# What do you miss most?



## brokenbythis

Well I'm in between this board and going through divorce or separation. I filed for legal separation last week after him being gone from my house since last summer.

I miss sex. Big time. I have not had sex for over 15 mths. I have always been into it and enjoyed it when he was still participating, I just miss it so much. 

I'm nowhere near ready to date and I've never been into picking up random men in my single days before marriage.

uugghh...


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## angelpixie

Yeah. I miss it, too. Been longer for me, but I don't miss it enough to just do it with anyone. I have to have an emotional connection, so until that happens, I'll wait. I had bad (meaning with dishonesty, and without love or even friendship, it turns out) with my Ex, so I don't need to repeat that again.

What I miss most is the companionship of someone of the opposite sex, including affection like cuddling on the sofa to watch a movie, cooking together, making plans and doing something we enjoy together, etc. 

But life can be very good, even without those things. It's worse to waste the good things you have around you trying to find that one thing you're missing. Just a little something I've learned along the way. 

You will be OK, BBT. ((hugs))


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## Forever Changed

Yes. Sex. Would be nice sometimes, especially in the morning. Been the same time for me. Longer, I think. 

But other than that, I don't miss it at all, and coming from a man that must sound odd.

But I take care of myself, as it were.


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## Freak On a Leash

brokenbythis said:


> I miss sex. Big time. I have not had sex for over 15 mths. I have always been into it and enjoyed it when he was still participating, I just miss it so much.
> 
> I'm nowhere near ready to date and I've never been into picking up random men in my single days before marriage.
> 
> uugghh...


It's been about 6 months for me and it was last with my ex husband. It had to be October, maybe early November at the latest. Ouch. And it wasn't very good sex. We stopped having good sex quite awhile before that. It's probably been a year or two since we had GOOD sex. 

Now that I'm single, I have not found anyone that I'm even attracted to, never mind want to date or sleep with. I can't imagine just sleeping with someone just because I'm horny. I have to feel some kind of emotional bond so it could be a LONG time before I'm with someone. 

There are guys out there who are interested but definitely not my type. One guy is really being persistent. I made the mistake of kissing him at a party and now he's constantly texting me asking me to "stop over and visit". Not likely. That's not my style at all. 

I have friends who have gone without sex for years.  I could be one of those. Fortunately I have ways of taking the "edge off" but it's not the same as being with a real live person you care about. 

Yep, that's what I definitely miss the most. The other stuff I'm fine with. I don't get lonely or bored on my own and I'm really enjoying myself. But the sex...Oh geez. It's tough. 

My ex actually asked if I would be into a FWB deal. :rofl: No way!! I may be horny but I'm not CRAZY. Not going THERE. :nono:


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## Freak On a Leash

Forever Changed said:


> Yes. Sex. Would be nice sometimes, especially in the morning. Been the same time for me. Longer, I think.
> 
> But other than that, I don't miss it at all, and coming from a man that must sound odd.
> 
> But I take care of myself, as it were.


It's funny how guys always like it in the morning. :rofl: I hate the mornings. Your mouth feels like an army just marched through it and your hair's a mess..I'm definitely an evening type. Nothing like going to sleep with a smile on your face. 

And I am in the same situation..Take care of myself. It's not as convenient as it is with you guys but quite doible with the right tools.


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## Forever Changed

I get the emotional bond thing. I am very much like that. 

As for FWB, I know that this can never work, do you think it can? Sooner or later, someone always falls in l**e.


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## Freak On a Leash

I have no real desire for a relationship so with the right person that I was friends with and physically attracted to I think it could work. That's a big "IF" though because while I've met men that I'd like to be friends with I haven't met one I've felt any physical attraction towards. 

I had a FWB once with a good friend years ago. He's in a marriage where he and his wife haven't had sex in a year. If he were divorced I wouldn't hesitate but no way would I sleep with a married man and I told him this. He isn't planning on leaving his marriage as he has a child and I told him that was a good idea to work on his marriage for the sake of his child. It's his decision in the end but I'm not going to be the cause of the breakup of his family. 

Too bad, we had a blast for about 6 months and when he got a girlfriend we just reverted back to friends. He's a lot of fun and I'm attracted to him. It would work out great if he was single. 

My ex husband is a whole different story. First of all, I've had a hell of a time becoming emotionally detached from him. The LAST thing I want to do is to fall into "wife" mode and for him to fall back into "husband" mode. I was surprised he asked that. I think it's because one day I asked him if he missed having sex and he thought I was coming on to him. 

I wasn't. The sex wasn't very good with him in the past year and it made me feel like crap afterwards to sleep with him for a number of reasons. One was that he was so disinterested in it, which was a common occurrence in our marriage. I was just curious to know if he missed it because we hadn't had it so long. I guess he has missed it. 

Oh well, that's his problem. I'm not helping him solve it.


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## striker711

I miss having someone there to tell you inner most thoughts to. No amount of spending time with friends has come close to what I felt with her. There is simply no way for me to feel that way without a partner. I also miss the closeness two people can share and having someone I can love. I also miss sex lol its been ten months for me.


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## Forever Changed

Yes, I look at females. 'Think' of them. But I doubt I would go there for a long time.

STBXW didn't want me during her pregnancy (when I was well) because she was too worried about our baby. So we never 'did it' the whole time. I can say honestly that I didn't mind. Just wanted her to be happy and not worry.

I've often though about 'ladies of the night' - but yuk. No way.


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## Forever Changed

But the answer to your original question is that I would like to come home to somone who was happy to see me, cuddling and watching a movie, resting in the afternoon and going out to places together, the extensive travelling. 

Most of all, the laughs and the conversations.


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## Forever Changed

I don't want to turn this into a sex thread but I have to say one thing. And I'm being honest here.

I don't think I care if I never, ever have sex for the rest of my life. I think about it - then 'meh'. Just. not. interested.


