# Should we separate



## Lilltlelas (6 mo ago)

Hi looking for some advice me and my husbad recently got married we have a great relationship well so I thought!
yestetday I was looking at his search history on his phone not for suspicious reason we found a wallpaper we liked and was trying to find a wallapaper we came across On a wed site to order any way his last speech was fabswinngers.comand there seemed to been searching this every other day so I clicked on it and saw his profile up he has naked pictures of him self going back to nearly the start of our relationship am not to sure what the web site is but could see he was searching women in it and liking there naked photos from what I can gather from it you can meet up and chat with people for sex exchange pictures ect 😢
I don’t mind him watching porn as most men do and it was clear he was watching that to .but this is to far I pulled him up about it and he was so embarrassed apologetic kept saying he never actually spoke with any one on it or met up with any one he was as just looking but why be on a site like that for so many years and checking ur every other day if it was just to oook why watch porn aswell please some advice would help please no harsh comments towards me


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

Whether you stay with him or not is of course up to you but there’s something you need to remember. His naked photos are on the web for anyone to see. In future years how would you feel if your children or anyone else who you know finds them. It’s very easy to do a picture search on Google.


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## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

How recently? Honestly if my husband was doing this since day 1 I’m out


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## Lilltlelas (6 mo ago)

snowbum said:


> How recently? Honestly if my husband was doing this since day 1 I’m out


 2 months today 😢


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

Lilltlelas said:


> Hi looking for some advice me and my husbad recently got married we have a great relationship well so I thought!
> yestetday I was looking at his search history on his phone not for suspicious reason we found a wallpaper we liked and was trying to find a wallapaper we came across On a wed site to order any way his last speech was fabswinngers.comand there seemed to been searching this every other day so I clicked on it and saw his profile up he has naked pictures of him self going back to nearly the start of our relationship am not to sure what the web site is but could see he was searching women in it and liking there naked photos from what I can gather from it you can meet up and chat with people for sex exchange pictures ect 😢
> I don’t mind him watching porn as most men do and it was clear he was watching that to .but this is to far I pulled him up about it and he was so embarrassed apologetic kept saying he never actually spoke with any one on it or met up with any one he was as just looking but why be on a site like that for so many years and checking ur every other day if it was just to oook why watch porn aswell please some advice would help please no harsh comments towards me


You shouldn’t believe what he tells you, he will avoid telling you anything you don’t already know.

The bottom line is that he crossed boundaries and betrayed you. The big unknown question is ”how far did this go?”

How long have you been married? Any kids?


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## Lilltlelas (6 mo ago)

snowbum said:


> How recently? Honestly if


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## Lilltlelas (6 mo ago)

BeyondRepair007 said:


> You shouldn’t believe what he tells you, he will avoid telling you anything you don’t already know.
> 
> The bottom line is that he crossed boundaries and betrayed you. The big unknown question is ”how far did this go?”
> 
> How long have you been married? Any kids?


Sorry trues to reply . It’s 2 months today 🥰


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## Lilltlelas (6 mo ago)

BeyondRepair007 said:


> You shouldn’t believe what he tells you, he will avoid telling you anything you don’t already know.
> 
> The bottom line is that he crossed boundaries and betrayed you. The big unknown question is ”how far did this go?”
> 
> How long have you been married? Any kids?


Will be 2 months today together I had a daughter who died with a heart condition and he has a adult son who lives with us


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## sideways (Apr 12, 2016)

You do what you think is best for you. 

If this was me, and this was going on from the beginning of when we met and they were still active on the site, this would be enough for me to say bye bye.


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

Lilltlelas said:


> Will be 2 months today together I had a daughter who died with a heart condition and he has a adult son who lives with us


I’m so sorry for your loss. I can’t imagine that pain.

You're married 2 months and he’s been active on that site the whole time?

No way, at 2 months time he should be fully and totally absorbed with you and your new marriage.

If he’s doing this now, what will your life look like in 2 years, 10 years, etc? Will your life will be a series of pain and betrayals?

Its reasonable to consider counseling if you truly believe he is remorseful and wants to change. But even then it’s a huge risk.

I personally would find that very hard to do if my wife was cheating 2 months out of the gate. The level of disrespect alone would be insurmountable to me.


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## Lilltlelas (6 mo ago)

sideways said:


> You do what you think is best for you.
> 
> If this was me, and this was going on from the beginning of when we met and they were still active on the site, this would be enough for me to say bye bye.


Thanks for comment honestly that’s my feeling I just don’t know if it’s possible to come back from this just wanted advise to make sure I was not over reacting


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Basically he married you under false pretenses, he has been cheating all this time(yes it is cheating) as well as lying to you and deceiving you. 
The decision is yours. It's unlikely he will stop, he has probably been doing this long before he met you, so are you prepared to accept this or not. 
Personally I wouldn't put up with that at all. 
Have you both been married before?


