# Found Panties In My Bed...



## EverythingU.RNot (Sep 2, 2015)

I was gone at work for three days... Husband didn't call or text me the entire time except twice to ask when I'd be home, and for a ride to work today.

I was excited to see him when I got home, but as soon as he got into the car he started in with his jabs and it was entirely unprovoked... I cried all the way home after I dropped him off, confused as hell...

When I actually went inside the house our room was a disaster area... Not that I'm a neatfreak but it was pretty obvious he had gone through a lot of my things... He must have dedicated several hours if snooping at least and didn't do a very good job of hiding it. (I suspect he was looking for a VAR, as he's confiscated two in the past). He didn't find it and it has a whopping 45 hours recorded... I forgot to turn on the voice-activation...

I was extremely tired and just drained... I went to lay down for a quick nap when I found the cutsey panties in my BED!!!!!!! And they are NOT MINE. I've never seen these before and when I texted him a photo and asked who they belonged to/how they got there, he just said "Try harder" (I've suspected him of cheating with both men and women recently).

I haven't talked to him since.... My dad picked him up from work and took him home for tonight because I had a serious concern there would be a physical altercation if my husband came home to me....

I can't even bring myself to start listening to the VAR yet, and since I've used them in the past, he's learned to blast the TV or radio and my guess is, why do that unless you're hiding something? In any which case, I'm going to focus on trying to be less emotional and more objective. What can I do with these panties as far as having them tested or something? I know for a fact they aren't MINE, aren't even my style and they sure as heck weren't in my bed 3 days ago....


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## Threeblessings (Sep 23, 2015)

Sorry to read this. It sounds like your husband is playing some sort of mind games with you. Can you please elaborate and explain what VAR is? I'm thinking it is perhaps a voice recorder/video camera, something like that???? What has your relationship be like lately? What an obvious place to find a pair of underwear that is not yours! Surely if anyone was there before you they would have left without any panties on???? How likely is it that he purchased them and placed them in the bed so you would find them on purpose? And why does he like going through your things????


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## EverythingU.RNot (Sep 2, 2015)

He is definitely playing mind games... Saying "try harder" is his way of implying that I'm trying to set him up... But I hadn't been home in three days and he pretty much had that entire time off...

The whole past year has been weird, with a lot of small incidences, which is why I started using a VAR (voice activated recorder).

I'm pretty sure he was going through my things either looking for a VAR or proof that I am cheating? He's always accusing me of cheating or doing something behind his back. Many times I've been at work and he will call pretending to wonder where I am, as if I didn't tell him I was going to work and kiss him goodbye a few hours earlier.

He has said and done things so strange I can only assume he is literally going crazy, or intentionally trying to make me crazy.

For instance, the other night while at work I called him to say hi and see what he was up to... He was annoyed and telling me he was watching a documentary on his phone, adding that I should watch it.... I asked him to send me the link as he's done a million times in the past, and he responded, "I DON'T KNOW HOW, just look it up." He doesn't know how? He's done it so many times before that's ridiculous!

So, being a snooping myself, I signed into his email and just 19 minutes prior there was a new sign in from Linux on the account activity section. I've never seen this before, I don't know what it is or what it means....

So it's pretty obvious things are not going well and I'm ok with that. But I still just want that concrete proof before I throw in the towel.... I done know why... His behavior and verbally abusive ways should be more than enough... But I feel like he 'gets away' with something if I don't have that proof....

Ugh. And no, I don't think he purchased these... They are definitely not new, but not too ratty, either....


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

VAR is a voice activated recorder (so you were right).


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

Whether or not the panties were there because a woman wore them or he planted them to mess with you, he sounds like an awful human being .


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## EverythingU.RNot (Sep 2, 2015)

I don't know why I'm so attached to him, I know he's bad. Yes so different now then he used to be....

And he was the one implying I planted the panties on the bed.... But as I said, I hadn't even been home for three days.

It didn't surprise that he said that. Hes constantly trying to flip things back on me....


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## Cecezakat (Jun 20, 2015)

EverythingU.RNot said:


> I don't know why I'm so attached to him, I know he's bad. Yes so different now then he used to be....
> 
> And he was the one implying I planted the panties on the bed.... But as I said, I hadn't even been home for three days.
> 
> It didn't surprise that he sarid that. Hes constantly trying to flip things back on me....


Read about the signs of emotional/pyschological abuse in a relationship. I think you will be surprised at how familiar the behavior sounds. 

I understand you feel a need for even harder evidence. He has been messing with your mind and confidence to the point that you don't feel strong enough to leave unless you see something irrefutable. That shows the grip he has on you and how often he confuses you that you are no longer sure of anything. 

You are letting him get away with your perception of reality and you confidence in your own judgement. Why should he get away with that? 

He is abusive and destroying your sanity. Don't let him control your mind and emotions like that. Leave for that reason alone, don't stick around for some kind of super hard evidence.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

You went away and came home to a trashed bedroom and panties in your bed that aren't yours. Exactly what further proof do you need? 

You're right about one thing. He is getting away with something. As long as you stay, he's getting away with it. He will continue to get away with it until you decide to walk.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EverythingU.RNot (Sep 2, 2015)

It's really kind of sad that I'm not as upset or angry about it as I should be, I think. I just feel sort of numb...

And I believe the primary reason I've never left before was due our mutual financial dependence on one another, myself much more strongly dependent on him as I'm self-employed and my income can vary greatly from month to month....

I do love him.... I just couldn't tell you why... :/


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## Cecezakat (Jun 20, 2015)

You can love someone all you want. But if they are toxic and taking control of your mind and feelings you need to separate your life from theirs. No amount of financial stability is worth the price of emotional and verbal abuse.

Change your life for the better. Don't let this be what you settle your life and hopes on. 

You deserve so much better.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## nursejackie (May 22, 2015)

I am sorry that you are going through this.

"Read the book Codependent no more" my MC recommended it to me. I always thought a codependent had to do with alcoholism but this book explains it differently- you can be so immersed in your spouse and the drama (which produces lots of brain chemicals) that you stop looking after your own life. It suggests detaching and focusing on yourself- similar to the "180" that is talked about on here.

I had become so obsessed with catching my H it was taking up my whole life. I still haven't got the hard proof a year later. I want to stay with him and make things work (I think the EA/PA is over and he is committed to the marriage)but can't deal with the constant emotional upheaval from my snooping and finding suspicious events. I'm looking into this idea- you may be able to use the detachment ideas to help you understand what is going in and  why you are having such a hard time leaving.

