# My wifes betrayal



## Mustang1968

I have been married for 31 years. We dated for 4 years before that. I have been with this woman all of my adult life. We were each others first. Last year I received a message on Facebook from a stranger saying that my wife had an affair with her husband years ago and that my wife was continuing to try to contact him. This was so far fetched that I showed it to my wife. She denied the entire thing and said the woman must be mistaken. When I went back to read the post again it had been removed and so I put it in the back of my mind and attributed it to mistaken identity. This June while on vacation I received an email from this person telling me that my wife had an affair and that she would like to speak to me about it. She told me that she had tried to contact me through Facebook but my wife had blocked her. When I checked my blocked senders list she had indeed been blocked. The only person that could have done this was my wife. My wife again denied it and said the woman must be crazy. I started doing some research on this person to find out who she was, who her husband was, and why she would do this. I also did an internet search on my wife and through some detective work found a profile for her on an adult dating web site. The profile said she was looking for something discrete, preferably during the day, someone she could share some quiet time with. When I confronted her with this she admitted that it was her but that she had never done anything wrong. She even cried. Several years ago a genital wart appeared on me. I went to our family doctor (who was also my wife's doctor and knew our history) and he told me it was a wart without explaining that it was caused by a sexually transmitted disease. I did some online research and found it was caused by HPV. I went to my doctor(our old doctor had retired) and he confirmed that it was caused by HPV. I asked if there were any other explanation other sexual transmission and he told me there was not. I went home and confronted my wife and she admitted to the affair but that it had happened years ago and that he was the only one. I demanded access to her emails and phone. I continued to find things that pointed to additional affairs which she denied. She had deleted her account on the online dating site and so I couldn't see her communications through that site. The woman who had originally informed me of the affair emailed me some additional information. She said my wife had told her husband about several other men she had slept with one being a cop in a local jurisdiction. I found contact information in her email account for a man with an email address ending in .gov. I looked up his work number and called him. I told him that my wife had admitted to the affair and I just wanted to confirm the information she had given me and he admitted that they had slept together years earlier and their affair had ended eight years ago. I felt like I couldn't breath. I went home and called my wife to tell her not to come home. She asked why and I mentioned the name of the cop that I had spoken to and asked if I needed to say anything else. She asked if we could talk about it and came home. She finally admitted that she had hooked up with at least ten men through chat rooms and the online dating site. She had unprotected sex with these men. She had participated in oral vaginal and anal sex with them over the course of these affairs. She tells me that these affairs all ended years ago but at this point she has lied so much that I can't believe anything she says. Her sister had an affair three years ago and my wife was very judgmental about it. I told her she was a hypocrite. She says she loves me and doesn't want me to leave her. She cries alot and tells me how sorry she is and how she never meant to hurt me. My life is a wreck right now. My work is suffering, I can't sleep, I haven't decided yet whether or not to divorce her. I am going to seek counseling and put off any decisions until I have calmed down and can make a rational decision. I needed an outlet. I haven't told anyone else about this. Just looking for some guidance and advice.


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## hereinthemidwest

I feel for you right now. I really do. I was in your shoes 4.3 years ago. I was married 26 years. It's hard. Let your emotions subside then decide. Keep on this forum and read. It HELPS a lot. You are not alone. Hugs


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## GROUNDPOUNDER

First off, I'm sorry that you are here. Many others will be along shortly to help.

File for divorce. You don't have to go through with it, but file as soon as you can. Your wife needs to know that you mean business.

Tell your wife that you will not even discuss staying married until she takes and passes a polygraph.

You don't know everything yet. Even if she agrees to take the poly, she will be telling you more and more up to the poly test day.

If she says it's 10 men and 30 times, it probably more like 20 men and 60 times. Be prepared for how bad it could be.


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## Chaparral

Be sure you find a counselor that is qualified to treat PTSD. You are being extremely traumatized and abused.

Your wife, by definition is a serial cheater, that cant be fixed. She is simply not all there.

Google serial cheater and go from there.

Exercise and see your MD for temporary help, SOONER rather than later.

Good luck.


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## TRy

Mustang1968 said:


> Last year I received a message on Facebook from a stranger saying that my wife had an affair with her husband years ago and that my wife was continuing to try to contact him.


 It has been confirmed that this stranger was telling the truth when she told you that your wife had an affair with her husband. It has been confirmed that this stranger was telling the truth when she told you that there were other men that your wife cheated with and that your wife was a serial cheater. This stranger has proven to be telling the truth and is telling the truth when she says that your wife is still trying to contact the stranger's husband (your wife's affair partner). Your wife just deleted her profile on a dating site after you discovered it. Cheaters lie. Your wife is a proven cheater and a proven liar. Your wife is lying when she says that her cheating with other men ended years ago. 

I am sorry that you are here. You did nothing to deserve this. You are both 50%-50% responsible for your marriage but your wife is 100% responsible for her cheating. I say this because following the cheaters script, she will be trying to falsely blame you for her cheating shortly (this is called blame shifting).


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## bryanp

I am so sorry for you. You have been horribly betrayed. Your wife has been with at least 10 different men constantly putting your health at risk for STD's. She did not even have the decency to use protection for her sake and especially your sake. 

I think it is fair to assume that there also had to be times that she was with her various affair partners during the day and then be intimate with you when you came home from work. Your marriage has been one big lie.

I would strongly suggest divorce and expose this to people you feel need to know. If the roles were reversed do you honestly think that your wife would be so accepting and forgiving as you have been? Your wife has already given you an STD. How much more humiliation and disrespect are you willing to endure?

Your wife is crying and saying how sorry she is. I am sure she is very very sorry ......that she got caught! Her actions clearly show that she has absolutely no respect for you or your marriage and clearly played you for a fool which was her mistake. If you do not respect yourself then who will? Good luck.


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## Jasel

Pull the plug on that marriage with both hands. Sorry for what you're going through


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## user_zero

- Get test for the STD's
- Talk with a lawyer to know your rights
- Talk with an IC
- If you have a close friend or family member that you can talk about this with , go ahead call them , meet them , talk with them.
- if you have joint account , credit card or something take care of them. make sure she can't mess you financially.
- if you can leave work for a few days, do it. if not tell your boss about your situation. yes I know its embarrassing but trust me this way they can help you by lowering work hour or something.
- use VAR's every time you interact with your wife. she can't be trusted.
- if she ever threaten to harm herself or anything like that, inform her family.
- expose the affair to everyone (family , friends , ...) it helps a lot trust me. if they hear it from your wife, she would probably downplay the whole thing.
- you didn't said anything about children. if you have any, they have to know why you are divorcing.

whatever you do , just remember you didn't deserve this. there is no way you could be responsible for her screwed-up decisions. BELIEVE that YOU DESERVE BETTER THAN THIS. take care of yourself. Good Luck.

PS : I want to say to end your marriage at this point would be the best choice, but I'm sorry to say that I doubt you had any marriage.


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## PamJ

I agree with Groundpounder and user_zero. In your case it's not even drastic to start divorce proceedings considering the depth of her deception and her blatant disregard for you and your health and safety, not to mention your heart.


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## the guy

The best thing you can do is take the time and think about the investment and history who both have.

Work with her and if you can stomach the details ask her for a time line...Mrs.the-guy betrayed me for 13 years w/20 OM it took her a few days.

You are not alone!

I needed to know who and what my old lady had become and in her remorse she told me a lot mostly everything ...but it did take days.


I suggest you promise not to hold anything against her and ask her a question in the morning (one question) and tell her you want to talk later in the evening.

Also start lifting weights it helped me very much.

I fell your pain as I have went thru 23 years of marriage and 13 of them were full of lies.

My I suggest you go to your favorite restaurant and get your favorite meal to go...this will give you something to bite on and put food in your belly. it won't be much but when you can't eat ,its something.

3 years ago when I was going thru this crap I had a mantra which helped feel free to use it...."I diserve good things" I repeated this a million times a day..."I diserve good things".
This saying got me thru the mind movies and in the evening when she would talk about Mrs. the-guys adultory life style I would think to my self "I deserve good things" while hearing such painful thing from her with regard to who, what, and when.

You will get thru this with or with out your old lady, but you must show her how confident you are and never cry in front of her...chick dig confident men .....show her you can and will never share her again and you demand her to do the heavy lifting to save *her* marriage...cuz yours is over.

I hope you guys can work it out, many have even me, but my old lady had the submission in her to help me heal.

So yes take your time and decide what you want after the details you may find it a deal breaker, but in the end you will see how broken she was and may decide to help her if she helps her self.

In short;
#1 take the time you need
#2 find out what you actually married to
#3 work out, lift weights and never show her how weak your really are
#4 trust but verify


If your wife doesn;t mind being in cheater prison and you being a cheater police guard you can get thru this.

My point again is your old lady has to be completely transparent, no more going out alone(only with you), and accounts for her were abouts all the time, check in often, and start building what she tore down....

Or you can just kick her out and start over! chancing fins another chick that will screw you over.


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## the guy

Its not what knocks us down that matters, it how we get back up that counts!

the-guy with the cheating wife


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## the guy

user_zero said:


> - Get test for the STD's
> -.


Has one already...sorry to say!


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## the guy

user_zero said:


> -
> PS : I want to say to end your marriage at this point would be the best choice, but I'm sorry to say that I doubt you had any marriage.


I wish it was that easy.
after 31 years they had something


She is broken and if his old lady can affair proof the marriage and get help...that 31 years may not have been a waste.

again she is broken and we don't know the while story...maybe he was the best husband in the world or maybe he beat her...who knows.

But OP needs to find out the why...WW must find out the why...
What sucks donkey penis is even if OP was the best H in the world his old lady will rewrite the history of the marrriage and play the blame game to justify her behavior.


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## user_zero

the guy said:


> Has one already...sorry to say!


he found this one because the symptoms were obvious. there are other std's he should check for.


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## VeryHurt

I have been married for 30 years and my husband also cheated for many years. The feelings of betrayal are horrible.

Please don't overreact right now. Think twice and act once. 

Try to find a reliable therapist and start therapy as soon as possible. There is no way you can handle this by JUST talking with family/friends and posting on TAM.

Take care of yourself. I wish you the very best.

VH


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## the guy

user_zero said:


> he found this one because the symptoms were obvious. there are other std's he should check for.


:iagree:

More importantly is OP old lady go and get a STD test and a poly graph and a DNA for the kids (if they have any)....


All of this is to show WW that there are consequences for her actions and one of the bigest is WW facing the fact that you husband now questions her about the father of her children.

Point here is the WW must face these consequences to see how phucked up she caused things.

Granted her getting a STD test is humiliating, but when Op question her own kids w/ a DNA test..that stings!!!!

So even if the kids are and always be his, the tactic in a DNA test takes her adultory to the core of it all.

So in short *she* take the STD test also.....again part of the heavy lifting I mentioned earlier.

also I wonder how many "morning after pills" WW took? Mine took them twice...no abortions, but there were scares.

Another point I'm making is before we all shout divorce, Op needs to find out what he is *now* dealing with in a wife. The divorce talk will shut her down, and I think he needs answer and in order to do that he needs to play it cool for now and play her for some info.

Granted WW lie and can;t trust but then again it just might be time after all these years to get the monkey off her back and come clean to her husband...it happened to me!


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## Rugs

You are certainly not alone. A lot of us are or were married to serial cheaters. 

You must be in total shock. It's truly a horrible experience.

When I found out my husband was a serial cheater, I knew I could not stay with him. If I was going to be miserable, I would add in divorce and get on with things as soon as I could. It is extremely difficult with young children. I am hoping your children (if any), are grown.

Don't listen to her crying and begging. She had NO regard for your health all these years. My god, you both could have HIV. This is a very bad betrayal and there is no excuse at all for the position she has put you in.

I think you need to distance yourself as much as possible from your highly disturbed wife. You will most likely benefit from individual counseling. I am really sorry for you.

I know I am a stranger and you love your wife but she is an awful person to have done his to you.

See a doctor for some anxiety or sleep medication if you need it. Don't let your wife see you cry. Stay away from her and get a Good lawyer.


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## zookeeper

Can't imagine why anyone would want to reconcile with a spouse who did something like this. Who cares if she can be faithful from here on out? He will never be able to erase the knowledge of what a selfish, thoughtless, disrespectful, irresponsible, lying pig she is at heart. No one desreves to carry that burden in a relationship. 

Divorce her swiftly and don't look back. You will be much better off alone than with such a wretched piece of trash. And yeas, she will be blaming you for her betrayal before long. Mark my words. 

Start building a new life today and fill it with people who have integrity. Life is too short to squander a minute with toxic people. You can do it.

Good luck.


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## the guy

zookeeper said:


> Who cares if she can be faithful from here on out?
> Good luck.


Maybe Mustang1968 does?
We haven't heard from him since his 1st post.

Maybe he was getting laid on a regular bases and keep the house clean and gave a good BJ....maybe things were good in all this time...maybe she was a good friend...hell maybe he was a wife beater.....

We need more info before we all jump to the divorce chant.

Sure if she was an evil b1tch and OP got nothing from her for years then ya I'll jump on board the D bandwagon...but we still don't have the whole story.

IDK zookeeper... imagine this....I married a dirty little tramp, so what did I expect from Mrs. the guy? I'm wired different then most. So when I did the crap I did, I took that into consideration when I fogave her.

So thats why I took someone like OP WW back.

This isn't some 5-7 year marraige there is alot of history....none of which OP has mentioned, beside it being 31 years.


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## Mustang1968

My wife was diagnosed with panic disorder in 1992. She hasn't worked outside the home since then. I paid for a housekeeper to clean the house. I have never raised a hand to her and rarely raised my voice. She was diagnosed with cancer in 2005 and I went with her to all of her treatments. I couldn't bear the thought of losing her. She works out of our home running a small business but has never made enough to talk about. I asked if she paid for the hotel rooms when she met these men and she told me that sometimes she paid half but would use her own money when she did. She says that she isn't that person any more and that she quit on her own to be a better person and a better wife.. I found out that she has had regular phone conversations with one of her lovers since the affair. He live out of state now but from the phone bills they regularly call each other. I'm not perfect. I don't claim to be but I have provided her with everything she wanted these past 31 years.


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## zookeeper

the guy said:


> Maybe Mustang1968 does?
> We haven't heard from him since his 1st post.
> 
> Maybe he was getting laid on a regular bases and keep the house clean and gave a good BJ....maybe things were good in all this time...maybe she was a good friend...hell maybe he was a wife beater.....
> 
> We need more info before we all jump to the divorce chant.
> 
> Sure if she was an evil b1tch and OP got nothing from her for years then ya I'll jump on board the D bandwagon...but we still don't have the whole story.
> 
> IDK zookeeper... imagine this....I married a dirty little tramp, so what did I expect from Mrs. the guy? I'm wired different then most. So when I did the crap I did, I took that into consideration when I fogave her.
> 
> So thats why I took someone like OP WW back.
> 
> This isn't some 5-7 year marraige there is alot of history....none of which OP has mentioned, beside it being 31 years.


31 years of history is all the more reason for his wife to have treated him with respect and not have betrayed him in such a way. Multiple times. Lied and deceived him to cover it up. If he was a wife beater or otherwise terrible husband, why did she screw at least 10 men and then stay married to him all this time? If he was abusive, the acceptable course of action is to leave him, not cheat and cheat and cheat (oh and bring him an STD) lie and and cheat some more.

Also, are you really implying that there is a way to be a good enough spouse that cheating becomes an acceptable and forgivable pastime? I'll never be on board with that. 

It is safe to assume that he has not gotten the whole truth. There are probably more men, more recently and perhaps it continues to this day. She did not come to him and proactively come clean, she was caught red handed, admitted the least she could, swore that was all and then he found more evidence. Trickle truth at its best. She is a serial cheater. I see nothing redeemable about that. 

Whatever you did in your life is great if it made you happy. If you chose to excuse her betrayal because you did something else wrong, that's your business. I hope it worked out for you. Keep in mind that if you look hard enough you'll find someone who survived a car crash because he _wasn't_ wearing his seatbelt. It can sound compelling, but it is a statistical outlier, not an endorsement for not wearing seat belts. 

Most people I know value trust in their marriage more highly than anything else. Even cheaters are devastated when they find out that their spouse cheated on THEM! A one-time moment of weakness at a particularly vulnerable point that is proactively confessed to before it is discovered? I doubt highly that I would reconcile but I can understand why someone else would. Serial cheating that is only partially admitted to after confrontation with irrefutable evidence? No way on Earth.


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## LongWalk

Hard to imagine the power dynamics after R. Does WW become a meek creature who says "Yes, dear", all the time?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## zookeeper

Mustang1968 said:


> My wife was diagnosed with panic disorder in 1992. She hasn't worked outside the home since then. I paid for a housekeeper to clean the house. I have never raised a hand to her and rarely raised my voice. She was diagnosed with cancer in 2005 and I went with her to all of her treatments. I couldn't bear the thought of losing her. She works out of our home running a small business but has never made enough to talk about. I asked if she paid for the hotel rooms when she met these men and she told me that sometimes she paid half but would use her own money when she did. She says that she isn't that person any more and that she quit on her own to be a better person and a better wife.. I found out that she has had regular phone conversations with one of her lovers since the affair. He live out of state now but from the phone bills they regularly call each other. I'm not perfect. I don't claim to be but I have provided her with everything she wanted these past 31 years.


My heart breaks for you. I understand it is hard to face this devastating truth. Are you able to face the fact that she may be cheating up to this very day? That wouldn't really matter to me (she would be out when I learned of the very first kiss) but maybe it does to you.


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## Fleur de Cactus

Sorry you are here. Your wife lied to you and your marriage was a lie. I dont see that crying changes anything, she is a cheater and she will not change. They are fake tears! think about the facebook, the online dating, the hotel rent, using her own money??? that money was not supposed to help he family??? this woman cannot change. Find professional counseling for you. Also get test for more STD. Sorry you have to go through this.


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## Acabado

She still had the dating profile
She was still reaching that OM you were informed first
She's still talking with a different OM

She never stopped.
You still have no more than the tip of the iceberg.

Have her write a timeline of all her transgression (she cant remember all) and then force her to take a poly to back up the info.
I garantee you more disclosures, she can't possibly remember the countless OMs she had sex with let along the ones she never let go that far as having sex.

If she had a pannic disorder she sure managed to keep it while going to hotels. It's more than likely she brought home many of them.


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## the guy

You sound like a good man.
Go get these 2 books "No More Mr. Nice guy" and "Married Mans Sex Life".
BTW, MMSL has nothing to do with sex.
Another book that helped me was "After The Affair".

Start educating your self, it helped me deal and heal.

She needs to write a NC letter to the OM she still contacts. This letter must include how bad the OM is and how bad she is for betraying such a good husband, making a statement in how much better of a man her husband is versus what a vampire the OM is. The no contact letter must include how much better you are and make no apology for "breaking up" OM.

