# ok, guys, tell me what to do



## quigley61 (Jan 14, 2013)

Have been dating a man for 2 months now. We get along great,,,excellent chemistry etc. The big problem between us right now, is in the bedroom. We are very passionate, and he gets an erection. As soon as there is penetration he deflates.

A bit of background. Has been divorced for only about 4 months. Was married for 26 yrs. Wife initiated the divorce. He says that one of the reasons she gave him was he wanted too much sex.
He's 53 yrs old. 
We have had oral, and been very physical, but as far as actual intercourse, it hasn't happened.
I'm trying to be patient but it's becoming frustrating.
Any suggestions.???.......for me?? for him??


----------



## spudster (Jan 11, 2012)

The problem is he's 53 years old. He's not a young stud anymore. Erectile dysfunction in a male his age is quite normal.

When you say "we've had oral", do you mean you have mutually gone down on each other, you on him or him on you? We can't give you advice unless you are more specific.


----------



## quigley61 (Jan 14, 2013)

Yes we have both given oral to each other
There is no problem with the erection until it comes to penetration
I'm wondering if its a psychological thing
If deep down in his brain by having intercourse it will be like cheating ....even though they are divorced 
I will be his first , since that time


----------



## Code-Welder (Dec 17, 2012)

quigley61 said:


> Yes we have both given oral to each other
> There is no problem with the erection until it comes to penetration
> I'm wondering if its a psychological thing
> If deep down in his brain by having intercourse it will be like cheating ....even though they are divorced
> I will be his first , since that time


Perhaps the man has stamina issues and is over thinking it. Wanting to impress a new young lady friend. Perhaps that may have been a problem before in his marriage, pe?


----------



## wilson (Nov 5, 2012)

Are you using condoms? Sometimes they greatly decrease sensitivity to the point where almost nothing is felt. If so, try different brands/styles to see if you can find something that works.


----------



## KanDo (Jun 15, 2011)

Sounds like a vitamin deficiency; the kind that comes in a little blue pill. ;-)

A couple of sucesses will likely turn things around for him.


----------



## pb76no (Nov 1, 2012)

quigley61 said:


> He says that one of the reasons she gave him was he wanted too much sex.


That & he's 53 would be top two on the chart. The cheating thing maybe, but sounds more to me like he doesn't want to make the same "mistake" as before. Have you tried different positions? 

And I assume the two of you have talked about this. If you make too much of it, that adds pressure to the equation.


----------



## koolaiddude (Jan 21, 2013)

I'm 37 and this happens to me with anyone except my wife (we have tried open marriage-bad idea but I have some experience with this)

It's in his head I think. Part of it may be health related, but I have lost it with every other person when it came to penetration. The blue pill may help if only as an adjunct to him getting over the idea of having sex with someone other than his wife.


----------



## quigley61 (Jan 14, 2013)

i agree with the idea of the "little blue pill" I think , like you said KanDo, a couple of successes will get him over the hump. How do I suggest this without making him feel inadequate though?


----------



## doubletrouble (Apr 23, 2013)

It happens to me, in my 50s, at times. My wife is hot as hell and great in the sack, but sometimes the old boy just doesn't stay as interested as my brain is. But we stick it out and try again later (anyone get the pun!). 

A little viagra might help him get his c0ck confidence back, after which he shouldn't need it ALL the time.


----------



## Shoto1984 (Apr 11, 2009)

Divorced for 4, dating for 2.... That's not a long time after 26 yrs. If everything else is great, be patient and let him get used to the new reality. As well adjusted as one seems, I have to think this takes awhile. The blue pill is a good idea but focus on the non PiV sex and let him surprise you


----------



## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

I'd have him go to his PCP and have his testosterone levels checked. It also may be psychological. Or both.

But there are other options as well.


----------



## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

A couple months after exiting a 26 year marriage (not by choice)..I think it's entirely psychological.


----------



## Woodchuck (Nov 1, 2012)

I think the problem is psychological. His body says yes but his brain says no...The tip off is that it happens every time....It will probably take some time and homework to teach his brain to stay out of the game.....As you have already been advised using Viagra or something similar might help get him on the right track...His age shouldn't be a big part of this issue, some men perform quite well into their 70's....('m 66) 

good luck
the woodchuck


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

I have a similar problem and I'm 27, I backed out of a few opportunities because I couldn't mentally get hard. Right now I have to find a fresh new set of dates due to losing almost of them thanks to disappointment.

In my case I believe it's mental, as physically I have no problem by myself. I still thought of my STBX right before sex however, lingering loyalty. I wrote a few threads about it, don't know if I deleted them.


----------



## Viseral (Feb 25, 2011)

Performance Anxiety - He's got a lot going on inside his head. Once he gets comfortable with you and things get more sorted in his life it'll pass.


----------

