# Husband Uninterested in Sex



## Jojo5722 (Mar 25, 2011)

I seem to have the opposite problem from many of the postings here. I'm an attractive woman in my mid forties, in a marriage for about ten years, and my husband's sexual desire has almost completely faded. Outside of the bedroom, we have a loving, apparently healthy relationship, no children at home as an excuse. He's put on quite a bit of weight, though I still tell him how handsome and sexy he is.

For the past year or so we've had sex once or twice a month, mostly at my urging. I feel rather degraded to be always pushing for sex and most of the time to be turned down. Recenty I told him there'd be no pressure and I'd wait until he wanted to approach me - I thought that might encourage him. That doesn't seem to have helped at all, I just hear the usual, "Tomorrow we'll have some romantic time." which just doesn't happen.

Any suggestions on how to improve the situation and salvage my self esteem?


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## Jamison (Feb 10, 2011)

Has he been to the doctor to rule out any medical issues? That would be the first thing he might want to try, then go from there.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

JoJo, I don't think you're in that uncommon of a situation, unfortunately. Aside from looking at medical issues, have you ruled out an outside affair? It sounds like you have decent communication; have you told him how this makes you feel? Have you talked to either an individual counselor, or a marriage counselor? 

C


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## CallaLily (Jan 13, 2011)

Has he been under any kind of stress lately or does he appear depressed? I agree about getting checked out for medical issues.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Is he more tired than usual, some brain fog, along with the depression? If so, it is possible his testosterone levels have dropped some, and testosterone is what gives us that lusty libido!

Also weight gain can lower his levels some. IN the meantime, read these tips : How to Increase Testosterone Levels Naturally


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## andrew1 (Mar 7, 2011)

I can totally sympathise with you because i'm in the same situation only reversed, my wife has lost all interest in sex. 

When you try to make it romantic and sensual and get rejected it is very degrading, so I understand you, also when she does allow it, afterwards i'm left feeling like i've used her and that isn't a nice feeling either.

Making love with the person you love should be such a beautiful sensual thing, but when one partner goes off it, it can turn into a very unpleasant thing and it beigns to dominate your life and spoil all of the good things you share.

I truly hope it works out for you.


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## enchanted1 (Mar 28, 2011)

I TOTALLY understand your problem, my husband and i have been married for only 5 years and there is little or no sex, (his choice). I am 46 he is 50, i had been married for almost 18 years (lost him to a heart attack) but my husband had never been married before. We talk about the problem but he continually makes excuses for himself, and i am left feeling degraded and ugly. I think he misses the single sex life... he has said as much to me, he doesnt want to be single again but he misses the single sex thing...you know no ties, nothing but sex, he says he knows me so im not intersting to him anymore...i am thinking about asking him for a divorce...he is my best friend but i dont want to be married to my best friend in a sexless relationship...


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

I'm always suspicious of men or women who've never been married and get married in their 50's. First off, what's up with that? Secondly, they're so set in their ways they're going to be inflexible.


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## ladyybyrd (Jan 4, 2011)

I am having the same problem! So far i haven't found anything that helps so i am sorry to say i am not help at all =(


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Not only because I live without, but I can't understand why any man would turn it down. If my wife wanted to have sex on the self checkout scale at Harris-Teeter, I'd do it happily.


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## magnoliagal (Mar 30, 2011)

There was a time when my husband and I only had sex 1-2 a month. In my case it was my fault (not saying it's yours I'm just giving you my story). I was a depressed nag. I nagged him about sex to the point where I think he avoided me just because I harped on him about it. Maybe it was because I attacked his manhood I don't know.

For me it took reading the book The Sex Starved Wife and The Sex Starved Couple to get some insights. I learned some new skills, learned to relax, let go, and started finding new hobbies for myself. I quit pursuing him and just let it go. I got heavily into working out and looking good. Got down to size 2/4, wore a bikini for the first time in decades, etc. I got happy with or without him and got good at masturbating. 

