# Burnt out on career



## zookeeper (Oct 2, 2012)

I've been in technical sales for my entire adult career which totals over 20 years. I've been at my current job for about 3 years and have to say I am burned out.

I typed several long paragraphs detailing the job and my issues, but I realized that that really doesn't matter. Fact is, I feel trapped. I make pretty good money, right at the top of my field. We're not rich by any mean, but my career has allowed me to enable my wife to finish college and be a SAHM. 

I dread getting up most mornings to go to work. I fantasize about just pulling the company car to the side of the road, throwing the cell phone in the back seat and walking away. Not quitting, not telling anyone off, just never spending another second of my life doing this job that has no meaning to me. Oddly enough, I also live with the fear of losing my job. My industry has become volatile and the forecast for the next couple years is not encouraging. 

Anyone else feel this way? I've never experienced such a long, deep funk over career before. Granted, I have never been in such a stressful, unhappy relationship before and I have no doubt the two are related. 

What did you do to get out of it? Did you radically change your career, take the big pay cut and find happiness? Did you get divorced and find your passion for your work again? Did you just suck it up and decide that men have to do what men have to do? Regale me with your stories. I'm not really looking for solutions, just to share experiences and perspectives.


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

I'm not a man but, I had to deal with an employee that did just that, abandon the company car and left. Are you unhappy with the company or your profession? Can you switch places with your wife? Have her work and you take a break? I would suggest you quit formally, but don't blame you if you walk out. I have felt that awful feeling before, I rather cut off an arm than to go back. I have also supported my husband's decision to quit a job he hated. Life is too short to live unhappy, but you need a plan.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## zookeeper (Oct 2, 2012)

No worries, I'm not going to walk away. It's just a fantasy, I'm too responsible for such things. Damn wholesome values!

It's both the company and the job itself. 

My wife has pretty much told me she won't go back to work. Even if she did, she would be unlikely to make more than about a third of what I do. Probably closer to a quarter. If it tightened my belt enough to make that work, I would probably cut myself in half.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Enginerd (May 24, 2011)

zookeeper said:


> I've been in technical sales for my entire adult career which totals over 20 years. I've been at my current job for about 3 years and have to say I am burned out.
> 
> I typed several long paragraphs detailing the job and my issues, but I realized that that really doesn't matter. Fact is, I feel trapped. I make pretty good money, right at the top of my field. We're not rich by any mean, but my career has allowed me to enable my wife to finish college and be a SAHM.
> 
> ...


I'm in the same place. I'm pretty disollusioned with High Tech these days and have come to understand the true nature of my relationship with the corporation. I'm nothing more then an expendable asset. I try to detatch from my job as much as possible. Essentially I look for satisfaction in other areas of my life such as my marriage, fatherhood, various hobbies and preparing for retirement. I have to play the game for a while longer so I'm looking for a new job right now. I think new environment will help bridge a couple of years.


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## Davelli0331 (Apr 29, 2011)

It's one thing to accept that work isn't always fun and that usually we'd rather be at home.

It's another to hate your job so much that you can't even enjoy your evenings or weekends because all you can think about is how much you hate your job. Life is too short for that sh!t.

I'm also in IT (software developer). I have been where you are twice. Once I was so burnt out that I was considering going back to school and changing career fields completely.

Both times I found another job in the same field. The first job switch, I was so desperate that I didn't really vet the team or the company that I went to, and within a few years I was just as dissatisfied there. The second job switch, I interviewed like a MFer and made sure to be as selective as I could. I've been at this job 1.5 years and so far all that vetting has paid off.

We spend more waking time at or jobs than we do with our families. It is not worth sticking it out at a job you hate. As a field I've found IT to be highly prone to burnout as we get into the field because we love the technical puzzles but we eventually get tired of the politics, personalities, and egos.

Are there any upward opportunities at your current company? Manager/supervisor roles? Are there any such roles at other companies that do similar work? Are there any openings for what you do at any other companies? Or do you hate what you do so badly that you want a complete change? If so, do you have any professional skills that would transfer to a different role?

ETA: Have you thought about consulting, striking out on your own? Or perhaps some sort of public speaking/seminars? Those can also be highly lucrative while still allowing you to leverage your experience but without having to actually do it for a particular company anymore.


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## RClawson (Sep 19, 2011)

I am a former corporate guy who was fast tracking about 10 years ago. I gave it all up for the reasons you have mentioned and started my own business. Two in fact. I had fun and lost a bunch of money. Now I work for a large family owned business and work 4 days a week and I love what I do. I will never have a "corporate" job or work for a publicly held company ever again.

