# Husband's controlling family now uses him to control me



## venuslove (Apr 16, 2012)

Hi everyone, I wanted to know what you think I should do? Doesn't everyone want that? 
My husband refuses to break away from his family. Many times when we have gotten in fights, he has called his mother to come over to our house! Then she tells him (in an email I found) that I am emotionally abusing him and that he can't go on like this and that he needs to stop making decisions based on how I feel and then counsels him on what to do for a job move over the summer that "we" had been considering. I caught him texting her nasty things about me. I found out his father was on his bank account the night before the wedding and his father said," Since I am attached to the account, I can see every purchase you make" It took me months to get him to open an account with just the two of us and he was so mad that he started punching stuff when we left the bank and said that I always just did what I wanted. Well, now things have gotten worse and he has depression and he goes to them all the time and he sat down with his father to make a budget!! And they decided how much money he should give me in the account. ANd they decided that if I wasn't "nice" meaning didn't say or do whatever my husband wants that he will give me the silent treatment and refuse to return my calls. Last night I told him that I didn't really want to go to meet him at his job over the summer and then asked why he didn't get me anything for my first Mother's Day. He said that he doesn't care about Mohter's or Father's Day. He was so pissed that I don't want to come meet him at his job. He now won't return my phone calls. His family knows how much we spend on electric and for insurance. His father controls him through money and his mom uses emotions. Is there anything I can do? Or when he told them that he was suicidally depressed, they told him it was my fault and as far as I know haven't urged him to get help. Please help me save myself!! Thank you so much. 
BTW if we get divorced, they will try and take our son and I have a DUI from four years ago and would have to put him in daycare. I am so scared they will get our son because they have attachments to the community and a house and the mother is planning on quitting her job soon. My hsband says that he would have opted to live back with them (he is currently 28 and going to grad school) if we weren't married and had our son. Thank you for reading all of this:scratchhead:


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## geek down (May 10, 2012)

My STBXW is the same way, although her parents are EXTREMELY abusive..They dangle the carrot in her face and like the follower she is, she does what they tell her to do.

Honestly, I've lived in that hell for a very, very long time. I cannot see a resolution between two people in a marriage when one always has to bring other people into the fights. She used to lie, cheat and steal..all because she was conflicted; her family or our famiy. And I'm sorry to say, you will probably be put on the back burner..such as I was..

either learn to live with it (which you shouldn't have to), or make a choice. Your DWI and son does make it harder, but can you seriously live in an environment that is so toxic?


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## Love Song (Jan 16, 2012)

He is very immature. I would insist on MC if he doesn't agree then RUN LIKE HELL!!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

If he is in Grad School, are his parents paying all your living expenses?

As long as his parents are paying for you, you will have to put up with them. You shouldn't have gotten married until you guys could pay your own way.


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## KathyBatesel (Apr 26, 2012)

I posted in the other forum about emotional abuse aspects, and then read this. I suspect you're both emotionally abusive to one another. You may have problems with alcoholism, codependency, or both. 

I recommend getting to Al-Anon (or AA if you still drink) to evaluate these factors and learn from others who have been through similar relationships.


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

This is NOT going to end well. Your husband is a GROWN man who is STILL allowing his parents to control every aspect of his life...and expects them to control yours, too. Trust me, you won't be allowed to make ANY decisions regarding your son without the express approval of your in-laws! It's not going to get any better.

Best advice I have for you at the moment is to get some free or low-cost legal advice (look for Legal Aid Services in your phone book) and get some advice on retaining custody of your son and/or ways to mitigate your DWI and ways to strengthen your case for retaining primary custody of your son. If you decide to stick it out with your husband, then you have spent very little money and a small amount of time for nothing. If you and hubby decide to divorce, you will have the knowledge you need to make a plan going forward for you and your son.

Good luck!


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## venuslove (Apr 16, 2012)

Thank you!! This helped alot. Love to you all


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