# I disclosed that my boyfriend was trying to cheat on me with a man -- to his sister. Do I apologize?



## redpandapanda2 (Feb 23, 2021)

I need some advice after having a big fall out last night that was off the charts and I had my part in it.

I was in a 6 month long distance relationship with a man who told me he wanted to marry me, took me on great trips, and even suggested he wanted to propose to me on month 2.
On month 3, I realized that he wanted to act out his fantasies of having me have sex with another man and me giving BJs to both of them. He also wanted to have public sex and tried dragging me into a men's bathroom. When this stuff came up, I realized he was very drunk so I went to therapy and found the right words to tell him the next day that I could not do this with him in real life.

He promised me that he didn't need this -- and that he wouldn't make me uncomfortable. But, he did. Within weeks he had invited a man to our hotel room while we were out of town and I panicked when he shocked me with it while we were in the middle of sex. I should have left him then, but I believed him when he apologized and said he would never do it again. I could have been raped. My BF was so drunk he could barely get out of bed when I threw the guy out.
Within a few weeks I found out that he had texted this man AGAIN and was trying to meet up with him when I was not in town...and he was talking about "adding a third person" ...in the texts they shared.

I confronted him and he told me he was just going to meet up with him to "set him straight" and let him know that he's not gay. Which of course was a lie. So I broke things off -- and then he lured me back in. He told me his whole family loves me, that he NEVER told any of his family that we had broken up and they all want us to get married etc.

So, I booked another trip out there and the night before I discovered that his entire family had unfriended me on Facebook. I called him and asked WTH and WHY? He said that it must be a random FB glitch because the SWORE no one knew anything. Which is NOT TRUE. Obviously.

I said okay, well why don't we have dinner with your sister when I'm out there and I'd like to understand why she would do that since she and I were good -- and this really hurt me.
He had been drinking and he got angry and said he was just going to phone conference her in...which he did. She was angry off the start and said she was working and didn't have time for this. So HE asked her to explain what happened. Not me. I was quiet in the beginning.

She lied of course and said she never unfriended me -- and I said well, I just think it's really tough for me to believe that since you and 3 of your other family members did this to me.... I said it really doesn't matter in the big scheme of things, it's just FACEBOOK, but it's clear my BF was lying and he was trashing me -- or they would never have done such a thing...and I just want honesty. She said "well, I didn't do it..."

So, after she hung up, he screamed at me and said I was "grilling her" and she will never forgive me, that I'm paranoid and psychotic etc and he can't believe how I'm so insane. I said look, I just want you to be HONEST and if we are trying to mend things, I need honesty and this is important to me to know that people aren't lying or trashing me.
Then SHE accidentally texted ME and the group chat instead of HIM and said "can I truly block her for real this time -- you have told me enough about her."

I said "thanks. WOW. So you were lying? Okay... got it. You CLEARLY both lie."

So she said texted back and said that she unfriended me because I've hurt her brother by not showing up for the family function (that was the night before I got that text from that man)
So, I had a few glasses of wine at this point and I texted her (copying him) and said ....NO...the reason I broke up with your brother is because I received these texts and I showed the screen shots...and said he also wanted to force me to have sex with other men. So, I was DONE and it's clear I shouldn't have given him further chances because he is STILL lying and manipulating --

Well, he called me a LIAR and said I was a psycho bit*h and told his sister to block me.
Then he texted me directly and said that he HATES ME, will SUE ME, that i'm a ****ing psycho -- and on and on -- that no one likes me and that I am a terrible mother (which I am NOT) and that no one really likes me -- and on and on and on "**** you!!

I know he was clearly angry and rightfully so maybe, but his rant and texts were SO hateful. He said "**** YOU, You ****ing ****, you hateful ***** **** You. I'm going to call your son and tell him how ****ed up you are...I have his phone number."

I didn't reply. I just sat and cried. I've been a mess ever since. I feel terrible that I resorted to telling her this -- but I"m SO HURT. I just can't believe what happened and I am wondering if I should apologize for my actions? I am sad that I did this -- but also I had to FINALLY tell someone the truth -- MY TRUTH.

I should also say that this crazy man that he was trying to hook up with ALSO texted his ex wife and his last girlfriend. His last girlfriend told me that he made her be a swinger and that she's proud of me for getting out so soon because she nearly caught diseases etc and that he's SICK. But, That's when I learned about all of this -- he showed these texts to them too!


