# Mama's June update...



## Mamatomany (Jan 10, 2012)

Well, it's been about a month since I have been on here! Sorry, I know my daughter/co-parent felt I was online too much so I stayed away but I was also looking for other things ... so many decisions have been thrown at me. I have looked for answers from all sorts of people and places. 

1) I filed in May. It was officially filed June 1. Stbx has waived getting served and I am going to listen to my lawyer. He says it will be uncontested but has pulled some financial crap that has just thrown me into the crazies. The crazies sneak up on me when I least expect it and I try not to medicate, but have realized that I need it sometimes for my own protection/sanity. 

2) Did I mention the fact he pays me 'child support' but I am still having to pay our bills= including his, leaving me in the negative?

3) I have asked him 2x since I have been off if he really wanted to go through w/ the divorce and once I even declared my love for him. I have since not seen him and refuse to. He has made accusations w/o claiming any thing he ever did to ruin the marriage. Someone smack the heck out of me!

4) I have enjoyed being a single woman and the men are assuring me that when I am ready that I won't have any problems finding someone who will take me and my 'baggage' (ie kids). 

5) My realtor wants me to list the house last month and sell it as is as an investment property (flip house)
Other hand some of my new male friends (and my best gf) think I should keep it for a while and not make rash decisions but there's so much work and I am 5'4 and not that skilled ... determined but some of the work is more than I feel I can do/afford. 

6) My 8yos behavior is becoming more emotional. School will be starting soon and my new set of problems (after school care etc) will begin. 

7) Good news... as a teacher my daughter will hopefully almost get a free ride to university because I am going to be broke according to the govt and I may even be able to apply for other benefits  This truly breaks my heart.

8) I went on a vacation(to my mom's) and will be spending a couple of weeks there along with my 26th wedding anniversary, before returning home. 

I know there's more but I'll start here.
I truly have missed you all. I have kept in touch with a few of you by phone and fb, but I have missed the rest of you.

Give me strength... this kind of vacation offers a lot of stress too, family stuff you know. I broke down the other night thinking that they all looked at me like a failure. I know they don't and they want what's best for me and my kids but my pride gets in the way of their loving me sometimes.


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Sounds like you are actually doing pretty well. Keep posting!


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## MyselfAgain (Apr 21, 2012)

We love and miss you, Mama! I am glad to hear that you are spending time with family and doing your best to be resourceful. My stbxh has left his bills and credit problems in his wake, and this in itself is enough to make me realize that its beyond over -- what use is there is loving a man who doesn't love me -- and cares so little that he dumps all of his problems on me? You will definitely be able to find better!!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Lifescript (Mar 12, 2012)

Mama,

I was wondering about you. Glad to see you're doing ok. Keep us posted. Don't dissapear on us again. HUGS!


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## Traggy (Jan 26, 2012)

I was just thinking about where the heck you have been mama!


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## synthetic (Jan 5, 2012)

yayyyy, mama's here!


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Mama is back where she belongs.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mamatomany (Jan 10, 2012)

Lifescript said:


> Mama,
> 
> I was wondering about you. Glad to see you're doing ok. Keep us posted. Don't dissapear on us again. HUGS!


I won't disappear again. I think if I would have been on here more regularly I wouldn't have backslid so much. 180 and hard and doing it so I can move on so I will be a healthy, loving person and not a wreck he makes me.


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## Mamatomany (Jan 10, 2012)

Traggy said:


> I was just thinking about where the heck you have been mama!


Dude, I am in MO, but in KC 
I tried to get Proud to drive down here for a hook up, but he wouldn't I was even willing to drive to STL. lol Then three of us could have met.


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## Traggy (Jan 26, 2012)

Anytime Mama, Anytime!


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## daisygirl 41 (Aug 5, 2011)

Woo Hoo
Mamas back!!
We've missed you. Sounds like you are doing ok honey.
Glad you're back
Xxxxx
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mamatomany (Jan 10, 2012)

daisygirl 41 said:


> Woo Hoo
> Mamas back!!
> We've missed you. Sounds like you are doing ok honey.
> Glad you're back
> ...


I am doing okay. A couple of weeks ago I would have said great. A couple of backslides convinced me that I wasn't where I thought I was. I have a couple of really great friends that have been very helpful  with things and finding my new dreams and possibilites etc.

People keep telling me to be single and find myself for a while. I have a real problem with that advice. I haven't lost myself... well not really. I have been by myself for 7 months and maybe even longer if we consider the marriage was going down as of Aug 2010. I guess what I am discovering is what I want from life. I can listen to music that I wouldn't have if we were still married. Watching tv shows/movies that I wouldn't be. Going to new places etc. But that's not finding myself that's just changing my likes because I can now do what I want (sometimes). If I can't go out with my new friends and just continue on with my professional life and being a mama to many than when do I FIND myself? 
Why do people think I have lost myself?
I am a strong person/personality. I am not a weak woman. I know who I am ... I do know my future is questionable because my dreams have now been altered. But I think when and if I enter into a long-term relationship things will need to change again. Why should I wait?


