# Check list for divorce



## lastinline (Jul 21, 2009)

I am meeting with my attorney tomorrow for my initial consultation. 
I was hoping to avoid the whole lawyer thing, but I can see now that won't be a reality. On the plus side, I see quite a few cops in my clinic, and the lawyer they referred me to is a complete nightmare. She definitely seems to have my 6. I guess that's my actual 6, as well as my friggin six grand. Leaches. 

Anyway, my soon to be ex-wife has completely "F"'d up our checking account, so I realize I will have to change banks. What else would anyone advise that I do as this "divorce thing" hits critical mass? I am kind of new at this.

LIL


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## ducky (Feb 17, 2010)

Definitely open a bank account in your name, all credit cards in which you are the primary if she is a joint signer you need to have her removed from the account and have them send you a new card if they both have the same number. There is life insurance and a will if you have those in which you will want to change the beneficiary.


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

Ducky's advice is a good start...mainly separating money if the spouse isn't trustworthy. 

Then, figure out if you are doing to live under the same roof at this point.

What are you telling your children? That's the most difficult part in my opinion. It makes it real.


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## lastinline (Jul 21, 2009)

I opened a new account yesterday, and informed her that I'd essentially closed the old one. This wasn't entirely true as I would have needed her to do this, but WTF she was running through money like pee through a race horse. I had to do something.

Anyway, I gave her a couple hundred bucks and told her to itemize her expenses. If they were legitimate. I would give her more money as she needed it. Does this make me a controlling ass? I personally don't think so. She had been blowing through 1k+ bucks per week and it's just not budgeted into our month.

I also met with my attorney yesterday. A cop patient of mine recommended her to me. She said she was a holy terror, but I personally found her rather pleasant. Anyway, the bank account idea had her blessing, as my wife had been intentionally running up her expenses. She also warned me about some of the potential pitfalls headed my way. I hope the SPCA is our only "circus" episode. 

Anyway, she told me I had several options as my wife hadn't filed yet. The first being filing myself. The second being filing for legal separation, and the third being waiting. I opted to wait.

I meet again next Wednesday with my Attorney and then I'm out of town in LA for about a week or so of training. Well, gotta run literally. It's 5:03 and the river is a calling. Time to lace up and go.

LIL


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## sirch (Jan 8, 2009)

pm me last, I can give some help info


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## Atholk (Jul 25, 2009)

You also need to find out if she has opened other accounts and has been storing up money for a "rainy day".


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## lastinline (Jul 21, 2009)

She obviously has been squirreling away money. She has also used her "run up" expenses to fund her legal fees. She says she is paying herself. Nice. She refused mediation. I guess it would have been too fair.

On a funnier note, a friend of hers comes to our office for care. I was remotely near the front desk when she came in yesterday. She nonchalantly asked about my wife and how her knee had been doing.

As they talk incessantly for hours while at the gym, I knew she more or less already had the answer to her question, so I quipped back something about it being a good thing my wife's not a horse or they'd have had to shoot her. Oddly enough, Pam looked as if I'd slapped her. I didn't have time to ponder it further, so I grabbed what I came for and went back to work.

Later my partner came up to me laughing and filled me in on the rest of the story. When they got back to their treatment room, she apparently asked my associate in a concerned voice, "Did he say *****?". To which my partner replied, 'No Dear, he said horse. 

Hmmm, now that I've read it both ways, I think Pam got it right.

LIL


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

That is a funny story LIL...could you have accidently said *****? LOL

It's sad that your wife won't accept mediation. She wants to do it the hard way....for all involved. Most of this..."I don't want to do mediation" is vindictive. She's angry and wants to show you. Hopefully, she will change her mind. At this point, she probably behaving like a juvenile....if "HE" suggests mediation then I am not going to do mediation.


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## Atholk (Jul 25, 2009)

lastinline said:


> She obviously has been squirreling away money. She has also used her "run up" expenses to fund her legal fees. She says she is paying herself. Nice. She refused mediation. I guess it would have been too fair.


How the heck did I get so good at calling this stuff. I swear I'm not that evil.


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## lastinline (Jul 21, 2009)

Ah, the counter-offer.... according to her, all I need do is clean out my office. (I love my office.) Convert it into a bedroom for her, and she is willing to stay and function as my nanny. How friggin generous of her. The problem is I don't want a nanny. I want a wife.

This has nothing to do with a divorce check list, but for any woman reading this post and asking herself "where did I go wrong?" Ask yourself, was I a good wife? If the answer is yes, then let's find your scumbag husband and have him flogged. If your answer is no, remember that your husband didn't marry you to be the mother of his children. He married you to be his companion, friend, and lover. He married you to be his wife. Nannies need not apply.