The NC letter isn't about "we can't talk anymore, sorry" but " we are awful, he is awful and my husband is way better man then the OM could ever be and what they did was just a fantasy that tore families apart".

However she wants to word it , you must read it before the *both* of you send it. As long as it proclaims you as the better man and Om as the lesser man.
with the OM...she should denounce the Om and make it clear how wrong they both are
Her current EA has to stop or MC won;t mean sh1t.


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## the guy

If she really wants this marriage she'll write a NC letter...again another consequence.

If the OM is married expose this to her(OMW=other mans wife)...again another consequence she should face!

If your old lady is realy remorseful she will not protect the OM .

If she is full of sh1t she will get pissed and fight you not only on the exposure, but the NC letter.
If she is truelly a different person she will face these consequences instead of sweeping them under the rug and risking this from happening again. Actually its still happening , but not on a physical level.

I may not be able to spell but I do know that with out consequences bad behavior continues.

Who knows your WW's biggest consequences might be lossing you if she doesn't play her cards right by submitting to what you need to start healing.


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## zookeeper

the guy said:


> Her current EA has to stop or MC won;t mean sh1t.


It is not an EA. He is a former(supposedly) lover. They have already been physical. This contact is merely a continuation of their PA. Just because there may be distance or other factors than make sex impactical right now doesn't change the nature of their relationship. Once it crosses a threshold, there is no going back.

Won't hurt for him to read the books you suggested. I disagree with any advice for attempts at reconciliation, but it is always a good thing to look at our own flaws and work to improve.


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## the guy

Acabado said:


> She still had the dating profile
> She was still reaching that OM you were informed first
> She's still talking with a different OM
> 
> She never stopped.
> You still have no more than the tip of the iceberg.
> 
> Have her write a timeline of all her transgression (she cant remember all) and then force her to take a poly to back up the info.
> I garantee you more disclosures, she can't possibly remember the countless OMs she had sex with let along the ones she never let go that far as having sex.
> 
> If she had a pannic disorder she sure managed to keep it while going to hotels. It's more than likely she brought home many of them.


I'm thinking she has been doing this to long to be dump enough to bring it home.

I could be wrong, and thats why you need to play her and see if she is willing to get the monkey off her back and take the time to trickle truth this adultorus life style she *was* living.

I mean we all have seen enough porn to know what went on but there are years of details regards to who, what and when that you can get if you play her the right way.


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## the guy

zookeeper said:


> It is not an EA. He is a former(supposedly) lover. They have already been physical..


I stand corrected.

But...

In WW head she thinks she is a different person now...and she ain't. Not as long as the OM is infecting her.

Just like any addiction WW trys to slow down, wiene off of her drug a little at a time. At we all know that doesn't work.

(analogy time) You can;t stop drinking when you hang out in bars = you can't affair proof a marriage when you still talk to OM.


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## the guy

LongWalk said:


> Hard to imagine the power dynamics after R. Does WW become a meek creature who says "Yes, dear", all the time?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


In my case its more like "yes Master" but I'm wired different then most.

Sorry for the thread jack Mustang


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## the guy

I just want to make it clear, Its is to early to even think about R. Right now OP's old lady needs to believe he is ready to walk. The worst thing OP can do is give any inclination that he want to R and crying and begging for his chick.

My point is he can get more intel and find out what she has become by play her.

Yes I'm pro marriage but there are steps and Mustang 1st needs to look out for him self, talk to a lawyer to know his options and educate him self.

Once he knows what what he then can make an educate choice.

Even if it take bugging her car with a VAR (voice actived recorder) to find out her true intention, then so be it...but knowledge is power.


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## the guy

michzz said:


> The woman you thought you marriaged and lived with for three decades is NOT the woman that she IS.
> 
> I know this from sad experience of the same length of time.
> 
> If I were you, I would do as I finally had to for my own self respect and mental sanity.
> 
> Divorce her!
> 
> She has infected you with HPV, lied to you and screwed many men using marital assets to do it.
> 
> She does not respect or love you.
> 
> IGNORE HER SILLY TEARS.
> 
> Just look at how she continues to treat you.
> 
> Move on!


@michzz, you have been here a lot longer then me and most, and I respect that.

You hit the nail on the head.

She does *continue* to disrespect by talking to OM. That has to be one of the biggest issues as to what exatly makes her a "different person now".


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## zookeeper

the guy said:


> I stand corrected.
> 
> But...
> 
> *InWW head she thinks she is a different person now...and she ain't. Not as long as the OM is infecting her.*
> 
> Just like any addiction WW trys to slow down, wiene off of her drug a little at a time. At we all know that doesn't work.
> 
> (analogy time) You can;t stop drinking when you hang out in bars = you can't affair proof a marriage when you still talk to OM.


You seem to view her as some powerless victim of a lothario. If the OM is in fact "infecting" her (with something besides HPV) it is her responsibility to cut contact with him. She continues contact because she gets some kind of fulfillment from it. It is a truly selfish act, no different than the rest of her infidelity.

If its like a drug addiction, we know that you can't cure an addict by running off their dealer. They wil seek out the drug. They will find other, more accessible drugs. Only when the addict seeks help of their own volition do they have a chance to overcome their condition. Many never do. Others get clean and re-abuse over and over again. In the end, the whole thing rests on their shoulders.


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## bandit.45

At least 10 men? That she will admit to?

10 men? Are you fvcking kidding me ?

No brainer here. You will never get past this. Go see a lawyer.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## the guy

zookeeper said:


> You seem to view her as some powerless victim of a lothario. If the OM is in fact "infecting" her (with something besides HPV) it is her responsibility to cut contact with him. She continues contact because she gets some kind of fulfillment from it. It is a truly selfish act, no different than the rest of her infidelity.
> 
> If its like a drug addiction, we know that you can't cure an addict by running off their dealer. They wil seek out the drug. They will find other, more accessible drugs. Only when the addict seeks help of their own volition do they have a chance to overcome their condition. Many never do. Others get clean and re-abuse over and over again. In the end, the whole thing rests on their shoulders.


No, not even! The chick phucked around are her old man she is in no way a victim...broken but not a victim!
My point is her addiction to screwing around on her old man and the POS OM is the dealer.


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## lenzi

Mustang1968 said:


> I haven't decided yet whether or not to divorce her.


I'm sorry but you have to divorce her.

There is virtually no other reasonable option given the circumstances.

Your life with her is over, your life as it currently exists is over, in fact it was over a long time ago, but now you actually know it and with that knowledge comes power, along with a lot of grief and despair, but that part is only temporary- as long as you start making steps to get yourself away from this woman ASAP.


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## Will_Kane

I'm terribly sorry for what you are going through.

She put your life at risk. With strange men. Over and over and over and over and over and over and over. How much could she love you?

She was very good at it to hide it all these years, not once raising any suspicion. 

When you did find out some things recently, she lied.

Then she lied about keeping in contact with one guy.

What I'm trying to point out is that she says she has changed, but her recent behavior when you found out, doesn't bear that out. It doesn't seem like she's changed at all, she still is lying and continues to lie about the guy she cheated with and still contacts. If she really was disgusted and put that behind her, then why keep in touch with this guy?


----------



## the guy

Again lots of poster with lots of questions, if you drop a dime on her she will shut down.

Play her with out judgement or discontent. Let her open up. You can always dumb her later on when she get this monkey off her back...if she ever does.

I mean it would be nice to know if she ever hooked up with one of your friends or did it with a chick. She can either shut down and face the lose of her marriage or she can start spilling her guts thinking you will stick around if she is upfront with her A's.


----------



## the guy

She has years and years and years of stories to tell, if you bail on her she will never tell you a thing, but if she thinks being up front will save her marriage she maybe more open to talk about her crap.

Then you can bail.


----------



## LongWalk

One point in favor of this WW is that she has fessed up to rather a lot: anal sex and ten partners. Respectful she has not been. But she may have some compartmentalized love for her husband. 

Mustang demand a time line. Get her email.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Dyokemm

Mustang,

I'm sorry you are here.

This really is a tragic situation.

A 30+ years relationship is reveled to have been maintained on a mountain of lies and deceits.

The only advice I would give would be to D as quickly as possible. You may be different, but I could never forgive such horrendous betrayal. 

It would shatter my self-respect to even try.

Other posters are right. Have yourself screened for STD's and, unfortunately, have DNA tests done on any children you have.

I know letting go of everything you have known for over 30 years will make you feel lost, possible even be frightening.

But I'm here to tell you that there is nothing to fear in being single with your pride and self-respect intact. 

You WILL find a better path for yourself and feel proud to have honored your own self-worth.


----------



## alte Dame

This is very sad for you after all these years. The life you thought you had isn't at all what it seemed. How do you rewrite all those memories to bring them closer to the truth?

Sorry, I respect the-guy's perspective tremendously, but the lying and compartmentalizing has gone on for so long and she was still doing it. She's still in touch with at least one of her lovers. This would be far too much for me.

You have no good choices. There's no turning the clock back or erasing what she did. To me, the best of your bad choices is to divorce and start your new life without her. 35 years is a lot, I know. It isn't the end of your life and probably won't be the lion's share of it.

I wish you luck. I would file the papers.


----------



## Anuvia

Reading this story really pissed me off. I empathize with the OP.


----------



## TDSC60

Not only ten other men but maintaining phone contact with at least one of her lovers to this day.

Where's the door leading out?


----------



## workindad

The very first thing I would do is to get a complete work up for STDs. She already infected you with at least one. Protect your health.

The next thing I would do is GTFO of that unhealthy marriage. You are married to an unremorseful lying serial cheater.

You can do better and certainly deserve better.


----------



## workindad

Mustang1968 said:


> My wife was diagnosed with panic disorder in 1992. She hasn't worked outside the home since then. I paid for a housekeeper to clean the house. I have never raised a hand to her and rarely raised my voice. She was diagnosed with cancer in 2005 and I went with her to all of her treatments. I couldn't bear the thought of losing her. She works out of our home running a small business but has never made enough to talk about. I asked if she paid for the hotel rooms when she met these men and she told me that sometimes she paid half but would use her own money when she did. She says that she isn't that person any more and that she quit on her own to be a better person and a better wife.. *I found out that she has had regular phone conversations with one of her lovers since the affair. He live out of state now but from the phone bills they regularly call each other.* I'm not perfect. I don't claim to be but I have provided her with everything she wanted these past 31 years.


The bolded part tells me she lied again. If she really quit to be a better person and a better wife, there would have been no contact. She has zero respect for you or your marriage. She cares about your paycheck though.


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## happyman64

Mustang

Do you two have any children?

Exactly how old are you two?

What kind of shape are you in?

Do you think your wife was still active sexually outside the marriage since she has a personal ad still up?

I can understand having 31 years invested in the marriage.

I can also understand not knowing if you can Reconcile or should Divorce.

But if I found out my wife was doing these sex acts with all these other men you can bet that I would do the following:

1. Go with her to her gynecologist and have her take an STD test with you present. The results go to you. Just the way you took her to her cancer treatments. She gets no choice in the matter.

2. She discloses to her family with you present what she has done. because you are right, she is a hypocrite.

3. After her tests come back negative then go to town and hysterical bond until she cries for mercy. And no sex act with her should be taboo.

Then in a month or two pull back.

See if she has broken all contact with her "friends". Put a keylogger on the pc. Put a var in her car.

And she gets put on a very tight allowance.

In fact let her see what it will be like for her to live on her income alone.

Then when your mind has calmed down, make a decision for you.

And only you.

The Guy has been in your shoes. Listen to him.

And never forget the choice is yours. But you have to live with it as well.

IMO I think your wife might still be lying but that will come out in time.

Sorry you are here and keep posting.

HM


----------



## tacoma

She' still lying for damage control.

Had an active dating profile yet hasn't cheated in years?

You'll not be able to R if she continues lying, not that I' saying you should.

How are you OP?
Physically?
Women notice you?


----------



## awake1

Chances are if she admitted to 10, it's probably a lot higher. I bet it stretches back over the entire marriage, starting in the first 10-15 years. 

Most of the cheaters start in this time frame, though some get started a tad earlier around year 6-7. 

At this point, I think your best option is just to leave. That's quite a number to "get over". 

She dumped you, your marriage and family down the crapper for a few rolls in the hay. That's pretty inexcusable. 

It's not like you can even say to yourself "well she said she was in love and maybe just confused." No, this is lust, pure and simple. And you mean less to her than a few orgasms. 

Have you read no more mr nice guy and married man sex life primer? Do you work out, lift weights? Are you in good shape? 

If no to all of the above, you need to start yesterday. 

You need to prepare yourself to start dating again, whether or not you choose to R. 

It's not about how many guys she slept with, how little she actually cares about you, it's about how much respect you have for yourself. 

31 years, 50 years, does self respect have a shelf life?


----------



## Truthseeker1

Her story is going to get a WHOLE lot worse before he knows the whole truth....plus she gave you HPV - when is enough ennough?


----------



## Acabado

And it's also likely she had more sneaky ways then the regular phone calls and normal facebook. Keylog the PCs.

Did she tell you when this **** started? (Becasue she's still at it)


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## 6301

Mustang

If she was able to hide all this from you for this long, then you need to get her a polygraph test. At least you can find out if there's more although what you have already told us is more than enough. She is really good at hiding her affairs.

She has given you a STD and has had unprotected sex with at least 10 men. It doesn't matter if you've been married for 31 years or 310 years, this was a 31 year lie that she has given you and now after she's caught, all of a sudden she wants to be a good girl. You gave her 31 years of your life and granted, your not perfect and you admitted it but you got nothing in return except lies, cheating and a STD. Get a divorce and get her out of your life. Lord only knows that it's a huge change, but I honestly can't see how you would be able to forgive her not only for the lies and cheating but the blatant disregard for your health and life with a STD. That is unforgivable.


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## harrybrown

It is time for divorce. Kick her out now! She is still cheating on you. Tell her to go to her lovers.


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## Shaggy

Kick her out yesterday.

So she's had some medical stuff in the last couple of years that I'm betting slowed down her sex drive.

So what you got was the old tired version of her , what she gave them was the wild, do anything fun sex.

She's lied and lied and lied, and even recently has continued contact.

Your entire marriage has been a total lie, and now she's looking for you to take care of her.

Why would you accept being such an obvious last choice as a lover, but first choice as a person to provide care for her?

Dont waste another day with someone with so little love or respect for you.

Not convinced, demand a polygraph,


Btw - if you've got kids you need to have them DNA checked ASAP.


----------



## GROUNDPOUNDER

It seems to me that her mental and medical problems are probably what stopped her constant cheating. If neither had happened, it's likely that she would still be having sex with other men.

10 men... that number is higher. Probably MUCH higher.

Mustang, I know you want to R with the women that you married. The women that you loved, but she doesn't exist anymore. She ceased being when she started cheating on you. TIME and TIME again, long ago.

She's beneath contempt. You just have to wonder how many times that you've preformed oral on her in the past and... well, I don't even need to finish this sentence.

I am sorry and I feel for you, but, I believe if you try to R, you will be in more misery than if you decide to D.

Good luck on wht you choose.


----------



## phillybeffandswiss

GP and Shaggy hit it on the head IMO. She was forced to stop, it wasn't by choice. 31 years, sorry 24 or 25 according to an experienced liar, of cheating and at least one STD. This is divorce time. 


I say "at least" because, right now, you have no clue until you get a blood test. Also, I'd be scared about the DNA of my children.

Sorry.


----------



## tom67

Truthseeker1 said:


> Her story is going to get a WHOLE lot worse before he knows the whole truth....plus she gave you HPV - when is enough ennough?


:iagree:


----------



## Rottdad42

To the OP, I know where you are at in your head, we all do. A lot of what we say comes from experience and time healing days behind us. In this moment you are in a daze, there is no stopping it for right now. You kind of have to deal with it. Booze numbs it, but not for long. By your writing, you are older and wiser, so to respect that I won't give you sage advice, save on. This is why I'm here, so I hope when I chime in with some pearls of my wisdom I hope you are able, at this time, in some way can hear me. Me looking from the outside in will say by your writing and account of things, that you were not treated like you should have been, period. So many lies, so many betrayals, so much hurt. Too much hurt. Regardless of panic issues, nobody does that to their lifemate, lay heads together in the bed, say I love you. To make those memories, to take those photos for captures of time all in vain. In my world and my mind and how I was raised, one betrayal your out the door. I don't want to hear another damn thing out of your mouth not even goodbye. But to hear that amount, I won't repeat it, it's too hard even for me. Sir, if you have any respect for yourself IMHO you need to walk away. Not right now, you need time to recover from the blow. But in time, coming here for help for reassurance that it will be okay, in time when the pain is a little less, in time you will see that you will survive, regardless if she is your first or not. Much luck to you sir, this will not be an easy journey.


----------



## aug

Mustang1968 said:


> Several years ago a genital wart appeared on me. I went to our family doctor (who was also my wife's doctor and knew our history) and he told me it was a wart without explaining that it was caused by a sexually transmitted disease. *I did some online research and found it was caused by HPV. I went to my doctor(our old doctor had retired) and he confirmed that it was caused by HPV. * I asked if there were any other explanation other sexual transmission and he told me there was not. I went home and confronted my wife and she admitted to the affair





Mustang1968 said:


> *She was diagnosed with cancer in 2005 and I went with her to all of her treatments.* I couldn't bear the thought of losing her.



Your wife gave your HPV.

Did she have cervical cancer?

Most likely your long term outlook is prostate cancer from the HPV. You can thank your wife for that.

May I suggest you start researching ways to prevent a possibe prostate cancer?


----------



## Shaggy

Gotta wonder about her suddenly developing her disorder. Strange how for years and years she was perfectly able to leave you at home and go off for her private singers life without the disorder causing problems.

I can't help but wonder if it was something that happened during her years of swinging with many many men that caused the disorder? Perhaps drugs that she took, or a series of bad experiences ? Perhaps a rape or gang bang ?

This wasn't a woman who has a fling with another man,

She has sex likely hundreds of times - even if was 10x with 10 men that is 100 times, or once a week for 2 years.

Given that these guys remember her years later, it wasn't just ONS. No, she was an ongoing sex partner for many many men. She let you provide the safe dull home, but she turned to these men for her sexual enjoyment.

I'm thinking she ended up with something traumatic that gave her , her so called panic disorder - rate, gang bang, obsessed lover. You don't go from living a vibrant swinging lifestyle and having sex hundreds of times to house bound panic disorder without a big trigger.

Don't some drugs have that kind of long term affect on people? 

She's clearly has more sexual experience with these other men, than she's shared with you.

So why should you now be stuck with the left overs from their fun?

You've got years of life ahead to find someone actually worthy of your love, and not wasting it someone who finds you dull and non attractive.


----------



## aug

Shaggy said:


> *You've got years of life ahead* to find someone actually worthy of your love, and not wasting it someone who finds you dull and non attractive.


This.

Man, if you can't divorce her after she handed you a painful death sentence and cheated on you throughout your marriage, then you better develop a better and stronger self-respect and self-love.


