# wife cheating with other woman



## familyman69 (Sep 15, 2013)

We have been married 12 years. We have 2 small children. She has been acting very secretly the last couple of months. She pass protected everything. She never lets her cell phone out of her site. I knew in my gut something was going on but until the other night did not have confirmation. Recently i told her I noticed her putting in pass code for her phone so I asked her for code. She refused and it got pretty heated. Eventually she gave it up but I told her I trust her and didn't look at it. A few days later she left phone on nightstand while showering so i took a look. There were very explicit sexual texts between her and her girlfriend. They obviously have been together. To complicate this she lives right next door. She is also married but with no children. We have been out with the couple recently and even went to a concert the 4 of us. I found an email from her on my wifes computer describing the concert and her feelings about her and how she couldn't wait to be with her again. I just tried to check my wifes phone again and she changes her pass code again so I can't get in it. To complicate this even more from what I read this woman is obsessed with my wife. They are leaving on a girls trip this week for a few days and of course all the other girls that were supposed to go have backed out for various reasons. I have an appt. with an attorney next week. I don't want her to go on the trip but feel I need to keep it together to protect myself and my children. Nothing good can come out of this. I love my children more than anything and even though I work full time I am the primary caregiver. My wife has always told me she does not really like kids and may have never had them if it wasn't for me. She has a masters degree but does not want to work either. Should I confront her now or wait to get my ducks in a row first? I don't trust her at all. All I ever wanted was a family and now i see nothing good. My poor kids. I'm not sure whether to confront her now or wait? Any suggestions would be appreciated.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

I'd confront now. 

Oh and don't be surprised if she's been with the neighbor girls husband too. It's fairly common for bi swinger wives to groom other women for their husbands.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

If you want to bust the affair, expose to the other husband and then confront your wife.

Put a keylogger on the computer to capture everything. Probably do this first if you have time before confronting. Put a VAR in your bedroom. They also make various spycams disguised as a pen, clock radio, stuffed animal, etc. You might put one of those in your bedroom too if there is any chance they are getting together in your house.

Normally you never reveal your sources of information. The text messages I think are fine to reveal that you saw them because there is no spy tech involved. She gave you her passcode and you used it. But from here on out don't tell her how you found out anything if you use a VAR, camera, or keylogger.

Do talk to an atty. Frequently the best stick you have is the real threat of divorce. File on her. You can always stop the proceedings at any point. Your wife needs to feel real fear that she is going to lose you, her family, her house, her money, and her kids.

Make the reconciliation on her shoulders. You'll have to push her but don't let her slide. She has to do a ton of hard work.

And don't try to be Nice or thoughtful! It is time for tough love on your part.

A lesbian affair is just an affair. Don't think of it as different than an affair with a man, and don't give her some kind of slack because of it. It is a physical sexual affair.

One last thought. Are you certain who it is that sent these messages? Cheaters will frequently put the wrong name in their contact list. If she's cheating with John she'll put his number in as belonging to Jane. So when you see a text from Jane "Hey let's have lunch" it looks innocent. It could be your wife is in an affair with someone other than the neighbor lady.


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## JustHer (Mar 12, 2013)

I am soooo sorry for you............

Get enough evidence to take to your lawyer. Follow her this weekend or send a PI to take pictures. She hasn't worked so you may get stuck with alimony if you don't have good cause for the D. Also, you want to show she is not doing her motherly duties so you can get custody of your children, especially since she isn't that into them.

It is all about you and the kids. Focus on that.

Good luck.


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

My question is this. You read the texts. You saw they were sexually explicit. You know who the other woman is. You know they are going away for a girls trip for a few days. So, why do you want to sit in the house with all that on your mind? Why do you want to let her have her fun at your expense? Remember, your the one paying for her trip to cheat. 

My advice is this. Call the couple next door and invite them over and make sure the kids aren't there. Then lay it on the table and let them know that you know. Let your wife know that her fun in the sun with the OW is null and void as of now and that she better find a job PDQ because she'll need money for an attorney. If she gives you any nonsense, pack her stuff up and tell the OM that she can have her and for your wife not to come back. Don't play games and give her any wiggle room. That's where most people get taken for a ride when you give the cheating spouse an "out". 

