# threesome



## Hurtssomuch (Jan 2, 2010)

Has anyone ever tried a threesome. Husband/Wife/other woman.

My husband and I are separated at the moment. We have discussed about having a threesome, I am open to the idea but a little reluctant as we are separated. I have a few issues with it. He is the one that left me. I am wondering if he is just using me. I am worried that we will have this threesome and may continue or not but if he doesn't want to get back together then he is just using me or sex. 

If you have been separated from your spouse did you continue to have sex with them and how did this work out for you?

Thank you


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## Dancing Nancie (Jul 1, 2008)

I think that having sex is ok while separated. I think without it, it will be tough to have any connection while separated. Now, bringing in someone else to the bedroom while there are already issues is hard enough on a stable relationship. You do that to a fractured one, and you are giving your marriage a death sentance. My wife and I share the threesome fantasy, but are under no delusions that it would do nothing but destroy our marriage. With that said, that is where we leave the fantasy. We use toys and role play that scenario for some spice. If I were you I wouldn't even entertain this.


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## sound1 (Dec 3, 2009)

I would say not the best idea to continue having sex during separation it complicates things in the reasoning for the separation and a three some well sounds like your being asked in the order of being the more likely person to say yes. What I am saying is he doesn't have to find two other women the search is 2/3rd's complete where as if you weren't having sex with him still he would have to find 2 willing parties. He's using the advantage of you in the mix , follow what I'm meaning there. I as nice777guy said it seems to cause more problems in a good/strong relationship that's together let alone being apart. ( I understand dancing nancie reasoning ) In my two year sep. we did a few times and it just jumbled up the reasoning and the internal searching if one wants to work it out or go separate ways in my experience. If you not willing to let that portion of the relationship go( being that it is a big part of most's relaionship) than why are you sep. an how will one know if it's the right thing to move on and let the rest go which is obviously the question of separation. Every ones different though.


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## Hurtssomuch (Jan 2, 2010)

Thanks for the imput. 

He told me it has been a fantasy of his. I know this has been a fantasy of his because when we were living together he told me it was quite a while ago. He said it is his fantasy but only with me being one of the women. I told him he could go and get any 2 women and have a threesome he said yes he could but his fantasy has always been 1 of the women being me he is not interested in a threesome if I am not one of the women. 

I want to believe him as he has never given me an reason as to why he would lie about this. I am not being naive but we have been together for 20 years and married for 14 years.

I will definately give some thought to what everyone said.

Thank you again


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## marcy* (Feb 27, 2010)

Only the idea of watching my husband touching another girl makes me sick.:whip::redcard:


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## sound1 (Dec 3, 2009)

Wow is all I can really say ( I am a husband) to the fact that this is his focus in a separation and regardless of your years together, you would actually entertain the idea setting aside your "want to believe him". It would seem that it if anything the focus should be more of why you needed the time away what brought this on and how to fix it and if it's something to do with that topic than selfishness (on his part) comes to mind very quickly. AS most men we have all had a similar fantasy would I actually ask my wife in all seriousness to bring in other women uhh hell no and definitely not during a sep. just seems totally misplaced.


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## steve71 (Feb 5, 2010)

Hurtssomuch, I have some experience of threesomes and I have seen them go horribly wrong even for apparently secure, strong, loving couples. From what you've said about being separated I don't think this is the right time for such experiments.


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## larniegrl (Oct 7, 2009)

I've been separated from my hubby for three months now, and we've continued to have a sexual relationship. It is the glue that holds us together, and I'm not sure if we would be talking right now otherwise.

It worries me that he, instead of bringing up ideas on how to heal the marriage, that he is fixated on having his fantasy.


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## OneMarriedGuy (Apr 5, 2010)

larniegrl said:


> I've been separated from my hubby for three months now, and we've continued to have a sexual relationship. It is the glue that holds us together, and I'm not sure if we would be talking right now otherwise.
> 
> It worries me that he, instead of bringing up ideas on how to heal the marriage, that he is fixated on having his fantasy.