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## joannacroc (Dec 17, 2014)

Sounds like you dodged a major bullet. You may want to consider why you continued to date this guy after he got drunk and invited a third party into your hotel room without your knowledge or consent. And readjust your trust settings accordingly. So you can find someone you deserve next time. This guy sounds psychotic.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

What a total mess. Thank goodness you got out. Don't have any more contact with this awful man and his family.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

What worries me is that you wouldn’t care about what him or his family thinks of you were truly done with this weirdo screwball from hell.

You aren’t done with him. Be DONE.
This guy is a monster.


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## redpandapanda2 (Feb 23, 2021)

Evinrude58 said:


> What worries me is that you wouldn’t care about what him or his family thinks of you were truly done with this weirdo screwball from hell.
> 
> You aren’t done with him. Be DONE.
> This guy is a monster.



Thanks to all the posts here -- I just feel bad. He unleashed on me and said that he will sue me -- that I'm a psycho bit*h from hell --worst/evil person he's ever met in his life -- for disclosing this to his sister.

I feel bad. BUT - HE was the one who was bringing a stranger to our bed AND texting BLATANTLY back and forth w this guy -- and setting up meetings. It's not like he was hiding very much... he is just mad that his sister found out... even though this psycho guy also sent those same texts to his ex wife and his last live in girlfriend. I just don't think he could find his sister's info...


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Why are you still referring to this sleazebag as your boyfriend? Get a clue.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

He’s gonna sue you? Pathetic. You really think an attorney takes that case?

block him
Forget him.
He’s embarrassed because he’s hidden what a lowlife he is all these years and the truth is out.


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## Sfort (Sep 28, 2019)

redpandapanda2 said:


> He unleashed on me and said that he will sue me -- that I'm a psycho bit*h from hell --worst/evil person he's ever met in his life -- for disclosing this to his sister.


Sue you for what? Hurting his feelings? LOL

If the other things are true, shame on you. If they're not true, shame on him. Dump him. Now.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

I hope this last episode finally has made you see what all the other episodes apparently didn’t. People like him can spot people like you a mile away. Move.On.


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## redpandapanda2 (Feb 23, 2021)

Openminded said:


> I hope this last episode finally has made you see what all the other episodes apparently didn’t. People like him can spot people like you a mile away. Move.On.


Yes, good point. I was gullible. However, I wasn't AS gullible as his most recent live in ex of 4 years. She told me he groomed her, got her drunk -- had her try drugs and soon had her having sex w multiple men a night... especially when they traveled.


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## redpandapanda2 (Feb 23, 2021)

Evinrude58 said:


> He’s gonna sue you? Pathetic. You really think an attorney takes that case?
> 
> block him
> Forget him.
> He’s embarrassed because he’s hidden what a lowlife he is all these years and the truth is out.


Thanks for saying that. I do feel bad that his sister probably had NO idea that he was capable of doing that to me... or even hips previous ex's. But.. it is what it is... I can't take it back. I did want to apologize, but I realize doing so would only make him or her engage further....which I don't want


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

Wow you stayed with him and it got even worse? This is shocking and I will need time to consider it... /s


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Absolutely don’t for a moment consider apologizing. Nope. And if you’re hoping that his crazy family will see the light now, don’t. They never will.


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## redpandapanda2 (Feb 23, 2021)

Openminded said:


> Absolutely don’t for a moment consider apologizing. Nope. And if you’re hoping that his crazy family will see the light now, don’t. They never will.


I have his bday gift that I was going to take w me -- and give to him. It's expensive. 600 dollars. Should I send it to him or just return it?


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

redpandapanda2 said:


> I have his bday gift that I was going to take w me -- and give to him. It's expensive. 600 dollars. Should I send it to him or just return it?


Return it.


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## GC1234 (Apr 15, 2020)

redpandapanda2 said:


> I need some advice after having a big fall out last night that was off the charts and I had my part in it.
> 
> I was in a 6 month long distance relationship with a man who told me he wanted to marry me, took me on great trips, and even suggested he wanted to propose to me on month 2.
> On month 3, I realized that he wanted to act out his fantasies of having me have sex with another man and me giving BJs to both of them. He also wanted to have public sex and tried dragging me into a men's bathroom. When this stuff came up, I realized he was very drunk so I went to therapy and found the right words to tell him the next day that I could not do this with him in real life.
> ...


I'd say run for the hills. This guy is crazy. You did nothing wrong here. He disrespected your boundaries on more than one occasion. Time to get out and get out fast. This guy doesn't mean it when he apologizes.


