# Masking Friendship with Infidelity?



## jy1220 (Jan 4, 2015)

Hi Everyone,

Thank you for having me and for reading. I'm new to the neighborhood so to speak. My wife & I have been married for 32 years. Our relationship has been far from perfect but I always have felt a very strong sense of love & have always been faithful to her.

Our children are grown and we have 4 grandchildren. Our relationship for the most part has been ebb & flow with our very busy lives pulling on us daily. Slowly, as a result of this, our communication and intimacy started going wayside.

My wife is a 53 year old teacher of young children and is extremely attractive. I'm not just saying this because she is my wife. She has invested lots of time and money in her looks for she is very sensitive about herself. She is also going thru " The Changes", and that in itself has weighed heavy on her sense of self confidence. 

She works as a Group Leader at this summer camp when the school year is over. She claims that she does this because A.] She loves the kids. B.] Our grandchildren go to the camp for free. Overall, she has been there for 7 summers and is considered a lifer. 

The owner of this camp does not pay a whole lot, but does other things for his help like having social events weekly and parties at his house among other things. Most of the people who work there are other teachers either married or not, but do it for the same reasons. 

My wife has friended many of these people, and stays in contact with most throughout the year. She seems to be on Facebook, and her phone alot when she is with me. It usually involves someone from camp or something related to it.

Last fall, when she was teaching her regular job in the preschool, the janitor of the school started hitting on my wife. She would come home & tell me about the things he would say almost with a sense of pride that he was doing it. 

He is a ok looking Spanish guy around our age and not married. She claims that she told him she was married and he did not understand her english in anything that she told him so it just kept going on daily.

I finally told her that she needs to tell his supervisor what is going on so there can be an end to this, but she claimed the she was afraid he would lose his job. And after all, its just harmless banter right?

Wrong! After a few months he ended up attacking my wife in a downstairs room at the school, tried forcing himself on her and she managed to break free and ran to her classroom to hide.

My wife claims that at that time Alex from camp happened to be texting her while she was hiding from the janitor. She called Alex back and told him what happened and of course, he went to her aid.

I have at this time never heard of Alex, nor did she tell me about the situation with the janitor until 3 or 4 days after it happened. I felt devastated, first by what happened to her, and second that I was'nt allowed to know at the time that it happened.

We had a huge blowout over all of this. I wanted to know who this Alex guy is and why HE gets to come to the aid of my wife for 32 years. She accused me of being completely selfish and insensitive to what happened to her and I tried to explain that I felt robbed of the opportunity to help her as a result of Alex.

It all just spiraled and unraveled out of control. I know that I did'nt handle this right at all. She claims Alex is just a friend, even to this day. He is ten years younger than she and divorced twice. He has a whole host of issues, emotionally and physically, and does not have many friends.

She claims that she really got to know him at a camp staff retreat weekend and they seemed to have formed this emotional connection. She claims there has never been anything sexual going on. She says that she finds him completely unattractive.

At that time they remained in daily contact via texts,calls etc. I would see my wife getting texts and she would position herself and her phone so I could not see who it was that was texting her. Nor would she let me know who it was, she would just say it was no one.

She apparently gave him a ride home from his work one time because he lost his license for DUI. Apparently Alex is a Hoarder, and Alcoholic and living in virtual squaller. Now my wife wants to help him rebuild his life.

My wife has always been a gracious person and was usually doing something for the betterment of society. She decides to get me involved with her at his house helping to rebuild Alex, hence I dubbed it, " The Alex Project".

This man has had alot of loss in his life. I do feel for him as well. What I don't like is how close he and my wife have become. He came to her rescue on more that one occasion, especially when she is down & out with me or any of the kids, she talks with him about everything.

He took her to an Aerosmith concert earlier this summer. He picked her up in a limo and off she went scantily clad to this concert wearing a short short skirt looking like a hooker. My daughters have said to me that she acts completely different when he's around and her whole demeanor changes and is very giddy and flirtatious with him.

I would try talking to her about this behavior and of course she denies it. She claims that they are just trying to start trouble between us . My daughters are furious with her about this whole Alex thing. At times when I would be with my wife and Alex I would have this feeling that something is between them but maybe I'm just being paranoid.

I again, would try talking to her about this feeling I have and she would just tell me that it's all in my head. There is nothing going on with them and she just wants to be his friend and get his life back on track.

So, currently the situation has evolved to the point where all my wife talks about is Alex, his problems, what she is doing to help him. This involves both emotional and financial resources. I have tried to be supportive and have done some work at his house and on his car etc.

The constant daily texting is ongoing whenever my wife and I are together for we never have much to say to each other. We planned a "whole day to ourselves" kind of thing which we were supposed to find passion and doing some fun things together for the whole day. Sounds like a great idea right?

Well, the night before she was working at "The Alex Project" until 1:00 in the morning before she got home. Of course I asked why so late and I get the usual "blah,blah,blah" on how Alex is in a bad state because the Holidays being so painful for him & she need to console him.

So that tarnished my passion and mood for our " day to ourselves" thing. I pulled away and pushed her away for most of the day. That evening I took the dog out and happened to be in a spot where I can see her texting/receiving texts from Alex through the window.

I happened to see him text how he misses her ( they were together a few hours before), and she told him that next time she would see him she would give him a special reward for keeping his house clean. I BLEW MY STACK!

I came in & asked her if she is having sex with him, and I told her what I saw. She tried to tell me nothing is going on & that the reward is that Alex gets to keep some of his junk if he keeps his house clean. Needless to say it really deteriorated from there.

Currently, we have been separated for about a week. My wife has been staying with Alex (yes, in his dump), and still insists there is nothing going on. She claims that she loves me and wants to come home to work things out. My daughters have jumped on the bandwagon with me ( not by my choice), but based on what they have seen in how she reacts with Alex and they feel she is having an affair. They are really angry with her. My wife feels abandoned by her family and this whole thing with Alex is misunderstood.

Am I just a fool? Is there more going on here than what I know or am I just paranoid to the point where this whole mess has just imploded and become out of control? I know there is a combination of issues here. I just feel lost. Any advice will be welcome...Thank You for reading ...


