# When the thrill is gone!



## hopetobehappy (Sep 2, 2013)

Hi , this is my first post on here but ive been lurking around this site for some time now. Been with my husband for 16 years and married going on 3 years. Before we were married we had alot of break ups but always seemed to work it out. Our break ups would always manifest from his cheating and not wanting to commit, he has always known that i wanted to marry him. After all we been through together over the years , i always took him back. His reason for cheating was always my fault that i didnt want to have sex all time, so he got his needs from somewhere else. 

I was very insecure of me over those years and always felt like if i lost him i wouldnt get anyone else, you see i was over 100 pounds over weight so that had alot to do with my insecurities. Well, finally i started to focus more on me and my kids and lost over 100 pounds in a year. My self esteem came back and i found a new person mentally in me although i still had love for this man. After the weight loss, he finally proposed to me and wanted to get married right away. Being the fool that i had been for so long i was truly happy that he finally came to his senses not realizing that i believe my weight loss had impacted his decision although he never said that. 

He has always said that he loved me no matter what but before marriage he treated me wrong. I do love my husband with all my heart and want to stay married , but sometimes i feel like we were never meant to be and he just wanted to marry me because i lost the weight and he knew he would lose me to someone else with my new weight,attitude (etc) 

This last year has been really hard for both of us, my husbands sex drive is very high , always have been thats the reason he would cheat on me before we were married. Yes, i understand that a wife's duty is to please her husband and i really do want to but here lately i have had no desire to be with him sexually as much as he wants to. If he could get sex 7 days a week he would love it, me im good 2 or 3 times a week if that. I'm no longer in love with him but the love i have for him is different then when we first met before all the BS started. We fight all the time about sex , if he does not get it he turns into a monster. Yells,screams, call me every 5 minutes on the phone when he's at work, sending text messages all the time. 

At one point in our marriage , i was very attracted to him and we had alot more sex , but then i found out that even though i was giving it to him all the time i would find him on porn sites everyday on the computer. I truly believe that this man has some issues such as personality disorder, because he can change in a flash. Its so hard for me to get that same attraction back for him that i once had because of the way he acts. He's disrespectful to me in front of family and friends and everyone always ask me why did you marry him, he's a jerk. 

I really dont want to stay in a marriage where im always walking on eggshells so he dose not throw a fit but here lately i like to keep the peace around my kids. His attitude and out of control anger problems make me not attracted to him. Does that sound normal for any of you?? I keep telling him, how can i give you sex all the time when i'm angry with him or some days he sends me text messages while im at work making me a nervous wreck, feels like im going to throw up because my stomach is upset with some of the things he says to me in the text messages. I just dont know what to do anymore, i try and talk to him and tell him my reasons why im not in the mood but all he does is turn it into an argument. 

I'm sorry this is so long and it's not even the whole story , i needed to vent. 
Thanks for listening


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## MrK (Sep 2, 2010)

Leave him.


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## northernlights (Sep 23, 2012)

hopetobehappy said:


> We fight all the time about sex , if he does not get it he turns into a monster. Yells,screams, call me every 5 minutes on the phone when he's at work, sending text messages all the time.


This is the part that makes me most nervous. People like this can get much, much worse very quickly. You didn't mention physical violence, so that's a really good sign, but this is definitely verbal abuse. 

You should make contact with the battered woman's group in your area and get their advice before leaving him. Just in case he does escalate the abuse when you leave, you want to have a plan in place and be prepared. 

Good luck to you. This is no way to live, for you or your kids.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

> If he could get sex 7 days a week he would love it, me im good 2 or 3 times a week if that.


2 or 3 times a week is pretty normal for couples who have been together a long time. If not having sex 7 times a week is your H's excuse for cheating and turning into a raging lunatic, OP, this doesn't leave a lot of room for compromise...

Do you really want to spend the rest of your life with someone like this? Personally, I would have been long gone.


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## MissFroggie (Sep 3, 2013)

Honey, this is not just verbal abuse it is also sexual abuse. He cheats on you after agreeing to monogamy, he pressurises you for sex and he criticises you sexually. This is a truly abusive relationship and you really need to get out. Northernlights puts it well in the post above. Get support, advice and help before you deal with leaving and make sure you have a plan in place. Do it quickly because these kinds of things can escalate fast. You and your children need to be away from him to be safe. He doesn't respect or care for you and no matter how much he says he will change he will not. If he says that he is just trying to get you back in his control again and it will start up again and escalate fast. Be safe and get out, thoughts with you and your children xx


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## a_new_me (Dec 27, 2012)

Run.


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## heyitsruss (Sep 8, 2013)

Lose your other dead weight (husband)..weight loss is no easy task, so if you don't think you can't leave him just remember how strong you were during your weight loss


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