# Those who move through it with action.



## sokillme

So one of my last post got me thinking about the post where people successfully moved on from the people who cheated on them and seem to be better off. My contention is that swift action even if it is years later helps with healing. I thought I would like a few. If you know other please post.

The top spaceghost

river rat, better late then never

The female version of spaceghost

above 3 months out

The husband in this thread, who is not the poster is a boss. Handled it perfectly

Continued..

Not sure if this is a happy or unhappy ending.

This guy did good.

Here is a good story as related by another poster.

There is hope with action. Any others feel free to add to the list.


Here is a perspective from a repentant wayward wife. It gives you a good idea why you should act from strength.



FoolishOne said:


> As a wayward wife I want to avoid crashing and invading a BS's space, but I thought I might have an opinion from my viewpoint that may help the op.
> 
> I cheated. I did. I didn't respect my husband. He avoided making me angry. He was a white knight in a lot of ways. Disapointing , angering me and making waves was something He avoided. He allowed me to trick him and manipulate him. So I did. He let me take him for granted.
> 
> Truth be told I don't know if I loved my husband while in my affair and even sometime before that. I was in a bad place. Everything was about me. I was attracted to my husband and thought he was intelligent, but did I love him? How could I while doing what I did?
> 
> My husband tried being understanding. Giving me my space. Communicating. Loving me more. Dating. Letting go of arguments and accepting a loss just to appease me.
> 
> During my affair and before I was in no condition to think about his needs or wants. I was still all about me. My husband could have rearranged the stars in the shape of my name and I probably wouldn't have thought it that great. No crazy romantic gesture by him had the power to knock me out of me me me zone. The fact of the matter was I was sizing up a relationship with another man and keeping my husband on hold. As if it was my right to pick and choose in the shadows.
> 
> My husband going ballistic after finding emails was my first shock. My husband doesn't yell at me. His anger shocked me. It scared me. I truly started realizing I might have burned my bridges.
> 
> My first course of action was to minimize. Much like your wife.
> 
> I did it for a few reasons (your wife's may very). Shame. Fear of losing my family. Fear of losing my husband. Fear of losing my lifestyle. Fear of judgment from friends and family.
> 
> It was still all about me. I minimized. Destroyed evidence. Wouldn't talk about the affair. And continued the affair. Of course while blaming my husband's treatment of me and dangling reconciliation like a carrot to KEEP my husband in place while I decided between the OM and my husband.
> 
> My husband eventually found out proof of a physical relationship and a continued affair.
> 
> He didn't trust me. His first good decision. I was a liar. Of course I couldn't be trusted. Besides being caught not a thing had changed so why trust me?
> 
> When my husband found this info out he put a full stop to any of what people here call the pick me dance. He did the 180 without any knowledge from sites like this and detached.
> 
> He made it clear he wanted no part of what I offered. He wasn't interested in winning me back. My value to him dropped.
> 
> Between that and my AP showing more and more of what an ass hat he was and how empty our relationship was, my husband's obvious disgust detachment and seeming ability to move on without me easily, scared me.
> 
> It told me "hey your not really all that." It told me my husband wasn't a door mat and that he was no longer waiting for me to PICK him.
> 
> No. If I wanted back I had to earn it.
> 
> It literally shocked me the first time I approached my husband with the "ok I am now ready to work on our marriage and decided to love you attitude."
> 
> He scoffed at me and laughed. I remember being absolutely gobsmacked. Where was the husband who would pursue me to the end of the earth? Where did he go? At first I was miffed. Angry. Told him he was throwing us away. He told me no it was you. It dawned on me slowly when my bull**** didn't work on winning him over.
> 
> I came to the realization that I had killed that part of him. He no longer held hope for our marriage. No longer thought of me as a prize.
> 
> I perused him. I dealt with my **** bit by bit. I armed myself with knowledge about relationships and respect. I worked harder. I changed the way i aproached sex with my husband. I grew a new sense of respect with my husband and worked towards openness and communication.
> 
> It's all in my thread if you would like to read my story.
> 
> Through all of this I was sending signals that I wanted this relationship. That I was changing. I had to put
> work in. I had to sweat for it. It paid dividends. Little by little I was able to piece together a semblance of peace and tranquility.
> 
> There was one problem. We didn't deal with my affair. So many times he would try to breach the subject and I would shut him down.
> 
> It wasn't as bad as he thinks.
> I didn't want to talk about the past.
> I loved him and that was enough.
> 
> Anything to not adress the elephant in the room. I didn't know my husband knew more about my affair than I thought. So I never came foward about the true depths of my betrayal. I did this out of fear. Again. Losing everything. All about me.
> 
> We never worked through it. My husband never got the deep answers needed to heal. He only knew I was romanticly involved with another man and later secretly found I was going to the other man's house frequently. He knew I wasn't forthcoming. He didn't want to reveal what he knew. He wanted me to come foward. I didn't. So he played along and silently prepared for a life without me.
> 
> In a lot of ways the relationship we built in the last three years was a good one. But it was hollow. My husband hated it. He loved me in ways. But he lost respect for me. Doesn't trust me. He shouldnt. Not yet. I need to prove myself with actions and despite all the good I have accomplished without dealing with the affair it's all meaningless.
> 
> About 6 months ago I found out my husband was having an affair of his own. That has been the trigger for my realization that my inability to deal with my own affair and help my husband understand and give him the info needed had gutted my marriage. It was also a reinforcement of the idea that my husband will do just fine without me. It has put a sense of urgency to all of it.
> 
> So I came foward and told the truth. With the help of this site I got the nerve up. I had to face my problems. We had to face our problems. Infidelity isn't something you just get over. It changes everything. As it should.
> 
> The last 6 days have been me and my husband talking almost non stop. We have to redo every conversation we have had in the last 6 years. We don't know how this is going to work but in a lot of ways this new openness is what I always wanted. Its bitter and shameful. But it's open and honest and we are working it together. We work through the pain together. Too bad it came at this cost. To bad it took it all devolving to this sad state of affairs. Just goes to show how not dealing with stuff doesn't solve anything.
> 
> So when people tell you to stop being a door mat. They are trying to help you.
> 
> Your wife has to get ahead of this. She has to willingly and enthuesasticly help you understand every facet of her affair. She has to show you EVERYTHING. She can't hide anything. She isn't allowed privacy. This affair and it's meaning and her feelings about it can't be left to the wayside. Don't fix the issues in her that had her doing this then you are doomed for repeat. Or a sham marriage. You need to know you deserve better and if she isn't going to be better, then so be it. She isn't worth it.
> 
> She has to show an openness you have probably never seen before. She has to work on herself. Read some books recommended here. She has to show respect and damn well show she is doing everything in her power to understand your pain to it's core and also find any way possible to help you heal, restore trust, and if it comes to it let you go with dignity.
> 
> She has to put you first. She has to win you back.
> 
> As long as you are trying to make this work. As long as you are doing the heavy lifting.... why would she ever have to do anything other than nod along and say she loves you?
> 
> Your doing all the work. And to boot you catch her in lie after lie and still want to work it out. It lowers your value. Makes you seem too attached to ever leave.
> 
> And let me tell you that is the last message you want sent.
> 
> Project power. Demand she take responsibility for what she has done. Set down a process you want followed and if she isn't willing to help then wave goodbye. She isn't even willing to have some uncomfortable conversations to help you deal with her massive betrayal? Walk away!! When you accept abuse the abuser has no reason to stop. People don't usually stop doing bad but enjoyable/profitable things unless consequences are given.
> 
> You can't love her back. Losing you and possibly your resources (she may just see you as a pay check sad as it sounds) is your only bet. Your only card to play. Anything else is coersion or begging. Do you want to beg? And if she doesn't wake up and pull her head out of her ass when faced with losing that.... She was too far gone or never with you to begin with. In that case wave goodbye with as much poise and dignity possible and move on. You did say dating sounded fun right?
> 
> As it is she probably believes she still has control of this situation. Much the same as I did.
> 
> She has to let go of control. You need to take back control. Stop waiting for her to decide if this can work out. Why the **** is it her decision? It's yours!!! She passed those deciding rights to you when she cheated.
> 
> Seriously this site is good stuff. Devour the info here and you will be armed for good relationships even should you divorce anyways.
> 
> Also blow the AP put of the water. Informing is a powerful tool. Don't be ashamed. This isn't on you. Don't let her blame this on marriage issues. That's bull. She is damaged. She is toxic to be with. She has to prove she can change. It needs more than I love you and a promise to not do it. She already did that once. Remember. She probably wore a white dress.
> 
> Until she starts putting in serious work and understanding you're just rugsweeping. She will do it again. Or continue.
> 
> Don't be afraid to turn your back or show anger or make her sad. You NEED to ruffle her feathers and get her to wake the **** up and take this seriously. Not just for your healing but for her own and to make sure you are not signing up for repeat performance over the next decade only to be dropped should she find someone willing and worth leaving with to be with.
> 
> Set boundaries. Set the rules of the marriage YOU want. Set the consequences of inaction or further betrayal and stick to them. You have already lost the initiative. No more.
> 
> Get out of infidelity. If she follows good. See if you can make it work. If she doesn't. At least you are out of infidelity.


