# What do I do now???



## Lost Mom of 4 (Jan 20, 2021)

So I have been with my husband for 12 years & married for almost 11 years.

The last almost 7 years have been a full time roller coaster. It all started when I was prego. with our first daughter together. 

Ok so let me explain when we got together he had 2 kids from a past marriage and after we were together for a few months the mother dropped the kids off and never came back so I became an instant step-mom. 

I gave up my career so I could be there for them and I loved it and still do. 

They are my babies even though I didnt give birth to them. My son is now 19 and daughter is almost 18. 

Ok so back to when the roller coaster started, like I said when I was prego with our now 6 yr old I noticed he was changing. 

We both had a past of doing drugs, so I know the signs of when he is using. (I have been sober since January 2009!!!) I keeped asking and trying to find out why he was doing it and everytime he would lie and say he wasnt that I was just making things up. 

When I went to the hospital to have our daughter I was in there for a full week and the whole time he was high even when they had to take me for an emergany c-section. 

After coming home things didnt change with him. In January 2015 our daughter was only almost 3 months old my mom came over I was thinking to see baby girl BUT no it was to tell me in person my husband had been arrested and he had meth and weed and guns in the vehicle so he was looking at sometime for it all.

I was crushed and more so I didnt know how I was going to tell our older 2 when they got home from school.

That next day (Thursday) I went to pick him up at the jail after all he is the father to my 3 kids.

Then on Friday my old 2 birth mom showed up with a court order to take them and there was NOTHING I could do. My son was 13 almost 14 at that time and he was crying and holding onto me as the cop pulled him away and made him go with her. 

After that my husband had to go away for about a yr to fix what he had done. During that time I got a job took my youngest to a babysitter while I worked and tried to keep thing afloat until I could have all my family together again. 

Finally after alot of court hearings and money my other 2 babies got to come back home March 2016. After that I really believed my husband would never do anything like that to our family again...but from then until now he has been back a forth with drugs and lieing, hiding things, racking up his credit cards then getting loads to pay off the cards and racking them back up again. 

On January 10th I was working on paying then bills and when I logged into his credit card accounts to make payment I found he had maxed out 2 more cards and was sending money to a know drug dealer that just lives about 3 blocks down the road from us. 

So then I logged onto our phone account and looked at his usage will there was one number that keep showing up over and over so I called the number and of course it was the person he has been sending the money to. 

When I questioned him about it all he tried to act like he didnt know anything about it at first then he changed his story and said our son had got himself into trouble and he was paying for it for him, so I called our son and asked him about it all and of course he knew NOTHING about any of it. So of course I keep questioning him and it was different stories almost ever time. 

So I told him that night I was done and wasnt going to do this anymore that I want a divorce. Well we have been separated for 9 days now.

He comes over every night to see the kids and try to act like we are all a happy family. I cant stand being around him right now but I will not keep him from the kids. 

I dont even now what to do right now I know I need help to work though every thing I have been though and I really need someone to talk to about everything. Can anyone help me????


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## Violet28 (Oct 4, 2018)

He's a liar and a drug addict, they pretty much go hand in hand. What are you wanting help with?


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

You need an attorney and you need to get custody of those kids and he needs to pay child support.


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## DesertRat1978 (Aug 27, 2013)

Its clear that his addiction issues have to be remediated before one could possibly save the marriage. However, that ship has sailed. If I was the OP, I would be proactive and get a divorce, custody, etc


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

You need an attorney. Like yesterday. T

To begin with, you had an addiction habit so you obviously know how addicts behave - they lie, minimize, play the victim, blame others, etc. Don't let him have access to the kids until you see an attorney. He wants to complain about that? Tell HIM to get an attorney. Don't expose anyone who is actively using to your kids. 

Time to lawyer up.


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## Lost Mom of 4 (Jan 20, 2021)

Violet28 said:


> He's a liar and a drug addict, they pretty much go hand in hand. What are you wanting help with?


I dont know where to stay with trying to heal myself an have no one I can talk to about everything I think some kind of counseling would be good but other then that how do I find myself again?


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

On your own you can build some sort of future with your kids, with your husband constantly getting you into debt there’s nothing to build with. If nothing changes then you will be doing this for the rest of your life.


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