# Foreskin ruining sex



## jessiko555 (Dec 2, 2010)

There are a number of positions we can't do, like when I go on top, his foreskin gets pushed down and it really hurts him.

I refuse to go down on him without a condom because unless he pulls that back and cleans it, there's no way I'm putting my mouth on that.

Doggy Style: My fav yet he doesn't know how to do it nor cares to learn. That goes the same for anal.

So, ultimately, the only position we have is missionary of which even that takes him a long time to go in, and depending on my body, he has to pull out every so often to readjust. This kills my mood as I like to get into the rhythm of things.

All of this combined has turned me off of sex, as it feels more like a hassle than anything else and I've asked him to consider getting circumsized or something but he refuses. Even if it's at the risk of our sex life.

This, of course, has led to more problems in our marriage which I've posted in the "considering divorce" section because obviously, the more sex we have, the less he wants to fight with me.

Has anyone had to deal with this issue?


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## marriedguy (Nov 7, 2009)

I used to have a foreskin issue, took me about six months to get it working properly, I also did not want to get circumcised..how old is your husband? Because as weird as it may sound I did not know what circumcision was..so when I was 19 I was starting to wonder how come my **** looked so different than pornstars penises..I began doing some research and found out I had an uncircumcised penis..I so began by pulling the skin back for a few minutes a day, at first not all the way..there was some pain involved but nothing I couldn't handle..after a few months started masterbaiting with pulling the foreskin back..even when I got married about 2 years later I still had some foreskin pain, especially when receiving oral..during sex it bled a few times..I guess it ripped open a little more..but it never got infected or anything..always just kept it real clean, but after a few months of marriage all foreskin problems were gone..
Now we are facing other problems..like my wife not initiating sex..her hate for Anal.my love for it...only receiving blowjobs when I ask, etc.

But back to your problem..I'm sure his foreskin issue can be worked out..if not by stretching maybe go see a doctor and make it clear that he does not was to get circumcised..they can make a small incision that makes it easier for the foreskin to retract..

I'll add that the foreskin itself is very sensitive..but when having sex..the rubbing of the penis against the foreskin feels good..I've tried masterbating without the foreskin and with..feels much better with the foreskin even if I use lube without...just saying, respect his wishes to keep the foreskin.


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## takris (Sep 22, 2010)

Haven't had to deal with this issue, but wondered why he is afraid to take care of something that would open up doors to meeting your needs (and his)?

Is he afraid of having erections while it is healing from circumcision? Or is it cultural with his background.

Years ago, I worked for a small company that suddenly offered free birth control surgeries. My wife couldn't have her tubes tied because our hospital was catholic, but a local urologist was supporting vasectomies. Several of my coworkers, who had mentioned an interest, never followed up. One guy said it was because these guys were sensitive about the size of their 'package'. 

Maybe you could help him through whatever is causing his resistance. It would be a pity that such a small issue (yes, a joke!) could prevent mutual satisfaction.


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## drock (Dec 4, 2010)

How old is he that he can't bring his foreskin backward? This usually resolves very early during teen years or even earlier. As far as you not going down on him because of it, I think it's more an issue of cleanliness and not foreskin. You have to wash whether you have a foreskin or not. Or maybe you have a "preference" for a circumcised man. Does he have a condition called Paraphimosis maybe? This is where the foreskin cannot retract in an adult. If he doesn't want to get circumcised then maybe he can opt to getting a frenulectomy and that might solve it. In any case I would have him go see a proctologist or urologist.
Good luck


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## jessiko555 (Dec 2, 2010)

We've looked at many options and he refuses to talk about it or do anything about it, even though he knows what it ultimately leads to (unsatisfied sex life on both parts).

He's 30yrs old and refuses to even talk to a doctor about it. I've tried to pull it back slowly but he freaks himself out once he starts feeling ANYTHING.

I don't care if they are circumsized or not, just as long as they can pull it back and clean it. He doesn't do that.


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

I know exactly what you mean! my H has foreskin and it kills the mood. we cant have sex without a condom. i hate going down on him. its really depressing. Ive asked him just to clean underneath, or something. He doesnt do it though. I want him to get it removed but that's not going to happen. i really have no solutions for you, sorry. but i know how frustrating it is.


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

jessiko555 said:


> We've looked at many options and he refuses to talk about it or do anything about it, even though he knows what it ultimately leads to (unsatisfied sex life on both parts).
> 
> He's 30yrs old and refuses to even talk to a doctor about it. I've tried to pull it back slowly but he freaks himself out once he starts feeling ANYTHING.
> 
> I don't care if they are circumsized or not, just as long as they can pull it back and clean it. He doesn't do that.


He needs to get checked out. It's inflamed and he risks infection.

This is one case where being told to "man up" is the mature thing to do.

He'll feel better once he restores normality and cleanliness.

And so will you, btw.


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## Atholk (Jul 25, 2009)

Blanca said:


> Ive asked him just to clean underneath, or something. He doesnt do it though.


It's 100% unacceptable that a man doesn't keep his penis clean.

How very vile.


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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

Atholk, I agree. I mean... would anyone expect you to kiss them if they did not brush their teeth?


