# Just a gut feeling



## bhoward63 (May 10, 2012)

I am new here and I am hoping someone can offer advice. I have been married for 5 years, this is a second marriage for both of us. From day one our relationship has been difficult, lots of arguments that have now escalated into all out screaming matches. The past 6 months have been pretty stressful, our 5 year old son was diagnosed with Autism, we are going through a bankruptcy, and his youngest son from his first marriage came to live with us full time. The last few really bad fights we have had, he said some pretty hurtful things to me; told me that he doesn't care about me, that he can't stand the sight of me, and even called me the "C" word. He has told me at least a dozen times while angry to get out. Needless to say, our relationship is strained, we barely talk to each other. The sex is maybe once a month, if that. He used to have such a huge sex drive, and now he never seems to have any interest at all. To make matters worse, he "lost" his wedding ring the evening of one of those fights, and the loss of that symbol has made me feel even more disconnected from him. My gut is telling me he is cheating, he works long hours and during that time he never makes an effort to contact me at all. During his first marriage he did cheat on his ex-wife, and I am wondering now if his old habits have returned. I am just lost and scared, my mind is consumed with the possibilites.


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## blueskies30 (Jan 27, 2010)

You sound like you have gone through some of the same things I have gone through. My husband is a lot like yours, except this is our first marriage, been together 12 years and married almost 10. We have 3 kids and 2 have autism. My husband also can be very angry and say hurtful things in the heat of anger. I also have a ring issue with my husband. He's never worn his ring really and now I have no clue where it is, but he says it's somewhere in the house and he wants me to look for it. My gut says he flushed it down the toilet or threw it outside or something. 

My husband also has waning sex drive and did before our seperation last year too. During seperation he did cheat. So I have to deal with also being afraid he will get bored or frustrated and leave.
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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

OK, if you're here for advice, I'm going to be honest with you. Your main problem is not wondering whether your husband maybe is having an affair. Your main problem is why your husband is being angry and emotionally abusive with you, and why you two have reached the point of barely speaking. That's what you need to address, because that's a big relationship-killer. If you find that that behavior stems from an affair, then you can start worrying about an affair, but for right now, you've got much bigger problems to worry about.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Why did you marry him if it was bad from day 1?

Did he cheat on his ex-wife with you?


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## blueskies30 (Jan 27, 2010)

My Husbsnd also confessed that he was angry with me and that's why we had a waning sex life before our seperation. Now my husbands sex drive is effected by stress. I agree that you need to find out why he's so angry all the time.

Also I was also wondering if he cheated on his x wife with you too?
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## blueskies30 (Jan 27, 2010)

If you guys can't get along than maybe an agreed seperation is what you need. I wish I had sked my husband for a seperation in the first place before our forces seperation. We were able to communicate much better away from each other for a while than together. I also was so angry at him that I wanted a break from him and his parents.
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