# I am old enough to know that same day cancellations normally means she got a better



## SMG15 (May 23, 2015)

offer for a outing.

I had a date set up for saturday evening and she sent a text saying she was sick and didn't feel good? What gave it away and confirmed it was BS was her wanting to schedule a day to see each other during the week after work.

So did she expect me to make myself available for another day so fast while she goes out with someone else?

BTW: Sick is the most popular excuse for breaking a date


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## Maneo (Dec 4, 2012)

so move on to the next woman who catches your eye.
or are you going to take this on up on the mid-week date?


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## SMG15 (May 23, 2015)

Maneo said:


> so move on to the next woman who catches your eye.
> or are you going to take this on up on the mid-week date?


Never responded to that bullsh*T text and have to intentions on seeing her again

She has been suspended from seeing me with intent to dismiss completely in 7 days

LOL


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Lighten up man. Sometimes people do get sick or just don't feel like going out. She is suspended from seeing you?? Ok maybe she has just had a lucky save.


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## SMG15 (May 23, 2015)

Holland said:


> Lighten up man. Sometimes people do get sick or just don't feel like going out. She is suspended from seeing you?? Ok maybe she has just had a lucky save.


All activities with her has been suspended until further notice



But seriously same day cancellations just look so obvious that someone else came along with a better offer. Maybe it wouldn't have look as bad if she did it the night before but not 4 hours before we decided to meet.

That's usually called scheduling more than one date on the same day which I never done


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Yeah 4 hours prior is a bit average. Dating sure does require a thick skin and a good sense of humor


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## goddess007 (Jul 12, 2015)

Shove her out of your life.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Yep, 4 hours is pretty poor form. Next!


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I disagree that 4 hours before is a red flag.

Sometimes, when I get sick, I'll start out the day thinking that if I just get started with the day I'll be ok. But as the day goes on, I realize that was a foolish idea.

The way I take her trying to set up another date a few days later is her letting you know that she really does want to go out with you.

I would say to give her one more chance.

But, since you reacted as you did, it's best that you move on.


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## synthetic (Jan 5, 2012)

Dating is such a dishonest, shallow and pathetic activity these days that it scares the bejesus out of me to think I'd have to engage in it if I were to ever become single.

Seriously. This is one of the reasons people become so codependent. They see what a nightmare dating has become and think they'll be alone forever.

Online dating has only made things even worse. Yeah let's all judge people based on what they enter on some software and how they approach others on some soulless form of communication like text/chat. 

As for your date canceling on the same day for being sick, well normally you'd call her tomorrow and wish her to get well soon, but since it's all mind-games these days, yeah, might as well suspend her altogether.

Sad really


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Depending on how long you've been dating, along w/ your overall level of interest, you might have tried something like this...

"Hmm, that's too bad. I was really looking forward to seeing you. Tell you what, though... I make a pretty mean homemade chicken noodle soup. How about I bring some by at around 8?"

Or just show up w/ some soup (as in the actual, homemade soup and not some canned crap) unannounced and see what happens.


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

Don't be so quick to judge. Maybe she really just didn't feel like going out. This morning I'm supposed to be having brunch with a bunch of girlfriends and I'm still deciding whether or not to cancel. I do not have a better offer, but I'm having a really bad period and just don't feel like leaving my house! (TMI) Sometimes it's not all about "you."


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

I hated dating. Never particularly wanted to go whenever I ended up accepting one (not that I didn't think the guy was nice, but it's just awkward and boring), until I met DH. After that, it wasn't that we went on dates, more like we just never left each other's sides, lol. That was after a period of being friends. Honestly, I don't know why people even bother. Seems like a complete waste of time. They date, date, date, then when they finally meet someone, it was through a friend or work anyway and they start out as friends. Even the successful story of meeting someone through online dating I read on here recently started out with the expectation of never seeing each other, and just being penpals, i.e. friends, then it grew from there. If it feels forced, it's doomed to fail imo.


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## Constable Odo (Feb 14, 2015)

Rule #1 in dating: Never jump through hoops for a piece of ass.


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## Hopeful Cynic (Apr 27, 2014)

Sometimes illness really does strike with an unexpected whammy out of nowhere. As for the four hours, maybe she was hoping she'd feel better but didn't want to wait till the very last minute to cancel on you. You're pretty quick to assume people are lying! She dodged a bullet with YOU as far as I'm concerned.

I wouldn't test such a thing with an unexpected soup delivery either. Someone interested in dating you really doesn't want your first sight of her to be of her in her old jammies hugging the toilet.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

frusdil said:


> Yep, 4 hours is pretty poor form. Next!


Yep.

And take a lesson from her. She isn't putting all eggs in one basket OP neither should you. Nothing counts till you meet for real. Lots of flakes and those looking for the BBD. Hey at least she didn't just pull a no show that's even worse.

Welcome to dating lol

Why not keep the date she purposed for during the week and find someone else to go out with the night she cancelled?


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## CantePe (Oct 5, 2011)

Last week I literally woke up sick with norovirus. I was fine the day before but wasn't when I woke up.

Norovirus is a quick, sudden gut virus and not a pretty one. Way to jump to conclusions on your part.

It can and does happen and it can happen to anyone. I think she's the one who dodged a bullet, I think you need to work on that resentment, anger and pain you seem to be projecting into your dating habits before considering dating at this point. Not everyone is out to lie to people or play mind games.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Maybe she was sick. Maybe she wasn't. You'll never know for sure but if you're convinced she had someone better lined up then just move on to the next person on your list.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

CantePe said:


> Last week I literally woke up sick with norovirus. I was fine the day before but wasn't when I woke up.
> 
> Norovirus is a quick, sudden gut virus and not a pretty one. *Way to jump to conclusions on your part.*
> 
> It can and does happen and it can happen to anyone. I think she's the one who dodged a bullet, I think you need to work on that resentment, anger and pain you seem to be projecting into your dating habits before considering dating at this point. Not everyone is out to lie to people or play mind games.





















:lol: :rofl: :lol: :rofl: :lol: :rofl: :lol: :rofl: :lol: :rofl:


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## coffee4me (Feb 6, 2013)

If this is the same girl from your other thread you are way too invested in someone you have never met.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

SMG15 said:


> All activities with her has been suspended until further notice
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Well, aren't you so prescient? Can read people's minds, and all.

I can think of a dozen reasons I'd break a date, none of which include seeing a DIFFERENT man instead.

And trying to quickly book another date with you could just be what it looks like - she really likes you and wants to make sure you don't get pissed off and instead give her another opportunity.

This sounds more like YOUR lack of self esteem and resultant belief that every woman is going to dump you for a 'better' man.


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

Shy Guy, 

I'm sure you've gained quite a bit of information about this girl's online behavior, from the members here. 

Have you thought about examining why you're allowing her or others to cause you anxiety?

Some of the answers will be found in your self-confidence...


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## Hardtohandle (Jan 10, 2013)

turnera said:


> Well, aren't you so prescient? Can read people's minds, and all.
> 
> I can think of a dozen reasons I'd break a date, none of which include seeing a DIFFERENT man instead.
> 
> ...





