# I Cheated on my Husband Like a year or so ago! & He's Still greaving.. Please help



## Punkie (Jan 24, 2009)

*I Cheated on my Husband Like a year or so ago! & He's Still greaving.. Please help*

__ So I have been on here many times and talked about this. For those of you that don't know. I cheated on my Husband a year or so ago with his best friend. I don't want to go into details again about it because, I have already done that in many posts on here. well now he's got alot of Anger tords me and He SAYS he doesn't care if this marriage works out or not at this point. He Doesn't want to see anyone for this . He is Just is not him right now . and I am just at aloss of what I am to do.. How do I prove to him I am sorry? and I will not and haven't done it again? I want to earn his trust back. I told Him sorry soo many times. he has a wall Up now. It's like he doesnt want to get close to me. I told him ill do anything and at this point like I said he's just soo hurt. Please help I love him so much and I can't change what Iv done in the past. Iv been with him for well on may 18th it will be four years and I don't want to thro that away. I am willing to do anything for him . I want him to open up his heart again to me. So any Advice will help please. 



punkie


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## reidqa (Mar 25, 2009)

*Re: I Cheated on my Husband Like a year or so ago! & He's Still greaving.. Please hel*

Punkie,

Hi I am your husband 30 years ago, don't you get the hint. Why take a long walk off a short bridge or something like that. I don't care or love you anymore. Why matter of fact, you are not human anymore.

Punkie, sounds like hubby see it was me 30 years ago as husband.

Get the divorce papers free and easy and set him free.


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## reidqa (Mar 25, 2009)

*Re: I Cheated on my Husband Like a year or so ago! & He's Still greaving.. Please hel*

Punkie,

Please explain the follwoing (your post).

Why are you not setting your husband free via a no contect divorce, no strings attached. Why not just leave.

well if you have read my Other Posts you will know where I am coming from .. so anyways. I think I am at my breaking point with all this . I think my Husband is Slowly Opening my eyes. Why Should I stay in A marriage where there's more bad then good? wounder when the next time we are going to fight? Makes me feel bad , puts me down. I depend to much on him and Im not even Independent. I need to do something for me this time!!! I am soo scared tho. I bet if I go threw this he will have a way to scare me out of it or some ****. but right now I am on the Computer listing to my Ipod while I look over right now my husband is on his computer with his head set on Im see him .. and feel Anger. Confussion . Wounder how he can do all this and Just sit there like **** is fine? it's like I am not even here. I bet you I could sit here forever with out getting interupted! I can't even image how tomorrow v day is going to go... yesterday he asked if I wanted anything from the store and I said O Just a soda and maybe something for V day he turns back and comes over to me and says urh really??? why it's Just another day why? and i was like Just never mind it's fine. see i don't know???


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## Punkie (Jan 24, 2009)

*Re: I Cheated on my Husband Like a year or so ago! & He's Still greaving.. Please hel*

I want this to work with him and I and I am not going to give up! please help


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## reidqa (Mar 25, 2009)

*Re: I Cheated on my Husband Like a year or so ago! & He's Still greaving.. Please hel*

Punkie,

over a year and he still resents and pushes you away.

Do you not get the message, I could tell you to be his literal slave and lick his toes each morning if you so desire.

See my wife was garbage, it took 2 years then she fell down a flight of stairs. i laughed so hard, and then realized it was over see she was no more than a bag of garbage.

What do you see in his eyes, in nothing do the right thing set him and you free NOW.


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## reidqa (Mar 25, 2009)

*Re: I Cheated on my Husband Like a year or so ago! & He's Still greaving.. Please hel*

Punkie,

So you want this to be yout husbands post one day.

The next 2 years there would be no sex, love, holidays (personal and calendar). There would be discussions between us; she never wanted to be completely open always stating it’s in the past why don't you forget it. I was so tired of taking care of house and child, I needed a relaxation period.
My responses were you f***** another guy, and I go to work sometimes for 16 hrs and have no thoughts of cheating on you. Then as another posted here, the man forced me to have sexual intercourse with him (THIS IS LAUGHABLE AS MANY TIMES TOLD HER TO CALL THE POLICE AND CHARGE RAPE SHE REFUSED). We supposedly are a couple I told her.
The usual was no responses.
FORUM: THE FOLLOWING OFTEN EMPLOYED BY CHEATER, WHY CAN'T YOU GET OVER IT, THE OBVIOUSLY LETS TURN IT AROUND IT’S YOUR FAULT AND THE EVER GOOD IT WAS FORCED SEX EXCUSE. THIS LEARNED OVER THE YEARS FROM MANY A PROFESSIONAL COUNSELOR.
Well, it’s now 1982 there is nothing left. I guess god intervened at this time. Go pour yourself a coffee or drink at this time.
I was driving down the street and guess whom comes out of a tavern with a man, its wife poo. I kept driving and never addressed it.
But in the coming weeks found out there would be no nightly trysts but sex replaced with behind dumpsters, junkyards or ever so convenient oral in car. This came from mutual friends, and was made factual over the years.
FORUM: ANOTHER LESSON LEARNED FROM MANY A CONSELOR; THE CHEATING SPOUSE HAS TAKEN DOWN THE BOUNDRIES OF MARRIAGE. A FORGIVEN SPOUSE MAY NOT HAVE AN AFFAIR AGIAN, BUT THE PLUMBER IS GAME FOR A ONE TIME FLING. THE EXPRESSION ONCE A CHEATOR ALWAYS A CHEATER CAN BE VERY VERY APPLICABLE WHEN YOU CONSIDER A LIFETIME TOGETHER WITHOUT BOUNDRIES.
One day as she was coming down the stairs in home, fell down the entire flight. There was to be no injury. I simply laughed out loud for a long and hard period.
At this point I simply walked out of the home with nothing but my pride intact.


