# Driving the family car (minivan)



## iamscott (Jul 8, 2018)

Hello, I am Scott.. new here. 

So I had a situation today with my wife. For me, this has been an issue since we've been married.. It's the "battle" of who's going to drive.
My wife is not a good driver. She is way too aggressive, drives like a teenage boy, the list never ends on her bad driving habits that drives me NUTS. It hasn't been any secret that I do not want her driving when I'm in the same vehicle. 
Of course, I'm not perfect, but way more of a safe driver than her. Just came off of a 4 hour weekend road trip and the s..t hit the fan. 

I fear for the safety for my children as well as myself when she's behind the wheel. She says it's "her van", she should be able to drive it all of the time if she wants. Otherwise, I should let her drive my truck when she wants to. 

So the safety thing is the one thing that drives me over the edge on this topic. I mostly say ok to her whenever she wants to drive, I'm not any kind of controlling husband. 
One thing I point out is that her dad always drives whenever they are riding together, same with my parents, and really.. mostly everyone we know, the husband drives whenever the whole family is together.

Am I out of date? Does anyone else have issues in this department?


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## Luminous (Jan 14, 2018)

When you say the 's**t hit the fan', are you able to explain in what way?

Have you considered getting a dash cam so you can both sit down together and look at it (driving footage) when you aren't either driving, or arguing over it? 

I am not trying to say one is right and one is wrong, but if you are genuinely concerned for the safety of your kids, your wife needs to be made aware of your concerns, and the above is a possible way to do it when you are both calm and relaxed.

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## Randy Lafever (Jul 8, 2018)

I didn't even let my wife drive when I had a broken foot.


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## 23cm (Dec 3, 2016)

DRIVE YOUR TRUCK???!!!!

Not no, Hell No. 

My wife is a good driver, and she drives NONE of my cars. 

As for her crappy my-way-or-the-highway attitude, get her something a little sportier than the van.


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## Husband2016 (May 27, 2018)

iamscott said:


> Hello, I am Scott.. new here.
> 
> So I had a situation today with my wife. For me, this has been an issue since we've been married.. It's the "battle" of who's going to drive.
> My wife is not a good driver. She is way too aggressive, drives like a teenage boy, the list never ends on her bad driving habits that drives me NUTS. It hasn't been any secret that I do not want her driving when I'm in the same vehicle.
> ...


Out of date? It depends on what you mean. Should the father drive out of default? I’d say yes. 

However, between my wife and I, I drive generally speaking. I drive way more than she does. But do I have an issue with her driving? No. She’s safe with the kids. Does her license have more points than mine? Yes, but I’m still comfortable with her driving.


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## iamscott (Jul 8, 2018)

Luminous said:


> When you say the 's**t hit the fan', are you able to explain in what way?


So she had been driving this morning. We stopped for lunch. Walking back to the van, I told her that I would like to drive. She asked why. I told her without any attitude and in a way that wouldn't lead her to loosing it that I feel safe if I were driving and that her aggressive driving habits isn't something that we need on this trip. She then gave me the silent treatment and pouted. I asked a question that had nothing to do with any of this, and her answer indicated that she was clearly mad about this. 
I asked her what it is about my driving that she doesn't like, then the fireworks began. After a while, I just wanted this thing to end (me being pissed off, of course). I pulled over on the highway, walked around to switch places. She refused to get out, even after I unbuckled her belt. We both said some things we weren't wanting our kids to hear and our behavior to each other too. Was not a fun ride home. 




Luminous said:


> Have you considered getting a dash cam so you can both sit down together and look at it (driving footage) when you aren't either driving, or arguing over it?
> 
> I am not trying to say one is right and one is wrong, but if you are genuinely concerned for the safety of your kids, your wife needs to be made aware of your concerns, and the above is a possible way to do it when you are both calm and relaxed.
> 
> Sent from my HTC_M9u using Tapatalk


I have one, an Owl Cam. Yes it's all on video, will have to grab some footage. Even though I will begin the discussion calm, she won't sit through it. I'll give it a shot though.


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## iamscott (Jul 8, 2018)

23cm said:


> As for her crappy my-way-or-the-highway attitude, get her something a little sportier than the van.


The Chrysler Pacifica is what the wanted. It's fairly sporty. I don't want to encourage her anymore than what is already there. :|


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## iamscott (Jul 8, 2018)

Husband2016 said:


> Out of date? It depends on what you mean. Should the father drive out of default? I’d say yes.


Out of date, meaning.. Is this the way younger couples are doing this? Or, is this too old fashioned?
I truly feel like man/dad/husband of the house should be the one driving out of default, as you say. My situation is not just a "just because" situation, but I don't trust that she's not going to get a ticket, a wreck, or get us in a road rage situation. It sucks.. she doesn't see it. Even my kids talk about how crazy she drives. She always talks about if she's not driving and in the passenger seat, she gets nauseous. I call BS on that and that opens up a whole 'nuther can of worms.


