# Romance



## Anonymous07 (Aug 4, 2012)

How do you show romance to your husband or wife? Is it only on special occasions or is it more often?


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Anonymous07 said:


> How do you show romance to your husband or wife? *Is it only on special occasions or is it more often?*


EVERY DAY!!!

Both I and my SO send texts to each other during the day -- some sweet nothings, some SEXY, some downright dirty!!

If one is in the shower, the other of us will often get in too. Or towel the other one off when getting out. Or rub lotion on their body when the shower is over. Which can lead to other things... 

SO brings me coffee in bed almost every morning and kisses me awake...

He leaves me "love notes" on the kitchen table when he leaves for work...

I cook/prepare food for him often which is pure LOVE for him  (you know, the old saying -- "the way to a man's heart is through his stomach" -- so true for him!)

We always walk into stores, the mall, the movies, arm-in-arm or holding hands. I LOVE this.

When we're at the movies, he always raises the arm rest between us so we can sit closer 

When we watch TV, we're always touching. Leg against leg, me lying on his chest, holding hands, etc.

He undresses me before bed... one of his favorite things (and mine).

He whistles at me (yes, a cat-call whistle) when I'm getting dressed 

We both give each other cards, flowers, and small surprises often. Sometimes when I get home, there is a bottle of wine uncorked and already poured. Heck, sometimes it's just *sparkling water* but it's all the same to me! Or I will prepare his favorite appetizer, ready when he walks in, to munch on while we're preparing dinner.

Every once in awhile, he leaves a Hershey Kiss on my pillow at night  (I am such a sucker for those!)

And we BOTH sleep tangled up in each other. Can't sleep unless feet, arms, legs are intertwined. 

*Great thread...*


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

happy as a clam said:


> EVERY DAY!!!
> 
> Both I and my SO send texts to each other during the day -- some sweet nothings, some SEXY, some downright dirty!!
> 
> ...


You two are definitely not the norm.

For me, all it really takes is occasional texts to say I'm thinking of you, a hug here and there, and asking me out on a date! I'm pretty low maintenance......


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

happy as a clam said:


> EVERY DAY!!!
> 
> Both I and my SO send texts to each other during the day -- some sweet nothings, some SEXY, some downright dirty!!
> 
> ...


This is my H and I too. It's not work..... we enjoy romancing each other. We enjoy each other. We sit together at the table for dinner, we sit on the same side of the booth when out to dinner, we're not afraid to kiss in public, we rub on each other, we are appreciative of each other.... and we are sweet to each other. 

One of us will light candles (not every night), or one of us will bring up a bowl of ice cream to eat naked in bed....because naked ice cream is awesome! 

We don't argue, or fight, or bicker.... we don't get pissy with each other, we LIKE each other. 

Sounds great doesn't it? We both knock on wood, and are constantly appreciative of what we have. Who knew? We are not babies, we are in our 50's.... we know how much it matters to show appreciation, and to cherish each other.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

So many different ways:


- We always go out of town for our wedding anniversary. The trips vary each year, heighten our sense of romance, and are just really wonderful times for us.

- Daily touching throughout the day. We have a lot of skin to skin contact. Kisses on various parts of the body, light petting, rubbing fingers through hair, clasping hands when we're sitting close, back rubs. We're affectionate in public and sometimes still hold hands.

- We typically give gifts and cards on the holidays and our anniversary. We use to give more "just because" things in the past. We should bring that back.

- We regularly text "I love yous". 

- There's a dash of romance anytime one of us cooks for the other. She doesn't think much of herself as cook, but I love when she cooks for me (and she's gotten so, so much better).

- Sex, of course.

- We sleep intertwined (though I all too often fall asleep in the living room and fail to come "home" - that's what my wife calls our bed). 

- From time to time my wife leaves these beautiful, loving notes in my phone. I sometimes won't discover them until weeks or months later.

- Cuddling up to our favorite TV shows or a romantic film. We love to do this.

- We randomly will express our love to each other verbally; my wife said to me recently "You are so amazing. How much you love me, how supportive you are, I am such a blessed woman. Thank you". She's so damn amazing.

Honestly I'm hoping, with time, we infuse our day to day lives with even more romance.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Romance is different to me than a lot of what has been listed, these things are daily things like lots of I Love You words and txts, kissing, sleeping in each others arms etc. That is just part of a loving, intimate relationship which I hope lasts for a long, long time, we both know that it is important.