Eventually he came around and now we have sex 2-4 times a week. Eventually I probably would have left him had this not improved. I'm too sexual to spend the rest of my life celebate. I'm 44 and look good for my age (most guess it to be 34ish). I assured myself there were probably lots of men that would love to have sex with me if he didn't. There was peace in that for me.

Good luck. This is a miserable, lonely place to be and I spent years there. It sucked.


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## Babes (Dec 23, 2009)

magnoliagal said:


> There was a time when my husband and I only had sex 1-2 a month. In my case it was my fault (not saying it's yours I'm just giving you my story). I was a depressed nag. I nagged him about sex to the point where I think he avoided me just because I harped on him about it. Maybe it was because I attacked his manhood I don't know.
> 
> For me it took reading the book The Sex Starved Wife and The Sex Starved Couple to get some insights. I learned some new skills, learned to relax, let go, and started finding new hobbies for myself. I quit pursuing him and just let it go. I got heavily into working out and looking good. Got down to size 2/4, wore a bikini for the first time in decades, etc. I got happy with or without him and got good at masturbating.
> 
> ...


THANK YOU for this post! I too have this book and have never read it and am in the same position you were. I need to stop obsessiing about sex with him, read the book and get on with my life! I am 38 (almost ) go to the gym and am going to start spending more time on MYSELF! I am going to stop being a nag and stop being depressed, lets hope things improve


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## jezza (Jan 12, 2011)

JoJo - it can be very depressing indeed for a man to lose the physical ability to 'perform'. Its a real slap to his ego.

As one of the other 'posters' have suggested....get him to have afew tests done...particularly for diabetes.


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## magnoliagal (Mar 30, 2011)

Babes said:


> THANK YOU for this post! I too have this book and have never read it and am in the same position you were. I need to stop obsessiing about sex with him, read the book and get on with my life! I am 38 (almost ) go to the gym and am going to start spending more time on MYSELF! I am going to stop being a nag and stop being depressed, lets hope things improve


I never once believed my husband had any medical issues, he wasn't depressed, didn't have diabetes I honestly felt like we'd just gotten stuck. Me playing the role of the whiny, unhappy wife and him playing the passive avoider. Those books taught me basically to quit doing the same things over and over expecting a different result. It was hard but the biggest thing I did was SHUT UP! I started going out more but not in a passive aggressive way more of a I'm happy and am living my life way. I became a bit UNavailable. As a result he began to pursue me again. I played hard to get and it worked. I also got happy. And I swear I should get an acadamy award for my performance. Inside I was seething about the lack of sex but outwardly I smiled, giggled and acted like I was just fabulous. I never brought up the subject of sex....ever. Even now that things are better I keep my mouth shut (hard but I do it). My rule is NO complaining. 

There are lots of possible solutions in those books but this is the one that worked for me.


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## MarriedWifeInLove (May 28, 2010)

Jojo5722 said:


> I seem to have the opposite problem from many of the postings here. I'm an attractive woman in my mid forties, in a marriage for about ten years, and my husband's sexual desire has almost completely faded. Outside of the bedroom, we have a loving, apparently healthy relationship, no children at home as an excuse. He's put on quite a bit of weight, though I still tell him how handsome and sexy he is.
> 
> For the past year or so we've had sex once or twice a month, mostly at my urging. I feel rather degraded to be always pushing for sex and most of the time to be turned down. Recenty I told him there'd be no pressure and I'd wait until he wanted to approach me - I thought that might encourage him. That doesn't seem to have helped at all, I just hear the usual, "Tomorrow we'll have some romantic time." which just doesn't happen.
> 
> Any suggestions on how to improve the situation and salvage my self esteem?


Sweetie - I got news for you, you do not have a unique or opposite problem of a lot of women here (read other posts).

I too, am an extremely attractive, 50 year old, in good shape that has been married 26+ years and my sex life has gone to h*ll in a handbasket.

I get rejected pretty regularly.

I don't really know the reason either, as my husband won't talk about it.

But I suspect it has to do with his constant viewing of porn, some resentment towards me about prior issues in our marriage, his age, medications, ED issues, etc.

Have you asked him why?


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