# Total Lack of Intimacy



## buxfan (Sep 17, 2010)

Hello all.

I joined the board last week and have been perusing a lot of the threads in this particular topic. I have sort of hit a breaking point with my wife, and I feel like I am on the verge of doing something drastic. I don't have many friends since we moved to Michigan a few years ago, so I don't really have anyone to talk to. So, I am unloading on you guys. Thanks for listening.

We have been married for six years and are both in our early 30's. Sex was really good in the beginning of our relationship, but then really slacked off right around the time of our marriage. Since then, it's been getting worse and worse, averaging once every three months at best. We have two beautiful children (aged 2 years and 4 months - also had a miscarriage inbetween), and my wife likes to joke that everytime we have sex she gets pregnant. Believe me, that honestly feels closer to truth than fiction.

I have tried to talk to her about this several times over the years. But that has always been met with excuses, accusations, and false promises that things will eventually get better. I've grown angry and I am not really sure what I am supposed to do.

Her excuses usually center around some sort of physical or emotional abnormality that keeps her from thinking about sex. Whenever I suggest that she see a doctor or specialist regarding this issue (which seems very serious to me), another excuse arises, stating that it happens to all women. I have never really believed that, and after looking at others' posts on here, I certainly would never believe it.

She often accuses me of not initiating sex, blaming that for the lack of intimacy. It's partly true; I don't initiate as much as once did. But the amount of rejection has probably caused that. I mean, if you were told "no" 9 times out of 10, wouldn't you lose some of the heart to keep trying? My wife puts a pillow between us in bed at night. She claims that it is for comfort, and it may well be. But once that "wall" goes up, I know that sex is not on her mind. So why try?

I find myself more relying more on internet porn. I don't necessarily feel guilty about it, but I would certainly prefer the real thing.

When we do have sex, it certainly isn't great. My wife has never been able to experience an orgasm from intercourse. But we did use to experiment with other things like different positions, oral stimulation, and vibrators. Now it's like she just lays there and waits for me to finish. There is no foreplay and she has no interest in getting herself off.

So, I don't know. I am at my wits end. Her total lack of ability or desire to see this as a true issue has me angry. We're young and sex should be a big and enjoyable part of our lives. Anyways, thanks again for letting me vent.


----------



## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Do you want to vent or do you want to problem solve. Either is fine - they are just totally different goals.



buxfan said:


> Hello all.
> 
> I joined the board last week and have been perusing a lot of the threads in this particular topic. I have sort of hit a breaking point with my wife, and I feel like I am on the verge of doing something drastic. I don't have many friends since we moved to Michigan a few years ago, so I don't really have anyone to talk to. So, I am unloading on you guys. Thanks for listening.
> 
> ...


----------



## CaliRN (Jan 2, 2010)

all the talking and she doesn't take u serious, she is comfortable in the way things are, time for an ultimatum and back it up


----------



## buxfan (Sep 17, 2010)

MEM11363 said:


> Do you want to vent or do you want to problem solve. Either is fine - they are just totally different goals.


Both, really. But truthfully, I am not expecting much more than the standard responses: seek counseling; leave her, etc.


----------



## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Personally, I feel everyone of us, every human deserves to be with a desirous spouse, without that, marraige is reduced to an empty experience. 

She needs to be MORE concerned about how this is affecting you, and that IS the bottom line. Either she needs to take the bull by the horns & search out what she can do to fix this, in making an appointment to see a Doctor who can test her hormones, reading up on the subject of pleasing her husband, or Yes, you will eventually, after enough frustration & resentment, leave her & break up the family, for your own sanity and happiness. 

And that IS understandable, even if some may find it cruel and heartless.


----------



## 76Trombones (Jun 2, 2010)

Maybe she's not into the act of sex. She probably does love you but shows it in other ways (acts of service, verbal affirmation, etc), but you don't see it because your love language is tactile (ie through sex). If you want to stay together the only option is to find out what her love language is and speak to eachother about it. Maybe come to a compromise. Your post gives the impression that you think she's doing this all just to spite you or something. I really doubt that. Its just that you are two different people with different languages. If her love language isn't enough for you then you may have to split up and find someone else whose love language is touch also.


