# sex in marriage



## mrmrder (Aug 9, 2009)

i am 67,she is 62 i have the drive of a teenager,she claims not to have one..help..joe


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## carmaenforcer (Mar 7, 2008)

The problem might not be in your drive of a teenager but in your body of a sixty year old.
First off, men (in general terms) have a huge drop in libido in the older years and or might need some help from a little blue pill.
Second, if you did have the body of a teenager to match the sex drive, then there would probably be no issue to speak of.

You see, us men are visual and need to be pleased visually to elicit a physical response. 

No matter how old or nasty the man is, that has no barring on who he wants or finds attractive.

Try porno so that he might have something to get excited about and then you can benefit from that excitement or try
"the little blue pill"
also, have you tried a BJ to get the mood right, or are you one of those women that doesn't like that?

Good luck...


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## Blonddeee (Dec 17, 2008)

carmaenforcer-I think he is the guy wanting more and she is the woman... I think you have it mixed up


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## carmaenforcer (Mar 7, 2008)

OMG *Blonddeee*, you are absolutely right!

My apologies to the Original Poster for my mix up.

Well if it's a woman not wanting sex at her age, I have no idea, then. 
I can't figure out my Wife's sexual hang-ups and she's only 24 yo.

Good luck man, but you might want to consider what I am contemplating on doing myself, "Professional" help.

If you know what I mean. Life is too short, especially at 67, you might not have long enough to wait on her to get around to "it" on her own.


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## nightshade (Mar 4, 2009)

carmaenforcer said:


> OMG *Blonddeee*, you are absolutely right!
> 
> My apologies to the Original Poster for my mix up.
> 
> ...


What _do_ you mean?


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## carmaenforcer (Mar 7, 2008)

Professional help? 

If the Wife or supposed partner is unwilling to do the deed, and there is no good reason for her not taking care of business then a man should get his needs met elsewhere by someone that knows what a man need and is willing to give it to him, without all the head aches of having to jump through hoops for nothing.

Even if it costs money to get it. There are women out there that will fill this need without all the BS.


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## poetprose (Sep 1, 2009)

carmaenforcer said:


> The problem might not be in your drive of a teenager but in your body of a sixty year old.
> First off, men (in general terms) have a huge drop in libido in the older years and or might need some help from a little blue pill.
> Second, if you did have the body of a teenager to match the sex drive, then there would probably be no issue to speak of.
> 
> ...


do not turn to porn..... it will only enhance your sex drive!! (and we know you do not need that*) 
and make the issue much more complicated

hate to say it but if you love your wife .. and she is not at your sexual level, i am afraid you may just have to take a few cold showers )


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

poetprose said:


> do not turn to porn..... it will only enhance your sex drive!! (and we know you do not need that*)
> and make the issue much more complicated
> 
> hate to say it but if you love your wife .. and she is not at your sexual level, i am afraid you may just have to take a few cold showers )


So the solution to not being satisfied sexually in the marriage is to accept not having sex?

Am I missing something?


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## Tootsiepop (Sep 7, 2009)

Well, there's a disconnect again...He wants it more; she less, regardless of age.

I think compromise might be a good idea. No sex is not the answer, going elsewhere is not the answer, checking our porn is not the answer either. How about asking her to meet you half way? And there is alot of different ways to have sex. 

Is there a reason she doesn't want to be intimate? Just no desire? Well, maybe she needs to see her Dr. too, to rule our anything physical, hormonal, etc. If you're still great partners and emotionally intimate, then I would think she will want to do whatever to help the sexual side of your marriage too.


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## carmaenforcer (Mar 7, 2008)

michzz said:


> So the solution to not being satisfied sexually in the marriage is to accept not having sex?
> 
> Am I missing something?


I think what you are "missing" is the logical reasoning behind that statement, because there is no "logic" to it.

Women would "LOVE" it if us men just sit back and take the sexlessness because that way they can keep using the sex as a weapon thing, that they have used since the dawn of time, I'm sure.

If we (men) got "it" elsewhere why would we put up with half their isht, right.


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## nightshade (Mar 4, 2009)

carmaenforcer said:


> I think what you are "missing" is the logical reasoning behind that statement, because there is no "logic" to it.
> 
> Women would "LOVE" it if us men just sit back and take the sexlessness because that way they can keep using the sex as a weapon thing, that they have used since the dawn of time, I'm sure.
> 
> If we (men) got "it" elsewhere why would we put up with half their isht, right.


