# I think I have her but I dont



## getingitdone (Mar 22, 2012)

Hi Everyone!!!,

So this is my first time posting and I finally got the guts to post..

Ill get right to it though....


My wife and I separated 3months ago and the first month was completely crazy...I was crying begging etc etc. Doing everything to push her away. I then found out about T Wub on youtube and bought his book on how to get your ex back. It actually helped me and made me realize how I left my wife emotionally. I started out as financial and because that it ended up being an emotional thing due to the arguing. So long story short we fought and we are separated because she doesnt see us working. She says she is happy she made the decision. She admitts to being lonely and wants us to be friends, especially because we have a 2 year old daughter. I asked her if she is as done as she says she is, then why not get a divorce. She says because I asked to wait a year and she wants to see if her ill 
feelings will go away and she does not want to get divorced if we are going to get back together anyway. 

As far as I go, I got a better job and have my own apt. She says the improvements has caught her attention especially since I made them so fast. I gave her space and then broke down and she told me i gotta give it time...All the improvements that I made touch her and etc etc....Basically all i get from it is she is scared and confused even though she says she is not...She feels that I could just be changing now...I also got the "I love u but not in love with you"..

For the past month we have been GREAT!!! great friendship. Both share our daughter failry...We all spend time together. ALSO the sex is out of this world. It always was but now it is really mind blowing for both of us...Is it weird that we continued to have sex?...I hold her and do little things that show affection but not too much..Almost enough to have her meet me half way. She does except kissing. UNLESS we have sex.

Basically what I wanted to know if I still have a chance and if I do, should I just take it slow and keep doing what Ive been doing or should I just jump and ask to reconcile? PLEASE HELP with advice GOOD or BAD!! Thank you


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## Mindful Coach (Sep 15, 2011)

Why would she get back with you when she is all ready back with you? She has nothing to miss in this situation and can string you along for as long as she likes - seven more months of this? You can be loving, let her know you want to get back with her, but you can't play at being her boyfriend, having sex etc... if she misses you enough, she will come back around, otherwise, start living your life as if she is not in it. That way, if she is just stringing you along, you can start to get over her, and if she does have feelings for you it might scare her to take action before she totally loses you. Either way it would be better than living in limbo for months on end.


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## Jayb (Mar 6, 2012)

I was with you. following along, yep, that is my sitch, blah, blah, until I read the having sex part. Wait, what??!?

From what I can see, you 2 are still together, despite living separately. You are making lasting improvements in your self. So, give it time. I guess in a few months you could ask her to attend MC with you, but, I envy your position.

My WAW (walk away wife) of 12 years and I separated 9 months ago, with impending divorce, most likely later this summer. Share 2 children, spend time as a family together, etc., but strictly as friends. She mentioned to our MC last week, that she did not have hope for our marriage, and that she could not consider reconciliation.

I saw that T-Dub, Magic of Making Up. Is it helpful?


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## getingitdone (Mar 22, 2012)

@Mindful Coach- Thank you!!! that makes complete sense. But dont get me wrong, I still give her space. This is not an everyday thing. I guess in a way I am letting her string me along but in a sence I do not feel like I am. I am still moving forward and working on myself. I dont know, I guess it's just fear on my side as well. I am just trying to fight for the marriage as best as I can. I am just trying to show her I changed and that I realize what I failed at and that I will not the second time around...if there is one. If not then the next lady will be more than lucky!:smthumbup:


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## Jayb (Mar 6, 2012)

getingitdone said:


> @Mindful Coach- Thank you!!! that makes complete sense. But dont get me wrong, I still give her space. This is not an everyday thing. I guess in a way I am letting her string me along but in a sence I do not feel like I am. I am still moving forward and working on myself. I dont know, I guess it's just fear on my side as well. I am just trying to fight for the marriage as best as I can. *I am just trying to show her I changed and that I realize what I failed at and that I will not the second time around...if there is one. If not then the next lady will be more than lucky!:*smthumbup:


This is my goal as well. Actions speak louder than words. Hope for the best, but prepare for the worst. 

Good luck.


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## getingitdone (Mar 22, 2012)

@JayB- Thanks, Honestly, us having sex is shocking to me as well.

About T-Dub. Yea it is worth it. Its like only $30. It's actually the reason I have been doing the things I have been. It helps you build confidence and return to the person you once were when you met with your other. You should check it out. Plus he gives you daily emails on different topics. It's def helped me because I see that whether or not we get back together, I know I will be fine.


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## SRN (Mar 20, 2012)

getingitdone said:


> @JayB- Thanks, Honestly, us having sex is shocking to me as well.
> 
> About T-Dub. Yea it is worth it. Its like only $30. It's actually the reason I have been doing the things I have been. It helps you build confidence and return to the person you once were when you met with your other. You should check it out. Plus he gives you daily emails on different topics. It's def helped me because I see that whether or not we get back together, I know I will be fine.


I also got The Magic of Making Up. It has some solid ideas, but after a bit the e-mails "he" starts sending are just advertisments for other people. Gets a little annoying. The book is pretty solid though.
I might also suggest The Way of the Superior Man by David Deida. Not a "save your marriage" book, but lots of solid infor on bettering yourself and how to improve your communication with the women.
My situation is similar but different than yours (aren't they all). I'm in the holding pattern of waiting for her to contact me or I'll contact her in a week or so. I've been working out, watching what I eat, going to counseling on my own, yoga, ect. Just trying to get myself mentally prepared for speaking/seeing her again. What everyone says is true, someone who knows you as well as your spouse can see right through any bravado, so if you don't change your core, they will know.


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