# How many is too few?



## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

.


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## delirium (Apr 23, 2012)

That would not worry me in the slightest. As long as the reason wasn't a low sex drive.


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## skype (Sep 25, 2013)

I would find this endearing because I have a romantic attitude toward sex.

Since everyone has different arousal points and methods, you are going to have to learn about each other anyway, no matter how experienced you are. It would be exciting to learn together what turns each other on.

You found your wife at a very young age, so I don't see how women could expect you to be experienced, unless you were a cheater.

I would worry more about your feelings toward women, given your unhappy marriage.

Almost a blank slate, very sexy for a woman who is into you!


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## Coffee Amore (Dec 15, 2011)

My husband wasn't a virgin when I met him, but if he had been, it wouldn't have been an issue for me. I liked that he knew what he was doing, but it's not a deal breaker if someone is less experienced. It's sweet and endearing in a way. I think what's more important to me is the attitude toward sex. If it's an extremely conservative, puritanical "lights out all the time, missionary position only" type of mentality or very low sex drive, I wouldn't be compatible with that man.


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

Thor said:


> WhiteRaven's thread about what is too many made me curious, and I'd really like the honest opinion of the ladies.
> 
> I'm in my 50's, and only ever been with my wife. We met at 18 and though I had fumbled around in high school with a couple of girls I went steady with, my wife was my first. Within a couple of weeks of meeting at college we were doing it like rabbits.
> 
> ...





Coffee Amore said:


> My husband wasn't a virgin when I met him, but if he had been, it wouldn't have been an issue for him. I liked that he knew what he was doing, but it's not a deal breaker if someone is less experienced. It's sweet and endearing in a way. I think what's more important to me is the attitude toward sex. If it's an extremely conservative, puritanical "lights out all the time, missionary position only" type of mentality or very low sex drive, I wouldn't be compatible with that man.


I was like you Thor, only with my wife but I was older than you. Still have (I think) a high sex drive for my age, and we still have fun.

Mrs Wysh much more experienced than me to the point that she lost count basically.

Strangely for such a sexually active woman she loves the fact that she is my only full PIV partner and calls it our special thing that we share.

Doesn't stop her teasing me about it sometimes when she is feeling naughty! References to *Cherry* cola and *cherry* cake.


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

Thor said:


> WhiteRaven's thread about what is too many made me curious, and I'd really like the honest opinion of the ladies.
> 
> I'm in my 50's, and only ever been with my wife. We met at 18 and though I had fumbled around in high school with a couple of girls I went steady with, my wife was my first. Within a couple of weeks of meeting at college we were doing it like rabbits.
> 
> ...


If I met a woman who had an issue with that, it would probably be a turn off for me, so if that situation would be a turn off for her, then I guess we could happily go our separate ways.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Too few? IMO, no such thing.


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

The other thing to consider Thor, from various conversations I've had here, is that a lack of numbers does not make you a poor lover.
And a large number does not necessarily make you a good lover.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Thor, the number is meaningless. What's important is your raw desire for the woman you're with. If she feels desired, raw desire, coming from you that is all you need.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Thor said:


> WhiteRaven's thread about what is too many made me curious, and I'd really like the honest opinion of the ladies.
> 
> I'm in my 50's, and only ever been with my wife. We met at 18 and though I had fumbled around in high school with a couple of girls I went steady with, my wife was my first. Within a couple of weeks of meeting at college we were doing it like rabbits.
> 
> ...


Red flags... Never...you were married & had lots of sex for years within the confines of marriage...you're not a 40 yr old virgin... 

Worry.... I'd be more concerned over what caused the break down in your marriage..after some time.. a couple would go there and talk about it.

Cute is not the word.... Beautiful is more how I would describe it...endearing... I see it as representative of a man of character that he has remained faithful , honest & true -even in the difficulties of a lost relationship and loved 1 special woman in his lifetime.. those type of men are the more rare find in today's society.... there is none better.... I understand it didn't work out.. it happens...

I would imagine you...feeling jaded after all of this...has no desire to jump back into anything ...probably just want to experience all you can, and possibly many women, for the 1st time in your life..it seems this is the overwhelming reaction after a divorce ...that most vow to NEVER marry again...but just enjoy their new found bachelorhood.


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## Phenix70 (May 6, 2012)

I would be more concerned with the way he treated me, not that he had sex with only 1 person all his adult life. His character and personality would also be more important. IF he was lacking in the sexuality dept, well, then we could learn some new tricks together. Nothing wrong with that.