Hmm. You seem to have a very enlightened view of women.


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## carmaenforcer (Mar 7, 2008)

:rofl:

I wish, but I have enough of a problem trying to understand my own Wife, let alone ever claim to have but a pedestrian grasp of all the complications and contradictions that is woman.

I am forever learning though, much thanks to the enlightenment of forum members.

It's amazing how many people have similar issues and how they choose to deal with them and their ultimate consequences. 

I too, will document the results of my social experiment that I am trying out in my relationship and chronicle what happened to me as a result, positive or negative, hopefully someone else can learn from my example and maybe be motivated to take action in their own lives.


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## TNgirl232 (Oct 5, 2008)

mrmrder - Have you talked to her at all about this? Maybe try counseling?

carmaenforcer - what I see happening is STD's and Divorce court. Just do your wife a favor - if you decide to go to a "Professional" (and I use that term loosely) - don't ever have sex with her again. She doesn't need the risk of contracting something from you.


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

TNgirl232 said:


> mrmrder - Have you talked to her at all about this? Maybe try counseling?
> 
> carmaenforcer - what I see happening is STD's and Divorce court. Just do your wife a favor - if you decide to go to a "Professional" (and I use that term loosely) - don't ever have sex with her again. She doesn't need the risk of contracting something from you.



from what i have read she aint giving so she is safe


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

nightshade said:


> Hmm. You seem to have a very enlightened view of women.


He was responding to what I wrote. 

maybe you can clue me in, just what was I missing?



michzz said:


> So the solution to not being satisfied sexually in the marriage is to accept not having sex?
> 
> Am I missing something?





carmaenforcer said:


> I think what you are "missing" is the logical reasoning behind that statement, because there is no "logic" to it.
> 
> Women would "LOVE" it if us men just sit back and take the sexlessness because that way they can keep using the sex as a weapon thing, that they have used since the dawn of time, I'm sure.
> 
> If we (men) got "it" elsewhere why would we put up with half their isht, right.


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## QuitaBee (Aug 11, 2009)

Well it all depends on the person (not the sex(male/female)). Because I am married (now separated) to a *man *who wanted it like once every three or four weeks and that was no nearly enough for me (and he is only 25). Some people have high drives or maybe there is no such thing as a low or high drive maybe you just need to be with someone who matches your needs sexually (NOT REFERRING TO YOUR SITUATION).

Your situation...has this been recent that she has been disinterested?? Was it always like this?? If this is a sudden change then discuss this with your wife. Let her know its important to you. Some people, especially women don't see how something like this can damage a great relationship because they view sex as optional or like an extracurricular activity. I view it as a way to be intimate with my significant other,romance, fun, stress/tension relief, good for my health. Some people see it as maintenance...either way let her know that its important to you, and if she cares then it will be important to her. If she just doesnt have the want, maybe she should see a doctor.


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## carmaenforcer (Mar 7, 2008)

*QuitaBee*, I assume that your question was directed to the original poster.

Just for a re-cap on how I arrived at "my" situation though, to serve as a reference for those wanting to respond about my situation and would like "the facts".

My Wife has an issue with pot, something to do with an ex boy friend that she left to be with me and who used to smoke pot. 

I have been a pot enthusiast, proponent for most of my life, I now have a medical condition that allows me to ingest pot medicinally, meaning that the problem with the local/state "law" (Cali) make it so that I am "not" breaking a law.
I am not sympathetic to her wishes not being met because she has disregarded for years my feelings and wishes on how she interacts with guys at her work. 
My idea of appropriate behavior with male co-workers when you are married, being ignored and not being considered lead to my attitude. 

Knowing that she is anti-pot and wishing to respect our home I kept it out of the apt for the most part but have to bring my piece (pipe) into the house every now and then to re-load. 
On one of those occasions I got caught with it in the house and she had a fit, taking away sex as a punishment at first and since has claimed to not having gotten over "what I've done to her". 

Fair enough, I agreed and so left her alone until I found out that she had been doing shady stuff behind my back.
I had always suspected that the inappropriate behavior with her male co-workers was still going on, her closing her Facebook account out and giving me a lame excuse as to her reason for closing it, let me to investigate further and I found out that she had been lying to me too.

