# Question to the ladies about friend boundaries



## CouldItBeSo (Mar 11, 2013)

Hello,

This is a question for the ladies. Is it normal to type "xoxo" as closing words when texting, messaging, emailing etc. between female friends and do you do it yourself?


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Yes, I text "xoxo" to female friends, my daughter, my mother, and other people. I also give them actual hugs and kisses when I see them.


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## daisygirl 41 (Aug 5, 2011)

Yes it's normal.
Any other red flags?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

The norm here. Lots of "love you babe" xoxo, kisses and hugs. It is no big deal.


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## inarut (Feb 9, 2013)

Absolutely, with really close friends its normal as well as "i love you" or even terms of endearment. After hanging around here for a while I have started thinking if a guy were to see these messages he might think something was going on. I actually did have an old boyfriend who saw some texts and made an insinuation although I didnt think much of it at the time. Not the case at all! Just really good friends who I really do love and appreciate. They're the ones you can share everything with. They stand by you regardless of your flaws, mistakes, etc.. We have always been there for eachother during tough times....and good times.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Yes, it's normal. No I don't do it cause it gets on my nerves. I have two friends from childhood and they are the only ones I text with "love you" not even H cause he's just not that kind of guy.


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

I don't do it... But I don't see anything wrong with it. These are female to female texts?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

I don't do it but I've had friends sign off "love you girl" or "love you like a sister". If we text more often I'm sure it would be abbreviated down to X's and O's. I wouldn't worry about this.


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## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

Yep... very common.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

> *Mavash said:* I don't do it but I've had friends sign off "love you girl" or "love you like a sister". If we text more often I'm sure it would be abbreviated down to X's and O's. I wouldn't worry about this.


 I feel exactly the same. Never done it myself but would say it totally means nothing... harmless as a dove.


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## northernlights (Sep 23, 2012)

Another vote for common. xoxo, kisses, hugs and kisses, love you, miss you... I say all that stuff to my girl friends. Lol, I never considered how it might look suspicious!


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

I don't typically do it unless I really value the person but it's harmless.A lot of women do this.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Unless there is something else that raises a red flag or two for you, then this is nothing between women. I've been known to say "love ya!" and the like with my girl friends.


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## CouldItBeSo (Mar 11, 2013)

I have a thread about this in the CWI section. 

It was a text message I "accidentally" saw from my wife to her personal trainer (a woman). The full text was: _"that massage was so good you have good hands... we need to do it again with more time and uninterrupted... xoxo"_

It was after I walked in on them while the PT was giving a back massage to my wife. Obviously I "interrupted" them so you see it looks a bit different in this context. Red flag? Though it could also be totally innocent since they are (I assume) good friends.

Edit: also this got me thinking about some of their training behavior. Sometimes I've noticed when they're doing for example sit-ups the PT would sit astride on top of her thighs and place hands on her abs/stomach or hips. Not really a standard way, huh?


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

CouldItBeSo said:


> I have a thread about this in the CWI section.
> 
> It was a text message I "accidentally" saw from my wife to her personal trainer (a woman). The full text was: _"that massage was so good you have good hands... we need to do it again with more time and uninterrupted... xoxo"_
> 
> ...


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

well that changes things a bit.Why ask the question without including those details?


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

ScarletBegonias said:


> well that changes things a bit.Why ask the question without including those details?


No kidding! I hate when half the story is posted in one section and you have to go digging in another to find the WHOLE story.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

well yeah I mean it just seems like a way to get the answers you need to hear rather than getting the real answers based on the facts of the situation.

Maybe the answers given by people in CWI were too much for OP to cope with right now.


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## CouldItBeSo (Mar 11, 2013)

I apologise for not giving the whole story. I just wanted to have a woman's viewpoint since most all answers in the other thread are from men. In my opinion men can't really see certain aspects about this from a woman's POV. That includes me too obviously.

