# I have clearly known that my wife's attitude is not right



## [email protected] (Jul 28, 2020)

Hello friends ,

We are married for 9 years and we have 2 children ( 7 and 5) . Our relation ship has never been smooth in our married life . I am 52 and she is 39. She has clearly told me that she regrets marrying an old man . I have also learnt that she is not interested to show up in public with me . I am also bored of her complaints for every thing I do .

Though I could not speak for sure on our sex life , it was not bad at all .
I am very confused to abandon my marriage especially when I think of missing my lovely daily interaction with children , I start to panic .

I seek your sincere advise if I should live just for sake of children.

thanks


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Living for the children is an excuse to do nothing. Being a martyr is a thankless task and your children get to suffer for it too. They aren’t stupid l


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

Sounds like she will end up leaving you anyways or y’all will stay together miserable and she will seek the attention of other men. She just hit the wall against the big 40 and she is recalculating her life.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

I’d start working on building a life without her and move on.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

OP, where are you in the world? Was your marriage an arranged match? Were you two ever in love?


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## D0nnivain (Mar 13, 2021)

What specific things would she like you to do that to her would make you more youthful & less of an old man? Would you be willing to do those things? Maybe not everything but more than you are doing now?


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

[email protected] said:


> Hello friends ,
> 
> We are married for 9 years and we have 2 children ( 7 and 5) . Our relation ship has never been smooth in our married life . I am 52 and she is 39. She has clearly told me that she regrets marrying an old man . I have also learnt that she is not interested to show up in public with me . I am also bored of her complaints for every thing I do .
> 
> ...


My guess is you'll have more interaction with your children than ever with joint custody, which is the norm these days. You'll likely get full responsibility for them 3 1/2 days a week.


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## Al_Bundy (Mar 14, 2021)

She probably have a delusional opinion of herself. If she thinks she can do better as a soon to be 40yr old single mother out on the dating market, let her go get slapped by reality.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Of course, same goes for him, only moreso.


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

[email protected] said:


> Hello friends ,
> 
> We are married for 9 years and we have 2 children ( 7 and 5) . Our relation ship has never been smooth in our married life . I am 52 and she is 39. She has clearly told me that she regrets marrying an old man . I have also learnt that she is not interested to show up in public with me . I am also bored of her complaints for every thing I do .
> 
> ...


I don't have children, so when I made the decision to leave my marriage, it was a pretty easy one to make. However, even if we did have kids, that decision still would have been a fairly easy one. I wouldn't want my kids to grow up thinking that our toxic marriage was a "normal" marriage, and that men are meant to control and manipulate their wives. So, while staying for the sake of your children is a nice thought, @[email protected], it may also do them some harm in the long run, and lead them to believe that relationships are supposed to be unhealthy.


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## re16 (Oct 9, 2012)

Does she work or have income?

If she is so unhappy with you, why is she staying with you?

Have you gone to marriage counseling together?


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Do her complaints have merit? Are you overweight and slovenly? Are you lazy and shiftless and only do things half-arsed in attempt to shut her up and get her to leave you alone? 

Are you actively involved with the kids and do things with them or do you sit on the couch and get annoyed with them being underfoot and making noise?


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## [email protected] (Jul 28, 2020)

Al_Bundy said:


> She probably have a delusional opinion of herself. If she thinks she can do better as a soon to be 40yr old single mother out on the dating market, let her go get slapped by reality.


Thank you Al-Bundy ,
My analysis is similar with yours ; "She has delusional opinion of herself" . I have requested her so many times to see marriage counsellor together but she refused .Afterwards , I took serious of counseling for myself which gave me some strength .


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## [email protected] (Jul 28, 2020)

oldshirt said:


> Do her complaints have merit? Are you overweight and slovenly? Are you lazy and shiftless and only do things half-arsed in attempt to shut her up and get her to leave you alone?
> 
> Are you actively involved with the kids and do things with them or do you sit on the couch and get annoyed with them being underfoot and making noise?


