# world turned upside down



## Meaningoflife

hi 

i am new here.
9 days ago my wife admitted to cheating on me since February with one of her ex clients. she used to be a solicitor
i suspected it but she is going through depression so i put it to that un-beknowing that wasn't the case. 

i thought we were really happy, we drive nice cars, 2 beautiful happy boys, nice house, ate well and dressed well. i thought i gave her everything including my soul, then she told me 
what she is doing and she does not love me anymore. i did everything i could to keep my family together in the last few days but 'nothing'.

this is just a very quick short version and i am finding it very difficult to cope with it to a point i am thinking of thoughts i shouldn't be having


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## Taxman

Sleeping with a client, eh? Bar association time. My association takes a very dim view of sleeping with clients, and I damn well know that the authority that governs the legal profession in my province is apt to strip members of their law licenses for this. So, be evil. Get your financial settlement out of her. Make sure it is engraved in stone. Then report her. I know, as I was representing a senior lawyer's wife. We had gotten everything out of his behind that we possibly could, all signed sealed and delivered. His side was uneasy that we were not interested in ongoing payments, we wanted everything up front. They found out two days after it was signed. He was reported to the Law Society. He was immediately suspended from practice pending an investigation. That investigation took a year. He was suspended from practice for five years and then had to submit to being monitored. He had to withdraw from his partnership, at a SEVERE discount. His colleagues had a horse laugh at his expense. He should have been savvy enough to see this coming. Ahhhhhh, my heart bled. Oh, he was so upset that he broke up with his AP. All for nothing. Heard he is keeping body and soul together by working as a paralegal. That is until he gets caught by the law society. He is enjoined from doing that kind of work as well.


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## notmyjamie

I'm so sorry to hear this, it must have blindsided you. You will get through it. If you are having thoughts of harming yourself or someone else you need to get in person help immediately. Please call your doctor for help. 

_hugs_


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## Tilted 1

Meaningoflife said:


> hi
> 
> i am new here.
> 9 days ago my wife admitted to cheating on me since February with one of her ex clients. she used to be a solicitor
> i suspected it but she is going through depression so i put it to that un-beknowing that wasn't the case.
> 
> i thought we were really happy, we drive nice cars, 2 beautiful happy boys, nice house, ate well and dressed well. i thought i gave her everything including my soul, then she told me
> what she is doing and she does not love me anymore. i did everything i could to keep my family together in the last few days but 'nothing'.
> 
> this is just a very quick short version and i am finding it very difficult to cope with it to a point i am thinking of thoughts i shouldn't be having


You mean like kicking it to the curb, packing her trash in trash bags. Telling everyone about her affair and her company she works for. Exposing this to the affair partner wife..... No these are all good feelings but hold off on exposing to the company use it as a bargaining chip. But other than that your good to go.

By the way, quit being that nice guy, and playing the pick me dance. It's not a show of strength, but weakness.


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## Tilted 1

Taxman said:


> Sleeping with a client, eh? Bar association time. My association takes a very dim view of sleeping with clients, and I damn well know that the authority that governs the legal profession in my province is apt to strip members of their law licenses for this. So, be evil. Get your financial settlement out of her. Make sure it is engraved in stone. Then report her. I know, as I was representing a senior lawyer's wife. We had gotten everything out of his behind that we possibly could, all signed sealed and delivered. His side was uneasy that we were not interested in ongoing payments, we wanted everything up front. They found out two days after it was signed. He was reported to the Law Society. He was immediately suspended from practice pending an investigation. That investigation took a year. He was suspended from practice for five years and then had to submit to being monitored. He had to withdraw from his partnership, at a SEVERE discount. His colleagues had a horse laugh at his expense. He should have been savvy enough to see this coming. Ahhhhhh, my heart bled. Oh, he was so upset that he broke up with his AP. All for nothing. Heard he is keeping body and soul together by working as a paralegal. That is until he gets caught by the law society. He is enjoined from doing that kind of work as well.


