# What would you tell your ex...



## GettingBetter

...if he/she came back after a year or two, does not matter how long, apologized showed true remorse and asked you for another chance. I know this is very unlikely to happen to most of us, but I am just curious to see the answers. 
No, I do not want mine to even think about that. After everything she put me thru..lies, deceit, rewriting the history and even continuous lying after being divorced for a year...no way. I think I would lose all self respect that I built by divorcing her.


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## philglossop

Very simple answer in my case.

Thanks but no thanks.

The old person you left crushed, has built themselves back up, is in a much better place since you left and surprise surprise is much more attractive since your fog lifted.

But the new person doesn't have room for you as a new sexual/emotional relationship:smthumbup::smthumbup:


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## in my tree

another "thanks, but no thanks". I hope that he starts to feel better about life again and maybe finds the right woman for him, but I am definitely not her.


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## angelpixie

Same with me. This may sound awful, but Chinless played the part in my life that he was meant to play. And I stayed with him far too long for my health in the first place. Even if he was remorseful, etc., I just don't find anything about him attractive anymore. I know, with a name like Chinless*, it's hard to imagine that, right? :rofl:



* Actually, now that he's a super-skinny hipster with posGF, he does have a chin. But not in his 'natural' state. Not attracted, either way.


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## Nsweet

Oh I've had this fantasy several times now. I eventually came to the conclusion that I should not give that woman way back in my life, because she's a manipulator and will keep pushing to control me again. 

So to her I would say _"Oh hell no! There's no way in hell I am going to let you back in my life and we can't ever be friends. Now get the f*ck off of my porch before I call the cops."_

I really hate thinking like this because I'm a nice guy, but that woman nearly destroyed me when I was at my lowest, and she just will not ever change. A leopard does not change it's spots! And for the sake of my sanity I just cannot ever let her back in my life after the things she did to get revenge. I may have been naive in the past but I'm far from being that stupid.


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## hope4family

Being a nice guy. I know I may have unrealistic expectations of other people. 

But when someone tells me. They wont go out and be with someone else, and they do the exact opposite. Then I can't accept that back in my life. 

At least I had the guts to say that I deserved better. That I will go out and find someone. That I will not wait and i'll do everything on my time. 

Sadly, my ex-wife has proven that even post divorce. She cannot be content. Even with what she signed, after bringing in her own papers, because she didn't trust me. 

Our son will always ensure that there is some form of contact. Will she fade into nothing? Time will tell. Lord knows, I told her she could disappear and I would respect her for it. She seems to want to at least be a Mother on her days off. Sucks for our son. At 2 he barely gets it.


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## vi_bride04

"Too bad, so sad, buddy!!!"


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## ThreeStrikes

"gee honey, you got fat!"

I'm a vindictive bastard


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## sarcasmo

I would want to ask her to change who she is, do the hard work, become a better partner, stop needing people to latch onto, have real boundries where it matters most, stop displaying these crazy BPD-like traits, learn to accept me, learn true compassion and empathy, but fact of the matter is, she can't change all of this. It's who she is. I love her and wish that it could be different, but I don't believe she can ever change.


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## zillard

You had your chance. Now it's someone else's turn.


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## Pbartender

"Too late."


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## hambone

GettingBetter said:


> ...if he/she came back after a year or two, does not matter how long, apologized showed true remorse and asked you for another chance. I know this is very unlikely to happen to most of us, but I am just curious to see the answers.
> No, I do not want mine to even think about that. After everything she put me thru..lies, deceit, rewriting the history and even continuous lying after being divorced for a year...no way. I think I would lose all self respect that I built by divorcing her.


When we started our divorce... I just wanted out..

But, after going to all the crap you mentioned....

If I was riding down the highway and saw her car involved in a wreck... and she was absolutely mutilated beyond all recognition... absolutely gruesome... I could have gone and eaten my lunch without a second thought.

I did not deserve what she did to me... Just a mean woman..

She actually called me one time... late at night and apologized for all the things she had done and said to me... wanting to reconcile.. NO FREAKING WAY!!!


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## Garry2012

Keep the apologies, i moved on. I was a great husband to you, and it didnt make you happy. I tried for 17 years to make you happy...i could not. Now, i dont want to. I want to devote myself to someone who hasnt done to me what you did.

The best thing you can do is work on being a good mother, for our kids...you caused them immeasurable pain and suffering so you could have a joy ride in your life.


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## hope4family

zillard said:


> You had your chance. Now it's someone else's turn.


I'd say this. 

Even if I am single till the day I die.


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## BetrayedNoMore

I look back at her family history and say thanks but no thanks. You either fall into same mold or you actively try to change it. Her actions say don't eat the jello.


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## Stretch

I would want to suck her back in for about 2-3 months and then empty the house and leave a note saying goodbye and good luck, call it even.

I am hoping to just move on and enjoy my time with my gf who is awesome and never see or hear from my stbxw again, ever.

Ultimate NC. If you will let me indulge in some arrogance, she does not deserve the new me!!!

Stretch


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## Clark G

i am a big believer in the "love story" and all that jazz b/c i saw it happen many times -albeit through hard work and such.

this did happen to me - and b/c of the circumstances and things that had transpired I believed the situation was causing more pain and didn't believe she truly wanted to come back so i looked her in the eye and said something that was hard for me to say to her for many years - NOPE!

I will say that by doing so it has brought me to a happiness i may never have had if i had taken her back.

Don't let the door hit you in the arse on the way out!!!!

Joe


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## whitehawk

Hmm , l really worry about this one. Dunno why it'll probably never happen.
My sitch was a bit different to most and a few years before all the sh!t , which l caused a damn big portion of , we had a really special marriage .
But the thing is at the end of the day this was her solution and doing and it's been the toughest ugliest period of my life and it broke up my family . She did that and it didn't have to be.

So despite whatever we once were , what the fk do you say to someone after this , that can do this ?
l often think l'd just rather move on now rather than try R and live with this in my head .


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## nogutsnoglory

GettingBetter said:


> ...if he/she came back after a year or two, does not matter how long, apologized showed true remorse and asked you for another chance. I know this is very unlikely to happen to most of us, but I am just curious to see the answers.
> No, I do not want mine to even think about that. After everything she put me thru..lies, deceit, rewriting the history and even continuous lying after being divorced for a year...no way. I think I would lose all self respect that I built by divorcing her.


after I was done laughing at the request, I would call my new girlfriend to share the funny story.


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## working_together

The answer would be a big "no". I enjoy our friendship much more than our relationship, we fought so hard, and made up just as hard. It was too intense between the two of us, and after 24 years together, we are at a point where we both realize that it was toxic.

He misses what we had too, even though he's had a g/f for a year and a half, you never get over the love you had with someone you spent so many years with. But, I could never go back. Am I happier? most times I am, it took a long time to move on after basically growing up with my ex, it was like he defined who I was.

I have to add that I've met some wonderful men after my ex and I split up, and I know that I can have a great relationship in the future.


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## Stretch

In contrast to my previous answer flavored with bitterness and anger, I am working towards the following response.

"That's nice. Anything else? Later."

I refuse to get sucked back into that misery,
Stretch


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## Pbartender

Or, how about Conrad's good old standard TAM stand-by reply?

*"I'm sorry you feel that way."*

:smthumbup:

:rofl:


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## ScarletBegonias

Assuming I'd be able to speak and breathe through the intense bouts of laughter...
I'd let him know we aren't right for each other and never were so even though he feels in his shriveled little heart that I'm the one,I'm not.


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## Dedicated2Her

Quite honestly, I am a big proponent of forgiveness and in people's ability to change. That being said, actions speak louder than words. Her actions up to this point in our marriage and in life are extremely selfish. I would prefer not to be in that type of situation. I would tell her, "I think it is best if you and I just move on and work on our relationship as coparents."


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## angelpixie

Pbartender said:


> Or, how about Conrad's good old standard TAM stand-by reply?
> 
> *"I'm sorry you feel that way."*
> 
> :smthumbup:
> 
> :rofl:


You're getting a lot of mileage out of this lately! :rofl:


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## COguy

If I'm going to get back together with a lying, cheating, wh*rebag, I'd at least want her to be good in bed.


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## whitehawk

Stretch said:


> In contrast to my previous answer flavored with bitterness and anger, I am working towards the following response.
> 
> "That's nice. Anything else? Later."
> 
> I refuse to get sucked back into that misery,
> Stretch



Yeah if it was misery and your free now , why go back.
Trouble is we never were , we were always very special until our last few yrs. 
So you'd say 3 bad yrs that were nothing to do with us , we just lost it through the stress, verses 15 of the best of your life and that we've both admitted we'll never find with someone else, verses could we forget , forgive and pick ourselves up.
Tough call for me.


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## SlowlyGettingWiser

GettingBetter said:


> ...if he/she came back after a year or two, does not matter how long, apologized showed true remorse and asked you for another chance.


I'd say, "I'm glad you're sorry! But save all that new-found relationship stuff for your next girlfriend, because I'm not interested. At all. Ever. No really!" (at which point the façade would crack and he'd be his usual angry, arrogant, ass-h0le self! Leopards do NOT change their spots)



...then after he left, I'd call my only sister and vent like hell about the nerve of that stupid p**ck!


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## EleGirl

I'm sure that there are situations where taking an ex back works out.

But in my life, so far, not a chance.


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## Pbartender

angelpixie said:


> You're getting a lot of mileage out of this lately! :rofl:


It's so versatile.

And it amuses me to find non-traditional ways to use it.


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## Jellybeans

GettingBetter said:


> ...if he/she came back after a year or two, does not matter how long, apologized showed true remorse


I am not sure this will ever happen so I don't hold my breath.

For a long time, I wanted it to but I know it was just a pipe dream.


