# After the Break-Up Should You Remain Friends?



## nataly87 (Apr 29, 2016)

After you and your partner have broken up, should you two remain friends, and still hang out? Or is being friends and hanging out a bad thing, Out of my history of break ups I rarely remained friends with my ex's, I would always cut ties altogether. Only rarely speaking to them again after some time has passed on. But what about all of you, what would you do? What do you think is the best or worse option?


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

It all depends on how old you are, how long you were together, if you were married, if you had children, how serious you were, why you broke up etc etc.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

Cut ties. End it move on. Not friends. Especially when you work with them. When you see them in the elevator at work say just the minimum. They might get upset, but tough.


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## Herschel (Mar 27, 2016)

I used to stay friends with almost all my exes. Most of them tried for a second chance (though they usually did something to end the relationship). My wife didn't like me being friends with them on facebook, so I gave them the boot. I can understand, though most of the relationships were so long ago and I'd never do or want to do anything, it didn't matter.

I am pretty good with compartamentalizing feelings. Once I want to be done, I'll be done. I think after a terrible situation in college, I somehow was more able to separate myself. Maybe cause I watched dexter too.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

I prefer to remain mortal enemies for ever. Some of my fave things to do are to slash their tyres, put potatoes in their exhaust pipes and bang their best mates.


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## The Middleman (Apr 30, 2012)

Unless children are involved, go and don't look back.


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## nataly87 (Apr 29, 2016)

Oh I see, well thanks for all your input.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

I've not remained friends with any of my ex's. Their place in my life was romantic partner and when that ended, I didn't see a reason to continue being in contact. This includes my exH, who was part of my life for 8 years and fathered two of my children. I think I've talked to him 4 times in the last 13 years and then only because I absolutely had to.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Some people can. It depends on many factors. 

I never have but I know some people who do this.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## WorkingWife (May 15, 2015)

nataly87 said:


> After you and your partner have broken up, should you two remain friends, and still hang out? Or is being friends and hanging out a bad thing, Out of my history of break ups I rarely remained friends with my ex's, I would always cut ties altogether. Only rarely speaking to them again after some time has passed on. But what about all of you, what would you do? What do you think is the best or worse option?


Unless they did something to make me hate them, I would remain "friendly" but not "friends." It is likely to cause problems with future relationships for you if you are close friends with an ex.

With that said, my H and I both have people we dated during our early 20's that we're still in casual touch with. In his case, it's a former girlfriend who was a part of a larger group of friends from his college days. So we'll see her sometimes when his friends from that era get together and it's no problem. I don't feel any "romantic interest" between them at all and it's great to see her and all his other friends. If he were to cut her out of his life completely, we'd miss out on all those friendships. 

But if he was texting with her all the time, or hanging out with her weekly or monthly I'm sure I would become concerned and not like that.

in general, I would suggest, moving forward, that you develop new/different friends so that when you are dating someone new, you aren't dangling your ex in her face all the time.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Hell to the "No!"

More especially if your skanky spouse is busy covertly dropping their drawers over in some other man's boudoir without your knowledge!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

Why would you want too?

Weak in my opinion. 

Every guy who says friends with his x that I know just has more drama. They will have no problem call you when they wreck their car, break up with their newest F toy and is scared he might do something, ask for money when she's broke and rent is due, etc etc etc.

But if you ever call them you can bet your sweet a$$ she will be indifferent and busy. 

No much of a friend.


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## Tortdog (May 2, 2016)

Honestly, I would always remain friends unless she did not desire it. She has her faults (I do too, obviously) but I love her, admire so many of her best attributes. And I love her family. She is my kids' mom. She couldn't do anything to destroy that.


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## Bibi1031 (Sep 14, 2015)

Remain friends with an X? 

When hell freezes over...evil grin!


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

Holland said:


> I prefer to remain mortal enemies for ever. Some of my fave things to do are to slash their tyres, put potatoes in their exhaust pipes and bang their best mates.


Have I mentioned that I love you?


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## philreag (Apr 2, 2015)

maybe, but not yet...


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

I've never had to deal with this.. but we've watched our sons go through it.. one was too devastated to remain friends, she wanted to, he couldn't.. after a few weeks of his wastefully trying to get her back, when she was already "DONE" moving on with his friend.. he cut ties -I talked to him how he HAD TO DO THIS...he still feels strong feelings against her.. pretty much "hate" which tells me he's got a huge scar, still passion there. 

Then 3rd son just broke up with his GF a few weeks ago.. and they are remaining friends.. she is holding on tight to him.. even he admits they may get back together.. basically she was being too clingy, wanted too much of his time.. getting angry over it, and he found breaking up with her ...made it easier for him to communicate his feelings about this... I just hope he isn't leading her to believe something that may not happen.. as I know she'll be devastated, she's hanging on his words.. trusting him that they can work through their issues.. (they are both still in high school) ... I think it's good they are communicating like this.. instead of one "stuffing" -which happened with other son's ex. 

