# wife's infedelity has her mind clouded right?



## Lamailman

Let me first tell you that me and my wife have rarely ever fought in our ten years together but she is famous for over reacting on everything. Well one month ago she told me she wasn't happy anymore (no fighting or anything leading up to this), told me I move out or her and the kids so I left. Well three weeks into the seperation (last week) she hits me with the line "and before someone tells you, I am seeing someone but it just started". Now I don't believe this line for one second. Obviously this guy had a hand in her making this decision. I guess she thinks the grass is greener, but it won't be with a 22 year old guy who has a history of being with alot of woman and he also lives with his aunt and can't keep a job.

Anyway she is pushing for the divorce hard and she called me tonight to talk about lawyers and just wanting to get it over with. She said she will agree to anything so I said how about split custody and she was ok with it. Well if anyone knows her she would have never been ok with not having her kids half the time. I've read people in affairs have a cloudy head but I just don't understand her thinking in this. Is she trying to rush all this so she can be with the OM, even if it means she stupid choices like this. It all seems fishy the way she is acting and ok with everything just to get this over with. What do yall think is going through her head?


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## 2xloser

Yes, exactly. Many call it "the fog", this head-over-heels infatuation feeling she is having, and it does cloud one's judgment.

Assuming you don't want to try to fight to try winning her back -- or even if you do -- my advice is to accept this gift, ask no questions about it, and get what you can & sign on the dotted line before the OM screws something up and she changes her mind.

Take it and run, seriously; no questions asked because in the end, it doesn't matter. The results matter, and they will never get more in your favor than they are right now from what it sounds like.


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## ThePheonix

With her being motivated, now would be a excellent time to unload her. Would you really want to stay with a "cougar" who ditches you for a 22 year old. Even if it doesn't work with her new boy toy, what's going to happen when the next 22 year old comes along. Seize the opportunity my man.


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## honcho

Lamailman said:


> Let me first tell you that me and my wife have rarely ever dough in our ten years together but she is famous for over reacting on everything. Well one month ago she told me she wasn't happy anymore (no fighting or anything leading up to this), told me I move out or her and the kids so I left. Well three weeks into the seperation (last week) she hits me with the line "and before someone tells you, I am seeing someone but it just started". Now I don't believe this line for one second. Obviously this guy had a hand in her making this decision. I guess she thinks the grass is greener, but it won't be with a 22 year old guy who has a history of being with alot of woman and he also lives with his aunt and can't keep a job.
> 
> Anyway she is pushing for the divorce hard and she called me tonight to talk about lawyers and just wanting to get it over with. She said she will agree to anything so I said how about split custody and she was ok with it. Well if anyone knows her she would have never been ok with not having her kids half the time. I've read people in affairs have a cloudy head but I just don't understand her thinking in this. Is she trying to rush all this so she can be with the OM, even if it means she stupid choices like this. It all seems fishy the way she is acting and ok with everything just to get this over with. What do yall think is going through her head?


Well achieving more than 50/50 custody is a tough legal battle in most states. She will be very short sighted right now, she only wants to chase her new life. Your best option is cut the best deal you can fast and get it over with and get it nice and legal.

She wants out use it to your advantage because if/when affairland ends her tune is gonna change.


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## Lamailman

I agree. Now is the time to get it with her willing to throw everything away for her OM. She's hardly a cougar, she's only 27 lol. She's barely worked in her life as I've been providing for her since we got together 10 years ago, I just can't believe she isn't trying to get anything out of me. She will come out of this with a vehicle, some child support, split custody and our home is still up in the air but that would be it. Talk about head in the clouds lol


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## Decorum

2xloser said:


> Assuming you don't want to try to fight to try winning her back -- or even if you do -- my advice is to accept this gift, ask no questions about it, and get what you can & sign on the dotted line before the OM screws something up and she changes her mind.
> 
> Take it and run, seriously; no questions asked because in the end, it doesn't matter. The results matter, and they will never get more in your favor than they are right now from what it sounds like.


:iagree:


We spend months trying to help BS's get to the point where the consequences of their WS's actions will fall on the WS. 

Take it! Take it! Take it!

If you want to save it or move on this is the best case scenario!

Don't seem too eager either.

Document everything, especially her time with the kids, but don't let her know you are doing so.

If you can come by evidence that they were communicating before and you can do it without getting caught keep building a case just in case this goes south.

I wish you well.


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## honcho

Lamailman said:


> I agree. Now is the time to get it with her willing to throw everything away for her OM. She's hardly a cougar, she's only 27 lol. She's barely worked in her life as I've been providing for her since we got together 10 years ago, I just can't believe she isn't trying to get anything out of me. She will come out of this with a vehicle, some child support, split custody and our home is still up in the air but that would be it. Talk about head in the clouds lol


One of the last times I ever spoke to my stbx she proclaimed she wanted none of my money, just what was hers and just wanted out. Within 2 months the affair ended and I have spent almost 2 years now battling over literally each and every item. Cut your deal, be generous if you have to to keep her happy. Just get it done before it blows up.


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## Lamailman

By law, when kids are involved you parents need to been seperated for 1 full year before a divorce can be granted. Can negotiations be settle and signed away before the full year is up?


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## honcho

Lamailman said:


> By law, when kids are involved you parents need to been seperated for 1 full year before a divorce can be granted. Can negotiations be settle and signed away before the full year is up?


It depends on your state laws as they are all different but most of the time yes the negotiations and settlement can be all done and over with. Once an agreement is reached and all signed it is also very hard for someone to try changing the terms.

Your state may also have clauses where the year can be waived in cases of abuse or adultery. Tell her to sign the agreement based on adultery so it goes fast, worst she can do is say no.


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## Lamailman

Either way I'm hoping she keeps this frame of mind until I can get this on paper lol. This guy isn't in it for the long run I can guarantee that. He might be pushing her and promising her things so she can get this done so he can move out of his aunts apartment and in with her. she will be a train wreck once she realizes what she gave away for this OM when things go south for them. opcorn:


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## Mr.Fisty

Yeah, the infatuation is like heroin, and it takes about a year for the effects to wear out.

Once it does, she will want a safe harbor to return to.

Once she is dumped, she will lawyer up, and probably try to get back together at the same time.

This is the best time to protect yourself and your and your children financial future.


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## PhillyGuy13

Do whatever it takes to get the agreement signed ASAP.

22 yo OM views this as a way to get out of auntie's basement and into an apartment where he will have sex with your wife 24/7. Sad reality is with young kids running around, it's going to get old quick. I know very few 22 yo men who jump at the chance to raise another's child.

Once he backs away, she will be back to you as her fall back. She will be repentive, remorseful, etc etc. Have the agreement in place so you can laugh in her face and slam the door on her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## NoChoice

I concur, get your best deal while you are in control. Whatever happens after OM dumps her will be what it is and you can decide your next move then but for now, take advantage of this golden opportunity. Sorry for your situation.


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## Acoa

honcho said:


> It depends on your state laws as they are all different but most of the time yes the negotiations and settlement can be all done and over with. Once an agreement is reached and all signed it is also very hard for someone to try changing the terms.
> 
> 
> 
> Your state may also have clauses where the year can be waived in cases of abuse or adultery. Tell her to sign the agreement based on adultery so it goes fast, worst she can do is say no.



My state you can waive the year down to 6 months if both parties agree. And there is zero burden of proof. Just both parties sign a piece of paper saying they have.

And Honcho gives good advice here. Get the D done while she is willing to give you a good deal. Nothing says you can't get back together later if that's what you both want. My guess is once this is in the rear view mirror you won't want to. But nothing precludes it from the realm of possibility.


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## ThePheonix

PhillyGuy13 said:


> Have the agreement in place so you can laugh in her face and slam the door on her.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


After telling her, "sorry sweetheart, I've replaced you with a 22 year old myself"


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## Thound

Sorry for your sitch. I personally think you are a lucky man in my twisted mind. Get the very best deal you can while she is in the fog. Take some time and later find someone who deserves your love. Best wishes.


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## Lamailman

I agree with all of you, but unfortunately I still hurt over this but I do see the light at the end of the tunnel and I agree that I need to get the deal now before she snaps out of this and goes stupid.


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## badmemory

You need to talk to a lawyer yesterday. Make sure he is OK with you moving out of the house, because you aren't required to, and in some cases it can be considered abandonment. Plus you're paying for two residences - I assume. 

However, if he blesses it, you can afford it, and it helps expedite the divorce; then no problem. Some judges in certain states won't grant a quicker divorce if the couple is still residing together.

Put a recording app on your cell phone or buy a VAR and keep it on you at all times. Try to limit (as much as you can), your discussions with her to written communication - e-mails and texts. Try to get an agreement with her on the sale/equity in the home and possessions without the attorney. It will save you money.

Sorry you're here, but like the other posters have suggested; you need to strike while she still has some modicum of guilt. It won't last forever.


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## badmemory

Oh, and by the way, I can understand not wanting to expose her and the OM right now, with the divorce pending.

But....If it were me, I would attempt to collect as much evidence of her A as I could, especially when it started and information on the OM - to keep in your back pocket. It might come in handy down the road if you need it for negotiating the terms of the D. 

And when the D is over, I would expose them both. To their friends and family - including putting the OM on cheaterville.com.


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## Q tip

Some side advice. My usual...

Read Married Man Sex Life Primer 2011 by Athol Kay. 

Basically, everything you know and have been taught about women is wrong. A great read and should be required for all men, single or married. Read it several times.

Best of luck to you. Get 'er done before the reality of moving in with his auntie sets in. Or before he dumps her. He has no commitments and nothing to lose except the short term apartment... Be fast. As fast as possible.


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## tom67

badmemory said:


> Oh, and by the way, I can understand not wanting to expose her and the OM right now, with the divorce pending.
> 
> But....If it were me, I would attempt to collect as much evidence of her A as I could, especially when it started and information on the OM - to keep in your back pocket. It might come in handy down the road if you need it for negotiating the terms of the D.
> 
> And when the D is over, I would expose them both. To their friends and family - including putting the OM on cheaterville.com.


:iagree::iagree:


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## Jellybeans

Lamailman said:


> Well one month ago she told me she wasn't happy anymore (no fighting or anything leading up to this), told me I move out or her and the kids so I left.


I don't understand why you left. It's your house, too. 



Lamailman said:


> Well three weeks into the seperation (last week) she hits me with the line "and before someone tells you, I am seeing someone but it just started". Now I don't believe this line for one second.


You are probably right in that it's been going on for awhile and played a part in why she wanted you out. 



Lamailman said:


> Anyway she is pushing for the divorce hard and she called me tonight to talk about lawyers and just wanting to get it over with.


Agree with her. Tell her the sooner you are done, the better since you don't want to be with someone who would so quickly throw a marriage away.

I would urge you to move back in though. It can be see as "abandonment" since you left the home.



Lamailman said:


> Is she trying to rush all this so she can be with the OM, even if it means she stupid choices like this.


Yes and yes.

The sooner she divorces you, the sooner she can start living out her fantasy with a 22 year old "legally."

If she wants a divorce, give it to her. Her affair will more than likely blow up in her face.


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## Lon

Lamailman said:


> By law, when kids are involved you parents need to been seperated for 1 full year before a divorce can be granted. Can negotiations be settle and signed away before the full year is up?


In my jurisdiction the one year waiting period was waived for my ex when she provided to the court a signed affidavit confessing to her adultery. It doesn't have any other bearing on the ruling, since it's no fault, however it is enough to demonstrate no chance at restoring the marital home.

My ex W agreed to sign it when she was in the midst of having sex with lots of new partners, even though she won't admit it is infidelity since in her mind she was detached. So like Honcho is suggesting, if she is in the clouds use that to your advantage as much as possible for the best interests of your kids as well as your own future. If she is willing to sign something away, do it.


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## Lon

And like a couple others suggested, ask your lawyer about the issue of abandonment, make sure leaving your home won't harm your custody and/or settlement.


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## vellocet

Lamailman said:


> Anyway she is pushing for the divorce hard and she called me tonight to talk about lawyers and just wanting to get it over with. She said she will agree to anything so I said how about split custody and she was ok with it.


Wow, go for it!! If she will agree to anything, make sure your attorney knows she said that. You are in a good spot. The rest of us fathers with cheating x-wives have to be content with being every other weekend dads who have to pay the X more money than she spends on them.

Take the ball and run with it!




> Well if anyone knows her she would have never been ok with not having her kids half the time. I've read people in affairs have a cloudy head but I just don't understand her thinking in this. Is she trying to rush all this so she can be with the OM, even if it means she stupid choices like this. It all seems fishy the way she is acting and ok with everything just to get this over with. What do yall think is going through her head?


She is rushing it all to be with the OM, yes. She probably also wants 50/50 so that way she gets a break from the kids so she can nurture this love affair with OM and spend time with him alone without the kids.

But so what? This should not concern you. If she'll agree to 50/50 with no child support, TAKE IT!!! While you are at it, as long as she wants it over quickly, get more than 50% of the assets. Hell, get her to sign a quit claim deed with you owing her nothing in equity, if she'll go for it or if her attorney will give in to it.

You are in a good spot and shouldn't worry about what she is thinking. Get 'r done, get her out, and take HER to the cleaners.


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## vellocet

Lamailman said:


> By law, when kids are involved you parents need to been seperated for 1 full year before a divorce can be granted. Can negotiations be settle and signed away before the full year is up?


Yes.


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## vellocet

Lamailman said:


> Either way I'm hoping she keeps this frame of mind until I can get this on paper lol. This guy isn't in it for the long run I can guarantee that. He might be pushing her and promising her things so she can get this done so he can move out of his aunts apartment and in with her. she will be a train wreck once she realizes what she gave away for this OM when things go south for them. opcorn:


Wow, if you can pull this off, you will be every divorced, cheated on man's hero!!!!!!!!


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## Lamailman

Nah I wouldn't say hero as I haven't really done anything. She is just so stupid and selfish and blinded by this affair that she is will to give up anything and everything just so she can quickly shack up. Her family really liked me and are heartbroken and embarrassed she did this and they are letting her know that they are not accepting of this OM , but she is trying to sell him to them hard. I guess maybe she is thinking that when she is officially divorced it won't look as bad and they will be accepting of him. But that is just my guess.


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## tom67

It's sad because it is just lust I give them a year at most.


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## Rookie4

Op, you are getting some good advice, here. Cut the deal and run!! My wife asked for a LOT less than her share, to "prove' that she loved me and wanted to make amends. I took it as fast as I could get the papers signed.


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## lenzi

tom67 said:


> It's sad because it is just lust I give them a year at most.


Then you better move fast you don't have much time.


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## tom67

lenzi said:


> Then you better move fast you don't have much time.


Yep
:iagree::iagree:


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## Lamailman

So I guess with the kind of guy he is with with nothing to show for himself. Can we all agree that this is a lust thing or do yall think it could be love? Just curious on what yall think of their relationship? I think once I'm completely out the picture the excitment they were experiencing will wear off.


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## tom67

Lamailman said:


> So I guess with the kind of guy he is with with nothing to show for himself. Can we all agree that this is a lust thing or do yall think it could be love? Just curious on what yall think of their relationship? I think once I'm completely out the picture the excitment they were experiencing will wear off.


Exactly.


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## MattMatt

Have the little rotter's name checked out on the Sex Offenders Register. Seriously. You need to protect your children.


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## Lamailman

Already had his name checked. No record. My WW has always had various medical problems , so I know once she starts having medical complications again he will be out the door. He also can't hold onto a job so I'm sure he won't want to take on a woman who doesn't work and her two kids long term.


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## honcho

Lamailman said:


> So I guess with the kind of guy he is with with nothing to show for himself. Can we all agree that this is a lust thing or do yall think it could be love? Just curious on what yall think of their relationship? I think once I'm completely out the picture the excitment they were experiencing will wear off.


Whether its love or lust who cares. Almost all affairs run out of gas after the excitement phase. They have no foundation for a long term relationship, they are built on fluff and fantasy. The real world always comes back.

Right now she wants you out because she wants to fully invest in him, she thinks she has the winner here and doesn't want to lose him. He is having fun with no real responsibility. Right about the time he has to become "responsible" he will most likely bail. This isn't your problem. She made the choice.


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## SamuraiJack

Lamailman said:


> I agree. Now is the time to get it with her willing to throw everything away for her OM. She's hardly a cougar, she's only 27 lol. She's barely worked in her life as I've been providing for her since we got together 10 years ago, I just can't believe she isn't trying to get anything out of me. She will come out of this with a vehicle, some child support, split custody and our home is still up in the air but that would be it. Talk about head in the clouds lol


Tell her you want the house because you dont want to loose the kids home of origin and give her a few thousand after you transfer to your name. 
She's foggy. 
Take what you want as far as you can to be honest about it and then get the deal sealed ASAP.

If she wakes up, she will try to take you for everything as soon as she realizes what her life will be like.


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## vellocet

Lamailman said:


> Nah I wouldn't say hero as I haven't really done anything. She is just so stupid and selfish and blinded by this affair that she is will to give up anything and everything just so she can quickly shack up. Her family really liked me and are heartbroken and embarrassed she did this and they are letting her know that they are not accepting of this OM , but she is trying to sell him to them hard. I guess maybe she is thinking that when she is officially divorced it won't look as bad and they will be accepting of him. But that is just my guess.


You'd still be my hero. As a man that had a cheating x-wife that doesn't have custody, because I'm a man and she wanted child support, you don't know how lucky you are that she is clouded. Take advantage now while you can in case she changes her mind!!!!


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## vellocet

Lamailman said:


> So I guess with the kind of guy he is with with nothing to show for himself. Can we all agree that this is a lust thing or do yall think it could be love?


Don't know, and honestly, don't care. If I had to lean one way, I'd lean to lust, because to me, a cheater like your wife won't be satisfied with the same man for long before the 7 year itch comes along.

I don't think cheaters really know the first thing about love. I realize that is a generalization, but I believe it to be true in the majority of cases.


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## Lamailman

Yea my WW is will be one to go through alot of realationships. This is just the beginning of a long road for her. She is a very difficult person to get along with and not many guys will put up for it long after the sex, gets old.


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## bandit.45

Your WW is an example of why young college educated men in the US no longer want to marry. 

Selfish, entitled, narcissistic....


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## commonsenseisn't

Lamailman said:


> Anyway she is pushing for the divorce hard and she called me just wanting to get it over with. She said she will agree to anything


Why should you care if her mind is clouded?

This is your golden opportunity to rid yourself of a cheating drama queen.

Seize the moment.


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## commonsenseisn't

Lamailman said:


> She is a very difficult person to get along with .


Do you have any idea what a perfect blessing you have available? Many of us here would have given our left nut to have your opportunity to dump the hideous shrews we were chained to. 

An opportunity this good can't last forever.


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## Lamailman

Yea I have no doubt in my mind that eventually she will wake up and come crawling back. She had it too easy and good with me, when she realizes she's with a zero she will try to come back but that ship has sailed. I'm too good of a person to be treated that way, I didn't deserve it and I won't put up with that. The icing on the cake will be she will realize she can't get with me and she got screw on the divorce.


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## vellocet

Get yourself one bulldog of a divorce lawyer, don't let her know you are talking to one, and tell him/her everything she is telling you, such as she will agree to anything.

Tell said attorney that she wants to get this over with quickly, that way your attorney can form a strategy, which might be to scare her with a long drawn out divorce.


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## commonsenseisn't

Lamailman said:


> The icing on the cake will be she will realize she can't get with me and she got screw on the divorce.


NOW YOU'RE TALKIN!

Next we'll see if you walk the walk as well as you talk the talk. 

Don't disappoint yourself.


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## Sports Fan

Get legal advice ASAP, find out as much as you can about the other Man, and if you think he is a bit shady file for full custody.

In short play hard, try to get full custody, and make the whole process as difficult as you can for her.

Might snap her out of the fog. That said i dont know why you'd want her back.


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## Lamailman

Well I went to pick up my kids this afternoon for my weekend with them. My wife was acting strange. She was in my personal space , following me around closely. I'm done getting the kids in and I get in and close my door. She asks to kiss the kids bye and I said ok. She does that then opens my driver door and gets in close. She has this watery eyed sad puppy dog look on her face. She throws her arms up on each side of me and say can I get a hug and starts leaning in. Wtf is up with that? She is so hell bent on us being "friends". I told he I'm not interested in being friends at this point , she is my wife (well soon to be ex). I grabbed her wrist as she was leaning in and shut that hug down. She said you don't want to hug me, and I proclaimed , no don't touch me. She wanted the seperation and wants divorce and less then a month after seperation she is seeing someone. Why the Frick would she think I want to be her "friend" and hug her at this point in time. What is going on is this girls head?


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## turnera

It was her fantasy that you'd just wave goodbye and wish her well.


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## NoChoice

Is she on medication of any kind?


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## Lamailman

NoChoice said:


> Is she on medication of any kind?


 maybe she did just expect me to be ok with this and be like we'll have a nice life, you screwed me over but we gonna be best friends because we have kids together. No she is not on any medication except medical reasons (heart).
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## anchorwatch

1) She is trying to relieve her guilt.

2) Keep you on the hook, in case thing don't work out with Plan A, you'll be Plan B.


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## farsidejunky

Or the OM is already distancing himself. Your window of opportunity may be closing.


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## Lamailman

Doubt that is the case. She was still preaching on us being friends and my oldest kid is talking about OM by name.


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## farsidejunky

*Re: Re: wife's infedelity has her mind clouded right?*



Lamailman said:


> Doubt that is the case. She was still preaching on us being friends and my oldest kid is talking about OM by name.


Good. Proceed post haste.


