# Young and seperated after 1.5 years



## Rwalker91 (Jul 18, 2017)

I had to recently kick my wife out of the house. She had begun lying to me about money and then cheated on me while I was sick. Our marriage had already seemed to have lost its spark but I still loved her and would never have wanted to leave her. She stopped coming home when I got sick(Strep) and she said she was going to hang out with old high school friends which I trusted her so I let her go since I was just going to be on the couch watching tv. She told me she would be home later that night. Then called and said she will be drinking so I told her I would see her in the morning. she comes home late afternoon in a new outfit. I comment on it and ask her how much money did she have left. Becuase we were supposed to go up north. But I had gotten sick. She had spent 350 in one day. While we are on a budget that she helped make to get out of debt. She goes up stairs and is upset and I ask her whats wrong she tells me she cheated on me. I am upset but think we can work it out. She then tells me she loves him. The next day she leaves and doesn't come back for 4 days while lying about when she would be home. I got sick of it and told her to get her stuff out of the house. 
She will not even talk to me or her parents unless she needs money. She keeps telling me if I do this she will see me. I ask her when and then she freaks out about me constantly asking her. Saying keep asking and you will never see me. She keeps just saying that all I care about is money, but the truth is I just want to provide the best life for us and debt is in the way of doing that. Her parents are concerned with how she is acting and are worried she is making a big mistake. My wife tried twisting everything to make her parents dislike me for kicking her out, but the reality is they are embarrassed with how she is acting. 
My question is, do I just leave her alone and not contact her at all and wait to see if she decides to go to marriage counseling on her own. Do I leave her alone for a few weeks and then ask her to meet up, because currently she just lies about being busy. Or is Divorce inevitable, I love her and have been with her outside of marriage for 7 years. and cannot see myself without her. But these games she is playing is making me miserable as well


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## FrazzledSadHusband (Jul 3, 2014)

Find the 180 on this site. She has made it clear that her future doesn't belong with you. No kids?

Get an attorney. File tomorrow morning, have her served at work. Do you know if her f toy is married? 

Expose to all & move on. Seek counseling to find out why you are willing to tolerate your wife f---ing someone else & then treating you like a plan b.

Read the book No More Nice Guy to improve your NEXT relationship.
Work out hard, lift weights hard. Take care of yourself.
Don't place all the blame on yourself. She could have communicated what she needed in a relationship without f---ing someone else.


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## ReturntoZero (Aug 31, 2015)

Be quiet and cool.

Quit talking to her.

Find out everything you can about her and posOM.

Then expose everything... to her parents, to his wife, her workplace, to his parents, use Facebook - go nuclear.

Then observe everything as if you're watching it happen to some 3rd party.

Don't jump the gun. Track down phone records, receipts, everything.

It won't be difficult - she's swinging wildly and is completely out of control.

If you don't wish to do this... tell us why.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

File and move on you have zero future with this.


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## getting it together (Jun 28, 2017)

ReturntoZero said:


> Be quiet and cool.
> 
> Quit talking to her.
> 
> ...


:iagree:


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## Rwalker91 (Jul 18, 2017)

I kind of figured that this would be what I should do. It is just hard considering I had given her my all for the past 7 years.


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

Rwalker91 said:


> I kind of figured that this would be what I should do. It is just hard considering *I had given her my all for the past 7 years.*


... and she took that and threw it to the curb. 


Think... What would you tell a friend to do if his wife did these things? 

Look at it as an outsider. Does she look or act like someone who is an adult in a committed marriage? 

It's okay to be young and have fun. It's not okay to act in a way that's detrimental to your marriage and commitments. 

I'll be blunt. I'd tell any young man the same thing. Get rid of her. She's not marriage material. She's not mature enough. Her dysfunction will only set you back further and only waste more of your life. There are plenty of women (not girls) out there that will share their life with you as a partner, not an obstacle. 

You deserve better. We all deserve better. 

Here... No More Mr Nice Guy

Best


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## zookeeper (Oct 2, 2012)

You love her? Are you sure your not mistaking fear of change for love?


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

BTW, Her cheating on you has nothing to do with anything you did or didn't do. *NOTHING.* 

She did that all on her own. It was her own choice and free will to screw some other guy. 

