# Increasing her libido



## lostsoul_2017 (Aug 1, 2017)

So, we have been married for almost a year however in the last month or so we have had serious problems and almost came to a divorce but now reconciling which is great. In fact we are moving in together again (we almost have...just now waiting on some of her things to be moved later this week).

Our sex life has been great but because of this traumatic time, it has been non existent.

we moved into our new place last week and we did have good sex for sure but after that, she turned me down (unusual but ok, I feel rejected...) and then nothing after that. Even just talking to get some arousal results in nothing from her and I don't understand why. Maybe she needs to get more of her strength or libido back?

She shouldn't be stressed or anything because used to, her work made her stressed but we always had sex and has been great, and a good relief for her but now she has decided to not work for a while (I can support both of us)... and she also said a while ago when we started to talk again that yes, there will be more times for activity.

what natural remedies/ drops can you recommend for her to take to get her aroused more or increase her sex drive? I just miss her a lot and our fun sessions. It's not always been about sex but the LOVE part too. I ask if there is anything I can do better or different she has said no, she has enjoyed it. I recently started to go down on her and she was surprised but loves it... admittedly, I love it too. It's something I never did or tried but didn't like it but with her, i love going down on her. I don't know if its because of our recent upset/fall out but she has not gone down on me which is again, odd, since she told me in the beginning that she wants me to also insinuate rather than her all the time and I started doing so.

Anyway - what things can I buy for her to increase her drive?


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

There's no magic pill or drops. I don't know what you're R-ing from but it can take a while to get the trust and comfort back after a seperation which will lead to lost drive.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

lostsoul_2017 said:


> .....
> 
> what natural remedies/ drops can you recommend for her to take to get her aroused more or increase her sex drive? I just miss her a lot and our fun sessions. It's not always been about sex but the LOVE part too. I ask if there is anything I can do better or different she has said no, she has enjoyed it. I recently started to go down on her and she was surprised but loves it... admittedly, I love it too. It's something I never did or tried but didn't like it but with her, i love going down on her. I don't know if its because of our recent upset/fall out but she has not gone down on me which is again, odd, since she told me in the beginning that she wants me to also insinuate rather than her all the time and I started doing so.
> 
> Anyway - what things can I buy for her to increase her drive?


You are approaching this all wrong. She is your wife. You can't and should not try to change her. You married her because of who she is and because of who she is, she married you.

May I suggest you get a copy of Glover's book No More Mr. Nice Guy. It is a book written to advise men who have been raised by women, had women teachers and authority figures in their lives on how to stop feeling you need a woman's validation. Many men are clingly and needy lovers who need their wife's sexuality to make them feel validated as a man. These men are called Nice Guys.

If that is your problem, Glover will tell you how to "Get a Life" and become a better more integrated man who does things that bring him happiness and that pride in who he is. Women find such integrated men much more sexy than Nice Guys.

Again, only your wife can change herself. Over the counter supplements are likely not to be appreciated by your wife. She is your wife. Tell her about your desires. If necessary, sign the two of you up for marriage counseling as you should not be having these kinds of issues this early in your marriage.

Good luck.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

You have both been through a hard time and the marriage nearly ended. Many women need to feel secure and loved to enjoy sex, she clearly doesn't feel that yet, which isn't surprising. Give it a few months.


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## lostsoul_2017 (Aug 1, 2017)

I agree about the marriage almost ended but then why did she "Come on" to me last week which resulted in intimacy?

You have no idea the type of person I am (I don't mean that in a bad way or an arrogant way). I am pretty self aware, always a person who improves themselves via reflection and constructive criticism and have ALOT of life experience and how people are. I just get mixed signals from her and not sure what to do or say because if I do or say anything... I get hammered down (unfairly) and she won't see it 

point I am making is that, we are of course wanting to move forward and she said this too. I just want to help however I can, by whatever means.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

She might have come on to you just because she was horny, or it might have been some hysterical bonding. But it might also have been because she knows that a functional sexual relationship is necessary for you two to reconcile, and so she felt like she should. But for right now, I think that sex with you maybe isn't something she spontaneously wants, but rather something she has to think about and maybe psyche herself up for. That happens when the love and caring, and particularly the trust and security, in the relationship has been damaged or destroyed. 

Many women need to feel emotionally connected to their partner in order to want sex. You say that the two of you have been going through a rough time and have apparently recently been separated. It's likely that the emotional connection she needs with you simply isn't there right now. Depending on the issues in the marriage, and how well the two of you address them, that connection and her sexual feelings toward you may or may not return. 

You haven't mentioned the nature of the, apparently very serious, problems in your marriage. What concrete steps are you two taking to actually fix the issues and heal the marriage?

ETA: There are no drops or supplements that will "fix" your wife or her libido. And suggesting that she take something for that purpose will likely come across to her as very disrespectful of her feelings. I'm going to suggest that you read the books _Lovebusters _and _His Needs, Her Needs_, both by Willard Harley. They might help you two figure out how to stop hurting one another and how to meet one another's emotional needs. Fixing the problems in your relationship will do more to turn your wife on than any herbs or pills.


