# one Hi, I'm new here; looking for somewho understands spymember



## sunshine93 (Sep 9, 2011)

*Hi, I'm new here; looking for someone who understands spymember*

Like many people I found this website because I suspect my spouse (husband) is cheating.  We've been together almost 9 years, have a 5yr old. We've always been such a happy family. I'm 37, he's 39. He's a pilot for the military, wonderful work ethic, great dad. When we first married he was active duty and deployed over 200 days of the year. Yes it was hard but I was still in college and we made it though 4 years of constant deployment. We were transferred to D.C. in 2006 when DS was 6 months old. The agreement was that I would stay at home with him until he was 3... well 3 came and went and now he is almost 6 and I still have not started working. DS just started full day school this week so I feel like I can actually start looking for a full time job. DH is now in the guard but is still gone alot.... sometimes it seems like he comes home... unpacks and repacks and is gone again. When DH is home he's not really emotionally there for me.... he just seems so distant. I'm lonely and that's really something a married person shouldn't feel IMO. I'm tired of always being here while he flies all over the world and goes out with his buddies at each stop. He rarely calls me when he's on the road. Yes, I know calls can be $$ from over seas but I think I deserve one phone call to let me know he got there safely and to check on me and DS. He never makes time for us but always seems to find time for his co-workers.... the same guys he sees nearly everyday at work and flies with. I'm truly just a mom to him.. oh and a housekeeper.  I have no idea where we went wrong.... it seems like this all started happening a few months ago. I started feeling very lonely and left out.... I've never been a clingy person.. calling him several times a day; not letting him go out with his friends etc. I've always been very go-with-the flow. I'm also very independent. My childhood was very hard and tragic and everything has always been left up to me... never any help from anyone. I worked 4 jobs and put myself through college; it was a total uphill battle but I feel like I won since I do have a degree.. Anyway.... when I initially started feeling lonely I questioned my feelings.... I thought maybe I was wrong for feeling that way....trying to blame myself... "Oh you're just being insecure... stop it!". As the months have gone by I've started realizing that I'm actually justified in my feelings... he's never around and never really talks to me, we never go anywhere. Of course I've started to suspect cheating.... I have no proof of this at all. DH knows my Bachelor's is in Criminology so he would be especially cautious.... he would hide any evidence really well. I've never snooped on him but I'm at that point right now. I know he has an iphone that's password protected but I've found a way around that.... I also joined spymember.com but the website totally confused me and their customer service is off-line right now. DH is coming him from a trip in just a few minutes and I would really like to get this software working on his phone tonight. Yes... I'm desperate at this point but I would really appreciate some help with this software. I'm very confused.... on parts of the website it states that you "do not need the phone to monitor it" and then on other parts it tells you that you need to have the phone to download the software on it. I've gotten to the 2nd step where you register on the page that says "Dashboard" but I'm lost from there. Thanks everyone for reading all of this and for your help!..... sunshine93


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Can't help with spymember. Just curious. Is he just taking you for granted? Do you feel like you have a life outside of being a sahm? If so you need to be going to the gym, volunteering, catching up in your field/education, etc. Let him think your not dependent on him anymore and if that doesn't help just move on. 

It sounds like husband thinks of himself as center of the universe. Kind of like LSD-Lead Singer Disease.


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## sunshine93 (Sep 9, 2011)

chapparal said:


> Can't help with spymember. Just curious. Is he just taking you for granted? Do you feel like you have a life outside of being a sahm? If so you need to be going to the gym, volunteering, catching up in your field/education, etc. Let him think your not dependent on him anymore and if that doesn't help just move on.
> 
> It sounds like husband thinks of himself as center of the universe. Kind of like LSD-Lead Singer Disease.



