# Porn, Porn, Porn, I'm sick of it!



## racemom

I need advice on something. I HATE porn and the fact that my husband looks at it, which I have expressed to him MANY times. He receives Playboy in the mail. I don't like this, but if he's gonna look at it, I WANT to know about it. Any others that I find, he definitely has taken thought into hiding from me. Often, whenever I leave the house long enough for him to come in, he checks out a few websites, then deletes them from the history, however, I can tell he has looked. I am not worried about the kids finding the magazines, it just makes me feel insecure(?) about my body. He often points out that I don't look like I did when I was 18 and why don't I do something about it? I'm not overweight, but I have had 2 kids and do have a baby pooch. He gets angry when I won't have sex with him, but how can I when I know he's been looking at young girls with beautiful bodies. I don't know why, but this has always bothered me. He has done it throughout our 15 year marriage and we have always fought about it. Now that it is affecting our sex life, other things seem to be adding to the problem equation. Am I just being a harda?? Or do I deserve to feel this way?


----------



## GA2009

Sorry to hear about your por problem. My husband denied for years that he was looking at porn but I knew something was wrong in our marriage, so I know where you are coming from.

Last year I found the evidence I needed on his computer and I was totally enraged for a few reasons. First of all becasue he denied it for so many years and caused us so many unnecesary arguments and I couldn't believe he would put us through that, second, because he has developed weird habits that are detrimental to any marriage and also because as you said I felt dirty and compared and it took away from my confidence. I am a mother of three and married for 24 years and I do take care of myself but now i feel like... why bother???

Porn is addictive and just like any addiction it is not easy to overcome. He would need professional help if he has been doing it for that long, I put a parental control on his comp and he hates it. 

He also said he was relief that I found it because he really wanted to quit. I am not so sure about that...I still have doubts ...because he lies alot, he has developed many very bad habits and I blame it all on the porn.


----------



## GAsoccerman

Racemom, I can only offer my point of view.

I can honestly say I have received Playboy for about 10 years, it was a gift subscription from my wife and I have and do view some porn on the internet. I would say I average about 15 min a week. Usually just pics on Project Voyuer or some other site.

Now I can Honestly say I DO NOT compare my wife to any of these women, not the bodies, the faces, none of it.

My wife is SO MUCH MORE then any of these women can be, the intimate connection we have, the sexy teasing, the joking, etc.

My wife is 38, she has given birth to three Children (our children) and also has the "pouch" that so many women hate and the stretch marks. Where as I don't even see them or notice them.

May I ask, Have you ever dressed up? Role Play? you know French Maid? Call girl? Sexy Nurse? Secretary? School girl? Lingerie? anything of that sort? for your husband? Have you ever done a Sexy Photo shoot?

I'll put it this way, I have about a thousand pics of my wife in different outfits and different "roles" in my "collection" for my eyes only of course. I find NOTHING SEXIER then my wife in her "costumes" or Lingerie.

Right now you have a self confidence issue wih your body, when it is all really in your mind, men do not compare their wives to these women on the magazines, they are fake and "photshopped" You are SO much more and CONFIDENCE makes women even sexier.

Do you have a nice Digital camera? When the kids are away (school, grandma'setc) Ever think about doing a " dress up" photo shoot for your hubby? He can be the camera man, the director, you can be the Model, dress yourself up, make up, the whole nine yards, nicely shaved...etc.

I am telling you, you surprise your husband with this, he will be drooling over you, My wife and I do phot shoots ever so often we come up with new Idea's and outfits. You know low cut top, miniskirt, thigh high stockings, high heels, stuff you would never wear in public, but would wear for your hubby.

There is a old saying, " we want our women to be a "lady" in public, but a sexual freak in the bedroom!" 

We want you to be the nice sweet lady and mom in public, but oh do we want the naughty girl in the house when no one is around.....get naughty, send him teasing texts, whisper things in his ear. He will love it.

As I said, I had gotten playboy for 10 years, I've grown bored of it, does nothing for me. But I can hardly wait for me and my wife's next photo session!!!! I am like a kid waiting on a big candy bar. I love my wife's face, hair, smile, body, everything about her...I don't even notice the "pouch" she complains about, I guess I am to busy looking at her chest!  lol

I hope this helps.


----------



## justean

racemom; I'm not overweight said:


> my advice for whats its worth. ask him not to compare.
> but your also causing a complication here, by not having sex.
> because it really is both what you want.
> 
> step over your barrier and enjoy sex with your husband. he might be looking at porn - ?? maybe too often , but the only one he is with is u.
> he sounds like hes only looking .
> you start denying him and he may start wandering.
> 
> take a back step, but one time, take your H . do everything you dont normally do.
> basically shock him stupid as to what you can do. ok the porn might cross your mind- but block it out .
> you can get your sex life back - just give in to it.
> 
> put it this way - if hes not making love with love - he has an opportunity to look at porn , because your also denying him.
> your H is stil sexually active.
> so take away the opportunity to look at porn.
> why dont u , one night put a porn dvd on and watch it together and do stuff together as your watching it.
> change eachothers fantasy levels.


----------



## racemom

I guess it wouldn't bother me so much except for 2 things: 
1) Why does he feel like he has to hide it from me? 
2) Why can't he quit? We have fought over this for 15 years! Wouldn't it just be easier to quit? I don't think I'm asking for a HUGE favor here, am I? 
Marriage is all about compromise and if he can't do this one thing for me, than it kinda tells me where I rate.


----------



## justean

prob hide it for hes on a guilt trip.
how can he quit or compromise - if your backing of from sex. 
your not asking a huge favour - your just wanting to feel the way your feeling because of what he does.
try and come to a compromise for both of you.
i have this type of issue - but with drink not porn.
im far better than i was, because unfortunately he was pushed to a compromise. our marriage or he had to go.
its also a chance i took for my marriage. 
personally take you H to bed.
as for the baby belly, i have a slight one. 
but my mind - well i gave birth to 2 wonderful children.
ok monsters at times.


----------



## racemom

I have only recently started using sex(or lack of) against him. We have many other problems and I have not been happy for quite some time. You can read my other post if you want more info, titled Help, Stay or Go. I just figured if I was miserable for things he is doing or not doing to make me happy, then he should pay. I know thats mean, but thats the way I work, and he knows it. I have been open with him about this issue, telling him if I know he looked at it that day, then he won't be getting anything from me that night. Simple, I think.


----------



## MarkTwain

racemom said:


> I have been open with him about this issue, telling him if I know he looked at it that day, then he won't be getting anything from me that night. Simple, I think.


And the more you do that, the more he will crave the outlet of porn. Simple.

This also gives him a good reason to hide it - if he wants sex on the same day.


----------



## racemom

But all I really wanted was for him to quit, is that too much to ask?


----------



## justean

it is alot to ask to quit, especially if its an addiction.


----------



## GAsoccerman

He hides it from you becuse he knows it makes you feel bad, he doesn't want you to feel bad.

You ahve a low self image of yourself, you need to overcome that and be the sexy MILF you are.

keeping him from having sex will push him to other areas including more porn.

Being sexier and more confident will have him eating out of your hand.

He married you because he thinks you are darn sexy. When you lose confidence in yourself you push him away.

trust me on this


----------



## Blanca

racemom said:


> But all I really wanted was for him to quit, is that too much to ask?


im all with you racemom. my h was looking at porn and i am not ok with it. i stopped wanting sex with him, too. and even though he's stopped looking at it, im still working on wanting it from him. i know some would say that not wanting sex with him just exacerbates the problem, but i stopped trying to control what my H does, and started doing what felt right to me. what he does is his own choice. 

you have to do what feels right for you. its not 'cool' these days to not be ok with porn, but if it doesnt feel right for you, then that's what you have to go with.


----------



## GAsoccerman

Do either one of you women read Romance Novels?


----------



## MarkTwain

racemom-

There are men on this forum, and on other forums who admit to preferring jerking and porn to sex with their wives. The fact that your husband expects sex right after puts him in a different camp.

Blanca's husband was one of the other type. Let's not compare apples and oranges...


----------



## marina72

"He often points out that I don't look like I did when I was 18 and why don't I do something about it? "

So, he's telling you that you don't look good , like you used to, and you should do something about it, And he's checking out porn, and playboy, on a regular basis. And he's naive enough to think you will Want to have sex with him? Ummmm I wouldn't either honey. No, you're not being a harda**... he's being insensitive, rude, shallow and sorry, but kind of a jerk.

I am not into porn, and I don't make any flack about it, and I don't need other posters getting all over me calling me a prude, or freak, or insecure, I simply find it grotesque most of the time, so please anyone who is into that, please don't jump all over me. 

Now, it's one thing, if a consenting married couple wants to enjoy porn together, and if you and your hubby were both into it, and neither one of you had a problem with it, and you had a strong relationship , then it might not be that big of a problem. 

But your husband is busy telling you that you're not hot enough for him anymore, and then going behind your back and getting off to porn , those two things don't usually add up to a wife respecting, loving, and wanting to pleasure her man.... simple as that.

I don't think you're out of line at all Racemom.... I think you need to tell him how much his critisizm of your body, and his porn habits, are crushing your feelings, and likely mutual respect for him. to honest, a man that treats his wife thusly, doesn't deserve her respect.

Porn rarely makes a marriage better. The reason is, because there is usually one person, that does not apprectiate the usage, and sometimes obsession that occurs because of the introduction of that element into a marriage. 
I do know that when my hubby and I had our pre-marriage counseling, our priest (we are english catholic (episcopalian) and it's required for us to get married.... we went over the issue of porn, as they always do, and he asked us both how we felt about it. My hubby did admit that he'd looked at it, and I have too... I do not tend to enjoy it, like he did.. unless it's done together, as part of a sexual experience between the two of us. The priest confirmed, that when one party in a marriage engages in that, and the other does not, that it is indeed a form of being unfaithful, especially when it spirals out of control, just as are emotional affairs, physical affairs, and other forms of cheating.

