# After numerous separations, is it finally time?



## beautymadness23 (Nov 8, 2013)

Hello all. I am new on here. I want to start off by saying, that my partner and I are NOT married, however we live and function as a married couple and most people see us that way. I chose to post on here because you all will understand the seriousness of our relationship and realize it's not your typical BF GF arrangement.

My man and I have been together for 4 1/2 years and have one young son. He has two girls from his previous marriage, so we are a blended family. He is 31, and I am 23, so there's definitely an age difference. We have been engaged twice and were so close to marriage, but the engagements fell through.

The first 3 years were extremely rocky with us separating numerous times. Things didn't really start to settle down until a year and a half ago when we found out I was pregnant. Things after that were good for a while, but the past few months have not been good. We were in relationship counseling for a bit and I continue to go solo.

We have had sexual troubles for the past few years. I am in the midst of seeking help from a sex therapist because I have hangups in that area. I am horrible at initiating, don't have a big sex drive, and am not just a sexual person. It has def hurt us. But we've always been very cuddly and affectionate in other ways, so that's made up for it some, except that we don't have that lately.

Our relationship has had the dynamic of coach/student for a long time. He's always thought he knows best and should be the leader. It worked for the first few years as I was only 18 when we met, so I was innocent and didn't know much about life. So I looked to him for everything and followed him in a lot of things, which I think he liked. Now i'm 23 and have found myself wanting to be more independent and do my own thing. I became a stay at home mom which he wanted and now I realized it's not for me and want to go back to school, which he doesn't seem excited about. He comes down hard on me if I make mistakes and I feel chastised like a child. Don't get me wrong, i've done some done stuff, but I don't feel like he's my support and we're on the same level, I just feel like a kid who has to prove myself to him again. But I want the freedom to make mistakes and go through my process for me, but I feel stifled, like I haven't really grown much in the past few years.

I've been unsure about us for a long time as well. I've had a lot of doubts and have found myself not totally in this the past 6 months. I know you can not redo the past, but I feel like I got involved so young so fast and was so immature that it has negatively impacted me now. We've had so many recurring problems and I just don't know if I can measure up or give him what he needs. I guess i've just felt exhausted working on it and don't know if i'm willing to do what it takes to get back to where we were. I feel like we should have ended it long ago when we realized we weren't compatible but never did. Now we have a child and can't go back.

These past few months have been rough. We have not spent much time together and have not really communicated. We're caught up in our own lives and doing our own things. I finally found some real friends and feel positive about going back to school and getting out of this rut I've been in for so long but I don't feel like he's really happy for me. I feel like i've pushed him away because of my doubts about us and he has made me turn inward. We're both tired of dealing with all this and are becoming so distant. I feel like we're growing apart, not together.

I love him and want us to be a family. I love his two girls as well and we've become a family. But nothing is adding up for us and there's so many things wrong, I don't even know how to go about fixing them.

Should I stay? Or consider seperation?


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