# Kissing and marriage sex are absolutely awful



## Spouse (Jul 13, 2009)

I (husband) like to kiss, touch, etc, but these things and sex in general seem dead with my wife. I don't know if it's because I'm not attracted to her physically or mentally, or because I'm stressed out, or just because the marriage sucks, or this is how marriage sex generally is?

Admittedly the sex was never good (we didn't have sex before marriage) but it definitely got worse, to the point where we now only do it maybe once every few months. We usually kiss for a minute and then get bored and end it abruptly. It just doesn't feel good. Kissing her feels irritating and I feel that kissing ANY other girl on Earth would be a turn on, and I'm sure she feels the same way. 

It's as if the kissing is bad because we expect it to be bad.

I don't know what I'm getting at - just a rant. My 24-28 year old friends love sex and can't wrap their heads around how my wife (also 24) and I can't be having it 24/7, especially because (according to them) we're "both very hot." And I'm starting to wonder if it's all just hype or if my wife or me are completely abnormal.


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## Sensitive (Mar 29, 2009)

I always thought it was normal for a couple's sexual chemistry to fade as they get older and more accustomed to the daily responsibilites of marriage.


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## Margaret (Mar 31, 2008)

Sensitive said:


> I always thought it was normal for a couple's sexual chemistry to fade as they get older and more accustomed to the daily responsibilites of marriage.


My husband things 8 years later the things should be the same as they always were. Even with him 50 lbs heavier and refusing to do anything other than lay on his side and kiss me.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Spouse,

Were you in sexual relationships prior to your wife?

Unless the both of you are engaged in finding a resolution together, I can tell you how this story ends.

The _dynamics_ of a marriage change over time - that doesn't, nor should it, mean that intimacy and sex becomes unpleasant for either of you.

If sex simply isn't a focus for either of you - than I don't see an issue. But the sense I get is that you aren't excited about the idea of being a celibate twenty-something.


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## Spouse (Jul 13, 2009)

Sensitive said:


> I always thought it was normal for a couple's sexual chemistry to fade as they get older and more accustomed to the daily responsibilites of marriage.


We're definitely getting older but sexual decline at.. 23-24 years old? Can't be normal.

Deejo: Nope, neither of us were sexual (with each other or otherwise) prior to marriage. 

I agree that if sex or lack of it isn't an area of focus, it's no problem, but the marriage is **** and neither of us can help but assume that the lack of sex and/or physically attractiveness to each other is playing a big part in how mundane and deeply depressing the marriage is.


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## srena200 (Jul 13, 2009)

How are your roles around the house? Do you both work? Do she stay at home? Are their children? 
I hate to say but if sex was not good from the start - someone needs to hone in on their inner desires and read some karma sutra books, get a warm sensual massage, go to a sex therapist - seriously to find out the root of your problem (s).


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Have you tried the game "I kiss, you kiss"? Goes like this, she kisses YOU the way she would want to be kissed. You relax and let her do it. When she finishes you try to kiss her that way. You practice a bit until you are a master at kissing her in a way that makes her hot

If that works - then move on to step 2, a non sexual massage. 

Step 3 is a sensual massage

Step 4 is foreplay (you can teach him how to do oral using one of his nipples, he can teach you by using one of his fingers for your to practice on)
Step 5 is sex




Spouse said:


> I (husband) like to kiss, touch, etc, but these things and sex in general seem dead with my wife. I don't know if it's because I'm not attracted to her physically or mentally, or because I'm stressed out, or just because the marriage sucks, or this is how marriage sex generally is?
> 
> Admittedly the sex was never good (we didn't have sex before marriage) but it definitely got worse, to the point where we now only do it maybe once every few months. We usually kiss for a minute and then get bored and end it abruptly. It just doesn't feel good. Kissing her feels irritating and I feel that kissing ANY other girl on Earth would be a turn on, and I'm sure she feels the same way.
> 
> ...


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## Boucaques07 (Sep 2, 2009)

You've been married long enough that you are having "hallway sex". That's where you pass eachother in the hallway and say "F*** you".


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## Mattie J (Sep 1, 2009)

Spouse,

I too was a virgin when I got married (at age 29) and have now been married coming up on 12 years. Admittedly the sex to begin with was not mind blowing but my lack of experience had a lot to do with it. In fact our physical relationship has never been off the chain although I have found that it does get better the more we do it (and what I mean by more is going from twice a month to as much as nine times a month!). I get better atuned to what turns her on, but we've never really discussed it. I think communication with her is a start. If we could only talk to our spouses as candidly as we can exchange our thoughts with total strangers on this forum we'd all be so much better off. Since you guys are in your mid 20's, I don't see age or years of marriage as legitimate excuses here. I think it's lack of experience and dialog. Hopefully you two can get together and discuss your concerns without the other getting defensive. The fact that you're on this forum like the rest of us demonstrates that your serious about your relationship and you want it to work. Just talk if you can...

