# Wife says im obsessd



## lordfire00 (Jun 28, 2014)

Wow, my wife and i were having a talk, and she said that im starting to act different again (in terms of acting obsessed) apparently with her, cuz we havent had sex recently, and she has given me attention lately. She said her priorities are the day to day operations in our house and to me they are us and the sex and intimacy. How on earth is wanting to be with my wife , being obsessed. I cant understand that. Ive been giving her space.


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## I Don't Know (Oct 8, 2013)

lordfire00 said:


> Wow, my wife and i were having a talk, and she said that im starting to act different again (in terms of acting obsessed) apparently with her, cuz we havent had sex recently, and she has given me attention lately. She said her priorities are the day to day operations in our house and to me they are us and the sex and intimacy. How on earth is wanting to be with my wife , being obsessed. I cant understand that. Ive been giving her space.


Well, when one party isn't interested in sex, it is the duty of the second party to completely ignore sex at all costs. Failure to do so will result in being labeled a sex addict, sex obsessed, pervert, or worse. Sorry you are finding this out the hard way.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Two books
"No More Mr. Nice Guy"
"Married Mans Sex Life Primer"
Get them.
Does your wife work?
Is she glued to her phone?


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

tom67 said:


> Two books
> *"No More Mr. Nice Guy"
> "Married Mans Sex Life Primer"*
> Get them.
> ...


:iagree: nuf said.


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

lordfire00 said:


> Wow, my wife and i were having a talk, and she said that im starting to act different again (in terms of acting obsessed) apparently with her, cuz we havent had sex recently, and she has given me attention lately. She said her priorities are the day to day operations in our house and to me they are us and the sex and intimacy. How on earth is wanting to be with my wife , being obsessed. I cant understand that. Ive been giving her space.


How much are you helping with the day to day operations in the house?


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## Angelou (Oct 21, 2014)

What else are you doing besides asking for it. Sometimes a lady wants romance or..


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

"Pervert!"

"Thank you for your opinion, wife. Though I must confess to being confused by your logic. Please explain again why it's preferrable for me to NOT desire you?"


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## lordfire00 (Jun 28, 2014)

*Re: Re: Wife says im obsessd*



SlowlyGoingCrazy said:


> How much are you helping with the day to day operations in the house?


Everyday.... To answer ur question. I think what also impedes on the situation is, she is also caring for my inlaws. The live with us, well i thought just temporary, but i guess im discovering that it could be a permanent arrangment. Ive just reached the point to where, im gonna let the puzzle pieces fall where they fall.


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## lordfire00 (Jun 28, 2014)

*Re: Re: Wife says im obsessd*



Angelou said:


> What else are you doing besides asking for it. Sometimes a lady wants romance or..


I give her massages, i try and take us out to eat when (her schedule allows it).


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## lordfire00 (Jun 28, 2014)

*Re: Re: Wife says im obsessd*



tom67 said:


> Two books
> "No More Mr. Nice Guy"
> "Married Mans Sex Life Primer"
> Get them.
> ...


Does my wife work? Yes she does, but she doesnt think about taking anytime out for us to spend. The only time she actualy thinks of it is when....im dead tired.


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## Buddy400 (Aug 30, 2014)

You asked



SlowlyGoingCrazy said:


> How much are you helping with the day to day operations in the house?


He answered



lordfire00 said:


> Everyday.... To answer ur question.


That's always the answer.

Guys that want their wife to have sex with them always try that first (if they weren't doing it already, which they usually were). Then they come here.

And yet, women keep asking this question as if it's ever the problem.


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

Buddy400 said:


> You asked
> 
> 
> 
> ...



Talk to the women who are too tired from the day to day for sex and you'll get a different side. It IS sometimes the problem (I believe there was a huge thread about it recently chores vs. sex or something like that) 
Expessially when what she mentioned is the day to day stuff. Is she doing more than 50% of it? That's an issue.


ETA: this is the thread


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## murphy5 (May 1, 2014)

you perv!

I suggest you tell her "sorry, i can not control my being a perv. To spare you any further grief, i will chase after other women"


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

1. how often are you having sex.
2. how often do you want to.
3. how often does she want to.


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## lordfire00 (Jun 28, 2014)

*Re: Re: Wife says im obsessd*



Thundarr said:


> 1. how often are you having sex.
> 2. how often do you want to.
> 3. how often does she want to.


1. Sometimes twice a week, sometime once a week, sometimes once in two weeks

2. I want sex everyday (hd)

3. She no longer cares about sex


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

lordfire00 said:


> Does my wife work? Yes she does, but she doesnt think about taking anytime out for us to spend. The only time she actualy thinks of it is when....im dead tired.


How many hours a week do each of you work at your jobs?


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

lordfire00 said:


> Everyday.... To answer ur question. *I think what also impedes on the situation is, she is also caring for my inlaws.* The live with us, well i thought just temporary, but i guess im discovering that it could be a permanent arrangment. Ive just reached the point to where, im gonna let the puzzle pieces fall where they fall.


Do your in-laws require a lot of hands-on care? Is that taking up a big chunk of her free time and contributing to her being very tired? Caring for elderly parents can be highly stressful, and emotionally difficult.


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## Mr The Other (Feb 1, 2014)

tom67 said:


> Two books
> "No More Mr. Nice Guy"
> "Married Mans Sex Life Primer"
> Get them.
> ...


