# seeking man's opinion - what I want as a wife - am i asking for too much



## lglmgr36 (Apr 23, 2009)

My husband and I have been struggling in our relationship for quite a while - I believe he is having an emotional affair with another woman. Anyway, he's pissed at me, probably because I found out what he's been up to - on the phone all night, leaving the house everynight, etc. So I tell him this is what I want and what I think I deserve. I told him I want a husband who puts me and my feelings first, shows consideration for his wife's thoughts and feelings, a husband who is willing to work through issues and come to a mutual understanding, a husband who includes his wife in his decisions, who is not embarrassed to take is wife out with him and his friends (who are mostly woman), who is not afraid to talk to his wife (says I make him feel uncomfortable - whatever that means), someone who makes decisions with his wife and shows respect, who discusses with his wife when and where he is going, who gives the option of joining him while out instead of being told "sorry, 'I' was invited (out), not the both of us. Am I asking too much? His was response was if that's what you want, then good luck.


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## Erol (Apr 24, 2009)

lglmgr36 said:


> My husband and I have been struggling in our relationship for quite a while - I believe he is having an emotional affair with another woman. Anyway, he's pissed at me, probably because I found out what he's been up to - on the phone all night, leaving the house everynight, etc. So I tell him this is what I want and what I think I deserve. I told him I want a husband who puts me and my feelings first, shows consideration for his wife's thoughts and feelings, a husband who is willing to work through issues and come to a mutual understanding, a husband who includes his wife in his decisions, who is not embarrassed to take is wife out with him and his friends (who are mostly woman), who is not afraid to talk to his wife (says I make him feel uncomfortable - whatever that means), someone who makes decisions with his wife and shows respect, who discusses with his wife when and where he is going, who gives the option of joining him while out instead of being told "sorry, 'I' was invited (out), not the both of us. Am I asking too much? His was response was if that's what you want, then good luck.



Believe me most of wives has the same desires like you ..So don't think that there is an abnormal line about you..Unfortunately most of men don't know how to keep their wives in the hands..They forget that the women need love,care,faith,attention,understanding respect etc.. and most of them don't know the worth of their wives unless they lose them..But besides everything no body is perfect..and you desire a perfect husband.. If you want good results, then start to judge yourself and make empathy..Maybe there are some wrongs about you which takes him away from you.. please don't get me wrong..I just wanted to advice you..


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

Well, he's right -- good luck (getting any of that from him). 

I'm sorry for what you're going through. I think I'd kick his sorry @$$ out. 

That's no way to treat anyone, especially someone you wanted to marry in the first place!


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## jiff (Apr 25, 2009)

your not asking too much i have done the same to my wife who i love deeply result she had a fling finally realized wot id put her through for years.she kept telling me but it took an affair to see wot i had missed


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## Chopblock (Mar 21, 2008)

---Am I asking too much? His was response was if that's what you want, then good luck.---

Don't ask for anything you aren't willing to give yourself.

I say that because a lot of what you described (him withdrawing, confiding in others, putting others before you) is the END of the story, not the BEGINNING. He may be doing this now in response to something you've done (or failed to do).

I bet he has been feeling the exact way you feel for quite some time. He probably feels something is missing, and if you want to save your relationship, you have to find out what it is.

I abhor the fact that the word "affair" is thrown around, with absolutely no compassion for all the things it took to GET there.

Think carefully: what have you done to make him feel rejected? Do you compliment him when he does things "right" or do you only say something when he is wrong? Are you a willing participant in sex (do you initiate, do you put effort into it?) or do you just do it to shut him up, if at all.

---They forget that the women need love, care, faith, attention, understanding respect etc.. and most of them don't know the worth of their wives unless they lose them..---

This is exactly my point! Men NEED these things TOO. If you aren't GIVING them, you sure as heck don't deserve to be receiving them.

Now you will probably come back and say that you give all those things and are tired of being taken for granted. I want you to think very hard if that is REALLY true, or if you are just being biased. I'm not trying to offend you, just trying to make you think.


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## Mdcl33 (Mar 20, 2009)

I'm going through similiar situation with my wife who had or still sort of is having emotional affair with someone we know mutually. It does not get better quickly. Not to say that it can't ultimately but EAs run deeper than sex flings. Sorry to say that I have had to change how act with her, how I show love, what I give her, etc. 

The bottom line is that you have to communicate that you don't like the behavior and what they are doing over and over again. The person in the affair doesn't understand what they are doing nor do they care. Affairs have an odd way of totally changing people even if you have been with them for 10+ years. 

Good luck and don't let the other person try to make you the bad guy. That's their defense mechanism that they have crafted in their mind.


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## Roger136913 (Apr 29, 2009)

I personaly don't feel you would be asking too much at all. I feel what your asking for is what is the foundation of marriage..I think you summed up on how I want my marriage to be is we can get through our problems...


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## SaxonMan (Apr 1, 2009)

No, you are not asking too much, and you know it.



> I want a husband who puts me and my feelings first.


That is the crux of the matter.


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