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## jim123 (Sep 29, 2012)

jy1220 said:


> Hi Everyone,
> 
> Thank you for having me and for reading. I'm new to the neighborhood so to speak. My wife & I have been married for 32 years. Our relationship has been far from perfect but I always have felt a very strong sense of love & have always been faithful to her.
> 
> ...


File D, you know what is going on. She thinks she can have her A then just go back to you.

Starting working on you and move forward with your life.


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## brendanoco (Aug 6, 2014)

who wanted the separation??? and yes you are a fool if you don't think she is having sex with him


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## Q tip (Apr 15, 2014)

1) Right out of the book, Married Man Sex Life Primer by Athol Kay. 

Read it. You'll understand everything.

2) Cheaters are liars. Do not listen. Her actions tells you everything. She's staying with another man. He has a d!ck and uses it. Doh!

3) Get an STD test

4) Have her served with D papers right away. The shock of it may wake her up.

5) Execute the 180

6) Memorize the book in #1.

7) Man up.

Sounds like she's done several guys by now.

Speaks enough English to get her downstairs and have some sex, but not enough English to understand she married. What a joke. Are you that gullible? Calls the most important man in her life to come help. Man Nbr 1 and Man Nbr 2. Makes you Nbr 3 at best...

You are Plan B


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

She is spending more time and money on this man than with her own family. Ignoring your feelings and wants in favor of him. Then she moves in with him.

Definitely a physical affair.

You have to be strong and willing to pull the plug on this fake marriage if, for some reason, you want her back.

The woman you married is gone. Your marriage is dead. Killed by this person you are married to that left you and your marriage behind to concentrate on Alex.


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

Yes, she is having sex with him. 
Lawyer time.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

jy1220 said:


> Hi Everyone,
> 
> Thank you for having me and for reading. I'm new to the neighborhood so to speak. My wife & I have been married for 32 years. Our relationship has been far from perfect but I always have felt a very strong sense of love & have always been faithful to her.
> 
> ...


Affair.


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## D.H Mosquito (Jul 22, 2014)

Firstly i would not blame yourself this is her doing, in marriage we annoy each other but she has chosen to invest time energy money and more importantly committed herself emotionally to him if there was nothing going on she would have moved elsewhere to try and patch things up, your marriage and wife that you knew is gone can you salvage anything from this? that is completely up to her and at this time it looks like she was looking for an excuse to move out, as for being annoyed quite right you were that was your place to help her emotionally and physically, if Alex was closer fair enough but she should have contacted you immediately so that shows where her heart lies at this moment


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## Locke.Stratos (Sep 27, 2014)

DEEP deep deep denial and gullibility on your part.

Yes she is involved in an affair *ABSOLUTELY* and *COMPLETELY*, even your daughters know this, how did you let that escape you? It's actually not even an affair at this point, it's a relationship, they're dating and have been for a while.

Your best chance of moving on with your life (or getting her back) is to divorce immediately. She at this point feels that she can live her life the way she wants and do as she pleases and your dumb a** will be there like a fool to take her back and put up with her s***.

She has to lose you entirely in order for the gravity of her actions to set in and for her to actually value you, anything less than you having her served and terminating your marriage will be disasterous for you.


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## Borntohang (Sep 4, 2014)

Aerosmith concert? Limo with "Short, short skirt"? 
Are you cool with your wife going on dates?


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## chaos (Mar 9, 2012)

Some members caution that when a newbie arrives we are only getting one side of the story and to tread carefully with any advice given, but even they would have a hard time explaining how people close to you, your daughters, who have witnessed these happenings, have reached the same conclusions that you have, she is having an affair. For certain a very strong EA (emotional affair) and now that she is shacking up with him, a full blown affair.

At the very least, get legal counseling just in case she opts for divorce. Better that you are well prepared if your hand is forced by your wife.


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## VFW (Oct 24, 2012)

First I am sorry that you are in this position. Actually, it is irrelevant if they are having sex. The relationship became inappropriate, when she was more invested in his life, then life with you. At best he has become an obsession, at worse......well you know that possibility. I would immediately call for her discontinuance of the relationship with Alex and enroll in counselling with you to get the marriage back on track. Counselling will allow her to see objectively how destructive her behavior has been and how selfish continuing the project is to the marriage. Until she does I would go complete 180, don't discuss anything thing unless it has to do with finances or counseling. Until he is out of the picture there is no way to mend this relationship.


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## Gonna Make It (Dec 3, 2012)

Hate to say it, because I know how much it hurts, but it is an affair. Your daughters see it, you see it, you just do not want to admit it to yourself.

So you have to decide, do you want to be plan B in your wife's life or do you risk a life without her? Only you can make that call. But at least you know that your girls are there for you. That is a help.


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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

Sorry you find yourself here. You're not a fool. Why would she go stay with Alex and be saying she wants to work things out? No other friends or family? She's certainly rubbing the salt into the wounds isn't she.


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

jy1220 said:


> He took her to an Aerosmith concert earlier this summer. He picked her up in a limo and off she went scantily clad to this concert wearing a short short skirt looking like a hooker. My daughters have said to me that she acts completely different when he's around and her whole demeanor changes and is very giddy and flirtatious with him.


And you go along with this crap to get along. This week my man, the sign goes to you:


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## peskipixy (Jan 3, 2015)

Okay, we know one thing for sure: this is a full blown emotional affair. As for physical, yes it is possible it has progressed to that but you have no concrete proof.

Your children obviously know what's going on and are making it known they don't approve at all of her actions. They know she's destroying what should be a comfortable and safe home. Be prepared for them to really start to lash out. Your wife is so wrapped up in the "affair fog" she doesn't realize or care at this point how she's hurting the rest of you. People don't always realize that children can pick up on the most miniscule of changes. They are for more observant and open to things than we are. You and your kids are your number one priority now. Separate your bank accounts as well. Your lives are now separate, so should your money.

Not only do I recommend getting MMSL, there's another book that I bought. Not Just Friends by Shirley Glass. Give it to your wife after you read it. It was an eye opener for my husband. You also need to start the 180. Immediately. Today. Right Now. 

You also need to decide if you want to try and save your marriage or not. Either way, it's a long road you're on. We are here to provide support and advice and let me warn you. You won't always like what you hear, but we say it with experience to back it up and to help you.


