# what's an ideal husband (wife) according to you?



## thussa (Dec 15, 2010)

Just want to see different opinion as to what makes an ideal husband or wife for you. What are a few things you would want or have in your spouse that fills or would fill your tank?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

My definition of my ideal husband: 

Faithful,

Has a stable job so he can provide, he doesn't need to make big money.

Affectionate and considerate towards me,

Understands me, 

Good looking,

Good in bed( this is important to me, he has to seduce me and flirt with me often, he is good at groping me and fondling me, he explores my body and finds out how to make me excited..............)

Spends time playing with me and talking to me, 

Takes me out and does things with me together, 



I have my ideal husband right now, no complaining. 

I have to work hard to keep the one I have!


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## B329FA (Jun 21, 2011)

Thussa

That is a very simple question yet a very hard question to answer. If you have the spouse that is perfect for you only you know really why that is. The things that make your spouse perfect in your eyes is completely the opposite of what makes a good spouse for another person. What makes a good spouse is how and what you feel about that person deep down inside yourself.


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## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

I like green pearls list. And in no particular order:

100% faithful.

I want him to be kind and thoughtful to me, so he would do nice things and be romantic without having to be asked.

Has a steady job, but like GP he doesn't have to earn a lot.

To be generous with time and money.

To love me very much and show me and tell me every day.

Is attracted to me and wants to flirt with me and invest time in keeping me attracted to him.

Likes to be affectionate, hugging, kissing, touching and groping etc.

Wants to spend time with me. 

Takes me out places and enjoys being with me.

Speaks highly of me to others and does not let anyone put me down.

Is not afraid to say how he feels and is not afraid to take risks with me.

Takes the lead in the relationship.


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## B329FA (Jun 21, 2011)

greenpearl and syrum

I have a stupid question if you are both married to your ideal husband and say something happens and he loses his job or cant have great sex anymore or has an accident and isn't good looking anymore are you going to leave him because he isn't your idea of the ideal husband? 

I hope both of you answer no to that and say he is still the same ideal husband because that would prove you have looked past the superficial and found your ideal husband by looking at the things other people can't necessarily see.


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## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

B329FA said:


> greenpearl and syrum
> 
> I have a stupid question if you are both married to your ideal husband and say something happens and he loses his job or cant have great sex anymore or has an accident and isn't good looking anymore are you going to leave him because he isn't your idea of the ideal husband?
> 
> I hope both of you answer no to that and say he is still the same ideal husband because that would prove you have looked past the superficial and found your ideal husband by looking at the things other people can't necessarily see.


If he lost his job through no fault of his own and was honestly trying to get another as hard as he could, then of course I would still love him.

Same if he health problems, was sick and lost his job or could not have sex. As long as he is looking for a solution to this and trying as hard as he can to overcome the issue them I would still respect and love him.

But if it was something fixable and he did nothing about it, my desire and respect for him would go down. 

I have had health problems of my own and lost my sex drive for a while and could not have sex for a while due to severe medical issues, I would want my future husband to stick by me and love me if this type of thing happened again.

I would not expect him to be happy if I had health problems that could be solved and if I could increase my drive etc and I did not do them.


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## B329FA (Jun 21, 2011)

thanks for the honest answer syrum. 

What I got from your answer is its not what he has but what he tries to give you. He doesn't have to give you anything as long as he is making the effort. 

There are a lot of people who marry for physical items such as money, cars, etc. Then there are those who marry for love and get the physical items as a reward.


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## greeneyeddolphin (May 31, 2010)

Faithful, honest, kind, mature, stable (financially and mentally), responsible, funny, intelligent, sensitive, good with kids. Someone who can handle conflict fairly and calmly, without resorting to slinging insults and namecalling.


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

B329FA said:


> greenpearl and syrum
> 
> I have a stupid question if you are both married to your ideal husband and say something happens and he loses his job or cant have great sex anymore or has an accident and isn't good looking anymore are you going to leave him because he isn't your idea of the ideal husband?
> 
> I hope both of you answer no to that and say he is still the same ideal husband because that would prove you have looked past the superficial and found your ideal husband by looking at the things other people can't necessarily see.


BFA,

My job is more stable than my husband's! 

I am able to provide for two of us. 

I have always being supportive and understanding when his hours were down. 

But I AM happy if he goes out and looks for more hours right away after he knows his hours are down. It shows he is a responsible man. And HE IS! He just lost some hours from one school since the school is not doing well, but he went out and found a new job right away. I was all supportive and encouraging. 