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## Dollystanford

Sex is the only thing I miss and like the others, I don't miss it enough to just do it with anyone. But sex with him wasn't good for a while, at least he wasn't the last person I had sex with


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## Holland

striker711 said:


> I miss having someone there to tell you inner most thoughts to. No amount of spending time with friends has come close to what I felt with her. There is simply no way for me to feel that way without a partner. I also miss the closeness two people can share and having someone I can love. I also miss sex lol its been ten months for me.


This was the same for me but sadly it had gone towards the end of the marriage anyway so I had missed it for a long time.
Sex, well my marriage was sexless at the end so nothing to miss there.

I am blessed to have since met the man that now fills those voids, the intimacy, bond, amazing sex and the love we share is beautiful. In my marriage I didn't have a tenth of what I have now.


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## hank_rea

I miss the companionship. It was great having someone to come home to and kiss after work. To lie in bed with and tell about your day. To fight with over the covers....and my ex wife's light snoring actually helped me sleep. To go to the store with and argue over what we needed vs what we didn't need. Rushing to the room when my wife was shivering so that I could warm her with my body. I miss my best friend. I miss my wife. 

My divorce is next Monday. We've been apart since around March 13.


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## whitehawk

Forever Changed said:


> I get the emotional bond thing. I am very much like that.
> 
> As for FWB, I know that this can never work, do you think it can? Sooner or later, someone always falls in l**e.



Spot on. I'm so sick of arguing that point with pushy people saying go on, go on , how do you know that'll happen.
I know because it always does happen , to me anyway.
I'm not saying this is for all women but I can say it's been for almost every girl I've even become good friends with personally , they end up falling in love.
It's broken up nearly every good friendship I've ever had with a girl and you can feel it too so it starts getting weird. And , the guilt kills you. 
You start to realize and feel they're hoping for more even if they hide it but yep , sooner or later it ends up coming out or you feel them starting to think about it .
Friendships, one nighters or casual always seems to be either them or me in the end.

For me I know at first sight how I'm interested in a girl , always have and it never changes. But , if I go against that and just start getting my sex out of it for example , it gets too hard to stay away then. My sex drive starts running my life so if she's not right for me- inevitably in the end , one way or another I'll end up stuck, or in a dilemma, or being guilt ridden. 
Can't win so I try not to get too involved either way. Damn shame because I love female company but it just always seems to get tangled.


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## whitehawk

I miss my best friend too, most of all.

I guess I'll have a new best friend again sometime later on , but I know I'll never have one like her again and with our history . Ex was a true original.


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## whitehawk

Forever Changed said:


> I don't want to turn this into a sex thread but I have to say one thing. And I'm being honest here.
> 
> I don't think I care if I never, ever have sex for the rest of my life. I think about it - then 'meh'. Just. not. interested.


Yeah I can't believe the first thing all the girls bring up is sex.
I'll never get the sex angle , you can have that with any fkg monkey but you can only be best friends, or spend your life with, or tell your deepest and darkest to a spouse.

Aren't women suppose to be the deep ones and the fellas the shallow ones ! Yet basically as long as we just keep fkg your brains out - you'll be happy. Hmm, food for thought !


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## arbitrator

brokenbythis said:


> Well I'm in between this board and going through divorce or separation. I filed for legal separation last week after him being gone from my house since last summer.
> 
> I miss sex. Big time. I have not had sex for over 15 mths. I have always been into it and enjoyed it when he was still participating, I just miss it so much.
> 
> I'm nowhere near ready to date and I've never been into picking up random men in my single days before marriage.
> 
> uugghh...


Like you, I greatly miss the sex~ but so much more than that, the sheer accoutrements that usually lead up to it.


Feeling the essence of her presence there in the house with me, just knowing that she was in my midst.
Her fragrance when she usually approached me from behind, and her warm, but subtle kisses, that she lovingly placed on the nape of my neck when I was usually turned away from her while working at my desk.
Waking up in the morning and just watching her sleep so peacefully while she was snuggled up against me.
Looking into her warm eyes and seeing my happy reflection beaming right back at me, and then to see her lips slowly turn upward into the most warm and contented smile that I think that I have ever seen.
When coming home quite late at night from all of the arduous roadtrips that I had to take, knowing that she was always there to greet me with open arms with the most beautiful gaze that she could ever hope to give you.
Her flirtaceous banter and her genuine sense of caring.

All of this was mine until the advent of FB came into her life, and, in turn, greatly diminished her need for me, as those aforementioned characteristics of love that she had so lovingly enveloped me with, soon was being richly bestowed to other men from her past, all unbeknownst to me!

That's the most painful thing I feel. But given time, I earnestly pray to, once again, experience it, greatly provided that it's God's will!


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## lost hunter

I just miss the old her. The one that I could share every secret with, knowing I would not be judged. I miss her being there, and the love that we shared. 

I know that somewhere down the road, I might find another lover, but I feel that I will never have that bond again. I told her I loved her before we dated, there was just something about her. I also feel that I will never have that bond of trust, if she could do this to me, then I know the next could as well.


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## EnjoliWoman

I miss very little with my ex. Probably just that we did stuff but the pressure to never screw up was immense so I hated it. But what I miss when not in a relationships is that "us against the world" feeling that someone has your back. Someone to share dreams and ideas with, go to the movies with (don't like going alone), snuggle on the couch with, sit on the patio and have a drink with and of course sex. It's been since September (I think). Boyfriend traveled most of October then we broke up early November.


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## brokenbythis

arbitrator said:


> All of this was mine until the advent of FB came into her life, and, in turn, greatly diminished her need for me, as those aforementioned characteristics of love that she had so lovingly enveloped me with, soon was being richly bestowed to other men from her past, all unbeknownst to me!


Ah yes facebook.. My marriage was great until he got on facebook in 2006. Same as above, all of a sudden he had over 700 "friends".. mostly women, and it went downhil fast from there.

