# watching my sister hurt someone. need advice



## addie (Apr 19, 2010)

I need a little advice. Last year my husband left me while I was pregnant with our second child. During the time he was gone he cheated with another girl(young girl). It hurt me more than anything and my sister helped me through the pain. My husband and I worked out issues and are very happy now. I still hurt inside when I think about him cheating. Well anyway my sister left her husband a month ago and moved out of state to live with me temporarily while she cleared her head and decided what she wants with life. ( she has 3 kids also with her). During her time here im bothered by her hanging all over my husbands cousin. She's says they r friends but they holdhands, cuddle, and hang out all the time at his place( I babysit) . It bothers me alot bc I know the pain I went through and I know her husband would be hurt also. It breaks my heart. She don't listen when I say its wrong. I really don't know wha to do or tell her or how to talk to her about it. Please help.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

If it were my sis, I wouldn't allow that behavior in my home, nor enable it. Your sis is acting inappropriately, and she should probably end a relationship before getting herself into another one.

I would send her home. Period.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

I would tell her that married women never hold hands or cuddle with other men. That is exactly like it looks: cheating!

Want proof? Get the two of them on video and afterwards tell her you are sending it to her husband. You'll find she suddenly doesn't think it is nothing.

She needs to stop or you will contact her husband and she will have to leave. As a society we have a responsibility to never accept or enabling cheaters.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

Shaggy said:


> I would tell her that married women never hold hands or cuddle with other men. That is exactly like it looks: cheating!
> 
> Want proof? Get the two of them on video and afterwards tell her you are sending it to her husband. You'll find she suddenly doesn't think it is nothing.
> 
> She needs to stop or you will contact her husband and she will have to leave. As a society we have a responsibility to never accept or enabling cheaters._Posted via Mobile Device_


:iagree: I once interviewed for a customer service position. When I found out that the company was a well known dating service for cheating marrieds, I politely excused myself.

I have witnessed the damage that cheating can do. I would never make my living from infidelity.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Yea, I'd send her home after calling her a wh0re. But...that's just how my sisters and I are.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Send her packing. Clearing her head in her case was wanting space away from the husband. There are no comments about why she left so we are left to our imagination.

I think the fact that you have babysit one time has already enabled the affair. Why would you babysit for her at all if she is going on a date with the OM? So what is done is done. They sound like they may have already taken it physical. 

My assumption is that she did not leave her husband because he was abusing her, but idunno. That matters. A woman running off with the kids from her husband is running away from her marriage and not working on it. It sounds like this fits right in line with clearing her head. Clearing her head was wiping her mind of her husband, isoalting him from her life so she would have room in her head for a new life.

I think she needs to decide to divorce her husband or work on the marriage before she has a BF and / or sleeps around. She has already bonded with another man. It has been a month. Sounds like her mind is pretty clear as far as worrying about her husband. I guess I have little sympathy for those that take breaks from marriage to clear their heads and are single during that time. Was either her or her husband in an EA before she left?

Send her packing. Tough love.


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

that_girl said:


> Yea, I'd send her home after calling her a wh0re. But...that's just how my sisters and I are.


lol


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## addie (Apr 19, 2010)

She says her marriage is over. So she sees nothing wrong with it. I do bc well she's married still for 6 more months atleast. Her husbands an ass for treating her so bad but I still see what she's doing as cheating until she's 100% sure her marriage is done. Her husband is trying so hard to fix what he's done over the past 10 yrs.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

You can't make her think differently. She thinks her marriage is over, maybe it doesn't matter to her how hard her h is trying. Some people give crappy partners another chance, some don't. Maybe... done is done. 

BUT.... even if the marriage is "over".... it's not on you to judge if she is right or wrong. I think the most you can do is push her to be independent, to get her crap together for her children, find employment and a place to live, in general...handle her chit. If the marriage is done, so be it.... but get it together sis. 

Some marriages are done way before anyone leaves..... which is why it looks like someone moves on "too fast" or without enough "grieving" time. And some women (and I guess men too) are actually surprized that the opposite sex is interested! It's a huge surprize and a huge rush if your spouse hasn't treated you as if you were special. 

I think there is alot at play, that an outsider can't know. All you can do is encourage her to take care of her family and start working on her future! You are a good sister to take her in, with 3 kids, and to be concerned for her. Just be there for her, and give her love.... even if it comes to tough love.


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## addie (Apr 19, 2010)

Sunnyt. Thanks. I appreciate that advice. Her marriage has been on the rocks for over a yr. Now I understand itsjust hard to see it happen knowing she's married. I talked to her and explained I didn't like it or agree with it and told her I don't want it in my home. She understood and apologized for making me so uncomfortable. And as far as work goes she found a job and I have encouraged her to go to school also. She starts school soon. Thanks again ur advice helped alot.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Shaggy said:


> Get the two of them on video and afterwards tell her you are sending it to her husband. You'll find she suddenly doesn't think it is nothing.


Exactly!

Also you can refuse to watch her children, period.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Her marriage maybe in trouble but she isn't a divorced woman yet. At a minimum refuse to watch her kids so she can cheat.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## nnoodle (Jul 10, 2011)

I had a similiar situation w/ my sister. 

I knew things were bad and she was exhibiting some behaviors that made me wonder what in the world was going on. Finally, while on vacation together we had an incident which I felt pushed the boundaries of safe behavior. I called my brother in law to find out what in the world I should do/what was going on. 

I found out she was a serial cheater and had been using supposed "visits" to my home (out of state) as cover for her weekends w/ other men. It had been going on for years. 

When I confronted her it got ugly really, really fast. Suffice to say, it has now been six years since she has spoken to me. She has filled her kids heads with all sorts of lies about me and I have just had to let it go. 

The last two times I was able to see her kids, my brother in law had to sneak them to see us. My brother in law is a good man and does the best he can with the situation. Its very hard. I was probably closer to him as a brother then my own (closer in age, kinda grew up with him watching over me). While they have been divorced for years, she still has a significant hold on him through the kids. She is very manipulative and it breaks my heart to see all the damage her selfish behavoir has done. Not just to her ex but their kids. 

She has also targeted our parents with her vitrol and cut them off too. Pretty much anyone that called her on her hurtful/amoral behavior has been shut out and horrible things said about them. 

Its painful but I guess it goes a long way in helping her justify her own behavior. I just hope she doesn't do the same thing to husband #2 and her new child. From what we have heard, the pattern seems to be replaying...

I don't know anything about your sister but brace yourself for the fallout. It may not be pretty. I think a lot of it has to do with the mental health of the person you are dealing with (she is bipolar manic depressive). I think that did a lot to complicate our situation. 

Wishing you the best


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