# My husband called out a woman from his past name in sleep help!



## regretfullyhis (Aug 12, 2012)

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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

I'm a bit confused. When you originally posted back in 2012, you claimed your husband was addicted to pain killers. Was that husband #2? Or is husband #3 suffering from multiple addictions?


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## regretfullyhis (Aug 12, 2012)

X


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Does your current husband work any type of program to maintain his sobriety?

I don't think your husband calling out another woman's name in his sleep should be bothering you.

However, I do wonder why you marry addicts. Maybe you want to save them from themselves or feel compelled to "fix" them.

Another question - Do you or your current husband have any young children at home?


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## StarFires (Feb 27, 2018)

regretfullyhis said:


> (I could write an entire different question about why men sleep with women they say they don’t even find attractive but will still have sex with them and more than once because my thing is if I don’t like someone or am attractive to them and especially if the sex is very bad I wouldn’t continue doing the same thing over and over again. In a way that’s a definition of insanity-doing the same thing over and over but expecting a different outcome/result- is it not?)


I don't understand much of what you are saying, especially to be so superficial over women you think are uglier than you. Only women care about that kind of silliness. Guys don't ordinarily see beauty or ugliness in the same way that women do. 

But this statement above is baffling. He didn't expect a different result. He expected the same results that he always got, which was to enjoy having sex with her. That's why he did it over and over again. You also can't believe everything your husband tells you. He's more than likely lying to spare your feelings. If she is fat, he still liked it. He didn't find her ugly and he didn't always do it from behind so as not to look at her. He liked that woman and that's all. You said he watches porn with you too. You also said he can't cum except with oral, so what does that tell you? You should put 2 and 2 together.



regretfullyhis said:


> I am NOT so immature that I blame him or am even upset he dreamt about someone else because NO one can control their dreams.


You said that but you don't seem to believe yourself. Consider that you haven't spent your life with a recorder going while you sleep. There is no likelihood you never dreamed of someone from your past, a former lover, your family members, someone you knew or encountered. You don't know if you ever spoke in your sleep or called your mom's name or your ex husband's name. And it is extremely unlikely that was the one and only time he was erect while sleeping. He probably has many such dreams. You heard her name and saw his erection. But usually you are sleeping when he is sleeping, no? So you haven't had reason to notice if he had a hard on in the middle of every night. 

You also can't know if he might have been faking sleep and did that on purpose. Some people live on creating drama and jealousy in their partner. You just never know. And that's your answer. It really isn't anything for you to dwell on or be so bothered about.


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## regretfullyhis (Aug 12, 2012)

I deleted it as apparently my point of saying I wasn’t mad about him saying her name since no one controls their dreams didn’t click, I also pointed out HIM making such a huge deal about her looks was why I was questioning him saying and pointing out him doing it many times was confusing since he made such a point to not only me but his brother and friends about not being attracted to her PLUS i made a point saying how I made sure she knew when she told me about their past how he hurt her feelings I totally defended her and expressed how I told her and him she def didn’t deserve that from him or anyone was overlooked. I don’t have kids at hone mine are 19 and 23 in college my second husband had smaller kids and since I divorced him moved to another state I try to se them if I can when I go to that state to visit other family. 
I am not shallow or base crap in looks I was trying to see if maybe weather it was her name or anyone’s name and weather it was me my husband or some other poster if that happens is it possible in our subconscious we have unfinished business with the person we speak of in our sleep. But obviously I should t be on here or post a question since my points are read thoroughly so I x’d it out and won’t come here again. My apologies.


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## StarFires (Feb 27, 2018)

Aw don't get twisted. I didn't mean any offense. I think you gave way too much information, but you not only told about him making a big deal of it, you expressed your own views about ugly and fat women too and compared yourself to them with full details of your weight and height. And also commented about thinking men traded up and it wasn't understandable for them to go from perfect women to ugly or fat ones. I'm paraphrasing, but that the gist of what you said and the idea you conveyed. I commented on it because, like I said, women are the ones who make such a superficial big deal about that stuff to let you know men don't really see women the same way women see each other. But really, the whole matter was to suggest you put 2&2 together and see that he's not telling the truth of how he felt. He enjoyed her despite proclaiming differently, but that his dream and those circumstances were nothing to worry about or try to figure out, or he did it on purpose just to rile you, which is also nothing to worry about.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

I've never seen such looooooooooooong incomprehensible run-on sentences in my life, and with half the posts gone, it's that much harder to understand what it is the OP is trying to convey.

From other's replies in this thread, I've surmised that the OP's husband called out an ex's name in his sleep. Apparently, he's always claimed he found this ex completely 'unattractive' and that the sex with the ex was unsatisfactory (oh brother), so the OP is wondering why on earth he'd be calling this unattractive, bad in bed, fat woman's name out in his sleep.

And because she didn't get the answers she wanted to hear, she's stomped off in a huff.

Does that about sum it up?


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## FieryHairedLady (Mar 24, 2011)

I am missing half the thread too! 

I dream about my ex husband on occasion. I call those nightmares.

Seriously, no joke.


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## StarFires (Feb 27, 2018)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> I've never seen such looooooooooooong incomprehensible run-on sentences in my life, and with half the posts gone, it's that much harder to understand what it is the OP is trying to convey.
> 
> From other's replies in this thread, I've surmised that the OP's husband called out an ex's name in his sleep. Apparently, he's always claimed he found this ex completely 'unattractive' and that the sex with the ex was unsatisfactory (oh brother), so the OP is wondering why on earth he'd be calling this unattractive, bad in bed, fat woman's name out in his sleep.
> 
> ...


How wise and observant you are.


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## StarFires (Feb 27, 2018)

FieryHairedLady said:


> I am missing half the thread too!
> 
> I dream about my ex husband on occasion. I call those nightmares.
> 
> Seriously, no joke.


LOL


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

regretfullyhis said:


> I am not shallow or base crap in looks I was trying to see if maybe weather it was her name or anyone’s name and weather it was me my husband or some other poster if that happens is it possible in our subconscious we have unfinished business with the person we speak of in our sleep. But obviously I should t be on here or post a question since my points are read thoroughly so I x’d it out and won’t come here again. My apologies.


We all have unfinished business. It's just how minds work. I left by abusive ex-fiance 40 years ago and I still think about him from time to time. Doesn't mean I'd ever go near him again. Usually when someone worries about what their spouse is doing re: a former partner, it's due to that someone's low self esteem. Almost every time, in fact. So I'd advise that, instead of wasting time worrying about whether your husband really wants someone else, find a good therapist and ask him/her to start helping you work on learning to love yourself. Because, once you DO love yourself, such things will seem silly and irrelevant, because you will KNOW that you're valuable and desirable and he would be silly to choose someone else over you.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

*Moderator Note:*

As the OP has deleted her first posts in her thread, this thread is now closed for further replies.


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