# Thoughts



## MancMan (May 5, 2016)

Speaking to my wife last night she mentioned a colleague at work. He sounds like a decent enough chap but can be 'over friendly' when chatting. He's opened conversations with things like 'morning gorgeous' and just yesterday I saw a chat that began 'morning beautiful' (they use Hangouts as a communication tool at work). 

She's been completely open about it and said 'he's just that type of guy'.

He works in their London office and she in a regional one, they've met once at a company meeting and it wasn't for long so there is no way I think anything at all is happening but it still doesn't sit right someone talking to other people wives like that. He's married with kids as well. She discussed it with her colleague who said she thought it was a bit over friendly and wouldn't be pleased about it.

What do you guys think?

Worth pointing out that (not sure if anyone remembers my story but) I believe my wife had an EA with a guy from her previous job, she just believes they were 'close friends'. Caused lots of hurt and upset but we're through it and all is fine. This could be just a trigger and something that I'm super sensitive to.


----------



## verpin zal (Feb 23, 2013)

Unfortunately some men on this planet don't understand what "back off" means. Hence "that type of guy".

No need to worry if your wife's open and honest about it, but no harm in staying vigilant either.

If you're uncomfortable about the exchanges, you have every right to talk to your wife about it and ask her that she warns this guy to keep the conversation professional. If your wife established strong boundaries after the first incident, she will do this without being asked, or will at least understand your concerns.

Like I said, stay vigilant.


----------



## Youngwife1000 (Mar 26, 2017)

MancMan said:


> Speaking to my wife last night she mentioned a colleague at work. He sounds like a decent enough chap but can be 'over friendly' when chatting. He's opened conversations with things like 'morning gorgeous' and just yesterday I saw a chat that began 'morning beautiful' (they use Hangouts as a communication tool at work).
> 
> 
> 
> ...




I think if you are uncomfortable about it, which btw I’d hate my husband to refer to a work colleague as gorgeous or beautiful, you should say. My husband cheated on me a lot last year but I found out in one lump, we are still in early recovery and reconciliation. He’s stopping or will do anything to show me he doesn’t want to hurt me again, even if it’s an action that can trigger hurtful memories.
I think you are well within your rights to tell her how this is making you feel and ask that she puts together a message saying she doesn’t want to be addressed like that again. She has a name, use it. Ask to see the message and ask to see it sent, so she can’t delete it.
If she’s serious about making you feel ok and secure, it shouldn’t even be an issue for her.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## zookeeper (Oct 2, 2012)

Has she actually told him to stop?


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

In my opinion its innappropriate. If she has had one EA already then its important that she politely tell him that she would rather he didnt address her like that but kept it professional. 
If he is married then its even worse, I am sure his wife wouldn't be happy about it.


----------



## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

I'm sorry to say that I believe your wife has very poor boundaries. She likely believes that no harm can come from such a "comfortable" exchange, but it's highly inappropriate.

If your wife is unwilling or unable to tell him to stop, then you'll have to step up. If she says nothing, that's as good as giving him the green light to continue. And please be honest to yourself - does your wife like or need attention/validation? 

And both of you need to read _Not Just Friends_ by the late Dr. Shirley Glass. Now.


----------



## VermiciousKnid (Nov 14, 2017)

I think he's trying to get in her pants. I think she knows that and is open to the idea. That's what I think.


----------



## Aletta (Aug 7, 2017)

You need to have a serious conversation with your wife about appropriate behaviour and boundaries. This guy is obviously out of line but there is no way he would be so comfortable unless she was ok with that. Men never talk to me like that, even the very 'friendly' types, because I don't give off the vibe that I'm ok with that. It's really that simple. It's on her to change her behaviour so he stops. She owes it to you since you are her husband and it's a decent thing to do, even if it's completely innocent. But if she is prone to close friendships and EAs, then it is not innocent.


----------



## TX-SC (Aug 25, 2015)

She should send him a message saying that she prefers to be addressed in a professional manner. 

Sent from my SM-N950U using Tapatalk


----------



## Tatsuhiko (Jun 21, 2016)

The fact that she disclosed these things to you suggests that she has no interest in him and wants you to know she's on the straight and narrow. She's in an awkward position (as are many women in the workplace) because exposing him makes her look like a legal problem to her employer and a detriment to the "team." Also awkward for her to talk to him directly since it will adversely affect their working relationship. He'll claim he was just being "friendly" and talks that way to everyone. 

