# Need Some Advice Here (HELP!!!)



## xenus7850 (Mar 26, 2013)

I know that I am going to get blasted when I tell my story here, just looking for any outlooks that would be different from mine or anyone that may have been able to overcome something similar.

I have been with the same girl since college, we have been together for about 20 years, with a 5 year break from 2002-2007. The break was caused because we had grown apart, so was always running, hanging with her friends, never wanted to do anything, etc., etc.

We kept in touch those 5 years, talking a few times a week and talked about reconciling. I had moved out of the state and had put my life together. About 3 months after our split, she butt dialed me on her cell while with with one of her friends. This friend was having an affair on her husband and this is when her friend asked my girlfriend if she was still carrying on with her business partner Cliff. My girlfriend stated not really, we have kind of called it quits.

Cliff is someone that my girlfriend used to work with back in 1998, but the 2 have remand friends and even went into business together. At the time they were working together, he was married. I was furious to learn this, but swallowed that was why we grew apart and I had left her already and was well on my way to rebuilding my life without here.

In 2007 we reconciled, I never really brought the Cliff thing up again and decided the only way to start was to start clean. She was still in business with Cliff. So I swallowed that and moved forward. 

From 2007 thru now, things have not been great, but not good anymore. She has family and friends that live about 3 hours from us and she would go out there often and stay the weekend or so she said. Turns out that the two of them were having an affair again and it has been ongoing for the last year or so. Most times that she told me she was staying with her friends out of town, on business out of town, appointments, etc., she was with him at his house. An average of 2-3 nights a week for the last year.

I caught here in so many lies over the last year, that I am the dumbass for not realizing the truth from fiction. I always wanted to see the best in here, always belive the improbable as long as there was some possibility that what she was telling me was the truth. 

Over the last year on several occasions I had confronted here about our relationship and even stated that maybe we should end it and it was always I love, don't go, I will do better, etc., etc., but she never did anything, it just got worse.

Now the bombshell, a friend of hers is a travel agent and she told me that she had an extra ticket / vacation to Costa Rica and wanted her to go. My girlfriend dropped this on me 3 days before the trip. offered to go with them, pay out of pocket, pay premium for last minute and she just said that she needed a break from work, stress release and it was just the two of them and she wanted girl time.

She went with Cliff and did not call me the whole time. She called here parents to tell me that she was ok and that she was having problems making out of the country calls which is why she had not called.

Now the good part, prior to the trip, for about 2 weeks before the trip, I had learned everything, but kept quite and played along. I wanted to see the lies first hand, wanted to see how much, how often she would lie to me. I knew everything, I mean everything for about three weeks, where she was, who she was with, text messages, phone calls, etc., etc. 

I was shocked at the depths of here lies, the disrespect, the disloyalty, etc. etc. She has a side to here that I never saw before or did not want to see. This is the second time I know for sure that she has had an ongoing affair, I am pretty sure that she has had these types of issue for about the last 17 years.

She has and has always had a self esteem issue, always wanting to be liked, to be hit on, to be looked up to, cared what others thought, etc.

She was finally confronted, she initially denied it, but the evidence was well beyond lies now. We have not been close or as husband and wife for about 6 months. She was very upset and I did some things to hurt her as well, which I will not mention, but nothing bad or illegal, just enough to have here feel what I was feeling, no I did not go cheat either. In short, I betrayed her trust in an area in which she trusted me.

I have started packing my stuff and planning on moving for work out of state. She now has come to be on 4 occasions wanting to really give our relationship another try, a real try. While my heart wants to, we have a great life, I don't think I can. I think I could have moved past a one night stand, but an ongoing affair, two separate times, with the same guy, the lies, disrespects, etc.

In addition, her mom and dad knew. I am extremely close with her parents, I love them as much as my own and the love me like their son, or at least I thought they did. I understand that they were in a tough spot, but they have known for the last 6 month and kind of covered for her while she was on vacation with Cliff.

As tough as it is, I plan on starting my life over again, relocating for work to a city were I don't know anyone and rebuild. Part of me wants to try again though. I don't know if I love her or the idea of what we could have been and the opportunities that we now be missed. We could have had a beautiful life together with everything that we would want, is that what I love or here, or both, I don't know. 

