# Married with kids, but want my ex



## josh215 (Feb 14, 2012)

So here is the background on my story. Sorry for being long-winded. 

Dated an amazing girl (let’s call her Julie) during my late twenties for 3 years and was certain it was the person I was going to marry and grow old with. We were perfect together and the relationship was simply amazing on all levels. Never had any problems and it was always a happy time. I had to go away for one year to study a course overseas and during that time Julie kind of had a mini-breakdown and she broke up with me. I was distraught and just couldn’t understand what she was going through (her parents got divorced as well which might have had something to do with it), but tried to move on as best I could. When I returned home again after that year, we stayed in touch and the fact that she had started dating another guy made it a little easier for me to move on. About a year later, I started to date another woman (let’s call her Heather) and this is where I believe my life took a turn that I am now regretting. 

Now although Heather was a good person and a beautiful smart woman, the relationship was never easy. We fought a lot and were on and off a few different times. I couldn’t really pinpoint it, but I just wasn’t as much fun around her as I was with Julie. Maybe it’s because she was just a more serious type, but it really bothered me and I felt that I was being held back. Despite this I continued the relationship because I did love her and told myself that I need to grow up as I found a great woman with good values.

At the same time, Julie had broken up with her new boyfriend and begged me to come back. She knew she had made a terrible mistake and did everything she could to convince me that she would stand by me forever. I was very tempted, but was into my new relationship with Heather and wanted to give it a fair chance. I ended up marrying Heather. 

So I have now been married to Heather for 5 years. We have one amazing daughter and a son the way. Now while my marriage has been good, it has not been amazing. From the day I proposed, I thought deep down that I am marrying the wrong woman, but was in too deep to turn back. I think that was my big mistake. I constantly am thinking about Julie and how my life would be if I had married her instead. We secretly get in touch from time to time and every time, we have to stop as it is too painful for both of us. She still loves me unconditionally and is not shy about stating it. And I know I still love her, but try and hold back as best I can given my situation. She is living with a man, but has refused to get married as she still trying to deal with losing me. I was her life she says and recovering from it is still taking toll on her. She would gladly take me back if I were to be in a situation where I could. 

This is where I need advice. My thoughts for her have never gone away and recently intensified to the point where every day I am thinking about how my life would have been better married to Julie. It’s not that there are any major issues with my current marriage to Heather, it’s just that I don’t have the same feeling for her as I do Julie. The intensity of these thoughts fluctuate, but they never go away. 

Am I being stupid here and suffering from “grass is greener on the other side” type thing? I know all marriages lose that luster over time, but mine never had the one I shared with Julie and I truly believe that the luster would not have faded to any great degree if I was with her. I know I am being unfair to my wife and kids, but cannot change how I feel. I am seriously considering various options to be with her. Whether it be a full-on divorce from my wife…which is highly unlikely given that I have a kid on the way. Or maybe some secret meetings once or twice a year although this is not ideal as it would only make things even harder once back to reality. Or I could wait until the kids are older and then divorce. Or do I just suck it up?

I know some will think I am being selfish here and that I have a good family and I should stick with them as that was the choice I made. But do I just commit to a life of mediocrity when I am fairly certain I could have one that is much more fulfilling and happy. I am starting to spew rubbish here which shows how confused I am. I miss my ex terribly and don’t know what to do. Please…any advice much appreciated.


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

You are making a horrible mistake and it is devestating to your children, who are going to bear incredible harm due to your selfish thoughts. Your children are innocent and do not deserve such tragedy in their lives.

You are in control of your thoughts and if your life is one of medicrity it is becuase you choose daily to make it so. Any person can fixate on an old lover just as any person can fixate on going all in mentally, emotionally and physically with the person they chose. You act like this is all beyond your control when the fact is it is totally in your control. 

