# STI



## Danny Boy (May 25, 2011)

Ok. I'm so upset I can hardly contain myself. W went to a concert in NY last Friday (left thursday night and came back friday afternoon...the concert was in the morning). Saturday she starts complaining she's got her period. Then pain when urinating. It gets so bad she actually goes to a walk-in on Saturday. MD says, "urinary tract infection". Severe pain Sunday. Monday she goes to another walk-in. He's talking herpes...blood test. No result yet. Meanwhile crazy internet research. She starts talking, "it could have been around for years and I didn't know it", maybe I got it from the x and didn't know..."he did cheat on me" (15 years ago never heard of it being that long before first outbreak:scratchhead...to my knowledge I am the only one that has been with her in the last 15 and there have only been two of us for her. It has been 15 for me and my x who was my only before W. She goes to her OB/GYN today and the OB is talking herpes and gives her a story about, it could be type 1 and maybe I gave it to her orally or maybe she gave it to herself. Neither of us have ever had cold sores although we have had canker sores. OB took a culture from W to find out if it is and what type. ARRRRRRGGGG! Lot's of crying from W. She doesn't want me to leave her and she's done nothing and KNOWS it's not me because she trusts me and loves me. She so afraid of me leaving in fact she didn't want to go to work tonight. She was afraid I would leave with the kids. I told her that I wasn't going anywhere and that I'm not going to worry about anything until the testing comes back. Plus, I didn't tell her but I'm going to get the titer done to see if I have been exposed (apparently symptoms even in first outbreak in men can be so mild they never know but I don't see her not catching it since we've been married and sexually active for the last 10-15 years). All the research I've done has pointed that this is her FIRST outbreak and typically happens within 2-14 days of exposure. Does ANYONE have any way of seeing this as coincidence? I'm very, very upset but I think I've done a pretty good job of keeping it hidden over the last couple of days. Besides waiting for the testing to come back and getting a titer myself anyone got any suggestions?


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Danny, it sounds like you're handling this better than many people would. Congrats on that. Sorry I don't have any advice for you besides to hang in there till you get your results back. You could try talking to your own doctor to mark sure you're getting complete info. And around here, there's special STI clinics. That's all they deal with. If you find someplace like that, they may give better advice than a GP.

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## piqued (Mar 25, 2010)

Has she said anything about the concert? Have you asked anything? Who did she go with? Was there drugs/alcohol involved?

You're doing a good job staying under control because the worse thing you can do is jump to conclusions. That might cause a rift that can't get repaired.

BTW, why does she think you'll leave her?


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Are you sure she's not cheating on you?

I ask because in reading some of your other posts, I see something that is quite common among cheating wives having an affair, they pick fights with their betrayed husbands in order to justify to themselves that their husbands made them have the affair.

If she didn't cheat on you then she has nothing to fear. But if she did then it would explain why she is fearful of you leaving her.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Wait til you get the results back. When do you get them back?

Is it oral herpes or in the genitals? If it's the latter, it sounds hokey that after FIFTEEN years she'd just now be getting symptoms for herpes...


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## Danny Boy (May 25, 2011)

She went to the concert with two women. She has many, many pictures from the concert and there don't appear to be any men with them although there are men around. Any pictures of them were obvious self shots with the outstretched arm taking the photos. Sometimes I do feel like she's cheating on me but there hasn't been the obvious tells like picking a fight just to get out, storming away, unaccounted for time or any evenings where she was hours later than she said she would be.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

On the odd chance you have a variant of shingles which doesn't cluster in a nerve ganglion near a joint, it's possible that stress can cause a viral eruption. Mouth sores can also be from a residual viral load of some kind that sits latent until a stressor causes it to erupt in the mouth. 

Antivirals like Valtrex can wreak havoc with your system so unless you're sure you need a suppressor it's best to stay away from them.


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## Danny Boy (May 25, 2011)

Runs like Dog said:


> On the odd chance you have a variant of shingles which doesn't cluster in a nerve ganglion near a joint, it's possible that stress can cause a viral eruption. Mouth sores can also be from a residual viral load of some kind that sits latent until a stressor causes it to erupt in the mouth.
> 
> Antivirals like Valtrex can wreak havoc with your system so unless you're sure you need a suppressor it's best to stay away from them.


