# Help. Wife has grown bitter.



## Generation

Hey guys I have been with my wife for 2 years. I am a combat veteran and have struggled with severe ptsd and anxiety since 2012. I was injured by a roadside bomb in Kabul, Afghanistan and was prescribed some oxys to manage the pain. 
The problem was... I started using the pills to help with more than Just physical pain...But to help drown out the emotional turmoil as well. My wife knew going into our marriage I was an addict, and sure as **** after being clean 2 years I relapsed...twice. to make things worse I lied to her about it and his it the best I could. She is not dumb though and quickly found out. She gave me one last chance. So fast forward here I am 9 months clean and all the sudden she has grown suspicious. She is bringing up the past, threatening to leave, calling me names like dumbass and "junkie", and threatens to leave me daily. We have two beautiful infants together, and I love this woman more than life itself. She has grown so mean I don't know what to do, I offer her drug tests, let her know my whereabouts at all times, it doesn't work. I get verbally abused daily. She just gave birth 3 weeks ago. Could this be part of It? Help please. I'm so depressed again it's worse than it ever has been....I'm starting to believe what she's calling me.


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## ButtPunch

Generation said:


> Hey guys I have been with my wife for 2 years. I am a combat veteran and have struggled with severe ptsd and anxiety since 2012. I was injured by a roadside bomb in Kabul, Afghanistan and was prescribed some oxys to manage the pain.
> The problem was... I started using the pills to help with more than Just physical pain...But to help drown out the emotional turmoil as well. My wife knew going into our marriage I was an addict, and sure as **** after being clean 2 years I relapsed...twice. to make things worse I lied to her about it and his it the best I could. She is not dumb though and quickly found out. She gave me one last chance. So fast forward here I am 9 months clean and all the sudden she has grown suspicious. She is bringing up the past, threatening to leave, calling me names like dumbass and "junkie", and threatens to leave me daily. We have two beautiful infants together, and I love this woman more than life itself. She has grown so mean I don't know what to do, I offer her drug tests, let her know my whereabouts at all times, it doesn't work. I get verbally abused daily. She just gave birth 3 weeks ago. Could this be part of It? Help please. I'm so depressed again it's worse than it ever has been....I'm starting to believe what she's calling me.


She sounds checked out.

Check your phone bill.


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## BioFury

Generation said:


> Hey guys I have been with my wife for 2 years. I am a combat veteran and have struggled with severe ptsd and anxiety since 2012. I was injured by a roadside bomb in Kabul, Afghanistan and was prescribed some oxys to manage the pain.
> The problem was... I started using the pills to help with more than Just physical pain...But to help drown out the emotional turmoil as well. My wife knew going into our marriage I was an addict, and sure as **** after being clean 2 years I relapsed...twice. to make things worse I lied to her about it and his it the best I could. She is not dumb though and quickly found out. She gave me one last chance. So fast forward here I am 9 months clean and all the sudden she has grown suspicious. She is bringing up the past, threatening to leave, calling me names like dumbass and "junkie", and threatens to leave me daily. We have two beautiful infants together, and I love this woman more than life itself. She has grown so mean I don't know what to do, I offer her drug tests, let her know my whereabouts at all times, it doesn't work. I get verbally abused daily. She just gave birth 3 weeks ago. Could this be part of It? Help please. I'm so depressed again it's worse than it ever has been....I'm starting to believe what she's calling me.


I'm hardly an expert with pregnancy, but I do believe that the sudden hormone change can have unpleasant side effects on a woman's mood and outlook on life. So you might just give it a little time and see if she improves.

On your part, you need to think long and hard about what the long-term, bullet proof solution is for you to not relapse again. You have one more chance, don't blow it. Implement the solution now, and destroy any loophole opportunities you have.


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## Machjo

...


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## Edo Edo

Generation said:


> Hey guys I have been with my wife for 2 years. I am a combat veteran and have struggled with severe ptsd and anxiety since 2012. I was injured by a roadside bomb in Kabul, Afghanistan and was prescribed some oxys to manage the pain.
> The problem was... I started using the pills to help with more than Just physical pain...But to help drown out the emotional turmoil as well. My wife knew going into our marriage I was an addict, and sure as **** after being clean 2 years I relapsed...twice. to make things worse I lied to her about it and his it the best I could. She is not dumb though and quickly found out. She gave me one last chance. So fast forward here I am 9 months clean and all the sudden she has grown suspicious. She is bringing up the past, threatening to leave, calling me names like dumbass and "junkie", and threatens to leave me daily. We have two beautiful infants together, and I love this woman more than life itself. She has grown so mean I don't know what to do, I offer her drug tests, let her know my whereabouts at all times, it doesn't work. I get verbally abused daily. She just gave birth 3 weeks ago. Could this be part of It? Help please. I'm so depressed again it's worse than it ever has been....I'm starting to believe what she's calling me.



