# He's not interested



## lovethebeach (Aug 23, 2011)

Ok, so my husband and I are approcahing our 6 year anniversary. We are both in our 20's with no kids yet. We both have great jobs, live in a nice house, and we have alot of friends all various ages.

When we were dating we fell head over heels for each other and so the story goes right? The first year was the worst. It was hard for us both to get adjusted, new jobs, new apt,bills...we fought alot...lol! But once we moved past the first year we began to grow and press through the tough days. We've had alot of amazing times together and I truly believe that we love each other alot! However we are kind of going through some weird "thing" right now and I hate it. Just to bring you up to speed, my husband has been working alot the past 3-4 weeks. He was busting his tail for a promotion and he finally got it! YAY! I am so grateful that he works as hard as he does, and I understand that is one of his ways of showing he loves me. But here's the kicker: i feel like, and I know this will sound awful, but I feel like I am just too good to him sometimes. So much so, that I feel that he has no clue what he has in me. My friends,family,co-workers and church friends are always raving about how great of a person/wife I am. how lucky he is...blah blah! I feel like everyone sees it but him. I don't do things for him to get recognition, I do them because I love him. But its exhausting trying to get his attention. I take care of everything, dinner,house chores,bills, working, you name it. Our main issue right now is sex and communication. I would be up for wild sex every night, but not him. We have had sex once in almost a month! I'm miserable like this! What am I supposed to do...i'm not going to beg him. As far as communicating, he thinks he can just come in and plop down in front of the computer every night and that we should be fine...I want deep, meanigful talks, I want to make out..what happened to us? I've tried booking us for a romantic vacay in FL...it was ok, but it was not the fireworks and reconnecting I had hoped for...he just seemed out of it the whole time. I've also tried backing off from him and this seems to fuel him away from me more. HELP!!!


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## piqued (Mar 25, 2010)

first and foremost, have you talked to him about it? If so, what does he say?


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

I am currently going through a period where I am working very long extra hours in hopes of getting a promotion as well. If his job is anything like mine he may be mentally exhausted. That could be why he "checks out" on the computer when he gets home. Just doesnt want to think anymore.


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## lovethebeach (Aug 23, 2011)

Yes, we've talked about it. He knows I feel neglected, but he's not really trying to fix it. As far as sex, he tells me that he knows its bad right now, but that he does want to have sex more often...but why does he turn me down? he says one thing and does another...and then the other day he said his love language is sex! im thinking wow...then you should want it! doesnt make sense to me at all.


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## piqued (Mar 25, 2010)

lovethebeach said:


> Yes, we've talked about it. He knows I feel neglected, but he's not really trying to fix it. As far as sex, he tells me that he knows its bad right now, but that he does want to have sex more often...but why does he turn me down? he says one thing and does another...and then the other day he said his love language is sex! im thinking wow...then you should want it! doesnt make sense to me at all.


Have you tried things that might lead to sex rather than just saying "hey, wanna screw honey"? IOW, if you come up and start kissing him but he isn't relaxed he may just recoil and feel pressure to perform. That will only increase his anxiety and cause him to reject your advances.

But, if you give him a shoulder rub while he's on the computer, then just give him a soft kiss on the cheek and walk away, he'll feel more relaxed (from the rub) and a whole less pressured. Do things like that for a few days and see if that leads to sex.

One thing that happens in marriages is that if people go for awhile without sex some negative sexual energy develops. The best way to describe it for males is that they're "afraid" to do it. It's strange and hard to explain, but until they get over the hump it is very difficult to have sex. That's why leading the horse to water slowly with unpressured physical gestures is often a good route to take.

It's either that or give him the "f**k me now or lose me forever" talk


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