----------



## WorkingOnMe

aug said:


> Your wife gave your HPV.
> 
> Did she have cervical cancer?
> 
> Most likely your long term outlook is prostate cancer from the HPV. You can thank your wife for that.
> 
> May I suggest you start researching ways to prevent a possibe prostate cancer?


First, all warts are caused by HPV. Second, the type that cause cervical cancer are not visible to the eye. So if you have a visible wart it is not possible to cause cancer from that particular wart. Third, the type that do cause cancer on not testable in men. And finally, there is no link from HPV to prostate cancer. Only cervical and throat cancers.

The CDC has a good web page where you can educate yourself. Don't take my word.


----------



## mkshammas

cheating cheating cheating cheating


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## aug

WorkingOnMe said:


> First, all warts are caused by HPV. Second, the type that cause cervical cancer are not visible to the eye. So if you have a visible wart it is not possible to cause cancer from that particular wart. Third, the type that do cause cancer on not testable in men. And finally, there is no link from HPV to prostate cancer. Only cervical and throat cancers.
> 
> The CDC has a good web page where you can educate yourself. Don't take my word.


These studies indicated linkage:
Human papillomavirus and Epstein Barr virus in pros... [Prostate. 2013] - PubMed - NCBI
Prostate cancer and sexually transmitted dis... [Fam Med. 2005 Jul-Aug] - PubMed - NCBI
Human papillomavirus 16 or 18 infection and pro... [Ir J Med Sci. 2011] - PubMed - NCBI
Identification of viral infections in the prostat... [BMC Cancer. 2010] - PubMed - NCBI

I was looking for studies that supported my position. In fairness, I also came across these ones that indicated no linkage:
HPV persistence and its oncogenic role in prosta... [J Med Virol. 2012] - PubMed - NCBI 
HUMAN PAPILLOMAVIRUS TYPES 16, 18 AND 31 SEROSTATUS AND PROSTATE CANCER RISK IN THE PROSTATE CANCER PREVENTION TRIAL


----------



## awake1

aug said:


> These studies indicated linkage:
> Human papillomavirus and Epstein Barr virus in pros... [Prostate. 2013] - PubMed - NCBI
> Prostate cancer and sexually transmitted dis... [Fam Med. 2005 Jul-Aug] - PubMed - NCBI
> Human papillomavirus 16 or 18 infection and pro... [Ir J Med Sci. 2011] - PubMed - NCBI
> Identification of viral infections in the prostat... [BMC Cancer. 2010] - PubMed - NCBI
> 
> I was looking for studies that supported my position. In fairness, I also came across these ones that indicated no linkage:
> HPV persistence and its oncogenic role in prosta... [J Med Virol. 2012] - PubMed - NCBI
> HUMAN PAPILLOMAVIRUS TYPES 16, 18 AND 31 SEROSTATUS AND PROSTATE CANCER RISK IN THE PROSTATE CANCER PREVENTION TRIAL


I do believe, though I could be wrong, prostate and anal cancer due to HPV, most often happens in those who engage in anal sex. With those homosexuals have a more than 12 fold increase in them. Probably due to the nature of anal sex (soft skin easy torn, an often lack of adequate lubrication etc.) 

I believe the hetero cancers for HPV in men are throat, penis, genital and groin area. 

Even so, the vast majority of HPV infections clear on their own. Most women, up to 70% or more will have HPV at some point in life, so it's pretty much unavoidable in this day and age.

In addition, developing cancer, any cancer, from the harsher types is still extremely rare, especially for men.

I believe circumcised men had lower infection rates of HPV, and STDs in general, than non circumcised men. Probably due to the scar tissue around the sensitive areas of the penis where the skin is thinnest. In addition the fold of uncircumcised men creates and area that "catches" stds, creating more of an opportunity for infection. 

I know the approximate chances of catching aids during unprotected sex with a positive female is 1 in 500 for a circumstanced man. I think the chances increase for a non circumcised male. I don't remember the number for that though.

This is all going on memory of course, and i could be wildly wrong.


----------



## Mustang1968

We never had children. All of this took place during the time that we were trying to conceive. In the back of my mind is this thought that she was on birth control the whole time which is why we have no children. I asked her if she had been on birth control and she denied it but I can't believe anything she says. I asked her what she would have done if she had gotten pregnant. She said that she didn't believe she could because we had been unsuccessful for a number of years. Several have asked about my age. I am 51 years old. I do work out but I've put on a few pounds over the years. We started dating at 16, married at 20.


----------



## Chaparral

Unfortunately, it has become a rule around here that whatever a cheater first tells you is just a tip of the iceberg. It always works that way. I can't remember a time a wayward spouse has told the truth until the betrayed spouse has found out a lot of it on their own. Be prepared for this to get worse as she trickles more information.

Did a doctor diagnose her as being sterile? This has sent some women around the bend. She may have tried different men in an attempt to get pregnant and prove she wasn't defective.


----------



## LongWalk

Awake, my cousin, while in her mid 50s, died of cervical cancer. She told me she got HPV from her cheating second husband. I made certain both my daughters got vaccinated with the new HPV vaccine. It does not stop all forms but still has already been shown effective.
Boys ought to be vaccinated as well.

Circumcision is often promoted as a disease preventing measure. Sad and very unpleasant for all the men who have this done to them without being asked. It does not provide real protection. Many of the gay men who died of AIDS probably were circumcised.


----------



## LongWalk

Tell her to start writing a time line. I think there is even a model somewhere on TAM that she can fill in. The time line will make lying more difficult.

Do you have her email?


----------



## ironman

Mustang,

I'm am so sorry you are here. You have my sympathies. But look, I'm not going to sugar-coat this ... what your wife has been up to is disgusting. This has to be one of the most repulsive stories I've heard of so far.

31 years is a long time, but it in no way makes up for the atrocity she has made of your marriage. Normally I would be looking for some shred of hope for reconciliation in a marriage but there is just no way in this case.

51 is the new middle age. Get a divorce go out and salvage the rest of your life. What she has done is unforgivable to a man with even a little self-respect. You will never be able to trust her, of that I'm sure.


----------



## Rottdad42

Mustang, the timeline we speak of will help eliminate all the doubt you have as to where you were when this garbage transpired. It gives you some peace of mind for the times, or possible gut feelings you had if she was being unfaithful. Now you have some truth, not all, but at least you have confirmation that you are not crazy. In my world and what I do for a living, I trust my gut. I was a whisper away from being killed twice. Any hesitation of me not listening or a second delay of reaction, I would have been a grease spot on the freeway and shot. If your gut is telling you "you don't have it all" then you don't. For me I need all the info I can gather to make an informed decision on how best to react or make that decision, good or bad. Unfortunately all you have is bad and worse. STD, sir for me I'm not sure if I could hold back my anger and shear disappointment in my partner. Trust, respect, love, admiration, all GONE!!! Please forgive me for hammering this but if you don't have trust you might as well forget the rest. You just don't have it all and you probably never will, it might be too painful of information and even a bigger pill to swallow. Hang in there.


----------



## kenmoore14217

I asked her if she had been on birth control and she denied it.[/QUOTE said:


> Come on man, that's like asking Jeffrey Dahmer if he ever ate anyone?
> 
> Quit asking the criminals for the truth !


----------



## Acabado

Timeline + polygraph


----------



## alte Dame

You are right to question whether you have no children because she lied about being on birth control. Lying seems to come very naturally to her, so why not about this? She is a serial cheater and liar.


----------



## carmen ohio

Mustang1968 said:


> *. . . Several years ago a genital wart appeared on me . . .
> 
> She finally admitted that she had hooked up with at least ten men through chat rooms and the online dating site. She had unprotected sex with these men. She had participated in oral vaginal and anal sex with them over the course of these affairs . . .*
> 
> *I haven't decided yet whether or not to divorce her . . .*





Mustang1968 said:


> *. . . I paid for a housekeeper to clean the house . . .**
> 
> She was diagnosed with cancer in 2005 and I went with her to all of her treatments. I couldn't bear the thought of losing her . . .* *I found out that she has had regular phone conversations with one of her lovers since the affair. He live out of state now but from the phone bills they regularly call each other . . .*





Mustang1968 said:


> *We never had children. All of this took place during the time that we were trying to conceive. In the back of my mind is this thought that she was on birth control the whole time which is why we have no children. I asked her if she had been on birth control and she denied it but I can't believe anything she says . . . I am 51 years old. I do work out but I've put on a few pounds over the years. We started dating at 16, married at 20. *


Dear Mustang1968,

You have devoted more than 30 years of your life to your WW. In return, she has cheated on you repeatedly in the most vile way with at least 10 men over the course of more than a decade , has given you a STP, is still in touch with at least one of the OM and -- this is what I find most horrible -- denied you the chance of having children. All the while, she happily accepted your love, devotion and support, including while she was recovering from cancer. You even paid for someone to do the housework so that (unbeknownst to you) she could have time for her affairs.

I can't think of any example on TAM/CWI in which a WW has treated her BH with more disrespect or cruelty.

As others have recommended, get professional help for your mental health so that this does not destroy you. Also:

- even though you say you're not ready to file for divorce, speak to a divorce attorney immediately to find out how best to protect yourself financially,

- start to disengage from your WW (see "the 180") to prepare for eventual separation,

- expose what she has done to everyone who cares about your marriage (yours and her families, close friends, pastor/priest/rabbi) and

- let your employer know what you are going through so that he/she understands if your work suffers.

Believe me when I say this: you will eventually divorce your WW. You cannot spend the rest of his life with a woman who has done to you what your WW has done.

So, your task now is to prepare for your new life by protecting your health, preserving as many of your financial assets as possible and eventually accepting that you need to divorce your WW and move on without her.

My heart goes out to you.


----------



## Kallan Pavithran

Mustang1968 said:


> We never had children. All of this took place during the time that we were trying to conceive. *In the back of my mind is this thought that she was on birth control the whole time which is why we have no children.* I asked her if she had been on birth control and she denied it but I can't believe anything she says. I asked her what she would have done if she had gotten pregnant. She said that she didn't believe she could because we had been unsuccessful for a number of years. Several have asked about my age. I am 51 years old. I do work out but I've put on a few pounds over the years. We started dating at 16, married at 20.



I feel sorry for you man,Really sorry for you. She was using the BC for her selfishness, excitement and pleasure which denied you your children.
Its sad that your life was nothing but a pay check. 

But you know the truth now so you can have a real life with a real women who love and respect you. 


99-year-old Italian man divorces his 96-year-old wife  after finding her secret love letters from the 1940s  - NY Daily News


----------



## GROUNDPOUNDER

carmen ohio said:


> ***EDITED***
> So, your task now is to prepare for your new life by protecting your health, preserving as many of your financial assets as possible and eventually accepting that you need to divorce your WW and move on without her.


I couldn't agree with this more C.O..

He thinks he want's to save what he had, but what he had NEVER WAS. At least not for long any way.

From here on out, when ever he looks at his wife, he will wonder. How many men have had sex with her?... How many times has she done sex acts with them, that she would never do with me?... How could I have not seen it when it was happening?... These questions and many others will run through his mind, over and over and over.

I can't even imagine the mind movies that he is going to suffer through.

Then one question will keep reoccurring to him, more and more. Why the hell am I still with this person?... This is the only question that he will ever be sure of an answer if he finds it, because his wife can't lie, or with hold the truth about this one.

Eventually he will realize that the answer(s)/reason(s) he stayed with her are not worth the pain anymore and he will file for D. The first time he hits the "anger" stage, it'll have begun.


----------



## carmen ohio

GROUNDPOUNDER said:


> I couldn't agree with this more C.O..
> 
> He thinks he want's to save what he had, but what he had NEVER WAS. At least not for long any way.
> 
> From here on out, when ever he looks at his wife, he will wonder. How many men have had sex with her?... How many times has she done sex acts with them, that she would never do with me?... How could I have not seen it when it was happening?... These questions and many others will run through his mind, over and over and over.
> 
> I can't even imagine the mind movies that he is going to suffer through.
> 
> Then one question will keep reoccurring to him, more and more. Why the hell am I still with this person?... This is the only question that he will ever be sure of an answer if he finds it, because his wife can't lie, or with hold the truth about this one.
> 
> Eventually he will realize that the answer(s)/reason(s) he stayed with her are not worth the pain anymore and he will file for D. The first time he hits the "anger" stage, it'll have begun.


You're right, GP. The selfishness and cruelty of Mustang1968's WW is almost beyond comprehension, even by TAM/CWI standards.


----------



## Shaggy

What is her explanation for why and how she entered the life of a swinger?

I'm calling what she did swinging, because it doesn't sound like these were love affairs where she intended to leave you to be with,

Instead she used you to provide a home and someone to keep her company when she was between romps.

But think about it. She has lied to your face for years, without hesitation or anxiety. For years , countless nights and days she's said goodbye to you , acted completely normal, and inside was eagerly planning on meeting one or more of her sexual partners for playtime.

To her being the wild sexual playmate for numerous men , while you got her old wife side, was her lifestyle. A life she rejected you being a part of - what I mean is it obvious she was living a no holds barred sex life with these many other men. 

What kind of sexual partner was she to you during your marriage? Has she put effort and passion into you? Has she done anything you've ever dreamed of?

Ask her how many times she denied you , so she'd be clean for her lovers? Ask her how many things she denied you, but willingly and eagerly did for them? Ask her how many times she came home after sex with them, and then had sex with you?

See that deep total rejection and disrespect she's had for you?


She's also shown that she will take active steps to conspire against you getting the truth about the person she really is. Even when directly presented with evidence she repeatedly denied and lied, and didn't show an ounce of anxiety, guilt, or worry.

So at this point it's very doubtful you've actually gotten the full truth. If she's admitted to 10, the reality is going to be heck of a lot worse than 10. If she's admitting to unprotected PIV, anal, oral this these guys, the reality maybe much worse. Think multiple men, parties etc.

That's why I call her's a swingers life - it's as if her hobby was to meet men and have sex. 

All the while not showing an ounce of guilt or anxiety towards you.

Sir, that says a lot about her mental and emotional make up, and frankly it's pretty scary when you think about what's at the core of her emotions, her morals, and her personal integrity.

An expected response from a person in a sexual relationship with another person, would have been emotional attachment to the new partner and detachment from the old partner (you). Yet, it sounds like she had these numerous sexual partners without such emotions. - that shows a cold detachment inside her.

An expected response when you betray someone is anxiety and guilt. Anxiety about getting caught. Guilt for betraying your spouse and vows.

Yet she had neither. It was simply not a problem for her.

Yet, now she's got an anxiety disorder. 

I'm suspecting there is a lot of issues and mental problems that she has been carrying around for decades.

This is honestly one of the worst stories of betrayals I've read here on TAM in the years I've been here.

My advice:

1. For your own sake, demand a full timeline from when she started her lifestyle, including names, places, trips she went on with them.

2. Demand a polygraph from her. Including asking about birth control and abortions.

3. Get yourself a full STD work up including HIV.

4. Immediately protect your assists and records. She's shown how cold and heartlessly she will betray you, when she gets wind of you D, she'll use that same cold detachment to strike at you. Safe all your tax records off site, move money and investments to where she can get them.

5. Hire a shark lawyer. 

6. Use the information you got from her to bargain for her giving you a fast easy clean divorce. Basically, offer to not expose to everyone her lifestyle in exchange for an immediate and clean divorce, and that she leaves your life completely and forever.

7. Take her confession and find each wife of the men she swung with an expose to the wives so they can get themselves tested for HPV and other STDs.


----------



## Shaggy

Btw, has she ever been examined by a physiatrist ? Her behavior is pretty off the chart and may be a sign of a bigger disorder like bi-polar , or something else.

Basically it just isn't how normal people are wired - they would not only not carry on a long term secret life, but more importantly they wouldn't even want too. That she did it with out emotion or guilt really is a huge red flag about her mental state all these years.


----------



## Numbersixxx

Mustang1968 said:


> I have been married for 31 years. We dated for 4 years before that. I have been with this woman all of my adult life. We were each others first. Last year I received a message on Facebook from a stranger saying that my wife had an affair with her husband years ago and that my wife was continuing to try to contact him. This was so far fetched that I showed it to my wife. She denied the entire thing and said the woman must be mistaken. When I went back to read the post again it had been removed and so I put it in the back of my mind and attributed it to mistaken identity. This June while on vacation I received an email from this person telling me that my wife had an affair and that she would like to speak to me about it. She told me that she had tried to contact me through Facebook but my wife had blocked her. When I checked my blocked senders list she had indeed been blocked. The only person that could have done this was my wife. My wife again denied it and said the woman must be crazy. I started doing some research on this person to find out who she was, who her husband was, and why she would do this. I also did an internet search on my wife and through some detective work found a profile for her on an adult dating web site. The profile said she was looking for something discrete, preferably during the day, someone she could share some quiet time with. When I confronted her with this she admitted that it was her but that she had never done anything wrong. She even cried. Several years ago a genital wart appeared on me. I went to our family doctor (who was also my wife's doctor and knew our history) and he told me it was a wart without explaining that it was caused by a sexually transmitted disease. I did some online research and found it was caused by HPV. I went to my doctor(our old doctor had retired) and he confirmed that it was caused by HPV. I asked if there were any other explanation other sexual transmission and he told me there was not. I went home and confronted my wife and she admitted to the affair but that it had happened years ago and that he was the only one. I demanded access to her emails and phone. I continued to find things that pointed to additional affairs which she denied. She had deleted her account on the online dating site and so I couldn't see her communications through that site. The woman who had originally informed me of the affair emailed me some additional information. She said my wife had told her husband about several other men she had slept with one being a cop in a local jurisdiction. I found contact information in her email account for a man with an email address ending in .gov. I looked up his work number and called him. I told him that my wife had admitted to the affair and I just wanted to confirm the information she had given me and he admitted that they had slept together years earlier and their affair had ended eight years ago. I felt like I couldn't breath. I went home and called my wife to tell her not to come home. She asked why and I mentioned the name of the cop that I had spoken to and asked if I needed to say anything else. She asked if we could talk about it and came home. She finally admitted that she had hooked up with at least ten men through chat rooms and the online dating site. She had unprotected sex with these men. She had participated in oral vaginal and anal sex with them over the course of these affairs. She tells me that these affairs all ended years ago but at this point she has lied so much that I can't believe anything she says. Her sister had an affair three years ago and my wife was very judgmental about it. I told her she was a hypocrite. She says she loves me and doesn't want me to leave her. She cries alot and tells me how sorry she is and how she never meant to hurt me. My life is a wreck right now. My work is suffering, I can't sleep, I haven't decided yet whether or not to divorce her. I am going to seek counseling and put off any decisions until I have calmed down and can make a rational decision. I needed an outlet. I haven't told anyone else about this. Just looking for some guidance and advice.


Run Forest, run!

But seriously. She cheated with at least 10 men, gave you an STD and you are still undecided on what to do?