I can't say FB caused the demise of my marriage. it only made it extremely easy for him to have adoring females send him intimate messages and stroking his ego. He thought the grass was greener...

Ironically he recently deleted his facebook account. Due to the OW (now ex OW - a woman he used to go to church with when he was a kid who contacted him thru FB) posting pictures of them together and her sonogram pics of my husband's baby for the world to see.


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## angelpixie

Yes, I miss sex, but it's not what I miss most. I didn't marry him for the sex. We married each other because we felt like we were better as a unit than we were separately. And for a while we were. I miss that feeling and what goes with it. And Whitehawk is right. Even if I do find someone else with whom I can have my fantasy relationship (see another active thread in Social Spot, lol), it will never be the same because my 'history' is interwoven with his. But -- that includes some pretty bad sh!t, too. Which I don't miss. At. All.


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## arbitrator

brokenbythis said:


> Ah yes facebook.. My marriage was great until he got on facebook in 2006. Same as above, all of a sudden he had over 700 "friends".. mostly women, and it went downhil fast from there.
> 
> I can't say FB caused the demise of my marriage. it only made it extremely easy for him to have adoring females send him intimate messages and stroking his ego. He thought the grass was greener...
> 
> Ironically he recently deleted his facebook account. Due to the OW (now ex OW - a woman he used to go to church with when he was a kid who contacted him thru FB) posting pictures of them together and her sonogram pics of my husband's baby for the world to see.


Sad to hear, Ms. Broken!

My STBXW had her delinquent kids introduce her to FB and then she went crazier than "a peach orchard sow" seeking out male attention!

She was contacted by her deceased first husband's best friend and business associate, and also by an ex-high school flame, who had turned out to be a medical doctor. Unbeknownst to me, she was carrying on EA/PA's with both, all while I was living in the same house and sharing a bed with me, until such time that she ordered our separation under somewhat false, but believable pretenses~ largely just to make me invisible to her extracurricular pursuits!

And I came to find out the grossly ugly truth about her wanton deception some 10 months post-separation! 

And I seem to be learning more and more about it with each passing day!


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## RandomDude

I miss my daugher chucking a fit at her toys instead of the fact of her chucking fits over missing mummy everytime I fking pick her up. It fking breaks my heart everytime if only she can possibly fking understand it and quite frankly it's p-ssing me off


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## whitehawk

coffee4me said:


> I miss the man I married, lost him somewhere along the way. I miss us, the way we once were. Such a happy and loving young family.
> 
> I miss the dream. That I will have one man, one marriage, one great love and that it will last my lifetime. Damn...that was a good dream.



Me too !


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## ExisaWAW

Wow, what a thread!! It's interesting to read the female perspectives.

For me, I went 16 months w/ o sex. It seemed like an eternity. Initially I didn't want anything to do with it because I still loved my ex wife with all my soul.

Sickening really because she threw away a 13 yr marriage & ruined our young girls chance at a normal life so she could live out her MLC.

I recently hooked up with a girl nearly 25 years younger than me. It's just sex. Perfect for me at this stage as I'm still not completely over my ex.

I think those of us who were cheated on/ rejected probably pine for the way things were. I know I did. I've been divorced almost a year & it has taken my ex to nearly get married again for me to finally realize she's moved on & it's over.

Like many of you, I also miss the dream. I can honestly say that I was super content in my marriage & loved my wife & family with all my heart. Even her betrayal, while it did hurt me, didn't completely change my love for her. Sooner or later though, everyone has to realize there's no use trying to revive a corpse & to move on.

God bless everyone here on ENA who is hurting. I wish everyone peace & a return to happiness.


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## ExisaWAW

whitehawk said:


> Yeah I can't believe the first thing all the girls bring up is sex.
> I'll never get the sex angle , you can have that with any fkg monkey but you can only be best friends, or spend your life with, or tell your deepest and darkest to a spouse.
> 
> Aren't women suppose to be the deep ones and the fellas the shallow ones ! Yet basically as long as we just keep fkg your brains out - you'll be happy. Hmm, food for thought !


Whitehawk, I know, right? One of the things I've learned is that most women will not leave a man who they have an awesome sex life with (huh, who knew). Things can get way dysfunctional in the relationship but if the sex is great, they will hang in there.

All bets are off if the sex is normal/ regular/ not amazing. Then, as soon as anything gets them to think the grass is greener or if they go through a MLC or just get plain 'ol bored, they may go elsewhere & you won't even know until you catch them in an affair or you get served with divorce papers.

Life is weird.


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## NoWhere

Freak On a Leash said:


> It's funny how guys always like it in the morning. :rofl: I hate the mornings. Your mouth feels like an army just marched through it and your hair's a mess..I'm definitely an evening type. Nothing like going to sleep with a smile on your face.


Why not both? 

Plus some of us wake up early, brush our teeth take a shower then come back to bed.


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## hank_rea

NoWhere said:


> Why not both?
> 
> Plus some of us wake up early, brush our teeth take a shower then come back to bed.


I could never....umm...finish...in the morning. I needed to be awake for at least 2 hours before I could even think about having sex. We would always have to try again later. She said she always finished, but women have been known to stretch the truth about their c**maxes.


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## Forever Changed

NoWhere said:


> Why not both?
> 
> Plus some of us wake up early, brush our teeth take a shower then come back to bed.


I agree, that's what I used to do. Get ready and THEN come back to bed.

Morning sex was always the best.

But then again, Afternoon Delight. 

Back in the day when life was simple.


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## WomanScorned

I miss the innocence of thinking you're safe and loved and nothing could change that. I also miss being a family unit and still hate that my kids have to go days without seeing their Dad or me. Coming up on two years here, and sometimes it feels like time hasn't moved on at all.


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## nunikit

The only time I miss my ex is when I'm ovulating....

