# Same Frequency!



## LVS (Apr 5, 2010)

Also it is hard to build a relationship over the internet or the phone.I tried to take it slow and didn't want to rush things but with all what we have in common it didn't work and WE FELL IN LOVE,our relationship is amazing. 

We are on the same wave length, on the same frequency all the time. While chatting so many times we finish each other sentences, we think so much alike. Over and over again we say the same things at the same time. It is amazing in so many ways. And he is 3000 miles apart!!!

Is anyone of you experiencing similar things? If so you are welcomed to share!!!!


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

My relationship isn't long distance, but there's a number of similarities... To be honest, our relationship started as a physical one, and was supposed to stay like that. But now (almost 6 months later), we're pretty deep in love. Neither of us was looking for that at all!

I don't know what kind of future we'll have... This has "rebound" written all over it for both of us, after long marriages. But we're both enjoying what we have, and rebuilding ourselves and self esteem, as well as supporting each other emotionally.

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LVS (Apr 5, 2010)

P Bear thanks for sharing. 
I am curious to know if things happen to you like in my relationship i mean the finishing each other sentences or saying same things at the same time i would like to know how this happen i am so excited about this connection is it something that happens normally in each love relationship? It is new for me!


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

LVS I think it depends what you are talking about.
Also how much information you have given him up front about yourself without benefit of give and take in conversation. 
I would be careful about the balance of in-person time vs. phone or internet time. It is much easier to connect with someone abstractly, having lives that mesh together in person and amongst other people is an entirely different thing. It really depends what you are looking for in a relationship. If it is to be connected to someone at an abstract non-physical compartmentalized way, then what you have is perfect. If you want something else, judge that on how well you connect with respect to the something else.


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## LVS (Apr 5, 2010)

Homemaker_Numero_Uno thank you for your input.
Well we talk about so many things from art to politic to literature we discuss different subjects we have similar way to look at things and analyze them, we have a lot of fun while talking to each other we laugh a lot and also we have a lot of things in common same likes and dislikes we are so much alike and also everything is balanced in our relationship.
And all our conversation are very respectful. That is what made love more deep.
You said if we want something else from our relationship. Of course this is not going to last for ever the way it is when he comes back we are going to date each other and see how things will work in person. I wish it is going to be the same because i love him and i see a future with him.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

Being on the same frequency of arts, politics, religion is great.
What about things like background noise at home, driving preferences, attitude towards safety, sexual habits and desires, recreational interests, money, food and sleep? Moving on to time spent on hobbies and pasttimes and friendships (includine opposite gender friendships) outside the relationship, attitude towards couple time together alone and with other couples...volunteerism, and general living habits (i.e. recycler or someone who throws trash out the car window)? 

All of these are things you can generally find out about with extended face to face dating. It is easy to say they don't matter if you aren't exposed to them on dates or when spending time together.

Plus, you can't be sure about things like body odor, bad breath, whether he excuses himself to fart, or leers at beautiful women with no respect for others, taps his fingers irritatingly, steers the car with his knees while eating or picking his nose...and all of this stuff matters.

It's the little things. They really are important. 
Sure if you love someone then some things can be worked on, but if you have a choice, a local relationship is best. I think it sells yourself short by not considering a local relationship. At least get out and meet people and be open-minded. Here is my theory, if you can meet one person who you click with like that, it's possible to connect with others as well. Maybe someone you would have more information about in person. 

Not to say the relationship is not beneficial in any way, just that it might be on your path and not the destination.


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## LVS (Apr 5, 2010)

I see what you mean and you are absolutely right i am waiting the time till he comes back and we are going to start dating and this is what i am looking for to have full judgment on our relationship. I know what are his interests and we have a good way to communicate with each other and we both know what we need to work on in our relationship

I am honest with him about my positive and negative and so he is. we are connected in so many ways all are good but i know not enough because we need to meet in person to at first see how his actions match his words and so many other things, you mentioned some of them and i really appreciate your advice very helpful one.

BTW He moved to the other state to take care of his mom who has a terminal cancer afterward he will come back. He was a coworker. I didn't get the chance to know him better i only had one conversation with him in person. But i know some about him and few people who know him at work this is something positive. 

I was not looking for a relationship but to make friends because i have my responsibilities toward my kids and i can't be available 100%. and that's how we started as friends but with all the similarities that we share things changed and we fell in love


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

LVS, no, we don't finish each others sentences or say the same things too often. But we do have similar thoughts/feelings about a lot of things. With the possible exception that she's much more artistic than I am, and she appreciates that world more than me. 