Good luck. Lots of good advice on here -keep reading


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

EverythingU.RNot said:


> It's really kind of sad that I'm not as upset or angry about it as I should be, I think. I just feel sort of numb...
> 
> And I believe the primary reason I've never left before was due our mutual financial dependence on one another, myself much more strongly dependent on him as I'm self-employed and my income can vary greatly from month to month....
> 
> I do love him.... I just couldn't tell you why... :/


What does love matter in a relationship with no trust, no honesty, and the damage done by the verbal abuse? This love you feel doesn't seem to be making you happy and secure. 

If you're going to leave, leave. If you're going to stay, stop looking for proof of what you already know, accept it, and carry on. Keeping up like this is insanity.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

EverythingU.RNot said:


> I don't know why I'm so attached to him, I know he's bad. Yes so different now then he used to be....
> 
> And he was the one implying I planted the panties on the bed.... But as I said, I hadn't even been home for three days.
> 
> It didn't surprise that he said that. Hes constantly trying to flip things back on me....


This reminds me of something....

a year years ago I was working on a divorce (doing forensic accounting). The client called me up and said that there was a charge on his credit card that made not sense to a military supply store. So I told him to as his wife since she still had the card.

He asked her. She accused him of making the purchase to buy something to spy on her or otherwise use against her. I then suggested that he search through the trash, which he did. He found the receipt. She had purchased some clothing from the place. He sent me a scan of the crumpled up receipt. 

She was doing stuff like that to him, twisting things and accusing him of being crazy and of doing things to plot against her.

And that reminds me of great places to find evidence... the trash is a very good one. So is the car if he has a car that he uses most of the time.

Pull his credit report. If he has something like a secret mail box, it might show up on the credit report.


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

intheory said:


> I know this is a bit out in left field; but is there any chance that he likes to wear women's panties, and he forgot to hide them??


That's kind of what I was thinking, too. Are they a size that would fit him?

Regardless, his response is not warranted.

That said, I don't know the full story with OP here, so I want to tread carefully, but - what if he's actually innocent, now and in the past, and OP is planting VARs and snooping because she has suspicions of him doing things that he's actually not?

I'm not saying this is the case, but if it is, then perhaps his reactions aren't completely unwarranted.

Either way, there is little to no respect between the two of them, perhaps for good reason.

OP, is there a history of cheating with your husband, or only speculation?


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## EverythingU.RNot (Sep 2, 2015)

Intheory - I have actually caught him going through my panty drawer a few times, but I've never caught him wearing them.... I laughing at the imagery... lol

Ele - some very good ideas, but I'm not on his card account and therefore don't even know what the $2k in charges are for.... And you can bet if I leave I'm going to have to pay half of that....

In any case, I think he knows that I already snoop through the trash, occasionally.... And sadly, I know if he's cheating he probably won't be using protection because he hates them and he's had a vasectomy... But I do still look once in awhile to see if anything strange shows up..... 

We have one car, and I pretty much have it 90% of the time. I've found a woman's hair tie in it before, a half bag of skittles (he's a health nut and abhors candy - and they weren't mine..) And once he left and took an extremely long time doing an errand just 2 miles away and when he returned the passenger side seatbelt was shut in the door. Our passenger side door handle is broken and has to be opened from the inside (so annoying) BUT he said he had thrown some of the trash in the car away (I practically live in the thing). Strangely though, only some trash had been removed, while other trash remained and it seemed as though trash was only removed from the passenger floorboard. But it is not unlike him to do things like this. When we recycle he often only fills the car halfway and He refuses to put as much as possible in there, which is annoying. (We live somewhat rurally so why go [email protected]$$ed if you're going to make the drive anyway)?


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## Dycedarg (Apr 17, 2014)

EverythingU.RNot said:


> It's really kind of sad that I'm not as upset or angry about it as I should be, I think. I just feel sort of numb...
> 
> And I believe the primary reason I've never left before was due our mutual financial dependence on one another, myself much more strongly dependent on him as I'm self-employed and my income can vary greatly from month to month....
> 
> *I do love him.... I just couldn't tell you why... :/*


It is very common to feel this way. You love him because you do. That is not unusual or bad. And when something even as horrible as this happens, the mind will still make an attempt to exonerate that person, to try and find some sense, some reason as to why they did what they did. You do that not because they're a great person, but because you love them. It is a beautiful and touching aspect.

Having said that I would recommend putting that aside as much as you can, especially right now, because this person whom you love does not love you, at least not in the way he should or in the way you deserve. 

Unfortunately the discovery you made is about as damning as it can get. I agree with other posters that there is no reason for you to believe that he has been faithful to you. At best, he is torturing you in the worst possible way. At worst, he has betrayed his vows and you. 

I don't know the logistics, who owns what, what your home is like, but I would say the most important thing is to put physical and emotional distance between him and you. Whether you decide to leave or try to make it work-- this is the all-important first step. 

I'm so sorry.


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## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

After reading your threads, I have to question why would you want to stay marry to this man. Please don't say you love him. Some times love is not enough. Your mental health is important. Being able to be happy with your life is important. Constant worrying, mind games and not being at peace is super stressful. It will affect your health if you keep on living like this. 

I hope you find some peace and can make a decision on how to move forward.


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## EverythingU.RNot (Sep 2, 2015)

alexm said:


> That's kind of what I was thinking, too. Are they a size that would fit him?
> 
> Regardless, his response is not warranted.
> 
> ...



Yes. He has had some emotional infatuations with others, but for the most part it has been excessive porn use combined with zero sex. I now believe he may be chatting/sexting whatever and I believe a ale friend of ours is somehow involved.... I made a previous post about it in a different section of the site....


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## EverythingU.RNot (Sep 2, 2015)

Dycedarg said:


> It is very common to feel this way. You love him because you do. That is not unusual or bad. And when something even as horrible as this happens, the mind will still make an attempt to exonerate that person, to try and find some sense, some reason as to why they did what they did. You do that not because they're a great person, but because you love them. It is a beautiful and touching aspect.
> 
> Having said that I would recommend putting that aside as much as you can, especially right now, because this person whom you love does not love you, at least not in the way he should or in the way you deserve.
> 
> ...


Thank you. If I felt more secure with my income level I would prefer to leave. He can't be happy, either, and I know this and I don't want him to feel constantly spied upon anymore than I want to spy.... I guess by now it's just become a sad hobby of mine.


