# In a good M, how much does H let minor things slide when his W regularly thoroughly screws his brains out however H wants



## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

In a good ltr M, how much does H let minor things slide when his W regularly thoroughly screws his brains out however H wants and has a couple orgasms herself, as a way to get past minor disagreements of the day?

No major griefs like cheating, eas, super serious problems but the common day to day tension builders.


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

Depends on how good the sex is I would think. 🤣🤣🤣🤣


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## D0nnivain (Mar 13, 2021)

I don't think they have anything to do with each other but if the trade off works for someone & they are happy more power to them


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Are you talking about things your wife does and that irritate you? Not actual arguments?


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

D0nnivain said:


> I don't think they have anything to do with each other but if the trade off works for someone & they are happy more power to them


They have everything to do with each other. Shared positive experiences in any relationship from work to yes M, is a critical part of applying the grease that keeps the wheels smoothly turning.


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## LATERILUS79 (Apr 1, 2021)

Don’t know how many men will admit this but I will, because fuggit.


I will put up with a boatload of horse sh1t if I’m getting my brains screwed out.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Is this click bait, or is this a means to show off your personal situation?


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

Things tend to build, when not addressed. Great sex can provide a temporary escape from every day aggravations, but it’s not a cure. If “H” feels like there’s something troubling him, he should just sort it out with his “W” and the sex may be even better. lol


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> In a good ltr M, how much does H let minor things slide when his W regularly thoroughly screws his brains out however H wants and has a couple orgasms herself, as a way to get past minor disagreements of the day?
> 
> No major griefs like cheating, eas, super serious problems but the common day to day tension builders.


If someone is irritating you, it's because you let them.

If W does something that irritates me then I will come to terms with it and be ok, or tell her to change it. There's not really a middle ground.

Intimacy and other marriage benefits have nothing to do with that and only act as a bandaid.

Personally, I will come to terms with a lot of 'annoyances' in a relationship because people are unique and valuable. And there is every chance that what I am annoyed about is my own hangup anyway. If I immediately think I'm right about how she ought to <whatever> it is often self-righteous and self-serving and is just different than what I'd like. So if it's not a big issue then figure out how to be ok with it or talk to her and change it.

Eyes on the prize and don't fight about the bs.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

In Absentia said:


> Are you talking about things your wife does and that irritate you? Not actual arguments?


I can be irritated when something, even neccessary thing, or an operational disagreement schedule impacting item comes up disrupting what I was thinking about the day or evening's activities, and yes, W will acknowledge that and say hold that thought until tomorrow. Then she will thoroughly haul my ashes and yes, I let certain things go, afterwards, because I wasn't that mad anyway. I don't hold grudges.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

*Deidre* said:


> Things tend to build, when not addressed. Great sex can provide a temporary escape from every day aggravations, but it’s not a cure. If “H” feels like there’s something troubling him, he should just sort it out with his “W” and the sex may be even better. lol


And one of the best and most fruitful times to chat is after sex. It's a good conduit to getting past minor sh!t.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

I let all sorts of things go and there is no screwing my brains out happening... What a rip off!!  

For me, sex doesn’t fix whatever the annoying issues are and it won't make me put up with more. I'm not sure we've ever had make up sex (that wasn't affair related at least, and I'm not sure I'd call it make up sex).


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

BeyondRepair007 said:


> If someone is irritating you, it's because you let them.
> 
> If W does something that irritates me then I will come to terms with it and be ok, or tell her to change it. There's not really a middle ground.
> 
> ...


You're exactly getting what I'm saying.


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## FloridaGuy1 (Nov 4, 2019)

Numb26 said:


> Depends on how good the sex is I would think. 🤣🤣🤣🤣


I actually think this is very true. Putting up with some things is OK if the sex is good but if its just "duty sex" or its lame sex, thats not really going to cut it.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

bobert said:


> I let all sorts of things go and there is no screwing my brains out happening... What a rip off!!
> 
> For me, sex doesn’t fix whatever the annoying issues are and it won't make me put up with more. I'm not sure we've ever had make up sex (that wasn't affair related at least, and I'm not sure I'd call it make up sex).


Sh!t you're getting gypped!


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## FloridaGuy1 (Nov 4, 2019)

bobert said:


> I let all sorts of things go and there is no screwing my brains out happening... What a rip off!!
> 
> For me, sex doesn’t fix whatever the annoying issues are and it won't make me put up with more. I'm not sure we've ever had make up sex (that wasn't affair related at least, and I'm not sure I'd call it make up sex).


I don't think I've ever had make up sex in my whole life. Anytime I have been in any kind of debate, the last thing I wanted to do is have sex.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

FloridaGuy1 said:


> I actually think this is very true. Putting up with some things is OK if the sex is good but if its just "duty sex" or its lame sex, thats not really going to cut it.


That's what I'm saying. Specifically NOT duty sex. Specifically more the c'mere stud sex, are you really still annoyed, how about now?


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

FloridaGuy1 said:


> I don't think I've ever had make up sex in my whole life. Anytime I have been in any kind of debate, the last thing I wanted to do is have sex.


One cannot debate a partner into wanting sex. That never works.


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

LATERILUS79 said:


> Don’t know how many men will admit this but I will, because fuggit.
> 
> 
> I will put up with a boatload of horse sh1t if I’m getting my brains screwed out.


Not that it is necessarily a good thing, but I find myself doing the same thing. 

Sent from my Pixel 6 using Tapatalk


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

Also a man having sex regularly is not resentful and irritated at the wife due to her withholding intimacy. Some thing she might do that hits a nerve is not as bad as if he is already resentful and on edge with her.

To put it in Star Trek terminology.

If your woman is Klingon she is passionate and you know where you stand and would not withhold sex because she is gonna get hers! Hell yeah! Engage tractor beam!

Romulin?...watch your back, she is not to be trusted, cunning and you might find a knife in you. There are many of these. Shields up!

Vulcan? Why. She hides her emotions and she will find a logical reason to not have sex with you.

Cardassian? Their crap don't stink and you should be honored for her to let you be in her presence. Will cut you just because she can. Don't even worry about shields just get away from her.

Betazoid? My wife! Hot and sexy and can read me like a book. Knows what I am thinking before I speak it. She can see right through those shields so don't even raise them. 

Betajourin? She wants to be good. Bad/wild past/childhood and very passionate about things. Comes with baggage and may go off on your azz from time to time. 

You know when or if needed to raise shields or you will soon find out.😉


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

For example


LATERILUS79 said:


> Don’t know how many men will admit this but I will, because fuggit.
> 
> 
> I will put up with a boatload of horse sh1t if I’m getting my brains screwed out.


Is true. And I'm the one setting the size of the boatload, and it's yes, mostly fuggit, come to daddy.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> I can be irritated when something, even neccessary thing, or an operational disagreement schedule impacting item comes up disrupting what I was thinking about the day or evening's activities, and yes, W will acknowledge that and say hold that thought until tomorrow. Then she will thoroughly haul my ashes and yes, I let certain things go, afterwards, because I wasn't that mad anyway. I don't hold grudges.


I don't hold grudges either... waste of time and energy...


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## FloridaGuy1 (Nov 4, 2019)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> That's what I'm saying. Specifically NOT duty sex. Specifically more the c'mere stud sex, are you really still annoyed, how about now?


Yes, it would take THAT kind of sex to even come close to being worthwhile. Not the "OOOOOKKKKKK, if you really want to now" kind of sex


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Divinely Favored said:


> Also a man having sex regularly is not resentful and irritated at the wife due to her withholding intimacy. Some thing she might do that hits a nerve is not as bad as if he is already resentful and on edge with her.


Excellent point. It's my observation on TAM that this particular point is lost on so many couples.

Physical relations are critical to good, communicating marriages. Just are.


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## LATERILUS79 (Apr 1, 2021)

farsidejunky said:


> Not that it is necessarily a good thing, but I find myself doing the same thing.
> 
> Sent from my Pixel 6 using Tapatalk


FSJ, that was my point EXACTLY.

It's not something I'm proud of. You definitely know me well enough that I've allowed this to rule me. It certainly messed me up big time when I was going through hysterical bonding for about 5 months last year. 

I swear, amazing sex to me is like a temporary memory wipe. She could have taken a hacksaw to my arm, given me amazing sex, then I'd look down where my arm used to be and say, "Hmmmm... wonder where my arm went?".


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## LATERILUS79 (Apr 1, 2021)

In Absentia said:


> I don't hold grudges either... waste of time and energy...


Absolutely.

I am also exceptionally good at wasting time and energy on grudges. Just another one of my bad behaviors besides allowing great sex to wipe my memory.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

Rig


Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> Excellent point. It's my observation on TAM that this particular point is lost on so many couples.
> 
> Physical relations are critical to good, communicating marriages. Just are.


Right! If my wife is screwing my brains out, I feel loved and wanted and speed bumps or little things that upset me are not gonna have near as much impact, if you are floating. 😋

My marriage got better by 500% when I started communicating my mind. If she does something that hits me wrong or I just don't like, I tell her as such. Used to hold it in and brood over it. Now wife subscribes to the montra, "best way to make daddy happy is with a full belly and empty balls" 

She is right, daddy will hide body's for her.🤨


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## Zedd (Jul 27, 2021)

Probably the exact same amount of things that a wife overlooks that her husband does when her mental and/or physical needs are being met.