Shingles is the only reason I haven't lost my $#!t yet. Her grandmother gets it. It can present like herpes (according to web md). Is called herpes zoster AND we both had chicken pox as kids. It very well could be shingles. They took swabs and blood for a titer from her. I'm happy for me if she comes back negative and very fearful for her if they don't diagnose something.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Danny Boy said:


> *Sometimes I do feel like she's cheating on me* but there hasn't been the obvious tells like picking a fight just to get out, storming away, unaccounted for time or any evenings where she was hours later than she said she would be.


Does she talk about any of her male co-workers? Has she been dressing up to go to work? Leaving an hour earlier or calling to let you know she was going to be working late? 

Recently of my closest friends, found out that his wife had been calling in sick in order to spend a full day with the OM at a hotel room. Turns out that the OM was one of her male co-workers. All the time he believed his wife was at work she was having sex with the OM.

Hopefully this won't be the case but I often found that when a husband or wife starts getting the feeling that his/her spouse is cheating, it often turns out to be the case.


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## MrK (Sep 2, 2010)

Do you think she'd really come home from a one-night-stand and start complaining about STD symptoms to you within a couple of days? I would think she'd freakout privately until she got herself tested and received the results. And as far as cheaters behavior after the fact, how much have you read here about the turning of tables? The "you don't trust me's"? The blame shifting, etc. All of the "typical" behavior of cheaters we are all so quick to point out. I don't see it. Although the way she acted could be considered peculiar for someone who DIDN'T cheat, that was probably a reaction to your reaction. If this happened to me, I wouldn't have opened the discusson calmly and rationally. Maybe you didn't either?

Wait for the test results and take it from there. You need to get yourself tested too. Even if nothing happened that night, there's something going on down there. Don't rely on her being 100% honest if it's bad.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Danny Boy said:


> Ok. I'm so upset I can hardly contain myself. W went to a concert in NY last Friday (left thursday night and came back friday afternoon...the concert was in the morning). Saturday she starts complaining she's got her period. Then pain when urinating. It gets so bad she actually goes to a walk-in on Saturday. MD says, "urinary tract infection". Severe pain Sunday. Monday she goes to another walk-in. He's talking herpes...blood test. No result yet. *Meanwhile crazy internet research. She starts talking, "it could have been around for years and I didn't know it", maybe I got it from the x and didn't know..."he did cheat on me" (15 years ago never heard of it being that long before first outbreak:scratchhead*...to my knowledge I am the only one that has been with her in the last 15 and there have only been two of us for her. It has been 15 for me and my x who was my only before W. She goes to her OB/GYN today and the OB is talking herpes and gives her a story about, it could be type 1 and maybe I gave it to her orally or maybe she gave it to herself. Neither of us have ever had cold sores although we have had canker sores. OB took a culture from W to find out if it is and what type. ARRRRRRGGGG! * Lot's of crying from W. She doesn't want me to leave her and she's done nothing and KNOWS it's not me because she trusts me and loves me. She so afraid of me leaving in fact she didn't want to go to work tonight. She was afraid I would leave with the kids.* I told her that I wasn't going anywhere and that I'm not going to worry about anything until the testing comes back. Plus, I didn't tell her but I'm going to get the titer done to see if I have been exposed (apparently symptoms even in first outbreak in men can be so mild they never know but I don't see her not catching it since we've been married and sexually active for the last 10-15 years). All the research I've done has pointed that this is her FIRST outbreak and typically happens within 2-14 days of exposure. Does ANYONE have any way of seeing this as coincidence? I'm very, very upset but I think I've done a pretty good job of keeping it hidden over the last couple of days. Besides waiting for the testing to come back and getting a titer myself anyone got any suggestions?


The parts I put in bold lettering are what raises an eyebrow in yours truly.

If she is not cheating, then she should not be acting like she was and got caught. She would be concerned of course but not freaking out that she's going to lose her marriage and family.

Hopefully I'm dead wrong, still most faithful wives do not react in the fashion that your wife did.


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## couple (Nov 6, 2010)

I tend to agree with morituri that the reaction is a bit strange. however, she could feel disgusted and ashamed just for having an STI (if that's what it is). People sometimes feel that nobody would want them.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Mori, the part that you bolded was a red flag to me too.


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## Danny Boy (May 25, 2011)

The reactions concern me too but one thing it isn't is an offense. I've caught her lying before and she gets angry, tries to turn the tables and use the "you don't trust me" line...and not even lying about being with someone else. Just lying in general about when and where she'd purchased things or places she would be when it turned out to be innocuous. Completely different reaction her but I think someone else said she could be reacting to the way I am acting. I haven't said much. Only that it was hard for me to believe that she's had this for 15 years before a first outbreak.


