# Four nights with an empty nest!



## Luvher4life (Jan 15, 2016)

It's just my wife and I for four nights without the two DDs. What can we do with these nights?

Been together nearly 20 years. We have sex at least 5 times a week, yet she doesn't think about sex much at all. She has no fantasies. She has some inhibitions.

I would love for it to be a week where we are completely into each other. Good open conversation. An uninhibited lust filled time with each other, doing things we can't do when the kids are at home. I honestly don't think it will be much different than when they are at home.

Any suggestions on getting her to open up? I've always told her I wouldn't judge her in any way. I'm not sure she completely believes me. Can a woman NOT have fantasies? I've never met a woman who didn't until her apparently.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

Luvher4life said:


> It's just my wife and I for four nights without the two DDs. What can we do with these nights?
> 
> Been together nearly 20 years. *We have sex at least 5 times a week, *yet she doesn't think about sex much at all. She has no fantasies. She has some inhibitions.
> 
> ...


She already HAS opened up to you. Sounds like you have the perfect life, at least compared to the rest of us on TAM. 

Did you ever think maybe HER fantasy is having sex with you at least 5 times a week, and her fantasy has come true?


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## zookeeper (Oct 2, 2012)

Your wife has lower desire than you? If she is having sex five times a week, I'd say she is a good, generous woman who values your needs and the marriage overall. 

I know this isn't what you are looking for, but how about you dedicate half the time doing the non-sexual things she would want but you can't do when the kids are home? 

If she's not really into sex, don't try to turn her into a porn star. Show your appreciation for her and her good heart.


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## Acoa (Sep 21, 2012)

Luvher4life said:


> It's just my wife and I for four nights without the two DDs. What can we do with these nights?
> 
> Been together nearly 20 years. We have sex at least 5 times a week, yet she doesn't think about sex much at all. She has no fantasies. She has some inhibitions.
> 
> ...


She could be perfectly happy with her sex life and just have no need to any crazyness. If she does have some fantasy she won't share, may be she doesn't feel safe disclosing them to you. 

That said, some fun things to do when the kids are away:

- No pants day (either undies or fully nude or bathrobes).
- Sex with the door open, or in rooms other than your bedroom.
- Sex in the middle of the day.
- Sexy dice game (randomly selects the sex act and targeted body part). Available at most sex shops or online.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Do a romantic thing for her every night. See what happens.


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## Luvher4life (Jan 15, 2016)

zookeeper said:


> Your wife has lower desire than you?


 Yes, I think she is more medium desire, or responsive desire. 



zookeeper said:


> If she is having sex five times a week, I'd say she is a good, generous woman who values your needs and the marriage overall.


She IS a good and generous woman for sure. She's the best person, friend, and wife a person could ask for. She's not perfect, but who is. She's about as close as they come. 



zookeeper said:


> I know this isn't what you are looking for, but how about you dedicate half the time doing the non-sexual things she would want but you can't do when the kids are home?


:grin2:Nope, that wasn't what I was looking for, but yes, I probably need to do more "non-sexual" things. I can do those when the kids are at home, however.:| 



zookeeper said:


> If she's not really into sex, don't try to turn her into a porn star. Show your appreciation for her and her good heart.


I definitely don't want a porn star, and I wouldn't try to turn her into one..., not that she would go for that anyway. I do completely appreciate her and she has a heart of gold. I consistently show her appreciation, and do anything she asks pretty much.

I really do know I have it really good, and I don't mean to come across as complaining. The thing is, there's always room for improvement in any aspect of a marriage. My goal is to continue to make life better for her as much as I can each and every day.


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## Luvher4life (Jan 15, 2016)

Acoa said:


> She could be perfectly happy with her sex life and just have no need to any crazyness.


I don't know about the "perfectly happy with her sex life" part, but she probably doesn't see a need for "craziness". As frequent as the sex is, yes. I think it helps to validate my attraction to her, even though she doesn't understand that attraction. I don't want to do anything crazy. I just want her to focus on her own desire a little more.



Acoa said:


> If she does have some fantasy she won't share, may be she doesn't feel safe disclosing them to you.


This is likely true. I hate to admit it, but I can be intimidating without meaning to be (not just with her). I've been working on that for many years. I think she thinks that I would be judgmental, or she thinks I would think her fantasy would be silly or something. I have always told her she can tell me anything that is going on inside her beautiful head. I practically have to coax her to say anything sexual, however.



