# Daughter flailing on the floor because of husband.



## howdoicope67 (Nov 26, 2015)

my daughter is fighting with my husband.

My daughter is 6. My new husband has 4 kids of his own. 

Today we only had my daughter… and she knew that I was arguing with my husband. I had tried to surpise him with a trip and he got upset and demanded I cancel it. It was a trip we were taking as a family for the Christmas holiday. 
He said we didn’t have enough money even though he had booked a trip for 3 times the amount…for next week.

Anyway, my husband was talking down to me telling me that I made a huge mistake and that I have caused a “disaster”. It’s just his inflamatory talk.

My daughter knew about this trip I planned and she was very excited. He told her ally about it. She was not happy I canceled. And she told my husband that she was sad. He immediately said that it was “too bad” and that no longer would we be taking ANY trips. He said “see what your mother has done?”

I immediately took her for a walk and explained that this shouldn’t have anything to do with her and that everything was fine. We just needed to save money. She told me she hates my husband. She asked me not to fight with him.

I said you are right. When we walked back in…I didn’t engage. When I didn’t respond, he said why won’t you speak. I said __ has a good point. (she was listening) We should not fight. He said …oh, so a 6 year old is going to tell me what to do now?? In my house? I think not.

I said, yes, a 6 year old is right. We should not be fighting..especially in front of her. 

He immediately got angry and talked about how I was a disaster and we were causing so many problems.

The truth is I was trying to surprise him with a trip (and daughter this weekend) and I spent 1k. HE wanted to do HIS trip for NYE’s and it was 7k. I had been against spending that much…

So he freaked out on me for “surprising him” with a trip that was only 1k. He said I was a spend thrift…I was irresponsible and can’t be trusted. I said I WAS JUST TRYING to DO SOMething NICE!

So my daughter now is mouthy with him…because he told her that there would be NO trips …(that he had already told her how much she would love….) He said “no more…" to her antagonistically. I told him that does to help. He said “I don’t care..I want peace in my house and some 6 year old isn’t going to tell me how to act.

He told me that I am the problem. I’m enabling a 6 year old and allowing problems. I didn’t allow her to disrespect him…but I certainly was upset that he was provoking a child and deciding to fight in front of her…..despite my wishes.

She is now laying on the floor in front of him. Locking herself in bathrooms…she’s a mess. I feel for her…..and I don’t know what to do. Am I wrong for thinking that the child is actually right, here??


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

howdoicope67 said:


> Am I wrong for thinking that the child is actually right, here??


Wait, which one is the child in this story? I'm confused.....

Sent from my SM-G920V using Tapatalk


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## howdoicope67 (Nov 26, 2015)

I know. But it's a major issue. He says I let the child rule. But I disagree. I feel he is abusive. He told her the other day that she was acting stupid. I interjected and said no! You can't say that. He said well she shouldn't act stupid then. She started crying and it's been ugly ever since.


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## sixty-eight (Oct 2, 2015)

How long have you been married?

How is he with the other children? Is he the custodial parent of the other 4? How old are they?


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## howdoicope67 (Nov 26, 2015)

He's not great with his other kids. We've been married for about a year.

He is not the custodial parent. In fact, he sees them about once every 2 2 weeks...these days.

My daughter is with me constantly and he sees her as a threat. He says it's like you have a club ..that i'm not part of. But, it's usually her pulling me aside telling me that she's angry with him for something he's said to me....or her.

He also HATES my ex and while he doesn't trash him to her...he likes to flaunt what he has and say ....Does your dad have __ car, like me?

My ex hates him because he threatened him.




sixty-eight said:


> How long have you been married?
> 
> How is he with the other children? Is he the custodial parent of the other 4? How old are they?


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

howdoicope67 said:


> He's not great with his other kids. We've been married for about a year.
> 
> He is not the custodial parent. In fact, he sees them about once every 2 2 weeks...these days.
> 
> ...


Please divorce. How can you stand to hear him being so unkind to your little girl?


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

From the little bit you've posted it seems the right answer might be somewhere in the middle.

I have many kids and tell them when they're acting stupid. They are crazy about me. My wife and I try to be together in our parenting, but we are very very different. I am blunt and she is nurturing. We complement each other.

My wife does coddle the kids way too much but that is her problem when the come to her for every little detail. "Mom where's my shoes?" Well how about looking first - oh right in front of you?

All minor things and they're amazing kids - smart, capable, athletic, musical... And a bit dependent. But that's ok.

Being blunt I'd say your H is acting like a spoiled douchbag. He needs to learn to deal with kids. But I also would not acquiesce to a 6 year old and would not accept her dividing my wife from me. You should NOT allow her to manipulate you and get a different parental answer from you or have secrets from H. That is unhealthy.

You guys should see family counseling of some sort for blended families - I'm sure this is very common.

You and H should also see a counselor about making joint money decisions and get on the same page regarding financial and spending matters. That is a hugely decisive issue so get some marital finance help / questionnaires / etc to figure out how to align your value systems.

Good luck


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

Oh and H taking down the ex - that should be unacceptable - ex is the kids dad and he is way overstepping here.

Please tell me this relationship started AFTER you divorced? Because it kind of sounds like this is not the case?


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## AVR1962 (May 30, 2012)

Don't let your husband bring your daughter into this, this is between you husband and daughter should no feel the war between you....it is not healthy!


