# The first step



## RooKittie (Sep 26, 2017)

Why am I having such a hard time taking the first step? I know this can be a long process and there is a lot to consider after being married for 23 years. As unhappy as I am after finding out he is bisexual I just can't seem to figure out what to do! He's so damn selfish..you would think it would be easy for me just to say I want out! I wish I could blink and this be over with. I need a new beginning.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*The first step is to meet with a good family attorney to help get you out of this mess! *


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

The first step is inches apart.

A yes from the left hemisphere.....a handshake from the right.


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

The fear of change is unsettling. You are use to your life, your marriage and your husband, even if he's the biggest source of disappointment you are still accustomed to his presence. It's difficult to shake up your life for an unknown future, but you need to take a hard look at the future you have if you stay married and consider if you will ever be happy, if the answer is no then the alternative future may be unknown but at least you have a chance at happiness.


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## GuacaColey (Sep 19, 2017)

Hey Roo,

I remember your thread, but I don't remember you saying if you have much of a support system? 

Going through a divorce is heart wrenching stuff. For me it has been worse than grieving a death. With death there is a sense of closure, the person had to leave but didn't choose to leave you. With divorce you know they just stopped loving you.

And for me that was much worse. 

I hope that doesn't sound super insensitive to those that have lost a loved one. That too, is horrible obviously. 

Anyway... if it weren't for leaning into my faith in Christ, family, friends, counseling and my weekly DivorceCare meetings there's no way I could've done it.

The other night there was this this woman who totally broke down. Seeing her in pain, speaking about her love for her husband and his total indifference to her... it really struck me deep. I found myself crying tears alongside her, and somehow just comforting her in anyway I could was like an ointment to my own heart. 

I really hope you have loved ones you can lean on during this time, and if not please get plugged into a church, community group, IC... whatever you can right now. 

That's all I have to say I guess 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## RooKittie (Sep 26, 2017)

I do not have a support system other than strangers on this and another forum. I am ashamed to let anyone in my family know that my husband is bisexual. My friends are his friends. I really have no one to confide in. Some days I think I should just let it go because I just don't want anyone else to feel the heartbreak I do.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

RooKittie said:


> I do not have a support system other than strangers on this and another forum. I am ashamed to let anyone in my family know that my husband is bisexual. My friends are his friends. I really have no one to confide in. Some days I think I should just let it go because I just don't want anyone else to feel the heartbreak I do.


Your family will have to know once the divorce starts and then you can get support from them.


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## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

Girlfriend, I feel for you. But this is not something for you to be ashamed of...you did nothing wrong. You married a man who promised to love you...you had no knowledge of his inner secrets. He hid them well because he knew that if you found out you would not have married him.

This is his shame for being a lying snake. I don't understand when hetero people start straying from the marriage it's call cheating but when a bi or closeted gay person does it ....its call finding themselves and confusion. And should be tolerated or understood because they are in pain. What about your pain?

Take small steps. Get your finances and paperwork in order. Meet with a lawyer. Tell your parents. Then tell your close family. Then close friends. You have people who will support you. 

This is not your fault. You did nothing wrong to be ashamed of. 

Also, you need to be careful because he will get very ugly. He will take out his shame and angry at you. You need to tell your family because you are going to need them when he turns against you.

Keep posting. You will always find open ears and hearts here. Hugs.


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## RooKittie (Sep 26, 2017)

I wish I still had my parents but they have now both passed on. I just can’t bring myself to tell my sister. I am alone in all of this.


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## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

RooKittie said:


> I wish I still had my parents but they have now both passed on. I just can’t bring myself to tell my sister. I am alone in all of this.


Is he in the closet about his true sexuality?

If so then its his problem not yours. If you don't want to be married to a bisexual then divorce if any asks why just tell them the truth. That your husband has told you that he bisexual and you don't want to be married to a bisexual.

Seems like a great reason to divorce to me.


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## RooKittie (Sep 26, 2017)

Yes, no one else knows except for me (and the man he had an affair with). I know I'm not the only one to go through this. So many factors involved is making it difficult. Glad we don't have children.


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