# Partner and puppy dilema



## m.t.t (Oct 5, 2016)

Hi, I've talked about this relationship before but I have gone ahead seeing them as I'm getting needs met more and I've also worked out better boundaries etc.

We paid half each for this puppy, with the idea it was ours. She now admits she had no idea what hard work puppies were and has said to me that she realizes that I have done all the work. The pup loves her and she does love the pup but sees the pup differently to how it see it. I've devoted myself to the pup emotionally and worry about it where she sees the pup as a cute puppy but at the end of the day it is a dog.

I've only left her alone with the pup a few times and not overnight. She has offered but i can't bring myself to leave the puppy with her. She is now asking to have the puppy at her place more and has said in the past if the puppy is too much for me that she will take it fulltime and have it live with her. In the early days I was tempted, they are such hard work.

So now I'm being faced with work interstate later in the year as a well as a few weekends where I will be gone for 12 hours a day for work. I usually just work from home and the puppy and I have a routine of sorts.

She is the obvious choice to have the puppy, but I just feel anxious leaving the puppy in her care. The things that worry me are that,

The pup is a sighthound. You cannot afford to ever drop the leash or left them outside in a non fenced area, they take off either in fright at a loud sound or after a bird in the distance. They are super fast and will run miles with the excitement of running or fear. They either get lost or hurt. If she walks the pup she changes hands often, even behind her back if she gets caught up in the lead. It's not a careful secure swap.

Her new place has a front door without a fence. The back door is fully fenced. Her cat has regularly since she moved there found its way out there but she said she doesn't know how it got out, it must just slip out when someone comes in unnoticed. If this was the pup it would be gone in an instant. 

The pup has fragile long legs. It broke its leg and needed strict restriction in movement for weeks. The pup and i handled this well and my girlfriend was told that the pup wasn't allowed out of it's pen to walk around. We would play with the pup inside the pen to entertain it during recovery. She constantly let it step out even walk around behind her unnoticed. I went for coffee once and came back and somehow the puppy had found its way into a bedroom and she had a story about it. I said how did it get out! and she said it just slipped out. It had a massive cast so walked slow I'm guessing she just got distracted and didn't notice the pup making a run for it.

She never hears the pup needing to go to the toilet during the night. I have the same response as i did when my children were little. Their sound instantly wakes you, even in deep sleep.

She thought the pup who had just had the cast off would be fine to be lead free in an inclosed area with old upturned furniture, foam from old cushions, timber offcuts, iron bed frames etc She couldn't see the pup may get hurt or ingest the foam etc

She like me daydreams and gets focussed. So I see there is no real malice or neglect. She is super academically smart but doesn't seem to spot or notice potential hazards for a puppy.

It's obvious that we have different ideas of how to look after a puppy. I'm maybe over cautious and she perhaps way too relaxed.

I'm stressing about leaving her in charge of the puppy in November ! Part of me thinks that maybe I should let her have the puppy full time, then I no longer have to worry about if I have to go away for work etc and i don't have to have anxiety on the weekend when i'm there as she will have to be in charge of caring for it and she may make more effort in the care, but then I love the pup way too much. I have so my anxiety over this, I'm not sure what to do. I know that part of the issue is that I want to control how the pup is cared for and with this control is an arrogance of my way is the right way.

How would you handle this situation? Do I just leave the puppy in her care and she will step up if I'm not there?


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

No.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

m.t.t said:


> Hi, I've talked about this relationship before but I have gone ahead seeing them as I'm getting needs met more and I've also worked out better boundaries etc.
> 
> We paid half each for this puppy, with the idea it was ours. She now admits she had no idea what hard work puppies were and has said to me that she realizes that I have done all the work. The pup loves her and she does love the pup but sees the pup differently to how it see it. I've devoted myself to the pup emotionally and worry about it where she sees the pup as a cute puppy but at the end of the day it is a dog.
> 
> ...


Honestly she reminds me of my sister. My sister really likes animals, but I can't tell you how many times I have had to be the one to track her dogs and get them back. Has a huge gap under her fence than any dog could get through easily and she just acts like it's not an issue. 

She leaves the door swinging behind her when she comes to my house and has let my dog out before. 

And yet she gets mad if I mention any of that. She just doesn't have the presence of mind for it. And she doesn't have the determination to get them back when they leave.

I would just say no but I don't know what you're going to do instead. Maybe advertise for a roommate who loves dogs and is good with them. Or maybe rehome the dog or maybe don't take that job. I wouldn't take a traveling job when I have a dog and no one at home I can trust.


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## Trident (May 23, 2018)

Rehome the dog and get her a hamster.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

It's tricky as this is the person that you are building a relationship with. If I remember correctly, she has children? And so, one would anticipate she could care for the dog just fine; albeit, differently to you. I'm not comparing pets to children, for clarity. I just mean she's had a far greater level of responsibility. HOWEVER... when we go away, we leave our dogs at a dog resort (I type that jovially... 'kennel') and they have a blast there. Friends have offered to look after them for us instead, and while the offer is appreciated, we've essentially said that if something happened to them (one would also be prone to taking off) that we wouldn't want to risk the friendship over it. And so while our friends are responsible people we don't take up the offer. They don't seem to take it personally. Maybe it's the way we communicate that too. In the dog 'resort' it's fully fenced, the staff know their temperaments well etc., and knowing they are always happy to go there we just keep it simple and without involving friends. Although this isn't your friend, it's a relationship. Tricky!