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## EverythingU.RNot (Sep 2, 2015)

brooklynAnn said:


> After reading your threads, I have to question why would you want to stay marry to this man. Please don't say you love him. Some times love is not enough. Your mental health is important. Being able to be happy with your life is important. Constant worrying, mind games and not being at peace is super stressful. It will affect your health if you keep on living like this.
> 
> I hope you find some peace and can make a decision on how to move forward.


It hasn't been so much why I'd want to stay married as it is just plain convenient for the time being.

I don't foresee either of us changing anytime soon... He has expressed a desire for divorce a few times and each time I tell him to do something about it instead of complaining... And he'll then say "I'll divorce you when you_____" etc. Something like, "when you cheat on me". And he has no real reason to suspect me of being unfaithful all the time... I had a brief emotional affair two years ago while we were separated for six months, and regrettabley, I did not disclose this right away when we got back together. I wish I had because I dont feel like he has ever forgiven me for it. He still brings it up, and not because he's trying to move past it, but because he likes having something to hold over my head, so to speak...

He has talked of moving out.... I hope he does.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

OP, I don't know your backstory. Have you actually discovered any cheating previously, or is it that you suspect it because of suspicious behaviors? Have you discussed the changes in him? What did he say?

If you suspect and have no proof of cheating, there is a chance he's innocent. I can see that he may resent your suspicions if he's innocent, and think you are the one playing games and perhaps cheating - those who are most suspicious of their partner are sometimes that way because they are doing exactly what they suspect of their partner. You are not, but that is common. He's already found 2 VARs. You've found nothing (except panties he may have planted himself). I suspect he's messing with you because he thinks you're paranoid. I'll bet he's angry at being suspected, and doing things to upset you in return. Of course, he may be guilty, but now you may never know.

Regardless, this is not a healthy relationship. You are suspicious and untrusting, and he's either guilty or messing with your paranoia out of spite.


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## Forest (Mar 29, 2014)

This guy sounds like a chump-o-matic little jerk. He needs rides to work? What? Lose his D/L for a DUI or something?

Next time you dad needs to pick him up, he should drop him over a bridge. I can smell loser right thru the computer with this guy.


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## ReidWright (May 15, 2014)

EverythingU.RNot;13979609 said:


> So, being a snooping myself, I signed into his email and just 19 minutes prior there was a new sign in from Linux on the account activity section. I've never seen this before, I don't know what it is or what it means....


he's booting his computer from either a CD or dual boot installation of Linux. I assume he's doing this to bypass any software keylogger he thinks you might have installed.

have you listened to the 45 hour VAR recording? pull it up in audacity and you should be able to jump around the quiet parts pretty quick


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## EverythingU.RNot (Sep 2, 2015)

ReidWright said:


> he's booting his computer from either a CD or dual boot installation of Linux. I assume he's doing this to bypass any software keylogger he thinks you might have installed.
> 
> have you listened to the 45 hour VAR recording? pull it up in audacity and you should be able to jump around the quiet parts pretty quick


THANK YOU! I have do many questions about how and what he's doing with his phone.. . If you are very educated in these things I'd be incredibly grateful for your opinion.

As far as I know, we don't have I internet service at our home. I don't know anything about Linux except that I've never ever seen it before and don't really understand what it is....

Have not listened to the VAR yet, and even though I already have Audacity installed on my computer, it now won't start, mysteriously.. It get gets stuck in boot and I haven't had the funds to take it in yet....


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## ReidWright (May 15, 2014)

EverythingU.RNot said:


> THANK YOU! I have do many questions about how and what he's doing with his phone.. . If you are very educated in these things I'd be incredibly grateful for your opinion.
> 
> As far as I know, we don't have I internet service at our home. I don't know anything about Linux except that I've never ever seen it before and don't really understand what it is....
> 
> Have not listened to the VAR yet, and even though I already have Audacity installed on my computer, it now won't start, mysteriously.. It get gets stuck in boot and I haven't had the funds to take it in yet....


hmmm...if you don't have internet service in your house, maybe he is using his phone as a wifi hotspot. Or he just logged on to his email from a Linux computer somewhere else, maybe for legitimate reasons.

If your audacity isn't loading, just reinstall it. Or any audio program that shows waveforms is fine. It just helps to you see the dead parts of the recording so you don't waste a lot of time.


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## ButtPunch (Sep 17, 2014)

nursejackie said:


> I am sorry that you are going through this.
> 
> "Read the book Codependent no more" my MC recommended it to me. I always thought a codependent had to do with alcoholism but this book explains it differently- you can be so immersed in your spouse and the drama (which produces lots of brain chemicals) that you stop looking after your own life. It suggests detaching and focusing on yourself- similar to the "180" that is talked about on here.
> 
> ...


This

Very good advice here.


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

EverythingU.RNot said:


> I'm going to focus on trying to be less emotional and more objective. What can I do with these panties as far as having them tested or something? I know for a fact they aren't MINE, aren't even my style


You can't be serious... Tested for what? You think some crazy women broke into your house and planted them? Obviously, they belong to the wh0re he was screwing in YOUR bed. What MORE proof do you need? Why would you waste time listening to a VAR? You're literally holding the murder weapon. Doesn't get better than that.

More objective?!? I'm not vested in your situation so he's an objective point of view. He's a POS serial cheat and you have no self respect if you're still with this guy. I think you need to objectively drive your ass to the courthouse and have him served DIVORCE papers. TODAY.


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## EverythingU.RNot (Sep 2, 2015)

ReidWright said:


> hmmm...if you don't have internet service in your house, maybe he is using his phone as a wifi hotspot. Or he just logged on to his email from a Linux computer somewhere else, maybe for legitimate reasons.
> 
> If your audacity isn't loading, just reinstall it. Or any audio program that shows waveforms is fine. It just helps to you see the dead parts of the recording so you don't waste a lot of time.


Well.... He must be using his phone unless there is something I don't know about.... And he should not have logged in anywhere else because I was gone with the car. If he by chance did leave, he made no mention of it to me and he doesn't have very many friends that I know of.... So it's a little strange.

And my computer like will not start at all... The screen just stays black like it's booting, but then the lights shut off and it tries again.... Once a few weeks ago, my husband got mad and knocked my computer on the floor. It was fine after that but now I wonder if something was damaged after all...


