# Finally... got served with divorce papers



## Bluebirdie (Apr 26, 2014)

Those who know my story know that I have been waiting for this. Ok... finally it came today. Had been receiving drafts of the document more than twice so I just went through it and signed. Our ages were wrong, hope attorney can fix that. To be honest, I feel a relief, it is happening and there is no turn back. Sad to know we could have done it years back, but this is the moment and I am ready for it. Now, hopefully attorney will ammend the ages and deliver it to the judge. Waiting now for the "hearing" which here is just to go and sign to agree. Hopefully it will take no more than 2 months. My mind is set as "divorced" almost than a year ago. 

Only thing I feel sorry about myself is that I dont have ANY interest in starting a new relationship... even with my STBXH. And dont want to end my life alone. Time will tell.


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## Coffee Amore (Dec 15, 2011)

Were you both listed as younger than you both are?



Bluebirdie said:


> Only thing I feel sorry about myself is that I dont have ANY interest in starting a new relationship... even with my STBXH. And dont want to end my life alone. Time will tell.


You don't have any interest... now. Who knows a year or two from now you might feel differently. Or not. And that's ok too. Given the posts of yours I've read, especially about the wonderful overseas trip, I think you'll find companionship and friendship again.


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

When I went through this, I considered priesthood or "dropping soap

in bath houses" LOL. That feeling will pass. A D is something like a death.

You knew it was coming but it still hurt. It's like me watching the first

Matrix, for the 150th time, when Morpheus said "he is beginning to 

believe".... the hair on my back stands up. Take the time to observe.

Keep in mind what we spoke about earlier.


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## Bluebirdie (Apr 26, 2014)

Coffee Amore said:


> Were you both listed as younger than you both are?


Yes, it has us listed 2 years younger for me and one for him. Hope they can ammend simply and dont make them do it again.


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## Bluebirdie (Apr 26, 2014)

Chuck71 said:


> When I went through this, I considered priesthood or "dropping soap in bath houses" LOL. That feeling will pass. A D is something like a death.
> 
> You knew it was coming but it still hurt. It's like me watching the first Matrix, for the 150th time, when Morpheus said "he is beginning to believe".... the hair on my back stands up. Take the time to observe.
> Keep in mind what we spoke about earlier.


Thank you so much Chuck, you are SO RIGHT! First, yesterday I had a job interview and felt like in the clouds not in place, had signs of a cold and a headache... not normal huh? Was hating him for "having to look for a job" but actually understood it is me that need it and I will be better working than at the house taking tea or having breakfasts for a social life... that is not me. 
Then I had an email ready to send for the day when this was going to happen, telling him I forgive him for xx, yy, zz things that happened and I kept putting it together without that huge hate but couldnt leave the M without giving my point and opinion. Sent it asking for no response.
Then about 3 days ago I heard he was not doing ok, he told it to a family member, can't do anything about it... it has been the pile of decisions he has made during these 2 years and if he thinks this will make him feel good... his right to do it. I am not into it anymore, trying has damaged me a lot. 

And LOL, not thinking about going for a nun, but I totally get your point! Is good to know I am not alone unfortunately experiencing this


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Bluebirdie said:


> Only thing I feel sorry about myself is that I dont have ANY interest in starting a new relationship...


Why do you feel sorry about that? To me, it's healthy. Why would you want to jump from a marriage to another relationship so fast? Take time to grieve, work through your feelings, and heal.

It's not a marathon.


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## Bluebirdie (Apr 26, 2014)

Jellybeans said:


> Why do you feel sorry about that? To me, it's healthy. Why would you want to jump from a marriage to another relationship so fast? Take time to grieve, work through your feelings, and heal.
> 
> It's not a marathon.


LOL, yes, you are right. And the more time it goes by, the best my heart will be open for a new relationship. Yesterday I had this job interview and the man was around 50, widow, and started talking a loooooooooot.... felt nauseus and wanted to get out of there, but will get used to it and not take things personally as the decision is mine right?

thank you for your words :flowerkitty:


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

FWIW, I couldn't even FATHOM any kind of relationship for a VERY long time post-D. Like, it was not even a blip on my brain. And that was totally fine. Because, hello, divorce. I am always amazed at how some people can go from major relationship to another serious one so fast. It's just something I've never been built for.


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## movealong (Aug 9, 2013)

Hey BB! It does get better. Watching your posts over the months I really believe you will do well. 

There is no hurry to get in to a serious relationship. Do what feels right and natural. If you have to "force" something, walk away instead because it will save you from problems later.

p.s. - you will be fine.


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## Bluebirdie (Apr 26, 2014)

movealong said:


> Hey BB! It does get better. Watching your posts over the months I really believe you will do well.
> 
> There is no hurry to get in to a serious relationship. Do what feels right and natural. If you have to "force" something, walk away instead because it will save you from problems later.
> 
> p.s. - you will be fine.


Thank you so much Movealong. I have to catch up with how things are going but it seems you are doing great and I am so happy for it! Thank you for your words, now I am becoming more anxious to sign in front of the judge, but time will come, just hope they dont reject the document because of the ages, better to sign another one in a day or two but the lawyer is out of the country and comes back until the weekend.

