# No longer want to be a part of this.



## 2inthemorning (Dec 12, 2016)

Its been too long now, and i dont want to give a dead relationship anymore of my time and energy. its just too draining. a few months again and it'll be 2 years since we split. thats almost as much as the time we spent together. theres nothing there anymore and i dont want to be a part of anything. i have nothing against her but it makes no sense to be involved with her in anyway.

i dont see her, we dont really speak alot and there is nothing there. the relationship ended, she wanted different things. she chose her friends and other people over me and i just allowed myself to be disrespected and made a fool of because i had the wrong mindset. after 2 months i gave up the calling texting and crying. i messaged her and wished her the best in everything and left her alone. i saw her talking and flirting with guys and stuff, it hurt me and i called her, told her i missed her but that didnt go anywhere. that happened to be the last time i went on her social media as well. 

since then she contacted me often, i remember what a bit*ch she was for sometime this year, saying i was bad mouthing her with friends and that we never had anything and things like that. was kinda stupid because i never even talked about her she was just looking for attention from me. i never gave any to her and she'd get more upset but i was dealing with other things , my life was going down the drain and i was just tryna hold myself together so i didnt care to giver her any attention.

few months after she was missing me and our relationship, we talked a 2 or 3 months then she was gone again. this was the second time she talked about meeting up and she never made plans about it. she would always mention things and flings words around about getting back together and never really did anything about it, just all talk.

since we broke up she hits me up every month, and i dont want this anymore. i dont want a friendship, i dont want a monthly message to reminisce, i want to move on, give other girls a chance. for the first time in my life after that break up things are better. 2017 is looking a better financial and professional year. im getting to know myself more and im done pitying myself im all about treating myself now.

i'll never forget her. i'll always have an emotional connection with her, when we were together it was great. by far the happiest years of my life but it had to end and after sometime im okay with it. i want her to be happy and successful and thats all. i want nothing else from her., i know she misses and thinks about me because she contacts me often and says she thinks of me, but she hasnt done so in a while and im glad. 

the relationship is over quite sometime now. and exes arent suppose to be this way. she's had enough time to decide if she wanted to get back together and for me its just too long now to think about getting back together. 

*how do i tell her about this and end this useless relationship*

thank you


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## tropicalbeachiwish (Jun 1, 2016)

She doesn't respect your wishes when you've told her that you want no contact? Or haven't you told her that yet? If not, you just need to say "You'll always have a special place in my heart, but I need to be able to move on with my life. And in order to do that, I need no contact from you in any way, shape, or form. If you've ever had any feelings for me, you'll allow me to move on without you. As a result, I will no longer answer your calls, messages, etc". Then you BLOCK her number from your phone, defriend her on Facebook, etc. If there's any sort of contact after that (you accidentally answer her call), you'll just have to start being firm & short. You'll have to be the one to stand up for yourself.


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

Block her.

You are the one prolonging the emotional pain by not completely severing contact.

The sooner you realize you have the power to stop it, the faster your healing will take place.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Ending this doesn't require her participation. Just block her. She'll figure it out.

And maybe get some therapy to help you get past this, to see you deserve a better partner.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

You don't. Just stop answering her calls and txts. Block her. 

She is using you only when she wants attention. Nothing you say to her matters.


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

And quit going to her social media sites.


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

OP did you lose your virginity to this girl? Or maybe not your actual virginity but was she your first regular sexual partner?

You seem so hung up on this girl even though you recognize she treats you badly and there's no future with her. Sometimes we lose perspective that lust isn't love, and the less sexual experience you have the harder it is to make the distinction. Lust overwhelms our rational thinking, we become so physically drawn to a person we get stupid, we become weak, we become desperate. 

You need to stop all contact with this girl, and stop stalking her on social media. You know in your brain that it would be a bad relationship, make sure you're thinking with the correct head!


