# Confused with new relationship



## tony8404 (Sep 16, 2009)

Hello everyone,

Well, I want to ask for some advice and opinions here... I am feeling a little sick so maybe I am off cause of the sickness...

Okay in the mornings she works from 7:00a.m. - 3:30pm. Usually in the mornings I wait to hear from her first because I always think she might be busy so I figured I wait to hear from her. 

Well, this morning she texts me "Hey" I say "Hey" back. the night before I texted her some things and never had a reply she passed out which is fine but I never get a response to those texts so I figure she is busy she will get to them but nope.

Then she says "just don't understand why you don't just text when u get up... Why u wait for me to text."

I say awww honey really its nothing bad I just feel when I text you the night before you do not answer is cause you fell asleep and I will get a response in the morning.. When I do not, I think you must be busy at work... I just do not want to add stress to your day. I care about you and I do not think you see that . Plus I do not want to smother you. I try to respect your time (she has two kids 12 and 15 they live with her) as I know you cannot always text back right away... 

Then she says "there is no reason that I should sit and wait for me to text you. If I am busy I will answer when I can."

She then replies "I understand how bad you want me to be your girlfriend but I am just not ready for that yet. Not saying I wont be soon but I just want to take things slow... don't want to rush things".

Over the weekend she stayed the night sat and most the day sunday. before she came she was like I am your girl I was like you consider me your guy then she is like yep I was hoping you caught I said that. I said yeah I liked that maybe when your here sat or sun we can talk more about this girl and guy thing. she is like I like that plan. 

so I thought she was hinting to make this more that is why she says I understand how bad you want me to be your girlfriend.. I just thought we hit it off well and with the girl and guy comment I thought to ask but I guess shes not ready which is fine no need to rush. But after she said the "just don't understand why you don't just text when u get up... Why u wait for me to text."

The rest of the day not much texts... so tonight I asked is everything okay with us? She is like "Ya... why would you ask that?"

I did have a bad today all day and this made it crazier she knew about my bad day... I told her I just wanted to know if I still have her.. She says we are fine.. I am right here sweetie...

Yet there is no I miss you, thinking of you, just short texts no conversations. so before I came here I texted and said well your busy let me know when you would like to talk more. she says I am at my sons bball practice then running some errands... I said no problem let me know when your back and would like to chat more... 

Does it sound like she lost interest? I know she was feeling sick Sunday and yesterday and a bit today but not much.. now I have what she has lol... just wondering how would anyone take this? Did she lose interest, is it just me cause I am not feeling good or nor is she, just not sure how to read or take this one... please help???


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## Lostme (Nov 14, 2014)

I would take it as a busy working mother. Maybe you should text her when you wake up, she might see your text but then gets busy and forget to reply(I do that all the time).

She could also be trying to keep from getting hurt, so she keeps you at a distance, how long have you been dating?

I would not worry to much, she seems to still be into you but just busy. If she totally ignored you,yeah then she would probably not be interested any longer, she does seem to talk to you from what you posted and said she is there for you I think she just seems to have a lot going on.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

No offense but you sound a little needy. Text her first in the morning, most of us women love to hear from our guy first thing, means you are thinking of us. Stop looking for her to validate you, that is going to turn her off and push her away. On the other hand, if she isnt meeting your emotional needs (the whole "no miss you, no thinking of you" texts, etc) then maybe she isnt the one for you anyway. The early part of a relationship is usually when we cant get enough of each other, and if she isnt excited about you now, then it doesnt really bode well for the future.


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## tony8404 (Sep 16, 2009)

Well, she met me on a dating site back in November I did not message her right away because I basically gave up on the site but I wen to check emails one day so I emailed her back... we emailed for a few days then she gave me her number to text her... we texted a lot during December and met on December 19th then texted and talked on the phone until this past weekend which was like our 2nd big weekend.. 

I just am excited yet I feel like I ruined it now... I am really not feeling good and probably been like this all day I had a bad day and I think that kept me realizing im sick.. I have a pretty good fever going now and I feel dizzy, my head hurts throat scratchy and a little cough...

at first we texted a bit then she got the flu for a few days like 3 to 4 days and I heard like nothing from her but little stuff so I was like oh well. Then one day she is like feeling better.. I said oh thought you no longer wanted to talk she was like I was sick and busy I said no problem I understand. then it picked up and got a lot better... we met the first time December 19th and it really well, she kissed me we ended up holding hands as we went to the bar across the street... she ended up coming back and staying the night but nothing happened really just kissing. Then we were texing like crazy had a big weekend this past weekend setup I made her dinner she was like no guy ever cooked me dinner...

We ate went to the bar for two hours that sucked a drunk guy was slurring and bothering her while my buddy and I had a cigarette but he dragged ass and when we came in she was not too happy but mainly cuz of the drunk. we left she was like we should have just stayed home I was like yea I was gonna say to but you wanted to go. So she stayed the night i made a fire we talked and kissed then we had sex a few times... Next morning I made her breakfast while she slept in and then we ate but she woke up with headache and scratchy throat and a slight cough and a bit warm.. so she left a little early had to take a friend to the airport but we had a good time... 

