# Helping myself and others to get to 50,000 feet.



## JohnA (Jun 24, 2015)

I have created a bookmark on my IPad with a sub folder titled resource sources. In it I have booked marked posts that caused me to stand up and shout YES, THIS !!!! with other posters. 

The first such bookmark was by @F-102 post on how an EA and PA started http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/41508-emotional-affairs-sob-story.html. Added bonus it was on thread EA. 

The next was by @bandit.45 on the 180 http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping...r-does-not-know-if-she-wants-stay-married.htm

I have also booked mark a number of posts by @Uptown on BPD and CSA. 

Recently @Chuck71 Provided me a link to Conrad's thread on niceing a WS http://talkaboutmarriage.com/going-through-divorce-separation/44246-should-you-nice.html

I loved the balance @Rosealgow provided on Plan A and Plan B about MB http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general-relationship-discussion/298025-any-advice-22.html#post14280897

Of course the first link is for newibes http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/32002-welcome-tam-cwi-newbies-please-read.html

I try to link to both a thread and a post on subject that I think the OP needs to get 50,000 feet. Your thoughts and links would beba good help.


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## JohnA (Jun 24, 2015)

Dam auto correct it's @RoseAglow Also if you could direct some of the original posters to this tread I would love to read what THIS ! moments they might have had. @EleGirl jumps to my mind.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

All you need to get to 50K is the 180.

That's it, that's all, nothing else.


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/mens-clubhouse/18347-fitness-tests.html

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/going-through-divorce-separation/155305-weeds-codependence.html


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## JohnA (Jun 24, 2015)

Thanks Chuck71.

Hi @GusPolinski, 

we disagree somewhat. I view the 180 as a necessary first step to clear the deck to allow a person to view a lot of concepts and then act. Some include the fog, the why of an EA/PA, transparency, rugsweeping, triggers. 

I think few marriages can survive adultery. To me reaching 50.000 feet is about "fixing one's picker" and recognizing an issue before it becomes a problem/nightmare with the next relationship. I have saved some of your posts and weightlifters post. To me, being helpful most times involves advising a person who to talk with. (son of a Libarian/media specialist) 

I like the new @ at function because it let's the person know you mentioned them and where. I can see were it may become a nuisance. If I used it to contact you would you annoyed?


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

John ..... certain books for reading should also be on your page / blog.

For recovery and moving forward.

I see you live in Hillsborough County.... you lucky @#$$%%%^.

One of my dream jobs would be near you, Ft. Myers


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

JohnA said:


> Thanks Chuck71.
> 
> Hi @GusPolinski,
> 
> ...


For most folks, "reaching 50K" means detaching from a relationship/marriage and the associated spouse/SO in order to reach a place of calm, cool indifference. And that's the point of the 180.

I suppose it could mean whatever you want it to mean, though. Well... for _you_, anyway.

The new "Mention" function is nice. I use it to tag other posters in order to alert them to conversations in which I believe their input may be relevant (though usually not when quoting them, as it's somewhat redundant to do both). I also believe it to be a matter of courtesy to tag someone when debating or disagreeing with their perspective, especially when others have failed to do so.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## JohnA (Jun 24, 2015)

Sorry @Chuck71 I am in Hernando. Care to lists a few books and why you think they have help you.


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## RoseAglow (Apr 11, 2013)

@JohnA, to me, getting to 50k means being able to detach personally and see the big picture. It's getting a bird's eye view so you can see the forest for the trees. On TAM, it was known as the ability to be calm, cool, and collected even in emotionally intense situations.

I don't know where the posts are, but I recall the idea that ones spouse might try to get a reaction out of you. The metaphor was "pressing the soda buttons", trying to get a full on Mountain Dew reaction, or maybe a lesser reaction/Crystal Light.

Being at 0 feet meant that you reacted to the spouse pushing your buttons. Spouse pushed, you spouted. 

Being at 50k feet meant you could look down and recognize what your spouse doing. You realized s/he was pushing a button, and you had the ability to not react. You could simply observe what s/he was doing. How interesting. You didn't spout. 

I also found a lot of "50k feet" knowledge in books. The poster who I think came up with the soda fountain metaphor, Conrad, recommended a book called Awareness, written by a Jesuit priest. I think it's Anthony de Mello. 

I got a lot out of Ekhart Tolle's The Power of Now. In particular, he has a metaphor that individually, we are like buoys on the ocean. The ocean/our lives are always changing, but we bob on top in all waters, calm, stormy, choppy, etc. 

I love The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Riuz. In particular, his 2nd agreement is Don't Take Anything Personally. Here's an article with the run down: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/cui-bono/201012/agreeing-the-four-agreements

I think I first got started on while reading the Conversation With God books, by Neale Donald Walsch, in which it is suggested that we realize that it's our perspective that creates our reality. We decide what things mean. One person could do something, and three witnesses could interpret it differently than the others. 

And of course, Willard Harley basically encourages a 50k perspective in his Plan A, and his program helps people to not take things personally/make disrespectful judgements. There is no soda button pushing on his plan for any successful marriage.


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## JohnA (Jun 24, 2015)

Just found a post with great insight from 2012. The OP was dealing with a WAW spouse. 

It is by encircle and is half way down the thread and is the first of two by encircle on that page.

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/going-...s-leave-but-still-loves-me-8.html#post1017581


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