# still holding on...



## JAYBLACK973 (Feb 21, 2011)

Today is one of those hard days for me. I've been separated for 4 months and i still hold out some hope. I still wear my ring because i we aren't divorced, should i take it off? My wife removed hers and i have it here at home. Not a good feeling. Yesterday i hung out with a friend who is a female and she has been trying to cheer me up. She told me that i need rebound sex. Im not really into having contact with any woman. She tried kissing me but it just felt wrong. I pulled away... What am i doing? Do i continue to wear my ring and hold out hope? Is there anyone who is in the same situation or have gone through this, I need help in the worst way...


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## Lostouthere (Aug 24, 2011)

Jay I took my ring off after the divorce was filed because it was a reminder and I did not want a reminder of her and her affair. Anyway at first it did not feel right and then I got use to it. i say take it off and start easing yourself into thinking it is not going to work. On the sex part dont do that until your divorced and ready because it will just cause you some more emotional issues.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

I took my ring off early on, but that's when I realized my W had checked out hard and wasn't looking back. I guess it was easy to make my decision... I had been wearing mine even after dday and after finding out about her infidelity. During this period she was "sort of" pretending to give it a last chance effort, I got a chance to snoop on her phone and the floor dropped out from my feet when I realized she was not only still having an affair but it wasn't even with the one I originally caught her sending naked pics to. Up to that moment not an hour went by in the 6.5 years since my wedding day that my ring wasn't on my finger, and since then it has never been on it... it helps signify in my mind that it's really over. I still find myself going to adjust it and finding my ring finger bare.


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## JAYBLACK973 (Feb 21, 2011)

I haven't known my wife to have any affairs, atleast none that I know of. So what did you finally do with your ring? I also have hers and asked her what I should do with it and I got no response... I have been doing the no contact thing so I don't bother with her at all.... I definitely don't feel like I want another woman. I don't want to date or get married again...


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

to me it seems like it would be so much harder to deal with all of this if there wasn't a clearcut reason, such as infidelity, I don't envy you at all.

I just put my ring on a high shelf where I won't normally see it.

It is fine to keep doing NC, just make sure to keep focussed on the things YOU want as much as you can - I am learning it is really hard after so many years of trying to move one way then suddenly the rope is broken and I have no idea where that momentum went, or where I should go next. So instead I'm just enjoying having some freedom and not feel guilty for doing what I choose to do.


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## voivod (Aug 7, 2008)

I took my ring off for a short period of time after our separation. It felt "not right" to not wear it. So I put it back on. My friends asked me whats up, which was unconforatable. Today, post divorce, my ring is on a keyring-type thing with my ex-wifes ring. They'll be buried with me.


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

I'm still wearing my ring until the divorce is final. I figure we're still married until then...

As to what to do with it (or them) - I haven't thought that far ahead. I assumed it will go in the same box as my other "valuables" and get locked away for awhile.


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## Sod (Aug 20, 2011)

I took my ring off soon after my wife did after the separation. Its sitting with some stuff that I will deal with after the emotions are less raw at some point in the future. I will never wear it again but I dont want to make a rash decision.


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## gearhead65 (Aug 25, 2011)

Well, I understand the sentiment. Wanting to hold on as tight as you can, but it is the opposite of what you should do. If she's not there you can't work on the marriage. I took off mine when I started traveling again after she filed for divorce. I told myself I wouldn't be able to travel for a long time if we were going to make it. 

When you take it off is deeply personal. Only you know if it is the right time. 

On a side note, Holy Hell dude! You have a woman throwing herself at you and you turned her down?!?!?! Your wife has no idea what she is giving up!

GearHead


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## JAYBLACK973 (Feb 21, 2011)

Honestly people, I work in health care and it 80% women. I have many female friends that I have confided in recently and it seems like if the women think that your available then they will go for it. But I still stay true to my fading marriage. I actually purchased a new ring months before because the old one didn't fit any longer. That pissed her off when she sees that I haven't taken my ring off... its just my personal choice but I'm.struggling lately to do all the right things and be a long distant husband in a marriage that only I am devoted to.


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## Lostouthere (Aug 24, 2011)

Bro its time for you to prepare for moving forward and its time to file papers if its not been done. But as someone else said only you know when its time but you do not deserve to be stuck in limbo it is not good for you emotionally or physically. You work in health care then I know you are well aware of the facts that this added stress can have on you. Keep your head up.


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## hesnothappy (Mar 5, 2011)

I still wear mine, and until I get another I will probably always wear it ;o) I love my ring, and I love how it looks on my hand. People ask why do I still wear it, I tell them A) it's mine, b) I am still legally married, C) I like it, D) did I mention A LOLOLOL I think it also provides cover for me. I don't feel as put out when I go outby myself when I have my rig on. It's a good cover being that I am ahh lets say of the mature age group and most folks in the that group are married or should be ;o) I say keep as long as you are aware of what it means to you and can deal with the reality of it.


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## forever learning (Sep 28, 2010)

J,

You will come to a time when you feel ready to take it off.....if you are turning down woman... then I would say its not time yet...

we all have had different experiences and each has a great point, but it comes down to you and when you are ready...If it means something to you to still wear it...keep it on.


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## chattycathy (Aug 19, 2011)

I'll just add my experience.
I never wore my band for 24 years of marriage. It was only on my finger for anniversary dinners! I felt so sure of my relationship and our commitment. I couldn't wear it sleeping since my fingers would puff up at night and it would feel uncomfortable.
Anyway, after getting separated, I wear it all the time (when I am not sleeping). I feel the need to wear it unless/until I divorce and it is final.
That ring means something to me after all! More than I ever thought!

You wear the ring as long as you want, no matter what others say.

One day, it might feel right to take it off. You will know in your gut when that is.


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## YupItsMe (Sep 29, 2011)

JAYBLACK973 said:


> That pissed her off when she sees that I haven't taken my ring off.


Couple things 

1. If you want to save your marriage I think you have one choice. Get your **** together and become happy being strong, vibrant, active, interested in new things without involvement with other women. Its called manning up. Sulking is unattractive, stagnation is unattractive, being hurt is unattractive. you need to reignite your passions for life again wiht or without her. You have a shot at getting her back if you take care of yourself by becoming the best you can be. Thats all you can do but you have to do it if you want a shot at reconciliation. She will want to know whats new and exciting. IF the answer is nothing, fugedaboudit.

2. Take off the ring. That will get her attention. Its called doing a 180. Do the opposite of whats expected. Dont make a big deal about it. Again she will want to know whats up. Be mysterious about it. Dont say anything negative ot positve. stay very neutral about it but she will notice change is under foot and that will excite her. 

3.. She may want you to take it off so she doesnt feel as much guilt. You wont get her back if you make here feel bad. Stand strong and show her you understand what she is going thru even if you dont


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