# Would you marry someone like this?



## sweetheart001 (Dec 17, 2012)

Hello--
I woke this morning with a strange feeling inside of me, and as I showered I started to think even deeper into what going on inside of me. I have a bf of over 2 years. And lately I've been feeling a little insecure about our relationship.. We've had our ups and downs as in most relationship, and lately I've noticed that we've both been trying our best to make things better.

The issue--My current boyfriend has a preference of Hispanic women, particularly puerto rican woman, he says he likes their looks, ie color of skin, long hair etc. I however am black/hispanic, attractive, and slender... I am however, brown skin and dont resemble his ideal loook what so ever.. I often see him staring at these types in the street, and would sometimes see him reference them in messages to friends. He's never been with a puerto rican woman before in a relationship or dating.. He's white by the way. I saw some things written to a friend about going to clubs that at 80% hispanic. He is young and immature, so I'm not sure if this plays a role. My question is should I continue this relationship feeling like a second best or am I over thinking this? Please help me with some clarity. I'm worried that we'll continue on with him just going through the motions and will eventually find someone more his type that likes him. I don't know if I should keep it going or try to cool my feelings down. He treats me well for the most part and take care of me.. but this is something that's been bothering me. Someone suggested couples therapy.. I am starting to wonder if after 2 years if it's worth it. Thanks.


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## costa200 (Jun 27, 2012)

Haven't you caught him looking at other types of beautiful women? Can't it be that you are just more attentive when you perceive a possible threat?

Men will look at attractive women. And there are a lot more about a long term relationship than a supposedly "ideal type" of woman in a physical sense. But maybe there are other things that displease you in this guy?


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

I know how this feels... My husband loves Asian women... And I'm as white as they come!

You said your bf is immature, but how? How does he treat you? My guess is that there is more going on in your mind than you realize...
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## sweetheart001 (Dec 17, 2012)

I think immature in the sense that he still likes to go out and party, he likes to talk about other women to his friends, especially if they are latin/puerto rican.. I'm not sure why he's even with me if I'm not his ideal physical type.. We ever we go through issues, he'll write to friends saying that he's going on a mission for puerto rican girls.. It's so gross.. Once when I was trying to break up with him he writes to me in a text.. I'm going to find a "hot puerto rican, who isn't crazy".. But then when we're fine he wants to be all over me texting me all day and night and wanting to spend every weekend together, and coming to my apartment on weeknights. He's always saying how special I am and that I'm was one of his best friends..etc. but I can't help but wonder if he had the opportunity one day what would he do?


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Oh I would drop him like a mofo rock. Why? Not for looking at other women .... But for the disrespectful.... "Im going to find myself a hot puerto rican who isnt crazy" That coupled with his obsession with them. Ie the going on a mission for one... Constantly talking about them rather then you to his friends... Constant partying.... No... It seems like he would rather be single imo and no way would I marry someone like that.
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## ScaredandUnsure (Nov 17, 2011)

^
That, I'd drop him like a hot potato.


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## sweetheart001 (Dec 17, 2012)

Even after 2years of dating?


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Yep.
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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Especially after 2 years. Hell I would drop my man of five years now if he acted like that.
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## sweetheart001 (Dec 17, 2012)

I think it's easier said than done. I do have feelings for the guy.. He's 27, I'm 29. not sure if this is strange behavior for a guy at this age. He had in the past talked about having a future.. And he's cried tears, really hard cries whenever I tried in the past to break it off... He's also always insecure when I want to go out with friends, am I really the "in the meantime girl"?


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Of course its easier said then done but based on your posts... It sounds as if he is manipulating you. I care about my man to but as pointed out... It appears as if he would rather be single. I would never marry someone who showed obvious signs of lacking commitment. 

He is insecure but he goes and does the same thing regardless of how you feel? You do deserve respect and if the relationship is going to be serious you do not need to fear setting boundaries.
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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

If he wants a committed relationship then he needs to act committed. Dont be letting him guilt trip you... Ie the tears or walk all over you.
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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

sweetheart001 said:


> I think it's easier said than done.


... As are decisions of any importance we make in life.



sweetheart001 said:


> I do have feelings for the guy..


I'm sure you do after two years. However, feelings of being comfortable with someone, being familiar with their behaviors and habits, does not mean it's a match meant to last a lifetime.

And, yeah, I agree with others who have responded. I'd drop your bf like radioactive waste. 



sweetheart001 said:


> And he's cried tears, really hard cries whenever I tried in the past to break it off... He's also always insecure when I want to go out with friends, am I really the "in the meantime girl"?


Yep, you're Plan B, not to mention this guy is manipulative as all get-out. I had a man break down and sob when I wanted to end it. I was much younger, and I fell for it. Shame on me, I fell for it several times. But I learned the hard way to recognize manipulation for what it is. 

You aren't even married to this man. Do yourself a huge favor. Find yourself a better man, because YOU deserve it.


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## Numbersixxx (Oct 10, 2012)

sweetheart001 said:


> I think it's easier said than done. I do have feelings for the guy.. He's 27, I'm 29. not sure if this is strange behavior for a guy at this age. He had in the past talked about having a future.. And he's cried tears, really hard cries whenever I tried in the past to break it off... He's also always insecure when I want to go out with friends, am I really the "in the meantime girl"?


I am 25 and yes, this is strange and immature behaviour. Tell him to start behaving like an adult or find something better. 

BTW. What exactly are his good qualities that make you attracted to him?
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## sweetheart001 (Dec 17, 2012)

He does have some good qualities.. He take care of me in terms of putting my needs first, he always checks in on me, includes me in family trips, weddings, he remembers important dates, we bake together, he'll get me what i need in terms of helping with errands, I know he's attracted to me because I can't walk around naked or half dressed without help wanting to have sex with me.. he remembers all of my likes. he comes to visit my parents out of state, he'll some times include me when he goes out with friends, etc. but i still feel like if he has this preference why try to hold on and discuss the future and stuff? i dont want to make a big deal out of something like this.


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