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## Husband2016 (May 27, 2018)

Okay, I get this. My ex did the same
Thing. “I’m nauseous when you drive” BS. While I can understand some people do get sick when not behind the wheel, when it comes to my kids - I don’t care. My Safety and my children safety take precedence. If this takes a fight to remember/for the ages - so be it. 

As far as do younger couples do this? I’d still think the man of the situation drives.


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## Luminous (Jan 14, 2018)

Each situation is unique, however, for the longest time (including horse and cart days and beyond), the man was the driver. 

May have something to do with men generally having a better sense of direction, and better spacial awareness. Again, each situation being unique.

However, given what I have seen of ALOT of young women's aggressive tendencies driving these days, I would not let a woman drive unless she can prove herself. And not just in general traffic, but under duress.

'Anyone can hold the wheel of a ship when the seas are calm...' 

Have you ever considered doing a couples thing and going to some advanced driver training courses? Would improve both your skills and awareness, and you two can have fun together (hopefully) 

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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

Has she had a lot of accidents or other quantifiable things to say that she is a bad driver?

It should be OK to ask her to drive a little less aggressively because it makes you uncomfortable.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Jeez...there are actually lame 'mini vans' STILL out on the road?

Yeah, there was* nothing *sexier back in the 80's and 90's than seeing some guy all dressed for work driving his really cool mini van with the 3 baby seats in the back, trying to get my attention from the next lane as we sat in rush hour traffic. As *IF*. The only thing missing from that cool ride of his was a huge bumper sticker saying "My wife keeps my balls in her purse and makes me drive this embarrassing abomination out in public." 

You should just buy a real car, give her the mini van, and tell her it's *all* hers but she can only drive it when she's alone. Just be prepared for the insurance company to take their time cutting that $12.00 check to you when she eventually totals it.


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

uhtred said:


> Has she had a lot of accidents or other quantifiable things to say that she is a bad driver?
> 
> It should be OK to ask her to drive a little less aggressively because it makes you uncomfortable.


^^^this!

What are you using to base your opinion that she's a "bad" driver? 

I drive very fast and am a waaay more aggressive driver than my husband. I also drive more miles daily than my husband, haven't had an accident in 25 years compared to my husband's 3 in the last 10 years, and haven't had a speeding ticket in 15 years compared to my husband's at least 1 every couple of years (even while driving my car). Using quantifiable standards, I'm the better driver. 

He stopped calling me a bad driver years ago. Now he just says I'm too aggressive. I'll take aggressive driving if it means no accidents or tickets. 

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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

Lila said:


> uhtred said:
> 
> 
> > Has she had a lot of accidents or other quantifiable things to say that she is a bad driver?
> ...


 So basically you are a badd and dangerous driver to. You've just been lucky so far


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

personofinterest said:


> So basically you are a badd and dangerous driver to. You've just been lucky so far


Meh, bad is relative. If we use our opinions to judge each other's driving without a standard then we're probably all bad drivers. 

Luck may explain some of my lack of accidents or tickets but more than likely it's because I am hyper aware when I drive. It's not a casual experience for me. It's serious business especially in a city of 6 million people. 

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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

There's aggressive driving and stupid driving. Aggressive driving by itself is silly regardless of accident counts because it simply encourages more aggressive driving... If you have the right car not too bad I suspect but still silly if you have family along.

Mileage is irrelevant if you drive in Iowa. Drive 5 miles a day on the Ryan in Chicago and it's quite different. Last year with two college moves I probably drove 40k miles... 

Thankfully I drive a fairly decent vehicle for spirited driving.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

OP, is your wife's driving objectively dangerous? Or is your reaction to her driving a product of a marriage that is on shaky ground in other areas as well? If you don't respect her in general, you may be projecting that onto her driving. And she may be picking up on your lack of respect for her, or projecting her own lack of respect for you, and reacting negatively to that in her driving and her behavior when you scold her about it. Would she 'hear' your critiques of her driving more readily and with less animosity and defensiveness if the marriage overall were in better shape? 

And, you say the kids complain about her bad driving, but depending on their ages that might be more related to your marital dynamic than her actual behaviors. Are the children picking up on her unsafe driving, or on _Daddy's complaints and attitudes_ about Mommy's driving? If she's truly unsafe, are you truly willing to do _all_ the driving for your children from now on? If not, then perhaps she's not as reckless a driver as your current perception might indicate? 

My SO and I share the driving. He generally drives if we're in one of his cars, and I generally drive if we're in mine. But we are also just fine with the other driving our vehicles. I drove us, in his truck, to pick up house project supplies last week. We went on a day trip this weekend in his new RS5 (damn nice car, by the way!), and he drove there, while I drove back. Yesterday, he drove us in my Jeep to run errands around town. We're both very capable and experienced drivers, love cars and driving, and we can both be somewhat aggressive with it. But neither of us is what the other considers unsafe in any way. And both of us would say that an insistence that the man always drive is pretty old-fashioned and out of date with modern reality. We are both in our 40s, by the way.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

I drive. Her choice and mine, usually. She did give me some guff when I bought a manual transmission recently, because she doesn't know how to drive stick. I offered to teach her, but she doesn't want to learn. Suits me. My car is mine.


