# Descisions...



## [email protected] (Jan 18, 2012)

Hi, I guess i'm just looking for a lil advice and so here goes, My husband and I have been married 6 1/2 years, he is military so he was gone alot. Deployed three times and I am very proud of him and what he does for his country and family. 

We got married pretty fast and he deployed shortly after, things were great i thought i could not be happier, then six months in I came across email of him asking a girl for pictures. I was very unhappy by this and when i confronted him he told me it was a dare. I told him I couldn do the cheating thing and tat it was over. He went to his higher ups and they sent him home early on his R&R to try figure things out. This is when i found out he had actually met this girl back when we were first dating and that his soldiers buddys bet that he couldnt get her number, well he did then bet that he wouldnt ask he out, well he did... which is all fine its not like we were married yet but i do feel he should have told me before or shortly after we got married. Instead he continued this "dare" but trying to get pics. 

Anyways we worked thru it and managed to stay together things were wonderful even four years of struggling to have a baby we were blessed with a wonderful little girl (oct 10)who i feel completed us! By this time he was on his third deployment and came home for her birth then went back after a week with her. I was feeling amazing and really impressed how far we had come in 5 years because it took me forever (4yrs) to get over what he had done. Well then in Feb 2011 because of my insecurity with him I was going thru his yahoo messenger history and found he had been talking to two girls, one a really good friend of ours which i was completely shocked and another from his home town. I was distaught, I just wanted to die. I couldnt believe this had happened again. Well again I confronted him and got every detail possible also called the girl from his hometown and asked for her side. 

I was ready to leave him and be done with it, I wanted a divorce. I barely spoke to him for three month which was easy to avoid him since he was gone, we would call and i would put him on speaker phone so our baby could hear him but then when he said goodbye to him i would hang up and that was that but there is something about loving someone whole heartedly and when i said for better or WORSE I meant it and felt that even tho he broke ours vows it doesnt make it right for me to just give up and I didnt want to look back if i didnt try and see where it would take us and ask 'what if' as opposed to, well I did tried I did everything and it still didnt work. 

Wow this is becoming more of a novel... Sorry but back to it, it been almost a year since i found out, I went to counseling and he did too, counselor said he had a sex addiction and he is working on it. He says those girls meant nothing and what he said and did with them was nothing but a rush which by far does not make it right. I was there thru 3 deployment I could have sought out another man to keep me company but I didnt. We fought alot over this last year. But in the end he still treats me good and is a really awesome dad, he changes diapers, feeds her and loves playing with her. She just lights up when he comes home from work. And for the most part I do too, I mean i still have my days when I feel I love him but I dont like him! He seems to be trying very hard to prove it was the biggest mistake he ever made and days are tough some more than others! I think were in a good place, we not fighting as much any more we worked though alot and i know i want to be with him forever but will not tolerate it if he EVER did it again! I love him deeply and I feel he loves me deeply too just made stupid decsions while deployed that could have cost him everything he has! 

I guess what im truly getting at is, I have pretty servere PCOs (poly cyctis ovaries)which is why it took so long to get pregnant which I cant do naturally (I had surgery and clomid to get pregnant), Im missing alot of hormones and am going to have GB surgery to help with my wieght fluxuations and will have a high chance of helping the PCOs and I may even have a good chance of having babies naturally. But here lately I am having servere baby fever, I dont know if I should stop the process for GB and go to fertilty and have another baby, I dont know if its too soon after everything. I really want the GB to feel better but if I do it i have to wait to start trying for 18 months after the surgery. Im so confused right now. I dont want advice on "well you should leave him he no good for you" I just want views on the surgery and if I should wait to have baby for a lil bit longer! I am also not on BC so if it happens it happens and with pcos would be a miracle so more likely not going to happen.

Sorry if im confusing you coz i am confused myself! Thanks for taking time to read!


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## square1 (Oct 31, 2011)

FrenchFry said:


> If you aren't feeling stable in your relationship, kids do not add the stability you are looking for. Wait. Wait till you feel your husbands addiction is under control, wait till he has proved his continuous fidelity, wait till he is OPEN with his life. Don't bring kids into a messed up state.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



:iagree: wait on having another baby until you are sure he has it under control. so i say have the GB surgery and that 18 month healing process should give you 2 time to work things out more and make sure he isnt doing anything else with other women again.


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