----------



## barbados

One of my all time favs here was @flyfishdoc


----------



## farsidejunky

This thread is about the best "take action and move on" porn you can find:

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/51949-wife-best-friend-having-least-ea.html

Unlike the SpaceGhost thread, which I truly believe is a troll, this story rings true in every sense.

Here is another one that was particularly impactful for me:

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/considering-divorce-separation/123850-separation-horizon.html

He was not so decisive at first, but once he made up his mind, he was gone.


----------



## farsidejunky

And just because this thread should be required reading for ANYONE going through infidelity...filled with posts from two posters that made TAM a better place.

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/going-through-divorce-separation/63357-time-regroup-move.html

ETA: Those two posters are no longer around... Conrad was banned and Mavash. faded away.


----------



## farsidejunky

More porn. Both threads are the same guy as he started in SIM due to his wife withholding sex for her AP:

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/29971-wife-travels-lot-sex-life-has-stalled-worried-help.html

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/going-through-divorce-separation/31388-go-time-time-go-sucks.html


----------



## Hope1964

farsidejunky said:


> This thread is about the best "take action and move on" porn you can find:
> 
> http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/51949-wife-best-friend-having-least-ea.html


Oh wow, talk about a trip down memory lane. SO many people not here any more!


----------



## sokillme

barbados said:


> One of my all time favs here was @flyfishdoc


Like a boss!


----------



## sokillme

Added to one to the list. (ohforanewme)


----------



## sokillme

This guy may be a troll but he writes good.


----------



## Vinnydee

Dated her all through High School. My first love and intercoures partner. I went to Vietnam to fight with the Army so we got engaged. She cheated on me when I could not even go home for 8 more months. No cell phones back then, just snail mail which makes breaking up and arguing very difficult. We did break up and I was heartbroken and angry that she did this when coming home to her was what kept me going during combat. 

I was a mess for the rest of the year but combat kept my mind off of it most of the time. I ended up going to Australia where I spent a month, mostly in bed, with a girl I picked up at a bar. She was a school teacher who got fired because she spent a month in my bed. I did call out my ex's name once during sex which she said was OK. After that I no longer felt anything for my girlfriend. In fact, when I got home my ex and I had sex for two weeks. I did get another girlfriend who also cheated on me after 11 months living with me. I was just too nice an never suspicious. Not anymore. Now I have a healthy dose of mistrust of both friends and lovers. Both times the girls cheated with my friends since they were the only guys she knew enough to feel comfortable with. 

I found the best way to get over a girl is to get under another. It worked for me both times and the last time I ended up marrying the girl I was under and are happily married for 45 years. The Universe repaid me for the two heartbreaks by making my wife bi and being best friends with the girl I had a crush on since I was 14 who also is bi. My wife shared all her girlfriends with me and gave her girlfriend a room in our home. On the bright side, I have had over a thousand FFM threesomes and the love of two women who also loved each other. Life has been good to me, both sexually, in the love department and professionally. 

10 years ago my ex fiancé called me up after I moved out of State near where she ended up. She found my Facebook page. She told me how her life was after we broke up. First off she got hooked on drugs, pregnant by an unknown man, married and cheated on her husband with a woman that she married when she divorced her husband. She also has mental problems that messed up her life. She became a hippie after our breakup and was very anti capitalist which would not have worked well with my capitalistic career. She found what she was looking for with a woman. My life would have been hell with her. The first thing I asked is if her mother was still alive. She wasn't. Her mother was against our engagement saying that I was not good enough for her daughter who was destined to become a lawyer or doctor and do great things. Turns out that I was the one who did great things and I wanted to let her know but dead people just do not listen well.

Force yourself to move on. Date as much as you can and once you start feeling emotions to another, the pain that you feel will go away. I promise. When I look back on my life I realize that the good life I have is a result of not only the good things but also the bad things that happened to me. BTW, the ex girlfriend became a crack addict, had a crack baby and paid for drugs with her body. After she cleaned up she became a stripper. I only dated hot girls, but with problems and strangely all bisexual. Had I taken forgiven them my life would not have followed the path it did and I cannot imagine a life better than I have. Not very rich but comfortable enough to buy the toys I want. Not monogamous but polyfidelitous which is better. We are all capable of loving more than one person just as we love all of our family. 

I was not looking for a new girlfriend but one day on the way home from work, I spotted my wife on a train that I ran to catch. The first time in my life I ever ran for a train since they run every 10 minutes during rush hour. I pointed her out to my friend who was also on the train and he dared me to go and talk to her and get a date. I told him jokingly that I would not only date her, but marry her. True story. I talked to her, dated her and we were engaged 13 days after we met. Married for 45 years this month. Sometimes when you are not looking, love finds you so do not despair. You will love again and get married. Just do what I do, think that it is their loss, not mine. Turns out I was right.


----------



## sokillme

There is a reason all of these stories are the same.

It's human nature. Follow the path that these folks did and you can fine the path to a better life!


----------



## Kamstel

Do you accept nominees for your HOF?


----------



## sokillme

Do you have a worthy candidate?


----------



## GusPolinski

sokillme said:


> So one of my last post got me thinking about the post where people successfully moved on from the people who cheated on them and seem to be better off. My contention is that swift action even if it is years later helps with healing. I thought I would like a few. If you know other please post.
> 
> The top spaceghost
> 
> river rat, better late then never
> 
> The female version of spaceghost
> 
> above 3 months out
> 
> The husband in this thread, who is not the poster is a boss. Handled it perfectly
> 
> Continued..
> 
> Not sure if this is a happy or unhappy ending.
> 
> This guy did good.
> 
> Here is a good story as related by another poster.
> 
> There is hope with action. Any others feel free to add to the list.
> 
> 
> Here is a prospective from a repentant wayward wife. It gives you a good idea why you should act from strength.


Geeeeez... wtfl;dr.

Maybe give us a summary of each thread.


----------



## GusPolinski

sokillme said:


> The husband in this thread, who is not the poster is a boss. Handled it perfectly
> 
> Continued..
> 
> Not sure if this is a happy or unhappy ending.


Wait... he took her back?

LOL. What a ****ing chump.


----------



## Kamstel

Worthy nominee: On SI, LtCdtLost, in the just Found Out forum!


He was deployed overseas when a friend emailed him proof that wife was screwing around. He came back without her knowing and blew up her world.

https://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=620583&HL=63398

Don’t bother reading last few pages, the responders get crazy


----------



## Kamstel

DjDjani here on TAM

Discovered his wife was cheating with his best friend, and he dumped her and put him into hospital

https://talkaboutmarriage.com/?tfr=1#/topics/418097


----------



## Kamstel

Mmml2018 on SI (or mlmm2018)

Discovered she was fooling around with intern, and he went nuclear

Can someone find this thread and post the link?


----------



## jlg07

How do you search for members on SI? I haven't seen any search functionality on that site.....


----------



## Kamstel

TimeIsOnMySide here on TAM, right up there with SpaceGhost007!!

Wife was sleeping around when he would go away for work. He blows up her world

https://talkaboutmarriage.com/#/topics/354185


----------



## fotf17

Links to the relevant threads would be super cool. Trying to look up the guy on SI and it's nearly impossible to find the original thread


----------



## Kamstel

Cromer here on TAM

She refused sex for 10 + year’s, he found out she cheated years ago and caught something. He divorced her and helps family and friends, (and new gf). Has a VERY happy ending!! Hope he updates soon!

https://talkaboutmarriage.com/going...n/63357-time-regroup-move.html#/topics/415794


----------



## Kamstel

Ohforanewme on SI. Took him a year of hell to decide, but once he decided, he was fantastic. This thread starts after he decided to end it.

https://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=606741


----------



## sokillme

Kamstel said:


> Ohforanewme on SI. Took him a year of hell to decide, but once he decided, he was fantastic. This thread starts after he decided to end it.
> 
> https://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=606741


Are you sure I didn't post this one?


----------



## sokillme

Kamstel said:


> TimeIsOnMySide here on TAM, right up there with SpaceGhost007!!
> 
> Wife was sleeping around when he would go away for work. He blows up her world
> 
> https://talkaboutmarriage.com/#/topics/354185


This one doesn't go anywhere.


----------



## Kamstel

Can you try the link again? Thanks. When I clicked it, it worked

If the link doesn’t work, use the search and type in 
TimeIsOnMySide


----------



## sokillme

I can't see it. I wonder why?


----------



## fotf17

Kamstel said:


> Can you try the link again? Thanks. When I clicked it, it worked


Takes me to the TAM homepage.