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## Bulfrog1987 (Oct 8, 2021)

BeyondRepair007 said:


> If someone is irritating you, it's because you let them.
> 
> If W does something that irritates me then I will come to terms with it and be ok, or tell her to change it. There's not really a middle ground.
> 
> ...


i love reading your responses. They are truly the most realistic every time. What I’m even more thrilled about is that I’m currently talking to a man who has this same quality and it’s amazing! Anyway!

just keep the good advice rolling sir! It’s good for males and females alike!


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> In a good ltr M, how much does H let minor things slide when his W regularly thoroughly screws his brains out however H wants and has a couple orgasms herself, as a way to get past minor disagreements of the day?
> 
> No major griefs like cheating, eas, super serious problems but the common day to day tension builders.


Sex increases the production and uptake of oxytocin, dopamine, and other feel-good, bonding hormones. Oxytocin is called the amnesia hormone for a reason. The more sex, the more nonsense you'll put up with.


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## Hiner112 (Nov 17, 2019)

If it was some kind of minor disagreement, I wouldn't remember what it was after they took their clothes off.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

🤣🤣🤣👍👍

Thank goodness I ended up with Klingon, Betazoid, and Betajourin mix.

She only goes Vulcan if I've gone far off the rails on an independent conan the barbarian weekend. That's a price I pay sometimes. Time well spent. That and unexpected trips to the ER for stitches or infrequent broken bone. She's a trooper when called for.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Zedd said:


> Probably the exact same amount of things that a wife overlooks that her husband does when her mental and/or physical needs are being met.


Of course. Why not?


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## hamadryad (Aug 30, 2020)

The best sex on the planet never paid a single electric bill.

Ain't nuthin goin on but the rent.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> In a good ltr M, how much does H let minor things slide when his W regularly thoroughly screws his brains out however H wants and has a couple orgasms herself, as a way to get past minor disagreements of the day?
> 
> No major griefs like cheating, eas, super serious problems but the common day to day tension builders.


Don't know about marriage or even a relationship at this point but I am already tolerating a sh-tload of incompatibilities with the woman I'm seeing, both identified and perceived incompatibilities simply because she gets me rock hard and keeps me there from start to finish.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

RandomDude said:


> Don't know about marriage or even a relationship at this point but I am already tolerating a sh-tload of incompatibilities with the woman I'm seeing, both identified and perceived incompatibilities simply because she gets me rock hard and keeps me there from start to finish.


I was annoyed on Friday with unexpected to me guests, W did her hold on till tomorrow juju, Saturday afterwards no more annoyance. I've been had but can I get had again?!!
🙂🙂🙂🙂


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> 🤣🤣🤣👍👍
> 
> Thank goodness I ended up with Klingon, Betazoid, and Betajourin mix.
> 
> She only goes Vulcan if I've gone far off the rails on an independent conan the barbarian weekend. That's a price I pay sometimes. Time well spent. That and unexpected trips to the ER for stitches or infrequent broken bone. She's a trooper when called for.


I would have to say the same. My 5'03" wife climb a big ole boys ass to get in his eye like red onion! She is quick to turn into a pit bull but can go back after a short minute.

I don't like the way I feel when angry. I am a 6'05" calm collected that takes forever to get angry. When I do get angry it may be for days. I am like David Banner, "Don't make me angry! You won't like me when I'm angry!"

She wonders why I am not quick tempered. Because I can't get pissed and calm down in same day. When I get pissed, I start to think of all the places to dispose of the body.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

I think some notable world events kind of prove this point.

When we had a liberal democrat from Arkansas in the White House that was screwing 23 year old interns in the Oval Office, we had 8 years of peace and prosperity. 

Then less than a year after a stodgity old conservative Republican from Texas takes office, a bunch of celibate guys from a sexually repressed nation that have probably never even seen female skin are flying planes into buildings and the world is at war.

Coincidence?????? 🤔


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## Hiner112 (Nov 17, 2019)

hamadryad said:


> The best sex on the planet never paid a single electric bill.
> 
> Ain't nuthin goin on but the rent.


That does depend on how you make your money...


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## ThatDarnGuy! (Jan 11, 2022)

I must admit that there have been times I have been in a bad mood. She then removes her shirt and does her thing and I forget about why I was in a bad mood 😂


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## FloridaGuy1 (Nov 4, 2019)

And of course, this whole premise is based on BOTH partners initiating. If only one ever does, I don't think many of the sentiments about overlooking anything would apply.

i.e. Husband always initiates. Husband ticks of wife by doing something. Husband tries to initiate sex to make things better. Wife kicks husband in the nuts and says "Not now!"


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

FloridaGuy1 said:


> And of course, this whole premise is based on BOTH partners initiating. If only one ever does, I don't think many of the sentiments about overlooking anything would apply.
> 
> i.e. Husband always initiates. Husband ticks of wife by doing something. Husband tries to initiate sex to make things better. Wife kicks husband in the nuts and says "Not now!"


True.
And definitely no nut kicking


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

EleGirl said:


> Sex increases the production and uptake of oxytocin, dopamine, and other feel-good, bonding hormones. Oxytocin is called the amnesia hormone for a reason. The more sex, the more nonsense you'll put up with.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> In a good ltr M, how much does H let minor things slide when his W regularly thoroughly screws his brains out however H wants and has a couple orgasms herself, as a way to get past minor disagreements of the day?
> 
> No major griefs like cheating, eas, super serious problems but the common day to day tension builders.


As mentioned already, this could apply to both.

From my perspective, and Batman might view things differently, I don't view sexual intimacy as a way to get past minor disagreements. I mean, our minor disagreements and particularly in more recent years, are typically directly dealt with from the stance that it's better out than in, and figuring it out from there. However, acknowledging the impact of released hormones through sex, touch, and intimacy, can combine with the _energy _which then permeate to others way of being within oneself and together in the dynamic; and vice verse.

To play along though, the other night I set my alarm to get up earlier than usual for some things I wanted to get done. I'm not particularly a morning person, and I expected him to sleep until our normal time. Post-intimacy, and he asked what I was thinking about. I shared that I was thinking that as part of my early start, I was going to make myself a certain breakfast. In other words, I was thinking about food. He replied, 'You really know how to sweet-talk me'  I then expressed (genuine) sweet-talk. Shortly after, I asked what _he_ was thinking about. He said that he was thinking about getting up early to make me that breakfast, yet reluctant to commit as he might want more sleep. I told him that he knew how to sweet-talk me; and couldn't blame him for not wanting to commit to that. Yep, next morning he made me the breakfast. While that's not an example of 'let minor things slide' these kind of considerations and 'giving' for lack of better word are fairly typical between us. Is that directly related to sexual intimacy or just overall digging one another and then expressing it in different ways?

While the saying goes the finger can't point to itself, the only thing that I particularly recognize within myself is that the more intimacy we share, the more I'm interested in demonstrating it (physically and otherwise) that is expressed in different and often small ways, such as initiating kissing him in his home-office or random moments of touch and his responses _reinforce _those expressions. I don't know, I've gotten too much in my head about it now while posting. I think in summary, we just dig one another and it gets expressed in various ways. And so, for the most part while we deal with minor disagreements, I also think we're pretty chill and understanding with one another too.

Then again, we did light-heartedly debate something the other night. I was getting undressed, and not intentionally (or at least consciously) doing so in that moment to distract, yet he looked to me and said, 'Okay, you win!'


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## GoodDad5 (9 mo ago)

I envy you guys who have wives who desire you sexually and who are willing to be intimate even when you have to deal with things you don’t like. It’s getting harder each day for me to overlook what she does that annoys me, since she knows I resent her for the way our sex life is.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

LATERILUS79 said:


> Don’t know how many men will admit this but I will, because fuggit.
> 
> 
> I will put up with a boatload of horse sh1t if I’m getting my brains screwed out.


This but it at least can’t be absurd.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

I wonder how many women are reading this thread and rolling the eyes sighing "typical"


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

RandomDude said:


> I wonder how many women are reading this thread and rolling the eyes sighing "typical"


Lots


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> Lots


And I'm loving it as we annoy them


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

RandomDude said:


> And I'm loving it as we annoy them


Well if I'm supposed to be annoyed, I instead feel a chump for posting!


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

heartsbeating said:


> Well if I'm supposed to be annoyed, I instead feel a chump for posting!


I'm poking fun 

Because it IS typical lol


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

heartsbeating said:


> Well if I'm supposed to be annoyed, I instead feel a chump for posting!


I'm sure I do a few things that annoy the W. But I just don't know what things..🙄

Like that Mac Davis song, Oh Lord It's Hard to Be Humble, when you're perfect in every way.... 