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## redpandapanda2 (Feb 23, 2021)

GC1234 said:


> I'd say run for the hills. This guy is crazy. You did nothing wrong here. He disrespected your boundaries on more than one occasion. Time to get out and get out fast. This guy doesn't mean it when he apologizes.


Thank you for your insight here -- I certainly appreciate it. You can understand that despite the insanity -- I cared deeply for him. He wasn't ALL bad -- trust me. He was very charismatic... smart...successful...generous... except he had sexual perversions and he was a liar. Wish that wasn't the case or my reality... awful. 

Dr. jackel and Mr. Hyde..


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## Sfort (Sep 28, 2019)

redpandapanda2 said:


> Thank you for your insight here -- I certainly appreciate it. You can understand that despite the insanity -- I cared deeply for him. He wasn't ALL bad -- trust me. He was very charismatic... smart...successful...generous... except he had sexual perversions and he was a liar. Wish that wasn't the case or my reality... awful.
> 
> Dr. jackel and Mr. Hyde..


This thread is taking a strange path. What would he have to do to scare you away?


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## redpandapanda2 (Feb 23, 2021)

Sfort said:


> This thread is taking a strange path. What would he have to do to scare you away?


Oh I'm not going back... this isn't that... I'm just saying.. it is still tough at times. But - I am def SCARED plenty


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

You will probably be better off posting this to your original thread on this issue 









55 M with 45F Boyfriend of 4 Months wants strange men to...


I’m asking for some support here today because I believe I need to end my relationship of 4 months with a guy who in MANY ways has been amazing to me. He has treated me so well — spoiled me — been supportive and helpful for my business growth (He is quite successful in his own business). He’s...




www.talkaboutmarriage.com


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

I am not sure why you still have any contact with any of them if you have broken up.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

redpandapanda2 said:


> I have his bday gift that I was going to take w me -- and give to him. It's expensive. 600 dollars. Should I send it to him or just return it?


Are you f’ing serious?


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## redpandapanda2 (Feb 23, 2021)

Evinrude58 said:


> Are you f’ing serious?


yeah ..I guess I'm stupid like that. I don't wish him ill will.. and he kept calling me a "liar" saying...I didn't REALLY have his bday gift...which of course I did all along. I even took a picture of the gift ... and he said "that could be anything". I guess I just want to prove him wrong again...but at my expense? I know that sounds dumb... as I type it.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Yes, that sounds really dumb. Sorry, but it does. He knows you have the gift. He is just manipulating you so you’ll “prove” you have it and put it in his hot little hands. No. Just no. I think you need to take a long break from dating. Maybe get some therapy so you don’t attract men like him in the future.


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## redpandapanda2 (Feb 23, 2021)

Openminded said:


> Yes, that sounds really dumb. Sorry, but it does. He knows you have the gift. He is just manipulating you so you’ll “prove” you have it and put it in his hot little hands. No. Just no. I think you need to take a long break from dating. Maybe get some therapy so you don’t attract men like him in the future.


I'm not sure... he didn't really say much about it until we were back together but said I was "lying" when I kept talking about how I still had his gift. I then took pictures of it to prove I did.... idk...part of me wanted to send it as kind of the ultimate I told you so...FU. But ... who gets the last laugh? I guess he does when he wears his 600 dollar gift.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Okay, to begin with you aren't stupid. But you need to dig deeper and really ask yourself why you want to prove him wrong when it comes to the gift you bought him. You also need to get into some serious therapy to figure out why you have no self-esteem. Who gives a rat's ass if he thinks you're a liar? You know you aren't, and you're the only one who counts in this scenario.

My guess is the reason you refer to yourself as "stupid" and "dumb" is that you have (again) NO self-esteem. Please get into therapy for this. You don't want a repeat of this hot mess of a relationship. And, with that self-esteem, you will stop feeling "bad" about what has transpired. This man is slime. Time to wash off the slime. Seriously.


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## Sfort (Sep 28, 2019)

redpandapanda2 said:


> I'm not sure... he didn't really say much about it until we were back together but said I was "lying" when I kept talking about how I still had his gift. I then took pictures of it to prove I did.... idk...part of me wanted to send it as kind of the ultimate I told you so...FU. But ... who gets the last laugh? I guess he does when he wears his 600 dollar gift.


You're not hearing us, are you?


