# A little help needed.



## amiafool1987 (4 mo ago)

Hello, 

I am looking for some advice and help.

My wife and I seperated at the start of this year. Everything was moving along as it should naturally and I started to see someone after I healed. 

My seperated wife has now been in contact asking if we can have a chat to see if there is anything we can do to save our marriage. We do have kids together so I have to take that into consideration.

The other person I have started seeing has only been on the scene a couple of months.

I have come to a crossroad in my life and now have no idea what to do.

Anyone else been in the situation, if so what did you do and how did you handle it.

Thanks in advance

A


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## Vorpal (Feb 23, 2020)

Is there really anything to be done to “save” the marriage? Sit down with a writing pad and make a truthful cold hard pro and con list. Your answer will become clear sans emotion.


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## amiafool1987 (4 mo ago)

Vorpal said:


> Is there really anything to be done to “save” the marriage? Sit down with a writing pad and make a truthful cold hard pro and con list. Your answer will become clear sans emotion.


we were together along time, we both did things in the marriage which hurt the other partner, not sure how I feel right now, i still feel numb, i have gotten over her leaving, hence why i started seeing someone, not sure if that is going anywhere as its early days.

Im not sure how I feel or is that a normal response?


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## Vorpal (Feb 23, 2020)

Actually writing it with pen and paper will focus your mind. it’s an old management tactic.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Need more details. What these “things we did to hurt one another”???
Which if you cheated, or both?


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## 342693 (Mar 2, 2020)

So your wife left. Why? More details would really help.

This is why people shouldn’t date while separated. Most states require a year separation before you can divorce not just to give time to work out financial and child custody issues, but to also allowing a cooling off period for possible reconciliation.


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## Laurentium (May 21, 2017)

amiafool1987 said:


> not sure how I feel right now, i still feel numb, i have gotten over her leaving,


Those seem like three contradictory statements. 



> i have gotten over her leaving


Do you know why she left, and if so, can you tell us?

Only because there are children involved, I would lean on the side of trying to see if it can be fixed. 

You will both need to be absolutely honest about how you behaved and why. A good marriage counsellor can help.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

Is the fact that you’re seeing someone else one of the reasons that your wife wants to attempt reconciliation?


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Thats why its crazy to start dating while you are still married.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

amiafool1987 said:


> _*I have come to a crossroad in my life and now have no idea what to do.
> *_



This is so trite but it doesn't make it any *less* true - it's called a 'break up' because it's broken. Just because you're separated doesn't make what CAUSED the separation to magically go away.

I suspect your wife's sudden 'interest' is due to having gotten wind of your new romance.

Don't get back together "for the kids." The martyr routine is overdone and hair shirts are hard to find. Just having kids isn't enough reason to get back together.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

My guess is whatever your wife had going on didn’t work out so she’s back to Plan B (you).


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

Come on dude. I’ll assume for the sake of argument that you started down this divorce path because you came to the conclusion that it was the best thing.

So stop flip-flopping. Going backwards is never a good idea, especially after 9 months and you've already healed! No!


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## Rayr44 (6 mo ago)

amiafool1987 said:


> Hello,
> 
> I am looking for some advice and help.
> 
> ...


Depends on who wanted the separation? Was it you or her?


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## amiafool1987 (4 mo ago)

Rayr44 said:


> Depends on who wanted the separation? Was it you or her?


My wife wanted the seperation, she said she didnt feel loved and didnt have any independence (which is not the case as I was at work most of the time)


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## amiafool1987 (4 mo ago)

Evinrude58 said:


> Need more details. What these “things we did to hurt one another”???
> Which if you cheated, or both?


Nobody cheated the ex felt unloved and she felt that she had no independence after we moved away


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## amiafool1987 (4 mo ago)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> This is so trite but it doesn't make it any *less* true - it's called a 'break up' because it's broken. Just because you're separated doesn't make what CAUSED the separation to magically go away.
> 
> I suspect your wife's sudden 'interest' is due to having gotten wind of your new romance.
> 
> Don't get back together "for the kids." The martyr routine is overdone and hair shirts are hard to find. Just having kids isn't enough reason to get back together.


