# Where do I belong now..



## vivea (Jan 22, 2011)

Not really reconciled not really separated.I'm in such a weird place.I feel like i can't talk about us anymore on here because I understand that you guys are going through a lot more than me now, but I still have big struggles.
I feel like i got so close to all of you that even if there was a place for people like me I don't want to go. 
I guess we can make a small group for these of us who kind of reconciled but still struggle ...me,Dan,anx...not sure if there was anybody else.

Like today i feel so unsure of everything.He called ,said he's going to look for houses again...didn't say ,""hey do you want to help"" that'll be his usual. He doesn't want me to look,i don't know if he wants to take control...which is really weird or just knows that i'll find a house for next month and he desperately wants to postpone the move because he still needs time for himself.
I didn't say anything.... i just sent him an Email telling him that i don't care what kind of house he is getting (very unusual of me) that I only need a small space for photography + Him and the kids and that's it. 
On the phone he keeps saying he wants to be in shape for me(he is in good shape,he's always been) but i don't understand why is this so important to him,I told him that he looks great and if he wants to work out more to do it for himself not for me,i told him that I've always liked the way he looks...

There is still this awkward moments on the phone when there is so much to be said but you can't say it,it's hard because we both keep saying a lot "so-o-o-o" and there is an awkward silence...and i keep trying to think of something to say that is not related to our relationship. I don't know how we are going to keep talking like that until the end of next month let alone if he wants to extend with one more month.


So yeah there are little things like these that bother me highly and I still feel lonely because I'm still not with him.Can't see him ,can't touch him,hug him....It's such a weird place for me...and it's still hard...not as hard as before but still...
Sorry for my rant,hope you all understand what I'm trying to say.


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

Well, there's that "reconciliation" forum..

Actually you are in limbo. You are HOPING and WAITING to reconcile but it hasn't happened yet. I can see how this would be very frustrating. I think you just have to take one day at a time and live your life and wait. Not much else you can do. Your H wants to be with you, which is a good thing, so don't dwell. Enjoy that and have a good time in the meantime. 

As it stands now, you are still separated. So if you like it here, then stay and hang with us who are still here, doing what we do. 

I hereby give you permission to stay here until circumstances change for the better! There you go. Now kiss my ring!

:allhail:


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## vivea (Jan 22, 2011)

> I hereby give you permission to stay here until circumstances change for the better! There you go. Now kiss my ring!


hahahahaha freak you crack me up
Thank you ...amen...lol


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## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

Freak On a Leash said:


> Well, there's that "reconciliation" forum..


yeah, well, there is that.



> As it stands now, you are still separated. So if you like it here, then stay and hang with us who are still here, doing what we do.


yeah, she can hang out with us, she is cool.



> I hereby give you permission to stay here until circumstances change for the better! There you go. Now kiss my ring!
> 
> :allhail:


(off to do some weight lifting.... again!)


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## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

vivea said:


> Not really reconciled not really separated.I'm in such a weird place.I feel like i can't talk about us anymore on here because I understand that you guys are going through a lot more than me now, but I still have big struggles.


Don't be silly, you are part of the family here


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## vivea (Jan 22, 2011)

love you crank 

I just looked at the reconciliation forum,it's dead.People are busy reconciling lol .I will not survive in there...sorry not going anywhere even if you want to kick me out of here.


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## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

vivea said:


> love you crank


back at V



> I just looked at the reconciliation forum,it's dead.People are busy reconciling lol .I will not survive in there...sorry not going anywhere even if you want to kick me out of here.


wouldn't dream of it


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## AmImad (Jan 28, 2011)

Viv,

Seriously girl, never feel like you can't talk! Just because our lives are in Rack and Ruin.. *wails and sobs into her pillow*  we don't stop caring! Heck you guys that R give us hope! 

Don't go anywhere else, I think we have built.. an albeit.. strange little community here.. and whether we R, get a D, or join Cranks Harem.. we still care!!

As for what is going on with your H and what he is going through, there's no way we can answer  we can speculate, but that would be unfair to do so, the only one that can give you the answers you want is him..