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> I'm sure I do a few things that annoy the W. But I just don't know what things..🙄
> 
> Like that Mac Davis song, Oh Lord It's Hard to Be Humble, when you're perfect in every way....
> 
> 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣




Although I joked on the other thread, I have a rough idea on how I can be annoying; not intentionally.
Okay, on the rare occasion it's intentional yet in a playful way.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

heartsbeating said:


> Although I joked on the other thread, I have a rough idea on how I can be annoying; not intentionally.
> *Okay, on the rare occasion it's intentional yet in a playful way.*


As both men and women we should play with our differences and celebrate them.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

He’d ordered some things online. One of which was a bath/shower non-slip mat. I asked about it; it was kinda ugly. He said it looked better online. And he’d gotten it for the guest bathroom for when ‘the girls’ stay over (meaning my friends, who are staying over soon and will be using that bathroom which needs renovating, although my friends won’t care) and when he was telling me that this mat could be hung up too…gawd… just sex appeal 😆. I’m not even joking! I knew his intention; and then leap-frog that thought to that he knows that weekend of them staying over is important to me. I was kissing his face off over this bath mat purchase. Plus, he was wearing a shirt that showed off his deltoids. Resistance was most definitely futile. Hot damn! I’m laughing at myself over this, but still… MREOW!


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## Buzlightyear (7 mo ago)

I also put up with a lot of crap that I never had to as a married man, with the new girlfriend. Thinking about the next cowgirl session keeps me in the fog. It’s definitely a great way to make things better, depending on what level of issues your having. So getting your brains screwed out has no negative impact on the relationship whatsoever. This for me is 100% accurate. So I get the drama and great sex, it’s like a package deal.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

I would say for us, the bonding of being together puts the other issues in a subordinate place where they belong. So would say the wife "lets slide" the irritations I bring, and I "let slide" the irritations that she brings. It is affirms our love for one another no matter what. 

When we married, we resolved to never allow the sun to set angry with one another. And that has stood us well for a very long time.


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## FloridaGuy1 (Nov 4, 2019)

Buzlightyear said:


> I also put up with a lot of crap that I never had to as a married man, with the new girlfriend. Thinking about the next cowgirl session keeps me in the fog. It’s definitely a great way to make things better, depending on what level of issues your having. So getting your brains screwed out has no negative impact on the relationship whatsoever. This for me is 100% accurate. So I get the drama and great sex, it’s like a package deal.


But the sex has to be GOOD or GREAT to make you overlook the other things. Crappy sex doesn't do it.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

FloridaGuy1 said:


> But the sex has to be GOOD or GREAT to make you overlook the other things. Crappy sex doesn't do it.


Sometimes crappy sex does it too...


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

uh, looks like the lady who hated sex and her thread have gone? What did I miss overnight?


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

In Absentia said:


> uh, looks like the lady who hated sex and her thread have gone? What did I miss overnight?


Major issues surfaced that were way beyond any help from internet strangers. Needs professionals IRL.


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## Busy Washing My Hair (7 mo ago)

Please note that the thread was deleted at my request, not because of something I did wrong. I am still here.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Busy Washing My Hair said:


> Please note that the thread was deleted at my request, not because of something I did wrong. I am still here.


Ah, just the thread's gone... fair enough. Good you are sticking around!


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## FloridaGuy1 (Nov 4, 2019)

In Absentia said:


> Sometimes crappy sex does it too...


Yeah for a while but its like when you are REALLY hungry. The first meal you will eat anything...fast food, TV dinner...but then after a while you want steak or lasagna or something really well-prepared.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

RandomDude said:


> I wonder how many women are reading this thread and rolling the eyes sighing "typical"


The reason I posted the other spin off thread is because I don’t think it is just a male issue.

I think the principle applies to both. 

If some chick is having hot monkey sex with some hunk that is leaving her breathless, I don’t think she’s gonna get too wrapped around the axle if he leaves his socks on the floor.


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## FloridaGuy1 (Nov 4, 2019)

oldshirt said:


> The reason I posted the other spin off thread is because I don’t think it is just a male issue.
> 
> I think the principle applies to both.
> 
> If some chick is having hot monkey sex with some hunk that is leaving her breathless, I don’t think she’s gonna get too wrapped around the axle if he leaves his socks on the floor.


My thought would be if either issue (sex or socks on the floor) is causing headaches in the relationship, at least one of the parties isn't 100% happy.

My marriage is an example. The wife worries about the dirty clothes and dirty house, I worry about the sex.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

FloridaGuy1 said:


> My thought would be if either issue (sex or socks on the floor) is causing headaches in the relationship, at least one of the parties isn't 100% happy.
> 
> My marriage is an example. The wife worries about the dirty clothes and dirty house, I worry about the sex.


A good split of responsibilities.

I'm kidding. She may worry a little about sex too!🤣🤣🤣


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

FloridaGuy1 said:


> My thought would be if either issue (sex or socks on the floor) is causing headaches in the relationship, at least one of the parties isn't 100% happy.
> 
> My marriage is an example. The wife worries about the dirty clothes and dirty house, I worry about the sex.


I don’t think that if she had genuine burning desire for you and had great sex with you that that would mean she would care about the dirty clothes etc any less. 

What that desire and sexual connection might do though is insulate it to where she wasn’t resentful and spiteful towards you if you did happen to leave your socks on the floor one day. 

As a side note: if you have read Washing Hair’s now deleted thread, or some of the other threads and posts by the LD partner.. or especially the LD forum on Reddit, You’ll see people that are not only resentful that their partner left socks on the floor, but are downright HATEFUL towards them.

Conventional wisdom is that the socks on the floor cause building frustration and resentment causing the desire to fade and potentially disappear eventually.

But I am starting to wonder if in some cases the lack or attraction and desires in the first place allows the petty annoyances to build and fester into eventual spite and hate.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

oldshirt said:


> I don’t think that if she had genuine burning desire for you and had great sex with you that that would mean she would care about the dirty clothes etc any less.
> 
> What that desire and sexual connection might do though is insulate it to where she wasn’t resentful and spiteful towards you if you did happen to leave your socks on the floor one day.
> 
> ...


Your last paragraph is my premise.


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## LATERILUS79 (Apr 1, 2021)

In Absentia said:


> Sometimes crappy sex does it too...


It can for some time….. but for me personally, crappy sex cannot overcome bullsh1t. Only great sex can.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

LATERILUS79 said:


> It can for some time….. but for me personally, crappy sex cannot overcome bullsh1t. Only great sex can.


Sometimes, I said. Only sometimes...  To be honest, I never had crappy sex in my life, so I don't really know what it is...


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## Busy Washing My Hair (7 mo ago)

FloridaGuy1 said:


> My thought would be if either issue (sex or socks on the floor) is causing headaches in the relationship, at least one of the parties isn't 100% happy.
> 
> My marriage is an example. The wife worries about the dirty clothes and dirty house, I worry about the sex.


Seriously though, research shows women carry most of the mental load of running a household.


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## LATERILUS79 (Apr 1, 2021)

In Absentia said:


> Sometimes, I said. Only sometimes...  To be honest, I never had crappy sex in my life, so I don't really know what it is...


I’ll let you in on a little secret. It’s crappy. 😂


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

FloridaGuy1 said:


> My thought would be if either issue (sex or socks on the floor) is causing headaches in the relationship, at least one of the parties isn't 100% happy.
> 
> My marriage is an example. The wife worries about the dirty clothes and dirty house, I worry about the sex.


Agreed, ex's complaints about my socks on the floor was a symptom and sign of bigger issues unresolved.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

FloridaGuy1 said:


> My thought would be if either issue (sex or socks on the floor) is causing headaches


When she asks you to pick up your socks, tell her "Not tonite hun, I have a headache".


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

In Absentia said:


> To be honest, I never had crappy sex in my life, so I don't really know what it is...


My dear old combat Marine Dad used to say "Even bad sex is pretty wonderful". He also said "There are no ugly women. Some are just more gorgeous than others."


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Busy Washing My Hair said:


> Seriously though, research shows women carry most of the mental load of running a household.


That's because men have had pyramids to build and wars to fight and meat to hunt and bring home without getting eaten themselves.


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## FloridaGuy1 (Nov 4, 2019)

oldshirt said:


> That's because men have had pyramids to build and wars to fight and meat to hunt and bring home without getting eaten themselves.


And I would rather live in a sloppy house and have great sex than in an immaculate one and go without. I could eat off every single corner of the floors of my house as my wife is so good at keeping it clean but at what cost? Her being always too tired for me and sex most days.

Which brings up a point. I make no secret of the fact I like to watch amateur porn. And I have always noticed some of the best stuff is with the couple having fun amongst a really cluttered place. Clothes on the floor, stuff everywhere, etc.

Could it be that great sex and tidiness are inversely proportional?


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

FloridaGuy1 said:


> .
> 
> Could it be that great sex and tidiness are inversely proportional?


Actually now that you say that, There is a podcaster called Dr Pysch Mom and she in fact does advise men not to get with women who are very picky eaters and who display OCD housekeeping tendencies (Both of which describe my wife 😯)

(For reference, Dr Psych Mom is a PhD clinical psychologist and marital therapist in private practice that has a website with lots of articles she has written and she has a lot of podscasts about family dynamics topics that range from sex, dating, menopause, marriage, divorce, child rearing, parenting etc etc) 

Anyway, she claims there often is a parallel between OCD like housekeeping and also very picky eating habits. She believes these are personality traits that are not isolated but carry over into other personality domains. If someone is very uptight and can only eat a certain brand of frozen peas cooked a specific way but won't touch another brand of frozen peas,,,, they won't touch certain things in bed either. 

And people that are very uptight and anxious where everything has to be perfect in the house at all times, are also often very uptight and anxious in bed also and can not relax and let themselves go with the flow. 

