# Cheating right before the wedding



## NatashaYurino

Every now and again we hear stories of people (males and females) who cheat on their furure husbands/wifes at their bachelor/bachelorette parties.

Do you guys believe this common pratice? Is this the norm for most people or it is rare?

Do guy feels it is alright if it's just for that time or do you think it is still cheating?

If you found out, after many years of marriage, that your spouse cheated on you at their BP what would you do? Split or put behind you as just a one-time thing?

Do any of you have any stories?

PS.:By cheating I mean any sort of sexual/intimate behaviour one should have with a SO only. That includes HJs, BJs, kissing, licking intimate body parts, touching genitals, etc...


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## FalseLead

NatashaYurino said:


> Every now and again we hear stories of people (males and females) who cheat on their furure husbands/wifes at their bachelor/bachelorette parties.
> 
> Do you guys believe this common pratice? Is this the norm for most people or it is rare?
> 
> Do guy feels it is alright if it's just for that time or do you think it is still cheating?
> 
> If you found out, after many years of marriage, that your spouse cheated on you at their BP what would you do? Split or put behind you as just a one-time thing?
> 
> Do any of you have any stories?
> 
> PS.:By cheating I mean any sort of sexual/intimate behaviour one should have with a SO only. That includes HJs, BJs, kissing, licking intimate body parts, touching genitals, etc...


Well if you've read my about my now **** marriage you'd see I'm going through something similar, although it was my wife screwing my supposedly best friend during our first six months of dating.

I've been thinking of divorcing her but I don't know if I'm up for it yet. A small part of me still loves her.

I have never heard of any stories like this happening so I don't know if it's common or not.


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## ashamed74

I don't know if it's a common practice. Sure hope not. I cheated on my future wife 2 weeks before our wedding. What I did will always haunt me. I was marrying a woman so fine the priest who married us was talking about how she looked like a movie star. I think she looked better because she was genuine. I acted like nothing but a low life who didn't deserve her. I'd take it back in a heartbeat if I could.


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## alphaomega

Ashamed,

That's very interesting. You had the steak already. But you craved....hamburger? What was missing in your relationship with your then fiancé? Or was it a case of getting it on as much as you could?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Complexity

I think Bachelor parties are the most moronic things ever. I never understood their purpose.


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## alphaomega

Get drunk. Black out. Wake up with a monkey in the hotel room. Or a tiger.

WHat other reason do you need for all that fun?!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ashamed74

alphaomega said:


> Ashamed,
> 
> That's very interesting. You had the steak already. But you craved....hamburger? What was missing in your relationship with your then fiancé? Or was it a case of getting it on as much as you could?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I felt on top of the world and my own selfish appetite lusted for more. It's like being on drugs but I was hooked on fine women and the feeling of power associated with having fine women. It made me feel like a somebody. Plus I really had so much fear the marriage would fail because I, myself did not feel worthy. I thought why did she choose me? I just couldn't feel like anybody could truly love me so I strayed as a way to be the lousy person I thought I was.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Pit-of-my-stomach

Strip club lap dances at BP count as cheating?

lol - I dont think so. not even close. but maybe others disagree. If they do count, Im guilty. My buddies took me out to SC for BatchP arty and payed to have me drug on stage, tied to a chair and giving lap dances by 3-4 different dancers at the same time... it wasn't pleasant as they forgot to ask and it turned out one of the dancers was S&M type... I ended up almost losing contiousness, think I had a bloody lip and a big knot on the back of my head... so would _that_ be cheating???


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## sigma1299

alphaomega said:


> Get drunk. Black out. Wake up with a monkey in the hotel room. Or a tiger.
> 
> WHat other reason do you need for all that fun?!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I love those movies!!

Seriously though - I've always thought bachelor parties were a really bad idea. A bunch of guys with nothing to lose trying to get another guy drunk enough to do something stupid - that sounds like a great plan. I managed to avoid one when I got married.

It's still cheating - there's no free pass because it's a bachelor party.


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## ashamed74

Pit-of-my-stomach said:


> Strip club lap dances at BP count as cheating?
> 
> lol - I dont think so. not even close. but maybe others disagree. If they do count, Im guilty. My buddies took me out to SC for BatchP arty and payed to have me drug on stage, tied to a chair and giving lap dances by 3-4 different dancers at the same time... it wasn't pleasant as they forgot to ask and it turned out one of the dancers was S&M type... I ended up almost losing contiousness, think I had a bloody lip and a big knot on the back of my head... so would _that_ be cheating???


You were tied up and helpless. In no way could that be cheating. If you chose to be tied up then that's a different story.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Pit-of-my-stomach

ashamed74 said:


> You were tied up and helpless. In no way could that be cheating. If you chose to be tied up then that's a different story.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Im a grown man, and not a small one. I could prevented the girls from dragging me on stage...

I was trying to be a good sport, mostly for the benefit of the 100+ people in the club and my gang of buddies as they were hooting and hollering and throwing dollar bills... Trust me when I say they had much more fun than I did... I got hit so hard in the face with some crazy S&M chicks boobies that it busted my lip and the back of my head hit this brass pole on the dance floor so hard (4-5x) that I had a big knot on my head.. Then I got drug around the stage with my own belt around my neck so rough (w/ hand tieds behind my back) I almost passed out/choked to death. It was a very unpleasant experience.

But, I would be curious to hear someone that said they felt that I was cheating by playing along ?...


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## lordmayhem

Pit-of-my-stomach said:


> Im a grown man, and not a small one. I could prevented the girls from dragging me on stage...
> 
> I was trying to be a good sport, mostly for the benefit of the 100+ people in the club and my gang of buddies as they were hooting and hollering and throwing dollar bills... Trust me when I say they had much more fun than I did... I got hit so hard in the face with some crazy S&M chicks boobies that it busted my lip and the back of my head hit this brass pole on the dance floor so hard (4-5x) that I had a big knot on my head.. Then I got drug around the stage with my own belt around my neck so rough (w/ hand tieds behind my back) I almost passed out/choked to death.
> 
> But, I would be curious to hear someone that said they felt that I was cheating by playing along ?...


I've seen this many times. Of course you don't want to cause a scene and be a good sport. It's not cheating at all. I wouldn't be offended if my wife had a party like that. But if she went and blew him in the parking lot or worse, then thats a different story.

I think cheating would be hiring the strippers for a private bachelor party, then taking one in the bedroom and banging her. But being taken on stage and handcuffed and getting a few lap dances, please. Its harmless fun. Unless you got taken backstage or in the parking lot for some extra action.


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## ashamed74

Pit-of-my-stomach said:


> Im a grown man, and not a small one. I could prevented the girls from dragging me on stage...
> 
> I was trying to be a good sport, mostly for the benefit of the 100+ people in the club and my gang of buddies as they were hooting and hollering and throwing dollar bills... Trust me when I say they had much more fun than I did... I got hit so hard in the face with some crazy S&M chicks boobies that it busted my lip and the back of my head hit this brass pole on the dance floor so hard (4-5x) that I had a big knot on my head.. Then I got drug around the stage with my own belt around my neck so rough (w/ hand tieds behind my back) I almost passed out/choked to death. It was a very unpleasant experience.
> 
> But, I would be curious to hear someone that said they felt that I was cheating by playing along ?...


What's sad is as a man I know firsthand how guys condone other guys bad behavior. I've had my own father in law flirt in front of me and act to me like being that kind of guy was acceptable. It's about respecting one's self. Me and my best friend would brag about our conquest. Most women have know idea what their husband really does. Ironically I have a set policy at work that makes a guys advance on a female emplouee a dischargable offense. Even when I acted as a cheater I never attempted to do so in my 12 years as a manager.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lascarx

I won't ever have the full story about what my wife did or didn't do, but my take on it is, if you got it in your substance, you'll keep on doing it. Or maybe if you got the willpower at the start, you won't do it and just someday make yourself crazy with the wanting of it, which makes you just about as useless. If you don't have it in your substance, you won't go there. Counts for everything from cheating on your loved one to cheating on your diet.


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## NatashaYurino

ashamed74 said:


> What's sad is as a man I know firsthand how guys condone other guys bad behavior. I've had my own father in law flirt in front of me and act to me like being that kind of guy was acceptable. It's about respecting one's self. Me and my best friend would brag about our conquest. Most women have know idea what their husband really does. Ironically I have a set policy at work that makes a guys advance on a female emplouee a dischargable offense. Even when I acted as a cheater I never attempted to do so in my 12 years as a manager.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


This is exactly why I don't really like this kinds of events. Most men will tell you that if you trust your bf/husband then you should show it to him and not worry and that it's all harmless. 

Yet most of the times those same men know exactly what's going to happen when they get there. They know that the gf/wife is right about not trusting her bf/husband. Yet they make her feel guilty for doing so. 

And then when she finds out, those same men will try and tell her to forgive the guy because it was only sex and it didn't mean anything to him. 

Usually those men use arguments that would NEVER save a woman had she been the one to cheat on her bf/husband in the same scenario. 

That is why I always get suspicious about my SO taking part on these kind of activities, because I know that his friends will tell him to go ahead and "have fun". That's why women find so hard trusting men.

PS.:I am in no way saying some women don't behave in the same manner. I am only giving you my two cents on how I see this situation from my woman's point of view.


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## ashamed74

Maybe future couples should just get a free pass for the bachelor/bachelorette parties. I'd be curious to see how many guys would go along with this. The worst story I ever heard was the story of where a woman delivered a baby of different race due from having sex with a man of another race at the bachelor party. The whole thing was a surprise to both the husband and wife. The husband walked straight out of the hospital to the divorce attorneys office. Wow


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## NatashaYurino

ashamed74 said:


> Maybe future couples should just get a free pass for the bachelor/bachelorette parties. I'd be curious to see how many guys would go along with this. The worst story I ever heard was the story of where a woman delivered a baby of different race due from having sex with a man of another race at the bachelor party. The whole thing was a surprise to both the husband and wife. The husband walked straight out of the hospital to the divorce attorneys office. Wow


I kind of agree with you. If BOTH agree that for that event only things can be allowed to get a little wild, then it does not classify as cheating. But most couples would not like that idea. The problem is that most people (men AND women) have double-standarts. They want to go wild at their BPs but get pissed off at the thought of their SO doing the same.


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## ashamed74

Some couples are honest about playing. They are called swingers. As much as me and my wife fantasize about going there we both aren't sure we could handle it. We both think, "be careful what you wish for". Besides what we have going on now is plenty exciting.


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## ChristopherConnor29

Personally if I ever get married I would not want any strippers. I know I have at least one friend who would want me to do certain things, for the sake of fun. And I know if I did those things I would have to lie forever.

I guess the big problem with bachelor/bachelorette parties, is that for most people that is one event when all the every day rules of the relationship do not apply. And they hold on to this idea so they can behave in ways which they know are wrong.

Just becuase one is able to rationalize something that happened that day, is does not mean their future spouse has to accept it.

I believe MANY people now-a-days cannot not truly be trusted in that sort of event! Just my two cents of course.