Now, I know not everyone is religious, or even spiritual, so I don't expect everyone to think the same way, or view porn the same way. I do know, that I told my man , way before we got married, that it had no place in our lives, or house. We have a young daughter, and I told him the porn was not to be on our computer, and that if he truly wanted to look at it, that we could do it together, or not at all.... but he knows that it's not the best thing to make a marriage stronger, and that it almost always elicites hurt and resentment on someones part.. and since he doesn't miss it, we dont' bother with it. I know for a fact, that he never views it. And like I said, I told him if he wanted to look at it, that we could have a nice long kinky love session, together, adn that we'd pop in a video, but that him jacking off, on a regular basis, instead of having sex with me,,, was Not going to fly... he agrees. 

Porn, whether proponents of it say so or not,,, can be Very damaging, to self esteem, to the deep loving connection between a man and woman, and to the children that might accidentally view it. Having said that, I know some are into it, and some are not, that is Everyone's choice.

But, in your case racemom, you've asked him to stop, you've told him how much damage it is doing, and he continues to disrespect you... this is not just a man refusing to pick up his undies on the floor, this is an issue that involves other Sexual outlets, that he's brought into your marriage without your consent, and without you being on board, and therefore, it's wrong..... 
You'll have to really try to talk seriously to him, and let him know what this is doing to your lives. And with other normal marital problems that all of us have, on top of this isssue? Well, it makes for a very difficult go of it, as you're seeing yourself. You should be respected enough for him to know that if it's hurting you that much, he shouldn't be doing it. He is acting like a selfish child. You've told him it's not okay with you, so it needs to stop. period.... Talk to him, take him to a therapist, or minister if need be. Good luck... and don't Ever let anyone make you feel guilty, prude, or not normal because you happen to think porn is damaging and something that you're not into..... you're not alone in that respect. Take care.


----------



## racemom

This also gives him a good reason to hide it - if he wants sex on the same day.[/QUOTE]

BUT, if he knows he's not going to get any from me, shouldn't that be enough to not want to look at it? To me, that says he would rather have porn than me!


----------



## racemom

I am not the kinky type, doing pics, role playing, that sort of thing, but I DO like sex, different positions, locations. I would think that any sex is better than no sex. I get nothing out of movies, there is no plot, I think they are a waste of time and money. Once again, I feel as I am being compared to the women in the movie. If he sees a hot looking mama w/big boobs, then wants to have sex with me, is he really having sex w/me or the bimbo he saw on TV? As far as body image, he constantly reminds me that everything I put in my mouth is going to my hips. He has never had on ounce of fat on his body in his life, so he ridicules anyone thats overweight. He just doesn't understand "why people let themselves go like that." I have tried to tell him there's more to it than that, but he just doesn't get it. He has always commented to me, no matter where we are or who is around. Once, he made a comment to me in front of his sister who told him he was an a$$ for saying that to me. He just said, "oh well." He has no concept of what it is like to have a little extra and how hard it is to get rid of it. I do not know if my H is jerking off, I just know that he seems to really love his porn, since he can't seem to quit looking at it. I did catch him doing it one time, right after I had our first baby(C-section) & I was unable to do my "wife-ly duty." So, either he has quit that or I've just never caught him again. We aren't on very good communicating lines right now, we fight every chance we get. I gave him some ideas on how to make me happy, all of which were shot down. He told me if it was that bad that maybe I should just leave. I guess he really doesn't want to work on this relationship.


----------



## racemom

And when I got home yesterday, guess what I found on the computer! We had an arguement, he left and didn't come home til around 11PM! Way to fix a problem!


----------



## marina72

I feel for you. He's degrading you by telling you how you don't look good enough for him. Babies, life, age, all of that affects what women's bodies look like. It is a shallow point of view, his.... but it's sad that a lot of people men and women, think this way. 

Sounds like he is totally disrespecting you. He doesn't seem like he is willing to work on the marriage, or the things that upset you. by acting like the things that bother you are not worth discussing, he devalues you, and your marriage. Really the only thing that might make him see what he's doing to hurt you, and that you both probably have things you could improve on, is by seeing a therapist.

At some point, marriages with these kinds of issues, either have to be dealt with, or they face danger of ending. You can either leave him, or continue on like it is now... if he won't seek counseling, you'll have to decide just how much of his emotional abuse you can take.


----------



## MarkTwain

racemom said:


> And when I got home yesterday, guess what I found on the computer! We had an arguement, he left and didn't come home til around 11PM! Way to fix a problem!


One thing is for sure - you will never solve it like this.


----------



## racemom

MarkTwain said:


> One thing is for sure - you will never solve it like this.


I know that, but that is his way of fixing things. When things get tough and heated, he leaves. I know marriage takes 2, so what do I do? He will NOT see a therapist, which makes me believe this is probably over.


----------



## Blanca

racemom said:


> BUT, if he knows he's not going to get any from me, shouldn't that be enough to not want to look at it? To me, that says he would rather have porn than me!


actually just from my experience, this is a bad way to think about it. i know how you feel, trust me, but its not that simple. there's a lot of feelings going on and its not as simple as this or that, and trying to make it that simple in your head only frustrates you more. 

there's a war going on and you're both playing. the only way to end a war is if one person stops trying to win. the way you do that is to start doing things that make you happy, instead of continually going after something that is making you down right miserable.


----------



## GAsoccerman

Racemom, let me put it this way, Say you like Chocolate, and your husband says to you, Stop eating Chocolate becuase you are getting fat. Will you stop eating it? or will you sneak some when he is not around?

I agree with Mark, they way you are going all about this is nto going to Solve it.

Let me ask you this...

My wife uses her Vibrator when she watches her Soap opera or another TV show where she is "fond" of a male character.

Would you classify this as "porn" as well? even though they are not having sex, she is stimulated by the men and their good looks on the show and she will use her toy to reach climax thinking of these men.

It doesn't bother me in the slightest, it is nice my wife can use her imagination and get a fantasy from it, it is healthy for the mind.

Not sure why you wouldn't role play, I thought every woman would love to play the naughty french maid for their husband....oh well your loss.

s for the overweight issue...What is the difference between your weight when you got married and now? My wife is about 10-15lbs heavier after 3 children, She works out becuase she wants to keep a toned body somewhat, she has the baby pouch, wich is no big deal to me, but I can assure you if she was 50lbs heavier I would not be as attracted to her, I love her to death, but hey I like skinny women.


----------



## MarkTwain

racemom-

I have more to say, but first I have a question.

You mentioned role-play. Is that something you suspect or know your husband wants?


----------



## racemom

I am NOT overweight, I weigh 15 pounds more than we were married. I am a size 5, which I believe is average. I don't have time to work out, I wish I did. Being a stay at home mom and wife to a farmer is more than a 9-5 job and I figure chasing kids IS my workout! 

As far as role playing, we've never discussed it. I don't know if he would be interested, but if it has to do with sex, I can't imagine he wouldn't like it.


----------



## marina72

racemom,, you're not average, you're below average in terms of your clothing size, and apparently in Awsome shape! the average size woman in the US is a size 14!!!! I wish I was still a size 5. I am currently an 8/10 and I feel not too bad at this size, but my best size for me is 6, having said that I'm also 34, almost 35 and I'm just not made to be skinny, never have been, so I'm happy at this weight. 
What it boils down to, is that if the Both of you were okay with porn, then it would be okay. But you're not, and it's something you've repeatedly asked for him to stop. So I'm with you on this one racemom. Comparing porn to other things,, is like apples and oranges. Don't let people make you feel you're somehow denying your man something, or a prude. And don't feel you're denying him something that is essential to life, since we all know, porn is not.

I continually see people on here aggressively stick up for porn, or anything else that is kinky. And make any woman, or person, who says it's not her cup of tea, seem like she is a puritain, a prude and is making her husband miserable by refusing to allow it to be part of their lives. 

And don't get me wrong, i don't have a problem with kinky, if Both the hubby and the wife are into it. But when one spouse, flat out Refuses to respect their other half's boundaries. Well, then it's just plain wrong. And conflict arises. The only way you will ever reslove this is if you can make him see that it's hurting your relationship. 
Giving in to him, simply because it's what he wants, if it's something that you don't want in your life, and your marriage, is not fair to you. And telling him that porn is not welcome in your home, is not like you're saying he can't eat, sleep and have the basics of life. You're not denying him anything that he can't live without. He just refuses to live without it, he's not respecting your wishes, and it's causing problems. Perhaps you can compromise and play a few dirty games, only ones you are Comfortable with, and then maybe he won't want to watch porn so much? Make love in the shower, or on the table, or on the couch, or in your car... or outside in your backyard , unless there's too much chance you'll be seen. The erotic , pleasureful wonderful sex, doesn't have to include porn, and watching other people on a video. You could do things that both of you are comfortable with, and still have a sexy marriage. If you are not comfortable doing that stuff either, then you shouldn't. It's all what you can handle. And hubby, will just have to learn that he can't push you, and can't tell you that you don't look good enough for him, watch porn later that night, adn then expect you to be all "in the mood" to have sex with him. 
Just keep talking to him. Try to work on it, and compromise anyway that you can , without compromising your principles.