Then I look at a calendar and figure out what's up. "Oh, never mind, I get what that's about." 

He would with hold sex from me (and I'm not a low sex drive person by any means) and stay away as much as physically possible when he was upset or feeling "disrespected". Dramatic crap.... I felt like the man in that marriage. 

What do I miss most? Not much, I'm happier single and realize that I've been that way for most of my life. Or I have really bad taste in men.... 

The only challenge is juggling kids and school.


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## Freak On a Leash

NoWhere said:


> Why not both?
> 
> Plus some of us wake up early, brush our teeth take a shower then come back to bed.


Because I'm NOT a morning person. I'm a NIGHT person and I want to go to SLEEP after I have sex! Not get up and head out. 

It used to drive me NUTS how my ex would want to have sex and just leap out of bed and just leave me there. Yuck. Pissed me off. 

The best was when we'd have it, fall asleep and then wake up at 3-4 am and do it again.


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## Freak On a Leash

whitehawk said:


> Yeah I can't believe the first thing all the girls bring up is sex.
> I'll never get the sex angle , you can have that with any fkg monkey but you can only be best friends, or spend your life with, or tell your deepest and darkest to a spouse.
> 
> Aren't women suppose to be the deep ones and the fellas the shallow ones ! Yet basically as long as we just keep fkg your brains out - you'll be happy. Hmm, food for thought !


You guys just DO NOT get it, do you? For a women the sex is about the emotional attachment...and when a man withholds sex from you it's a complete and utter rejection that cuts deep into your soul. The things my ex husband did to me with regards to using sex as an emotional weapon I will never forgive. If ANY man plays those games with me again it's over. No second chances. No begging or pleading. He'd better be into me and having sex or we are SO done! 

It's all connected. Plus I'm freakin' HORNY. Is there something WRONG with that? But I'll make MYSELF happy rather than climb into bed with just anyone.

I have a guy now who is constantly after me to "stop by" his place all because I kissed him while drunk at a party. Now he thinks I'm "into" him. Well, I'm not and I don't do booty calls. What an insult that is! I kiss this guy ONE TIME and he assumes I'm just going to run over to his place and jump into his bed? :wtf: 

So if it was all about the SEX then why am I not running over there? Figure it out guys! Sex actually does MEAN something to us!


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## angelpixie

Freak On a Leash said:


> You guys just DO NOT get it, do you? For a women the sex is about the emotional attachment...and when a man withholds sex from you it's a complete and utter rejection that cuts deep into your soul. The things my ex husband did to me with regards to using sex as an emotional weapon I will never forgive. If ANY man plays those games with me again it's over. No second chances. No begging or pleading. He'd better be into me and having sex or we are SO done!
> 
> It's all connected. Plus I'm freakin' HORNY. Is there something WRONG with that? But I'll make MYSELF happy rather than climb into bed with just anyone.
> 
> I have a guy now who is constantly after me to "stop by" his place all because I kissed him while drunk at a party. Now he thinks I'm "into" him. Well, I'm not and I don't do booty calls. What an insult that is! I kiss this guy ONE TIME and he assumes I'm just going to run over to his place and jump into his bed? :wtf:
> 
> So if it was all about the SEX then why am I not running over there? Figure it out guys! Sex actually does MEAN something to us!



I know, FoaL, I'm puzzled by the (willful?) ignoring of what we're actually saying. In both of my posts, I said that I missed the sex, but what I missed _MOST _were the things related to emotional intimacy (which does have a connection to sex, too) and friendship. I think we're allowed to miss more than one thing, right? I'm sure even I could find someone to go to bed with, if that's all I wanted. And it's been probably a hell of a lot longer for me than for everyone else here.  I've had enough rejection, I don't need more, thank you very much.


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## Freak On a Leash

angelpixie said:


> I know, FoaL, I'm puzzled by the (willful?) ignoring of what we're actually saying. In both of my posts, I said that I missed the sex, but what I missed _MOST _were the things related to emotional intimacy (which does have a connection to sex, too) and friendship. I think we're allowed to miss more than one thing, right? I'm sure even I could find someone to go to bed with, if that's all I wanted. And it's been probably a hell of a lot longer for me than for everyone else here.  I've had enough rejection, I don't need more, thank you very much.


:iagree: You got it Angelpixie. :smthumbup: It's all one big ball of wax..the sex, the emotions, the friendship. It's not about the act itself. I could have sex anytime I want but I won't. It has to be with someone I can connect to, have fun with and care about. And who cares about me. 

When I finally started to shut down sexually from my ex husband it was the beginning of the end of our marriage.


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## Freak On a Leash

Forever Changed said:


> So wait a minute.
> 
> I do have a question FOAL.
> 
> Did he withhold sex?
> 
> Or did you shut down sex?


He withheld it. Again and again and again. 

A few times in our marriage, it was good. At one point it was GREAT. But then, he'd turn it off. You have no idea what it's like to be lying curled up in a ball, dressed in sexy lingerie crying because your husband has rejected you, told you to "get away" and also told you that "you take too long to have an orgasm."

He would say to me "What is about you and sex?" :wtf: The 1.5 years he was into being with me sexually were the BEST years of our marriage but just as fast as he turned it on..he turned it off. 

No wonder I cut myself at one point.  I finally wised up and went at it alone and finally didn't need or want him anymore. After 20 years. Best thing that ever happened.

I don't know what's going to be with the next guy. It's going to be a loonnng time before I trust anyone else again. If ever.


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## Freak On a Leash

Oh, BTW. Suffice to say..I'm pretty damn easy on the eyes.


