# If it is guaranteed that swinging wont ruin/damage ur marriage would you do it?



## Tourchwood (Feb 1, 2011)

Ladies and Gentlemen If it is guaranteed that swinging wont ruin/damage ur marriage would you do it


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## WhereAmI (Nov 3, 2010)

Someone has a thing for polls. 

I'm assuming you meant three-some, and answered accordingly. 

I'm the type of female who wants to shank any woman who flirts with my husband, so a 2f1m threesome would be out of the question. I couldn't do 2m1f because I'm deathly afraid of pregnancy and STDs. 

I know you're saying that I'm supposed to think of it as not ruining my marriage, but my brain just can't go there.


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## Tourchwood (Feb 1, 2011)

thank 4 your for reply, 

Polls are easy and quick way to sort answer fast rather than reading each post. I wish everyone would include a poll.


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## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

No, because despite what you are saying I don't see how adding a third party ever makes people closer.

I know my SO would never want to see me with another man, and fair enough and I don't want to ever see him with another woman.

I think if a man cares about a woman he is not going to want to put her at risk of pregnancy and STD's, and if a woman loves her man she wouldn't want to have those risks for him either.

I think it would create a million issues.


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## surfergirl (Jan 27, 2011)

I bet you don't get as many men picking option three as you do option two. 

My answer is no to any kind of swapping or adding another person to the mix.


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## ConfusedMe:/ (Mar 5, 2011)

I don't think you'll get anyone openly saying they'd be swingers if they could even with the promise it wouldnt ruin or damage the relationship..... except me .

It's to much of a stigma and not a socially accepted standard. Which is why judgement may be cast on a forum like this or elsewhere for that matter. A lot of people think it's nasty and disgusting while some don't care what other people do behind closed doors.

I don't cast judgement though. I know swingers and I have seen what it can do to a relationship/marriage.


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## WadeWilson (Jul 4, 2010)

Waaaayyyyyy.... Toooooooo..... Selfish, I cannot share nor can my wife...

Waaaaayyyyyy..... Toooooo..... Self concious, I'm still embarassed about being naked around my wife at times...

I have to know someone very personally to get that personal with anybody, and once I know them then it would be awkward...


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## MarriedWifeInLove (May 28, 2010)

Have done it - had a blast.

Like it best with MFM - hubby does too.

Don't knock it until you've tried it.

One thing though - you have to trust that your spouse will not go outside of pre-set boundaries. But, if you're both on board and understand that it's just about sex - then, no problem (at least for us).


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## MarriedWifeInLove (May 28, 2010)

WadeWilson said:


> Waaaayyyyyy.... Toooooooo..... Selfish, I cannot share nor can my wife...
> 
> Waaaaayyyyyy..... Toooooo..... Self concious, I'm still embarassed about being naked around my wife at times...
> 
> I have to know someone very personally to get that personal with anybody, and once I know them then it would be awkward...


You'd be shocked at the different types of people - short, tall, heavy, skinny, well endowed, not well endowed, etc.

It's not just for the beautiful, young and everything in it's place. 

A lot of us old geezers out there playing!


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## MarriedWifeInLove (May 28, 2010)

surfergirl said:


> I bet you don't get as many men picking option three as you do option two.
> 
> My answer is no to any kind of swapping or adding another person to the mix.


Except my hubby - this is his perfect mix.

Mine too!


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## trey69 (Dec 29, 2010)

No can't say that I would. Just not my thing.


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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

ConfusedMe:/ said:


> I don't think you'll get anyone openly saying they'd be swingers if they could even with the promise it wouldnt ruin or damage the relationship..... except me .


Yah you will. There are no such guarantees. Nonetheless my husband and I did it for several years. The lack of guarantees is what caused us to tread carefully. The risk and its being handled with care and respect is what drove us even closer. 



> It's to much of a stigma and not a socially accepted standard. Which is why judgement may be cast on a forum like this or elsewhere for that matter. A lot of people think it's nasty and disgusting while some don't care what other people do behind closed doors.


A lot of people can suck my ... oh right I don't have one. 



> I don't cast judgement though. I know swingers and I have seen what it can do to a relationship/marriage.


Me too. I have also seen what it can do FOR.


