# Act of kindness



## texasoutlaw82 (Dec 27, 2013)

Today, as I've rehashed scenarios, I thought about an instance when about 5 weeks ago I sprung flowers on my girlfriend. She called me once she received the flowers. The first comment that came from her mouth really irked me.

"What did you go and do?" - She said her coworkers told her that I either did something I shouldnt have done or I did something wrong.

Now, normally I would brush this off. This time, I was highly irritated because here I was trying to reconnect with her by sending her flowers(something I've only done 3 other times). I then explained to her that I didn't appreciate that remark. I did tell her I'd have been ok with the remark had it followed a simple thank you.

Am I crazy to think I want to be acknowledged for an act like this prior to a comment made like the one above? It really just pissed me off to no end that I took the time, energy and money to do something nice only to be met with a response of that nature.

Has this phenomenon happened to anyone else? What came of it?


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## stupidman (Jul 24, 2014)

lol, I have to kind of agree with you. I bought my wife flowers last week and it turned out the next night I had to entertain a colleague that was in town and when I told my wife she said "oh, is that why you bought me flowers"? I really did just buy her flowers the day before because I wanted to. Now it is like the act is nullified in her head by the dinner the following night. You really can't win.


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## texasoutlaw82 (Dec 27, 2013)

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot?

Somehow its a justification and its ok? I thought to myself...that's the last damn time I'll buy flowers! To think that she is chalking it up to some f'up on my part and hiding behind a sarcastic comment influenced by coworkers.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening all
OUCH! that is really mean of her.

I recently sent flowers to my wife's hotel room when she was on a trip out of town. She thought it was really sweet. 

If I get home and she is wearing lingerie and has make me something I really like for dinner, I certainly don't act suspicious. 

You do need to be careful not to ever use flowers as an apology - otherwise you can't use them as a romantic gift.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

But isn't that pretty stereotypical though? We see it ll the time on tv...the buffoon of a man does something incredibly stupid and usually insensitive and buys flowers for "no reason" and hilarity ensues as the idiot mans transgressions are discovered. Women are inundated with that, and many think that's how it really is.


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## texasoutlaw82 (Dec 27, 2013)

Evening Richard. Wise words to remember. Though these flowers weren't used as an apology. It was a simple gesture that was followed up with that crude comment. The older I get the more I care about the little things in life.


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## texasoutlaw82 (Dec 27, 2013)

samyeagar said:


> But isn't that pretty stereotypical though? We see it ll the time on tv...the buffoon of a man does something incredibly stupid and usually insensitive and buys flowers for "no reason" and hilarity ensues as the idiot mans transgressions are discovered. Women are inundated with that, and many think that's how it really is.


I agree. The comment left a very foul taste in my mouth. I can think of another instance when I cleaned the dishes one night. Immediately following the last dish, she grabbed 1 dish out of the sink and proceeded to clean it again. That really chapped my ass. Off the soap box now.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

One thing I have found with my wife, and she has had to work on it a bit...it's not so much that she doesn't appreciate those things, because she really does, very much so, but her mind does not work in the way mine does, she doesn't think about the little things like that very often, doing little random things, random gifts...she just doesn't think about them, and it makes her feel bad when I do them. Really, it's not that big of a deal with us because in the Five Love Languages, we are both VERY high in quality time and physical touch, and very low in acts of service and gifts.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

What's with the rehashing of these scenarios in your mind? You said normally you would _brush it off_ ....is that part of the issue?

My mother always felt this way when my dad gave her flowers. Sometimes it was an apology. I remember her telling me, 'Well he can shove those up his arse' and throwing them away. 

When my husband first gave me flowers, she said 'What did he do wrong?' I told her nothing, he's being romantic. She laughed, said she was joking and referenced my father before agreeing the flowers were lovely.

I lurrrrrve flowers. Never received them as way of an apology. He bought me a small bunch this past weekend, just because. 




texasoutlaw82 said:


> Whiskey Tango Foxtrot?


