# I (almost) had the time of my life and now her ex gf is getting in the way



## Beenthere_Donethat (Feb 6, 2016)

Ok so a friend recommended this site to me. Ive had a few clicks around and it seems like a friendly enough place, so ill give this a go.

A little bit about me - ex and I are in the process of divorcing, been separated for one year. We were together for 5 years and married for 2. Just too young and dumb really. We both had a lot of issues that we hadnt sorted out before we got married and it caught up with us. Both realized we werent happy but werent ready to give up yet so we decided to have an open relationship seeing as wed both never had a proper relationship before we got together. It didnt work. We broke up and shes dating one of the dudes she was sleeping with. I didnt sleep with anyone for the record.

6 months later im single again, just doing stupid **** really and Im out with a bunch of friends one night and these chicks start talking to us. One is pretty and the other is just effing outstanding. Anyway, they turn out to be in a legit lesbian relationship and pretty girl is hitting me up to join them for the night just for fun. Aint no way im passing that up...its been a long ass time. I couldnt believe my luck. I was praising the lord and all kinds of ****.

Wont give too many details but im at pretty girls house with them and I am straight into effing outstanding like im gonna die if I dont, but shes all nervous and **** and I can just tell its not her idea. And anyway to cut a long story short, pretty girl decided that effing outstanding is "way too into it" and starts freaking out and I leave. Smartly.

About a month later, at the same club i see effing outstanding without pretty girl and im like...screw it im gonna talk to her. And so we talk. And shes broken up with pretty girl....like days after the almost best night of my life happened. And im flirting with her and she seems pretty responsive. We exchange numbers.

And we basically been texting ever since. We meet up a couple times, have some laughs and thats about it. Over christmas she had to go away (family thing) and we're not texting as much or anything and I realize I actually really like her. She was real shy at first, but once she opened up...Shes funny, smart, shes really interesting. We have similar interests, like the same movies and ****. 

So when she gets home im kind of scoping her out to see if she feels the same. And shes like, 'actually I like you a lot too' but shes nervous and hasnt been with a dude since she was 19 (although she and I got pretty close).I dont know who told her old gf, but now her old gf is also causing problems by texting/fbing her all the time. And now its like outstanding and I have come to this total dead stop.

Any thoughts, suggestions, advice?


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## header (Nov 14, 2015)

Suggest another threesome and effingoutstanding has to pick between you and prettygirl based on who gives the best cunnilinguis.


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## Beenthere_Donethat (Feb 6, 2016)

@header I wish mate! But after getting to know this girl she ain't the type of chick you share with anybody. Shes the type of chick that once you have her you keep her to yourself.


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## MRR (Sep 14, 2015)

so, all the times you hung out with her alone did you make a move? any sexual tension?


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## Beenthere_Donethat (Feb 6, 2016)

@MRR I didn't want to push her. We talked about what happened the first night we met and she said that she was really nervous. It was more the gf idea. I thought that letting her have the space and time to just get to know each other was the decent thing to do. There was lots of flirting and stuff though. She gives as good as she gets. Sometimes you just know though, ya know? I could tell she was into it.


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## header (Nov 14, 2015)

Beenthere_Donethat said:


> Shes the type of chick that once you have her you keep her to yourself.


When she was pretty girl's chick she was going to be with you and pretty girl.


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## Beenthere_Donethat (Feb 6, 2016)

@MRR the whole last year of my marriage I didnt have sex with my wife, so I dont mind waiting


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## Beenthere_Donethat (Feb 6, 2016)

@header she was just a stunning face then


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## MRR (Sep 14, 2015)

Most women expect a guy who is into them to kiss them. If you dont try, she thinks you just want to be friends or (more likely) you lack confidence (are too scared)-- this is weak and very unattractive.


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## header (Nov 14, 2015)

Beenthere_Donethat said:


> @header she was just a stunning face then


She was, and presumably still is, the type that is ok with sharing.


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## Beenthere_Donethat (Feb 6, 2016)

@MRR everything about this chick has turned me into a pansy. I've been told this since christmas. I would have def made a move already if I didnt feel like her gf and I (myself indirectly) had pressured her into something she didnt want to do. She says it doesnt bother her, but she is quite sensitive


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## Beenthere_Donethat (Feb 6, 2016)

@header ^^ see above. Yeah i dont think she was all that into it to be honest. She was just going along with it i think


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## header (Nov 14, 2015)

Beenthere_Donethat said:


> @header ^^ see above. Yeah i dont think she was all that into it to be honest. She was just going along with it i think


You said that pretty girl stopped it because effing amazing was too into it.