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## Garry2012

Jellybeans said:


> I am not sure this will ever happen so I don't hold my breath.
> 
> For a long time, I wanted it to but I know it was just a pipe dream.


Yeah, there are times that i really really want reality to hit her. But then, i sometimes ask myself why? Why does it matter? It wont change how i view her, and i cannot ever see me taking her back. I think if i could get one wish, it would just be for her to go away...leave me the kids and leave so I never have to see her again.....I would prefer that over seeing her with her apology.


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## Jellybeans

Garry2012 said:


> But then, i sometimes ask myself why? *Why does it matter*?


This is where I am at. It is done and in the past and there is no sense in dwelling. 

It truly doesn't matter anymore.


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## In_The_Wind

GettingBetter said:


> ...if he/she came back after a year or two, does not matter how long, apologized showed true remorse and asked you for another chance. I know this is very unlikely to happen to most of us, but I am just curious to see the answers.
> No, I do not want mine to even think about that. After everything she put me thru..lies, deceit, rewriting the history and even continuous lying after being divorced for a year...no way. I think I would lose all self respect that I built by divorcing her.



No way even today approx 15 yrears later my first wife -ex , calls and tells me that stuff, I am like good for you , but i am not interested --thanks but no thanks


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## Jellybeans

Wow, that is crazy that she is still calling you talking all that stuff, In_the_Wind!!!

Are you remarried?


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## In_The_Wind

Jellybeans said:


> Wow, that is crazy that she is still calling you talking all that stuff, In_the_Wind!!!
> 
> Are you remarried?


Yes have been married for approx 13 years now !!! me and the first ex have a daughter(22 yoa) that I raised from the age of 3 I had full custody mom never did want to be a mother etc and she still parties etc


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## Jellybeans

Ah I see. That is so nutty that she still does that knowing you are remarried!!!


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## In_The_Wind

Jellybeans said:


> Ah I see. That is so nutty that she still does that knowing you are remarried!!!


Yes exactly.... nutty lol whats funny is that she really had it made karma is such a b!tch


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## Amina

It's been several years since my divorce and my ex is in worse shape than ever (lost job, still cannot care for himself, from one worthless relationship to the next). I can say with absolute certainty that if he were to come to me now and say anything of the sort about being sorry and a possible reconciliation, I would first, laugh (not out of spite but surprise) and remind him that while the marriage certainly had its moments, there is nothing that could ever bring us together in this life again. The only reason I still acknowledge his existence is because of our son.


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## Jellybeans

Amina said:


> and remind him that while the marriage certainly had its moments,* there is nothing that could ever bring us together in this life again*.


:rofl:


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## Houstondad

Well, nearly a year since our divorce she finally apologized last March. She was having a tough time with her current live-in BF (he hit her, he rages all the time, unemployed since Oct etc) and it must have hit her that the grass isn't as green on the other side.

She was crying a river, saying that I'm such a good guy and that she regrets for being so weak. Repeatedly begged for hugs and what I was thinking (since I was only listening the whole time). I think I was in such shock, that I never responded with the witty, thanks but no thanks responses (and you guys have some great ones!).
She had cheated on me and continued the affair while watching me spiral into a terrible depression at the time. No hugs from her. Not a care in the world. And I could have responded with the same emptiness. But I didn't. I gave her a hug. I told her there were things I could have done better too (which is true, I was not strong enough to kick her ass out of the house at the time, haha). I felt sorry for her. I pitied her. A shell of her former self. 
But ya know? She never asked for me to take her back. I think she's smart enough to know I never would. And maybe she would never want me back anyways. I don't care. She said how she's moving out to get her own place. That she's joining a group that deals with her depression which cycles throughout the year.
How did I feel after her apology? A hell of a lot better! It affirmed that I was a good guy after all and that karma will always slap you upside the face!
But I realized with her later, that those were only empty promises of moving on and working on herself.
In June, I discovered that despite her moving out, she's still spending a lot of time with the abusive BF and she lied to me again about having the kids around her BF. 
So it's up to you how you respond. But keep your integrity and your dignity intact. If you do, you'll come out of it stronger than before.


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## CEL

Disclaimer so I was not married but me and my X were together for 8 years or so. When I finally left she promised me the stars and the moon everything that I had begged for everything that I had cried for.

I told her that I had spent years in an abusive hell. That when I have finally crawled out over broken glass getting poked in the azz by pitchforks. When even as bloody and broken as I am I finally get out of the pit you want to push me back in? Hell NO I did my time.


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## Ceegee

"It's a free market...you're welcome to take a shot like everyone else. Kindly step to the back of the line. What's your name again?"


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## Garry2012

Ceegee said:


> "It's a free market...you're welcome to take a shot like everyone else. Kindly step to the back of the line. What's your name again?"


your number is B101 As in, you didnt make the A line, but if all of them and the 100 women in the alternate..i mean, B line dont work out...you might get a shot.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby

This happened. I was married to my h for 5 years too. My ex h called me and said to leave my husband. He's absolutely crazy! I'd never go back to that way of life, plus I'd never in a million years just get up and leave a very good marriage.

My answer would be no if I were single. People don't change that much and old habits most likely would occur.


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## Nsweet

I saw a news report last night were a young couple handcuffed themselves to each other for an a good while to make some ridiculous point. It may have been to save their marriage... I know right, ball and chain.:rofl: And I was like, could I do that with my ex? Would I give her one more shot?

NOPE! I'd be wanting to cut my hand off within the first hour or less.


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## brokenbythis

Amina said:


> It's been several years since my divorce and my ex is in worse shape than ever (lost job, still cannot care for himself, from one worthless relationship to the next). I can say with absolute certainty that if he were to come to me now and say anything of the sort about being sorry and a possible reconciliation, I would first, laugh (not out of spite but surprise) and remind him that while the marriage certainly had its moments, there is nothing that could ever bring us together in this life again. The only reason I still acknowledge his existence is because of our son.


My exH is not doing too well either. What a mess his life is. He's dead broke, one bad relationship after another, got some woman pregnant and now hes got to support me/our child and another kid. Lives in a crappy apartment, is obese, lives on junk food.

Karma is a b!tch.


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## dblkman

ThreeStrikes said:


> "gee honey, you got fat!"
> 
> I'm a vindictive bastard


:rofl:

in my case my ex did, seriously she has gained about 100 lbs


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## Garry2012

I cant hope on that...my ex was heavy while we were married...then about 5 years ago, as part of her midlife make-over, got lap band. Then of course she had to have other plastic surgeries to fix what the weight loss did...and the rest is history lol.


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## Shooboomafoo

My ex seems to be doing just fine. Her dad came down this past weekend and it was the first time he has met the new boyfriend who lives there. When I went to pick up my daughter, they were all laughing and having a good ol time. 
I dont know what I expected, but sometimes things occur in succession that seem to give credence to why she found someone else, and decided she didnt love me anymore. I began to wonder then about what it really was about "me" that I had been too sure of myself and my "rightness" to see. 

And a wave of depression sank me.

Today I feel like so much of what I had invested myself into has turned into sh!t. My marriage, my "family" plans... my job and the complete lack of accomplishment that 18 years there has brought. 

I havent dated any. I thought there might be an interest from one girl, but she turned out friends only, and also batsh!t crazy. 

I cant even get on FB anymore, as I see people I have known forever seeming to have it all. Lots of kids, traveling often, dream job, a "career" that is lucrative.. All Ive done seems to be as if I had placed all my bets on the wrong colors of a roulette table, and lost. 

I could not go back to my ex, even if asked, though right now, being alone and not having a life outside of working and a couple of friends, I feel like the biggest fking failure on the face of the planet, and even time itself seems to be gaining on me, and lessening the chance of making something of myself.

Sometimes it is hard to see where the "meaningfulness" is in anything I am involved in, because the most important things I thought were important, and had the most effort and time invested, turned into what sometimes seems like a complete waste of time/life. 
Sorry for hijacking the thread. Im not doing so good today.


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## Jellybeans

Sorry you're down, Shoo. It ebbs and flows and is normal. It's good though that you recognize you wouldn't want your ex back anyway. And remember, sometimes things look great on the outside, but maybe your ex is not having all that great of a time.

Nonetheless: focus on you, fill your time with things you love and get new hobbies, etc. 

Its probably not a good idea to date if you are in this mental state. You want to be happy and feeling fulfilled when you do that. Just know it's all part of the process.


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## Ceegee

If everyone's life were as good as people make it appear to be on their Facebook pages...

Everyone just posts the good stuff. Rarely the bad. And even then it's embellished.

Shoo, bro, your ex is the same way. You're going to get her best face anytime you see her. They're like any other couple. It's not perfect. They'll fight. There will be times when she'll wonder if she made the right decision about you, about him. She'll struggle just like every other person on earth. Let her worry about that.

You've been around here a long time so I'll spare you the "work on you" stuff. You know what you need to do. You want to be happy? Then be happy. Start there.


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## Nsweet

Shoo, I highly doubt your ex is really any happier with the OM. If anything she's elated to be in the second honeymoon (or divorce honeymoon) stage again, and showing you and others her best side... but that's only because she's high out of her mind on a mix of endorphins and idealizing a man based off of some composite of past childhood issues and romanticizing the "white knight" rescuer type. 

Trust me, she's going to vilify him for her problems and start showing cracks any day now. It's going to happen, and you know what... If you we're married for that long then you should already know what a mess she's going to be and what that guy is in for. "Leopords do not change their spots!", and unless this guy is such an assh*le that he beats her and cheats on her, which would give her the excuse she needs to blame him for all of her problems, she's going to cheat on him too. 

