# Need advice on moving on with life, specifically the "age" question



## rustytheboyrobot (Nov 20, 2013)

So here is my story, so far:

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/143041-sorry-just-pop-questions-no-answers.html

I've dated, for awhile. It has been very nice to get so many compliments after hearing nothing but put-downs and negativity for so long. I've thrived on those compliments. But everyone has been a let-down ultimately. Maybe because I've got all kinds of severe trust issues now or because I can recognize crazy a lot quicker now. And I don't want crazy again.

So I've dated five woman and broken up with them all.

But now I've got a girl chasing after me like a madman. But I'm not sure what to do about it. I'm a police officer, which I've never told anyone here before, yes Thorburn, I'm a cop. But I'm good at my job. Yes, Thorburn, you can be bi-polar and still make one hell of a good peace keeper. Deal with it.

But lately I found out that a girl, and I mean a "girl", not a woman to me, has gotten my phone number from one of my co-workers and she has been texting me like crazy for a few days. Hitting on me like crazy. The thing is I'm nearly fifteen years older than she is. She's twenty years old. I really don't feel like it's right for me to try to get into a relationship with her.

But I do like her. She's fierce, very good looking, and (so-far, yes, trust issues) honest, and she's very.... willing to be malleable. Does that make sense? And I do find that very attractive! I mean my ex (who, unfortunately is still my wife), was never willing to bend to do things I wanted to do. But this girl is clearly willing to be some kind of (submissive?) person? I'm not sure. Not like I want something sickening, but I like the idea of someone willing to dress up for me and stuff.

I guess I'm confused, still, clearly. And I'm not sure how right it is for me to date someone who is like 2/3 my age. Just a girl, really. Can't even buy alcohol... I'm sure I'd hear no end of it at work, and I would hear no end of it. But maybe it's worth it?

Anyone have any experience with this kind of thing? Any warnings? Any advice? I mean I've clearly been pretty dumb and I don't want to do that again, but I guess I'm pretty dumb. Not stupid, yes, but very dumb.

Would it be wrong for me to get into a relationship with her while always planning an exit strategy? Because I've found that's basically the only way I dare enter into any relationship now...


----------



## tryingtobebetter (Aug 6, 2012)

Having read your other thread I would advise you to take your time before considering any new relationship. You only separated from your wife late last year. You need time to get your bearings.

Age difference marriages can work. My grandfather was 39 when he married my 21 year old grandmother. They were happily married for 40 years.

Do you have a tendency to attract unbalanced women? Your wife sounds deranged and I worry that this aggressive young woman might be as well. Ask yourself - why is she hitting on you so hard?

Good luck.


----------



## Blonde (Jan 7, 2013)

My dad dumped mom when I was 16 and married a 22yo when I was 18. I suppose she was "malleable" too...until she grew up and dumped him after 14y M

To me DOM with very young women has a HUGE "ick" factor.

Do you have children? How old? How close in age to this girl? Ick


----------



## rustytheboyrobot (Nov 20, 2013)

Well my son is 1 1/2 years old. Yes, I've decided to stop everything. After talking with my therapist. Seems like the best course of action. Maybe after working through my trust issues. They sure do screw things up


----------



## longtimemarried (Apr 4, 2012)

I'm 15 years younger than my husband and 21 years old when we began dating. I'm still malleable, but he stopped wanting me approximately five years into our now 32 year marriage. Luckily for me, I am the biggest wage earner and therefore able to care for myself should our marriage end. Lucky for him, I'm loyal to the promise I made to care for him until death. I no longer want him, but I haven't left him. 

The age difference isn't a factor in my lousy marriage, it is his inability to explain why we stopped having sex. I now no longer trust.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## rustytheboyrobot (Nov 20, 2013)

Well I've quickly found out she is not malleable. Has boundaries set in stone. Even though I've poked and prodded those boundaries they don't bend. And I like that 

But my trust issues are intruding on what I think is a good thing. I have no idea how to deal with that. I don't trust women anymore. Ever. I don't know how to get back to the person I want to be...

As far as sexless marriage goes. I only know my own story. I know why my marriage emptied. I know how hard I tried. I know that I stopped doing what I wanted to do, and started being "fake" me to please her. Didn't matter.

Maybe it's time to move on?

I don't know, I don't know your situation. But if you want to talk about it feel free to PM me. I'm no genius, I'm no saint, and I'm obviously dumb and a fool. But I'll listen, and I genuinely care. Maybe that can mean something?


----------



## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

rustytheboyrobot said:


> Well I've quickly found out she is not malleable. Has boundaries set in stone. Even though I've poked and prodded those boundaries they don't bend. And I like that
> 
> But my trust issues are intruding on what I think is a good thing. I have no idea how to deal with that. I don't trust women anymore. Ever. I don't know how to get back to the person I want to be...
> 
> ...



This post is why the book MMSLP linked to below is so often recommended here. Its a head slapper. It can also be downloaded. Get it quick. The author also has a blog.


----------