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## Beenthere_Donethat (Feb 6, 2016)

@header jealousy bro. shes a nutter. the ex


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## MRR (Sep 14, 2015)

It's probably too late if it has been going on like this (friends) for so long, but your best option right now is to hang out, HAVE FUN and hook up. if you do not TRY you stay in the same position. if you try and she shoots you down, she is not that into you and you should definitely not be talking with her all the time


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## Beenthere_Donethat (Feb 6, 2016)

@MRR I def hope thats not the case. I made my intentions clear when she got back from her family at christmas. I told her that I liked her a lot and I think shes beautiful and that I wanted to spend more time with her if shed let me. She said she liked me a lot and I could just tell she was into it. And then somehow her ex found about us hanging out so much or something as has been a total nutter. She showed me some of the texts and stuff. Some real effed up ****.


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## header (Nov 14, 2015)

Beenthere_Donethat said:


> @header jealousy bro. shes a nutter. the ex


We were talking about effing amazing who was really into it, who is obviously the type who doesn't have a problem sharing, who you want to be your girl and share with no one.

This isn't about the ex and her nutty jealousy, it's about the girl you like, who has demonstrated that she isn't the type to be faithful to one person.


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## Beenthere_Donethat (Feb 6, 2016)

@header we all do dumb things bro. If it hadnt have happened I would likely have never met her,just seen her in a club one night and thought damn...

We have talked about it though and shes never done that sort of thing before and its not something that shed want to do again. I dont know if thats the truth but she hasnt done anything that would make me doubt what she says. She broke up with her gf almost immediately after it happened.


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## Beenthere_Donethat (Feb 6, 2016)

@header i do see your point though, and i think it might be something we gotta discuss a little deeper


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## header (Nov 14, 2015)

Beenthere_Donethat said:


> @header we all do dumb things bro.


Our actions define us.

I can't count the number of times I've read a post by a woman on this forum or another forum which goes something like this:

"I met this guy and screwed him on the first date and now I don't hear from him anymore he must think I'm one of those easy girls and I'm not!"

Yeah sure you're not..


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

Beenthere_Donethat said:


> @header I wish mate! But after getting to know this girl she ain't the type of chick you share with anybody. Shes the type of chick that once you have her you keep her to yourself.


Which is the same thing " pretty girl" thought too. 

Have your fun with this girl but she isn't long term relationship material. You will soon find yourself back in a similar situation as you were in your first marriage.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Beenthere_Donethat (Feb 6, 2016)

@header haha ayy thats how guys like me get/got laid (before marriage I mean for me). Nah, I see your point dude. I wouldnt be willing to have her do anything with another person if we were actually dating.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Dangerous dating.

It's fun until someone loses an eye.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Beenthere_Donethat (Feb 6, 2016)

@PhillyGuy13 I think i may have effed up in my post. NAh it was all pretty girls idea. My girl hadnt been with a dude in 8 years or something. She was hella nervous about it. Pretty girl saw me kissing and grinding on her and got jealous. I def think my girl was curious about it, but it wasnt her idea at all. Pretty girl did all the talking.


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

No you had it right, I misread it.

Here's the thing. Like I said have your fun. But she hasn't been with a guy in 8 years. 8 years from now she wouldn't have been with a girl in 8 years. Will she then get an itch you can't scratch?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Beenthere_Donethat (Feb 6, 2016)

@MattMatt truth bro. 


Im actually starting to get quite worried about it now. I def dont think shed just go out and sleep with other people. We have got to know each other quite well in the 5 odd months that weve been hanging out. And she hasnt been with anyone else during that time to my knowledge.


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## Beenthere_Donethat (Feb 6, 2016)

@PhillyGuy13 yeah thats hard bro. Maybe i am an effing pansy over her... cause i read that and i think if it even lasted one year, id die a happy, happy man. 

Im def starting to realize theres a whole bunch of **** we havent talked about though. Maybe i need to get her on here haha. jk i think id die if she actually saw this.


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## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

Beenthere_Donethat said:


> @MRR I def hope thats not the case. I made my intentions clear when she got back from her family at christmas. I told her that I liked her a lot and I think shes beautiful and that I wanted to spend more time with her if shed let me. She said she liked me a lot and I could just tell she was into it. And then somehow her ex found about us hanging out so much or something as has been a total nutter. She showed me some of the texts and stuff. Some real effed up ****.


Actually you did NOTHING to make your intentions clear. Your intention is to have sex with her. From what I read all you said was you wanted to spend more time with her (if she'd let you). If you want to have sex with her, you need to be more forward. Spending time with her, probably just means hanging out as buddies to her.


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## Beenthere_Donethat (Feb 6, 2016)

@Ynot You reckon? we have a pretty good understanding of each other, so i presumed she knew what i meant (as in a relationship/sex) but you could be 100% right. I def hope its not too late to clear that up


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## Beenthere_Donethat (Feb 6, 2016)

Im really starting to have a lot of doubts now. About whether we're on the same page, have the same intentions, ideas...etc


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## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

Beenthere_Donethat said:


> @Ynot You reckon? we have a pretty good understanding of each other, so i presumed she knew what i meant (as in a relationship/sex) but you could be 100% right. I def hope its not too late to clear that up


YOU might have a pretty good understanding, but since it hasn't happened I would have to say you are wrong about her understanding.


