# Unreal! CNN Article: How affairs make my marriage stronger



## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

I feel very sorry for this lady and her husband....

How affairs make my marriage stronger 

They are BOTH cheating....:scratchhead:


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## Bridge (Dec 27, 2013)

> I'm certain our don't-ask-don't-tell rule is what has allowed our marriage to last as long as it has... ...We got married seven years ago


Truly a love of the ages! This is a weird article. If you read it she admits she wants to stop and she doesn't sound into the lifestyle. Maybe somebody else gave it the clickbait title.


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## NeverMore (Feb 24, 2013)

Yeah, it's ridiculous, plain and simple.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Truthseeker1..... You are a trouble maker..... Keep up the good work!!!:smthumbup:


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## Hurtin_Still (Oct 3, 2011)

....clearly products of the infamous "me generation"

....the b!tch & b&stard deserve one another.


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## russell28 (Apr 17, 2013)

How sweet you can turn lying and cheating and sneaking into something that's healthy and good. Honesty and communication become bad for a relationship, and being deceitful and dishonest is the new norm. I'm sad that this poor person is raising children, and will someday pass on the skills of justifications and excuse making. They can also become horrible people, that tell everyone how they're not horrible, even though actions say otherwise. This poor kid has two idiot parents, not just one. The fog is thick with this one.


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## russell28 (Apr 17, 2013)

_" I quickly got into a relationship with a former co-worker. It wasn't great -- I really would have rather been at home with my son"_

Yea, you probably should have been home with your son.. 



_"I'm not sure what will happen as our sons get older -- or, for that matter, what will happen as we get older. For now, our personal decisions *don't affect our sons' lives*"_

Yea, you can't affect his life if you're not there.. Perhaps one of the affair partners can affect his life. Hopefully they'll grow up to have nice secret lives with partners they cheat on and that cheat on them so they can be just like mommy and daddy.



_
"I think that understanding is part of the bedrock of our bond."_

You think huh? Pretty sure that's it? Sounds like quite a bond.. you and the boyfriend in the booth and your husband with his playmate of the evening each in different locations, while your kid is at home wondering what mommy and daddy look like. How romantic.


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## Lovemytruck (Jul 3, 2012)

Makes me wonder what is the point of her marriage. Money? It surprises me how often women/men wh0re themselves out for cash. It is often under the banner of being married. People are strange creatures.


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## russell28 (Apr 17, 2013)

Lovemytruck said:


> Makes me wonder what is the point of her marriage. Money? It surprises me how often women/men wh0re themselves out for cash. It is often under the banner of being married. People are strange creatures.


She's raising a family! Being a good mom.. and a loving wife (and girlfriend).. she has it all! Husband, boyfriends, kids.. 

It'll all be awesome until her husband finds out she's been cheating on him, and finds out she's a bigger idiot than he is, thinking he knew and didn't care.. then he'll blame his cheating on her, she can blame her cheating on him, and it'll all be good.


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## Squeakr (May 1, 2013)

russell28 said:


> She's raising a family! Being a good mom.. and a loving wife (and girlfriend).. she has it all! Husband, boyfriends, kids..
> 
> It'll all be awesome until her husband finds out she's been cheating on him, and finds out she's a bigger idiot than he is, thinking he knew and didn't care.. then he'll blame his cheating on her, she can blame her cheating on him, and it'll all be good.


In the article though they were both cheating on each other, so there is no finding out, they already know, just aren't open and transparent about it.

I wonder what happens later in life when the jealousy sets in, as she is older and less attractive and desirable but he has "aged well" and is a hot commodity among all ages and gets more than she does?? She seems to be fine with it as long as she is getting her fill, but when that stops then what. Will she call for a different dynamic in the marriage and force him into it as she is more like dried up old shoe leather that no one wants to be with??


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## hopefulgirl (Feb 12, 2013)

She's only had ONE abnormal pap since embarking on this "lifestyle," which for her started shortly after the birth of her first child (if this story is actually true - it could all be a crock, for all we know, since "names were changed"). The retest came back normal. Wasn't that a relief for both her and her husband. So, being practical folks (?!?), they made a rule that they'll always have "safe" sex when they're with other people. 

Except for the fact that there's no such thing. Even condoms don't protect against HPV. So won't she be surprised if she has another abnormal pap.