She rested but we texted a bit then Monday I went to her work and left her a envelope with a cryptograph message letting her know I thought she was precious she liked it but I did not get the response I was waiting for... but as I was leaving I told her to go to her car on lunch theres something under the window wiper.. she was like awwww really... she was like why did you not come in say hi.. I was like well your working and your boss she was like I get lunch in 20 minutes can you wait I was like sure thing sweetie... we hugged talked and kissed a few times.... 

She did tell me today was busy for her and then she ran around she got back and was like yes finally home and done!! I texted her back I am sick now, seriously it just hit me like the last hour.. scratchy throat, little cough, head hurts, fever... she is like awwww sorry I got you sick... I said "its totally worth it, id do it again"... then I was running a pretty good fever and was like missing you... she said miss ya... I was like I felt like I was in the dog house all day maybe its cause im sick not myself now.. she is like no your not just a long busy day and im still not feeling 100%.. then I felt bad cause its just me... I think about it now I was not myself today I had a stressful bad day and at the end of it I was told some good news and I felt a little better but then this cold kicked in high gear I feel dizzy now matter of fact.... 

any advice I thank you very much, need to lie down for a bit sorry...


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## tony8404 (Sep 16, 2009)

Can you also please fill me in how I sound needy I don't mean to be... you have to understand too... I was married for 14 years and been 15 years out the dating realm so I am rusty lol... she was married 7 and divorced 7 I have been divorce almost 1.5 years.. both of our ex's cheated and we both have two children mine are 10 and 14 hers are 12 and 14... got to lie down I will check back in a bit thank you both very much for helping me...


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Oh wow, so technically you arent even a month into this! Is this the first woman you have dated in a year and a half? You asked what makes you sound needy....go back and read your posts, read them as if a friend or brother of yours wrote those posts....how do they read to you? Stalking her at work already is creepy and over the top this soon. Back off a little and relax or she will end up running for the hills.


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## tony8404 (Sep 16, 2009)

I was not stalking her lol... we were going to do lunch one day but her boss bought the three of them two medium pizzas she works like a convienent store... it is right down the street from my old house when she told me the place I was like wow I went there alot... 

I told her I could not believe I never saw her there as I lived at that house like 10 years and stopped in there like once or twice a week lol... 

okay maybe leaving the envelope and letter was much but she made a comment to me the other day saying I do not think she likes me, she is like I left work an hour early the other day drove to your house to see you for like 30 minutes I had no clue she was coming till she is like im in your driveway, then she went shopping to return some things and stopped by my house to see me for 30 minutes again... Shes like you do not think I go out my way to show you I like you... she said you have not done that.. so that is why I went and put the envelope on her car at her work... I do not know where her house is and I never plan to ask as she moved back in with her parents cause of the kids cant afford to be on her own.


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## OpenWindows (Dec 25, 2015)

When a guy always waits for me to text him first, it feels like he's not into me... like I'm just a convenience. I talked to a guy like that for a while, he would never email me first. He would just wait for me to start a conversation, and if I didn't, we might not talk for days. It made me feel like a really low priority to him.

You meant well by not texting first. But if she says to text her in the morning, do it. Don't get upset if she doesn't respond right away. Don't force it. And show her you like her by texting little things through your day... Something funny that happened, a news article she might like. She wants to feel like she's on your mind.

Secondly, you do seem needy. After just a few weeks of dating, pushing for the boyfriend/girlfriend talk might have freaked her out. Single moms like to take the emotional part slowly... we have more little hearts at stake than just our own!

You're both divorced, dating again is rough. Cool your jets and just let it happen naturally. If it doesn't happen naturally, maybe she's not what you need.

I'm on the dating scene for the first time in 10 years. The last time I did this, I was a teenager and people didn't really text. I know it's a struggle. Good luck!


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## tony8404 (Sep 16, 2009)

thank you for your reply open windows... I totally see what is going on now.... I se, I seem needy but honestly we really get along great! Then all of a sudden she sends me that text about me not texting in the morning and then she just totally backed off of me. yet acts like what am I talking about everything is fine....

I know your right about her thinking I am not into her I see that now... I did mean well, I really did, I did not want smother her, I thought well you did not answer my text from the night before nor this morning you must be pretty busy why bother you, I will hear from you when your not busy... 

This morning she texted me "poor thing I'm sorry your feeling so crappy" last text I sent her last night and never heard back from her was how I was feeling... so she heard me when I said since I do not hear back from you from my last text I feel your busy so I wait to hear from you in the mornings. 