----------



## BluesPower

Kamstel said:


> Ohforanewme on SI. Took him a year of hell to decide, but once he decided, he was fantastic. This thread starts after he decided to end it.
> 
> https://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=606741


I read that one. Just his posts because it was long and some of those folks are just silly. 

You know, what strikes me about that one was the severity of what she had done. Not one, not two but 3 affairs, one in which she got a STD and never told him. 

Then, when she knew it was over, she was sorry about everything in HER life that SHE had screwed up. 

And she still love bombed him. I mean, she thought that the one year R was all she needed to do, she never even thought that she would lose her family and husband. 

And I still to this day, she does not get it... 

It is almost unimaginable. 

His thread again proves that swift decisive action can prevent years of pain and agony. 

That thread was something to read...


----------



## sokillme

BluesPower said:


> I read that one. Just his posts because it was long and some of those folks are just silly.
> 
> You know, what strikes me about that one was the severity of what she had done. Not one, not two but 3 affairs, one in which she got a STD and never told him.
> 
> Then, when she knew it was over, she was sorry about everything in HER life that SHE had screwed up.
> 
> And she still love bombed him. I mean, she thought that the one year R was all she needed to do, she never even thought that she would lose her family and husband.
> 
> And I still to this day, she does not get it...
> 
> It is almost unimaginable.
> 
> His thread again proves that swift decisive action can prevent years of pain and agony.
> 
> That thread was something to read...


He has late stage cancer now by the way and is on his second chemo. He thought the physical pain he was feeling was psychosomatic to the emotional pain she was causing him so he never got it checked out. Now he has a late stage cancer. So you can add passive murder to the list of her crimes at least in my mind. I wonder if she even knows or if she even gets it. Probably not. 

Also it may indirectly make his decision to stay a terminal one.


----------



## BluesPower

sokillme said:


> He has late stage cancer now by the way and is on his second chemo. He thought the physical pain he was feeling was psychosomatic to the emotional pain she was causing him so he never got it checked out. Now he has a late stage cancer. So you can add passive murder to the list of her crimes at least in my mind. I wonder if she even knows or if she even gets it. Probably not.
> 
> *Also it may indirectly make his decision to stay a terminal one.*


What does the last line mean? 

And, where are his other threads. Is the cancer terminal or do they not know. 

That sucks... All that money, all that work, all that pain, get out of it and start new and end up with cancer. 

That is the reason that I am sometimes leery of being happy, I figure I will get cancer.


----------



## sokillme

BluesPower said:


> What does the last line mean?
> 
> And, where are his other threads. Is the cancer terminal or do they not know.
> 
> That sucks... All that money, all that work, all that pain, get out of it and start new and end up with cancer.
> 
> That is the reason that I am sometimes leery of being happy, I figure I will get cancer.


He posts frequently in the divorced board. He is on his second round of chemo but the last one didn't take, and even then when he announced he had cancer at first it wasn't (I have cancer but my doctors are hopeful) kind of post it was (despite what my doctors say I will make it) type of posts. Maybe I am reading too much into it but every post on the board feels like it might be his last. 

The last line means that if he had just dumped his wife the first time she cheated years ago he would have been much further ahead of where he was. If he was happily in his new life he may have caught the cancer because he wouldn't have thought the physical pain he was feeling was caused by her emotional pain causing nonsense. I think he said he ignored the pain for almost a year. 

There was a post from him at some point saying as much. Words to the effect of, "I think she deserves some of the blame for this as I was so upset about her cheating that I ignored the constant physical pain and exhaustion I felt every day and just assumed it was from how awful mentally I felt". 

I am also of the personal belief that repeated long term stress causes sickness, and this man spent years dealing with back stabbing POS for a wife.

Actually just read the post in the divorce thread with his name on it.


----------



## Taxman

https://www.reddit.com/r/survivingi...date_im_sitting_out_in_front_of_aps_house_to/

OP in this case tried reconciliation, until he caught her again. Swift and decisive.
There are a couple of postings that are tied together.


----------



## sokillme

Taxman said:


> https://www.reddit.com/r/survivingi...date_im_sitting_out_in_front_of_aps_house_to/
> 
> OP in this case tried reconciliation, until he caught her again. Swift and decisive.
> There are a couple of postings that are tied together.


I feel like I have read this before though. I have my suspicions on this one. But it doesn't mean the information isn't good.


----------



## happyhusband0005

Kamstel said:


> Worthy nominee: On SI, LtCdtLost, in the just Found Out forum!
> 
> 
> He was deployed overseas when a friend emailed him proof that wife was screwing around. He came back without her knowing and blew up her world.
> 
> https://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=620583&HL=63398
> 
> Don’t bother reading last few pages, the responders get crazy


WOW that was like being in a room listening to an invasion being planned.


----------



## sokillme

happyhusband0005 said:


> WOW that was like being in a room listening to an invasion being planned.


One of our good posters here pointed out some discrepancies in his army knowledge so I left him off the list.


----------



## sokillme

Here is a new one.


----------



## Taxman

Read Weaver's last post in that thread. The man is a champ. In fact, I would like every wayward to read that posting. That is what happens when you throw it all away....for nothing.

As far as Ohforanewme, my heart breaks for that man. She was a g-d damned monster. She really never got it, AND I hope, for his sake, that his will explicitly denies her one red rand (they are S. African), and if at all possible, that custody of his 2 children never revert to her on his demise. I am a firm believer that mental trauma often results in physical trauma. Therefore, I believe that his ex caused the cancer, and will ultimately be responsible for his death.


----------



## Taxman

Timeisonmyside:
Think this link will work. End of the day, the conclusion was that this guy was a troll.
https://talkaboutmarriage.com/copin...anning-leaving-me-she-doesnt-know-i-know.html


----------



## Taxman

https://www.reddit.com/r/survivingi...s_is_our_reconciliation_story_its_long_but_i/
This fellow moved through it like a champ, and his WW's world was levelled by the truth.


----------



## birmingham

I may be writing prematurely but I'm writing now, hopefully to forge resolve and resilience in my current process. 
i posted originally FIVE years ago about my initial discovery of my husband's infidelity. I am NOW deciding that I want to end the relationship. 
We had a talk yesterday in which I confronted him with evidence and the question if he could stay faithful to me. The answer was there a long time ago, but I didn't hear it, or believe it. I heard it verbally yesterday. 
I'm now exposing and psychologically preparing to move on. with action. small action. Five years later. I feel liberated and heartbroken. much more heartbroken though, right now. 
I've been reading many posts and will be posting and sharing more hopefully to support others in their processes.


----------



## Kamstel

Bump

This is a thread we need to read over and over!


----------



## sokillme

Taxman said:


> https://www.reddit.com/r/survivingi...s_is_our_reconciliation_story_its_long_but_i/
> This fellow moved through it like a champ, and his WW's world was levelled by the truth.


Until he took her back in the end it seemed like a really good piece of fiction. Terrible ending though.



> I feel I had to lose a part of the good in me so she can become a better person.


No happy ending in that, just a tragedy. If you have to lose some good to stay with a person then that person is a POS and you should move on.

Is there any true happy ending when people who take back a cheater. Even this guy who says he is happy writes that quote. I am getting to the point where I have a hard time believing the people that say they are happy. When you dig down they never really sound so, more like resigned.


----------



## She'sStillGotIt

sokillme said:


> Is there any true happy ending when people who take back a cheater. Even this guy who says he is happy writes that quote. I am getting to the point where I have a hard time believing the people that say they are happy. When you dig down they never really sound so, more like resigned.


In reading various stories on message boards around the internet, I've seen this question posed to betrayed spouses. A lot of them claim if they had it do *again*, they wouldn't have reconciled. Many claim that they're no longer dealing with infidelity (that they _know_ of, anyway) but what they lost from the marriage (memories, trust, hopes, dreams) as well as what they lost of themselves was a high price to pay, in retrospect.

Then you have the others who protest just a little *too* loudly about how 'successful' and how much '_happier_' their marriages are after they've reconciled. Jesus, to me that's like saying, "even though I was disrespected to my core and treated like something the cat threw up when my partner was cheating on me (and long *afterwards* while the lies continued and probably STILL continue to this day), I chose to eat a giant **** sandwich - and swallow my dignity right along with it - and stay with him/her, and now we're happier than ever!" 

Well alrighty, then.


----------



## sokillme

She'sStillGotIt said:


> In reading various stories on message boards around the internet, I've seen this question posed to betrayed spouses. A lot of them claim if they had it do *again*, they wouldn't have reconciled. Many claim that they're no longer dealing with infidelity (that they _know_ of, anyway) but what they lost from the marriage (memories, trust, hopes, dreams) as well as what they lost of themselves was a high price to pay, in retrospect.
> 
> Then you have the others who protest just a little *too* loudly about how 'successful' and how much '_happier_' their marriages are after they've reconciled. Jesus, to me that's like saying, "even though I was disrespected to my core and treated like something the cat threw up when my partner was cheating on me (and long *afterwards* while the lies continued and probably STILL continue to this day), I chose to eat a giant **** sandwich - and swallow my dignity right along with it - and stay with him/her, and now we're happier than ever!"
> 
> Well alrighty, then.


