# Signed Settlement Agreement & STBX



## Sparkles422 (Jun 3, 2011)

tried to change it by emailing a 5 paragraph document for me to sign in case of default of mortgage. It's already before the judge.

Our divorce agreement states that both parties are to pay 50% of the household expenses BUT it doesn't address the issue of either party defaulting and whether that is to be re-paid.
Whoops, a big whoops. I didn't think about it but stbxh did. Just shows you where his mind is at. Not on our broken marriage but on the MONEY.

Whoa, I thought I knew this person. But as each day goes by my eyes open further to the fact that this was not a nice person.

And here I was imagining it was pain I was seeing in his eyes. No no no, it was pain about his money!

Oh God what did I do to deserve the heartache and absolute callousness.

All I can say is that heartache is gone and hopefully I will be soon out of this dreadful house that we share til it sells.


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## nowthinkpositive (Jun 18, 2011)

HI Sparkles,
I am sorry for what you are going through. When I read your post it struck a chord with me. Especially when you said:

"And here I was imagining it was pain I was seeing in his eyes. No no no, it was pain about his money! Oh God what did I do to deserve the heartache and absolute callousness."

I know how you feel My STBX doesn't want to pay any spousal support after our 23 year marriage because we both work and have good jobs (even though he makes twice what I make). People will do funny things when money is involved. 

How can they be so heartless? Here's how. I think the reason is they checked out way before we did and moved on mentally so they are emotionally cut off. It doesn't mean to them what it means to us. And so, what we see when we look at them is what WE feel and how WE would act. WE would empathize and care about the other person. So we imagine they would too. It's a rude awakening. 

Just know that you will be okay because you are a good person and everything comes around in the end. 

Good luck!


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## StartingAgain (Jun 29, 2011)

I want to quickly offer a bit of insight to the 'other side' if I may, as someone leaving my husband and someone who would likely realize this mistake and try to rectify it.

My STBXH keeps claiming he will join me in a fair transition, but then says and does things elsewhere that imply that maybe if pushed hard enough in his very real pain, he might try to be unfair. So, I've been forced to protect myself. Honestly, I'd give ANYTHING to stop this madness and just be a couple again, but we are both so far down the path and I'm not seeing anything to convince me its none of the same. A default paragraph protects YOU and THEM, not just you. So assume the worst and please protect yourself and please don't assume their intentions are all about the money. Everyone reacts differently to conflict and the need to protect themselves.


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## staircase (May 16, 2011)

nowthinkpositive said:


> I know how you feel My STBX doesn't want to pay any spousal support after our 23 year marriage because we both work and have good jobs (even though he makes twice what I make). People will do funny things when money is involved.


We were married a short time and I have always had decent jobs, so nothing like spousal support.

With that said, stbx makes _three times_ what I make and constantly complains to me about money. Poor baby how do you even manage?

We have a LARGE tax debt to the government because of 1099 income over the years and we were totally stupid about quarterly payments. I asked him last night to take that over. It'll never happen. After all, he has $5,000 in credit card debit and makes well over 6 figures


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## Sparkles422 (Jun 3, 2011)

He wanted that document signed because I am unemployed and he has a lot more money than I do. It's for his protection.

Even if that pain in his eyes was true, what has been done is so unbelievable I wouldn't even know where to begin to repair. I know I have my issues and they can be worked on but he refuses to see any of his. This is all my fault or so he has said and believes.

stbxh is coming back in 3 days and I hope to God I don't regress with my emotions. 

We have a showing this morning and who knows what that may bring. There are possibilities with others that have seen the house.


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## Shooboomafoo (Mar 30, 2011)

stbxw makes 20%more a year than I do.
Her total debt on credit cards,401K loans, auto, etc. exceeds 35K.

I used to be in a debt hole, and still have some, but listened to Dave Ramsey and all that, and tried to start doing something about it. she was NEVER on board with it. Told me " I will just ALWAYS be in debt" and took another 401K loan to pay down some cards.
year after year after year the brink of bankruptcy.

So needless to say, this divorce appears to be an opportunity for her to exact her fee from me for conceiving a child with me, for all intents and purposes.


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## staircase (May 16, 2011)

Sparkles422 said:


> He wanted that document signed because I am unemployed and he has a lot more money than I do. It's for his protection.


Hopefully you find a situation soon that helps the financial void. When that happens you can gleefully tell him to shove his money up his ass.

I can't wait until I get over being really angry about finances. As one can probably tell, I am a bit bitter.


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## caughtdreaming (May 30, 2011)

Shooboomafoo said:


> So needless to say, this divorce appears to be an opportunity for her to exact her fee from me for conceiving a child with me, for all intents and purposes.


can I laugh at this. lol. 

I am so thankful our splitting up doesn't involve finances whatsoever. Oh Wait, except for the fact that he left me with NOTHING and NO JOB since I had to move. I am not too worried about it right now, Im just trying to get better. Im going back to school anyways so I guess I'll probably be getting a loan and jumping aboard the debt boat with everyone else. yay, debt!


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## Sparkles422 (Jun 3, 2011)

Do we have challenges or what?
The showing went well, they took lots of pics but that doesn't mean anything until you get an offer.

Anyway, for all of us a warm hug, a satisfying, well paying job and get this behind us.


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