But romance to me are the things like when he buys me flowers for no particular reason, going out to romantic dinners or away for the weekend which we tend to do as much as possible. Foot rubs and massages, holding hands, him always making sure I am on the inside when walking together etc


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## lonelyhusband321 (Feb 18, 2014)

happy as a clam said:


> EVERY DAY!!!
> 
> Both I and my SO send texts to each other during the day -- some sweet nothings, some SEXY, some downright dirty!!
> 
> ...


YES!!

You two will be happy together for a VERY long time.....


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening all
I show it in lots of ways. I give her a quick hug or kiss frequently. We sit on the sofa and cuddle while watching TV. We go for walks together, often holding hands. I send her flowers at work for no reason. We send each other naughty coded emails. I bought her a "magic massage table" for her birthday - the magic is that whenever she asks, she gets a massage. We spend romantic weekends away together.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

Easy

Step 1 - find your partners Love Language
Step 2 - follow your partners Love Language on daily basis


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

happy as a clam said:


> EVERY DAY!!!
> 
> Both I and my SO send texts to each other during the day -- some sweet nothings, some SEXY, some downright dirty!!
> 
> ...


*You're a very lucky woman, Happy! Your description is truly the way that it was meant to be!*


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Holland said:


> *Romance is different to me than a lot of what has been listed*, these things are daily things like lots of I Love You words and txts, kissing, sleeping in each others arms etc. That is just part of a loving, intimate relationship which I hope lasts for a long, long time, we both know that it is important.
> 
> But romance to me are the things like *when he buys me flowers for no particular reason*, going out to romantic dinners or away for the weekend which we tend to do as much as possible. *Foot rubs and massages,* holding hands, him always making sure I am on the inside when walking together etc


Holland, this doesn't surprise me at all. You want to "diminish" others' romantic experiences as "different" or not as "authentic" as yours.

Per your bolded statements above, did I NOT say that SO and I often buy flowers, cards, and small gifts FOR NO PARTICULAR REASON? 

Same as you stated above. (Go back and read my response. Somehow, in your mind, it doesn't "count.")

Did I also mention that we often apply body lotion massages after our partner gets out of the shower? *How is that different from your foot rubs and massages?*

So, you're always on the "inside" when walking. I assume you mean from traffic. Well, I'm always on the "inside" too. "Inside" my strong man's arms...

*How are OUR (other posters) experiences any LESS romantic than what you have described?* Maybe we don't agree. Maybe you aren't RIGHT.

Sheesh... you always seem to diminish others while building yourself up.

Ready for the :banhim: on this one. It will be SOOO worth it.

Holland, I have always sensed a bit of bitterness headed my way from you since my very first post on TAM. Here's the link if others want to see the exchange for themselves. I was only trying to help, but instead was judged and excoriated. Because Holland knows best, what's best for HER marriage and kids, and apparently EVERYONE else's. http://talkaboutmarriage.com/sex-marriage/156297-those-low-sex-marriage-considering-leaving.html My advice: hurry to this thread before certain comments are deleted. Some people carry a real grudge (even for strangers they've never met) which makes me question whether they can truly be a LOVING, GIVING partner.

Folks, if I am banned for this, keep on being ROMANTIC in the way that is best for YOU. Don't let others tell you what is romantic and what ISN'T.

:soapbox:

*P.S. Holland, 7 (seven) people have liked my post, while only 1 (one) has liked yours.*


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Happy as a clam, what you describe is very similar to the things we do. I also buy flowers, take her on dates or out dancing, and she does many little things for me that show she cares and thinks about my happiness and well being. There are so many ways to keep the romance alive, and they do change somewhat over time as well, as some reflect the priorities and passions in our lives at the time.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Married but Happy said:


> Happy as a clam, what you describe is very similar to the things we do. I also buy flowers, take her on dates or out dancing, and she does many little things for me that show she cares and thinks about my happiness and well being. There are so many ways to keep the romance alive, and they do change somewhat over time as well, as some reflect the priorities and passions in our lives at the time.


MbH...you are my hero!

(Btw... which one of us won the "happy-off" contest started by AR?!?!)

I hope you know I'm joking  

You have an amazing marriage with a happily-ever-after ending. While I will never get married again, your marriage is a benchmark for me, for other TAMers; for *all that is right in a relationship...*

:smthumbup:


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## devotion (Oct 8, 2012)

As DOF posted the love languages talk is an important one. 
I finally convinced my fiancee to read it. It's gotten a lot better since then. She shows me she loves me in ways I want to hear it (which is a lot of physical). I show her I love her the way she wants to hear it (which is a lot of 'doing stuff' for her). 