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

Unfortunately, you really don’t know who he is. Sounds like he has deceived you all through your relationship. Had you known this before you married, you may not have married him. I’m sorry for your loss, this is all such a heavy thing to go through but if it were me, I wouldn’t stay with a guy who has a secret, second life.

Sorry you’re dealing with this.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

You may even be able to get an annulment.


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## sensitiveguy (Mar 25, 2017)

Women don’t understand guys sexuality. We need and want a lot of sex. But it would be too much to ask our wives for all the sex we want. So we meet our needs in fantasy. He may be telling the truth and living in fantasy. I am oils cut him off so easily.


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

Lilltlelas said:


> 2 months today 😢


My first thought is those nude pictures are for other dudes. You sure he does have gay sex?

I mean most women don't want naked pictures as an 'intro'. So he's either lying about the never did anything or those pictures are for those who would want naked pictures which to me says gay hook up.


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

Ah and you make your own decisions. But I would divorce fast and quick. I'd visit a lawyer without telling him. I'd get advice on how to protect yourself. Get your stuff together and then I'd have him served when I was ready.

Either way you need a full STD panel.


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## Lilltlelas (6 mo ago)

Anastasia6 said:


> My first thought is those nude pictures are for other dudes. You sure he does have gay sex?
> 
> I mean most women don't want naked pictures as an 'intro'. So he's either lying about the never did anything or those pictures are for those who would want naked pictures which to me says gay hook up.


Thanks for reply it’s all Womens photos he has been liking not men


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

Lilltlelas said:


> Thanks for reply it’s all Womens photos he has been liking not men


Sorry I thought he was posting naked photos. So he is 'liking' other womens naked photos.

Regardless I'd be done.


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## Lilltlelas (6 mo ago)

Anastasia6 said:


> Sorry I thought he was posting naked photos. So he is 'liking' other womens naked photos.
> 
> Regardless I'd be done.


He had photos of his penis up


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

Lilltlelas said:


> He had photos of his penis up


So like what kind of web site is this?
You know normal dating sites you post your face.

Again I'd be done. And just for the record not all guys watch porn either. It's good you are flexible but is this something you wish to accept? How long have you guys known each other?

ETA: I mean what kind of moral compass does someone have that they go to a sex site and post penis picts? AND more importantly THIS has been going on since he met you. So it's obvious you don't mean enough to him for him to stop on his own.

FURTHER. Cheaters lie. So he says he never met up with anyone. My guess is IF that is true isn't only cause he couldn't find a girl with low enough self-esteem to choose him based on a **** pic


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## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

sensitiveguy said:


> Women don’t understand guys sexuality. We need and want a lot of sex. But it would be too much to ask our wives for all the sex we want. So we meet our needs in fantasy. He may be telling the truth and living in fantasy. I am oils cut him off so easily.


That’s crap, many women have a lot ofsex. Don’t use your situation to label all women.


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## re16 (Oct 9, 2012)

He is ok with intentionally deceiving you... that will never change. Exit stage left.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

The answer is yes.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Lilltlelas said:


> He had photos of his penis up


That's it! Divorce him. Actually, check with your solicitor to see if you have grounds for an annulment because, arguably, his marriage to you was a fraud.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

He has naked pics of himself on a swingers hookup site and is actively going on it just 2 months into marriage. Just remember, right now should be the best time ever in your marriage and look where you are starting. Can you imagine a couple years down the road and what he will be doing?

What is odd is a quick search on google for that site says it caters to swinging couples. Generally speaking I think solo men are not the norm in the swinging community and often turned away as creepy.


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## HarryBosch (6 mo ago)

BigDaddyNY said:


> Generally speaking I think solo men are not the norm in the swinging community and often turned away as creepy.


I second that... that to me is just creepy.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

My vote is to can him. This isn’t a family man. This crap he’s involved with is addictive. Even if he stopped he’s likely to go back to it.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Lilltlelas said:


> He had photos of his penis up


Women aren't into seeing that, so who is that for?


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## AdeleCom (6 mo ago)

I may say something controversial here but if I was you I would think whether the couple intimacy changed or maybe where his need comes from.
I guess he could promise you not to do it anymore and maybe he is sincere in apologising.

However, to me this beahviour means that he may feel something is missing in your sexual life. 
IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT -LET'S BE CLEAR he could communicate if he wanted things to improve but again something is happening inside him to bahave like that.. 

So sorry it must be hard, although!


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## derelwex (5 mo ago)

If this was me, and this was going on from the beginning of when we met and they were still active on the site, this would be enough for me to say bye bye.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

As a guy who doesn’t have any issues with people viewing porn I can say without a doubt that what he is doing is WAY OVER THE TOP!!

It’s not acceptable…… PERIOD.


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## 342693 (Mar 2, 2020)

Either leave him immediately and get a divorce. Or accept this as the norm for your marriage because he’s not going to stop this behavior. He will just get better at hiding it from you.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Cut your losses and get out.

You're waiting time you'll never get back with this gut. He's not husband material.


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