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## GusPolinski

Lamailman said:


> Let me first tell you that me and my wife have rarely ever dough in our ten years together but she is famous for over reacting on everything. Well one month ago she told me she wasn't happy anymore (no fighting or anything leading up to this), told me I move out or her and the kids so I left. Well three weeks into the seperation (last week) she hits me with the line "and before someone tells you, I am seeing someone but it just started". Now I don't believe this line for one second. Obviously this guy had a hand in her making this decision. I guess she thinks the grass is greener, but it won't be with a 22 year old guy who has a history of being with alot of woman and he also lives with his aunt and can't keep a job.
> 
> Anyway she is pushing for the divorce hard and she called me tonight to talk about lawyers and just wanting to get it over with. She said she will agree to anything so I said how about split custody and she was ok with it. Well if anyone knows her she would have never been ok with not having her kids half the time. I've read people in affairs have a cloudy head but I just don't understand her thinking in this. Is she trying to rush all this so she can be with the OM, even if it means she stupid choices like this. It all seems fishy the way she is acting and ok with everything just to get this over with. What do yall think is going through her head?


Hmm...

You should've asked for full custody.


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## tom67

Bet the guy cheats on her in a few months she has "baggage" the kids.
You are actually looking more attractive to her by you pushing her away and not putting up with her crap.
It happens.


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## tom67

GusPolinski said:


> Hmm...
> 
> You should've asked for full custody.


Eh kids need a mother though not one that will go through 10 guys before they are 18.
Effing sad.


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## Lamailman

Lol I'm actually hoping she has fallen for him hard because I know he won't put up with her for long. A 22 year old with a history of going through his fair share of women definitely doesn't want to take on a woman with 2 kids and a body that is evident of carrying 2 kids lol. He is with her now for the ass and once it grows stale he will be gone.

as for the incident that happened today, man that **** felt good. It was the first time in this month from hell (seperations/dday) that I felt I had the power and I controlled the situation. By me rejecting her hug I think it shocked her and mad her think that'll he might be strong than I thought.


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## tom67

Lamailman said:


> Lol I'm actually hoping she has fallen for him hard because I know he won't put up with her for long. A 22 year old with a history of going through his fair share of women definitely doesn't want to take on a woman with 2 kids and a body that is evident of carrying 2 kids lol. He is with her now for the ass and once it grows stale he will be gone.
> 
> as for the incident that happened today, man that **** felt good. It was the first time in this month from hell (seperations/dday) that I felt I had the power and I controlled the situation. By me rejecting her hug I think it shocked her and mad her think that'll he might be strong than I thought.


:iagree:
Yes read MMSLP when you have time.


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## Lamailman

I seen a counselor today for the first time just to help me get through this and let me talk and vent. I felt it went pretty good. The dr. Kept saying he was very pleased that I was a really good guy and just the little I told him he described her as "egotistical, self centered, and very inmature". I'd say he hit the nail on the head.

She will go through many realationships like you said because she is stubborn and hard to deal with. I offered a stable home and family life but she wanted something else I guess. Sucks that she will drag my kids through this.


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## Lamailman

Tom, what's MMSLP? I'm not familiar with the acronym


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## tom67

Lamailman said:


> Tom, what's MMSLP? I'm not familiar with the acronym


Married Mans Sex Life Primer sorry

http://marriedmansexlife.com/books/:)


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## tom67

Mach used to put up this link...

Chateau Heartiste

You can also look up women and the limbic brain.
Interesting stuff.


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## Vulcan2013

Married Man Sex Life Primer, a good match for NNMNG. Title is a little misleading, but it will tell you a lot of what was wrong in your marriage and mate selection.


----------



## honcho

Lamailman said:


> maybe she did just expect me to be ok with this and be like we'll have a nice life, you screwed me over but we gonna be best friends because we have kids together. No she is not on any medication except medical reasons (heart).
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


She wants you to play along and act like it all ok. She doesn't want to be held accountable and if you play along she will just start telling herself that you really didn't want to be married either and its all for the best. Its what they do.


----------



## Lamailman

So basically she feels that if I am playing along and friendly with her, she will feel less guilt about her putting herself above the marriage and her family? She's trying to make this all one big happy life


----------



## anchorwatch

Lamailman said:


> Tom, what's MMSLP? I'm not familiar with the acronym


Married Man Sex Life


----------



## bandit.45

Lamailman said:


> So basically she feels that if I am playing along and friendly with her, she will feel less guilt about her putting herself above the marriage and her family? She's trying to make this all one big happy life


Yes. This is why women friend-zone the men they dump. It serves a couple of purposes...

First, like the others said, women use friend-zoning to assuage guilt for blowing up their relationships. If she can get you to forgive her and be her friend, she can sweep her misdeeds under the rug and go on with the friendship portion of the relationship which she enjoyed and benefitted from. 

She can tell herself that your breakup was meant to be, that you two were never really meant for each other, and that her decision to leave you was the right one. 

By friend-zoning you, she is keeping an emotional hook in you, so that in case her life goes to hell, and all these men use her and abuse her, she will always have you to fall back on. You will be her orbiter...a tool to be kept on the back of the shelf until you are needed.


----------



## Lamailman

Good points. Whatever her intentions were/are, when I refused her huge it upset her. She ended up walking away teary eyed. I guess it didn't go as planned lol.


----------



## NoChoice

Lamailman said:


> So basically she feels that if I am playing along and friendly with her, she will feel less guilt about her putting herself above the marriage and her family? She's trying to make this all one big happy life


I tend to think that she is maybe not ready to perform without a net. You're the net and knowing that at any time she can come running back saying I'm sorry and it will all go back to normal is something that has been in the back of her mind and she wanted to keep the net in place. You however, are snatching the net from under her and she is not ready.

I don't know but maybe she is seeing ****** in the armor of her new knight and is maybe beginning to realize the giant bomb she's set off. You are cutting down her options and it's uncomfortable for her. Just a possibility.


----------



## Lamailman

Seems like a good possibility you may be right. It's only a matter of time before she realizes the mistake she made. She is obviously not thinking straight if she thinks that whatever they have together will be better than what she had before. They will never work out and i can put money on that. Doesn't matter when she realizes because that net will be gone.


----------



## RWB

Lamailman said:


> Seems like a good possibility you may be right. *It's only a matter of time before she realizes the mistake she made.* She is obviously not thinking straight if she thinks that whatever they have together will be better than what she had before. They will never work out and i can put money on that. Doesn't matter when she realizes because that net will be gone.


LaMM,

It's all fun... 'til someone get an eye poked out...

In reality, she has yet to really face any consequence for her actions. I know every situation is different and trying to paint a "plan" with a broad brush is simplistic, at best. But... IMO, DD without a Nuke Attack, you just kicks the can down the road. 

"Putting on the Flame Retardant Suit"... When married women venture into EAPA with their suddenly shiny new "Soul Mate", it seems long term consequences for cra-cra decisions get pushed "off" the back-burner. 

5+ years for me post DD, I really don't advocate R or D, whatever for whomever. What I do believe in is lasting, long-term consequences for your actions. Everything else is a crap shoot. 

Did I use enough hackneyed Clichés?


----------



## honcho

NoChoice said:


> I tend to think that she is maybe not ready to perform without a net. You're the net and knowing that at any time she can come running back saying I'm sorry and it will all go back to normal is something that has been in the back of her mind and she wanted to keep the net in place. You however, are snatching the net from under her and she is not ready.
> 
> I don't know but maybe she is seeing ****** in the armor of her new knight and is maybe beginning to realize the giant bomb she's set off. You are cutting down her options and it's uncomfortable for her. Just a possibility.


They can't perform without a net. They always want to keep options open just in case. Most can't stand on there own two feet by themselves
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## happyman64

lamailman

Can I make a few suggestions for you?

1. Keep posting to this thread only. You started too many and it easier if you stick to this one since it is your latest.

2. go see an attorney. File for divorce. What state are you living/married in?

3. Take the best deal you can get. I had a good friend whose wife was having an affair. His wife admitted to the affair on Thanksgiving a few years ago on the way to work.

He ended up with the house, all the money and the kids. She just wanted out to be with the OM who was married with a newborn.

her world imploded months later. She was broke, in the OM's apt. alone without her kids or family support.

he recently remarried and had his 3rd daughter. Life will be good again for you.

4. Never be friends with her until she shows remorse and apologizes for being such a selfish biotch. And even then just be the best coparent you can be. 

She is only using now for the $$$ and every other weekend babysitting so she can be with lover boy.

Never be her Plan B.

So get an attorney on her ass. Sell the house split the assets and protect your kids as best you can from their nutty, selfish mother.

Keep posting. Here.

HM


----------



## NoChoice

honcho said:


> They can't perform without a net. They always want to keep options open just in case. Most can't stand on there own two feet by themselves
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Makes you wonder about their resolve doesn't it? They're so unsure of their decision that they want the safety of good ole BS sitting at home waiting for them to return. SURPRISE.. not always, better think about it some more before you jump out on that wire...and still they jump. Astounding.


----------



## honcho

NoChoice said:


> Makes you wonder about their resolve doesn't it? They're so unsure of their decision that they want the safety of good ole BS sitting at home waiting for them to return. SURPRISE.. not always, better think about it some more before you jump out on that wire...and still they jump. Astounding.


Just conjecture on my part but they seem to have very little resolve to begin with. Look how many WS start these messes and then never want to clean them up. The BS does the bulk of the work to get a divorce done with little cooperation from the WS yet the WS is often the ones who wanted it. 

It seems the just refuse to make a decision unsure or not. Somebody makes the decision for them eventually.


----------



## Mr Blunt

> Lamailman
> So basically she feels that if I am playing along and friendly with her, she will feel less guilt about her putting herself above the marriage and her family? She's trying to make this all one big happy life



*She is trying to manage the mess that she has made.* She will continue to have emotional turmoil and it will continue to affect her thinking. If fact it already has; who in their right mind is going to betray the spouse and the children and then think that the father is going to be kissy kissy and hugy hugy? *That is a sign of the breakdown that is on the way for your wife*.

She will either come running back to you with crockadile tears and all kinds of I NEED YOU, I LOVE YOU or she will continue to try and make her fantasy be real. If she gets a real jolt of reality or consequences in the next 30-60 days she will probably come back running to you. If not it will be like a very slow leak in the tire. She will lose air for months and months but she will eventually go flat.

If this man is a player and only wants a piece of azz then unless she has a lot of money he will dump her within a year. If not then he is co-dependent and will hang on to her. Either way she will be used.

If you want to keep us posted and especially after the holidays. I am just curious as to when she will crack!


----------



## Lamailman

Thanks for all the replies everyone. Reading you guys insight into my situation makes me feel a little better.

Sorry happyman. I started topic on seperation/divorce and when it became known about OM I posted here and then tried to keep them both up. I'll keep this one up because it gets more replies. 

Mr. Blunt, I'll do my best to keep you guys informed.

the thing about me and WW ' S interaction and conversation yesterday was she was still uttering the same "sorry we couldn't make it but we need to get along and be friends for the kids" crap. So with her saying that, I would assume she is still thinking she got a good catch with the OM, but you could definitely tell something was bothering her. Like I said she had this sad puppy dog look on her face, she was teary eyed on the verge of crying and wanted to hug me.

I think she might be having a hard time with me saying I wanted split custody of the kids. She cried on the phone because I was taking her kids way from her. Tough ****. She told me that is killing her and why do I want to hurt her like that?
Yes she had the nerve to say that like she thinks I don't know anything about being hurt or that maybe I should be concerned with her feelings lol. 

She's probably a Little bit confused now because consequences are starting to get real.


----------



## honcho

Lamailman said:


> Thanks for all the replies everyone. Reading you guys insight into my situation makes me feel a little better.
> 
> Sorry happyman. I started topic on seperation/divorce and when it became known about OM I posted here and then tried to keep them both up. I'll keep this one up because it gets more replies.
> 
> Mr. Blunt, I'll do my best to keep you guys informed.
> 
> the thing about me and WW ' S interaction and conversation yesterday was she was still uttering the same "sorry we couldn't make it but we need to get along and be friends for the kids" crap. So with her saying that, I would assume she is still thinking she got a good catch with the OM, but you could definitely tell something was bothering her. Like I said she had this sad puppy dog look on her face, she was teary eyed on the verge of crying and wanted to hug me.
> 
> I think she might be having a hard time with me saying I wanted split custody of the kids. She cried on the phone because I was taking her kids way from her. Tough ****. She told me that is killing her and why do I want to hurt her like that?
> Yes she had the nerve to say that like she thinks I don't know anything about being hurt or that maybe I should be concerned with her feelings lol.
> 
> She's probably a Little bit confused now because consequences are starting to get real.


She isn't confused about anything yet. She hasn't even begun facing the consequences yet and all she is doing is turning up her game. She doesn't like that you aren't playing ball. She will most likely play the victim/sympathy game more and more trying to keep you "playing ball". She wants you to feel like you are being unreasonable. Its your fault.

Wait until she starts in b$tchy mode if the poor me routine doesn't work.


----------



## happyman64

lamailman

Stay tough. Be firm.

Continue to show consequences. 

Keep all conversations about the divorce or kids.

She is trying to put her guilt on your shoulders.

Keep showing her consequences.

HM


----------



## tom67

happyman64 said:


> lamailman
> 
> Stay tough. Be firm.
> 
> Continue to show consequences.
> 
> Keep all conversations about the divorce or kids.
> 
> She is trying to put her guilt on your shoulders.
> 
> Keep showing her consequences.
> 
> HM


:iagree:
Replace the word head with guilt

Paul Anka - Put Your Head On My Shoulder (1963 Version) - YouTube
Anyway


----------



## Lamailman

Oh I forgot, but now I'm just thinking about it. I had a good little laugh when I got home yesterday with the kids and I started taking their bags and things out the truck. She took it upon herself to just open my truck door and start loading their stuff in but I know she had to have seen the divorce lawyer paperwork and forms I had sitting on my seat. That was probably also a contributing factor of her weirdness at the end of the kid swap.


----------



## happyman64

Wait till she sees you looking to get divorced quicker than her....

That will really freak her out.

Could your wife be pregnant by the OM?


----------



## tom67

Lamailman said:


> Oh I forgot, but now I'm just thinking about it. I had a good little laugh when I got home yesterday with the kids and I started taking their bags and things out the truck. She took it upon herself to just open my truck door and start loading their stuff in but I know she had to have seen the divorce lawyer paperwork and forms I had sitting on my seat. That was probably also a contributing factor of her weirdness at the end of the kid swap.


Stay strong bro you are doing great.
Like Rambo said she drew first blood.


----------



## tom67

happyman64 said:


> Wait till she sees you looking to get divorced quicker than her....
> 
> That will really freak her out.
> 
> Could your wife be pregnant by the OM?


OMG I hope not because who knows how a black robed demon will rule on that.


----------



## Lamailman

No fortunately she had a full hysterectomy earlier this year. She also doesn't take any hormone pills like they recommended, so that might also be a contributing factor of her craziness...............or maybe not, she was crazy before.


----------



## happyman64

Yes she is crazy.

Crazy Selfish......


----------



## LongWalk

She doesn't follow the doctors's orders to replace the missing hormones?

Menopause at 27? That's horrible. She is going to look like an old woman very soon.

A total hysterectomy is a major blow. Like having both your testicles cut off. May be causing her crazy.

Just detach from her and move on. You maybe fortunate to be rid of her. 

Get the divorce done asap.


----------



## Lamailman

LongWalk said:


> She doesn't follow the doctors's orders to replace the missing hormones?
> 
> Menopause at 27? That's horrible. She is going to look like an old woman very soon.
> 
> A total hysterectomy is a major blow. Like having both your testicles cut off. May be causing her crazy.
> 
> Just detach from her and move on. You maybe fortunate to be rid of her.
> 
> Get the divorce done asap.


possibly looking at a beard in her future? Lol

Serious note. I'm sure I'll have something good to add today when I go bring back the kids this evening. Looking forward to it but also not looking forward to it at the same time.


----------



## Lamailman

Really aggravated at the moment. My 2 little kids have been bringing up mommy's new bf this weekend and how he bought my oldest a bday present this past week. But she claims he don't go around the kids but they know his name and they at least talked to him on the phone to say what she wanted for her bday. MFer already trying to buy my kids love. Im not a violent person at all and have never hit anyone in my life but Someone please tell me why I shouldn't slap the piss out of her today when I bring the kids back and go find her b/f and wrap that present around his head?


----------



## NoChoice

Lamailman said:


> Really aggravated at the moment. My 2 little kids have been bringing up mommy's new bf this weekend and how he bought my oldest a bday present this past week. But she claims he don't go around the kids but they know his name and they at least talked to him on the phone to say what she wanted for her bday. MFer already trying to buy my kids love. Im not a violent person at all and have never hit anyone in my life but Someone please tell me why I shouldn't slap the piss out of her today when I bring the kids back and go find her b/f and wrap that present around his head?


Because your kids need you and an assault and battery charge right now would do horrifically more harm to an already bad situation. And will damage or destroy any chance of getting/sharing custody of your kids. Your wife is not behaving rationally, don't add to it by doing the same. Your kids will know what's true, kids have a sense for these things. Love them, nurture them and be Dad. Money can't buy that my friend.


----------



## Lamailman

Thanks. That seems like a good enough reason not to. At this point I'm pissed at her but I hope this guy eventually gets what's coming to him. Someone already put him in the hospital for the same thing by beating his head in with a bottle, guess he didn't learn.


----------



## honcho

They never learn and don't do anything stupid. Anything you do or say against Mr perfect will just start making him a victim too in her head. She would just start the jealous monster spin. 
The om in my situation was a pro at this game. He has been beat up, put in hospital, had his home and car trashed too many times to count. It doesn't bother or slow them down one bit.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Mr.Fisty

honcho said:


> They never learn and don't do anything stupid. Anything you do or say against Mr perfect will just start making him a victim too in her head. She would just start the jealous monster spin.
> The om in my situation was a pro at this game. He has been beat up, put in hospital, had his home and car trashed too many times to count. It doesn't bother or slow them down one bit.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


That is because they never tried kicking them repeatedly in the balls. 

You gotta kick the balls until they become useless.


----------



## Lamailman

Yea that would work, give me a few good kicks. Wish we would just snip these clowns, they don't respect what's not theirs and plus they don't need to be reproducing.


----------



## Wolfman1968

tom67 said:


> Eh kids need a mother though not one that will go through 10 guys before they are 18.
> Effing sad.


Eh, kids need a FATHER as well. 

He should have asked for full custody.


----------



## Lamailman

Well it seems her breakdown is beginning lol. She called me a few minutes before I bring the kids back to her to ask if I work tomorrow (my work day is optional tomorrow but she don't know that), well I told her I had to work. She then says oh well I thought you. Could keep them an extra night to spend time with them so I can also fill out job applications. I well sorry I have to work. She then starts crying well I don't have anyone for the kids for me to do the job thing and it doesn't bother you because your world is perfect. Lol hey babe that's single mom problems, don't burden me with your problems


----------



## honcho

And the real reason is she probably wanted to go have fun with Mr wonderful. I heard the job interview line myself. We didn't have kids but when she wanted something she would "act" like she is trying to be responsible.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## FormerSelf

honcho said:


> And the real reason is she probably wanted to go have fun with Mr wonderful. I heard the job interview line myself. We didn't have kids but when she wanted something she would "act" like she is trying to be responsible.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yep she just wanted a free babysitter for alone time with the bottomfeeder. If she had time to be a wife/mom AND flirt and text with OM with enough regularity to jumpstart an affair, then she can easily do some job applications.


----------



## Lamailman

Yea her mom always watched our kids if we needed something, but she told me the other day that she refuses to watch the kids for my WW to go do things. She doesn't approve of what she did and she says she won't make it easy for her to go play around. So I assume because she said she doesn't have anyone for the kids tomorrow, so her mom must have told her no.


----------



## anchorwatch

Her mom caught on quick. If no one enables her, she'll catch on a single parent has responsibilities that don't allow a singles lifestyle. No different than you.


----------



## Lamailman

I just exchanged the kids with her and she seemed to be ok now, in fact she was trying to make it a point to rub some things in my face. I took everything out my vehicle and put it in her car, and when I was kissing the kids bye she told them "hey kids guess what mommy has now, I have yall names on me but I'll show yall later" . I never was fond of her adding more tattoos so she was making it a point for me to hear so she could rub it in a little. She's trying to change her appearance for whatever reason, she cut her hair short and it's different color, she pierced her lip and is adding tattoos. But I didn't let it bother me, I kissed my kids bye and then just walk over to my truck and got in. I glanced over to make sure no one was walking out in front of my vehicle before pulling off and I see her with a huge smile on her face and she blows me a kiss sarcasticly. Lol. I guess she thinks she is bothering me but I don't show her anything


----------



## bandit.45

What is it with all these WWs becoming tat skanks?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lamailman

Not sure but im not into it.

not sure what's going on now but apparently she's starting to freak out a little because she is seeing that I'm not playing her games anymore. She called me earlier to try to provoke a fight I guess, but i think she was mad that the two kids were crying and saying they wanted to be back with me. She was mad at me because the oldest was saying she hated her and new b/f and she wish she could be with me forever. She mad e the comment that we'll I'm sure they are the same when they with you , that they want to be with me. I said well not really the oldest says she misses you but the youngest begs me to say that she don't want to go back to you. And that really pisses her off.

she kept trying to justify her new b/f and saying she deserves to be happy and move on and I just kept repeating "I don't care". It seed to really be striking a nerve with her because no matter what she said to try to provoke me I just would repeat, good I've moved on and I don't care. I was in total control it felt good and she didn't know what to do. She was getting choked up on the phone and I could hear the uncertainty in her voice. It all came to and end when she said, "oh so you don't care huh, well what if I died tomorrow? You wouldnt care?" And i replied "nope, ill just collect your life insurance check". I know this was mean and I'm not usually like this but she pushed my buttons. Well she hung up on me and I could tell it upset her. But it was kinda funny


----------



## Lamailman

anchorwatch said:


> Her mom caught on quick. If no one enables her, she'll catch on a single parent has responsibilities that don't allow a singles lifestyle. No different than you.


yea I agree with you. She wasn't happy about this and won't enable her daughter to play around on her behalf.


----------



## Mr.Fisty

Lol. You took yourself out of the game, and now she doesn't know what to do.