----------



## cantstopwanting

Get your own stash of dirty mags and stack em up next to your side of the bed. Get some titles along the lines of "Long Schlongs" and "Big n Hearty".
You know where Im going with this. I dont have to explain...


----------



## MarkTwain

cantstopwanting said:


> Get some titles along the lines of "Long Schlongs"


 I actually laughed out loud!


----------



## wantingmore

MarkTwain said:


> racemom-
> 
> There are men on this forum, and on other forums who admit to preferring jerking and porn to sex with their wives. The fact that your husband expects sex right after puts him in a different camp.
> 
> Blanca's husband was one of the other type. Let's not compare apples and oranges...



Yea, I don't mind my H looking at porn, except when he prefers to stay up and jerk off instead of come to bed with me. That's when I started having a problem with it.

If your H is just looking and still wants it from you that is a plus.

I would put an end to his negative comments about you though.


----------



## MarkTwain

wantingmore said:


> I would put an end to his negative comments about you though.


:iagree:


----------



## italiana86

marina72 said:


> But, in your case racemom, you've asked him to stop, you've told him how much damage it is doing, and he continues to disrespect you... this is not just a man refusing to pick up his undies on the floor, this is an issue that involves other Sexual outlets, that he's brought into your marriage without your consent, and without you being on board, and therefore, it's wrong.....
> You'll have to really try to talk seriously to him, and let him know what this is doing to your lives. And with other normal marital problems that all of us have, on top of this isssue? Well, it makes for a very difficult go of it, as you're seeing yourself. You should be respected enough for him to know that if it's hurting you that much, he shouldn't be doing it. He is acting like a selfish child. You've told him it's not okay with you, so it needs to stop. period.... Talk to him, take him to a therapist, or minister if need be. Good luck... and don't Ever let anyone make you feel guilty, prude, or not normal because you happen to think porn is damaging and something that you're not into..... you're not alone in that respect. Take care.


:iagree: I'm one of you, too... My H views porn and it demaged my feelings, too... I learned that it has nothing to do with me, my body or something like that, it's just his addiction problem... but both have to try to work on it... it's too difficult or better it will take too long to do his on his own... 

that's what I found in one of this threads... : check it out:

Free info about porn and sexual addictions.

it might help you a little to understand...

good luck and take care...


----------



## foxi

so my queston is; is the problem him watching the porn and masturbating? If he was masturbating not watching porn would it still be an issue?


----------



## BlueRoseRed

racemom said:


> I need advice on something. I HATE porn and the fact that my husband looks at it, which I have expressed to him MANY times. He receives Playboy in the mail. I don't like this, but if he's gonna look at it, I WANT to know about it. Any others that I find, he definitely has taken thought into hiding from me. Often, whenever I leave the house long enough for him to come in, he checks out a few websites, then deletes them from the history, however, I can tell he has looked. I am not worried about the kids finding the magazines, it just makes me feel insecure(?) about my body. He often points out that I don't look like I did when I was 18 and why don't I do something about it? I'm not overweight, but I have had 2 kids and do have a baby pooch. He gets angry when I won't have sex with him, but how can I when I know he's been looking at young girls with beautiful bodies. I don't know why, but this has always bothered me. He has done it throughout our 15 year marriage and we have always fought about it. Now that it is affecting our sex life, other things seem to be adding to the problem equation. Am I just being a harda?? Or do I deserve to feel this way?


1. This PORN is something you hate, but you married a man that LOVES it. You knew that it was going to be a problem, but you sacrificed your standards and chose to put up with it.
2.He's telling you that you need to work out and look like you did when you were 18. Does HE look like he did when he was 18? I'm sure he doesn't. Why doesn't he go do something about THAT?
Don't feel insecure about your body, Life Happens. You HAD KIDS! Got a bit older and have a little pouch. You didn't binge on fatty food and gain 500lbs. He needs to face reality, but the problem is he doesn't seem to like reality. He likes the fake PORN girls.
3. You kinda had this coming since you decided to drop your NO PORN standard and get with this guy, but it doesn't mean that it's right for him to continue to be so selfish and act like you are the one that has something wrong with them. If he wasn't willing to change his PORN viewing habits when you two were dating then he will never do it now.


----------



## racemom

foxi said:


> so my queston is; is the problem him watching the porn and masturbating? If he was masturbating not watching porn would it still be an issue?


I do not know if he is masturbating or not. It is just the fact that he married me and I don't think he should be watching other women in sexual ways. I don't think he would make the comments about my body if he didn't have them to compare me to. It is just degrading and unappealling to me.


----------



## racemom

BlueRoseRed said:


> 1. This PORN is something you hate, but you married a man that LOVES it. You knew that it was going to be a problem, but you sacrificed your standards and chose to put up with it.


I did NOT know when we got married that porn was a problem. I never saw that side of him, never found any magazines laying around, until AFTER we were married. It was about 8 months after we got married when I found the first of the magazines. So I feel that I got cheated a little bit, not knowing this about him. As far as looks go, he wears the same size of clothes that he did in high school. He looks pretty well the same, has never had to worry a day in his life about weight, he has a very high metabolism as he eats all day long and never gains a pound. So, I guess if he is unwilling to change, either I have to accept it and live with it or move on.


----------



## Sensitive

You definitely do not deserve to feel bad about your body. My husband looks at porn and I never try to stop him. It may be damaging to our sex life, I am not sure. I think porn just adds a little fantasy to a man's imagination. Maybe you can get some erotic videos to view together that can spice up your sex life. I am sorry I don't have any better advice.


----------



## racemom

mel58109 said:


> I am comforted that I am not the only wife who feels this way, and at the same time horrified at how prevalent this is! I honestly don't think that men understand how absolutely devastating this is to us. And please stop giving advice about how we need to spice things up. That is crap! I am the ONLY one spicing things up, he doesn't. I just don't understand the advice saying, " It doesn't have anything to do with you" and the next sentence saying, "Maybe you should spice things up" WTF? I don't have a solution. I guess like racemom said live with it or don't. It really sucks, though.


THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!! Finally, someone else who understands! Its not that I don't like sex, my life just does not revolve around it, 24-7. I don't need to see other people enjoying sex. I don't want to see other people having sex. It is something intimate, a special time to be shared by 2 people, completely in love, IMO. I don't want other people having sex rubbed in face all the time. It is unappealling to me. I don't have a problem with watching a romantic love scene in a normal movie, but I have no desire to sit & watch porn flicks with H.


----------



## vir

i have read your post. I can releat to how you feel and I am sorry. I was remarried on New Years day 2009, did not realy know what I do now. We have had alot of fun times and some not so fun. Yes, I love him dearly, we are alot alike except for THE PORN...... It is driving a wedge. There was a few times that I thought he was, or we were going to be ok,, I still hold onto that hope for true intimacy with him. Be who you were when you meet. I know it is not easy to do sometimes. You feel hopeless, lonely and betrayed am I right?


----------



## racemom

BETRAYED, YES!!! I feel as is he is the one having an affair, yet I can't get that thru to him.


----------



## lizzy23

I guess I may be different in this situation.. But Porn is kind of erotic to me... I am a female (38 years young) and if my husband wanted to watch porn with me... I would gladly do it... To me it is just sex and most men have active imaginations, so if you can't beat them... join them! Help him forfill those thoughts! Be the sexy bar maid from the movie... Act it out... Live a little, and have fun! As their wives we have the resposibility of feeding that (of course they do for us also). I don't see the disrespect part... I understand why he hides it... Cause he doesn't want to hurt you... but doesn't sound like an addiction, cause he wants to be with you after he watches them. I have 3 childrern (and a baby pooch too), but when I am with my husband I act like I am as sexy as any of those women in the movies!! Do you think maybe you could be a little more flexible in this situation?


----------



## JasonL115

The basic rule of porn in marriage is that as long as it doesn't effect the frequency of marital sex, leave it alone.

If it has started to effect your sex life then you have a good reason to be pissed.

But being angry is just the first of a whole range of emotions that wives go through when they have to deal with this problem. They go through a lot of misery. And sadly, the truth is that anger is really a wasted emotion. If a man in a long term marriage has a bad porn habit it is almost impossible to stop him. Whether he started with the porn because he no longer enjoyed partner sex or whether he doesn't now enjoy partner sex because of the porn, it makes no difference.

The best thing to do is either make your plans to leave or find a way to accept things as they are so you can get on with your life.


----------



## Merm

We all look at porn, men just look at it more. My husband is obsessed with it. Actually has neat little folders on his computer, Big Boobs, small boobs, big girls, small girls, anal, blow jobs etc.

I think he is a freak, but its also one of the things I like about him is that he is a weirdo.

I told him he's only allowed to paw off when I'm not home. If he's horny wake me up, and if he can't wake me up, do it anyway.

I am bored with his porn collection actually, and the less energy you put into it I realized the less interested they get. He isn't as obsessed as he used to be. I'm used to it now. The one good thing is that he's the one who feels insecure. I want sex all the time, and he can't keep up. So I know in the back of his mind he's thinking, if I can't keep my wife pleased how am I going to please anyone else. Which is my way of punishing him for being a bad boy. I know he thinks about being with other women. I think about being with other men. Difference is I wouldnt cheat on him, and I'm pretty sure if a women gave him the opportunity he would jump, not because I'm not super terrific, its because he has a penis and half a brain. So, I stay one step ahead of him and slap his hand and say "no sweetie, you can't go home with the check out girl" and if he's good I'll let him pretend I'm the check out girl. Nothing is perfect, but you find ways to make it work. 

Once you remove the taboo you remove the desire, is I guess the moral of this story.


