# The importance of weight lifting on your road to recovery



## GotLifeBack (Sep 12, 2013)

When my STBXW left just over a year ago, I was suffering from severe anxiety and depression. I was taking anti-depressant & anti-anxiety medications. Honestly, I felt they did next to nothing, maybe just dulled the misery a little. 

I was broken mentally, and emotionally, and physically. I was having regular panic attacks and uncontrollable bouts of crying. I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t eat. A week after she left, I weighed in at 140lbs, at 6’ 1”. I was skinny and weak before she left too, I didn’t eat right, I didn’t sleep right. I was genuinely miserable.

About a month after she left, I decided I wanted to start doing something about it. I joined a gym and started weightlifting. I’m not talking about standing in front of the mirror curling 10lb dumbbells with a sweatband and a neon vest on. I’m talking about heavy compound lifts (lifts that activate more than one muscle or muscle group).

Anyone who’s read my thread will know how desperate I was to get her back at the start, I won’t lie, back then a big part of my motivation was “hell yeah, I’ll get ripped and she’ll be begging me to take her back” – but that changed pretty quickly. It turned out to be quite possibly one of the best things I’ve done in my life.

Initially, lifting provided me with an outlet for all my frustration and anger, as well as a mental reprieve from constantly thinking about her. It’s pretty hard to think about anything when you’re exerting extreme physical force. It was a welcome break for the hour or so I spent in the gym. It also fatigued me, which in turn helped me sleep. 

Then, over the course of a few weeks, I noticed I started to gradually feel better about myself mentally, physically I was getting stronger too. Little did I know the effects that weightlifting had on my neurochemistry. Weightlifting increases testosterone, dopamine, and serotonin. Testosterone, for men is used to regulate sex drive, affects confidence, assertiveness, and studies have shown that it affects attractiveness to the opposite sex. In essence, it is what makes a man, a man, and the more muscle fibres activated during lifting, the more testosterone your brain produces. Dopamine is the brain’s reward system, and has been shown to act similarly to cocaine from a neurochemical standpoint. Serotonin is the happy hormone, which is what I was lacking, causing my depression. No wonder I was starting to feel better! 

After a few months, I stopped taking my anti-depressant and anti-anxiety medication, with *no side effects*.

I believe that your wellbeing is determined by your mental health, physical health, and emotional health. Imagine your wellbeing is a glass orb, perched on three pillars. Each pillar representing one of the three things above. If one of those pillars begins to sink in to the ground, the glass orb becomes unbalanced. If a pillar crumbles, the glass orb falls and shatters. If all three sink in to the ground, the glass orb gets closer to the ground, until eventually it hits the floor, rolls far away, and shatters. The last is the hardest to recover from, because not only is the orb shattered, but all the pieces are far away. 

Exercise reinforces each of those three pillars in it’s own way. 

The major benefit of all of this is how it carries over in to your life outside of the gym. Sure it’s nice being strong, having some muscle, and show me one guy who doesn’t want a six pack, or a woman who doesn’t want her man to have one. As my confidence, assertiveness, dominance, attractiveness (testosterone) increased, I became more focused and motivated inside and outside of the gym (dopamine rewards please!) when I hit my targets or goals, it made me happy (hello serotonin) and I set new, loftier goals (testosterone again).

So, as you can see, whilst exercise directly increases these hormones which lead to feelings of wellbeing, the very increase of them wires your brain to seek out further increases, it’s a snowball effect.

Of course there are the physical changes, which are enough of a benefit for some people, but as my wellbeing increased and I became a happier person, I became more sociable, more positive, made new friends, reconnected with old friends, and gained the interest of a few ladies too. Whilst I can’t attribute these things directly to weightlifting, I can’t say “I gained new friends by weightlifting”, but I can say “I gained new friends by digging myself out of a rut, getting over my depression and anxiety, being a happier, more attractive person, and weightlifting helped me achieve that”.