But she beat me to texting her when I got up this morning... I did not know she got up at 6:00 am I thought 6:30 so I was going to text her at 6:30 cuz I was still hurting at 6:00 woke up cuz my stomach was killing me then I wanted to lay down for a bit and then I got her text lol... I responded "Good morning babe :O) how are you?" then I got I'm ok I guess. how u feeling". I said thinking about you and I know something was bothering you. She says why do you keep thinking something is bothering me?

I honestly feel she has backed off a bit, because she has told me she is scared of being hurt and I told her so am I.. I do not want to play any games nor be something I am not so it is just me how I really am I am not going to pretend it never works she agreed... So that is why this morning I said I know something is bothering you.... 

I have not replied to her asking why do you think something is wrong? I had to get my little one ready for school, I was wrapped in blankets did not know the house is 60 degrees brrrrr... find out the furnance is out and I am sick and get to work on the furnace all day now YAY ME! So I told her getting little one ready for school found out furnace is out have to fix it while I feel horrible I will reply in a bit hold on... She says "Holy crap im so sorry that really sucks.. I feel so bad for you" then I told her how I felt being sick cause she asked earlier.... 

Should I reply back to her on her asking "why do you keep thinking something is bothering me?" I really want to say--- Look I know me not texting you in the morning/getting up made you feel I am not into you, yet that is so far from the truth, I meant well. I am not giving you any excuses, I know actions speak louder than words so I tried to text you before you texted me but you beat me to it this morning... Though I am glad you replied back after my last text to ya last night... I did not mean to push you away or have you back off... I just feel like crap and do not want to make this worse at all...

Thank you for any help I need to look at the furnace for a bit I am freezing now..


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

Call me old school... being I was born the year of Stairway to Heaven

Pick up a phone and call her. Most females and yes.... even those in their 20's much prefer voice to voice.

You can cover in a phone chat of 15 minutes what would take a freaking hour on text.

Granted I have texted twice in my life... in 2008. Not my game. But I do back chat with females 

I am possibly interested in on FB. In a way... that is considered texting I would guess.


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## OpenWindows (Dec 25, 2015)

Let her know that if something is bothering her, she can tell you.

Then trust her to do that.

Have you ever had someone badgering you with "What's wrong? What's wrong? I know something must be wrong..."

If everything is fine, or you don't want to share, it's annoying.


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## tony8404 (Sep 16, 2009)

Chuck71.... 

I old school like that myself!!!! she's at k now though I am going to call her on her phone during her lunch.... that will get her smiling... but I feel same way on the phone is much better only thing is when she's around her kids they do not know about me yet. I have only talked with her on the phone three times and that was when she is going to the store by herself... She told me that she doesn't want anyone to meet the kids for a while which is cool cause the last guy she dated was or two years and she ended that cause he did not appreciate her.. Sorta what I think she thought of me yesterday... 

Though she texted me while fixing furnace "Sweetie, how is it going over there?"... For some reason that text got me out of the funk I was in and now I feel like before yesterday!

Only thing I am confused on is should I bring up when I call or should I just leave it alone and drop it --> "I know me not texting you in the morning/getting up made you feel I am not into you, yet that is so far from the truth, I meant well. I am not giving you any excuses, I know actions speak louder than words so I tried to text you before you texted me but you beat me to it this morning... Though I am glad you replied back after my last text to ya last night... I did not mean to push you away or have you back off... I am into you!

Glad you guys are not beating on me about this... I really like her, I get excited I admit that... Though my ex wife was very cold hearted, non caring, faked everything, cheating loser I was not able to be myself... This girl I am able to be myself and I like it I am very happy... Just do not want to mess this up is all...


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## tony8404 (Sep 16, 2009)

okay open window... you are right lol I do not want to bother her or annoy her...

Though one day I was I a bad mood and she kept saying are you ok? something wrong? you are not you today? it did not annoy me I came clean and told her.. she told me if anything ever bothers me to tell her so that is why I wondered if I should say or text her "Look I know me not texting you in the morning/getting up made you feel I am not into you, yet that is so far from the truth, I meant well. I am not giving you any excuses, I know actions speak louder than words so I tried to text you before you texted me but you beat me to it this morning... Though I am glad you replied back after my last text to ya last night... I did not mean to push you away or have you back off... " 

Just feel bad she thinks I am not into her LOL, sooooo wrong of her to say lol..


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## OpenWindows (Dec 25, 2015)

tony8404 said:


> Only thing I am confused on is should I bring up when I call or should I just leave it alone and drop it --> "I know me not texting you in the morning/getting up made you feel I am not into you, yet that is so far from the truth, I meant well. I am not giving you any excuses, I know actions speak louder than words so I tried to text you before you texted me but you beat me to it this morning... Though I am glad you replied back after my last text to ya last night... I did not mean to push you away or have you back off... I am into you!


No. This just sounds needy.

Just text her in the mornings. You're overthinking it!


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

Often times ... while I am chatting with a female on the dating site.... I will get five-seven emails / texts

within a few minutes. I try to notify the female asap I do not have a smart phone (by choice) and

it does not text (cell phone from late 00s).

