# FOREPLAY



## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

What is foreplay in your mind ?
Is it a kiss run your hand down the others back and then moving on to undress them and start cunnilingus or BJ 
Think about it 
"foreplay" implies the big show is coming, right after some preliminary action. LIKE A WARM UP can be seen by some as just playing nice to get what you relay want , 

So for some , the main pleasure is in their orgasm, and everything before that is
kind of minor, but cumming, that’s what it’s all about, right? 
even the word foreplay is saying it is something before the mane event,


Foreplay starts long before the actual sex. For me, it starts when I get a
phone call from my wife or when we say good morning to each other 

So, where does cunnilingus fit in? For us, for me it is part of the big event and not just Foreplay but same goes for kissing and any other intermit play if that was not the case you would be fine with some guy dropping off the mail to give her a big kiss

we often get people saying it was only a kiss , or it was nothing , but as an Irish man living in France where their culture is more hugs and even hand shakes and we are more like you have passed an invisible wall 

I think good Foreplay can be as little as a glance ,
Foreplay continues when one holds his gaze for a beat or two longer
than usual, or brushes his fingertips over her shoulder, when he holds the door,
basically when he pays attention to her .
When the conversation over dinner turns to more intimate things, the
foreplay ramps up in intensity,
I think when people talk about falling into a rut ,


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

frenchpaddy said:


> So, where does cunnilingus fit in?


I want to talk about this specifically more a moment as this can be a point of contention between the boys and the girls. 

Many men think of oral sex as foreplay since it is what turns them on and gets them aroused and stimulated. 

That is not always the case for women though. For many women, oral sex is not foreplay, it is sex. 

In other words, having someone slurp around down there before they are fully aroused does not feel pleasurable and sexually stimulating ........ it feels slimy and abrasive and uncomfortable. 

Men generally understand that women need to aroused and wet before they go sticking penises in vaginas (at least I hope they do) otherwise intercourse can be very abrasive and painful. 

But that same principle can apply to oral sex on women as well. People generally understand the wetness and lubrication issue, but what a lot of men may not understand is that the female genital system is physiologically analogous to the male genital system. It is all the same tissues originating from the same stem cells. During fetal development, boys and girls are physically the same and have the same tissues and structures. At a certain point in fetal development, the hormones come flowing in and girls develop their genitalia and ovaries internally and boy's penis and testicles get pushed out externally. The structures rearrange a bit structurally but it is all the same tissues and all function pretty similarly. 

The clitoris is analogous to the head of the penis and is actually about 10 times larger than originally thought and much of it is internal. The erectile tissue of the shaft of the penis is analogous to the vulva and walls of the vagina and is also erectile in nature with arousal and stimulation. (women can even have morning wood) 

So just as the handling of man's flaccid penis can be uncomfortable and awkward feeling, so too is direct physical contact with female vulva and clitoris etc in an unaroused state with a female. Once things are fully aroused and erect and engorged, then physical contact and direct physical stimulation of the genitalia can become pleasurable and stimulating. 

The difference between the girls and boys is men can get into a sexual headspace within seconds and forgot about everything else going on in the world and the penis can go from completely flaccid to full attention in a minute or so. 

Women not so much. It takes more time and effort to get a woman to stop worrying about the dishes in the sink, the blades of grass growing up out of the cracks in the driveway, when the last time the kitchen floor was waxed, the kid's next appointment with the orthodontist, the plight of the baby seals in Antarctica etc etc etc etc etc etc etc etc etc etc etc 

And it can take a lot longer for her genital tissues to become fully engorged and erect and lubricated. 

Obviously lots of women enjoy receiving oral sex and for some, it is more orgasmic than PIV. 

But the mistake a lot of men make is thinking that if they go diving in there the moment the pants are off that they will get her aroused and ready to go since oral on a man is often the sure-fire way to get him fully erect and ready to go and for it to be a pleasurable experience for him. 

But it often doesn't work that way for women. Women typically need the arousal and warm up before any tongues and lips etc go slurping around down there. 

Bottom line, Oral sex isn't foreplay. It's sex.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

frenchpaddy said:


> What is foreplay in your mind ?
> Is it a kiss run your hand down the others back and then moving on to undress them and start cunnilingus or BJ
> Think about it
> "foreplay" implies the big show is coming, right after some preliminary action. LIKE A WARM UP can be seen by some as just playing nice to get what you relay want ,
> ...


Now getting on to your actual post. 

I understand and do not disagree with your general thesis here. It all sounds nice and romantic and the fodder of romance novels. 

But for me personally, I do see distinctions in activities going from a baseline of picking up dog poop in the yard together, to banging one out. 

I think at a baseline there is (or should be) a level of warmth and affectionate physical contact such as running a hand across the shoulders when walking by in the kitchen to a quick hug and smooch when one comes into the house after being gone for a period of time.... and just generally being warm and noticing the other's existence and being accepting and nice to each other. If a couple can't have that as a baseline, maybe they should not be together in the first place,, but that's another topic. 