Im not doing anything for the sake of our kids, they are almost adults themselves, so this is what is making this decision so hard. I just dont know what to do.


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## amiafool1987 (4 mo ago)

We both had a face to face meeting yesterday in a nuetral location to hash out all issues that we both had. When we left to grab a coffee she grabbed my hand (which felt so natural), so now I am even more confused. Arrrrrg I hate this


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

It isn’t my life but if it was….. I never look backwards. I would carry through with the divorce. Your wife is likely making one last grasp at her meal ticket but it is labeled as “reconciliation”.

Next up: Sexless (re)marriage

EDIT: The large majority of men on this planet can not wrap their heads around or even be emotionally intelligent enough to understand woman can approach marriage with pure practicality. Men are loved by women just as much or even more so for WHAT they are instead of WHO you are. She is sniffing around because of the what ….not The Who.

EDIT #2: You are not a fool as your screen name says. You are only uneducated in the true nature of relationships. As with nearly every person who comes here with a problem you are too close to the situation to see it for what it is. The good news is that it is something you can study and learn about


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## Rayr44 (6 mo ago)

amiafool1987 said:


> My wife wanted the seperation, she said she didnt feel loved and didnt have any independence (which is not the case as I was at work most of the time)


Looks like she has come to the realisation of the mistake she had made. The ball is in your court. If I were you I would make it very clear with her that if you both decided to get back together, then no more of this monkey business of walking out when she feels like. Either you are in or out!


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## Rayr44 (6 mo ago)

amiafool1987 said:


> We both had a face to face meeting yesterday in a nuetral location to hash out all issues that we both had. When we left to grab a coffee she grabbed my hand (which felt so natural), so now I am even more confused. Arrrrrg I hate this


I would take her back and restart the married life. Lot of communication and transparency would be the way forward. Good luck!


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## amiafool1987 (4 mo ago)

SCDad01 said:


> So your wife left. Why? More details would really help.
> 
> This is why people shouldn’t date while separated. Most states require a year separation before you can divorce not just to give time to work out financial and child custody issues, but to also allowing a cooling off period for possible reconciliation.


Me and my wife have been together since 2001, we married in 2010. We moved away to start a new life in 2020. In March of this year my wife decided to leave me, she said that the reasons for this was because I didn't show her any affection or love. She also said that she felt she didn't have any independence.
I was a destroyed human being when this happened. In June I started dating another woman and we are still together now, however my ex has now come back on the scene asking if we can try and save our marriage. We decided to meet up yesterday and as soon as we saw each other (after the initial nerves left) it felt so right and natural being with each other again. Don't get me wrong I love my wife, she was my world, however I am now at a fork in the road of life. I do have strong feelings for my new woman, however because I was with my wife for over 20 years that love is obviously very strong.
We have 2 older children together who have now gotten over the shock of the split and are moving on with their lives.
I really don't know what to do, do I end my relationship with my new woman and save my marriage or do I cut ties with my wife and move on?
I really don't know what to do and its starting to drive me crazy lol


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## 342693 (Mar 2, 2020)

amiafool1987 said:


> Me and my wife have been together since 2001, we married in 2010. We moved away to start a new life in 2020. In March of this year my wife decided to leave me, she said that the reasons for this was because I didn't show her any affection or love. She also said that she felt she didn't have any independence.
> I was a destroyed human being when this happened. In June I started dating another woman and we are still together now, however my ex has now come back on the scene asking if we can try and save our marriage. We decided to meet up yesterday and as soon as we saw each other (after the initial nerves left) it felt so right and natural being with each other again. Don't get me wrong I love my wife, she was my world, however I am now at a fork in the road of life. I do have strong feelings for my new woman, however because I was with my wife for over 20 years that love is obviously very strong.
> We have 2 older children together who have now gotten over the shock of the split and are moving on with their lives.
> I really don't know what to do, do I end my relationship with my new woman and save my marriage or do I cut ties with my wife and move on?
> I really don't know what to do and its starting to drive me crazy lol


If you and your wife want to work on saving your marriage....there is no question what you should do....save your marriage! Divorce should never be an option (except abuse) because it is so painful and affects so many people other than the husband and wife. In your case, your children. You made a commitment to your wife and vice versa. Now honor that. If you didn't show her love, then she was justified in separating. But she also did the right thing by not rushing into divorce and you need to thank her for that. Assuming she didn't date while separated, she handled separation the way it's defined...to cool off and think about the marriage before divorcing.