If I get the following on day one chatting.... I move on

Why wont u answer me
R U ignoring me?
I thought u liked me

If I am at work.... I'm there to work. If I have a spare 15 minutes, I will check emails.

When I'm at home.... I will not have my laptop with me at all times. 

Some people revolve their life around their phone.

I'm not one of them


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

Drop it........... try and designate a time you and her can chat on the phone.... even if only 15 minutes.

Texts can easily be misconstrued, misinterpreted. 

The first girl I dated after my ex gf of 2013-14, was BAD about this.

Got to the point... we can meet or you call me. I will not text with you any more.

In the end.... that was a hint. We didn't last a full month.


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## tony8404 (Sep 16, 2009)

Chuck I am like you man... I hate cell phones!!!! This texting and dating is a whole new hell.. I liked when could call her once a day usually at night talk about our day and what not then nothing till next day..

Though since she has kids and they live with her and till she is comfy talking on the phone with them around the texting is nice...


Open window, thank you for the advice I do not want to sound needy... this whole thing kinda shook me up and got me off track.. I am feeling like after her text "Sweetie how is it going over there" that made something click for me...

Though I think calling her on lunch will be a nice "I am into you" thing to do she wont see that coming lol.


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## OpenWindows (Dec 25, 2015)

Calling her is fine. If she doesn't pick up, leave it alone and text her later to say hi.

It sounds like you come on really strong. Just dial it down a few notches and you'll be fine.


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

OpenWs right.... If I was in a position where I "had" to email / text... limit the number of them but 

add to the content. Maybe three a day.... share your morning, afternoon, evening.

This way it wouldn't be as choppy and have a much better flow.

If you really like her... just keep in mind, it's temporary until she decides to intro you to the kids.

Keep in mind... her not wanting to expose her children to you yet, is a good thing. Shows she has character


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## hotshotdot (Jul 28, 2015)

It sounds to me that she's checking your interest level. I'll let you in on a little secret...women tend to get a bit insecure after having sex with a new man for the first time. The new level of intimacy when there has been no commitment yet can leave one feeling like they're in limbo not knowing how (if at all) it will change the relationship. Unfortunately this is the time when those who aren't really ready for a relationship will drift off because the new level of intimacy either scares them or they realize that they're not on the same page as to where things are going. It's also the time when someone who just wants to get in your pants starts to disappear. 

So my suggestion is to text her every morning when you get up & every night when you go to bed. In between those times text her as much as she's texting you, no more no less. Talk on the phone as often as you can, hearing someone's voice is so much better & more personal. The key is to let her know you're interested without coming on too strong. Don't play games, be true to your feelings, but don't go all in until you've gotten more money in the pot from her. I'm old school so I believe the man should be the pursuer/initiator, but if she doesn't respond with the same level of interest then you should back off. 

Dating is an audition - you are each trying to determine if the other will be a good fit for the role of BF/GF. So show her what she'll be getting & watch for her to respond in kind. 

At this point I wouldn't respond to the question about why you thought something was bothering her. If something was bothering her that was her chance to tell you, since she didn't, now I'd let it go. 

Sounds to me she is interested in you & was letting you know that she'd like to see a little more interest from you. Seems like you guys are on the right track to me.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

How much do you like her?

How much do you fear being alone?


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## tony8404 (Sep 16, 2009)

thanks hot shot dot!!!! 

makes a lot of sense... I feel she is interested in me like you said, a lil more interest from me... I think calling her on lunch regardless if she answers shows interest. if I get voicemail I will just say "I was looking forward to hearing your voice, talk to you later". Well, I called and got voicemail oh well. thought that counts lol


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## tony8404 (Sep 16, 2009)

Marduk, I really do like her not going to lie there I really like her a lot would like to see her more but I can deal with it... texting is different though not used to that with a relationship..

Being alone, I do not mind I can handle it too, I have dated a few woman before her one was crazy another pyscho another a stalker. honestly I would really like to make something of her and I.. I see something in her I have told her this she liked what I said... 

then she found me and I think its going great.. just hard to read her now as I feel me not texting her in the morning really did damage... seems like she took it to heart I did not text when I wake up never thought she would think I am not into her due to that... I mean if it is late I do not hear back on a text I say goodnight to her but I never get a good night I am not backing off cause of that... Just weird how the I miss you texts and thinking of you texts or the honey, sweetie seemed to have stopped all of a sudden just not sure what to make of it..


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

Just take it slow.... it's the learning about each other stage.

People with red flags and who "bandage themselves up really well" want you to zoom past this stage quick.

Then you're invested and can't just "up and leave on a dime"

Take it slow.... I made the mistake of dating a bandaged up person after my D.

When one bandage falls, they begin like raindrops. If you take it slow, you will see it easily.