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

EverythingU.RNot said:


> He is definitely playing mind games... Saying "try harder" is his way of implying that I'm trying to set him up... But I hadn't been home in three days and he pretty much had that entire time off...
> 
> The whole past year has been weird, with a lot of small incidences, which is why I started using a VAR (voice activated recorder).
> 
> ...


Unless he stole them? Or convinced a colleague that he wanted some old undies as a gag gift for a bachelor party?

If he is cheating: Divorce him!

If he is playing mind games: Divorce him!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EverythingU.RNot (Sep 2, 2015)

BetrayedDad said:


> You can't be serious... Tested for what? You think some crazy women broke into your house and planted them? Obviously, they belong to the wh0re he was screwing in YOUR bed. What MORE proof do you need? Why would you waste time listening to a VAR? You're literally holding the murder weapon. Doesn't get better than that.
> 
> More objective?!? I'm not vested in your situation so he's an objective point of view. He's a POS serial cheat and you have no self respect if you're still with this guy. I think you need to objectively drive your ass to the courthouse and have him served DIVORCE papers. TODAY.


Tested for what? I'm not exactly sure. Why have them tested? So the proof is admissible in court? To prove they aren't mine? I know he will claim they are mine and that I'm crazy with a mental health history (PTSD and anxiety).

And perhaps I will. As much as this consumes me I know it will only get worse and worse and it's just a big fat waste of time.

I do have doubts about being able to support myself, though. We are barely making ends meet with two incomes....


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Go to United Way and ask them to help you find a therapist you can afford on a sliding scale. You need real therapy to find your self worth. 

Your dad picked him up, so I assume your dad will help you get away from this POS loser, at least temporarily until you can afford your own place on your own. 

You're wasting time.


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## EverythingU.RNot (Sep 2, 2015)

I called the crisis hotline yesterday and got some referrals. I really do need help digesting all of this....

And there isn't a realistic option for me to move back in with my parents, although I would if I could.

I think if he has someone on the side he should go live with her....


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## EverythingU.RNot (Sep 2, 2015)

I have a technical question....

So I looked at the email again that stated a new sign-in from Linux on Oct 24. It included the I.P. Address which is very similar to my own that I was able to find on Google. Literally they are the same number with the last two numbers reversed.. Is this ironic or does it mean something?

Also, my device wasn't listed in the recently used devices, even thoughim signed in as we speak... It only has Linux and what says is my husband's phone. We have identical phones and each phone has our name next to it.

Would he really go so far as to rename my phone as his to dupe me?

He's already got me with the whole Gmail/Alias thing I wish I could figure out.

I guess maybe I just like playing detective because after a while it's almost fascinating and I want to understand more of the technical aspect, regardless of what I find out...


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

EverythingU.RNot said:


> So the proof is admissible in court? To prove they aren't mine? I know he will claim they are mine and that I'm crazy with a mental health history (PTSD and anxiety).


If you know they aren't yours then who gives a sh!t what he claims. The fact he would play these games is more proof her is REMORSELSS and DOES NOT LOVE YOU.



EverythingU.RNot said:


> I do have doubts about being able to support myself, though. We are barely making ends meet with two incomes....


And he's probably using you for the same reason. Financial support. You are his security blanket. 

Look better, broke and free, than codependent and abused. That's why you need serious counseling. So you can understand that and find your self worth again.


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## EverythingU.RNot (Sep 2, 2015)

Yes, I understand and agree, but I'm not talking about just being broke.... I make anywhere from$600-$1000 a month. Sometimes I make that in a week, but it's very rare. Apartments cost more than that without the added pressure of utilities, car insurance, pet rent, etc. And I PAY taxes at the end/beginning of the year. So I have some legitimate worries about this. He is not going to help me at all, I promise you that.

I'm looking for another job not related to my current field, but I'm so busy all the time I just dont know when I'd actually have time to work a second job... But this has been something I e been looking into for a few weeks now.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

I may have failed to mention it in your other thread, by the way, but I'd bet that the odd activity that you've noted on your husband's phone is the result of both him and whoever it is that he's been seeing using apps like Burner or Google Voice to communicate w/ each other.


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## Workathome (Aug 30, 2014)

EverythingU.RNot said:


> I don't know why I'm so attached to him, I know he's bad. Yes so different now then he used to be....
> 
> And he was the one implying I planted the panties on the bed.... But as I said, I hadn't even been home for three days.
> 
> It didn't surprise that he said that. Hes constantly trying to flip things back on me....


YOU know exactly what you need to do. You aren't in a marriage, you're in a mind game.

Leave him now before he does more damage to you.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

EverythingU.RNot said:


> Yes, I understand and agree, but I'm not talking about just being broke.... I make anywhere from$600-$1000 a month. Sometimes I make that in a week, but it's very rare. Apartments cost more than that without the added pressure of utilities, car insurance, pet rent, etc. And I PAY taxes at the end/beginning of the year. So I have some legitimate worries about this. He is not going to help me at all, I promise you that.
> 
> I'm looking for another job not related to my current field, but I'm so busy all the time I just dont know when I'd actually have time to work a second job... But this has been something I e been looking into for a few weeks now.


I don't understand. You're working full time and only earn $250/week? How is that possible? 

And just go online and look for a roommate. And leave your pet with him for now or with your dad. 

Quit making excuses.


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## EverythingU.RNot (Sep 2, 2015)

GusPolinski said:


> I may have failed to mention it in your other thread, by the way, but I'd bet that the odd activity that you've noted on your husband's phone is the result of both him and whoever it is that he's been seeing using apps like Burner or Google Voice to communicate w/ each other.


It definitely has a lot to do with Google but I don't know what exactly.

He somehow has two identical Gmail email addresses, and tricked me into thinking he had one. He gave me the password, saying here, look whenever you want.... But half the features can't be clicked on and I'm sure it is a phony somehow.

He also had THREE Google Plus accounts, one of which is saved in his contacts with the nickname "The Real Account". So clearly he has put a lot of effort into throwing me off the trail. You don't do that if you're innocent, IMO. 

In another thread I started, I talk about this a bit more and our friend "M"..... Whom I believe is the source of my husband's sudden genius with electronic .... Because he is very bright, or wasn't, about covering things up on the past.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Cross-posting...




GusPolinski said:


> Start journaling EVERYTHING. Document, document, document.
> 
> If you can get your hands on his phone (and get it unlocked) put it in airplane mode and hide it somewhere that he can't find it. If he drinks to excess, do it the next time that he's drunk. This will force him to buy another phone, but you'll have his current phone for data recovery.
> 
> ...


