# Stress leading wife to attempt to kill our cat



## Jimi_hendrix857 (Jun 13, 2018)

So my wife and I have been going through a bunch of infertility and adoption issues lately and obviously this is stressful both financially and emotionally not to mention that this isn’t how we pictured our lives at almost 40 years old. So I get the stress and I’m going through it too. To boot one of our cats has been peeing around the house. Which is stressful by itself but the other day my wife snapped and she just walked into the basement and closed the door. Figured she needed to cool off. Next thing I know I hear all kinds of crying and hissing. When I ran down stairs and opened the door she was trying to kill the cat. This was just beyond words for me. I just can’t trust her anymore. I can’t have compassion and love someone that could do this. Am I in the wrong?


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

Jimi_hendrix857 said:


> So my wife and I have been going through a bunch of infertility and adoption issues lately and obviously this is stressful both financially and emotionally not to mention that this isn’t how we pictured our lives at almost 40 years old. So I get the stress and I’m going through it too. To boot one of our cats has been peeing around the house. Which is stressful by itself but the other day my wife snapped and she just walked into the basement and closed the door. Figured she needed to cool off. Next thing I know I hear all kinds of crying and hissing. When I ran down stairs and opened the door she was trying to kill the cat. This was just beyond words for me. I just can’t trust her anymore. I can’t have compassion and love someone that could do this. Am I in the wrong?


Your wife needs to see a therapist AND psychologist ASAP. Infertility is a stressor, and the treatments and hormones can have DRASTIC emotional effects. She may be on th verge of a break.

I understand why it would be VERY hard to have compassion, and that behavior is HIGHLY disturbing. But your wife is ill. I would take of work TODAY and get her help. The ER if necessary.


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## wilson (Nov 5, 2012)

This is very concerning on many levels. You have to realize that kids can be very, very, very stressful. The fact that she did this should cause you to seriously rethink being parents. It's not that I think she would do the same to a child, but she is demonstrating a very unhealthy and dangerous reaction to stress. There are many ways she can snap at a child and cause a lifetime of emotional issues. 

Has she had issues with anger and stress in the past?


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

wilson said:


> This is very concerning on many levels. You have to realize that kids can be very, very, very stressful. The fact that she did this should cause you to seriously rethink being parents. It's not that I think she would do the same to a child, but she is demonstrating a very unhealthy and dangerous reaction to stress. There are many ways she can snap at a child and cause a lifetime of emotional issues.
> 
> Has she had issues with anger and stress in the past?


Not to be argumentative. but if you have never gone through infertility or taken hormones, you can;t really know that this statement is kind of ignorant. 

I seriously doubt she is a budding serial killer.


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## OnTheFly (Mar 12, 2015)

Cats pissing around the house doesn't just happen for no reason. There's bad mojo there.

Infertility, oft times, is natures way of saying ''nope….too unhealthy to bring a baby into this mess''. As is often said, it's wise to trust your gut instinct, similarly it's wise to trust nature's instinct. Yes, yes, I know….many women have healthy babies late in life, doesn't change the fact that a staggering amount don't. Roll, the dice….if the stress of having a mis-peeing cat causes her to attempt felinicide, what would a special needs child do to her? 

I won't bore you with details, but my brother-in-law is going through this right now, and it's a disaster of epic proportions.

Good luck


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## wilson (Nov 5, 2012)

personofinterest said:


> Not to be argumentative. but if you have never gone through infertility or taken hormones, you can;t really know that this statement is kind of ignorant.
> 
> I seriously doubt she is a budding serial killer.


I specifically said I didn't think she would do the same to a child. 

Many women are on hormones for infertility and they don't do something like this. Although I have not taken such hormones, my wife did. Yes, there were times where my wife was more stressed out when on them, but she never did anything like this. The way she acted was more in line with how she acted under other stressful times. The hormones made her stressed out more often, but not acting irrationally.


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## syhoybenden (Feb 21, 2013)

Someone who would murder their own pet is someone who needs a straitjacket and a rubber room.

Do not have children with this woman until she has undergone intensive therapy. Get her started in that, before she decides to do you in in your sleep.


