# How to approach him?



## North (Aug 30, 2011)

Hello all, 
I'm a new member here, and looking for advice. 
The background is that my husband and I have been together for nearly twelve years and married for seven. We have an 18 month old son whom we both adore, but our marriage doesn't seem to be working any more. I feel like he doesn't really listen to me anymore. We argued yesterday about housework of all things, or at least I yelled at him for not helping out at all, and he got in a huff and did a whole load of stuff that didn't really need doing, wasn't a priority, and completely missed the point of what I was upset about. This is after me hinting, then telling him more and more strongly in the couple of days leading up about needing more help. 
This morning he left earlier than usual, and didn't speak to me except to say goodbye, and was then hurt because I was cross about being ignored some more. 
I need to talk to him about this. Right now I feel like I'm being petty, but I really think things are not right between us. How do I bring this up with him? He's not good at discussing this sort of thing anyway, and usually gets offended if I even suggest things might not be right between us. 
Help!


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## lovejones (Aug 30, 2011)

As a wife and mom, I can say that most of us have been exactly where you are. I understand feelings of being overwhelmed with all that needs to be done. While I am sure that the reasons you are feeling upset are not simply because those things aren't done, it's the lack of desire on your husbands part to want to help with those things. And on some levels some may view it as pettiness, but if it's important to you it should also be addressed. 

Usually when my husband and I begin to argue over small trivial things the only thing it takes to bring us back to the middle is some time to connect just the 2 of us. Plan a date night, surprise him with his favorite dinner complete with candles and cute lingerie. Get a sitter or put the baby to bed early. Dance with him in the middle of the living room, do something just for him to let him know how important he is to you.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

sit down and make a list of all the things you do 

do you work? part time or full time?
what house work do you do? prioritise your list from most important to least.


then sit down and do a list for him dose he work .dose he put in overtime or long hours?

what chores dose he do?

be as honest as you can with your evaulation as possible.

then in a nonconfrontional way ask him to discuss the unbalance in your work load and ask if he can help make it more fair.

don't be suprised if the work load is more fair than you think.

I know my wife had this attitude that she was doing everything and I wasn't making the grade so to speak and when I wrote it all down it was the exact oppisite.

but be carefull at first she refused to realise that I was doing far more than her. and she would make claims or distortions to prove me wrong but it was a plain as day. and she came around to be more realistic.


also some chore are probley not as important to him as you maybe you could do less of the chores that are not as important.

just remember on your death bed you would never say I wish I would have cleaned more but you might say I wish I would have loved more.


I also agree some dates or alone time would go far to strengthen your marriage.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

"Husband, I feel we are arguing a lot and its having a detrimental effect on our marriage. I want to work through this with you since it's clear we are hitting a wall. When you leave in the morning without saying anything, it makes me feel ignored. I want us to connect. Let's talk about what we can both do to help eachother out/come to a resolution."

Set up some marriage counselling.


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