# Men, how do you shop for Christmas gifts



## NickyT (Aug 14, 2017)

I can't decide if I am being too sensitive. 

A few weeks ago, my husband and I were out shopping. We never shop! Well, we went into Brookstone and they had an item I was interested in. I have a similar item, but it is not nearly as nice and much more difficult to use. We were both ooing and ahhing over the stuff, so I said I liked it. He said he wanted to get it for me. I declined, saying it was expensive and that I had just bought new clothes for myself that were a lot of money (I shop for clothes once every few years and drop all my money at that time).

We went Christmas shopping over the weekend and we were again in Brookstone, but they had sold out of the item I liked. Oh well.

My husband then kept asking me every few minutes what I wanted for Christmas. There really is nothing I need and we are about to buy a piece of property, so I said maybe you can get me something for the new place when we get it. he was relentless - like he had to get it off his to do list. We were doing a lot of window shopping, and any time I looked at anything for more than a minute he was asking me if I liked it. 

I feel very lucky to have a husband who wants to get me something and wants to please me...but then again, am I just another obligation? I say this because I have been questioning if my husband really wants me or if I am just a comfortable companion. My husband had an affair 10 years ago, and he bought that woman something from Victoria's Secret. He has never bought me anything from VS, even though I have hinted over the years. One year when we were moving and he moved ahead of me, I wrote him every day and in one letter I told him I expected him to greet me with a pretty box with lingerie in it when I arrived. He bought me something sweet, but not sexy.

Thoughts? Thanks.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

NickyT said:


> I can't decide if I am being too sensitive.
> 
> A few weeks ago, my husband and I were out shopping. We never shop! Well, we went into Brookstone and they had an item I was interested in. I have a similar item, but it is not nearly as nice and much more difficult to use. We were both ooing and ahhing over the stuff, so I said I liked it. He said he wanted to get it for me. I declined, saying it was expensive and that I had just bought new clothes for myself that were a lot of money (I shop for clothes once every few years and drop all my money at that time).
> 
> ...


I never have a clue what to get my girlfriend for Christmas but I started a tradition a few years ago and she seems very happy with it.
I buy the most romantic,soppy, Christmas card I can get and write on it how much I love her.
And then I fill the envelope with cash!


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

I would think your H would like to get you something you would like. Not what your H thinks you should like or have. Concerning VS and a gift to you from there, I would believe your H does not purchase from there for you as it may be a trigger for you/him or just an overall sense to put that affair behind him. For me, I would not be shopping at a place I made purchases for previous GF/AP or what have you.


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## toblerone (Oct 18, 2016)

I buy her shampoo so her excuse not to sleep with me is more believable.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Think about what she is into at the current moment. My wife bought herself and iPad mini with a bonus she got so there is that (accessories and things). Think about her hobbies, she likes to cook, read, exercise. She has mentioned some things she might want in the last 3 months. I made a mental note. Then I will probably go out one day this week and buy her some clothes. I pretty much have a good read on her style from years of shopping with her. Normally I do well and she wares the stuff I get her. 

All of this is not that hard, you just have to have an interest in the person. Think about what they have been about for the last couple months or so, and if you can't think of anything timely you think about what they have been into for as long as you know them. It can't be stuff that seems like work to them. For instance cooking is work to some people but for my wife it's her art. Then you get stuff that fits into it. 

For guys say you like to game, what would be something cool she could get you for your gaming hobby. Now how would she ever know that. Well you know there are blogs that talk about that. In the same respect my wife likes to cook, I don't so I have no idea what to get her, but there are blogs that talk about that. So I go read the blogs. 

I never understood people who have a hard time getting things for their spouses it's just kind of remembering and then using logic. I just don't think anyone taught them how to do it.

Sorry about your husband by the way. That sucks. You know maybe he does think of you as a companion. Sounds like you want him to think of you as sexy at times. OK well you know you can change his perception of you in this way if you want. It will take you being vulnerable a little bit though. Just a thought. He doesn't deserve it but you do.


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## Steve2.0 (Dec 11, 2017)

I suffer from this too...
Basically I am on autopilot (brain not accepting hints) 90% of the time... then suddenly a birthday or xmas is like 3 days away and its too late for online shopping and I have NO idea what to give her. I find out later that she dropped like 10+ hints in the last two months...

I started to pay more attention and buy things right away (and hide them) but it took me 7+ years of her frustration to finally awake to my lack of interest.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

I'm inclined to think it may be best to ask your H how he perceives you and the marriage. Why after dropping hints your H does not purchase you something from VS.


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## Broken_in_Brooklyn (Feb 21, 2013)

Go to VS and stare at what you like. 

Since he does not seem to get the hint if he asks say it's not for him. Then say, just kidding... for now... Then ask him which one does he like?