You benefit in some way by living and thinking this way (i.e. the grass is greener). The discovery you have to make is why are you doing this? Is it fear of success? Did your parents do something to you as a child? There is a specific reason that you are fixating on a past lover while having children with your wife and it has nothing to do with the quality of this other person. It is something you are are personally protecting youself from.


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## ScaredandUnsure (Nov 17, 2011)

I feel so very sorry for your wife and your kids. You're a very selfish man.


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## Halien (Feb 20, 2011)

Believe me, in situations like this, I don't think that any reply can really help you to change your mind. Time will, though, if you let it, and challenge yourself to grow as a man.

It was more of a low key, fond remembrance, but I would sometimes look back on a former girlfriend, a soulmate I thought at one time, and wonder if I had made a mistake by letting her out of my life. She accepted me no matter what, and said that we were meant to be together forever. She was always happy, supportive, and a finalist in our state beauty contest to boot.

Its funny how easy it is to remember those parts of the past, and how insignificant the issues between us now felt.

Guess what? If I had married her, I'd still have to accept that there is no such thing as a perfect relationship. Sad as it was, in my absence, this former girlfriend could not resist the attentions of another guy like me, if one ever came along. A guy with a troubled past, who no longer wanted to be known as a trouble maker. She liked the romance of being with someone like me, but my wife chose me. This other woman has been through a marriage with a very wealthy man, divorced, and still sends occasional christmas cards for the whole family. I still maintain that I made the right decision, based on what I know of her.

Julie had this mini-breakdown. At some point, I think you really need to dwell on what happened, and the signals that it sent to you at the time. Mini-breakdowns are usually only a symptom of a much bigger problem. If she had half the feelings for you as you have for her, nothing other than a serious problem would've kept her from breaking up. Her later apology might have been sincere, but you can probably expect small samples of this same breakdown, pushing away, and hopeful reconciliation when the marriage gets stale after seven years. If this isn't the case, something will cause the marriage to lose fervor over time, because it is our human nature.

The only absolute in any of this is your determination to work your butt off to make the marriage strong, and turn it into a real legacy. You can even choose to do this with the woman who gave the rest of her life to you already. It is a choice that belongs within the realm of mature, stable men. After making this choice to face it realistically, asking if you have done everything you can, you may still decide that this marriage will not work. But you need to be realistic about what you might be getting into on the other side of the fence.


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## synthetic (Jan 5, 2012)

Neither Heather or Julie have anything to do with how you feel. You have major internal conflict that is triggered by Julie's presence in your life. In simple words,YOU are NOT being YOU.

The real you would never even find himself in this situation with a baby coming soon.


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## sigma1299 (May 26, 2011)

First, let me implore you as some on who has had an affair, do not perpetuate or escalate your affair. Yes, you are having an affair already, it doesn't sound like you've done much concrete with it, but your heart is divided. Cheating is not an option. You think you are tortured and in turmoil now? You have no idea of torture and torment. The prices of an affair defy explanation, please take my word for it, it's something you want no part of. 

As for your dilemma, your choice is really fairly simple. Get your heart in to your marriage or get your ass out. Easier said than done I know but it's no more complicated than that. You cannot have your cake and eat it to. You cannot have Julie without crushing heather, even if you decide to have a full on affair, this is true. 

In the end you will tell one, or both, women goodbye. It is unavoidable. The question is how will you behave, what kind of man will you be in getting to that point?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Coldfeet (Feb 14, 2012)

It sounds like you are suffering from the grass is greener syndrome. I've been there too and I can tell you for certain, the grass is NOT greener and there would be issues with Julie at some point. It is really hard to deal with the "what might have been" questions, but at some point, you have to make the effort to let them go. 

You made a committment to your wife and your family. Everyone gets hurt when you bring a third party into the picture, so I would suggest you focus on your wife and the good things that you do have and let Julie go.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

*We secretly get in touch from time to time and every time, we have to stop as it is too painful for both of us. She still loves me unconditionally and is not shy about stating it*

You are having an affair right now. Stop it.



synthetic said:


> Neither Heather or Julie have anything to do with how you feel. You have major internal conflict that is triggered by Julie's presence in your life. In simple words,YOU are NOT being YOU.