----------



## nuclearnightmare

OP

Sorry you have been hit with disaster. You're trauma is no less than a 911 survivor or air crash survivor. Therefore you MUST

-- get I C immediately

And, if you have a friend or relative you can confide in, I think you should. It will lessen your burden a bit.


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## Kallan Pavithran

Consult a lawyer first arrange your ducks in a row and seperate your finance.

Then hand over the Divorce papers and expose to the family and friends why you are divorcing her, before she rewrite the marriage history.


----------



## aug

Mustang1968 said:


> We never had children. All of this took place during the time that we were trying to conceive. In the back of my mind is this thought that she was on birth control the whole time which is why we have no children. I asked her if she had been on birth control and she denied it but I can't believe anything she says. I asked her what she would have done if she had gotten pregnant. She said that she didn't believe she could because we had been unsuccessful for a number of years. Several have asked about my age. I am 51 years old. I do work out but I've put on a few pounds over the years. We started dating at 16, married at 20.



You're 51. Divorce her. Find a woman in her early 40's. Have kids. Have a real family. 

Put the sham of your marriage away. Pronto!


----------



## ThePheonix

aug said:


> You're 51. Divorce her. Find a woman in her early 40's. Have kids. Have a real family.
> 
> Put the sham of your marriage away. Pronto!


Amen to that. Why spend the next 5-10 years struggling trying to do a major patch up job on this woman when you can easily replace her with a younger and loyal gal? They are out there.


----------



## theroad

Do you want to divorce your WW or recover your marriage?


----------



## MattMatt

theroad said:


> Do you want to divorce your WW or recover your marriage?


That's a very good question.

Not only the infidelity but the other lies, too.

A lot to work through.


----------



## Shaggy

MattMatt said:


> That's a very good question.
> 
> Not only the infidelity but the other lies, too.
> 
> A lot to work through.


This isn't that she snuck a donut each morning, She carried on an extensive second life for years and years.

She sounds like she wants it to be viewed as she made a choice and just stopped. Yea, he won.

But think about the amount of effort and planning she put into her secret second life, for years. 

That was very clearly a top priority for her. Then she just reversed direction and turned from evil to good.

Sorry, but even her explanation smells rotten here.

You've only got the smallest glimpse of the whole picture at the moment.


----------



## illwill

You do not need more info to feed your nightmares. End it. There is no story that will make this acceptable. At 51 you still can find a good woman. The longer you wait to end it the longer it will take to recover. And find her. Do not let the shock paralyze you. Move on. Forget the timeline and polygraphs those are not options in a case this bad. Best of luck.


----------



## tom67

illwill said:


> You do not need more info to feed your nightmares. End it. There is no story that will make this acceptable. At 51 you still can find a good woman. The longer you wait to end it the longer it will take to recover. And find her. Do not let the shock paralyze you. Move on. Forget the timeline and polygraphs those are not options in a case this bad. Best of luck.


Get some ic, std test and please think long and hard if the m is worth it. I don't think so.


----------



## Kallan Pavithran

Mustang1968 said:


> I have been married for 31 years. We dated for 4 years before that. I have been with this woman all of my adult life. We were each others first. Last year I received a message on Facebook from a stranger saying that my wife had an affair with her husband years ago and that my wife was continuing to try to contact him. This was so far fetched that I showed it to my wife. She denied the entire thing and said the woman must be mistaken. When I went back to read the post again it had been removed and so I put it in the back of my mind and attributed it to mistaken identity. *This June *while on vacation I received an email from this person telling me that my wife had an affair and that she would like to speak to me about it. She told me that she had tried to contact me through Facebook but my wife had blocked her. When I checked my blocked senders list she had indeed been blocked. The only person that could have done this was my wife. My wife again denied it and said the woman must be crazy. I started doing some research on this person to find out who she was, who her husband was, and why she would do this. I also did an internet search on my wife and through some *detective work found a profile for her on an adult dating web site.* The profile said she was looking for something discrete, preferably during the day, someone she could share some quiet time with. When I confronted her with this she *admitted that it was her but that she had never done anything wrong. She even cried. *Several years ago a genital wart appeared on me. I went to our family doctor (who was also my wife's doctor and knew our history) and he told me it was a wart without explaining that it was caused by a sexually transmitted disease. I did some online research and found it was caused by HPV. I went to my doctor(our old doctor had retired) and he confirmed that it was caused by HPV. I asked if there were any other explanation other sexual transmission and he told me there was not. I went home and confronted my wife and she admitted to the affair but that it had happened years ago and that he was the only one. I demanded access to her emails and phone. I continued to find things that pointed to additional affairs which she denied. * She had deleted her account on the online dating site and so I couldn't see her communications through that site.* The woman who had originally informed me of the affair emailed me some additional information. She said my wife had told her husband about several other men she had slept with one being a cop in a local jurisdiction. I found contact information in her email account for a man with an email address ending in .gov. I looked up his work number and called him. I told him that my wife had admitted to the affair and I just wanted to confirm the information she had given me and he admitted that they had slept together years earlier and their affair had ended eight years ago. I felt like I couldn't breath. I went home and called my wife to tell her not to come home. She asked why and I mentioned the name of the cop that I had spoken to and asked if I needed to say anything else. She asked if we could talk about it and came home. She finally admitted that she had hooked up with at least ten men through chat rooms and the online dating site. She had unprotected sex with these men. She had participated in oral vaginal and anal sex with them over the course of these affairs. *She tells me that these affairs all ended years ago *but at this point she has lied so much that I can't believe anything she says. Her sister had an affair three years ago and my wife was very judgmental about it. I told her she was a hypocrite. *She says she loves me and doesn't want me to leave her. *She cries alot and tells me how sorry she is and how she never meant to hurt me. My life is a wreck right now. My work is suffering, I can't sleep, I haven't decided yet whether or not to divorce her. I am going to seek counseling and put off any decisions until I have calmed down and can make a rational decision. I needed an outlet. I haven't told anyone else about this. Just looking for some guidance and advice.




She didnt ended her A yrs ago, she was still looking for hook ups and rekindle with OM.

I do believe that she wanted to be with you, how can she leave a person who provides well for her hook ups and life style she is having.

But when did she started hook ups? Did she gave you any timeline? was she doing this from the beginning?


_She cries alot and tells me how sorry she is and how she never meant to hurt me_
She cries a lot and you are confused about leaving her, this is the thing she wanted, purpose of her tears served.

Record her confession on a VAR before filing for Divorce.


----------



## theroad

Shaggy said:


> This isn't that she snuck a donut each morning, She carried on an extensive second life for years and years.
> 
> She sounds like she wants it to be viewed as she made a choice and just stopped. Yea, he won.
> 
> But think about the amount of effort and planning she put into her secret second life, for years.
> 
> That was very clearly a top priority for her. Then she just reversed direction and turned from evil to good.
> 
> Sorry, but even her explanation smells rotten here.
> 
> You've only got the smallest glimpse of the whole picture at the moment.



Does not matter if she snuck out for a box full of doughnuts morning, noon, and night. Divorce or recover. Chose one then move forward.


----------



## workindad

Op sorry for the spot you are in. I do agree with much that has been said. You likely do not have all of the truth yet. 

She obviously had unprotected sex with other men while trying to conceive with you. How degrading. 

You look back on your 31 year marriage but you didn't really have that. You had a lie she suckered you into. In fact she's still lung and my guess is that you know it. 

She hasn't quit the old swinging life style. That's why she holding on to om and chatting him up. 

Maybe she got older and it became harder to attract OM's. maybe something bad did happen and she got scared. Any way you slice it. She certainly didnt stop because she wanted to be a better wife. What a joke. 

It is question time for you. Do you want to attempt to r with this woman? 

If yes I would absolutely insist on full std work ups and a polygraph. 

If you want to d. Understand that you are still young enough to rebuild your life without the lying cheating spouse.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## badmemory

OP,

I'm very sorry about what you're going through. Many of us on here have faced betrayal, but this is particularly brutal. So much so, that I think the odds are very small that you'll be able to get past it - no matter how remorseful she may act, no matter if she never cheats again.

So it's probably a wise decision to divorce her and move on with your life. I wouldn't recommend R and I think you'd be making a mistake to try. But it's your life and your decision.

But an even worse mistake to make, would be to attempt R without you giving and her accepting, every consequence she deserves. The other posters have spelled those out. 

Even before you decide what to do, the first consequence needs to be separation from her. Shouldn't be a problem to do that without children. Spend "at least" a couple of weeks away from her and sort out your feelings. File for D during that period and have her served. Let her understand what it feels like to loose her husband over this. 

Then watch how she reacts. Look for acceptance of these consequences and unwavering remorse. If you don't get it, she's made the decision for you; because there is zero chance you'll R successfully without it.

Even if she does demonstrate remorse, the separation time will give you time to make the best choice on what to do. But I'm telling you, I don't think most men could get past this.

Good luck and keep posting.


----------



## tom67

badmemory said:


> OP,
> 
> I've very sorry about what you're going through. Many of us on here have faced betrayal, but this is particularly brutal. So much so, that I think the odds are very small that you'll be able to get past it - no matter how remorseful she may act, no matter if she never cheats again.
> 
> So it's probably a wise decision to divorce her and move on with your life. I wouldn't recommend R and I think you'd be making a mistake to try. But it's your life and your decision.
> 
> But an even worse mistake to make, would be to attempt R without you giving and her accepting, every consequence she deserves. The other posters have spelled those out.
> 
> Even before you decide what to do, the first consequence needs to be separation from her. Shouldn't be a problem to do that without children. Spend "at least" a couple of weeks away from her and sort out your feelings. File for D during that period and have her served. Let her understand what it feels like to loose her husband over this.
> 
> Then watch how she reacts. Look for acceptance of these consequences and unwavering remorse. If you don't get it, she's made the decision for you; because there is zero chance you'll R successfully without it.
> 
> Even if she does demonstrate remorse, the separation time will give you time to make the best choice on what to do. But I'm telling you, I don't think most men could get past this.
> 
> Good luck and keep posting.


This^^^ and let good longtime friends know what has happened so you have a support network you can't keep this bottled up jmo.


----------



## bandit.45

illwill said:


> You do not need more info to feed your nightmares. End it. There is no story that will make this acceptable. At 51 you still can find a good woman. The longer you wait to end it the longer it will take to recover. And find her. Do not let the shock paralyze you. Move on. Forget the timeline and polygraphs those are not options in a case this bad. Best of luck.


Agreed. 

I'm against this timeline stuff. Unless the OP is a masochist, why would he want the details? He needs to hire a lawyer and get away from this evil thing he calls his wife. The sooner the better.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Shaggy

tom67 said:


> This^^^ and let good longtime friends know what has happened so you have a support network you can't keep this bottled up jmo.


There is a good chance that some friends may well have hooked up with her and she only revealed ones that weren't part of the friends known to the husband to protect them.


----------



## Shaggy

bandit.45 said:


> Agreed.
> 
> I'm against this timeline stuff. Unless the OP is a masochist, why would he want the details? He needs to hire a lawyer and get away from this evil thing he calls his wife. The sooner the better.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I think the timeline is to help reveal the gaping holes in her story.


----------



## tom67

Shaggy said:


> There is a good chance that some friends may well have hooked up with her and she only revealed ones that weren't part of the friends known to the husband to protect them.


Sigh-that could very well have happened.


----------



## Mustang1968

I found out today that my wife made the OM things for his apartment. As I look around our house I realize there's nothing here that she has made. I also came to the realization today that she basically lives a life of leisure. She has been going out of her way lately to tell me she loves me every chance she gets. I have seen anger from her at the OM's wife for informing me of her cheating. She even wrote her a nasty email accusing her of harassment. I am generous by nature but the veil has been lifted and I am angry that I was taken advantage of. I am going to consult a lawyer for advice on where to go from here. I am also going to start seeing a therapist. BTW, she was seeing a therapist and a psychiatrist for her panic disorder and never mentioned her problem of sleeping with other men. Guess she didn't think that needed to be mentioned because she had it under control and it wasn't a problem.


----------



## Shaggy

One thing you can do is post all the OM up on cheaterville.com and to get her a polygraph this week.


----------



## LongWalk

Angry at the OM's wife? That's not remorse. If she were remorseful, she'd be grateful that the deceit is over and that you can no longer be hurt by fresh betrayal, grateful that she now can begin repairing your relationship. No, words will not suffice here.


----------



## jack.c

cant believe you are still uncertain on "what to do?" 

FILE!


----------



## happyman64

Mustang

I think IC for you is a great idea.

Go see an attorney so you understand your rights.

And do not tell her what you are doing, planning or thinking right now.

She is not worthy of your counsel.

HM


----------



## Shaggy

Have you thought about what she would have to do before you'd see her as having gone too far and you'd be filing?

Where is your line in the sand?


----------



## PamJ

<<Angry at the OM's wife? That's not remorse. If she were remorseful, she'd be grateful that the deceit is over and that you can no longer be hurt by fresh betrayal, grateful that she now can begin repairing your relationship. No, words will not suffice here.>>

Agree, even my WH's OW (EA) apologized to me for hurting me, again (2 Xs same OW) and it was not nearly as heinous as what you are discovering has happened. Her anger is greatly misplaced.

I think talking to a lawyer and getting some IC is a great idea for you right now. Take back the power.


----------



## mahike

I was married for 30 years when I found out my wife had a year long A. It was devastating. I am not sure how I would have handled multiple partners over a number of years.

Take this in steps. See a lawyer about your rights in your state, get into IC right now and get checked for a full panels of STD's again. You do not believe anything she has told you at this point so do not take her word about this either. Protect yourself!

Start the 180 now and start taking care of yourself. I imagine your head is spinning and most of it has to do with painful mind movies. I have not read the whole string I hope you have confided in a friend or family member. You need support to get through this.

As far as remorse goes it does not sound like she is there. After you talk with the lawyer I would consider throwing her out no matter what you decide R or D. She needs a wake up call and you need some peace of mind


----------



## Shaggy

And schedule a polygraph ASAP. You need to know the full extent of her cheating.

Be prepared for the parking lot confession outside the polygraph office.

When she does, keep the appointment because she'll still be minimizing with the parking lot confession,

See she's been lying so much for so long, that telling the truth is simply something she's lost the ability to do.


----------



## mahike

I should tell you if you are think of trying to R. It is a long, bumpy road, with lots of twists and pain to deal with. At this point I can say I am glad we are working on things.

At the same time I have come to the realization that R will never be something that ends. It will always be something from our past a pain that she inflicted on our marriage and our family.

I still have sleepless nights but it is now once in awhile and not every night and most of the time when I have a drink it is for enjoyment and not trying to drown my pain. 

I am not sure if the Pain and the Sleepless nights will ever completely go away


----------



## Acabado

Shaggy said:


> And schedule a polygraph ASAP. You need to know the full extent of her cheating.
> 
> Be prepared for the parking lot confession outside the polygraph office.
> 
> When she does, keep the appointment because she'll still be minimizing with the parking lot confession,
> 
> See she's been lying so much for so long, that telling the truth is simply something she's lost the ability to do.


I highly doubt, given her current mindset she would ever agree to a polygraph. She won't let herself go so far to a last minute/parking lot confession wich of course will be a "confession" itself.
She will ask time to think, to consult her spych, will deflect, delay... No chancein hell she's going to spill the beans.


----------



## tom67

Acabado said:


> I highly doubt, given her current mindset she would ever agree to a polygraph. She won't let herself go so far to a last minute/parking lot confession wich of course will be a "confession" itself.
> She will ask time to think, to consult her spych, will deflect, delay... No chancein hell she's going to spill the beans.


Well to me that makes his decision easy then doesn't it.:iagree:


----------



## Dad&Hubby

I know this sounds bad Mustang, but given the level of betrayal...this is the only advice I can give.

1. Make her get a job. This is to help with number 2.
2. After she has a job, divorce her. Her being employed will help you keep more money. It's still going to cost a lot, but every penny will be worth it.
3. AFTER the divorce, go out and date. At 51, you're going to be MOBBED by women. Find a wonderful woman that will love and respect you the way you deserve.
4. Enjoy watching your 51 year old wife suffer greatly because, as much as she can have her flings, when she's single and alone, those same flings start to feel pretty hollow when noone actually loves you.


----------



## Shaggy

So here is what I think her plan is.

1. Continue to deny to anything more.Only admit what you've found out.

2. Repeat it, and keep telling you how she's not like that, that you are the one for her, that you should be happy that after years and hundred of sexual encounters with these men, that she chose you. That you won!

3. She'll maybe throw some sex at you.

4. she'll throw some tears and snot

5. She'll make you feel guilty as hell for even thinking of abandoning her now when she needs your love and help and support more than ever.

6. Btw, based on her past conspiracy to protect her affairs and lovers, she'll be actively right now taking steps to cover her tracks even better. She'll be reaching out to former and current lovers to synchronize stories, and warning them that their shared lifestyle of hookups maybe exposed by you.

7. She'll be telling current ones to lay low for a while until she gets you back on the dark, and that when she's having sex with you to get you complacent, that she'll really be thinking of them, but she has to do this to protect her financial support system. That once the storm has cleared that she will be in touch and they'll hook up soon.

It's called damage control. They have places like AM for hook ups like hers and there used to be a ******* site that gave advice on how to handle husbands who caught onto some of the truth.


Actions you might want to take

1. Purge her wardrobe of intimate clothes. Now you know those sext lingerie, shoes, clothes have never been for you. So get them out of the house.

2. Do you have any old computers or cell phones sitting in closets from years ago? See if you can get into them and find old messages etc.

3. Put a key logger onto her computer and vars in the house to see who she's talking to during the day.

4. You say she doesn't go out, so have men come to her at your house?


The fact that you haven't left sounds like her plan is working. See, shock of betrayal wears off in time. She's banking on you deciding the you are more afraid of dumping her and you maybe being alone, than you are of staying and going through the hell of accepting what she did to you.


