# Not attracted anymore?



## Lovebug0478 (Feb 3, 2012)

Well, my husband and I have been married for 9 years, but we've been together for a total of 19 years...we are in our early thirties with two kids. We are high school sweethearts, however for the past few months, there seems to be something missing...something is just not right. We used to have sex at least 1-2 times a week and now it's been 1 every 3-4 weeks. Every night he's asleep by 8pm and I sit alone watching TV, reading or going online...I'm married, but feel so lonely. Beside the sex part, he doesn't kiss, hug or touch me in a loving way. He tells me all the time he loves me, but his actions say something totally different. Could it be he is just tired from his job? I get it, but I don't ask for much, just a kiss, hug...something. He says he is just tired, but I just feel like it's an excuse....any ideas or advice? We've been together for so long...maybe we've just grown apart? I feel lost


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Talk to him about how you feel. Tell him you want some love/sex and affection.

Couples counselling?


----------



## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

is there any reason he might be resentful? i float between loving and admiring my wife and wanting to just get away fom her and start anew. it drives me crazy, but it is caused by certain habits and behaviors that she has that are unnacceptable to me. i am not suggesting thats what is happening in your case but i know my wife had no idea how i felt until i told her. unfortunately for me nothing has changed and i withdraw more everyday


----------



## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

Hi lovebug ~

There can be a lot of different reasons why a person's drive may be negatively affected. You will need to start trying to eliminate possibilities.

Physical - Is he stressed? Does/could he have health issues - blood pressure, thyroid, low testosterone, etc.? Is he on any medications?

Emotional - Is he depressed/anxious? Could he be having an affair - is he secretive with his phone/computer/whereabouts?

Relational - How was your relationship prior to this? Did anything happen a few months ago - a catalyst event?

Does he express anything else to you besides being tired? Does he have any willingness to try and meet you 'in the middle' or explore 'why' he is tired or what to do about it?

Best wishes.


----------



## Stryker (Feb 3, 2012)

Lovebug0478 said:


> Well, my husband and I have been married for 9 years, but we've been together for a total of 19 years...we are in our early thirties with two kids. We are high school sweethearts, however for the past few months, there seems to be something missing...something is just not right. We used to have sex at least 1-2 times a week and now it's been 1 every 3-4 weeks. Every night he's asleep by 8pm and I sit alone watching TV, reading or going online...I'm married, but feel so lonely. Beside the sex part, he doesn't kiss, hug or touch me in a loving way. He tells me all the time he loves me, but his actions say something totally different. Could it be he is just tired from his job? I get it, but I don't ask for much, just a kiss, hug...something. He says he is just tired, but I just feel like it's an excuse....any ideas or advice? We've been together for so long...maybe we've just grown apart? I feel lost


..This is the most commonest grievance by women about their husbands...around the globe..

Distance, Time,Sex and Work are the factors which make men and women to drift apart both mentally and physically...Most women seem to be caring less to know the work fatigue and health needs of a Man, but keep on complaining about his lack of interest...Women may have to have some understanding and control on their minds , without being depressed down and thus slowly getting disappointed and distressed and stressed by Libido issues...Women are the ones , who should realize on these matters of facts..this will help( understanding, which is hugely lacking ) in coping with these situations and phases, otherwise things can turn wrong and wrung into marital and compatibility intricacies..and troubles...


----------



## Stryker (Feb 3, 2012)

*Dean* said:


> Many many years back, there was a period where I was really into
> my career and stressed at the same time.
> 
> Weeks felt like days. Not sure how I snapped out of it but wife
> ...


Here itself , we have a typical citation..

Women always want Men to understand them and make complaints.But when will women understand Men, and really do so..?


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Stryker said:


> ..This is the most commonest grievance by women about their husbands...around the globe..
> 
> Distance, Time,Sex and Work are the factors which make men and women to drift apart both mentally and physically...*Most women seem to be caring less to know the work fatigue and health needs of a Man, but keep on complaining about his lack of interest*...Women may have to have some understanding and control on their minds , without being depressed down and thus slowly getting disappointed and distressed and stressed by Libido issues...Women are the ones , who should realize on these matters of facts..this will help( understanding, which is hugely lacking ) in coping with these situations and phases, otherwise things can turn wrong and wrung into marital and compatibility intricacies..and troubles...


It is very wrong for you to think you can say what most women do or do not do. It's also wrong to put all the blame for marital problems on the wife.

Marriage takes two. Usually both parties share in carrying the fault for marital problems.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Stryker said:


> Here itself , we have a typical citation..
> 
> Women always want Men to understand them and make complaints.But when will women understand Men, and really do so..?


Again it takes two.


----------



## Stryker (Feb 3, 2012)

Most women seem to be caring less to know the work fatigue and health needs of a Man, but keep on complaining about his lack of interest.

--This is a Fact that is never understood by most Women..except a Few...thats the meaning of the post..you seem unaware of this too..

But we know, Men are The Active and Dynamic Power in Love Making or Sex..Women are more or less very Passive and Receptive..Women need not spend any much Energy in the Process.But Men are The Power House for the process...


----------



## Stryker (Feb 3, 2012)

Takes two.


*Yes* but not about Troubles ( which can be one sided and instigated by lack of understanding from one of the spouses) , * TAKES TWO IN UNDERSTANDING* ...and thats the Very Point...as per my comments.If only one understands , it does not reach peace...or order of things..


----------



## sirdano (Dec 30, 2011)

It sounds like he needs to take you a date once a week and do something special once a month.


----------



## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

You need to reconnect with your husband.

What worked for me was a long love letter telling him how much I appreciate him. Then I would say thank you for the everyday things he does for me. We also communicate very well and I did tell him I need snuggle time. We have completely reconnected on an emotional level. It does take both of you to work at it, and my husband was really touched by that letter. . Showing appreciation is what helped. It wasn't difficult at all to reconnect. My husband has pretty much the same feelings as I do and felt the need to reconnect. Since then the sex has increased dramatically! These last 6 months have been wonderful.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

Stryker said:


> Most women seem to be caring less to know the work fatigue and health needs of a Man, but keep on complaining about his lack of interest.
> 
> --This is a Fact that is never understood by most Women..except a Few...thats the meaning of the post..you seem unaware of this too..
> 
> But we know, Men are The Active and Dynamic Power in Love Making or Sex..Women are more or less very Passive and Receptive..Women need not spend any much Energy in the Process.But Men are The Power House for the process...


Not so in my house! You are generalizing!


----------



## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

You have fallen into the trap of comfort and complacency. Every marriage runs into it in some degree if the marriage lasts long enough. When each partner begins to value the other above themselves "wow" fireworks begin anew! Keep hope alive!


----------

