# How do I get the painful, toxic crap out of my head?!



## midwestshopgrl (Sep 24, 2010)

It is coming up on 5 months since my husband has had any form of contact to or from the thing he was cheating with (to call this person a woman is an insult to real women.) I am really having a hard time getting her out of my head! Her voicemails telling my husband that she loves him and that she just wanted to hear his voice haunt my daily! The vision of her nasty, fugly, hoebilly hick, overbiten face just infuriates me! My husband has gotten to deal with the deserved, devestated, hurt wrath, I feel so cheated by not getting to confront her with how i REALLY feel about her. I so want to scream her name out all over the internet so that everyone knows what a wh**re she is! While I was on vacation in NYC this summer, I actually went and bought a fat black sharpie with intentions of writting her cell phone number in every subway bathroom, inviting others to call her and let her know what a wh**re she is! I want to send a bulk mailer to her work letting her co-workers know that she cheats with married men and that they should watch their backs, that she was having an affair with one of her million dollar customers. I HATE that this b**ch is going about her life without knowing how much pain she has been 50% of causing! I know this is wrong and I know that if i did any of these things it would have a horrible backfire effect on me but I feel such a lack of closure on this! What can I do? How do I get this undeserving B*TCH OUT OF MY HEAD FOR GOOD!?


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

If you and your H are still together, then you can say you have won. That, only sometimes helps me. Another thing I do is when the dark thoughts come back I force them out with positive thought, like the behaviors my W is doing that effect me in a positive way.
My W is doing alot to help me heal, so the things that make me feel good are the weapons I use in fighting the hate. In addition, I have choosen not be this negitive person, I keep telling my self that I'm better then that, and I diserve good things. So when the OM grap starts getting to me I force it out in many different ways. The important thing is i choose to fight it off and not let it get the better of me.

Its tuff as hell but I refuse to be hateful, living with revenge is not living at all, its a BS way to live, and I can do better. I guess its part of forgiveness, to let go of the hate for the OP.


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## DanF (Sep 27, 2010)

the guy said:


> If you and your H are still together, then you can say you have won. That, only sometimes helps me. Another thing I do is when the dark thoughts come back I force them out with positive thought, like the behaviors my W is doing that effect me in a positive way.
> My W is doing alot to help me heal, so the things that make me feel good are the weapons I use in fighting the hate. In addition, I have choosen not be this negitive person, I keep telling my self that I'm better then that, and I diserve good things. So when the OM grap starts getting to me I force it out in many different ways. The important thing is i choose to fight it off and not let it get the better of me.
> 
> Its tuff as hell but I refuse to be hateful, living with revenge is not living at all, its a BS way to live, and I can do better. I guess its part of forgiveness, to let go of the hate for the OP.


That's exactly what I do.
Time will likely make those feeling diminish and eventually go away. Have you contacted her and told her how you feel?
I want to contact the OM, but he's a coward and refuses to meet with me.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Yes, my wife knows I'm still healing, and we are doing great. Our marraige is way better then it ever was.

I felt there was no reason to contact the other men, most are long gone, and the last one she was with is in jail. My W referrs to them as bandaids, and has pealed them off as quickly as she has found them.


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## pochael (Apr 12, 2010)

WOW... First you need to look at your own selfishness first. Why is she so much more wrong than him? If you have been able to forgive him, then YOU MUST as well forgive her. I know he went through what you feel satisfied with. And your pride was stepped on by her and she did not pay for it yet. On and On and On. You will justify any thought, as long as your pride is in haywire. But in reality... That is completely you hurting you. 

I know, you are saying right now, you did nothing wrong and she did this to you... She needs to pay for it. 

Please take the time to look within yourself. It is not worth that hatred, that spite.