----------



## jnj express

You are not to far in yrs. from that point where you would be with your spouse 24/7/365----based on retirement----the question you need to decide is can you stand being with her----knowing what she has done to you

Take the facts---1st she is still treating you as 2nd class, or her backup plan----she shows a temper agst---the betrayed wife of her present lover---and he is still a lover, as she is still in contact with him----

WHAT RIGHT DOES YOUR WIFE HAVE TO DISPLAY A TEMPER AGST THE OTHER BETRAYED WIFE---THAT WOMAN IS TRYING TO PROTECT HER OWN MGE---SHE IS FIGHTING FOR HER OWN MGE---AND YOUR WIFE, WHO IS A HOMEWRECKER, WHO KNOWS HOW MANY TIMES OVER---IS MAD AT HER---YOUR WIFE IS SPOSE TO BE SHOWING REMORSE AND WORKING ON HER OWN MGE---AND WHAT DOES SHE DO, SHE GETS MAD AT THE OTHER BETRAYED WIFE---YOUR WIFE IS NOT INTO YOUR MGE., WHATSOEVER---BASED ON THAT ONE FACT ALONE

Add to that---she still was on the dating site, up until you confronted her with proof she couldn't lie about

Her panic attacks---where was the panic, as she went out to meet all her lovers

The cancer is not a good thing, but the only thing it might have done is to slow down her escort service activities

How bad could your mge have been---yet she has lied for WHO KNOWS HOW LONG, as she looks you in the eyes night after night and said everything was OK---how many nights were you given sloppy 2nds---if given sex at all-------how many times were you replaced as the H, by her wanting to be with a lover, and then being FORCED TO COME HOME TO YOU---for you see, you were the boring, same old, same old H---you were there, and you were/are her bankroll

Can you really spend the rest of your life with her---knowing the real FACTS


----------



## Mustang1968

Another complication arose today. I went through all of her email contacts and based on IM status and other things identified some of her other lovers. One of the men has a Facebook page with wedding pictures of himself and wife and they looked extremely young. She may be in the same situation that I am in. I told my wife that she needs to be informed that she should be tested for STD's. My wife doesn't want to inform her and ruin her life as well as the lives of their four children. My feeling is that she is at risk for cervical cancer and other things and needs this information. My wife said it would ruin the kids lives. I asked her if having their mother die from cervical cancer wouldn't ruin their lives? 
I asked her if she wore her wedding band while she was screwing the OM. She did. She didn't even have the decency to take it off while she was betraying me. She sees her therapist tomorrow. I told her that I wan't her to give the therapist permission to talk to me so that I can make sure she doesn't minimize or sugar coat what she's done. 
Lots of tears and "I'm sorries" today.


----------



## tom67

Mustang1968 said:


> Another complication arose today. I went through all of her email contacts and based on IM status and other things identified some of her other lovers. One of the men has a Facebook page with wedding pictures of himself and wife and they looked extremely young. She may be in the same situation that I am in. I told my wife that she needs to be informed that she should be tested for STD's. My wife doesn't want to inform her and ruin her life as well as the lives of their four children. My feeling is that she is at risk for cervical cancer and other things and needs this information. My wife said it would ruin the kids lives. I asked her if having their mother die from cervical cancer wouldn't ruin their lives?
> I asked her if she wore her wedding band while she was screwing the OM. She did. She didn't even have the decency to take it off while she was betraying me. She sees her therapist tomorrow. I told her that I wan't her to give the therapist permission to talk to me so that I can make sure she doesn't minimize or sugar coat what she's done.
> Lots of tears and "I'm sorries" today.


I'm fuming reading this. Well it's your job then to let her know if she isn't going to wth he and her ruined your m too bad!


----------



## jnj express

I guess in all reality---your wife has a lot of wives to notify, they need to get checked for STD-------as to her partners---let them suffer whatever fate hits them, for screwing around with another mans wife

Am sorry to say, but your wife is a real piece of work!!!!!!!


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## MattMatt

Mustang1968 said:


> Another complication arose today. I went through all of her email contacts and based on IM status and other things identified some of her other lovers. One of the men has a Facebook page with wedding pictures of himself and wife and they looked extremely young. She may be in the same situation that I am in. I told my wife that she needs to be informed that she should be tested for STD's. My wife doesn't want to inform her and ruin her life as well as the lives of their four children. My feeling is that she is at risk for cervical cancer and other things and needs this information. My wife said it would ruin the kids lives. I asked her if having their mother die from cervical cancer wouldn't ruin their lives?
> I asked her if she wore her wedding band while she was screwing the OM. She did. She didn't even have the decency to take it off while she was betraying me. She sees her therapist tomorrow. I told her that I wan't her to give the therapist permission to talk to me so that I can make sure she doesn't minimize or sugar coat what she's done.
> Lots of tears and "I'm sorries" today.


Of course she didn't take her wedding ring off! 

Why? Well, if she'd have done that, she would have had to admit to herself that she was betraying you. And, in her warped affair fog thinking, she wasn't betraying you, she was just having some fun times with another man/men.


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## LongWalk

Mustang, you are doing well, all things considered. Really. Your wife is sensing your strength and wanting you to use it to save her. But if you do that you'll feel even worse. No, she must really feel for you. Right now she is still trying to prevent collateral damage.

Get her to write the OMW to warn her about about HPV. My cousin died of cervical cancer and she believed her ex gave it to her after cheating with a his dope smoking younger woman.


----------



## badbane

user_zero said:


> - Get test for the STD's
> - Talk with a lawyer to know your rights
> - Talk with an IC
> - If you have a close friend or family member that you can talk about this with , go ahead call them , meet them , talk with them.
> - if you have joint account , credit card or something take care of them. make sure she can't mess you financially.
> - if you can leave work for a few days, do it. if not tell your boss about your situation. yes I know its embarrassing but trust me this way they can help you by lowering work hour or something.
> - use VAR's every time you interact with your wife. she can't be trusted.
> - if she ever threaten to harm herself or anything like that, inform her family.
> - expose the affair to everyone (family , friends , ...) it helps a lot trust me. if they hear it from your wife, she would probably downplay the whole thing.
> - you didn't said anything about children. if you have any, they have to know why you are divorcing.
> 
> whatever you do , just remember you didn't deserve this. there is no way you could be responsible for her screwed-up decisions. BELIEVE that YOU DESERVE BETTER THAN THIS. take care of yourself. Good Luck.
> 
> PS : I want to say to end your marriage at this point would be the best choice, but I'm sorry to say that I doubt you had any marriage.


He has genital warts.


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## MattMatt

badbane said:


> He has genital warts.


But that does not mean he might not have other STDs courtesy of his wife's cheating lifestyle.


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## Acabado

It was a huge mistake to informe her about exposing the truth to this woman. It should be you the one to tell her, victim to victim, with empathy and without warning your wife; she's clearly in full damage control, cutting avenues to keep you in the dark, lashing out to those poor wives... she's warning this man as we are speaking and that woman will suffer the same treatment you have being suffering: gaslighting and emotional abuse. This very moment this OM is warning his wife about a total nut job, abusive monster who potential is gpoinf to contact her to make horrible accusations.

When did she start with this crap, man?
Did you talk to a lawyer?
Did you already demand the timeline plus the polygraph?
Have you the snooping tools in place?

A new warning: please, please don't back off on exposing those wives no matter whay her psych will say, and it's a garantee she will be opposed to it, her role is to make things as easy as she can and to protect your wife even from herself.


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## WyshIknew

Mustang, obviously what you decide is completely up to you.

However, although I think this has been pointed out to you before, I think it bears repeating.

Over the years she has been used to grabbing a bit of strange whenever she felt like it. I'm not a psychiatrist, far from it, but I suspect this type of behaviour is now ingrained in her very psyche.

She has admitted to 10 episodes of adultery. Do you think there were more?
Is she only admitting to those that she had sex with?

Is she not counting kissing, fondling, BJ's etc?

How the heck can she guarantee that she won't give in to this compulsion 2 months. 6 months, 2 years from now?

It's not as if she had a fling with one man then regretted it.


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## MattMatt

There's probably a reason why she is like she is. Some trauma in her childhood, perhaps?

But her lifestyle is putting your life at risk. That needs to be considered.


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## Shaggy

Mustang,

Does she say why and how she began?


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## Machiavelli

Mustang, you're 51. Not young, but not too old to move on to faster horses and younger women. If you've got a young attitude, you could still be a father, if reproduction interests you. 

Get in the shape of your life by taking up weight training and get your waist at the navel down to 32". You will soon have a number of 30 year old divorcées on your doorstep. One of my clients is 72 and has a very attractive 36 year old wife. Another is 62 and dates a rotation of 40 year-olds.

Whatever you decide, you need to get rid of this woman.


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## jnj express

Hey wishIknew---it ain't 10 episodes of sex---its 10 men that she has so far admitted to---how many times, she carried out her escort service, ----who knows


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## Shaggy

jnj express said:


> Hey wishIknew---it ain't 10 episodes of sex---its 10 men that she has so far admitted to---how many times, she carried out her escort service, ----who knows


Yeah, when you add it all up, there is a very good chance that its more times than she's ha she's with the OP in total.

Given that it seems she did anything, there are likely threesomes and other women involved too. Basically hardcore swinging.


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## illwill

Based on how u have dealt with her awful behavior why would she stop cheating? And why on earth is she still in your house?


----------



## aug

Mustang1968 said:


> Another complication arose today. I went through all of her email contacts and based on IM status and other things identified some of her other lovers. One of the men has a Facebook page with wedding pictures of himself and wife and they looked extremely young. She may be in the same situation that I am in. I told my wife that she needs to be informed that she should be tested for STD's. My wife doesn't want to inform her and ruin her life as well as the lives of their four children. My feeling is that she is at risk for cervical cancer and other things and needs this information. My wife said it would ruin the kids lives. I asked her if having their mother die from cervical cancer wouldn't ruin their lives?
> I asked her if she wore her wedding band while she was screwing the OM. She did. She didn't even have the decency to take it off while she was betraying me. She sees her therapist tomorrow. I told her that I wan't her to give the therapist permission to talk to me so that I can make sure she doesn't minimize or sugar coat what she's done.
> Lots of tears and "I'm sorries" today.



It seems to me that you have accepted your lot in life. You're going to spend your remaining years with her.

The repulsion of what she had done and is still doing does not seem to really faze you.

What good is a therapist when she had decades of this behavior and is still continuing? It's so deeply ingrained in her character that it'll require brain surgery to remove.


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## Aunt Ava

Mustang, so sorry that your world has been turned upside down and inside out. You have received excellent advise, take some time to absorb it all. I am horrified and somewhat nauseated reading of your spouses betrayal, but this just leaves me shaking my head in disbelief.


Mustang1968 said:


> I have seen anger from her at the OM's wife for informing me of her cheating. She even wrote her a nasty email accusing her of harassment.


She has the unmitigated gall to email her AP's betrayed wife accusing her of harassment? UFB, truly unbelievable. You might want to mention that nugget to her therapist.


----------



## Aunt Ava

Mustang1968 said:


> Another complication arose today. I went through all of her email contacts and based on IM status and other things identified some of her other lovers. One of the men has a Facebook page with wedding pictures of himself and wife and they looked extremely young. She may be in the same situation that I am in. I told my wife that she needs to be informed that she should be tested for STD's. My wife doesn't want to inform her and ruin her life as well as the lives of their four children. My feeling is that she is at risk for cervical cancer and other things and needs this information. My wife said it would ruin the kids lives. I asked her if having their mother die from cervical cancer wouldn't ruin their lives?


She just doesn't get it. The cheating husband is destroying the family. As her cheating has ruined your relationship. Warning the AP's betrayed wife of a possible life threatening STD is the only decent human thing to do.


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## WyshIknew

jnj express said:


> Hey wishIknew---it ain't 10 episodes of sex---its 10 men that she has so far admitted to---how many times, she carried out her escort service, ----who knows


Yeah realise that, just a bad choice of words. I meant what you said!

And as for the 'old at 51 thing' I don't think I have that ratio thing although my trousers are 32". And I can assure you that at 56 were I not now happily married I would have no problem filling the gap left by my wife.

It's strange, in your 50's a good, dependable man who has looked after himself physically and can still get it up almost seems to be viewed as an Adonis by some ladies.


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## MelodyAnn

This is so heartbreaking!! You have invested 35 years in this relationship, and you literally wake up one day and find out your wife is not the person you believed she was. She is someone else! Like a wolf in sheep's clothing. I cannot imagine the enormous sense of betrayal, the sense of loss and futility in life you are likely experiencing. I am sure you have thought of divorce. At the same time you might yearn on some level for reconciliation and a way to believe your spouse again. Here are a couple of questions to consider: Do you think you can ever trust her again? Do you think the trust would be warranted? For many, many years she has lead a double life. She has been able to look you in the eyes, pretending to be a loyal partner, while carrying on sexual and emotional relationships with others. She says she loves you. Is that how real love is supposed to look like? It's overwhelming to find out the entire relationship for years has been a lie from her side. Like when a person we love dies, we don't want to believe it. First, it will take time to overcome your denial and disbelief. It is a process, but you can come to terms with the loss in time. A grief counselor, or any qualified counselor may be able to provide some help, and solace. It's therapeutic and relieving just to have someone to talk to and get things off your chest. It's what we women (most of us) do by nature, for free, with our female friends and sisters. Men sometimes have a hard time expressing and sharing their grief, but learning that behavior can be facilitated by a counselor. 

There has been a lot of discussion on here about the number of partners your wife has had. Really consider, does it matter to you if it's ten or twenty or thirty? The issue is the same regardless of the number of partners. The issue it seems is that there has been a long-term pattern of betrayal spanning many years that was completely hidden from you all this time. And when you were getting clued in, there was every effort on her part to deceive and continue to keep you in the dark. There has just been no honesty that you can rely on in this individual. No fundamental honesty at all. There has also been talk here about submitting her to a polygraph. Her taking a polygraph at this point is really pointless, and solves nothing. If it reveals more betrayals, what does that prove? A polygraph is only helpful if you can tolerate 10 partners, but have a cut-off somewhere above 10 partners. So if you can' t tolerate 17 partners, for example, but can forgive any number below 17, then a polygraph might make sense. Please consider, what are your deal-breakers in a marriage? Do your deal-breakers include infidelity, dishonesty, and reckless disregard for your health (as in willingness to pass STDs to you through unprotected sex), or are your deal-breakers something else? If these are your deal-breakers, then being hung up on details like number of partners will take away from your focus on what's really important to you. 

Sometimes couples stay in marriages after infidelity and other deal-breakers if they feel the overall outcome of divorce will hurt their young children. If you have children, and they are adults living their own lives, you at least don't have to worry about the burden of damaging young children in their developmental years. You have the blessing of being able to be purely selfish (in a good way) and decide what you think will be best for you, and only you. You can leave this relationship, if that's what you want, without any potential feelings of guilt over hurting growing children in a divorce. True, your adult children will be saddened, but they will understand, and their developmental years are past now, I presume.

Then there is the fear of being alone, which presents itself to any of us, at any age, when a long-term relationship or marriage fails. It's the biggest demon I think that keeps us trapped in an unhealthy relationship. Who would want someone who lies and cheats and hurts our health? Nobody! None of us would want such a person, if asked in advance, let's say by a genie with a crystal ball. But you've already gotten this bad hand of cards in life as far as this mate is concerned, and it's hard to leave after the fact, after the relationship has already existed, no matter how crappy the hand. It would be so nice to have a guarantee that if you played the game again, you'd get a good hand. Sadly, life has no guarantees. Wish it did! The hard part about life is, how do we *muster the courage to try again* when there is no guarantee of success? It's what makes decisions about relationships so hard. And, while you've invested many years into this crappy hand of cards, you can still muster that courage to try again! It takes a real act of faith in what the future can hold. If you do leave the comfort and familiarity of a relationship you have learned is false and abusive, life *can and will get better*.
If you can't jump into the decision of divorce right away, perhaps you can try separation. Have your wife move out. She cheated repeatedly and deceived unconscionably. Don't pity her or feel sorry for her! Maybe she can just move in with one of her guys. I want to just say "WHO CARES??!!". But, I know _you _do, and that is the draw. But, however you do it, I think you need to try separation. While you're separated, mingle and date and get your feet in the water again when it comes to socializing with the opposite sex. When you get out there, you will see that there are other options for you. The knowledge that there are other appealing options of mates for you can make a tremendous difference in recovering from the sense of loss brought on by infidelity. Nowadays, there are all kinds of websites for dating, for all types of people and all ages. All dating websites are not seedy hook-up sites for discreet affairs and casual sex like the one your wife used. The website she used I'm sure is very popular among cheaters. On the flip-side there are websites for people who are single, divorced, and separated who are serious about finding long-term companions for serious relationships, love, and even marriage. You may not feel ready to consider all this, but maybe come back to it when you're ready. Just know that life doesn't have to be bleak and empty after separation and divorce. You have other options. You *always* have other options. It's just a matter of when _you_ are emotionally ready to consider them and pursue them!


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## PamJ

<<. My wife doesn't want to inform her and ruin her life as well as the lives of their four children. My feeling is that she is at risk for cervical cancer and other things and needs this information. My wife said it would ruin the kids lives. I asked her if having their mother die from cervical cancer wouldn't ruin their lives?>>

Using excuses like this so she doesn't have to own up to the havoc she has wreaked is typical. She wasn't worried about the OM's kids when she was involved with him. And she doesn't want to ruin the life of the OM'sW ...too late! Excuses. 

You both write the NC letter to the OM and send it. That way HE knows that YOU know. Also send a letter to the OM'sW. She needs this information to be able to decide how to proceed with her life. Even if it is to stay with the OM she has the right to this info.


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## Aunt Ava

MelodyAnn, your post should be a stickie for every newly person betrayed to read. Beautifully written.


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## Machiavelli

WyshIknew said:


> It's strange, in your 50's a good, dependable man who has looked after himself physically and can still get it up almost seems to be viewed as an Adonis by some ladies.


no question about it.


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## doubletrouble

Mustang1968 said:


> I asked her if she wore her wedding band while she was screwing the OM. She did. She didn't even have the decency to take it off while she was betraying me.


That's a toughie. I haven't even had the balls to ask fWW if she took her ring off to bang OM. I bet she did, and I think nowadays that she took it off more often than I ever suspcted. And that just plain hits me in the face with a rock.


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## WyshIknew

Machiavelli said:


> no question about it.


Perhaps 'Adonis' was an exaggeration but you get the picture. Many men in their 50's have simply let themselves go.


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## MelodyAnn

Aunt Ava said:


> MelodyAnn, your post should be a stickie for every newly person betrayed to read. Beautifully written.


Thanks Aunt Ava. I just hope it is helpful to the poster and to others in his situation.


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## Machiavelli

WyshIknew said:


> Perhaps 'Adonis' was an exaggeration but you get the picture. Many men in their 50's have simply let themselves go.


Hey, it's all relative. In the Land of the Blind, the one-eyed man rules.


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## Headspin

Jesus these godamm cheaters. Does it never end 

Been where you are, but spread over two relationships of 20 years 

Serial cheats can never change. You can analyze it all to kingdom come, childhood problems, maybe abuse, maybe neglect and that's all valid in it's own way, BUT ultimately in the final analysis what it really means is that they completely fk up everybody elses life as well as their own.

I stopped giving them a sympathetic round of applause for that a long time ago 

Again the truth is what you have to recollect upon is that most of your marriage is a lie and she did'nt give two seconds of thought to that 

It will take time for you to grasp the full magnitude of it all but the mist of the betrayed 'fog' will gradually clear and you will see there is a better life than chasing through the wreckage that will always be in front of you should you entertain staying in it

In fact that's a good visualization all you have to look forward to here is wreckage - unending wreckage

Good luck with it all


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## LongWalk

Mustang, do you drive a Mustang. You deserve to buy yourself one, an old classic model to pick up dates in the summer.

Your wife cries and feels bad for other people. Right. She felt bad when she was fornicating with them them in secret, too. Their wives deserve to know. Make her write letters of confession and apology to them.


