# Are we Entitled to see Our "Own" Spouse Naked?



## Lavender (May 14, 2008)

Are we as Spouses Allowed.. Entitled to see our Spouses Naked? When One Person is Insecure about themself ( as we all are in some way or another usually) 

If ... Your " Married" and have been for Over 4 years & counting & in that time frame You have Not seen your own spouse100% Just Naked .. ( You can have Plenty sex in the dark)

I am speaking literally not viewing the other person bathroom off limits .. any place that would expose more than there comfortable exposing is excluded .. doors locked etc .. SO after enough time passes & your not getting anywhere with helping secure them enough .. Is it them or is it You that should be Insecure because....

Frustration & many emotions start to consume the partner waiting ... so ....Does For Better or Worse take away Our Right to Ask & Exspect .... Should we continue based on for Better or Worse to wait forever if necessary .. Not Pressuring them ?? Knowing its possible the day might never come that there secure enough to ever be that open with you.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

The kind of insecurity you describe will invariably creep into other parts of the marriage and eat away at it.
Negative Body Image is damaging - to both partners. You have clearly outlined the reasons why.

The concept of love, understanding, support and acceptance is what anyone in a marriage strives for. They are necessary and healthy. Practicing them is meant to strengthen your bond. But ... if the practice of those qualities over time diminishes your sense of self, or worse, enables unhealthy or damaging behavior in your partner at your expense, it is time to change.

There should not be locked doors. Sex in the dark, under the covers perpetuates a notion of shame or embarrassment. As a spouse, you are being _excluded_ by your partner with NBI. Not addressing the issue is unhealthy, for both of you.

Edit: I saw your other thread about getting compliments from your spouse. So may I ask which of you has the NBI issue?


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## revitalizedhusband (Feb 9, 2009)

Oh yes, I fully believe in the ideal that my body is now hers, and her body is now mine.

My wife and I talk all the time that we are each other's and not our own anymore. And in the bedroom we can do whatever we want (within reason) to each other .


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## revitalizedhusband (Feb 9, 2009)

mommy22 said:


> I definitely think that spouses should maintain the mindset that their bodies belong to one another. However, I see nothing wrong with boundaries. I think couples should have mutual respect for each other--i.e. monthly cycle body issues. For instance, if a woman is open to her husband seeeing her in all her glory 25 days out of the month, I think he should work with her if she wants to make love under the covers a night or two. The key is giving of ourselves to one another, encouraging/complimenting each other, and taking good physical care of our bodies.



I couldn't agree more.


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## MsLady (Dec 1, 2008)

Well, I think that even in marriage, we aren't "entitled" to anything. BUT, does each partner have a responsibility to share as much as possible (including the body)? Yes.

As a woman, I sympathize with the incredibly insecurity that we feel about our bodies, whether we're 100 pounds or 200 pounds (though the higher the pounds, the more insecurities).

But, if you've done everything to reassure her that you find her body beautiful and attractive and that it turns you on (without lying), then it's definitely on her to TRUST. It comes down to a basic trust issue and she's not giving you her trust.

Now, has there been an attempt at a compromise? One thing that my husband and I have done successfully in the bedroom (and that list is short) is that when I'm feeling so insecure about my body that being totally in the nude in the lights would only turn me off b/c I'd be too worried about how I look to relax, I find an item of clothing that is sexy and/or that allows me to reveal some things while covering up others. It can be as simple as wearing a shirt that buttons down the front, then I open the top and let breasts hang out while my tummy (my insecure area) remains covered. 

There's tons of lingerie out there that allows this type of simultanous concealing and showing that might work for you guys if she's willing to show you at least some things.


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

to the women:
if he still desires you then don't sweat it, let your inhibitions go.
if you have gained 300 pounds and he is off of you, dont try to look sexy

to the men:
same thing


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## Lavender (May 14, 2008)

Thanks 4 all the replies.
As for the Question of which spouse has the NBI ...In all fairness Both have issues & insecurities But its the Hubby this thread pertained to that doesnt do Naked where its visual & locks bathroom doors etc.


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## sarah.rslp (Jan 2, 2009)

I'd be careful about branding someone as insecure just because they have different opinions on nudity that your own.

I got into a habit of being pretty casual about nudity with my SO's from previous relationship. It's something that made hubby uncomfortable, it's not some hang up its just his opinion and its as valid as anybody elses. And throwing on a pair of knickers when I'm around the house wasn't really much to ask for.

Anywho I don't think there's any need to over analyse stuff.


