# Importance of Dads



## bbdad

I compete in a very selfish sport - bodybuilding. I just finished a 20 week prep and contest. During that time, I was very busy with work and spending a lot of time in the gym doing weight training and cardio. I was noticing that we were having issues with both of our girls.

Since the show has been done, I have been able to spend a lot more time with the kids and the changes in behavior is amazing. Kids really do spell love T-I-M-E. It seems that today's culture likes to downplay the importance of fathers in their kids lives. I see regularly how being involved in my kids life just totally changes their behavior for the better. Even during my prep time, I was always available and would take them to school. However, I wasn't really present. My mind was either on work or what I had to get done at the gym or what I was supposed to be eating.

But, since having more free time and spending time with them, the attitudes have just been amazingly different. I am there to get them up in the morning. We interact and have a nice discussion over breakfast. It is amazing what you can learn from a 5 year old. Also, it is amazing what an almost teen girl will tell you about her life when you are actually listening. Instead of just taking them to their activities, I ask them how it was, what they learned today, what was hard, what was easy...just simple questions, but they get so engaged in that little bit of conversation.

They have been craving time with Dad, but didn't know how to ask, or were afraid I would say I was too busy - I assume. But, now that I can spend more time, our lives are changing so much for the better.

I will continue to exercise and live a healthy lifestyle, but I am going to retire from competing in body building until my kids are out of the house. The next few years are going to be critical in my oldest one's life. I don't want anything to take me away from that.

All this is just meant to say that I hope the dads out there can realize how vitally important they are to their girl's lives. I hope you can find a way to get involved with just listening to them.

I hope everyone has a very Merry Christmas!! Let's try to make 2015 the year that we take time for ourselves AND time with our kids to let them know they are not alone in this crazy life we lead in today's culture.


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## Anonymous07

Dads are extremely important in a child's life. 

I saw this post online not long ago and loved it, so I figure I should share it here:

21 Photos That Depict True Modern Fatherhood | Doyin Richards


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## SimplyAmorous

My husband is a more "hands on" Dad than I am a Mom...sometimes I feel guilty.. It's very important.. so nice to see a thread like this...




























In the Living Years .......................Butterfly Kisses 

 Arms Wide Open ..........................Daddy's hands 

That's my Job..............................Dance with my father again


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## jerry123

They are extremely important, especially to a boy. 

My parents divorced when I was 5. Still remember sitting in living room and my mom and dad coming in and my mom saying "Dad is leaving for a little while". I was like ok, see you daddy. Not understanding he was moving out. And they were getting a divorce. 

Did not see him much after that. Maybe once a month. He died of lung cancer at 46. 

I grew up with just women around me. 2 sisters and my mom. Boy did that screw me up. I was turned into a beta dude with only women to guide me. 

Of course that's all changed now.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Holland

bbdad said:


> I compete in a very selfish sport - bodybuilding. I just finished a 20 week prep and contest. During that time, I was very busy with work and spending a lot of time in the gym doing weight training and cardio. I was noticing that we were having issues with both of our girls.
> 
> Since the show has been done, I have been able to spend a lot more time with the kids and the changes in behavior is amazing. Kids really do spell love T-I-M-E. * It seems that today's culture likes to downplay the importance of fathers in their kids lives.* .......


Actually i would say the opposite is true. The days where it was mainly the dad out of the house working and mum was at home are fast disappearing. We have a great mix of SAHM, SAHD, work out of home parents and work at home parents. I see as many dads at school pick up as mums, same at all the kids activities. I see dads everywhere with their kids, taking them to sports, outings, even at the local immunisation centre there are equal number of mums and dads taking their kids.

I am mid life and my dad is still in my top tier of most important people in the world to me. 

My ex and I do 50/50 shared care which is very common these days unlike past generations post divorce. 

There are endless books and articles about fathering and the importance of male role models in kids lives.

I just do not witness any evidence of what you are saying, it is not true where I live and with the people I know.


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## bbdad

> I just do not witness any evidence of what you are saying, it is not true where I live and with the people I know.