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## 2inthemorning (Dec 12, 2016)

tropicalbeachiwish said:


> She doesn't respect your wishes when you've told her that you want no contact? Or haven't you told her that yet? If not, you just need to say "You'll always have a special place in my heart, but I need to be able to move on with my life. And in order to do that, I need no contact from you in any way, shape, or form. If you've ever had any feelings for me, you'll allow me to move on without you. As a result, I will no longer answer your calls, messages, etc". Then you BLOCK her number from your phone, defriend her on Facebook, etc. If there's any sort of contact after that (you accidentally answer her call), you'll just have to start being firm & short. You'll have to be the one to stand up for yourself.



its my fault because i never told her that. i would just respond with a shorty reply but id still respond. fortunately i know better now.


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## 2inthemorning (Dec 12, 2016)

Thound said:


> And quit going to her social media sites.


i stay away from all of that. havent even visited any of hers this year. the first time was the last time thankfully.


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## browser (Oct 26, 2016)

2inthemorning said:


> its my fault because i never told her that. I would just respond with a shorty reply but id still respond. Fortunately i know better now.


Tell her now. I'd shorten it a bit though.

"Look, I know you have this need to reach out every so often but I'm done. You'll always have a special place in my heart, but I'm moving on. Please don't contact me anymore".


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## 2inthemorning (Dec 12, 2016)

Cooper said:


> OP did you lose your virginity to this girl? Or maybe not your actual virginity but was she your first regular sexual partner?
> 
> You seem so hung up on this girl even though you recognize she treats you badly and there's no future with her. Sometimes we lose perspective that lust isn't love, and the less sexual experience you have the harder it is to make the distinction. Lust overwhelms our rational thinking, we become so physically drawn to a person we get stupid, we become weak, we become desperate.
> 
> You need to stop all contact with this girl, and stop stalking her on social media. You know in your brain that it would be a bad relationship, make sure you're thinking with the correct head!


Embarassingly enough no. we were just really close. was the 1st time in my life i had someone who i got so close with. so it was more of a strong emotional bond that kept me feeling so strongly towards her. even when things werent working out id put myself as fault just to keep a relationship that clearly wasnt working now that i see it.. so we never did have sex or anything like that. its one of the reasons i really want to put this in the past, its not worth the emotional energy i give it.


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## browser (Oct 26, 2016)

You never had sex. So it was really just a friendship then.


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## 2inthemorning (Dec 12, 2016)

browser said:


> You never had sex. So it was really just a friendship then.


yeah exactly. was just a really good friendship. i mean i did love her and she was my best friend but its really my fault that i didnt move on from this already. i just kept myself in a hole, i never went anywhere or put myself out there. just left my life on a stand still and that never made me move forward. i blame myself. i grew up alone and i never really had a closeness or loving relationship with a person. so i clinged on to the first person that came along.


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## becareful2 (Jul 8, 2016)

2inthemorning said:


> i'll never forget her. i'll always have an emotional connection with her, when we were together it was great. by far the happiest years of my life but it had to end and after sometime im okay with it. i want her to be happy and successful and thats all. i want nothing else from her., i know she misses and thinks about me because she contacts me often and says she thinks of me, but she hasnt done so in a while and im glad.
> 
> the relationship is over quite sometime now. and exes arent suppose to be this way. she's had enough time to decide if she wanted to get back together and for me its just too long now to think about getting back together.
> 
> ...


You're still looking for excuses to contact her. Stop it. Forget about her. Real estate in your heart should be premium quality and all of it should be reserved for your future wife, not someone like her. Block her number or change your number and go dark for good. Even if she has an emergency and you're the only one who can help, say it with me: not my circus, not my monkeys.


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

2inthemorning said:


> yeah exactly. was just a really good friendship. i mean i did love her and she was my best friend but its really my fault that i didnt move on from this already. i just kept myself in a hole, i never went anywhere or put myself out there. just left my life on a stand still and that never made me move forward. i blame myself. i grew up alone and i never really had a closeness or loving relationship with a person. so i clinged on to the first person that came along.