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## spartan (Jun 8, 2010)

your wife is your wife, if you are not satisfied, then leave. your husband is your husband, if you are not satisfied then leave.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

I love the fact he has only been mine his entire sexual history and he loves that I have never been touched by another as well, only we have access to each other's secret places. This is worth something very valuable to us. I could not share with another without such a connection. I think it would damage something inside of me if I did - and I know it would destroy him.


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## typewittyusernamehere (Feb 12, 2011)

SimplyAmorous said:


> I love the fact he has only been mine his entire sexual history and he loves that I have never been touched by another as well, only we have access to each other's secret places. This is worth something very valuable to us. I could not share with another without such a connection. I think it would damage something inside of me if I did - and I know it would destroy him.


Love this
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MarriedWifeInLove (May 28, 2010)

spartan said:


> your wife is your wife, if you are not satisfied, then leave. your husband is your husband, if you are not satisfied then leave.


Swinging in my home has NOTHING to do whatsoever with not being satisifed.

I am perfectly satisfied with my husband, his looks, my attraction for him, etc. Has nothing to do with it.

After 27 years...doesn't hurt to mix things up and spice it up.

Sort of like having the spaghetti every Monday night for dinner - sometimes you just might want a steak instead.

Or at least this is how 'I' look at it.


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## MarriedWifeInLove (May 28, 2010)

SimplyAmorous said:


> I love the fact he has only been mine his entire sexual history and he loves that I have never been touched by another as well, only we have access to each other's secret places. This is worth something very valuable to us. I could not share with another without such a connection. I think it would damage something inside of me if I did - and I know it would destroy him.


And I appreciate that each of you has that connection.

Being married before (the both of us), we don't have exclusive sexual history - never have.

So what we do makes no difference in that regard.

But it's great that you both do - not much of that anymore!


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## ConfusedMe:/ (Mar 5, 2011)

Mom6547 said:


> Yah you will. There are no such guarantees. Nonetheless my husband and I did it for several years. The lack of guarantees is what caused us to tread carefully. The risk and its being handled with care and respect is what drove us even closer.
> 
> 
> A lot of people can suck my ... oh right I don't have one.
> ...



I meant "for" not "to". But yes indeed, swinging could be a good thing. Could be a completely aweful thing as well, depending on the solidity of the relationship. I would never suggest swinging to a struggling couple. Even a great relationship with the tiniest crack can completely crumble if the couple isn't ready for it.

And it's each to their own with a thread like this.


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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

MarriedWifeInLove said:


> And I appreciate that each of you has that connection.
> 
> Being married before (the both of us), we don't have exclusive sexual history - never have.
> 
> ...


Viva la difference! Have you ever noticed that SA never criticizes the other points of view? These differences can coexist without any criticism of the other. She does that with grace.


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

My reasons for saying no are not as romantic as SA. I wouldnt do it for the same reason that my H is my only sexual partner....diseases and unwanted pregnancy.


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## MarriedWifeInLove (May 28, 2010)

Mom6547 said:


> Viva la difference! Have you ever noticed that SA never criticizes the other points of view? These differences can coexist without any criticism of the other. She does that with grace.


Yes she does.

Viva la difference!


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Mom6547 said:


> Viva la difference! Have you ever noticed that SA never criticizes the other points of view? These differences can coexist without any criticism of the other. She does that with grace.


 I want to know how you changed your username on here ? 

Yes, very true, I am very OPEN to what other married couples may do, it is their marraige, their happiness, if they are both on board and it "works" for them, who am I to speak against it. Some couples enjoy Nudist camps too. It is a little out there for many of us, but it's all in what you enjoy in life. Some look at sex like a sport, a passtime. I find these people rather fasinating. 

We have a Swinger friend (of coarse he was in a sexless marraige so this gave him an outlet to enjoy, his wife knew all about it), and one of our sons friend's parents are Swingers, have even heard my Doc goes to the Local Swingers Club. Everytime I see him, I can't help but think of him in some hot tub with a babe. 

I even rented a documentary on it once, it showed 3 different situations. One was a married couple with a young child, they tried it and it caused alot of problems for them, the wife getting jealous, questioning her husband's intent. 

It showed some younger people-experimenting, also wasn't working out as planned-alot of hurt feelings with the 2 females involved. But the last older couple, it was working beautifully, they BOTH appeared very happy, very into it, both excited to find new partners. It was a big part of their life, they appeared very confident & very much in love.


