# 10 year bug????



## sgtlost (Aug 20, 2013)

My wife and I are coming up on our 10yr anniversary next month. In the last few years of our marriage we had gotten a bit bored with the routine. 3 years ago I got out of the service which is not what I planned. She started going to school and became a nurse. We moved when she got her first job as a nurse. Unfortunately we she got a job at a prison. While there she met a CO that she began a friendship with. In the past we had talked about it and it was sort of a sexual fantasy of hours for her to have a "boyfriend". It has not been 6 months since this started and things are not looking too good. Tonight she pretty much asked for a break so that she can "find" herself. But during this break she would want to move in with this other guy. I love my wife and have bent over backwards as far as I can go. I know I'm to blame for this but I feel that at this point she has taken it too far. She tells me that she knows that what she is doing is hurting me but that she won't stop. I guess I can figure out how much she really cares for me. She tells me that she is no longer attracted to me because I have put on some weight since I got out but I have lost 16lbs in the last two months and it seems that's still not good enough for her. I just feel that she has just become to shallow and that I allowed this situation to go on for too long in hopes of making her happy. Now she doesn't know if she's happy.


----------



## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

sgtlost said:


> My wife and I are coming up on our 10yr anniversary next month. In the last few years of our marriage we had gotten a bit bored with the routine. 3 years ago I got out of the service which is not what I planned. She started going to school and became a nurse. We moved when she got her first job as a nurse. Unfortunately we she got a job at a prison. While there she met a CO that she began a friendship with. In the past we had talked about it and it was sort of a sexual fantasy of hours for her to have a "boyfriend". It has not been 6 months since this started and things are not looking too good. Tonight she pretty much asked for a break so that she can "find" herself. But during this break she would want to move in with this other guy. I love my wife and have bent over backwards as far as I can go. I know I'm to blame for this but I feel that at this point she has taken it too far. She tells me that she knows that what she is doing is hurting me but that she won't stop. I guess I can figure out how much she really cares for me. She tells me that she is no longer attracted to me because I have put on some weight since I got out but I have lost 16lbs in the last two months and it seems that's still not good enough for her. I just feel that she has just become to shallow and that I allowed this situation to go on for too long in hopes of making her happy. Now she doesn't know if she's happy.


It's not about what you weigh. It's about he being a pos. You need to go file for D. Change the locks on the house, and go no contact. Look up the 180 and start working on you.


----------



## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

Oh and by finding herself, what she means is she wants to see what its like to be with the OM, but she wants you to hang around to be plan B just in case it don't work out with the OM. Don't be plan B.


----------



## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

kick her to the curb. she s playing you because she can and dosn't think you have the stones to divorce her and move on.


----------



## MrK (Sep 2, 2010)

sgtlost said:


> Tonight she pretty much asked for a break so that she can "find" herself. But during this break she would want to move in with this other guy.


Wait...WHAT?

That is the oddest way of phrasing "I'm leaving you for my lover" that I have ever heard.

:scratchhead:

And it speaks volumes that you posted this in the General section instead of coping with infidelity. It's an affair whether it's physical or no. But for the record, it HAS TO BE physical.

She's already left you. Let her go. Find someone who cares about you. You didn't mention kids. I hope there are none.


----------



## toonaive (Dec 13, 2012)

SGTlost. Are you insane? This other man is taking your wife away from you, and she is ok with it, are you? She wants you to be ok with it. She does not respect you! As said before, you need to protect YOURSELF! Kick her out, file for divorce, change the locks. Go no contact. Shut her out completely. Do not let her manipulate you like this.


----------



## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

I never understand why a man or a woman would fantasize about their spouse having another lover. Whatever happened to role playing as two single people, i.e. cheerleader w/ HS QB, naughty nurse and horny patient, etc, etc??? These fantasies about spouse sharing are ludicrous, and frankly to me they CAN act as a gateway to want to have this garbage turn into reality. I don't get it.

OP, you need to set your boundaries with your wife NOW. I'd tell her if you leave this house, never come back again. Well, I hope you realize that she has had sex with this OM already. But as others stated, refuse to be plan B and move on with your life if you two don't have any kids.


----------



## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

Keep your stupid fantasies in your head. You opened the door to this mess and now it's too late. Question. Where did you think you would fit in with this fantasy? She takes a boyfriend and you do what? Take pictures? Wax your carrot while she bangs him? She gets the thrills and you get the shaft. You got big time problems friend. She wants to go, let her and tell her don't bother coming back, then look in the mirror and you'll see who is the blame.


----------



## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Kick this one to the curb.

This ain't got nothing to do with any 'bug' your wife is a mean cheater.


----------



## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Pack her stuff in garbage bags and drive her over to his place. Is the om married or have a gf? Time to find out.


----------



## dblkman (Jul 14, 2010)

6301 said:


> Keep your stupid fantasies in your head. You opened the door to this mess and now it's too late. Question. Where did you think you would fit in with this fantasy? She takes a boyfriend and you do what? Take pictures? Wax your carrot while she bangs him? She gets the thrills and you get the shaft. You got big time problems friend. She wants to go, let her and tell her don't bother coming back, then look in the mirror and you'll see who is the blame.


WOW kind of rough don't ya think? While the SO had a part to play in this he did not force her to cheat! Whether he opened the door or not you can best believe she would have most likely done the same exact thing had he kept the fantasy to himself. Her decision was NOT based on his fantasy it was based on her own despicable actions and selfish behavior.


----------



## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

dblkman said:


> WOW kind of rough don't ya think? While the SO had a part to play in this he did not force her to cheat! Whether he opened the door or not you can best believe she would have most likely done the same exact thing had he kept the fantasy to himself. Her decision was NOT based on his fantasy it was based on her own despicable actions and selfish behavior.


 Reread his thread. He said it was a sexual fantasy of "ours". He spelled it "hours" a typo". So he helped put the fantasy on the table and was willing to go along with it for what reason, I don't know. Yes she took it one step further and now is the time for the consequences. Now he's trying to put the genie back in the bottle. That's what happens sometimes when you make a fantasy reality.


----------



## barbados (Aug 30, 2012)

Your fantasy has been fulfilled, as she does now have a boyfriend, but unfortunately for you it does not include a husband. Be careful what you wish for. 

Very hard on any relationship when you start bringing in other people, unless you have an outright open marriage or are swingers.


----------



## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

1 post and gone. Makes me go hhmm. :scratchhead:


----------

