# "If I had a magic wand"



## Forsaken (Feb 14, 2011)

Yesterday I talked to my IC about a lot that has gone on and he asked me "if I had a magic wand, what could I do to make this all go away?". I couldn't even think of anything to reply with, I just said "Thats a good question, I don't know. I guess I've never thought about it from that point of view". 

So I want to ask you the same question: If I had a magic wand, what could I do for you to make this all go away? How would you answer that?


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## castingabout (Mar 22, 2011)

Beat me to death with it? Make all of the bad things go away and give me my life back?

Maybe you could wave it and just make us all strong and whole again.


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

If I had a magic wand...right away I wanted to say "make all the pain go away" but I stopped and thought about things for a minute and I decided I would not use my magic wand to make it all better. Life is about learning. What we experience in life has lessons that shape us into who we are. If we all had a magic wand to simply make everything better, we wouldn't ever learn anything. We would not learn self respect or respect for others. We would never be able to helps others as nobody would have any life experience. I guess if I had a magic wand, I'd conjure up a cheeseburger with tomato and pickles because it's lunch time and I'm hungry.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

castingabout said:


> Beat me to death with it?


:rofl:


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

If I had a magic wand I'd want to have never met my wife.

To not be infested with all this negativity, to not have made such a terrible choice in a life partner.

I'd want better discernment at finding out a person's true nature.

And if I can't have all that then beat me into unconsciousness with the darn thing so my brain can shut off for awhile.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## elph (Apr 2, 2011)

id simply go back to when lifes stress got to me and allowed an weakness in our relationship that allowed an opening for this to happen...i know my wifes at fault, but id go back and make sure that our walls were strong and that boundaries were in place not only for this event but to try and future proof...


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## Saffron (Mar 7, 2010)

Oooooo, interesting question! 

I couldn't wish for my husband's affair to have never happened, because honestly, the fact it happened means something was amiss in our marriage and in my husband. Regardless, our marriage could've exploded at some other time or for some other reason and then maybe we wouldn't have survived.

I couldn't wish to go back to my 25-year-old body with my 40-year-old brain and have a "do-over", because then I wouldn't have my children or my husband with whom I've shared so many good memories.

So, I'll look to the future instead.

I'd wish for us to both learn from past mistakes and make sure they don't repeat themselves in the future. Hopefully it's a wish that can come true without the use of a magic wand.

One wish I'd need a magic wand for.... wishing my children never have to experience this type of betrayal in their own lives someday.


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## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

Forsaken said:


> Yesterday I talked to my IC about a lot that has gone on and he asked me "if I had a magic wand, what could I do to make this all go away?"


Winning Lottery Numbers please!! WOOT WOOT!


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## Forsaken (Feb 14, 2011)

I still can't really answer this question. I like Saffrons comment:

"I'd wish for us to both learn from past mistakes and make sure they don't repeat themselves in the future."

I really do like that comment a lot... I guess I would wish for my wife to be empathetic towards the whole situation as if it had happened to her so she knew how I've felt everyday since this all happened and then maybe she would really try to fix things instead of just kind of going on with life as if nothing has ever happened and pretending that everything is fine.


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## paramore (Jan 11, 2011)

to go back to where we started losing each other and make it right.


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## Saffron (Mar 7, 2010)

Forsaken said:


> I still can't really answer this question. I like Saffrons comment:
> 
> "I'd wish for us to both learn from past mistakes and make sure they don't repeat themselves in the future."
> 
> I really do like that comment a lot... I guess I would wish for my wife to be empathetic towards the whole situation as if it had happened to her so she knew how I've felt everyday since this all happened and then maybe she would really try to fix things instead of just kind of going on with life as if nothing has ever happened and pretending that everything is fine.


Thanks Forsaken, I like your wish too. Even though my husband is remorseful and trying to rebuild, I think it's hard for him to be truly empathetic. I don't think anyone can understand the depth of pain we experience by infidelity until they've lived it. 