----------



## EverythingU.RNot (Sep 2, 2015)

turnera said:


> I don't understand. You're working full time and only earn $250/week? How is that possible?
> 
> And just go online and look for a roommate. And leave your pet with him for now or with your dad.
> 
> Quit making excuses.


I'm an independent contractor, I get paid by the job, not the hour. It'S neither here nor there. And regardless of what you consider "excuses" I am not going to jump the gun while I'm hot. I will go to the court house today to get the paperwork, but if it is going to cost anything I am just broke right now and will not be able to.

I've already texted my husband And told him we needed to talk about who is getting what/etc. We will just have to work out the divorce ourselves a d hopefully he'll be agreeable.... Since it's what he says he wants anyway.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

EverythingU.RNot said:


> I'm an independent contractor, I get paid by the job, not the hour. It'S neither here nor there. And regardless of what you consider "excuses" I am not going to jump the gun while I'm hot. I will go to the court house today to get the paperwork, but if it is going to cost anything I am just broke right now and will not be able to.
> 
> 
> 
> I've already texted my husband And told him we needed to talk about who is getting what/etc. We will just have to work out the divorce ourselves a d hopefully he'll be agreeable.... Since it's what he says he wants anyway.



Make sure that you have a VAR handy for that conversation. Hell, you might be able to get a confession if you say something like...

"Look, I know you're cheating. I can't prove it, but I know it. The panties. The phone stuff. The weirdness w/ <friend's name>. The X. The Y. The Z. Etc."

And hey... one-party consent state.


----------



## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

turnera said:


> I don't understand. You're working full time and only earn $250/week? How is that possible?


Full time minimum wage after taxes is about $250 a week.


----------



## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

EverythingU.RNot said:


> I will go to the court house today to get the paperwork, but if it is going to cost anything I am just broke right now and will not be able to.


My entire divorce cost me $250. The paperwork is free but you have to pay a fee to file it at the court. Save the money on a keylogger and put it towards your filing fee.

If you really want to get cute. When you present him the papers to sign tie the panties around them in a neat little bow and tell him to go FVCK himself.


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## EverythingU.RNot (Sep 2, 2015)

GusPolinski said:


> Make sure that you have a VAR handy for that conversation. Hell, you might be able to get a confession if you say something like...
> 
> "Look, I know you're cheating. I can't prove it, but I know it. The panties. The phone stuff. The weirdness w/ <friend's name>. The X. The Y. The Z. Etc."
> 
> And hey... one-party consent state.


I've got a call recorder on my phone And the VAR is almost always on me, due his theft of my other ones...


And yep. Thank goodness for one-party states.


He will never admit anything to me though. He's more interested in keeping up appearances. He's good, I'm bad and I'm mental.

Well I gotta admit, I'm feeling mental now


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## BrokenLady (Jan 19, 2015)

I've known lots of women house or apartment share. I did myself before I met my H. It can actually be really nice. You could make a great friend who's been through a similar situation. Proffesional women like teachers who need the extra cash to pay their mortgage after divorce make good 'room mates' & might allow pets :smile2:


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## EverythingU.RNot (Sep 2, 2015)

Deny deny deny.... With a %/?#[email protected]! smile in his eye.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

EverythingU.RNot said:


> It definitely has a lot to do with Google but I don't know what exactly.
> 
> He somehow has two identical Gmail email addresses, and tricked me into thinking he had one. He gave me the password, saying here, look whenever you want.... But half the features can't be clicked on and I'm sure it is a phony somehow.
> 
> ...


Report him to Google for abuse of the Google TOS. https://support.google.com/plus/answer/1253377?hl=en-GB


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## Sports Fan (Aug 21, 2014)

Just divorce him already. He is a cheating grub and you deserve way better


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## nursejackie (May 22, 2015)

Just a commiseration….I kinda get the fascination with the snooping. It becomes all consuming and addictive- you keep getting the pay off "aha!!! here he has called in sick while she was on holidays…aha! here is another charge for a store half an hour from our house and 3 minutes from her house…aha! He has deleted yesterdays 14 texts from her and denies it!…" If you keep looking there is always some concurrent event but no definitive proof …yet

It is fascinating and as you get more immersed in it you come up with all kinds of ways to check and crosscheck evidence- its not healthy though- I think it allows us to avoid thinking about the real issues and our own problems. I have found myself entrenched in these searches especially when I am stressed. It doesn't have to have anything to do with H. I come home from visiting dieing dad and go right to sleuthing and making detailed maps of where he's been…. It is somehow relaxing in that while I am doing that I am not feeling the pain of my dad dieing.

Is there anything else painful in your life right now you are avoiding feeling?


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## Bobby5000 (Oct 19, 2011)

I don't think the panties mean an affair. This is one strange dysfunctional marriage, like reading some novel.


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## EverythingU.RNot (Sep 2, 2015)

MattMatt said:


> Report him to Google for abuse of the Google TOS. https://support.google.com/plus/answer/1253377?hl=en-GB



I can't report or block from mobile.... Tried to upload a screenshot but apparently I can do no good today...


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## EverythingU.RNot (Sep 2, 2015)

Sports Fan said:


> Just divorce him already. He is a cheating grub and you deserve way better


Yeah sure, how much would you like to donate? I have %6.48 in my account and 5 days until payday.... Our gas has already been shut off for over a month and electric us next in a few days.


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## Blacksmith01 (Aug 12, 2013)

EverythingU.RNot said:


> It's really kind of sad that I'm not as upset or angry about it as I should be, I think. I just feel sort of numb...
> 
> And I believe the primary reason I've never left before was due our mutual financial dependence on one another, myself much more strongly dependent on him as I'm self-employed and my income can vary greatly from month to month....
> 
> I do love him.... I just couldn't tell you why... :/


Don't worry the anger will flow soon enough. Just as soon as you open your eye's to what's under the mask he wears.


----------



## EverythingU.RNot (Sep 2, 2015)

intheory said:


> If you have pets, check your area for Alternative Humane Societies; in the sad event that you cannot keep them. Typically, Alternative Humane Societies do not kill the animal unless it is so injured or diseased, that it is not merciful or sensible to keep it alive. They could always use some funds, obviously; so if you go that route, try to make as generous a contribution as your means will allow.
> 
> Or, as turnera suggested, your dad could possibly take your pet.
> 
> I didn't quite catch why it wasn't possible to stay with your dad/family? I know that's a bit morale destroying; moving back in with your parents. But you'd only be doing it temporarily since your situation is so crazy. You can chip in some rent and chores so that you're not "mooching" or anything like that.