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## Gonna Make It (Dec 3, 2012)

I just got to say about her saying that the thing with Alex is misunderstood. That again would not be your fault. She has made her bed with her family through her actions. And her moving in with Alex is not the action of someone who is being misunderstood. She is making choices which reaffirm the existence of the affair to her family. 

She may not, at that time, have had a physical affair, but "she really got to know him at a camp staff retreat weekend and they seemed to have formed this emotional connection". She sees making an emotional connection with him while not having sex to be ok, but it is not: it is an emotional affair.

Again, so sorry for you.


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

So she knows that her "friendship" with this guy infuriates and frustrstes you, her husband of 32 years, father and grandfather to her children/grandchildren. Let's say NOTHING is going on besides the friendship. Since when does a friendship trump the marriage? As your wife, if you had a problem with their friendship, she ends it, no questions asked.

Despite you airing your concerns, you guys separate and she moves in with him. Unreal. I have to wonder if this is an exit affair, with her spending all this time spending your money cleaning up his apartment. (Translation- making it a happy home for her).

I'm really sorry you are in this situation. She's out now. Ideally, what's your endgame?

PS cancel all joint credit cards TODAY. Protect your money. Don't let her spend another dime of your money on this loser.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Gonna Make It (Dec 3, 2012)

PhillyGuy13 said:


> PS cancel all joint credit cards TODAY. Protect your money. Don't let her spend another dime of your money on this loser.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


This!!!!!:iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree:


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## D.H Mosquito (Jul 22, 2014)

Or try the old fashioned approach, chap the door or phone her tell her if she wants to save the marriage then get her ass home and sort things out and tell him to stay the hell away, but my money is on her staying put if you did


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Would she have been okay with you going to a concert with a woman dressed like her?

I didn't think so.

Unfortunately, her staying with him may have been the escalation point from EA to PA. Simply reverse the situation. If you were staying with some woman, would she be good with it?

I didn't think so.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Philly covered the rest.

#salutes philly


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## Decorum (Sep 7, 2012)

You let your wife date another man, really?


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## G.J. (Nov 4, 2014)

jy1220 said:


> Hi Everyone,
> 
> Thank you for having me and for reading. I'm new to the neighborhood so to speak. My wife & I have been married for 32 years. Our relationship has been far from perfect but I always have felt a very strong sense of love & have always been faithful to her.
> 
> ...


SHES STAYING WITH HIM ......................

Are you insane...sorry but for gods sakes man either divorce her tomorrow or go round and tell your wife to choose, staying with him or get her stuff and her AR%E home by the count of ten, then take Alex outside and have a talk with him where no one can see

p.s.
take the kids with you


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

It is your fault. It is your daughters fault. It is the fault of everyone but your wife. 

OK. STD tests are a must. 

Then tell the school and the school district. Then tell the summer school owners.

Then out Alex and your faithless wife on CheaterVille :: Don't Be the Last to Know.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## verpin zal (Feb 23, 2013)

The rule is quite simple in these kinds of situations, good sir.

Are you married? Yes.
Are you entitled to talk about things that irritate you? Yes.
Is it in your spouse's range of responsibilities to hear and act accordingly? Yes.
Does she? No.

Patiently waiting for a day on which a spouse will say "yes honey, I think you're right" instead of "he/she is just a good friend!".

In the meantime, good sir, file for divorce. That day ain't a-comin' anytime soon. For any of us.


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## jy1220 (Jan 4, 2015)

she said she needed a couple of days to get her head straight. She says she stays in the spare room & cannot afford a hotel extended stay. This man is downright ugly in appearance & definitely not her type.


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## chaos (Mar 9, 2012)

Did she try to go live with one of your daughters before she went to live with the OM?


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## jy1220 (Jan 4, 2015)

Thank you for your response...You are right, I do not like what I am hearing/seeing in the responses.


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## D.H Mosquito (Jul 22, 2014)

jy1220 said:


> she said she needed a couple of days to get her head straight. She says she stays in the spare room & cannot afford a hotel extended stay. This man is downright ugly in appearance & definitely not her type.


Well go get her back before she discovers she doesn't care what he looks like, i would phone her now and tell her to come home or that's it all done, then you have to find out if indeed they slept apart and non sexual friendship , i would also make an appointment and get her served he rapers for divorce nothing like a good jolt to hit home the reality of the situation


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

FYI there is a laundry list of threads here where the affair partner wasn't attractive by most definitions of the word. Overweight, balding, ugly, bad dresser, still lives with momma, usually doesn't matter.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## brendanoco (Aug 6, 2014)

jy1220 said:


> she said she needed a couple of days to get her head straight. She says she stays in the spare room & cannot afford a hotel extended stay. *This man is downright ugly in appearance & definitely not her type*.


you are trying to convince yourself she is not having an affair, even though the evidence to suggest other wise is right in front of your face


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## jim123 (Sep 29, 2012)

jy1220 said:


> she said she needed a couple of days to get her head straight. She says she stays in the spare room & cannot afford a hotel extended stay. This man is downright ugly in appearance & definitely not her type.


Get her head straight? You know what is going on. He is her type right now.


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## jy1220 (Jan 4, 2015)

Thank you for your response...


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## Q tip (Apr 15, 2014)

...and what actions and plans will you be making.

Don't wait for her to take action. She already has.


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## jy1220 (Jan 4, 2015)

Thanks Philly Guy...what you say makes plenty of sense...


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## Decorum (Sep 7, 2012)

jy1220 said:


> Thank you for your response...You are right, I do not like what I am hearing/seeing in the responses.


jy1220,
After the collective gasps settle down here (mine included), this is a situation that is not uncommon on TAM. I get how it can sneak up on you and a person hesitates to do something over the top right out of the box.

Infidelity is unlike any other problem in a marriage because of the strong bonds (read addictions) that occur, and the actions required to end an affair and bring objectivity back to a wayward spouse (WS) can be counter-intuitive.

There is much help and experience that can be found here.

It is actions that count now and the men who take them fare much better here.

It will be as your wife realizes what she is losing and how she has hurt others that is your best bet to wake her up.

Let her see the hurt and pain in everyone eyes it makes a strong point.


The bad news is that women often "affair down", and we see betrayed spouses (BS) here all the time saying the other partner in "not her type" or "ugly"

Its very common. There is little doubt it went physical.