For appearance, both of us are trying very hard to maintain our shape. We can't change the fact that we are aging, but we can do out best to keep our shape. It also shows that we are responsible for our health and life. I am 38, I am doing my best to maintain size 2 figure, do you think it is easy! I have to resist a lot of good food in front of me! I have to go out jogging every morning, I climb stairs to the 9th floor instead of taking the elevator. My husband also knows the importance to keep his shape. He will do what he needs to do when time comes. 

If accidents happen, if it is something we can't control happens, and it causes misfortune for us, we will be there for each other. At least I will, and I am confident he will! Although we are reminding each other often to be careful when we are out! Being healthy is important, for our own happiness and benefit, we have to be healthy and safe. 

Attitude matters. We have to have responsible attitude towards our life, for us, and for people who are important to us!


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

I want a man who is faithful, honest, devoted and committed. A man I can trust. I want a man who I can be myself around. He must have a good job, good credit history and take care of himself. He must love me truly and will put me first in his life.


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## CLucas976 (Jun 27, 2010)

Perfect husband...

I think it was pretty much already said. It's not what they have, but what they are willing to give and work for.

I need someone who can and will communicate, can and will work to better ourselves and our lives, and is willing to do so without it being a fight. Marriage brings two lives together, so both parties need to work for it.

It's not about the cash flow, or who makes more, or who is better at what or how many fancy things he has or how much of sexy ***** he is, it's the effort he brings in that really matters first. ( I find anyone I have affection and love for attractive, even if afterwards I look back and gasp at the ugly beast in the pictures )

Aside from that, basics. Loyalty, understanding, and HONESTY. My only other requirement is that "he" doesn't have a drug/alcohol problem..this includes being a pothead.


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## MissionSunrise (Jul 3, 2011)

Ideal wife -

Smart, attractive, takes good care of the kids, has a decent job, participates in planning the family budget, good with finances, has their education, cleans up after themselves, independent, likes to try new things/foods, honest, 100% faithful, likes to go on adventures, physically fit, likes a man that takes care of their family, able to enjoy peace (not always doing something) - like sitting on the beach for an hour taking in the waves relaxing, and able to have intellectual conversations once in a while. The ideal wife would like to be seduced before the real action begins.


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## WadeWilson (Jul 4, 2010)

simple answer for me....
Honest.
Faithful.
Non-Judgmental.
Huge Talker

I don't need anyone nor expect anyone to provide to me what I can provide to myself....

I am one of limited means, so I am thankful for my wife, she understands.... 
putting too much emphasis on clothes, looks, money, possessions only leads to seeking of more...
what happens if all of that is stripped away, and you have look at them talk to them....

Nobody should settle for a crumb-bum, but to be honest if they show effort towards me with me.... it'll all be alright....


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Qualities I admire: honesty, grace, compassion, patience. Having shared views and philosophies. Mutual respect and desire. Someone I can truly be myself with and vice verse. The freedom to grow and change with.


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## Laurae1967 (May 10, 2011)

I think what I value in a husband is:
1) Honest and possessing integrity and good values
2) Very physically affectionate
3) Great sense of humor
4) Responsible and stable yet able to have fun
5) Intelligent and able to have good conversations with me
6) Giving and open lover
7) Strong friendship and the feeling that he's got my back
8) Willing to try new things and be open to evolving, growing, and learning new things about himself, life, etc.

I am basically describing my husband! We will celebrate 5 years of marriage in August and each year it gets better and better.


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## MGirl (Mar 13, 2011)

Syrum said:


> I like green pearls list. And in no particular order:
> 
> 100% faithful.
> 
> ...


Beautiful list, Syrum. I agree verbatim.


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## Locard (May 26, 2011)

My wife.


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## WhiteRabbit (May 11, 2011)

Locard said:


> My wife.


Awww that is so sweet! Where's my bucket? *kidding!*. Good for you
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

It's too soon to tell. When I find someone I can tolerate, I'll let you know.


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## marriagesucks (Sep 24, 2010)

This is my list. And after reading a lot of posts of problems people are having in their marriage, I think a lot people might agree with this list. I challenge you to see how your relationship rates against this list. This was an eye opener for me. No wonder I am so miserable.


