# Interracial Relationships



## Centurions (Jan 31, 2013)

Greetings!

What are your experiences with interracial relationships?

What attracts you to a person of a different race? (Physically, culturally, sexually, and so on.)

What differences do you find interesting and enjoyable?

What things do you find challenging or difficult? How have you resolved them or otherwise dealt with such challenges and differences?

I am currently involved with a Latina, who is 33 years old, and is Catholic, fairly traditional, with a huge familia. I'm a white male, 45, Catholic, of Irish, French and German background. In comparison, I have a much smaller family that is no where near as socially involved as her Hispanic familia is with each other. The huge social network is fun and interesting though, but certainly takes some getting used to. Lol! I love her coffee skin, and long, curly black hair. I find it interesting that cooking and food is such a central part of her familia and with her towards me. I think it is interesting how Latinas view themselves differently with sex and body image. Definitely different, and refreshing, too. Social and sexual attitudes are very different. The differences are cool. 

Centurions
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Theseus (Feb 22, 2013)

I am in an interracial marriage, I am white and my wife is asian. 

Generally, I don't recommend interracial marriages though. Regular marriages fail often enough as it is (just look at some of the threads on this forum). An interracial marriage takes all the same problems of any other marriage and adds the EXTRA burden of cultural problems and misunderstandings.

Just some examples:
What religion will you raise the kids as?
How do you celebrate Christmas with in-laws that never celebrated Christmas?
What food will you eat? (my wife often makes two different meals for dinner; one just for her and one for me and the kids)
What if your spouse wants to send money to his/her family?


My wife and I are now in very good place, but early in our marriage was extremely difficult and we almost didn't make it.


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## Latigo (Apr 27, 2011)

I have been in an interracial marriage for 16 years. It has never been a big issue for us. It may have something to do with her being from another country, and hence not having the same hang ups as we do stateside. The kind of melding of cultures that we have accomplished is the kind always talked about, but seldom seen put into practice. It also helps that both of us are culturally intellectual people who don't always toe the line when it comes to these issues.


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## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

I think I would safe to say that more than 50% (majority) of marriages where I live are interracial. I am one of them and not sure I can answer the questions because this is my one and only marriage, so nothing to compare - coming up on 19 years.


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## Maneo (Dec 4, 2012)

Theseus said:


> I am in an interracial marriage, I am white and my wife is asian.
> 
> Generally, I don't recommend interracial marriages though. Regular marriages fail often enough as it is (just look at some of the threads on this forum). An interracial marriage takes all the same problems of any other marriage and adds the EXTRA burden of cultural problems and misunderstandings.
> 
> ...


Those examples aren't racial but cultural and social and that can happen in any marriage regardless of race.


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## doctor is in (Dec 8, 2012)

Centurions said:


> Greetings!
> 
> What are your experiences with interracial relationships?
> 
> ...



All the same things as those in a regular marriage/relationship between the people of the same race. 

A person of a different race isn't some kind of alien to me, i don't see why there would be different things to attract/amuse me about it. 

What you probably mean is a person of another culture. There are plenty of minorities in the US who are perfectly adapted to the Western culture and are not different in any way to Europeans/Americans, other than looks.


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## Coffee Amore (Dec 15, 2011)

Don't ask me where I live, but interracial marriages are very, very common. No one seems to bat an eye at it. My neighbors across the street are in an interracial marriage as are my neighbors to the left. Thanksgiving at my husband's family is very interesting because of the medley of different dishes people bring. I love it and wouldn't have it any other way!


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## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

Coffee Amore said:


> Don't ask me where I live, but interracial marriages are very, very common. No one seems to bat an eye at it. My neighbors across the street are in an interracial marriage as are my neighbors to the left. *Thanksgiving at my husband's family is very interesting because of the medley of different dishes people bring. I love it and wouldn't have it any other way*!


:smthumbup: echoed


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

15 yrs. married to a Korean. At first, I went thru all of the worst-case scenarios in my head (my family is old-school "white"), but they never occurred. They love their daughter-in-law!