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## GROUNDPOUNDER

The OP hasn't logged in for 10 days. I wonder if he told his WW that she needed to take a poly. She either out right said no, or is giving monumental TT to 'Stang and he's had enough.

You have to feel for someone like this, To find out the their whole marriage and more than half their life was a lie.


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## Shaggy

I suspect OP thought through it and concluded her story had enough recent holes in it that he is now bailing out on her.


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## Mustang1968

I went to my first session today with a counselor. I conveyed my story to her and she said that I had been dealt a crappy hand. That for the last 15 years my marriage had been a lie. She said it would take some time for me to sort this out and come to terms with it and that I would probably vacillate between wanting to keep what was comfortable and leaving for something new. I am fixated now on trying to find out as much about what was going on as humanly possible. My wife asked me why and I told her that the last 15 years weren't what I thought and I'm now trying to figure out exactly what they were. I have contacted some of the OM. I will tell you that if you want to get the attention of the man who slept with your wife try calling them at their place of employment. That gets their undivided attention. I guess they're afraid that you'll blow the whistle or tell someone they work with. Most had changed email accounts so that they were hard to contact but their work numbers were easy to find. I could hear fear in their voices when they asked me why I was calling.


----------



## ironman

Mustang1968 said:


> I am fixated now on trying to find out as much about what was going on as humanly possible. .


What on Earth for? Have you not taken enough abuse from this woman? You need more pain? Then carry on.




Mustang1968 said:


> I guess they're afraid that you'll blow the whistle or tell someone they work with


More likely they're afraid you're going to tell their wives.


Mustang1968, if this is a true story ... what the hell are you doing??? Get the heck out of this marriage if that's what you think it was ... I certainly don't, your counselor doesn't seem to either. Have some self respect man and move on with your life.

Quit wasting precious time.


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## Vulcan2013

Just divorce. You know more than enough.


----------



## Shaggy

Mustang, why are you with her?

She betrayed you for 15 solid years. Are you staying out of fear?

She surely has lost even more respect for you because before you were just the poor in the dark guy she cheated on continuously, you stayed because you didn't know the truth about her lack of love or respect for you.

But now you know. The marriage was a complete lie, and you were the guy who filled the time between dates and payed the bills.

So I'm asking, why are you still there?

Is there a actual breaking point where you will divorce her? Is there a point that your self esteem and pride will stop accepting the lies and abuse no more and will kick her out?


----------



## GROUNDPOUNDER

Mustang1968 said:


> ***EDITED DOWN***
> I am fixated now on trying to find out as much about what was going on as humanly possible. My wife asked me why and I told her that the last 15 years weren't what I thought and I'm now trying to figure out exactly what they were.


Well, once you start to realize how many men that she has had sex with, I think your decision of whether to R, or D will become much clearer.

I could understand wanting to give R a try if of the 15 years, she had one, or two affairs, but I think you're just trying to fool yourself into thinking that those 15 years were "good" years.

They weren't.

Your wife continually had sex with dozens of other men. Possibly hundreds of times. She gave you at least one STD to boot. And only stopped due to health problems and not because she felt guilty, or remorse.

You really need to think about that... You're holding on to those 15 years like it was pre-DDay. You have to remember that all that time, between birthdays and christmases she was having sex with other men. Between holidays and business trips she was having sex with other men. Even during your anniversaries, when you had romantic dinners and danced to your wedding song, how many weeks, or days before, or after that, had she been with another man.... Those special nights when you were thinking of her and only her, was she think of only you... Given the probable total number of OM, I'd say that it's highly doubtful.

These are the kind of things that you will wondering about whether you R, or D. If you decide to R though, the time that you'll spend pondering those questions with go up exponentially.


----------



## tom67

GROUNDPOUNDER said:


> Well, once you start to realize how many men that she has had sex with, I think your decision of whether to R, or D will become much clearer.
> 
> I could understand wanting to give R a try if of the 15 years, she had one, or two affairs, but I think you're just trying to fool yourself into thinking that those 15 years were "good" years.
> 
> They weren't.
> 
> Your wife continually had sex with dozens of other men. Possibly hundreds of times. She gave you at least one STD to boot. And only stopped due to health problems and not because she felt guilty, or remorse.
> 
> You really need to think about that... You're holding on to those 15 years like it was pre-DDay. You have to remember that all that time, between birthdays and christmases she was having sex with other men. Between holidays and business trips she was having sex with other men. Even during your anniversaries, when you had romantic dinners and danced to your wedding song, how many weeks, or days before, or after that, had she been with another man.... Those special nights when you were thinking of her and only her, was she think of only you... Given the probable total number of OM, I'd say that it's highly doubtful.
> 
> These are the kind of things that you will wondering about whether you R, or D. If you decide to R though, the time that you'll spend pondering those questions with go up exponentially.


THIS^^^ :iagree::iagree:


----------



## MelodyAnn

Mustang,

I am so happy to hear that you have begun counseling! I believe your counselor is right about every point she makes. And it is true, as she says, that you will likely vacillate between staying and leaving the relationship. I think that's only normal to vacillate - even when it's a crappy hand we get dealt in life, it's _our_ hand that we have invested many years in. Don't beat yourself up about that. Allow yourself the time to reflect and sort things through. Even though it seems to many on the list that you should just be able to instantly make up your mind, or else they imply 'what the heck is wrong with you', _allow yourself_ the time you need to come to terms with reality and decide for yourself what you want. You will see that if you spend the internal time necessary, your final decision will be stronger, firmer and well thought out. For example, if you leave (which I think is the better decision, by the way), you will have less regrets and self-doubt if you sort it all out in your head and heart first. 
I just hope you are able to gather the strength in the end to entertain a life without her. Odds are very good that life won't deal you such a crappy hand twice in a row! The next time around, you will get a far better hand, I'm sure! And you may be even luckier than most, and find someone who is a true soulmate.
But that cannot happen if you continue to accept someone who does not love you as you deserve to be loved in life. 
When I have a hard time making a decision, I just picture myself on my deathbed someday, and envision the moment where I ask myself the question, did I go after everything I really wanted, and will I die with any regrets? Life is so short, and there are so many opportunities that we squander, until when all our time runs out, we wish we could go back and do it differently. 
Just don't let your dreams of what you want in life, including your love life, die with the disappointment this woman has brought to your life. Don't be afraid to try again, to find a real love in your life!

MelodyAnn


----------



## barbados

Mustang, 

I'm very curious if now in hindsight and with the beginnings of therapy, if you now see that signs were there that she had been cheating that you either missed or ignored ?


----------



## WyshIknew

barbados said:


> Mustang,
> 
> I'm very curious if now in hindsight and with the beginnings of therapy, if you now see that signs were there that she had been cheating that you either missed or ignored ?


I agree.

Although I suppose it is easy to sit here and say there must have been signs she does sound like a very accomplished adulteress.


----------



## barbados

WyshIknew said:


> I agree.
> 
> Although I suppose it is easy to sit here and say there must have been signs she does sound like a very accomplished adulteress.


I agree. She may just have been very good at it and that there were not signs along the way. That is why I am curious, because many threads here have people that say in hindsight that there were signs, but ironically they ignored them because they didn't know what the signs of infidelity are.

Very much in the same way that many posters say :"If only they had found TAM before..."


----------



## MrK

This is not intended to be mean, purely an observation:

I don't feel NEARLY so bad about my ****ed up life as I did 5 minutes ago.

Good luck, man. No advice. I can't even imagine going through this. One thing I CAN relate to is trying to fix this kind of thing after she's been a good wife for a few years. It's tough. Not so easy to just end it.

Good luck.


----------



## Philat

Mustang1968 said:


> I went to my first session today with a counselor. I conveyed my story to her and she said that I had been dealt a crappy hand. That for the last 15 years my marriage had been a lie. She said it would take some time for me to sort this out and come to terms with it and that I would probably vacillate between wanting to keep what was comfortable and leaving for something new. I am fixated now on trying to find out as much about what was going on as humanly possible. My wife asked me why and I told her that the last 15 years weren't what I thought and I'm now trying to figure out exactly what they were. I have contacted some of the OM. I will tell you that if you want to get the attention of the man who slept with your wife try calling them at their place of employment. That gets their undivided attention. I guess they're afraid that you'll blow the whistle or tell someone they work with. Most had changed email accounts so that they were hard to contact but their work numbers were easy to find. I could hear fear in their voices when they asked me why I was calling.


Some posters don't understand wanting all the details, but I think I do. Whatever happens going forward M wants to know exactly what kind of cards he's playing with. The more ignorant you are the more foolish you feel. After all that WW has admitted, there really isn't too much more hurt that can be inflicted anyway, is there?


----------



## "joe"

WyshIknew said:


> And as for the 'old at 51 thing' I don't think I have that ratio thing although my trousers are 32". And I can assure you that at 56 were I not now happily married I would have no problem filling the gap left by my wife.
> 
> It's strange, in your 50's a good, dependable man who has looked after himself physically and can still get it up almost seems to be viewed as an Adonis by some ladies.


i'm 56 too. where are these women you speak of?


----------



## arbitrator

*I would greatly think that this poster just about says it all for you in your long-term episode of infidelity:*


----------



## WyshIknew

"joe" said:


> i'm 56 too. where are these women you speak of?


Everywhere.

Where are you looking?

What are you looking for?

How are you looking?

What is your 'bait' like?

(Wouldn't normally jack a thread like this but I think it is relevant to show Mustang his options.


----------



## Shaggy

Mustang, 

You seem to be on the path of wanting to know things, but unwilling to act on them, no matter he bad they are, you just suck up the humiliation and pain and go back and smile at your wife and ask her if you can get her anything.

I'm not saying that to attack you.

I'm worried that you are building up a powder keg of resentment, suffering, pain etc. and that it's going to explode big time.

Or you will internalize it and let it rot you inside yourself.

That's why I earlier asked where your line is; the line where you stop accepting and move on from her and the lies.

People who have betrayed you for 15 years and dozens of sex partners, hookups, and dates do not suddenly become reformed an loyal.

Your wife was motivated by something deep inside herself to put tremendous energy and time into meeting and building relationships with these men. She lived a fully single life at the same time appearing to live with you. The open marriage took a lot of work to maintain , and she did it because it was important to her.

That drive to be that person and the moral values that permitted her to betray you without guilt or worry are fundamental parts of who she is even today.

It's as much about the sex she had as the easy choice for her to betray you.


----------



## "joe"

joe said:


> where are these women you speak of
> 
> 
> WyshIknew said:
> 
> 
> 
> Everywhere.
Click to expand...

:scratchhead:



> Where are you looking?


it's early yet, it'll be a few months before i'm able but first place will be friends of friends



> What are you looking for?


at this point, someone sane.



> What is your 'bait' like?


i have no bait that i know of, i'm just me, a sane, financially responsible, drily funny guy with only a few friends.


----------



## WyshIknew

"joe" said:


> :scratchhead:
> 
> 
> 
> it's early yet, it'll be a few months before i'm able but first place will be friends of friends
> 
> 
> 
> at this point, someone sane.
> 
> 
> 
> i have no bait that i know of, i'm just me, a sane, financially responsible, drily funny guy with only a few friends.


Well add into that a reasonable fitness level and a show of confidence (not false bravado) and dress quite well and you'll be good to go.

I'm a happily married man and I'm astonished at how easy it would be to stray.

They are out there, you just have to find them. You can't expect them to come to you.

And I think this is what Mustang will find. He will be very marketable.

I know it is each to their own but at this stage of your life why would you want to spend the rest of it shackled to a woman like that when you could have a new faithfull woman.

Hey Mustang, have you asked your wife if she would be happy for you to hump a string of women?


----------



## Mustang1968

Mustang1968, if this is a true story ... what the hell are you doing??? Get the heck out of this marriage if that's what you think it was ... I certainly don't, your counselor doesn't seem to either. Have some self respect man and move on with your life.

Quit wasting precious time.[/QUOTE]

Unfortunately this is a true story. Anyone who knows my wife would think I've lost my mind if I told them this story. She is a genuinely nice person. Church goer, does volunteer work, charitable, always willing to help a friend in need or to lend a hand when someone needs it. That's why I am still here. Her behavior is so contradictory to the person I know that I am having difficulty reconciling the two.


----------



## "joe"

WyshIknew said:


> Well add into that a reasonable fitness level and a show of confidence (not false bravado) and dress quite well and you'll be good to go.


actually, all those do apply 

sorry to hijack, mustang, i'm done, and i totally understand the conflicted feelings. stay strong however you can.


----------



## Thinkitthrough

Mustang 68: I can't imagine how you get your mind around this except that it will take time. So take the time. Do what you need to do, and when you sort it out, decide. I cannot think of anything your wife could do to make up for the number of OMs she was with, and that she actively sought them behind your back.
Go to counselling and find a counsellor who helps you. Monitor your wife, knowing you mzy not like what you find. Let her know that she is on a tenious thread and that you don't know what you want to do. Again, when you figurer it out, act decisively. I could not live with the idea of 7 oms, Can't imagine what you feel like, not sure there is anything left to reconcile for. Her betrayal is huge and if she really loved you she had a range of things besides cheating that she could have done. 
Good Luck and Stay Strong


----------



## Shaggy

Mustang1968 said:


> Mustang1968, if this is a true story ... what the hell are you doing??? Get the heck out of this marriage if that's what you think it was ... I certainly don't, your counselor doesn't seem to either. Have some self respect man and move on with your life.
> 
> Quit wasting precious time.


Unfortunately this is a true story. Anyone who knows my wife would think I've lost my mind if I told them this story. She is a genuinely nice person. Church goer, does volunteer work, charitable, always willing to help a friend in need or to lend a hand when someone needs it. That's why I am still here. Her behavior is so contradictory to the person I know that I am having difficulty reconciling the two.[/QUOTE]


Mustang,
There are people who act just like your wife, with the same level of compartmentalization, selfish secret life, and absolutely cold ruthless lack of remorse.

They are people with mental conditions that drive them to create and perpetutate one face to the public and even thise around them.

But they are also have a need to satisfy a darker, cold, ruthless other side where they will betray anyone without remorse or guilt. 

It's the kind of person that makes very good con artists. They also make very good serial cheaters. They also make very good long term defrauders - for example the kind that are an accountant for an organization for 30 years and it comes out later that they've been stealing for same 30 years.

Ever hear about they kindly grandmother like women who work in a office for 30 years managing the books or payables? Everyone sats how kind and generous and trust worthy they are. Only to have it come out that they've been ripping everyone off for years and years. They destroy people's lives and companies and feel zero guilt for doing it.

That is your wife. She wanted wild sex with dozen of partners. She couldn't get enough. 

So for 15 years she's done it, without guilt or remorse.

Have you taken her to a psychiatrist for evaluation? One where you tell the guy upfront if her behavior and the fact that she showed no emotion for 15 years and still won't honestly recognize the depth of her betrayal of you?


This wasn't her finding one other guy to have a romantic relationship with. It was her signing up to live an open marriage lifestyle for 15 years with any guy who would have her.

There is something deeply deeply broken inside her emotionally and mental healthwise that would enable her to do that without her breaking down years ago out of pure guilt.

Yet, her too worry and priority reminded not getting caught, because it would prevent her from being able to do it.

Again, think about the time and effort she put into maintaining two entirely separate lives, and making sure they didn't cross.

Did she feel nervous and afraid that she might hurt you? Nope. Not even when she gave you the STD.

She calmly looked you in the eye for years and told you nothing was going on. She made hook up plans with men for hours of sex, and looked you in the eye, smiled and told you some cover story about why she would be gone for hours, and why when she came home she was tired and not interested in sex with you. At least I hope she had the decency to not have sex with you right after a sex session.

The sheer amount of mental effort required by her to lead two separate lives and hide her true lifestyle from her husband for 15 years is outstanding and it's simply not something normal people could pull off or maintain without becoming exhausted over worried basket cases.

Yet she was able to pull it off for 15 years with out you suspecting even once.

I can tell from your actions and writings that you still don't believe that she actually did it. That it must have been another person, or that its an elaborate hoax, or that she must have been forced or blackmailed or something , because fundamentally the person you see every day could not be the person that did such a heinous thing without guilt or remorse or feeling.

And yet she is that person.

Do you have a point at which you will leave her?


----------



## LostViking

I believe some would label your wife a sociopath. 

A quintessential wolf in sheep's clothing. You need to divorce her and stay as far away from her as you can. She is dangerous and sick.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Silvr Surfer

Holy smokes. This is a nightmare. Good luck buddy.


----------



## Silvr Surfer

I may have missed it, but how long ago did this stop? If it stopped a while ago, I would strongly suggest you go to counselling with her and work out all you are feeling. Sometimes all the complex emotions make real communication difficult and lack of communication can set you back significantly.

One thing that also would be good is hearing what her motivations for starting and then for stopping the affair were.

Again, so sorry buddy. Good luck with this.


----------



## ironman

Mustang1968 said:


> Unfortunately this is a true story. Anyone who knows my wife would think I've lost my mind if I told them this story. She is a genuinely nice person. Church goer, does volunteer work, charitable, always willing to help a friend in need or to lend a hand when someone needs it. That's why I am still here. Her behavior is so contradictory to the person I know that I am having difficulty reconciling the two.


Sir,

she has lead a double-life. A life like those people you hear about from time to time who start new families in multiple states simultaneously. I'm sure to each of their spouses they seemed genuine enough, but once the truth is out ... well.

You've been wronged, callously by this woman. She's not a wife ... she's been using you all along. Don't be fooled by her words and appearance ... you already know the truth. There is no marriage to salvage here. It's time to snap out of it and get on with your life ... away from this woman.

Divorcing her and moving on with your life is the fastest way to begin the healing process for yourself. I don't understand why you wish to torture yourself by digging for more details or trying to understand her any further ... you know too much of the unfortunate truth already.

That's all I got. Best of luck to you.


----------



## alte Dame

We always feel that the longer the marriage, the more difficult the task of deciding to end things. It's hard for the BS to call it quits for so many reasons - habit, residual love, shock, family, the sense that there isn't much time left to live, so it's too hard to 'start over,' etc.

All I can say is that I have 35 years invested, just like you, Mustang. If I found out that my H had done what your WW has done, the balance would tip enough for me such that none of the reasons above would matter. It would be 'enough is enough.' I wouldn't care how many years were invested. I wouldn't care how it affected the family. I wouldn't care that the behavior is 'out of character.'

No, I would know that I would not commit another minute of my life to a partner who could treat the marriage with such contempt. I would take my chances with the wider world. If I didn't find love again, then so what? I would survive. It would all be better than giving any more of my life to a huge lie like this


----------



## Vulcan2013

LostViking said:


> I believe some would label your wife a sociopath.
> 
> A quintessential wolf in sheep's clothing. You need to divorce her and stay as far away from her as you can. She is dangerous and sick.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


This x 1000


----------



## Shaggy

Heck, divorce her and write a book about her second life. Name names, you could make some money possibly.

Now that would be sweet payback.


