# NewlyWeds and oral



## MarkD97 (Aug 26, 2021)

my wife has never been a lover of receiving oral , her reasoning is that not everyone likes it , I understood it as being essential for foreplay and heavenly if done correctly , something I maybe need to work on , what are other wives , girlfriends thoughts on this?


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## Trident (May 23, 2018)

Dude if she doesn't want it, it doesn't MATTER how many other women do.

You better start thinking about her wants and needs if you want this thing to go the distance.


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## MarkD97 (Aug 26, 2021)

Trident said:


> Dude if she doesn't want it, it doesn't MATTER how many other women do.
> 
> You better start thinking about her wants and needs if you want this thing to go the distance.


OK , not a dealbreaker for me but secretly she has had bad experiences with ex boyfriends which I suspect is the real reason.


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## Trident (May 23, 2018)

MarkD97 said:


> OK , not a dealbreaker for me


Well that's a relief.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

MarkD97 said:


> OK , not a dealbreaker for me but secretly she has had bad experiences with ex boyfriends which I suspect is the real reason.


Give it time, but don't pressure her. I've been with the same woman for 34 years and I can say for a fact that a woman's sexual interests can change over time. My wife's interest in receiving oral has varied a lot over the years. Over the past year or so she hasn't had much desire for it again. I think her biggest hang-up is she doesn't like kissing after I've been going down on her. She would rather have me passionately kissing her than going down on her. It is what she likes, so that's what she gets. As long as the list of things she doesn't want to do remains small and doesn't keep growing over time all should be good. Just go with the flow.


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## MarkD97 (Aug 26, 2021)

I would dearly love to be able to pleasure her that way , i am inexperienced myself so there is learning process involved but i gather if done correctly it can be perfect for foreplay


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

MarkD97 said:


> my wife has never been a lover of receiving oral , her reasoning is that not everyone likes it , I understood it as being essential for foreplay and heavenly if done correctly , something I maybe need to work on , what are other wives , girlfriends thoughts on this?


Of course it's not essential, where did you get that idea from? Everyone is different and likes different things.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

MarkD97 said:


> I would dearly love to be able to pleasure her that way , i am inexperienced myself so there is learning process involved but i gather if done correctly it can be perfect for foreplay


She doesn't like it so do other things.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

MarkD97 said:


> OK , not a dealbreaker for me but secretly she has had bad experiences with ex boyfriends which I suspect is the real reason.


It may be nothing to do with past boyfriends, she may just prefer other things.


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## MarkD97 (Aug 26, 2021)

She sometimes finds it hard to `let go` and to climax , just thinking that oral is a good answer if could be done


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## Hiner112 (Nov 17, 2019)

MarkD97 said:


> I would dearly love to be able to pleasure her that way , i am inexperienced myself so there is learning process involved but i gather if done correctly it can be *perfect for foreplay*


It is more coreplay, in general. A majority of women do not orgasm without direct clitoral stimulation. That is usually going to be a hand or mouth. You should usually be ensuring that she gets hers every time you get yours. She Comes First is a fairly thorough guide for beginners.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

If she isn’t interested in oral, get a bullet vibrator.


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## MarkD97 (Aug 26, 2021)

I am interested in that book which I was not aware of as being available , without TMI the times she has had oral from ex boyfriends I believe the sensations were maybe too much too sensitive and maybe she been rushed rather than time being taken and just `enjoying` if that is correct word for it , maybe a bullet is the answer but does this give the same result


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

MarkD97 said:


> maybe a bullet is the answer but does this give the same result


I can’t recall a single time where my wife has grabbed a bullet vibrator and failed to have an orgasm especially when combined with PIV (her preference). 

You can argue quality and such but I can only go by what she says and the sounds and convulsions she makes and it seems good to me and she has none of the hang ups she now has about receiving oral.

Using my hands and maybe pelvis she has little patience for unless we don’t have a vibrator handy.


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## TAMAT (Jun 20, 2015)

Mark,

I think your question for your Wife is did she enjoy oral with someone else, but doesn't want it from you.

At the root of that question is another question did she marry you as a 2nd choice, and was she actually more sexual with her ex'es but didn't marry them because they were financially unstable etc, sexually speaking were they better than you....

I asked my Wife if she enjoyed receiving oral from someone else and orgasmed from it, and she said no. 

It would have been very close to a deal breaker with me.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

MarkD97 said:


> my wife has never been a lover of receiving oral , her reasoning is that not everyone likes it , I understood it as being essential for foreplay and heavenly if done correctly , something I maybe need to work on , what are other wives , girlfriends thoughts on this?