We have a highly intelligent, beautiful 13-year-old daughter, and she is bilingual, as the W and I agreed before she was even born that I speak English to her, and the W speaks Korean.

Food is not really an issue, but I must confess, I don't like Korean food too much. They use a lot of sesame oil in their cooking, and I absolutely HATE sesame oil! many times, she will fix her own stuff.


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

My husband is white, and I am asian. He is from Canada, and I am from China. We live in Taiwan. 

It is true that interracial marriages in Taiwan have a higher divorce rate than other kinds of marriages. I do want to know the reasons. Different family background? Different cultures? Different moral standards? I don't know. I believe infidelity is the main cause and it is everywhere, and interracial marriages face this problem too. 

My husband and I have a very happy marriage. I always wanted to marry a handsome tall white man and he was always interested in petite Asian women. I convinced him that saving is important, and he convinced me that it is also important to enjoy out life a little bit. We balance each other out. We had some fights at the beginning of our marriage due to misunderstanding, but the issues were resolved quickly. I have to send money home, and he is OK with it. He understands that fulfilling family responsibility is important for Chinese. I make good money so it is not a problem. It's not like that I am dependent on him financially. On one hand, I am independent; but on the other hand, I am a very traditional Chinese woman. I have no problem following my husband's lead. I have no problem converting to his religion. I also view cooking a woman's job. I learned how to cook delicious food and my husband really enjoys the meals I prepare. I cook Chinese food. We also enjoy our sex life a lot because of numerous reasons. 

We have been together for ten years and married for eight. It has been very happy and we look forward to growing old happily!!!

I think whether the marriage is interracial or not interracial, it depends on the two people to make their marriage successful.


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## captainstormy (Jun 15, 2012)

I'm a 29 year old white male while my wife is a 34 year old black woman. In this day and age (at least in the united states) it's pretty common. 

I find older people often have issues with interracial marriage, which I kind of understand especially about black and white couples in the US. 

It took both of our grandparents a while to come around to our relationship but you do have to keep in mind what the world they grew up in was like. Things were a whole lot different in the 1930's when they were born. 

In general though when we aren't talking about the elderly nobody has ever really given us any issues.

Even though we are from the same country (not states though) our families and family cultures are fairly different. Which makes our family (my wife and I) a nice blending of the two. 

Honestly, it really doesn't matter what other people think of your relationship though.


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## dblkman (Jul 14, 2010)

I seriously dated a white lady for awhile, it might have become more had unforeseen issues arose forcing us to part ways. I do remember my mother telling me that being "black" is not easy, adding a wife of another race just adds to that problem. I am happily married to a lady from my own race but I did not marry my "caramel queen" because she was black. I married her because of our compatibility in almost every topic of our life. I do have respect for those who chose to marry outside their race, at times you do have to wear some mighty thick skin because of the mighty thick heads of a lot of people.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Maneo said:


> Those examples aren't racial but cultural and social and that can happen in any marriage regardless of race.



The things that the OP is brining up are cultural and social as well.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

I'm white, my wife is hispanic. I honestly don't ever even think about the racial component. There was a little bit of culture difference for us, but not enough to really cause much of a problem.

The only time it's ever really been something that we even thought about was one day we were walking through a mall together that was in kind of a retirement area of our city. A LOT of elderly white folks from the midwest take their winters there. We got a lot of stares. We just laughed it off and made a show of it.

Our kids are very light skinned and don't even seem to realize they're hispanic. My young daughter the other day was having a conversation with another kid at her school about Mexican food. The other kid was telling her about how Taco Bell isn't REAL Mexican food, and he should know because he's half Mexican.

First thing I told her was that the other kid is not half Mexican unless he was born half in Mexico. Then I told her that she's just as hispanic as the other kid was. The look on her face was priceless.

We just don't do race in our house.


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## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> The things that the OP is brining up are cultural and social as well.