I'm stealing this.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

The difference in two scenarios here, one worked well and the other didn't is this. 

If you want to give your wife flowers, find out first if she really does like them. Some do. Some don't.

Secondly, the difference is that you sent them to her place of work and the ladies there teased her about them. It embarrassed her. 

Women can be very mean to each other. Remember, sometimes they are in competition with each other. I remember someone telling me that women don't dress for men, but for other women. In other words, they want to look better than some other woman. I bet that is true in many cases.

So, the one that worked out well was the one where the flowers were sent to her private room where she could enjoy them without the taunting and smart mouthed remarks from others.


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## texasoutlaw82 (Dec 27, 2013)

heartsbeating said:


> What's with the rehashing of these scenarios in your mind? You said normally you would _brush it off_ ....is that part of the issue?
> 
> My mother always felt this way when my dad gave her flowers. Sometimes it was an apology. I remember her telling me, 'Well he can shove those up his arse' and throwing them away.
> 
> ...


I'm rehashing scenarios because her and I haven't spoken in over a week now. This is a typical situation after a fight that ends badly. The last message I received from her, via text, ended with, "Don't bother calling me back...I don't care." This was after I told her she didn't have to be mean to her sister. (This is the cliff notes version)

This isn't the first time this has occured. When it does occur, I start replaying all the events that occured prior to this moment to see if I made some mistake along the way that I didn't see initially. When I think of these instances, it frustrates me that she just can't see it as an act of kindness or love.

I have never given flowers as an apology. I own my mistakes and f'ups. This is more or less a vent and an inquiry into the minds of other men in this instance. I'll gladly take a woman's POV, too. 

Now, when I say I'd normally brush it off...what I mean is I'd normally come back with a smart ass remark as well. In most instances, we're doing really well. Lately, we haven't done well at all. I was reaching out to her in a way I don't normally do so and I received that response.


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## texasoutlaw82 (Dec 27, 2013)

2ntnuf said:


> Secondly, the difference is that you sent them to her place of work and the ladies there teased her about them. *It embarrassed her.*
> 
> _Interesting take. I never considered that and I do not think she did either. I never thought to ask, either._
> 
> ...


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

texasoutlaw82 said:


> Today, as I've rehashed scenarios, I thought about an instance when about 5 weeks ago I sprung flowers on my girlfriend. She called me once she received the flowers. The first comment that came from her mouth really irked me.
> 
> "What did you go and do?" - She said her coworkers told her that I either did something I shouldnt have done or I did something wrong.
> 
> ...


Sending your wife flowers is not an act of kindness, it's an act of love if it was done just out of the blue because you love her.

Acts of kindness is something we do for someone like a stranger or a friend that is something that is beyond the norm.

I'm not nick picking. It's important to understand this distinction.

So your wife got the flowers at work and was teased. Then she asked if it was for an apology. Well we see that all the time in movies, on TV, advertisements where they tell guys to buy flowers as a apology. Since it's something that you have rarely done I'm sure it had her wondering why now?

You can chose how you respond.

Right now you are choosing anger and to never give her flowers again.

Or you could chose to make this a moment to define future interactions and gift giving in your marriage. You could tease her about thinking that an apology would be the only reason you'd give her flowers. And you could use it as an opportunity to tell her why you gave them to her .... "I was just thinking how much I love you!" Make it romantic.

If you let something as simple as her not being a mind reader put such a huge wedge in your marriage, your marriage is doomed.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

^ ooh you're good.

Well said.


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## texasoutlaw82 (Dec 27, 2013)

EleGirl said:


> Sending your wife flowers is not an act of kindness, it's an act of love if it was done just out of the blue because you love her.
> 
> :iagree:
> 
> ...


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

texasoutlaw82 said:


> Believe me, I am the last person that will assume that position. I simplify and elementarize things as much as possible so that the message is delivered and that the intended recipient of that message understands what I am trying to communicate.
> 
> I do appreciate your input.