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## lostsoul_2017 (Aug 1, 2017)

Well if she was horny then am I not allowed to be horny and do the same? We are married after all... One rule for her, one rule for me? Fairness much?


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

She asked that you initiate more, when you do what happens? How do you initiate?


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

lostsoul_2017 said:


> Well if she was horny then am I not allowed to be horny and do the same? We are married after all... One rule for her, one rule for me? Fairness much?


You had the option to turn her down when she initiated. She has the option to turn you down when you initiate. Marriage is an agreement to share a sexual relationship, but it still requires mutual consent. And the fact that she's not 100% up for sex on your timetable shouldn't surprise you, since your marriage is in such apparently dire straits. 

Why did you two separate?


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## lostsoul_2017 (Aug 1, 2017)

ok, thanks for the help. Just seems people want to be really nosey and then pick a fight or blame and judge - I see where this is headed and really is not what I was asking in the first instance either.
I also stated that we both want to move forward and essentially blossom more, reconnect, rekindle and such. 

Thanks.


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## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

The more things change the more they stay the same.

Know you know the meaning of that statement.

Maybe divorce would have been best!


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## lostsoul_2017 (Aug 1, 2017)

see? And so it begins. very supportive....


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## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

lostsoul_2017 said:


> see? And so it begins. very supportive....


Hmm,

Well maybe start dating eachother again. No sex just get to know if theres a spark left or rekindled.

If you don't enjoy eachother company without the prospect of sex then there nothing left in the relationship.

Do you enjoy your wifes company? Or just tollorate it because you might get a peice of poontang?

Your attitude is poor and whiny and not very sexy maybe thats part of the problem


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## YummyMummy (Sep 14, 2017)

I would spend some time talking with her. In a comfortable environment where she is content perhaps.. Ask her about her desires.. pay attention to what or how she says them. Then go in and be attentive.. do the things she said she likes. It may take time, but good things are worth waiting for . 
If she feels she's having more than mental blockage maybe she can get her hormone levels checked.


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## Spitfire (Jun 6, 2015)

It usually comes down to you not meeting her "needs". Since she quit her job and you are comfortably supporting both of you, her need must not be financial security or excessive free time lol. You can chase your tail trying to figure out what her needs are but even if she tells you what they are expect a moving target. I would suggest saying "At this point MY needs are not being met. I need sexual intimacy to feel connected to you. Are there needs of yours that I'm not meeting?" If things don't improve through communication you'll end up in a roommate situation at which time I'd suggest she get a job to pay her half of the bills.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Looks like you agreed to reconcile prematurely. 


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

lostsoul_2017 said:


> *what natural remedies*/ drops *can you recommend* for her to take *to get her aroused more or increase her sex drive?*


Look @lostsoul_2017 everyone will tell you that no such thing exists and perhaps poke fun at you for asking... but here is the answer you are looking for:










It is not something for her to take (it is edible), but you just start gradually pouring it all over your spouse and yourself. Don't do anything else, as the coconut oil will just begin working magic all on its own. If you are not getting the results you want, just keep adding ample amounts until you achieve the desired results.

Badsanta


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

lostsoul_2017 said:


> So, we have been married for almost a year however in the last month or so we have had serious problems and almost came to a divorce but now reconciling which is great. In fact we are moving in together again (we almost have...just now waiting on some of her things to be moved later this week).
> 
> Our sex life has been great but because of this traumatic time, it has been non existent.
> 
> ...




When married, you are not your own anymore. That means she takes care of your needs as her own and you take care of her needs as your own.


Marriage is 50 / 50.


Marriage means you learn and grow together instead of I'm not changing for anyone and you should of married me for me, etc. That's very selfish and not what marriage is about.


Unfortunately there isn't anything you can do to get her in the mood. For some reasons, she isn't into sex much and is fine with that, regardless how it effects you and the marriage.


Does that sound like a loving wife?


You allowed her to quit her job and are paying all the monthly expenses? Wow.


What is she doing in return?


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## 23cm (Dec 3, 2016)

Cha-Ching! Look in the mirror. Do you see a cash register? 
She does.
You pay, but no play?

Stop reconciliation.
Find a better woman.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

lostsoul_2017 said:


> So, we have been married for almost a year however in the last month or so we have had serious problems and almost came to a divorce but now reconciling which is great. In fact we are moving in together again (we almost have...just now waiting on some of her things to be moved later this week).


What specifically were these problems? Was she involved with another man?


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## David51 (Sep 12, 2017)

lostsoul_2017 said:


> So, we have been married for almost a year however in the last month or so we have had serious problems and almost came to a divorce but now reconciling which is great. In fact we are moving in together again (we almost have...just now waiting on some of her things to be moved later this week).
> 
> 
> 
> ...




Unless I misread your posting it sounds like she wanted you back and gave you sex to achieve that goal. Now she has you back so no need to now give you sex. I am betting that your marriage was in trouble because of a lack of sex. Married 1 yr and sex problems? How old are you two, how long did you date prior to marriage? How experienced are you, was she your first, were you her first? These questions would help just not enough information....need mor info



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