There are numerous things that you can do speed up your road to recovery, and after “No Contact”, I’d say that weightlifting is the most important thing you can do for you, whether you’re a man or a woman. After weightlifting the next things are a good balanced diet, and good sleep. Incidentally a good diet and sleep are hugely beneficial to weightlifting, and weightlifting aids in helping you sleep and motivates you to keep a good diet, again it’s a snowball effect. Find a good beginners program, get out there and get lifting!


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

well...
not the kind of "weight lifting" I thought you were going to discuss.

Kuddos to you.


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## GotLifeBack (Sep 12, 2013)

Pluto2 said:


> well...
> not the kind of "weight lifting" I thought you were going to discuss.
> 
> Kuddos to you.


The physical weight lifting aids in the mental weight lifting


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## hitbyabrick (Nov 14, 2013)

Have to agree with you WWB. I'd add that it doesn't have to be weight-lifting though, there's several options. For me at first it was running. Still get that good post workout feeling, keeps you busy/active, etc. Got into weights as winter set in. 

I think both were critical for me. At first I was just chasing that good post workout feeling, and an activity that let me clear my head. Later because it made me feel good, both physically & mentally.

I'd also add that as you recover, it's important to keep it up. I started slacking on this a while back, and I've noticed an overall decline in my well being. It's cold again, so I think I'll start back on the weights next week.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Great post, WWB.

I'm also a big believer in lifting heavy weights...


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## DayOne (Sep 19, 2014)

I joined a gym soon after D-Day, as well as taking up running and swimming. I agree that the health and emotional benefits are huge motivator. Definitely in better shape (best shape i've been in for years) and feel stronger on the inside too.


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## justastatistic (May 16, 2014)

Absolutely agree with you. Weightlifting/strength training is the absolute best thing you can do for your mental health. I have experienced all of the benefits as you, including a better outlook on life (not that I was depressed before.) I encourage anyone who is stressed or depressed to give it a shot.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Weightlifting helped me immensely. Started at 13 when life really sucked. Helped pull me through.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SamuraiJack (May 30, 2014)

Pretty much any physical activity will help in the long run.
Weightlifting seems to be a favorite though.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

SamuraiJack said:


> Pretty much any physical activity will help in the long run.
> Weightlifting seems to be a favorite though.


I also continued martial arts and ballet. Your right about any hard physical activity. Weightlifting did the most for how I felt though.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## HandyMan (Nov 23, 2014)

I started exercising back in June when she wanted a divorce cause I really thought it would help get her back. Which it did but I really wasn't doing it for me. And when she left this last time about 3 weeks ago I have been trying to find the motivation I needed cause it's clearly over and motivation to do anything for her was gone. 

Just yesterday I get on match.com and seen several women that fit my profile all like to exercise. That got me to thinking about going to the gym but started feeling that I would just rather sit here and have a pity party again.

However after reading this post this is the motivation I needed to start doing this for me. It's not about her anymore. She got tired of screwing around on me and she left. It's for me now!!

I'm heading to the gym now! 

Thank you WWB!!!


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## thenub (Oct 3, 2014)

Ok. Now you have me looking into gym memberships. I just turned 50 in September and I feel like crap!!! I got my diabetes under control but just walking isn't helping me lose the weight fast enough for my liking.

After reading your post I think I'll try a one month trial membership and see how it goes. I'm sure it can only help right? 

When I was in my early to mid 30's strength wasn't an issue for me. Now that I'm at the half century mark, I notice the decline in strength and quite frankly I'm bothered by it. I think the hardest part will be that I'll be on my own and not have anyone to help push me along, unless I meet a new friend.

What the hell, I'm only going to live once. I may as well give it a shot.


