# Question about giving oral to my H



## yellowstar (Jun 18, 2012)

We've been married for almost 10yrs.

He loves when I go down on him and when I do I get really into it etc. Even if I initially am not that into it, once I start I get really into it and I can tell he loves it.

BUT, he never finishes from me down there, he has always said it's just hard for him to that way, so when I do it, it's usually just part of foreplay. 

So are some guys just like this or maybe I'm not doing it the 'right' way or long enough? How long does a guy take to finish from just a BJ? I want to be better at pleasing him orally, but I know he has never complained and is happy with our sex life.

Help please :scratchhead:


----------



## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

yellowstar said:


> We've been married for almost 10yrs.
> 
> He loves when I go down on him and when I do I get really into it etc. Even if I initially am not that into it, once I start I get really into it and I can tell he loves it.
> 
> ...


Yeah, this really gets to my wife as well.

Oral feels fantastic to me BUT it's just too light a touch to get me off in any acceptable amount of time.

A lot of guys are like this.

I often don't allow my wife to keep going because I fear it'll become a chore for her instead of a pleasure so I usually stop her after a few minutes for intercourse.

The wife was feeling like she just couldn't please me and it was getting her down.
I never found a way to make her understand that no woman ever had an easy time getting me off orally, that it was me not her.

Every now and then we have an oral marathon where it does take 20-30 minutes of oral and handiwork to get me off in "The BJ chair".


Women often have a shallow view of male sexuality because they came of age thinking that as long as a man is getting it and getting off all is good.

It's a bit more complex than that though and it's really hard to get around that programming when trying to explain how my body actually works to a woman.

It's really not you OP, he's probably like me in this area.

If he says he's happy with what y'all have going on then trust me, he isn't BSing you.


----------



## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

I have trouble orgasming from a BJ. Part of it is that a lot of my pleasure comes from my partners pleasure. Part of it is also (I think) because its a passive thing, my mind tends to wander more than when I'm more actively involved. And the last part is because my stbxw taught me for 17 years that on the few occasions she gave me a BJ, I better not even think of finishing that way! Or that would be the last time. 

C


----------



## yellowstar (Jun 18, 2012)

I guess I just worry because he was never with anyone before me. When we got first dated and got married I was the experienced one and he was waiting till the right person I guess or marriage. He has never complained and I know from his reaction that he loves it but I just wonder sometimes. I have a feeling that while it's good he also gets turned on by pleasuring me too. So sometimes we both go at it at the same time (69) but again, its a part of foreplay and not to finish with. I've asked him would he ever want to finish on me somewhere since he usually can't finish when I'm going down on him but it the past 12 yrs of being together, he's only done that once or twice (on my chest) but it was earlier on of us being together.


----------



## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

tacoma said:


> Women often have a shallow view of male sexuality because they came of age thinking that as long as a man is getting it and getting off all is good.
> 
> It's a bit more complex than that though and it's really hard to get around that programming when trying to explain how my body actually works to a woman.
> 
> ...


Just music. So well put 

You see ladies, we are more complex than you thought
​


----------



## nevergveup (Feb 18, 2013)

Well maybe hes being considerate about your feelings as thoughtful males know not all females enjoy finishing a bj
orally or on there body parts.

Hes probably holding back cause hes afraid you might not
like the release of him.Piv release is neater in a sense.

Be open and just ask him about this.Hes a lucky guy,
this one thing my wife has yet to do.


----------



## ohiodude (Jan 25, 2012)

I'm in the same (hard to orgasm during BJ) club. It's very pleasurable and I love the show, but in addition to what the others have said so far (and they are 100% spot on), I have a hard time because I've been "programmed" to take care of my lady first - she comes first, then me. I still haven't been able to relax my thinking to let that happen. It sometimes frustrates my wife (sometimes we just give up) but hey, it's still nice.


----------



## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

Yellowstar,

Once a man has cum, he loses all interest until he has recovered. He probably does not want to "waste" his orgasm in your mouth because it will not be a shared experience. He sees intercourse as the proper way of sharing with you.

Imagine if you got your way, what the scenario would be:
He comes from a bj, and then just wants to spoon and fall asleep. Game over. Maybe he might finish you manually... You might be shocked at the sudden ending, just when you got to your horniest!

The trouble with your plan is that modern men have been brought up to be kind and considerate. they just don't "take things" like they used to. Of course you can still find men like that but their shortcomings tend to outweigh their plus points.