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## I shouldnthave (Apr 11, 2018)

Kinda mind blown by some of the comments here..... Thank goodness I have over come my womanly lack of spacial skills and can drive competently.

I do most of the driving between my husband and I. Both of us have excellent driving records. No accidents since teen years, no tickets etc.

He drives more for work, and I simply enjoy driving, so I often take the wheel when we are together.

All my cars have manual transmissions. I have a fair bit of track and spirited mountain driving experience (in addition to driving trucks and pulling either horse trailers or car haulers). Day to day driving I am not agressive, but do drive defensively, which means sometimes being decisive.

And FYI, most studies show that any gender differences in spacial skills assessments can be traced to nuture reasons - rather than nature - women are not inheritently less skilled, they may have simply been raised in a way that has hindered their skills. I grew up wrenching on cars with my dad - he taught me about driving every single time we rode in car (always explaining what he is doing, and why he is doing it).

I am a better driver than many men, because I was raised by someone who raced cars, and taught me everything he knows. Nuture, not nature.


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## TheDudeLebowski (Oct 10, 2017)

Some of these comments are silly. I probably drive the family around 70% of the time. When my wife wants to drive, she hops in the drivers seat and I go around to shotgun. No big deal. She has the family car, but she hauls a lot of stuff around for work too and needs the space. I have a small little gas sipping hatchback. I always drive manual transmission cars. She can drive them, but doesn't like to. So she rarely drives my car at all. I'll borrow her Grand Cherokee if I need to pick up bulky stuff that wont fit in my car. Other than that, we don't really drive each other's cars. 

Although I do highly enjoy her car. It has a way better sound system and the cooling seats in this Texas heat is really a nice feature!


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## Randy Lafever (Jul 8, 2018)

I shouldnthave said:


> And FYI, most studies show that any gender differences in spacial skills assessments can be traced to nuture reasons - rather than nature - women are not inheritently less skilled, they may have simply been raised in a way that has hindered their skills.


Solution: Teach girls how to do these things so they develop such abilities. But you can't ignore the current crop of adult women not so fortunate who are slightly impaired.


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## I shouldnthave (Apr 11, 2018)

Randy Lafever said:


> Solution: Teach girls how to do these things so they develop such abilities. But you can't ignore the current crop of adult women not so fortunate who are slightly impaired.


I wonder if the OP has any daughters.....(if so, now is his moment) 

While I agree, we need to understand that girls are just as capable, and we need to teach and demonstrate to them that these are skills that the should have - that there is nothing inherently allows a man to be a better driver - teaching good driving makes better drivers. 

As for the "current crop of women" - I tend to run in different circles. Many of my female friends are STEM professionals, and it is surprising how many are driving enthusiasts - I think it goes hand in hand with being raised to believe they were "capable". And my other circle of female friends comes from horse back riding - these ladies drive big trucks and haul heavy rigs. I know a few with class A licenses. 

So all and all - when it comes to women being bad drivers, its more folklore than what I see in the women around me (granted, they are for the most part, not the soccer mom, mini van driving set- more like dully trucks and porches).


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## Proverbs21:19 (Jul 5, 2018)

lol scariest thing is she wants to drive when she's pissed.

she thinks she's a great driver, yet drifts into other lanes, tailgates, argues, uses the wayze app on her phone ALWAYS, and has a lot of speeding tickets.......oh, did I mention her accidentally sending our cocker spaniel out the window doing 40mph. lucky it lived, and I warned her 20 times before it happened!


yet, I am the scary driver according to her and her mom. lol yes, I may be more aggressive, but I AM PAYING ATTENTION!!~!


I let her drive some, but never on a holday or when its really bad.


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## ChargingCharlie (Nov 14, 2012)

My wife is like that - aggressive, road rage, says every other drive in the road is a d-bag (of course, she's a perfect driver, even when she's in the wrong lane). I hate having her ride in the car with me, let alone driving.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

I drive 99% of the time. Reason being, I love to drive and my W has no sense of direction. She prefers it. However, if I ask my W to drive if I'm tired she will. I have no issue with my W driving. 

Me as a driver need to make my passengers feel comfortable. If they are not comfortable with my driving I ask what it is I'm doing that makes them feel uncomfortable and correct it. If your W is aggressive and displaying road rage she needs to seek anger management courses. Involving others on ones nonsense behind the wheel is wrong. It is all fun and games until people are hurt.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Randy Lafever said:


> Solution: Teach girls how to do these things so they develop such abilities. But you can't ignore the current crop of adult women not so fortunate who are slightly impaired.