Your idea of starting to date when he gets back into the area sounds great. It sounds like you're well aware of the need to restart when you're in person... I've never had a long distance relationship but that makes sense to me. HNU makes many good points on that. On the plus side, it sounds like you have a great start! 

Who knows, maybe because you've had this open communication going up front, you'll have a stronger relationship in person. With my GF, I think our communication is so much more open and honest than anything else I've experienced because of how we started out. And it hasn't gone away yet. . All I know right now is that I'm happier than I've been in years, and my friends can see it.

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

It sounds like a good start, considering that you know him from work. I'd add another note of caution and that is the relationship is shifting at a time when he is dealing with a traumatic event. So although lending emotional support is important to any friendship, make sure that you are not doing all the giving and that he is capable of giving too. Right now that might be limited for him. I don't think it's a great idea for him to be doing this, but I can see the temptation and also the risk if he doesn't proceed maybe you will lose interest. I guess what I'm saying is that if it develops more then he might question whether it is because of the stress he is going through or because of true feelings that he has. I'd make sure you are not his only support person.


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## LVS (Apr 5, 2010)

PBear i wish you the best in your relationship you have a nice one.
I pray that we can work this relationship out and i am so positive about it.
And guess what? I am going to visit him for two weeks leaving next week. 
I know it is not enough time to make my judgment but i will meet his mom and see everything closer and get to know him better. also i will see the way he deal with her and other people around him this is so important to me.


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## LVS (Apr 5, 2010)

HNU you are right and he is overwhelmed and exhausted plus his mom is ungrateful what make the situation more tiring.

In our relationship he is giving me as i am giving him i would never go on farther in my emotions or the relationship if we were not on the same page in everything.
And as you said he is not in a situation where he should have a relationship we both started as friends but all i can say is wow about all the connection we have.

I don't know if i got you right about what you mean with to make sure i am not his only support person.

Well he has friends who check on him on the phone also a friend who come to visit once in a while also his brother who lives away but visit also once in a while.
But the really supporting and significant person in his life now is only me.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

Only you know if you are supporting him in his being strong on his own two feet, or if you are functioning as a crutch. IMO in early relationships, if one person becomes too dependent on another and ends up feeling like they don't have the opportunity to be strong individually, they can end up resenting the support and the person who offers it. There is a sort of signalling when too much support is offered...it sends a signal that you don't think that the person is capable of handling the situation on their own. Therapists and attorneys and midwives know the ins and outs of this all too well.
Most laypeople in relationships don't, and then they wonder afterwards why if they were so caring and supportive, why they ended up getting bit/dumped/left behind? It's not because of you, it's because of the way the other person experienced themselves when you helped. It's like a present. The packaging and presentation counts a lot. (The Japanese have got that down with flying colors, if you are familiar with Japanese mores of gift-giving, you'll know exactly what I'm saying.)

I met someone that I think would make a good partner long-term. And I am being careful NOT to get involved but to become acquainted. If I entered into any kind of relationship and accepted help other than kind words or muted appreciation of my resiliency, I know for certain I would ruin any potential relationship for myself with this person. Because I do care about the potential of the relationship, I'm choosing the distance of non-interference. It's like a seed...once it starts growing it's best to leave it alone and let it be. It knows what it's doing. There's nothing you can do other than to be aware of where it is and not interfere with what it needs to grow. It will flower, you can admire it and even enjoy the perfume...but have to wait until it pollinates to grow more of it. If you over water it will die, if you underwater it will parch, if you over-weed you'll destroy roots, if you under-weed it will be starved out, if you put a support up, the stalk will weaken or be pinched off or it can't turn to get the sun or to adapt to obstacles. Gardening is serious business. It involves a lot of hands-off time and patience. You can no more solve another person's problems than you can control the growth of a sunflower. I think love is an important ingredient but sometimes the best expression of that is a thought and not much more. I have never known true love not to take root and grow.


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## LVS (Apr 5, 2010)

HNU Thanks for taking time to post your reply i really appreciate it. That is true and deep way of saying things.

What is happening now kind of apply on what you mentioned in your post.

MY plan to visit him changed because my family is paying my tickets with my son's ticket to go to my country. First he told me that is ok you go to your family you need that and enjoy your time there.

But later he was in a shut down condition 

I feel sad about it and he is in hard situation mostly because he has nothing joyful in his current life while waiting his mom death. The only thing was giving him joy was the hope to see me and now this hope is gone, so you can picture how he is feeling. 

