# New to dating....



## moving_on (Jul 27, 2012)

I have been separated for several months and now I have met a man who has touched my heart. But I am naive to the ways of dating and men. I am concerned that I may have discouraged him. We have shared a couple of casual dinners and lots of good conversation. How can I let him know that I am interested? I am a basically shy and socially awkward person. I am 50 years old, I was married for over 20 years to a very self-centered man. 

I only see this man a few days a month due to his job. About 10-16 days a month and would want to take advantage of the next opportunity that I see him. 

Any advice from anyone out there? Guys or gals?


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## occasionallybaffled (Apr 12, 2012)

How long have you been seeing him? If it's been any length of time, I'm sure he knows you are interested... 10-16 days is more than a few. That's anywhere from 1/2 the month to 1/3 of the month.


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## moving_on (Jul 27, 2012)

We have only seen each other a few times outside of work. I want to call him but I am afraid. I sense he has closed himself off some....and wonder if I did something to discourage him without meaning to. How can I undo it and not look like a fool?


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## occasionallybaffled (Apr 12, 2012)

Does he know your separation situation? He may think he was intruding since you aren't divorced. Or he may think you aren't available, as well.


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## moving_on (Jul 27, 2012)

That is what I mean....could I have sent him the wrong message? We have talked at length about my marital situation so he does know that I am separated and will soon be divorced. I feel like I am in jr high again.... I could call him...or go over to his place....but I am so nervous...lol


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## occasionallybaffled (Apr 12, 2012)

Have you only talked or have you gone on dates (lunch, activites etc)? How long has it been since separation? He may not want to be a rebound. Just an idea. 

Did it seem like everything was good...? (Conversing all the time/playful banter).


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## moving_on (Jul 27, 2012)

Yes we have been on a couple of casual dates to dinner. Legal separation has been since late March but actual separation has been since September. We got along really well, talked and laughed. Kidded around with each other. But now it is as if he is avoiding me.... We did share a couple of kisses but I wouldn't let it go farther than that.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

You're a woman. You know what to do. Undo that top button. Laugh at his jokes. Flip your hair. It's not hard. He'll get it.


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## moving_on (Jul 27, 2012)

LOL You are probably right except I am soooo out of practice. I never was good at flirting anyways. I am hoping to see him at the job tomorrow. I have an earlier shift than usual so that might pose a problem...but I will try and let you know what happens. Hope I don't chicken out or make a fool of myself.  LOL


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## Battle_Cats (Jun 28, 2012)

Can't help you other than to say as a man I also sometimes have a hard time moving a relationship into the next phase. Can you just be direct and accept if you don't get the answer you want?


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## kindi (Apr 28, 2012)

I'm almost 50, I've been in and out of relationships and dating for the past 6 years or so post divorce.

I've gotten a bit gun shy and if a woman comes on too strong and starts talking about feelings, and doing anything that strikes me as clingy needy to the point that she acts like she can't be without me, I shut down as a matter of course, and I know that lots of guys do this. Especially those who have been through their share of failed relationships.

Go easy.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Reach out to him. Tell him you want to meet up for lunch/dinner. 

Then while there, FLIRT. You say you're not good at flirting BUT I think that when people have chemistry, it comes naturally.

If he doesn't respond to your request for dinner, then move on. 

If he does, put on some perfume, a cute top and lippy and smile. Ooh la la


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> Reach out to him. Tell him you want to meet up for lunch/dinner.
> 
> Then while there, FLIRT. You say you're not good at flirting BUT I think that when people have chemistry, it comes naturally.
> 
> ...


^^^ This. And just be yourself. I would just simply call, make some small talk at first, and then just see if he wants to meet up for a drink...........which may lead to him asking about dinner! 

Keep it light and easy. You'll know one way or the other when you call him for that drink!  You really have nothing to lose. 

Good luck! (pushes you the phone..................make the call!)


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

When you say you wouldn't let it go farther it makes me think he tried to make a move and you rebuffed him. If I were single and that happened I probably wouldn't call again either. The ball is in your court now. life is too short to keep coming back for more rejection.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Agree with Working. That's why you should call him. It sounds like maybe you rejected him or set off the vibe that you're not totally ready for anything w/ him which may be why he pulled back.

Call him! Ask him out.

And for chrissake's, don't talk about your ex the entire time.


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> And for chrissake's, don't talk about your ex the entire time.


Don't talk about him anymore. The new guy knows your situation already, so no need to keep bringing up the ex.

Let us know what he says after you call him!


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