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## Steve1000 (Nov 25, 2013)

NickyT said:


> I can't decide if I am being too sensitive. .............................. My husband had an affair 10 years ago, and he bought that woman something from Victoria's Secret. He has never bought me anything from VS, even though I have hinted over the years. One year when we were moving and he moved ahead of me, I wrote him every day and in one letter I told him I expected him to greet me with a pretty box with lingerie in it when I arrived. He bought me something sweet, but not sexy.
> 
> Thoughts? Thanks.


Your first three paragraphs are not very relevant to how you are feeling, as your feelings are almost entirely based on the specifics of the affair ten years ago. I think that it is understandable that you would still feel bad that he has never gotten you anything sexy as he did for the long ago affair partner, much like men here at TAM being haunted by the knowledge that their wives seemed to be more attracted to their affair partners. I imagine that you now wish that you would have taken more time to make sure that all of these issues are resolved before you reconciled with your husband a decade ago.


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## Steve1000 (Nov 25, 2013)

Broken_in_Brooklyn said:


> Go to VS and stare at what you like.
> 
> Since he does not seem to get the hint if he asks say it's not for him. Then say, just kidding... for now... Then ask him which one does he like?


But then the question will come up in her mind "Why didn't the other women have to try so hard to get him to buy lingerie for her?"


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## toblerone (Oct 18, 2016)

Broken_in_Brooklyn said:


> Go to VS and stare at what you like.


oooooooooooooooooooooh you were talking to _her_

damnit, I almost got in big trouble


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Maybe he just isn't into Christmas shopping and wants to know what you'd like.

I loooove my children dearly. I absolutely hate shopping. I hate Christmas shopping the most. I ask for a detailed list of wants so I can get them something they would enjoy. Otherwise, it would be a no go. I think you are overreacting to the "Christmas wants" asking of your husband.


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## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

I used to buy gifts that I though she would like 

But they wern't on her list and she would say she liked them but end up taking them back. So now I just buy whats on her list.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

chillymorn69 said:


> I used to buy gifts that I though she would like
> 
> But they wern't on her list and she would say she liked them but end up taking them back. So now I just buy whats on her list.


Wise decision!


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

In my experience you need to tell most men specifically what you want and not just hint. So if you want sexy underwear ask for sexy underwear and he can go and choose it. Or you can choose it together. 

I am not bothered about presents, neither is he, I love buying things for the family though. 

We usually just ask for something specific that we would like from each other rather than expect each to spend ages choosing something that isn't suitable. Much easier.


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## NickyT (Aug 14, 2017)

Steve1000 said:


> But then the question will come up in her mind "Why didn't the other women have to try so hard to get him to buy lingerie for her?"


exactly.


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## Bonkers (Nov 26, 2017)

toblerone said:


> I buy her shampoo so her excuse not to sleep with me is more believable.


I don't get it.

And I tried.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

I try to get my shopping done as fast as possible. Online to avoid stores is always best. I prefer lists! When my gf asks for me to pick something I cringe and say we can do that together. For example this year she wanted me to get some perfume for her. I can’t pick that out without her there because for one I have trouble smelling anything in those places because it already smells overpowering. And two because perfume can smell good in the air and different on a person so she needs to be there. So we went, she picked , I bought. We were there 20 minutes which is 18minutes longer than I preferred to be lol


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

I absolutely hate Christmas shopping. Fortunately my wife and I have agreed not to get each other gifts - we really don't need more *stuff*. 

Before that I'd wander the malls for hours looking for a perfect gift with feelings of ever increasing panic. Often in desperation I'd get her a small piece of jewelry. 

She would often get me gifts that I didn't really want, but I still really appreciated the intent.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

It try and mix it up. I got her a full spa day once.

Normally a nice pice of jewelry, perfume/bath set, purse, etc.

If it's clothing I normally take her and have her try things on so I get the size right. Same with shoes or boots.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Anyway, my W will provide a list of "suggested items" that is always helpful. My W did state appliances are not "gifts" but are normal everyday items that get purchased when the need arises. I agree. I always get my W a piece of jewelry. I know what types of settings she prefers, necklace length and bracelets she likes. Of the 23 years married I have been very successful in selecting a piece she likes.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

My wife has never asked me what I want for Christmas, and normally ignores me when I offer suggestions. I've started returning the favor.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Yeswecan said:


> Anyway, my W will provide a list of "suggested items" that is always helpful. My W did state appliances are not "gifts" but are normal everyday items that get purchased when the need arises. I agree. I always get my W a piece of jewelry. I know what types of settings she prefers, necklace length and bracelets she likes. Of the 23 years married I have been very successful in selecting a piece she likes.


I would have no problems with getting an appliance for a gift, in fact I would be pleased with that. Then I am easy to pleases as is my husband.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Diana7 said:


> I would have no problems with getting an appliance for a gift, in fact I would be pleased with that. Then I am easy to pleases as is my husband.


Too each their own!


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## Mommame2 (Oct 8, 2017)

Bonkers said:


> I don't get it.
> 
> 
> 
> And I tried.