Once you file and that knocks the wind out of the affair your wife will have to be completely honest with you and give you a complete timeline of events, first "I love you" first kiss, etc, if she ever hopes to earn your trust, then you can tell her that you will let your daughters know "Mom has been completely honest with me"

I really do wish you well.
Take care!


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## Gonna Make It (Dec 3, 2012)

jy1220 said:


> Thank you for your response...


JY, I know it is hard to hear. Just like it was hard to hear from your daughters. But your gut is telling you that this is not right. I am so sorry it is happening to you. Believe me that none of us takes pleasure in confirming to you what it looks like. The bottom line is your wife has made it clear by moving in with him, the very person that started the fight between you two, that she is choosing him over you. Emotionally, she is his not yours. I know it sucks, but that is what she has told you. Now the thing you have to decide is what are you going to do about it? Are you going to support her affair with an alcoholic financially? Are you going to stick around for sloppy seconds when her fog lifts? Are you OK with knowing that you are her backup plan?


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## thummper (Dec 19, 2013)

It sounds as though she's "gone" my friend. She's chosen Alex, for whatever reason, and she'll never be able to break out from the spell she's under. Might as well run up the white flag and file for divorce. One she's been served the reality of the situation will explode inside her head and she'll suddenly be faced with what she's done. Watch her fall all over herself to get back with you.


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

jy1220 said:


> Thanks Philly Guy...what you say makes plenty of sense...


Good luck my friend. Crappy situation. Try to keep your mind busy. Don't be afraid to lean on your kids for support.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## chaos (Mar 9, 2012)

Your wife's behavior is very much like that of a person going through a MLC (mid life crisis). Like many women, she has defined her life through her relationship to others - wife, mother, grandmother - and she is now again trying to redefine her life once more. Unfortunately she has chosen a very unproductive and destructive way of doing it. A way that is taking her to becoming a very lonely woman.


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## italianjob (May 7, 2014)

C'mon man, I know this is tough to face, but really....
*She moved in with him!*
Aren't you a bit too old to believe in fairy tales? Of course this is physical. Even your daughters know this.

This is a full blown affair, maybe an exit affair. There's little you can do except file for D and move on.


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## chaos (Mar 9, 2012)

An exit affair that not only exits her marriage but her relationships with her children and grandchildren.


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## Decorum (Sep 7, 2012)

PhillyGuy13 said:


> Good luck my friend. Crappy situation. Try to keep your mind busy. Don't be afraid to lean on your kids for support.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yes time to focus on yourself, rediscover the man who tends to get lost over the years. Join a Gym, begin a hobby, see some friends, some confidence and independence, this is an attractive way to be (absolutely no begging or pleading!!!), try to eat and sleep well, this is very hard on a person.

Also realize that after you file you can call the divorce off at any time, but it is a clear upfront consequence to file.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

Deliver her stuff to his dump. Expose the affair to everyone.


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## chaos (Mar 9, 2012)

lordmayhem said:


> Deliver her stuff to his dump. Expose the affair to everyone.


If you consider this route, please take a friend or family member with you to minimize the chances of a physical confrontation.


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## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

jy1220 said:


> she said she needed a couple of days to get her head straight. She says she stays in the spare room & cannot afford a hotel extended stay. This man is downright ugly in appearance & definitely not her type.


They rarely find better and quite often downgrade in affair partners. She wanted her ego stroked and he provided. 

This affair isn't going on because she found a new "soulmate". She is trying to boost her own fragile self esteem.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

jy1220 said:


> This man is downright ugly in appearance & definitely not her type.


Yet she didn't mind dressing up like a cougar and heading to an Aerosmith concert with him. Just how far up your azz has this girl convinced you to stick you head. Come on man, wake up and smell the coffee.


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## jy1220 (Jan 4, 2015)

No, I just so badly want to believe in us, and our previous history...our family,etc...Not only that she swears up and down how much she loves me. I love her too...But everyone here is right...I'm going to by the book read it... I already gave her an ultimatum in that before anything is done for us, she needs to choose...Period..No more Alex or hit the road...


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## D.H Mosquito (Jul 22, 2014)

jy1220 said:


> No, I just so badly want to believe in us, and our previous history...our family,etc...Not only that she swears up and down how much she loves me. I love her too...But everyone here is right...I'm going to by the book read it... I already gave her an ultimatum in that before anything is done for us, she needs to choose...Period..No more Alex or hit the road...


When did you give her the ultimatum? if it wasn't done today then i'd ask her one more time and it has to be today/evening tell her if she doesn't return and give him up then you will file for divorce


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## italianjob (May 7, 2014)

Mr Useless said:


> When did you give her the ultimatum? if it wasn't done today then i'd ask her one more time and it has to be today/evening tell her if she doesn't return and give him up then you will file for divorce


But do it, never give an ultimatum if you're not willing to enforce it.


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## jim123 (Sep 29, 2012)

jy1220 said:


> No, I just so badly want to believe in us, and our previous history...our family,etc...Not only that she swears up and down how much she loves me. I love her too...But everyone here is right...I'm going to by the book read it... I already gave her an ultimatum in that before anything is done for us, she needs to choose...Period..No more Alex or hit the road...


Who is she living with? The choice has been made. If it does not work out, she will come back.

You allowed another date your wife in the open. Time to file.


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## Locke.Stratos (Sep 27, 2014)

jy1220 said:


> she said she needed a couple of days to get her head straight


Needing 'time/space/days' to 'figure things out/get head straight/sort things out' is typically said of those involved in an affair. It basically translates to her needing you out of her space or her moving out so as to have the carte blanche to explore, indulge and enjoy her new relationship without your constant presence or your nagging interfereing with this new and exciting relationship in her life.




jy1220 said:


> This man is downright ugly in appearance & definitely not her type


Dude don't fool yourself or let this be any comfort to you. Women cheat because of how someone makes them feel. Physical appearance, social status, financial prospects or even basic hygiene are inconsequential.



PhillyGuy13 said:


> FYI there is a laundry list of threads here where the affair partner wasn't attractive by most definitions of the word. Overweight, balding, ugly, bad dresser, still lives with momma, usually doesn't matter.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


True.


Seeing as you're "new to the neighbourhood" here's a little information that might help you.