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## nunikit

Freak On a Leash said:


> You guys just DO NOT get it, do you? For a women the sex is about the emotional attachment...and when a man withholds sex from you it's a complete and utter rejection that cuts deep into your soul. The things my ex husband did to me with regards to using sex as an emotional weapon I will never forgive. If ANY man plays those games with me again it's over. No second chances. No begging or pleading. He'd better be into me and having sex or we are SO done!
> 
> It's all connected. Plus I'm freakin' HORNY. Is there something WRONG with that? But I'll make MYSELF happy rather than climb into bed with just anyone.
> 
> :iagree:


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## maincourse99

I miss family. Me, her and our daughter. I miss the good memories she and I created because those memories hurt now. I have no desire to have an FWB or random hookups. I want an emotional connection, love, trust....MONOGAMY. 

I've met some very nice women over the past several months, a couple of them even wanted to sleep with me. Just seemed pointless, and I don't need any complications in my life right now. I have my 12 yo daughter most of the time, she's the focus, but I am looking forward to falling in love again when I know I'm ready.


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## Forever Changed

Love is merely an illusion. A shadows shadow.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## maincourse99

Lol, that's a buzz kill Forever Changed


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## Holland

Forever Changed said:


> Love is merely an illusion. A shadows shadow.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Totally disagree. Have you never felt deep love?


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## arbitrator

Holland said:


> Totally disagree. Have you never felt deep love?


Only the love of our Heavenly Father is far greater!

Over the course of my life, I'll be the first to admit that I have been burned and scarred in my pursuit of mutual romantic love, but it, in no way, is an indicator that I'm willing to give up at it.

I know all too well that there is someone out there that is most capable of loving me, just as I am them!

God doesn't want us to be lonely ~ and He certainly doesn't want us to stop trying!


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## brokenbythis

I often ask God what did I do to deserve what I have been through in my life? Why did my husband do this to me? Aren't I loveable? Worthy of someone's love and fidelity? I have lived my life by the book. I've done everything right and never hurt someone or ripped someone off, never gotten pregnant to trap a man against his wishes, never committed a crime. All I've done is been a devoted wife, mother, daughter, sister, family member and employee.

And I've been screwed over, lied to and hurt by the people I trusted most.


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## Forever Changed

Holland said:


> Totally disagree. Have you never felt deep love?


You see, I very much thought I did. 

I was convinced that I was deeply in love. With all my heart and soul. 

But now that I look back with clearer eyes, I am having my doubts.


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## Forever Changed

brokenbythis said:


> I often ask God what did I do to deserve what I have been through in my life? Why did my husband do this to me? Aren't I loveable? Worthy of someone's love and fidelity? I have lived my life by the book. I've done everything right and never hurt someone or ripped someone off, never gotten pregnant to trap a man against his wishes, never committed a crime. All I've done is been a devoted wife, mother, daughter, sister, family member and employee.
> 
> And I've been screwed over, lied to and hurt by the people I trusted most.


Broken By This. You are worthy. You are one of God's children, as we all are. I have been no saint, but I could have written that myself. 

I ask God this all the time. I get angry sometimes. But we will never know His ways, and why He does this to us. I do know that He has us in His hands.

You are very special. You are more than worthy of good mans love. 

Is he worthy of yours?


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## angelpixie

Forever Changed said:


> You see, I very much thought I did.
> 
> *I was convinced that I was deeply in love. With all my heart and soul.
> 
> But now that I look back with clearer eyes, I am having my doubts.*


This is something that most of us here can say, I'll bet. Now that we know more about relationships, and our own personalities, and are working on ourselves, we should be better able to have healthy relationships the next time around. I heard something on here that made a lot of sense to me: When we are healthier, we attract healthier people. 

Think about it. How many of us thought we had love, but really we had codependence or unhealthy attachment instead? 

We should be hopeful, because the knowledge we've gained can make us stronger in our selves, and better able to make boundaries, and to truly love in a healthy way. And to get out of a situation when we know it's not right.


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## whitehawk

Freak On a Leash said:


> You guys just DO NOT get it, do you? For a women the sex is about the emotional attachment...and when a man withholds sex from you it's a complete and utter rejection that cuts deep into your soul. The things my ex husband did to me with regards to using sex as an emotional weapon I will never forgive. If ANY man plays those games with me again it's over. No second chances. No begging or pleading. He'd better be into me and having sex or we are SO done!
> 
> It's all connected. Plus I'm freakin' HORNY. Is there something WRONG with that? But I'll make MYSELF happy rather than climb into bed with just anyone.
> 
> I have a guy now who is constantly after me to "stop by" his place all because I kissed him while drunk at a party. Now he thinks I'm "into" him. Well, I'm not and I don't do booty calls. What an insult that is! I kiss this guy ONE TIME and he assumes I'm just going to run over to his place and jump into his bed? :wtf:
> 
> So if it was all about the SEX then why am I not running over there? Figure it out guys! Sex actually does MEAN something to us!




Just to piss you off Freak , I rest my case :smthumbup:


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## whitehawk

Na really though Freak but what and you think it isn't all those things, even more to a man too when he loves a women.
I could say women !! here to ,,,,, but I won't 

ps , Women also use and with hold sex to you know btw . They've also been making excuses forever trying to justify there stuff that is unusually no better than ours anyway and the more time goes on the more they show that to be honest.


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## Freak On a Leash

It goes both ways. No gender is "better" than the other. We are all human beings and are screwed up in our own unique ways. You can't stereotype and generalize. It doesn't hold up.


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## whitehawk

Ahh , don't mine me I hate the lot of them right now


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## angelpixie

freak on a leash said:


> it goes both ways. No gender is "better" than the other. We are all human beings and are screwed up in our own unique ways. You can't stereotype and generalize. It doesn't hold up.


^^^^_*this*_^^^^


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## arbitrator

No, Broken! God has not forsaken you or, for that matter, any other distressed person who has sadly been placed in our position. He loves us and whether you know it or not, is continually embracing us. 

