# looking for help



## end of my rope (Nov 19, 2008)

new to the group and do need help, married 21 years, have not slept with my spouse for 7 years, very little communication and have asked him to leave, kids have known that we are not a normal married couple as they see the distance, i have stopped talking to him as he just dosn't want to admit it is over, he will not move out or admit we should seperate, i know it is done in every way and want it over, how do i make him understand it is done do i file seperation papers and give them to him, seems mean, any ideas out there on how to make him understand it is over


----------



## voivod (Aug 7, 2008)

okay, why no intimacy for 7 years. did something happen back then that physically made it not "work?"

he may not be moving out because he doesn't understand what is going on. you can't necessarily expect a man to just walk away from a family he loves because intimacy stops. maybe the vows and committment mean more to him than that.

what IS going on?


----------



## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

Have you read any books such as 'The 5 Love Languages' or done anything over the last several years to try to rebuild the marriage? If you walk away without really putting in the effort to talk through the distance and the issues they will most likely follow you in any future relationships and you've already invested so much time into this one and more importantly have children together. What is HE saying about all of this?


----------



## end of my rope (Nov 19, 2008)

over the last 7 years i have fallen deeply in love with another man and want to build a life with him, i am no longer interested in rebuilding my relationship with my husband, he has been abusive in the past mentally and physically , my oldest is in university living away from home and my youngest is 14, I want to move on with my life but don't know how to get that message across to my spouse, and no i didn't stop loving my spouse because of the other man, my marriage was done before i met him in my heart


----------