You completely missed my point. You are upset that you wife did not know that you sent her flowers as an expression of love. Getting flowers is not automatically an expression of love. So how was your wife supposed to know why you sent them, an action basically out of character for you?

You are upset because she is not a mind reader and did not know why you sent the flowers. So yes, in this instance you expected her to be a mind reader.


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## texasoutlaw82 (Dec 27, 2013)

EleGirl said:


> You completely missed my point. You are upset that you wife did not know that you sent her flowers as an expression of love. Getting flowers is not automatically an expression of love. So how was your wife supposed to know why you sent them, an action basically out of character for you?
> 
> You are upset because she is not a mind reader and did not know why you sent the flowers. So yes, in this instance you expected her to be a mind reader.


I'm not sure how this conclusion was reached. I was not upset that she did not know why I sent her flowers. I was upset at her initial reaction, the question, "What did you go and do??preceeded the 'thank you'. I thought I was clear in my first post that it was that comment that bothered me. It has nothing to do with mind reading abilities.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

texasoutlaw82 said:


> I'm not sure how this conclusion was reached. I was not upset that she did not know why I sent her flowers. I was upset at her initial reaction, the question, "What did you go and do??preceeded the 'thank you'. I thought I was clear in my first post that it was that comment that bothered me. It has nothing to do with mind reading abilities.


So you do not mind that she was unsure why you sent her the flowers.

What upsets you is the words she used to ask you why?


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## Shoto1984 (Apr 11, 2009)

Maybe I assume to much but if I'm married and I sent flowers out of the blue in my mind the only thing they could be saying is "I Love You". I know men send flowers on TV and in movies as some kind of apology but what kind of lame apology is that? If she screws up and an apology is owed I don't want flowers or a bottle of cologne. I want a discussion and to hear the four steps. I digress....
In hearing the OP's story, the part that concerns me is the people at his wife's workplace. Sounds like a negative influence for sure.


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## ne9907 (Jul 17, 2013)

texasoutlaw82 said:


> Whiskey Tango Foxtrot?
> .


:rofl:
I am totally going to steal this as well!!!

I love getting flowers. Well, I have not gotten any flowers in a long time. BUT I LOVE THEM!!!

I would have simply said thank you and give you a wonderful massage with a happy ending at home!


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

texasoutlaw82 said:


> Today, as I've rehashed scenarios, I thought about an instance when about 5 weeks ago I sprung flowers on my girlfriend. She called me once she received the flowers. The first comment that came from her mouth really irked me.
> 
> "What did you go and do?" - She said her coworkers told her that I either did something I shouldnt have done or I did something wrong.
> 
> ...


I have sent flowers to my x wife several times a year and also to my current GF. I have never had them react that way. Alway got a resounding thank you each and every time.

So other times when you sent flowers was it for an apology? If not then I'm with you and would want to know why the assumption was that you did something wrong.


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## texasoutlaw82 (Dec 27, 2013)

EleGirl said:


> So you do not mind that she was unsure why you sent her the flowers.
> 
> What upsets you is the words she used to ask you why?



I don't know that she was unsure. I think she was influenced by one of her co-workers and when she called me that was the first thing that came from her mouth because I could hear the sarcastic tone behind the question. She did thank me but it was after the fact. 

It sounds trivial, but yes. We've been having problems lately and like I said before I try rehashing the events that lead up to the latest blow out to see if there is something I missed or potentially missed. A person mentioned that maybe she was teased and a comment was made that I did something wrong by her coworker. I never even considered that maybe she does not want gifts like this where there are multiple people around.


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## texasoutlaw82 (Dec 27, 2013)

Wolf1974 said:


> I have sent flowers to my x wife several times a year and also to my current GF. I have never had them react that way. Alway got a resounding thank you each and every time.
> 
> So other times when you sent flowers was it for an apology? If not then I'm with you and would want to know why the assumption was that you did something wrong.


