# High sex drive problems in our marriage



## straighttrack7 (Jul 12, 2013)

Hi, I'm looking for advice or at least people to talk to about this. I have an extremely high sex drive in my opinion, I'm a 22year old guy and my wife is 21, she is on depo due to some problems with her periods. She was also on some antiaxiety meds that reduce sex drive. We discussed our problem and it was obvious she is rarely in the mood to do anything sexual and I want it every day somethimes multiple times a day. I also want to do "out of the ordinary things" that she thinks are too weird. She switched meds a while back that aren't supposed to decrease sex drive. It worked for a couple days it seemed but then right back to the way things were. I love my wife with all my heart and would never cheat. For a while she was ok with touching me most nights to pleasure me at least cause she knew she wasn't in the mood often. Then that stopped and now she just rolls her eyes at me when I try to engage in anything sexual at all and she says I'm just a guy and I'm horny all the time and I don't always need something. She's partly right but we have only had sex 3 times in the past 3 months, and the only reason we did was cause we went on vacation and she wanted to do it in our hotel rooms. 

Anyway, I guess my question is: is there a way I can lower my drive so I don't feel so depressed when she denies me for wanting it too much, or any suggestions on another way to relieve my drive? She thinks I don't find her attractive when I ask if I can just go "help myself" sometimes and she always tells me I don't need to do anything when I'm in the mood. Do I really have too strong of a drive? Please if no one has any answers at least discuss this with me and maybe examples of your marriage? I'll never leave my wife, this is our ONLY problem. We have never had an argument being together for almost 3 years. She is the closest thing I'll ever find to perfect.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

This is not the way to start a young marriage at your age. Sorry, I'm not seeing good long term prospects. You have a good attitude now, but 10 years from now you'll be a broken man and not interested in your or your wife's happiness at all. This is what you call the beginning of the end.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

straighttrack7 said:


> Hi, I'm looking for advice or at least people to talk to about this. I have an extremely high sex drive in my opinion, I'm a 22year old guy and my wife is 21, she is on depo due to some problems with her periods. She was also on some antiaxiety meds that reduce sex drive. We discussed our problem and it was obvious she is rarely in the mood to do anything sexual and I want it every day somethimes multiple times a day. I also want to do "out of the ordinary things" that she thinks are too weird. She switched meds a while back that aren't supposed to decrease sex drive. It worked for a couple days it seemed but then right back to the way things were. I love my wife with all my heart and would never cheat. For a while she was ok with touching me most nights to pleasure me at least cause she knew she wasn't in the mood often. Then that stopped and now she just rolls her eyes at me when I try to engage in anything sexual at all and she says I'm just a guy and I'm horny all the time and I don't always need something. She's partly right but we have only had sex 3 times in the past 3 months, and the only reason we did was cause we went on vacation and she wanted to do it in our hotel rooms.
> 
> Anyway, I guess my question is: is there a way I can lower my drive so I don't feel so depressed when she denies me for wanting it too much, or any suggestions on another way to relieve my drive? She thinks I don't find her attractive when I ask if I can just go "help myself" sometimes and she always tells me I don't need to do anything when I'm in the mood. Do I really have too strong of a drive? Please if no one has any answers at least discuss this with me and maybe examples of your marriage? I'll never leave my wife, this is our ONLY problem. We have never had an argument being together for almost 3 years. She is the closest thing I'll ever find to perfect.



You sound like me, a high drive guy, and could too have sex every day and multiple times a day and not just vanilla sex either. Breast jobs, foot jobs, anal, 69, etc.

My wifee sounds like your wife but she isn't on meds.

See, when you get married, you are no longer your own anymore. You are to take care of your other spouses needs and vise versa.

You have a high sex drive, most guys in their teens and 20's do, your wifee knows this and she should be making the effort to take care of your sexual needs period. No rolling the eyes, again?, maybe later, tomorrow, etc. And if she needs more emotional support and cuddling instead of just sex, then you do that for her.

Neither of you is to deny the other of their needs because that's leads to resentment and anger.

My wifee and I have been married for 13+ years and I am HD like you, and she is LD, like your wife. We only seem to have sex when she is in the mood, 1 - 2x month. If I initiate, I get the responses your wife gives you, but 13+ years later....

Buy her a small discrete vibrator, silver bullet, etc. My wife loves it but sadly, hasn't increased her low sex drive but she does have orgasms now whenever she wants.

Tell your wifee men are built on testosterone the sex hormone and we need sex for our mental and physical health. It also bonds us to our women in more ways than words will ever do. She has to understand that and also meet your needs, even if she's not in the mood. She loves you? Then taking care of your needs isn't an issue.