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## OldTex (Nov 14, 2010)

If you can not find some way to get these HATEFUL, REVENGEFUL, dthoughts out of you system it will turn you into a bitter person. Then she WON. Do you go to Church. I am in my second week of seperation. First week angry, hurt, resentful. I have been through so muck with my W. She had a drug problem She had a one night stand (I think it has only been on). I searched the net to find a way to get Her back. I prayed to God to open Her eyes and to bring Her home. What I found was God opened my eyes. He made me realize how I was. Not really trusting, no talking, Basically doing what I wanted. We can not let other people consume so much of our thoughts. Talk to a Pastor. ask God to let you heal. It will be granted. Wishing you the best. Good luck and God bless you and yours


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## midwestshopgrl (Sep 24, 2010)

I really am trying to keep things positive. My husband is a difficult man. we truely are the definition of "opposites attracting". He is trying to make things better but they are very small steps which makes it slow in getting past this crap. I really do keep those positive steps in mind though and except them as his way of doing them. I also do not fully blame her or him for that matter for what happened, I know that it takes two to make a marriage make it or break it, but this person does play a large role. She could have said no but she didnt. she just kept on know that he is a married man with 3 kids and a 20 year life that didnt include her until recently. I didnt invite her into my life and now that she is here i am not supposed to have anything to say about it?! That is hard for all of us I think. I dont think Im being self, i think I just dont care for being a door mat. I do however realize that i do not want to be bitter and hateful-that is NOT who I am. I do believe that what goes around comes around and that she will get EXACTLY what she deserves and that will have nothing do do with me! I really just needed to vent and appreciate the support. Thanks to all of you and I also wish you all the best!


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## Eli-Zor (Nov 14, 2010)

You can vent, you are hurting and yes you have a right to be annoyed. Your husband should be doing everything to help you get through this. As for the OW, she is not worth the air you used to say her name.

Look after yourself.


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## midwestshopgrl (Sep 24, 2010)

the guy said:


> If you and your H are still together, then you can say you have won. That, only sometimes helps me. Another thing I do is when the dark thoughts come back I force them out with positive thought, like the behaviors my W is doing that effect me in a positive way.
> My W is doing alot to help me heal, so the things that make me feel good are the weapons I use in fighting the hate. In addition, I have choosen not be this negitive person, I keep telling my self that I'm better then that, and I diserve good things. So when the OM grap starts getting to me I force it out in many different ways. The important thing is i choose to fight it off and not let it get the better of me.
> 
> Its tuff as hell but I refuse to be hateful, living with revenge is not living at all, its a BS way to live, and I can do better. I guess its part of forgiveness, to let go of the hate for the OP.



I am very happy to hear that you and your wife are doing well and that she is really trying. I am going to really take your advise and just push those thoughts out of my head. I know in time it will go away-just impatient right now! Thank you and good luck to you!


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## midwestshopgrl (Sep 24, 2010)

Eli-Zor said:


> You can vent, you are hurting and yes you have a right to be annoyed. Your husband should be doing everything to help you get through this. As for the OW, she is not worth the air you used to say her name.
> 
> Look after yourself.


Thank you! I couldnt agree more!!!!


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## jessi (Feb 11, 2009)

Hi there, 
boy can I hear your anger and I can relate, I too think that a woman have codes among ourselves, women that can do this to another is not worth anyone's efforts or thoughts........
I said to my husband once that she is the kind of woman all other warn each other about........she is not the kind of woman that we can trust our men with..........
I think what you have to hold on to, is your husband gave up that type of woman for a good woman like you.......
What that dirtbag woman didn't realize was your strength to be the better woman..........DO NOT LET HER WIN......you be the better woman, show your husband his choice to stay with you was the best one................one day soon, he will thank his lucky stars he didn't end up with her..................
Women like that show their true colors to everyone sooner or later, even your husband........
Keep your chin up, don't let your husband see that anger with her anymore, tell him she isn't worth thinking about anymore.....
Then if you get angry still, try this, I scream in my car when I drive to where I'm going, it works great, feel great when I get where I'm going........
There is no way the OW for any of us are ever going to win.......REMEMBER THAT
((((hugs)))))


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## midwestshopgrl (Sep 24, 2010)

DanF said:


> That's exactly what I do.
> Time will likely make those feeling diminish and eventually go away. Have you contacted her and told her how you feel?
> I want to contact the OM, but he's a coward and refuses to meet with me.



I have tried to contact her two different times about 8 months ago and asked her to get in touch with me but she too is a coward. Im sure its for the best as she really doesnt want to hear what i have to say. Good luck with your wife as well and thank you for the advise! I really do appreciate it!