He has had a change around from the person he was before, that's a start, like me, I think we expect too much too soon  

*hugs*


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## Babyheart (Feb 9, 2011)

AmImad said:


> Viv,
> 
> Don't go anywhere else, I think we have built.. an albeit.. strange little community here.. and whether we R, get a D, or join Cranks Harem.. we still care!!


Are you TRYING to kill poor Crank??!! 

I was thinking how strange it must be for you V. You really are in limbo. But you have to try to stay positive & just get ready for being back together in May. It seems like he has wised up after losing his mind for a bit. Maybe now things will be way better than ever before. 

We love having ya here


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

vivea said:


> love you crank
> 
> I just looked at the reconciliation forum,it's dead.


Now here's where my cynical part comes in..

"I just looked at the reconciliation forum, it's dead."

My take:

That's because no one is reconciling! Now go check out the "Considering Separating and Divorce" forum. It's hopping like mad! :bounce:

Yeah! Everyone's pissed and miserable. WE are the new world order! Over 50% of marriages end in divorce! We rule! :woohoo::smnotworthy:


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

Crankshaw said:


> off to do some weight lifting.... again!


Well get cracking and do those push ups! I did mine earlier this morning. 

I'll make like a trainer..1..2..3..

.:allhail:


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## Babyheart (Feb 9, 2011)

So glad I checked back - needed a good chuckle!


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

Vivea..Don't get down. Your marriage may yet crash and burn and then you can be like us again. 

You know I'm kidding..I really do wish you the best. But I couldn't resist.


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

vivea said:


> hahahahaha freak you crack me up
> Thank you ...amen...lol


Well, if I can being a little levity into your life then my day is good. 

Now go say 10 Hail Marys and drink some leftover green beer. Have a good day. It's FRIDAY!! :smthumbup:


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## AmImad (Jan 28, 2011)

Maybe there's no one on there, coz they're all making up for lost time!!  know what I'm saying? 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

AmImad said:


> Maybe there's no one on there, coz they're all making up for lost time!!  know what I'm saying?


:rofl::rofl::lol:


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## anx (Nov 30, 2010)

> I just looked at the reconciliation forum,it's dead.People are busy reconciling lol


 True story.

I'm sticking around while there is still stuff to work on. My wife's social work job is borderline traumatic right now, so continuing to work out past issues is off limits M-F and rocking the boat on the weekend when we are getting along and finally get to connect isn't ideal either.

Also, I'm looking for some solace and using this time as a sort of penance for the mess I made of my marriage. 

I'll be here a little bit longer till I burn out, but I feel like I've been able to help a few people.

I was desperate for a reconciliation story when i was going though this all. Not that many people post successes. I hope at least a few people have read my story and it has mattered for them.

Finally, MC and rebuilding trust is HARD. Finding a new way with a spouse is hard when the old way is filled with hurt.

vivea, I also feel like considering and going though D and S is my home for now.


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## vivea (Jan 22, 2011)

Love you guys...seriously we are one pretty amazing group.



> Vivea..Don't get down. Your marriage may yet crash and burn and then you can be like us again.


Freak..lol what about you re-marry and be like me  ...than you can tease me with "well you should have dumped him too and re-marry,it's waaay better to have a fresh start "




> I think we expect too much too soon


AmI..you are so right girl,i have to learn to be patient with him,Gosh it's hard though..i'm sure i feel like that because we're still separated..
Well yesterday he's said that the house that he liked is taken so there is a chance that he likes another one that'll be available for next month ...i hope.



> Maybe now things will be way better than ever before.


babyheart..May be this is why I'm so impatient .I have made a huge changes for myself and i want to see how he responds to me now..i just want him to see the new me and can't wait.I do hope things will be better than before...he does tell me things now that he wouldn't have before so here is a hope that he will not feel the need to lie about things.


The reconciliation forum is dead not because no body reconciles ,it's just that when things become better you don't have the need to share anymore...people tend to share the bad times because it's hard to go through and you need the support ,you don't need people to support you in happy times lol. That's my theory anyways.


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## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

AmImad said:


> Don't go anywhere else, I think we have built.. an albeit.. strange little community here.. and whether we R, get a D, or join Cranks Harem.. we still care!!


oh my god, I did actually laugh out loud just then  xx


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## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

Freak On a Leash said:


> Well get cracking and do those push ups! I did mine earlier this morning.
> 
> I'll make like a trainer..1..2..3..
> 
> .:allhail:


15 reps, 5 exercises, 60kg weights


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## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

Babyheart said:


> So glad I checked back - needed a good chuckle!


good to hear, we all need a good laugh sometimes.


