# Why-fe



## WhyohWhy (Aug 19, 2009)

Financial problems! I know everyone is going through it somehow. My family is going through it too. I work midnight shift, my wife hasn't had a job in nearly two years, I have told her that she needs to get a job but she is just barely giving any effort to look for something. 

She wants to be a stay at home mom but we are not even paying our bills every month and she wants to be buying cool stuff for our daughter. The bills we aren't paying are for student loans, she graduated from college with a BS in teaching but doesn't want to be a teacher. I don't understand going to school for four years, spending about $40,000, AND NOT USING IT! The spark is going from our marriage because of this too, I was first attracted to her because she was going to be a teacher. (I have always had the highest respect for my teachers because they influence the future day by day)

I am looking for a second job but I haven't been called back on any applications I've put in, thats why I need her to look too. One of us will get lucky soon. She has told me that she doesn't know what she wants to do. I keep telling her that we aren't looking for a lifetime career we just need a job to get us by for now (McDonalds, BK, Krogers - not that these aren't good careers). 

Not really looking for solutions, don't know if you can solve this problem but its good to vent somewhere. thanks


----------



## preso (May 1, 2009)

This is what happens sometimes when you marry someone because of their profession.
She obviously does not want to work, at least right now. Would have been nice if you knew this before, but you didn't.

You can always make the best of it and have her do all the cooking, shopping, chores... so at least if she's not working, she contributes to the household.


----------



## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

How does she feel about watching other kids for extra $$$? It would allow her to stay home and still bring in some money.


----------



## WhyohWhy (Aug 19, 2009)

Thanks Preso and Swedish....



preso said:


> You can always make the best of it and have her do all the cooking, shopping, chores... so at least if she's not working, she contributes to the household.


Yeah, thats what I told her. Get a job or do the housework. She says ok, does a load of laundry or the dishes for a day and either forgets or says she's in too much pain. She says she's always in pain and uses it to get out of stuff, I say go to the doctor and get it checked out but she says no, thats why I disbelieve that she is in pain.


She says she has put out resume's for child sitting but I've not seen any around the house and she doesn't get out enough to have done it without me around. Also she is kinda flaky when it came to her work ethic, she did have a job a few years ago but called out so much that they asked her to leave. 


I'm in over my head, thanks for the replies.


----------



## They Call Me Smooth (May 5, 2009)

Sadly my wife was doing the same thing. Month to month the bills were falling further and further behind. I kept asking her to get a job but months went by and the most she would do is check monster.com. Oddly enough I told her I wanted her to move out (a lot of problems in this relationship) and wouldn't you know it, she got a job. Well it was too little, too late. She now lives with her mother and last night was her first night on the job. I hope it works out for her.

Oddly enough there was nothing I could do or say to get her to find a job. If you wife doesn't want to work I doubt anything you say will change that.


----------



## preso (May 1, 2009)

I do all the housework, from errand running to shopping to cooking to cleaning, laundry... as I stay home.
My husband works 50-60 hour weeks and is tired after all that.
I work about 4 hours a day, 5 days a week doing all my work.. so I'm actually working part time or very little and at my own pace...
I even mow the lawn as long as its not 100 degrees out.
I fix things that are broken around the house too...


it works out well for us but if he had to do everything when he had time...

we would certainly have many marriage problems.


----------



## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

I know everyone is different but if you plan to stay with this wife - well if you were me - I would get a vasectomy. And I would TELL HER in advance what I was doing and why. Because you will die prematurely of stress and overwork if you have more kids with a wife who seems determined to do as little as she possibly can to skate by. 

Sad thing is you cannot "make" someone work. You can however take TOTAL control of the money. 

Just for context I worked full time/really hard career for 19 years while my lovely wife stayed home with 3 kids. BUT she treated it like a job and stayed on top of everything. So my life was cake when I walked in the door - she expected NOTHING. So as my partner - it was all "our" money. And all the accounts were joint and because wife was great with money we didn't fight about it. But if she had pulled this nonesense I simply would have taken credit cards/checkbook away and said "I will do all the shopping, except clothing shopping which we will do together". I will give you cash for gas/emergencies every week because that is all we can afford at the moment. If you want more money, get a job. 

If you don't have the spine to do that - you are going to get more and more trampled on as the years pass. 





WhyohWhy said:


> Thanks Preso and Swedish....
> 
> 
> 
> ...


----------



## preso (May 1, 2009)

I have to agree you should not plan to have kids and raise children with this woman... she sounds lazy as can be.
I couldn't live my life with a lazy person. I have met them and if I saw a slob or lazy person.. I walked.

Just before I met my husband I met a guy who seemed nice. The first time I walked into his house, it was over. he had not dusted in years... kitchen floor was disgusting. I walked away even though he made well over 200K a year, with no debt and was nice looking....
as poor living conditions because of domestic laziness ( he could have at least hired a housekeeper) is a big no way in hell for me...

As far as your unmotivated to do anything wife... just wait a few years when her lack of motivation moves up to where she gains 200 pounds, gets a bunch of health problems and lays on the couch all day yelling at you to bring her more candy.


----------