----------



## burnsrunner

Try getting and reading the book, "Love and Pornography." The authors, Victoria Prater and Garry Prater, approach porn addiction in relationships more honestly than I have ever come across. It's also a book that looks at both sides of the porn issue with compassion. And it definitely addresses the issue on the problems and issues it causes in a relationship. It's a must read before you decide to call it quits.


----------



## NothingMan

racemom said:


> I guess it wouldn't bother me so much except for 2 things:
> 1) Why does he feel like he has to hide it from me?
> 2) Why can't he quit? We have fought over this for 15 years! Wouldn't it just be easier to quit? I don't think I'm asking for a HUGE favor here, am I?
> Marriage is all about compromise and if he can't do this one thing for me, than it kinda tells me where I rate.


1.) He hides it because he likes it knows you hate it. Not to mention he's prolly sick to death of having that same argument over and over.

2.) Some men, myself included, enjoy looking at naked women. I love women. Everything about them. The likelihood of him just stopping is almost none. What you should do is discuss what kind and how much of it is ok with you. Your going to have to give a little to get what you want. Telling him NO and NONE is not compromise. It's control. Compromise is limiting him to a playboy or hustler subscription.

Honestly, I dont think it makes you rate lower then the porn. You are still his number 1. Just because he likes to look at porn doesnt mean he finds you less attractive to want sex with you less. It just means that men think about sex all the time and porn is an easy outlet for those thoughts.

Also, using sex as a ways to an end is a very bad idea. He'll end up resenting you for it. Its really not worth the price you'll pay for doing it.




John


----------



## SFladybug

racemom said:


> I did NOT know when we got married that porn was a problem. I never saw that side of him, never found any magazines laying around, until AFTER we were married. It was about 8 months after we got married when I found the first of the magazines. So I feel that I got cheated a little bit, not knowing this about him. As far as looks go, he wears the same size of clothes that he did in high school. He looks pretty well the same, has never had to worry a day in his life about weight, he has a very high metabolism as he eats all day long and never gains a pound. So, I guess if he is unwilling to change, either I have to accept it and live with it or move on.


I had the same thing happen to me. It has been an issue for a long time. I will check out the book recommended by burnsrunner because I feel like it is difficult to come to a compromise and I think Nothingman is kind of right. 

Although when I found porn on the computer recently, my question to my husband was not "why do you do this?" It was "what does adult sex look like to you?" I meant by that did he want to include this in his sexuality with me. He claims to not want to look at it, but I suspect this is a temporary lull. 

We did try viewing X-rated movies together at one point, but it just made me feel dirty and uncomfortable and I think it made our sex life worse not better.


----------



## NothingMan

SFladybug said:


> I had the same thing happen to me. It has been an issue for a long time. I will check out the book recommended by burnsrunner because I feel like it is difficult to come to a compromise and I think Nothingman is kind of right.
> 
> Although when I found porn on the computer recently, my question to my husband was not "why do you do this?" It was "what does adult sex look like to you?" I meant by that did he want to include this in his sexuality with me. He claims to not want to look at it, but I suspect this is a temporary lull.
> 
> We did try viewing X-rated movies together at one point, but it just made me feel dirty and uncomfortable and I think it made our sex life worse not better.


Hey, atleast you tried  Too bad it made you feel that way...almost like you got punished for trying to do the right thing. I think most men understand that our wives are not going to do the things porn girls do. I wouldnt want her to do those things. Well....maybe just a few of em.



John


----------



## swedish

Merm said:


> I think he is a freak, but its also one of the things I like about him is that he is a weirdo.




Nothingman, 

Thanks for posting...Hearing from a man's perspective is good for me...reinforces what my H has said to me.


----------



## goatz

racemom said:


> I have been open with him about this issue, telling him if I know he looked at it that day, then he won't be getting anything from me that night.


That type of manipulation will only exacerbate the situation. Here is food for thought PORN IS ADDICTING and masturbation is also addicting! He is an addict as I once was. My wife never really cared whether or not I watched porn. There is a primitive instinct for a man to want younger and/or more beautiful women, but he can't seem to control it. If he is willing counciling may help. He hides it because he doesn't want to fight, the more you fight the worse your relationship gets, the worse it gets the more he wants porn. It may be his escape. If you are a demanding women who rules the roost that could be part of the reason he fantasizes about other women. Does he have an inferiority complex? Does he find himself attractive? Is he satisfied with the amount of sex? Are you willing to come to an agreement, like maybe if he wants to watch porn he has to have sex with you first, that could work out nicely!


----------



## Rhea

Let me in on the secret why men love to watch women degrading themselves in that fashion? I mean ok so you like to look at naked women ok...well I certainly enjoy looking at naked men...but well ok so it's not the same, cause men don't get degraded the way women do in porn...but still I'm like really uh...who the f*ck finds those women respectable?


----------



## GAsoccerman

found this article today....

Are more women OK with watching porn? - CNN.com


----------



## GPR

I throw in a couple points:

Porn good or bad is a pointless argument IMO. Porn is in the eye of the beholder. Some like it, some don't, some can put up with it, some can't. You can sit here all day long and debate between you why it's good or bad or other, and nothing will be resolved. 

Think of it like alcohol. Some people think it's OK, some think it's not, and you probably won't change each others minds. And like Alcohol, porn can become a problem. And a lot of time, the problem depends on the motivation. Is it recreational, just for fun? Can you control it? Or is it a crutch or an unhealthy aid to a deeper problem.

Overall, it's up to the couples IMO. If one person doesn't like it, the issue has to be dealt with. Either the other has to stop, a compromise reached, or move on to another relationship. Personally, I see no problem with Porn. I don't compare them to my wife, it's never effected my sex life, it's just an activity that is fun. My wife didn't like it, especially when we first were together. So I stopped. It wasn't that big of a deal. We have watched a few together since then, and we both enjoyed it. But I still don't look at it anymore, even though now, I think she wouldn't care as part of her problem in the beginning was more with her insecurities as opposed to the porn itself.

Second. I like how people always talk about how "degrading" porn is to women? Explain to me why you think that? And why is it so much worse for the women than the men? Just curious? These woman make their choices to do what they've done. Some probably enjoy what they do and many might make good money doing it. Just because YOU would feel degraded, doesn't mean that THEY should feel degraded and that it's degrading to ALL women. 

Third, the OP: In this case, the wife doesn't like it. Like with anything else in a relationship, this fact needs to be dealt with. And an argument about the good, bad and moralities of Porn is pointless here. 
The husband and wife need to hash this stuff out, and come to an agreement of Yes, it's OK, not it's not, or something in the middle. 

If it's a hard fast issue with her, NO PORN, end of story with no compromise, then the Husband needs to decide what's more important, Porn or Wife. 

BUT remember this. As with any marital issue, it might not just a "Porn or No Porn" decision to him. It might be an issue of control and compromise. If he thinks this is the way you will handle other issues down the road. It will morph from "Porn or wife" to "Controlling wife or Single and Free". You can tell me how much this is not true until you are blue in the face, but anytime either spouse makes a hard line no compromise stance on any subject, these thoughts will come into play, no matter how much you disagree with it.


----------



## Sandy55

"Some probably enjoy what they do and many might make good money doing it. Just because YOU would feel degraded, doesn't mean that THEY should feel degraded and that it's degrading to ALL women."


Well, they LOOK degraded. :rofl: 

If porn making were not available to make easy money laying down, they'd be doctors, nurses or engineers, or architects.

OR at least they would think of something - well if they had a brain they would.


----------



## Sandy55

Am glad am not a man who is controlled by my base sexual urges so MUCH that I go watch strangers getting it on in the privacy of my home or some public porn movie theater where there are guys in there beating off in public! 

I am glad I am not a man who goes and buys magazines full of women showing glossy fake boobs and shaved crotches with the labia hanging out a man who CONTRIBUTES to women who want to make easy money so BADLY they give into the temptation of letting someone take photos of them and *knowing* some stranger is looking at her photo, his **** in his hand and then he comes on her face or boobs, or whatever, or he goes and screws his wife, his little girl, little boy, or whoever, while thinking about the darn photos.

No, that isn't disgusting and degrading. Not at all!


----------



## Sandy55

Yes, porn has been around for forever - just as long as people who cannot control themselves.

But that is not an excuse to _ignore and contribute_ to the bad side of it.

I for one am a woman who PREFERS a man who can be adult enough to control his base sexual side and learn to make love for love's sake, without having to have an assist from strangers.


----------



## GPR

Sandy55 said:


> "Some probably enjoy what they do and many might make good money doing it. Just because YOU would feel degraded, doesn't mean that THEY should feel degraded and that it's degrading to ALL women."
> 
> 
> Well, they LOOK degraded. :rofl:
> 
> If porn making were not available to make easy money laying down, they'd be doctors, nurses or engineers, or architects.
> 
> OR at least they would think of something - well if they had a brain they would.



Seriously? doctors or nurses? Then say they have no brains?

I don't know what they would be? Maybe they aren't intelligent and would be working **** minimum wage jobs the rest of their life and would rather be doing this? I don't know? The fact is they chose to do it.

I know what's coming next, "Would you want your daughter to do that?" Of course not. I would try to convince her to not do it. But I couldn't stop her if she was A.) and adult and B.) out of my house and control.... but in the same breath, I wouldn't want my son to do it either. But I'm not going to blame them for "degrading women everywhere" or any BS like that.


----------



## Sandy55

If there is no MARKET there will be no product.