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## spartan (Jun 8, 2010)

MarriedWifeInLove said:


> Sort of like having the spaghetti every Monday night for dinner - sometimes you just might want a steak instead.
> 
> Or at least this is how 'I' look at it.


the way "I" look at it then is that you should have decided 27 years ago what you wanted for dinner. 

I respect your opinion on this, however, as a man I would not share my wife with another man/woman.


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## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

spartan said:


> the way "I" look at it then is that you should have decided 27 years ago what you wanted for dinner.
> 
> I respect your opinion on this, however, as a man I would not share my wife with another man/woman.


My fiance once said, something like if you have nothing special that's just for the two of you, then you have nothing special.

(can' remember the exact words but i really liked it).


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## MarriedWifeInLove (May 28, 2010)

Syrum said:


> My fiance once said, something like if you have nothing special that's just for the two of you, then you have nothing special.
> 
> (can' remember the exact words but i really liked it).


But is 'sex' the only thing special you can have in a relationship/marriage?

Not in mine - we have LOTS of special things...doesn't just have to be our sexual intimacy.

When you swing - there is no "intimacy" involved - that's the whole point. They don't have my 'heart', he does and vice versa.

What works for one doesn't always work for another - so I respect your (and others) viewpoint and I'm sure you respect mine.


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## MarriedWifeInLove (May 28, 2010)

spartan said:


> the way "I" look at it then is that you should have decided 27 years ago what you wanted for dinner.
> 
> I respect your opinion on this, however, as a man I would not share my wife with another man/woman.


And I respect yours too.

Different strokes!


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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

MarriedWifeInLove said:


> And I appreciate that each of you has that connection.
> 
> Being married before (the both of us), we don't have exclusive sexual history - never have.
> 
> ...


Exclusivity just is not a requirement for intimacy for us. Used to be. But just is not a factor anymore.


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## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

MarriedWifeInLove said:


> But is 'sex' the only thing special you can have in a relationship/marriage?
> 
> Not in mine - we have LOTS of special things...doesn't just have to be our sexual intimacy.
> 
> ...


Nope but it is the most physically intimate thing we do with someone IMO.

Also we have emotional intimacy, where we tell each other things that we don't tell anyone else. Those two things set our relationship a part from mere friendship. We both believe if you are giving those two things away to everybody else then your relationship is not as special. And neither of us believe that inviting a third person makes you closer or more connected. JMO


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## 4sure (Aug 8, 2010)

No way. We both are way to possessive of each other. If we wanted to have sex with others we would have remained single.

My H is a 10 imo why would I trade him to get a 8 or worse. No one can make me happy like he can. I have the best why would I want lesser quality.


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## woodstock (Feb 21, 2011)

When I was young a free, sure... we let another play with us (with the SO of the time) but now... Nope... I don't share.. been there done that. It was a fun, exciting experience, but my relationship with both men at the time was unique (never would have happened with anyone else) and I know that.

nope.... These days I just don't want to share. The idea of it no longer turns me on. So without question... NOPE


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## Jamison (Feb 10, 2011)

I would have to say no. I don't need/want any other p*ss. 

However, the person I'm seeing just asked about this very thing a few days ago. She told me it wasn't because I wasn't enough or that she wasn't satisfied with just me. I call BS on it, not sure why someone would want some different d*ck then. 

So because she is wanting this and I am not, I am now in a situation where I'll be rethinking my relationship with her. We will probably have the break up discussion over the weekend.


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## MarriedWifeInLove (May 28, 2010)

Mom6547 said:


> Exclusivity just is not a requirement for intimacy for us. Used to be. But just is not a factor anymore.


Same here.

Not a factor in our relationship either - we have no problems with 'separating' the two.


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## MarriedWifeInLove (May 28, 2010)

4sure said:


> No way. We both are way to possessive of each other. If we wanted to have sex with others we would have remained single.
> 
> My H is a 10 imo why would I trade him to get a 8 or worse. No one can make me happy like he can. I have the best why would I want lesser quality.


And that's the difference between the mindset of someone who 'would' swing and someone who definitely 'wouldn't.'

I consider my husband a 15! But that has NOTHING to do with it. 

Not for us anyway...