Well that's understandable then. I actually remember my own experiences at that point in my life. Since you haven't been this close to anyone, why would you want to leave that? But intellectually you know it's worse than a dead end; it actually can be an abyss that just keeps pulling you in.

So trust your brain. It's telling you it's time to live your own independent life.

Ironically, once you are comfortable being alone again, your attractiveness will increase tremendously. Your desire for a relationship is probably very evident. In contrast, guys who are fun and happy are interesting. "What's going on in his life to make him so happy? He carries himself so confidently and relaxed." Maybe these aren't the words people will be thinking, but this is what a desirable single guy looks like and girls notice.

As a very young man I had very bad relationship timing. Always finding and likening a girl who was rebounding or pining for someone else. I was interesting enough to have around as plan B but never plan A. That's where you are. I hated it and always just moved on.

Then one day, when I was done being sad and mad and depressed over it, I ran into a cute girl when I wasn't looking and the rest is history.

Probably a million similar stories out there so you're not alone. Move on and you'll do fine.



Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

The thing is, there IS no relationship. You weren't even her boyfriend. It was just a friendship.

Dude, you don't need to stop talking to her, or tell her to stop contacting you. You need to just go get yourself a real girlfriend. Have some sex and be happy. 

So you Don't have to end the "relationship". Just keep her as an acquaintance like she always was and tell her all about your new girlfriend that you love to have sex with in thirteen different positions.
You'll forget her, and she'll likely not want to try to get the ego boost she gets from you pining for her, and will stop calling or texting. 

It's simple. Move on and you won't give a rip if she texts or calls. You'll be in a different mindset, which you need badly.

Good luck


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

I know your pain. Been going through it myself the last two years. 

To you it was more that just a friendship. You may have loved her or became infatuated. BTDT. 

If it was just a friendship to her, why did she end it? Unless she sensed you felt towards her a way she does not feel towards you.


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## 2inthemorning (Dec 12, 2016)

becareful2 said:


> you're still looking for excuses to contact her. Stop it. Forget about her. Real estate in your heart should be premium quality and all of it should be reserved for your future wife, not someone like her. Block her number or change your number and go dark for good. Even if she has an emergency and you're the only one who can help, say it with me: Not my circus, not my monkeys.


not my circus : Not my monkeys


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## 2inthemorning (Dec 12, 2016)

TheTruthHurts said:


> Well that's understandable then. I actually remember my own experiences at that point in my life. Since you haven't been this close to anyone, why would you want to leave that? But intellectually you know it's worse than a dead end; it actually can be an abyss that just keeps pulling you in.
> 
> So trust your brain. It's telling you it's time to live your own independent life.
> 
> ...


THINGS ARE GETTING ALOT BETTER WITH ME. ITS WHY I MADE HIS THREAD . everyones always so helpful here and its exactly what i needed to gain the courage to end the communication.


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## 2inthemorning (Dec 12, 2016)

Evinrude58 said:


> The thing is, there IS no relationship. You weren't even her boyfriend. It was just a friendship.
> 
> Dude, you don't need to stop talking to her, or tell her to stop contacting you. You need to just go get yourself a real girlfriend. Have some sex and be happy.
> 
> ...


hey thank you. i did end it, i just told her theres nothing between us and theres no need for us to be communicating. its better for both of us this way and i wished her the best. and thats that finally.


