# Is it worth...please help..



## bandy (Jul 18, 2012)

hi everyone....i was just browsing some topics over the internet and got to know about "The magic of making up" book or ebook....
Do anyone of you tried following this book....Is it really worth..

My hubby from the beginning wasnt in love with me...finally left me for some petty reason...when he left things got even worsened and he finally said he wanted a divorce...
I really dont see any future with him coz even though i change for him...he will not change for me...atleast he doesnt feel he has made some mistake in our relation or has hurted me ...since our separation all the chats we had...he was just stubborn on his decision ..that he is correct and is expecting me to accept my mistakes and failures and then say that he is right in everything possible...
point is i like him a lot...no matter how he treated me i never wished to separate from him....when i see his insensitivity towards me i get angry again...but that anger doesnt last for minutes even....
i dont know what is his intention...he hasnt filed ofr divorce may be avoiding that coz of his career plans or might be coz of alimony ..i dont know....nor he is changing his mind to be with me...he just left the decision to me..
all the months i tried calling him messaging him mailing him...when i found he moved on to some other country for his career...i felt really sad that he didnt even informed me about it...after that we had a chat and again he blamed me for things i havent done...and tried to convince me that this relation doesnt work...
even i stopped mailing now its been a month now...

I am just wondering if the 180 technique would work in my case...i am having a doubt whether it would convey my intention wrongly that i am not interested in him anymore..by moving on...
i really dont know what to do...i like him but i know he's not gonna change ...the thing which didnt happen in the years we were together how can i expect to happen after such bitter break up.....same time i am not able to see if i can be happy with him...just being with him gives a satisfaction that i am with the person i love apart from that i dont feel he ll do anything to make me happy....whenever he is in good mood he thinks something about me but even that is rare...we dont have kids even..atleast for their sake he might have thought to be with me...
I am spending all my time thinking about him...following him on facebook...searching for his information ...dont know how to control my thoughts....what to do with our separation...how to handle it..whether to be in touch with him or not to ..not knowing anything...please help...


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## synthetic (Jan 5, 2012)

I have read the "Magic of Making up"

I have done the 180 as well.

I have also been a severely codependent husband.

You are codependent. You need a period of little to no contact with your husband. Absolutely none unless it's a life-threatening emergency or is about your children (if you have children).

The 180 is a MUST, but also not enough. You need to start reading and learning about yourself. Take solace in the power of knowledge. It's healing.

Stop all contact with your husband NOW.


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## DjF (Nov 24, 2010)

What Synthetic said...and use the time to work on yourself...

Also, until your husband takes responsibility for his role in the failed relationship, there is no hope of getting back together, and why would you want that anyway??? Every bump in the road he would blame you for and run away again...


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## bandy (Jul 18, 2012)

Never ever he understands his role in our failed relation.
I dont know why would i want again a alife with him...may be i cannot be without him...
i know he doesnt cheat on me no matter what may happen...but somehow i got to know that he 's thinking of getting back to his ex who is also recently divorced....this is really hurting to know..how can he do that to me...i mean he hasnt yet been with her...but just waiting for things to clear between us...
I am feeling like asking him about it...i want to ask him if the news which i heard is true or not...i really cant imagine my STBXH going back to her....the thought is really killing me....when he got to know about relationships so much...what to do and what not to do in a relation...why isnt he thinking of giving another chance to our marriage....why is he thinking to love some other woman....But i am following the 180 rul of no contact....should i mail him or ask him about this...this is really killing me...until now i was thinking about our relation whether we can get back wht r the pros and cons...but i never expected he would think of being with someone or atleast be in contact with her...i really am hating him so much for giving me so much pain....
he just feels i am trying to get back him...and he doesnt want to get emotional and get into the mess again...his thinking has changed totally...he wants to love some other woman make her feel secure but not me...why?....i really cared for him and tried impressing him all the time when we were together....he never did anything to impress me or make me secure......here i am spending time thinking about him all the time and he is spending time thinking wheether to get back to his ex who is also available now...how disgusting....may be i am not having that maturity for my age...am i thinking childishly ...should i confront him about this ...if i dont confront and ask him about this i dont get my piece of mind...what to do....should i break the 180 and mail him just for this time....will it do any more harm to our relation..ofcourse there is nothing much left to even more harm our relation....


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## bandy (Jul 18, 2012)

thanks DjF and syntthetic for your inputs...thanks much!!


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## DjF (Nov 24, 2010)

Piece of mind comes from within, not someone else...no contact and start thinking positive, think stronger...once you can convince your mind to do it, the heart will follow...


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## Dadwithtwolittlegirls (Jul 23, 2012)

What was the reason he split from his former ex?


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## bandy (Jul 18, 2012)

I really dont know the exact reason behind his spilt with her...as far as i know the girl likes him a lot but left him due to some reasons known to her.....
knowing about the news...almost past 2 days i am feeling like i had spent them in hell...getting angry and frustrated for every small thing...i am avoiding all the people who are supporting me...dont know what has happened to me...just continuous run of thoughts about him....i am wondering if this is normal...i dont know if i am used to think about him rather than doing any useful stuff....
my heart strongly feels to have a chat with him about everything...this separation ..upto some point we were in touch but always used to end up in arguments....so he asked me not to contact him and distrub him...even i was hurt and i stopped contacting him...but i am not able to be like this ...without getting anything finaised between us...i am not knowing why he is putting me on hold...whether he is still thinking about me or whether he is seeing his survival ...i dont know....many times i ask him i get the same answer he cant be with me....
I am not able to concentrate on myself...these thoughts r killing me...i know he has hurted me with his cold behaviour but still my heart is longing for him...i feel like talking with him...once we have a chat...again i get disappointed knowing that he hasnt changed a bit...for few days i can be without thinking about him....but then again i feel like talking to him ...i call him get pissed off again...this cycle is continuing ...
I am the eldest in my family...i have to take responsibility of certain things ,help my parents ...act maturedly...but still i am not doing anything...i am just whiling away time....
Please someone advice me how to get out of this....I am not knowing what is exactly in my mind...i am getting indecisive about small things even....


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