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## Dayhiker (Mar 5, 2011)

I put in a no even though I have traveled that path. Turns out I'm a relationship guy and can't separate sex from emotion so I am pushing for monogamy.


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## chingchang (Sep 21, 2010)

I'd love to have that lifestyle with my wife...but she said no way in hell!


CC


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

chingchang said:


> I'd love to have that lifestyle with my wife...but she said no way in hell!
> 
> 
> CC


Why would you want this?


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

No, but I would be an exhibitionist.


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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

SimplyAmorous said:


> I want to know how you changed your username on here ?


I wrote to a mod. I forget which one. I have been saying some things that would not go over well with my family. My handle was like a sign that said who I was. 



> We have a Swinger friend (of coarse he was in a sexless marraige so this gave him an outlet to enjoy, his wife knew all about it), and one of our sons friend's parents are Swingers, have even heard my Doc goes to the Local Swingers Club. Everytime I see him, I can't help but think of him in some hot tub with a babe.
> 
> I even rented a documentary on it once, it showed 3 different situations. One was a married couple with a young child, they tried it and it caused alot of problems for them, the wife getting jealous, questioning her husband's intent.


I may have seen the same one, though I don't remember the child. I remember the husband was a bit of a selfish dolt, all about pressuring her to do things so that he could too.



> It showed some younger people-experimenting, also wasn't working out as planned-alot of hurt feelings with the 2 females involved. But the last older couple, it was working beautifully, they BOTH appeared very happy, very into it, both excited to find new partners. It was a big part of their life, they appeared very confident & very much in love.


Check out "The Lifestyle". It has some disturbing bits, like a big conference or something in which an 80yo woman winds the lingerie dance competition. Certainly nothing we have ever gotten into!


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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

Blanca said:


> My reasons for saying no are not as romantic as SA. I wouldnt do it for the same reason that my H is my only sexual partner....diseases and unwanted pregnancy.



Certainly the only way to be completely certain of no disease is to remain with only one partner ever. So that is sound. But this gives an interesting opportunity to share a much unknown fact. People tend to assume that STDs run wild in the swinging community. It seems that the facts do not support that at all. Since we are open, there is nothing preventing testing. People speak openly about testing, how often they are tested... Seems that the rate of STD transmission in cheating spouses is way higher than that among swingers.


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

Mom6547 said:


> Certainly the only way to be completely certain of no disease is to remain with only one partner ever. So that is sound. But this gives an interesting opportunity to share a much unknown fact. People tend to assume that STDs run wild in the swinging community. It seems that the facts do not support that at all. Since we are open, there is nothing preventing testing. People speak openly about testing, how often they are tested... Seems that the rate of STD transmission in cheating spouses is way higher than that among swingers.


Can you cite the source of this statistic?

Interesting study published last year by the Journal of Sexually Transmitted Infections (I know, lovely title):

http://sti.bmj.com/content/86/4/315.abstract

http://health.usnews.com/health-new...gers-at-high-std-risk?s_cid=related-links:TOP

Pertinent quote from article:

"Many swingers, it would seem, are not practicing safe sex, said Dr. Cynthia Krause, assistant clinical professor of obstetrics and gynecology at Mount Sinai School of Medicine in New York City. That's suggested by the fact that the chlamydia and gonorrhea rate among female swingers was six times higher than that of prostitutes, she noted.

"Maybe they are not using condoms and the prostitutes are," Krause said."


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## marcopoly69 (Sep 7, 2010)

Thinking about it today, doesn't really turns me on....don't know if the thought of it, will in the future. I think the problem here is if you feel so comfortable with your spouse that you can be anywhere and kiss everywhere, can you do the same for someone you don't love?...I mean this is the problem for me...when I make love to my wife, or even just having sex, there is a connection based on years of knowing each other, and since we are not super young and adventurous or kind of old and looking desperately to spice things up, I am in a situation where I would rather using toys and video to see us making crazy love or toys to give her the experience of being with two di...ks inside....or finger her while she gives me oral.....

To be honest, who could refuse a beautiful young girl in the mix, but what are the chances....and my wife is straight and she wouldn't feel okay having a young female body to compete against.....yah....it is not for me...