Our WS's have richly placed the "free will" pleasure principle far above God's suggested plan. Now does this make God hate them? Absolutely not~ like us, it brings Him to tears to see such actions going adverse to His designed plan for our lives. And like the good Father, in time, He will come to counsel them in such a way that will make them truly ashamed for, not only what they have done, but also for their wanton deception of their spouses, family, friends, and associates in the willful carrying out of their sordid, selfish, and self-justifying actions!

We victims of their willful short-sightedness must learn to separate the fact from the fiction, pray about it, and then try to resolve to move ourselves on to the bigger and better things that the Heavenly Father has in store for us.

No! He has not deserted us! Far from it!


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## Freak On a Leash

Ok..I think some things are better off left here:

Politics and Religion


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## working_together

Freak On a Leash said:


> :iagree: You got it Angelpixie. :smthumbup: It's all one big ball of wax..the sex, the emotions, the friendship. It's not about the act itself. I could have sex anytime I want but I won't. It has to be with someone I can connect to, have fun with and care about. And who cares about me.
> 
> When I finally started to shut down sexually from my ex husband it was the beginning of the end of our marriage.


Sex is the last thing to go in a marriage.


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## working_together

The thing I miss most is having an adult conversation in the midst of children running around. I miss talking about our jobs, or in general, life. I don't miss him though, I just miss things that a relationship would bring.

It's funny, a lot of people mention they miss sex, it was pretty much the first thing I missed when my ex and I split up over a year ago. What's different, is most people don't act on it. I was a bit messed up, and just needed to feel wanted, so I entered a FWB two months after my marriage ended. It certainly was healing, it was exactly what I needed at the time, probably not the best of decisions though, I should have worked through the end of my marriage first. Now that I have been dating the same person for almost 5 months, it feels right, but holy crap relationships are so much more difficult after divorce.


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## Holland

working_together said:


> Sex is the last thing to go in a marriage.


Not in mine. Sex went well before the end of the marriage due to his true nature of being LD. Then others things went like closeness, bonding etc.


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## Freak On a Leash

The sex was so back and forth, up and down in our marriage. I almost always wanted it though, even when things got really bad at the end, I begged and pleaded for it. 

At the end though, after he'd rejected me one too many times and I learned to "go at it alone" I stopped wanting him and avoided it. So I guess it was the last thing to go. 

Stupid man because the day of our divorce he mentioned that we could be "Friends with benefits" and I just laughed and said "Not happening." His timing always did suck.


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## Forever Changed

Hey in my short 2 years of marriage, we only really did it in the mornings on the weekends. I always initiated it. I didn't mind. I didn't understand that there was supposed to be more of it. Like, at night.

But I loved her so very much, that like I have previously stated that I couldn't have cared less in we never had sex again. 

And I can honestly say, with 100% honesty that I did not look at other women when we were together. Not even when I was driving by myself, or ever.


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## Freak On a Leash

Forever Changed said:


> Hey in my short 2 years of marriage, we only really did it in the mornings on the weekends. I always initiated it. I didn't mind. I didn't understand that there was supposed to be more of it. Like, at night..


Don't knock the night time experience 'til you've tried it.  I did the morning sex thing too but my clock just isn't set for the AM. Unless it's 2 am. 

So your wife was one of THOSE women, eh? I can't get the whole one sided thing. I like to both initiate and be come on to. Makes life more exciting. :smthumbup:


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## Holland

Morning, noon and night, anytime suits me. Then again I am one of those horrible women that had the nerve to write here that I missed sex


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## Freak On a Leash

:iagree: I'm with you. At this point I'll take it anytime!  One can't be too fussy these days.


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## Crankshaw

sex ?? whats that ??


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## Holland

Crankshaw said:


> sex ?? whats that ??


OK for those that have forgotten, sex is when two people hug really tight and bits of their bodies fit inside each other like a puzzle.

If anyone needs more help with this just ask


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## Freak On a Leash

Crankshaw said:


> sex ?? whats that ??


:lol: :rofl: Oh man, single life ain't treating you so good,eh? 

What is sex? Well, it's what I DID NOT get much of when I as married! 

Being without is better than being rejected.


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## angelpixie

Freak On a Leash said:


> Being without is better than being rejected.


Yep. 

What I don't miss? That constant push to make the other person happy. In everything. All the time. Or he wouldn't 'survive.' 

With everything I do miss, not having that pressure in every moment of my life is such a weight lifted off. Makes it much easier to do without (the possibility) of sex. Not that we were having any in the last couple months we lived together. 

What I missed _when_ I was married? The feelings of hope and peace and joy. If I ever get into another relationship, I will go into it with my own inner happiness. And he'll have to bring his own to the table, too. I can't and won't even try to 'make him happy.'


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## Freak On a Leash

I stopped by my ex's apartment to talk to him about when my son would be visiting him this weekend. The ex is getting fat. He's got a belly, double chin and he needs a haircut. Ugh. :slap: At least the apartment is clean. 

Just thought I'd throw that in there. I was looking at some of our old family pics on Facebook and he looked so good a few short years ago. 

I miss good looking guys who are in shape. And camping at Lake George. That was fun.


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## Forever Changed

Freak On a Leash said:


> Don't knock the night time experience 'til you've tried it.  I did the morning sex thing too but my clock just isn't set for the AM. Unless it's 2 am.
> 
> So your wife was one of THOSE women, eh? I can't get the whole one sided thing. I like to both initiate and be come on to. Makes life more exciting. :smthumbup:


What do you mean by one of THOSE women FOAL? Yes it was mainly me that initiated it, but if I didn't for a couple of weeks she would. It was all ok. Sure, there were random times but they were few and far between.

So our sex life wasn't great but neither of us minded. We were always busy and tired people and we went to bed really early. 

Such an odd couple we once were in that way.


