# please help me out..i am really in a mess



## vich (May 27, 2012)

i turned to 26 and now i am going to do an arrange marriage..i met with my future wife and she told everything about her past..she had oral sex with her ex bf thrice just for 30 seconds..she told that she is virgin..she never did vaginal and anal intercourse...Is she really a virgin? and whether is it ok to marry her..?:


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## Vanton68 (Feb 5, 2012)

vich said:


> i turned to 26 and now i am going to do an arrange marriage..i met with my future wife and she told everything about her past..she had oral sex with her ex bf thrice just for 30 seconds..she told that she is virgin..she never did vaginal and anal intercourse...Is she really a virgin? and whether is it ok to marry her..?:


thrice? interesting that you used that word. I would still consider her a virgin. Why does this issue bother you so much?


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## MrsOldNews (Feb 22, 2012)

Have you had any relations with other people before this arranged marriage???


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Yes, she is still a virgin. Yes, it is ok to marry her, although I kind of wish I could talk to her about whether it was ok to marry you.

If you get angry at her over this, you have just taught her to never be honest with you again. Is that what you want?


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## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

Troll?


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Stonewall, I hope!


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Tell your parents to join the 21st Century or go F themselves.

Refuse the marriage and find a woman on your own.


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## messunited (May 27, 2012)

Well...it seems like you don't respect the honesty of someone who has told you this big thing just before your marriage so that you don't blame her in the near future....don't you get it?
what could you have done if she hadn't told you??...Nothing!
So, forget all this and if you want to decide something, then decide whether you are alright with the girl. i mean if you really found some chemistry going or was that meeting totally off road...
Show up some guts if you are not satisfied.. may be your parents will understand your feelings too..

Facing problems in marriage.. Alicia Russell on How To Save My Marriage - Guide to Getting Your Marriage Back to the Way it Was


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Not to give you more insecurity on this than you apparently already have, but there's been a number of threads on here from guys who were told their wives that they were virgins, only to find out years later that they weren't. Their wives told them what they wanted to hear because the husbands put so much emphasis on it.

What I'm saying is I rather doubt she gave someone a blowjob for 30 seconds. And I doubt she would come out and confess something more to a complete stranger just because he asked, risking humiliation before him and both of their families. But to me, that wouldn't be a deal breaker anyway. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## KathyBatesel (Apr 26, 2012)

Vich, I can understand how this could be a very serious issue in some cultures. As an American, I do not view it in the same way, so I can only guess at how your culture assigns meaning to something like this.

However, I hope you'll consider that a different culture's experience may be valuable to you as you go into your arrangement. When two people marry, they will be happiest if they support and accept each other, including each other's flaws. 

As PBear said, it's doubtful that she performed oral sex for 30 seconds three different times. She is really saying she performed oral sex three times, and hopes you'll think of it as insignificant.

The things I would encourage you to consider are that even if she were not sexually pure, her experience will have given her some confidence and removed fears - you won't have to deal with these kinds of things. If you accept her as being a normal human woman who has sexual urges and was honest with you about it, then you may have a very good basis for a supportive, happy relationship. 

However, if you cannot accept her as she is, you may want to reconsider the marriage. 

Here in the U.S., where women aren't expected t be virgins and where many women have had a great deal of sexual experience before marriage, their experiences do not really affect the kind of wife they make. In some cases, it can, I suppose, but there is so much more to a marriage than sex. Whether she's affectionate to you, whether she likes you as a person, admires your abilities, and has fun with you are much more important to a marriage than anything she ever did before the two of you met.

The one thing that *could* be important is if those experiences were with someone she would prefer to be with and/or who she is still in touch with.


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## vich (May 27, 2012)

vich said:


> i turned to 26 and now i am going to do an arrange marriage..i met with my future wife and she told everything about her past..she had oral sex with her ex bf thrice just for 30 seconds..she told that she is virgin..she never did vaginal and anal intercourse...Is she really a virgin? and whether is it ok to marry her..?:


i know she is true in her words and i trust her..i just wanted to know whether she is considered virgin(Pure) or not...? In india oral is not considered so much big thing...but i want to know whether she is virgin or not..?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Stonewall said:


> Troll?


Nope, in societies that still practice arranged marriages this is pretty normal.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

vich said:


> i know she is true in her words and i trust her..i just wanted to know whether she is considered virgin(Pure) or not...? In india oral is not considered so much big thing...but i want to know whether she is virgin or not..?


If she has not had vaginal sex she is a virgin. 

So if oral sex does not bother you, all is well.


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## vich (May 27, 2012)

MrsOldNews said:


> Have you had any relations with other people before this arranged marriage???


yes i had


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

vich said:


> i know she is true in her words and i trust her..i just wanted to know whether she is considered virgin(Pure) or not...? In india oral is not considered so much big thing...but i want to know whether she is virgin or not..?