SecondTime'Round said:


> Don't be so quick to judge. Maybe she really just didn't feel like going out. This morning I'm supposed to be having brunch with a bunch of girlfriends and I'm still deciding whether or not to cancel. I do not have a better offer, but I'm having a really bad period and just don't feel like leaving my house! (TMI) Sometimes it's not all about "you."



First off just learned how to Multiquote.. So excited a bit..

But I had to quote these 2.. 

I've been in your shoes emotionally and in many ways I still am.. 



> this sounds more like YOUR lack of self esteem and resultant belief that every woman is going to dump you for a 'better' man


Sadly this is your issue and I openly admit it is mine as well.. 

We have been mind fvcked and its hard to break.. Realize what your issues are and try to fix them.. Again I know its hard.. But many good people here to point you in the right direction.. 

Turnera has been many times ( as others as well ) a reality check to me.. I utterly hate hearing it but it's the truth and I need to hear it..

But I wouldn't have gotten this far without them.. 

Losing your woman to another man sucks giant moose c0ck.. Part of me is glad now I lost her to such a loser because a smart man would have made her rake me over the coals.. But back then I was like you're leaving me for THIS ?... Holy crap love is really blind..

As my Therapist says.. Where is the proof ? You don't have it.. Set the date up during the week and show her that a saturday night date is what she wants..


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## SMG15 (May 23, 2015)

synthetic said:


> Dating is such a dishonest, shallow and pathetic activity these days that it scares the bejesus out of me to think I'd have to engage in it if I were to ever become single.
> 
> Seriously. This is one of the reasons people become so codependent. They see what a nightmare dating has become and think they'll be alone forever.
> 
> ...



Your first sentence is why I always hated dating. But it was a little easier for me when I was 22/23 because all I had to be was cute and easy to get along with

Now in my mid 30's I have this and that and be working at this place and which is annoying


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## SMG15 (May 23, 2015)

coffee4me said:


> If this is the same girl from your other thread you are way too invested in someone you have never met.


No this was a different girl. I been on dating hiatus since May and wanted to wait until July to go on another date. Only it has not worked out that way because of the two different excuses I got from two different girls

1. Her dog is about to die

2. She is sick


So I did just meet a new girl on OKC last night and will see how this goes


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## staarz21 (Feb 6, 2013)

She could have ended up with diarrhea for all you know. I would keep the date and ask her what happened. If you don't like her answer - then move on. What it is going to cost you? An hour?


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## SMG15 (May 23, 2015)

staarz21 said:


> She could have ended up with diarrhea for all you know. I would keep the date and ask her what happened. If you don't like her answer - then move on. What it is going to cost you? An hour?


I am not committing to another day at this time since it's a few other women who I have not met yet. So she drops to the bottom of the list now because she had her chance to meet me

So I have to let her know when I am able to see her again


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Constable Odo said:


> Rule #1 in dating: Never jump through hoops for a piece of ass.


Never jump through hoops for an ass
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

If I was dating..I also would put someone on the bottom of my list.. if they made any sort of excuses, and I felt "hanging, wondering"...

It's just so common today to blow others off.. come up with some lame excuse so they won't look bad.. I actually feel it would be foolish to believe these every time someone did it.. it's not a lack of self esteem at all.. I'm just a realist [email protected]#$

People who aren't that interested.. get cold feet and make up sorry lame text excuses to not go out...hoping the other will just forget about them...

I know for myself..if I was really sick , with every intention of wanting to meet someon....I would explain in "convincing" detail how sorry I was.. might even ask if he wanted to get sick with me .... and right there/ then try to reschedule so he KNEW I was authentic in my words.... this wasn't a blow off....

As I understand when people are new to each other.. it's common to play games of this sort.. I wouldn't want him to think I was that type of woman.


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## SMG15 (May 23, 2015)

SimplyAmorous said:


> If I was dating..I also would put someone on the bottom of my list.. if they made any sort of excuses.. it's just so common today to blow others off.. come up with some lame excuse so they won't look bad.. I actually feel it would be foolish to believe these every time someone did it.. it's not a lack of self esteem at all.. I'm just a realist [email protected]#$
> 
> People who aren't that interested.. get cold feet and make up sorry lame text excuses to not go out...hoping the other will just forget about them...
> 
> I know for myself..if I was really sick , with every intention of wanting to him him....I would explain in "convincing" detail how sorry I was.. might even ask if he wanted to get sick with me .... and right there/ then try to reschedule so he KNEW I was authentic in my words.... this wasn't a blow off....as I understand that when people are new to each other.. it's common to play games of this sort.. I wouldn't want him to think I was that type of woman.



I had another girl tell me this morning her dog was dying and she don't want to meet until he dies

LOL LOL


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Ok, then, let's see here.

The common denominator in all these women coming up with excuses is...you. Maybe you should ask someone close to you to give it to you straight.


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## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

*I am old enough to know that same day cancellations normally means she got a ...*



SMG15 said:


> I am not committing to another day at this time since it's a few other women who I have not met yet. So she drops to the bottom of the list now because she had her chance to meet me
> 
> 
> 
> So I have to let her know when I am able to see her again



Relax, these are just dates, not a commitment. I'm not suggesting anything about you, but let's face it going on a date with someone "you" (general term and not you specifically) never met in person can be scary. These women very well may have given you a story (too bad if they weren't honest), but you may also just need to relax. 

Personally, I would have difficulty using an online dating service for anything beyond a couple of conversations. I prefer irl dates and even back then (past me, when I was single) I had always preferred casual outings, hiking, coffee, etc. I like to hear that persons story face to face, laugh, etc. casual relaxed. Anything more formal or to the commitment level took time for me. 

I'm not a ladies man by any means, but I am old enough to know people well enough that you need to make them feel relaxed around you. So relax with your online conversations as well as when you do meet up. 

I really hope the best for you.


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## SMG15 (May 23, 2015)

turnera said:


> Ok, then, let's see here.
> 
> The common denominator in all these women coming up with excuses is...you. Maybe you should ask someone close to you to give it to you straight.


It's a lot of competition

Plus how do I know when I send someone a message online that they are not already dating someone? I could be sending a message to someone who went on a 3rd date with a guy last week


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## SMG15 (May 23, 2015)

*Re: I am old enough to know that same day cancellations normally means she got a ...*



Ikaika said:


> Relax, these are just dates, not a commitment. I'm not suggesting anything about you, but let's face it going on a date with someone "you" (general term and not you specifically) never met in person can be scary. These women very well may have given you a story (too bad if they weren't honest), but you may also just need to relax.
> 
> Personally, I would have difficulty using an online dating service for anything beyond a couple of conversations. I prefer irl dates and even back then (past me, when I was single) I had always preferred casual outings, hiking, coffee, etc. I like to hear that persons story face to face, laugh, etc. casual relaxed. Anything more formal or to the commitment level took time for me.
> 
> ...



I like to have 2 phone conversations before meeting face to face


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## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

*I am old enough to know that same day cancellations normally means she got a ...*



SMG15 said:


> I like to have 2 phone conversations before meeting face to face



Sounds reasonable. I'm not a fly on the wall and not trying to imply anything, and I know it can be nerve wracking, but do what you need to do to relax. Also, don't worry about the competition. If she is willing to talk to you, that is all you need to worry about.