Stop doing it if she doesn't like it. Use your fingers instead. Not everyone likes someone touching their feet either, or their boobs.


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## MarkD97 (Aug 26, 2021)

Our love life is vanilla to be honest neither myself or my wife are overly experienced , maybe a bullet is the answer , she climaxes rarely , which is why I suggesting the oral knowing that it can result in powerful climax if done properly , maybe a bullet is best idea


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## MarkD97 (Aug 26, 2021)

I have tried fingers inside , hoping to trigger her G spot , the come hither finger technique but with little success and maybe my inexperience too


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

Have her show you how she gets herself off or guide you rather than probing in the dark. Another thing to try is a position like cowgirl where she can control all the parameters of penetration as well as external friction.


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## MarkD97 (Aug 26, 2021)

We do missionary , tried cowgirl but she found the movements awkward and there is or does appear to be a correct technique for doing that which not perfected yet so she doesnt go for long enough in that position to build up to climax , missionary is by far easier but probably not hitting the spots it should be hitting I guess


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

MarkD97 said:


> I have tried fingers inside , hoping to trigger her G spot , the come hither finger technique but with little success and maybe my inexperience too


Inside? Her hot button is on her clit on the outside. Targeting that is what most women need to get off. 

Try just kissing her mouth sometime while rubbing her clitoris at the same time. If she starts getting excited, keep doing what you're doing at that moment. If she doesn't (give it a few minutes) you can always ask her to move your hand/fingers the way that feels good to her. 

There are a lot of reasons someone might not like oral, hypothetically. Could be they just want your face in their face kissing you instead because that's more romantic or doesn't make them feel conspicuous, or something like that. Could be they just really don't like the wetness of it all. Some men will do oral solely to then expect the woman to do oral on them, so they may just avoid the whole thing since a lot of women don't like giving oral. 

I think a lot of men don't realize that a lot of women really enjoy basic kissing and caressing more than the fancier stuff because it's just more connected and loving.


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## MarkD97 (Aug 26, 2021)

My understanding that a finger inside and massaging the clit at the same time can make a girl go crazy , something that cannot be achieved by doing vanilla missionary , doing the cowgirl should give both internal and external stimulation resulting in powerful climax , we just need more practice I guess , is the hip rolling technique best for cowgirl rather than up \ down movement , it looks to have less wear on legs ?


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## Chaotic (Jul 6, 2013)

Since other people have recommended books, I'll jump in and recommend The Guide to Getting It On by Joannides. It's a fun read and has lots of pointers for oral and hand jobs for both sexes. As far as what women like, your best bet is to experiment with your wife and find out what SHE likes. Every woman is a little different, just like every man is. Some women love a finger inside doing that "come hither" gesture, but some don't like that at all. Some men like their balls squeezed hard, some are horrified at the idea. Find out what YOUR wife likes and have fun finding out


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

MarkD97 said:


> My understanding that a finger inside and massaging the clit at the same time can make a girl go crazy , something that cannot be achieved by doing vanilla missionary , doing the cowgirl should give both internal and external stimulation resulting in powerful climax , we just need more practice I guess , is the hip rolling technique best for cowgirl rather than up \ down movement , it looks to have less wear on legs ?


The woman does all the work in an on-top position. Some like it, some don't. And it doesn't necessarily work for orgasm. I mean, so much depends on sizes and fit to get traction, and traction is what's needed (clitoral). 

If you want her on top, try doing it in an armchair so she has something to hold onto at least. There is no one formula because everyone is different and all fit is different and all angles. Let's hope she is a skilled masturbator so she herself knows what gives her an orgasm and can share that valuable info with you!


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

MarkD97 said:


> I understood it as being essential for foreplay and heavenly if done correctly , something I maybe need to work on , what are other wives , girlfriends thoughts on this?


I suggest you start learning about a woman's body. Someone who doesn't know what he's doing just makes for a boring time while she writes out her shopping list mentally. Either you're doing it wrong or you're being way too rough or your whiskers are cutting up her nether-regions.

Go read some books and look at some videos. Then try it again. When done correctly, you'll likely change her mind.


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## MarkD97 (Aug 26, 2021)

point taken , have looked at videos but they make it look all so easy , just want to see my wife have an enjoyable climax once in a while , I am slightly more experienced than her but have to accept that some girls just take more effort in getting off.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

And as a newlywed, just remember that to a woman, genuine affection and attention are still the biggest thing that is going to make her happy. Inexperienced people may take a long time to really get rolling, and putting too much emphasis on the mechanics of it could be off-putting to her. If she loves you, love is what she wants most. And never forget that for a woman, orgasm and desire are guided by the brain more than the body. If she gets disgruntled for some reason and loses the love a little, that can make it where no matter what you do, she's not getting off. So just don't lose sight of affection and consideration and simple kissing and holding.


