# Confused about My Feelings



## snowberry (Aug 11, 2017)

Hey everyone!

After an 8 month separation my husband (rather ex husband - still weird to say it like that) went ahead with the divorce and I got our divorce decree 2 weeks ago. I have been taking it OK-ish. I was a much worse mess before everything because I did not know if we were going to get the divorce. However, there is this feeling that has been coming to me and I don't know how to put it into words. I can't say hope but it is just a feeling that I carry around that one day he will regret his decision and will want to come back to me. 

He says he is upset about a lot and it is like dark clouds all around him (am I evil for getting happy to see these comments) but he says he is hoping it will go away soon. We are not enemies but there was sooooo many problems with the marriage. How different we see life, clashes about how we want to practise our religion, HUGE trust issues (he is a chronic liar), emotional infidelity (I don't know the extent of it so who knows maybe full infidelity), self harm issues (wrist cutting to the point where I had to take him to the ER one time), social anxiety disorder (again to the point that he cant drive), wanting to live in different states etc. the list goes on...so why do I care about him so much still? I honestly don't know. I really thought he would change and become a better person as he stated he wanted to multiple times but I digress.

Is this a common feeling that comes to people that somehow everything will be alright? I am not going to lie I SO want him to realize one day what kind of a mistake he made by letting go someone like me. I don't mean to brag but I am a good looking, confident, educated, loyal and interesting person as everyone says. And he used to say these things too before he became just blind to everything. 

I just can't seem to understand whether this is a hope and since the divorce is just so fresh I can't differ hope from inspiration. Why do I feel like he will regret it so bad and come back crying to my door? Am I crazy or does this happen to everyone? Sorry, if I repeated myself. It is my first post here.

Thank you!


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

He gave you withdrawal symptoms.
.............................................................................................
But, no high or glee or mania ever preceded THIS.

WTH


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## snowberry (Aug 11, 2017)

SunCMars said:


> He gave you withdrawal symptoms.
> .............................................................................................
> But, no high or glee or mania ever preceded THIS.
> 
> WTH


I am sorry. I am not sure I understand your comment. Can you clarify please?

Oh btw we stayed married just a little over 2 years. And we started having all these problems within the first couple of months.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

snowberry said:


> I just can't seem to understand whether this is a hope and since the divorce is just so fresh I can't differ hope from inspiration. Why do I feel like he will regret it so bad and come back crying to my door? Am I crazy or does this happen to everyone? Sorry, if I repeated myself. It is my first post here.
> 
> Thank you!


You want closure:
From him.
From the marriage.
This cannot happen....you won't close the door on this.

You want things to return to normal, as they were at the beginning of your marriage.
Your mind has not accepted defeat. You are not a quitter.

You sound like a normally hopeful person.....and no hope, even from Canada has arrived. 

He lost a good women, methinks.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

snowberry said:


> I am sorry. I am not sure I understand your comment. Can you clarify please?
> 
> Oh btw we stayed married just a little over 2 years. And we started having all these problems within the first couple of months.


He was the love of your life....for a very short period, it seems.

You miss him. You do. That is the withdrawal feeling.

In order to have withdrawal symptoms [normally] you first get a high, huge smiles and giggles, elation, ecstasy....

Then when you stop taking the feel-good substance, depression, sadness, melancholy sets in.....that is the withdrawal symptoms.

He gave you withdrawal symptoms, but no high.....or very little.


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## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

The feelings are natural. You are going thru the grieving process and are in the "bargaining" stage, where you keep thinking "what if...?" You need to work thru these issues and come to the point of acceptance. It is difficult and you will step on many land mines in your journey to it. But the thing you have to realize is that there were issues in your marriage and that marriage has now ended. So now you have a clean slate to start over. Learn the lessons and grow from the experience so that you don't make the same mistakes again.


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## foolscotton3 (Nov 13, 2014)

Judging by your description of his behavioral patterns, I would find it hard to believe that he will regret letting you go. That level of self destructive shame will manifest justification for the divorce.

I don't blame you for having such little respect for him.

Sent from my Z799VL using Tapatalk


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

How exact would you be better off if he comes back?

Do you have a need to be someone's savior?

He might be back if he can't find another woman willing to put up with his issues. Do you really want the guy nobody else wants?

He's a low value guy. I suspect you know this and can't wrap yourself around how a low value guy wouldn't hang onto a high value woman, which is how you see yourself. 

Not saying you aren't...... you could well be. 

This is about your ego..... you know you're better off without him but your ego is hurt.

Or maybe you like drama.

Give it time and cut him off.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

All perfectly natural feelings, and all feelings that will disappear when you get over your grief and find someone else.
I suggest you take a little time and start dating. 

Your husband has problems and left you. It's highly unlikely that the problems will disappear. More likely his self destructive behavior will get worse. I think you need to move on and when over your grief, I am basically certain you will realize that his leaving was a gift of untold riches to your life.
I'd bet on it.


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