# Dont know if I should call this seperated...please help. really desperate



## mizzbrowneyes (May 17, 2013)

My husband and I have been married almost five years (but will have been together six by the time our anniversary comes). We have been having some problems ever sinced we moved up north to stay with some of his family and I noticed we stopped spending time together because he spent all hs time with everyone else.

OUr whole mess started with a simple request of me asing him to spend some time with me and for us to make time for us and our three kids as a family. He acted like it was such a complicated thing to do that I was getting frustrated. He would stay up late with his sister drinking or watching movies but wouldn't do anything with me. I have been sleeping by myself a lot these last three weeks and I would cry until I got tired because I was so frustrated I couldn't sleep at all. Well last week he tells me he wants a divorce because we argue all the time, on top of all our other problems (mostly past stuff) and him telling me that I haven't changed at all but he has (some, not really). Well I told him that no matter what is going on I have always been willing to fix anything to make our marriage stronger and better.

But I had told him I wouldn't make him stay with me if he didn't want to be married. That same night he comes back and tells me that he's sorry and he doesn't want a divorce.

So I'm still trying to help us fix things and make our marriage better. The last couple days its been him up my ass about petty things, accusing me of cheating, and just starting fights. Yesterday I had enough and snapped on him.

One of the main reasns I have been so angry with him too is that he spends all his time with his sister. HE stopped asking me to do anything. She does it all for him. And ith urt my feelings because when I would offer to help it got turned down a lot of the time.

And then last night when we had a huge argument he told me the reason why he hangs around her all the time because she listen to him and doesn't judge him, et and told me I should be more like her.

What the hell? I know i'm not perfect but I'm me! I shouldn't have to change to be like anyone. And I feel insulted and hurt because I have never said anything like that to him.

He now wants us to try to be friends so that we can bond better and have 'freedom' without each other telling theo ther what to do. HE said he was tired of arguing and all the attitude.

He said its an exercise he read about for married coupels? I'm so confused. I'm not interested in being buddy buddy. I want to be his wife. And at this point everything is so jumbled up in my head nothing makes sense.

I'm stressed, pregnant with our last child...and I cry all the time and am depressed. I don't know anything about this. I'm almost 23...I really didn't want ot find myself here. I just need advice. nothing makes sense.


----------



## GutPunch (Nov 2, 2012)

Is he an alcoholic?


----------



## mizzbrowneyes (May 17, 2013)

No, not at all. He was just sitting up with his sister having a good time pretty much or if one of her friends would come over he would hang out with them. He is a former addict. He's been clean for almost two years now.


----------



## HappyKaty (Nov 20, 2012)

Are y'all living with his sister?


----------



## All of a sudden (Jan 24, 2013)

An addict is an addict, they can change there poison.

You are very young, how old is he? Being pregnant you really don't need those sress hormones in yoour body, you need a peaceful mind, body and soul. Im very sorry your going through this.

Moving with his family was probably not a good idea, but maybe you had to.

What was the situation before you left and how long have you been together? It must be hard with your three children, pregnant, and his emotional messing with your head.

You can try and stick it out or find some womens shelter to take you and your children to for awhile. I know leaving seems impossible and you want to work it out but something is wrong thats going on. You need peace for your baby and yourself.

Good luck, Im sure others will give better advice but It seems like you need a break so you can feel better.


----------



## mizzbrowneyes (May 17, 2013)

All of a sudden said:


> An addict is an addict, they can change there poison.
> 
> You are very young, how old is he? Being pregnant you really don't need those sress hormones in yoour body, you need a peaceful mind, body and soul. Im very sorry your going through this.
> 
> ...


To HelloKitty, yes we are living with his sister.

I am starting to think that moving in with his sister and her family was not a good idea. Because her and her husband are getting a divorce as well and now all of sudden we are...or we aren't? I don't know. I'm just tired of the games and being strung around. I'm getting older, not younger and as I get older my tolerance for crazy **** is just getting extremely low. We've been together almost five years, six on our anniversary at the end of the year. he's 27.

