# is it over?



## MrsVain (Feb 1, 2009)

i think me and david are done. i am just trying to find a way to tell him and make sure the right process is done. i think i am going to talk to a lawyer tomorrow if i can fit it into my work.

the night before last night he stayed up until 5 looking on dating sites

last night he was up all night looking up dating sites, and created another email address so he can actual email them. he sent an email to some chick asking to met with her sometime

i am so confused because he has actually been on his good behavior this week. doing stuff around the house, cleaning up the yard, even washed my pillow the day i got back from moriarty because the little dog peed on it. dried it AND had it on the bed with a pillow case

shocked the hell out of me

and he has done the dishes 3 x this week without me asking.

he is still coming home later. around 6:30 or 7:30 and says he is "working" being as i never saw his times sheets i dont know. some times he doesnt come home until 11. but on last thrusday, i was able to log into his work credit card account.

for a year now he has been telling me that he only gets paid 200.00 every week. that is why i am paying the family insurance which is taking half my check literally. i went from getting 1000 every 2 weeks to getting 500 every 2 weeks. so i still pay the house payments 800/moth. with my other 200 --300 i pay my cell, the internet and my student loan. i have been struggling.

david was to pay the gas, the electric and the water and groceries. so gas is just 25 because the only thing on gas is the heater, the electric runs 190-225 and the water is 80-100. but because he only made 800 a month i thought it was "FAIR"

the joke is on me

he makes 460+ to 580+

a F*CKING WEEK!!!

last 2 months he did not pay the electric

so just the water

he made 2000. and paid out 100 for the water. he hasnt gotten groceries since the little boys went to my moms in may

so what did he spend 1900 on? hell i dont know

ok. he has to get gas to go to work so what 100 a week and again, i think it is less then that. 400 a month. still leave 1500. if it even takes a 100

then he pays his truck insurance cuz he cant be caught without that so lets just say another 100. but i think it is more like 50 to 70 per month. still leaves 1400

still more then what i make a month

i asked him (didnt tell him i knew what he made) and he said he cant remember what all he spent his money on last month or any other month. i told him you had money and you have nothing to show for it. he just said yep

oh right an lets not forget his f*cking beer. idk what he spends probably around 100 a week. still lieave 1300

but it really not the money. although it buggs the f*ck out of me

it is the fact that he is looking for a date.

he has gotten cagey about his phone again

wont let me near it

i kept asking myself for the past 8 month, why is he here. why does he stay because he is showing all the signs of not wanting to be here. no matter what i did or what i said, he still acting like he dont want to be here.

after the little boys went to mY MOMS, he was staying out all night, drinking alot more. when he does come home he is going out to the garage and styaing out there until 11 then comes in and goes to bed

if i try to talk to him while he is in bed he pretends to be asleep

i am tired.

i tried so hard

i cant make him love me

i just cant figure out why he is sending me mixed signals

some times being all lovey....i think it is guilty concieous. i think he cheated on me and then "ACTS" all right at home

and i keep waiting for him to leave

like he always does

very hard to act when you think any day now he is going to just not come home at all

but he is still here. giving me a kiss every morning. gets on dating sites all night then wants to have sex with me at 3 in the morning

that was just last week and the first time i said no (dont feel like being used like that, sorry)

but other times we had sex, some of it really good too. now i dont know what to think

o and he paid my cell phone payment last week cuz i had to pay the electric as it got turned off and that is how i found out he hasnt paid for it

for 2 months

anyhow...i kept asking myself when is he going to leave and why is he doing this or that and why is he staying

and then it dawned on me friday nite

why am i staying?

why should i stay with him if he treats me like crap, does whatever he wants, cleaning his house, making dinner, washing his clothes, taking care of the bills, cleaning the yard, taking care of my car cuz he could care less,

all the while he is looking to find someone online for a f*ck?

how stupid am i

i mean i love him but i dont like being treated this way

i dont like wondering where my husband and if or who he is f*cking

i think he is on drugs again

i think he is cheating on me

at least if not physcially then he is texting and talking to other women

i really am done

i cant do this anymore

i cant live this way

my heart hurts but i feel like i will be better off without him

i dont want the kids to have a broken home and have divorced parents.

but why stay with him if he is going to be doing that sh*t

i have no idea what to do

i mean ya i could seduce him and it will be fine for a little while but he has done this over and over and over

he is just not committed to this relationship

amd i am tired of being the only one trying to make this marriage and family work

i have put up with som much of his s*it

and his faults

and i just cant do it anymore

anyway

i dont even know how to begin to tell him

and i want to make sure i have all my ducks in a row before i tell him

he here is acting like nothing is going on

like he didnt just spend the WHOLE night talking to other women and trying to met them. looking at naked pic and ****

he has 2 profiles on the xmeeting.com

and one on flirt hook up dot com

he created a new email and has emailed some

asking if they could get together

and maybe they can exchange phone numbers

this has been going on for a month

at first he was just looking

now he is emailling them

i have a key logger for an out of control 15 year old girl. i guess he forgot since she moved out

maybe he knows and wants me to know so that i will tell him it is over because he obviously doesnt have the balls to tell me

he doesnt want to change

or fix it

just these last 3 months have proven that. i have talked and talked and talked to him

asked him what is wrong

what does he want me to do

what am i doing wrong

what else can i do to show him i lvoe him

he doesnt care

i am convenient

and it is not like i am looking for this ****

i havent tracked him with my tracker for over a year

but of course he still says i am

i havent followed or gone looking for him in a year

but he still thinks i do

guilty concious i think

anyhow, i am a little scared

i dont want to be divorced

i dont know what i am going to do in the future

hell i dont even know how to get started or what to do to get a divorce

i really wish he would put as much effort into our marriage as he is with these dating sites and strange women

mom says to wait a few more years

but i just cant take it anymore

i even tried changing myself

to look younger

lose weight and i have lost alot but my belly just will not flatten no matter what i do

5 kids 8 pregnacies does that to a body i guess

hell idk anymore, i dont want a divorce. i just want him to commit to our marriage and our family.

i feel scared and lost


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

It sounds like he is not going to change. So you really have two choices. Accept him as he is, to include his cheating or file for divorce.