Now, sometimes I like that she does stuff for me (she does a lot, again, thats natural for her since that's what is her primary love language). In addition, she is becoming more open to the physical stuff (which I do a lot, as that is my primary love language) 

So its a little bit of understanding what makes your partner happy, and what makes you happy, and doing and respecting a little bit of both. 

Practical things include saying I love you (in person or text), holding hands, being close in bed (not sexually, but for sleeping), still remembering key dates and writing down small love notes, etc, etc.


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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

Anonymous07 said:


> How do you show romance to your husband or wife? Is it only on special occasions or is it more often?


I know this won't be defined as 'romantic'. Because I'm not a huge fan of it and neither is my BF. My LL is acts of service and I tend to show 'romance' through pragmatic things by default.

It's not only for special occasions. I like my BF to know I'm thinking about him. I.e., I saw some of his fave shaving cream on clearance. I bought up all of em. (sooooooo romantic ) Go ahead and laugh! It's funny.

I text him or call him during my lunch hour to see how his day is going. 

I cook for him. I bake for him. I regularly thank him for not being a big ol dooshbag. And I love his daughter beyond measure and show it every chance I get.

On his end, he gets the coffee ready for my rise n shine workout at 5:00 a.m. He does the dishes frequently. He picks up our dog's poop in the backyard. He always tells me I look cute. He grabs my arse alot.

Every weekend we have 'coffee talk' in bed. Cruising the internet on the laptop and kindle, talking about current events. We both look forward to it every weekend.

See? Not very romantic but it works for us.

This is a great thread! I love reading the posts here.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

happy as a clam said:


> Holland, this doesn't surprise me at all. You want to "diminish" others' romantic experiences as "different" or not as "authentic" as yours.
> 
> Per your bolded statements above, did I NOT say that SO and I often buy flowers, cards, and small gifts FOR NO PARTICULAR REASON?
> 
> ...


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## batsociety (Jan 23, 2015)

When I saw the title of this thread I thought "Well, we're not very romantic" but after reading everyone's posts, we might actually be more like a living, breathing harlequin novel. 

We text each other constantly, if we're in the same room you can guarantee that we're touching, we cuddle on the couch, we hold hands in the supermarket, we spend a good deal of our lives making out like teenagers, he's always leaving me sappy notes, bringing me coffee (this is the most important thing), we're always buying little nerdy things for each other. I'll surprise him by taking him out to a punk show at some bar (usually he disappears and then comes back at the end of the set with a busted lip, eyebrow and nose) and he'll somehow find out that some theater is having an all-night horror movie marathon and take me to that, even though we're both way too old to last through the night. 

There's just so many things, tiny things that I don't even notice but I know I'd miss them like crazy if they suddenly stopped.


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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

batsociety said:


> I'll surprise him by taking him out to a punk show at some bar (usually he disappears and then comes back at the end of the set with a busted lip, eyebrow and nose) and he'll somehow find out that some theater is having an all-night horror movie marathon and take me to that, even though we're both way too old to last through the night.


LOVE THIS! You guys sound like a ton o' fun.


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## meson (May 19, 2011)

Holland said:


> Romance is different to me than a lot of what has been listed, these things are daily things like lots of I Love You words and txts, kissing, sleeping in each others arms etc. That is just part of a loving, intimate relationship which I hope lasts for a long, long time, we both know that it is important.
> 
> But romance to me are the things like when he buys me flowers for no particular reason, going out to romantic dinners or away for the weekend which we tend to do as much as possible. Foot rubs and massages, holding hands, him always making sure I am on the inside when walking together etc


This sums it up for me. One of my favorite things is to head home for lunch unexpectedly, get flowers and knock on the door and wait for her to answer. If she's not home i have left them on her pillow with a note.


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## meson (May 19, 2011)

happy as a clam said:


> Holland, this doesn't surprise me at all. You want to "diminish" others' romantic experiences as "different" or not as "authentic" as yours.


That's not how I read Hollands post at all. Your response is a bit extreme...


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

batsociety said:


> When I saw the title of this thread I thought "Well, we're not very romantic" but after reading everyone's posts, we might actually be more like a living, breathing harlequin novel.


Yes, those little things become normalized. You stop thinking of them as particularly romantic. My wife and me have had some pretty heavy, very romantic, stuff-out-of-movies moments and those tend to be overemphasized in my mind as true romance.