Now your thinking a bit better. Trust me I know how pain and wanting to keep somebody can make you do very little in the way of self preservation of survival. But if the only think he want you for is the warm moist cavity between you thighs - is that what you want to be? Is that really glue to haold a marriage together? Truly sex is a great part of a healthy marriage both physically and mentally, but sex on it own? ... well you could easily get that by standing up at the nearest bar and saying "I need laid, any takers?"

To me this sounds like a power play. It sounds like he is tired of you, is already gone but wants things to finalize in his own good time, but will toy a bit with you to feed his ego. IMO (which may be entirely wrong btw) he is using your trying to hold onto a marriage as control opportunity for him to see just how far he can pull your strings and use you. I'd like others to comment on this as well because I know I'm making a pretty strong statement here. But I guess find it hard to see it in another light.

AS much as you possibly can, start working on your happiness as an individual. Whether married or not that is extremely important!


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## Intruder1500 (Apr 9, 2010)

Answer to the threesome Question: NO
Been there, done that, and very much regret that.
We were young, been married about 10 years and started talking about threesomes. Next thing you know, the opportunity presents itself. We had a couple of "soft" threesomes. They have come back to bite me in the butt years later. I believe that I lost my wifes respect for me when I allowed that to happen, although she enjoyed it, I believe years later, that it really affected our marriage. We had a very good marriage at the time, but now it is very unstable. I regret it, if there was anything I could do to erase it, I would. Being as how you are already having issues, I see nothing but trouble with the threesome.


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## momof6girls (Jan 11, 2010)

save the 3 for later if at all when you are back together.


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## bumpgrind1 (Mar 29, 2010)

When we were healthy (?) we were in a few 3sums. I am now and always have only been interested in my wife. It was always FFM and no other men. We did the thing with myself and another man watching while the girls romped on the bed together and other times I was involved , having sex with both women. It didn't do much for me to be honest. I've even watched other women grimmace while they were doing it with her because they were only doing it to please their spouses. It's very confusing even now, probably ten years or so after the last time but I will say that it felt that she was only interested in her own experience and each time she was finished it was understood that everyone was finished.


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## MarriedinVegas (Apr 8, 2010)

You say that you told him to go have a 3some with 2 other girls and he replied that his 3some fantasy included you being one of the girls. Well this tells me that he is not hearing what your saying. Obviously you are not interested in it as you told him to go find 2 other girls, yet he did not get that message. That is only my opinion as it is the message I would have gotten if told this myself. I personally dont agree with having sex with someone that has left the relationship. I dont know if this helps at all but its my opinion and observations on what you have told us.


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

I am wondering with the people who have had experience with 3-somes. . .I think the discrepancy between fantasy and reality is that once you get to the bedroom, you realize there is another person there, not just some genitals, breasts, and lips.

I guess that could be a positive or a negative but I suppose when I fantasize about a threesome, I must admit I am thinking of just having all those nice female body parts stimulating me or me stimulating them.

That being said, I wouldn't turn it down for sure.


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## airplane (Mar 15, 2011)

Threesomes can be fun, but only if both spouses agree on what will happen; you also need to have a safe word in case it goes south for either of you.

I've been the M in a MFM, her husband liked to watch while myself and his wife had sex; oral, intercourse and anal. He also enjoy going down on his wife after I had been there. 

After the 3rd time with them, I felt used, kinda make me feel like it most of felt for a one night stand and the guy never calls you back.

I've also done a FFM, this was quite fun, watching and having 2 woman both pleasing me. If I had a choice, I would pick both, they have their merits.


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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

Hurtssomuch said:


> Has anyone ever tried a threesome. Husband/Wife/other woman.


My husband and I are separated at the moment. We have discussed about having a threesome, I am open to the idea but a little reluctant as we are separated. 
[/quote]
You are discussing bringing someone into an already at risk marriage? This is a very poor idea to say the least.



> I have a few issues with it. He is the one that left me. I am wondering if he is just using me.


Bingo, must be the front row.



> I am worried that we will have this threesome and may continue or not but if he doesn't want to get back together then he is just using me or sex.
> 
> If you have been separated from your spouse did you continue to have sex with them and how did this work out for you?
> 
> Thank you


I have seen people try to add others to "save" a marriage. Holy broken hearts, batman. And be aware that a threesome is the most risky of the swinging style. I think you would be making a HUGE mistake.