Same thing happen to me btw. Ex seemed SOO happy to be with the posOM and treated me like I was just sh!t one minute and tried to control me like I was a child the next, and went so far as to use the court system to punish me for false charges, which were dropped before then. Then she tried to be my best friend after it was over, but that was just to rub her new life in my face and tell me how I needed to stop being so negative, and that crap about "I'm sure you'll find someone, you're a great guy"... Yeah, I know. I put up with you so I feel I deserve a medal.:rofl:

Shoo, give it another year and I promise things are going to be a lot different for you, your ex, everyone really. I can't say what exactly because it's different for all. Based on my experience I just can't get over what happened. This is how I say it my head, so excuse my language.... How the f*ck do you lose weight cheating on me, only to end up gaining 100lbs living with the posOM *3 YEARS LATER!?* I don't get it. And why the hell would you say I don't earn enough for you, and then you move to one of the most expensive cities in the country and quit your job for some pyramid scheme. He's a damn illegal immigrant fry cook for god sakes!

Sorry I kinda went off on a rant there. I'm just trying to point out that A) things are not only what they seem with exes, and B) good things come to good people who don't go out of their way to screws others over. By which I mean if you can recovery without dragging anyone else down and be cool with having fun and being single and the "just friends" crap with women who aren't all that attracted to you, dude you won't be single for long. If a woman likes you enough without wanting you for herself she will fix you up with friends. And the women out there going through the mirrored version of this with cheating ex husbands are not going to take you for granted. 

You get to continue on with your happy ending anyways, just with another person.:smthumbup:


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## LivingAgain

I believe I would laugh my a$$ off....initial response. Then look at him with pity and say, "Ah, I'll pass."


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## sarcasmo

Jellybeans said:


> And remember, sometimes things look great on the outside, but maybe your ex is not having all that great of a time.


This.

Everyone thought my marriage was perfect. That we were the perfect couple. My STBXW's friends were jealous she had such a perfect husband. She told everyone how amazing I was. I defended her quirkiness (uh, craziness) to my family and friends. Little did everyone know, it was all a big facade...

Don't put too much weight into her life. Work on you.


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## Garry2012

Nsweet said:


> Shoo, I highly doubt your ex is really any happier with the OM. If anything she's elated to be in the second honeymoon (or divorce honeymoon) stage again, and showing you and others her best side... but that's only because she's high out of her mind on a mix of endorphins and idealizing a man based off of some composite of past childhood issues and romanticizing the "white knight" rescuer type.
> 
> Trust me, she's going to vilify him for her problems and start showing cracks any day now. It's going to happen, and you know what... If you we're married for that long then you should already know what a mess she's going to be and what that guy is in for. "Leopords do not change their spots!", and unless this guy is such an assh*le that he beats her and cheats on her, which would give her the excuse she needs to blame him for all of her problems, she's going to cheat on him too.
> 
> Same thing happen to me btw. Ex seemed SOO happy to be with the posOM and treated me like I was just sh!t one minute and tried to control me like I was a child the next, and went so far as to use the court system to punish me for false charges, which were dropped before then. Then she tried to be my best friend after it was over, but that was just to rub her new life in my face and tell me how I needed to stop being so negative, and that crap about "I'm sure you'll find someone, you're a great guy"... Yeah, I know. I put up with you so I feel I deserve a medal.:rofl:
> 
> Shoo, give it another year and I promise things are going to be a lot different for you, your ex, everyone really. I can't say what exactly because it's different for all. Based on my experience I just can't get over what happened. This is how I say it my head, so excuse my language.... How the f*ck do you lose weight cheating on me, only to end up gaining 100lbs living with the posOM *3 YEARS LATER!?* I don't get it. And why the hell would you say I don't earn enough for you, and then you move to one of the most expensive cities in the country and quit your job for some pyramid scheme. He's a damn illegal immigrant fry cook for god sakes!
> 
> Sorry I kinda went off on a rant there. I'm just trying to point out that A) things are not only what they seem with exes, and B) good things come to good people who don't go out of their way to screws others over. By which I mean if you can recovery without dragging anyone else down and be cool with having fun and being single and the "just friends" crap with women who aren't all that attracted to you, dude you won't be single for long. If a woman likes you enough without wanting you for herself she will fix you up with friends. And the women out there going through the mirrored version of this with cheating ex husbands are not going to take you for granted.
> 
> You get to continue on with your happy ending anyways, just with another person.:smthumbup:


Funny, when i met my X she had been through a short but bad marriage. She lost alot of weight and I remember her telling her family that she lost it because she was happy. Then during our marriage she put it all back plus some. Eventually cheating because she wasnt happy. Leopards dont change their spots.


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## Nsweet

I second that! Listen to your friends and family about your lovers and spouses. When they say "this chick is nuts" or "that guy is creepy" listen to them, or at the very least hear them out. The object of your affection doesn't have to screw them the be liked, and the odds are your older siblings and best friends will have their _*spider-sense*_ tingle around them. 

I know I made the big mistake of constantly defending my wife at the time to everyone, whom was openly carrying on an EA on facebook and myspace at the same time with no privacy blocks. I felt like a freakin idiot for doing so, but I just didn't want to listen. Little did I know that your female siblings know a crazy chick when they see one, and guys know a douche when he walks in the room. It's just your friends and family don't want to say anything until you start to have problems and that's they release the flood gates and poor buckets of red flag on you at once.

Lesson learned, meet the friends and meet the parents isn't you inviting them into your world, it's more like a call back for an job interview months at least six months into it when YOU are ready. And no matter what don't fall for that person if... I want to say 3 or more people don't like them and get that creepy vibe. Your family and friends will always love you, but your whirlwind romance could leave you the next day permanently scarred.


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## Nsweet

Garry2012 said:


> Funny, when i met my X she had been through a short but bad marriage. She lost alot of weight and I remember her telling her family that she lost it because she was happy. Then during our marriage she put it all back plus some. Eventually cheating because she wasnt happy. Leopards dont change their spots.


Let me guess... She told you how hurt she was from her 1st marriage and really made that guy out to be just a walking POS, and she really told you how special you were and how you saved her? And her marriage before you was the longest relationship she's ever had? 

But then when you'd been married a year or so she completely flipped everything around and whined and complained told everyone who would listen what a bad man you were for trying to get her to hold herself responsible and act more like wife instead of a child? 

:lol: Because that's what I married, divorced, dated, just friended, banged, chased for years, and got psychiatric help to prevent me from going back to. The siren's song is the song of pity.


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## COguy

Houstondad said:


> How did I feel after her apology? A hell of a lot better! It affirmed that I was a good guy after all and that karma will always slap you upside the face!


Don't let your worth rest in another person, especially that one.

You should know you were a good guy even if she still told you that you were the devil.


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## COguy

Shoo you need to get your a$$ out of the house and MAKE a life...that's an order.

There are so many freaking awesome things to do in this planet, sitting inside and moping is not acceptable.

You have to pick one of the following activities from this list and do it by the end of the week, no excuses:

1. Ballroom dancing
2. Yoga
3. Brazilian Jiu Jitsu
4. Random meetup group in your area


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## Garry2012

Nsweet said:


> Let me guess... She told you how hurt she was from her 1st marriage and really made that guy out to be just a walking POS, and she really told you how special you were and how you saved her? And her marriage before you was the longest relationship she's ever had?
> 
> But then when you'd been married a year or so she completely flipped everything around and whined and complained told everyone who would listen what a bad man you were for trying to get her to hold herself responsible and act more like wife instead of a child?
> 
> :lol: Because that's what I married, divorced, dated, just friended, banged, chased for years, and got psychiatric help to prevent me from going back to. The siren's song is the song of pity.


She did say they were not a match..i actually saw him a few times...never talked to him but he did seem like a jerk. No, actually i THINK she was in love with me for about 10/10.5 of the 13 years. She used to brag on me all the time....but when she snapped, and felt old age coming, i was her dad...holding her back. Kids were too, but of course, she would NEVER admit that...as most parents and especially mothers would admit. She might say im a bad guy now, because we did fight alot during the divorce, and it helps her story tremendously if im the devils spawn. lol


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## Nsweet

Garry2012 said:


> She did say they were not a match..i actually saw him a few times...never talked to him but he did seem like a jerk. No, actually i THINK she was in love with me for about 10/10.5 of the 13 years. She used to brag on me all the time....but when she snapped, and felt old age coming, i was her dad...holding her back. Kids were too, but of course, she would NEVER admit that...as most parents and especially mothers would admit. She might say im a bad guy now, because we did fight alot during the divorce, and it helps her story tremendously if im the devils spawn. lol


Man I have heard so many stories like this and it's just sad for everyone but the BS, or so it seems. Like many times it's the husband who is left because the wife has her mid life crisis and freaks out and want to try to relive her glory days, and get under a bunch of younger guys to feel attractive again. 

Of course she'll say she did anything and everything for her husband to sell it to herself, and get her kids to go along with her, but people like this aren't fooling themselves. There's a reason you don't see 50 and 60yo divorcees in clubs looking genuinely happy and surrounded with married friends. No they look pretty miserable with their freedom and lonely. 

In my time since I've been divorced I've occasionally struck up conversations with a lot of older men and women, and I've heard a lot of the same stories over and over. Unsurprisingly the people who are worth a damn are either remarried or dating exclusively and the cheaters are still single, or soon will be if they don't get their act together.


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## Ceegee

Garry2012 said:


> She did say they were not a match..i actually saw him a few times...never talked to him but he did seem like a jerk. No, actually i THINK she was in love with me for about 10/10.5 of the 13 years. She used to brag on me all the time....but when she snapped, and felt old age coming, i was her dad...holding her back. Kids were too, but of course, she would NEVER admit that...as most parents and especially mothers would admit. She might say im a bad guy now, because we did fight alot during the divorce, and it helps her story tremendously if im the devils spawn. lol


Wow, I don't remember writing this last night...


