# I really need someone to talk to I feel so alone



## jnihar (Dec 28, 2007)

My husband and I have had trouble with our marriage since he chaeated on me two or so years ago. It wasn't a one night stand it was actually a relationship with his ex-girlfriend for several months. Even when I caugt him he still didn't tell me the truth. I had to prove that I really did know to get him to actually tell me anything but I still think he has left tons of stuff out (that I am not sure that I want to know). I know they slept together (in my heat, but he never told me for sure). We now sleep in differnt rooms and when he tries to kiss me of if my two small children are at Grandma's and he wants to touch me I want to throw up. My problem is he is a great father and it would break my childrens heart, I know my oldest won't handle it well.

We went to marriage counceling but that was a disaster all the lady did was tell us stuff we could do together. We didn't even talk about why he did what he did or how it made me feel.

I also worry that his life will fall apart if I leave him. That he will start drinking, lose his job, then we won't be able to afford to be apart because he won't be able to make is truck payment (that is in my name as well as the car).

I know he loves me, but I am not in love with him anymore and have not been for a long time. I haven't cheated on him or done anything at all to get revenge. We even tried marriage counceling but it didn't help me. Sorry if it sound like I am rambling but I haven't had anyone to talk about this for so long and it is starting to fester. I want to tell him to go but I don't know how. I don't want to mention his affair from two years ago, that sounds ridiculous. But we have also grown way apart. We don't like anything the other person likes anymore. I think he has given up on our marriage too. He made the strangest comment yesterday he said out of the blue "there will be times I do things with out you". I have never stoped him from doing things with out me. I actually encourage it, but he never does it. Doesn't that sound suspicous?

Also, if we get a divorce can I put in the decree that he has to have a semi decent clean place for the kids to visit? He can live like a pig and I don't want the kids to go to a rat hole to visit him. 

I feel so alone, there is no one I can talk to. If I tell my family or friends and for some reason we stay together they will all hate him. I definitly can't talk to his family. When I try to talk to him he just says he doesn't want to talk so I give up.
Please advise what you would do.


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## dobo (Jun 30, 2009)

I'm sorry that you went to an ineffective counselor. Is there an opportunity to find someone who actually knows what they're doing? If you go in and interview them and tell them what you are looking for, you can ask if they've had experience with other couples in the same situation and how the treatment progressed.

The fact that he's lied to you and you never got the answers you need about the affair do not seem ridiculous as reasons to consider divorce.

I think that if you explain to hmi that you are considering divorcing him and he still doesn't want to talk, you'll know the answer to what you should do. He's done harm and he doesn't want to deal with the fallout. That's unfair to you. You have to deal with it whether you want to or not. He shouldn't get to choose either.


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## pairofduces (Dec 28, 2008)

"My husband and I have had trouble with our marriage since he chaeated on me two or so years ago."

Seems like you have had trouble with you marriage BEFORE he cheated or he probably would not have cheated right?

Seems like that's the best place to start.


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