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## Flo1967 (Feb 9, 2011)

I would like to try MFM and FMF all with my wife being the number Female. Nothing better than seeing her so happy and satisfied.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## airplane (Mar 15, 2011)

Flo1967

Have you asked her or talked about it with her?


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## marcopoly69 (Sep 7, 2010)

airplane said:


> Flo1967
> 
> Have you asked her or talked about it with her?


At this time of my life, it is not something it turns me on...and I think while the children still at home, won't be. In the future once the youngest of my children leave the house, I may change my mind, but I am not sure where my wife will be, mentally and spiritually, at that time. And even if it were to happen, I don't think she will want a threesome where she has to interact with another female since she is straight. I am straight too, so I don't know how this would work to be really fun...I guess, if two woman and a man, then the two woman needs to be real friends so they can feel comfortable with being naked in front of each other, and also, sharing what the man has to offer...Now, how things changed if she tells you that if you want another woman in the bedroom why not having a 4 some...now it gets interesting since I think it could work out for me as the thought turns me on...the problem is what the experience would do for your connection and love between you and your wife...to me for a couple to get there and being able to be happy afterwards, you need to have such a big connection, trust and love for your spouse, and knowing that the sexual experience is nothing but another way to keep the sex exciting...because it is sad, when sex becomes boring that no one wants to have it.....it is difficult...


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

My current partner and I are seriously considering a 2 couple "same bed" experience, where you stay with your partner, but still have the other couple right there. The two ladies may do some exploring as well, depending on how things go. This seems like a step into the shallow end of the pool.  

We've also discussed threesomes; she's had one with two guys before, wants another one someday (with me), and is willing to do one for me with her and another woman. I'd like too as well, but I'm not really wanting to "share" her with anyone else yet.  So I'll wait till things need some spicing up.

We've also talked about going to another city to check out a sex club... And just see what happens there.

I think a "x-some" may work ok in a solid relationship, or in my case, a relatively uncommitted relationship. I doubt I would roll the dice on a shaky relationship, unless I no longer was concerned about whether it continued or not. Too risky. And if I did, both partners would have to be fully into the idea... If one partner is not certain, then no way.

C


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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

PBear said:


> My current partner and I are seriously considering a 2 couple "same bed" experience, where you stay with your partner, but still have the other couple right there. The two ladies may do some exploring as well, depending on how things go. This seems like a step into the shallow end of the pool.
> 
> We've also discussed threesomes; she's had one with two guys before, wants another one someday (with me), and is willing to do one for me with her and another woman.


This woman is called a golden unicorn... she doesn't exist!  Well that is not really true. it is possible, but very, very difficult to find.



> I'd like too as well, but I'm not really wanting to "share" her with anyone else yet.  So I'll wait till things need some spicing up.


Be very, very careful here. Think very hard about how you are going to handle the jealousy when it does finally arise. I really suggest this book.

Amazon.com: Opening Up: A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships (9781573442954): Tristan Taormino: Books

This one

Amazon.com: Doin One for the Team: Years in the Swinging Lifestyle (9781419641930): Simbaxxx: Books

is ONE person's view of swinging. It is not really representative of many different people, and does not claim to be. Just her experience. She gets a couple things wrong in my opinion. But nothing huge.



> We've also talked about going to another city to check out a sex club... And just see what happens there.


Read those books first. You NEED ground rules. You cannot go in and "see what happens" without risking something happening that one of you is REALLY not ok with. It is really hard to check yourself in the moment even without the addition of alcohol which is sometimes also present.

You need a stop word much like a safe word in BDSM that means no really I am serious my mind esplode we need to go home now.



> I think a "x-some" may work ok in a solid relationship, or in my case, a relatively uncommitted relationship.


Oh I did not realize it was that. 



> I doubt I would roll the dice on a shaky relationship,


It is almost universally the death knell. I have seen it more times than I care to count. You read about it on the swing forums all the time. 



