# Wife Hanging Out W/ Friend A Lot



## danintn (Jul 3, 2017)

My wife (with bisexual tendencies) recently (April 2017) began going out almost every night with one particular friend (lesbian female) but also not limited to just that friend. She gets off work late (10pm-12am) doesn;t come home till 2am or 3am most times and goes to "hang out with this girl who I knew to be attracted to her. Girl has stayed over a few times at my house in the bed with us when she does I fell like my wife snuggles her more than what she does when we are alone in the bed together. I have tried to tell her that I desire for her to be home with me more and she says things like she doesn't want to be at home that she needs to get out of the house we have five kids and she says that she needs adult time and has pulled the "You're to controlling" card a couple times I have only been able to go hang with her once since this started and kinda felt like the fifth wheel then. I don't know what to do I hurt inside to spend more time with her and can;t seem to get it no matter how hard I try. Just want some advice on how to handle this situation. Feel free to ask me questions if you need more info to help.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

I do not touch on these posts.

It is pointless. Women involved make no large point. They do not have the equipment.

Well, I guess they can buy the hard-wear,


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

I can tell you this. You can't make her do anything but you can take yourself out of this.

Setting back and doing nothing will just get you more of the same.

You're controlling is BS. No husband would put up with this crap


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Basically stand up for yourself. If you don't you'll just keep getting walked on. Marriage is for two not three.


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## hylton7 (Jan 24, 2017)

tell her you want a divorce.


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## Vinnydee (Jan 4, 2016)

My wife was hanging out a lot with her lifelong best friend after she had gotten divorced. I am going to make a long story short because I have posted it so much already. Turns out that my wife's best friend is bi and my wife had begun to fantasize about sex with women almost exclusively. My wife did not want to cheat on me so she cleverly arranged for her girlfriend to have sex with me first so that she could join in later. We ended up moving our girlfriend into our home and forming a poly triad with her that lasted 30 years. My wife still refuses to have sex with a woman unless I take part, if only just to watch. I tested that many times. If I left the bedroom they would stop what they were doing to each other, talk about other things and then resume when I got back. Very weird and all they said was that it was more fun with me there.

In retrospect, the clues were there but I never thought that my once virgin bride would be bi. I should have at least considered it since my ex fiance is also bi as was my ex girlfriend. Try indirectly feeling your wife out about bisexuality. Say that you read that most women are naturally bi and then ask her if she ever thought about sex with another woman. Harmless enough way to bring it up. You also need to make her feel comfortable about being bi. My wife went 7 years hiding it from me thinking that I would leave her if I found out. The problem will be if she is bi and you are against it. I think I would not be happy if my wife wanted o date women who did not want me as part of the relationship. I am one very lucky guy that my wife would not have sex with a woman without me and that was tested a few times. Be aware that bisexuality is not black and white. A bi person can only desire a same sex person in only a few areas of their life and not all if it. For instance, my wife only wants to date men, have relationships with men and only marry a man. She only likes girls for sex and companionship. She never once hugged or kissed her girlfriend outside of sex. Our girlfriend was fine with dating and relationships with women but ended up marrying a guy because it made life easier back in our day and age.

Good luck. I have talked to a few husbands of bi wives and some fell that woman or man, their wives cannot date them. Others are OK with their wives having female lovers.


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## Warrior73 (Jun 25, 2017)

danintn said:


> My wife (with bisexual tendencies) recently (April 2017) began going out almost every night with one particular friend (lesbian female) but also not limited to just that friend. She gets off work late (10pm-12am) doesn;t come home till 2am or 3am most times and goes to "hang out with this girl who I knew to be attracted to her. Girl has stayed over a few times at my house in the bed with us when she does I fell like my wife snuggles her more than what she does when we are alone in the bed together. I have tried to tell her that I desire for her to be home with me more and she says things like she doesn't want to be at home that she needs to get out of the house we have five kids and she says that she needs adult time and has pulled the "You're to controlling" card a couple times I have only been able to go hang with her once since this started and kinda felt like the fifth wheel then. I don't know what to do I hurt inside to spend more time with her and can;t seem to get it no matter how hard I try. Just want some advice on how to handle this situation. Feel free to ask me questions if you need more info to help.