Thank you for your consideration of my other family members.... I actually work in rescue and volunteer at shelters, but I've already used up my time allotment for a previous attempt to get away and bring employed as a person who gets paid to care for animals, this is a tricky matter, as it reflects some sort of incompetence to client and associate alike.. Giving them away or surrendering them??? Hell f*$#@+&%?$ no. Sorry but they bring so much more love and peace in my life and I'mim not about to let this @$$hole take that from me....


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## EverythingU.RNot (Sep 2, 2015)

My dad and I live in two different cities. Gas in already eating up at least 30% of what I make... The extra distance simply would make it a wash....


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Look, I know we've been brutal here, and you probably just came here for commiseration, not expecting to be held to a high standard. But we'd be doing you a disservice if we didn't tell you what you NEED to hear, not what you want to hear. And what you need to hear is simply that there is nothing left to save and you need to start focusing on getting your ducks in a row. I don't know what you contract in, but it is _obviously_ not cutting it for you right now. I wanted to keep my job at NASA, but I couldn't afford to keep it. I had to earn more money. So I gave it up, walked away from my dream, hoping to revive it some other day, when my money problems weren't so all-encompassing.

If your job isn't even getting you out of the poverty level, it's time to pick something else to do - for now. So that you CAN get out of this hellhole and get your life back on track. Nobody's expecting you to move out today or even this week, but you need to come up with a plan.


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## BrokenLady (Jan 19, 2015)

I'm so terribly sorry that this has become our life. This is toxic. It must be eating you alive. I can't imagine living like that. Your career clearly means a lot to you. Is there anyway ou would consider putting it on the back burner for a while? You could find a job near your Dads just to escape. Once you're free from this you can think clearly & start working on a new life plan. 

Is there anyway you could change your career a little to increase income whilst working in/near the work you love? I don't know what you do for a living. have you considered further education? You are imprisoned. Something has to change to set you free. I'm so sorry.


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## Sports Fan (Aug 21, 2014)

EverythingU.RNot said:


> Yeah sure, how much would you like to donate? I have %6.48 in my account and 5 days until payday.... Our gas has already been shut off for over a month and electric us next in a few days.


Didn't mean to offend you but it is obvious your man is up to no good.

Say you get concrete evidence that he is cheating. Do you have a plan on what you are going to do?


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## nursejackie (May 22, 2015)

have you listened to the var yet? I wouldn't be able to help myself….


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## EverythingU.RNot (Sep 2, 2015)

nursejackie said:


> have you listened to the var yet? I wouldn't be able to help myself….


I'm only about 5 hours in so far.... But I've been doing a lot of skipping... He a watching Silence of the Lambs at full blast, but I can still background noises...


I've asked him to move out, he said he'll get a uhaul on Saturday. I don't know how I'm going to make it, but I'm just excited for him to be leaving. He's not even fighting it... But the saddest part of all is he's still denying, he still insists they're mine and/or that I planted them there and I'm still doubting my perceptions!

I have asked every single woman who has ever been in my house if they belong to her, and no one recognizes them.

And still I'm doubting.... Ugh.


----------



## Sure that could work (Jun 9, 2015)

EverythingU.RNot said:


> I'm only about 5 hours in so far.... But I've been doing a lot of skipping... He a watching Silence of the Lambs at full blast, but I can still background noises...
> 
> 
> I've asked him to move out, he said he'll get a uhaul on Saturday. I don't know how I'm going to make it, but I'm just excited for him to be leaving. He's not even fighting it... But the saddest part of all is he's still denying, he still insists they're mine and/or that I planted them there and I'm still doubting my perceptions!
> ...


I'm sorry you are going through this but do you hear yourself? You just admitted that you have asked every single woman you know that might have been in your house if the panties you found in your bed are theirs..............just read that a few times.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Good work. If you need help brainstorming on how to make it work, let us know.

For starters, place an ad locally for a roommate to help with bills.

My mom took in boarders after my dad left, and they were some of the best years of my life, getting to know these people who stayed in our house.


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## EverythingU.RNot (Sep 2, 2015)

turnera said:


> Good work. If you need help brainstorming on how to make it work, let us know.
> 
> For starters, place an ad locally for a roommate to help with bills.
> 
> My mom took in boarders after my dad left, and they were some of the best years of my life, getting to know these people who stayed in our house.


I am not a people person AT ALL. AT ALLLLL. lol I love my space and having a stranger around would cause me a huge amount of anxiety... I didn't even want my husband to move in with me! Even after we were married! lol

It is definitely a "thing" for me...

But I need to raise $1,000 in less than a week.... Oh dear....


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## nursejackie (May 22, 2015)

I'm glad you are listening- you may hear what you need to to stop your doubting- but really- the panties are a pretty big deal.
It is amazing how manipulative WS can be- they just keep denying and giving outrageous excuses- eventually you start thinking…welllllll maybe i'm not so sure now….

H told me the OW didn't wink at him she was probably winking at me -and if she did wink at him it was only to say "hi! nice to see you!" She was drunk, my back was turned for a moment, her tongue was out..

Its so ridiculous - but i totally get it- unless you catch them naked in your bed - and then I'm sure they would say they got caught in the rain- the clothes are drying - and they just went under the covers to keep warm….

I am glad that you are moving on without him- I hope you can find another part time job or something to help make ends meet.
Kee posting for support


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

You could try a gofundme account. Or take some stuff to a pawn shop.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

EverythingU.RNot said:


> I am not a people person AT ALL. AT ALLLLL. lol I love my space and having a stranger around would cause me a huge amount of anxiety... I didn't even want my husband to move in with me! Even after we were married! lol
> 
> It is definitely a "thing" for me...
> 
> But I need to raise $1,000 in less than a week.... Oh dear....


You don't want a stranger around?

There is probably nobody stranger than your husband, to be honest.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

turnera said:


> *You could try a gofundme account*. Or take some stuff to a pawn shop.


:iagree:


----------



## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

EverythingU.RNot said:


> I have asked every single woman who has ever been in my house if they belong to her, and no one recognizes them.


WTF?!? 

How many people have the opportunity to go to your house to take their underwear off..... Then forgot them because apparently it happens so much you need to out an APB..... and IN your bed of all places..... 

Are you for real?


