# Rebound Relationships



## gouge_away

This topic gets a lot of attention here on TAM. Put the title of this thread into Google Search and you end up with a wealth of knowledge and experience. You don't have to be a licensed therapist to notice the signs and patterns, or tendency of the divorcé to seek out that esteem building, hyped, diametrically opposed personality of your former lover. I like to think of it as auto-pedestaling.

Rebounds can be the most painful experiences, or the richest blessings in the realm of love and loss. The difference depends on how it ends, or maybe your expectations going in. It seems the key to success (not implying LTR success, but overall positive experience) is being on the same page and seeing the relationship for what it really is, not what it could be.

Let's dissect this phenomenon, what's your experience, with the other "R?"


----------



## Chuck71

We dated from Jan '13 to Oct '14.... I officially ended it. As often the case, ending it doesn't mean

"no more tomorrows." Many are a last resort to telling the other to wake the fvck up.... we're in trouble.

Did it hurt to do it... oh he!! yes. Do I regret it, not one bit. Between the break up and the 

four weeks before she moved out, I learned a lot about her. She was a pro at the romantic stage 

but failed miserably when it progressed beyond this. Her actions after the night she moved out

have sadly (yeah I did love her, shoot me) confirmed my darkest fears..... it was destined for failure.

One can plant tulips over a pile of schit all you want but eventually, it shows itself. 

Was she complete opposite of XW.... no. X gf had a lot of the original qualities XW did....

It just took 5-7 years for XWs great qualities to fade... just to x g/f 18 months


----------



## NextTimeAround

To guard against a potential rebound relationship, the person should remnd themselves that they had a life before met this person and that they should continue it even while they know this person.

This is why dating guides that tell women / people, you should only see the guy once a week with a few calls in between is a good guideline.

I can think of times when I gave up activities; turend down an invitation to a party or worse cancelled plans with others; should have spent my evening studying for an exam instead of accepting that fervent last minute invitation from someone who was so f^cking selfish that they didn't care...... and then when you call them on it, they remind you that it's YOUR decision. Well, alright then.


----------



## Midnight_cowboy

I jumped right into a rebound relationship after the failure of my 15 year marriage.

I was no where near ready to date but that fresh pu$$y was too hard to resist.

I put that poor girl through an emotional meatgrinder for several months before she told me I wasnt in a good place for a relationship and she dumped me in hysterics.


----------



## jorgegene

me too.

i've had two rebound relationships, and both were not good.

one was a disaster for me, and the other was good for me, but not for her, i ended up breaking her heart.

the problem is one of not wanting to be alone. even though you know that you should take time off and be alone for a while, it takes a ton of
discipline, inner strength and fortitude to stick to it. compound that by the fact that you are wounded, lonely and vulnerable and you have a recipe 
for disaster. you keep telling yourself "it'll be ok, this one's different" NOT!!!!


----------



## philglossop

I had a rebound, about 3 months after I'd split from XH. It was good, but it was a snap judgement to avoid being lonely if I'm honest. 

I ended it after 2 months, there wasn't a lot between us to keep it going- and I certainly wasn't ready.

Luckily, I've remained friends and we see each other occasionally and chat.


----------



## bkyln309

Since I am only 6 months divorced, I will say this about the two men I have dated since the divorce. 

One was everything I technically want in a man and total opposite of my X. I really liked him but while he said he was ready to see me more, he was too busy to implement it. I think we finally just gave up. I do think I should have had more boundaries with him though. He pushed alot and I let him. That is something I need to work on.

The other man I have been seeing for 4 months. He is much more like my X. I know he is not Mr Long Term. He is Mr Right Now. He is trustworthy and kind and we have a great time. It feels good and I am riding the wave until there is no more wave just for kicks. But I need more of the characteristics of the first man to make me feel secure. I will be sad when it ends. We are terrific friends.


----------



## Dude007

Has anyone on here made it at least six months w no dating/sex/etc after D? That could be a scary six months.


----------



## bkyln309

Dude007 said:


> Has anyone on here made it at least six months w no dating/sex/etc after D? That could be a scary six months.


Wasnt scary for me at all. My marriage had been dead for 10 years. It was a relief.


----------



## philglossop

Dude 

If I'm being honest here, rebound is the fact of being alone kicking in big style. It's a case of the very first person to show a single % point of interest and yup we'll go for it after the massive hurt of separation.

Doesn't make it wrong if it fails, doesn't make it worse if it works. But the chances of failure are worse after separation and divorce which we start in my eyes.

The thing is to grow from it. It is in my eyes part of divorce and separation and growth. 

And any learning isn't to be sniffed at is it? :smile2:


----------



## Dude007

philglossop said:


> Dude
> 
> If I'm being honest here, rebound is the fact of being alone kicking in big style. It's a case of the very first person to show a single % point of interest and yup we'll go for it after the massive hurt of separation.
> 
> Doesn't make it wrong if it fails, doesn't make it worse if it works. But the chances of failure are worse after separation and divorce which we start in my eyes.
> 
> The thing is to grow from it. It is in my eyes part of divorce and separation and growth.
> 
> And any learning isn't to be sniffed at is it? :smile2:


So being alone really hard to take after a long time marriage, even if it was a bad marriage at least someone was there. Is that what I'm hearing?