For myself, I have finally given up trying to have sex with my LD wife. I told her this and if she wants sex, hugs, kisses, she has to make the move now. I'm done with the excuses and games. Or you can get divorced and find another woman that honestly has a high sex drive and wants it all the time like you do. Many women out there that love sex......


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Your "only problem" is likely to cause resentments to fester and bubble over to other areas. Deal with it now, before that happens. And before kids happen. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## straighttrack7 (Jul 12, 2013)

CuddleBug said:


> You sound like me, a high drive guy, and could too have sex every day and multiple times a day and not just vanilla sex either. Breast jobs, foot jobs, anal, 69, etc.
> 
> My wifee sounds like your wife but she isn't on meds.
> 
> ...


Well I'm glad I'm not the only one out there that has a high sex drive. I have asked her how to help get her in the mood. She went on explaining how women need to be "shmoozed" into the mood by kissing and touching her hair, but I know that's not all women, my ex girlfriend before I met my wife would have sex if you just looked at her. But I went along with it and tried the next time what my wife wanted. Soon after I started making out she realized I wanted more than kissing and told me to stop, maybe later....and later never came. I've expressed wanting to go sex toy shopping for me and her but she never wants to, she does have a vibrator but rarely uses it.
Last week though I was caught off guard. She had her friend over for movie and dinner/drinks. They joke a lot about bisexual stuff but in the end always say girl on girl is disgusting, but her friend sat very close to her with her legs on my wifes lap, then when her friend went to the restroom my wife wanted to touch me (she was slightly drunk), but I was worried her frie would come back and see so I stopped her. Is there any way she could be interested in something with her friend but not want to admit it? I've even said I wouldn't care if she ever had feelings for a girl.


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## straighttrack7 (Jul 12, 2013)

I always express to my wife to tell me anything at all I can do for her to get her in the mood. But she just says she isn't creative sexually and all my ideas/positions weird her out


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)




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## Woodchuck (Nov 1, 2012)

I am a high drive male who married a wonderful HD woman....

We had sex multiple times per day for 12 years.....Yes, I was a very lucky man....

I am now 66 yo, and have been married 47 years....I would still like sex twice a day, but am happy with what I am getting.......as my wife is very sweet, and usually really tries....

Sex has slowed and is probably on a par with yours, my wife is also on libido damaging meds, but she is usually as willing as your wife to take care of my needs..

the woodchuck


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## Anon1111 (May 29, 2013)

Do not have kids with this woman until you have sorted this problem out. Read the multiple threads on this forum detailing the hell life becomes after years of sexual rejection by your spouse. It is a sad situation even in your case, but on the bright side you are very young and can re-group relatively easily if this turns out to be a deal breaker. You should confront the fact that this type of thing tends to get worse over time, not better.


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## straighttrack7 (Jul 12, 2013)

Anon1111 said:


> Do not have kids with this woman until you have sorted this problem out. Read the multiple threads on this forum detailing the hell life becomes after years of sexual rejection by your spouse. It is a sad situation even in your case, but on the bright side you are very young and can re-group relatively easily if this turns out to be a deal breaker. You should confront the fact that this type of thing tends to get worse over time, not better.


Hard to have kids with someone that won't have sex lol. 

But anyway...I can't imagine getting a divorce. I'm so deeply in love with her. Maybe that's why I hurt so much getting denied.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EntirelyDifferent (Nov 30, 2012)

straighttrack7 said:


> Hi, I'm looking for advice or at least people to talk to about this. I have an extremely high sex drive in my opinion, I'm a 22year old guy and my wife is 21, she is on depo due to some problems with her periods. She was also on some antiaxiety meds that reduce sex drive. We discussed our problem and it was obvious she is rarely in the mood to do anything sexual and I want it every day somethimes multiple times a day. I also want to do "out of the ordinary things" that she thinks are too weird. She switched meds a while back that aren't supposed to decrease sex drive. It worked for a couple days it seemed but then right back to the way things were. I love my wife with all my heart and would never cheat. For a while she was ok with touching me most nights to pleasure me at least cause she knew she wasn't in the mood often. Then that stopped and now she just rolls her eyes at me when I try to engage in anything sexual at all and she says I'm just a guy and I'm horny all the time and I don't always need something. She's partly right but we have only had sex 3 times in the past 3 months, and the only reason we did was cause we went on vacation and she wanted to do it in our hotel rooms.
> 
> Anyway, I guess my question is: is there a way I can lower my drive so I don't feel so depressed when she denies me for wanting it too much, or any suggestions on another way to relieve my drive? She thinks I don't find her attractive when I ask if I can just go "help myself" sometimes and she always tells me I don't need to do anything when I'm in the mood. Do I really have too strong of a drive? Please if no one has any answers at least discuss this with me and maybe examples of your marriage? I'll never leave my wife, this is our ONLY problem. We have never had an argument being together for almost 3 years. She is the closest thing I'll ever find to perfect.