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## EverythingU.RNot (Sep 2, 2015)

MattMatt said:


> You don't want a stranger around?
> 
> There is probably nobody stranger than your husband, to be honest.


Agreed... For the past few years I feel like I've been living a lifetime movie... It almost just seems so out-there... He has definitely felt like someone I dint know anymore....


----------



## SadandAngry (Aug 24, 2012)

EverythingU.RNot said:


> Yeah sure, how much would you like to donate? I have %6.48 in my account and 5 days until payday.... Our gas has already been shut off for over a month and electric us next in a few days.



So what have you got to lose by leaving? What are you gaining by staying? You antagonize him, he antagonizes you, nobody wins, your life is falling apart. Nothing will get better together. Will it? How could it at this point?


----------



## EverythingU.RNot (Sep 2, 2015)

BetrayedDad said:


> WTF?!?
> 
> How many people have the opportunity to go to your house to take their underwear off..... Then forgot them because apparently it happens so much you need to out an APB..... and IN your bed of all places.....
> 
> Are you for real?


I get it, I'm dumb. But - considering my mother sometimes does our Landry, as well as my sister'S and brother'S girlfriend, I asked. I had a friend of mine stay with me for 2 weeks - 2 years ago - but I asked. (AND I asked her ex-bf "M"). A friend of mine gave me some clothes a few weeks ago... I went through the bags I think pretty thoroughly, but I asked.

I want, in writing (via text) that there is no one I know who recognizes these panties, because my husband is SO CONVINCING). If he uses an attorney during our divorce I want to be able to show this was NOT A RESULT OF MY PARANOIA as he keeps repeating, over and over and over. (Also stating that my paranoia is the reason he wants a divorce). It's also why I want to get the DNA test to prove they aren't mine...

All in all, if I have in writing, from every woman I've known to be in the house, that these are not theirs, and DNA proving they are not mine, and we've lived her for 4 years... Anyone can ascertain through elimination, that infidelity took place... Or, at the very least, with all combined circumstances, something inappropriate has been taking place...

The DNA alone will cost me $300... If I had money I'd hire a PI or install cameras... Because there is just no proof like having a face/name/etc. This isn't just for me and my knowing, I have a feeling the divorce will be nasty because my husband wants to be the victim of a crazy woman and I believe he'll do anything to prove it....


----------



## EverythingU.RNot (Sep 2, 2015)

SadandAngry said:


> So what have you got to lose by leaving? What are you gaining by staying? You antagonize him, he antagonizes you, nobody wins, your life is falling apart. Nothing will get better together. Will it? How could it at this point?


It doesn't seem like you've read my most recent posts...


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## EverythingU.RNot (Sep 2, 2015)

turnera said:


> You could try a gofundme account. Or take some stuff to a pawn shop.


Tried.... But can't get past upload photo... I keep clicking and nothing happens.. :/


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## lonelyhusband321 (Feb 18, 2014)

EverythingU.RNot said:


> Yes, I understand and agree, but I'm not talking about just being broke.... I make anywhere from$600-$1000 a month. Sometimes I make that in a week, but it's very rare. Apartments cost more than that without the added pressure of utilities, car insurance, pet rent, etc. And I PAY taxes at the end/beginning of the year. So I have some legitimate worries about this. *He is not going to help me at all, I promise you that.
> 
> *I'm looking for another job not related to my current field, but I'm so busy all the time I just dont know when I'd actually have time to work a second job... But this has been something I e been looking into for a few weeks now.


Judges don't typically ASK whether or not he WANTS to help you.

I can promise you that he WILL help. He won't like it, and it won't be voluntary, but you can bet your azz that he WILL help.

The biggest problem I perceive is the outright hutzpah to make the leap.

It isn't going to be a bed of roses - no, but what you're going through is absolutely NOT worth going through just for financial security (which it doesn't sound like you have, anyway).

Tough times are ahead. It's up to you to decide which course of tough times you will embark on.

Is a modest (maybe even barely making it) level of financial wherewithal worth putting yourself through abject misery?

It's kind of like jumping out of a second story window of a burning house - you probably will get a broken leg, but it won't kill you....


----------



## EverythingU.RNot (Sep 2, 2015)

Personal said:


> You have carried on about how his using pornography is deceit, yet you had no problem deceiving him with respect to another man, I'll let you figure out which thing was more real.


Ok, I have taken responsibility for this, I acknowledge that I was wrong. I did NC and practiced full disclosure after he found out (by snooping through my email and finding old messages from 2 years ago). When it began we had been separated for 6 months. Briefly, after reconciling, OM continued to text me things like "Are you mad at your hubby yet" and things of that nature. I honestly didn't know how exactly to respond, I felt bad that I'd ever talked about my marriage with him, etc. Every time I told my husband he had texted me, I showed him the text, or forwarded it to him if he was not with me at the time.

My husband swore up and down that he didn't care if we were "still friends" each time, and I believed him at first. It then became confusing to me that he even insisted that he didn't want to end our friendship. ("Friends" 5 years prior to anything remotely romantic). I finally came to my own conclusion that I should not talk to this person at all and went NC and have 100% maintained NC since.



Personal said:


> So what do you think would happen if you stop spying on him (recorders and all of the rest), and if you started treating him like an adult (and let him decide whether it's okay for him to use pornography whenever he likes or not use it and all the rest in-between)?
> 
> I say if he can't respect boundaries I laid forth from day one he should not agree to conditions that are unrealistic for him. A non-sex life is not ok with me. If a man won't talk about it, a solution cannot be determined. Yes, my discomfort level increased as his use increased... This began long before our separation. I can speak for myself and say it felt as though I was being replaced. I _was_ replaced.
> 
> ...


----------



## EverythingU.RNot (Sep 2, 2015)

lonelyhusband321 said:


> Judges don't typically ASK whether or not he WANTS to help you.
> 
> I can promise you that he WILL help. He won't like it, and it won't be voluntary, but you can bet your azz that he WILL help.
> 
> ...



Is no one reading my updates? My husband is moving out, we're planning our divorce together...


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## lonelyhusband321 (Feb 18, 2014)

EverythingU.RNot said:


> Is no one reading my updates? My husband is moving out, we're planning our divorce together...



Read the entire thread. TRYING to be supportive!