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

First I have ever heard that having a foreskin could actually be problematic when it comes to sex. So, I've definitely learned something. I was previously used to being told that I was sexually mutilated at birth 

On the other hand, not staying tidy is just lazy, and like Athol said, just plain vile.


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

Was he not taught how to properly wash himself? I mean, both our boys are uncut but we taught them from a very young age how to properly care for themselves. There isn't much to it. 
I also agree with Althol, I think it is totally irresponsible and just plain disgusting. Even using a condom, IT WOULD NOT HAPPEN. 
I also agree with Michzz. At this point, his total lack of proper care has caused it to become infected and now painful to wash. He needs to see a doctor, get antibiotics and learn to properly care for that area.


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

takris said:


> Haven't had to deal with this issue, but wondered why he is afraid to take care of something that would open up doors to meeting your needs (and his)?
> 
> Is he afraid of having erections while it is healing from circumcision? Or is it cultural with his background.
> 
> ...


Takris,
A vasectomy doesn't change the size of anything. If anything, it makes sex better as there is no longer a worry about pregnancy. Hubbie had it done at 26 (yes, we already had two kids) and we were at a football game 6 hours later. Nothing has changed with his size, never.


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

vthomeschoolmom said:


> Atholk, I agree. I mean... would anyone expect you to kiss them if they did not brush their teeth?


funny you mention that b/c mine does. he had an abscessed tooth that i could literally see the bacteria growing on yet he still thought i was unreasonable when i told him i wouldnt kiss him until he had the tooth removed.


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

Okay, now I am happy that I haven't had much to eat today. Blanca, seriously?


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

oh ya, seriously. his breath smelled like sewage. it was foul. i could see the black mold growing around his gums. for months he wouldnt get it removed and pouted when i wouldnt kiss him, and eventually the smell was so strong i wouldnt let him get close to my face.


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

OMG! That is foul, Blanca. Just awful. Eeeeep!!


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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

> I also agree with Michzz. At this point, his total lack of proper care has caused it to become infected and now painful to wash. He needs to see a doctor, get antibiotics and learn to properly care for that area.


:iagree:


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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

God, Blanca. I am glad I haven't eaten breakfast yet.


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## bumpgrind1 (Mar 29, 2010)

Cancel the tonsil hockey game!!!!


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## Mrs Chai (Sep 14, 2010)

jessiko555 said:


> There are a number of positions we can't do, like when I go on top, his foreskin gets pushed down and it really hurts him.
> 
> I refuse to go down on him without a condom because unless he pulls that back and cleans it, there's no way I'm putting my mouth on that.
> 
> ...


Doesn't seem fair that he will only have sex on his terms, does it? If it's a loving relationship, he should care about your wants and needs with sex as well.

He should be cleaning himself, otherwise he risks complications and infection. It's very important that you have good hygiene with an uncircumcised penis. That's why circumcision was began, to help with the cleanliness of keeping clean!

Think its time to have a serious talk!


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## sntdwn2ufrmhvn (May 20, 2010)

ohh, this makes me sad. only b/c i just had a baby and due to the hospital not being upfront with me about the total cost of the circumcision i wasn't able to get it done. they told me $200, ended up being $400. we literally didn't have it at the time;


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## jessiko555 (Dec 2, 2010)

Thank you for all the insight, I've talked with him again, and bluntly told him I'm unhappy with our sex life.

He said he will try pulling it back every once in awhile, and hopefully he will get used to it. It's just so frustrating having to sleep with only one person and that one person has such HUGE restrictions!!!

We can't even do other positions because it will hurt him OR he just lays there like a dead starfish. like, HELLO?!?! what if I just laid there and didn't contribute if our positions were reversed.

Ugh, I should do a pre-screening next time during first dates


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## HappyClappy (Nov 23, 2010)

I am reading all this and am surprised that there is someone out there suffering with similar issues. my H has foreskin and refuses to clean properly, I used to refuse to carry on sex if I knew he hadn't washed. But now he's worse, he hardly showers, so we don't have sex, we haven't had sex for months, maybe more than six, I don't even count. It's an absolute no from me. I went through every option I could think of, including doctors, but he doesn't really do anything. When we do have sex, he gets bladder infection afterwards, so it became a nightmare to have sex at all. I think her gets infected because there are so many germs down there - yak, so you need to get your hubby to wash/ clean or he'll pay a much higher price of infections. Even the doctors don't take my H seriously now when he goes in with an new cystitis infection, as they worked out what causes it. I am considering divorce, maybe you need to tell him in black & white, clean + sort or divorce. I completely sympathise.


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## drastiq (Dec 8, 2010)

I've never really had an issue with my foreskin. From what I've read it seems that everyone here thus far has had or has (to me) an extreme amount of it. I'm an 'average' sized guy, not to big, not to small. Just, normal? 

My wife and I can complete any position you throw at us and then some. She doesn't go down on me, but it's because she 'just doesn't do that', and I'm ok with that as she more than makes up for it in other areas. 

I've never had to be 'taught' how to care for my penis, to me it should and does just come natural. When you clean something, you clean it. 