Op you are a salesman and you are obviously good at what you do. Start looking for a job where you can believe in what you are selling. If you have to take a pay cut to do it then start laying the framework for you wife now!


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## FormerSelf (Apr 21, 2013)

Dave Ramsey frequently mentions this book when people call in on his show and want to talk about changing careers:

Quitter: Closing the Gap Between Your Day Job & Your Dream Job: Jon Acuff: 9780982986271: Amazon.com: Books


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

It seems everyone is burnt out from work these days


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## Sabariel (Jun 14, 2011)

When my mom was in high school in the 60s, she told her guidance counselor that she wanted to be a forest ranger. She was informed that women get to be nurses or teachers. She couldn't stand the sight of blood, so she chose teacher. She hated every minute of it. Eventually it drove her into a breakdown and she spent the remainder of her pre-retirement years on LTD.

When I met my husband, I was working in an office and it was dreadfully boring. I mastered the job in the first month, and spent the rest of the year turning the crank like a trained monkey. I'm totally not cut out for repetitive tasks, doing the same thing for months at a time. He encouraged me to quit the job and go back to school. I'm so glad I did. I did a BSc in physics and now I'm working towards a PhD, and loving every minute of it.

You'll never be happy if you stay in a job you hate. It will bring pain and resentment into every aspect of your life.

If you have a SAHM who refuses to work, then she can get creative about living on less money, and you can step down into a job you would enjoy. One advantage of staying at home is it gives her the opportunity to make things from scratch, cut coupons, repair things that are broken instead of replacing them, and generally spend time instead of money. If, after that, it's still too tight, she could also do childcare for other working parents.


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## Sabariel (Jun 14, 2011)

I forgot to mention, my girlfriend's husband is a SAHD. He makes literally everything from scratch (i.e. starting with wheat to make the flour), mostly because they have a lot of allergies in their family, but also because they went through a period of extreme poverty and doing the labour himself was the only way to make ends meet.

He has severe anxiety, so he is unable to work outside the house. Instead, he runs a business doing custom sewing / tailoring, as well as making bow ties and aprons to sell at comic book conventions and local festivals.

So if your wife is supportive and willing to carry her share of the load, there are ways to make it on far less than a lot of people would imagine possible.

If, however, your wife is not supportive and expects you to maintain the same level of income so she can continue the standard of life she has become accustomed to, with absolutely no change in her own behaviour, then I would be doing some serious introspection about whether or not your needs can be met in a marriage with someone who doesn't support you.


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## Davelli0331 (Apr 29, 2011)

Sabariel said:


> If, however, your wife is not supportive and expects you to maintain the same level of income so she can continue the standard of life she has become accustomed to, with absolutely no change in her own behaviour, then I would be doing some serious introspection about whether or not your needs can be met in a marriage with someone who doesn't support you.


I agree with this. I find it a bit selfish that in spite of how miserable you are your W refuses to go back to work to help carry the load. Marriage is a team effort, after all, though I guess we don't have the full story here as I see you've made passing references to your marriage being on the rocks as well.


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

Davelli0331 said:


> I agree with this. I find it a bit selfish that in spite of how miserable you are your W refuses to go back to work to help carry the load. Marriage is a team effort, after all, though I guess we don't have the full story here as I see you've made passing references to your marriage being on the rocks as well.


I agree, I was awful to see my husband drained by the job he hated, I remember asking him to quit many times. I also helped him plan his exit, he found a better job, more pay less stress, and less hours.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## OhGeesh (Jan 5, 2010)

zookeeper said:


> I've been in technical sales for my entire adult career which totals over 20 years. I've been at my current job for about 3 years and have to say I am burned out.
> 
> I typed several long paragraphs detailing the job and my issues, but I realized that that really doesn't matter. Fact is, I feel trapped. I make pretty good money, right at the top of my field. We're not rich by any mean, but my career has allowed me to enable my wife to finish college and be a SAHM.
> 
> ...


I loathe Dave Ramsey freaking pendulum swinger just like Hannity!!

As far as you OP, I'm all about the $$$ I don't like my job, but I like my life, like what my job provides me, ideally I wouldn't work at all. I don't need a career for validation I need it for $$.

If I won the lottery I would work another day of my life!! Good luck happiness is a choice everything has a risk/reward.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

Been there too, OP. I'd progressed to a point where I was making enough money I couldn't bring myself to ditch the job, but I was miserable, and made my family miserable in the process. Oddly enough, what got me out of the situation is exactly what you're afraid of. I got laid off. 5 months unemployed, wrecked finances, etc. When I finally got a job again, it was through a stroke of luck and I ended up doing something completely different (barely qualified, but hey) for a company I'd previously worked for. I make about a third less than I did at the time, but I'm much happier now. I won't say I ENJOY my job, but I don't hate it, and that lets me focus on enjoying my family.


