# If you had to do it over again?



## Marriedwithdogs (Jan 29, 2015)

Or God forbid your spouse died prematurely;

What would you look for in a mate?

For me it would be;

Someone who likes to get out of the house and do things

Someone who is patient and not quick to anger

Someone who realizes the importance of family and looks for creative ways to spend time together.

Someone who likes to cook, and doesn't consider domestic tasks 'feminizing'

Someone who has a real relationship with God, and is a Godly example to his family.


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## MpandaS (Feb 4, 2015)

Someone who tries to be kind and respectful to everyone, but most importantly to their family.

Someone who is patient and not quick to temper as well.

Someone who loves to do outdoor activities.

Someone who values doing or receiving "the little things" in a relationship.

Someone who like horror movies!!


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening all

Someone who is happy by nature, even when things go wrong.

Someone I enjoy talking to

Someone who is willing to put effort into making our lives better.

Someone with shared interests, where there are lots of things we can do together.

Someone tough enough that she doesn't need me but still wants me.

Someone who can live with her own flaws and with mine

Someone trusting and trustworthy

Someone who's sexual interests are compatible with mine.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

an orphan with no kids and a huge sex drive....LOL


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Someone with a lot of money.


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## Giro flee (Mar 12, 2013)

God forbid my husband dies early, I don't even like to type that out😮. I won't date or look for another mate at all. I just can't even fathom finding anybody as wonderful as my H, nor would I want to go through the dating process.


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## Diesel_Bomber (Mar 17, 2013)

No. I'd buy a motorcycle and enjoy my freedom.


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## Marriedwithdogs (Jan 29, 2015)

Diesel_Bomber said:


> No. I'd buy a motorcycle and enjoy my freedom.


I once had a girls weekend, which lasted 4 days. The freedom was nice and the lack of responsibility alluring. However by the third day I became lonely and missed my family. I imagine I'd like the freedom at first but then I'd yearn for companionship!


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## neglected42 (Aug 11, 2014)

Someone who is kind hearted, gentle and even tempered.

Someone who has a happy disposition and is intelligent and motivated.

At least one shared interest would be nice...reading, gardening, fishing, biking, yoga, (exercise of any type), any one of these would be a nice bonus.

Likes to have fun and laugh

Doesn't mind the occasional drink, but alcohol is not major part of his life.

(List is pretty long....perhaps a little unreasonable)


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## MarriedDude (Jun 21, 2014)

Marriedwithdogs said:


> Or God forbid your spouse died prematurely;
> 
> What would you look for in a mate?


I have a heck of a list...but knowing myself like I do. I would spend the rest of my days missing her and seeing her face everywhere. 

Exactly what she wouldn't want me to do.


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

Someone who is decent and dependable.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Giro flee said:


> God forbid my husband dies early, I don't even like to type that out😮. I won't date or look for another mate at all. I just can't even fathom finding anybody as wonderful as my H, nor would I want to go through the dating process.


I can't either  I can't even go there 

I wouldn't marry again or look for a partner, I doubt I could ever find someone as wonderful as my darling hubby. I'd throw myself into our little person, and help her mother raise her (he's made me her guardian in his will, so I basically assume his role if he were to pass away) and the memories I've made with DH would be all I'd need.


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

Diesel_Bomber said:


> No. I'd buy a motorcycle and enjoy my freedom.


Orrrrrrrrrrrr..... buy a motorcycle now and enjoy it TOGETHER! 

We have great times on the bike. Short rides just to feel the sunshine, long rides with friends for the companionship, a real long ride (from Texas to Chicago) just for the adventure.... plus, he goes off doing guy rides now and then. Win/win!!!:smthumbup:


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Marriedwithdogs said:


> Or God forbid your spouse died prematurely;
> 
> What would you look for in a mate?


My husband dropped dead at 57; he would have been 58 in July. Not exactly an old guy, but I suppose not young either.

What would I look for in a mate? Wow. More than I can say. 

Why? Because, in the beginning, I had a darned good husband. He loved to shop for groceries, prep dinner, cook dinner, and even clean up right after dinner.

Is that the only thing he did? Nope. Not by a long shot. He helped with the house cleaning. He enjoyed having spirited political debates during dinner. We usually ate by candle light.

He didn't understand my love of NFL. But he tolerated it. I didn't understand his love for marathon running. But I tolerated it.

Tolerated it? Probably not the correct wording, although it seems appropriate now. 

If I had to do it again, I would have walked out seven years before I did. He was a hardcore alcoholic, although he maintained a profession. Civil engineers who are licensed P.E.'s aren't exactly that easy to find. He survived in his career so long because of his spectacular credentials.

Again? I wouldn't have married him. He wasn't going to change.

I had to change.

Someone who can enjoy ONE glass of wine.

Someone who can laugh at his own shortcomings and foibles.

Someone who can realize that worrying about everything doesn't solve anything.

Someone who doesn't have to make a freakin' spreadsheet for every single detail in life (although it IS helping me settle his estate...).

Someone who can see the lighter side of life, even when life gets heavy.

Someone who can appreciate me for who I am, warts and all.


