# Separating from my husband after 13 years



## Drshorty91 (12 mo ago)

I’m new to this app. Me and my
Husband have decided to part ways. We were highschool sweet hearts . Been with him since I was 16 ( just turned 30). Sadly my husband has always cheated on me. The last cheat was the most painful one. He cheated with a co worker 1 year and a half ago. I took him back and now we are separating again. I can’t get over all the cheating he has done. Since the last cheating , he has been working so hard to earn my trust. He even learned how to cook and help around more often. A few months ago, all this started to fade. He got tired of changing and not seeing me happy. We have decided this is the last week he will be living with us. We have two kids 11 year old and 8 year old. Even though my
Marriage wasn’t happiness, I can’t help but feel very sad and extremely scared of being without him. Any words of encouragement will be greatly appreciated!


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Drshorty91 said:


> I can’t help but feel very sad and extremely scared of being without him. Any words of encouragement will be greatly appreciated!
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


_Without_ does not mean, forever _without_ a partner.

At thirty, you will find a new man to fill the void.

A man to have and to hold, to love.
A man who will be trusting and loyal.

This is his _Karma_ turning on him, not your's.

For you, it is a new road, a new chapter in your _Book of Life._

New beginnings can be a blessing. 

Take pause, take you time, this (upcoming) go-around.
Make wise choices, you have time.
Time is our most valuable asset.


_Nemesis-_


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## Drshorty91 (12 mo ago)

SunCMars said:


> _Without_ does not mean, forever _without_ a partner.
> 
> At thirty, you will find a new man to fill the void.
> 
> ...


Thank you so much ! It might be his karma but wow I’m feeling it. I find it so unfair that I still have to suffer emotionally .


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

Drshorty91 said:


> I’m new to this app. Me and my
> Husband have decided to part ways. We were highschool sweet hearts . Been with him since I was 16 ( just turned 30). Sadly my husband has always cheated on me. The last cheat was the most painful one. He cheated with a co worker 1 year and a half ago. I took him back and now we are separating again. I can’t get over all the cheating he has done. Since the last cheating , he has been working so hard to earn my trust. He even learned how to cook and help around more often. A few months ago, all this started to fade. He got tired of changing and not seeing me happy. We have decided this is the last week he will be living with us. We have two kids 11 year old and 8 year old. Even though my
> Marriage wasn’t happiness, I can’t help but feel very sad and extremely scared of being without him. Any words of encouragement will be greatly appreciated!
> 
> ...


It makes perfect sense that you feel sad and scared, he's all you've known since you were a girl!!! And it's always sad to lose something that you wanted so badly. 

You obviously tried VERY hard to get over his repeated betrayals and continue to love him, but I think it's much better for YOU that you move on...he is NOT a good partner or husband, and definitely not worth the amount of love that you are willing to give.

I can promise you that you WILL get to a place where the fear and pain are gone, and you will be so happy you moved on!! There are TONS of good men who will want to love and value you and be faithful, if that's what you want. And I believe that even being alone is better than being with someone who you are unable to trust and who doesn't love you the way you love him.


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## Drshorty91 (12 mo ago)

LisaDiane said:


> It makes perfect sense that you feel sad and scared, he's all you've known since you were a girl!!! And it's always sad to lose something that you wanted so badly.
> 
> You obviously tried VERY hard to get over his repeated betrayals and continue to love him, but I think it's much better for YOU that you move on...he is NOT a good partner or husband, and definitely not worth the amount of love that you are willing to give.
> 
> I can promise you that you WILL get to a place where the fear and pain are gone, and you will be so happy you moved on!! There are TONS of good men who will want to love and value you and be faithful, if that's what you want. And I believe that even being alone is better than being with someone who you are unable to trust and who doesn't love you the way you love him.


Your totally right. I tried so hard to keep us together but now I’m just exhausted. I lost my virginity to my husband and planned on being just with him. 


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

Drshorty91 said:


> Your totally right. I tried so hard to keep us together but now I’m just exhausted. I lost my virginity to my husband and planned on being just with him.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


I know...that's how I felt too. But it sounds like you were giving the gift of your sexual self that way to a man who didn't value it at all...and to me that's a waste. It's time for you to value yourself more than he does, and to take care of YOU.

I admire you for trying so hard, and you sound like such a strong person!! But one person cannot hold up a marriage on their own, nor should they! Relationships aren't sustainable that way, because that's the opposite of what they are supposed to be. You are supposed to be PARTNERS, and when one person takes advantage of that from the person they are supposed to love and cherish and protect, then the relationship SHOULD fail.