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## TiggyBlue (Jul 29, 2012)

Would be a non issue for me.


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## Fenix (Jul 2, 2013)

Thor, I was in the same situation as you. It did make the transition a bit scarier and I chose to be honest with my current partner about my lack of history. All I can say is that it was well received. As a woman, if a man in whom I was interested told me, I would find it beautiful as Amorous said above. Anyone who judges you on that has issues.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

My STBW is my third. Before her was my ex wife of 20 years. Before her was a girlfriend of two years who died, effectively ending the relationship. My STBW has been with over 30 men. We have talked very openly and honestly about this, and it was something she took note of and explored the reasons why my number was so low for a man of 40 now 42. She was honestly a bit concerned. As Wysh said however...partner count does not equal good in bed...


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

When I was young, there was no "too few". At my age now, anything less than 2 or 3 would be a major red flag surrounded by flashing red lights!


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## Oldfaithful (Nov 27, 2013)

It depends on the situation. If he met his first at a young age and was married for a long time, I don't think that's an issue. 
If he just was socially backwards and didn't like sex that would be a turn off.


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## cruiser (Jul 8, 2011)

WyshIknew said:


> I was like you Thor, only with my wife but I was older than you. Still have (I think) a high sex drive for my age, and we still have fun.
> 
> Mrs Wysh much more experienced than me to the point that she lost count basically.
> 
> ...


I also was only with my wife. She however was with one before me. Which when dating and first discussed it didn't bother me too much. It wasn't until months before our wedding that she didn't want to have sex anymore that it started to bother me. Fast forward 13 years into marriage where we went without for awhile due to a really bad yeast infection. Well after our first time back together she said it was like being a virgin again. Crushed me!


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## over20 (Nov 15, 2013)

Thor said:


> WhiteRaven's thread about what is too many made me curious, and I'd really like the honest opinion of the ladies.
> 
> I'm in my 50's, and only ever been with my wife. We met at 18 and though I had fumbled around in high school with a couple of girls I went steady with, my wife was my first. Within a couple of weeks of meeting at college we were doing it like rabbits.
> 
> ...




Yes. I would. It would actually raise his sex rank to me (in my eyes). My Dh and I met in high school. He was my first and I was his second I pray we live so long that we would never have to face this issue.

If it came down to it, I would choose a man like you over a player. Don't be worried about lack of experience, Good women don't think like that. Good women want an attentive and very sensual and patient lover. I think that is a very positive quality you would have dating a new woman.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

.


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

Thor said:


> I know that logically, but not emotionally.
> 
> My wife was sexually abused as a child, though I didn't know about it for the first 29 years of our marriage. She was sexually active as a teen, which I knew _some of_ (and keep discovering more) before we married. We had a pretty hot first 2 years.
> 
> ...


I think this is only natural Thor. When you haven't been, for whatever reason, a sleep around kind of guy.
You, like me, have no frame of reference, a 'hot' guy who has had many women has a frame of reference in that he has left many women gasping and satisfied on the bed. He 'knows' he is a good lover.
I probably have the 'advantage' over you in that apart from a period early/mid marriage when the kids were young and running her ragged we have had a good sex life and she has always let me know that she desires and is satisfied by me.


Having said all that, and perhaps other, more experienced people could comment as I am no great expert on these things, what do you think a new woman is going to expect from you?

I hardly think that at our ages any woman is going to expect a sexual athlete, swinging from the chandeliers, doing back flips while studying the Kama Sutra.

Most women are not dense, she will likely realise you have been hurt, she will know you have been in a monogamous relationship for the last X years. She likely won't be expecting you to be an Albert Einstein of sex.
If she has a bit of form she might even enjoy 'training' you.

And I bet you, after the first time when she looks up into your eyes and says "Wow" all your doubts will be blown away.


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

I've only been with my husband. If for whatever reason I found myself single again, no I wouldn't care if a man had only one partner. We would be starting out even, lol.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

Thor said:


> Would you seriously date a man who'd only ever been with one woman? Does it send up red flags? Does it worry you? Or is it cute? (yuk!) Is it a challenge? Intriguing? A non-issue?


I think I'd probably fall for him harder knowing he was faithful to one woman most of his life.


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## howdidthishappentome? (Mar 25, 2014)

You married quite young and stayed faithful, and were maybe a little shy with girls up to that point. Nothing strange there! 

