# Had a meeting with H's lawyer yesterday



## blueskies30 (Jan 27, 2010)

My husband had an appt with his lawyer yesterday to bring paperwork in. I was with my husband so he had me come in. It ended up to be a meeting with him and his lawyer.

Our divorce has been on hold for a little bit to allow us to breath as we have been wanting to work on our marraige.

Everything was going good and my H I think was even going to drop the whole entire divorce, or so he told me. Then a woman surfaced and he started acting really weird. He did admit the affiar last Tuesday, he said it was sex only once and it was in SEptember, but he still talked to the woman as a friend and she wanted more. We are going to MC sessions and he does want to work on us. We are both actually cheated and both have admitted it. We are both trying to get over.

So the lawyer is going to call me for a dediation date and I guess wea re doing everything involoved in a divorce, yet we are talking about being together. It is good that child suppport will be fairly decided because my husband has been going off of what was set at out restrainiing order hearing(restraining order dismissed now) and out of that money he was telling me I had to pay for auto pays that come out of the acct that he puts support in. He said I agreed to pay them, which I did not. He was ordered to pay all bills, while he maintained for the last 4 months that I am required to pay Auto Insurance, his life insurance and our home warranty plan. So I'm glad the courts will decide on Child Support so he can stop blaming me and telling me I don't know how to pay my bills.

My H says he is continuing with the divorce plans just in case things don't work out and then he would have to start all over again. He mentioned in the meeting in case I decided to try to kill him. I guess he is thinking since his affair is out there that I might get very violent with him or we might fight a lot. I don't want to fight with him, I just want to forgive him as he is forgiving me and slowly heal and move on.

He has mentioned gettgin a divorce and then gettign remarried, but has not said this lately...his lawyer did mention it as an option yesterday. I for sure don't want to do that. 

I just can't imagine us working on our marriage even tot he point of living together again before final hearing and then going to final hearing and my HUsband saying Yes he wanted the divorce.

Is it possible to not even get to the hearing date with a divorce if working on reconsiling??


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

You need your own lawyer. His lawyer will do everything to get him the best settlement. You could end up on the short end of all this. Do not see his lawyer again. Get your own.

His attorney is probably telling him to play up to you to get you to agree to less.. giving you hopes of fixing your marriage. It's a game.


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## Set me FREE (Sep 5, 2011)

blueskies30 said:


> My husband had an appt with his lawyer yesterday to bring paperwork in. I was with my husband so he had me come in. It ended up to be a meeting with him and his lawyer.
> 
> Our divorce has been on hold for a little bit to allow us to breath as we have been wanting to work on our marraige.
> 
> ...



I missed your beginning posts....why was there a restraining order against him?

Also the part I bolded above is really bothering me..A LOT. Have you ever hit him, acted aggressively toward him? If you haven't that statement would be setting off alarms....is it a veiled warning? is he trying to paint himself as a victim?

Why were you with him during the time he had to visit his lawyer? Why would he do that? This man is abusing you with this divorce, trying to keep you 'in line'...get your own lawyer, if that restraining order was due to violence...get a new one ASAP.


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## blueskies30 (Jan 27, 2010)

I'm gonna have to see his lawyer or talk to him again for mediation. I can't get my own lawyer cause I ahve not money. I had already looked into it in the very beginning and they wanted $2500 upfront and $2500 after final hearing, plus per hour everytime you meet. I'm a stay at home mom with 3 special needs children and I have asmall disability rating. Not big enough to get $$ from social security though. The only thing I was able to get to represent me for a short time was a paralegal who just helped set up my paperwork and told me what to do with it. They were never there for meetings or to tell me how teh divorce would go. No round table meetings, nothing.

My in laws do not want us gettign a divorce at all. I queitly told my FIL yesterday that I had seen his lawyer and told him what was going to go on. He thought it was crazy and he hopes my Husband does not go through with it and hopes that he is not just stringing me along.

My MIL was surprised about it too, but did see the point of keeping the lawyer in case soemthing did not work out.

My husband and I have MC session on the 23rd. I hope it goes smoothly and not upsets us greatly right before xmas.

My husband just mentioned last night that maybe he would spend the night wiht me next weekend, so I really hope our counseling goes well and as calm as it can be....Too give us both direction.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

You are entitled to your own attorney. Does your husband have any savings at all? The court will order him to pay for your attorney. 
Try this, you think that his attorney is representing you too? Call his attorney to make an appointment to discuss, without our husband there, that your husband is not going by the court ordered support agreement.

See if his attorney will do what needs to be done to get a sanction against your husband so that he abides by the court order.


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## blueskies30 (Jan 27, 2010)

Setmefree:

NO I have never been violent to him (he is beleiving all these stories about BW's from his work buddies)

The restraining order was in place because of a huge huge mess. I am very much partly to blame about it. Our marrage has been a huge mess for a very long time because my parents had been brain washing me for years making me afraid of everything my husband did. My husband is not a perfect man and yes he gets very frustrated. My paretns have used every situation to make it seem bigger deal that it is. I have never been hit or beaten by my husband, but it has been yelling and throwing things. Restraining order came about becuase he was trying to figure out about what I was hiding with my affair. So I take some blame for the restraining order. I was also pushed by parents for years to divorce him and they said this needed to happen. 

My parents is really not an excuse on my part. You don't know how screwed up my side of the family is. During all this seperation I have learned about some things my parents did to me to keep me away from my Biological Father. They were trying to do the same for my children and for me to stay away from my husband.
This whole story deserves a post of its own, but I'm not sure where it should go.

My husband is also very afraid of my controlling parents, he is afraid I will go back to believeing them if they can get me on thier side again.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I hope that you are aware that yelling can be abuse. And throwing things definately is abuse. The message of breaking and throwing things is that he can do this to you .. he can hurt you. Don't excuse that kind of behavior.


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## Eli-Zor (Nov 14, 2010)

blueskies30

Your husband knows you are desperate to save the marriage and has been playing you all along. He no longer pays you support, manipulates what payments should made by you and takes you to his lawyer to determine what you should be doing.

It is time for you to realize this man is out of your life and has no intention if giving you any monies for support of otherwise. The only person he is in love with is himself. 

Time to face reality , get a lawyer and enforce support payments, go dark on your husband and start actively working on you. Take him to the cleaners, wayward husbands tend to fear the financial consequences of a divorce. 

You have few choices, woman up or lose everything including your self respect


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## Set me FREE (Sep 5, 2011)

Please call a domestic abuse hotline tell them about all of this, they will direct you to the resources available to you like counseling...including low cost legal aid...my divorce cost a $25 parenting class fee...legal aid will go after my stbxh for their costs. 

I was scared to death to call it abuse, I made excuses, and yeah my parents were/are still abusive and he used that to his advantage for over a decade...guess what? both my parents and my husband are abusers..probably why it took me so long to realize what he was doing to me was wrong and why I got myself into therapy so I don't replace the ex with another abuser. 

After my ex forced me from the marital home with the kids, I moved in with my mom....it was basically a lateral move...I just traded physical/sexual abuse for more verbal abuse... have $80 and food stamps to my name....and can't afford to leave. Instead of protecting my kids from my husband's little rages...I am now protecting them from their grandmother's rages....

don't let your ex paint you into a similar corner.


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## Eli-Zor (Nov 14, 2010)

and blueskies30 please stick to one thread. At least that way everyone knows the whole story and not snippets


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