Watch TV or any other things in the media. The father is typically played as a bumbling idiot and the mother is the sound of reason in the family. Feminists teach that a man is not needed in the home. Look at divorce courts, the mother gets primary custody a large percentage of the time.

That is why I stated our society downplays the importance of the father.


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## Blossom Leigh

I am so glad you posted this as I do feel it is deeply important and is one of the reasons I fought so hard to keep our family together. We have to pay attention to how much we are emotionally available in our house to each other because when we are too distracted it affects all of us. I too have found that when I engage our son in conversation with simple questions and just sit back in silence and let him spill his heart, I learn a lot about him and he enjoys sharing his world. 

Good for you bbdad... great life choice.


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## FrenchFry

I don't see this downplaying of fathers in my life either--and you control what media you watch. One of my favorite shows has a family with two dads.  

We have a great schedule now where my son gets an awesome amount of dad time and mom time and all of us together time. I think that this is one of the best things about living right now--my husband doesn't have to spend all of his time at work and miss out on his kids childhood. He gets to be here and it's clearly such a great thing in our kids life.

I'm happy that the good dad standard has changed from "making sure a roof exists" to spending meaningful time with the kids. 
I'm glad you see this as well.


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## FrenchFry

Anonymous07 said:


> Dads are extremely important in a child's life.
> 
> I saw this post online not long ago and loved it, so I figure I should share it here:
> 
> 21 Photos That Depict True Modern FatherhoodÂ*|Â*Doyin Richards


I'm sick and pumped full of drugs...COME ON DON'T MAKE ME CRY.


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## Anonymous07

bbdad said:


> Watch TV or any other things in the media. The father is typically played as a bumbling idiot and the mother is the sound of reason in the family.  Feminists teach that a man is not needed in the home. Look at divorce courts, the mother gets primary custody a large percentage of the time.
> 
> That is why I stated our society downplays the importance of the father.


The media/tv shows don't represent society as a whole. They're just looking for stories and publicity. Feminists also don't teach women that children don't need men. Feminists only want equality in many areas that are not equal. As for divorce, at least where I live, it's 50/50 a majority of the time. Women are not automatically given custody. 

I'm glad to hear you are making your kids a priority. They will definitely appreciate that. 



FrenchFry said:


> I'm sick and pumped full of drugs...COME ON DON'T MAKE ME CRY.


Then don't ever watch the videos by Boba baby carrier called "You Made Me a Mother" and/or "You Made Me a Father". I cry every single time. Hope you're doing well.


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## coffee4me

FrenchFry said:


> I'm happy that the good dad standard has changed from "making sure a roof exists" to spending meaningful time with the kids.
> I'm glad you see this as well.


bbdad, I get what you are saying and I agree with you. 

I see the downplaying of dads in statements like the above. I don't think the good dad standard has changed from providing for your kids to spending time with them. I think the standard is doing both and always has been. 

I see a lot of this line of thinking in our culture "he works too much". When did a being a hard working man become a bad thing? When did it also become synonymous with not caring or being present for your family? 

But the working mom, she's a hero. She is doing what she has to do. She is not accused of being a bad parent because she works, she's strong and amazing for being a parent and working.


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## coffee4me

bbdad I liked your post about the importance of having a dad. 1/3 of American kids grow up on houses without a dad and statically they do not manage life as well without a fathers influence. 

That coming from the woman raising her kids minus their dad.

I'm fortunate to have a son who very much understands the importance of having a father for his younger sister. He is doing an amazing job.


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## Thundarr

Fathers have much more impact than previous generations were aware of. Even biological things we'd never have thought of. 

The Importance of Fathers | Psychology Today


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## FrenchFry

:rofl: if you think the working mom gets the hero treatment. Mom wars are horrible, really. 



> I see the downplaying of dads in statements like the above. I don't think the good dad standard has changed from providing for your kids to spending time with them. I think the standard is doing both and always has been


Maybe you had a different upbringing than I did. I see my dad way more now as an adult than I did as a kid because he was chained to his desk making sure that we survived as a family. I love everything about my dad but I always wished I had more time to spend with him. I see him every day now that he is working less and I am still reminded about how much I could have used his actual wisdom in my life more than the things I had.

