# Affection porn



## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

I'll stare with a definition and an example, hoping to find out what the rest of you kind folks do in this regard. 

Memsters Unabridged Dictionary defines this term as follows:

Affection porn: Physical contact which produces intense feelings of intimacy without an explicitly sexual theme. 

I'll start.

Front to back full body melt: 
1. M2 knows I am present. This prevents a startle reflex. Spiking someone's blood pressure is hostile to any type of affection porn. 
2. Right hand gently comes to rest on the side of her right shoulder.
3. After a brief moment right hand slowly moves forward as wrist, and arm gently slide over her shoulder - this lets her know I am coming closer.
4. Left hand is just a moment behind.
5. She slowly leans back as I am coming forward.
6. Our bodies gently come together and my arms are now fully wrapped round her as she melts back into me. 
7. I deeply inhale the scent of her neck and her hair 
8. The whole time my body whispers to her: I love you, I crave you, I'll protect you, You Are MINE. 
9. And hers whispers back: I trust you, I love you, I submit to you, I am YOURS. 
10. And for just a moment, the physical boundaries of our corporeal selves blur and fade and there is just one.


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## xakulax (Feb 9, 2014)

Yeah when I think porn affection doesn't come to mind I like my porn hot, nasty and with plenty of naughty nurse or naughty maid or Cop or you know what just anything naughty!!!


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## over20 (Nov 15, 2013)

This kind of porn is in women's romance novel scenes quite often...no not 50 shades of grey..LOL


MEM...why don't you consider writing her some affection porn, using your names, fav positions, and memories shared. I am sure she would love it.


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## sparkyjim (Sep 22, 2012)

I am going to try this next time with the wife....

I have read some good porn - and this is right up there with them...

But really, couples have to have this kind of connection also. It is not all sparks and saliva all the time. We need to have this slow burn kind of affection to sustain the connection.


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## over20 (Nov 15, 2013)

sparkyjim said:


> I am going to try this next time with the wife....
> 
> I have read some good porn - and this is right up there with them...
> 
> But really, couples have to have this kind of connection also. It is not all sparks and saliva all the time. We need to have this slow burn kind of affection to sustain the connection.


:iagree:

I have recently found I like this...we have only tried it once and it really built up the anticipation for me....he remembered things I thought he forgot......it brought me closer to him mentally and then sexually.....I was the porn star.....I was really aroused...We did it last weekend when we were both home.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Over20,
Tell you why I started this thread. 

Every guy on TAM who has sustained a strong long term sexual connection is really good at affection. They all know how to touch their wives in a way that feels good. 

My belief - if you don't have this - when anything interrupts the LD spouses lust - sex drastically reduces. 




over20 said:


> This kind of porn is in women's romance
> novel scenes quite often...no not 50 shades of grey..LOL
> 
> 
> MEM...why don't you consider writing her some affection porn, using your names, fav positions, and memories shared. I am sure she would love it.


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## over20 (Nov 15, 2013)

You are correct MEM. Be very proud of yourself that you know this about your wife. I am sure she responds very well to you.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

There is just something about your man coming up behind you for affection. I can't figure it out but man oh man does it push my buttons!

Sitting at the vanity, brushing out my hair, I see him come up behind me and it looks as if he is going to reach across me for a tissue. Instead he brushes my hair away from my neck and leans down for a kiss.

Trying to get a cake pan from the high up pantry shelf, I feel his hand start at my shoulder and follow the oath upward to where my hand is trying to grasp the pan. He goes beyond my finger tips and reaches the pan for me.

And the old stand by, bending over to put away a pot and he ...oh never mind.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

Is it hot in here? 

This is the sort of stuff I dream about. It was entirely absent from my marriage, having disappeared from the relationship pretty directly after we returned from the honeymoon. My wildest fantasy is to have a relationship with a man who knows there's a difference between affection and sex, and believes me when I say I need _both_.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Rowan,
Right at the end of year one together, I groped M2 for the thousandth time. I still remember that moment, 24 years ago.

