# Long Term Marriage & Cyber cheating



## PamJ (Mar 22, 2013)

We have been married a long time. 16 years ago I discovered my husbands online affair that started in an online backgammon room at a time when I thought everything was fine with our marriage but knew he was going through maybe a mid-life crisis where he thought life was passing him by and he wasn't having enough fun. I meanwhile was in the middle of raising two very active boys that he spent little time with due to his business. 

It took a while but we got past that once he finally stopped communicating with her after maybe a year or more, where at the end they were "just friends". At one point he had even tried to convince what a nice person she was and how I would really like her, oh and how she had helped him decide to stay with me,...if it weren't for what they had both done. 

Anyway, fast forward to the end of 2011 when we are not communicating very well due to a few issues and he started another affair, again in a backgammon room, with another woman,that led to messaging/sexting including naked pictures. I didn't discover it until February of 2012, totally by accident. He once again fessed up, broke it off , we tried very hard to get us back on track and had a great year.

Last week , after a year, I found out he has been calling her on his cell phone for the last 2-3 months, once or twice a week, purportedly just to see if she was OK (she had many problems he was helping HER with emotionally before and once again claimed she had helped him decide to stay with me). They had never planned to meet in person. He claims they had agreed to end the calling/contacting in the next week or so once he knew her recent surgery went OK. As you can imagine I was shell-shocked, we had had such a great year, lots of love and fun and caring. He cannot explain why he called her other than to say he "had a feeling something was wrong" and of course there was, there always was. 

He swears it will never happen again, ever. Before he told her I knew, I took matters into my own hand and contacted her telling her it had to stop , I knew who she was, where she lived and would "not be silent" if it did not. I mentioned she had a husband to help her with her problems so she knew what I meant by "not be silent" . She apologized for hurting me again and swore she would never contact him. So, now I am back to square one on the trust issue. He tells me several times a day how much he loves me and how sorry he is. I am not going anywhere for many reasons including I love him, I have no means to leave and we are partners in a business. 

Anyone else out there as old as me and still dealing with this crap?


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

Unfortunately he never got the message from you that except for kids, you expect only two people in your marriage. This is strike three so IMO you should contact the H of the OW and tell him you've asked his wife not to communicate with your husband in future. 

Tell him she has ONCE AGAIN agreed - and since it continued for the second time you'd like his cooperation in letting you know if anything continues. 

It'll be a wakeup call for that H. Once you've made the contact - say nothing to your H. If he complains about it then you'll know that contact continues.

No more online backgammon for your husband unless you play too. If he won't give that up it means he values time with others over time with his family. He should be working hard at restoring trust. 

Get him to give you full transparency - passwords to computer, email accts, phone, - texts are not to be erased. These are ways to restore your trust. 

Get some MC sessions going too.


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## PamJ (Mar 22, 2013)

My H has not played online backgammon since last year and now the site has closed and I have checked history etc. I have access to all his accounts, all passwords etc. Her H must have been suspicious recently and saw my H's # on her phone and since it was out of state asked about it. Last year she told my H her H never checked her phone. So, he knows about the recent talking but not about the affair last year. I will contact him if I see anything else. She was pretty worried about this last year and asked my H if I had her contact info when the broke it off. I do believe this was just checking in on her as he is one of those people who keeps in contact with friends he knew from HS the army etc, but I told them both friendship is not an option now. If she does participate in any contact, her H will be informed about last year as well.


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

Expose them to this man.
And talk to a lawyer.


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## Hardtohandle (Jan 10, 2013)

Yea no one is too old for marriage counseling. 

Just as a side note you can delete internet history or go to private browsing when he is doing his bad stuff. It is still there but you need to know where to look and how to parse it out. Basically you need someone who is semi knowledgable in computer forensics or the right software. 

Nutshell he still might be doing something you don't know about.

You should start talking to his old army buddies. See how he likes it. :smthumbup:


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Not Just Friends by Shirley Glass should be on your nightstand for reading.


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## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

OP, would it be too much to ask for you to break your posts into paragraphs?

Kinda tough to sort out.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## PamJ (Mar 22, 2013)

OT-Good point on the paragraphs, especially if you're reading on a phone, i was just trying to get it all down.

HTH- I know about the history thing and also know to look for gaps in time, but, I guess really, if he really wants to hide things, he will. I have to go with my gut here.

Do the Hs of the OW want to know, in general? Hers knows she was talking to someone but didn't want to know about any more than that, it seems.


