# Wife says kiss was "innocent"



## tennisplayer (Apr 13, 2013)

Two months ago my wife and I went to a beer festival with her BIL and some other people. Her BIL is really obnoxious and thinks he can do what he wants without anyone standing up to him. The whole time we were there he would pester me by twisting my nipples and putting me in a headlock. My wife was standing right next to me while he was doing this and she didn't say a word. I didn't want to leave because it is a nice event, out of the blue her BIL said to me I am going to kiss you, I said no you aren't, he then put his hands on my face and squeezed then kissed me on my mouth! I said that is disgusting and I was spitting out his spit out that went in my mouth. So while I was spitting, he went to my wife and proceeded to kiss her my wife didn't pull back she smiled and was a willing participant and kissed him. At this point I said how come you kissed him she said it was nothing and it was innocent, meant nothing. I was fuming over this, an hour later we are all standing by a tent and he comes up to me smiling then he pushes me and I push him back. Again it happens, I gave him a good push he stumbled backwards
Then I walk approach him ready to pounce my wife says stop don't hit him, luckily for him another person with us broke it up. Asked my wife how come you told me to stop for? She says because I didn't want you to get arrested, I said there were all kinds of people who witnessed what happened and they saw he started it. My wife's sister allows her husband to flirt and touch other women. When we got home I was so upset that she kissed another man, she says it wasn't romantic it meant nothing. I said affairs start by kissing and most of them aren't romantic. Wife said I am overreacting and it wasn't cheating. Told her her would she like it if I kissed some woman other than her, would that be ok she said no. I asked her what is her definition of cheating is, she didn't answer. How can I trust her if she kisses someone right in front of me BIL or not? I texted her BIL that night and said you are not to kiss my wife ever again, said you can kiss your own wife. He texted back I have no idea what you are talking about, I said keep playing dumb because that is your game. Had to tell my wife a couple of times to text him herself and say what he did was wrong she finally did and he said that, I don't believe I did anything wrong and you are going to the extreme. He did apologize though. Wife's sister tried to kiss me before on the lips, before they went on a camping trip with some friends and my wife and kids she said bye to me and was pretty close, I said bye to her and my wife said she is trying to kiss you, I gave her a hug instead. We haven't seen her sister or BIL in a couple of months due to what happened, they live 2 minutes from us but even before this they always spend majority of their family time with his family, so I really don't care to see them or not. Sorry to put you all to :sleeping:


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## In_The_Wind (Feb 17, 2012)

We teach folks how to treat us I believe good for you and your boundaries I think you had every right to clock him I would have


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## wilderness (Jan 9, 2013)

I don't know about cheating but that is most certainly a very disrespectful action by your wife. Cause for concern? Yes, in my opinion. Time to start setting some boundaries.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

Wow, what a massive jerk this guy is.

There will be no other man planting his face on mine other then my husband ever. If they even attempt, I'd most likely knee them as hard as I can in their privates as self defense. 

It's sexual harassment and never should be tolerated. Your wife was out of line completely by willingly kissing him back.


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## Blue Firefly (Mar 6, 2013)

> The whole time we were there he would pester me by twisting my nipples and putting me in a headlock.


It should have never have gotten past this stage. YOU should have put a stop to this. Is your BIL so much larger than you that you could never physically stand up to him? I doubt it, since you did later. THIS was the point (the first time he did this) that you should have gotten physical with him.

But, since you didn't he escalated.

He established himself as the alpha-dog over you, then he established himself as the alpha-dog over you in YOUR wife's eyes. And, that is where you have the real problem, as she seemed to react positively to him being the alpha-dog.

You should have punched him instead of listening to your wife. You might have been arrested, but it would have been over and he wouldn't have messed with you again (some people just don't understand anything else).

I wouldn't get into any more arguments with him or try to get him to apologize (he won't so why waste your time). I would say one thing to him: "the next time I see you I'm going to break your nose," and then drop it. Don't explain why; don't answer any questions; don't do anything to justify your position; don't ask for an apology.

You're going to have to reclaim your alpha-dog status. If you don't, he's going to be dogging you the rest of your life.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

If this is for real you let another man dominate you in front of your wife. She obviously dug it because she welcomed his kiss. 

Basically the first time he messed with you you should have punched him. 

After he went for your wife, you should have seriously have engaged him physically. Trust me if it were I one of us may have spent the night in jail but the other in the hospital. No joke. Essentially if he was the instigator and toched your wife, you will not get the worst of the legalities.

Now essentially your wife has been unfaithful to you. Kissing like this would be taking an affair to a PA.

I suspect there is more going on with your wife than you know. But basically your wife defending him tells you she wants his advances. I would not keep a wife like this. I would consider my wife kissing a guy back and not defending herself from him, a dealbreaker. Yes. A dealbreaker. She was into humiliating you and had no respect for you. 

Soooo. I would insist your wife go full NC with this guy. I do not care that it hurts family gatherings.

You need to be putting out a vibe to other men that tweaking your nipples and kissing your wife is making a choice to go to the hospital.


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## Starstarfish (Apr 19, 2012)

Given that this was a "Beer Festival" - how much drinking was involved on the part of all parties - you, your wife, the BIL? Was one of you the DD?

Was his wife there? If not, why not?

And - while "he started it" might work in school and with parents, I'm not sure that's neccessarily a cut and dry defense with law enforcement. Granted, if the cops had been called, you might have been able to press charges for some kind of non-consensual sex act, but as another posted pointed it, there's a fair chance you'd have been charged with assault or battery if you had indeed decked him. 

Whether or not that would be worth it might entirely depend on what kind of line of work you do, and how much of a "s#it-storm" might be causes by word of that getting out at work. Or - if you'd missed work as a no-show because you were in jail. 
(I only mention this because I know someone who worked with my husband was fired for that.) 

What were you doing when he was giving the purple-nurples, standing there? Were you expecting your wife to rescue you by saying something? 

This is her BIL, how much influence over the guy is she expected to have? If it was her born brother, maybe, as then telling him to "knock it off" is likely a life-long trait. But she's not really his keeper. I agree she should have said something (I certainly would have) but - I get the sense, given the guy's behavior, it likely would have just encouraged him, and you would have needed to do something anyways. 

I would have clearly told the wife, "I'm not putting up with X's behavior" and said "I'm leaving - are you coming with me?" If she didn't come, well, that says everything it needs to anyways. If she did, problem solved - call his wife, tell her Jimmy can't behave, and will need a ride home. 

You didn't need to leave, but you didn't need to stand there next to him either.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Starstarfish said:


> Given that this was a "Beer Festival" - how much drinking was involved on the part of all parties - you, your wife, the BIL? Was one of you the DD?
> 
> Was his wife there? If not, why not?
> 
> ...


He started it is absolutely a defense once he touched his wife.