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## bestwife (May 10, 2014)

Ridiculous story!


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## Lovemytruck (Jul 3, 2012)

russell28 said:


> She's raising a family! Being a good mom.. and a loving wife (and girlfriend).. she has it all! Husband, boyfriends, kids..
> 
> It'll all be awesome until her husband finds out she's been cheating on him, and finds out she's a bigger idiot than he is, thinking he knew and didn't care.. then he'll blame his cheating on her, she can blame her cheating on him, and it'll all be good.


Yeah, I read about it. She is in an open marriage from what I gathered.

I am not sure why being married is important to anyone if they are openly having sex with others. Image? Money? Insurance?

Cheating involves deception. Maybe she is cheating/deceiving herself out of a solid relationship with a decent man. Not sure if the husband is a decent man, but she will probably never have a great husband because she undermines relationships.

Understanding cheaters is difficult when we are wired to be honest.

The article shows how stupid people can be, and still feel good about what they are doing.


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## Forest (Mar 29, 2014)

They may have money, but are effed up people. Their boys will be the same way, and hurt lots of better people.


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

ConanHub said:


> Truthseeker1..... You are a trouble maker..... Keep up the good work!!!:smthumbup:


:lol: That actually made me laugh out loud...I just thought this was an interesting article...a case where they are both cheating and know it but don't want to know it...sounds insane...we need to bring these two to TAM


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

Must be one slow news day at CNN.

That's CNN, *C*razy *N*itwit *N*umbskulls.


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## xakulax (Feb 9, 2014)

You see its type of logic is the reason why marriage rates going down 


On a side note if both parties are cheating and are semi aware does that make it an open marriage :scratchhead:


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

xakulax said:


> You see its type of logic is the reason why marriage rates going down
> 
> 
> On a side note if both parties are cheating and are semi aware does that make it an open marriage :scratchhead:


The wife seems to be doing something that makes her uncomfortable on some level. I think deep down she knows this is wrong and ultimately unworkable.


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

Truthseeker1 said:


> The wife seems to be doing something that makes her uncomfortable on some level. I think deep down she knows this is wrong and ultimately unworkable.


And yet...


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

thatbpguy said:


> And yet...


Agreed that is what makes the article so odd...she does not seem comfortable with it but keeps on doing it...


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## Philat (Sep 12, 2013)

Truthseeker1 said:


> Agreed that is what makes the article so odd...she does not seem comfortable with it but keeps on doing it...


Her therapist told her that "confessing" publicly will make her feel better about herself. So she can keep going.


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## Stevenj (Mar 26, 2014)

The article says: "I haven't said "I love you" to anyone else since I met my husband, and I do sometimes wonder how my husband feels toward the women he meets." 

I guess this must make it OK. Get some other guy to poke you with his winkie and its justified just as long as you don't say I love you.


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## xakulax (Feb 9, 2014)

Stevenj said:


> The article says: "I haven't said "I love you" to anyone else since I met my husband, and I do sometimes wonder how my husband feels toward the women he meets."
> 
> *I guess this must make it OK. Get some other guy to poke you with his winkie and its justified just as long as you don't say I love you*.



Well at least she has good boundaries :rofl:


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I'm not sure why this nonsense is unbelievable. Some people think that open marriages, swinging, etc. add spice to a relationship. Nothing new about that.

It's just not something I'm interested in.


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## Hurtin_Still (Oct 3, 2011)

Stevenj said:


> The article says: "I haven't said "I love you" to anyone else since I met my husband, and I do sometimes wonder how my husband feels toward the women he meets."
> 
> I guess this must make it OK. Get some other guy to poke you with his winkie and its justified just as long as you don't say I love you.


.....maybe she's just 'bending' the truth ....and 

.....perhaps she hasn't told another guy "I Love You" 

.....because her mouth is always full?


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

She's damaged...in the head.


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

Hurtin_Still said:


> .....maybe she's just 'bending' the truth ....and
> 
> *.....perhaps she hasn't told another guy "I Love You"
> 
> .....because her mouth is always full?*


Gold!


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## Dyokemm (Apr 24, 2013)

Just a variation of an open M.

Some people can live that lifestyle, and if they are open and honest with each other about the 'rules', and discuss any difficulties (as this couple seems to do), then I surely won't judge....as far as THEIR own relationship goes.

