# Please Help! for women!



## skiman1022 (Apr 15, 2013)

My wife and I are both 22 years old. We are high school sweethearts and Have been together for awhile! We truly do love each other more than anyone knows. Our sex life is dull, and I am wondering of some tips, hints, ideas to pick it up as we are both still young! I want us to be more sexually active, but I feel she lacks confidence in herself.
I love her, and I want us to be more active. 

Please help!!! I am looking for a womens perspective on all of this.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Work on the rest of your marriage, and the sex will follow. Set aside one night a week and do marriage building workbooks - His Needs Her Needs is a good one, so is The 7 Principles of Making Marriage Work. Go on dates. Talk about your day every morning and every evening. Connect. Do things together like cook and clean and bike ride and camp and shop - don't do them separately.


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

I read here today you need to be more aggressive, but not too dominant, and share in the experience equally

You guys are young, you have a lot to experience and learn in the sex dept, especially since (I assume) you are each the others first.


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## GettingIt_2 (Apr 12, 2013)

skiman1022 said:


> My wife and I are both 22 years old. We are high school sweethearts and Have been together for awhile! We truly do love each other more than anyone knows. Our sex life is dull, and I am wondering of some tips, hints, ideas to pick it up as we are both still young! I want us to be more sexually active, but I feel she lacks confidence in herself.
> I love her, and I want us to be more active.
> 
> Please help!!! I am looking for a womens perspective on all of this.


Have you read around on other threads in this forum? Some are about problems, but often times posters talk quite a lot about what has worked for them, what their wives have liked, and how they worked through situations not unlike your own. It's been so helpful to me to hear "real people" exchanging ideas and support. Books are great, too, but you do get the benefit of lots of view points, voices and personalities, not to mention feedback, on a forum like this. 

Also, make sure you communicate this TO HER. Make her understand that sex is very wrapped up in how you show love to her, and how you feel loved by her. I know from experience that it can be hard for some women to truly understand and have faith in this. 

You could ask her to read around here, too. It's good that you are seeking to work on keeping things exciting for you both--do it now, don't give up on it, and maybe you won't have to worry about falling into the "life without a sex life" trap!


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## Jessica373 (Mar 15, 2013)

• Be more dominant/aggressive in the bedroom
• Foreplay
• Tell her how much you want her and love her body
• Send her a text message during the day telling her what you are going to do to her when you get home, be totally lewd
• Guide her into trying new things when she is already turned on
• Did I mention foreplay?

Seriously though, communication is the most important. Without it you have nothing. Feeling like you can tell your spouse anything and talk about what you want sexually without the fear of judgement or rejection is so vital. Good luck!


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## somethingelse (Jun 20, 2012)

Read Fifty Shades of Grey...or get your W to.


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## ClimbingTheWalls (Feb 16, 2013)

I'm not sure you have described the problem in enough detail for us to give much in the way of meaningful input.

You say your sex life is dull and you want to be more sexually active. 

To me this could mean
a) you get lots of sex but it is all boring
b) you don't get as much sex as you would like and it is boring
c) you don't get as much sex as you would like but when you do it is good

I am guessing that the issue is either a) or b). 

What is dull about the sex? Doing the same old thing?

Why do you think your wife lacks confidence? What do you do to boost her confidence?


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

skiman1022 said:


> My wife and I are both 22 years old. We are high school sweethearts and Have been together for awhile! We truly do love each other more than anyone knows. Our sex life is dull, and I am wondering of some tips, hints, ideas to pick it up as we are both still young! I want us to be more sexually active, but I feel she lacks confidence in herself.
> I love her, and I want us to be more active.
> 
> Please help!!! I am looking for a womens perspective on all of this.


Here's the perspective of a man a good bit older than you who has been where you are. Don't work on her. Work on you.

Women REALLY don't like their husbands coming to them and lovingly suggesting that they need to improve. I'm serious. If you buy your wife a book on how she can be more adventurous in bed, it will go right in the trash can. Or, if she's really polite and loves you as much as you say she does, in her nightstand drawer never to be glanced at again. And she will forever resent you for your implied insult of her. 10 years from now, when you're having an argument over money, she will bring up how perverted you are as evidenced by that one time you bought her that book. Seriously.

You lead and she will follow. If you are more adventurous and exciting, she will be willing to follow your lead. Because it doesn't suggest that she has a problem.

Good luck.


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

Oh yeah, Married Man Sex Life | How to have the marriage you thought you were going to have. By which I mean doing it like rabbits.


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## Flygirl (Apr 9, 2013)

I wasn't very open to trying new things at 22. Around my late 20's is when I finally loosened up a little. It took my therapist telling me that it's normal to experiment and try things. It was like I just needed permission. My husband would drop hints and say "when are you going to let me try xyz on you". I use to have a hard time relaxing so we took it slow. Now I'm the one who wants him to try things.


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## lovemylife (Feb 13, 2012)

I personally found a lot of great information in Lou Paget's books. There are a lot of sources out there, and many say they have all the info, and I found many to be lacking. "how to give her absolute pleasure" and "how to be a great lover"

Our first book that was expecially good info for my young husband was by Nora Hayden. Amazon.com: How to Satisfy A Woman Every Time (9780942104172): Naura Hayden: Books

The sinclair institute has a lot of educational videos as well. (just fyi, there are real life couples that demonstrate as well)


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