I absolutely agree with leaving before this got weird. I get the social pressures. But for sure those types of events with him need to be off limits for both the husband and wife. For sure her BIL and him should not be left alone. 

--------------------------

To OP,

Obviously this guy was not worried about going to jail. If a grown man assaults you and especially if he handles your wife you are on good ground to act physically. Being afraid to get arrested n defendign your boundaries is a total fail. If someone knows this they could tweak your nipples, kiss your wife and tweak her nipples too. Never be afraid to defend your boundaries. If you are not afraid then no one will mess with you. I would rather be arrested than allow a man to handle my wife. GMAFB.

But this puts in question your wifes boundaries or lack there of period. If she thinks this was innocent she may have a habit of these innocent things. Perhaps her sister has told the BIL how wild she is. perhaps the BIL may be an EX for your wife. What is the extent of their relationship? I bet you have no idea. They may have a sexual history.


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## Cdelta02 (Sep 20, 2012)

You and wife need to go No Contact with that family. If your wife doesnt agree, that tells you a lot. That doesnt mean she will not resist, after all this is her sister and her family we are talking about. But I dont see any way out of this, except if you have a sit down with all parties involved and BIL eats crow in front of his wife and apologizes in front of everyone verbally and in writing. The apology needs to be very specific including the kissing. if he is not ready to do that, you know what you need to do.

Even with that, you need to specify in that meeting that he and your W are not allowed to be together alone, period.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

You BIL is a bully and doesn't deserve any more of your time. Neither you nor your wife should be having anything to do with him ever again.

And your wife needs a lesson in appropriate actions with other men.


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

Put your W to the test: demand that she press charges against him for sexual assault...or else.


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

Tell his wife NOW

Also tell her that since you're family and the need will probably arise for all of you to be together at a family function in the future, if he so much as LOOKS sideways at you OR your wife, you'll beat the snot out of him


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

Your attitude:
The guy is not fit to inhabit the air space you breath.
If your wife does not agree with this, then your attidude is that your wife is not fit to inhabit the airspace that you breath.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Your brother in law is an obnoxious jerk. You took an obnoxious jerk to a BEER festival. You are surprised that some stupidness took place? The take-home lesson here is that obnoxious morons don't improve with alcohol. This goober tweaks your nipples, puts you in a headlock, kisses you on the mouth, kisses your wife right in front of you, and you're pissed at your wife? I'm guessing you're more pissed at yourself for allowing this drunk to make you look like an idiot. Why would your wife be interested in a drunk moron? More likely than not, she went along with the kiss because she correctly understood that arguing with the drunk idiot for the next two hours wasn't worth a quick kiss. She was also correct in that if you punched him, you would probably have taken a ride to jail, ended up with a misdemeanor assault charge, probably lost at least $1500.00 in bail, legal feels, court costs, etc....and your BIL would still be an obnoxious drunk. You and your wife would have years of drama with your wife's sister and probably, her parents, too.
Don't hang with this guy, especially if drinking is involved.


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## Starstarfish (Apr 19, 2012)

Yeah, Entropy, I get that. I didn't mean to suggest that one should never physically protect themselves. I just think here, in the middle of a crowd, where people were drinking, walking away was the wiser potential option (on that we seem to agree.) 



> Had to tell my wife a couple of times to text him herself


Also - why this? While I get this was done partly to see if she indeed thought it was wrong, I'm not sure this helped either. Why not tell him off yourself, and assert your wife is off limits? 

And - both the BIL and SIL here sound like very strange people, forcibly trying to kiss other people. Is there a sexual boundary issue in that family in general?


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## Theseus (Feb 22, 2013)

tennisplayer said:


> out of the blue her BIL said to me I am going to kiss you, I said no you aren't, he then put his hands on my face and squeezed then kissed me on my mouth! I said that is disgusting and I was spitting out his spit out that went in my mouth. So while I was spitting, he went to my wife and proceeded to kiss her my wife didn't pull back she smiled and was a willing participant and kissed him. At this point I said how come you kissed him


Well, to be fair, you can't really blame her because you kissed him too, didn't you?

You should have punched him right there and right then. Unwanted kissing is a form of assault. Your wife saw that you didn't react, and it's possible she purposely did it to make you jealous in order to punish you for being a wimp (in her view).


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

I'm with Unbelievable you shouldn't be pissed at your wife.I doubt seriously she has any romantic interest in him maybe just thought he just kissed you now its her turn so she would rather just get that over with than have to have gotten in a FIST FIGHT with him like your solution was.YOU couldn't stop him from kissing you and you are a grown MAN. You should clearly have understood the dude was being a clownish bully and not blamed her.And its not just the kissing..his whole demeanor..headlocks and pinching nipples? How old is he 14? (no offense to all the 14 yos).

Maybe your wife was just trying to deal with it like you would deal with a child or something I don't know but why you are focussing on HIM kissing her and her not what? Punching him or spitting is misplaced.You should not be mad at her for not wanting to wrestle off an obnoxious idiot.

And I agree beating the crap out of someone at a BEER festival who you came with is more than likely to land BOTH of you in jail.

If it was THAT upsetting to you then it makes no sense you "decided to stay" you said you were "fuming" over it then an HOUR later you were standing by the tent and thats when the pushing started.You obvioulsy weren't upset(fuming) enough to LEAVE because you said it was a "nice event"..then expect your wife to be fighthing off an absolute idiot.or O.K with you getting into a brawl?..Doesn't sound like a "nice event' to me.But you seemed to think so.At least enough so to stay.


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

> Your wife saw that you didn't react, and it's possible she purposely did it to make you jealous in order to punish you for being a wimp (in her view).


What was she supposed to do? Pysically fight him?So the OP expected his wife to fight off a man determined to kiss her that he himself a few seconds earlier he himself couldnt stop?And if he would be "jealous' or worried about that guy and his wife its really not saying a whole lot about himself or his wife.


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

I disagree with Dallas.

I think that her reaction AFTER the kiss was somewhat disrespectful to the OP, downplaying something he felt strongly about.

His wife should have slapped the BIL in the face (didn't have to be hard0 to make her point but she chose not to, leaving this door open for the future.

Granted, OP probably should have dealt with it somewhare between the purple nurples and the headlocks but he didn't. I'm sure he'll handle it differently next time (if there is a next time)


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

Toffer said:


> I disagree with Dallas.
> 
> I think that her reaction AFTER the kiss was somewhat disrespectful to the OP, downplaying something he felt strongly about.
> 
> ...


O.K so lets "stay " at the nice event honey but I expect you to be defending your self (slapping people) who are sexually harrassing you and later on I'll beat the **** out of him maybe break a few bones or get a few concussions then later you can bail me out of jail.