----------



## Dude007

bkyln309 said:


> Wasnt scary for me at all. My marriage had been dead for 10 years. It was a relief.


Did you stay alone six months plus?


----------



## jorgegene

i wish i had stayed alone 6 months.

funny thing is, i was a bachelor (and no dating) for years. I was one of those guys that was great with myself.
No problem being alone, or had my friends to hang out with when I wanted too.
I didn't need nobody. I was pretty darn happy without by myself. even sought it out.

then in middle age, i rediscovered women. that took acre of that. the rest is history.


----------



## Marduk

I fell so hard for my first rebound after marriage #1.

And she was so very broken. It was so very messed up, brutal, painful...

_and fun._

It's a part of things. Just don't think it's forever, is all.


----------



## Rowan

Dude007 said:


> Has anyone on here made it at least six months w no dating/sex/etc after D? That could be a scary six months.


Yep. 

I didn't date at all for 14 months after my divorce. I was so completely and utterly done with my ex-husband that I didn't miss him. I'd been so lonely in my marriage for so long that actually being alone was just a relief. And I definitely needed to heal and learn to be "me", rather than a part of "us". 

When I began dating early this year, I did so with the intention to meet some interesting people and, maybe, find someone I'd like to spend more time with. I've done that. I've met a number of interesting, kind, fun, intelligent men who will make some other lucky women great partners. I had a 3 month relationship that ended when he ghosted on me. I began another relationship a couple months ago that seems to be going well. I'm in no rush. I want someone in my life, but I don't require someone. I'm not afraid of being alone.


----------



## Wolf1974

I'm not sure that I have ever really had a rebound. My first girlfriend after my divorce lasted 6 months. Prior to her I was dating any women I could find and having a blast. I had no commitment issues and have never been afraid of being alone. So my friends call her my rebound but I never thought she was. I do however think I was definetly her rebound She was going though her divorce when I met her and just a mess cause of it


----------



## Dude007

So this fear of being alone is a big reason for a Plan B(affair) one would think?


----------



## Satya

It wasn't technically a rebound I suppose , but I started a very long distance "relationship" with a good OS friend after being divorced for over a year. 

Combination of me still healing and him not ready to make the plunge into adult life actually caused some real pain. I had to end a 7-year friendship over it. I don't mourn it, but remember all the great times. Sometimes people have a transitory presence in our lives.


----------



## Dude007

Satya said:


> It wasn't technically a rebound I suppose , but I started a very long distance "relationship" with a good OS friend after being divorced for over a year.
> 
> Combination of me still healing and him not ready to make the plunge into adult life actually caused some real pain. I had to end a 7-year friendship over it. I don't mourn it, but remember all the great times. Sometimes people have a transitory presence in our lives.



Brilliantly written...DUDE


----------



## bkyln309

Dude007 said:


> Did you stay alone six months plus?



Yes, I was separated for six months. Didnt date until the ink was on the paper. 

I will say that this "rule" all depends on the relationship you had before leaving. I was alone in my marriage for a long time before I was divorced. We pretty much didnt talk for the last 3 years. Had problems for 10. He moved downstairs a year before separation and lived his own life. And then separation. Then divorce. 

I was alone in every aspect of life. I didnt need more alone time when I divorced.


----------



## Dude007

bkyln309 said:


> Yes, I was separated for six months. Didnt date until the ink was on the paper.
> 
> I will say that this "rule" all depends on the relationship you had before leaving. I was alone in my marriage for a long time before I was divorced. We pretty much didnt talk for the last 3 years. Had problems for 10. He moved downstairs a year before separation and lived his own life. And then separation. Then divorce.
> 
> I was alone in every aspect of life. I didnt need more alone time when I divorced.


If you didn't need any more alone time why wait the six months?


----------



## bkyln309

Dude007 said:


> If you didn't need any more alone time why wait the six months?



I waited six months because technically I was still married. Doesnt mean I wasnt alone just legally married on paper. Not to mention, most attorneys will advise you to hold off dating until everything is finalized.


----------



## Rowan

My ex-husband and I have been divorced just shy of 18 months. He's about to marry his rebound. She's a perfectly lovely woman, but he was also her rebound. Neither of them can stand to be alone, neither did any healing or even much introspection after their respective divorces, she's extremely high maintenance (insecure and emotionally needy) and he's a proven serial cheater with strong narcissistic tendencies. From watching that oncoming slow-motion train wreck unfold, I....don't recommend that course of action.....


----------



## Holland

Dude007 said:


> Has anyone on here made it at least six months w no dating/sex/etc after D? That could be a scary six months.


I did not date for 12 months post divorce even though the marriage was long over and I initiated the D.

One day I woke up and was ready to get back into the world but not in a serious way so I casually dated for some time. I also multi dated which was heaps of fun. This was all very cathartic for me and I did not have a rebound relationship, just a few very short term flings and a FWB. I then got into a serious relationship which is hard work post divorce but easier because I had a lot out of my system before getting serious again.


----------