This is a valid point. While my wife are of different ethnicities (racial however you want to classify it) we both grew up in the islands. We were exposed to many of the familiar things of growing up in Hawai'i. I do think the harder issue for me would be religious differences. Not sure I could marry someone who was religious at all. Just would not work for me.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Inter cultural is more tricky than interracial. My older daughter (Eurasian) dated a Black kid from our affluent suburb for 3 years - nothing to it as both grew up in the same culture.

Me and my wife... Different continents, races, species , cultures, socio economic backgrounds, you name it. Very little in common. 

That's the different factors that at once make it more fun and more challenging. That, and flexibility or lack thereof.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Centurions said:


> Greetings!
> 
> What are your experiences with interracial relationships?


Married one



> What attracts you to a person of a different race? (Physically, culturally, sexually, and so on.)


None, I've always prefered my own ethnic, until I met my wife. She will be the last however.



> What differences do you find interesting and enjoyable?


The challenge was enticing enough. Aside from that, meh. I had more trouble accepting her then I had enjoyment from an IR relationship.



> What things do you find challenging or difficult? How have you resolved them or otherwise dealt with such challenges and differences?


My people are low in numbers due to wars/genocides/deportations/assimilations hence the more nationalistic of our people recommended that we are to marry within our own race. I agreed with them but found it difficult to find a woman of my own race that possessed the individual qualities that my wife had. In the end I chose my wife over the future of my people.

My MIL also never accepted me due to racial reasons and our people have always been sworn enemies due to cultural differences. My FIL is cooler, but unfortunately he's a doormat. My parents accepted and respected my decision however.

Also due to the rarity of couples like me and my wife we tend to gain alot of attention hence I rejected public affection in areas that aren't very multi-cultural - this caused issues in the past. Over time I just got over it.


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## bartolome (Oct 10, 2013)

one thing i've noticed with interracial couples is that white men tend to prefer asian women, rather than asian men with white women. that's always been interesting to me. when i was in asia, it was very rare for me to see an asian man with a white woman than the opposite. 

i'm not sure if there's more of a balance with other races (like do white women prefer black men more than black women prefer white men?), or what, but it's always been interesting to me.

i've always been attracted to men of a different race. there are very caucasian men that i find attractive. i'm not sure what it is, maybe opposites attracting? 

but race is not the same as cultural/religious differences. as for the later, the only one i require to be the same is religious. different cultures/races, i can deal with.

lucky i'm with someone who compliments me in every way, though he is of a different race and culture. i love it!


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## bartolome (Oct 10, 2013)

one thing i've noticed with interracial couples is that white men tend to prefer asian women, rather than asian men with white women. that's always been interesting to me. when i was in asia, it was very rare for me to see an asian man with a white woman than the opposite. 

i'm not sure if there's more of a balance with other races (like do white women prefer black men more than black women prefer white men?), or what, but it's always been interesting to me.

i've always been attracted to men of a different race. there are very caucasian men that i find attractive. i'm not sure what it is, maybe opposites attracting? 

but race is not the same as cultural/religious differences. as for the later, the only one i require to be the same is religious. different cultures/races, i can deal with.

lucky i'm with someone who compliments me in every way, though he is of a different race and culture. i love it!


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

For me it's the skin and hair, STBX is an exception as although she has western features, her skin remains smooth, hairless and easily tanned. I simply can't get over a woman being hairer than me, hence I've never dated a western woman unless she's mixed, no offense of course, but that's just how it is.

For that reason I've always preferred asian, black, or brown women, but central asian remained my top choice due to cultural affinity. Didn't turn out that way however it seems, irony! However, hence the rarity of couples like us tends to turn heads which is rather irritating to be honest - as some members already know - I hate stares!


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Central Asian, as in former Soviet Republics aka the various -istan's and the like? 

I hear winters in Baikonur are lovely


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Close 

It's only my ancestral background as my family migrated to Australia and I was born here. My pride however remains with my people. Guess it's just a trait of we nomadic "barbarians" 

We do have a small but sizable community here.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

I'm from Western Europe myself and we both moved to the USA 30 years or more ago... Interesting combination, but very little in common. The end result has been mixed at best, with our daughters being the best part of it.

