# Does anyone have a spouse with PTSD?



## Fed up (Apr 9, 2012)

I posted in the sex section becasue that is where most of my issues lie. My husband has bad PTSD from the military. I love him with all my heart, but I am fed up, and very close to packing my bags.
I know he loves me, but there is little to no intamacy/romance. Sex is minimal. He has more mood swings than I did when I was pregnant, and having blood sugar issues.

Some days he is super nice, great to be around, other days he broods, won't talk, and is a general jerk. He won't talk things out with me. If he has an issue he clams up. A couple times he has exploded so to say.
He denies he has a problem, and says that his PTSD does not affect him, yet he will then "throw a temper tantrum" and say stuff to the effect of: to bad so sad, I have PTSD so deal with it.

He will not get help, Thing where not like this before we got married, because he was smoking weed all the time.
I hate to say this, but I like my husband better when he is stoned. He is nice, he acts like he loves me, he will talk to me, and he has a sex drive.

I am about ready to leave him, hoping if I tak ethe kids, and leave him to himself he will get his head out of the sand and get some help. I don't know what else to do, it has only gotten worse over the years.


----------



## Fed up (Apr 9, 2012)

I should add: Not to say I am perfect. I have had some bad health issues, and have my own mood swings, and sometimes I get pissy. But if I snap at him I always apologise, and I do my best to not be a hag to him.


----------



## Going Mental (Apr 8, 2012)

I think my H has PTSD but is undiagnosed. Long story short, he was always a heavy pot smoker before, but things ramped up after he was held hostage in a prison. I put up with his disengagement from us for far too long, and finally just over 12 months ago gave him an ultimatum - get off the gear and get help or I am gone. I was emotionally exhausted and not caring about him anymore, and that is where you will end up without help.
Unfortunately husbands often don't get the message until they hit rock bottom ie. you saying you are just about done. An ultimatum is a big step as it has to be followed through.
My H has tried has been to 4 different therapists with a referral for yet another one, so I can't say he hasn't tried, but it can be extremely difficult for men to a. do something about it and b. find someone they trust enough to disclose to. Does the military not offer anything or does your H refuse help?
I am concerned for you that your H is saying he has PTSD but is not doing anything to try and recover....that seems like a cop out to me. An excuse not to have to do the hard work. Somehow you have to make him see that he needs to do the hard work before he loses his marriage.
It is hard work caring for someone with any form of mental illness, let alone a loved one you who is reluctant to get help. Remember as my own therapist has drilled into me, take some time for your self for your own self-care and sanity. Go out with girlfriends, go buy a new pair of shoes, even a walk once a week. This is how you can keep yourself from bottoming out too. Remember to cry on someone else's shoulder too.


----------



## Fed up (Apr 9, 2012)

I am concerned for you that your H is saying he has PTSD but is not doing anything to try and recover....that seems like a cop out to me. An excuse not to have to do the hard work. 


Yes, this is exactly it! He tells me he has no issues. Then I ask why do they pay him disability for it? 
Then he says it doesn't cause any problems. Then later will say, I'm not doing this because I have PTSD and I don't have to or want to.
He uses it as an excuse to throw a temper tantrum likea little kid in my opinion.

He has been opffered help, I have tried to be supportive and encourage him to get help without pushing. He flat refuses, and denies having any issues.


----------



## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

Fed up said:


> I should add: Not to say I am perfect. I have had some bad health issues, and have my own mood swings, and sometimes I get pissy. But if I snap at him I always apologise, and I do my best to not be a hag to him.


OK that is important to the marriage but not to his issues. We all bring our own stuff to the marriage. We all have to work on our stuff. But the spouse also has a responsibility to step up to the plate and work on their own side of the relationship.

PTSD can alter the way a person sees things logically. He may not really see how it is affecting the entirety of his life. And you know that he won't recover without getting good therapy. There are good treatments for PTSD, and he has the potential to live a normal happy life if he gets therapy.

You don't have the obligation to stay forever if he is not working on his half of the marriage.

The only suggestion I have is to approach the marriage with him on the specific behaviors or issues. Don't mention PTSD. He might have a lot of anxiety over people thinking he is somehow defective or weak. You have every right to discuss the marriage issues, but honestly the root cause is his business not yours.

If he is not responsive to relationship issues and if he is not willing to attend marriage therapy, you have every right to pull the plug.


----------



## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

I have ptsd from an abusive childhood. My sincere advice is if he won't seek help is to leave.


----------



## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

My husband has been diagnosed with PTSD. He did not seek treatment when his issues were out of hand, he instead took it all out on me. He would scream at my almost daily, withheld any sex and affection for months at a time, and did nothing but work, drink, and sit on the couch watching history channel. Refused to seek help, refused to do anything with the kids and me, etc, etc. '

He went to a school and had an affair. It was short lived, but he did not tell me, and meanwhile treated me even worse. About 18 months later his OW's husband got a hold of me and let me know about the affair. THAT is when my H decided to seek treatment. Rock bottom for him I guess. These days he is just thanking his lucky stars that I am still here. But I can't say that I would recommend you stay if things get that bad. Realistically I should have left when he refused to get treated.


----------



## Jamison (Feb 10, 2011)

Has he actually been diagnosed with PTSD? If so, is he getting any kind of therapy for it, or on any meds? If not, then its not likely to get better. That is not something that will just go away or get better on its own. I was just reading something the other day on PTSD, sometimes other mental health issues can go hand in hand with PTSD as well, so he may have something else with the PTSD or if he has never been diagnosed with that, he could have something else altogether. Either way he needs to be seen by someone who specializes in mental health issues.


----------

