# What would you do in my shoes



## American Arrogance (Sep 5, 2008)

I have a dilemma. I have been trying to divorce my narcissistic personality disorder husband. He hired an aggressive lawyer who is against mediation and negotiations. I had to fire my lawyer months ago because she just rolled over for them and wasnt looking out for me as a client. 

So now his lawyer has ramped up ligation. I have a deposition scheduled for Jul 13. Trial date for Sept 21. We dont have anything settled.

I spoke wot several attorneys and they all need at least $8k to take on my case. One lawyer said $4000 but I must maintain $4000 in my account. 

Im on limited income. My spouse makes $105k. I make $32k.

So here is my dilemma. I have about $3800 currently. But $1800 is allotted towards rent which is now due. Im thinking of paying the lawyer retainer fee but then Ill be evicted (granted it would take them about 30-45 days for the process).

Would you pay your rent or pay for the lawyer? :crying:


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

More info is needed in order to give you thoughtful input. 

How long were the two of you married?

Do you have a place to stay if you are evicted? Are there any children involved?

Is there some huge amount of money that you two are fighting over? What is all the litigation about?

Basically would you end up with enough in support and/or assets to spend all that money on a lawyer?


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## American Arrogance (Sep 5, 2008)

oko said:


> If your state awards legal fees to the lesser monied spouse then find an attorney who will take your case without charging you up front and who will file to get their fees paid by your husband.
> 
> Or maybe show up at court without an attorney and ask the judge to order your husband to pay for an attorney for you.
> 
> Otherwise maybe take out a loan against your house.



Ive already spoken to about 20 lawyers covering 2 counties. No one wants to touch my case without money upfront. I already asked if they would do a Pendente lite order but they all say majority times Judges award during final trial very rare beforehand. They wont touch my case due to so many issues and my ex is a high conflict person so is his lawyer. 

I dont have a house. I rent an apt. He lives in the condo and is trying to claim its separate property. Its titled in his name.


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

I would pay the rent. And google the hell out of "what to say at a deposition if you don't have an attorney".


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## Nomorebeans (Mar 31, 2015)

I smell a troll.


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## American Arrogance (Sep 5, 2008)

EleGirl said:


> More info is needed in order to give you thoughtful input.
> 
> How long were the two of you married?
> 
> ...


Married 15 years. 

There are 4 children. No I do not. My closest relative is a state away. Plus we have a custody order and I can move out of the state. I have no family nor friends where I live. 

No there isnt a huge amount of money. Only about $70K in IRA and 401k. he already liquidated $15K of an IRA. I called the brokerage firm and will be providing them with the PL order preventing him from taking anymore money out.

I have suggested mediation and negotiations. His lawyer has turned down every request to mediate. Said it was a waste of money. Issues are really children. We have 2 together. One is suicidal and the others has emotional issues which he is against them in counseling/therapy and has never taken them. Im contesting our current shared custody order. CPS has 2 investigations pending against him. I left because he was abusive towards me. He was constantly cheating on me and Sept 2013 he physically abused me and I ended up moving out shortly afterwards. 

I had a lawyer previously and we tried to do negotiations but husband and his lawyer came in arguing and refusing everything even though the lawyer said this is what the judge uses as a guideline. But the husband said he wont discuss if spousal support is on the table and he co signed a student loan for me and now he has been threatening to file forgery charges against me if I dont agree to his settlement offer which is $10K and child support. Every lawyer I talked to said thats a bad deal. So since I havent agreed to it, he and his lawyer have been uncooperative in any regards to mediation. His lawyer said litigation is the best and only option. 

I have no assets as I cashed out both 401k back in 2006 and 2011 when I becamed unemployed and husband refused to pay any housing bills. I used my 401k to pay our mortgage and utilities to keep us afloat and out of bankruptcy. It never dawned on my that he was stashing money and using me to pay for everything while claiming to be broke.


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## American Arrogance (Sep 5, 2008)

Nomorebeans said:


> I smell a troll.


trolls dont have 58 posts on their accounts. And being that you're sitting in a room on your computer, the only thing you'd smell is yourself. :x


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

So the condo is the only asset that is in dispute?

Do some research about representing yourself in a divorce in your state. 

Sometimes a person showing up without an attorney can get a lot of sympathy from the judge. It can make your husband look like a real ass to for having a high price, shark attorney.


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## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

American Arrogance said:


> Married 15 years.
> 
> There are 4 children. No I do not. My closest relative is a state away. Plus we have a custody order and I can move out of the state. I have no family nor friends where I live.
> 
> ...


His lawyer said litigation is the only option is most likely doing it for one of two reasons. Either he is trying to bluff you into a bad deal or he realizes his client won't listen to reason so he will gladly run up a bill and let the judge give his client the bad news. 

You can request the deposition be rescheduled and if you hire a lawyer tomorrow that would most likely be the first thing that person does because of conflicting schedules. I've been scheduled for deposition numerous times. It never seems to happen.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Do you by any chance live in the Los Angeles area? I ask because I know a law firm that would take your case for a whole lot less and do a good job of it. (No I am not affiliated with them just know someone who used them.) If so PM me and I'll give you the info.