My take is that growing up in a totalitarian style theocracy even as a member of the elite 1% creates some serious long term challenges - if they shed their cultural background it kind of works but if they carry it around like a shell and use it - like a shell - to escape the cultural expectations of their current environment then it is a problem.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Centurions said:


> I think it is interesting how Latinas view themselves differently with sex and body image. Definitely different, and refreshing, too. Social and sexual attitudes are very different. The differences are cool.
> 
> Centurions
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


As a Latina, I am curious to see how you believe we view ourselves differently re: sex/body image? Do tell!

As for interracial relationships, I think: WHY NOT? Life is too short to discriminate.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Jellybeans said:


> As a Latina, I am curious to see how you believe we view ourselves differently re: sex/body image? Do tell!


Let's just say that the week we spent in Puerto Rico a few years ago was an eyeful, literally and figuratively


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Duplicate - thanks iPhone


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## Curious_Guy (Aug 21, 2013)

Here in America, no matter what race, you're still American!

I'm a Southeast Asian guy living in a pretty diverse place. Where I live it's not unusual seeing Southeast Asian men dating black and Hispanic women. (And I know they date white women too just barely seen it as much lol.)

There's too much stereotypes in society and how the media portrays certain ethnic groups.

But hey, if you love someone so much, you just CAN make it work regardless of race.

Hooray for diversity!!!!!


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Well if they encountered what I encountered I wouldn't blame them for keeping things low key. In the past I insisted STBX dye her hair as we would gather much less attention but she insists on being difficult. We kinda stand out in Anglo-saxon areas, in multicultural areas most people don't give a sh-t so its all good.

People are individuals in the end and you don't always find a woman of a comfortable ethnic or religious background with the qualities you seek in a mate, hence you have no choice but to drop racial (and even religious) standards as we had to. Shame really, that we both had to sacrifice; I had to sacrifice my people's future in terms of racial preservation and she had to sacrifice her church's evangelism as I was not 'born again'.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

If that's your main concern you are lucky. Imagine different everything from socio economic status, race, religion, culture, interests in life, attitude, skills, priorities in life, all different. The only thing we have in common really is we both spent a decade each in college - different subjects of course. And needless to say we met in college.

I am all for diversity but there are some gaps that even the most syrupy of love stories cannot overcome, we did quite well for the first 25 years but the last 5 have not been so good. It's basically the point where differences are too many to overcome without major compromise.

Ironically, I feel the cultural differences are not our main point of contention; socio economic differences are. Coming from a poor family I appreciate what I have and don't kill myself trying to work hard. The whole point of spending a decade in college is so that you don't work like crazy afterwards and you enjoy things that enhance you like travel and culture. In her case having grown up 1% means work extra long even after all this college and enjoy primarily material things... Not life experiences.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Heh we had other issues to preoccupy our minds - not just the issues in regards to IR. I also came from a poorer background than her, different race, religion, we were both born and raised Australians however hence we did have that in common, we did have similar values, shared interests etc. We had just enough in common as we had differences. 

The one main thing we had in common is we both did some crazy sh-t when we were young, and never judged each other for it. That quality is hard to replace.


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## Centurions (Jan 31, 2013)

Jellybeans said:


> As a Latina, I am curious to see how you believe we view ourselves differently re: sex/body image? Do tell!
> 
> As for interracial relationships, I think: WHY NOT? Life is too short to discriminate.


Hey there, Jellybeans! 

Well, as to the sex/body image question. In the past, I've dated several white girls that were *thick*. My ex-wife was a *thick* white girl, too. In my marriage, I spent *years* trying to build up my ex-wife's self esteem, complimenting her, praising her, reassuring her of my attraction to her. The typical reaction from her and others? Frequent depression and bemoaning how big her ass was; how big her thighs were; always worried about diets; avoiding wearing sexy clothes, not much make up, and so on.