My thinking is what are they comparing it to? Even in the ones who had a terrible marriage before the cheating happened, they are still comparing there new marriage to a terrible marriage. Good and Happy are relative adjectives. Losing your soul for what you think is happiness sounds like a bad trade off. But if this is all you know then maybe you are willing to accept that. But maybe you should get out there and see if there is more to know.

Granted I started reading these sites with a bias that in almost all cases divorce was preferable but I have to say in my two years of reading these stories there hasn't been anything to make me think that isn't correct. 

I'm sure it's great from the WS point of view but most of the stories from the BS point of view read like - "It's true they ran me over with the car but they are really sorry about that now and our relationship is pretty good. They know they were an ass for running me over with that car", as they limp away. "I love them!"


----------



## She'sStillGotIt

Kamstel said:


> https://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=620583&HL=63398
> 
> Don’t bother reading last few pages, the responders get crazy


 Bahaha! I chose to go right to the last few pages to see the drama. Now why am I NOT surprised that *once again*, the resident lunatic "Sister Milkshake" is right in there spitting her vitriol as she always does? I guess she just can't stand it when others choose to divorce their cheater rather than desperately cling to them at *all* costs - like she did after her husband's 7 year long affair. 

I think deep down, her humiliation at choosing to eat a huge **** sandwich for the rest of her born days must _really_ be nagging at her because she's ALWAYS getting in disagreements over there with those who don't share her desperate views. The Stepford admins over there must feel sorry for her because she should have been banned LONG ago.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Something triggered my memory of this member's thread, thought it deserved a place here:

https://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/93642-i-abandoned-my-cheating-wife.html


----------



## sokillme

3Xnocharm said:


> Something triggered my memory of this member's thread, thought it deserved a place here:
> 
> https://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/93642-i-abandoned-my-cheating-wife.html


This is one of links in the first post.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

sokillme said:


> This is one of links in the first post.


HA missed it! :laugh:


----------



## Kamstel

One more nominee

https://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=619677&AP=1&HL=63023


----------



## sokillme

Kamstel said:


> One more nominee
> 
> https://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=619677&AP=1&HL=63023


Well we don't know the ending. I had my doubts about that one anyway. If it's true and to be believed once again a good man who is discarded like garbage. 

If so it's a clear reminder that once they start to cheat on you they have left the marriage. She was much more upset when she learned the POS she was boning was boning someone else at the same time then the loss of everything else in her life, husband, house, kids, job, reputation. Do people even wake up from this and get it? 

The thing with stories like this is I don't believe them even if they are true. In the sense that I think that if you were to examine this women and how she behaved in the marriage more closely I would suspect that there always were warning signs, it's just that he didn't (or maybe didn't want to) see it. 

I really don't think normal moral people are able to go off the rails like this, and frankly when I read the going off the rails stories it always comes out that this was a pattern from very early on in the marriage. They always had cheated earlier or pushed boundaries that were ignored. Not to say they don't have affairs but it's not like this. 

Anyway in the end I think the best course of actions is to accept that your cheating spouse has already given up on you and your marriage and you are just catching up. Even if they stay or want to stay their priorities before they got caught say the truth. Plus this women is just off, not a good choice.


----------



## Taxman

Kamstel said:


> One more nominee
> 
> https://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=619677&AP=1&HL=63023


Wasn't the OP in this one a member here as well?
Secondarily, was this not a troll? Something in my memory tells me that 20MLMM or whatever name he used was either embellishing or was just into writing a plausible novel.


----------



## Kamstel

Sorry for bad suggestion. Should I edit my last post to get rid of the link?


----------



## Taxman

And a new one that has not as yet resolved. Wow, this is just about the worst nightmare one can imagine.

https://www.reddit.com/r/survivingi...ate_i_havent_been_on_reddit_in_quite_a_while/


----------



## sokillme

Taxman said:


> And a new one that has not as yet resolved. Wow, this is just about the worst nightmare one can imagine.
> 
> https://www.reddit.com/r/survivingi...ate_i_havent_been_on_reddit_in_quite_a_while/


I'm glad you posted this. He seems to be doing well and moving towards a better life.


----------



## Taxman

sokillme said:


> I'm glad you posted this. He seems to be doing well and moving towards a better life.


Honestly, I have been around this for forty years, and whenever I think nothing can shock me, something does. Folks, I have but one thing to say, those of you that have had this happen in their relationship, this story serves as an example of what devastation can be wrought, years and years after the affair. There was something even less blatant last year on SI, it may even have a link here. I believe the poster was AmbivalentOne, and the post detailed discovery of an affair from long ago. She kept a digital record even though the affair had ended a decade earlier, and the OM was dead. Her poor husband stumbled across the evidence, and it blew his world to bits. She could not deal with him finding out, and took her own life several months later. The OP and his daughters were destroyed, and mom is now long gone, and has left three broken people in her wake. 

https://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=614285
https://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=618626&AP=1


----------



## sokillme

Taxman said:


> Honestly, I have been around this for forty years, and whenever I think nothing can shock me, something does. Folks, I have but one thing to say, those of you that have had this happen in their relationship, this story serves as an example of what devastation can be wrought, years and years after the affair. There was something even less blatant last year on SI, it may even have a link here. I believe the poster was AmbivalentOne, and the post detailed discovery of an affair from long ago. She kept a digital record even though the affair had ended a decade earlier, and the OM was dead. Her poor husband stumbled across the evidence, and it blew his world to bits. She could not deal with him finding out, and took her own life several months later. The OP and his daughters were destroyed, and mom is now long gone, and has left three broken people in her wake.
> 
> https://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=614285
> https://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=618626&AP=1


That is one of the worst ones. He has posted occasionally on other post but not much about his situation. 

This is really a positive story which is what I was going for in the thread.


----------



## StillSearching

You can add my name to the list.
joined 2013....freedom after years of TAM. March 2018
My story was so close to River Rat peeps thought I was him.
TAM thought my story was made up for a year. Because it was so strange. 
I just want to thank all of ya'll here. I got my life and sanity back!


----------



## farsidejunky

I had forgotten about that one. 

How ****ing tragic...SMH.



Taxman said:


> Honestly, I have been around this for forty years, and whenever I think nothing can shock me, something does. Folks, I have but one thing to say, those of you that have had this happen in their relationship, this story serves as an example of what devastation can be wrought, years and years after the affair. There was something even less blatant last year on SI, it may even have a link here. I believe the poster was AmbivalentOne, and the post detailed discovery of an affair from long ago. She kept a digital record even though the affair had ended a decade earlier, and the OM was dead. Her poor husband stumbled across the evidence, and it blew his world to bits. She could not deal with him finding out, and took her own life several months later. The OP and his daughters were destroyed, and mom is now long gone, and has left three broken people in her wake.
> 
> https://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=614285
> https://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=618626&AP=1


----------



## sokillme

Seriously guys I started this thread to empower people not show them the worst possible outcomes. Showing the ONE story where the wife who is clearly mentally ill commit suicide is only going to scare people from moving on.

YOU GUYS ARE NOT HELPING!


----------



## BluesPower

Taxman said:


> Wasn't the OP in this one a member here as well?
> Secondarily, was this not a troll? Something in my memory tells me that 20MLMM or whatever name he used was either embellishing or was just into writing a plausible novel.


Was this guy a troll? Is that confirmed? 

Just wanted to know for sure so I don't waste my time with it?


----------



## Taxman

BluesPower said:


> Was this guy a troll? Is that confirmed?
> 
> Just wanted to know for sure so I don't waste my time with it?


Its a good read, however, it leaves you hanging.


----------



## Kamstel

Bump
(Because this needs to be read by everyone going through this Hell)


----------



## AttaBoy

If you all haven't read Director23 over on SI you're missing out on a guy who showed amazing qualities of disciplined action and restraint, and resilience in the wake of wave after wave of wayward gut punches. 

Big picture items: 
Wife of 3 years had an affair 2 years into marriage. 
Have 2 year old son. 
Wife pregnant and birthed OM child. 
D-Day 1-10-19 
Filed for D on 2-7-19
Divorce mediation currently underway.

Newly betrayed can see a roadmap for not only living through one of the worst WW imaginable, but doing it in a very respectable way and keeping his dignity intact. 

Thread #1:
https://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=634854
Thread #2:
https://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=635561


----------



## Wazza

sokillme said:


> Seriously guys I started this thread to empower people not show them the worst possible outcomes. Showing the ONE story where the wife who is clearly mentally ill commit suicide is only going to scare people from moving on.
> 
> YOU GUYS ARE NOT HELPING!


You mean you only want to see posts that confirm your bias. :wink2:


----------



## Kamstel

I believe that sokillme’s motives an action in starting this thread is EXACTLY what many people who have recently discovered their spouses have been betraying them need to read!!!! 

