# husband says he may or may not leave??? Help Please!



## Isis71 (Mar 5, 2010)

:confused I could really use some advice...a little bit of history. We have been married for 19 yrs, 2 kids 14 & 11. First child was unexpected, 2nd was planned. When pregnant with 2nd child DH had an online affair but we got passed it and the next 7 yrs were great Out of 19, 14-15 yrs were like a honeymoon. DH was always very affectionate etc. He enjoyed time with friends but most time was as a family. All of his friends moved away and he did not make more. We were both busy with work,' kids, house etc. H's spare time became TV and PC. Then 4 yrs ago in winter he never wanted to do anything. Kids were older 10 & 8 so I did everything with them. I always asked if he wanted to go but never did. He never talked to us and affection stopped towards me and kids, sex dwindled to rarely. I continued to try to get him engaged with us or other activities but nothing. He completely pulled away from us so we moved on but never stopped trying. Him and 2nd child fought all the time because he was always short tempered. During this time he also had ED, so I talked to him about depression but he did not agree. Last year he finally decided to join the gym and other activities, which we joined him for frequently. Things improved but still needed work. This Jan/Feb his sex drive came back full force and hasn't left, we talk all the time now but still no other affection like before. My 2nd child has a behavioral problem (at home only) and has nightly screaming fits directed at husband like I hate you, why r u my father etc. I am sure this is linked in part to DH being emotionally unavailable for 4yrs but again he doesn't agree. They continued to fight. End of May dh wanted to do a day trip but the kids weren't interested. An hour later he comes in and tells me he's not happy and hasn't been for a long time, he resents the kids-never wanted any etc and thinks he could be a better father part time said he loves me and kids but once our house sales he is thinking of getting his own place. He said he cant understand why he's not happy because he has everything one could want. We talked and cried a lot over the next few days. That was 2 1/2 months ago. Since then he has become more engaged and he and daughter having been getting along well. It continues to be difficult for me, I am very confused. Some days I want to pull away, sometimes I want to tell him not to touch me "you want to leave but want some a$$ until then?? But I still love him with all my heart. I am terrified of losing him, the impact on the kids, financially supporting the kids etc When people ask, about our plans with new home, or we have an open house etc.I fight back tears. I feel like the life and future of myself and kids is in limbo. I cry all the time now and don't sleep due to the unknown. Any advice on how to deal with this would be greatly appreciated. Do I risk it all and give him an ultimatum, do I carry-on like life is good? I am so confused! I want it to work but am losing myself. Sorry this is so long but I have no one to discuss this with


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