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## SockPuppet (May 16, 2011)

When was the last time the two of you were intimate? If it was before the concert, and you are also positive then you dont need to worry about her folling around during her girls trip. Just do the calculations, and dont jump to any conclusions. Also what prompted her to worry about you leaving with the kids? Get all the facts and keep your cool til then.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Danny Boy said:


> The reactions concern me too but one thing it isn't is an offense. *I've caught her lying before and she gets angry, tries to turn the tables and use the "you don't trust me" line...and not even lying about being with someone else*. Just lying in general about when and where she'd purchased things or places she would be when it turned out to be innocuous. Completely different reaction her but I think someone else said she could be reacting to the way I am acting. I haven't said much. Only that it was hard for me to believe that she's had this for 15 years before a first outbreak.


The lettering I highlighted shows a very typical cheating spouse behavior.

Gaslighting is a form of psychological abuse in which false information is presented to the victim with the intent of making them doubt their own memory and perception. It may simply be the denial by an abuser that previous abusive incidents ever occurred, or it could be the staging of bizarre events by the abuser with the intention of disorienting the victim. Efforts to manipulate someone's sense of reality. Does this sound familiar?

She may not be cheating but if I were you I would install a key logger on the computer, check cell phone records for high number of calls to certain number(s) or texting, install a covert GPS tracking device on her vehicle to track her whereabouts. Also VAR (voice activated recorder).

But whatever you do, do not accuse her of cheating without having definite proof - without of course revealing your sources - for she might take it underground and then finding out is going to be difficult if not impossible.


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## Danny Boy (May 25, 2011)

So W's confirmatory tests came back. Her outbreak was Type I. Her doc says she could have given it to herself, gotten it from me etc. I don't ever get cold sores. Neither does she so it doesn't make sense to me etc. Lots of back and forth non confrontational discussions since her positive result. One of those discussions entails a lot of crying on her part saying she's terrified I'm going to leave, doesn't want me to go and she didn't do anything to cause this. She also says she is willing to do ANYTHING to prove that she didn't cause this. Today I go to the doc (different doc than hers), get my blood drawn. Doc tells me that this thing could lay dormant for years and years. I say "15-20"? She says "yes" and I say, "Without any kind of indication that she's been exposed?" She says, "yes". Then I say, "So I guess that means I am going to have it." Then the doc says "not necessarily". So according to the doc, the possibility exists that this is from her ex and I don't have it (her ex did cheat on her at least twice). I take this to mean that pos or neg results aren't going to give me any insight into her fidelity, but to me the probability is still higher that this is from cheating.

The upside to all of this is she has been very, very sweet to me in the last few weeks. Some days I am so upset over the whole thing that I don't say anything to her and this bothers her greatly...she doesn't get angry though. More sad. Something that some of you more experienced with cheating behavior might be able to tell me. Would this also be typical cheating and then trying to cover tracks type behavior because her reaction to this whole thing has been so atypical from the times I've caught her lying? Is this like another type of way to try and save the lie or does this sound legit? At this point I've still only got nothing but my anxiety and only her word to go on.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

Danny, it seems the evidence is completely inconclusive, unless you have any other evidence you need to give her the benefit of the doubt, or else it means you really do just want out of of this relationship and you've already been dwelling on that now for several weeks.

If someone you dearly loved made accusations of infidelity against you and and you were entirely faithful, and if they used the shame of a medical condition to make you feel remorseful about behavior that you didn't do only because they were fearful and anxious, what would you do to try to protect your integrity and your relationship that has fallen under a non-existent threat.

If your marriage is important to you man up, apologize for jumping to conclusions, show her that you will work to rebuild the trust that you have damaged by making these horrible allegations against her, and start working to have confidence in yourself because women don't leave a confident happy man.


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

How about asking her to take a Lie Detector test?


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## sigma1299 (May 26, 2011)

I'm with Lon at this point. Two different MD's have given you info that means it could very well not be from her cheating. I don't personally think she's acting like a cheater, but rather that her reactions are those of someone who is scared of a medical diagnosis, scared of the impact that diagnosis will have on their spouse, and scared that their spouse is now watching them with a wary eye. 

If you love and her, I'd trust her. At this point I don't see where she has given you reason to do anything otherwise.


