# She’s pregnant with our baby but sleeping with her ex



## Detatchedfromlove (Dec 16, 2021)

I got with a women around the end of may (she was my AP before I left my wife in January this year) we had a fantastic few months together but something changed she was really in to me, she would wake up in the morning & video call me as soon as she opened her eyes, every day several times a day constantly in contact with me then always at my house hands all over me she was literally obsessed & I loved every minute of it. We both told each other we love each other she told her ex she wants only me she told her family and friends about us (she was really happy) then after about 3-4 months she started going distant & having other guy’s texting & phoning her also allowed her ex back at her house for several nights, I tried to end all contact but she just kept coming back then going again ignoring me etc, always shouting at me when I asked what we are as things seemed to have changed, then she said she still wants me & had her coil removed & told me several weeks later & is now carrying our baby, we split just before she found out & she got in touch to tell me she’s pregnant the dates do match & im 100% confident the baby’s mine but she now says she doesn’t know if she wants to keep the baby & her ex keeps going round there for a night here & there which absolutely disgusts me the thought of her having sex with someone else while carrying out baby, I let my emotions take over & called her a dirty slag & feel awful for doing so we are now on talking terms at the minute & I was there for a few hours the other day but her ex went round after me, I’m more lost in my thoughts & hurting like mad, I honestly don’t no what is best to do anymore I don’t believe in abortion, there’s a life in her a tiny human forming but I can’t trust her she shown me colours I’ve never seen before & it’s literally drained the life out of me being with her. She has him there then doesn’t speak to me but when he’s gone she gets in touch I’ve tried to talk to her about this situation but she will not accept any responsibility. It’s all on me, I’ve spent £1000s on this women & she says I’ve given her nothing, I don’t get any of it I think maybe she has bi-polar or some sort of mental illness I just need some advice thank you for reading my post.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Get a paternity test. If it's not yours, dump the witch.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

My advice:
Get a vasectomy.
DNA test the child of she has it.
Enjoy the fruits of your cheating ways, and if you don’t like the taste, stop being a cheater.

shocker: your cheating AP is being unfaithful to you….. Uh, did you think loyalty was in her character? 
I’d say move on, but don’t you pretty much deserve one another?


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## Tdbo (Sep 8, 2019)

1. Get some morality
2. Develop self discipline.
3. Think with the head atop your shoulders
4. Don't dip your **** in crazy.


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## Detatchedfromlove (Dec 16, 2021)

Evinrude58 said:


> My advice:
> Get a vasectomy.
> DNA test the child of she has it.
> Enjoy the fruits of your cheating ways, and if you don’t like the taste, stop being a cheater.
> ...


 yh I think a vasectomy is for the best & it was an emotional affair until I left my alcohol dependent wife who was more than abusive for a long time I suffered tremendously this women was there for me but ironically she has turned out to be not what I expected or would choose as a partner or a parent for my child


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## Exit37 (3 mo ago)

Ah, sweet, sweet Karma...


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

Affairs, emotional or otherwise, usually never turn out how someone ''expects.'' This woman you're involved with, was fine to have an affair with a married man. Red flag #1. Even if your ex-wife was abusive, leaping into another relationship wasn't the answer. Just from the little you share, it seems like that is what you need to work on - why you find yourself involved in dysfunctional relationships.

I'd find out if this child is yours for sure, and if you're not the father, you should sever this relationship, and spend time on your own. Don't date for a while. If you are the bio dad, then you should still end the relationship with this woman and try to be the best dad you can be. You'll have to have some type of communication with her, but the relationship should end.

It should never have begun, to be honest.


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## Detatchedfromlove (Dec 16, 2021)

Exit37 said:


> Ah, sweet, sweet Karma...


I literally went through hell trying to sort my marriage out, yes I did start an emotional affair with this women before I left my wife but not without reason or trying 1st but yes karma at it’s best


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## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

Then tell her IF she keeps the baby you plan to get dna testing done as soon as it’s possible.
And let her know IF she keeps it you don’t plan to be involved at all with her - ONLY the child’s life.

she sounds like someone who can’t go one second without male attention. She took out her coil? Doubtful - she likely already knew she may be pregnant and was just covering her tracks because she knew she’d been having sex with several guys.

she manipulative and insecure… stay away from this kind of crazy. Don’t even respond to her unless it’s specific info about what she decides about the pregnancy.


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## Exit37 (3 mo ago)

Detatchedfromlove said:


> I literally went through hell trying to sort my marriage out, yes I did start an emotional affair with this women before I left my wife but not without reason or trying 1st but yes karma at it’s best


Well, at this point the best you can do is learn from it. A woman who would have an affair with a married man, happily married or otherwise, does not make a stable long term partner. Same goes for a man, btw. All you can do is kick her to the curb and hope that the child isn't yours.


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## Detatchedfromlove (Dec 16, 2021)

*Deidre* said:


> Affairs, emotional or otherwise, usually never turn out how someone ''expects.'' This woman you're involved with, was fine to have an affair with a married man. Red flag #1. Even if your ex-wife was abusive, leaping into another relationship wasn't the answer. Just from the little you share, it seems like that is what you need to work on - why you find yourself involved in dysfunctional relationships.
> 
> I'd find out if this child is yours for sure, and if you're not the father, you should sever this relationship, and spend time on your own. Don't date for a while. If you are the bio dad, then you should still end the relationship with this woman and try to be the best dad you can be. You'll have to have some type of communication with her, but the relationship should end.
> 
> It should never have begun, to be honest.


Sound advice thank you


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## Detatchedfromlove (Dec 16, 2021)

Beach123 said:


> Then tell her IF she keeps the baby you plan to get dna testing done as soon as it’s possible.
> And let her know IF she keeps it you don’t plan to be involved at all with her - ONLY the child’s life.
> 
> she sounds like someone who can’t go one second without male attention. She took out her coil? Doubtful - she likely already knew she may be pregnant and was just covering her tracks because she knew she’d been having sex with several guys.
> ...


It feels like she only wants me when she’s lonely or in need of something yes I would agree about her being insecure & wants male attention just don’t understand why she would want me so much & then push me away but not let me go properly


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

Detatchedfromlove said:


> It feels like she only wants me when she’s lonely or in need of something yes I would agree about her being insecure & wants male attention just don’t understand why she would want me so much & then push me away but not let me go properly


She's doing that so you don't leave...keeping you interested, but then pushing you away because she's got another guy. You're too vulnerable and I'm assuming in love with her, to see things clearly...but if you distance yourself, you'll start to see her for what she is, a user.


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

Ah, the old adage comes to life here.