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## Freak On a Leash

Forever Changed said:


> What do you mean by one of THOSE women FOAL? Yes it was mainly me that initiated it, but if I didn't for a couple of weeks she would. It was all ok. Sure, there were random times but they were few and far between.
> 
> So our sex life wasn't great but neither of us minded. We were always busy and tired people and we went to bed really early.
> 
> Such an odd couple we once were in that way.


No offense meant. You sounded like you were happy, so that's cool.  Everyone's idea of what makes for a good sex life is different. Everyone's sex drive is different. There is no "right" way..only the way that makes you happy. 

And it doesn't have to be just women. I should say "partner". Basically I meant the ones who just lay back and wait for the other person to do it all, every time. My ex was very variable like that. When things were good with us, they were VERY good and he was awesome. I loved it when he was all over me but I can count on one hand how often he was like that in the 24 years we were together. 

But he was like a light switch. And it wasn't just about sex..it was about the whole relationship. He would go cold on me then he shut down. Drove me NUTS. I could initiate til my fingers fell off and he would just turn me away. I couldn't deal with that again. 

It's amazing I still HAVE a sex drive after all the crap he put me through. :slap:


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## Nsweet

I miss cuddling with a woman right before going to sleep, hugging her when she cries and not letting go, taking her side and comforting her with sweet lies just to make her feel good when she's insecure. Once you've been married you just miss the times where you're there for a woman to emotionally support her and be her hero. 

I miss everything, the good and the bad. I miss arguments with a woman and not winning EVER! I miss getting nagged at to improve myself and dress better. I miss the silent treatment and the times you just wish she would stop talking. Everything bad I remember from marriage doesn't seem bad anymore. I just miss getting through the bad times to get to the good.

You talk about sex...... The thing about sex when you're married is once you're with each other for long enough it just gets better. When you figure out each other's bodies and get the feel for it there's nothing like it. Not to sound like a perv, but I really miss eating p*ssy. There I said it. I probably miss it more than I do the sex because in many ways it's better giving a woman an orgasm and being in control the whole time than trying to focus on your own orgasm. But maybe that's just me talking here.:rofl:


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## Freak On a Leash

I still miss sex.


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## Nsweet

If you miss sex that much, you know you could always buy a Hitachi or get a sybian. By the time you miss sex with the real thing again and are ready for a relationship the feeling should return to normal.


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## Freak On a Leash

:lol: :rofl: Those things look like something I'd use for power tools or to charge up the battery of my car with!  :rofl:

I go for a more subtle approach...Here's where I go shopping:

Erotic Shop Sex Toys - Adult Toys Sex Shop - Best Adult Sex Toy Shop

I need to invest in some new toys. It's that time of the year.


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## angelpixie

Toy season?


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## Freak On a Leash

angelpixie said:


> Toy season?


It's spring, when a woman's thoughts turn to sex. Of course I'm like that all year..:rofl:

But it's my birthday soon and I like to buy myself presents. :smthumbup:


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## Nsweet

If you're going to treat yourself and don't want some big honking toy, then go with a LELO or a waterproof vibe for bath time. You're going to spend a little more for either/both options and the charge is going to take longer for the LELO stuff. My ex lez friend that worked at the sex toy shop told me you don't want to go cheap, and LELO was flying off the shelf back then.


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## vi_bride04

LELO - my next "TREAT YO' SELF" purchase when I can afford it!

:smthumbup:

Oh and to answer the thread question, I miss coming home and having someone to share my day with. And hugs. I miss hugs.


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## angelpixie

Yeah. Hugs. And backrubs. Sigh.


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## Dedicated2Her

I have had two relationships in the past year since my divorce. The sex has been amazing in both. Meh, I don't miss the sex. lol


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## angelpixie

I think the point is that those of us that miss the sex haven't had those post-divorce relationships, lol.


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## jpr

I've had a post-divorce relationship that ended recently...and I still miss sex.  ....a lot. 


I mostly miss planning my future with someone else.


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## jpr

Well....no. ...maybe I don't...:scratchhead:


It is nice to be the sole decision-maker. I am enjoying being in control of my own destiny.

I do sort of miss working together toward a common goal, though. ...working as a team.


OH! ...and I miss having 2 incomes. ....I never realized how loaded I used to be.


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## vi_bride04

OMG Yes, the dual incomes.......oh that was so nice.....

but then again, as I sit here and think, I feel I am doing better financially just b/c the ex LOVED to spend every last cent we had and we could never save like I wanted to. 

I have been able to make all my bills, save and take a trip to Vegas and 2 trips to Mexico since moving out....all on just my income...hmmmm


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## jpr

Yes...that is true. I have more in savings now than I ever had when I was married.

..but, that is partly due to me being paranoid that I will run out of money.

My ex could always get a grant or do some consulting work when we needed extra money. But, I don't have those sorts of opportunities, and I can't get a second job because I have a 2 year old.


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## Faiora

I'm a big advocate for sex.

When and if you're in a position where you're morally okay with it (whether that means separated, divorced, or some other key point), I think sex is a good thing to go and find, whether a relationship is involved or not. It feels good (and in fact helps beat depression), it carries fewer risks than ever (as long as you use protection), and it can bring back an exciting side to your life that you may have been missing for a while. Remember teenage infatuation? Now you can have that without crying about it for a week after it ends. 

Sex is healthy. It's good. And it's not that big a deal. 

If you have religious reasons for abstaining, that's absolutely legit. But otherwise, stop and evaluate what's holding you back. You might have no real reason at all. 

On the subject of toys: some of them are just way too fancy nowadays. My fave is a very plain, smooth dil. Well, and hot wax to drip on myself in the bath, but that's another story. ^_~


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## WreckedDan

What I miss most: the look... The look that said I love you
I'm here for you, and I'm glad you're here for me too.