----------



## GPR

Sandy55 said:


> Am glad am not a man who is controlled by my base sexual urges so MUCH that I go watch strangers getting it on in the privacy of my home or some public porn movie theater where there are guys in there beating off in public!
> 
> I am glad I am not a man who goes and buys magazines full of women showing glossy fake boobs and shaved crotches with the labia hanging out a man who CONTRIBUTES to women who want to make easy money so BADLY they give into the temptation of letting someone take photos of them and *knowing* some stranger is looking at her photo, his **** in his hand and then he comes on her face or boobs, or whatever, or he goes and screws his wife, his little girl, little boy, or whoever, while thinking about the darn photos.
> 
> No, that isn't disgusting and degrading. Not at all!


Wow, simply wow....

First, I don't let my urges control me. I said I didn't see anything wrong with looking at it. When I did look at it, I did enjoy it as it is stimulating and entertaining to me. But I can control myself. I don't have to look at it, which I've proven.

And, for your wonderful synopsis of how porn is used. You may not like that. But I GUARANTEE that there are people that would be flattered by that.


----------



## Amplexor

Sandy55 said:


> public porn movie theater where there are guys in there beating off in public!













:rofl:


----------



## still reeling

:rofl: - that is tooo funny!!

Joking aside - Porn is a huge issue in marriages and I wish that men would understand how it affects their spouses and respect it. I also believe that there has to be some compromise as well, but having complete disregard for your spouse's feelings is not right. 

This is an ongoing battle and issue for us as well, he makes promises, only to break them - I don't think he can stop - I have told him that and that makes him all the more determined to "prove me wrong" and well - he hasn't yet. My trusting him is so important right now and everytime he lies and does it - its one more wedge between us. How can we expect to heal when we take one step forward and three steps back............


----------



## Sandy55

Exactly, AMP! :lol: 

GPR: People "FLATTERED" by the way they are used? Oh, _come_ now! Ur ...Surely you jest! 

And GPR when I was mentioning they could go be doctors, engineers, etc...I meant, assuming they have the brains to do so...some may have the brains but not the ambition or guts to try.

Otherwise, if they do the porn because they haven't a brain in their head (as in: _what the heck are you thinking_); they DON'T think.


----------



## GPR

Sandy55 said:


> Exactly, AMP! :lol:
> 
> GPR: People "FLATTERED" by the way they are used? Oh, _come_ now! Ur ...Surely you jest!


I'm dead serious. I wouldn't be, but like I said, I guarantee that some of them like the fact that they are looked at by men like that.


----------



## Sandy55

Why ISN'T there a PUKE emote?


----------



## GPR

Sandy55 said:


> Why ISN'T there a PUKE emote?


I'm not saying I agree with it. I'm just saying it's there.


----------



## Gomez

I would just like to share what 99% of porn gives that 99% of real girls dont ~ ENTHUSIASIM. those girls do all the work, they look like they want to be doiing it, and it really dont matter if they look that way just cause they are paid to.

Maybe I am the exception but I do 90% of the work for sex, and unfortunatly I got some stamina so it is quite a calorie burning proposition to go all the way to climax. Porn for some reason short cuts that. Instead of 45 min of hard hip pumpin its just 10 min of arm jerkin and I'm done. Sometimes I like to be lazy and not have to sweat to finish, porn just helps it along.

Sex is biologically addicting to men, nature made it that way its not some weakness of charector or personality flaw. The chemical ****tail that is released at the moment of climax has been tailored by evolution to make us want to come back for more. To talk about a man having a masturbation addiction is kind of an oxymoron.

To the OP: sorry to burst your bubble, but exactly where do you think your goin to find a guy who would be willing to NEVER look a porn again? I'd say the odds of that happening are about the same as your husband actually landing a female that looks like one of the porn girls you think he is comparing you to. Seems like you both have unrealistic expectations of each other.

But there is good news: you made a vow to each other to help each other in good times and bad. Stop trying to make each other into a fantasy and open your eyes to the reality of who you are and who you are with and then choose to fall deeper in love because you know each other better.


----------



## Painteranj

Hi Racemom...

I feel sadness for you! I've been going through the same problem for about a year now. I'm so very tired of feeling like its MY problem that I don't agree with my fiance viewing porn. I feel it might not be such an issue if he wanted to watch it together, as a couple. But he doesn't. It's always hidden. It's always a big secret. And then theres the lying. I've caught him numerous times and have confronted him numerous times. He either denies it, ignores me, or changes the subject. Sometimes he gets angry. End of conversation. I feel like he completetly dismisses my feelings. Which he does. I don't know how much help or advice I can offer you, except that we are basically in the same boat. Sometimes it just helps me to read about other women with the same issue. We are not weird, not prudes, not up-tight, not anal. We are hurt and upset about an issue. We want our feelings to be validated! I haven't found a solution. I feel like I've tried everything to better myself....to increase my self-esteem. I still feel like I am disrespected....Stay true to yourself, Racemom. Your feelings are real and feelings deserve respect.


----------



## javelinpr

hi racemom, im a pornaddict husband and here goes my view of this. 

with that in mind i can tell you that i watch porn as entertainment. The same way you would watch a comedy or a drama movie. They all stimulate us but in different ways. I was willing to stay off other things for my wife, like the opportunity of being a porn actor(no sandy its not that i don't have a brain, im about to become an accountant and i work for the most successful bank in my country, its the thrill).

For me leaving porn feels like quitting drinking or smoking. i did both. its a very very hard thing to do and sometimes we are not willing to do it because we feel like its something harmless that we enjoy. right now its been 4 days without porn for me. BELIEVE me that feels like a year. Point is unless he wants to stop it, its going to be hard for you to make him stop. Add to that, that he is not getting any sexual action at home so his only stimulation is porn. If you cant learn to live with it its going to cause very bad problems to your relationship and maybe end it. 

what i suggest is giving him the confidence of being able to watch it in front of you, then jump all over him. this may disgust you at first but its better for him to do it in front of you than on your back. also you can monitor the situation and see if it gets out of hand. Out of hand being:**** porn, bestiality, rape scenes, underage, etc etc. any of this should raise a flag. in case you wonder ive never watch any of the above, i find it disgusting. The rest is pure normal MAN behavior. 

We(some men) dont view sex with wife with the same feelings a woman sees it. For you its a more sacred, spiritual thing while we see it as a more physical thing. 

the only thing you shouldnt accept is the negative comments about your body. 

wow it was longer than i expect it.


----------



## nightshade

Gomez said:


> I
> sorry to burst your bubble, but exactly where do you think your goin to find a guy who would be willing to NEVER look a porn again?


My husband! lol But he was never into porn to begin with. 

Sometimes we'll see something while switching through the TV and we'll watch it for a min, but we end up laughing since most of it is just so ridiculous. Seeing strangers doing graphic sexual acts is not erotic to me... might as well we watching a gynecological or prostate exam for all the appeal it has. When there's no emotional investment it's just textbook anatomy to me. For H too. 

Movies and books with passionate scenes are so much better in my opinion. If we like the characters, that is.  

Racemom- I wish I had some wisdom to share with you. You're husband is telling you how not great you're looking, while looking at other women... and somehow you're supposed to not feel that it's about you and become some sort of super vixen in response? Yeah, right. I'd feel hurt too. 



Merm said:


> Difference is I wouldnt cheat on him, and I'm pretty sure if a women gave him the opportunity he would jump, not because I'm not super terrific, its because he has a penis and half a brain. So, I stay one step ahead of him and slap his hand and say "no sweetie, you can't go home with the check out girl" and if he's good I'll let him pretend I'm the check out girl.


:wtf:
Shouldn't his frontal lobe do that for him? Or is that included in the missing half of his brain?


----------



## Amplexor

nightshade said:


> Shouldn't his frontal lobe do that for him?



I’d rather have a bottle in front of me than have a frontal lobotomy. 

Just had to throgh that in.


----------



## mommyto3boys

Sandy55 said:


> Why ISN'T there a PUKE emote?


http://www.clipartof.com/images/thumbnail/2202.gif


----------



## betrayedbyaranger

GAsoccerman: 
If your wife is SO MUCH MORE than the playboy girls can be, what the hell do you need the magazine for???!!


----------



## betrayedbyaranger

This has got to be the most assbackwards advice and justification for something that is wrong I have ever heard. She should put up with and make it work for him??!! I forgot, for the most part it is all about YOU and screw how she feels. Dump him and get someone with some self respect, self control, honesty and who actually has some values. Personality characteristics say A LOT about a man and YOU JAVElinpr!!! Bad rationalization douche bag............


----------



## gabejoel

I feel bad for you as well, and what everyone needs to keep in mind is we are all different! I am still getting through my bad feelings about porn or frickin women in general because of the way my hub was and thinks sometimes.This is a hard issue to deal with and very sensitive too because what the other person fails to relize is that they will end up missing out on things too .Without feeling comfortable or secure it makes things more limited in your relationship.I am a total horn dog and extremely open minded ...plus my hubby is the hottest man on this planet to me and he was doing this all the time even at work! We have fought about it alot and are trying to work through it.He says he has stopped...at home he has because he knows that i am like CSI when it comes to the computer.So, i hope he is being truthful and not doing it at work anymore.I wish you all the best and the only thing i can offer is talk it out and try to recover...and get back your marriage.


----------



## Tweak

We are talking about this issue here to.....

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/sex-marriage/9298-attn-men-why-do-you-need-porn.html

I give a few "reasons" why?
I do not really want to "justify" it for men.
However as with any "addiction" its is important to be there for your spouse.

The main thing in my mind,is this.
If it does not interfere with your sex life and pleasing your wife,then I see it as a lesser issue then say,if the man
was using porn as a replacement for intimate contact with his wife. 

I am addicted to porn.Its almost a biological addiction,one that in the above thread I discuss.
However,I love my wife so much that it will NEVER interfere with me being able to perform and pleasure her.
I would rather have one night of hot lovemaking with my honey,then ALL the porn ever made.