:iagree: And as long as you stay in touch with Julie, the ex girlfriend who also in a serious, committed, live-in relationship wtih her boyfriend, the worse for you and especially your pregnant wife and marriage.



sigma1299 said:


> As for your dilemma, your choice is really fairly simple. Get your heart in to your marriage or get your ass out.
> 
> In the end you will tell one, or both, women goodbye. It is unavoidable.


Great post. This says it all.


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## Gratitude (Feb 12, 2012)

The point of all this is you are in love with another woman, and considering an affair or leaving her whilst not only do you have a child, but your wife is pregnant.

I'm sure your wife must have some idea about this other woman. 

Should you see this other woman behind your wifes back? Don't be ridiculous. Who here is going to say 'yes, wonderful idea!' Should you stay? Not if you're not in love with her. If you stay out of a sense of obligation you will only end up making her life a misery and cheating eventually anyway.

However, she is pregnant. With your child. Whatever you decide to do, please keep this is mind if/when you leave/cheat - it's going to be devastating to her. I know you have happy visions of running off into the sunset with this other woman but before you do, take a moment to think about the wife, child and the unborn baby you are leaving behind. Think about how this will affect them. Not to guilt you into staying - but so you are aware that in this situation there's more involved than just you and your feelings and try to have some empathy.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

josh215 said:


> So here is the background on my story. Sorry for being long-winded.
> 
> Dated an amazing girl (let’s call her Julie) during my late twenties for 3 years and was certain it was the person I was going to marry and grow old with. We were perfect together and the relationship was simply amazing on all levels. Never had any problems and it was always a happy time. I had to go away for one year to study a course overseas and during that time Julie kind of had a mini-breakdown and she broke up with me. I was distraught and just couldn’t understand what she was going through (her parents got divorced as well which might have had something to do with it), but tried to move on as best I could. When I returned home again after that year, we stayed in touch and the fact that she had started dating another guy made it a little easier for me to move on. About a year later, I started to date another woman (let’s call her Heather) and this is where I believe my life took a turn that I am now regretting.
> 
> ...


"Some men are born mediocre, some men achieve mediocrity, and some men have mediocrity thrust upon them. -- Heller, Joseph. Catch-22, Simon and Schuster, 1955"

Life is what you make it my friend. This is largely mental. You program yourself. Yes program to be in love with your wife. Thinking about someone else is literally programming your self out of love with your wife. What you are doing is fantasizing. Be in the now. Make what you are doing now great and not mediocre.

Stop being unfaithful. You have children and your wife is pregnant. Man up. You are acting like a 15 year old girl. Sorry dude. Pitifull. I hope your post is not a serious one. If I was your best friend I would kick your butt and knock some sense into you. You have it good. Stop being a diva.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Julie sounds unstable.. What kind of fun did you have with her. A little crazy, adventuous, maybe a little danger thrown in. Intoxicating with a flighty girl who kepted you on edge maybe. . 

Was she ever calm and steady, the type of person that you can build a life and family with? The fact that she could not wait one year for you when she was so much in love but she is willing to wait years now seems unusual don't you think. 

Maybe her breakdown was a portent of greater mental problems. Many people have parents who divorce and don't breakdown. What was the nature of the breakdown? 

Julie is the type of woman who cheats, is selfish and deceptive. This is a woman you team up with against the innocent souls of your wife and kids. Who is looking out for them while you are busy daydreaming? 

Don't be foolish. Don't you think it is time to grow up and be a man who is honest, responsible? You have what many would die for 1.5 kids with a wife who loves you even though she sees your worts. This Julie will dump you as soon as you get a divorce just like she did before.


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## RClawson (Sep 19, 2011)

Josh,

I believe you have been given some powerful advice and criticism here. I hope it gets through. I also think this has the potential to be a very messy situation even if you do not leave your wife. Julie seems unstable and I hope you have identified this as a recurring response.