Reading this thread has reminded me once more to recognize the romance in the little things we do regularly. To not take them for granted. I actually was reminded of this as well a few months ago. Three or four different people from our church have commented on our body language, one even assuming we were young newlyweds. It surprised me at first then I looked around and realized that a lot of couples, even the actual newlyweds, don't interact that way.

Everyday romance is so easy to overlook, but it's more important than even the grand gestures at the end of the day.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

happy as a clam said:


> Holland, this doesn't surprise me at all. You want to "diminish" others' romantic experiences as "different" or not as "authentic" as yours.
> 
> Per your bolded statements above, did I NOT say that SO and I often buy flowers, cards, and small gifts FOR NO PARTICULAR REASON?
> 
> ...


WTF I am guessing you are having a bad day. I simply stated that for ME romance has a different meaning than to what others had listed, TBH I skimmed your post so it was not personal wow. I am allowed to have a different POV for my own life,. Where did I say that my way of thinking was the only way? What and how others live is up to them and all power to everyone for having a different life. 

Wow, just wow ban "HIM" (I am a female) because my experience and POV is different, good luck with life if that is how you live it.
I have no idea who you are or what your first post was, I don't keep an eye on user names except for the ones in the private groups I am in.

Hope your day improves.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Too funny, in order to procrastinate (should be doing housework) I went back and looked at the thread HAAC, now I remember, it was ages ago and you got pissed with me and changed your OP because I dared to say that I thought that an EA while married was a low act. So what? I still believe that and you don't, get over it. 
FWIW you were the one that changed your post in that thread. Why you would suggest people go and read it and imply that I would delete my posts is whacko TBH. Get a grip woman, not everyone agrees in life. Paranoid is a word that comes to mind.


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## Angelou (Oct 21, 2014)

My H makes us coffee every morning from scratch. He will grind the coffee beans, boil the water, then pour the water on the filter that's on top of the cup. It tastes sooo fresh this way He does this even when he doesn't need to wake up as early as me. If he gets home before me, he has dinner ready. I bring him candy sometimes lol


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Holland said:


> Get a grip woman, not everyone agrees in life. Paranoid is a word that comes to mind.


Nope, not paranoid or wacko at all.

Just an experience that was extremely hurtful at the time. Sometimes words DO hurt.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Holland said:


> Wow, just wow ban "HIM" (I am a female)...


I was referring to banning ME, not you. You can go back and read for clarification.



Holland said:


> I have no idea who you are or what your first post was, *I don't keep an eye on user names* except for the ones in the private groups I am in.


Well, there you go. I guess that explains a lot.

*I keep an eye on ALL user names of people I respond to.* I feel like if they're brave enough to come here and post their problems, the least I can do is try to remember the advice I give.

I'm here to help people through the same bullish*t of a SEXLESS marriage that I went through. Something you also know all too well.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

This place lacks romance between members.



Settle down ladies


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

DoF said:


> This place lacks romance between members.
> 
> 
> 
> Settle down ladies


DoF's voice of reason. I wholeheartedly and completely agree. :smthumbup:


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## MountainRunner (Dec 30, 2014)

happy as a clam said:


> EVERY DAY!!!
> 
> Both I and my SO send texts to each other during the day -- some sweet nothings, some SEXY, some downright dirty!!


 You too, eh? Just yesterday I texted my wife with a simple "I love you"...What I got back was..."What are you wearing?"...*devilish grin*



happy as a clam said:


> SO brings me coffee in bed almost every morning and kisses me awake...


 Our morning ritual as well.



happy as a clam said:


> I cook/prepare food for him often which is pure LOVE for him


I love cooking for my wife. She loves it too. 



happy as a clam said:


> We always walk into stores, the mall, the movies, arm-in-arm or holding hands. I LOVE this.
> 
> When we watch TV, we're always touching. Leg against leg, me lying on his chest, holding hands, etc.


 Yep



happy as a clam said:


> He undresses me before bed... one of his favorite things (and mine).


 Ooooh! I like this one! *notates for future reference* 



happy as a clam said:


> He whistles at me (yes, a cat-call whistle) when I'm getting dressed


 I'll often come up behind her and...umm...heh....feel her up and then say "Sorry...You looked so damn yummy, I had to cop a cheap feel." To which she'll reply with a sexy grin on her face..."Sorry dear, but that costs you plenty!"


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

MountainRunner said:


> I love cooking for my wife. She loves it too.


