# Indo-American women/black men - can it work?



## naminagupta (Jun 20, 2014)

I know some desi/Indian people don't like blacks. I am black and and of course we have darker skin compared to most other races and the Indian caste system is largely based on skin colour (Brahmins at the top, Dalits at the bottom). 

Thing is, my first gf was desi about ten years ago, and since then I've liked little else. I am moving to the US, and of course there are a large number of desi people who live there. But then which desi women given what I've said before would be most likely to date a black man? Is it on a case by case basis?


----------



## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

naminagupta said:


> I know some desi/Indian people don't like blacks. I am black and and of course we have darker skin compared to most other races and the Indian caste system is largely based on skin colour (Brahmins at the top, Dalits at the bottom).
> 
> Thing is, my first gf was desi about ten years ago, and since then I've liked little else. I am moving to the US, and of course there are a large number of desi people who live there. But then which desi women given what I've said before would be most likely to date a black man? Is it on a case by case basis?


If nothing else, I'm sure it depends a lot on how "Americanized" the parties involved are. But since I'm not Indian, American, female, or black, I'm just guessing...

C


----------



## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

Of course it can work. Based on my experience I'd say a lot of the ones that are born and raised here are open to dating outside of their race. 

With that said perhaps you should consider being a little more open minded yourself. Why limit yourself?


----------



## FormerSelf (Apr 21, 2013)

I depends on where you live and how progressive thinking a particular individual/family is. Usually in progressive cities, like New York, Seattle, or San Francisco...ethnicities can socially intermingle quite well, but it always comes down to the individual. 

You can usually tell right away if a girl is only interested in engaging with those of her culture, or is open to conversation...but yeah, it is still pretty common for Indian women in America to stick with their culture...unless they come from a very Americanized family.


----------



## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

naminagupta said:


> I know some desi/Indian people don't like blacks. I am black and and of course we have darker skin compared to most other races and the Indian caste system is largely based on skin colour (Brahmins at the top, Dalits at the bottom).
> 
> Thing is, my first gf was desi about ten years ago, and since then I've liked little else. I am moving to the US, and of course there are a large number of desi people who live there. But then which desi women given what I've said before would be most likely to date a black man? Is it on a case by case basis?


My two cents.

I've observed that you used the word "Desi Indian" which I think is a British term. So I'm assuming you're from England where there are heavy concentrations of Indians and Pakistanis in some areas.
Yes, the cast system is still very much intact there.

But I think in the USA, things are a bit different. 
In New York and Miami for example, a huge chunk of the Indians that live there are actually from the Indian diaspora in the Caribbean. They look pretty much the same as the other Indians, but are culturally different.

The caste system in dating and marriage doesn't apply.
Depending on which city you migrate to , your chances of meeting an Indian from the Caribbean is higher.

I'm also a black man , married to an Indian woman. Her parents were from India, but they migrated to the Caribbean.

In any event, I agree with Reformedhubby.

Try to expand your dating circle. You might think that you only like Desi women , but there might be a woman from another race or even a black woman who would be everything you've ever dreamed of, and she could make you a great partner.

Yes we all have our preferences and nothing's wrong with that. But don't let your preference limit your chances at success.


----------



## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

ReformedHubby said:


> Simmer down bruh, I'm not worried about your taste. Everyone has a type. I'm speaking to you as fellow black man in America. My point is why limit yourself? There all kinds of beautiful women here.
> 
> Plus....if the indian woman you're dating finds out that you _only_ date indian woman it will make her wonder if you're into her for who she is or just her appearance. Me personally I was always hesitant to date a non-black woman that _only_ dated black guys. It always seemed like they had an image of who I should be instead of who I really am. And....if you're projecting that image of your ex-indian girlfriend onto your new one. I'd imagine she might feel this way too. Just my thoughts...


Interesting, as a white woman I've found that white women who only date black men often have this idea that a black man will make a neat accessory on her arm. Completely different then meeting a man you like who happens to be black.

When I was younger I was not much open to dating out of my race. Now, having just turned 40, if I was single I'd be open to all men. I'm much more interested in whether a man takes care of himself and has his sh!t together than his skin color.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

lifeistooshort said:


> Interesting, as a white woman I've found that white women who only date black men often have this idea that a black man will make a neat accessory on her arm. Completely different then meeting a man you like who happens to be black.
> 
> When I was younger I was not much open to dating out of my race. Now, having just turned 40, if I was single I'd be open to all men. I'm much more interested in whether a man takes care of himself and has his sh!t together than his skin color.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Well, I didn't want to say it like that but I did have one girlfriend that very much made me feel like I was some sort of trophy. It wasn't a good feeling.


----------



## Coffee Amore (Dec 15, 2011)

Caribbean Man said:


> My two cents.
> 
> I've observed that you used the word "Desi Indian" which I think is a British term. So I'm assuming you're from England where there are heavy concentrations of Indians and Pakistanis in some areas.
> Yes, the cast system is still very much intact there.


Actually the term "desi" is used a lot in America among the Indian expatriate community. I have a lot of first and second generation Indian friends. The immigrant Indians sometimes jokingly and sometimes as a put-down call the second generation "ABCDs" or American Born Confused Desis.


