# My funny dating "resume"



## pylesrm

*I thought I would share a funny dating resume I made. Because why not.*

Dear Potential Mate,
It has come to my attention your heart is hiring and I would like to express my interest in the best boyfriend ever position. Currently, I am a ruggedly handsome, and intelligent, single father of three, with no one begging for my attention (yet). Please review my soul included in this packet.

Thank you so much for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
Randy Pyles


PROFESSIONAL SUMMARY:
I go as slow as you need me to.
I know you have a schedule.
I like to call just to say hi or I love you.
I’m totally down for the “Package deal.”
Super good cuddler.
I’ll talk about whatever girly thing you want to talk about.
You can kiss me whenever you want.
While you talk about those girly things, I’ll actually listen. Promise.
You’ll know you’re in if I let you meet my kids. It’ll be easy.
I value talk over text.
I play for keeps.


PROJECTS:
Raising three kids
So you know I’m good with kids, and I’m patient. 
Former marriage
It may seem bad at first, but I’ve been around and I know I’m not the center of attention. It also means I’m not afraid of baggage or responsibility. 
I went to college.
I still have all my text books. Between that and my love of conversation, we will never run out of things to talk about. I’m no dummy.
I have a full time job.
I just might be able to buy you stuff. . 
I workout sometimes.
I’m not fat, but I’m not, like, ripped.

Experience:
I'm a hard-working professional who cares deeply about my children and career, but I'm also a big nerd. I have three kids, two girls and a boy.

I am a huge believer in the idea that your significant other should be your very best friend in the world. It took me awhile to come to that understanding but once I arrived there I realized I can't afford to settle for anything less. That's why I think it is so important to not jump straight to dating or to being a couple, which makes the whole dating website thing a little counterintuitive. There isn't exactly the same thing on a "friendship" website.

I really enjoy my Darebee.com workout routine. Fitness is fairly new to me, but I love it. I lost 15 pounds in the first month doing nothing but bodyweight calisthenics.

I'm very philosophical and existential. Anything in regards to science and religion, I could just go on all day about. When I say religion, I'm not religious but I do find religions fascinating from a social evolutionary point of view.

If you're the type to watch the Bill Nye/Ken Ham debate, you're the one.

I also really like fixing things. That's where my heart is. Closing that gap from the way something is behaving, and bringing it back to it's original state.

I still have a bucket list, hopefully they match up with yours:

First and foremost, to own my own house
Travel back to Souda Bay, Crete
Get back into photography professionally
To own an AMC Javelin
Climb the corporate ladder, of course
More tattoos
To meet Bill Nye

CLEARANCE LEVEL:
You can tell me all your secrets. You are safe with me, I promise.

REFERENCES:
That would be kinda awkward, but I’m sure I could manage it.


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## SecondTime'Round

I cracked up at that last line .

I'd hire you except for the college textbooks (I hate clutter) and religion incompatibility!

I need to looking into what the heck darebee is! 

My friend who is currently doing online dating is actually using it to meet guy friends. Not exclusively, and she's only had one "taker," but she's actually contacting men she finds interesting and wants to just be friends with because it is difficult at this stage in our lives to make opposite sex friends. I'm not sure how well it's going to work out since she's also using the site to actually date.....not many men are going to be willing to be friend zoned instead of date material unless they are mutually physically unattracted to her!


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## pylesrm

SecondTime'Round said:


> I cracked up at that last line .
> 
> I'd hire you except for the college textbooks (I hate clutter) and religion incompatibility!
> 
> I need to looking into what the heck darebee is!
> 
> My friend who is currently doing online dating is actually using it to meet guy friends. Not exclusively, and she's only had one "taker," but she's actually contacting men she finds interesting and wants to just be friends with because it is difficult at this stage in our lives to make opposite sex friends. I'm not sure how well it's going to work out since she's also using the site to actually date.....not many men are going to be willing to be friend zoned instead of date material unless they are mutually physically unattracted to her!


Looks like I'm on the right track! And there's no clutter, all neatly arranged on my mantle. It's really not that uncommon, I made some along the way. I've had hook ups and dates, decent luck. I'm not afraid of being friends first. I think it scares women.


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## SARAHMCD

I would absolutely hire you!!! Too bad there aren't more guys like you online 
I'm sure you will have no problem finding the right woman (trusting they're online in your area) with this. Of course, you'll have to wade through a lot of others first.


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## pylesrm

SARAHMCD said:


> I would absolutely hire you!!! Too bad there aren't more guys like you online
> I'm sure you will have no problem finding the right woman (trusting they're online in your area) with this. Of course, you'll have to wade through a lot of others first.


You're too awesome, thanks. I've had more misses than hits, but maybe if I actually give this to a girl, I might have better luck.


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## coffee4me

I enjoyed reading your resume. Very clever and gave some good insight into who you are.


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## pylesrm

coffee4me said:


> I enjoyed reading your resume. Very clever and gave some good insight into who you are.


Thanks. I decided to just go ahead and make a dating profile. I'm sort of out of that game, but I might get some laughs.


