# New here and in pain



## tofindme (Jun 1, 2009)

Hi everyone, 
I found this site about a week ago, when I discovered my husband had{has} been having or trying to have EA's with for one his ex g/f and some other women, plus surfing and joining hook up sites. Then 2 days after that I found some photos of him at a party with other women doing boobie shots (jeez guess that is what it is called).then a day after that I found condoms and some otc stamina pills.. I am still so confused and dazed angry hurt ...it has really been a roller coaster ride this last week. I know that I said and reacted in a very childish manner... I also realize that some of this is my fault.. for not seeing sooner what he was doing. We have been married 18 years this May lol we had our 18th on the 10th of this month...please bear with me on trying to explain all this 18 years is a long time to try to explain how things came to this. 
I have been disabled for about 12 years now... and was recently told that I have fibromyalgia... ( too much to explain if you do not know what it is google it) plus I had bulging discs in my upper spine and ostoporosis in my lower spine.I have still been trying to come to terms with having the fibro and trying to do the best I can with what I have.Anyway the excuse I was given for the cheating (affairs) was that he did not want to bother me with his needs for sex and cause me physical pain so he was "just looking and shopping around" but the emails (yes I have copies) that he sent to the ex he told her he loved her and always had .ahhh I am rambling with the story ... When I confronted him with what I had found he tried to turn it on me for snooping in his emails..(jeeez I was on his laptop and his email was open so I looked out of curiousity) I became very frustrated and slapped him across the face (ok I am about 130 pounds and not even 5 ft tall have the fibro dealing with blood clots in my arms also plus all of the other things) he slapped me back so hard that I spun all the way around tried to take a step back after he hit and fell hitting my back and head... and somehow almost breaking my toe... 
When we first married I did work outside the home just as much and as many hours as he did .. but it seemed and felt as if most of the things where left up to me to handle he bascially went to work came home ate and slept.. I did the yard work everything with little or no help, yes I confronted him over that and it would go ok for awhile but then he would do the same things over and over. My fear now is he will do the same over and over with the cheating. I think this is all I can write at the moment ... I know if I keep posting and tell some more of my story I will be judged (raked over the coals) also, I am prepared for that I will own my mistakes and shortcomings.... I am Human....ohh the one EA lasted for at least 6 months with the ex g/f..... 
sorry this is so long .. thank you whomever listens(reads) to this ramble.
feeling like :scratchhead:


----------



## Country Girl (Apr 19, 2009)

This kind of thing seems to hurt more the longer the marriage is. You found condoms, so your husband is doing more than just having emotional affairs. He is cheating and it is wrong! He will make excuses and blame you for his behavior. His decision to cheat is not your fault! Sure you have issues--but, so does he. At this point you probably need to see a marriage counselor and get things worked out. Otherwise a divorce lawyer might be most helpful. This situation isn't going to get better on its own. I know, I tried that. I put up with the mess for three years and it took its toll on me.

Hang in there!


----------



## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

I'm so sorry, girl. 

He was/is an a$$hole for doing this. 

You were not wrong to snoop. It's simple human curiousity and you learned what you did. 

It's NOT your fault, it's his!! Get tested (for STDs). 

I'm so sorry...


----------



## MyKidsMom (Feb 5, 2008)

Honey stay strong. Let us know what happens this site is great for being a shoulder. Cyber --------Hug


----------



## tofindme (Jun 1, 2009)

Thank you all for the support and hugs.Husband and I have marriage counseling set up for the end of this week. I have an appointment with my medical doctor on Monday of next week, so I will insisit on tests for std's then, even tho husband is saying that I do not need to, but he is also telling me that if I feel I need to be tested to do so. This still hurts so much knowing what he did and did not even try to talk with me. I know some of his background and childhood as he knows some of mine. I know that both of us have had rough childhood's,no I am not making excuses for him or condoning what he has done by any means. I know that this will make me stronger. I do not want to say that I did not work on my marriage and just walk away, I would like to at least try the marriage counseling and give him at least one more chance, I am so afraid tho because I know repeat behavior is so easy to do when things get rough. I do have back up plans in the works just in case I have to leave and yes I will continue with my plans, not saying that I am not going to give the counseling and everything a chance, but to try to take care of me on my own and not be so dependent on him. I will continue to visit here and post because I know that venting when you need to is an awesome tool and to also get other peoples advice helps also..
THank you all once again :smthumbup:
PS thanks dcrm that had not even crossed my mind until your post so I now will get checked thank you 
Take care all for now .. I will be back later on


----------



## Sensitive (Mar 29, 2009)

I am very familiar with fibromyalgia. I hope you are getting good treatment for that. You definitely don't need marriage problems on top of a disability. I think your husband is making very sad excuses for cheating. I don't know how you can accept such disrespectful behaviors.


----------



## sunshynrn (Jun 3, 2009)

I share your pain, literally. I just found out in April that my husband of nine years was having an affair, and I was also diagnosed last year, finally, with fibromyalgia syndrome. My husband's affair, has increased my depression, which has aggrevated all my physical symptoms, causing me to take family medical leave from work. Hang in there, that's what I am trying to do.


----------



## stillINshock (Apr 9, 2009)

Well, if anything else, affairs whether physical or emotional require us to be more independent. Once we lose trust, we stop relying on the other person emotionally. If you can find the strength in yourself to gain that independence, you might find that you just don't need him in your life. Its not about fixing it. Its about deciding if he is right, if he is good enough for you. Its an independence that is painful, but might in the end really help you. I'm sorry you're experiencing this. Good luck.


----------

