# dont know what to do???????????



## cloud 9 confused (Aug 17, 2009)

Hi I have been married for 20 years, to a great women who was allways there to support me, and I have helped her out threw some tough times as well. Before our son of 13 years we almost split up a cople of times. Our sex life has not been good, our comunication has not been good. I recently had a promotion that would force us to move to a new city. My family said that they would move with me, and work gave me 6 monthes to a year to make the move. Well 14 mothes have gone by and I live somewhere else all week long and see them on weekends, I dont feel like I fit in when I am around them, and they do not plan on moving, I do not fit in socialy with them, and our sex life is worse than before. I have no interest in going home except to see my son.

Here is the real problem I met another married woman in the new town. She lights up the room every time I see her, I make up excusses to see her all the time. I cant stop thinking about her.

We had gone out a couple of times as freinds and she is incredible. Well I knew it might happen and it did, we spent the night together, it was incredible, and I cant stop thinking about her, she says the same thing. We have now been together a couple of times and its all we can think about.

Is this something that will pass? I feel like I am falling real hard for this woman, unlike any feeling I have ever had for anyone in my past including my wife?


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## JAE (Jul 17, 2009)

Don't drag this out. Decide right now what is more important to you. It is a simple choice, one or the other. If you choose to stay with your wife then you need to decide if you are going to tell her about these feelings/actions you've had. She will never look at you the same and will question your every action. When you tell her, YOU will be causing her a pain that I promise you can't imagine. Are you prepared for that? If you don't love your wife then leave her now, dragging it out will only hurt her more.


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## cloud 9 confused (Aug 17, 2009)

brighterlight,You are probably right? But this other womem is incredibale, she has not been happy for some time now and we relate on so many things. We both feed off each others personality. You say its lust but it feels like more.
As far as my wife we have been good friends living together, the only thing we have incomond is the last 20 years and our son.
Your reply has really made me think about a lot of things, thanks. I am glad i found this site even thought i may not like what you said it feels good to have someone listen who is not directly related in any personal way.


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## silvernblack (Jul 21, 2009)

cloud 9 confused said:


> brighterlight,You are probably right? But this other womem is incredibale, she has not been happy for some time now and we relate on so many things. We both feed off each others personality. You say its lust but it feels like more.
> As far as my wife we have been good friends living together, the only thing we have incomond is the last 20 years and our son.
> Your reply has really made me think about a lot of things, thanks. I am glad i found this site even thought i may not like what you said it feels good to have someone listen who is not directly related in any personal way.


You need to tell your wife what you're doing. It's not right for you to be able to go out and cheat AND hold in your hands the future of the relationship. Basically, your wife is getting knocked to the side because of you lusting after another woman- maybe you haven't left your wife yet, but you've violated your vows. Everytime you see, meet, or think about this woman you are taking attention, time, and love away from your wife.

At least give your wife a choice while you're fooling around and deciding what to do. Perhaps she'll make your choice easier and decide she wants to leave. Sorry if this post seems harsh, but I'm in your wife's shoes right now, except I know what my husband is doing.


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## cloud 9 confused (Aug 17, 2009)

Thanks you make a lot of sense. Last night i sat down and wrote out all of my thoughts and came up with some of your conclusions. Thanks


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## Justawife (Aug 14, 2009)

Cloud 9...Trust me...I shouldn't give any advise...but you only live once... And this is my thought..
When you said I do.. it doesn't me to be unhappy for the rest of your life....  Do what you heart tells you to do...right or wrong...


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## cloud 9 confused (Aug 17, 2009)

Hey Justawife, thanks for your coments, you are right life is too short. This OW needs to work out her own family issues, and so do I. When and if that happens, then why shouldnt we be able enjoy each other if its really more than just lust. We are taking a 2 week break away from each other as both are on family vacations so we will see how things are after that.


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## Justawife (Aug 14, 2009)

cloud 9 confused said:


> Hey Justawife, thanks for your coments, you are right life is too short. This OW needs to work out her own family issues, and so do I. When and if that happens, then why shouldnt we be able enjoy each other if its really more than just lust. We are taking a 2 week break away from each other as both are on family vacations so we will see how things are after that.


 Thats a good start...2 weeks...maybe you should think about 2 months...if your to be together...time will tell...
I wish you good luck....:smthumbup:


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## meina (Jan 7, 2009)

Dear friend,
hi,
i am a woman and cannot think about your situation exactly you are in. but i have a family means father and mother that had the same issure you are dealing with.
i know you would never understand the problem unless you get through it., but some wise people do understand and avoid bad consequences wisely. my father did the same thing and my brother and i suffered a lot mentally and psychologically. it will ruin not only your marriage life rather your sons health. So again descision is yours wheather accept your old wife and compromise or go for the new one and destroy old ones....
thanks


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