# Update:13 and Pregnant. WHAT?



## Waits4Mr.Right (Oct 29, 2011)

So the original story from about 4 yrs ago, you can find here..

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/family-parenting-forums/36302-13-pregnant-what.html

So the progress is not great unfortunately. My daughter ended up in a group home, then graduated to a foster home. There she and her daughter lived together until she got kicked out for not following house rules. Then kinda jumped from ouch to couch for a few months, then moved in with her father. I told S.S that her dad wasn't really a solution because of his irresponsibility. Not many jobs will hire a pot head even though it's legal within my state because of liabilities. Go figure. Again, the state would not listen to me, surprise, surprise. 

On the positive side, my daughter has graduated high school but that's where everything has stopped. 

Her dad has kicked her out of his house, and being that he has full custody and my daughter is 17 and a half guess it's okay.?? So the daughter is sleeping only God knows where, I'm renting a room out of a house, my granddaughter is still in foster care. And that is where we're at....What a mess!
Oh, and the kicker? The state wants me to take her back now the I lost my home.


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

Has she been diagnosed with anything? It seems some counseling would be in order and perhaps medication. But I totally understand preserving your sanity.

Right now forget the state. You are renting a room. You don't have space even according to DSS standards. 

BUT as to your daughter/granddaughter... if you are in a position to get a 2-bedroom apartment, especially since your daughter has already graduated, you COULD consider an arrangement. Talk to a social worker about daycare for the baby and any benefits the two are entitled to.

You could tell her that you will get an apartment but only under these conditions:
- She sees a counselor WEEKLY (United Family Services, part of United Way can provide this)
- She spends 8+ hours being productive: full time job, full time community college or part time at both. Period.
- She alone cares for the baby. You are not a sitter. If you want to, it's up to you.
- NO BOYS IN THE HOME and you will not be a sitter so she can go on dates. If she needs a sitter, she hires one. Maybe it's another young mother and they can develop a support network.
- NO CONTACT with the child's father. WTF does a 25y/o have in common with a 14y/o? He's got to be super immature or a predator.
- She pays rent to you by a certain date. She buys everything for her baby. If you are able to and feel generous, that's great but the understanding should be that she made adult choices so now she can behave like an adult and take care of her business.
- She keeps her room and bathroom clean and helps with common area housework (kitchen/living area).

Write it out. Make her sign it. Tape it to the fridge.

And tell her that you don't agree with her choices but you love her.


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## Waits4Mr.Right (Oct 29, 2011)

@EnjoliWoman: Thanks for your reply and suggestions but as much as I love my daughter, she will never live with me again. She is violent, disrespectful, and refuses to listen to anyone in authority. I would rather pay to house her in a home for single teenage mothers. She would have to be willing to go though, which she will not do on her own.
Our relationship is so much better now that we no longer live together. I can give her advice and hope she takes it, but if not its her choice. I don't enforce rules upon her, but can still guide in the right direction if she so chooses to be led.
As for my daughter being diagnosed, she was when she was put in the mental hospital. Optional defiant disorder. They gave her meds but of course she refused to take them.
At this moment she's running wild, (drugs,sex, alcohol) which is why the state wants me to take her back. She was doing that when she lived with me and the state took her thinking they knew better. Now that they have finally figured out that no one can control her, they want me to step back in. As much as I love her, I can't do it. When I lost my daughter, my granddaughter, and then my home I went into a deep depression. I was suicidal for about 2 years. I won't put myself through that again. I don't mind helping her here and there when I have money but my daughter needs to figure out this mess she has created. She's made her bed, now she needs to lay in it. I have to stop rescuing her....especially when my sanity is on the line.
I'm happy to say I'm in a Much better place, and while life isn't perfect, it's good.


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