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## MarriedWifeInLove (May 28, 2010)

marcopoly69 said:


> Thinking about it today, doesn't really turns me on....don't know if the thought of it, will in the future. I think the problem here is if you feel so comfortable with your spouse that you can be anywhere and kiss everywhere, can you do the same for someone you don't love?...I mean this is the problem for me...when I make love to my wife, or even just having sex, there is a connection based on years of knowing each other, and since we are not super young and adventurous or kind of old and looking desperately to spice things up, I am in a situation where I would rather using toys and video to see us making crazy love or toys to give her the experience of being with two di...ks inside....or finger her while she gives me oral.....
> 
> To be honest, who could refuse a beautiful young girl in the mix, but what are the chances....and my wife is straight and she wouldn't feel okay having a young female body to compete against.....yah....it is not for me...



And it's not for everyone, nothing is.

I hate strawberries - but I don't begrudge the people who love them.

Same thing, different subject.


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

MarriedWifeInLove said:


> Same thing, different subject.


you liken having an unfaithful marriage, even when agreed to by the spouse, to whether someone likes strawberries?
this is funny but not in a good way.

i just feel it is completely wrong.
i think it shows bad morals and not being content with what you have.

as my dear Syrum stated, sex and emotional bonding are 2 things that should be between only 2 people, at least when a marriage is involved. if you spread them around to others, even if you dont feel you are emotionally bonding with the outside people, i dont feel like you really have anything. 
i feel like if people want to have sex with other people, very simple, dont get married.


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## Grayson (Oct 28, 2010)

WITH said guarantee, we'd allow another woman in.

No, no...not cuz I'm a pervy, horny guy who wants two women. Well...ok...not ONLY for that reason.

No, my wife opened up to me a few years ago that she's long been curious about being with another woman. Since that's obviously an experience I can't give her myself, I thought about it and told her that she could indulge that curiosity, on the condition that I get to be in the room (to indulge my own fantasy of watching two women together, in person...no expectation on my part of participating). She sort of half-heartedly was on the lookout for someone with which she could take me up on that offer.

In the wake of our problems over the past year (her EA's and ONS PA), she recently told me that she is no longer looking for a woman to experiment with, saying that, while I may think I'm capable of handling her being with another woman, she believes that, if it really were to happen, that I wouldn't be able to.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

MarriedWifeInLove said:


> And that's the difference between the mindset of someone who 'would' swing and someone who definitely 'wouldn't.'
> 
> I consider my husband a 15! But that has NOTHING to do with it.
> 
> Not for us anyway...


So if are satisfied with one another why do it?

How has it enhanced and enriched your relationship?

Has it brought you closer as a couple?

I would imagine that if people swing it and endorse it that they would have a better relationship, or at least think they do then their peers.

Does it increase you attraction to each other?

I don't think any man who values and loves his wife as he should would want to see her with another man. And vice versa.


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## ladyybyrd (Jan 4, 2011)

I voted no- because inviting other ppl in is just not a good idea, no matter how strong the marriage is. just my two cents


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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

Syrum said:


> So if are satisfied with one another why do it?


When I began home schooling people would ask me well why aren't you putting your kids in school. This assumes that there is only ONE workable model for education. Why assume that public school is the only and right option? Life is full of options, including alternate models of relationship.

I have given some of the very positive things that swinging added to our marriage. Consider some of those as why.




> How has it enhanced and enriched your relationship?


Ah, perhaps you did not see previous descriptions.

- Some of the mentality that we MUST be exclusive and monogamous is removed. We know that we now are because we CHOOSE to be. 

- We have developed a level of trust, not in the institution of marriage, or the faithfulness based in vows or obligation, but in a completely different context. When **** hits fan, and it did, we both acted in a manner that demonstrated both love and trustworthiness. It is hard to describe. Whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger, perhaps?

- We shared some rowdy, risque fun! What fun it is to have a naughty little secret.




> Has it brought you closer as a couple?


Speaking for us, yes. Very, very much so.



> I would imagine that if people swing it and endorse it that they would have a better relationship, or at least think they do then their peers.


Honestly, most of my peers are so freaking relationship clueless that swinging would decimate them. You have to be good going IN. Then the benefits of swinging are like gravy. 



> Does it increase you attraction to each other?


Did for us for a short time. But we were never lacking in the first place. We had a nice time with things like reclamation... 



> I don't think any man who values and loves his wife as he should would want to see her with another man. And vice versa.


You have an ownership mindset that others don't share.


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