She may be viewing things the same way I mention..... if so... that's healthy.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

tony8404 said:


> Marduk, I really do like her not going to lie there I really like her a lot would like to see her more but I can deal with it... texting is different though not used to that with a relationship..
> 
> Being alone, I do not mind I can handle it too, I have dated a few woman before her one was crazy another pyscho another a stalker. honestly I would really like to make something of her and I.. I see something in her I have told her this she liked what I said...
> 
> then she found me and I think its going great.. just hard to read her now as I feel me not texting her in the morning really did damage... seems like she took it to heart I did not text when I wake up never thought she would think I am not into her due to that... I mean if it is late I do not hear back on a text I say goodnight to her but I never get a good night I am not backing off cause of that... Just weird how the I miss you texts and thinking of you texts or the honey, sweetie seemed to have stopped all of a sudden just not sure what to make of it..


OK then I'm going to say things that may be hard for you to hear; but I want you to know that it comes from a place of compassion, OK?

You are more invested in this relationship than she is. You sound needy to me. You need to be a bit more aloof, a bit more cool, a bit more confident in yourself.

You had some bad dating experiences and now this one seems kinda sane so you want to hang on. Don't.

Be yourself. If you want to text, text. If you don't, don't. If you only want to be exlusive, be exclusive and ask her to be, too.

The whole bf/gf thing sounds too high school. Just agree to not date or sleep with someone else unless you break up. That's enough commitment for now.

If she wants you to text her in the am, and you're cool with that, text her in the am. If you text her and she ignores you, and that bothers you, let her know that and then drop the issue. "Babe, I'm happy to text you in the morning, and I'd appreciate it if you texted me before bed when you could?" Or whatever.

If she continually needs validation (as it sounds like she does), you might want to re-think why you're with her.

Take a breather. Take a weekend away with your buddies. Get some perspective. Pull back your emotional investment. It's been a month, buddy.


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

NFL wild card round this weekend. No better excuse than to "guy it"


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## tony8404 (Sep 16, 2009)

Chuck and marduk, 

Thank you for taking the time to put it in English and understandable...

I need to find something to keep me busy lol... I just bought some beer and going to play the ps3 take some anger out!!!! play some battlefield 4 !!!!

I am looking at it like this now... I reached out, I tried to get her attention... 

She wants things slow fine she wants me to teach me a lesson fine... 

she told me she is not ready but will be soon.. well, there is plenty of other girls out there... I am thinking too I should go back on the dating site were both on and unhide my profile, that should say a thousand words to her. That Friday just before Saturday the first time we met, I went on the site to read an email she sent me so I got some details correct as I forgot cause it was weeks ago.. she emailed me Friday saying " still looking huh?" i check my email she sent to reply back she hid her profile showing me she wanted to get to know me more... So i wrote back no just wanted to make sure i had my stuff together about her then i hid mine.. I am just going to unhide mine im not going to waste my time as i feel she is losing interest in me and i am going down....

I am not playing games I told her I am not here to play around but this whole I did not text in the mornings hurts her this bad what else is going to hurt this bad... she tells me just to tell her what bothers me not to keep it in.. well, I tried when I told her it seems like something is bothering you or wrong.. she says I do not know why you keep thinking that... to me that is a game... you wont come clean but want to teach me a lesson by backing off.... fine I will back off, I don't hear from you I don't hear from you... I like her but I am not having another 15 years of pure hell! been there done that! there are a lot of other woman out there....

I left her a voice mail on her lunch she did not choose to answer oh well. she texted me back from before the call so her phone was on maybe on vibrate or silenced but i texted her back cause i made a comment i do not snore she is like ohhhhh yes you do i said ohhh don't bring that one time up.. I said "you made even with me with the comment you brought lingerie but was not going to wear it now maybe next weekend" so i texted her back hope your not teasing and still going to wear the lingerie next weekend like you said????" have not heard back since and its been almost three hours. ha not sad no more nor am i freaking out it is what it is i do not hear back from her then it is NEXT !!!!!


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## OpenWindows (Dec 25, 2015)

You make an awful lot of assumptions about what she's thinking and feeling. You haven't known her very long, you may not be reading her right.


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

You're reading into this too much. No commitments... you're free to date others.

LOL I just ran into this last month. Long story but it's posted on my LaD thread.

No commitment means BOTH of you are free to talk and date others.

DO NOT sit around for three months hoping she's ready for a LTR. That's putting all you eggs in one basket

and unhealthy. You and her are friends.... keep it that way.

As Marduk stated, if you want to exclusive... tell her. She can say yes or no. Same goes for her if she wants it.

Relationships...... LOL..... just like life...... they weren't complicated until we made them such.

PS- The most advance video game I have ever played.... SN ..... Madden football.... 1990-93.

Yeah.... I'm WAY behind the times


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

Back way the hell off man. 

Have you both mutually agreed to be exclusive? If not, then go ahead and start being open to others. If you have, be a man and let her know that the exclusive deal is done. 

Don't change your profile as an attempt to influence her. Change your profile as a way of embracing opportunities. 