They are probably been getting bombarded by family, friends, and the cheaters that they need to accept the poo-poo sandwich they have been handed and should get over it and return to their wonderful marriage, after, it was only a mistake, a slight lapse of judgement!

Those that recently discovered that their marriage is a lie need to know that they don’t have to accept it! They can move on to a much brighter future!!!!


----------



## Kamstel

An old update on SpaceGhost007. It is 2 years old, but was 3 years after the affair

https://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=613476&AP=21&HL=46539


----------



## Kamstel

Not sure if this was ever posted. SI thread about a rich husband and entitled cheating trophy wife runs off to Europe with poor lover. She is still trying to get back with him. He does a great job 

https://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=604543&HL=58437


----------



## Taxman

Bump for some newer members.


----------



## Taxman

https://www.reddit.com/r/survivingi...te_5_im_sitting_out_in_front_of_aps_house_to/
Situation from last year resolved. (check post 33 in this thread.)


----------



## BluesPower

Taxman said:


> https://www.reddit.com/r/survivingi...te_5_im_sitting_out_in_front_of_aps_house_to/
> Situation from last year resolved. (check post 33 in this thread.)


I glanced at that. Kind of sounds like he decided to eat the sandwich after "SHE" decided to reconcile? 

Am I reading that one right? Reddit is so hard to follow for me.


----------



## sokillme

BluesPower said:


> I glanced at that. Kind of sounds like he decided to eat the sandwich after "SHE" decided to reconcile?
> 
> Am I reading that one right? Reddit is so hard to follow for me.


Yes which means this post doesn't really fit here. 

Having now spent years now trying to understand how this all works I have grown to understand that the aftermath of most infidelity is really the betrayed spouses coming to terms or sometimes willfully refusing to accept that their partner doesn't love them, and the cheating spouses inability to understand that they are not emotionally healthy enough to love anyone. 

If there is no progress then it's almost always about either parties not being willing to accept this fact for some poor souls even for a whole lifetime. 

The answer to ending the cycle of pain is just to accept this fact whatever your choice is after that moving forward. That is the truth that will set you free. This and for the betrayed spouse to also have the courage to also allow yourself to believe that just because one person doesn't love you doesn't mean that someone else won't.


----------



## BluesPower

sokillme said:


> Yes which means this post doesn't really fit here.
> 
> Having now spent years now trying to understand how this all works I have grown to understand that the aftermath of most infidelity is really the betrayed spouses coming to terms or sometimes willfully refusing to accept that their partner doesn't love them, and the cheating spouses inability to understand that they are not emotionally healthy enough to love anyone.
> 
> If there is no progress then it's almost always about either parties not being willing to accept this fact for some poor souls even for a whole lifetime.
> 
> The answer to ending the cycle of pain is just to accept this fact whatever your choice is after that moving forward. That is the truth that will set you free. This and for the betrayed spouse to also have the courage to also allow yourself to believe that just because one person doesn't love you doesn't mean that someone else won't.


Agreed. 

Which is all the more reason to pull the plug. 

I know some people "Think They Made It", like this guy. I don't see it that way. 

So who knows...


----------



## sokillme

BluesPower said:


> Agreed.
> 
> Which is all the more reason to pull the plug.
> 
> I know some people "Think They Made It", like this guy. I don't see it that way.
> 
> So who knows...


I guess the other thing I have learned is what other people may accept in their life may be very different then what we are willing to. 

I think where I have the issue is when it seems like those who are reconciling choose to bend reality into a pretzel just to avoid facing it. I mean if you want to believe in the tooth fairy so be it but don't tell me I have to. Besides they really never stop suffering when they do that. If you are still struggling years later it's probably not the affair but your inability of more like refusal to accept the truth.


----------



## Kamstel

Just wanted to keep this thread active because I think many need to read it


----------



## Kamstel

She wanted to be with another woman. Now she will get the opportunity to be with as many women as she wants, probably significant more! 

Do you happen to know if her girlfriend is in the same prison?


----------



## Kamstel2

Bump


----------



## Tilted 1

Numb26, add him to the list


----------



## Kamstel2

Here is the link to Numb26’s thred 

Talk About Marriage


----------



## sokillme

This guy has it right!


----------



## Kamstel2

bump


----------



## Kamstel2

Time for my monthly bump....

but seriously, anyone new to being cheated on should look at this thread closely.

good luck


----------



## Divinely Favored

I think Wrangler Man rocked it in Always Wary. Nuked it all and moved to Europe for work. Has everyone notified by team of PI's. Family, bosses of WW and POSOM. Sent out notices to friends of theirs and OM's friends with info about OM buying a strapon for WW yo use on the OM. She was served as well as the employers while at a horse show in another state. POSOM was jockey at horse show.


----------



## sokillme

Adding our boy Cromer to the list.


----------



## Kamstel2

Sokillme, can you edit your last post to include my thread where Cromer comes back and gives everyone an update on how he’s doing?


----------



## Kamstel2

here is the link for wranglernan









Always wary.


I will always be wary of new people being added on to social media, especially single guys. Back later to tell you what web watcher has to say about internet activities in the last 52hrs. Could be nothing, trust but verify!!!




www.talkaboutmarriage.com


----------



## Divinely Favored

Cromer's buddy needs to be on the list. His 25 year wife hooked up with ex BF at HS reunion 10-15 yrs prior and he found an email from classreunion.co website. Called ole boy who was also married with kids and guy confirmed sex in parking lot. He left his wife and stayed at the Bunny Ranch for a while creating reviews for all the girls and what each is best at. Now lives with a hot 20 something on a 40' boat in the Keys. Ex lives with her elderly mom.


----------



## No Longer Lonely Husband

Kamstel said:


> Worthy nominee: On SI, LtCdtLost, in the just Found Out forum!
> 
> 
> He was deployed overseas when a friend emailed him proof that wife was screwing around. He came back without her knowing and blew up her world.
> 
> SurvivingInfidelity.com - General Forum
> 
> Don’t bother reading last few pages, the responders get crazy


LtCmdrLost was a troll. He was easy to figure out. His promotion timeline was totally unrealistic, story too clinical and lacking emotion, and wayyyy too much military jargon.Having gone through infidelity, and being Marine, I rode the emotional rollercoaster And was all over the radar with my mood swings. I am a tough guy, but was emasculated and devastated.

This guy’s posts were sort of too much “John Wayne”. No body IMHO is that emotionless when hit with infidelity.


----------



## farsidejunky

No Longer Lonely Husband said:


> LtCmdrLost was a troll. He was easy to figure out. His promotion timeline was totally unrealistic, story too clinical and lacking emotion, and wayyyy too much military jargon.Having gone through infidelity, and being Marine, I rode the emotional rollercoaster And was all over the radar with my mood swings. I am a tough guy, but was emasculated and devastated.
> 
> This guy’s posts were sort of too much “John Wayne”. No body IMHO is that emotionless when hit with infidelity.


All machismo, no sense.

Sent from my Pixel 3 XL using Tapatalk


----------



## Kamstel2

Time for periodic bump


----------



## Kamstel2

Should I stop bumping this?


----------



## Lance Mannion

I read the SpaceGhost007 story but because the page design on SI sucks donkey balls, I had no way of finding out what happened to him after his thread end (I saw him post in other threads) so does anyone know if there is more to his story?


----------



## sokillme

Lance Mannion said:


> I read the SpaceGhost007 story but because the page design on SI sucks donkey balls, I had no way of finding out what happened to him after his thread end (I saw him post in other threads) so does anyone know if there is more to his story?


You can probably find it through Google if you search for his name on SI (you use the key command "Site:" with the URL of the site you want to search as a part of it) under his name, if it's not posted in this thread, it might be.

If I remember right his ex tried to commit suicide after a while and her parents? or someone contacted him and they are friends now. In my mind it doesn't seem like it's a happy ending because it doesn't sound like he has had the chance to move on now. Doesn't sound like she has either. 

That's the thing with almost all of these stories, assuming you had a pretty decent marriage and no one is a psychopath their is always so much damage after the fact for everyone. All to have an orgasm, or hear some nice words.

If your unhappy say something, and if can't be fixed move on with honor and dignity. So you can keep your own dignity.


----------



## Kamstel2

Lance Mannion said:


> I read the SpaceGhost007 story but because the page design on SI sucks donkey balls, I had no way of finding out what happened to him after his thread end (I saw him post in other threads) so does anyone know if there is more to his story?



He is still around.
They got divorced, and he moved down to Florida for work, then Carolina? And last i knew back to Florida. 

The wife tried to get him back, including once showing up next to his car at work, on a night he had a potential date. 

He is dating but it seems he refuses to get serious about anyone because of how badly he was burned. 

Think he says that the ex is single and doesn’t go out much. She ultimately moved to Florida as well. She said that she felt that everyone was staring at her and making comments because she did what she did and threw away SG.

If I’m wrong, or if anyone knows more, please post.


