# Pet peeve of the day....moody coworker



## highwood (Jan 12, 2012)

Moody co-worker..this lady drives me nuts. One day she is nice and talkative and the next will not even acknowledge me. She was all talkative on Monday and last week she would not even look at me.

Today she said hi to me but when I initiated further conversation I got the cold shoulder...how the hell do I deal with that????


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## tropicalbeachiwish (Jun 1, 2016)

highwood said:


> Moody co-worker..this lady drives me nuts. One day she is nice and talkative and the next will not even acknowledge me. She was all talkative on Monday and last week she would not even look at me.
> 
> Today she said hi to me but when I initiated further conversation I got the cold shoulder...how the hell do I deal with that????


With folks like that, I just keep them at a distance. I continue to say hello and would engage in short conversation if they initiated. However, I wouldn't initiate chit chat. It's likely not personal though. 

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## highwood (Jan 12, 2012)

What frustrates me about myself, is whenever I am dealing with people likethat the moment they become all chatty it is like I forgive them and become chatty back...instead of giving them a taste of their own medicine.

I do that all the time....I have a sister who if she has an issue I will listen and give advice, etc. then at times if something is bothering me she will brush it off..and I get ticked off then the next time something comesup with her there I am again listening and empathizing.

I need to develop a backbone here me thinks.


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## tropicalbeachiwish (Jun 1, 2016)

I wouldn't give her a taste of her own medicine, but rather just recognize that you'll never be able to have a close relationship with her because of the moodiness. Be friendly, yet keep her at a distance. Otherwise, you'll be disappointed 

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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

highwood said:


> What frustrates me about myself, is whenever I am dealing with people likethat the moment they become all chatty it is like I forgive them and become chatty back...instead of giving them a taste of their own medicine.
> 
> I do that all the time....I have a sister who if she has an issue I will listen and give advice, etc. then at times if something is bothering me she will brush it off..and I get ticked off then the next time something comesup with her there I am again listening and empathizing.
> 
> I need to develop a backbone here me thinks.


No,your backbone is developed fine.Why lower yourself to their standards,just say good morning and keep moving,if they want to act like *******s let them.


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

Is it possible she's just busy trying to do her job? 

The way you handle it is say "good morning", then get busy doing your job. Unless you are working hand to hand with her her mood should have no impact on your day.


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

Andy1001 said:


> No,your backbone is developed fine.Why lower yourself to their standards,just say good morning and keep moving,if they want to act like *******s let them.


That's about all you can do. It the hypersensitive work world, if you say anything negative you get hauled into HR.


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## highwood (Jan 12, 2012)

Cooper said:


> Is it possible she's just busy trying to do her job?
> 
> The way you handle it is say "good morning", then get busy doing your job. Unless you are working hand to hand with her her mood should have no impact on your day.


No, not when she does it at the lunch table....last week her and I and another coworker were at the lunch table talking and whenever she was talking she would not look at me and instead focused her attn. on the other girl....then two days later she is all chatty.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Sounds like she's in junior high still.

Don't let her get to you.


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## MrsAldi (Apr 15, 2016)

How old is she? 
Just ignore her, she probably doesn't even realise she's like that. 

I wouldn't bring it up, I usually used to wait for another coworker to say something and then sit back and watch the drama unfold! 

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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Be cordial and polite. That is all you are required to do. No one can fault you for that. Further, it is certain others in the office notice the same poor attitude of the co-worker just as they notice your good demeanor. A good demeanor is helpful eventually. The poor attitude gets looked over at promotion/pay increase time frequently if not always.


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## Luvher4life (Jan 15, 2016)

My pet peeve of the day would be "lazy coworkers". Some people just work harder at getting out of work than they do actually working. Oh, well... I just deal with it, knowing I'm pulling my weight..., and then some.


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## Tomara (Jun 19, 2013)

I am facing somewhat of the same thing, it is purely childish behavior. Mine is also 1/2 my boss. I got my review today and I have two areas I scored needs improvement. This is the first time she has been part of my review. All other reviews for the last three years have been stellar. Personally I would like to put my foot where the sun doesn't shine! It's very hard to deal with!


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## highwood (Jan 12, 2012)

So now I am sitting closer to moody coworker....one thing that has bothered me in the past and now even more so as I am working closer to her is her and two other ladies always have coffee together/go for lunch at times, etc. and never include/invite me yet I am supposedly work "friends" with them. I noticed that moody coworker makes sure that she says nothing to me about when they are going for coffee/or going out for lunch. She dileberately does not invite me or let me know and I guess the others just follow along.

How would you handle this? I am thinking of giving her and the other girl who I thought I was work friends with a taste of their own medicine and giving them the cold shoulder. To me why should I be all friendly and jovial around them when I am deliberately excluded

Ugg I hate stuff like this in work place it feels so petty and childish but not sure how else to handle this...


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

highwood said:


> So now I am sitting closer to moody coworker....one thing that has bothered me in the past and now even more so as I am working closer to her is her and two other ladies always have coffee together/go for lunch at times, etc. and never include/invite me yet I am supposedly work "friends" with them. I noticed that moody coworker makes sure that she says nothing to me about when they are going for coffee/or going out for lunch. She dileberately does not invite me or let me know and I guess the others just follow along.
> 
> How would you handle this? I am thinking of giving her and the other girl who I thought I was work friends with a taste of their own medicine and giving them the cold shoulder. To me why should I be all friendly and jovial around them when I am deliberately excluded
> 
> Ugg I hate stuff like this in work place it feels so petty and childish but not sure how else to handle this...