Put down the PS3. Hit the gym. Go out. Hang with buddies. 

Back the hell way off and chill the hell way out.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

tony8404 said:


> Okay in the mornings she works from 7:00a.m. - 3:30pm. Usually in the mornings I wait to hear from her first *because I always think she might be busy so I figured I wait to hear from her*.


You sure about that? You _sure _that's why you wait?


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

tony8404 said:


> Chuck I am like you man... I hate cell phones!!!! This texting and dating is a whole new hell.. I liked when could call her once a day usually at night talk about our day and what not then nothing till next day..
> 
> Though since she has kids and they live with her and till she is comfy talking on the phone with them around the texting is nice...


Her kids are 12 and 14. Trust me, they KNOW she is dating. If she's too scared to FACE that with them, you may want to have that conversation. 

My brother's dating a woman with a 14 year old. She won't let him come to her house for fear of her daughter driving by in her dad's car and seeing that mom's got a (gasp!) man at the house. He has to meet her at strip malls so they can get in the same car. He's about to dump her if she doesn't grow up.

I get that you've only been dating a couple months, and that you don't introduce your kids to someone unless you feel there's a future, but if she's not willing to be honest with them and even TELL them that she's talking to a man, you have bigger problems than who calls who first.


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## hotshotdot (Jul 28, 2015)

tony8404 said:


> Chuck and marduk,
> 
> Thank you for taking the time to put it in English and understandable...
> 
> ...


You need to chill out. You are overthinking & making an awful lot of assumptions here. There could be a lot of reasons she didn't answer your call or reply to her text while she's at work.

Do not unhide your profile on the dating site now - since you have already hidden it, putting it back up will send the msg that you're already looking to move on now that you banged her. 

I think you need to relax & follow my previous advice. Other than the good morning/good night texts, initiate contact once & then not again until she replies. She should initiate sometimes too but I wouldn't worry about it as long as the conversation goes back & forth & she's not leaving you hanging waiting hours for a response every time.

This is a very delicate time in your new relationship where you both are feeling vulnerable & insecure, don't let your over analyzing stuff cause you to do something you regret.


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

My landline has 4 rings and it hits VM. Unless my mother is in the ER.... I do not jump couches to reach it

in time. I do attempt to call them back asap. She has children. They take up time.... LOTS

If you let your love life hinge on whether they do not answer in so many rings, you aren't ready

for a serious LTR


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## tony8404 (Sep 16, 2009)

no its not about answering the phone on so many rings... 

and yes i am sure i do not text her in the mornings because i never get a reply from the night before i think she is busy at work or with her kids in the morning that is the truth... if i would have known that meant something to her to have me say good morning to her when i wake up i would have done that but it never bothered her till yesterday.... 

She told me her last relationship was for two years.. i asked why did it end? she said cause he did not appreciate her... I feel that i did not appreciate her by not texting her in the morning... though all last week and the week before i would text things and she say " your so silly" "LMAO" "you make me laugh" awww that is so cute... i would get the "I miss you cannot wait to see you" "thinking about you" stuff like that now all of a sudden it is all gone... not saying that makes the relationship... i am saying why the sudden change? 

It is like I lost that feeling of warmth and excitement now for her.... I feel like i am just here now... she will say Sweetie to me here and there but it is like we went from 50 watt bulb to .5 watt bulb... I was saying sweet things to her and all of a sudden it is like she put a wall up... 

When i called her on her lunch, i called to ask about getting a part time job at the same store chain she works but this one is down the street from me as they need a part time person and its two min from my house not at the same one she is at that's far from me... 

the other day i told her she was like do it.. I called to ask her advice on her lunch and i found out i could with my unemployment with out losing the benefits as long as i do not make more than my benefit income a week for that week.. I wanted to ask her how many hours and pay.. though not at her store i thought she could find out... 

She said i could use her for reference... i told her i could use her opinion and her thought on this on the voice mail as well as i was thinking about you too... I never got a call back and she never said anything about it... that kind of stung a bit cause i really need the extra income and advice.. i do not start school for my cdl truck license until 1/28/2016 and wont be done till middle of march 2016 so part time nights would be perfect... 

In a way too, i feel she is trying to give me the cold shoulder a bit either to see if i will bail out on her or to see if i hold my ground with her. i feel like she is trying to make me feel like she did with the no texting in the morning to teach me a lesson.. sorta like a test... not saying she is playing games but trying to see if i am into her... okay i learned my lesson lol how do i get her to stop and get back into me like we both were??? LMAO

Oh my god!!! see i asked 30min ago if she ever saw i called her today? half hour later she responds "ya it was just a super busy day.. didn't even get a lunch break." 

i know i am over thinking this but i do care and i think she is awesome not going to hide that, there is something about her i like... maybe she lost that for me... argh

Okay i kinda take that as


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## Annie123 (Apr 27, 2015)

Stop revolving your life around her. You have too much free time that you spend over-analyzing and it's not doing you any good. 
Focus your time and energy on something else (the gym, a hobby, friends, job...). You two just started dating, you don't want to scare her off with coming off as needy and insecure.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

You say you're not needy, but your posts sure don't read that way. A little self examination and honesty might help.


