# Help



## 123456789 (Jun 20, 2014)

Long story short my husband worked out of town and got a HOOKER! When he came back I new something was wrong and asked many times what happen out of town his reply nothing. A year passes to the date, He was drinking I asked again he finally told me the truth that he paid for sex. I feel like he wants to hurt me not only did he take steps to get a hooker, the lie he is been living for a year! This came out in may almost a month ago. I felt for a couple of days he asked me to come back like a lost soul I did. He is acting like nothing ever happen. I went to the dr. and got tested the test came back with herpes. How do I deal with this. He still hasnt gone to the dr. I feel like he should be doing more. Every day there is a constant reminder of this I cant function. I cant leave the house. How can he just live life while I slowly die inside. We have been together for 13 years with 4 kids. Any advice would be great


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Do you want to work through this with him? What do YOU feel he should be doing differently? Does he still work out of town?

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

Sorry for what has happened. Betrayal stinks. He is doing what we call, "rugsweeping". Don't allow him to do this. 

1. You already got tested for STD's, sorry it came back positive. Keep in mind that you will need to be tested more times in the next year or so. Some things don't show up right away. Make sure you get the whole panel.

2. Talk to an attorney. You don't not need to decide on divorse or reconsiliation at this time, but you do want to get all the information you can about divorse, alimony, support etc.

3. Many of us have been here and right now you are on an emotional roller coaster.

4. YOu will need to decide whether to expose this to family or not.

5. He is not showing remorse.


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

Did he just admit to it after a few drinks? Was he remorseful? What explanation did he give you as to why he felt the need to purchase sex?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

He paid for sex, gave you herpes and acts like nothing is wrong?

I suggest a separationg for 60-90 days to let this all sink in and cool off. Decide if you want to live with this or not. If not, then head for a divorce.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Thorburn said:


> Talk to an attorney. You don't not need to decide on divorse or reconsiliation at this time, but you do want to get all the information you can about divorse, alimony, support etc.


123, _please *Please* *PLEASE*_ do this.



thatbpguy said:


> He paid for sex, gave you herpes and acts like nothing is wrong?
> 
> I suggest a separationg for 60-90 days to let this all sink in and cool off. Decide if you want to live with this or not. If not, then head for a divorce.


Good advice.

Honestly, though, _he gave you an STD_. That he had sex outside of the marriage is one thing, that the paid for the sex is another, and that he passed along an STD to you is yet another. I'd divorce over any one of these offenses, and the combination of the three would only get me to a divorce lawyer's office that much more quickly.


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## 123456789 (Jun 20, 2014)

Yes I do want to work this out. Its like hes giving me the cold shoulder. When he talks to me its all about him never asks how my day was. No he doesnt work out of town anymore


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## kirdalt (Jun 13, 2014)

I'm so sorry your going through this. I had a similar experience like that and my H did the same thing first denied that he gave me anything and then tried to act like it wasn't a big deal, although mine wasnt herpes, but please do go back to your ob doc and get retested, in 6 months or whatever your doctor has recomended HPV showed in my 2nd std test the 1st came back clean, From my personal experience I can tell you I was dissapointed over and over with responses I got from my WH so what you need to do first is and this is just my opinion from my experience is give your self time to let it sink in BC right now I would guess your in shock about all that is happening hell for me the 1st 6 months felt like a bad dream that I couldn't wake up from and then getting the 2nd test results and a few other shocks is when it finally set in and that's a whole new challenge find a good therapist that helped too. Just know that the way you feel is normal and you are not alone


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## 123456789 (Jun 20, 2014)

He thinks I should be over this and that Im thinking to much. He told me he was lonely well guess what I was to but didnt buy or seek someone else. I think tonight Im going to leave. When I brought up today I was having a hard time dealing with all this everything was my fault. SELFISH!!!!


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## Rugs (Apr 12, 2013)

You say you can't leave with 4 kids. Why would you have to leave. 

See a lawyer and find out your options. There are plenty of negotiations that can be made as to income, health insurance,.....living arangements..... Don't live for your lifestyle.

How old are your children?

Do you work?

Do you have family support?

Have you exposed your husband's infidelity to your family or his family?

None of it's good and Herpes would be the kicker for me. 

That's what everyone here gets so pi$$ed about. Your husband put YOUR well being AND your CHILDREN's well being aside for his gratification. Please don't rug sweep this or he will do it again. 

Talk to friends and family and get some support. Tell his family too so they can shame him for being a complete a$$.

No, you don't have to live life miserable for ever. 

Fvcking idiot husband.


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## 123456789 (Jun 20, 2014)

GusPolinski said:


> 123, _please *Please* *PLEASE*_ do this.
> 
> 
> 
> ...