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## muskrat

IF my ex ever showed up and asked to come back (will never happen, she could never admit her wrongs and swallow her pride). I would ask why now? I would then tell her I loved her with every fiber of my being, but she has taken the bridge between us and poured gas on it and burnt it beyond all recognition. I am moving on with my life and refuse to relive the misery.


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## arbitrator

"Sorry, Darlin'! But now that I truly know the 'real you,' I'm not even remotely interested."

"Here's a quarter, Sweetheart! Go call someone who actually gives a crap!"


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## Garry2012

Nsweet said:


> Man I have heard so many stories like this and it's just sad for everyone but the BS, or so it seems. Like many times it's the husband who is left because the wife has her mid life crisis and freaks out and want to try to relive her glory days, and get under a bunch of younger guys to feel attractive again.
> 
> Of course she'll say she did anything and everything for her husband to sell it to herself, and get her kids to go along with her, but people like this aren't fooling themselves. There's a reason you don't see 50 and 60yo divorcees in clubs looking genuinely happy and surrounded with married friends. No they look pretty miserable with their freedom and lonely.
> 
> In my time since I've been divorced I've occasionally struck up conversations with a lot of older men and women, and I've heard a lot of the same stories over and over. Unsurprisingly the people who are worth a damn are either remarried or dating exclusively and the cheaters are still single, or soon will be if they don't get their act together.


I am looking forward to her hitting reality...but know better than to sit around waiting for it. It is amazing to me how may people this has happened to or they have a friend, family etc that this happened to. Heck, my exwife has an aunt that went off the rails about 6 months ahead of her....so her family has TWO.


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## Garry2012

arbitrator said:


> "Sorry, Darlin'! But now that I truly know the 'real you,' I'm not even remotely interested."
> 
> "Here's a quarter, Sweetheart! Go call someone who actually gives a crap!"


"Take a quarter from the 401k money you swore on the Bible you wouldnt take from me, and call someone who cares...maybe just put .25 on your gophone account and call your POSOM up."


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## arbitrator

Garry2012 said:


> "Take a quarter from the 401k money you swore on the Bible you wouldnt take from me, and call someone who cares...maybe just put .25 on your gophone account and call your POSOM up."


Oh you can bet your sweet backside that she's still doing that even to this very date ~ just as she did long before the separation ever occurred!


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## whitehawk

brokenbythis said:


> My exH is not doing too well either. What a mess his life is. He's dead broke, one bad relationship after another, got some woman pregnant and now hes got to support me/our child and another kid. Lives in a crappy apartment, is obese, lives on junk food.
> 
> Karma is a b!tch.



Yeah but - who got the house , the kids , the support.
Not saying l know anything about either of your sitch's but l do know we read a lot how women tend to do better.
Well , that's a real big surprise 
Ever tried losing your kids , your x , your house , everything you spent 2oyears working for , having to pay support and often t6he mortgage still to , a new rental , as well as trying to find a way to still be a dad , through the lose of your marriage, partner , as well as having to rebuild your whole life , finances , the lot - with all this draining you forever .
l know there's a lot of nasty x's out there , some are mind boggling, women and men, not just men.
But most are left with all this, this is what they are suppose to rebuild their lives from !

So yeah , bad x's go down hill to but in all fairness to bad or good, no one ever points these things out .


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## arbitrator

"Most betrayed husbands find out that they have a cheater in their midst. But you treated me extra special, darlin', as you cheated with two men, at the same time!

You made me feel so extra special because not only are you a cheater, but you're a liar and a hypocrite to boot!

Go cry on Lil' Lord Lardass' shoulder and see if he's still got some of that 'accidental penis' that y'all were so giddy texting each other about! And on your way over to his place, stop and get yourself a shot of penicilin!

But on second thought, honey, just ask your Doc if he has a little extra of it on hand that you can gargle with!"


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## hope4family

Shoo, I went back out into the world (after getting back into shape) and went into dancing. 

Let me just say, even though I met my ex-wife through dancing. I do not regret it or feel bitter one bit. Just from all the new friends I've made (focusing on the old friends from before, then females, then more on males, now it's become a healthy mix). Trust me, I made mistakes along the way. 

But the scariest part in all this. I am continuing to develop a social life. It's a lot of fun.


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## angelpixie

I will also add another vote for dancing, Shoo. For me, it was something I used to love, but gave it up well before I met Ex. After we broke up, it was something I started to do for real. Like, took a few classes, joined my local contra group, just went to shows and danced in the crowd. I think dance is great because:

--It's social (even if you go someplace by yourself, you're around others and might even meet some new friends)

--You're moving, so it's exercise and you're still getting that endorphin release

--You're listening to music, which is also great for improving mood

--If you're learning something new, it is sharpening your mind and getting you to focus on something other than how badly you feel


Give it a shot, Shoo! Really, at this point, what have you got to lose?


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## Nsweet

angelpixie said:


> I will also add another vote for dancing, Shoo. For me, it was something I used to love, but gave it up well before I met Ex. After we broke up, it was something I started to do for real. Like, took a few classes, joined my local contra group, just went to shows and danced in the crowd. I think dance is great because:
> 
> --It's social (even if you go someplace by yourself, you're around others and might even meet some new friends)
> 
> --You're moving, so it's exercise and you're still getting that endorphin release
> 
> --You're listening to music, which is also great for improving mood
> 
> --If you're learning something new, it is sharpening your mind and getting you to focus on something other than how badly you feel
> 
> 
> Give it a shot, Shoo! Really, at this point, what have you got to lose?


:iagree: with Angel!

However, it doesn't have to be dancing. I know a lot of guys are not comfortable with dance classes, and you may not be ready for the level of comfort it takes to dance with a female partner yet. That's ok, there's going to be some guilt in allowing yourself to have fun again when you've been oppressed for so long. Especially having fun with women your ex might have kept you from.

I'm 100% with everything else Angel said. There's a clever little acronym for this too. Should be easy enough to remember.... It's what you want to tell your ex for ruining your life. GO F*CK YOURSELF!:smthumbup:

-*G*et *O*ut
-Have *FU*n
-*C*onnections
-*K*inesthetics
-Live *YOUR* life
-*SELF* Improvement

It's pretty self explanatory, get out of the house and away from all of those triggers, do something you have fun doing, try to connect with other people, kinisthetic or movement and exercise, live your life for yourself, and work on improving yourself a little bit at a time. 

My "dancing" was body weight and old world bodybuilding and gymnastics. I used to love to workout for myself by myself, but my wife was so insecure she didn't want me going to the gym without her. When we did go together she just wanted to interrupt me and talk instead of doing anything. 

So getting back into working out was an incredibly guilty pleasure but I knew I had to keep going. I started exactly twenty-four weeks away from our court date after sulking for a few months and just forced myself to buck up. And I lost 24lbs blew her away, because apparently she found every one I lose, lol. Then I kept going and lost 50lbs in under a year. 

I lost my gym membership since then, but I didn't need it. It was keeping me back from having fun outside of the gym. Now I go to a school playground and workout. I'll walk a mile there carrying weights with me, workout for a few, and come home. I'll do that twice a day, morning/afternoon and night. I'm having a blast, even though I go at it alone... 

I've made more friends recently just getting out of the house (away from TAM). Not to mention the beautiful single girls out running or walking their dogs every morning that stop and ask me just what the hell I'm doing. Ice... BROKEN.:smthumbup: It's just fun getting out again, feeling better about myself, and doing those things I used to love again. 

I found my dance. What's yours?


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## Shooboomafoo

Hard to fathom how after 2yrs this month, some things when popping into mind, seem to have such a sting to it. It doesnt help to be single and missing that companionship in doing things. 
When I first was divorced, and moved into my own house, my group of friends went from seeing 20 or so regularly, to 2 all the time. A long time friend of mine and his girlfriend, let me use their washer/dryer, had me over for bbq and beers. They listened to my broken record over and over, but always listened, and validated my hurt. 
I ventured out and met up with some of the old crowd, and it was a "reminiscent" time,, questions came up, I had a few, and was happy to oblige my rant about how things went down,,, you know just in case they had heard the "other" side..

Ended up feeling like an ass, so I distanced myself. I needed to, and still do, need to pay down severe debts incurred over the marriage, whilst maintaining a house and food for when my kid comes over for a week at a time. I guess I just withdrew, worried about my own attitude towards others some times, and other times, truly enjoying the freedom and ability to breathe in this strange new house and ability to do whatever I darned well please..
Lots of flip flop over the 2 years. GOOD MOOD, crummy mood, not thinking about her or how shtty it was, to having to go over there and see her moving on just dandy with OM in our house.

Ive shaken my fist to the sky in a sense of complete WTF!!!!!..... 

Having a hard time finding something that picques my interest in terms of going out and doing...I got in the car the other day and the rearview mirror said 113F. I find myself after my 45minute drive home after work, wanting to just plop down and exhaust...
I know that wont do though. In the beginning it was fine, because I was new to being single and had newfound freedom, and because my marriage was always chock full of sht to do every hour on the hour, I thoroughly enjoyed the rest, the peace, and at times honestly, the isolation.

Not so much anymore though. Missing a woman, and companionship, and know that I need to get out more and do something.. I really appreciate the ideas. I dont know if dancing is my thing. Im in decent shape, but could use some work. 

It seems it is important that I get out to meet "new" people as well. Ive got no excuse really, maybe Im still getting adjusted to stuff. Im a bit concerned about my attitude too. I need to find more good decent people like those 2 who have been so close to me these past couple of years.


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## Nsweet

You're so not ready to "get out there" yet.