----------



## buxfan (Sep 17, 2010)

76Trombones said:


> Maybe she's not into the act of sex. She probably does love you but shows it in other ways (acts of service, verbal affirmation, etc), but you don't see it because your love language is tactile (ie through sex). If you want to stay together the only option is to find out what her love language is and speak to eachother about it. Maybe come to a compromise.


I wish that there were other ways that she showed that she loved me. In the interest of staying within topic, as this has nothing to do with sex, I will keep it brief. I handle a majority of the cooking, all the laundry, a majority of the shopping, and a lot of the child care. I keep things quiet while she takes her hours-long naps. I clean up after her stupid cats. If there are things that she is doing to show that she loves me, they are secret things that nobody knows about. I love my wife, and I do those things because I love her. So, why can't she do this one thing that I ask of her?



76Trombones said:


> Your post gives the impression that you think she's doing this all just to spite you or something. I really doubt that.


Isn't it *spite* though? From our talks, she knows that I like and want sex, yet she is deliberately withholding. Even with the constant reminders of sex in our culture (television, magazines, music, etc.), she insists that the thought of sex never crosses her mind.


----------



## willzy (Aug 4, 2010)

It (and the rest of your marriage) will get worse not better unless you act now.

Sounds like you need to insist on counselling for you both. I would be very clear and explain that this is a problem which will break the marriage up and it needs to be addressed now. If she refuses to come to counselling then you have a big problem as she is essentially saying I am not prepared to work on the marriage.

To soften this approach I would also suggest that you propose a kind of amnesty period while this gets addressed and resolved. So no pressure on sex from you while you go through counselling.

But you need to act now...

Good luck


----------



## ButterflyKisses (Aug 30, 2010)

buxfan said:


> I handle a majority of the cooking, all the laundry, a majority of the shopping, and a lot of the child care. I keep things quiet while she takes her hours-long naps. I clean up after her stupid cats. If there are things that she is doing to show that she loves me, they are secret things that nobody knows about. I love my wife, and I do those things because I love her. So, why can't she do this one thing that I ask of her?


Could she be clinically depressed?


----------



## ICfan (Sep 21, 2010)

Wow, I am blown away as this is my first time on this site and this is the 1st post I've read and I had to look twice at the user name to make sure I hadn't written this post in my sleep ro something.

I am 43 and my wife is 39 and we have a couple more kids but other than that we are in very similar sitiuations! Now my wife will give me a blow job, maybe once a week as I think she feels guilty for not EVER wanting to have intercourse. Only time that happens is when she wants me to give her oral, which is maybe every 3-4 months and even then she doesn't really care for having sex afterwards.


----------



## buxfan (Sep 17, 2010)

ButterflyKisses said:


> Could she be clinically depressed?


She was supposedly diagnosed with depression before I met her. But during the whole time I have known her, she has never visited a therapist or psychologist and has never taken any drugs. I would really like her to go talk to somebody.


----------



## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

A lot of men don't get to have sex with their wives. I am also confused. Don't women understand that sex is very important for their men? I'm sure they know. But why don't they want to satisfy their husbands. Are they that confident that their husbands won't cheat on them? 
Why don't they enjoy sex?
Have their bodies changed? 
I have all the puzzles I want to figure out!


----------



## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

buxfan said:


> She was supposedly diagnosed with depression before I met her. But during the whole time I have known her, she has never visited a therapist or psychologist and has never taken any drugs. I would really like her to go talk to somebody.


My boss is not depressed, but her husband doesn't get to have much sex from her either. She just pushes him away at night if he wants sex( She told us).
I don't think depression is the issue. They just don't like sex! Why???
I am a woman. I don't even understand why!


----------



## ButterflyKisses (Aug 30, 2010)

buxfan said:


> She was supposedly diagnosed with depression before I met her. But during the whole time I have known her, she has never visited a therapist or psychologist and has never taken any drugs. I would really like her to go talk to somebody.


That in itself could be what's playing a big role in lacking the desire to have intimacy, and to express love to you. You said that your suggestions to her to talk with someone have been met with excuses, but maybe you can get her to agree to counseling with you, as a couple, in a way that would avoid sounding like you're saying 'YOU have a problem and YOU need to talk to someone.' Let her know that you want to do this together.


----------



## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

I go to a Taiwanese discussion forum sometimes. I check the sex section. And I see a lot of young people tell everybody how happy they are. They have a lot of sex together. A lot of young women are telling everybody how many times they want sex a day. 
Does age affect women's sexual desire a lot here? 
I go to a discussion forum for middle aged people. Same thing, a lot of men don't get to have much sex from their wives. A lot of women are not satisfied either. 
I love going to the young people's sex discussion forum. They joke and and make fun of each other. So happy!!!


