# Ended EA; emotions all over the board right now



## tigger01 (Oct 12, 2011)

For all of you who have been following my posts, provided advice, etc., I finally, but tearfully, ended my EA yesterday, and also made a visit (just as tearful) to my priest yesterday. I honestly can't say yet that I feel like the weight has been lifted, but it could be that my heart is still so very broken right now. I mean, I know that I absolutely had to do what I did today, because I could no longer live with the constant guilt or the ongoing damage that it was causing in my marriage, but saying goodbye was not easy! Will this hurt go away? Will the love that I once had for my husband return? Will that inner peace and happiness that left me eight months ago - when I got involved with this OM - soon return? Right now it just really, really hurts, but again - I KNOW I did what I HAD to do!! 

I think, if anything, this has caused us to take a good look at our marriage; the marriage we let die all too many years ago, the marriage that needs to have some issues addressed.

Please provide some words of encouragement, and please keep me (us) in your prayers. Thank you!


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## DanF (Sep 27, 2010)

Yes, it will get better. You are still in the "fog" of your affair. As time goes on, you will realize that you aren't in love with the OM, but have simply enjoyed the emotional rush of doing something naughty, dirty, and sexy.
Can you and your husband find the newly wed love that you desire? That is up to the two of you.
Does H know of your affair? If not, tell him and when you do, tell him everything.
Seek counseling to find out where the two of you went wrong in your marriage so that you can get it back.

The road that you are now on is a rough one, but it can be traveled.
Good Luck.


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## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

Have you told your husband about your affair? You are still in a fog.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

I don't want to sound like a broken record but get the book "His Needs Her Needs" by Willard Harley. It is specifically written to help spouses who have become disconnected.


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## HusbandInPain (Nov 8, 2011)

chapparal said:


> I don't want to sound like a broken record but get the book "His Needs Her Needs" by Willard Harley. It is specifically written to help spouses who have become disconnected.


Keep sounding away! I've just bought two copies of this book on your recommendation and it's excellent!


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## sigma1299 (May 26, 2011)

Tigger - yes it will get better - but it's going to get worse before it does. It's withdrawal - plain and simple. Like going through withdrawal for anything it keeps getting worse for a while before it starts to get better, this is no different. 

From my own experience I'll offer this advice to you. Just like quitting alcohol or drugs the best way is to draw a hard line in the sand and never ever touch them again. Your AP is no different. Tell him you are going no contact and then never communicate with him again in any form whatsoever - period. This will help your husband but it will also help you. You are likely going to want to know if he's ok, to tell him you're sorry, to get a "good" goodbye. Don't. Those things don't exist. Affairs only end badly and any efforts to have one end nicely are wasted and only prolong the pain for everyone - your H, your AP and you. Again, I learned this the hard way and it's a lesson you're better to take my word on than learn yourself. 

I hope you have told your H about the affair. Personally I never could have quit my EA without the help of my wife. Knowing I had to be accountable to her was the ONLY thing that kept me from running back. The addiction was so strong that my wife was the only thing strong enough to break it. Left to my own devices only I would have crumbled. 

Good Luck. Stay strong, it will get better.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

HusbandInPain said:


> Keep sounding away! I've just bought two copies of this book on your recommendation and it's excellent!


Thank you, very much. I really appreciate it.


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## HerToo (Oct 3, 2011)

I'm a few months past where you are now. The pain in the heart, soul, and mind feel awful. The grieving of a relationship that felt so warm and loving is very rough. But remember, it was not the way a good relationship was to start or continue. It had to end. The damage it did to you emotionally will start to come out. Despite the pain, maintain NC with the OM. It will hurt like hell, but do it for you and others involved. 

You will soon re-evaluate your marriage while you express remorse for your actions. Go to counseling and learn more about you and your marriage. It takes lots of time.

I'm approaching the crossroads of a decision on my future. How long that will take is anyone's guess. But I will not shoot from the hip.

There are plenty of people here on this board to help. Come here often. It's been a huge help to me as I walk through the painful fire of post-affair emotions.

Remember, when you are going through hell, keep moving until you get out.

Good luck!


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