# Struggling to take action



## WifeyRes (Mar 19, 2012)

It's be a while since I last posted and things have been uneasy.

Weeks ago on our way to work he started talking about our relationship and sad ugly things to me and I just sat there and kept quiet. then he asked me if I was hurt ? I told him "trust me I'm very much happy" he snapped and started telling me how I do not value our relationship and how I'm using him for his money and how ppl warned him about me. that he doesn't want me anymore, he doesn't love me and thats why my ex cheated on me. ohh and not to forget I'm a blood sucker. he took back the car he bought for me. from that moment I was convinced that he didnt want me and its like my feelings just shut down.

I applied for a new car since the one I had bought for him he broke itand all of a sudden its my car. 
On sunday he came back from church telling me how sorry he is and how the word of God spoke to him. I forgave him again. then I let him drive my new car and he got the bonnet smashed he told me about how some drunk guy reversed onto my car. I kept quiete.

(so recently I decided to take care of me and make me happy for my daughter. Hubby commented about how I dress up nicely these days and my hair dos. )

Days later he tells me he is ready to start a family and I asked him what does he mean cause we already have a family. He explained that he is ready to have another child. So I told him that I'm not planning to have a child with anytime soon (I didnt want to hurt him by telling him I do not plan to have anymore kids with him.)
Later that day I was sleeping( time was around 23:00) I had this weird feeling in my sleep like someone was looking t me and when I woke up he was on my face. He started asking is this how we gonna live? I had no idea what he was on about then I decided to be honest with him about waht I see in him. 
I told him that he wants to change me but he always tells me that he will not change who he is, he says ugly things about me and I listen but he doesn't want me to say anything about him and I told him that this relationship will never work as long as he always blames me for everything and never takes responsibility. He always justifies his actions by saying that I'm the cause of his actions. 

before I could finish he smashed the bed side lamb and said that he was tired of me disrespecting him and he is leaving. I just looked at him and went back to sleep.

He packed and left and came back around 6:30 to pack his remaining stuff the following day. later that day I went out to meet with his family for a braai , he came and left as soon as he saw me. hours later he calls his sister and asks to speak to me (time was around 20:00) then he told me he wanted to speak to me I said okay I dont know when I will be back. He called again ( time around 21:30) and left a messag e with his sister that he is waiting for me.

I left for home and when I got there he had put back all the items he took from the house, he made dinner and he only had an apron on.

I forgave him again I have no idea why I keep doing this to myself, am I feeling sorry for him? 

The thing is after apologising he wants me to just move on as if nothing happened. 

I have been laying a plan to leave him, I applied for a post at work, I will get more that what I'm currently getting then I can move on to the next step which is apply for divorce get a bond and move on.

I'm getting counselling to help me move on.


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## WifeyRes (Mar 19, 2012)

and just yesterday he told me that he felt like I'm not making him my first priority. I wanted to ask him how do I make someone who told mehe wants me out of his life first prioroty but I was scared of his reaction if I were to say this. 

He was speaking in a down tone about how he is changing for the better and about what the word of God says 

How did I not notice the early warning signs? 

:scratchhead::scratchhead:


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

You might not have noticed the early warning signs because people like him are conmen. They know how to put on a face that sucks people into him and traps them.... like bait on a fish hook.

He broke a lamp hear your head. Has he done other violent things?

Perhaps you need an exit plan.. That way you have things you can do daily to move you way from him.


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## WifeyRes (Mar 19, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> You might not have noticed the early warning signs because people like him are conmen. They know how to put on a face that sucks people into him and traps them.... like bait on a fish hook.
> 
> He broke a lamp hear your head. Has he done other violent things?
> 
> Perhaps you need an exit plan.. That way you have things you can do daily to move you way from him.


on his side and it was the only one that was on. I remembered being scared not knowing what he will do.

he went as far as dragging me on the floor when he kicked me out. otherwise he threatens, manipulates and controls.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

OK you are in a seriously abusive relationship.

You have children living in the middle of this. 

Can you find an organization that helps victims of domestic violence near you? they exist in most places.


Do you own the house you are in? 

the next time your husband abuse you... call the police. Call them every time he does... at some point you will be able to have him removed from the house and have a restraining order.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

You are being abused, I agree with EleGirl. Continue with your plan to get out, and do it no matter what comes up.


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