*If someone will cheat with you, they will cheat on you.*


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## Detatchedfromlove (Dec 16, 2021)

*Deidre* said:


> She's doing that so you don't leave...keeping you interested, but then pushing you away because she's got another guy. You're too vulnerable and I'm assuming in love with her, to see things clearly...but if you distance yourself, you'll start to see her for what she is, a user.


I’ve pulled her up on this & told her I feel used & lied to but she hits the roof & ends contact with me but then unblocked me again & guess what I run straight back it’s prolonging the pain & I know it’s my own fault it feels like some sort of karmic lesson


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

Detatchedfromlove said:


> I’ve pulled her up on this & told her I feel used & lied to but she hits the roof & ends contact with me but then unblocked me again & guess what I run straight back it’s prolonging the pain & I know it’s my own fault it feels like some sort of karmic lesson


Pain is sometimes, a really good teacher. lol You'll eventually learn the lesson. 🙂


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

I believe you can get non invasive paternity testing during a pregnancy. Do it.


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## Detatchedfromlove (Dec 16, 2021)

Livvie said:


> I believe you can get non invasive paternity testing during a pregnancy. Do it.


Things are abit iffy at the minute with her I’m treading on egg shells not wanting to upset her, I asked her if the baby is mine she went mental & blocked me again so need a different approach, I think I just have to accept that she’s having sec with him with my baby in her


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## Tested_by_stress (Apr 1, 2021)

Was she with her ex when you started the affair? Did the affair end her marriage?


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## Detatchedfromlove (Dec 16, 2021)

Tested_by_stress said:


> Was she with her ex when you started the affair? Did the affair end her marriage?


They have had a on off relationship for 16 years he keeps leaving her when he’s had way then she came at me for over a year wanting a relationship but kept getting back with him then when I left my wife he left her & we got together she was really in to me until she wasn’t then it just went downhill from there


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

You are a slave to your emotions. Gotta stop that. As someone pointed out, your picker is not great. Probably a trait we share. Me, I’m just likely not picking again.
May be sound advice for you too.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Detatchedfromlove said:


> Things are abit iffy at the minute with her I’m treading on egg shells not wanting to upset her, I asked her if the baby is mine she went mental & blocked me again so need a different approach, I think I just have to accept that she’s having sec with him with my baby in her


Went mental?

When did she stop?


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## Detatchedfromlove (Dec 16, 2021)

SunCMars said:


> Went mental?
> 
> When did she stop?


Think she always has been, she wanted the relationship I said pump n dump she said no she wants me & only me then started playing games which she won’t admit to & says it’s me I’m all or nothing I asked if we still in a relationship she goes mad & says well your here arnt you what do you want commitment, then ignores & blocks me for days at a time until she needs something


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## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

Why’d you leave your wife? Sucky situation but you kind of reap what you sow.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Detatchedfromlove said:


> yh I think a vasectomy is for the best & it was an emotional affair until I left my alcohol dependent wife who was more than abusive for a long time I suffered tremendously this women was there for me but ironically she has turned out to be not what I expected or would choose as a partner or a parent for my child


Ah, yes....

The _natal Moon _that represented your wife, knows were you live, and sends forth those breasted demons to taunt you, taste you, ugh, taint you.

There may be neurotic witches living in your 7th house's belfry or with its ruler.


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## Detatchedfromlove (Dec 16, 2021)

snowbum said:


> Why’d you leave your wife? Sucky situation but you kind of reap what you sow.


My marriage was over for several years before I left my wife, she was verbally abusive constantly drunk it was living hell no love no affection no respect she tried cheating several times even fell in love with one of my so called friends I banned him from the family home & comforted her through it even though I was hurt, this other women helped me out I couldn’t leave but she gave me the strength I lacked


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

It is so hard for a man, not to jump, when the little head twitches, when those witches come haunting, and taunting.

OP, flee this scented _*Venus **Fly Trap*_, lest she close her legs on you, and slowly digest you.


**close your zipper on her, forever and a day, I say.


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## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

Detatchedfromlove said:


> I’ve pulled her up on this & told her I feel used & lied to but she hits the roof & ends contact with me but then unblocked me again & guess what I run straight back it’s prolonging the pain & I know it’s my own fault it feels like some sort of karmic lesson


Users and abusers get angry when you call them out in their truth.
Why bother? She’s not going to admit to anything she’s done. She certainly isn’t going to change!
It’s possible she knows the father of the baby may be the other guy - and maybe he doesn’t have the income you have.
Either way - stay far far away from her brand of chaos - it won’t change. You’d be in for a lifetime of a crappy roller coaster ride being used.


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## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

Detatchedfromlove said:


> My marriage was over for several years before I left my wife, she was verbally abusive constantly drunk it was living hell no love no affection no respect she tried cheating several times even fell in love with one of my so called friends I banned him from the family home & comforted her through it even though I was hurt, this other women helped me out I couldn’t leave but she gave me the strength I lacked


do some professional counseling to find out why YOU choose this type of woman.
And more importantly, how to change yourself so you don’t choose this type again!


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## gameopoly5 (5 mo ago)

Detatchedfromlove said:


> I got with a women around the end of may (she was my AP before I left my wife in January this year) we had a fantastic few months together but something changed she was really in to me, she would wake up in the morning & video call me as soon as she opened her eyes, every day several times a day constantly in contact with me then always at my house hands all over me she was literally obsessed & I loved every minute of it. We both told each other we love each other she told her ex she wants only me she told her family and friends about us (she was really happy) then after about 3-4 months she started going distant & having other guy’s texting & phoning her also allowed her ex back at her house for several nights, I tried to end all contact but she just kept coming back then going again ignoring me etc, always shouting at me when I asked what we are as things seemed to have changed, then she said she still wants me & had her coil removed & told me several weeks later & is now carrying our baby, we split just before she found out & she got in touch to tell me she’s pregnant the dates do match & im 100% confident the baby’s mine but she now says she doesn’t know if she wants to keep the baby & her ex keeps going round there for a night here & there which absolutely disgusts me the thought of her having sex with someone else while carrying out baby, I let my emotions take over & called her a dirty slag & feel awful for doing so we are now on talking terms at the minute & I was there for a few hours the other day but her ex went round after me, I’m more lost in my thoughts & hurting like mad, I honestly don’t no what is best to do anymore I don’t believe in abortion, there’s a life in her a tiny human forming but I can’t trust her she shown me colours I’ve never seen before & it’s literally drained the life out of me being with her. She has him there then doesn’t speak to me but when he’s gone she gets in touch I’ve tried to talk to her about this situation but she will not accept any responsibility. It’s all on me, I’ve spent £1000s on this women & she says I’ve given her nothing, I don’t get any of it I think maybe she has bi-polar or some sort of mental illness I just need some advice thank you for reading my post.


