# Missed opportunity



## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

I am an idiot. Last night, my STBW and I had a particulary lovely night cap session, and when we were laying there snuggling, basking in the afterglow, she got a mischevous look on her face and said she really wanted me to use her tits and have some of it go on her face. 

Looking back on how things went, I can see where she gave some signs during, and I totally missed them in the moment. One of the things we are very good at is non verbal communication, and just being on the same page, picking up on subtle hints. My specific question is do you typically send non verbal clues, or just flat out say it in the moment?

More generally, early on, before my STBW and I were oficially dating and before we were sleeping together, we talked about things we liked, disliked, would consider, no way in hell things when it came to sex. Well, last night the whole on her face things came out of no where and was on her no way in hell list way back when. I was perfectly OK with that and have never mentioned it. I never had any strong desire for the whole facial thing.

This is not the first time she has brought things up, or ventured into her no way list. The biggest one is swallowing. She'd never done it before me, and now does, and thoroughly enjoys it, looks forward to it even. Another is anal. We haven't done that, and probably never will. I have no interest in it at all, but she did suggest it as a birthday treat for me. Then there was last night. For the record, I have not suggested any of those things, nor even talked about them, hinted pressured or otherwise. These are things she has brought up completely on her own.

As a woman, what would that indicate if you went into things like that that had been previously no way in hell things? What message would you be sending?


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## Giro flee (Mar 12, 2013)

The more I trust and feel safe with my husband, the more I am open to things I never thought I would want to try.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Giro flee said:


> The more I trust and feel safe with my husband, the more I am open to things I never thought I would want to try.


This.


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## keeper63 (Mar 22, 2012)

I understand the whole trust issue with men and women when it comes to sex. But I think the OP brings up a good point.

I would say that my wife and I have a high level of trust and comfort when it comes to sex. Very few things are "off the table" for us (third parties, pain/humiliation, anal penetration with my penis - by mutual choice, and swallowing are the only ones I can think of). If my wife suddenly became interested in and/or suggested we try one of these activities that has been "off the table" for many years, I would be suspicious and would wonder what caused her to change her mind.

I would love it if my wife would swallow, but she says it's like swallowing snot when you have a headcold, it just makes her sick to her stomach.

I suppose the question I would have would be along the same lines at the OP: What is the female thought process by which she would suddenly change her mind about an "off the table" act? 

If my wife was performing oral sex on me, and then she kept her mouth on me and swallowed my cvm, I would be really shocked and wonder what she was thinking. It would almost make me question if she had recently done that with someone else, and decided it wasn't so bad.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Giro flee said:


> The more I trust and feel safe with my husband, the more I am open to things I never thought I would want to try.



:iagree:
Can't say this any better.


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## pierrematoe (Sep 6, 2013)

I would need to see some pictures of you too performing these acts then will be happy to advise you. I'M JUST KIDDING

Keep communicating because that is key in all relationships


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## 40isthenew20 (Jul 12, 2012)

There are always things that seemed off the table that get done as a relationship continues. Sure, there are some things a woman does before marriage that she discontinues afterwards (the bait), but stuff usually comes full circle eventually. 

Blowing jizz on my wife's face has never been my thing and it hasn't happened, but if she suggested it, just that alone would turn me on immensely. 

You'll get the chance again so don't beat yourself up too much. 

My wife always said the only way I'm getting anal is after she's dead,but I know that it's closer and coming soon. 

Baby steps sometimes.


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## I Don't Know (Oct 8, 2013)

I'd say it means she trusts you not to think less of her. That you wouldn't do it as a degridation thing. Or that she's just that into you that she's considering/wanting something she couldn't even consider before. If you don't want to, that's cool too. I would have done that in a heartbeat many times before, but with my girlfriend I would feel like it was degrading to her. And I have no desire to do that with her.


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## MissScarlett (May 22, 2013)

It seems like a natural progression when you have established trust with someone. Perhaps the scenario in your earlier imagination seemed degrading - but you begin to think of it differently if you know your partner can try something edgy without a loss of respect.

I also find in my age group (early 40s) women seem to be having second thoughts about sex scenarios. I think perhaps its the pre menopause testosterone surge. I know for me I'm wanting it rougher and want to see more desire and enthusiasm from H. It doesn't surprise me that women get caught up in affairs at this age. There seems to be some biological shift.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Well, we did it this afternoon before she went to work...she's texted already about how hot it is getting her just thinking about it  Success! It'll be a good night tonight for sure...though it always is


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

samyeagar said:


> As a woman, what would that indicate if you went into things like that that had been previously no way in hell things? What message would you be sending?


Absolute trust, comfort and satisfaction sexually with my partner.


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## tracyishere (Dec 2, 2012)

samyeagar said:


> I am an idiot. Last night, my STBW and I had a particulary lovely night cap session, and when we were laying there snuggling, basking in the afterglow, she got a mischevous look on her face and said she really wanted me to use her tits and have some of it go on her face.
> 
> Looking back on how things went, I can see where she gave some signs during, and I totally missed them in the moment. One of the things we are very good at is non verbal communication, and just being on the same page, picking up on subtle hints. My specific question is do you typically send non verbal clues, or just flat out say it in the moment?
> 
> ...


I say being with you has made her comfortable in her own sexuality. She must feel at ease enough to let her guard down and try something new. My H was also very good at allowing me to explore my sexuality. He never made a big deal about stuff, so it wasn't awkward or embarrassing for me to bring it up.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Had another one of those no way in hell moments last night, though not directly sexual...Pretty early on in our relationship, I spent the night at her house and we were snuggling in bed naked after sex, and as she was drifting off, she got up pretty quickly and put on some pajamas. She said she knew it was kind of stupid and irrational, but the last time she slept completely naked with a man was the night her now 20 year old son was conceived, and it was almost like a superstition to her, and she just couldn't do it.

Last night, she asked me to sleep naked with her.


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## tracyishere (Dec 2, 2012)

samyeagar said:


> Had another one of those no way in hell moments last night, though not directly sexual...Pretty early on in our relationship, I spent the night at her house and we were snuggling in bed naked after sex, and as she was drifting off, she got up pretty quickly and put on some pajamas. She said she knew it was kind of stupid and irrational, but the last time she slept completely naked with a man was the night her now 20 year old son was conceived, and it was almost like a superstition to her, and she just couldn't do it.
> 
> Last night, she asked me to sleep naked with her.


I'm jealous of you and her


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## Giro flee (Mar 12, 2013)

[QUOTE
Last night, she asked me to sleep naked with her.[/QUOTE]

That's great! Sleeping naked is actually part of my LD therapy. It was really hard at first, now I totally love it.


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