----------



## ButterflyKisses (Aug 30, 2010)

buxfan said:


> Both, really. But truthfully, I am not expecting much more than the standard responses: seek counseling; leave her, etc.


are you willing to approach this problem together?


----------



## buxfan (Sep 17, 2010)

ButterflyKisses said:


> are you willing to approach this problem together?


Of course.


----------



## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

greenpearl said:


> .
> Does age affect women's sexual desire a lot here?
> I go to a discussion forum for middle aged people. Same thing, a lot of men don't get to have much sex from their wives. A lot of women are not satisfied either.


 Age can have some bearing on our sex drives in general (Men hornier in thier younger years & women hornier in thier late 30's early 40's - if this is the case, it is usually a hormonal thing going on) but everyone is definetly different.

Some women, no matter what their age, do not seem to enjoy the act of sex. Their poor husbands is all I can say. Less to do about age, more to do about the state of the Mind and your hormones working together. 

Just my opioinon.


----------



## ButterflyKisses (Aug 30, 2010)

greenpearl said:


> A lot of men don't get to have sex with their wives. I am also confused. Don't women understand that sex is very important for their men? I'm sure they know. But why don't they want to satisfy their husbands. Are they that confident that their husbands won't cheat on them?
> Why don't they enjoy sex?
> Have their bodies changed?
> I have all the puzzles I want to figure out!


I think there is a wide range of possible reasons for a woman's low or non-existant sex drive. In this case, I think given the signs, that depression is a reasonable place to start in getting to the bottom of it.


----------



## themrs (Oct 16, 2009)

I definitely sounds depressed. I mean, what kind of woman lets her husband handle most of the housework/child rearing while she sleeps? If she's sleeping so much, you'd think she'd have the energy for sex. 

First of all, don't take it personally. I know that's easier said than done, but it's HER - it's not you. 

Second, I don't know how you are going to get her to break out of this funk she is in. I think you should stop doing so much housework and errands and tell her to get up and do somethings too. Work on having some equity outside the bedroom first. You've got to gain some control in this relationship somehow.


----------



## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

themrs said:


> I definitely sounds depressed. I mean, what kind of woman lets her husband handle most of the housework/child rearing while she sleeps? If she's sleeping so much, you'd think she'd have the energy for sex.
> 
> First of all, don't take it personally. I know that's easier said than done, but it's HER - it's not you.
> 
> Second, I don't know how you are going to get her to break out of this funk she is in. I think you should stop doing so much housework and errands and tell her to get up and do somethings too. Work on having some equity outside the bedroom first. You've got to gain some control in this relationship somehow.


Why are a lot of women depressed? Are there a lot of depressed men? They are depressed because they are too bored? Or their life is not the way they wanted? 
I read that if you keep yourself busy all the time, you tend not to be depressed. 
Don't understand them! Life is not that difficult! Just don't compare yourself with others!


----------



## buxfan (Sep 17, 2010)

themrs said:


> I definitely sounds depressed. I mean, what kind of woman lets her husband handle most of the housework/child rearing while she sleeps? If she's sleeping so much, you'd think she'd have the energy for sex.
> 
> First of all, don't take it personally. I know that's easier said than done, but it's HER - it's not you.
> 
> Second, I don't know how you are going to get her to break out of this funk she is in. I think you should stop doing so much housework and errands and tell her to get up and do somethings too. Work on having some equity outside the bedroom first. You've got to gain some control in this relationship somehow.


Thanks *themrs*. You are exactly right.


----------



## ButterflyKisses (Aug 30, 2010)

buxfan said:


> Thanks *themrs*. You are exactly right.


You haven't already asked her to get up and do some things? Has it worked?


----------



## buxfan (Sep 17, 2010)

ButterflyKisses said:


> You haven't already asked her to get up and do some things? Has it worked?


Yes, I have pointed out the inequality in the amount of housework. No, it hasn't worked. She does some things, but a lot less than I think that she could.

I was agreeing with *themrs* because I really do need to gain some control in this relationship somehow. Essentially, I am being taken advantage of and am unappreciated.