So yes, some people that are very tidy focused on everything being just right, can also be very uptight and rigid in the bedroom as well.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

FloridaGuy1 said:


> And I would rather live in a sloppy house and have great sex than in an immaculate one and go without.


At the end of my marriage I had a sloppy house and no sex...


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## Busy Washing My Hair (7 mo ago)

oldshirt said:


> That's because men have had pyramids to build and wars to fight and meat to hunt and bring home without getting eaten themselves.


🙄


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## Busy Washing My Hair (7 mo ago)

FloridaGuy1 said:


> Which brings up a point. I make no secret of the fact I like to watch amateur porn. And I have always noticed some of the best stuff is with the couple having fun amongst a really cluttered place. Clothes on the floor, stuff everywhere, etc.
> 
> Could it be that great sex and tidiness are inversely proportional?


No, those people are just trashy. Think about it. They’re posting amateur porn videos on Pornhub. I find that the messiness of their surrounding is reflective of their standards in general.


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## FloridaGuy1 (Nov 4, 2019)

Busy Washing My Hair said:


> No, those people are just trashy. Think about it. They’re posting amateur porn videos on Pornhub. I find that the messiness of their surrounding is reflective of their standards in general.


Agreed. BUT they are having some pretty hot sex. As I mentioned, my house is immaculate but I am not having that same ho sex so....just an observation.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

FloridaGuy1 said:


> Agreed. BUT they are having some pretty hot sex. As I mentioned, my house is immaculate but I am not having that same ho sex so....just an observation.


But they are also acting...


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## Busy Washing My Hair (7 mo ago)

FloridaGuy1 said:


> Agreed. BUT they are having some pretty hot sex. As I mentioned, my house is immaculate but I am not having that same ho sex so....just an observation.


Just don’t think in the instances of the people you describe that their hot sex had any correlation to their messy house. Perhaps they’re having such hot sex since they’re filming it for your viewing pleasure?


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## LATERILUS79 (Apr 1, 2021)

Busy Washing My Hair said:


> Just don’t think in the instances of the people you describe that their hot sex had any correlation to their messy house. Perhaps they’re having such hot sex since they’re filming it for your viewing pleasure?


Or...... maybe some people on this planet actually like hot sex? You know, the type that you said you don't understand.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

bobert said:


> But they are also acting...


No, not acting. What florida is referring to is actual couples setting the camera on the dresser and getting down and the uploading it to amateur sites. They may be embellishing a bit to put on a good show but since they obviously have an exibitionistic streak and get off on being seen, it's a bit of thrill for them as well. 

Are they putting on a show? Yeah. But are they paid actors following a script and being directed and filmed by 3rd parties? No.


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## Busy Washing My Hair (7 mo ago)

LATERILUS79 said:


> Or...... maybe some people on this planet actually like hot sex? You know, the type that you said you don't understand.


I don’t doubt at all that there are people out there who are genuinely having really hot sex and loving it! I’m just saying that I don’t think in the case of these amateur videos that their messy house correlates with how great the sex is. I think those people just happen to be messy and not prioritize organization and cleanliness of their homes. 

I’m not the one who said the amateurs were acting, although I do think many of them do. Maybe not to the extent of real porn actors but I think some amateurs are going to perform a little for the camera. What I really meant by my comment though was they may be having hot sex because they get really turned on knowing they are performing for an audience, that they’re filming themselves and there’s people like that member on this site who are going to jerk off to it. That could be quite a turn on for many.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Busy Washing My Hair said:


> No, those people are just trashy. Think about it. They’re posting amateur porn videos on Pornhub. I find that the messiness of their surrounding is reflective of their standards in general.


Do you watch porn regularly? Inquiring minds want to know. 🙂


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

bobert said:


> But they are also acting...


Of course. Similar to amateur musicians posting self made recordings. 
Acting, yes, but practice is required, some skill comes out. Watching a musician who enjoys playing an instrument is key. There's a difference. But many musicians love to play!


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

FloridaGuy1 said:


> Agreed. BUT they are having some pretty hot sex. As I mentioned, my house is immaculate but I am not having that same ho sex so....just an observation.


I think you're on to something. As I said earlier, the therapist Dr Psych Mom does make a parallel between extreme housekeeping and eating habits and sexual inhibition. 

In looking back through my own history, some of the women I have known that were the wildest and most uninhibited in bed were complete slobs in their home life. One had so much crap in her car, she barely had room to fit behind the wheel and she said one of the best things about living alone was if the dog pukes on the carpet, she could get around to cleaning it up whenever she felt like it. She would have been a terrible roommate but the word 'no' was not in her vocabulary. Even when it meant inviting one of her girlfriends to join  And yes I was ok with socks on the floor for that! ha ha ha!

But anyway, getting back to the housekeeping/sex correlation - That may be an interesting topic and discussion of it's own. You should post another thread about it and put it out there for discussion.


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## Busy Washing My Hair (7 mo ago)

oldshirt said:


> I think you're on to something. As I said earlier, the therapist Dr Psych Mom does make a parallel between extreme housekeeping and eating habits and sexual inhibition.
> 
> In looking back through my own history, some of the women I have known that were the wildest and most uninhibited in bed were complete slobs in their home life. One had so much crap in her car, she barely had room to fit behind the wheel and she said one of the best things about living alone was if the dog pukes on the carpet, she could get around to cleaning it up whenever she felt like it. She would have been a terrible roommate but the word 'no' was not in her vocabulary. Even when it meant inviting one of her girlfriends to join  And yes I was ok with socks on the floor for that! ha ha ha!
> 
> But anyway, getting back to the housekeeping/sex correlation - That may be an interesting topic and discussion of it's own. You should post another thread about it and put it out there for discussion.


Yes, but there’s a definite difference between a person who keeps their house generally clean and tidy like a “normal” person would and somebody who has issues with extreme housekeeping/OCD.


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## Busy Washing My Hair (7 mo ago)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> Do you watch porn regularly? Inquiring minds want to know. 🙂


No I don’t watch it regularly, but I have watched it. I don’t think porn is bad but I generally find watching 2 people have sex disgusting even if they are very attractive. The real porn actors are just too fake and the amateurs are often too real, so none of it floats my boat. There are a lot of ugly people making porn! I have seen those amateur videos where the room is really messy and the people just remind me of low class trashy people so I’m definitely not going to want to watch no matter how hot the sex is. If everyone else enjoys watching trailer trash get it on then be my guest.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Busy Washing My Hair said:


> No I don’t watch it regularly, but I have watched it. I don’t think porn is bad but I generally find watching 2 people have sex disgusting even if they are very attractive. The real porn actors are just too fake and the amateurs are often too real, so none of it floats my boat. There are a lot of ugly people making porn! I have seen those amateur videos where the room is really messy and the people just remind me of low class trashy people so I’m definitely not going to want to watch no matter how hot the sex is. If everyone else enjoys watching trailer trash get it on then be my guest.


Good thing one may be able to skip any trailer trash, to avoid that.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

oldshirt said:


> she said one of the best things about living alone was if the dog pukes on the carpet, she could get around to cleaning it up whenever she felt like it.


Ew. I can't see someone that filthy having any personal hygiene. I'd rather stick to my hand.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Busy Washing My Hair said:


> Ragnar Ragnasson said:
> 
> 
> > Of course. Similar to amateur musicians posting self made recordings.
> ...


I agree with this. 

Sure, the people making the homemade amateur content are putting a little extra pazzaz into it, but it's because they dig it and they dig the idea of others seeing it and getting off on them. 

The socio-political narrative that we all grew up with is that the porn industry is exploiting naive young girls, getting them addicted to meth and heroine and then having them perform infront of the camera for their next hit of crack by the director Fat Louie and the rest of his mafia henchmen. 

That may or may not have been what was taking place to one degree or another back in the '70s and Lord only knows what is coming out of Malaysia or Columbia or Urkraine now. But more and more of what is out there now in the amateur sector is essentially self-produced. These women are not being exploited by the mafia because they are the ones that are making it and producing it themselves. 

I personally know ..... (and I do mean "know" ) a woman from a small farming community and a professional 9-5 career that has several of her and her husband's videos out there. 

They are 40 year old hot and sexy professionals that are very sex positive and very open minded and very sexy and they get off making their own content for other's viewing enjoyment. 

Do they put a little more energy and pizzazz into it when they have camera rolling than a typical Tuesday night where they just give each other a hand before they have to get up early in the morning? Sure. But the point is they get off on it and they enjoy others getting off on it as well. 

I personally think that is very sexy!! 

I know others think all porn is bad under all circumstances. 

But I see that particular niche of the market as hot, sexy people producing content for other people's viewing pleasure to share the love.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

bobert said:


> Ew. I can't see someone that filthy having any personal hygiene. I'd rather stick to my hand.


Ha ha but no, when it came time to getting together, she was always very clean and hygenic and polished up.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Busy Washing My Hair said:


> Yes, but there’s a definite difference between a person who keeps their house generally clean and tidy like a “normal” person would and somebody who has issues with extreme housekeeping/OCD.


Yes. 

But the point I was referencing is that Dr Psych Mom has stated that someone that does have somewhat extreme eating habits or OCD-like housekeeping habits, that that is a red flag in how they may behave sexually. 

