# Been thinking Divorce for years now



## Valaria1 (Dec 18, 2013)

I want to get a divorce but he has told me he will make it very difficult on me. 

I have been married for 9 years and most of it I have been completely miserable. He is an emotional and verbal abuser and very angry person. I have been walking on eggshells and not speaking my mind for a long time now. I could make a huge list of things he has done, but I have done that on other forums and only men responded, but but they all said they would never have lasted as long as me or put up with what I have. That I have been through hell and the meat grinder. to get out. That is what I want to do, get out of this relationship! But even though he has brought up divorce as a threat for entire marriage, I brought it up once and he went crazy on me, said if I do want to actually leave him he will make it hard for me and will not treat me with respect at all. I dont know what that even means, I dont have respect now. so that scares me a little. 

One new years he cornered me into the bathroom and screamed in my face from one year to the next! over going to a friends house and not coming home soon enough. (there was many many hours till the transition) I got screamed at bc he was mad that he wanted to spend time with me on new years... so he spends the actual time screaming in my face and not letting me out of the bathroom! then he has went over to the same friends house with out telling me and staying way way late and I dont yell at him,. 

he interrupts me all the time , he wont let me talk when we have arguments, he makes me in charge of EVERYTHING and he works.... but he wont clean up after himself or take care of us, im even in charge of taking care of the family. he has nearly killed us when we put him in charge of emergencies. We were so close to death it was seriously a miracle. The pressure of keeping up the house he keeps trashing and organizing the crap he brings in here and keeping up with what bills, home improvements, etc etc I am always buried in my responsibilities in this marriage. I want to divorce him so badly. Every year I would tell myself I want to leave him, then I would tell myself were a family, work things out. I have never got to tell him how I feel about anything really, bc anytime we have had fights he doesnt let me talk. he literally put his fingers in his ears and talked loudly "I cant hear you!!" What he didnt hear was me saying "We dont have communication in our marriage" Ironically. He is more than childish. 

I feel like my only chance of getting out of this is secretly preparing for it and then get my stuff gone while hes at work. I already have a family member that will take me and my son with more than welcome arms. But I feel like I can hardly do this, I am so scared. Divorce is scary, but what is it going to be like with someone who interrupts me when I bring up a Tv show and thinks I said a different tv show, I correct him kindly and he gets so mad he pulls the car over and abandons me and my son right there. he has done that ... wow I dont know how many times. a lot. I need to be able to talk to anyone but I have to keep it a super secret otherwise if he found out I dont know what would happen. I have my son to think of and I though that I could plan it out then when school ends for summer I will move in w family and file for divorce. I wish I could just talk to him about it, I havent been able to talk to him about anything though.

So, when I leave him, he is going to make it as hard as he can. what do I do?


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## Valaria1 (Dec 18, 2013)

I'm afraid the only way I can get divorced is surprise him with it? Should I get a storage unit secretly and start putting my belongings or should I give it a chance to actually talk to him? he can tell I am no longer attracted to him and he can tell that I have very little interest in him as I have lost respect for him years ago.


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## sammy3 (Jun 5, 2011)

I think you need more help than you can give yourself. Have you always been this afraid of this man for 9 yrs ? I dont know what to advise you because I've only had a boyfriend 40 yrs ago that was abusive by the bottle. That was a bf, not a husband, and I was very young. 

Maybe others with a lot more experience will jump in and offer more than I can, but gee, I think you are in a not so good, safe place. 

~sammy


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

You have to do this on the down low. DO NOT tell him you are planning to leave. If you dont already have one, open your own bank account. Start slowly moving things over to where you are going to stay. Get a lawyer and have the papers drawn up. Get movers lined up and have them move you one day while he is at work. I truly believe that this is the best way in your case. You can do it! You are stronger than you would ever believe!


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