# Should I stay or Should I go...



## bigblackboots (Jun 27, 2013)

Greetings Everyone!

I figure the best way to do this is to give my story (the best I can) and then ask my questions at the end...

So here it goes...


During my college years I had a few girlfriends, but none I would consider being "The One".

I moved back home after running out of money and losing my residence in a flood. I lived with my mother for a bit, trying to get back on my feet and figure out what I really wanted to do. In the meantime, I worked as a change clerk at a local casino.

One night, I started talking to a gal that was playing a slot machine. Initially, I was just talking her up like I did with all customers in hopes I would get a tip later, but after a while, we saw what might be a spark, and I asked her to join me for coffee after I got off work.

Coffee turned into dating, and I soon found out she was married before. She described her ex as a decietful man who she found was hiding bills and not paying them. At the time, this sounded pretty logical on why you would split up.

Dating soon found us living together. Everything seemed pretty darn good. We both had steady jobs and were happy. We had a modest one bedroom apartment and we had fun decorating it and making it our own. Most importantly, our house was always clean and usable.

Sex was good. Not great, but I didnt mind. She had a weird thing about always having the lights off and even the TV. Self esteem issues I chalked it up to.

I thought we could have a life together, so one night, I popped the question. She said sure! Later that night, we went to a street dance and when she was with her friends, I asked her if she told them the news. She asked what news, and when I reminded her, she said "Oh, you were serious?"

That being said, we got married the next year and bumped up from an apartment, to a mobile home.

Sex slowed down some, but was still enjoyable. Got to be really redundant though.

I must add in here an addendum to keep it honest... I had an issue right before we got married where I was addicted to an online game and it caused problems. More on that later.

Once we were in the new home, we wanted to start the family. We had our daughter the following year and we seemed to be happy. Three years went by and our first son was born. We started getting in fights alot more than normal and I withdrew into gaming again. Of course I knoew she did not approve, so I kept it secret only to have her catch me a couple times and our animosity grew.

I finally quit gaming for good, but she never believed me. We fought often and things just kept getting worse.

Our house was always messy and nothing ever was done being done. We always had a project going. Mostly fixing the house up and making it our own.

Sex at this point was non existant. Yeah we made some kids, but besides those bouts of "trying", sex usually happed about 3 times a year.

So we bumped up to a house now and had our third and final child, another boy.

Everything at this point is pure anger most days.fights usually involve her breaking my stuff, throwing my clothes outside, or throwing things at me. I never touch her except for the offchance times where I push her away or try to save my stuff from destruction.

Most times, during arguments, she had threatened divorce. I always found that harsh and evil and wondered how she could just throw that out there so easilly. But now it doesnt phase me and I respond "whatever, do what you have to". I am not hurt by it anymore. Nothing she says hurts anymore, which scares me.

This whole timeline brings us to this year. Just before christmas, we got into another fight about something stupid. She lets the kids do whatever they want and I am strict. One of my boys mouthed off and I turned the Xbox off. He got mad and told mommy and she came and started yelling at me to turn it back on. When I refused, she threatened to throw my new Ipad out into the snow. When I reached around her to get it, she bit my hand and wouldnt let go. I finally let go and called 911.

I did not mean for her to get in trouble, I just wanted to difuse the situation, but when they showed up, the arrested her for domestic abuse. When they released her, they put a restraining order on her which kept her away from the house and us. I did not request this, it just happened.

I then got a phone call from child services. Turns out, the police called them due to the state the house was in. A complete mess and strong smell of animals.

My wife likes animals. We currently have 4 cats and 2 dogs. We have had more, but I keep finding ways for them to leave. They pee and poop everywhere, they dont get trained, the neighbors hate us because of them. And Myself and 2 of my children are asthmatic.

Everytime I get rid of an animal, 2 replace it. Its insane!!!

So while she was gone, I confined the animals, and cleaned the house. It took me almost 2 weeks, but that place was spotless.

The agent checked on us and said everything was good. She also express concern about my wife and her being the problem, but she said that was my problem and I needed to fix it.

She ended up going to court and I gave the ok for her to come home.

Not 2 weeks after she is home, the house starts to deteriorate.

She buys stuff all the time. We have like 15 lamps. I went through the kids clothes and the boys (3 &5) have a combined 182 shirts! Cant park in the garage due to the piano, organ, various furniture and other crap I couldnt find room in the basement for.

I did get rid of a bunch of things while she was out, but she *****es about them being missing all the time.

She sleeps all the time but says she doesnt sleep well at night. She just now lost her job that she has been with for the past 22 years and is home all day.

We have taken the kids out of day care to save the money, but after 2 weeks she is crying saying that she cant handle them anymore.

Out of desperation, I took her with me on a business trip without the kids. It was a 2 hour drive. I tried starting multiple conversations and all were shot down. She loved the trip, but we did not connect at all.

I just dont feel we are friends let alone lovers or companions. And she feels the same acording to a letter I found in her email...

"...I don't know if we have ever been friends. He is not the kind of guy I wouldve even hung out with before."

She spends more money than we have. Our house was almost forclosed on twice. Her mother passed and left us almost 200k which lasted a summer. She took out her 401k after leaving this job and its almost gone (60k).

I am going insane and she says I am always mad. I AM!!

I am almost positive I want to walk away, but I have no support system to help me emotionally and I dont want the kids to have to deal with a divorce like I did when I was little.

I KNOW I could handle the kids by myself, but dont know if they would be given to me.

Sorry for the endless rant and wall of text, but...

I am scared, and lost.


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## Alpha (Feb 18, 2013)

Put it this way, you are living in a toxic environment. Your kids are better off not being in one. Your kids also side with your wife because she has painted you out to be the bad guy. You don't have any emotional support at home. The house is a mess, it stinks, your wife has a spending disease, you get zero sex, and she says that you are the kind of guy she would have never hung out with before.

The next time she offers divorce take it. Or better yet, you do her the favor and serve her papers and get the F*ck out of Dodge!!


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## mattsmom (Apr 2, 2013)

Boots,

I'm no expert, but it seems as though you would have a very good chance of getting custody of the kids. Your wife now has a documented record of violence, and the department of children's services has a record of what happened before, as well. It seems quite simple, really. If you don't take the kids, they could well eventually become wards of the state, even if only for an interim period until they find you. Sounds like getting out with your children is the best option for everyone.

Blessings,
Mattsmom


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