# Women: Do you ever wonder "What If"?



## BIGJ (Mar 12, 2009)

What I mean is...you're with your current man(if you have one-be it bf/hubby), and you were at one time hot and heavy with someone else(an ex bf say). Years later, things aren't working out so well for you and your CURRENT beau(divorce/separated/no longer with him), Do, you: stop & think about a past/former guy you dated, and wonder "what if"? "What if" you had stayed w/him and not the person you just left? Do you regret not being with that person now? would you go back and change things if you could? if you were given another opportunity to be with them(say to "start over"), what would you do? would you do it? lem him walk? what?


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## marina72 (Dec 29, 2008)

I personally think it does not good to ponder and wonder about the past, and the relationships that are over. I wouldn't take anyone back, as I believe where I am in my life right now, is where I'm meant to be, so I guess I just try to be happy in the moment. 

It is futile to wonder "what if" and people that do, typically are never happy with what they have. that's just my take on it.


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

heck ya, i think about it all the time. But i think its just a mental release and i know in reality i dont regret my decision (not today anyway).


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## Matt1 (Mar 12, 2009)

my wife had a "meeting" with one of these recently. they must have hit it off - they emailed each other some pretty racey sexual stuff - and now our marriage is one step closer to the grave. It's been on a slippery slope for a long time - this just sped up the process. Forces me into two minds: one getting advice from attorney and two getting marriage counseling. I am resonsible for half of this slow breakdown, she the other. If you are in a relatiionship with someone, (my opinion) either end it (if its not working/right anymore) or work to improve it - to consider seriously something with an ex- would be (in my opinion) cheating... I am in the couldrun as we speak... good luck chosing the right path.


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## Veronica Jackson (Jul 2, 2008)

My "what if" is more like a "whatever".


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## bhappy3 (Feb 4, 2008)

marina72 said:


> I personally think it does not good to ponder and wonder about the past, and the relationships that are over. I wouldn't take anyone back, as I believe where I am in my life right now, is where I'm meant to be, so I guess I just try to be happy in the moment.
> 
> It is futile to wonder "what if" and people that do, typically are never happy with what they have. that's just my take on it.


I COMPLETELY agree with this. It's not a positive attitude to ponder the what-ifs. 

Anyway... no way do I ever wonder about my past men the way you say. Well, actually, the thought goes through my mind... I'm SO glad things never went further than they did with the exes! It makes me cherish my H all the more b/c the past boys were no marriage material for me! I am so glad I'm not with the exes. I actually wonder what the hell I saw in them and how the hell I stayed with them for so long.


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## justean (May 28, 2008)

exs are meant to be exs. things in the past are the past


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## humpty dumpty (Nov 26, 2008)

Yes i think about it at times .......then i thank my lucky stars that i met my husband and the fact that we have been through so much together makes it even more worth the fight to keep our mariage happy, and yes that does include some pretty spectacular disagreements but some wonderful making ups


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## moogvo (Dec 21, 2008)

Wondering how life would be with an old flame is really no different from wondering what life would be like with a total stranger. Neither is healthy and both lead to infidelity.

However, Yes. When my wife and I were having major problems, and we appeared to the world to be nothing more than roomies who didn't care about each other... I did wonder about an old flame. Maybe even looked for her online to see what she is doing now.

The reality of "What if" is that he/she would probably be cheating, someone may be drinking, or someone may have left by now. "What if" seems to be a place where we imagine that life would have been rainbows and butterflies", but the reality is that it would probably suck equally or even worse to what is going on today without them.

Now that my wife and I have found the problems in our marriage, I wouldn't even think of looking her up... Not even searching for her to see what she is doing, because really, I could care less what she is doing.

This is a wake up call that it is time to pour yourself into your marriage and find the problems... Not a time for wondering "What If". most marriages are so easily repaired, but the not knowing how leads most to just pull the plug... With those sorts of thoughts at hand, it looks like you have your hand firmly planted on the plug beginning to put a bit of resistance to it to begin pulling it out.

We peer out the window into the pouring rain, longing for a place that is warm and sunny... You can go find such a place, but it is only a temporary fix... It rains everywhere sometimes. The clouds will clear where ever you are, too.

~Moog


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