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

AVR1962 said:


> Don't let your husband bring your daughter into this, this is between you husband and daughter should no feel the war between you....it is not healthy!


My read is that OP kept the daughter in this as much as H brought D into it. H was angry - we don't even know who brings in the $$$ here and who is spending what so I'll suspend judgement as to whether or not it was warranted - so OP should have knelt down and told D "daddy and I need to talk about something important that is grownup talk so go play in the other room while we talk" then had the discussion.


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## howdoicope67 (Nov 26, 2015)

It is all very damaging. My husband is the king of gas lighting as I've learned. He does it non stop. 

I bring in equal amount of money to answer your question and I don't understand why I need to ask permission to surprise him and my daughter... When I know the money is avail to spend. Just the day before, he was trying to buy 3k of outdoor xmas lights. 

The prob for him is that HE didn't plan it. He needs to control everything. 

The problem is what I'm witnessing in my daughter. She is hateful to him and he throws right back. 

Tonight at dinner she said she wanted xyz for her bday to race her friends. He said he would spend double the amount just to beat her on her bday. 

It's a consistent theme. He gets angry and lashes out at me/her


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

howdoicope67 said:


> It is all very damaging. My husband is the king of gas lighting as I've learned. He does it non stop.
> 
> I bring in equal amount of money to answer your question and I don't understand why I need to ask permission to surprise him and my daughter... When I know the money is avail to spend. Just the day before, he was trying to buy 3k of outdoor xmas lights.
> 
> ...


Well your attitude toward him sucks - he may be a complete jerk - I don't know. But you aren't seeking to work anything out with the way you are wording your comments - you are seeking validation for your opinions.

If you want to ask "how can we work this out?" Or "can anyone offer advice on working out money issues" or "who was had experience getting a new spouse to build a better relationship with your kids" or any of a million other questions then people here can try to help. 

Otherwise you just sound pissed off and like you've already made up your mind.

I'm not judging your reasons or motivations or thoughts - just observing that you don't seem to want to get any marital help. I suppose I could have missed something?


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## sapientia (Nov 24, 2012)

Is your post a joke? He called your daughter stupid and you allowed this?

Let me guess: he's the money and you don't have much without him.

Grow a backbone and divorce this ass. Get a job if you need to. It will only get worse from here.


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

sapientia said:


> Is your post a joke? He called your daughter stupid and you allowed this?
> 
> Let me guess: he's the money and you don't have much without him.
> 
> Grow a backbone and divorce this ass. Get a job if you need to. It will only get worse from here.


She makes the same amount. Maybe he's the AP and the shine is off?


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## Cara (Aug 15, 2010)

You have put your daughter into a very bad situation. Marrying him, with the level of maturity the two of you have shown was a giant mistake. 

Divorce and do what is right for your child.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Weirdo... this is getting very tiresome.

A new user name again. .. 2 user names in 2 days?

TAM has offered you support. I've offered to have you create one account and stick with it. I've asked you to PM me to deal with this...

But after some 39+ accounts, well it's not funny.

Your life is screwed up because you play victim. We keep telling you that your fiancé is a dangerous, controlling man and you need to leave.

But you continually subject your son and let him be abused.

Since you will not follow forum rules and you will not PM me to set up ONE and only one account... you are being banned again.

We cannot help someone who cannot follow the rules and be honest with us.


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

Wow I guess I'm gullible


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

howdoicope67 said:


> ...............that I was arguing with my husband. *I had tried to surpise him with a trip and he got upset and demanded I cancel it. It was a trip we were taking as a family for the Christmas holiday.
> He said we didn’t have enough money even though he had booked a trip for 3 times the amount…for next week.
> *
> Anyway, my husband was talking down to me telling me that I made a huge mistake and that I have caused a “disaster”. It’s just his inflamatory talk.
> ...


Your story is all over the place like a hairy animal wandering aimlessly under a bridge.


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## xosherryrenee (Oct 24, 2015)

Leave him. He sounds abusive and childish. With billions of men in the world you don't need to put up with one that treats you and your daughter like this.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

howdoicope67 said:


> She is now laying on the floor in front of him. Locking herself in bathrooms…she’s a mess. I feel for her…..*and I don’t know what to do*. Am I wrong for thinking that the child is actually right, here??


What to do? Put your daughter first. Be the adult your daughter needs and learn to live without a man so she can grow up to know she isn't disposable.


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## synthetic (Jan 5, 2012)

I think you should have twins or even triplets with your husband. Life will be wonderful after that.


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## Pam (Oct 7, 2010)

So, sometimes the OP has a son, and sometimes a daughter?

Somebody needs help.


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

Blended families is a tough undertaking. Most men are not up to it. Sounds like your husband barely tolerates your daughter just to be with you. That's why it's so important for woman to vet a man before introducing them to their kids and it's equally important for a man to do the same to make sure he's up to the task of being a parent to a kid that's not his.

It doesn't appear that was done. 2 people not taking this into account and now you have misery and a possible 2nd divorce for both of you.


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## CarlaRose (Jul 6, 2014)

howdoicope67 said:


> He's not great with his other kids. We've been married for about a year.
> 
> He is not the custodial parent. In fact, he sees them about once every 2 2 weeks...these days.
> 
> ...


The problem is neither the little child nor the big child. The problem is you for not getting your little girl away from that stupid jerk.


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