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## redpandapanda2 (Feb 23, 2021)

Sfort said:


> You're not hearing us, are you?


oh I hear you. but somehow everything that he's said about me ...being a piece of shi* ...fuc*ing monster... makes me feel guilt for telling his sister about what he did to me. It really isn't nice of me...and I am truly a nice person. So it taps into my vulnerabilties.. and I don't want to harm anyone... and want them o know I'm a good person.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

redpandapanda2 said:


> I don't want to harm anyone... and want them o know I'm a good person.


A saying I learned in Al-Anon years ago goes like this: "What you think of me is none of my business." Your vulnerability is you care too much about what other people think. With a good dose of healthy self-esteem, you won't care what a loser like your ex BF thinks. You are perfect target for manipulators and abusers.

If you sincerely believed you were a "truly nice person" you'd be able to set boundaries on what is and is not acceptable behavior. Who gives a crap if this bunch thinks you are a "good person"? It's not like they are your in-laws. Even if they were, what gives them a special status to sit in judgment of who and what you are?

PLEASE ... therapy NOW.


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## joannacroc (Dec 17, 2014)

redpandapanda2 said:


> oh I hear you. but somehow everything that he's said about me ...being a piece of shi* ...fuc*ing monster... makes me feel guilt for telling his sister about what he did to me. It really isn't nice of me...and I am truly a nice person. So it taps into my vulnerabilties.. and I don't want to harm anyone... and want them o know I'm a good person.


You want the guy who put you in dangerous situation where you could have been raped to think you're a good person? He then called you a liar and a wh0re. Dude. You are wasting your time. He's an amoral, seriously imbalanced, dangerous person. He has no IDEA what a good person is.

Take a look at what you wrote. Read it as though it were your best friend telling you about her relationship. Now tell me, would you encourage her to give her partner a GIFT?? Sell that gift and make an appointment with a therapist. Why on earth you would date someone who drugged their ex and videotaped them having sex with other men against their wishes is beyond me. We are not trying to have a go at you. We genuinely want you to get help. Nobody should be putting up with behavior like he showed you. You need help to recognize why you put up with this for so long.

Believe me, i get what it's like when someone gets in your head, but you have broken up. Stop talking to him. Cut off contact and evict him from your head.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

I am frightened by the fact that you are obviously dwelling on this guy, want to kiss and make up and take him this gift, and are going to contact him.

what you need to realize is that weird ****ers like this guy kill people like you when they are enraged and outed.

your own good friend told you that if you didn’t break up with him she would not hang out with you anymore. What a damn good friend she is!
Listen! Stop at all costs thinking about this wacko and please get into counseling.
It doesn’t take a PhD to see that you have problems with insecurity. See someone so people like this guy don’t prey on you in the future.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

You are very much a people pleaser and that sets you up for people like him. If you don’t fix that you’ll continue to be taken advantage of time after time.


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## redpandapanda2 (Feb 23, 2021)

joannacroc said:


> You want the guy who put you in dangerous situation where you could have been raped to think you're a good person? He then called you a liar and a wh0re. Dude. You are wasting your time. He's an amoral, seriously imbalanced, dangerous person. He has no IDEA what a good person is.
> 
> Take a look at what you wrote. Read it as though it were your best friend telling you about her relationship. Now tell me, would you encourage her to give her partner a GIFT?? Sell that gift and make an appointment with a therapist. Why on earth you would date someone who drugged their ex and videotaped them having sex with other men against their wishes is beyond me. We are not trying to have a go at you. We genuinely want you to get help. Nobody should be putting up with behavior like he showed you. You need help to recognize why you put up with this for so long.
> 
> Believe me, i get what it's like when someone gets in your head, but you have broken up. Stop talking to him. Cut off contact and evict him from your head.


I hear you and I am not fully explaining my thoughts... Yes I miss the good times etc and I'm struggling but I am NOT communicating w him -- he is blocked EVERYWHERE and so his sister and the rest of his family. No question.

I was feeling guilt and concern for him and his wellbeing -- I think he has a sickness and he's obviously not ALL bad.. but neither was Jeffrey Dahmer...so I need to remember that. Again thank you for your reply here. I am grateful. You are keeping me focused tonight....


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## redpandapanda2 (Feb 23, 2021)

Evinrude58 said:


> I am frightened by the fact that you are obviously dwelling on this guy, want to kiss and make up and take him this gift, and are going to contact him.
> 
> what you need to realize is that weird ****ers like this guy kill people like you when they are enraged and outed.
> 
> ...


