# Sad and confused



## Aust91 (Mar 9, 2015)

I am so sad and confused right now. My husband yells at me and scolds me like I'm a child for the smallest things. I feel as if there is nothing I can do right. His yelling makes me shut down and I am beginning to grow resentment towards him. When I shut down, I get accused of having an attitude and for not doing anything to bring about reconciliation. Even my daughter asks me why is daddy always so mad. He yells at her too and says he is teaching her to respect him. She runs when she hears him coming. Her teacher has asked if everything is okay at home. I feel so embarrassed.

We are living abroad and I feel so alone. He got so mad at me once and dropped me and my daughter off at the airport in the middle of the night. I had to apologize and ask him to come get us, which he did. He apologized and said he would not it again. He has told me if I don't follow his rules I can leave, but he really wants me to stay. He says I am the only woman he has ever wanted. 

I was independent, confident and had a career before we married. Now I am feeling depressed, sad and walking on eggshells. When I tell him how I feel he says I need to work thru my issues and am making myself feel this way. He needs to control everything. I am at my wits end. We have only been married a couple of years and I feel like a failure. I want to go home, but I will be going back with nothing. I am scared, confused and hoping he will change. I have asked him to go to counseling, but he refuses.

Thanks for reading...


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Your husband is seriously emotionally abusive. What he is doing to you is destroying your emotional well being. If you stay you will become a shadow of yourself.

Is he the father of your daughter? He is abusing her and you are allowing it. Let that sink in. You have a choice in this. You can choose to leave. She has no choice. You are the only one who can protect her.

You are not a failure. You just need to get yourself to a place where you are safe.

Do you have family or friends who you can stay with until you get a job? If you return to the USA (I presume) you can get welfare and other assistance until you find a job.

Do you have access to any money to get tickets to get out of there?

Do you have a way to the airport?

You need to start planning your exit.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I forgot to ask. Has he ever hit you, pushed you, grabbed you in anger? Does he break thing and do things like punch walls when he is angry? Does he ever hit or touch your daughter in anger?


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Aust91 said:


> I am so sad and confused right now. My husband yells at me and scolds me like I'm a child for the smallest things. I feel as if there is nothing I can do right. His yelling makes me shut down and I am beginning to grow resentment towards him. When I shut down, I get accused of having an attitude and for not doing anything to bring about reconciliation. Even my daughter asks me why is daddy always so mad. He yells at her too and says he is teaching her to respect him. She runs when she hears him coming. Her teacher has asked if everything is okay at home. I feel so embarrassed.
> 
> We are living abroad and I feel so alone. He got so mad at me once and dropped me and my daughter off at the airport in the middle of the night. I had to apologize and ask him to come get us, which he did. He apologized and said he would not it again. He has told me if I don't follow his rules I can leave, but he really wants me to stay. He says I am the only woman he has ever wanted.
> 
> ...


Sorry Aust91 to hear that you are going through this in a foreign land without your family. Do you have friends you can talk to or are you new to the place? Was he like this before you moved? Moving to a new job and country can put tremendous pressure on a marriage with the husband trying to make a good impression within a new culture and the wife grappling with a new environment, no family support and having to create a whole new net work of friends. He cannot use this as an excuse though. Dropping you at the airport is a mean thing to do and damaging to you and your little girl You have to join the nearest expatriate group of women, (usually find many are dealing with expat blues etc and are usually very open and friendly). You need to interact with others as sometimes the new expat wife expects all her needs to be met by the husband as she has no one else. Change that situation and see does it help. If not perhaps you should go home for a break and see whether that changes things. How long have you lived abroad?


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