Lock your heart Josh. It sounds a bit silly but it needs to be done. Not sure how to get it started? First recognize that "feelings" are fickle. You are not thinking straight. 

My gut tells me you are heading for a world of major disappointment and turmoil if you leave. Quit thinking about yourself and just "love" Heather. Remember love is a verb. I suggest you drop the chit chat with your distraction and pour your heart and soul into serving your pregnant wife and child. If you really detach and do this I have every confidence you will have a great life without your former GF.


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## sigma1299 (May 26, 2011)

So Josh - what's it to be? Do you hear what we are saying to you? Or, will you be another one post wonder who didn't hear what they wanted and sticks their head back in the sand because they can't stand to face the situation. 

I get sticking your head back in the sand - did quite a lot of it myself. The thing is -every day this continues on - the harder it will be to resolve. Every day you're not getting out of this hole you are digging yourself deeper in.


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## Dexter Morgan (Dec 8, 2011)

josh215 said:


> So I have now been married to Heather for 5 years. We have one amazing daughter and a son the way. Now while my marriage has been good, it has not been amazing.


Oh god, here we go. Another person that isn't going to be satisfied being with the same person for long. New and exciting opportunity for sex with someone else comes along, and you think the grass is greener on the other side.




> From the day I proposed, I thought deep down that I am marrying the wrong woman, but was in too deep to turn back.


Bulls*** and onions. You don't propose to someone you think is the wrong woman. Either you wanted her or you didn't. Now its all moot as you can't change the past there, but don't try to tell us there was no turning back if you realized this when you went to propose.




> I think that was my big mistake. I constantly am thinking about Julie and how my life would be if I had married her instead. We secretly get in touch from time to time and every time, we have to stop as it is too painful for both of us. She still loves me unconditionally and is not shy about stating it. And I know I still love her, but try and hold back as best I can given my situation. She is living with a man, but has refused to get married as she still trying to deal with losing me.


So you are an emotionally unfaithful person as is she. 

You both should set your SO's free from you. Don't waste any more of their time on this earth that they could be using to find someone who loves them. Then you and this other woman can do whatever you want without further hurting them or wasting any more of their time.




> This is where I need advice. My thoughts for her have never gone away and recently intensified to the point where every day I am thinking about how my life would have been better married to Julie.


So do it. Pay your child support, and make it right with your wife in a divorce.




> It’s not that there are any major issues with my current marriage to Heather, it’s just that I don’t have the same feeling for her as I do Julie. The intensity of these thoughts fluctuate, but they never go away.
> 
> Am I being stupid here and suffering from “grass is greener on the other side” type thing?


I think so, and I think with Julie, or any other woman you just might be the type where the 7 year itch is too much to handle and you'll need to scratch sooner or later.

But really, I'm concerned about your wife and Julie's current man. The deserve better than to be with someone that will always pine for someone else.




> I know I am being unfair to my wife and kids, but cannot change how I feel.


Then that statement says it all. Set your wife free.




> I am seriously considering various options to be with her. Whether it be a full-on divorce from my wife…which is highly unlikely given that I have a kid on the way. Or maybe some secret meetings once or twice a year although this is not ideal as it would only make things even harder once back to reality.


:scratchhead: And somehow you think anyone in their right mind here is going to tell you that you should further F over your wife by entering a physical affair with this Julie?




> Or I could wait until the kids are older and then divorce.


Oh thats real nice. Waste 15 to 18 more years of this woman's life only to dump her later. What kind of man are you?




> Or do I just suck it up?



Nope, it still isn't going to be fair to your wife. You've listed every option OTHER THAN trying to spark a fire with your wife.

So seeing as how you are obviously not interested in that, divorce your wife. Let her find someone that will love her.