Like I said earlier, people should never date until their divorce is final. You should break it off with the other woman completely. Be honest with her and tell her you're sorry, but you want to save your marriage. Then severe ALL ties with her. Don't keep her as Plan B in case reconciliation with your wife fails. Let your wife know you screwed up by dating. But you were hurt and that's what some people do...look for comfort in others. So don't beat yourself up about it.

You are being given an opportunity with your wife that many guys dream of. A second chance. So don't screw it up. Think about the changes you need to make. If you don't know what they are, ask your wife. And don't rush things. Take it slow. Date your wife again.

Is your wife open to counseling?


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

Rayr44 said:


> Looks like she has come to the realisation of the mistake she had made. The ball is in your court. If I were you I would make it very clear with her that if you both decided to get back together, then no more of this monkey business of walking out when she feels like. Either you are in or out!


Because this worked so well the first time she committed to OP on their wedding day?

This is why I don't go backward.
OP you're in for the same as before, only this time walking away is not so scary.
It's going to happen again, once she sees a better situation and decides to try it.

Every choice has a consequence, good or bad. Make the right one.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Vorpal said:


> Actually writing it with pen and paper will focus your mind. it’s an old management tactic.


Excellent advice. Do this before you do anything else.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

You alone cannot save anything. That takes two. She separated for a reason. Obviously that didn’t work out for her. I would not take her back until you take a real good look at this scenario.


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## DudeInProgress (Jun 10, 2019)

The independence thing is nonsense, your wife wanted to separate so that she could try out another man/men while still keeping you in the background as Plan B.
In cases like this, 99% of the time independence = freedom to flirt/data/**** other men.

Apparently she wasn’t able to find anyone better who was willing to commit to her, so now she’s back to you.
Are you OK with that?


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## amiafool1987 (4 mo ago)

SCDad01 said:


> If you and your wife want to work on saving your marriage....there is no question what you should do....save your marriage! Divorce should never be an option (except abuse) because it is so painful and affects so many people other than the husband and wife. In your case, your children. You made a commitment to your wife and vice versa. Now honor that. If you didn't show her love, then she was justified in separating. But she also did the right thing by not rushing into divorce and you need to thank her for that. Assuming she didn't date while separated, she handled separation the way it's defined...to cool off and think about the marriage before divorcing.
> 
> Like I said earlier, people should never date until their divorce is final. You should break it off with the other woman completely. Be honest with her and tell her you're sorry, but you want to save your marriage. Then severe ALL ties with her. Don't keep her as Plan B in case reconciliation with your wife fails. Let your wife know you screwed up by dating. But you were hurt and that's what some people do...look for comfort in others. So don't beat yourself up about it.
> 
> ...


We have spoken on the phone, counselling would need to be done remotely as she had moved back down to where we originally lived, which is approx. 120 miles away. Yes she has dated a couple of guys since separating from me, a member of her family set her up a dating app profile and that's how she met her partners. But they didnt work out. She said in her words 'they didnt have time for me like you used to.'

Personally do I think the move was the main issue, maybe. We have agreed to have another face to face in the start of october, go for a meal and another chat to see what we can agree on. 

She has told me via text and over the phone that she misses me, my hugs and obviously our kids. Right now i just feel torn in so many places and dont know where to start.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

@amiafool1987

This is actually not all that unusual. Sometimes time away from each other helps. Many filed divorces are never finalized.

When you and your wife were living together, did she work outside the home? Or was she a stay-at-home mom (SAHM)?

I think you really would do well to work with your wife to see if the marriage can be rekindled. Since you have feelings for her and are struggling with all this, it can give you a chance to settle it in your mind. Either the two of you will work it out or you will get final closure that will help you move on.

In addition to counseling, there are two books that would greatly help you and your wife work through this.

Love Busters: Protect Your Marriage by Replacing Love-Busting Patterns with Love-Building Habits and His Needs, Her Needs: Making Romantic Love Last Both books are by Willard F. Jr. Harley.