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## Beowulf

Heck, during my bachelor party we all went to a hockey game. I guess we're boring.


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## Dexter Morgan

NatashaYurino said:


> Every now and again we hear stories of people (males and females) who cheat on their furure husbands/wifes at their bachelor/bachelorette parties.
> 
> Do you guys believe this common pratice? Is this the norm for most people or it is rare?


Its only the norm for people who shouldn't be getting married in the first place.




> Do guy feels it is alright if it's just for that time or do you think it is still cheating?


Yes, its cheating. And anyone who thinks they need a last hurrah before they get married, shouldn't be walking down the aisle.




> If you found out, after many years of marriage, that your spouse cheated on you at their BP what would you do?


Divorce them. Just like I already did. Now of course my X cheated during marriage. But the fact she cheated before marriage pretty much dictated the kind of wife she'd end up being anyway.


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## ChristopherConnor29

Dexter Morgan said:


> Its only the norm for people who shouldn't be getting married in the first place.
> 
> Yes, its cheating. And anyone who thinks they need a last hurrah before they get married, shouldn't be walking down the aisle.


I agree with you. I believe that certain activities are for when you are truly single and have nobody to hurt. This goes for men and women, of course.

I am not a stripclub guy myself, have only been three times with friends when I was in my early 20s. But if I were into stripclubs I would be smart enough to "overdose" on them now that I am single. That way I might even be a little embarrassed of something that might happen in there, but at least I would not be cheating on anyone.

I don't see any problem celebrating this moment (getting married) in your life with your friends as long as you don't do anything that could screw up your marriage before it even begins.


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## Falene

In my perspective, a Bachelor/Bachelorette party isn't going to make anyone do something they aren't already doing or going to do anyways. 

Would it be considered cheating? Anytime you pledge yourself to another and betray that trust you are cheating. Duh. 

Is it on the same level of breaking your marriage vows? I am sure the faithful partner would certainly think so.


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## Mrs Chai

> Do you guys believe this common pratice? Is this the norm for most people or it is rare?


I live in a college town which has a surprising amount of weddings so a large amount of bachelor/bachelorette parties occur in this area. I would say about 75% of the ones I've been to or heard of had some sort of occurrence in them that would undoubtedly piss off the soon-to-be SO if they heard about it.



> Do guy feels it is alright if it's just for that time or do you think it is still cheating?


I personally find any action that you would be upset with being reciprocated by another man/woman to your SO shouldn't be done. If you feel betrayed by it, then is that not a form of cheating?



> If you found out, after many years of marriage, that your spouse cheated on you at their BP what would you do? Split or put behind you as just a one-time thing?


I was at my husbands BP, though it was his choice. At the time I was not sure how I felt if he had gone to a strip club or hired a stripper. It made me uncomfortable, which I shared, and he respected that by requesting for that not to be an option. We ended up playing Whirlyball and eating pizza with the groomsmen and bridesmaids.

Had he gone to a strip club? I would not have been happy. Though I never strictly forbade him to go, I wanted it to be his choice. Had he gone beyond that and cheated? Right away, I probably would have called off the wedding. If we were married a while and he came forward about it it'd take a lot of transparency and most likely some MC to stay together.



> Do any of you have any stories?


I'm not a big fan of BPs since I find most of them condone behavior I can't stand. I usually leave before things get too rowdy our out of control. Though there are always stories for the next meetup.

One I went to (that I left nearly right away) involved a video camera, a couch, and a hired escort. That was the evening entertainment, after the ****tails. smh


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## NatashaYurino

Falene said:


> In my perspective, a Bachelor/Bachelorette party isn't going to make anyone do something they aren't already doing or going to do anyways.
> 
> Would it be considered cheating? Anytime you pledge yourself to another and betray that trust you are cheating. Duh.
> 
> Is it on the same level of breaking your marriage vows? I am sure the faithful partner would certainly think so.


From the stories I have read about such events, the biggest problem for both and men and women, is that they most likely have at least one friend who will suggest them do something a bit too sexual in order to say goodbye to the care-free lifestyle they won't have anymore. 

The thing is that many times the brides/grooms actually take those suggestions and then rationalize it was a one-time thing, it was just good fun, it didn't mean anything to them and all those excuses which do not dimish the severity of their actions.

That is why these kinds of events make me worried. I have, in the past, been cheated on by a bf on his birthday party, and he did so with a stripper. Well, she had sex with him so I guess that would make her a prostitute also. 

But anyway, before he went to the party he gave a massive guilty trip in order for me to be okay with the whole thing. He said a lot of things but the main message was: "Fine if you don't want me to go I won't, but... I will always remember you as a controlling gf!" I changed my mind and it backfired on me BIG time.

A lot people say that it's all about trust. But I don't really see it that way, at least not 100%. After all what's so great about being able to trust your SO if they choose no to honor the trust you place on them?

Like I said the issue I have with these events is that most of the times people will use them as an excuse to do things they believe cannot be consider cheating, at least not in that one occasion.

But that's just me, I know everyone may see it in a different manner.


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## NatashaYurino

Pit-of-my-stomach said:


> Strip club lap dances at BP count as cheating?
> 
> lol - I dont think so. not even close. but maybe others disagree. If they do count, Im guilty. My buddies took me out to SC for BatchP arty and payed to have me drug on stage, tied to a chair and giving lap dances by 3-4 different dancers at the same time... it wasn't pleasant as they forgot to ask and it turned out one of the dancers was S&M type... I ended up almost losing contiousness, think I had a bloody lip and a big knot on the back of my head... so would _that_ be cheating???


Well I guess it would depend on what truly happens during a lap dance. Many men say it's harmless. But what does harmless mean? Many men would be pissed at the thought of their women doing the same. Yet they may say when they did was okay, and some women may do the same of course.

Like you said, some people see things in a differeny light. 

Personally I am not THAT comfortable with the idea of my future husband letting a naked (or nearly naked) woman sit on his genitals, rub herself on them, give him an erection and from then on give a fair amount of sexual pleasure, like she is dry-humping him. 

Whould most men be okay with a male stripper rubbing any part of his body on their woman's crotch and give her some pleasure, dry-humping her?

It would also bother me the idea of my future husband licking or putting his mouth someone else's breast.

Most guys would say I am overreacting over nothing, but like I said, many men would not like it either. The thought of their women licking any body part of a stripper, doing body shots, etc...

Maybe this one the problems with bachelor/bachelorette parties isn't it?

Men and women have different ideas of what is acceptabe and what it's not. And most men and women will always want to defend themselves.

In your case, I guess you did not cheat, specially if your girl was alright with what went on.


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## BobArnett

If you know anything about strippers, you know that female strippers keep physical contact to a minimum, they're there to tease, not please. For the vast majority of females strippers, the physical contact with their customers is a cost, not a benefit. Male strippers, otoh, ... well, they actually encourage women to get as physical as they want. 

3 stories: At a party some 15 years ago, I ran into a former male stripper, early 40s, car accident, couldn't work out, decided to get out of the business. I commented that he must've gotten laid an incredible amount, aaaaaand he was off. Talked non-stop for like 20, literally non-stop. I didn't put it all together at the time, but he spoke of bachelorette parties and birthday parties, and towards the end, divorce parties (a lot more popular now). He mentioned that at birthday parties, IF THERE WERE NO MEN PRESENT, he ALWAYS got laid, usually by the guest of honor. At the time, I didn't put together the fact that there are almost NEVER any men at a bachelorette party.

I was told this by a friend right after I told him the story I will tell last. A female friend of his from HS was a bartender. One night they had a 'male revue' perform (strippers). At close, she had finished her stuff and was waiting for the one stripper who was in charge to finish getting all of his lighting, sound system, etc., packed up and removed. He nonchalantly said to her (they were the only ones left in the bar), "I got a bachelorette party to do in an hour, but if you help me with this, we can do it before I go." It took her a minute to understand what he was offering. Right before they put tab 'a' into slot 'b', he mentioned that he probably shouldn't be doing this so soon before the bachelorette party as he was going to [usually does/have to/going to/something along those lines] **** the bride to be.

He told me this right after I mentioned reading an AMA (Ask Me Anything) on reddit from a male stripper. He stated that he stripped for several years, and that EVERY bride-to-be touched and handled his junk. All but two fellated him, and he had PIV sex with all but four. Once when he was sexing a bride-to-be in the bathroom, the GROOM'S MOTHER burst in and started yelling at her soon-to-be daughter in law. Yelling at her to move over and stop hogging all the penis and learn to share. They invited him to the wedding in two weeks, but he declined to attend.

Female strippers don't do this, unless they're also prostitutes, and many are. But they CHARGE MONEY for this. Male strippers do this for FUN.


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## NatashaYurino

Interesting ^^^ But even if female strippers keep contact to a minimum, there is till the lapdancing part, as in her rubbing the man's genitals and giving him a fair amount of sexual pleasure. That's what I don't like about strippers and lapdances. To me that is a form of cheating, my SO getting sexual pleasure from a contact with another woman. He certainly would feel the same way if I did something smilar.


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## ConanHub

BobArnett said:


> If you know anything about strippers, you know that female strippers keep physical contact to a minimum, they're there to tease, not please. For the vast majority of females strippers, the physical contact with their customers is a cost, not a benefit. Male strippers, otoh, ... well, they actually encourage women to get as physical as they want.
> 
> 3 stories: At a party some 15 years ago, I ran into a former male stripper, early 40s, car accident, couldn't work out, decided to get out of the business. I commented that he must've gotten laid an incredible amount, aaaaaand he was off. Talked non-stop for like 20, literally non-stop. I didn't put it all together at the time, but he spoke of bachelorette parties and birthday parties, and towards the end, divorce parties (a lot more popular now). He mentioned that at birthday parties, IF THERE WERE NO MEN PRESENT, he ALWAYS got laid, usually by the guest of honor. At the time, I didn't put together the fact that there are almost NEVER any men at a bachelorette party.
> 
> I was told this by a friend right after I told him the story I will tell last. A female friend of his from HS was a bartender. One night they had a 'male revue' perform (strippers). At close, she had finished her stuff and was waiting for the one stripper who was in charge to finish getting all of his lighting, sound system, etc., packed up and removed. He nonchalantly said to her (they were the only ones left in the bar), "I got a bachelorette party to do in an hour, but if you help me with this, we can do it before I go." It took her a minute to understand what he was offering. Right before they put tab 'a' into slot 'b', he mentioned that he probably shouldn't be doing this so soon before the bachelorette party as he was going to [usually does/have to/going to/something along those lines] **** the bride to be.
> 
> He told me this right after I mentioned reading an AMA (Ask Me Anything) on reddit from a male stripper. He stated that he stripped for several years, and that EVERY bride-to-be touched and handled his junk. All but two fellated him, and he had PIV sex with all but four. Once when he was sexing a bride-to-be in the bathroom, the GROOM'S MOTHER burst in and started yelling at her soon-to-be daughter in law. Yelling at her to move over and stop hogging all the penis and learn to share. They invited him to the wedding in two weeks, but he declined to attend.
> 
> Female strippers don't do this, unless they're also prostitutes, and many are. But they CHARGE MONEY for this. Male strippers do this for FUN.