I am sure you are exhausted!!! And that's why you need to see ending your marriage as a gift of love you are giving to yourself.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

I'm sorry you wasted so many years with a complete piece of ****.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

For what it's worth, people who marry that young very often do part ways once their brains are fully mature which isn't until after the age of 25. I mean when people marry that young the part of their brain that can predict consequences isn't even fully developed, so many times there are lots of mistakes made during the process of exploring while young. But some of the exploring is beneficial and necessary to give you a strong foundation. 

Change is usually good. I think you will become your own person even more than you ever have been now that you don't have this influence in your life. I always say no one should get married until they have lived all on their own and supported themselves and made all their own decisions for at least a couple of years because that's what it takes to really know yourself and rely on yourself and gain that confidence that comes with that. 

So I would urge that you do live on your own for at least a couple of years now instead of going right back out and trying to find someone new because if you do you're likely to make the same mistakes. Give yourself a chance to blossom first and take charge of your life. 

It will be all right.


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## LATERILUS79 (Apr 1, 2021)

I am sorry you are here. Life isn't fair sometimes. Life isn't fair a lot of times.

The silver lining here is that you are removing yourself from infidelity. This is very good news even though you are hurting. You are very young. You have A LOT of life left to live. Do things for yourself, do things with your children. Become happy with yourself. Maybe in the future you'll decide to share yourself with a new man as a loving partner? Maybe you end up being content on your own. Plenty of time to see how things will work out. If you do go down the road of wanting to be in a romantic relationship again, I can assure you that there are many high quality men out there that know how to treat their partner with dignity and respect. You aren't a teenager any more and I suspect you are a better judge of character now than what you were then. 

I'm sorry that you are going to be dealing with a lot of pain right now, but it will get better. There are many people's stories here that are filled with people getting themselves out of infidelity and living fulfilling lives. Push to be happy with yourself. You'll end up fine.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> I'm sorry you wasted so many years with a complete piece of ****.


Right to the point as usual!👍👍


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

You’re young. Dump a cheater and gain a life. That goes double for a serial cheater. He’ll never stop.

Let him be someone else’s problem.

Cut off contact or you’ll keep yourself in this.


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## Drshorty91 (12 mo ago)

LisaDiane said:


> I know...that's how I felt too. But it sounds like you were giving the gift of your sexual self that way to a man who didn't value it at all...and to me that's a waste. It's time for you to value yourself more than he does, and to take care of YOU.
> 
> I admire you for trying so hard, and you sound like such a strong person!! But one person cannot hold up a marriage on their own, nor should they! Relationships aren't sustainable that way, because that's the opposite of what they are supposed to be. You are supposed to be PARTNERS, and when one person takes advantage of that from the person they are supposed to love and cherish and protect, then the relationship SHOULD fail.
> 
> I am sure you are exhausted!!! And that's why you need to see ending your marriage as a gift of love you are giving to yourself.


Thank you so much for your kind words ! Ending my
Marriage has been the best decision I’ve made in my
Life. Today is day one. He’s leaving tonight . I want this nightmare to end 


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## Drshorty91 (12 mo ago)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> I'm sorry you wasted so many years with a complete piece of ****.





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## Drshorty91 (12 mo ago)

Marc878 said:


> You’re young. Dump a cheater and gain a life. That goes double for a serial cheater. He’ll never stop.
> 
> Let him be someone else’s problem.
> 
> Cut off contact or you’ll keep yourself in this.


Exactly ! He’s not my problem anymore and the cheating clearly won’t stop. I pretty sure he has someone lined up at work again. He’s been talking on the phone for hrs with a female co worker and this started last week. This is exactly how he cheated on me with another coworker last time. I’m out of
This forever 


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## Drshorty91 (12 mo ago)

LATERILUS79 said:


> I am sorry you are here. Life isn't fair sometimes. Life isn't fair a lot of times.
> 
> The silver lining here is that you are removing yourself from infidelity. This is very good news even though you are hurting. You are very young. You have A LOT of life left to live. Do things for yourself, do things with your children. Become happy with yourself. Maybe in the future you'll decide to share yourself with a new man as a loving partner? Maybe you end up being content on your own. Plenty of time to see how things will work out. If you do go down the road of wanting to be in a romantic relationship again, I can assure you that there are many high quality men out there that know how to treat their partner with dignity and respect. You aren't a teenager any more and I suspect you are a better judge of character now than what you were then.
> 
> I'm sorry that you are going to be dealing with a lot of pain right now, but it will get better. There are many people's stories here that are filled with people getting themselves out of infidelity and living fulfilling lives. Push to be happy with yourself. You'll end up fine.