The idea is that both of you read the books in the order I posted. The first book helps you two identify the 'love busters' in your relationship and talks about how you two can find ways to stop doing them. And then, after the love busters are addressed, you work on rebuilding your relationship is a strong, passionate one. It's not a bad idea rebuild your relationship at his time in your lives as your children get older. This could be a positive thing for the two of you.

You are getting a lot of input here that is negative to you and your wife getting back together and working on your relationship. That's not unusual for this site. A lot of us here have been through some pretty tough times with our marriages. I tend to be more positive about working to rebuild a marriage than many here because I've seen literally hundreds of couples rebuild and go on to have a good marriage, better than it was before.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

A relative set her up on a dating site? Are you actually believing that nonsense?
She says the new guys didn’t have time for her like you do, but says she felt unloved and wanted “independence”??????? WTH???

I think mrmarried gave you some EXTREMELY good advice.

I wouldn’t take her back. She left you for a reason and she isn’t telling you the truth about what that reason is. Clearly the Grass wasn’t greener on the other side. I wouldn’t want to be plan B and that’s all you’ll ever be at this point. I agree there’s a strong Probability this marriage will be sexless in the future, without passion.


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## re16 (Oct 9, 2012)

Here is my take... she was pining for affection from someone else, broke up with you, and she tested out those waters.

That didn't work out, so she is going back to Plan B (which is you).

She is also likely very jealous of your GF.... maybe she wants you to piss your gf off by dumping her to return to the X, but then your X will just dump you again. Then you have nothing.

Be careful.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Ask her how many different guys she let jump her bones and how frequent. Get right to the rat killing.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Evinrude58 said:


> A relative set her up on a dating site? Are you actually believing that nonsense?
> She says the new guys didn’t have time for her like you do, but says she felt unloved and wanted “independence”??????? WTH???
> 
> I think mrmarried gave you some EXTREMELY good advice.
> ...


This...


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

Am I a fool? Yes you are. Whether you accept it or not. 

You don't want to accept or believe that the reason why she left you was because she wanted other ****s. 
You want to believe it was because you were not there for her (which seems to be the case), nonetheless, now that she had her fill, she wants back, probably because she couldn't find better, so plan B is there, readily available at the snap of her fingers (probably she's sure of that). So far it looks like she is going to be right.

I pity the poor sucker of your new woman. She's in for a world of hurt.


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## 342693 (Mar 2, 2020)

amiafool1987 said:


> We have spoken on the phone, counselling would need to be done remotely as she had moved back down to where we originally lived, which is approx. 120 miles away. Yes she has dated a couple of guys since separating from me, a member of her family set her up a dating app profile and that's how she met her partners. But they didnt work out. She said in her words 'they didnt have time for me like you used to.'
> 
> Personally do I think the move was the main issue, maybe. We have agreed to have another face to face in the start of october, go for a meal and another chat to see what we can agree on.
> 
> She has told me via text and over the phone that she misses me, my hugs and obviously our kids. Right now i just feel torn in so many places and dont know where to start.


Well that changes my advice. 

You've been separated a few months and she's dated a couple of guys. Sounds like she couldn't wait to start her new fantasy life, but it didn't pan out the way she thought it would. So all of a sudden, she misses you. You are clearly Plan B. And with you dating someone, she's jealous and sees what she's missing. Too bad IMO. She left and you moved on. 

I would cut your losses and stay with the woman you're with. Because if you get back with your wife, she will leave you again at the first sign of trouble to look for someone better. It will be an endless game and you will be the loser every time. 

