# Game Changer



## DecentGuy59 (Apr 27, 2013)

Hi all, new here. Came about this forum by accident. Never heard of it til last nite. Have to say i wish i had found it a year or two ago. If you would care to listen, i need to vent. This weekend is a game changer for me.

Heres my story.

I met my wife almost twenty years ago not long after my Dad died. She was a breath of fresh air to say the least. I had split from a girl i was dating about a year before. I felt like the luckiest guy in the world to have met someone as kind and giving as her. From a good family. My family loved her from the start and she them and me her. She had been married once before to a guy who would'nt work. I had a good job and advanced thru the years. She had a son and i a daughter a few years apart. She was in dire financial straits and i came to the rescue and bought us a house cause i didnt want her to leave. We married after a couple years. Her son started causing problems from the start that increased with age. My daughter confessed to her that she wished she were her real mom, many times. neither one wanted more kids when we married, she changed her mind, she won. We miscarried the first time and less than four months later she was pregnant again. There were problems from the start. Heart concerns, we knew things would not be normal after the birth. My boy was born and the problems were worse than we expected. Open heart surgery at six months and another major surgery on his left eye at three years. He is autistic. In the meantime, try as i may, her son hated me and it showed and he started to turn on his mom. My daughter rolled with the punches and accepted that our youngest needed more attention than the other Two. We did our best. As he grew older it got MUCH worse. He was abusive, manipulative, lied, stole, intimidated and to make it all worse we were having money problems because her divorce agreement with hubby one said no child support and 50-50 this and that. I felt put upon raising his kid with food, shelter and clothes while he got to be buddy dad with go karts and motorcycles. She worked as a barber when we met and eventually she had to be a stay at home mom. She could have gone back to work a little later but never really did. A lilttle here and there. Eventually, after seeing the toll her son was tal
king on us, i put him out. After a year we agreed to give him another chance. Bad mistake. Things got worse still with drugs and theft and lies, etc. He didnt graduate from high school. I put himout again and told him he would never live here again, not even for a nite. Problem solved, i thought. My daughter made us grand parents. we were rollin financially. House all but paid o, money set aside for our youngest to live off of after we were gone. Wife had a new car and we were about to re do the whole house, the way she wanted it. Hard wood floors, cabinets, all that. We did'nt go out much, a sitter was hard to come by. I could tell she was'nt her old self. Quiet, withdrawn, spending WAY to much time online or buried in a romance novel. We were in a rut for sure. Bills started to go unpaid. I drew the line right there cause THAT pisses me off. It's not like we did'nt have the money, she just did'nt pay it. My boy and me started being ignored. I f i got any attention at all it was criticism, sneers, one word answers. Nothing i did was enough or right. I dont drink alot, rarely really, i come home after work and am glad to be with my peeps. I never beat her, we did'nt argue. We used to get high together after the kids were in bed but i stopped cause i could'nt tolerate it as well as i got older. It's sooooo much stronger than it used to be. She never stopped and it did'nt bother me at all. I should mention that i'am 8 years older. Anyway, i noticed she never ever went anywhere without her smartphone. She slept with it. Long story shortened, she met some guy online in a chatroom and it turned into cellphone sexting. I found out and was devastated. She swore to stop. I wanted to go to counseling together, she went alone. I never even got to vent cause i was afraid i would damage her even more than she was. She had been gouging long scratches in both arms and i could tell she was on the verge of a breakdown. We were having trouble getting our youngest to stay in his own bed which eventually turned into us not sleeping in the same room. When i found out about the goings on we fixed that problem and all last summer i thought wewere working it out. I stopped working so much as we attained our financial goals and was sure we were going to be ok. I was happy, content. Fat forward to this past christmas and one day it was all hugs and kisses and love yous, be careful and call me on your break. I'am an ironworker by trade. I took the next day off to use the last of my vacation days and take her to breakfast. We had sex, kinda. Barely going thru the motions. I remember now how things had changed when she read all three Fifty shades of Grey novels. Sex turned into a competition. I felt like i was taking advantage of someone who was'nt quite right in the head. We had had a fantastic sex life up until then. Sex was fun. We laughed
and generally had a good time, not takin it too seriously. I loved her deeply and as long as she was satisfied i was good. I remember her actually yelling at me a couple times. The red flags were poppin. So, over nite it turned into, yes there is someone else, it's been goin on for months, i feel like i been gone for years, i'am not gonna stop and i dont love you anymore. I dug until i found. It was'nt just one guy, it was many and she was sending graphic naked pics to a whole slew of different guys. WTF. Devestated is'nt strong enough. We just signed the papers. The ink was'nt dry before she left for N.Y. to go see guy #? I want my 20 years back.