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## Danny Boy (May 25, 2011)

I have not accused her of anything. All discussions about the issue have been initiated by her. I wouldn't ever without any kind of proof. I absolutely don't want out. I love her more than anything in the world. I'm just terrified that she has cheated and I've lost her.


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## 2xloser (May 8, 2011)

I don't quite follow. You're afraid you've lost her, but she wil ldo ANYTHING to prove she's not cheated on you... yet in your gut, you have a feeling she has done so? 

I'm actually focused on that gut feeling much much more than the medical issue here, although sure that could be a 'side effect'. 

Why not get that polygraph Hicks suggested? Tell her it's bugging you, and frankly has been way before the STI came up -- but you do love her and want to get back to a better place, so to put it all behind you and essentially turn the page, you'd like her to take a simply polygraph to answer 3 - 5 simple questions: Has she cheated on you? Has she been sexually intimate with another man? Did she have any inappropriate contact with another man while away in NYC for the concert? Did she have any inappropriate contact, sexual or otherwise, at any other time during your marriage? Does she really actually know how she contracted this STI?

She passes that, it's all you're gonna have to move forward with. She fails, you have a decision to make.


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

2xloser said:


> I
> 
> Why not get that polygraph Hicks suggested? Tell her it's bugging you, and frankly has been way before the STI came up -- but you do love her and want to get back to a better place, so to put it all behind you and essentially turn the page, you'd like her to take a simply polygraph to answer 3 - 5 simple questions: Has she cheated on you? Has she been sexually intimate with another man? Did she have any inappropriate contact with another man while away in NYC for the concert? Did she have any inappropriate contact, sexual or otherwise, at any other time during your marriage? Does she really actually know how she contracted this STI?
> 
> She passes that, it's all you're gonna have to move forward with. She fails, you have a decision to make.


:iagree::iagree::iagree:


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Though the test is inconclusive as to the timeline of the infection, still it would be wise if you did some covert investigation of your own. Install a VAR (voice activated recorder) in her car, install a keylogger on your computer to obtain information such as the websites she frequents and passwords she uses for email and to logon to sites, check cell phone records to look for an unusual increase of telephone activity or texting from her phone. If she's cheating on you, these things can help you uncover her affair. And if she's not, then they will give you the peace of mind you are seeking.


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## ManDup (Apr 22, 2011)

I agree with the spying, this is a clearly appropriate time to do that; don't let her know what you're up to. I also agree she isn't acting like a cheater, except for the few red flags of "I don't want you to leave me" but she might feel that you would leave her/ never would have married her for simply having herpes. The one thing I would consider is if it's possible she cheated with a woman. It does happen.


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

I don't agree with spying. If you get caught spying you are the jerk.
SHe said she will do ANYTHING.... why not take her up on that by asking her to take the Lie Detector.


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## Danny Boy (May 25, 2011)

So I got my test back for type 1. It came back as exposure in the past. It's completely plausible in my mind that I gave it to her. I still have a docs appointment to follow up and am going to corner the doc on the likelihood of some of the possible scenarios (probably won't get anything definitive though). I've NEVER had an outbreak that I know of and some people go through their entire lives and never know they have it. Both my sister and brother get the mouth sores. All it takes is a shared fork, plate, drink etc. Could have been when I was a kid. Could have been more recent. Who knows? Never had mouth sores or anything though. As far as where it came from, could be my x, her x, my family, her family or if she cheated. We've had several very frank conversations about the possibilities and about my anxiety (I have terrible, terrible anxiety). Her stories are still consistent and as I said before she hasn't gotten that angry offensive snap she gets when I do catch her lying. The crying and fear has stopped but she has been super, super sweet and always wanting to tell me how much she loves me (way more than she used to). I agree. Spying at this point is no good. Definitely makes me a jerk, if not "the" jerk. Our conversations went well and we are talking about counseling anyway to see if we can help with my anxiety about the whole thing. I'm happy with it for now. Thanks for all your advice everyone.


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## Danny Boy (May 25, 2011)

No polygraphs. Not admissible in court, therefore not admissible in my marriage. Although I did have to take one for my job I think they are utter bull$#!t.


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

It's not the polygraph itself that gives you your proof. It's her willingness or unwillingness to take it. Putting it to bed quickly is better for your marriage than your endless stressing anxiously about plausible scenarios. You will do more harm to your marriage and sex life by acting all wussy and dragging this out than anything else.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

She banged some dude at the concert and got herpes.

if it walks like a duck and swims like a duck then it also f---- like one too.