No. I've never sent her anything, flowers or the like, as an apology.


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## texasoutlaw82 (Dec 27, 2013)

ne9907 said:


> :rofl:
> I am totally going to steal this as well!!!
> 
> I love getting flowers. Well, I have not gotten any flowers in a long time. BUT I LOVE THEM!!!
> ...


Steal away. 

She could have made a sarcastic remark and I'd have played right along with it. I just wanted a simple acknowledgment and appreciation before diving into the sarcasm. 



Not directed just at you, but the point here is that I rethink instances where lines may have been crossed/blurred without recognition at that moment. I try to rehash these situations to see if it was something that upset her. In doing so, I try to see missed opportunity. Nothing more and nothing less.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

texasoutlaw82 said:


> Today, as I've rehashed scenarios, I thought about an instance when about 5 weeks ago I sprung flowers on my girlfriend. She called me once she received the flowers. The first comment that came from her mouth really irked me.
> 
> "What did you go and do?" - She said her coworkers told her that I either did something I shouldnt have done or I did something wrong.
> 
> ...



Haven't read the entire thread , but I've seen and heard of this type of thing in relationships.

I think it all depends on the dynamics of your relationship, as there are always different sides to every story we see here.

Maybe it might be a good time to do a litter overhauling in the relationship where you both decide what you want you future relationship to look like.


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## texasoutlaw82 (Dec 27, 2013)

Caribbean Man said:


> Haven't read the entire thread , but I've seen and heard of this type of thing in relationships.
> 
> I think it all depends on the dynamics of your relationship, as there are always different sides to every story we see here.
> 
> Maybe it might be a good time to do a litter overhauling in the relationship where you both decide what you want you future relationship to look like.


Agreed. We had that type of 'bond' where we could pass silly remarks like that and not think twice of it.


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## I Notice The Details (Sep 15, 2012)

I thought the same way Elegirl did. You simply should say...."I bought you flowers because I was thinking about you all day". Be positive and light hearted. Don't overthink it. Smile. Don't let her initial comment and reaction change your sincere actions.

Then, send her some more flowers when she least expects it. Maybe put a note in with the flowers that says you can't wait to kiss her again....keep it light and fun.

PS: I have never given flowers as an apology...but only as a gift of love. My wife cherishes receiving them.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

texasoutlaw82 said:


> I don't know that she was unsure. I think she was influenced by one of her co-workers and when she called me that was the first thing that came from her mouth because I could hear the sarcastic tone behind the question. She did thank me but it was after the fact.
> 
> It sounds trivial, but yes. *We've been having problems lately and like I said before I try rehashing the events that lead up to the latest blow out to see if there is something I missed or potentially missed.* A person mentioned that maybe she was teased and a comment was made that I did something wrong by her coworker. I never even considered that maybe she does not want gifts like this where there are multiple people around.


Here is what I am thinking... as Shoto1984 mentioned in his post.. he'd rather have a *discussion* over *gifts* if something is happening in his relationship.. I would feel the same..

Your GF is feeling suspicious because something is OFF in the relationship.. Oh I do think it was sweet that you sent these flowers, it's a gesture that you CARE and still love her, and I would hope she would apologize for her initial reaction (which it clearly sounds these co-workers jesting her helped plant in her mind).. but still the Uneasiness of what is happening between you -is why she ran with it....

What is your GF's primary love language and what is yours?...Here are the 5 










>>  The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts 

Test here >>







 Love Languages Personal Profile 









For instance, my H has NEVER sent me flowers in 33 yrs.. and I'm good with that.. I don't care about gifts much at all, at the very bottom of my list.. I've even told him "do not waste your money" ...even suggesting I'd he happier if he picked some wildflowers in the back yard, he'd probably get a bigger .... I'm a little weird.. 

But if we had issues, he knows ME well enough...I'd need his presence, his willingness to sit down and talk it out (his time).. and his touch for reassurance..this is what speaks to me, as I am a Time and toucher -in how I feel loved.. 