My partner is like you; needs sex 2-3 times a day.
I'm much less so (although, since he 'fixed' a major issue for our sex life in June, this has changed drastically. :smthumbup: )


First off - My partner understands that I can't physically meet his 2 -3 times a day each and every day. I try, but I'm only human, and some days I'm doing good to get one in. 
This means that _I_ understand that he is going to need to take care of it. It has nothing to do with how he feels about me, it's just how he is. Most of the time, we turn it into couple time anyway, but occasionally he likes the 'me time' and I leave him alone. 
There is a need there, and it _needs_ to be met. If a partner is unwilling to help out (and yes, you can do plenty of other things together, even if you aren't in the mood for PIV), it's my opinion that they need to be a little more understanding.

Secondly - How are you approaching her for sex? In the beginning of our relationship, my partner was under the impression that humping my leg was enough to get me going.
(Hint: it's not.  ). He didn't really understand that I couldn't be ready to go in a moment's notice like he could, and spent a lot of time disappointed until he fixed his approach. 

From my perspective, when you're never in the mood and your partner is asking for sex on a daily basis, it can get really upsetting. At least, it did for me. 
I started to think all he wanted me for is sex, and having it with him didn't feel special, since he would be wanting it again in an hour. 
It made me question whether or not he truly loved me, which in turn meant he got even less sex. So for a long time in our relationship, there was also a big disconnect with us and how we approach sex; I didn't understand that wanting to be physical with me that much was _his_ way of showing how much he loved me, and that has been a large hurdle to overcome on my end.


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## Anon1111 (May 29, 2013)

straighttrack7 said:


> Hard to have kids with someone that won't have sex lol.
> 
> But anyway...I can't imagine getting a divorce. I'm so deeply in love with her. Maybe that's why I hurt so much getting denied.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I'm not saying divorce her. I am just saying look at how hurt you are now at age 22. Then imagine yourself at age 25, 30 etc and the same thing has persisted. How hurt will you be then and how would you feel about your wife?

It is very difficult to imagine, I am sure. I can tell you that I personally went from feeling at age 26 that marrying my wife was the best decision I ever made to at age 35 thinking it was the worst decision I ever made. All because of the slow build-up of resentment from getting rejected in that arena over and over again.

You may not end up like me if you stick with her, but better to sort this out now than just assume it will go away. Good luck.


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

So what do you think is a reasonable compromise here?

The woman who wants sex every day exists, but is still a bit of a rare bird. Throwing out your current mate to try to find one might end in nothing but disaster.

If she could manage every other day enthusiastically, would that meet your needs? Or is your happiness truly bound to having sex every single day of your life for as far as you can look ahead? What compromise are you willing to entertain to stay happily married?


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## straighttrack7 (Jul 12, 2013)

Cletus said:


> So what do you think is a reasonable compromise here?
> 
> The woman who wants sex every day exists, but is still a bit of a rare bird. Throwing out your current mate to try to find one might end in nothing but disaster.
> 
> If she could manage every other day enthusiastically, would that meet your needs? Or is your happiness truly bound to having sex every single day of your life for as far as you can look ahead? What compromise are you willing to entertain to stay happily married?


I would be ok with 2-3 times a week if she would allow me to have "alone" time more often and maybe let me buy some toys.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## straighttrack7 (Jul 12, 2013)

EntirelyDifferent said:


> My partner is like you; needs sex 2-3 times a day.
> I'm much less so (although, since he 'fixed' a major issue for our sex life in June, this has changed drastically. :smthumbup: )
> 
> 
> ...


I'll admit sometimes I do hump her in some way or go right for her breasts but I didn't used to do that until she started saying no, I feel like I already know the answer so why try so hard? Every time I do how she says she would want foreplay she still says not now. Now that I think about it though, whenever we go somewhere she is usually pretty horny, like trips to hotels usually. It's like the places get her in the mood, not me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MissScarlett (May 22, 2013)

Well, in my opinion she doesn't have the right to dictate if you masturbate or not, especially if shes having sex with you so rarely.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Wait. She also doesn't want you to masturbate???? NFW. I must have missed that. I'd laugh in her face with that one.