----------



## ButterflyKisses (Aug 30, 2010)

buxfan said:


> Yes, I have pointed out the inequality in the amount of housework. No, it hasn't worked. She does some things, but a lot less than I think that she could.
> 
> I was agreeing with *themrs* because I really do need to gain some control in this relationship somehow. Essentially, I am being taken advantage of and am unappreciated.


Yes, you are getting the crap end of the stick. Will you see if you can get her to go to counseling together?


----------



## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

I will say having suffered through this as a husband with my first marriage. . .First Marriages/long relationships have a way of vetting this out in women.

If there is any doubt as to whether a man or woman is sexual, a marriage will vet it out.


----------



## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

The strategy to fix this is to focus on being:
- more attractive and
- less available

More time at the gym kills 2 birds with one stone. Being fun to be around - when you ARE around is important. Being upbeat and playful - but less helpful - can be magic. 

Calmly and firmly lay out a "new" split of household work. Cut it all in half - and then let her "choose" which half she wants. And don't budge. You can't "make" her have sex with you anymore than she can "make" you do more than your fair share of housework.




buxfan said:


> Yes, I have pointed out the inequality in the amount of housework. No, it hasn't worked. She does some things, but a lot less than I think that she could.
> 
> I was agreeing with *themrs* because I really do need to gain some control in this relationship somehow. Essentially, I am being taken advantage of and am unappreciated.


----------



## toolate (Sep 22, 2009)

MEM11363 said:


> The strategy to fix this is to focus on being:
> - more attractive and
> - less available
> 
> ...


So, MEM, being less available works for the man also? It certainly works for me.... perhaps my husband has an abundance of estrogen after all 

Your advice is spot on for what I do to get sex... leave him alone, act non sexual and keep up my appearance.

As for the OP, your wife has become complacent. She sleeps like she does bc she can and you do what she doesnt have to, and maybe she has some depression. I like the idea of the split chores, but you may need to ready yourself for a mess where her chores are for a while at least... you cannot do them if you want this to work, especially after setting it out with her... she would learn even more that she can take advantage of you. 

I have had to cut back on my cleaning as well, bc if Im not getting sex, he isnt doing his part. So, I dont clean unless he is doing his part But, I cannot talk about it either... just leave it undone and let him fume and deal with it inside bc he is well aware by now that he is not allowed to hold that over my head anymore (he used to withhold sex if I didnt pre-make the coffee for the next day!) When he has sex with me, I clean and we are all happy


----------



## buxfan (Sep 17, 2010)

toolate said:


> What works for me, might not work for you bc you are dealing with a woman, not a man. I have to completely act like Im not interested to get sex from my husband. It means he has to work harder to get me interested (bc if I have to act like Im not interested, Im not on sexual alert and not easily turned on either). But, if it gets me sex, Ill do it!


Believe me, over these years of practically-forced abstinence, that is one thing I did try for a little while. However, leaving her alone and assuming that she would come to me had the opposite effect. I think she wants me to not want sex.

Why does this have to be so hard??? I always thought that I would be married to someone with whom I would share a healthy sexual relationship. Why do I need to jump through so many hoops? Why doesn't she care and see this as a problem? Why doesn't she want me to be happy? Why does she want me to suffer? It has almost become an obsession for me. I am so sick of feeling this way; feeling rejected and so horny all the time.


----------



## ButterflyKisses (Aug 30, 2010)

buxfan said:


> leaving her alone and assuming that she would come to me had the opposite effect.


"From the clinical point of view, what is clear is that a depressive illness tends to affect ALL the bodily systems, dislocating them and often slowing them down. This effect is most marked with regard to SLEEP and on any activity that requires verve, spontaneity and good co-ordination. That includes sex. So most people who are depressed tend to lose interest in sex." 




buxfan said:


> Why doesn't she care and see this as a problem?



"People who suffer from depression often feel worthless, helpless, and hopeless about their ability to fix things. They often welcome sleep and experience their waking life as a living nightmare. No matter how hard they try to snap out of it, they feel as though they are falling into an abyss with nothing to hold on to."