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## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

Good post WWB. I agree with you. When my wife walked out. I was devastated. I ended up losing about 20 lbs because I did not want to eat. Once I settled into my new place I started lifting, doing cardio, yoga and spinning. I make sure that I sweat every day of the week. I have now lost a total of 35 lbs and just hit the 190 mark for the first time since I was in college. I am in the best shape I have been in in 30 years. I definitely feel better when I put on a shirt and feel my chest stretching the fabric or have to punch a new hole in my belt because I can't make it tight enough otherwise


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## DayOne (Sep 19, 2014)

The other, unmentioned as yet, benefit of getting to the gym is the increase in MAP. The added strength, confidence you display and feel is noticed by those around you.


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## GotLifeBack (Sep 12, 2013)

SamuraiJack said:


> Pretty much any physical activity will help in the long run.
> Weightlifting seems to be a favorite though.


I think that weightlifting is a favourite among males because it provides the biggest boost in testosterone when compared with cardio based training.



> The other, unmentioned as yet, benefit of getting to the gym is the increase in MAP. The added strength, confidence you display and feel is noticed by those around you.


Good call D1, others definitely notice the added strength/confidence, especially women.

To those looking in to joining gyms etc, personally I'd say that's a great move. First off I'd spend some time reading some weightlifting articles for beginners online, then if you can join a gym with a decent freeweight/barbell selection, look in to beginner strength training programs. A few of the popular ones, each of which are quite similar:

Starting Strength
StrongLifts
ICF 5x5

Happy lifting!


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## Mr The Other (Feb 1, 2014)

I will certainly join in on this. Weight lifting is great and I am pleased that it is enjoying popularity again. 

There are three types of fitness and all play a role, in physical and mental well being.
1) Strength
2) Stamina, not long runs always. Swimming for the unfit and short bursts of running to get the heart rate up. If you are stressed, you are full of adreniline and excess energy. Bursts of energy will release the excess adreneline.
3) Supplety, yoga is acclaimed with good reason. It will stop the adrenline building up in the first place. Sadly, it is mainly limited to people who are supple, but with poor cardio and strength. It should be done mainly by those who need to work on ttheir supplety and stress.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

WantWifeBack said:


> I think that weightlifting is a favourite among males because it provides the biggest boost in testosterone when compared with cardio based training.


:iagree:

Also, with weightlifting you can truly *transform* your body and physique in ways that are just not possible with cardio. 

With cardio only, sure you'll lose weight, but you'll just be a smaller version of the same flabby you!

Weighlifting takes away inches in places you don't want them (waist, belly, hips) and adds muscle in places you do! (shoulders, back, lats, chest, etc.)

Plus you stand up straighter, taller, and carry yourself differently when you lift weights.


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## DayOne (Sep 19, 2014)

My current routine (as suggested by PT):

Warm up. Stationary Bike: 10 minutes
Cross trainer 15 minutes
Shoulder Press (I do this first as it's a killer for me) 40lbs
Chest press 50lbs
Seated Row 60lbs
Leg Press 120lbs
Body Weight Squats
Arm Curl 50lbs
Tricep Extension 90lbs
Abdominal Crunch 100lbs
Rowing Machine 10 Minutes
Cool down. Stationary bike 5 mins.

As i'm new to gym (this time around), the routine above (all strength machines, not weights) was suggested to be followed for a month or so, and then to move onto weights. Also, a co-worker has a bench and weights for cheap that I'm going to look at.

I also run on alternate days to the gym sessions. Not a long distance yet (2.5 miles), but gradually improving. Bit concerned my (kicked) smoking habit has left long term damage as I just can't seem to break through the level i achieved a few weeks ago. I just run out of breath. 

And swim lessons every Thursday.


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## GotLifeBack (Sep 12, 2013)

> Weighlifting takes away inches in places you don't want them (waist, belly, hips) and adds muscle in places you do! (shoulders, back, lats, chest, etc.)
> 
> Plus you stand up straighter, taller, and carry yourself differently when you lift weights.


You get that V taper that chicks dig  haha.



DayOne said:


> My current routine (as suggested by PT):
> 
> Warm up. Stationary Bike: 10 minutes
> Cross trainer 15 minutes
> ...


