# Hoping this will help



## purplewind (Oct 26, 2019)

Hey guys, I'm here because I've been having some issues with intimacy and I'm running out of articles online to read for advice.

Some background info, husband and I are both newly weds in our early 20s. We've known each other for a long time. Went from being friends for many years, dated for about 3 years, and got married this past summer. 

I'll make a longer post with more detail, but the bottom line is we lack ALL forms of intimacy now and it's making me scared for our relationship. Not only is sex rare, but so is cuddling, handholding, hugging, and all the little things he used to do to remind me that he loves me. 

I've continued to show him that same love, but it hasn't helped. I've verbally told him what I needed, but it didn't do much good. Just looking for ways to communicate with him about this so we can fix it.


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## aquarius1 (May 10, 2019)

Welcome and sorry that you are going through this.
Lack of intimacy this early on is worrisome.

Has something happened at work? More stress? A promotion?
Something different with his family? Any major changes elsewhere?

Someone here might suggest checking his phone for messages from another woman. Its been known to happen.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

Welcome aboard, sorry you're here.

You're young, so that makes both of you inexperienced in a lot of ways. Chances are you both have a lot of preconceived ideas of what marriage is, what intimacy is, what sex is, what family is, etc. After a few decades you break out from those, but only due to experience. Kind of a Catch-22.

The good news is you have recognized there is a problem and are seeking a solution. First thing is to get away from blame or making it about somebody doing something wrong. It isn't about fixing him or fixing you, and it isn't about convincing one of you that you are faulty. Your relationship has a problem.

I would suggest an easy step, which is to talk to him about how you feel. You feel abcxyz. Not that he is doing something wrong, just that in your marriage today you feel things have changed in a way which leaves you feeling unloved. Or however you would say it in your own words. I would also reassure him that you love him and want to have a long happy fulfilling life with him.

Then I would suggest you both read "5 Love Languages". Men are usually physical touch for one of their top items. One thing I disagree with the book is on sex. Sex can (and should) be part of each of the Love Languages. It isn't just touch. It can have a lot of Words of Affirmation, etc. However, men can interpret sex as love without understanding there are many ways to send and receive the message of love. The book can provide a place for you 2 to start conversations about how you like to interact, and what is important to each of you.

Marriage is a relationship and an entity of its own. You are not just room mates who sometimes also have sex. You aren't business partners who have financial ties. The marriage itself needs to be tended.

Balance is the key, where you each have your own individual interests and activities, but the core of things is the marriage. Is he not in the marriage? Or do you spend a lot of time together but never have intimacy? Do you nag him about things? Does he get angry at you for things? Do you (or he) have a tough job or crazy work hours? How did his parents' marriage work? Your parents' marriage? Are there big stressors such as money, jobs, school, health, etc?


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

purplewind said:


> Hey guys, I'm here because I've been having some issues with intimacy and I'm running out of articles online to read for advice.
> 
> Some background info, husband and I are both newly weds in our early 20s. We've known each other for a long time. Went from being friends for many years, dated for about 3 years, and got married this past summer.
> 
> ...


Hi! I'm sorry that you are starting off with some troubles, but sometimes it's good to be able to discover and then resolve (or learn how to resolve) issues that most couples face at some point in their relationship.

Have you asked him directly why he's stopped with any type of physical connection? Is he still kind to you, or caring towards you in other ways? Has he ever retreated from you like this before you were married, like in times of stress or unhappiness?

Articles are great, but HE is the only one who has the answers, and I would start with being as direct as possible with him to get those answers. He may try to deflect, or even downplay what's going on with him, but even those responses might be able to give you some insight, and you can work from their.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

What did he say when you had a conversation with him about it?

Do you initiate physical contact? What does he do? Or do you just wait for him to initiate?

Do you ever initiate sex? Does he refuse you? When you say sex is rare how often is that? Does he watch porn and masterbate? What is your desired amount of sex you want? What is his?


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

Start with this ....


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Your H may not know how to Love you as a newly wed , and may just needs some help.


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## temet nostre (Oct 10, 2019)

I think there are two possible explanations:

-He is angry at you because of something. If He is, He doesn't tall you, he just stopped talking to you and don't want to touch you. Maybe you controlling him too much and treat him like a child telling him to wot to do and when to do it. Maybe you share some secret that he wont to save only for two of you. 

-The emotional cold of your husband might be a symptom of depression. Is He change his everyday behavior? Maybe He loses interest in other people, stop meeting his friends. Is He change his sleeping or eating habits, lose his hobby?


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