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## jdawg2015 (Feb 12, 2015)

Where I screwed up in my 20 year marriage was always put her and daughter first until it hit me that I resented the feeling of someone who never had MY back.

She would complain even when I was doing something for her. Totally taken for granted.

Largest issue was although we were compatible in lot of areas, I was into sports and her idea of fun was only to read and watch TV.

So:
1. Someone who is compatible in interests
2. Someone who has my back (I felt unloved and unsupported)


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## jacko jack (Feb 19, 2015)

Someone who does not lie

Someone with equal intelligence

Someone who appreciated me and themselves

Someone with equal finance

Someone without a chip on there shoulder

Someone comfortable with there own body image

Someone who did not want a free ride

Someone who could drive

Someone with a higher sex drive than me


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## Adeline (Jan 24, 2014)

Some who wants to get out of the house and do things would definitely be on my list as well. They want to travel, get involved in things outside of work, be active outside of work. Always looking for something local to engage in. Wants to give back to community.

Someone who enjoys talking about deeper and philosophical matters in life. Can carry on great conversation, and WANTS to.

Someone who really invests in their friends, and makes you apart of their circle.

Someone who is a leader and not prone to anger as a response.

Someone who isn't hung up on schedules and perfection.

Someone who feels family and friends come before work.

Someone who never takes sex for granted.

And some qualities that my current husband does possess that would still be on my list; confidence, skilled at many physically demanding things, enjoys many "manly" activities, financially responsible.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening tacoma
I understand and agree with wanting enough money for a comfortable life. OTOH, I know a few quite wealthy people - some a great people, others are utterly obnoxious. 

My financial situation has improved a lot in the last few years. Its surprising how little effect its had on my happiness. You quickly get used to better cars, better food, nicer hotels. 



tacoma said:


> Someone with a lot of money.


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## woundedwarrior (Dec 9, 2011)

If I somehow changed my mind and got my faith in marriage back, I would definitely like to find someone that put marriage first, enjoyed making it better and stronger and agreeing that you don't just do it and leave it on autopilot. Someone that really wants to grow closer with each day and never becomes selfish.
Fantasies are better than reality sadly.


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## ChargingCharlie (Nov 14, 2012)

Someone who acted their age and didn't think that swearing and belching, and overall acting like a pre-teen, are endearing.

Someone that didn't have a sister (no offense to sisters on here, but my dumbass, drama queen SIL is the biggest PITA)

Someone that was secure in themselves

Someone that enjoys sex and doesn't view it as a necessary chore to be done every other anniversary - also someone who doesn't mind changing things up (visiting each other in the shower, trying different places and positions). Also someone that doesn't look on sex as messy and too much work. 

Someone that takes care of themselves - don't have to be a fitness freak (that's almost as bad), but someone who tries to keep in shape and doesn't drink diet soda all day and night (and wonders why they always have headaches)

Someone that I like being around and didn't look forward to her leaving to go out with friends

Someone who knows what's going on in the world 

Someone who can let me watch the game in peace and not try to talk to me (I prefer to just watch the game in peace, have always been this way) nor drop f-bombs every play

Someone that isn't lazy and finds excuses not to do things around the house because she's just too tired (but can find time to make sure that her iPad game is going strong)


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Someone very much like my wife in personality, values and attitudes (compatibility), but who looks completely different and has different endearing quirks (it would be upsetting if someone else were too similar).


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## thenub (Oct 3, 2014)

One that doesn't take too long to inflate


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

Nice to see the men chiming in. Like many I'm thinking the cabin in the woods beats a second try. But Patience, and a large lingerie collection would help change my mind.


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## yeah_right (Oct 23, 2013)

I love my husband dearly but I would never get married again. No way, no how. I'd date occasionally as the need arises, but I have my own financial security and kids are grown. Why would I want to wash another man's dirty undies without a lifetime of shared memories?

On second thought, I might marry a wealthy gay man. I think we'd have fun!


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

Marriedwithdogs said:


> Or God forbid your spouse died prematurely;
> 
> What would you look for in a mate?


I would be so screwwed. Yes my wife has faults but I think she'd be a hard act to follow. At least based on what I personally need in a spouse she'd be hard to follow. I might just be done with companionship if she goes first.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

tacoma said:


> Someone with a lot of money.



No need for that - life insurance


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## Curse of Millhaven (Feb 16, 2013)

If I had it to do over again... I wouldn't.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

If something happened to my H.. the void would be so vast... like a Grand Canyon emotionally..... I am not sure I would ever recover from the loss.. we are very close, intertwined... but I'm not one who would enjoy being alone.. so I would search... 

And be looking for the same qualities that I have always known ...what I am compatible with..... a man who is geared high in physical touch & time, on the sentimental side ....a dry sense of humor, yet a devious side others don't often see...honest to a fault...loves the country , the simple things in life.....naturally laid back ...appreciative attitude.. a man who feels making love is the highlight of his day.. 

A man with Heart....stable minded ..who enjoys watching movies...easy to talk to...conversation is HUGE for me, to share our day.. simple as it may be... not the partying type but "family man" type.. older fashioned .... 

