# depression due to uncommunicative husband



## esha (Jan 1, 2014)

I have been married for about 2 1/2 yrs now and have a 1 1/2 yr old son. I truly and deeply love my husband. I have a caring husband as I am working he tries to help me with the house hold chores. His parents are also living with us and my husband tries to maintain balance between his responsibilities as a son and as a husband to ensure that things remain cordial at home. The only problem is that he shares his feelings/opinion only when he sees a problem between me and his parents otherwise he rarely shares his feelings, daily activities, problems with me. If he sometimes goes for drinks after office hours he only tells me he is going out with colleagues and never the names. whereas I am very transparent I like to share each and every detail of my day with him.
This makes me at times suspicious of him and sometimes I feel very depressed I fell that I do not make an interesting or compatible spouse and he may cheat on me if he finds a more suitable partner.
I have shared my discomfort with him due to his uncommunicative behaviour but he says that is the way his personality is and he cannot change. sometimes I feel i dont know consciously or unconsciously he is phobic of communicating his feelings as he thinks it may have some negative consequences or its safe not to communicate. I try very hard to make him comfortable by not asking counter questions, not reacting but it just does not make any difference. I fail to understand how can you love someone and not have the urge to talk to that person.
Please help me soon I feel really depressed and I a not able to come out of it and dont want to share my feelings with any known person.


----------



## tryingtobebetter (Aug 6, 2012)

You have come to a good place for advice. There is lots of wisdom to be gained on this forum (from others wiser than me for the most part).

Let me offer a thought or three that may be helpful before wiser heads chip in.

Your husband says he cannot change. It may be difficult to get this message over but I think it is very important that people realise that in marrying someone you are promising to do your very best to meet their needs (and vice-versa). That may very well require both the parties to the marriage to make efforts to grow as people in order to meet their spouse's needs as the years go by. There is a saying that to live is to change and I think there is a lot of truth in that. Part of the marriage promise is effectively to change in ways that make the marriage stronger.

Good books to read include His Needs Her Needs and the Five Love Languages. See if he will read them too.

Good luck


----------



## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

Conversation may be fairly low on his needs list. It's obviously high on yours though. It's unfortunate that it might be quite difficult for him to meet this need at first, but if you can pass the hurdle of getting him to understand that it's a necessary part of making your marriage successful and having a happy wife, then the rest will follow.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## LoveLonely (Dec 8, 2013)

I don't have any of the GREAT advice that is to surely follow. Perhaps I can at least offer something good. Show your husband my reply. BTW, I am a man.

Dude! Wake up! You need to start pouring your heart out to this woman every day and start cuddling big time! When you go out with colleagues, you provide a list of names to her, your address, and you BETTER respond to every single text! When you get home, you give her the rundown. And you always act EXACTLY the way you would act as if she were sitting right by your side with your colleagues. Lastly, when you learn to open up with your wife, do you know what will happen? You get to open up more! Yay! And THEN do you know what happens? The beginning of the greatest sex life neither of you can yet imagine...lol


----------