My husbands father replaced physical time with items. He worked hard so my husband had the ability to do whatever he wanted but it never replaced actual time with his dad and now they have absolutely nothing to say to each other.

Neither of our granddfathers spent much time with their kids as well, this was accepted as a fine arrangement for them, they were "doing their job." 

My kids world is different. Probably because we realized what a big deal our fathers were, we've taken pains and made decisions in our life that things aren't important, time is. (Kind of like bbdad up there.) My time with my son is important but so is my husbands and he needs both--even if that comes with the sacrifice of other material things.

I'm not putting down men who work hard. I'm applauding men who don't put work, things or toys ahead of their family--which was my experience, my husbands experience and our fathers experience.


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## coffee4me

My experience is much different than yours. My fathers average day was 14 hours my entire childhood. We had time with him every week, I never lacked for his attention and I admired all that he did and achieved in his life. 

My fathers work life was not about things. That is another point that gets tossed out a lot. Hard working people only work hard for more things.


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## FrenchFry

However parents manage to give time, affection and love to their kids, I'm all for.

*grabs the tissues* Like this pic from Anon7's article:










I would have killed for that. I do not have any memories of my dad and I having any kind of moment like that. My mom and I have plenty, I wanted more with my dad.










I have a ton of these kind of pics with my husband and son. I'm crazy about them and you can see how close they are, even though he's very young.


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## coffee4me

FrenchFry said:


> I would have killed for that. I do not have any memories of my dad and I having any kind of moment like that. My mom and I have plenty, I wanted more with my dad.


I see why you feel that time is so important reading this. My dad worked enough for 2 people but I have a lifetime of wonderful memories and hundreds of pictures of us together when I was a child, when I was an adult and then with my kids. 

Dang! I sure miss that man


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## Thundarr

FrenchFry said:


> :rofl: if you think the working mom gets the hero treatment. Mom wars are horrible, really.


Yea I have to agree with you on that one. Working moms vs stay at home moms dabates get down right nasty and fast. Both side feeling judged and rightly so because there are a few on both sides of the argument that are flat out judging the other side. And there are a few objective women trying to say both are okay but no one wants to here it.


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## Holland

bbdad said:


> Watch TV or any other things in the media. The father is typically played as a bumbling idiot and the mother is the sound of reason in the family. Feminists teach that a man is not needed in the home. Look at divorce courts, the mother gets primary custody a large percentage of the time.
> 
> That is why I stated our society downplays the importance of the father.


Again this is not backed up by anything I see IRL. Feminism does not teach that a man is not needed in the home, it teaches that it is important for people to have equal rights, that does not mean that men are less important, it means that women are now able to be equally as important. 

Commercial TV is not something that we use as a decision making tool here, we watch mainly ABC and I have never seen a show on it that portrays men as bumbling idiots but I have seen plenty of interviews, articles about the importance of both genders in raising kids and contributing to society.

Also where I live it is long gone that women automatically get custody, the complete opposite. For the past couple of decades it has grown to a point where the norm here is for shared custody and the courts do not allow one parent to monopolise the parenting time unless the other parent is not of a fit state to parent. The process here is Govt. subsidised mediation first to see if the parents can work things out themselves, if not it may then go to the courts and then they will decide what is in the best interests of the children. I really do not see any evidence of the importance of dads being undermind where I live.

I fully support that good male role models are vital for all kids.


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## coffee4me

FrenchFry said:


> :rofl: if you think the working mom gets the hero treatment. Mom wars are horrible, really.


Mommy wars happen where women have choices. The vast majority of working women I know have no choice. They aren't working for things, they are working for food. 

But as FF said, it's about your experience. In my experience women who work long hours out of necessity are not accused of being neglectful parents where men who work long hours out of necessity are accused of being neglectful parents.