----------



## honcho

Lamailman said:


> Not sure but im not into it.
> 
> not sure what's going on now but apparently she's starting to freak out a little because she is seeing that I'm not playing her games anymore. She called me earlier to try to provoke a fight I guess, but i think she was mad that the two kids were crying and saying they wanted to be back with me. She was mad at me because the oldest was saying she hated her and new b/f and she wish she could be with me forever. She mad e the comment that we'll I'm sure they are the same when they with you , that they want to be with me. I said well not really the oldest says she misses you but the youngest begs me to say that she don't want to go back to you. And that really pisses her off.
> 
> she kept trying to justify her new b/f and saying she deserves to be happy and move on and I just kept repeating "I don't care". It seed to really be striking a nerve with her because no matter what she said to try to provoke me I just would repeat, good I've moved on and I don't care. I was in total control it felt good and she didn't know what to do. She was getting choked up on the phone and I could hear the uncertainty in her voice. It all came to and end when she said, "oh so you don't care huh, well what if I died tomorrow? You wouldnt care?" And i replied "nope, ill just collect your life insurance check". I know this was mean and I'm not usually like this but she pushed my buttons. Well she hung up on me and I could tell it upset her. But it was kinda funny


Guess she is going to go to b*tchy stage quicker than I thought. She is doing all this for a reason to keep you attached. Next time she calls if its not something directly related to your kids wellbeing just hang up. 

You have no reason to chat with her and all she wants to do is create drama and each and everything you say will get spun around. Just don't play.


----------



## Lamailman

Yea I think you are right. I think she is starting to freak out a little because she seeing I am detaching and pulling away. She is already pulling the phone call crap, texting me to call my kids. I call then I talk to my kids for 10 second then she jumps on.

If she is so happy with her new man and wants to move on with her life, why call to fight about stuff she claims was wrong with our realationship? She was trying to say this was wrong and of course I was the blame. I didn't bring any of this up and I didn't even want to argue. All I would do was respond okkkkk, well you moved on , get over it. I moved on and I don't care anymore. And it would just upset her more that I wasn't putting up a fight.

what the hell is the point of even wanting to fight when there is no fight to be had? Lol


----------



## honcho

Lamailman said:


> Yea I think you are right.Ã‚Â* I think she is starting to freak out a little because she seeing I am detaching and pulling away.Ã‚Â* She is already pulling the phone call crap, texting me to call my kids.Ã‚Â* I call then I talk to my kids for 10 second then she jumps on.
> 
> If she is so happy with her new man and wants to move on with her life, why call to fight about stuff she claims was wrong with our realationship?Ã‚Â*Ã‚Â* She was trying to say this was wrong and of course I was the blame.Ã‚Â* I didn't bring any of this up and I didn't even want to argue. All I would do was respond okkkkk,Ã‚Â* well you moved on , get over it.Ã‚Â* I moved on and I don't care anymore.Ã‚Â* And it would just upset her more that I wasn't putting up a fight.


She still needs to convince and justify herself in this mess. If you fight with her, then she can say you have always been the unreasonable one always wanting to fight. If you just agree with everything then you don't care. Its part of the no-win game they want to play.

She thinks herself something special and her ego wants you to fight so she can control the situation more than anything. You cant possibly move on from her, that is what she is telling herself.


----------



## Lamailman

Yea because I said something, I don't remember what it was and she said ahhhhhh, so you wasn't happy too so this is the right thing to do. She got excited because she thought I was admitting to the marriage being a failure and justifying her actions. I responded to that with, "no I didn't say anything like that, i didnt say that I wasn't happy, don't put word in my mouth".


----------



## Mr Right

Sorry to hear what you are going through Lamailman, I had to have a laugh at your wife she sounds exactly the same as one of my old Girlfriends I spent 6 years with. I also gave her everything and did everything for her and one day I caught her in bed with a guy who was 10 years older than her at her sisters place. Anyway to cut a long story short she wanted to be friends and all the rest and I just dropped her like a sack of spuds and she moved with this POS 1000 miles away and he did the dirty on her and left her about 12 months later. One day she rocked up at my place and we started to hang out again and she wouldn't leave me alone so I told her we will see where it goes, about 6 months later she cheated again, this time with a couple who I knew and were into swinging so I gave her the arse again. She's married now with 2 kids (girls) and she got my number off a friend and she's sending me texts saying how I'm the nicest guy she has ever known and she's never felt attraction like we had, LOL. Some free advice, leopards NEVER change there spots!!!


----------



## Mr Blunt

> If she gets a real jolt of reality or consequences in the next 30-60 days she will probably come back running to you. If not it will be like a very slow leak in the tire. She will lose air for months and months but she will eventually go flat.


The consequences are starting to show up. Her mom is not going to baby sit for her because mom knows she is acting like a skank, her children want to be with you and not her, she is not having much success in manipulating you for her emotional needs, etc. Her fantasy with the OM will not be what she expected and will probably be her next consequence. Expect her consequences to affect her through the holidays.

She is a leaking tire that may have a blowout but most certainly she will leak until she is flat. Your job is to concentrate on you and your children and force yourself to forget her in every situation. Right now she can only bring you down and has nothing to offer you getting better. I know it is giving you some satisfaction that she wants to call you all the time and you get to hear her start to deteriorate but make sure that you do not let her distract you from improving and getting closer to your children. That is what will matter in the months and years to come.

*The best thing that can happen to you is that you keep improving yourself and getting closer to your children. This may take months or years but it will pay you great dividends in the future. Allowing her to take up your time and thoughts is very detrimental to you getting much better.*

Have patience, do the right things, and wait for your rewards. Use minds over emotions as much you can!


----------



## Lamailman

Definitely not getting satisfaction from her calling me more than she has to. I still get a sick feeling in my stomach when I see it's her calling. This would be easier if I didn't have to deal with her as much or even at all. Unfortunately I have to maintain contact and a relationship with her because we have kids.

I'm expecting this to become real for her during the upcoming holidays because I know it will be tough on me. I don't know what's going on in her her and I'm not sure what she wants, hell I don't think she even knows what she wants. From the way she is acting and the stuff she says, she just seems lost. I am concentrating on my kids right now and that's what matters the most. I'm not trying to get caught up on her train wreck of emotions and confusion.


----------



## farsidejunky

LA:

I would familiarize yourself with three statements that will help immensely in the 180, and will keep you from engaging in the no win arguments:

"I am sorry you feel that way."

"I am not okay with you doing x (eg. mischaracterization of our marriage, trying to manipulate me, etc.)"

And if she still won't quit:

"Are you done?"

This reflects the negative emotions she is trying to project on to you right back at her. It will more than likely drive her crazy because you are emotionally communicating with her that you will not engage.


----------



## anchorwatch

farsidejunky said:


> LA:
> 
> I would familiarize yourself with three statements that will help immensely in the 180, and will keep you from engaging in the no win arguments:
> 
> "I am sorry you feel that way."
> 
> "I am not okay with you doing x (eg. mischaracterization of our marriage, trying to manipulate me, etc.)"
> 
> And if she still won't quit:
> 
> "Are you done?"
> 
> This reflects the negative emotions she is trying to project on to you right back at her. It will more than likely drive her crazy because you are emotionally communicating with her that you will not engage.


:iagree:

Cut back on the communication with her. It only enables her bs. She has to learn how to handle things on her own, your kids are dependent on her growing up. If she won't you have to. 

Print this list out, hang it on your shaving mirror, live it... 180 List


----------



## bandit.45

When she calls, let it go to VM. Wait 5 or 10 minutes before calling back. Even longer regarding texts. It will make her squirm and teach her you're not her dog on a leash.


----------



## RWB

LaMM,

Remember, the 180 is not for you to punish the un-remorseful WS, even if it is tempting. It's to give you an effective means to deal with the Real Life Trauma that your wife has dumped in your lap. By detaching, you don't live in the drama that she has created, day by day. 

It seems you are handling things much better than a just a few days ago. Keep the phone calls down to the business of children and bills. If at all possible, when exchanging kids do not interact... drop off, pick up. 

Bottom Line... You have a front row seat to a pre-destined Train Wreck. 

99.9% chance that her romance with junior is going to blow up within the next few months if not weeks. 

You need to start mentally preparing for the day. More than likely, the children (while still pissed) will want their family back. You wife will see the bleakness on the horizon and put on the "wet puppy costume". 

Prepare...


----------



## Lamailman

Thanks RWB, 

I'm trying to keep focused on the 180. I usually do a good job of only interacting with her a small amount when we exchange the kids. I get out , take care of business, but she usually asks me a question or two about bills/money or divorce or something else and I just reply with minimum amount of words. I usually don't even look at her and keep doing what I'm doing.

My kids are my top concern.Idk if that day will ever come that she tries to come back but im not looking forward to that and I try not to think about it. It's just something I'd rather not deal with. But I do look forward to her realizing the grass isn't greener and the real world is harder than she thinks when someone isn't taking care of her like I did.


----------



## bandit.45

Just keep reminding her that she fired you when she expects you to do things. You are technically no longer her husband. All the privileges and conveniences she enjoyed while having you as her husband are gone. She can hire her help out now.


----------



## Forest

Just for fun, next time you see her, ask her how things are going with the new BF, etc. Mention that you're going to go out with some people, maybe a blind date. Buy some new clothes, have a slightly different haircut. She'll really notice that stuff. Will drive her nuts for sure.


----------



## LongWalk

You don't want her back anymore, do you?


----------



## bandit.45

Forest said:


> Just for fun, next time you see her, ask her how things are going with the new BF, etc. Mention that you're going to go out with some people, maybe a blind date. Buy some new clothes, have a slightly different haircut. She'll really notice that stuff. Will drive her nuts for sure.


Total indifference works better. 

She should be the one asking him about his life. I do agree about the new clothes and haircut.


----------



## Graywolf2

Lamailman said:


> Yea because I said something, I don't remember what it was and she said ahhhhhh, so you wasn't happy too so this is the right thing to do. She got excited because she thought I was admitting to the marriage being a failure and justifying her actions.


Your wife is having buyer’s remorse. She sold one house (you) and moved into another. The new house was very expensive and has many problems that she wasn’t aware of. In order to not feel like a fool she has to find fault with the old house.




Lamailman said:


> if that day will ever come that she tries to come back but im not looking forward to that and I try not to think about it.


This is also laying the groundwork for making you the villain for not getting back together someday. She's trying to rewrite history. You both contributed equally to a bad marriage and now she wants to give it another chance for the kids. If you say “no” you’re bad. How could you make the kids suffer like that?

You need to make a few comments about how the marriage wasn’t perfect but you and the kids were happy and you thought she was too. Basically lay the groundwork for her affair destroying your otherwise happy family. Tell friends this too.

You should even make true comments about past happy family times and how beautiful she looked last Thanksgiving (for example). Tell her that of course D-day changed everything and you both should head for divorce ASAP. You want her to be happy.

Then go back to the 180 and as little contact as possible.


----------



## happyman64

Lamailman said:


> Well it seems her breakdown is beginning lol. She called me a few minutes before I bring the kids back to her to ask if I work tomorrow (my work day is optional tomorrow but she don't know that), well I told her I had to work. She then says oh well I thought you. Could keep them an extra night to spend time with them so I can also fill out job applications. I well sorry I have to work. She then starts crying well I don't have anyone for the kids for me to do the job thing and it doesn't bother you because your world is perfect. *Lol hey babe that's single mom problems, don't burden me with your problems*


You should have said those exact words to her.

Where is her BF now???


----------



## Q tip

Hit the gym, get super buf and stay that way. Date hot younger women. The further she's off in the rear view mirror the better.


----------



## Lamailman

Forest said:


> Just for fun, next time you see her, ask her how things are going with the new BF, etc. Mention that you're going to go out with some people, maybe a blind date. Buy some new clothes, have a slightly different haircut. She'll really notice that stuff. Will drive her nuts for sure.


 Yea a friend gave me that idea last night. He said next time I bring the kids back, wear nice clothes and have cologne on and if she asks why I'm fixed up just tell her I'm going meet someone.


----------



## Q tip

Mr Right said:


> Sorry to hear what you are going through Lamailman, I had to have a laugh at your wife she sounds exactly the same as one of my old Girlfriends I spent 6 years with. I also gave her everything and did everything for her and one day I caught her in bed with a guy who was 10 years older than her at her sisters place. Anyway to cut a long story short she wanted to be friends and all the rest and I just dropped her like a sack of spuds and she moved with this POS 1000 miles away and he did the dirty on her and left her about 12 months later. One day she rocked up at my place and we started to hang out again and she wouldn't leave me alone so I told her we will see where it goes, about 6 months later she cheated again, this time with a couple who I knew and were into swinging so I gave her the arse again. She's married now with 2 kids (girls) and she got my number off a friend and she's sending me texts saying how I'm the nicest guy she has ever known and she's never felt attraction like we had, LOL. Some free advice, leopards NEVER change there spots!!!


The spots age fast though. Much faster than average.


----------



## Q tip

I sense she will cheat on the BF... She is in no way settled. Here comes the spiral.


----------



## Lamailman

bandit.45 said:


> Just keep reminding her that she fired you when she expects you to do things. You are technically no longer her husband. All the privileges and conveniences she enjoyed while having you as her husband are gone. She can hire her help out now.


Exactly, by her mom refusing to watch the kids for her to do things and me not helping her out more than I have to, it is making it hard on her and she seemed that the single life isn't all that great. She has this b/f but he's not at the point of giving her money or taking care of her kids f.


----------



## tom67

Lamailman said:


> Exactly, by her mom refusing to watch the kids for her to do things and me not helping her out more than I have to, it is making it hard on her and she seemed that the single life isn't all that great. She has this b/f but he's not at the point of giving her money or taking care of her kids f.


You should put the boy toy on cheaterville and send it to his coworkers and boss.
He needs some consequences imo.


----------



## Tobyboy

Has she admitted to her cheating before she moved out? 

I suggest that next time she wants to ask a question during kid exchange, tell to email you instead and you'll get back to her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lamailman

Tobyboy said:


> Has she admitted to her cheating before she moved out?
> 
> I suggest that next time she wants to ask a question during kid exchange, tell to email you instead and you'll get back to her.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


She hasnt admitted anything besides saying she is seeing the guy. She was trying to argue last night by saying you can't get me on adultery because no has happened yet. We haven't had sex yet. And I just said I didn't care and I'm not trying to get her on adultery, just a straight up divorce.


----------



## Lamailman

tom67 said:


> Lamailman said:
> 
> 
> 
> Exactly, by her mom refusing to watch the kids for her to do things and me not helping her out more than I have to, it is making it hard on her and she seemed that the single life isn't all that great. She has this b/f but he's not at the point of giving her money or taking care of her kids f.
> 
> 
> 
> You should put the boy toy on cheaterville and send it to his coworkers and boss.
> He needs some consequences imo.
Click to expand...

From what I heard he can't keep a job and plus the jobs he works, it wouldn't matter if they knew that about him. That would probably be worthy of a high five in that workplace.


----------



## AlphaProvider

Lamailman said:


> I agree. Now is the time to get it with her willing to throw everything away for her OM. She's hardly a cougar, she's only 27 lol. She's barely worked in her life as I've been providing for her since we got together 10 years ago, I just can't believe she isn't trying to get anything out of me. She will come out of this with a vehicle, some child support, split custody and our home is still up in the air but that would be it. Talk about head in the clouds lol


She's being an idiot. You can't convince her out of it, but you can let her fall on her face herself.

She has no idea how much your support means to her, even making her look more attractive to the other guy. Remove the support.

For most of us betrayed, even if you want your spouse back alot of times you gotta let them go and let life teach them their lesson.

And it's not worth waiting around for them either.


----------



## warlock07

Resist the temptation to make mocking or derogatory remarks. That will only fuel her justifications and anger towards you. Speak back only when you have to or for standing up to your boundaries.. Follow the 180. Don't do stuff to get a reaction out of her.

Don't wrestle with pigs. You both get dirty and the pigs like it.

If you can actually get her to prove that she is applying for the jobs, then taking care of the kids is not a bad idea IMO.


----------



## Lamailman

AlphaProvider said:


> Lamailman said:
> 
> 
> 
> I agree. Now is the time to get it with her willing to throw everything away for her OM. She's hardly a cougar, she's only 27 lol. She's barely worked in her life as I've been providing for her since we got together 10 years ago, I just can't believe she isn't trying to get anything out of me. She will come out of this with a vehicle, some child support, split custody and our home is still up in the air but that would be it. Talk about head in the clouds lol
> 
> 
> 
> She's being an idiot. You can't convince her out of it, but you can let her fall on her face herself.
> 
> She has no idea how much your support means to her, even making her look more attractive to the other guy. Remove the support.
> 
> For most of us betrayed, even if you want your spouse back alot of times you gotta let them go and let life teach them their lesson.
> 
> And it's not worth waiting around for them either.
Click to expand...

Oh I know, it's hard to cut off my support to her because I give her a set amount for the kids but I know she is using some on herself but nothing I can really do about that. She has a new haircut, lip pierced, some new clothes. My dollar is making her over and the OM is enjoying it


----------



## RV9

She'll become a monster. Your best strategy is to be civil around her. She'd want drama. Don't get provoked. She can hurt you only when you play her games.


----------



## AlphaProvider

Lamailman said:


> Oh I know, it's hard to cut off my support to her because I give her a set amount for the kids but I know she is using some on herself but nothing I can really do about that. She has a new haircut, lip pierced, some new clothes. My dollar is making her over and the OM is enjoying it


Grooming her for the OM. Just great. I think you can cut it out and find a way to ensure money is spent properly on the kids. Perhaps you see if you can spend it yourself on each item they need.


----------



## Lamailman

Yea I was thinking about going do the grocery shopping for them and bring the groceries to them. I have been giving a fare amount of money to support the kids during this seperation . She told me she didnt have any money because she spent it all on food but my oldest kid told me yesterday they don't have any food in the house.


----------



## AlphaProvider

Lamailman said:


> Yea I was thinking about going do the grocery shopping for them and bring the groceries to them. I have been giving a fare amount of money to support the kids during this seperation . She told me she didnt have any money because she spent it all on food but my oldest kid told me yesterday they don't have any food in the house.


Yeah, buy those kids exactly what they need pay for whatever services and schooling and clothes. For the wife, you don't want to give her a single dollar, let the OM man up and show his worth.


----------



## Lamailman

I'm interested to see his worth myself. I'd like to know just how serious he is about their relationship. Was it worth it enough to ruin my kids lives?


----------



## bandit.45

Just make it clear to her she gets nothing from you outside of expenses for the kids and whatever bills you have agreed to pay. 

If her car breaks down on the freeway? If the kids are not with her let her call her boyfriend to pick her up. Otherwise she can call a towtruck for a ride. 

If her dryer conks out...she can hang the clothes on a rack or clothesline. 

If she needs new tires on her car? She can get a fvcking job or a bus pass.


----------



## syhoybenden

No food in the house ... hmmmm ... she doing drugs ya think?


----------



## bandit.45

AlphaProvider said:


> Yeah, buy those kids exactly what they need pay for whatever services and schooling and clothes. For the wife, you don't want to give her a single dollar, let the OM man up and show his worth.


The minute she realizes you are no longer at her beck and call, she will transfer the burden onto him. No way he will put up with that. That would mean he'd be earning the right to have sex with her. That's no fun...


----------



## AlphaProvider

bandit.45 said:


> The minute she realizes you are no longer at her beck and call, she will transfer the burden onto him. No way he will put up with that. That would mean he'd be earning the right to have sex with her. That's no fun...


He didn't sign up for all that. It's why you get out of her ear and don't support her. So she no longer gets to put stress on you or responsiblity. Let her lean on him, and it's something he never intended to allow.


----------



## vellocet

Lamailman said:


> Yea I was thinking about going do the grocery shopping for them and bring the groceries to them. I have been giving a fare amount of money to support the kids during this seperation . She told me she didnt have any money because she spent it all on food but my oldest kid told me yesterday they don't have any food in the house.


Document this! Go for custody.


----------



## turnera

Lamailman said:


> Yea I was thinking about going do the grocery shopping for them and bring the groceries to them. I have been giving a fare amount of money to support the kids during this separation. She told me she didn't have any money because she spent it all on food but my oldest kid told me yesterday they don't have any food in the house.


This isn't foolproof, but you can buy gift cards that can only be used at her local grocery store, give her that instead of giving her money for food.


----------



## Lamailman

syhoybenden said:


> No food in the house ... hmmmm ... she doing drugs ya think?


I don't know. My brother in law know the OM and said he smokes weed but that might be a lie.


----------



## BobSimmons

Why the flip are you giving her money? 

She wants out then she has to work to make sure that when the kids come over they have enough food to eat. This is how life works.

Until she gets a job where she can feed the kids then make sure you get her one of those cards where the money can only be redeemed on groceries.


----------



## BetrayedDad

1) She's been cheating on you for months, maybe years. She just found this guy three weeks ago? Please. She's been prepping your replacement for a while. There were probably other guys too. Think about when she FIRST started acting emotionally distant to you. That'll give you a good approximation on when the affair started.

2) She's an ungrateful selfish idiot. She's offering you a superstar divorce? I promise you there is an expiration date on the offer and eventually when fog clears up she'll want more. Take the deal NOW! But don't look happy or eager about it. Pretend to be all bummed out and struggling but sign off on eveything quickly. Tell her you just want her to be happy and all that crap. Bail out now while there is still a golden parachute left. Engaging her will only hurt your chances at a clean getaway.

3) Get off her radar now. Don't talk to her unless you absolutely have to. Leave her in fantasyland. Do the 180. Your old relationship is DEAD. Lose weight, go to the gym 5 days a week. Get back to your high school physique. Dress well. If you can muster it, join some dating sites and go on some dates. Just have fun, maybe get laid. Hang out with friends, look up old ones. Pick up old hobbies.

4) This is the hardest part. Eventually, it may take months or even years but she will BEG you to take her back. She'll get dumped by OM or she'll realize life is hard and she needs to do actual work for things. DON'T FALL FOR IT! She's damaged goods now and you deserve better than sloppy seconds. She wants to be your friend because of guilt but more importantly cause she wants plan B around (YOU). Once you get out run for the hills and never look back. You may not know it now but eventually you'll wake up and realize a) she was dead weight b) she did you a favor. The kids always lose in these situations but mommy being a wh0re is on her head not yours.

