# ladies how do you feel about making more



## lost soul (May 20, 2009)

So I been with my wife for over 20yrs and we where 17 when we started dating. In the beginning of our marriage I mad more money then 1/2 through just slightly more but now she makes over twice what I make. She doesn't make to big of a deal over it but once in awhile she will make a remark on how she pays most of the bills. To me I do fell less of a man and have told her I never put her down when I was making more and if she makes more of a deal out of it it will become ugly.

So ladies how do you see it if a woman make more money than a man ? does it make him less in any way ? what's your point of view on any of this ?


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## tobio (Nov 30, 2010)

My personal take... It wouldn't bother me if I made more than my partner. I have been in this position previously and I didn't think he was less of a man. As long as he's being responsible and pulling his weight then I wouldn't think less of him.

The comment about her paying the bills... I've made a similar comment in the past, and it's not related to him earning less money, but more that *I* was taking more responsibility for the household outgoings with him seeming less bothered. We switched things so he dealt with some of the bills instead which balanced it out.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

To me it's about gratitude. My wife, who I put through law school has never held a job. And yet she occupies a huge amount of time complaining about money. Which is just intolerable.


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## magnoliagal (Mar 30, 2011)

For 10 years I made over 2X what my dh did. Overall it didn't bother me one bit. I didn't marry him for money I married him because I loved him so no I didn't think any less of him.

Now here's where the question gets tricky. What's my point of view on this? Years ago I would have said it's fine but now I'm not so sure. See I ended up quitting my job to be a homemaker. And within oh like days dh was so much happier being the provider. He admitted that he hated me making more money than him. I'm thinking it takes a very secure man to be with a high earning wife and I did not marry one of those. I was okay with it but he wasn't. If I ever do go back to work I'll make sure I never make more than him again even though I'm fully capable of it. I prefer him being happier and secure as the breadwinner. I'm a simple gal and money is just not that important. But having a happy husband is.


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## Blue Skye (Apr 22, 2011)

I make more than my husband and that's with my working only 30 hours a week to his 40. It doesn't bother me - I don't really think about it. He has said in the past that it doesn't bother him.

I don't ever give him any grief about me making more - I never say a word. He doesn't give me any grief, either, if I want to buy something - he never says a word. Overall, I just act like it's not really that important, because it isn't to me. I don't see him as any less of a man because of it. There are many, many other things that he does that make him a man in my eyes.


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## lost soul (May 20, 2009)

I guess it's "machismo" that get's me. I liked taking care of her,,,, I still due except for financially. I think she get's more upset about her doing so much around the house and me not keeping up with her. But she is a clean freak and me and the kids can not keep up with her.

I guess to a women it's not to big of a deal as long as the man is "pulling his weight" as tobio says


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Personally I've never been in a situation where I made jmore than the guy I dated but I figure if both parties are ok with it, who cares what anyone thinks?

My good friend works full time and her husband is teh "house-husband." LOL. He cooks, cleans, does the yardwork, helps with everything else. And it works out great for them. Sure, it isn't conventional but their arrangement is perfect for them.


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## daison (Mar 3, 2011)

The below post would mimic my sentiments exactly. I made more than my husband for a few years and he appeared to be ok with it...but we agreed when we had kids I would stay home with them. Now that we do he has gone above and beyond to find ways to provide for our family and he is much happier for it.

Admittedly, I think looking back that I really did think less of him. It would have come out in how I treated him in the small ways I think. We fight a lot less now over stupid things and I find myself 10000 times more attracted to him.



> Now here's where the question gets tricky. What's my point of view on this? Years ago I would have said it's fine but now I'm not so sure. See I ended up quitting my job to be a homemaker. And within oh like days dh was so much happier being the provider. He admitted that he hated me making more money than him. I'm thinking it takes a very secure man to be with a high earning wife and I did not marry one of those. I was okay with it but he wasn't. If I ever do go back to work I'll make sure I never make more than him again even though I'm fully capable of it. I prefer him being happier and secure as the breadwinner. I'm a simple gal and money is just not that important. But having a happy husband is.


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## SadieBrown (Mar 16, 2011)

I've never been in a position where I made more than my husband, but I don't think it would bother me if I did.

My daughter makes a lot more than her husband, in fact she already makes more than twice what he does and she just accepted a new job offer that will raise her pay about 11 grand a year. 

Personally I don't see anything wrong with the woman making more, this is 2011 and gender roles are not as clear cut as they used to be. 

There are a lot of things that would and do make me mad about money but the me making more than my husband wouldn't bother me, things that do bother me are. . . .. 