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## Thundarr

bbdad said:


> Watch TV or any other things in the media. The father is typically played as a bumbling idiot and the mother is the sound of reason in the family. Feminists teach that a man is not needed in the home. Look at divorce courts, the mother gets primary custody a large percentage of the time.
> 
> That is why I stated our society downplays the importance of the father.


This used to bother me in the past but not any more. Yes men are made into bumbling idiots in sitcoms but women are made out to be b!tches and I don't here women fussing about that.

Here's the conclusions I've come to; the entertainment industry is just entertainment; my son's (didn't have daughters) respect me and always have and I was and am an influence in their lives; and as FF mentioned, women are at each other's throats about what makes a good mom.

I'm glad you're spending more time with your girls bbdad.


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## Anonymous07

coffee4me said:


> Mommy wars happen where women have choices. The vast majority of working women I know have no choice. They aren't working for things, they are working for food.
> 
> But as FF said, it's about your experience. In my experience women who work long hours out of necessity are not accused of being neglectful parents where men who work long hours out of necessity are accused of being neglectful parents.


I see the mom wars happen no matter what. 

I work part-time because we really need the money, and yet I still get told I should be home with my son instead of at work. I don't get the "hero treatment" for doing what is necessary, working opposite hours of my husband so we can make ends meet. You just can't win. The wars are beyond that too with breastfeeding vs formula feeding, vaccinating vs not, and so on. It can be brutal at times with the way some women act and it's so sad. 

I was lucky in that my dad was always very involved in my life and that of my brothers. He coached my basketball team, took me to dance class, helped me practice soccer, and so on. I have a lot of pictures with him to show those moments, but most of my friends did not have that same experience. Most had dads who worked hard, but when at home, just wanted to be left alone instead of being more involved. I feel very blessed because of that and love that my husband is an involved dad, too.


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## heartsbeating

Anonymous07 said:


> I was lucky in that my dad was always very involved in my life and that of my brothers. He coached my basketball team, took me to dance class, helped me practice soccer, and so on. I have a lot of pictures with him to show those moments, but most of my friends did not have that same experience. Most had dads who worked hard, but when at home, just wanted to be left alone instead of being more involved. I feel very blessed because of that and love that my husband is an involved dad, too.


When I experienced that dads could be that way, it came as a surprise. I have a lot of respect and love for my dad but I'm accepting that our relationship was never that. He worked hard for our family but then after work preferred to decompress by going to the pub or being left alone somewhat at home. He wasn't unapproachable; he just wasn't someone that I'd consider going to. Him and my mother also didn't share common interests really, so there weren't activities they'd share together or as a whole family. Sure, he'd pick me up and drop me off places but he likely didn't know how to connect emotionally. On my 21st birthday, we were all out at dinner and he broke down, this man who's large both physically and in presence, crumbled before me and apologized for not 'being there' for me. I told him he did the best he could. My dad is a big ole softy inside. 

He's shown support in his own way. We talk more of late but that may just be once a month or every couple of months. I live in a different state. The most insightful conversation we shared was about a year ago and we asked about his parents and childhood. It was then that I truly started to understand where his strong work ethic comes from and what he had experienced that shaped him. I will ask his advice on big life decisions although he feels I ignore his advice and do my own thing anyway. While it may be true that I don't follow his advice, I still consider and respect his thoughts, which is why I ask.

I think hobbies or activities that isolate us from our loved ones, and can equate to a lot of time (which is perhaps relative), needs to be seen for what it is. And then, as you noted bbdad, when sharing time with others, that we're actually present.


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## heartsbeating

Holland said:


> Actually i would say the opposite is true. The days where it was mainly the dad out of the house working and mum was at home are fast disappearing. We have a great mix of SAHM, SAHD, work out of home parents and work at home parents.


:iagree:


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## SimplyAmorous

heartsbeating said:


> I have a lot of respect and love for my dad but I'm accepting that our relationship was never that.


I have a similar experience with my Father.. he was there at home .... but we were never very close, he never did things with me or we had heart to heart talks.. the funny thing is.... my Mother always told me he wanted a daughter over a son.. ...I am his only child..