If you feel similarly in considering this, I do think you need to be honest with her about it. There's a chance she may be understanding and become more aware of how she looks after the dog. Or she might think your assessment is unreasonable and the dog was meant to be part of both of your lives. I guess then it's how you negotiate such things between you. On the flip-side, perhaps you take the 'risk' and she proves you completely wrong and the dog is fine with her. * head explodes *


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

She apparently hasn’t changed since you first began posting about her. I wouldn’t trust her with a dog. If it’s a problem then return the dog to the breeder.


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## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

Trident said:


> Rehome the dog and get her a hamster.


More like a pet rock.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

She has proven she can't look after the pup properly.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

It's a no from me.

She may be academically intelligent, but she has very little common sense by the sound of it.


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## red oak (Oct 26, 2018)

No I wouldn’t leave it with her.


m.t.t said:


> The pup is a sighthound. You cannot afford to ever drop the leash or left them outside in a non fenced area, *they take off either in fright at a loud sound or after a bird in the distance. *They are super fast and will run miles with the excitement of running or fear.


2 words: Dog Trainer.

Don’t know how old yours is, but by 4 months if it’s been worked, and given proper amount of exercise it shouldn’t leave your side unless given permission.
My dogs (4) have lots more prey drive than most breeds even think about one having, and by 4 months wouldn’t leave my side without permission.
My wife’s not so much.
By 4 months, 5 max, should be able to call it off and into a heel.
Also sounds like the dogs needs aren’t getting Fulfilled.
You have an uncontrolled dog. If you came to me wanting a pup I’d turn you down flat cause of this. I turned down people for less. 


m.t.t said:


> She never hears the pup needing to go to the toilet during the night.


Habitation: if fed at proper times needing to go potty at night should be over by 3-4 months unless they having a health issue.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

You should re-read your threads about her to refresh your memory. It’s not fair to the dog.


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## m.t.t (Oct 5, 2016)

red oak said:


> No I wouldn’t leave it with her.
> 
> 2 words: Dog Trainer.
> 
> ...


I do not have an uncontrolled dog. 

It's a toy breed of sighthound. I'm guessing you are used to large dogs that are not sight hounds. Sight hounds are different. I've done my research you must never let them off the lead, or they might bolt and become lost. It's not just prey drive they are fully focussed on running.


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## m.t.t (Oct 5, 2016)

Openminded said:


> She apparently hasn’t changed since you first began posting about her. I wouldn’t trust her with a dog. If it’s a problem then return the dog to the breeder.


The dog is happy, loved and well looked after with me, why would I send my pup back to the breeder? I can get her looked after elsewhere if I need to. It's just a tricky situation.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

m.t.t said:


> I do not have an uncontrolled dog.
> 
> It's a toy breed of sighthound. I'm guessing you are used to large dogs that are not sight hounds. Sight hounds are different. *I've done my research you must never let them off the lead, or they might bolt and become lost. It's not just prey drive they are fully focussed on running.*


So you did your research and bought a dog like this on purpose? AND you get awakened in the middle of the night to take the dog to “potty”??????

Sounds like a great dog to own!

I suggest locating a new owner for the dog. It’s a plague.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

m.t.t said:


> The dog is happy, loved and well looked after with me, why would I send my pup back to the breeder? I can get her looked after elsewhere if I need to. It's just a tricky situation.


She’s far too careless to be dealing with a dog. If you have other options then it would be better to rely on them and not her.


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## m.t.t (Oct 5, 2016)

heartsbeating said:


> It's tricky as this is the person that you are building a relationship with. If I remember correctly, she has children? And so, one would anticipate she could care for the dog just fine; albeit, differently to you. I'm not comparing pets to children, for clarity. I just mean she's had a far greater level of responsibility. HOWEVER... when we go away, we leave our dogs at a dog resort (I type that jovially... 'kennel') and they have a blast there. Friends have offered to look after them for us instead, and while the offer is appreciated, we've essentially said that if something happened to them (one would also be prone to taking off) that we wouldn't want to risk the friendship over it. And so while our friends are responsible people we don't take up the offer. They don't seem to take it personally. Maybe it's the way we communicate that too. In the dog 'resort' it's fully fenced, the staff know their temperaments well etc., and knowing they are always happy to go there we just keep it simple and without involving friends. Although this isn't your friend, it's a relationship. Tricky!
> 
> If you feel similarly in considering this, I do think you need to be honest with her about it. There's a chance she may be understanding and become more aware of how she looks after the dog. Or she might think your assessment is unreasonable and the dog was meant to be part of both of your lives. I guess then it's how you negotiate such things between you. On the flip-side, perhaps you take the 'risk' and she proves you completely wrong and the dog is fine with her. * head explodes *


Thank you for your words and thoughts as always heartsbeating. Things between us have improved dramatically in the last few months. I agree with what you have said, I think I need to be honest. It's Tricky though, I agree. She is kind of clumsy this is what worries me about the lead, but I love her and she is working hard on some of things that have caused issues in the past between us. I have stepped back a bit to allow room for all of this to unfold.


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## m.t.t (Oct 5, 2016)

Evinrude58 said:


> So you did your research and bought a dog like this on purpose? AND you get awakened in the middle of the night to take the dog to “potty”??????
> 
> Sounds like a great dog to own!
> 
> I suggest locating a new owner for the dog. It’s a plague.


excuse me but no it sleeps through the night, when you bring a puppy home it's needs to go to the toilet during the night, depending on its bladder size which equals the amount of hours it can hold for. My puppy has slept through since it was 16 weeks. 