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## SMG15 (May 23, 2015)

*Re: I am old enough to know that same day cancellations normally means she got a ...*



Ikaika said:


> Sounds reasonable. I'm not a fly on the wall and not trying to imply anything, and I know it can be nerve wracking, but do what you need to do to relax. Also, don't worry about the competition. If she is willing to talk to you, that is all you need to worry about.


Someone on here tried to say it was ME that was the reason that the women cancelled the dates

I was pointing out a woman can get so many messages and offers that it's a good chance u can be cancelled on


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

SMG15 said:


> It's a lot of competition
> 
> Plus how do I know when I send someone a message online that they are not already dating someone? I could be sending a message to someone who went on a 3rd date with a guy last week


What does that have to do with whether you're turning these women off?


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

*Re: I am old enough to know that same day cancellations normally means she got a ...*



SMG15 said:


> Someone on here tried to say it was ME that was the reason that the women cancelled the dates
> 
> I was pointing out a woman can get so many messages and offers that it's a good chance u can be cancelled on


What I said was that you were the common denominator to several women cancelling on you at the last minute. And that it would behoove you to look at your situation objectively, if you don't want it to keep happening. 

Sure, it could just be that you are picking flighty selfish women. Or it could be you're giving off a bad vibe. So wouldn't you want to know that, so you don't waste more time going in the wrong direction?


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## SMG15 (May 23, 2015)

turnera said:


> What does that have to do with whether you're turning these women off?


What are you talking about turning someone off? The date was set for saturday evening and then cancelled

And I said it's because she probably got a better offer nothing to do with me


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## SMG15 (May 23, 2015)

*Re: I am old enough to know that same day cancellations normally means she got a ...*



turnera said:


> What I said was that you were the common denominator to several women cancelling on you at the last minute. And that it would behoove you to look at your situation objectively, if you don't want it to keep happening.
> 
> Sure, it could just be that you are picking flighty selfish women. Or it could be you're giving off a bad vibe. So wouldn't you want to know that, so you don't waste more time going in the wrong direction?


How the hell am I giving off a bad vibe and the date was set for last night?

Don't talk stupid


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## Constable Odo (Feb 14, 2015)

SMG15 said:


> I had another girl tell me this morning her dog was dying and she don't want to meet until he dies


You could offer to loan her a .22LR.


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## staarz21 (Feb 6, 2013)

*Re: I am old enough to know that same day cancellations normally means she got a ...*



SMG15 said:


> How the hell am I giving off a bad vibe and the date was set for last night?
> 
> *Don't talk stupid*


I'm going to take a WILD guess here and say that you seem to be a little aggressive. All Tunera was saying is that you simply make sure you're evaluating yourself correctly. EVERYONE should do this when dating.


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## SMG15 (May 23, 2015)

*Re: I am old enough to know that same day cancellations normally means she got a ...*



staarz21 said:


> I'm going to take a WILD guess here and say that you seem to be a little aggressive. All Tunera was saying is that you simply make sure you're evaluating yourself correctly. EVERYONE should do this when dating.



Tunera was talking stupid because If I was giving off a bad vibe no date would have been scheduled or the request for a reschedule


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

*Re: I am old enough to know that same day cancellations normally means she got a ...*



> *SMG15 said*:* I like to have 2 phone conversations before meeting face to face*





turnera said:


> *Sure, it could just be that you are picking flighty selfish women. Or it could be you're giving off a bad vibe. So wouldn't you want to know that, so you don't waste more time going in the wrong direction?*





> *SMG15 said*: *How the hell am I giving off a bad vibe and the date was set for last night?*
> 
> Don't talk stupid


 Here is what I would like to know.. Are these dates planned *BEFORE* the 2 phone conversations.. or *AFTER *the 2 phone conversations*?* 

What is generally talked about on the phone? ...are the conversations long enough as to get to know each other -to bring some comfort to the woman -as others are pointing out ?

You may be speaking something that is on her deal breaker list, who knows.. . do you ask what she likes to do.. or do you direct the conversation all to your own choosing.. is there enough "open ended" questions for some healthy give & take...playing off of each other or is it on the awkward side.. a little too much silence?

It seems very likely you *are* giving off a Bad vibe if this is often a problem for you.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

To be fair, you have no idea how she was feeling about you other than saying yes to a date in the first place. You just automatically assumed SHE was doing something wrong or being mean or selfish or self-centered. Listen or not, it's your life, and you're the one being dumped. I'm just asking you to be open to all possibilities, including that there might be something YOU could be doing differently, so as to get better results.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

*Re: I am old enough to know that same day cancellations normally means she got a ...*



SimplyAmorous said:


> You may be speaking something that is on her deal breaker list, who knows.. . do you ask what she likes to do.. or do you direct the conversation all to your own choosing.. is there enough "open ended" questions for some healthy give & take...playing off of each other or is it on the awkward side.. a little too much silence?


This reminds me of a date my DD went on in college. Gorgeous guy, sweet personality, lots going for him. Then they went out, and he proceeded to tell her at dinner that her take on politics was wrong; that she was going about her college plans the wrong way; that it was ok if she didn't have it all together the way he thought she should be going it, she'd get there eventually; and that she needed to rethink her religious philosophy because she was wrong. lol

He believed he was just giving her 'truths' that she needed to hear. Needless to say, she never went out with him again. 

The point is, what makes sense to YOU might be totally wrong for the other person. Which is why I suggested that, if you're getting this response more than once, you might want to figure out WHY. Might be you, your personality, might not. Or it just might be that your picker is off and you keep picking selfish twits. Asking for honest feedback from your friends (or other women) might help you out.


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## SMG15 (May 23, 2015)

*Re: I am old enough to know that same day cancellations normally means she got a ...*



SimplyAmorous said:


> Here is what I would like to know.. Are these dates planned *BEFORE* the 2 phone conversations.. or *AFTER *the 2 phone conversations*?*
> 
> What is generally talked about on the phone? ...are the conversations long enough as to get to know each other -to bring some comfort to the woman -as others are pointing out ?
> 
> ...




Now you talking stupid. If the conversation was awkward why would a date be scheduled????????????????


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

*Re: I am old enough to know that same day cancellations normally means she got a ...*



SMG15 said:


> Now you talking stupid. If the conversation was awkward why would a date be scheduled????????????????


But you didn't answer my question.. maybe the date was planned before you talked .. what do I know.. that's why I asked ....

Your jumping to calling others "stupid" for us taking the time to post on your thread , offering what could be at play here.. is only helping paint a clearer picture to why this may be happening to you.


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## SMG15 (May 23, 2015)

*Re: I am old enough to know that same day cancellations normally means she got a ...*



SimplyAmorous said:


> But you didn't answer my question.. maybe the date was planned before you talked .. what do I know.. that's why I asked ....
> 
> Your jumping to calling others "stupid" for us taking the time to post on your thread , offering what could be at play here.. is only helping paint a clearer picture to why this may be happening to you.


