# Here we go again....



## girl12345 (Oct 1, 2012)

So long story short....husband cheated about 3 years ago when our son was about 6 mos. I figured it all and confronted after a few mos. Went to a few counseling sessions. Fast forward to Monday I log into his IM which I hadn't gone into for awhile. He uses it for work and I was just looking for any vent sessions about me. Well lo and behold I see a convo he's struck up with another co-worker that turned into flirting turned into I have a crush on you turned into send me pics. Confirmed on the text records that there were multimedia texts between them. This is all started last Wed 3/6 to current. Totally not what I was expecting to come across. Im sick to my stomach and don't know what to do. Part of me wants to lay low and let things take it course and confront, the other part doesn't think I can handle that kind of stress again.

Both 32 3 y/o son married 7 1/2 years, together almost 10


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## LetDownNTX (Oct 4, 2012)

First of all, Im sorry! The first time hurts bad enough but I think that each time after, although hurtful makes you angry!! I hope you have found your anger at trusting him.

The last time I caught my WH I was shaking I was so mad. Normally I would have bawled like a baby but the last time I felt stupid...for trusting him, giving him a chance, etc.

If you've already been through this once I dont think you should wait it out. You already know what he's capable of. I'd tell him I know what he's doing and Im done! If you let it go its going to get worse and continue! I dont have any great words of wisdom. I just want you to know that you can do it!


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

So what's your question?

My first thought is that the first time, the two of you swept things under the rug and didn't deal with it. This minimized the effects to him, and made it "no big deal". And now he's going down the same path. 

So what do you want to do now? I'd start with talking to a lawyer, to understand your rights and get a realistic understanding of your options. If you want to save your marriage, you need to come down on him HARD. If you just want to end things, then start taking your lawyers advice on next steps. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Regga (Jan 22, 2013)

I don't get how people can know about their partner having any kind of affair and not IMMEDIATELY confront them! Kudos to you for your patience!!! But, how sickening. It's 180 time for you don't you think? I would be a mess. A crazy mess!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LostandSad (Feb 13, 2013)

You have a lot of self control. When I hacked my H facebook account a month ago I could not contain myself. I contacted the women with whom he was interacting with a message from his account stating something to this effect "This is ****** wife and I have recently taken over his account and have found some very interesting reading. BTW you are not the only one he is interacting with and shame on you! You are married! Your husbands name is ***** and he likes fishing and playing golf. There are no secrets on facebook!"


Then I told my kids to clear out before H got home because I had found some things and it was about to get ugly. When he came home I told him what I found and an episode of Jerry Springer could have been filmed in my living room.

Since then he has felt the wrath of his daughters and is sleeping on air mattress at his dads and has on occasion had to walk home from work in the cold due to transportation issues. I don't feel sorry one bit.

At times I still feel rage.

How do you contain yourself?


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## dre43 (Feb 25, 2013)

I'm dealing with this again myself. It sucks. I feel like an idiot because the signs were there 5 years ago. I swept it under the rug then. Took his excuses and just let it go. I deserve better than this. But, I find myself not wanting the confrontation either. Just waiting for the right moment... although, there never is one. Need to find my strength and just face it head on.


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## badbane (Jun 9, 2012)

I would try to snag his phone and see if you can find those pictures. That way there is irrefutable proof. But yea kudos on the control.


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

Keep monitoring but please, think hard on what you want, talk to a lawyer anyway so you can find out where you stand, the better/worse/likely scenarios.
When you are ready confront and do what you have to do. I'd go hard line (filing, exposure to OW's betrayed if any...) and watch where his head is by his reaction.
Who knows, maybe it's the last straw regardless his reaction


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## girl12345 (Oct 1, 2012)

This whole thing sucks. It was not in my wildest dreams what I was anticipating finding. Not at all. I just found it yesterday. I can't eat, have dry heaves when I woke up this morning. I expected those, I had them the last time. I did notice yesterday I saw him unlock his phone and saw that he had changed the regular swipe to a patterned swipe unlock. I saw the pattern too tho  I know he'll "try" to be more incogneto this time, but he can't outsmart me. I did see something he was writing friday and didn't think anything of it, until yesterday after reading the IM's and it looked like instructions on how to save something to an SD card on his phone. He may also have downloaded an app to hide things that requires a code or pattern to unlock. He had iDiscreet last time. I'm really trying to just be cool, and let him totally act on this, confront and be done. But it's hard. Funny thing is, he's always buggin me about my weight...I'm not big, but could lose a few pounds.....this chick is twice my size. And yes she's married as well, to an ex-marine, and they have 3 kids. I know her phone number now from the records and could take a good stab at her work email. And her and her H share and FB page.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Did you not make a condition of your R last time that he never do anything like this ever again??

If so, kick him out right now.

If not, I guess you have some decisions to make. It obviously is a pattern with him which he intends to continue.


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## Racer (Sep 24, 2009)

I'm so sorry... 

I wouldn't tell him what you found. My plan is to just start the process without giving her the benefit of "why". Seems fair to me. Let my wayward figure out for herself what the issue is that ended the marriage. It sucks never quite knowing.... 

Even if he's remorseful, I still believe a divorce is an appropriate ramification for second offenders.