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## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

Stop whatever you are doing, and take her to a hospital.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

She needs psychological help immediately. Trying to kill a pet is not a small thing, its a sign of a very serious problem. Meanwhile you and the cat need to get away. Someone who would harm their pet cat might well harm a person. 

Is she on infertility meds? Some of those can have horrible side-effects, including serious mental effectds. 

The infertility industry is extremely ugly. Lots of treatments with horrifying side effects but little actual chance of success. It is a destroyer of lives.

Please, get her off the meds, and to a psychiatrist. Get yourself and the cats to a safe place. 






Jimi_hendrix857 said:


> So my wife and I have been going through a bunch of infertility and adoption issues lately and obviously this is stressful both financially and emotionally not to mention that this isn’t how we pictured our lives at almost 40 years old. So I get the stress and I’m going through it too. To boot one of our cats has been peeing around the house. Which is stressful by itself but the other day my wife snapped and she just walked into the basement and closed the door. Figured she needed to cool off. Next thing I know I hear all kinds of crying and hissing. When I ran down stairs and opened the door she was trying to kill the cat. This was just beyond words for me. I just can’t trust her anymore. I can’t have compassion and love someone that could do this. Am I in the wrong?


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## Jimi_hendrix857 (Jun 13, 2018)

So to clarify, the infertility was last year. She has not been on any of that medication for atleast 9 months. I only mentioned infertility because that is all part of the stress building. She now knows she can not have kids on her own hence the adoption process. Should I be even more concerned now that this is her “not on medication” behavior? Is there a specialty psychologist for these types of things?


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## BarbedFenceRider (Mar 30, 2018)

Your family doctor needs to be aware of this behavior. Then see about the stress and depression. @personOfIntrest...Wilson is not wrong. Animal abuse is a serious indicator of sociopathy. Documented. Wilson doesn't have to be on hormones to read a text book and understand historical cases. But yes, OP is good in understanding that this is not normal behavior and medical intervention is warranted. But how OP does this is going to be crucial. Don't burn the wife with the witches...She's not the devil mind you...

She needs help in coping and by being the husband, you can get her the help you both need! I would put the brakes on child-rearing for awhile. Lets get you two settled and on a healthy footing first.

And as for the damn cat....Leave the thing OUTSIDE! Also, make sure it's neutered. PLEASE. Cats can have a house, food and water placed in the yard and do just fine...


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

First the cat, then...
.... well, let's just say that until you get her to CMA, sleep with one eye open.


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## Mommame2 (Oct 8, 2017)

How's the cat?


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


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## Magnesium (Jun 19, 2017)

Your wife is a sick and demented person. Leave/divorce and get that cat to a safe environment ASAP.

I wouldn't even discuss anything further with a person capable of this. I realize there are probably plenty of folks on this board who could muster more compassion for her than myself, but in my world this is inexcusable and I would never be able to share my life, space, intimacy with someone capable of such a thing. In my world, there is no excuse good enough.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

Jimi_hendrix857 said:


> So to clarify, the infertility was last year. She has not been on any of that medication for atleast 9 months. I only mentioned infertility because that is all part of the stress building. She now knows she can not have kids on her own hence the adoption process. Should I be even more concerned now that this is her “not on medication” behavior? Is there a specialty psychologist for these types of things?


You say she was trying to kill the cat. How? Cats are really pretty good at defending themselves. I would think anything short of the use of a weapon would result in as much or more damage to your wife as to the cat. I will carry lifelong scars from the last one I attempted to simply medicate. She'd probably have put me in the ER if I'd actually been trying to harm her from close range.

But that's all rather beside the point. If this is your wife when she's not on fertility meds, then I'd say you have a very serious problem. If she was seriously attempting to harm a pet, then she is obviously very ill. And the two of you have zero business attempting to adopt a child until this situation has been completely and effectively addressed, long-term, by professionals. Oh, and re-home the cat. 

Has your wife ever been violent before?


