# Wife using strange mind games?



## Howieleem (Jan 24, 2021)

Have been married for 30 yrs. Last few years my wife has started to hum tunes or put on radio in the same room if i put the news on the tv (uk).
Says she does not like the news. I would never do that to her. Is she wrong to do this? It seems very divisive to me.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

This is a very strange thing to do... *last few years*? You've put up with this for *years*?


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## Howieleem (Jan 24, 2021)

Yes. Cannot get her to see how unfair she can be. I was brought up to consider others.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

Yes, it's wrong. It's also passive aggressive and between that and you dealing with this for _years_... I'm guessing communication has never been a strong suit. Time to change that.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

So, what do you do when she does that?


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## EveningThoughts (Jul 12, 2018)

Mind game?
It just sounds like your wife really really does not do well with hearing all the negative news stories.
I'm sure there are many people that don't watch that negative influence. 
I certainly dont watch it, as you cant be selective.
I only read it, that way I avoid the triggering, distressing, upsetting articles.

How long is the news tv on for?
You say you consider others yet are you considering her views on this?

Find a compromise, it can't be that difficult.
Just set a time that you watch it, and she is elsewhere.
Don't just switch it on willy nilly without taking her views into account.


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## Howieleem (Jan 24, 2021)

In Absentia said:


> So, what do you do when she does that?


I let her have her way, because it causes some animosity if i try to talk about it.


EveningThoughts said:


> Mind game?
> It just sounds like your wife really really does not do well with hearing all the negative news stories.
> I'm sure there are many people that don't watch that negative influence.
> I certainly dont watch it, as you cant be selective.
> ...


The news is a 30 min program. I dont stop her putting on the radio and humming.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Howieleem said:


> I let her have her way, because it causes some animosity if i try to talk about it.
> 
> The news is a 30 min program. I dont stop her putting on the radio and humming.


ok... but why are you posting this here now? Not sure what you are trying to achieve... isn't it a bit late to change her behaviour?


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## Harold Demure (Oct 21, 2020)

Have you thought about buying her an I pod (or similar) so she can listen to music whilst the news is on, or buy yourself an I pad to watch the news in a different room?


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Wait, so it's one 30 minute program a day and instead of leaving the room, she does that?? 

This can't be the only rude/overbearing trait she has. 

Try talking to her about it, that it's unacceptable, and there needs to be another way to deal with the fact that she doesn't like the 30 minute news program you want to watch.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Howieleem said:


> I let her have her way, because it causes some animosity if i try to talk about it.


Or you could tell just her to "turn it off", or more appropriately any of the following. "Sod off", "eff off", and or "piss off". One thing for sure if my wife did that to me, I wouldn't hesitate to tell her to "eff off".

Why you would let this go for years is beyond me. Is it because you are afraid of your wife?


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

We rarely watch the news for all sorts of reasons but if my husband wants to watch it for a while I just leave the room and get on with something else. Problem solved.
Maybe you have a TV in another room you could go to sometimes? Its surely about compromise?


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Unless you’re watching the weather report, it’s just propaganda. There’s no news anymore. Thee are just things they show you to manipulate people in believing whichever way they want you to believe. I haven’t seen any actual reporting in years.
No wonder your wife hates it.
But there should be a way to deal with it without being passive aggressive. Head phones?


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## Laurentium (May 21, 2017)

All I can conclude from that is that the two of you like annoying each other, and being annoyed at each other.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

I bet if a woman wrote in that her husband would deliberately hum or put on the radio when she was trying to watch a half hour news program the responses would be about how disrespectful that is and how she can get him to stop.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

If she doesn’t want to watch the news, try getting some Bluetooth wireless headphones and watch or listen on your phone?


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## pastasauce79 (Mar 21, 2018)

People can be so immature. 

My husband and I have different tastes in tv shows. He can watch whatever he wants, if I don't like it, I leave the room or read or do something else. My husband does the same. 

