# How to move on



## Courageous (Oct 30, 2013)

have given everything up to make my marriage work for the past few years. I gave and did everything I could to make my husband happy and make our marriage workout but unfortunately it was not enough for him.
After being married for 14 years, I found out that he had been having affairs with for the past 5 to 6 years. I knew that our marriage was not perfect but I never in my wildest imagination thought that he had been this unhappy.
When i found out about his affairs I was so devastated because he even told me that he loved the woman he was seeing at that time. He couldn’t leave her because he cared so much for her. A few weeks later he told me that he wanted to work things out and for me to give him another chance. I agreed and everything was going good. A month later, he said that he couldn’t do this and that he was leaving because he wanted to a fresh start with someone new. At this point, he already had that “someone new” it was a different woman (not the one he loved 1 month or so ago). My thought is that he might have been with this other woman for a while as well and now decided to walk away from our marriage.
He stills wants to be friends and because “I’m his family and he loves me” which is beyond me.
However, I can’t just cut him off no matter how hard I try. I wanted my marriage to workout so bad and I love him that i’m compromising my selfworth and values.
I don’t know how to walk away and move on. I need some advice please.


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## Stretch (Dec 12, 2012)

Courageous,

Hugs girlfriend, I am sorry you are here. 

It is easy for me to say, but please know that I had a 22 year marriage go up in flames as well and I was devastated when she said she was leaving.

I can only tell you what worked for me and others will confirm.

From this point forward it has to be all about YOU. Get into counseling. Start exercising if you can. Try to get a group of friends and family that can be there for you when you need to talk. Reach out to old friends to start getting a social life going. There will never be a better time to remake yourself. If you can, get a new hairstyle, new clothes, etc.

This is all the rational things you should do and I know it seems impossible maybe even counter-intuitive. For the forseeable future we are going to work on Courageous and get you moving to whatever your life is going to become.

This is hard but you have to stop all contact with the stbxh except for children and finances.

You may not believe it but we believe in YOU.

So many here have survived. Go find Chopsy or AngelPixie or Freak on a leash or Ele Girl and start to get inspired.

Be strong,
Stretch


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## smallsteps (Feb 23, 2013)

Stretch is right, time to focus on you.

Mine left after almost 25 years. I went no contact, got in touch with friends, went out with friends.

Found things to occupy my thoughts.

You cannot be friends with him, it's not fair to you. It's better for you to have as little contact as possible.


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