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## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

PamJ said:


> OT-Good point on the paragraphs, especially if you're reading on a phone, i was just trying to get it all down.


Pam, if you'll edit the original post into paragraphs, you'll likely get more responses, IMO.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## endlessgrief (Feb 19, 2012)

When I think of hot sexy online affairs, the last place I would think to find one would be in a backgammon chat room!


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## PamJ (Mar 22, 2013)

That's why those places are such good covers. I knew my H liked to play that and Cribbage and later Words with Friends. I had no idea what happened in the chats for them. It changed from that to texting/calling/sexting etc. but that's where he met them. I checked out the Cribbage/Backgammon site, you should have seen the sexy screen names they were using and how many were logged in but not playing and how many were in 'locked' rooms so no one could 'see' them. Disgusting.


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## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

endlessgrief said:


> When I think of hot sexy online affairs, the last place I would think to find one would be in a backgammon chat room!


No doubt. 

Guess an online "checkers room" would be the place to be...
jumping each others' pieces could get pretty interesting. 

.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## PamJ (Mar 22, 2013)

Ya know, online anything where there is interaction/chatting as part of it, is fair game (pun intended) I guess. Any place where there is that instant response, where people suddenly feel 'connected' to someone they have never met, where they get hooked on the ego boost and the attention, is potential trouble it seems.


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## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

Yep. My stbx is addicted to Second Life.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## PamJ (Mar 22, 2013)

The 2 months with 8-10 phone calls (I only saw one undeleted one) he admitted to, turned into 26 phone calls and a myriad of texts over a 4 month period that started in Nov., not Jan. as he told me. Of course I didn't buy that so finally figured out how to get the call list but the texts only go back 3 months on Verizon.

He says it started sooner but still ended on Mar 14th as he had told me and knows I will see any phone calls or texts on the next billing statement. 

I told him now is his chance to tell me if there is any more to it than I know because it will come out eventually and then it would be over for us if there is more. I can't forgive him unless I know exactly what I am forgiving him for.

He was in tears last night knowing how badly he has hurt me yet again and says there will never be anyone other than me in his life, I am his everything. 

He knows I will make good on my promise to expose the EA to the OW's H, and she does not want that, I am told. She has a lot to lose this time, unlike the one 16 years ago who was single.

Time will tell.


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## PamJ (Mar 22, 2013)

In an update, mostly for myself to sort/ vent; we are almost a month past my discovery of his 2nd cyber-affair with the same woman. 

I kept telling him I needed to know all the details and giving him opportunities to tell me what I might later find out. I wanted to know all the forms of communication. As usual these came in drips and drabs, one piece at a time. Why do they do that? 

I had found about yet another aol email/aim account and since this is how they communicated the last time, I was suspicious. At first he claimed he didn't know what it was. When I saw a picture of him with the screen name, one that I actually took of him on a beautiful day on a bike ride with him, he had to admit he set it up. I told him how much that hurt me. He claimed had never actually used it, that he set it up in case they couldn't do regular phone text anymore.

When I asked him for the password, he claimed he didn't remember it,as he had never used it. This guy remembers everything. I told him it was not going away and it was a problem for me. Magically he remembered the password and opened it in front of me on the computer. I think he thought it would show nothing but then her 4 different screenames popped up and he had to admit they were using it.

So, like a kid, he once again held back info hoping it would fade away. I don't believe they are still communicating but I have a VAR in one of his cars and am waiting to hear if anything happened there. I can only put it in one car as we have employees that use the others and it gets tricky. He knows I know how to get the call/texts lists so , unless he does have a burner phone, I probably won't get anything.

One detail I had asked him about was whether or not the OW's H knew, he said he did, he saw a text. I asked if he had been confronted by him, he said no. After the last piece of info about the aol acct. he told me the other H DID confront him by text and it was scary. Good for him, I have done the same thing with the OW.

I keep telling him he is just delaying the healing process for me by not telling me everything. He understands this, so I can only hope there is no more. He keeps telling me this started innocently again, he never intended it to go past platonic texting/calling. He still maintains it was a lot less intense than the first time. This is little consolation to me. It lasted a little longer this time, only ended when I discovered it, not when her H did, and they were doing all the same things, even though he claims not as often, and they weren't sexting for very long. Who knows.