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## Beenthere_Donethat (Feb 6, 2016)

@Ynot well ****


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## MRR (Sep 14, 2015)

Ynot said:


> Actually you did NOTHING to make your intentions clear. Your intention is to have sex with her. From what I read all you said was you wanted to spend more time with her (if she'd let you). If you want to have sex with her, you need to be more forward. Spending time with her, probably just means hanging out as buddies to her.


If you cannot even kiss this girl, you are just friends. 

Besides the pedestal you have her on, without even really knowing her--which appears to be an even bigger issue (for you, not her).


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## NotLikeYou (Aug 30, 2011)

Beenthere_Donethat said:


> Im really starting to have a lot of doubts now. About whether we're on the same page, have the same intentions, ideas...etc


Well, Been, I think it's a good thing that you're starting to have doubts, here.

Let's recap. You shared your wife with another man, and now she's with that man.

Your new love interest prefers women to men, hasn't actually been with a man intimately in years, and was about to "swing" with you in front of her idiot partner.

So here's the deal. You didn't ACTUALLY almost have the time of your life. You got manipulated that night, and are continuing to be manipulated. You're putting a lot of effort towards chasing a girl you haven't even groped.

Now, don't get me wrong- the thrill of the chase is exciting. And "I'm such a man, I made my woman like men again," sounds really cool as a life experience.

"Why does my beautiful, previously bisexual girlfriend like going out with her girlfriends all the time, since we've been dating awhile" is a lot less fun.

You might not have really thought this through, but women who prefer other women, have often had really bad experiences with men, the kind that can be described as "baggage," and that really make it difficult to have a healthy, positive relationship with them. At a minimum, you're in for just more drama and BS than you should want to deal with.

I recommend that you-
1) ditch this person, 
2) work through the problems within you that contributed to your marriage failing
3) learn and internalize the simple stuff, like "don't share your woman with other people"
4) don't date people who are into same-sex relationships, or open relationships


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## header (Nov 14, 2015)

NotLikeYou said:


> women who prefer other women, have often had really bad experiences with men


I wholeheartedly agree with everything in this post except the part quoted above which seems right out of left field.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Just ask her out and have some dancing, movies, food, adventurous fun.

Over thinking can kill it.

Be comfortable and confident.

Smile and kiss her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

How old are you ? You really sound young.
Don't date bisexual women. You aren't even dating. You're just wasting time. This girl is t I'm to you like that or you'd know it
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Beenthere_Donethat said:


> Im really starting to have a lot of doubts now. About whether we're on the same page, have the same intentions, ideas...etc


Yea.. talk to her and be very clear about what you want.


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## Beenthere_Donethat (Feb 6, 2016)

@MRR thanks mate, sound advice.
@Evinrude58 not that young, 32 mate. In a lot of ways i get that im a lot younger than i seem. I was a real **** when i was younger and had a very long and extended youth up until about 3-4 years ago when i thought ****** this and joined the ranks of mature working men (haha) and trained as an arborist. Im thinking about training as a paramedic soon though.
@EleGirl @header @ConanHub

Yeah so i asked her to come over and we had a good talk. I laid it all out there (thanks for all the suggestions) and i basically told her: im interested in an exclusive relationship with her, i think shes this that and the other and i like her a whole lot, im a little concerned about where her heads at (in terms with is she or is she not interested in being in a relationship with me, or any dude for that matter) and what her gen thoughts about it are.

She said she kinna figured that I was quite into her and she said theres definitely something there on her side too. She said shes not really sure where she is orientation wise, bisexual she figures, cause shes always been attracted to both m and f. (i can live with that). and she definitely doesnt want a repeat of the situation with her old gf cause she just isnt into that stuff but she was worried that it was the sort of stuff i was into. Her opinion is that now shes tried it, she dont like it and shes been trying not to get too close in case thats the sort of thing im into. and she had figured that i liked her but because i never really said anything she thought we would just be friends. I told her in the past that i was a total **** and ive done a lot of **** im not all that proud of anymore and she seems ok with it. I took your advice @MRR and i made my intentions clear, touching her hair, holding her hand and ****. 

Shes on shift tomorrow night so we made plans to out the next night.

Thoughts anyone?


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Sounds interesting... Why didn't you kiss her? 
Are you looking for a long term relationship with a woman that doesn't even know herself very well? Sounds like someone that will break your heart if you're weak enough to let her have it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Beenthere_Donethat (Feb 6, 2016)

@Evinrude58 not full on kissing but there was some light pecking. What makes you say that about the heart breaking thing?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

How old are the two of you?


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## Beenthere_Donethat (Feb 6, 2016)

@EleGirl im 32 and shes 27


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