# 50/50 custody with a 5 year old?



## Kermitty (Dec 27, 2012)

Does anyone have experience with doing split custody with a young child. The idea of him bouncing back and forth does not sound healthy. I've read various sources and there is no clear answer. I've made it clear that my soon to be ex can come over anytime to spend time with our son when it's not his night to have him. . I'm also open to slowly transitioning to a split schedule. Has anyone had experience with this type of custody arrangement.
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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

I don't but I can imagine your anxiety, so sorry.

Maybe it would be easier to think of it as similar to dropping him off at grandmas house for a sleep over. Only he'll have daddy with him who knows who his buddies are, what shows he watches.

Unless you have something specific to be concerned about try to let it go and encourage it as something very important for your son.


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## Kermitty (Dec 27, 2012)

Anon Pink said:


> I don't but I can imagine your anxiety, so sorry.
> 
> Maybe it would be easier to think of it as similar to dropping him off at grandmas house for a sleep over. Only he'll have daddy with him who knows who his buddies are, what shows he watches.
> 
> Unless you have something specific to be concerned about try to let it go and encourage it as something very important for your son.


I don't mind the fact that he is with daddy. I want him to see his dad as much as possible but bouncing from house to house every couple of days just seems too much for a five year old. I'm worried he won't feel like either home is his home. Especially with our selling the house where he has grown up this far.
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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Kermitty said:


> I don't mind the fact that he is with daddy. I want him to see his dad as much as possible but bouncing from house to house every couple of days just seems too much for a five year old. I'm worried he won't feel like either home is his home. Especially with our selling the house where he has grown up this far.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


There will be a transition, no doubt, but he'll adjust.

When my older two were kindergarten and 3 rd grade, we moved from a tiny row home into a huge house with a huge back yard and an in ground pool. They both cried! They did adjust.

Each year the kids leave their teacher behind and get ready to start a new school year with new kids in the class and a new teacher. They adjust.

It may take you and your son a few weeks to get into the swing of things, what to take, what to leave, will dad have this toy, will Mom have the other toy. It takes a while to work out the details but they do adjust. At five he is old enough to anticipate his needs for something's and will be able to voice, in some way, the things that matter to him.


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## COGypsy (Aug 12, 2010)

My nephew has been raised pretty much his whole life on a half and half schedule. It's always been a week at mom's and a week at dad's since he was probably pre-school aged. He's in high school now and I would definitely say that he's better adjusted than either of his parents  

Like Anon said, they adjust. And frankly, they have to adjust somehow whether it's an every other weekend visitation plan or every other week custody plan. Every other week worked well for this family because the kid had everything at both houses. Only thinks like winter coats and special toys when he was younger really had to be planned for exchanges because he had a "home" at both places.


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## Mo42 (Jul 25, 2013)

I wouldnt go every other week with a five year old. 7 days is a long time to go with parent and child not seeing each other at all.


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## LIMBOLADY (Aug 26, 2013)

I agree with Mo42. 7 days is too long. We do a 5/5 2/2 split. The kids have adjusted. Actually a lot better than I thought they would. Try to have as many items as possible in both locations. This will make it easier.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

My husband and his ex wife have done a 4/3 split since they separated when their daughter was 5. She's used to it, there is full set up at both homes so only special things need to go between houses.

I pick her up from school Wed afternoons and we take her to her mothers house Saturday around tea time, unless she wants to stay here overnight Sat which she sometimes does, so we then take her to her mothers Sun morning.

We're pretty flexible with her, sometimes she wants extra time with mum, sometimes with dad...it's all about her.

She's 9 now, and has happily adjusted and enjoys a close friendship with me, her stepmum


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

I agree they adjust. The only suggestions I would make would be to have both parents call to say goodnight and keep in touch when with the other parent and tell the kids where they are going. Have a calendar marked with Mom and Dad on each week (preferably at both houses) and show him what day you are on. The night before an exchange remind him he'll be seeing mom/dad the next night. In the morning tell him "tonight you go see dad for a week!" and ask dad to do the same. Kids like to know what's going on and as adults we forget to advise them of where we are going because we don't report to them but they need to know to be comfortable with no surprises.

The other tip I heard is try to have both places similar in appearance. If his room is blue at one house, don't have it yellow at the other house. Try to have the room the same color and if possible the same bed spread. Have the room arranged the same if possible (in relation to the door or window). This is supposed to help them feel comfortable by having things feel familiar always, regardless of the house.


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