Acoa said:


> That said, some fun things to do when the kids are away:
> 
> - No pants day (either undies or fully nude or bathrobes). *I've mentioned this before. Her standing thoughts are that somebody would come over and see us. I've told her that is what locks are for.:wink2:*
> - Sex with the door open, or in rooms other than your bedroom. *We have done this many times.*
> ...


To be honest, I just want her to communicate with me better sexually. She has always been very slow to O, and actually can't sometimes. I just want her to be able to relax, let go, and get into the moment more and easier. It's a rare occurrence for her to be able to just let go. She can be a squirter when she does, and has multiples occasionally. I think because of this she gets frustrated a little, and focuses more on me. I've told her many times, I'm fine, I will get mine whenever. I just want you to get yours. Maybe I'm adding a little pressure on her when I do that?


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

She's having sex five times a week. Maybe she doesn't want to think about it more. If I were you, I wouldn't rock the boat. You've been together 20 years so you must know her pretty well. Why can't you be happy with the way things are?


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## Luvher4life (Jan 15, 2016)

Blondilocks said:


> She's having sex five times a week. Maybe she doesn't want to think about it more. If I were you, I wouldn't rock the boat. You've been together 20 years so you must know her pretty well. Why can't you be happy with the way things are?


I am happy! Let's get that out of the way.:grin2:

With that being said, I still say there's always room for improvement. Just because things are very good, it doesn't mean we stop trying to make things even better.

We will relax together and enjoy each other's company for sure. What happens happens, and spontaneity is in order. I know her well enough to know what she's up for, so I will play it by ear.


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## Luvher4life (Jan 15, 2016)

Oh, and the edit function is gone! What the heck!

I was going to add that there is no way I would do anything that would "rock the boat". That would have to be drastic for that to happen anyway. I wouldn't even go for that.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

Cocaine?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Luvher4life (Jan 15, 2016)

Fozzy said:


> Cocaine?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Play some Eric Clapton?:grin2:


I do have some Eric Clapton (and tons of other music) on my phone that I can play through the home surround sound stereo via Bluetooth...:wink2: Subwoofer bumps mighty hard, too. All I need are strobe lights and a mirror ball and I'd have a dance studio.:grin2:


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## citygirl4344 (Mar 4, 2016)

So instead of trying to have sex a multitude of times try doing things together that you guys find it hard to do with kids at home.
Romantic dates to start.
Then you never know what might happen 


Sent from my iPhone


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## MrsHolland (Jun 18, 2016)

> I probably need to do more "non-sexual" things. I can do those when the kids are at home, however.





> I hate to admit it, but I can be intimidating without meaning to be (not just with her). I've been working on that for many years. I think she thinks that I would be judgmental,





> I still say there's always room for improvement. Just because things are very good, it doesn't mean we stop trying to make things even better.


As the kids get older there will be more and more time alone at home. Now would be a good time to fix some of the non sexual aspects of your marriage. Improving your sex life might well have a direct connection with making other improvements.


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## TX-SC (Aug 25, 2015)

Have her read TAM threads each night then hold her as she cries herself to sleep?


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

Have a "Sexy Night"..... lots of candles, sexy music, a picnic on a blanket on the living room floor. Get dressed up for each other... 

Or...look up tantric sex. Try some of those moves. They are sexy.... although the focus is not on PIV, it's very intimate. Something new and different and not porn sex. 

Ask her what her perfect night would be..... let her set up one awesome date nite, and you set up one.... play the other two by ear. I know as a mom, sometimes just a quiet night with NO ONE needing your attention is HEAVEN.


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## Luvher4life (Jan 15, 2016)

TX-SC said:


> Have her read TAM threads each night then hold her as she cries herself to sleep?


Now, that's funny!



...And WRONG!:crying:


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## Luvher4life (Jan 15, 2016)

SunnyT said:


> Have a "Sexy Night"..... lots of candles, sexy music, a picnic on a blanket on the living room floor. Get dressed up for each other...
> 
> Or...look up tantric sex. Try some of those moves. They are sexy.... although the focus is not on PIV, it's very intimate. Something new and different and not porn sex.
> 
> Ask her what her perfect night would be..... let her set up one awesome date nite, and you set up one.... play the other two by ear. I know as a mom, sometimes just a quiet night with NO ONE needing your attention is HEAVEN.


Now that's something that can be done.

We had some fun alone time last night. Without going into detail, we did some things we haven't done in a long time.

Unfortunately, the focus was more on me last night. Tonight the focus will be on her. Anything my wife wants she gets. I'll tell you, I am soooo blessed!


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## Luvher4life (Jan 15, 2016)

MrsHolland said:


> As the kids get older there will be more and more time alone at home. Now would be a good time to fix some of the non sexual aspects of your marriage. Improving your sex life might well have a direct connection with making other improvements.