I've mentioned this before... My experience in very objective and very measurable testing on a multi million dollar automotive simulator was that there are gender, age, and ethnicity differences in driving performance. 

Granted, only a couple hundred subjects but a dozen or so made me very nervous


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

john117 said:


> I've mentioned this before... My experience in very objective and very measurable testing on a multi million dollar automotive simulator was that there are gender, age, and ethnicity differences in driving performance.
> 
> Granted, only a couple hundred subjects but a dozen or so made me very nervous


I do not doubt you at all. It is what it is, no matter what we might prefer to think. There is a mountain of research about men vs women's spatial reasoning, etc. All situations have outliers, but outliers don't make the rule.

Telling the truth about driving and gender is not some anti-feminist plot. It's just verifiable and repeatable evidence based fact.


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## kag123 (Feb 6, 2012)

I don't think I could handle being in the car with someone who had road rage to the point that you are describing it. 

I'm the wife and I always drive everywhere we go, only because I get car sick easily. If I am not driving, I have to take enough medication to pass out for awhile otherwise I am sick for the rest of the day. 

My husband doesn't have road rage but his style of driving makes me particularly sick. He likes to tailgate and is constantly tapping the brakes when he gets too close to the car in front of him. He also dislikes using his turn signal and will change lanes very suddenly. So... for someone who gets car sick...it turns out to be a very jerky ride. Back and forth with the brake tapping and sudden jerks to the left and right. 

There are occasions on long trips where I am dead tired and I ask to switch so I can rest. A couple of weeks ago we tried it and despite trying to sleep while he drove, the jerky movement was making me sick. 45 minutes into it and I had to switch back to driving before I spent the rest of my evening with my head out the window.

I don't know if he has an opinion on whether he "should" be the one driving since he's the man but I don't think he's going to take a stand on it, even if he does, considering our circumstances of me getting sick. I'm definitely not going to claim I'm the best driver... I'm sure I have my flaws. 

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## Luminous (Jan 14, 2018)

I shouldnthave said:


> I wonder if the OP has any daughters.....(if so, now is his moment)
> 
> While I agree, we need to understand that girls are just as capable, and we need to teach and demonstrate to them that these are skills that the should have - that there is nothing inherently allows a man to be a better driver - teaching good driving makes better drivers.
> 
> ...


You are an exception to this, and I do wish more women (and men) had your experiences and attitude. 

Part of what I have seen when watching other drivers, is that they do not 'feel' the other drivers around them, watch their 'driving language', and above all, stop messing with their damn mobile/cell phone whilst driving.

I am a self employed tradesman, so I drive a fair bit on a day to day basis, and over here in Australia, the amount of aggressive drivers who will drive within a car length or so of your rear bumper, whilst doing 80kph (50mph) or more is astounding. Some of them are men, some are old, and some are just jerks, however over the past 15 years there has been an alarming increase in young women in small hatch back cars driving aggressively. They constantly cut in front of people with no regard for a safe breaking distance, have no idea about how much more space a truck/heavy vehicle needs than a car, and flip you the bird half the time when you call them out on their bad behaviour.

There used to be the joke here about 'Mercedes/BMW' Drivers being a particular type of driver (i.e. bloody shocking), now it is either Soccer Mums in SUV's or young women in buzz boxes.

I believe it comes back to attitude, and these days with societies attitude of 'what's in it for me' it reflects an entitled outlook that everyone needs to get out of the way because I have something more important to do than you.


p.s apologies for going slightly OT



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## I shouldnthave (Apr 11, 2018)

john117 said:


> I've mentioned this before... My experience in very objective and very measurable testing on a multi million dollar automotive simulator was that there are gender, age, and *ethnicity* differences in driving performance.
> 
> Granted, only a couple hundred subjects but a dozen or so made me very nervous





personofinterest said:


> I do not doubt you at all. It is what it is, no matter what we might prefer to think. *There is a mountain of research about men vs women's spatial reasonin*g, etc. All situations have outliers, but outliers don't make the rule.
> 
> Telling the truth about driving and gender is not some anti-feminist plot. It's just verifiable and repeatable evidence based fact.


I give to you both - these are facts. There are measurable differences. 

Now, the real question is, WHY. The testing equipment does not tell you WHY. That is where social sciences come in. 

Do you believe some ethnicities have inferior brains when it comes to driving, or maybe perhaps they come from cultures that were not so car-centric?

Its is it NATURE or NURTURE? 

I agree, spacial tests, men tend to do better - but once you control for nurture, the significant figures fade. 

And I am an outlier, I score extremely well on spacial tests (so much so, that when I was young, they re-tested me, as the results seemed improbable) - but I question is that just because I am "weird for a girl" or because I was raised as a bit of a tom boy? Doing the "guy things" with the guys? Was I drawn to those things because my brain is different, or is the fact I was exposed to those things at a young age which increased by spacial skills?


