# should i worry about her feelings for someone else



## lmh11706 (Sep 22, 2008)

married 15 yrs-2 children 13 boy, 8 girl-love my wife deeply-she is my life and never wanted to hurt her.im 48 shes 48-we are not in high school although sometimes i feel like it

my actions of cyber cheating once 6 yrs ago which she forgave me for and then again in july 07 and i was forgiven again-sort of-caused this-explicit sexual emails about wants and desires with other people-but i never intended to meet anyone-which really doesnt matter
and then i lied about continuing with therapy in feb 08 and she found out.

well we continued our marriage but i noticed a change in her-she wasnt as affectionate or loving towards me although we were having sex

i pushed her away-my actions caused her not to trust me anymore
she fell out of love with me-thinking that i wanted these other people-and when i touch her now she is not ready because her mind does flashbacks of the things i wrote

she told me she loves me but is not in love with me -she lost the passion for me-very hard for her to be loving and affectionate-never wants to kiss-all because of what i did over the last 6 yrs

ever since we met my wife and i have fun by going out dancing to a couple of clubs by us almost every week-
starting in may-june of 08 she started going out with the girls almost as much as me-things were ok so i didnt care

now the problem with what i did with the computer and the lack of trust my wife has in me leaves me in a position where if she found anything questionable-even if i didnt do anything-she would think i did it-and that happened in late june of 08 when she found porn on the computer that her brother viewed[he was staying with us that weekend]-gay porn by the way because he is-and of course she thought it was me

she went another month without saying anything and made like things were ok with us but i knew something was up

then on july 18 08 we had a argument about her going out with the girls again and she went off saying how she thought i looked at the porn and it brought back everything i did in the past and she said we were done and wanted to be separated

she didnt want a divorce-she just wanted to do her own thing with her friends while we lived in the same house-for the kids.

she began going out every sat nite without me-and to the same place-we use to go to-because over time we developed friends there from going all the time

well about 6 weeks after this all began in early september i found emails that she wrote her close girlfriends that she wasnt in love with me anymore and that she was in love with somebody else and it was a man that we both knew at the club who she talked with about her situation and he was there for her and told her nice things and he had a great personality[who doesnt at the club on sat nite]and was her shoulder to cry on-he is also separated living in the same house with his wife for years but he has a daughter and doesnt want to lose his home so he stays in the situation.

she broke it off we me on july 18-and on august 16th she gave him a card and a pic of her telling him she was falling in love or is in love with him.she wrote her girlfriends that she thought they were soulmates and that he was a male her-just like her---all the things she said about me at one point.

she was honest with me about it and she even asked him if he wanted to hang out sometime and that night when they left the club and went outside she kissed him and in her email she said it felt amazing

for a number of weeks i found out they were texting each other every few days

but when he found out she wanted more than friendship he backed off-he didnt want a girlfriend right now-and my wife even said that when she kissed him he backed away-he is married and so is she-to me-[plus what did my wife want to happen-hes married-shes married-was she going to have an affair-were they going to run away together-we have kids-he has one]
he just wanted friendship
but i know for a while my wife kept trying but he wasnt interested-a blessing in disguise i guess

she wrote additional emails to her friends which i found saying it was so hard to forget him and she really seemed upset that he didnt return her feelings

she kept telling me there was nothing there and that she felt that way because he was there-and not to belive everything i read-she said it was a good thing nothing happened because if something did it wouldnt be good
but should i believe what she told me or what she privately told her best girlfriends who knew all about it before i did.

he then found out i knew about it on sept 21 and has not been to the club or had contact with her since-although i went there alone 3 weeks ago and my wife asked me if he was there.we went there together as a couple last saturday and her girlfriend the next day asked her if he was there-he wasnt
we have reconciled-but she isnt in love with me-i know it and sex isnt back yet-even though shes going to give it a try with me again

i feel as though she broke it off with me in july partly because of what i did but also because she wasnt in love with me and thought she was falling for someone else

i still feel today she loves him and that makes it harder for her to come back to me even though we are together again
she says her feelings werent real but i dont know-she says no and says she is not in love with him

am i living with a women who really loves someone else
will she ever be in love with me again

any opinions


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## magicsunset08 (Oct 30, 2008)

I feel your pain. First and foremost, cut the porn out completely. Most women hat this stuff. If they don't hate it you probably don't want those girls anyway. My wife had an affair that started just like this. She isn't in love with you? Do you know what that means? I sure don't. I feel the "in love" feeling is temporary, not everlasting. Think about it, you said it yourself. She had these feelings for you at one time right. She is confused and someone made her feel good about herself and she fed off it. If you love her and are a patient man I think you have a chance. It has been over 2 years for me and things are coming around. Not where I want them to be, but I see glimpses of it. One thing is for sure you cannot be pushy or over-bearing. You have to let her go and work on yourself. Don't speak of your changes, let her see for herself. If you truly love her you will be able to endure this, if not now is your chance to bail. She does love you. That whole in love thing is non-sense. She thought she loved a guy she did not know. She was in love with a fantasy. That is what it was...a fantasy. Reality is kids, laundry, dishes, supper, blah, blah. To answer your question...yes, you should probably be concerned, but not worry about her feelings for this guy. You were replaced by another man. But, you can replace him. She wants to be with you, but this other dude made her feel special. Take your time and be patient. Mske some changes that need done (porn). I feel she will come around. Keep your head up and best of luck.


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