> And if I did, both partners would have to be fully into the idea... If one partner is not certain, then no way.
> 
> C


Both partners ALWAYS need to be fully in.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Mom, yes, my current relationship started out as an "NSA" type thing. Lately, some "strings" (aka feelings) have developed, but there's still very much a sexual focus on the relationship. Which is fine with both of us. I think this type of relationship is best for exploring new things, because if things go wrong, then you're not risking TOO much. We would both hurt for awhile, I'm sure, but it wouldn't be the end of the world.

As far as the golden unicorn goes... I've heard that before, and I suspect you're right. But we're not in a huge hurry.  At one point, she had planned on having a FMF threesome with her BFF and a semi-random guy, but it fell through. I think the rules might be different though when it's not a "semi-random" guy, but one that she has some feelings for (aka me)... Sharing might not be as cool then. And the last thing I want to do is be a wedge between her and her BFF. 

Thanks for the input!

C


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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

PBear said:


> Mom, yes, my current relationship started out as an "NSA" type thing. Lately, some "strings" (aka feelings) have developed, but there's still very much a sexual focus on the relationship. Which is fine with both of us. I think this type of relationship is best for exploring new things, because if things go wrong, then you're not risking TOO much. We would both hurt for awhile, I'm sure, but it wouldn't be the end of the world.


You are not gaining as much either. It always strikes me funny that people see the 'style as all about sex and that the emotional connection is in a separate box outside of it. As if the only thing to be gained is fresh t&a. The development of honesty, trust and understanding that it added for DH and I cannot be measured.

Not really disagreeing with you. Just a different PoV.



> As far as the golden unicorn goes... I've heard that before, and I suspect you're right. But we're not in a huge hurry.  At one point, she had planned on having a FMF threesome with her BFF and a semi-random guy, but it fell through.


She was going to have an FMF with ... 2 guys? Neat trick. 



> I think the rules might be different though when it's not a "semi-random" guy, but one that she has some feelings for (aka me)... Sharing might not be as cool then. And the last thing I want to do is be a wedge between her and her BFF.
> 
> Thanks for the input!
> 
> C


Wait. She has a BF now?


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Mom, BFF = "Best Friend Forever". A female friend from way back. Different than a "BF" (aka Boyfriend). 

C


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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

PBear said:


> Mom, BFF = "Best Friend Forever". A female friend from way back. Different than a "BF" (aka Boyfriend).
> 
> C


 :slap:

One little letter...


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Mom,

LOL... A very important letter, in this case. Probably cleared up a lot of your confusion, I hope! 

I think for us, what we hope to "gain" is just sharing a new experience. Nothing more, really. I do think there's a big difference between a very committed/long term relationship sharing something like this vs. kinda casual lovers. I don't think it's a "lifestyle" thing for either of us, just a fantasy to explore and try. And the current "t&a" is pretty new for us anyway (2 month relationship). 

C


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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

PBear said:


> Mom,
> 
> LOL... A very important letter, in this case. Probably cleared up a lot of your confusion, I hope!
> 
> ...


Ride the ride!


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## mshab61 (Mar 17, 2011)

I’ve been married 21 years now to my wife and we dated 7 years before that. About 3 years into our dating we had a threesome with a woman. I was a one time drunken affair and a few years later my wife and I were engaged. We have had a good marriage I won’t say great but good. We have two daughters together one 17 years old the other 8years old. There was a time early in our marriage that we discussed experimenting again but nothing ever came of it and the thought just faded away.

25 years later it has come back and bit me in the a$$. Just recently I have discovered that my wife is again interested in women sexually. We are in counseling now not only because of this but because our marriage is not was it once was over the last 2 years. We are sticking it out for now mainly because we love our children with all our heart and don’t want to disturb our 8 year old. My 17 years old knows that our marriage has not been good over the last two years but she’s old enough to cope with it at least that’s what she has told me when we speak about this matter of marriage not the other thing. I’m still in love with my wife dearly and will stand by her side while she goes through this part of her life. I’m hoping that when and if she does have a sexually encounter with another women if she hasn’t already it will turn out to be just a phase that she’s going through again at this time and will come back to me after her experiment. I might be living in a dream world and it could very well end our marriage but she will have to end it. I’m willing to stick it out because I still love her and my children dearly.

So to answer your question about a threesome, don’t go there if you're still in love with him and want to get back together, you might regret it like I have years down the road.


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