Maybe your GF is similar.. something to figure out.. I hope you can get past this, even with the flared emotions, this is a pretty small thing in the scheme of things... just unfortunate it played out this way...but it can be overcome with some heart-felt communication... ... she jumped to quickly to "assume" without giving you the benefit of the doubt (that stung!).... which tumbled the whole situation...


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

There really are men out there in the real world - not just on television or in commercials - who send surprise flowers/gifts as bribes to "get out of trouble". I was married to one. He would always send a dozen+ long-stemmed red roses as a sort of pre-emptive strike to butter me up when he thought I might be upset by something. It was so I then "couldn't" be as angry about whatever thoughtless or selfish thing was going on. And, of course, if I were upset over his behavior he could act all butt-hurt. After all, only an ungrateful b!tch would be angry with a man who'd just spent that much money to surprise her with long-stem roses at work. Even better, he got to complain to his friends that his wife never appreciated his romantic gestures and that nothing was ever good enough for her. It was a manipulation, wrapped up in a covert contract, tied inside a mindfvck. 

OP, if you're not one to use flowers as an emotional bribe, then it may simply be that your wife was embarrassed. Or, perhaps, her comment was meant as a teasing remark that happened to fall flat. But do be aware that, for whatever reason, something about you surprising her with flowers at work did not convey the message you wanted to send - even if you thought it "should". Perhaps it's time to ask your wife directly, but calmly and in a spirit of open communication, how she felt about the gesture and why.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

SimplyAmorous said:


> Here is what I am thinking... as Shoto1984 mentioned in his post.. he'd rather have a *discussion* over *gifts* if something is happening in his relationship.. I would feel the same..
> 
> Your GF is feeling suspicious because something is OFF in the relationship.. Oh I do think it was sweet that you sent these flowers, it's a gesture that you CARE and still love her, and I would hope she would apologize for her initial reaction (which it clearly sounds these co-workers jesting her helped plant in her mind).. but still the Uneasiness of what is happening between you -is why she ran with it....
> 
> ...


Just like my wife...you even quoted her in there about not wasting the money  I have brought home flowers a few times, and yes they were for her, but the reason wasn't so much for her, as it was that I know she likes the house looking just so, and likes certain types of decorations and such, and the flowers fit with that, so that was my motivation, not as a standalone show of love...if that makes any sense.

I have also never in my life given a gift as an apology...I guess I have seen too many movies where the abusive husband brings flowers or jewelry the next day after beating the sh1t out of his wife the night before that it has just become something creepy for me. Funny thing is, but not funny, is my wife's abusive ex husband was just like that...beat her up, give her a gift, and all is well again in his world...

I do think I understand what was bothering the OP about this though...the wife's initial reaction was one of skepticism and suspicion and not one of gratitude...that her mind went down the negative path FIRST, why she thought the worst of him before she considered the best of him...possibly a deeper issue that needs explored...


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

texasoutlaw82 said:


> No. I've never sent her anything, flowers or the like, as an apology.


Hmm


Then where did she learn this from? 
X boyfriend maybe?

Dunno I'm curious by nature and always want to know the why but maybe she was just being silly and it came off wrong. Not sure this is a hill worth dying on but think you handled it well saying you didn't appreciate the comment. Maybe follow it up with comments like that makes you not want to send flowers......guessing that will correct it in short order.


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## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

Why not just be kind without expecting anything in return? Next time she asks "What did you do?!" Just tell her "I bought you flowers.". Then hang up.


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## Faeleaf (Jul 22, 2014)

I think you are *both right*...which is good. Finding out how both parties are right is the surest way to end an argument or resolve difficulties.

On your end, you were hurt when you tried to make a loving gesture to your sweetie, and she responded in an accusatory manner. Very few people would quibble with your reaction. It was normal to be hurt by this.

