# Signs to call it Quits



## Adam801 (Apr 21, 2013)

While reading these little articles that tell you when to call it quits in a relationship. I always feel very depressed when reading them. Here is one I'll use as an example

*1. You’re Only Staying Because Of Religion
*Right on. I think religion both pressures me and give me some strength to stick it out.

*2. Your Needs Aren’t Being Met*
When considering Maslow's hierarchy of needs, yep love, safety self-esteem all missing or very low.

*3. You’ve Lost Respect For Your Partner*
I do respecter her. She doesn't have any ambitions or goals so I wouldn't say I look up to her.
*
4. Your Partner’s Behavior Is Difficult Or Dangerous*
No problems with this one.

*5. You No Longer Feel Sexually Attracted*
Sadly this one is true. Physical apperance does play a small roll, I'm a guy. I'd say other things like a poor sex life and lack of confidence, flirting etc. contribute moe to this.

*6. You Have A Hard Time Forgiving*
Maybe. Nothing big or bad has happen like cheating. I'd say maybe she cheats on me with the kids or lack of making herself available to me. 

*7. You No Longer Have Fun Together*
We have little in common. So yeah this is a problem.

*8. Long Term Goals No Longer Match*
She doesn't have any long term goals.

So I read these things and I literally feel sick. I feel like I've made a huge mistake in who I've married. The fist 10 years were, I'd say normal. Up and down. No real problems. The last 4 years I've just felt worse. 

I am selfish. I'll be honest. I want to be happy. I want more than she can/has provided. 

*Why I'm still in the relationship:*
I think I can be happy. We have 3 kids. I believe our marriage is eternal, and I thing even if a majority of our marriage here on earth suck, it will be better in the afterlife.

Advice? Am I just letting myself be overly influenced with negative suggestions by reading articles such as this? I think if put my mind to it I can turn myself around and be positive and move forward, but should I? Abuse aside, Is there a point where I should brake it off and move on?

*Other info:*
Married 14 years, 3 kids. We did weekly marriage counseling for a year. While things did get better while we went, it ended with him saying "Foe some people counseling wont' help"


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## SamuraiJack (May 30, 2014)

9. She leaves man eating sharks in your hot tub.

10. she disconnects the brakes on your car.


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## Hello_Im_Maddie (May 8, 2014)

11-You're only staying because you are too dependent on them financially.


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## Kolors (Sep 27, 2013)

12. She has pictures of you with a goat.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

I would reduce that list to just one. 1. You'd rather be alone the rest of your life than live with your partner.


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## Mr.Fisty (Nov 4, 2014)

Could it be that your programming as a youth is wrong. Your finding that a marriage has to be more than a vow. It is about finding a mate that compliments you as a person, and helps you grow as an individual. Have you tried changing your perception what a marriage should be. Because a miserable you is not a healthy you. Even for your kids to turn out better and have a good chance in life, they need good role models to emulate. Your programming them the same way you were. They may accept that misery is the norm.


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## Happilymarried25 (Mar 19, 2014)

"She doesn't have any ambitions or goals so I wouldn't say I look up to her" Being a Mom is the most important and difficult job anyone will have. Taking care of 3 children takes a lot of ambition. You need to respect her for that alone. You don't seem to have anything positive to say about your wife. Are you perfect? I bet your wife could make a list of your faults too. You sound like a negative person.

You need to think about the positive things about your marriage and make the best of it until at least your children are out of the house. You didn't mention any infidelity or abuse so it would be best for the family to stay and quit complaining and be happy with what you have. Talk to her about what needs are being met by her and she needs to tell you what needs you aren't meeting for her. Do you help out with the children, cleaning and cooking? If not you should as the less time she is spending time doing this the more time she could be spending with you.


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## commonsenseisn't (Aug 13, 2014)

I feel an underrated sign to leave is if your partner is fundamentally dishonest. There may not be any problems in the present, but eventually a dishonest partner will ruin your life. 

I believe dishonesty is one of the key roots of enabling many of the ills within marriage, such as adultery, etc.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

commonsenseisn't said:


> I feel an underrated sign to leave is if your partner is fundamentally dishonest. There may not be any problems in the present, but eventually a dishonest partner will ruin your life.
> 
> I believe dishonesty is one of the key roots of enabling many of the ills within marriage, such as adultery, etc.


Dishonestly, adultery, overspending, deliberately withholding sex, laziness, are all manifestations of the same root problem - selfishness. Marriage is about commitment and sacrifice and selfishness just has no place in one.


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## commonsenseisn't (Aug 13, 2014)

unbelievable said:


> Dishonestly, adultery, overspending, deliberately withholding sex, laziness, are all manifestations of the same root problem - selfishness. Marriage is about commitment and sacrifice and selfishness just has no place in one.


QFT

Such a true and simple concept, but so difficult for so many.


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

Adam, you're marriage is vulnerable but not broken. Read his needs/her needs and have her read it but make sure she knows the marriage is actually at stake if things don't change if that's true. Actually tell her that even if you don't think it is. You are primed and vulnerable to giving up. Once your resentment and disappointment leans toward flat out indifference then it's close to curtains time.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

Adam801 said:


> *Why I'm still in the relationship:*
> I think I can be happy. We have 3 kids. I believe our marriage is eternal, and I thing even if a majority of our marriage here on earth suck, it will be better in the afterlife.
> 
> Advice?


My belief system is similar to yours re. Marriage being eternal. What I don't understand is why you think misery here will be restored to bliss there. That I don't believe. In other words, if death and Resurrection will solve all your problems, Then why not get to it?

I'm leaning much more towards fixing the problems here. Even if it means breaking the bond and starting over.

MN


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