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## clenzemary (Feb 12, 2012)

Life is made up of choices, we need to make up our mind on exactly what we want and learn to stay by it.I am going to tell you the truth possible in the hard way because that to me is what I owe you in the present circumstance.
A lady who can not wait for you for one year can never wait for you for one year and a month,not to mention for five(5), ten(10),Twenty or more years as expected in marriage.Your secretly getting in touch with Julie from time to time despite openly accepting that you do not have any major issue against your wife(Heather) is an indication that you are consciously chaining yourself to the past and refusing to let go..You need to meditate deeply and tell yourself the truth..What on earth gives you the assurance that if you were married to Julie your future would be as rosy as you think.Have you ever wondered why the saying ''Women are surplus yet wives are scarce / men are surplus yet husbands are scare'' As you have also admitted, you are being cruel to your wife and children. In case someone has not told you,there is always a ripple effect. The shocking aspect is that it does not stop with one generation alone, it goes through the son (in such marriage) to his future wife and their children, Then through the daughter(in such marriage) to her future husband and their children....and on and on. The chain could indeed be endless.Come to think of it..Are you sure your wife does not have ex-boyfriends that may be dying to re-establish their ''first love'' relationship with her if given the opportunity?....I wonder how you would feel as a man to suddenly discover that.Wake up Man!!! ''marriage is a serious business''
Lastly,''it is when a man / woman wakes that his / her day begins-this does not how ever stop the clock from ticking away''.Why??..Time waits for no one.


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## oneandonly2 (Feb 8, 2012)

josh... i too am struggling with the thoughts of going back to an ex that i consider my true love. i believe all of the advice you have received, while may be genuine and fair, has been too harsh. 

you are struggling with emotion and feelings. i have chosen to explore those feelings and see if they are true. you only get to live your life once. sometimes you have to listen to your heart.


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## sigma1299 (May 26, 2011)

Harsh - yea some of it is but what can you expect when you come to a marriage site and profess to be contemplating an affair?



oneandonly2 said:


> you are struggling with emotion and feelings. i have chosen to explore those feelings and see if they are true.


The problem with this? You cannot possible give your marriage an honest evaluation while there is another person you have feelings for - you - nor anyone else can do it. You are asking your spouse to compete against a wish, a memory. Not an apples to apples comparison and if you are honest with yourself you know it.




oneandonly2 said:


> you only get to live your life once. sometimes you have to listen to your heart.


The age old mantra of the cheater. "I cannot deny my hearts desire..." You know what? You have a heart, a head, and hopefully a conscious - to listen to only one is foolhardy and choosing to listen only to the voice that is telling you what you want to hear. Before you blow me off - remember - I'm a cheater myself. I've been down this same road - it leads no where good.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

You've never gotten over julie because you never actually let go, you prolonged your emotional relationship with her, and over the course of your courtship with your W you've turned it into an affair. When you broke it off with her you should have let her go instead you used your W to fill the physical void left in her wake and have used the fantasy version of julie in your head, kept alive with the regular contact you've had with her over the years. Nobody has realized just how much damage your decision to withold yourself from a real relationship has caused except now the problem for you is "starting" to rear its head. Everyone, especially your W is in for a world of hurt and it is inescapable now, all you have done is deferrered and prolonged the suffering your W has endured and is about to become a whole lot more.

So what is the right thing for you to do now? I guarantee it is not the easy thing. You need to tell your W the entire truth so she can choose what she wants to do, if she blindly forgives and tries to sweep it under the rug please do not oblige her for your guilt, if you are given the gift of R from your W then choose for yourself if you can live up to what that means for you: giving up all contact with julie forever, becoming an open book, doing a lot of work to earn her trust back, going to IC to deal with all the change that will need to take place in you to make your marriage work. Most on here will tell you to leave because you are incapable of being worthy of your W, I think they are probably right, but if you are genuine and determined, once you get over your very long term affair you may have it in you to fix the marriage and it will be worth it.

