# Problems with no contact (hope its in right place)



## troysdad1 (Nov 17, 2013)

Hi everyone looking for some advice as are many others so I really do appreciate any help with my matter.

My ex and I technically broke up last October but were still living together due to financial circumstances and the fact we have a son together. She moved to Scotland in January of this year and has been there 3 weeks now. We were still in contact everyday with each other however some days it felt like we were talking as friends and other days she would ring just to have a pop at me or when she had a problem with something very simple in her house.
Yesterday after another of these phone calls where all she did was put me down I decided enough was enough and have initiated no contact except for speaking to my son or if it regards my son.

So not even 24hrs on and she has tried to ring 3 times already claiming it is important but nothing to do with my son. So i politely text her and say if its not to do with Troy (my son) then just text me. So she texts me and surprise surprise its not so important that she needed to ring me. 

Anyways i text her the information she required and 10 minutes later my phone rings again, i again say to her to text and as a response i get this and i quote "Your being pathetic now, good job I have troy you would never let me see him i cant put it in text i need to ring" 


We were together for 11 years and I know she has moved to Scotland and she has no family there and has only just made her own couple of friends, I was being told all the time how I am having the best time without my son because i can do what i like and go out when i like etc etc.

Could anyone please offer me some advice on what to do in this situation.

Many thanks for taking the time to read this.


----------



## Stretch (Dec 12, 2012)

It's hard as hell but I think you should redouble your efforts for no contact.

Business only, your son and your divorce. Remember, that's what she wanted right?

There's a reason so many here support the 180 and no contact, because it worked for them.

Good luck,
Stretch


----------



## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Stop answering calls from her, and let your voicemail do it's work. Let her get pissed off about your lack of response; who cares? Don't jump to respond in 10 minutes. Respond the next day. 

People survived countless centuries without being available 24/7. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## troysdad1 (Nov 17, 2013)

I have not answered her calls I have let it ring out and then text her. I just worry that she will not leave me alone and it seems as though is only been 1 day and she is finding excuses to contact me. I want to allow at least 30 days of no contact but it seems that is going to be impossible. For 11 years I have been her only support financially and emotionally. She has not worked the whole time we have been together and the only friends she has had have been mine with the exception of one that she had before we got together.

Obviously I still have feelings for her at this stage but I need time to know how I really feel. Is there any other way to do this where I can contact my son and avoid her or am I going to have to deal with her as well.


----------



## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

How old is your son?

Again, don't jump as soon as she rings. Not to answer the phone, and not even to text back. Work on pushing your response time back longer and longer. 

And read up on the 180. It's a "continual process" thing... If you fall off the wagon, then get back on and start over. But you can't expect her to work with you on this. This is all on you. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## C3156 (Jun 13, 2012)

PBear said:


> And read up on the 180. It's a "continual process" thing... If you fall off the wagon, then get back on and start over. But you can't expect her to work with you on this. This is all on you.


This exactly. It takes time to establish the boundaries and for her to acknowledge them. She will not like it, but if you are consistent, eventually she will come around. As mentioned above, if it is important or about your son, get back within a reasonable amount of time. If it is not, then get back whenever or not at all.

My only question is why do you not have time with your son?


----------



## troysdad1 (Nov 17, 2013)

My son is 8 years old, I don't have time with him as he now lives 540 miles away and its not so easy to see him, I will not be seeing him until april as I have no holidays at work to take. It might help you all to know that one of the main reasons I want this 'no contact' period is in the hope that later on we can work things out, but we need this time yo see how we feel etc and that won't work if we are in contact. I speak to my son every morning before school, every afternoon after school and we skype at bedtime so its not so bad.


----------



## troysdad1 (Nov 17, 2013)

C3156 said:


> This exactly. It takes time to establish the boundaries and for her to acknowledge them. She will not like it, but if you are consistent, eventually she will come around. As mentioned above, if it is important or about your son, get back within a reasonable amount of time. If it is not, then get back whenever or not at all.
> 
> My only question is why do you not have time with your son?


Earlier when she attempted to call was because she needed to know if it was ok to use her contract phone to phone an 0345 number, since when is that important to ask me, yeah ok until the contract runs out i am paying for it but she never asks at all, and according to billing info online she has rang other such numbers already before the no contact period started. Was this just an excuse to contact me?


----------



## Sandfly (Dec 8, 2013)

troysdad1 said:


> Anyways i text her the information she required and 10 minutes later my phone rings again, i again say to her to text and as a response i get this and i quote "Your being pathetic now, good job I have troy you would never let me see him i cant put it in text i need to ring".


This is an admission that whatever she has to say, a third party would take a very dim view of it.

Therefore it will be an insult, a threat, an attempt to provoke you into violence/making some other kind of mistake.

From now on, you should do all your communication with her in a recorded medium, because she is clearly picturing a time in the future where she will need to look like an angel and cast you as the devil, she is definitely plotting.

Keep the text message you received where she says she can't say what she has to say in text, because any rational person would suspect and ask themselves: why not?

Look out for attempts to get custody, and by extension, alimony. She needs you to look worse than her to succeed. BTW Scotland may have a different law, so look out for that too.


----------



## IronWine29 (Dec 31, 2013)

It does sound like she's looking for excuses to contact you, like she needs your emotional support and to have a punching bag. Cut off the emotional support -- she's the one who moved, she'll have to figure it out. Don't take abuse from her. Period.


----------



## troysdad1 (Nov 17, 2013)

Its been going a bit better the last couple of days, she has not contacted me, however when i text my son it tends to be her that responds and also when i speak with him on the phone its always on speaker her end so she can hear me and i her. I might get my son a cheap little phone that I can contact him on.


----------