What i want to do is letting him deal with his emotions. I don't want to show him so much care i am not his mom plus i want him to be more strong and get out of it strong that is how i need my man! but also i need him to know i am concerned about him

It is really hard he is not contacting me. when i text him he only answer with brief answers.

Should i stop contacting him and wait until he contacts me?


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## angel21 (Jun 20, 2011)

it is hard i talked to a guy from the internet and on the phone and it didn't work out for me and him to date. he was a kind of guy that didn't know what he wanted.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

LVS, you can tell him that you think of him and if it is your practice that you pray for him and his mother as well. Assure him that you repsect whatever relationship he has with his mother, it is a sacred bond and deserves to have its time in what time is left, and you don't want to ruin that experience for him.

He is in another place and he needs to be there. Sometimes a country yanks a passport of someone who should not leave. Sure he is upset maybe he had ideas of that when his mother passed away you would come to help with planning a funeral, etc. But that's not the relationship you have right now. You can send flowers at that time and cards (one for him personally, one for display with the flowers), and later you can listen to him and just be there. But this is his relationship, with the person who gave birth to him and nurtured him through his infancy. He is probably a little bit scared, he wants security to have someone love him the same way a mother loves an infant. That time has passed. If he received it, he's like most people, he can't consciously remember it, he can only feel it. It's only by sitting uninterrupted with his mother, and nurturing her with the guarantee of 'failure' (death) and reversing the process of life, that he will feel complete. You're human, and you can never provide a love so perfect as a mother to an infant, for him. He needs to get it from her, by giving it. 

If you believe this when you tell him to be there for his mother, without your interference but with your thoughts of support and caring, then I think that he will have a better chance of not being resentful and also a better chance for a relationship in the future. 

Love is not always hands on.

I have many people who have supported me in my marriage. All of them care about me and all of them loved me enough to not tell me what to do, but to wait until I made my own decision. If they provided any more than they did, I would have felt like a total incompetent, I would have panicked and maybe even wondered can I function as a mother, and felt that I was an object of pity and therefore not an object of love and caring, somehow unworthy, that nobody could love and so why not just stay in my relationship if I'm that miserably incompetent and unworthy of antyhing...on the other hand, if they totally ignored me and treated me like another statistic, I would have felt that my problems were not real, and not even worthy of my own attention, and that perhaps I was delusional for thinking that they existed.

Love is like a heartbeat. It has a measure, and a distance, between the beats. I heard that it is in that measure, the non-beating time, that is when electrical activity is conducted and transmitted, even to other people, people you have been physically close to and synchronized with through a feeling of affinity, but maybe they're not even there physically now...but you remain synchronized. So when I say to tell him you are thinking of him, I don't mean in the abstract. I mean, really sitting down and spending time with him. I doubt he will not feel this if you are connected as you described.

I stay connected to friends this way often. I ran into a woman who as a teenager was my neighbor, she cared for my son for a couple years as she was home-schooled. She tuaght my son to call to the ravens in a special place near our home. She roller bladed with him for miles and miles in our town on the state road, she went with us to the Everglades, the Grand Canyon, Las Vegas and Flagstaff. I hadn't seen her in years and had recently admired some photos of her we had on our bookshelf and thought, I am holding on to her past, if I want to see her now I need to let this past go. I destroyed the pictures after taking one last look. Not two days later I ran into her when I went to our Y on a whim to pick up a schedule just to kill time before a dance class. She had also been thinking of me. The receptionist could not believe that after 15 years we had kept up with each other through friends and knew of each other's children and whereabouts and most major life events. LOL. I have other friends I think about and usually they call if the thought is strong enough. Once I picked up a package from a friend and told my kids, oh this is from Leila, I bet it is a garden frog. Sure enough, inside was a gold frog in a Buddha pose. I had been meditating on getting a Buddhalike small statue but decided it is the kind of thing, like a dreamcatcher or a special ring, that you cannot just go out and buy. It's something you have to meditate on and wait for it to arrive. Love is like that too. Intentions are strong things, that is why it is better to focus on intention to see if it is true, rather than to rely only on physical reality (even if that is phone calls and internet).


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

Point in case. I was thinking about my son (regarding the mothering feelings, and staying in touch even when not physically possible by traditional means...) and voila, he called. Haven't heard from him in weeks. He's away at training and phone time is limited, as well as internet...

See, it works. It's not exactly telepathy, but along those lines. There are a lot of things about the world and about electromagnetic pathways that we do not understand. There are also a lot of things we don't need to understand consciously, we just need to trust that is the way it is.


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