Cool!!


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## Tilted 1

Taxman said:


> Sleeping with a client, eh? Bar association time. My association takes a very dim view of sleeping with clients, and I damn well know that the authority that governs the legal profession in my province is apt to strip members of their law licenses for this. So, be evil. Get your financial settlement out of her. Make sure it is engraved in stone. Then report her. I know, as I was representing a senior lawyer's wife. We had gotten everything out of his behind that we possibly could, all signed sealed and delivered. His side was uneasy that we were not interested in ongoing payments, we wanted everything up front. They found out two days after it was signed. He was reported to the Law Society. He was immediately suspended from practice pending an investigation. That investigation took a year. He was suspended from practice for five years and then had to submit to being monitored. He had to withdraw from his partnership, at a SEVERE discount. His colleagues had a horse laugh at his expense. He should have been savvy enough to see this coming. Ahhhhhh, my heart bled. Oh, he was so upset that he broke up with his AP. All for nothing. Heard he is keeping body and soul together by working as a paralegal. That is until he gets caught by the law society. He is enjoined from doing that kind of work as well.


Be this^^^^^


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## Meaningoflife

notmyjamie said:


> I'm so sorry to hear this, it must have blindsided you. You will get through it. If you are having thoughts of harming yourself or someone else you need to get in person help immediately. Please call your doctor for help.
> 
> _hugs_


thank you.. my world has just collapsed around me. the most painful thing out of all this is my 2 beautiful boys. not seeing them every day not messing around with them is killing me inside.
help.. due to the corona virus GPs are not seeing people and i cant even go anywhere as we are on a lock down.

i am absolutely devastated especially when we had everything and she through all that away in 6-8 weeks and makes everything look irrelevant


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## Tilted 1

Meaningoflife said:


> thank you.. my world has just collapsed around me. the most painful thing out of all this is my 2 beautiful boys. not seeing them every day not messing around with them is killing me inside.
> help.. due to the corona virus GPs are not seeing people and i cant even go anywhere as we are on a lock down.
> 
> i am absolutely devastated especially when we had everything and she through all that away in 6-8 weeks and makes everything look irrelevant


In your country, go for custody. I would. The emotions you have will turn to anger, use that to win everything. And let her have only what the law allows nothing more.


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## Meaningoflife

Tilted 1 said:


> You mean like kicking it to the curb, packing her trash in trash bags. Telling everyone about her affair and her company she works for. Exposing this to the affair partner wife..... No these are all good feelings but hold off on exposing to the company use it as a bargaining chip. But other than that your good to go.
> 
> By the way, quit being that nice guy, and playing the pick me dance. It's not a show of strength, but weakness.


she is a ex solicitor and is not practicing anymore

the worst thing is she says it was never planned but the moment you text in secret, met in secret, the intent is there.
she made it out it was me and i felt like i was wrong and then BAM! she played me all along. she even blamed my family for the split. granted my family can be overpowering but i stuck by her every step of the way and even stopped talking to my family just so i can keep my house together


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## Meaningoflife

Tilted 1 said:


> In your country, go for custody. I would. The emotions you have will turn to anger, use that to win everything. And let her have only what the law allows nothing more.


i want to but i cant put my boys through that, they are too precious and young 9 & 6


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## Meaningoflife

Tilted 1 said:


> You mean like kicking it to the curb, packing her trash in trash bags. Telling everyone about her affair and her company she works for. Exposing this to the affair partner wife..... No these are all good feelings but hold off on exposing to the company use it as a bargaining chip. But other than that your good to go.
> 
> By the way, quit being that nice guy, and playing the pick me dance. It's not a show of strength, but weakness.


i try but i just cant be a prick, just for my boys, i just want to get through this... some how


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## notmyjamie

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I know it seems desperate right now. I'm sure it feels like your world is ending. I know my boyfriend felt similar about his kids when his marriage ended. He got through it and so can you. You will adjust to the new normal. But you can't do that if you do something desperate!!! Your boys need you. Stay strong for them. Even if you don't get to see them everyday, you will still be in each other's hearts every day. Call for help if you need it. Please.