----------



## Lance Mannion

Here's one which is still playing out.
*





I think my wife is cheating on me with a coworker


I am sorry for a long post but i feel it is important to have a background. Me (32), my wife is 33. Married for 10 years, together for almost 13. Two kids (5 and 3). I am an IT guy, she works in finance. We have (or at least I think we have) a good marriage. Great and open communication, lots of ...



www.loveshack.org




*


----------



## Lance Mannion

One more. Divorce was on the plate from the moment of discovery right to the end game.









Is anything going on


OK, let me please start with a short preamble. It seems to me that I have no other choice now but to reach out to the Internet. It feels absolutely weird to write to a public forum about most intimate aspects of my life. Trust me, I have tried all other venues with no luck. Gosh, I dont even know...




www.loveshack.org


----------



## Kamstel2

Lance Mannion said:


> Here's one which is still playing out.
> *
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> I think my wife is cheating on me with a coworker
> 
> 
> I am sorry for a long post but i feel it is important to have a background. Me (32), my wife is 33. Married for 10 years, together for almost 13. Two kids (5 and 3). I am an IT guy, she works in finance. We have (or at least I think we have) a good marriage. Great and open communication, lots of ...
> 
> 
> 
> www.loveshack.org
> 
> 
> 
> 
> *



He moved to SI just the other day... here is the new thread. In one of his latest entries he states that he is leaning toward R. I wish him well.









SurvivingInfidelity.com - General Forum


Surviving infidelity support forums for those affected by infidelity and cheating




www.survivinginfidelity.com


----------



## Kamstel2

Kamstel2 said:


> He moved to SI just the other day... here is the new thread. In one of his latest entries he states that he is leaning toward R. I wish him well.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> SurvivingInfidelity.com - General Forum
> 
> 
> Surviving infidelity support forums for those affected by infidelity and cheating
> 
> 
> 
> 
> www.survivinginfidelity.com



He just told his wife that he wants a divorce. 

I wish him well.


----------



## sokillme

Since we don't get a lot of this on these sites, here is, in my opinion, how an emotionally strong and healthy person reacts to being cheated on.

By the way the advice on the site is also awesome as usual.


----------



## Andy1001

sokillme said:


> Since we don't get a lot of this on these sites, here is, in my opinion, how an emotionally strong and healthy person reacts to being cheated on.
> 
> By the way the advice on the site is also awesome as usual.


The guy seems to be amazed at his cheating wife’s reaction. She is the epitome of someone in the fog. 
Now that her fairytale world has come crashing down around her ears she’s completely dumbfounded. Reconciliation would be a complete waste of time at this stage, she is just sorry she got caught.


----------



## sokillme

Andy1001 said:


> The guy seems to be amazed at his cheating wife’s reaction. She is the epitome of someone in the fog.
> Now that her fairytale world has come crashing down around her ears she’s completely dumbfounded. Reconciliation would be a complete waste of time at this stage, she is just sorry she got caught.


Agreed. You only start to understand the reaction once you come to the understanding that these people think of their spouse like a thing for their edification not a human being with feelings and autonomy. As a means to an end, so when that "means to an end" suddenly goes away they are crying. It's like their house suddenly told them they could no longer live in it again. Or the money in their bank account. Someone took away her candy. 

But in no way is she sorry for the pain she caused him. Understanding this is a big part of the reason why I am typically down on R. It's such a bad deal and not just because of the cheating but because of the way the cheater dehumanize the people who love them.


----------



## Kamstel2

Too bad he delete his original post.
Hope he is ok


----------



## RebuildingMe

It looks like Thumos is back peddling, although I was never convinced that he was going to ever D anyway. His health was always an excuse to stay in the marriage. That always sounded backwards to me.


----------



## Galabar01

I hope Thumos stands his ground and moves out of infidelity.


----------



## gr8ful1

Kamstel2 said:


> Too bad he delete his original post.


Doesn’t look like he removed it. The reddit mods did to “keep the community safe” - barf. I wanted to read it. Anyone got a cached link?


----------



## Kamstel2

gr8ful1 said:


> Doesn’t look like he removed it. The reddit mods did to “keep the community safe” - barf. I wanted to read it. Anyone got a cached link?


Guess not. Hope he is doing well


----------



## sokillme

I wanted to add this here because it's a very good description of infidelity and what it feels like to be a BS.



__
https://www.reddit.com/r/survivinginfidelity/comments/knqyae


----------



## sokillme

Adding a new one. 

Just textbook.

Continuing.


----------



## ShatteredKat

Kamstel said:


> Worthy nominee: On SI, LtCdtLost, in the just Found Out forum!
> 
> 
> He was deployed overseas when a friend emailed him proof that wife was screwing around. He came back without her knowing and blew up her world.
> 
> SurvivingInfidelity.com - General Forum
> 
> Don’t bother reading last few pages, the responders get crazy


SI site mods/owners/whatevers have him pegged as a "very good (my words)" troll - but if you are military you will see "holes" in his postings


----------



## Kamstel2

ShatteredKat,
Why would someone go to that length... just write it as a short story and get it published someplace. 

well, it was a good story. Maybe some poor Betrayed can still gain some strength from his work of fiction


----------



## sokillme

Adding this new one, though I will admit his writing style reminds me of another familiar poster linked on this tread who died of a prolonged illness. Who knows.


----------



## ShatteredKat

Thumos:









SurvivingInfidelity.com - General Forum


Surviving infidelity support forums for those affected by infidelity and cheating




www.survivinginfidelity.com












SurvivingInfidelity.com - General Forum


Surviving infidelity support forums for those affected by infidelity and cheating




www.survivinginfidelity.com





seems he is still on the fence leaning a bit more - just my interpretation


----------



## sokillme

ShatteredKat said:


> Thumos:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> SurvivingInfidelity.com - General Forum
> 
> 
> Surviving infidelity support forums for those affected by infidelity and cheating
> 
> 
> 
> 
> www.survivinginfidelity.com
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> SurvivingInfidelity.com - General Forum
> 
> 
> Surviving infidelity support forums for those affected by infidelity and cheating
> 
> 
> 
> 
> www.survivinginfidelity.com
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> seems he is still on the fence leaning a bit more - just my interpretation


I consider Thurmos a friend and respect his intelligence and emotional insight, but I am not even sure he would label himself as someone "who move through it with action". So I am not sure his story fits the thread, maybe as a cautionary tail as as far as the point of this thread. As I see it he is very much still exactly where he was. He certainly is suffering and caught in limbo.


----------



## ShatteredKat

Thumos - deep thinking man and, to me, seems to be a part of his decision process - don't make any move quickly or something like that. He says he realizes the WW have bestowed on him a lifetime memory. So maybe "better to be with the devil you know rather than possibly get with one you don' know?"



Some men can get over another poking their wife (a few times) - (SI: Beyond Rage) or just no (SI: SpaceGhost0007) and others have their reasons for taking a long time to make a change. (SI: TheWrongOne) - I have seen same type of stories here on TAM.


----------



## sokillme

Found a new one to add. I have some doubts but who knows at the very least it makes for some good reading on your holiday weekend. 


__
https://www.reddit.com/r/survivinginfidelity/comments/iqrtds

part 2


__
https://www.reddit.com/r/survivinginfidelity/comments/iv8gfh

part 3


__
https://www.reddit.com/r/survivinginfidelity/comments/jiykdn


----------



## Asterix

sokillme said:


> Adding a new one.
> 
> Just textbook.
> 
> Continuing.


Would you please update the links? 

I think they changed their website and most of the links from that website are broken because of that.


----------



## sokillme

Asterix said:


> Would you please update the links?
> 
> I think they changed their website and most of the links from that website are broken because of that.


Unfortunately I don't think I can, they changed the site. I believe this happened because someone was posting this stuff on YouTube and making money off it. I suspect the change was on purpose.

Maybe after the new site is indexed by google I might be able to figure it out. 

So I was able to figure out how to find the links and updated mine. So if anyone wants to update theirs here is how you do it.

Go to google and do a search on -

site: survivinginfidelity.com [The index number of the post]

Without the brackets and substituting the index number of the post in the link. You can find that by copying the URL of the link in question, there will be a group of numbers listed after the "tid=" in the URL address. Your browser will have something like "copy link" if you right click on it to get the text of the link. You only want the numbers so strip out everything else. So it should look something like this when you are done -

site: survivinginfidelity.com 640195

Search for that in google and one of the results will be the post. You can then just update the URL or read it if you want.

The new site layout is awful by the way, and I am not longer banned which is weird.


----------



## Galabar01

ArthurGPym: Am I Overreacting?


----------



## Kamstel2

Bump


----------



## Kamstel2

Yes, it is that time of the month, the time to bump this thread!


----------



## Asterix

Is it time to bump this thread yet?


----------



## Taxman

Asterix said:


> Is it time to bump this thread yet?


Yup sure is. There is another thread building at SI. Seems that WW intentionally got pregnant by OM, BH just found out. Paternity fraud city.


