# what is your opinion on this topic?



## faithfulwife85 (Jul 4, 2011)

Do you think it's ok to fantasize about another if you are married? Is it ok for the man or woman as long as they do not act on it?
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## ClipClop (Apr 28, 2011)

I think controlling where you allow your mind to wander is a mark of discipline. There are so many temptations and sexual lures. As a man thinketh. Garbage in, garbage out.

Does it happen? Yes. Letting fleeting thoughts of this nature pass without lingering is best for marriage.

Imo.
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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

I agree with ClipClop.

Anything you allow in to your marriage outside of your spouse - whether it's as subtle as a fantasy, or as conspicuous as another person - has the potential to create a wedge between you and your spouse in the marital bed. If I fantasize, I make sure that my spouse is the other person in the fantasy. 

"_First we form habits, then they form us. Conquer your bad habits or they will conquer you_." ~ Rob Gilbert


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## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

:iagree: with clip clop.

When you spend your time fantasizing about others, you are not strengthening the sexual bond not increasing the sexual desire for your partner. 

The more time you spend sharing fantasies with your partner and being sexual with them the better your bond will be and the better your sex life will be.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Enchantment said:


> I agree with ClipClop.
> 
> Anything you allow in to your marriage outside of your spouse - whether it's as subtle as a fantasy, or as conspicuous as another person - has the potential to create a wedge between you and your spouse in the marital bed. If I fantasize, I make sure that my spouse is the other person in the fantasy.
> 
> "_First we form habits, then they form us. Conquer your bad habits or they will conquer you_." ~ Rob Gilbert


This is the issue. 

It might be one thing to have fleeting thoughts of another. No big deal. But if they begin to recur and grwo this is big trouble.

I am a firm believer in affirmations. This was something Lou Tice taught years ago. It was called New Age Thinking.

Essentially it was all about programming your behavior. Ummm. Be the ball stuff. Well if you fantasize enough you will prgraom yourself to take very small incremental steps to make it a reality. It is programmatic.

So fantasizing about a woman one works with is dangerous business. It will likely end up badly ....


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## ClipClop (Apr 28, 2011)

Thought precedes action. Being conscious of your thought gives the opportunity to choose appropriate action. Thinking everything is in.innocent is current no guilt psychology but it denies choice. Thoughts come and go. Dwelling is a choice and a step toward infidelity.
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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Like tooth decay...you do your best to avoid it but it's a little unreasonable to believe you can defeat it entirely.


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## ClipClop (Apr 28, 2011)

You will have thoughts. Tooth decay is when you choose. The operative word to dwell. Candy, lust, blood. Feed on it and you are more likely to end up with tooth or other decay.

Choice. Why we are human and not driven solely by animal desires.
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## ClipClop (Apr 28, 2011)

BTW. I fight myself on this a lot. I am HD. He is Ld.

It isn't a man vs woman thing. I need to protect my marriage ny protecting my thoughts.

I love my husband. I LOVE him. My directed thoughts are one of the ways I love him. Love is what you do. Including what you choose to think about. Thinking is a verb. Love is a verb.
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## meson (May 19, 2011)

Syrum said:


> :iagree: with clip clop.
> 
> When you spend your time fantasizing about others, you are not strengthening the sexual bond not increasing the sexual desire for your partner.
> 
> The more time you spend sharing fantasies with your partner and being sexual with them the better your bond will be and the better your sex life will be.


:iagree::iagree:

Fantasizing about other actually builds neural connections that will compete with your spouses connections. In addition climaxing with those fantasies will release oxytocin which will also tend to undo the neural connections of your spouse in favor of those you are climaxing to which leads you to bond with them instead. The neuralchemistry is not in your favor here and thats why what the others are saying is true.

What Syrum says is the way out becuase it is reinforcing the appropriate bonds with your spouse but in an exciting and different way.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Syrum said:


> :iagree: with clip clop.
> 
> When you spend your time fantasizing about others, you are not strengthening the sexual bond not increasing the sexual desire for your partner.
> 
> The more time you spend sharing fantasies with your partner and being sexual with them the better your bond will be and the better your sex life will be.


:iagree::iagree:

Ok, so here is some TMI.

People can make fun of me all they want. I am not saying I have never had a fantasy here or there of another. It happens. BUT, I honestly fantasize about my wife and I together pretty much all of the time. I visualize what I want to be doing with my wife. 

I confess I do this this as part of actively trying to stay in love with her. I always love her, but being in love with her is really pretty great.


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## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

Entropy3000 said:


> :iagree::iagree:
> 
> Ok, so here is some TMI.
> 
> ...


That is super awesome, and I believe that is what most people should be doing.

I want to stay IN LOVE with my fiance and want him to stay IN LOVE with me.

I can only do my part in that, try and be a good wife, keep my sexual thoughts to him and our sex life. Try and ensure our sexual connection stays good as well as the emotional etc...


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