It will serve no purpose to continue to play games with this sort of behavior. Nip it in the bud and let you wife know that you are not under any circumstances putting up with her affair and her lies. Make sure that she knows that your are dead serious about it. This is her making not yours. There is no reason why you have to be made a fool out of by your wife's bad behavior. As far as the OW goes, let her husband deal with her.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

I think the other girls either never were invited or they know about the affair. They may be a source of intel for you, but don't talk to them until after you've confronted your wife.


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## JustHer (Mar 12, 2013)

6301 said:


> My question is this. You read the texts. You saw they were sexually explicit. You know who the other woman is. You know they are going away for a girls trip for a few days. So, why do you want to sit in the house with all that on your mind? Why do you want to let her have her fun at your expense? Remember, your the one paying for her trip to cheat.
> 
> My advice is this. Call the couple next door and invite them over and make sure the kids aren't there. Then lay it on the table and let them know that you know. Let your wife know that her fun in the sun with the OW is null and void as of now and that she better find a job PDQ because she'll need money for an attorney. If she gives you any nonsense, pack her stuff up and tell the OM that she can have her and for your wife not to come back. Don't play games and give her any wiggle room. That's where most people get taken for a ride when you give the cheating spouse an "out".
> 
> It will serve no purpose to continue to play games with this sort of behavior. Nip it in the bud and let you wife know that you are not under any circumstances putting up with her affair and her lies. Make sure that she knows that your are dead serious about it. This is her making not yours. There is no reason why you have to be made a fool out of by your wife's bad behavior. As far as the OW goes, let her husband deal with her.


I like this a lot!!! It is a very Alpha thing to do and it puts you in charge.


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## familyman69 (Sep 15, 2013)

I want to confront her now. My worry is 2 fold. The first is she has been an investigator herself before and is very savvy. She know how to cover herself very well. Also the other woman is in law enforcement and knows all their amendment rights, etc. If I don't gather enough evidence and confront her now they will both clam up and that will be it. They leave on trip in 2 days and I don't have enough time for evidencee gathering. She already changed her passcode.


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## soulseer (Jul 26, 2013)

No way would I pay for my wifes cheating holiday.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## JustHer (Mar 12, 2013)

familyman69 said:


> I want to confront her now. My worry is 2 fold. The first is she has been an investigator herself before and is very savvy. She know how to cover herself very well. Also the other woman is in law enforcement and knows all their amendment rights, etc. If I don't gather enough evidence and confront her now they will both clam up and that will be it. They leave on trip in 2 days and I don't have enough time for evidencee gathering. She already changed her passcode.


Hire a PI - before she leaves on her trip.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

Do you know where exactly she is going?

I would have her served divorce papers at the hotel.

Do you live in an at-fault state or a no-fault state?


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

Don't do anything until you consult with your lawyer, especially since the OW is in law enforcement. Yeah it would be great to bust her trip but it may cost you more on the long run. By the way make sure you clear your browser and change your passwords. 

Start gathering documents and evidence. Get s safe, open a bank account and preparing yourself. Good luck.


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

familyman69 said:


> I want to confront her now. My worry is 2 fold. The first is she has been an investigator herself before and is very savvy. She know how to cover herself very well. Also the other woman is in law enforcement and knows all their amendment rights, etc. If I don't gather enough evidence and confront her now they will both clam up and that will be it. They leave on trip in 2 days and I don't have enough time for evidencee gathering. She already changed her passcode.


 Look. If you found the text messages then she isn't too God damn savvy because she didn't cover her tracks too well. She has it in her mind that everyone but her is stupid. You think that changing her password is real savvy? She already blew it by not deleting the texts before you saw them. Call that savvy?

As far as the OW? who gives a $h!t if she's in law enforcement. I'll bet you anything that her husband has no clue that his wife is doing the same thing your wife is doing and you can be sure that she wants it to remain that way too. So it doesn't matter if in the CIA. Maybe you don't realize this but your the one at the card table holding all the aces. All you have to do is play them and they will fold.

You want to play their game? She's leaving in two days. The morning she leaves, call the credit card company and cancel the card. Go to the bank and close down your checking and savings account and start new ones I don't know if they are flying or driving but either way, she has to eat. If she's driving, she'll need gas. When the cards don't work, she'll call the bank and the credit card company and then she will know that her savvy ain't up to par and it needs upgraded. She'll call you and demand a explanation. Your reply? When you tell me about the texts to your lady friend and lover then I'll send you gas money. 