I have good days and bad days. Today was good, as I kept busy. When I am alone I tend to swing from sad to angry that he would do this to us after we had, I thought, such a good year together. He is being very good to me and keeps telling me he is so sorry he hurt me again and how much he loves me. I think he is sincere, I just don't trust yet that he won't fall back in to this kid of attraction again. The fantasy never-neverland of having someone fall in love with you over the ethernet. No reality, just the good stuff at your fingertips.


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## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

PamJ said:


> The fantasy never-neverland of having someone fall in love with you over the ethernet. No reality, just the good stuff at your fingertips.


Yep...the OW doesn't have to trip over (or wash) your H's dirty underwear.

.


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## Mr Blunt (Jul 18, 2012)

> Quote of Pam
> He is being very good to me and keeps telling me he is so sorry he hurt me again and how much he loves me. I think he is sincere, I just don't trust yet that he won't fall back in to this kid of attraction again. The fantasy never-neverland of having someone fall in love with you over the ethernet. No reality, just the good stuff at your fingertips.


________________________________________

Pam
Your husband sounds like he is remorseful and does care for you. I think the problem is that he is just weak in that area. *If he is dead serious about getting his weakness under control he will set up some real barriers and some tough accountability measure for himself.*

That will not be real desirable for him but you probably will never trust him completely if he just tries to do it on his own the way he has been doing it. Look at his history and what has happened!

I am not putting your husband down but he is weak. I think the hard reality is that he may want to never do it again but without changes I think there is a very high chance that he will do it again.

Blunt


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

No offence, but you really should touch base with then OWH... Your husband hasn't exactly been a pillar of truth.

C


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## PamJ (Mar 22, 2013)

"No offence, but you really should touch base with then OWH... Your husband hasn't exactly been a pillar of truth."

I go back and forth on this one. My H told me exactly what the OW's H said/texted to him, and it sounded like a reasonable angry response. I have the OW's cell# and told/texted the OW that I know who she is, where she lives and I will not be silent if this happens again. I have not been able to find an email address or cell # for him. I have a home phone # but he travels for work alot and I don't think reaching him that way would work, and I really don't want to talk to her if I don't have to.
However, I am holding onto this option if I discover they are still in contact. My gut tells me they are not.


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

The one thing that will give the best shot at really ending this affair - which it definitely is - is exposing personally to the OWH. Your hedging makes this drag on and on. Why do you trust anything your H tells you about him or her? 

They are MANAGING you. This should make you mad. It's your life. The OWH has a right to know that they have been having a secret affair. You have no real idea how much he knows, if he knows anything at all.

You are not in control of your own life if you don't actively contact the OWH.


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## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

alte Dame said:


> Why do you trust anything your H tells you about him or her?
> 
> They are MANAGING you. This should make you mad. It's your life. The OWH has a right to know that they have been having a secret affair. You have no real idea how much he knows, if he knows anything at all.



:iagree:*^^^THIS!!!^^^*:iagree:


.


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## PamJ (Mar 22, 2013)

OK, so does anyone know a way to find his cell#. I have tried a few avenues and cannot locate one. The OW would answer the home phone as she is there mostly, and also has a son who lives there. I would rather be able to contact the OWH directly, but have not been able to find a # for him. When the OWH confronted my H it was on her cell phone as he had picked it up when a text had come in from MY H and looked at it, and the ones prior to that, so he responded on her cell. I have a home address but she would get any mail I sent,I would assume, coming from our zip code, unless I just kept sending letter after letter in hopes he would eventually get one? Does anyone have any suggestions?


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

Send a registered letter requiring his signature only to their home. Make it look businesslike rather than personal, with a return address that she can't identify.


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

Also, spokeo.com.


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## PamJ (Mar 22, 2013)

"Also, spokeo.com."

I have gotten all I can get from Spokeo, mostly about the OW. The OWH is almost off the grid, no info on him directly. I really want a cell# as that would be the most reliable way to contact. She is home a lot while he travels and would intercept any calls to home phone or mail to house. He is self employed, not incorporated that I can see but not even a reliable company name. I am working on it.


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## still.hurting (Dec 10, 2012)

PamJ said:


> "Also, spokeo.com."
> 
> I have gotten all I can get from Spokeo, mostly about the OW. The OWH is almost off the grid, no info on him directly. I really want a cell# as that would be the most reliable way to contact. She is home a lot while he travels and would intercept any calls to home phone or mail to house. He is self employed, not incorporated that I can see but not even a reliable company name. I am working on it.