According to those books, I would have been getting sex a few times aday with my wife. Women genuinely vary. Those books are a good start if you are doing things very stupidly (and we often do), however, sometimes the problem is deeper.


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## Zouz (May 28, 2014)

Dear ,

Chemistry is a major trigger in your case ; you are HD ( like me ) she is LD ( Mine is worse she has no sex drive ...).

Looking at those facts , if you don't act soon you will fall into the trap of sex favors for other jobs .

Irresepective of how much you help , how much you in terms of house responsibilities .
I am not sure if you are a sensitive person , but I beleieve every HD is .
When your wife deprive from sex ( even if she doesn't say no ; it is just if she express that she will do it for you but not feeling up to); this alone will make you feel bad ; because you have expectations that will never be met .

I advise you to cut a long story short and suggest to her a fixed schedule that is convenient ; like twice per week ; one of the encounters in the weekend.

This way you don't wait for her like waiting for godot nor have expectation .

As a wife who wants to keep her husband at home ; she has to commit at her ease.

you have to make sure that she understand that breaking this schedule ( unless have the monthly visitor or really have a problem )- is like breaking a contract .

it is equivalent for you to cheating .

I red somewhere a quote from a women whom I really respect and admire :
"Wether you like it or not ; a wife should make sure that your husband used his balls at home before going out "

Regards


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

Have you ever heard that a man is supposed to be a leader?

That is what your situation calls for.

You are in a wife led marriage. And that's not working for you. And most would argue it's not a marriage at all, since it revolves around many other people who are not the husband and the wife.


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## lordfire00 (Jun 28, 2014)

*Re: Re: Wife says im obsessd*



Hicks said:


> Have you ever heard that a man is supposed to be a leader?
> 
> That is what your situation calls for.
> 
> You are in a wife led marriage. And that's not working for you. And most would argue it's not a marriage at all, since it revolves around many other people who are not the husband and the wife.


Thw culture between my wife and i is different. She doesnt believe things should revolve around us, but us around things. My wife does lead the pact, but thats because of my inlaws being around. What i have learned about my wife is, shes a manipulator. But ive put a stop to this, and i know she is feeling the resistance. My wife likes having control because she learned it from her mother. Like ive said before, when my inlaws were not around, things were good. My wife and i have 2 different points of view on how a marriage or relationship should work regardless of kids or not.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Problems with sex in a marriage is a symptom of larger problems in the relationship. Fix the relationship and the sex problems will go away.

It sounds to me like your wife is over committed to everything but your marriage. Are there things you can do to lift some of this? 

For example hire someone to come in and help with her parents sometimes so that they two of you can get away for a weekend. 

Or hire someone to clean the house so that she is only taking care of her parents. Look for programs that help the elderly and take advantage of these.

Or even better, get her parents into an assisted living situation where time spent with them is more social.


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

lordfire00 said:


> Thw culture between my wife and i is different. She doesnt believe things should revolve around us, but us around things. My wife does lead the pact, but thats because of my inlaws being around. What i have learned about my wife is, shes a manipulator. But ive put a stop to this, and i know she is feeling the resistance. My wife likes having control because she learned it from her mother. Like ive said before, when my inlaws were not around, things were good. My wife and i have 2 different points of view on how a marriage or relationship should work regardless of kids or not.


Yes. And she asserted her point of view. I"m telling you to assert your point of view in order to solve your problem. 

Having inlaws live with you is a marriage killer. That's where you start. If they need care, this should be provided by professionals.


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## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

EleGirl said:


> Problems with sex in a marriage is a symptom of larger problems in the relationship. Fix the relationship and the sex problems will go away.



This:iagree:

"All you care about is sex" is code language for "you don't care about me." Translation... you missed an empathy opportunity and she is holding resentment over it. Though you are helping her around the house, she feels an additional load and if you are blind to it, she isn't going to be thrilled over sexual advances. Doesn't make her right, but that's typically the pattern I notice, that when she feels overloaded and the guy doesn't hear her heart about it, rejection and resentment sets in for her 1st and then for him when sex is rejected... toxic circle. Break it by examining IF an empathy was missed somewhere. As soon as she sees you seeing it and having compassion for it... sex will be a breeze. UNLESS... its something else That's the feel I have here is an unintentional missed empathy.


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

lordfire00 said:


> 1. Sometimes twice a week, sometime once a week, sometimes once in two weeks
> 
> 2. I want sex everyday (hd)
> 
> 3. She no longer cares about sex


Taking on caregiver responsibilities is 24/7 stress. Maybe you talk with her and you guys agree on a frequency that more than not but less than daily. Even set up a schedule.

But I can tell you now if you're looking for enthusiastic sex often then you're SOL. That's not realistic given the stress that's on you both right now. 1-3 times per week and sometimes not enthusiastic sound more realistic.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening all
Unfortunately when one partner doesn't want sex, there is often little that can be done about it. They will find endless "reasons". You can pressure them into "duty sex", but you can't make someone with no desire want sex.

HD people will think that you are doing something wrong, because they can't imagine not wanting sex if the relationship is good, but often the HD person is doing everything possible.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

Here's what I did when sex was a problem.

I took a good look in the mirror and asked myself if I would want to do me if I was my wife.

I wouldn't.

So I went and fixed that.

I'm not saying there aren't deeper issues in your relationship, there sure is with mine. But this fixed the "wife wasn't that interested in sex with me" part.


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