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

john117 said:


> I've mentioned this before... My experience in very objective and very measurable testing on a multi million dollar automotive simulator was that there are gender, age, and *ethnicity* differences in driving performance


Is the stereotype true?

My wife, who only learned to drive at 30, and I drive very differently. In order to avoid a collision I’ll generally proactively occupy the space while she will avoid the space. We drive each other nuts. I get nervous when she slows down too much IMO and she thinks I don’t see the other car and wonders why I don’t slam on the brakes. Different styles but both accident free.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Let's just say that Americans did a lot better best predictor was years of experience driving in the USA. For the same years men did slightly better than women.


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## I shouldnthave (Apr 11, 2018)

john117 said:


> Let's just say that Americans did a lot better best predictor was years of experience driving in the USA. For the same years men did slightly better than women.


And is there a culture on Earth that has been so closely tied to the automobile?

Americans are car crazy. Our cities have been designed around them, our lives (and commutes) formed by them. The car has been a central part of the American dream for quite some time.

It's absolutely no surprise Americans would fare better, on a whole, when driving skills are measured. It's not because we are born with different brains, it's due to our culture and collective experience.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Except that the tests were not very sophisticated... In the most glaring one all you had to do is drive a freaking straight line (primary task) while doing a secondary task (say, press a button on our product). Granted, a lot of it is experience, but a part is innate.


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## I shouldnthave (Apr 11, 2018)

john117 said:


> Granted, a lot of it is experience, but a part is innate.


But it is that experience that makes the task appear innate. 

I grew up riding horses, it's second nature to me. I can ride a buck, anticipate a spin, do all sorts of things that wouldn't come naturally to someone that doesn't have 35 years of riding experience, what appears to be an inate skill, is actually the result of experience.

Same goes for driving a stick shift, I don't even have to think about it, it's innate because of my experience - although when I drive rental cars, I find my left foot looking for the clutch pedal - my brain knows I am driving an automatic - but I still have that muscle memory, experience which has turned things into habit.

If you plucked a baby out of a "non car culture" society, and let my dad raise it, that kid would grow up to be a good driver. 

Driving is a learned skill, one that has a fair amount of collective knowledge behind it. You are going to see a difference between a first generation driver, and a fourth generation driver.

Sure we all have our God given talents, but I am not going to believe any one group is genetically superior when it comes to driving. Culturally yes, genetically? No way (I don't believe groups are genetically superior or inferior).


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Innate mostly from a cultural standpoint. Not a genetic one. 

To them, driving is a chore that shall be performed with as few CPU cycles as possible. Or, they didn't care for the test and wanted the $20 Starbucks gift card. Or didn't understand the directions. 

Apologies for stereotypes but the findings were remarkable. Unfortunately can't publish anything but it was quite fun. 

Driving is a learned skill but the attitude one takes towards driving is engrained into them from culture. I thought I'm a good driver but a week driving DD1's Fiat 500 in an urban area has me frazzled. I'm conditioned towards suburban driving and urban driving is quite different, mostly in attitude towards others and towards acceptable risks


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

The one tip that my mother drilled into my head is the following:

Do not tailgate!

My father always drove. My mother did not like driving.


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## AKA Broken Arrow (Feb 19, 2016)

Fozzy said:


> I drive. Her choice and mine, usually. She did give me some guff when I bought a manual transmission recently, because she doesn't know how to drive stick. I offered to teach her, but she doesn't want to learn. Suits me. My car is mine.


Same here. She wasn't happy about it but it's my car after all. I offered to teach her (again).

I'm always driving when we all go out, usually in her car.


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## bluelily (Jul 10, 2018)

Father did, Mom is very easily distracted with things and once hit someone's fence


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## Haiku (Apr 9, 2014)

I used to drive a van and put the kid clear in the back. And when she’d get loud or fussy I’d shoot her with a dart gun and tell her to “calm down!”


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## Justinian (Mar 7, 2015)

Lila said:


> ... I drive very fast and am a waaay more aggressive driver than my husband ...


This is the case for us as well. My wife likes to drive very fast and sometimes scares me. If I ask her to slow down, she will. 

I don't know how she does it, but no tickets or accidents in decades, for either of us.

When we travel deciding who drives is easy. We both have pretty nice SUVs, and we always drive our own cars. Mine is larger (huge), so if we have a lot of luggage or cargo we take mine and I drive. Hers is smaller and more sporty (bi-turbo Mercedes), if we're traveling light we take her car, and get there faster.

Oh, and she's never asked to drive my truck, and I hope she never does.


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## SarcasticRed (Feb 21, 2018)

Some of these comments here astound me. If my husband spoke to me that way, there would be a major issue. They are making me appreciate my husband a lot. 