From there I see flirtation as bid for giving and receiving sexual attention showing the other that you find them attractive and are interested in them sexually. this can be a "look", a wink, a flirty comment, some back and forth banter,,, just something showing that you recognize them as a sexual being and an assertion that you are a sexual being as well and that finds them attractive. 

Then there is seduction which I see as a deliberate move to redirect their headspace and attention from the regular tasks of daily living to that of something more romantic/erotic/sexual in nature. It's getting their mind off of the bills, the tv, the laundry, the political rhetorics etc etc and redirect their attention to you. 

When you have their attention (which actually can get very difficult in very long term marriages with kids and dogs and bills etc) then can come the bid for lovins or what we tend to call initiating here. That is the proposition and offer. Now this can become all jumbled up and where foreplay begins and the initiation comes can be very intertwined and convoluted. Some times you have to be engaged in pleasurable and romantic contact and such before you actually have someone's attention. 

But since your topic is foreplay, what I see as foreplay is the actual physical act with the INTENT of arousing and sexually stimulating each other. 

I see intent as the key and that it is an intentional act of physically arousing and providing sexually motivated pleasure for each other. 

You can hug and kiss when you and/or your partner comes home at the end of the day and it may be affectionate and it may be pleasant,,,, but it is not foreplay until it is done with the intent of arousal and stimulation. 

To me, my personal definition of foreplay is the intentional, physical process of becoming mutually sexually aroused and stimulated.


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## Lurkster (Feb 8, 2016)

i’m sure everyone has a different opinion, but here’s mine:

Foreplay, can start with talking, and includes kissing, and handsy touchy feely stuff.
if the handsy stuff moves to either, rubbing out an orgasm, well, that’s sex as I see it.
Oral, either way, O or not, is sex. I’s a main event for us!


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

I tend to agree with @oldshirt on foreplay, but I do understand what you are getting at. I try to always keep my wife on a low simmer. Always know I'm hot for her. Regularly throwing out bits of sexual inuendo. She knows I always want her. There is always some level of passion brewing. I'm always in the process of seducing my wife, even if the actual sex isn't going to happen until the next day. 

To me foreplay is the immediate prelude to full on sex. The activities that bring your sexual arousal to the boiling point. \

I also agree with @oldshirt about cunnilingus. That is sex, or maybe the finale of foreplay just prior to PIV sex. My wife doesn't care for it right up front and is typically when I need a breather, lol.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

What we talk about when we are bored!

Bored
-or-
Hoping a lady will reply!

Rotsa Ruck!

Too many of us already established posters have a reputation to protect.
Especially, those with boobs.

Think about it...

If a married female honestly answered what she really wanted to do and to receive in foreplay, their husbands would think they are online....sexting.

Even the single ladies would not want to share this personal information with the millions of known hound dogs on the internet...reading.

Yes, there are always exceptions.
Some ladies *openly* enjoy the banter, as much as the men.

Most, *secretly* enjoy this talk.
A few, hate it.

Such is life.



_Gwendolyn-_ from her notes.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

oldshirt said:


> But for me personally, I do see distinctions in activities going from a baseline of picking up dog poop in the yard together, to banging one out.
> 
> I think at a baseline there is (or should be) a level of warmth and affectionate physical contact such as running a hand across the shoulders when walking by in the kitchen to a quick hug and smooch when one comes into the house after being gone for a period of time.... and just generally being warm and noticing the other's existence and being accepting and nice to each other.
> 
> ...


This is a bit of a sidebar, but I think the above is where a lot of men fall down and also where we get a lot of these guys whining about their wives not initiating. 

I get the feeling a lot of these guys are try to go from picking up dog poop in the yard to asking their wives if they want to have sex to which many a wife and mother will respond with a bit of a shocked if not actually annoyed look that she is not in the mood and she may even be a bit miffed that he could be thinking of sex whilst picking up dog poop. 

These guys are trying to skip some very important parts of the process and bigger picture. 

Where it gets more convoluted is some people will not only need a baseline level of closeness and nonsexual affection and flirtation and seduction etc, but many will require a degree of foreplay and physical contact and arousal before even the thought of sexual activity can even be in their mind let alone aroused enough for actual sexual activity. 

So while I do see distinctions between flirtation and seduction and foreplay etc, the reality is they all probably ebb flow amongst each other and back and forth and is probably difficult to tell where one ends and the other begins.


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## Jimi007 (6 mo ago)

No offense , but you aren't a woman ...Such knowledge. I'm not saying your wrong but I'd rather read all of that from a woman's perspective 
..


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## romantic_dreamer (Jun 15, 2021)

It is a myth that men do not need foreplay and women do. My wife does not need any foreplay and does not even seem to like it. I in turn would like to have a foreplay, it is part i am missing in our sex life.


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## Longtime Hubby (7 mo ago)

Hi Foreplay can be many things. For us smooching while we touch each other. Sometimes, a vibe is involved. Or Not. Oral can be foreplay or the main event. Anything goes!