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

chillymorn said:


> She banged some dude at the concert and got herpes.
> 
> if it walks like a duck and swims like a duck then it also f---- like one too.


If it's Herpes Simplex 1, this isn't very likely, so don't go getting the OP all riled up. Herpes Simplex 1 is the kind that causes cold sores. Some people never ever get cold sores, but could still have the virus. You can also transfer the virus to other areas of your body. My H and kids all get cold sores. I have the virus too - who knows when I was exposed - from them or when I was a kid. I've never gotten a cold sore ever.

I don't think you can jump to a conclusion about cheating when you're talking Herpes Simplex 1. Up to 80% of the population carry anti-bodies to the virus indicating previous exposure.

OP - Look to her other actions. If there's nothing indicating that she could be cheating, other than your own insecurities and anxiety, then let it go and move on. To do otherwise, is just going to create more anxiety and distrust in your relationship.

God Bless.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

Enchantment said:


> If it's Herpes Simplex 1, this isn't very likely, so don't go getting the OP all riled up. Herpes Simplex 1 is the kind that causes cold sores. Some people never ever get cold sores, but could still have the virus. You can also transfer the virus to other areas of your body. My H and kids all get cold sores. I have the virus too - who knows when I was exposed - from them or when I was a kid. I've never gotten a cold sore ever.
> 
> I don't think you can jump to a conclusion about cheating when you're talking Herpes Simplex 1. Up to 80% of the population carry anti-bodies to the virus indicating previous exposure.
> 
> ...


I stand by my comment.

she had all the ammo to defuse this with the internet searches about how it can lay dormant and so forth I smell a rat.

if the OP would rather bury his head and ignor the red flags then he can just ignor my post.


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## jayde (Jun 17, 2011)

chillymorn said:


> I stand by my comment.


Forget the polygraph. Chilly's got a crystalball to figure out exactly what happened.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

jayde said:


> Forget the polygraph. Chilly's got a crystalball to figure out exactly what happened.


no crystal ball just common sense


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

I think the docs and the tests just show it is just surfacing now.

I don't think it's cheating. I do think that some people have been hurt badly by cheating so they jump to that conclusion.

My step mother had HepC (which took her life) but it didn't surface for over 15 years! She was a drug user before she was a mother and the doctors said it can lay dormant for years. Luckily my dad didn't have it. So peculiar. No one questioned her fidelity. She was a good woman.


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

chillymorn said:


> no crystal ball just common sense


And an M.D as well apparently.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

that_girl said:


> I think the docs and the tests just show it is just surfacing now.
> 
> I don't think it's cheating. I do think that some people have been hurt badly by cheating so they jump to that conclusion.
> 
> My step mother had HepC (which took her life) but it didn't surface for over 15 years! She was a drug user before she was a mother and the doctors said it can lay dormant for years. Luckily my dad didn't have it. So peculiar. No one questioned her fidelity. She was a good woman.


No it don't no test can tell when you got infected.

just the type. and she could have got infected at the concert.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

Therealbrighteyes said:


> And an M.D as well apparently.


time will tell .

If I was a betting man I know what way I would bet.


My point is If it were me I would be very suspicious and I would advise him to start digging.

If the op is happy with the whole thing then good for him.


as for the people on here that have to give snide comments when someone post a different view point all I got to say is if you don't like my posts just ignor them. I don't really care for comments from others that are just mad because my opinion may differ.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

chillymorn said:


> No it don't no test can tell when you got infected.
> 
> just the type. and she could have got infected at the concert.


Right, but there is doubt when it could have happened. 15 years ago or last week...ya know?

I don't know...I guess he'll figure it out for himself.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

I know of a case where the latent period for the virus was 12 full years.

It's unusual, but not impossible.


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## CH (May 18, 2010)

Before this, she's irritable, snaps at you, makes things all your fault if you questioned her.

After finding out about having herpes, after going to a concert, she's crying, afraid you might leave and is the nicest person in the entire world to you again.

If my wife got tested and came back positive the 1st thing she would say (if she knew she didn't do anything) is you *bleep*, *bleep*, you gave me this....

Not, omg don't leave me, I didn't do anything and then turn from the wicked witch of the west to a darling princess overnight.

Maybe nothing happened but her total change in behavior speaks volumes IMO, she's feeling remorse and guilt!

If you need peace of mind, get the polygraph test. If not, it's gonna be in the back of your mind and everytime she's late, out with the girls again your mind is gonna screw you up so badly as the years go by.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

chillymorn said:


> No it don't no test can tell when you got infected.
> 
> just the type. and she could have got infected at the concert.


