# lying husband but too good to leave??



## laila (Mar 1, 2012)

been with husband for 4 years .. only started lying about stupid stuff & talking to girls (i knew** all his passwords to everything) thats how i found him out.. 
first got angry, didnt work
second tried talking to him telling how i feel, why he lies etc.. he was honest bout everything but it only worked for about a month & went back to lying again..
third told him to leave me alone for a few days till hes ready to tell me the truth... worked for about 2 months, started lying again & also changed passwords.
we fought for about 2weeks straight .. it suked .. i am now due with 1st child frm him.. lying is the only problem everything else is SOOOOOOO GOOD .. i mean that! 
Dilemma: i know he will keep lying no matter wat, it seems easier to ACT oblivious all the while knowing hes lying, and reap the pleasures of a almost great marriage??
or do i leave & loose everything, including my unborn childs happy 2 parents thing


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## Gratitude (Feb 12, 2012)

laila said:


> or do i leave & loose everything, including my unborn childs happy 2 parents thing


Your unborn childs happy 2 parents thing? What, you mean the thing about where parents are supposed to be happy for their child? Thing. Geez.

Forgive me for asking (as sometimes in this forum we have people who post who aren't real) how old are you? How old is your husband? What is it that you would like to know?


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## In_The_Wind (Feb 17, 2012)

Hi Laila Sorry you here I feel you do not have to accept unacceptable behavior and would highly suggest establishing healthy boundaries, the lying will eventually lead to other things that will destroy your marriage and newly formed family. I would suggest going to MC if you need some help in this area. Remember you dont have have to put up with this stuff Myself i would draw a line in sand so to speak I feel he is taking advantage of you and you are willing to accept this, this will only lead to heartbreak in my opinion.

Good Luck


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## laila (Mar 1, 2012)

we are happy together.. happy to have child together and everything else is great
as i said lying is only problem
not fake .. I am 20 husband 25
if i should jst keep being knowingly oblivious with his lies because they r about talking to girls??..


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## laila (Mar 1, 2012)

i have set really easy to follow boundaries .. like no phone numbers, pictures, all the normal stuff n stop lying.
everybodys entitled to hav friends including the oppistie sex but its wen he takes it too far...


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## jnyu44 (Feb 13, 2012)

as a past liar, I can tell you it takes a LOT to stop. It's not as easy as turning the switch on and off. If you act oblivious, that just makes it really easy for him to cheat. 

I don't know your husband so I don't want to say with certainty that he will cheat, but it seems very likely if you just act oblivious. It might seem that everything else is ok, but I doubt there's nothing further from the truth than that. Lying is a deal breaker for a very good reason - it makes you feel terrible, it kills intimacy, trust, security...and when you take those things out of a relationship, you don't have a very good one at all.

While divorce has a terrible stigma, sometimes I find it a blessing that in our day and age it's somewhat accepted. Why? Because sometimes people make mistakes and end up in a terrible situation that most likely can't be fixed. Of course, divorce shouldn't be used so liberally as well.


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## DvlsAdvc8 (Feb 15, 2012)

If the guy is talking to girls and lying... he's right around the corner from cheating when the opportunity presents itself. Its destined if his course remains unchanged.

Its exactly how I started, though I had other marital issues leading up to it, but you only get more bold if unchecked.


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## laila (Mar 1, 2012)

thats the thing... i really believe that he wouldnt physically cheat... he's a good looking guy and hes had plenty of times where girls have literally thrown themselves at him but he flat out refuses and also told me about those times... 

(seeming like everything is okay) i hate doing it ..
i did tho & 2days ago he actually told me about this girl he was msging and it was REALLY just a friend talk... made me happy !!
i had a little talk with him about it n said im fine with him having friends just dnt cross those boundaries,, and exactly wat is this girls expectations of you..
it made him think.. 
also he let me into his fb to do a page 4 his work.. big change frm a few weeks ago
i just have to see now how long it will last for i have good but not high hopes


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## laila (Mar 1, 2012)

thanks for letting me know that if i do just let it go and be oblivious he will just continue and get *bolder as you put it and the relationship will just loose trust and everything else comes along with it..
do you think if i keep letting him know (not everyday, but when he does stupid things) that it hurts me, what if i was doing it to him and its not nice ,, he will stop talking in sexual ways and lying??