I wonder how those women even look at themselves in the mirror.

Disgusting tramps.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ConanHub

NatashaYurino said:


> Interesting ^^^ But eevn if female stripper skeep contact to a minimum, there is till the lapdancing part, as in her rubbing the man's genitals and giving him a fair amount of sexual pleasure. That's what I don't like about strippers and lapdances. To me that is a form oc cheating, my SO getting sexual pleasure from a contact with another woman. He certainly would feel the same way if I did something smilar.


No argument here.

Pretty stupid to engage in that behavior after deciding to marry someone.

Hell. I wouldn't even consider someone to be GF material who went to strip clubs, much less private parties with strippers.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ReturntoZero

Things have changed over the years. When guys from work would take us out to clubs in the 80's and early 90's, the girls would tease but not please. I remember one of the cheapest thrills ever was a double dance where two young ASU coed hotties worked me over and teased my ass off. 5 bucks each! I left them a good tip. They danced the way Michelangelo painted pictures. But, I digress.

Times change.

You can get what you want now. Hand jobs are the norm. She'll check your pocket and if it's "enough" (which is not much), you're off to the races. You can even get blown for a little extra.

I was separated and - literally - shocked the first time I found out what was in my pocket was "enough".

Fellatio is such an art that I don't trust strangers who don't give a rip about me. Besides, we're back together, so those days are over.

But, that is the state of play.


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## VirgenTecate

My fiance does not go to strip clubs and even stopped his friend from inviting him to one.

However, even if he did go to a strip club I don't think he would do anything...

Because he is the type to not go to strip clubs.

I think those who insist on having male or female strippers are the type who have looser boundaries on their relationship to the detriment of their relationship (this does not include previously agreed upon boundaries giving the green light where both parties agree to it) and think "Me" before "Us" are going to engage in ****ty, destructive behavior.

Thus, on average, I do not think the normal man or woman is going to have sex with a male or female stripper. But those who seek out the strippers despite their partners interest are going to have sex with the stripper.

That is why you hear that male stripper say he had sex with so many women. 

He would never have a woman like me walk into his clientele base.

I'm trying to refer to a concept in Statistics 101, but I can't remember the name. Selection bias by using telephone or mail where you won't get a truly diverse population, just the people already predisposed to have more heated viewpoints. Strippers are like the telephone or mail. You won't get a diverse population, just people already predisposed to want that interaction but that doesn't represent all married couples.


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## MJJEAN

My husbands idea of a bachelor party was to go to his buddy's house, get drunk, smoke some weed, eat pizza, and play video games. When I asked if there would be women there, he looked shocked. He said "Women?!?!? Hell, no! That's where we go to get away from women!"

Bachelor/bachelorette parties are supposed to be a way to gather your friends and bid a fond farewell to your single days. That doesn't mean there has to be strippers or prostitutes or even people of opposite gender there.


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## bandit.45

If I married a woman and found out she cheated on me, while we were engaged, I would divorce her no matter how long we were married. I was defrauded. I was cheated out of the information I deserved to make an informed decision about the person I was entering into a marital contract with. This is the business side of marriage, and I would be businesslike in how I dealt with it.


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## Roselyn

My husband and I skipped the bachelor/bachelorette party 36 years ago before our wedding. No regrets for skipping this ritual. Subsequent years, neither of us have attended bachelor/bachelorette parties. We leave that to others to take risks in wild parties.


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## ReformedHubby

I didn't cheat at my bachelor party, but one of my brother in laws did. He was encouraging me to partake as well. I am a wayward but we all have our limits. I could never embarrass my wife by behaving that way in front of her family. I never said anything about it. 

I hate to say it but I have never been to a bachelor party where I didn't see more than one married man cheat. Often relatives and male friends of the bride are in attendance. No one ever talks though. I honestly thought of it as normal and accepted because of how common it was.


----------



## Pollo

Pit-of-my-stomach said:


> Strip club lap dances at BP count as cheating?
> 
> lol - I dont think so. not even close. but maybe others disagree. If they do count, Im guilty. My buddies took me out to SC for BatchP arty and payed to have me drug on stage, tied to a chair and giving lap dances by 3-4 different dancers at the same time... it wasn't pleasant as they forgot to ask and it turned out one of the dancers was S&M type... I ended up almost losing contiousness, think I had a bloody lip and a big knot on the back of my head... so would _that_ be cheating???


Yeah, that's still cheating.


----------



## LosingHim

My husbands bachelor party was a bunch of guys playing poker. Mine was a night of bar hopping with the girls.

I did get a lap dance from a man though.

Back in my early 20s I bartended. We always had an unofficial "bouncer" that kind of hung around the bars and took care of the riff raff. He was a crazy SOB. Nice as pie if he liked you. But mean as hell if you caused trouble in the bars.

At my Bach party, we went to a bar I used to work at. He was there. Once he found out it was my Bach party, he took a chair to the center of the stage and made me sit on it. He made the DJ play The Thong Song by Sisqo and proceeded to give me a full lap dance as if I were the man and he was the woman. Complete with rubbing his "boobs" in my face, crawling around like a sexy kitten on the dance floor, etc. It was absolutely hilarious and not the least bit sexual. Throw in the fact that he's a toothless hillbilly and it was that much more comical. I still have pictures. When I told my husband he shook his head and said "you poor thing"
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ConanHub

LosingHim said:


> My husbands bachelor party was a bunch of guys playing poker. Mine was a night of bar hopping with the girls.
> 
> I did get a lap dance from a man though.
> 
> Back in my early 20s I bartended. We always had an unofficial "bouncer" that kind of hung around the bars and took care of the riff raff. He was a crazy SOB. Nice as pie if he liked you. But mean as hell if you caused trouble in the bars.
> 
> At my Bach party, we went to a bar I used to work at. He was there. Once he found out it was my Bach party, he took a chair to the center of the stage and made me sit on it. He made the DJ play The Thong Song by Sisqo and proceeded to give me a full lap dance as if I were the man and he was the woman. Complete with rubbing his "boobs" in my face, crawling around like a sexy kitten on the dance floor, etc. It was absolutely hilarious and not the least bit sexual. Throw in the fact that he's a toothless hillbilly and it was that much more comical. I still have pictures. When I told my husband he shook his head and said "you poor thing"
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


As humorous as this story is, and it is funny, I would still be angry if my wife did that and the guy might lose more than his teeth when I had a "talk" with him about his behavior with my wife.

I do get the gist of your tale however and have to crack a smile.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## LosingHim

ConanHub said:


> As humorous as this story is, and it is funny, I would still be angry if my wife did that and the guy might lose more than his teeth when I had a "talk" with him about his behavior with my wife.
> 
> I do get the gist of your tale however and have to crack a smile.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I understand where you're coming from but hubby knows him too. There aren't many people in my town who don't know him. And it's one of those things where if you knew him, you wouldn't be mad. He's as harmless as a flea in that kind of area, hubby knew it was more embarrassing and silly than anything. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ConanHub

LosingHim said:


> I understand where you're coming from but hubby knows him too. There aren't many people in my town who don't know him. And it's one of those things where if you knew him, you wouldn't be mad. He's as harmless as a flea in that kind of area, hubby knew it was more embarrassing and silly than anything.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I picked up on that.

I'm far more territorial than your H.

Anyone that knows me wouldn't have attempted anything with Mrs. Conan anyway.

Different strokes.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## NatashaYurino

ConanHub said:


> No argument here.
> 
> Pretty stupid to engage in that behavior after deciding to marry someone.
> 
> Hell. I wouldn't even consider someone to be GF material who went to strip clubs, much less private parties with strippers.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I agree 100%. I don't have any problem with my SO going to a friend's bachelor party, but only as long as he sticks to the "look but don't touch" rule, and it includes lapdances. I would have no problem having the same rule for myself.


----------



## VirgenTecate

I guess what I am interested in is this:

There are some people who will never go

There are some people who will go with the intention to cross every boundary and cheat

Then there are regular people who may not go with any intention but end up crossing a boundary because of the cultural ideas of letting it all out and not being "real"

How often is scenario number three? How often does it happen to guys and gals who have good intentions but are pressured? Why do we excuse it?


----------



## LosingHim

My impression has always been that a guys bachelor party is always more sexually charged. Around here, strip clubs are the norm for Bach parties. I have no problems with strip clubs, as long as my husband is honest about them. Ironically, I've suggested we go to one a few times and he always says no. And when I went to one one time, he got mad at me for going.

But I digress.

An old friend had a Bach party thrown by his groomsmen. One of the groomsmen brought a blow up doll as a joke. Funny right?

They ALL ended up screwing the blow up doll, in front of each other, as part of the "fun". Definitely not cheating, but pretty disgusting if you ask me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## anonmd

> Do any of you have any stories?
> 
> PS.:By cheating I mean any sort of sexual/intimate behaviour one should have with a SO only. That includes HJs, BJs, kissing, licking intimate body parts, touching genitals, etc...


No stories. 

Your definition is somewhat ridiculous, better forbid the bachelor party and have the giant argument now rather than wait and find out later. In fact, have well in advance so you can avoid all those non-refundable deposits if he can't comply.


----------



## VirgenTecate

anonmd said:


> No stories.
> 
> Your definition is somewhat ridiculous, better forbid the bachelor party and have the giant argument now rather than wait and find out later. In fact, have well in advance so you can avoid all those non-refundable deposits if he can't comply.


I am not that poster but I don't see how any of what she wrote was ridiculous

Reading this thread makes me sad what people do when they are not held accountable to be quite honest.

That blow up doll story is disturbing to me. Why would you show that in front of your friends? I really hope that we are just hearing the outliers and not the norm.


----------



## Vinnydee

My ex-fiancee cheated on me 6 months before the wedding after we put non-refundable deposits on moth things. For me the answer was clear, I dumped her and she ended up having a bad life and mine is great. Karma.

In my case, my wife was a virgin so I would definitely care if she lost her virginity to another guy after waiting 20 years. If she was not a virgin, I would not care because we do not have a monogamous marriage anyway.


----------



## ConanHub

anonmd said:


> No stories.
> 
> Your definition is somewhat ridiculous, better forbid the bachelor party and have the giant argument now rather than wait and find out later. In fact, have well in advance so you can avoid all those non-refundable deposits if he can't comply.


Seriously? You can't have sexual activity with a stripper before your wedding so why bother?

I guess if you and your fiance are both fvcking around on each other before the wedding it is your idea of fun but not the majority of engaged couples, or even bf/gf believe so.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## anonmd

I said "somewhat ridiculous", now read her entire list. Throw out the ones that don't involve banging a stripper or having the stripper give you an orgasm. 

Now, might an average guy with good intensions be dragged off to a BP by his buddies and be loaded up with a few drinks before the stripper appears and perhaps be goaded in to one or two of what is left?