In contrast, my Latina girlfriend? *wow*!!! My girlfriend *loves* having a big ass, and curvy, thick hips! She loves doing her hair and make up to look hot. She loves as she tells me, "dressing for her man." She likes dressing sexy and hot for me. My Latina girlfriend tells me that "I want to be arm candy for you. I want everyone to see the hot, sexy woman you have! I want you to be proud to have me on your arm!"

Her girlfriends and relatives all seem very comfortable with their bodies. Most of them are on the *thick* side, too. They all do their make up and dress hot for their men...not just on "special occasions" but any time they go out.

So, it's certainly different, and very refreshing. I love it!

Centurions
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

I have no personal experience with interracial relationships, but they do tend to follow certain patterns that would be interesting to explore though. 

For example, AA/Caucasian relationships are by far dominated by AA males and Caucasian females. OTOH, when we look at Caucasian/Asian relationships, they heavily skew towards Caucasian males and Asian females. The Caucasian/Hispanic relationships seem to be pretty equal between males and females mingling from both ethnicities. Anyone have any ideas why? And no, I'm not going to buy the big schlong or tighter vagina theories. Personally, I think most of it is garbage anyways.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

FrenchFry said:


> I dunno, I just noticed this when I went to the gym today but at least 70% of my son's playmates are products of interracial relationships, including my son.
> 
> It's really cute and he's going to grow up completely different than I did and that is awesome in my book.



In our country's last census report [ 2012 ] , it stated that our mixed race adult population represents the largest "demographic" in our country. Above 30%

A little bit of fun trivia.
Google the name " Dr Denise Tsoi-a-Fat [ Trinidad ] using Google images and the woman that appears in the pic looks black. But her name is Chinese 
[ Cantonese ] .If you look at her facial features carefully, you can see that she clearly has Chinese ancestry in her genes.
Her family on her father's side were Chinese immigrants and her mother would have been black.

That sort of interracial mixing has been the norm down here for generations.
-


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

Feels like in the US its become very common, but only recently--maybe the last 15-20 years. You've still got a lot of older generation folks that make a larger deal of it than it should be. Not to say that they're opposed to it, they're just much more AWARE of it. Vs many younger generation folks that have grown up with it and aren't even concious of it except on a superficial level.

Obviously, this applies more toward interracial relationships vs intercultural.


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## BrockLanders (Jul 23, 2012)

Caribbean Man said:


> In our country's last census report [ 2012 ] , it stated that our mixed race adult population represents the largest "demographic" in our country. Above 30%
> 
> A little bit of fun trivia.
> Google the name " Dr Denise Tsoi-a-Fat [ Trinidad ] using Google images and the woman that appears in the pic looks black. But her name is Chinese
> ...


Irish slaves were the first in the Americas before Africans were imported en masse. They mixed quickly, as there is no way the English would have mixed with the Irish. In Montserrat the mixed black/white/natives spoke the Irish language into the 1800s.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Plan 9 from OS said:


> I have no personal experience with interracial relationships, but they do tend to follow certain patterns that would be interesting to explore though.
> 
> For example, AA/Caucasian relationships are by far dominated by AA males and Caucasian females. OTOH, when we look at Caucasian/Asian relationships, they heavily skew towards Caucasian males and Asian females. The Caucasian/Hispanic relationships seem to be pretty equal between males and females mingling from both ethnicities. Anyone have any ideas why? And no, I'm not going to buy the big schlong or tighter vagina theories. Personally, I think most of it is garbage anyways.


The whole thing makes sense, but here's an example of the imbalance and its contributions as an AM myself, with STBX being WF, and hearing impressions from my Asian bros - which gives an example of why IR tends to follow trends:

- Physical preference for AF and smooth/ageless skin, AF have that naturally, white women are on the far spectrum however. As I mentioned before - it's awkward to have a woman with hairier arms than me. STBX is an exception however being mixed. Irony really as I wanted to marry within my own but married a foreigner instead with a completely alien culture and history.

