# New, not new



## SunnyinSavannah (May 17, 2016)

Hi all! Registered about 5 years ago and haven’t been back in since. 
Married 25 years, 2 grown children and going through the long overdo divorce process. Ready to start over. Well, not really. Scared to death, sad.. there’s a gamut of emotion. Hoping to gain a little knowledge and support.


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

Glad you found us again. I’m going through divorce #2 and it’s been rough. So what do you need help with? Divorce do’s and don’ts? Dating again? What broke your marriage apart?


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## SunnyinSavannah (May 17, 2016)

RebuildingMe said:


> Glad you found us again. I’m going through divorce #2 and it’s been rough. So what do you need help with? Divorce do’s and don’ts? Dating again? What broke your marriage apart?


We’ve been coasting the last 6 years being complacent with knowing we were over. Made the step to separate a little over a year ago. Met, worked for and lived with another man that went incredibly sour. Now, I’m 45, jobless, I’d be homeless if my soon to be ex didn’t let me stay I the house. I have no idea what to do, where to go and I’m tired.


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

I’d say moving in with a dude before you’re even divorced was a no no. Don’t put all your eggs in any one basket (lover, employer and landlord). You are lucky your ex is giving you shelter after shaking up with another man. I honestly couldn’t do the same. Use this time to find work immediately, even if it’s anything. Be nice to your ex and thank him for letting you stay there. Whatever you do, don’t trade sex for housing. Keep the garbage (your marriage) in the street where it belongs. You are in a very tough spot. It will take a lot of determination and drive to overcome this, but I think you can do it.


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## SunnyinSavannah (May 17, 2016)

RebuildingMe said:


> I’d say moving in with a dude before you’re even divorced was a no no. Don’t put all your eggs in any one basket (lover, employer and landlord). You are lucky your ex is giving you shelter after shaking up with another man. I honestly couldn’t do the same. Use this time to find work immediately, even if it’s anything. Be nice to your ex and thank him for letting you stay there. Whatever you do, don’t trade sex for housing. Keep the garbage (your marriage) in the street where it belongs. You are in a very tough spot. It will take a lot of determination and drive to overcome this, but I think you can do it.


Ex couldn’t care less about me living with someone else. Our divorce is uncontested as well. He and I haven’t slept together in a few years. There is 0 chance of “trading sex” for anything. I learned a valuable lesson by putting all my eggs in one basket.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Sounds like a personal plan or way forward for yourself is far more important than getting the divorce out of the way. I'm presuming you have an amicable relationship with your spouse? My recommendation would be to see if the two of you can work out terms that you both can live with and avoid lawyers and additional costs altogether.

Sounds like you have been drifting through limbo for some time. It isn't comfortable enough that you want to stay there. It isn't painful enough that moves you to make the scary, hard decisions.

You need income. You need a place to live. Seriously, I'd have a conversation with your at-some-point-to-be-ex-husband about you finding your footing, so that you can be responsible for yourself; which ... if and when you divorce, is exactly what you will be. That requires some hard analysis and decision making. Are your adult children in the loop on all of this? Are they in a position to assist you if necessary?


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

> We’ve been coasting the last 6 years being complacent with knowing we were over. Made the step to separate a little over a year ago. Met, worked for and lived with another man that went incredibly sour.


Did all this happen in that order, meaning you both knew it was over, you separated and then you met this guy?

I ask because if any of what I wrote is not true then you could be headed for more trouble.


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## SunnyinSavannah (May 17, 2016)

sokillme said:


> Did all this happen in that order, meaning you both knew it was over, you separated and then you met this guy?
> 
> I ask because if any of what I wrote is not true then you could be headed for more trouble.


Yes, it happened as I wrote it. Literally, any day now our agreement will be done and signed so that I can get my settlement.


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