Here is my question, does anyone here think that it is possible that someone like this could actually change, that we could rebuild, that we could find long-term happiness. I don't see it, I want to, but how is it possible. Putting the affair aside and say that I could get past that. 

The level on disrespect, the length of the lie, having mom and dad part of the lies, choosing him over me on countless occasions, etc.

Anyone ever overcome more and been successful? She says that she wants to try and that she will try, but I know or believe that the commitment that it would take on her part is beyond what she can give. I see it that I would be wasting more years of my life. 

BTW, we have no kids. Anyone think that there is a way out for us or should I pack, move and leave this girl in my rearview mirror and never talk with her again?


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## Grayson (Oct 28, 2010)

In a word: Go!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ody360 (Feb 1, 2013)

Yeah you need to go. If you feel like you are emotional checked out and are able to make this move freely, there is no doubt you should go. 2 Affairs you were 2nd priority and parents even were involved. Tell her to have a good life with cliff and sure her that he will take care of her. Move on.. sorry that you are going through this, go find someone who is worth it.


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## BjornFree (Aug 16, 2012)

Thank your lucky stars that you didn't have kids with her and leave like a Boss. You forgive her now and ten, twenty years down when you have kids you'll regret not leaving her when you find out that she's been cheating throughout.


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## Broken..ForNow (Mar 20, 2013)

=*( I would run..but I'm still sticking around so...I'm great for giving good advice tough.. my head tell's me you better go and not look back..


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## verpin zal (Feb 23, 2013)

...and parents covering for wayward daughter? What's that, triple humiliation?

Save yourself good sir. Just run. Run away from these people, let her be used by someone else and start your life anew.

Don't look back.


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

Frankly, I don't see her not cheating again. Not as you describe her and not with how you handled things with her before.

I'm not trying to beat you up, but it sounds like you rug swept her prior affair, thus leading to a lack of consequences for her. That in turn contributed to the likelihood of repeat behavior.

But the bottom line is that she has now cheated on you (at least) twice, putting her in the serial cheater category. I assume you're not married and with no kids; move on.

Just like anyone else, you deserve someone that will be faithful. She's had her chances.


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## Aunt Ava (Jan 24, 2013)

Put her in your rear view mirror on the way to your great new adventure in life. 

Why even consider reconciling with someone that has treated you with such disdain and disrespect? There are a lot of decent women out there hoping for a good guy to come along. Go meet some of them!


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## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

xenus7850 said:


> BTW, we have no kids. Anyone think that there is a way out for us or should I pack, move and leave this girl in my rearview mirror and never talk with her again?


 In business with him so she sees him everyday at work, secretly stayed at his house 2 to 3 nights a week for a year while her friends knew and helped cover it up, went on vacation with him instead of you as her friends and parents knew and covered it up, and you found out after the fact that she cheated with this same guy prior to the last time that you separated, all make this one of the sickest most horrible cheaters that I have ever read about on this board. She and her family are true scum. Thank God that you do not have children with her; not just for you but for the sake of the children too. 

Wow, your relationship never had a chance. She spends more of her waking hours with him every week than she does with you. It was all a lie and everyone but you knew that. Every time you said something that showed that you did not know, everyone would laugh at you behind your back. Your wife and the other man made you the into local fool. The other man was one of the people laughing at you. He was on the inside with her, while you were on the outside and did not even know it. He knew where she was when she was not sleeping with him, but you did not know where she was when she was not sleeping with you.

I dragged it out not to hurt you, but to warn you why you cannot go back. It is good that you are leaving town, as too many know and were in on it for you to want to still live there anymore. You want to find a good mate to raise a family with you, and you do not want her or your future children to hear how you were played the fool. You do not know it yet, but when you leave her your life is about to take a turn for the best. Life with a true and loving mate that you can have a chance at having a real relationship with, will give you happiness that you have never experienced before with the bad seed that you have been wasting your life with all of these years. Someone that confides in you and puts you first before all others. Someone that wants to experience life with you by their side.Be well and good luck to you.