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

I think that the discussion is pretty good. I agree, that to me, foreplay is something that both parties recognize as a "dance" they perform with each other whereby they intentionally physically arouse each other or one arouses the other. It may be slow, fast, or have a goal of teasing and denial. That means that the goal of foreplay can be sex or it can be a tease with the hope of sex in the future.

One of the things I am a big fan of is Sensate Focus exercises. This can be sensual touch as opposed to sexual touch. It can both. It can be strictly giving, strictly receiving, or both.

I do think that so much effort is made at foreplay and at sex with not enough at aftercare. There should be a post-period when both partners hold, talk, and emotionally bond so that they develop a feeling of love, comfort, trust, and shared feelings. It should be an emotional after-action report where we share our feelings with our partner.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

romantic_dreamer said:


> It is a myth that men do not need foreplay and women do. My wife does not need any foreplay and does not even seem to like it. I in turn would like to have a foreplay, it is part i am missing in our sex life.



That’s kind of the way it is at my house too. 

I am a lot more into making out, foreplay, “other” activities than my wife. 

She has come out said that she isn’t really into foreplay.

The catch with age and menopause etc now is that she still doesn’t like foreplay that much, she NEEDS it more than back in the day. 

And I agree that it is a myth that men don’t need foreplay or to be comfortable etc 

Foreplay is still an important part of the sexual response,, they just don’t need as much duration and are ready to go in a lot shorter period of time.


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## CraigBesuden (Jun 20, 2019)

We tend to use euphemisms. “Making love,” “monogamy” for people who aren’t married, “hooking up,” and now “talking” for having sex without a relationship.

I don’t like calling oral sex “foreplay,” as it’s not foreplay. But it’s a more benign thing to say than cunnilingus, fellatio or oral sex.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Pro


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

frenchpaddy said:


> What is foreplay in your mind ?
> Is it a kiss run your hand down the others back and then moving on to undress them and start cunnilingus or BJ
> Think about it
> "foreplay" implies the big show is coming, right after some preliminary action. LIKE A WARM UP can be seen by some as just playing nice to get what you relay want ,
> ...


I'm from a generation that remembers both before and after birth control. The generation before actually did a lot of petting. It did not necessarily even involve genitals. Back then where I lived a lot of people did try to be a virgin when they got married. So for the duration of the long courtship, it was a lot of making out above the waist mostly. 

A lot of those women said the best loving they ever had was before they got married and had the honeymoon. And some were really disappointed that those days were over because they were the best days for what the women craved.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Flirty teasy and touchy... lots of touchy... and 🧛‍♂️


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

Young at Heart said:


> I do think that so much effort is made at foreplay and at sex with not enough at aftercare.


I am like many of the men here oldshirt and bigdaddy and yourself Young at heart summed up my thinking on this 

my wife mostly does not like much foreplay , loves all the type of thing big daddy talked about but often does not even want to have cunnilingus happy to give a bj but piv is what she wants most often , 

but Young brought up a good point here about aftercare this is my bad point , 90% of the time I just can't stop from going asleep and my wife has often said sex and having an O is not a sleeping pill for her


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

RandomDude said:


> Flirty teasy and touchy... lots of touchy... and 🧛‍♂️
> 
> View attachment 93029


love the photo


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

frenchpaddy said:


> I am like many of the men here oldshirt and bigdaddy and yourself Young at heart summed up my thinking on this
> 
> my wife mostly does not like much foreplay , loves all the type of thing big daddy talked about but often does not even want to have cunnilingus happy to give a bj but piv is what she wants most often ,
> 
> but Young brought up a good point here about aftercare this is my bad point , 90% of the time I just can't stop from going asleep and my wife has often said sex and having an O is not a sleeping pill for her


Same here. After a good session we cuddle and I'm out in under a minute. Not the case for my wife. It can actually energize her.


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## Marsh_Mallow* (2 mo ago)

oldshirt said:


> I want to talk about this specifically more a moment as this can be a point of contention between the boys and the girls.
> 
> Many men think of oral sex as foreplay since it is what turns them on and gets them aroused and stimulated.
> 
> ...


Very well said! And interesting 🧐


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## BoSlander (6 mo ago)

It's all personal. I've had girlfriends that needed half hour of foreplay before anything happened. My XW was stroking my "love injector" within seconds of commencing the act. 

I think some girls really love to get penetrated and that those that do, tend to need barely any foreplay.


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## Tony Conrad (Oct 7, 2013)

Lurkster said:


> i’m sure everyone has a different opinion, but here’s mine:
> 
> Foreplay, can start with talking, and includes kissing, and handsy touchy feely stuff.
> if the handsy stuff moves to either, rubbing out an orgasm, well, that’s sex as I see it.
> Oral, either way, O or not, is sex. I’s a main event for us!


The older I get the more I enjoy the foreplay even if there is no PIV sex. It's all sex whatever you do. People like different things.


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