# what would you want to know and when?



## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

I'm a woman struggling with the realization that I really do not love or want to be with my husband anymore. I am not attracted to him and frankly have had thoughts like this for many years. Our sex life dwindled as he continued to refuse to respond to my requests concerning my needs (sexual) and I was living in la-la land for the past decade or so with a crummy sex life and an otherwise "comfortable" relationship. We have been much more like good roommates--respectful of one another's needs for space and personal interests, not doing much in common other than raising our kids. 

Fast forward to recent weeks when, as I lose weight and work out more (the problems began long before I gained any weight, while I was still 'hot'), my husband decides it is time to "work on the issue." At the time of that conversation, I agreed to try. But very soon afterwards, I realized I don't want to. I'm not totally comfortable with that decision and will seek counseling for myself. 

As a man, what would you want to know? Should I tell my husband I'm having second thoughts about our discussion to work on things? Should I just tell him I need to get some counseling? Does he need to hear, right now, that I'm not at all attracted to him? He thinks my libido was just low although he knows I was never pleased with his unwillingness to improve his lovemaking technique. I don't want to say things that will make separating more painful than it needs if/when that happens, and I do not believe in "letting it all hang out," either, which I think is often an excuse for cruelty. 

Your input will be appreciated. TIA.


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