# Being in a wedding with your wife will separated



## MrPack (May 19, 2015)

Hello again. I sort of touched on this in one of my other posts about my new and fresh separation from my wife. It's been about 2 1/2 weeks so far. We are only communicating about financial stuff right now and every once in a while we'll text eachother asking how our day is going.

Anyway, some really good friends of ours are getting married in a little less than a month. The wedding is out of town. I am going up 2 days before the wedding with family and friends becaus there are some activities going on prior to their wedding day. My wife cant go up until the day of the wedding due to school obligations. We are all staying in the same hotel and recently my wife and I talked about us staying in separate rooms because we are separated (which I agree, I dont want to make things weird). I'm just really scared and nervous about being at a wedding with all of our old friends and her. We both agreed that we will not avoid eachother but we also agreed that we will not use this time to talk about our issues. The night/day is about our friends wedding not our issues. Any advice or encouragement on how I should act/feel while I'm there? I'm a groomsman and my wife is a bridesmaid and as far as I know we are walking down the isle together. I just dont know what to expect and my stomach is in knots just thinking about it. Some of my friends are telling me to just suck it up and act like I'm having a good time, act strong and confident but that is going to be HARD!! HELP!!!


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## ScrambledEggs (Jan 14, 2014)

MrPack said:


> Hello again. I sort of touched on this in one of my other posts about my new and fresh separation from my wife. It's been about 2 1/2 weeks so far. We are only communicating about financial stuff right now and every once in a while we'll text eachother asking how our day is going.
> 
> Anyway, some really good friends of ours are getting married in a little less than a month. The wedding is out of town. I am going up 2 days before the wedding with family and friends becaus there are some activities going on prior to their wedding day. My wife cant go up until the day of the wedding due to school obligations. We are all staying in the same hotel and recently my wife and I talked about us staying in separate rooms because we are separated (which I agree, I dont want to make things weird). I'm just really scared and nervous about being at a wedding with all of our old friends and her. We both agreed that we will not avoid eachother but we also agreed that we will not use this time to talk about our issues. The night/day is about our friends wedding not our issues. Any advice or encouragement on how I should act/feel while I'm there? I'm a groomsman and my wife is a bridesmaid and as far as I know we are walking down the isle together. I just dont know what to expect and my stomach is in knots just thinking about it. Some of my friends are telling me to just suck it up and act like I'm having a good time, act strong and confident but that is going to be HARD!! HELP!!!


Don't start anything and there won't be anything. Seriously refuse to discuss your separation, or married life with anyone. If you drink, wait for her to leave to tie it on.


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

Oh my! 

If you can, I think I'd request that you two NOT be paired together.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*It'll be tough, but it'll be doable! And always remember ~ this is being done for your friends and not for you!*


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## MrPack (May 19, 2015)

Some of my friends have told me "you know, the stronger, happier and more confident you look the better". Some of them have even said who knows maybe being at this wedding will "re-spark" something in her head about what she's missing especially if I act confident and happy. I understand that but then again I do not want to get my hopes up. I dont want to do anything to push her further away or make her think that I've given up. Do you think it would be wise for her and I to have a talk prior to the wedding weekend to talk about expectations or do you think that will make things harder? I know I still have almost 4 weeks before the wedding is even here so I'm sure I'll be feeling a little better about all of this and my confidence but just thinking about it now is really hard.


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## Tron (Jan 31, 2013)

Pretend she is just another person in the wedding party. 

Put yourself out there, look good, smell good and make the rounds. If you can, you might even flirt with some of the other ladies.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Have you reserved a second room? For yourself? 

If her financial situation is more strained than yours, pay for both rooms. Don't bring it up. Don't say anything about the money. Just take care of it. 

As far as the wedding goes, if asked during your time there keep it to: we are currently separated

Leave it at that. And if pressed just respond with: This isn't the time or place to get into that type discussion. 

Be polite and friendly to your wife. But let her do most of the talking. Or not if she prefers not to talk much. The most awkward situation will be at meals. If you are seated next to each other, just be polite and low key. And do NOT drink around her. 

Afterwards everyone will say what a 'stand up' guy you are. 

If she offers to pay for the room, say this one time and only one time: I already took care of it. 

If she repeats her desire to pay a second time, just say: it was X$

And then shut up. 




MrPack said:


> Some of my friends have told me "you know, the stronger, happier and more confident you look the better". Some of them have even said who knows maybe being at this wedding will "re-spark" something in her head about what she's missing especially if I act confident and happy. I understand that but then again I do not want to get my hopes up. I dont want to do anything to push her further away or make her think that I've given up. Do you think it would be wise for her and I to have a talk prior to the wedding weekend to talk about expectations or do you think that will make things harder? I know I still have almost 4 weeks before the wedding is even here so I'm sure I'll be feeling a little better about all of this and my confidence but just thinking about it now is really hard.


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## MrPack (May 19, 2015)

MEM11363 said:


> Have you reserved a second room? For yourself?
> 
> If her financial situation is more strained than yours, pay for both rooms. Don't bring it up. Don't say anything about the money. Just take care of it.
> 
> ...


Thank you for your response. The rooms are already paid for by the Brides father so no worries there. Everything you said made perfect sense and is pretty much how I've been thinking of being during this event. I've already thought about controlling my drinking at the wedding I just hope she has the same thoughts for herself.


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

Tron said:


> Pretend she is just another person in the wedding party.
> 
> Put yourself out there, look good, smell good and make the rounds. If you can, you might even flirt with some of the other ladies.


YES, Smell good!!


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## Tron (Jan 31, 2013)

MEM11363 said:


> As far as the wedding goes, if asked during your time there keep it to: we are currently separated
> 
> Leave it at that. And if pressed just respond with: This isn't the time or place to get into that type discussion.


I agree with this. No blame, no victim, no sympathy. Be matter of fact about it, and if pressed, you might simply say "It's complicated". 

As far as keeping the separation a secret, this IS what she says she wants. 



MEM11363 said:


> Be polite and friendly to your wife. But let her do most of the talking. Or not if she prefers not to talk much. The most awkward situation will be at meals. If you are seated next to each other, just be polite and low key. And do NOT drink around her.
> 
> Afterwards everyone will say what a 'stand up' guy you are.


Keep your wits about you, be charming, handle yourself well and this is exactly what they will say. 

And then when the other single ladies come to chat you up, well...


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## MrPack (May 19, 2015)

Thanks alot everyone, it's going to be tough but you guys are REALLY helping me cope with the anxiety/worry. I can do this and I will be okay...


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

If the hotel has a gym, do a long intense workout each day.




MrPack said:


> Thanks alot everyone, it's going to be tough but you guys are REALLY helping me cope with the anxiety/worry. I can do this and I will be okay...


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