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

This has family dysfunction written all over it. Is the BIL married to your wife's older or younger sister? Maybe in a perverse way, the BIL thinks of you as his little brother and treats you accordingly. So while I doubt there is any sexual tension between your wife and the BIL, I do think your wife did play into the role and helped to emasculate you in public.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Starstarfish said:


> Yeah, Entropy, I get that. I didn't mean to suggest that one should never physically protect themselves. I just think here, in the middle of a crowd, where people were drinking, walking away was the wiser potential option (on that we seem to agree.)
> 
> 
> 
> ...


I missed him asking her to text this guy. Yeah that is weird and very weak.

And yes a very weird sexual dynamic in this family it seems.


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

The bottom line is? The OP did NOTHING to intervene or stop any of this but "spitting" when he was kissed himself and later "pushing back" but wanted not only to stay but expected his WIFE to get into physical altercations putting HER at risk defending HIS honor.. then for the grand finale the wife was supposed to stand by while they beat each other up?

How OLD are ya'll again?


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Sorry to hear that y'all live in Cahoulawassee County!

Either the BIL is in need of a few new teeth and rightfully needs his ass whipped or y'all need to quit associating with them! Plain and simple!

Any decent self-respecting guy would have had BIL literally wearing his ass for a hat!


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## Blue Firefly (Mar 6, 2013)

Have you considered that your BIL & his wife are into something kinky?

1) Man-a kisses man-b
2) Man-a then kisses man-b's wife
3) Man-a's wife later tries to kiss man-b

Have you considered that your BIL is bi-sexual, they have an open marriage, and they were trying to lure you and your wife into some kind of spouse-swapping/group sex scenario?

Men normally don't go around kissing other men on the lips (at least now where I'm from) no matter how drunk they are. Yet, he kissed you. That alone, imho, should send up a red flag that there is more going on here.


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

Plan 9 from OS said:


> This has family dysfunction written all over it. Is the BIL married to your wife's older or younger sister? Maybe in a perverse way, the BIL thinks of you as his little brother and treats you accordingly. So while I doubt there is any sexual tension between your wife and the BIL, I do think your wife did play into the role and helped to emasculate you in public.


How is SHE emasculating HIM ?Including as mentioned even later he had his WIFE call the BIL to get an apology.If he wanted to be the big "man" then the time if any to punch him would have been when he kissed his wife.Not an hour later when he was "fuming" AT his wife because SHE didnt punch him defending his own self in the shoving match.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

dallasapple said:


> I'm with Unbelievable you shouldn't be pissed at your wife.I doubt seriously she has any romantic interest in him maybe just thought he just kissed you now its her turn so she would rather just get that over with than have to have gotten in a FIST FIGHT with him like your solution was.YOU couldn't stop him from kissing you and you are a grown MAN. You should clearly have understood the dude was being a clownish bully and not blamed her.And its not just the kissing..his whole demeanor..headlocks and pinching nipples? How old is he 14? (no offense to all the 14 yos).
> 
> Maybe your wife was just trying to deal with it like you would deal with a child or something I don't know but why you are focussing on HIM kissing her and her not what? Punching him or spitting is misplaced.You should not be mad at her for not wanting to wrestle off an obnoxious idiot.
> 
> ...


Her kissing this guy was ok? Wow. Craziness. Just get it over with? Where is the boundary here? 


How much more humliating could she make it? I suppose come back and kiss the guy again. Maybe start unbuckling his belt. Letting him feel her up. A wife kissing a jerk is unfaithful. She did not kiss a child. her kissing him back says I am going to humliate my husband.

And I disagree that either of them would end up in jail. I am not sure where this fear of police comes from. Maybe things outside Texas are just creepy weird. But in Texas if a guy assaults another guys wife this way, trust me the cops are going to understand. But who cares about being arrested? My wife being assaulted by some guy ranks way above that. LOL.


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

dallasapple said:


> How is SHE emasculating HIM ?Including as mentioned even later he had his WIFE call the BIL to apologize.If he wanted to be the big "man" then the time if any to punch him would have been when he kissed his wife.Not an hour later when he was "fuming" AT his wife and defending his own self in the shoving match.


The OP will have to clarify, but if I read everything correctly his wife didn't budge an inch when the BIL was going in to kiss her, and she said it was harmless fun. Maybe I'm reading too much into that comment, but I think the wife was laughing at how the BIL was pushing her husband around. Like I said, I see the big bro and sis vs little bro and sis dynamic in this, and lil' sis was laughing at lil' bro being bullied by big bro.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

dallasapple said:


> What was she supposed to do? Pysically fight him?So the OP expected his wife to fight off a man determined to kiss her that he himself a few seconds earlier he himself couldnt stop?And if he would be "jealous' or worried about that guy and his wife its really not saying a whole lot about himself or his wife.


Hell yes she was supposed to resist. We keep hearing for the ladies on TAM that they can take care of themselves and they do not need a man to defend them.

Indeed his wife returning the kiss was unfaithful to be sure. So I guess if she cannot fend him off she is supposed to just let the guy do whatever he wants. No one can stop him because everyone is afraid of the police. LOL.

Yeah there is more to this story.


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

> Her kissing this guy was ok? Wow. Craziness. Just get it over with? Where is the boundary here?


She didn't "kiss " him she didn't FIGHT HIM OFF..I mean picture it.He grabbed her by the cheeks and kissed her.I can see where she didn't want to have to get into a physical altercation with the guy. And talking about it leading to some sort of make out session with unbuckling of belts and feeling her up and whatever is hyperbole.Sounds more like a drunk fool running around like an ape (no offense to apes) that even her husband couldn't stop him from acting that way.


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## tulsy (Nov 30, 2012)

The wife, her sister and the BIL all sound like people I would not want anything to do with.

OP, I feel sorry for you. For your wife to even argue about it and try to stop you from hitting him? That says a lot about her.


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

> Hell yes she was supposed to resist. We keep hearing for the ladies on TAM that they can take care of themselves and they do not need a man to defend them.


Not if my husband is standing right there WATCHING me I expect HIM to defend me.I physically can NOT defend myself against men(most of them anyway) if they decide to over power me with a kiss..Unless I have a weapon and I know how to use it.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Toffer said:


> I disagree with Dallas.
> 
> I think that her reaction AFTER the kiss was somewhat disrespectful to the OP, downplaying something he felt strongly about.
> 
> ...


His wife should have resisted. Hit the guy afterwards and he should have kicked the guys butt with his wife's full support. If someone actually called the police which would be odd frankly, she would back her husband up that the man had assaulted her.

I have never seen so much fear of the police as I see on TAM. People need to stand up for what they believe. They need their own boundaries. Worrying about the police is being a total coward and not worthy of respect.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

dallasapple said:


> O.K so lets "stay " at the nice event honey but I expect you to be defending your self (slapping people) who are sexually harrassing you and later on I'll beat the **** out of him maybe break a few bones or get a few concussions then later you can bail me out of jail.