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## LetDownNTX (Oct 4, 2012)

Everyone makes mistakes....you might not have done what you should have done in the past to end the roller coaster but you see whats happening now and you realize that you need to make some changes..thats the good part. That much time together is hard to erase but she obviously has no respect for you to continue to lie like that over and over. Would you ever trust that anything she said was true?

How did you catch her? Did you confont her after her trip? What was her excuse for the multitude of lies she told?


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## victarion (Sep 7, 2012)

It's too much to get over I would say, best to move on


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

So, she cheated on you once? Twice? Three times? More? With one or more men?

And her parents knew and they supported her in her cheating? Ah! I think I might be seeing some sort of connection, here.

Can you see what I see? They were her enablers. 

Not your kind of people really, are they? Best left in that rear view mirror. Pity, but 'tis for the best.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

You realize that she's actually been cheating on cliff with you right? She spends more days and nights with him than she does with you.

So why exactly isn't she moving in with him permanently? He's the one she wants. He's the one she puts all her energy and passion into.

I'm thinking she's afraid you'll take half of her business if you divorce her. So for her if she can con you into staying, she'll not loose any money and shell get to keep sleeping in cliffs bed.

She is certainly expecting to continue seeing cliff every day right? And I'm guessing shell be spending most nights with him?

Offer her an open marriage, where you get to cheat as much as she has.

Seriously,

There is no way you should stay with her. She's a committed long term cheater and cliff is a pile of human garbage. I bet she is why is marriage ended.

Put cliff up on cheateville.com, it's where scum like him belong.

Take every dime you can from the business. It's half yours as her husband. Make sure also to take out of her part the cost of her trip with cliff.

If it was me, cliff would be moving out of town out of fear for what was coming his way.

And as for her parents who happily covered up her affair, I'd tell them to go f themselves. What horrible horrible people. They've known you for how long? And they don't do anything to warn you that you've been cheated on for years and years?


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Considering she's been cheating or having sex with cliff since what 2000 or before, and has been pretty much living at his house 3 nights a week.

Why isn't she Ding you and being with him full time?


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## verpin zal (Feb 23, 2013)

MattMatt said:


> So, she cheated on you once? Twice? Three times? More? With one or more men?
> 
> And her parents knew and they supported her in her cheating? Ah! I think I might be seeing some sort of connection, here.
> 
> ...


In other words:

"aaahh! real monsters"


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## carmen ohio (Sep 24, 2012)

xenus7850 said:


> Here is my question, does anyone here think that it is possible that someone like this could actually change, that we could rebuild, that we could find long-term happiness. *I don't see it, I want to, but how is it possible.* Putting the affair aside and say that I could get past that.
> 
> *The level on disrespect, the length of the lie, having mom and dad part of the lies, choosing him over me on countless occasions, etc.*
> 
> ...


Dear xenus7850,

You've answered your own question. Why would you think that the good folks on TAM would know better than you do yourself what you should do? What do you want us to say?

"Give her another chance. You've misjudged her. It will be different this time. Suck it up. You're as much to blame as she is. Trust your heart, not your eyes, ears and brain. Yada, yada, yada."

Does that make any sense to you? Of course not.

As you say yourself, you've already wasted 20 years on this lying, cheating woman. If you go back to her now, you must have a really serious self-destruction problem.

Take your own advice. Pack, move and leave this girl in your rearview mirror and never talk with her again.


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## xenus7850 (Mar 26, 2013)

Thank you all for your input, it has help. Very painful, like I said a part of me wants to try to salvage just due to our history and time vested. On the other hand the disrespect, lying, etc. is just too much.

Just wanted to see if anyone experienced something similar and managed to salvage it. I thought not, but wanted to see if it was possible.

We talked twice today, she is crying, saying that she want to really put both feet in this time and due what it takes to make it work. Her father, who I am close to even talked with me and apologized.

I understand that she put them in a really bad spot, but to allow it to continue this long was and is unacceptable. They said that they tried to talk with here, saying to stop it and work it out we me or be honest with me.

I understand this is there daughter, but what time period is acceptable before they draw the line? A day, a week, maybe a month, not 6 months or a year. Not to mention we all have went on vacation 2 times together over the last 6 months when they knew.