If the baby is yours than congratulations you`ve just be awarded the paying of child support for the next 18 years.
Well done and it couldn`t have happened to a better fella.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Detatchedfromlove said:


> My marriage was over for several years before I left my wife, she was verbally abusive constantly drunk it was living hell no love no affection no respect she tried cheating several times even fell in love with one of my so called friends I banned him from the family home & comforted her through it even though I was hurt, this other women helped me out I couldn’t leave but she gave me the strength I lacked


Fair enough, be done with the two of them.

Move far away, leaving the black cloud where it displays, lays its fallacy, phallus, trap for thee.


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## Detatchedfromlove (Dec 16, 2021)

SunCMars said:


> It is so hard for a man, not to jump, when the little head twitches, when those witches come haunting, and taunting.
> 
> OP, flee this scented _*Venus **Fly Trap*_, lest she close her legs on you, and slowly digest you.
> 
> ...


Think I have to for my own peace & mental stability thank you


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## DamianDamian (Aug 14, 2019)

You were sucked in by limerance- short term infatuation. She seemed exciting, probably displayed red flags about her character - enjoying stealing a married man among other things. 
You are damaged and never learned to value important decent qualities in people. Personality disordered individuals always seem fun and exciting at first, and shower you with compliments and love bombing. Healthy mature people don't get sucked in by this - it turns them off. You have a lot of work to do on yourself. 
Reality is never that exciting.


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## Detatchedfromlove (Dec 16, 2021)

SunCMars said:


> Fair enough, be done with the two of them.
> 
> Move far away, leaving the black cloud where it displays, lays its fallacy, phallus, trap for thee.


I haven’t seen or spoke to my wife since around may I need to do the same with this women too


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Yet another innocent baby brought into a dysfunctional situation.


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## Detatchedfromlove (Dec 16, 2021)

Beach123 said:


> Users and abusers get angry when you call them out in their truth.
> Why bother? She’s not going to admit to anything she’s done. She certainly isn’t going to change!
> It’s possible she knows the father of the baby may be the other guy - and maybe he doesn’t have the income you have.
> Either way - stay far far away from her brand of chaos - it won’t change. You’d be in for a lifetime of a crappy roller coaster ride being used.


He does have a job but doesn’t provide her with much as she says but I think I may have over done it in that department where I literally spent 100s a day sometimes as much as she said she appreciates it she also says I’ve given her nothing


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## Detatchedfromlove (Dec 16, 2021)

Openminded said:


> Yet another innocent baby brought into a dysfunctional situation.


I honestly don’t no If she’s going to go ahead with the pregnancy she’s around 9 weeks at the minute but I do agree with you I just don’t want a child of mine aborted


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## Detatchedfromlove (Dec 16, 2021)

DamianDamian said:


> You were sucked in by limerance- short term infatuation. She seemed exciting, probably displayed red flags about her character - enjoying stealing a married man among other things.
> You are damaged and never learned to value important decent qualities in people. Personality disordered individuals always seem fun and exciting at first, and shower you with compliments and love bombing. Healthy mature people don't get sucked in by this - it turns them off. You have a lot of work to do on yourself.
> Reality is never that exciting.


So true wish I wasn’t damaged


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## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

Be honest with her…tell her you don’t believe the baby would be yours.
And for the sake of your future - wear protection man!


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## Detatchedfromlove (Dec 16, 2021)

gameopoly5 said:


> If the baby is yours than congratulations you`ve just be awarded the paying of child support for the next 18 years.
> Well done and it couldn`t have happened to a better fella.


A better fella ? I haven’t done anything wrong yh I had a emotional affair towards the end of my marriage & ended it until we separated my wife really was & still is an abusive drunk I went through hell trying to fix my marriage before leaving


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## Detatchedfromlove (Dec 16, 2021)

Beach123 said:


> Be honest with her…tell her you don’t believe the baby would be yours.
> And for the sake of your future - wear protection man!


I do believe the baby is mine though


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Detatchedfromlove said:


> I do believe the baby is mine though


Based on what? She's trash that screws married men so what makes you think you're special and there weren't others?


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## Detatchedfromlove (Dec 16, 2021)

Beach123 said:


> do some professional counseling to find out why YOU choose this type of woman.
> And more importantly, how to change yourself so you don’t choose this type again!


Thank you good advice I will look in to getting myself some help


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## Detatchedfromlove (Dec 16, 2021)

lifeistooshort said:


> Based on what? She's trash that screws married men so what makes you think you're special and there weren't others?


The dates match from when I was with her


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Detatchedfromlove said:


> ...my wife really was & still is an abusive drunk I went through hell trying to fix my marriage before leaving


Do you see a pattern here? Your wife was crazy. This current woman is crazy. Perhaps you should start asking yourself why you get involved with crazy.


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## Detatchedfromlove (Dec 16, 2021)

Prodigal said:


> Do you see a pattern here? Your wife was crazy. This current woman is crazy. Perhaps you should start asking yourself why you get involved with crazy.


I don’t understand myself I have women who are really nice around me who want me but I feel nothing towards them


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## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

Detatchedfromlove said:


> The dates match from when I was with her


you have no idea what she was or wasn’t doing while she was with you.
Stop making assumptions she was only with you at that time. Gals like that are ALWAYS making sure they have several guys in place in case one drops out.
I’m sure you weren’t the only guy on the scene during the times she was seeing you.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Detatchedfromlove said:


> I don’t understand myself I have women who are really nice around me who want me but I feel nothing towards them


Because you apparently like the drama that goes with crazy. And the world is full of women just like them so the opportunities to repeat this are endless.


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## Detatchedfromlove (Dec 16, 2021)

Beach123 said:


> you have no idea what she was or wasn’t doing while she was with you.
> Stop making assumptions she was only with you at that time. Gals like that are ALWAYS making sure they have several guys in place in case one drops out.
> I’m sure you weren’t the only guy on the scene during the times she was seeing you.


Not sure if it’s best that the baby isn’t mine but I’m 100% certain it is


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## so_sweet (10 mo ago)

Detatchedfromlove said:


> The dates match from when I was with her


The dates SHE told you, right? Or did you go with her to the doctor when she was told the approximate due date? But even then, how can you be sure she wasn't with another guy around the same time?


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Detatchedfromlove said:


> Things are abit iffy at the minute with her I’m treading on egg shells not wanting to upset her, I asked her if the baby is mine she went mental & blocked me again so need a different approach, I think I just have to accept that she’s having sec with him with my baby in her


You don't know it's "your baby" please do everything you can to GET A PATERNITY TEST ASAP.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Detatchedfromlove said:


> I don’t understand myself I have women who are really nice around me who want me but I feel nothing towards them


Then it's high time you put in the work to "understand" yourself. Consider seeing a counselor. Think about it: Isn't it a bit sad to walk through life not understanding yourself? It would behoove you to take a break from women and focus on getting to know who you really are. Seriously.


