# Day 1!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



## dontknowweretobegin (Jan 10, 2011)

Well here is my story…. My wife and I have been married for 16 years.. Been together for at least 17 years. It was a crazy beginning . We made a big decision to have a baby at a very young age I was 18 and she was 21.. Crazy right.. Don’t think that we were thinking the whole thing through.. We were not even married yet we only knew each other for about a year and half... She finally got pregnant and so began are life.. we sometimes say that we only got married because of our son and it was the right decision at the time.. Years have passed and she did cheat on me once that I know of.. She told me it was a mistake and she was just unhappy with me.. That was 2 years into the marriage. I forgave her and we moved on with are life’s..i don’t think that I real trusted her from that day forward. But I loved her so much I wanted it to work. Times were good and we had a daughter. Everything seemed fine.. But every now and then. The beginning of our relationship creeps in..On how it all began.. She always talks about how she missed out on so much because we got married at a young age and had our son.. I don’t feel like I missed out on too much. But I don’t know to much. I went for a kid graduation from high school to being a dad and a husband all in 6 months. We didn’t get married in a church it was at her parents’ house. So she also talks about that a lot..i tell her that I’m sorry for all that.. It is every girls dream to have a big wedding and a dress.. It was not the perfect wedding but we were doing the right thing at the time.. My wife goes out maybe 3 to 4 times a month with her girlfriends.. but every time she leaves I feel uneasy..in the last three years we have been fighting a lot lately about the same things..I feel, her feeling for missing out on being young will never go away.. They will always be there..She has talk and texted guys for the gym and bars that she goes to..i have to snoop around to find that stuff out. It makes me very uneasy and she knows that. But she says that she is allowed to have guy friends’and that I just need to trust her..I feel that she will never be happy unless I let her go for a while to she what she needs. And hopefully in the end we were meant to be together..so we have decided to go through a separation period to figure things out.. With some rules. We will live together and sleep in the same bed. We will be honest as we can for each other.. We have told each other that the kids come first..I just hate not being able to trust my wife..i want that to go away. But I feel it won’t unless she figures out what she wants.. This is going to be hard. I hope that I have decided to do the right thing.. She tells me that she will always will love me no matter what. But she just needs this time for her to figure her out.. Im your typical good guy.. I would do anything for my wife and I always have. But it seems like we are not the same people that we fell in love with.. Looking for guidance and help. This is day one of my separation? Don’t know if living in the same house is going to work?


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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

She might need an open marriage to fulfill her needs of what she missed out on being young...
Just an observation.
She will always love you as a family but not in love with you.
You might have her body close but your souls are apart.


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## zsu234 (Oct 25, 2010)

Make her a single mom and see how she likes her freedom then.


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## DjF (Nov 24, 2010)

zsu234 said:


> Make her a single mom and see how she likes her freedom then.


you didn't bond much as a baby did ya???


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## dontknowweretobegin (Jan 10, 2011)

Yesterday she went out with the girls.. But she kissed me three times and said that she is allowed to kiss me.. i did kiss her back.. she didn't come home until 2:00 am.. she is still texting and calling the other guy she meet out at a bar..last week.. i'm i just being paranoid.. i check the cell phone bill this morning to see if she called or texted him last night while she was out and she did.. she tried to call him 5 times on her way home at 1:50am. and texting him as soon as she left the house..i losing my mind..is she just friends with this guy or is she trying to make it more..lost. so lost..


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## helpplease (May 20, 2010)

My advice,

You need to kick her out. Let her see what it is like to be by herself. Living with her is going to tear you apart. She gets to have her cake and eat it too. Living paranoid is about the worst feeling that you can have. I had this crap go on with me for 7 months. Did not work. The only thing I got out of it was a divorce.
Lies and deception is what you are being fed my man.
Anytime a woman says she will love you no matter what, while it may be true, it will not be in anyway you want it to be. Especially when she is doing this to you.
Tough love for her and get her out. She must make the choice to be with only you and there is nothing you can do about it. 
My opinion, it is tough though, I feel your pain.

Good luck!


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## dontknowweretobegin (Jan 10, 2011)

Thanks help i'm really starting to feel that way.. i feel like i have been waiting on her for a long time to be happy.. she is always up and down. our anniv...was just a couple weeks ago and she said she was happy to have found me..and that i was the greatest husband a wife could ever want..she said she wanted to be with me forever...:scratchhead: am i being played.she says sometimes when she wants to take a break that its not me its all her..it has nothing to do with me...


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

I wish I had a spouse like you. I can come and go as I please. I call that cake eating. Of course your wife loves you, she comes home and get treated like a wife with all the stability and security you have to offer, and she goes out with other guys to be treated like a women with all the excitement and charms from guys. 

She is so lucky to have a guy that lets her sleep around, CAN ANYONE SAY STD'S. 

You are traveling down a dangerous road, and one of her ONS will go very wrong. Maybe if you are lucky she will fall head over heals in love with someone and leave you.

Any way tolorating her behavior will only lead to more resentment on your part. So you have to change. This is comeing from a guy that was on the same road as you my friend. 13 years ago I had the same attidude, and what I did with my resentment was work, my job was more satisfying the may marraige. So she went out and I went to work. So 13 years later and 20 lover... I feel lucky b/c she never fell in love, no STD's, no abortions, and she was only forces to have sex a couple of times. This was b/c she felt it was better then getting slapped around.

This sh*t will snow ball on you... make a stand now for her,your kids and for your self. She will not like it but she will respect it.


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## dontknowweretobegin (Jan 10, 2011)

Wow!!!


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## Powerbane (Nov 8, 2010)

Turn the tables - you leave her home with the kids and don't come back until say - 10:00 AM the next day. I'm not saying you have to screw around - just give her a dose of it. Don't do it 3 times a month - do that in a week. 

