# What men want from sex



## julia71 (Oct 25, 2010)

My husband complains to me about our sex life, that we don't have sex enough. We've been married for 10 years. Had sex about 3-4 times a week the first couple years, then it went to about 1-2 times a week, until recently. In the last 3 to 4 months, its only been a few times a month. There are some serious issues in our marriage I won't get into here that I think are causing this. But the 1-2 times a week I thought was ok. Seems for him it's not. But he approached sex not as an intimate act between husband and wife, but rather like he just needs to get his. And when I don't want to, he'll sometimes go watch a pay-per-view porno on TV. I feel like I just a vessel for him to have sex, not that he wants to have sex with me to feel closer, be intimate. When he's told me we don't have sex enough or that I don't initiate it enough, I tried to improve on that. I started intiating it more, but then it was that I wasn't intitating it "right." WTF? So I tried different things. But he lays there on his back, doing nothing, and I'm just supposed to "attack" him, service him, I guess that's what he wants. But it's not exactly a thrill for me. I've told him that. When I trying to be seductive and playful and he just lays there (yeah he kisses me back, but that's it), it's kinda hard for me to stay into it, ya know? But I remain determined and get through it. But over time I've kind of said screw this, it's not worth it. Last night I snuggle up to him, kissing him on the face and rubbing his chest and stuff, got my legs intertwined with his, telling him how about it babe, getting ready to intiated it again and he gets out of bed, says I need something to drink, gonna have a cigarette while I'm up too. So, I turned over and went to sleep. This morning, when the alarm goes off for me to get up and get ready for work, he says, I know I didn't feel like it last night, but how about a quickie this morning? I said, uh no - I've got no time! I've got to get ready for work, get the kid to daycare and get to work! He didn't have to work today - so he had no worries. UGH!


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

Too much porn- he has unrealistic ideas about what sex should be like.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

It sounds to me like you are trying. The way he handled it last night was not the best, with you reaching out & him up & getting a cigarette - with no further words. At the very least, he should have kissed you & asked if a morning Romp would be oK & someone set the alarm. Connection in the Am. 

Men are always going to want more sex than their wives when they are younger. It is the Testosterone in their bodies screaming for release, also why they are so attracted to porn. It is also this hormone that makes them seem selfish, and run away sometimes. 

Just as you can not totally figure men out, sometimes men can not totally figure us out, why we need so much of this "emotional connection" to keep us happy , just sex for release. 

Have you ever really "sat him down" and shared your feelings with him, expressed you want some change , that you are willing to keep satisfying him but you need more in return also. 

I would hope he would change his behavior knowing you are ready to give us & quit reaching for him at all.


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## julia71 (Oct 25, 2010)

We have talked about it - as far as him telling me he's not getting enough and me explaining that I feel that sex is an intimate connection - not just a release or for gratification. I've explained how it's different for women, that sometimes its ok for it to just be sex - crazy, let's just F*** type of thing, but sometimes it has to be intimate, caring, about loving each other. I have not talked to him about the fact that I'm ready to just stop trying though.

He's mentioned that there's things he sees in the porn he's watched that he'd like us to try but he knows I won't do it. I've asked him, like what - but he won't tell me. But I've told him he has to understand that that stuff isn't realistic. He can't expect our sex life to be like that. He says he knows, he's just being dumb, but I wonder if he really does know.


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

If you're only having sex a couple of times a month when he feels it should be 12+ times per month, the few times you do have sex will be the "crazy, let's just F*** type of thing". He will have a lot of sex drive built up waiting for release.

If you have it 12+ times each month, it's easier for both of you to get what you want.

As for the pron stuff, why don't you watch some, see what is going on and surprise him. You don't have to do everything you see, but going a little "wild" a few times may help you get the intimate connection that you need.


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## BuddyL33 (Jul 16, 2009)

Chris Taylor said:


> If you're only having sex a couple of times a month when he feels it should be 12+ times per month, the few times you do have sex will be the "crazy, let's just F*** type of thing". He will have a lot of sex drive built up waiting for release.
> 
> If you have it 12+ times each month, it's easier for both of you to get what you want.
> 
> As for the pron stuff, why don't you watch some, see what is going on and surprise him. You don't have to do everything you see, but going a little "wild" a few times may help you get the intimate connection that you need.


Quoted for truth


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Julia71-- I don't know what kind of porn he is watching, is it really Hard core? most women will not like this or want to watch it at all. But maybe you can compromise & rent some PlayGirl DVD's - these are more softcore , more towards the fantasies & fullfillment of women. I LOVE this kind of porn, I am more addicted than my husband! I accually want him to try much of what I/we watch, so I am the equivilent of the High Test woman I guess. 

I am sure it is frustrating for him to hear you are not open at all for some new things. He should at least talk about what he is wanting though instead of closing up. 

We rent from bluedoor.com - they have a ton of instructional sex DVD's to spice up your sex life too. Just some thoughts.


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## workin' (Jun 3, 2010)

Julia,
i wish you would have posted this, with your other thread. http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general-relationship-discussion/18687-how-fall-back-love-hubby.html

It gives much more information. Your husband's dependence on alcohol could also be a major factor. I certainly wouldn't keep trying...with reactions like that! And..no man would either.


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