# Young, dumb, and hoping to become



## mackjagger (Nov 12, 2015)

Well first off I would wish to not give personal info. on the fact that I don't want any biased suggestion, actually why I resorted to forum rather than personal friends. Needless to say ill give enough to shed light. I'm 25 years old, hold a supervisory position for the DOD and am now recently faced with severe relationship problems. My girlfriend, (yes not married but I don't think its pertinent to the advice i'm seeking) and I have been together since May of 2012, we have a son together, I own my home which she lived with me in, and we both have incredibly busy schedules considering. On to the goods. This past Thursday she had called me when I was getting out of class, and she was on the way in to class and told me she would like to go out with her friend after class to have a few drinks and relax. I didn't take to kindly to that, as Thursdays are the one day where we usually have a little bit of time before bed to watch tv together, or well just relax in the company of each other. None the less she went out, and didn't return till 11pm, not a big deal at all, and by no means was it a reason to get any more bent out of shape over it. 

So the next morning I wake up (4am) and turn on the lights in the living room, where she was sleeping, and do the obscured thing of waking her up and trying to talk to her before leaving for work. Only that simply made it worse. Pushing forward I gave her a kiss, and left for work to only receive a call at about 7am saying she was getting her things and leaving. I immediately left work and it was too late. Many are going to ask if I knew things were rocky why did I leave the house, two reasons: I thought things had iced over, and also my position requires me to have a relief, similar to standing watch in the Navy, I simply could not call out. None the less i'm torn to shreds. I don't open up very well to anyone at all, I have my own personal problems from when I grew up that I hold near and dear and due to that refuse to build relationships or well show emotion. Pushing forward more, we had started couples therapy approximately a month ago because she wasn't feeling loved by me, we went to one session together and each an independent session. Well I did not cancel the sessions and went last night by my self to tell the therapist the bad news, I cracked my shell and opened up. I'm not a very emotional person but with this string of events have found myself to be overly passionate for the love I have for her and my small family. I have said all I could say to try and show her that I could change, and try to express to her my concerns about being apart. I don't believe any family is suppose to ever break up, I believe all relationships are repairable, and even more so when children are involved. I love the woman more than I can express in words, there's nothing about her I don't cherish, however it is my fault we are apart and I take responsibility for it. Mainly I came here for suggestions. What is the next best thing to do. I've tried to give her space, time and freedom. She is currently staying with her parents which well I guess could be worse, and I support her 100% and hope that she will be willing to reconcile, although have saying she is not. I apologize for the length of the "story" and hope it doesn't detour anyone from reading and responding. I have read through several other posts and find great use to them. However I find my situation a little more unique. What am I to do, should I give up and walk away? I am terrified she will find someone else, quickly, which makes me feel inclined to stay tight and stay involved. I am more than willing to change, to be the man in the relationship I once was, and to show that I do contain emotions, that I do want to do the typical relationship duties, to spend time together and enjoy ones company. However she feels that people can not change. 

--end rant, begin learning--



Our issues are;
She feels I was not passionate enough about the relationship
That I never had or used the free time to spend with her
We rarely talked about us, or life, mainly just "blah" or what should we do to the house, or buy etc etc
She felt that I didn't show her enough love, we seldom held hands or showed public affection
When ever she would genuinely just ask me stuff about myself I would refrain from carrying on the conversation
She felt I was controlling, I didn't enjoy her going out with some select friends because they well, rub me the wrong way
We never did stuff just the two of us, dinners would always involve bring our son, which I wanted, but she wanted alone time


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

It is not clear at all what your issues are. When you woke her up at 4AM were you mean to her about the night before?


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## mackjagger (Nov 12, 2015)

SecondTime'Round said:


> It is not clear at all what your issues are. When you woke her up at 4AM were you mean to her about the night before?


I apologize, I revised the OP. But yes, I was rather unpleasant to her, I gave her a hard time by showing her the levels of stressed I had, and yet didn't ask to go out with friends to relax. before I left I made sure to tell her I was sorry for waking her, that I loved her, and gave her a kiss. I would never leave her on bad terms.

Basically I was being selfish, I thought my stress levels far out weighted her, and was very inconsiderate to what was going on in her head as to why she needed to go out that night.


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

mackjagger said:


> I apologize, I revised the OP. But yes, I was rather unpleasant to her, I gave her a hard time by showing her the levels of stressed I had, and yet didn't ask to go out with friends to relax. before I left I made sure to tell her I was sorry for waking her, that I loved her, and gave her a kiss. I would never leave her on bad terms.
> 
> Basically I was being selfish, I thought my stress levels far out weighted her, and was very inconsiderate to what was going on in her head as to why she needed to go out that night.


And I gather you treat her this way frequently and want to change?


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## mackjagger (Nov 12, 2015)

Most definitely, but how do you show someone you're willing to change if they don't want to give you the time of day. You don't, that's my dilemma, what do I do now, at this point where she acknowledges she's not willing to reconcile, however says she will not see me as she fears of being sucked back in?


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