I'm kidding of course but I think you know what I'm getting at. Set your boundaries and stick to them. 

Guy friends for married women is always a recipe for disaster and you know it. How about the next time she goes out - call one of her girlfriends to come over and stay the night without her knowledge. Have her be there when she gets in - how would she feel then? MAd probably at first - but you need to shock your wife into realizing you are not a doormat and the marriage is sacred - NO GUY FRIENDS!!!!!


Keep snooping and acquire the needed information to expose this to her family, your family, friends work everywhere. You might have a chance...


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## kgregory1011 (Dec 2, 2010)

dontknowweretobegin said:


> Yesterday she went out with the girls.. But she kissed me three times and said that she is allowed to kiss me.. i did kiss her back.. she didn't come home until 2:00 am.. she is still texting and calling the other guy she meet out at a bar..last week.. i'm i just being paranoid.. i check the cell phone bill this morning to see if she called or texted him last night while she was out and she did.. she tried to call him 5 times on her way home at 1:50am. and texting him as soon as she left the house..i losing my mind..is she just friends with this guy or is she trying to make it more..lost. so lost..


Read my posts about this. This happened to me. If it is "just a friend" she wouldnt be hiding it. I too checked my husbands cell phone records and found a ton of texts and calls to a co-worker. Always when I wasn't around, late at night, on his way to work etc. I demanded it to stop. I believed him when he said he did stop, cell phone showed no communication. This was back in October, I found out yesterday that he had been using a prepaid phone. They will say anything and do the most hurtful, manipulative things to have there cake and eat it to. Seriously, take the time and read my posts. I thought my husband was just going through a rough time, perhaps a midlife crisis. Truth is he is a douchbag, a total *******. He claims that he never cheated on me, I don't believe it. Hate to say it but in my opinion just from what I have read and the **** I'm dealing with she's totally cheating.


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## dontknowweretobegin (Jan 10, 2011)

i do feel like a doormate, everytime that i tell her that i don't accept her having guy freinds she gets so angry.. she tells me that she gets along better with guys better than wemon.. it just bothers me that she can go to bar with girlfreinds meet a guy and just start texting and talking to him. like he is a best friend. what about me...then she hides it and when i find out i'm snooping doing something wrong. she says she can't tell be because i get so angry.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

It wasn't long ago I was repling to a guy that was getting the same treatment from his wife, and as her bad behavior progressed he finaly convinced him self to investigate her behavior, He had the means of hiring a PI and sure as sh*t that friend turned out to be a lover. He confronted her with the evidence and they are working things out. But before he had the evidence it was like he refused the reality of his wife cheating.

The point I'm tring to make is this guy had a hard time believing his wife could do the unthinkable.... sleep with another guy. Face it that is a hard pill to swollow. Its bad enough that she is befriending all these strange guys and going out all night. Thats is painful as it is. It is hard to except the fact that the women you love will cheat.

Heres how things worked for my wife; She went out with friends, they don't smoke so often time she was alone in the smoke area. She would met a guy, charm her and convince her to go out/ be friends. So at the end of the night her girl friends would all say good night, and to avoid looking cheap she would make her friends believe she was going home. Instead she would meet up with the "new friend" and continue to party. 

In her mind she was just looking for friendship and when her friend went home to there SO she wanted to stay and party. Well she would get more buzzed and the guy would charm her and she would just get her self in to these bad places. See in the begining its all about friendship, but when it all boils down to it the only thing the guy want is to find a lay.... So my wife was getting caught up in these "friendship" that would turn to sex.

Basicly your wife is putting her self in bad situation, she just doesn't know it, but the guys she is befriending are always hoping for the "lonely house wife score".

In her mind, I believe she is not going out to score, it just happens. So when you decide to investigate her behavoir the next time she goes out, and you find her going into a strange guys apartment. I pretty sure she will say " it just happened"

Most will never admit to being taken advandage of and when it does happen they are scared. Sometimes the only way to confront the cheating is by showing them the hard evidence of there actions.
Then they will say something like " God I can't believe that is me"

So there is denial all the way around, for you ... you don't want to believe the unbelievable, and for her she can't believe she really did what she did. My wife could just block it out and come home like it was all good, and nothing happened, "she was just out with friends".

Good luck in finding the truth about her real friends.


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## dontknowweretobegin (Jan 10, 2011)

well me and my wife had a big blow out yesterday, she finnaly let me know that she was talking to another guy and texting him.. she says that it was harmless.. and that the guy was an complete ass. i asked her why? she said that she wanted to see what it felt like to talk to another guy.. a guy that approached her. because my wife asked me out first.. she wanted to see how it felt. i said during a seperation you should be worrying about yourself not someone that will complicate things worse. its too much of a emotional roller coaster. she says that she has issues.my wife is a fixer..she likes to try and fix people that have problems. she told me everything about this guy. she was just trying to be his friend nothing more. i told her in the begining that i wanted her to be honest with me even if it hurt me and i get mad.. she says that I'm not the problem. she is. im a good guy and that her friends don't understand why she would want to go through this. that she has a great guy at home that would do anything for her.again my wife says there is things she needs to work on to resolve somethings she has problems with or we will never work. she says being with someone else during this seperation is not her goal. she just wants to experiance things that she miss out on. she stressed its not about meeting someone else. its about her finding her and who she is,, so what do i do.........I think that i need to let things be for a while. except the seperation.. i think i finnaly get it. i understand her. i will continue to be there for her she promises to be honest.. if i ever want her to be happy with us i think i need to let her do this. it will be hard......... marriage is so complicated,, i have no problem with this seperation i just want her to fix whats wrong so we could move on and be happy..i think its time i find out who i am......im not sure i know...


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