# I feel like crap today



## working_together (Oct 16, 2011)

I feel like the karma truck has hit me dead on....and I can't control how I feel.

I've been reading on this site for about 6 months now, and I've seen so many b/s talk about karma, and basically that the w/s will get what's coming to them and that eventually it'll come back and bite them.

Well, I guess it has for me. My husband is a great man to have put up with the bull**** I've thrown at him during my affair 9 months ago. I recently found out that my 6 year old daughter is having a lot of difficulty academically. She seems to have problems focusing in class, and her report card was "fair", with a lot of improvement needed. I feel like it's all my fault this is happening to her, If I hadn't made mistakes in the past, this wouldn't be happening, if only I had been a better mother and wife. What's worst is that I have no or little control just as my husband had none during my affair....this really sucks.

Anyway, just needed a place to put this. Karma at it's best.


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## Nomad (Dec 1, 2011)

Did she attend counseling during the period where you and your H were going through the affair turmoil? 

My daughter went down a similar path. Turned out that she was bipolar. Meds helped. She's now off of meds and almost a college grad.


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

6 years old is a brutal age for marital problems/divorce. Kids that age have their own self-worth wrapped up in their image of their parents' relationship. Try to be as up-beat as possible around your child and shield her from as much of your problems as possible.

Good luck.


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## Badblood (Oct 27, 2011)

You need to get a handle on this problem now, before it has had time to become inprinted. You kids teachers and guidance counselors will help you . Sometimes, it is troubles at home, sometimes it is lack of maturity, and sometimes it is a learning disability. Between the parents and education professionals, you can diagnose the problem and decide on a course of action.


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## sadcalifornian (Sep 18, 2011)

When my XWW had her affair and moved out, my 11yr daughter was 7 yr back then. Since then, she was neglected as I was battling her A and the subsequent D, and the crazy custody arragnement of her having to shuffle two places every 3 days or so. Her academics got so bad that she has been at the bottom of her class for many years. She also suffered a serious bullying situation for years at her school, and she never told anybody about it. 

Although I was not the one that caused the situation, I have this humongous guilt that I somehow contributed to this sad place my daughter is in. I sometimes even cry for her in my privacy. My XWW on the other hand has been nonchalant about what she has done to her daughter. Just denial, I guess. 

Well, at least in your case, you recognize your fault in this and is trying to do something about it. 

This is why I don't understand when I see some WW claiming she is a good mother despite their A. How can they say that, seriously? I don't care how many meals they cooked for them and tugged them in the bed, how can they claim they are a good mother when they are throwing the kids into this life-altering experience that is likely to leave the unrepairable damage to their mind. This, I never get.


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## working_together (Oct 16, 2011)

Badblood said:


> You need to get a handle on this problem now, before it has had time to become inprinted. You kids teachers and guidance counselors will help you . Sometimes, it is troubles at home, sometimes it is lack of maturity, and sometimes it is a learning disability. Between the parents and education professionals, you can diagnose the problem and decide on a course of action.


I like what you said, you are so right even if we have some differences of opinion in the past lol.

We don't know exactly what the problem is, I gave the teacher permission to have her tested so that I can help her the best I can. I have also hired a tutor to help her with the basics, if she doesn't grasp the basics, she'll only fall further behind.

I really think that the affair has contributed to her difficulties, yes I am a good mother, but no, I was not at my best during the affair, and even during R. I know I neglected her needs because I was so ****ed up. During R. hubby and I were so focused on our problems, that again the kids seemed to come second.


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## working_together (Oct 16, 2011)

Thanks for all your comments, it kills me to see my daughter struggling in school, I hate that she said she didn't want to go to school today. She is only in first grade for crying out loud, she should enjoy going to school at this point.

When my older son was this age, their was a lot of trauma in his life, his dad had undergone several surguries, and was hospitalized for 3 months. The difference is that it did not affect him academically. What I need to understand is that each child is different, and trauma affects them differently.

Time to focus on my kids, and help them heal from my own selfish mistakes.


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

It seems to me that having surgeries and affairs are 2 different things.

One is where you both are working together; the other you both are breaking up.


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## working_together (Oct 16, 2011)

PHTlump said:


> 6 years old is a brutal age for marital problems/divorce. Kids that age have their own self-worth wrapped up in their image of their parents' relationship. Try to be as up-beat as possible around your child and shield her from as much of your problems as possible.
> 
> Good luck.


Thanks, I think because she is 2 years older than her brother, she has heard not only the anger, but understands somewhat of what has gone on. I think we need to reassure her that we're happier now, and spend more time as a family.

We only had our oldest son (21) at the time of his illness.


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## working_together (Oct 16, 2011)

aug said:


> It seems to me that having surgeries and affairs are 2 different things.
> 
> One is where you both are working together; the other you both are breaking up.


I think you're right, I didn't see it as different, but yeah, the illness wasn't going to destroy our family, their was not anger that came from that. My daughter has seen a lot of rage from her father.


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