Thank you for your service to our country. I'm very sorry for both your injury and current situation with your wife. 

Please do not believe what she is saying. If she only gave birth a few weeks ago, her hormones have been raging for months. I would give her time to get back to normal. You know in your heart that you are 9 months clean - and that is what matters right now. Carry yourself with pride of that knowledge and perhaps she will catch on too. If a few months go by, you are still clean, and she still behaves like this, I would recommend marriage counseling to help get at the heart of the matter...

What was the problem that your wife had with using pills for the emotional aspect of your healing? It might help if she were able to speak with a psychiatrist to help her better understand the nature of what you are struggling with. Or were the pills only prescribed for the pain aspect?

If she has a bias against opiate-based pills, do you live in a state in which cannabis is legal or decriminalized? This has been used both as a remedy against the turmoil of PTSD and to ease the addiction to opiate drugs.


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## Generation

Thanks guys I will work with the advice given, and really no need for the phone bill comment bud. Already dealt with that once before in my previous marriage when I was deployed (left me for obvious reasons, back to back deployments) so I am aware of the red flags. To those who gave a **** to respond, thanks. I will implement what I can.


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## SentHereForAReason

Generation said:


> Thanks guys I will work with the advice given, and really no need for the phone bill comment bud. Already dealt with that once before in my previous marriage when I was deployed (left me for obvious reasons, back to back deployments) so I am aware of the red flags. To those who gave a **** to respond, thanks. I will implement what I can.


Two things to echo;

1. Thank you for your service sir!

2. And as much as you don't like to hear it, the phone bill comment is not out of line in my opinion. As soon as I saw the symptoms, I thought the same thing but being that she just gave birth, I don't know to be honest. If you are going to be resistant suggestions here of someone else though, you might be in the wrong place. TAM is filled with a lot of vets that have seen all types of behavior and many of us have seen or are going through right now the pain of their being someone else, even when we could swear there's not.


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## sandcastle

ButtPunch said:


> She sounds checked out.
> 
> Check your phone bill.


Good Lord and all things holy-
Yeah , check your phonebill cause she just gave birth.

She is talking to the REAL baby daddy.

Seriously- this is exhausting.


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## sokillme

Generation said:


> Hey guys I have been with my wife for 2 years. I am a combat veteran and have struggled with severe ptsd and anxiety since 2012. I was injured by a roadside bomb in Kabul, Afghanistan and was prescribed some oxys to manage the pain.
> The problem was... I started using the pills to help with more than Just physical pain...But to help drown out the emotional turmoil as well. My wife knew going into our marriage I was an addict, and sure as **** after being clean 2 years I relapsed...twice. to make things worse I lied to her about it and his it the best I could. She is not dumb though and quickly found out. She gave me one last chance. So fast forward here I am 9 months clean and all the sudden she has grown suspicious. She is bringing up the past, threatening to leave, calling me names like dumbass and "junkie", and threatens to leave me daily. We have two beautiful infants together, and I love this woman more than life itself. She has grown so mean I don't know what to do, I offer her drug tests, let her know my whereabouts at all times, it doesn't work. I get verbally abused daily. She just gave birth 3 weeks ago. Could this be part of It? Help please. I'm so depressed again it's worse than it ever has been....I'm starting to believe what she's calling me.


If it were me I would call her on it.

"Look you are right I did all those things, but if you want to go forward you have to forgive me, if not lets just call it."

But then you can't f up again. 2 chances is enough. You wife needs to feel safe and admire you, she can't do that is you are messing up. If you are feeling down, reach out to her to help you.

And thanks for your service. Also you should always check you phone bill every once and a while I wish it wasn't like this but that is how people are now a days. Trust but verify.


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## tom72

Generation said:


> Thanks guys I will work with the advice given, and really no need for the phone bill comment bud. Already dealt with that once before in my previous marriage when I was deployed (left me for obvious reasons, back to back deployments) so I am aware of the red flags. To those who gave a **** to respond, thanks. I will implement what I can.


Females can get pretty bad depression after birth. has it gotten worse after the birth?