Thank you for your questions;
No I am not overweight ,with BMI of 24 . I am not lazy either and I am in the top management of a renowned humanitarian agency . My relationship with my children is great . I come home directly after office to help my children with their study . I am not addict to anything .


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## [email protected] (Jul 28, 2020)

Rowan said:


> OP, where are you in the world? Was your marriage an arranged match? Were you two ever in love?


At least , I was thinking we were both in love before being married . She some times say so but could not be proved in practice


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## [email protected] (Jul 28, 2020)

re16 said:


> Does she work or have income?
> 
> If she is so unhappy with you, why is she staying with you?
> 
> Have you gone to marriage counseling together?


Thanks,
She refused but I did . The counseling helped me remain calm and taught me how to prioritize to my mental ,physical and spiritual health .


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## re16 (Oct 9, 2012)

With the refusal to work on the marriage and the open and direct statements she is making about regretting being married, it really doesn't sound like you have much of marriage.

You only get one life.... you're better off to end your relationship with her and create a new and positive situation that your kids can model.... otherwise they are going to model your current dynamic.

You should tell her directly what needs to happen and that it will end if it doesn't happen. If she doesn't want to work on it, then she is choosing that path, although I think she already chose that path.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

From her you got a shot over your grey brow.

.............................................


Let us discuss her friends.
Can we assume they are younger, and have younger husbands?
Are any of her female friends (or relatives) toxic to the marriage?

.........................................

This is likely that _mid-life crisis_.

She is not alone in these thoughts, many a marriage has been lost to _what ifs_?

_What ifs_, those itches that cannot be scratched by (relatively) old back scratchers.

She is making a last ditch effort to right a path she finds going in the wrong direction.

I suspect she is looking for excitement, for romance, for something she sees, not in your future together.

*For her to leave, she must find fault in you*, even if it stretches the truth, but not those wrinkles she sees upon you.

It likely is not something that you did, aside from marrying a younger (than you) woman.
12 years younger, to be precise.



_Nemesis-_


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Did you have any prior marriages or children prior to getting with her?

Did you have any serious, long term relationships prior to her?


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## ElOtro (Apr 4, 2021)

[email protected] said:


> Thank you for your questions;
> I am not addict to anything .


Except to her.


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

[email protected] said:


> Thank you for your questions;
> No I am not overweight ,with BMI of 24 . I am not lazy either and I am in the top management of a renowned humanitarian agency . My relationship with my children is great . I come home directly after office to help my children with their study . I am not addict to anything .


Having a BMI of 24 is good but could also be a sign that you’re skinny fat. Not a good look when you’re wife is 12 years younger. I suspect that she’s been talking or maybe more with a guy much closer to her age or could have a toxic friend(s) that are asking why she’s with such an older guy. You would be wise to verify if there’s anyone else in the picture. 

I also think you need to up your game across the board. Having a wife 12 years younger requires that you stay at your best version of yourself. This should include your fitness, fashion, and appearance (hair, beard, hygiene,etc). Btw when I mention fashion, I do NOT in anyway encourage you to dress like a younger guy.


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## D0nnivain (Mar 13, 2021)

[email protected] said:


> I have requested her so many times to see marriage counsellor together but she refused .Afterwards , I took serious of counseling for myself which gave me some strength .


I'm glad to hear that you are getting counseling for yourself. If you have asked her to go to MC to address her concerns & she won't, there is not much you can do. She's already checked out of the marriage. Might as well make it official.


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## [email protected] (Jul 28, 2020)

oldshirt said:


> Did you have any prior marriages or children prior to getting with her?
> 
> Did you have any serious, long term relationships prior to her?


No , its my first marriage and no children other than these 2 . Yes , we had long term relation ship before we got married even . Some years ago, before we got married there has been time we quarreled because of our sex life was not good ( she was complaining of my premature ejaculation). But latter after 4 years of separation we met again and restarted dating and decided to get married .
Frankly speaking , I believe that I already overcome that after we got married and with support from my counselor. She has clearly told me now we are fine_ . I do not think_ my current bad relation ship is related with our sex life even during that time , it was an excuse for her to break the relation ship but I simply accepted her when she renounced back .

