# What kind of relationship should you have with someone that cheated on you?



## Indy Nial (Sep 26, 2010)

Just curious to see how people treat people they once loved dearly but got betrayed. Your answer might not be how you do treat them but how you would like to.


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## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

Let them go. The betrayed spouse is the one that suffers the most in the long run. You can never really fall in love with a cheater again and there's really no use in subjecting them to triggers, contempt and bitterness, it just exasperates your own pain.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

dont like the options in the poll


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

Almostrecovered said:


> dont like the options in the poll


I thought of several other options - most of them illegal were I am.

But I can dream.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

With my first husband I was relieved he cheated on me. Was was very abusive and at that young age I didn't think it was reason enough to divorce. I've learned a lot since then. I was very unemotionally attatched to him, I packed my daughter and clothes, then left. The next two days he pleaded me to come back, the third day one of his mistresses moved in with him. She has been with him ever since. He is much more abusive to her and he kept his cheating ways. He still blames me for his miserable life 17 years later. He no longer allows my daughter to see or talk to her siblings. He's a sick man.

My husband now would never cheat on me. He would never put himself in that situation to. However, if he did cheat I'd be crushed. I would not forgive him and move on. I can not live with someone I can not trust. I'd rather live alone.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## sigma1299 (May 26, 2011)

IMO depends too much on the depth of the betrayal and the post D Day actions of the cheater. I've read at least one story on here where each of those would be my choice were I the betrayed party.


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## oaksthorne (Mar 4, 2011)

I'mInLoveWithMyHubby said:


> With my first husband I was relieved he cheated on me. Was was very abusive and at that young age I didn't think it was reason enough to divorce. I've learned a lot since then. I was very unemotionally attatched to him, I packed my daughter and clothes, then left. The next two days he pleaded me to come back, the third day one of his mistresses moved in with him. She has been with him ever since. He is much more abusive to her and he kept his cheating ways. He still blames me for his miserable life 17 years later. He no longer allows my daughter to see or talk to her siblings. He's a sick man.
> 
> My husband now would never cheat on me. He would never put himself in that situation to. However, if he did cheat I'd be crushed. I would not forgive him and move on. I can not live with someone I can not trust. I'd rather live alone.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Never say never. My situation is similar to yours, but H 2 did cheat. It can happen, I would have bet my life on my loyal H. It's a good thing I didn't.


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## hookares (Dec 7, 2011)

Indy Nial said:


> Just curious to see how people treat people they once loved dearly but got betrayed. Your answer might not be how you do treat them but how you would like to.


It depends. If the two of you have produced children, you should try to remain cordial for the benefit of them.
This proved to not be the case for me but I did respond to her kids when they asked for help since I went nearly twenty years thinking they were mine.
Her? Well she somehow got a hold of my cell number and called me for help because her latest stud was beating her up.
I had to tell her that I couldn't help because my battery was going dead on my phone and I had no way to tell the cops where she was.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

This poll is impossible to post in. The way I believe I should be treating my husband isn't even on there. The way a wayward should be treated can change from day to day depending on what their actions are. You can't say that they should all be treated the same way.

The option I would choose for myself if it were there would be to treat him with love, passion, friendship, humour, fairness, and a touch of skepticism.


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## JustaJerk (Dec 2, 2011)

None whatsoever!


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

How I treat my WW, or would like to, is very much dependent on her decisions and actions. Her having sex with someone else really has little to do with it, it is the level of dishonesty she is willing to put up for her to cope with her choices that has affected my future relationship. Early on it is very unsettled and the spectrum of possibility is wide, over time things seem to narrow down into a tighter range. For me, based on her unremorsefuless and my decision to use the 180, I generally view her with disinterest, often it slips into dislike range, and even once in awhile I can wade in the accepting/amicable range. I would probably have attached myself more to the utter contempt range if we didn't have a child together whom we will be coparenting together with for life, nor do I want to attempt having a friendship with her. But it is not worth it for me to devote my time energy to hating her - the opposite of love isn't hate, its indifference.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

It's a dealbreaker for me. I'd be cordial for the kids but thats it.

My husband agrees so we are on the same page. Cheating is an absolute no no.


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## LookingForTheSun (Dec 28, 2011)

If I were giving advice to friends, I would say leave the a******. However, since I am in this boat, I tell myself two things - I am torn. I know my WS told me that if I ever did to him what he did to me he would be gone in a heartbeat. I know he said that if any man ever did what he did to either of our daughters (when they grow up), he would bury them where no one would ever be able to find them. So I know he knows how sh***y he was. At times, (and I am not a violent person by nature, but I am VERY protective of my family) I just want to punch him in the face and kick the crap out of him for hurting me and betraying me and our girls. At times I just want to take away everything he once held dear to his heart and leave him with nothing. That is when I am having a bad day or trigger moment. Then there are most times when I want to just make it through one more day...to get one more day closer to recovery and some sense of normalness. I don't want him to hurt - I can't imagine what it must feel like to hurt so many people around you, especially your own children. I want him to accept and man up.....ok - so there are times that I do want him to feel what I am going through, but I would never revenge cheat. I think if I could strap on some gloves and beat the crap out of him I might feel a little better - let him go to work bruised and broken and have his self esteem and ego take a hit. Yep - that is what I would like to do. If I could do that for 3 months straight (as long as he had his affair), I might be able to call it even


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## 67flh (Sep 26, 2011)

i told my ex, straight to her face, check both ways when your crossing the street cause i won't stop.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

It puts on the lotion or it gets the hose.


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## Dexter Morgan (Dec 8, 2011)

Indy Nial said:


> Just curious to see how people treat people they once loved dearly but got betrayed. Your answer might not be how you do treat them but how you would like to.


IF I did stay with someone that cheated on me, it would be with utter contempt.

Which is why I will NOT stay with someone that has cheated. Why would I want that for myself?

And I won't date anyone I know has cheated in the past. And if I start dating someone and find out she has cheated, then I won't take the relationship seriously from that point on, and it will die sooner or later.


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## Dexter Morgan (Dec 8, 2011)

TDSC60 said:


> I thought of several other options - most of them illegal were I am.
> 
> But I can dream.


One of the options should have been something on the lines of what is in this website 

bad samaritan : bad advice : this cheating heart


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