# Unsure if it is his baby...



## Sunshine2008 (Nov 19, 2008)

Hi,

I am welcome to any feedback.

My husband of 3 years had an affair that began in October of last year and ended in February of this year when I found out about it. 

To make a very long story short, I found emails from them regarding the affair. In the last set of emails, she was telling him that she was pregnant, but it was not his baby because she got pregnant after the last time they slept together. She said it was her husband's baby.

However, I just saw a photo of her new baby, and she was not supposed to be due until late December. She gave birth in September or late August to a big baby. I am concerned, as is my hubby, that this might be his child. 

He does not want to disrupt their family, and it appears that her husband has forgiven her as well and will raise the child as his own. (or he thinks it is his).

Do I do anything about this? Do I ask for a paternity test? I feel like it is a situation that I do not want to fight any longer, emotionally. However, I don't want a call in 18 years demanding back child support, or a child wondering why his father was never in his life. I am not into drama of any kind, and would like to be able to let this go, if that is the correct course of action to take. 

No one in my family knows about the affair. Only 1 friend knows and I feel like I have no one to talk to that could lend sound advice. 

I am a spiritual woman and like to think that I am a forgiving woman as well. That being said, I am very torn up over this situation and the love of my life being with another woman sickens me a great deal. He has agreed to counseling, but we have not had insurance for several months. I look forward to moving forward with my life. It is affecting my spirit a great deal.

Thank you for any help. Blessings to all of you.


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

In order to move forward with your life you need to put this behind you. Get the paternity test so all involved can be sure. If the child is not his then both couples need to move on and recover their marriages. If the child is your husbands then make the moral decisions you feel right in his involvement with the child and the financial responsibilities. For the moral responsibilities you and your husband need to both be at peace with his involvement or lack there of. For the financial and legal aspects consult an attorney.


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## Sunshine2008 (Nov 19, 2008)

Thank you, that is exactly what we have both been thinking is the right thing to do. He has a moral obligation here. I will contact an attorney to see if we can request the paternity test. I know they will not do it on their own.

Thank you so much for your insight.


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## storyboardlife (Oct 31, 2008)

You may want to tread lightly on this issue. If it is his what are you going to do? do you plan to adopt? Do you plan to give money every month? If the mother doesn't want to give the child up are you going to have visitation rights? 

If the husband wants to keep the child are you willing to go to court over this? In the end, I think that you are going to have to either take the child for adoption or let the child stay with the other family. Your husband is essentially the sperm donor at this point. Do what you think is right but do not equate feeling guilty with what is the moral thing to do. For example, I don't think that you would condone marriage for your under age daughter just because she got pregnant? I know this has to be hard on you for you to have to think about your husband doing this to you and your family but please tread lightly.


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## Sunshine2008 (Nov 19, 2008)

I do want to tread lightly, that is why I am asking for outside help. If it is his, yes we would pay child support. That is where the moral obligation comes in to play here. I do not think they would want us to adopt her child. She is the baby's mother, and she does not even want to know if it is my husband's or not. She has denied that the affair continued into the time that she got pregnant. However, I have the emails to prove that they were still sleeping together when she got pregnant.

I am just a little worried about the long road ahead. In several years, will she come back and say my husband abandoned her and will he owe back child support? Is it right to know now, or wait, unknowing for the years to come to find out if it is his child?

Any more feedback is greatly appreciated!


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

Start a fund now squirring away 75 a week. If it comes to it you will have the money, if nothing ever comes of it than you have a nest egg.

draconis


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## voivod (Aug 7, 2008)

draconis said:


> Start a fund now squirring away 75 a week. If it comes to it you will have the money, if nothing ever comes of it than you have a nest egg.
> 
> draconis


:iagreeut it in an escrow account so you can have it legally acounted for.


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