# Opinions/Advice Appreciated. Is This "Fair"?



## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

I am in need of some advice regarding my ongoing divorce and my seemingly "dismissive" attorney... I feel like I'm getting screwed left and right... :/

My Attorney dismisses my inquiries regarding filing and acknowledging my soon to be ex-husband's multiple violations of the temporary domestic order, which he was given upon filing divorce in Sept, 2013.


Violations include:

* Refusal to allow me access to my necessary belongings within 15 days of the date of request. (Request is in writing and dated). I spent 6 months living out of a suitcase - LITERALLY.

* Damaging my property by placing it outdoors for two months where it was exposed to sun, wind, dirt, rain and snow. Not salvageable.

* Forcing me out of our marital home by changing the locks, without adequate notice and despite the temporary domestic order's recommendations NOT to do so and to seek a "fair" decision regarding who leaves the marital home. Forcible eviction without a court order or eviction notice.

My Attorney has refused to provide requested information regarding "Marital Torts". Instead says this is not cost-effective for me. Does not seem interested in my reasons or ideas regarding this. 

(Grounds for Marital Torts can be debated here, I am interested in objective feedback).

My Attorney says unless the property that was damaged by my ex was worth "thousands of dollars" it is counterproductive to seek compensation.

My Attorney permitted me to enter a "Timesharing and Support" Hearing without being advised or prepared to discuss financial matters, including debts and community property.

My Attorney advised me prior to the Hearing to allow him to speak on my behalf and for me to speak as little as possible.

During the Hearing I attempted to raise concerns regarding the credit card debt and value of the car and was literally "shushed" by my attorney. My ex's attorney proposed a "trade-in" value of "our" 96 Subaru Legacy Wagon of $1,000. Kelley Blue Book value of this vehicle in "Fair" (the lowest condition given) is $1,727.00. (Had I known we would be discussing these matters I would have conducted research prior to the Hearing).

During the Hearing, my ex's attorney decided that "our" vehicle was valued at approximately $1,000. We paid $2,200 for the vehicle and made various repairs to it to increase it's value/functionality and longevity. Repairs included replacing of the water pump and radiator. 

* Parts for the vehicle may have been purchased one month prior to filing for divorce, using my ex's credit card, of which I am not a co-owner of the account nor was I EVER permitted to use. 

* The credit card account existed prior to our marriage and it's existence was withheld from me for over a year after our marriage.

* I am being asked to pay half of the "alleged" credit card debt without having seen proof of the debt, debt amount, or an itemized credit card statement. Additionally, the credit card may have been used to purchase gifts for me, (in February and March 2013) and/or items that were repaid in cash (such as rental cars for my mom and step-dad that required a credit card deposit were repaid in cash).

During the agreed upon date to collect my belongings, my ex refused to permit me entry into our marital home, even though I am still listed on the lease and thus eventually caused me increased financial and emotional distress by requiring MULTIPLE trips between TWO cities to collect ALL of my possessions. As of this date, 3 trips have been made and not all of my belongings have been collected.

The possessions my ex placed outdoors and permitted to become damaged were not collected when I got some of my possessions, and now HIS attorney is seeking "disposal fees" for those items.

Requests to my attorney to consider "Interim Spousal Support/Child Support" denied, no reason given, does not want to discuss.

Summary:

My ex stays in the marital home.

Keeps the car.

Requires I pay for half a credit card debt, of which proof and amount have not been provided.

Refuses to pay child support agreed upon in the "Timesharing and Support" Hearing in December.

Destroyed property belonging to me, and now asks that I pay for the disposal of such property.

Commits multiple violations of the Temporary Domestic Order and not held accountable for such actions.

Etc. Etc.

I am sure I am forgetting to mention multiple things here, but this is a start.

Is my attorney being lazy? Trying to be helpful because we are low in-come? Taking advantage? 

I MUST make it aware that my Attorney IS working with us on payment arrangements... Thus I feel I may be biting the hand that feeds me by voicing my concerns...

What do you think? Am I asking for, or expecting too much? Am I getting screwed here?

Thanks in advance for reading my ramblings...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ICLH (Dec 26, 2013)

I'd get another lawyer. I don't know if it's too late but you could have gotten a temporary order to take over possession of the marital home until the divorce is finalized. He'd have to move out by order of the judge. By law, he can't kick you out even if he changes the locks but once you're out you're out. Good luck. Sounds like you are dealing with a real ***hole.


