# Youth Sports



## BuddyL33 (Jul 16, 2009)

So last year my now ex and I put our son in youth soccer. He will be 5 this spring. He did pretty well, but most weeks were a struggle to get him to want to go. Leaving the house was always a chore and it took a bribe of some kind to get him to agree to play. Some days he was down right sobbing about having to go and others it was just a verbal acknowledgement that he didn't want to go. Out of the 8 games, he out right refused to play in 2 of them.

Well enrollment for soccer came up again and I thought hell, let's give it one more shot. Perhaps 6 months of maturity and he'd be more excited. Well I couldn't have been more wrong. His first game was this past Sunday and it was a nightmare getting out of the house. He was sobbing and crying uncontrollably about how he didn't want to do soccer.

Of course I did the usual bribe with him and got him to agree. However when we got to the field he was just done. He didn't want to play and only wanted me to hold him. I felt awful as a parent, that I was somehow making my kid be miserable and for making a commitment to other parents and children by being on a team.

I told the coach there was just no way he was going to play that day and we went home. I stressed about it all day trying to decide if I should just suck it up and get him to go every week, or just admit defeat for now on the youth soccer front and try something else.

Has any other parent been through this and if so, what did you do or what are your thoughts? Thanks.


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

Don't force him to go. Now is a great time for free play. Plenty of time for team sports. Did HE show interest in soccer or did you just decide that was a good sport to start with? Has he shown interest in any other team sports? What about individual sports like karate or gymnastics? 

Really tho - free play is just as important. Let him ride his bike or toss a ball in the back yard, play Frisbee or lots of other things that are fun at age 5. Get a basketball hoop, etc. Lots of ways to stay active and give him time to figure out what he will look forward to doing. If pushed, sports are going to be associated with negative feelings.


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## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

He is young and while I think sports of any kind help a child build in so many ways, he may not be ready. It is no reflection on you. All children mature at different levels. On another note does he free play with other children?


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Your experience with you son is an indictment of organized youth sports!

I coached soccer at your sons age for a few years. I started when my daughter was that age and I did it because it was the only way I could ensure that 4-6 year olds were not being drilled to death but having FUN!

We did cart wheels to kick. We picked flowers and handfuls of grass, cover the ball then kicked to try to get the flower to land on their foot (teaches body awareness and foot placement) I never had lines more than three kids deep. Spent many practices just letting the kids kick the ball around and form their own little games.

There is nothing wrong with your son! The problem is youth sports that don't focus on youth development!

Rant over....


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## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

Anon Pink said:


> Your experience with you son is an indictment of organized youth sports!
> 
> I coached soccer at your sons age for a few years. I started when my daughter was that age and I did it because it was the only way I could ensure that 4-6 year olds were not being drilled to death but having FUN!
> 
> ...



Very good points indeed.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Sorry, neglected to actually answer your question.

Watch the practices. Are the lines for drills too long? Is the coach praising each kid along with instruction? Are the kids having fun on the field or does it look more like instruction followed by movement? Are the kids having fun? Does you son stand off by himself often? Does he have any buddies with him on the field? Does he feel like odd man out? Does he think he is a good soccer player or does he feel like he is always making mistakes? Does the coach focus on mistakes and perfection or effort and fun.

I'm all for competition, but not at this age! Very few kids are developed enough to protect their sense of self when learning new skills at this age, so competition needs to be severely down played in favor of natural skill acquisition. Drills should be kept to a minimum. Kids should be broken into very small group with each child getting MULTIPLE touches in the ball.

If you're not seeing this, talk to the coach and let the coach know your son is having a hard time. If the coach doesn't respond, don't make your son go.

Lastly, some kids excel at team sports, other kids excel at individual sports. Some kids simply don't have the social skills for team sports. Perhaps you could offer to help the coach and make yourself available for practices. This way you can ensure the atmosphere is appropriate to the age.


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## Bobby5000 (Oct 19, 2011)

My son was a jock but I can't imagine forcing someone to play. Some form of activity is good so ask him what he would like like to do.


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## nikoled (Mar 12, 2014)

At age 5 I would try a variety of activities. Soccer, baseball, basketball, karate, etc. See what he likes. He might also not be ready for organized sports. You could try a more individual sport like karate, swimming, gymnastics too and see if that is a better fit.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*As a grizzled old 35-year veteran sports official who has reffed at all levels all the way from 5 year old youth to collegiate football and basketball, there is nothing more pathetic than parents forcing their kids to get engaged in athletics, or any other activity, for that matter.

If their heart is in it, they will gladly acquiese and want to join in. Otherwise, let the child be the ultimate decision maker. All too often, a kid's being pushed into athletics is nothing more than to satiate Mom and Dad's insatiable egos in putting that child out there onto that field, when he absolutely wants to be miles away doing something else!

