# Crazy - Response



## happybuddha (Aug 9, 2014)

So my wife got upset tonight at me trying to calm my daughter down out at dinner. We decided to move to another table because it was cold where we were..

My wife got upset and walked out and sat in the car while we ate. before she left when I tried to talk with her she didnt want to talk and just walked out on me and my daughter..

When we got back I also gave daughter a bath and put her to sleep and my wife didnt want to talk to me or give our daughter even a good night kiss..

Now she is on the opposite end of the house and she had given me the silent treatment now for the last few hours.

Normally I try and speak with her however usually it can get dramatic .. so I am just leaving her alone however I really dont think she understand the impact of her drama on me or how it lands with our 5 year old...

Any ideas from anyone on how to deal with this . She is also having some issues around that time of the month .. hopefully this will all blow over and I cant imagine how bad she must feel in order to not want to even talk to or respond to me or our daughter ...

I dont know - why would she hold on to being upset for 3 hours now over her trying to put on our daughters jacket and our daughter felt like she was hurting her arm and started crying however I think our daughter was just hungry but why make a scene at a restaurant .. I try and calm everyone down and now I guess I am the bad guy for wanting everyone to be peaceful .

Any thoughts ...


----------



## Buddy400 (Aug 30, 2014)

happybuddha said:


> Any thoughts ...


Your wife has some significant problems; which won't be solved by starting new threads. 

I'd suggest going back and reading the responses to your prior posts.


----------



## happybuddha (Aug 9, 2014)

I guess my question is how do I deal with her reactions and how she is being ? Should I just leave her have her space and stay clear ?


----------



## murphy5 (May 1, 2014)

happybuddha said:


> I guess my question is how do I deal with her reactions and how she is being ? Should I just leave her have her space and stay clear ?


I would wait until next day when she was calmed down and ask her WTF was going on in her head. See if she has a rational answer, or at least admits to being a little over-the-top? Maybe the way you did it pissed her off, too bossy, or rude to the servers?


----------



## happybuddha (Aug 9, 2014)

No I think the fact that i interrupted , took my daughter and calmed her down - got her upset .. that my daughter was crying because she felt like her arm was getting hurt as she put on her jacket. Also my daughter was hungry ..

Some lady actually came up to me after this incident and gave me complement for handling my daughter beautifully and that I have a great heart and that I must be very successful based on how I was with her.. that was kind of interesting .. hmmm


----------



## happybuddha (Aug 9, 2014)

I think my wife gets upset because I always try and calm my daughter down vs threatening her with do this or we are leaving or if you dont do this... then I am not going to be around here...

I think that way of communicating such as if you dont act a certain way then I dont want to be around you causes even more drama ..

I dont know. I think my wife doesnt like how I handle my daughter and she feels that i cater to her being at peace ...vs standing firm. do you make your daughter cry and get upset at a public place ?


----------



## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

The lady was telling you that your wife was crazy, her reaction was crazy, her behavior was crazy, and her stomping out was crazy.

All of your posts describe crazy behavior on your wife's part.

Understand this, you cannot rationalize away crazy. Read that again, and again and again. Then, learn not to enable, learn not to be codependent, and read some books on those topics as well. Once you've read and learned, you can then handle your wife.


----------



## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Emotional disregulation... What would THAT indicate...

Isolated or infrequent cases, not much. If it's recurrent maybe some personality disorder???


----------



## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

john117 said:


> Emotional disregulation... What would THAT indicate...
> 
> Isolated or infrequent cases, not much. If it's recurrent maybe some personality disorder???



Ya think?


----------



## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

Approach it from "other people's shoes" perspective. Starting with your daughter and then you.

For whatever it's worth, we are on year 18 in our relationship and my wife literally started to show better self control/deal with period much better for past 2 months.



Even my son complemented her about it.....

And on the other end, if I was to go thru the crap ladies go thru......I would be SO much worse, so it's hard to complain.


----------



## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Anon Pink said:


> Ya think?



With this magnitude response, yes. That's why I mentioned occurrence frequency. 

I don't expect astronaut level cool headed ness 100% but losing your marbles over that? On a regular basis maybe?