I think being your second would make me _nervous_, I'd feel a lot of pressure, and that sex with you was a very big deal. But I wouldn't think it was strange. ETA: I would be unhappy to find out that it was a big deal _after_ we'd already had sex. This happened to me once, what seemed like a sensible time frame to me for an intimate relationship was like a marriage proposal to him. Oops, not comfortable.

If you got married at 35 and had only one partner, that would make me uncomfortable, because either you have very different values than I do, probably not compatible with my world view (not your problem but maybe a red flag for compatibility), or some serious hang-up about sex that I'd want to understand and think about. But 18 seems perfectly normal.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

ScarletBegonias said:


> I think I'd probably fall for him harder knowing he was faithful to one woman most of his life.


This would apply to me as well. Woman that's been loyal/involved with only one man is desirable in my eyes.

Women that's been around block or 2 = less desire/if any......actually, quite a turn off.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

DoF said:


> This would apply to me as well. Woman that's been loyal/involved with only one man is desirable in my eyes.
> 
> Women that's been around block or 2 = less desire/if any......actually, quite a turn off.


That's where we differ.I don't judge negatively based on number of partners unless the person has some pretty obvious character flaws that I would be unable to handle. 
It's not a turn off to me.

Less partners has a sort of sweet innocence that draws me in but more partners doesn't turn me away.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

Thor said:


> WhiteRaven's thread about what is too many made me curious, and I'd really like the honest opinion of the ladies.
> 
> I'm in my 50's, and only ever been with my wife. We met at 18 and though I had fumbled around in high school with a couple of girls I went steady with, my wife was my first. Within a couple of weeks of meeting at college we were doing it like rabbits.


That's amazing and BTW, I'm on your boat as well. Met my wife at 16, she was my first.....and hopefully last.

Use above as a people **** filter. Women that appreciate above are the ones you want.

Ones that will laugh at you or anything along the line = stay FAR FAR AWAY.



I know above me helped me filter out crappy friends/people......can surely filter out women as well.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

ScarletBegonias said:


> That's where we differ.I don't judge negatively based on number of partners unless the person has some pretty obvious character flaws that I would be unable to handle.


I can't really say I judge negatively either....



ScarletBegonias said:


> It's not a turn off to me.
> 
> Less partners has a sort of sweet innocence that draws me in but more partners doesn't turn me away.


It wouldn't be a deal breaker, but again more of a turn off.

I wouldn't NOT date someone or pursue the relationship because of that. I would probably remain optimistic and approach it from "hey, she must have lots of experience maybe teach me few things" perspective.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

I see what you're saying


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## hambone (Mar 30, 2013)

Thor said:


> WhiteRaven's thread about what is too many made me curious, and I'd really like the honest opinion of the ladies.
> 
> I'm in my 50's, and only ever been with my wife. We met at 18 and though I had fumbled around in high school with a couple of girls I went steady with, my wife was my first. Within a couple of weeks of meeting at college we were doing it like rabbits.
> 
> ...


Marry a teacher. She'll make you do it over and over and over until you get it right!


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

hambone said:


> Marry a teacher. She'll make you do it over and over and over until you get it right!


And discipline you when you get it wrong!


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## hambone (Mar 30, 2013)

over20 said:


> Yes. I would. It would actually raise his sex rank to me (in my eyes). My Dh and I met in high school. He was my first and I was his second I pray we live so long that we would never have to face this issue.
> 
> If it came down to it, I would choose a man like you over a player. Don't be worried about lack of experience, Good women don't think like that. Good women want an attentive and very sensual and patient lover. I think that is a very positive quality you would have dating a new woman.


If a woman rejects your because of your lack of experience... she's doing you a favor!


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

2


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

Dollystanford said:


> 2


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

Well I've had 3.

Once for Jason,

Once for Marie-Louise,

Once for Graham.

I'm a sexpert.


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

Does this mean we can never be together forever Wysh


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

'Fraid so Dolly.

You'll just have to weep bitter tears of regret.


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

Experience is not so simple to define when it comes to sex. When I met my current partner I'd had far fewer partners but way more sex. I'm not sure who then is considered to be more experienced.


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## over20 (Nov 15, 2013)

MaritimeGuy said:


> Experience is not so simple to define when it comes to sex. When I met my current partner I'd had far fewer partners but way more sex. I'm not sure who then is considered to be more experienced.


Great point! Didn't think of it that way.


