# Here is what she has told me



## Bodhitree (Dec 29, 2011)

Here is what spouse has told me about affair:
Went out to dinner with him at restaurant.
Ate dinner at his house two times.
Contact with him was only over two week period. -Cell phone records support this time frame.
She told him to quit texting and calling since d day and says she has no contact with him at work. Cell phone activity shows no texts or calls since d day.
Has come home at normal hours of work since d day- nothing out of ordinary here.
Says she did not have any sexual encounters with him.
Says he tried to kiss her and she rejected.
Says she was into the attention he was giving her because I wasn't and that it was not a PA.
She admitted to lying about where she was on each of three times she was with him.
Had opportunity to stay the night with him on one of the nights- I had told her not to f***king come back home because she wasn't calling me back - but she came back home.
Hates to talk to me about it but still manages to do so when I bring up the affair.
Now the hard part- how in the hell do I know what is true and what isn't? At this point does it even matter given what she has told me. If she was still lying or there was still more to it wouldn't she have made up lies about her whereabouts during affair- there would be no way for me to know the truth. At this point, I am focused on knowing MORE details rather than less. But its been three months and this is what she has told me. We are in MC and trying to recover but I keep thinking there is more she isn't telling me. How long do I pursue asking her more questions only to get same answers that nothing more happened?. WHAT ELSE DO I NEED TO KNOW? Thanks for any input.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

I think she's lying about the physical part.

She went to his house twice just for dinner and rejected a kiss? Either she's lying or she's a total prick tease.

You keep having that nagging feeling that there's something more because there IS something more. 

I don't buy it for a second that it wasn't a PA.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

I`d never be able to believe they weren`t physical after spending that much time together alone.

I don`t know how you`re going to get those answers.


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## sigma1299 (May 26, 2011)

You realize that the odds of them having had dinner together three times, two of which were at his house, and not having had sex are very very slim don't you? You also realize that cheaters lie right?

I guessing that since they had dinner at his house he's not married? The best source of accurate data would be to reveal to his wife if he were and them compare stories with her, but if he's not married that's a nonstarter. 

Most cheaters who don't like to talk about their affair don't like to do so because they're afraid they'll inadvertently let a detail slip that they haven't thus far or that they'll reveal a lie. The whole idea of it's just too shameful for the WS to talk about it pretty much rubbish. If someone is remorseful and has taken ownership of what they've done, talking about it really isn't that big of a deal.


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## rrrbbbttt (Apr 6, 2011)

Okay, should be no problem for her to take a Polygraph. 

If you really want to be devious , may want to confront the guy and say my wife says " You raped her" See what he says.


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## bryanp (Aug 25, 2011)

Going to his house and having dinner with him a couple of times says it all. Do you think she went there to play checkers? She is lying to you. Have her take a polygraph for about $300. She is trickle truthing you. It is called damage control and minimizing what actually went on.

If the roles were reversed do you honestly think she would believe such garbage from you and be as accepting as you have been? She totally disrespected you and your marriage. If you do not respect yourself then who will? By the way the both of you need to be tested for STD's. Good luck.


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## snap (Oct 3, 2011)

My WW hurled all sorts of proof at me to support she wasn't seeing the OM during our false R: the call logs, alibis, that she wouldn't have enough time.

Turned out they did it in 15 minutes, the alibi was fake, and nothing was in the logs as they fixed the date in person.

In my experience, one tends to be right by assuming the worst. Cynical, but can't help it.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Here is what she told you 

Lies

More Lies


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

rrrbbbttt said:


> If you really want to be devious , may want to confront the guy and say my wife says " You raped her" See what he says.


That`s more evil than devious.

I love it!

"I thought my wife was having an affair with you but she says it was rape and I`m calling the cops. Is there anything you want to say about this whole mess?"

I`ll remember that one for sure.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

warlock07 said:


> Here is what she told you
> 
> Lies
> 
> More Lies


maybe she threw a statistic in there too....