....and she didn't fall in love with him while you were sick for a few days. 

Sent from my SM-T700 using Tapatalk


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

File for the divorce. Right now, legally married, she is a liability. You mentioned debt. Well, whatever debt she runs up during your marriage is also your debt. Protect yourself financially. File. If she digs a deeper debt hole, it won't be your problem. If she gets herself straight, you could always remarry later.


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## Tatsuhiko (Jun 21, 2016)

You're young and you have no children. You WILL find a decent woman who will love you as much as you love her. Put this one in your rear view mirror. She needs a few more decades to grow up and will continue to sap your finances and your soul if you stay married. Let her parents assume responsibility for her since she is still emotionally a child.


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## ReturntoZero (Aug 31, 2015)

Tatsuhiko said:


> You're young and you have no children. You WILL find a decent woman who will love you as much as you love her. Put this one in your rear view mirror. She needs a few more decades to grow up and will continue to sap your finances and your soul if you stay married. Let her parents assume responsibility for her since she is still emotionally a child.


OP... don't "move on and find someone" until you work out your issues.

You need to work on yourself and your own emotions until you can figure out what attracted you to this one.

Or else you risk repeating this over and over.

When it's all totaled up, the "final" cost for this one will be relatively small. There are literally hundreds of stories here of 20-25 years wasted/thrown away.

The big risk is repeating this dance with another, then another, then another.

For that not to happen, YOU have to change.


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## Broken_in_Brooklyn (Feb 21, 2013)

Rwalker91 said:


> I had to recently kick my wife out of the house. She had begun lying to me about money and then cheated on me while I was sick. Our marriage had already seemed to have lost its spark but I still loved her and would never have wanted to leave her. She stopped coming home when I got sick(Strep) and she said she was going to hang out with old high school friends which I trusted her so I let her go since I was just going to be on the couch watching tv. She told me she would be home later that night. Then called and said she will be drinking so I told her I would see her in the morning. she comes home late afternoon in a new outfit. I comment on it and ask her how much money did she have left. Becuase we were supposed to go up north. But I had gotten sick. She had spent 350 in one day. While we are on a budget that she helped make to get out of debt. She goes up stairs and is upset and I ask her whats wrong she tells me she cheated on me. I am upset but think we can work it out. She then tells me she loves him. The next day she leaves and doesn't come back for 4 days while lying about when she would be home. I got sick of it and told her to get her stuff out of the house.
> She will not even talk to me or her parents unless she needs money. She keeps telling me if I do this she will see me. I ask her when and then she freaks out about me constantly asking her. Saying keep asking and you will never see me. She keeps just saying that all I care about is money, but the truth is I just want to provide the best life for us and debt is in the way of doing that. Her parents are concerned with how she is acting and are worried she is making a big mistake. My wife tried twisting everything to make her parents dislike me for kicking her out, but the reality is they are embarrassed with how she is acting.
> My question is, do I just leave her alone and not contact her at all and wait to see if she decides to go to marriage counseling on her own. Do I leave her alone for a few weeks and then ask her to meet up, because currently she just lies about being busy. Or is Divorce inevitable, I love her and have been with her outside of marriage for 7 years. and cannot see myself without her. But these games she is playing is making me miserable as well



You only have 8.5 years with her and she cheats on you while you are sick. She tells you she loves him then disappears for 4 days. She expects you to support her while she cheats. She makes demands of you while she cheats. She gets angry because you are upset that she cheats on you. 

File for divorce now and don't look back. Cut this cancer out of your life quickly or you sir will very very much deeply regret it later on. She is not a keeper. She is a cheater, a liar, an entitled lazy princess who expects you to support her no matter what poison she brings into the relationship. Let her new boyfriend support her lazy azz and forget you ever loved her. For your sake I hope you don't have children with her.


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## Rwalker91 (Jul 18, 2017)

My next question is. Do I pack up her stuff and drop it off to her parent's house? And should I hire a lawyer or will filing the divorce myself work. The house was bought in my name prior to the wedding. So I do not believe I risk losing the house. 2/3 of the credit card debt is in my name. and 3/4 of the student loans are hers.


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

Ask a lawyer, in order to protect yourself. He/she will be familiar with the laws of your state and advise you accordingly.


