# My wife cheated and left again...



## dan4120 (Aug 9, 2012)

I have been with my wife for 10 years, married for 4. We have broke up before we were married because we could not get along. We were on and off 3 times before we were married and cheating was not an issue. We got married and a yr. into it she cheated with a guy at work and someone she met online for at least for 6 months or more. She left me soon after and told me she was overwhelmed with being responsible for bills and being in charge of our marriage, that is her personality and I let it happen -- she is a leader and to a point I am but I could not be in charge. She came back a week later and I had found out about the cheating did not stop that. She did not want to tell me she cheated. I don't know why, I had to beg for the details. I needed to know the details though, and to this day I have very few details. I never knew what was going on in her head. I accepted the cheating and we tried to move on, I thought we were happy and 3 yrs later she left me again. She said she was unhappy (was not in love with me, but did love me and thought we were really good friends) and did not want to be with me anymore. Again I found about the cheating days later. I heard stories about her going at it with multiple guys at the same time and just horrible stuff that again I have no details and maybe it should be that way. She has been gone for 4 days and leave me no hope in returning. I cannot stop thinking about her. Her things are all over our home and the only thing that I want is for her to come home, it is so hard to live in the same place she lived with me in. At times I cannot handle it. I know I am strong, I know that if I keep moving and dealing with my emotions I will get over her. I believe God has a plan for me and I am doing my best to put him first. I do not like all this pain. I needed to vent this. I know that I was a cause to her cheating, and I was a cause to her leaving. I would hope after 4yrs of marriage that the commitment was there and that we could work out these things together and that if there was an issue that she could come to me and say "hey dummy pay attention to me" and I know that in a marriage it takes 2 people to run that marriage, I should have been a better husband. I try to go on dating sites to pass the time and try and give myself hope of someone else to come into my life. I am rambling I appreciate any insights you may give.


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## MSC71 (Aug 1, 2012)

dan4120 said:


> I have been with my wife for 10 years, married for 4. We have broke up before we were married because we could not get along. We were on and off 3 times before we were married and cheating was not an issue. We got married and a yr. into it she cheated with a guy at work and someone she met online for at least for 6 months or more. She left me soon after and told me she was overwhelmed with being responsible for bills and being in charge of our marriage, that is her personality and I let it happen -- she is a leader and to a point I am but I could not be in charge. She came back a week later and I had found out about the cheating did not stop that. She did not want to tell me she cheated. I don't know why, I had to beg for the details. I needed to know the details though, and to this day I have very few details. I never knew what was going on in her head. I accepted the cheating and we tried to move on, I thought we were happy and 3 yrs later she left me again. She said she was unhappy (was not in love with me, but did love me and thought we were really good friends) and did not want to be with me anymore. Again I found about the cheating days later. I heard stories about her going at it with multiple guys at the same time and just horrible stuff that again I have no details and maybe it should be that way. She has been gone for 4 days and leave me no hope in returning. I cannot stop thinking about her. Her things are all over our home and the only thing that I want is for her to come home, it is so hard to live in the same place she lived with me in. At times I cannot handle it. I know I am strong, I know that if I keep moving and dealing with my emotions I will get over her. I believe God has a plan for me and I am doing my best to put him first. I do not like all this pain. I needed to vent this. I know that I was a cause to her cheating, and I was a cause to her leaving. I would hope after 4yrs of marriage that the commitment was there and that we could work out these things together and that if there was an issue that she could come to me and say "hey dummy pay attention to me" and I know that in a marriage it takes 2 people to run that marriage, I should have been a better husband. I try to go on dating sites to pass the time and try and give myself hope of someone else to come into my life. I am rambling I appreciate any insights you may give.



so how is it your fault your wife continues to cheat on you over and over? I would be divorcing her right away, why be with someone who does that and has zero respect for you ????? I'd rather be alone than with someone like that. If she loved you she wouldn't do that at all.


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## mule kick (Apr 10, 2012)

It was never your fault that she cheated. She has serious issues with sex. She cannot be in a committed relationship and she probably cheated on you a lot before you got married. Don't dream that you could have been a better husband it would just make it worse when she cheated anyway. Maybe you two could be good friends and maybe you could get some of that action everyone else is but as far as ever expecting her to be committed to you obviously that is just impossible. And it sucks and it's not fair and if you'd only known and if she could just see it your way and a lot of other regrets that just aren't going to matter but you're going to dwell on them for months to come anyway. 

Welcome to the club!


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## Frostflower (Jul 22, 2012)

I totally agree with what's been said. This woman has serious problems and needs professional help. And there is nothing you can do. You will only anger her if you suggest she seek help. 

You don't need details of her encounters. That would only drive you more crazy.

Focus on yourself. Do things that you enjoy. Get out of the house. Get all of her things out of your line of vision. Pile them in the garage and tell her to pick them up by a certain date or you will donate them to charity. Have a friend there with you for moral support when she comes to get them. It sounds harsh, but you need to do what's right for you.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

You should expose her cheating to friends and family today. She never faced any consequences for cheating the first time, so she had zero reason not to do it again.

If you can find out the OM then you should contact their wives ASAP.


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

Dan, given her past and present behavior I would be afraid of her catching a STD so get yourself tested. 

Secondly you chose a broken woman to spend the rest of your life with. If I had to guess I would bet she started cheating way back when you started breaking up and getting back together. Each time she went out and looked for a better man but came back to you after her flings didn't result in anything serious. 

She's a serial cheater my friend and once you cleanse yourself of her, read the book "no more mr nice guy" and "married men sex life primer".


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