But do stay vigilant.


----------



## Broken_in_Brooklyn (Feb 21, 2013)

Perhaps your wife can reply with "Please refer to me as Mrs ManCMan or by my first name. My children and my husband read these chats and they get confused when someone refers to me as gorgeous or babydoll. They don't understand you are just being friendly. Thanks!"


----------



## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

MancMan said:


> Speaking to my wife last night she mentioned a colleague at work. He sounds like a decent enough chap but can be 'over friendly' when chatting. He's opened conversations with things like 'morning gorgeous' and just yesterday I saw a chat that began 'morning beautiful' (they use Hangouts as a communication tool at work).
> 
> She's been completely open about it and said 'he's just that type of guy'.
> 
> ...


I read your last thread and there is no doubt in my mind that your wife was having an emotional affair last year.And she’s having another one this year.
Have you found a job yet,you seem to have low self esteem and being out of work while your wife is the breadwinner isn’t going to help.
You need to crack down on this as hard as you did last year.You warned her you were going to talk to the other mans wife last year,remind her of this and if it doesn’t stop then contact the mans wife and if you have any balls you should contact him to.


----------



## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

First, you should thank your wife for letting you know about this. There's a fine line between talking to her about boundaries and discouraging her from telling you about things like this in the future.

That said, I'd then tell her that she can either tell him to stop addressing her like that, or you will. Then politely ask to see the confirmation.


----------



## verpin zal (Feb 23, 2013)

badmemory said:


> There's a fine line between talking to her about boundaries and discouraging her from telling you about things like this in the future.


OP, this advice is spot on.


----------



## MancMan (May 5, 2016)

Many thanks for all the responses.

I know how I need to proceed and what I need to do.

Just FYI, I have indeed got a job. got my self confidence back (mostly) and things have been good.

My plan is to watch quietly for now and step in when I feel it's required. As has been said, she told me openly and honestly about it (there was no need as I would never have known otherwise) and I don't want to discourage that.

I don't for a minute think this is an EA, that's not to say it won't develop so I will watch.


----------



## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

MancMan said:


> My plan is to watch quietly for now and *step in when I feel it's required*.


Friend, you'll want to handle this delicately, but that time is now.


----------



## MyRevelation (Apr 12, 2016)

MancMan said:


> Many thanks for all the responses.
> 
> I know how I need to proceed and what I need to do.
> 
> ...


Quit avoiding conflict ... that is how these things grow. You need to address it now.

Personally, I like the suggestion from Broken_in_Brooklyn:



> Perhaps your wife can reply with "Please refer to me as Mrs ManCMan or by my first name. My children and my husband read these chats and they get confused when someone refers to me as gorgeous or babydoll. They don't understand you are just being friendly. Thanks!"


She needs to step up her game and shut down this nonsense, and you need confirmation it was done and how it was done.


----------



## zookeeper (Oct 2, 2012)

What is your wife going to do about it? If a fox breaks into the coop, you've got a fox problem. If the hen opens the door...you've got a hen problem.

Reality check - failure to object is often interpreted as implied approval by scumbags.


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

MancMan said:


> Speaking to my wife last night she mentioned a colleague at work. He sounds like a decent enough chap but can be 'over friendly' when chatting. He's opened conversations with things like 'morning gorgeous' and just yesterday I saw a chat that began 'morning beautiful' (they use Hangouts as a communication tool at work).
> 
> She's been completely open about it and said 'he's just that type of guy'.
> 
> ...


Sounds typically like some chaps I know.

Bus driver yesterday was calling all passengers male or female "beaut."


----------



## JayDee7 (Sep 12, 2017)

I would say something to him. She is your wife and you are the one who is offended, and rightfully so. You wife likely will not say anything. Some women have a hard time recognizing harrasment and others may be intimidated to say anything.
Something simple like “Hey man don’t talk to my wife like that, show her some respect.”


----------



## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Broken_in_Brooklyn said:


> Perhaps your wife can reply with "Please refer to me as Mrs ManCMan or by my first name. My children and my husband read these chats and they get confused when someone refers to me as gorgeous or babydoll. They don't understand you are just being friendly. Thanks!"