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## sunsetmist

This was not about what you could give her or not. It was about her--her choices. Be strong for your kids, they deserve someone with integrity to be an example for them. 
Vent here. How long married? How long her affair? Y'all's ages? How did you find out? Is she planning to leave? Is her AP married?

Again, you were faithful and trusted someone who did not deserve such. No matter how devastating this is, be a survivor, not a victim of her treachery.


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## Tilted 1

Meaningoflife said:


> i want to but i cant put my boys through that, they are too precious and young 9 & 6


Show them how a man handles, problems and don't be that unnerved co-dependent shell. Do what must be done finish what she started.


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## Meaningoflife

notmyjamie said:


> *Samaritans UK & ROI*
> National
> *Contact by:* Face to Face
> 
> 
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> - Phone
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> - Letter:
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> - E-mail:
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> *Hotline:* +44 (0) 8457 90 90 90 (UK - local rate)
> *Hotline:* +44 (0) 8457 90 91 92 (UK minicom)
> *Hotline:* 1850 60 90 90 (ROI - local rate)
> *Hotline:* 1850 60 90 91 (ROI minicom)
> *Website:* samaritans.org
> *E-mail Helpline:* [email protected]
> *24 Hour service:*
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> I know it seems desperate right now. I'm sure it feels like your world is ending. I know my boyfriend felt similar about his kids when his marriage ended. He got through it and so can you. You will adjust to the new normal. But you can't do that if you do something desperate!!! Your boys need you. Stay strong for them. Even if you don't get to see them everyday, you will still be in each other's hearts every day. Call for help if you need it. Please.


thank you x
i am trying, but its just so bloody hard


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## Tdbo

Meaningoflife said:


> i try but i just cant be a prick, just for my boys, i just want to get through this... some how


Just get angry.
Channel that anger towards doing the right things for both yourself and your kids.
The woman your legally connected to is an enemy to your family.
Treat her as such until such time as she has redeemed herself (if possible.)
Besides she must have a thing for strange pricks, she drug one into your relationship!


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## Meaningoflife

sunsetmist said:


> This was not about what you could give her or not. It was about her--her choices. Be strong for your kids, they deserve someone with integrity to be an example for them.
> Vent here. How long married? How long her affair? Y'all's ages? How did you find out? Is she planning to leave? Is her AP married?
> 
> Again, you were faithful and trusted someone who did not deserve such. No matter how devastating this is, be a survivor, not a victim of her treachery.


we been married for 10 years but like all marriages we had ups and downs but the last 3 years we couldnt be happier, well i thought

affair 6-8 weeks but it took her 2 weeks to through everything away, people take longer to choose a savings account

i am 48 / she is 40 / boys are 9 & 6

her moods, routines and she god distant and her phone went every where with her

i tried for 9 days to change her mind, offered her every solution possible but no no no 

i left on sunday gone because she just kept ringing and texting him right in front of me

the guy she chose is a single parent who has had 2 broken relationships already


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## sunsetmist

She made deliberate decisions to be a cheater. That is who she is. Don't give up and let her 'win.'

Of course, it is difficult. You can't change her, but you can show her how a real man protects his kids, his honor, his dream. Many medical practices are now doing online visits. Try that and tell them it is an emergency.

Sounds like she is a mean witch too after your last post.