Looks like a solid routine D1, similar to what I started on. I personally find free-weights vastly superior to machines. Move on to these as soon as you feel ready! I'd personally suggest looking at StrongLifts - it's perfect for beginners and teaches the importance of good form on compound lifts.

Of the exercises you listed, the body weight squats are possibly the most important as they set you up for weighted squats. I started with body weight squats, tonight I'll be squatting a 200lbs bar for 5 sets. Whilst in terms of squats 200lbs isn't high, it's a damn sight higher than I could manage this time a year ago! 

I don't do any cardio by choice at the moment. My heart rate is increased with lifting due to the intensity, and fat loss is controlled by calories in vs calories out. I'd rather just put a few hundred less calories in than do cardio - I'm usually too exhausted after lifting anyway!


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## justastatistic (May 16, 2014)

DayOne said:


> My current routine (as suggested by PT):
> 
> Warm up. Stationary Bike: 10 minutes
> Cross trainer 15 minutes
> ...


Looks like a solid routine to me as well, but I wonder if you're not overdoing it if you're doing this entire routine every other day. You don't need to do so many weight exercises to get the same, or better results. Here's what I like about your routine:

1. Running to the gym. 2.5 miles is amazing, as I personally find it hard to run at all, too much stress on my knees and feet/ankles.
2. Some cardio with every workout. 
3. Most of your exercises are compound exercises, although I would encourage you to switch to free weights. Machines minimize the benefit of compound exercises by isolating muscle groups. For example, sitting and doing a shoulder press with a machine is ok, but a standing shoulder press with a barbell, even if it's just the barbell without additional weight, is a much better exercise as it brings your whole core into play in order to stabilize your body for the lift. If a barbell is too heavy, use lighter dumbbells until you can handle a bar. 

My own routine is as follows (I use a push/pull/legs routine using the 5x5 strong lifts program...5 sets of 5 reps of the heaviest weight I can manage and still get all sets done without losing my form):

Day One: (PUSH)

Bench press 
Standing shoulder press
Triceps extensions
Abs (planks and ab wheel, I don't do crunches, they're not good for your back and those seated ad machines where you can add additional weight are not good.) 
Cardio (usually either 30 min on the treadmill at 4 mph or 30 mins on a stationary bike using an interval program.)

Day Two:

Cardio for 30 - 45 mins, again either on the bike or walking on the treadmill.

Day Three: (PULL)

Deadlifts
Seated cable rows 
Bicep curls
Pullups (If you can't do pullups, start with negative pullups until you can do them.)
Abs, planks and wheel
Cardio (same as day 1)

Day Four:
Same as day 2

Day 5: (LEGS)

Squats
Lunges
Calf raises (If I feel like it, usually I don't lol)
Abs, planks and wheel
Cardio (same as day 1)

Day 6:
Same as day 2

The results have been amazing so far. I not only look and feel better (which definitely gets noticed, which is nice) but I like what I see in the mirror. Good luck to everyone who tries weights.


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## DayOne (Sep 19, 2014)

Just a small correction:



> 1. Running to the gym. 2.5 miles is amazing, as I personally find it hard to run at all, too much stress on my knees and feet/ankles.


I did wonder if that would be misread. To clarify, I run on ALTERNATE days to attending the gym.

IE:
Monday, run.
Tuesday, Gym
Wednesday, run...

Etc.




But I like your plan. Thanks for the suggestion.


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## thenub (Oct 3, 2014)

Ok. I called up one of my daughter's gymnastics friend's dad and asked him about starting out in weight training. We spent about an hour on the phone chatting and he invited me to go with him on Thursday and he said he would help me work out a good routine to get me going. 
I'm glad I'll have someone there that I know that has been doing it for years. I just hope my back doesn't get too sore 
I still have to work the next day.


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## jeffthechef (Sep 10, 2013)

Good to see you're doing well WWB. 

I second Stronglifts 5x5. I've been doing that for awhile mixed with a hefty swimming routine for cardio.