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

I don't know about "more / less" concerned but trying to kill a pet sounds like a serious mental disorder. In fact I couldn't imagine risking having kids in the house with someone who did that. If she can snap and try to kill a cat, are you so sure she couldn't do the same to a child who did something she thought was terrible. 

Please get her to a psychiatrist, this is very far from normal. Then get yourself and you cat out of the house. 

Maybe its just me, but killing a pet out of anger is a horrifying thing do to. I would consider it either a sign of serious, dangerous mental illness, or an act so evil that I would immediately file fro divorce and never agree to meet the person without third parties present. 






Jimi_hendrix857 said:


> So to clarify, the infertility was last year. She has not been on any of that medication for atleast 9 months. I only mentioned infertility because that is all part of the stress building. She now knows she can not have kids on her own hence the adoption process. Should I be even more concerned now that this is her “not on medication” behavior? Is there a specialty psychologist for these types of things?


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## kag123 (Feb 6, 2012)

I'm really hoping this story isn't real. 

Please get the cat out of the house by whatever means necessary. Put it in the car and take it to the shelter. 

Sent from my SM-N950U using Tapatalk


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

in the states, attempting to kill a domestic animal is a crime, so this is no small thing. 

you don't kill a domestic animal, you take it to a shelter and leave it, or to a vet and euthanize it if necessary.

serious problems here. i'm with the others. contact your GP. take her for treatment!!


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## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

Jimi_hendrix857 said:


> So my wife and I have been going through a bunch of infertility and adoption issues lately and obviously this is stressful both financially and emotionally not to mention that this isn’t how we pictured our lives at almost 40 years old. So I get the stress and I’m going through it too. To boot one of our cats has been peeing around the house. Which is stressful by itself but the other day my wife snapped and she just walked into the basement and closed the door. Figured she needed to cool off. Next thing I know I hear all kinds of crying and hissing. When I ran down stairs and opened the door she was trying to kill the cat. This was just beyond words for me. I just can’t trust her anymore. I can’t have compassion and love someone that could do this. Am I in the wrong?


What was your wife's explanation of the cat situation? How did she react when you showed up on scene? Did she seem out of it? 

I'm fairly certain my cats main purpose in his 18 years of life has been to drive us crazy. And I'm also fairly certain he has been plotting to murder us for the past few years. But I have yet to have a strong desire to kill him. 

I would have her scene by her doc and get some referral to a few good psychiatrists she probably needs some meds so she will need a psychiatrist who can discuss things with her medical doc.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

Spicy said:


> Stop whatever you are doing, and take her to a hospital.



THIS

This is a big thing. They can hold her for 48-72 hours (depending on the state). She NEEDS help.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

BarbedFenceRider said:


> Your family doctor needs to be aware of this behavior. Then see about the stress and depression. @personOfIntrest...Wilson is not wrong. Animal abuse is a serious indicator of sociopathy. Documented. Wilson doesn't have to be on hormones to read a text book and understand historical cases. But yes, OP is good in understanding that this is not normal behavior and medical intervention is warranted. But how OP does this is going to be crucial. Don't burn the wife with the witches...She's not the devil mind you...
> 
> She needs help in coping and by being the husband, you can get her the help you both need! I would put the brakes on child-rearing for awhile. Lets get you two settled and on a healthy footing first.
> 
> And as for the damn cat....Leave the thing OUTSIDE! Also, make sure it's neutered. PLEASE. Cats can have a house, food and water placed in the yard and do just fine...


Okay, I'm gonna ask...

Has your wife displayed traits of sociopathy and psychopathy throughout the marriage? Has she been void of empathy? Do you believe she loves you (or anyone)?

I get it. This is HUGELY serious.

But I gotta say, a lot of the responses on this thread are WHY people don't seek help or ever disclose a mental illness. It is straight up stigma.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Jimi_hendrix857 said:


> So my wife and I have been going through a bunch of infertility and adoption issues lately and obviously this is stressful both financially and emotionally not to mention that this isn’t how we pictured our lives at almost 40 years old. So I get the stress and I’m going through it too. To boot one of our cats has been peeing around the house. Which is stressful by itself but the other day my wife snapped and she just walked into the basement and closed the door. Figured she needed to cool off. Next thing I know I hear all kinds of crying and hissing. When I ran down stairs and opened the door she was trying to kill the cat. This was just beyond words for me. I just can’t trust her anymore. I can’t have compassion and love someone that could do this. Am I in the wrong?