Some people are so crazy possessive they think their spouses have to like and do what they like. 

We are individuals for a reason. 

And why haven't you stop this cr*ap already? Are you afraid of your spouse?


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## Howieleem (Jan 24, 2021)

In Absentia said:


> ok... but why are you posting this here now? Not sure what you are trying to achieve... isn't it a bit late to change her behaviour?


To find out if her behavoir is normal.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

Howieleem said:


> To find out if her behavoir is normal.


Well that's easy, it's not.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

It's not normal, it's not nice, and it's especially not normal that you are too scared of her to tell her to knock it off.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

She needs to get into therapy and learn to deal with her anxiety IF that's what is driving this rude behavior. Get her a set of noise blocking headphones immediately though and tell her her days of doing this are over and that you want her in therapy for her anxiety or whatever it turns out to be. Now, if you are one of those guys who hogs the remote, then maybe all you need is an additional television. 

To be honest, the last time I saw someone turning on one noise over another, like radio over tv, the person was schizophrenic and just starting to get bad. She used the noises to drown out the noises in her head. She and I lived together for years prior, and then it started when she was living in a trailer by herself. I went to spend the night once and couldn't even sleep because she had started doing that. We had often been roommates, and I now believe she struck out on her own specifically so I would not know she was going down the mental illness hole, which she inherited from her mother. It was unfortunately around this time that she also met and married a neighbor and started having kids. He was a mess and she stopped communicating with me after awhile entirely. I was very worried about her. 

I found out a couple years ago that she died in her 50s but don't know what of . Very sad.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Howieleem said:


> Have been married for 30 yrs. Last few years my wife has started to hum tunes or put on radio in the same room if i put the news on the tv (uk).
> Says she does not like the news. I would never do that to her. Is she wrong to do this? It seems very divisive to me.


How old is your wife?


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## Howieleem (Jan 24, 2021)

sokillme said:


> How old is your wife?


62


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Howieleem said:


> 62


Have you told your wife to "sod off" yet?


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Would it be possible to make sure that you have 2 of everything. 2 radios with headphones, 2 TVs. 2 rooms to separately consume these toys. 

Sometimes it's nice to resolve problems by mutual agreement. When you can't, just take control of the situation. When I was a student and still had mail going to my parents', my mother would open mail that was obviously financial statements. Even meaner, I noticed that she didn't do that to my brother. So when I realised that an open honest dialogue with my mother wasn't going to get me anywhere, I cleaned up my mail situation and had it sent to my current address even if that meant that I had to change it every 6 months to a year.

Then when I was living in London years later, I decided that I wanted a bank account in the US. The internet was in full swing by that time so the financial statements I got were online while the bank would send me my debit to the street address or marketing mail. My mother was constantly calling every time they sent me something like info about their great mortgages. of course, my mother was opening my mail. But at that point who cares?


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Howieleem said:


> 62


Well make sure it's just this and not other things. 62 is still pretty young but just keep your eyes open.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Sadly, I don't think that there's a whole lot that you can do if the other one is uncooperative:

If you're cooperative, then you can negotiate that you have the TV from 5 to 6 and they can have it afterwards.

Otherwise, if you're dominant member of the couple, then you can say, it's my way or the motorway.

If you're not then, you're left with the option to gum up the system.

The only other possibility is to have a third party involved in some way. If you have something that they still want access to.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

sokillme said:


> Well make sure it's just this and not other things. 62 is still pretty young but just keep your eyes open.


Actually that's a really good point, do take note.


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## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

Why don’t you buy her a pair of earbuds? 
she can listen to whatever she wants to without bothering anyone.

Easier to find a solution than to complain.


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## Laurentium (May 21, 2017)

> Why don’t you buy her a pair of earbuds?


Several people have said things like this. I can only say that if two people like winding each other up, they'll find a way. If the solution was as obvious as earbuds, they would already have happily resolved it.


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