----------



## tattoomommy (Aug 14, 2009)

She needs to have sex with you. Period. She is your wife and she is the only person that you should be having sex with, and for her to deny you that and push you towards infidelity is awful. It really breaks my heart. I think she's being extremely selfish in withholding. I will say this though, if she's not thinking about it much, I don't think she ever had sex in a way that makes her want it much. I'm not trying to say that you were bad AT ALL. BUT, think about it this way: in a relationship at the beginning everything is so exciting and new and even bad sex is still good sex because it's exciting. You want to be with this person and the more you do it, the better you'll get. I personally had never had an orgasm until 2 years into my marriage. Now I want it all the time, I don't necessarily get it but that's another discussion in itself. My husband was never bad, I didn't even know what I liked so how could I tell him? Even the most supremely skilled man wouldn't have been able to get me figured out if I hadn't myself. I truly believe that. Whatever the issue is, you guys need to be doing it. When she tells you she doesn't think about it, ask her why. Ask her what she finds attractive. With two kids, I can imagine her mind is on them most of the time and that would make for an awkward moment for sex to pop in the brain. I have a 21 month old, and trust me sex is farthest from my mind when I'm doing stuff with her!! Get her mind off the kids, you do the chores, so she can't blame that one. Once they're in bed talk to her about it. Ask her what would make her think about it. If she clams up or doesn't want to talk about it. Make her. You cannot ignore this part of your marriage. It's so important. Tell her that and tell her how serious it is that you work this out. Keep this in mind too...Sex is not purely procreational- she needs to be aware of that lol. It's supposed to be a lot of fun, why would we have orgasms if it wasn't?!


----------



## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Did "leaving her alone" mean:
1. Not initiating sex AND continuing to make her your highest priority? OR
2. Not initiating sex and slowly deprioritizing her by spending less time together, letting HER say ILY first, letting her come to you for a hug, etc? 

If you stop initiating sex, but go above and beyond on housework, spending time, being loving the message you are sending is that HER needs matter and yours do not. 

Do you know in general what turns her on? Watching racy movies, reading vampire stories, etc? Combining the above with a couple drinks? 

Do you think she really loves you and WANTS to be with you. Or is she with you because a D would disrupt her life/create financial stress for her?



buxfan said:


> Believe me, over these years of practically-forced abstinence, that is one thing I did try for a little while. However, leaving her alone and assuming that she would come to me had the opposite effect. I think she wants me to not want sex.
> 
> Why does this have to be so hard??? I always thought that I would be married to someone with whom I would share a healthy sexual relationship. Why do I need to jump through so many hoops? Why doesn't she care and see this as a problem? Why doesn't she want me to be happy? Why does she want me to suffer? It has almost become an obsession for me. I am so sick of feeling this way; feeling rejected and so horny all the time.


----------



## BigBadWolf (Nov 30, 2009)

First things first.

A woman is only going to be as sexual to her man as he is making her feel.

If you are not making her feel sexual, then no surprise is the sex going to wither up and die.

And talking and speaking and using words and begging and pleading and stomping in the world will never make a woman feel something she is not, nor would most good men be content for a woman to fake feeling something she is not feeling.

So the end result of this course, of negotiating and begging for sex, always misery.

The short answer, stop doing things that are not sexually attractive, and start doing things that are sexually attractive.

These threads are for this same issue so read them when you can:

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/genera...ats-attractive-my-wifes-input.html#post181910

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/mens-clubhouse/16221-how-about-them-apples.html


I wish you well.


----------



## marriagesucks (Sep 24, 2010)

i have a similar story except. It's my husband who doesn't want to have sex. It's about once a month. We are married less than 3 years. He drinks a lot and has gained a lot of weight including a huge belly that has now gotten in the way of having good sex. In fact he is sometimes out of breath and has to stop he is so out of shape because he never exercises. But I will take what I can get. 

We are in our late 40s and no kids. I have always had a healthy sexual relationships in the past. I feel pretty angry and rejected. 

I tried to tell him to stop drinking and focus on his health. He only gets angry and tells me to mind my business. I started focusing on myself, going to the gym and lost weight and look and feel great and confident. I notice him looking and admiring me, and telling me how great I look. Our relationship was actually getting better... except not the sex part. I wonder if he is cheating. We never had problems before and beginning of marriage.

I don't want to live the rest of my life like this. It is not fair. Now I know why men cheat. I really do.


----------



## jmsclayton (Sep 5, 2010)

For women who start entering their 30s their libido increases for while. Then after age 40 it starts to where it either goes back down to not as often or often but not as often as it was in their 20s. As they get older it becomes quality than quantity. It can still happen once a week or something like that but it then becomes again quality than quantity unless the couples knows their bodies etc and knows what turns them on etc -it can be more often than that.

