# Dealing with a guy who is jealous of me



## Cinema79 (Aug 30, 2013)

OK - I really shouldn't be concerned with this, but I feel compelled to be because it involves my career and I need to hear some perspectives on jealously.

I had worked at a university for five years. The pay was not good, but I was one of the highest paid individuals in my department. I worked with a lot of communication guys who graduated from Ivy league and pricey private schools were making less money than me. So, these were guys with great educations making $45K per year at age 30...and I think they were a little bitter on where they were at in their careers. 

While at my job, I won several awards for my work and got some pretty good buzz on some of the projects I built. I got a title change and a small raise in my final year. I eventually ended up leaving this job and scoring this amazing new job with a big company that essentially doubled my salary. 

So, I noticed something recently that really irked me. We had an online directory at my old job with our profiles on it. It seems someone from our staff and went back and changed my title back to the title I had when I first started - essentially publicly demoting me despite the fact I didn't work there anymore.

I have a pretty good idea as to who the individual is. I have no clue why he felt inspired to dig up my old profile and make these edits. 

When we would be build projects, he would leave me out of the credits when I did substantial work, but would credit interns who practically did nothing. I also caught an email exchange between him and our department head where he was throwing me under the bus for something completely trivial. 

I never called him out on it, but should have.

I wanted to talk to the department head about this individual, but unfortunately they golf together. So, I wasn't going to get anywhere with this situation.

So now, I'm gone. And I've left that place for greener pastures. 

I want to get a few takes from the guys here. I imagine as I continue to move forward in my career, there will be more who are jealous of what I'm able to achieve. I work extremely hard and have great passion for what I do - so it bums me out to see people take me down when they instead should be joining me in trying to do great things. 

So, how have you dealt with jealous co-workers? Or people who feel the need to bring you down?


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

You need to develop your political and personal knowledge to work in groups, and build alliances with people whose opinion you respect and also whose opinion counts. Skill and talent is not enough. If someone doesn't give you credit and you have documentation of your work, you need to go to them and say I want credit. Be prepared to firmly stick up for yourself. Let them know you're not taking any BS. Ask them right up front if they're jealous and taking it out on you. Honestly, it sounds a bit like you do have a bit of an ego dissing their ivy league educations and all that, speculating on how they might feel and how much they consider to be a success. Personally I think you should take up golf. My first boss told me, all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy/Jill a dull girl. Alliances and sorting things out with coworkers is necessary. Even having mediated arguments about credits, etc. with the boss/supervisor doing the mediating. You can't just do a superior job and take the money. If you want success it requires a bit more of a commitment, your success does depend on your ability to belong to whatever group you're working for. It doesn't mean being the fall guy/gal who is the expert and therefore does all the work. Not everything is a competition, and those guys might have skills/connections other abilities they developed besides technical expertise, that can make your company's product fly or not.


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## Cinema79 (Aug 30, 2013)

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> You need to develop your political and personal knowledge to work in groups, and build alliances with people whose opinion you respect and also whose opinion counts. Skill and talent is not enough. If someone doesn't give you credit and you have documentation of your work, you need to go to them and say I want credit. Be prepared to firmly stick up for yourself. Let them know you're not taking any BS. Ask them right up front if they're jealous and taking it out on you.


In regards to taking credit, I did go to the department head on one occasion and was asked why I left off the documentation for a project. I was quite careful but direct in my approach. But, regardless, I did try to take to take action. 



Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> Honestly, it sounds a bit like you do have a bit of an ego dissing their ivy league educations and all that, speculating on how they might feel and how much they consider to be a success.


I'm being personal...or maybe over-analyzing the situation.

I just don't think this is the case. I'm just trying to understand where their level of disrespect comes from, even after I'm gone and I have nothing to do with them anymore. I do not judge an individual by where they went to school, and I have never asserted myself over them in any capacity. Regardless, I did my best and worked excessively hard to put out the best product, and my attitude has always been positive.




Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> Personally I think you should take up golf. My first boss told me, all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy/Jill a dull girl. Alliances and sorting things out with coworkers is necessary. Even having mediated arguments about credits, etc. with the boss/supervisor doing the mediating. You can't just do a superior job and take the money. If you want success it requires a bit more of a commitment, your success does depend on your ability to belong to whatever group you're working for. It doesn't mean being the fall guy/gal who is the expert and therefore does all the work. Not everything is a competition, and those guys might have skills/connections other abilities they developed besides technical expertise, that can make your company's product fly or not.


Good advice! This job was a little different though and I did have much greater success at previous jobs building good working relationships. I pride myself in being able to adapt to whatever environment I thrown into. However, this situation bordered on the juvenile, and I'm trying to learn from it in regards to building better interpersonal skills and how to deal with difficult individuals. I can't say I ever encountered anything like this...


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