----------



## Abc123wife

anonmd said:


> I said "somewhat ridiculous", now read her entire list. Throw out the ones that don't involve banging a stripper or having the stripper give you an orgasm.
> 
> Now, might an average guy with good intensions be dragged off to a BP by his buddies and be loaded up with a few drinks before the stripper appears and perhaps be goaded in to one or two of what is left?


From the list you quoted:
"That includes HJs, BJs, kissing, licking intimate body parts, touching genitals, etc." which of those actions would you be OK with? I personally would not be Ok with anything on that list. What of those actions on that list do you think is OK to do to/with a stripper?


----------



## MJJEAN

VirgenTecate said:


> That blow up doll story is disturbing to me. Why would you show that in front of your friends? I really hope that we are just hearing the outliers and not the norm.


In my experience, you're hearing the norm.


----------



## MJJEAN

anonmd said:


> I said "somewhat ridiculous", now read her entire list. Throw out the ones that don't involve banging a stripper or having the stripper give you an orgasm.
> 
> Now, might an average guy with good intensions be dragged off to a BP by his buddies and be loaded up with a few drinks before the stripper appears and perhaps be goaded in to one or two of what is left?


The road to Hell is paved with...

If a man intends to go out and mess around, he's not ready for marriage.

If he goes out with his friends and they give him some liquor and goad him to mess around? A if he does it, he's not ready for marriage and B) he needs new friends.


----------



## VirgenTecate

MJJEAN said:


> The road to Hell is paved with...
> 
> If a man intends to go out and mess around, he's not ready for marriage.
> 
> If he goes out with his friends and they give him some liquor and goad him to mess around? A if he does it, he's not ready for marriage and B) he needs new friends.


Thank you for answering my previous question. That is sad, but I think it has to do with the statistical bias I was talking about earlier.

and yes, I see this whole friends goading you on at a strip club just the same as girlfriends goading the wife during a GNO. I don't see why this topic is so controversial 

I think it has to do with people not wanting to change their behavior.


----------



## ConanHub

anonmd said:


> I said "somewhat ridiculous", now read her entire list. Throw out the ones that don't involve banging a stripper or having the stripper give you an orgasm.
> 
> Now, might an average guy with good intensions be dragged off to a BP by his buddies and be loaded up with a few drinks before the stripper appears and perhaps be goaded in to one or two of what is left?


My fiance doesn't immediately leave when her idiot friends bring in a stripper and I call off the wedding and say bye.

I find out after the wedding and she is single the next day.

Strippers aren't selling life insurance. They're selling their ass to stimulate the audience.

Any touching in that environment is sexual.

Anyone engaging in that isn't ready for marriage much less a bf or gf.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jorgegene

My brother asked me before my current marriage if I wanted a bachelor party and he would throw one. I said no, but sincerely thanks. I dont get the big deal.
I'm going to be married the rest of my life. I dont need a reminder what it was to be a bachelor, since I was one for years.


----------



## lovelyblue

ConanHub said:


> I wonder how those women even look at themselves in the mirror.
> 
> Disgusting tramps.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Well Conan 
1. When you have no shame at all you can to all most anything and not feel remorse.
2. You named it they're "disgusting tramps" or as we call the THOT's.


----------



## larry.gray

LosingHim said:


> They ALL ended up screwing the blow up doll, in front of each other, as part of the "fun". Definitely not cheating, but pretty disgusting if you ask me.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:surprise:

WAAAYYY too gay for me! Sloppy seconds without the real woman. Why not just skip the middle plastic fake lady at that point....


----------



## larry.gray

I got a new installment of "truth is stranger than fiction" (or maybe "never be shocked that women can be every bit as nasty as a man" could be the alternate title). I recently attended a bachelor's party. Nothing shocking among the men's activities. What was shocking is the story told by the groom to be.

Five years prior the groom-to-be broke of the engagement two weeks prior to the wedding. Little was said at the time why, mostly just evasive answers. So someone asks "Are you sure this time? You got cold feet so close last time. Are you sure you're not running away at the last second?"

We then were treated to the REAL story why. The groom and previous fiance lived in a small town. He worked days, she worked evenings. Someone gave him a hint that he should be checking out what she was up to during the day. He got a buddy she didn't know to follow her. Turns out she was driving several towns over, picking up a dude at a bar, then taking him to the guy's place. When confronted, she did not deny. She confessed that she's always done this. Prior to moving to the small town, she hit up swinger clubs. Once in the small town, she figured out a few guys to make her rounds with. To avoid a trail, there was no communication. Just show up and whoever was there "got lucky" that day. She said she was convinced that she would be able to stop once she made vows. He wasn't game to find out.


----------



## bandit.45

Wonder what ever happened to Natasha? Did she return to Russia and resume her figure skating career?


----------



## happy as a clam

bandit.45 said:


> Wonder what ever happened to Natasha? Did she return to Russia and resume her figure skating career?


Huh?  

She's still here. In fact, she's the one who resurrected this near-zombie thread on 1/31/16.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ConanHub

intheory said:


> The bachelor/ette party is a clear example of wanting to cake eat.
> 
> Men and women *who don't really want to be married*----get married---for a mixture of reasons:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> access to an income level they can't get anywhere near on their own
> 
> have someone clean up their mess and organize their life for them
> 
> company and support when they feel alone or depressed
> 
> best environment to have kids in
> 
> a warm body to get sexual release with on a regular basis
> 
> 
> The x-rated goings on at bachelor/ette parties exhibit the kind of life they wish they could have, IF the above needs could be met in some way other than getting married.
> 
> For fcks sake, you're about to get MARRIED.
> 
> As in, "I'm so crazy about this person, there's no-one else in the world that I want anywhere near my junk".
> 
> ^^^^^That's how you oughtta feel right before you get married.
> 
> And if you don't feel that way. Don't get married. Stay single and bang, and fck and s.c.rew and b.low as many people as you want.
> 
> You'll have to accept coming home alone at night. You'll have to accept not having enough money for a 43rd pair of high heels. You're gonna have to make your own meals, kill spiders on your own, wash your own dirty socks.
> 
> When you feel low and sad, you'll have to get through it alone. Friends aren't in love with you; and will get sick of listening to you btch, so you'll have to be your own support system.
> 
> No kids for you; you don't get to force a kid to be born short one parent.
> 
> No reliable source of sex. But you have the freedom to pursue as much porn, strip clubs and one-night-stands as you can get.
> 
> 
> But don't get married. You're not ready.


Hahaha! Tell us what is really on your mind!

Common sense points.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## arbitrator

*Boundaries don't just come in to play sheerly upon "the pronouncement of marriage" by the minister, or the civil authority; it comes into existence just as soon as the relationship is deemed either overtly, or even covertly, mutually exclusive by the couple.

From that point on, any physical or emotional sexual activity with any third party, penetrative or otherwise, is simply an act of cheating! 

Nothing more and nothing less!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## VirgenTecate

ConanHub said:


> Hahaha! Tell us what is really on your mind!
> 
> Common sense points.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


and yet its not so common

You will still have people argue that it is harmless

But for me it is not just the act (But it is certainly a huge part of it)

But the attitude that you want to be sexually stimulated by others when you should be so madly in love with your spouse and when you should be demonstrating your ability to commit


----------



## Abc123wife

anonmd said:


> I said "somewhat ridiculous", now read her entire list. Throw out the ones that don't involve banging a stripper or having the stripper give you an orgasm.
> 
> Now, might an average guy with good intensions be dragged off to a BP by his buddies and be loaded up with a few drinks before the stripper appears and perhaps be goaded in to one or two of what is left?


I was serious with my previous question when you said ridiculous and even now with "somewhat ridiculous." So here is the list from the OP. Which are you OK with occurring between a soon to be groom/wife and a stripper at a bachelor/bachelorette party?

any sort of sexual/intimate behaviour:
HJ?

BJ?

kissing?

licking intimate body parts?

touching genitals?


----------



## anonmd

I did respond, let me be clearer. 

When I got married I happily avoided the whole bachelor party issue, it was not something I was interested in and was happy no one insisted. 

I have been to a couple over the years and there were strippers involved. The dude was sat down on a chair, clothed, and the dancers attention was focused on him. There was no sex but there were no clothes on her and she did wind up grinding on his leg and smothering his face with her boobs at the climax so to speak. 

As I said, not something I was interested in when I got married but I do consider it fairly harmless. Nothing to get divorced over.




Abc123wife said:


> I was serious with my previous question when you said ridiculous and even now with "somewhat ridiculous." So here is the list from the OP. Which are you OK with occurring between a soon to be groom/wife and a stripper at a bachelor/bachelorette party?
> 
> any sort of sexual/intimate behaviour:
> HJ?
> 
> BJ?
> 
> kissing?
> 
> licking intimate body parts?
> 
> touching genitals?


----------



## arbitrator

Abc123wife said:


> I was serious with my previous question when you said ridiculous and even now with "somewhat ridiculous." So here is the list from the OP. Which are you OK with occurring between a soon to be groom/wife and a stripper at a bachelor/bachelorette party?
> 
> any sort of sexual/intimate behaviour:
> HJ?
> 
> BJ?
> 
> kissing?
> 
> licking intimate body parts?
> 
> touching genitals?


*If that's truly the case, then why would any of his or her "well-meaning" friends take him/her to some prearranged gathering or "party," where they would greatly be subject to contributing to the "delinquency" of the betrothed's intended vows! 

If that's truly the case, then exactly what kind of "friends" are these people? 

And just whose prurient interests are they more concerned about?
The betrothed's or perhaps their very own!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## TaDor

Hey, how about a stripper gang-bang? The wife to be, gets banged by 10 strippers a day or so before the big wedding day. She'd ravish the groom!


----------



## NatashaYurino

anonmd said:


> I did respond, let me be clearer.
> 
> When I got married I happily avoided the whole bachelor party issue, it was not something I was interested in and was happy no one insisted.
> 
> I have been to a couple over the years and there were strippers involved. The dude was sat down on a chair, clothed, and the dancers attention was focused on him. There was no sex but there were no clothes on her and she did wind up grinding on his leg and *smothering his face with her boobs at the climax so to speak.
> 
> As I said, not something I was interested in when I got married but I do consider it fairly harmless.* Nothing to get divorced over.


I should make it clear that one of my biggest issues with this sort of behavior, from both men and women, is exactly what each gender considers to be harmless.

It seems, at least to me, that both genders are always going to want to defend their behavior by saying that in their opinion what they did was harmless. But what they truly mean is that it's harmless because it did not affect them, they weren't the ones who may have felt cheated on or at least offended by.

The example you just gave us, about the stripper rubbing her naked breasts on the groom's face. That was harmless, but to whom? To him, who was more than likely having fun with it? Or to his bride, whom may not have agreed with such thing?

Let me explain, from a woman's point of view I would not like it if my SO let another woman, stripper or not, put her naked breasts on his face. Because breasts are seen and thought of as sexual, specially by men. So for me that is a sexual behavior, even if he did not proceed to have sex with her. Harmless to me would be if the stripper rubbed her, let's say her elbow, on his face. 