----------



## Diceplayer

Taxman said:


> Yup sure is. There is another thread building at SI. Seems that WW intentionally got pregnant by OM, BH just found out. Paternity fraud city.


Do you have a link or a title?


----------



## Asterix

@Taxman , curious minds want to know


----------



## DownByTheRiver

sokillme said:


> So one of my last post got me thinking about the post where people successfully moved on from the people who cheated on them and seem to be better off. My contention is that swift action even if it is years later helps with healing. I thought I would like a few. If you know other please post.
> 
> The top spaceghost
> 
> river rat, better late then never
> 
> The female version of spaceghost
> 
> above 3 months out
> 
> The husband in this thread, who is not the poster is a boss. Handled it perfectly
> 
> Continued..
> 
> Not sure if this is a happy or unhappy ending.
> 
> This guy did good.
> 
> Here is a good story as related by another poster.
> 
> There is hope with action. Any others feel free to add to the list.
> 
> 
> Here is a perspective from a repentant wayward wife. It gives you a good idea why you should act from strength.


I think if someone can accept reality that the person wasn't who they hoped they were and be decisive early on, it leaves them in a healthier state then the ones who hang on and hope for some resolution or some justification and humiliate themselves in the process. That's really hard on the self-esteem. Unfortunately there aren't any who can think that clearly right away. I know I couldn't.


----------



## sokillme

DownByTheRiver said:


> I think if someone can accept reality that the person wasn't who they hoped they were and be decisive early on, it leaves them in a healthier state then the ones who hang on and hope for some resolution or some justification and humiliate themselves in the process. That's really hard on the self-esteem. Unfortunately there aren't any who can think that clearly right away. I know I couldn't.


I think it's accepting the reality of who they are and that they have value in or out of a relationship.


----------



## DownByTheRiver

sokillme said:


> I think it's accepting the reality of who they are and that they have value in or out of a relationship.


Yes, that's a big part of it for many. I always knew I had value and never relied on a relationship for that, but after a painful break up or episode, you know emotions can just take over and barely give you a brain a chance to kick in with the logic.


----------



## Taxman

Asterix said:


> @Taxman , curious minds want to know


Check out ShouldHaveStayedAsleep in JFO. Apparently used another guy to get pregnant. Defending herself by saying she did what had to be done. Yuuuuuuppppp.

My counsel to this woman would be: Get ready for the lawsuit, tell the sperm donor and his wife to get ready for the lawsuit. Had one ten years back, partner in the firm's neighbor, discovered that all 3 were not his, but, they were genetically full siblings. That meant that it was a long term affair, or she purposely used another guy to get pregnant. We. dropped. a. bomb. It was a long term affair. We sued her for paternity fraud. She, or rather her parents were wealthy, and were quite interested in keeping their family name clean. They offered literal millions for their son in law to stay in the marriage. He countered by telling them that he would not rat their daughter out for the same financial offer. They took it. He disappeared quietly. His name was removed from three birth certificates. He lives on the west coast, in a warm sunny climate, in a lovely home purchased with his silence. He has a nice lifestyle and lives with a nice woman. She knows all about his history, and knows that he will never again want a family. She is good with that.


----------



## sokillme

I am posting a response from the user *Sordid* on SI.

This is one of the wisest post I have ever read and needs to be immortalized.

It's funny (not 'laugh' funny, but 'strange' funny) how many betrayed spouses continue to say, "But I still love WS", after WS has behaved so badly for such a long period of time.​​A one night stand? Sure. An emotional affair that lasted for six weeks and then WS realized it was wrong and came clean and took every step they could to go no contact? Yeah, I get it.​​But when the WS acts in a way that is consistent with how a psychopath would act-- repeated events over a prolonged period of time, each one of which shows a lack of even basic human empathy for BS (never mind the empathy that you'd expect of a spouse), the ease and fluidity with which they tell lies, both explicit and implied, the lack of respect for BS and children, and so on-- that's where I don't get the "I still love them." Love that is so unconditional seems worthless to me. If I can do or say anything-- literally anything-- and it won't cause you to stop loving me, then why is your love valuable to me in the first place? It's obviously not _me_ you love; it's some abstract notion of me. I want to be loved because of who I am, and if I change enough, I expect that love to cease.​​I wonder how often the BS is really in love with a mental construct of their WS, not the actual WS themself. I wonder how often "dependency" is mistaken for "love". I wonder how often the declaration of love is driven purely by intellect, and doesn't reflect actual emotion.​​The person that has taken the actions that your wife has is not someone I could fall in love with _(editors note: cheating, caught then followed to a hotel, pictures taken, when relieved, still lied about it, says no sex, <same old/same old>_). I doubt if it's someone you could have fallen in love with. Maybe give some thought to how much you continue to really love her-- and if the answer is that you still genuinely love her a bunch, then maybe examining "Why am I still so much in love with someone who I would not fall in love with in the first place if I knew who they really were?"​​Sordid, not sure if they are on here or not, but if you are... respect.


----------



## asc1226

I haven’t seen Westway from SI mentioned. Took him about two and a half weeks to go from maybe I’ll stick around till the kids are gone to get me the h*ll out of here.









SurvivingInfidelity.com - General Forum


Surviving infidelity support forums for those affected by infidelity and cheating




www.survivinginfidelity.com


----------



## Kamstel2

Not sure if this guy from Reddit has been posted here or not.
D day was 3 years ago and he seems to be reaching his happily ever after point.

YHGTBKMM PROFILE:








YHGTBKMM (u/YHGTBKMM) - Reddit


u/YHGTBKMM:




www.reddit.com





Discovery and having wife served:

__
https://www.reddit.com/r/survivinginfidelity/comments/9m57di

Update

__
https://www.reddit.com/r/survivinginfidelity/comments/9t813g

Update 2:

__
https://www.reddit.com/r/survivinginfidelity/comments/9tsm6r

Update 3:

__
https://www.reddit.com/r/survivinginfidelity/comments/9xv4ef


Update 4:

__
https://www.reddit.com/r/survivinginfidelity/comments/a3ecuk

Update 5:
r/survivinginfidelity - [Rant] It's finally dawned on me...NOW

update 6
r/survivinginfidelity - Officially divorced. Plus, the date with OBS.(TMI warning)

Update 7
r/survivinginfidelity - [Update] Things are meh right now.

Update 8
r/survivinginfidelity - I know you guys were worried about me


----------



## Kamstel2

Bump


----------



## Kamstel2

Bump.

am I the only one reading this thread?????


----------



## Diceplayer

Not at all. I love reading about people who do it right. Trouble is, there's so many limp d**ks out there that there's not many stories that would fit in this thread.


----------



## DosEquis

Gotta add this one









SurvivingInfidelity.com - General Forum


Surviving infidelity support forums for those affected by infidelity and cheating




www.survivinginfidelity.com


----------



## jlg07

DosEquis said:


> Gotta add this one
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> SurvivingInfidelity.com - General Forum
> 
> 
> Surviving infidelity support forums for those affected by infidelity and cheating
> 
> 
> 
> 
> www.survivinginfidelity.com


Good what he did on D-Day, but short in the longer term details. Him saying that he was wrong, and owed an apology to his ex is BS, she "fell on her sword" for him -- again BS.
This was back in 2018 -- wonder how he is doing NOW?


----------



## DosEquis

Then theres this guy


__
https://www.reddit.com/r/survivinginfidelity/comments/e2fyeu

And this guy (epic)


__
https://www.reddit.com/r/NuclearRevenge/comments/kn8whm


----------



## jlg07

and a few follow on's from that user:





[FINAL UPDATE] Aftermath of STBXW's suicide attempt : Kermit_Defrogg


717 votes, 122 comments. I'm writing this here as a form of therapy. A way to get my thoughts out in a pragmatic way. Today...against everything I …




www.reddit.com









[REPOST] Where things are, where things are going : Kermit_Defrogg


339 votes, 68 comments. NOTE: THIS IS A REPOST OF MY LAST UPDATE, WHICH WAS MADE OVER A MONTH AGO. The post was locked and removed from , so I'm …




www.reddit.com









The end and farewell : Kermit_Defrogg


843 votes, 223 comments. This will be the official final entry into the tale of how I found out my wife of 23 years was cheating on me, and the …




www.reddit.com


----------



## DosEquis

SurvivingInfidelity.com - General Forum


Surviving infidelity support forums for those affected by infidelity and cheating




www.survivinginfidelity.com


----------



## oldshirt

Kamstel2 said:


> Not sure if this guy from Reddit has been posted here or not.
> D day was 3 years ago and he seems to be reaching his happily ever after point.
> 
> YHGTBKMM PROFILE:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> YHGTBKMM (u/YHGTBKMM) - Reddit
> 
> 
> u/YHGTBKMM:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> www.reddit.com
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Discovery and having wife served:
> 
> __
> https://www.reddit.com/r/survivinginfidelity/comments/9m57di
> 
> Update
> 
> __
> https://www.reddit.com/r/survivinginfidelity/comments/9t813g
> 
> Update 2:
> 
> __
> https://www.reddit.com/r/survivinginfidelity/comments/9tsm6r
> 
> Update 3:
> 
> __
> https://www.reddit.com/r/survivinginfidelity/comments/9xv4ef
> 
> 
> Update 4:
> 
> __
> https://www.reddit.com/r/survivinginfidelity/comments/a3ecuk
> 
> Update 5:
> r/survivinginfidelity - [Rant] It's finally dawned on me...NOW
> 
> update 6
> r/survivinginfidelity - Officially divorced. Plus, the date with OBS.(TMI warning)
> 
> Update 7
> r/survivinginfidelity - [Update] Things are meh right now.
> 
> Update 8
> r/survivinginfidelity - I know you guys were worried about me


This may be a little off topic, but I read this whole saga and this and stories like it where the WW is begging to come back has me feeling strangely melancholy. Here this gal was having a two year affair with some dude she obviously had the hots for and thought a lot of at time.. 