I've seen many posts on this site and others where married women still act like they are single...5 kids and a husband at home and going out to party every night...She needs a wake up call...tell her if she wants to act single, she needs to give you the ring back and give you a divorce. If she wants to be married, grow the F up and come home to your family. I am 44 and married with one child. I work 2 jobs so that my son can have his mother home with him and he could go to a good pre-school instead of daycare. I rarely have a guys night out and when I do it is usually dinner, a movie, or shooting pool and a few beers with my friends. My wife rarely has a girls night out either. The point is that when we do go out, we aren't acting as if we are single...People need to grow the F up, Honor their vows, and take care of their responsibilities!


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## BobSimmons (Mar 2, 2013)

danintn said:


> I don't know what to do I hurt inside .


Anytime a grown man starts saying "I'm hurt she won't spend time with me" while doing zero about it gets stomped on like the doormat they are.

Stop being hurt.

Do something about it.

Even less about going out (at the bare minimum not even taking into account she might be cheating) but you have 5 kids, it's irresponsible to keep going out until late what if something happens.

..and you let the girlfriend in your bed?

Dude come on man.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

danintn said:


> My wife (with bisexual tendencies) recently (April 2017) began going out almost every night with one particular friend (lesbian female) but also not limited to just that friend. She gets off work late (10pm-12am) doesn;t come home till 2am or 3am most times and goes to "hang out with this girl who I knew to be attracted to her. Girl has stayed over a few times at my house in the bed with us when she does I fell like my wife snuggles her more than what she does when we are alone in the bed together. I have tried to tell her that I desire for her to be home with me more and she says things like she doesn't want to be at home that she needs to get out of the house we have five kids and she says that she needs adult time and has pulled the "You're to controlling" card a couple times I have only been able to go hang with her once since this started and kinda felt like the fifth wheel then. I don't know what to do I hurt inside to spend more time with her and can;t seem to get it no matter how hard I try. Just want some advice on how to handle this situation. Feel free to ask me questions if you need more info to help.


You let this other lady into the bed with you???????No wonder she thinks its ok to cheat.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

You have to sit her down and talk to her

1. tell her you have five kids and she needs to be a mother and wife and not out gallivanting around
If she doesn't want to then you will kick her to the kerb and find someone who does want to

2. do the 180 on her, go and see a lawyer and see what your options are

3. You cannot nice her back into your marriage, but do not make it easy for her to be out late, do not baby sit etc

4. what on earth are you allowing a grown ass woman into your bed with you and your wife, dont you have any boundaries at all?

5. Tell all family and friends what she has been up to, ask your parents, her parents to baby sit etc. You go with her

6. arrange to go pick her up from work every day so she does not have the opportunity to stay out late, make it difficult for her. Be clear you will not put up with this nonsense.

If she says you are controlling, tell her there is the door, go, Then close any joint accounts, etc.

Are you earning? How old are you kids?


You need to start setting boundaries now, though I suspect your wife has been pulling you by the nose for some time. Read NMMNG and put your foot down.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Just in case you haven't quite figured it out yet, you're W isn't exactly going over to that gal's house for "milk and cookies!"

To wit, go ahead and ask her the pointed question of exactly how her absence away from her kids is directly beneficial to them! You had better be prepared to wait her out for a viable answer to that question because she ain't going to be able to come up with a suitable one!

Then it's contingent upon you to go visit a family attorney to appraise you of both your custodial as well as property rights; as well as to executed divorce proceedings!

As is, she is no wife, and she certainly doesn't meet the criteria for being any kind of mother! 

Give her the air!*


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## zookeeper (Oct 2, 2012)

There is no way that one person can fulfill the sexual needs of a bisexual. They need both men and women.

It seems exceedingly unlikely that a bisexual could feel happy in the long term by entering a monogamous relationship with one person. 

That's the elephant in the room. You want the antithesis of what she wants. Time to put the cards on the table.


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## Bobby5000 (Oct 19, 2011)

I think there should be more listening and dialogue and trying to understand her concerns than the other posters but I agree there is a serious problem and a dysfunctional situation. Having another girl in bed with you is weird.


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