Totally agree - and my weaknesses fed right into his love bombing...no doubt. But I know for a FACT (and I have to keep reminding myself of this) ...that watching him get so drunk...and then his half drunk half hung over following morning... was not pretty. It wouldn't have been fulfilling -- and I fell into a whirlwind. 

And yeah ...his rant about "FU*K you... I HATE YOU -- You are a psycho BIT*H - that went on and on...should be an indication to me that I may not be 100 percent safe...even several states apart.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Whatever guilt you are feeling about anything, please just leave him and leave the guilt behind. For all you know, this guy was just trying to pimp you out. That's what it sounds like. He was probably going to get paid for setting guys up with you like that. Please just dump this guy.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

You’re almost there. 
but.......

yeak he’s all bad! Don’t you see he was grooming you just like he did his ex gf??????
the “good times” were all fake!!!!!

The real him wants to suck ****s and watch another dude bone you. Preferable a bunch of ****s. He’s an animal and should be in prison.
Dahmer not all bad? Yeah, he was. The parts he let people like his mom or a naive Gf see—- that was fake.


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## redpandapanda2 (Feb 23, 2021)

Prodigal said:


> A saying I learned in Al-Anon years ago goes like this: "What you think of me is none of my business." Your vulnerability is you care too much about what other people think. With a good dose of healthy self-esteem, you won't care what a loser like your ex BF thinks. You are perfect target for manipulators and abusers.
> 
> If you sincerely believed you were a "truly nice person" you'd be able to set boundaries on what is and is not acceptable behavior. Who gives a crap if this bunch thinks you are a "good person"? It's not like they are your in-laws. Even if they were, what gives them a special status to sit in judgment of who and what you are?
> 
> PLEASE ... therapy NOW.


yes -- I definitely worry to much about what people think...no doubt. You are spot on...and I need to remember that.. and my boundaries are deplorable. I see that --- I MUST change that... asap. NO QUESTION. No one will do it for me..that's for sure.

He is blocked and no one has tried to reach me....


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Good for you! Finding a therapist who can help you work through your issues would be a great way to assure you don't repeat this disaster!


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

This kind of stuff makes me wonder if these freaks are consciously looking for susceptible people. 
I think a lot of people see right off that something about these weirdos is off, and the ones that give them the time of day are likely people pleasers who thing everyone has good in them and can’t see the darkness inside.
Gotta learn to detect that darkness in a person, at least when it’s as dark as in this guy.


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## joannacroc (Dec 17, 2014)

Evinrude58 said:


> This kind of stuff makes me wonder *if these freaks are consciously looking for susceptible people. *
> I think a lot of people see right off that something about these weirdos is off, and the ones that give them the time of day are likely people pleasers who thing everyone has good in them and can’t see the darkness inside.
> Gotta learn to detect that darkness in a person, at least when it’s as dark as in this guy.


Not everyone gives off creepy car salesman vibes when they are a manipulative weirdo. Many appear charming and delightful. Pillar of the community types. It's how they often avoid jail for so long. If you don't run for the hills when you hear certain things or notice red flags, they assume you're a willing victim and punching bag. I can't talk, I've trusted plenty of people I shouldn't have. But I'd like to think that when the red flags are this big, and this frequent, most people bail. I agree with another poster - some of the romantic, sweet stuff can sometimes be grooming their partner for whatever they have planned for them down the road.


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## redpandapanda2 (Feb 23, 2021)

Evinrude58 said:


> This kind of stuff makes me wonder if these freaks are consciously looking for susceptible people.
> I think a lot of people see right off that something about these weirdos is off, and the ones that give them the time of day are likely people pleasers who thing everyone has good in them and can’t see the darkness inside.
> Gotta learn to detect that darkness in a person, at least when it’s as dark as in this guy.


He was in my same line of work ...he seems amazing. but I was about 8 months out of an abusive relationship, so I was still vulnerable/skeptical. I kept telling my friend that he felt too good to me be true. He absolutely was. I KNEW. I didn't trust my gut and I continued over and over...to tell my gut's voice to shut up. I saw this... no question.