----------



## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

john117 said:


> With this magnitude response, yes. That's why I mentioned occurrence frequency.
> 
> I don't expect astronaut level cool headed ness 100% but losing your marbles over that? On a regular basis maybe?


Sorry, forgot to use the sarcasm font. I bet his wife is from a culture that devalues women. Oh wait...no one would take that bet. They all do.


----------



## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Sarcasm or not, emotional disregulation is quite a warning sign of many PD's. 

Seeing it thru cultural or other filters does not alter the premise.


----------



## happybuddha (Aug 9, 2014)

My fault. I made my wife look like the bad guy by interrupting and trying to be peaceful and nice. I should have stayed out oof it. ..on top of that ihave been told that I have a need to ffeel important ...that is why my daughter and I have a rrelationship. .my wife suggests to me that I want to feel Iimportant ...so that is..why my daughter fulfills. That need....aand then she did call doctor yesterday..however ddoctor ssaid everyone has their own Iintentions...guess mine being that I want to have sex with my wife...once..iin a while..after discussion this morning...i am tthe one with issues...ineed to get help...because my me iinterfering with her and my daughter I am tthe one creating drama....on top of all tthis. .iam weird ...so now I . Have to figure oout how to not want attention...not have intentions..stay out of my wife's business...not try and feel Iimportant. ..try to stop being weird around me wanting sex... perhaps I do have major issues. wanting to have a sexual rrelationship with my wife..maybe she's right here...and I am wrong...iI am feeling like nothing I ddo is right...iI feel as if I am working way to hard on this...providing for my family...perhaps everything I am doing ddoesn't really make the right Iimpact where it should ...I don't really feel like working today for what?


----------



## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

happybuddha said:


> My fault. I made my wife look like the bad guy by interrupting and trying to be peaceful and nice. I should have stayed out oof it. ..on top of that ihave been told that I have a need to ffeel important ...that is why my daughter and I have a rrelationship. .my wife suggests to me that I want to feel Iimportant ...so that is..why my daughter fulfills. That need....aand then she did call doctor yesterday..however ddoctor ssaid everyone has their own Iintentions...guess mine being that I want to have sex with my wife...once..iin a while..after discussion this morning...i am tthe one with issues...ineed to get help...because my me iinterfering with her and my daughter I am tthe one creating drama....on top of all tthis. .iam weird ...so now I . Have to figure oout how to not want attention...not have intentions..stay out of my wife's business...not try and feel Iimportant. ..try to stop being weird around me wanting sex... perhaps I do have major issues. wanting to have a sexual rrelationship with my wife..maybe she's right here...and I am wrong...iI am feeling like nothing I ddo is right...iI feel as if I am working way to hard on this...providing for my family...perhaps everything I am doing ddoesn't really make the right Iimpact where it should ...I don't really feel like working today for what?


Good god man, get this book right now and begin reading it tonight!

No More Mr Nice Guy: Robert A. Glover: 9780762415335: Amazon.com: Books



There is something seriously wrong with your wife. Your only fault is not recognizing it.


----------



## john117 (May 20, 2013)

What you wrote is relative to your frame of reference, i.e. your own needs and wants. That's your own "internal business".

Your wife's behavior is "external" to herself as it impacts others in her family. So you can't judge both with the same yardstick.


----------



## happybuddha (Aug 9, 2014)

I feel very uneasy about my needs not being met...I had a pounding headache all day....iI sure am praying that all of this works out....it's like tthere' a pink elephant Iin the room but no one cares to notice tthe elephant .....


----------



## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Sounds like you're coming out of denial. Good job. Keep coming.


----------



## john117 (May 20, 2013)

This isn't strictly about "your" needs. Unless you're truly selfless if your needs are not met then some of "her" needs are also not met, ad infinitum as nauseaum (pardon my Latin).

So it's a lose lose scenario...


----------



## justfabulous (Feb 9, 2014)

I think this is a very unhealthy environment for your child. The way your wife deals with your little girl, as well as what your little girl witnesses of your wife's treatment of you. I'd be quite concerned about how this will all impact her, now and in the long run.


----------