Please don't post here again you are being foolish and rude.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

m.t.t said:


> I do not have an uncontrolled dog.
> 
> It's a toy breed of sighthound. I'm guessing you are used to large dogs that are not sight hounds. Sight hounds are different. I've done my research you must never let them off the lead, or they might bolt and become lost. It's not just prey drive they are fully focussed on running.


So your dog is never able to run around off the lead????


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## m.t.t (Oct 5, 2016)

Diana7 said:


> So your dog is never able to run around off the lead????


Only in a fenced area. 

The breed, a greyhound can be fine to be off lead but if they get a fright or see something in the distance they run with such focus they can be easily hit by a car or run so far and fast they get lost in an unfamiliar area.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

m.t.t said:


> Only in a fenced area.
> 
> The breed, a greyhound can be fine to be off lead but if they get a fright or see something in the distance they run with such focus they can be easily hit by a car or run so far and fast they get lost in an unfamiliar area.


We have had a lurcher and a Saluki cross. Both were let off leads if it was in an area away from roads. Yes they did run!


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

m.t.t said:


> Only in a fenced area.
> 
> The breed, a greyhound can be fine to be off lead but if they get a fright or see something in the distance they run with such focus they can be easily hit by a car or run so far and fast they get lost in an unfamiliar area.


 a Greyhound is not a breed to be locked up , they are a hunting dog that have been used for Greyhound racing 

With their quiet dignity and independence, Greyhounds are calm and quiet indoors, moving lightly and gracefully rather than toppling your lamps. They are comfort-loving dogs who want to snuggle on a soft couch or under a warm blanket. 

Which brings up an important requirement for owning a Greyhound – you should have a good-sized, fenced area in which he can spring all-out at least once every few days. Greyhounds are not built for endurance, so they don't want or need hours of jogging exercise.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

This is somehow turning into a focus about the breed of the dog rather than the relationship quandary.


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## red oak (Oct 26, 2018)

m.t.t said:


> I do not have an uncontrolled dog.
> 
> It's a toy breed of sighthound. I'm guessing you are used to large dogs that are not sight hounds. Sight hounds are different. I've done my research you must never let them off the lead, or they might bolt and become lost. It's not just prey drive they are fully focussed on running.


My point being: seems we have pot calling kettle…..
Perhaps both of you should go to counseling. You are making excuses for yourself, putting full blame on her. If you are spending the majority of time with the dog neither you, nor would she, have so much problem to deal with if you were training/teaching it how you want it to behave.

As a dog nerd/trainer I can say, If you can’t recall your dog (call dog into a heel even if it’s chasing something) you have an uncontrolled dog and why I suggest consulting a trainer.
Ive been around all types of dogs 48+ years.
Recall, heel, and “leave it” are imperative; the absolute most important; thing to train a dog. Not teaching it is how so many dogs end up lost or dead. Next is to drop in their tracks.

It also requires both of you to work with the dog otherwise it will only respond to the one who trains it.


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## red oak (Oct 26, 2018)

heartsbeating said:


> This is somehow turning into a focus about the breed of the dog rather than the relationship quandary.


The dog highlights the issues both have.
This is one those cases I’d like to here other side of the story.
OP is making having a dog harder than it is by lacking knowledge, then denying they lack the knowledge, not putting in the time to teach what is expected of it when OP said they have it majority of the time yet it still hasn’t been taught recall, or heel, then turning it over to someone else and expecting them to deal with a dog that is uncontrollable.
Did research on a dog yet it has weak nerves, as sighthounds were bred for hunting and loud noises so such shouldn’t send it into a panic unless it’s bad breeding or OP unknowingly, through that lack of knowledge and failure to consult trainers, made it fearful.
So there is more to this story than we are getting.

I took in an “uncontrollable” dog who bit and drew blood on every member in the family, I was contacted by breeder to let the family give it to me for evaluation, and aggreed to do so to keep it from getting “put to sleep.”
It was similar to this situation. Nothing wrong with the dog. It was the contention and stress within/between members in the household amd failure of them to teach it.
Most intelligent and eager to please and Best dog I have out of my 5. 3 years later still has ptsd though.

From what has been stated OP can’t state they are a responsible dog owner when there is failure on their part to consult dog trainer and teach the dog so form my perspective part of the dilemma is if the OP will also own they have a part in this dilemma through their own failure to be responsible dog owner.
Edit: because


m.t.t said:


> I've only left her alone with the pup a few times and not overnight…I usually just work from home and the puppy and I have a routine of sorts.


Although both owners are responsible for teaching One who has it the majority of the time is one responsible for teaching it and *recall should be of utmost importance.*
It’s irresponsible not to.
If OP is was being responsible by this stage it wouldn’t be so stressful to have it.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

She doesn't sound trustworthy enough to look after a goldfish, much less a puppy who needs to be fed, let out regularly, exercised and CARED for.

I'd rehome this poor dog because in the end, the dog is going to suffer with someone like her. Why on earth you chose to get a dog and you don't even live in the same place but it's "both" your dog is really irresponsible! Dogs aren't toys or Christmas presents - they're a LIFETIME commitment!

I care more about animals than I do humans. Getting off my soapbox now.


