# gotcha!!!



## cory275 (Aug 11, 2011)

in a previous relationship in college I accidentally heard my ex jerk off to porn. He had a loft apartment and one day I slept through class upstairs and busted him cumming home on his lunch break. This was about 6 years ago.

since then, I've been kind of scarred about the whole act. At the time we were having sex EVERY SINGLE DAY so I really couldn't understand why the hell he needed to jack off if we're so active. But it's seriously messed me up. I wouldn't let him take showers without me since he said that's when he'd jerk off while he had roommates in college. I'd check the trash for crusty, "seemingly clean" paper towels, and of course the computer.

these are all behaviors I've carried into my marriage. I seriously really try my hardest to keep my husband entertained so he doesn't want or need to jerk off, but he still does. When I come home late from work the toilet paper is messed up and his phone history is deleted EVERY TIME. I seriosly become a detective when I come home late from work. 

I'd really like to be able to accept that it's a natural thing that guys just do cuz I really don't think he's gonna stop. We already talked about it lots. And I threw my vibrators that I've had for years away when he said they make him uncomfortable. And we promised eachother we'd both be better about it. But it's been one sided. One time I even heard him jerking off in the bathroom when he locked himself inside after we had a fight.

it's really starting to piss me off... Like to the point where I don't want to be around him at all. I know on those days no matter how hard I try his junk will get as hard as over cooked linguini. It's a serious jab at my self esteem. w


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

I honestly can`t fathom why soooo many women have a problem with their mens masturbation.

The last two posts I`ve read about were from women who openly admitted they themselves had sex toys yet they didn`t want their men doing it.

WTF?

Marriage is hard enough without this madness added to it.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

There are two issues in play.

Each of you can fix one of them.

You are bringing past baggage surrounding the subject into your relationship. If you are basing your own sexual self-worth on whether or not your partner masturbates, you are setting yourself up.

If he has promised that he won't masturbate and continues to ... then he's being dishonest, and utterly unrealistic.

As a compromise, try co-masturbating.
Make it ok for either of you to do so, as long as you do it together, or one facilitates the other.

Left unchecked, neither of these issues will resolve themselves pleasantly.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

As long as masturbation doesn't effect your sex life (ie replaces it) then what's the big deal?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Brian. (Aug 5, 2011)

Almostrecovered said:


> As long as masturbation doesn't effect your sex life (ie replaces it) then what's the big deal?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Because women see mens sexuality as "dirty" and masturbation especcially as dirty/naughty/wrong etc etc.


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

Brian. said:


> Because women see mens sexuality as "dirty" and masturbation especcially as dirty/naughty/wrong etc etc.


Stop speaking for my gender as if you have any clue what women think about mens sexuality. Thanks.


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## Created2Write (Aug 25, 2011)

Therealbrighteyes said:


> Stop speaking for my gender as if you have any clue what women think about mens sexuality. Thanks.


No freaking kidding. Personally, I have no issues with my husband masturbating so long as he doesn't replace me with that masturbation. I even masturbate at times. It helps "keep the coals burning" so to speak. 

So, Brian, I think you may want to reconsider the conclusion you came to.


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

the OP said she did it but decided to stop and expected her husband to do the same. she said she just thought it was natural for men, was it natural for her then she decided to throw all her vibrators away and become unnatural? its all about control for some people


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## SepticChange (Aug 21, 2011)

okeydokie said:


> the OP said she did it but decided to stop and expected her husband to do the same. she said she just thought it was natural for men, was it natural for her then she decided to throw all her vibrators away and become unnatural? its all about control for some people


Um, she said she threw the vibrators away because he told her it makes him uncomfortable. And they both agreed they'd be better at it soooo they both made the compromise and like she said it was one sided. 

Personally for me I wouldn't care if my husband masturbated. I do it all the time and I see no big deal with it. Of course we haven't been having sex regularly but whatever the reason, I'm cool with it.


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

cory275 said:


> it's really starting to piss me off... Like to the point where I don't want to be around him at all. I know on those days no matter how hard I try his junk will get as hard as over cooked linguini. It's a serious jab at my self esteem. w


So, you are saying that his masturbation is replacing being intimate with you?

Yah - that would be a huge problem. What is his excuse for this? Why do you think he needs to masturbate so much - does he have a high sex drive - does he have anxiety - does he watch a lot of porn?

Couples need to turn their sexual energies toward each other. Are the both of you willing to do this - when he wants to masturbate to do it with you present so you can participate too?

Best wishes.


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

this is why i have an issue with it.. MY Husband chooses masturbation over being with me... I want sex A lot. once every 2 months is far from being ok with me.

Now it is the point where i dont want to have sex with him, becasue of the way it makes me feel about myself.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Brian. said:


> Because women see mens sexuality as "dirty" and masturbation especcially as dirty/naughty/wrong etc etc.


Who are you talking about? I'm a woman and i don't see men's sexuality as dirty or anything of the sort.

Masturbation is natural for both sexes.

Stop making such obscure blanket statements about women.

To the OP, people masturbate for different reasons and sometimes it's not for sexual purposes. Cut him some slack. He's taking care of your needs...but he still wants to masturbate.


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## SockPuppet (May 16, 2011)

Therealbrighteyes said:


> Stop speaking for my gender as if you have any clue what women think about mens sexuality. Thanks.


What do women think about mens sexuality?


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

SockPuppet said:


> What do women think about mens sexuality?


It's not "women", it's individual.

I know I love my husband's sexuality. I love turning him on and making him squirm. I love hearing his fantasies and trying my best to enact them :smthumbup: He's a sexy man and he doesn't even try.


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## Created2Write (Aug 25, 2011)

SockPuppet said:


> What do women think about mens sexuality?


I love my husbands sexuality. I don't want him to hide it or tame it down. I want him to lust after me, dream about me and wake me up in the middle of night to ravage me.  I love seeing his face when we make love, I love hearing his voice when we make love, and I love the feedback he gives me after we make love. My husband is hot and sexy with massive equipment. 

I think his sexuality is wonderful.


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