Your wife is not special. Her behaviour is characteristic of an unfaithful spouse. Your story may be personal to you but it is not unique. Here is what you can expect from her:

She will lie to you frequently, effortlessly and unapologetically. Trust nothing that she says and look only towards her actions. She will deny deny deny the entire affair. She has done nothing wrong or inappropriate.

She will gas light you, blame shift and rewrite the history of your marriage, i.e. she was been unhappy for years, you're controlling and selfish, everything is your fault, you didn't pay enough attention to her and should have done blah blah blah better.

It is/will all be bull****. You should not believe it or let it affect you. Her affair is solely her choice and anything she says to the contrary is her unintelligent attempt to justify her deplorable actions.

If you take her back or attempt to reconcile, all that she will learn from it is that she can stray and still be "rewarded" with a safe and secure marriage and that you are of so little value and beneath her that you would take back someone who has treated you terribly and are therefore yourself of no worth.

Behaviour typical of cheaters also include being secretive, constantly texting, always having and being protective of their cellphone, flaking on plans, being unavailable or reachable during the day or night.



jy1220 said:


> She says that she finds him completely unattractive





jy1220 said:


> Now my wife wants to help him rebuild his life





jy1220 said:


> This man has had alot of loss in his life


The above is also the sort of garbage unfaithful spouses spew about their lovers. Other gems include _he's not even my type_, _he's just a friend_, _I'm not sure what I want/I'm confused_ or claiming _nothing is going on_.


You are not paranoid and are not out of control. Your suspicions, behaviour and feelings are normal for someone experiencing what you are going through. I don't know why you're doubting yourself, perhaps you're in denial. Either way you have to open your eyes to the truth of what has transpired and accept your reality.


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

jy1220 said:


> No, I just so badly want to believe in us, and our previous history...our family,etc...


History is one thing. Your recent history with her is another. I can appreciate how much you love her, what you been through together etc., But how you feel has little bearing one whether she's devoted and loyal to you. That, my man, is strictly dependent on how she feels about you. 
If nothing else, she is willing to take time away from you and give it to someone else. If you told this story about two people, how they go places together, constantly communicate with each other to the point of ignoring everybody else (you), call each other in emergencies, clean up and organize each others lives, it sounds like a couple in love. Dawg, I think your problem is bigger than you think. There may not be any going back.


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

Locke.Stratos said:


> she was been unhappy for years, _you're controlling and selfish, _everything is your fault, you didn't pay enough attention to her and should have done blah blah blah better.


When told to the man she's ditching, that is womanese meaning you're a weak doormat who never sez no, always lets her have her way, and therefore, she lost respect for you. This translation is 100% dead on.


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## verpin zal (Feb 23, 2013)

By the way, do a keyword search on CWI and see the results for "not her type".

Do it.

Or better yet, I did it for ya. Observe:

Her type


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Of course your wife is cheating. She has been for a long time and there is an extremely high probability she is fvcking her "project".

Yes you have been and are being a bit of a fool but you are probably in shock and she used your love and trust to betray you.

I honestly do not know how you have put up with as much as you have. I would have blown everything up and destroyed any man pathetic enough to take liberties with my wife and then my wife would be out on her ass.

How can she say she loves you while behaving like a tramp? So it would be ok for you to hang out with a younger woman that you had formed an "emotional" connection with and go out on dates with her dressed up sexy and then go live with her when your trashy behavior caused a fight?

Your wife needs a size 14 boot of reality up her tramp stamped behind!

Have her served, at her job if possible.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jy1220 (Jan 4, 2015)

I gave it to her today ...


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## Decorum (Sep 7, 2012)

jy1220 said:


> I already gave her an ultimatum in that before anything is done for us, she needs to choose...Period..No more Alex or hit the road...


Dont take this wrong JY, but this is NOT a tough ultimatum, it's a boundary you should have had in place a long time ago and your relationship should have hit a HARD STOP as soon as she crossed it.

Nor is this some kind of a consequence, it is merely an non-negotiable expectation for reconciliation.


You decide if a reconciliation is going to happen (not her!!!) and it is way too early to make that call now, don't offer and dontpromise.

Here is the mindset, "I cant even make that decision until I see the kind of remorseful actions that would lead me to believe there is something left to reconcile."

It is up to her to ask what those are and to do the heavy lifting to show you that it is worth it to you!!

You are the gatekeeper now not her.

Take care.


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

jy1220 said:


> I gave it to her today ...


Whatjew mean, you gave it to her?


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## chaos (Mar 9, 2012)

ThePheonix said:


> Whatjew mean, you gave it to her?


The ultimatum, him or hitting the road with butt ugly Alex.


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## Roselyn (Sep 19, 2010)

I'm a career woman of 56 years of age. I've been married ongoing for 35 years; first time marriage for the both of us.

You wife goes on a date with Alex to see Aerosmith. She is dressed in a skimpy dress "like a hooker" as you described. She stays until 1:00 a.m. in his place. She is texting all the time and ignores you. She stays with him while you are separated.

Your wife is having an emotional and physical affair. She takes you for a fool. Aerosmith's performances are very sexual, although this group is comprised of wild aging members. She flings her affair right in front of you and your daughters. She shows no respect for you and your daughters. She's acting like a teenager, although a grandmother.

You need to see a lawyer for legal advice. You need to divorce your wayward wife. How many times has she done this? Is Alex the only one that she had acted in this way? Married women at her age do not act in this most disgraceful way. You need to take a hard look at this woman who you placed in a pedestal. She is a bad example for your daughters.


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## Q tip (Apr 15, 2014)

...and read MMSLP


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Still, this *is* the first time she cheated, right?:scratchhead:

Or is it?


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

jy1220 said:


> No, I just so badly want to believe in us, and our previous history...our family,etc...Not only that she swears up and down how much she loves me. I love her too...But everyone here is right...I'm going to by the book read it... I already gave her an ultimatum in that before anything is done for us, she needs to choose...Period..No more Alex or hit the road...


What ? She left you and is staying with him. She isn't staying with friends. She isn't staying in a hotel. She isn't staying with family. She is staying with him. She already chose him. The only guy you had the issue with. She explicitly went to his place and is staying with him. You are way beyond the ultimatum point. Unless you are ok with the obvious, don't waste your time.