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## MarkD97 (Aug 26, 2021)

Yes , kissing and holding are magical so agree on that , but seeing a lady convulse and go crazy in climax is magical too .


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

MarkD97 said:


> Yes , kissing and holding are magical so agree on that , but seeing a lady convulse and go crazy in climax is magical too .


Point being that kissing and holding are often the key to orgasm indirectly at least! Otherwise, it can get kind of mechanical.


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## MarkD97 (Aug 26, 2021)

just out of interest my wife is 24 years old , if i put a finger into her doing the come hither thing and did locate her G spot then should i get some sort of reaction , should it definetely send some sort of weird or wonderful sensation through her ?


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

MarkD97 said:


> just out of interest my wife is 24 years old , if i put a finger into her doing the come hither thing and did locate her G spot then should i get some sort of reaction , should it definetely send some sort of weird or wonderful sensation through her ?


Get the book referenced above, or better yet consult Reddit, it’s full of young folks like yourselves trying to figure out g spot orgasms.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

MarkD97 said:


> just out of interest my wife is 24 years old , if i put a finger into her doing the come hither thing and did locate her G spot then should i get some sort of reaction , should it definetely send some sort of weird or wonderful sensation through her ?


Not everyone has much sensation in their vagina. Some do, with enough girth and the right speed. But the clitoris is where women mostly get off. Even a lot of women who get off doing intercourse, it may be because they are getting friction to the clitoris, but that depends on size, angle of both people. It's just not the center of sensation. 

If she is really into you, just kissing her would get her breathing heavy and a desire reaction and she would get moist. How long had you two been dating? It's not an arranged marriage, is it? While dating, she you two get hot and heavy just making out? If not, don't expect that to change now.


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## MarkD97 (Aug 26, 2021)

we married for 2 months , dating two years before that .


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

So was she desirous of you during that time? Was she wanting to kiss a lot?


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## MarkD97 (Aug 26, 2021)

oh yes sure , we didnt sleep together lots though as lived with parents


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

MarkD97 said:


> just out of interest my wife is 24 years old , if i put a finger into her doing the come hither thing and did locate her G spot then should i get some sort of reaction , should it definetely send some sort of weird or wonderful sensation through her ?


I like the G-spot trigger but it is most effective when combined with clitoral stimulus.

The come hither thing for me creates a sort of pressure that doesn't in and of it's self make me orgasm but added to some clitoral stimulation in this case oral but could be something else it greatly enhances the effect.

Also for me it isn't come hither so much as press release, press release. kind of like any pulsing vibe.


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## 342693 (Mar 2, 2020)

I think some women are very self-conscious about that part of their body, so they can’t relax enough to enjoy oral. 

Buddy of mine could never talk his wife into it (they were in mid 40’s, newly married, 2nd marriage for both). Until one weekend, he talked her into smoking weed, which they never did, and she left him go down on her. After that, she gradually let him do it more and more (not high). And it really changed their sex life.

Not saying get your wife high, but it’s not always a lack of interest or that the guy doesn’t know what he’s doing.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

MarkD97 said:


> we married for 2 months , dating two years before that .





MarkD97 said:


> point taken , have looked at videos but they make it look all so easy , just want to see my wife have an enjoyable climax once in a while , I am slightly more experienced than her but have to accept that some girls just take more effort in getting off.


Mark,

First of all, work with your wife on finding out what she likes sexually. After about 35 years of marriage, my wife and I went to a sex therapist. A sex therapist is a marriage counselor who has taken extra training to help people with sexual problems. They know how to break down communication barriers, to provide educational materials and to suggest exercises that you and your wife can do to emotionally and sexually connect. Really good sex should be fun, playful and exploratory. It absolutely should not be about one partner trying to pressure the other into something they are uncomfortable doing. It should not be about counting the number of orgasms your wife has a month.

She is your wife. Listen to what she tells you. She has told you she doesn't want to do oral sex. Live with it. Accept it.

You need to understand that you cannot change your wife or her beliefs. Only she can change herself. You can give positive feedback to support changes she makes. You can ask her to change, but you cannot force her to change.

Good luck.

P.S. The Sex Therapist we went to provided us with some videos to watch. They were mostly to get us to talk about things. The videos were not "porn" like you find on the internet. Don't try to learn about sex from watching porn.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

MarkD97 said:


> We do missionary , tried cowgirl but she found the movements awkward and there is or does appear to be a correct technique for doing that which not perfected yet so she doesnt go for long enough in that position to build up to climax , missionary is by far easier but probably not hitting the spots it should be hitting I guess


We have a wedge pillow that makes ordinary positions extraordinary. It is amazing what a slight angle change can do. The Liberator is a popular one, but expensive. I found one with the exact same dimensions on Amazon. I highly recommend it.




