# my hubby finally decided to give our marriage a try again...now what?



## angelstarnash8567

We have appointment for tues. for marriage counselor with a pastor. He finally told me a couple days ago that he wants start fixing our marriage. He finally hug me and kiss me. I just dont know how I feel anymore. I have back off and put my wall up and now I am confused about my feelings. I am scare. I dont want him changing his mind again. He had his mind made up this time we were about to separated. I was about to lawyer and everything. I had plans to move back in with my mom. I just havent got reassurance from him I think. He just thinks we are most to go back the way things were and hang out like everything is fine. He sit in front of tv like before I fix breakfast and serve him because he works. I am stay home mom. But it aint like he is being mean about it. I like doing those kind of things for him. I just all confuse really. How all of sudden his change of heart. He been telling he still loves me as a person and mother to his child. He didnt know if he in love with me so now that he change to fix our marriage does that mean he is still in love with me. I just dont know what to do next. The stress of we arent making the bills that we might be losing the house soon. I hoping after the holidays I get a phone call. I been putting applications in for a job part time at least our daughter is 4 so someone has take care of her still. Our daughter made a comment out of blue today we were hanging out with some friends today and she says mommy and daddy isnt together. I just dont know anymore. I going on and on. I better quiet down. If someone really takes time to read this I appreciate. I been praying hard...God has answer my prayers. Now what....


----------



## anx

Continent to pray hard. My mc story is in my profile. You both will have to work hard in mc. You both need to figure out how you feel. I very strongly feel that love and marriage are a verb first and a feeling second. When two people are serving and loving the other through actions, the rest comes naturally. That being said, a good working friendship and similarities help.

It's don't to protect yourself from emotional hurt. It does take some time to rebuild trust. But love always hopes and trusts. 

You can do this. 

It's probably not a sudden change of heart. Loneliness gives a great opportunity to evaluate what matters and the love that's been covered up under arguements, sadness, hurt, neglect, and whatever else.

I wish you the best of luck and God bless. Just go day by day and show love, hope, etc until you really feel it well up in you.


----------



## the guy

Putting the walls up and distancing your self was a great move (good job). It gave your H a taste of what it will be like with out you. What you did works alot. poeple want what they don't have, so again good job. I'm glad it worked for you even though it sounds like you did it for some other reason other then what I mentioned.

Now that he's back the both of you need to take a hard look at why you marriage was so problematice in the first place. Going back to when it all started (the resentment) and finding what the both of you did when you both stopped being each others best friend.

This is so important, learning why something happened and facing it will give the both of you the ammo in preventing it from happening again. So many years ago somethings happened and it just snowed balled to were the both of you are at now.

Good luck and trust me, once you figure out were and how it all went wrong it helps in preventing those bad behaviors you and him had in the past.


----------



## heart

I think this is the ultimate fear. When you move towards trying to work through the marriage problems, there is the potential for a certain amount of anger and distrust. What I am trying to do right now with all that has happened is to have "real love" for him. To know that his actions and his words right now are coming from a place where he has not felt loved. I know that I love him and I know that I have tried to show him love but he has not FELT my love. My husband and I rarely argue and for all appearances we seemed like we had the perfect marriage..... until he told me he was miserable. I know that this is not all me and it is not all you but we do have to take responsibility for not finding a way to extend love. I may be simplifying it but I honestly think when you feel loved a lot of the other small stuff becomes small stuff. When you love with an open heart you can begin really communicating about the other things. Know that your love is real and see if you can't go together to marriage counseling but begin by showing him real love and forgiveness if you want to work on this.


----------



## cisco7931

It is normal to put up your walls with what you have gone through. 

The fact that he is telling you that he loves you as a person and as a mother to his child definitely means something. Put down some of the weight from your shoulders for you to be able to think straight. He is willing to change from what I understand, so I don't see a reason why this would be difficult for you. 

Your kid is definitely impacted by this and I feel for you since I am in the same situation. But your kid should NEVER be the only reason why you want this to work. 

I wish you the best. Continue praying, He will hear you and silently guide you and your family on the right path...


----------



## karajh

My husband and I were separated for a year in 2009. No infidelity, just stupidity on his part. He left me with no job because I was a SAHM, I was lucky that I had education and a background at work and could get a job. I still ended up losing my house and having to move back in with my Parents. We were married for 7 years at the time. I can honestly say that even now 2 years after being back together, that it still crosses my mind that he might leave. I have just come to the conclusion that I made it the first time, and I could make it again. It is nice to have a marriage, but we are not going to die without it. Just my opinion. I hope everything works out for you.


----------



## jnyu44

I don't know what you're going through, but it sounds like you have earned the right to decide whether or not you want to give him another chance.

Something changes in a woman once she realizes that one day the relationship could end. I messed this up. At one time in my marriage, my wife didn't even give a seconds thought to the possibility that we could divorce some day. Then I ruined it and now it's on her mind often. 

Your husband did to you what I did to my wife in this sense. Ball is in your court. The odds are against you guys making it as a couple, but you sounds like a strong woman and I think you could do it if you tried very very hard. Prepare to be resentful for a long time though and prepare for it being hard.


----------