Pam, do you know what the OW's H does for a living? If yes; I would call on the house phone (hang up if OW answers, and if their son answers; say your looking for Mr? regarding a job he did for you and you have lost his cell #. The son shouldn't suspect anything, but I think the wife would be suspicious -hence why I would hang up if she answered...

Also, is your home phone set as 'private' so they can't work out who was the last number who called their house? 
I'm from Australia, not sure how things work over in America, but maybe talk to your phone provider?

Do you know his last name? Can you do a business search online? Maybe you will get lucky n find his registed business?

If all fails, you could hire a private investigator? They will surveil the house and approach Mr? with the evidence. They also have so many tricks on how to get incontact with someone, without causing 'suspicion'.

Does the OW have a FB or any other social site account? If so, more than likely she would have blocked you BUT, you could always make a fake account and go through her friends list. You might stumble across 'something' or better yet, find her H in her friends list?

I sent letters to ALL the OW's Husbands siblings, telling them I had very important news for their brother. I eventually got his contact details doing it that way...

One more suggestion; Your H's account (the one that he miraculously remembered the password for) do you know it now too? If so, I would be logging on when he is not around, and seeing if I could find any more dirt and info there, even past history/deleted msg's, friends on the account, go through friends of friends, etc (something is bound to click and give you more of a lead)
You could also make up a fake account for that social site...? Make sure you get some friends on your list before trying to add him and play the game with him...

Devious, I know.... But sometimes when your dealing with cheaters you have to beat them at their own game, and besides, you only have one life, you may as well have a truthful one that we all deserve...!

Good luck ;-)
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## PamJ (Mar 22, 2013)

Thanks for all the ideas. He has given me all the passwords and today I asked him to please cancel those aol accounts they used for Aim texting which he did in front of me. So now he has only his gmail personal account and his gmail business account ( I have these too as we run a business together) and of course I have those passwords too. I am also the administrator of the cell account and have access to all activity there. 

I think he's really trying , but we will see. He promises he will never hurt me this way again and, if he does, HE will leave and I can have everything (And the debt too?) but he says it won't happen. Time will tell and he knows it's a long road ahead.


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

PamJ said:


> Anyone else out there as old as me and still dealing with this crap?


You mean, like, spouses who betray over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over..... and the few times we catch them find a lie that they can pass by and keep betraying again and again and again and again and again and again and again... like yours is to you?

Yeah, I had a wife like that once. I threw her out. And it all stopped. And I finally had some peace again.

Try it.

You'll like it.

THROW HIM OUT!!!!!!!


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

PamJ said:


> In an update, mostly for myself to sort/ vent; we are almost a month past my discovery of his 2nd cyber-affair with the same woman.
> 
> I kept telling him I needed to know all the details and giving him opportunities to tell me what I might later find out. I wanted to know all the forms of communication. As usual these came in drips and drabs, one piece at a time. Why do they do that?
> 
> ...


Oh Pam, this is so sad.

He betrays you repeatedly, lies to you, you decide to try and buy into the lies and it just starts all over again. 

I can see how much you want this to work, but it has been an epic fail for years. 

I think it's time to look out for Pam and try and find some peace and happiness and stop living the lies he is feeding you.

I'd ask him to leave and not come back. I really would. His lies are so unacceptable. Be strong and have self respect.


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## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

X
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## PamJ (Mar 22, 2013)

Update now 3 months past D Day: Things have been going very well. H has been doing all the right things, no contact that I can see anywhere, very remorseful, very understanding , willing to talk, answer questions say he is fully committed to us. He is reading 'Not Just Friends' and sees it as very appropriate to what happened and tells me what he is reading. 

He is taking more time with me and we are doing things together, walking, talking, date nights etc. Even as late as last night he asked me if I had any questions for him. I said no but I appreciated his willingness to help heal this wound in our relationship.

He told me again he has had no contact with OW and would let me know if he did, but he did not expect it as they had definitively ended it.

Today he went out shopping for a birthday present for me and a little while later he called me. "I have to tell you something", he said. "I just got a text from (OW) . "She told me she did not appreciate me giving out her phone # and the subsequent obscene phone calls from a blocked #." She went on to say "If this continues, I will be forced to stoop to your level"

WT!!! He is not that guy, and I am not that person to do this. Especially as he took responsibility for starting up with her again and never blamed her for anything. He thought they parted well, with no hard feelings.

The good part is he called me right away, asked if he should respond and what he should say. I told him what I thought he should say , which included "do not contact me again" and told him not to delete any texts as I want to see them when he gets home.