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## MsLady (Dec 1, 2008)

Good point, Sarah. I assumed the OP was referrring to times when they are intimate. Men (and many women) can be very visual, so they often NEED to be able to see their partners in order to fully enjoy the experience.

On re-reading, he also mentions bathroom privacy and, on that, I fully agree. That's not about insecurity. I had a boyfriend that thought it was just fine for both of us to be in the bathroom while one was pee-ing or #2 or whatever. I consider my bathroom time VERY private and, even 6 years into marriage, I don't pee in front of DH. Not because I'm insecure or have a hang-up, it's just where my boundary stands. Now, in an emergency or if I had to, sure - you go if you have to go. But how often does that happen? And I do lock the bathroom door when I shower or use the toilet for #2 as I am more able to relax and "enjoy" LOL.


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## Lavender (May 14, 2008)

The refrence was to strictly times of Exspected intimacy.. Not toilet time lol Ughhh Not wanting that much connection.. showers baths etc all have gone hand in hand with the refusing to be Naked in view... its been a long time that weve been together .. I would just hope that he would have became comfortable enough by now to share & trust me viewing him in those moments... as for him being insecure I didnt label him that.. he told me he was too insecure when I question him as to why we dont have that kind of connection in our marrige.


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## revitalizedhusband (Feb 9, 2009)

toilet-no
bath/shower-yes
bedroom-ABSOLUTELY


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

I got the sense that it was your husband and not you.

Do you have any insight as to why he gets anxious about nudity?

I have a friend whose wife's style of dress is usually tight, form-fitting, cleavage popping, provocative. But ... she hates being naked. If they are in bed she insists on staying covered, or will wrap herself in the bedsheet if she needs to get up and walk around. Bit of an oddity there.


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## Rattlehead (Apr 28, 2009)

Something you have to keep in mind.. In order for most people to enjoy sex & intimacy, they need to feel relaxed & comfortable. Maybe your husband doesn't feel comfortable with his body, and therefor can not be relaxed enough to be intimate and enjoy sex if he is put into the position of doing something that makes him uncomfortable. If you want him to be comfortable going nude in front of you, I think you should try to help him overcome whatever is making him insecure about his body in the first place. If he is overweight, help him lose the extra lbs. etc.


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## Lavender (May 14, 2008)

he says he is overweight in his opinion but I have never said that nor thought that! the really confusing part is .. he has been 2 diffrent sizes in our 4 years together & the first couple of years he would himself tell you he was his ideal weight & often mentions he will be more comfortable when he gets back to that size.. However when he was that size he is referring to as his comfort zone goal well ..It was the same thing.. ITS always been this way regardless of the size he sees he still wont get up without sheet wont undress without lights off cant move cover like your gonna snatch it in playing etc ...will cause distress.. shower bathtub are also a No No.. I did get him to come to the shower once after dark and he turned the light off first so ??? I would be thrilled to think I could help him reach what he feels would make him comfortable with me but hes already been there & still wasnt...


Oh & Deejo lol theres lot of reasons women might be confident in clothes verses without .. the wonder bra miracle & control we have over our bodies with the help clothing provides to reveal & hide what u choose..something as simple as stretch marks could be keeping her in hiding .. but have no effect on her dressed sex appeal ... thanks for the replies


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## Rattlehead (Apr 28, 2009)

Lavender said:


> he says he is overweight in his opinion but I have never said that nor thought that! the really confusing part is .. he has been 2 diffrent sizes in our 4 years together & the first couple of years he would himself tell you he was his ideal weight & often mentions he will be more comfortable when he gets back to that size.. However when he was that size he is referring to as his comfort zone goal well ..It was the same thing.. ITS always been this way regardless of the size he sees he still wont get up without sheet wont undress without lights off cant move cover like your gonna snatch it in playing etc ...will cause distress.. shower bathtub are also a No No.. I did get him to come to the shower once after dark and he turned the light off first so ??? I would be thrilled to think I could help him reach what he feels would make him comfortable with me but hes already been there & still wasnt...
> 
> 
> Oh & Deejo lol theres lot of reasons women might be confident in clothes verses without .. the wonder bra miracle & control we have over our bodies with the help clothing provides to reveal & hide what u choose..something as simple as stretch marks could be keeping her in hiding .. but have no effect on her dressed sex appeal ... thanks for the replies


Maybe you're on to something with that last comment you made about a completely different subjet. Even though your husband was at his ideal size, perhaps he had stretched loose skin from being overweight before and that made him uncomfortable aswell.


