# Physical/Mental Health a Factor in Divorce



## Sanity (Mar 7, 2011)

I was talking to my mom the other day about an a friend of hers who after 10 years of marriage and two kids later has decided to leave her husband (My Uncle). Growing up as kids we always thought he was abusive and had a bad attitude. In the family we would jokingly say we felt sorry for any woman that ended up with him. Well he did marry and this lady became very close to our family especially my mom. 

My mom was telling me that she stayed with him for the kids and the "stability" but the straw that broke the camels back was when she went to the doctors for chest pain and anxiety issues. The doctor told her that if she continued in this abusive marriage that she would die of a heart attack young. She is fit and no family history of heart issues. 

So have any of you considered your mental and physical health in your decision to divorce? I know it sounds like common sense, but I wonder if a doctor telling you that if you continue with this stresful situation(bad marriage/relationship) you won't make it to 50 give you the resolve to end it.


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## nomoretogive (Oct 29, 2011)

Sanity said:


> I was talking to my mom the other day about an a friend of hers who after 10 years of marriage and two kids later has decided to leave her husband (My Uncle). Growing up as kids we always thought he was abusive and had a bad attitude. In the family we would jokingly say we felt sorry for any woman that ended up with him. Well he did marry and this lady became very close to our family especially my mom.
> 
> My mom was telling me that she stayed with him for the kids and the "stability" but the straw that broke the camels back was when she went to the doctors for chest pain and anxiety issues. The doctor told her that if she continued in this abusive marriage that she would die of a heart attack young. She is fit and no family history of heart issues.
> 
> So have any of you considered your mental and physical health in your decision to divorce? I know it sounds like common sense, but I wonder if a doctor telling you that if you continue with this stresful situation(bad marriage/relationship) you won't make it to 50 give you the resolve to end it.


Yes, Yes, Yes!!!

It sounds hokey -- at least, it did to me, the first couple times I heard it -- but apparently it's true -- there are all sorts of articles on it -- and it's playing out in my own marriage. 

My husband and I went through a really, really, really rough patch back in 2008. All of a sudden, I ended up in the ER with the worst chest pains of my life, thought for sure I was having a heart attack. It was a panic attack. This continued that summer through the worst of it, and I ended up developing full-on panic disorder with debilitating attacks literally ten times a day. I became agoraphobic and refused to leave my house because I would have a panic attack at the drop of a dime. I couldn't drive on the freeway for 18 months because driving next to a semi would set off a panic attack and I would have to pull over. I was worried I was going to kill myself and my kids in an accident. I never once attributed this to my marriage, though. 

Three years ago I developed a really rare neurological condition that has no real known etiology, although extreme stress has been posited as one potential theory on why it develops. It has left me in chronic pain all this time, being able work and function only by way of round-the-clock narcotics. 

Fast-forward to today, I was just back in the hospital two weeks ago with heart attack like symptoms. They did an EKG and it was normal, but told me that I have to watch things over the next few weeks and take some meds, as I have all the early signs of a heart attack. I'm 35. The ER doc is one I saw back in '08 multiple times during my panic attack phase. She pulled the curtain and talked to me this last time and asked me about issues at home. I gave her a vague overview, without too many specifics. She told me the same thing, "I have a feeling the two are related, and if you don't do something soon, you will be dead from a heart attack by the time you are 40 and leave behind those two beautiful boys out there." She told me she could fix my panic attacks, nurse my current symptoms, but only I could be the one to deal with the source of the issues. 

The ironic thing is, during periods of separation from my husband, my health issues have either lessened or disappeared altogether. My panic attacks don't happen when he's not here. My pain levels go down significantly. In fact, I was able to go cold turkey off the Fentanyl patch during a separation last year and function fine. The minute we reconciled, I was back on high-powered narcotics because my pain levels went through the roof. 

This is one reason I'm nearing the home stretch in ending my marriage. There obviously IS a direct correlation between our issues and my health, and this isn't a relationship I'm willing to die for.


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## I want the kids! (Apr 17, 2012)

My wife blames me for her stress as does her doctor. She said she has tried to talk to me but I didn't respond. She is depressed and taking prozac and has stomach issues that are my fault I guess?
I thought I was a good father and provider but missed the boat as a husband. I would go to work come home play with the kids and go to bed. I didn't realize I ignored my wife until she said she wants a divorce! Now I see it. I still don't think her condition is all my fault but I do see I didn't help. I have told her I care about her and want her to be better etc. I'm not sure if she knows I'm sincere though. I never wanted my wife to be ill. (or leave me for that matter) The doc has her convinced that after this is over she won't even need meds anymore. I don't buy it. I still feel she has additional issues just because of the way she is acting now.

Marriage issues cause phyiscal and mental issues but I think these sort of things can be worked thru. It seems too late for me but I wish you well. Also if there is phyiscal abuse that should be addressed differently. Get out!


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## Lifescript (Mar 12, 2012)

I have taken it into consideration. Went through periods of feeling very down and depressed because of my STBXW actions. I knew that wasn't the life I wanted for myself. So it was part of the reason why the D is coming.


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