# Repeat Infidelity



## mmlo12 (Jan 17, 2011)

Hi and here is my story.
I have been with my husband 21 years. Married 16. We have 1 son, daughter in-law & 1 granddaughter. 
My husband started having an affair with an old girlfriend (highschool) after they got re-aquainted on Facebook. It lasted 9 months till I finally found his cell phone (he would hide it). We seperated for 2 weeks, then got back together when he said it was all over. In fact he said it had been fizzling out for quite some time. Next, he wanted me and me only. But the fear & mistrust wouldn't go away. I finally put spyware on his computer & found that it never really ended. This is mostly an online affair since they live in different states. Although he did meet her at motels on 4 differrent occasions that I can prove. He travelled there. He now tells me that it was such a mistake and wants me back. He loves me. And besides she doesn't want him anymore. She wants to stay with her husband. This last part makes me feel like he only wants me as a consilation prize.
I started going to counseling, and they tell me I have to work on myself, and he will have to figure his way. My problem is I still love the sap. He was always my rock. The absolute love of my life, he is kind, funny and I always could count on him for anything. Except this. I have also found out recently that he has used the services of Prostitutes, and is addicted to Porn. I am so confused. We are flat broke and I do not have a job YET. He is sleeping on the couch for now at least. I want to move into an apartment by myself, but I don't see how I can afford to. ANY ADVICE WOULD BE GREATLY APPRECIATED.
Please! I asked him to write down reasons we should stay together. What he thought were doable things to get us back on track. I am now thinking that is probably just setting me up for failure. After he writes his answers down, will it be enough, can I ever really trust him again?


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## JensHere (Oct 14, 2010)

I am telling you, from firsthand experience, that you can NOT trust him again. He needs counseling and therapy to understand why he keeps doing what he's doing. He WILL keep doing it, I can almost guarantee that. I am (was?) going through the exact same thing. I've posted here a few times about my situation, and just yesterday discovered that my husband is not only still seeing the <expletive> that he cheated with years ago, but he had her IN MY BED last week. We're officially over, and I have a move out date of Feb. 3. When he wasn't in a relationship with someone he was working with, he was perusing craigslist "casual encounters" ads, and posting profiles on Adult Friend Finder.

Unless they get help, habitual cheaters will continue to cheat. Always, no matter whether they really do love you or not. He's not going to stop cheating. I'm sorry you're going through this.


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## danavince (Nov 19, 2009)

I agree that if there is to be any hope for the marriage surviving and for you to rebuild trust, he needs to get help. If he is using prostitutes and has a porn addiction, this goes much deeper than a one time affair. He and your marriage need serious intervention.


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