Hell yes. exactly. But he would not go to jail because he wife would tell the police the man attacked her.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

dallasapple said:


> The bottom line is? The OP did NOTHING to intervene or stop any of this but "spitting" when he was kissed himself and later "pushing back" but wanted not only to stay but expected his WIFE to get into physical altercations putting HER at risk defending HIS honor.. then for the grand finale the wife was supposed to stand by while they beat each other up?
> 
> How OLD are ya'll again?


Two men in an altercation is one thing. Relatively minor. A man handling another man's wife is a completely different escalation. This is very serious. I mean honestly, the first is often laughed off. The second will get your @$$ kicked at the least and could escalate much further.


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## tulsy (Nov 30, 2012)

Toffer said:


> ...
> 
> His wife should have slapped the BIL in the face


:iagree:


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

Entropy3000 said:


> Hell yes. exactly. But he would not go to jail because he wife would tell the police the man attacked her.


NO..he would tell the police the man attacked HIM and his wife..remember he couldn't STOP him from kissing him.

Also I would be real curious to know how many beers were consumed by each of the ones involved over these hours.The fact the BIL claimed he didn't know that (she the wife) was talking about may not be a lie.Its called a "black out".


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## tulsy (Nov 30, 2012)

Plan 9 from OS said:


> ...So while I doubt there is any sexual tension between your wife and the BIL, I do think your wife did play into the role and helped to emasculate you in public.


I agree...that's obviously how OP feels. Humiliation from you wife is unacceptable...from anyone, really, but from your wife it really sucks.


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

The wife was a willing participant. In the OP's own words:



> So while I was spitting, he went to my wife and proceeded to kiss her my wife didn't pull back *she smiled and was a willing participant* and kissed him. At this point I said how come you kissed him she said it was nothing and it was innocent, meant nothing. I was fuming over this


So the fighting the BIL off is a moot point. It didn't register to the wife that this was humiliating to her husband, or she enjoyed humiliating her husband if you want to take such a negative view of it. Regardless, she was not offended in the least.


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

tulsy said:


> :iagree:


What if he was drunk? Your suggesting a woman should (with men standing around idly by watching) should start a physical altercation with a drunk man that just overpowered another man ?

Doesn't sound to smart to me.


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## Created2Write (Aug 25, 2011)

Actually, to OP said his wife DID kiss the brother-in-law back. She was smiling while it happened, he said. So, absolutely the wife is very, very wrong here. I would never, ever, ever let a man other than my husband kiss me in the mouth, no matter how drunk he was or who he was. I absolutely would resist, regardless of whether or not my husband is there. Why? Why not just let my husband take care of it? _Because the other man is trying to kiss *me*_, therefore it is my responsibility in that moment to make my boundaries clear. Otherwise, I absolutely am disrespecting my husband. And IF the guy assaulted me? Looks like he's going to jail. Hopefully he won't kiss another man's wife ever again. 

Also, let's remember that the wife kissed the BIL back; it's not like she was taken by surprise and didn't have time to react. She didn't even stand up for her husband! I don't know about any other woman, but if some man or woman tried to kiss my husband, I would NOT just stand and smile, drunk or not. He is MY husband. Those lips are MINE to kiss, no one elses. 

Yup. We would have left at the twisted nipples. Don't care who we offend, that is unacceptable behavior.

If I were kissed, after I layed down the boundaries, I absolutely expect my husband to lay down the law. And _that_ is the scene in which I will derive amusement; not my husband being bullied by some kinky, sexually-confused jerk. 

The husband should have left as soon as the nipple twisting was going on, definitely after the BIL kissed him, and the wife should have said something when BIL tried to kiss her. There is no excuse, no justification for kissing him back. None. Those who are trying to minimize her reaction, really need to read the OP again, and consider what they would do if their husband kissed a woman who was drunk and used the same excuses the wife used.


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

Plan 9 from OS said:


> The wife was a willing participant. In the OP's own words:
> 
> 
> 
> So the fighting the BIL off is a moot point. It didn't register to the wife that this was humiliating to her husband, or she enjoyed humiliating her husband if you want to take such a negative view of it. Regardless, she was not offended in the least.


Right and he was soooo humiliated he stayed because it was a really nice event..Sorry not adding up.I was FUMING and humiltated ..BUT I stayed because it was such a nice event.:scratchhead:


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

dallasapple said:


> How is SHE emasculating HIM


The wife kisses the man back and does not resist.

How much more emasculating can this get? This is actually a cuckold fantasy type story where the guy gets off on being dominated by another man and then his wife rewards the other man sexually.

Seriously this is a fetish type of emasculation.

Yes a woman who does this is emascualting her husband. Big time. She should have not put up with this at all. They are both at fault but it took hios wife in kissing the guy back to make it emasculating. His wife saying it was innocent made this even worse.

This had to have happened at a trailer park.


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

> Yup. We would have left at the twisted nipples. Don't care who we offend, that is unacceptable behavior.


He didn't say he stayed so as not to offend.He said he stayed because it was a "nice event" (the beer festival).So he was enjoying himself more than he was not OR he would have left.


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## tulsy (Nov 30, 2012)

dallasapple said:


> What if he was drunk? Your suggesting a woman should (with men standing around idly by watching) should start a physical altercation with a drunk man that just overpowered another man ?
> 
> Doesn't sound to smart to me.


What's yours, just stand there and let yourself get molested?

She smiled and was a willing participant.


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

> How much more emasculating can this get?


UM I would say the same man overpowering him and kissing him first?Or maybe the nipple twisting and headlocks?


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

dallasapple said:


> NO..he would tell the police the man attacked HIM and his wife..remember he couldn't STOP him from kissing him.
> 
> Also I would be real curious to know how many beers were consumed by each of the ones involved over these hours.The fact the BIL claimed he didn't know that (she the wife) was talking about may not be a lie.Its called a "black out".


Beer has nothing to do with boundaries.


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

I don't think there is such a thing called innocent kiss, unless two kids kiss in elementary school. And even so, kids will get suspended.

BIL purposely kissed you and her, wife did not slap him,push him, or hit him in the nads.
It could have been a drunken mistake but. I don't see anything innocent about it.


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

> What's yours, just stand there and let yourself get molested?


Yes..If its a matter of possibly ending up with a broken neck/ head split open or even death? I will accept" an unwanted kiss.But I guess I value my life more than some.


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## Created2Write (Aug 25, 2011)

dallasapple said:


> He didn't say he stayed so as not to offend.He said he stayed because it was a "nice event" (the beer festival).So he was enjoying himself more than he was not OR he would have left.


Wasn't my point. 

Yes, they should have left. He was wrong to put a stupid festival before his own personal comfort. 