My 'not' Dear, 'not' Friend, my mere Peer on TAM, 

You are showing me a politicians classic door breaking lever. 
One of the Five Bureaus tricks and feather ticklers used to elicit a vote and compliance from from a constituent, having, yet, no fever.


----------



## dubsey (Feb 21, 2013)

I don't think there's any harm in thanking your wife for letting you know about this stuff, and how much you appreciate her honesty. Then, follow it up with "how so and so addresses you does make me a bit uncomfortable. I do trust you, but I'm not a fan of this. I'd like it if you'd ask him to be a bit less flirty and establish some boundaries."


----------



## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

JayDee7 said:


> I would say something to him. She is your wife and you are the one who is offended, and rightfully so. You wife likely will not say anything. Some women have a hard time recognizing harrasment and others may be intimidated to say anything.
> Something simple like “Hey man don’t talk to my wife like that, show her some respect.”


And it wouldn't even register for some, and still others would enjoy it.


----------



## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

On this I have said in the past.

As a man, as husband, I would go to the source, the well spring holding cheap dime store perfumed water.

I would face the would be POSOM and tell him in no certain terms that my wife is My Dearest, my Beauty. Say it with a snarl.

If you continue talking to her in this manner, I will re-visit you. Make sure you bring a football helmet, sporting a large, full-face guard.

Naturally, make sure no one overhears, witnesses your words. 

Do not ***** foot around.

Bring @ConanHub with you for backup.

I did this twenty years ago when someone cheated me out of money. Brought two unshaven, big man bears with black leather jackets with me as backup, up on the thief's front porch. Demanded the money owed.
Uh, that worked.


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

MancMan said:


> Speaking to my wife last night she mentioned a colleague at work. He sounds like a decent enough chap but can be 'over friendly' when chatting. He's opened conversations with things like 'morning gorgeous' and just yesterday I saw a chat that began 'morning beautiful' (they use Hangouts as a communication tool at work).
> 
> She's been completely open about it and said 'he's just that type of guy'.
> 
> ...


Find out what social circles his wife travels in. Start engaging her at whatever functions she attends and make good friends with her.

Be sure to flatter her in a jovial way, calling her gorgeous and beautiful often.>


----------



## Rick Blaine (Mar 27, 2017)

I would send the man a text on her phone. Join the conversation and tell this man who you are and not to address your wife in this way. Let him know that if he needs clarification you would be happy come see him at work. Mark your territory and insist your wife set boundaries.


----------



## donny64 (Apr 21, 2012)

> He's opened conversations with things like 'morning gorgeous' and just yesterday I saw a chat that began 'morning beautiful'


Just wrong. To her it may be "harmless", but to everyone else on the planet, we see it for what it is...the beginning stages of him trying to get into her head (and her pants). 

I've got female friends. Perhaps the second closest friend I have in life is female. None of them (mostly single) are virtually ever addressed in that manner. We don't chat, or text at night any little bit more than what I do with my guy friends. 

Casual and infrequent compliments can be one thing. Addressing someone in this manner as a matter of course is another. He's trying to get into her head. You don't address another man's woman in this manner unless you are up to no good, IMO. And your wife needs to be FULLY aware of what he may be trying to do. If she downplays what these "plays" for her mean and is not at least aware and watchful for what it COULD mean, she is walking blindly into a dangerous trap. Because if she ignores it and doesn't see it for what it is, sooner or later he WILL get into her head (assuming he's not just a complete doofus).


----------



## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Your wife has cheated on you once. She should be going above and beyond to prove to you that she is no longer engaging in that garbage behavior. Well, she hasn’t has she? Or else she would be putting that guy in his place. 

She still has sh*t for boundaries, and her being all “open and honest” is just more gaslighting. She knows what she is doing. This prick is feeding her ego kibbles and she is scarfing them up.


----------



## Windwalker (Mar 19, 2014)

If it was me, I would quietly send a message to his like this.

Hello, this is such n such's husband. My wife has informed me of the way you address her and has shown me the disrespectful way you address her. There are 3 possibilities to resolve this situation.

First, you keep a respectful mouth in your head and address MY WIFE in a professional manner befitting a working environment.

