# I cheated on my husband of 2 yrs



## jjohnson0910 (Apr 5, 2011)

Hi,

I am new to this website. My husband is apart of it already. My husband and I were high school sweethearts that were always the on and off again couple. Fast forward 7 yrs to today. We will be married for 2 yrs in June and have 2 beautiful daughters. 

The first full year of our marriage was good. I was pregnant with our first daughter (who we didn't prevent the pregnancy but we weren't trying either) and she came. Life got a little more difficult because I was taking care of her, living at my in-laws house, my husband was always working and my MIL was stepping over her "grandma" boundaries more than once and my husband did not stand up for me until it got closer to us moving out. Three months after our first child was born, we found out that I was pregnant again. With this pregnancy I felt completely different. I was not happy to be pregnant, I was dreading everything to do with being pregnant. In fact I hated it. I tried telling my husband how I felt or anyone at that how I felt and everyone told me just give it time it will go away. It never did. When we had our first ultrasound (mind you, I was on Birth Control when we found out I was pg) I cried afterwards because I wanted it all to be a mistake. Fast forward 6 months to the baby being born. I was happy she was healthy but I was not ecstatic to have another baby. I wanted to have some time for the first baby by herself before even thinking about having another child. 

I kept trying to talk to my husband about feeling different about this one but he kept telling me that I was crazy and everything will be fine. So we were living with our friend (husband's best friend) when this was all happening. Well our friend and I started talking more and more because I was working all the time, cleaning, and taking care of the girls while my husband was out talking with the neighbors on the porch or playing his Xbox. So our friend and I started getting to be better friends. I never thought him as anyone more than a friend. Someone I could talk to because my husband and I were barely talking (I found out recently that he resented me for working and it was on the verge of hating). 

So one night after coming home from seeing my family, I was frustrated over somethings my mom and I were arguing about so I had some beers with our roommate/friend and things got out of hand. We were watching some TV and just chatting. I was not even thinking about considering doing anything with him. So he went outside for a smoke then came back in sat down by me and kissed me. We made out for a few secs and then my oldest daughter woke up so I went to put her back to bed while we texted back and forth. He texted me saying come outside of your door. So I did and he was standing in the hallway in his boxers. He then walked behind me and pushed me into his room and we preceded to get physical. My daughter woke up a few secs into us starting which we stopped I went to put her back to bed and I went to bed myself. 

The next night I kissed him and we had sex again. Meanwhile my husband and I had a talk about either getting a divorce or trying to work things out. We had gone on a date and talked then had sex. A few days later, I had gotten drunk with a friend and I stupidly sexted the OM. About a week later I had received a phone call from a neighbor saying she knew what was going on and I had to come clean to my H otherwise she was going to tell him. So I decieded I was going to tell my H everything the next day. Well 5 mins after I got off the phone with her my H calls me and tells me I have to tell him what the "h" is going on and to come clean. So that night he came home from work early and took the girls to his parents house and was there for little over a week. 

Fast forward to today. We are working things out. A lot of our problem is communication. We have none. I was never good at communicating things growing up because my parents were never around for me so I was journaled. I do regret every day what I did. My H is the best person I have ever met. I love him with all my heart. I do not know how I could have ever done this to him.


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

jjohnson0910 said:


> Well 5 mins after I got off the phone with her my H calls me and tells me I have to tell him what the "h" is going on and to come clean. So that night he came home from work early and took the girls to his parents house and was there for little over a week.


I'm confused. Did you come clean or not? If you didn't, you must. 

Is OM living with you guys still? OM needs to go, if that is the case. No contact with him must be instilled. You say he's your husband's best friend but he's no "friend." He's a snake. So he needs to be cut out of your lives permanently if you have any chance at saving your marriage.

You need to be totally transparent w/ your husband and acknowledge how messed up what you did was. Apologize sincerely. Go to MC, ask him what he needs to you and stick by it.


----------



## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

jjohnson0910 said:


> A lot of our problem is communication.


Well that, and your vigorous repeated sexual intercourse with other men. Maybe that's cruel of me but I have a hard time with people who frame THEIR infidelity as an 'our' problem.


----------



## Shooboomafoo (Mar 30, 2011)

We dont communicate?
Sorry, Ive heard the same thing as a textbook offering of why there was a complete dump of the moral compass.
Communication may allow you to talk through you problems with each other, but boinking some other dude is no "communication" problem, its a complete lack of self control, it was vindictive, it was punishing him and the circumstances you were in.

It is so sad to hear this. Just know that your H, will never be free of this in his mind. He may find a way to forgive and to work through it, but will always ALWAYS remember.