It's not that he didn't have time.. my Step Mom & him both worked 40 hr a week jobs when I lived with them....he was home at 4pm every day... weekends off... it's just that he did his own thing....monkeying around in the garage, having his guy buddies over for beer, hill climbs in the back yard...or doing things with my step mom.. I can't say I ever really cared all that much thinking about this....

Being an only child... all I craved was MY FRIENDS to be honest, they were my LIFE , my enjoyment...... I never put much stock or care into parents...even when I lived with my Mom, I always wanted to take a friend with me somewhere... With my dad & Step mom, they allowed me to spend countless nights at my best friends house up the road.. (I felt more connected to this family over my own)....

It seemed to take growing up for me & my father to open up more so.. we still don't see each other much... they leave for half the year to another state now.. but when we do get together, we have a GREAT time.. much laughter, open talks, we will banter & carry on about sex, politics, anything highly controversial.. and it just flows...our oldest son loves when they come over.. well all of the kids.. it's a memorable time...lively & hilarious... yet I think it would be wholly awkward for me & my father to say something mushy to each other for example... it's an odd thing...

I consider him a good man none the less, he was there for me when I needed him, just not very hands on.....when I 1st moved in with them...age 10...I remember his coming into my room to kiss me before leaving for work.. but as I got older, I guess this got strange...and he stopped....

In comparing my Husband to my father.. they are worlds apart on the "family front" / involvement with kids thing.... my dad was just NEVER a "kid" person, he's more comfortable around adults...my H adores his kids.. a real sucker if one says "Hey Dad __________"....he's there...

I am happy I have experienced living / seeing his example ....and how it has influenced our children ...and our dynamics as a family... 

I was not a very happy teen... I am sure the lack of parental closeness played a role even though I wasn't concerned with it or maybe didn't realize what I really needed (not that it would have mattered)... but I can see through our own children, how much a Dad's love & care does for their well being, how it influences them.. all in a good way..


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## SurpriseMyself

This is changing. My dad didn't spend time with me. We occasionally went for a walk or a hike when we were on vacation, but that's it. He did work 12 hours a day, 5 days a week, and cooked dinner most evenings, so I respected him even if I didn't really ever feel close to him.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl

jerry123 said:


> They are extremely important, especially to a boy.


I disagree. Fathers are as important to daughters and they are to sons.

A boy learns things about being a man from his father, and he learns how to love his future wife and children.

A girl learns that she is worthy of love from her father, and she learns a lot about how to love her future husband and children.

Many girls who grow up without fathers, grow up very messed up.

Both parents are of extreme importance.


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## TheFlood117

I can, without any doubt, say that without my father. For however hard or tough he was (and he was) on me, I would not be the father or man I am today. Pure and simple. All my Good aspects (and some bad ones too) are attributed to him. I'm a hard, tough man who makes my own path in life and does things I want to and not a push over. This is directly because of my father. 

I do not quit. I just don't. I have excelled in anything I wanted too. Professionally, socially and physically. I just don't quit. 

And that's my dad. He's just a bear. An "oldschool" type of man. A Gunny. A doer, not a talker. A fighter. Not a scrub. 

If "Edge" ever were a thing, my dad would be a Razor. 

And God did I hate him for a long time. HATE. He was such a pr!ck when I was growing up. Just hard on me, emotionally and physically. The mind games and emotional tests were brutal. He was a jerk. 

But.... So was I. Defiant, obnoxious, arrogant, ****y. But, a lot of potential. 

And my dad saw this. 

Leadership is a constant subject among men of all types. Whether it be on the football field, in the board room or battlefield. Leadership is such a mystifying and enigmatic trait. We always think we know what "it" is. Or who has "it". Or what leadership is. But one aspect of leadership that isn't talked about is the ability to recognize potential in someone and push and push until that person oozes confidence, ability and success. 

And that's what my Dad did to me. 

But it wasn't nice or pleasant or huggy, huggy and lovey dovey. It was, by many SJW's and liberal opinions alike, probably abuse, lol. 