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## EnigmaGirl (Feb 7, 2015)

I'm surprised the lawyer won't work out a payment plan with you based on your expenses...most of them will.

I agree with the above poster who suggested that you google being a pro se litigant. However, if you have complicated issues to solve with the kids, this might be time consuming.

The split really isn't complicated, its just simple math. He's trying to ramp up legal conflict to scare you and screw you out what you rightfully deserve.

By the way, if he liquidated that 15K after your separation date, you should be going after your half of that.


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

I agree with just trying to represent yourself. As EnigmaGirl said, math is math and he's just trying to scare you I think.


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## American Arrogance (Sep 5, 2008)

EleGirl said:


> So the condo is the only asset that is in dispute?
> 
> Do some research about representing yourself in a divorce in your state.
> 
> Sometimes a person showing up without an attorney can get a lot of sympathy from the judge. It can make your husband look like a real ass to for having a high price, shark attorney.


No, the condo isnt in dispute at least on my end. He can have the condo. I just want equitable distribution. Mostly, I just want my kids.


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## American Arrogance (Sep 5, 2008)

EleGirl said:


> Do you by any chance live in the Los Angeles area? I ask because I know a law firm that would take your case for a whole lot less and do a good job of it. (No I am not affiliated with them just know someone who used them.) If so PM me and I'll give you the info.


No, Im in Va.


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## American Arrogance (Sep 5, 2008)

EnigmaGirl said:


> I'm surprised the lawyer won't work out a payment plan with you based on your expenses...most of them will.
> 
> I agree with the above poster who suggested that you google being a pro se litigant. However, if you have complicated issues to solve with the kids, this might be time consuming.
> 
> ...


Every lawyer I talked with thinks his lawyer is a dumbass for not settling. I attend a group for people going through divorce that has lawyers and retired judges come speak and we can ask questions. There is a group of retired judges that do mediation and they tell you how they would divide the property and solve issues. His lawyer is against using that group or any group for mediation. 

Im going to the courthouse today to get on the docket for a pendente lite relief for attorney fees. Hopefully, I get some. I did some research and found a couple of firms that offer divorce funding options. I sent an application in. hope that works. 




oko said:


> Looks like you're sort of stuck.
> 
> An eviction would take less than 2 months?
> 
> Around here it takes at least 6 months


They move fast here in Va. After 15 days there is a notice from court and a court date set for 30-45 days out. I dont know what happens after that because I usually pay within 15 days and that cancels the court date. 

But this particular lawyer I want. She is cheap hourly rate BUT her firm has these strict funding requirements and I must maintain $4000 in the trust fund. They bill twice a month and I must pay those bills within 15 days. Im hoping the judge gives me money from the marital assets so I can hire this lawyer. She has no cases right now and she can devote her time to this craziness his lawyer is trying to do. 

And I think his lawyer put up a fight when I had a lawyer in hopes it would drain my finances and make me go pro se which did happen. 

No lawyer wants to touch my case unless they get money upfront as there are domestic violence, child neglect/abuse and high conflict personalities involved. And the fact there isnt much assets. 

I just want to be divorced and have him out of my life for good but not at the expense of my kids futures. :crying:


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## EnigmaGirl (Feb 7, 2015)

> Every lawyer I talked with thinks his lawyer is a dumbass for not settling.


There are a lot of lawyers who ramp up conflict to increase their billing rate. They see men like your ex (and my ex) coming from a mile away. Its really unfair how it only takes one unreasonable litigant in a divorce to drag on the procedure for the other person for years. 

I feel for you, I went through it myself. My ex kept me in litigation, custody disputes, and nonsense for years. At the end of the day, he did worse than the initial deal I offered him but my legal fees were ridiculous.



> Im going to the courthouse today to get on the docket for a pendente lite relief for attorney fees. Hopefully, I get some. I did some research and found a couple of firms that offer divorce funding options. I sent an application in. hope that works.


Very, very smart move. I hope you get some relief.



> Im hoping the judge gives me money from the marital assets so I can hire this lawyer.


Make sure that you're affidavit response explains the financial hardship you're going through due to your ex's refusal to mediate. Judges get tired of high-conflict litigants that force court dates when there's another option. So milk that for all its worth and then ask for the release of the funds....this would be particularly effective if you have to go pro se at the next court appearance.



> I just want to be divorced and have him out of my life for good but not at the expense of my kids futures.


I completely understand this too. Just accept that you're going to have to make compromises...its just a reality of divorce. So it helps to figure out what you can let go and what you can't.

Stick to the relevant...especially with child custody issues. What you often think its important isn't legally relevant to the court. So stick to actionable facts...be clear, concise and don't get into the weeds.

I really hope you're able to get some financial relief. Good luck.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

There are a number of law schools in the area, and generally speaking most of the professors are active lawyers, try to see if a professor in one of the divorce law classes is willing to take you on as an example for their class?


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