# Losing it, but why?



## castingabout (Mar 22, 2011)

Wife moved out in early March of this year two months after an affair with her supervisor. I have met a really great woman that adores me. My daughter loves her and vice versa. Things are good in my life. That's a big change from when I never thought I'd ever have another good feeling.
My problem is that every time I see a truck from the company she works for, I'm reminded of her affair and the betrayal. The affair took place in her supervisor's truck and went on for a month. I know right now you're thinking "Oh, how romantic!" I guess he was good in truck. Anyway.... He chose to stay with his wife and she chose to leave. What's done is done. I have no desire to have her back at all. I'd never be able to trust her again and would always wonder if she was really happy.
Every truck from that company I see, I'm sure it's him. Doesn't matter if it's a pickup like he drives, or a tanker truck. He's driving. It's a strong reminder at least. I was certain that he was beside me on the highway today. Guy had on a ballcap and sunglasses and was talking on his phone, but he was within a couple of miles of this guy's house and headed that way. He was driving a company pickup from that construction company. My girlfriend was cheated on in her last marriage and is super understanding in every way. We discuss our feelings and share them openly and honestly. She says it won't happen, but I'm worried I will drive her away with this.
I don't have revenge fantasies. I don't hold him solely responsible for the affair. I just hate being reminded of what they did to me and my children. How do I put this behind me and move on? I'm getting all buggy with this!


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## BigBri (Jul 22, 2011)

Right-on, bro. I think I've been told only a few of us have actually moved-on without our cheating significant other. Glad to meet one of our own... FINALLY. Good Luck in your next relationship.


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## castingabout (Mar 22, 2011)

BigBri said:


> Right-on, bro. I think I've been told only a few of us have actually moved-on without our cheating significant other. Glad to meet one of our own... FINALLY. Good Luck in your next relationship.




Oh, man! No doubt it was hard on me. Lots of crying and pleading. I woke up one day realizing I would be able to live without her. She moved out soon after. The decision to be OK was a tough one. I had been with her over half of my life. The funny thing is that I'm really happier without her. I remember all of the stupid crap she used to do that I overlooked because it was aninsignificant part of the whole and wonder how it lasted so long. We made it almost 22 years.
Anyway, things are good for me now except for the reminder. That might never heal, I guess. Funny part is that she's alone and miserable. She didn't find that happiness out there in the world that she thought was waiting for her. I found more than I thought I would. Poetic justice is a ***** sometimes, ain't it?


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## BigBri (Jul 22, 2011)

Cool, man. Gives me a great perspective on the future. Is your Ex-wife still working with OM?


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

97% of A hook-ups fail---but your wife or Xwife--never got that far----she will regret what she has done, for the rest of her life----I promise you there is nobody out there for her, that did what you did for her----hey she made her bed let her sleep in it

As for the triggers---try some hypnotheraphy, or at the least talk to a counselor, on how to get thru these triggers


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## castingabout (Mar 22, 2011)

She does still work for same company as the OM, but on a different crew. They have occasional contact at safety meetings and whatnot. He had another girl on the side (Or is it side, side?) and chose to stay with his wife over both of them. He's apparently being investigated for offering promotions for sexual favors. i hope they burn him a new one.

Wife explained that her spirit was dying with me, even though I broke my back in persuit of her dreams. Let her find someone else that will put his wants aside for hers. I agree that it's not going to happen. So far, she hasn't been happ with any of the guys she's been out with. Seems there's very few good men available. That's tough for her.

My GF can't understand why she threw me away, but is glad she did. She claims that recycling really works. 

I'd like to thank you for your words of encouragement. You've turned what started off as a bad night into a good one. Thanks.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

Sorry that the sight of the OMs truck company still triggers you, I don't know how you get around that except for time.

Your story is typical of the cheating wife stories, wherein the WW is so in the fog of the A that she leaves the BS, thinking that the OM is going to leave his wife for her. Then the OM doesn't leave his wife, throws your WW under the bus, and your WW ends up alone. It seems to happen a lot. OM rarely leave their wives, they just want your WW as a piece of ass, but your WW is so deep in the fog, thinking she's with her soulmate shmoopie. Poetic justice indeed.


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## BigBri (Jul 22, 2011)

Just got done reading your whole sordid story... WHEW. I just like to say that you're one of the most resiliant people I have EVER come across. I really got to tip my hat to you. You are one class act, my friend. The one thing that sticks out, is how you can still be friends with her. I mean... you must still really love her. I... I... don't think I could do that. With all the BS she's put me through, my xGF can literally rot in hell for all I care. I feel total hate for her right now... seriously. I don't kow how you do it, man. To be able to face her, and still treat her "good," I'm just speechless. Its a shame your xwife doesn't know what she lost in you. I rarely go out on a limb and give props to anyone here, but you are deserving of my admiration. I really hope you can turn this corner, as far as the triggering goes. You deserve nothing but the best in life. Again, Good Luck to you in whatever crosses your path.


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## ing (Mar 26, 2011)

Hey. That is great news. 
My story is very similar to yours. WW leaves for OM who is married. She is still deep in the fog believing him when he says that he is going to separate "any day now". "Time not quite right.. "
It is pitiful really. 

I feel that I couldn't take her back for similar reasons. That easy trust is gone and would never return. 

The questions that kept coming back were. 

Do I really want to be second best?
Do I really want to be "settled for"
Do I really want to live my life knowing that the person I am with put me so much pain. Deliberately.

My love for her is still there. It is fading rather than been ripped out of me. 
I no longer think how I am going to solve things. 
I no longer wonder what she is doing.

Triggers. Yep. I was reduced to a DDay mess only the other day when I thought about this coming Christmas. I don't have the constant reminder that you do and that helps but really . Not wot your time.. Go out. Drink more champagne. Stay in.


I was picked out of the pool pretty quick too! I am seeing someone who has been cheated on in TWO long relationships. She also understands where I am. It is wonderful being with someone who likes you! I will just say "ditto" to all the things you said about your new partner. 

It made me realize that this affair was probably a work EA for months and months. I look at the photos and her eyes are not smiling. Humoring me. Oh. The joy of hindsight.

I think it is natural to wonder about the other man. I actually know what he looks like and can see why she went for him. He is a better father figure. He is at least 10 years older than me. 


If your reading this and you have recently been betrayed it will all seem hard to believe. It takes a HUGE effort to let them go. 

I reckon we get gold stars castingabout


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