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

Isn't a sad testimony about our society that Thor even has to ask this question...that if you've only been with one woman your whole life, it makes you unacceptable?


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

Thor, your low number of sex partners is not indicative of lack of experience. You've been in relationship for over 30 years and, presumably, most of that time you've been sexually active.

I can't imagine this being a red flag to any woman.


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

MaritimeGuy said:


> Experience is not so simple to define when it comes to sex. When I met my current partner I'd had far fewer partners but way more sex. I'm not sure who then is considered to be more experienced.


I was just going to say that... 

I've been with 4 women in my life and am in my late 30's. I lost it when I was 16, and I haven't been without for more than a month or two since that point. So does that mean that Joe Blow who has had 40 partners in the same time frame, but many of them were once or twice is more experienced? Nope! More varied, sure, but you're not going to learn a whole lot about how to please a woman by sleeping with her once. Usually it's the long term relationships where you actually learn things, simply because you communicate.

You can be just as good in bed having had one partner, or 30, imo. Or bad, for that matter.

I'm willing to bet my ex wife would say I was a 4 or 5 in bed, but my current wife would give me an 11. It's also how well you connect with your partner. Technique is only part of it, and that comes with communication.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

I wouldn't worry so much about it. I was also very low number when I got divorced. She as only the second woman I was ever with and I was with her total of 12 years. It has some anxiety behind it. 

I know I was nervous I wouldn't get sex again and then when it happened I was nervous I wouldn't be any good due to inexperience. Neither was true. My suggestion would he don't even bring it up. I think in every relationship I have had I always was the one asking about past experience anyway so maybe not an issue for women


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

It's so interesting to see what people go through in their own minds regarding sex. I don't think I've ever worried I'd be bad in bed. I was always too focused on "oh maybe he'll like this! Imma do that!!Gawd he's hot.omg look at that c**k.gimme gimme gimme"

I hadn't realized everyone wasn't like this LOL


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

ScarletBegonias said:


> It's so interesting to see what people go through in their own minds regarding sex. I don't think I've ever worried I'd be bad in bed. I was always too focused on "oh maybe he'll like this! Imma do that!!Gawd he's hot.omg look at that c**k.gimme gimme gimme"
> 
> I hadn't realized everyone wasn't like this LOL


Well it was only like that after a long absence. After I started dating again I quickly got to be much more like you


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

I think it is only natural for many people to be a bit nervous with a new partner.

I think if you have had a good number of sexual partners you may approach a new partner with a little more confidence.

Thor mentioned the logical and the emotional.

Logically you know that you are at least likely to be a good, average lover.

Emotionally you might be all over the place hoping nothing goes wrong.

I know I was a bag of nerves my first time and I'm sure that if (heaven forbid) anything happened between Mrs Wysh and I, I would again be a bag of nerves.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

over20 said:


> Great point! Didn't think of it that way.


Oh for sure. I have been with three women in my life including my STBW. She, over 30 men. I am certain I have had way more sex than she has, and in a lot of ways, it does show in bed.


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## Anonymous07 (Aug 4, 2012)

SimplyAmorous said:


> Red flags... Never...you were married & had lots of sex for years within the confines of marriage...you're not a 40 yr old virgin...
> 
> Worry.... I'd be more concerned over what caused the break down in your marriage..after some time.. a couple would go there and talk about it.
> 
> Cute is not the word.... Beautiful is more how I would describe it...endearing... I see it as representative of a man of character that he has remained faithful , honest & true -even in the difficulties of a lost relationship and loved 1 special woman in his lifetime.. those type of men are the more rare find in today's society.... there is none better.... I understand it didn't work out.. it happens...


:iagree:

I would think it's great that the man had only been with one woman all of his life(very sexy imo). That would be much more of a turn on than a man who has been around the block a few times.

I met my husband when he was 30. He had been with 2 women before me, both from long term relationships. If he had been with many different women, one night stands, etc., I don't think I would date him. Our values would not mesh well, so it wouldn't work out.


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## FizzBomb (Dec 31, 2013)

Thor,

a man who has only been with one woman or very few - but in long term relationships is way more attractive to me in general than a man that has had a lot of one nighters or casual short term encounters.

There is more sexual experience to be 'had/experienced/learned in a long term relationship than a string of one nighters/drunken ONS's. As discussed further upthread, a high number doesn't indicate a good lover.

I would be wary of men who had a high number/casual encounters - I would question whether he had 'intimacy issues', an std, and an inability to form a healthy relationship.


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