# Wife cheated before marriage



## Ark (Dec 30, 2012)

I am in the Navy, 5 years now, and my wife and I have just had our first child. Wile on deployment a few months ago- she informed me that a couple months before we were married she cheated on me. She said it was only once, and she has been faithful since (have been married 4 years now). 
Her story changed a few times the week she told me, which was while I was in port. The next port, she informed me that she fealt like she needed to leave me- but didn't want to(religious reasons?). Since then, I got off deployment. We had postponed talking about it until I got back, but 2 days after I returned my daughter was born 6 weeks premature. That was just over a month ago. 
I do not know how to approach her, or how I even feel. Most people I talked to just say "well, it was 4 years ago, and she told you now, so what's the big deal." Obviously most navy guys cheat and its every day stuff to them- but I have remained faithful. Now I do not know how to proceed. I worry mostly that now I have a little girl who I do not want to subject to the childhood I had, didn't even meet my dad until I was eight...


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## AngryandUsed (Jun 23, 2011)

Sorry you are here.

Could you understand why she wants to leave you now?


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

I think you should DNA the baby. I have a feeling she thought the baby was going to look very different or that it would be obvious you are not the father. 

I think she wanted you to either fall to your knees and not think about the baby or perhaps she wanted you to leave her so she wouldn't have to fess up. 

In the long run, I think she's been unfaithful very recently - at least 81/2 months ago and probably longer. 

Have you suspected anything?


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

walkonmars said:


> I think you should DNA the baby. I have a feeling she thought the baby was going to look very different or that it would be obvious you are not the father.
> 
> I think she wanted you to either fall to your knees and not think about the baby or perhaps she wanted you to leave her so she wouldn't have to fess up.
> 
> ...


If you have that gut feeling just to show you don't trust her I would DNA the baby. Good luck.


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## In_The_Wind (Feb 17, 2012)

Thank you for your service and welcome to the club no one wants to be in 
Good luck
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## theroad (Feb 20, 2012)

Ark, first step is to get the book Surviving An Affair by Dr Harley.

Second step paternity test that child.

What your WW is doing is trickle truthing. To get the whole truth and to make any good decisions you need the whole truth so you must get your WW polygraphed.

Tell WW when the test is. As the date gets close she will as other WW's do they trickle truth some more to get you to cancel the test claiming you now know it all.

Don't cancel. Tell her the test is still on to confirm everything.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

So she admits to cheating over 4 years ago, but claims nothing since.

1. why is she telling you now?

2. why does she now want to leave?

Something big doesn't add up. I'm thinking she did cheat years ago, and is telling you now, so you'd throw her out and be done with her. 

Very likely there is actually a current OM in the picture, and very possibly your new born is his. Could she be trying to leave you to be with the real father of her child?

Do a DNA test on the child.

you can also look at the childs blood type - there are certain combinations the based on the fathers type + mothers type are impossible to have. If your child is one of these you no for sure something is up.


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

I am sorry you are here - twice as sorry since you are service to our country when this happened. A wife cheating while a husband is deployed is a story that is far too common. 

A couple of things jumped out at me. 

Why the sudden confession and why the sudden need to leave you after 4 years? Something has happened recently that triggered her to do this. What could it be?

Has she reconnected with the guy she cheated with prior to marriage? These guys do tend to go back to the same pond where they got a bite on occasion.

Is it possible that the child is not yours and she was suddenly afraid that the child would resemble the "real" father?

Did she start an affair while you were gone?

Have her raging hormonal changes just caused her to be a little mentally unbalanced.?

It might be time for you to start snooping. Phone records. Text message. Emails. All the usual suspects.

Something is up and she does not want you to know.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Maybe she wants to bail on you cuz your not the kids real dad?


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

Ark, are you okay? Don't do anything silly. Calm down a bit and talk/vent here. Don't vent at home or on the job.


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

Most likely the child isn't yours and she ran to the baby's daddy.


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## workindad (May 7, 2011)

I also concur with the paternity test idea. If you want it for peace of mind, google in home paternity tests. You will get several results. This can be done without the mother. It is easy, not painful at all, and fairly cheap- under a hundred bucks give or take.

Unfortunately, I know about the in home tests for obvious reasons.

Good luck
WD


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## Ark (Dec 30, 2012)

She looks just like me, strikingly so, but I may still look into the test. My wife has also recanted on the leaving me idea, said she was just being stupid, this was before tha child was born. I have tried to ask if she cheated since but she has repeatedly denied, can't bring myself to believe her. I'm not even mad at the guy, to be honest, I'm more mad at myself for letting this happen. I should have expected this from her. Before we got married she kept going back and forth about staying with me- maybe I should have just let her go back then. 
I even thought about retaliating myself by cheating, didn't have the balls to do it... Pathetic huh. 
I still may try the test- though I don't doubt she's mine. I almost wish she weren't so I would have proof my wife was still lying. All I know for sure is I don't want to be without this little one-I can't even imagine the idea.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

Before your attachment to the baby becomes deeper you, for your long term peace of mind, should have a paternity test done. It will also send a message to your wife that her past behavior has led to this necessary procedure.


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

Try some of the pharmacies nearby, they might have paternity test kits. 

Most of them only need a cheek swab from the child and the "father", then you mail the samples. The results usually come back in a week or so.


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

If the child isn't yours, what will you do?


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

Ark said:


> I even thought about retaliating myself by cheating, didn't have the balls to do it... Pathetic huh.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Around here it's called many things, but pathetic isn't one of them. If I had to chose one, I would say a man of morals.

Sorry you're dealing with this but I have to concur with the others on the DNA testing. After all this you will never be sure until you are. Doesn't mean you have to abandon your child, as in your heart you know she is yours in all that matters, but the extent of the lies must be uncovered.

To get the full truth of this you will need to schedule a polygraph test for her. It's not so much for the reliability of it as it is the willingness of your wife to take it that will be a true indicator of where you are and where to go from here.

And this is just a start.


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

3putt said:


> Around here it's called many things, but pathetic isn't one of them.* If I had to chose one, I would say a man of morals.*
> :iagree:
> 
> Sorry you're dealing with this but I have to concur with the others on the DNA testing. After all this you will never be sure until you are. Doesn't mean you have to abandon your child, as in your heart you know she is yours in all that matters, but the extent of the lies must be uncovered.
> ...


:iagree:


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