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## GotLifeBack (Sep 12, 2013)

jeffthechef said:


> Good to see you're doing well WWB.
> 
> I second Stronglifts 5x5. I've been doing that for awhile mixed with a hefty swimming routine for cardio.


Doing good thanks Jeff, hope all is well with you too


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## joannacroc (Dec 17, 2014)

So glad to hear you've discovered something along the way that has helped you. When I found out a few days ago that my husband has been cheating on me and finally made the decision to separate, I started experiencing pretty bad anxiety too. Your post gave me the motivation to start running again. While I know weight lifting is great for your physique etc, I just have never enjoyed it, but I guess one person's runner's high is another person's weight lifting buzz (or whatever they call it). *pulls out running shoes* thanks for the inspiration and best of luck on your journey!


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## upsidedownworld (Dec 13, 2013)

WWB you are 100% correct about what you said about lifting. 

I was always in the gym when I was married but, I never lifted to my potential. When my ex wife told me she wanted out I got more focused then ever. It helped relieve my stress and pushed me harder. Today I can keep up with the 20 year old gym rats and I'm 38. Heck I even got a complement from the x saying I looked really good. Also I went back to boxing (for a workout not climbing back into the ring) and wow that got a lot of my aggression out.

One question for you though is, when you say 5x5 are you meaning 5 sets for 5 reps? Also how many movements are you doing for a certain muscle group? I'm doing two movements per muscle groups except legs. Legs I do 4-6 depending on how I feel that day.


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## BlueWoman (Jan 8, 2015)

Just jumping in her to say I joined a gym last month. And I have to admit as much as I say I hate exercise...while I'm working out, I'm not depressed, I'm not missing him. I am focused on whatever is in my headphones and making it through whatever the activity is. After that I don't have any energy to think about anything else. 

And you are right...no problems falling asleep.


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## justastatistic (May 16, 2014)

upsidedownworld said:


> WWB you are 100% correct about what you said about lifting.
> 
> I was always in the gym when I was married but, I never lifted to my potential. When my ex wife told me she wanted out I got more focused then ever. It helped relieve my stress and pushed me harder. Today I can keep up with the 20 year old gym rats and I'm 38. Heck I even got a complement from the x saying I looked really good. Also I went back to boxing (for a workout not climbing back into the ring) and wow that got a lot of my aggression out.
> 
> One question for you though is, when you say 5x5 are you meaning 5 sets for 5 reps? Also how many movements are you doing for a certain muscle group? I'm doing two movements per muscle groups except legs. Legs I do 4-6 depending on how I feel that day.


The stronglifts program is a five reps for five sets program using heavier weights. There is a pdf file available online, just do a google search for stronglifts5x5. If you can't find it and want it, send me a pm with your email and I'll send it to you. I have it saved.

And a big bravo to you Bluewoman. If you're just doing cardio in the gym, think about throwing in some weight / resistance training. Cardio is great for overall health, but I believe it is the weight training that has been shown to improve and/or alleviate depression.


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## BlueWoman (Jan 8, 2015)

justastatistic said:


> And a big bravo to you Bluewoman. If you're just doing cardio in the gym, think about throwing in some weight / resistance training. Cardio is great for overall health, but I believe it is the weight training that has been shown to improve and/or alleviate depression.


I am doing weights. Not every time I go to the gym, but about two or three times a week. May be a while before I see the difference, I have a lot of fat to lose. But I am feeling stronger and more energetic. Which makes me want to work out more...So I am enjoying the cycle.


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## MountainRunner (Dec 30, 2014)

justastatistic said:


> And a big bravo to you Bluewoman. If you're just doing cardio in the gym, think about throwing in some weight / resistance training. Cardio is great for overall health, but I believe it is the weight training that has been shown to improve and/or alleviate depression.


Yep...Lifting and cardio proponent here as well. Eat healthily, lift heavy, run far...My motto.


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