BUT, that does not negate the wife's responsibility to resit another man kissing her. Moreover, kissing him back. 

What if this had been in a completely different setting between complete strangers? Would it have been acceptable to kiss a stranger? What if the husband had been the one approached by a woman and kissed and he kissed her back? 

NO ONE should accept a kiss on the mouth from anyone other than their SO, and they certainly shouldn't kiss them back.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

dallasapple said:


> Not if my husband is standing right there WATCHING me I expect HIM to defend me.I physically can NOT defend myself against men(most of them anyway) if they decide to over power me with a kiss..Unless I have a weapon and I know how to use it.


Well darlin ( T E X A S term of endearment ) if I was your hubby I would have torn this guy a new one for sure if this happened. It would have been legendary. 

But we hear from the ladies here that they can defend themselves. But the issue that you keep ignoring is that she kissed him back. Then she told her hsuband to not engage with this guy ... so that is 2. And then she said it was innocent. Three strikes. Sit her back on the bench. She did not demonstrate reasonable boundaries in kissing the guy back. She needed to put up a resistance and not kissed the guy back. Where would it end?


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

Entropy3000 said:


> Beer has nothing to do with boundaries.


Yes it does.Its called "loss of inhibition".many many many people do stupid **** they would have never have done and sometimes don't even remember doing while intoxicated.

Its not an excuse though ..once you have done it ..then you need to quit drinking.


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## Created2Write (Aug 25, 2011)

So, a wife is expected to accept all kisses from any man who wants one on the justification that she could get injured if she refuses?

I would rather die knowing that I stood up for my marriage and my boundaries, than live knowing I let men do whatever they wanted to me. But I guess I value my marriage more than some.


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

> Well darlin ( T E X A S term of endearment ) if I was your hubby I would have torn this guy a new one for sure.


I appreciate that.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

dallasapple said:


> What if he was drunk? Your suggesting a woman should (with men standing around idly by watching) should start a physical altercation with a drunk man that just overpowered another man ?
> 
> Doesn't sound to smart to me.


If a woman shows no resistance and is smiling and returning the kiss why would another man interfere? She was a willing participant.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Created2Write said:


> Actually, to OP said his wife DID kiss the brother-in-law back. She was smiling while it happened, he said. So, absolutely the wife is very, very wrong here. I would never, ever, ever let a man other than my husband kiss me in the mouth, no matter how drunk he was or who he was. I absolutely would resist, regardless of whether or not my husband is there. Why? Why not just let my husband take care of it? _Because the other man is trying to kiss *me*_, therefore it is my responsibility in that moment to make my boundaries clear. Otherwise, I absolutely am disrespecting my husband. And IF the guy assaulted me? Looks like he's going to jail. Hopefully he won't kiss another man's wife ever again.
> 
> Also, let's remember that the wife kissed the BIL back; it's not like she was taken by surprise and didn't have time to react. She didn't even stand up for her husband! I don't know about any other woman, but if some man or woman tried to kiss my husband, I would NOT just stand and smile, drunk or not. He is MY husband. Those lips are MINE to kiss, no one elses.
> 
> ...


:iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree:

Hanging around was a dumb thing to do. Indeed the wife likely would have not wanted to go. It would NOT have been ok with the husband leaving without her.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Entropy3000 said:


> And I disagree that either of them would end up in jail. I am not sure where this fear of police comes from. Maybe things outside Texas are just creepy weird. *But in Texas if a guy assaults another guys wife this way, trust me the cops are going to understand.*


And if it were to occur, say, in rural Texas, the cops, on the way to the jailhouse, are just going to kick his backside a little harder on their own ...and then greatly justify the filing of "attempted escape" charges on top of the physical assault charges already lodged against him!


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

> So, a wife is expected to accept all kisses from any man who wants one on the justification that she could get injured if she refuses?


Who said that? uhh...it sure as hell wasn't me.Hyperbole anyone?

This is "a" situation" hun..with specific circumstances I never said a word about "all " or "any".So please don't quote me when you decide to interject what has not been suggested.


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## Created2Write (Aug 25, 2011)

Even if I didn't know a guy was going to kiss me and I was taken off guard, I _still_ would resist and push away and I certainly wouldn't kiss him back. In a situation like this, nothing should be more important than maintaining trust in a marriage. I doubt that the BIL would have harmed her. Her husband pushed the guy more than once and nothing major happened. Other people broke it up. How likely is this that they would just stand a watch a woman being beaten to death if they broke up a potential fight already?


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

Entropy3000 said:


> If a woman shows no resistance and is smiling and returning the kiss why would another man interfere? She was a willing participant.


It depends..If I knew the guy was a drunk bully?And it was my WIFE he was kissing after just FORCING me to?I might intervene thinking she may just not know what to do?But definately afterward I wouldn't continue to party and hang out with them drinking beer at a festival for an hour because it was a "nice event".


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## Created2Write (Aug 25, 2011)

dallasapple said:


> Who said that? uhh...it sure as hell wasn't me.Hyperbole anyone?
> 
> This is "a" situation" hun..with specific circumstances I never said a word about "all " or "any".So please don't quote me when you decide to interject what has not been suggested.


It wasn't hyperbole. I was genuinely trying to figure out where you draw the line. So if a stranger kisses a woman you think she should resist? But if a drunk brother in law does it you think she should kiss him back? What else should she consent to when the drunk brother in law comes around?


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

dallasapple said:


> UM I would say the same man overpowering him and kissing him first?Or maybe the nipple twisting and headlocks?


No. No way. That pales in comparison. Guys messing around is next to nothing. A man taking your wife in front of you with her willingness is the most humiating thing there is to a man. 

Seriously? You had no idea about this? A man being gang raped in prison pales in comparison to a man's wife giving herself to another man. Her doing this in front of her husband in public no less.


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## Created2Write (Aug 25, 2011)

Entropy3000 said:


> No. No way. That pales in comparison. Guys messing around is next to nothing. A man taking your wife in front of you with her willingness is the most humiating thing there is to a man.
> 
> Seriously? You had no idea about this? A man being ganged raped in prison pales in comparison to a man's wife giving herself to another man. Her doing this in front of her husband in public no less.


I emphatically agree.


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

> How likely is this that they would just stand a watch a woman being beaten to death if they broke up a potential fight already?


Actually no "potential fight' had been broken up already ..that was an hour AFTER the "kisses".

But its true she may have only gotten a broken nose or a mild concussion in response to slapping a drunk man in the face who knows before someone stepped in.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

dallasapple said:


> Yes it does.Its called "loss of inhibition".many many many people do stupid **** they would have never have done and sometimes don't even remember doing while intoxicated.
> 
> Its not an excuse though ..once you have done it ..then you need to quit drinking.