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## girl12345 (Oct 1, 2012)

Racer said:


> I'm so sorry...
> 
> I wouldn't tell him what you found. My plan is to just start the process without giving her the benefit of "why". Seems fair to me. Let my wayward figure out for herself what the issue is that ended the marriage. It sucks never quite knowing....
> 
> Even if he's remorseful, I still believe a divorce is an appropriate ramification for second offenders.


I agree....I always told myself that if happened again, I'm out. I hate so much that my son is the ultimate on to pay the price. He is just 3, and will have no idea what's going. I never wanted him to grow up in 2 homes, which is why I forgave the 1st time. But I can not continue to live my life as a detective.


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## illwill (Feb 21, 2013)

What were the consequences for his first affair? If there were none, why are you shocked he did it again? The only way you can take a cheater back is if they are very remorseful and you put them through a trail by fire. The fallout for his affair needed to be so painful, it would not be worth the thrill of another one. What will you do different now?


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

girl12345 said:


> And yes she's married as well, to an ex-marine, and they have 3 kids.


Get her husband's cell phone number and call him.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

turnera said:


> Get her husband's cell phone number and call him.


:iagree: :iagree:


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

girl12345 said:


> I agree....I always told myself that if happened again, I'm out.


Well, then, there's nothing to be decided. Go home, pack up all his clothes and crap, have it waiting by the door and when he comes home, move it all outside the door. When he yells at you and says what the hell are you doing, calmly say "I told myself if you cheated again, I would not stay married to you. Goodbye."

You'll never see a man scramble so fast to dump his OW.

Fast, swift, HARD punishment is the only way to get him to stop. 

If you even want him back. I wouldn't - you have another 50 years to go so you'll get, what, another 10 to 15 other women in your life?


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Yep. Kick his ass out. He deserves no better.


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## Poppy (Mar 14, 2012)

When I read this I freaked out. I know I cannot go through another betrayal. How terrible for you. I am so sorry. He does not deserve to be married to you or be anything to you other than the father of your child. Shame on him for not controlling himself for their sake. I am thinking of you...please be strong...you know you can.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## girl12345 (Oct 1, 2012)

So some more IM's finally posted this morn from Wed and yesterday. BAsically him asking what her clothes would like on the floor...back and forth like that. Mentioned he can't wait til the Boston trip for it (it's next month) if the bosses have her attend the conference too (which I had no idea it was even an option that she may be invited) and that yesterday would have been perfect and oh how he'd like to take her in the bathroom if it wouldn't cause such a stir....
So on my lunch I withdrew half of our bank acct, and will be confronting tonight. Not going to sit around and wait for the deed to be done.


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## badbane (Jun 9, 2012)

glad to hear you have made your decision. That's half the battle right there now you just have to see it through till the end. Good luck.


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## girl12345 (Oct 1, 2012)

badbane said:


> glad to hear you have made your decision. That's half the battle right there now you just have to see it through till the end. Good luck.


Thanks. It hurts so much to know that my little guy will be stuck in the middle through all of this. I don't wish I never had him, but I wish the cheater in WH could have come out prior to having and involving a child.


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## LetDownNTX (Oct 4, 2012)

Im sorry you are facing this...good luck! Be strong!


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## girl12345 (Oct 1, 2012)

LetDownNTX said:


> Im sorry you are facing this...good luck! Be strong!


Thanks!


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## southernsurf (Feb 22, 2013)

Sorry about this but start getting your ducks in order. You will be ok. Don't worry about your son, he's young and will be fine with you. Better to do it now than when he gets old enough to know what’s going on. Do it now. Stay mad and don’t let your emotions get the best of you. Consider it now a full time job to move on. Stay strong!!


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## Jasel (Jan 8, 2013)

Sorry you're going through all this again. Make sure you're able to save or collect as much of the evidence as you can so he doesn't destroy it. Expose to the OWH as well if possible.


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## CleanJerkSnatch (Jul 18, 2012)

turnera said:


> Get her husband's cell phone number and call him.




Yes, definitely. Blow this up in his face and in the OW face. You need to party poop this affair and kill all the fun. 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rQqiuynMwCQ

He has already cheated on you once, what more evidence do you need, a video of them together? This is gangrene and it needs to be cut off now!

I hope you saved all the evidence you currently have, as it is already an EA and it needs to end. Install keylogger after exposure, keep checking cell records, call logs, odd shopping times, no going out with friends or to parents house etc.

Game over man, game over.
Game Over Man, GAME OVER! - YouTube


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## GROUNDPOUNDER (Mar 8, 2013)

girl12345 said:


> So some more IM's finally posted this morn from Wed and yesterday. BAsically him asking what her clothes would like on the floor...back and forth like that. Mentioned he can't wait til the Boston trip for it (it's next month) if the bosses have her attend the conference too (which I had no idea it was even an option that she may be invited) and that yesterday would have been perfect and oh how he'd like to take her in the bathroom if it wouldn't cause such a stir....
> So on my lunch I withdrew half of our bank acct, and will be confronting tonight. Not going to sit around and wait for the deed to be done.


It's going to take something drastic to break his fog, so do something drastic. I would file for D, no ifs, ands, or buts about it. If he changes his tune over time, then you can always pause the D. I'm sorry to say girl12345, he's probably not going to change, at lest not in the short term. He knew what was at stake, yet he didn't, couldn't stop.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Are you ok?


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