# I put the wheels in motion



## peon (Oct 29, 2010)

After the last few weeks I confronted my wife about her inability to take action and start working on our problems. And she up and told me that she was not going to. So I said I wanted out. After a few days of stomping around she has agreed that it the best thing to do. The last few days I have felt relief and excitement at the fact I might get a chance at happiness. But today I start doing some research about spouses that were victims of child abuse and find out that she might feel the same feelings when I try to initiate sex or try to engage in some forplay which makes me think that I have been a gigantic ass about this all this time. So I try to tell her that I was willing to go do what it takes to get things back on track and that with my new appreciation of her positions when it comes to intimacy and would work with her and change my view of what I thought was her just not caring enough to try might be something else much deeper. She has declined and would rather continue down the path of separation. Now what do I do? I'm not sure if I want to wait for a few more years to see no improvement and no effort on her part. Anyone been in the same situation and were able to right the ship? That's if she would actually try again. Any advice or experience with a spouse that was abused as a child?
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## LiamN (Nov 5, 2012)

The more you work on yourself the more attractive you will be to your spouse - and the more likely they are to take action as well. Decide what you want and work on creating it first - that gives you the greatest chance that she will follow.


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## mfriend2012 (Dec 5, 2012)

I'm sorry for your situation. Being a victim of abuse sounds like a very complicated situation. It is wonderful that you are showing compassion for her. I would see if you can take this to a counselor. You do not have to tell her that you are trying to right the ship. Her reaction right now sounds very defensive and shut down. If a counselor could get you guys in a conversation, perhaps some real communication would come out.


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