# Infidelity



## eljonesen (Jun 8, 2012)

I want to first thank everyone who has shared their story-It is comforting, yet sad, to know that there are others who have dealt with infidelity.

In November of this year i caught my wife having an affair with a coworker. I told her it needs to end and yet it didn't. I left and she pleaded for me to come back and said she was sorry. We went to counseling together and she gets mad because the counselor takes my side. She has said sh would commit suicide so I called the police-that ended those threats. She calls me a dumba^& and an a hole when we get in an arguement so now I just walk away. She has broken my phone, our computer screen and has hit me when she gets angry. Recently I have noticed that her activity log on facebook account dealing with friends have empty spaces where friends should be. My gut is telling me her special friend is still popping up. I have never cheated on her nor would I NOW. But I know this is a toxic relationship not just for me, but for my two boys as well. The last thing I want them to be raised in is a house where they learn this is how a man should be treated. I know she has learned this behavior from her mom. And the thing about it is-is that she blames all of her problems on me-not her actions. I tried leaving once before and said how can you do this to our kids. My favorite sayings from her-put on big boy pants-Be a dad to our boys-You're too sensative-I don't remember ______doing that to you. Mind you, I am a teacher so being a father to my boys is the most important thing to me in the world! If you can give any advice on the situation then that would be great. Thank you for help and prayes!

Jonesey


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## joe kidd (Feb 8, 2011)

*Re: Almost ready to leave.....Infidelity*

I went through infidelity. If mine would have not shown anything but remorse and a true desire to work on this I would have left. Sounds as if you are going through hell. Next time she tells you to "put on your big boy pants" do it.....leave. Just say yeah I will , but I don't keep them here.


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

Welcome, Jonesey! 

Let me know if you would like me to move your thread to the 'Coping With Infidelity' section, as you might get more responses.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Yes, have your thread moved to CWI.

So your wife cheats on you, emotionally and verbally and physically abuses you, is disrespectful to the extreme, guilt trips you with the kids, and you are still living under the same roof???

Tell her to get the he!! out. No way should you be putting up with that crap. Nor should you have to leave - she's the one acting like a two year old.

Unless she gets herself into some heavy duty counseling, I doubt she'll ever change either. Get a lawyer, move some money where she can't touch it, get financial info in order (including info on her) and get ready to end this with divorce.


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## eljonesen (Jun 8, 2012)

Swedish, that would be awesome if you moved this post-many thanks!!!!!! I appreciate alll of your guy's support and you sound like my brothers. I reflect back to the old me and I never had a problem breaking up with someone-maybe that's because I didn't have kids with them.


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## Halien (Feb 20, 2011)

Moved to Coping with Infidelity


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## BigLiam (May 2, 2012)

Start reading up on the cluster B personality disorders. She fits.


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## AngryandUsed (Jun 23, 2011)

Sorry that you are facing hardships in your relationship.
Tough.

Can you take your children and raise them?


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## Encore DT (May 29, 2012)

*Re: Almost ready to leave.....Infidelity*



joe kidd said:


> I went through infidelity. If mine would have not shown anything but remorse and a true desire to work on this I would have left. Sounds as if you are going through hell. Next time she tells you to "put on your big boy pants" do it.....leave. Just say yeah I will , but I don't keep them here.


I would also set up some spy cameras in a few key places in the house to record her abusive behavior. You will need it in court for the divorce process. Otherwise your two boys will continue to grow up seeing exactly what you don't want them to see, whether you're in your wife's life or somebody else.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Do you live in the US? If you do, then please start preparing yourself for a divorce. Select a good divorce attorney who has successfully represented men going through divorce (cannot stress the importance of this highly enough) and go to *Dads divorce* and read everything in the thread titled *Lessons Learned - Before and During*. Your wife's abusive behavior shows that she has lost the fear of you leaving her, so you can no longer rely on it to gain the upper hand. You need to prepare yourself NOW.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Do not move out. She can turn around and allege abandonment. Make her leave!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

Dear Jonesy - two things I would never put up with a) someone hitting me and b) someone cheating on me - both show utter contempt and disrespect and you are dealing with both - get rid, right now, and never look back

let some other sucker deal with this nightmare and find yourself a good one

prepare for battle my friend, the TAM force is with you


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## EverRain (Jun 6, 2012)

Also keep a journal, write EVERYTHING down and date it...
If she is neglectful to kids...(even coming home late is neglecting your children), disrespectful in anyway to you (if this occurs in front of children, make sure to state that) 
This is a reference that will help you gain custody of your children....hopefully it doesn't get to this point and you can work things out, but it is always good to be prepared for the worst....


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Hope1964 said:


> Yes, have your thread moved to CWI.
> 
> So your wife cheats on you, emotionally and verbally and physically abuses you, is disrespectful to the extreme, guilt trips you with the kids, and you are still living under the same roof???
> 
> ...


Violence? By either spouse, especially, I suppose the cheater, is very bad. She is setting a dreadful example.

Get a VAR on your person to ensure you have a record of what is said and done to protect yourself. Plus one for her car, too?


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

bandit.45 said:


> Do not move out. She can turn around and allege abandonment. Make her leave!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:iagree:


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

> Get a VAR on your person to ensure you have a record of what is said and done to protect yourself


This, and ignore of the bull**** she might say, just look ''through'' her, as she was some ghost.


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## OldWolf57 (Mar 20, 2012)

buy a VAR and keep it on you around her, then, the next time she acts violent, call the cops and play it for them. Have her locked up. That takes care of the custody issues and gets her out of your house. Whos to say, with you gone, she may take it out on them. And you don't want that.


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## eljonesen (Jun 8, 2012)

Thank yoou all for the great advice-I have been keeping a secret journal for myself and it helps a lot. She gets pissed when she says something from the past and I know it's not true, because I read my journal evereymorning, and call her on it. It's funny-when she is around other people she is just so friendly and warm-then when she is not around others-she is the exact oppossite! I am definately getting a var. I need proof of her actions because everyone would look at me like I'm crazy.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

You may be interested in reading the information contained in *Surveillance Methods As A Defense*.


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## OldWolf57 (Mar 20, 2012)

Guess what ?? Its time to put on the BIG BOY pants. keylogger, VAR, and separate accounts. She asked you do, the pants that is. What kind of phone do you have ?? If it has a camcorder, next time she starts buildig up for a blowup, try to ease it out an record her butt. In fact, start keeping it in your hand. I have 7 home screens, but keep the camcorder on my main screen , instaed of the camera. Its quiet so all you have to do is hit the red button. You see how she has set the stage, where you would not be believed, so you have to play by your own rules, and let the lady see you with the big boy pants on.


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## Will_Kane (Feb 26, 2012)

Does she still work with the other man?

When did their affair supposedly end?

Is he married? Kids?


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## eljonesen (Jun 8, 2012)

No she no longer works with him-but works a mile away from him. Yes he has wife and kids and she knows about them cuz I told her and gave her transcripts of their email. also, my wife said all they did was kiss, but funny when I just found this morning in her phone pix of him from november and her naked-alone-and then another wearing a teddy. HMMM I think they did sleep together-thank god I have my emotions in check! According to her-he was just a friend to listen to me-obviously more than that.


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