- Height differences, though AM are getting taller, majority are still shorter. Alot of women want their men to tower over them, my family is strange in that I'm the shortest of my family at 5'11, STBX is 5'9, with heels she can be taller than me. Not many people can accept that or maintain their security in having women taller than them.

- Family pressures, AM are encouraged to marry within their race, even in my culture though we are generally more acceptant - my family didn't care for example but some in my community do for reasons I posted last page; racial preservation. WMs are seen as wealthier and Western countries also seen as better places for their daughters to grow up hence Asian parents are more acceptant of their daughters marrying out. Men however don't have the same luxury.

- Stereotypes about AM; aka smaller willy/asexual, media stereotypes about AM hampens the sex rank and makes it harder as one would need to find an open-minded woman which is in a smaller pool then the majority of women who believe whatever they hear. Taller AM break the stereotype just by being themselves, the benefit of the stereotype itself is that is very easy to break, an AM with an average penis would be considered 'big', compared to how a BM with an average penis would be considered 'small'. 

Despite this, shorter/smaller AM however would find it extremely difficult as the labels get slammed. It also hampens their confidence to date outside of their race, even if they have an average or large willy due to the impression that they are not attractive. The whole stereotype does come from some truth due to general proportion, STBX's experience in her past also testifies, though she had mentioned some willies 'out of proportion'.

- Stereotypes about WF; aka, unreliable/untrustworthy/man-hating feminists, Same reason some WM go for AF is also the same reason AM go for AF. WF are not seen as LTR material by many AM. As above, this stereotype also comes from some truth, though personally I find it just as bogus as AF do cheat, but they are ALOT smarter in how they do it.

- Apparent weirdness being an AM/WF couple, stares on the street, etc etc. Alot of people find this weird:








If you do, then you've answered your own question 
The media is very powerful.

- Anglosphere, Europeans IMO are much more open-minded in this regard than English-speakers from what I've noticed, alot of AM who desire WFs travel to Europe rather than America or Australia and found much better success. Even STBX herself is from a Euro background rather than Anglo-Saxon background, so I believe them. You and I - we live in the Anglosphere so our impressions are only based on what we've seen here.

Personally if I do divorce STBX, she will be the last WF I get myself involved in, touchwood - forgot to last time. Anyways, just a trend.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

BrockLanders said:


> Irish slaves were the first in the Americas before Africans were imported en masse. They mixed quickly, as there is no way the English would have mixed with the Irish. In Montserrat the mixed black/white/natives spoke the Irish language into the 1800s.



*I hope the OP don't mind me just responding to this.

I think this is how the order went
First there were Amerindian Slaves, then Irish, then Chinese,then Africans then East Indians [ Indentureship].

The history of Caribbean Islands like Haiti , Jamaica ,Cuba and Trinidad & Tobago is filled with affairs and sexual liaisons between the ruling class whites and the slaves. Many of these liaisons were responsible for the start of the mixed or " mulatto " class / population which has become the largest class in our country today.
Clearly the " sexual liaisons " are still very much alive and might I say ,no longer secret but more acceptable, now.

A notable, recent example is that of Bob Marley. His Father was a white man who was an officer in the Royal Air Force. His mother was a black teenage girl who Marley's father had an extra marital affair with .She lived in the rural areas whilst he and his wife lived in the city . She became pregnant, and Marley's father died in active duty, soon after that.


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## LemiLekySama (Dec 4, 2012)

I'm Black & my husband is Mexican. We're both born & raised in California, so not many social differences. There were/are a few cultural differences, but nothing major. Honestly, the biggest "issue" for us are Spiritual. My family loves his and vice versa. We currently live in the South & though there are a lot of interracial couples, we still get a few stares. It has never been a big deal, to me, to date someone from a different ethnic background, bc I did it all my life! But, I was the first Non-Hispanic chick my husband ever dated & it took him a little bit to understand my culture, but it wasn't too hard for him.


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