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## farsidejunky

Look, dude. Dismiss the phone bill advice if you want to...at your own peril.

How many times did you see a soldier that you knew was not using drugs... absolutely knew it...yet they pop hot on a piss test? I saw it dozens of times.

Hell, there was a couple times in the early part of my 20-year military career that the only reason I didn't get caught was timing. I was one of those soldiers that people "knew" would never use, too.

The reason you must rule out her carrying on in any way with somebody else is because the actions necessary for an emotional affair versus simply being checked out are dramatically different.

Do your damn homework, then come back and tell BP he was wrong. Because frankly, I think he'd rather be wrong then right in this case.


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## Rowan

Your wife has a 3-week old baby. So, I'm guessing that means she's still dealing with a host of fairly unpleasant physical and psychological impacts from having been pregnant and then having given birth. Lots of places hurt, or are bleeding or leaking, or some combination of both, at random moments. There's a tiny squalling poop machine attached to either her hip or her breasts all day and night. She's likely severely sleep deprived, may not be eating properly, and might not even be getting in a hot shower every day. How involved are you with the care of your newborn? Could she be resenting a hands-off-approach? 

You've seen - and experienced - people slipping off the edge. Is that what's happening to her? Post-partum depression is a real thing. Every bit as real as PTSD. Step back a bit from how her behavior is impacting _you_ and try to watch her closely for signs that she's dangerously overwhelmed or is struggling badly in other scenarios. Is she generally short-tempered, impatient, frustrated? Does she have rages she seems to not be able to control? Does she cry a lot or seem disconnected from what's going on around her? Does it seem like she's not really bonding with the baby? In short, if someone in your unit was behaving like your wife is, would you be worried about his mental and emotional health? If that's a yes, then your wife needs real help. She needs you to focus less on how her drowning is affecting you, and more on being strong enough to help her back to shore. If she's suffering from PPD, her OB would be the best place to start asking for help.


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## Txquail

Look thru her phone. If she doesnt want you to touch it. Red flags, lights and sirens....


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## Ragnar Ragnasson

Combined with possibly acting out to cover something she's done or doing. Something is fishy. I dig the above answer; be strong to help her if post partum combined with be strong if you have to take more independent actions. It's best not to enable her by going along with her outbursts IE silence on the matter equals tacit approval equals showing her she can keep verbally abusing. It will get worse if no one applies the brakes in some manner. Good luck.....a tough situation.


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## msrv23

As a woman who went through giving birth I would say that most probably your wife is going through a hard phase which led her to become more emotional and irritable. Of course that this is not excuse to be mean but please be there for her this time as she was there for you. Marriage means we give support and sometimes forgive their bad phases even if we have to take more weight on our shoulders, as long as it doesn’t prolong for too much of course.

Giving birth and having a child is a lot. Some women handles it easier and some harder, and some babies are also harder. If she is waking up often, probably does, then sleep deprivation can take a huge toll. She is recovering from birth, having little sleep and rest, taking care of the kids and all. Also trying to adjust on what it means to be a mother.
Does she have help from family? Do you share the load? Are family and friends helpful or can they be a bit too much? Sometimes people try to give advice with good intentions but they can seem critical of the parenting skills. Things like asking if baby is hungry all the time can for example seem like the parents not feeding baby well. If she is breastfeeding then there can also be difficulties, it is not easy. Some mothers have plenty milk but comments can make them insecure.

Remember, be there for her and overlook her moodiness because that’s a cry for support. Of course don’t tolerate anything, talk to her when she feels better, but be there for her the way you’d like her to be there for you.


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## cc48kel

I know I wasn't pleasant after my second birth either. I was overwhelmed actually. Maybe she is overwhelmed and feels like she has to keep tabs on you as well. Just help her out as much as you can with kids, meals, cleaning, etc... You know you are doing your part so this is great! 

Can you make an appointment with a marriage counselor? Perhaps this will help.


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## NobodySpecial

sokillme said:


> If it were me I would call her on it.
> 
> "Look you are right I did all those things, but if you want to go forward you have to forgive me, if not lets just call it."
> 
> But then you can't f up again. 2 chances is enough. You wife needs to feel safe and admire you, she can't do that is you are messing up. If you are feeling down, *reach out to her to help you*.
> 
> And thanks for your service. Also you should always check you phone bill every once and a while I wish it wasn't like this but that is how people are now a days. Trust but verify.


FWIW reach out to NA and/or AA to help you.


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