It would stand to reason that someone at the opposite end of the spectrum that lives in filth would also be a big red flag. 

The person living in dump would obviously not be a good roommate or domestic partner, but perhaps if they were to clean themselves up and put on clean, tidy clothes and meet someone at a hotel or at the other person's house, they may be a dynamo in bed... where as the OCD person's anxiety and hyper-structured personality may carry over into being very uptight and inhibited in bed as well. 

The gal I was referencing earlier, we never got together at her place. Away from her house, she was perfectly clean and hygenic and polished up well.


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## FloridaGuy1 (Nov 4, 2019)

bobert said:


> But they are also acting...


Yes, but they are still naked and having sex...


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## FloridaGuy1 (Nov 4, 2019)

oldshirt said:


> No, not acting. What florida is referring to is actual couples setting the camera on the dresser and getting down and the uploading it to amateur sites. They may be embellishing a bit to put on a good show but since they obviously have an exibitionistic streak and get off on being seen, it's a bit of thrill for them as well.
> 
> Are they putting on a show? Yeah. But are they paid actors following a script and being directed and filmed by 3rd parties? No.


Thats exactly what I mean. Its not pro porn its the dorky guy and his chubby wife down the street putting on a show.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

FloridaGuy1 said:


> Thats exactly what I mean. Its not pro porn its the dorky guy and his chubby wife down the street putting on a show.


It may be. Or it may be the average guy with his average W, just as well. Without the dorky or chubby description.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

Maybe in


Busy Washing My Hair said:


> Seriously though, research shows women carry most of the mental load of running a household.


A lot of households or because women tend to unnecessarily worry about things more.


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## Busy Washing My Hair (7 mo ago)

FloridaGuy1 said:


> Thats exactly what I mean. Its not pro porn its the dorky guy and his chubby wife down the street putting on a show.


To see if I understand, is the idea of watching the dorky guy and his chubby wife down the street part of the turn on for you?


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Busy Washing My Hair said:


> To see if I understand, is the idea of watching the dorky guy and his chubby wife down the street part of the turn on for you?


Probably not necessarily that, but what FloridaGuy means - I think - it’s that he enjoys watching normal people having sex, not just fake porn stars.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Busy Washing My Hair said:


> Seriously though, research shows women carry most of the mental load of running a household.


Research shows some women can be unnecessarily ocd.

Think less, more sex. All good.


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## Busy Washing My Hair (7 mo ago)

[


Divinely Favored said:


> Maybe in
> 
> A lot of households or because women tend to unnecessarily worry about things more.


And again it’s the woman’s fault. She’s just unnecessarily worrying about things. She’s hysterical! 

Very interesting read about it here: What Is The Mental Load? Women's Invisible Labor | mindbodygreen


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Busy Washing My Hair said:


> [
> 
> And again it’s the woman’s fault. She’s just unnecessarily worrying about things. She’s hysterical!
> 
> Very interesting read about it here: What Is The Mental Load? Women's Invisible Labor | mindbodygreen


There are good men out there, you know? We are not all assholes… is your experience distorting your view a little bit? I think you married the wrong man, if you are posting this stuff.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

In Absentia said:


> There are good men out there, you know? We are not all assholes… is your experience distorting your view a little bit? I think you married the wrong man, if you are posting this stuff.


@Busy Washing My Hair 

I read some of that link and wowser.
Men and women in a M, as in any team effort different team members have different roles. Equal but different. That's just universal.

Now, exceptions exist of course.

I might have a few asshole-istic moments here and there. But they don't have anything to do with thinking less of dear W.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Busy Washing My Hair said:


> [
> 
> And again it’s the woman’s fault. She’s just unnecessarily worrying about things. She’s hysterical!
> 
> Very interesting read about it here: What Is The Mental Load? Women's Invisible Labor | mindbodygreen


Granted, W buys 90% of all the Christmas and Birthday gifts, and leads the schedules of family get togethers, kids and grandkids visits, sleepovers and outings. I'm the master of carrying and loading stuff. 

PS dealing with daughter in laws does seem to be grevious at times. But all are relatively sane so works out. 
I do my things, she does hers. 
And we still have sex at the drop of a hat.

PS the boys and I can coordinate a three day fishing trip in under two minutes.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

I cooked for 5 people tonight as I always do, but I’m an asshole, apparently, according to the article. I’m not carrying the load… 😊


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

In Absentia said:


> I cooked for 5 people tonight as I always do, but I’m an asshole, apparently, according to the article. I’m not carrying the load… 😊


You slacker you.

We've got a Birthday dinner tonight at an let's say pricey establishment.

Guess who'll pay for the majority of that. On the other hand, all I have to do is show up in a sport coat.

I'll take that trade 🤣🤣 and consider it a win!


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

In Absentia said:


> I cooked for 5 people tonight as I always do, but I’m an asshole, apparently, according to the article. I’m not carrying the load… 😊


Now I'm curious. What did you cook?


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

Right. I was


In Absentia said:


> I cooked for 5 people tonight as I always do, but I’m an asshole, apparently, according to the article. I’m not carrying the load… 😊


Many times the wife gets so much crap in her head(self imposed) and that famous like, "I do everything!" Ok I'll gladly take your list, you take mine. I started listing all the things I did at the residence, shut her down quick. 

She used to gripe about something I did because she don't like the way/steps/process I did it. Ok so you can do it. If you are gonna get pissy because I fill washer, add detergent and agitate before adding clothes then you can wash all the clothes. 

She cleans showers, because she has her method and wants it done that way. Everything else is done together. I do maint on vehicles. She does bills(she is the xcel genius)


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> PS the boys and I can coordinate a three day fishing trip in under two minutes.


Pre fishing trip checklist -

Fishing rods and reels in good working order - check.

Bait - Check.

String, lures and other fishing tackle - check. 

Beer - check. 

5 hours into the trip with 4 guys crammed into a crew cab truck - "Hey, did anyone pack any food or toothpaste or toilet paper or clean clothes - 'Crickets.'

Smartest guy in the group - " Aw, we'll figure that out when we get there."


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

oldshirt said:


> Pre fishing trip checklist -
> 
> Fishing rods and reels in good working order - check.
> 
> ...


Tbh, that's why things required are stored together.

Because we've all had that experience!! 🤣🤣🤣


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> Now I'm curious. What did you cook?


Linguine with red pesto, garlic, basil and king prawns, and tomato, roquette and mozzarella salad, with plenty of crusty bread… nothing complicated…


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> You slacker you.
> 
> We've got a Birthday dinner tonight at an let's say pricey establishment.
> 
> ...


I wouldn’t mind that, because at least I wouldn’t have to cook for once… 😊


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

In Absentia said:


> Linguine with red pesto, garlic, basil and king prawns, and tomato, roquette and mozzarella salad, with plenty of crusty bread… nothing complicated…


Damn. Sounds good.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> Damn. Sounds good.


Quick and delicious... my style...


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## Busy Washing My Hair (7 mo ago)

Yes yes yes of course we have many husbands on TAM who regularly cook ALL of the family meals, but I don’t think that’s representative of western culture at large. While the gap may be shrinking, many studies show that married or partnered heterosexual couples continue to divide household chores along largely traditional lines. Just because 3 people on TAM say that the man in their house cooks most meals doesn’t mean that for a much larger percentage of couples household tasks still aren’t divided along gender lines.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Busy Washing My Hair said:


> Yes yes yes of course we have many husbands on TAM who regularly cook ALL of the family meals, but I don’t think that’s representative of western culture at large. While the gap may be shrinking, many studies show that married or partnered heterosexual couples continue to divide household chores along largely traditional lines. Just because 3 people on TAM say that the man in their house cooks most meals doesn’t mean that for a much larger percentage of couples household tasks still aren’t divided along gender lines.


So you're saying, no need to fix what's not broken, all is good?

SOME things get to be traditions and commonplace because it seems to be working out.

Now tbh beyond doing the outdoor grilling and smoking, I don't cook. I nuke, but beyond bacon, eggs, grits, it's not me.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Busy Washing My Hair said:


> Yes yes yes of course we have many husbands on TAM who regularly cook ALL of the family meals, but I don’t think that’s representative of western culture at large. While the gap may be shrinking, many studies show that married or partnered heterosexual couples continue to divide household chores along largely traditional lines. Just because 3 people on TAM say that the man in their house cooks most meals doesn’t mean that for a much larger percentage of couples household tasks still aren’t divided along gender lines.


True. It looks like you married a useless dud who shouts at you if it’s not ready when he is hungry or if you don’t wash his pants. I will invite you for dinner if you come to Europe one day. And I won’t shout at you, promise. I’ll cook you a nice meal instead… 😊


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

Busy Washing My Hair said:


> Yes yes yes of course we have many husbands on TAM who regularly cook ALL of the family meals, but I don’t think that’s representative of western culture at large. While the gap may be shrinking, many studies show that married or partnered heterosexual couples continue to divide household chores along largely traditional lines. Just because 3 people on TAM say that the man in their house cooks most meals doesn’t mean that for a much larger percentage of couples household tasks still aren’t divided along gender lines.


And your solution would be what to fix western culture?