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## Detatchedfromlove (Dec 16, 2021)

so_sweet said:


> The dates SHE told you, right? Or did you go with her to the doctor when she was told the approximate due date? But even then, how can you be sure she wasn't with another guy around the same time?


She hasn’t been to the doctors yet she only took a test but it was definitely me there at the time I’m 100% of that


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## Detatchedfromlove (Dec 16, 2021)

Prodigal said:


> Then it's high time you put in the work to "understand" yourself. Consider seeing a counselor. Think about it: Isn't it a bit sad to walk through life not understanding yourself? It would behoove you to take a break from women and focus on getting to know who you really are. Seriously.


I’m trying I keep walking away but can’t ignore her it’s drained the living life outta me


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## Detatchedfromlove (Dec 16, 2021)

Livvie said:


> You don't know it's "your baby" please do everything you can to GET A PATERNITY TEST ASAP.


Maybe I’m just being a fool & hoping she’s telling me the truth


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Detatchedfromlove said:


> I’m trying I keep walking away but can’t ignore her it’s drained the living life outta me


I'll be blunt: YOU are an adult. When I read stuff like ^^this^^ it screams "victim." You are capable of walking away. You are capable of making better choices. The thing is, you've got some pretty serious issues that are making you cling to crazy. Could be unresolved issues from childhood. I dunno ... that's why you are in pretty dire need of counseling.

So quit playing the victim role. Adults take responsibility for their decisions - even the bad ones. And they get help in order to have functional lives. My guess is you're pretty messed up to latch onto such looney women.

Time to grow up.


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## Detatchedfromlove (Dec 16, 2021)

Prodigal said:


> I'll be blunt: YOU are an adult. When I read stuff like ^^this^^ it screams "victim." You are capable of walking away. You are capable of making better choices. The thing is, you've got some pretty serious issues that are making you cling to crazy. Could be unresolved issues from childhood. I dunno ... that's why you are in pretty dire need of counseling.
> 
> So quit playing the victim role. Adults take responsibility for their decisions - even the bad ones. And they get help in order to have functional lives. My guess is you're pretty messed up to latch onto such looney women.
> 
> Time to grow up.


Blunt but not blunt enough it’s like I’m thick or something I hate myself for putting myself through this & everything else I’m a people pleaser & it needs to stop & do you have any idea of what kind of help I should look in to, I’m 40 now & this can’t continue I want a happy healthy relationship with my next partner when I’m ready


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## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

Detatchedfromlove said:


> I don’t understand myself I have women who are really nice around me who want me but I feel nothing towards them


You like deceitful, damaged women.


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## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

Detatchedfromlove said:


> Blunt but not blunt enough it’s like I’m thick or something I hate myself for putting myself through this & everything else I’m a people pleaser & it needs to stop & do you have any idea of what kind of help I should look in to, I’m 40 now & this can’t continue I want a happy healthy relationship with my next partner when I’m ready


Is it because the decent women you know that like you are t skanks? Maybe they are t wild enough for you? Just curious.


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## Detatchedfromlove (Dec 16, 2021)

snowbum said:


> Is it because the decent women you know that like you are t skanks? Maybe they are t wild enough for you? Just curious.
> [/QUOTE I think it’s more I don’t feel good enough but I didn’t feel good enough for this 1 or my wife I always feel like they can do better I’m far from ugly & have a belting personality people love to be around me I just don’t understand how or why this has happened


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Detatchedfromlove said:


> I hate myself for putting myself through this & everything else I’m a people pleaser


I think you're onto something. You don't have any self-esteem or self-respect. Thus, you don't like yourself. People pleasers look for affirmation through other people. They get their sense of self-worth when they are rescuing other people; basically, getting neck-deep in other people's messes. It appears you are in the U.K. I assume there are counseling services available to the general public.


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## BecauseSheWeeps (10 mo ago)

Detatchedfromlove said:


> yh I think a vasectomy is for the best & it was an emotional affair until I left my alcohol dependent wife who was more than abusive for a long time I suffered tremendously this women was there for me but ironically she has turned out to be not what I expected or would choose as a partner or a parent for my child


Because you were married. It was fun for her


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## Detatchedfromlove (Dec 16, 2021)

Prodigal said:


> I think you're onto something. You don't have any self-esteem or self-respect. Thus, you don't like yourself. People pleasers look for affirmation through other people. They get their sense of self-worth when they are rescuing other people; basically, getting neck-deep in other people's messes. It appears you are in the U.K. I assume there are counseling services available to the general public.


Yes there will be but I’m unsure where to start I don’t no what’s wrong with me


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## Detatchedfromlove (Dec 16, 2021)

BecauseSheWeeps said:


> Because you were married. It was fun for her


She actually used the excuse that it was fun at first


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

Did your parents have a crazy/toxic relationship during your childhood? Do you have a good relationship with your parents? A lot of what we do as adults can sometimes stem from childhood issues.


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## Detatchedfromlove (Dec 16, 2021)

*Deidre* said:


> Did your parents have a crazy/toxic relationship during your childhood? Do you have a good relationship with your parents? A lot of what we do as adults can sometimes stem from childhood issues.


When I was born 2nd of February (groundhog day) I spent the 1st 2 years in hospital waiting for a heart transplant my mum was in jail & when I got out of hospital I went to live with my nan my dad didn’t want me he said I wasn’t his, my mum got out of jail but didn’t come for me till I was like 5 years old then I went to live with her & what was going to be my step dad until I was 15 when I left home & lived on the streets, he was an abusive drunk, him & my mum done drugs & parties it was a violent relationship for my mum who since has been a great mum & nana to me & my children but yes my upbringing was not the loving caring kind so I had to grow up quickly & learn how to depend on my own then when I was 16 I met my partner who i spent 24 years with had 6 children & she became alcohol dependent for 16 years of the marriage


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

How old were you when you underwent a heart transplant? Were you in the hospital the entire time your first two years, or did you have outpatient care from someone?


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## Detatchedfromlove (Dec 16, 2021)

Prodigal said:


> How old were you when you underwent a heart transplant? Were you in the hospital the entire time your first two years, or did you have outpatient care from someone?


I stayed the 2 years left on my 2nd birthday I had to wait till I was strong enough to under go 2 operations, I learnt to walk & talk around the wards with a pacemaker I’m 40 now


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

snowbum said:


> You like deceitful, damaged women.


