# Husband wants a divorce over tattoo



## bluegirl2012

My husband of 14 years put a note in my stocking that I could get another tattoo. I had not put a lot of thought into that, only mentioned it briefly and he decided to do this. So on a date night he takes me to the tattoo shop and sets up an appointment for me to have something added to a tattoo that I already have. I am slightly uncomfortable with this because he is unable to go with me to the appointment because he was going to be out of town but he assures me that it will be ok. I only wanted him to go to get his input. So fast forward to yesterday, I got the tattoo. It is larger than what he wanted me to get so after I texted him a photo (he is out of town), he refuses to take my calls and only sent me a text that he is "done with me." I have texted and called multiple times asking him to please wait until he sees it in person before he gets angry. What is so difficult for me is that if only I would have went when he was available, he could have told me that he didn't like it before I got it. So here I am, stuck with a tattoo that I am not really that vested in and possibly losing my husband. Awesome Christmas gift! I do not know what to do or how I can possibly get him to talk to me or give me a chance. Please help?


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## bluegirl2012

I am late thirties and he is older than I am. We also have adolescent children. I would have never thought that he would react this way. We have had some problems throughout the years and his answer has always been to want to leave but we have never actually separated. Normally he cools off but this time seems more serious since he will not even discuss it with me.


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## ScaredandUnsure

Wow...just wow.
Do you think he was looking for an excuse to leave you? How extremely childish.


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## Jellybeans

So anytime you have a problem he wants to leave? Oh boy.

He sounds too immature to be married.


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## bluegirl2012

I am starting to wonder if it is just an excuse. It just does not make any sense to me right now.


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## Jellybeans

Has he always been this way? Please elaborate on the other times "problems" you've had where he's threatened to leave. How long has he been doing this for?

Is he hot and cold? Is he insecure? Controlling? Does he have a temper? Are you happy in your marriage? Is he like this with you or other people? Does he have good relationships with friends, his parents, siblings?


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## Runs like Dog

You married the village idiot.


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## bluegirl2012

He has always been this way. I think that it is due to insecurity issues personally but I am not a psych md. He has never been physically abusive. I am very happy in my marriage for the most part and consider him to be my best friend. It almost seems like sometimes he buys me things or lets me do things to make me happy but then later he gets mad about it. I have never been able to figure that one out. He has been a great husband and father. In recent years he has broken away from his family because they were not treating me or my children very well so I respect his decision. Overall, people really like him and he gets along well with others. I think it is just an issue with me...


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## KittyKat

If you were EC (emotionally cheating) or PC (physically cheating) I can see him wanting to leave.

If he's threatened to leave because of money, how the children are raised, how much sex you are or not having, etc. then yes, he does sound immature.

He gave you a gift of a tattoo. He set up the appt. for you. He CHOSE not to be with you when you got it. Tell him to kiss your arse and grow up. If he actually leaves? He wanted to leave and is using this as the excuse to leave. Let him go. Live the 180.


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## bluegirl2012

Thank you for your post! I think a huge part of the issue is that the tattoo came out larger than he expected. For that matter, it is larger than I expected it to look. He had told me that he did not think I should get it too big. I trust the artist who did it and he only did it larger because that is how it would look the best. He did not want me to walk out of there with something that would look silly. I think that my husband feels like I went against his feelings about it intentionally but that is not the way it was at all. I do not just make a habit of doing random rebellious things.


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## Jellybeans

Ok even if it WERE too big, that is no justification for him blanking you. 

Call him out on his bad behavior.

_
I think that my husband feels like I went against his feelings about it intentionally but that is not the way it was at all._

Again, that is stupid. You did not go against his feelings--he expressed he wanted you to get a tat, even made the appointment and now he's acting like an a$$hole.


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## CantePe

That is emotional and psychological abuse.

Compare this:

You tell a child they can have a cookie but have to go to the bathroom so tell that child to go ahead and take the cookie on the counter but when you come back and see the cookie on the counter gone you start screaming and swearing at the child for taking the whole cookie instead of half of it like you wanted the child to do in the first place.

You see how stupid that sounds? It's the same thing for the tattoo.


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## that_girl

He's a moron. 

I'd divorce him just for the fact that he plays these games.

"Here, get a tattoo!"

"Oh! I hate it! I'm leaving!"

Wow. Crazy much?


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## that_girl

bluegirl2012 said:


> Thank you for your post! I think a huge part of the issue is that the tattoo came out larger than he expected. For that matter, it is larger than I expected it to look. He had told me that he did not think I should get it too big. I trust the artist who did it and he only did it larger because that is how it would look the best. He did not want me to walk out of there with something that would look silly. I think that my husband feels like I went against his feelings about it intentionally but that is not the way it was at all. I do not just make a habit of doing random rebellious things.


Who gives a flying eff what HE thinks. It's YOUR body.


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## Jellybeans

LOL, TG.

Blue--I asked you all the questions about because that hot and cold behavior is stuff my exH used to do. He would completely withdraw if he didn't like anything--from things he asked me to do, to not ask me to do. It's "crazy-making."


