# Wife left no idea what to do :(



## Nexus7 (Feb 13, 2013)

Apologies if this is in the wrong section but here goes.

My wife left me 3 weeks ago. Stating Im a slave driver making her do all the house, checkin up on and not doin enough things together.

Thing is I'm work 50 hours a week so i come home too tired to do anythin. I do try and do things buts its never good enough she does it herself anyhow.

She says shes told until shes blue in the face thats shes been unhappy for a couple of months. But I havent seen it comming I thought we were very happy not long been on a happy holiday. Had a good xmas.

when I mentioned about not doin much together its always whjat she wants to do. When I come up with idea like lets go to different restaurants etc she puts it down straight away.

Im tryin to work things out but she says shes said everything she needs to say and for me to stop tryin to call her. 


Should I leave to have space? Not a day goes bye without thinkin about her. From contacts shes goin on about as nothing has happened. Please help im at a loss here. I still love her very much


----------



## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

So you worked 50 hours a week... Did she work? Kids at home? She says that she's told you till she's blue in the face that you two have issues. Is that true? Can you honestly say that she hasn't said anything? Or did she say that, and you just ignored it? Just curious, because all we have is your side of the story.

Read up on the 180, and start implementing it. It's intended to help you get to a healthier place. It SOMETIMES has the side effect of showing your spouse that things weren't so bad.

C


----------



## Rob774 (Sep 27, 2010)

Give her space. Don't try to hound her. If she's broken off contact with you, let her make the first move. I'm not chasing any woman that doesn't wish to be chased.

If people are saying she seems fine, then i'd start to question if you have been already replaced. Do you think she may have been having some type of affair. Usually wives don't make such a clean break and be totally fine after the fact, unless she cut out mentally from the marriage a long time ago.


----------



## Nexus7 (Feb 13, 2013)

Theres no kids and I dont think shes having an affair. I let her do her own thihng but when it comes to what I do I get moaned at.

With the usual you spend more time out then with me etc. When Im in the house with her. When she comes home from work. I just cant win.


----------



## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

How much did she work? Seems that if you're both working, you both should be working at home, too. And she could have taught you how she wanted things done, if she needed to.

In any case, if she won't work with you, all you can do is work on yourself. Focus on that. Leave her alone. If she sees the changes, she can show you she approves. But start moving on yourself.

C


----------



## Nexus7 (Feb 13, 2013)

Our jobs wont alow us to work at home. But any advice is welcome.


----------



## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Nexus7 said:


> Our jobs wont alow us to work at home. But any advice is welcome.


Sorry, by "working at home", I meant doing chores around the house. Like making supper, doing laundry, etc. 

C


----------



## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

It's so crazy. How many times do we see this here? A guy gets blindsided by his wife flipping out and walking on him... and every time he says he has no idea she was so unhappy???

I have a tough time believing it. Women are so vocal about stuff... at what point do the spouses stop listening?

OP, what did you and your wife last have a fight over? How about the time before that?


----------



## Nexus7 (Feb 13, 2013)

We've both moved out of the apartment. I'm goin to counselling etc. But it kills me that the woman I love wont try and talk it through. Although my friends have been brilliant. Its awakward my friends are her frienmds.


----------



## Nexus7 (Feb 13, 2013)

We never argue. Weve always been happy til recently.


----------



## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

Nexus7 said:


> We never argue. Weve always been happy til recently.


Seriously? This isn't true or you are completely in denial. Surely you and she don't agree on everything all the time, or she wouldn't have so abruptly cut you off.


----------



## Nexus7 (Feb 13, 2013)

If we dont agree on stuff we work to a compromise. 

Never had any full blown arguements.


----------



## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

Nexus7 said:


> *If we dont agree on stuff we work to a compromise. *Never had any full blown arguements.


I beg to differ and I don't even know you. What about this: 



> She says shes told until shes blue in the face thats shes been unhappy for a couple of months.


Are you in the habit of ignoring her or dismissing her when she talks to you?


----------



## KathyBatesel (Apr 26, 2012)

Nexus, I think you're in denial. I'm seeing a lot of minimizing going on just in the way you write about what happened.

You both work, and you're "too tired" to do household duties when you get home, but you expect her to. 

And she said she's unhappy about you checking up on her.

Here's the thing: You know you've been controlling and abusive, so might as well spit it out and start getting some REAL help if you want to get her back. If you can't find the courage to admit that you've mistreated her, then nothing anyone writes here is going to help you.


----------



## MrK (Sep 2, 2010)

A Bit Much said:


> It's so crazy. How many times do we see this here? A guy gets blindsided by his wife flipping out and walking on him... and every time he says he has no idea she was so unhappy???
> 
> I have a tough time believing it. Women are so vocal about stuff... at what point do the spouses stop listening?


Damn near 100% of walk-away wives told their husbands "until they were blue in the face" that they were unhappy. Damn near 100% of husbands are "blindsided by it". Let's not make this a "stupid husband" issue, and instead make it the "horrible communication" issue that it is.


----------



## inarut (Feb 9, 2013)

A Bit Much said:


> It's so crazy. How many times do we see this here? A guy gets blindsided by his wife flipping out and walking on him... and every time he says he has no idea she was so unhappy???
> 
> I have a tough time believing it. Women are so vocal about stuff... at what point do the spouses stop listening?
> 
> OP, what did you and your wife last have a fight over? How about the time before that?


So true, and yes, women are vocal but in all fairness there are many women who dont state the issue directly.They think what they are saying is clear and obvious and it is to other women but not obvious at all to men.

And yes, sometimes men are just dissmissive and uncaring until its too late.
Not that I am saying it is too late in the Op's case, or that he is the uncaring, dismissive type.


----------



## inarut (Feb 9, 2013)

MrK said:


> Damn near 100% of walk-away wives told their husbands "until they were blue in the face" that they were unhappy. Damn near 100% of husbands are "blindsided by it". Let's not make this a "stupid husband" issue, and instead make it the "horrible communication" issue that it is.


:iagree:


----------



## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

inarut said:


> So true, and yes, women are vocal but in all fairness there are many women who dont state the issue directly.They think what they are saying is clear and obvious and it is to other women but not obvious at all to men.


I was generalizing, but it does happen a lot around here. People truly suck at communicating. It's easier to live with and swap body fluids with a person than tell them HEY! I have a problem with a, b and c. It's ridiculous.

ETA: FWIW, I still believe the OP is in complete denial or at the very least not being completely honest, with us or himself.


----------

