# Struggling



## Kat22 (Jul 10, 2021)

My husband of 22 years just dumped on me one morning after I found d a picture and a text saying good morning from an women, that he had not loved me for years and wanted a divorce. Said he wanted to tell me for awhile but did not want to hurt me. They had only been seeing each other for a week but now are together and it has been 4 weeks. I have made him leave he is filing next week we are splitting time with the kids, but my anxiety is constant. Thinking about him about her. His family is really all I have had since I was 16. Why would I still want him back? This is so much!


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## BlueWoman (Jan 8, 2015)

Well you are in the right place. You still want him back because you haven’t accepted that he is not the man you thought he was. It’s pretty normal to feel the way you do. Read around and you will find a whole lot of people who have been through what’s you are going through. It’s really hard. It may be one of the hardest things you ever face, but it does get better and easier. 

I am glad you made him leave. Make sure to get a lawyer to protect your interests. They are not clouded by love or hate, so they will make sure to get what’s fair. Go to counseling to help you process your emotions, and if you need go to your Dr. for medication to help with the anxiety.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

He has rewritten the history of your marriage to justify his decision to cheat. 
Don’t hide this, tell anyone who asks the real reason for your marriage breakdown.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

He was looking for a “reason” (other woman) to leave and he found it. That’s a very new relationship to jump so quickly into and it could be short-lived, meaning he might come back and then you’ll have to decide if you want to rebuild if that happens. I know it’s difficult but your focus needs to be not on what he does but rather on how to build a life without him. I made lists when I was going through divorce of all the things I had to do and wanted to do and hoped to do. It helped keep my anxiety down to see what the next step in the process was. You can get through this.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

You only want him back because your lonely, worried, and feeling vulnerable. As soon as that starts easing up your just going to want to kick him in the nuts.


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## Kat22 (Jul 10, 2021)

Thank you all. I have been doing counseling for years. I have started codependency meetings. He has alchohol problems and has had issues with porn and what not. He has been pulling away for awhile but could have never of fathomed this.


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## johndoe12299 (Jul 12, 2021)

Extremely sorry to hear Kat. Around 35 days ago my wife left me, and our 2 & 5 year old kids because she needs her "freedom" and "isn't cut out for traditional marriage roles."

All that to say that you are not alone in this journey. I just discovered this place and it seems great to vent, at the least. THere seems to be lots here that go through shockingly similar situations.

It ****ing sucks. I haven't eaten at all, anxiety every morning and night. I'm with you. Stay strong, serve him the papers and focus on your own well being. Good luck


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

judging by what you say about him , he is like a friend I had , he went away with his wife for a brake at the sea and had to come home for a meeting about his insurance , 
so his wife stayed at the beach he drove her car home went to his meeting and picked up with a homeless woman that played him excepted everything and helped him to drink , two years later he was dead 

sometimes people don't have the courage to do the right thing , 
it will be a while before you can look back on this relationship and see it as it was , 
then you might end up asking why did you not go sooner , 

sorry Kat22 hope you find the strength


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## Coloratura (Sep 28, 2021)

Going through this now. Learned recently that my husband of 27 yrs has had an affair for 8 years, It is so difficult. Know that people here can empathize and are here for you! Take one step at a time, and there is no timeline except your own.


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