# Opinion on veto power



## frootloop (Dec 20, 2010)

I would like some woman's opinions, guys are welcome to comment as well, but I've already heard from lots of guys I know about the topic. 

While separated, awaiting my divorce, I decided that getting a divorce is hard, while getting married is too easy. I decided to remedy this partially by picking a close friend I've known for 20 years, and granting them "Veto Power", should I choose to propose marriage to another woman, they have an un-revokable right to stop me.

While admittedly a bit of a peculiar idea, I thought it could help keep me out of the kind of trouble I'm currently in.

Anyway, I recently met someone (two months ago), and she feels its complete insanity. I'll like to hear what others think.


----------



## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

I think it is silly. Learn, grow and become the person who is capable of making judgements you can live with.


----------



## MarriedWifeInLove (May 28, 2010)

You never-ever give ANYONE power over you and your thoughts/decisions.

They are yours to keep.

With experience and maturity, you WILL KNOW when you've made the right decision.

We all make mistakes - learn from your first marriage and don't bring those things into your second relationship.

It's scary and hard, but all good things in life usually are.


----------



## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

I think it's a very bad idea. I know my friends would Veto my relationship because they don't want me moving away and for various other reasons which are not my biggest concerns.


----------



## nader (May 4, 2011)

yeah that sounds pretty weird. If you want to do something, you will find a way to do it, no matter what kind of imaginary power you give your trusted friend.


----------



## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Casts the distinct impression that you lack confidence, introspection, wisdom, and the ability to make and take responsibility for your own life and decisions.

Letting a potential partner in on this 'deal' you have struck makes you look bad, pure and simple.


----------



## magnoliagal (Mar 30, 2011)

What I want and what my friends think I need are two completely different things. My best friend didn't even think I'd make it 2 dates with my husband and yet we are about to celebrate 20 years of marriage.

I make my own decisions.


----------



## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

magnoliagal said:


> What I want and what my friends think I need are two completely different things. My best friend didn't even think I'd make it 2 dates with my husband and yet we are about to celebrate 20 years of marriage.
> 
> I make my own decisions.


Amen, mag. My best friend thought my husband was an irresponsible child. (She was right, of course!) She wanted me to kick him to the curb. Instead we decided to grow up together.


----------



## credamdóchasgra (Sep 24, 2010)

I will admit there's a part of me that wished someone had shaken me very hard a year ago and screamed at me "DON'T!!!"
but alas, I wad trusted to make and follow through on my own decision.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## frootloop (Dec 20, 2010)

I think you are all selling this idea short. History has shown me to be incompetent to make this decision correctly, therefore I'm getting some assistance in the future.

When you buy a used car, many people take a mechanic with them - I see this as a similar move. The tricky part is finding a friend who can be objective. Thankfully, I have a happily married woman as a friend, who has known me since high school (> 20 years, ie, knows me better than I do).


----------



## Trenton (Aug 25, 2010)

It's really just a mind game you're playing with yourself. If you fall head over heels in love (and hopefully you do), I doubt anyone else will be able to stop you anyway. That's why they say only fools fall in love. We're all fools.


----------



## JJG (Mar 9, 2011)

In reality of course this would not work BUT i can really see the advantages!

When you "fall for someone" you do not see the reality of the situation.

I wish one of my friends had given veto power to someone . . . he rushed into a marriage with a person he had only just met becasue she was "perfect" and "the one". Everyone (all of his friends and family) could see that she was a wrong choice and she was taking advantage. Unfortunately now 2 years down the line he is seeing this too, too bad for him he is now married and she is pregnant. He has ruined his life . . . .

i would say TOTAL veto power is not feasible - just listen to the opinions of the people who care about you!!


----------



## surfergirl (Jan 27, 2011)

frootloop said:


> I would like some woman's opinions, guys are welcome to comment as well, but I've already heard from lots of guys I know about the topic.
> 
> While separated, awaiting my divorce, I decided that getting a divorce is hard, while getting married is too easy. I decided to remedy this partially by picking a close friend I've known for 20 years, and granting them "Veto Power", should I choose to propose marriage to another woman, they have an un-revokable right to stop me.
> 
> ...


