# Is this true?



## stephscarlett (Sep 2, 2015)

So, a couple splits up, both age 50. Odds of each marrying again? I heard it's much more difficult for the woman. Hubby is very good looking, prestigious job, has money. Me - he said if we weren't married I could have a "physical" relationship with anyone. WTH? 
This is scary to me. And I like being married. It IS one of the reasons I stay married, albeit a small one. 
Ugh.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

There are actually a lot of single men in that age group.

Finding a good one is harder.

Men in their fifties don't have it super easy either.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Lostme (Nov 14, 2014)

I think it is hard at any age that wants a real relationship regardless of age.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

I think there are odds about like any other age
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Naku (May 26, 2013)

People try to ignore it, but I'm sure you can feel it's true. I was just talking with a coworker who has a date with the cheerleader who wouldn't give him the time of day back in high school. I never had so much female attention as when I passed 45. The thing is that men generally are not looking to trade up, even when they can. The relationship usually has to be sexless or otherwise unbearable. So you needn't be paranoid simply because he could remarry if he wanted to.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

stephscarlett said:


> So, a couple splits up, both age 50. Odds of each marrying again? I heard it's much more difficult for the woman. Hubby is very good looking, prestigious job, has money. Me - he said if we weren't married I could have a "physical" relationship with anyone. WTH?
> This is scary to me. And I like being married. It IS one of the reasons I stay married, albeit a small one.
> Ugh.


Not a very nice thing to say to you tbh


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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

stephscarlett said:


> So, a couple splits up, both age 50. Odds of each marrying again? I heard it's much more difficult for the woman. Hubby is very good looking, prestigious job, has money. Me - he said if we weren't married I could have a "physical" relationship with anyone. WTH?
> This is scary to me. And I like being married. It IS one of the reasons I stay married, albeit a small one.
> Ugh.


I personally don't think its true. 50 isn't 80, If you were to become single I don't think you need to worry about becoming the crazy cat lady. There are good men in that age range that are looking for relationships.

Regarding what he said about physical relationships, that was pretty disrespectful, and it kind of makes me feel like he is full of himself. Also, he makes it sound like he is the only one that could do that. Lets be real here, its always easier for women to have a physical relationship if thats all they want. I check all the boxes your husband does, own a company, wear tailored suits, drive an exotic sports car, and guess what? My SAHM wife can get laid more easily than me at anytime if thats what she wanted to do. 

I think he is saying these things to break you down and make you feel like you are nothing without him. Don't put him on a pedestal just because he has decent gig and is good looking. Big deal. What matters the most is how he treats you.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Statistics say something about it, but the individual matters most. First, your wish to be married, and then of course how well you appeal to or attract the kind of man you'd like to marry.

[census.gov]What is the age composition of spouses in recently remarried couples?
● One third of the men and one quarter of the woman involved were age 45 and over. 

Another site:


> The most-cited reason for remarriage in later life by both men and women is companionship (Bulcroft, Bulcroft, Hatch, & Borgatta, 1989; McKain, 1969). Women are also likely to remarry for economic security. Men tend to remarry more often than women; *one study estimated that men are twice as likely as women to remarry *(Burch, 1990).


And a NY Times article says:


> If it feels as if the remarriage odds are bad for a woman in her 50s, they are. According to 2001 census data, 41 percent of women 50 and over who’ve been divorced have remarried, while 58.4 percent of divorced men that age are remarried.
> 
> “That’s the biggest remarriage gap for all age groups,” said Dr. Francesca Adler-Baeder of the National Stepfamily Resource Center at Auburn University. “Among the divorced, the least marriageables in our society are older women, highly educated who make a good salary.”


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## stephscarlett (Sep 2, 2015)

ReformedHubby said:


> Regarding what he said about physical relationships, that was pretty disrespectful, and it kind of makes me feel like he is full of himself.


I think he said that because I'm pretty enough to have a physical relationship with any guy, but because of my age, a real relationship would be harder for me to attain. Oh, he backtracked pretty quick when he realized what he said, but I got the point. He didn't say anything about himself.


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

A woman can always snag a guy to bang her for a while. But let's be honest, as she passes 40, the quality & quantity, as well as their willingness to commit to said women goes down. 

A woman's sexual market value and her marriage market value are not the same and the disparity between the 2 increases with age. A woman in her 20s and even early 30s, especially if she's attractive, fit, and childless, can usually have quality desirable men willing to commit to them. But as she ages, most of the quality men will be hesitant to commit to these woman. What she'll find is that the age gap will have to increase in order to snag a commitment.

What I've seen in real life is that the men who've divorced, all have eventually remarried women much younger than their 1st wife and that the women who remarried, have ended up with men much older than their exhusbands. a few of those women also had to go through A LOT of STRs and a few LTRs before finding the one. The sad part is that 2 have not remarried, over 5 years later. She can get men willing to date her but no ring and only one live-in relationship.

The 2 are not the same but many confused the 2. Which is why when an alpha man slums it down and has a short FWB with a woman that he wouldn't every think of being serious with, that woman, now has reset her standards. Her mind thinks this is the type of man I can get.


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## stephscarlett (Sep 2, 2015)

jsmart said:


> A woman can always snag a guy to bang her for a while. But let's be honest, as she passes 40, the quality & quantity, as well as their willingness to commit to said women goes down.
> 
> A woman's sexual market value and her marriage market value are not the same and the disparity between the 2 increases with age. A woman in her 20s and even early 30s, especially if she's attractive, fit, and childless, can usually have quality desirable men willing to commit to them. But as she ages, most of the quality men will be hesitant to commit to these woman. What she'll find is that the age gap will have to increase in order to snag a commitment.
> 
> ...


this is really depressing.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

jsmart said:


> A woman can always snag a guy to bang her for a while. But let's be honest, as she passes 40, the quality & quantity, as well as their willingness to commit to said women goes down.
> 
> A woman's sexual market value and her marriage market value are not the same and the disparity between the 2 increases with age. A woman in her 20s and even early 30s, especially if she's attractive, fit, and childless, can usually have quality desirable men willing to commit to them. But as she ages, most of the quality men will be hesitant to commit to these woman. What she'll find is that the age gap will have to increase in order to snag a commitment.
> 
> ...


*... and thereby "trades down," in order to get her "needs" met!