Never let yourself be someone's second choice.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

amiafool1987 said:


> Me and my wife have been together since 2001, we married in 2010. We moved away to start a new life in 2020. In March of this year my wife decided to leave me, she said that the reasons for this was because I didn't show her any affection or love. She also said that she felt she didn't have any independence.
> I was a destroyed human being when this happened. In June I started dating another woman and we are still together now, however my ex has now come back on the scene asking if we can try and save our marriage. We decided to meet up yesterday and as soon as we saw each other (after the initial nerves left) it felt so right and natural being with each other again. Don't get me wrong I love my wife, she was my world, however I am now at a fork in the road of life. I do have strong feelings for my new woman, however because I was with my wife for over 20 years that love is obviously very strong.
> We have 2 older children together who have now gotten over the shock of the split and are moving on with their lives.
> I really don't know what to do, do I end my relationship with my new woman and save my marriage or do I cut ties with my wife and move on?
> I really don't know what to do and its starting to drive me crazy lol


You say you were a 'destroyed human being' by her wanting to leave in March yet within a very short time of a few weeks you were dating again. Now you have dated the new woman (while still married) just for 3 months.
There is no way you should have dated again so soon before you were even divorced. It doesn't sound as if the divorce has even been started.
If you do try again with your wife and it doesn't work out, at least leave it till l you are no longer married next time.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

You realize that if those guys she dated had not been duds she very likely wouldn’t have wanted a reset? If you’re okay with that then go for it.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

How did she not have independence? (Other than you not wanting her to hook up with other men). Did you restrict her to the house and not allow access to the car keys?? 

And if these other men were not trying to lock her up in the basement and she’s saying they didn’t have time for her, then she’s not leaving them for independence either huh? 

as is this independence thing the real reason she left???

But here’s a bigger and more important question - have either of you fundamentally changed since the split?? 

Are you a different person now? 

If she didn’t want to be with you before the split, then why is she wanting to be with you now? 

Are you taller and better looking than a handful of months? Have you landed a much better job with a lot more money? Have you won the lottery? Have you gotten a lot more sociable and charming? 

How you changed so that she wants you back now?

And if you haven’t gotten better looking and are making a lot more money, then what is to stop her from packing up and taking off again? 

Has SHE fundamentally changed in her persona?

Has she spent the last year in intensive therapy and conquered her demons and has herself become a different person?

If not, then what’s going to happen a few months down the road when she starts to feel bored and trapped again and wants to try out a new man(s) again? 

Have the real issues been identified, assessed, addressed and corrected and have BOTH of you fundamentally changed so that instead of stepping back into the pre-separation life and be right back to where you were packing bags, you are actually beginning anew where each of you are new people in a new relationship with each other?


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

I’d stick with the new lady. Your wife—— she’s clearly on the prowl for other men. She hates the thought of you not being her security blanket—- because another woman is interested in you. She wouldn’t be dating other men if you were important to her and if she “misses you”……


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## Jimi007 (6 mo ago)

Women just don't leave their children...There is always a reason . Sounds like she left to be with someone else. Tested the waters and it didn't work out. So now back to you . 





.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

amiafool1987 said:


> .......I was a destroyed human being when this happened. In June I started dating another woman and we are still together now, however my ex has now come back on the scene asking if we can try and save our marriage. We decided to meet up yesterday and as soon as we saw each other (after the initial nerves left) it felt so right and natural being with each other again.
> 
> ........I really don't know what to do, *do I end my relationship with my new woman and save my marriage or do I cut ties with my wife and move on?*
> I really don't know what to do and its starting to drive me crazy lol


If you were my brother, I would tell you to sit down and ask yourself some hard questions.

The first question would be, do you think you will ever be able to truly trust the woman who separated from you? Marriage and intimacy required being vulnerable to your partner. After what this woman did to you will you ever be able to trust her so that you can be vulnerable to her again?

How do you "know" she will never walk out on you again? Marriage is about commitment to a relationship that will have its ups and downs. Without commitment you really don't have a marriage you can count on. She walked out on that commitment rather than trying to fight for her marriage, so why is she going to be different in the future?

Yes, 20 years of history, children is a lot to give up for you, but why was it so easy for her to give up when she needed a separation?

Once you figure out your answers to these questions, if you still want to explore reconciliation, ask her to go to marriage counseling with you so the two of you can discuss "from your perspective" what it would take for you to be able to forgive and trust her again and if that is so unlikely that it is not worth trying to reconcile your marriage.

For me this is a hard one. On the one hand I am very pro-marriage and reconciliation if possible. On the other hand, I am not sure I could ever fully trust someone who demanded a separation and left. Your story does point out why dating prior to divorce being finalized can complicate things.