Good Luck.


----------



## honcho

Lamailman said:


> I'm interested to see his worth myself. I'd like to know just how serious he is about their relationship. Was it worth it enough to ruin my kids lives?


His worth? Really? He is what 22 and living with his aunt and cant hold a job down. He is having his fun for now, he will grow tired of her and bail. 

He didn't ruin your kids lives, he has part in it don't get me wrong but your spouse is responsible.


----------



## Lamailman

Oh I'm not saving her from blame. She is the one at fault but he absolutely knows she had a husband and small kids but because he has no morals he goes with it.


----------



## Augusto

If there is no chance for r, take advantage of the fog and get as much as you can now.


----------



## Lamailman

Little bit of an update

Not really directly involved with my situation but very interesting to say the least. We moved to the street where we lived sometime mid summer. Well across the street was also a young couple our age. My wife and the girl across the street slowly became better and better friends because out kids played in the yard together and went to the same school. Eventually they were together all the time and were best friends.

Fast forward a little bit, me and my wife split a month a half ago and then two weeks ago she tells me she is seeing someone, okay. Well 2 weeks ago, I find out that this other couple across the street is also having marriage problems and are now seperated. So now just a few minutes ago I find out that she was seeing someone also so that's why she left him.

Do skanks flock together? This isn't just coincidence. I'm sure that the two guys must know each other and our two wives must have been plotting this.

Funny thing is that our two wives are much alike. They wouldn't have **** if it wouldn't for the devoted husband out there working to provide for their families as both of these women never really worked.

What do you guys think of this? Coincidence or they talked each other into making this jump? The two OM have to be connected right?


----------



## Mr.Fisty

Since your wife hasn't shown this behavior in the past, she was probably influenced by your neighbor.

Hard to say, without any more information.

When people are in groups, they will tend to follow the lowest common denominator. 

Hence, why toxic people are detrimental to relationships.


----------



## Lamailman

Yea I could see that being the case. Acting skanky wasn't something new to this woman because they split for a short time before like a few months ago because the husband found out she made out with his good friend.


----------



## phillybeffandswiss

Lamailman said:


> Oh I'm not saving her from blame. She is the one at fault but he absolutely knows she had a husband and small kids but because he has no morals he goes with it.


Your wife has no morals, a 22 year old woman or man is sill forming/testing theirs. Oh he's wrong, but I lay much more blame on your wife.


----------



## honcho

Lamailman said:


> Little bit of an update
> 
> Not really directly involved with my situation but very interesting to say the least. We moved to the street where we lived sometime mid summer. Well across the street was also a young couple our age. My wife and the girl across the street slowly became better and better friends because out kids played in the yard together and went to the same school. Eventually they were together all the time and were best friends.
> 
> Fast forward a little bit, me and my wife split a month a half ago and then two weeks ago she tells me she is seeing someone, okay. Well 2 weeks ago, I find out that this other couple across the street is also having marriage problems and are now seperated. So now just a few minutes ago I find out that she was seeing someone also so that's why she left him.
> 
> Do skanks flock together? This isn't just coincidence. I'm sure that the two guys must know each other and our two wives must have been plotting this.
> 
> Funny thing is that our two wives are much alike. They wouldn't have **** if it wouldn't for the devoted husband out there working to provide for their families as both of these women never really worked.
> 
> What do you guys think of this? Coincidence or they talked each other into making this jump? The two OM have to be connected right?


They do seem to flock together. My stbx new great toxic friends she met shortly before my disaster first started were all either getting divorced, cheating on boyfriends and whatnot. Guess she wanted to be part of the group.


----------



## LongWalk

Lamailman said:


> No fortunately she had a full hysterectomy earlier this year. She also doesn't take any hormone pills like they recommended, so that might also be a contributing factor of her craziness...............or maybe not, she was crazy before.


She is going through a difficult time. Just detach but do not feed emotional drama.


----------



## Lamailman

LongWalk said:


> Lamailman said:
> 
> 
> 
> No fortunately she had a full hysterectomy earlier this year. She also doesn't take any hormone pills like they recommended, so that might also be a contributing factor of her craziness...............or maybe not, she was crazy before.
> 
> 
> 
> She is going through a difficult time. Just detach but do not feed emotional drama.
Click to expand...

Yea I'm going through a tough time too. I don't feel sorry for her.


----------



## happyman64

Why not call the husband of the couple across the street and compare stories?

Two heads are better than one.


----------



## manfromlamancha

happyman64 said:


> Why not call the husband of the couple across the street and compare stories?
> 
> Two heads are better than one.


Very good idea!


----------



## Lamailman

Yea I thought about doing that when my mother in law told me about that couples seperations. But I decided not to because she said she wouldn't advise me to call him because the situation sent him off the deep end.


----------



## phillybeffandswiss

Lamailman said:


> she said she wouldn't advise me to call him because the situation sent him off the deep end.


....and? Did you ask her what the deep end was or what he said? You realize, he may have "went off the deep end" because he feels or has proof your wife was the cause of their separation?

Remember, that is still her daughter no matter how helpful she is right now.


----------



## manfromlamancha

Yeah I would contact him to compare notes. He may shed some light on your situation. In any case, whatever deep end he went off (and I mean this in a positive way), misery loves company.


----------



## Lamailman

phillybeffandswiss said:


> Lamailman said:
> 
> 
> 
> she said she wouldn't advise me to call him because the situation sent him off the deep end.
> 
> 
> 
> ....and? Did you ask her what the deep end was or what he said? You realize, he may have "went off the deep end" because he feels or has proof your wife was the cause of their separation?
> 
> Remember, that is still her daughter no matter how helpful she is right now.
Click to expand...

Yea of course I realize that is still her daughter and she might be trying to protect her or what not but she has also been the only one shedding some light on my situation with me. She has call/texted me a few times to discuss it with me and told me things I didn't know.

He probably does have some inside info that I don't know and it would be worth the try to contact him. Him going off the deep end consisted of him and his wife's dad fist fighting among other things in the recent weeks.


----------



## BWBill

_Him going off the deep end consisted of him and his wife's dad fist fighting among other things in the recent weeks. _

Maybe the dad went off the deep end when he was told his daughter was a cheater.


----------



## Lamailman

BWBill said:


> _Him going off the deep end consisted of him and his wife's dad fist fighting among other things in the recent weeks. _
> 
> Maybe the dad went off the deep end when he was told his daughter was a cheater.


This could be true, I don't know.


----------



## Borntohang

Have thought that he might be the guy your STBX is seeing? The neighbor? She hung out with them...


----------



## Lamailman

No its not him. I know who the OM is.


----------



## Lamailman

Why is it that I have good days and bad days? I was doing fine the last few days and then today I down. Anxiety was high, couldn't get her out of my mind, had the mind movies which lead to being depressed and the sick feeling in my stomach returning. Is this how it's gonna be for a long time? do you think something triggered it?


----------



## Jasel

Lamailman said:


> Why is it that I have good days and bad days? I was doing fine the last few days and then today I down. Anxiety was high, couldn't get her out of my mind, had the mind movies which lead to being depressed and the sick feeling in my stomach returning. Is this how it's gonna be for a long time? do you think something triggered it?


Your wife cheated on you. That's what triggered it. You're going to have a roller coaster of emotions for some time but everyone says it gets better and less frequent.


----------



## Lamailman

I hope so because I've been in a bit of a funk.


----------



## RV9

Lamailman said:


> Why is it that I have good days and bad days? I was doing fine the last few days and then today I down. Anxiety was high, couldn't get her out of my mind, had the mind movies which lead to being depressed and the sick feeling in my stomach returning. Is this how it's gonna be for a long time? do you think something triggered it?


Memories, change in environment effects us on a physical level. Get some antidepressants if needed. This is what you call an emotional roller-coaster. 

Just hang in there. It gets better- coz it can't get any worse.


----------



## Lamailman

RV9 said:


> Lamailman said:
> 
> 
> 
> Why is it that I have good days and bad days? I was doing fine the last few days and then today I down. Anxiety was high, couldn't get her out of my mind, had the mind movies which lead to being depressed and the sick feeling in my stomach returning. Is this how it's gonna be for a long time? do you think something triggered it?
> 
> 
> 
> Memories, change in environment effects us on a physical level. Get some antidepressants if needed. This is what you call an emotional roller-coaster.
> 
> Just hang in there. It gets better- coz it can't get any worse.
Click to expand...

Yea that's what I keep telling myself. I try to keep my mind busy but it's impossible to stop yourself from thinking about it. I know it will be rocky for a year and maybe more but I try to take it on day at a time and just try to keep positive that it can only go up from here.


----------



## shellgames

Sari asap! It takes a few months to kick in so sooner the better. With them I deal better even though triggers are constant. But I obsess less and sleep nights without aid. Makes decision making more stable I think.


----------



## shellgames

SSRI or anti depressants that is.


----------



## Lamailman

WW called me earlier in the week to tell me my youngest of two kids had been crying because she wanted me, and asked if I could go spend some time with my kid so I said sure. Well I'm sure it was her plan all along but she suggested I take her Friday night to sleep at my house, so I agreed. Then she asked if I would take the other kid, and me not wanting to leave my other kid out , I said sure I'd take her too for the night. Keep in mind this isn't my weekend for them so I figured she was up to something and wanted to do something. She it slip out she had a hair appointment Saturday morning , so I figured she didn't have anyone else for the kids so that's why she wanted to pawn them off. She could also be seeing OM tonight, idk and I don't really care.
I don't want to give into her and let her be free of kids when she wants because she is a cake eater. Should I have refused to take the kids this weekend?

I followed through what a bunch of you guys suggested. I gave her a gift card to the local grocery store as 75% of her child support I would usually giver her. She of course reacted like I figured she would. "Is this all that your gonna give me?", "I don't even shop at this store". I responded with hey well our oldest kids said yall have no food in the house and I've been giving you more than enough money so u haven't been using it like you should. She got so pissed. Probably because she was planning on that money to pamper herself more. She is supposed to be getting her hair done tomorrow, we'll she just got it done within the past 2 weeks.


----------



## shellgames

I would take the kids every chance you can.


----------



## Lamailman

I do want the kids every chance I can but if I keep taking them then I am enabling her.


----------



## Mr Blunt

> I do want the kids every chance I can but if I keep taking them then I am enabling her.


This is a tough one. If she is using you as a babysitter so that she can be with the OM then that hurts. However, if you can handle it then think about this. Every time you have your children you can be building a stronger bond with them. I know that is not helping now but just remember this. If your marriage continues to crumble then she will be about 1% of your life and you and your children will be 99% in the years to come.

I know this is a long range plan and you want relief now but just know that in the future you will not have the pain that you have now and she will be about one-tenth of your emotions and concern in just a year or two if you do it right.

Your wife is history and you and your children are the whole future!


My son had somewhat the same situation as you many years ago. Now he has a good relationship with his child and the mother sees the child twice a year. In other words the child loves his father more than his mother.


----------



## honcho

Lamailman said:


> I do want the kids every chance I can but if I keep taking them then I am enabling her.


You cant look at it as enabling her, she is making the choice and could very well just hire a babysitter. Your children need someone stable right now. Its a confusing time for them. Your home gives them stability. Take advantage of the extra time with the kids if you can. 

It also cant hurt if/when the divorce gets ugly and your lawyer could show the courts how she was always dumping the kids off whenever she could.


----------



## GusPolinski

Lamailman said:


> WW called me earlier in the week to tell me my youngest of two kids had been crying because she wanted me, and asked if I could go spend some time with my kid so I said sure. Well I'm sure it was her plan all along but she suggested I take her Friday night to sleep at my house, so I agreed. Then she asked if I would take the other kid, and me not wanting to leave my other kid out , I said sure I'd take her too for the night. Keep in mind this isn't my weekend for them so I figured she was up to something and wanted to do something. She it slip out she had a hair appointment Saturday morning , so I figured she didn't have anyone else for the kids so that's why she wanted to pawn them off. She could also be seeing OM tonight, idk and I don't really care.
> I don't want to give into her and let her be free of kids when she wants because she is a cake eater. Should I have refused to take the kids this weekend?


Unless you find yourself in a position where it is absolutely impossible for you to spend time w/ your kids (plans that you absolutely cannot break, working late, you're w/o reliable transportation due to vehicle being in the shop, etc), NEVER. EVER. EVER. turn down an opportunity to do so.

Additionally, you should be documenting EVERY. SINGLE. SCRAP. of time that you spend w/ them. Every day. Every night. Every weekend. Every time that she was supposed to have them but pawned them off on you instead. If your wife calls to talk w/ them before they go to bed, take note of that (including the time). Conversely, if she _doesn't_ call them before they go to bed, take note of that as well.

Spend as much time as you can w/ them, and _make sure that it's *quality *time._ Limit TV, movies, and video games. Get out and do stuff. Cook together. Go swimming. Take them fishing or camping. Make memories.

Look at it like this... your marriage is over. Whether your wife is w/ OM, her girlfriends, or just sitting at home knitting a quilt... WHO CARES?!? Let her do whatever (or whoever) the f*ck she wants to do. Look at it like this... your kids get more time w/ you and less time w/ the "whorribly" bad role model of a mother that they currently have.

In the end, ^this strategy will pay dividends that you can't even begin to see, understand, or even appreciate right now.


----------



## G.J.

Lamailman said:


> Little bit of an update
> 
> Not really directly involved with my situation but very interesting to say the least. We moved to the street where we lived sometime mid summer. Well across the street was also a young couple our age. My wife and the girl across the street slowly became better and better friends because out kids played in the yard together and went to the same school. Eventually they were together all the time and were best friends.
> 
> Fast forward a little bit, me and my wife split a month a half ago and then two weeks ago she tells me she is seeing someone, okay. Well 2 weeks ago, I find out that this other couple across the street is also having marriage problems and are now seperated.?


Lamailman Did you ever follow up on this?


----------



## Lamailman

G.J. said:


> Lamailman said:
> 
> 
> 
> Little bit of an update
> 
> Not really directly involved with my situation but very interesting to say the least. We moved to the street where we lived sometime mid summer. Well across the street was also a young couple our age. My wife and the girl across the street slowly became better and better friends because out kids played in the yard together and went to the same school. Eventually they were together all the time and were best friends.
> 
> Fast forward a little bit, me and my wife split a month a half ago and then two weeks ago she tells me she is seeing someone, okay. Well 2 weeks ago, I find out that this other couple across the street is also having marriage problems and are now seperated.?
> 
> 
> 
> Lamailman Did you ever follow up on this?
Click to expand...

GJ

Yes I did follow up. I contacted the other girls husband across the street to put our heads together. He got the same situation as me. Turns out his wife actually ft him for OM right after my wife did. I asked him if our wives new OM possibly know each other and he said yea they are best friends.

So apparently our wives decided to make this jump to OM together. OM that I might add both have nothing and live with relatives and both can't keep jobs.


----------



## ChristianGrey

Lamailman said:


> GJ
> 
> OM that I might add both have nothing and live with relatives and both can't keep jobs.


Seems like the society is evolving.

Now men have to decide whether they want to get paid or get laid.


----------



## LongWalk

Their relationships may crumble together as well.

How is that BH holding up?


----------



## Lamailman

LongWalk said:


> Their relationships may crumble together as well.
> 
> How is that BH holding up?


He's a bit of a hard ass so he won't show that he is hurting but by bring up the subject to him he started to spew info so that means he is hurting. He handled things differently thought. His wife moved out not sure if it was his or her choice. He went right out and got a new girlfriend, but that was probably a move to show up his wife. They've had problems before as he found out she made out with his friend months before. 

Our wives were/are very similar. Both wives don't work and never really have, they are at home mom's and have had husband's that have good jobs and both have been take very well care of. They just bought a brand new home maybe 3 months ago .

Women just don't realize what they are throwing away and for 2 POS OM that are probably only with them for sex. Both OMs are early 20s, wives are mid to late 20s and the guys are not settled in on life. I doubt a 22 and 20 year old guy wants to take on 2 women with kids already, that don't work and have bodies of woman that carried babies. This won't end good for the wives as when this blows up in their faces, they won't have anything to come back to.


----------



## Nucking Futs

Lamailman said:


> He's a bit of a hard ass so he won't show that he is hurting but by bring up the subject to him he started to spew info so that means he is hurting. He handled things differently thought. His wife moved out not sure if it was his or her choice. He went right out and got a new girlfriend, but that was probably a move to show up his wife. They've had problems before as he found out she made out with his friend months before.
> 
> Our wives were/are very similar. Both wives don't work and never really have, they are at home mom's and have had husband's that have good jobs and both have been take very well care of. They just bought a brand new home maybe 3 months ago .
> 
> Women just don't realize what they are throwing away and for 2 POS OM that are probably only with them for sex. Both OMs are early 20s, wives are mid to late 20s and the guys are not settled in on life. I doubt a 22 and 20 year old guy wants to take on 2 women with kids already, that don't work and have bodies of woman that carried babies. * This won't end good for the wives as when this blows up in their faces, they won't have anything to come back to.*


:smthumbup:


----------



## LongWalk

Stay in touch with guy. You will get info and perspective.


----------



## HobbesTheTiger

You haven't replied to GusPolinski's and Honcho's great points about the benefits of taking the kids at every possible time, documenting it,..., for potential custody battle. What do you think about that, coupled with the benefit for the kids?

Also, have you considered taking the kids to see a counsellor/childrens' therapist?

Best wishes


----------



## Lamailman

HobbesTheTiger said:


> You haven't replied to GusPolinski's and Honcho's great points about the benefits of taking the kids at every possible time, documenting it,..., for potential custody battle. What do you think about that, coupled with the benefit for the kids?
> 
> Also, have you considered taking the kids to see a counsellor/childrens' therapist?
> 
> Best wishes


Yea, I don't turn them.down when she asks, just don't want her to take advantage of me. I know spending as much time as possible will only strengthen me and their relationships. 

My oldest already sees a counselor and has since before this situation, for various reasons.


----------



## Jasel

Are you documenting the time you have with them and the times she requests you to take them?


----------



## Lamailman

Jasel said:


> Are you documenting the time you have with them and the times she requests you to take them?


Yes, I have been documenting everything (money I give, time I spend with kids, things she says etc.)


----------



## Lamailman

New detail to add to my story:

This is kind of funny. If you've been following my story you know my wife and her new best friend/our neighbor decided a few weeks back to take the plunge together and leave their faithful, hard working husbands for 2 best friend OM.

Well I get my kids today and since I picked them up all I kept hearing about was this friend my kids have and her mom (this lady was good friends with my wife a few month back before we moved but my wife decided to stop hanging out with her because of the ladies poor choice of boyfriends which were all thugs. Well apparently my wife and her are hanging out again often so I found that fishy. So I asked my oldest if they still see the neighbor across the street (other WS/wife's bestfriend) I love kids because it doesn't take much to get them talking lol. My oldest tells me that no we don't see me. K anymore because her and mommy fight bad. So I was like oh so why are they fighting? She says because mom is mad at her because she is trying to get back with her husband. I almost couldn't contain the laughter.

This is so funny. My wife must have talked this girl into leaving her hubby for her OMs best friend and now she is mad at the girl for trying to get back with her husband. At least one of them was smart enough to realize she mad a mistake. That's pretty pathetic of a grown woman to get mad at someone for doing what's right.


----------



## Lamailman

Also to add...

When I brought the kids back last Saturday I told my WW that I had something to do that night and when I brought them back I made sure to wear nice clothes and cologne. Well out of the blue I have my oldest kid asking me today if I have a girlfriend because I was dressed nice and smelled good. No way she would have thought of that on her own and when she never mentioned anything that night. My WW must be using the kids to fish for information right?


----------



## G.J.

warlock07 said:


> Resist the temptation to make mocking or derogatory remarks. That will only fuel her justifications and anger towards you. Speak back only when you have to or for standing up to your boundaries.. Follow the 180. .


Keep doing it as she may start to worry that her bridge back may be gone especially when reality kicks in


----------



## turnera

Of all the men I've seen on these forums, the only ones who have gotten their wives back are the ones who made their wives think they were moving on with other women.


----------



## Mr Blunt

use your wife's fog and fantacy with the other man to your advantage and get as good of a deal as you can with the the legal papers. do this immediatly before her fog starts to come face to face with reality.


Your wife is history for you; you only have yourself and your children to concentrate on.


----------



## LongWalk

Your WW is in love with the power of romance, the real life kind that includes fornication with losers. So, naturally she sees you as a potential character who is motivated by the same drives. She is probably obsessed with the notion that your new girl has curves in the right places, regular features and an easy smile. If on top of it her skin is smooth, it would just eat at her from the inside.


----------



## HobbesTheTiger

Thanks for the reply!

What's the situation on your legal position? Like others have said, try to get a binding legal agreement as soon as possible, while she's still in la-la-la-land of unicorns and rainbows, and also perhaps a bit of guilt.

Best wishes


----------



## Lamailman

Legal situation, is i seen a lawyer. I'll be signing the contract to hire him as soon as I can. Been really busy at work, go to work in the dark and come home in the dark.


----------



## carmen ohio

turnera said:


> Of all the men I've seen on these forums, the only ones who have gotten their wives back are the ones who made their wives think they were moving on with other women.


Good point, turnera, but I can't imagine why the OP would want his WW back.


----------



## Lamailman

carmen ohio said:


> turnera said:
> 
> 
> 
> Of all the men I've seen on these forums, the only ones who have gotten their wives back are the ones who made their wives think they were moving on with other women.
> 
> 
> 
> Good point, turnera, but I can't imagine why the OP would want his WW back.
Click to expand...

I don't want her back. Leaving a marriage with small children to chase some fantasy is an unexcuseable act in my book. Only problem is i am having problems detaching , this is tough. I'm working on it, concentrating on myself and my kids relationships. I am working on improving myself through excersise and Individual Conseling. I can't just push past all the stuff she is doing and her behavior is always on my mind. I HAVE to detach but it's rough.