Makes perfect sense to me!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LosingHim (Oct 20, 2015)

My 75 year old aunt got divorced last year after 51 years of marriage. She has had absolutely zero problem finding men who have interest in dating her and men she finds interesting to date. They range in age from 65-82.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

You could drive yourself crazy analyzing this 'problem'. My advice is to forget about it. Live and be happy, and quit thinking you NEED A MAN in order to do that.


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## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

stephscarlett said:


> So, a couple splits up, both age 50. Odds of each marrying again? I heard it's much more difficult for the woman. Hubby is very good looking, prestigious job, has money. Me - he said if we weren't married I could have a "physical" relationship with anyone. WTH?
> This is scary to me. And I like being married. It IS one of the reasons I stay married, albeit a small one.
> Ugh.


Yes, it is much more difficult for the woman unless she is interested in a man 10 years older than she is.

Men are near their peak sexual value at age 50, whereas women are way past it.

This is unfair... but then so is the discrepancy between 20 year old men and 20 year old women, which vastly favors women at that age.

So the best plan for women of that age is to stay married.


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## zzzman99 (Oct 23, 2015)

LosingHim said:


> My 75 year old aunt got divorced last year after 51 years of marriage. She has had absolutely zero problem finding men who have interest in dating her and men she finds interesting to date. They range in age from 65-82.


Dating and commitment are two very different things.


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## zzzman99 (Oct 23, 2015)

tech-novelist said:


> Yes, it is much more difficult for the woman unless she is interested in a man 10 years older than she is.
> 
> Men are near their peak sexual value at age 50, whereas women are way past it.
> 
> ...


It is not unfair, it is the way it is. As you note, women are the beneficiary of this when they are younger, men when they are older. And men are NEARER (not near) their peak sexual value at 50 compared to woman. A man's real peak is closer to late 30s while a woman's is early 20s.


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

stephscarlett said:


> So, a couple splits up, both age 50. Odds of each marrying again? I heard it's much more difficult for the woman. Hubby is very good looking, prestigious job, has money. Me - he said if we weren't married I could have a "physical" relationship with anyone. WTH?
> This is scary to me. And I like being married. It IS one of the reasons I stay married, albeit a small one.
> Ugh.


I have two widowed friends, both in their 50's. One has stated that she never wants to marry again, the other doesn't really care either way. Both women are having plenty fun dating and having relationships.

Just observing my Facebook friends, the friends I went to high school with and are in their 50's and have been divorced. Lots are dating, remarried or getting married. 

A lot of manosphere blogs and websites try to make men feel better by telling them that women "hit a wall" at forty and will end up alone with a bunch of cats. From what I witness in my own life, this is just not the case.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

There's lots of hot older women and presumably hot older guys. 

My dad does quite well for himself. 

If you're single, the game doesn't really change with age I think. Stay in shape, stay happy and positive, do things that bring you happiness. 

There's somebody for everybody if that's what you want and you're in a good place.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## TaDor (Dec 20, 2015)

Older men and younger women is the norm. As we age, we are more secure with ourselves and have more confidence. Even when I was 40, I had little problems snagging dates & sangs with women in their early 20s, not that I didn't also date women my own age or even older. But if its about sex and fun, then I'd go with the younger.

Older men have made more money, have the nicer cars too. Girls like cars 

I had just turned 40 when I meet my future wife who was 25 back then... I'm still handsome and look like I'm in my late 30s. I don't smoke, do drugs or drunk heavily. There are guys younger than me that look worn out from such things. Hell, even the AP that my WW went with, doesn't compare to me. Other than his youth.

*I had dated a 21yr old and a 38yr old a month earlier, before meeting future wife


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

tech-novelist said:


> Yes, it is much more difficult for the woman unless she is interested in a man 10 years older than she is.
> 
> Men are near their peak sexual value at age 50, whereas women are way past it.
> 
> ...


I don't disagree but wouldn't see it as just sexual value but also relationship value. I have found dating at 40+ Is 10 times easier than when I was 20. Most the women I know personally say the opposite was true that they found it much easier when they were younger 

For everything thier is a time I suppose.


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## VeryHurt (Mar 11, 2011)

stephscarlett said:


> this is really depressing.


I'm with you !!!
There's no hope for me.


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

jsmart said:


> But let's be honest, as she passes 40, the quality & quantity, as well as their willingness to commit to said women goes down.


I'm at an age a woman in her 40's is a young chick that may be my daughter's BBF. I however find, and always have found, the "mature" girls sexy as hell, experienced, and have kids grown and out of the house and out of the way. Add a few gray streaks to their hair, an easy to get along with/low maintenance attitude, a nice round azz and a reasonably high sex drive, and she's something I wouldn't mind coming home to.


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

It's not as easy as you think for divorced men in their 50's. Even if they are good looking and have the prestidgeous job, they have no money because they had to give 60 -70% of it away in their divorce. Women won't be attracted to a man who has no money to spend on them.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

This idea that men somehow reach their peak value at 50 is ridiculous, and is perpetuated by men that are 50 or are approaching 50 and are desperate to believe it.

That's not to say they can't be great catches, but they are long past their peak sexual value. If you have money you can buy someone but that's different then sexual value. 

Men and women of all ages with something to offer will always find dates, assuming their expectations are reasonable.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 2&out (Apr 16, 2015)

I'm dead center as of a few days ago in the 50's age zone. I think some are confusing dating/companionship and marriage. My experience is and has been dating can be fun but marriage mostly is not. So I'll date you maybe long term but it is very doubtful I'd ever propose/marry you. Age isn't a big factor for me but I've noticed it seems younger have tighter better bodies. Just something I noticed


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## JohnA (Jun 24, 2015)

You listened to your husband comments but did not hear him. He said "I'm doing the best that I can so shut up. Just remember 0W-1 and OW-2 are still around and more just like them. So watch your step because you may get ONS but no guy is going to stick around. So just be grateful you have a husband". His comment came from arrogance or fear, possibly both.

I smell fear in the air and blood in the water. Answer him from this perspective. 

Oh, how is MC and IC going.


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## JohnA (Jun 24, 2015)

Oh marring a women dies not mean care, consideration, or fidelity on her part. Check out the STD rates for the retirement community "The Villages" in central Florida. Hubby has a couple of huge pre-suppositions in that statement.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

So I wonder, would it possibly be easier to find someone/remarry in your 50s vs 30s/40s? What I am thinking here, let's say someone gets divorced mid 30s (regardless of gender). Odds are they probably have kids (young?) so that could be a negative for someone looking. Someone in their 50s, odds are kids are out of the house so that may be much less of an issue, especially when starting a new relationship.