Can you give an example of a non-sexual aspect? I'm not really sure what that means. Nothing pops in my head as to anything being "wrong" in our marriage. We get along very well and are best friends.

Yes, we're not too far away from an empty nest. My eldest daughter is 19, going to college, but works summers. She's not dating at the moment, lives at home, and will be commuting to college this fall semester. My younger daughter will be a junior in high school this coming year. I "kind of" dread the empty nest, but will be excited initially. My kids are growing up, and I'm living in the moment, though.


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## GuyInColorado (Dec 26, 2015)

Sex on the kitchen counter? Sex on the dining table? Sex on the family room couch?

I'd probably go away to a large downtown for a baseball game, dinner, etc for a couple nights at a nice hotel.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

Are you trying to focus on her fantasies, or yours?

As others have said, at 5x a week she may be getting exactly what she needs out of the marriage in terms of physical satisfaction. I would just use the extra alone time to relax together, maybe curl up and have a tv/movie marathon. Otherwise, you can always try:

- Some sort of sex board game or app
- Have sex WITH your socks on (seems to be a hot TAM topic today)
- Gang bang


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

Have you asked her what she would like to do while the children are gone? You might be surprised that the last thing on her mind is sex, because she is happy in that arena. She might be thinking of other ways to spend quality time with you.


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## happy2gether (Dec 6, 2015)

as someone that has been with their spouse over 20 years, and we also have sex 5-6 ties a week, I can tell you to dedicate one night to absolutely NOTHING. just veg out and watch a movie. Don't even wash a dirty dish, empty trash, NADA. If sex happens, great, if not then spend the time just cuddling and talking. Yes I am the man, yes I have a high drive, and yes I am advocating NOT trying for sex on a night alone. 


Now for the other nights you have free, a candlelit bath where you each slowly wash the other works great to set the mood. if you get too excited to dry off, then sex on the floor or kitchen counter is great and both clean easily.


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

Cook dinner for her...naked. Then cook breakfast for her....naked.


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## BioFury (Jul 9, 2015)

Luvher4life said:


> Can you give an example of a non-sexual aspect? I'm not really sure what that means. Nothing pops in my head as to anything being "wrong" in our marriage. We get along very well and are best friends.
> 
> Yes, we're not too far away from an empty nest. My eldest daughter is 19, going to college, but works summers. She's not dating at the moment, lives at home, and will be commuting to college this fall semester. My younger daughter will be a junior in high school this coming year. I "kind of" dread the empty nest, but will be excited initially. My kids are growing up, and I'm living in the moment, though.


Have you tried asking her what you can do to make her life better? What's something that you could do, that would make her feel more loved and cherished?


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## Starstarfish (Apr 19, 2012)

If you "go after" her hardcore during these four days, you might put into her mind what you'll be like once the the DDs leave the house on a more permanent basis. 

Which if 5 -/+ days a week is at the top end of her sexual desire, she might start finding reason for wanting the kids to stay in the house longer if she thinks he'll get no peace sexually once they leave. I'm just saying.


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## Luvher4life (Jan 15, 2016)

BioFury said:


> Have you tried asking her what you can do to make her life better? What's something that you could do, that would make her feel more loved and cherished?


I actually ask her this question regularly. Her response? Nothing.

All I can do is treat her right, do some things I know she wants or expects, and show her how much I cherish and respect her.


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## Luvher4life (Jan 15, 2016)

Starstarfish said:


> If you "go after" her hardcore during these four days, you might put into her mind what you'll be like once the the DDs leave the house on a more permanent basis.
> 
> Which if 5 -/+ days a week is at the top end of her sexual desire, she might start finding reason for wanting the kids to stay in the house longer if she thinks he'll get no peace sexually once they leave. I'm just saying.


Not really. I don't think this is a problem. We both know it will happen in the next few years. We are just living in the moment, and we both know that our physical desires will likely change over the course of time. "Hardcore"? No, we are just spending quality time with each other for the most part. The sexual connection we have has gotten better over time, and we are opening up with each more and more. It doesn't "have" to be about sex, just staying connected with each other on an intimate level. Besides, I know she needs to feel wanted and desired. I don't put undue pressure on her.


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## BioFury (Jul 9, 2015)

Luvher4life said:


> I actually ask her this question regularly. Her response? Nothing.
> 
> All I can do is treat her right, do some things I know she wants or expects, and show her how much I cherish and respect her.


Then you're doing good, keep it up. Hold onto her and never let her go.


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