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## 2inthemorning (Dec 12, 2016)

blueinbr said:


> I know your pain. Been going through it myself the last two years.
> 
> To you it was more that just a friendship. You may have loved her or became infatuated. BTDT.
> 
> If it was just a friendship to her, why did she end it? Unless she sensed you felt towards her a way she does not feel towards you.


it was and i do appreciate her and our memories. i accepted a few months after that it was the end and i stopped wasting my time with her. she'd be the one to constantly text and call and keep me in an emotional spiral. i never knew why she'd always come around every 2 or 3 weeks sometimes just asking the stupidest little things just to make contact with me.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

2inthemorning said:


> it was and i do appreciate her and our memories. i accepted a few months after that it was the end and i stopped wasting my time with her. she'd be the one to constantly text and call and keep me in an emotional spiral. i never knew why she'd always come around every 2 or 3 weeks sometimes just asking the stupidest little things just to make contact with me.




Tell me if I got this right. 

You emotionally bonded with your friend. You wanted a romantic relationship but it never happened. Contact from her was like a knife twisting in your stomach. Each time she contacted you reminded you of the relationship that won't happen. So you pulled away. 

Correct me where i am wrong.


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## 2inthemorning (Dec 12, 2016)

blueinbr said:


> Tell me if I got this right.
> 
> You emotionally bonded with your friend. You wanted a romantic relationship but it never happened. Contact from her was like a knife twisting in your stomach. Each time she contacted you reminded you of the relationship that won't happen. So you pulled away.
> 
> Correct me where i am wrong.


oooh quite wrong. we were in a relationship. she loved me i loved her. we were together for about 2.5 years . college realtionship. would always talk and spend time together. end of college we didnt see each other as much and after a few months she didnt want the relationship anymore. after 2 months of trying i left her alone. she;d message me to aplogise and stuff, then come saying things like people get back together in the future and what not, then missing me and our times we shared. just always making a convo with me and i never made my mind up to end it.

it truly never really bothered me but i still think about her alot and i just wanted to move past this because after almost 2 years why would i want to still be whound up my a relationship that has run its course and ended. i dont want to be part of her life anymore.

just the other month she was sending me pics of letters i gave her and stuff and bringing up things we did in the past and suff. 

so we were together, she said she wanted different things and left me. i let her be, she'd constantly contact me for her ego boost or memories or whatever and now i've finally grew the bal*z toend it.


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## toblerone (Oct 18, 2016)

*You were never in a relationship.*

You tried to nice-guy your way into a relationship and just now have the beans to realize that being a doormat isn't the greatest thing in the universe.

*You were never in a relationship.* 

You were always just friends. She was obvious enough to everyone including you that she didn't want anything more, but you hung around. I guess that's bad on her for using your friendship knowing you wanted more, but you purposefully stuck around hoping it would amount to more.

*You were never in a relationship.*

And you stayed, you got all mad that the girl who told you she doesn't want anything else from you other than her friendship decided to flirt with *gasp* other guys!

*You were never in a relationship.*

Come on now. You know what you got yourself into. You expect her to not show interest in other guys when she's made it clear that she's not interested in you?

*You were never in a relationship.*

If you can't deal with a chick that you're friends with flirt with other dudes, then that's your problem.

You can't 'get back together' with her if you were never 'with' her to begin with.


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

Just stop contacting her and answering texts or calls. I think you're part to blame for continuing to talk to her when she contacts you. Move on, she's shown you she isn't interested.


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## 2inthemorning (Dec 12, 2016)

i know things werent all that serious. i never wanted to get back together after things ended. all i wanted to was end communication with her and i've done that. feels relieving.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

2inthemorning said:


> hey thank you. i did end it, i just told her theres nothing between us and theres no need for us to be communicating. its better for both of us this way and i wished her the best. and thats that finally.


I can see that you are right to "end it" since her communication is hurting you.
However, there was nothing to "end". Your relationship has been over since college ended. That's common. You went your separate ways. 

A couple of questions for clarity if you don't mind:

Would SHE say she loved you once?

Why did you and she not have sex? MOral or religious reasons? If so, I admire that. But honestly, our culture in the USA is not all that moral on average now, and women typically have sex with their boyfriends in college. Did SHE ever describe herself as your GIRLFRIEND?