He has more speeding tickets and has been pulled over WAY more (talked his way out of a bunch of tickets). As teens, he totaled a car going around a curve too fast and was lucky he wasn't hurt, I tapped a bumper. He weaves in and out of traffic at times. He goes too fast for my liking. He does way less of the driving that makes me anxious since I told him I didn't like it...at least when I'm with him and generally is a good driver.

I dislike driving and so he drives most of the time when we are together. We usually take "my" car but it is my car in that I pay for the upkeep (we keep the bulk of our money separate for our own reasons). He is on the title. On windy roads, I will sometimes drive because I get carsick (if he called "BS" on that...there would be an argument FOR SURE). Overall, I feel comfortable with him driving but there are times I prefer to drive. He would like me to drive his truck more but I'm not comfortable with that. It isn't a huge deal as we take my car unless there is a need for the truck. I've driven it enough that in an emergency I would be okay. The big truck is helpful so I deal with not driving it. Plus, I like a guy with a truck :grin2:

Culturally, men are expected to drive more and therefore get more practice and are encouraged to drive more. In my opinion, (with most people) the more you drive, the better driver you are so if you want your wife to be a better driver, have her drive more.


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## UpsideDownWorld11 (Feb 14, 2018)

My XW (female dog) was very controlling and so it became that the female dog always had to drive unless it was a long road trip. Anyways, I always felt emasculated by it. I kept telling her to put her dk away, but to no avail. Anyways I didn't stand up for myself, let her run the show and became super beta. So, it's not surprising she ended our marriage riding the D Carousel. Live and learn.

My view now is with my GF is that she can only drive me if I agree to wear a skirt and shove a tampon in my man-gina. I dont think she has any interest in seeing that and besides she would rather I drive her.


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## DustyDog (Jul 12, 2016)

iamscott said:


> Hello, I am Scott.. new here.
> 
> So I had a situation today with my wife. For me, this has been an issue since we've been married.. It's the "battle" of who's going to drive.
> My wife is not a good driver. She is way too aggressive, drives like a teenage boy, the list never ends on her bad driving habits that drives me NUTS. It hasn't been any secret that I do not want her driving when I'm in the same vehicle.
> ...



Unless she has an actual record of accidents or tickets, your perception of her style is not important, nor indicative of safety.

My GF has a very abrupt driving style, but she's also quicker to react than I am if someone else makes an error. I do the driving on long trips because she admits it makes her anxious, however, neither of us will drive more than two hours without a 30 minute break, since that's what's been determined to be the max a person ought drive.


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## BarbedFenceRider (Mar 30, 2018)

Hahahaha... Some of these posts are funny. But as for me, I do ALOT of the driving because the wife makes me. Seriously, she rather ride shotgun and play games on her phone than drive.

But I don't have a problem letting her drive. When we cross into Mexico, I let her drive. A) she knows the way since she lived there B) she can handle the aggressive stupid drivers better. C) If she wrecks, it's on her and I don't get yelled at. lol

But in all, our history is shown that we both drive and we both hate long distances. The one thing we BOTH agree with is that texting while driving is RETARDED! And we both look out for it.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

I shouldnthave said:


> I give to you both - these are facts. There are measurable differences.
> 
> Now, the real question is, WHY. The testing equipment does not tell you WHY. That is where social sciences come in.
> 
> ...


My daughters are two years apart, raised in exactly the same environment, and have widely different spacial abilities. 

D1 is more of what we would call a traditional girl with regard to spacial abilities (or lack thereof).

I have always had tremendous spacial acuity by any measure, and I daresay D2 surpasses me (as my mother may have as well). 

Both daughters are very much into a few traditionally male dominated things. They do hard core, fully self supported wilderness backpacking. I am an expert skier, and they can ski circles around me, whether it's hucking cliffs in the middle of 50 degree slopes or dancing through an absurdly challenging mogul field, they leave me in their white dust. 

We raised them to be assertive and to ignore any predetermined gender roles and they have done that. And we also got them involved in a wide variety of activities from a very young age, including those that would promote spacial ability. But the thing is, D2 didn't need any such training... she just had it naturally; and D1 just wasn't ever really going to get it beyond a basic competence level. The irony is D1 is the one now pursuing a STEM PhD. 

So who's the outlier? Impossible to say at this time. Give us another generation of girls being treated as equals and then maybe I'll be ready to choose a side.


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## Average Joe (Sep 2, 2015)

Driving issues really compounded the problems in my last marriage. My wife was a complete maniac on the road ... tailgating, stopping short (hmmm because of he tailgating maybe?), constantly hitting potholes (hmmm maybe because of the tailgating and not being able to plan where to place the car?), speeding, blaring Top-40 garbage music, drifting into oncoming traffic, NO turn signals, ever. 

We operated at different velocities, in many ways. But on the road, our differences were crystal clear. She said my driving (perfect driving record, age 48) made her nauseous, so she always insisted on driving. I'd be beside her, constantly putting on my pretend "brakes," gasping (not on purpose), avoiding comments at all cost. Our therapist recommended that I ride in the back seat, and let one of our teenagers ride up front. THAT didn't work. I was the adult in the back seat with the "problem." Nice. Bye bye marriage (granted, for a host of reasons)!

