# Wife of 10 years...



## ilovmywife (Jun 19, 2011)

So I've read through most of these posts and cannot find a situation or answers to match my situation. I'll try to keep this short and sweet, but don't want to leave any critical details out. My wife and I have been married for 10 years. I was her first and she was mine. The sex has been good since day one. We have two boys (5 and 2) and we're both happily married/employed.

First problem, even though the sex is great it has to be initiated by me. She doesn't get horny. She doesn't masturbate. If I want sex I have to start it with kissing, foreplay, etc. If i want her in a certain position I have to prompt her into that position. Most people wouldn't complain about this, but after 10 years of it...it gets old.

Second problem, I go away on business every once in a while. Just a few weeks at a time a couple times a year. I bought two laptops and webcams so we could "skype". The kids love it but when I want her to login while the kids are asleep so we can have some private time, her response is "that's gross" and she retorts every time with "I want the real thing."

And the third problem, which kind of goes hand-in-hand with #1, she doesn't masturbate. She knows I masturbate when I need to, a week or so without sex and the time is right. She has never masturbated and thinks it's again "gross" and can't even touch herself, except in the shower when she's washing. While having sex she won't reach down and help out while I'm going down on her, she won't even play with her nipples. We've watched porno and I've commented how hot it would be to watch her masturbate, which she rewards me with a disappointing scowl.

She has told me she's not happy with her body after having two boys. And of course she's gained a little weight. But I love her and I love her body. I tell her that all the time. Just the sight of her still gets my heart pounding and drives me wild. So I don't know what to do...I've lived with it until now. Should I just face the fact of that's just how she is? Should we seek counseling? Is there something I can do to help her come out of her shell? Any input would be appreciated! Thanks.


----------



## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

Hi ilovmywife ~
Today must be the day for posting about non-masturbating, more up-tight wives. There was another poster not that long ago who posted the same kind of thing. 

So, first off, it sounds like your wife has a couple of issues - one with her self-esteem and confidence in her body, and two - issues regarding certain parts of her body and sexual acts as being gross. Well, it may be possible that these two facets are inter-twined. So, about the body image issue - is your wife willing to work on it? Can you work on cooking healthy meals together and taking a walk daily? It's amazing how being able to see the fat melt away and going down a dress size can improve your self-confidence. The other issue is harder - whether it's wrapped up in her lack of self-confidence or whether it goes deeper than that. It might be something that you could think about exploring with a therapist - like a sex therapist.

I don't know that I have thought certain sexual things were 'gross', but I was definitely surprised at some of the things my H has wanted to do. Some of them took me a while to come around to the idea - he was just very quietly confident, and took a leadership/ownership role in these endeavours. He never pushed - he was more persuasive than coercive. I don't know whether that will work with your wife, but it's something to think about. Sometimes I would tease my husband that my body was just a big gameboard that he was always planning his next move on. He would just smile - game on!

Good luck!


----------



## ilovmywife (Jun 19, 2011)

Thanks Enchantment!

Self-esteem is absolutley an issue with my wife and I know this. She's taking steps to loose the "baby weight" and has lost some weight since the birth of our second son. She plays softball with a few womens teams and I support her to my fullest extent. With work, our kids, family dinner, and her softball games; it's hard for us to work-out together. We do eat healthy to the greatest extent possible.

I am never pushy in or out of bed. In fact we just had a discussion in which she said "She let me do things to her that she never wanted to do," referencing anal sex. It's not that she's not experimental or repressed...it's just she not sexual at all, and I mean At All.

Thanks for the input, I might schedule an appointment with a sex therapist. I think that may be the answer I'm seeking.


----------



## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

ilovmywife said:


> It's not that she's not experimental or repressed...it's just she not sexual at all, and I mean At All.


Let me ask you this - is your wife mostly willing to do these experimental things with you? Is your main problem that she won't instigate them herself?

And secondly, are you judging her sexuality by what YOU perceive as being sexual? Is it hard to accept that she may just be different than you are in this area, and that it is okay for her to be so? If you can come together for compromise that works for both of you, then you will both benefit greatly.


----------



## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

You and your wife are very fortunate to have a happy and what should be a satisfying sex life after 2 kids and 10 years. I say should be satisfying because you have what many men in sex starved marriages would kill for, you have a wife who enjoys sex and what's more she enjoys it with you. 

So now you are unhappy because she does not want to turn you on by masturbating and doing nasty things on skype. Let me ask you - How good of a lover are you? She was your first how did you learn about female sexuality? Have you worked on your basic techniques to impove yourself as a lover? Are you sure that you are as good a lover as possible? Have you read any books on female sexuality and lovemaking techniques? .

How often does she have an orgasm, do you engage in non sexual affection, how long do you take to get her warmed up and does she orgasm vaginally and or clitorally? What is tge quality of sex from her standpoint and What turns her on? 

This is the rub - you have something valuable precious but you are lukewarm because of what your wife will not do. Look at all she is doing!!! You should be very appreciative. You are traveling down a rocky road and you need to be careful. She is inhibited, unhappy about her body and she is looking for you for conformation that what she brings to the bedroom is dynamite. 

If she is hearing that she is inadequate because she feels uncomfortable about doing thongs tgst turn you on she may feel there is no pleasing you. If you push too hard and act unhappy, angry dissatisfied and keep bringing it up, she may think why bother having sex he is not happy with who I am. 
. 
I would take the focus off of what turns you on and find something that turns you both on. She is your wife afterall she probably did not think she was signing up to do things to turn you on when she married you. Oh don't use porn to decide what turns her on porn is male oriented women are not like the porn actresses so I'd forget that.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

ilovmywife said:


> So I've read through most of these posts and cannot find a situation or answers to match my situation. I'll try to keep this short and sweet, but don't want to leave any critical details out. My wife and I have been married for 10 years. I was her first and she was mine. The sex has been good since day one. We have two boys (5 and 2) and we're both happily married/employed.
> 
> First problem, even though the sex is great it has to be initiated by me. She doesn't get horny. She doesn't masturbate. If I want sex I have to start it with kissing, foreplay, etc. If i want her in a certain position I have to prompt her into that position. Most people wouldn't complain about this, but after 10 years of it...it gets old.
> 
> ...


Try this:

Married Man Sex Life

No. I mean it. Take a look through this blog. There is stuff here that you can do to help things along. Trust me!!!


----------