I said you are TALKING STUPID. We had great conversation and scheduled a date and then it was cancelled

Why must everything be justified when a woman does something rude? I bet if a man did something similar he would be called a JERK


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

*Re: I am old enough to know that same day cancellations normally means she got a ...*



SMG15 said:


> I said you are TALKING STUPID. We had great conversation and scheduled a date and then it was cancelled
> 
> *Why must everything be justified when a woman does something rude? I bet if a man did something similar he would be called a JERK*


 I never justify rude behavior..gender means nothing to me...

If you recall you gave me a like because I would not be like this woman.. I would offer an authentic truth.. you can not see your own rudeness in these replies, repeatedly calling others "stupid".. (and with CAPS NOW!). .. this is clanging gong VIBE .


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

*Re: I am old enough to know that same day cancellations normally means she got a ...*



SMG15 said:


> I said you are TALKING STUPID. We had great conversation and scheduled a date and then it was cancelled
> 
> Why must everything be justified when a woman does something rude? I bet if a man did something similar he would be called a JERK


I think she said yes to a date on the phone because it's just awkward to be talking to someone and then say no. After she got off the phone she had to think of a way backtrack. I've noticed things you've said here that would make me turned off to dating someone like you, and I've never even heard your voice. You can tell a lot by talking to someone, but once you're in a conversation on the phone with someone and you realize, "Um, no...", it's just really hard to "dump" someone you don't even know! I've done online dating, and I get this.

Simmer down and you might keep a date.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

SMG15 said:


> It's a lot of competition
> 
> Plus how do I know when I send someone a message online that they are not already dating someone? I could be sending a message to someone who went on a 3rd date with a guy last week


Online dating is like that. My dad did it extensively before he passed away and he used to say that there are many more women then men and you had to be prepared to deal with 100 duds for every 1 possible real shot.

He said it's not for the faint of heart, and if they don't want to quickly meet you for coffee it's probably not worth pursuing because they're either not that interested in you, have a bunch of others they're more interested in, or are playing a fantasy game and not actually interested in meeting someone in person.

The downside of OLD is that it's a shopping experience with no real human connection where everyone is imagining if they can order something better. When you meet someone in person and you click you can overlook some things, but when you're shopping online not so much. I can tell you if I'd seen the profile of some guy 19 years older than me looking for a younger woman I'd have kept on going. But we met in person and have been together for 10 years. That's the human connection.


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## SMG15 (May 23, 2015)

*Re: I am old enough to know that same day cancellations normally means she got a ...*



SimplyAmorous said:


> I never justify rude behavior..gender means nothing to me...
> 
> If you recall you gave me a like because I would not be like this woman.. I would offer an authentic truth.. you can not see your own rudeness in these replies, repeatedly calling others "stupid".. (and with CAPS NOW!). .. this is clanging gong VIBE .


Again, I didn't call anyone stupid, I saw a few posters were talking stupid


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

*Re: I am old enough to know that same day cancellations normally means she got a ...*



SMG15 said:


> Again, I didn't call anyone stupid, I saw a few posters were talking stupid


Omg, are you my ex husband? "I didn't call you a *****! I said you were acting like a *****!" (Guess what I actually heard? That I'm a *****.) 

He actually graduated to straight out calling me names, but it's the same. Don't hide behind semantics.


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## SMG15 (May 23, 2015)

*Re: I am old enough to know that same day cancellations normally means she got a ...*



SecondTime'Round said:


> Omg, are you my ex husband? "I didn't call you a *****! I said you were acting like a *****!" (Guess what I actually heard? That I'm a *****.)
> 
> He actually graduated to straight out calling me names, but it's the same. Don't hide behind semantics.


I thought it was a difference between saying someone was talking stupid and saying someone is stupid


----------



## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

> Again, I didn't call anyone stupid, I saw a few posters were talking stupid


And, you ignore all the comments requesting you to look at yourself. All of which were said to HELP you, by the way. We don't come here just to bash people. If we see a possible solution, we speak it. But you don't seem interested in looking at yourself. Suit yourself. Just remember this if you start seeing a pattern.

And no, it is NOT a difference. Aggressive is aggressive.


----------



## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

*Re: I am old enough to know that same day cancellations normally means she got a ...*



SMG15 said:


> I thought it was a difference between saying someone was talking stupid and saying someone is stupid


Now you're just talking stupid.


----------



## SMG15 (May 23, 2015)

turnera said:


> And, you ignore all the comments requesting you to look at yourself. All of which were said to HELP you, by the way. We don't come here just to bash people. If we see a possible solution, we speak it. But you don't seem interested in looking at yourself. Suit yourself. Just remember this if you start seeing a pattern.
> 
> And no, it is NOT a difference. Aggressive is aggressive.


I know I am not a good dater but have managed to get better. I don't start to give off bad vibes until I meet face to face due to shyness.

But before that I am fine on the phone which is why I didn't understand why you were telling me to look at myself


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

*Re: I am old enough to know that same day cancellations normally means she got a ...*



SMG15 said:


> I thought it was a difference between saying someone was talking stupid and saying someone is stupid


It's boarder line. You might want to tone down the name calling.


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## unblinded (May 27, 2015)

Maybe you jumped the gun just a smidgen.


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

SMG15 said:


> I know I am not a good dater but have managed to get better. I don't start to give off bad vibes until I meet face to face due to shyness.
> 
> *But before that I am fine on the phone which is why I didn't understand why you were telling me to look at myself*


Because maybe you're not as fine as you think you are on the phone.

Maybe she doesn't like the way you present yourself, or your grammar, or your smoker's voice.....(have no idea if you smoke, just speaking hypothetically). All of those things (and more) would be a turnoff for me when talking to someone.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

SMG15 said:


> I know I am not a good dater but have managed to get better. I don't start to give off bad vibes until I meet face to face due to shyness.
> 
> But before that I am fine on the phone


How do you know? Are you asking people afterward?


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Maybe you would be more comfortable with traditional dating rather than OLD.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

My mom's father used to tell her she was talking stupid. She very much perceived it as him calling her stupid, and to this day at age 67 she still remembers it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

It sure as hell isn't a compliment!


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## SMG15 (May 23, 2015)

Just had a first conversation with someone from OKC and we talked for about 40 minutes and had a few laughs and no awkwardness

But then when we ended the conversation she says..."have a great week??

Why the hell would she say that if we had a nice phone conversation?


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## unblinded (May 27, 2015)

SMG15 said:


> Just had a first conversation with someone from OKC and we talked for about 40 minutes and had a few laughs and no awkwardness
> 
> But then when we ended the conversation she says..."have a great week??
> 
> Why the hell would she say that if we had a nice phone conversation?


Dude...you need to relax. 

To echo Openminded's comment, maybe OLD isn't your cup of tea.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

SMG15 said:


> Just had a first conversation with someone from OKC and we talked for about 40 minutes and had a few laughs and no awkwardness
> 
> But then when we ended the conversation she says..."have a great week??
> 
> Why the hell would she say that if we had a nice phone conversation?