----------



## Tweak

Sorry I resurrected a older post.
This seems to be a rather hot subject and there are a lot of threads hear about this subject.
I forget to look at the posting date. LOL


----------



## hubby

Porn has been an issue with my wife and I for a while. She never liked it. Back when we were dating and things were hot between us, we tried to watch a couple of flicks together. She did not seem to object to it much but we never tried again. Then the sex cooled off to the point it was nonexistent. I used porn to keep my sanity. I was not going to cheat on my wife, I was not going to divorce her and she was not going to have sex with me. She found out I watched porn and asked me to stop. I said OK but continued to look at it secretly. It was a very difficult time to get through without sex and porn was my only sexual outlet, but now I felt guilty about it. 

After 11 sexless years of marriage, I had enough and decided divorce was an option. The ultimatum changed things and now we are back on track. However, I am not going to lie to her anymore. I told her that I will watch porn from time to time; I just need to be honest with her. I told her I would much prefer to have sex with her than porn but that my drive is also much higher than hers. I would never pressure her into having sex. At that time I would probably watch around 30 mins a week. Since then, the frequency of sex has picked up a lot and I barely have time to even think about porn. I do take a peak from time to time, but nothing like before, and I don't feel guilty about it.


----------



## BigBadWolf

This is another depressing thread.

Good men and women, if you are in marriages with no sex, this is nothing but emotional abuse to both of you!

A man strives to dominate, a woman strives to be dominated. 

If a man and woman do not structure the marriage in this way, which is the way it was structured when you were dating or at least early married and the sex was perhaps excited and frequent, then the marriage is turning into roomates business partners or such.

What changed? Guess what, you did! 

1. A man that is not a dominating man will resent his woman, and he will build emotional walls, and instead of his woman his attention is on sports, or hobbies, or working much, and of course pornography or affairs are probable.

2. A woman that is not dominated will resent her man, and she will build emotional walls, and in her will be severe feelings of insecurity and she will act on it, this looking like the "nagging wife" and "withholding sex", and also affairs are probable as she will look for ways to see that she is desired somehow.

A healthy sexual relationship is the dominant man in control of himself and his world, he will be the ownership of the sexual and emotional health of the relationship and the woman will be fiercely attracted to that man. If there was much sex early on, this is what was happening.

If this structure is ignored, over time it will lead to the spiral of resentment. A woman WILL RESENT a weak man, and over time you will get the wimpy man begging an insecure woman for sex. When this happens, it is nothing sexual or passionate or desirable about it and is emotional abuse to both the man and the woman. 

The man is frustrated, and the woman sees EVERY good thing a man does as just a bribe for sex. It is a winless scenerio for both.

It must be remembered what the marriage was based on in the beginning.

A dominant man is sexually irrestible to a woman. A woman will resent a weak man. 

All good men, if you have not taken charge in the bedroom, then how can your wife think she is desirable to you? 

In any relationship where sexual attraction is desired, if this is recognized marriage will be bliss. If it is ignored, the marriage will be miserable.


----------



## CaliRN

the longer u treat him like a child and deny him sex because of ur insecurity the more porn he's going watch. Try working out with him


----------



## MEM2020

As a guy I have a simple view of this:
- My wife always gets right of first refusal to my body. If she wants to connect - we connect. If she does NOT want to connect and I want release then I look at what I want.
- I do not - and never have compared her to any other woman - either from porn or real life

If my wife was having LESS sex with me I would be watching MORE porn. Very simple. 

If she really didn't want me to watch any - she could simply connect with me whenever I wanted and that would be great with me. I strongly prefer her to porn - always have. 

For me - about 4 years ago I quit the porn since at 43 I wanted to devote all of my sexual energy to her. 






racemom said:


> I need advice on something. I HATE porn and the fact that my husband looks at it, which I have expressed to him MANY times. He receives Playboy in the mail. I don't like this, but if he's gonna look at it, I WANT to know about it. Any others that I find, he definitely has taken thought into hiding from me. Often, whenever I leave the house long enough for him to come in, he checks out a few websites, then deletes them from the history, however, I can tell he has looked. I am not worried about the kids finding the magazines, it just makes me feel insecure(?) about my body. He often points out that I don't look like I did when I was 18 and why don't I do something about it? I'm not overweight, but I have had 2 kids and do have a baby pooch. He gets angry when I won't have sex with him, but how can I when I know he's been looking at young girls with beautiful bodies. I don't know why, but this has always bothered me. He has done it throughout our 15 year marriage and we have always fought about it. Now that it is affecting our sex life, other things seem to be adding to the problem equation. Am I just being a harda?? Or do I deserve to feel this way?


----------



## janesk

I don't know if this is just because I am young, or what, but at first I was extremely uncomfortable with my boyfriend watching porn. It made me feel like I wasn't good enough for him, and that he wanted a woman like those women in porns. I told him I hated him watching porn, and even pouted when I found out he was still watching it. I got depressed and angry, even though I am a pretty girl (not porn-star quality, then again, I don't have a photoshop editor for real life.)

I'm not sure when the turn around happened, but I started to watch porn with (and without) him. I don't 'get off' to porn, but I feel like I am arming myself with ideas to bring to the table of surprises! I also profile the porn he watches the most and take tips from those women (dancing, stripping, 'dirty') and apply them - occasionally - to our sex life. It spices it up, and I find myself enjoying it too.

Recently my boyfriend has mentioned that he likes the pierced look. Belly, nose, lip... while I don't want those, I found some great clip-ons that look real and am waiting to reveal them to him. I can't wait to see how he reacts! I am also getting a henna 'tramp stamp' and some sexy lingerie.

While I am young, and not in touch with my seniors, I would think that men who like to watch porn would be thrilled if their woman would occasionally 'act out' for him, as long as she is comfortable doing so. One thing porn is good for is helping indulge men in fantasies like threesomes, or other 'kinky' things his woman is not comfortable with. Let him indulge, in my opinion, as long as porn is not causing HIM to effect your sex life. (i.e. he'd rather watch porn than have sex with you) If his watching porn is effecting you sexually you can always try what I did, but that probably doesn't work for everyone.

Some women might not approve of what I do - dressing up to suit his fantasies - but I enjoy it too. He doesn't ask me to do these things, I do them willingly. I am not changing for my boyfriend, I am simply roleplaying.


----------



## SimplyAmorous

The fact he is telling you -you no longer look like you're 18 is his 1st mistake, I undersand your hurt here, plus you've said their are many other problems in the marraige. One is his callousness - obviously. These may be even bigger issues. 

I hope I can give you just another view on porn as my views have changed over the years. But I do agree with all the men, if you want to destroy it all & very fast, keep withholding the sex. This will only drive more of an addiction or going outside the marraige. 

I used to HATE porn, used to feel as many of the women on here, only comparing myself, after many kids & c-sections, I too have a large pouch, but still a size 5 (be thankful for this!), I used to tape scriptures on the computer screen, funny story is a week after getting our 1st computer, my homepage was naked women!! I angrily called Dell & told them what my husband did. I did learn to laugh about some of this as time went on. We still have one pop up box that comes on every single time the computer starts, due to viewing porn. 

I have a GREAT husband , even he hid it from me (pretty much the only thing in our marraige--because of my griping), and he even has LOW Testosterone levels and STILL Loves veiwing naked women, now if he is this way, I can almost guarentee you that if your man has HIGH levels of this hormone racing through his body, he will NOT stop porn unless he gets a Brain tumor, gets struck by lightning or worse , cause this desire is just "normal" and even healthy (depending on what they do with it -of coarse). 

Many do not know that the brain that is responsive to sex hormones is 2 and a half times LARGER in men than in women (page 84 in "Sex on the Brain" by Daniel Amen, MD), which explains their preoccupation with these things. And this book is NOT sexiest in any way, as women are said to use all of their brain (we think TOOO much, get more depression, etc) , and men only use HALF (generally Less depression, more impulsive), why women can multitask and men can not, etc etc. Such a knowledge on why men Are so different and why we think differntly MAY help you understand each other. 

If you have never been turned on to Porn in any way, and it repulses you (Much of it repulses me also as it seems so animalistic), this is going to be very difficulf for you, but some kind of compromise, for instance, what about PLAYGIRL DVD's , they are geared for the enjoyment of WOMEN viewers, I do not see them as animalistic or degrading, but highly erotic. MAYBE a start, watching these with the husband ?? A possibility?? It would be a step in HIS direction, and maybe he could do something for you. 

Talk to him. But not demand, show you CAN learn to understand him but it is not OK for him to put you down, You need to feel like you are desired over any women he looks at, that you are HIS QUEEN , many men who enjoy porn feel this way about their wives, and when a women FEELS this, she is usually able to overcome these insecurities and even allow her man to enjoy. AS LONG AS her needs are NOT being neglected in any way. That is a major DEAL breaker, and I totally sympathize with any women in such a situation. 

He needs to give you this, feeling you ARE his Queen. Or just working on some of the other issues in the marraige may bring this about. I just know I have overcame my insecurities, and now ENJOY porn with my husband and it has brought us much closer.

http://www.amazon.com/Love-Pornogra...p/dp/098187438X/ref=cm_cr_pr_product_top#noop This really sounds like a book you and husband could benefit from , this was mentioned earlier in a post, so I looked it up.