I hate it when you grope me. (Said with the time of voice and facial expression that are the typical precursors to a homicide)

I flipped the switch and that was that. Non sexual affection is great. It's an end to itself. M2 sometimes turns it into something more. But I really don't expect her to. And she knows that. 




Rowan said:


> Is it hot in here?
> 
> This is the sort of stuff I dream about. It was entirely absent from my marriage, having disappeared from the relationship pretty directly after we returned from the honeymoon. My wildest fantasy is to have a relationship with a man who knows there's a difference between affection and sex, and believes me when I say I need _both_.


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## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

MEM11363 said:


> I flipped the switch and that was that. Non sexual affection is great. It's an end to itself. M2 sometimes turns it into something more. But I really don't expect her to. And she knows that.


I have come to the conclusion that there are three categories that my wife needs and wants:

*Non-sexual affection* - the type your described that includes those light touches, whispers and the like;

*Sexual affection* - the touches that lead right into sex; and

*No-sex sexual affection* - the sexual touches that can't be acted upon but that show her that I desire and want her. The light touches that stimulate her erogenous zones as I leave for work, or when we are ready to sit down for dinner. They keep up the sexual tension through the day and help her get in the mood.

My wife was very clear with me that she needs all of these, but particularly the latter.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Tall Man,

That's very good. That's a perfect categorization. 

I don't do enough of the last one. 




Tall Average Guy said:


> I have come to the conclusion that there are three categories that my wife needs and wants:
> 
> *Non-sexual affection* - the type your described that includes those light touches, whispers and the like;
> 
> ...


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

MEM11363 said:


> Memsters Unabridged Dictionary defines this term as follows:
> 
> *Affection porn: Physical contact which produces intense feelings of intimacy without an explicitly sexual theme. *
> 
> ...


 H has always given me THIS sort of affection...

His #1 love language is physical Touch... even if it didn't lead to sex...he still enjoyed it.. another thing he would do is ...anytime I am near...he'd run his fingers through my hair .. for hours watching a movie together, his hands up & down my arms..while I am leaning into him or laying on him... goodness! It's always made me feel very loved, cared for, wanted....feeling we are "one"... even if nothing is said....it's Understood...

You say "your body whispers to her".. and her's whispers to you...many times an exchange like that will be when he comes home from work, he looks for me for to put his arms around ...sometimes he'll tell me about a song he heard at work & he was thinking of me... 

You mentioned Groping your wife.. my husband has never done this in our past.. that I can recall... too gentlemanly I guess...I've had to tell him -it's his duty when I walk past to grab my a$$.. do you know how ridiculous that is !! ...Funny how life is.. so now I am the enthusiastic Groper..... he brings the affection..... I eat it up... these moments carry our emotional connection ....which in turn helps ME to unleash the erotic onto him...it's a great feedback loop!


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## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

SimplyAmorous said:


> You mentioned Groping your wife.. my husband has never done this in our past.. that I can recall... too gentlemanly I guess...I've had to tell him -*it's his duty when I walk past to grab my a$$.. *do you know how ridiculous that is !! ...Funny how life is.. so now I am the enthusiastic Groper..... he brings the affection..... I eat it up... these moments carry our emotional connection ....which in turn helps ME to unleash the erotic onto him...it's a great feedback loop!


I laugh at this because you and my wife apparently have been talking. She is actually disappointed if I don't cop a feel when we pass each other in the kitchen. This goes to my third category. It is very important to my wife and the area where I first neglect. 

I will say it is also the most difficult to get right. Balancing how to show desire and want in a sexually appealing way without spilling into mauling her and making it all about my needs.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

Tall Average Guy said:


> I have come to the conclusion that there are three categories that my wife needs and wants:
> 
> *Non-sexual affection* - the type your described that includes those light touches, whispers and the like;
> 
> ...