----------



## honcho

Lamailman said:


> I don't want her back. Leaving a marriage with small children to chase some fantasy is an unexcuseable act in my book. Only problem is i am having problems detaching , this is tough. I'm working on it, concentrating on myself and my kids relationships. I am working on improving myself through excersise and Individual Conseling. I can't just push past all the stuff she is doing and her behavior is always on my mind. I HAVE to detach but it's rough.


This is another reason why getting the deal done fast will help you immensely. It will force you to work on the "business" end of the divorce and the quicker you get it done the less excuses she will have to come around. 

It will help you to detach and right now you have to force yourself to do it and get it done but long term its the best for you and your wellbeing.


----------



## turnera

So...detaching...have you started volunteering somewhere? Why not?

Have you signed up for some sort of class or club? 

Have you called up old friends and gone to hang out with them?

How are you supposed to detach if you're still living the same life you had with her?


----------



## Lamailman

turnera said:


> So...detaching...have you started volunteering somewhere? Why not?
> 
> Have you signed up for some sort of class or club?
> 
> Have you called up old friends and gone to hang out with them?
> 
> How are you supposed to detach if you're still living the same life you had with her?


I'm not volunteer in or joining clubs yet. I have been reaching out and hanging out with some old buddies that I lost touch with. I have also picked up a new hobby and a new co worker is including me in his hobby so I'll be keeping busy.


----------



## Lamailman

Update to story:

I usually have something to update when I bring my kids back to WW after my weekend and this weekend is no different. 

First of all when I get my kids i concentrate on them. I don't pry into mommy' life or try to get info out of my kids. This info would just hurt me anyway so I don't want to know it. They will occasionally say something my days with them and then i might ask a question based off of what they said but i don't want to ask about mommy or her new bf and that never came up yet. The little bit they say is mostly about other details or whatever they blert out.

So as usual, right after i drop them off to her my phone starts ringing which i ignore it because i just know it will be WW with her stupidity and will be looking to chew my ass over something. Well after it kept ringing i answered and i was right. WW was accusing me of grilling my kids with questions about her and her new boyfriend, which i never even did. Then she says and whoever nancy, i don't know who she is but she better not touch my kids. Nancy? Who the hell is Nancy? I guess she is accusing me of a nancy being my girlfriend but i don't even know a nancy.

It's pisses me off because I'm tired of I drop them off I get a phone call with her saying g I'm asking the kids questions or whatever. Funny how I had them for the past 4 days but they don't say a whole lot about the other side but 2 minutes after they get in her care she supposedly knows I'm asking the kids questions huh. Sounds to me she is grilling the kids as soon as they get in the car about wet her or not I am asking the questions. She's got a boyfriend but it seems like it gets her fired up at the potential thought of me having a girlfriend.

how do I handle this? She needs to grow the Frick up but that won't happen, so how do I handle her Immaturity on my part?


----------



## turnera

Re: volunteering, etc.: the deal is, you have a boatload of memories, and they're all related to her. So, in your brain, it's like it's filled with 'water' - the old memories. And if you have this bowl in your sink full of 'bad' water, and you turn the faucet on, it'll start replacing the 'bad' water with the new water as the new water keeps flowing. So replace that water with the new stuff. Lots of it.


----------



## Suspecting2014

Lamailman said:


> Update to story:
> 
> Don't deny or confirm anything, is not her business any more.
> Just tell her that she introduced OM to their life without asking you, right?
> 
> And ask her to stop calling you to talk about your personal life, is not her f,,,ing problem.
> 
> IMO she just wanted to be with the kids to call you and confirm rumors she heard about you and someone else.
> 
> Her fall is coming ...


----------



## GusPolinski

Lamailman said:


> Update to story:
> 
> I usually have something to update when I bring my kids back to WW after my weekend and this weekend is no different.
> 
> First of all when I get my kids i concentrate on them. I don't pry into mommy' life or try to get info out of my kids. This info would just hurt me anyway so I don't want to know it. They will occasionally say something my days with them and then i might ask a question based off of what they said but i don't want to ask about mommy or her new bf and that never came up yet. The little bit they say is mostly about other details or whatever they blert out.
> 
> So as usual, right after i drop them off to her my phone starts ringing which i ignore it because i just know it will be WW with her stupidity and will be looking to chew my ass over something. Well after it kept ringing i answered and i was right. WW was accusing me of grilling my kids with questions about her and her new boyfriend, which i never even did. Then she says and whoever nancy, i don't know who she is but she better not touch my kids. Nancy? Who the hell is Nancy? I guess she is accusing me of a nancy being my girlfriend but i don't even know a nancy.
> 
> It's pisses me off because I'm tired of I drop them off I get a phone call with her saying g I'm asking the kids questions or whatever. Funny how I had them for the past 4 days but they don't say a whole lot about the other side but 2 minutes after they get in her care she supposedly knows I'm asking the kids questions huh. Sounds to me she is grilling the kids as soon as they get in the car about wet her or not I am asking the questions. She's got a boyfriend but it seems like it gets her fired up at the potential thought of me having a girlfriend.
> 
> *how do I handle this? She needs to grow the Frick up but that won't happen, so how do I handle her Immaturity on my part?*


"Look, I don't know what in the unholy blue f*ck you're going on about, because I've not asked the kids a damn thing about you or whoever it is that you happen to be f*cking this week. And honestly, as long as they're safe, happy, and not mistreated in any way, I don't care. Do what you want w/ whoever you want; just remember to always put the kids first.

As for 'Nancy'? I don't even know a 'Nancy'. And if I did, it wouldn't be any of your damn business anyway. You stay out of my life, and I'll stay out of yours.

From here on out, limit all contact to e-mail unless you're calling or texting about something directly related to the kids. Other than that, I don't want to hear from you again. Ever."

Something like ^that might do the trick.


----------



## Suspecting2014

GusPolinski said:


> "Look, I don't know what in the unholy blue f*ck you're going on about, because I've not asked the kids a damn thing about you or whoever it is that you happen to be f*cking this week. And honestly, as long as they're safe, happy, and not mistreated in any way, I don't care. Do what you want w/ whoever you want; just remember to always put the kids first.
> 
> *As for 'Nancy'? I don't even know a 'Nancy'. And if I did, it wouldn't be any of your damn business anyway. You stay out of my life, and I'll stay out of yours.*
> 
> From here on out, limit all contact to e-mail unless you're calling or texting about something directly related to the kids. Other than that, I don't want to hear from you again. Ever."
> 
> Something like ^that might do the trick.


Totally agree, excep for the part about Nancy. Dont tell her nothing about your personal life, NOTHING.

Saying something about Nancy is giving her power over you again. You dont have to answer any question related with your personal life unless it is about the kids, and as it is not in this case telle her to ***k off!!!!


----------



## Lamailman

Thanks for the replies everyone. Seems like she is jealous. My kids ask me as soon as I get them if I have a girlfriend and then she a cussed me of a "nancy"? Seems like she is trying to get info out of my kids and that she is jealous/worried at the possibility of me having someone else. 

Does anyone else feel like this is the case with her?


----------



## Jasel

How do you handle it? You ignore it. Don't play into her games and don't let her drag you down to her level. Stop worrying so much about what she's thinking. You already know a good chunk of it is nonsense anyway.


----------



## Chaparral

Lol. If I were you I would drop a new womans name every time the kids came over. Whenever she asked me a question about my personal life, I would immediately hang up.


----------



## Suspecting2014

Lamailman said:


> Thanks for the replies everyone. Seems like she is jealous. My kids ask me as soon as I get them if I have a girlfriend and then she a cussed me of a "nancy"? Seems like she is trying to get info out of my kids and that she is jealous/worried at the possibility of me having someone else.
> 
> Does anyone else feel like this is the case with her?


Yes it is!!!!

Out the heat, keep being could and business like when talking to her. If you yell, or insult, or show any emotional reaction to her, you will be giving her more excuses to convince herself, and others, of what a bad H you were.

IMO she is trying to justify her actions, implying that you have someone and you already move on because you never cared about her, etc.

If I am not wrong, you have posted before that she already tried to convince that you had doubts about the marriage too, didn’t she?

You should move faster to D, as fantasy land is beginning to fall down, to avoid fighting. Keep could to her. Keep getting closer and closer to your kids, as mommy is losing it (asking/telling your kids about fictitious Dad´s GF is not a healthy mom’s behavior).

How is your legal situation at this point?


----------



## GusPolinski

Lamailman said:


> Thanks for the replies everyone. Seems like she is jealous. My kids ask me as soon as I get them if I have a girlfriend and then she a cussed me of a "nancy"? Seems like she is trying to get info out of my kids and that she is jealous/worried at the possibility of me having someone else.
> 
> Does anyone else feel like this is the case with her?


Probably, but why do you even care? The fact that you keep bringing it up indicates that you need to keep detaching.

Sooo...

1. 180. Hard.
2. File for divorce.
3. 180. Hard.
4. Move back into your home. ASAP. If she wants "space", show her the space between the front door and the driveway. If she needs more than that, tell her that she can GTFO.
5. 180. Hard.
6. Go out regularly, even if it's just by yourself.
7. 180. Hard.

Did I mention the 180...?


----------



## turnera

Lamailman said:


> Thanks for the replies everyone. Seems like she is jealous. My kids ask me as soon as I get them if I have a girlfriend and then she a cussed me of a "nancy"? Seems like she is trying to get info out of my kids and that she is jealous/worried at the possibility of me having someone else.
> 
> Does anyone else feel like this is the case with her?


Who cares?


----------



## turnera

Chaparral said:


> Lol. If I were you I would drop a new womans name every time the kids came over. Whenever she asked me a question about my personal life, I would immediately hang up.


So would I.


----------



## Stillasamountain

Chaparral said:


> Lol. If I were you I would drop a new womans name every time the kids came over.



That's evil... but damn funny!


----------



## manfromlamancha

Yeah - go through the alphabet: Alison, Brenda, Christine, Denise, Evelyn, Francesca, Gail, Helen etc etc


----------



## turnera

And see how long before she figures out that it's alphabetical! Priceless!


----------



## Lamailman

turnera said:


> And see how long before she figures out that it's alphabetical! Priceless!


I'll end up going through the ABC's a couple times. Lol


----------



## LongWalk

Just ignore your WW and her drama. She is not very together and you are lucky that she is moving on. It could have been worse if your lives had been even more entangled.

May be a while before you and Nancy are ready to be in an LTR.


----------



## manfromlamancha

Nancy ? I thought we were starting with Alison, then Brenda, then Christine, then Denise ....


----------



## Nucking Futs

manfromlamancha said:


> Nancy ? I thought we were starting with Alison, then Brenda, then Christine, then Denise ....


Skip N when you're going through the alphabet, just for the fun of it.


----------



## bfree

Nancy? Ahhh...Nancy...mmmmmm. If you have a problem with Nancy wait until you meet Carol!


----------



## Lamailman

What a start to a ****ty day. When WW revealed to me she was seeing someone , she said it was "ok because he don't go around our kids".

Bullsh*t, I went this morning to drop child support check off at the home so I could leave it there and not have to deal with her in person. Well what do I see? The MF'er sleeps there!!! The guys truck was parked in my old parking spot. 

I have been nice and fair up until now even with her messing around but now is time to bring it to her hard. I'll be seeing a lawyer asap for more advice on how to handle this.

But that is messed up for me to move out and then move him right in with my kids. I was gonna give her a fair deal on the divorce but now I'm gonna get all I can. Sorry I'm venting because I'm so furious.


----------



## Acoa

Lamailman said:


> What a start to a ****ty day. When WW revealed to me she was seeing someone , she said it was "ok because he don't go around our kids".
> 
> Bullsh*t, I went this morning to drop child support check off at the home so I could leave it there and not have to deal with her in person. Well what do I see? The MF'er sleeps there!!! The guys truck was parked in my old parking spot.
> 
> I have been nice and fair up until now even with her messing around but now is time to bring it to her hard. I'll be seeing a lawyer asap for more advice on how to handle this.
> 
> But that is messed up for me to move out and then move him right in with my kids. I was gonna give her a fair deal on the divorce but now I'm gonna get all I can. Sorry I'm venting because I'm so furious.



As you should be. Are you able to get custody?


----------



## warlock07

Bringing new men around the kids already?


----------



## turnera

Tell your lawyer. Today.


----------



## Suspecting2014

Lamailman said:


> What a start to a ****ty day. When WW revealed to me she was seeing someone , she said it was "ok because he don't go around our kids".
> 
> Bullsh*t, I went this morning to drop child support check off at the home so I could leave it there and not have to deal with her in person. Well what do I see? The MF'er sleeps there!!! The guys truck was parked in my old parking spot.
> 
> I have been nice and fair up until now even with her messing around but now is time to bring it to her hard. I'll be seeing a lawyer asap for more advice on how to handle this.
> 
> But that is messed up for me to move out and then move him right in with my kids. I was gonna give her a fair deal on the divorce but now I'm gonna get all I can. Sorry I'm venting because I'm so furious.


Keep venting as needed!!

Give her a fair deal on D, but ask your lawyer as he is living there if you can reduce alimony, or get money back.

Get the VAR, confront her and record everything. That this guy is in touch with the kids, etc.

You may lead the conversation in that “you are supporting this guy” just to get from her that “this guy is paying X, Y, Z” and from this information maybe you can cut the money you are giving to her.

Other tactic, ask lawyer, just cut the money and give just the coupons.
Anyhow, cool down as this was expected, right? she is a liar.

Move fast on D while she is in fantasy land.


----------



## GusPolinski

lamailman said:


> what a start to a ****ty day. When ww revealed to me she was seeing someone , she said it was "ok because he don't go around our kids".
> 
> Bullsh*t, i went this morning to drop child support check off at the home so i could leave it there and not have to deal with her in person. Well what do i see? The mf'er sleeps there!!! The guys truck was parked in my old parking spot.
> 
> I have been nice and fair up until now even with her messing around but now is time to bring it to her hard. I'll be seeing a lawyer asap for more advice on how to handle this.
> 
> But that is messed up for me to move out and then move him right in with my kids. I was gonna give her a fair deal on the divorce but now i'm gonna get all i can. Sorry i'm venting because i'm so furious.


Go. Back. Home.


----------



## Lamailman

Yea this was pretty much expected but nothing prepares you for the feelings when your suspicions are confirmed. I don't care about what the two of them do or are doing but what makes my blood boil is they are living off my hard earned dollars. I have been paying all the bills for that house hold and I paid for that home by myself. And now he is living there in my hard earn home around my kids and we only seperated.


----------



## GusPolinski

Lamailman said:


> Yea this was pretty much expected but nothing prepares you for the feelings when your suspicions are confirmed. I don't care about what the two of them do or are doing but what makes my blood boil is they are living off my hard earned dollars. I have been paying all the bills for that house hold and I paid for that home by myself. And now he is living there in my hard earn home around my kids and we only seperated.


Go. Back. Home.


----------



## turnera

Lamailman said:


> Yea this was pretty much expected but nothing prepares you for the feelings when your suspicions are confirmed. I don't care about what the two of them do or are doing but what makes my blood boil is they are living off my hard earned dollars. I have been paying all the bills for that house hold and I paid for that home by myself. And now he is living there in my hard earn home around my kids and we only seperated.


So move back in.


----------



## convert

If you do move back in, Which I agree with, carry a VAR on you at all times.
she could try DV charges to get you back out of the house


----------



## Suspecting2014

Agree

Kick her out

Tell her, ask your lawye first, that you are coming home bc it is your house, also she needs to play half of bills.

This is the only way you will protect your kids.

Is very un responsable to introduce OM to her kids since, as she says, have been toguether for less tan a month.

Stop supporting her life stily.

Are you selling the house? Ask her to start looking for a new place

Expose this situation to her family and friends as well


----------



## G.J.

If possible do a back ground check on the guy if you have that where you live

And as already said

Move back in pronto


----------



## badmemory

Before you confront her, take your cell phone and take a time stamped picture of his car there at the same time your kids are there. Especially if it's during the overnight. 

Don't tell her you took the pictures. You might be able to catch her lying to the court.


----------



## Mr Blunt

> By Lamailman
> She is just so stupid and selfish and blinded by this affair that she is will to give up anything and everything just so she can quickly shack up


*
If this is still true then what legal papers do you have singed by her that helps you with the divorce?*

You are going to have to use the legal system not your emotions in order for you to get a good deal in the D. Use the fact that she wants the OM to your advantage!


----------



## phillybeffandswiss

No offense, but this is why everyone was dead set against you moving out. Currently, you and your kids are the ones being punished for her actions. She cheats, she gets the house, has sleepovers, you pay the bills and it is one big party.


Talk to the lawyer and get back in the house.


----------



## Vulcan2013

Move back in.


----------



## S&W500

Lamailman said:


> Yea this was pretty much expected but nothing prepares you for the feelings when your suspicions are confirmed. I don't care about what the two of them do or are doing but what makes my blood boil is they are living off my hard earned dollars. I have been paying all the bills for that house hold and I paid for that home by myself. And now he is living there in my hard earn home around my kids and we only seperated.


Hummmm...nothing in almost 2 weeks.
And this post is starting to sound a tad 'Beta'? e.g. _"it's not fair"_

I hope Lamailman hasn't caved-in or been 'paralyzed' by what his WW is doing or as a result of the actions of her OM living in his home...


----------



## just got it 55

Yes move back in and tell skippy he can take the guest room


----------



## Kevinb

Geez, I think he's handling the split extraordinarily well...wish I were the same


----------



## S&W500

Kevinb said:


> Geez, I think he's handling the split extraordinarily well...wish I were the same


Is he?
He hasn't posted for 2 weeks.

On TAM, that usually means the cuckold-husband has caved-in or rug-swept.


----------



## lenzi

S&W500 said:


> Is he?
> He hasn't posted for 2 weeks.
> 
> On TAM, that usually means the cuckold-husband has caved-in or rug-swept.


Oh, right. When people stop posting it's because they've caved or rug swept. And we know this because..?


----------



## S&W500

lenzi said:


> Oh, right. When people stop posting it's because they've caved or rug swept. And we know this because..?


...because it happens so often on TAM... :scratchhead:


----------



## lenzi

S&W500 said:


> ...because it happens so often on TAM... :scratchhead:


If they don't come back, then how do you know how it turned out?


----------



## S&W500

lenzi said:


> If they don't come back, then how do you know how it turned out?


Because they all come in with confidence and bluster...and then come out with comments like he has....then disappear.

Come on man, you know the score...


----------



## just got it 55

S&W500 said:


> ...because it happens so often on TAM... :scratchhead:


Says the new member with 12 posts:scratchhead:

55


----------



## S&W500

just got it 55 said:


> Says the new member with 12 posts:scratchhead:
> 
> 55


Amazing what a bit of reading of past threads can achieve.


----------



## VFW

Hope you are doing ok, this is the hardest time of the year to go through this crap. Make sure you spend as much time as you can with your kids this time of year and make all your time with them count. Don't give a flying **** what she is doing. Let your attorney take care of the legal issues, that is their job. She is not your friend, buddy or pal you owe her nothing. She is however your children's mother and you must treat her with a certain amount of respect for their sake, not hers. Don't let suck you into stupid stuff, you don't have to answer calls. In fact if things get to bad, you may want to communicate over text or email to take the tension down a bit, at least until the holidays are over.


----------



## Lamailman

S&W500 said:


> lenzi said:
> 
> 
> 
> If they don't come back, then how do you know how it turned out?
> 
> 
> 
> Because they all come in with confidence and bluster...and then come out with comments like he has....then disappear.
> 
> Come on man, you know the score...
Click to expand...

Well for yall that wasted a page second guessing, I am still here







. My topic fell pages deep because I didn't have anything new and exciting to post. I am still in the same situation, nothing has changed. I have hired my lawyer but it won't be till after holidays are over that the ball really gets rolling.

I don't answer any of the wife's call and only the sensible texts. I don't care about what she is doing because it's something I can't control but my top priority is to get the provisions down that the opposite sex cant spend the night when the kids are there. 

This time of the year sucks with holidays and everything. I am praying for all of u going through this as i know first hand how tough it is.


----------



## Lamailman

Just when I go and open my mouth about nothing new or exciting happening today happens. I go to meet my WW at our usual spot so I can get my kids from her. I make it there first so I am waiting on her. I see her pull into the parking lot but I can tell she has someone with her. Well as the car gets closer I can tell its her OM thats with her. what a fricked up situation that she brings him with her to drop off the kids to me. Thats a ultimate sign of disrespect and not giving a **** about me, which i guess that should have been figured already. I wanted to lose it when i seen him with them but i figured thats probably what she wanted so i just did nothing. Today was definitely a tough day, tougher than most.


----------



## Suspecting2014

Lamailman said:


> Just when I go and open my mouth about nothing new or exciting happening today happens. I go to meet my WW at our usual spot so I can get my kids from her. I make it there first so I am waiting on her. I see her pull into the parking lot but I can tell she has someone with her. Well as the car gets closer I can tell its her OM thats with her. what a fricked up situation that she brings him with her to drop off the kids to me. Thats a ultimate sign of disrespect and not giving a **** about me, which i guess that should have been figured already. I wanted to lose it when i seen him with them but i figured thats probably what she wanted so i just did nothing. Today was definitely a tough day, tougher than most.


Lamailman,

IMO you should ask yourself 3 questions:

1.- What do you expect from her?

She is trying to prove, to herself and everybody else, that what she is doing is the best for everybody. She needs to show that it was a right decision, that's why she involves OM is her live and in your kids live.

In her situation at this moment you are nothing more that a wallet, you are an enabler to her relation with OM and her parting. Why would she act diffrent is she has a nice house to go Fuuck OM and money to go party. Sorry to tell but you are the sponsor of your own ordeal.

2.- What do you want from her?

I dont know if you are waiting for her to come to you begging for R. After all that she has done I dont understand why would you do that.

Anyhow, if you want to R, you need to slap her into reality, showing her the concecuences of her actions. In other hand if you want to D you need to act fast before she wakes to her new reality. 