----------



## GROUNDPOUNDER

Mustang1968 said:


> Unfortunately this is a true story. Anyone who knows my wife would think I've lost my mind if I told them this story. She is a genuinely nice person. Church goer, does volunteer work, charitable, always willing to help a friend in need or to lend a hand when someone needs it. That's why I am still here. *Her behavior is so contradictory to the person I know* that I am having difficulty reconciling the two.


That's just it, YOU NEVER KNEW WHO SHE REALLY WAS...

She may have been all those things to OTHER people, but to you, she was having sex with more men than she can probably remember, or account for.

She's a cheater of monumental proportions. I've only been reading threads here since August 2012, but your wife is in the top 5% for WS's for the posts I've read so far.

I wish you luck on trying to R, but I think it's not a matter of if, but when, you finally file for D - I guess you can say you gave it your best shot.

I know you're tired of reading my doom and gloom posts, but I do hope thatit all works out for you. Hopefully you decide on the path that will cause you the least pain from that point forward.


----------



## the guy

Mustang1968 said:


> Mustang1968, if this is a true story ... what the hell are you doing??? Get the heck out of this marriage if that's what you think it was ... I certainly don't, your counselor doesn't seem to either. Have some self respect man and move on with your life.
> 
> Quit wasting precious time.


 That's why I am still here. Her behavior is so contradictory to the person I know that I am having difficulty reconciling the two.[/QUOTE]

I'm wired different then most, so let me help you since you just explained the same crap about my old lady.

There are two sides to your chick and its time to take control of it and if our chick wants it, its time to step up to the plate.

You have boundries and she has needs...sorry bro but your old lady has to be handled...when their that freaky your have a choice step up or let them go.

Just like she has to make a choice to except your boundries or pound sand.

I will not share, thats just how I'm am...just like your old lady has to respect that or get the phuck out.

Sorry but sometimes you just have to make a choice and with that choice comes a responsablity, and it takes a different breed to handle phucked up chicks like yours and mine.

Get out now or grap the bull by the horns, cuz they will hurt you time and again if not!

My point here is if you and your chick wants to R you need to readdress how you work together to affair proof the marriage or she will phuck you over again.

So lets start with your chick being honest with who she is and how she wants to be treated as a women not as a wife....something you may or may not be able to hand...or want to handle!!!!!

Your old lady is a freak! The both of you need to come to terms with that first.....then deside if R is in the picture for the both of you.

If she wants to deny this aspect and not own her sh1t then let her go.....or she can own her crap and respect your boundries and work this crap out together.


----------



## Wolfman1968

Machiavelli said:


> Mustang, you're 51. Not young, but not too old to move on to faster horses and younger women. If you've got a young attitude, you could still be a father, if reproduction interests you.
> 
> Get in the shape of your life by taking up weight training and get your waist at the navel down to 32". You will soon have a number of 30 year old divorcées on your doorstep. One of my clients is 72 and has a very attractive 36 year old wife. Another is 62 and dates a rotation of 40 year-olds.
> 
> Whatever you decide, you need to get rid of this woman.



I agree, Machiavelli. It may not seem fair to women, but older men are in greater demand than older women. In some ways, it's turnabout for the disproportionate sexual power women have when they are young.

One quote I love:

"Men age like fine wine....women age like milk."


----------



## Kallan Pavithran

Mustang1968 said:


> Unfortunately this is a true story. Anyone who knows my wife would think I've lost my mind if I told them this story. She is a genuinely nice person. Church goer, does volunteer work, charitable, always willing to help a friend in need or to lend a hand when someone needs it. That's why I am still here. *Her behavior is so contradictory to the person I know* that I am having difficulty reconciling the two.



For 30 yrs she showed you only her one side, the other wild side she kept it with herself and with her sex partners. You thought you know her but actually you didnt, even after 30yrs of marriage. Its too sad.....

Now you know who she truly is, The side you saw now is the true one, other was a mask to cover her ugly face.

You can reconcile or Divorce but you should understand, with whom you are reconciling with. If you find her cheating again dont be surprised because that is what she truly is a women who dont respect her husband and monogamy is not for her.


----------



## bfree

This thread makes me so angry that I cannot say anything that would help and that I wouldn't get banned for. Mustang, I truly wish all the best for you and pray you will rid yourself of this evil influence in your life.


----------



## happyman64

Mustang

You are getting great advice with different views.

And while it looks like your wife has been living two different lives right in front of you what is more concerning is the health risks that she has exposed you and herself to.

It is obvious that you love your wife.

I do think she loves you in her own fashion.

Respect for you and your marriage is another issue.

It is clear you are very upset but I hope you come to realize that there is nothing wrong with you.

Your wife is sick. her desire to cheat, lie and have unprotected sex makes that very obvious.

Take your time with any decision. Make sure your wife gets help and gets checked out by a dr. and shrink.


You have all the time in the world to gather info, seek counseling and make a decision with respect to the future of your marriage.

All the time in the world.

HM64


----------



## MelodyAnn

Mustang1968 said:


> Mustang1968, if this is a true story ... what the hell are you doing??? Get the heck out of this marriage if that's what you think it was ... I certainly don't, your counselor doesn't seem to either. Have some self respect man and move on with your life.
> 
> Quit wasting precious time.


Unfortunately this is a true story. Anyone who knows my wife would think I've lost my mind if I told them this story. She is a genuinely nice person. Church goer, does volunteer work, charitable, always willing to help a friend in need or to lend a hand when someone needs it. That's why I am still here. Her behavior is so contradictory to the person I know that I am having difficulty reconciling the two.[/QUOTE]

Mustang,

It is a hard task to do indeed, to reconcile these two different faces. You must be able to see that the face you saw was NOT genuine. Since the two faces are so different, it makes it hard to accept the reality of what she has done. But, I hope you come to grips with reality. The cheating was not a bad dream, or a figment of your imagination, she really committed those acts. And the genital HPV you acquired from her on account of her cheating is a real thing, also not a figment of your imagination. 

She may be a 'nice person' in some parts of her life. But, she is not nice when it comes to being a truthful and faithful partner. In that compartment of her life, she simply was not nice. As someone else on this forum has said, many cheaters, (especially the long-term habitual cheaters), are highly capable of and skilled in 'compartmentalizing' their life. She thought she could forever get away with having a completely separate compartment in her life that did not involve you, where she could have sexual and emotional relationships with other partners. And, she entertained some illusion, or delusion, if you will, that it would never hurt you as long as you never found out. Well, you got an STD, and you found out the hurtful truth. You DID GET HURT, and badly. And knowing every painful detail of her infidelity will not take away the pain. Maybe you just need to know all of the ugly truth, because you know on a subconscious level that the uglier the details of the truth are, the easier it will make it emotionally for you to leave. I think a truth-hunting mission may help you, if it satisfies some of your questions and enables your departure.
As far as your wife being "charitable, always willing to help a friend in need or to lend a hand when someone needs it", please understand that her charitable behavior extended to giving away her body sexually and her heart emotionally to other men while lying to you. To those men she did more than lend a hand, she lent out her v----- when they were in need of it, and when she was in need of what they provided to her. It's the ugly truth. I hope you can reconcile the two seemingly different people as ONE AND THE SAME.
I think Shaggy is right about the fact that she put tremendous effort and deceit into living a separate life from you for so many years. That suggests this is an ingrained part of her that would be so difficult, if not near impossible, to change. If she is so skilled at keeping you in the dark, the most likely outcome, I'm sorry to say, is that she will claim that she's changed and reformed herself, but will actually just go deeper under the radar, and be even more careful about covering her tracks. And you may never know that's what she's doing until you pick up another STD from her.
I hope you can reconcile the truth in your mind, come to terms with reality, and gather the strength to leave. But as I said before, take the time you need to do the reflection and internal work you need to do in order to be firm in your decision.

Melody Ann


----------



## Mustang1968

I am leaving on a trip today. I need to get away and do a little soul searching. I don't have an itinerary, I'm just going to get in the car and drive and see where I end up. I appreciate everyone's support and comments.


----------



## Kallan Pavithran

Take your own time. No need for any hurry, she had 15 long yrs to practice how to handle her Dday but you are fresh. Take your own time.

But never R for the fear of being alone, there is plenty of fish in the sea.


----------



## Vulcan2013

Get some distance from her. Get some healing.


----------



## MelodyAnn

Mustang1968 said:


> I am leaving on a trip today. I need to get away and do a little soul searching. I don't have an itinerary, I'm just going to get in the car and drive and see where I end up. I appreciate everyone's support and comments.


Mustang,

I pray for solace, strength, and healthy soul searching on your trip! May the right answers come to you, and may you find peace in what you choose. Actually, the answers may or may not all come at once, but it is a wise decision you've made to get away and start the process of reflection!

Melody Ann


----------



## Mustang1968

I found an additional email account on my wife's computer using some password hacking software. She couldn't remember the password and I had tried to guess the password until the account was locked. Well, she remembered the password today while I was at work. There were only two emails left in the account, one of which was from me when I was verifying the email account. I did manage to find an IM conversation in the history which caught her by surprise. She immediately got upset and asked me not to read it. She has since logged into the account and changed the password. She also admitted to deleting some messages and emails prior to giving me access to the account. All from a women who claims that she's now being transparent. I have had several emails with the OM's wife who informed me of the affairs. My wife wants access to those emails which I have denied. I think my next step is the polygraph but that only makes sense if I plan to stay in the marriage. I go to counseling again next week. Maybe that will help if I can vent.


----------



## tom67

Mustang1968 said:


> I found an additional email account on my wife's computer using some password hacking software. She couldn't remember the password and I had tried to guess the password until the account was locked. Well, she remembered the password today while I was at work. There were only two emails left in the account, one of which was from me when I was verifying the email account. I did manage to find an IM conversation in the history which caught her by surprise. She immediately got upset and asked me not to read it. She has since logged into the account and changed the password. She also admitted to deleting some messages and emails prior to giving me access to the account. All from a women who claims that she's now being transparent. I have had several emails with the OM's wife who informed me of the affairs. My wife wants access to those emails which I have denied. I think my next step is the polygraph but that only makes sense if I plan to stay in the marriage. I go to counseling again next week. Maybe that will help if I can vent.


Mustang she has shown you who she truly is, believe her.
Move on.


----------



## Shaggy

Mustang, she continues to lie and deceive. Ask yourself who or what is she protecting with further lies? 

It isn't that she is incredibly promiscuous or liar - you know that.

Mustang you've never explained why she did it all. Why did she lead a complete second life as a serial cheater if she didn't want to leave you?

Why not have crazy sex with you? Why not include you in her swinger lifestyle?


----------



## the guy

In my case, my old lady just faced the fact that "yes there is more and here it is, have at it"

I felt a sense that Mrs. the-guy was wanting to get this monkey off her back and what ever came up months down the road was what it was...I mean I felt she owned her crap...no denial, no excuses...hell it (adultous life) went on for a long time so there is going to be something here and there.

My point is it sounds like your old lady would rather shut this out then own it and deal with it.

And thats a bad thing, when it comes to preventive maintenance in affair proofing her marriage.

I know you understand, but man, why couldn't she open up and the both of you look into what she once was and examine it for what it was instead of hiding from it.

I mean the both of you could have explored were she was when those email accounts were set up and when they were used.

As painful as it is for you she had a chance to get the monkey off her back no matter the consequences....but she choose to take two steps back instead of one step forward.

Sorry brother, the both of you *still* have a long way to go.

I mean how in the hell can she expect to grow old with you with this monkey on her back instead of owning and learning from it? I'd love to hear her response to this question.


----------



## GROUNDPOUNDER

Mustang1968 said:


> I think my next step is the polygraph but that only makes sense if I plan to stay in the marriage. I go to counseling again next week. Maybe that will help if I can vent.


This is akin to rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic.

She's still deleting and lying to you...

I guess some guys just have to learn the hard way.


----------



## tom67

GROUNDPOUNDER said:


> This is akin to rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic.
> 
> She's still deleting and lying to you...
> 
> I guess some guys just have to learn the hard way.


:banghead::banghead:


----------



## Kallan Pavithran

GROUNDPOUNDER said:


> This is akin to rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic.
> 
> She's still deleting and lying to you...
> 
> I guess some guys just have to learn the hard way.




if he learns the lesson then its good for him even if its in a hard way like this.

But the way he is acting is giving a hard time to believe he is going to learn any lesson soon...


----------



## GROUNDPOUNDER

Kallan Pavithran said:


> if he learns the lesson then its good for him even if its in a hard way like this.
> 
> But the way he is acting is giving a hard time to believe he is going to learn any lesson soon...


Oh, I think he'll eventually learn. He may be into his 60's, but he'll learn.

I believe the main problem here is that he's in his 50's and he's worried about starting over, or finding someone new. There's no guarantee that he'll be happy again, if he were to D his WS.

I know he's not going to be happy, for long time any way, if he stays married to her. He's never going to know the whole truth. With all the men that she's slept with and for a decade... The mind movies are going to be EPIC.

I feel bad for you Mustang, I truly do. But there are worse things in life than being alone for a little while. And I think staying married to your WS is one of them.


----------



## happyman64

Mustang

Your wife cheated on you for so long and with multiple men.

She has lied to you for so long.

She gave you a STD and lied to you about it.

Worse, she has you questioning the marriage but she is the one that did every sex act with the OM but most likely not you.

And now you find more evidence of her cheating and her desire to cover it up.

Whether your D or R do the polygraph.

And remember your wife has set the bar so low you can do much better.

HM


----------



## Mustang1968

I haven't posted anything in a while. 
I came back from my trip. Visited with some old friends. Went to Atlanta and did some tourist things with old friends, actually my wife's best friend from high school and her family. Spent a few days at the beach. Got to relax. Still snooping when I got home. I found another email account and managed to hack in before she could delete everything. She forgot she had the account. She had been IM'ing with this guy last year. Lots of sex talk and he asks her what the longest she had ever stayed with someone in a hotel room. She tells him that one of her boyfriends spent the night at my house. I went ballistic. I found a backup of her old Blackberry and it was loaded with emails between her and one of her old flames. This guy tells her one of his fondest memories was coming to our house so that's two men who have been in my home. She denied it. Even when faced with the emails and her response that it was one of her favorite memories as well. She still denies it.....can't admit she did it even to herself. This guy gets off on having her tell her sexual escapades which she was happy to do for his sexual gratification. I have a pretty clear picture of what was going on with her and she was out of control. I found out she loaned one of these men $2500 and he took over two years to pay her back. I asked her why she would do such a thing and she said it was only supposed to be for a few days but something came up and he wasn't able to pay back the money. I thought I might be able to get over this and forgive her. I still love her but I go from thinking I might be able to forgive to being as angry as I've ever been. Yesterday I experienced rage issues just thinking about what she's done with these other men. Thanks for letting me vent.


----------



## Clay2013

really sorry to hear this. I think its time you get a lawyer and move on. She is never going to give you the same love and respect you gave to her. Don't waste another day of your life for someone that wont give what you do. 

I would leave or ask her to. I would start the paperwork and just only talk through lawyers unless kids are involved. If they are get a family member involved to help interact when getting the kids for a while. 

My xW cheated on me over ten years with other men. Its been six years since the divorce and while talking to her over the phone about my son's anger issues towards her she still denies that she ever cheated. I had all the proof. Some people you will never be able to fix so why bother trying. 


Clay


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## barbados

Why in the world are you still with this horrible woman ?


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## nogutsnoglory

Mustang1968 said:


> I haven't posted anything in a while.
> I came back from my trip. Visited with some old friends. Went to Atlanta and did some tourist things with old friends, actually my wife's best friend from high school and her family. Spent a few days at the beach. Got to relax. Still snooping when I got home. I found another email account and managed to hack in before she could delete everything. She forgot she had the account. She had been IM'ing with this guy last year. Lots of sex talk and he asks her what the longest she had ever stayed with someone in a hotel room. She tells him that one of her boyfriends spent the night at my house. I went ballistic. I found a backup of her old Blackberry and it was loaded with emails between her and one of her old flames. This guy tells her one of his fondest memories was coming to our house so that's two men who have been in my home. She denied it. Even when faced with the emails and her response that it was one of her favorite memories as well. She still denies it.....can't admit she did it even to herself. This guy gets off on having her tell her sexual escapades which she was happy to do for his sexual gratification. I have a pretty clear picture of what was going on with her and she was out of control. I found out she loaned one of these men $2500 and he took over two years to pay her back. I asked her why she would do such a thing and she said it was only supposed to be for a few days but something came up and he wasn't able to pay back the money. I thought I might be able to get over this and forgive her. I still love her but I go from thinking I might be able to forgive to being as angry as I've ever been. Yesterday I experienced rage issues just thinking about what she's done with these other men. Thanks for letting me vent.


 Man, no matter how hard it is for you, you need to D her immediately. She has not changed, she will not change, and you would be a fool to think otherwise. There are a few that change, not one of them has been the type of person you have described, not one. Yours will not be the first. She is not happy unless she has a new member inside of her. You can't stay with her. Realize it now, or later, that is up to you. After all she has done and you have exposed she still lies to you at will. WOW..enough already.


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## LongWalk

Divorce will change her reality. Exposure will also alter time and space. Exposure would make reconciliation difficult since everyone think you are crazy, taking back a serial cheater and pathological liar.

_Posted via *Topify* using iPhone/iPad_


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## manticore

Mustang1968 said:


> *She had been IM'ing with this guy last year.* Lots of sex talk and he asks her what the longest she had ever stayed with someone in a hotel room. She tells him that one of her boyfriends spent the night at my house. I went ballistic. I found a backup of her old Blackberry and it was loaded with emails between her and one of her old flames. This guy tells her one of his fondest memories was coming to our house so that's two men who have been in my home. She denied it. *Even when faced with the emails and her response that it was one of her favorite memories as well. She still denies it.....*can't admit she did it even to herself. This guy gets off on having her tell her sexual escapades which she was happy to do for his sexual gratification. I have a pretty clear picture of what was going on with her and she was out of control.


I am sorry for your situation, I hope this last information give you the strength you need to finally do what is best for you.

now you know that she never changed and she would have keeping betraying you until the end of your days, now you know that she was never the woman you thought and that even if she seems like a good friend, goes to church, seems sweet and honest that is the mascarade she let you see, she was never the woman she showed you.

you are still at a good age you can rebuild your life, don't fool yourself, don't delude yourself and don't let yourself fall into a comfort zone, you deserve better.

you still have time to look for a person who deserves you.


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## CH

Trickle truth, my friend I think you've only found half of the ice burg right now. I'm not sure if you want to find the other half still hidden down there.

She'll never tell you the truth unless you find it yourself. No remorse at all, except for her being caught each time, over and over again.


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## happyman64

Mustang
When will you demand the respect your wife has never shown you?
When will you give her consequences?

Stop torturing yourself. 