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## Benbutton (Oct 3, 2019)

Evinrude58 said:


> So you did your research and bought a dog like this on purpose? AND you get awakened in the middle of the night to take the dog to “potty”??????
> 
> Sounds like a great dog to own!
> 
> I suggest locating a new owner for the dog. It’s a plague.


Eh, it's not the dogs fault, it's the owner.


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## Benbutton (Oct 3, 2019)

red oak said:


> My point being: seems we have pot calling kettle…..
> Perhaps both of you should go to counseling. You are making excuses for yourself, putting full blame on her. If you are spending the majority of time with the dog neither you, nor would she, have so much problem to deal with if you were training/teaching it how you want it to behave.
> 
> As a dog nerd/trainer I can say, If you can’t recall your dog (call dog into a heel even if it’s chasing something) you have an uncontrolled dog and why I suggest consulting a trainer.
> ...


Absolutely 110% ^^^ this OP.


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## m.t.t (Oct 5, 2016)

Diana7 said:


> We have had a lurcher and a Saluki cross. Both were let off leads if it was in an area away from roads. Yes they did run!


I have an iggy, I would love to have her off lead like I have with my other dogs in the past, they rarely needed to be on one when we were out. This is my first Iggy and from what I have heard from others and read that they easily startle which makes them bolt or they get carried away with running. As a 24 week old puppy it's too soon to even think about. My puppy is pretty good but can be stubborn and on our last outing was a frightened by a piece of stationary play equipment lol


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## m.t.t (Oct 5, 2016)

frenchpaddy said:


> a Greyhound is not a breed to be locked up , they are a hunting dog that have been used for Greyhound racing
> 
> With their quiet dignity and independence, Greyhounds are calm and quiet indoors, moving lightly and gracefully rather than toppling your lamps. They are comfort-loving dogs who want to snuggle on a soft couch or under a warm blanket.
> 
> Which brings up an important requirement for owning a Greyhound – you should have a good-sized, fenced area in which he can spring all-out at least once every few days. Greyhounds are not built for endurance, so they don't want or need hours of jogging exercise.


I have a huge backyard I'm on a acre of land. The pup runs free on this daily. My girlfriend lives in a unit on a busy road.


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## m.t.t (Oct 5, 2016)

red oak said:


> My point being: seems we have pot calling kettle…..
> Perhaps both of you should go to counseling. You are making excuses for yourself, putting full blame on her. If you are spending the majority of time with the dog neither you, nor would she, have so much problem to deal with if you were training/teaching it how you want it to behave.
> 
> As a dog nerd/trainer I can say, If you can’t recall your dog (call dog into a heel even if it’s chasing something) you have an uncontrolled dog and why I suggest consulting a trainer.
> ...


How many iggy pups have you trained? Would love to know! My pup is 24 weeks old. FYI my pup knows all of the basic commands. Stop being so arrogant. You are making stupid assumptions because I love my pup so much that I'm afraid that it will get out and get scared and get hit by a car if I'm not there. You are assuming that my dog isn't trained at all. I have been to training classes as well as I do daily recall training and other fun training activities.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Your dog is safe with you but the odds are not good that she’ll be safe with your gf. Better to look for another care option when you have to be gone.


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## m.t.t (Oct 5, 2016)

heartsbeating said:


> This is somehow turning into a focus about the breed of the dog rather than the relationship quandary.


yes I agree, thanks for your advice though. It was helpful.

Too many people on this thread going off tap about how great they are at dog training or thinking I don't train my dog or I shouldn't have a dog when the question was I love my dog, I have control of my dog but I'm worried as my girlfriend doesn't.


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## m.t.t (Oct 5, 2016)

red oak said:


> The dog highlights the issues both have.
> This is one those cases I’d like to here other side of the story.
> OP is making having a dog harder than it is by lacking knowledge, then denying they lack the knowledge, not putting in the time to teach what is expected of it when OP said they have it majority of the time yet it still hasn’t been taught recall, or heel, then turning it over to someone else and expecting them to deal with a dog that is uncontrollable.
> Did research on a dog yet it has weak nerves, as sighthounds were bred for hunting and loud noises so such shouldn’t send it into a panic unless it’s bad breeding or OP unknowingly, through that lack of knowledge and failure to consult trainers, made it fearful.
> ...


You really don't comprehend do you. My dog does know the basic commands, they are well trained for their age and they are under my control. But, I don't trust them not to get a fright and run off when I'm not there or if they get let out accidently. That's the basic gist of it. You are lacking basic reading comprehension. The question was about my relationship and the care of the dog. 

By the way, as stated before. My dog is a toy breed, the only sight hound that is a toy breed. Do some research, they were not breed for hunting the italian greyhounds were breed as companions and bed warmers. You really do not know what you are talking about.


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## harperlee (May 1, 2018)

m.t.t said:


> I have control of my dog but I'm worried as my girlfriend doesn't.


That's it in a nutshell. You have answered all of your questions, haven't you.


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

m.t.t said:


> I have a huge backyard I'm on a acre of land. The pup runs free on this daily. My girlfriend lives in a unit on a busy road.


 you have the place for the dog your gf has not , even if she was mad about dogs she has not the space , and you know having a dog like this needs a lot of time , 
only you know if she has the same time as you and if she has not the time or not what it takes then you need to find someone that has .
is there any other problems in your relationship ,


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## red oak (Oct 26, 2018)

m.t.t said:


> You really don't comprehend do you. My dog does know the basic commands, they are well trained for their age and they are under my control. But, I don't trust them not to get a fright and run off when I'm not there or if they get let out accidently. That's the basic gist of it. You are lacking basic reading comprehension.





m.t.t said:


> The question was about my relationship and the care of the dog.


