# I want to leave my husband...



## PurpleTurtle80 (May 20, 2012)

but i can't.  I don't have an income or a vehicle. I wouldn't be able to support me and the kids. He doesn't make enough money for any substantial child support or alimony. i'm going to school full time at night...i'll be done in November.

He knows I want a divorce; yet he thinks everything is just peachy. I've printed papers twice over the last 3 years. Our relationship sucks. I don't feel like I'm treated how i should be treated...he is passive aggressive and cuts me down all the time with sarcasm. 

There is so much to this story that I can't possibly put it in one thread. I'm tired and exhausted from trying to get this marriage to work and he is just skating by.

I moved out in February but had to move back in after 2 months because the funds for the apartment ran out. I did NOT want to move back in. but what was I going to do be homeless?

I'm misserable, he treats me like crap, the sex sucks. We have one vehicle so the kids and I don't get out during the day. We don't do things as a family.

I'm confused and scared.


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## River1977 (Oct 25, 2010)

Couldn't you get on state aid and food benefits? 

Could you get a school loan?

There are many housing programs in your state (in every state). They might be hard to find, so you have to do some research. Begin by talking with several domestic abuse centers (find them by calling 211 or the domestic abuse hotline). Those shelters have all kinds of resources available to women and their children. They might not accept you into the shelter if your husband is not abusive and you are not in danger, but you can make an appointment to talk with them. Call and talk with more than one shelter because they don't all have the same resources available to them. 

See (google?) if there is a housing crisis center in your state/community. They usually have different programs that pay your rent or pay a large portion of your rent over x amount of time. They also have programs that are income-based, meaning your rent is set at amount you can afford to pay. If you don't have any income, they take care of the full amount.

Google criteria like "help with utility bills" or something like that. You should come across different churches and community programs that help with utilities, like a Community Action Center or something like that. Most often, these types of places will assist once in preventing your gas/lights from being disconnected, but you never know what else you might find when talking with different people. Also, your state's Department of Social Services (where you go for state aid and food card) will pay emergency bills to prevent shutoff. But, they also have a long list of organizations and programs that offer help.

Everyone you talk to, ask lots of questions because questions lead to answers and more ideas. I was once in a women's abuse shelter. They worked to get me out of the state and paid my train fare clear across the country to get away from my abuser. The other state is where I said I wanted to go because I had family there, so they advocated to get me into a women's abuse shelter in the new state so I'd have a place to go when I arrived. The program manager in the new state was really crappy, and I had to practically force her to help me find a housing program or transitional housing program. It just so happened that I lucked up. When she called the places I asked her to call (because I was having no luck at all but knew people would be more willing to listen to her as a program manager), one of the places told her they had no availability but clued her in on a different program that she knew nothing about. She called and thank goodness they had an opening. I was blessed to have a program that paid my full rent for 18 months. Plenty of time to find a job and get back on my feet. That was several years ago and to this day, I am so incredibly thankful for the chance they offered me. 

You can find help, too. It may take a lot of work (and possibly disappointment, but don't give up), and it may not be so pleasant at first. But nothing is more unpleasant than his verbal, emotional, and psychological abuse. Get your ducks in a row, and you will be away from him in no time. Abuse shelters can also help you plan your exit strategy.


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## babyowlsrcute (May 12, 2012)

Do you have friends or family who could help support you? Moving back home is not such a bad thing.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Vanton68 (Feb 5, 2012)

PurpleTurtle80 said:


> but i can't.  I don't have an income or a vehicle. I wouldn't be able to support me and the kids. He doesn't make enough money for any substantial child support or alimony. i'm going to school full time at night...i'll be done in November.
> 
> He knows I want a divorce; yet he thinks everything is just peachy. I've printed papers twice over the last 3 years. Our relationship sucks. I don't feel like I'm treated how i should be treated...he is passive aggressive and cuts me down all the time with sarcasm.
> 
> ...


A couple of questions: How old are you (sometimes this affects how badly you don't want to move back with family)? How many kids? Will your degree support you (and kids) once you graduate? Would you be able to suffer through staying there until you graduate?


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## PurpleTurtle80 (May 20, 2012)

babyowlsrcute said:


> Do you have friends or family who could help support you? Moving back home is not such a bad thing.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I do not have family that would support me.



Vanton68 said:


> A couple of questions: How old are you (sometimes this affects how badly you don't want to move back with family)? How many kids? Will your degree support you (and kids) once you graduate? Would you be able to suffer through staying there until you graduate?


I will be 32 next month. We have 2 children, 5 and 2. I'm getting a Medical Billing and Coding certification because I wanted to work from home to help bring in some money. I could get a full time job with it if I needed to.

I could suffer through staying until I'm done with school. He isn't physically abusive and doesn't hurt the children. We are not in any danger at this moment.


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## Married in VA (Jan 6, 2012)

Purple,
My STBXW has a certificate in that field and finding a job has been difficult. You will not work from home without some experience under your belt. The only folks I know that work from home have 16 years experience. Don't want you to be disappointed. You will work in an office enviroment and may have to start out as a medical receiptionist before moving on to the coding part. As for your marriage, did you try MC yet? It sounds like you have checked out already and are looking for the escape hatch. If your husband thinks everything is okay, that tells me that your communications as a couple are lacking. Improve them and you may improve your marriage. Not sure, but you may wish to investigate working together rather than just punching out. My .02$


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## PurpleTurtle80 (May 20, 2012)

I have tried to communicate with my husband for years how I feel. He turns it around and doesn't l let me talk about my feelings. We have tried MC, e stopped because he said we couldn't afford it financially any more. I have asked him to get IC for his past and he says he will but never does. 

i'm not perfect, never said I was. 

And yes, I am terrified to be alone


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## iheartlife (Apr 4, 2012)

Do you want a vehicle to get out of the house and possibly get a job and develop some independence from your husband?

I thought from your other thread that if you had a vehicle, you'd hook up with your ex, who is married and has a new baby, so the two of you could have sex. Because sexting isn't quite doing it for you.


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## PurpleTurtle80 (May 20, 2012)

iheartlife said:


> Do you want a vehicle to get out of the house and possibly get a job and develop some independence from your husband?
> 
> I thought from your other thread that if you had a vehicle, you'd hook up with your ex, who is married and has a new baby, so the two of you could have sex. Because sexting isn't quite doing it for you.


I need a vehicle so that I could get out and get a job and take care of myself and my kids. I am going crazy, I only see the inside of our apartment and the apartment play ground. Unless I am at school at night. I literally don't go anywhere, unles we are going on a family trip to the grocery store.

I've thought about if I had another vehicle I would go visit my ex. but honestly I would chicken out.


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## iheartlife (Apr 4, 2012)

PurpleTurtle80 said:


> I've thought about if I had another vehicle I would go visit my ex. but honestly I would chicken out.


I am asking you this the kindest way I know how. I know it will sound cruel, or that I'm kicking you when you're down. But that is not how I operate.

You've admitted you have a powerful compulsion when it comes to messaging your ex. Your husband hates your ex and you know he'd hate your texting him. You also know it's wrong to text him because he's married and has a new baby.

You've progressed from messaging to sexting. You say that you try very hard to stop but you find it almost impossible. From your many threads, I gather that it is a powerful compulsion bordering on an addiction.

But you'd chicken out if you had a car and you wouldn't meet up with him to have sex.

I apologize in advance for saying this, but this strains all credulity.


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