You say it is childish and petty but you want to play these childish and petty games.Either accept that you are never going to be part of this friendship group or else ask one of them why do they not include you in their lunches.By the way nobody is obliged to be friends with anyone so if they don't want to include you there's not a lot you can do.


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## UnicornCupcake (Dec 8, 2016)

So, I deal with this on and off with my one (and only, lol) co-worker so I'll tell you what's worked for me.

1. Try to understand that she may be ignoring you so she doesn't do/say something that will make the situation worse. Some people just need to collect themselves.

2. It probably has F all to do with you... Something is happening in her life, but you're stuck with each other for 8 hours/day so you're bound to experience some of her moods.

3. Ask her ONCE in a PROFESSIONAL (not friendly) way if anything is the matter and if there's anything you can do. She'll say no and you need to leave it at that. Do not ask again. If she tells you something is wrong then cool, you can begin to work it out.

4. Do no enable. She said nothing is wrong so go on like nothing is wrong. It will work itself out.

It's frustrating to deal with people like this, yes. But not everyone has the same emotional IQ and personally, Id' rather deal with someone like this than someone who freaks out over everything, lol. You can only control how you respond to her moods.


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## highwood (Jan 12, 2012)

Her and I share an office area, she previously shared it with someone else who she liked a lot, but due to relocations in the building we were moved around. THis past week she has not said anything to me. I say good morning to her when she comes in and she barely says it back yet everybody else that walks by they get an enthusiastic good morning and a how are you and I barely nothing....so to me she is doing that intentionally to show me that she is choosing to be cold and standoffish.


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## UnicornCupcake (Dec 8, 2016)

highwood said:


> Her and I share an office area, she previously shared it with someone else who she liked a lot, but due to relocations in the building we were moved around. THis past week she has not said anything to me. I say good morning to her when she comes in and she barely says it back yet everybody else that walks by they get an enthusiastic good morning and a how are you and I barely nothing....so to me she is doing that intentionally to show me that she is choosing to be cold and standoffish.


You really need to stop letting this bother you. I know it's hard because as human we wonder why we're receiving such treatment. I deal with this daily so I know how you feel. My co-worker will go do a bank run and not even tell me she's gone! I don't need her to seek my permission for a bathroom break or anything, but when there's ONLY two of us it's just helpful to inform the other that you'll be away for a few minutes. 

You need to try the parrot approach. It's worked wonders for me. It's not about winning, though! This is important. it's about treating like with like.

In sum, I will not acknowledge her first, even with a polite morning hello. If she wants to, I'll reciprocate it kind. I've also stopped telling her when I step out and there's been a few times she got ****ed over by not communicating so she's learned to do it a bit more, especially around peek times. Basically, just COPY her.


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## UnicornCupcake (Dec 8, 2016)

Also, you can always PM me and ***** about her, haha. That's always fun! We could swap stories.


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## highwood (Jan 12, 2012)

UnicornCupcake said:


> You really need to stop letting this bother you. I know it's hard because as human we wonder why we're receiving such treatment. I deal with this daily so I know how you feel. My co-worker will go do a bank run and not even tell me she's gone! I don't need her to seek my permission for a bathroom break or anything, but when there's ONLY two of us it's just helpful to inform the other that you'll be away for a few minutes.
> 
> You need to try the parrot approach. It's worked wonders for me. It's not about winning, though! This is important. it's about treating like with like.
> 
> In sum, I will not acknowledge her first, even with a polite morning hello. If she wants to, I'll reciprocate it kind. I've also stopped telling her when I step out and there's been a few times she got ****ed over by not communicating so she's learned to do it a bit more, especially around peek times. Basically, just COPY her.


100% agree with you!


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## highwood (Jan 12, 2012)

There is a pattern with her, a few years ago another coworker was given some of her tasks to do as management felt that she was not doing a good job, it was not his fault, he did not ask to take on more work he was just assigned it. She was ticked off at him (when she should have been ticked off at management) but instead took her anger out on him, by ignoring him, etc....funny essentially the same thing she is doing to me.


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## UnicornCupcake (Dec 8, 2016)

^^^
I mean, from her perspective it makes sense to displace her anger unto you. She can't really cold shoulder management, lol. She's using you as an outlet which isn't fair, but much easier to understand. 

My co-worker is all of a sudden not willing to switch me shifts. I think she just wants the money to work the full shift. What a *****. I'll just keep it in mind the next time she asks, lol. Everyone is out for themselves.


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## highwood (Jan 12, 2012)

One of the other ladies here describes her as "mean' which I can now see very clearly that is true....I guess I tell myself that I am not alone as I know there are others that cannot stand her.


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## highwood (Jan 12, 2012)

UnicornCupcake said:


> ^^^
> I mean, from her perspective it makes sense to displace her anger unto you. She can't really cold shoulder management, lol. She's using you as an outlet which isn't fair, but much easier to understand.
> 
> My co-worker is all of a sudden not willing to switch me shifts. I think she just wants the money to work the full shift. What a *****. I'll just keep it in mind the next time she asks, lol. Everyone is out for themselves.


Yes in your case for sure....just for her to ask her...give her a taste of herown medicine.


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