# Feeling stuck and trap in my marriage



## temperance (Jul 28, 2013)

I would have thought by now I would move my story/thread to 'going through divorce' or 'happily ever after'. Now here I am still. At least I didn't pop some sleeping pills and call it a life. 

Here's the thread I posted before, about my struggle with my non-working alcoholic husband. 
Cannot kick non-working husband out

He finally got a temp job, after yet a second fight he finally 'stick' to his job and even told me he hope they will hire him full time. 

Anyways, yesterday a conversation has hit me hard. He was telling me about one of his co-workers and how much of a loser he is, that he asked everyone at work 'do you have 5 bucks? do you have a smoke?', etc. He said he had the nerve to ask his supervisor 'can I borrow 5000 dollars'? While I was listening to him I got angry inside. I didn't show, but I have had enough of him telling me what other people are wrong, loser and all... 
I told him, 'I hate when you as me 'do you have 10 bucks? I need smokes'. 'do you have 5 bucks? I need to get bus ticket', why can't you pay for your own ****? I just realized I have never ask people just like that! I realized my brother would do the same when I was young, he would say 'do you have X dollars' and at the same time he would be reaching out to my wallet. I told him, why do men can even ask anyone do you have X amount of money without so naturally and expect it? WTF? (I didn't say WTF out loud, just thinking). I told him every time he ask me that I hated it sooo much. I didn't blow up, he didn't react much to it, we just went silence. 

Over the last few months since the last major episode in Dec 26, I have been trying to assess my feelings, my life, my goals, my future and stuff. Especially my feelings about my husband and the whole situation. I realized we are very different people. We have very different values, different goals, different friends, nothing seems common. He never go place and events with me, constantly saying things about how stuck up these people are. My feelings has change. But a marriage is a marriage, he doesn't want to break up. He is trying to keep a job. He doesn't throw tantrum when ask to get his drivers license. He still give me guilt trip of not coming home earlier because of business meetings, he wants me to pick him up at this work, give him a ride here and there still.


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## ecotime47 (Apr 3, 2013)

Sorry you're still going through this. I think it's quite commendable that you are sticking with your husband even after all you've been through. Keep working hard, I's sure things will continue getting better for you two.


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## temperance (Jul 28, 2013)

Thanks for your encouraging words ecotime, but I really don't know if I should. 

He came home at 4am last night (Monday early morning) drank and very stoned. Was driving drank without a license. 

How can I leave an alcoholic, addict, lazy, free loader husband? I am sorry I am really mentally and physically becoming ill because of all these!! I am truly at my wits end here, I hate everything about everything!


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## ecotime47 (Apr 3, 2013)

Oh wow. That is not good. As you know, he's not only endangering his life but also the lives of others on the road. I'm sorry I have not read your previous thread. Has he ever sought help for his addiction, like AA or counseling?


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Driving your car again, drunk and without license? Yet again I ask... Why does he have access to the keys? And if it's someone else's car, I humbly retract my question. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

temperance said:


> How can I leave an alcoholic, addict, lazy, free loader husband? I am sorry I am really mentally and physically becoming ill because of all these!! I am truly at my wits end here, I hate everything about everything!


You just do. Just like that. File for divorce and get him removed from your home. Period. Done. Stop enabling and wasting your life on this man.


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## howdidthishappentome? (Mar 25, 2014)

Is it possible for you to get counseling? Just you, not for the marriage. "How can I leave an alcoholic, addict, lazy, free loader husband?" is not a reasonable question. Why can't you, now that's a reasonable question, and I think it's one a therapist could help you through. It's time to swallow a couple of pills (zoloft, perhaps) and call it Life One, the end, Life Two, the beginning.


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## temperance (Jul 28, 2013)

I tried to get counseling. 
I think he learned his lesson (for now). He got ulcer from that drinking episode, he couldn't eat for 3 days, he went to the walk in clinic and the doc told him to go to the ER. The doc at ER suspected he had a heart attack 3 days ago... 

Since then, he seems to layoff the drinks totally, eat a bit healthier even! 

For me, yes I have seen the 'crisis counselor' at the hospital. She referred me back to my family doc, said that she needs to do the 'referral'. My family doctor did put in a request for a psychotherapist and a psychiatrist but I am still waiting... it's been almost 2 months now....only psychiatrist are allow to prescribe happy pills like zoloft. Canadian health care for you ;( 

"Why can't I leave?" is a very good question  I just can't let go, it is too overwhelming for me when I think of the consequences of leaving... the thought of leaving everything behind, and leaving him behind overwhelm me, at the same time I feel so stuck it is overwhelming too. Every time he shows a bit of progress, my hopefulness comes back.


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## cdbaker (Nov 5, 2010)

I'll refer back to PBear's questions and add a few of my own...

Why does he not have his license yet?
Without a license, why does he still have access to your car?
Why is he using illegal drugs on top of everything else?

I thought the over-drinking, extreme laziness and not having a drivers license was part of a final "get your act together or I'm leaving" plan?


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