Rugs said:


> You say you can't leave with 4 kids. Why would you have to leave.
> 
> See a lawyer and find out your options. There are plenty of negotiations that can be made as to income, health insurance,.....living arangements..... Don't live for your lifestyle.
> 
> ...


I dont want my children to see him in the way I do right now or ever. My kids are 23 21 and 2 are 19. There all out of the house, but we are all very close. I work my butt off in a hot factory. I havent told anyone in my family in fear of what would happen.


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## sidney2718 (Nov 2, 2013)

Rugs said:


> You say you can't leave with 4 kids. Why would you have to leave.
> 
> See a lawyer and find out your options. There are plenty of negotiations that can be made as to income, health insurance,.....living arangements..... Don't live for your lifestyle.
> 
> ...


I just hope she's not having sex with her H.


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## long_done (Jun 5, 2014)

Good God I am so sorry to read this. Some husbands are the worst selfish pieces of crap ever. 

It hurts a lot, but you take care of yourself and your kids first. Then see if this lying piece of crap has ever done anything else before. Usually one doesn't just hire a prostitute for one time and done. I would imagine there is a pattern somewhere. I know some friends who just couldn't stop doing it... it's like a drug, once they are addicted they can't stop doing it.


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## looking for clarity (Aug 12, 2013)

In my cynical experience, I have to ask how do you know this is a one time occurrence? Mine would only admit to what I found abd there was a lot he was hiding that he never told me about. Did he tell why he got a hooker . Did he tell you how he will make sure it doesn't happen again.

Why do you want to stay with him?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Pattiroxxi (May 3, 2014)

Divorce him, i am sick of people making things more complicated than they are. Adultery like this should not be tolerated. You got herpes, what more do you want? AIDS?


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

Since he's not treating this as a threat to your marriage then let him know how serious it is. 

1. Take control of your finances. He is responsible for your children's welfare as well as yours. 

2. See a lawyer immediately to secure your rights and to know your responsibilities

3. If you want your marriage to be more than a paper-marriage then tell him he needs to leave the house for the next 3 months minimum

During that time he is to ensure that you and your kids are looked after. 

He is to undertake counseling (he should check with his employer to see if they pay/provide such). 

He is to visit the kids regularly but not expect to be fed or to have his laundry etc done you. 

At the end of that time you can speak to his counselor and see where he stands. 

Unless you do these things or enact similar actions you may as well resign yourself to have him do as he pleases. Don't accept crumbs while he feasts on cake.


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## Riley_Z (Jan 29, 2014)

Get an STD Test.


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## looking for clarity (Aug 12, 2013)

I am divorcing mine. They often feel entitled to their behavior. Do you want to spend the rest of your life as a police woman?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

123456789 said:


> Long story short my husband worked out of town and got a HOOKER! When he came back I new something was wrong and asked many times what happen out of town his reply nothing. A year passes to the date, He was drinking I asked again he finally told me the truth that he paid for sex. I feel like he wants to hurt me not only did he take steps to get a hooker, the lie he is been living for a year! This came out in may almost a month ago. I felt for a couple of days he asked me to come back like a lost soul I did. He is acting like nothing ever happen. I went to the dr. and got tested the test came back with herpes. How do I deal with this. He still hasnt gone to the dr. I feel like he should be doing more. Every day there is a constant reminder of this I cant function. I cant leave the house. How can he just live life while I slowly die inside. We have been together for 13 years with 4 kids. Any advice would be great


How do you know your husband got herpes from a hooker? He might have given you that story because his long term affair partner told him: "I think I have given you herpes."

Sadly, you can no longer trust what your husband tells you, at this time.

A lie detector session -if you can afford this- might help.

Monitor his emails and phone use, if you can.


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## Stevenj (Mar 26, 2014)

long_done said:


> Good God I am so sorry to read this. Some husbands are the worst selfish pieces of crap ever.
> 
> It hurts a lot, but you take care of yourself and your kids first. Then see if this lying piece of crap has ever done anything else before. Usually one doesn't just hire a prostitute for one time and done. I would imagine there is a pattern somewhere. I know some friends who just couldn't stop doing it... it's like a drug, once they are addicted they can't stop doing it.


This is sexist. Wives can be that way too.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

Stevenj said:


> This is sexist. Wives can be that way too.


From what I've seen adultrous wives are usually just plain evil and vindictive. Its a skill they hone on other girls through out HS.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## OptimisticPessimist (Jul 26, 2010)

Herpes? That fvcing pr1ck! WHY do you even want to be with such a sh!tbag?! He could have at least told you about the hooker before sleeping with you. And at the very least if nothing else been accommodating once you found out you had herpes. That is FOR LIFE. HE did that to you.