Second, I go straight to the HR department and we all have a discussion the hard way.

Third, I come and meet you personally and we talk this out man to man. This is my preferred method, but I will leave the first choice up to you.

This is the only warning you will get.

Sincerely,
The Prick!


----------



## TAMAT (Jun 20, 2015)

MancMan,

Save all the correspondence from this OM, present it to personnel and the OMW. Calling a coworker gorgeous is inappropriate, does he also call male coworkers gorgeous? I would suspect this guy just throws out compliments until he gets a hit, perhaps a 1 in 35 ratio or something. 

The fact that your W continues to leave this vulnerability open to OMs and has not shut him down on her own is a problem in and of itself. 

You wrote, *I believe my wife had an EA with a guy from her previous job, she just believes they were 'close friends'. Caused lots of hurt and upset but we're through it and all is fine. This could be just a trigger and something that I'm super sensitive to. * If your W denies what your gut tells you is true you are not through it nor is everything fine. Did you confront or expose this prior OM or was it rugswept?

Tamat


----------



## poida (Jan 17, 2014)

MancMan said:


> Many thanks for all the responses.
> 
> I know how I need to proceed and what I need to do.
> 
> ...


Nope. Dont rug sweep your feelings.

Explain how you feel to your wife and suggest that if she were to message him asking him to address her formally because she is transparent to you with all communications and it sends a misleading and frankly sleazy message.

And encourage her to show you when its done.

Don't insist..... explain how you feel and ask.


----------



## poida (Jan 17, 2014)

JayDee7 said:


> I would say something to him. She is your wife and you are the one who is offended, and rightfully so. You wife likely will not say anything. Some women have a hard time recognizing harrasment and others may be intimidated to say anything.
> Something simple like “Hey man don’t talk to my wife like that, show her some respect.”


And she will likely respect you more for it.


----------



## Sports Fan (Aug 21, 2014)

Completely unacceptable behaviour. Your wife knows full well whats going on. You offered no consequences last time offer them up this time. VAR her car immediately.


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

This is typical of many men from London or as they used to call it The Smoke.

Addressing all women as babe or doll. They see nothing wrong with it. And might not see it as flirting.

Still worth keeping an eye on, however.


----------



## MancMan (May 5, 2016)

Wow, didn't get on yesterday so didn't expect all the responses.

I have spoken to my wife who says she didn't think it was an issue and apologised. She will let him know to behave more appropriately which I thanked her for.

At MattMatt say, I do think this is a case of a guy just being over friendly but I've had my say and will now observe from afar.


----------



## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

MattMatt said:


> This is typical of many men from London or as they used to call it The Smoke.
> 
> Addressing all women as babe or doll. They see nothing wrong with it. And might not see it as flirting.
> 
> Still worth keeping an eye on, however.


I think it must be a long time since you were in London Matt.
A reeeallllly long time.


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Andy1001 said:


> I think it must be a long time since you were in London Matt.
> A reeeallllly long time.


True. They all live in the suburbs of London now, though. 

Can't afford London prices.


----------



## Rick Blaine (Mar 27, 2017)

MancMan said:


> Wow, didn't get on yesterday so didn't expect all the responses.
> 
> I have spoken to my wife who says she didn't think it was an issue and apologised. She will let him know to behave more appropriately which I thanked her for.
> 
> At MattMatt say, I do think this is a case of a guy just being over friendly but I've had my say and will now observe from afar.


In other words, "I am too afraid to establish and enforce boundaries by calling out this man who calls my wife beauty. And I won't insist that my wife draw clear lines with him. Avoiding conflict is much easier and more comfortable for me."

Well, enjoy your "comfort."


----------



## MancMan (May 5, 2016)

Rick Blaine said:


> In other words, "I am too afraid to establish and enforce boundaries by calling out this man who calls my wife beauty. And I won't insist that my wife draw clear lines with him. Avoiding conflict is much easier and more comfortable for me."
> 
> Well, enjoy your "comfort."


Not at all, as I've shown before and will do in future, if something needs to be said/done it will happen. At the moment I'm comfortable with being told and watching. We've discussed it and she understands my feeling and will at on them.


----------



## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Your W has a track record, despite you both committing to “working things out!”