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## EntirelyDifferent (Nov 30, 2012)

straighttrack7 said:


> I'll admit sometimes I do hump her in some way or go right for her breasts but I didn't used to do that until she started saying no, I feel like I already know the answer so why try so hard? Every time I do how she says she would want foreplay she still says not now. Now that I think about it though, whenever we go somewhere she is usually pretty horny, like trips to hotels usually. It's like the places get her in the mood, not me.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Hmm...
I used to be like that with a previous partner. I got super bored with him, and the different places made it exciting again. I don't know if that's what's going on there, though.

Do you guys communicate your needs to each other at all? Or do you just ask while she denies without either party trying to come to a compromise?


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## KanDo (Jun 15, 2011)

Run Forrest, run!


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## straighttrack7 (Jul 12, 2013)

Ok last night we had a talk about some things and how I need something more. She agreed to buy me a sex toy online for myself. I'm hoping maybe after getting this maybe she will want to try something of her own. If this doesn't change anything then maybe I'll ask her about me finding a friend with benefits or something
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

straighttrack7 said:


> Ok last night we had a talk about some things and how I need something more. She agreed to buy me a sex toy online for myself. I'm hoping maybe after getting this maybe she will want to try something of her own. If this doesn't change anything then maybe I'll ask her about me finding a friend with benefits or something
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Let us know how the FWB discussion goes! I'll make popcorn!

Here's a coupe lines I've thought of using for that conversation... Let me know how they work out.

"I vowed monogamy when I got married, not celibacy"

"Since apparently you don't think sex is important at all, you won't mind if I find someone else to have it with, do you?"

Good luck, BTW. And I'm curious... How is a sex toy better than you masturbating by yourself?

C


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## straighttrack7 (Jul 12, 2013)

PBear said:


> Let us know how the FWB discussion goes! I'll make popcorn!
> 
> Here's a coupe lines I've thought of using for that conversation... Let me know how they work out.
> 
> ...


I've never used any toys so Idk, if anything I'm just hoping it will get her thinking about it more. Lol and the fwb discussion won't be for a while but there are marriages that work that way, doubtful it will be mine but you never know till you ask 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Once a month and you're 22? If you went to work one day a month, would you be an acceptable husband or a cruel and abusive one? You have trained yourself to believe you love this person but there's no way you love being disrespected and neglected and there's no way you should. You are a male of the human species. Sex is a perfectly normal need. You didn't ask for a sex drive and you can't turn it off to satisfy the whims of an indifferent woman. Marriage is a two-way arrangement. Either both of you get your reasonable needs met or someone is abusing and exploiting the other. If she wishes to be married, she starts acting married. If she doesn't, you should see her for what she really is and make a new plan. Give it a few years. You'll be looking at 6-12 months of celibacy and living with a bat who presumes to dictate every aspect of your life.


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## straighttrack7 (Jul 12, 2013)

unbelievable said:


> Once a month and you're 22? If you went to work one day a month, would you be an acceptable husband or a cruel and abusive one? You have trained yourself to believe you love this person but there's no way you love being disrespected and neglected and there's no way you should. You are a male of the human species. Sex is a perfectly normal need. You didn't ask for a sex drive and you can't turn it off to satisfy the whims of an indifferent woman. Marriage is a two-way arrangement. Either both of you get your reasonable needs met or someone is abusing and exploiting the other. If she wishes to be married, she starts acting married. If she doesn't, you should see her for what she really is and make a new plan. Give it a few years. You'll be looking at 6-12 months of celibacy and living with a bat who presumes to dictate every aspect of your life.


Very well put. Maybe I am just telling myself I love her for some reason...for now I feel that I do, but if she can't start being more open minded I'll have to accept reality
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

straighttrack7 said:


> Well I'm glad I'm not the only one out there that has a high sex drive. I have asked her how to help get her in the mood. She went on explaining how women need to be "shmoozed" into the mood by kissing and touching her hair, but I know that's not all women, my ex girlfriend before I met my wife would have sex if you just looked at her. But I went along with it and tried the next time what my wife wanted. Soon after I started making out she realized I wanted more than kissing and told me to stop, maybe later....and later never came. I've expressed wanting to go sex toy shopping for me and her but she never wants to, she does have a vibrator but rarely uses it.
> Last week though I was caught off guard. She had her friend over for movie and dinner/drinks. They joke a lot about bisexual stuff but in the end always say girl on girl is disgusting, but her friend sat very close to her with her legs on my wifes lap, then when her friend went to the restroom my wife wanted to touch me (she was slightly drunk), but I was worried her frie would come back and see so I stopped her. Is there any way she could be interested in something with her friend but not want to admit it? I've even said I wouldn't care if she ever had feelings for a girl.