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## Dude007

pylesrm said:


> *I thought I would share a funny dating resume I made. Because why not.*
> 
> Dear Potential Mate,
> It has come to my attention your heart is hiring and I would like to express my interest in the best boyfriend ever position. Currently, I am a ruggedly handsome, and intelligent, single father of three, with no one begging for my attention (yet). Please review my soul included in this packet.
> 
> Thank you so much for your time and consideration.
> Sincerely,
> Randy Pyles
> 
> 
> PROFESSIONAL SUMMARY:
> I go as slow as you need me to.
> I know you have a schedule.
> I like to call just to say hi or I love you.
> I’m totally down for the “Package deal.”
> Super good cuddler.
> I’ll talk about whatever girly thing you want to talk about.
> You can kiss me whenever you want.
> While you talk about those girly things, I’ll actually listen. Promise.
> You’ll know you’re in if I let you meet my kids. It’ll be easy.
> I value talk over text.
> I play for keeps.
> 
> 
> PROJECTS:
> Raising three kids
> So you know I’m good with kids, and I’m patient.
> Former marriage
> It may seem bad at first, but I’ve been around and I know I’m not the center of attention. It also means I’m not afraid of baggage or responsibility.
> I went to college.
> I still have all my text books. Between that and my love of conversation, we will never run out of things to talk about. I’m no dummy.
> I have a full time job.
> I just might be able to buy you stuff. .
> I workout sometimes.
> I’m not fat, but I’m not, like, ripped.
> 
> Experience:
> I'm a hard-working professional who cares deeply about my children and career, but I'm also a big nerd. I have three kids, two girls and a boy.
> 
> I am a huge believer in the idea that your significant other should be your very best friend in the world. It took me awhile to come to that understanding but once I arrived there I realized I can't afford to settle for anything less. That's why I think it is so important to not jump straight to dating or to being a couple, which makes the whole dating website thing a little counterintuitive. There isn't exactly the same thing on a "friendship" website.
> 
> I really enjoy my Darebee.com workout routine. Fitness is fairly new to me, but I love it. I lost 15 pounds in the first month doing nothing but bodyweight calisthenics.
> 
> I'm very philosophical and existential. Anything in regards to science and religion, I could just go on all day about. When I say religion, I'm not religious but I do find religions fascinating from a social evolutionary point of view.
> 
> If you're the type to watch the Bill Nye/Ken Ham debate, you're the one.
> 
> I also really like fixing things. That's where my heart is. Closing that gap from the way something is behaving, and bringing it back to it's original state.
> 
> I still have a bucket list, hopefully they match up with yours:
> 
> First and foremost, to own my own house
> Travel back to Souda Bay, Crete
> Get back into photography professionally
> To own an AMC Javelin
> Climb the corporate ladder, of course
> More tattoos
> To meet Bill Nye
> 
> CLEARANCE LEVEL:
> You can tell me all your secrets. You are safe with me, I promise.
> 
> REFERENCES:
> That would be kinda awkward, but I’m sure I could manage it.


You're FIRED!!!!!!!!!!!!


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## pylesrm

Dude007 said:


> You're FIRED!!!!!!!!!!!!


Aww man. What did I do?


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## Dude007

pylesrm said:


> Aww man. What did I do?



Just saw Trump on TV, sorry!


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## Hardtohandle

pylesrm said:


> Thanks. I decided to just go ahead and make a dating profile. I'm sort of out of that game, but I might get some laughs.


I'm interested in how it goes for sure..

Keep us posted please..

BTW Darebee.com is pretty good..


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## EnjoliWoman

It's a good combination of humor plus facts about you and what you're looking for.

I also don't see books as clutter - I need to build some built-in bookcases so I can put all of mine out. I kept the college books that were most useful as references.

The only thing that annoyed me was the use of "like" which was reminiscent of a 14 year old girl: "I’m not fat, but I’m not, like, ripped." You can say you aren't fat but not ripped - the whole overuse of 'like' just annoys me, personally. But maybe not the general readership.

Bill Nye all the way! But I'm a dork. As a kid I really LOVED the episodes of Mr. Rogers where they went to factories to see how things were made. I remember seeing how Flyer wagons and pencils were made and was/am fascinated.


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## Hardtohandle

EnjoliWoman said:


> It's a good combination of humor plus facts about you and what you're looking for.
> 
> I also don't see books as clutter - I need to build some built-in bookcases so I can put all of mine out. I kept the college books that were most useful as references.
> 
> The only thing that annoyed me was the use of "like" which was reminiscent of a 14 year old girl: "I’m not fat, but I’m not, like, ripped." You can say you aren't fat but not ripped - the whole overuse of 'like' just annoys me, personally. But maybe not the general readership.
> 
> Bill Nye all the way! But I'm a dork. As a kid I really LOVED the episodes of Mr. Rogers where they went to factories to see how things were made. I remember seeing how Flyer wagons and pencils were made and was/am fascinated.


I'm a violator of the like word and the words you know..

I regret tossing burning my books from school. They were old technology books talking about radio transmissions and other technology that would have been a great foundation to read for the computer stuff I do today..


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## Hardtohandle

I'm just keeping an eye on this thread.. I want to know this worked or didn't work for the OP..


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## Tomara

After reading and laughing I am in need of updating my dating site resume!


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## EleGirl

pylesrm said:


> CLEARANCE LEVEL:
> You can tell me all your secrets. You are safe with me, I promise.


Are you going to tell her all your secrets? You might want to add something about complete transparency.


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