I confronted her about this and her attitude towards me changed, she then was all over me but I was not ready to have sex with her because now I'm disgusted with her touch.

Before Marriage and a baby we used to do it all the time, I used to even get head. All that changed to the after marriage usual of once every couple of months, three max between sessions.
So I'm used to not doing it that often, and she completely stopped BJ's after marriage except for once or maybe twice a year and never till finish. Sex since marriage has sucked anyway and so I don't really care about her not wanting to give it to me, it's just the principle at this point.

In response to the rest that had the comment about not bringing home a disease from visiting a professional.
No, worries there, I will be going to a state where they regulate and the women are tested, plus I will use a condom.
Besides, just for the record, she is the one that has cheated on me before and didn't bother asking that guy to wear a condom, I didn't get a disease (thankfully) but she did get pregnant and didn't know who's it was, luck for all of us that she had a miscarriage and so we didn't have to go on a talk show to find out who the father was.


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## QuitaBee (Aug 11, 2009)

carmaenforcer said:


> *QuitaBee*, I assume that your question was directed to the original poster.
> 
> Just for a re-cap on how I arrived at "my" situation though, to serve as a reference for those wanting to respond about my situation and would like "the facts".
> 
> ...


WOW!!!!! Right a book...seriously....<----this is not sarcasm


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## Lizzie60 (Sep 13, 2009)

I know, because I'm a woman, that MOST women lose their libido as they age... and WHEN they've been with the same man forever.. men don't but women do.. must be the testosterone.. :lol:

I bet anything that if she would fall for a new guy her libido would be back and just as strong as a teenager.. :smthumbup:

Trust me.. I know.. I am in my mid 50s... and my libido is higher than ever.. but I'm single.. and very active sexually.

To go outside your marriage is an alternative.. if you're willing to 'gamble' your marriage or if you're being extremely careful about it.. I bet you don't want to find yourself splitting half of everything and start all over again.. 

I am a massage therapist (and will do more if asked)... and most of 'my' guys are married and have been coming over for the past 7 years.. (from when I started)... 

Lots of men do it.. you won't be the first and certainly not the last.. 

You can have a serious talk with her.. but I doubt anything will change.. sex is the last thing on her mind..


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## carmaenforcer (Mar 7, 2008)

*Lizzie60* 

I know that this is a common problem, but it still bothers me that it even exists or that women (the ones married to these men) act like this dynamic doesn't exist. 

I guess maybe these guys that come to you for this extra service aren't bothering their women about sex anymore, huh.

See, problem solved. 

I saw this episode of that show that spotlighted the bunny ranch, showed the inner workings of the brothel, and those women also said that a lot of "married" guys went to them for BJ's, because their women won't. 

That was me at one point, not I think I need more.

Whatever the case, sex is just sex for most of us men and so can be done as part of a massage session without it ever affecting their "love/feelings" for their wives. 
Man, I see it now, a relaxing massage and make it home in time to cook dinner for the Wife that never learned to cook, play with my baby because she just ignores him and go to bed without bothering my her for sex. 
Wow, I honestly envy your clients. 
I hope I can get that kind of situation going someday for myself. 
I think my Wife would benefit from my less stressed daminer and I can move forward being the good husband I have been already but without feeling like a sucker.


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## Lizzie60 (Sep 13, 2009)

Yes some men only want BJs cause they had it in the first months and never got them after... LOL

and yes.. when they are 'regulars' I think it solves their problem about sex at home.. they don,t have to nag about it anymore.. they get it on the side.. with a woman they trust and enjoy sex with... 

and us... the OWs can be kinky.. we dress up in sexy lingerie.. put on nice soft music, candles... perfume.. etc.. and we do things with them that they haven't done in ages... 

It's all good.. for everyone.. I guess... 

Like you say.. sex is sex.. for most men.. they don't get emotionally involved with me.. but some do.. (they eventually leave)... and some just get very close.. like a 'best friend' with benefit$ kind of relationship... it's all good.


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## carmaenforcer (Mar 7, 2008)

Well what ever the case, I can honestly say that you have brightened up my otherwise drab existence with your open mindedness and willingness to do something positive. 

