# should I go to the marriage reatreat?



## won'tstoptrying53 (Feb 7, 2012)

Moved out wife is having an affair but wants to attend a marriage retreat this weekend. Should I go? One rule of the retreat (Retrouvaille) is that should be no third parties at the time of the retreat. She says they are not really involved (lie) and that she can go to the retreat with a pure heart. This will be the last chance to save my marriage. Should I go?


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## MyselfAgain (Apr 21, 2012)

There is a reason they say there should not be a third party...this will always keep the WS from making a true R attempt. If the A is ongoing, this is NOT the last chance.to save your marriage, it is your spouse's way to say later on that she did all she could before she leaves for good. Don't take the bait. If she gives up after this, she will have to deal with the fact that she did not really do anything to save the marriage. She may say she did everything she could and live with that, but you can't worry about it...in the end you know that you were willing and she was the one who gave up. I am going through this right now. I have gone NC, completely dark. Will stay that way until A is over or forever, depending on whether my WS decides to make q sincere effort. I am no longer hopeful.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

Are you OK with her having an affair? If so, then go for it.


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## won'tstoptrying53 (Feb 7, 2012)

Thanks, Myself Again. Are you saying I shouldn't go?


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## jenny123 (Mar 21, 2012)

Don't go unless the affair is over. My counselor told me that she doesn't do MC until the A has been over for 3 full months. I'm thinking a marriage retreat would apply the same rule?


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

an affair ain't over until there is no conact


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Hmmm. I don't see why you should go thru the motions if she is still embroiled in an affair. Sounds like a good way for her to save face (hey, I even offered to go to a marriage retreat!).

I wouldn't go...just be prepared for her to spin it the opposite way (hey, I even offered to go to a marriage retreat and he turned me down...).


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

If the A is not over, there is no point in going.


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

If you're positive (can prove) that it's still ongoing, don't go to the retreat. It will be a waste of time.

I agree with others that she's trying to line it up so she can tell people down the road "I know in my heart that I did everything I could to save this marriage" (short of NOT banging the OM)


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

No marriage retreat as long as she's having an affair. Non-negotiable.

The choice is hers. She can continue to fvck up your marriage or she can choose to restore the marriage.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

There is no sense even speaking to her as long as she`s in the affair so there`s no point to the charade of a marriage retreat.


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## In_The_Wind (Feb 17, 2012)

Are yall separated ? or living together ? i would not go the retreat based on the fact that she is still in an affair, I would suggest to you that you should ask her if she wants to be married or not if not then remove her from all joint accts or close them if your still together and her choice is the OM she needs to leave the house not you. Maybe consult an atty and possibly file if advised to for yourself I would suggest taking up some hobbies and maybe start working out or exercising recontact old friends who you have heard from in long while etc take care of yrself and if you have kids take care of them


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Like pregnancy, there is no such as a little cheating.

She's sleeping with another man, that's an affair.

No retreat while she is keeping her other sex partner around.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## won'tstoptrying53 (Feb 7, 2012)

Thanks for all the advice, everybody. I am going on the retreat. We are separated and agreed to see others during the separation. I do have evidence that her EA has not gone PA, although one can never be sure. I threatened divorce, which seemed to make her want to do the retreat. Neither one of us is perfect. We will see what happens at Retrouvaille. If nothing else, it may help us to get through a divorce.


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## UpnDown (May 4, 2012)

won'tstoptrying53 said:


> Thanks for all the advice, everybody. I am going on the retreat. We are separated and agreed to see others during the separation. I do have evidence that her EA has not gone PA, although one can never be sure. I threatened divorce, which seemed to make her want to do the retreat. Neither one of us is perfect. We will see what happens at Retrouvaille. If nothing else, it may help us to get through a divorce.


Well, as long as you keep an open mind to whichever way this will go .. good luck!


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