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## Mamatomany (Jan 10, 2012)

Of course it doesn't help when my 5 yr old insists that "Daddy still loves you mama he told me so last night" and I have to correct him that daddy loves them but not Mommy. I don't know if that's right or wrong. But I need him to understand that we are getting 'de-married' as my 8 yr old puts it.


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## unsure78 (Oct 17, 2011)

glad to see you back mama!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## OutOfTheBlue (Nov 4, 2011)

Hey girl, glad you're back - you had us worried - don't do it again


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## cantmove (Feb 20, 2012)

Mama I'm so glad you're back. I was worried about you. I'm sorry things aren't great but you still sound good to me. Don't leave us again please.


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## Mamatomany (Jan 10, 2012)

On a lighter side... I am enjoying getting out and meeting new people. Dating is exciting and a little scary... but mostly a heck of a lot of fun. I have one fella who is just awesome and a few others that I wouldn't mind getting to know more too. 

I am living so much like a crazy teenage girl and loving most of it. (I teach them I know!)


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Mamatomany said:


> On a lighter side... I am enjoying getting out and meeting new people. Dating is exciting and a little scary... but mostly a heck of a lot of fun. I have one fella who is just awesome and a few others that I wouldn't mind getting to know more too.
> 
> I am living so much like a crazy teenage girl and loving most of it. (I teach them I know!)


I'd like to be a mouse in your purse, to see all the naughty things you have been up to!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mamatomany (Jan 10, 2012)

bandit.45 said:


> I'd like to be a mouse in your purse, to see all the naughty things you have been up to!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Oh sweety it's been a lot as I am sure you have guessed!! Though I have asked for no cameras to be used right now  Once I am officially divorced in AUG - cameras will be allowed


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Mamatomany said:


> Oh sweety it's been a lot as I am sure you have guessed!! Though I have asked for no cameras to be used right now  Once I am officially divorced in AUG - cameras will be allowed


Vixen!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mamatomany (Jan 10, 2012)

I haven't been called that yet... but I will take it.


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## Mamatomany (Jan 10, 2012)

So... I was talking to my mom while she was chopping vegetables. She offered me words of wisdom as a divorced and widowed woman. She told me not to re-marry in the same month as my first marriage. Then I find out that she was married within a few days that the state allowed her to marry. Like she had to wait 30 or 60 days to remarry after her divorce and it was day 31 or 61! She said "besides you aren't in a rush to re-marry anyway are you?"

I looked at her with a serious expression and told her, "Mom, I am. I am pregnant."

She looked at me for a second or two. I cracked up. I was laughing so hard I almost peed myself as I LMAO'd





Y'all I had a hysterectomy this spring (I found out the day he never came home that I needed one) and she knew this. I seriously am still laughing.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

That was mean. Apologize to her!


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## Mamatomany (Jan 10, 2012)

Nope it was too funny!! Still giggling!


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## Mamatomany (Jan 10, 2012)

So far soo good! Today is my 26th wedding anniversary.

I spent it with my kids and preparing to head back to my house (down South) after visiting family (in my home state). I must say it's not over yet but I feel pretty much indifferent (so far). 

I did visit my stbxh aunt/uncle today (it was the day we could all see each other and we have stayed in contact through this mess). 
I am ready to go home and spent some quality time and the rest of my summer w/ my friends and working on the divorce. My next lawyer meeting is July10th.
yay me


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## MyselfAgain (Apr 21, 2012)

Yay mama!!!!! Proud of you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

I have a vision of you in a '58 Cadillac convertable speeding down a deserted Texas highway... the wind blowing in your hair... lookin' beautiful....radio blasting....driving towards your destiny.


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## Mamatomany (Jan 10, 2012)

Happy dancing!!
I did it! No trigggers, it was just another day! 

I am leaving my mom's house today after spending two weeks with family and friends (some I hadn't seen in 20yrs) and I am taking a beautiful woman back home with me (some of you should be jealous  ) to spend a wk in TX hoping to enjoy our single-selves! 

Maybe next time I can meet some of my TAM friends when I am back in the Midwest 

Meeting with the lawyer on Tuesday to draw up the agreement or to read what she has drawn up ... something to that effect. I can't wait!!


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## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

You sound so confident, happy and full of life!!!

Good for you!!!


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Have a safe trip Mama.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## cantmove (Feb 20, 2012)

How are you Mama?


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