# Need help, please.



## GimmeStrength (Dec 3, 2011)

Okay, I'm currently going through a divorce (loooong story and both me and her have moved on only after about a month and a half) I've been seeing this girl that I met from work but we are just "hanging out" and both admit that we like each other immensely and want to further our relationship but there is a huge issue. She is actually 4 years younger then I am (I'm 23 and she's 19) and she's had about 3 past relationships that ended on the note of her getting a sick-to-her-stomach feeling and having to end the relationship.

Although we have been hanging out, we've kissed and she said she feels as if we are dating (which is understandable I guess) and she is getting that feeling of being scared but said stuff with me is SO different then with them because I am willing to sit down with her and talk with her about the feeling and I keep telling her that we can work through this if she wants and she reassures me that she doesn't want to lose me at all. She is signing up to speak with psychiatrist and get some professional point of view but I'm scared they may say that she just needs to wait till she finds a man she doesnt get the feeling with  I REALLY don't want to lose her and it's scaring me because I have no idea what to do. 

Any ideas would be deeply appreciated, I understand this is a forum for marriages but I figured it's the only place I know to turn too.


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## Manxkitti (Dec 5, 2011)

As a wonan, and being quite a bit older than her, I have the same issues when I get close to a man. I'm not a psychologist, and only speak from my own perspective. Be patient with her and be her friend first. It sounds like she really likes you, and take things as they come. With women who have things to work through, it's really important to hav that "one man" who is kind and patient. I wish you both luck.


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## GimmeStrength (Dec 3, 2011)

It's a little late to go back to the friend stage and we both see that but as things have progressed between us and I understand more about her "feeling" (as we call it) it is what I see as high anxiety because she tends to over ask herself "What If?" questions and then keeps thinking to herself that maybe she isn't happy with me since she got this feeling with me as well (she got this feeling with every boyfriend prior) and tells me that she finds nothing wrong with me and she likes everything about me and im the only man she can see herself wanting a family with and being with. 

I just don't know how to help her cope with this anxiety, she is going to speak with a therapist next week which should definitely help but she is terrified they aren't going to help her and she'll have to live the rest of her life like this  When she opens up to me about getting the feeling again, we talk for an hour or two and then afterwards she hugs me and tells me that im amazing and I always help calm her down and that she definitely wants this to work out and things seem good for a few days then it recycles and happens again and it is a tad bit wearing on me (but SO worth it to keep her in my life). 


Does anyone have any advice for how I can talk her down from the anxiety or any insight of to how a therapist would help her deal with this????


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