If your W wisely chooses to let you go, then you can pursue your fantasy relationship with your old ex, bewarned you are seeing the grass greener, and when reality sets in it probably won't work out (something like 97% of the time it never does). Do not harass your W she has done nothing wrong, any criticisms you have over her shortcomings have no credibility because you weren't fulfilling your end of the marriage contract first.


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## ScaredandUnsure (Nov 17, 2011)

I don't think it's harsh.

What I think is harsh is to waste someones life when you know your not in love with them or don't want to be with them, but are more than willing to wait out another 15-20 years. Do them a favor and hit the road, and let them find someone who WANTS them. Not someone who uses them for a stepping stone to a "better, greener" life. 

So man up (woman up) and leave and take the risk with this oh so wonderful person, who will probably leave you shortly after.


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## MSP (Feb 9, 2012)

josh215 said:


> Am I being stupid here and suffering from “grass is greener on the other side” type thing?


You know which grass is truly greener? The grass you water.



josh215 said:


> I ended up marrying Heather.
> 
> So I have now been married to Heather for 5 years. We have one amazing daughter and a son the way. Now while my marriage has been good, it has not been amazing. From the day I proposed, I thought deep down that I am marrying the wrong woman, but was in too deep to turn back.


Your language indicates a very passive attitude, like life kind of happens to you and you go along with it. Take charge of your life, make positive changes, and stick with your responsibilities.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

ScaredandUnsure said:


> I feel so very sorry for your wife and your kids. You're a very selfish man.


I agree. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## clenzemary (Feb 12, 2012)

''you only get to live your life once.......''
This definitely is true , however you owe yourself (if nothing else') the duty of leading a glorious life, which in itself would not hurt or trample on the feelings of others.


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## josh215 (Feb 14, 2012)

Wow...didn't think that many people read these things. Well first off, thank you for the response. It is a great help and exactly what I needed. 

No problem with getting harsh responses as I know that what I am doing and thinking is repulsive to say the least. And my wife and kids certainly do not deserve that. So I accept full responsibility for my actions. Call me whatever you must. 

To be fair...although I said divorce is an option...I threw it out there more as a hypothetical to see what others thought or if anyone has done the same. It is not something I would ever truly consider in this situation. As for the secret conversations and potenital meet-ups...I agree that it would only escalate things so as temptimg as it is, I will not go this direction. I will try to completley cut this woman out of my life. It will be hard to do given that I know she is there feeling the same and constantly in my thoughts, but I am with most of you in that it is the right thing to do. And I am sure with time...it should get easier. 

Don't get me wrong from my post...I love my wife and adore my kid. I am just going through an extremely difficult time with trying to get this woman out of my mind. I appreciate the support...harsh as it was...but exactly what I need to push my in the right direction. I have a fantastic life and would hate to screw it up and hurt others I care about along the way. Hopefully, I am strong enough of a man to do what I am saying. Again...thank you.


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## Mistys dad (Dec 2, 2011)

Option 1

Crazy ex girlfriend is living with and banging some other guy. During those activities she is selfishly contacting a married man with a child. Once she secures him, she will dump the live-in and move over to the married man, divorce will be required. Once the crazy kicks back in, she will dump you and go back to the live-in (who she will be secretly contact while with you)

Option 2

Faithful wife, that has provided you a stable home and a child. She is now carrying your second child.

Yes, I can see why that would be a tough choice.:scratchhead:


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## sigma1299 (May 26, 2011)

Josh - to do this you will have to go complete no contact with Julie. When Julie tries to contact you, you will have to ignore her. Steel yourself - it's harder than you think. Close the door and do not reopen it - no matter what. Pour yourself and all that emotion into your wife.


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## DocHoliday (Jan 19, 2012)

Dude-
Seriously, time for you to get some independant counseling. DO NOT tell your preggers wife about your infidelity issues, (what you are engagin in is an affair, do not kid yourself) but you really need to man up and figure out where your hearts desire is.

Be a good husband, or be a good ender. Learn the difference.