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## jnyu44 (Feb 13, 2012)

Hopefully more married men chime in here so you can get a more diverse set of perspectives. Again, for me (someone who was too girl crazy but at the same time wanted to be successful, getting cut off from any sort of social contact from women forced me to stop looking at women as objects of desire. 

Does your husband just love the attention or something? If he is good looking and he feels the need to be in constant contact with lady friends, maybe you should explore that idea by observing him more.

It's great that you want to be open minded and allow your husband to have friendships with other women, but if he is anything like me, he'll just take advantage of that. You can be loving and understanding WHILE protecting yourself. Don't wait for the line to be crossed and then pick up the pieces afterwards. At the same time, don't become so neurotic that every small thing is interpreted as an offense. You need to look after yourself too, not just try to be understanding of every single one of his needs. My last girlfriend is very much like you in the sense that she tried to be understanding about my "needs." I ended up walking all over her and broke it off. If I could turn back time, I definitely would have just enjoyed the freedom but at the same time restrained myself where needed. However, I want to stress again that that's me and that your husband may very well react much differently.

It's all about striking a balance and being smart about your relationship. Of course, that's never easy as evidenced by the abundant membership to this forum =)


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## COguy (Dec 1, 2011)

How can everything be sooo good if he's lying to you so he can sneak around and talk to girls?

That's like saying, "I love my car, it is the perfect car, except the engine doesn't run."

So you like his junk and he's a funny guy and he's handsome, etc etc. But if he treats you like sh*t, he's still a bad husband.


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## itgetsbetter (Mar 1, 2012)

If everything is good except that he's a liar...nothing else can be TRULY good because how do you know? How do you know what is a lie and what isn't? I can identify with you. I married a man in my early 20s. Our ownly problem was that I would occassionally find him secretly talking to other women online. I never told anybody because I didn't want to make people dislike him. Other than that, we had SO many great things about our relationship (except most of it wasn't true to him...just me...just another lie to him) It didn't stop though. It just got worse. Eventually we divorced after he eventually started to physically cheat on me...he found his partners online and at his sex addicts meetings. Obviously things got very bad. I don't know if we'd have gotten married if I hadn't gotten pregnant so quickly. Like I said, I identify with you. 

My advice isn't about him. I advise you to look at this man. Do you want to have him by your side til the day you die...knowing that it's entirely plausible that he's talking to - or sleeping with - other women the whole time?


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## MOMMY2ONE (Mar 6, 2012)

If he lies he cheats... My husband is a pathalogical liar I thought he would not cheat and he did and got caught and he still lies and tells me that it's all in my head aint that a [email protected] , we are now separated it's been 2 weeks goin for the divorce very soon. Good luck
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ontheup (Mar 4, 2012)

mine lied on and off for just over two years and then eventually left, during those 2 years he was having a E?A which statred out as just someone to let off steam to, when i found out i was ok, he has no friends here to talk to, someone from his past so i was ok about it, told him what hurt was they secrecy of it if it was innoncent. Then his behaviour changed about 6 months later, became very secretive and never left his phone alone where i could access it, but one day he left it in the bathroom and i went through it, well all hell broke out then, sexual mesasages and how much he loved this O/W. had confrontation, he said wantewd to be here with me, he sorry etc, my gut told me to kick him out but i loved him so i let him stay with boundaries, he texted her in frontof me to say it over, he destroyed the sim card for the phone, every thing seemed to be ok for a while but then the behaviours statred again but worse, mood swings etc, blaming me for his life, lashing out verbally at the kids , spending time out in the shed, fixing his car, so another confrontation but said nothing going on so i gave him an ultimatuim me or her, he choose to stay with me, that was in the April, I thought everything was great, he seemed happeir, he was nicer to us all, working hard on his car to get it road worthy, i felt that it was the happeist we had been for along time then out of the blue in June he lost the plot, threatening to kill me, smother me with the pillow etc, and he left July he moved in with his O/w. Although he has been gone now for 20 months he is still lying to me about things so he will never change. i am learning to move forawrds and divorce is in progress. There comes a ponit when it is no longer worth fighting for.


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## MOMMY2ONE (Mar 6, 2012)

ur right thats how I feel there's no point fighting for someone who cheats and lies with no respect for their families feelings they don't understand the hurt they cause.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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