I know it sounds horrible as someone who has 3 young kids currently, but if I happened to be back on the market, the idea of bringing more kids into the mix from someone else would scare the crap out of me.


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## stephscarlett (Sep 2, 2015)

JohnA said:


> You listened to your husband comments but did not hear him. He said "I'm doing the best that I can so shut up. Just remember 0W-1 and OW-2 are still around and more just like them. So watch your step because you may get ONS but no guy is going to stick around. So just be grateful you have a husband". His comment came from arrogance or fear, possibly both.
> 
> I smell fear in the air and blood in the water. Answer him from this perspective.
> 
> Oh, how is MC and IC going.


We haven't been to MC in a year. And he is the only one going to IC. I go as needed, last time probably a month ago. 

His comment could be truth. I didn't really consider it until I read about it somewhere else and that caused me to think a little.


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## stephscarlett (Sep 2, 2015)

EllisRedding said:


> So I wonder, would it possibly be easier to find someone/remarry in your 50s vs 30s/40s? What I am thinking here, let's say someone gets divorced mid 30s (regardless of gender). Odds are they probably have kids (young?) so that could be a negative for someone looking. Someone in their 50s, odds are kids are out of the house so that may be much less of an issue, especially when starting a new relationship.
> 
> I know it sounds horrible as someone who has 3 young kids currently, but if I happened to be back on the market, the idea of bringing more kids into the mix from someone else would scare the crap out of me.


my kids are grown but still, I watch this guy I sometimes work with who I hear is "engaged." She NEVER comes to watch his kids at their sporting events, I have NEVER seen her with him except out once during the city festival, walking from bar to bar. It's like, his kids take priority and she has no part in their life, that I can see anyway. And the kids are in HS, not little. It seems very odd to me but maybe that's how it works.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

stephscarlett said:


> my kids are grown but still, I watch this guy I sometimes work with who I hear is "engaged." She NEVER comes to watch his kids at their sporting events, I have NEVER seen her with him except out once during the city festival, walking from bar to bar. It's like, his kids take priority and she has no part in their life, that I can see anyway. And the kids are in HS, not little. It seems very odd to me but maybe that's how it works.


I can just think about how difficult it is with my W and I to find time for each other with our kids, and that is with being married for a while. I can't imagine having to do this with someone you are still trying to get to know.

The situation you mentioned does seem very odd, wonder if that is the norm?


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## stephscarlett (Sep 2, 2015)

EllisRedding said:


> The situation you mentioned does seem very odd, wonder if that is the norm?


He has never once mentioned her to me either. EVER. Like, "hey, I'm getting married in October," or "me and my girlfriend...."


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Part of the remarriage gap for older women is that they are fine on their own and no longer want to deal with the cr*p a husband may bring to her life. The ones who WANT to remarry may have success doing so, but finding a suitable man is no easier than it ever was. Mid-60s and later, men start dying more frequently, so there are more women than men, many of the remaining men are less healthy than the women in their cohort, so the ratio of available and desirable women to men grows larger with age. The remaining men are in greater demand (I was amazed at all the women cat-fighting over my 86 year old father in assisted living, despite him being almost blind and dealing with bad arthritis - he was still a catch, and he actually was and is a nice person). So it really comes down to individual circumstances and choices, IMO. At my age, I would have options if I were to enter the dating game again, and I would prefer a woman closer to my age than someone much younger, say.


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## JohnA (Jun 24, 2015)

It could be both your hubby and I are rightl. Could I be right?


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## stephscarlett (Sep 2, 2015)

JohnA said:


> It could be both your hubby and I are rightl. Could I be right?


sure:wink2:


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

2&out said:


> I'm dead center as of a few days ago in the 50's age zone. I think some are confusing dating/companionship and marriage. My experience is and has been dating can be fun but marriage mostly is not. So I'll date you maybe long term but it is very doubtful I'd ever propose/marry you. Age isn't a big factor for me but I've noticed it seems younger have tighter better bodies. Just something I noticed


That's not gender specific. Younger men have tighter, better bodies too.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## TaDor (Dec 20, 2015)

lifeistooshort said:


> That's not gender specific. Younger men have tighter, better bodies too.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Uh... maybe. the amount of junk food people eat nowadays is disgusting. I'm in better shape with muscle and lower weight in my 30s~current than when I was in my 20s.

My wife is still tighter and thinner than most women in their late teens and twenties. She's down to 109lbs, but her normal weight is 105.

I have a 65yr old friend, he dates and have ONS, etc with women 21~35 all the time. he's not rich or handsome, but he can talk women out of their panties. He's a player with about 800+ under his belt. Funny note, he was the most angry friend of mine when my WW ran away two months ago.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

TaDor said:


> Uh... maybe. the amount of junk food people eat nowadays is disgusting. I'm in better shape with muscle and lower weight in my 30s~current than when I was in my 20s.
> 
> My wife is still tighter and thinner than most women in their late teens and twenties. She's down to 109lbs, but her normal weight is 105.
> 
> I have a 65yr old friend, he dates and have ONS, etc with women 21~35 all the time. he's not rich or handsome, but he can talk women out of their panties. He's a player with about 800+ under his belt. Funny note, he was the most angry friend of mine when my WW ran away two months ago.


That tells me nothing about him having a tight body..... be probably doesn't. 

As you said he talks women into bed. 

They're not hopping in because he has a tight body, they're intrigued. .... but whatever works.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Vinnydee (Jan 4, 2016)

I have no idea if you are a man or woman since you do not disclose even if you are married, much less your gender. A woman has an easier time of it. Women can dress sexy and get picked up every night if they wanted to. Nothing is more attractive to a man than a sure thing. Men have a much harder time at it. I know this because of 50 years of adulthood and knowing friends with open relationships and divorces. 

Even in swinging, it is often the husband who wants to quit because his wife is getting a lot more attention than he is. The real problem is that the chance of your second marriage ending in divorce are very high. Read this and see for yourself:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-intelligent-divorce/201202/the-high-failure-rate-second-and-third-marriages

My sister got divorced and had a new boyfriend supporting her within the month. My sister did the same as did my sister-in-law. Divorced men are a lonely bunch. A woman can ask just about any man to go home with her and he will but if a guy tries that with a woman, it is not going to work very well.