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

I would seek another attorney, if possible, but due to being left completely homeless, couch-surfing and unemployed because I was a stay-at-home-mother trying to rehabilitate myself due to an auto accident while I was pregnant, I have extremely limited financial means to do so. I have been heavily contemplating whether or not I should file a complaint with the State Bar...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

Upon retaining my attorney I made several inquiries into maintaining the "Standard of Living", Interim Spousal Support, etc. In order to try and get back onto my feet, and my own attorney has refused to validate these concerns, often suugesting that I "let it go' because it's not worth pursuing." Obviously this guy goes home to a bed and a home at night... I do not. Literally this situation has left me sleeping on my mom's living room floor with two dogs and a cat... While my ex sleeps in MY bed. Everynight. :/

Feeling victimized by the so-called legal system. Not only did I endure years of emotional and financial abuse from the man I loved... But I have also been harmed firstly as a result of my husband's refusal to obey domestic orders, and secondly, as a result of my attorney's refusal to defend and uphold those domestic orders...

   

It is heart-breaking to know that you can devoted your entire being, commit and strive to fullfill your duties as a stay at home parent, only to be left with nothing in the end. Not even the simple validation that your ex disregarded laws that are supposedly in place to protect BOTH parties. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

Yes your attorney is being lazy on some points and other they attorney is correct. One of the problems with temporary orders is actually enforcing any of it given how slow the court system is. It take forever to get actual hearings. 

For a temp hearing the car value is not a concern nor are any repairs done to the car going to make it any more valuable. At your final hearing or during negotiations all anyone is going to look at a Kelly blue book or similar value system. You have a right to receive any and all copies of credit card statements, bank statements, payroll things like that and can contest items if you choose but it’s a struggle to get anywhere with it unless it’s a big ticket item. 

Him changing the locks he had every right to do once someone filed for divorce, you were not living in the place at the time, he was. Technically you vacated the premise and while it recommended he not change the locks its didn’t say he couldn’t. I didn’t say it was fair but its just the way it is. The temp order should have specifically stated who would maintain the residence and pay the bills for that place if it didn’t that is careless by the lawyer. 

He is violating your temp order because he can to put it simply and he can ask for disposal fees etc. He can ask for anything he wants, why not worst you can do is say no and he knows it bothers you so he is doing it. 

I don’t want to sound harsh but your attorney is kind of correct in the damaged property, unless you can prove it was worth a great deal of cash, by the time you get done paying the lawyer to chase it all you have done is create busy work. The lawyer fees will suck up any monies you get. 

The not paying child support usually an attorney can get that rectified pretty quick. As for him paying your spousal support, that depends on how long you were married, how much he makes etc. If your attorney doesn’t believe you qualify to receive any that person should give you a better answer than its not worth it. 

So yes you are getting screwed, you probably should seek a second opinion in regards to your legal counsel. Some of the stuff you are complaining about as mean or heartless as it sounds your lawyer is right its not worth fighting about. Divorce sucks, welcome to the incredibly fair legal system which near as I can figure if you follow the rules you lose.


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## Pictureless (May 21, 2013)

There is no earthly justice.

The biggest offense your attorney should fighting for is access and recovery of your personally owned private property.

The court will rule on child support. Joint property, assets and debts will eventually be divided and most likely unfairly to one or both of you.

That's divorce. Try to be philosophical about it. What price to pay for freedom?


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

Honcho - Why would you say...

"Him changing the locks he had every right to do once someone filed for divorce, you were not living in the place at the time, he was."

???

I went out of town, yes. I had not "vacated" the property and I had not moved out. I had every intention of coming home when I returned. The domestic orders clearly state that one should not force the other out of the marital home, and that if the decision regarding who should leave cannot be fairly determined, we must seek the court's opinion on the matter. I was not served with my own copy of the domestic orders until several weeks after he changed the locks.

Because my ex IS the sneaky sort, I was sure to record all conversations regarding my trip out of town in order to prove he was in agreement, our relationship had not ended and that I had not abandoned anyone.

Unfortunately, my attorney couldn't be less interested in listening to the recordings. 

What is the POINT of having a Temporary Domestic Order if there is no one to enforce it? Doesn't an attorney have to take an oath to uphold and honor the law?

This is egregious, in my opinion. How can it be okay to leave someone literally homeless and sleeping on floors for 6 months when the domestic order states that one should not be prevented from access to the marital home without an eviction or court order???

It just really seems like abusers continue to win favor over and over again.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Yo Yin.......

can you give us an update? Been wondering about you a lot!


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