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

My comment that my husband cooks was not to insinuate whether it was representative of western culture at large. Rather, it was to indicate those silly sayings about fully belly, and happy wife, are not relatable to our dynamic. The husbands cooking, however, does seem to be more the norm among our social circle though. I remember a sales guy, when husband and I were deciding about something, looked to my husband and said 'happy wife, happy life' - to infer to just go along with what I was saying - and I thought 'ugh' and expressed that's not how we roll.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

...Although he did with the new lamps I purchased; yet still expressed his opinion. We'd updated our living room and then wanted to get a new lamp for the entrance and living room. I'd told him about the style of lamp I wanted to get. Cool. Ordered online, and got two of the same lamp but different colors. After we set the first one up, I asked if he liked it and I'd already expressed that I did. He replied that if I liked them, that was good with him. I said I'd take that; and understood what it meant. Set up the second lamp, and I love it. I looked to him and find him to be quite expressive, and so that twitch by his mouth or slight eyebrow movement or something already spoke to me but I asked his take on it. He again essentially said that if I liked them, cool, and while he didn't want to be an asshole about it he also won't lie. I told him to let me hear it (yes, we're talking about lamps here). And so he continued that he didn't understand why I didn't try to find two different styles of lamps, as to him, it looks a bit like a display/store with the two lamps matching. I then told him that I genuinely like both of them, and whereas he likens them to looking like a 'display' I thought it gave continuity and flow between the rooms as they matched. And he knows that I like to 'match' things, whereas he's more about having one thing that stands out (in terms of furnishings / art). I get where he's coming from, and pretty sure he understood my take as well. We have different styles at times. Anyway, I know what he thinks about them and is also accepting to roll with them as I like them. I did also suggest that I'm open to switching them up; living with them for a while, and moving one to elsewhere in our home so that it's less 'matchy' in that area. This sounds ridiculous typed out. It was a 5 minute interaction about the lamps; was not an argument by any means. We are not a house-hold where I just (stereo-typically as the wife) furnish and choose stuff and he doesn't pay attention to it. Mind you if he did, we'd have a lot less furnishings as my default style would be extremely minimalist. I recognize this dynamic may seem odd to some, yet I personally like it. And I'd rather he tell me his thoughts about the lamps (or whatever it is) than just smile and nod and pretend to like them. And which is not really in him to do anyway. I think we get to know one another better that way. That's just me though!


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

In Absentia said:


> True. It looks like you married a useless dud who shouts at you if it’s not ready when he is hungry or if you don’t wash his pants. I will invite you for dinner if you come to Europe one day. And I won’t shout at you, promise. I’ll cook you a nice meal instead… 😊


Don't forget he is a grown ass man that plays video games, if I remember correctly. 

That would be like a wife that still plays with Barbies. 🤨😒


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

Divinely Favored said:


> Don't forget he is a grown ass man that plays video games, if I remember correctly.
> 
> That would be like a wife that still plays with Barbies. 🤨😒


Her husband has some major challenges. Video game enthusiasm and lack of empathy are two common features of his issues. It isn't something he can help. 

OT of this thread. Apologies


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## Busy Washing My Hair (7 mo ago)

Divinely Favored said:


> Don't forget he is a grown ass man that plays video games, if I remember correctly.
> 
> That would be like a wife that still plays with Barbies. 🤨😒


Wait, was this an intentional reference? Because I do play with Barbies and I mentioned it in another thread yesterday.


----------



## Busy Washing My Hair (7 mo ago)

Rus47 said:


> Her husband has some major challenges. Video game enthusiasm and lack of empathy are two common features of his issues. It isn't something he can help.
> 
> OT of this thread. Apologies


He also gets very obsessed with one particular thing and will then bug me about it wanting to show me and talk about it incessantly. Today I had to scold him like a child because I have an important project due for work next week and he kept coming up to me and talking, wanting to show me stuff, and essentially tugging on my skirt until I would play with him. Finally I had to give in and drink a beer to calm me down. The one time I’d be happy with him sitting there and playing video games all day….


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Sounds like a 5-year-old.


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## Busy Washing My Hair (7 mo ago)

DownByTheRiver said:


> Sounds like a 5-year-old.


He told me to stop being mean and I’m not being fair to him. It’s been going on all day and I’m about to lose my mind. I just need to concentrate on this project, but how can I when he’s in the living room singing some silly song about how much his butt hole stinks?

He is on the spectrum, and also suffers from ADHD, depression, anxiety, and PTSD.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Divinely Favored said:


> Don't forget he is a grown ass man that plays video games, if I remember correctly.
> 
> That would be like a wife that still plays with Barbies. 🤨😒


Ey? I'm a grown ass man that plays video games. They are great fun! 

They can bring you interactive movies or strategic puzzles to stimulate your mind that nothing else can!



Busy Washing My Hair said:


> He also gets very obsessed with one particular thing and will then bug me about it wanting to show me and talk about it incessantly. Today I had to scold him like a child because I have an important project due for work next week and he kept coming up to me and talking, wanting to show me stuff, and essentially tugging on my skirt until I would play with him. Finally I had to give in and drink a beer to calm me down. The one time I’d be happy with him sitting there and playing video games all day….


Well, let him show you this _one_ thing, then tell him you need to get your work done and he should go back to playing his video games 😅



Busy Washing My Hair said:


> He told me to stop being mean and I’m not being fair to him. It’s been going on all day and I’m about to lose my mind. I just need to concentrate on this project, but how can I when he’s in the living room signing some silly song about how much his butt hole stinks?
> 
> He is on the spectrum, and also suffers from ADHD, depression, anxiety, and PTSD.




Well, can't help you there lol


----------



## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Busy Washing My Hair said:


> He told me to stop being mean and I’m not being fair to him. It’s been going on all day and I’m about to lose my mind. I just need to concentrate on this project, but how can I when he’s in the living room signing some silly song about how much his butt hole stinks?
> 
> He is on the spectrum, and also suffers from ADHD, depression, anxiety, and PTSD.


No one would be feeling sexy with him. He acts like a child.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

Busy Washing My Hair said:


> Wait, was this an intentional reference? Because I do play with Barbies and I mentioned it in another thread yesterday.


Are you being serious or are you ****ting me?


----------



## Busy Washing My Hair (7 mo ago)

Divinely Favored said:


> Are you being serious or are you ****ting me?


Serious. I collect Barbies. I don’t necessarily play with them (most of the time).


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Busy Washing My Hair said:


> Serious. I collect Barbies. I don’t necessarily play with them (most of the time).


Sounds like a reason to post spaceballs again! 😅


----------



## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

*Deidre* said:


> Things tend to build, when not addressed. Great sex can provide a temporary escape from every day aggravations, but it’s not a cure. If “H” feels like there’s something troubling him, he should just sort it out with his “W” and the sex may be even better. lol


But he also said it was a “good marriage” which indicates there’s more than sex holding things together.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

DownByTheRiver said:


> Sounds like a 5-year-old.


He has actual developmental challenges. We have a relative and children of friends with his problems. The medical community has no solution, it is a lifetime sentence. He is to be pitied. As are those who love him. The problems are NOT his fault! It isn't anything anyone can fix, not him or his wife or anyone. His mental condition causes him to behave as he does.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

Busy Washing My Hair said:


> He also gets very obsessed with one particular thing and will then bug me about it wanting to show me and talk about it incessantly. T


If you have studied Autism any, (which being married to a person with it you should) you know that these are features of that condition. Obsessing is a normal trait. BTW, they are often excellent employees if they can find a skill they enjoy doing because they will work it to perfection.

There is a forum on here for dealing with physical and mental illness which might have others in a situation similar to yours.


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## Busy Washing My Hair (7 mo ago)

Rus47 said:


> If you have studied Autism any, (which being married to a person with it you should) you know that these are features of that condition. Obsessing is a normal trait. BTW, they are often excellent employees if they can find a skill they enjoy doing because they will work it to perfection.
> 
> There is a forum on here for dealing with physical and mental illness which might have others in a situation similar to yours.


Oh I know it’s normal for him. There are actually some very good books out there that have helped me understand. Sometimes his behaviors still drive me crazy. I am not very patient. So eventually he fell asleep and I stayed up until 1:30 am working on my project. He woke up around 7 this morning and didn’t do anything to let the dogs out or feed the pets or anything so I still had to get up early to do all that so I’m salty again today, but this is life. I’m considering making him a chore chart and promising to buy him an action figure if he fills the chart up.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

Busy Washing My Hair said:


> [
> 
> And again it’s the woman’s fault. She’s just unnecessarily worrying about things. She’s hysterical!
> 
> Very interesting read about it here: What Is The Mental Load? Women's Invisible Labor | mindbodygreen


That was an interesting article.

I’d say I pretty much run most of our house with my wife only doing what she wants to do (banking and bills, laundry, planning vacations). If she is really working a lot occasionally she will offload part of bills and vacation planning.

In any case, if the article is correct and women (generally speaking) are under mental load from managing a household in addition to whatever else they’re doing (job?) I would expect that would ripple into the workforce. I’d be curious to hear the author’s thoughts on that.

Ah one other thing, I think for what she does do she has more mental load from it than I do. I take care of stuff quickly so it doesn’t fester. It’s not even 8am and I already have done a load of dishes, cooked ingredients for dinner tonight that have to be cold later for preparation, took care of all the cat’s stuff, made and drank coffee, watched my Sunday morning metal news show, and got dressed to go running which I am about to do in a second.