That blasted Moon and 7th 🏠 house influence-enza again!


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Detatchedfromlove said:


> The dates match from when I was with her


So how do you know there weren't others army the same time?

She's not exactly a stand up individual.


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## Detatchedfromlove (Dec 16, 2021)

lifeistooshort said:


> So how do you know there weren't others army the same time?
> 
> She's not exactly a stand up individual.


I was with her soild for a few weeks around that time then a few weeks later while her ex was there that’s when she found out


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

lifeistooshort said:


> So how do you know there weren't others army the same time?
> 
> She's not exactly a stand up individual.


No, more the lay down type!


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

OP said he has 6 children with his first wife.

The man is fertile!

My bets are on him being the daddy!


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

Detatchedfromlove said:


> When I was born 2nd of February (groundhog day) I spent the 1st 2 years in hospital waiting for a heart transplant my mum was in jail & when I got out of hospital I went to live with my nan my dad didn’t want me he said I wasn’t his, my mum got out of jail but didn’t come for me till I was like 5 years old then I went to live with her & what was going to be my step dad until I was 15 when I left home & lived on the streets, he was an abusive drunk, him & my mum done drugs & parties it was a violent relationship for my mum who since has been a great mum & nana to me & my children but yes my upbringing was not the loving caring kind so I had to grow up quickly & learn how to depend on my own then when I was 16 I met my partner who i spent 24 years with had 6 children & she became alcohol dependent for 16 years of the marriage


Wow, it hasn’t been an easy road for you at all. But the good news is, you don’t have to let your childhood define you, now. It takes work and prayers, but you can overcome your tendency to be attracted to toxic women and relationships.

I think if you search for a good therapist, it would really benefit you. And don’t date for a few months at least. I hope this child isn’t yours, for your sake because you’ll have this woman in your life forever. Please get a paternity test to determine if you’re the bio dad. Good luck with all of this.🍀


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## Tdbo (Sep 8, 2019)

Detatchedfromlove said:


> The dates match from when I was with her


How do you know you were the only one in the time frame? 
It's not like she's a one man woman.


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

6 kids? Are any still at home? If so, are they with your alcoholic ex or do you share custody? How is your ex? Are you able to coparent successfully? 

Your AP appears to be trying to reconcile with her ex. That does not bode well for the pregnancy, unless it’s really his. Just because you had sex during the dates for conception, doesn’t mean she wasn’t also having sex with her ex or even another guy.

You’ve shown through your actions that you would like to be with her but she’s prioritizing her ex. A woman that’s carrying your baby would not be doing that unless she’s unsure who the father is. Her hormones would be driving her to lock you down but instead she’s working to get her ex back.

You have to look at her actions and not become swayed by her words. Btw, does she have kids with her ex? If so, that would explain her actions.


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## Detatchedfromlove (Dec 16, 2021)

*Deidre* said:


> Wow, it hasn’t been an easy road for you at all. But the good news is, you don’t have to let your childhood define you, now. It takes work and prayers, but you can overcome your tendency to be attracted to toxic women and relationships.
> 
> I think if you search for a good therapist, it would really benefit you. And don’t date for a few months at least. I hope this child isn’t yours, for your sake because you’ll have this woman in your life forever. Please get a paternity test to determine if you’re the bio dad. Good luck with all of this.🍀


That’s really good advice I’m going to take next year out for myself & learn to be alone & get myself some therapy thank you


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## Detatchedfromlove (Dec 16, 2021)

Tdbo said:


> How do you know you were the only one in the time frame?
> It's not like she's a one man woman.


I just know it’s mine with out a doubt


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## Detatchedfromlove (Dec 16, 2021)

jsmart said:


> 6 kids? Are any still at home? If so, are they with your alcoholic ex or do you share custody? How is your ex? Are you able to coparent successfully?
> 
> Your AP appears to be trying to reconcile with her ex. That does not bode well for the pregnancy, unless it’s really his. Just because you had sex during the dates for conception, doesn’t mean she wasn’t also having sex with her ex or even another guy.
> 
> ...


My 6 children are all ages 15-24 the older 1s have moved out in to their own homes & the other 2 live with me my ex wife is on to her 22nd man since January we don’t have contact but the children speak with her & she tells them all about her sexual encounters 

my AP has 3 children 2 to her ex who she slept with at the same time as finding out she’s pregnant I just no the baby is mine for sure & they don’t want each other they just seem to have this thing where they have sex & leave each other to sleep around it’s awful what I’ve got myself into I know


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## Tdbo (Sep 8, 2019)

Detatchedfromlove said:


> I just know it’s mine with out a doubt


You don't know anything until the pup gets swabbed.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Detatchedfromlove said:


> I stayed the 2 years left on my 2nd birthday I had to wait till I was strong enough to under go 2 operations, I learnt to walk & talk around the wards with a pacemaker I’m 40 now


The reason I asked is you'll likely need another heart transplant. My understanding is that pediatric transplants have a life span of approximately 20 years. Sounds like you have outlasted your warranty.

Don't you think it would be far wiser to be looking out for your health than dealing with all this drama?

P.S. - A woman named Lizzie Craze is reported to be the longest living pediatric heart transplant patient thirty years after her initial transplant. With that in mind, something isn't adding up here.


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## Detatchedfromlove (Dec 16, 2021)

Prodigal said:


> The reason I asked is you'll likely need another heart transplant. My understanding is that pediatric transplants have a life span of approximately 20 years. Sounds like you have outlasted your warranty.
> 
> Don't you think it would be far wiser to be looking out for your health than dealing with all this drama?
> 
> P.S. - A woman named Lizzie Craze is reported to be the longest living pediatric heart transplant patient thirty years after her initial transplant. With that in mind, something isn't adding up here.


I had aortic valve transplant, prospectic arteries & other valves transplanted I’ve always called it heart transplant/operation sorry for confusion


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

Beach123 said:


> Then tell her IF she keeps the baby you plan to get dna testing done as soon as it’s possible.
> And let her know IF she keeps it you don’t plan to be involved at all with her - ONLY the child’s life.
> 
> she sounds like someone who can’t go one second without male attention. She took out her coil? Doubtful - she likely already knew she may be pregnant and was just covering her tracks because she knew she’d been having sex with several guys.
> ...


YOu can have a blood DNA test done now (NOT sure exactly what timeframe it is valid) before she actually gives birth. She is having her ex over -- I would CERTAINLY require this of her.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

Detatchedfromlove said:


> Things are abit iffy at the minute with her I’m treading on egg shells not wanting to upset her, I asked her if the baby is mine she went mental & blocked me again so need a different approach, I think I just have to accept that she’s having sec with him with my baby in her


So **** her -- if she won't fess up, then YOU need to get with a lawyer to decide how to protect yourself or she WILL come after you for child support. IF it is your child, you should also find out from the lawyer what your rights are as far as child support and visitation.