The thing is, she is actively cheating with men who almost assuredly DO NOT have an open M understanding with their wives.

This makes her as scummy as any POS who has helped to destroy any of the M's in these threads.

If she had said that she would only have her side fun with single men or those she KNEW to be swingers or in open M's, I would not judge her or her H at all.

Many have asked, why be married then, or what's the point?

I would guess its the same as other people...I don't think having an open M means it is impossible for a couple to really love each other.

In addition, it is common sense that making it financially in the world today, especially with children, is far easier with two incomes.

It would be interesting to know if her H truly views their arrangement the same, however.


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## Omego (Apr 17, 2013)

Wow. I usually try to avoid judging but in this case:

What a ridiculous, pathetic, cynical approach to a marriage. Yes, let's have our cake and eat it too. Is it a marriage or is it not? She clearly stated that it was not an open marriage.

I can predict how this will end: she'll get older and less desirable, and he'll fall in love with one of his APs and that will be the end of it. The kids will grow up completely dysfunctional. They can already sense the disconnect, I'm sure.

I have a real problem with this kind of nonsense. H and I have this intense, chemical, passionate relationship. We're also the kind of people who attract members of the opposite pretty easily and we're both HD. And so what? We literally have no desire to be with anyone else because we love each other and only want to be with each other and that is why we got married.

How hard is it? And on top of it the couple in the article is too cowardly admit they are in an open marriage, which is a completely different story. And they brought children into this messed up situation. I hope it's a fake story.


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## HarryDoyle (Jan 19, 2013)

Ha! If you would have cut and pasted this "article" as a new poster I would have screamed "TROLL!!!!". In fact I still wouldn't count it out. It wouldn't be the first time a magazine (Redbook) has been fooled like that. At the very least that's a troll bait title. I saw no evidence this made their marriage better. How would she freaking know, she's never been in a "real" marriage.


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## RWB (Feb 6, 2010)

Damn, the TROLLS got called up to the Show. I guess CWI is AAA farm team where they work on their Delivery.


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## love=pain (Nov 26, 2012)

Had to throw something in

Get ready this is the state of marriage in the future, sure you will always have the traditional couples like so many of us grew up with or knowing but their numbers are shrinking and soon those type of marriages will be in the mid west, south and the central regions where tradition still is important.

But in the big cities and on the coasts this type of relationship is what you will see. People just can't be happy with what they have or at the first sign of any difficulty they are gone, more and more people just are not built to handle personal relationships. Everything is my needs, why am I not happy and who can I blame for it.
Instead of working on a relationship they go for the easy which is exactly what this couple is doing getting their "instant gratification" from someone else instead of figuring it out in their marriage.

The girl is right what will happen in a few years when one or the other is not as successful at finding side action or is finally ready to be a husband or wife and the other isn't. Neither one of these people will know what to do with each other when times finally get rough.

I say all this just past 2 years in reconciling with my wife who cheated on me more than once(didn't know about any of it until dday the new or the old infidelity) so my marriage isn't the best but at least we have learned to deal with some hard times before this latest stuff not sure how it would go if we were like these people.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Just read the article, and I actually feel kind of bad for the author. Here's my take...

Regardless of what she _thinks_ she's saying, their affairs are doing anything _but_ making their marriage stronger, at least according to her own words. She's clearly riddled w/ guilt and insecurity.

Either way, I wouldn't term what they're doing as cheating, per se, as they're both aware of it, even if they don't clearly discuss their activities. She says that they don't have an open marriage but rather an "opaque" marriage, since they're not sharing details w/ each other, and that's probably a fair assessment. Either way, it's their marriage, and they seem to be OK w/ the arrangement. 

As for how long she can live w/ her insecurities... Who knows? If having sex w/ others is an absolute necessity for them, they'd probably be better off in a completely open marriage.

Honestly it sounds to me like she met and dated her husband, and although she knew he had a wandering eye, she didn't want to lose him, so she adjusted her view of what is and isn't acceptable within a "committed" relationship, and then just went w/ it.

The only sort of nagging question remaining for me is w/ respect to how the guy can ever truly know whether or not his kids are actually his kids.

Actually, I'll add one more thing to the list... If the people w/ whom they are "cheating" are themselves married and cheating on their spouses... Well, that's just not nice.