Judith


----------



## tattoomommy (Aug 14, 2009)

BigBadWolf said:


> First things first.
> 
> A woman is only going to be as sexual to her man as he is making her feel.



I halfway agree with this. I think that a woman needs feel sexy without encouragement too though. I personally dont' like relying on what someone else thinks of me in order to boost my own self-esteem. I struggled a lot with only relying on what others felt about my sexuality before I realized it. MY sexuality. I know what I like, I know what I want and I WILL get it. Thankfully, my husband loves that I'm this way and 90% of the time he's great about making me feel good too.

I completely agree with your comment about him needing to do things that are attractive to her. There are many things that my husband does, that the last thing it makes me want is sex. But then there are some things that I can hardly contain myself. I think that's normal and having a healthy respect for each others needs is crucial. You both seem to be missing. Turn it around and put yourself in her shoes. Take the I, Me, My out of the equation for a bit and think only in terms of your wife's needs and wants. You both have needs that need to be filled. You know yours are not, but are hers? Maybe she needs more of a different connection in order to want the sex part of it. Personally, I finally stopped making the two be the same thing. Sometimes I'm so pissed off at my husband the last thing I want is to make him happy, but if I'm horny at the same time, I'll get mine too. I ALWAYS forget why I was mad before lol


----------



## jmsclayton (Sep 5, 2010)

Hi

Buxfan

Have you thought about starting with nonsexual affection first for while in bed and see what happens. I would not stop with no affection at all. I would give her and she will start in return to give it back. It takes time

How is it going

Judith


----------



## PaperFalcon (Sep 16, 2011)

We have plenty of sex in our marriage. Last week we had it 3 times . We've been married for about 4 years now and all I can say is it takes 2 to tango. I know we are young and people love to stereotype the hell out of younger couples, but I don't ever see myself not wanting to give my husband sexual stimulation nor him ever not wanting to give it back. We're a very sexual, intimate couple. 

It is give and take, if one person is doing all of the giving, as what it seems like in your case - then the other person will start to get used to this pattern and sometimes come to the conclusion that their partner doesn't need anything in return. It is sad, but it is how people act. 

If you have communicated your needs to her and it is still falling on deaf ears, definitely consider going to marriage counseling. It could save you guys from a lot of hurt. Otherwise the only alternative would be to leave her. She could very well be depressed, but I don't know with all the excuses she could also just be VERY immature or selfish.

I agree with giving an ultimatum. She needs to seek some help.


----------



## PaperFalcon (Sep 16, 2011)

tattoomommy said:


> i halfway agree with this. I think that a woman needs feel sexy without encouragement too though. I personally dont' like relying on what someone else thinks of me in order to boost my own self-esteem. I struggled a lot with only relying on what others felt about my sexuality before i realized it. My sexuality. I know what i like, i know what i want and i will get it. Thankfully, my husband loves that i'm this way and 90% of the time he's great about making me feel good too.
> 
> I completely agree with your comment about him needing to do things that are attractive to her. There are many things that my husband does, that the last thing it makes me want is sex. But then there are some things that i can hardly contain myself. I think that's normal and having a healthy respect for each others needs is crucial. You both seem to be missing. Turn it around and put yourself in her shoes. Take the i, me, my out of the equation for a bit and think only in terms of your wife's needs and wants. You both have needs that need to be filled. You know yours are not, but are hers? Maybe she needs more of a different connection in order to want the sex part of it. Personally, i finally stopped making the two be the same thing. Sometimes i'm so pissed off at my husband the last thing i want is to make him happy, but if i'm horny at the same time, i'll get mine too. I always forget why i was mad before lol


well put! I agree with this too!


----------



## Sawney Beane (May 1, 2011)

greenpearl said:


> A lot of men don't get to have sex with their wives. I am also confused. Don't women understand that sex is very important for their men? I'm sure they know. But why don't they want to satisfy their husbands. Are they that confident that their husbands won't cheat on them?
> Why don't they enjoy sex?
> Have their bodies changed?
> I have all the puzzles I want to figure out!


Three main possibilities:

1 Despite everything, they really don't know;
2 They know, but don't care enough to do anything about it;
3 They know and like the sense of apparent power it gives.


----------