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## Lavender (May 14, 2008)

I understand there are all kinds of reasons he might be uncomfortable in his own skin.. Just like with the average person.. Im Not comfortable in my skin & have made that very clear to him from the beginning.. just feels like I face my fears and undress not being comfortable because of his words he led me to trust him ( even though Im very insecure I dont know how to phrase it?? I dont take my insecurity out on him?? I would love to hide too and not be exposed & he argues i have nothing to be insecure about .. totally dismissing me and my opinion about myself but he wont return the favor and Believe me when I tell Him how I feel about him.. he makes me face my fears so to speak has words ready to dispute me & I get really frustrated that I am the only one taking the plunge so to speak and the way it seems .. it will always be that way??? I dont know


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## Rob2380 (Dec 21, 2009)

Same here, Star. My wife has let me know often that she likes seeing me naked (usually when I am getting ready in the morning. I wish she was more comfortable doing it too, but I know she feels self-conscious about her body. I respect her boundaries.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Rob2380 (Dec 21, 2009)

Star said:


> I don't really get the self-conscious thing, if you are having sex with each other, you are seeing it all anyway, so what's the issue with walking around the house naked? afterall you have seen it all before.


It's not like I don't see her naked at times; I do. But she'll tell me if she's home alone she'll walk around the house naked, but won't do it if I'm home. I think it's because she's got some weight to lose (as do many of us, self included) and pregnancy gave her the gift of stretch marks. She doesn't have a problem with me seeing her come out of the shower, but she'll only stay that way for more than a minute or two while drying off before throwing something on. Me, I'm more comfortable showing it all, and the feedback she gives me says to continue.


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## Star (Dec 6, 2009)

Rob2380 said:


> It's not like I don't see her naked at times; I do. But she'll tell me if she's home alone she'll walk around the house naked, but won't do it if I'm home. I think it's because she's got some weight to lose (as do many of us, self included) and pregnancy gave her the gift of stretch marks. She doesn't have a problem with me seeing her come out of the shower, but she'll only stay that way for more than a minute or two while drying off before throwing something on. Me, I'm more comfortable showing it all, and the feedback she gives me says to continue.


In my opinion she should be happy with the body she has, I spent a long time hating mine when I was in my 20's I envied girls who had really big boobs, more curves than I did, then I got to a point when I was reaching my 30's of realising that it was a waste of time comparing myself to other women and just to accept what I have and focus on what I did like in the hope the rest would follow.

Now I don't give a dame, one year I went on holiday to the carribean and I thought to myself you know what I'm not that bad, there IS worse out there and if they can walk around half naked without a care in the world then so can I, so while on the beach one day, my bikini top came off and for once I didn't give a toss who saw me, I even had a waiter come up to me to get me a drink and I didn't flinch once. from that day onwards something clicked inside and I gave up hating my body image and embraced what I had.


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## bacala787 (Feb 7, 2010)

Short answer - yes


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## sooner2000 (Feb 11, 2010)

revitalizedhusband said:


> toilet-no
> bath/shower-yes
> bedroom-ABSOLUTELY


This.


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

Yeah, most people think this goes towards the woman being shy in the marriage but let's face it. . .one of the first thoughts a guy has (most honest guys) when he's being seen naked for the first time is, "Will she think I'm big enough?" That could be a reason for a guy. Hey, I"ll admit if I had a cold swim. . .some privacy please - shrinkage.

But I love looking at my gf's butt. I would hate for her to be shy with that.

Women's butts never get bad with age. They only improve.


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## 63Vino (Dec 23, 2009)

Star said:


> Now I don't give a dame, one year I went on holiday to the carribean and I thought to myself you know what I'm not that bad, there IS worse out there and if they can walk around half naked without a care in the world then so can I, so while on the beach one day, my bikini top came off and for once I didn't give a toss who saw me, I even had a waiter come up to me to get me a drink and I didn't flinch once. from that day onwards something clicked inside and I gave up hating my body image and embraced what I had.


OMG how beautiful. 


I realized long ago that I was not....Brad Pitt let's say but, I could go throught the rest of my life worrying about that or have one big life long party just accepting who I am and enjoying the body I have (I chose the latter and man what fun)

This is great advice star,
Like quitting smoking or overcoming some other mind gripping issue, It simply takes the right "thing" or circumstance to wake one up from that obsession.

Enjoy what you have. And with your partner?, You should work to get comfortable with them, to me that is one of your tasks as a partner.

Can I bring you a drink star?


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