# I filed so why do I feel so devastated?



## MRB (Sep 4, 2010)

I alternate between trying to show a happy face for my kids and just crying my eyes out. I can't eat, can't sleep, can't function. I know this is best in the long run but I still love him. After all the hurt he has caused I still love him.

Please tell me when this will get better.


----------



## Voltaire (Feb 5, 2013)

MRB said:


> Please tell me when this will get better.


As harsh as it sounds, when you accept that you cannot be with him any more and let go of him. That takes time. It's a mourning process - but it does happen.


----------



## brokenbythis (Aug 21, 2011)

MRB said:


> I alternate between trying to show a happy face for my kids and just crying my eyes out. I can't eat, can't sleep, can't function. I know this is best in the long run but I still love him. After all the hurt he has caused I still love him.
> 
> Please tell me when this will get better.


Oh how I hear you and totally understand what you're going through. I file tomorrow and its going to take all the strength I have to do it but I have to. I cannot be married to him anymore. He just got someone else pregnant, A woman 14 years younger than me.

I still love him too. I hate him also. He has taken my pure family and tained it forever. Read my posts.. HUGS to you I feel your pain and understand. I hope it gets easier in time for us both. I can only tell myself it will.


----------



## Awakening2012 (Apr 13, 2012)

Hi MRB - 

I'm sorry you are hurting, but from what you've shared you've done the right thing. In caseit may be helpful, I'll share a couple of another member advised me to consider: 

Why be with someone who I have to convince to be with me? Why try to work on something that the other person won't work on? 

You have to love yourself first. Self-love includes: "I don't want to be romantically bonded to someone who is not committed to me."

I am struggling to get there myself, because I'm still enduring a prolonged separation in which H is the one who left, and who has taken no action to save the marriage, yet is dragging his feet on filing. Causing me to finally consider filing. 

I know this is hard, so hang in there! 

Best Wishes, - A12


----------



## MRB (Sep 4, 2010)

brokenbythis said:


> Oh how I hear you and totally understand what you're going through. I file tomorrow and its going to take all the strength I have to do it but I have to. I cannot be married to him anymore. He just got someone else pregnant, A woman 14 years younger than me.
> 
> I still love him too. I hate him also. He has taken my pure family and tained it forever. Read my posts.. HUGS to you I feel your pain and understand. I hope it gets easier in time for us both. I can only tell myself it will.


Mine won't even admit he cheated. He still sticks to his "just friends" story. In a sick way I want to hear the whole truth. I keep looking at our up-to-the-minute text logs just to remind myself why I filed. They talk constantly. he never gave me that type of attention. And walking around our house is horrible. All these photos of him - of us, it is so damn hard. Great, now I'm crying again...


----------



## MRB (Sep 4, 2010)

Awakening2012 said:


> Hi MRB -
> 
> I'm sorry you are hurting, but from what you've shared you've done the right thing. In caseit may be helpful, I'll share a couple of another member advised me to consider:
> 
> ...


Thank you.I'm typing through tears so I apologize if it gets funky. I feel like that is exactly what I have been doing for years. I was literally begging him to want to be with me. It was like pulling teeth to have time together. Of course it's easy to know in my head what's best but my heart is screaming at me that I'm wrong. Who knew a person could hurt so much and not just die..


----------



## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

I also filed in the end and I'm living proof, it does get better. Much better.


----------



## Arendt (Mar 25, 2013)

MRB said:


> Who knew a person could hurt so much and not just die..


Do you have a tight chest or pain in the abdomen? Do you wake up with a pounding heart and shortness of breath or anything? Is your mouth dry and your appetite down to almost nothing? Are you losing weight? If any of these, you might have anxiety that can be relieved with anti-depressants. I have been on them for a month, and they have helped a lot with being able to sleep and eat again, as well as the other symptoms.

Also, going to a gym and working out helps a lot too. But the appetite needs to come back some to be able to do that.


----------



## MRB (Sep 4, 2010)

06Daddio08 said:


> I also filed in the end and I'm living proof, it does get better. Much better.


wow. he really doesn't care. i am amazed at how much he doesn't care. he is just texting me right now matter-of-factly about custody arrangements. he truly doesn't care.... I don't know why I am surprised but it sure hurts like hell.


----------



## MRB (Sep 4, 2010)

Arendt said:


> Do you have a tight chest or pain in the abdomen? Do you wake up with a pounding heart and shortness of breath or anything? Is your mouth dry and your appetite down to almost nothing? Are you losing weight? If any of these, you might have anxiety that can be relieved with anti-depressants. I have been on them for a month, and they have helped a lot with being able to sleep and eat again, as well as the other symptoms.
> 
> Also, going to a gym and working out helps a lot too. But the appetite needs to come back some to be able to do that.


i haven't eaten since the 24th. yes to everything you asked. thankfully I had some Xanax from when I found out he was smoking pot again (my STBX) & my doc had to give me them to calm me down.


----------



## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Take the pictures down. Anything that he's in. And put them away. 

Yes, it will get better. Yes, it's worth it.

It just takes a little time.


----------



## MRB (Sep 4, 2010)

Openminded said:


> Take the pictures down. Anything that he's in. And put them away.
> 
> Yes, it will get better. Yes, it's worth it.
> 
> It just takes a little time.


i have started replacing some of the framed pics. I will continue to do so. I was originally going to give him all the photos he's in to keep but I decided my kids will want them.

i think I need another xanax. this one isn't working.


----------



## Arendt (Mar 25, 2013)

MRB said:


> i haven't eaten since the 24th. yes to everything you asked. thankfully I had some Xanax from when I found out he was smoking pot again (my STBX) & my doc had to give me them to calm me down.


Xanax is like booze in pill form. You probably need a real anti-depressant like Effexor. It will take care of the symptoms more long term rather than the short-term fix that booze or xanax provides. Talk to your doc and tell him or her. Mine immediately put me on something, and did not recommend I take Xanax or drink to cover the symptoms. Just some advice.

Edit, plus Xanax can be addictive...these other types are not and work better; they just take longer to kick in.


----------



## MRB (Sep 4, 2010)

Arendt said:


> Xanax is like booze in pill form. You probably need a real anti-depressant like Effexor. It will take care of the symptoms more long term rather than the short-term fix that booze or xanax provides. Talk to your doc and tell him or her. Mine immediately put me on something, and did not recommend I take Xanax or drink to cover the symptoms. Just some advice.
> 
> Edit, plus Xanax can be addictive...these other types are not and work better; they just take longer to kick in.


can my primary prescribe that for me? i have an appt for therapy monday but it's just a psychologist.


----------



## Arendt (Mar 25, 2013)

MRB said:


> can my primary prescribe that for me? i have an appt for therapy monday but it's just a psychologist.


Yes. Tell the doctor what is going on and your symptoms. She or he can advise you on it. Anti-depressants won't offer immediate relief. It will take a little while to kick in, but they are better than the short term relief that Xanax offers. Good luck.


----------

