# Divorce Anger



## Myko (Jan 21, 2018)

Hi, I’ll try to post a short version of what I feel like is a long story. Thanks for taking the time to read my story!

I’ve been struggling with anger, control, and letting go. Me ex and I were together over 19 years and married for almost 13. We have a preteen child as well. Four and a half months ago, rather out of the blue, he basically screamed at me that he wanted a divorce. He grabbed a few things, kissed our child and left. 
We have had some problems over the years and I thought all marriages had ups and downs, and life with kids could be hectic.
My biggest problems in our marriage were his drinking, lies, and anger. I thought his biggest problem with me was our mismatched sex drive.
After he left, I started to piece some things together, and began to suspect that he was involved in an emotional affair with a long time acquaintance. I have no solid proof, but he began living with this woman with in a month of our separation. He took our child out with him and her 12 days after our separation, and told our child not to tell me where they stayed when he had her sleep on her couch on his weekend visit.
He tells our child that THEY love our child when he talks on the phone, or sends texts to our child’s iPod. He brings the new girlfriend to every custody exchange, every dinner visit, and our child’s school/sports events(when he actually goes). The new girlfriend has told our child that they should be twins, and paints their nails so they match.
I’m having a hard time understanding what happened to my husband and marriage. He told somebody that he left me because I didn’t do the dishes, and that I made him work overtime. He told me that we were just roommates, that I was miserable. He yelled at me in court that I was controlling. Everything was my fault according to him.
After seeing his true colors, and being left alone to deal with all the bills, mortgage, selling the house, packing, pets, being left to handle the primary parenting of a child with mild autism, I don’t want him back. But how do I let go of the anger, hate, wanting him to regret treating me this way? 
I have started seeing a therapist, but I’m not sure it is that helpful. I also attended a few alanon meetings, and read some of their books, but I feel out of place there since my husband was high functioning and doesn’t believe he has a problem.
Thanks for reading!


----------



## ReturntoZero (Aug 31, 2015)

Were you ever attracted to him?


----------



## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

You have a lot to be angry about! On top of being a drunk and abusive, he was having an affair and then blindsided you. He is exposing your child to his affair partner.

Keep seeing your therapist. Keep posting here. Time will lessen your anger, although you may never think about him as a good person again.


----------



## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Sorry. In the end you are better off. Time really is your best ally, and not romanticizing who he is and was. He sounds like a jerk. Make sure you fight for what is yours.


----------



## SentHereForAReason (Oct 25, 2017)

sokillme said:


> Sorry. In the end you are better off. Time really is your best ally, and not romanticizing who he is and was. He sounds like a jerk. Make sure you fight for what is yours.


This really sucks but have to echo the statements made here. I know you are hurting, etc but make sure you document the heck out of everything, the courts should have a field day with this in your favor. Now that my marriage is headed to divorce after 7 months of me trying my heart out, to no avail. I have a few regrets, I don't regret trying but regret trying for that long. Again, now that I am face to face with the new reality and process, I wish I would have let her go sooner in my trying when she was totally disconnected from everyone so it would of made a lot easier win for me in court. Now she is, as my lawyer has said, trying to be mother of the year since her affair partner had to go back to his wife once she found out.

Fight on as hard as you can but for yourself and for your child to get what you deserve legally from this!


----------

