# husband has gambling addiction, and low sex drive



## lyingtomyself

Hello I'm new here. I have been married for 8 years. I've been with my husband since we were both 19, we have 2 kids together. When I met him he was still in love with his ex girlfriend, they were in a long distance relationship, she broke his heart but they still kept in contact. 

When we started dating he told me he wasn't going to talk to her anymore but he lied. A year latter I moved in with him and became pregnant immediately. He would lie to me allot and was very flirty with other girls and I found out he was talking to his ex behind my back. I kept leaving him but always came back because the thought about being without him hurt too much.

I had a complicated pregnancy and after I gave birth they medicated me so that I wouldn't have a hemorrhage. Months latter I found out my husband had gone to the casino that night and he barely went to visit me and the baby at the hospital. fast forward 6 years. I became pregnant with my second child we where a happy couple for the most part. I started noticing that he didn't want to have sex, he would always make up excuses and blame me for his low sex drive, I started trying to hard to get him in the mood but nothing worked, I felt ugly and unwanted. In case you are wondering, I am actually allot more attractive than him and people tell me I can do allot better, but that doesn't matter to me.

My husband was working and hour away and when He didn't get home when he was suppose to I would freak out (I suffer from anxiety and OCD) always thinking the worst had happened to him. His excuse every time was that he was so tired he had fallen asleep in a gas station. Then I noticed he would leave to work with his work clothes and come back home with his going out clothes, he would never answer my calls and one night he came home at 2 am. I called hospitals and the police, he admitted that he had gone to the casino and had lost our rent money. The next day we had to sell my car because he had gambled it all. My parents would tell me he was going to the casino but I didn't believe them, since he was not showing signs that he was going to the casino but thousands of dollars were missing, I thought he was cheating on me. Again I left him for 2 weeks until he admitted he did have gambling problems but that he wanted to quit and get help. 

He started coming home on time and would always answer the phone when I called so I stopped insisting he see a psychologist. We where still having problems with the low sex drive and I also gave him an ultimatum on that. He finally admitted he had a problem and went to the doctor once but never went again. After our daughter was born, he thought It would be a good Idea to move into our parents already crowded house for a couple of months to save money to buy a home. Well 1 year later and Im still living at my parents. He was spending all of our money that we were suppose to be saving, since he was in charge of paying our bills I had no idea how much money we had. I found out he was still gambling so I took all the money, he wasn't happy with it and kept telling me I needed to work because that was his money. I would ask to see his checks and his account and he would get angry so I stopped asking to not argue with him. I found out that he had looked for his ex on fb, I was crushed and asked him I wanted a divorce but since we were both living at my parents I had no were to go and he would tell me he couldn't find a place, he again convinced me that he would change. 

A couple of months ago I found out that again hes been going to the casino, I finally got a hold of his spending history and found out hes been going to the casino since 2007 and in recent years has spend up to 900 a week!! In that moment I got flash backs of the times he wanted us to save money so I cut off snacks and only spent 20 a day on gas and food. I had little clothes, he would skip on my Christmas presents and some birthdays as well. My daughter got some used things that I wasn't ok with because of my ocd. I realized I could have bought all these things, There is people that are starving! I was so pissed and I almost became a shopaholic. I wanted to splurge on things because I knew he was throwing it away anyways. 

again I kicked him out and but since he didn't have any were to go I let him stay. I found he was calling the area code were his ex lived but when I confronted him he gave me different versions of why he was dialing that area code, a week ago I was pushing him to leave so we had a talk and he again convinced me to forgive him. He blames me for everything and calls me controlling because I want us to go to marriage counseling. He also doesn't like that I ask to see his checks every week and we argue allot, his excuse is that hes not a kid and its his money plus hes not gambling any more and I need to let go of the past. He wants me to either put up with it or leave. I would like to know when our problems that keep reoccurring suddenly become the past. I cant talk to him about it because hes always telling me he doesn't understand what I'm saying I think hes using that as an excuse and he well understands what I'm saying. Since I forgave him we hadn't talked about our problems and I saw us falling into the same cycle, this time I was unhappy with my decision. I noticed he was distant so I planed a date, It was a disaster! he was very distant. I couldn't keep quiet anymore of the things that are bothering me so I let it all out, He has no problem with me and doesn't understand why I'm so upset:scratchhead: told me I was never going to let go of the past 

AGAIN I asked him to leave because this wasn't going to work and I was done bealiving his lies. He agreed and promised he would move out the next day but again told me he needed more time blah blah blah! hes sleeping on the other side of the house but I still see him everyday, I cry my self to sleep every single night. I feel like if he doesn't move out soon I will end up forgiving him again and Ill be in a marriage that is killing me. The reason its so hard to leave him is that I am not working and cant find a job, I cant stand the fact that so many years of marriage are over and that Ill be stuck in my parents house for ever, but the biggest reason is that I'm deeply in love with him, cannot imagine my life without him and I want to help him out with his addiction. I feel like I might be obsessed with him. I would rather continue to pretend everything is ok than go through the almost unbearable separation. I feel like this time is different, I need him to move so I can start the process of mourning the end of our relationship. I feel that as long as his here I'm not progressing. 

Thank you all that read all of it! and I apologize if my horrible grammar drove you insane. I would like to know what you think and appreciate your honest opinions


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## oddball

As a recovered gambling addict it looks to me that your husband is in full blown addiction. He is risking his family for gambling, and when caught out, blames you. If he is unwilling to admit his addiction, and take decisive action (I went to a shrink, banned myself from local casino's, became completely transparent where I was, and complete financial transparency) his addiction will escalate. So the question is what are you willing to put up with? When is his behaviour too painful for you? You cant control the addict I am afraid. And remember, addicts lie - watch his actions, his words right now are meaningless.


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## mom1.2

I am SO SORRY you are going through this... I have no advice but I do know how you feel.
Actually, I do have advice - GET A JOB! ANY job - cashier, clerk, whatever you can - you need to have an income and then you will be free.
I am not saying you need to leave your husband - of course he can stay, but get an income, separate your money from his completely, take care of all the bills. DO NOT pay off his debt...


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## MiriRose

Hi there ~ To echo mom 1.2's sentiment, I am so sorry you are going through all of this. Have you considered counseling for youself? That might be a good start as you consider where to go from here. Also, this link could be helpful:

"Indications Your Marriage Needs Help"

It is tough now, I know, but there is hope for the future! I've said a prayer for you. ((hugs))


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## lyingtomyself

Thank you all for your encouraging words, I finally kicked him out tonight after finding a few text between him and a woman. She ased him if he could also give a ride to her friend and he said he would pick them up at 4am and he would get out at 1pm but if that didn't work for them he could get off earlier. He has never changed his schedule for me or his kids plus he works in construction there are no women there so I bet he picked these woman from a casino. I put up with too much, me and my kids deserve so much better. It will hurt for a wile but I will come out of this a stronger person I hope. I was called for an interview for Friday yay! I'm looking for a job and will be the independent woman I use to be before I met him. Thank you all again


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## appletree

You really must stay strong on this. It is not only the gambling addiction! Let another woman care for him you won't have a problem to find someone better.


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## Taintimand

So proud of you, just be strong and everything will be all right. So hang in there okay??


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## Lila

Zombie thread. Closing.


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