But it made me such a confident and ambitious man. 

But I didn't really like my dad clear up to a few years ago, when I could actually talk to him about things and do things with him without this constant underlying "test" always happening.

Then it wasn't until after my divorce, when my marriage was over and I was basically starting new again in major aspects of my life, that the single most important conversation with my dad ever happened. 

I was at my parents house on the deck having a drink watching the high tide move in and out, my son was sleeping and my mom was a asleep with my son on the couch. My dad walked out on the deck and I expected him to say some pseudo psychological things about marriage and current predicament. But instead he just said. 

"Son, I love you. And I'm proud of you. I have never been more proud of anyone in my life, than I was of you today. I love you very much."

And he went back in the house. It was, just surreal. My dad has never said he was proud of me, never. After all the money, accolades, and stuff I've done over the years from being all state, to playing D1 sports to making my first million before I was 25, getting married or even becoming a father myself lol, my dad never said. I'm proud of you. Until that moment. When I needed it most.

And as I watch him go through lung cancer the last 4 months, and how close we've gotten over the year and a half, and how tenacious and focused he has been fighting this thing. I just can't help but feel that I wish, I wish we had more time together. I wish and hope we have more time to go golfing and take my son to the beach and teach him to surf. I wish and hope he gets to see my son play his first football game. I just want, more time with my Dad. 


Cause he's just, well he's just my Dad. And I might have hated him and thought he was a pr!ck when I was younger, but I can say without a doubt. 

That I love my dad so much and I will WEEP when he passes.

So.... Yeah, Dads are kinda a big deal.


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## Wolf1974

Op I have often felt the sting of being downplayed as a father. Especially because I have two daughters. My x would remind me constantly that I had nothing to offer them in thier development and that the parenting was best left to her.

Then in sitcoms you see that fathers and men get very little respect.

When I have taken my kids to the park I am looked at with skepticism and kept away from...makes me giggle a bit cause if they knew who I was they would be glad I was there 

When I go to parent teacher conferences by myself I am always asked if we are waiting for my wife.....I'm not married so nope. But the assumption is that I can't handle the conference without a female present apaparently lol.

So all this said I agree with you. I spend time with my daughters and try and set a good example of what a man should be. I hope they find someone like my moral character one day. I refuse to be pushed out of Thier lives just for sake of others convenience. They are my responsibility and will be until the day I'm gone. I will be their dad no matter what.


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## tom67

jerry123 said:


> They are extremely important, especially to a boy.
> 
> My parents divorced when I was 5. Still remember sitting in living room and my mom and dad coming in and my mom saying "Dad is leaving for a little while". I was like ok, see you daddy. Not understanding he was moving out. And they were getting a divorce.
> 
> Did not see him much after that. Maybe once a month. He died of lung cancer at 46.
> 
> I grew up with just women around me. 2 sisters and my mom. Boy did that screw me up. I was turned into a beta dude with only women to guide me.
> 
> 
> Of course that's all changed now.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


He is doing much better now:smthumbup::smthumbup:


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## doobie

I've brought up two kids on my own (I'm a woman) - they have different dads and very different experiences of their dads. The first dad I split up with when my daughter was 18 months old and she has never seen him since. He made no effort to stay in touch or have access and (because of the type of person he was) I made no effort to insist that he did. This has been beneficial for my daughter as her dad was a selfish liar who would have made her life a misery and taken any money he could get from her. I split up with my younger daughter's dad when she was just 6 months old (she's now 27) and he made every effort to see her at least twice a week. When she was tiny, this involved a lot of effort from both of us as he would visit her at my home which was emotionally quite difficult for me and probably for him too. However, he learned how to take care of her and became a large part of her life. Nowadays, so much time has gone past that he and I are good friends. He has always supported me in times of trouble and he has always totally supported our dauther. They have a great relationship and he and I also have a good friendship. Both of my daughters did well at school, both have degrees and both are great. responsible adults - I am blown away by how awesome each of them is. However, I have learned that a relationship with a bad father is barely worth having while a relationship with a good, loving father is priceless.


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