I'll give you probably the best advice you will ever get on moving forward, and that is *"Don't worry about getting a new woman until you're through b!tching about the last one"*. 

Even therapy will have you getting sick of talking about her and the could, would, shoulda, at some point. I advise you to do that on your own now and just set aside one of two hours a day to write, TAM, shout, cry, and b!tch about her to yourself... _It helped me to have conversations with her in my head and get closure by telling her all the things I wanted to say. But in my fantasy she just shut up and listened to me instead of getting defensive._

I know I'm young and don't gave as much experience as you but you've got to trust on this, I've been through a lot of therapy for past issues. I just want to let you know if you want to make new friends (girlfriends) and keep the friends you have *DO NOT TALK ABOUT YOUR EX.*:nono: It seems simple and redundant, but a lot of people who've been hurt will do this or bring up the ex too soon and it scares people away.

But you can use that hurt and pain your feeling to your advantage, and I'm not talking about emo poetry, lol. Get in touch with your feelings and allow yourself to express sadness without trying to mask it with masculinity. Acknowledge what you're feeling and let your self express those emotions instead of bottling them up. There's a reason I'm telling you to do this btw. There's several reasons, but the biggest is that women love seem to love it.:smthumbup:

Sounds crazy right? WRONG. The only way I can explain it is that after you've been hurt, I mean really really hurt... and spent time understanding yourself in every emotion, *you understand women better.* You understand the need to vent and not receive "helpful" fix-it advice. You know when to hug and when to leave well enough alone. You know when to shut up and just listen, really "listen" to someone else. You really begin to understand the emotional reasoning and some of the meanings behind the words. 
And one I have to include on behalf of the ladies, understanding that women were not put on this earth for you to mistreat and use for sexual gratification. Respect is a two way street! - This isn't aimed at you Shoo, just a certain type of men in general.

In short, it's like *"the only way to be her everything, is lose everything and be nothing to no one. To appreciate what little you do have and the love yourself first."* Starting over is never easy, but this time gives you a chance to look at yourself without love blinders on and fix yourself for yourself. If you don't like what you've become, that part of your ex that is still in you... you have a chance to shed that skin. And through all of this you really do start to appreciate the good women, because they reflect the good parts in you. Water seeks it own level, and people are attracted to mate with their own level of emotional maturity at the time. 

And always always remember who you where as a good and honorable loving husband. I like to think of my divorce this way, I may have lost my wife but I never stopped being a husband. I don't think anyone who's been betrayed every gives up that identity of being the spouse/parent/lover they want to be. You'll never look at the world the same way, that's for sure.


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## hope4family

I gotta say thats great advice NSweet. 

A big problem with the nice guy tendency I have and moving on, is I can never truly escape my ex-'s snare because even though i'm in an 80-20 custody situation (my favor) she is always around seemingly just to annoy. As if she is unfulfilled unless she is creating drama. 

As time passes i'm learning and applying that the dude to blame. Is in the mirror. I'm always restating boundary's like i'm facing off against a child. A child whom no-matter what path i'll choose, i'll always be wrong anyway unless it serves their own selfish purpose and vision. 

Nothing ever worth achieving is done without hard work.


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## Nsweet

You should really sheckout shrink4men.com and gettinbetter.com Between those two site's you'll find the best advice for dealing with a childish manipulative ex that wants to control you after divorce. 

Sorry, I don't have children and I don't know enough to advise you myself. I can only just point you in the direction of some books and articles.


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## angelpixie

Nsweet said:


> There's a clever little acronym for this too. Should be easy enough to remember.... It's what you want to tell your ex for ruining your life. GO F*CK YOURSELF!:smthumbup:
> 
> -*G*et *O*ut
> -Have *FU*n
> -*C*onnections
> -*K*inesthetics
> -Live *YOUR* life
> -*SELF* Improvement


I truly love this!! :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:


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## Jellybeans

Nsweet said:


> I'll give you probably the best advice you will ever get on moving forward, and that is *"Don't worry about getting a new woman until you're through b!tching about the last one"*.


THE TRUTH!!!!

If you are still hurt/angry/upset, you are NOT over it.

The opposite of love is indifference. So if you are still talking about how hurt you are and in pain and how much you HATE THAT WOMAN (whoever she may be), you are NOT over her or it.

And no new woman is going to want to hear about it. It's a turn off. Just saying.


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## Freak On a Leash

GettingBetter said:


> ...if he/she came back after a year or two, does not matter how long, apologized showed true remorse and asked you for another chance. I know this is very unlikely to happen to most of us, but I am just curious to see the answers.


:lol: :rofl: I'd know for sure that he'd started drinking again. 

No F'in way in hell would I give him another chance. I've never been happier than I am now that I've cut him out of my life, why would I change that? 



Nsweet said:


> I would say _"Oh hell no! There's no way in hell I am going to let you back in my life and we can't ever be friends. Now get the f*ck off of my porch before I call the cops."_


That pretty much sums up my attitude as well.


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## Cinema79

"if he/she came back after a year or two, does not matter how long, apologized showed true remorse and asked you for another chance."

Well...I'd say the following...

"Jessica, I gave my soul to you. I loved you more than my entire family and everything else in my life and you quit on me a year into our marriage. All I wanted you do is to be happy with your life, and love me. That's it. That ridiculously beautiful smile was one of my favorite things in the world and it's too bad I rarely got to see it. 

I could care less about our huge suburban home, I'd live in a tiny beatdown apartment if it meant getting a hug from you once in awhile. I don't care about the dinners you prepared for us, I'd eat a bowl of corn pops for two weeks straight if it meant getting an hour of cuddling on the couch. I'd take back every summer boating trip if it meant getting one passionate kiss from you every week. I'd sell my car and bike to work everyday in a snowstorm if you would look at me with passion in your eyes and say "Cinema79, I love you so much" just once.

Why did stop loving me? Why did you say 'until death do you part' in your hometown church and in front of 450 family and friends only shut me off a year later? Why was that Mr. 100K per year co-worker so irresistible to you and you couldn't wait for our marriage to be over so you could get with him? 

Why did you insult my family, my friends, my hobbies, when I loved the same things about you?

Why do I love you so much when I have every reason not to?

I wish you could have seen me after the divorce. You probably thought I sailed away unharmed. 

Wrong.

I would cry in the shower every day. My body looked like that of an Auschwitz survivor. I could not finish my meals. I once cried about you so hard that I puked. If that isn't love, please explain what is?

I made out with a girl 5 months after our divorce was finalized. I wondered what you were doing the moment I kissed her. I had sex with a girl 7 months after our divorce was finalized. Every time I fvcked her, I fantasized that it was you.

I remember crying in my car when winter ended, because it meant going through an entire season without you. I didn't want that winter to end because it meant a new season was coming where we wouldn't be together.

You had no problem pawning your $6000 wedding ring once you filed and bringing every item of clothing I bought you to Goodwill. I still have our wedding photo book and my wedding ring. Even our engagement photos. I don't have the guts to throw any of it away. 

You have no friends. Your co-workers don't even like you. Your brother and your dad choose to ignore you if given the opportunity. Your mother and myself loved you, but you threw me away. I guess you still have your mom. 

Now, you are coming back, and I'm so excited and want to tell the world about how we've reconciled. We'll meet up with our old mutual friends and they'll stand up and give us a round of applause when we walk through the door together. They always thought we were perfect together. We'll go back to the restaurant of our first date and say things like "I can't believe we are here!" I'll even wear the same outfit (I kept that too).

Three years later you'll probably be sad again. 

I'll probably be dead.


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## Forever Changed

Once, I would have given everything to have her back and to be a family again. And I think you all mean what I mean by everything.

But Sarah, your sadistic pleasure during our separation of seeing me in sheer pain during my most vulnerable times is sickening to me. That look of glee in your eyes that you hurt me to my very soul. That evil, evil way that not only did you take our 8 week old baby hundreds of miles away, but you lorded him over me. Just knowing how much I loved our son but hurting me to the core of my soul.

Those times when you KNEW I was in absolute HELL, all on my own you were laughing. You all were.

So No. No way in a million years.

Not on God's green earth would I have you back.

Never.


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## Pinkturtle

I am learning a lot from reading everyone's posts. I've only been divorced for a month. We separated in Jan of this year. We were only married 2 years but I truly believed that he would be the man I grew old with. I am in my late 40's and he is 54. He truly put me through Hell during the divorce. He divorced me because he didn't like me telling him to stop supporting his 30 year daughter who has a masters degree. He was even more cruel by filing for divorce after my mother died of end stage dementia in Nov 2012. He wanted a quickie Internet divorce which I did not give him. He married me knowing that I had severe bipolar and have been on SSDI for 4 years and Medicare doesn't nearly cover the medical expenses. I told him before the marriage that if he had any doubts to get out now. I had been divorced for 10 years and did not want to go through another divorce. 
He wants to be friends. We had dinner Fri night and after I begged him via text to get back together He turned me down and said its to early to be friends. You guys and gals have so much self esteem and backbone. I've dated and dated another man who is enabling his 24 yo deadbeat son. I'm probably the only person on this site that would take back my ex. However, it would be a mistake because I would always come second to his adult children and we would always be broke because of those leaches. :scratchhead::scratchhead:


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## Hardtohandle

Pinkturtle said:


> I am learning a lot from reading everyone's posts. I've only been divorced for a month. We separated in Jan of this year. We were only married 2 years but I truly believed that he would be the man I grew old with. I am in my late 40's and he is 54. He truly put me through Hell during the divorce. He divorced me because he didn't like me telling him to stop supporting his 30 year daughter who has a masters degree. He was even more cruel by filing for divorce after my mother died of end stage dementia in Nov 2012. He wanted a quickie Internet divorce which I did not give him. He married me knowing that I had severe bipolar and have been on SSDI for 4 years and Medicare doesn't nearly cover the medical expenses. I told him before the marriage that if he had any doubts to get out now. I had been divorced for 10 years and did not want to go through another divorce.
> He wants to be friends. We had dinner Fri night and after I begged him via text to get back together He turned me down and said its to early to be friends. You guys and gals have so much self esteem and backbone. I've dated and dated another man who is enabling his 24 yo deadbeat son. I'm probably the only person on this site that would take back my ex. However, it would be a mistake because I would always come second to his adult children and we would always be broke because of those leaches. :scratchhead::scratchhead:


Pink I can tell you I would love to say I wouldn't take my wife back. But I really don't know what I would do. I would hope and pray that I would have enough backbone to tell her to get lost. But I really don't know.. I love her and know we can't be together.. Its really tough..