Anyone who seemingly shows her the least amount of attention raises her eyebrows! So either she’s got a thing for trying to procure herself some strange on the side, or she deep-down has you pegged as her ultimate Plan B!

Be wary of her and her actions! *


----------



## TX-SC (Aug 25, 2015)

It sounds like you have a good handle on this. It's extremely common to run into guys who act this way. Your wife seems to have taken it in stride and just let it roll off. Assuming she does tell him to be more professional, you guys should be fine.

Sent from my SM-N950U using Tapatalk


----------



## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

MancMan said:


> She will let him know to behave more appropriately which I thanked her for.


You:

"Thanks honey, I appreciate it. Do me another favor. Text or e-mail him instead and let me keep a copy of it. It's important for us to have have documentation that you asked him to stop; if his behavior gets further out of hand".


----------



## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

MattMatt said:


> True. They all live in the suburbs of London now, though.
> 
> Can't afford London prices.


I spent most of November in London with my girlfriend and our children.I didn’t bother hiring a car and took black taxis every day.A lot of them have guidelines on how they greet customers and I never heard any of the drivers greet my gf with anything other than respect.
The black cabbies seem to be fighting a losing battle against unlicensed drivers and Uber is a threat also, but it’s up in the air whether Uber will retain its license.
My house in Knightsbridge is on the market if you fancy a London bolthole.I only bought it last year.


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

London is out of my price range sadly.

Knightsbridge sounds a good location.


----------



## Sports Fan (Aug 21, 2014)

Another one that's going to learn the hard way!


----------



## EllaSuaveterre (Oct 2, 2016)

VermiciousKnid said:


> I think he's trying to get in her pants. I think she knows that and is open to the idea. That's what I think.


I absolutely disagree. I have been in this situation with online male friends more times than I can count, and I'm always completely open with my husband about it. If she's being totally honest (like, ask to see her chat history and she immediately and happily hands you the phone levels of honest) she is using you and your knowledge about this man as a shield against untoward behavior. 

I have many online friends of all genders. Some of them have had crushes on me at one time or another. I try to extinguish them when they come up, but sometimes I am too shy or too nervous or too much of a people pleaser to say directly, "Hey, please don't emote-hug me" or "It really makes me uncomfortable when you call me beautiful." A whole lot of women-- I would even go so far as to say the majority-- have great difficulty saying no to unwanted attention. It's NOT because they like it. In fact I would guess your wife probably feels profoundly uncomfortable with the whole thing. She just doesn't want her friend to be angry with her, and she's afraid she would be seen as being cold or overreacting if she were to tell this guy to stop being so friendly. After all, she thinks, what kind of prudish, evil Ice Queen would get upset with someone for being friendly??

The best thing you can do is tell her that you love her and you don't want any man on the internet or otherwise to make her feel uncomfortable. She's probably still not going to say "hey honey, would you tell this creep off for me?" Because again she feels her discomfort is a an overreaction and doesn't want to be seen as cold or prudish. But I think it would reassure her greatly to know that you are there to protect her virtue.


----------



## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Get her the book Not "Just Friends" by Shirley Glass


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

:scratchhead:

It's just a compliment

Is that all he does? Greets with beautiful/gorgeous etc? Meh

I would be more interested in the tone of the texts, what's discussed, how it's discussed.


----------



## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

RandomDude said:


> :scratchhead:
> 
> It's just a compliment
> 
> ...


With her prior history of “messaging” other men she needs to stop this bs in its tracks.


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Andy1001 said:


> With her prior history of “messaging” other men she needs to stop this bs in its tracks.


So she needs to make a show out of every man who pays her a compliment? 

Sure, she's proven untrustworthy but what else is discussed in those texts? 
Like if it's just "hey gorgeous, <work-related blabbel>" I don't see a reason to be alarmed. 
Now if it's "hey gorgeous, <work-related blabbel>, <flirt>, <work-related blabbel>, <flirt>" then ok, sure.

But as it is with what has been revealed so far... to me, it just seems so... excessive.


----------



## Red Sonja (Sep 8, 2012)

RandomDude said:


> :scratchhead:
> 
> It's just a compliment
> 
> ...


This type of behavior is completely disrespectful inside the context of a work relationship ... which is what this is. It is *not *a compliment rather it is treating a co-worker like a potential date.