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## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

VFW said:


> First I am sorry that you are in this position. Actually, it is irrelevant if they are having sex. The relationship became inappropriate, when she was more invested in his life, then life with you. At best he has become an obsession, at worse......well you know that possibility. I would immediately call for her discontinuance of the relationship with Alex and enroll in counselling with you to get the marriage back on track. Counselling will allow her to see subjectively how destructive her behavior has been and how selfish continuing the project is to the marriage. Until she does I would go complete 180, don't discuss anything thing unless it has to do with finances or counseling. Until he is out of the picture there is no way to mend this relationship.


bull it's never irrelevant that they are having sex. It's a miserable way to cheat. Emotional or sexual they are both miserable.

I don't ever understand why people devalue sexual cheating. It's a nasty way of betrayal


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

If it was me, The talking would be over. Now I have to tell you friend, a lot of this is your fault. You saw it spiraling out of control and did nothing, then when she climbs in a limo with this guy dressed as you say like a hooker and you did nothing then look in the mirror and see who is at fault.

Now she's at this hobos house and if it was me, what ever things she still has at your house, would be packed up and dropped off at the pack rats house and tell her that she made her choice, now live with it, then hire a lawyer, secure your finances and have her served and if you want to take her back, then you better muster up some real big stones and make your conditions known and enforced and let her know that if she screws up again, there will be no other chances. 

Just for the hell of it, the next time she says she wants to come back home, let her know that she can after she passes a polygraph test and if she fails then she stays put with her hobo friend. Time to play hard ball.


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## Decorum (Sep 7, 2012)

chaos said:


> The ultimatum, him or hitting the road with butt ugly Alex.


At this point it's understandable and even desirable that you should be angry but controlled, independent and confident, you can move on if you have to. 

Tearing into her is not part of the equation, but it does happen.

Its her realization that you will get through this, heal and move on, with or without her that will move her to see that she "may" lose you.

You can even be kind but firm, don't hide the pain in your eyes but don't breakdown in front of her either.

You will get through this!

Take care!


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## Decorum (Sep 7, 2012)

6301 said:


> If it was me, The talking would be over.


Yep, its real world consequences that matter now, actions!
What words you do say should be simple and to the point.

What consequences are you going to give her?

If she is remorseful she will move heaven and earth to find out what it will take to save the relationship.


She lied, deceived, and seriously disrespected you, betrayed you, your family and marriage. She has to show at least that much and more effort to even begin thinking about reconciliation, she will need to take the lead to repair this not you!


If you met her today would you marry her knowing what she is doing? What does she have to show you in terms of character and remorselessness to even consider the process of building a new relationship.

The old marriage and relationship is forever changed, many would say destroyed, it will have to be built from the ground up now, and that without the benefit of the doubt trust that most new relationships get.

Give it some thought.


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## Sports Fan (Aug 21, 2014)

I am sorry you find yourself in this situation. Unfortunately you are now paying the price for your good nature.

These issues should have been addressed ages ago and bounary's enforced in regards to Alex.

I cant believe you let her go on a date and spend so much time with him. They are in a full blown affair. No ifs no butts. 

How can your wife respect you when you dont even respect yourself enough to enforce boundaries.

If you really want to possibly save this marriage you need to do a 180 and enforce it. 

I suggest you see a lawyer, have her served and do not even bother listening to her or being emphathetic. Your daughters are right on the money regarding this issue and their support to you will be invaluable whilst you go through this process.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

I may be mistaking what's going on here but are you saying your wife was away from home spending her summers as a counselor at a summer camp. That doesn't sound right for a married person at all. I mean, what spouse wouldn't expect something to happen. I think you've only seen the tip of a huge iceberg.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Have you gone over her phone records, verified numbers with real people?

I don't think she will come back under the right conditions but she might if you let her continue to date other men and play without you during the summer.


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## Q tip (Apr 15, 2014)

...and read MMSLP.


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## PreRaphaelite (Dec 15, 2012)

OP: it's too late for ultimatums. Your cheating wife has made a choice and has been waving it in front of your face.

Get off your horse and serve her.

And I agree with other posters. The Summer Camp thing? There is a LOT more to this than you know.


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## RWB (Feb 6, 2010)

jy1220 said:


> ...Am I just a fool?
> 
> *Is there more going on here than what I know or am I just paranoid to the point where this whole mess has just imploded and become out of control?*
> 
> I know there is a combination of issues here. I just feel lost. Any advice will be welcome.


jy, 

Reading your first post... I think you answered your own question. 

As far as a Fool? All of us that are cheated on feel foolish. In retrospect, it is painfully obvious, i.e. Flags waiving like a parade. I still remember uttering... "How could of I been so Stupid", and that was 5+ years ago. 

Wakeup Time...

You sound more naïve, unwilling to accept the reality that your wife could/would cheat. They can! *She has and Her affair has been going on a lot longer than the recent "Holiday Dustup". *You know it, we all see it. 

*The Real question: *Why would you want or attempt any form of R with a lying, unremorseful cheater? Listen, R is probably the hardest thing I have ever done in my lifetime. And, that was with a cheater that went NC day 1, begged for mercy, gave up lying (eventually), and showed 100% remorse.


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## Graywolf2 (Nov 10, 2013)

Everyone is correct. You need to file to make this permanent for her. Right now she thinks she can move back home someday and nothing will change.

The janitor who jumped her wasn’t attractive but she very openly got off on his attention. The janitor misinterpreted her reaction to his advances and jumped her. 

This new guy was the perfect storm. He combined the attention of the janitor with a charity case. Your wife’s well established charitable character couldn’t resist. 

The smoking gun here about a PA is her telling you all about the janitor and nothing (not even his existence) about this new guy.


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

I think old JY may have gotten overwhelmed with the dose of reality he's received.


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## Squeakr (May 1, 2013)

jy1220 said:


> she said she needed a couple of days to get her head straight. She says she stays in the spare room & cannot afford a hotel extended stay. This man is downright ugly in appearance & definitely not her type.


Mine chose men that all were older, fat, bald, and one had one eye and the other one ball, and the last not even one dollar. They don't always affair up! Also with women it isn't always about looks and some )especially teachers and nurses) seem to have this inherent ideal that they need to and can help and fix everyone.