A woman made to feel bad about earning more than her husband as if she did something wrong or needs to 'make up' for it somehow. In the case of my daughter she worked really hard and put herself though college so she deserves her paycheck and I think she should be proud of it. Her husband is not that much of a 'go-getter' as my daughter. But some people I know would prefer she hold herself back so as to not damage his male ego - that is not right.

Another thing that makes me mad about money in marriage is the spouse who earns more - be it the husband or wife - feel like they have the right to 'rule' over the family because they bring home more. Isn't marriage suppose to be share and share alike? I know couples where they follow the golden rule of "he who has the gold makes the rules". I don't believe in that at all.


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## Voiceofreason (Mar 6, 2011)

I wish my wife made more money than me--then we would really be on Easy Street! We could be retired by now. I would find other ways to feel manly than a comparison of paychecks.

I agree that any higher-earning spouse who exerts control over the finances as a result of being the high-earner is just awful. I make lots more than my dear hard working school teacher wife, but it all goes into "our" joint account. It is all _our _money...every cent of it...we are a joint venture of equal partners...period...


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## bunnybear (Jan 13, 2011)

I used to make more money than my hubby before we got married but this didn't bother me. Now, I make no money coz I stay at home to take care of our babies and this doesn't bother him. He wants me to stay home and even make more babies in the future. I like staying home with our kids rather than very busy working with no time for them and hubby so it works


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## themrs (Oct 16, 2009)

I make more money than my husband. That part of it doesn't bother me.

What bothers me is that he doesn't do as much around the house as I would like and it feels like I have to do EVERYTHING. . . bring home the bacon AND fry it in the pan. It's overwhelming.

I plan on leaving my job within the next couple of months and letting him provide for the family. Like others have said, I'd rather have less money and a happy home.


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## COGypsy (Aug 12, 2010)

I think it's all about interests. I personally LIKE working. I LIKED getting my degrees. I LIKE planning the next steps in my career and branching out that way. I NEED to have those kinds of goals and the rewards that come with it.

My husband on the other hand, is an electrical engineer, has a good job, he makes good money and is a hard worker, but he's perfectly happy having had the same job, doing the same thing for exactly 8 hours a day, for the last fifteen years and to keep doing it for another five until he's got enough years for his pension. No ambition whatsoever. He takes great pride in his job and the work he does, he just doesn't care about the promotions and "the ladder" the way I do.

That ends up working out well because I have no interest at all in "house stuff". If decorating our home were up to me, we'd probably have a giant TV, a soft couch, white walls and eat off TV trays. The kitchen would still be tricked out since I love to cook, but the rest of it....meh. I'm not a slob by any stretch, but given his OCD, he spends a LOT more time cleaning that I ever would and let's not even discuss yard work.... I CAN do all those things, but I just don't have the passion for nesting that he does. 

Our running joke has always been that I should hurry up and get another promotion or two so that he can take an early retirement and become a house husband. Since we make roughly the same amount now and I'm not quite 10 years younger than him, I guess it's not entirely out of the picture if I stick around.

Marriage is about playing to your strengths. He's certainly not weak, or beta or effeminate and I (don't think) am no ball buster, we just are better at different parts of the whole and I think we're both relieved that we have someone else to do the parts we're not as crazy about. Earning more or less--it ends up being a pretty fair trade to us!


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

I'd have problems with a man who was not secure enough to be comfortable with me making more. My ex and I earned roughly the same, but he used to make cracks about my "lousy paying job." He wanted to be a "kept man," I guess. I would not have had a problem with that IF he had contributed in other ways, but I won't tolerate criticism of my chosen career and earnings. I feel like, if you want more money, earn it yourself. And that goes for both men and women!


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## lime (Jul 3, 2010)

The actual income isn't really what matters; my SO and I have been students all our lives, and our earnings have fluctuated widely.

For me, it's the work ethic that's important. Seeing him laze around and not do anything--whether or not he's making money--is what I find unattractive, especially if I'm running around between my different jobs and class and being super busy. It also makes me worried for our future--I realize it's silly because we're both going to have pretty solid careers, but I do tend to freak out like "Ahhh I hope he doesn't get used to sitting around and doing nothing! He's going to have to go to work for 60+ hours/week in the future!" I get that it's different now htough since we're still in school so he technically works that amount when you include class. 

Also, when his income dips he tends to get REALLY frugal... And I'm somewhat of a spender  Nothing too bad, but I like to take a day trip once in a while or go out to eat. He wants to cut those things out first, which makes me really sad as those are some of my top spending priorities haha. Then I usually volunteer to pick up the slack and cover both of us, and he feels guilty. So it usually works out better when he's working reasonably hard and earning a reasonable amount--enough so that he feels comfortable spending.


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