It is also very easy to shut down without being insulting or over-the-top. I reply calmly "My name is X, please use it to address me."


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Red Sonja said:


> This type of behavior is completely disrespectful inside the context of a work relationship ... which is what this is. It is *not *a compliment rather it is treating a co-worker like a potential date.
> 
> It is also very easy to shut down without being insulting or over-the-top. I reply calmly "My name is X, please use it to address me."


Seems a cultural thing, and different businesses, different cultures. Many cultures even hug and kiss when greeting, and others go WTF?!


----------



## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

She could file sexual harassment charges .

In todays world he should watch how hes addressing women he works with


----------



## manwithnoname (Feb 3, 2017)

It seems to me a woman would put a stop to such behaviour if it was from someone who she found creepy and disgusting, and would think it is just them being "friendly" if it was someone she found attractive, downplaying it so that there is no reason to stop it, because she enjoys it.


----------



## EllaSuaveterre (Oct 2, 2016)

manwithnoname said:


> It seems to me a woman would put a stop to such behaviour if it was from someone who she found creepy and disgusting, and would think it is just them being "friendly" if it was someone she found attractive, downplaying it so that there is no reason to stop it, because she enjoys it.


Then you have much to learn about most women. Most women are NOT naturally inclined to reject anyone, ESPECIALLY men, and especially if those men could in ANY WAY impact her life. It's a completely subconscious thought process, but a lot of women are afraid of the social repercussions of telling a man to shove off, even if she doesn't like him at all. Even just this morning I sat and listened to a guy friend ramble about something I genuinely have no interest in, and I was thinking to myself, "Why can't I just tell him I have to leave?!" But I didn't leave. I didn't want to offend him. Even though I found him annoying. At the risk of sounding sexist, women are not inclined to say no to anyone, ESPECIALLY MEN, even though they dislike the advances!!


----------



## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

MancMan said:


> Speaking to my wife last night she mentioned a colleague at work. He sounds like a decent enough chap but can be 'over friendly' when chatting. He's opened conversations with things like 'morning gorgeous' and just yesterday I saw a chat that began 'morning beautiful' (they use Hangouts as a communication tool at work).
> 
> She's been completely open about it and said 'he's just that type of guy'.
> 
> ...


IMO the OM knows what he is doing. He is working it. Concerning your W who does not understand boundaries is downplaying because she probably enjoys it.


----------



## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

RandomDude said:


> Seems a cultural thing, and different businesses, different cultures. Many cultures even hug and kiss when greeting, and others go WTF?!


What culture hugs and kisses before business dealings?


----------



## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

sokillme said:


> Get her the book Not "Just Friends" by Shirley Glass


^^^^yep


----------



## MancMan (May 5, 2016)

With regards to the content of messages after the greeting its always been about work. Have you done this, is this possible, can you take a look at this kind of thing.

Usually finished with a 'thanks you're the best' and a smile emoji. 

I have absolutely NO reason to doubt my wife this time. She's not responding inappropriately or anything, nothing is coming home as it's all in work time, it's all on the work system.

If I found messages via other means or anything I'd be straight on it but that's not that case (for now!). They work at other ends of the country as well.


----------



## manwithnoname (Feb 3, 2017)

EllaSuaveterre said:


> Then you have much to learn about most women. Most women are NOT naturally inclined to reject anyone, ESPECIALLY men, and especially if those men could in ANY WAY impact her life. It's a completely subconscious thought process, but a lot of women are afraid of the social repercussions of telling a man to shove off, even if she doesn't like him at all. Even just this morning I sat and listened to a guy friend ramble about something I genuinely have no interest in, and I was thinking to myself, "Why can't I just tell him I have to leave?!" But I didn't leave. I didn't want to offend him. Even though I found him annoying. At the risk of sounding sexist, women are not inclined to say no to anyone, ESPECIALLY MEN, even though they dislike the advances!!


I think you're missing my point. If you were approached by an unattractive stranger with that same conversation, you would "have to leave" But if he was an attractive stranger, you would be interested in the same "boring" topic.

Not much different than a woman who wears a low cut blouse catching a guy who she finds unattractive sneak a peak, she'll think "what a creepy pervert". But if it was someone she found attractive, she'd think "wow, he's checking me out!"