Also she is trying to get you onboard with him as a friend so she doesn't see it as such an aversion to you what she is doing. I mean he is a friend and a good guy, so why does it matter, right? Believe me my *teacher *STBXW did the same to me.

If it was no big deal then she wouldn't be hiding it from you. My STBXW told me the same and when I finally found the truth (email, texts, pics, etc) everything she did with these losers wasn't even a consideration to be done with me (shows how much she really cared and thought about me, right). Heck, she was even making jokes and putting me and my family down with him. It was a game being played at my expense. Don't let your 
life turn into something like yahtzee or parcheesi like mine did.
Sorry you are here.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Some believe they are the others(OM) savior. Generally, the OM is working it. 

Your W has left and is at the OM house. There is nothing to work out other than when you will serve the D papers.


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## tulsy (Nov 30, 2012)

Roselyn said:


> ...She takes you for a fool. ....


Which is what happens if you FOOLISHLY allow another man to date your wife.

Unbelievably foolish.


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## chaos (Mar 9, 2012)

Consider you and your daughters going dark on her as much as possible. Let her rely completely on the OM for all her needs. Reality will soon start to destroy whatever fantasy world she has created for herself. Like an addict, she needs to hit rock bottom first before she will be ready for personal recovery.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

Truth Bias is at work, JY. You believed her to be trustworthy due to years of history with her. So your bias is to believe what she says. Part of your discomfort right now is the shock of realizing she has lied to you, and possibly betrayed you sexually.

I think there is a corollary, which is the Love Bias. You still feel you love her, but that is based on all the years of history. You now have to realign your view of her with a new reality, and that also causes you distress.

None of this is unique to you, but it sure is personal when it is happening to you. Don't feel like you are some kind of fool or idiot for letting things get to this point. Much of it was out of your control anyway, because you cannot control what another person does. Because of your love and your history with her, you naturally did not react as quickly as you now think you should have.

Someone mentioned boundaries. That is what this is about for you, what you will allow into your life. If your wife has done things which are unacceptable, do not accept them any longer! Divorce is not mandatory, but neither is reconciliation. I am of similar age and length of marriage as you, so I understand there are many complexities for you which would not apply if you were 25 and just newly married when something like this happens.

Good luck.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

tulsy said:


> Which is what happens if you FOOLISHLY allow another man to date your wife.
> 
> Unbelievably foolish.


I'm still trying to process the entire Aerosmith/limo/postage stamp sized skirt date night. :scratchhead:


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## Devastated an lost (Oct 29, 2014)

This is the same thing that happened to me. It's almost like you wrote my story The texting & talking about the OW all the time. It took me 6 months to catch them. I had the same gut feelings that you're having. Don't ignore them. If I had listened to mine when I started to suspect something was going on I might've been able to stop it before it got physical.


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## chaos (Mar 9, 2012)

No more "benefit of the doubt" for she has lost that privilege through her brazen behavior. Not words nor promises, only actions are the currency you should accept from her.


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## MachoMcCoy (Oct 20, 2014)

weightlifter said:


> Would she have been okay with you going to a concert with a woman dressed like her?


Think of how many "is she cheating" threads could be whittled down to a SINGLE response of "turn the scenario around". 

And dude. You are a newbie. I SWEAR that almost EVERY SINGLE AFFAIR that was eventually confirmed had "he is ugly/fat/not my type" in the very first post.

And just out of curiosity, have you ever seen this guy to confirm his appearance? Seen his house to confirm he's a hoarder?



jy1220 said:


> My wife claims that at that time Alex from camp happened to be texting her while she was hiding from the janitor.


And lastly. What a HUGE co-inky-dink that she would just happen to be texting this guy at the time.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

An important factor you haven't mentioned is your sex life. Its important to know if changed over the years and if its changed in the last year, better, the same, or worse.


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## Q tip (Apr 15, 2014)

Graywolf2 said:


> Everyone is correct. You need to file to make this permanent for her. Right now she thinks she can move back home someday and nothing will change.
> 
> The janitor who jumped her wasnt attractive but she very openly got off on his attention. The janitor misinterpreted her reaction to his advances and jumped her.
> 
> ...


Yep yep yep. :iagree:

She told him everything he needed to know to nail her. He became whatever she wanted him to be. He'll dump her sorry arse next. Then home to plan B. Rinse and repeat.


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## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

I wonder where JY is ? Update ?


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## BobSimmons (Mar 2, 2013)

jy1220 said:


> she said she needed a couple of days to get her head straight. She says she stays in the spare room & cannot afford a hotel extended stay. This man is downright ugly in appearance & definitely not her type.


What type is that?

The type she ran to to stay at his house? 

The type that is probably banging her silly right now?


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## Iver (Mar 8, 2013)

As it stands now you need to be working towards a divorce. See a lawyer. Get papers filed. You can always stop the procedings.

You also need to get tested for STDs. Any reconciliation with your wife should include her getting tested and showing you the results.

IF your wife agrees to come home and stop all contact with the hobo you might have a salvageable marriage. She will deny any affair of course. Polygraph is an option if you want to get to the bottom of things. 

Perhaps go over to the house at six a.m. and bang on the door till it opens and see where she's sleeping? (Bring your daughter as well to avoid any altercations.)

Just keep in mind even if no physical affair is happening, her bringing another man into your marriage is 100% valid grounds for a divorce.


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## harrybrown (May 22, 2013)

How would she feel if the roles were reversed?

If you had a "project"?

She had the stupidity to have you think she went to his house and is not sleeping with him.

I guess she really wants a big project now. How to ever have a relationship with her daughters again after cheating on the family.


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## Gonna Make It (Dec 3, 2012)

wmn1 said:


> I wonder where JY is ? Update ?


Probably overwhelmed. A lot of posters seem to be taking great delight in rubbing his nose in his wife's affair.


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## sidney2718 (Nov 2, 2013)

Gonna Make It said:


> Probably overwhelmed. A lot of posters seem to be taking great delight in rubbing his nose in his wife's affair.


He said he gave his wife an ultimatum yesterday. Today he's almost certainly busy talking to his wife and/or deciding what to do.


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## Iver (Mar 8, 2013)

I'd also recommend trying to retrieve all the texting that was done between your wife and the OM. If you have the same account - in your name - you should have the legal right to that information.