----------



## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

Down here a " _neat accessory_" or a " _trophy_ " isn't dependent on what race you are but if either you or your parents have tons of money.

Back in my single days a trophy would be a twenty something yr old girl or boy who drove a top end vehicle and lived the luxe life.
Getting into their social circle even if it was just temporary meant making some really neat connections. 

Both men and women do it.


----------



## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

Coffee Amore said:


> Actually the term "desi" is used a lot in America among the Indian expatriate community. I have a lot of first and second generation Indian friends. The immigrant Indians sometimes jokingly and sometimes as a put-down call the second generation "ABCDs" or American Born Confused Desis.


OK.
I didn't know that.

The only people I've heard used the term _Desi_ are the British expats down here.


----------



## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

naminagupta said:


> Er...OK...but then I don't see why it's your business what I do, or why I must heed your words..I'm my own man, and don't need strangers to tell me how to behave... I don't see it as "immoral" like the rest of society to have a fixed type, but there you go...we're all different.


Why do you say that you only date Indian women ?


----------



## manticore (Sep 3, 2013)

Wha the hell is a Desi?, look dude, if you are going to America the only thing you have to know is that you can date whatever flavor and color you want.

There are alot mixed races already there, I am not from USA but I have been there a lot of times (for extended periods) and is rare to see any race issue unless you hang out with the wrong people.

I worked with Infosys long time ago so I know people for India still have alot of issues regarding castes and skin color and that affects the kind of Job and social position you have, but whatever woman you are interested in USA as long as is not is a first generation I don't think you will have to face any issue regarding color.


----------



## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

It appears that the OP has been banned. Were his replies that bad? I must have missed his reply that got him banned. I certainly wasn't trying to get under his skin. 

I looked at some of his other posts and he did allude to being short tempered on TAM sometimes due to a stress disorder.


----------



## manticore (Sep 3, 2013)

ReformedHubby said:


> It appears that the OP has been banned. Were his replies that bad? I must have missed his reply that got him banned.


Well, unless he is a Troll, *shame in the person who reported him and shame in the moderator that actually banned him*. in India castes and skin color are an actual issue, so the reaction of banning him for not uderstanding our point of view is intolerance.

His doubts and questions are real concern for someone who all his life have been living under a regime where depending on under what caste you are born depends on how far are you going to get on life.

unless he was a Troll, shame on the intolerance for banning someone from different culture to post what he sees as a reality in his world view.


----------



## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

manticore said:


> Well, unless he is a Troll, *shame in the person who reported him and shame in the moderator that actually banned him*. in India castes and skin color are an actual issue, so the reaction of banning him for not uderstanding our point of view is intolerance.
> 
> His doubts and questions are real concern for someone who all his life have been living under a regime where depending on under what caste you are born depends on how far are you going to get on life.
> 
> unless he was a Troll, shame on the intolerance for banning someone from different culture to post what he sees as a reality in his world view.


Manticore, based on the timing of your first post in this thread I think the somewhat rude posts the OP made were deleted by the time you saw the thread. Quite a few of his posts that were in this thread are gone. Including one I replied to. I did not report him though.

He was a bit snippy, but still I was intrigued. I kind of wanted to know more about why he thought the way he did. I also wanted him to ummm...take full advantage once he got here if you know what I mean.


----------



## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

manticore said:


> Well, unless he is a Troll, *shame in the person who reported him and shame in the moderator that actually banned him*. in India castes and skin color are an actual issue, so the reaction of banning him for not uderstanding our point of view is intolerance.
> 
> His doubts and questions are real concern for someone who all his life have been living under a regime where depending on under what caste you are born depends on how far are you going to get on life.
> 
> unless he was a Troll, shame on the intolerance for banning someone from different culture to post what he sees as a reality in his world view.


I was also a bit intrigued.

He sounds like he's from an African state like Nigeria or Ghana.

I initially thought he was from England though.

But in societies like India and Africa the caste system is rigid.
In Africa though, it is more like a clan system.

They don't see it as discrimination, but as the social order of things.


----------



## john117 (May 20, 2013)

The caste system theoretically was not skin color based but the skin color component just happened to evolve due to one group that was dark (Tamil) and the desirable lighter colors pushed by Bollywood etc.

Having said this absolute color comparison would be meaningless. I had an Indian coworker who was over 6 feet tall, built like a linebacker, darker than most Africans I know and with awesome hair. We promptly nicknamed him Chewbaka and he loved it.

Among educated people skin color should not be an issue. But be aware that girls' parents may not like the idea of marrying their girls outside their culture regardless of the skin color. I know several interracial couples involving Desis and 5 of 5 involve a Desi male and non Desi female, not the other way around.

As someone 30 years into an interracial / inter cultural marriage myself I would tell you it's not as simple as marrying the girl from one village down the freeway.


----------



## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Caribbean Man said:


> OK.
> 
> I didn't know that.
> 
> ...



Naw, everyone is using the term here even friends of Desis like me


----------