I do find something to be wrong. I feel like now that his sister and her husband are getting a divorce he was looking for an excuse to get out of our marriage. I know we argue, but honestly I can now say that we were doing better then our first two years of marriage. I thought we were doing great. Clearly he does not think so.

I have considered going to a shelter but that's where we were before we moved up north with his sister and that's only because the program directors started kicking people out for little things so we left before we didn't have a place to go.

I hate being stressed out over this because of the baby. But I feel like now maybe its not worth fighting for anymore because I have spent a lot of time having his back even when he was wrong, supporting him and getting us through tough situations. He says I'm a good wife and mom. But apparently not good enough that you compare me to your sister and don't want to be with me. I'm just ready to leave this house. I'm working on getting me a job.

I got him a job two weeks after moving here and he says he's not going to abandon me and the kids t fend for ourselves because he wold feel bad and feels like he still owes me everything that I wanted.

But it seems kind of a dead dream now that it looks like it'll just be me and my kids in ah ome without him. I am thinking aout seeing a counselor for this to help me get past this.


----------



## Peeps678 (May 21, 2013)

Have you guys tried couples counseling?


----------



## mizzbrowneyes (May 17, 2013)

Peeps678 said:


> Have you guys tried couples counseling?


No, and he's not even willing to. I tried so hard to fix it and my heart is broken. He just tried talking to me and asked me if I hated him and I told him no, but he' my least favorite person at the moment. He keeps telling me to smile and keeps saying I seem to be taking it well. I've just numbed myself so that I don't cry. But anytime I fall asleep I have bad dreams about the whole thing and my spirit just feels so uneasy.

I just want to get to November so I can have my baby, file taxes next year, and get out of this house. If I can find a job I will leave sooner.

I'm just so heartbroken because I loved him so much and I had my heart set on growing old together and on us finally starting our lives in our place (again!) and being happy with our kids.

I don't ever want to marry again, much less be in a relationship. I just want my focus to be my kids and myself. 

I haven't smiled too much all day except for my other SlL trying to cheer me up and one my best gfs trying to make me smile. And I appreciate them so much.

Just waiting for the day I wake up happy....

Right now, I am trying to get an uncontested divorce. Just want my name back....


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

This 'sister'...is this his blood 'sister'? Sister through the same parents? Stepsister? Foster 'sister'? I'm wondering the 'nature' of this relationship with his 'sister'... hey...it happens...


----------



## mizzbrowneyes (May 17, 2013)

Stella Moon said:


> This 'sister'...is this his blood 'sister'? Sister through the same parents? Stepsister? Foster 'sister'? I'm wondering the 'nature' of this relationship with his 'sister'... hey...it happens...


Yeah...unfortunately. She's his blood sister...well half sister-they share the same dad. 

I just feel insulted that I was told I need to be like her...because she is not the best role model lol so I'm thinking "Why the **** would I want to be like her? I've had better role models to look up to and admire!" I would never compare him to someone else or say "well they do this so you should be more like that". That makes someone feel like ****, like who they are isn't good enough.

And then he tells me last night you are a good mom and a good mom don't ever think otherwise. Well how can I not when you are insulting who I am or if I don't do one thing right with our kids-you say something about it? 

He's been really critical lately-and I'm trying to make him realize that I've never done that to him. I've wanted him to do better for himself and was hard on him because he kept making stupid mistakes, but I was always there for support and to remind him that he was a good perso nand that he could succeed.

And I just can't get with this "Let's be friends to see if we can fall back in love again" thing because he stopped spending time with me as a wife and doesn't spend any time with me as as 'friend'. Last time I check, friends talk, confide in each other, and spend time together.

So I'm not really down with the program. He always does this every time he gets around someone new-wants to stay up their ass and let's what's going on in their life effect ours. ANd he stay up his sister's ass. It's annoying. 

But he wants ot throw up all the times I left the house to go take a breather for thirty mins to a gfs house so we could both calm down from an argument. 

I'm just so beyond hurt...I feel all numb inside I can't even feel my own heart.


----------