I am looking forward to a new start, the prospect of meeting someone with the same values that I have. This girl has been really messed up for a long time, I just never wanted to see it or ignored it. I always saw the best in her, rather than seeing the truth.

New job, new home, nice warm state, new life, here I come. A bit overwhelming, but embracing at the same time. To cut the baggage and ride should provide relief. Thank for all of your comments.

Like I said, just wanted some unbiased viewpoints and to understand was there anyway to put humpty dumpty back together again, which I knew in my mind there was not.

If anyone is looking for a single girl, I can send over her number. She a great catch 


Thanks ALL.


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

Get outta Dodge.

Tell her to have her head examined.


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## Will_Kane (Feb 26, 2012)

xenus7850 said:


> If anyone is looking for a single girl, I can send over her number. She a great catch


I thought she already had a boyfriend.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

You never answers my question : why isn't she full time with the OM? It seems exactly what she has wanted for years.


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## jim123 (Sep 29, 2012)

best of luck. Better not to invest another minute. You can not get back what you have lost.

Things will turn out for you.


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## xenus7850 (Mar 26, 2013)

Shaggy, was only joking about the number, thought maybe someone might be interested in some severely damaged goods.

Will Kane, OM not sure with this mean, other man I assume. Not sure why she does not want to commit to him. I think she may care for him a bit and a close friend, he is not really commitment material either. I think he is just a way for her to have fun. He like to go out, go to the bars, socialize, be the life of the party as she does.

I am much more of a home body, enjoying the home life. Not saying that I wont or dont go out and do things, but 1-3 days a week of movies, bowling, visiting with friends and family, etc., is enough outlet for me. This does not satisfy here. She want to be out and about 7 days a week if she could I think. Likes to go to bars, she does not drink that much, not all the time, but enjoys the atmosphere.

Such a shame of what could have been versus what it is. Such is life I guess.


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## Jasel (Jan 8, 2013)

Leave. There are plenty of women out there in the world and yours sounds like damaged goods, no offense. And despite being close to her toxic family, apparently they don't seem to have as much regard for you as you do for them. In this case it's quite apparent that blood is thicker than water.

I know it's tough but move on. You can build a history with a woman who you can actually have a healthy relationship with. Take what you learned from this failed one and don't make the same mistakes next time.

Good luck.



> I always saw the best in her, rather than seeing the truth.


And please don't do this with anyone again. Never trust anyone 100% and never put ANYONE on an imaginary pedestal.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Must be like thinking you are starring in a romantic comedy and then finding out you are actually in a Zombie movie. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## snap (Oct 3, 2011)

I agree, you have to move on. Contrary to what you say, you don't have much of a history together, at least not the kind of history worth remembering.


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## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

xenus7850 said:


> Her father, who I am close to even talked with me and apologized.
> 
> I understand that she put them in a really bad spot, but to allow it to continue this long was and is unacceptable. They said that they tried to talk with here, saying to stop it and work it out we me or be honest with me.
> 
> I understand this is there daughter, but what time period is acceptable before they draw the line? A day, a week, maybe a month, not 6 months or a year. Not to mention we all have went on vacation 2 times together over the last 6 months when they knew.


 Sorry to say, but you were not really close to her father. You only thought that you were. If you read the many threads on this forum, you will see that her father keeping the affair a secret from you is the exception and not the rule.



xenus7850 said:


> I am looking forward to a new start, the prospect of meeting someone with the same values that I have. This girl has been really messed up for a long time, I just never wanted to see it or ignored it. I always saw the best in her, rather than seeing the truth.
> 
> New job, new home, nice warm state, new life, here I come. A bit overwhelming, but embracing at the same time. To cut the baggage and ride should provide relief.


 You have come to realized that there is no marraige to be saved as the marraige that you thought that you had does not exist. Be well and good luck.


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## J Valley (Jun 28, 2012)

If she is truly remorseful, let her do all the work chasing you. Meanwhile, you go on living your life and meet other girls and do all the things you like. Those who are not truly remorseful will give up halfway. Good luck!