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## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

jb02157 said:


> It's not as easy as you think for divorced men in their 50's. Even if they are good looking and have the prestidgeous job, they have no money because they had to give 60 -70% of it away in their divorce. Women won't be attracted to a man who has no money to spend on them.


Only if they got hosed in the divorce. Otherwise they should be in pretty good shape in the dating scene.


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## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

Vinnydee said:


> I have no idea if you are a man or woman since you do not disclose even if you are married, much less your gender. A woman has an easier time of it. Women can dress sexy and get picked up every night if they wanted to. Nothing is more attractive to a man than a sure thing. Men have a much harder time at it. I know this because of 50 years of adulthood and knowing friends with open relationships and divorces.
> 
> Even in swinging, it is often the husband who wants to quit because his wife is getting a lot more attention than he is. The real problem is that the chance of your second marriage ending in divorce are very high. Read this and see for yourself:
> 
> ...


Yes, for dating and sex. No, for marriage, which I believe was the original question.


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

tech-novelist said:


> Only if they got hosed in the divorce. Otherwise they should be in pretty good shape in the dating scene.


Yeah but most of the time they get screwed in the divorce.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Worked with a guy in his sixties who went through a painful divorce. Might have been two, if memory serves me. He worked the ladies. He will never remarry. He has too much fun being single. He doesn't want to be tied down. He doesn't want to have to ask or think before he decides to accept an invitation to do something. He has male friends as well. There are at least two women who call him all the time. He is not the most handsome man. He is in decent shape for his age. He has some money, but I suspect he has lost quite a bit in his divorce. He made some comments that led me to believe that. He has his own house. The women seem to throw themselves at him, according to him of course. I suspect he knows how to talk and make them desire to know more about him. I saw him "at work" with a few women. He is quite the charmer and knows how to get rid of other interests(thoughts of other men in women's minds). 

I'd say he's a player. Maybe a classic player? He is happy. The women want someone to grow old an die with, according to him. 

Do women have it easier or harder? I don't know. I suspect it is different with each generation. Values and tolerances change with each generation, and with age/life. 

I see older folks(I'm 53 and soon 54) where I live walking together. I know they are dating. Marriage? Meh. I doubt that very much. They have too much fun dating.


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## Vinnydee (Jan 4, 2016)

Past statistics have shown that in the U.S. 50% percent of first marriages, 67% of second, and 73% of third marriages end in divorce.

I have lived with a woman since I was 18 and had girlfriends since I was 11. I love women. I like them better than men for friends. I could not imagine myself living life without a woman with me. I hit the jackpot with my wife after breaking up with a cheating fiancee. With us it was really love at first sight. We were engaged three weeks after we met and are still very happily married after 40+ years.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

I'm just wondering how many 50+ women actually want to remarry? I know quite a few who are entirely happy being single. Some are dating, some are not, some are in long-term relationships. But none of them seem in any hurry to get married. 

Heck, I'm 39 and I'm in zero hurry to remarry....


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Rowan said:


> I'm just wondering how many 50+ women actually want to remarry? I know quite a few who are entirely happy being single. Some are dating, some are not, some are in long-term relationships. But none of them seem in any hurry to get married.
> 
> Heck, I'm 39 and I'm in zero hurry to remarry....


What do they say are their reasons? 

Do you find more women believe this after 50 than those who are younger? 

If so, why do you think or why do they say that is?

Do those women who don't really care to remarry date much? How often? 

What kind of dates are those? In other words, where do they go on a date? 

Are there any women you know that do talk about remarrying after 50? 

What have they said is their reasoning behind this? 

I'm just full of questions. Full of something else, too, I imagine.


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## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

Hmm, it seems as though some women aren't actually done with men after 55. >
https://dalrock.wordpress.com/2011/03/11/are-women-done-with-men-after-age-55/


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

I don't know, tech. I've heard women talking who are over 50. They really don't talk much about sex or marriage. Not that younger women do, but the younger one's talk more about their boyfriend or husband, whereas the older ones talk about what their children and grandchildren. They don't seem much interested in any man when they are single. 

Honestly, my opinion is that if you can find a woman while she is in the last year or maybe two, of perimenopause, she will be bonded to a man and then, as long as he isn't terrible, she won't even think about leaving cause she just isn't that interested in sex for herself, but more to please her husband. 

Sorry if I offended some women. I'm really trying to understand.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
I think there are a couple of issues:

Most people in their 50s who want to be married are. The ones who aren't likely have left marriages - and in many cases they are part of the reason that the marriage failed. That makes the statistics not so good. Someone may need to date quite a lot to find a partner who wants to be married, and who was not at fault for the failure of their previous marriage.

Young very attractive women can generally get married to older men as sort of "trophy wives". I think the same is very difficult for young attractive men. So that removes some of the older wealthy men from the picture.

I don't think its impossible at all, but it may take patience to find a partner.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

@richardsharpe,

Do you think that says something about divorce versus reconciliation after a certain age? You don't find many posts here about women cheating after 50. You do find men cheating after 50. 

Do you think that a man should forgive his wife for infidelity and do all he can to reconcile with her if she is in her late 40's or early 50's, if said husband would rather be married than single? 

I don't see the good in dating to talk to a woman. If there isn't a reason, like sex and/or marriage, I can't see it being worth spending that kind of energy. I guess another reason could be security, but doesn't that just mean someone is looking for a handout or to offer themselves for a secure retirement which they don't themselves possess? 

Something isn't adding up to 4 ...


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

@Evinrude58

My guess is, Vd spreads quickly and makes a big impression on those women he meets? lol


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## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

2ntnuf said:


> I don't know, tech. I've heard women talking who are over 50. They really don't talk much about sex or marriage. Not that younger women do, but the younger one's talk more about their boyfriend or husband, whereas the older ones talk about what their children and grandchildren. They don't seem much interested in any man when they are single.
> 
> Honestly, my opinion is that if you can find a woman while she is in the last year or maybe two, of perimenopause, she will be bonded to a man and then, as long as he isn't terrible, she won't even think about leaving cause she just isn't that interested in sex for herself, but more to please her husband.
> 
> Sorry if I offended some women. I'm really trying to understand.


Perhaps, but then how do we explain over 1500 comments on that thread on dalrock's blog?


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

tech-novelist said:


> Perhaps, but then how do we explain over 1500 comments on that thread on dalrock's blog?


