# Why do I Have to Deal With These Feelings



## JustFree (Sep 17, 2014)

So short version background:
Lived together with girlfriend for 6 years, bought houses together, helped bring up 2 young boys. She wants to get married and move south. So I liquidate, get married become official step dad. 
7 years later I find out she was screwing her boss around the time we were getting married and had affairs during our 7 years with others.
It not only a shock as you can imagine to me but to others who say she was the one who wanted to get married so badly.

We were both married previously and I had just turned 50, now 57.
We both made good money and are fit.

So last September she signs the Separation Agreement and we are in our 1 year waiting period (bible belt state).

I have not seen her or talked to her since. Wouldn't you know I see her at a local bar with her girlfriend, she does not see me so I leave immediately. 2 nights later I am at Starbucks and who walks by and spots me sitting inside. So she sticks her face to the glass and gives me a ****y smile and wave. I just turned away. She left, thank god. 
But here it is. How can she be so brazen. Screwed me over and is mocking me! I completely changed my life, gave up everything and get stuck with the crappy feelings.
I have used my head and have done everything possible to feel better, exercise, eating properly, etc. and have come a long way but I still am more wobbly on my feet than I care to admit. I try very hard at getting my act together like started Salsa lessons and made some new acquaintances. Have not dated yet though. Just don't know how to anymore it seems. 
But... how can this pig just whistle by and be so bold as to be so ****y.
I just don't get how cruel narcissists are.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

I'm very sorry. These things just don't make sense, I know (shaking my head). You just have to live through them and you will. 

You're off to a great start and that's something to be proud of!


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

JustFree,

I'm sorry for what you are going through. It sounds very similar to what I went through. Married a guy at 50 who had custody of his two children.

He messing around the whole time. In my case I was left raising his kids because neither him nor his ex could be bothered.

Some people are just the not good people. But they seek out good people because they want something stable while they use us and screw around.

It takes time to heal. While you still have not worked your way through the pain, it sounds like you are actually doing the right things and moving in the right direction.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*JustFree: Sorry for what you're going through. No self-respecting man should ever have to endure what you have! It appears that she's had you labelled as her "Plan B" the whole time she was with you!

Just stay the course, despite her crappy attitude! Always remember that every dog has their day!

Welcome to TAM! Sorry to see you here, but you've definitely come to the right place. You will foremostly remain in my prayers!*


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## TheGoodGuy (Apr 22, 2013)

I swear I still cannot fathom why human beings treat each other this way.. Sorry you're here.


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## SamuraiJack (May 30, 2014)

Some people are able to just throw up their arms and say screw it...but thats more of a reflection on them than you.
Sounds like she is one of those people who will use another just because she can.

Sorry you are here.


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## JustFree (Sep 17, 2014)

Every reply post is spot on. Thank you all. I just can never understand how one human being can treat another in such bad ways. It would be interesting to hear her side and how it is justified. . . but that will never happen.


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## Healer (Jun 5, 2013)

EleGirl said:


> *Some people are just the not good people*.


And there you have it.


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