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## arbitrator

*If my STBXW would ever come to me and openly confess what it was that she did behind my back with both of her BF's, then I'd listen!

But like a good prosecuting attorney, I would drill her, and drill her, and drill her, probably to the point of tears and her asking for forgiveness!

But that is no guarantee. I'd likely tell her that I forgive her ~ but there's no way in hell that I'd ever consider R with her ~ she's painted her barn so crimson that she absolutely cannot be trusted!*


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## P51Geo1980

GettingBetter said:


> ...if he/she came back after a year or two, does not matter how long, apologized showed true remorse and asked you for another chance. I know this is very unlikely to happen to most of us, but I am just curious to see the answers.
> No, I do not want mine to even think about that. After everything she put me thru..lies, deceit, rewriting the history and even continuous lying after being divorced for a year...no way. I think I would lose all self respect that I built by divorcing her.


I'm not divorced yet but I have thought about this actually. If my STXW did this I'd tell her that I've given her more than 10 years of my life and she's not getting anymore. I'd also make sure she understood just how inadequate I feel because of her and how much she has destroyed myself worth and that her closing the door on an active and healthy sex life soon after our wedding day destroyed me. I was cheated out of 10 of my best years.


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## arbitrator

*"Well, Darlin'! It seems that you placed your money and boinking both of your out-of-town boyfriends well ahead of our marriage!

Tell you what I'm going to do! Just keep your millions and keep both of your boyfriends. While they may like rich, cheating skanks, I do not!

And try to spend a little bit of quality, soul-searching time to figure out what kind of self-serving excuse that you're going to share one day with our Creator, for your sordid adulterous actions as well as your monetary greed. 

He'll be more than interested in what it is that you have to say. Just be truthful this time!*


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## Nsweet

I had this whole thing typed up I wanted to say about to her now, but honestly I don't think I would want to talk to any of my exes again. 

*There's no such thing as closure* and with a lot of the poor choices in women I had they wouldn't accept any responsibilities for the deterioration of the relationship. Everything would somehow be twisted into being my fault again. 

The only thing I can think I would ever say if that situation arose again would be... nothing. I'm not going to fight, I'm not going to argue, I'm not going to cry in front of a woman trying to hurt me, I'm just going to quietly get my things and leave, then stay NC forever. Because silence hurts more than anything you could ever say in the heat of the moment.


----------



## Garry2012

Nsweet said:


> I had this whole thing typed up I wanted to say about to her now, but honestly I don't think I would want to talk to any of my exes again.
> 
> *There's no such thing as closure* and with a lot of the poor choices in women I had they wouldn't accept any responsibilities for the deterioration of the relationship. Everything would somehow be twisted into being my fault again.
> 
> The only thing I can think I would ever say if that situation arose again would be... nothing. I'm not going to fight, I'm not going to argue, I'm not going to cry in front of a woman trying to hurt me, I'm just going to quietly get my things and leave, then stay NC forever. Because silence hurts more than anything you could ever say in the heat of the moment.


True. I dated a woman 20 years ago who broke up with me etc. We didnt talk but a couple times after, i met my now exwife, and moved on with life. Every once in a while for the next 17 years I would get a call, or a card or something...her trying to get in touch with me (i had a hunch why), but I never returned any contact. Well, she contacted me recently and I told her about my divorce etc, and WOW I got several VERY long emails from her about her rough life and relationships and how sorry she was etc etc. Luckily she is happily married, but clearly the NC with me for 17 years was hard on her..she so desparately needed to say she was sorry and try to get closure.


----------



## Jellybeans

Nsweet said:


> *There's no such thing as closure* .


I totally agree. For a long time I wanted this elusive "closure" but realized one day--it was never going to be what I wanted anyway.

I suppose my sort of closure was knowing that I'd never get it.

That was eye-opening. And I felt better after I accepted that.



2galsmom said:


> Same situation, well probably worse let's face it *but I gave the BEST years of my life* and he is not getting another second.


How do you know they were the best years of your life if tomorrow and next year haven't happened yet?

Things that make you go hmmm... :corkysm60:


----------



## Jellybeans

Pinkturtle said:


> He wants to be friends. We had dinner Fri night and after I begged him via text to get back together He turned me down and said its to early to be friends.
> 
> I've dated and dated another man who is enabling his 24 yo deadbeat son.


Do not beg him for anything.

He filed for divorce, you got divorced so stop hanging out with him. It's going to hinder your healing process if you keep meeting him for dinner and texting him.

Also, why would you WANT to be friends with him? Friends are kind to one another, respect eachother, all the things he is not showing you.

Stop dating the guy who is just like your now-ex husband.

Be single for awhile.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

ExH? Well that would happen about the time hell freezes over. He did after I initially left but not since.

However, if they guy I had most recently been dating did, I would consider it. I would make sure he had fully moved on past his ex since that was the issue.

That, too, is unlikely to change. Odd, he is the first guy that broke up with me. Every other guy I have dated I was the one who broke it off and they always came back asking to see me. 

Once you go EW...


----------



## Jellybeans

First time for everything, Enjoli. I have broken up with many (heartbreaker) and been dumped myself (lame!) Hahaha


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Jellybeans said:


> First time for everything, Enjoli. I have broken up with many (heartbreaker) and been dumped myself (lame!) Hahaha


Yup, the last guy was the first one - my time was up!


----------



## Jellybeans

Even if it sucked, it's always good things to experience things from different points of view.


----------



## hereinthemidwest

I would look at him and say, G2H!


----------



## angelpixie

"That ship has sailed, honey. And it was called Titanic."


----------



## Garry2012

angelpixie said:


> "That ship has sailed, honey. And it was called Titanic."


I am in a lifeboat now....and it DONT have your name on it. Swim well!!! bye!


----------



## ladylaker

I was married/together with my husband 21 years. I can count on one hand the times he apologized and actually meant it. Most of the time it was shouting "I'M SORRY, THERE! I SAID IT! 

I'm sorry to say, that scenario would never happen in my case. My ex should be the poster child for Narcissistic Personality Disorder. He has 100% of the symptoms and not to a small degree. You cannot mentally survive in a marriage taking 100 % of the blame. At least I couldn't, my knees are bloody from the groveling I had to do just to 'keep the peace' for all the years that we were married.


----------



## Jellybeans

angelpixie said:


> "That ship has sailed, honey. And it was called Titanic."


Seriously made me literally laugh out loud when I read that. Love it!

Ladylaker, I was with a guy like that once. To you I say, CONGRATS for getting out of that hell! :smthumbup:


----------



## Nsweet

Garry2012 said:


> True. I dated a woman 20 years ago who broke up with me etc. We didnt talk but a couple times after, i met my now exwife, and moved on with life. *Every once in a while for the next 17 years I would get a call, or a card or something...her trying to get in touch with me* (i had a hunch why), but I never returned any contact. Well, she contacted me recently and I told her about my divorce etc, and WOW *I got several VERY long emails from her about her rough life and relationships and how sorry she was etc etc. *Luckily she is happily married, but clearly the NC with me for 17 years was hard on her..she so desparately needed to say she was sorry and try to get closure. *Are you sure about that? *


Dude, RED FLAG!!!!! Some woman you dated before your wife calls you to patch things up. Great, that's a very noble characteristic and not too many people will apologize after causing a lot of heartbreak. But you're telling me she's sending you long drawn out emails, cards, too much contact. WTF? Who honestly does that without trying to start an affair... Because she doing it without your wife or her husband knowing, secretly. 

And then when you tell her you're divorcing your wife (and now available) and she launches into this long poor me story about her rough life since you, and I'm sure she told you how she didn't meant to hurt you back then.... but her marriage is so happy she feels the need to call her exes and send them birthday cards. Who does this??? Since when did she care enough about you to respect your boundaries? 

You can't tell me that means she cared about you all this time. No that's what a lot of husbands say when their high school crushes contact them out of the blue to have these whirlwind affairs. But all that means is she's such as loser she can't move on with the present and has to dredge up old relationships. Probably because she's already married and hating it or burned so many bridges no one can stand to deal with her crap. 

I've had exes do exactly this and I know how good it feels to get that long awaited apology. But a lot of the times it comes with a manipulative ploy and that's usually the 180 used against you. They call you when their life is absolutely in the sh!tter with some damsel in distress schtick and pump up your ego telling you how you were the one and they always knew they should of kept you... She may even act like she wants to drop everything for one more chance encounter. 

Honestly, you know better than that. Come on! What are the chances that your ex has said the same thing to other men and woman and goes back to rekindle past relationships between spring-boarding to the next affair. I don't care if it was an ONS, a long term gf, or an ex wife, you never take what they say for face value and you don't just launch into a relationship with anyone. Especially not your exes. 