Look. It’s obvious the dog has become an “emotional support” for you thus the reason i suggested both of you take counseling together.
The dog and you arguing with even me about it shows the issue.
You are ate up with fear. Ask yourself why. Go to a counselor and dog trainer together. The issue with the dog is highlighting your issues.
You call me arrogant yet you state you yourself are arrogant.
once again pot call kettle….which I honestly don’t think you understand because from what I have seen, and you stated, you are controlling(which comes from fear) and know better and can do better than anyone else, and therein lay the issues in your relationship. There are always 2 sides.

As to your reply:
I currently have 4 that are considered sight hounds that *were bred for hunting,* they have extreme prey drive, and if I didn’t have control of them and they were all loose they would kill any animal trespassing on my property, so I know K-9 ethology well.

You gave the impression it isn’t well trained. See below.


m.t.t said:


> The pup is a sighthound. *You cannot afford to ever drop the leash *or left them outside in a non fenced area, they take off either in fright at a loud sound or after a bird in the distance. They are super fast and will run miles with the excitement of running or fear.





m.t.t said:


> The breed, a greyhound can be fine to be off lead but if they get a fright or see something in the distance *they run with such focus they can be easily hit by a car or run so far and fast they get lost in an unfamiliar area.*


The above 2; if someone is worrying about those at 6 months of age, it solidly states one doesn’t have a solid recall or a solid heel or one could call it into a heel even if it was chasing something.


m.t.t said:


> *She couldn't see the pup may get hurt or ingest the foam etc*


Above leads to assumption if it picks something up you have to physically take it out of its mouth meaning it hasn’t been taught a “leave it” nor a “drop it” command.



m.t.t said:


> Do some research, they were not breed for hunting the italian greyhounds were breed as companions and bed warmers.


To state plainly: the below is *prey* *drive/hunt drive *so it hasn’t been bred out of your dog it still had the “hunt” ethology.


> they take off either in fright at a loud sound* or after a bird in the distance.*


Even though it sounds like you might have one with brittle bones here is picture of “non-hunting” Italian greyhound from a dog hunting group.









To show you what’s possible and allay some fear here are some well trained Italian’s off leash in the woods with their owner.





If yours doesn’t have brittlebones.
This is prey drive aka hunting instinct.





This is why I say find a good trainer and what your dog is capable of being. Easier to do in the 1st six months of life than later, and why I said you are making it harder to have a pup than it should be.





Your choice to continue with constant stress, and rationalize why it’s so hard and be fearful all time, or do something about it (contact a good trainer. Some will even do virtual but don’t argue with them about ethology).

A dog will become like you and act how you expect it to. If you expect it to be fearful and run it will.
You’re so full of fear and the dog is following suit.

How many dogs you had?
I’ve had more than my age. 😳 I’m getting old I guess. 😂

Since you keep saying “they” does that mean you have more than one?


m.t.t said:


> The question was about my relationship and the care of the dog.


Now you know which direction you need to go make your situation better.

Just for reference: I really don’t know much about dogs cause always more to learn.
Here are couple my extreme prey driven “sight hounds”/hunting dogs, which aren’t safe for others to pet, pulling a friend of mine while I stand down range giving them directional commands.
The one closest is the one who was biting/fighting with everyone in Household he came from, that “couldn’t be trained.” He *earned* his spot as lead dog.


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## red oak (Oct 26, 2018)

@m.t.t addendum to last post. 
You sound like you are your own worst enemy. 
I haven’t read your other posts: from this one seems you create your drama. 
Example: you researched the breed yet were surprised at the amount of work when it’s well known those require lots of time, especially when it’s a breed known to be hard to potty train, plus needs more time and training than 80% of breeds out there to get acclimated to common daily occurrences.
As one does with their dog so they do with the rest of their life.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

m.t.t said:


> You really don't comprehend do you. My dog does know the basic commands, they are well trained for their age and they are under my control. But, I don't trust them not to get a fright and run off when I'm not there or if they get let out accidently. That's the basic gist of it. You are lacking basic reading comprehension. The question was about my relationship and the care of the dog.


Honestly, I get both your perspective and that of @red oak ...and as someone who got our dogs not as puppies. While they're pretty well-behaved, we had stints of training that wasn't consistently followed through with as part of recall with the one that is more prone to taking off; hence, part of the reason why we opt for the dog resort when we're away. I think there's some valid points being raised about the training. Including that your dog may be different with you, compared to when with others. 

I remember years back we went to a group dog-training session. One of the trainers called us over afterwards and commented on the dominance of one of our dogs. He owned several rottweilers. All extremely well-behaved. He requested us to bring our 'dominant' dog into a room with his 4 or 5 rottweilers. My face must have said it all. Before we even entered the room, the trainer adjusted what we were doing / how we were handling just walking into the room with our dog. The trainer took over to demonstrate his approach; with a whole 'pack' of large powerful dogs.. and our dominant little guy (meaning our dog). The trainer made a couple of corrections to our dog's initial response. And highlighted how well trained his rottweilers were. Within a short time-span, he had our little dog sitting lined up next to them, waiting for his treat, relaxed leash, and the trainer reinforcing that he was the pack-leader. I didn't tell the trainer that I was the cat. Anyway, the point is there is merit in what is being said by @red oak Try to turn down your personal defenses to absorb it. I'm not suggesting that you are a 'bad' or naive dog owner. Simply, that I think what is being relayed is valid and may be something to consider.