The reason I ask is that if you were just friends, then it's perfectly normal for her to contact you about little stuff--- because you and she are FRIENDS. That's what friends do.

At the very least, you got friend zoned, and I think if that's the case, you should DEFREIND her like you're doing. Because that crap is hurtful and she should know that. 

Find yourself another woman, and she will not matter anymore. Stop letting her matter to your life.
There's a lot more than one woman.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Just grow some cajones and do it!

After all, what possible good is her uncaring presence providing you?*


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

You were put in the "friend" mode. She did not want to hold you close, get under the sheets with you. She likes your voice, not your vice....the manly vice.

She likes to think that men would die for her. You give her an ego boost every time you two communicate.

I suspect that when the other men in her life dump her....or she dumps them, she calls you up to remind her that she is loved.

She is a selfish user. USE HER as an example of the sort of women you should avoid. Give your heart to a women that has a vacant spot, a need and a want for it.

When playing cards with a women, never show too many cards. See...a man at first, may never know if he has a winning hand. She will let you know, even if her face is a Royal Flush, she will let you win, she will fold and accept your bid. Your bidding. 

Let this one go, no, let her continue the "Going."


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## 2inthemorning (Dec 12, 2016)

Evinrude58 said:


> I can see that you are right to "end it" since her communication is hurting you.
> However, there was nothing to "end". Your relationship has been over since college ended. That's common. You went your separate ways.
> 
> A couple of questions for clarity if you don't mind:
> ...



She'd say she loved me everyday. she met my family once or twice. i met her mom and siblings. they knew we were together. we did alot of things talked liked a couple and everything. her father was very strict though and i coulnt take her out after school and stuff like that. 

the college we went to werent like many U.S colleges, there wasnt places to party or stay and stuff like that. it was a more institutional school with uniforms and normal school hours. but thats how it is here they integrated college into the high school institution so you can get your college education in the same place you went high school.

its really because of her strict hours we never did much outside school. her parents were really religious as well so it was really difficult to go anywhere. i took her out a few times but the timeline was so short we never did much. was stifling in a way and it just got too hard for us to keep that kind of relationship after college. 

i know it was a matter of immaturity as well. i was her first bf she was my first gf and we never saw the world out there. so its not like im pining over her. like i said before she was the first person that walked into my life who showed love and affection. i never grew up with that so it was my mistake in putting everything into her and the relationship.

now im somewhat wiser i know what i want and its not to be involved with her. she's the one who keeps contacting me and i allowed myself to take part in this punishment. i just wanted to end it and i have. i truly hope i dont hear from her anymore because the last time i told her we shouldnt really talk she hit me up the week after and eased into the usual conversating again.


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## 2inthemorning (Dec 12, 2016)

SunCMars said:


> You were put in the "friend" mode. She did not want to hold you close, get under the sheets with you. She likes your voice, not your vice....the manly vice.
> 
> She likes to think that men would die for her. You give her an ego boost every time you two communicate.
> 
> ...


yeah i know. thank you. and i have ended it. i know there isnt anything there, and i dont want to be involved with someone like that. now i know better.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

So you are:

Working or looking for a job,
Working on or saving for an advanced degree, on the lookout for the type of lady that encourages you and invests in YOU, moving on fervently with your life? If so, bravo!


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## 2inthemorning (Dec 12, 2016)

Evinrude58 said:


> So you are:
> 
> Working or looking for a job,
> Working on or saving for an advanced degree, on the lookout for the type of lady that encourages you and invests in YOU, moving on fervently with your life? If so, bravo!


yup. well i found a high paying kool job i'll be starting next year. im in the process of becoming a police officer and im finding myself once again. the really funny guy with a great sense of humour, confident, awesome personality and who dresses to kill. so things are progressing really well. im honestly not really interested in dating , alot of women are showing interest in me as of lately but i want to be sure im more secure before i consider dating and seeing women on a regular basis


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