As far as your husband getting hurt when you're on top/doggy/anal because of his skin getting pushed back I can sorta see why and early on in my sexual life I learned how to 'fix' it so to speak. When my wife and I have sex, regardless of what position, style, type etc. 
I always find it best for me to begin the penetration with my foreskin up(as in not pulled back) and for lack of a better term or visual, my penis 'unrolls' inside of her. Then after we get going I can reach down and pull/hold back my foreskin while still inside her. We've never had to use lube(other than anal), but I would suggest you try to use it, and if ya do, use more. I mean, ya really can't ever have too much lube. 

If your husbands are just outright refusing to clean it well enough, or properly to begin with then they have an issue and they need to fix it. It's not fair for a husband to expect anything if they themselves are willing to give/do anything in return. 

My wife has had a single complaint about hygiene down there one time. She turned it into a somewhat sexual game and inquires as to "Do I need to show you how to clean it?", as odd as that sounds it was fun and exciting(I have a thing about being groomed in any manner), so maybe try that? On a side note, since that 'game' I've cleaned myself exactly as she did that one time, not a complaint since(She's even gone down on me on her own more often). 
I've always been clean though, but if ya don't keep up on it what starts out as a mole hill can quickly turn into a mountain; so to speak.

In the end though, if he really give a damn about the relationship, the sex, or you he will cave in and 'do as he's told'. I always do,


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## NeedingIt (Nov 14, 2010)

I agree with others who have said that OP's husband (and any other man with these sorts of issues) should see a doctor. I live in a country where pretty much none of the men are circumcised, and they all seem to enjoy "normal" sex lives. Indeed, my own husband is intact, and I can't say that his having a foreskin has ever impacted our sex life negatively. Honestly, I can't really tell a difference at all between his penis and those of circumcised partners I've had in the past, particularly when erect. *shrug*


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## Just1Man (Dec 9, 2010)

jessiko555 said:


> Doggy Style: My fav yet he doesn't know how to do it nor cares to learn. That goes the same for anal.


So let me get this straight... Your favorite position is doggy style and you are into anal and your husband lays their like a dead star fish :scratchhead: ???

I could have a knife stuck in my head. If my wife stripped down, got on all fours and told me to knock on her back door I would delay calling 911 and deal with the knife after the doggy anal sex.

I am THANKFUL my parents had me circumcised. Women prefer the way it looks, easy to clean, never any pain or special prep work, from what I have been told most circumcised men even last longer in bed.


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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

Just1Man said:


> I am THANKFUL my parents had me circumcised. Women prefer the way it looks, easy to clean, never any pain or special prep work, from what I have been told most circumcised men even last longer in bed.


I like uncirced. 

From what I have read, uncirced has way more sensation.


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## Kitty_Kat (Dec 16, 2010)

It sounds like he does have a medical condition, phimosis I think it's called. He should see a doc, but I know how impossible it is to get your spouse to listen. Good luck
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## TLCTugger (Sep 14, 2011)

jessiko555 said:


> There are a number of positions we can't do, like when I go on top, his foreskin gets pushed down and it really hurts him.


That sounds like a short frenulum or tight preputial sphincter issue, which can each be resolved with gentle stretching exercises using betamethasone ointment. 

It also could be helped by copious lube and more lingus before penetration. 



jessiko555 said:


> unless he pulls that back and cleans it, there's no way I'm putting my mouth on that.


And why exactly is he not washing? And who would ever have sex with any man or woman who didn't wash? Odd.



jessiko555 said:


> I've asked him to consider getting circumcised or something but he refuses.


Well, there's a surgical remedy YOU could volunteer for. Just have your vagina loosened. What? Worried it might reduce the pleasure-receptivity of your equipment? Now you know how men feel about giving up the best part of the penis. 



jessiko555 said:


> "considering divorce"


I think that would be for the best. He clearly doesn't deserve you.


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

This is a two and a half year old thread TLC.


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

A special shout out to mom and dad. Thanks for getting me circumsized when I was a baby. I do think the doctor may have cut off a little too much though.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## toxxik (May 20, 2013)

I feel oddly compelled to have a strange conversation with the in laws and tell them thank you since I will never have to deal with this. Ick!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mineforever (Jan 31, 2013)

Wait a minute...big guy is un cut and he is hung like a stallion big and beutiful! He has no problems with his foreskin and he is very clean... l enjoy giving him bj as forplay all the time! The skin is very sensitive and he loves to be nibbled on. Are you sure there isn't something wrong why he can't get his foreskin to pull back...we have no limitationtions due to the foreskin it moves freely up and down.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## livelaughlovenow (Apr 23, 2012)

Mom6547 said:


> Atholk, I agree. I mean... would anyone expect you to kiss them if they did not brush their teeth?


Right or how would guys like it if we didn't clean down there? Jewiz... I clean with a baby wipe all the time just because I never know when Dh is going to be in the mood..... I cannot imagine OP's frustrations... I would give my husband an ultimatum, cleanliness is learned, and can easily be changed. Also with cleanliness he will have less pain, you won't mind blow jobs and when he cleans he can use vasaline to get the skin to get into the habit of staying back. I wish you luck!


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