Because she does not know when the next time is that she will talk to you. That's all it means. She has no idea if you will be calling her back or where it's going . There has been only one phone conversation. 

You need to lighten up. Building a relationship takes time.


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## SMG15 (May 23, 2015)

unblinded said:


> Dude...you need to relax.
> 
> To echo Openminded's comment, maybe OLD isn't your cup of tea.


I guess that caught me off guard. Never had no one say that after a first convo that went well

lol


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## SMG15 (May 23, 2015)

EleGirl said:


> Because she does not know when the next time is that she will talk to you. That's all it means. She has no idea if you will be calling her back or where it's going . There has been only one phone conversation.
> 
> You need to lighten up. Building a relationship takes time.


I guess you are right.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

SMG15 said:


> I guess you are right.


I think that you are having knee jerk reactions to things.

The one who cancelled the date because she says she is ill... she just might be you know. She did ask you about another date. That shows that she is interested.

The one with the phone call was just being nice.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Quit having marathon phone conversations with complete strangers. Meet these women for lunch, coffee, or dinner. Apparently, "phone dates" aren't working too well for you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

*I am old enough to know that same day cancellations normally means she got a ...*



SMG15 said:


> Just had a first conversation with someone from OKC and we talked for about 40 minutes and had a few laughs and no awkwardness
> 
> 
> 
> ...



Yes, you need to relax. She didn't say have a nice life. She simply passed on a friendly comment and you really should not read anymore into than what she said to you.


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## Hardtohandle (Jan 10, 2013)

Holy Crap SMG15 you make me look like a rock star..

You are a really tense guy and you're too closed about yourself to take criticism. You just can't see yourself as doing something wrong here.. 

You need to be able to see that.. You need to be able to accept that and OWN IT.. THIS IS ME... I FVCKED THIS UP.... 

But now I want to fix this.. I want to fix ME... 

Only then will you get it..

Maybe you told the woman on the phone some quote from transformers and she thought you were retarded.. Who the fvck knows.. 

But you need to accept that you can probably start off like a champ and finish like a chump.. 

Look a woman asked me what I do all day at work... I told her I honestly looked at every elses porn.. Because that is what I do, doing computer forensics.. Mind you many of my cases deal with child pornograhpy.. But instead of building up the heart wrenching things I looked at... I went with the stupid joke that I looked at porn all day... I lost her right then and there.. I knew it and even said it to her.. 

I was like.. Oh boy that was pretty dumb for me to say... She was yea sort of.. Look I'm sorry it was a poor joke in poor taste.. I was then going to hit her up to explain its on in defense of what we look at all day is painful.. But I didn't get the chance.. She cut me off and said Yea, Look I need to go. Have a nice day..

That was it.. 

The difference here is I realize the STUPID things I do.. 
*Maybe* you don't.. 

Look you came here for divorce issues and you get free online dating tips.. Don't knock it accept and embrace it.. 

Where else can you get a bunch of women together who will look out for you and give you advice on how to score.. 

You can't put a price on this stuff.. Open up your mind a bit here..


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## SMG15 (May 23, 2015)

happy as a clam said:


> Quit having marathon phone conversations with complete strangers. Meet these women for lunch, coffee, or dinner. Apparently, "phone dates" aren't working too well for you.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Well I am not going to try and make a date during the 1st convo

I wait until the end of the 2nd


You have to find out someone's availibility. I did hint that next weekend would be a good time to meet before I got off the phone


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## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

*I am old enough to know that same day cancellations normally means she got a ...*



SMG15 said:


> Well I am not going to try and make a date during the 1st convo
> 
> 
> 
> ...



I would set a date on the first phone conversation, but that's just me. You find out more meeting people in person. 

Don't hint, just ask her if she could meet you for coffee. Make it casual, don't force anything. Relax


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## SMG15 (May 23, 2015)

Hardtohandle said:


> Holy Crap SMG15 you make me look like a rock star..
> 
> You are a really tense guy and you're too closed about yourself to take criticism. You just can't see yourself as doing something wrong here..
> 
> ...



Originally I said we should meet for coffee and told her to call me to discuss it further

Then I sent another text saying we can meet for water ice and go to the park to eat while talking and getting to know each other. Then I said I could come out to her area and we could go to Panera Bread.

Those wasn't going to be my only suggestions but she never called me like I told her too and eventually I got this text


"i'm sorry, I need to reschedule. Im not feeling great. I took a nap thinking I was just tired but it didn't get any better. I don't want to be another bad date story for you. Maybe we can could get together after work one day this week?"


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## SMG15 (May 23, 2015)

*Re: I am old enough to know that same day cancellations normally means she got a ...*



Ikaika said:


> I would set a date on the first phone conversation, but that's just me. You find out more meeting people in person.
> 
> Don't hint, just ask her if she could meet you for coffee. Make it casual, don't force anything. Relax


Just sounds too aggressive since she doesn't know me that well. Now if we talk for 2 hours on that first phone convo then I can probably suggest a meet

But we only talked tonight for 40 mins and I didn't think that was long enough to set up a meet


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## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

*I am old enough to know that same day cancellations normally means she got a ...*



SMG15 said:


> Originally I said we should meet for coffee and told her to call me to discuss it further
> 
> 
> 
> ...



You should have kept it to one item, the first one, meet for coffee. Leave all the other plans for later, if you hit it off.


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## SMG15 (May 23, 2015)

*Re: I am old enough to know that same day cancellations normally means she got a ...*



Ikaika said:


> You should have kept it to one item, the first one, meet for coffee. Leave all the other plans for later, if you hit it off.


I won't be setting up any other meets over text from this point on


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## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

*I am old enough to know that same day cancellations normally means she got a ...*



SMG15 said:


> Just sounds too aggressive since she doesn't know me that well. Now if we talk for 2 hours on that first phone convo then I can probably suggest a meet
> 
> 
> 
> But we only talked tonight for 40 mins and I didn't think that was long enough to set up a meet



What is aggressive about asking someone out to coffee? I would be 20 minutes or less and asking if we could meet, that is if the conversation did not die by that time.


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## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

*I am old enough to know that same day cancellations normally means she got a ...*



SMG15 said:


> I won't be setting up any other meets over text from this point on



Text is ok, just limit your request.


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## SMG15 (May 23, 2015)

*Re: I am old enough to know that same day cancellations normally means she got a ...*



Ikaika said:


> What is aggressive about asking someone out to coffee? I would be 20 minutes or less and asking if we could meet, that is if the conversation did not die by that time.


Sometimes I can get a good vibe from a girl which makes it easy to ask but tonight even thought we had a few laughs I didn't feel the convo was going that well to set up a meet

Plus I prefer to meet on fri sat or sun for a first meet and it's too early in the week. So I will call back on Wed to set something up for the weekend


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## SMG15 (May 23, 2015)

*Re: I am old enough to know that same day cancellations normally means she got a ...*



Ikaika said:


> Text is ok, just limit your request.


But you can understand how I had no interest in setting up anything for after work when the weekend was just starting. Who the hell wants to hear about after work on a saturday at 1pm?