You should ask your religious leaders, as apparently their opinion is more important than your own.

It depends on your (and their) definition of virgin. In the dictionary, it says it's someone who hasn't had sexual intercourse. So theoretically, by that definition, she could have had oral or manual sex with 17 guys, so long as she didn't have a penis in her vagina. But another definition is "an absolutely chaste young woman". By this definition, she is not a virgin, as I'm assuming putting a penis in her mouth would not be considered "chaste".

I don't understand why you would be so concerned by what random anonymous people on the Internet think of her purity/virginity. You're te one that has to live with it. What do YOU think? 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## vich (May 27, 2012)

KathyBatesel said:


> Vich, I can understand how this could be a very serious issue in some cultures. As an American, I do not view it in the same way, so I can only guess at how your culture assigns meaning to something like this.
> 
> However, I hope you'll consider that a different culture's experience may be valuable to you as you go into your arrangement. When two people marry, they will be happiest if they support and accept each other, including each other's flaws.
> 
> ...


what do you mean by purity...think about this..if a girl kissed anyone...is she pure?..i think no...even a baby is not pure...i can prove it...i know true things about her...as i was not having idea about virginity, so i asked..


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

LOL, well she is a live woman then, you want someone not interested in it at all? If you both like the arranged marriage and are okay with it no problem.


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## vich (May 27, 2012)

PBear said:


> You should ask your religious leaders, as apparently their opinion is more important than your own.
> 
> It depends on your (and their) definition of virgin. In the dictionary, it says it's someone who hasn't had sexual intercourse. So theoretically, by that definition, she could have had oral or manual sex with 17 guys, so long as she didn't have a penis in her vagina. But another definition is "an absolutely chaste young woman". By this definition, she is not a virgin, as I'm assuming putting a penis in her mouth would not be considered "chaste".
> 
> ...


is a girl chaste if she kissed a boy...think about it twice and then answer..:smthumbup:


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

vich said:


> is a girl chaste if she kissed a boy...think about it twice and then answer..:smthumbup:


According to my definition and culture, yes. Which is why I suggested talking to your religious leaders, because it's likely their old-fashioned, archaic, and hypocritical thinking that you have been brainwashed by.

For example, why does she need to be virginal, but not you?

For me, I couldn't give a rat's ass. My STBXW was my first sexual partner, at about 23 years old. I would have been mostly physically "chaste", although if desires and imagination counted for anything, I was burning in some lower depths of hell long before than. . My STBXW had one sexual partner before we met, although I believe she likely had a few more "make out" partners as well. None of that was of any concern to me in terms of purity or chastity, but I'm not religious and there's no logical reason why it should matter to me.

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

vich said:


> is a girl chaste if she kissed a boy...think about it twice and then answer..:smthumbup:


Yes a girl is chaste is she kisses a boy. A woman is chaste even if she kissed a man. 

Your fiancé is a woman, not a girl. You are a man, not a boy. 

Is a man chaste if he kisses a woman? How about if he goes further to fondling? How about intercourse? Can he be chaste and yet she not? I don’t think so. Never expect anything more from your fiancé than you are yourself. It’s cruel to do so.

You have had sex with other women as a single man. So in your culture you ‘ruined’ those women. Were these women prostitutes? 

Or did you take a woman like your fiancé and ruin her life? 

Think about that twice and then answer.

chaste  
adjective, chast•er, chast•est. 
1. refraining from sexual intercourse that is regarded as contrary to morality or religion; virtuous. 
2. virgin. 
3. not engaging in sexual relations; celibate. 
4. free from obscenity; decent: chaste conversation. 
5. undefiled or stainless: chaste, white snow.


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## moxy (Apr 2, 2012)

If you want to marry this woman, marry her. If you don't want to, then don't. What has happened in her past and in yours are not as relevant as how you choose to live in the present. Giving someone a blowjob isn't a big deal. It doesn't mean she isn't a virgin. However, whether or not you choose to marry her, stop thinking that her value lies in her sexual history or lack thereof and start thinking about whether or not the two of you are compatible in personality. Try talking to each other and seeing if your values and interests in life actually match up. Don't worry about romancing each other, just try to see if you want enough of the same things to make your relationship work. Arranged marriages are only useful if both people are honest in their willingness to communicate what they actually need to each other. People are generally committed, if they are going this route. However, without the love hormones making communication easier, you have to work at it. As long as neither of you is screwing other people now, who cares what she did in the past? She was honest with you about her past and you admit to having a sexual history, too, so drop the double standard and decide if you want this or not -- and don't go through with it if you aren't actually committed to making it work, whether or not you're afraid of disappointing your parents. Honesty. Is. Important. Especially, to yourself.


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