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## Meaningoflife

sunsetmist said:


> She made deliberate decisions to be a cheater. That is who she is. Don't give up and let her 'win.'
> 
> Of course, it is difficult. You can't change her, but you can show her how a real man protects his kids, his honor, his dream. Many medical practices are now doing online visits. Try that and tell them it is an emergency.
> 
> Sounds like she is a mean witch too after your last post.


i don't even recognize her
i am trying to keep it civil just for the boys otherwise it would be different

she new what she was doing and it was always planned. she messed with me emotionally and i got sucked in to believing i was the problem when in reality it is all her


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## notmyjamie

She has shown you who she is...believe it. She is not the woman you thought she was unfortunately. It will hurt like hell for a long time but be strong. Do the 180 on her. Stop contact with her unless it's related to your boys. If she tries to talk to you about anything else, shut her down. The more you disengage the easier it will be for you to heal. This much I know from personal experience. Out of sight will become out of mind. 

I'm sure others who have been through it will be along to give you better tips.


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## Meaningoflife

thank you
that makes so much sense but what do you do about the heart, stupid it may sound i still love her. i wouldn't take her back but i miss her and at present i can only see the boys ate hers and not mine. i am staying at a hotel where obviously i cant take the kids for the day and england is on lock down


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## Tilted 1

Meaningoflife said:


> i try but i just cant be a prick, just for my boys, i just want to get through this... some how


Your reasoning has been said for longer than either you or I have lived. It didn't work then and it doesn't work now.


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## Tilted 1

Meaningoflife said:


> we been married for 10 years but like all marriages we had ups and downs but the last 3 years we couldnt be happier, well i thought
> 
> affair 6-8 weeks but it took her 2 weeks to through everything away, people take longer to choose a savings account
> 
> i am 48 / she is 40 / boys are 9 & 6
> 
> her moods, routines and she god distant and her phone went every where with her
> 
> i tried for 9 days to change her mind, offered her every solution possible but no no no
> 
> i left on sunday gone because she just kept ringing and texting him right in front of me
> 
> the guy she chose is a single parent who has had 2 broken relationships already


This is what she wants now, out.


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## Tilted 1

Meaningoflife said:


> thank you
> that makes so much sense but what do you do about the heart, stupid it may sound i still love her. i wouldn't take her back but i miss her and at present i can only see the boys ate hers and not mine. i am staying at a hotel where obviously i cant take the kids for the day and england is on lock down


Just pull up the boot straps, and hang on. It's never ever easy.


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## AmbitiousOvercomer

Meaningoflife said:


> hi
> 
> i am new here.
> 9 days ago my wife admitted to cheating on me since February with one of her ex clients. she used to be a solicitor
> i suspected it but she is going through depression so i put it to that un-beknowing that wasn't the case.
> 
> i thought we were really happy, we drive nice cars, 2 beautiful happy boys, nice house, ate well and dressed well. i thought i gave her everything including my soul, then she told me
> what she is doing and she does not love me anymore. i did everything i could to keep my family together in the last few days but 'nothing'.
> 
> this is just a very quick short version and i am finding it very difficult to cope with it to a point i am thinking of thoughts i shouldn't be having


I'm very sorry for the pain that you are feeling right now and I speak from experience when I say that I can understand your emotions right now. They will fluctuate greatly in the next few months from anger to sadness and back again. Once you get past the initial shock, start formulating a plan to protect your best interest and that of your children and try not to look back because when you do, you will try to find ways to rationalize why you should stay. I promise you that you will regret it if you stay and before you know it, its been 20 years of your life and you are still waiting for change and happiness of your own. Please take care of yourself and your children. Collect whatever evidence you have that she is having the affair for your attorney and let her go. Let God take care of the rest as far as she is concerned. He will see you through this trial. I'll be praying for you, stay strong, and please get help if you feel depressed/suicidal. There are better days coming once the storm passes. 🙏🙏


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## Meaningoflife

thank you so much for your lovely calming words


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## cp3o

notmyjamie said:


> I'm so sorry to hear this, it must have blindsided you. You will get through it. If you are having thoughts of harming yourself or someone else you need to get in person help immediately. Please call your doctor for help.
> 
> _hugs_


If not doctor - *Samaritans* -* We're here to listen 24 hours, 365 days a year.Call 116 123 for free *


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