That's something I would have done on a sunday evening with someone new not with someone I already had plans with and the weekend was just starting


Not going to lie, I was looking forward to being out yesterday and was very annoyed I was in the house for a second saturday in a row


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

*Re: I am old enough to know that same day cancellations normally means she got a ...*



Ikaika said:


> I would set a date on the first phone conversation, but that's just me. You find out more meeting people in person.
> 
> Don't hint, just ask her if she could meet you for coffee. Make it casual, don't force anything. Relax


Coffee in a really public place where she can easily leave if she's not feeling it. Not because you're going to drive her away but because women first and foremost have to feel safe. We are always on high alert for 'weird' signals - from everyone. Because we can't just beat people up, we're usually smaller and weaker. So we check everyone out for safety; it's just what we do.

So when you know that going in, and you suggest a really public place where she can easily get to and leave from, she will feel safe around you and be willing to give you a chance.

My DD24, when she met a guy online about 3 years ago, would only talk to him on the phone for the first 2-3 months. She had to make SURE he was safe enough to meet in real life. She wouldn't even invite him to her birthday party, when they'd been talking for almost 3 months. She had to make sure he was safe. (and as luck would have it, he turned out to be a controlling jerk who ran her through the wringer before she finally called it quits)


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

SMG15 said:


> "i'm sorry, I need to reschedule. Im not feeling great. I took a nap thinking I was just tired but it didn't get any better. *I don't want to be another bad date story for you*. Maybe we can could get together after work one day this week?"


Wait a minute! Please don't tell me you are telling her how crappy your other dates have been?! Please say you're not doing that?

You realize what we think when you talk bad about your previous dates, right? If it's ONE woman you talk about, we think 'Gee, I wonder how he's going to vilify ME? Uh, no thanks.' (and btw, that's a warning sign for controlling/abusive men, and women DO look out for that)

And if you're telling her about MORE than one woman who's dumped you, turned into a 'bad date story,' guess what she thinks?

THAT THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG WITH YOU!

Please stop telling women about how other women have dissed you. That instantly tells us to leave you alone.


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## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

*I am old enough to know that same day cancellations normally means she got a ...*



SMG15 said:


> Sometimes I can get a good vibe from a girl which makes it easy to ask but tonight even thought we had a few laughs I didn't feel the convo was going that well to set up a meet
> 
> 
> 
> Plus I prefer to meet on fri sat or sun for a first meet and it's too early in the week. So I will call back on Wed to set something up for the weekend



Just relax and try to have fun. I always looked at dates as opportunity to meet someone and have fun. If you hit it off, great. If not, no big deal. 

Just make it something casual.


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## zillard (Nov 13, 2012)

*Re: I am old enough to know that same day cancellations normally means she got a ...*



SMG15 said:


> Not going to lie, I was looking forward to being out yesterday and was very annoyed I was in the house for a second saturday in a row


And there it is! Dude, you need to become comfortable with yourself instead of needing others to have a good time. A date cancelled is no reason to have a lousy Saturday. It's Saturday, man, enjoy it! 

Plus, you invited a woman to three+ different places before you've even met? That comes off as needy... and if they feel that you might be needy, it's a turnoff. Judging by your Saturday annoyance, assumptions (why would she tell you the night before that she'll be sick tomorrow? That would sound more like BS than 4 hrs notice), and desire to talk for hours on the phone before meeting (dates are FOR talking), I don't blame them.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## zillard (Nov 13, 2012)

And who gives a dam if she DID get a "better" offer?! 

If you're confident vs arrogant, you'll meet up with her on the reschedule and BE the best offer. And decide is SHE is a good offer.

That's not "jumping through hoops". Offering three different places to meet is.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

After reading more I agree OP this OLD thing may not be for you. This is what it is essentially. You go online to find women your interested in and see if they will meet up.

People will flake, lie , deceive , no show, make excuses, only communicate via email or text. You have to weed through them all to get to others who are actually interested in dating. Don't put all your eggs in one basket. The goal should be to meet and communicate with as many women as you can till you find someone with mutual interest. That isn't going to be everyone. Lots of disappointment on the way to success. Many have this shared experience.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Here's my suggestion for your love life. Pick something you can volunteer at. Big Brother, SPCA, teaching kids to read...find something and start volunteering. It will help you meet good people and it will help you feel good about yourself, give you some confidence, which will spill over into your dating. 

Also pick some sort of pasttime you like and find a place to start doing it. Golfing, basketball, D&D, join a rock and roll band, I don't care...just start getting out with guys and do something fun.

Also think of something you've always wanted to learn and find a class teaching it. Leisure learning, junior college, local church, whatever. Just sign up for a class and get out there and start taking classes. Great way to make friends and meet women. 

And here's the key to finding a great woman - being friends with her, first. And best way to be friends with her first is by doing any of the things I've described above - volunteering, a club or group, or taking a class.

Keeps you from having to do 'small talk' or 'flirt talk.' You just...TALK. And they get to know you, learn what a great guy you are, and once you make a connection, then you can ask her out. You'll have much better luck that way.


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

Op to me it sounds like you go into these things expecting every thing to work out perfectly in your favor and if not the other person is dissing you somehow. The reality is you have NO idea what really happened on her end, and that's life. You can spend all your time being negative and thinking the worst and that negativity bleeds into your personality, and other people perceive that and it's a huge turn off. The entire text/conversation should have went "Hey, I'm sorry I need to cancel our meeting, I'm just not feeling well" (your response) Sorry to hear that, I was looking forward to getting together, maybe we can reschedule for a day next week. Hope you feel better." That's it...then life goes on, you find something else to do instead of moping around the house for the second Saturday in a row blaming her. Oh wait, you did find a way of entertaining yourself, you got on TAM and started a disparaging thread about how she f'd up your plans and how it ain't going to happen again, I guess it worked out OK for you then, 93 post probably kept you busy all weekend.


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

Asking someone on a date after an initial 40 minute conversation is not too quick. It is expected if you wanted a date at all. The expected "goodbye" from someone NOT asked on a date would be, "have a good week." What else was she going to say? "See ya soon?" Nope.

Sounds to me like Saturday night girl would rather meet for drinks than coffee or water ice. The last first date I'd want to have in the middle of a hot summer is water ice melting all over me in a hot park, FYI. Panera is ok, but again, not everyone wants that for a first date. I'd prefer drinks myself. (It is perfectly reasonable, however, to have a "no drinks on the first date" rule as a matter of thinking most clearly about the other person, if that's your thing).


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## SMG15 (May 23, 2015)

I don't drink.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

SMG15 said:


> I don't drink.


Order a Coke. And she can order whatever she likes, with or without alcohol.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

SMG15 said:


> *I don't drink*.


There's one plus!


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

SMG15 said:


> I don't drink.


OP I don't drink either and you think it would be a positive thing but when it comes to dating it does trim down your options. The first thing women fear when they hear you never drink is you are either in a recovery program or are devoutly religious. I have watched the smile drop of women's faces when I utter the word "never drink". I have found it best to get that info out there right up front, either put it in your dating profile or slip it into an early conversation. 