Check out the tech threads or get a techie to do it for you if you don't know how. This will most likely shed a great deal of light on the situation.


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

OP,

Yours is a painful lesson that many BS's don't learn before it's too late. A lesson about marital boundaries. You should have given her an ultimatum long before now. You can't accept your wife dating, texting and spending her free time with another man. And most definitely; you can't accept her living with that man while you're separated. No matter how ugly or disgusting he may seem to you.

I agree with the other posters. Now it's too late to do anything other than to go forward with divorce. Then wait to see if she tries to beg you back and demonstrates remorse during that process. Even if that happens, there's still a long way to go before you should consider R.

If you follow the advice, keep posting and let us know how she reacts after you file for D. Most of us have been where you are now.


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## Devastated an lost (Oct 29, 2014)

MattMatt said:


> It is your fault. It is your daughters fault. It is the fault of everyone but your wife.
> 
> OK. STD tests are a must.
> 
> ...


MattMatt, When you post a cheater here.Does it show or can they find out who posted it.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Devastated an lost said:


> MattMatt, When you post a cheater here.Does it show or can they find out who posted it.


I believe it is anonymous.


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## Squeakr (May 1, 2013)

It can be found out. Not necessarily by the cheater but trails exist to verify the poster identity to an extent.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Q tip (Apr 15, 2014)

Kinda depends on what optional evidence is to be used. If any.

Just be smart and write it like a neighbor observing.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Squeakr said:


> It can be found out. Not necessarily by the cheater but trails exist to verify the poster identity to an extent.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


One poster's wife was posted along with her affair partner. He didn't like it and felt it harmed his chances to reconcile. He was never able to find out who did it and couldn't get it taken down.

You can post anonymously. The problem would be giving details that could be only known to the poster.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

MachoMcCoy said:


> And just out of curiosity, have you ever seen this guy to confirm his appearance? Seen his house to confirm he's a hoarder?


Yes...



jy1220 said:


> So, currently the situation has evolved to the point where all my wife talks about is Alex, his problems, what she is doing to help him. This involves both emotional and financial resources. I have tried to be supportive and have done some work at his house and on his car etc.


Getting her husband involved with Alex is a smooth move. It helps deflect any suspicions.


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## Squeakr (May 1, 2013)

Chaparral said:


> One poster's wife was posted along with her affair partner. He didn't like it and felt it harmed his chances to reconcile. He was never able to find out who did it and couldn't get it taken down.
> 
> You can post anonymously. The problem would be giving details that could be only known to the poster.


There is a legal service that claims they can get posts taken down. If you check out their claims, the way it happens is they file suit against cheaterville and the poster and then Cheaterville has to verify the validity of the post through deposition according to their site. If the claimant doesn't come through with notarized proof and statement then they sue for defamation or removal. They claim no win, no fee and you only pay if they get it removed. Don't know how true it is but that is their claim. Although it can be anonymously listed you have to create a user to post it and that is verified somehow so it isn't truly anonymous from on my understanding, hence my statement. Most everything on the net cab be traced if one puts enough effort into it (unless someone goes to the effort of using an anonymizer vpn to hide behind. 

Sometimes people don't fight it because how can you fight the truth?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RClawson (Sep 19, 2011)

Teachers and nurses. The absolute worst although the school year is half over and my W has reported no colleague affairs to this point. I am confident they will not disappoint by year end.


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## syhoybenden (Feb 21, 2013)

Squeakr said:


> There is a legal service that claims they can get posts taken down. If you check out their claims, the way it happens is they file suit against cheaterville and the poster and then Cheaterville has to verify the validity of the post through deposition according to their site. If the claimant doesn't come through with notarized proof and statement then they sue for defamation or removal. They claim no win, no fee and you only pay if they get it removed. Don't know how true it is but that is their claim. Although it can be anonymously listed you have to create a user to post it and that is verified somehow so it isn't truly anonymous from on my understanding, hence my statement. Most everything on the net cab be traced if one puts enough effort into it (unless someone goes to the effort of using an anonymizer vpn to hide behind.
> 
> Sometimes people don't fight it because how can you fight the truth?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Apparently true. Over at the m b site there is currently a poster who has had two c'ville postings taken down after 8 and 2 days respectively. The theory over there is that c'ville is accepting payment from the posted party, but legal leveraging makes more sense to me.


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

If CV has in fact become a racket for extracting money from cheaters to have posts about them taken down, then it is useless and will soon lose appeal (although there is some satisfaction in getting cheaters to pay for "protection").

No sign of OP huh?


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

Chaparral said:


> One poster's wife was posted along with her affair partner. He didn't like it and felt it harmed his chances to reconcile. He was never able to find out who did it and couldn't get it taken down.


Somebody felt that what's good for the goose is good for the gander. It was likely the other man.


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## Graywolf2 (Nov 10, 2013)

jy1220 said:


> No, I just so badly want to believe in us, and our previous history...our family,etc...Not only that she swears up and down how much she loves me. I love her too...But everyone here is right...I'm going to by the book read it... I already gave her an ultimatum in that before anything is done for us, she needs to choose...Period..No more Alex or hit the road...


She has abandoned you. Abandonment is clear grounds for divorce everywhere. If you want to get her back or get rid of her file now. If you don’t there are only two results. She continues living with the OM or she comes home and continues to date the OM.

Years ago a very compassionate female friend of mine felt sorry for a loser and gave him a sympathy [email protected] to improve his self-esteem. Your wife might be doing the same with the OM since he’s her project now. 

He cries about how worthless he is and she consoles him. Then he perks up and she can see how she helped him. She also cleans up his place and can see a drastic improvement in his situation. She has never seen her efforts have such dramatic and rapid results before. She hasn't felt this needed in years. 

*It all boils down to that Alex needs her more than you and her daughters. He would be lost without her and she can’t bring herself to abandon him. You and her daughters can manage fine on your own.* 

P.S. What made me mad was that the loser told everyone. I guess he had to brag. If I got a [email protected] from a nice girl to make me feel better about myself I would take it to the grave.


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## verpin zal (Feb 23, 2013)

...another marriage bites the dust?


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

I am starting to get used to these betrayed spouses starting up a thread, getting advice (often very obvious and good advice) and then disappearing with us never knowing what happened.


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