# Is divorce the only answer now?? Please help.



## melissa8 (Sep 30, 2011)

Sick of feeling this way, am I’m heading towards a divorce? I’ve been married for almost 6 years and known my husband for almost 15 years. The beginning of our relationship was horrible, there was a lot of lying and cheating but he stopped before we got married. 

I was working FT and was laid about 4 years ago. I tried looking for a new job but I was unhappy and nothing paid decent so we thought it was the best time to go back to school for nursing. Granted this meant that my husband had to assume most of the financial aspects, I am working PT and pay for the cable (which we must have for my school and husbands freelance work), electric bill, all the groceries and household items, my credit card bills and gas for my car. I am behind every month as I’m not making enough to cover everything so I have to ask to borrow money from our shared bank account. Husband gets upset and keeps hounding on me to repay the money back. We talked about having a shared bank account but he states that it’s a bad idea. I feel like a child needing to ask to borrow money to pay for things that we need. He keeps on making remarks that I owe him big and that he’s making such big sacrifices for me to go to school and how he doesn’t believe in school etc. He also lacks the respect to say please and thank you, he states that he doesn’t feel that he needs to say it every time and barks things. 

When we met I was really skinny but I was also 17 years old and with getting older and stress of school I’ve put on weight. When we go out in public he stares at other girls and when I tell him it bothers me he tells me that it’s normal and to stop nagging him. It’s not just a glance but stares and looks up and down. He never calls me beautiful, attractive or pretty anymore. I asked him to please say things nice about me and my body and he states, well I don’t want to lie. He was working on a project with a group and this one lady was really pretty and he ignored me and hung around her. When I mentioned this to him and how it upset me he said that it’s no big deal and I need to stop being so insecure and trust him. 

I’ve tried talking to him and telling him of how I’m worried about our relationship and it either goes one of two ways; he gets angry, it turns into an argument and then he says that I need to deal with it or we talk and promise to both work on things and it’s good for a few days and then goes right back to how it was. I’ve been feeling depressed lately and went to the doctor and put on antidepressants. I don’t know what else to do. He refuses to go to counseling too. 

Please help and say your suggestions and comments. I love this man but feel that I’m not being true to myself of staying with him but don’t know what else to do. Thank you.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Sounds like you're being emotionally abused.

I, personally, couldn't stay with someone like that.


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## accept (Dec 1, 2011)

*or we talk and promise to both work on things and it’s good for a few days and then goes right back to how it was*
I think there is your answer.
You dont say how often each scenario is but I suppose they are about equal.
You have to learn how to go about it that it should always be like that.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

The man has no respect for you.

I couldn`t be married to someone who had no respect for me.


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## GoDucks (May 19, 2010)

It seems like if you just went on a depression medication, it's a good time to simply pause and get through each day as a single day. Try not to think about all the things that have gone wrong in the past, and try to not worry about what will happen later. Your body needs to find a balance point, so you can evaluate the issues that really need your attention.

It seems a nice place to start might be a budget - showing your income and obligations, and possibly work out a new financial arrangement. It seems super stressful to have more bills than income, while trying to manage school, too.


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## omega (Aug 2, 2011)

It certainly sounds like you're married to a complete a$$hole. I wouldn't want to be married to someone like that. So for me, yeah, divorce would be the answer. Just for the financial thing alone, there's zero respect there. The rest is just the sprinkles on top.


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