You are a blessing and I wish there where more women like you.


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## CarolineMRF (Sep 2, 2009)

Lizzie60 said:


> I know, because I'm a woman, that MOST women lose their libido as they age... and WHEN they've been with the same man forever.. men don't but women do.. must be the testosterone.. :lol:
> 
> I bet anything that if she would fall for a new guy her libido would be back and just as strong as a teenager.. :smthumbup:
> 
> ...


I, too am a woman....In my eyes you are wrong about a woman losing her libido as she age's...Maybe your friends do, but mine sure don't...Then you say that they do when they have been with the same guy forever....Sorry, here you are wrong again...I have been with mine forever and things are hotter than hot...Oh, and one more correction, it is a man's power of erection that slows down...He may have libido and far too many of them get too fat and have a hard time getting it up...Fortunately, some older women help their husband's along this line...This way, they don't need a pill....I guess I disagree with you on these points....:scratchhead:

Now about believing in you because you are single and very active, here I will accept your word as it is important for you to believe in yourself...However, I am sure that most of the sexually active women on this Forum feel the same...We are all hot to trot........


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## losing it (Sep 15, 2009)

You don't say how your marriage is otherwise so I'll just assume it isn't what it could be.

Try making her feel loved, atractive, appreciated and special. Try giving her that special look that use to turn her on.

Be romantic. Maybe flowers or a box of chocolates.

Sex doesn't start in the bedroom for a woman especially as we get older. It starts in the kitchen or livingroom.

Try a hug in the kitchen, a foot massage in the livingroom, a back rub in the bedroom and who knows what you might get massaged.

If you think it's too much trouble then massage yourself. If you think it's too much trouble you probably don't care whether she gets pleasure or not and that might be part of the problem. No woman wants to go to a party and not have fun.

This is coming from a sexy old woman with a great body with an old man that knows how to appreciate what we do for eachother in the sex department. Now if we could just get the rest of it right!


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

losing it said:


> You don't say how your marriage is otherwise so I'll just assume it isn't what it could be.
> 
> Try making her feel loved, atractive, appreciated and special. Try giving her that special look that use to turn her on.
> 
> ...



all nice ideas, but ya need a willing partner to be receptive to the treatment and in my case, none of that worked so i stopped. some women (certainly not all) just need to realize that cutting men off (figuratively) and holding back sex just doesn't work and that they need to bring something to the table if they want a happy marriage. now i know this assumes alot so it is kind of a general statement. but assuming that your man is a good husband and ya just dont **** him, then its just gonna end up bad.

there is also little doubt in my mind that withholding sex is just a tactic to possibly force the end of a marriage for whatever reason. i know my neighbor went through this for years with his wife, she just never did him and their religous affiliation was strict against infidelity and would only allow divorce if infidelity occurred, so he wouldnt cheat. they went to counseling and she came clean that she was hoping he would cheat so she could proceed with divorce.

losing it, your basically saying "you take care of her and she will take care of you", but doesnt sex satisfy women too? dont women get pleasure from sex? if the answer is yes then why should a man have to bust his butt to get a reward, thats what i am reading.


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## carmaenforcer (Mar 7, 2008)

*losing it*
Yeah, you know I was actually thinking about that. The fact that I only talk about the bad stuff in my relationship. 
It's probably because I don't need any help with the good parts, and there are enough to stay together apparently.

No, I probably should give praise to my wife's good points. 

-She does love me and I am not easy to love sometimes, so that's something.
-She worries about my health.
-She is really good at doing our bills, my credit score has improved by like 200 points inthe three years that we've been married, that's great.
-She is legitimately sorry about having cheated on me and has been exhibiting some incredible restraint since we've been married, despite her natural propensity towards inappropriate relationships with men. But I think that's not so much for me but because she also doesn't want to be thought of as a *****.
Not so much a selfless act, but it is a positive to our relationship none the less. 
-She is funny and our senses of humor mix well, we're both total dorks and our son is like the us, so that's great.
-She actually surprised me with a BJ a few times before we did it and it wasn't my birthday or fathers day or anything.
This is one of the most meaningful selfless acts that my wife has ever done in her life, I think, because she HATES going down on me. 

That's about it I think. I'll try and periodically sing her praises later when I don't hate her guts.