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## tony8404 (Sep 16, 2009)

Well, maybe that is what happened.... maybe I am needy and i do not realize it nor see it... Took her over a month to see that and change things now? 

i was, what i thought, being honest that something seems different and i think it sucks that me not texting in the morning, ever so far, till this morning was a bit much for her to be different all of a sudden or back off or hit the brakes on me.... i could see if i forgot something important or blew her off all the time or not care but i am not that guy... Guess i do not really know what the hell it means that I am needy... she got me all into the way things were i was taking things slow... I thought things were taking off and we have something here...

Soooo now what if, i had texted every morning "good morning! thinking of you" or Good morning how are you?!" anything like that and she never did text me in the morning LOL, that would be okay? 

Maybe she would text sometimes too... To me texting her every morning, expecting a response would seem needy... 

I honestly thought she would be busy with kids in the morning, then taking them to school, then going to work and start working.....

Okay, i see that at one point she would check her phone and see i texted her maybe make her smile or know she was thought of, i get that now... but we just started dating!!!!! i could see that being that way after a few months... that is how i was taking things but now i seem to be needy when she is the one complaining? 

i think she sounds needy that i am not texting her in the mornings every morning at that... If we texted a lot the night before and she passes out and does not say good night yet i still make the effort to send a text saying "goodnight" but yet don't expect a text am i complaining you never say good night? i would think i would sound needy then... What cannot go to sleep if you do not get a good night text from me? that is what i am guessing she would say right? what cannot start your day cause i did not say good morning? that's retarded... 

what if i slept till 10 am every morning???? do i have to set my alarm to wake me up at 5:50 10 minutes before you wake up at 6
;00 am to say good morning so i am not in the dog house every day? 

But yet i say sweet things to her at times not all the time or ever day and i waited till after we met and what i thought hit it off...... i let her know she is appreciated, that i am thankful for her, that i think of her through out my day, how i think her blue eyes are amazing, how i like making her smile just so i can see that smile, i try to think of ways to make her laugh just to hear her laugh (though i probably sound like a dork, she still laughs), how they say Disney land is the best place to be in the world yet apparently they have never been in your arms ( told her that in person and it lit her up that smile was ear to ear and she loved it gave me a big hug and squeezed me tight)... i do not do this stuff all at once but i try to when she is not expecting it if i can if not i do not try to hard i wait... 

i lost 15 years to a woman that did not care one bit for me, never enjoyed anything i tried or did for her, she pretended pretty much or faked pretty much everything though i loved her and my girls, I would not see through it until she cheated, took my girls and left me... only to use me for my newer truck while i drove her old beat up crap car for the safety of my girls, she strung me on that we could work it out... i kept asking to talk lets talk why are we not talking about anything yet.. i got fed up took the truck back gave her car back she was furious... she had no intentions of working things out she used me once again.. when she ran to mommy's house not even there two weeks the guy she cheated on was sending flowers there once or twice a week.. My oldest told me this, she even brought me one of the little cards you fill out.. It said " daisy, I love you so much Paul" i thought you poor bastered, she will do to you what she did to me and the others she cheated on me with good luck... i called her and asked why she did this to me.. you know what she said "Tony, i never loved you i do not have feelings for you" basically she did this for our first daughter and her mother..... 

I never said i was mr romantic or the expert on dating but i try i do what i think i should do regardless because it is me i am not trying to be someone i am not.. i tried that and it got me 15 years of pure freaking hell and i am not doing that again... So please tell me what the hell am i doing that is so freaking needy cause i would like to change that then.. i just want to be happy with someone and if that is what is stopping me from having that dammit i want to make that one change... I think i am a nice guy and maybe too nice but i am not changing for anyone and i have not even from the hell i have been through cause there is someone out there for me... 

So please help me and tell me what is it i am doing that is wrong to everyone else or seems needy... if things are not working with her fine i will find someone else its not the end of the world just one less girl i have to try with and one less girl to the girl i should be with....


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

tony8404 said:


> Soooo now what if, i had texted every morning "good morning! thinking of you" or Good morning how are you?!" anything like that and she never did text me in the morning LOL, that would be okay?