Why? Because elbows are not seen as particularly or traditionally sexual part of the body. Unless, of course, my SO saw elbows as a sexual part of the body that he lusts after. Breasts in that sense are very sexual, so to my eyes, my SO having his face rubbed by that body part is very intimate. 

I'm pretty sure my SO would not think it's harmless if I rubbed my naked breasts on another man's face. He'd more than likely say it is a form of cheating because it's an intimate form of contact with a man other than him.

Now if the brides linked to the example you gave us are okay with that, than it is a whole different story.


----------



## TheTruthHurts

NatashaYurino said:


> anonmd said:
> 
> 
> 
> I did respond, let me be clearer.
> 
> When I got married I happily avoided the whole bachelor party issue, it was not something I was interested in and was happy no one insisted.
> 
> I have been to a couple over the years and there were strippers involved. The dude was sat down on a chair, clothed, and the dancers attention was focused on him. There was no sex but there were no clothes on her and she did wind up grinding on his leg and *smothering his face with her boobs at the climax so to speak.
> 
> As I said, not something I was interested in when I got married but I do consider it fairly harmless.* Nothing to get divorced over.
> 
> 
> 
> I should make it clear that one of my biggest issues with this sort of behavior, from both men and women, is exactly what each gender considers to be harmless.
> 
> It seems, at least to me, that both genders are always going to want to defend their behavior by saying that in their opinion what they did was harmless. But what they truly mean is that it's harmless because it did not affect them, they weren't the ones who may have felt cheated on or at least offended by.
> 
> The example you just gave us, about the stripper rubbing her naked breasts on the groom's face. That was harmless, but to whom? To him, who was more than likely having fun with it? Or to his bride, whom may not have agreed with such thing?
> 
> Let me explain, from a woman's point of view I would not like it if my SO let another woman, stripper or not, put her naked breasts on his face. Because breasts are seen and thought of as sexual, specially by men. So for me that is a sexual behavior, even if he did not proceed to have sex with her. Harmless to me would be if the stripper rubbed her, let's say her elbow, on his face.
> 
> Why? Because elbows are not seen as particularly or traditionally sexual part of the body. Unless, of course, my SO saw elbows as a sexual part of the body that he lusts after. Breasts in that sense are very sexual, so to my eyes, my SO having his face rubbed by that body part is very intimate.
> 
> I'm pretty sure my SO would not think it's harmless if I rubbed my naked breasts on another man's face. He'd more than likely say it is a form of cheating because it's an intimate form of contact with a man other than him.
> 
> Now if the brides linked to the example you gave us are oknay with that, than it is a whole different story.
Click to expand...

To me it comes down to who did what.

I think this thing occurs because guys will choose to endure a bit of humiliation in the hands of a woman versus humiliating themselves in front of their male friends by being a "baby" and not allowing this humiliation to take place.

Believe me - the purpose is to embarrass the guy - it is not sexual to him most of the time. He's unable to respond or prevent it except by making a scene.

So don't assume the groom is happy with this either.


----------



## ConanHub

TaDor said:


> Hey, how about a stripper gang-bang? The wife to be, gets banged by 10 strippers a day or so before the big wedding day. She'd ravish the groom!


and give him STD's and probably commit paternity fraud.

Were you joking or was that how your bride prepared herself?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ConanHub

anonmd said:


> I did respond, let me be clearer.
> 
> When I got married I happily avoided the whole bachelor party issue, it was not something I was interested in and was happy no one insisted.
> 
> I have been to a couple over the years and there were strippers involved. The dude was sat down on a chair, clothed, and the dancers attention was focused on him. There was no sex but there were no clothes on her and she did wind up grinding on his leg and smothering his face with her boobs at the climax so to speak.
> 
> As I said, not something I was interested in when I got married but I do consider it fairly harmless. Nothing to get divorced over.


Then you would be fine with your wife getting a grinding from a naked stripper and his face in her breasts or his junk in her face.

So you are fine with your wife having sexual activity outside of your marriage as long as it is a bachelorette party.

Not me. I would immediately divorce.

I also would not let myself be led like a little b1tch by my stupid friends or a stripper to betray my SO.

Marriage takes strength and integrity. Something the guy in your story lacks.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ConanHub

TaDor said:


> Hey, how about a stripper gang-bang? The wife to be, gets banged by 10 strippers a day or so before the big wedding day. She'd ravish the groom!


Not enough coffee. I get it!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## VirgenTecate

ConanHub said:


> Then you would be fine with your wife getting a grinding from a naked stripper and his face in her breasts or his junk in her face.
> 
> So you are fine with your wife having sexual activity outside of your marriage as long as it is a bachelorette party.
> 
> Not me. I would immediately divorce.
> 
> *I also would not let myself be led like a little b1tch by my stupid friends or a stripper to betray my SO.*
> 
> Marriage takes strength and integrity. Something the guy in your story lacks.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


That excuse gets thrown around a lot but I do think those men who do it due to peer pressure are weak men.

Yes it is judgmental but it is my honest opinion 

@NatashaYurino,

I agree with you. It is one spouse defining their behavior as harmless behind closed doors when the other one cannot define if that behavior is harmless or not.

For some people it will be harmless and I 100% accept that.

For me it would not be harmless. It cannot be universally defined as harmless. For religious or personal reasons the harmless label cannot define to everyone.

Yes, I would divorce my husband if he used strippers the day before the wedding. He knew my boundaries and the type of woman I am. It would be a huge slap in the face to me. If he said his friends pushed him into it I would find him a weak man and have no interest in staying with him.


----------



## bandit.45

Sorry,


I was thinking of Natasha Popova. My bad. Carry on.


----------



## ReformedHubby

Well....when it comes to peer pressure and these things it isn't one size fits all. Sometimes people just go along with it even if its not what they want. I don't think that's a reason to break off an engagement. My wife did not want strippers at her bachelor party. She wanted to go to dinner with friends and come home for wine and chick flicks.

It didn't work out that way, my sister-in-laws highjacked the whole thing. They made it all about them and what they wanted. My wife wasn't driving so they did end up at a male strip club. I wasn't happy about it. Mainly because she didn't get to do what she originally wanted. I certainly wasn't going to dump her over it though. Not everyone has the personality type to stand up in every situation. She didn't walk out, but her relationship with them was never the same after that.


----------



## VirgenTecate

ReformedHubby said:


> Well....when it comes to peer pressure and these things it isn't one size fits all. Sometimes people just go along with it even if its not what they want. *I don't think that's a reason to break off an engagement.* My wife did not want strippers at her bachelor party. She wanted to go to dinner with friends and come home for wine and chick flicks.
> 
> It didn't work out that way, my sister-in-laws highjacked the whole thing. They made it all about them and what they wanted. My wife wasn't driving so they did end up at a male strip club. I wasn't happy about it. Mainly because she didn't get to do what she originally wanted. I certainly wasn't going to dump her over it though. Not everyone has the personality type to stand up in every situation. She didn't walk out, but her relationship with them was never the same after that.


I understand ReformedHubby. And I can see why your wife went along with it and how it changed your wife's relationship with her sister-in-law.

For me as a woman, I would not be able to respect a man who could not stand up for himself. I would not be able to look at him with desire. 

I think this is a double standard for men and women. I think we are more likely to understand and accept a woman who cannot stand up for herself than a man. 

When you say "I don't think that's a reason to break off the engagement" for some people it will be due to their definition of cheating. I understand your side....I don't know how to convey that to you but I do. I don't think that your thinking or life is immoral. 

I would like for you to understand that I could not live the same way even though I do not see your thinking as wrong. Hearing those words "I don't think that's a reason to break off the engagement" to me and my life is just as much of a slap to my face as it would be to a BS with a WW/WH "just giving a blowjob". That's the reaction I am having to hearing those words.

It doesn't mean that I don't understand what you are saying. But we all have different boundaries and what constitutes of cheating. That's why I don't like strippers being universally thought of as "harmless" because it is normalized. For some individuals it is not. I am one of them.


----------



## anonmd

NatashaYurino said:


> I should make it clear that one of my biggest issues with this sort of behavior, from both men and women, is exactly what each gender considers to be harmless.
> 
> It seems, at least to me, that both genders are always going to want to defend their behavior by saying that in their opinion what they did was harmless. But what they truly mean is that it's harmless because it did not affect them, they weren't the ones who may have felt cheated on or at least offended by.
> 
> The example you just gave us, about the stripper rubbing her naked breasts on the groom's face. That was harmless, but to whom? To him, who was more than likely having fun with it? Or to his bride, whom may not have agreed with such thing?
> 
> Let me explain, from a woman's point of view I would not like it if my SO let another woman, stripper or not, put her naked breasts on his face. Because breasts are seen and thought of as sexual, specially by men. So for me that is a sexual behavior, even if he did not proceed to have sex with her. Harmless to me would be if the stripper rubbed her, let's say her elbow, on his face.
> 
> Why? Because elbows are not seen as particularly or traditionally sexual part of the body. Unless, of course, my SO saw elbows as a sexual part of the body that he lusts after. Breasts in that sense are very sexual, so to my eyes, my SO having his face rubbed by that body part is very intimate.
> 
> I'm pretty sure my SO would not think it's harmless if I rubbed my naked breasts on another man's face. He'd more than likely say it is a form of cheating because it's an intimate form of contact with a man other than him.
> 
> Now if the brides linked to the example you gave us are oknay with that, than it is a whole different story.


Wow, a balanced and somewhat nuanced view, fabulous!:smile2:

Couple of points:

If you felt that way, and there is nothing wrong with that, it would be imperative to make those views known to your future hubby. Which was my original point, have the discussion / argument now. It would be a mistake to assume his views based on some of the fanatical 'moral' responses received hear. My view may not be shared by 100% of the average male population but it is by more than 5%. 


Your husband potentially being upset at you rubbing your bare breasts on some other dude AFTER marriage is clearly different no? But i do appreciate the example:wink2: And, for what it is worth, I am quite sure my wife rubbed her bare breasts and a lot more on a few guys before we got married, well before not involving batchlorette parties. Does not bother me in the least. Would I be upset if she rubbed her bare breasts in another mans face today, after marriage? Probably, I'd have a hard time imagining a situation where that was, if not ok at least slightly excusable. But I do not own her or insist she go out in public wearing a burka.

And finally, for those who keep asking 'how would you feel if your wife'? The gang bang suggestions are assinine. Short of the 'rubbing his bare junk in her face' suggestion which seams not the same as the female stripper rubbing her junk on a clothed leg, I'd be ok with a little o. Not happy about it but not super upset. Which is about the reaction the one bride whose reaction I am aware of had.


----------



## wmn1

ConanHub said:


> I wonder how those women even look at themselves in the mirror.
> 
> Disgusting tramps.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I agree Conan. Disgusting pigs. And they move on like nothing happened witht heir wedding dress, the ring, talking of 'love' and 'kids' and making it like 'it was only a little bit of fun' but God forbid the guy does the same.

Really disgusting behavior


----------



## wmn1

ConanHub said:


> No argument here.
> 
> Pretty stupid to engage in that behavior after deciding to marry someone.
> 
> Hell. I wouldn't even consider someone to be GF material who went to strip clubs, much less private parties with strippers.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



This !!!!