Best of luck to you Man.


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## String (Jul 30, 2009)

Have you thought about games, toys or movies the 2 of you could enjoy together to pick things up a notch? Maybe a weekend getaway? Anything to get you out of what you are doing now. For our anniversary, I took my wife to a couples resort just for one night... It was a night to remember I'll tell you that, but its because it was a step out of our normal life.

Talk to her about things, about how experimental she is and what she would be interested in doing and trying. But be sure to respect what she likes and doesn't like cause that could damage trust.


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## mrnice (Aug 11, 2009)

Hmmmm, I find kissing irratating but find cuddling my wife more intimate. + I my favourite thing to do is try different sex positions. I told my wife to be spontaneous. I can't think of anything more visually exciting then my wife walking into my office and sitting in front of me in the nude occassionally spreading her legs for a little BO-Peep, doesn't really matter how your mental relationship is when women do this, cause if you arn't slamming her with enthusiasm after 10 minutes of this, then you need to move on in your lives.

Oh try timing your orgasm to fire when she does and then suck on her nipples. If that doesn't work then definetely move on with seperation.

BTW I still find kissing irratating sometimes.


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## Treadingcarefully (Sep 1, 2009)

How about you try NOT having sex for a while, and just try to get on better in other ways, and keep the day to day stuff going well, paying each other attention and maybe a few dates, like a picnic somewhere nice, no pressure. Just enjoy it, and if it goes somewhere, all the better. Sometimes the expectations kill everything, and if you don't expect, it comes to you more easily.


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## mommy2 (Oct 27, 2009)

Spouse said:


> We're definitely getting older but sexual decline at.. 23-24 years old? Can't be normal.
> 
> Deejo: Nope, neither of us were sexual (with each other or otherwise) prior to marriage.
> 
> I agree that if sex or lack of it isn't an area of focus, it's no problem, but the marriage is **** and neither of us can help but assume that the lack of sex and/or physically attractiveness to each other is playing a big part in how mundane and deeply depressing the marriage is.


Forgive me but I am having a hard time wrapping my arms around a couple things. 

1.) Getting older....and you're 23-24yrs old? Seriously? How is that "older." (oh how I wish I could be that "OLD" again! LOL)

2) Sexual chemistry fading over time in marriage completely understand/get that but that leads me back to you're only 23-24 yrs old? How long could you possibly have been married?

Sorry, don't mean to sound harsh at all - just in shock I guess. I didn't get married until I was 24 yrs old and you're right - when we were that age - like rabbits! 

I applaud and respect that you waited until marriage to have sex. But I am sorry to hear sex was never that great to begin with?! How sad!  (My H and I had previous partners before we met and we did have sex with each other prior to marriage - that's how I knew he was the best I'd ever had!) Communication is key and discovering each other. Best of luck - I hope you are able to begin enjoying each other soon!


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## Alexandra (Jan 9, 2010)

Bunches of great advice here! I'll throw my two cents in as well.

Work on the marriage outside of sex. Be loving, friendly, laugh together. What made you want to marry this girl? Bask in that. Have things in common. Talk, listen. Build a relationship outside of the bedroom and it'll help inside the bedroom.

Work on the sex. Yep, it's work. When you have little to no experience it can be intimidating, but look at it as a challenge. Learn together, about each other and about sex. Get a book, a video, something to guide you, but make it fun. This is a not a chore people! Be open to things, but above all cherish each others bodies and work towards figuring out how to please each other.

Best of luck!


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

If I may ask, why did you wait until marraige- was it for religious convictions/beliefs ? Me & hubby also waited for intercourse itself, but we explored other ways & enjoyed some sexuality - to release our tensions before we married. I do not reget this exploring but it would have been more than most Christians would say was "acceptable" before God. 

Was it hard for either of you to wait- having great desire & anticipation? 

It could be if you intentionally pushed down your sexuality-for years, both of you could be experiencing some form of "Sexual Repression" (this happens alot of times) , and need to relearn or learn more about how beautiful and wonderful this part of life , this part of marraige IS, it is our greatest blessing to our spouse & ourselves!!! 

READ many books about forplay, erotic readings, erotic movies, that would be my advice. Is she physically attracted to you, are you to her -besides the kissing ,etc?


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