What you are talking about is not "vetoing power"...it's "vetoing responsibility". The responsibility you have as an adult (seeking to be in a relationship) to recognise the part you play in life and embrace the things that are working and change the things that aren't - so that you can go forward and become somebody worthy of being a partner.

There's nothing wrong with seeking advice from friends - sometimes they do see things we are blinded by. But to give someone the final say in such a huge life decision is childish and maddness.

Not meaning to sound harsh but seriously, you need to grow up...start taking responsibility for your own life and decisions - like the rest of us adults.


----------



## frootloop (Dec 20, 2010)

JJG said:


> In reality of course this would not work BUT i can really see the advantages!
> 
> When you "fall for someone" you do not see the reality of the situation.
> 
> ...


I think you guys might misunderstand. Its too late for me, I already provided my friend with un-revokable limited power-of-attorney to veto proposals, in front of a witness. A verbal contract only, but my word is important to me.

Whether I "change my mind" about this being a good idea is irrelevant, I would have to decide if I'm willing to break a promise made to a close friend, which I don't see happening, no matter how deeply in love I'm feeling.

Personally, I have an issue with leaping without looking a little too often, so I have put the veto in place already, again, without due consideration of the consequences.


----------



## frootloop (Dec 20, 2010)

The talisman I made for my friend, to remind me of my promise:


----------



## WhiteRabbit (May 11, 2011)

Never attempt to give away your power. Chances are, you're going to do what your heart and mind tell you to do anyway so the whole illusion of giving someone power over your decisions will do nothing but frustrate the person entrusted with this so called "veto" power.


----------



## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

frootloop said:


> I think you are all selling this idea short. History has shown me to be incompetent to make this decision correctly, therefore I'm getting some assistance in the future.


Or you could bother to learn from your decisions. Abdicating just makes you a child.


----------



## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

frootloop said:


> I think you guys might misunderstand. Its too late for me, I already provided my friend with un-revokable limited power-of-attorney to veto proposals, in front of a witness. A verbal contract only, but my word is important to me.


Your handle is well earned!


----------



## surfergirl (Jan 27, 2011)

frootloop said:


> I think you guys might misunderstand. Its too late for me, I already provided my friend with un-revokable limited power-of-attorney to veto proposals, in front of a witness. A verbal contract only, but my word is important to me.
> 
> Whether I "change my mind" about this being a good idea is irrelevant, I would have to decide if I'm willing to break a promise made to a close friend, which I don't see happening, no matter how deeply in love I'm feeling.
> 
> Personally, I have an issue with leaping without looking a little too often, so I have put the veto in place already, again, without due consideration of the consequences.


Oh come on now....your word important to you? How about "your promise" to your now separated wife you are divorcing - seems to me you are more than able and willing to break a promise and even a legal contract for that matter.

Like I said in my last post....not meaning to be harsh toward you but your Veto is a cop out no matter how well you try and dress it up.


----------



## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

I agree with the others... You're just dodging accountability, and pushing it onto a friend. What's next, handing your friend your bank and credit cards, and asking them to ration you out a weekly allowance?

Seriously, I think you'd be much further ahead doing some self-development work to figure out why you're making bad choices, and taking back your responsibility.

One other thing to consider... What kind of partner would be willing to accept that you want to spend the rest of your life with them only because someone else says so? I would lose a ton of respect for anyone who did that.

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## COGypsy (Aug 12, 2010)

PBear said:


> I agree with the others... You're just dodging accountability, and pushing it onto a friend. What's next, handing your friend your bank and credit cards, and asking them to ration you out a weekly allowance?
> 
> Seriously, I think you'd be much further ahead doing some self-development work to figure out why you're making bad choices, and taking back your responsibility.
> 
> ...


:iagree:

Yep...if I wanted a kid, I'd have one, not marry one. Otherwise, my interest would be in marrying a grown-up man who can be a partner to me. Not some middle-school refugee who has to ask permission from his friends to live his life.


----------