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## sirdano (Dec 30, 2011)

I can always sum up liberals with these few words and a company slogan

" Just do it"


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## SweetSandy (Jun 8, 2014)

I had to make a new account when I saw this. I'm one of those who can honestly say that the affair made our marriage stronger. I was here and had I listened to the advice I received on this forum at the time (to get a divorce and move on), I wouldn't have had the wonderful marriage that I have now, the wonderful kids we were blessed with, and all the good things a second chance had to offer. 

Some people on this forum are so jaded, I don't know if it's their personal experiences or what, but it often seems as if they wish the same ill life inflicted on them onto others. 

Please people, affairs are not the end of the road. It DID make my marriage stronger, it was hard work but I'm glad I stuck it through.


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## Squeakr (May 1, 2013)

SweetSandy said:


> I had to make a new account when I saw this. I'm one of those who can honestly say that the affair made our marriage stronger. I was here and had I listened to the advice I received on this forum at the time (to get a divorce and move on), I wouldn't have had the wonderful marriage that I have now, the wonderful kids we were blessed with, and all the good things a second chance had to offer.
> 
> Some people on this forum are so jaded, I don't know if it's their personal experiences or what, but it often seems as if they wish the same ill life inflicted on them onto others.
> 
> Please people, affairs are not the end of the road. It DID make my marriage stronger, it was hard work but I'm glad I stuck it through.


Sorry but I disagree. Had you have put the same effort and hard work into the M prior to having an A it could have been just as good without the A so don't think it was that which made it good.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Hi Sandy, thanks for sharing. And welcome back!

Much of the advice given here, while often a bit harsh, is aimed chiefly at either helping betrayed spouses recover from the crippling emotional trauma of an affair (and whether or not they choose to stay in their marriages) or at pulling wayward spouses out of "the fog" for at least long enough to make decisions regarding the future of their marriages -- decisions based on sound reasoning... and not made while under the influence of highly-addictive teenager-esque "puppy love" PEA drugs.

We don't always pull punches or sit around a big TAM bonfire roasting marshmallows and singing "Kumbaya", and we don't pretend that every marriage impacted by infidelity can be saved. And, for those that can, we don't fool ourselves or anyone else into thinking that wallowing in self-pity or simply being nice, patient, and supportive will somehow piece together the crumbled remnants of a broken marriage.

Take what applies and leave the rest. Either way, we're not selling cotton candy, rainbows, or unicorns here -- just reality.

Again, thanks for sharing, and welcome back.

And get ready to slip on your fiberglass overalls. 

P.S. Happy to hear that your marriage and family are in such a great place!


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Squeakr said:


> Sorry but I disagree. Had you have put the same effort and hard work into the M prior to having an A it could have been just as good without the A so don't think it was that which made it good.


Not reading anything in her post that would suggest that it was she who had the affair...


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## Squeakr (May 1, 2013)

GusPolinski said:


> Not reading anything in her post that would suggest that it was she who had the affair...


So true. I read it one way and guess I should have worded it pre A instead of having the A.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Squeakr said:


> So true. I read it one way and guess I should have worded it pre A instead of having the A.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Well then it would have just looked like you were blaming the BS for the affair.


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## HarryDoyle (Jan 19, 2013)

SweetSandy said:


> I had to make a new account when I saw this. I'm one of those who can honestly say that the affair made our marriage stronger. I was here and had I listened to the advice I received on this forum at the time (to get a divorce and move on), I wouldn't have had the wonderful marriage that I have now, the wonderful kids we were blessed with, and all the good things a second chance had to offer.
> 
> Some people on this forum are so jaded, I don't know if it's their personal experiences or what, but it often seems as if they wish the same ill life inflicted on them onto others.
> 
> Please people, affairs are not the end of the road. It DID make my marriage stronger, it was hard work but I'm glad I stuck it through.


First of all, my wife had an affair and my marraige IS now stronger. 
BUT.......I would not want to do this again!! AND I would probably NOT do it over again if I had the chance. (My hair went totally grey since D-Day) There are better ways to do things. You are correct when you say that an affair doesn't have to be the end of the road, people can and do survive an affair, I am proof. I just suggest they take a different road to begin with.

*Second, READ (or reread) the article that started this thread.* It has absolutely nothing to do with having an affair and coming out better, nothing. It suggests in some perverted way that you SHOULD have affairs to make your marriage better. And that is just wrong! But I have read more than one article that suggests that you can save your marriage by having an affair, that's not the way to do it. The end does NOT justify the means.