Yes... he totally takes me granted. I never sees anything that I do... just stays on me for not having a job... which I'm looking for now. I agree about he LSD disease! Yes... I do workout, but no I really do not see myself as much more than a mom as of right now. He actually told me that I was "consumed with being a mom." It really made me feel old and boring... which I've never been accused of before!. He's always been way more conservative than me... I've always been the "fun" one! It really hurt my feelings.... it almost felt like he was saying.... "You're not as cool as me because I have friends that I go out with and you don't". The thing he does not understand is that the friends that he has are all pilots that he met through work. The women that I'm friends with are all SAHM too but they do not "go out". I would totally be up for going out if I had someone to go with....hell.. if my husband would take me out it would be great but he obviously has more fun with his friends. He had to go to Miami this past Monday for pilot training.... we got into an argument right before he left... for the rest of the day after he got to Miami he ignored all of my calls! I texted him a bazillion times and he finally texted me back saying... "I'm not in any position to talk to you right now; I don't want these guys to know what's going on!" as if I give a SH** what his pilot buddies think! He finally called me back at 11:30pm! Yes.... he thinks he's pretty special.... the message this whole episode sent to me... "You're not important enough for me to leave dinner with my buddies and call you." Thanks for your help... I do agree I need to do something for myself. Thanks, sunshine93


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## trble2u2 (Sep 16, 2011)

Hi, I am a new member here and I seen you are using spy member and I have been thinking about using this to spy on my spouse. Did you ever get it to work? If so how do you like it.


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## disbelief (Oct 31, 2010)

Well I can only offer resources. Base chaplain. Attending strongbonds, the military is trying to save marriages, militaryonesource.com. well I think com offers free counciling services to members and family. You do not need sponsors permission to access.
If he has done all this deploying he is likely at least detatched the job being more of his life. PTSD? 

Good luck
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## czb (Sep 21, 2011)

i think this place is a fraud i paid for it i didnt get a license number or the app i should have gotten to download, i get know response from tech support and the number i call that shows up on my bank statement was active and now it is not active. so if you have found something out please let me know. thank you very much


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## lunafeb (Sep 23, 2011)

I am having a similar problem with my husband, but I am sure that he's cheating on me, I heard him talking to her and I saw them together, and today I saw them going to her house... and he travelled with her for couple days and bought her a flight ticket and stayed in a hotel !!!!!! 
And my problem that I am 37 weeks pregnant and will deliver in couple weeks and don't want to face him and tell him that I know everything because of the baby, so I bought today the spymember software, but don't know how to use it or download if anybody can help me please!!!


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

Seems like you're not cut out to be a military wife, much less a pilots wife. From what you describe, your husband drives a heavy, and our air transportation system is stretched to the breaking point right now supporting regular operations as well as the war effort. They need a lot of aircrew members right now because most are maxed out in flying hours so they have to rotate them frequently with the excepting being in the AOR where that has been waivered to support the war effort. I worked in Combat Crew Communications, and worked closely with the aircrews and often deployed with them. They fly the mission one day, mission plan the next, and the next is crew rest. And they take the crew rest part deadly seriously. After a mission, they need that break time to unwind and decompress, or else they WILL break down from the stress. 

Then there are the classified missions. He may not even be allowed to even call you from where he is for obvious reasons. There have been quite a few times where I would work a full day, then suddenly get notified that I have to pick up my orders and get on the mission bird with the aircrews and not be able to tell the wife where I'm going and even when I would return. Then he's gone 200 or more days a year. Do you know what that's like for him? Do you think one can be gone continously like that and be able to just pick up the moment one gets home? It takes time to adjust to being home, I know that for a fact. I felt numb, like "am I really home? Is this my life?". It's like you're in shock or something. By the time he starts adjusting to being home, he's off on another mission.

You need to make use of your Family Support Center. They specialize in helping dependents and servicemembers deal with the constant deployments. That's their job. Also your chaplain can help you. But if you can't handle the stress, its better that you let him go. My mom was a Navy wife of a career sailor, so my Dad was gone a lot. Even though my fWW had an EA after I retired from the USAF, I give her credit for sticking with me and sucking it up through all those years of shift work and deployments. She never thought I was cheating.