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## Detatchedfromlove (Dec 16, 2021)

jlg07 said:


> YOu can have a blood DNA test done now (NOT sure exactly what timeframe it is valid) before she actually gives birth. She is having her ex over -- I would CERTAINLY require this of her.


I really don’t want to question her at the minute I’m already convinced that’s she’s going to get a termination without her saying so, I know it’s probably for the best but a baby is a gift & a blessing & I’m convinced the baby’s mine


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## Exit37 (3 mo ago)

OP, the best thing for you to do is move on. Ghost her 100%. If she has the baby and decides to come after you for child support then you will deal with that at that time. There is no good to be gained by hanging around and being abused for 8.5 more months, or dealing with her at all. You know she is a disaster, and a huge mistake on your part, so learn from that and move on.


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## Detatchedfromlove (Dec 16, 2021)

Exit37 said:


> OP, the best thing for you to do is move on. Ghost her 100%. If she has the baby and decides to come after you for child support then you will deal with that at that time. There is no good to be gained by hanging around and being abused for 8.5 more months, or dealing with her at all. You know she is a disaster, and a huge mistake one your part, so learn from that and move on.


It’s not going to be easy but what you said is definitely what needs to be done


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## Canadiana (1 mo ago)

Detatchedfromlove said:


> I just know it’s mine with out a doubt


At the moment, you don't even have a doctor's official confirmation that she is pregnant. 

Don't be naive, OP. You currently have no clue if this woman is indeed pregnant, let alone who else she has been having sex with who could easily have a fathered a child with her.


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## Detatchedfromlove (Dec 16, 2021)

Canadiana said:


> At the moment, you don't even have a doctor's official confirmation that she is pregnant.
> 
> Don't be naive, OP. You currently have no clue if this woman is indeed pregnant, let alone who else she has been having sex with who could easily have a fathered a child with her.


I know what you say but I just no it’s real & mine but hopefully very soon she will at least go to the doctors & will have more info


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

Detatchedfromlove said:


> I really don’t want to question her at the minute I’m already convinced that’s she’s going to get a termination without her saying so, I know it’s probably for the best but a baby is a gift & a blessing & I’m convinced the baby’s mine


I would STILL get a lawyer ASAP and check with them how to proceed. If SHE is going to terminate, but you want it, maybe the lawyer can help with that.


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

Detatchedfromlove said:


> My 6 children are all ages 15-24 the older 1s have moved out in to their own homes & the other 2 live with me my ex wife is on to her 22nd man since January we don’t have contact but the children speak with her & she tells them all about her sexual encounters
> 
> my AP has 3 children 2 to her ex who she slept with at the same time as finding out she’s pregnant I just no the baby is mine for sure & they don’t want each other they just seem to have this thing where they have sex & leave each other to sleep around it’s awful what I’ve got myself into I know


You’re wanting to make excuses for her continuing to see her ex and make it out to be about just sex. It may be for him but I’m telling you, she’s prioritizing him over you. How old are her kids? She may be trying to win her ex back to restore her family. 

A woman that thinks she’s pregnant with your kids, who sees that you’re still pursuing her, will definitely be cutting off her ex, especially if he’s not as good a provider. Unless their kids are young. Then she’s will chase after him and may terminate the pregnancy to win him back.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

So 6 children by the time you were 25? None since the 15 year old was born and you now want this one to raise?


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## Detatchedfromlove (Dec 16, 2021)

Openminded said:


> So 6 children by the time you were 25? None since the 15 year old was born and you now want this one to raise?


Yh 6 to my previous then she got sterilised after 2 abortions so would of been 8 wow don’t even know how I’ve managed but it’s done now & I don’t even know what’s for the best with this other women being pregnant


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## Detatchedfromlove (Dec 16, 2021)

jsmart said:


> You’re wanting to make excuses for her continuing to see her ex and make it out to be about just sex. It may be for him but I’m telling you, she’s prioritizing him over you. How old are her kids? She may be trying to win her ex back to restore her family.
> 
> A woman that thinks she’s pregnant with your kids, who sees that you’re still pursuing her, will definitely be cutting off her ex, especially if he’s not as good a provider. Unless their kids are young. Then she’s will chase after him and may terminate the pregnancy to win him back.


I think your right about her terminating the baby to be with him that’s what I think is going to happen


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## Detatchedfromlove (Dec 16, 2021)

Detatchedfromlove said:


> I think your right about her terminating the baby to be with him that’s what I think is going to happen


Her 2 kids to him are 11 & 13 she has a 9 year old to another man who’s not been about since she got pregnant to him then her & her other kids dad got back together while pregnant with the other man’s baby but when he leaves he takes he’s 2 kids with him & leaves the other man’s with her


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Detatchedfromlove said:


> My 6 children are all ages 15-24


You were 16 when you had your first child?


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## Detatchedfromlove (Dec 16, 2021)

In Absentia said:


> You were 16 when you had your first child?


Yes we both were 16 she fell pregnant straight away then it was 1 after the other


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Detatchedfromlove said:


> Yes we both were 16 she fell pregnant straight away then it was 1 after the other


Wow, that's young!


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## Canadiana (1 mo ago)

Detatchedfromlove said:


> I know what you say but I just no it’s real & mine


No, you do not.

You need to start dealing with reality. Not what you _hope_ is true, but the facts as they stand, today. 

I am getting the sense that you really want her to be pregnant withy your baby, because it would mean you have a permanent tie to her. But you can't let this fantasy blind you to reality.


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## Detatchedfromlove (Dec 16, 2021)

Canadiana said:


> No, you do not.
> 
> You need to start dealing with reality. Not what you _hope_ is true, but the facts as they stand, today.
> 
> I am getting the sense that you really want her to be pregnant withy your baby, because it would mean you have a permanent tie to her. But you can't let this fantasy blind you to reality.


I don’t even no myself anymore what I want or what’s best


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## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

Prodigal said:


> The reason I asked is you'll likely need another heart transplant. My understanding is that pediatric transplants have a life span of approximately 20 years. Sounds like you have outlasted your warranty.
> 
> Don't you think it would be far wiser to be looking out for your health than dealing with all this drama?
> 
> P.S. - A woman named Lizzie Craze is reported to be the longest living pediatric heart transplant patient thirty years after her initial transplant. With that in mind, something isn't adding up here.


Second thus. My son has a critical heart defect. Hearts rarely lady 40 years even today. What condition did you have? Cardiomyopathy? Single ventricle?