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## reidqa (Mar 25, 2009)

*Re: I Cheated on my Husband Like a year or so ago! & He's Still greaving.. Please hel*

See Punkie you make my blood boil,

I think my Husband is Slowly Opening my eyes. Why Should I stay in A marriage where there's more bad then good? wounder when the next time we are going to fight?

WHAT THE f**K YOU ARE THE CRIMINAL HE IS THE VICTIM.

WHY ARE YOU STILL IN THE MARRIAGE, OH WAIT WANT TO PUNISH THE VICTIM MORE.

Please explain your posts, so far you are in the wrong 100% and time for him to leave.


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## psnuser12 (Oct 6, 2008)

*Re: I Cheated on my Husband Like a year or so ago! & He's Still greaving.. Please hel*

Okay well, none of the previous posts were helpful but rather something that should have been written in the poster's own diary.

I'm a 22 year old guy myself currently contemplating marriage, and I know I would devastated if my girlfriend cheated on me because of how in love and dedicated to her I already am even though we're not married yet. And, to be honest the best advice I would give you is to literally (if you have to) drag him into a marriage counselor and work this out. Don't give up if he is still cold-shouldering you a little bit, but your persistance in looking and wanting ways to make things work should show him you really care.

You two have a lot of catch-up to play but go out of your way as much as you bear to make him FEEL that you would never do it again. You can tell him all day, but you know the old saying... "Actions speak louder than words."

I hope that helped a little... it's a tough situation and I am very under qualified to add anything else.

-Wish you two the best.


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## Punkie (Jan 24, 2009)

*Re: I Cheated on my Husband Like a year or so ago! & He's Still greaving.. Please hel*

thank you so much Your Adivice was very much Apercatied. I am tryin to hang in there and do what i can to show him that i am not going anywhere and that I love him and that i want this to work . thx





zamardii12 said:


> Okay well, none of the previous posts were helpful but rather something that should have been written in the poster's own diary.
> 
> I'm a 22 year old guy myself currently contemplating marriage, and I know I would devastated if my girlfriend cheated on me because of how in love and dedicated to her I already am even though we're not married yet. And, to be honest the best advice I would give you is to literally (if you have to) drag him into a marriage counselor and work this out. Don't give up if he is still cold-shouldering you a little bit, but your persistance in looking and wanting ways to make things work should show him you really care.
> 
> ...


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## reidqa (Mar 25, 2009)

*Re: I Cheated on my Husband Like a year or so ago! & He's Still greaving.. Please hel*

Za,

Not her call, its the hurt one' call

I would give you is to literally (if you have to) drag him into a marriage counselor and work this out.


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## JDPreacher (Feb 27, 2009)

*Re: I Cheated on my Husband Like a year or so ago! & He's Still greaving.. Please hel*

You need to be reassuring, affectionate, apologetic when warranted and let him dictate the flow of things. If you are dedicated to making this work then you have to know when a man is deeply wounded like this it's going to take him a long time to heal and fully trust again...and you have to be patient and understanding even when you are frustrated and don't think anything you're doing is making a difference.

You emasculated him, took away his manhood by giving yourself to another when you told him during your wedding vows that you would not do something like you have done. That's a very difficult thing for many mean to deal with. And while he may very well want to stay in the marriage and work things out, subconsciously he has to punish you by being distant and aloof, condescending, passive aggressive.

Counseling would probably help immensly and if he is unwilling it would probably benefit you to go on your own...it may be possible to ease him into it at some point. Through counseling you may get a better insight into how he's feeling and what you have done and I'm sure you would get some ideas of what other things you can do to try and save your marriage.

Blessed Be,
Preacher


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## humpty dumpty (Nov 26, 2008)

*Re: I Cheated on my Husband Like a year or so ago! & He's Still greaving.. Please hel*

affairs hurt ... they hurt and turn your lifes upside down drag your emotions kill any love that you have for yourself and leave you asking so many questions ....so many questions that remain unanwsered .