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## Rugs (Apr 12, 2013)

I reads like an open marriage to me, and not a happy one. 

There's fighting and jealousy and no time spent together as a family. What's strong about that? 

Poor kid or kids.. Whateverrrrr.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Rugs said:


> I reads like an open marriage to me, and not a happy one.
> 
> There's fighting and jealousy and no time spent together as a family. What's strong about that?
> 
> Poor kid or kids.. Whateverrrrr.


I know. It's pathetic. The only notion to which either of them is truly committed is that they can each maintain a personal carousel of f*ck buddies waiting at the ready to jump in the sack.


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

SweetSandy said:


> I had to make a new account when I saw this. I'm one of those who can honestly say that the affair made our marriage stronger. I was here and had I listened to the advice I received on this forum at the time (to get a divorce and move on), I wouldn't have had the wonderful marriage that I have now, the wonderful kids we were blessed with, and all the good things a second chance had to offer.
> 
> Some people on this forum are so jaded, I don't know if it's their personal experiences or what, but it often seems as if they wish the same ill life inflicted on them onto others.
> 
> Please people, affairs are not the end of the road. It DID make my marriage stronger, it was hard work but I'm glad I stuck it through.


Keep posting, Sandy. Getting the truth requires open discussion.

I agree with Love=Pain. Marriage is an institution in transition. The energy that goes into TAM is evidence of how uncomfortable we feel with the the dissonance. Marriage is the bond of a lifetime but 50 percent don't make it. Two thirds of those who push for divorce are women. So, the expensive weddings do not buy a tight insurance policy.

Can an affair help a marriage? Sure, but not the average unhappy marriage. The affair more likely will push it over the edge. 

The popular idea of an affair helping is that a couple have some problem in their relationship. It could be something as simple as boredom. The affair makes one spouse happy so they can stick out the marriage instead seeking divorce. Possible. But wouldn't fixing the marital relationship be a better investment of time and emotion?


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Of course, she could just be assuming her husband is cheating like she is. If he isn't and he finds out she's a serial cheater, boy, will she be in for an unpleasant surprise!


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

MattMatt said:


> Of course, she could just be assuming her husband is cheating like she is. If he isn't and he finds out she's a serial cheater, boy, will she be in for an unpleasant surprise!


Again, I didn't read anything in her post to indicate that it was she who cheated; to me it reads as if it was her husband who cheated.

_Posted via *Topify* using iPhone/iPad_


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

GusPolinski said:


> Again, I didn't read anything in her post to indicate that it was she who cheated; to me it reads as if it was her husband who cheated.
> 
> _Posted via *Topify* using iPhone/iPad_


She admits to having had a whole series of lovers, but 'thinks' her husband is having them, too.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

MattMatt said:


> She admits to having had a whole series of lovers, but 'thinks' her husband is having them, too.


Are you referring to the article or to SweetSandy?


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

SweetSandy said:


> I had to make a new account when I saw this. I'm one of those who can honestly say that the affair made our marriage stronger. I was here and had I listened to the advice I received on this forum at the time (to get a divorce and move on), I wouldn't have had the wonderful marriage that I have now, the wonderful kids we were blessed with, and all the good things a second chance had to offer.
> 
> Some people on this forum are so jaded, I don't know if it's their personal experiences or what, but it often seems as if they wish the same ill life inflicted on them onto others.
> 
> Please people, affairs are not the end of the road. It DID make my marriage stronger, it was hard work but I'm glad I stuck it through.


It sounds as if you endorse the idea.

I am truly pleased your marriage survived and you feel it is really strong, but I feel very safe in saying that if anyone out there wants to make your marriage better, please please please do not betray your spouse thinking that is your answer. Please don't!


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

GusPolinski said:


> Are you referring to the article or to SweetSandy?


I was commenting on the article. Sorry for any confusion.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

thatbpguy said:


> It sounds as if you endorse the idea.
> 
> I am truly pleased your marriage survived and you feel it is really strong, but I feel very safe in saying that if anyone out there wants to make your marriage better, please please please do not betray your spouse thinking that is your answer. Please don't!


I think she is endorsing how she handled her situation. Why? Because it worked for her?


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