It's almost like my husband can't even comprehend me being unfaithful. He trusts me 100%, which kind of surprises me. You'd think he'd be worried about me doing a revenge thing (which I have no intentions of doing.) But it kind of shows how he can't relate to how my new trust issues mess up my thinking. Now that he's being truthful and open, he seems to forget I no longer trust him or that he hasn't earned much trust yet. So he's sometimes taken a little aback when the distrust monster raises it head and I ask questions about what he's doing or going in situations I never used to. He answers and tries to reassure, but I can tell he's wondering when I'll trust him again. Told him, never 100% like before. However, I'll never trust anyone 100% again. In hindsight, it seems so naive.

Anyway, I like the wish of having the DS live with the pain of infidelity for one day. To experience that pain would give them a whole new appreciation for what we're trying to overcome.


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## it-guy (Jan 6, 2011)

Saffron,

I tried to explain my "dis-trust" to my wife a few nights ago. Like your husbend, I don't believe she can really understand how we feel. 

I told my wife the following:
The cheating is something I can never trust you about ever again. Once you have done it, I know you are capable of doing it again. For example, you know I would never hit you right? I have never and would never lay a hand on you in anger...(she agreed). Now what if I got mad and knocked the sh1t out of you one time. Just knocked you right to the ground and broke your jaw. Then I apoligize for a few months. At some point you may accept my apology, but would you ever trust me not to ever do that again right?

Just so everyone knows....this was said in a very non-threatning way. And my wife does indeed know that I would never lay a hand on her. This was just an example and she seemed to understand it after I said it that way.


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## it-guy (Jan 6, 2011)

If I had a magic wand I would go back to when I was 15 years old (when I met my wife) and start completly over again. The 34 year old brain in a 15 year old body.


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

Now that I am home from work and my H is also here (which I cant stand, I am so angry at him)I would take that magic wand and I would wish for the fleas of a 1,000 camels to infest his crotch and his arms be too short too scratch.


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## myhope (Dec 9, 2010)

i think i would use the wand for perspective--to allow the rational side of my brain (the side that knows we are working things out--that we choose eachother, that we have a better chance now than ever of making this marrage work) and allow it to convince the hurt side.


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## JazzTango2Step (Apr 4, 2011)

If I had a magic wand I'd go
Up to the water, nice and slow
And wave my arms around so you wouldn't throw
It all away.

- "Magic Wand" by Amy Cook.


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

You know what? I would not wave the magic wand and change any of it. If I magically wished away the physical abuse in my childhood, I wouldn't be as empathetic or patient or stubborn or anal as I am today. LOL If I wished away "meeting my exH" I would not have my two children and I adore them. If I wished away the affair or the OW, I might still be with an abusive man. If I wished away Dear Hubby's exW (which I have fantasized about MANY TIMES!!) we would not have his kids and I love them. If I wished away his or my divorce...we would not appreciate each other like we do now nor would we have grown and matured as we have now. 

I think I might say that I wish it didn't feel like a 747 flew through the center of my chest with the jets on full flame. Other than that, I learned that I can survive ANYTHING. I mean ANY. THING. I know I can go on, live, survive and thrive.


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## Saffron (Mar 7, 2010)

myhope said:


> i think i would use the wand for perspective--to allow the rational side of my brain (the side that knows we are working things out--that we choose eachother, that we have a better chance now than ever of making this marrage work) and allow it to convince the hurt side.



Oooooo, good one!


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## Indy Nial (Sep 26, 2010)

Easy - I'd wave the wand and have her experience all the suffering and pain she put me through. Not because I want revenge but because she just doesn't seem to care what she has done.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Drink mead from the severed skulls of my fallen enemies of course.


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## edot30 (Apr 19, 2011)

I think Hitachi makes one of those, but that might be something different. . .



Theres so many choices! I could go back to when I met my ex and make it so that relationship never happened. . . 