The boundaries never change. There is no excuse to trample on boundaries due to drinking. I have done my share of drinking. Even trailer park drinking many years ago. Choosing to drink is not an excuse to act out. Yes a lot of people even play drunk so they can feel up other women. Being drunk is NOT a get out of boundaries free card. Hey I can drink like a sailor. I was a sailor so I know.

So do you think this was the first time for these great folks to be drinking?

A guy being drunk or playing drunk does not mean he gets to grope and kiss my wife. It is incumbent on me then to make sure this is an experience he will never forget. "Nurse, what happened?" "You copped a feel and kissed another man's wife." "He kicked the bejusus out of you." "Did he get arrested?" "No, but the wife filed charges of sexual assault against you." "How long have I been out ...."


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## snap (Oct 3, 2011)

If you have your principles, sometimes they can be challenged and you'd have to stand up for them.

Allowing another man to humiliate you and use your wife is not wisdom, it's cowardice.


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

> There is no excuse to trample on boundaries due to drinking.


I never said it was an "excuse" .Did I?


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## Created2Write (Aug 25, 2011)

dallasapple said:


> Actually no "potential fight' had been broken up already ..that was an hour AFTER the "kisses".
> 
> But its true she may have only gotten a broken nose or a mild concussion in response to slapping a drunk man in the face who knows before someone stepped in.


You're right. The shoving came after the kisses. 

So the marriage means nothing in the face of the woman potentially getting beaten up by a drunk man? Even if the chances of her actually getting hit is rather unlikely? Even though there were other people around who could have put a stop to it? Even though her own husband is there? 

What about her kissing him back? You haven't responded to that piece of the story yet.

Seriously, what else should women consent to under the justification of potential harm? 

I happen to believe that women are strong and capable, and absolutely can defend herself against a man effectively. And I happen to believe that standing up for my marriage is worth a broken nose. I know my husband would risk a broken nose to stand up for me. Why should I do less?


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

Done said my peace on this.Stand on my opinion.Good luck OP.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

dallasapple said:


> Done said my peace on this.Stand on my opinion.Good luck OP.


Indeed you and I agree that a man needs to stand up for his wife in these cases. Ideally this is a couple thing where they work together.

I think it is telling that there has been exactly one post from the OP thus far.


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## Created2Write (Aug 25, 2011)

Entropy3000 said:


> Indeed you and I agree that a man needs to stand up for his wife in these cases. Ideally this is a couple thing where they work together.
> 
> I think it it telling that there has been exactly one post from the OP thus far.


Definitely. And the wife should have stood up for her husband as well, and resisted the kiss. Choosing to kiss a man on the lips other than your husband in unfaithfulness.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Told her her would she like it if I kissed some woman other than her, would that be ok she said no. I asked her what is her definition of cheating is, she didn't answer.


Serious red flag behavior


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Before you end up with a drunk adult male acting like a 12 year old in public, you get little clues...like the moron tries to put another adult male in a headlock and he tweaks a guy's nipples. A guy doesn't just accidentally end up with a drunk brother-in-law kissing him on the mouth. A few beers before that happened was the time to load the moron up and go home or leave him there. The OP was tolerating mountains of grab-a$$ before this kissing episode, so his wife had no reason to believe he was anything but a willing participant...and the kiss on her mouth was probably just more drunk grab-a$$ in her mind. Should she have permitted it? Probably not, but intelligent adults wouldn't have permitted all the preceding B.S. to have taken place, either.


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## stevehowefan (Apr 3, 2013)

If you had fed him some teeth after he did that to you, he wouldn't have done it to your wife.


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## naga75 (Jul 5, 2012)

like entropy says...it would have been _legendary_.
oh yes.
i would imagine that my wife would have kneed him when he grabbed her face, but seriously...
it should have never gotten that far.
many a friend and i have come to blows over disrespectful behavior. or "pi$$ing contests" as we like to call them. i would consider a man (that i didnt like, no less) putting me in a headlock and twisting my nipples uh, disrespectful. kinda.
thats just me. 
i like bullies.
as a smaller guy when i was in school with 2 older sisters...yeah. i learned how to deal with bullies.
maybe OP likes playing twisty-the-ol-nip?


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

unbelievable said:


> Before you end up with a drunk adult male acting like a 12 year old in public, you get little clues...like the moron tries to put another adult male in a headlock and he tweaks a guy's nipples.
> 
> *LOL. Exactly.*
> 
> A guy doesn't just accidentally end up with a drunk brother-in-law kissing him on the mouth. A few beers before that happened was the time to load the moron up and go home or leave him there. The OP was tolerating mountains of grab-a$$ before this kissing episode, so his wife had no reason to believe he was anything but a willing participant...and the kiss on her mouth was probably just more drunk grab-a$$ in her mind. Should she have permitted it? Probably not, but intelligent adults wouldn't have permitted all the preceding B.S. to have taken place, either.


*ALL of this was over the top stupid crap.*


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## btdt (Nov 19, 2012)

Next time OP and his wife see the BIL and SIL, he should plant a long wet kiss on the SIL in front of them. After all, the wife and BIL shouldn't have any problem with an innocent kiss.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

OP, are you biologically male or female?


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## committed4ever (Nov 13, 2012)

I think he would have gone to jail. 

This happened to me at a function at my H job. He introduce me to his immediate supervisor who had to much to drink. It was asemi formal event. As soon as he introduce before you know it he peck me on my lips. My Husband right hooked him and knocked him to the floor. Said "what the f****is wrong with you. Don't ever touch my wife." you could hear a pin drop. Someone call the police right away. 

His boss told the police he was press charges. The police had got to me and said I could press charges too and I had a room full of witness just like him. So I said yes and when he told his boss and my Husband they were both going to jail. He told the boss I had so many witness he would probably have to register as sex offender. He asked if we were all willing to make it civil nobody would go to jail. That was the only thing that saved my H from going to jail that night. 

Both my H. And his boss got fired but my Husband got his job back when he lawyered up.


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

btdt said:


> Next time OP and his wife see the BIL and SIL, he should plant a long wet kiss on the SIL in front of them. After all, the wife and BIL shouldn't have any problem with an innocent kiss.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


But why only the SIL? I thought this was a whole family affair guys to guys included?Maybe OP should come armed with OH .something FUN like a paint ball gun and shoot his BIL in the crotch..While LOL!!! Grab him by the ears and do a head bang then give him a LONG french kiss...YIPPPE aye AYE THEN go to the SIL and kiss her like Rhett Buttler on the stairs with Scarolette!Then ask them if they want another beer!


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

committed4ever said:


> I think he would have gone to jail.
> 
> This happened to me at a function at my H job. He introduce me to his immediate supervisor who had to much to drink. It was asemi formal event. As soon as he introduce before you know it he peck me on my lips. My Husband right hooked him and knocked him to the floor. Said "what the f****is wrong with you. Don't ever touch my wife." you could hear a pin drop. Someone call the police right away.
> 
> ...