We can't tell you if this is a phase or not, only YOU can decide that.


If you can not do this alone (obviously from your post), your wife DESERVES to have the truth about her life..
better now than 15 years from now.


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## isla~mama (Feb 1, 2012)

I don't know what advice I can give, but if I were the heather in your story I would not want you to stay with me out of pity and obligation. If my husband were secretly in love with an ex, and not in love with me, I would tell him to go to her (or at least, not to stick around because he felt obligated). You might think you're in too deep now but how deep will you be in another 5 years? In 20 years? Divorce is going to be brutal no matter how you turn it, I don't see there being "good" age for your kids for you to leave their mom. So either suck it up and resign yourself to a life of complacency (lots of people do it) or be true to yourself and leave. Sneaking around on the side won't solve anything and would probably just make you more miserable, from the sound of it.


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## Mistys dad (Dec 2, 2011)

It's a universal rule.

All Ex's are beautiful, talented, sexual dynamos, that live only to make your fantasies come true.

The only time they aren't dressed like a Victoria's Secret models is when they are stunningly naked and about to do something wild, kinky and breathtaking.

They always treated you better than any other person you have ever met.

and their farts smell like warm toll-house cookies.:woohoo:

But wives, that's different. They just wear old tee shirts, never want to fool around, and kind of smell like baby puke sometimes.:sleeping:


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## DocHoliday (Jan 19, 2012)

Hey, MD;

That's a new one for me, but if you say so....


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## Mistys dad (Dec 2, 2011)

Put a sarcasm filter on.


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## SprucHub (Jan 13, 2012)

There are a lot of mean comments - well deserved. People make mistakes. The mistake is not being honest. You were in a hole and dug it much deeper by having children when you weren't sure you loved your wife. There is no way to dig out, but you should not be with someone you do not love - it is not fair to them. It is stealing their time and effort. So, you are a jerk for your past behavior. Live with that on your conscience and move on. Do not neglect your children!!! They, not you or your wife come first.


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## sigma1299 (May 26, 2011)

Mistys dad said:


> It's a universal rule.
> 
> All Ex's are beautiful, talented, sexual dynamos, that live only to make your fantasies come true.
> 
> ...


LMAO - that's hilarious.


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## mikeydread1982 (Oct 7, 2011)

man, some people just don't get sarcasm.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Josh since you said you will find it difficult to forget this woman who appears to be there for you. 

You may be wasting your thought on a person who is actually not worth thinking about. You avoided answering questions. You don't want reality to mess with your fantasy? 

Answer this - why could she not wait for you a relatively short period of 1 yr? What kind of breakdown did she have? How stable is she now? 

This guy she lives with - she does not love him obviously and plans to dump him if you rescue her. She staying with him for convenience. That is cold, no? 

She is willing to disrupt your family, indicating that she lacks the moral fiber to resist doing something to disrupt the life of your children. 

How really stable is she? 

I think that you are thinking about this now because of your increased responsibilities as a father and husband. 

Everyone has doubts about their ability to meet their responsibilities. It's nice to daydream about an escape.

What kind of man are you, what kind of person? Maybe you are more like Julie and you two diserve each other. 

Your wife someone who loves, values her and cherishes her. With you out of the picture she will find someone who recognizes her value and the value of two precious kids. 

Women like Julie come a dime a dozen. But maybe you like common and not rare.


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

josh215 said:


> Wow...didn't think that many people read these things. Well first off, thank you for the response. It is a great help and exactly what I needed.
> 
> No problem with getting harsh responses as I know that what I am doing and thinking is repulsive to say the least. And my wife and kids certainly do not deserve that. So I accept full responsibility for my actions. Call me whatever you must.
> 
> ...