HM
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Cubby

I went back and read your opening post. This is bad. Why do I get the feeling that what you do know is only the tip of the iceberg? Normally, I'm for giving reconciliation a chance, but I'm afraid your wife is what she is. If you stay with her, you do know that for the rest of your life you'll constantly live with the fear of what she's doing behind your back, right? And then your resentment of her will grow. That's no way to live.


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## sidney2718

Mustang1968 said:


> I haven't posted anything in a while.
> I came back from my trip. Visited with some old friends. Went to Atlanta and did some tourist things with old friends, actually my wife's best friend from high school and her family. Spent a few days at the beach. Got to relax. Still snooping when I got home. I found another email account and managed to hack in before she could delete everything. She forgot she had the account. She had been IM'ing with this guy last year. Lots of sex talk and he asks her what the longest she had ever stayed with someone in a hotel room. She tells him that one of her boyfriends spent the night at my house. I went ballistic. I found a backup of her old Blackberry and it was loaded with emails between her and one of her old flames. This guy tells her one of his fondest memories was coming to our house so that's two men who have been in my home. She denied it. Even when faced with the emails and her response that it was one of her favorite memories as well. She still denies it.....can't admit she did it even to herself. This guy gets off on having her tell her sexual escapades which she was happy to do for his sexual gratification. I have a pretty clear picture of what was going on with her and she was out of control. I found out she loaned one of these men $2500 and he took over two years to pay her back. I asked her why she would do such a thing and she said it was only supposed to be for a few days but something came up and he wasn't able to pay back the money. I thought I might be able to get over this and forgive her. I still love her but I go from thinking I might be able to forgive to being as angry as I've ever been. Yesterday I experienced rage issues just thinking about what she's done with these other men. Thanks for letting me vent.


How do you know that she's stopped any of this activity? It seems that she will never provide you with a timeline, so you will never know the truth.

I know that you've said that she has some physical ailments. And I can understand that you don't want to leave her in that position. But you have no choice. I read your entire thread today and it is clear that you have NO LIFE.

And yet you have many good years ahead of you.

If you don't divorce, at least get a legal separation from her so that what you owe her is clearly laid out and you are both free to live your lives. That's not an ideal solution, but it may be a workable compromise between your heart and your head.


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## badmemory

Mustang,

Your wife is a serial cheater;and on the severity scale of serial cheaters, she'd be approaching the top end.

Expecting her to change her stripes would be like asking a thieving, pill-popping, drug addict to work behind a drug store pharmacy counter. 

Divorce her and move on with your life.


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## Graywolf2

manticore said:


> I am sorry for your situation, I hope this last information give you the strength you need to finally do what is best for you.
> 
> now you know that she never changed and she would have keeping betraying you until the end of your days, now you know that she was never the woman you thought and that even if she seems like a good friend, goes to church, seems sweet and honest that is the mascarade she let you see, she was never the woman she showed you.
> 
> you are still at a good age you can rebuild your life, don't fool yourself, don't delude yourself and don't let yourself fall into a comfort zone, you deserve better.
> 
> you still have time to look for a person who deserves you.


:iagree:

You need to stop torturing yourself. She is not going to change. Either divorce her or accept that you are going to live with her the way she is.


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## Chaparral

You have no idea who you are married to. What does your counselor describe her as? Seriously, I would not be eating anything I thought she could have touched. At minimum she must be a sociopath and it may be worse than that. Be careful until you find out. Who else knows she has done this?


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## harrybrown

She does not respect you.

File for divorce now.  She is shyting on you and the marriage by having sex with someone else in your home.

You are her backup plan.

Did she use protection? She may have stds.


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## phillybeffandswiss

Hey, you can love her and not be "in love." Time to end your marriage. Sorry, no amount of counseling and work will fix this one. Not only is she lying, she has brought multiple men to your home. Also, she is giving them money. If she is willing to loan 2500 to a guy, better believe there are gifts and other monies being spent on other "friends."

Oh and did she provide PROOF he paid her back? You can't trust her word.


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## GROUNDPOUNDER

What are you waiting for?!

Are you going to have to find a video of her wearing nothin' but steer horns on her head, takin' on six rodeo clowns?...

You are NEVER going to find out about all the cheating and men that she's done. Shoot, she probably can't remember them all and she was there.

The longer you stay with her, the less time you'll have to spend with a woman the DESEVES you. You are only prolonging the inevitable.


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## Stronger-now

Mustang,

This is one of the most horrific stories I have ever read on here.

30 years of marriage, 10 affairs (that you know of so far) within at least the last 15 years, STD, other men in your house. 

I am not an expert, but *I guess she is a sociopath*. She definitely shows signs of being one. 

She is so devoid of any real remorse (tears are not equal to real remorse), guilt and shame. Instead of apologizing to her AP's W, she has the gall to threaten her? That is definitely NOT remorse.

And what panic disorder? She doesn't seem to be panicky enough to have multiple APs coming to her marital home! It takes nerves of steel to pull this. 

She is highly promiscuous and a pathological liar. 

She has denied you 30 years of happiness with a woman who is capable of real love. She denied you a chance of fatherhood. 

She blames everyone and everything but herself for her action. 

The woman you called your wife? She doesn't love you. She is not capable of loving anyone but herself. She is just pure evil. 

Take as much time as you need to wrap your head around this. It can't be easy to find out that 30 years of your life have been one big fat lie. But you should work, step by step, toward your ultimate goal: *moving on without her. *

She will not change. She is wired the way she is. Let her deal with her own craps.

Timeline and polygraph. The only positive about this is that you can find out how many betrayed wives you should inform about the STD your wife has been spreading around. But asking a highly potential sociopath to write a honest timeline? Really?

IC. You definitely need it.

Protect yourself and financial assets. Consult a divorce attorney, find out as much as you can what you can do to control any financial damage from the divorce. 

180. HARD. You must learn to accept, the evil who has unprotected sex with so many men, spreading contagious disease, leading a double life for 30 years, IS who she is. You must accept this. Once you do, ask yourself...can you love an evil like her? No normal people can love pure evil. You only love who you thought she was. But the person you thought she was never exists. This is the real her. Once it sinks in, you will realize that you don't, can't, and won't ever love a person like your wife. 

FILE. There is nothing left here to save. The marriage you thought you had was built on a pile of lies. 

Learn to move on. It is never too late to start over. You are ONLY 51 years young.

Of course you have another option here: you can stay with her as long as you accept that she will continue to be promiscuous for the rest of her life. If you don't mind sharing her, oh well.


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## Numbersixxx

Mustang1968 said:


> I haven't posted anything in a while.
> I came back from my trip. Visited with some old friends. Went to Atlanta and did some tourist things with old friends, actually my wife's best friend from high school and her family. Spent a few days at the beach. Got to relax. Still snooping when I got home. I found another email account and managed to hack in before she could delete everything. She forgot she had the account. She had been IM'ing with this guy last year. Lots of sex talk and he asks her what the longest she had ever stayed with someone in a hotel room. She tells him that one of her boyfriends spent the night at my house. I went ballistic. I found a backup of her old Blackberry and it was loaded with emails between her and one of her old flames. This guy tells her one of his fondest memories was coming to our house so that's two men who have been in my home. She denied it. Even when faced with the emails and her response that it was one of her favorite memories as well. She still denies it.....can't admit she did it even to herself. This guy gets off on having her tell her sexual escapades which she was happy to do for his sexual gratification. I have a pretty clear picture of what was going on with her and she was out of control. I found out she loaned one of these men $2500 and he took over two years to pay her back. I asked her why she would do such a thing and she said it was only supposed to be for a few days but something came up and he wasn't able to pay back the money. I thought I might be able to get over this and forgive her. I still love her but I go from thinking I might be able to forgive to being as angry as I've ever been. Yesterday I experienced rage issues just thinking about what she's done with these other men. Thanks for letting me vent.


Why are you still with her?


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## VFW

Dude it doesn't matter whether she admits these things or not, you still know them to be true. The only question is, what are you going to do in light of this information. Don't bother giving her a polygraph, she would dispute any results anyway. The ball is in your court, this is decision time my friend. Choose wisely.


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## TDSC60

harrybrown said:


> She does not respect you.
> 
> File for divorce now. She is shyting on you and the marriage by having sex with someone else in your home.
> 
> You are her backup plan.
> 
> Did she use protection? She may have stds.


Read OP's first post. His wife already gave him a STD years ago.


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## Sandfly

Mustang, This woman is your enemy.

Anger is a wonderful gift, it's nature's way of hardening your heart, and allowing you to function and take action in a fear-situation. It's the antidote to your fear - same as mine - of never finding a trustworthy companion. But if you continue to take no steps in the present to get Victory over this woman, and she leaves before you are 'ready', you will not only be slandered and blamed and end up losing against her and her lie-machine, you will be unable to trust the next person. Imagine, if you totally took her to the cleaners and exposed her, how this would restore your confidence? This is a wonderful opportunity to discover your own strength. Her most precious thing to her is her IMAGE and assuming you've now got all this evidence - keep it! Make copies! Use it! Take it to the lawyer today for Christ's sake.
She is out to ruin you. It's you or her. Start acting like the natural hard hearted, cold and calculating Soldier that any man can become when he truly hates his enemy. 
-Her tears are a weapon - defend yourself with a lack of sympathy!
-Her image is a defence - tear it down! Talk frankly to her admirers!
-Her 'love' is a sleeping gas- put on your mask!

Anger for the enemy is good, regret is being angry at yourself: bad! - direct it toward ruining her in a cold and calculating legal ambush! God made you to be a soldier, not a pathetic prisoner of war! Victory over her today, will bring you the confidence you need tomorrow to find and better watch over your next companion.


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## FloridaITguy

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## the guy

GROUNDPOUNDER said:


> Shoot, she probably can't remember them all and she was there.
> QUOTE]
> 
> This is so true.
> It does take time to recall all of them especially the ones she was most a shame about or felt it was "better to give it then have it taken". They (serial cheaters) seem to push those furthure back in their mind.
> 
> What I find interesting is that this marriage seemed somewhat healthy...well compared to mine. Even though both our serial cheaters behaved very similar, yours was a church going volunteer worker...were as mine was a wife beaten stripper who drank all day.


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## the guy

Stronger-now said:


> Mustang,
> 30 years of marriage, 10 affairs (that you know of so far) within at least the last 15 years, STD, other men in your house.


Thats really not that bad.

Put looks who's repling here

At least the years of cheating are greater then the number of affairs.

19 years of marriage, 20 affairs (rounded up high due to memory loss), for thirteen years.

Mustang, you are not alone!

Its not what knocks us down that matters, its how we get back up that counts.


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## phillybeffandswiss

kristin2349 said:


> Does the 2500 really matter at this point?


Yes, It may matter to him as we are not mustang.


Stronger-now said:


> Mustang,
> 30 years of marriage, 10 affairs (that you know of so far) within at least the last 15 years, STD, other men in your house.


All of this he's still there, holding on and he's still checking things. Some people need that one thing to push them over the edge. I've read threads where the person has all the proof in the world, VARs, pictures, texts, emails, unaccounted time and they are in turmoil about reconciliation. Then something we think is innocuous makes them call it quits.

You know "the straw that broke the camel's back." That 2500, when they needed to fix or were short on cash, may be the tipping point.


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## the guy

:iagree:


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## the guy

Some guys are wired different then most....the money thing might have more of an impact then having a sl^t wife...not that sl^t is a bad thing but as long as your the only one she is with.


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## jim123

phillybeffandswiss said:


> Yes, It may matter to him as we are not mustang. All of this he's still there, holding on and he's still checking things. Some people need that one thing to push them over the edge. I've read threads where the person has all the proof in the world, VARs, pictures, texts, emails, unaccounted time and they are in turmoil about reconciliation. Then something we think is innocuous makes them call it quits.
> 
> You know "the straw that broke the camel's back." That 2500, when they needed to fix or were short on cash, may be the tipping point.


So god knows how many men over 15 years with unthinkable amount of encounters and the tipping point is that she lent one of them 2500. What does that say.


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## phillybeffandswiss

> What does that say.


Rug sweeping is a form of compartmentalization.


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## LongWalk

After exposure will she want to stay with Mustang?

Also, if Mustang and she split and have sex, will she experience it differently?
_Posted via *Topify* using iPhone/iPad_


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## LostViking

> I still love her but I go from thinking I might be able to forgive to being as angry as I've ever been. Yesterday I experienced rage issues just thinking about what she's done with these other men. Thanks for letting me vent.


When is this going to end?

Mustang, when are you going to start loving yourself enough to end this? Why are you doing this to yourself? 

She is broken. Duh. Doesn't take a psychiatrist to see that. 

But you my friend, are the truly broken one here. You should have kicked her to the curb months ago; and yet here you are, hanging onto her for God knows why, all freaked out and surprised that you are finding more filth and excrement oozing from her side of the marriage. 

Un-fvcking-believable. :scratchhead:


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## Thorburn

LostViking said:


> When is this going to end?
> 
> Mustang, when are you going to start loving yourself enough to end this? Why are you doing this to yourself?
> 
> She is broken. Duh. Doesn't take a psychiatrist to see that.
> 
> But you my friend, are the truly broken one here. You should have kicked her to the curb months ago; and yet here you are, hanging onto her for God knows why, all freaked out and surprised that you are finding more filth and excrement oozing from her side of the marriage.
> 
> Un-fvcking-believable. :scratchhead:


:iagree:


OP, time to pull out the D papers.


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## jnichk76

Mustang1968 said:


> I haven't posted anything in a while.
> I came back from my trip. Visited with some old friends. Went to Atlanta and did some tourist things with old friends, actually my wife's best friend from high school and her family. Spent a few days at the beach. Got to relax. Still snooping when I got home. I found another email account and managed to hack in before she could delete everything. She forgot she had the account. She had been IM'ing with this guy last year. Lots of sex talk and he asks her what the longest she had ever stayed with someone in a hotel room. She tells him that one of her boyfriends spent the night at my house. I went ballistic. I found a backup of her old Blackberry and it was loaded with emails between her and one of her old flames. This guy tells her one of his fondest memories was coming to our house so that's two men who have been in my home. She denied it. Even when faced with the emails and her response that it was one of her favorite memories as well. She still denies it.....can't admit she did it even to herself. This guy gets off on having her tell her sexual escapades which she was happy to do for his sexual gratification. I have a pretty clear picture of what was going on with her and she was out of control. I found out she loaned one of these men $2500 and he took over two years to pay her back. I asked her why she would do such a thing and she said it was only supposed to be for a few days but something came up and he wasn't able to pay back the money. I thought I might be able to get over this and forgive her. I still love her but I go from thinking I might be able to forgive to being as angry as I've ever been. Yesterday I experienced rage issues just thinking about what she's done with these other men. Thanks for letting me vent.


So what have you decided? How did your counseling sessions go? How are you coping?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bandit.45

He kept her around. It's the only reason he hasn't posted since December.


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## tom67

bandit.45 said:


> He kept her around. It's the only reason he hasn't posted since December.


He got sound advice.
It's his life.:scratchhead:


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## GROUNDPOUNDER

jnichk76 said:


> So what have you decided? How did your counseling sessions go? How are you coping?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


He's a lost cause.

His WS has screwed so many men during her marriage, I doubt she can even remember them all.

He felt trapped due to his age and how long he's been with his cheating wife.

I hope he's doing ok, but the mind movies he must be going through have to be monumental...
I


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## manticore

this is story is just too sad, she will keep betraying him until she becomes Low drive for age, she maybe will be able to fake loyalty and remorse for 2 or 3 yaers and then when he enters again in the comfort zone she will again began her cycle of betrayals, and luckily for her Mustang just doesn't have deal breakers, so he will keep forgiving her a giving her chances, until she finally stops for age, and she will kept all her fond memories of all the lovers that shared her marital bed and still will be able to have mustang companionship to take care of her in her golden years (after all if he have no kids, or financial responsibilities that ties him to her, the only reason he is still is enduring all the lies, the betrayals, the findings, the disrespect is because he wants to), damn she even denied him the gift of parenthood to have her escapades of unprotected sex and he just keep forgiving and forgiving.

Just too sad, this just proves that bad people can have a nice life and never face real consequences of their actions and still have life just as they wished at expense of others.


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## manfromlamancha

His story was horrible! She essentially took 35 years of his life away and probably even denied him kids during this time! Met at 16, married at 20 and he was 51 at the time of discovery. Multiple affairs over 15+ years, no kids (possibly due to being on birth control during this time) and at least two of the OM in his house (possibly his bed!). 

This would have shattered me - in his mind he probably thought that his life was over and he could not start again. How wrong he would be if he did think that!


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## ConanHub

Could not even bring myself to read most of this it was sickening. Dude, if this is all real, your wife is less a woman and more a mobile sperm bank that only accepts deposits.

If you stay, I will not feel sorry for you. Some things are so F'd up you just gotta leave. Your wife should not be married or in any relationship. She is unhinged.

Hope you leave and she gets serious help.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## sidney2718

As some here know, I'm often on the "forgive" side of things. But not always. This is a horrible situation. I've just reread the OP's first post in this thread and it looks like a marital paradise compared to what came out later.

And yet as far as we know, he never really took the good advice given here. And sadly, this is not the only story on TAM like this.

Makes a simple ONS a pleasure to deal with in comparison.


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## Mustang1968

I left the marriage two years ago and I'm now dealing with trying to get the divorce finalized and move on with my life. She has dragged this out as long as possible. She is still living in the house that I am paying for and yesterday I received her interrogatories from her attorney. I didn't think I could think less of her than I already did but she still amazes me. This woman that I have supported for the last 30 years is accusing me of physical and emotional cruelty. The woman I saw through cancer treatments and stood by after amassing tens of thousands of dollars in credit card debt. She wants the house, the dogs, and half of my take home pay. She had the nerve to list anxiety disorder as the reason she couldn't work. Didn't seem to be a problem when she was meeting guys in hotels and bringing them to my house. She is truly a waste. I want this behind me and I want to never have to see her again. I can't move on until this is over and she's going to drag it out as long as possible. She says I have "anger management" issues. She has no idea what it's taken to hold it together this long.


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## aine

Mustang1968 said:


> I left the marriage two years ago and I'm now dealing with trying to get the divorce finalized and move on with my life. She has dragged this out as long as possible. She is still living in the house that I am paying for and yesterday I received her interrogatories from her attorney. I didn't think I could think less of her than I already did but she still amazes me. This woman that I have supported for the last 30 years is accusing me of physical and emotional cruelty. The woman I saw through cancer treatments and stood by after amassing tens of thousands of dollars in credit card debt. She wants the house, the dogs, and half of my take home pay. She had the nerve to list anxiety disorder as the reason she couldn't work. Didn't seem to be a problem when she was meeting guys in hotels and bringing them to my house. She is truly a waste. I want this behind me and I want to never have to see her again. I can't move on until this is over and she's going to drag it out as long as possible. She says I have "anger management" issues. She has no idea what it's taken to hold it together this long.


Glad you decided to lose her, i hope the court proceedings work in your favour. What about all the adultery evidence, can that help?


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