# Love VS Sex



## being the best me (Apr 25, 2011)

I am a married male (41) and i love my wife (38) more than anything. we have been married 17 years together 21 and have 4 kids.

I was wondering who other people feel about love vs. sex? I know being a male physical intimacy is how males project love and a female prefers talking and cuddling than the intimacy follows and i do understand it.

I also am pretty extreme when it come to making love to my wife anything goes. After we are finished i feel this incredable closeness and need to hold her all night and the next days into weeks i love her more than anything. 

What do you guys think, is there a difference between the 2 or they both the same?


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## Oregondaddy (Feb 10, 2012)

personally I think they are like links in a chain.. one connects the other


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## Mistys dad (Dec 2, 2011)

You can have sex without love, but you can't have love without sex.


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## Aggie (Sep 5, 2012)

Mistys dad said:


> You can have sex without love, but you can't have love without sex.


:iagree:

I couldn't have said it better and more concisely.


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## KathyBatesel (Apr 26, 2012)

Mistys dad said:


> You can have sex without love, but you can't have love without sex.


Not true.


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## suesmith (Jan 5, 2012)

Mistys dad said:


> You can have sex without love, but you can't have love without sex.


Not true.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

If I didn't have sex (amorous desire in action ) with my Love- expressing these heightened feelings in the physcial -if this was taken from our union... I believe my capacity for Love would slowly dry up... because I am a sexual being who so wants to express deeply in this way, and to recieve.... just as my husband...

So maybe some can have Love without sex (this doesn't have to mean intercourse) but for this couple, that = roommatism... passion-less, desire-less. 

The physical intimacy of what we call sex is ...well... vital to sustaining a happy & very fullfilling marriage....for many.


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## ShawnD (Apr 2, 2012)

being the best me said:


> I also am pretty extreme when it come to making love to my wife anything goes. After we are finished i feel this incredable closeness and need to hold her all night and the next days into weeks i love her more than anything.
> 
> What do you guys think, is there a difference between the 2 or they both the same?


Normal people don't see much distinction between love and sex. The two are very closely related, and sex brings people closer together due to releases of things like oxytocin in the brain. The people who can completely disconnect love and sex are very likely to be psychopaths. That lack of feeling close to someone after sex is a sign that the brain is seriously damaged.
oxytocin and psychopathy


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

Mistys dad said:


> You can have sex without love, but you can't have love without sex.


 This is true for me!

Since our sex life dried up a few years ago, I don't feel the same about my husband. I don't get butterflies for him, i don't think about him all the time. I just don't feel the same. (It is kind of hard for me to explain) I don't have that connection with him,like i used to. I love him, but I am not in love with him, so to speak. Some days I don't even like him. 

I think that if our sex life was much better and more fulfilling for me I wouldn't feel this way. It is really hard to love someone who doesn't meet your needs.


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## Aggie (Sep 5, 2012)

Mistys dad said:


> You can have sex without love, but you can't have love without sex.


For the people who say this is wrong:

For our purposes, lets say that there are 2 types of love: "Romantic love," and "True love".

Romantic love is what many people call infatuation. It is much more prevalent during the beginning of relationships. After you get over that "honeymoon" phase, Romantic love starts taking the backseat. Yes, you can still have Romantic love after a while, but it isn't as steady as it was before.

True love... I can't explain it but I'm sure you know what I'm talking about.

Both of these are backed up scientifically. When you are infatuated with someone, you are getting hit with neurochemicals that have the same effect of a small dose of LSD. When you are in true love with someone, you still get those "feel-good" nuerochemicals, but for the most part, isn't nearly as strong. You can tell the different types of "love" by looking at brain scans. True love and infatuation simply do not light up the same areas of the brain.

For women, there is not strong enough evidence to support that true love comes after sex. However, for men, there is strong evidence to support that the "True Love" neurological pathways do not get active until after sex. AKA, for men, true love _almost always_ happens after "Romantic Love" and lust synchronize through sex.

Sources:

My main source is _The Male Brain_ by Louanne Brizendine. Her book has 8 primary sources of scientific studies that support this concept.


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## KathyBatesel (Apr 26, 2012)

It's possible to enjoy sex without feeling love for someone. It's possible to love someone without it being sexual. It may not be the same, but it can and does happen. 

I loved my ex, but after he betrayed me, our sex life dried up completely. We were still best friends who enjoyed our time together, and there is no way to call what was there anything but "love." Yes, it was different, and just *how* different probably differs for different people.


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

ShawnD said:


> Normal people don't see much distinction between love and sex. The two are very closely related, and sex brings people closer together due to releases of things like oxytocin in the brain. The people who can completely disconnect love and sex are very likely to be psychopaths. That lack of feeling close to someone after sex is a sign that the brain is seriously damaged.
> oxytocin and psychopathy


Then all prostitutes are psychopaths? And all the people who visit prostitutes are also psychopaths? What about ONS.... all those people are psychopaths too?

Edited to add: Sometimes people have sex for reasons other than love, or even "like".


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

I am sure that some people don't need sex to love someone..

For me it is bonding (just like it is for a man) It helps me feel closer to someone. It builds a connection with that person. Granted i can have sex with someone and not feel anything for them. Sex is so much better when you love someone.


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