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## Detatchedfromlove (Dec 16, 2021)

snowbum said:


> Second thus. My son has a critical heart defect. Hearts rarely lady 40 years even today. What condition did you have? Cardiomyopathy? Single ventricle?


I only have what info my mother gave to me as she was in jail at the time I no I had what I put previous aortic valve transplant etc I no I had a 24 & 48 hour operation & open & closed surgery


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## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

And a heart transplant or you were able to avoid it?


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## Detatchedfromlove (Dec 16, 2021)

snowbum said:


> And a heart transplant or you were able to avoid it?


The full heart was avoided but the major parts was transplanted more than several holes filled some left as was size of pin hole I had a banding around my heart until I was strong enough for surgery also prosthetic arteries


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## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

Detatchedfromlove said:


> The full heart was avoided but the major parts was transplanted more than several holes filled some left as was size of pin hole I had a banding around my heart until I was strong enough for surgery also prosthetic arteries


Sounds kind of like transposition of the great arteries.


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## Detatchedfromlove (Dec 16, 2021)

snowbum said:


> Sounds kind of like transposition of the great arteries.


I have a murmur & suffer from heart palpitations sometimes severe


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## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

Detatchedfromlove said:


> I have a murmur & suffer from heart palpitations sometimes severe


Do you see a cardiologist?


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## Detatchedfromlove (Dec 16, 2021)

snowbum said:


> Do you see a cardiologist?


Yes normally once a year I have a anxiety disorder as well which makes it worse as sometimes I think & feel like I’m having a heart attack


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

Detatchedfromlove said:


> Her 2 kids to him are 11 & 13 she has a 9 year old to another man who’s not been about since she got pregnant to him then her & her other kids dad got back together while pregnant with the other man’s baby but when he leaves he takes he’s 2 kids with him & leaves the other man’s with her


Her ex is the father of 2 of her kids and based on their ages they have been together for at least 14 years. That she got pregnant and carried an affair partner’s kid before but ended up staying with her ex could mean that she will do it to him again but I think it’s more likely that she will pull out all the stops to keep him, which means that very likely she will have an abortion.

I strongly suggest that you start pulling away to protect yourself emotionally. You’re very attached to this woman. If she comes around to you saying she’s done with her ex, you can reassess but I wouldn’t hold my breath for that to happen. What you described of her behavior is a woman working to reconcile with her ex while keeping you as plan b.


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## Detatchedfromlove (Dec 16, 2021)

jsmart said:


> Her ex is the father of 2 of her kids and based on their ages they have been together for at least 14 years. That she got pregnant and carried an affair partner’s kid before but ended up staying with her ex could mean that she will do it to him again but I think it’s more likely that she will pull out all the stops to keep him, which means that very likely she will have an abortion.
> 
> I strongly suggest that you start pulling away to protect yourself emotionally. You’re very attached to this woman. If she comes around to you saying she’s done with her ex, you can reassess but I wouldn’t hold my breath for that to happen. What you described of her behavior is a woman working to reconcile with her ex while keeping you as plan b.


Yes I do think she will abort to reconcile with her ex she has been using me in between him for over a year the emotional attachment is painful I was with her the other day until late when she asked me to leave for no reason then the next night he was there for a bit & she hasn’t spoke with me since I seen her today but she just turned around & didn’t even say hello ? I honestly don’t get what’s going on but it hurts like mad


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## Detatchedfromlove (Dec 16, 2021)

jsmart said:


> Her ex is the father of 2 of her kids and based on their ages they have been together for at least 14 years. That she got pregnant and carried an affair partner’s kid before but ended up staying with her ex could mean that she will do it to him again but I think it’s more likely that she will pull out all the stops to keep him, which means that very likely she will have an abortion.
> 
> I strongly suggest that you start pulling away to protect yourself emotionally. You’re very attached to this woman. If she comes around to you saying she’s done with her ex, you can reassess but I wouldn’t hold my breath for that to happen. What you described of her behavior is a woman working to reconcile with her ex while keeping you as plan b.


When we got together properly she told him about us & she kept him out of the picture introduced me to her kids & family etc told people about us but then went really distant towards me but wouldn’t stay out of touch & kept contacting me every few days but not seeing me unless she wanted something it’s mentally draining


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## Dormatte (4 mo ago)

Leave her.
Also, tell her that unless you two get a paternity test you will not be doing anything for her or the alleged baby. That means no doctors appointment, no buying things, no birthing classes, no giving her money, absolutely nothing.

Then block her.

Let her come and find you to tell you what she's going to do.



Have in your mind, that this alleged baby (maybe she's lying about being pregnant) isn't yours or doesn't exist until there's proof.


She shouldn't have a problem going to a doctor's appointment with you to confirm pregnancy, and to have a non invasive paternity test done to prove to you that it's your child.



If she doesn't know who the father is she should say so..but still get the tests done.




Don't believe anything she says without proof.

Cut her off without it. 

Cut her off and strickly co parent if it's your child.

If it's your kid, take her to court if she refuses you visitation and not allowing you to be in it's life.


She may if really pregnant, just wants you to take care of another man's child.



Also, you shouldn't have expected a glorious stable compatible relationship.



She had no problem dealing with a married man.

You had no problem pretending and acting like you were single... Even if you told her you were married, you were still acting single.


The marriage should have ended, before you began anything with anyone else. 

It's most likely, the marriage should have never began. 

This lady had no intentions of remaining faithful to you.

She was only in it for the thrill and excitement of sneaking around. 

She's in love with her ex. Always has been. Probably always will be.


He probably didn't want her at the time, and you were her distraction.


If you two never had a relationship discussion and mutually agreed on an exclusive committed relationship, you both have been single and just seeing each other.


Stop letting your daughter meet and be around women that you are seeing, if it's not serious, nor leading towards marriage.


Don't let her meet these women right away either.


This is your karma.

Learn how to leave dead end relationships and never begin them in the first place....

Instead of cheating.


Perhaps therapy would be beneficial.


You have low self esteem and don't love yourself.


You need to grow a pair too and stop letting women treat you terribly. 

Learn how to stop treating yourself terribly and stop jumping into relationships quickly.



Learn how to be comfortable being single.

Work on becoming a better version of yourself and a better person.


Grow and learn from the lessons, or else it will repeat


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## Detatchedfromlove (Dec 16, 2021)

Dormatte said:


> Leave her.
> Also, tell her that unless you two get a paternity test you will not be doing anything for her or the alleged baby. That means no doctors appointment, no buying things, no birthing classes, no giving her money, absolutely nothing.
> 
> Then block her.
> ...


All very true & hit me hard some of what you wrote thank you I will take what you wrote & put it to good use


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Some people who grew up in very badly damaged homes and who then compound this by entering into an abusive relationship learn a variety of coping techniques. One of these is being a people pleaser. 