My normal style is quite harsh, so I will deviate from it and let you know in simple terms what life would be like with Julie. 
She dumped you years ago when times got tough and then moved on to another guy and you with another woman. Once she realized you had moved on, she suddenly wanted you back. You said no and married your wife. Unable to handle that and that that ship had sailed, she is now actively working towards destroying your marriage and your family. She wants to replace your wife, the mother of your young child and unborn. She is doing all this while having a boyfriend as Plan B in case her efforts of marital destruction don't work. She then uses mental hostage taking by telling you she will never marry....unless it's you, thereby making you feel guilty for her happiness. 
Do you really think that if the two of you got together that she wouldn't continue to behavior afterwards? She sounds like an unstable person who craves attention at all costs and "hedges her bets" to get it. If she did "get" you, it would quickly get stale and boring and she would move on to somebody else. The thrill is in the chase, consequences be damned.
Does this sound like the kind of woman you want to blow up your life for? Is this the happy ending you envision because I can guarantee you that this is exactly how it will pan out. I have known plenty of "Julie's" and the one common denominator they have is complete and utter selfishness. They want what they want and they want it now and they don't care who they hurt. 
If Julie really cared about you, she would leave you and your family alone. She would want the world for you and look out for your best interests. Instead she is poaching you, tearing Daddy away from a child and orchestrating the complete abandonment of a pregnant woman who did nothing to deserve this. 
I haven't touched on what she is doing to her boyfriend. She is keeping him waiting in the wings. He is probably beating his head on the wall wondering what is going on as he chases his tail trying to do anything to get her fully engaged in the relationship. Again, does this sound like the kind of woman you want to throw your life away for? 
She is poison.


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## sigma1299 (May 26, 2011)

Wow TRBE - that was really restrained. You really got reformed during your vacation. 

Cute shoes btw...


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## The_Good_Wife (Jan 13, 2012)

Julie is a **beach**. Forget abt her and stop any contact with her. Either give ur wife and children all the love and respect they deserve, or get out now and go marry that unstable selfish woman who will divorce you the next time she goes through a breakdown.


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

sigma1299 said:


> Wow TRBE - that was really restrained. You really got reformed during your vacation.
> 
> Cute shoes btw...


He needs to see the reality of what will happen, not get clubbed over the head. The reality is that if he continues down this path, the destruction will be epic and he will end up all alone. 
If he cannot pull his head out of his butt, SOON, then he needs to let his wife know and do the fair and right thing. She doesn't deserve to be in a marriage where she is an option, not a choice. She also doesn't deserve to be in a marriage where loyalties lay with some other woman. He needs to seriously see this for what it is: A robber coming in to your house to steal everything you hold near and dear to your heart. If a criminal were in his house, would he run away? No. That is however exactly what is happening here though. This woman is stealing from his house and sadly....he is helping her to the loot.


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## sigma1299 (May 26, 2011)

Therealbrighteyes said:


> He needs to see the reality of what will happen, not get clubbed over the head. The reality is that if he continues down this path, the destruction will be epic and he will end up all alone.
> If he cannot pull his head out of his butt, SOON, then he needs to let his wife know and do the fair and right thing. She doesn't deserve to be in a marriage where she is an option, not a choice. She also doesn't deserve to be in a marriage where loyalties lay with some other woman. He needs to seriously see this for what it is: A robber coming in to your house to steal everything you hold near and dear to your heart. If a criminal were in his house, would he run away? No. That is however exactly what is happening here though. This woman is stealing from his house and sadly....he is helping her to the loot.


Oh I agree wholeheartedly - I've been on him to. Just more accustomed to a pointier sword from you. I'm just giving you a hard time.


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## The Gottman Institute (Feb 7, 2012)

Things aren't always as they appear.. especially when it comes to relationships. However you imagine things being with your ex, it's not going to be like that. You can learn this the hard way or the easy way.


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## vampire (Feb 16, 2012)

look your happiness is also important.
listen to your heart
if you are not happy in your marriage then its no use staying in it.
ultimately children of unhappy parents become rebellious and.
i have faced this because my parents stayed for me and my brother but never loved each other and the result was disastrous.


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