# Looking for a men's perspective



## bagelboy (Apr 22, 2008)

So I started this thread at the women's forum. 
http://talkaboutmarriage.com/ladies-lounge/409418-need-wifes-womans-input.html#post18981658

Fully intending to come here after to get a male/husband perspective.

Its pretty clear over there I am the scum of the earth but actually it really helped me. Helped to end an affair.

So. Guys. Please read it and give me your input.

I wonder if one of you is, was in my position. i.e.

Is or was married.
Had, is having an affair
Was married and is now with the OW.

I would appreciate your perspective.

Just to make it clear. This affair is over. I ended it. I told my wife.

Tonight I go to my p-doc and counselor and spill the beans.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

Do I understand that you had an affair and have left your wife and are with the other woman? If so, what is the problem?


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## bagelboy (Apr 22, 2008)

No
1. Had an affair that lasted 3 weeks. It's over, door closed. Done
2. I am still married. Have never left or separated from her


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## Rhubarb (Dec 1, 2017)

bagelboy said:


> Its pretty clear over there I am the scum of the earth


I'm guessing it's going to be the same here too.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Are you aware that about half the people who posted to you on your other thread are men? I don't think you are going to get any different input here than you did there.

You don't want sex with your wife because you are not attracted to her. You are misserable in your marriage. You cheated. 

Why don't you just divorce your wife so that the two of you can get on with your lives?


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## bagelboy (Apr 22, 2008)

EleGirl said:


> Are you aware that about half the people who posted to you on your other thread are men? I don't think you are going to get any different input here than you did there.
> 
> You don't want sex with your wife because you are not attracted to her. You are misserable in your marriage. You cheated.
> 
> Why don't you just divorce your wife so that the two of you can get on with your lives?


No I was not aware.

ok.


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## bagelboy (Apr 22, 2008)

Ill move on.


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## WilliamM (Mar 14, 2017)

I think a guy who has an affair instead of confronting his wife and fixing the marriage or divorcing her is scum of the earth.

That said, even scum of the earth might have a place in this world if his wife wanted to forgive him. But she should make you pay horribly. But not quite as horribly as I made my wife pay. What I did to my wife was criminal. I have learned better now. 

Hurting your wife was wrong. You deserve to suffer horribly for years before she even begins to consider forgiving you.

I am a guy, and a pretty wild and crazy guy, and sex is just sex, no big deal. But hurting your wife is wrong on a scale that you obviously are not equipped to understand.


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## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

I won't say you are the scum of the earth. I do not know what your situation is. Perhaps you succumbed to weakness, perhaps your marriage is in shambles. I don't know.
There are lot's of posters here who love to say, "not me!" but the reality is that no one knows what they would do if they were in your shoes.
I will give you credit for confessing what you have done. I hope that whatever your situation is, that it is resolved in everyones' best interests. If your W is willing to forgive you, I sincerely hope you have learned your lesson and have a long and happy marriage going forward. If she doesn't, I hope your divorce is as painless for her as it possibly can be and again that you have learned your lesson.


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## Steve2.0 (Dec 11, 2017)

Well you might have had a chance to change things around PRE affair and PRE disclosure... But now you have a whole new set of problems.


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