On her end, please understand that if she hasn't received flowers a lot as a loving gesture, she is looking for the meaning behind it. And the one frequently shown on TV, ads, movies etc (and apparently her co-workers) is that *the man did something wrong, and is trying to apologize*. If she accepts this (which, if she has little experience with flowers meaning love, can you see how she assumes flowers mean sorry?), it is understandable that her first reaction is, _hold on, what is he sorry FOR_?

This is just a simple matter of mis-communication. Your actions were trying to communicate love. She "heard" sorry. So while both of you were right, you were neither of you exactly wrong, either. Sometimes (well, a lot of times actually), in a loving relationship we are hurt, even though neither party had any intention of being hurtful. 

The best way to clear this up would be to tell her you understand why she reacted as she did, and that you don't blame her, because you understand how our media peppers us with the message that if a guy gives you flowers, it's because he has something to apologize for. Then, explain how you were instead trying to communicate love, and that if you do anything of the kind again, that she should know it means love.


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## Jetranger (May 31, 2013)

I see that ad every day. There's another in the same campaign which says something about there's X number of jewellers in Yorkville to help you say you're sorry.

Quite nicely parodied in the GTA series: (warning: bad language)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IF3TrQFC8AU

I don't know what's worse, the 'hilarious' stereotype that a romantic gesture is only an apology, or that you have to buy forgiveness. Will Eisner did a book about city life, and one story (it was all comics) had a man walking home from work, smelling perfume and feeling happy about seeing his wife soon, so buys a big bouquet of flowers. He hasn't even hung up his coat as she yells "Spill it, George. What did you do this time?"

OP, have you told her the remark hurt your feelings?


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## ocotillo (Oct 17, 2011)

texasoutlaw82 said:


> She said her coworkers told her that I either did something I shouldnt have done or I did something wrong.


It sounds like a case of either jealous or toxic "Friends" to me. I wouldn't be too hard on your girlfriend over this. The joy of the moment was spoiled for her too.

Use it as an opportunity to educate and immunize her against this sort of nastiness in the future.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good afternoon all
When I send my wife flowers at work (a few times a year) her co-workers just tell her what a nice husband she has (I think she enjoys making them slightly jealous too....)

I guess I've been careful to never give "apology" gifts.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

I think a bouquet of fresh flowers are a sure way to get into a woman's heart and bring a smile on her face , every time.

So personally I have felt it best not to have my wife identify flowers with apologies for wrongdoing on my behalf.

Whenever I mess up and want to say sorry, I just say it and mean it. The " apology gift" is usually something much more permanent.

I prefer to keep her associating my gift of flowers with something spontaneous and positive.

But purchasing flowers for your woman is a must for every husband.
Fresh ones that you picked and arranged , says a whole lot more.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Well, I would buy my second wife flowers once in a while. I just thought it was nice to do. They weren't expensive. I just bought a small bunch. 

She told me one day that she pretty much didn't appreciate them as much as I thought. They were a waste of money and they didn't last long enough. 

So, I quit buying them. I think she regretted saying that. I wasn't angry over it. I was sad that what I did was not appreciated. I had no idea what to get her just to put a smile on her face an let her know I was thinking about her. 

It's too bad, really.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

2ntnuf said:


> Well, I would buy my second wife flowers once in a while. I just thought it was nice to do. They weren't expensive. I just bought a small bunch.
> 
> She told me one day that she pretty much didn't appreciate them as much as I thought. They were a waste of money and they didn't last long enough.
> 
> ...


Of all the things in the world to buy for someone buying a woman flowers is one I like least. So if I do it had better be appreciated or I would do as you did and just stop


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Wolf1974 said:


> Of all the things in the world to buy for someone buying a woman flowers is one I like least. So if I do it had better be appreciated or I would do as you did and just stop


I then found she liked a certain type of chocolate bar. I got that for her on occasion. I guess I bought it too often, cause she mentioned something about that. I was at a loss for what to do. I just wanted to do nice little things. 