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## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

AmImad said:


> Maybe there's no one on there, coz they're all making up for lost time!!  know what I'm saying?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


more bloody weights


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## AmImad (Jan 28, 2011)

Crankshaw said:


> oh my god, I did actually laugh out loud just then  xx


Glad I could raise a smile! hehe


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## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

AmImad said:


> Glad I could raise a smile! hehe


hehehe, and then I thought, these lovely ladies, awwww, I wish !!!
yeah, even you Freak


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

vivea said:


> Love you guys...seriously we are one pretty amazing group.


We should get this download called "Ventrilo"..or "Teamspeak". What it does is set up a "chat room" where you can actually TALK to each other over a headset over your computer. People use it ALL THE TIME on World of Warcraft for raiding and stuff. I talk to people all over the world on it. It would be rather cool. You download it onto the computer but you need someone to host it and that requires payment. Such a cool thing. 

I guess the next best thing would be a live chat. Or I could just give in and get the damn Facebook and join the rest of world. 




> Freak..lol what about you re-marry and be like me


:slap: REMARRY?? Why don't I just jump off a 60 foot building? It would be FAR less painful :rofl:



> The reconciliation forum is dead not because no body reconciles ,it's just that when things become better you don't have the need to share anymore...people tend to share the bad times because it's hard to go through and you need the support ,you don't need people to support you in happy times lol. That's my theory anyways.


Oh you are probably right but that's not nearly as interesting or humorous.


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

anx said:


> I also feel like considering and going though D and S is my home for now.


Ok, you can stay here too. Now kiss my ring. :rofl:


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## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

Freak On a Leash said:


> Ok, you can stay here too. Now kiss my ring. :rofl:


(more weight lifting)


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## AmImad (Jan 28, 2011)

Freak On a Leash said:


> We should get this download called "Ventrilo"..or "Teamspeak". What it does is set up a "chat room" where you can actually TALK to each other over a headset over your computer. People use it ALL THE TIME on World of Warcraft for raiding and stuff. I talk to people all over the world on it. It would be rather cool. You download it onto the computer but you need someone to host it and that requires payment. Such a cool thing.
> 
> I guess the next best thing would be a live chat. Or I could just give in and get the damn Facebook and join the rest of world.


I have TS and Skype! So I can see ya too  lol Skype is free


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## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

AmImad said:


> I have TS and Skype! So I can see ya too  lol Skype is free


Skype I have used in the past, but TS ???


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

I think that's Teamspeak. Have heard of Skype but don't know much about it. I'm assuming you'd need a webcam for it. My daughter has one she used when she was dating her boyfriend and he moved. They'd communicate via webcam. Didn't last long. I warned her about long distance relationships. At least she learned quickly. 

But the webcam works good. Seeing someone as you talk to them..that would be WEIRD. It's weird hearing them. I never quite got used to it in WoW. It was considered mandatory if you raided in the game and even when they weren't raiding the guild would often hang out in the ventrilo room and just chat. I never did. I prefer typing. 

I'm like that. I have this weirdness about privacy. Hence no FB or pics. I HATE when people take pics of me. Yeah, I'm bizarre.


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## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

Freak On a Leash said:


> I think that's Teamspeak. Have heard of Skype but don't know much about it. I'm assuming you'd need a webcam for it. My daughter has one she used when she was dating her boyfriend and he moved. They'd communicate via webcam. Didn't last long. I warned her about long distance relationships. At least she learned quickly.


Na, don't need a web cam, have had a few times when I was in a group of more than 6 have a group convo over Skype, just headsets, good way for people who live a long way away to get together.



> I'm like that. I have this weirdness about privacy. Hence no FB or pics. I HATE when people take pics of me. Yeah, I'm bizarre.


thats my W, yet she has FB, :shrug:


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## denise1218 (Dec 24, 2010)

Just wanted to let you know how happy I am for you Vivea!! Take each day as it comes!! But you have given me more hope as too not giving up....at least just not yet!!! Best of luck to you!!!!


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