----------



## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Who are these guys ? How did she meet them?

How old are you guys ?


----------



## bryanp (Aug 25, 2011)

1. See an attorney to understand your options.
2. Get tested for STD's. I would not believe anything she says.

Do not waste of your life on this drama. Good luck.


----------



## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

You signed papers? Does that mean you are officially divorced?


----------



## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

I'm telling you no matter how tired you are after work (I'm a framer by trade)you have to start working out.

Lifting will help you mentally.


Find your self a montra. When I was going through this crap I would repeat over and over again " I diserve good things". I said to my self a million times an hour back in the day when I found out that Mrs. the-guy had slept with 20 men over the last 13 years.


You are not alone and the sooner you impliment consequences for this behavior the better chance you have in fighting this this. 

No matter if your ready or not you have to let her go. She has to see a smile on your face and a pep in your step. This positive perception is the only way to even get close to getting her to think twice in what she is about to lose.


Dude when she sees you letting her go and moving she will second guess her choices, but if you beg and ahndg on she will toture you to death knowing you will all ways be there.

So prove her wrong, wish her the best and cut her off and cut her out of your life with a smile on your face.........no mater how bad it hurts or how weak you feel YOU MUST SHOW HER THE YOU ARE CONFIDENT enough to find another women that will show you respect and appreciation.


Ya I get you love her, she knows you love her and thats the reason she thinks she can get a way with this bull crap fantasy.

So in short make face the consequences by losing you finacialy and emotionaly.


----------



## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

She never, NEVER, steps foot in your house again. 

She has to answer for what she has done and is doing. You have enough on your hands with your son.

Were it me, I'd just pretend she had died.


----------



## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

Yet another guy boxed into the "beta-provider" role. Guys, unless she's at least 15 years younger and hot, never take on a single mother as anything other than part of your rotating harem. OP doesn't even know when all this started. Probably day one.

Well, OP, you did the right thing by getting rid of her. Now it's time to get to work on that six pack. How old are you?


----------



## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

A friend of mine got thrown out about a month after his youngest stepchild started college. His wife is now married to an ex friend of his. Both serial cheaters.


----------



## audacia (Apr 27, 2013)

Were it me, I'd just pretend she had died.[/QUOTE]


I used the "pretending he's dead" today. It actually helped. Then it felt wrong. But seeing you say it makes me think it might help in these first few days/weeks. 

This site (TAM) makes me cry my eyes out and have hope. Thank you to all who are so supportive and brutally honest.


----------



## DecentGuy59 (Apr 27, 2013)

I just lost a whole post so here goes again.

I first noticed a change around fall 2011. It progressed until i asked her strait out if she had a boyfriend. Of course she denied it. Easter of 12 we headed to her folks as always. Had a good weekend. Nearing home she suggested i go see my 93 Year old mom so i did. When i left there i didnt want to go home and pretend anymore so i drove around, got home around midnight. I found her cell looking for the remote. Her and some guy from florida were professing thier undying love, plus all the sex talk. Big blowout,lots of tears and promises to stop. Fall 2012 after thinking we were going to make it all summer i notice the treatment again and then 2 weeks before Christmas she drops the bomb. I dug until i found. She quite the florida turd but there severalothers all at the same time. Sending pics to all from her "portfolio". All this while actively recruiting replacements. She sent florida guy a pic of our son and a pic of our two month old grand daughter. Warlock, she would meet them on Pogo.com in private chat rooms using the computer i bought her, ryin to do something nice for her. I'am 53 and she is 46. Bryan p, yeah we signed the divorce papers last Wednesday. Seperate maintanance actually. We are divorced in every way except the final apaerwork so my employer continues to pay her medical. I vowed at the start of this to be a stand up guy right to the end. I gave her every chance to stop it with a few words. She didnt. Right to the end at the lawyers office, i let her sign first. BUT, this weekend, here, right now, is the start of my new attitude, my game changer. I kept the house and gave her 53K and she bought a foreclosure. I'am broke but debt free. Come monday i will tell her to lite a fire under someones ass cause ya got two weeks and i am movin back in, with or without you. The free ride is over. The guy she is with right now either works at or owns some tractor dealership in N.Y. So much has happened it would take all day to explain all the ins and out and wrongs. If it does'nt concern our son she does'nt need to talk to me, i dont care, she showed who she is so why should;nt i believe her. She IS dead to me. This whole thing is so completely out of character to the woman i thought i knew. It's just surreal.


----------



## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Have you DNA tested your son? She's been cheat for years? Get him tested, he may not be yours at all.


----------