----------



## ConanHub

anonmd said:


> Wow, a balanced and somewhat nuanced view, fabulous!:smile2:
> 
> Couple of points:
> 
> If you felt that way, and there is nothing wrong with that, it would be imperative to make those views known to your future hubby. Which was my original point, have the discussion / argument now. It would be a mistake to assume his views based on some of the fanatical 'moral' responses received hear. My view may not be shared by 100% of the average male population but it is by more than 5%.
> 
> 
> Your husband potentially being upset at you rubbing your bare breasts on some other dude AFTER marriage is clearly different no? But i do appreciate the example:wink2: And, for what it is worth, I am quite sure my wife rubbed her bare breasts and a lot more on a few guys before we got married, well before not involving batchlorette parties. Does not bother me in the least. Would I be upset if she rubbed her bare breasts in another mans face today, after marriage? Probably, I'd have a hard time imagining a situation where that was, if not ok at least slightly excusable. But I do not own her or insist she go out in public wearing a burka.
> 
> And finally, for those who keep asking 'how would you feel if your wife'? The gang bang suggestions are assinine. Short of the 'rubbing his bare junk in her face' suggestion which seams not the same as the female stripper rubbing her junk on a clothed leg, I'd be ok with a little o. Not happy about it but not super upset. Which is about the reaction the one bride whose reaction I am aware of had.


Thanks for your response. So you wouldn't be happy with your wife having a stripper touch her sexually, maybe as long as her clothes were on? But not divorce worthy.

If it happened more than once or is once the limit?

This discussion was about engaged or married folks definitely not about retroactive jealousy.

Every man I know including myself would consider it cheating what you have described. I will concede that some of the population, that aren't swingers, are like you because you're an example right here and you know others that wouldn't mind their SO's being rubbed sexually as a divorce worthy act even though they wouldn't be happy about it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## wmn1

ConanHub said:


> My fiance doesn't immediately leave when her idiot friends bring in a stripper and I call off the wedding and say bye.
> 
> I find out after the wedding and she is single the next day.
> 
> Strippers aren't selling life insurance. They're selling their ass to stimulate the audience.
> 
> Any touching in that environment is sexual.
> 
> Anyone engaging in that isn't ready for marriage much less a bf or gf.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



yep, agreed 100%


----------



## wmn1

happy as a clam said:


> Huh?
> 
> She's still here. In fact, she's the one who resurrected this near-zombie thread on 1/31/16.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Natasha is a Russian name and there are figure skaters named Natasha. I thought that comment from Bandit was hilarious


----------



## wmn1

NatashaYurino said:


> I should make it clear that one of my biggest issues with this sort of behavior, from both men and women, is exactly what each gender considers to be harmless.
> 
> It seems, at least to me, that both genders are always going to want to defend their behavior by saying that in their opinion what they did was harmless. But what they truly mean is that it's harmless because it did not affect them, they weren't the ones who may have felt cheated on or at least offended by.
> 
> The example you just gave us, about the stripper rubbing her naked breasts on the groom's face. That was harmless, but to whom? To him, who was more than likely having fun with it? Or to his bride, whom may not have agreed with such thing?
> 
> Let me explain, from a woman's point of view I would not like it if my SO let another woman, stripper or not, put her naked breasts on his face. Because breasts are seen and thought of as sexual, specially by men. So for me that is a sexual behavior, even if he did not proceed to have sex with her. Harmless to me would be if the stripper rubbed her, let's say her elbow, on his face.
> 
> Why? Because elbows are not seen as particularly or traditionally sexual part of the body. Unless, of course, my SO saw elbows as a sexual part of the body that he lusts after. Breasts in that sense are very sexual, so to my eyes, my SO having his face rubbed by that body part is very intimate.
> 
> I'm pretty sure my SO would not think it's harmless if I rubbed my naked breasts on another man's face. He'd more than likely say it is a form of cheating because it's an intimate form of contact with a man other than him.
> 
> Now if the brides linked to the example you gave us are oknay with that, than it is a whole different story.


very well put


----------



## anonmd

ConanHub said:


> Thanks for your response. So you wouldn't be happy with your wife having a stripper touch her sexually, maybe as long as her clothes were on? But not divorce worthy.
> 
> If it happened more than once or is once the limit?
> 
> This discussion was about engaged or married folks definitely not about retroactive jealousy.
> 
> Every man I know including myself would consider it cheating what you have described. I will concede that some of the population, that aren't swingers, are like you because you're an example right here and you know others that wouldn't mind their SO's being rubbed sexually as a divorce worthy act even though they wouldn't be happy about it.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Once, as the bride to be at her party, ok with a small 'o'. 'Happy about it' is too strong, not upset. If I was that would be pretty hypocritical. 

As a married women now? Sure, I'd be more upset. Divorce worthy? I don't think so. Would I (am I) ok with her very occasionally witnessing a male stripper from the audience? Yep. Again, saying I was 'happy about it' would be going too far. I could see her texting during the show and bringing her enthusiasm home afterwards. With 20 years behind us I actually trust my wife.


----------



## ConanHub

anonmd said:


> Once, as the bride to be at her party, ok with a small 'o'. 'Happy about it' is too strong, not upset. If I was that would be pretty hypocritical.
> 
> As a married women now? Sure, I'd be more upset. Divorce worthy? I don't think so. Would I (am I) ok with her very occasionally witnessing a male stripper from the audience? Yep. Again, saying I was 'happy about it' would be going too far. I could see her texting during the show and bringing her enthusiasm home afterwards. With 20 years behind us I actually trust my wife.


I'm into my 25th year with mine and trust her. We don't allow what you do however.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## jetzon

i have been to several bp's , all ive ever seen is bj's , i dont think its right but i dont think it ever meant anything to the bachelors receiving the bj's , heck as drunk as they all were i doubt most of them even remembered it the next day . but on the other hand i sure wouldnt want my future wife to have some guy go down on her at her bacheloret party !!


----------



## ConanHub

ReformedHubby said:


> Well....when it comes to peer pressure and these things it isn't one size fits all. Sometimes people just go along with it even if its not what they want. I don't think that's a reason to break off an engagement. My wife did not want strippers at her bachelor party. She wanted to go to dinner with friends and come home for wine and chick flicks.
> 
> It didn't work out that way, my sister-in-laws highjacked the whole thing. They made it all about them and what they wanted. My wife wasn't driving so they did end up at a male strip club. I wasn't happy about it. Mainly because she didn't get to do what she originally wanted. I certainly wasn't going to dump her over it though. Not everyone has the personality type to stand up in every situation. She didn't walk out, but her relationship with them was never the same after that.


My fiance, now wife, would not have entered the club and called me to pick her up.

If you're ready for marriage you're ready to enforce sexual boundaries.

I would not have married my wife if she couldn't even protect our boundaries because her family was pushing her.

Marriage is work and when engaged, you have accepted the job and claimed you are up to the task.
_Posted via Mobile Device_

Did she just watch or , like most bachelorette parties with strippers, did she touch and get touched by strippers?


----------



## TheTruthHurts

If my W was rubbed by a stripped she'd be more upset than I would. Rubbed - I'd be ok. Her "doing a little oral" would be totally out of character. If it happened and was brief and she told me I could move in pretty easily but I'd probably add it to some role play.

I've been to tons of strip clubs when younger and she never had a problem, though I always told her and I didn't like table / lap dances and avoided them.

We trust each other so it's not a problem.

Sex at bachelor or bachelorette party - can't imagine that and I suspect it would be time to reassess the persons character


----------



## anonmd

ConanHub said:


> I'm into my 25th year with mine and trust her. We don't allow what you do however.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


That's cool. For some reason, 'we don't allow that' sounds more reasonable than I'd divorce her immediately.


----------



## GusPolinski

anonmd said:


> Once, as the bride to be at her party, ok with a small 'o'. 'Happy about it' is too strong, not upset. If I was that would be pretty hypocritical.
> 
> As a married women now? Sure, I'd be more upset. Divorce worthy? I don't think so. Would I (am I) ok with her very occasionally witnessing a male stripper from the audience? Yep. Again, saying I was 'happy about it' would be going too far. I could see her texting during the show and bringing her enthusiasm home afterwards. With 20 years behind us I actually trust my wife.


"O" as in "orgasm"...?

ETA: Nevermind. I get what you're saying.


----------



## ConanHub

anonmd said:


> That's cool. For some reason, 'we don't allow that' sounds more reasonable than I'd divorce her immediately.


Yeah. If we didn't agree we wouldn't have married.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## anonmd

Lol  (to Gus)


----------



## NatashaYurino

anonmd said:


> *Your husband potentially being upset at you rubbing your bare breasts on some other dude AFTER marriage is clearly different no? *


Yeah I didn't mean me doing the same after we are married. But I'm happy you brought that up because that is also something I think about and wonder if some people use that sort of thinking with their SO after they're married to get away with what they did.

What I mean is, if you think it's okay for you SO to also do some of those things, you should let them know while they can still do it. 

Because if I heard of my SO doing some rather sexual things on his BP after we got married only to hear him say something like "Oh I was going to be okay if you also had done it on your BP...did I forget to tell you that?" "Oh well, no you can't do it to make things even because now we are married and doing such a thing now would have a whole other meaning." 

I would feel he may have done that on purpose just to trap me in a position where I have to accept what he did, you know because for him it was harmless and we weren't even married yet, without even having the option of telling him I'm going to do the same so we are on even grounds again. 

It's like those married folk who used to hook up with people while they were only dating their now spouse, and they claim it wasn't cheating because when you're dating it's not as big of a committment as when you're married. Except they rarely let their BF/GF know this information, probably because they want to keep this privilege only to themselves, and then act as if their BF/GF should have known they could have done it too. But now of course it's too late because we are married so...

Also when I said the breasts on the face thing, what I meant is that I would not accept my SO doing that with another woman while on a relationship with me. If he has done that before we were together, it would not bother me, because well...we were not together. Completely different scenario, I would not want to hear the stories :grin2:, but I would not be bothered either.


----------



## NatashaYurino

wmn1 said:


> Natasha is a Russian name and there are figure skaters named Natasha. I thought that comment from Bandit was hilarious


Yeah I also understood it as a joke, for the same reason you did. :grin2:


----------



## VirgenTecate

NatashaYurino said:


> Yeah I didn't mean me doing the same after we are married. But I'm happy you brought that up because that is also something I think about and wonder if some people use that sort of thinking with their SO after they're married to get away with what they did.
> 
> What I mean is, if you think it's okay for you SO to also do some of those things, you should let them know while they can still do it.
> 
> Because if I heard of my SO doing some rather sexual things on his BP after we got married only to hear him say something like "Oh I was going to be okay if you also had done it on your BP...did I forget to tell you that?" "Oh well, no you can't do it to make things even because now we are married and doing such a thing now would have a whole other meaning."
> 
> I would feel he may have done that on purpose just to trap me in a position where I have to accept what he did, you know because for him it was harmless and we weren't even married yet, without even having the option of telling him I'm going to do the same so we are on even grounds again.
> 
> It's like those married folk who used to hook up with people while they were only dating their now spouse, and they claim it wasn't cheating because when you're dating it's not as big of a committment as when you're married. Except they rarely let their BF/GF know this information, probably because they want to keep this privilege only to themselves, and then act as if their BF/GF should have known they could have done it too. But now of course it's too late because we are married so...
> 
> Also when I said the breasts on the face thing, what I meant is that I would not accept my SO doing that with another woman while on a relationship with me. If he has done that before we were together, it would not bother me, because well...we were not together. Completely different scenario, I would not want to hear the stories :grin2:, but I would not be bothered either.