----------



## SIAS5727

Ok, I can see both sides. I know what it feels like to be insecure, AND I can only imagine what it feels like for you to hear your husband say that you should do something about your body. Not good. So he was genetically blessed, well good for him, but he shouldn't make others feel bad about their metabolism not being as good. I would educate him on this. Get him to read one of the many web sites that explain that 1) Men have higher metabolisms and 2) Most women that have had children can't get their bodies back, short of surgery. Is he willing to pay for a tummy tuck? If not, tell him to shut the hell up.

Now, of course men have higher sex drives which can suck for us women since well... we're possessive and jealous creatures and to some of us the thought of our OH getting turned on by another woman who looks better is simply devastating. I would compromise though. It can backfire to ask him to flat out stop. It can backfire BADLY. Men are stubborn I guess. Well, we're stubborn too. And it's just human nature to want things our way. We're selfish creatures.

Ok, so compromise. I would tell him no more mags - they're expensive and there's free stuff online. But without mags it'll be harder for you to come across it. Out of sight, out of mind. There are good free sites online that don't fill your computer up with viruses and other crap. Remember, out of sight, out of mind. I mean, that kind of works for me. Either set the browser to clear the history after each session or tell him that when he surfs porn, he should use the private browsing option that most browsers have. I know it's difficult, but remember: OUT OF SIGHT, OUT OF MIND.

I also liked the suggestion of another poster: tell him he can only watch porn after you've had sex. Or tell him to watch porn say 2 days a week, and on days that he doesn't watch it, you have sex with him.

Although his stupid remarks about your body would turn anyone off. I imagine how hard it'd be for you to get turned on after hearing THAT.

On the other hand, question for men: Ok, so you all like porn A LOT. You feel it's your right to watch it and women in your life should understand it and respect it. But then, why is it so hard to respect that maybe that woman is completely uncomfortable with it and the idea of you watching it? Sure, you're free to do what you want, but at the expense of hurting someone else? Why is the right to porn more important than a woman's hurt feelings?


----------



## Enough!!!

I have to say, I'm with you 100%. I hate porn, not only what it does to my own self esteem, but the women who pose/preform for them aswel.
I don't care what anyone says, the reality is men look at porn and fantasise about being with that woman, having sex with her or whatever... I'm fairly sure they don't watch it to get decorating ideas??? To me that is a form of cheating. Having been cheated on by my H (which we are trying to work through), makes me even more convinced his "porn" thing had something to do with it. It started with porn, then eventually went and got the real thing. We however have enjoyed a very fulfilling sexual life. Comments about "not giving it too him, may lead him to stray, really **** me off. There are NEVER any guarantees. If it makes you uncomfortable, then he needs to stop. Why is it always the women that needs to put out to stop her man cheating. What a load of BS. How would men feel if women said, if you keep looking at porn, and making me feel degraded, unworthy, not attractive enough etc then I'm going to sleep with someone that would rather look at me then porn. 
Stick to your guns, You should be enough for him not to need his UNREALISTIC touched up ladies.


----------



## myerssasha

Ok so here is my dilemma. I am 22 yrs old. with three kids and newly married. I was married once before to a man who would neglect my sexual needs to do the "deed" and watch porn which I consistently caught him doing. I did not approve of porn from the start as I had a child hood trauma that made me this way. I have come to terms with that. Now I am newly married to a wonderful man who loves and respects me, but I seem to push him away on regular basis. He is a man and has sexual needs and I do not let him satisfy those needs because of my problems in the past.

I told him from the beginning of our relationship that I will NOT put up with masturbation, porn, or anything like that. I caught him once and my trust for him is now gone. Now I seem to be looking for things that could be interpreted as negative behavior. I know I need help with this issue but I simply do not have time, not even an hour a week, as I work and go to school. I want him to be able to do what he wants but it hurts me so bad that it feels as though he is cheating on me.

As I read each blog on here, I now write this blog while I am crying, just because it pisses me off so bad that I have to open old hurtful memories for him to be able to jack off and watch porn. I know that I am being selfish in this field but I don't think that I can bring my self to terms with watching porn or to let him and its now come down to ending our marriage. Over this! It's so stupid I know but I can't do it and I don't know what to do except to desensitize myself which does not work. I just get mad.Now I am pushing him away and ending the marriage because I feel like a bad wife. He says he feels guilty even when he takes a shower. Now how could I make him stay with me if he is demeaned as a man? any advice?


----------



## myerssasha

I totally agree!


----------



## myerssasha

SweetiepieMI said:


> OK so this topic is crazy. My husband and I are going to be attending counsiling tomorrow, and this very subject is a huge part of the reason we are going.
> 1-I first hated porn and tried to control him.
> 2-Well then he starts going behind my back and hiding it.
> 3- I try a 180 degree turn and say "hey lets watch it together and go ebay crazy on buying pornos. (NEW IN PACKAGE hahaha)
> 4- Its ok in the beginning but i tell him im only comfortable with us doing it together.
> 5- Well 4 ends up being a lie because i never really want to watch it unless im wasted because i always end up comparing myself to them bitc-- i mean lovely women....
> 6- I get the feeling that hes once again eatching it behind my back and go into full blown crazy mode........
> 7- I place each of the ebay pornos in ABC order with title facing down. And i wait........ muahahahaha
> 8- Well, as I guess it, I find out that he is watching it again and am once again hurt...
> 
> What ive learned.... Im not sure I'll ever be ok with it. But I know that I have made it that much more fun for him. Because ive made it a HUGE deal its like taht much more exciting to do it and get away with it......
> 
> Hopefully the counsiling will help. I can tell myself over and over its a guy thing, and whatever, but I always go back to feeling hurt...


sweetie pie... I feel I connect with you the most.. I think you are right on the money! but unfortunately, I have always been the controlling one in my relationship(s) and now made it such a big deal that our marriage is on the brink of extinction. Im stubborn, hard headed, controlling, and a ***** to boot and he knew that when he married me. But here-in-lies the problem, I am so angry that I can't let him back into my heart even though I want him back. Im torn and I dont know what to do! help! Or Im gonna end up alone and sad for the rest of my life.


----------



## Kagonu

I don't see an issue with porn. I used to think I should have a problem with it, but I don't see the harm. It's just giving him ideas on stuff to try, and he says he always envisions us together. He wouldn't lie just to make me feel better. 

I'm not a very sexual person, but my guy really is. He gets his rocks off and I get to go on with my life. I'm typically too preoccupied with life to get into it. He totally jumps on the chance whenever I'm in the mood, so I'm satisfied and he doesn't complain.

As for the people who have issues with their man neglecting them to watch porn, every considered making a vid of you two? That might make him realize how hot you are. Or it might make him self conscious... Might wanna scratch that idea.


----------



## Kagonu

myerssasha said:


> But here-in-lies the problem, I am so angry that I can't let him back into my heart even though I want him back. Im torn and I dont know what to do! help! Or Im gonna end up alone and sad for the rest of my life.


Really, what did he do? So you caught him wanking it. Did you ask him why he needed to, who he was thinking about, what you could do to make sure it doesn't happen again since you're the one with the problem here?

You say you're controlling. I am too. But if he has needs and is feeling unfulfilled, and isn't talking to you about it, shouldn't you be glad he's just watching a video of sex and not seeking out another woman?

Seems to me that there is a communication barrier. I would talk to him. Find out where the issue is coming from and find a way to fix it. It's not all about you and your needs here. Imagine if you were in his place.


----------



## Angel2010

Marina72....you hit the NAIL ON THE HEAD....you have enlighten me and I don't feel so bad now. My husband is addicted as well...he feels as if he doesn't have a problem AT ALL. I'm so sick of him I could just throw up. Everytime I find a DVD or video tape I put them in the trash. Now he has purchased his own Lap top so I can't go through the computer history to see what low down websites he's been surfing. I feel exactly the way you do. If we used it together, that's one thing, but to sneak, hide and watch it every chance you get, it's definitly emotional cheating in my book. 
If this type of behavior discuss you, how can you let him put his hands on you? When I know that he's been whatching that mess...I don't want to be near him in any kind of way. I'm sorry, but my mind and heart wont allow it. I feel like I give in to him when I allow him to touch me after he's been watching that trash. Well, thanks again for sharing your views and comments. For that reason alone, I'm going to copy and past your comment and e-mail it to my husband so that he will see I am not alone in this fight. 

Racemom...I feel the same as you.. we need prayer for ourselves and spouses!!


----------



## nurse1

I am so sorry you are going through this. His porn viewing has nothing to do with you-keep in mind he's been doing this before you even had your kids. You should not feel bad about yourself. Ive found in my similar situation things seem to get better for us in the bedroom when I try to not check up on him--I just pray and let it go...not always easily. The more I try to forget about it the easier it is and he responds better to me because Im not angry with him. I know its not easy, but I feel better when I don't feel hurt or angry--if I don't find the evidence I don't feel this way.


----------



## ozymandias

Have any of you ladies ever considered counseling in order to overcome your aversion to pornography? The root causes of the self esteem issues you guys talk about likely stretch back to well before you met your husbands. Perhaps dealing with those issues could make you more accepting.


----------



## InnerGold

Accepting porn is dangerous. We get this question many times and we finally asked Gordon, founder of InnerGold, to answer this question. Listen to what he says. The problem with pornography is that more and more people are trying to get others to just accept it and it destroys many relationships. Here is the question we asked Gordon:

My spouse says, "I want you to sit down and watch with me, it will enhance our relationship."

... Should I?

Listen to what Gordon has experienced through many years of counseling. Is it Good Watching Pornography Together as a Couple? | Pornography & Sexual Addiction Help


----------



## ozymandias

InnerGold said:


> Accepting porn is dangerous.


Gosh, your point of view couldn't possibily have anything to do with the $265.00 InnerGold "treatment programs" you're here to sell, could it?