It feels SO good to be here, it is a place where you feel accompanied each step of the way. Thank you!!! 

ps. I love your avatar!


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

movealong said:


> If you have to "force" something, walk away instead because it will save you from problems later.


:iagree: Great advice, Move.


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

You really seem to be doing just fine. You're making healthy, responsible decisions which is all anyone can every hope to do. The future will bring what it chooses to bring-with honesty and gusto!


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## Bluebirdie (Apr 26, 2014)

UPDATE....

This morning had a breakfast with two of his cousins at 8:30. I was early and in the way it was the office... didnt see his car so stopped to drop off the signed papers to the secretary. To my surprise, he was there. I could lie, but I wont... didnt put too much attention to him. Said hi politely and hugged/kissed my sister who was with him. Later I was sitting in the restaurant and got a call from him...

He was in a car accident on Saturday night, car was determined by insurance a total loss, called me to ask for a signature for the insurance papers because of the policy company rep name. At the same time he said he was going to give me money to change my car... WTF???? Guess it is his concience, or whatever. But I am glad he is ok.

4 weeks ago he also was assaulted while climbing the volcano and asked to move to the bushes, he ran and heard a shot, says he could smell the gun powder, but there are several curves, so guess he could managed to get out of it knowing the paths. 

I am so sorry for him and couldnt imagine what would I have done or feel something happened to him. He is the father of my kids, but that is what first comes to my mind. Then that he was the man I was married to. Feels weird, but thankful he is ok.


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

By doing these things, what is he wishing to accomplish? Do you think it

may be something he internalizes doing to "be a man" to his father?

I apologize if I mentioned something you did not wish to be posted

on your thread but... I have a hunch on his actions. What would he do if you

refused any monies he gave you? From his PoV, giving you things makes him

feel he is "in control." Relate that to his and his father's relationship.


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## Bluebirdie (Apr 26, 2014)

You are right Chuck, have a good point. Nothing to apologize, this has been his attitude several times... I actually dont know or think I am ready for a change of car. I can do it with my own work. You've got a point. 

I already sent him back twice the no-motive money he sent; got it back and didnt make another attempt. But I can make a point by talking directly and telling him I dont want to be depending on him for everything. 

His cousins say that is his way of showing "love" ... what??? I don't agree after the damage he has done. 

Just one doubt... he would be in "control" but of what if we are already divorced?


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

to you, he is no longer

to him, if he has the power of "green paper"

he "assumes" he is in control

that is the difference between assuming and fact


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## Bluebirdie (Apr 26, 2014)

Oh, oh! We have a problem here... I am done with this and dont plan to look back. I just hope he doesnt come back with the "blah blah blah" speech one day. This has been serious stuff for me. I grew up in a healthy home until I was almost 16 and not the family he grew up where everybody splitted and now it turns boys turned into men are taking revenge of their moms with their spouses, or trying to show their dads they are good or better... 

Hope there is no more coming than the final signature, if it is... I guess I will be so sorry for him. I dont see my life with him by my side again. Has been a tough experience and to be sincere can't picture myself on it again.


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## ILoveSparkles (Oct 28, 2013)

Jellybeans said:


> FWIW, I couldn't even FATHOM any kind of relationship for a VERY long time post-D. Like, it was not even a blip on my brain. And that was totally fine. Because, hello, divorce. I am always amazed at how some people can go from major relationship to another serious one so fast. It's just something I've never been built for.


I agree! It seems as though it's often men that start dating and getting serious much more quickly than women. It amazes me too. Honestly, part of me wonders if these men want to show their wife/STBXW that he has options? I don't know??


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

I see it as a two way street. but that's another story


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## Bluebirdie (Apr 26, 2014)

Chuck71 said:


> I see it as a two way street. but that's another story


Please explain the two way street, please.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Yes said:


> I agree! It seems as though it's often men that start dating and getting serious much more quickly than women. It amazes me too. Honestly, part of me wonders if these men want to show their wife/STBXW that he has options? I don't know??


Well it's said that most men go on to remarry in larger numbers than women do. So I think there is something to that. I do think there is some truth to that.

My own ex and I dealt with it very differently. He went wild and said there were lots of women and I seriously felt like I couldn't even leave home, I was so depressed.


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

Bluebirdie said:


> Please explain the two way street, please.


was directed towards "Yes" comment. I thought I quoted it.


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

BB,
IMO, the offer of more money is a control issue for him, but I also think he hasn't made the mental/emotional separation for the D. He still thinks of you as "his", someone he is responsible for.

Or its all guilt money....


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

Bluebirdie said:


> Oh, oh! We have a problem here... I am done with this and dont plan to look back. I just hope he doesnt come back with the "blah blah blah" speech one day. This has been serious stuff for me. I grew up in a healthy home until I was almost 16 and not the family he grew up where everybody splitted and now it turns boys turned into men are taking revenge of their moms with their spouses, or trying to show their dads they are good or better... /QUOTE]
> 
> 
> "Don't bother just to be better than your contemporaries or predecessors. Try to be better than yourself." William Faulkner


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

I would take the money if he's offering it.


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## Bluebirdie (Apr 26, 2014)

Thank you all for your comments, in fact he already sent the money transfer some minutes ago... Will take it.


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