It took me a few minutes.

'Not tonight dear, I have to wash my hair'.




Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


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## toblerone (Oct 18, 2016)

Mommame2 said:


> It took me a few minutes.
> 
> 'Not tonight dear, I have to wash my hair'.
> 
> ...


Yea, an old dating joke.

Anyway, money is a little tight this year, and with both of us being really busy, we're just doing stockings for each other. I *am* going to get her shampoo, because she rarely buys the 'good stuff'. I'll find some other things, as well... don't worry.

It's kind of a relief, though, because I don't really know what she wants.

It gets me thinking. You know someone well enough, or pay enough attention, you don't necessarily have to ask to know what they'd want: or even know what they don't necessarily want but would really appreciate having. I don't feel like I know her now.

I tried the spa thing a while ago. She won't do it. She's not into that sort of thing. So, there's some old spa certificate just languishing around somewhere. Apparently she's not into relaxation!


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Fozzy said:


> My wife has never asked me what I want for Christmas, and normally ignores me when I offer suggestions. I've started returning the favor.


Had this with my x unfortunately. She never bought me Christmas or birthday presents but you dared not skip her lol

I was 35 years old before a woman, other than my mother, bought me anything for my birthday or Christmas. I was a fool to allow this for sure but I also just thought that was kinda normal.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

Wolf1974 said:


> Had this with my x unfortunately. She never bought me Christmas or birthday presents but you dared not skip her lol
> 
> I was 35 years old before a woman, other than my mother, bought me anything for my birthday or Christmas. I was a fool to allow this for sure but I also just thought that was kinda normal.


Jesus, that sucks. My wife buys me presents, she just never bothers to find out what I actually want. She just does her thing.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

We don't do gifts, except in rare circumstances. We do shop together, and if we find something one of us likes enough, we'll buy it. When I say shop together, I do mean together. I'll even help her find clothes, and have probably picked about a third of the stuff she has and likes.


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## dubsey (Feb 21, 2013)

First things, with regard to the VS stuff. 

1. You should let him know that it's always been like a pebble in the shoe for you, and you'd like it if he bought you stuff like that. You assume it he did it on his own with the affair partner, but keep in mind, that wasn't a bit of reality, and any number of reasons could have contributed to it.

2. You may have unknowingly said something in passing that made him think that you weren't that interested in stuff like that in the past.

I unwittingly did so with my wife many many years ago. She had some cute outfit, and before she tried it on, I'd said "sure, that'll look great on the floor." In my mind, I thought I was telling her she was sexy by implying it didn't matter what it was because it wouldn't be on her long anyway. What she heard was "he doesn't care if I try and be sexy".

Just be straight with him, and say it's something that's always bothered you a bit, and you'd like to correct it going forward.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Fozzy said:


> Jesus, that sucks. My wife buys me presents, she just never bothers to find out what I actually want. She just does her thing.


It did but what I didn’t know didn’t really bother me. Life is much better now :grin2:


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

The checklist goes like this:

Is it useful? Don't buy it. 
Is it for the kitchen? Don't buy it. 
Do I like it? Don't buy it. 
Does it have any sexual overtones? Don't even look at it. 

The rest is easy.


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## dubsey (Feb 21, 2013)

Also wanted to add, he may not get you VS stuff because he knows you're aware he got that for her, and he's worried that it may make you feel cheapened and/or triggered if he does that for you


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## Genord92 (May 18, 2017)

There’s no such thing as a single “best” gift that will appeal to all women But its always cool if present is unexpected. This Christmas I bought my wife film camera and laptop backpack, and for the daughter I bought shooting star tapestry to put it up right away in her bedroom, and gorgeous earrings.
I can advise you to go for some inspiration there, or related info, as an ex.


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## MrsHolland (Jun 18, 2016)

I appreciate every gift MrH has ever given me, always thoughtful. I don't ask for anything or drop hints, to me that is tacky. He observes and has a special place in his memory for ideas that come up during the year to give me for Christmas and Birthday. 

But if he had an affair the whole issue would be irrelevant bc he would not be here with me anyway.


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## WilliamM (Mar 14, 2017)

I don't. I suppose this would not surprise anyone.

I let her have a dog. Occasionally I put a ribbon on it, and say Merry Christmas. 

I gave her flowers once, back in 1973. She made some remark about them just being dead things, and tossed them aside. A dozen long stem red roses. 

I didn't bother trying to get her anything after that. She never looked for anything. I took her to Christmas pageants and events.

Then one day one of her relatives needed help. I helped. It did have a financial component. I never mentioned it. However, Mary said that cost was her Christmas present that year. I think that was 1985. That tradition stuck.

She helps her relatives and calls it her Christmas present. Birthday, Anniversary, Valentine's Day, you name it. Materially she has very little. She never seems to want anything.

Except attention. So I have tried to give her lots of attention. 

And now, I will do an even better job of that.


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