# 10 weeks tonight



## hesnothappy (Mar 5, 2011)

I walked into the condo and it was all ina disarray....and the man and girl child that lived here were gone:scratchhead: the refrigerator and the mattress set fromour bedroom was gone as well as the kids furniture. I left and went to replace the stuff needed and then it began to sink in...I am once again alone I have been on a emotional merri-go-round. I have lost weight and started/ended therapy. I am now in a better place and although I still don't understand how this happened...I accept it. I am moving forward, and finding reasons to laugh and live life to the fullest:smthumbup: What I did, other than make him get married two years ago I have no idea, what could upset him so. I can now see that I will be much better off without him, or at the very least...just as good. Thank you God for blessing me richly.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Glad you have made it to this point.


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## yourbabygirl (May 28, 2011)

Hi hnh! I feel for you.. even on this early stages, I am suffering from the ghost of the flat, his empty drawers, the half-empty closet, hangers missing his polo shirts, empty shoe rack, and a refrigerator which is obviously too big for 1 person... 

it hurts so badly!! it's doesn't seem to be getting better. I feel so dead inside.

like u, i lost 3 kilos in 2 weeks.. shed a few more and I could probably be strutting my stuff on the catwalk. i still don't have my appetite back.


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## hesnothappy (Mar 5, 2011)

Vindication comes in many forms ;o) Have a wonderful day!


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## dante (Jun 2, 2011)

Funny how some of the little things get you down. babygirl's comment about the fridge just sent a jolt through my heart. The other thing that kills me is that the two warm and (sometimes) loving things that I have left - my cats - remind me of her all of the time. She has been gone so long that the skittish one won't even approach her anymore when she comes by. When my friend was going through his divorce, she said "how could his wife just abandon their dogs, I would never do that" and she has.


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## sadand (Apr 2, 2011)

I was bumming about the empty refrigerator and then I went to the market and said, forget this, I am going to take care of myself, buy good food and cook some meals for myself.


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## yourbabygirl (May 28, 2011)

One of the loneliest time is doing the groceries - 

I never used the trolley anymore, just 1 small basket, getting 1 litre of milk instead of the usual 2 litres, getting the smallest portion available for the meat, buying white bread instead of his favorite and much-healthier wholewheat, most of the time I am teary eyed by the time I reached the cashier. 

Why does it have to be so hard?


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## dante (Jun 2, 2011)

I can barely make it through her favorite drug store now. I have to go there for some stuff. I suppose I should switch, but I am in such a habit. I actually went in and saw a card that had a saying from our wedding on it and almost cried in the store. It better get easier.


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## brighterlight (Aug 13, 2009)

Dante, hang in there man! I am thinking about moving out of this area. Too many memories; we raised our kids here! Everywhere i turn, i see us. Can't deal with it too much longer. Your right, it has to get better. This isnt what I imagined it would be like when we became empty nesters. It was supposed to be our time to enjoy each other. Damn b****tch!!!! Aww, snap, oops sorry, that one got away from me! Geez, she's turning me into a bitter man.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## dante (Jun 2, 2011)

Thanks brighterlight. I wasn't married for as long as you, but I imagine that it must be excruciating at times. I am reminded of the Shawshank Redemption where Tim Robbins says "I was an honest man on the outside. It took going to jail to make me a criminal." It feels like that to me sometimes. I was not a great husband, I had my flaws, but it took the separation to make me feel like a failure. I know the bitterness will come later. I can't move myself, especially now, but that time may come for me.


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## yourbabygirl (May 28, 2011)

^ Ohhh, Shawshank Redemption - seen that film thrice with him..

Dante, that's what I'm feeling, sometimes I blame myself, I was bad wife, a nagging, sinister b*tch, like if only I had or hadn't this thing then he probably be still with me.


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## dante (Jun 2, 2011)

babygirl,

Hope that wasn't too painful. For me it is anything Star Trek. I found a woman who likes star trek and I screwed it up! How lame is that for me. I know the blaming yourself part, but my therapist says that marriage is a two-way street and we both had a hand in its demise. He says the one thing he doesn't want me to do is feel the guilt of the break up. Easy for him to say, tough for me to do.


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## hesnothappy (Mar 5, 2011)

It does get easier and better. I am in a much better state right now. When my husband left and took his daughter, I thought I would never recover. But God has a way of looking out for babies and fools ;o) He put people in my life that constantly kept life before me. He put others there to reveal the hidden secrets that help me to know that this separation is a good thing and it'sgoing to gt better. Even if by some unseen miracle, we end up back together I have seen what I need to see to make better decisions (and for the record I don't see anyway for us to get back together) I am ready to get on another beautifully decorated horse and ride this merri-go-round till the wheels fall off. Dante and Brighterlight your revelation is on it's way, just hold on and keep yor peace.


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## Riverside MFT (Oct 5, 2009)

People who go through a divorce experience many of the same emotions as those who lose a loved one to death. Truth is, you really are grieving the death of the relationship no matter how dysfunctional it was. Common feelings felt include guilt, bargaining, depression, anger, and resolution. Even once you are through the resolution phase, it does not mean you won't feel the other feelings again. You can hear a song on the radio, meet someone with the same name, or see an empty closet and all of those feelings can come back again. Be hopeful! With time the distance between these "emotional elapses" will increase. The duration of the relapses will also decrease. Hang in there!


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