Honestly, I didn't look at those, but skimmed that article for the finer points. I'll have to go and look again. I just don't believe...ah well. I'll take a look.


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## stephscarlett (Sep 2, 2015)

What do the comments say?


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

Rowan said:


> I'm just wondering how many 50+ women actually want to remarry? I know quite a few who are entirely happy being single. Some are dating, some are not, some are in long-term relationships. But none of them seem in any hurry to get married.
> 
> Heck, I'm 39 and I'm in zero hurry to remarry....


All the women I know over 40 who have divorced have specifically told me they have no interest in remarrying. Most say it's because they're happier single. They come and go as they please, date when they feel like it, and really seem to enjoy not having to take someone else into account when making life decisions.



2ntnuf said:


> I don't see the good in dating to talk to a woman. If there isn't a reason, like sex and/or marriage, I can't see it being worth spending that kind of energy. I guess another reason could be security, but doesn't that just mean someone is looking for a handout or to offer themselves for a secure retirement which they don't themselves possess?
> 
> Something isn't adding up to 4 ...


You don't see the point, but other people do! There are many reasons to date for those who have no plans to marry. When casually dating, you get companionship. Someone to share a meal with occasionally. Someone to take to social events where bringing a date is customary. That kind of thing.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

MJJEAN said:


> *You don't see the point, but other people do!* There are many reasons to date for those who have no plans to marry. When casually dating, you get companionship. Someone to share a meal with occasionally. Someone to take to social events where bringing a date is customary. That kind of thing.


Women or men? You're right. I don't get it. If a man likes to go fishing, to a baseball game, hunting, shooting or the boat show, why would he prefer to take a woman his age over a man when he can more easily be understood by the men and be less likely to offend them? 

I know this sounds goofy to you, but it is a serious question. Most men I know don't care to go ballroom dancing or to a flower show or the museum to look at art. Most men I know would rather see a movie with car chases, shootings, things blowing up and dialogue that could be written by a teenager or young adult male spoken by some bikini clad hottie with a unrealistic attraction for men who are not in her league. Can't imagine there are all that many women who would want to go on a date with a guy and do those things. Maybe I'm wrong? Nah...

I guess a sympathetic ear at the hospital and some compassion would be nice, but you just said they don't want a husband and surely they don't want that kind of responsibility? No?

So, sex is out, but dating and dinner is in? That's okay, but I just wanted to get a good grasp of the situation before I am played.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Women 50+ are wiser and more subtle than their younger counterparts.

Many of them are sexual dynamos.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

tech-novelist said:


> Perhaps, but then how do we explain over 1500 comments on that thread on dalrock's blog?


Well, I'm screwed. 

30 of 1000

That means, if you aren't into promiscuity, you're up the creek without a paddle. 

And my hate just grew by the power of 10. It's exponential growth.


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## Maxo (Mar 8, 2016)

My basic premise is that marriage is not enjoyable for me. So , I would never consider it again and have found I am much happier single, with a nice girlfriend.


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## jdawg2015 (Feb 12, 2015)

The older you get the more baggage you bring. So many things that didn't matter or even need to be discussed have to be brought up in conversations when you are older.

I am in my mid 40s and have a long list of if instant deal breakers for me. Married twice already and divorced, buh-bye. History of cheating, buh-bye. Still in contact with old flame, buh-bye. So the older one gets, the dating pool is filled with people and their baggage so you have to find not only someone that you are attracted too and have common ground, but the baggage has to be sorted out as well. There are women out there I could accept, but they have baggage that I don't want or need so they are not viable candidates.

So, I think dating after 40 and up gets much more tricky for both sexes. As for women, if they are of reasonable appearance they can get laid easier than a man for sure. That's much different than having a meaningful partner.


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## TaDor (Dec 20, 2015)

Vinnydee said:


> Past statistics have shown that in the U.S. 50% percent of first marriages, 67% of second, and 73% of third marriages end in divorce.
> 
> I have lived with a woman since I was 18 and had girlfriends since I was 11. I love women. I like them better than men for friends. I could not imagine myself living life without a woman with me. I hit the jackpot with my wife after breaking up with a cheating fiancee. With us it was really love at first sight. We were engaged three weeks after we met and are still very happily married after 40+ years.


LOL! I proposed to my "wife" three weeks too. We made it 5 years before hitting this very bad rough-spot. But we too, want to go for 40 years. I doubt I'll live that long thou.


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## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

stephscarlett said:


> What do the comments say?


Many of them are by women shrieking that they don't care!!!!!

Which is fine as far as it goes, but why would someone bother to look for that topic and then leave a long rant about how they don't care? I don't do that about topics that I don't care about.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

tech-novelist said:


> Many of them are by women shrieking that they don't care!!!!!
> 
> Which is fine as far as it goes, but why would someone bother to look for that topic and then leave a long rant about how they don't care? I don't do that about topics that I don't care about.


I was sort of hoping she'd go look for herself. She can't come to her own conclusions if she doesn't. The statistic is what got me. I know statistics can be skewed by the question(s). 

Can you believe my counselor asked why I don't just go out and try, instead of trying to make sure I know all I can first? I told her, I did that before and got burned badly twice with marriage. She then told me there were red flags I missed and I asked what they were. She told me of one. I told her I saw it, but wanted to believe her. I didn't think she could be as evil as she was. She acted like a sweetheart. 

I've been burned by so many decisions on so many important topics, I asked her if I was justified in my feelings. She changed the subject. 

Well, duh.

So, throw caution to the wind if there is something you want? Been there. Done that. No thanks.

That's why all the questions and I see the answers match closely to what I thought. Though I wonder if much of those is posturing, as in the comments.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

2ntnuf said:


> Women or men? You're right. I don't get it. If a man likes to go fishing, to a baseball game, hunting, shooting or the boat show, why would he prefer to take a woman his age over a man when he can more easily be understood by the men and be less likely to offend them?
> 
> I know this sounds goofy to you, but it is a serious question. Most men I know don't care to go ballroom dancing or to a flower show or the museum to look at art. Most men I know would rather see a movie with car chases, shootings, things blowing up and dialogue that could be written by a teenager or young adult male spoken by some bikini clad hottie with a unrealistic attraction for men who are not in her league. Can't imagine there are all that many women who would want to go on a date with a guy and do those things. Maybe I'm wrong? Nah...
> 
> ...


I think you have somewhat skewed ideas as to what women and men like to do. 