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## midwestshopgrl (Sep 24, 2010)

jessi said:


> Hi there,
> boy can I hear your anger and I can relate, I too think that a woman have codes among ourselves, women that can do this to another is not worth anyone's efforts or thoughts........
> I said to my husband once that she is the kind of woman all other warn each other about........she is not the kind of woman that we can trust our men with..........
> I think what you have to hold on to, is your husband gave up that type of woman for a good woman like you.......
> ...


Jessi,
thank you so much! I know what you mean about the code! This woman was a sales person of ours for a product line that we stock our shop with and she tried to pass herself off as my friend. I will never understand why or how a woman can do what she did! I only hope someone does it back to her someday so that she can feel the same pain she has caused. I love your technique and i will for sure be trying that out! I try to write alot. I will put down whatever i need to say no matter how bad it is or how much sense it makes and then i rip the pages out and burn them in the bbq. seeing the ashes fly away is kind of like me visualizing the thoughts just floating away. Thanks for the hug, hugs back to you and good luck with your healing journey as well!


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## LuvMyH (Nov 11, 2009)

I've had a really hard time dealing with anger toward the OW, too. I have four sisters and grew up thinking that women should have each others' backs. Obviously, not everyone feels that way. 

Recently, I learned that the woman my husband had a lengthy affair with was cheating on her husband for reasons that were major issues with my husband. After I got past the initial shock, my anger toward her started to dissolve. He deceived her, too. I still don't think very highly of her, but the anger has subsided. Your husband most likely told the other woman lies and made her feel special for a while. She probably had problems that caused her to seek out male attention and see other women as enemies or atleast competition. I am learning to feel sorry for people like that. 

It does get better with time. You have to fight off the negativity, don't let it make you bitter. Easier said than done, but don't let it consume you. I like Jessi's idea of a good primal scream when it gets bad. When all else fails for me, I put on my favorite song and... Dance.It.Out.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tilly (Oct 28, 2010)

My H is still with his OW and boy can I get what you mean. I was actually looking for a thread on how to get bedroom activities out of the mind but yes I feel this anger too. I refuse to speak with the OW the last time she hung up on me, I would have too to be honest, I think she got the message though. 

I would never harm her as she is naive in all this, she is like a puppet with her strings being pulled and acting accordingly. Thick, stupid and very naive too unfortunately. 

I cannot listen to this OW voice on my answer machine, I mean who the frances does she think she is even calling me, in my opinion she should be sat in the corner hanging her head in shame but no, there are women like this. 

She texted me to let me know she was having lunch with my H and her parents, I texted back they much be so proud, she has been in jail had her kids removed from her and now she is sleeping with a married man! 

Jessies idea is good, loud music is good too, rock music, Blondie is actually strangely good for this purpose.

I do hope things continue to improve for you.


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## notreadytoquit (Jan 11, 2010)

tilly said:


> she has been in jail had her kids removed from her and now she is sleeping with a married man!


There is your revenge! She is some piece of work!


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## tilly (Oct 28, 2010)

notreadytoquit said:


> There is your revenge! She is some piece of work!


I know, her parents must be so proud of her.


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## TooTired (Jul 26, 2010)

I feel exactly like you do!! For me at first I would have daydreams and all these thoughts about HER! Very very slowly I am reclaiming my thoughts. It is not easy, but how can I let some dirty trashy who#e take over my life. Yes my H is just a responsible, but like you how can a mother and wife do this to another woman. I firmly believe what goes around comes around. You absolutely will reap what you sow. She has sowed nothing but hurt and pain, I will not stoop that low. I am better than that. I am better than those feelings. She will get what she deserves someday, maybe I will know about it, maybe not. But the OW is not worthy of your time anymore. Screw Her. Get her out of your mind and concentrate on your happiness.

Best of luck to You!


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## pidge70 (Jan 17, 2011)

I know exactly how you feel. I want to confront the OW so bad. I want to beat the crap out of her and ruin her at her place of work. I want everyone she works with to know what a nasty wh*re she is. I still think about it at least once a day. I've thought about texting her but, she most likely will not respond. Plus, I am paranoid if I do the first thing she will do is contact my BF and whine about it. I swear, if I were to find out she still has his number I might just flip!


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