# Tired of being used.....



## Hustler519 (May 4, 2017)

Ive been married for 21 months and Im ready to leave it all behind. We dated for 9 yr but ddnt marry because we both had other children from previous relationships and felt it would be easier to wait until the kids got older to marry. Although we had 3 children betwn 18-20, only my 20yr old finished high school and went to college. His two teens dropped out and decided they no longer want to live with their mom. Instead they want to move into our house and he thinks that I am supposed to convert my daughters bedroom that she comes home from college to every summer, into a shared room. Not bcuz they have no place to go but bcuz they wanna be here. All day...eating up everything, running up every bill, while my daughter works 2 jobs and takes 2 summer classes. When asked why he hasnt made them take a GED course, his response is that they're grownups and he cant force them. Also he is not the best provider. We both work long hours and make similiar pay but he comes home and sleeps and Im left to care for the house and our small son that we have together. He will even delegate errands that he needs to do for his adult children bcuz neither of them drive. I have made an agreement that we split the bills 50/50 but most of the time, he never has his half and acts like he's jealous bcuz I have money left over after bills and he doesnt. It seems like he purposely sabotages everything I do to make extra money or makes up things that he has to pay so that I will have to cover more expenses than him. I really feel like no one has benefited from this marriage but him and his adult kids bcuz Im always miserable. When he gives me his half of the bill money, he borrows nearly half of it back for gas and lunch by mid month. When i complain he tries to put me down and make it seem like Im a bad wife and shows favoritism to my biological kids. He does not require his ex to be a good parent at all, he relies solely on me to basically re-raise his children eventhough they are now adults.


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## cc48kel (Apr 5, 2017)

There is no way I would stay to take care of his adult children without some respect. Leave him!


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

So how tired of being used are you?
Tired enough to be single?

It's obvious he has no regard for your feelings, not the motivation to improve anyone's life, including his own...


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## Vinnydee (Jan 4, 2016)

I personally know three husbands who sponge off of their wives. One buys classic cars and motorcycles and parks his best bike in the living room. He rarely works, maybe a few weeks a year because all the pay and work is beneath him. When his kids wanted a DVD player, he bought one for $5 at a garage sale. Yet he will spend a few grand on his toys. One thing that is interesting is that two of the three wives are nurses. They pull double shifts to support their family. I have always wondered why those wives put up with their husbands. They are not good looking or have a great personality. Maybe they are good in bed but I want to know where to get a wife to support me.

I work with a guy who met a woman on a dating site. He married her and her three teenage sons moved into his home. He says that he now realizes that she uses men to support her kids and herself. You have the same problem but different gender. This guy was married to a hot woman from Thailand. After he paid for her restaurant, she left him. Some people are users and seek out givers. After seeing what happened to friends who married divorced women with kids, I will never divorce my wife. She can cheat on me every day of the week and I will still hold on to her because I do not want to support someone else's kids or make it so I work and they get to sit at home all day. Just my feeling. 

To be fair, I do have friends who made it work but both spouses have good incomes and only the wife had the kids and the most is 2. Joining two families with kids has to be very difficult, especially if one sponges off the other. It is your life so what we strangers say, should not influence your decision. I make it a policy to weigh lightly advice from someone who does not have to live with the consequences. Personally I would not put up with it but that is your decision to make.


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

Your husband is parenting out of guilt, he feels he "owes" his kids and is afraid to stop enabling their behavior. Or he has always been a bad parent and this is just typical behavior! 

It's not your fault his kids dropped out of school, not your fault they don't have jobs, not your fault they have no motivation. So why do you need to suffer for their issues? I would give them a very short window of opportunity, like two weeks. Either they work toward their GED, get a job or assume much of the household duties to earn their keep. At the end of two weeks if nothing changes than you need to force a change, even if that means taking your own life in a new direction. 

Also the last thing in the world you want is for your hard working daughter to spend any time with these sloth kids, they could influence her a very negative ways!


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Personally, I would not tolerate this situation. Your H sounds like a crappy partner, and a disinterested parent.


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## NoChoice (Feb 12, 2012)

OP,
In reality you did not marry him, you adopted him.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Either his deadbeat, loutish kids get off of their lazy a$$es and get their own jobs, transportation, and pads, or you need to get out of the relationship like yesterday! You're being used like a second hand suit!

Enabling their lazy, sloven habits solves no one's problems!

And by the way, exactly what does this little arrangement say to your productive, hardworking daughter who is busy trying to educate herself?*


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