No, a healthy NON-needy (also known as former Mr Nice Guy) man would give it a few weeks and then say 'you know, it looks like you're not really that into me. And that's fine. That's what dating's for, to find a good match. I guess we should call it a day, right?' And then find someone else.

btw, have you read No More Mr Nice Guy yet?
https://7chan.org/lit/src/Robert_Glover_-_No_More_Mr_Nice_Guy.pdf


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

tony8404 said:


> But yet i say sweet things to her at times not all the time or ever day and i waited till after we met and what i thought hit it off...... i let her know she is appreciated, that i am thankful for her, that i think of her through out my day, how i think her blue eyes are amazing, how i like making her smile just so i can see that smile, i try to think of ways to make her laugh just to hear her laugh (though i probably sound like a dork, she still laughs), how they say Disney land is the best place to be in the world yet apparently they have never been in your arms ( told her that in person and it lit her up that smile was ear to ear and she loved it gave me a big hug and squeezed me tight)... i do not do this stuff all at once but i try to when she is not expecting it if i can if not i do not try to hard i wait...
> 
> i lost 15 years to a woman that did not care one bit for me, never enjoyed anything i tried or did for her, she pretended pretty much or faked pretty much everything though i loved her and my girls, I would not see through it until she cheated, took my girls and left me... only to use me for my newer truck while i drove her old beat up crap car for the safety of my girls, she strung me on that we could work it out... i kept asking to talk lets talk why are we not talking about anything yet.. i got fed up took the truck back gave her car back she was furious... she had no intentions of working things out she used me once again.. when she ran to mommy's house not even there two weeks the guy she cheated on was sending flowers there once or twice a week.. My oldest told me this, she even brought me one of the little cards you fill out.. It said " daisy, I love you so much Paul" i thought you poor bastered, she will do to you what she did to me and the others she cheated on me with good luck... i called her and asked why she did this to me.. you know what she said "Tony, i never loved you i do not have feelings for you" basically she did this for our first daughter and her mother.....
> 
> ...


Holy crap. DUDE. Two things. Number one, for the love of God, get a job! WAAYY too much time on your hands and are sounding stir crazy and obsessive. 

Number two...and this is the big one, so pay attention....*you are the world's biggest doormat!!* Mr Nice Guy! You REEK needy and nice! 

We see this here all the time on TAM. Guy cant figure out why his wife fell out of love (and/or cheated on him) because "I did everything for her." Women lose respect for men who kiss their ass, and that is a fact. I was going to recommend the same book Turnera just did, she read my mind. Download it, read it, live it. Look at all the energy you are putting into just TEXTING the woman. 

Here, read this, and read it like your best buddy wrote it:

"But yet i say sweet things to her at times not all the time or ever day and i waited till after we met and what i thought hit it off...... i let her know she is appreciated, that i am thankful for her, that i think of her through out my day, how i think her blue eyes are amazing, how i like making her smile just so i can see that smile, i try to think of ways to make her laugh just to hear her laugh (though i probably sound like a dork, she still laughs), how they say Disney land is the best place to be in the world yet apparently they have never been in your arms ( told her that in person and it lit her up that smile was ear to ear and she loved it gave me a big hug and squeezed me tight)..."

"Should I reply back to her on her asking "why do you keep thinking something is bothering me?" I really want to say--- Look I know me not texting you in the morning/getting up made you feel I am not into you, yet that is so far from the truth, I meant well. I am not giving you any excuses, I know actions speak louder than words so I tried to text you before you texted me but you beat me to it this morning... Though I am glad you replied back after my last text to ya last night... I did not mean to push you away or have you back off... I just feel like crap and do not want to make this worse at all..."

Dude, I am exhausted and stressed just reading this stuff! And this is only two examples from what you have written! This woman is already losing respect for you and you are going to chase her off. 

Being Needy in a Relationship | 5 Signs to Look Out For

DOWNLOAD THE BOOK! READ!


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## tony8404 (Sep 16, 2009)

funny thing.... i have that book!!!! i bought it years ago and read it... it has been a long time i will reread the book... 

i still feel sick as all hell my head is still pounding, i feel dizzy and fever is back... i am going to bed hope to wake up feeling a lot better so i can reread what the hell i was talking about cause i already know i want to kick my own ass... i will reread that book tomorrow... man just rereading what you guys posted i feel like an idiot already..


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Here's the trick about the book NMMNG.

Many men read it.

Few men actually CHANGE ANYTHING after reading it.


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## Lilac23 (Jul 9, 2015)

Maybe you should quit texting her at night and just text in the morning.


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

Tony.... here's what I do. If I meet on a OLD site, I chat there for a few days. I then casually mention I am "Chuck71" on

FB. 9 times out of ten... she sends friend request. If not we chat on the site but after 4-5 days, it's either FB

back chat or phone or my interest drops. Some days I may not send her a FB message but call her that evening.

Or not call her but back chat if I'm busy doing something else. Mix it up... women like that.

Now with moms and young children.... forget back chat and phone until those tykes are in bed.

If a mom has young kids screaming and yelling in the background and they choose to talk to me.... RED flag.

If they have kids in HS, they're open for both..... kids that age are starting to "do their own thing"

When you date women with young kids, you have to be quite a bit understand time-wise or it won't work....

or if they put you before their kids.... run like he!!

Keep in mind Tony.... I don't text but still have no problem communicating with women I am interested in.


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