# Attracted to my husbands friend



## womanmarried

Hi everyone,

I have been attracted to my husband's friend for 5 months, he used to come to our house to visit us. He is very attractive and cool. 
There was not flirting of both of us, it was just inside me. I started thinking aout him and wish he could come more often just to see and enjoy conversation. I started wishing he should have been my husband not the one I have now.

I felt band and I finally told my husband and we agreed that he will meet him away from home. No home visit anymore. My husband was happy and I felt relieved.

I am just curious.
Have any woman in this forum been attracted to husband or boyfriend's friend?
Did you fantasize about them? What was your story?
How did you handle it?


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## [email protected]

Yep I have but you ar really bold I never revealed it my husband has quite the ego he would have never been able to handle that kind of info without distrusting me and his friend....


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## ScarletBegonias

WOW way to go confessing to your husband and working out a way to remove temptation!!If only more women would nip these attractions before they turn into something bigger.

When I was married I never wished someone else was my husband.I thought other men were attractive but it went no further than thinking someone was cute or handsome.


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## womanmarried

I am not that bold [email protected], is just I was worried that it might be discoverd one day and blew the whole marriage.How was your story about it?

Scarlet, I know it was far beyond and that is why I confessed. At the time you were attracted to other men, did you fantasize about them?


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## ScarletBegonias

no.no fantasizing.if I was ever tempted to fantasize,I used that energy to be more loving toward my husband.


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## dymo

womanmarried said:


> I am not that bold [email protected], is just I was worried that it might be discoverd one day and blew the whole marriage.How was your story about it?


We have a large and active infidelity forum because too many women had your experience, but did not put a stop to things. Many lack the willpower. Many lack the awareness to realize what is happening, and how it will affect the people they love. Many stop thinking rationally and throw their marriages away. When tested, many didn't have the morals they thought they did.

You may not think what you did was special, and it isn't. Or it shouldn't be. It's what all spouses should do in that situation. But too many don't. What you did should be applauded.


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## COguy

Woman, you are a hero. I applaud your courage to discuss this with your husband.


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## jane1213

wow this is soo brave ! Well done!


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## gbrad

I wonder how often this really does happen. Probably a lot more often than is found out.


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## Chelle D

I think you let an attraction become an obsession & it was good to talk about it to your hubs.

Sure, my husband has friends who are attractive. Both some *******s who are only physically attractive, but I generally don't hang around hubby when they are over, because I don't like their attitudes. And some who have great personalities, who are somewhat attractive.

However, am I "attracted TO them"?? No. Can't help you on that one.


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## donny64

womanmarried said:


> Hi everyone,
> 
> I have been attracted to my husband's friend for 5 months, he used to come to our house to visit us. He is very attractive and cool.
> There was not flirting of both of us, it was just inside me. I started thinking aout him and wish he could come more often just to see and enjoy conversation. I started wishing he should have been my husband not the one I have now.
> 
> I felt band and I finally told my husband and we agreed that he will meet him away from home. No home visit anymore. My husband was happy and I felt relieved.
> 
> I am just curious.
> Have any woman in this forum been attracted to husband or boyfriend's friend?
> Did you fantasize about them? What was your story?
> How did you handle it?


Sounds like a solid marriage. You admitted an attraction, and he understood and did not make you "pay" for it. Good job on both your parts.

Nice pumping of the brakes!


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## working_together

Never....my ex's friends were never on my list of attractive people. 

Good for you to share that. It must have hurt him a bit though.


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## jfv

womanmarried said:


> Hi everyone,
> 
> I have been attracted to my husband's friend for 5 months, he used to come to our house to visit us. He is very attractive and cool.
> There was not flirting of both of us, it was just inside me. I started thinking aout him and wish he could come more often just to see and enjoy conversation. I started wishing he should have been my husband not the one I have now.
> 
> I felt band and I finally told my husband and we agreed that he will meet him away from home. No home visit anymore. My husband was happy and I felt relieved.
> 
> I am just curious.
> Have any woman in this forum been attracted to husband or boyfriend's friend?
> Did you fantasize about them? What was your story?
> How did you handle it?


I hope your husband appreciates how often the spouse does nothing about it and allows it to get out of control. His spouse did the opposite. Good for you. Keep those lines of communication wide open.


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## Miss Taken

Not my ex's friend but his brother's friend is very attractive. I never told my ex that I thought so but I also never let that build into an infatuation. To me it was like looking at Brad Pitt, (just an example - not necessarily my taste) and not noticing that he's a beautiful man - of course you notice but it's what you do about it that matters.

I think it was very cool of you to tell your husband and even cooler that he didn't overreact and blow things out of proportion. It sounds like you have a good marriage!


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## womanmarried

Hi all,
thanks for you applauds and your inputs 

I thinks it is very common to be attracted to someone else other than your husband or wife, but it how to handle it.

more stories ?


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## Dad&Hubby

womanmarried said:


> Hi all,
> thanks for you applauds and your inputs
> 
> I thinks it is very common to be attracted to someone else other than your husband or wife, but it how to handle it.
> 
> more stories ?


I'm curious about this. I've never developed feelings for any of my wife's friends, my female friends etc. I've found other women attractive, but if I remotely see myself developing even the slightest "interest" I shut that down internally IMMEDIATELY.

I don't know if I'm abnormal or if this is a technique others can use, but being aware who and to what degree you're attracted to someone I believe is critical in keeping your home life as good as possible.


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## Chelle D

I agree.. you just shut it off. 
You decide to think about someone/something else. If you cannot talk normally with him when he comes & visits your husband, and find yourself overthinking about him after he's left. Then, you pull out an old wedding album. You start purposely thinking of your hubby. And the next time that friend comes over, you stay out of the conversation & let your hubby have social time without input from you. 