LIL


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## hyndsight1 (Jan 28, 2010)

> This has nothing to do with a divorce check list, but for any woman reading this post and asking herself "where did I go wrong?" Ask yourself, was I a good wife? If the answer is yes, then let's find your scumbag husband and have him flogged. If your answer is no, remember that your husband didn't marry you to be the mother of his children. He married you to be his companion, friend, and lover. He married you to be his wife. Nannies need not apply.


:rofl::lol::rofl: YES!

I'm right there LIL! "can't I just set up a room in the basement?" "wouldn't that be much easier?"

Yup, it would be for you wouldn't it! (although the idea of throwing kitchen scraps down the stairs once in a while does sound theraputic) They think that even when love is gone we will still 'need' them


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## lastinline (Jul 21, 2009)

hyndsight1, if only we had basements where I live in CA. [email protected] earthquakes. No, I'm afraid she'd have to be upstairs. It's just not acceptable.

I will say this one last time and put it into caps for effect...YOU CAN BE A GOOD MOM AND FAIL AT BEING A GOOD WIFE, JUST AS A MAN CAN BE A GOOD WORKER AND FAIL AT BEING A GOOD HUSBAND. AT THE END OF THE DAY WHAT ANY SPOUSE PRIMARILY WANTS IS A GOOD PARTNER.

LIL


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## hyndsight1 (Jan 28, 2010)

> [email protected] earthquakes.


:rofl:



> YOU CAN BE A GOOD MOM AND FAIL AT BEING A GOOD WIFE, JUST AS A MAN CAN BE A GOOD WORKER AND FAIL AT BEING A GOOD HUSBAND. AT THE END OF THE DAY WHAT ANY SPOUSE PRIMARILY WANTS IS A GOOD PARTNER.


Too bad so often only half of this applies........


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## lonelyNdepressed (Oct 21, 2009)

Lastinline,

I am going thru a divorce myself and have been sepreated from my husband for 3 months, we have had money problems for the 7yrs of our marriage, we both were bad spenders and we never had enough money, i was always in control of the money and didn't pay bills when we didn't have the money, and most of the time my husband caught me. I was just always scared to tell him because everytime he found out he threathened me with divorce and i didn't want that, i couldn't deal with my stress levels and got hooked on perscriptions drugs, yes i know i'm a mess but for my husband enough was enough.


But my husband always said that you get married for family not love


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## lastinline (Jul 21, 2009)

*But my husband always said that you get married for family not love *

How'd that work out for him? Love is the only reason for marriage, and even then it's still hard. With love though, at least it's worthwhile. Without it though, marriage is just friggin painful.

LIL


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## lonelyNdepressed (Oct 21, 2009)

i know in my heart that my husband loved me and still possibly does, but i do believe that he believes that. My husband had alot of twisted ways of thinking, sometime i think he said it just to upset me, but who know but him


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## lastinline (Jul 21, 2009)

I have another meeting with my attorney tomorrow afternoon. Basically, it's just a detailed rehashing of the options available to me. I'm tempted to tell her just to file on my behalf and get this nightmare over with.

I am so tired of doing my part and having her forget that she isn't somehow my wife. She has been at least well behaved since I opened a separate checking account, and largely sealed our joint account. Friggin fantastic, money matters to her. Who would have thunk it?

Is it too much for a man just to want a wife? I'm tired of rerouting aggression through sparring it's not healthy and ultimately doesn't do anything to address the real problems in my life.

LIL


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## hyndsight1 (Jan 28, 2010)

> Is it too much for a man just to want a wife? I'm tired of rerouting aggression through sparring it's not healthy and ultimately doesn't do anything to address the real problems in my life.


:iagree:

As much as she hates it, Wow is it theraputic to just laugh her off now when she is being irrational! I never realized how much I hedged my bets untill I didn't have to.....


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## lastinline (Jul 21, 2009)

Number one on my divorce to do list... 

1) LISTEN TO MY LAWYER'S COUNSEL


God, the woman told me what my wife would do exactly, and my friggin wife pulled the trigger on it within two days of my lawyer predicting it. At the time I told her my wife would never file a restraining order against me because it's not true. 

My lawyer laughed and said "Dear truth has nothing to do with it". She said "your ex-military, a solid 240 pounds, a martial artist, and intimidating as all hell". She told me "I was a restraining order waiting to happen." 

I asked her why she felt this way. She simply said because if my wife was her client that's what she'd tell her to do. She explained that it temporarily gives her the house. It forces me to continue to pay the mortgage which ties up my funds for legal services. It also makes me miserable, and less willing to take the fight to her, because I'd be deprived of social support from my kids and a familiar environment.

So nice to know that truth isn't needed in today's family law circles.
I'm an @ss. Why do I pay someone twice the money I make in an hour and then not listen to them?

LIL


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