# 12 Warning Signs That It’s Emotional Infidelity – And Not ‘Just Friendship’



## Emerging Buddhist (Apr 7, 2016)

Found this on one of my Pinterest "fresh pins" notification pokes... thought it worthy of sharing because it outlined the threat with clarity as well as the discussions that followed.

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/rela...emotional-infidelity-and-not-just-friendship/

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/relationships/discuss/14168/


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

I agree with the individual points of the list but it's written for someone who thinks they may be in an EA ..... not for the left out partner trying to figure out is their partner is in an EA.

For the latter's point of view I would add:

1. When that "friend" seems to control your partner's mood.
2. When your partner laughs at the type of jokes that they admonish when you tell.
3. Allow behaviors of his EA that he will i/ she will not tolerate in you. for example, my exH was absolutely cutting if I made the mistake of saying something that I had once said before. With his EA, apparently he didn't notice that she was telling the same story over and over about her cat.
4. You reailse that resources between you are prioritised for her. Time is a resource. So is money. Have you learned / figured out that your partner made decisions because that's what the EA wanted or that it favored him / her and worse, disadvantaged you. Has your partner ever outright said no to you about decision?


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

11 out of 12. 

Not bad.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Good list. Unfortunately, most people don't pay attention to what they are doing until it's far too late.


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## TX-SC (Aug 25, 2015)

The second link is very telling. So many arguing that the article is over the top and how close opposite sex friendships are not an issue. In fact, many say that if it happens then obviously the marriage was in trouble anyway. So clueless...


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## Ghost Rider (Mar 6, 2017)

NextTimeAround said:


> I agree with the individual points of the list but it's written for someone who thinks they may be in an EA ..... not for the left out partner trying to figure out is their partner is in an EA.
> 
> For the latter's point of view I would add:
> 
> ...


These were true for my wife and her other guy, even before they started their physical affair. Yes, I did notice at the time.


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## PieOhMy (Sep 26, 2014)

Been there, done that! Lol jk... sort of. 

If it interests anyone or are in circumstances like this, look back in my posts, which there are many... you will see one about my husband and his married female "friend." I have several other posts so please don't judge. The drama seems to finally be over and hubby and I have made it through. So I'm happy to leave it behind. 

Also, there was a time that I sent flirtatious texts to a co-worker. Lasted all of 4 days because I had just put my resignation in and not really hiding it, my husband saw the messages and almost divorced me. 

Anyways, this co-worker hit on me a few times and I could tell he was interested but never acknowledged his flirtations because I'm married and wasn't interested. But one day, after a bunch of drama with my husband's parents and him threatening divorce the past month...I just about had it...I was only being supportive and helpful to him and his parent's and he accused me of trying to sabotage their wire transfer. For some reason, that hit me really hard. And so when my co-worker was asking me about something work related...I sent a very late response to one of his earlier flirtations. And then we were texting, flirtatious. Nothing sexual but it was definitely flirtatious. Actually, most sexual it got was when he told me he wanted to kiss me and I asked why lol. 

My poor H was so heartbroken about this. He actually even thought I cheated on him, physically. But I did not. We never even flirted in person, all via text. 

I'd like to say this was maybe the beginning of an emotional affair but at the time, all I knew was that I did not want to think about how hurt I felt by my husband and shake the feeling that I was nothing. In my head, I was not going to be working there by the following week, so I thought what the hell. Of course, my co-worker was only paying me compliments. Although there were times I was like, "This is horrible what I'm doing..." and then I'd cry hysterically because I couldn't believe that I was flirting with another man. So I would stop responding. And then I'd look at my husband and try to snuggle with him, be affectionate, and he'd push me away. And then I'd get even more upset. And then my phone would vibrate, with a cheery message from my co-worker, and I'd respond. Again, this went on for 4 days lol. I sometimes wonder if I wanted my husband to find out. I wasnt doing anything to really hide my phone or delete messages. I accidentally left my phone at home the day he saw the messages which I never do. I was not attracted to this guy. I did not share anything personal with this guy. I didn't complain to him about my marriage. I did not think about him all the time... almost felt like I used him as a distraction. I did not have any interest in seeing him more often. We didn't sneak around at work, we barely talked at work. We talked about school, frustrations at work, scheduling and coverage. I was ommitting it...although I never lied about it even told my hubby that my co-worker was hitting on me...I definitely was NOT telling him I was doing it. Still hiding.

So...it does happen. And if I wasn't resigning from the job and if my hubby hadn't seen the conversations...It may have kept going. Who knows. But it's a slippery slope and happens fast. I'm not proud of it...I still feel horrible about it. I didn't even like the guy, it was such a stupid move. 

Although I did not feel any emotions towards this man, I was still reaching outside of my marriage to mask my own emotions and hurt. 

So everybody, don't do it!! It's so hurtful and disrespectful to your SO and if you think it won't happen to you, think twice. You never know. And if you think it's just some flirtatious messages, you're wrong! You may not have initiated it but it's still your job to put a stop to it. 


Sent from my SM-N920V using Tapatalk


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## Red Sonja (Sep 8, 2012)

“The bottom line is this. If you are sharing things with the “friend”, whether it’s too much time, too much attention, too much personal information and too much of your thought life, that belong solely to your spouse, you are on a very slippery slope. Anything that interferes with the emotional intimacy between spouses is a problem.”

The above entry, in the comment section, explains (for me) perfectly why EA’s destroy marriages.

In my own marriage my H was so busy venting to his OW (plural) that he never talked to me about any of his issues, not once in 28 years. I was never given the opportunity to address any of his complaints because I never heard them. This behavior is what started the demise of our marriage.


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