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## xenus7850 (Mar 26, 2013)

Well it's been two weeks as of today, took me about 10 days to really get the proper prospective as my emotions went from one end to the other. Over the last 4 days I believe that I am thinking clearly...finally.

Looking at many things from a total different view. She still tells me that she loves me and wants to work it out. I have a job opportunity out of state that I plan on taking and she want to come down and spend 3 weeks a month with me to rebuild.

She has businesses here in which she will need to come back and run. Since this has all happened, she has not spent one night at home and we have been together for maybe a total of 4-5 hours. The night we had our first real conversation about reconciling, I drove past the OM house at night and there was her car.

I have caught her in several other lies as well. I was not sure if I wanted to or was able to look at R, but I was entertaining the possibility as we have 20 years together. This Monday though, my head started to lift from the clouds and I started to look at the entire situation, the situation while the affair was going on and since she has been confronted and knows that I know.

My first reaction is WTF, why in hell would I give this woman a third chance. I even look at the day after all this blow up and her dad came over to talk to me "MAN TO MAN" over some of the actions I took, not to talk about what she had done, not to talk about where we were, not to talk about anything else except where he was upset with me and wanted to protect his daughter.

I really did not think of it at the time, but I do now, where was the "MAN TO MAN" conversation the last 6-12 months when we were on vacations together, out to eat together, holidays together, etc., where was the conversation then. He chose to stay silent, cover and condone his daughters behavior. Where was the MAN TO MAN conversation then.

I have really come to the conclusions that I have massively mis-judged Kim and her mom and dad, they are all liars and hipocrits. The funny thing is about 4 weeks ago we were all out at a $125 per person dinner (MY TREAT) and we were talking about Kim's brother.

About 10 years ago he had been married about 6 months and was seeing another girl on the side in which Kim's dad kept secret and covered. We were talking about that over dinner as we have talked about that on many occasions, how wrong here brother was, how wrong her father was, that the girl did not deserve that, etc. 

The funny thing is, imagine what they were thinking having this conversation with me while Kim was cheating on me. I feel like such a fool. I should have known and known long ago, just wanted to see the best in her and the best in us, never wanted to face the truth I guess.

Better to lose 20 years than 21 right. So I took the job, will be moving out to a new state in a week or so and once out I plan on never talking with Kim or her freakshow family again. I still care very much for her and her mom and dad, I just can't and will not move past the lies and betrayal, who really could.

Thanks for all of your comments, it helped put everything into context. Many times when one is to close to a situation, it is hard to see it as it should be. I thought that maybe, somehow there could be a chance for R, I see now that is just not possible.

Thanks Everyone.


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## bryanp (Aug 25, 2011)

You are a wise man. Good luck.


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## Kallan Pavithran (Jan 17, 2012)

xenus7850 said:


> Thank you all for your input, it has help. Very painful, like I said a part of me wants to try to salvage just due to our history and time vested. On the other hand the disrespect, lying, etc. is just too much.
> 
> Just wanted to see if anyone experienced something similar and managed to salvage it. I thought not, but wanted to see if it was possible.
> 
> ...



The way you handled the A (Did nothing), The way she treated you and you accepting it for this long, 
she was sleeping with OM for 3 or 4 days in a week right under your nose and you are blaming her Parents for not telling you.REALLY? What they should have told you which was not not known to you? Everyone, your girl, her parents and OM know that you know about the A and they didnt gave a **** about you. Actually why should they when you are so weak to defend yourself, when you didnt had any self respect?If you dont respect yourself no one will respect you.

This is not to rub salt in to the wound but you asking the question about R with your GF and your statement regarding moving forward and meeting new girl.

Use this opportunity to Fix yourself first, examine why you allowed this to happen, codependency?

Life is short and we have to live it happily with someone who truly loves us, respect us and need us not with persons like your ex, its wasting of life.


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## Hurt&confused92 (Apr 6, 2013)

WOW..I am one for giving relationships a try esp. if there is long history but this chick is a nut case. you are too good to be with someone like this. you deserve to be with someone who will respect, honor and cherish you. think of you often and love you completely when you guys are apart. 