I agree. I think a lot of times that "I can do this before the marriag" isn't talked about prior so assuming it is harmless may not be a correct assumtion.

It also seems more like "this is how I justify my behavior"


----------



## ReformedHubby

ConanHub said:


> My fiance, now wife, would not have entered the club and called me to pick her up.
> 
> If you're ready for marriage you're ready to enforce sexual boundaries.
> 
> I would not have married my wife if she couldn't even protect our boundaries because her family was pushing her.
> 
> Marriage is work and when engaged, you have accepted the job and claimed you are up to the task.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_
> 
> Did she just watch or , like most bachelorette parties with strippers, did she touch and get touched by strippers?


I guess you'd have to know my wife. She just wasn't that assertive back then. I encouraged her for years to be more assertive. She is better at it now, but back then no way would she have rocked the boat.

She says she just watched. I have no reason not to believe her. I say this because had she never told me she went, I would never have known.


----------



## ConanHub

ReformedHubby said:


> I guess you'd have to know my wife. She just wasn't that assertive back then. I encouraged her for years to be more assertive. She is better at it now, but back then no way would she have rocked the boat.
> 
> She says she just watched. I have no reason not to believe her. I say this because had she never told me she went, I would never have known.


Thanks. Good that she is healthier about enforcing boundaries.

Do you think she realized she might have been jeopardizing her relationship with you?

It might not have occurred to her but did you ever discuss it and if so, how did that discussion go?

I might have the opportunity to help someone with insight into your story.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ReformedHubby

ConanHub said:


> Thanks. Good that she is healthier about enforcing boundaries.
> 
> Do you think she realized she might have been jeopardizing her relationship with you?
> 
> It might not have occurred to her but did you ever discuss it and if so, how did that discussion go?
> 
> I might have the opportunity to help someone with insight into your story.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Well, certainly don't want to thread jack the OP. But, I do believe she knows I would have been upset about it. I think that's why she chose to divulge it. As far as a detailed discussion. That never really happened. My primary focus has really been more about keeping my own house in order. My wife isn't my problem. Being the man she deserves is my issue. I know she is a much better person than me when it comes to fidelity and morals. Coming from her family that's saying something. I never told my wife, but I saw both of her brothers cheat at my bachelor party, and they encouraged me to do the same. I didn't cheat at my party because I thought it was weird that my wife's own brothers were willing to look the other way. It was unsettling for me. I was getting ready to marry their baby sister. Regarding her father, he is basically the same as me, he had multiple affairs, and I think that's why my wife thinks it is normal. I honestly appreciate you trying to help ConanHub. But, in all honesty I would have to write a novel on here for people to even begin to grasp things.


----------



## ConanHub

ReformedHubby said:


> Well, certainly don't want to thread jack the OP. But, I do believe she knows I would have been upset about it. I think that's why she chose to divulge it. As far as a detailed discussion. That never really happened. My primary focus has really been more about keeping my own house in order. My wife isn't my problem. Being the man she deserves is my issue. I know she is a much better person than me when it comes to fidelity and morals. Coming from her family that's saying something. I never told my wife, but I saw both of her brothers cheat at my bachelor party, and they encouraged me to do the same. I didn't cheat at my party because I thought it was weird that my wife's own brothers were willing to look the other way. It was unsettling for me. I was getting ready to marry their baby sister. Regarding her father, he is basically the same as me, he had multiple affairs, and I think that's why my wife thinks it is normal. I honestly appreciate you trying to help ConanHub. But, in all honesty I would have to write a novel on here for people to even begin to grasp things.


Thanks all the same. I'm interested in your wife's thought process that night and for the next week or so afterwards.

If you ever want to broach the subject with her I would be fascinated to have insight if you wanted to share.

So were you having strippers for your BP?
_Posted via Mobile Device_

This isn't a TJ. It is very much in line with the OP.


----------



## VirgenTecate

ConanHub said:


> Thanks all the same. I'm interested in your wife's thought process that night and for the next week or so afterwards.
> 
> If you ever want to broach the subject with her I would be fascinated to have insight if you wanted to share.
> 
> So were you having strippers for your BP?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_
> 
> This isn't a TJ. It is very much in line with the OP.


I think it is in line too and it is very interesting.

Especially because it shows how these things can get out of hand and the pressure involved. 

I would be interested to know if they were strippers as well.


----------



## wmn1

VirgenTecate said:


> I think it is in line too and it is very interesting.
> 
> Especially because it shows how these things can get out of hand and the pressure involved.
> 
> I would be interested to know if they were strippers as well.


I agree.

I guess I don't understand. If someone doesn't want their SO to have junk thrown in their face while they are serious, then why is it ok a weeks before marriage.

It makes no sense to me.

My party was the guys doing guy things without any strippers. My wife didn't even have one.

I will never get the concept. I never will.

My wife is completely ethical and I am proud of that. She had me pick her up during such a party and she was disgusted. I am glad I have someone with such morals. I am proud of it


----------



## VirgenTecate

wmn1 said:


> I agree.
> 
> I guess I don't understand. If someone doesn't want their SO to have junk thrown in their face while they are serious, then why is it ok a weeks before marriage.
> 
> It makes no sense to me.
> 
> My party was the guys doing guy things without any strippers. My wife didn't even have one.
> 
> I will never get the concept. I never will.
> 
> My wife is completely ethical and I am proud of that. She had me pick her up during such a party and she was disgusted. I am glad I have someone with such morals. I am proud of it


This is completely how I feel. 


And I guess that is the frustration posters have been having with me. I just never will get the concept no matter how many times it is explained to me. I think it would be the same if I were a man despite higher testosterone levels. Its not about sex. Its about being true to my word of lifelong commitment. 

The ethical strength of the bond with my fiance is what makes me want to be his life long partner. 

I don't understand the "don't be a killjoy" when it comes to marriage. Its a tough commitment and you are going to have to be a killjoy at times. If you don't like the sacrifices it entails such as exclusive sex, don't sign up for it.


----------



## ReformedHubby

ConanHub said:


> Thanks all the same. I'm interested in your wife's thought process that night and for the next week or so afterwards.
> 
> If you ever want to broach the subject with her I would be fascinated to have insight if you wanted to share.
> 
> So were you having strippers for your BP?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_
> 
> This isn't a TJ. It is very much in line with the OP.


Regarding my wife's thought process. She was actually really hurt that her sisters-in-law, turned what she planned into something else. They never even apologized to her. They told her in so many words that they really needed a night like that, and that one day she would understand. They also assumed that my wife didn't want strippers there because of me, when in reality she didn't want strippers because she thought they were gross. My sister-in-laws then felt the need to lecture her about not being "controlled" in her marriage. It actually got pretty ugly. My wife's best friend and mother even intervened. Like I said the relationship with them was never the same after that.

As far as my party was concerned, I'm not proud of it but yes there were strippers there. It started out innocent enough, but then they started doing drawings for prizes. My BIL won one and his prize was to use a dildo on the stripper in front of everyone. Regarding the other stuff, people that were interested could basically go upstairs with a stripper, and thats what the other brother did.


----------



## wmn1

VirgenTecate said:


> This is completely how I feel.
> 
> 
> And I guess that is the frustration posters have been having with me. I just never will get the concept no matter how many times it is explained to me. I think it would be the same if I were a man despite higher testosterone levels. Its not about sex. Its about being true to my word of lifelong commitment.
> 
> The ethical strength of the bond with my fiance is what makes me want to be his life long partner.
> 
> I don't understand the "don't be a killjoy" when it comes to marriage. Its a tough commitment and you are going to have to be a killjoy at times. If you don't like the sacrifices it entails such as exclusive sex, don't sign up for it.


No frustration here. I agree with you 100%. I will never get the concept.


----------



## wmn1

ReformedHubby said:


> Regarding my wife's thought process. She was actually really hurt that her sisters-in-law, turned what she planned into something else. They never even apologized to her. They told her in so many words that they really needed a night like that, and that one day she would understand. They also assumed that my wife didn't want strippers there because of me, when in reality she didn't want strippers because she thought they were gross. My sister-in-laws then felt the need to lecture her about not being "controlled" in her marriage. It actually got pretty ugly. My wife's best friend and mother even intervened. Like I said the relationship with them was never the same after that.
> 
> As far as my party was concerned, I'm not proud of it but yes there were strippers there. It started out innocent enough, but then they started doing drawings for prizes. My BIL won one and his prize was to use a dildo on the stripper in front of everyone. Regarding the other stuff, people that were interested could basically go upstairs with a stripper, and thats what the other brother did.


Sad. Your wife did well to stand her ground. It is amazing the appalling behavior by the SILs and for them to blame you for being 'controlling' I guess it exposed them for how they are.


----------



## ReformedHubby

wmn1 said:


> Sad. Your wife did well to stand her ground. It is amazing the appalling behavior by the SILs and for them to blame you for being 'controlling' I guess it exposed them for how they are.


Although I am generally not a fan of my my SILs. Their husbands were apparently down for debauchery too. I guess I can't really give anyone a pass in this situation. However, I was the most upset at the SILs because they hurt my wife. All she wanted to do was watch Steel Magnolias and drink wine, and they perverted the whole thing. If I had told the fellas I didn't want strippers. They would have respected that.


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## ReformedHubby

humbled sinner said:


> A girl i knew went to a bachelorette party and had sex with male stripper. Then she got married and nine months later had a african american baby. Problem was her husband was white. He left her at hospital and had marriage annulled immediately. She raised the boy alone.


Heh, heh, nice try.


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## dragonfly0804

Why do you think you did it? My husband began an affair with a co-worker a month and half before our wedding and it continued for 8 months off and on. Obviously I found out and it was crushing. There were so many things going on at that time - it was the perfect storm for it. I can forgive the affair, what I have a hard time with is that he actually got up there and made vows to me. I truly believe he intended to keep them, however **** fell apart immediately after. I know there will never be one answer that comforts me or that I can fully grasp and understand. Just curious what your reason was.


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## snerg

More Brains!

really old Zombie thread


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## SentHereForAReason

NatashaYurino said:


> Every now and again we hear stories of people (males and females) who cheat on their furure husbands/wifes at their bachelor/bachelorette parties.
> 
> Do you guys believe this common pratice? Is this the norm for most people or it is rare?
> 
> Do guy feels it is alright if it's just for that time or do you think it is still cheating?
> 
> If you found out, after many years of marriage, that your spouse cheated on you at their BP what would you do? Split or put behind you as just a one-time thing?
> 
> Do any of you have any stories?
> 
> PS.:By cheating I mean any sort of sexual/intimate behaviour one should have with a SO only. That includes HJs, BJs, kissing, licking intimate body parts, touching genitals, etc...