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## red oak (Oct 26, 2018)

heartsbeating said:


> Honestly, I get both your perspective and that of @red oak ...and as someone who got our dogs not as puppies. While they're pretty well-behaved, we had stints of training that wasn't consistently followed through with as part of recall with the one that is more prone to taking off; hence, part of the reason why we opt for the dog resort when we're away. I think there's some valid points being raised about the training. Including that your dog may be different with you, compared to when with others.
> 
> I remember years back we went to a group dog-training session. One of the trainers called us over afterwards and commented on the dominance of one of our dogs. He owned several rottweilers. All extremely well-behaved. He requested us to bring our 'dominant' dog into a room with his 4 or 5 rottweilers. My face must have said it all. Before we even entered the room, the trainer adjusted what we were doing / how we were handling just walking into the room with our dog. The trainer took over to demonstrate his approach; with a whole 'pack' of large powerful dogs.. and our dominant little guy (meaning our dog). The trainer made a couple of corrections to our dog's initial response. And highlighted how well trained his rottweilers were. Within a short time-span, he had our little dog sitting lined up next to them, waiting for his treat, relaxed leash, and the trainer reinforcing that he was the pack-leader. I didn't tell the trainer that I was the cat. Anyway, the point is there is merit in what is being said by @red oak Try to turn down your personal defenses to absorb it. I'm not suggesting that you are a 'bad' or naive dog owner. Simply, that I think what is being relayed is valid and may be something to consider.


@m.t.t heartsbeating more eloquent than I.
I’ll give it a better try. I lack clarity at times.
Not trying to be arrogant or an ass.

As an example of change of perspective and finding a good fit/understanding….The one on the left, closest to camera, was to be put down at 8 months of age.
He was so eager and learned everything so fast, especially eager for pulling, he made lead dog soon as his joints were strong enough to pull me.
Pretty good for a dog that was* “mental and untrainable.” *

The dog had a human problem.

They said they had a dog problem, which is a rarity.

If a dog has a human problem it also means the humans are going to be having issues with each other, or within themselves.

I took him cause a dog trainer, and vet said he was mental. I was his last chance.
I tried to do phone consults, but they couldn’t as @heartsbeating said “turn down their personal defenses” to look at it from a different perspective.
As I stated before he had bit every one in the household.
Some of List against him.
1. Try to get him out of kennel he would bite.
2. couldn’t be house broken. Nervous peeing etc (Never once gone in ours house not had nervous peeing)
3. Eating all the trim in the house
4. Couldn’t be trained not to pull (within 5 minutes he was heeling good)
5. Wouldn’t recall etc etc etc.

When I took him if you said his name and reached for him you were bit.
If you were angry about anything and reached for him you were bit.
If come home in evening, or had him with me during day and getting stressed over work he was ready to fight just waiting for me to make a move.
We had some real tense moments.

If their is contention in the household, or person, the dog is gonna react to the stress.
With yours you have to be gentle like I had to be with this one, and *you need to fix yourself. *People tend to gravitate, or accidentally make a dog fit their subconscious. Same is sometimes said about relationships.
The dog one gets, or what it becomes, is basically expression of an individuals subconscious.

This is also about your relationship.

Hope this helps

Almost forgot. Heres The vid. All he needed was to be understood (change one’s mindset aka dog had human problems) the right fit/environment. Same often applies to relationships as well in. Y’all either fit together or don’t. Or perhaps one needs to look through a different lense. Put in the work or don’t (referring to both relationship and dog.)





I don’t know your partner, And am not saying they would be responsible.
Only you can do that and only by turning down your fear and evaluating objectively.
No one can be objective when they are so fearful.
It is possible it’s behavior with her would be different.


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## m.t.t (Oct 5, 2016)

red oak said:


> @m.t.t heartsbeating more eloquent than I.
> I’ll give it a better try. I lack clarity at times.
> Not trying to be arrogant or an ass.
> 
> ...


I really appreciate you coming back and trying to reframe it. I agree with a lot of what you have said.

I am fearful and needing to feel like I'm doing the right thing has made me anxious. As for the girlfriend the relationship has been a bit of roller coaster.

The puppy does have a different relationship with her. The puppy treats her differently. The puppy will then jump at her face when she holds it and go crazy licking her which turns to nipping. The pup will also chew on her hands and fingers, the puppy does not try this with me or anyone else just her and she lets it go until the puppy gets too overexcited. The puppy also wont respond to her using the same training commands that I use successfully or she won't use any commands at all like sit or wait. I think she sees them as more a trick rather than a basic need.

I guess she feels unsafe to me with the puppy as she is careless. She will let it get access to dangerous things medications etc and not notice or repeatedly fail to keep them from reach.

I am thinking though if the puppy was better trained then it would not even think to act differently with my girlfriend.

You have given me a lot to think about, thank you.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

m.t.t said:


> I really appreciate you coming back and trying to reframe it. I agree with a lot of what you have said.
> 
> I am fearful and needing to feel like I'm doing the right thing has made me anxious. As for the girlfriend the relationship has been a bit of roller coaster.
> 
> ...


If you're considering the training, ought not your girlfriend also be involved with that?