Or there was paramour's answer of going back to when my current wife and I started losing touch and fix that somehow (which admittedly might also take the wand, as I am not sure what I could have done different)

Granted, if I went back and made it so the relationship with my Ex never happened, I wouldn't have my son. . . but then he is a perfectly healthy 12 year old who can not tie shoes, use a fork properly, run more then 5 steps without falling down from exhaustion, or (literally) wipe himself after he uses the bathroom. Not that I blame him for any of that, as its not his fault, but the fault of his mother and grandparents severely neglecting him in many ways. 

Yes, I know its horrible to wish for something that would make it so he never existed, but I love my son, and can see what life has in store for him, regardless of anything I can do. We have had him with us for the past week for his spring break, and I have cried every single night because of how painful it is to see him this way, knowing what life will bring him.

Its not a case of my denial of an actual problem. We have had him checked, and actually by the end of his 6 week long summer visit, is acting for the most part just like every other kid his age, only behind them mentally due to the fact that most of the year they convince him (by actually telling him) that he is mentally handicapped and cant do things everyone else can. Last summer he came afraid of and screaming at every loud noise, covering his ears, and by the time he left he was lighting the (small) fireworks and driving the go-kart. 

This is another topic I can rant on for awhile. lol


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## paramore (Jan 11, 2011)

Runs like Dog said:


> Drink mead from the severed skulls of my fallen enemies of course.



:rofl:


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Well because 'Young, Dumb and Hung' is not possible.


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## sam83 (Jul 23, 2011)

OMG guys what re u saying didn't any one of u heard about dark magic before :scratchhead:

As a big time fan for Harry Potter I actually know some really bad spells I'd like to use at my ex and her new boyfriend I know its bad but i won't go dark for all just gave them a hell of time then I'm OK

even Harry potter himself used the unforgiven spells twice so I think it's OK for me to do it too :rofl:


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

Well, I had to throw my daughter's magic wand away yesterday because she left it in the hallway after I asked her to pick it up three times over the course of an hour's time. It was in our safety zone that is free of clutter, at the top of the stairs in a high-traffic area.

I pulled it out of the kitchen trash this morning, thinking, well I kept my promise to throw it out, but I didn't say I wouldn't rescue it later, and you know what, we could use a magic wand so I will bring it down to the new apartment today.

It's a toy, of course.
But I wouldn't be above deploying it if the right occasion presented itself. For me, it's a reminder that we can throw opportunities in the garbage, thinking they are just pieces of junk that are a little tarnished, or we can examine the possibilities of letting a little 'magic' into our lives and not getting angry at the things that trip us up.

It's also a reminder of the dreams of children. I wouldn't say that childhood dreams are unrealistic at all. There is substance to them, it's too much thinking that spoils the magic, and I'm not talking about trips to Disney World, either.

I think I'm going to stick it in my purse so I'll be prepared. LOL.
I know, some people carry other things in their purse/wallet to be prepared.
A magic wand will suffice for my purposes.


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## BigBri (Jul 22, 2011)

To never have met this person. That's my wish... now when do I get my wand?


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## RWB (Feb 6, 2010)

That Wand waving is dangerous ju-ju.

Being said... I would consider one little wave over my wife and me... Not to make her, but only to give her courage to "one time" clear the deck, let it go, all of her lies, all the half truths, all the omissions.

And, finally for me to believe her without anymore doubt.

Nothing else, nothing more.


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## cj9947 (Jul 9, 2011)

If I had a magic wand...I would go back in time and every time a movie, song, book, tv show, and etc. mentioned romantic love I would stand up and yell, "Bull Sh*t" at the top of my lungs.


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## 2xloser (May 8, 2011)

Saffron said:


> .... wishing my children never have to experience this type of betrayal in their own lives someday.


YES!

(...and to have her experience this pain, but for more than one day. She needs to expereince that 'first-thing-you-think-about-when-you-wake-up' feeling)


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

To go back to the early 80's and buy as much Microsoft and Apple stock as I could. I'd be filthy rich instead of simply filthy.

But seriously I'd wish to have a better 'judge of character' detector. It is obvious that the one I have, broke a long time ago.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Kill mom and dad for being the worst parents in the history of people.


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