She said the phone calls started a few months ago after the A ended. I am thinking , since it has been a recurring thing that either a) she was messing around with someone else, or b) HER H is testing her to see if she would respond as he caught them before I did.

Just when I thought I was getting past thinking about this every damn day. I told H, so she thoguht you were the kind of person who would DO such a thing? and all the while YOU thougth she was a truly nice person. Great.

This is why you don't mess around with people outside of your marriage. They don't care about you OR your marriage, and karma is now kicking her right in the butt.


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## doubletrouble (Apr 23, 2013)

Thumbs up, Pam. I hope he stays on the narrow path with you and makes history fade into the rear view mirror to the point where you don't think about it (much) any more.


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## janefw (Jun 26, 2012)

> Today he went out shopping for a birthday present for me and a little while later he called me. "I have to tell you something", he said. "I just got a text from (OW) . "She told me she did not appreciate me giving out her phone # and the subsequent obscene phone calls from a blocked #." She went on to say "If this continues, I will be forced to stoop to your level"


Are you sure that your H is not the one making these calls - or they have not cooked up this way to start contacting each other again? Or is she telling lies to start up the contact? 

What is your "level" btw? What does that mean? 

Can your husband change his cell number or get her blocked from his phone?

ETA: It's just odd to me that she texts him when you are not there .. it sends up red flags .. sounds strange ..


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## PamJ (Mar 22, 2013)

When she said "level" we assumed she meant , as she thought HE was the one who gave out her number, that she would respond in kind at the level, doing something as bad, I guess? 

No matter what mistakes my H has made , this is not his character to do such a thing. He really thought she was a nice person, they broke it off with no hard feelings either way, said it was time to end it. There has been no evidence of anything continuing and I check everything, which he knows. The Verizon acct has showed nothing, , and this is how she contacted him today, on his Verizon cell phone, so her text showed up there today for the first time in 3 months. I have also used VARS 2-3 month now and nothing there either. I do believe he is being honest now.

As far as her intent, that is hard to say. I told him it might be her way of making contact without making it look like she was trying to do that. I also thought maybe she actually knows who is calling her and perhaps her H saw, heard a call, and gave her a hard time so she texted my H to make it looks like it was him as we live 1000 miles away, so no chance of her H and my H meeting. Who knows.

My H told her it was not him OR me , that we would not do such a thing and don't contact him again. He showed me the texts when he got home. 

I WILL contact her H if this happens again. Or maybe we should just block her # now and be done with it. My H will agree to anything to make me happier about this. She would really have to go out of her way to contact him in that case as he has closed the email accts he used before and I have not seen anything else come up. I have full access to his phone internet history too.


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

I hope things continue to go well for you.


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## PamJ (Mar 22, 2013)

"I hope things continue to go well for you."

Thank you, so do I. I told my H this afternoon that we don't know what really happened with her and the "obscene phone calls" so, rather than try to figure it out and keep talking about it, we will consider it a dead issue unless she makes contact again. He said he will let me know if she does, and I believe him, since he did so today.


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## janefw (Jun 26, 2012)

I am sorry to sound so suspicious Pam, I just have never yet seen anyone recover 100% from this kind of behavior. IMO, it should be a no brainer - on your husband's part - to block this woman's number. There should be no door there, even partly open, for him or her to push open. KWIM? Block her and have done.


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## PamJ (Mar 22, 2013)

<<I am sorry to sound so suspicious Pam, I just have never yet seen anyone recover 100% from this kind of behavior. IMO, it should be a no brainer - on your husband's part - to block this woman's number. There should be no door there, even partly open, for him or her to push open. KWIM? Block her and have done.>>

We did block her # last night. We just hadn't thought it was necessary as she seemed as anxious as we were that there would be no more contact. She did not want any trouble, she said. It had been 3 months since there was any evidence of contact.

And don't think for a minute I am not suspicious, of almost everything now. I am cautiously optimistic, as they say, but am guarding my heart a little bit still in case this R doesn't stick. 

H was not happy either about what happened yesterday and apologized several times for ruining my day (we were also celebrating my birthday and Father's Day last night due to conflicting family schedules) so we are just hoping she doesn't continue to accuse and let's it go, again.


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## PamJ (Mar 22, 2013)

Yesterday was our anniversary, our 34th. We will celebrate next weekend as H had to work yesterday. While he was out working he sent me this email that made me smile, just sharing:

"On our anniversary, I cant begin to explain how grateful I am that you are giving me another chance. I know I don't deserve it. You did not deserve my acts of selfishness. I am sorry. I hope to never hurt you like that again. 