MarkD97 said:


> My understanding that a finger inside and massaging the clit at the same time can make a girl go crazy , something that cannot be achieved by doing vanilla missionary , doing the cowgirl should give both internal and external stimulation resulting in powerful climax , we just need more practice I guess , is the hip rolling technique best for cowgirl rather than up \ down movement , it looks to have less wear on legs ?


As much as I wish we could just have the one perfect formula for making a woman orgasm, that just isn't the case. You are correct that front to back movements, not up and down are "supposed" to work the best for orgasm in the cowgirl position, but like I said, not everyone is the same. My wife doesn't care for direct clitoral stimulation. In fact when I do it too much she will stop me. She likes the cow girl position, but she rarely orgasms in that position. She prefer so variation of missionary for achieving orgasm. You have to find what works for her. 

Be careful about using anything like porn to learn. Although it can be useful sometimes, it can set expectations that will never be achieved in a real sexual relationship. 

Also, do not obsess about her having an orgasm. It can backfire. I've talked to my wife about this. She can tell if I'm trying too hard to get her off. She feeds into my excitement and she gets more of that when I'm just enjoying myself and the moment, not having a specific goal of making her orgasm.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

OP, please be aware that the g-spot is not some magical button one can push that will immediately trigger an orgasm. It is not. In fact, if you're penetrating your wife with your fingers before she's sufficiently aroused, it probably doesn't even feel all that pleasant, much less orgasmic. So, I'd say that until you figure out how to get your wife hot "externally", keep your fingers out of her internal bits entirely. Focus on her clitoris. Use your fingers, your mouth if she'll let you, or a vibrating toy. Bring her to orgasm once before you even think about sticking your fingers inside. 

Otherwise, what you're doing likely feels more like a pelvic exam than like the sexy playtime you're imagining.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

MarkD97 said:


> She sometimes finds it hard to `let go` and to climax , just thinking that oral is a good answer if could be done


Lots of women have a hard time getting out of their head to just relax, let go, and feel. Try sensate focus, maybe?



MarkD97 said:


> I believe the sensations were maybe too much too sensitive and maybe she been rushed rather than time being taken and just `enjoying` if that is correct word for it , maybe a bullet is the answer but does this give the same result


First, a woman usually needs to already be aroused before touching her genitals becomes pleasurable. If unaroused it can feel unpleasant. Same with the internal g spot. If unaroused beforehand it's not great and possibly undomfortable to have that bundle of nerves fondled.

Second, some women are simply very sensitive and direct oral genital stimulation is uncomfortable. That's just how they are wired.

Which one is your wife? Is she just too sensitive? Is she just not properly aroused before you attempt oral? Is she a combination of not properly aroused and self conscious/in her head/expecting it to be uncomfrotable? You have to really talk about it to find out.



MarkD97 said:


> We do missionary , tried cowgirl but she found the movements awkward and there is or does appear to be a correct technique for doing that which not perfected yet so she doesnt go for long enough in that position to build up to climax , missionary is by far easier but probably not hitting the spots it should be hitting I guess


Keep practicing and try other positions and variations of positions, as well. Angles ARE important. Very, very, important. Usually, women have an easier time reaching orgasm when they are on top and can control the angle, speed, etc. So, encourage her to learn how to be on top, what feels good when she's up there, and what angles work best so you can translate that to other positions for variety.


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## MarkD97 (Aug 26, 2021)

MJJEAN said:


> Lots of women have a hard time getting out of their head to just relax, let go, and feel. Try sensate focus, maybe?
> 
> 
> 
> ...


On top is harder than it looks and mastering the technique , I guess gentle hip rocking (rolling) back and forth would work better than going vigorously or is it better to go vigorous towards the end , I guess it is up to her to find the spots which get her off , I always thought women love it on top and again build up explosive climaxes.


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## Nailhead (Sep 21, 2020)

MarkD97 said:


> my wife has never been a lover of receiving oral , her reasoning is that not everyone likes it , I understood it as being essential for foreplay and heavenly if done correctly , something I maybe need to work on , what are other wives , girlfriends thoughts on this?


You best bet is to do things that work for her. Slowly introduce other activity(oral) as you both grow sexually comfortable with each other. This is how my wife and I handled it. It has become a freak flag show as a result.