I would have done the same thing. There is a whole other level of disrespect when a boss does this to an employees wife.

Imagine if your husband let that stand? NFW.


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## btdt (Nov 19, 2012)

dallasapple said:


> But why only the SIL? I thought this was a whole family affair guys to guys included?Maybe OP should come armed with OH .something FUN like a paint ball gun and shoot his BIL in the crotch..While LOL!!! Grab him by the ears and do a head bang then give him a LONG french kiss...YIPPPE aye AYE THEN go to the SIL and kiss her like Rhett Buttler on the stairs with Scarolette!Then ask them if they want another beer!


Okay, that's taking it to a whole nuther level of weirdness
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

btdt said:


> Okay, that's taking it to a whole nuther level of weirdness
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


BUT HECK WHY NOT! 

Lets get ready to RUMBLE!!!


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

dallasapple said:


> The bottom line is? The OP did NOTHING to intervene or stop any of this but "spitting" when he was kissed himself and later "pushing back" but wanted not only to stay but expected his WIFE to get into physical altercations putting HER at risk defending HIS honor.. then for the grand finale the wife was supposed to stand by while they beat each other up?
> 
> How OLD are ya'll again?


NO, she shouldn't have been defendig HIS honor (I think by now OP realizes he blew his Alpha moment here) she should have been defending HER honor!


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

dallasapple said:


> She didn't "kiss " him she didn't FIGHT HIM OFF..
> 
> Sounds like acceptance to me!
> 
> Look, she at least could have TRIED to push him back instead of letting his tongue do the walking!


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

dallasapple said:


> He didn't say he stayed so as not to offend.He said he stayed because it was a "nice event" (the beer festival).So he was enjoying himself more than he was not OR he would have left.


Why so focused on why he stayed?

Here's a possible answer - If he and the wife left, she could have gotten on his case about his reation to all of this and how he was "run off" by the BIL

There's a MILLION reasons not to leave an event just because some ahole is there. Again, that being said, Op should have handled it differently

I am still of the opinion that he should make a call to the BIL and the BILs wife and inform them that if he EVER tries ANYTHING like that again, he'll get his head shoved so far up his butt it'll take a week to remove it.

Heck, the Op may even gain back some of the credibility he lost with his wife this way!


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## naga75 (Jul 5, 2012)

Toffer said:


> Heck, the Op may even gain back some of the credibility he lost with his wife this way!


probably not.
action > words.

cant hurt to try though.


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

Agreed


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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

tennisplayer said:


> . We haven't seen her sister or BIL in a couple of months due to what happened, they live 2 minutes from us but even before this they always spend majority of their family time with his family...


So sorry for your troubles. Interesting to listen to the keyboard warriors. I spent 20 years in combat sports and had many incidents where it would be easy to say go ahead and clock someone, but the reality is this is an extremely difficult situation to be in. It can work out so many different ways, and almost none of them good. I had to choke my brother in law out on the day he married my sister. Both of us were collegiate all-americans but he was two weights above me so I didn't have much choice but to use a lapel choke when he took me down. Same sort of situation as OP with a powerful drunk, way out of line, being the aggressor in ways you do not expect coming. My sister was screaming, furniture flying, hotel staff freaking out and I fled town because the police had been called. I never saw him again, and did not see my sister for years. When I did, she told me he had slept with the maid of honor the night before the wedding. 

With this kind of guy you can't be around them. A guy who is habitually out of line, who drinks, and for which violence has already been had - you know what the future holds. All you need is for someone to crack their head on a cinderblock falling over or put out an eye on the edge of a chair, or lose his cool and stuff a broken bottle into your neck, and it is a rest-of-your-life tragedy. 

If your wife thinks it was funny and innocent - I'd take that as a mark of singular disrespect, and inability to appreciate the gravity of this a-hole. There were times that people did things to me and for which I made no reaction whatever, not wanting to be drawn into a stupid drunk's game. But that would be the last time associating with them. Too many things can go wrong without a referee, without rules, and with drugs/alcohol involved.


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## gbrad (Jul 20, 2010)

F-102 said:


> Put your W to the test: demand that she press charges against him for sexual assault...or else.


I have to admit, that made me laugh. Sexual assault? For one, she didn't resist and said it was no big deal afterwards. While it was wildly inappropriate, it was not worthy of pressing charges.


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## gbrad (Jul 20, 2010)

Entropy3000 said:


> Beer has nothing to do with boundaries.


If you drink too much you lose your boundaries. You will say and do things that you wouldn't normally do. So yes, the alcohol matters.


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## gbrad (Jul 20, 2010)

Entropy3000 said:


> No. No way. That pales in comparison. Guys messing around is next to nothing. A man taking your wife in front of you with her willingness is the most humiating thing there is to a man.
> 
> Seriously? You had no idea about this? A man being gang raped in prison pales in comparison to a man's wife giving herself to another man. Her doing this in front of her husband in public no less.


I'm sorry, but I would rather someone kiss my wife in front of me than have anything even remotely close to what you described happen to me. Hell no.


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## gbrad (Jul 20, 2010)

btdt said:


> Next time OP and his wife see the BIL and SIL, he should plant a long wet kiss on the SIL in front of them. After all, the wife and BIL shouldn't have any problem with an innocent kiss.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Only if she is hot.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

just off the top of my head .....kisses to someone elses wife are not innocent in my book.

and the old rule is if she says she only kissed him that means she banged him.

I think a confrontation with this douch bag is in order at the least and if hes married his wife should know about this innocent kiss!


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

10-to-1, the W didn't want OP to do anything because she has to keep things smooth with the BIL (perhaps her AP, as they only live 2 mins. away?)


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

Sorry to sound like the bearer of bad news, tennisplayer, but I'm getting the sinking feeling that, with the way your W is "protecting" the BIL, that there is much, MUCH MORE going on between them than just a kiss.


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

Looks like we can stick a fork in the tennis player. I don't think he's coming back.


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## Dad&Hubby (Aug 14, 2012)

committed4ever said:


> I think he would have gone to jail.
> 
> This happened to me at a function at my H job. He introduce me to his immediate supervisor who had to much to drink. It was asemi formal event. As soon as he introduce before you know it he peck me on my lips. My Husband right hooked him and knocked him to the floor. Said "what the f****is wrong with you. Don't ever touch my wife." you could hear a pin drop. Someone call the police right away.
> 
> ...


Kudos to your husband.

There are some things you stand up for as a man, husband and father. If you go to jail, so be it. I know that is bad and in the long term a negative, but if someone touched my wife or children inappropriately...There would be no "should I? Shouldn't I? What if?" type of thoughts in my mind. There'd only be "where is this MOFO?"