I would say things like close dancing, rubbing, maybe even a small kiss might be common, might be. Anything above that would be uncommon and cause for concern for lack of self control whether it was before or after the actual nuptials.


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## samyeagar

Zombie thread of course, but a question and issue that is always broadly relevant as it pertains to different views and attitudes.


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## marriageontherocks2

I've been to a lot of bachelor parties and while most had strippers of some sort, I never witnessed cheating by the groom. I know 2 women (friends' fiances' and a 3rd who had a ONS 2 nights before the wedding and got caught) who had their marriage called off for having sex with the male stripper at their bachelorette party. Not sure what my anecdotal evidence provides other then having naked people and lots of booze at a party your future spouse isn't invited to a couple weeks before your wedding is a bad idea.


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## sokillme

marriageontherocks2 said:


> I know 2 women (friends' fiances' and a 3rd who had a ONS 2 nights before the wedding and got caught) who had their marriage called off for having sex with the male stripper at their bachelorette party.


That must have done wonders for her life. Loser.


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## CharlieParker

marriageontherocks2 said:


> I've been to a lot of bachelor parties and while most had strippers of some sort, I never witnessed cheating by the groom.


Same, and in my experience there's generally a pre-party talk about look but don't touch, and to watch out for the groom and keep him out of trouble. 

I went to a friend's bachelor party and didn't know most of the people there. When I arrived I joked really loudly "Where are the hookers?". That did not go over well with that crowd.


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## 10th Engineer Harrison

I've been to a handful of strange bachelor parties. My own was the funniest. I didn't drink in those days, and had only smoked pot for a few months about 3 years prior to meeting my wife. So we had Dr Pepper at my bachelor party. And one of my sisters crashed it about the middle. A lot of hilarity and fun, as I recall. 

Several years later, I attended a BP of an acquaintance who was friends with a number of guys I knew. So I went. They hired a prostitute for the bachelor. He's no longer married to that gal. I think it only lasted a couple years. 

Another BP with a stripper that a close friend of mine had thrown for him in his own house. My friend wouldn't "partake" though the opportunity definitely presented. I told my wife about that one and the one with the prostitute after I knew what happened. Oddly, a friend of my friend's refused to attend the BP because he knew they planned to get us all to chip in for "entertainment" and he said "you can buy a lot of trouble with that kind of money". Ironically, just a year or so later he ran off on his wife with a gal he carpooled to work with.

Another friend's bachelor party with no alcohol, and his best friend wanted him to come out to strip clubs with all of us. He reluctantly went, but wouldn't get out of the car once we got there. So we soon went back home and just talked for a few hours and went home. He's still married to the same gal 35 years later.

-10th Engineer Harrison.


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## Taxman

I took my son to Las Vegas for his 21st bday, I wanted to show him the town, teach him some blackjack, and see what I had been talking about for years. We are in a casino (where else?) when a bachelorette party comes thru. My son spots a purse on the floor, and tells me to sit tight, he was going to return it. He comes back a minute or two later, and says the ladies asked him out for a drink to thank him. I am already three sheets to the wind so I tell him to meet me back at the room, as I need to bag a few Z`s. I get back to the room, and basically pass out. I wake up at 7am, and no sign of the kid. I pass out again, and hear him come in at 9:30. My first words, so, did someone get lucky? Yup. So one of the pretty bridesmaids? No. Then who? Dad, I slept with the bride. My response: You know that really was not cricket. Well since what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, let us hope that the groom never gets your name and address.


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## TX-SC

I didn't have a bachelor party and my wife didn't have a Bachelorette party. I actually wanted to spend time WITH my future wife and didn't feel the need to have a wild night without her.

When I lived in New Orleans, I didn't spend a ton of time in the French Quarter, but I spent enough to see plenty of Bachelorette parties and saw first hand on several instances the bride-to-be cheating or about to. It turned my stomach. 

Sent from my SM-N950U using Tapatalk


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## Rubix Cubed

CharlieParker said:


> Same, and in my experience there's generally a pre-party talk about look but don't touch, and to watch out for the groom and keep him out of trouble.


 I've been to a few and this was always the case at all of those as well.


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## wmn1

dragonfly0804 said:


> Why do you think you did it? My husband began an affair with a co-worker a month and half before our wedding and it continued for 8 months off and on. Obviously I found out and it was crushing. There were so many things going on at that time - it was the perfect storm for it. I can forgive the affair, what I have a hard time with is that he actually got up there and made vows to me. I truly believe he intended to keep them, however **** fell apart immediately after. I know there will never be one answer that comforts me or that I can fully grasp and understand. Just curious what your reason was.



how can you forgive the affair ?

That is your first problem..... IMO


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## wmn1

marriageontherocks2 said:


> I've been to a lot of bachelor parties and while most had strippers of some sort, I never witnessed cheating by the groom. I know 2 women (friends' fiances' and a 3rd who had a ONS 2 nights before the wedding and got caught) who had their marriage called off for having sex with the male stripper at their bachelorette party. Not sure what my anecdotal evidence provides other then having naked people and lots of booze at a party your future spouse isn't invited to a couple weeks before your wedding is a bad idea.


Yes, deal breaker with me. Getting nailed by a male stripper days before our wedding. Yes it's off. Disgusting.


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## Roselyn

No bachelor nor bachelorette party for neither of us. That was 37 years ago. :smile2:


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## Roselyn

wmn1 said:


> Yes, deal breaker with me. Getting nailed by a male stripper days before our wedding. Yes it's off. Disgusting.


How did you find out? Do tell!


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## Dyokemm

I have a friend, not a really close one but I have hung out quite a bit through mutual buddies....

A few years ago, he was getting M......I had casually met and been introduced to his fiancée a few months before his wedding date, only time I ever met her but I knew what she looked like.

Well I was out at a bar with some friends one night, and in comes this rowdy group of girls....the fiancee’s bachelorette party.

I recognized her, but didn’t think much of it at first, just went back to talking to my buddies.

It kept getting louder and crazier over at the table where these girls were......and one time I looked over there I saw the fiancée lay back on the table with her shirt pulled up and some dude doing a body shot off her belly then burying his face in her chest.....after that she stands up and starts passionately kissing this fool.

Well....I called up my close friend who was really close with the groom, got his number, then called the poor guy up and told him he better get his a** down to this bar to see what his fiancée and her friends were up to.....or he was going to really regret it.

He thanked me.....showed up with his brother about 20 minutes later.....

And WOW.....did that turn into an ugly drama scene.

Fiancée starts bawling, her friends upset and telling the groom he is overreacting because she was just drunk and having a little harmless fun......the douche OM decides he is going to ‘rescue’ her from her raging ‘a**hole’ man, which naturally led to some fisticuffs between the brothers and this POS and his friends.

I heard from my mutual friend that they DID end up getting M after all.....and are still together today, though I have no idea what the health of their M is.

I have no doubt in my mind though, that if I hadn’t called my friend up and tipped him off to what was going down, his fiancée would have done the same thing as the bride Taxman described his son meeting in Vegas a few posts ago....

She was drunk and not slowing down......and the POS was so sure and determined he was going to get some that he even challenged the groom when he got there.

I’m sure the fiancée and her friends would have sworn that nothing ever would have happened (in fact they WERE doing this in tears at the time).....but I think that’s bullsh*t.

IMO from what I have seen of this and other Bachelor/Bachelorette parties......signing up for one last night of drinking and wild fun with your friends is simply asking for a bad situation to happen.

Wiser to pass it up.


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## sokillme

Your whole life really rides on your marriage and you basically decide to burn it down to the ground the night before. I will never understand people.


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## wmn1

Roselyn said:


> How did you find out? Do tell!


No it didn't happen to me, Ros. I was speaking from a hypothetical situation


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## wmn1

Roselyn said:


> No bachelor nor bachelorette party for neither of us. That was 37 years ago. :smile2:


we had a mutual one. Nice bar in Gettysburg with my wife, me and some of our closest friends. Completely clean and legit


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## samyeagar

Over the past weekend, my step daughters boyfriend of two years talked to her mom, brother and I, and he is going to propose to her in New York over a Christmas vacation they are taking in a few weeks. This thread popped into my mind once the initial happy reaction subsided.

Knowing how things have gone at previous bachelorette parties my wife, step daughter, and others in their group have been involved with, while nothing full on has ever happened, they have a mindset where they tend to walk very close to the fine line, and just the slightest push is all it would take. I have my concerns.


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## Roselyn

samyeagar said:


> Over the past weekend, my step daughters boyfriend of two years talked to her mom, brother and I, and he is going to propose to her in New York over a Christmas vacation they are taking in a few weeks. This thread popped into my mind once the initial happy reaction subsided.
> 
> Knowing how things have gone at previous bachelorette parties my wife, step daughter, and others in their group have been involved with, while nothing full on has ever happened, they have a mindset where they tend to walk very close to the fine line, and just the slightest push is all it would take. I have my concerns.


You should talk to your wife about her unsettling behavior with her daughter. She is the mother, after all and should look after the health of a marriage. How did you find out that your wife & step daughter are high risk takers in situations as in bachelorette parties?


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## samyeagar

Roselyn said:


> You should talk to your wife about her unsettling behavior with her daughter. She is the mother, after all and should look after the health of a marriage. How did you find out that your wife & step daughter are high risk takers in situations as in bachelorette parties?


I have heard plenty of conversations between them and other female friends and family to know what the general attitudes are with regards to girls nights out, bachelorette parties, strippers and where their lines are. While I have not heard of them doing anything that is obviously cheating, there have been enough things that are at least very distasteful and pushing limits and spoken about openly without shame or regret. Things that I personally would have a very difficult time with such as hiding rings on GNO so guys will buy them drinks, body shots, rubbing baby oil on strippers chests, things like that. My sister in law's bachelorette party included the old stand by of lillipops in the garter while they were barhopping, and random guys in the bars would pay money to reach up the skirt and pull one out. That was apparently pretty lucrative...she made over $100 from it. Add in copious amounts of alcohol, difficulty with peer pressure, and it's not a great situation.

My wife and I have had conversations about all these kinds of things and knows with complete certainty and no ambiguity where I stand, and what my boundaries are, and what I will do if they are crossed.


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## Andy1001

I was in Vegas about eight years ago at a bachelor party for a work colleague.At one stage a bachelorette party (complete strangers)came into the same bar and we all mingled with each other.When I was leaving the bar I seen a group of people in the parking lot and some of them had been at the party.I went over to see what was going on,the bachelorette was giving the bachelor a blow job and some of her friends were filming it on their phones.Just the thing to show at the wedding reception.


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## Volunteer86

My wife's friend went to one and she said that all but one brides maid hooked up with the grooms men while they were in Vegas.


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