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

MarkD97 said:


> On top is harder than it looks and mastering the technique , I guess gentle hip rocking (rolling) back and forth would work better than going vigorously or is it better to go vigorous towards the end , I guess it is up to her to find the spots which get her off , I always thought women love it on top and again build up explosive climaxes.


I don't know about other women but I don't like on top. I find that I can't let go enough to get my orgasm and if I get close my muscle then don't want to work so then as I start to clinch up and stop moving the orgasm fades.

Missionary is useless. 

I am a fan of the wedge referenced earlier but be aware most women do not climax by penetration with a penis alone.


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## DudeInProgress (Jun 10, 2019)

MarkD97 said:


> just out of interest my wife is 24 years old , if i put a finger into her doing the come hither thing and did locate her G spot then should i get some sort of reaction , should it definetely send some sort of weird or wonderful sensation through her ?


Dude, start with the basics first (gentle, teasing and escalating clit stimulation to get her off, maybe combined with nipple stimulation) and master those before worrying about g-spot stimulation, etc.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

MarkD97 said:


> On top is harder than it looks and mastering the technique , I guess gentle hip rocking (rolling) back and forth would work better than going vigorously or is it better to go vigorous towards the end ,* I guess it is up to her to find the spots which get her off ,* I always thought women love it on top and again build up explosive climaxes.


She has to know her body well enough to know what works. If she doesn't, she will need to try different movement, angles, pace, etc. A lot of fun to be had with that. I think the reason her being on top usually works better because the woman can control what feels good for her in every respect, and at least for me helps slow me down somewhat. Maybe you mentioned, but would she consider a small vibrator to help her?


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

MarkD97 said:


> I would dearly love to be able to pleasure her that way , i am inexperienced myself so there is learning process involved but i gather if done correctly it can be perfect for foreplay


Watch some david black videos on utube. He is Brit or Aussie. Tries some of his techniques. Drove my wife wild. Watch CaitlinV podcast too. I learned some things from her. My wife is a very happy girl.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

if she does not want it, she does not want it.

about your only hope is that she wrongly feels it does not taste good, or smells, or something like that, and you might convince her that YOU truly love that taste. but even that is a long shot

i am curious, have you ever tried oral while in a swimming pool? maybe she would be less uptight about it then


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## Trident (May 23, 2018)

Talker67 said:


> i am curious, have you ever tried oral while in a swimming pool? maybe she would be less uptight about it then


Breathing could be problematic.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

MarkD97 said:


> Our love life is vanilla to be honest neither myself or my wife are overly experienced , maybe a bullet is the answer , she climaxes rarely , which is why I suggesting the oral knowing that it can result in powerful climax if done properly , maybe a bullet is best idea


It is wonderful for both of you trying find what is enjoyable, gaining experience and skill with one another. Assume you both give and receive feedback on what feels good and what doesn't; what you both want to try and what want to save for another time. You are building a strong pair bond that will help weather tough times sure to come, as they do for every couple. This is a time you will both cherish years from now.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

Trident said:


> Breathing could be problematic.


no no no.

She holds her hands on the edge of the pool, and lets her body float up.
he spreads her floating legs apart, and slowly starts to lick her lips and clit. 

works in a hot tub too!


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## Volunteer86 (Aug 2, 2017)

I had about the same conservation with my wife, she said when she was first being sexually active she didn't like it, but now says she loves it. Don't pressure maybe she will come around.


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## Trident (May 23, 2018)

Talker67 said:


> She holds her hands on the edge of the pool, and lets her body float up.
> he spreads her floating legs apart, and slowly starts to lick her lips and clit.


I'm going to naturally assume this technique is not recommended for public pools.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

Trident said:


> I'm going to naturally assume this technique is not recommended for public pools.


i don't know about that. I would watch!


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## CatholicDad (Oct 30, 2017)

The techniques are insignificant but what’s not is that she goes away satisfied. Getting rev’d up over and over without some “completion” will damage the relationship over time. The frustrated party will eventually shut down.

I think your enthusiasm towards her satisfaction will probably be a leading indicator of your success. If you truly just enjoy pleasing her... you almost can’t fail. Improved techniques come from experience with her- not from watching pornographic videos (gross 🤢). In my experience though as an older, happily married man- oral always works... although my wife will politely waive me off from that though if she think she’s not clean enough. Otherwise, I’d be down for that every time because it’s fun, easy and effective.


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## 351147 (Sep 2, 2021)

Year ago when my wife and I first met (we were teenagers at the time) she enjoyed oral sex performed on her, but never wanted to perform it on me. 

Fast forward 20+ years and she's grossed out by the though of me going down on her, however she goes down on me if I ask nicely  

For some women, it's not their thing.


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