# Downsides to Not Filing a Response?



## KnnNike (Dec 18, 2012)

I'll just quickly rehash the details of my situation:

- Wife of 3 years filed for divorce, didn't see it coming on my end. I've posted a few other times on here, but I have been willing to do anything and everything to change (my main problems to begin with were just working long hours and getting stressed a lot, both symptoms of being in a PhD program - I've since changed my area of research, which has significantly improved my happiness and time at home); she just won't have any of it, and has in fact refused to verbally speak with me since she moved out 5 months ago.

- I received the initial divorce petition a month ago, I have 60 days total to file a response (state is Indiana).

- The petition was as cut and dry as possible - we don't have any kids, and my wife indicated that all property had already been divided (which it has - she didn't take much, just enough for a new apartment, and there's nothing that she has that I want).

- My wife indicated the reason for the divorce was "irretrievable breakdown of the marriage"

My question is, what do I stand to lose my not filing a response, and letting this go to default judgment? I do not agree with the reason for filing, but I'm not going to drag this out by making her work at a marriage that she doesn't want to be in. I have no concerns that my wife would make some outrageous request or demand at the default judgment hearing. However, I am a PhD student on a limited stipend, and I cannot really afford to be "wasting" $149 on a filing fee that will serve as nothing more than an empty symbolic gesture.

Keeping those statements in mind, are there any things that I'm not taking into consideration here? I didn't think, for example, that a default judgment would have any impact on something like my credit report, but it would be good to know if there are any other repercussions to having this on my legal record.

I realize that nobody on here can offer legally-binding advice; I'm just looking for direction...


----------



## Arendt (Mar 25, 2013)

No advice on filing. But my work in a PhD program also cost me my marriage. Long hours of work, publishing, etc. I also live on a fellowship, which pays the bills, but doesn't much room for after graduation and other bills come in from earlier programs. So, you aren't alone or unique in the whole thing.


----------



## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Is there a legal aid service at your school?

C


----------



## KnnNike (Dec 18, 2012)

PBear said:


> Is there a legal aid service at your school?
> 
> C


There is, and I'm glad you mentioned this - I knew about it in the back of my mind, but I've never talked to a lawyer before, and I thought a consultation would involve me going to their office and taking a huge chunk of my time.

I guess it's just a phone call, so I called this morning and left a message for the lawyer to return. Thanks.

In the meantime, is there anyone on here who did not file a response to their petition, and if so, did things work out okay?


----------



## KnnNike (Dec 18, 2012)

Arendt said:


> No advice on filing. *But my work in a PhD program also cost me my marriage*. Long hours of work, publishing, etc. I also live on a fellowship, which pays the bills, but doesn't much room for after graduation and other bills come in from earlier programs. So, you aren't alone or unique in the whole thing.


I appreciate the response. I think if things had gone alright in my program from the start, then this wouldn't have happened... 

However, since I started the program a year ago, I have been in a research area that did not make me happy - I did this because my master's advisor, from another university, worked in this area, and her recommendation is one of the reasons I was accepted here. This unhappiness caused me to resent my work, which hurt my productivity, which caused me to work longer hours, which made me even unhappier...a vicious cycle, to boot. I was working 50-60 hours per week with little to show for it, and was staying up every night until 1 or 2 AM trying to get through classwork...

Up until a few weeks ago, I was set on simply quitting the PhD program and looking for a job. However, I talked with a professor in another research area, and I realize now that his projects truly capture my interest, and that this research area was the reason I became interested in my major in the first place. I am set to start full-time with him at the end of May, and if things go according to plan, I'll be finished in 2 years...

I just don't know about my wife. She moved out in November 2012, after 2 counseling sessions, saying that she didn't feel that I was respecting her - she said that she never felt that she could do anything right by me (but didn't elaborate, save for 1 or 2 token examples). She asked me to meet in February, and it was the happiest week of my life, because I thought we were going to reconcile - instead, I was sat down in a Barnes and Noble, and told that she was meeting me in person "as a courtesy" to tell me that she was filing.

She has not said 2 words to me since (in person, that is - and that was the same way after she moved out; she'll talk by email and text, but only sparsely, and it's like pulling teeth to get a response on even basic issues like taxes). I think she just wants to end this as quickly and painlessly as possible. She is not cheating, because I have been checking her cell phone records and social media accounts (I love her, but she's bad at passwords, and I'm good at gadgetry and computers), and well, you'd just have to know her to understand why I feel that there is no POM. I still love her very much, and while I have done most of my grieving over the last several months with the help of counseling, I would still give anything to have her back.

Ah well, I guess I'm soon to join that other 50% of American society that I never envisioned myself as being a part of...as I'm sure many others on here have thought in the past. Definitely not where I thought I'd be at the ripe old age of 24...


----------



## Pbartender (Dec 6, 2012)

KnnNike said:


> In the meantime, is there anyone on here who did not file a response to their petition, and if so, did things work out okay?


I'm in Illinois, so the details may be different, but presuming the basics are the same, here's what I can tell you...

Once you're served, you have a certain amount of time to file an Appearance and/or Response.

An Appearance tells the courts that you are interested in being involved in the process. If you don't file one, your spouse will get whatever she asks for, so long as the judge agrees to it.

A Response is simply an official statement saying that you don't agree with part or all of the Petition, the parts you contest, and perhaps why. You only really need to file a response if there are important details in the Petition that are missing or wrong.

The best advice would be to get some free consultations with several different lawyers, and see what they say. They be more familiar with Indiana's laws, and give you better, more specific advice.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## IndyTMI (Oct 26, 2012)

I live in Indiana and recently filed for divorce with the same reason.
Like you, we have no assets to divide other than what I have already offered up to her.
With no kids and no assets to fight over, filing counter does little to no good, as there is nothing being disputed.
My STBXW was gong to seek legal council, but I already researched and spoke with my attorney and they indicated in a case like this, no alimony or any type of further financial support is warranted and will not be awarded.
I am volunteering up to support her financially for a period of time, but was advised by my attorney not to put anything like that in writing, just agree outside of court.
I live in Indy, if you do care to use an attorney that has men's concerns at their core, let me know and I can PM the contact info for them here in Indy.
They require a $1k retainer, but so far, after creating the initial paperwork and filing, it has only cost me just over $200.
I wish you well and the best outcome possible.


----------