Sure, there are girly girl flower show and ballroom dancing women. But there are just as many who hate dresses and flowers who would much rather go mudding or to a gun show.

Sure, there are men who like to hunt and who perpetually have parts grease under their fingernails, but there are just as many who love gardening...oops, I mean "landscaping"... and who think salsa or ballroom dancing is a great way to spend a Saturday night.

Casual dating is just that. Casual. You have a friendship, you take each other along when attending events requiring a date or when you're going out to do something the other person will/might enjoy, too, and you want the company of a member of the opposite sex. That simple.

There is a very big difference in the level of responsibility between committed partners and casual daters.

For some casual daters, casual sex is on the menu. For others, it's not.




2ntnuf said:


> Well, I'm screwed.
> 
> 30 of 1000
> 
> ...


I am a bit confused. If you aren't into promiscuity, just casually date and make sure your dates understand that sex isn't on the menu. We're talking casual dating here, not commitment. Most casual daters are seeing multiple people, so it's not like they can't get sex from another dating partner.



2ntnuf said:


> I've been burned by so many decisions on so many important topics, I asked her if I was justified in my feelings. She changed the subject.
> 
> Well, duh.
> 
> ...


A lot of times a therapist will evade by changing the subject because they are trying to lead you to a conclusion you may not be ready to reach yet.

Throwing caution to the winds is nice on occasion, but not when there are red flags present.

As far as posturing in the blog comments...well, try being told by individuals or society that of course you want something you don't actually want. It's frustrating as all hell! After a bit, you start stating your position on every platform available hoping people will eventually get it.

Not wanting to marry or remarry, for both women and men, is treated a lot like not wanting children. There are too many people out there who just can't wrap their minds around the concept that someone doesn't want what they are "supposed" to want.

I've been married 13 years, but we were together 3 years before that, so I've been part of a couple for 16 years. I love DH dearly. I don't want to imagine life without him. But if I were widowed or divorced, I wouldn't want to remarry. Why would I? I've already found the love of my life and had a family with him. Were I single, the only thing I would lack would be occasional male companionship and I could get that casually dating.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
I think it really has to be taken on a case by case basis, even if the statistics happen to point one way or the other. Whether reconciliation makes sense depends on what caused the split originally, how good the rest of the marriage is, and how much both parties like being married.

Whether or not infidelity should be forgiven is also a personal choice. I don't think is possible to have general rules. Personally, I'd forgive infidelity because it doesn't particularly bother me . Others are different.

If I were single, I'd be happy to date just to talk to women. Sex is great, but I enjoy the company of women even is there is no possibility of sex. I think I'd engage in casual dating (with or without sex depending on the situation), for the pleasure of spending time with women. If during the casual dating I found someone I wanted to spend more time with, I would expect the relationship to gradually grow into something longer term. In fact I wouldn't want to date a woman who only wanted to find a husband - too much risk that once she had achieved her goal, things would change. 





2ntnuf said:


> @richardsharpe,
> 
> Do you think that says something about divorce versus reconciliation after a certain age? You don't find many posts here about women cheating after 50. You do find men cheating after 50.
> 
> ...


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

@richardsharpe,

Casual dating just to talk to a woman isn't something I really desire right now. I've met plenty of women. There are few I'd care to discuss anything with one on one. I can usually tell within a few minutes if I would be interested in talking or more. The date then becomes unnecessary and uncomfortable. I don't want that.


@MJJEAN,

I hear you. Some of what I want to say is in my response to Richard above.

As for the blog comments, if I was interested in a woman who I then found out spent her time going to blogs and complaining about things like that, I'm thinking I'd be afraid of her and would not even think about talking with her, let alone dating. 

Don't care what anyone is supposed to want. Just like the blog stuff, that's a bit scary. I was talking about what I want and wondering if there were still women out there in that age range that would want the same. I found my answer in that, 30 of 1000 seem to remarry. From your comments, I'd say that's true for many.

Not interested in dating a woman who is going to date others and get it when and where she wants. I don't begrudge her. I'm saying I had that when I was married. I didn't like her dating or sleeping with others while we were married. Why would I want that now? That's what I was saying. Hell, I could have just stayed with her and made nice nice to keep her around. 

I don't know why so many daters don't stick to boundaries that really are life boundaries, not just marriage boundaries. Hell, I could have dated women while I was married and had the same thing we are talking about. Do you understand? 

I'm not saying anyone is evil, just that I live my boundaries, not just when I am married. They actually mean something more to me than a set of rules to live by only when under the oath of marriage. I think one at a time is best ... for me. 

How would I know if I found someone who thinks the same? I'm sure they are out there. I don't think anyone can be certain. 

Date without a goal? Well, the goal for those casual dates you talk about is to have a partner to go places with you could not go alone, or would feel out of place alone. Why go? I don't have to look good to Jim or Jane Smith or Jones. If I'm going to go to something formal, I'm going to want to go with someone I really want to go with, so I don't feel uncomfortable. I'm not going to leave her alone for long periods of time while I talk to the guys. What is the sense in going together? 

Not for me. Yeah, in a group, I enjoy talking with women and hearing their opinions. I don't need their opinions, though, like some do. I've got plenty of my own. Many of them offer them freely, anyway. No need to ask. I don't need to be more confused. 

Thank you both for answering. I really appreciate it.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
Its fine for people to want what they want, as long as they are honest with potential partners about it. Sadly, it may sometimes be difficult to find what you want, but there really is no way around that except to have patience. 


For myself, friendship, love and sexual attraction overlap a lot. I would be most comfortable getting to know someone as a friend, then having that develop into love. Others feel differently.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

richardsharpe said:


> Good evening
> Its fine for people to want what they want, as long as they are honest with potential partners about it. Sadly, it may sometimes be difficult to find what you want, but there really is no way around that except to have patience.
> 
> 
> For myself, friendship, love and sexual attraction overlap a lot. I would be most comfortable getting to know someone as a friend, then having that develop into love. Others feel differently.


If I'm nothing else, I'm going to be honest. Unfortunately, many are not honest with me. I don't mind telling someone I want to date as friends, with the potential for more, if that happens. I don't mind telling them I am a one at a time person, because that's who I am and always have been. I'm not ashamed of it.

I will have issues, like you say, with finding someone who is the same. Obviously, since my choices have been poor in the past. 