This makes plenty of sense, and I need all three as well, in differing amounts. 


Not sure why the word porn needs to be added to affection, though, MEM. For some reason, your calling it affection porn is irritating to me. Maybe because I don't associate porn with affection.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Nora,
I struggled with a label. 

Was trying to convey the idea that - this was about affection that creates an intense reaction. 

I see a lot of folks engaging in - empty ritual. Saying ILY at the end of phone calls, at night, etc. They do this despite it being obvious their partner doesn't love them. Quick peck kisses - etc. 

Those things can be harmless. But when the marriage is broken they actually are part of a facade. 

This stuff - that I refer to in here. You could fake it, if you were a trained spy. But for normal folk. It represents the real deal. 




norajane said:


> This makes plenty of sense, and I need all three as well, in differing amounts.
> 
> 
> Not sure why the word porn needs to be added to affection, though, MEM. For some reason, your calling it affection porn is irritating to me. Maybe because I don't associate porn with affection.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Tall Average Guy said:


> I laugh at this because you and my wife apparently have been talking. She is actually disappointed if I don't cop a feel when we pass each other in the kitchen. This goes to my third category. It is very important to my wife and the area where I first neglect.
> 
> I will say it is also the most difficult to get right. Balancing how to show desire and want in a sexually appealing way without spilling into mauling her and making it all about my needs.


There is no balance to be had with me.. not in Mid Life...I wish he was a 20 yr old horny octopus needing it 3 times a day...let me die & go to heaven please...but that ship has sailed.... so whatever I can get out of him... dirty as it can be.. I'm gonna take it !

Even if I'm not feeling it , I would still JUMP! He knows this!



> *MEM11363 said* : Nora,
> I struggled with a label.
> 
> Was trying to convey the idea that - this was about affection that creates an intense reaction.
> ...


I believe couples can fall into this too, though I can't understand how they do it...

I can not say things I don't mean and my facial expressions give me away....he always knows when something is stirring....I have never uttered "I love you" when it was not heart felt.. I'd be more apt to say "I'm not happy right now... and I really need to talk to you "..... 

I really don't think he has ever done this either, he'd be more prone to get "silent"......still be nice , kind, but just not as "free", as open verbally...a little reserved....he'd want his silence/ pushing away ... to irritate me in this instance.. some of this was happening in our past, but I was too clueless to catch on...

It would have been better for him to just tell me what was on his mind!


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## Lyris (Mar 29, 2012)

Tall Average Guy said:


> I have come to the conclusion that there are three categories that my wife needs and wants:
> 
> *Non-sexual affection* - the type your described that includes those light touches, whispers and the like;
> 
> ...



I need all of these but it's the third that i miss most if it's gone


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## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

Lyris said:


> I need all of these but it's the third that i miss most if it's gone


It took me a long time to understand this. Initially, I focused on the first, as I wanted to avoid making her feel it was all about sex. What turned things around for me was equating it to the feelings I get when she is pursuing me. Feeling wanted on a physical level is a good feeling. Receiving that from your partner is important in feeling sexual with them. 

But for the longest time, I did not get that she needed that from me. Definitely my loss during that time.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Porn is meant to be stimulating. This thread is also meant to be stimulating. Porn fits, IMO. 

TAG, excellent categories. No sex sexual affection has to be heavy on the affection playful side. I hope men world wide read this thread!


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Tall Man,
Truly you are one of the most insightful posters on this board. 




Tall Average Guy said:


> It took me a long time to understand this. Initially, I focused on the first, as I wanted to avoid making her feel it was all about sex. What turned things around for me was equating it to the feelings I get when she is pursuing me. Feeling wanted on a physical level is a good feeling. Receiving that from your partner is important in feeling sexual with them.
> 
> But for the longest time, I did not get that she needed that from me. Definitely my loss during that time.


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