Good luck. The choice is yours.


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## David60525 (Oct 5, 2021)

amiafool1987 said:


> Hello,
> 
> I am looking for some advice and help.
> 
> ...


Stop it. See to saving your marriage and your life.


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## Robert22205 (Jun 6, 2018)

Your kids are grown. Marriage vows are not a reason to tolerate abuse. Your wife abused you in the worst possible way. She clearly separated so she could test single life. 

What has she done to make herself a safe partner?

Do not move back with her until she earns a second chance. Currently, she is not a could candidate for reconciliation because she's high risk to repeat. 

It's her job to become a safe partner and it's her job to rebuild your trust.
None of that occurs simply as time passes.

Her behavior and words to you are: selfish, entitled, misleading, and show zero empathy for you (or respect for marriage vows).

There's no quick or easy fix for her. It will take years.

Distance yourself.


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## amiafool1987 (4 mo ago)

So heres an update, so at the start of this week I decided to go and see my ex, she met up with me and we had a long hard chat about where we are both at, she has told me to my face that she wants us to work at our marriage, seeing her again brought back a flood of emotion that I thought was done with. So I have decided that we cannot just give up on 20 odd years together and 10 years of marriage just like that. We are going to live seperatly for now but as long as all goes well I will be looking to relocate to where she is living as there is plenty of work for me too. I have cut the other woman loose, yes that was hard but my marriage is what I want and need to save.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

What a terrible choice….. good luck with that. 
She cut you loose so she could run around for a little while. I guess you can swallow that. There is no possible way I could.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Evinrude58 said:


> A relative set her up on a dating site? Are you actually believing that nonsense?
> She says the new guys didn’t have time for her like you do, but says she felt unloved and wanted “independence”??????? WTH???
> 
> I think mrmarried gave you some EXTREMELY good advice.
> ...


She’s looking for plan B backup.


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## Randomlifeguru (3 mo ago)

amiafool1987 said:


> Hello,
> 
> I am looking for some advice and help.
> 
> ...


I understand the problem. Once you have children your life becomes complicated because it is not just about you. The right path would be to try to save the marriage for your children’s sake. The relationship that you shared with your ex wife may not ever be the same. The key to a healthy relationship is to always practice unconditional love. Is your wife willing to practice love unconditionally? If so then the best advice would be to try and work it out.


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## gameopoly5 (5 mo ago)

amiafool1987 said:


> Nobody cheated the ex felt unloved and she felt that she had no independence after we moved away


Are you sure about that my friend?
Rarely will wives walk out from a marriage knowing they`ll be worse off. Most will have a plan B, meaning either another guy or even a woman.
If a wife asks for a trial separation or some me time or claims she needs some space, it probably means she has an affair partner.
This happened to me with my first wife. After two kids and 7 years of marriage later I arrived home from home one evening and she`d gone with the kids, apparently to her parents. There was a note on the table that said, I`ve left you.
She filed for divorce and refused all communication with me. It wasn`t until after the divorce was finalised that I discovered she had dumped me for a lover.
8 years later she contacted me and asked if we could remarry again as obviously her new guy had dumped her. But by that time I had already married another woman and moved on.
Good luck to you if you don`t believe.


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## re16 (Oct 9, 2012)

Know what you are forgiving before you decide to forgive it.


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## blackclover3 (Apr 23, 2021)

the first thing you need to ask and get clear pictures since you were not fully divorced, how many people you each slept with. then go from there and decide


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## blackclover3 (Apr 23, 2021)

@amiafool1987 check what @gameopoly5 had said
she might have cheated during your marriage, no one walkout on marriage without a plan B. people dont feel loved unless they getting it from someone else or attention. 
No married man or woman would walk away from a long marriage just because dont feel loved. 

feeling loved in a long term marriage such as yours becomes built in - even if you dont say it or feel it and despite the painful experiences. the only time that "I dont feel loved" comes out when the husband or wife banging someone else. 

in your case, she said she dated couple, that means may be 10+ guys she slept with. they didnt have time for her, means they wanted one night stand or casual F buddy and she had given them. 

if she doesnt confess now and you decide you get back together then a year or two down the road you find out you will be a very miserable.


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