# Rules of Separation - Kids are confused



## Honolulu (Oct 15, 2010)

My husband and I have been having problems since December when in a drug-induced state he accused me of cheating...which is absurd and untrue. Since then he's convinced himself his illusions are reality and has become an emotional abuser. I promised myself to give him time to get over his thoughts as I thought sober he would see the truth. He's been clean for 6 months and no luck. He won't go to talk to anyone and I decided it was time to give up when he progressed to being violent. Just a shove...but I that's enough so I moved out the following weekend.

The problem is now that we are in separate houses, trading the kids weekly, I don't know how to act towards him. I think he may be bipolar or depressed. Some days he is the man I have loved for 18 years but other days he's a mean stranger.

We have a strong physical attraction and too much time together...I lose my willpower. The kids have seen us kissing and they are confused about it all. I am too. How do I stay strong when we are in constant contact with each other due to our 3 kids and all their school & sports events?


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

You need to know what the end-game is.

Are you planning to divorce? Are there steps he needs to take or you need to take?

You certainly can't assure the kids of anything if you don't know yourself.


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## greeneyeddolphin (May 31, 2010)

Well, you have to figure out what you want to do. If you want to divorce him, then you have to stop kissing/hugging/etc him, and act like you're divorcing him. If you think you want to work things out, then you figure out what you need to make that happen, be it counseling or whatever, and you get busy on it. Once you know what you are doing, you explain to the kids what's going on. But while you're wavering between two worlds, you don't know what's going on, and so the kids don't know what's going on.


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## Honolulu (Oct 15, 2010)

Thanks atruckersgirl and Deejo. Two weeks ago, after being with him...I asked him what we were doing. Were we going to go to therapy...were we divorcing? He started in with all the old accusations. Said he can feel it in his gut that I've been unfaithful, even though he has no proof. I was so upset...I cried for hours and grieved for what was and then I just got angry about the whole stupidity of it all. Why did I dedicate my last 18 years to him to be treated like this? No more. 

I've been strong and am keeping my distance. I deserve better. I know that I'm an honest person and I don't need to prove anything to him.

It is actually getting easier as the days go on. I'm not as tempted to reach out and touch him if I keep thinking he's not really the man I married or love anymore. He's the one that changed. I don't know why but that's not my problem to solve.


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