She does everything at the last second or late.

Think of how much extra anxiety you’d have if everything is always at the last second or late. That would suck!


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

A perfect illustration of this happened Friday. Around Wed. she tells me she has a task due at work for Friday at 5pm. This task normally takes her two hours. I tell her confidently she will be late with it and turn it in slightly after 6pm (she never does this on time even if the due time is 11pm).

“Oh no… I am going to start it tomorrow so it will be no problem.”

“Uh yeah, after 6pm.”

I ask her about it on Thursday night and she says she started it so get ready to be owned by it being in time.

“Nope… after 6pm”

She was done at 6:15pm.

So she had the load of a looming deadline the entire time, was aware of it, had time to take care of it, but her innate nature of being late on stuff like this meant she felt the full force of that mental load and then also anxiety from screwing it up.

Now that is a feature of her as an individual and I’m sure it could be man or woman in that story but I wonder if there are population level differences?


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## Busy Washing My Hair (7 mo ago)

ccpowerslave said:


> That was an interesting article.
> 
> I’d say I pretty much run most of our house with my wife only doing what she wants to do (banking and bills, laundry, planning vacations). If she is really working a lot occasionally she will offload part of bills and vacation planning.
> 
> ...


I’m sure you’re not the only household like this but I’d doubt this sort of arrangement with husband taking care of most things is the norm.

As far as womens mental load bleeding over into the workplace, it does for me personally for sure. It affects my work performance. I know other women who seem to be able to do it all and they just compartmentalize everything and nothing effects them at work. They’re like super women.

I do things last minute as well. It does add extra stress for sure. I’m a procrastinator by nature but part of my current issue is that I have so many responsibilities on my plate due to the great imbalance in my household that I feel like I’m constantly pulled in 20 directions and just trying to juggle all of the tasks. I feel like I’m constantly busy yet still only able to get things done just in time because there’s just so much for me to do.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Rus47 said:


> He has actual developmental challenges. We have a relative and children of friends with his problems. The medical community has no solution, it is a lifetime sentence. He is to be pitied. As are those who love him. The problems are NOT his fault! It isn't anything anyone can fix, not him or his wife or anyone. His mental condition causes him to behave as he does.


Yeah but she's over here beating herself up because she doesn't feel sexual. Also not her fault. I could not live with that.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Busy Washing My Hair said:


> I’m sure you’re not the only household like this but I’d doubt this sort of arrangement with husband taking care of most things is the norm.
> 
> As far as womens mental load bleeding over into the workplace, it does for me personally for sure. It affects my work performance. I know other women who seem to be able to do it all and they just compartmentalize everything and nothing effects them at work. They’re like super women.
> 
> I do things last minute as well. It does add extra stress for sure. I’m a procrastinator by nature but part of my current issue is that I have so many responsibilities on my plate due to the great imbalance in my household that I feel like I’m constantly pulled in 20 directions and just trying to juggle all of the tasks. I feel like I’m constantly busy yet still only able to get things done just in time because there’s just so much for me to do.


Is not out of the norm either, though.

I know plenty of couples in which the husband works, takes care of _everything_ financial, takes care of the property (upkeep, repairs, outside work), the vehicles, part of the cleaning and cooking and shopping and childcare. Wife doesn't work, doesn't need to worry about much of anything, and also has a cleaner, and a ton of leisure time and the husband makes enough $$ that she pampers herself all of the time. 

My own parents are in their 80s.

My dad has always been the one to make dinner, he does the dishes, he does much of the general cleaning, ALL of the outside work, and in 60 years of marriage I will wager my mother has never even had to write a check for monthly bills.


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## Busy Washing My Hair (7 mo ago)

Livvie said:


> Is not out of the norm either, though.
> 
> I know plenty of couples in which the husband works, takes care of _everything_ financial, takes care of the property (upkeep, repairs, outside work), the vehicles, part of the cleaning and cooking and shopping and childcare. Wife doesn't work, doesn't need to worry about much of anything, and also has a cleaner, and a ton of leisure time and the husband makes enough $$ that she pampers herself all of the time.
> 
> ...


Didn’t say that doesn’t happen. I think there are many couples where work is divided somewhat evenly, even if husband and wife do not equally take part in all tasks. In general I think couples in western society still divide many household tasks and responsibilities along traditional gender lines.

I think it’s more rare to have a situation like ccpowerslave where he obviously makes really good money because I saw he said somewhere his wife wouldn’t have to work if she didn’t want to, so he’s the breadwinner and probably paying the bills, he plans and cooks all meals, and he basically takes care of everything to the point that she wouldn’t have to lift a finger if she didn’t want to. Even now it sounds like she only does the things she does around the house because they’re the things she enjoys doing, not because there’s an expectation that she should do them. I’m not saying that’s totally out of the ordinary, I just don’t think that’s the norm. I think if anything maybe there’s a norm of a more equally divided workload between spouses, but they tend to have their own “tasks” they’re responsible for OR that they equally take care of a lot of the same day to day things - I think it has got to be more rare for the husband to have a much bigger load of household responsibilities than the wife. If there’s an imbalance, it’s usually the woman who has more responsibility.

In my home growing up I’d say my parents were pretty 50/50, but my mom did most of the cooking, laundry, and cleaning inside the home. She also worked full time. My dad paid the bills each month, but my mom paid for certain other expenses. My dad did most home repairs, yard work, vehicle maintenance, but would also wash dishes after my mom cooked or fold a load of laundry while watching TV. My dad was an active involved father but my mom kept the behind the scenes childcare things in order, took us school shopping, scheduled our doctors/dentist/orthodontist appointments, got our clothes ready for the next day, packed our lunches.

I think when it comes to the household many women do a lot of the behind the scenes tasks and planning, which often goes unnoticed until or unless they aren’t there to do it anymore. Many people are oblivious to these things that traditionally more women take care of. Obviously this won’t be true for every household but study upon study show this to be true for quite a few. It’s probably not nearly imbalanced as it was in the 50s and 60s of course.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

Livvie said:


> Wife doesn't work, doesn't need to worry about much of anything, and also has a cleaner, and a ton of leisure time and the husband makes enough $$ that she pampers herself all of the time.


I would think that situation would tend to produce boredom, hence search for some excitement, hence fertile ground for an affair for some excitement. “Housewives” storyline. Doing the poolboy or the lawn guy.

An idle mind is dangerous


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## Busy Washing My Hair (7 mo ago)

I’m really curious what ccpowerslave does for a living if he makes enough money for his wife to not have to work but he has enough time to do so much of the household load. I’m obviously in the wrong career field.


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## Busy Washing My Hair (7 mo ago)

Rus47 said:


> I would that situation would tend to produce boredom, hence search for some excitement, h


Well if she’s bored I’ll gladly take her place for a while. Sounds like a dream!


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## FloridaGuy1 (Nov 4, 2019)

Busy Washing My Hair said:


> Well if she’s bored I’ll gladly take her place for a while. Sounds like a dream!


My wife doesn't work and hasn't for several years and we are doing fine financially. The flip side of that is I get a bit resentful that as she doesn't work, I would expect her to be more available and interested in sex. i.e. she has no career worries or responsibilities so nothing like that on her mind or to stress her.

Maybe thats a bad correlation on my part but thats how I feel.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

Busy Washing My Hair said:


> I’m really curious what ccpowerslave does for a living if he makes enough money for his wife to not have to work but he has enough time to do so much of the household load. I’m obviously in the wrong career field.


My wife was a SAHM from after we married until when kids in HS by her choice. She took care of the house, was her domain. I made good money as a professional, so money was no issue. She went back to work because she didnt like being bored. The money she made wasnt in our budget so she used it for clothes and personal.

Not a common situation today, but was once the norm.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

Busy Washing My Hair said:


> I’m really curious what ccpowerslave does for a living if he makes enough money for his wife to not have to work but he has enough time to do so much of the household load. I’m obviously in the wrong career field.


I am an extremely efficient person.

I live by the phrase “no wasted motion”. So I do a lot in each day that would make most people exhausted.

Right now I am not working what I would consider to be a lot, which is 10-12h each weekday and then maybe 4 hours or so on the weekend. When I was a younger man I worked many more hours but probably with a lower efficiency.

With that said, I haven’t done anything achieving world wide acclaim or awards or anything like that in many years. So artistically now I’m stagnant. I have been challenged a bit on my current project to actually have some inspiration but it’s hard to pull out of nowhere. I kind of got into a routine where I am settling into the last part of my career. I have ideas of projects I want to do when I stop working for other people and just make whatever I want but that is still 10+ years off for me.


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## FloridaGuy1 (Nov 4, 2019)

Rus47 said:


> I would think that situation would tend to produce boredom, hence search for some excitement, hence fertile ground for an affair for some excitement. “Housewives” storyline. Doing the poolboy or the lawn guy.
> 
> An idle mind is dangerous


Well, my wife has been in the situation for years and never did that. So I agree it could happen but in my situation, she is just not interested in sex so it has kept her from doing any of that.

Not really sure if that is a bad or a good thing???