My husband had a affair 6 years ago and ive forgiven him we have moved on ... it doesnt mean that ive forgottern and it doesnt mean that it doesnt still hurt me ..
i was a virgin when i gave my vows in church and today he still is the only man i ve slepted with .. it hurts to know that he slepted with another woman .
you can work through but he really needs to want to first .. you need to back of and give him space so he can deside if he still wants or needs you .


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## reidqa (Mar 25, 2009)

*Re: I Cheated on my Husband Like a year or so ago! & He's Still greaving.. Please hel*

What shall be your post if he is one of the men that do not want to forgive and forget.

In the past 2 posts nothing supporting his possible decision.


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## findingpeace (Mar 14, 2009)

*Re: I Cheated on my Husband Like a year or so ago! & He's Still greaving.. Please hel*

I totally disagree with reidqa I do think your marriage is worth saving that is the problem with alot of people these days when the times get tough they just want to walk away well love suffers long and it is obvious to me that you two do love eachother or you or your husband would be leaving i garantee that I strongley recomend some good counceling for both of you you have guilt to deal with and you must ask why you cheated in the first place and figure out what it is going to take so it never happens again and your husband needs healing from what is the most crushing thing that can happen to someone for he has been betrayed not just by one person but by his best freind to that is a two sided sword and alot of hurt for a person to deal with he has resentment and needs to learn to forgive you but it is your reponsibilty to rebiuld the trust that you have broken not his have you exposed all posibilitiys that he might think you are unfaithfull Phone records, E-mails, mail ect. you must have an open book life totally transparent in everthing you do remove all suspision and i do believe you are doing the right thing if you want to work things out dont let anyone convince you otherwise only you can know what is in your heart and nobody else does I wish my wife was like you when she cheated on me she gave no effort on trying to repair the damage she caused and because of that we are divorced when a persons heart is broken it can take a long time to heal love is also patient so hang in there and be carefull you dont take any poor advice that can be given from others well God bless and good luck


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## reidqa01 (Apr 26, 2009)

*Re: I Cheated on my Husband Like a year or so ago! & He's Still greaving.. Please hel*

Punkie,

I agree with the above, what have you done to protray trust. The myspace site is not a trust issue, and those friends do not protray traust. How about a bit of growing up, get rid of the piercing.'s.

A good question posed, what have yo done, and what is his feeling's.


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

*Re: I Cheated on my Husband Like a year or so ago! & He's Still greaving.. Please hel*

Punkie-

what about him, how many times has he cheated?


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## reidqa01 (Apr 26, 2009)

*Re: I Cheated on my Husband Like a year or so ago! & He's Still greaving.. Please hel*

Mark,

Based on his feelings in alllikeyhood -0-.


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## Lavender (May 14, 2008)

*Re: I Cheated on my Husband Like a year or so ago! & He's Still greaving.. Please hel*

I guess its a good sign for You that he hasnt left.. walked out yet .. dont know your household situation ...

But I do Know If I was your husband ... sorry I'd be Loooong Gone Already & vice versa with my husband ..If I cheated on Him .. Thats the Ultimate Betrayal & Some People Forgive in time maybe? 

Not Everyone does & No One Ever Forgets .. so complaining its been a year already makes me believe You havent ever Experienced the kind of pain you have Inflicted for it probally still feels like yesterday to Him! sorry Just the truth ...


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## Unknown (Apr 26, 2009)

*Re: I Cheated on my Husband Like a year or so ago! & He's Still greaving.. Please hel*

I have never been in your situation but I would be patient if I was you and let him have his space. I think that is the right thing to do rather than, having done something wrong and force him to love you.


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## shosty (Apr 28, 2009)

*Re: I Cheated on my Husband Like a year or so ago! & He's Still greaving.. Please hel*

Maybe I can help a little. I was in your husband's shoes when I was younger. Unfortunately, our marriage didn't make it. Basically, what has to happen is he needs to recommit to you all over again except this time there are several big hurdles to cross before that happens. He needs to forgive you, he needs to trust you, and he needs to be willing to work even harder at the relationship than before to make it work. What you'll have to do is be the kind of wife that convinces him to do this. I would say don't pressure him. Don't try to force anything romantic - even a romantic dinner - because he may feel manipulated. Start from square one. Just build a friendship. Think of fun things he likes to do and do those together. If he likes sports perhaps take him to a game of his favorite team. Wait for him to hold your hand - don't push anything. Be absolutely patient. Don't beg, don't get upset because he isn't responding as quickly as you want. Best as patient as Mother Theresa. This will show him you have self control and patience - great qualities for him to trust you again. It will also build his respect for you and love is built on respect. If you get frustrated talk to a good friend. Also, eventually, he will need to understand that most affairs don't "just happen". The person in the affair usually had an emotional need that wasn't being met. This took years for me to understand this. I wouldn't bring this up to him, though. A professional counselor is the best person to do this. Best wishes.


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