Do not have a child or adopt with this woman. She needs to seek therapy.


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## BarbedFenceRider (Mar 30, 2018)

personofinterest said:


> Okay, I'm gonna ask...
> 
> Has your wife displayed traits of sociopathy and psychopathy throughout the marriage? Has she been void of empathy? Do you believe she loves you (or anyone)?
> 
> ...


I agree....The stigma can be detrimental to tons of individuals. Thats why I stated that it can be handled by the physician. Maybe the OP can clarify that the "attack the cat" thing was a one off... That she just lost it one afternoon. Or if this is a fixation of hers? 

Either way, not suffering alone is the way to go. Get others involved. Not to start the fires and pitch forks mind you. Even though many here just love cats waaay to much. The wife just may need some support during these trying times. Hopefully OP doesn't run away and keeps us in the loop.


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

Jimi_hendrix857 said:


> So my wife and I have been going through a bunch of infertility and adoption issues lately and obviously this is stressful both financially and emotionally not to mention that this isn’t how we pictured our lives at almost 40 years old. So I get the stress and I’m going through it too. To boot one of our cats has been peeing around the house. Which is stressful by itself but the other day my wife snapped and she just walked into the basement and closed the door. Figured she needed to cool off. Next thing I know I hear all kinds of crying and hissing. When I ran down stairs and opened the door she was trying to kill the cat. This was just beyond words for me. I just can’t trust her anymore. I can’t have compassion and love someone that could do this. Am I in the wrong?


First off, I'm really sorry to hear about all of your infertility issues. Coming from someone who would love to have a baby, but won't be having one, it's a really ****ty feeling. There are other ways to have a family though. Have you guys considered adopting, fostering to adopt, surrogacy? There are other avenues to look into for sure.

As for your cat, I would unfortunately remove it from the home. Take him/her to a shelter, or see if a friend or family member can take it, even temporarily. What she did to your cat is all sorts of wrong. I'm a huge animal advocate, and if I ever saw someone doing something like that, they'd rue the day they ever saw me. All 5' 3" of me would turn all badass on a person like that. Plus, if she does that to an animal, she's capable of doing that to a baby. 

On another note, if a cat is peeing outside of its litter box, have you thought about taking it to a vet? Perhaps something is wrong health-wise, that can be easily remedied.


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

Magnesium said:


> Your wife is a sick and demented person. Leave/divorce and get that cat to a safe environment ASAP.
> 
> I wouldn't even discuss anything further with a person capable of this. I realize there are probably plenty of folks on this board who could muster more compassion for her than myself, but in my world this is inexcusable and I would never be able to share my life, space, intimacy with someone capable of such a thing. In my world, there is no excuse good enough.


Yup, I tried to state this, but Magnesium, you did a much better job that I did!


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

personofinterest said:


> Okay, I'm gonna ask...
> 
> Has your wife displayed traits of sociopathy (she tried to kill a cat) and psychopathy (again, she tried to kill a cat) throughout the marriage? Has she been void of empathy? (I would say yes, as she tried to kill a cat, who happens to be a family member in their household) Do you believe she loves you (or anyone)? (well, she definitely doesn't love the cat)
> 
> ...


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

BarbedFenceRider said:


> I agree....The stigma can be detrimental to tons of individuals. Thats why I stated that it can be handled by the physician. Maybe the OP can clarify that the "attack the cat" thing was a one off... That she just lost it one afternoon. Or if this is a fixation of hers?
> 
> Either way, not suffering alone is the way to go. Get others involved. Not to start the fires and pitch forks mind you. Even though many here just love cats waaay to much. The wife just may need some support during these trying times. Hopefully OP doesn't run away and keeps us in the loop.