I think this is what @Detatchedfromlove has done.

Also there's a tendency for some abused people to seek out fellow abused people to help them. Sometimes at risk to themselves.


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## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

Detatchedfromlove said:


> I really don’t want to question her at the minute I’m already convinced that’s she’s going to get a termination without her saying so, I know it’s probably for the best but a baby is a gift & a blessing & I’m convinced the baby’s mine


tis a fantasy land attitude!
Be realistic man. You need evidence it IS actually your baby - and if it is - devise a plan with Ann attorney to pay support for at least 18 years and get a visitation plan together under the law.

this gal could be using you and manipulating you. Find out what’s real first! You have NO idea that she was ONLY sleeping with you during that time frame!
Not having evidence and the balls to ask her is very immature.


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## Bulfrog1987 (Oct 8, 2021)

Detatchedfromlove said:


> yh I think a vasectomy is for the best & it was an emotional affair until I left my alcohol dependent wife who was more than abusive for a long time I suffered tremendously this women was there for me but ironically she has turned out to be not what I expected or would choose as a partner or a parent for my child


Having and alcoholic and abusive wife is not an excuse for philandering about sir. Speaking from experience. What are you here to ask? Don’t you already know the answer? I think so. 

You’ll get no support her really. I mean, the obvious advice of course. But the first step to becoming a recovering cheater (many say isn’t possible) is to take accountability for doing it and minimizing by saint your spouse was an abusive alcoholic.. well, that’s not a great sign.


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## elliblue (7 mo ago)

She has a personality dissorder. Sounds like borderline personality dissorder. 
But as you did fall for her, youmust have similar traits. 

Explains all the cheating you two are doing and all the hot and cold, today 'crazy in love', tomorrow 'I hate you' stuff going on...

Borderliner are also not able to understand their own emotions or those of others and are impulsive. The result is relationships full of emotional and physical abuse. 

Borderliner are also not able to be alone. Sometimes both. This means they always have to have someone around other wise they go mental (crisis)'. Not being alone means not being alone at home or anywhere else and includes always being in a relationship.
That is why they cheat before they leave to not be alone.


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## Detatchedfromlove (Dec 16, 2021)

Bulfrog1987 said:


> Having and alcoholic and abusive wife is not an excuse for philandering about sir. Speaking from experience. What are you here to ask? Don’t you already know the answer? I think so.
> 
> You’ll get no support her really. I mean, the obvious advice of course. But the first step to becoming a recovering cheater (many say isn’t possible) is to take accountability for doing it and minimizing by saint your spouse was an abusive alcoholic.. well, that’s not a great sign.


I went through hell trying to fix my marriage alone my wife wasnt interested in fixing anything only drinking she was & still is a aggressive verbalist to say the least she would tell our children I rape them in their sleep amongst other vile things she would say like going at the children with knives telling them she will kill them while a sleep etc that was just some of the things that went on & yes I know I enabled this to continue trying to keep a dysfunctional family together she tried to cheat more than several times. Yes I started an emotional affair with this other women but I ended it before it went any further then when I left my wife we rekindled what we had I’m not using what she done as an excuse but the other women helped me to heal as I did her


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## Detatchedfromlove (Dec 16, 2021)

elliblue said:


> She has a personality dissorder. Sounds like borderline personality dissorder.
> But as you did fall for her, youmust have similar traits.
> 
> Explains all the cheating you two are doing and all the hot and cold, today 'crazy in love', tomorrow 'I hate you' stuff going on...
> ...


I think you nailed it with personality disorder tbh


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## Bulfrog1987 (Oct 8, 2021)

Detatchedfromlove said:


> I went through hell trying to fix my marriage alone my wife wasnt interested in fixing anything only drinking she was & still is a aggressive verbalist to say the least she would tell our children I rape them in their sleep amongst other vile things she would say like going at the children with knives telling them she will kill them while a sleep etc that was just some of the things that went on & yes I know I enabled this to continue trying to keep a dysfunctional family together she tried to cheat more than several times. Yes I started an emotional affair with this other women but I ended it before it went any further then when I left my wife we rekindled what we had I’m not using what she done as an excuse but the other women helped me to heal as I did her


I think you’re far from healed my friend.


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## Detatchedfromlove (Dec 16, 2021)

Bulfrog1987 said:


> I think you’re far from healed my friend.


Yes I have more healing to go through I think this site along with quora has helped me in loads of ways thank you


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Openminded said:


> Yet another innocent baby brought into a dysfunctional situation.


Yes, so very sad isn't it.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Detatchedfromlove said:


> The dates match from when I was with her


When she was probably with others as well.


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## Detatchedfromlove (Dec 16, 2021)

Diana7 said:


> When she was probably with others as well.


I was with her consistently at that time it was afterwards when she was with him when she found out, I have 6 already to my previous partner I’m extremely fertile I think


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Diana7 said:


> Yes, so very sad isn't it.


Indeed it is.


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## Sfort (Sep 28, 2019)

Detatchedfromlove said:


> I was with her consistently at that time. It was afterwards when she was with him when she found out. I have six already with my previous partner. I’m extremely fertile, I think.


At least you have a fertile imagination. Do you work? Are you saying there were not even two hours during that time that you were not in her presence? Cheaters are very crafty. They’re like dogs in heat. They will find a way.


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## Detatchedfromlove (Dec 16, 2021)

Sfort said:


> At least you have a fertile imagination. Do you work? Are you saying there were not even two hours during that time that you were not in her presence? Cheaters are very crafty. They’re like dogs in heat. They will find a way.


Honestly im 100% the baby is mine I have no doubts & yes I own my own business I sold my family home last year for double what I paid & bought my wife a house & renovated it to her own taste & I now rent back my family home from the new owner I do very well for myself I came from nothing I no what it’s like to live without


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## Sfort (Sep 28, 2019)

Detatchedfromlove said:


> Honestly, I’m 100% sure the baby is mine. I have no doubts, and yes, I own my own business. I sold my family home last year for double what I paid and bought my wife a house and renovated it to her own taste. I now rent back my family home from the new owner. I do very well for myself. I came from nothing. I know what it’s like to live without.


So what’s the answer to my question?


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## Detatchedfromlove (Dec 16, 2021)

Sfort said:


> So what’s the answer to my question?


There was no one else there at that time I no for sure but understand what you mean


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Until you DNA that baby you’ll never know for sure.


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## Detatchedfromlove (Dec 16, 2021)

Openminded said:


> Until you DNA that baby you’ll never know for sure.


I will be doing if she goes ahead with this just for leave of mind but I’m certain as of now


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