1.) FINANCIALLY STABLE. It is important to be about to live comfortably
a) first husband (divorced) - started off okay, then went downhill when he insisted on pursuing a dead end career.
b) longterm boyfriend (broke off) - asset wealthy but cash poor (and cheap) so we couldn't go on vacations or do anything. 
c) current husband - has stable job and able to live comfortably. I don't work (because I live in a small town in the middle of nowhere).

2) HAS INTEGRITY
a) first husband - strong integrity (10 out of 10)
b) longterm boyfriend - had serious issues with integrity and because of it I did not trust him (1 out of 10). This was a bit source of our issues.
c) current husband - some integrity (7 out of 10)

3) ADORES ME. (Thinks your more special than anyone else he knows.)
a) Yes (11 out of 10). 
b) Yes (11 out of 10). 
c) Mmmm (5 out of 10). Well he adored me in the beginning and would jump through hoops for our relationship. Now that we are married, he looks at other girls and spends more time with his drinking buddies, and is verbally abusive to me on a regular basis, withholds sex at times, and sleeps on the couch a lot.

4. CHEMISTRY
a) first husband - 10 out of 10. We were still sleeping together while we were getting a divorce. 
b) long term boyfriend - 11 out of 10. Couldn't keep our hands off each other.
c) current husband - it varies (in the beginning it was 8 out of 10. But my husband put on a lot of weight after we met and, his verbal abuse after we got married makes me feel less attracted to him--sometimes it is as low as 1 out of 10)

3. CONSIDERATE AND SUPPORTIVE.
a) first husband - 10 out of 10
b) longterm boyfriend - 4 out of 10
c) husband - 2 out of 10

4. SOCIAL ABILITY
a) first husband - 9 out of 10 (very social, interesting, everyone likes him)
b) longterm boyfriend - 6 out of 10 (awkward around some people)
c) current husband - 2 out of 10 (he is a real introvert and does not like being around people very long except his drinking/golf buddies). He's not interested in having friends in common and we don't invite friends over anymore.

5. HAVE THINGS IN COMMON. (I feel you need to have commonalities or you will struggle to spend time together)
a) first husband - 8 out of 10
b) long term boyfriend (12 out of 10)
c) current husband - 2 out of 10 

6. FAITHFUL AND NOT A FLIRT EITHER
a) first husband - fully trust him 10 out of 10
b) long term boyfriend - fully trust him 10 out of 10
c) current husband - 5 out of 10

7. IS RESPECTFUL TO ME. (At home and in public.)
a) first husband - 10 out of 10. He never said anything negative about me to others. Even when we argued, he didn't resort to name calling or said any reprehensible that he had to apologize for.
b) long term boyfriend - 5 out of 10. He many times put me down in front of others. 
c) current husband - 1 out of 10. In the beginning of our marriage he would snap at me in front of his family. When he gets mad he screams terrible obscenities. I have been called every horrible name in the book--it's like every day in our house is like Jerry Springer Uncut version. He screams loud enough for the neighbors to hear even though I tell him it humiliates me. Everyone knows he treats me like **** as it is a small town. I did not grow up like this.

8. TAKES CARE OF HIS HEALTH. CARES ABOUT STAYING ATTRACTIVE
a) first husband - 10 out of 10
b) second husband - 10 out of 10
c) current husband - 1 out of 10. (He is obese and does not make an effort to lose weight; he is an alcoholic and it is starting to affect his health but he doesn't seem to care; he does not exercise.


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## MGirl (Mar 13, 2011)

marriagesucks said:


> This is my list. And after reading a lot of posts of problems people are having in their marriage, I think a lot people might agree with this list. I challenge you to see how your relationship rates against this list. This was an eye opener for me. No wonder I am so miserable.


So why on earth are you and your ex-h divorced?


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## marriagesucks (Sep 24, 2010)

MGirl
His career went down the tubes and he couldn't find a job. He got very upset. He didn't want to stay in the US anymore and decided to go back to Europe. It was his job instability that broke us up. We had many fights over this because I told him he should stop pursuing this career and that it would end up putting a strain on our relationship. He didn't listen and when it didn't work out, he was very upset and angry. He later told me he just resented me and he was really upset that he failed me. In the mean time, I was young. I felt that there was someone else out there for me. I moved on emotionally and even though he wanted to get back together I was not "in love" with him. I have the utmost respect for him. It seems like he is the best I'll ever have. What I broke up with him for years ago, it just silly compared to what I go through now.


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