And all too often, you have adults coaching these kids, even at the ripe old age of 6 or 7, are treating these impressionable children as if they were Green Bay Packer rookies being browbeatenly training-camped by Vince Lombardi; the price being paid for a $10 plastic trophy for the kid to take home, and a $40 team trophy for "Vince" to put upon his already heavily laden fireplace mantle!

Bottom line: Don't force a kid to do something that his heart is just not into, because yours is, and solely to satisfy your own personal ego!*


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## Cubby (Mar 28, 2012)

This is a tough subject. Sometimes kids need a push and sometimes a parent shouldn't push. But remember your son is only 5, so I wouldn't get too hung up on the idea that he has to play soccer. But I wouldn't bury the idea either. Maybe next year he'll be receptive to the idea. 

I firmly believe that some kids aren't cut out for sports and would do better in other areas. But then there are some who didn't like sports at a very young age and later on end up loving sports and excelling (like me & my daughter)

My advice would be to explore lots of things. Different sports and also other activities, like the arts. The more he's exposed to, the greater chance he finds something that hits home for him. And remember, he's still only 5. A lot can change as the years go by.


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## Cubby (Mar 28, 2012)

Anon Pink said:


> Your experience with you son is an indictment of organized youth sports!
> 
> I coached soccer at your sons age for a few years. I started when my daughter was that age and I did it because it was the only way I could ensure that 4-6 year olds were not being drilled to death but having FUN!
> 
> ...


Anon Pink, your story is similar to mine. I didn't like the way the very young kids were bored to death by a coach who insisted they did things they weren't yet capable of doing and never did anything fun in practice. 

Like screaming at 5-6 year olds to PASS THE BALL!! (How about first having them learn how to kick and pass the ball, and receive a pass, and learn to dribble, in a fun way, before putting the pressure on them in the games to pass to an open teammate? They've got too much on their minds just trying to control the ball at that young age without also trying to see the field and determine who's open!)

So I decided instead of complaining about it, I'd volunteer to coach. Best decision I ever made and coached for many years. And the kids learned a lot and developed skills, but had fun doing it. It's amazing that, with a little research and ingenuity, you can come up with all kinds of fun games and drills where the kids improve their skills without even realizing it.

I always felt great when the vast majority of the kids would sign up again the next season and also to see their individual improvement. That felt more successful than a stellar won-loss record.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Cubby said:


> Anon Pink, your story is similar to mine. I didn't like the way the very young kids were bored to death by a coach who insisted they did things they weren't yet capable of doing and never did anything fun in practice.
> 
> Like screaming at 5-6 year olds to PASS THE BALL!! (How about first having them learn how to kick and pass the ball, and receive a pass, and learn to dribble, in a fun way, before putting the pressure on them in the games to pass to an open teammate? They've got too much on their minds just trying to control the ball at that young age without also trying to see the field and determine who's open!)
> 
> ...


Right you are Cubby.

One year I coached girls lacrosse. Called a water break and started yakking with the other parents. Turned around and saw most of the girls back on the field playing a little pick up keep away game, laughing and having a great time. THAT is the goal of coaching! I'll never forget that moment because it was started by a girl who cried during the first few practices afraid that her mother would leave.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Do you know what really chaps my butt? To be out at a 7-8 year old youth football game, and have some ass of a coach trying to teach his charges such advanced techniques as calling audibles or exercising head fakes by the QB to try to make the defense jump offside; running "no-huddle" offenses to keep the defense on the field and largely worn out from playing, running complicated spread formations, and yes, teaching illegal crackback blocking techniques to take defenders out. And no one seems to want to legislate it.

The kids didn't come up with this on their own ~ it's their coaches that do! Why? So that ol' coach can get himself a little more hardware to place up on the home fireplace mantle for all to gawk at as a living testament to his great coaching accumen.

These kids need to only learn the basics of the game, knowing how to line up properly, snap the ball when they're supposed to, and sportsmanship and cooperation!

If their coach wants to be a world-beater, he needs to go volunteer at a high school or small college, but please leave our impressionable young kids alone. They only need to be out there for the experience of the game itself. 

If I had my way about it, these youth leagues would not play for wins or losses nor would they be placed in a Super Bowl type tournament. They should be out there solely just to learn the very basics and to just have fun!

Nothing more! Nothing less!*


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

My middle daughter was a D1 lacrosse scholarship player. When she was learning the game, she was on a club team with a crazy coach who never kept the score and refused to discuss wins or losses. He never cared who won, he cared about how well the team played. He insisted every girl play every position. He taught those girls a hell of a lot more than just lacrosse skills! He taught them to take risks. He taught them to learn the importance of confidence. He taught them to set goals and stay focused. I credit him with getting my daughter through high school with excellent grades because he insisted on getting copies of their report cards. The girls loved him! Lots of parents hated him because he yelled a lot. But they never listened to what he was yelling or how it affected the girls. He had such a great rapport that he could yell "Sally, should I get you a chair?" And Sally would laugh and start running but the parents were aghast. He was the best coach I have ever seen!