We KNOW, MR!! Based on your Bon-Appetit magazine-quality photos on the "What's for Dinner" thread... some of us are salivating regularly!! Your home-cooking is envious... 

:rofl:


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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

happy as a clam said:


> We KNOW, MR!! Based on your Bon-Appetit magazine-quality photos on the "What's for Dinner" thread... some of us are salivating regularly!! Your home-cooking is envious...
> 
> :rofl:


No kidding! Homemade brioche buns?

Go on wit your bad self!


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Ok, here's something romantic SO did for me this morning.

He bought me a dozen roses for Valentine's Day 

Last night after I went to bed (unbeknownst to me) he "fixed" them... changed the water, pruned out the dying ones, rearranged them (and redistributed the baby's breath), and THEY WERE SITTING ON MY BEDSIDE TABLE THIS MORNING (moved from the front hall table)... along with a steaming cup of coffee. And a wake-up kiss.

I just love this guy...


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Happy as a Clam.. I enjoyed your write up on how you & your man express to each other.. Romance truly is the spice of life. it makes our days brighter.. . Nicely written.

I think we can all read into a post now & then here on TAM...I have certainly done it myself ......when there could be no ill intention on the part of the other.. it happens !! 

...My thoughts .....

When I think of *Romance*.. what comes to my mind is how someone expresses himself or herself to their beloved...it's a *giving* they long to give.. and show.. and they DELIGHT when it's returned.. not out of compulsion or expectation.. it's something mutually felt ...."understood".... it's our comfort, our JOY, it puts the JINGLE in our step... when we roll over to go to sleep... we say "GOD, I love that man!"...why if we even entertained him taken from our world, tears would form in our eyes. 

I LOVE Romantic movies..I'm not one who feels everything Hollywood puts out is Hog wash or unattainable.. I feel moments of what they portray in some of those scenes is what we all long for... to love and be loved with such an intensity.. and for a lifetime... 

Myself & H's 1st 2 love languages are *TIME* and* TOUCH*.. with *Words of affirmation* coming in at #3...when you take lots of cuddling (watching movies together)... hugging -when he gets home from work, I am the 1st thing he looks for to give me a kiss... his reaching for my hand...fingers in my hair...

Fondling under the covers...just because we ENJOY it... laughing into the night.. sharing each others day, bantering, flirting.. it's all ROMANCE to me.....it's like a steady "high" of sorts.... .

It's all just the simplest of things.. that doesn't have to cost a dime really..

On Valentines day... there was no exchange of gifts.. I put a dress on, heels, candles around our bedroom put on a song ...and we danced .....that was our moment...."the words" -our gift... 

I so resonate with this write up..taken from : http://talkaboutmarriage.com/genera...ll-these-5-examples-has-changed-over-yrs.html



> Being Romantic means being sensitive, affectionate, and spritually-inclined.
> 
> The paramount quality of a romantic person is sensitivity. The romantic is a person who FEELS deeply, and attaches a lot of meaning to those feelings. Because of this, the romantic will express him/herself through such things as affection, verbal declarations of love, and meaningful gestures, all of which come from deep within.
> 
> ...


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## MountainRunner (Dec 30, 2014)

Ya know, this thread just made me realize something...

So yesterday I come home for lunch (I work only 2 miles from home) and as I'm about to head back to work, I present my wife with the usual "goodbye kiss" which consists of a quick kiss on the lips followed by an "I love you".

But this time....

I turned to her and said "I'm done with these obligatory little kisses and I love yous...I want us to "bring it back" and do it like we mean it. She smiled and said "Yes"

So since yesterday, everytime I leave for work or show up, she is met with a nice strong, lingering hug, a looooong, romantic, gentle kiss, a soft touch from my hands against her cheek, neck, back followed with a "I really love you so very much"

Yeah, time to bring the romance back into our *everyday* lives, right? Sometimes we get so involved in our daily crap that we lose sight of what is really meaningful...like our loved ones.


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## lonelyhusband321 (Feb 18, 2014)

MountainRunner said:


> Ya know, this thread just made me realize something...
> 
> So yesterday I come home for lunch (I work only 2 miles from home) and as I'm about to head back to work, I present my wife with the usual "goodbye kiss" which consists of a quick kiss on the lips followed by an "I love you".
> 
> ...


The REALLY cool part is that she's onboard, and that you are working on it TOGETHER.

How many spouses would get mad at you, or feel offended?

Good job - to you BOTH. Keep it up, Mountain.


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