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## Busy Washing My Hair (7 mo ago)

FloridaGuy1 said:


> My wife doesn't work and hasn't for several years and we are doing fine financially. The flip side of that is I get a bit resentful that as she doesn't work, I would expect her to be more available and interested in sex. i.e. she has no career worries or responsibilities so nothing like that on her mind or to stress her.
> 
> Maybe thats a bad correlation on my part but thats how I feel.


Not saying it’s right or wrong to have that expectation, but I was more interested/willing when it came to sex during the year that I didn’t have a job. I was doing something in my own on the side but it wasn’t like being employed by an outside company or working a regular 9-5 and everything that comes with it. I was a much happier and less stressed person. My husband predicted that I’d be more interested in sex if I didn’t have a job and he was right.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

FloridaGuy1 said:


> Well, my wife has been in the situation for years and never did that. So I agree it could happen but in my situation, she is just not interested in sex so it has kept her from doing any of that.
> 
> Not really sure if that is a bad or a good thing???


I think it depends a lot on the lady.

I go to the gym in the middle of the day now and as such there are a bunch of ladies in there. Some work part time and some are straight up housewives. None of them are bored because they’re all work out freaks.

Another gym I used to go to, those ladies worked out even harder and then went out drinking at lunch and in the afternoon. Those are my kind of ladies!


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

FloridaGuy1 said:


> Well, my wife has been in the situation for years and never did that. So I agree it could happen but in my situation, she is just not interested in sex so it has kept her from doing any of that.
> 
> Not really sure if that is a bad or a good thing???


Everyone is different. But boredom IMO is dangerous. I personally believe adults of both genders ought to work a job. Taking care of kids and a house with them in it is a huge job. But once the kids can care for themselves, about HS, the woman needs a job.

Of course, that opens up the risk if a workplace affair. But if someone intends climbing over the fence, they will find an excuse.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> In a good ltr M, how much does H let minor things slide when his W regularly thoroughly screws his brains out however H wants and has a couple orgasms herself, as a way to get past minor disagreements of the day?
> 
> No major griefs like cheating, eas, super serious problems but the common day to day tension builders.


I think a lot of the smaller issues become even smaller or disappear altogether with good sex.

That's from both sides though.

Mrs. C is happier and generally an all around better woman on top of easier going, when she gets regular sex.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

My wife always wanted to be financially independent. And I don't think sex has anything to do with working or being a SAHM...


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Divinely Favored said:


> Also a man having sex regularly is not resentful and irritated at the wife due to her withholding intimacy. Some thing she might do that hits a nerve is not as bad as if he is already resentful and on edge with her.
> 
> To put it in Star Trek terminology.
> 
> ...


I'm liking the Star Trek races as woman types.😁

Mrs. C is definitely a Klingon!


----------



## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Livvie said:


> My dad has always been the one to make dinner, he does the dishes, he does much of the general cleaning, ALL of the outside work, and in 60 years of marriage I will wager my mother has never even had to write a check for monthly bills.


This explains a lot about your posts. You definitely are in the men's camp and it appears attributable to your sweetheart of a Dad. Do you respect your mom?


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

In Absentia said:


> My wife always wanted to be financially independent. And I don't think sex has anything to do with working or being a SAHM...


I'm late to this thread but the conversation must have led to talking about the sex drives of SAHM's as compared to working outside the home mom's?

If I have it right, I agree with you 100%.


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Rus47 said:


> He has actual developmental challenges. We have a relative and children of friends with his problems. The medical community has no solution, it is a lifetime sentence. He is to be pitied. As are those who love him. The problems are NOT his fault! It isn't anything anyone can fix, not him or his wife or anyone. His mental condition causes him to behave as he does.


Pretty hard to be married to someone like that though.


----------



## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

ConanHub said:


> I'm late to this thread but the conversation must have led to talking about the sex drives of SAHM's as compared to working outside the home mom's?
> 
> If I have it right, I agree with you 100%.


I dont think SAHM was part of any debate. Also dont think has anything to do with sex drive. I mentioned because believe idle mind is a playground for you-know-who. 

Probably OT from the the thread anyway.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

ConanHub said:


> Pretty hard to be married to someone like that though.


For sure. But somehow they are married now. And at some level they love one another.

Our relative with same issues as her husband has had plenty of women chasing him. Thinking he is “cute”. Thankfully no marriage (yet).


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Rus47 said:


> I dont think SAHM was part of any debate. Also dont think has anything to do with sex drive. I mentioned because believe idle mind is a playground for you-know-who.
> 
> Probably OT from the the thread anyway.


Well I agree with your sentiments about idle hands.

Mrs. C and I both have a good work ethic.

When we were raising our kids, I worked lots of hours and was the sole source of income.

She stayed home and kept everything immaculate and I never lifted a finger for anything inside of the home.

She occasionally worked part time jobs or volunteered if time allowed.

After the boys left home, she came along with me on contracts and even worked as my partner for 4 years as we traveled.

She's pretty much retired now but is busy home hunting for us and will probably pick up a little work here and there to keep herself busy.

After the boys moved out, I started cooking and now do about 99% of it and she still cleans up.

I make messes and she makes them go away.

It's a good partnership.😉


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

ConanHub said:


> Well I agree with your sentiments about idle hands.
> 
> Mrs. C and I both have a good work ethic.
> 
> ...


Your and our marriage history very similar.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

ConanHub said:


> Mrs. C is definitely a Klingon!


Obsessed with honor?


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

bobert said:


> Obsessed with honor?


And sex, yes!😋

She's also not shy of physical combat.😉


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## FloridaGuy1 (Nov 4, 2019)

ccpowerslave said:


> I think it depends a lot on the lady.
> 
> I go to the gym in the middle of the day now and as such there are a bunch of ladies in there. Some work part time and some are straight up housewives. None of them are bored because they’re all work out freaks.
> 
> Another gym I used to go to, those ladies worked out even harder and then went out drinking at lunch and in the afternoon. Those are my kind of ladies!


Yeah my wife is never really bored its just I always thought since she isn't working, she could do *__*. And *_* being whatever it is that might make things better for us...whatever that might be.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

FloridaGuy1 said:


> Yeah my wife is never really bored its just I always thought since she isn't working, she could do *__*. And *_* being whatever it is that might make things better for us...whatever that might be.


She doesn't place any priority at all on improving the dynamic with you. Resentment? What IS important to her? Keeping an immaculate house? She knows you aren't going anywhere, so just lives her life to suit herself. IMO that is about how most people ( of both genders ) are. 

She doesn't realize ( or care ) that improving the dynamic would pay huge dividends in HER happiness. I am pretty sure your response would be very favorable to whatever her interests are.

I have forgotten if you are both retired yet. But if you aren't yet, things will get an order-of-magnitude worse when it is just the two of you together retired with lots of time on your hands.

Again, apologies I seem to easily travel off the track of this this thread.


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## FloridaGuy1 (Nov 4, 2019)

In Absentia said:


> My wife always wanted to be financially independent. And I don't think sex has anything to do with working or being a SAHM...


I can confirm it does not yet in many threads we see suggestions of making the wife's duties easier if she is stressed at her job or such and she will be more "interested" at home.


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## FloridaGuy1 (Nov 4, 2019)

Rus47 said:


> She doesn't place any priority at all on improving the dynamic with you. Resentment? What IS important to her? Keeping an immaculate house? She knows you aren't going anywhere, so just lives her life to suit herself. IMO that is about how most people ( of both genders ) are.
> 
> She doesn't realize ( or care ) that improving the dynamic would pay huge dividends in HER happiness. I am pretty sure your response would be very favorable to whatever her interests are.
> 
> ...


Yeah I don't want to thread jack either but just some quick answers...

Yes that is us just more or less living our lives with not much to them. She keeps an immaculate house yes. Nope, neither retired. She never will be able to as she doesn't have enough years anywhere. I will retire several years early in a few years. You may be right but things will just get worse for her as I have a TON of hobbies I cannot wait to do full time many of which have me out of the house so I will be fine. Not sure what she will do?

OK no more thread hijacks from me...sorry about that.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

bobert said:


> Obsessed with honor?


Me thinks more like takes what she wants and if you don't do it right, ya get bit! Well, probably gonna get bit either way, that is how they roll when it comes to intimacy.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Rus47 said:


> She doesn't realize ( or care ) that improving the dynamic would pay huge dividends in HER happiness.


How is it going to pay huge dividends in her happiness? She is still going to get the same dividends regardless… without having much sex with her husband. Why should she change that? She should have to do something she doesn’t like much to have the same outcome? She is happy with the status quo.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Rus47 said:


> Maybe she would enjoy a trip to the islands with @FloridaGuy1 . Or a trip to some other exotic location. Or some other activity that she greatly enjoys. I rather doubt that the be all and end all for his wife is keeping a pristine house, but who knows maybe it is. When a couple enjoys one another they enjoy doing things that makes one another happy.
> 
> If I mistreated my wife by ignoring her needs, I would be destroying my own happiness
> 
> But maybe you are 100% right and I am 100% wrong, my apologies. It is just my opinion, worth the same as yours.


I'm thinking she probably gets the trips, sex or no sex w her husband. 

Am I right?


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Hahahaha! @Rus47 ....


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

ConanHub said:


> Hahahaha! @Rus47 ....


Well, @Rus47 deleted his posts...


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

In Absentia said:


> Well, @Rus47 deleted his posts...


That's what got me laughing 😂


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