Sex: since it's become such an important part of the conversatio...
After our daughter was born it slowed down but was still amazing
but it never really picked up. After a while she lost her 
interest for a long time, which in turn started to kill mine.
In the last year I started becoming incapable and I think 
that had alot to do with why she left and started an emotional
affair started before leaving. I missed it more during 
the mariage, now I can't even look at porn.

Good luck everyone
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Nsweet

I'll tell you what I don't miss..... Having no money to spend on myself, hearing her complain about every little thing, and weariing underwear. I've been freeballin' for years and I have no plans to change, uless some new girl comes along and takes away that little shred or happiness.


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## Freak On a Leash

The things I DON'T miss would be a forum in itself. I'll just simplify it by saying:

I don't miss ANYTHING at all. Except the sex. And it wasn't very good except for a short period of time anyway.


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## Nsweet

You could always go to a singles bar, meet a nice guy, and f*ck his brains out until you're sick of sex. Should take you two to three days at most, or until your hormone levels come back to normal before the next week.


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## Holland

Nsweet said:


> I'll tell you what I don't miss..... Having no money to spend on myself, hearing her complain about every little thing, and weariing underwear. I've been freeballin' for years and I have no plans to change, uless some new girl comes along and takes away that little shred or happiness.


Why on earth would another person get a say in if you wear underwear? Please don't say you are that weak.

I rarely wear undies, SO thinks it is a present for him when I do wear them, man I love him


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## Nsweet

That was a joke. And I still wouldn't wear underwear.


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## angelpixie

That it was just the two of us making decisions for our child. No interloping OW that he teams up with instead of teaming up with his child's mother. I miss being a team.


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## Holland

angelpixie said:


> That it was just the two of us making decisions for our child. No interloping OW that he teams up with instead of teaming up with his child's mother. I miss being a team.


That would make my head spin off my body, grrrrr. Ex and I have a good situation in this regard, WE co parent our kids, no one else.

I don't want to know the daily stuff when the kids are with him but only he and I make decisions for our children. Only we go to parent/teacher interviews etc. Over time I may be cool with partners coming to something major like a graduation or school play but never anything that requires a decision about their lives or information about their schooling.


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## 3Xnocharm

I miss the physical aspect, the affection. I miss kissing, hugging, snuggling in bed, holding hands, sex.


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## rose petal

I definitely don't miss the sex. The lack of physical attraction was what tore apart my marriage. We ended up living together as siblings more than husband and wife. 

What I do miss is sharing my life with my best friend. He was like a rock that was there for me when I was worried or feeling insecure. 

We are still very close friends to this day. I talk to him on a fairly regular basis, but the bond of marriage that tied us together is not there anymore so things can never be the same.

I'm sure I will find this again somewhere down the road, but no new relationship is going to fill the void that was created when you are no longer with your best friend of over 10+ years.


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## Freak On a Leash

Nsweet said:


> You could always go to a singles bar, meet a nice guy, and f*ck his brains out until you're sick of sex. Should take you two to three days at most, or until your hormone levels come back to normal before the next week.


The odds of my finding a "nice guy" at a bar are about as slim as my being sick of sex. 

Plus, that's NOT my style. At all.


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## waroftheroses

Wilted.....
I read your post...it was very moving...2 years post divorced (after 27 together) and you brought me to tears...  not many things have done that....yet every word hit a nerve.....
Although she was the one who had the PA...and is now married...I miss everything to......including the EXMIL / FIL...who I loved immensely... 
Thank you for writing it...take care!!


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## Nsweet

Freak On a Leash said:


> The odds of my finding a "nice guy" at a bar are about as slim as my being sick of sex.
> 
> Plus, that's NOT my style. At all.


I've found nice women at bars. They're the ones standing out side holding their friends hair while they vomit, and complaining about not having fun around drunken slobs and party sl*ts. All you got to do is find the guy who doesn't drink at the bar and steal him away to talk...... His friends will let him go, unlike how women c*ckblock everyone on a GNO.

You'll chafe and need to take a day off long before you ever get sick of sex.:rofl:


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## Freak On a Leash

A guy who doesn't drink at a bar? Now what fun is THAT? 

You'd think the ex wife of an alcoholic would look for that but I don't want a guy who doesn't drink, I just want one who knows when to stop. I love to drink..but I do know when to stop. That came with age though! :toast:

I know what you mean about women in a group on a GNO but if you had to put up with all the creeps that come on to women in bars then you'd travel in a pack as well. Sorry dude but that's the way life is. 

A lot of the guys I've met are married dudes looking for some extracurricular action. Pretty damn disgusting. It's a pretty sad world we live in. Oh well. 

Sex with strangers, even nice ones, is definitely NOT my thing. For one, I rarely meet a guy who I'm attracted to physically right off and the older I get, the harder it is to find that.  

Plus I'm just not that trusting. I need/want a friend with benefits. Hard to find though.


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## LostInMT

I miss my Best Friend and my Family. I miss that feeling of knowing I had someone waiting at home that loved me. When I would walk through the door to see her smile at me. When I would cook or do dishes and she would just come up and hug me or I would do the same to her.

The affection, that closeness to someone who makes your heart skip every time you see them. The feeling that I knew she loved me.

Our dreams we had together.

Sunday mornings are really bad still. Before we bought our house, we used to get up every Sunday morning and just throw enough clothes on not to get arrested. Wake our beautiful little girl up and we would leave our cramped little apartment and go to the bakery at the local grocery store and load up. Come back home, make some coffee and just stuff our faces on the couch.


I miss my Wife, after everything in a way I feel she died rather than betraying and leaving me.

The dream of raising our Daughter together in the house we just bought.

***********************************************

Now of course to join with everyone else. I REALLY miss sex. I miss it because it brought us closer together but also miss those times it was just more like wild animals going at it! :smthumbup: 

Only been about 3 months for me. Not really sure where I'm headed for this particular craving.


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## BW1

I miss what used to be my best friend. I miss the things I should have done, but took for granted. Big lesson learned.


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