What you should not do is wait without doing nothing as it is affecting you and your kids.

You are paralyzed.

IMO you should do something about your house, move in, tell her to go away, tell her that you lawyer advise to stay on your own home to avoid a sue for abandonment (as this is a real possibility). Remember that the circumstances that made you move out are different now as she doesnt need time, she already made her mind (tell her this).

I understand that you are concerned about your kids home, if she gets another place but realize that she is exposing your kids to the POSSUM.

3.- What would expect form her if you stop enabling/sponsoring all her mess?

This is an easy question to answer. She get her a$$ back to reality and starts behaving like a caring mother and realizing what she has lost.

DONT EXPECT A DIFFERENT OUTCOME WHILE DOING THE SAME!


----------



## brendanoco

Lamailman said:


> Just when I go and open my mouth about nothing new or exciting happening today happens. I go to meet my WW at our usual spot so I can get my kids from her. I make it there first so I am waiting on her. I see her pull into the parking lot but I can tell she has someone with her. Well as the car gets closer I can tell its her OM thats with her. what a fricked up situation that she brings him with her to drop off the kids to me. Thats a ultimate sign of disrespect and not giving a **** about me, which i guess that should have been figured already. I wanted to lose it when i seen him with them but i figured thats probably what she wanted so i just did nothing. Today was definitely a tough day, tougher than most.


Is he still living at your house?


----------



## turnera

I would have gone over to his side of the car, asked him to roll the window down, and asked to shake his hand. When he asks why, say "Because I'm thanking God every day you took this crazy b*tch off my hands, so I figured I should thank you, too."


----------



## Suspecting2014

Lamailman, 

How are you doing?

Any update?


----------



## Lamailman

Suspecting2014 said:


> Lamailman,
> 
> How are you doing?
> 
> Any update?


Not much of an update. 
Meeting with a P.I. tomorrow so he could obtain the needed evidence for my audultery case against my wife.


----------



## the guy

Lamailman said:


> Just when I go and open my mouth about nothing new or exciting happening today happens. I go to meet my WW at our usual spot so I can get my kids from her. I make it there first so I am waiting on her. I see her pull into the parking lot but I can tell she has someone with her. Well as the car gets closer I can tell its her OM thats with her. what a fricked up situation that she brings him with her to drop off the kids to me. Thats a ultimate sign of disrespect and not giving a **** about me, which i guess that should have been figured already. I wanted to lose it when i seen him with them but i figured thats probably what she wanted so i just did nothing. Today was definitely a tough day, tougher than most.


My I suggest on the next kid exchange you go find a hot chick to go along with you.....go on graigslist...it can be that much


----------



## SamuraiJack

Lamailman said:


> Not much of an update.
> Meeting with a P.I. tomorrow so he could obtain the needed evidence for my audultery case against my wife.


Excellent! Rember to keep a calm head and use her nervous/foggy/illusioned mindset against her.


----------



## Squeakr

Next time take a picture of them in the var for proof that she is bringing in another party which could confuse the children and is a sign of both disrespect for you and the children's best welfare as introducing the OM too soon can cause emotional issues with the children ( this is documented effects depending on how it happen).


----------



## chaos

A proper mindset and perspective can help you to deal with similar situations in the future. Such as that the woman who is your STBXWW is a stranger and not the woman you loved.


----------



## BetrayedDad

Lamailman said:


> Not much of an update.
> Meeting with a P.I. tomorrow so he could obtain the needed evidence for my audultery case against my wife.


Why waste the money? It's obvious she isn't hiding the fact she has a boyfriend and the court probably won't care. She'll still get half your stuff plus child support. I have three words for you my friend. CUT YOUR LOSSES. 

Negotiate with her to get out of this relationship as quickly as you can so you can move on with life. Your wife has long checked out of the marriage and stuck you with the bill attached to the knife in your back. 

You're still playing defense and it's 56-0 in the fourth quarter. Time to put some points on the board. Hit the gym hard, do some networking and get yourself some new arm candy. Start thinking about YOU.


----------



## G.J.

opps wrong post


----------



## Suspecting2014

As I believe you are signing D, IMO you need to be extra nice to OM be cause as long as they stay together, your STBXW will be willing to prove to everybody that she did well breaking her marriage and this may enable a faster D and maybe a most convenient arrangement about custody and assets.

By extra nice I dont mean become his friend being ok with this POS being around your kids, but you can avoid drama and any activity that can scare him away.

In a few words, as long as OM is with your wife, she won't fight you in court as she needs to get out her marriage ASAP.

Of course once she faces her new reality OM will run away from a woman older than him with 2 kids, without a house, running out of money to party and wanting a more serious relation with him.

The idea is that after divorce she realizes that the grass seemed greener in the other side because there is a septic tank there.


----------



## Suspecting2014

To get the proof you need carry a VAR always when meeting her and just ask about Om being in your house, around the kids, if she loves him, for how long, etc.


----------



## Chaparral

BetrayedDad said:


> Why waste the money? It's obvious she isn't hiding the fact she has a boyfriend and the court probably won't care. She'll still get half your stuff plus child support. I have three words for you my friend. CUT YOUR LOSSES.
> 
> Negotiate with her to get out of this relationship as quickly as you can so you can move on with life. Your wife has long checked out of the marriage and stuck you with the bill attached to the knife in your back.
> 
> You're still playing defense and it's 56-0 in the fourth quarter. Time to put some points on the board. Hit the gym hard, do some networking and get yourself some new arm candy. Start thinking about YOU.


Depending on the state he lives in there could be a huge financial reason for proof of adultery.


----------



## LongWalk

Lamailman said:


> No fortunately she had a full hysterectomy earlier this year. She also doesn't take any hormone pills like they recommended, so that might also be a contributing factor of her craziness...............or maybe not, she was crazy before.


You can live without her.


----------



## Lamailman

Chaparral said:


> BetrayedDad said:
> 
> 
> 
> Why waste the money? It's obvious she isn't hiding the fact she has a boyfriend and the court probably won't care. She'll still get half your stuff plus child support. I have three words for you my friend. CUT YOUR LOSSES.
> 
> Negotiate with her to get out of this relationship as quickly as you can so you can move on with life. Your wife has long checked out of the marriage and stuck you with the bill attached to the knife in your back.
> 
> You're still playing defense and it's 56-0 in the fourth quarter. Time to put some points on the board. Hit the gym hard, do some networking and get yourself some new arm candy. Start thinking about YOU.
> 
> 
> 
> Depending on the state he lives in there could be a huge financial reason for proof of adultery.
Click to expand...

Exactly. The reason for me pursuing the audultery is to stop me from having to pay spouse support. I need the evidence so that's why I hired the PI. I will save money in the long run by hiring this guy and avoiding paying her spouse support.


----------



## alphaomega

No no no.

Dont dress up with cologne to pick up kids.

Don't bring along arm candy. 

Don't get mad visually.

Don't respond to her constant badgering.

As with any battle, it's 80% phychological. Let her know nothing. Let her think no different.

If you make her jealous or start demanding things from her, you'll back her in to a corner and She will go wolverine on your ass. 

Then only the lawyers get your money.


----------



## Lamailman

Update to my situation (just because some of u are interested)

I get my 2 kids every other weekend and this coming weekend would be mine with them but STBXW asked for them Saturday so I agreed and I took the kids this week instead. Anyway I was gonna get them yesterday after a dr. Appointment I had.* Well she starts texting me if I'll be long because she has to go 30 minutes away for a job interview in an hour (now understand she has had jobs the 10 years we have been together but they never last, so she's never really had to work).* I can only come out the dr. As fast as the dr gets to me but she increasing starts getting impatient about me taking too long.

Eventually it gets to the point that she is saying that I have once again screwed her because she won't make it to her interview and she has to work because I'm not giving her support money, I am only paying all the bills.* I stayed calm the whole time and was never ugly with my responses through text while I was in the dr office.* I told her to send the kids into the office if she had to go and I'd meet them in the waiting room and let them in the back with me but for whatever reason that wasn't a good plan for her.

I eventually come out and she is waiting with the kids in the parking lot for me and immediately starts that she is pissed off that I screwed her over again, that it is my fault she is late.* Starts saying that court needs to happen so my ass could get handed to me.* She said that I was always an a - hole* when we were together so why would I be any different now.* 

She then starts again with the finances that I'm not supporting the kids and that I am only paying bills, that they have needs.* (Granted I was giving extra money plus paying all the bills $4000 in 3 months worth of extra money but stopped when I say the money was just being used to buy her new clothes and hair and makeup).* I never get worked up so I kept blowing her off by saying yep, ok.* She eventually gets in her car* and is still yelling at me through the window and I'm not even saying anything.* I smirked because she was getting so worked up over nothing and her eyes were getting watery.* Then she says "oh you eating this sh*t up huh?" And at that point all I did was laugh and get in my truck to leave.* 

As I'm closing the door I hear her say "you are a loser, you always was and will always be a loser, and I'm glad I finally opened my eyes to you".

Now I guess she doesn't know what a loser is.* I have a great job, have a good relationship with my kids, friends and family.* I have always taken care of my responsibilities like a man and have never hit or cheated on my wife.* On the other hand she has never really kept a job for long , with long periods of not working between jobs, she is always in the middle of drama, has no education and left her husband for a boy younger than her who can't keep a job and looks like a little punk.

I heard after that her boytoy got fired from his job 2 days ago (for being 2 hours late) so that explains why she is panicing and trying to all of a sudden find work now when never think it was important before. Yet I am the loser in her eyes?


----------



## thummper

Stay strong, mailman, and enjoy the show.:rofl:


----------



## GusPolinski

Dude. You need a VAR.


----------



## Yeswecan

Lamailman said:


> I heard after that her boytoy got fired from his job 2 days ago (for being 2 hours late) so that explains why she is panicing and trying to all of a sudden find work now when never think it was important before. Yet I am the loser in her eyes?


She does not want to see what she has done(choice) as a failure. So yes, boytoy loses a job...both are broke or soon to be. Fail. So she needs to get up off the couch to make her crappy choice a success. Boytoy ain't the answer for success. There are two losers here...you are not included in the two. Soon she will blame you when the sun is not shining.


----------



## BWBill

_. . . "you are a loser, you always was and will always be a loser, and I'm glad I finally opened my eyes to you"._

She's either been told her boyfriend's a loser, or she's afraid he is, but she's projecting that onto you..


----------



## happyman64

> Now I guess she doesn't know what a loser is.* I have a great job, have a good relationship with my kids, friends and family.* I have always taken care of my responsibilities like a man and have never hit or cheated on my wife.* On the other hand she has never really kept a job for long , with long periods of not working between jobs, she is always in the middle of drama, has no education and left her husband for a boy younger than her who can't keep a job and looks like a little punk.
> 
> I heard after that her boytoy got fired from his job 2 days ago (for being 2 hours late) so that explains why she is panicing and trying to all of a sudden find work now when never think it was important before. Yet I am the loser in her eyes?


What a shame you couldn't text her these two paragraphs under the title "WHAT A LOSER REALLY LOOKS LIKE"

HM


----------



## Lamailman

Yeswecan said:


> Lamailman said:
> 
> 
> 
> I heard after that her boytoy got fired from his job 2 days ago (for being 2 hours late) so that explains why she is panicing and trying to all of a sudden find work now when never think it was important before. Yet I am the loser in her eyes?
> 
> 
> 
> She does not want to see what she has done(choice) as a failure. So yes, boytoy loses a job...both are broke or soon to be. Fail. So she needs to get up off the couch to make her crappy choice a success. Boytoy ain't the answer for success. There are two losers here...you are not included in the two. Soon she will blame you when the sun is not shining.
Click to expand...

Thanks Guys, Everyone That Took The Time To reply To My post. It's much appreciated. 

Yea when I first started posting. Many of yall said she was a train wreck waiting to happen and for me to just worry about about myself and my 2 kids. Well I've been doing that and I'm just sitting back and enjoying the show lol. I heard from someone in the know that her and her bf had broke up 3 or 4 times in December alone lmao. 

She has always been that way so I wouldn't think now would be any different with her blaming me for everything. I had a dr. Appointment before she had a interview but it was my fault she was late??? Lol

Yea she will project everything onto me and that she is sooo happy now and glad she opened her eyes. 

You know what's truly sad? She claims I'm a bad dad and never wanted anything to do with my kids but last weekend my little one told me straight up..."dad I wish when mommy broke up with you that I didn't have a mom and I could live with you forever"...how sad is that for a little 4 year old to say that about their mom? Little kids always love their mom and for her to say that , says alot about both sides of the situation.


----------



## tom67

Like Gus said get a VAR TODAY!!!
Good job staying cool.


----------



## thenub

Just be cordial when you talk to.... Hell, you should even ask how skippy is doing


----------



## G.J.

Lamailman said:


> dad I wish when mommy broke up with you that I didn't have a mom and I could live with you forever"....


Even a four year old knows what his mother is like

Be the best dad ever as kids give you so much and ask for little in return other than to be loved


----------



## Suspecting2014

BWBill said:


> _. . . "you are a loser, you always was and will always be a loser, and I'm glad I finally opened my eyes to you"._
> 
> She's either been told her boyfriend's a loser, or she's afraid he is, but she's projecting that onto you..


IMO she is trying to achieve 2 things insulting Lamailman without reazon:

1 make Lamailman look bad to convince her self that she made the rigth move leaving him. Specially now that fantasy land is begining to fade and reallity starts to show ( pennyless, jobless, single mother)

2 Keep OMPOS with her as he is the cornerstone of fantasy land. I believe that f****ing an older woman is not enougth anymore for OM , so she needs money to party with him.

Lamailman,

How is D going?? I think that OM will dump your wife very soon, this can bring a lot of drama.


----------



## SamuraiJack

Suspecting2014 said:


> IMO she is trying to achieve 2 things insulting Lamailman without reazon:
> 
> 1 make Lamailman look bad to convince her self that she made the rigth move leaving him. Specially now that fantasy land is begining to fade and reallity starts to show ( pennyless, jobless, single mother)
> 
> 2 Keep OMPOS with her as he is the cornerstone of fantasy land. I believe that f****ing an older woman is not enougth anymore for OM , so she needs money to party with him.
> 
> Lamailman,
> 
> How is D going?? I think that OM will dump your wife very soon, this can bring a lot of drama.


Milfy qualities only last as long as the money does.


----------



## Lamailman

SamuraiJack said:


> Suspecting2014 said:
> 
> 
> 
> IMO she is trying to achieve 2 things insulting Lamailman without reazon:
> 
> 1 make Lamailman look bad to convince her self that she made the rigth move leaving him. Specially now that fantasy land is begining to fade and reallity starts to show ( pennyless, jobless, single mother)
> 
> 2 Keep OMPOS with her as he is the cornerstone of fantasy land. I believe that f****ing an older woman is not enougth anymore for OM , so she needs money to party with him.
> 
> Lamailman,
> 
> How is D going?? I think that OM will dump your wife very soon, this can bring a lot of drama.
> 
> 
> 
> Milfy qualities only last as long as the money does.
Click to expand...

Thanks again everyone for the input..I've said this from the beginning that I believed he was just using her for a) sex b) a place to live ...no way a immature little punk like himself who is about womanizing, partying and not being responsible enough to even keep a job is looking for the responsibility of a woman with a instant family.

I don't know her motives behind bashing me whether she actually believe this crap about me ot not and I don't care but she must be trying to convince herself or someone else that she made the right choice. Glad she is stressing though. She put me through alot the first few months while she lived it up no consequences, time for her to see that life isnt perfect. This is just the start of her problems. Believe me I kept that ship righted for a long time.


----------



## Binji

I don't understand why she is still on your mind?

Why did you leave the house?...How can you let another trifling male, come into your house you paid for, with his filthy, musty, no job having a$$, lay his back pimpled stained body on your bed and your couch, and you not do a damn thing? He's using your bathroom, having sex in the bed you pay for, eating the food you are paying for, putting his nasty dirt stained hands and finger nails on your utensils, all the while having sex in your bedroom and staining up the sheets that you bought, while your kids are in the next room, watching the Backyardigans. How can you let that happen?

20 pages of what not do...or 20 pages of how to crash burn.

Please WAKE UP...DO SOMETHING...claim your house back...How in the world can she kick you out of your house, when she has no job, and no money? Why are you funding her? Why do you feel the need to be "fair about it"?

I'm flabbergasted as to why are you letting this happen? You're letting a cheater dictate to you what's going to happen, and then you're letting her walk all over you. The problem isn't her. She has showed you/the world her true colors. The problem is you now. Why do you continue to allow her to step on you?


----------



## G.J.

Lamailman said:


> she must be trying to convince herself or someone else that she made the right choice.


You've hit it on the head and when she eventually admits to her self she will collapse inwards 
Just keep as much eye on your children as your able when she gets to that stage as they will let you know


----------



## Wolfman1968

Lamailman said:


> I eventually come out and she is waiting with the kids in the parking lot for me and immediately starts that she is pissed off that I screwed her over again, that it is my fault she is late.* Starts saying that court needs to happen so my ass could get handed to me.* She said that I was always an a - hole* when we were together so why would I be any different now.*



What a difference two months makes.

At one time , she didn't want anything from you, wanted to be "friends".

Now she "wants your ass handed to you."

The posters predicted this would change. I hope you were able to get some agreements on paper while she was in her more "friendly" mood.


----------



## Lamailman

Update (I try to update my situation once a week)

I took my kids a few week days this week instead of my usual weekend that way I could get both my kids eye exams at the eye dr.* I know STBXW never would be responsible enough to even get that done.

One of the nights I had the kids, I believe Tuesday,* I am woken up to a text message at almost midnight.** I look over at my phone and its my STBXW's mom, she sent me a text basically just saying that it seems that I lost trust in her because I don't respond to her texts anymore and that she is sorry I feel that way.* She said she loves me very much and hopes for the best for me and that she misses me very much and felt the need to tell me.* She went on to say that she is thankful of the two grandkids I gave her and that they are a constant reminder of me .* Basically she loves me and misses me that she wanted me to know that. 

The day I was supposed to bring the kids back, the STBXW,* asked if I could keep the kids later than I was supposed to because she had job search stuff to do (reminder that POS OM, just lost his job a week ago and she never really worked so now they desperate ...oh and LMAO).* I agree the it as it gave me more time with my kids and I spent the day doing fun stuff with them after the eye dr. Appointment. 

When it came the time for me to bring them back she asked if I could bring them to her or to her mom's because she was in so much pain that she couldn't move.* (Again she's always had medical problems, when she decided to leave she was feeling healthy and felt she was probably past the health problems).* I wasn't going back to the home so I decided to being the kids to her moms.* I got there got the kids and their stuff out the vehicle and wall to the door.* Her mom comes out and asks how I am doing and if she could have a hug, I went with it.* My oldest kid asked her if she could go to the store and her grandmother responded that she was waiting to see if my STBXW was gonna go to the emergency room.* So apparently the pain story was true.

I awoke to 5 texts and a couple missed calls early Friday morning.* It was ding dong again asking if we had dental insurance because her tooth was killing her.* So apparently she is having the stomach pains and problems and also the dental problems, karma??? I gave her the needed info on the insurance.

Since then I've been receiving the sad story texts from her stateing, she is in horrible stomach pain but her doctor won't see her until she pays what she owes him from her surgery she had 2 months ago.* She is also asking if I could help her so she could go to the dentist because her tooth is killing her and she is in so much pain.* I haven't even been responding to her texts unless it's a reasonable text.

She has started texting since wednesday asking if I got my w2s in from work so we can* hurry up and go get out taxes filed.* I'm guessing she is counting on her half of the tax refund to get her out of her sticky situation (needing to pay dr. So she can get another stomach surgery, and dentist visit, and also save her sofa from being repoed that she is late on making payments).*** 

I'm not sure what she expects from me.* She is the one that decided to leave me for this POS OM little punk.* I guess she thinks I'm supposed to support her or something but her being on my insurance right now is all the help she is gonna get from me.* I don't want to hear her sad stories, they aren't my problems anymore.* When she left me my job and income came with me.* Sorry she doesn't work and her knight in shining armour can keep a job and just got fired.

Pretty pathetic that she is counting on someone else's accomplishments to bail her out of her ****ty situation she is in right now.* The tax refund that we get every year is because I work hard for what I have and she hasn't contributed to any of that income and taxable income for a good many years.

Ok, rant over lol.* Just an update of my week dealing with her and her mother.


----------



## warlock07

I think you should help if you can.


----------



## Lamailman

tdwal said:


> You know if she owes a doctor for a procedure she got while with you, you are responsible for it as well. Hope she doesn't ruin your credit.


Yea I know that. She started seeing this doctor after we seperated and I'm not sure the exact date she had the surgery as compared to the filing for divorce.. I'll have to talk to my lawyer this week as to see what I should do about this. I'll help her if he tells me I should. 

My credit is already fricked from years with her. So that is something I will work on repairing in my single life.


----------



## Nucking Futs

Not to change the subject, but what's up with all the asterisks? I keep looking at the bottom of the post but there's nothing there.

Ok, back on topic. If you have POSOM's phone number reply to her saying "if you need money call <his number> ."


----------



## farsidejunky

To echo tdwal and warlock, I do too. 

Be the better person, brother. It demonstrates to all your compassion. Besides which, you still have to be able to look yourself in the mirror.

Give it some thought.


----------



## GusPolinski

tdwal said:


> You know if she owes a doctor for a procedure she got while with you, you are responsible for it as well. *Hope she doesn't ruin your credit.*





Lamailman said:


> Yea I know that. She started seeing this doctor after we seperated and I'm not sure the exact date she had the surgery as compared to the filing for divorce.. I'll have to talk to my lawyer this week as to see what I should do about this. I'll help her if he tells me I should.
> 
> *My credit is already fricked from years with her. So that is something I will work on repairing in my single life.*


Are the two of you _legally_ separated? If not, you'd be wise to make that happen ASAP.

Also, if you decide to help her, I wouldn't do it by giving her any money... at least not any more than you're already giving her for the house, kids, etc.. Instead, you could go to her doc's office and pay toward her bill yourself.