My feelings are .. if it's mutual.. a couple might be able to remain on friendly terms.... they both have "moved on" enough to see it wasn't going anywhere.... but when one is devastated.. it's too difficult to remains friends- never a good idea .. seeing the other move on with someone else.. one needs to CUT, destroy, not look upon what they lost .. that's too hard on anyone.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

no . that way after you have a family and you see eachother on face book the re connection is always much better.

forbidden fruit.......apple anyone.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Depends on circumstances of the breakup would be my guess. Some form of abuse and why would you want to be friends?


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## jdawg2015 (Feb 12, 2015)

OP I think you're very young but in general remaining friends with exes is not advisable as it creates drama.

Speaking as a guy, many of us won't choose a woman who stays in touch with her exes. It signals lingering feelings and makes for very awkward situations. 

Unless you have children with someone there really is no reason to stay friends and maintain contact with past sexual partners. And to me a friend is someone who I would call up, have dinner, hang out with, etc. If you need to maintain that with an ex then make sure you disclose that to any future boyfriend you have upfront (and expect to have that guy to quickly disappear and become an ex)....


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

My first real girlfriend -the one who- dumped me for a fake millionaire!- said we should just remain friends after she broke up with me.

It turned out she was lying. She didn't want to remain friends. 

However when she found someone else to marry six months to a year later she did send me an invitation to her wedding. Which I did not attend.

It was then that I realised she was only looking for a daddy for her little girl. I was actually bonding with her daughter when we split up so that realisation did open the wound a little.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## nataly87 (Apr 29, 2016)

After me and my now ex-boyfriend broke up, we didn't remain friends, he went and blocked me on everything and moved on. I deleted him from everything but I didn't go as far as block him, like he blocked me. I am still wondering if he is alright or not.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

nataly87 said:


> After me and my now ex-boyfriend broke up, we didn't remain friends, he went and blocked me on everything and moved on. I deleted him from everything but I didn't go as far as block him, like he blocked me. I am still wondering if he is alright or not.



Were you trying to actively stay in touch with him. But of course, how would you know he blocked you unless you attempted to contact him?

On another message board, a woman admitted that she sent an ex a LinkedIn "an invite to connect." 

the next she received was a message from LinkedIn admin to leave him alone. 

It's women more than men who want to remain friends.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

nataly87 said:


> After me and my now ex-boyfriend broke up, we didn't remain friends, he went and blocked me on everything and moved on. I deleted him from everything but I didn't go as far as block him, like he blocked me.* I am still wondering if he is alright or not.*


Worried about his fragile mental state?


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## nataly87 (Apr 29, 2016)

NextTimeAround said:


> Worried about his fragile mental state?


Yeah and I knew he blocked me, because I can't see his social media and I know how you are blocked on the phone and other online accounts so I know he blocked me.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

nataly87 said:


> Yeah and I knew he blocked me, because I can't see his social media and I know how you are blocked on the phone and other online accounts so I know he blocked me.


How can you tell that someone has blockd their phone number from you without your trying to place a call or send a text to that person?


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## Fitnessfan (Nov 18, 2014)

I am friends with my 2 ex's that I was with for 4 years and 5 years. Initially after both breakups we did not communicate for several years, but then we did after we had moved on. However, by friends I mean once or twice a year we might exchange a "how is everything with you and your family," or "How are your parents doing"..it's not a close friendship but a little checking in to see if they are alive and well.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

nataly87 said:


> I am still wondering if he is alright or not.


Why? He blocked you from everything. That in itself should tell you he's alright with how his life is going. You are history.

Let it go an move on with your life.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Google the Jimmy Nail song Ain't no doubt listen to it and read the lyrics.

Within it is the lie about wanting to remain friends. 

Even though the song came out many, many years after I got given the 'let's remain friends' line, the song resonated with me very strongly.

Urgh! Darn thing triggered me!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Shoto1984 (Apr 11, 2009)

No, never. There is a reason you broke up. Let it go. Inevitably keeping ex's around is nothing more than baggage that will be a problem down the road. See numerous threads here about ex's who are still in the picture. How would you feel? Yeah, my new love had this hot romance with this other person....and yeah, they're still friends and they see each other and send birthday greetings and talk about..... Yeah, no thanks. Next. Or how about the girl I broke up with but we're still friends and talk and get together sometimes and I can tell she's still into me but I'm not going there but we're still friends and really it's kind of an ego trip that I could have her back if I wanted her and she hasn't had any real relationships since we broke up. Weak, immature, crap. No, never.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Shoto1984 said:


> No, never. There is a reason you broke up. Let it go. Inevitably keeping ex's around is nothing more than baggage that will be a problem down the road. See numerous threads here about ex's who are still in the picture. How would you feel? Yeah, my new love had this hot romance with this other person....and yeah, they're still friends and they see each other and send birthday greetings and talk about..... Yeah, no thanks. Next. Or how about the girl I broke up with but we're still friends and talk and get together sometimes and I can tell she's still into me but I'm not going there but we're still friends and really it's kind of an ego trip that I could have her back if I wanted her and she hasn't had any real relationships since we broke up. Weak, immature, crap. No, never.


or how about the friend that your new romantic interest feels the need to constantly confide in. And she gives him advice....... well, isn't that what friends do? Help each other? 