However, you could probably convince him that you want him to be more of a "he man", and finish in your mouth - take his pleasure and be more selfish. But if you go down this route, may I suggest you tell him it will just be occasionally. If you do it too often, you may not like the long term consequences.

Personally, I don't like to cum this way. I love it as foreplay, but I don't like the "game over" aspect. If I was with someone who really wanted this, I would do it occasionally, and make a wild night of it. In fact, I'm finding the idea quite exciting...


----------



## yellowstar (Jun 18, 2012)

nevergveup said:


> Well maybe hes being considerate about your feelings as thoughtful males know not all females enjoy finishing a bj
> orally or on there body parts.
> 
> Hes probably holding back cause hes afraid you might not
> ...


I've asked him, said I'm fine with that or finishing somewhere on me if he gives me a warning first. He said he just really can't finish from a BJ, part of it is that he loves the way it feels but its not going to 'get him there'. It's always been like this and we've both never had a problem, I've just wondered well what if I learned more/got better if he would or not. 

The only thing I really focus on when I'm down there is to not neglect anything and enjoy the experience/get into it...at the least for me I love watching him 'feel good' while I'm down there. I also sometimes make sure my hair is down so it kind of lays on him and tickles him (he said he likes when my hair is down when I'm down there). And also sometimes I move so I can make sure HE can see himself in my mouth and my expressions (if that makes sense).


----------



## yellowstar (Jun 18, 2012)

MarkTwain said:


> Yellowstar,
> 
> Once a man has cum, he loses all interest until he has recovered. He probably does not want to "waste" his orgasm in your mouth because it will not be a shared experience. He sees intercourse as the proper way of sharing with you.
> 
> ...



This makes a lot of sense (and what others have said above). Of course I wouldn't want him to love finishing this way and not want to be with me (and maybe that's part of his reasoning/the way he's wired) and that's fine. Just once in awhile would be nice though...for example, we were driving once with no kids in the car so I went down on him just for fun (on the highway). It was fun for both of us but he can't finish that way and it would have been really difficult to find a place, pull over and finish on a busy road in the daytime. But he still loved the experience. I'm fine with not 'bringing him there' with only a BJ but I was curious if this was normal or not.


----------



## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

yellowstar said:


> I'm fine with not 'bringing him there' with only a BJ but I was curious if this was normal or not.


Ho sounds like the perfect lover to me  And you're not so bad yourself


----------



## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

He might have a mental block about cumming in your mouth. He never has? Show him you really want it. Ride him until he's about to finish, then go down at the last second to finish him orally.


----------



## catfan (Jan 12, 2013)

I'm glad with this post, as my bf cannot orgasm either by oral. So yes, I guess it's rather normal. Luckily I managed to give him some happy endings with a hand job, he never could before either. So there might be hope


----------



## HappyHubby (Aug 16, 2012)

Also never finished from a BJ.. seems you are part of the norm here OP. 

I think LanieB has it right that you need to use your hand (lubed from your mouth of course) and stroke up and down and maybe with a gentle twisting motion as you move your mouth back and forth.

Here is the key.. once you find a rhythm that really feels good for him you have to do EXACTLY that until he finishes. Do not change speeds, motions, anything. Like a robot..

How do you find that right motion? Practice and communication. He needs to be honest with you about what feels best and what doesn't and you have to not get frustrated or angry if when he's instructing you you aren't getting it right away. Show frustration and he'll just shutup, communication dies and you'll never know.. and he'll never cum.


----------



## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

I can not reach climax off a BJ alone. It must always involve a combination of oral and hand in order to take me over the edge.

When my wife first started, she was not good at them. Our BJs use to last over an hour at times. She's far better at it now, loves to give them, they are an amazing turn on, and yet still I need a BJ/HJ to finish.


----------



## LoriC (Feb 18, 2013)

LanieB said:


> It's possible there's not enough pressure from your mouth. Maybe concentrate on making it "tighter". Also, use your tongue to apply pressure - and you can also use your hand on him at the same time. My husband has the opposite problem - he wants me to slow it down so he can savor it!


My H did not finish this way for years because he didn't know how I felt about it. Those were the days that our communication was very much lacking. Those days are over. I have no issues with it at all! In fact I want him to finish in my mouth. When I give a BJ, there is no mess ;-). 

My word of advice is "suck it like it has the antidote in it!"


----------



## inarut (Feb 9, 2013)

[QUOTE=tacoma;

Women often have a shallow view of male sexuality because they came of age thinking that as long as a man is getting it and getting off all is good.