I hesitated about sharing this next thought but ...welcome to the internet (aka here goes)... trying to put myself in your shoes just on what you shared above, I really think that I would personally struggle being in a relationship with someone that I felt was potentially unsafe and careless. Correct me if I'm way off, I just can't help but think those traits are going to extend beyond the puppy and into other aspects of life. However, back to the puppy and training, I also get that like you said you may be over cautious/anxious compared with her being not cautious enough so to speak. No doubt you both would need to be onboard with learning together how to be with doggo.


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

I just think the girl friend wants a couple and the guy wants a triple , he wants the dog to be part and parcel of their relationship and while it is nice to have a dog if she is not into the dog and if the breed does not fit her it is as wrong as trying to talk her into letting his mate stay over


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## red oak (Oct 26, 2018)

m.t.t said:


> I really appreciate you coming back and trying to reframe it. I agree with a lot of what you have said.
> 
> I am fearful and needing to feel like I'm doing the right thing has made me anxious. As for the girlfriend the relationship has been a bit of roller coaster.
> 
> ...


Regarding the better trained, and following her commands…..both of you have to work with it.
One person cannot train a dog and it listen to others. It will listen to those who have worked with it and have a relationship with it and why I suggested going to a trainer together.
i worked with mine so much once they understood my wife’s tonality she would tell them to heel and they would come and heel to me. They had to learn if she told them they were to go heel to her.

Edit; A good test would be to find a good trainer and both of you go. If she shows no interest in maintaining and participating in strict training and control (manners) regimen for the dog, personally I would say, neither is she capable of keeping it.


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## m.t.t (Oct 5, 2016)

heartsbeating said:


> If you're considering the training, ought not your girlfriend also be involved with that?
> 
> I hesitated about sharing this next thought but ...welcome to the internet (aka here goes)... trying to put myself in your shoes just on what you shared above, I really think that I would personally struggle being in a relationship with someone that I felt was potentially unsafe and careless. Correct me if I'm way off, I just can't help but think those traits are going to extend beyond the puppy and into other aspects of life.


It is a struggle. I'm less enthused about living together at some stage. 

The puppy training will be put to her as a joint activity for us.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Puppies take time and energy and focus. If she isn’t up for it, hopefully you’ll discover that before you have to go out of town.


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## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

No - do not let her take the dog.
Board the dog for the duration of your time away. 
understand that you can’t depend on your GF to be helpful in these situations - at least until she learns how to be responsible and mindful.


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## m.t.t (Oct 5, 2016)

I'm back and feeling devastated. After my puppy broke its leg earlier in the year I restricted her running off leash in the garden until 3 weeks ago. I gave her supervised fetch activities and practised recall training etc. She has broken her leg again. The same leg but in a different place. I'm facing a tough decision on what is best for her. The costs will be huge for plating and for such fine legs plating doesn't always work. 

My girlfriend has now told me she can't help financially, she feels like I put the puppy first, doesn't quite get why I put the puppy first, why i worry so much about this puppy. She has offered to take the puppy for a while to help me and in order to maybe bond with it more to try and understand why I feel such a bond with puppy it as it's just a dog.

I can't afford to pay for another round of high vet bills so I'm torn with rehoming it to a owner where there are no financial restrictions, or anxiety over another break. The puppy broke her leg by running on grass. There was no impact. The vet feels that the leg was compromised by the previous break. I am also considering amputation and strict lead walking only. I really don't know what to do here. 

My girlfriend is just annoyed that this dog has gotten in the way of our time together. My loyalty lies with my puppy for many reasons.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

People have given your pages and pages of advice and observations about this girlfriend and you choose not to heed them. Nothing is going to change her core personality, and you will know what she's like. 

Forget about the girlfriend for now and focus solely on doing what's best for this dog.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Return the dog to the breeder.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

m.t.t said:


> Hi, I've talked about this relationship before but I have gone ahead seeing them as I'm getting needs met more and I've also worked out better boundaries etc.
> 
> We paid half each for this puppy, with the idea it was ours. She now admits she had no idea what hard work puppies were and has said to me that she realizes that I have done all the work. The pup loves her and she does love the pup but sees the pup differently to how it see it. I've devoted myself to the pup emotionally and worry about it where she sees the pup as a cute puppy but at the end of the day it is a dog.
> 
> ...


There are people who are just careless with animals. I have one of those in my life that I can't even trust to come over for one day and feed them if I need to be out of town. We've actually had fights about her leaving the door swinging open behind her and she had admit any fault on that at all or promise not to do it anymore. In the past when she had dogs she has lost them from being careless and not filling in gaps under her own fence to keep them from escaping and it was me that had to go find them and track them because she's too lazy.

The problem is you both paid for the dog. Unless you were going to offer her a lot of money to buy out for half of the dog, she should get to keep the dog some. But her inability to understand that the dog cannot be exercised much on a healing leg is very worrisome. 

You are about to be traveling and I guess that's the decision you have to make but I have to tell you if I had a head eye Care a whole lot about it's not a decision I would make to be gone 12 hours a day. Once the puppy is fully rehabilitated, you can put the puppy in a doggie daycare while you were at work. That works for a lot of them as long as they are good natured. 

I honestly think you need to try to buy out for half of the dog and put it in real pet care. She's either going to injure or lose your dog for you. If you care half as much about your dog as you do mine you just won't give anyone a chance to do that.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

So I hope it goes without saying that if she can't take care of a dog so you certainly doesn't need to be having your babies if that's what you're thinking of for the future.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

“hey gf, let’s go buy a greyhound puppy and raise it between two households”. 
then problems ensue….