And what if the advice / opinion is that you're not good enough for him? How do you feel about ex's as friends now?


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## nataly87 (Apr 29, 2016)

As I have said, him and I broke up and we are not speaking to each other and don't plan too. I want to move I was just worried ok. Is it wrong to worry about someone you did love and care about?


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

What is it that you would worry about?


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

nataly87 said:


> As I have said, him and I broke up and we are not speaking to each other and don't plan too. I want to move I was just worried ok. Is it wrong to worry about someone you did love and care about?



Sometimes "worrying abut someone" or even "caring about someone" are code words for "I want to control that person." 

Constantly getting into someone else's business is usually justified as "because I care."

Why worry about your x boyfriend? Do you easily worry about other people you know and who --at least -- still care about you?


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

arbitrator said:


> *Hell to the "No!"
> *
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You crack me up. On one thread you use some lovely oldfashioned term and suddenly "Hell to the No"? LOL


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## nataly87 (Apr 29, 2016)

So NONE OF YOU still have feeling for any old ex's or friends your not looking in contact with?


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Unless you have a child with your ex, why would you wish to be friends or hang out? If you can get along with them you don't need to be getting a divorce.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

nataly87 said:


> So NONE OF YOU still have feeling for any old ex's or friends your not looking in contact with?


I may have when I was in my 20s, but now I know how destructive these types of relationships can be.

I would advise anyone of any age to be well shot of their ex and to move on to a new life where your ex cannot influence it. 

I nearly dumped my first husband due to the behavior of his ex AND of course her influence on my fiance. (they were in their 20s at the time).

When my future (second) husband talked about a female friend, I knew that there were problems ahead.


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## nataly87 (Apr 29, 2016)

Oh now I am seeing, what you are all saying. Yeah then it was a good thing, him and I did not remain friends. And him and I just have to move on. I am doing just that too.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

nataly87 said:


> So NONE OF YOU still have feeling for any old ex's or friends your not looking in contact with?


*Not when their willful, secretive, covert betrayal enters into the equation!

Kids or no kids! At least with me, if they wantonly cheat, just why should they be entitled to pass "Go" and collect their proverbial $200?*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

When I married at 20, no, I did not remain friends with any old boyfriends. Now that I'm divorced I am not friendly at all with my ex. The men I have dated since then I have remained somewhat friendly with but not cozy - I don't hang out with them or see them. I may get a random text or maybe one will like something on facebook - the one I'm still connected with on facebook is married now and we don't communicate at all besides that. 

Exes are ex for a reason. Doesn't mean I hate them, but there's no good reason to continue to be in each other's lives. It hinders moving on and can create problems and jealousy for future partners on both sides. Best to just remain casual and amicable but not seek each other out.


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## nataly87 (Apr 29, 2016)

Well him and I are not communicating or anything. Both of have moved on. I just had thoughts in my head is that so wrong?


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

nataly87 said:


> Well him and I are not communicating or anything. Both of have moved on. I just had thoughts in my head is that so wrong?


No, as we all make mistakes. 

I used to be a "cup half full is better than nothing" type person. but in this scenario, I would get hit both ways. 1) with guys who think that if they pretend to be friends they can still spend time with me and then later accuse me of stringing them along: 2) of dealing with guys who had inappropriate relationships with their exes.

Just don't couch your own needs as some selfless pursuit to help others. 


> I am still wondering if he is alright or not.


No, it seems to me that your ex took the right course of action.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

It's been almost a year since 2nd son's GF dumped him for his so called Youth group leader friend.. I was proud of him.. he attended a Party last night knowing they would both be there.. an old friend they shared.. she was besties with the guys sister, the party was for her brother .. anyway.. sad as it may be.. they didn't speak, acted like complete strangers towards each other . They were together 3 & half years... 

He tried not looking at her.. but didn't allow their presence to ruin his night.. he couldn't help but notice how she was doing the same thing she did to him...when she'd drag him to a girlfriends party...basically ignoring him.. He said _____ looked kinda lost, and not very happy.. I hope seeing son had him rethink his betrayal a bit.. but not holding my breath on that one. 

I gave son a High five for going, not allowing their presence to shake him up... that's very healthy... even necessary.. his Optimism is back in high gear , love seeing that.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

No with respect to my wife. I will not even accept the friend request on FB from my first GF in high school. She is friends with my mom though. I will not even friend and females from my class, if they are not family or church members......no.


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## nataly87 (Apr 29, 2016)

Well him and I are not friends and again I have now blocked him on social media and other outlets, just like he blocked me. And I am moving on with my life.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

nataly87 said:


> Well him and I are not friends and again I have now blocked him on social media and other outlets, just like he blocked me. And I am moving on with my life.


So basically your question was immaterial. HE decided not to be friends and blocked you. So you blocked him in return.

Seems that BOTH people have to decide to be friends or it does not work.


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