# Im lost



## Jenmarroquin (May 28, 2015)

I am 34 and my wife is 23. We were married on April 25th of this year. 2 weeks ago after we got bacl from our honeymoon she starts acting weird. I asked her if she wanted to be married and her response is I dont know. She left to go stay with her Aunt she said she would be back in a few days we are going on 16 days... She says she still loves me and shes planning on coming back ... I feel so lost like my heart is being toyed and played with. I dont know what shes thinking I dont know anything except I love her ... I feel like im going crazy


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## Jenmarroquin (May 28, 2015)

Everything was great before the wedding, shes in nursing school so right after our wedding was finals... Our honeymoon was horrible she spent it on the phone ..


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## Jenmarroquin (May 28, 2015)

Yes I told her ... It was texting her friends... She is serious but school is out now. She has self esteem issues and keeps saying I don't deserve this life she doesn't deserve me


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## Jenmarroquin (May 28, 2015)

She has serious self esteem issues... She suffers from PTSD


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## Jenmarroquin (May 28, 2015)

We were together 3 years... She's not really a talker


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Well, I hope you didn't spend much on the wedding and honeymoon.

Sorry.


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## ScrambledEggs (Jan 14, 2014)

Jenmarroquin said:


> She has serious self esteem issues... She suffers from PTSD


This is not something you can solve on a forum. Therapy.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

If you call will she talk to you?

If you text or email, will she reply?

Have you tried to talk to anyone in her family?

Does your family know that this is going on?


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

She sounds incredibly immature. You need to tell her that you have to talk about why this is happening and set some boundaries. she cannot be running off every time there is an issue. She needs to act like a wife and not some spoilt kid. IMO you ask her to come home and talk, if not you are filing for divorce, simple.


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## Betterman (Dec 10, 2011)

This sounds shockingly similar to my situation. We were married in April and we agreed we were divorcing last night. My STBX is 27 and she asked me to marry her. Her behavior is strikingly similar.

The reply from AINE rings about true. Basically, I had told mine a few times that her drinking and lack of participation is not acceptable and won't fly for long. She took it as griping and checked out emotionally. Then while I was away for the weekend, she says she did some soul-searching and thinks that I we have fundamental differences. She wants to be able to go out drinking whenever she wants and she wants no accountability nor responsibility in a relationship.

Immature, yes, but in my case, I believe addiction and all that comes with it has played a role as well. At the end of the day, I wish I had had the courage to take action long ago - I just didn't want to give up on her.


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## Jenmarroquin (May 28, 2015)

My wife (maybe soon to be ex ) suffers from severe PTSD and all that entails ... She sandbags wants a divorce but will try to save it ... I'm so confused and hurt and alone ... I won't get divorced


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Can she go for some IC or therapy, after that get yourselves both into counselling, you cannot do this on your own.


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## Ceegee (Sep 9, 2012)

ScrambledEggs said:


> This is not something you can solve on a forum. Therapy.



We can't help her but we can help him. 

OP, if this is acceptable behavior do nothing. 

If not, you're going to have to let her know and set consequences. 

"Wife, I will not be married to a woman that does not live with me and does not want to be with me. If you are not home in x days I will begin the process of ending it."

Is an annulment possible where you live?

You have to be willing to lose the marriage if you want to save it.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

what is the PTSD about?


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## Jenmarroquin (May 28, 2015)

Childhood rape by a parent


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## Hardtohandle (Jan 10, 2013)

I hate jumping to the cheating wife syndrome.. But do you know who she was texting all that time ? 

Were you living together prior to getting married ? 

You know you can't fix this, but she can try to fix it or at least learn how to deal with it and realize when she gets these episodes.. I know I get these sometimes as well and there are times I know when I am being unrational and then there are times I don't realize it until I'm in the middle of the moment or near the end.. Mine are insecurity and controlling issues due to a cheating ex wife.. 


But this is a lot.. At 48 years old and ending a 20 year relationship/marriage in 2013.. I can tell you only personally, this isn't worth the effort on your part honestly.. Any therapist will tell you LOVE is Bullsh!t.. You cannot live on LOVE alone in a relationship.. You cannot hope that love will fix this and help you both perceiver through this all. 

At a minimum, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE WAIT to have kids with this woman... She is 23 and has MANY years ahead of her to have children.. 

PLEASE wait to make sure all of this is under control first.. Having a child in the midst of this will do nothing but make things a MILLION TIMES WORSE... 

Hindsight being 20/20 I would have cut my ex wife loose after my 2nd son was born.. But I tell you 2 years ago I wished we never met in the first place.. But after calming down and becoming semi normal again, I can tell you my boys mean the world to me.. But in your shoes with no kids.. I wouldn't fight to get her back honestly... I would let her make her decision to cut you loose and walk away fast... I know it sounds harsh and I am sorry.. But if it takes her 10 years to sort all this out, she will be 33 and you will be 44.. After 10 years of trying to fix herself, she might realize that you no longer fit into her new life and her new self.. 

Trust me when I say this, my current G.F. says the same thing to me.. 

She tells me, I swear if you make me deal with all this sh!t of yours and then cut me loose after you fix yourself, I am gonna kill you and then I am gonna fvck all your friends.. 

Make sure your not the dad figure she felt she needed AT THIS TIME and then realizes that as well later... 

These are the risk you are taking with something like this.. You wouldn't be the first or the last person.. Just think rebound relationships.. Everyone here has had them.. 

Good luck, keep posting..


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