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## sunshine93 (Sep 9, 2011)

lordmayhem said:


> Seems like you're not cut out to be a military wife, much less a pilots wife. From what you describe, your husband drives a heavy, and our air transportation system is stretched to the breaking point right now supporting regular operations as well as the war effort. They need a lot of aircrew members right now because most are maxed out in flying hours so they have to rotate them frequently with the excepting being in the AOR where that has been waivered to support the war effort. I worked in Combat Crew Communications, and worked closely with the aircrews and often deployed with them. They fly the mission one day, mission plan the next, and the next is crew rest. And they take the crew rest part deadly seriously. After a mission, they need that break time to unwind and decompress, or else they WILL break down from the stress.
> 
> Then there are the classified missions. He may not even be allowed to even call you from where he is for obvious reasons. There have been quite a few times where I would work a full day, then suddenly get notified that I have to pick up my orders and get on the mission bird with the aircrews and not be able to tell the wife where I'm going and even when I would return. Then he's gone 200 or more days a year. Do you know what that's like for him? Do you think one can be gone continously like that and be able to just pick up the moment one gets home? It takes time to adjust to being home, I know that for a fact. I felt numb, like "am I really home? Is this my life?". It's like you're in shock or something. By the time he starts adjusting to being home, he's off on another mission.
> 
> You need to make use of your Family Support Center. They specialize in helping dependents and servicemembers deal with the constant deployments. That's their job. Also your chaplain can help you. But if you can't handle the stress, its better that you let him go. My mom was a Navy wife of a career sailor, so my Dad was gone a lot. Even though my fWW had an EA after I retired from the USAF, I give her credit for sticking with me and sucking it up through all those years of shift work and deployments. She never thought I was cheating.



Well.... thanks for all of this but none of it is correct for my situation. He hasn't been active duty since late 2006 when he joined the guard unit here in DC where he is a civilian government worker... he does not get paid by the DOD. Although he goes on overseas trips, his unit is classified as a "non-deployable asset". I can handle deployments, I did... for the first 4 years of our marriage. However what I can't handle is being shut out of his life and the constant partying-drinking-frat boy behavior that he's began to display in the past few months. I actually wrote this thread back in Sept. when I first started noticing my husband being distant. We both agreed to attend MC but as I was busting my ass to change myself and completely focus on the marriage he was only acting more juvenile. He continued to shut me out, not answer his phone-text message while on the road and was coming home from work late every; single. night. See... when he's not flying, he works in the office at the squadron. Just to explain his job, he's a pilot for the congressman and senators, the president's wife, VP's wife etc. Remember the trip Michelle Obama and Jill Biden went on 2 weeks ago; it was a Nascar Race.... he flew them to that. Anyway. I found out the Monday before Thanksgiving that he was in fact cheating. My suspicions were spot on... everything I thought was happening WAS. I ended up never even trying to figure out this Spyware sh**. I simply ordered a voice activated recorder and placed it in his car the night before he flew that trip. Late Sat. after he went to bed I went out to his car and hid it. He flew to Florida for that Nascar race on Sun. I left it in there thinking that Monday I would get another days worth of recordings but he ended up driving a different vehicle to work. Anyway... long story short, I busted him Monday night, he confessed and he wants to work things out. I've been with this person for nearly 10 years and I really would like to work things out. However, the amount of lies that he has told over the past 3 months is so horrendous.... I'm having a very hard taking anything he says seriously. This trash he was messing around with actually works with him... some skanky little 20 something, good grief..not being catty, the girl is not pretty. He could be in so much trouble for messing around with a person her works with, messing around while married AND messing around with someone of lower ranking! What a dumb Fu** to risk his family AND career!!! WTH was he thinking??!! She works in the office and is also a flight attendant. He was actually stupid enough to download pics onto OUR computer of them together in Budapest on a work trip!!!!:scratchhead: What a [email protected]$$!! I REALLY want to turn his stupid ass in to his commander...... DOWN would go his SUPER high security clearance!! I really want heads to roll! I told him that if we worked things out he would have to get transferred out of there.... he will NOT be allowed to work with her anymore. God.... I just keep asking myself WHY did this happen to me.... a devoted wife and mom. I never did anything to deserve this. Thanks for reading this, April


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## sunshine93 (Sep 9, 2011)

Bump! Thanks everyone for your help!  April


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## La-La (Dec 14, 2011)

Hi there Thread, I have some understanding on the software. I download the software in my phone to try it. When downloading it you have to download winzip to open the files.Ones you download it into the phone you want ( and yes you will need to have the phone in hand) it will show you that the app. has been completed. Than you will login, in the dashboard you will see the phone information.That's another time you have to input the phone information in the app.Now for some reason I only got some information when I did it. I wasn't able to play the recording, sms and I didnt see no GPS. Hope this works some how.


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