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## Sabariel (Jun 14, 2011)

FWIW, my H loves his job (railroad construction & maintenance), and plans never to retire because he would be bored. Since he loves it, he works hard at it for all the right reasons, and has moved up from a labourer to a level 3 foreman in only 18 months. Right now he's at his top earning potential there. The only way he could move up hierarchically is by taking a supervisor job, but then he would go from hourly to salary, and basically make 40% less money for putting in 40% more time and 200% more stress.

It can be done, and when you make it happen, it's the best life you can live.

Personally, I would rather live in a tent with people I love, eating ramen noodles and spam, than work another horrible office job that I hate. My husband, on the other hand, enjoys the good life, so it's his responsibility to make enough money to allow the luxuries he enjoys. However, he recognizes how soul-sucking it is to work a job you hate, and he wouldn't do that either, so he made sure he found a job he enjoyed that had upward movement for motivated people.


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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

Perhaps you need more of a challenge. I think too often many of us seek the goals that society says we should and never really think about what we want. 

If you're a man in America today the blueprint basically says have fun until you finish college, then find a career, then make six figures, then find a pretty girl and marry her. I had done all of this by my mid twenties and it was depressing to me to think that career wise i was maxed out and I wasn't even 30.

So I hit the reset button. I quit my job and started my own company. Maybe starting a business isn't what you want to do, but don't let fear of change hold you back. Keep in mind though that people will say you're crazy.


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## Fleur de Cactus (Apr 6, 2013)

Zookeeper,
I was reading how you feel; I thought that it was me, except that I am a woman. Here is my story:
I worked for the same company for 9 years. At the beginning I enjoyed it, it was rewarding. Until 2 years ago everything was fine. Then came layoff, and new regulations. It became hard and harder since the work was double. I started not having time to spend with family or friends. I tried to hold on, hoping that things will get better, but it was worse every month. I started putting more time into job, I did not have Saturday and Sunday , since I tried to work to see if I could catch up. It is not easy when you work in a place you have to meet deadline!!! So many reports and writings. I did not even have time for myself, then I started hating what I used to love. I was like you. Some days I thought going home and sleepin until they call me and I would respond, no thank you, I am not coming back!. Like you I was afraid, wondering, how will I live, how about mortgage, health insurance, but in the other hand, sometime I could not even sleep. I even talk to myself that homeless people are more happy than me. I felt like I have to make my job happy and not other way around. I hated it. I knew I had to do something. I thought maybe changing the position within the same company but I was burned out and did not want to do similar thing. I needed a change. Usually I am a strong woman but Mondays were hard for me. I almost cried every Monday thinking that I have to go to work, to the same place. Guess what I did ! I resigned ! Nicely, I planned for it. I gave notice and my last day is the end of next week. The day I gave my resignation, I went home and had a very good night sleep. I was relieved!!. I did not feel that I want to find another job, since I feel so drained , I have decided to go back to school!! After that, I will change the carrier, that is my hope. 
You do not have to stay there. You can resign . There is not such bad thing that doing the job you hate. Good luck my dear!!


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## zookeeper (Oct 2, 2012)

Thanks for the replies. My wife suffers from a lot of things, most notably depression and PTSD. She is a survivor of childhood sexual abuse. She struggles just to get out of bed most days. To be honest, she could best be classified as diasbled. When she says she can't go back to work, I believe her. There is no way she could take on the responsibility of a job outside the home. I am hopeful that in time, with the right treatment she will be able to start a new career but for the foreseeable future it just will not happen.

It's true that I got myself into this position. I never wanted this career, it was the sensible path to take. It was what I thought was expected of me. I didn't always hate it, though. That has developed over the last 5 years. It is probably in large part to the lack of happiness in my personal life. Living with a spouse who suffers serious depression sucks the life out of you. It leaves little margin for the other stressors in life.

I am trying to create a new path within my company (a rather gigantic organization) but it will take time and some days I just don't think I can make it. 

I lost a job suddenly about 8 years ago when my emkployer suddenly went out of business. I guess i was fortuante that I had found a new job the same day. Big pay cut, awful culture, hated every second of it. After 7 months I moved on to something better and it has taken me until 3 years ago to restore my earning power. The whole process shook me a bit but really rocked my wife's confidence. I would have like to take a little time to react and consider other options, but fear drove me to find work immediately. 