Divorce. Do not pass go, do not collect $200. And your kids? I would demand that he told them what he did or inform him you will tell them yourself. They deserve to know the truth about why the relationship is ending.


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## whatslovegottodowithit? (Jan 6, 2013)

OptimisticPessimist said:


> Herpes? That fvcing pr1ck! WHY do you even want to be with such a sh!tbag?! He could have at least told you about the hooker before sleeping with you. And at the very least if nothing else been accommodating once you found out you had herpes. That is FOR LIFE. HE did that to you.
> 
> Divorce. Do not pass go, do not collect $200. And your kids? I would demand that he told them what he did or inform him you will tell them yourself. They deserve to know the truth about why the relationship is ending.


I'll go one further...demand he doesn't kiss your children until he gets tested for any oral STD's, and if he doesn't comply, tell him you'll file assault charges (seeing as he willingly gave you herpes) against him for what he did to you AND if the children get a STD from contact with Dad, you will file charges against him on their behalf and will do EVERYTHING to keep them from him such as child services, supervised visits, etc...since he is aware of his carrier status and won't take steps to protect his children.

Time to show you're serious, if not for you, then for your children's protection. You made a bad choice in your H, that's on you. But please, don't let your bad choice in a H harm your children!


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## OptimisticPessimist (Jul 26, 2010)

whatslovegottodowithit? said:


> I'll go one further...demand he doesn't kiss your children until he gets tested for any oral STD's, and if he doesn't comply, tell him you'll file assault charges (seeing as he willingly gave you herpes) against him for what he did to you AND if the children get a STD from contact with Dad, you will file charges against him on their behalf and will do EVERYTHING to keep them from him such as child services, supervised visits, etc...since he is aware of his carrier status and won't take steps to protect his children.
> 
> Time to show you're serious, if not for you, then for your children's protection. You made a bad choice in your H, that's on you. But please, don't let your bad choice in a H harm your children!


A big +1 to this post...

And if he tries to play it off, you yell right in his face "you gave me herpes you selfish fvck! Dont even dare lecture me, rugsweep my plight, or downplay the significance of this. Its over, pack your things and get out!"

**EDIT** I recommend telling him this in a place where others are around. I would leave inflammatory language out if alone since he may get physical with you. Hes already proven he doesnt care about your health and has no respect for you. Be careful.


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## m0nk (Mar 14, 2014)

OptimisticPessimist said:


> Herpes? That fvcing pr1ck! WHY do you even want to be with such a sh!tbag?! He could have at least told you about the hooker before sleeping with you. And at the very least if nothing else been accommodating once you found out you had herpes. That is FOR LIFE. HE did that to you.
> 
> Divorce. Do not pass go, do not collect $200. And your kids? I would demand that he told them what he did or inform him you will tell them yourself. They deserve to know the truth about why the relationship is ending.


+1


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Herpes Type I or Type II?

This is very important to distinguish, because upwards of 90% of the adult population ALREADY has Herpes Type I antibodies from childhood.

If he gave you Type II Herpes (genital) from an encounter with a hooker, you would have VERY likely noticed the horrific initial outbreak, either in yourself or him. It's very unlikely your initial infection would have gone unnoticed and that you would have only found out after a doctor's exam.

Just trying to clarify.


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## poida (Jan 17, 2014)

Do you mind if I ask if there where there problems in the relationship before that? Was there any sign of sexual dis-satisfaction before that?

I'm not saying it excuses any of what he did, but if there were problems that you were both aware of, and if you wanted to try to save the marriage, it would at least provide a basis for R.

If as far as you knew everything was all good up to that point, then I agree. D. The lying and deception is possibly worse than actually having sex with a prostitute in my opinion. And herpes, I'm so sorry to hear about this.

You know, some POS came on the radio the other day saying that he shouldn't be judged because he found out he had aids, had sex with his partner and didn't tell (him in this case). Seriously!!!! What has this world come to. I say string these types of people up like the old days. Makes me mad.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

poida said:


> Do you mind if I ask if there where there problems in the relationship before that? Was there any sign of sexual dis-satisfaction before that?
> 
> I'm not saying it excuses any of what he did, but if there were problems that you were both aware of, and if you wanted to try to save the marriage, it would at least provide a basis for R.
> 
> ...


Oh, he should be "judged" alright. Something like a life sentence would do nicely.

Or, better yet, a quick trip to the gallows.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Riley_Z said:


> Get an STD Test.


I guess you did not really read her post. She did get an STD test. She has no tested positive to herpes.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I have no advice/input right now 'cause y'all covered it.

When the OP posts again I'll see if I can add anything of value.


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