Regardless of your personal choices for not drinking, and even if being around drinking doesn't bother you, some people become uncomfortable being with a non drinker.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Ha! DD24 and I have had several conversations about drinking. Her boyfriend's devoutly Christian roommate, who says he will date ONLY girls from his denomination, and will NEVER date a woman who has ever consumed alcohol, let alone WANTS to have a drink...is strangely single at 35. Imagine that.

He probably expects her to be a virgin, too, at 35, but at least he has the sense not to say that out loud.


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## Hardtohandle (Jan 10, 2013)

SMG15

I would like an answer as well to Turnera bolded comment about another bad date story..

I'm gonna ask simply what is up with you.. What is the medical diagnosis ? 

You had a 40 MINUTE conversation on the phone and you don't think this woman wants to go out on a date ? 

You met her on a dating site for christ sakes.. 

Thats the whole point !

You need a 2 hour conversation or 2 conversations equating to 2 hours to ask the question ? 

If I could suggest, have something in mind but try to see if this woman has an idea of what she wants.. Look there is nothing wrong with making a person feel safe.. 

Hey is there any place you would like to meet ? What makes you feel comfortable..

Is there anything you don't eat or drink ? 

Yea women like a man who can make decisions, but it doesn't have to be take charge all the time.. If she gives you a *"Oh, I don't know.. Whatever is good." *

Then make the command decision and pick the place you had in mind already.. 

This way you gave them a choice, you made it look like you were concerned and cared about their needs. But you also had a plan the minute they didn't.. 

Common sense would dictate that you don't make them travel.. 

But you gave her 3 choices.. Way too much.. 

Do you know where you want to go ? No ? Okay let's meet here.. 

I am tell you I sense something wrong in the force with you ( Yes, Geeky Star Wars line ).. 

So what gives honestly.. Lack of dating.. Insecurities.. Bad break up.. Fear of rejection ? Aspergers ? What is it ?

Some of us can feel it but you're not being clear here.. 

Again I thought I was square with my thoughts on this stuff, then comes you.. 

Look let me see if I can relate a bit.. 

I am very, very, very selective.. I do NOT walk into a bar and then say she will do and if not her then the next one, then the next one, the next one, ETC ... So forth down the line.. 

To me I'm like a Scifi alien from another planet.. I pick one person in the place and everyone else is zoned out.. If it doesn't work with that person.. There is no back up gal.. That is it.. UNLESS someone else walks into the place that gets my attention.. 

To me from some of your wording it appears like these girls are it for you.. These girls are the girls that are narrowed down from the 100s you seen.. 

So it appears that when you get some sort of rejection from them it hurts because you have already made you mind up and have some sort of emotional attachment to them already.. So again you take it personal.. 

The simple fix here is you need to understand its not... YOU, YOU, YOU need to grow a thicker skin... You need to realize you need to fix something with you.. 

I can say this because that is in many ways that is how I am.. When I hook onto someone I just want to be with them all the time.. I would skip work if I could to be with someone, and I have.. 

So I get a twinge when I get shot down for a date request.. But I can tell you this.. You have gotten many more positive results than I ever did on these OLD sites.. I would get *MAYBE* 1 response out of 20 request.. *MAYBE*... 

It was utter pain for me honestly.. 

But yea whats up with the bad story comment..


----------



## Elizabeth001 (May 18, 2015)

turnera said:


> Wait a minute! Please don't tell me you are telling her how crappy your other dates have been?! Please say you're not doing that?
> 
> You realize what we think when you talk bad about your previous dates, right? If it's ONE woman you talk about, we think 'Gee, I wonder how he's going to vilify ME? Uh, no thanks.' (and btw, that's a warning sign for controlling/abusive men, and women DO look out for that)
> 
> ...


This...this is exactly what went wrong with that one. I would have done the same thing.


----------



## staarz21 (Feb 6, 2013)

I'm going to second (or third) what a few others have posted. If you are mentioning past dates (the recent one said she didn't want to be another bad date story), you are putting women off just by that. 

DO NOT tell them about your past dates. Why would you present yourself that way? We (women) don't want to hear about how bad your dates are. It just screams that something is wrong with you that all of these dates are horrible. Although, you could just be saving them a lot of time. 

You're putting the new women off by talking bad about the old ones. Just don't do that. 

Also, when asking someone out, stick to ONE place. Be confident in where you want to go and what you want to do. Don't say, "want to go for coffee"....wait for a response (omg no response what if she doesn't like coffee? um.....okay let me text something else...) "OR we could meet up and go to the park, if you prefer?"....wait for a response (omg what if she doesn't like walking?...okay let me text something else....) "OR I know!!!! I could come creeping into your neighborhood and we can go to Panera!"

That's way too much. 

Just say, "Do you want to meet up somewhere in the middle of (whatever city you live in) for coffee/tea?" Even if she doesn't like coffee, most shops have more than just coffee. If she wants to meet up with you, she will make it happen. If not, move on. There is no reason to stress over losing someone you've never even met in person. You're getting way too worked up over that. 

Focus on changing these small things. Women like confidence. You don't seem like you have very much of that.


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## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

*I am old enough to know that same day cancellations normally means she got a ...*



SMG15 said:


> I don't drink.



I'm assuming this is an option in your OLD profile. 

I think you are getting (mostly very good) advice from a lot of folks here on TAM. However don't assume you are being attacked. The people here are trying to help you "get better results" (Tunera). I don't want to plagiarize.


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## SMG15 (May 23, 2015)

Why does this site look like she on my android phone? I guess I will just wait until I get home from work to respond


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## SMG15 (May 23, 2015)

turnera said:


> Wait a minute! Please don't tell me you are telling her how crappy your other dates have been?! Please say you're not doing that?
> 
> You realize what we think when you talk bad about your previous dates, right? If it's ONE woman you talk about, we think 'Gee, I wonder how he's going to vilify ME? Uh, no thanks.' (and btw, that's a warning sign for controlling/abusive men, and women DO look out for that)
> 
> ...



She just asked about the last date and I said I was kind of annoyed she came to see me sick which was obvious when I met her from how she was looking.


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## SMG15 (May 23, 2015)

*Re: I am old enough to know that same day cancellations normally means she got a ...*



zillard said:


> And there it is! Dude, you need to become comfortable with yourself instead of needing others to have a good time. A date cancelled is no reason to have a lousy Saturday. It's Saturday, man, enjoy it!
> 
> Plus, you invited a woman to three+ different places before you've even met? That comes off as needy... and if they feel that you might be needy, it's a turnoff. Judging by your Saturday annoyance, assumptions (why would she tell you the night before that she'll be sick tomorrow? That would sound more like BS than 4 hrs notice), and desire to talk for hours on the phone before meeting (dates are FOR talking), I don't blame them.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



cancelled plans means my weekend was not productive which put me in a foul mood on my way to work


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## SMG15 (May 23, 2015)

SecondTime'Round said:


> Asking someone on a date after an initial 40 minute conversation is not too quick. It is expected if you wanted a date at all. The expected "goodbye" from someone NOT asked on a date would be, "have a good week." What else was she going to say? "See ya soon?" Nope.
> 
> Sounds to me like Saturday night girl would rather meet for drinks than coffee or water ice. The last first date I'd want to have in the middle of a hot summer is water ice melting all over me in a hot park, FYI. Panera is ok, but again, not everyone wants that for a first date. I'd prefer drinks myself. (It is perfectly reasonable, however, to have a "no drinks on the first date" rule as a matter of thinking most clearly about the other person, if that's your thing).



