# My wife has BPD and has left again and is starting to date. What to do??



## stu2000 (Oct 4, 2012)

Hi my wife has left again and taken 2 of my 3 children. She was diagnosed with BPD a few years ago but I have always known she has had some mental health condition. We have been married for 5 years together for 11 and have had all the usual BPD traits throughout our relationship. Things are great 6 out of the 7 days and any small thing on 7th day will start a war. We do get on very well and both are still attracted to each other but she has self issue problems. Everything is my fault and says she has never felt loved which is untrue i always showed her i loved her most days. She left a month ago and was in contact most days and was saying we should work things out. She has moved to england and i am in n.ireland and we havnt seen each other in that time. For weeks she wanted to sort things out then on Sunday from out of the blue decided she NEVER wants to get back and its over. She doesnt want to get back as i cant make her happy even though the week before she left said i make her so happy. She then told me on Monday she has a date on Sunday and I should move on. 

What should i do?? I do still love her and understand that its her condition but what should i do? She has ripped our family apart and not thought of how it would affect me or our kids. Told me she wants to do stuff for herself now. 

Advice please


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## thunderstruck (May 9, 2012)

Drop everything and contact a lawyer NOW. You need to learn your rights, and how you can get your kids back.

I'm pro-marriage, and I'd feel sorry for her for having to deal with BPD, but I'd be working my exit plan...hard.


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## CH (May 18, 2010)

Let her go and start living for you and your kids. As with any illness/addiction, you cannot help them if they won't help themselves. There is only so much you can do before you have to eventually decide you have a life to live also.

Your main concern right now should be your children and your health. You can't be the knight forever if the princess keeps getting herself into trouble all the time.

Just like playing Mario Bros, in the tough stages I will literally yell FU stupid princess, not worth the frustration and stress in trying to save your sorry behind again. Let Bowser keep you, I'm done. But like alot of people, we keep picking up that controller and go at it again even though it's going to cause us nothing but pain and stress.

Sometimes you just need to let go and save yourself. The dragon does kill the knight most of the time, just to let you know.


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## stu2000 (Oct 4, 2012)

Thanks for the informative reply, i fully understand via your mario bros description nice touch. Could i just ask you quickly, its been a month now and she supposedly has a date on Sunday, should i phone and tell her in advance that i wont be taking her back after this and we will never get back again? Or leave it to when she comes back which she will?


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

Why would you wait? Let her go. Your concern should only be to protect yourself and your children from her behaviors. That's done through boundaries.


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## life.is.pain (Aug 28, 2012)

Do the same as she has done to you, LET HER GO ! 

no point in beating a dead horse.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Let her go. File for divorce, file for sole custody due to her personality disorder, and file a writ to have her forced to bring the children back to you. She cannot take them out of country without your permission. 

They are your children and you cannot abandon them to a an unstable mother.

Be a man and fight for them! 

Then when you get them back and secure, go completely dark. Don't talk to her or call her. Write her a letter and let her know she can contact you through your lawyer.


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