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## bluegirl2012

He doesn't always just shut down but he knows how to make me feel like things are my fault. I think that he holds divorce over my head too much and he does not deal with stress very well. I can sometimes gauge our arguements on days that were stressful for him at work. He just has this impression of me that I am rebellious and not a nice person even after all of these years. I admit when we got together I was spoiled and self centered but I left that immaturity behind a long time ago. He knows that shutting me out like this hurts me more than anything else.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## that_girl

Call his bluff and have him served with papers. 

He's a turd. Sorry, but he is. Marriage shouldn't feel like what you are living.


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## Jellybeans

Ok, so if he knows it hurts you more than anything else (especially when you have done NOTHING wrong), then that tells you all you need to know: he does it on purpose to hurt your feelings. Ugh. I don't envy you. That part about you "gauging" when the next fight will come and him "knowing how to make it feel" like it's all your fault is very telling. Him "holding divorce" over your head is stupid. My exH did the SAME thing all the time. It gets really really old. 

You need to talk to him. STAT.


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## Hope1964

Am I the only one wondering what the heck this tattoo is of?


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## susangpyp1

He sounds like an idiot and there's no excuse for it. It sounds like he baits your or sets traps for you. It's a very passive aggressive, bordering on abusive, behavior. I don't understand how he can even justify this stupid behavior for any reason. 

I'd keep the tattoo and lose the idiot. Anyone who would threaten to leave someone or say "I'm done with you" over the size of a tattoo has no idea what marriage is or how to treat someone. 

If he feels you "went against his feelings" over something like a tattoo, then he is a baby and needs to go sit in the corner.

This is NOT your issue. It is his. I would call his bluff and say, "Fine. Whatever. Goodbye." I bet this behavior would stop quickly.


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## wetsleeves

KittyKat said:


> He gave you a gift of a tattoo. He set up the appt. for you. He CHOSE not to be with you when you got it. Tell him to kiss your arse and grow up. If he actually leaves? He wanted to leave and is using this as the excuse to leave. Let him go. Live the 180.


:iagree:


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## EleGirl

Hope1964 said:


> Am I the only one wondering what the heck this tattoo is of?


Nope, I'm wondering too. OP should post a picture of the tattoo.


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## wetsleeves

susangpyp1 said:


> He sounds like an idiot and there's no excuse for it. It sounds like he baits your or sets traps for you. It's a very passive aggressive, bordering on abusive, behavior. I don't understand how he can even justify this stupid behavior for any reason.
> 
> I'd keep the tattoo and lose the idiot. Anyone who would threaten to leave someone or say "I'm done with you" over the size of a tattoo has no idea what marriage is or how to treat someone.
> 
> If he feels you "went against his feelings" over something like a tattoo, then he is a baby and needs to go sit in the corner.
> 
> This is NOT your issue. It is his. I would call his bluff and say, "Fine. Whatever. Goodbye." I bet this behavior would stop quickly.



I couldnt have said any better


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## joe kidd

Seems quite silly. It was a gift. It's not like you went behind his back and came home with a swastika on your forehead.......right?


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## Lydia

Wow, passive aggressive much??

I'd tell him "No, I'M leaving YOU! come get your crap and get out!"

You don't deserve to go through a marriage of mind games and passive aggressive bull crap.


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## golfergirl

He's setting you up.

He uses these attacks against you as a stress reliever and sets up or has set up the situation to have an excuse to go after you for stress relief.

Or if this is a one-time thing, he's trying to leave.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bluegirl2012

My tattoo is very tasteful. I had a small tattoo on my chest and all they did this time was to add vines and additional roses going up to my shoulder. Would only really show wearing something strapless.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Stonewall

Runs like Dog said:


> You married the village idiot.



:iagree:


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## Jellybeans

Blue--is he talking to you now or still ignoring you?

Sounds like you married my ex husband.


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## Hope1964

bluegirl2012 said:


> My tattoo is very tasteful. I had a small tattoo on my chest and all they did this time was to add vines and additional roses going up to my shoulder. Would only really show wearing something strapless.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


OK then, if that's the case, the guy is whacked. As in needs serious help.


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## Rob774

Sounds bipolar.
Its like me telling my wife to to get breast implants. She gets a "DD" instead of a C... and me flipping out.


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## sisters359

He sounds emotionally abusive if this is a regular pattern. So the real question is: why do YOU put up with it? What would happen if you looked at him and laughed b/c his behavior IS so childish? Really, I've done that with other adults--I don't let anyone "make me feel bad." BTDT and learned not to. 

You know his behavior is just wrong, so why have you "owned" it or tolerated it? If he escalates b/c you won't play it his way, then you may have to leave. But if you let him know that you have realized you have indulged this very bad habit of his, and you aren't going to anymore, and the next time he pulls it he had better expect to sleep elsewhere AND he will then need to join you at marriage counseling before you will let him come home--well, maybe he'll realize what an ass he has been. sometimes we let people treat us poorly and it becomes this bad pattern that can be fixed. Sometimes they have unhealthy mental and emotional issues and will not be willing to grow and improve. Figure out which situation this is b/4 you initiate divorce (b/c 2 kids are involved). Good luck.


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## RHIANNON 1836

You two share your bodies, and you never know how you'll react until you're in a given situation. That's how this is for him. Sounds like you both made a permanent mistake you'll regret - him by giving permission when he wasn't prepared for the consequences, and you for doing something permanent before you were truly on board. Welcome to life! The only thing now is to move on, both of you, and decide how to proceed, hopefully you can discuss it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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