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## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

Bodhitree said:


> She admitted to lying about where she was on each of three times she was with him.


She lied because she knew what she was doing was cheating.



sigma1299 said:


> You realize that the odds of them having had dinner together three times, two of which were at his house, and not having had sex are very very slim don't you? You also realize that cheaters lie right?


 If in your state cheating mattered in determining a divorce division of assets, dinner alone at his house and lying to you about it is all the evidence that a judge would need in ruling in your favor. She cheated beyond a reasonable doubt.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

So either she is lying teasing emotionsl cheater or she is a lying physical cheater.

This one a very simple black- white question for the polygraph.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 2xloser (May 8, 2011)

While ya can't jump to the conclusion they _definitely_ had sex, there's really a difficult straight-face test to believing "nothing happened"... all the experienced folks here will tell you, almost without fail: When there's doubt and uncertainty, trust your gut because it's almost always right. 

You are far enough away from original DDay that your gut feeling is not a purely emotional reaction -- you are unwittingly reading subtle body, eye, facial signals, because you still know this person.

And like tacoma, I absolutely LOVE rrrrbbbttt's rape confrontation ploy!


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## Kallan Pavithran (Jan 17, 2012)

bryanp said:


> Going to his house and having dinner with him a couple of times says it all. Do you think she went there to play checkers? She is lying to you. Have her take a polygraph for about $300. She is trickle truthing you. It is called damage control and minimizing what actually went on.
> 
> If the roles were reversed do you honestly think she would believe such garbage from you and be as accepting as you have been? She totally disrespected you and your marriage. If you do not respect yourself then who will? By the way the both of you need to be tested for STD's. Good luck.



:iagree::iagree::iagree:


Go for poly it can give you more peace of mind for your entire life. It can only give you that.
If she said truth then fine, if she lied then do the needful.


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## Kallan Pavithran (Jan 17, 2012)

Try to find out whether they have took it UNDERGROUND


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## crossbar (Aug 25, 2011)

There's an old saying. If a cheater's mouth is moving, they're lying. Because you have no proof of what actually happened, they are only going to tell you the bare minimum to make it seem that it isn't as bad as it seems. 

Although, I do admit, the calling the OM and claiming the "rape" thing is sneaky, yet very good! *devilish grin going on here!*


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## COguy (Dec 1, 2011)

Why did she tell you all this?

Did she know you were looking at her phone and had her records?

If you had the data but she didn't know you had it, I think it's a good sign. If she knew you were snooping and you showed her the "proof" and then she came clean, I would be a lot more worried.

If she came clean on her own then she would have little reason to tell you all of it with great detail, only to say she didn't do anything.

So maybe you can give some background on how or why she admitted all this and what you told her you knew or didn't know.


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

warlock07 said:


> Here is what she told you
> 
> Lies
> 
> More Lies


Warlock is correct about the lies. I am just over a month past Dday and here is what worked for me. I started D paperwork with an attorney, told my WS and as she knows this attorney (he worked on my WS's accident case for over 8 years), she knew I was serious. My WS did not want out of the marriage and the revelation that I was serious about D shook her world. She has come fairly clean on everything. For me there are several things that I am still insisting on knowing that she states she can't remember. But I did get most of the details from my WS. 

My WS told me that they kissed - code for we had sex - her older brother when I called him about the affair and he asked me if it was physical and I said that she is saying that they kissed he said to me that it was code for they had sex. When my WS finally told me they had sex, she said that they only had sex the first time and after that they would meet and talk about how awful they felt. Her two older brothers told me that she was lying to me and she would be the first person in the world to have stopped cold turkey. They told me if she crossed the line the first time and was with the dude for hours on following times they were having sex. They were right and I confronted her about this and that is when she opened up with all the details.

If she was in his house I know she had sex and you need to tell her that she would be the first person in history not to have sex under these conditions.


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