The balls in your court. What you need to do is find the two that you have just south of you navel.


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## here2learn (Aug 23, 2012)

Can you be certain your wife didn't just change the name of her lover in her contacts, so that it appears she is texting with your female neighbor? This wouldn't be the first time such a trick was used in hopes of concealing the affair partner's identity. Maybe the content of the texts make it clear that it was the female neighbor, but if not, I wouldn't rule out the possibility of the affair partner to the be the male neighbor or anyone else. Are there other ladies that you know for sure who participate in the "girls trip"?


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## lovelifeandwanttoenjoyit (Sep 14, 2013)

here2learn said:


> Can you be certain your wife didn't just change the name of her lover in her contacts, so that it appears she is texting with your female neighbor? This wouldn't be the first time such a trick was used in hopes of concealing the affair partner's identity. Maybe the content of the texts make it clear that it was the female neighbor, but if not, I wouldn't rule out the possibility of the affair partner to the be the male neighbor or anyone else. Are there other ladies that you know for sure who participate in the "girls trip"?


This is a very good point!


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

Thor said:


> If you want to bust the affair, expose to the other husband and then confront your wife.
> 
> Put a keylogger on the computer to capture everything. Probably do this first if you have time before confronting. Put a VAR in your bedroom. They also make various spycams disguised as a pen, clock radio, stuffed animal, etc. You might put one of those in your bedroom too if there is any chance they are getting together in your house.
> 
> ...


And a lesbian affair partner can ruin your life and put you 6 feet deep just like a male affair partner. It's not to be taken lightly. This other person has control of you through your spouse.


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## CantePe (Oct 5, 2011)

This reminds me of a decade back when we were still living in the city. This young little thing from two floors up was married common law. She found out I am bisexual and all hell broke out. She kept trying to find excuses to come down to our apartment and even begged me to start a relationship.

Told her if she asked her husband if he was ok with it then sure, she never came back lol. Of course my husband knew about all of this too as it was happening and we both knew telling her to tell her husband she wanted permission to sleep with a woman would stop her in her tracks cold.

Let's just say an anonymous person let the husband know about all of what was happening too 

My point? Tell the other husband, tell the neighborhood, tell the neighbor's cat while at it. Expose Expose Expose


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## COguy (Dec 1, 2011)

You need to think about yourself and your kids first. Your wife is lying to you and is cheating on you, so don't assume she's on your team.

Get your finances in order, transfer the money out of joint accounts, close joint credit cards. Take important personal belongings and important documents (SS cards, birth certificates, titles) and get them out of the house.

Get your attorney and have the papers ready to have her served. Have her bags packed for her when she comes back, and make sure SHE leaves the house not you.

You always want to be the first to file and you want to make sure you are in control and not her. By the time she realizes what's going on you'll have your first temporary and by that time you'll have been in the house and with the kids and are less likely to get screwed by the judge.

If you confront, she can run up all your credit cards, sell marital property, kick you out of the house, and even file a restraining order. By the time the dust settles the judge has already awarded her the house, you have to pay for it, and you'll be lucky to see your kids every other weekend.

You can always reconcile after you file, you don't get a second chance to gain initiative though.

If you think you are immune to hostile ex's, join the club of people who got screwed and never thought it would happen to them.

Read this and live by it even if you think it's dumb or unnecessary. Thousands of men have gotten their lives ruined so you can learn from their mistakes: 

THE LIST (Print It) - Divorce Forum and Child Custody Forum


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## missthelove2013 (Sep 23, 2013)

6301 said:


> Look. If you found the text messages then she isn't too God damn savvy because she didn't cover her tracks too well. She has it in her mind that everyone but her is stupid. You think that changing her password is real savvy? She already blew it by not deleting the texts before you saw them. Call that savvy?
> 
> As far as the OW? who gives a $h!t if she's in law enforcement. I'll bet you anything that her husband has no clue that his wife is doing the same thing your wife is doing and you can be sure that she wants it to remain that way too. So it doesn't matter if in the CIA. Maybe you don't realize this but your the one at the card table holding all the aces. All you have to do is play them and they will fold.
> 
> ...


this is excellent advice..spot on imo!!


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