It's a bit more complex than that though and it's really hard to get around that programming when trying to explain how my body actually works to a woman.

Could you expand on that? How is the view shallow? Also, if your wife did it differently... maybe without such a light touch would it make a difference?


----------



## inarut (Feb 9, 2013)

MarkTwain said:


> Yellowstar,
> 
> Once a man has cum, he loses all interest until he has recovered. He probably does not want to "waste" his orgasm in your mouth because it will not be a shared experience. He sees intercourse as the proper way of sharing with you.
> 
> ...


Good point.
Maybe just suprise him with one...no reciprocation expected, just for him. My last boyfriend was like your husband, it started to bother me too. He had never been able to cum from a bj in the past. Once when he had a bad day i just did it to make him feel better and he came...pretty quickly! He was shocked and told me later that was his first time. Prior to that he would tell me he was getting too horney and wanted PIV...


----------



## mineforever (Jan 31, 2013)

Never been told it was to light a touch. There are a lot of methods to doing a bj, bj/hj, bj/pm (prostate message)...try some different combinations and yes you have to really suck and lick with pressure. Is you focus on the tip it really helps.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## inarut (Feb 9, 2013)

LanieB said:


> It's possible there's not enough pressure from your mouth. Maybe concentrate on making it "tighter". Also, use your tongue to apply pressure - and you can also use your hand on him at the same time. My husband has the opposite problem - he wants me to slow it down so he can savor it!


:iagree:
Hands, tongue, mouth combo...especially if "too light of touch" is the issue.


----------



## inarut (Feb 9, 2013)

HappyHubby said:


> Also never finished from a BJ.. seems you are part of the norm here OP.
> 
> I think LanieB has it right that you need to use your hand (lubed from your mouth of course) and stroke up and down and maybe with a gentle twisting motion as you move your mouth back and forth.
> 
> ...




Some men can be just as uncomfortable verbalizing as some women. I think he could if you worked together on this and he really communicated like stated above. But then again some women here say they cant cum from oral...will never understand that but if its true for women than I'm sure some men just never will either.


----------



## Inside_Looking_Out (Apr 8, 2012)

I am a woman, that loves to give oral, but am not that comfortable with receiving it. Mostly because, I rarely ever orgasm with oral alone...much like the men speaking up, the pressure just isn't right. My husband loves to give oral...so this has become an issue with us before.

The way we came to a better understanding about it was with the understanding that when the 'giver' just really really wants to play...that it's with no expectation that anything HAS to happen. If I were to recieve oral, under an over-powering expectation to orgasm, I would be completely uncomfortable. I would feel more like I had to perform. 

In fact, on days when he wants to perform oral, those are often the days we play with light bondage. It makes me feel like he is doing what he wants to, and I am not under pressure to do anything but lay there.

Is this is something that will enhance sex for YOU, is it something very very important to you? If so, then maybe approach him with this same understanding that you want to perform oral because YOU love to do it. Release him from any expectation for completion. Then take your time playing. If it happens, great! If not...well you have worked yourself up for the next stage :0

If he doesn't seem to care about it, then don't fret. In my case...it's not my husband's performance at all. There really is little he can do to improve, it's just not right for me. My body just wants something different. Don't beat yourself up!


----------



## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

MarkTwain said:


> .............
> 
> Imagine if you got your way, what the scenario would be:
> He comes from a bj, and then just wants to spoon and fall asleep. Game over. Maybe he might finish you manually... You might be shocked at the sudden ending, just when you got to your horniest!
> ...


This is really selling some men short. SO is happy to "take things" as you say but have to say he is also the most giving, considerate lover I have ever had.
There is nothing at all wrong with a man (or woman) just enjoying something done for them without the need to reciprocate all the time.

OP at times I will grab him, stay fully dressed myself (which means this is just for him) give him a BJ to completion and that is it for that time. 
We do have a lot of sex though so later that day it won't be a BJ to completion.

This might work for you two, it lets him know that it is all about his pleasure.

I agree with the pp's, good suction is needed and add in a HJ to help get him there.


----------



## Hopefull363 (Feb 13, 2012)

My husband couldn't cum from just oral either. After 15 years of marriage I just now learned how to deep throat. I can only do it from a 69 position though. He also really enjoys pleasuring me. So now when we 69 we have to stop sometimes or we don't make it to vaginal sex. Whether we make it to vaginal sex or not doesn't matter to me because we both are having orgasms. I cant believe it took 15 years for me to learn this. We have so much fun with this we have sex almost every night.


