# Wife Waffling on separating, Etc.



## Mike188 (Dec 29, 2009)

Try to be as brief as I can. Trouble off and on with wife over the past year (some know my story). Things got better then about a month ago went downhill again. She said she wants to move out. I am distraught (mistake) but eventually say OK which causes her to change her mind and want to work it out. A few weeks go by and we are getting along well, then one day after a spat in the garage she decides she need to move out again. Says there is nothing I can do to change her mind. I try to talk her out of it for a day or so but eventually say, OK.

The issue: I have a lot of land that I have worked hard for that is pivotal to my future and future livelihood. She has never really given a damn about it or helped out there much, she just wants a new house out there. She has told me several times that she "...will not take away my land, my dream or my livelihood because she isn't a cold hearted *****". 

The other day, after we had a two hour long civil conversation about why she wanted to move out I ask her to sing two of the seven parcel over to me (the other five are already in my business name). She gets kind of mad and offended and makes it out like I don't trust her. I remind her how we had just had this conversation and how she had just told me how she wants us to stay civil, stay friends and get along and not get ugly. Well, she is getting ugly and it hasn't been five minutes since she had said this. We talk some more and I try to explain to her why I need this - for some peace of mind and to have at least one place in my life where I have some kind of security and not have to worry about what is going to happen next. She tells me to have the papers drawn up and she will sign them (I did that a few days ago).

The next morning I ask her if she can go to the title company with me to sign the papers. Believe it or not she puffs up and starts in again with how I must not trust her an dhow she sacraficed for that too. I asked her if she is already starting to back-peddle on what she had told me. She say that she still will not take the land away from me but doesn't feel the need to sign anything, that I should trust her. I tell her that she is moving out, and my guess is once she moves out for the trial separation that she will just never come back. She gets emotional and says that she doesn't know if she wants to move out that she just wants to do what is right for the family. 

We have a counseling appt at 2:00 today where she will supposedly decide what she wants to do. What a drama this is. This is a really important issue to me. At this point she can go if she wants to, I just don't feel safe with her erratic behavior. I'm open to advice on how I'm handling this.

I'm about to post another thread on her latest drama at work....


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## woodstock (Feb 21, 2011)

You pushed it the wrong way at the wrong time. She was looking for trust, comunication, a starting point. You gave her that, then crapped on her by pushing the signing. I get your side, but you are creating a monster. You hurt her like that, blow off all trust in her, and she just might want to hurt you back and you are openly making your land that thing that will hurt you as much as not trusting her hurt her.

You are pretty much screwing yourself.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

I don't know what it is going to take for you to let go of the need to hang on and cater to this woman. But what I do know, without a doubt, is that it's coming.

You keep 'waiting' for her to give a sign, make a decision, lead the way. Mike, that's just not ever going make things better. Giving her the reigns has only ever led to confusion, betrayal, heartache, and a grotesque erosion of your own self-esteem.

You have been struggling with this for a very long time. The steps you are taking with the land? Very positive. Her response should be setting off alarm bells for you. Trust her? 

Don't. 

She doesn't believe that you are capable of ending this. And for the time being, she's correct.

Have you talked to an attorney?


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

woodstock said:


> You pushed it the wrong way at the wrong time. She was looking for trust, comunication, a starting point. You gave her that, then crapped on her by pushing the signing. I get your side, but you are creating a monster. You hurt her like that, blow off all trust in her, and she just might want to hurt you back and you are openly making your land that thing that will hurt you as much as not trusting her hurt her.
> 
> You are pretty much screwing yourself.


I wouldn't expect you to be at all familiar with Mike's story. But there is one - and respectfully, you can't possibly know it's details within the scope of his post.

Your assumption is incorrect.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

"I am leaving you and I want YOU to earn MY trust"????

....does not compute.


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

Where I live, I don't think it matters who signed what as far as marital property goes. If the land was acquired during the marriage, then she is entitled to half of its value. Doesn't really matter if it is legally owned by your company, you personally or her.


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## Mike188 (Dec 29, 2009)

Thanks Deejo, others,

Yes there is a long, drawn out history of hell I have gone through that most won't know about. I have decided that she can go if she wants. I may be a new man after that. I don't really dread her leaving, but I fear for losing things that I have worked hard for. I have always felt that when you want to buy or sell something that you make the best deal when you are completely unattached from it and can act without any emotion or any desire for the outcome. I am finally at that point in my life. I am indifferent right now. I hop this doesn't sound selfish, petty or greedy but I am now interested in getting my ****s in a row and protecting myself than playing her games. I am finally at a point where she can go and I'm ok. My land, though, is something that does worry me. I am having to play this very, very carefully. Her behavior scares the hell of of me. I know as soon as we separate that she will be getting all kind of advice from friends and family about how she should stand up and take what is rightfully "hers". I DO NOT want to find myself in this situation, to be vulnerable to the whims of a crazy woman living some place else doing who knows what with who knows who. I know her signing this will not make it 100% secure in the event of a divorce, but it will give me more options. She would have to agree to an un-contested divorce, agree to me getting the land, and then 90 day slater agree to sign the final decree. I know there's many a slip tween the cup and the lip, but this this first step will help me immensely.


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## Mike188 (Dec 29, 2009)

SadSamIAm said:


> Where I live, I don't think it matters who signed what as far as marital property goes. If the land was acquired during the marriage, then she is entitled to half of its value. Doesn't really matter if it is legally owned by your company, you personally or her.


Same here, but I am at least going to try to do what I can do. I think she has lost her mind, I really do, and it scares me what she might do. At this point that is causing me more stress than her leaving. What a mess, all for some mid-life ego-stroking.


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