# Wife has hit me 2 times



## Lonelylover

This is a first for me posting on a forum like this. A little back story. About 6 months ago my wife and I got into a heated argument. She yelled , I yelled. As she was walking out the door I screamed go F yourself. She stormed back in asked me what I said, I told her and she closed fist hit me in the chest a couple times. About an hour later we talked calmly and got past our differences but that image of her doing that to me never left. Fast forward to today. I'm joking around with my 5 year old and I hear her hollering at me from the other room. I get up to see what shes yelling about. She was trying to put sheets on a mattress in our son's room and the mattress fell on her, at the same time our youngest got his finger caught in the toy box lid. She freaks out that she was screaming for help and no one came. She tries to talk to me from a different room all the time. I couldn't hear her, didn't know she needed help. So I snapped back at her that I couldn't hear because I was playing with our son. That's not good enough and she continues to freak out. I tell she yells, then she does it again. Slaps me open handed in the chest. I instantly lose it and tell her she just bought herself a divorce. Gut reaction, not the best thing to say. 

I feel like I am at a crossroads here. On one hand I love her and want to be with her but on the other I don't want to be with her if she is going to lose it like she does. I don't want my boys around it either. I have thought about counseling but I know she will say we cant afford it. She has suggested many times we have seperate bank accounts. I'm actually leaning that way because I don't want to lose everything. 

Any advice is appreciated. I don't know what to do anymore. 

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## personofinterest

Okay, you both need anger management...

BUT

She has physically assaulted you. Twice, no mean words make that okay. She committed a crime: assault.

IF you want to stay married, you both need anger management. And she needs counseling. If she is hitting you in anger, she WILL hit your kids someday.

Physical abuse is NEVER okay.


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## FieryHairedLady

A divorce is more expensive then counseling.


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## Mr. Nail

As a guy, your options are limited. Filing for divorce or separation is a good safety move. in fact if you had gone official on either of these events there would be an enforced separation. Police do that because they don't like cleaning up murders. 

OK here is the practical advice you came for. When she hits you again:
DON'T
Hit back.
Try to hold her down or restrain her.
Verbally assault her. (swear at her)
block her from leaving a room.

DO
Take the kids and leave.
Go to an emergency room if she marks or wounds you. (not the police station)

Remember the priority of securities in an abusive attack:
Protect the innocents (kids)
Protect your physical self,
Protect economic assets. 

Protecting your ego isn't even in there. 
Have a plan/


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## 269370

Lonelylover said:


> This is a first for me posting on a forum like this. A little back story. About 6 months ago my wife and I got into a heated argument. She yelled , I yelled. As she was walking out the door I screamed go F yourself. She stormed back in asked me what I said, I told her and she closed fist hit me in the chest a couple times. About an hour later we talked calmly and got past our differences but that image of her doing that to me never left. Fast forward to today. I'm joking around with my 5 year old and I hear her hollering at me from the other room. I get up to see what shes yelling about. She was trying to put sheets on a mattress in our son's room and the mattress fell on her, at the same time our youngest got his finger caught in the toy box lid. She freaks out that she was screaming for help and no one came. She tries to talk to me from a different room all the time. I couldn't hear her, didn't know she needed help. So I snapped back at her that I couldn't hear because I was playing with our son. That's not good enough and she continues to freak out. I tell she yells, then she does it again. Slaps me open handed in the chest. I instantly lose it and tell her she just bought herself a divorce. Gut reaction, not the best thing to say.
> 
> I feel like I am at a crossroads here. On one hand I love her and want to be with her but on the other I don't want to be with her if she is going to lose it like she does. I don't want my boys around it either. I have thought about counseling but I know she will say we cant afford it. She has suggested many times we have seperate bank accounts. I'm actually leaning that way because I don't want to lose everything.
> 
> Any advice is appreciated. I don't know what to do anymore.
> 
> Sent from my SM-G930V using Tapatalk




Try to channel the anger properly: **** her hard next time instead of telling her to go **** herself.

But to be serious, people will say this is not ok and it isn’t. But if she’s a woman and weaker than you then the verbal assault is just as bad as the physical, I sometimes find. But if you are keen to divorce, it’s easier to rationalise that divorce is the right thing to do if she hits you...

Do these fights occur mostly a week before her period? Could she be suffering from PMS? 

Unless that money is in somebody else’s name, separate bank accounts won’t change how it will all be divided if you decide to divorce her.

Try to not let things escalate to that stage: if you feel things are heading that way, stop immediately, leave the house for at least 30 mins, cool down, come back later and discuss calmly. It can get very ugly, very quickly especially if you both have tempers and then stuff can be said that cannot be unsaid and I find, as a bloke, this is worse than if you get slapped or kicked in the nuts or whatever. (Most will disagree though. If you are stronger and use physical violence: different story IMO, ie much worse. 
Neither is good or ok though).