Anytime there is more than just "hmmm... that guy is pretty good looking".. and the thoughts/feelings feel like they could go deeper, immediately occupy your mind with something else. A book to read, a movie, Balance your checkbook. Then start thinking about how you want to look for your hubby next time he sees you.. etc, focus your thoughts on doing things for your mate.


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## COguy

Chelle D said:


> I agree.. you just shut it off.
> You decide to think about someone/something else. If you cannot talk normally with him when he comes & visits your husband, and find yourself overthinking about him after he's left. Then, you pull out an old wedding album. You start purposely thinking of your hubby. And the next time that friend comes over, you stay out of the conversation & let your hubby have social time without input from you.
> 
> Anytime there is more than just "hmmm... that guy is pretty good looking".. and the thoughts/feelings feel like they could go deeper, immediately occupy your mind with something else. A book to read, a movie, Balance your checkbook. Then start thinking about how you want to look for your hubby next time he sees you.. etc, focus your thoughts on doing things for your mate.


I think what WM did is far superior. I mean deflection works once or twice, but after that they become forbidden fruit. And the more you try to STOP thinking about them, the more they will invade your thoughts.

By verbalizing it and being open and honest, you completely remove the power of it, and you allow your SO to step in as well. It's awkward and difficult, but I think by far the best solution.


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## AlphaHalf

Don't flip out if your Husband finds another women more attractive then you.


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## shenox

anyways you did the right thing. I mean talk about it with your husband and got a solutions.


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## Drover

Why did you feel the need to tell your husband? What about this scared you? Why did you feel like you needed to stop thinking about him? I'm not sure why you're uncomfortable with just keeping this as a fantasy? Everyone has fantasies. I'd just keep those thoughts where they belong - under control.


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## ScarletBegonias

Drover said:


> Why did you feel the need to tell your husband? What about this scared you? Why did you feel like you needed to stop thinking about him? I'm not sure why you're uncomfortable with just keeping this as a fantasy? Everyone has fantasies. I'd just keep those thoughts where they belong - under control.


i was under the impression she shared bc she wasn't able to keep it under control and didn't want it going further. i think she should be applauded for recognizing a weakness and seeking help from her spouse to put a stop to it before it became something bigger than just a fantasy.


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## Drover

ScarletBegonias said:


> i was under the impression she shared bc she wasn't able to keep it under control...


Why not? She's an adult. How much self-control does it really take to decide not to f*ck your husband's friends?


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## COguy

Drover said:


> Why not? She's an adult. How much self-control does it really take to decide not to f*ck your husband's friends?


Dude....you're barking up the wrong tree.


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## ScarletBegonias

Drover said:


> Why not? She's an adult. How much self-control does it really take to decide not to f*ck your husband's friends?


for some people,especially if the marriage is a shadow of what it used to be, it can be extremely tough.


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## AlphaHalf

What you did was good. You were honest about how you felt and avoided a bad situation for your marriage. (hopefully for good)

How is your husband feeling about it now? Has he questioned you anymore about why your attracted? Has his self esteem seem taken a hit because you desire another man while in his presence.

I'm interested to know because I thought what if my wife told me something similar about one of my friends. Of course I would be happy about her honesty, BUT(*Out of my own insecurity*) I would be shocked that she desired a another man soooo much,,,, that she had to tell me she couldn't control her feelings for another man,,,, who just casually visits the house with no attempt to seduce. I would then be pissed off that my wife is that weak willed to any man with a handsome face and seems cool. Then I would focus extra attention to any man she comes in contact with, thinking in my head "Does she want to [email protected]#k/marry him too instead of me??" (Yup I got Issues) Whenever she meets my friend I would still know she prefers him. 
Either way for me , It would be a LOSE/LOSE scenario. Props to your husband for taking it well so far. He is a bigger man then me.

My wife has pretty friends and they seem like good people, But I have the maturity and will to not develop a crush and wish to marry them instead of my spouse.
You compared the intimate knowledge you have of your husband with the general knowledge you of have of his friend....and decided you wanted his friend more. But out of respect you told your hubby. That would still tick me off if I was him.
What would've happened if you worked with this man and your Hubby didn't know him??


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## [email protected]

I have never uttered a word of this to anyone but seeing your thread has made me just want to get this off of my chest sort of purge my soul. (so please bear with me)

My boss is one of the most sexiest men I have ever seen. Its not enough that he is very attractive but we are close in age and he is highly successful. The combination just makes him all the more sexy. So being very attractive and successful is not enough he is an athlete and he competes statewide in differnet events. He built a gym in the office so that when he can not get to the gym and he is training for an event he can come to work then go downstairs and work out. 

Do I need to voice just how distracting it is to be walking down the hall and see him come out of the guy soaking wet with athletic shorts on, I like to choaked on my bagel last week.

I am a happlily married woman, yes I am but from time to time a vision of him glissening coming out of the gym will creep into my mind. Would I ever tell my husband about this attraction? Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeelllllllll no.

Its my little fantasy, I know I would never act on it (unless I got a phone call that my husband veerred of the road into a mack truck amd didn't survive) My husband and I often joke about what stars we would sleep with if the other spouse untimely passed away but I have never added my boss to that list....

Attraction to others is healthy and normal so I don't feel any type a way nor will I ever devulge that info to him. I am sure there has been attraction for him to. To be honest I don't want to hear about who...... Let him have his and I have mine as long as we are not fool enough to go act on them.


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## AlphaHalf

> Would I ever tell my husband about this attraction? Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeelllllllll no.


LOL. Telling each others fantasy about a celebrity is not bothersome to me. What are the chances of that happening? But telling a fantasy about the Guy/Girl next door, That's a whole other issue.


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