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## EverythingU.RNot (Sep 2, 2015)

Personal said:


> I will also add I was on the wrong end of marital infidelity once, and it was physical infidelity not just emotional infidelity. So I can assure you I know it hurts and it sucks and it's awful, yet the best thing i ever did was to virtually immediately separate from my wife and then later divorce. Sure what she did was wrong, but I don't think she should have to be in a position where her integrity will always be in question forever going forward. At the end of the day we are both now in a far better place today for having divorced each other then.
> 
> In the absence of trust, truth gets lost.


My husband and I had been separated 6 months when the EA began... It did carry over briefly.... Very briefly. Maybe a month or so? I know it wasn't right and I accept I'm wrong for that....


----------



## EverythingU.RNot (Sep 2, 2015)

Sorry I feel like there is an expectation of immediate action or STFU .... In general, not just you.

Also, leading up to our separation from the get-go was the discovery of 91 photos my husband took of "himself" and not of his face! On his phone and that he tried to say were for me... And I never received not one. 

So do you think that was just for himself? Because I don't. And this was PRIOR to us separating and me having an EA.


----------



## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

EverythingU.RNot said:


> The DNA alone will cost me $300...


So spend $250 on the divorce filing fee instead of $300 on a useless DNA test you already know the answer to and take the extra $50 you saved and treat yourself to a nice meal to celebrate ditching this LOSER.


----------



## warshaw (Jul 31, 2015)

EverythingU.RNot said:


> Is no one reading my updates? My husband is moving out, we're planning our divorce together...


If you're divorcing then who gives a rat's ass about who he might be sleeping with?


----------



## sapientia (Nov 24, 2012)

1. Get a better paying job. 2. Get a divorce. 3. Go be happy.


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## EverythingU.RNot (Sep 2, 2015)

warshaw said:


> If you're divorcing then who gives a rat's ass about who he might be sleeping with?


I'm filing for divorce because he's sleeping around....


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

I came to this thread because I heard someone found my panties.


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## EverythingU.RNot (Sep 2, 2015)

Personal said:


> Sometimes it's easier not to wear any panties at all.


I didn't want to get TMI, but this is a major reason I am so sure they were not mine to begin with....


----------



## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

TheTruthHurts said:


> I came to this thread because I heard someone found my panties.


*Man, what I absolutely wouldn't give to wake up and find a nice pair of wild naked panties within the confines of my Sealy Posturepedic!


If any ever bother to show up there, just pinch my decrepit, horny old a$$ and let me know whether I had a good time or not! *
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

arbitrator said:


> *Man, what I absolutely wouldn't give to wake up and find a nice pair of wild naked panties within the confines of my Sealy Posturepedic!
> 
> 
> If any ever bother to show up there, just pinch my decrepit, horny old a$$ and let me know whether I had a good time or not! *
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:lol:


----------



## EverythingU.RNot (Sep 2, 2015)

I really did not find it to be at all amusing....


----------



## lovelyblue (Oct 25, 2013)

EverythingU.RNot said:


> I really did not find it to be at all amusing....


Me either it's nasty and disrespectful.

I think it silly that he would think that he could convince you that were yours or he thought that he could blame it on your for planting them.


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

EverythingU.RNot said:


> I didn't want to get TMI, but this is a major reason I am so sure they were not mine to begin with....


Well, that's nice. We know a little bit more about you than we did before.  

We also know your husband has been a very, very silly chap, but there you go. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EverythingU.RNot (Sep 2, 2015)

lovelyblue said:


> Me either it's nasty and disrespectful..


I was mostly referring to the jokes here.... I certainly would not be making light of _their_ painful experiences.


----------



## Augusto (Aug 14, 2013)

So neither of you trust each other. Hate to say this but if you two are digging around for VAR's, you guys need two stop now. Divorce and be happy having sex with someone else instead of wondering who the other is having sex with.


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## EverythingU.RNot (Sep 2, 2015)

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/genera...re-background-if-you-like-long-mysteries.html

Just to add more background/update....


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Geeze, ugh. Sorry you are here.

Do you think maybe they were planted just to irritate you?


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Marc878 said:


> Geeze, ugh. Sorry you are here.
> 
> Do you think maybe they were planted just to irritate you?


Sort of like reverse gaslighting when the spouse pretends to cheat so the other party files for divorce?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EverythingU.RNot (Sep 2, 2015)

I actually would not put that past him... My husband has said things like "I will make you divorce me" in the past .. but never had a clue as to why or how?


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## EverythingU.RNot (Sep 2, 2015)

Why else would he claim I planted them.... It just sounds so outrageous, but you know what they say about narcissists.... They will tell you what they're doing, but will describe you as the one doing those things....


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

EverythingU.RNot said:


> Why else would he claim I planted them.... It just sounds so outrageous, but you know what they say about narcissists.... They will tell you what they're doing, but will describe you as the one doing those things....


You know the story of the Narcissus, right? 

In Greek mythology, Narcissus was a hunter and a young man of exceptional beauty. He spurned the nymph Echo. One day he saw his reflection in water and fell in love with himself. Not realizing it was himself and unable to leave, he eventually died. 

Perhaps to the narcissist, everyone is that water, reflecting back at themself. 

http://wordsmith.org/words/images/narcissist_large.jpg


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## EverythingU.RNot (Sep 2, 2015)

Couldn't agree more..

I have to say I'd rather think he's just trying to make me crazy, rather than actually cheated... But both situations are so disturbing it would take more than he's got to change my mind.

I'm no saint by annnnny stretch of the imagination... But this is too much, way too much to look past when so many other things are going wrong. I'd rather be alone honestly.

Actually, after this, I think I'd have a very difficult time living with anyone again....


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Either way he needs to be part of your history not your present or your future. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EverythingU.RNot (Sep 2, 2015)

I'm about 15 hours into the VAR, I *think* I hear a woman yawn.... It could have been my husband... He has a pretty soft voice... My old dog, bless her heart, of all the places she could have gone to sleep.... Is snoring right into my VAR, lol 

I'm frustrated with not being able to hear this thing. I mean, I have to have absolute silence and every airplane, car driving by, dog barking.... Both on the VAR and outside my home, is pissing me off and making it difficult to hear anything that might have been going on downstairs... (Where my husband has had his bed set up for those many nights he picked a fight and went to sleep downstairs....)

Well.... I'm still not even halfway through.... Will probably be an exhausting, frustrating waste of time in the end... But I'm exceedingly curious....


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## Tango in Triple Time (Jul 14, 2015)

MattMatt said:


> *Either way he needs to be part of your history not your present or your future. *
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I think this needs reposting a dozen time.


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