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## redpandapanda2 (Feb 23, 2021)

joannacroc said:


> Not everyone gives off creepy car salesman vibes when they are a manipulative weirdo. Many appear charming and delightful. Pillar of the community types. It's how they often avoid jail for so long. If you don't run for the hills when you hear certain things or notice red flags, they assume you're a willing victim and punching bag. I can't talk, I've trusted plenty of people I shouldn't have. But I'd like to think that when the red flags are this big, and this frequent, most people bail. I agree with another poster - some of the romantic, sweet stuff can sometimes be grooming their partner for whatever they have planned for them down the road.


after finally talking to his most recent ex....yep. it absolutely was... there is NO QUESTION. He was grooming me...he took me on an amazing trip of my life and toward the end of it -- got super drunk and tried to drag me into he men's restroom to have public sex (in a 5 star hotel). I couldn't BELIVE he was capable of such a thing and had never experienced anything like that ....sio I figured he was just extremely drunk.

And yes ...he was...but I eventually saw that he was in a pattern of this... w me. heavily drink...sex.... fantasy -- invite men behind my back. I just...can't even believe...


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Let me put it this way. Even if the guy wasn't a bit of a perv, he sounds like an alkie. I married two alcoholics because I was too damned dumb to learn from the first disaster. Don't let that happen to you. 

Take time off from dating. 

After all, you hooked up with this jerk after coming off an abusive relationship. What is the similarity in both those relationships? YOU.


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## GC1234 (Apr 15, 2020)

redpandapanda2 said:


> He was very charismatic... smart...successful...generous... except he had sexual perversions and he was a liar. Wish that wasn't the case or my reality... awful.


I know, it's easier said than done to cut ties with someone, especially if they have some endearing qualities. But, he is setting up scenarios that you are uncomfortable (to say the least) more than once. I think it's important to value yourself though, and set boundaries. I would leave him and I wish you well. 

I'm sorry you're here under these circumstances.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

redpandapanda2 said:


> after finally talking to his most recent ex....yep. it absolutely was... there is NO QUESTION. He was grooming me...he took me on an amazing trip of my life and toward the end of it -- got super drunk and tried to drag me into he men's restroom to have public sex (in a 5 star hotel). *I couldn't BELIVE he was capable of such a thing* and had never experienced anything like that ....sio I figured he was just extremely drunk.
> 
> And yes ...he was...but I eventually saw that he was in a pattern of this... w me. heavily drink...sex.... *fantasy* -- invite men behind my back. *I just...can't even believe..*.


Believe it. fantasy? No, this is reality for him. He had at least four years of gay/bi orgies with the Gf before you. This guy sees you as nothing more than a sex toy he can use for whatever he wants. He’s vile and I believe, a rapist Who uses drugs, money, and emotional trickery to get a woman in a position where he can use her to fulfill his sexual desires.

Now that you’ve outed him, he can’t use those tools quite as easily. He is a time-bomb.
You’re lucky to get out. Don’t dare go back for more.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

redpandapanda2 said:


> after finally talking to his most recent ex....yep. it absolutely was... there is NO QUESTION. He was grooming me...he took me on an amazing trip of my life and toward the end of it -- got super drunk and tried to drag me into he men's restroom to have public sex (in a 5 star hotel). I couldn't BELIVE he was capable of such a thing and had never experienced anything like that ....sio I figured he was just extremely drunk.
> 
> And yes ...he was...but I eventually saw that he was in a pattern of this... w me. heavily drink...sex.... fantasy -- invite men behind my back. I just...can't even believe...


You made a very lucky escape. You seem to have a weakness for problematic men. I would suggest you get yourself some therapy so that you are able to identify the red flags in future so you can steer clear. Remember, you are not only taking care of your self but your child too.


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## redpandapanda2 (Feb 23, 2021)

aine said:


> You made a very lucky escape. You seem to have a weakness for problematic men. I would suggest you get yourself some therapy so that you are able to identify the red flags in future so you can steer clear. Remember, you are not only taking care of your self but your child too.


Yes, a friend of mine said imagine what COULD happen...the diseases you COULD have caught -- and even the idea of what my son would THINK if he knew his mother had fallen victim to that type of lifestyle. So true -- it's terrible and disgusting...


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

@redpandapanda2 You should seek legal advice regarding restraining orders, etc.


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## Enigma32 (Jul 6, 2020)

It sounds to me like this guy is one of those undercover gay guys who is in denial of his real sexuality. After the crap he put you through, I don't feel bad for him in the slightest that you outed him to his sister.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Am I the only one that thinks eventually he will be telling someone he put in a hole, “it puts the lotion on”??

this guy sounds really dangerous to me.


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## CrAzYdOgLaDy (Mar 22, 2021)

He sounds dangerous. Have you done a background check on him? I'd cut off all contact from him and if he harasses you go to the police.

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