# Help from Women Members Requested! Ex-wife about to move back in, now wants "space"



## ConfusedInMichigan (Oct 27, 2012)

*Help from Women Members Requested! Ex-wife about to move back in, now wants "space"*

Over the past year I have been all over this board: thinking about divorce, going through divorce, reconciliation, life after divorce...I thought that my current situation fits best in this category and I am looking for input from female members:

Short Version: My ex wife left me because of my drinking. I was never violent or anything, just a dumb drunk. Her father is an alcoholic so it was just a bad combo. Other than that, we actually had a really great relationship.

Well we divorced and almost immediately began dating again. I stopped drinking. She was close to moving back in and then we went out...she told me I could drink again if I controlled it. I got stupid drunk (didn't say or do anything inappropriate, but just got really drunk). She stopped the move back in and told me it was over for ever, or maybe for a year (she read online that's how long it takes a drunk to really get sober), then she said she didn't want to talk to me at all because she didn't want me to think we could get back together EVER.

Well over the last month she would only communicate with me via text. I finally said I couldn't do that anymore because it was just too confusing. She called almost immediately. For about a week we talked often. She seemed to almost be flirting with me, sending me pictures of her, etc. I noticed that she is becoming EVERYTHING she hated: She watches sports now, never would before; she goes into the city with her friends, hated urban areas before; etc. 

Well Im not drinking now and I thought that made my head a little more clear. So, I decided to kill her with kindness. I moved heavy furniture at her apt. for her, I offered to help with other things. I was nothing but supportive. I may have texted a bit too much, but it was always happy positive stuff.

Then, she stopped responding.

She eventually texted me and said she can not talk to me anymore and that she needed space. What does this mean? The first part of the text seems pretty final, but the "need space" part throws the whole dynamic for a loop.

I am specifically looking for help from women, because I don't understand how you guys think! A lot of the guys on here tell me to run, she's crazy, and be thankful we don't have kids. The problem with that is that everytime I get to that point mentally, I remember that it was MY drinking that caused all of this. And I should point out Ive had the drinking problem my whole life, its not her fault or the marriage's fault (like so many are quick to speculate).

Ladies (and experienced gentlemen): what is she thinking AND whats my best route to get her back?


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## Sbrown (Jul 29, 2012)

*Re: Help from Women Members Requested! Ex-wife about to move back in, now wants "spac*

"Space" means she has another prospect to replace you. Move on. Improve yourself. Not much else you can do.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ConfusedInMichigan (Oct 27, 2012)

Sbrown said:


> "Space" means she has another prospect to replace you. Move on. Improve yourself. Not much else you can do.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Well when she left me before our divorce everyone i know told me that. Without getting into details i can tell you with 100% certainty there was no one else. So how do you know thats the case now?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ConfusedInMichigan (Oct 27, 2012)

*Re: Help from Women Members Requested! Ex-wife about to move back in, now wants "spac*



2ntnuf said:


> Honest to goodness, I don't know why you would want her back. You told her you would not drink and then you went back on your word. How could she trust you? Don't you see that was a test? You had the chance to chuckle and say, "Thanks, but no thanks. I'll have a sweet tea."
> 
> My suggestion without reading any other posts is, go to AA. Get the book "Boundaries", by Henry Cloud and John Townsend. Work on yourself, then think about dating someone else. She doesn't trust you and trust is essential in a relationship.


Makes perfect sense...sucks that I am such a dumbass


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

*Re: Help from Women Members Requested! Ex-wife about to move back in, now wants "spac*

First off, good job on controlling your drinking. It will be a GIANT step to forming the new you!

And, on a darker note, I've said it once, and I'll say it again: "I need space" is womanese for "I've met someone."


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## ConfusedInMichigan (Oct 27, 2012)

*Re: Help from Women Members Requested! Ex-wife about to move back in, now wants "spac*

I plan on not trying to contact her, but I will be friendly if I hear from her. I have several friends that absolutely hate their ex's. They give me grief because I am still nice to mine. They were cheated on, I wasn't. Its a much different situation when infidelity is not involved.

I will take your words to heart. Not much else I can do.


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## ConfusedInMichigan (Oct 27, 2012)

*Re: Help from Women Members Requested! Ex-wife about to move back in, now wants "spac*



F-102 said:


> First off, good job on controlling your drinking. It will be a GIANT step to forming the new you!
> 
> And, on a darker note, I've said it once, and I'll say it again: "I need space" is womanese for "I've met someone."


Again, I may be just a fool, but I honestly think she is just very wounded. She doesn't have a great support system. I heard the "I need space" when she left before we were divorced (and actually one other short period when we were back together) and all I am comfortable posting here is that I am 100% sure she was uninvolved. Research was thoroughly conducted.


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## ConfusedInMichigan (Oct 27, 2012)

*Re: Help from Women Members Requested! Ex-wife about to move back in, now wants "spac*

Does it make me crazy or a complete *ussy because I could honestly handle it if "i need space" means she is dating? The reason being that I have taken complete ownership of this breakup. I am not a wounded soul that was cheated on. Im a douche that drove away a great girl that may (but probably may not) be out there looking to fill avoid.

Maybe it just helps me sleep at night!


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

*Re: Help from Women Members Requested! Ex-wife about to move back in, now wants "spac*



ConfusedInMichigan said:


> Does it make me crazy or a complete *ussy because I could honestly handle it if "i need space" means she is dating? The reason being that I have taken complete ownership of this breakup. I am not a wounded soul that was cheated on. Im a douche that drove away a great girl that may (but probably may not) be out there looking to fill avoid.
> 
> Maybe it just helps me sleep at night!


I think what the others are trying to tell you is that she " need's space " means that she may have options besides living with and loving you.

It doesn't necessarily have to be another man or woman, but she doesn't see you as high priority in her life right now.

What you can do is continue improving yourself and maybe examine your
" options " too.
And yes, that could include dating other women.


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## ConfusedInMichigan (Oct 27, 2012)

*Re: Help from Women Members Requested! Ex-wife about to move back in, now wants "spac*



Caribbean Man said:


> I think what the others are trying to tell you is that she " need's space " means that she may have options besides living with and loving you.
> 
> It doesn't necessarily have to be another man or woman, but she doesn't see you as high priority in her life right now.
> 
> ...


thanks for the words.


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