And the way she acted with regards to contact... sending you unsolicited contact and gifts while you were married without your wife or her husband knowing, and then this whole thing with the emails and apologies out of nowhere. She doesn't want to apologize, she wants you.... unless she's doing it ass backwards. If she wanted you she should have kept the channels of communication open and left you and your wife alone alone until your divorce, AND THEN offered her support and introduced the "my life without you sucks" spiel. 

That's the way these things go. You don't try to butter your ex up and send them gifts while either of you are taken, unless every party is cool with that. Which does not happen because everyone knows how you're both single and ready again. But I don't like the idea of getting back with exes you had a huge falling out with. It's just not a good idea because people don't really change and the novelty wears off as you remember why it didn't work out in the first place.


----------



## Nsweet

Yeah, but did you keep trying to contact him or send him cards even though he didn't want nothing to do with you? 

That's the kind of behavior I'm talking about. It's not just a one time deal, she did it while he was married and then ramped it up when he said he was divorcing. That's where the Red Flag comes in. 

And I think you mean "My Name Is Earl". One of my favorite shows of all times.


----------



## Nsweet

That's what it makes me think of. Her actions were not genuine and registered as red flags on my sensors. 

When I had an ex that contacted me out of the blue and I just so happened to be in her town at the time, it was like she lit up and had to meet me come hell or high water. Come to find out she married her baby's father and was looking to cheat on him while he was off in Afghanistan. So needless to say I ended that meet up before it ever happened. Pity too, because she was gorgeous!

I'm very wary about dating in general, especially when it comes to the ones who seem too perfect. I know how mirroring works and I know all the games. I don't trust any woman who comes to me with a pitiful story, because it usually follows with them wanting something... And I've been burned playing hero too many times to fall for the damsel in distress schtick or that crap about *"all the men I date are jerks"* followed by the ego stroking line *"but you're something special"*... Yeah, take it somewhere else sister. I've seen it all before.


----------



## Nsweet

You don't know my story do you? I know all of this because I was married to a female BPD waif who played the very depiction of a damsel in distress. 

In reality she was a controlling brat who had very black and white relationships with her flavor of the month friends, a text book narcissist for a sister, mean father she idolized for being an absolute d!ck to her sweet mother - Which he cheated on and left for another family, and she kept her exes as friends so she could go back and forth between teasing them and dating new guys. I don't think her mother caused this, I think her father raped her at a young age or something. 

Everything I talk about with these types of women, not necessarily PD types, comes from first hand experiences with the ex wife and several ex gfs before her. I know all about the mirroring that happens in the honeymoon stage, the damsel in distress act, even the word for word text book phrases you hear. I swear with some of them it's like they recite romantic movie lines and recycled phrases about finding love at first site, or being heartbroken damaged women in need of big strapping men to untie them from the rail road tracks. LOL.

I am the rescuer, white knight, nice guy type. I'm more of an cold and distant assh*le than I've ever been right now, partially due to the military training and divorce, but I'm a nice guy rescuer at heart. I have to fight very hard to keep from letting my guard down and to put some distance between myself and new women, because the white knight tendency in me is so strong. If I didn't stay away from a certain type of woman I'm attracted to or keep myself from being the rescuer I want to be, I would just end up with someone just like my ex or worse... I do have a thing for tattoos and piercings on a woman, so worse.


----------



## Nsweet

2galsmom said:


> Well if you are a White Knight type then you need a Damsel in Distress for your identity, I am sure you have explored why you go after those women right?
> *Yeah, BPD drug addicted single mother.*
> 
> You are in the right thread Nsweet, you should say to them, fix things yourself the next time you see them. *That's what I do now.* But between you and me if they are sociopaths (I am tired of hearing all the BS about people with BPD at TAM after the hell I went through) it is best not to have any contact with these women you attempted to rescue.
> *Oh there's no way in hell you can rescue a person who doesn't want to save themselves first. A lot of people will play that card for sympathy and money, but a real adult gets their **** together at some point... Not just for long enough for you to lower your guard. And not so they can get over on your trust by playing the wounded bird. *
> 
> Maybe you need a new identity. You can still be nice without rescuing anyone!
> *Ha! New identity. Can we ever real become someone we're not without the use of hypnotism or head injury?*
> 
> The best thing to say to an ex, sociopathic or otherwise is nothing.
> *That's exactly what they say about narcissists in "Dissarming the Narcissist".*


----------



## Garry2012

Nsweet said:


> Dude, RED FLAG!!!!! Some woman you dated before your wife calls you to patch things up. Great, that's a very noble characteristic and not too many people will apologize after causing a lot of heartbreak. But you're telling me she's sending you long drawn out emails, cards, too much contact. WTF? Who honestly does that without trying to start an affair... Because she doing it without your wife or her husband knowing, secretly.
> 
> And then when you tell her you're divorcing your wife (and now available) and she launches into this long poor me story about her rough life since you, and I'm sure she told you how she didn't meant to hurt you back then.... but her marriage is so happy she feels the need to call her exes and send them birthday cards. Who does this??? Since when did she care enough about you to respect your boundaries?
> 
> You can't tell me that means she cared about you all this time. No that's what a lot of husbands say when their high school crushes contact them out of the blue to have these whirlwind affairs. But all that means is she's such as loser she can't move on with the present and has to dredge up old relationships. Probably because she's already married and hating it or burned so many bridges no one can stand to deal with her crap.
> 
> I've had exes do exactly this and I know how good it feels to get that long awaited apology. But a lot of the times it comes with a manipulative ploy and that's usually the 180 used against you. They call you when their life is absolutely in the sh!tter with some damsel in distress schtick and pump up your ego telling you how you were the one and they always knew they should of kept you... She may even act like she wants to drop everything for one more chance encounter.
> 
> Honestly, you know better than that. Come on! What are the chances that your ex has said the same thing to other men and woman and goes back to rekindle past relationships between spring-boarding to the next affair. I don't care if it was an ONS, a long term gf, or an ex wife, you never take what they say for face value and you don't just launch into a relationship with anyone. Especially not your exes.
> 
> And the way she acted with regards to contact... sending you unsolicited contact and gifts while you were married without your wife or her husband knowing, and then this whole thing with the emails and apologies out of nowhere. She doesn't want to apologize, she wants you.... unless she's doing it ass backwards. If she wanted you she should have kept the channels of communication open and left you and your wife alone alone until your divorce, AND THEN offered her support and introduced the "my life without you sucks" spiel.
> 
> That's the way these things go. You don't try to butter your ex up and send them gifts while either of you are taken, unless every party is cool with that. Which does not happen because everyone knows how you're both single and ready again. But I don't like the idea of getting back with exes you had a huge falling out with. It's just not a good idea because people don't really change and the novelty wears off as you remember why it didn't work out in the first place.


Normally I would agree. But that was 8 months ago, we havent spoken since. She repeatedly told me she was happily married etc. I dont care if she cares or not about me frankly...I can barely remember anything about her...and mostly its the negative stuff at the end of the relationship. Oh, I would NEVER go back to her. My point was just that the no contact got to her. Yeah, those contacts during my marriage I think were intended to check to see if i was still married. If i wasnt, she would have tried to restart. Which is why I never answered back.


----------



## Jellybeans

You are a smart man, Gary.


----------



## LostSmile

I would honestly laugh.

I would say.. "I have been waiting a long time to do this."

And then I would close the door, lock it, and keep on not caring.


----------



## Jellybeans

By the way, walking out of the gym about 2.5 weeks ago, I saw my exH. I have been a member at my gym for 2.5 yrs and never once have I ever seen him there.

The freaky thing is that the day prior I was telling one of my girlfriends how I'd not seen him in a while and since I'd just mentioned I "probably" would see him since I seem to conjure him. Lo and behold, the next mornoing, not even 24 hrs later, I saw him. 

Anyway, was walking out the gym after a work out to my car and saw him very quickly putting something into his trunk, decked out in workout clothes. He either saw me and pretended not to or did not see me. My guess is he saw me and scurried off. He quickly jumped into his Mercedes and sped off. I almost said Hi (headphones in my ears) but he left so fast. 

Strange. You can be with someone all those years, love them, wake up to them every day, hug at night, and one day they become a stranger you avoid in a parking lot. I thought, "Was I that bad? To ignore/pretend not to see?" But then I also did not say hi. Who knows.


----------



## Garry2012

Jellybeans said:


> By the way, walking out of the gym about 2.5 weeks ago, I saw my exH. I have been a member at my gym for 2.5 yrs and never once have I ever seen him there.
> 
> The freaky thing is that the day prior I was telling one of my girlfriends how I'd not seen him in a while and since I'd just mentioned I "probably" would see him since I seem to conjure him. Lo and behold, the next mornoing, not even 24 hrs later, I saw him.
> 
> Anyway, was walking out the gym after a work out to my car and saw him very quickly putting something into his trunk, decked out in workout clothes. He either saw me and pretended not to or did not see me. My guess is he saw me and scurried off. He quickly jumped into his Mercedes and sped off. I almost said Hi (headphones in my ears) but he left so fast.
> 
> Strange. You can be with someone all those years, love them, wake up to them every day, hug at night, and one day they become a stranger you avoid in a parking lot. I thought, "Was I that bad? To ignore/pretend not to see?" But then I also did not say hi. Who knows.


To me, to acknowledge is to engage. It is weird I suppose...I wont even look at my X, which her and her mother take as me being rude/a jerk/evil etc. To me it is simply cutting her out..I dont want to look at her and have any triggers. If we didnt have kids, I would never see her again...so I am doing what I can to get as little of her as I can. First day of school for the kids, once we dropped off, we walked near each other to our cars, no words exchanged, I walked off without saying a word...and it felt just fine to me.


----------



## Jellybeans

Eh. From the man who gave me a million silent treatments and constantly stonewalled me, I suppose I am not surprised. I suppose it's par for the course.