To find all that again.. it would never happen... he can't die on me!


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

I wouldn't marry again, pretty much for the same reasons as Yeah Right stated above. There are also financial reasons why I would not. There are things I want to go to my children not to a 2nd husband. I would date or have a significant other but no marriage.


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## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

No way... Wouldn't even bother trying, in my current situation. The only reason - it would not be fair to expect a woman to be a mother to my disabled son.


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## jdawg2015 (Feb 12, 2015)

thenub said:


> One that doesn't take too long to inflate


Best quote on TAM:smthumbup:

God help women if us men ever figure out a replacement for the vagina.


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## Zouz (May 28, 2014)

Giro flee said:


> God forbid my husband dies early, I don't even like to type that out😮. I won't date or look for another mate at all. I just can't even fathom finding anybody as wonderful as my H, nor would I want to go through the dating process.


Wow !, Lucky him ; if this is what you will do for him if he dies ,

I bet you are doing a lot now ; 

I hope he is worth it ....


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## Zouz (May 28, 2014)

It would be :

-Someone normal , who laugh .cry , feels and care .
-Sleeps no more than 10 hours a day ..
-Someone whom I just don't need to explain a lot when Things are bad.
-Someone who doesn't trade sex for services


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## AVR1962 (May 30, 2012)

Someone who can own his own feelings and take responsibility for them.

Someone who likes to be active in nature, hiking and living a good healthy life-style.

Financially responsible but does not have to account for every penny.

Someone who realizes how important intimacy is and can hug and kiss without him thinking we only kiss and hug if sex is attached.

Honesty, open with communication.

Faithful and committed to the marriage.


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## Marriedwithdogs (Jan 29, 2015)

soccermom2three said:


> I wouldn't marry again, pretty much for the same reasons as Yeah Right stated above. There are also financial reasons why I would not. There are things I want to go to my children not to a 2nd husband. I would date or have a significant other but no marriage.



Maybe I'm being morbid, but the thought of dying without a partner by my side is scary. When I see couples who have been married 50+ yrs and are each others everything in their last yrs... it's just deep. I love the institution Of marriage, so if we ever got divorced or he died, I would want to get married again. I have my kids too but they'll be off living life and raising their own families.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Someone who can be faithful


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Someone super educated, super intelligent, super good looking, and super decent earning.

Not 

No do-over for this old hulk...


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

Marriedwithdogs said:


> Maybe I'm being morbid, but the thought of dying without a partner by my side is scary. When I see couples who have been married 50+ yrs and are each others everything in their last yrs... it's just deep. I love the institution Of marriage, so if we ever got divorced or he died, I would want to get married again. I have my kids too but they'll be off living life and raising their own families.


Well I did say I would have a SO, I just wouldn't legally marry.


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## yeah_right (Oct 23, 2013)

Marriedwithdogs said:


> Maybe I'm being morbid, but the thought of dying without a partner by my side is scary. When I see couples who have been married 50+ yrs and are each others everything in their last yrs... it's just deep. I love the institution Of marriage, so if we ever got divorced or he died, I would want to get married again. I have my kids too but they'll be off living life and raising their own families.


This would be nice, but I would want it to be with the man who was there with me when I was young and stupid, who ate ramen with me when we were poor, who held my hair when I had pregnancy barf, who had meaningful debates with me while one of us was on the toilet, who cried together when a family member died, who cried together when the kids graduated, who compared new wrinkles and shared thousands of inside jokes and memories, good and bad, etc, etc, etc.

Frankly, I can make lists all day long, but there is only one man who fits the bill. If we are separated by divorce or death, the most I can expect is nice companionship. To me, that's not worth sacrificing my freedom (emotional and financial) for marriage.

I totally respect those who would want to remarry...it's just not for me. And I always tell my husband that he would need to remarry immediately lest he starve to death or get some creepy infection from running out of toilet paper.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Someone who is

Comfortable in his own skin, with no hangups or addictions
- intelligent 
- has the same interests as me
- passionate about his life
- not afraid to be spontaneous
- sense of humour
- own money
- same faith as me
- loves dogs


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Well I would never be able to replace him as he is unique but if it were to happen I would go for a similar model but without the crazy ex wife.


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

Joking aside, if I lost my SO for any reason, I would live alone for the rest of my days. I'm content in this decision. It's what I was planning on originally after my divorce, but my SO had other plans.


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## MarriedDude (Jun 21, 2014)

SimplyAmorous said:


> *If something happened to my H.. the void would be so vast... like a Grand Canyon emotionally..... I am not sure I would ever recover from the loss.. we are very close, intertwined... but I'm not one who would enjoy being alone.. so I would search... *
> 
> *To find all that again.. it would never happen... he can't die on me!*


That's my problem as well. I don't quite know how I would recover...I don't have her on a pedestal by any means..that's not what I mean at all. Just the shared history..the connection runs so deep. I don't think I could have that more than once in a lifetime. 

It would be cruel to some future woman to put her in the position of forever being compared to my baby...and doubtfully ever measuring up. 

That being said....I would probably still be chasing tattoo'd chicks with bad attitudes and large breasts. because, well, I'm still me after all.


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