----------



## justbe (Mar 19, 2011)

Runs like Dog said:


> Well that, and your vigorous repeated sexual intercourse with other men. Maybe that's cruel of me but I have a hard time with people who frame THEIR infidelity as an 'our' problem.


nice post


----------



## Tourchwood (Feb 1, 2011)

I agree with justbe

amazing you remembered an event about your husband such as " setting on the porch talking to neighbor and playing xbox"
you are giving yourself a dum excuse for cheating. 
if every wife going to cheat on her husband because he is playing xbox then all of the country will divorced and all women will be cheaters. 
a husband has feelings as well but we hide them, as full time husband and worker. I have work stress and depression, we always tend to think about out family future and security, also going through emotional stress when we get married, its like a woman PMS but its daily for the guy which we tend to hide it and no talk about it. 
I have no clue how the heck he took you back ( with my respect to the forum reader) you intended that to happen, first night kiss, then partial physical, second night you went to him for full physical, therefore you had a time to think about what you did.

be honest with yourself, why did you do it?


----------



## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

Ok people,

JJ was bold enough to go on this forum knowing full well her mistakes. While you may not agree with her actions, she is still looking for help and assistance from us. Who better to help her understand the side of the loyal and give her perspective on how to help and heal her marriage than us? If she wasnt looking for help and perspective she never would have joined the site.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Bigwayneo (Jan 22, 2011)

alphaomega said:


> Ok people,
> 
> JJ was bold enough to go on this forum knowing full well her mistakes. While you may not agree with her actions, she is still looking for help and assistance from us. Who better to help her understand the side of the loyal and give her perspective on how to help and heal her marriage than us? If she wasnt looking for help and perspective she never would have joined the site.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:iagree::iagree:


----------



## JazzTango2Step (Apr 4, 2011)

Councelling. Thats all the advice I can give. I'm so apalled at this woman that I can't fathom taking her actions into consideration to give apropriate advice. 

It seems as though she is a drama queen. If something isn't happening, she will make something happen. If something is happening, she will purposefully do something to make it worse then either play the victim, or shout I'M SO SORRY.

Well, *I'M* sorry. I've known a few girls like this and they just want the attention, not the advice, and I won't waste my time on it other than to say:

You are HURTING your children and HURTING your husband. Knock it off and stop complaining. You know what you're doing. Stop acting stupid. 

Go see a therapist.


----------



## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

This is all wrong. Something feels dirty/strange about it. Curious why are you here specifically? You know there are obviously a bunch of sites just like this one where you could anonimously tell your story and get unbias opinions and guidance... 

I think anyone that regularly comes here for support and counsel knows exactly who your H is... I'm trying to wrap my head around this... 

DS's are already squarely in the cross hairs when they come into an environment that is largely made up of people that are victims of this horrible life changing event... You add the dynamic of additional bias because some of us know who your H is (and that he's reading this) and lack of any anonimity... It seems... I don't know... odd? 

I personally would like to offer some help if I understand better... Is this your way of jumping on the grenade to prove to your H what your willing to endure to show him your genuine remorse?

With all due respect, Please explain...


----------



## JazzTango2Step (Apr 4, 2011)

Drama queen of a family who deserves better.

And I don't even know her husband.

She just wants attention.


----------



## Bigwayneo (Jan 22, 2011)

Okay guys. She is here looking for help, and all of this negative, tongue lashing, mean comments are not helping. I asked her to get some help (she knows she needs it) besides just her therapists. Though I told her she should use another site, she wanted to use this one. Am I dumb for this? Maybe a little. But as others have said, she needs to work on things if she really wants us to work out. I would appreciate it, if you have horrible things to say, just take it to another thread. I am hoping AC, Jellybeans, and others can give her advice and she can get posts that help out versus junk. 

I was not going to post on her threads, and maybe even leave the site for a while to let her have some time. I came on here to read (make sure she did not just lie upfront) and noticed all the crap and had to post something.

Edit to add-I noticed its new members dishing out negative comments. (Not saying she might not deserve bits of it) But, you can tell the new ones just from how they respond.


----------



## Again71 (Mar 31, 2011)

JazzTango2Step said:


> Councelling. Thats all the advice I can give. I'm so apalled at this woman that I can't fathom taking her actions into consideration to give apropriate advice.
> 
> It seems as though she is a drama queen. If something isn't happening, she will make something happen. If something is happening, she will purposefully do something to make it worse then either play the victim, or shout I'M SO SORRY.
> 
> ...



I agree!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

*PLEASE STOP THIS!.*

Husband of JJohnson, 

Do you really know what your doing here? This is not going to be productive if your end goal is to reconcile your marriage...

Seriously. 

I can't tell you the panic I feel inside me about this... and it's panic for you and your marriage...

If you guys have thought this through and have a "plan" where this brutal lynching your WW is about to endure has real value _please_ share it... 

Dude, I'm telling you this _is not a good idea._


----------



## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

JJ,

Therapy should help you with the communication issue. In reality, just start talking, really. Let it all out. Let it flow. Things cant get worse. Plus, the more you talk, the more easy it becomes.