Wrong again. If she got it cheating a short time ago, she had an acute primary herpes type I infection; if it is reactivation after a primary infection it is recurrent. Each has a signature pattern antibody titer.

In an acute infection, IgM predominate, in recurrent IgG is predominate. 

Danny boy ask the physician to do antibody titers to the virus for you and your wife. You can also ask to have the virus typed to see if you are both infected with the same strain. 

Both pieces of information can tell you a great deal. 

If you both have high IgM and the same strain then it is probably a recent infection for both. If you think she got infected at the concert, you would have had to have sex with her in order to have gotten your acute disease from her.

If you both have recurrent or long-standing infections with the same strain, she did not cheat at the concert.

I think there are 16 possible combinations of ABs and strains but those are probably the two most likely outcomes. 

This is much more fruitful than a polygraph test. You can share with the Doc why you need to do the test and take it from there. 

Since you are infected I suspect it is chronic for both of you but for your peace of mind I would get the virus typed and Ab titers determined.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

cheatinghubby said:


> Before this, she's irritable, snaps at you, makes things all your fault if you questioned her.
> 
> After finding out about having herpes, after going to a concert, she's crying, afraid you might leave and is the nicest person in the entire world to you again.
> 
> ...


:iagree::iagree::iagree:

Nevertheless Danny boy, you'd be wise to follow Catherine62's advice regarding a physician doing antibody titers to the virus for you and your wife.


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## CLucas976 (Jun 27, 2010)

cheatinghubby said:


> Before this, she's irritable, snaps at you, makes things all your fault if you questioned her.
> 
> After finding out about having herpes, after going to a concert, she's crying, afraid you might leave and is the nicest person in the entire world to you again.
> 
> ...


This is an excellent point. A few years ago when I was engaged I went to the dr.s for a UTI. I knew what it was, I had just waited too long to take otc meds and have them be effective.

He told me, that he thought I had herpes, and did not know what I was talking about, it wasn't a uti and to come back when the uti meds didn't work for blood testing.

My reaction was instant rage. Rage at the treatment, and and the fact that my beloved "fiance" who had stated previously he'd been tested for everything could possibly have transferred this to me. (since he's only the 2nd person I've ever been with)

fast forward to now, Mr. Lovey the stbx is now the reason I have to go through all of those tests. Because to start with, his "faithful" behavior has already given me two infections and he's still the only person I've been with in 6 years. (the first being a virgin)

His behavior never added up, neither did his stories, but I always left it alone thinking our discussions had really helped things and that it was just my own suspicions. 

I'm not trying to be a rain cloud, because the fear of having a disease like that is overwhelming..but I wouldn't completely write it off yet. I'd go with the suggested testing for starters.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

morituri said:


> :iagree::iagree::iagree:
> 
> Nevertheless Danny boy, you'd be wise to follow Catherine62's advice regarding a physician doing antibody titers to the virus for you and your wife.


There are very few things in life that I think someone "must do".

This would be one of those things.

If you don't, you will ALWAYS wonder.

It will corrode your relationship.


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## sprinter (Jul 25, 2011)

First of all, let's clear some things up. Herpes Simplex 1 and 2 both cause cold sores. A cold sore or fever blister is the same thing whether it's on your mouth or your genitals. HSV2 generally only infects the genitals, though there are a small percentage of cases where it infects the mouth. HSV1 is far more prolific. It can infect just about anywhere. In fact, many cases of genital herpes are actually HSV1. That innocent "cold sore" can pass to your genitals.

Now the hard facts. Far more people have herpes than don't. The infection rate is about 70-75%, with about 20% or so being genital. Most people don't know they have it and are asymptomatic. You can go through life and never have an outbreak. However, stress can make the virus wake up. It's true that typically you will have an outbreak shortly after exposure but you can also have herpes your whole life and one day have an outbreak. In that respect, it can be hard to know when and where you got it and isn't necessarily indicative of an affair (look for other signs).

In the grand scheme of things, it's not a big deal unless you're a woman who's pregnant and symptomatic during birth. Otherwise, it's a part of most people's life whether they know it or not. If you're one to battle colds and have a weak immune system, you'll like be symptomatic. If you have symptoms there are a couple of antivirals available that can suppress the virus and help prevent infection of your partner.

I wanted to dispel the myth that one is an STD and the other is "just a cold sore."


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