But when she got busted, she spent years trying to get back with the OP. I know that is not unusual at all. But I guess the reason it has me feeling weird is I feel like my wife could walk out the door tonight and never look back and never speak to me or even of me again... and she's not even with anyone else (that I know of)

And same if I were to walk. If I had my bags packed and loaded in the car and said I was leaving or that I was taking off to be with someone else, she would demand financial compensation and her fair share of the asset division, but I doubt she would shed a tear. 

That OP's story was of his WW's affair was painful to read and he went through hell and I know he was torn at times on whether he was doing the right thing or not in divorcing her. But deep down he at least knows she wanted to remain with him (perhaps not for purely virtuous reasons but still...) 

Mine probably wouldn't bat an eye with or without an affair.


----------



## DosEquis

This


----------



## DosEquis

This guy.


----------



## Tempocontour

There was a story somewhere I read a while back. Maybe someone here can find it and put the link here.

A young couple. BH found out that his wife was having sex with her bosses (husband and wife) in their office on a weeknight. How he found out - he wanted to be nice and surprise his wife by buying takeout and took it to her office since she was working late on a week night as usual. When he got to the office door it was locked so he walked around to her office window. Low and behold he saw his wife having sex with the husband boss while the wife boss was looking on. The ww was working for this boss couple since 16(?) years old and come to find out that she has been doing this ever since. WW thought this was normal so never talked to her BH about this. After all this came to light, the husband and wife bosses wanted to worked this out but the BH did not want anything to do with them and the WW. The WW after talking with BH realise that this sex during working late was not the normal so she was going to sue the husband and wife bosses. BH was telling us that he knew both husband and wife bosses thru WW and that they were very nice to the BH and WW, even gave them a great wedding present. Now BH knew why. At the end the BH and WW was supposedly going to divorce.


----------



## asc1226

Pretty sure that was from Reddit. I think the BH was a firefighter.


----------



## CrapMan

This a great post started by SoKillMe. I have it saved as a bookmark and read the links periodically. TAM, SI, LS, & Reddit infidelity forums have given me a light of insight into the damage I caused in previous relationships with my cheating. I am a man of action and applaud the folks that don't put up the sh1t sandwich handed to them.


----------



## bygone

"walloped", 

Walloped's soul is dead, his personality is dead, he doesn't trust his wife, he doesn't believe, he can't stay with her, he can't leave, the story of turning a truly healthy person into an empty shell

She didn't get divorced because she loved her husband!

I guess love is not a universal definition. our surprise because of it,


----------



## CrapMan

I'm confused...


----------



## DosEquis

bygone said:


> "walloped",
> 
> Walloped's soul is dead, his personality is dead, he doesn't trust his wife, he doesn't believe, he can't stay with her, he can't leave, the story of turning a truly healthy person into an empty shell
> 
> She didn't get divorced because she loved her husband!
> 
> I guess love is not a universal definition. our surprise because of it,


Ive always wondered about the Wallopeds. His story is crushing. The littany of her sexual exploits with the POS is *devastating. *And yet, he took her back.

Then, when she starts to post in the Wayward Side, she always talk of how beaten down he was. How he didnt smile with his eyes anymore. Like he had changed from this vivacious, fun loving, engaged guy, to a shell of who he was prior. Then he stops posting alltogether. She admits that if they didnt have younger kids at home, he'd probably be gone. Maybe he should have.

Really sad story.


----------



## bygone

Wallopeds are the same as the stories you read here every day

Mr. Walloped is also someone who loves his wife and does not want to get divorced by considering values such as religion, children and family.

He hurt himself emotionally and physically.


Mrs. Walloped is a scammer who writes long meaningful articles but does not carry her words to her life.

she dreamed of a future with a rich man, caught, surprised that the man was married,

Had she not been caught, the relationship would still have continued.

om would have stayed with her if he was single.

There is no reason to believe that even now she has no backup plan, has not made contact with OM in the process, has not dreamed of OM, has not found a new OM.

In her last post she had begun to consider leaving Mr. Walloped.


----------



## Kamstel2

bygone said:


> Wallopeds are the same as the stories you read here every day
> 
> 
> In her last post she had begun to consider leaving Mr. Walloped.



Mrs. Walloped leaving would be the best thing for him!


----------



## Rubix Cubed

This one is shaping up to be solid.








Last to know


Just had a call from an old friend who said he was concerned about me. Said that a mutual friend of ours has been having an ongoing affair with my wife and even shared pictures of them having sex and going to alternative lifestyle parties. What do I do now? I want to confront my wife and this...




www.talkaboutmarriage.com


----------



## Chillidog

SurvivingInfidelity.com - General Forum


Surviving infidelity support forums for those affected by infidelity and cheating




www.survivinginfidelity.com


----------



## Kamstel2

__
https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/ykref7

Don’t worry, it has NOT been removed

Guy is a SAHD, caught his wife cheating with a guy that worked for her. They POS was not only married, but the POS’s wife was battling cancer while he is screwing the boss!

The op seems to be doing as well as can be expected.


----------



## DosEquis

This guy. Part 2.


----------



## gr8ful1

Kamstel2 said:


> __
> https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/ykref7
> 
> Don’t worry, it has NOT been removed
> 
> Guy is a SAHD, caught his wife cheating with a guy that worked for her. They POS was not only married, but the POS’s wife was battling cancer while he is screwing the boss!
> 
> The op seems to be doing as well as can be expected.


I didn’t see one reply from the OP - only the “preserved post”. Are any of OP’s subsequent posts there?


----------



## Rubix Cubed

gr8ful1 said:


> I didn’t see one reply from the OP - only the “preserved post”. Are any of OP’s subsequent posts there?


 Me neither, and from what was there he was doing nothing but being weak.


----------



## Chillidog

gr8ful1 said:


> I didn’t see one reply from the OP - only the “preserved post”. Are any of OP’s subsequent posts there?


If you click OP's user name it will take you to his page. From there click his post. He has several updates.


----------



## Rubix Cubed

Chillidog said:


> If you click OP's user name it will take you to his page. From there click his post. He has several updates.


Thanks.
I was wondering ...
e.t.a. He's definitely dealing with it efficiently.


----------



## gr8ful1

I found the rest. Holy ****. That AW (I prefer to write Adulterous Wife over the minimizing “Wayward”) has a straight up evil streak, doing what she did not only to the BH but also to the OBS battling cancer. No way AW didn’t know after ****ing the AP for more than a year. Great to see OP not even giving R a moment’s thought.


----------



## Kamstel2

Update 1

__
https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/ylat4t

Update 2





Caught my wife, of 13 years, cheating with a co-worker UPDATE 2 : throwAway_SAHDplease


980 votes, 62 comments. Hey everyone, I just want to thank you to all who sent me good messages over this period. I have been feeling down and …




www.reddit.com






Update 3





Caught my wife, of 13 years, cheating with a co-worker UPDATE 3 : throwAway_SAHDplease


435 votes, 101 comments. Hey everyone, I though I would give everyone a small update on some stuff that has happened. So first off, I had …




www.reddit.com






Update 4





Caught my wife, of 13 years, cheating with a co-worker UPDATE 4 : throwAway_SAHDplease


351 votes, 80 comments. This will not be long, but things have gotten very bad for my girls. Basically my girls had two sessions this week with …




www.reddit.com








Update 4 1/2





Caught my wife, of 13 years, cheating with a co-worker: The AP UPDATE : throwAway_SAHDplease


252 votes, 101 comments. Hey everyone, sorry for the name. I am sure it sounds like a really bad sequel, but I wanted to be clear about what this …




www.reddit.com






Update 5





Caught my wife, of 13 years, cheating with a co-worker: UPDATE 5 : throwAway_SAHDplease


157 votes, 30 comments. Hey everyone, so I am already being asked about did I have Christmas with the OBS. The answer is yes I did. It was very …




www.reddit.com


----------