Can I consider her current behavior similar with the previous one ? How should I know If she is not really playing the same game as before ?


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

There's an old Chris Rock stand-up routine where he says, "Do you wanna know why your wife is always pi$$ed at you? - 'cause you ain't her first choice." 

Here is a hard question for you to ask yourself - has she ever had a true, burning desire for you? 

Or were you the nice, stable guy with a steady income that was willing to take her in a provide a home and children when she was turning 30 and getting the Baby Rabies and none of the party boyz she getting down with would take her full time? 

When people are always angry at their spouse and always hypercritical of every small, little detail, it is often a deep seated resentment that the spouse is holding them back. Deep down they feel that they can do better or that they somehow deserve better if it just weren't for this person they are married to. 

Now whether they actually could get someone better or not is a whole other topic....... but the root cause is that they themselves think they can. 

And often when someone becomes chronically resentful and hypercritical, there often is a 3rd party in the mix somehow. 

Women do not act like this or say things like this if they feel you are their best option.


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## ElOtro (Apr 4, 2021)

oldshirt said:


> There's an old Chris Rock stand-up routine where he says, "Do you wanna know why your wife is always pi$$ed at you? - 'cause you ain't her first choice."
> 
> Here is a hard question for you to ask yourself - has she ever had a true, burning desire for you?
> 
> ...


Well said.


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## [email protected] (Jul 28, 2020)

Baby Rabies 


oldshirt said:


> And often when someone becomes chronically resentful and hypercritical, there often is a 3rd party in the mix somehow.


3rd party in the mix??? 
can you elaborate this to get full picture of your comment?


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

jsmart said:


> Having a BMI of 24 is good but could also be a sign that you’re skinny fat. Not a good look when you’re wife is 12 years younger. I suspect that she’s been talking or maybe more with a guy much closer to her age or could have a toxic friend(s) that are asking why she’s with such an older guy. You would be wise to verify if there’s anyone else in the picture.
> 
> I also think you need to up your game across the board. Having a wife 12 years younger requires that you stay at your best version of yourself. This should include your fitness, fashion, and appearance (hair, beard, hygiene,etc). Btw when I mention fashion, I do NOT in anyway encourage you to dress like a younger guy.


Hmmm. Does having a same age wife mean you _don't_ need to stay at your best version of yourself then?


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

[email protected] said:


> Baby Rabies
> 
> 
> 3rd party in the mix???
> can you elaborate this to get full picture of your comment?


Baby Rabies is when some women get such a powerful urge to have kids that rational thought goes out the window. 

And what I mean by 3rd party is the mix is that when someone becomes hypercritical and seems angry all the time and for seemingly insignificant things, there is often someone else that they are very attracted to but feel that their spouse is keeping them from being with that person, or they are outright cheating with that person. 

If someone becomes chronically bitter and critical, there is often someone else in the picture to one degree or another.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Livvie said:


> Hmmm. Does having a same age wife mean you _don't_ need to stay at your best version of yourself then?


A significantly younger partner will have greater competition for her attentions as well as younger and fitter dudes vying for her attention. 

That doesn't mean that he shouldn't be his best for a partner of his own age, but if he has a 12 year younger wife, he is going to be competing against men significantly younger for her affections.


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## [email protected] (Jul 28, 2020)

oldshirt said:


> A significantly younger partner will have greater competition for her attentions as well as younger and fitter dudes vying for her attention.
> 
> That doesn't mean that he shouldn't be his best for a partner of his own age, but if he has a 12 year younger wife, he is going to be competing against men significantly younger for her affections.


I agree with that logic . However , every one , for one reason or another will have the some chance/opportunity to "enjoy" life outside his or her marriage. But religious, cultural , moral values do play more when you live as human being in additions to one should be accountable for the innocent kids at least. .


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