Has anyone ever heard of Andrea Yates? If not, Google her and her story. I agree that suffering along definitely isn't the way to go, but harming an animal?! And, just so you know, I'm scared of cats, and am really not a huge fan of them, BUT I sure feel for the one in this story. I hope he/she is still living and has found a really good hiding place.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

> Okay, I'm gonna ask...
> 
> Has your wife displayed traits of sociopathy (she tried to kill a cat) and psychopathy (again, she tried to kill a cat) throughout the marriage? Has she been void of empathy? (I would say yes, as she tried to kill a cat, who happens to be a family member in their household) Do you believe she loves you (or anyone)? (well, she definitely doesn't love the cat)
> 
> ...


I know you are not actually obtuse, so you must know what I MEANT was has she always been this way, or is it something that happened once her depression took hold. In addition, coming OFF fertility drugs can be just as drastic emotionally as going on them.

Look, what she did is reprehensible, and I LOVE my pets. But the whole flames and pitchfork thing over a woman who is obviously VERY ILL is just...ridiculous.

Especially since most people who are all worried about this cat likely don't give a rat's ass about thousands of children who die...well, that's another topic.

Anyway, yes, keep the cat safe. But also, yes, get this woman some help. Inpatient help.

You may value a cat's life over hers, but she IS a human being. Good freaking grief.

I'm mean for thinking it's not okay for someone to leave their kids without a parent due to suicide, but let's crucify an ill woman because she had a break and hurt an animal.

It's possible to be appalled at her actions AND understand she is ill.


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

personofinterest said:


> I know you are not actually obtuse, so you must know what I MEANT was has she always been this way, or is it something that happened once her depression took hold. In addition, coming OFF fertility drugs can be just as drastic emotionally as going on them.
> 
> Look, what she did is reprehensible, and I LOVE my pets. But the whole flames and pitchfork thing over a woman who is obviously VERY ILL is just...ridiculous.
> 
> ...


And my point is exactly that; there's something terribly wrong with the woman if she's going to try to take a life, even if it is "just an animal" to some. I don't think anyone is going after her with flames and pitchforks; we're trying to make a point that she's sick, she needs help, and if she's tried to kill their pet once, she'll do it again, so it's best if the cat is re-homed. I'm sorry if you think otherwise; we'll just have to agree to disagree on that one. If it were a small child though, I bet you would say otherwise. That woman needs hospitalization, therapy and medication, today. Also, it's not as though I value one life over another, but if someone or something is being attacked, I still typically stand up for them.


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## Steve2.0 (Dec 11, 2017)

wilson said:


> This is very concerning on many levels. You have to realize that kids can be very, very, very stressful. The fact that she did this should cause you to seriously rethink being parents. It's not that I think she would do the same to a child, but she is demonstrating a very unhealthy and dangerous reaction to stress. There are many ways she can snap at a child and cause a lifetime of emotional issues.
> 
> Has she had issues with anger and stress in the past?


A cat pissing on my face is less stressful than the day to day **** I deal with having two young children.... OMG this women needs help. The stress, and hormones, are breaking her


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Jimi_hendrix857 said:


> So my wife and I have been going through a bunch of infertility and adoption issues lately and obviously this is stressful both financially and emotionally not to mention that this isn’t how we pictured our lives at almost 40 years old. So I get the stress and I’m going through it too. To boot one of our cats has been peeing around the house. Which is stressful by itself but the other day my wife snapped and she just walked into the basement and closed the door. Figured she needed to cool off. Next thing I know I hear all kinds of crying and hissing. When I ran down stairs and opened the door she was trying to kill the cat. This was just beyond words for me. I just can’t trust her anymore. I can’t have compassion and love someone that could do this. Am I in the wrong?


 @Jimi_hendrix857 The actions you describe are worrying because with the sequence of events you describe shows a certain amount of planning and a thought process behind what your wife did.