----------



## Garry2012

Jellybeans said:


> Eh. From the man who gave me a million silent treatments and constantly stonewalled me, I suppose I am not surprised. I suppose it's par for the course.


Exactly...its how he dealt when you were married....easier now.


----------



## Jellybeans

Garry2012 said:


> Exactly...its how he dealt when you were married....easier now.


The gawt damn truth. In marriage, it was the thing that bothered me the most, hurt me the most, even more than when he told me he slept with someone else. But now, it barely registers. Sure, I noticed it but... less sting. Much less.


----------



## angelpixie

Jellybeans said:


> By the way, walking out of the gym about 2.5 weeks ago, I saw my exH. I have been a member at my gym for 2.5 yrs and never once have I ever seen him there.
> 
> The freaky thing is that the day prior I was telling one of my girlfriends how I'd not seen him in a while and since I'd just mentioned I "probably" would see him since I seem to conjure him. Lo and behold, the next mornoing, not even 24 hrs later, I saw him.
> 
> Anyway, was walking out the gym after a work out to my car and saw him very quickly putting something into his trunk, decked out in workout clothes. He either saw me and pretended not to or did not see me. My guess is he saw me and scurried off. He quickly jumped into his Mercedes and sped off. I almost said Hi (headphones in my ears) but he left so fast.
> 
> Strange. You can be with someone all those years, love them, wake up to them every day, hug at night, and one day they become a stranger you avoid in a parking lot. I thought, "Was I that bad? To ignore/pretend not to see?" But then I also did not say hi. Who knows.


That's funny you should write this today, JB. I was just thinking something along these very lines yesterday. That if it wasn't for our contact due to DS, that we'd probably go a very long time without any contact. And I can imagine a scenario just like what you described. And I thought the same thing -- the truly bizarre nature of that type of 'non-encounter' with someone you used to be so intimate with. That somehow you're strangers again after being closer that you've ever been with anyone else. Just left me shaking my head.


----------



## whispersofme

I would have to say to him...."and you are who again? You look vaguely familar but sorry I just cannot remember you." and walk away laughing softly.

get back together? Not on your life!


----------



## Paradise

angelpixie said:


> That's funny you should write this today, JB. I was just thinking something along these very lines yesterday. That if it wasn't for our contact due to DS, that we'd probably go a very long time without any contact. And I can imagine a scenario just like what you described. And I thought the same thing -- the truly bizarre nature of that type of 'non-encounter' with someone you used to be so intimate with. That somehow you're strangers again after being closer that you've ever been with anyone else. Just left me shaking my head.


How many times i've thought this. But, much like one of the other posters said in this thread, I just ignore them all. No need to say anything. I have no respect for any of them so even though we share a child there really isn't a need for much of any contact. A few texts or e-mails to pass on information but other than that I stay away. I still won't acknowledge any of them. Guess I'm kind of like my old man in that if I respect someone there isn't a single thing in the world I won't do for them. But once someone screws me over then it's like they don't exist.


----------



## Stretch

Hi everyone,

Well, I got to practice what I preach. Out of the blue, my WAW decided to tell me that she wants to get back together last Thursday.

Great, I find myself in love with another woman, a sense of obligation to my WAW and being ripped apart again.

In my current quandry, I have to retract my previous post about what I would do. I never felt my WAW wanted to hurt me when she decided to leave and I have no desire for vengeance anymore, it is not productive.

Instead, I have to decide whether I can fall in love with my WAW again, since I did not feel romantic love at her revelation rather sympathy for the sincere despair she currently feels, but I did make a promise to her 23 years ago. Or, do I forsake my promise and stay with my gf, a woman who I adore.

I am somewhat of a mystery man here, since I never really shared my story. This is a going to be a tragedy because two people could not communicate. What a mess!

This sucks,
Stretch


----------



## Jellybeans

Wow, I do not envy you, Stretch. So what do you think you will do? How long have you been dating your girlfriend? How long separated from wife? Why did she leave?


----------



## Stretch

My WAW dropped the bomb on me 08/2012 four days before our 22 wedding anniversary. No cheating just me being stubborn and her getting to the point she could not take her unhappiness.

I read everything I could find, and took the NC route. I did small things to let her know I was still thinking of her but no begging/pleading and very little contact as each encounter pumped me up and slammed me down. Worked on myself and sorry to be arrogant, I got pretty hot and still getting better in the non-physical ways (Please excuse the self-esteem builder).

As part of my plan, I was going to re-engage in Nov 2012 giving her the 90 days of space that is typical for regrets to start to appear. On Oct 20, I asked to talk with her, in our talk I told her she should see other people if I was not the man to keep her happy. Gave her a copy of Divorce Busting to read if she wanted and told her if anytime in the future she wanted to see if our marriage could be better than she ever thought it could be, call me.

I met my girlfriend that night as I was doing my GAL 180 work.

My plan stopped and I have been dark ever since. Enjoying the excitement of a wonderful woman.

Email out of the blue last Wed. Desire to meet. Tears, hugs the whole deal. In the meantime both of us have been in relationships now. What a mess.

Let me tell you folks, the 180 really works, cause I managed to fall out of love with my wife, which is making it hard to accept reconcilliation possibility without romantic love in my heart.

Now I am back in research mode. Religious guidance, family guidance, counselor guidance. God has truly created a gut-wrenching plan for me.

More to come, I guess,
Stretch


----------



## Runs like Dog

I would say it's not what you do it's who you are.


----------



## RandomDude

STBX raised her little white flag recently, I told her to move on, nicely of course.

It does bother me sometimes though it seems, I just hate the fact that the only woman I can trust in my life has to be a fking psychopath

Meh


----------



## Runs like Dog

Stop swinging that fire extinguisher at me.


----------



## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby

I have nothing to say to my ex. I'd turn around and walk the other way. He doesn't deserve the time or day for conversation.


----------



## Garry2012

Stretch said:


> My WAW dropped the bomb on me 08/2012 four days before our 22 wedding anniversary. No cheating just me being stubborn and her getting to the point she could not take her unhappiness.
> 
> I read everything I could find, and took the NC route. I did small things to let her know I was still thinking of her but no begging/pleading and very little contact as each encounter pumped me up and slammed me down. Worked on myself and sorry to be arrogant, I got pretty hot and still getting better in the non-physical ways (Please excuse the self-esteem builder).
> 
> As part of my plan, I was going to re-engage in Nov 2012 giving her the 90 days of space that is typical for regrets to start to appear. On Oct 20, I asked to talk with her, in our talk I told her she should see other people if I was not the man to keep her happy. Gave her a copy of Divorce Busting to read if she wanted and told her if anytime in the future she wanted to see if our marriage could be better than she ever thought it could be, call me.
> 
> I met my girlfriend that night as I was doing my GAL 180 work.
> 
> My plan stopped and I have been dark ever since. Enjoying the excitement of a wonderful woman.
> 
> Email out of the blue last Wed. Desire to meet. Tears, hugs the whole deal. In the meantime both of us have been in relationships now. What a mess.
> 
> Let me tell you folks, the 180 really works, cause I managed to fall out of love with my wife, which is making it hard to accept reconcilliation possibility without romantic love in my heart.
> 
> Now I am back in research mode. Religious guidance, family guidance, counselor guidance. God has truly created a gut-wrenching plan for me.
> 
> More to come, I guess,
> Stretch


Your timelines are similiar to mine...a year ago 10/15 i had Dday, filed in Nov, finalized D in July 13. Seeing someone now. So did you ever file? or you were just separated?


----------



## Stretch

Never filed, just separated even though FL does not have legal separation.

WAW said that the finality of the filing schedule in my email caused her to really think about what she wanted. According to WAW, the seed was planted in May 2013, when we were signing refi papers on our house and she noticed a note from my gf in my bedroom and realized I was seeing someone else for sure.

This is really messed up.


----------



## angstire

Stretch, keep on keeping on. Don't settle for R without romantic love; if it's gone, don't settle.


----------



## Garry2012

Personally, although i REALLY miss the unified family life, and HATE the kid sharing crap, I could never, ever, feel the same way about my ex...and would be waiting for the bomb to drop again someday. Besides..im conceited and dont think she comes close to deserving my greatness haha. (jk..not conceited...but she dont deserve me)


----------



## angstire

Nsweet said:


> That's what it makes me think of. Her actions were not genuine and registered as red flags on my sensors.
> 
> When I had an ex that contacted me out of the blue and I just so happened to be in her town at the time, it was like she lit up and had to meet me come hell or high water. Come to find out she married her baby's father and was looking to cheat on him while he was off in Afghanistan. So needless to say I ended that meet up before it ever happened. Pity too, because she was gorgeous!
> 
> I'm very wary about dating in general, especially when it comes to the ones who seem too perfect. I know how mirroring works and I know all the games. I don't trust any woman who comes to me with a pitiful story, because it usually follows with them wanting something... And I've been burned playing hero too many times to fall for the damsel in distress schtick or that crap about *"all the men I date are jerks"* followed by the ego stroking line *"but you're something special"*... Yeah, take it somewhere else sister. I've seen it all before.


Mirroring is not cool. I hope I can see it next time around. I think I've been hurt badly enough, that I will.

For the record of the thread, I would say no thanks, how are you doing? Getting your stuff worked out so you can be with someone else eventually? It's done wonders for me to resolve my pos behaviors.


----------



## angstire

Nsweet said:


> You don't know my story do you? I know all of this because I was married to a female BPD waif who played the very depiction of a damsel in distress.


I was married to one of those too. It sucked I just found out (this summer)


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## Stretch

No more thread hijacking for me. Be strong.


http://talkaboutmarriage.com/reconciliation/129066-hope-divorce-busting-success-story-kind.html


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