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## Wolfman1968

Carry a VAR on you until you can decide on your final move (divorce, whatever).


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## john117

FieryHairedLady said:


> A divorce is more expensive then counseling.


And more effective.


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## threelittlestars

hum.... I think something is amiss here. How long together? Any marital issues? You cheat? She cheat? Financial infidelity? Mental instability? 

Look she assaulted you. I agree. However, I have also slapped my husband I think three times. Two in one session and another later. AND I SLAPPED HARD. I was very provoked and (I had poor anger management). It was wrong, he was wrong too in what he did. 

In the end I do think this was not OKAY of your wife, but is there more? More to the story I mean.


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## aine

She might have a BPD or there is something you are not telling us, (i.e. half of the story).


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## EveningThoughts

6 months ago you got into a heated argument. 
Is this your first major argument?
Was the cause of that argument resolved?
Do you both often get verbally aggressive or is this just in the last 6 months?

If my husband told me to go f*** myself I would have lost it. Not sure what I would have done, but those are nasty nasty words. 

You both need to learn how to manage your verbal anger especially if your kids are witnessing any of this. 

I don't know what to say about your wife's physical behaviour as it's quite upsetting. Is she even upset with herself for losing control? Has she shown signs of physical aggression in the past or is this a recent development?


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## Lonelylover

threelittlestars said:


> hum.... I think something is amiss here. How long together? Any marital issues? You cheat? She cheat? Financial infidelity? Mental instability?
> 
> Look she assaulted you. I agree. However, I have also slapped my husband I think three times. Two in one session and another later. AND I SLAPPED HARD. I was very provoked and (I had poor anger management). It was wrong, he was wrong too in what he did.
> 
> In the end I do think this was not OKAY of your wife, but is there more? More to the story I mean.


8 years together, no cheating on either part. Normal marital issues nothing major. Financially we get by but its tight most weeks. Only mental issue is she had some post pardem with our second son. She was on some medicine for a while but got weaned off of it. 

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## Lonelylover

EveningThoughts said:


> 6 months ago you got into a heated argument.
> Is this your first major argument?
> Was the cause of that argument resolved?
> Do you both often get verbally aggressive or is this just in the last 6 months?
> 
> If my husband told me to go f*** myself I would have lost it. Not sure what I would have done, but those are nasty nasty words.
> 
> You both need to learn how to manage your verbal anger especially if your kids are witnessing any of this.
> 
> I don't know what to say about your wife's physical behaviour as it's quite upsetting. Is she even upset with herself for losing control? Has she shown signs of physical aggression in the past or is this a recent development?


We get in small fights here and there nothing huge. Seems like every time we fight I am the one who ends up apologizing and she never does, which makes me feel like she doesn't think she did anything wrong. She talks to me like I'm a kid a lot. She gets mad if I don't remember things she told me a week ago. I listen to her but I don't remember things well. The cause of the first argument was resolved. I don't honestly remember what it was about. I try to be an easy person to get along with but I feel like I'm getting pushed around a lot and I do not like that. I have never raised my hands at her ever and I never will. I stay as calm as I can during most arguments, but she keeps beating a dead horse most times and I get to the point where I just cant stand it anymore and that's when I yell.

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## FalCod

You guys both have serious anger management problems. Whether you stay together or run from each other, that's a problem you both need to resolve if you want to be in a good marriage. My wife and I have been married for more than 25 years and have disagreed about countless things, but we've never yelled at each other, let alone cursed or hit each other. We wouldn't even treat our friends that way, let alone each other.

This is an example of why I often remind my teenager children to stay away from crazy, regardless of how superficially appealing crazy may be.


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## FalCod

On a more positive note, it really is something you can change. I have a good friend that used to have tantrums back in college - overturning tables, breaking things, that sort of stuff. I don't recall him ever getting violent with anyone, but he definitely raged. I don't know how he got passed it, but he's super calm now.


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## personofinterest

Wolfman1968 said:


> Carry a VAR on you until you can decide on your final move (divorce, whatever).


 Absolutely. Any woman who will hit you is also a woman who will accuse you of hitting her. Grown UPS can control their hands if they want to. There is no excuse for what she did. I'm not going to go into what you said because plenty of other women will be along to do that period


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## uhtred

Unfortunately you are at risk because police / courts are much more likely to believe a woman than a man in cases of domestic violence. You may have to break contact and leave. 

I don't know any safe way for you to stay with the risk that she could accuse you.


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