Now I seem to be going down the same road with my current wife (of about a year). She likes driving but HATES traffic (isn't traffic a given, always, everywhere these days?), everybody is a d-bag, "IS IT A FULL MOON TONIGHT???", every driver's move is a personal affront, speeding, tailgating, hitting every pothole (of course), hogging the left lane. She and her two young daughters enjoy making fun of my driving (my totally innocuous but sensible driving). And yeah, if I'm driving, we'll probably be getting there a few minutes later (and should probably have left at the time I carefully estimated before the trip).

We both drive new hybrids, with similar commutes, yet she wonders why she isn't getting the mileage that she should be getting. Hers is the SUV though, and is a LOT bigger and nicer. She refuses to let me behind the wheel of her beautiful baby. So she's always gonna be driving on family trips.

Wife is smart enough (PhD) but OmG, when you tailgate someone, THEY WILL GO SLOWER. THEY REALLY WILL. ALWAYS. Their bumper sticker even TELLS you that they will. It's the ******* power grab, now and forever. So don't ride someone's a$$. 

Why is it so hard to comprehend, and admit, that when I'M driving, there is almost NO drama on the road? 

Anyway, no real point to this. Just chiming in to relate that driving is a big emotional thing ... not to be minimized. And not to be fully understood I guess, perhaps ever.


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## Sbrown (Jul 29, 2012)

For a few years my wife drove most places because I couldn't get her to shut up. "Why don't you pass this guy." "That lanes open." "Speed up you can run 5/10 over." Etc... Finally my fil asked about why I let her drive, my response of "Because she doesn't know how to shut up. And it's just not worth the hassle." Made her do a double take. 

When she drives I bring a book or my phone. 

She likes big trucks/SUV's and I know why, she thinks she can run over stuff and it won't hurt them. One day she came home in my 4x4 dually with someone's plastic trash can trapped under it. Her response was "it blew into the road, I couldn't get it out by myself."

Once she ran over a curb, I'm not talking she glanced off it with the side wall, (which she does constantly) ran it over with all four wheels to get to the carwash. When I looked at her she said "what?" As if it was the total normal thing to do. 

She called me once saying she had a flat on the Mercedes so I show up at home and the entire side wall of the tire is destroyed. I ask how far she drove it like that. "Oh not far, I may have hit a curb." Me: "What curb?." Her: "That one." as she points to the curb on the opposite side of the street. I kinda flipped out on that one it was a 350$+ tire that only Mercedes stocked. 

But if you ask her she's a fantastic driver, she has a perfect driving record. 

Sent from my Moto Z (2) using Tapatalk


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## Average Joe (Sep 2, 2015)

Oh, and yelling "WEEEEEEEEEEEEE" every time you take a curve too fast, over and over and over, with the kids in the back, is not fun or cool, BTdubs ... 

Everything else is really good. Exceptionally good. But driving is slowly killing us.

My ex didn't notice or care if I read or d!cked around on my phone, but my current wife KNOWS that it's a sign of disengagement and becomes enraged, and cannot accept the reason why I'm doing it.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Although I voted, and I drive on family outings, I'm not going to comment 😊. This is a quagmire I'm "walking around".

However.....I will comment my W is a good driver and has a better record than I overall. As a couple gets older there's sometimes less bickering when driving. 

Regarding total miles driven....I estimate I've driven minimum 3 times the miles though. For totally useless data 😎. I traveled a lot for work, for a number of years.

*but, W is definitely a good driver. Thank God.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

If it hasn't been said already at least in the US teenage boys are the highest cost to insure. Higher than young ladies.


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## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> If it hasn't been said already at least in the US teenage boys are the highest cost to insure. Higher than young ladies.


My 19ys son is learning to.drive. I can't teach him and my H tried but he said told my son to take lesson and we will pay. He thinks driving is easy because he drives on xbox.🤣

I wonder what our insurance will coat when he is added on it. The girl was not too much and she is now 21. Maybe, i should just let him wait for his license because he never needs to drive in NYC.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> If it hasn't been said already at least in the US teenage boys are the highest cost to insure. Higher than young ladies.


Oh, boy, are they ever expensive to insure! I'm in the process right now of getting my 18-year-old son a new-to-him vehicle to take to college. His 18 year old truck just isn't reliable, isn't particularly safe, and has been beaten all to hell by the 4 teen boys and my ex-husband who have owned it. He wanted a used Mustang. Even in the lower-end 6-cylinder model, the insurance quote made me laugh hysterically. 

So, we're currently looking at an Altima or a Sonata, maybe a Jetta. Something with a next-to-useless engine, good fuel economy and four doors. He'll hate driving it after his big V-8 pickup, but at least I will be able to afford to both cover the insurance and eat.