If you are going to file for divorce, do not tell him yet. You need to get your plan on place. 

See the attorney have him file. 

Get all of your financial information and your husband's together. Make copies of your husband's info before he make it unavailable to you.

YOur attorney can ask the court for spousal support for you and for a more equal distribution of expenses until the divorce is final. So ask for him to do that.

Then just have your husband served. He does not deserve to be told. 

Make sure you are keeping copies of all the evidence you have. If you are getting files off a computer, store them someplace safe that he cannot get to.

One place I like for this is www.lockbox.com They provide free online storage of data up to something like 2GB. If you run out of that free space... google has some free storage available too... and there are other sites..


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## MrsVain (Feb 1, 2009)

thank you. i have been looking this up on many sites and basically everyone says the same as you. but i really appreciate you taking the time to reply.

i am going to call a lawyer sometime today to see what my options are. how much i can get for each child and all. i did not think of the spousal support (actually didnt know about it) so thank you for that. 

so far my plans are to talk to a lawyer, wait until the papers are drawn up. then confront him with the evidence (having the divorce papers in hand and ready) then seeing what kind of BS he comes up with or possibly he will tell me the truth and say it is over. either way afterwards hand him the divorce papers and tell him to sign.

this morning he woke up and wanted sex. so i did. he gets up at 5, usually has to leave at 530. after sex, he got up, made coffee, got dressed and got on the computer to check his new email. and look at some dating site pictures (which not only shows the women in our area but most are naked pics). i was devastated. laying in bed, knowing he was on the computer and then checking it later to confirm.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Sweetheart please stop being a victim. He can treat you however he wants and all you know is that you don't want to be divorced. And after all of his lies you're STILL worried about how to tell him? Why would he want to go anywhere? He has it made with you. You pay all the bills, give him sex whenever he wants it, take care of the house, and all he has to do is wash some dishes and be nice and he can still keep all his money go on dating sites. Please stop being a doormat; their are no mixed signals here, he wants the deal he has. If you can live with that fine, but if not woman up and get rid of him.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MrsVain (Feb 1, 2009)

thank you life is too short. that is exactly the kind of thing i needed to hear. it hurts but it helps, if that make sense. and of course you are right. i just need someone to tell me that i guess.

my parent support me but of course they are also the you dont get divorced no matter what problems you are having type. up into this year, i was told by both of them to make my marriage work, fix this mrsvain.....

i tried. i just cant do it anymore. but i dont know how to start either.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Yep, I would say its over, his behavior is disgusting, and he absolutely disrespects you.Your parents are not in your relationship, you are a grown woman capable of her own decisions, and shame on them for telling you to wait! 

Start by opening a bank account for yourself and have your checks direct deposited to it, if you dont already. Start making copies of important documents and financial papers. Follow Elegirl's advice, she is spot on. Take your life back.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

MrsVain said:


> so far my plans are to talk to a lawyer, wait until the papers are drawn up. then confront him with the evidence (having the divorce papers in hand and ready) then seeing what kind of BS he comes up with or possibly he will tell me the truth and say it is over. _either way afterwards hand him the divorce papers and tell him to sign_.


This is not how filing for divorce works. 

You and/or our attorney writes up a petition for divorce or dissolution of marriage. They can include a request that the court award interim child support and spousal support. 

Then he is served with the divorce papers and he signed to acknowledge that he received the divorce papers. He then has about 30 days to respond. Until he is legally served he does not have to pay any attention to the divorce papers.

In some states you handing the papers to him is considered serving but usually still requires that he sign something as proof that he got them.

An emergency hearing can be called to hammer out interim spousal and child support. 

But he still has 30 day or so to respond to the petition for divorce/dissolution. Then the negotiation starts for whatever the final divorce settlement will be.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

3Xnocharm said:


> Yep, I would say its over, his behavior is disgusting, and he absolutely disrespects you.Your parents are not in your relationship, you are a grown woman capable of her own decisions, and shame on them for telling you to wait!
> 
> Start by opening a bank account for yourself and have your checks direct deposited to it, if you dont already. Start making copies of important documents and financial papers. Follow Elegirl's advice, she is spot on. Take your life back.


:iagree: Yep, and store those copies somewhere that he cannot get to. You will need them to prove things.


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## MrsVain (Feb 1, 2009)

well i got an appointment with a lawyer in 1.5 hours. i am nervous. i am scared. i am sick to my stomach. 

i still cant believe this is really happening. but i also know deep in my heart that he doesnt love me, doesnt respect me, doesnt treat me good, that he is not committed to our marriage, our family and our relationship. and mostly that he is not going to change. we have been acting this out in different ways, shapes and forms for 6 years now

but i hurt so badly


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## MrsVain (Feb 1, 2009)

waiting for him to come home....he is late. at a "friends" house. 

kicking him out and filing for divorce asap

wish me luck


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## FemBot (May 1, 2013)

Wow!! Good luck. Sounds kinda like you have a spoiled teenager for a husband. Ugh. You will survive and thrive!


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