Now, I

-am a romantic, buy her flowers (actually edible fruit arrangements), cards, plan dates around what she likes to do, yada, yada, yada.
-Do all the cooking
-have been gainfully employed and have taken on a second job to pay bills when my Wife was out of work, a few times. I only have one bill that is mine, so that's all to keep paying her thousands of dollars worth of credit card debt. And not once have I rubbed it in her face that I do that.
-I'm a great lover, I can please her 8-9 times before I allow myself to go once and that's about the end of her ability. 
Not that she appreciates it, I was with a sexually compatible woman for ten years before getting together with my Wife and my Wife is boring in the bed room and uptight sexually.
(I feel like I'm doing a community service when we are doing it sometimes) Not a good feeling.

I was a really nice guy, have been all of my life, always caring and trying to be "like Jesus" but now I have become an evil jerk, in self defense because of my Wife's actions, but a true, take no isht, hit you back harder, hold grudges, love payback, jerk. And I kind of like it.


*okeydokie *



> some women (certainly not all) just need to realize that cutting men off (figuratively) and holding back sex just doesn't work and that they need to bring something to the table if they want a happy marriage.


:iagree:



> assuming that your man is a good husband and ya just dont **** him, then its just gonna end up bad.


:iagree:

I sometimes think that this is my situation too,


> she came clean that she was hoping he would cheat so she could proceed with divorce.


I will never give her a divorce, unless I am ready for it, and hopefully I don't get caught cheating because she won't give it up but I have no religious convictions keeping me from doing any of that. So I'm good. 



> doesnt sex satisfy women too? dont women get pleasure from sex? if the answer is yes then why should a man have to bust his butt to get a reward


EXACTLY!!! I almost want to cum really quick so that she don't get hers but she goes to fast for me and she ends up getting like three or four even when I'm trying to not let her get one. 
So I haven't been able to get mine without her getting her's, but I'm working on it. I think next time I will just stop in the middle of it and before she goes, just to piss her off. 
We'll see who cares about sex then, huh.


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## Harvard (Aug 11, 2009)

how long have you been married to this woman? Has sex always been an issue or is this semi-recent...if your dive is all that well, that's great because I plan on joining you when I hit 67. However, most women your age will not be able to keep up with you so you may need to deal with it. No offense but at 67 you may as well do your best to compromise as tootsiepop said.


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## dobo (Jun 30, 2009)

Lizzie, you're not a massage therapist. You're a prostitute.


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## QuitaBee (Aug 11, 2009)

dobo said:


> Lizzie, you're not a massage therapist. You're a prostitute.


:iagree::lol:


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## italiana86 (Oct 21, 2008)

michzz said:


> So the solution to not being satisfied sexually in the marriage is to accept not having sex?
> 
> Am I missing something?


porn will become an addiction faster as you think. that's why whe wrote that! You might be addicted ... the way how you react.... look on the discovery channel, there are sometime documentaries about it!!!


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## italiana86 (Oct 21, 2008)

Tootsiepop said:


> Well, there's a disconnect again...He wants it more; she less, regardless of age.
> 
> I think compromise might be a good idea. No sex is not the answer, going elsewhere is not the answer, checking our porn is not the answer either. How about asking her to meet you half way? And there is alot of different ways to have sex.
> 
> Is there a reason she doesn't want to be intimate? Just no desire? Well, maybe she needs to see her Dr. too, to rule our anything physical, hormonal, etc. If you're still great partners and emotionally intimate, then I would think she will want to do whatever to help the sexual side of your marriage too.


:iagree:


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## italiana86 (Oct 21, 2008)

QuitaBee said:


> WOW!!!!! Right a book...seriously....<----this is not sarcasm


yes :iagree: but before you do that, you should get healed. you still have a bitter attitude!


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## italiana86 (Oct 21, 2008)

carmaenforcer said:


> *losing it*
> Yeah, you know I was actually thinking about that. The fact that I only talk about the bad stuff in my relationship.
> It's probably because I don't need any help with the good parts, and there are enough to stay together apparently.
> 
> ...


Wow this is the first time I am reading something positive about your wife out of your mouth! (maybe fingers *lol*) You probably were a good man, it is nothing wrong being like Jesus. You are feeding the devil right now. it is sad to see that a Child of God chooses to go that Evil way :scratchhead:


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