If she talks about girl on girl with her girlfriend, is flirty, she might be bi-sexual, yes. Don't dismiss this. Or her girlfriend is bi-sexual.

When people are drunk, their guards are down and they do what they really want to do.

My wife has girlfriends, but she doesn't get drunk and then talk about girl on girl and is flirty with them. She just goes out and has fun. There is a difference.


A co-worker met his woman about 1 year ago and it turns out she is HD. He even tells me she wants sex every day and sometimes 3 - 4x a day. If they go days of no sex, she gets angry!!! She is now pregnant and her sex drive is still very high and she is due any week now. She still wants him to have sex with her, doesn't matter and quickies before he goes to work. So, HD woman do exist. And this woman is in her mid 20's, like him, and looks like a model.

Another co-worker is married and has 2 kids and they're in their early 40's. They have sex all the time and she is HD as well.


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## straighttrack7 (Jul 12, 2013)

CuddleBug said:


> If she talks about girl on girl with her girlfriend, is flirty, she might be bi-sexual, yes. Don't dismiss this. Or her girlfriend is bi-sexual.
> 
> When people are drunk, their guards are down and they do what they really want to do.
> 
> ...


My exgf was HD and she was my first. I think since I had that first I know what I'm missing out on
and I miss it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## techmom (Oct 22, 2012)

unbelievable said:


> Once a month and you're 22? If you went to work one day a month, would you be an acceptable husband or a cruel and abusive one? You have trained yourself to believe you love this person but there's no way you love being disrespected and neglected and there's no way you should. You are a male of the human species. Sex is a perfectly normal need. You didn't ask for a sex drive and you can't turn it off to satisfy the whims of an indifferent woman. Marriage is a two-way arrangement. Either both of you get your reasonable needs met or someone is abusing and exploiting the other. If she wishes to be married, she starts acting married. If she doesn't, you should see her for what she really is and make a new plan. Give it a few years. You'll be looking at 6-12 months of celibacy and living with a bat who presumes to dictate every aspect of your life.


If he went to work one day a month he will starve.
Just sayin'
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EntirelyDifferent (Nov 30, 2012)

straighttrack7 said:


> Ok last night we had a talk about some things and how I need something more. She agreed to buy me a sex toy online for myself. I'm hoping maybe after getting this maybe she will want to try something of her own. If this doesn't change anything then maybe I'll ask her about me finding a friend with benefits or something
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



We also got my partner a toy, but it had a stipulation: It was _NOT_ to be used during his masturbation sessions, only during couple time. It DID serve to strengthen our sexual relationship, but from an LD perspective, I would be cautious about this one. 
Do not delude yourself, if it's for you alone and she's truly low drive, it probably won't make her think about anything beyond "He doesn't need me, he has the toy".


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## straighttrack7 (Jul 12, 2013)

EntirelyDifferent said:


> We also got my partner a toy, but it had a stipulation: It was _NOT_ to be used during his masturbation sessions, only during couple time. It DID serve to strengthen our sexual relationship, but from an LD perspective, I would be cautious about this one.
> Do not delude yourself, if it's for you alone and she's truly low drive, it probably won't make her think about anything beyond "He doesn't need me, he has the toy".


Wow you make a very good point. I do NOT want her to forever leave me be with a toy...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

Since my wife is LD, and I bought her that small vibrator, she does use it on occasion and orgasms.

Like today, we were actually having sex and I almost made her use her vibrator, so she used it on herself while we were doing missionary and then doggie style. She loved it. But she only orgasms when she's alone because she's still not completely comfortable with me there.

This actually makes my wife way more in the mood and do things she normally wouldn't do. So the vib doesn't replace me, it makes sex better because she is LD. If my wifee was HD, then I could see the vibrator replacing me.........


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## straighttrack7 (Jul 12, 2013)

Ok, so I think I found our problem solver. Earlier when I got home from work I made her watch me masturbate in the shower and after a few minutes of not wanting to, it then turned into her closely watching then stopping me so we could have sex and wow she was into it and orgasmed at least 4 times. 

Thanks for everyones advice. I hope someone else can find this thread useful as well!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## straighttrack7 (Jul 12, 2013)

She finally admitted too that she felt like all I wanted was hand jobs and didn't want her, but I told her I want her all the time and when she says no then that's when I want her less. Communication works people, no matter what the conversation or problem is.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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