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## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

All this is good since I will be starting my fifth season coaching flag football. Spring flag football starts up soon in two weeks. Best part of practice, when we play ultimate football at the end. It is just like ultimate frisbee. These 11 & 12 year olds are competitive, but they are still kids and want to have fun. 

My philosophy is to teach basic fundamentals and team work but to always mix in fun. Even if we lose, there are always opportunities to let the boys know you believe in them and letting them know what they did right. Enthusiasm and fun starts with the coach.

ETA: hardest part picking a team name


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## Cubby (Mar 28, 2012)

All this talk about not caring about winning, I have to admit that I DID care about winning, but not at all when they're real young, like 5 to 8 years old. At that age, they don't care about winning, so why should I? After a loss, their big concern was getting treats after the game.

As they got older, I started putting more emphasis on winning, because it was more important to them. They don't want to have a coach who doesn't care if we win or lose. That's not much fun.

Don't get me wrong, I wasn't a screaming and yelling lunatic, or I didn't sit out the weaker players just to win, it was just that going into a game, we would prepare and try to win. It's human nature to try and win a game once you're out on the field. The kids want a coach who's in their corner and is enthusiastically striving for the same goal they have.

The trick is to have a healthy balance, and not have the desire to win overwhelm everything else. The main message I tried to send out was to get out there and give it your best effort, and the wins should take care of themselves.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*And as they do get older, they need to be introduced to be more goal oriented. But that's when they're finally mature enough to know what those goals are and have some reasonable expectation of what their own personal contribution can be in meeting those goals!

What chaps me is that undefeated "lifetime 5-6-7 y.o." head coach who thinks that if Bill Belichick ever retires from the Patriots, that he should be the one to immediately get "the call!"*


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## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

Number one thing I learned as a coach, referees are human.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

drerio said:


> Number one thing I learned as a coach, referees are human.


*We are! Just as are the overriding number of coaches!

Unfortunately, drerio, like self-centered coaches, we also have our fair share of egotistical referees within our ranks, who more often than not, value placing their egotistical presence over the game itself as well as the kids, the coaches, and the fans that we're engaged to be working for!

Preeminently, the perfect number for that set of people, whether coaches or officials, should be an absolute "zero!"*


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## John Lee (Mar 16, 2013)

At his age, I think it's ok to hang it up for now, maybe try a different sport. I hated soccer when I was a little kid -- I wasn't a great runner and my coordination was a little behind, and somehow the sport just made me miserable. I found baseball and basketball more enjoyable later on. When he gets a little older though, I would say there's a lot of value in teaching him not to quit things. 

One other thing -- is there anything you can do to get him in a little better shape in between practices and games? Can you take him out to the park and kick the ball around with him a little in a fun way? He may be suffering because he's not good at it, and getting better at it might make him enjoy it more. I didn't really learn to love baseball until I did a baseball summer camp, and then my dad started taking me to batting cages and playing catch with me more -- I didn't become varsity material or anything but I got good enough that it became fun instead of anxious.


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## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

I have used youth sports as an oportunity to introduce my kids to a bunch of different sports and to be active. My son hated baseball and soccer, so we quickly moved on from both. He does better with individual sports (currently track but he did tae kwon do in the past). I let him chose, but make clear that some activity is required. Without that, he would spend his entire life in front of a computer screen.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

With our oldest we tried to put him into baseball in elementary, his friends were playing...after all he is a boy.. and he should play a sport.. but all he wanted to do was bat the ball...he told us this... he started sitting down in the outfield.. this was really rather embarrassing ...that was it.. we took him out...

From that time on, it was more about focusing on what he enjoys, not trying to fit him into a mold...he took karate for a time.. he enjoyed this, it built his strength...then he got into cross country Running...that was his niche.... then he picked up the guitar, by far his greatest passion.... our 2nd son has been the most interested in sports... the 3rd could care less about any ...it's just not this thing...he is all music..

It's great if they have some special interest, but does it always have to be sports ?


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## appletree (Oct 9, 2012)

5 year olds are maybe too young for organized sport. They climb trees and hide and seek. Like that they develop much more body control than with organized sports. They need a lot of free play.


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## Cubby (Mar 28, 2012)

appletree said:


> 5 year olds are maybe too young for organized sport. They climb trees and hide and seek. Like that they develop much more body control than with organized sports. They need a lot of free play.


I think you're correct. 5 is really, really young for organized sports and I'm pretty sure it's mostly all about the parents' eagerness to get them started right away in the hope their kid is a star athlete.


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