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

m.t.t said:


> My girlfriend is just annoyed that this dog has gotten in the way of our time together.


I wish you'd just dump this asshole. Seriously. You don't take the damned good advice you've been given and you keep hooking up with these jerks. For some reason, you seem to gravitate to looney people. Who needs all this aggravation?

I've known several three-legged dogs in my lifetime. They did remarkably well getting around.

Y'know, you would be far happier if you would focus on living your own life and enjoying the love you get from your dog. It's a helluva lot more love than you'll ever get from that screwball woman you're involved with.


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## m.t.t (Oct 5, 2016)

Prodigal said:


> I wish you'd just dump this asshole. Seriously. You don't take the damned good advice you've been given and you keep hooking up with these jerks. For some reason, you seem to gravitate to looney people. Who needs all this aggravation?
> 
> I've known several three-legged dogs in my lifetime. They did remarkably well getting around.
> 
> Y'know, you would be far happier if you would focus on living your own life and enjoying the love you get from your dog. It's a helluva lot more love than you'll ever get from that screwball woman you're involved with.


I totally agree with you. I think I wrote my follow up badly. This is exactly what I'm doing. I'm just devastated that the puppy can't be let off lead safely even in a yard without being hurt. The vets are investigating why she is this fragile. It's not diet related and she had good bloodlines. It may just be bad luck, but it's just awful to see her in pain like this again.

I have distanced myself but not broken up with her. I no longer stayed at her place with the puppy, I stopped bring the puppy to her place as she still hasn't set her place up to make it either safe or comfortable for the pup. No dog door, no area safe to leave the pup to sleep, play or go to the toilet etc. This made her say that these things were her number one priority but still haven't happened. I was clear with her and told her that this is what I'm doing as her place isn't set up for a puppy and it's too hard on me and not fair for the puppy. Sh has no real understanding of any of it.

I love this pup. I'm working out with the vets what the best thing to do is. She may have paid half but I see her in no way part owner. I will pay her out at some stage but as she gets a staggeringly large salary and I'm on a very low income so she can wait. 

I won't ever leave the pup with her as I can see she is resentful and clearly has no feelings for it at all. She really did think puppies are cute and they just need some food. I'm an idiot for not following my gut and your advice but I'm working on why I'm like this. This is a long held pattern for me that i can trace back to when I was a child.


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

m.t.t said:


> I'm an idiot for not following my gut and your advice but *I'm working on why I'm like this*. This is a long held pattern for me that i can trace back to when I was a child.


Can you define what being like "this" is to YOU?


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

As you can tell, I'm a hardcore animal lover. If other people aren't, that's fine with me. However, I would never partner with such people. My husband and I took our two cats and dog on vacations with us most of the time. They were family, so I wasn't going to board them or have a pet sitter come in for a few hours a day.

Work with your vet to help the pup get over this hurdle. Even if it's costly treatment, see if you can work out a payment plan. If pup is in pain, can the vet give you some pain management meds? 

Look, I understand hooking up with jerks. I dated some of the biggest assholes on the planet. What I found out is I had not grieved or worked through the pain of a broken childhood. I was trapped in reliving it. I also ignored red flags because I felt the losers I hooked up with were the best I could do. I got free of the cycle. You can too.


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## m.t.t (Oct 5, 2016)

Prodigal said:


> As you can tell, I'm a hardcore animal lover. If other people aren't, that's fine with me. However, I would never partner with such people. My husband and I took our two cats and dog on vacations with us most of the time. They were family, so I wasn't going to board them or have a pet sitter come in for a few hours a day.
> 
> Work with your vet to help the pup get over this hurdle. Even if it's costly treatment, see if you can work out a payment plan. If pup is in pain, can the vet give you some pain management meds?
> 
> Look, I understand hooking up with jerks. I dated some of the biggest assholes on the planet. What I found out is I had not grieved or worked through the pain of a broken childhood. I was trapped in reliving it. I also ignored red flags because I felt the losers I hooked up with were the best I could do. I got free of the cycle. You can too.


 how did you get free of this cycle Prodigal?


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

m.t.t said:


> how did you get free of this cycle Prodigal?


First, I stopped having romantic relationships. That meant I had nobody with whom I could relive the dynamics of my dysfunctional past. Now I was left with myself. Nobody to blame. Nobody to engage with in an ongoing drama. Then I found a good therapist. I discovered I felt extremely uncomfortable having to face my demons. Thus, my damaged past worked as a catalyst for growth in a healthy direction when I faced the pain.

People often spend years in therapy and still find themselves gravitating towards the same screwed-up relationships. I believe that's because oftentimes people are terrified to unearth the pain they attempt to push down in all sorts of self-destructive ways.


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## m.t.t (Oct 5, 2016)

Prodigal said:


> First, I stopped having romantic relationships. That meant I had nobody with whom I could relive the dynamics of my dysfunctional past. Now I was left with myself. Nobody to blame. Nobody to engage with in an ongoing drama. Then I found a good therapist. I discovered I felt extremely uncomfortable having to face my demons. Thus, my damaged past worked as a catalyst for growth in a healthy direction when I faced the pain.
> 
> People often spend years in therapy and still find themselves gravitating towards the same screwed-up relationships. I believe that's because oftentimes people are terrified to unearth the pain they attempt to push down in all sorts of self-destructive ways.


Thank you for sharing x


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