And, actually, _*WHY* aren't you back in your house?_ Let your WW be the one to leave. Hell, tell her to GTFO and go to her mother's house... it sounds like that's where your kids are spending their "mom" time these days anyway.


----------



## Graywolf2

Don't text anything that you don't want to be read in court. Do text stuff that makes you look good.


----------



## Mr Blunt

> By Gus
> Are the two of you legally separated? If not, you'd be wise to make that happen ASAP.
> 
> Also, if you decide to help her, I wouldn't do it by giving her any money... at least not any more than you're already giving her for the house, kids, etc.. Instead, you could go to her doc's office and pay toward her bill yourself


Good advice Gus!

*Also, get all the legal documents that you and your lawyer can get so that you are no more responsible for her medical conditions ASAP.* If it is a real serious medical issue then the medical profession cannot refuse you treatment no matter what your financial status is. That is why they have an emergency room.

I think it is rubbing salt in the wound for her to ask Lamailman for money. She stabs him in the back, rejects him for her OM, gives him great emotional pain, and upsets the children to name a few. She has chosen a cheater for her man so she can go to him for money. By the way, why can’t she earn her own money? These cheaters harm spouses and innocent children then feel entitled to suck off the husband?

I know that a cheater can legally suck money off the BS for NOW*. I hope the BS gets the legal papers so that the cheater has to live with her own choices and not expect the faithful one that works to give her money*. She has already ripped his heart out now she wants to rip money from his wallet! Shameful!


----------



## Chaparral

Could someone explain why they're suggesting he bail her out? I don't get this.


----------



## warlock07

I am not suggesting that he bail her out. But if she is in emergency and in extreme physical pain, he could do what he could without much trouble(like getting a cash advance he would be giving her later anyway etc). 

No one would fault him if he wouldn't help. It is definitely going beyond what he needs to do. 


But I think showing some compasion here might be the better thing to do. You help if someone is lying injured on the street. She is someone he once loved.


----------



## honcho

Does she have a real medical issue or just hunting for cash? Doctors rarely refuse to provide treatment over billing. 

A good friend of mine when his ex left suddenly had medical issues so she was constantly asking for money so she could get treatment. He gave her money and a couple of weeks later she blew the money on new breasts. Apparently the new boytoy liked them bigger so that was the "pressing" medical need. 

Just be wary as she has used several angles looking for money already.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## OldWolf57

NO NO NO !!! You have done more than enough for this woman that just weeks ago came with a man in the car, and then had the nerve to call you a loser.

It must be lingering good cheer or something, with those saying help her.
If it was me, I wouldn't spit on her if she was burning.

Hurt me, well ok, but hurting my kids and all bets are off.

Let her new FB pay the dentist, getting her mouth healed benefits him not you.
Hell, he sleeps in the bed you paid for, and rides in the car you brought. Now she wants you to foot the bill for his pleasure.

And I do remember a saying,,, "let the dead bury the dead."


----------



## LongWalk

There is merit in covering some medical costs if documented. The reasons are:

1) The kids need both their parents on the ball. If mom is wreck, they don't benefit. You don't like your sucky old car, but with bald tires and a dead battery, the inconvenience is a hassle.

2) Divorce is not done yet. Now is an opportunity to be generous so that it goes through smoothly.

3) She will ruin her credit and eff up her life if that is her style. Giving her a chance to pull herself together won't change her eventual path downwards if she is set on it.

LMM,

Detach. Don't let her get under your skin. Easily said, I know but you are mastering a bad situation pretty well.

She'll have to get Obamacare in the end. That's a kind of punishment. It's a new kind of infidelity tax.


----------



## azteca1986

warlock07 said:


> But I think showing some compasion here might be the better thing to do. You help if someone is lying injured on the street. She is someone he once loved.


Last week she was calling him a loser in front of their young kids.

She fired him. Good luck to her with the new life she chose.


----------



## Suspecting2014

IMO you should help her, as she is the mother of your childreen and in the future she may hold this to badmouth you to your kids.

Just include everything, well documented, in her part of the assets share. Let her know about this and give her a date when she is going to be out your insurance. Also tell her a date she needs to be out your house to proceed with D.

Does she knows you are D her?

You really need to get rid of her ASAP.

Is OMPOS stil with her? This kind of POS use to run away when things start to fall apart...plus your MIL latest action may try to be a first step to your wife attempt to R.

Last question, if WW wants back would you do it?


----------



## Lamailman

azteca1986 said:


> warlock07 said:
> 
> 
> 
> But I think showing some compasion here might be the better thing to do. You help if someone is lying injured on the street. She is someone he once loved.
> 
> 
> 
> Last week she was calling him a loser in front of their young kids.
> 
> She fired him. Good luck to her with the new life she chose.
Click to expand...

Exactly. I'm a good guy and even though she did this horrible unforgivable stuff to me, I still feel kind of sorry for her. I doubt she is making up the medical issues because she's always had medical problems. As much as it sickens me as to what she has done to me and is putting my kids through in this situation, they do need both parents. It seems like my kids are spending alot of time at my MILs.

So I am truly torn in the situation because I don't want my kids to suffer from mom not being about to care for them because she is in bed all day but the truth of the situation is....she made her bed now she has to lay in it.

Like many here have said, she has fired me and hired that great catch she has now (mr. Unemployment) lol. Her health problems are exactly that, her problems. I'll look into what I should do.on that doctor payment situation tomorrow but she needs to stop laying her problems on me. When she chose the punk OM over me, her problems were none of my concern anymore. OM lost his job now they scrambling for money and answers. Real life consequences are finally starting to catch up with her. And that greener grass new life isn't as nice as it seemed from the other side of the fence.


----------



## Lamailman

Suspecting2014 said:


> IMO you should help her, as she is the mother of your childreen and in the future she may hold this to badmouth you to your kids.
> 
> Just include everything, well documented, in her part of the assets share. Let her know about this and give her a date when she is going to be out your insurance. Also tell her a date she needs to be out your house to proceed with D.
> 
> Does she knows you are D her?
> 
> You really need to get rid of her ASAP.
> 
> Is OMPOS stil with her? This kind of POS use to run away when things start to fall apart...plus your MIL latest action may try to be a first step to your wife attempt to R.
> 
> Last question, if WW wants back would you do it?


Thanks for the response.

Yes she is aware that we are divorcing. 

I don't think my MILs actions had anything to do with my WW possibly wanting to R. She just knew from the beginning that my WW was making a big mistake by throwing away what she had for what she was going after. Her mom genuinely misses me I'm sure, because I did alot for them over the years and bailed them out of some tough situations.

As for your last question, no I have no interest in taking my WW back even if she came crawling back. Whats done is done and it's time to move on with my life with out her. I'll have a good life because I am responsible and have a good career and of course I'll take good care of my two kids. Only persons future that she threw away was hers.


----------



## Mr.Fisty

Congrats on finding your self worth. She may be genuinely remorseful, but she burned enough bridges on the way out to make reconciliation not possible for you. It is neither right nor wrong to divorce. Your experience of what she put you through is beyond your threshold to be in a fulfilling relationship with her. Hopefully she gets the help she needs to be a stable mother. If she corrects her flaws, perhaps she will find some fulfillment some day. Just keep yourself and the children as a priority. Keep growing as an individual. Make the investment in yourself, and there will be someone of great value that will appreciate it when they see it.

If you wanted to reconcile with her, she would of have to make the investments in herself. Just like if she was a drug addict, and she neglected you and the family, it would neither be right nor wrong if you divorced. An addict usually picks the drug over the family until they hit rock bottom. She was on a hormonal high similar to cocaine, and it was her decision to try the drug of infidelity. Like an addict, reality hits them in the face, and their perception changes when the fantasy is gone. Just like a gambling addict who puts their family into financial ruin, and the family decides to leave them. Reality may of slapped her in the face, helping her to see what a mess she made of her life, but that is her burden to bear.


----------



## farsidejunky

Chaparral said:


> Could someone explain why they're suggesting he bail her out? I don't get this.


She is not asking for beer money or for him to babysit to go out with the OM.

This is different.


----------



## Chaparral

farsidejunky said:


> She is not asking for beer money or for him to babysit to go out with the OM.
> 
> This is different.


So if your boss fires you and then gets behind on his project, he calls your incompetent, loser a$$ and you go running back to help him out?

What she has done is a hundred times worse than that. She's done the worse thing a wife can do to a man and now she needs him. How is she going to act when she feels better?


----------



## LongWalk

Go to the dentist and doctors with her. Look at the bill to make certain of the amount and then give her the money to pay it on the spot. If the money is important, make her sign an IOU. This will create some moral order. If she is insolent or entitled, take note so that the next time she comes with a sob story, you can just turn her down.

I don't think she became this person overnight. She is sort of like the GoodGuy's loser wife. Oops, ex wife.


----------



## turnera

Does your city have a charity hospital? You could suggest she go there.

Aside from that, I would give her a legal cash advance toward anything she might get out of the divorce, per your lawyer's advice, hopefully today. You try lying around in horrible stomach and tooth pain for a week.


----------



## G.J.

Lamailman said:


> Exactly. I'm a good guy and even though she did this horrible unforgivable stuff to me, I still feel kind of sorry for her. I doubt she is making up the medical issues because she's always had medical problems. As much as it sickens me as to what she has done to me and is putting my kids through in this situation, they do need both parents. It seems like my kids are spending alot of time at my MILs.
> 
> So I am truly torn in the situation because I don't want my kids to suffer from mom not being about to care for them because she is in bed all day but the truth of the situation is....she made her bed now she has to lay in it.
> 
> Like many here have said, she has fired me and hired that great catch she has now (mr. Unemployment) lol. Her health problems are exactly that, her problems. I'll look into what I should do.on that doctor payment situation tomorrow but she needs to stop laying her problems on me. When she chose the punk OM over me, her problems were none of my concern anymore. OM lost his job now they scrambling for money and answers. Real life consequences are finally starting to catch up with her. And that greener grass new life isn't as nice as it seemed from the other side of the fence.


I would only do what your lawyer says you have to do and no more unless you want to be an enabler to her lecherous ways

The OM I'm sure is slowly waking up to an older sick person and it won't be long till he moves onto fresh pasture

I'm sure her fog will clear very quickly the longer she is sick and the OM fails to be able to provide for her

I never understood why you left the house though and enabled her an easy way

You may be the good guy but don't be a complete mug and let them rely on you to provide assistance as you no longer count to them 

Just remember what little thought she gave you sleeping with him and destroying your family


----------



## BWBill

I don't understand why you would offer to pay any of these expenses. Even if she's telling the truth, she's not your responsibility any more. If you pay now when do you stop? Or do you pay her medical expenses forever?

As to the children, as long as you are prepared to care for them then they will be fine. Their mother is clearly going to provide them with issues, medical or otherwise.

Keep disengaging. Do not be her plan b, either emotional or financial.


----------



## Ripper

No way. She has already taken enough off you and will get even more once this is settled in court. Apparently paying for her insurance and leaving her in the residence isn't enough for some people. 

Do what you feel is necessary OP. Just remember that if the roles were reversed you would be on your own and no brigade of white knights would be advocating for her to pay your expenses.

Best of luck with all of this and sorry you are here.


----------



## farsidejunky

Chaparral said:


> So if your boss fires you and then gets behind on his project, he calls your incompetent, loser a$$ and you go running back to help him out?
> 
> What she has done is a hundred times worse than that. She's done the worse thing a wife can do to a man and now she needs him. How is she going to act when she feels better?


Apples and oranges.

The boss's project had no ability to impact the well being of his children. 

Their mothers health does.


----------



## LongWalk

WW does not have her shxt together. She is going to be begging for help for some time to come.


----------



## sidney2718

Lamailman said:


> Thanks for the response.
> 
> Yes she is aware that we are divorcing.
> 
> I don't think my MILs actions had anything to do with my WW possibly wanting to R. She just knew from the beginning that my WW was making a big mistake by throwing away what she had for what she was going after. Her mom genuinely misses me I'm sure, because I did alot for them over the years and bailed them out of some tough situations.
> 
> As for your last question, no I have no interest in taking my WW back even if she came crawling back. Whats done is done and it's time to move on with my life with out her. I'll have a good life because I am responsible and have a good career and of course I'll take good care of my two kids. Only persons future that she threw away was hers.


Just remember two things. Your STBXW will always be your kids mother and your MIL will always be their grandmother. You can't do much about your STBXW, but be as good to your MIL as you can be. You can count on her when it comes to her grandchildren.


----------



## warlock07

Lamailman,don't let the hate for her actions and what she did to you change you as a person. Use it to move away from her and divorce her. But don't let her actions leave you a bitter and jaded man.


----------



## Lamailman

New update:

My stbxw still reaches out to my buddy sometimes to talk to him. He was friends with us as a couple and me and him are very close since the seperation but she doesn't know that we are closer now. Well she reaches out to him to talk every so often but he doesn't tell her we talk everyday. He just tells her he talked to me a few times but that's it.

Well she reached out to him yesterday so he said what the hell I'll go meet her and let her talk. For some crazy reason she been wanting to introduce her OM to my buddy.

when he went meet her she proceeded to tell him how happy she is now. She told him that I have a gf (not sure where this comes from because I dont) and she hit him with the big bombshell news.....wait for it.....she says her and her new man are getting married lol...what an idiot right. After a few months of them dating now they are talking matriage? Still in the honey moon phase and talking marriage, good luck with that...

Whats gonna happen is she will get half of my stuff in the divorce that she never contributed to and then they go a get married an he's gonna end up with half of that when they divorce a year later because he has nothing.

She might have made it a point to tell my buddy about marriage and how extremely she is happy now just so it could get back to me, I don't know 

I'm not worried about it but I think they are a good match for each other both are idiots.


----------



## GusPolinski

Lamailman said:


> New update:
> 
> My stbxw still reaches out to my buddy sometimes to talk to him. He was friends with us as a couple and me and him are very close since the seperation but she doesn't know that we are closer now. Well she reaches out to him to talk every so often but he doesn't tell her we talk everyday. He just tells her he talked to me a few times but that's it.
> 
> Well she reached out to him yesterday so he said what the hell I'll go meet her and let her talk. For some crazy reason she been wanting to introduce her OM to my buddy.
> 
> when he went meet her she proceeded to tell him how happy she is now. She told him that I have a gf (not sure where this comes from because I dont) and she hit him with the big bombshell news.....wait for it.....she says her and her new man are getting married lol...what an idiot right. After a few months of them dating now they are talking matriage? Still in the honey moon phase and talking marriage, good luck with that...
> 
> Whats gonna happen is she will get half of my stuff in the divorce that she never contributed to and then they go a get married an he's gonna end up with half of that when they divorce a year later because he has nothing.
> 
> *She might have made it a point to tell my buddy about marriage and how extremely she is happy now just so it could get back to me, I don't know *
> 
> I'm not worried about it but I think they are a good match for each other both are idiots.


Yep.


----------



## wmn1

Lamailman said:


> New update:
> 
> My stbxw still reaches out to my buddy sometimes to talk to him. He was friends with us as a couple and me and him are very close since the seperation but she doesn't know that we are closer now. Well she reaches out to him to talk every so often but he doesn't tell her we talk everyday. He just tells her he talked to me a few times but that's it.
> 
> Well she reached out to him yesterday so he said what the hell I'll go meet her and let her talk. For some crazy reason she been wanting to introduce her OM to my buddy.
> 
> when he went meet her she proceeded to tell him how happy she is now. She told him that I have a gf (not sure where this comes from because I dont) and she hit him with the big bombshell news.....wait for it.....she says her and her new man are getting married lol...what an idiot right. After a few months of them dating now they are talking matriage? Still in the honey moon phase and talking marriage, good luck with that...
> 
> Whats gonna happen is she will get half of my stuff in the divorce that she never contributed to and then they go a get married an he's gonna end up with half of that when they divorce a year later because he has nothing.
> 
> She might have made it a point to tell my buddy about marriage and how extremely she is happy now just so it could get back to me, I don't know
> 
> I'm not worried about it but I think they are a good match for each other both are idiots.



when is the divorce so you can get rid of her completely ?


----------



## convert

On the upside, if she gets married that should end any spousal support, right?


----------



## tom67

convert said:


> On the upside, if she gets married that should end any spousal support, right?


:iagree::iagree::iagree:


----------



## honcho

Lamailman said:


> New update:
> 
> My stbxw still reaches out to my buddy sometimes to talk to him. He was friends with us as a couple and me and him are very close since the seperation but she doesn't know that we are closer now. Well she reaches out to him to talk every so often but he doesn't tell her we talk everyday. He just tells her he talked to me a few times but that's it.
> 
> Well she reached out to him yesterday so he said what the hell I'll go meet her and let her talk. For some crazy reason she been wanting to introduce her OM to my buddy.
> 
> when he went meet her she proceeded to tell him how happy she is now. She told him that I have a gf (not sure where this comes from because I dont) and she hit him with the big bombshell news.....wait for it.....she says her and her new man are getting married lol...what an idiot right. After a few months of them dating now they are talking matriage? Still in the honey moon phase and talking marriage, good luck with that...
> 
> Whats gonna happen is she will get half of my stuff in the divorce that she never contributed to and then they go a get married an he's gonna end up with half of that when they divorce a year later because he has nothing.
> 
> She might have made it a point to tell my buddy about marriage and how extremely she is happy now just so it could get back to me, I don't know
> 
> I'm not worried about it but I think they are a good match for each other both are idiots.


Get your divorce done. Honestly keep her in the idiot phase and let them be "in love". Stuff can be replaced and its much easier to replace stuff than deal with her after fantasyland blows up. 

Puppy love is a wonderful thing, use it to your advantage.


----------



## ConanHub

Are they including stupidity boosters with flu shots?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## GusPolinski

ConanHub said:


> Are they including stupidity boosters with flu shots?


Must... not... make... hot... beef... injection... joke...


----------



## ConanHub

LOL!!! You dirty minded fool!! Keep up the good work!&#55357;&#56841;&#55357;&#56840;
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lamailman

honcho said:


> Lamailman said:
> 
> 
> 
> New update:
> 
> My stbxw still reaches out to my buddy sometimes to talk to him. He was friends with us as a couple and me and him are very close since the seperation but she doesn't know that we are closer now. Well she reaches out to him to talk every so often but he doesn't tell her we talk everyday. He just tells her he talked to me a few times but that's it.
> 
> Well she reached out to him yesterday so he said what the hell I'll go meet her and let her talk. For some crazy reason she been wanting to introduce her OM to my buddy.
> 
> when he went meet her she proceeded to tell him how happy she is now. She told him that I have a gf (not sure where this comes from because I dont) and she hit him with the big bombshell news.....wait for it.....she says her and her new man are getting married lol...what an idiot right. After a few months of them dating now they are talking matriage? Still in the honey moon phase and talking marriage, good luck with that...
> 
> Whats gonna happen is she will get half of my stuff in the divorce that she never contributed to and then they go a get married an he's gonna end up with half of that when they divorce a year later because he has nothing.
> 
> She might have made it a point to tell my buddy about marriage and how extremely she is happy now just so it could get back to me, I don't know
> 
> I'm not worried about it but I think they are a good match for each other both are idiots.
> 
> 
> 
> anyway doesn't bother me , she's his problem now muwhahaha (evil laugh).
> 
> Get your divorce done. Honestly keep her in the idiot phase and let them be "in love". Stuff can be replaced and its much easier to replace stuff than deal with her after fantasyland blows up.
> 
> Puppy love is a wonderful thing, use it to your advantage.
Click to expand...

is this real what they are feeling or is it really just fantasy land , honeymoon phase fog? They've been together at least 5 months now, u would think reality would have kicked in.

anyway , it doesn't bother me as she is his problem now muwhahaha (evil laugh)


----------



## Suspecting2014

Ask you friend to advice her to D ASAP. This way you both get what you want.

Is she in the fog? Maybe a bit. I Believe she is in denial about the Choices she has made. That is why she says you have a GF, to bolster her choice to dump you.

She has a house, kids, money you give her and a new bf to party. When reality hits her everyting will change.

How is your D going??


----------



## poida

Suspecting2014 said:


> Ask you friend to advice her to D ASAP. This way you both get what you want.
> 
> Is she in the fog? Maybe a bit. I Believe she is in denial about the Choices she has made. That is why says you have a GF, to bolster her choice to dump you.
> 
> She has a house, kids, money you give her and a new bf to party. When reality hits her everyting will change.
> 
> How is your D going??


I think a lot of women including my WW start in a fog and by the time they begin to wake up, they are scared it is too late and their BS won't forgive them and they are better just staying with the new man. I would say that is what happened to my WW.


----------



## honcho

Lamailman said:


> is this real what they are feeling or is it really just fantasy land , honeymoon phase fog? They've been together at least 5 months now, u would think reality would have kicked in.
> 
> anyway , it doesn't bother me as she is his problem now muwhahaha (evil laugh)


Its pretty much fantasyland until the day your divorced. The infatuation stage can last for a long time especially if she is trying to show you up. 

When my brother got divorced his ex stayed in fantasyland literally till the day of divorce final. He walked out of court a free man and she got dumped by the om on the court steps.

Once she became a free woman the om had no real interest in being responsible for her. Dump and move to the next soulmate
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Citylinesox

Omg. I must be heartless here. If my husband had left for another woman and expected me to help him whether financially or medically I'd tell him where to go.


----------



## ConanHub

Citylinesox said:


> Omg. I must be heartless here. If my husband had left for another woman and expected me to help him whether financially or medically I'd tell him where to go.


Preaching to the choir here.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## LongWalk

She's in love and lust, but the infrastructure ain't in place. 

Just keep detaching. Whether you support her a little more or less, is not the key. She needs to feel that for you she is "whatever". She is headed out of your life, except for the co-parenting.


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## turnera

Suspecting2014 said:


> Ask you friend to advice her to D ASAP. This way you both get what you want.


To take that a step further, approach her and tell her if she'll take 25% of what she wanted, you'll make sure the divorce goes through immediately.