ScarletBegonias, you could be right maybe I just don't really want too see what's in front of me.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

ScarletBegonias said:


> well yeah I mean it just seems like a way to get the answers you need to hear rather than getting the real answers based on the facts of the situation.
> 
> Maybe the answers given by people in CWI were too much for OP to cope with right now.


Could be. They were saying to get cams to see if there is anything "not right" about the training... he thinks that's too creepy... but a VAR is ok. So basically, he can handle hearing if something is off, but not seeing it.

Look, CIBS, under normal circumstances, yes, it is fairly normal to text a friend like that. But when you add in the things in your thread in CWI, then it gets more complicated. Sure, there could be nothing going on between your wife and this woman. But there could just as easily be something going on. You're scared to learn if the trainer is lesbian, bi, or straight... but you're cool with her giving your wife a massage... in your bed, rather than on a massage table. Yea... THAT makes sense. :scratchhead:


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

CouldItBeSo said:


> I apologise for not giving the whole story. I just wanted to have a woman's viewpoint since most all answers in the other thread are from men. In my opinion men can't really see certain aspects about this from a woman's POV. That includes me too obviously.
> 
> ScarletBegonias, you could be right maybe I just don't really want too see what's in front of me.


It hurts to see what's in front of you sometimes and I know CWI can be a harsh place when they shine that laser of truth in your eyes. 
But you have to do what you need to do in order to protect yourself and your heart.I completely understand needing a woman's viewpoint.

FWIW,I feel with the details you gave,you need to do some digging hon.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

CouldItBeSo said:


> I apologise for not giving the whole story. I just wanted to have a woman's viewpoint since most all answers in the other thread are from men. In my opinion men can't really see certain aspects about this from a woman's POV. That includes me too obviously.
> 
> ScarletBegonias, you could be right maybe I just don't really want too see what's in front of me.


You had two women (now three, since I just posted there as well) and even at least two men who usually err on the side of NOT calling something infidelity right away... those two men each said "something's up." When you have men saying that, when they usually aren't so quick to jump on the "cheating bandwagon", you KNOW there's something worth checking into more thoroughly. I agree with those who posted in the other thread.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

I don't see anything wrong with the xoxo scenario, as such, but combined with the body straddling on the bed with the PT - it sounds a little off.


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## CouldItBeSo (Mar 11, 2013)

Maricha75 said:


> Could be. They were saying to get cams to see if there is anything "not right" about the training... he thinks that's too creepy... but a VAR is ok. So basically, he can handle hearing if something is off, but not seeing it.
> 
> Look, CIBS, under normal circumstances, yes, it is fairly normal to text a friend like that. But when you add in the things in your thread in CWI, then it gets more complicated. Sure, there could be nothing going on between your wife and this woman. But there could just as easily be something going on. You're scared to learn if the trainer is lesbian, bi, or straight... but you're cool with her giving your wife a massage... in your bed, rather than on a massage table. Yea... THAT makes sense. :scratchhead:


I think seeing is definitely worse than hearing but that's my opinion of course. I bought a pen cam though so we'll see.

I don't think I actually have a way to get to know her orientation without making my wife suspicious if they are indeed having something sexual going on.


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## CouldItBeSo (Mar 11, 2013)

ScarletBegonias said:


> *It hurts to see what's in front of you sometimes and I know CWI can be a harsh place when they shine that laser of truth in your eyes.*
> But you have to do what you need to do in order to protect yourself and your heart.I completely understand needing a woman's viewpoint.
> 
> FWIW,I feel with the details you gave,you need to do some digging hon.


Wow, that sounded so poetic. 

Yeah, I guess I need to do some digging.


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## CouldItBeSo (Mar 11, 2013)

Cosmos said:


> I don't see anything wrong with the xoxo scenario, as such, but combined with the body straddling on the bed with the PT - it sounds a little off.


Yes, I agree it does.