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## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

Rowan said:


> Ragnar Ragnasson said:
> 
> 
> > If it hasn't been said already at least in the US teenage boys are the highest cost to insure. Higher than young ladies.
> ...


I know what you mean. I figure we will get the boy a nice car to drive to school. The train by us is expected to be out of service from next year to 2020/21. The bus will take over 1 hour in what is now a 15 to 20 mins ride. I looked at Honda and Mazda and they have some nice cars for young men. So we'll see what happens to the insurance before we buy anything for him.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

Rowan said:


> Oh, boy, are they ever expensive to insure! I'm in the process right now of getting my 18-year-old son a new-to-him vehicle to take to college. His 18 year old truck just isn't reliable, isn't particularly safe, and has been beaten all to hell by the 4 teen boys and my ex-husband who have owned it. He wanted a used Mustang. Even in the lower-end 6-cylinder model, the insurance quote made me laugh hysterically.
> 
> So, we're currently looking at an Altima or a Sonata, maybe a Jetta. Something with a next-to-useless engine, good fuel economy and four doors. He'll hate driving it after his big V-8 pickup, but at least I will be able to afford to both cover the insurance and eat.


Here's a mostly unrelated anecdote
When I was 19, I totaled my runabout while at college. So the hunt was on for a new car I could afford. My dad had the same thought process as you... let's just find a gutless wonder the boy can't hurt himself in. 

Weeks went by with no luck. It was during a spike in gas prices and anything with good mileage was selling at a premium. There just weren't any weak little buggies I could afford. 

Then one night dad called me and said it'd be a good weekend to catch a bus home as he thought he'd found a car I could afford. That saturday, we go to a county auction where the sheriff was auctioning off three used cruisers. Dad was buddies with one of the garage mechanics, so he knew which one was in the best condition, and got them to auction that one last, knowing the last to go would sell for the least. 

So, for a mere 800 clams, I scored a 1973 Plymouth Custom Satellite with a 383 Police Interceptor engine, anti-sway suspension... the works. It was a "plain brown wrapper" (no police markings, but it did have the spotlights by the rear view mirrors. Best of all worlds.

And anything but gutless >
I think I might have broken the sound barrier on a straight, rural road on the way to visit my girlfriend (now wife).


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## PigglyWiggly (May 1, 2018)

I almost always do the driving. My wife is an aggressive driver while I am a defensive driver. She does not enjoy driving at all and never has. The ironic part is I have always driven some fast cars (300-1000rwhp) while she has not. She's never owned anything bigger than a v6 but has 3 tickets on her license while I've had none in 15 years. I really think the tickets are because she is really unaware of her surroundings....just tunnel vision forward.


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## Sbrown (Jul 29, 2012)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> If it hasn't been said already at least in the US teenage boys are the highest cost to insure. Higher than young ladies.


Thankfully now days you can tell the insurance company they've decided to be a girl and save a bundle. 

Sent from my Moto Z (2) using Tapatalk


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Ha! Good one....get the PC groups in the world up in arms.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

There was a time when Mrs. N did the bulk of the driving. It was back in the mini van years. I only drove in the winter. DW had grown up with a controlling dad who didn't allow her to drive on snow. Experience eventually made her a very competent driver. She has a bit of a lead foot and hogs the left lane. I on the other hand have the road rage problem. My sidekick has been working with me on that for 6 months or so. Now if you see me raise my diet Pepsi to you as you pass, It probably means you just did something stupid or dangerous. 

We have his and hers vehicles, and that often determines the driver. She has no trouble driving the Truck if I'm tired. I hated driving her Hyundai, but it is gone now. Totaled by other party when DD3 was driving it. DW's new care is much more comfortable, and someday she will let me drive it. We've kind of been all over the map on the who drives question. It took 2 vehicles with standard transmissions to get me back to enjoying driving. Of my kids the son is the better driver. I believe it is mostly because he used a plug in driving monitor for six months (provided by my insurer.) He refused to have the results emailed to me, which I was alright with as long as he picked an adult to go over the data with. It told him when he accelerated or decelerated to sharply. the data was good feedback and he is a very smooth driver.

I have one Daughter who decided not to drive but may choose to in the next 5 years. She probably has discalcula which is a learning disability similar to dyslexia. One of it's effects is trouble with directions. Easy for her to get lost.


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## thefam (Sep 9, 2014)

My husband prefers to drive and I don't mind that at all. He is kind of leery of my driving. He is an excellent driver, not too aggressive probably because he has a few episodes of being pulled over for DWB a couple of which were quite scary.

I think I'm a very good driver also but I don't think my husband has confidence in me handling his SUV because it's so big.


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## mrsluvmyhub (Nov 28, 2016)

Hubby always drives when we're together or with the whole family. I don't think we ever discussed it even. It's just what happens. We both prefer it like that, so never been an issue. One plus to marrying young perhaps. I hade my licence before he did.


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