Since I am not available to meet until friday I saw no point in setting up a date last night. I will call back on Wednesday and set up a date for the weekend

is that clear???????


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## SMG15 (May 23, 2015)

Cooper said:


> OP I don't drink either and you think it would be a positive thing but when it comes to dating it does trim down your options. The first thing women fear when they hear you never drink is you are either in a recovery program or are devoutly religious. I have watched the smile drop of women's faces when I utter the word "never drink". I have found it best to get that info out there right up front, either put it in your dating profile or slip it into an early conversation.
> 
> Regardless of your personal choices for not drinking, and even if being around drinking doesn't bother you, some people become uncomfortable being with a non drinker.


Well whatever woman thinks that belongs in a mental institution and would probably be blocked from calling me.


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## SMG15 (May 23, 2015)

Hardtohandle said:


> SMG15
> 
> I would like an answer as well to Turnera bolded comment about another bad date story..
> 
> ...



I'm not available to meet until Friday or Sunday so I didn't set up a date last night. I will call back on wednesday and set up the date

Understand what I am trying to explain to you?


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## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

*I am old enough to know that same day cancellations normally means she got a ...*



SMG15 said:


> I'm not available to meet until Friday or Sunday so I didn't set up a date last night. I will call back on wednesday and set up the date
> 
> 
> 
> Understand what I am trying to explain to you?



If she asked to meet on Wednesday up to make up for the cancelled date last Saturday (because she said she was sick) you politely let her know your situation. Let her decide if that option is possible. And if not you both move on, with no bitterness. 

State in OLD profile, that only those days are available. You may be limiting yourself, but at least someone knows in advance. You don't need to make it any harder than that so as not to stress yourself out.


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## SMG15 (May 23, 2015)

*Re: I am old enough to know that same day cancellations normally means she got a ...*



Ikaika said:


> If she asked to meet on Wednesday up to make up for the cancelled date last Saturday (because she said she was sick) you politely let her know your situation. Let her decide if that option is possible. And if not you both move on, with no bitterness.
> 
> State in OLD profile, that only those days are available. You may be limiting yourself, but at least someone knows in advance. You don't need to make it any harder than that so as not to stress yourself out.


My job does not allow me to meet during the week so that's why I am waiting until Wednesday to set up the first meet


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## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

*I am old enough to know that same day cancellations normally means she got a ...*



SMG15 said:


> My job does not allow me to meet during the week so that's why I am waiting until Wednesday to set up the first meet



Ok... I would just limit your OLD profile to suggest, "present I am only available on weekends, including Friday evenings". Make it simple without too much explanation.


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## SMG15 (May 23, 2015)

*Re: I am old enough to know that same day cancellations normally means she got a ...*



Ikaika said:


> Ok... I would just limit your OLD profile to suggest, "present I am only available on weekends, including Friday evenings". Make it simple without too much explanation.



I will only meet during the week if it's a 3rd date or after


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## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

*I am old enough to know that same day cancellations normally means she got a ...*



SMG15 said:


> I will only meet during the week if it's a 3rd date or after



I'm not trying to be mean or overly critical, but maybe you are not ready for the dating scene at this moment in your life. It may not be fair to the other person and possibly not healthy for you. You are making this too hard

Take some time to assess your life, priorities and goals. This could be healthy thing to do and then when you are ready you will be open to many opportunities and have more to offer the other person.


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## SMG15 (May 23, 2015)

*Re: I am old enough to know that same day cancellations normally means she got a ...*



Ikaika said:


> I'm not trying to be mean or overly critical, but maybe you are not ready for the dating scene at this moment in your life. It may not be fair to the other person and possibly not healthy for you. You are making this too hard
> 
> Take some time to assess your life, priorities and goals. This could be healthy thing to do and then when you are ready you will be open to many opportunities and have more to offer the other person.


My evenings are precious and i just don't see anyone on a week night. She has to be special


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

*Re: I am old enough to know that same day cancellations normally means she got a ...*



SMG15 said:


> My job does not allow me to meet during the week
> I will only meet during the week if it's a 3rd date or after
> i just don't see anyone on a week night. She has to be special


Holy cow! How much time do you spend setting up this incredibly complex system for dating? I suppose it helps you have an excuse for just about every possible reason a deal falls through...you know, so you don't have to ask yourself if it had anything to do with YOU.


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## SMG15 (May 23, 2015)

*Re: I am old enough to know that same day cancellations normally means she got a ...*



turnera said:


> Holy cow! How much time do you spend setting up this incredibly complex system for dating? I suppose it helps you have an excuse for just about every possible reason a deal falls through...you know, so you don't have to ask yourself if it had anything to do with YOU.


I am open to someone coming to my apt during the week lol


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

SMG15 said:


> Since I am not available to meet until friday I saw no point in setting up a date last night. I will call back on Wednesday and set up a date for the weekend
> 
> is that clear???????


I guess so. But why are you so aggressive? It's becoming quite clear why you are not getting dates.


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## Maneo (Dec 4, 2012)

*Re: I am old enough to know that same day cancellations normally means she got a ...*



Personal said:


> Perhaps I'm somewhat obtuse, but what does Ikaika's comment as quoted below...
> 
> 
> 
> ...have to do with your response as follows?


The phrase "talking to a brick wall" comes to mind


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

*Re: I am old enough to know that same day cancellations normally means she got a ...*



SMG15 said:


> I am open to someone coming to my apt during the week lol


What do you do for a living? If you were in a committed relationship, how often could your lady expect to see you during the week?


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## SMG15 (May 23, 2015)

We agreed to see each other on Friday night after work


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## SMG15 (May 23, 2015)

*Re: I am old enough to know that same day cancellations normally means she got a ...*



SecondTime'Round said:


> What do you do for a living? If you were in a committed relationship, how often could your lady expect to see you during the week?


2-3 times


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

SMG15 said:


> Well whatever woman thinks that belongs in a mental institution and would probably be blocked from calling me.


What a ridicules thing to say.

OP you have the right to live your life how you like, but you can't expect the rest of the world to bend their lives to your directives. Your comments and responses have been hostile, condescending, arrogant, belligerent and narrow minded. I think you are going to have a lot of lonely weekends unless you learn to temper your attitude.


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## staarz21 (Feb 6, 2013)

OP, to put it bluntly - if you talk to those women the way you speak here, it's clear why you're not getting anyone to go out with you. You're very narrow minded with all of this and extremely hostile. I can assure you they are picking up on that (if you're actually doing what you say you're doing). All of this is starting to sound a bit ridiculous. You actually think that most of the women you meet are going to put up with your nasty attitude and they're not...proven by the cancelled dates or women who decide they don't want to meet you after SPEAKING to you. Gee. I wonder why that is?

All I can say is several women have cancelled on you or have decided not to see you. Common denominator here is YOU.


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