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## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

coulditbeso - I've been a PT for 20 years (on and off). You do form a close bond with some of your clients and you do (quite often) touch their bodies when coaching technique with various movement.. all very normal

Have never straddled a client before though... not ever. I also train with other PT's...they've never straddled me either.

Your gut instinct is important here... your gut is telling (shouting) you something. I would certainly keep snooping... for a while longer.

But do keep in mind that they may simply be bonding during this time of change...often the journey to fitness and health is as much a emotional one as a physical one.... especially for women (and men) in their middle years.


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## CouldItBeSo (Mar 11, 2013)

waiwera said:


> coulditbeso - I've been a PT for 20 years (on and off). You do form a close bond with some of your clients and you do (quite often) touch their bodies when coaching technique with various movement.. all very normal
> 
> Have never straddled a client before though... not ever. I also train with other PT's...they've never straddled me either.
> 
> ...


Logical assumption would be for the straddling that when you do "sit-ups" you have a counter weight on the legs to make it easier to do. They just do the uncommon version with legs straight and not bent. Though hands on abs' is so-so.


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## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

Hummm..... straddling/weighting the legs during a sit up causes the leg flexors to work overtime (and strains the lower back)...instead of the abs doing the work. The abs still work but to a lesser degree. I've never trained anyone other than sprinters and sports people needing power for fast running/sprints (like in football) that wanted/needed to train their hip flexors. 

This has been common knowledge in the fitness industry for many years, although my 110 year old yoga teacher does straight leg ab work and a few other die-hard muscle-heads at the gym stick with the old school approach. But it's very outdated.

I do touch abs when people are training them because so many people are disconnected from their bodies and strain in the neck/upper shoulders when trying to do sit ups/crunchies etc... the hand on the abs is to remind them where the contraction/tension should be felt.

I stick by my first comment...no it's not standard practice to straddle your clients... male or female.


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## elizabethdennis (Jan 16, 2013)

Yes it's totally normal. I always end sms for my girlfriends with xoxo.


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## CouldItBeSo (Mar 11, 2013)

waiwera said:


> Hummm..... straddling/weighting the legs during a sit up causes the leg flexors to work overtime (and strains the lower back)...instead of the abs doing the work. The abs still work but to a lesser degree. I've never trained anyone other than sprinters and sports people needing power for fast running/sprints (like in football) that wanted/needed to train their hip flexors.
> 
> This has been common knowledge in the fitness industry for many years, although my 110 year old yoga teacher does straight leg ab work and a few other die-hard muscle-heads at the gym stick with the old school approach. But it's very outdated.
> 
> ...


I guess if the abs muscles are weak it's better to have someone hold your legs? At least until you get better at it. It's unusual though I agree it could be just an excuse to have unnecessary contact. Though I would see the abs touching more intimate than straddling.


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## northernlights (Sep 23, 2012)

Has your wife had a baby? It's possible that your wife's PT is gently pushing her abs back together if she has diastasis recti--a separation of the abdominal muscles that's common after pregnancy. Does your wife's PT also do post-partum physical therapy?

On the bed is weird though. Unless, since she comes to your house for the training and you guys don't have a nice mat like the gym, it's the only spot that doesn't hurt her back?

I could see this going either way. Snoop, but don't get too worried just yet.


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## CouldItBeSo (Mar 11, 2013)

northernlights said:


> Has your wife had a baby? It's possible that your wife's PT is gently pushing her abs back together if she has diastasis recti--a separation of the abdominal muscles that's common after pregnancy. Does your wife's PT also do post-partum physical therapy?
> 
> On the bed is weird though. Unless, since she comes to your house for the training and you guys don't have a nice mat like the gym, it's the only spot that doesn't hurt her back?
> 
> I could see this going either way. Snoop, but don't get too worried just yet.


No babies, at least not yet. The PT is a trained physiotherapist. She comes to our place regularly and they train in a room we have for work out.


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## TheGoodWifey (Apr 14, 2014)

yes, to almost ALL the people in my life whom I love and care for


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