----------



## Suspecting2014

Lamailman;



IMO, you must find the way to get D ASAP while she is in the fog about her new life.



The key point is how to convince her to move to D as she is in a great spot right now, she has:



· Paid house;

· House expenses paid;

· Money for kids support, used for party as well to keep OM interest;

· Free weekends to party (Lamalman taking care of the kids)

· Young stud that agrees and supports everything she says (he pretty much has to as long as she is paying for everything, letting him live for free in Lamailman house and fu....her);

· A health and dental insurance for free; and

· The most important... wait for it... LAMAILMAN SPONSORING EVERYTHING!!!!



So why would she change???????



Lamailman, you have shown her that is OK to be in this situation and even have the nerve to ask you for more?



As you are filling D under infidelity, I believe is the way to get the best deal in D. The problem is that as it is taking so long she is beginning to realize that fantasy land is tearing down, as money problems and health problems are showing up.



Ask your fiend to carry a VAR, next time he met her and make her talk about the wedding and how wonderful relation she has now, for how long she has been with him, etc. and. Ask your lawyer as this is all you may need.



You should consider that:



As more time you are married to her, you are more probably to pay alimony for more time.

She may realize that after D she will not have your health and dental insurance.

The day OM cant get anything form her (money, party, etc) and she ask him to work to sustain her, that day OM will run faster that Usain Bolt, hours later she will be begging you, and days later she will be fighting you for everything in court. So try not to scare away OM until the last moment.


You should get her serve ASAP but tell her that you are doing it, ask her for full cooperation to settle everything without the need of lawyers to save you money and save her money.



Of course you need to be ahead and define the frame for the negotiation, D under her infidelity.

Be aware that the moment you tell her about D, she will say everyone trying to justify her behavior again...play it cool and dont get mad as it only will reinfore her argments.


----------



## happyman64

LMM

Keep up the positive attitude.

And if you do help her out with medical expenses just make it clear to her it will be deducted from the tax refund.


I like your MIL. Keep her in the lineup. Especially if she is good to your kids.

HM


----------



## Lamailman

Hey everyone. Just another update of my excitment. 

STBXW has been hounding me about my w2's so we could go do taxes. She was dieing for us to do taxes because she is hurting bad for money with her not working and OM getting fired.

Well we went Thursday to do our taxes and we sat there for an hour in the lobby not saying anything and then we got called to the back. The CPA had to leave the room for a few minutes to go check something and of course the STBXW had to start her usual BS on me. She kept trying to scare me with stuff her lawyer supposedly said and other crap. She would sit there texting someone and giggling so I guess she was making fun of me or whatever. I never gave her the satisfaction of getting me mad or upset. She even asked me at one point of i wanted to slap her at which i responded no. She said because I want to slap u right now, and my response was simply ok. It pissed her off more because u could tell she was just trying to push my buttons and I wasn't gonna let it work.

I could since her getting more and more adgetated she was huffing and puffing Thad slamming her phone into her purse but i kept my head down and didn't say anything.

It'd her that she doesn't bother me and she then said I didn't bother her eityer. I then told her I didn't care and she responded that you haven't cared for a long time to which I just said ok whatever.

As we were leaving, she was parked next to me well she continued to ask me for money which i ignored her and she tried to put a sad story on me that she's gonna have to have surgery again and get her bladder removed. Her personal health problems are none of my concern. 

Well I had my two kids this weekend and it was a pretty quiet weekend,didn't hear from her much. Anyway she asked if she was vetting the kids back today at the usual time we meet and i said yes. As that time approached. She asked if I could meet her closer to home because she didn't have much gas so i said yes that was no problem.

i reached the meeting spot first and i seen her pull in talking on her phone. She pulled up and i got my 2 kids out my vehicle and got their stuff. She got our her car and Icoukd hear her sniffling as the kids got in her car. I went around to the other side of my vehicle to look for something one of the kids dropped and as I come around, I see she has the bills in her hand that I requested. Up until then I had kept my head and eyes down because I do t even like looking at her anymore. Well when I raise my eyes to get the bills fro.her i realise her makeup is all smeared, and she is crying. I took the bills and got in my truck and drove away. 

I'm not sure what her problem was but she looked to be pretty upset. She also had a pretty big bruise (days old) on her upper arm from what looked like it would be a grab mark. Idk what to think but i guess it's none of my business as long as my kids are. are in affected right? Her problems might be from her new OM or might not.


----------



## Wolfman1968

Lamailman said:


> Hey everyone. Just another update of my excitment.
> 
> STBXW has been hounding me about my w2's so we could go do taxes. She was dieing for us to do taxes because she is hurting bad for money with her not working and OM getting fired.
> 
> Well we went Thursday to do our taxes and we sat there for an hour in the lobby not saying anything and then we got called to the back. The CPA had to leave the room for a few minutes to go check something and of course the STBXW had to start her usual BS on me. She kept trying to scare me with stuff her lawyer supposedly said and other crap. She would sit there texting someone and giggling so I guess she was making fun of me or whatever. I never gave her the satisfaction of getting me mad or upset. She even asked me at one point of i wanted to slap her at which i responded no. She said because I want to slap u right now, and my response was simply ok. It pissed her off more because u could tell she was just trying to push my buttons and I wasn't gonna let it work.
> 
> I could since her getting more and more adgetated she was huffing and puffing Thad slamming her phone into her purse but i kept my head down and didn't say anything.
> 
> It'd her that she doesn't bother me and she then said I didn't bother her eityer. I then told her I didn't care and she responded that you haven't cared for a long time to which I just said ok whatever.
> 
> As we were leaving, she was parked next to me well she continued to ask me for money which i ignored her and she tried to put a sad story on me that she's gonna have to have surgery again and get her bladder removed. Her personal health problems are none of my concern.
> 
> Well I had my two kids this weekend and it was a pretty quiet weekend,didn't hear from her much. Anyway she asked if she was vetting the kids back today at the usual time we meet and i said yes. As that time approached. She asked if I could meet her closer to home because she didn't have much gas so i said yes that was no problem.
> 
> i reached the meeting spot first and i seen her pull in talking on her phone. She pulled up and i got my 2 kids out my vehicle and got their stuff. She got our her car and Icoukd hear her sniffling as the kids got in her car. I went around to the other side of my vehicle to look for something one of the kids dropped and as I come around, I see she has the bills in her hand that I requested. Up until then I had kept my head and eyes down because I do t even like looking at her anymore. Well when I raise my eyes to get the bills fro.her i realise her makeup is all smeared, and she is crying. I took the bills and got in my truck and drove away.
> 
> I'm not sure what her problem was but she looked to be pretty upset. She also had a pretty big bruise (days old) on her upper arm from what looked like it would be a grab mark. Idk what to think but i guess it's none of my business as long as my kids are. are in affected right? Her problems might be from her new OM or might not.


Make sure your kids are safe.

That is your first priority.

I wouldn't get involved in her personal drama; it's not your role and there is no way it turns out well for you. But make sure your kids are OK.


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## the guy

Cheaters never prosper.


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## turnera

There's always a chance that this is a big learning experience for her and that she can come out the other end a better person. Asking herself what she did to end up like this. You never know.


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## the guy

Wolfman1968 said:


> Make sure your kids are safe.
> 
> That is your first priority.
> 
> I wouldn't get involved in her personal drama; it's not your role and there is no way it turns out well for you. But make sure your kids are OK.


Worth repeating:smthumbup:


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## the guy

What a dumb @ss for picking up the kids in that state!


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## tom67

Wolfman1968 said:


> Make sure your kids are safe.
> 
> That is your first priority.
> 
> I wouldn't get involved in her personal drama; it's not your role and there is no way it turns out well for you. But make sure your kids are OK.


God I hate this but if one or both of the kids have bruises get legal help first and keep them but have witnisses/take pictures.
Child services for the most part is not your friend.
That should be your last option.
Sorry.


----------



## Mr Blunt

Lamailman

Your interactions with your WW were very good! IMO.
A week or so ago she was telling your friend how happy she is but her actions at the tax office and in the car seems to contradict her being happy; however, she seems very interested in your money. If her consequences are starting to bite her in the butt already then she is one of the early ones. Sometimes it takes years before the reality of the consequences of betraying the family become very evident.

Do not be surprised if she comes to you in the future with a very sad story with lots of emotion and tears. She may even tell you how she did not realize what a great man you are and how she was so fooled and mixed up and bla bla bla. You may even feel sorry for her but you have already made up your mind so I want to encourage you. You are handling this situation with great composure and I think that you have a very good possibility of having a very good life in the future.

Stick with the long range plan and keep improving yourself and get even closer to your children. You and your children are all that matters now.


----------



## GusPolinski

Lamailman said:


> Hey everyone. Just another update of my excitment.
> 
> STBXW has been hounding me about my w2's so we could go do taxes. She was dieing for us to do taxes because she is hurting bad for money with her not working and OM getting fired.
> 
> Well we went Thursday to do our taxes and we sat there for an hour in the lobby not saying anything and then we got called to the back. The CPA had to leave the room for a few minutes to go check something and of course the STBXW had to start her usual BS on me. She kept trying to scare me with stuff her lawyer supposedly said and other crap. She would sit there texting someone and giggling so I guess she was making fun of me or whatever. I never gave her the satisfaction of getting me mad or upset. She even asked me at one point of i wanted to slap her at which i responded no. She said because I want to slap u right now, and my response was simply ok. It pissed her off more because u could tell she was just trying to push my buttons and I wasn't gonna let it work.
> 
> I could since her getting more and more adgetated she was huffing and puffing Thad slamming her phone into her purse but i kept my head down and didn't say anything.
> 
> It'd her that she doesn't bother me and she then said I didn't bother her eityer. I then told her I didn't care and she responded that you haven't cared for a long time to which I just said ok whatever.
> 
> As we were leaving, she was parked next to me well she continued to ask me for money which i ignored her and she tried to put a sad story on me that she's gonna have to have surgery again and get her bladder removed. Her personal health problems are none of my concern.
> 
> Well I had my two kids this weekend and it was a pretty quiet weekend,didn't hear from her much. Anyway she asked if she was vetting the kids back today at the usual time we meet and i said yes. As that time approached. She asked if I could meet her closer to home because she didn't have much gas so i said yes that was no problem.
> 
> i reached the meeting spot first and i seen her pull in talking on her phone. She pulled up and i got my 2 kids out my vehicle and got their stuff. She got our her car and Icoukd hear her sniffling as the kids got in her car. I went around to the other side of my vehicle to look for something one of the kids dropped and as I come around, I see she has the bills in her hand that I requested. Up until then I had kept my head and eyes down because I do t even like looking at her anymore. Well when I raise my eyes to get the bills fro.her i realise her makeup is all smeared, and she is crying. I took the bills and got in my truck and drove away.
> 
> I'm not sure what her problem was but she looked to be pretty upset. She also had a pretty big bruise (days old) on her upper arm from what looked like it would be a grab mark. Idk what to think but i guess it's none of my business as long as my kids are. are in affected right? Her problems might be from her new OM or might not.


Dude...

VAR. VAR. VAR. VAR. VAR. 

*VAR!!!*


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## KingwoodKev

It amazes me that these ladies think the AP is somehow a keeper. If he was even remotely a decent human being he wouldn't have ever messed with a married woman. He's a scumbag and he's going to be a scumbag to her same as all his past women.


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## Jasel

Doesn't sound like she even has any grass to actually _be _green on the other side.


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## tom67

Jasel said:


> Doesn't sound like she even has any grass to actually _be _green on the other side.


BINGO!
So sad what a waste.
Protect the kids.


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## Dogbert

Jasel said:


> Doesn't sound like she even has any grass to actually _be _green on the other side.


It looks like there is more fertilizer than actual grass.


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## Q tip

Well the grass is greener over the cesspool...


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## Lamailman

KingwoodKev said:


> It amazes me that these ladies think the AP is somehow a keeper. If he was even remotely a decent human being he wouldn't have ever messed with a married woman. He's a scumbag and he's going to be a scumbag to her same as all his past women.


Exactly. He obviously has no morals because we got with a woman who he knew was married and had kids. It also amazes me that these women think they have a good catch with these OM. They come around and ad some excitment to their lives and I guess it blinds them for awhile. Just from the outside looking in, you could tell she's gonna eventually run into problems with him. I mean he has trouble keeping a job, doesn't have much to his name, has a history of a bunch of women. You guys said it right with the grass isn't greener statement. He is a septic tank and eventually the sh*t will run over. I'm just glad my boots will stay clean from that mess.


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## Mr Blunt

> He is a septic tank and eventually the sh*t will run over.


*And that is when she will probably remember you!*



> Do not be surprised if she comes to you in the future with a very sad story with lots of emotion and tears. She may even tell you how she did not realize what a great man you are and how she was so fooled and mixed up and bla bla bla.


----------



## LongWalk

Your WW is an emotional person who needed a heavy dose of reality to learn why marriage is contractual relationship that offers men confidence in the paternity of their offspring and women confidence in financial and child rearing support. But like all contracts, both parties have to perceive value and hold up their end.

Your WW is coming to you for support because the state forces spouses to continue to support those who have made an investment in the relationship. Is this a fair system? One can debate this. But in any case, you need to keep teaching your WW the lesson. Be calm and dignified, as you have been, let her wake up.

You may not ever want her back, but her emergence from this adulterous relationship is still desirable for you, your children and even her. Who will catch her on the rebound?


----------



## Lamailman

Another update from my situation:

Well I ran into my STBXW'S cousins Wednesday afternoon and they had some interesting things to say the least. 
-my wife had been bad mouthing me to everyone saying I had been cheating on her 
-I was apparently according to her claiming to be going to work on some overtime days and night shifts ,but what I was really doing was going stay with some women
-my paychecks were getting smaller according to her and I couldn't explain why
-her POS OM according to the got fired from his job in late December and still isn't working now at late February 
-apparently one of her cousins went to the POSOMs dad's house and they got to talking and his dad said his son (POSOM) has asked a few times to come home and live with him because him and my STBXW were fighting, haha

Well because I'm still paying the bills to the home and not giving her extra, she was waiting for her half of our tax refund that she was entitled to. I gave her her half Wednesday afternoon and when she came get it her neck was cover with hickeys. So now with the too bums having a large some of money I'm sure they are living the good life ...at least for a short amount of time because they will burn through that money quick , with both of them not working. 

Well let me get this clear, I've never cheated in her honestly and the days I said I was going to work, guess what??...I was actually doing the responsible thing and going to work. My checks were never getting smaller and that would be evident by looking at my final income for the year. Her excuses and blameshifting are pathetic especially when I don't even mess with them and mind my own business. 

On a final note, let me go ahead and congratulate my STBXW and her other man on their engagement last night after our 5 months of being seperated and also her being able to afford to by her a ring off of her half of the tax refund that she did absolutely nothing to contribute to. I'm happy that they could take advantage of someone else's hard work and accomplishments. Lmao

Anyway that will never last especially when he had nothing invested in that relationship. He lives there free, doesn't work, gets feed, sex, didn't have to spend a cent for an engagement ring just to shut her up. He can leave at any moment and lose nothing so he is on the gravy train..

Let's let's everyone get a good laugh at them because I'm at the point where I think they are comical. 

Rant over.


----------



## wmn1

Lamailman said:


> Another update from my situation:
> 
> Well I ran into my STBXW'S cousins Wednesday afternoon and they had some interesting things to say the least.
> -my wife had been bad mouthing me to everyone saying I had been cheating on her
> -I was apparently according to her claiming to be going to work on some overtime days and night shifts ,but what I was really doing was going stay with some women
> -my paychecks were getting smaller according to her and I couldn't explain why
> -her POS OM according to the got fired from his job in late December and still isn't working now at late February
> -apparently one of her cousins went to the POSOMs dad's house and they got to talking and his dad said his son (POSOM) has asked a few times to come home and live with him because him and my STBXW were fighting, haha
> 
> Well because I'm still paying the bills to the home and not giving her extra, she was waiting for her half of our tax refund that she was entitled to. I gave her her half Wednesday afternoon and when she came get it her neck was cover with hickeys. So now with the too bums having a large some of money I'm sure they are living the good life ...at least for a short amount of time because they will burn through that money quick , with both of them not working.
> 
> Well let me get this clear, I've never cheated in her honestly and the days I said I was going to work, guess what??...I was actually doing the responsible thing and going to work. My checks were never getting smaller and that would be evident by looking at my final income for the year. Her excuses and blameshifting are pathetic especially when I don't even mess with them and mind my own business.
> 
> On a final note, let me go ahead and congratulate my STBXW and her other man on their engagement last night after our 5 months of being seperated and also her being able to afford to by her a ring off of her half of the tax refund that she did absolutely nothing to contribute to. I'm happy that they could take advantage of someone else's hard work and accomplishments. Lmao
> 
> Anyway that will never last especially when he had nothing invested in that relationship. He lives there free, doesn't work, gets feed, sex, didn't have to spend a cent for an engagement ring just to shut her up. He can leave at any moment and lose nothing so he is on the gravy train..
> 
> Let's let's everyone get a good laugh at them because I'm at the point where I think they are comical.
> 
> Rant over.



It would be comical if you weren't the collateral damage.

When is the divorce and are you confident you are ging to wipe her out in it or are you forever going to be supporting this POSOM who is a dirtball ?

What are you doing to save your reputation among these people she is lying to about you ?

Just curious

BTW I can't laugh because it is criminal what she has done to you although I do think it's karma that her relationship with this dirtball is horrible and she's getting engaged anyway.

Why didn't you file married but serperate ?


----------



## Cabsy

Fantasy vs. Reality. It is comical. A tragic comedy. And the scripts have about as much inspiration as an Adam Sandler movie.

Cheaters create their fantasies effortlessly, and they fall into them without a care; but keeping those fantasies from unraveling at the first hint of trouble... now that takes work. Being in a cheater crush is like wearing a pair of extended-duration beer goggles.

Laughing as your STBXW's vision begins to clear and her world begins to crumble is all well and good, but how are things on your end? You frankly still seem a bit fixated on her... though I understand today was a big day for her.


----------



## Dogbert

This is another reminder for good men and women. When it comes to marriage, *let the buyer beware.*.


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## Lamailman

Cabsy said:


> Fantasy vs. Reality. It is comical. A tragic comedy. And the scripts have about as much inspiration as an Adam Sandler movie.
> 
> Cheaters create their fantasies effortlessly, and they fall into them without a care; but keeping those fantasies from unraveling at the first hint of trouble... now that takes work. Being in a cheater crush is like wearing a pair of extended-duration beer goggles.
> 
> Laughing as your STBXW's vision begins to clear and her world begins to crumble is all well and good, but how are things on your end? You frankly still seem a bit fixated on her... though I understand today was a big day for her.


Nah, things are good on my end. I am much happier now without all of her drama and being around her crazy family. I have improved my financial situation a substantial amount. Im not fixated on her, we just live in a smaller sized town so I run into people that knew us as a couple and feel the need to tell me what she is doing even though I try to avoid hearing it. I have everyone of her family and friends blocked on social media that way I don't have to see or hear what she is doing but i cant help the possibility of running into someone and them bringing up what she is saying or doing.

I filed taxes married together because that's what my lawyer suggested. He said we were married so she is entitled to half of it and if we filed joint that we would get more back so it was best for me to just get more back for myself.


----------



## Dogbert

You just dumped a turd. Congratulations.


----------



## Mr Blunt

Keep improving yourself and get even closer to your children if that is possible. * Use your emotions to motivate you to get yourself even better*.

Your WW and the loser OM will implode in time. If you have your children's heart and your are having a good life then your WW will be remembered like a bad dream; something that you thought was real bad but wound up helping you have a better life.


----------



## Decorum

Lamailman said:


> Rant over.


From rant to rave. 

You are taking the right steps LAMM good on you! 

Your a quality man and you wont make the same mistake twice I am sure. 
When you are ready you can meet a quality woman that will be a high value partner who will recognize you for who you are. 

She will be someone of whom you can rave about! :woohoo:

Take care!


----------



## Chaparral

I hope you've started dating, working out and taking care of yourself. Good luck. Live long and prosper.


----------



## Lamailman

Thanks guys for the kind and inspiring words. It was a tough road to get to where I am now over the past 5 months but like they say what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger. There are still days where i have low points but those days are getting rarer as time goes on. 

I don't speak alot about my two children on here but our relationship has improved drastically over these 5 months. My oldest has always been attached to her mother and it was hard to get her to stay the full weekend with me at the beginning of the seperation but last weekend when I had them she asked to stay longer. As for my little one,she has always been a daddy's girl and would live with me given the choice.

Everytime I have them I try to make it where we do fun things that they will remember. We do things that make them look forward to coming back with me. I give the attention and listen to their needs. My WW claims she is such a good mom because she is with them so much but not much of that time is spent focusing on them without her being distracted by her phone or friends/family.

I am looking forward to growing our relationship and when the time comes for me to date,I will find someone who is great with them.


----------



## turnera

Sounds good, what you're doing. One caveat: you say you do fun things, I just want to make sure you're talking about things that don't cost money, like picnics and parks and beaches and roller skating. Those are the things that will prove to them that they're wanted and loved, not spending money on them. It's ok to be a Disney Dad sometimes, just hopefully not all the time, cos kids see through that.


----------



## Lamailman

turnera said:


> Sounds good, what you're doing. One caveat: you say you do fun things, I just want to make sure you're talking about things that don't cost money, like picnics and parks and beaches and roller skating. Those are the things that will prove to them that they're wanted and loved, not spending money on them. It's ok to be a Disney Dad sometimes, just hopefully not all the time, cos kids see through that.


Good point, guess I should have been more specific. Some of the things I have been doing...some of the things we've done, went to the movies, went see a gymnastics meet, every week I've had them I jump on the trampoline with them, bring them to the park, and also get them to cook with me which they enjoy helping do.


----------



## turnera

Good job. You might also look for local high school or college musical productions, basketball games, stuff like that. I remember my dad taking me to a high school basketball game and it was a lot of fun sitting in such an enthusiastic audience. Plus it's cheaper than the professionals.


----------