----------



## VermiciousKnid (Nov 14, 2017)

It's weird that in 2017 there are still creepy dudes that would address a female coworker "hey gorgeous" unless their industry is porn or strip club. Some dude addresses my wife that way and he and I are gonna have a talk.


----------



## StillSearching (Feb 8, 2013)

VermiciousKnid said:


> It's weird that in 2017 there are still creepy dudes that would address a female coworker "hey gorgeous" unless their industry is porn or strip club. Some dude addresses my wife that way and he and I are gonna have a talk.


It's weird that in 2017 people think all of a sudden the world is a safe place.
It never will be. 
It's in a man nature to pursue. 
I'd voice my opposition to my wife and keep my radar on 10. 
I hope she has strong character.


----------



## toblerone (Oct 18, 2016)

There's no way I would address a woman in that manner unless it was either an inside joke or we had been flirting and I wish to continue it. If I came at a woman like that out of the blue it would be because I'd 100% want to get in her pants.

So, your wife's intent I can't decipher, but I'm certain of his.


----------



## VermiciousKnid (Nov 14, 2017)

toblerone said:


> If I came at a woman like that out of the blue it would be because I'd 100% want to get in her pants.


Exactly


----------



## EllaSuaveterre (Oct 2, 2016)

manwithnoname said:


> I think you're missing my point. If you were approached by an unattractive stranger with that same conversation, you would "have to leave" But if he was an attractive stranger, you would be interested in the same "boring" topic.
> 
> Not much different than a woman who wears a low cut blouse catching a guy who she finds unattractive sneak a peak, she'll think "what a creepy pervert". But if it was someone she found attractive, she'd think "wow, he's checking me out!"


It is you who are missing the point, friend. If I were approached by an unattractive stranger I would find him creepy but I would not say anything to offend him until he left on his own, or until I felt genuinely afraid of being assaulted. I do this with all people; gender and attractiveness _does not matter._ OP's wife sounds the same.


----------



## EllaSuaveterre (Oct 2, 2016)

Yeswecan said:


> What culture hugs and kisses before business dealings?


Egypt, I think.


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Yeswecan said:


> What culture hugs and kisses before business dealings?


I'm more illustrating the difference of cultures. For many European cultures it is customary to hug and kiss on the cheek. As for business dealings, different cultures themselves conduct businesses differently, Anglo cultures for example, go straight to business, other cultures such as Sino cultures, focus more on relationship building.


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

VermiciousKnid said:


> It's weird that in 2017 there are still creepy dudes that would address a female coworker "hey gorgeous" unless their industry is porn or strip club. Some dude addresses my wife that way and he and I are gonna have a talk.


In the UK "Hey gorgeous" or "Hiya, beautiful" are not necessarily seen as sexist. Old fashioned, but not necessarily sexist.


----------



## manwithnoname (Feb 3, 2017)

EllaSuaveterre said:


> It is you who are missing the point, friend. If I were approached by an unattractive stranger I would find him creepy but I would not say anything to offend him until he left on his own, or until I felt genuinely afraid of being assaulted. I do this with all people; gender and attractiveness _does not matter._ OP's wife sounds the same.


I said my point, not the point. Clearly we disagree. So most women agree to go on a date when asked by someone they don't want to go out with, just so they don't offend them? That is what you are saying, and that is not what happens.


----------



## Red Sonja (Sep 8, 2012)

manwithnoname said:


> It seems to me a woman would put a stop to such behaviour if it was from someone who she found creepy and disgusting, and would think it is just them being "friendly" if it was someone she found attractive, downplaying it so that there is no reason to stop it, because she enjoys it.


:scratchhead:

The above may (or may not) apply to a situation that occurs in *public*. The subject of this thread is conduct inside a *workplace *environment so what you suggest does not apply.


----------



## manwithnoname (Feb 3, 2017)

Red Sonja said:


> :scratchhead:
> 
> The above may (or may not) apply to a situation that occurs in *public*. The subject of this thread is conduct inside a *workplace *environment so what you suggest does not apply.


Environment doesn't matter, the concept still applies. I've seen it many times first hand.


----------



## Red Sonja (Sep 8, 2012)

manwithnoname said:


> Environment doesn't matter, the concept still applies. I've seen it many times first hand.


We will have to agree to disagree.


----------