I hate to say this but i doubt if this woman will change and her family doesnt make matters better. no kids means you can leave and cut all strings! 

I am so sorry you are here and wish you all the best in your decision.


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## Will_Kane (Feb 26, 2012)

xenus7850 said:


> Since this has all happened, she has not spent one night at home and we have been together for maybe a total of 4-5 hours. *The night we had our first real conversation about reconciling, I drove past the OM house at night and there was her car*.
> 
> *I have caught her in several other lies as well*. I was not sure if I wanted to or was able to look at R, but I was entertaining the possibility as we have 20 years together.
> 
> ...


There WAS a chance for R - IF she was truly remorseful and ready to REALLY change. As you discovered, it was just more lip service and lies. Just WORDS, not ACTIONS.

Sunk Cost Fallacy

Escalation_of_commitment


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## xenus7850 (Mar 26, 2013)

Well, one of the things I have noticed about sites like this is that when people are going through there hardest and darkest times that they rely on these sites for support and advice, but seemed to rarely come back to post an update.

First of all, I want to thank those of you that gave me some advice, most if not all was very good advice. As you may recall, in short, my ex was having an off and on again affair for years with her business partner and lied to the ends of the earth to cover it and her mom and dad who I was extremely close to, took them in as my own and vice versa knew about it and had known about it for some time.

When I learned of this, learned of the depth and length of the affairs and the lies that I believed, my world ended. I was, at that time, searching for a way out, a way that somehow we could get past it, but I knew deep down that was not possible. When the crap hit the fan, she more or less chose him, so I accepted a job in Florida and moved from Ohio.

It was hard at first, but all is fantastic now, I absolutely love my new life and I am only 3 months removed. The funny this is the ex calls me every day or so no crying, begging me to come back, that she will move down here, she states now that she will sacrifice any and everything to get back together. When this crap went down, she would not really even sacrifice 15 minutes of her time to talk about it.

The most unexpected thing occurred, out of the blue. When I arrived down here, I was so enjoying the single life again; I was going out with some friends I made down here that had similar interests and having a great time being single. It was a little rough on the body, long nights, going into work sleep deprived, hung over and drained of most of my, well…. I was drinking A LOT of OJ.

I ended up joining an online dating service really just to expand my network of friends with benefits. Met a girl on there and we have just hit it off. Just can’t get enough of her, we can talk for hours with no effort, so much in common, so attractive emotionally, as well as physically. It may not go anywhere, but have shifted gears from the partying to see where it does go.

In short, those guys that are going through what I went through, I now know that if we would have reconciled, there is no way that it could have worked. Maybe just a meaningless one night affair…maybe, but an ongoing affair and lies, I could not have ever trusted her again. She made such a jerk out of me, humiliated me in every sense as a man. I got the best of her though, just packed my crap and let her come home to an empty house and she for a while had no idea where I went.
It does get better and for me got better very fast. 

The best advice someone gave me in here is to shut my ears and eyes and think. My ears and eyes where lying to me nonstop, but the facts did not. There are a lot of damaged girls out there and they are not worth your time. My advice is to cut it off, move your life forward and build a new better future and leave the old one in the past.

Once again, for those of you that left advice and posts, thank you, it really did help.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

OP how old are you now?

BTW need another update say right around Halloween. We dont get enough of the success stories. Yes even if you get a bit of a broken heart from this new one but try again that is success.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Thanks for the update.

You shoud close the loop on Kim and the OM by posting what they did up on chearterville.com, not for revenge, but to warn other future victims of both of them.

So there aren't any more lied to like you.

Imagine, if the OMs exWife had exposed his cheating, all the years you would have saved.


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## Mr Blunt (Jul 18, 2012)

> The funny this is the ex calls me every day or so no crying, begging me to come back, that she will move down here, she states now that she will sacrifice any and everything to get back together


If this is giving you some satisfaction then keep it up. You are a good man and she has injured you so she owes it to you to let you know how much she screwed up by running you off. I know she is not doing it to build you up but to use you again as you were a very good plan B for her; totally selfish on her part!