If she thinks a cat peeing outside a litter box is stressful, having a child would be far worse and more stressful.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Jimi_hendrix857 said:


> So my wife and I have been going through a bunch of infertility and adoption issues lately and obviously this is stressful both financially and emotionally not to mention that this isn’t how we pictured our lives at almost 40 years old. So I get the stress and I’m going through it too. To boot one of our cats has been peeing around the house. Which is stressful by itself but the other day my wife snapped and she just walked into the basement and closed the door. Figured she needed to cool off. Next thing I know I hear all kinds of crying and hissing. When I ran down stairs and opened the door she was trying to kill the cat. This was just beyond words for me. I just can’t trust her anymore. I can’t have compassion and love someone that could do this. Am I in the wrong?


Cat lover here, and I also find this very disturbing. I don't think stress or hormones is an excuse.

I would feel the same way you are feeling, and quite frankly I would consider it a dealbreaker.


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## dadstartingover (Oct 23, 2015)

This is what we call the most gigantic of red flags.

Of course you leave. She's severely broken and homicidal. Stick around and you're next.


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## Haiku (Apr 9, 2014)

dadstartingover said:


> This is what we call the most gigantic of red flags.
> 
> Of course you leave. She's severely broken and homicidal. Stick around and you're next.


You neglected recommending a VAR and poly.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Jimi_hendrix857 said:


> So my wife and I have been going through a bunch of infertility and adoption issues lately and obviously this is stressful both financially and emotionally not to mention that this isn’t how we pictured our lives at almost 40 years old. So I get the stress and I’m going through it too. To boot one of our cats has been peeing around the house. Which is stressful by itself but the other day my wife snapped and she just walked into the basement and closed the door. Figured she needed to cool off. Next thing I know I hear all kinds of crying and hissing. When I ran down stairs and opened the door she was trying to kill the cat. This was just beyond words for me. I just can’t trust her anymore. I can’t have compassion and love someone that could do this. Am I in the wrong?


Wow you need to get those poor animals out of the house now. She is clearly not safe to be around them. Sorry, many people have stress and they don't go round killing defenceless animals. You are right not to trust her, that's appalling.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

personofinterest said:


> Not to be argumentative. but if you have never gone through infertility or taken hormones, you can;t really know that this statement is kind of ignorant.
> 
> I seriously doubt she is a budding serial killer.


If stress causes her to try and kill an animal, she may well be a danger to a child who can also bring a lot of stress. I would NOT have a child with anyone who can do such a horrible thing.


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## cc48kel (Apr 5, 2017)

Poor kitty-- as you know this is not normal and hopefully, she will get help soon. I realize someone else mentioned this but it's true, kids are big stressors and I'd hate to think what she would do if the baby won't stop crying or a toddler doesn't listen.

BTW- I adopted a cat and after 6 months she was peeing on my rugs. It was stressful because it was a pain in the ass to clean and also catch her in the act. I took her to two different vets who ran bloodwork and suggested to basically put her down. I could not do this so I took her back to the no-kill shelter. I have a new kitty now but still miss the 'sick' one.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

She handled her cat related stress by trying to kill an animal she could have re-homed, left at a shelter, or simply kicked outside as a last resort. With many options available, she chose death for a living creature that is dependent on her. Wrap your mind around that. This is the person you're living with and trying to adopt a child with.

Get a divorce lawyer for you and a psychiatrist for her. 

Also, inform the agency handling the in process adoption of this incident. This woman is NOT safe to be around children and shouldn't be allowed to adopt as a married or single woman.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

MJJEAN said:


> She handled her cat related stress by trying to kill an animal she could have re-homed, left at a shelter, or simply kicked outside as a last resort. With many options available, she chose death for a living creature that is dependent on her. Wrap your mind around that. This is the person you're living with and trying to adopt a child with.
> 
> Get a divorce lawyer for you and a psychiatrist for her.
> 
> Also, inform the agency handling the in process adoption of this incident. This woman is NOT safe to be around children and shouldn't be allowed to adopt as a married or single woman.


I so agree with this. In the UK the adoption process is very stringent, not sure if it is there, but if you lied about something as serious as this this and she hurt a child, you would be just as responsible. I would not trust her around any animal or child.


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## AKA Broken Arrow (Feb 19, 2016)

I'm no fan of cats but I couldn't imagine such a thing.


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