Thanks I really need to get my life together. I feel like I’m soooo old right now but I know I will be fine 


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## Drshorty91 (12 mo ago)

DownByTheRiver said:


> For what it's worth, people who marry that young very often do part ways once their brains are fully mature which isn't until after the age of 25. I mean when people marry that young the part of their brain that can predict consequences isn't even fully developed, so many times there are lots of mistakes made during the process of exploring while young. But some of the exploring is beneficial and necessary to give you a strong foundation.
> 
> Change is usually good. I think you will become your own person even more than you ever have been now that you don't have this influence in your life. I always say no one should get married until they have lived all on their own and supported themselves and made all their own decisions for at least a couple of years because that's what it takes to really know yourself and rely on yourself and gain that confidence that comes with that.
> 
> ...


Your totally right but honestly , we would of had a beautiful love story if he never betrayed so much. I loved this man to infinity ! Now , I just have love for him. I’m not in love anymore. 


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

Drshorty91 said:


> Your totally right but honestly , we would of had a beautiful love story if he never betrayed so much. I loved this man to infinity ! Now , I just have love for him. I’m not in love anymore.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


And leaving him will allow you to create a beautiful love story with someone else that will be REAL.

I know you feel old, but you are VERY young and have your whole life ahead of you!!! Your future is wide open!


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## Drshorty91 (12 mo ago)

LisaDiane said:


> And leaving him will allow you to create a beautiful love story with someone else that will be REAL.
> 
> I know you feel old, but you are VERY young and have your whole life ahead of you!!! Your future is wide open!


Your right ! Right now I just need my kids to be ok. He spoke to them and told them he will be going to his grandma house for a couple of days. I interrupted the conversation, I told them mom and dad haven’t been getting alone lately so the best is for us to part ways. They said ok ! And wow that gave me such a relief . Why? My kids probably know who their dad is and
Therefore don’t even care if he moves out. I saw sadness in his eyes, but he did this. And i don’t want the kids to think he’s coming back. Because he’s not!


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Will you be sharing custody with him? I think it's best to because it leaves you more of a chance to rebuild your life which is hard to do if all you're doing is taking care of kids. He should be doing it half of the time. If you do 50/50 joint custody which is the norm in the United States now, you each have the kids three and a half days of the week in a row and that means you each have them two and a half days through the week and one day on the weekend. It gives you both an equal opportunity to build your careers and a new life.


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## Drshorty91 (12 mo ago)

DownByTheRiver said:


> Will you be sharing custody with him? I think it's best to because it leaves you more of a chance to rebuild your life which is hard to do if all you're doing is taking care of kids. He should be doing it half of the time. If you do 50/50 joint custody which is the norm in the United States now, you each have the kids three and a half days of the week in a row and that means you each have them two and a half days through the week and one day on the weekend. It gives you both an equal opportunity to build your careers and a new life.


I don’t think the kids will be a problem . I have an 11 year old and 8 year old. He’s going to pick them up every weekend with the dog. If he decides not to, that’s his problem . My kids are everything to me so I don’t mind having them all the time. I’m a nurse a thank for I finished school. I’m just hurting badly 


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## Indian_Nerd_Dad (Dec 23, 2021)

Drshorty91 said:


> I’m new to this app. Me and my
> Husband have decided to part ways. We were highschool sweet hearts . Been with him since I was 16 ( just turned 30). Sadly my husband has always cheated on me. The last cheat was the most painful one. He cheated with a co worker 1 year and a half ago. I took him back and now we are separating again. I can’t get over all the cheating he has done. Since the last cheating , he has been working so hard to earn my trust. He even learned how to cook and help around more often. A few months ago, all this started to fade. He got tired of changing and not seeing me happy. We have decided this is the last week he will be living with us. We have two kids 11 year old and 8 year old. Even though my
> Marriage wasn’t happiness, I can’t help but feel very sad and extremely scared of being without him. Any words of encouragement will be greatly appreciated!


Sorry to hear about your situation, but you are doing the correct thing -- if a person has cheated on you more than once then it it is time to move on. Feeling sad is normal -- that is how good people feel. Feeling a bit anxious or "scared" about uncertainty is again normal -- you can mitigate those feelings with a trusted circle of friends or family around you to discuss and make plans. This is the time to be open/honest with the ones you trust and work with them to help with the transition into your new life.

As a 47-year old man with a 30-year old bachelor son (my son was from my stbx's first marriage) I can assure you that there are good men (in your age group) out there with whom you can make a new life. Meanwhile, hopefully you have family and friends you can lean on to help you through this transition. IMHO, giving birth to 2 kids and bringing them up is far-far harder than going through the separation.

Keep a good circle of people and a good job (though the job part could be just a man's perspective) and you will go great.


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