----------



## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

It is a light touch so try sucking for a few minutes until he is really reved up then keep your face fairly close to his crouch and switch to a fairly vigorous hj for a couple of minutes. Then go back to mouth action. That combo will probably get you there. When he blows his top swallow and say damn that was ymmy. LOL


----------



## TOMTEFAR (Feb 23, 2013)

If your H is circumsized that has cause a lot of his nervendings in the tip of his P to wither away. That will make it much more difficult to cum from a BJ.

I beleive a lot of those having problems with getting an O from a BJ either have a mental thing or have had their foreskin removed.


----------



## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

inarut said:


> Could you expand on that? How is the view shallow? Also, if your wife did it differently... maybe without such a light touch would it make a difference?


In my experience most women buy into the cultural belief that men just want to get off and they're happy.
Feed them and they're happy
Blow them and they're happy.

Western culture seems to have a very simplistic view of men especially sexually.

Male biological sexuality/mentality is every bit as complex as a womans and in fact not very different from womens.

It's the cultural memes (exampled above) we're all invested in that create a false impression of what men are and want sexually.


----------



## Happyquest (Apr 21, 2009)

mineforever said:


> Never been told it was to light a touch. There are a lot of methods to doing a bj, bj/hj, bj/pm (prostate message)...try some different combinations and yes you have to really suck and lick with pressure. Is you focus on the tip it really helps.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Gotta love someone that loves giving a BJ


----------



## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

Happyquest said:


> Gotta love someone that loves giving a BJ


Underside of the tip is also a hot spot.


----------



## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

Another vote for alternating rigorous HJ along with the BJ. If you watch the pros do it, they put a healthy amount of spit on before the HJ too. 

My wife has it down to two minutes. The joke is "what took you so long".


----------



## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Didn't read all the posts so someone might have suggested this. Sorry if that is the case.

I suggest that it could be one or more of these things:
He has a mental block because of his respect for you and it seems disrespectful to let you finish him.

It doesn't feel as good to him as he needs to be able to finish.(Try saying something or hum a little in your deepest voice.)

He needs you to look at him while you are doing it; at least a little.(The look can be incredibly arousing even if just once in a while.)

He needs to see what you are doing.(Watching you perform can be incredibly arousing.)

You are laying on him and he doesn't feel the freedom he needs to finish.(This act you are performing is submissive in nature and if he feels he has no control, it may decrease his desire to finish. If this is it, you can wrap your hand around him so he is not able to thrust as deeply. He will have to accommodate you by not being too aggressive with his thrusts.)

Also, a gentle sucking once in a while can help to increase desire. It must be gentle and only try it since not everyone likes this. 

Rubbing your stiffened tongue against the under side of his penis just behind the head while it is in your mouth is pleasurable as well.

Just some thoughts I hope will help. Good luck.


----------



## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

Wiserforit said:


> My wife has it down to two minutes.


It's not a race!
I practice semen retention, so I don't like to cum every time I have sex anyway.


----------



## Omgitsjoe (Oct 1, 2012)

Happyquest said:


> Gotta love someone that loves giving a BJ


And I do ..... my wife who really gets into it !!! Her enthusiasm is the sexiest thing when she's giving me one of her " patented " BJ's  !!


----------



## debbysteelefen (May 12, 2013)

I might know a thing or 2 about this and say it is normal.

Im 42, 20 years married but have an agreement with my husband where I can date other men.

In my experiences, not all guys can cum from a blowjob, its a small percentage who no matter what you do it just wont happen.

There is things I have done for guys who cant usually cum from oral, 

Things like using my hand in front of my mouth almost like masturbating them, works sometimes.

If the guys is standing up instead of laying down, works sometimes.

Not using a condom during blowjob.

But I say in my opinion, perfecly normal.


----------



## Laila8 (Apr 24, 2013)

It depends on the guy I suppose. My H really loves oral and I can usually get him to finish in about 3-4 minutes. I don't think it has much to do with technique as there are only so many ways you can lick/suck a penis, you know?  Maybe try doing it when he's really, really turned on and he's already close.


----------



## NewHubs (Dec 23, 2012)

debbysteelefen said:


> If the guys is standing up instead of laying down, works sometimes.


As a guy I can speak that this works for me. My wife likes that I stand with my hands at my side while performing oral on me. I am able to orgasm in her mouth by standing.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------