I have a lot of police friends and as much as there's risk to situations like this, they really don't want to be bothered arresting someone who justifiably clocks someone else.


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

Blue Firefly said:


> It should have never have gotten past this stage. YOU should have put a stop to this. Is your BIL so much larger than you that you could never physically stand up to him? I doubt it, since you did later. THIS was the point (the first time he did this) that you should have gotten physical with him.
> 
> But, since you didn't he escalated.
> 
> ...


QFT!

I would never see either of them again and make clear to your wife that is SHE sees them, it will cause her more trouble in her marriage.

Having a gay hairdresser kiss her cheek is innocent. Having a man who FORCED YOU to kiss him and then kissed her is NOT.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

gbrad said:


> If you drink too much you lose your boundaries. You will say and do things that you wouldn't normally do. So yes, the alcohol matters.


Yet again, you miss my point dearest sir. My inability to communicate again no doubt. The boundaries do not change with alocohol. Indeed I understand inhibitions are lowered. Boundaries are not lowered. Boundaries and inhibitions are not the same thing. Your brain me be impaired the alcohol lowering your inhibitions but the boundaries have not changed. If they changed then they are no a boundary at all. We have to be men enough to be accountable. I mean really come on. I can drink myself into a coma and still be man enough to not cross fundamental boundaries. I cannot believe that other men are just less than me. Indeed peiple in very juvenile ways like to blame their behavior on alcohol but that is so lame.
It one thing to be loser with ones speech. It is quite another to succumb to advances physically and / or be agressive physically. I call BS. But no matter. You F with me drunk or sober you will get the same response.

My point is that this is NOT an excuse for anything. The rules still apply. So if you cannot maintain your boundaries by drinking ... do not do it. Drinking is NEVER an excuse to cross a boundary. I know drinking.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

gbrad said:


> I'm sorry, but I would rather someone kiss my wife in front of me than have anything even remotely close to what you described happen to me. Hell no.


My point again was that most men consider their wife being TAKEN is more serious than what happenes to them. YMMV. My assumption is that a man loves his wife and is in a monogamous relationship with her.


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## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

I don't care how big the guy is, the first time a guy kisses me on the lips for any reason, I haul off and punch him in the mouth as hard as I can. I may get my a$$ kicked after that, but I show him I won't just take it.

I mean come on, even the kiss of death is on the cheek.


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## Dad&Hubby (Aug 14, 2012)

sandc said:


> I don't care how big the guy is, the first time a guy kisses me on the lips for any reason, I haul off and punch him in the mouth as hard as I can. I may get my a$$ kicked after that, but I show him I won't just take it.
> 
> I mean come on, even the kiss of death is on the cheek.


Plus if you know 2 important details, it almost doesn't matter the size of the other guy.

1. Hit with your index and middle finger knuckles.
2. Punch THROUGH the person, don't think of it as an impact.

You do those two things, you'll be surprised how many guys don't get back up or when they get back up, they're not looking to fight you.


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## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

*Re: Re: Wife says kiss was "innocent"*



Dad&Hubby said:


> Plus if you know 2 important details, it almost doesn't matter the size of the other guy.
> 
> 1. Hit with your index and middle finger knuckles.
> 2. Punch THROUGH the person, don't think of it as an impact.
> ...


Good to know!


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

sandc said:


> I don't care how big the guy is, the first time a guy kisses me on the lips for any reason, I haul off and punch him in the mouth as hard as I can. I may get my a$$ kicked after that, but I show him I won't just take it.
> 
> I mean come on, even the kiss of death is on the cheek.


Dam right sandc!

If some guy has his lips on my wife's, he dam well better be giving her CPR or someone's going to need to revive him in short order!


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

tennis player, if you are still lurking, no you aren't overreacting.

Yes, she's wrong. We aren't sure the BEST course of action, but he's a d*ck, she's out of line, and you should have gotten away earlier. Lessons learned.


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## Topical storm (Mar 30, 2013)

I never seen so many people scared of the police as I have on this site. I've seen many fights and been in a few myself. Never started them or went looking for them, but I can honestly say that I have never seen police called for a fight. Most fights last about 30 seconds to a minute and then someone always breaks it up. You can't worry about the police coming an arresting you, especially for a cause like this. 9 times out of 10 no one will call the police and if they do come just because you punched a man kissing your wife they probably won't charge you.

Next time you see this man and his wife you give her a kiss and a slap on her a$$, if he objects and gets his feathers ruffled you hit him on site. If you don't want to kiss his saliva infested lipped wife then you deck him on site. No questions asked, no punch coordinator just wind up and punch. Just like that.

Now as far as your wife. It may be time to serve her with divorce papers. Yes it's that serious. No woman should kiss another man in front of her husband. You have to let her know how serious this is. I don't tolerate that type of disrespect. You shouldn't either.


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## tennisplayer (Apr 13, 2013)

Thanks for all the replies, yes I should have been more vocal and aggressive that day. His wife went out with her gf's she never goes to the event, she allows him to flirt and hang all over other women at any party or gathering. She did pick us up afterwards with her friends in tow and the BIL was playing with her friends hair. He is very controlling and berates his wife in public and even in front of family. I guess she is so used to being controlled and yelled out that whatever he says goes. He curses at his kids and slaps them no matter where they are, when our kids hear and see that they freeze and look at us. Told my wife that is why our kids will not set foot or go out with them any more, don't want our kids in that environment.


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

"He curses at his kids and slaps them no matter where they are, when our kids hear and see that they freeze and look at us"

You need to report him, please don't stand by and allow him to abuse his kids.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

And the real issue is NOT the BIL. He is just one of lifes challenges to be dealt with.

The wife kissing the guy and then downplaying this is the real issue along with learning to assert yourself. It is much better for people to respect you and fear what you might do than to have to kick their butts to earn either. People will pick on a soft target. Sometimes they judge this wrong and you have to let them know right away. 

This issue has not been dealt with it seems.


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

> He curses at his kids and slaps them no matter where they are, when our kids hear and see that they freeze and look at us.


And not only do you not do anything to stop that.(turn a blind eye) you continue to socialize with him?

Why would you continue to socialize with him?Then stand around and complain.I would call CPS (I know I would because I HAVE) and not associate with the likes of him (I know because I haven't) After I knew such as you describe?Why do you continue to voluntarily be around him?


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

dallasapple said:


> And not only do you not do anything to stop that.(turn a blind eye) you continue to socialize with him?
> 
> Why would you continue to socialize with him?Then stand around and complain.I would call CPS (I know I would because I HAVE) and not associate with the likes of him (I know because I haven't) After I knew such as you describe?Why do you continue to voluntarily be around him?


To keep the peace obviously.

'Peace' can be a four letter word at times.


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