# 20 yrs of marriage and he decides he wants out (long)



## toni4038 (Oct 17, 2010)

We are married 20 yrs. Have 4 children - 19,17,16 and 11, a home, and fil that lives with us. We have been to hell and back with my ds having cancer. Then my stbx went into depression and panic atacks - stemmed from PTSD. This lasted 5 years and now he seems to be less depressed but he wants out. 
At first I thought he just wanted out which I'm sure he does. But I also found out he's been texting an ow about over 50 x a day. I brought that up at the mc and he swears he is not cheating but he only thinks that sex is cheating so I also told him about emotional cheating. I am at the point that we have een so unhappy for so many years that if he wants to go he should go. 
We started mediation but unfortunately since then he lost his job of 20 yrs. He is interviewing and received severance but pretty much we are at a standstill since we do not want to go through all the severance. He is still living at home and we have not told the kids. We are even still sleeping in the same bed not that there has been any activity in the bed for the last 4 yrs. 
He does plan to move out and get his own place as soon as he is employed again. We are keeping everything amicable but sometimes I just want to scream "How can you do this!" His father will stay living here with us - he is getting older and has no where to go. My sils do not have room for him. 
I do not know how we will tell the children. 
I do not know how I will make it without him. 
I have been a SAHM mostly because my youngest has many issues and many doctors appointments. I only sub and there are no teaching jobs in my area. 
I know he is still texting the OW so I am anxious for him to go. 
I feel so alone ...


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## jessi (Feb 11, 2009)

Hi there toni4038,

First of all let me say that I'm sorry for the life you are living. It has to be tough to have so much on your plate, you are probably at your wits end.....
Your husband needs to leave the house and move on with the life he wants for himself, you are not responsible for him any longer since he has chosen to leave the marriage and be involved with someone else.....
I would tell the children about his decisions including the OW and work towards him going to live somewhere else....
You can make it without him, you will get a job of some sort and everything will work out, you are just scared of the unknown......don't be, this isn't life you are living it's just existing in a painful way.....
Get your power back this man is not worth it at least not like this....
Step up for yourself, stop feeling sorry for yourself and get up and start getting your plan together......
Your husband needs a stilf kick in the a** to wake himself up from a life which hurts his family......
If he wants out and on with the OW, let him go.......in fact make him go, go see a lawyer, get your rights, get the plan going.......


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