----------



## InnerGold

No it doesn't! The treatment system is tremendously valuable and helping many individuals but it has no bearing on the point that porn is dangerous and continues to destroy individuals and couples daily. Hence the fact that there our so many forums about these issues and many, men and women, wishing they could crush, kill and destroy this addiction.


----------



## ozymandias

lol... of course not. Since it sounds like you're trying to treat a medical condition perhaps you could tell me which section of the DSM-IV (or the proposed section in the new DSM-V) deals with pornography addiction?

As for why you see so many women here shouting the word "addiction" I think there are lots of reasons - the most obvious being the Oprah pop psychology industrial complex of which you seem to be getting your fair share of money from. Another more speculative reason might be the attenuation of intent that comes with the label addiction. The wives that post here like to believe that their husbands are "addicted" because it takes away some of their volition and agency. Their husbands couldn't possibly continue to do something that displeases them so much unless there was some part of the husbands that doesn't have a choice. I can understand why that's a comforting thing to believe since the alternative is that they don't give a damn that it hurts their feelings... and that is a cold reality to face.


----------



## InnerGold

You are correct, it is treating a medical condition. Sexual addiction issues have the exact same response on the brain that illegal drugs do. The dopamine is increased tremendously and more scepters are created requiring more and more dopamine which causes the addiction to increase. 

Viewing soft porn is no longer able to get the same high so it is increased to the next level, which feeds more dopamine which fuels the addiction and it increases more and more. Eventually a lot of addicts take it to the next level to try to get the, "high" and have cheated on their spouse.

This is an addiction and very dangerous to play with because of the secrecy that occurs and it's not brought out until the addict has been caught.

The limbic system (amygdala, which is developed at age 5) has been trained to utilize sexual addiction issues as a form of survival. Therefore, it is consistently trying to hijack the prefrontal cortex and convince the brain that it needs to view porn or act out in another way. 

When an addict learns how to manage the limbic portion of the brain, they gain long-term sobriety.


----------



## woomenomore

There is nothing wrong with setting boundaries in your relationship. The porn bothers you and he should respect that regardless....YOU feel insecure with it and not comfortable having sex and he should respect that. I'm sick of men saying it "means nothing" and "they are no comparison." It takes away from the intimacy in your marriage and poisons the marriage. Instead of building intimacy and nurturing your marriage, he is looking at porn. Set some boundaries and do what is right for you. If you were fine with the porn, ok, but you are not and that is ok. YOu have a right to feel the way you do and he needs to respect that. You have told him how you feel and he needs to get over it. If it is an addiction, you both need to seek counseling. Why everyone is telling you to not withhold sex, and give in, is beyond me. You matter and how you feel matters. It is not ok. Don't settle. You are obviously unhappy and wanting to set some boundaries and he is deciding how the marriage should work. Porn has destroyed many marriages. It is ok to feel the way you feel and don't let anyone tell you differently. You are a unique individual that is feeling hurt and insecure and a caring husband would not want you to feel that way and tell you to "do something about your body." I'm sure his body has changed as well but you don't say anything about it......you aren't looking at playgirl are you? Good luck. I hope and wish the best for you.


----------



## Crypsys

racemom,

If I may be so bold I'd like to give you my opinions on the situation from my point of view. I think your husband is dead wrong in continuing to view porn when you have stated to him how strongly you do not like it. Yes, it is normal for a man to look at porn. We are by our nature a visual creature (while you ladies tend to be more mental). A man can definitely look at porn and still be madly and fully in love with his spouse. BUT, watching porn ceases to be acceptable when your mate tells you they do not like it. By continuing to do something like that, it shows a HUGE amount of disrespect to the other person. 

I also think you may have a bit of an issue with insecurity (as a lot of ladies do). And it's NOT just because you don't like porn. But by your OP, it sounded like you do have a self-image issue (which sadly our society foists upon you ladies). You stated many times you don't like seeing those ladies "perfect" bodies. I do have a lot of issues with what is being foisted across now days as "perfect". What comes across the airwaves as beauty is unattainable by your average woman. There is NOTHING wrong with being a healthy weight. Whenever I can see your ribs, I always say that lady needs a sammich! There is a huge difference between a gaunt "perfect" body and a very healthy proportioned woman. Look at the classic beauties, none of them are a size 0!

I think you both could either work together on helping each other with your issues. Although honestly your issue seems more "normal" then his does if that makes any sense?


----------



## created4success

racemom said:


> I am not worried about the kids finding the magazines, it just makes me feel insecure(?) about my body. He often points out that I don't look like I did when I was 18 and why don't I do something about it? I'm not overweight, but I have had 2 kids and do have a baby pooch.


You don't need to feel insecure about your body. I'm sorry he's into porn; but the fact is that the body type of those models is something that only 5% of women out there can ever hope to achieve (it's necessary for their careers, after all). On top of that, I'm sure you're hubby isn't perfect either & likely has several physical flaws as well.



> He gets angry when I won't have sex with him, but how can I when I know he's been looking at young girls with beautiful bodies. I don't know why, but this has always bothered me.


Sex in marriage is not just physical gratification (like porn) but intimacy with your spouse. 



> He has done it throughout our 15 year marriage and we have always fought about it. Now that it is affecting our sex life, other things seem to be adding to the problem equation. Am I just being a harda?? Or do I deserve to feel this way?


What you're feeling is perfectly normal. I used to be the same way with my wife; pissed that she wouldn't give me sex, but totally oblivious to the fact that my bad habits (porn) were affecting our relationship. Perhaps counseling would help (a neutral third party)?


----------



## Dani

wow....thank you for giving me some confidence that love does exist not just sex and the top layer of skin. I'm a young attractive 54 and have been asked if my husband is my dad. He's a bit stuffy appearing but in private, I find after 24 yrs .. running to the computer to check out the Treat of the month and to me it's vulgar and degrading. If he gets pleasre there, we are not compatible...he knows how I feel about it. I'm VERY vocal. Just doesn't know he's caught again. meantime ... I'm out of town and wondering why all the sudden interest unless he has someone he wan't to "work his majic" on.... that should last about 3 min. I don't know....he doesn't show any interst even when I try so maybe I need to learn from all of this and get my own thrill going.


----------



## amanda1959

GAsoccerman said:


> Racemom, I can only offer my point of view.
> 
> I can honestly say I have received Playboy for about 10 years, it was a gift subscription from my wife and I have and do view some porn on the internet. I would say I average about 15 min a week. Usually just pics on Project Voyuer or some other site.
> 
> Now I can Honestly say I DO NOT compare my wife to any of these women, not the bodies, the faces, none of it.
> 
> My wife is SO MUCH MORE then any of these women can be, the intimate connection we have, the sexy teasing, the joking, etc.
> 
> My wife is 38, she has given birth to three Children (our children) and also has the "pouch" that so many women hate and the stretch marks. Where as I don't even see them or notice them.
> 
> May I ask, Have you ever dressed up? Role Play? you know French Maid? Call girl? Sexy Nurse? Secretary? School girl? Lingerie? anything of that sort? for your husband? Have you ever done a Sexy Photo shoot?
> 
> I'll put it this way, I have about a thousand pics of my wife in different outfits and different "roles" in my "collection" for my eyes only of course. I find NOTHING SEXIER then my wife in her "costumes" or Lingerie.
> 
> Right now you have a self confidence issue wih your body, when it is all really in your mind, men do not compare their wives to these women on the magazines, they are fake and "photshopped" You are SO much more and CONFIDENCE makes women even sexier.
> 
> Do you have a nice Digital camera? When the kids are away (school, grandma'setc) Ever think about doing a " dress up" photo shoot for your hubby? He can be the camera man, the director, you can be the Model, dress yourself up, make up, the whole nine yards, nicely shaved...etc.
> 
> I am telling you, you surprise your husband with this, he will be drooling over you, My wife and I do phot shoots ever so often we come up with new Idea's and outfits. You know low cut top, miniskirt, thigh high stockings, high heels, stuff you would never wear in public, but would wear for your hubby.
> 
> There is a old saying, " we want our women to be a "lady" in public, but a sexual freak in the bedroom!"
> 
> We want you to be the nice sweet lady and mom in public, but oh do we want the naughty girl in the house when no one is around.....get naughty, send him teasing texts, whisper things in his ear. He will love it.
> 
> As I said, I had gotten playboy for 10 years, I've grown bored of it, does nothing for me. But I can hardly wait for me and my wife's next photo session!!!! I am like a kid waiting on a big candy bar. I love my wife's face, hair, smile, body, everything about her...I don't even notice the "pouch" she complains about, I guess I am to busy looking at her chest!  lol
> 
> I hope this helps.


I would be careful of the pictures. Mine ended up on his sex/dating profile while he was cruising for other woman!


----------



## cb45

amanda1959 said:


> I would be careful of the pictures. Mine ended up on his sex/dating profile while he was cruising for other woman!




:rofl::lol::rofl::lol::rofl::lol::rofl::lol::rofl::lol::rofl::lol::rofl:

:smthumbup: Shalom.........


----------



## Mr B

MarkTwain said:


> There are men on this forum, and on other forums who admit to preferring jerking and porn to sex with their wives. The fact that your husband expects sex right after puts him in a different camp.
> ...


This is true. Husbands who come to prefer porn to partner sex, whether they are no longer sexually attracted to their spouse, are bored or have trouble performing sexually, don't usually still want to have marital sex. The fact that her husband still wants it is quite unusual. Often heavy porn users find they can not longer have sex with a real person because the experience is not as stimulating and intense as the porn and masturbation and they can't ejaculate or get or hold an erection.


----------

