# Scared of the same future?



## needguidance (Aug 17, 2012)

I decided to work things out with my wife. We had been separated for a few months due to my line of work and we split up not long after I got to my destination. We had only been married almost a year when we decided divorce was the best approach. Things were fine we were split, it was like we became better friends again though we didn't discuss our love lives. One day I decided to ask her about it and we put everything on the table about what we both had done since the split. I told her I dated and was intimate with you a few women and she said she did the same with men. What got me was the number of guys in the timeframe we had been split and one was her ex.

Now to give you all a back story of how we came to and where we ended up. We dated for half a year before she got pregnant with our child we have together. Between that time things were pretty rocky but we came together again right when our child was born. Not long after that I had to go out of state for my job for a while. When I got back I decided not to be with my wife who was my GF at the time so I moved out as soon as I got back in town. This really effected her to the point we were in and out of a relationship. Mean I was living on my own dating but occasionally her and I would go out or share intimacy still like we were still a couple. I ended up moving back in a year later but things were still kind of rocky. We always had a great sex and I loved that she was consistent. I noticed she wasn't the same about 2-3 months after I got back when I was living on my own. I started dating someone that she found out about and things were never the same after that day.

When I moved I got in a little trouble. She went through my phone one day after a text message came through from a woman I use to date but we were still in contact. Then I had a ton of pics in my phone that I never deleted that female friends were still sending me. Anyway, all hell broke lose but we managed to pull things together. Then it came to we got married but I was still living the same wild lifestyle I had left. I was still going out all the time, sometimes I wouldn't come home, I was a chronic online dater and on top of that I was working my another job which meant I wasn't making time for her or our family. It was all around bad I started to realize that I was just so far gone. She would complain that she was lonely and she wanted to spend time with me but I was so blind. It got to a point that weren't having much sex at all. Mind I went from living on my own having sex 7-14 times a week to maybe once every other weekend. It was real dilemma I couldn't get past. I ended up having an affair and she found out about it. I tried to change but I was just too far gone. 

One day I came home while she was gone and her computer was running. I saw that her email was still up so I figured I would snoop. The only reason I even wondered was because after a while after the affair she just started spending a lot of time on her phone and/or Facebook. I go through it and I find a sent email from her the day before sent to a guy which I found out later to be her ex. She sent him a pic of her breast. I was furious and I left it up til she got back home. She didn't have much to say, it was like a burglar being caught red handed in the act. Not long after that I ended up moving because of my job and that leads to the first paragraph.

So I said all that to say this, we had a long discussion about what was going on in each others lives. One of the guys she was seeing was the same ex she sent the dirty email too. At that time he was working somewhere else in the country and then moved to where were living eventually. Now when we got into initially about the pic I told her how things would go down. He'd message her, end up out there and eventually they would rekindle a sexual relationship, I WAS DEAD ON 100%. What still bothers me is I wonder had things went the same way if I stayed with her and tried to work on things while we lived in different states..... She also mentioned she had a 3some with a guy she use to date and his wife which really bothered me because as long as Ive known her she refused to even consider that idea with me even after we got married. After we had that serious discussion my whole mindset change, I realized that she is the woman I want to be with. She really is a great woman and a great mother. I guess with me being young and blinded by my own selfishness I couldn't appreciate her. To see her talk about other guys she was dating and how they treated I told myself that I needed to make a change and I didn't want to lose my family.

Where we stand now is that we are working things out and she decided to embark on my latest adventure which is taking our family out of the country for the next odd number of years. What confuses me and scares me is where things will go. We have been going through working things out for about a month now. I am in love with her again I am doing everything to prove to her that I am here 100%, no cheating, to the fullest us. The part that scares me is that we have broke in the past here and there but we always reconnect sexually after we come together again. Mind you the time we've had away this time is the longest we had ever been separated physically. She's saying now that she wants to take things slow, no sex, not even mention anything sexual and learn each other all over again. I have no problem with #1 and #4 but I can't even make a sexual joke without her complaining about. Im stuck between a rock and a hard. Im terrified that us taking things too slow may hurt us in the long run. Im terrified that she may stray back to the sexless road again even if I do everything right. I feel like her keeping in touch with her ex when was prior to her sending that pic took away from us really managing things between us because she was giving him energy and not us. I know I don't have room to talk after what I have done but Im taking every necessary measure this time to make things right, I just don't understand why its this slow even though she said when she was dating she was having sex everyday!


----------



## needguidance (Aug 17, 2012)

_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## needguidance (Aug 17, 2012)

Update: so I came out to visit for a week again (2 weeks since my last visit). Things have been fine so far but this uphill battle is starting to consume me. I want my wife so bad but it seems like this is childs play for her waiting this out. We had a day with her, my son and myself. I'm just really struggling with the fact that we can kiss each other, lay in the same bed because this is where I am staying while I'm in town and not do anything. I know a marriage shouldn't be built on sex and I don't want her to think I look at her as just a sexual object. We do have a lot of substance in our relationship besides sex but that's what really connected us and kept us connected in the first place. I feel like a knight sent to fight in a war with just a shield, I need a sword! Its still killing me inside that she was like a sexual monster during our separation but now she is practicing celibacy because she wants things to be right between us since we are starting over? What's up with that?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------