My wife's fears prevent her from being supportive or even understanding when any talk of job issues come up. So I make sure they don't.

I'll keep doing this as long as I must and as long as I have a job. I know plenty of men in my field who would kill for my situation. Some are out of work for years, some are underemployed. I was able to get back on top money-wise, something I attribute to my reputation in my business and my ability. A blessing for sure, but it just doesn't feel very meaningful to me. It sure as hell isn't compensation for all the things missing in my life. My daughter is the one consistent ray of light, but this only makes me more afraid to risk my income.

We are still trying to work our way out of the financial difficulties caused by my employer going out of business back then, irresponsible spending, significant medical bills, etc. Perhaps I would feel more secure if I didn't have these debts, but it will probably be another 3 years before they are gone. 

Naturally, there is a lot more to this story, but I'm not sure it matters. It's up to me to fix this situation or suck it up. so far, I have chosen the latter. It's not working too well. I've always self-identified as reliable, responsible, trustworthy, etc. This identity has always been critical for me. I am struggling with the idea of having these needs, let alone asking others to make sacrifices to accomodate my needs. I need to be the machine that never breaks down, never stops running, never fails to get the job done. Problem is I'm not. I'm way overdue for service. 

Thanks for reading.


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## Nonfiction (May 23, 2013)

i work in finance for hospitals and clinics. in the fall of 2006 i was in the same spot you are. very unhappy at home and very unhappy with work. i told my wife i needed a break. quit my job, took a chunk of money out of my 401k, went to mexico, bought a motorcycle and didn't work for 3 months.

i had no issues getting a job when i was ready to go back, but when i did go back i went into consulting. i worked projects that ran from 3-6 months, moving from company to company always doing something new. that helped until i was ready to settle back into a permanent position.

i wouldn't suggest cashing out your retirement or handling the situation how i did but you do need to figure out how you can make a change..maybe you will need to go without for a few months or take a step backward in pay..in the long run it will pay off mentally and most likely in your bank account because you'll find some happiness and be a better employee and well as a better person.


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## sparc101 (Oct 21, 2013)

I too am in technical sales and have been for many years. And, I too feel like I am in a funk. I quit a job that was going "corporate crazy" and went to a smaller company that appears to be doing the same... I don't know why I am in the funk, but I blame the corporate way of doing business. Sales in my mind is a relationship. Today corporate companies want you to be a relationship guy, a secretary, a data entry person, etc. I feel they have become inefficient. At my company, we have a meeting on Friday afternoon and discuss what we did and what we are going to do. On Monday, we have several corporate meetings and that chomp away at the day. All in all, my enthusiasm to work has eroded. So... I have told myself to find a different job. Anyway.... I hear you..


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## Fleur de Cactus (Apr 6, 2013)

How are you doing zookeeper?


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## zookeeper (Oct 2, 2012)

Fleur de Cactus said:


> How are you doing zookeeper?


Thanks for asking. Pretty much the same. My boss asked me and my "teammates" to get together for a holiday dinner last week and announced how we really need to step it up next year. Right, since I've been sitting by the pool sipping Pina Coladas all this year. Nothing will be done to fix the problems we have with deliveries, product gap, price issues, etc. Just squeeze the lemon harder. 

I'm trying to focus on my daughter. I am actually using up all my vacation days this year, something I have never done in my life. I am planning to put one of my motorcycles back on the road in the spring. I gave them up when we got pregant because I thought it would be incredibly selfish to participate in such a dangerous activity when a child would be depending on me. I have now come to the conclusion that the benefit she would get from a happier, more grounded dad outweighs the risk of a horrible death. Besides, I have pretty good life and AD&D insurance. I'm literally worth more dead than alive. 

Thanks to everyone who took the time to respond. I'll just keep getting by, day-by-day as I have been doing. That's what a mule does, right?


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## Fleur de Cactus (Apr 6, 2013)

Dear ZK, I am glad to hear that you took some resolutions to live you life the way you want. All best wishes for the near year. I wanted to check on you because I have been there. My last day at work was last Friday and I feel a kind of free now. My kids are grown and they understand me , thank God! Others may think I am crazy, maybe they are right! But I had enough and don’t regret anything. My house is for sale and I am going to relocated and go back to school! Crazy thing for others but I am doing what I want to do, after burning out. Maybe after 2 years I will be ready to work again , I hope I will find work I will enjoy. Good luck my dear. Enjoy your family and try to have fun whenever possible. All the best.


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