On the other hand if you are not getting much out of her calls then block her forever. You are moving along very nicely you do not need a ton of baggage holding on to your back. It sounds like your next 20 years is going to be a hell-of-a-lot-better than the last 20 years. Thank you for updating because it is very helpful to see someone get out of the emotional prison that you were in.

Your ex has tarnished her self respect and I doubt that she will ever recover to any degree. She could have regained some of her self respect 15-20 years ago but she choose time and time again to be deceitful, lie, and betray loved ones and now it is probably too late for her to have any integrity. She is a drowning woman in a swift current and if anyone goes to save her they will probably be swept away with her. I am glad that you escaped.


It is very sad to have such a pesimistic outlook but 20 years of making horrible choices will have consequesnces that can not be erased. No one really wins when one self destructs


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## Cdelta02 (Sep 20, 2012)

Mr. B is exactly right. Draw a line now on when you want to put an end to her calls and then on that date, block her number. You deserve the satisfaction you are getting now. But it also ties you to the past. You need to get out of that. Permanently. Let it just be a bad memory, not an ongoing drama.



Mr Blunt said:


> *If this is giving you some satisfaction then keep it up. You are a good man and she has injured you so she owes it to you to let you know how much she screwed up by running you off.* I know she is not doing it to build you up but to use you again as you were a very good plan B for her; totally selfish on her part!
> 
> On the other hand if you are not getting much out of her calls then block her forever. You are moving along very nicely you do not need a ton of baggage holding on to your back. It sounds like your next 20 years is going to be a hell-of-a-lot-better than the last 20 years. Thank you for updating because it is very helpful to see someone get out of the emotional prison that you were in.
> 
> ...


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## xenus7850 (Mar 26, 2013)

Thought I would post a final update. My last update was after leaving my ex, enjoying the single lifestyle, then met someone that really gained my attention and wanted to see where it went.

Well, there is life after death. After the horrible crap I went through with the ex, the terrible crap she did to me and put me through, I thought that I would never recover.

As you may recall the ex and I were together for 20 years, but never married. I guess deep down we were never right and I must have known that on some level.

Well, I am married now, happily married, found a GREAT southern bell. She is very giving, versus the ex who was a taker and a user. Sh refreshing to have someone that loves me and much as I love here, gives as much as they take. Someone that is considerate and caring.

The ex is a distant memory that I try harder each day to erase from my mind. I am happy now, more happy than I have ever been and much more happy than the ex ever made me.

I got my revenge on here, that revenge being packing my crap and leaving her and never looking back, even after many beggong phone calls for me to come back. Those calls coming of course after the OM dump her on her aXX.

She is alone now as I knew she would be. I think she will probably always be alone, she is too self adsorb, selfish and inconsiderate to keep a guy.

In any event, it is a year later, what a ride it has been. I went from being heartbroken from the ex, being angry, pissed, etc. No I have a wonderful beautiful wife. Funny how things work out. 

While I though I was going through the worst time of my life and had nothing but bad luck, now I see it more as god was putting me where I needed to be for true happiness. I regret nothing now, glad it happened.

I found my true love, the person I am happy with.


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## jack.c (Sep 7, 2013)

xenus7850 said:


> Thought I would post a final update. My last update was after leaving my ex, enjoying the single lifestyle, then met someone that really gained my attention and wanted to see where it went.
> 
> Well, there is life after death. After the horrible crap I went through with the ex, the terrible crap she did to me and put me through, I thought that I would never recover.
> 
> ...



Your story is similar to mine.... the only difference is that i was with my ex for 5 years an about to get married.... other difference is that i moved to another continent and not another state ........
For me it has passed more then 18 years since, and i dont regret it! Happily married with 2 wonderful kids.

YES.... YOU ARE WRIGHT! DUMP THE CHEATERS AND MOVE FORWARD WITHOUT LOOKING BACK.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Thanks for the update. We rarely get the recovery phase.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

Awesome! Nice to see a success story once in while.


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## cagedrat (Jan 12, 2014)

Wishing you peace with your decision and a great shot at a wonderful life. Allow yourself to enjoy the freedom to love again and enjoy the warm weather. It took a lot of strength for you to commit to moving on.


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