You really need to find out what the hole is in your marriage that is making you lonely inside. If this isnt fixed, you may just end up repeat offending. Or divorced. Read some books, like the 5 love languages, or maybe his needs, her needs. YOU need to figure out what you are missing. Then let your SO know how to help.


Its nice that the two of you are trying to work this out. Best wishes.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lazarus (Jan 17, 2011)

Start communicating with your husband and stop communicating via sex with other man.

He took advantage of you, particulary if as you say "he pushed you into the room". However, you wanted it too since you went back for more and to do this with your children around was terribly dangerous, selfish and foolish of you. 

Have you any idea of the pain and hurt a person endures when left dealing with the anguish of betrayal?

If you want to save your marriage you both better start communicating properly and rid yourself of the other man. 

If your husband wants you back consider yourself very fortunate. You will have to work hard very hard from losing him completely. You need help. Counselling or a pastor service to sort out your feelings towards your unwanted child.

Your accommodation situation is very difficult for you, your husband and children. Is there no way you can get a place of your own using some charity, if possible to help you out?

It is nice to know that you both want to work out your feelings and keep your family together. Showing remorse is good. Some loyal spouses never get that chance or even an opportunity to discuss anything, how the affair came about, no closure, nothing. The DS has the whole picture, the BS left with just pieces like an unfinished jigsaw with no picture; hence the reason why it is important for a LS to ask questions so they can decide for themselves what action is necessary and what they are prepared to live with.

Good luck. Cherish your husband. Feel grateful he is prepared to work things through and he in turn should listen to your concerns to make life better for you both and the family. Otherwise you and your family face a harrowing life of uncertainty ahead.


----------



## jjohnson0910 (Apr 5, 2011)

First, yes I did come clean. Second, no he is not living with us anymore and we have cut him out of our lives completely.


----------



## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

Besides the obvious self destructiveness about the way you cheated, you also have another couple of problems.

1. You may have postpartum depression. Get checked out for that. Two babies right in a row and you hating being pregnant is a tip off.

2. STOP drinking booze. especially if either of your children are being breastfed. You are damaging their health.


----------



## jjohnson0910 (Apr 5, 2011)

I am seeing a counselor at the moment and my children are not being breastfed. I was not able to produce enough for them. Also, my husband and I both have decided not to drink unless we are together and the children are gone.


----------



## pidge70 (Jan 17, 2011)

All I have to say to you is this, I truly hope you guys can work it out. Happiness IS a choice, something I had to learn in therapy. I'm not going to judge you....for one, I have no right...two, well, it isn't my place.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

jjohnson0910 said:


> Hi,
> 
> I am new to this website. My husband is apart of it already. My husband and I were high school sweethearts that were always the on and off again couple. Fast forward 7 yrs to today. We will be married for 2 yrs in June and have 2 beautiful daughters.
> 
> ...


It seems that a perfect storm was present when you chose to cheat on your H. As another poster mentioned, post postpartum depression may have played a part, marital problems, alcohol, *an available man who initially served as an emotional safety valve from your daily stressful life*, and your sexual attraction towards him. Yes sexual attraction because you didn't just have sex with OM one time but twice two nights in a row, sexted him another night, and would have probably continued having sex with him if your female neighbor had not threatened you with exposing the truth to your H.

It would also seem that you need to develop healthy friendships with young married women who, like yourself, are mothers of small children, with whom you can relate on many levels.

Your story is another example of what the late Dr Shirley Glass PhD wrote in her book 'Not Just Friends'. I highly recommend you read the book so that you can see that you are not alone when it comes to good people making very bad choices when they start on the slippery slope of crossing marital boundaries.

I wish you and yours the best of luck.


----------



## calif_hope (Feb 25, 2011)

_Posted via Mobile Device_

Unless your counselor has a MD behind his/her name your are not getting all the help you need. I would bet Post Pardium Depression. You need to get checked for this, can wreak havoc with your body and you mind. No shame in getting proper help via properly prescribed drugs. Sometimes just talking about it does not resolve the issues at hand.


----------



## jjohnson0910 (Apr 5, 2011)

I will look into that book, thank you. Yes the counselor has an MD, i was referred to him by my ob. Also, I am taking zoloft for depression.


----------



## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

Ok, I guess...

I am curious and I dont remember anyone mentioning... How did this neighbor know? If you had sex with this person a couple times in a 48 hour peiod of time and I assume it was inside the house... how would this person be aware of what was happening?


----------



## Eva Joly (Apr 6, 2011)

It sounds to me that you need to sit down with your husband and just talk about how you feel. Do you really want to be together? Or is it just because of your past that you want things to work out, maybe the time has come to accept that you do not belong together...


----------