It was 34 years ago tonight, I married a beautiful young lady. You have only gotten more beautiful to me. 

We did not pick an easy life. It has been a huge strain sometimes. I think we can make it. 

I love you Pam. I don't know what I would do without you. Please forgive me. I promise to be a better husband. 

XOXO
I love you "


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## Rugs (Apr 12, 2013)

Sorry Pam,

I have read this whole thread and I'm not buying the remorse. This is called Rug Sweeping and not getting to the root of the problem.

Your husband has lied to you for years and now is playing nice until this episode blows over. 

I don't think for a second, your husband has changed his ways and why should he. He plays nice and he is forgiven until it happens again. Rinse and repeat......

I know it's easier to take the nice road. Divorce is hard after so many years of marriage but please know, I think you married a serial cheater that will do anything to have his cake and eat it too.


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## PamJ (Mar 22, 2013)

Rugs: 

I understand the concept of rug sweeping, I don't think this is it, though. I am taking him at his word for he has been upfront with me and I see no evidence of any more contact with the OW. He told me immediately the last time it happened, which was unprovoked by him.

I've also read your threads and see where you are coming from. I see you have either decided not to divorce or are putting it off.

We all make our choices and I am betting on mine right now. Time will tell.


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## See_Listen_Love (Jun 28, 2012)

PamJ said:


> We have been married a long time. 16 years ago I discovered my husbands online affair that started in an online backgammon room at a time when I thought everything was fine with our marriage but knew he was going through maybe a mid-life crisis where he thought life was passing him by and he wasn't having enough fun. I meanwhile was in the middle of raising two very active boys that he spent little time with due to his business.
> 
> It took a while but we got past that once he finally stopped communicating with her after maybe a year or more, where at the end they were "just friends". At one point he had even tried to convince what a nice person she was and how I would really like her, oh and how she had helped him decide to stay with me,...if it weren't for what they had both done.
> 
> ...


I get that he does not understand what he is doing. He will see it is a problem for you, but he does not see he needs to stay within your both marriage boundaries

Maybe, after reading Not Just Friends, he should start reading her on the EA's. That would clarify a lot, and maybe he will understand then.

If he does not change his view he will have more of it.


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## PamJ (Mar 22, 2013)

<<Maybe, after reading Not Just Friends, he should start reading her on the EA's. That would clarify a lot, and maybe he will understand then.>>

It took a while but he did finish reading Not Just Friends. He was interested in discussing it with me and found it helpful although not all of it related to his affair (online/phone).

Is there another book by Shirley Glass strictly about EAs as mentioned above. I cannot find any listed and she is now deceased so no more forthcoming, obviously.

Much of the NJF book was about affairs that were local EAs that became PAs but that was not the case with my WH.

Are there any recommendations for books only about EAs?


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## See_Listen_Love (Jun 28, 2012)

PamJ said:


> It took a while but he did finish reading Not Just Friends. He was interested in discussing it with me and found it helpful although not all of it related to his affair (online/phone).


That is very good. Not all of a book needs to relate 1 on 1 to be useful. Even only one point taken from a good advice can bring meaningful change to one's life.




> Is there another book by Shirley Glass strictly about EAs as mentioned above. I cannot find any listed and she is now deceased so no more forthcoming, obviously.
> 
> Much of the NJF book was about affairs that were local EAs that became PAs but that was not the case with my WH.
> 
> Are there any recommendations for books only about EAs?


That's an error in you view here. The point of her book is that bad boundaries can lead to an EA and that can grow easily to a PA.

So it's about the bad boundaries in the mind of spouses, persons in a relation.


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## PamJ (Mar 22, 2013)

<<That's an error in you view here. The point of her book is that bad boundaries can lead to an EA and that can grow easily to a PA.

So it's about the bad boundaries in the mind of spouses, persons in a relation.>>

Oh, I agree, I found it very helpful myself, and so did he, I was responding to the person who said there was a Shirley Glass book on EAs.

I know it would have been very possible that my WHs EA could have become a PA had they loved closer than 1000 miles. But, I think that's why he chose that route, he said along they were never going to meet or leaves their spouses.

I was just wondering if there was a book that delved more into the cyber part of the draw into an afair. I found one but it was more about cyber porn and chat rooms which also was not part of the deal here.


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