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## Hexagon (Jun 20, 2017)

No kids then? This can be a clean break if you lead it in that direction. With no children, she can become a ghost of a memory. 
Before my STXW was pregnant with my daughter, I considered leaving her. 
Deep down in the very depths of my soul (or where it should be) I had a feeling that if I didn't leave before she had a child, it would be hell.
I ignored that feeling.

Don't make my mistake. It sounds a tad harsh but if you don't have kids, I'm rather happy for you. This can and will be nothing but a learning experience for you. Good luck. 

Also, don't touch anything of hers if you don't have to. You could end up paying for it.


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## Broken_in_Brooklyn (Feb 21, 2013)

Lawyer up immediately. Don't give her a hint of what is coming. No communication. Listen to what your lawyer says. But in general:

Cancel all joint credit cards. Separate your finances immediately. 
Cell phone bill, her car insurance, etc pay to the end of the month. Tell her that her new found love can start footing the bill next month. He can't pay, tell her McDonald's is always hiring. Also, the local armed forces recruiting station is always looking for a few good gals. 
Her stuff in the house, when the lawyer says it is ok gather it all up neatly and box it up. Put it in storage, pay 1 or 2 months in advance and send her parents the key along with the address. 
Then gather a few close friends and go on holiday. Forget about her, she is not worth it. Consider yourself lucky you know now and not 25 years from now. 


ohh, block her and all her enabling friends from social media. Be careful what you post there. Be very discrete until divorce is finalized


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## ReturntoZero (Aug 31, 2015)

Rwalker91 said:


> My next question is. Do I pack up her stuff and drop it off to her parent's house? And should I hire a lawyer or will filing the divorce myself work. The house was bought in my name prior to the wedding. So I do not believe I risk losing the house. 2/3 of the credit card debt is in my name. and 3/4 of the student loans are hers.


Make the appointment with the lawyer to discuss all of this.

Don't make any firm plans until you expose her behavior and see what happens.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Rwalker91 said:


> My next question is. Do I pack up her stuff and drop it off to her parent's house? And should I hire a lawyer or will filing the divorce myself work. The house was bought in my name prior to the wedding. So I do not believe I risk losing the house. 2/3 of the credit card debt is in my name. and 3/4 of the student loans are hers.


Yes, pack up her stuff and drop it at her parent's house.

If you have not children with her and very little in assets and debt, you can file on your own. Look up your state's court self help site. They will have all the forms you need. If at some point you feel you need an attorney, you can always hire one.

Since you were married for only 1.5 years and bought the house prior to marriage, there is most likely no marital equity.

Student loans belong to the person who made the loan. So she gets her student loans, you get yours.

The rest of the assets & debt can be divided 50/50. Keep in mind that in some states the creditor can come after you if she does not pay her part of the marital debt. So you might want to just keep all the debt in your name and let her keep all of it in her name.


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## ReturntoZero (Aug 31, 2015)

EleGirl said:


> Yes, pack up her stuff and drop it at her parent's house.
> 
> If you have not children with her and very little in assets and debt, you can file on your own. Look up your state's court self help site. They will have all the forms you need. If at some point you feel you need an attorney, you can always hire one.
> 
> ...


I wouldn't take it to her parents.

I'd rent an 8x10 at Public Storage for a buck and mail her the key.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

ReturntoZero said:


> I wouldn't take it to her parents.
> 
> I'd rent an 8x10 at Public Storage for a buck and mail her the key.



A 8x10 storage for a buck? Where do you live that it's that cheap? Here it's $100 or more a month and you have to sign a minimum 3 month lease. And there is a security deposit.


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## ReturntoZero (Aug 31, 2015)

EleGirl said:


> A 8x10 storage for a buck? Where do you live that it's that cheap? Here it's $100 or more a month and you have to sign a minimum 3 month lease. And there is a security deposit.


$1.00 special for the first month.

I speak from experience.

Admittedly, that was awhile back.


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## Broken_in_Brooklyn (Feb 21, 2013)

I mentioned storage because the entitled princess has been in an adult relationship for 7 years plus married for 1.5. Why should her poor parents be burdened by her poor choices? Its not like she has a disability (if you do not include entitlement and selfishness). She can get a job like everyone else in the real world and pay her own way.


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