Friendship, love and sexual attraction are important to me, as well. It's likely they are as or more important to me than you, since I want one, not many. I don't need many. I need one person who wants to be with me, and only me. It would take time to figure that out. I don't have to date lots of women at the same time to find out. Just have to date one at a time. Talking and being observant, seem to help.

Edit: In my mind, after this thread, it should be easier. Many women don't want a commitment. They are more mature. They are not going to want to play games, more than likely. They don't have that kind of time or desire. Speaking the truth should cut through the nonsense and get right to those who actually want what I want. We are all unique. I am no more or less wrong or evil than anyone else.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

If I lost Mrs. Conan I don't think I would marry again.

I can't say for sure because I didn't want to be married when I met her.

She has been the great love of my life.

I wouldn't be dating either.

Wouldn't really be interested and unless I was going to get married again, casual sex is against my regulations.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Seems like a guy like me needs to find a woman who has not been very successful, has not had children, and likes working and living with a man. I would think a lower sexual desire would be a detriment, and why I made some statements about that. 

I see the shacking up as a weakness. Those who just shack up are afraid to get married, may want to date others without having any real issues when it's possible(many in marriages will do the same), will be gone when needed, and won't care what really happens to their relationship or partner. I've seen it with a member of my own family. They were less committed. He dated who he wanted while they were together. She dated only him, when he would take her out. 

Again, not impossible, but could lead to many more first dates, but no one night stands. No thanks. If past performance is indicative of future performance, I could easily end up sloppy second. Many of you don't mind that. I don't even care to think about that. Been there. Had that done to me without my permission or foreknowledge. If marriage couldn't stop that, what makes anyone think it would not be more than likely, without marriage? Just a rhetorical question.

This is all just my thoughts. Honesty? You asked for it. No one is wrong for being different than me. I'm not wrong for being different than you.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

OliviaG said:


> From what I'm seeing IRL, mostly men want to get remarried. They want someone to play the wife role and take care of them, which is fine, there's nothing wrong with that. I think a lot of women wouldn't mind having a "wife" themselves...lol.. I mean what's not to like - cooking and cleaning and nursing when needed. And hopefully guaranteed sex (this is where it's problematic for heterosexual women who want a wife..  )
> 
> You have to find a woman who wants what you want, that's all. I'm sure there are many out there. Probably many of them are younger, which a lot of men might like anyway.


You keep on knocking me down, and I'll keep getting back up.

There is no need for derogatory name calling, like "wife", as you intended it's meaning. You have insulted both men and women with your remark, whether heterosexual, bisexual, or homosexual.

Each person in a healthy marriage has a complementary role. It's up to each to do their job by sharing in the work. If one considers themselves superior, it won't work. There has to be respect, or even a casual dating relationship won't work. 



You know, this is a great thread. I've learned quite a bit. Thank you Steph.


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## Maxo (Mar 8, 2016)

I have no idea how what Olivia wrote could be construed as insulting. What am I missing?


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

ConanHub said:


> If I lost Mrs. Conan I don't think I would marry again.
> 
> I can't say for sure because I didn't want to be married when I met her.
> 
> ...


Right there with you. Not a casual sex person, never been one to hit the bars/clubs looking for women, and the whole online dating scene seems bit sketchy to me lol. 

All my focus would just go towards my kids and trying to be the best dad possible. Probably get a few more dogs as well


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## stephscarlett (Sep 2, 2015)

I LOVE being married. In a relationship. Sleeping next to someone every night. Being adored. Making meals, taking care of someone, just a little. Call me crazy I guess. I would WANT to be married again.


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## jdawg2015 (Feb 12, 2015)

Her posts if gender reversed would be ridiculed at length. The posts come across as misandry.


Basically she's place men in the role of looking for a maid. Some of us look for more than that in spouse.

Mutual support. Notice she doesn't consider a single reason why men would shy from women later in life.




Maxo said:


> I have no idea how what Olivia wrote could be construed as insulting. What am I missing?


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## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

OliviaG said:


> Am I required to talk about men shying away from women later in life? I didn't even think that men did shy away from women later in life. Do they?


Of course you're not required to talk about anything.

As for whether men shy away from women later in life, some do. I believe the main reason is fear of being hurt (again).


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## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

OliviaG said:


> Yeah, I can see that. Once bitten twice shy. True for both sexes, I would think.


Probably so, although in general men get a rawer deal in divorce, so they may be somewhat more gunshy on average than women are.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

stephscarlett said:


> I LOVE being married. In a relationship. Sleeping next to someone every night. Being adored. Making meals, taking care of someone, just a little. Call me crazy I guess. I would WANT to be married again.


Ya know, I think part of this just comes down to personality. My personality, I have never had an issue being alone. I am that guy who has no issues going out to eat or going to the movies alone lol. I can easily detach myself from anyone (something at times I need to keep in check with my wife if we go through a rough patch as at some point it becomes counter productive). Not that I want to sit here and give any more thought to what life would be like without my W, but if that situation did come up I just don't think I would be willing to put in the time or energy of letting someone else in. Plus, I have no doubt I would sit there and compare against my wife, and that person will always come out on the losing end. So at the end of the day, be an awesome dad and maybe become the next dog whisperer :grin2:


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## WasDecimated (Mar 23, 2011)

OliviaG said:


> Yeah, I can see that. Once bitten twice shy. True for both sexes, I would think.


More like "twice bitten, thrice shy"


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## WasDecimated (Mar 23, 2011)

tech-novelist said:


> Probably so, although in general men get a rawer deal in divorce, so they may be somewhat more gunshy on average than women are.


Yep, I'm not in a hurry to divide all of my assets again


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

Decimated said:


> Yep, I'm not in a hurry to divide all of my assets again


Yeah, I couldn't even imagine dipping my toe in again if I got taken to the cleaners once already.


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## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

OP, don't let him intimidate you. There is plenty of love to be had at every age. Its all about mindset.

He would just like to "think" he's got it better than you.

He will be wrong.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

OliviaG said:


> See, I was going to post that I thought that might be the reason men are hesitant (if they are - the men that I know who have been divorced get remarried in a hurry, so I'm taking your word for it), but I figured that would cause a flame war.
> 
> Maybe the following will, but I'll risk it:
> 
> Why is it that you feel you are dividing *your* assets when you divorce. Do you not see them as equally hers and yours? I've read lots of posts here where men say the equivalent of "I had to give her half of my money"... I always wonder why they think they are giving away their own money?


