# feel like a quitter



## kybt (Apr 18, 2011)

As stated before in my last post I have been with my wife for 19 years and married for 14 (I'm 43 she is 42) and have two kids (9 and 5).

I am gong to talk to my wife about maybe separating. I just don't feel happy anymore. There is no passion and love in our relationship. Its like we are friends but that is it. I sometimes feel like I am one of the kids (maybe I am). But I just not sure what to do anymore. I feel like a quitter. What am I supposed to do, stay because of my kids which I love with every tread of my soul or move on and see what makes me happy. What will it do to my kids, I have always tried to tell my kids to finish what you started. But here I am quitting something. I think we may have moved past ever being able to fix this marriage but I am not sure. 

Sorry for the rambling. Any advice would be helpfull


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## Lilyana (Apr 12, 2011)

Kids are stronger than you think. I used them as an excuse to stay too many times. I am a firm believer that kids are better off with two happy parents that are apart than two miserable parents that stayed together for them. 

I want my kids to know what a good loving marriage should be like. Not see what I do, which we all know we lead our kids by example. I would never want my children this unhappy.

After you and your W agree to a seperation or whatever it is yuo are going to do. BOTH of you should talk to the kids. Explain the situation to them honestly. But don't blame anyone or point fingers. Just let them know that mommy and daddy don't think they can be together anymore, because they are both unhappy. But reassure them that YOU and your W love them both very much and will always be there for them. Ask them if they have any questions, and address their concerns, don't cast their questions aside no matter how trivial they seem to you.

I wish you luck.. and show those babys how much love you have for them every day


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## lost soul (May 20, 2009)

First can I say WOW !! you guy's where together for 10 yrs before having kids,,,,, damn now that's some alone time.

I'm in your same situation,,, we argue all the time about little stuff but gotten pretty good at letting it go. In the moment she is quick to say "then leave I don't care" but in good moods it's I love you honey. As for me I still have love for her and don't want to leave but she makes it hard to stay (at times) We've been through a lot and I do not want to see another man with my kids or her,,,, So I suck it up and stay. Is it wrong probably but this is the real world not a fairytale

So to me it's what a person is able to live with,,, as far as occasional unhappiness. There's a lot more but ,,,,,,,


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## Acorn (Dec 16, 2010)

For what it is worth, my marriage has been at a crisis point for a while now. I had made the decision to separate about a year ago, feeling much the same way you do, and at the last minute I decided against it.

Instead, I continued to see my individual counselor and tried to take that angle much more seriously. At first, all I did was make every session about "should I stay or should I go". But over time, the counselor steered it toward me and I learned a lot about myself. It allowed me to see my flaws and make some changes about myself. And what people say is true, when I changed my wife's reactions toward me changed. (They didn't change exactly the way I'd like them to, but nonetheless, there were noticeable changes!)

In my situation, once I figured out what would make me happy within the context of marriage, I started to politely but firmly push myself in that direction. My wife has not joined me or really put a lot of effort into examining herself as I have done. The result is a general feeling of "I love her, but we are not growing as a couple, and my efforts to lead us toward being a growing couple has failed." If it ends, I will know that rather than quitting, I tried to lead and it just wasn't meant to be. That will be a lot easier for me to live with, and also make it a lot easier to explain this to the kids both now and when they are older, if they ask.


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## babygirlizzy (Jul 9, 2010)

Do you know if your wife is unhappy, too? Because when my H threw me the bomb last year, I was so shocked.


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