Something tells me she knew what she wanted and it had nothing to do with what I was doing. I just wonder why she didn't tell me after seeing me try for so long.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Wolf1974 said:


> Of all the things in the world to buy for someone buying a woman flowers is one I like least. So if I do it had better be appreciated or I would do as you did and just stop


I'm curious as a cat about this... why do you like it the least?


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## Cleigh (Dec 5, 2013)

This is why my partner stopped buying me flowers  I loved it but my mum was always like "what have you done to be sucking up and buying flowers?" Thanks mum. Now I get no flowers


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## texasoutlaw82 (Dec 27, 2013)

Wolf1974 said:


> Hmm
> 
> 
> Then where did she learn this from?
> ...


I don't know that this behavior is learned. I believe it had more to do with her "friends/coworkers" putting it in her ear. She just simply relayed the message.


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## texasoutlaw82 (Dec 27, 2013)

Shoto1984 said:


> *
> In hearing the OP's story, the part that concerns me is the people at his wife's workplace. Sounds like a negative influence for sure.
> *


This sticks out the most from that post. I think there are a few variables playing into the outcome. I can't say I'm surprised what the media portrays these days. I am not a 'tv' person. I tend to be naive to all the bullsh!t that's being sold.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Wolf1974 said:


> Hmm
> 
> 
> Then where did she learn this from?
> ...


I agree with expressing that you didn't appreciate the comment and understanding where it came from. I disagree about the follow up comment though as it has the potential to just keep her defences up. I'd suggest more along the lines of _I like getting you flowers to express that I dig you (or however you crazy kids speak) - do you like receiving them?_

Flowers to me are a celebration, they are a thoughtful gesture that can fill the house with wonderful aroma and feel positive and loving. It feels caring that he's thought of me. My husband will randomly give me flowers. Sometimes it will be a bouquet, sometimes bunches for me to arrange myself as I love doing this. 

Where I once worked, one of the guys in his 40's, bought his wife flowers every Friday. I used to like seeing which flowers he'd chosen and thought it was lovely that he did this. On my last day at that office, the Friday, he came in with three bouquets of flowers. One for his wife - her Friday bouquet, one for me - for my last day and to wish me the best, and one for my colleague. I always remember this. It was lovely and unexpected for me to receive the flowers. My colleague, who I worked closely with in the role, commented that he didn't need to buy her flowers as she wasn't leaving but she loved being included too. What a class act. I remember her and I sat beaming together in the office with our flowers.

But, flowers aren't for everyone. Communicate... and not just about the flowers. Best wishes!


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## texasoutlaw82 (Dec 27, 2013)

Faeleaf said:


> I think you are *both right*...which is good. Finding out how both parties are right is the surest way to end an argument or resolve difficulties.
> 
> On your end, you were hurt when you tried to make a loving gesture to your sweetie, and she responded in an accusatory manner. Very few people would quibble with your reaction. It was normal to be hurt by this.
> 
> ...


It's hearing this other point of view that I appreciate. This is what helps me see if there was missed opportunity.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Caribbean Man said:


> But purchasing flowers for your woman is a must for every husband.


I'll advocate flowers until the cows come home but I disagree. One friend doesn't like the idea of cut flowers or receiving them. Give her a potted-plant instead and that's what she is about. Each to their own.


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## texasoutlaw82 (Dec 27, 2013)

Jetranger said:


> I see that ad every day. There's another in the same campaign which says something about there's X number of jewellers in Yorkville to help you say you're sorry.
> 
> Quite nicely parodied in the GTA series: (warning: bad language)
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IF3TrQFC8AU
> ...


It's pretty sad that this sh!t is peddled. I told her that I'd much rather she said thank you prior to passing that comment. Normally, in an instance like this, I'd play along and say something stupid back at her due to the relationship we shared. I say normally because we've been way off base lately. Now over 1 week has passed and we haven't had any communication. Hearing "don't call me... I don't care." shut me down real fast. I tried contacting her one more time that day and I've left it alone since. That is another can of worms.


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