# getting husband to help with child



## mandah2386 (Mar 21, 2009)

I am a SAHM so I understand that most of the time I'm going to have my daughter and that's fine, but how do you get your husband to share in taking care of your child when he's home from work and on the weekends? I never get to go anywhere without my daughter, if I go visit a friend I take my daughter, if I go to the store I take my daughter. It's fine most of the time, but I too would like to have time alone by myself or time alone with my girlfriends. My husband works 10 hour days 4 days a week, he's also a volunteer fire fighter. On the days that he's off he's usually gone on a call or sitting on the couch "relaxing". It frustrates me because I would like a break once in a while. When I do go to try to do something by myself and I ask him to watch our daughter for a few hours(Like if I want to get my haircut or something) he'll say "why don't you get my mom or your mom to watch her"? It angers me that he can't take care of his own child by himself.

As we speak he's gone paintballing with his friends and I'm at home taking care of our daughter. He's been gone since 9 this morning and said that he didn't know what time he'd be home tonight. I can understand if he was working or something like that, but when you are hanging out with your friends, the time you leave is in your control. I just wish for once he would be a man and act like he is married with a child(with another on the way!)

We've had this conversation so many times it makes me sick. Last summer he was a full time student, a part time worker, a volunteer fire fighter and an assistant coach for his best friend's son baseball team. He was everywhere but home with us. When I brought it up he got all mad and yelled "FINE i'll just QUIT the fire dept and the softball team" and that's not exactly what I wanted, I just wanted him to relize that we want him home too and that when he's home I want his attention to be on his daughter and not in front of the tv or on the computer trying to "relax" because he was never home. How should I go about this conversation without sounding like a nag, or is it just a lost cause and I just need to suck it up?


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## GAsoccerman (Mar 24, 2008)

May I ask how old are both of you?

Also how old is your daughter?


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## humpty dumpty (Nov 26, 2008)

Im also a stay at home mum with four children 13/11/6 and 3 and i claim at least 2 hours of me time alone time a week ..you need this just to be yourself..
Things came to a head for me when i was in the bath and all i could here was mum...mum...mum...mum...MUM...MUM.. I found myself shouting back you have a dad to !!!!
How about you suggest he takes her to the park once a week just so you can have a bath in peace ..they need to find something they both enjoy doing together ask him what he thinks or simple just say its time for some daddy daughter bonding ill be back in a hour
He probably doesnt realize how being at home 24/7 drives you nuts !! some times im like i need a adult to talk to .
Have a heart to heart with him tell him your just looking for a little me time and even better some family together time to


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## Quiet Storm (Mar 22, 2009)

Hello, everyone needs to have their time alone. If you just "suck it up" it will most likely fester up inside and only amplify when your other child is born. 

How old is your daughter? 

Does he feel uncapable of taking care of him by himself? 

Some men (and women) are afraid of parenting and will shy away from it due to this fear. We'll keep it to men on this one. Some men think that they should be more involved with a son. You know the Father to Son bond. They look to the women (mom) to care for the daughter you know the Mother to Daughter bond. I see that it is very important for both parents to be involved with all of their children. Some even believe that a father's relationship with the daughter is the one of the most important relationships due to the fact that a father will/can show his daughter how a man is supposed to treat women. 

"Watch the kids" - I was in the store the other day and heard a conversation between two men. One of the gentlemen went on two say that he has to baby sit his children. Ding ding! A father or mother does not babysit or watch their child they parent, raise, etc their child. A babysitter or a close relative watches/baby sits your children. This is a stigma that needs to go. I hope this is not the case in your relationship.

Do you and your husband use a babysitter when you go out on dates?

What do the three of you do together (You, your husband, and duaghter)? 

If you approach this as "hey this is your child" it can sometimes be absorbed as a threat or challenge. Find a good time to talk, explain to him that his little girl wants to spend some time with him and let him know that his relationship with her is a very important one. 

The above advice is good. Start off with finding something that he would have fun doing with her (depends on age). When you are wanting to take a nice bath or a simple walk to get some alone time ask him at this time. Short durations at first would be a good way to start. 

I am a father of 2 boys(12 and 10) and 2 girls (5 and 7). We do family things all the time, but I try to do something with them individually each month. I take my daughters out on many "dates". It usually consists of us going to a toy store and then to a pizzeria or other resturuant. Strangley my daughters will come done to my work room and help me fiddle/fix with all my gadgets. So it ends up being fun for me as well.


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