Now, I don't have much of a clue since I never had to deal with this, but I think part relates to the continuing payments that were required (spousal support?). I think I remember reading Sam Yeager talk about this from his experience, and it sounded dreadful


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## WasDecimated (Mar 23, 2011)

OliviaG said:


> See, I was going to post that I thought that might be the reason men are hesitant (if they are - the men that I know who have been divorced get remarried in a hurry, so I'm taking your word for it), but I figured that would cause a flame war.
> 
> Maybe the following will, but I'll risk it:
> 
> Why is it that you feel you are dividing *your* assets when you divorce. Do you not see them as equally hers and yours? I've read lots of posts here where men say the equivalent of "I had to give her half of my money"... I always wonder why they think they are giving away their own money?


OliviaG, you are brave. :smile2:

When couples get married all assets, from that point on, are considered marital assets. Any assets acquired before the marriage can be easily co-mingled. In case of divorce, the division of marital assets including any co-mingled assets are considered marital property unless they are untouched since before the marriage and/or you have documentation. Since we were married for 16 years, houses, cars and property were bought and sold. all assets were considered co-mingled and now divisible 50/50 even though she contributed nothing. 

We had 2 children together during our marriage and she stayed home for about 6 years (her choice) until they were in school full time. After that she had no interest in working more than part time, about 18 hours a week. Any money that she made went to her for clothes, shoes and fun. During the latter half of our marriage, my XWW started spending money faster than I could make it…all on herself. Her money was her money and our money was her money. I gave her every opportunity to go to college so she could make a career for herself. She refused because she wanted her days off to spend shopping or having lunches with her besties and as I found out later, cheating. She even opened credit cards on line, in my name (I had no knowledge) and racked up balances. I got stuck paying half in the divorce. I should add that when I met her she had nothing, no house, no car, no money...nothing, except a son from a previous relationship and several boxes of her personal crap. Incidentally, I raised her son as my own and even adapted him.

So, in the divorce settlement, she got close to half of all the marital assets including any co-mingled, even though she contributed next to nothing. She also got a big portion of my pension and investments and on top of that, she got 5 years of alimony. The alimony alone is enough to pay for her condo, car, insurance, all utilities, food and still have money left over for going out partying and acting like a 20 years old. She also get child support even though I have the kids more than half the time, and she spends almost none of it on them.

Obviously, I would have never married this woman if I knew that she would turn into someone this horrible. She was either this person from the beginning and a good actor or she evolved into this person. I now think that both are true. 

To answer your question, no. I don’t see them as equally our assets anymore. While we were married, when she was faithful, and everything was good, I did not distinguish between mine and hers because I thought we were in this together. I was happy that I could financially provide her with a life that she wanted. However, after her lying, cheating, and thievery, I just feel used. :rant:


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## Maxo (Mar 8, 2016)

Decimated said:


> OliviaG, you are brave. :smile2:
> 
> When couples get married all assets, from that point on, are considered marital assets. Any assets acquired before the marriage can be easily co-mingled. In case of divorce, the division of marital assets including any co-mingled assets are considered marital property unless they are untouched since before the marriage and/or you have documentation. Since we were married for 16 years, houses, cars and property were bought and sold. all assets were considered co-mingled and now divisible 50/50 even though she contributed nothing.
> 
> ...


This demonstrates the problem with subscribing to the stay at home spouse paradigm in this day and age ( gender neutral). It is very risky and let' s face it, despite all the politically correct propoganda out there, once the kids are in school, the stay at home spouse' s role is nowhere near as demanding as the person's dragging his or her butt off to work.
With no fault divorce, one really sets oneself up for less custody and spousal maintenance.
So, if a stay at home spouse cheats, the victim loses a lot of access to the kids and subsizes a continuation of what has already been a life that contained more leisure time.


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## WasDecimated (Mar 23, 2011)

Maxo said:


> This demonstrates the problem with subscribing to the stay at home spouse paradigm in this day and age ( gender neutral). It is very risky and let' s face it, despite all the politically correct propoganda out there, once the kids are in school, the stay at home spouse' s role is nowhere near as demanding as the person's dragging his or her butt off to work.
> With no fault divorce, one really sets oneself up for less custody and spousal maintenance.
> So, if a stay at home spouse cheats, the victim loses a lot of access to the kids and subsizes a continuation of what has already been a life that contained more leisure time.


:iagree::iagree::iagree:...1000% 

There are a lot of lazy but devious people out there. They have grown up in a world of safety nets like no-fault divorce and spousal support. They have seen others take advantage of the system and they know it works. Until the laws are changed, they will have no incentive to work hard or contribute equally in a relationship to achieve their goals. 

I work with a lot of younger guys that are either newly married or seriously thinking about it. I don't hesitate to share my story with them and give them the benefit of what I've learned...the hard and expensive way. I also will be having this conversation with my children when they start getting serious in relationships. I will do everything I can to convince them about the risks involved. 

My two youngest kids don't know the whole story about their mother. Her son, the older one I adapted, does know. He figured it out on his own. I asked him not to tell the younger ones. Someday they may ask me for the details, and I will not hesitate to tell them the truth.


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## Luvher4life (Jan 15, 2016)

I think those statistics are really skewed, simply for the fact that many older women don't actually "want" another relationship after being mistreated in their previous relationship, plus they are not as needy physically. They are less likely to get married only "if" they are not actively seeking a relationship. Men, on the other hand, are more needy physically. They are always going to be looking for a place to park their man parts...:grin2: They are also, usually, more financially independent which helps in their quest (the only part that is definitely true, in my opinion).

It was downright RUDE for you husband to say such a thing, not to mention he is dead wrong, in my opinion. Statistics lie on some things by not taking in all the factors involved that could skew the numbers. We see that all the time in mainstream media, and nobody calls them on it. Some people can't see the forest (reality) for the trees (statistics).

It was an offhand remark that bothered you, and rightly so. Tell him that it bothered you, and move on. You know better.


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## Be smart (Feb 22, 2015)

My Lady is slighty older then me (7 years),she was married once but now divorced. We are together for 9 months and we are planing our future together. 

I am not looking to "park my man parts" and she is not looking for someone with money and who will rescue her from ****.ty world becasue I dont even have a money and I cant even rescue myself  but I will try my hardest to there for her and I want the same from her.

Your husband thinks to much about himself which is wrong I belive.


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