# Husband always commenting on what I eat



## whatiswrongwithme (May 27, 2014)

Hi, this is my first post so I hope this makes sense. My husband and I have been married for 24 years - this is a second marriage for both. It's had it's ups and downs but basically has been good. He is a hard worker, almost to an extreme. He spends most every weekend working in the yards. We never do anything unless he wants to do it. We never go anywhere, If I mention doing something he says he has yard work to do..But if someone else asks him to do something - off he goes. He watches what I eat..If I get ice cream he has something to say about it - He seems to always have a comment about what I'm eating, when I'm going to tan, etc. I finally told him I'm not 20 and I'm not Spanish, if that is what he is looking for then I'm not the one. He is so about appearances, has a huge issue with people who are overweight. He is average weight, no 20 year old guy with a six pack or anything...but I love him for who he is.. anyway - then when I get upset over some of his comments he says he is just joking and I shouldn't take it so seriously.....am I over reacting>?? Also I am 55 and he is 63...I take care of myself and how I dress. I was 120 when we married and now am 140..I have never weighed this much but I'm getting older and I'm defiantly not overweight..I'm 5'6....He is constantly on me about my weight and what I eat and I am sick of it - when I call him out on it he says he's joking and I shouldn't get so upset. I've had guys ask me out older then me to 25 years old. I would never do that, but obviously there are guys out there who must not think I look too bad. Why does he make these comments and should I be offended or am I overreacting....also our sex life in non existent because I have no desire to have sex with him...What's going on here...


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

First, stop defending yourself because you don't have to. Next, start making comments about his body, like when he's gong to the gym to get that six pack. Let him see how it feels, since he's got such a high opinion of himself and his entitlements.
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## moxy (Apr 2, 2012)

He's being a jerk. It's not like you've packed on fifty pounds and are walking around the house in dirty flannel pajamas. It sounds like he's got some issue that he isn't addressing and is displacing the energy into this drama. I think you should try being really candid and discussing the problem with him. Maybe he will open up about what his issue is. If not, maybe a marriage counselor would be helpful; his actions are destructive to the marriage and your self esteem and they aren't okay, but he seems to be unaware of it.


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## staarz21 (Feb 6, 2013)

Ok Well, tell him that when he starts looking like a fitness model with an 8 pack, you'll start watching what you eat.


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

With only a 20 pound weight gain, you really can't say anything. Now, when it gets to be over 100 lbs, then I think the spouse has a right to say something. I know I sure have.


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

Does he say anything about sex?

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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

Seems like he's not feeling very good about himself and needs to drag you down with him. I bet you look fantastic.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

At 55 years of age, with a height of 5'6", you are not overweight. Tell him this, and also that it's your business what you eat (unless your diet is unhealthy - then you might look at this) and for him to stop criticizing you.

Do you think that you've lost your desire for sex because of his constant criticism and lack of desire to do anything with you? If so, it might be an idea to point this out to him and, if necessary, suggest MC.


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## Miss Taken (Aug 18, 2012)

You aren't over-reacting. 140 is not an unreasonable weight, granted that you're 5'3" tall or over. You're not over-weight. Your husband's comments may be just jokes to him but they are hurtful to you.

Him telling you that you are being too sensitive or he's just joking, don't take it seriously is minimizing your feelings and he needs to stop it. Feelings are valid whether we disagree with them or would feel the same way about something as another person or not. 

It's not surprising that you don't want to have sex with someone that critiques you about your body under the guise of a joke. People want to have sex with others that make them feel desired. His critical words, coupled with lack of quality time are crushing your desire for him. 

I would sit down and have a frank discussion about all three. Explain to him that his comments need to stop - end of. That while he doesn't see them as a big deal, it's a big deal to you and it makes you feel less loving towards him because it hurts you. Then if he tries to recant with another minimization of your feelings - look him dead in the eye and tell him do not tell you how to feel that your feelings are valid and he needs to listen. 

I would also bring up the need for date nights and quality time in the marriage and that it makes you feel last on his priority list when he'll deny plans with you but go out with his friends. 

Third, I would find a way in which this correlates to your lack of desire. That his comments hurt your feelings and when your feelings are hurt you don't feel sexual. Also that going on dates and spending time together makes you feel closer to him and in turn, sexual. All the while communicating that you do love him but you need change for the both of you.

If he still doesn't "get it" and makes comments, EACH and every time, he makes a snide remark or a "joke" call him on it. 

Tell him don't talk to you that way. Or ask, "now why would you say such an insensitive thing like that?" Right on the spot. If he say's it was just a joke, tell him that you don't see anything funny about that. I mean it EVERY TIME. 

You can't physically force him to go out but you can make plans and invite him to go with. Whether he turns you down or not, you should still go out. I know it's not as fun as going as a couple but it's more entertaining than watching him clean the yard. If he sees you getting gussied up and going out, it may make him want to follow.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Two words - 'piss off' - ought to take care of it.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Your husband's "jokes" are a passive-aggressive way for him to be an ass and not get in too much trouble for it. Does he do that in other areas?

C
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