# What is a quality man for long term romantic relationships?



## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

I'll start:

I am not going to say character and integrity, because what people mean by that differs. A person's interpretation of what integrity MEANS could be very different than mine. So valuing the same kind of integrity that I do; honesty (even HARD honesty), kindness, capability, perseverance. Objectivity is a MUST for me. The ability to apply reason to evidence to come to conclusions rather than flit from emotion to emotion. Valuing family over almost everything else and applying aforementioned integrity to building that.

Humorous, fun loving, engaged and engaging.

WHat do you think?


----------



## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Two words:

Ragnar Ragnasson, sums it up.

Hehehe

😁

Thought I'd throw in a bit of humor before many posts.


----------



## nekonamida (Feb 21, 2017)

Placing value in growing together as a couple and long term stability. Being a team player and doing things for the good of the relationship and not just yourself. This is how I knew my husband was right for me.

People who aren't good at long term relationships put a lot of emphasis on being in love and thrilling passion so they tend to discard the relationship when it inevitably wears off.


----------



## StillSearching (Feb 8, 2013)

A man that frequents TAM.


----------



## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

Would you add "capable". I would think that a quality man has abilities / skills / something to contribute to the world. 

(I'd say the same for quality women)


----------



## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

uhtred said:


> Would you add "capable". I would think that a quality man has abilities / skills / something to contribute to the world.
> 
> (I'd say the same for quality women)


I would. In fact, I did.


----------



## StillSearching (Feb 8, 2013)

Integrity has a definition.

1.The quality of being honest and having strong moral principles; moral uprightness.

2.The state of being whole and undivided


----------



## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

StillSearching said:


> Integrity has a definition.
> 
> 1.The quality of being honest and having strong moral principles; moral uprightness.
> 
> 2.The state of being whole and undivided


This is the internet. Do people deal in definitions on the internet?

ETA: More to the point, what moral principles and what moral uprightness IS are open to interpretation.


----------



## StillSearching (Feb 8, 2013)

NobodySpecial said:


> This is the internet. Do people deal in definitions on the internet?
> 
> ETA: More to the point, *what moral principles and what moral uprightness IS are open to interpretation*.


Yes Agreed.
I was pointing out that words mean things. 
I was pretty sure you didn't mean integrity.

Even on the internet.


----------



## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

StillSearching said:


> Yes Agreed.
> I was pointing out that words mean things.
> I was pretty sure you didn't mean integrity.
> 
> Even on the internet.


Just when I loosen up about words to get along with everyone else, you have to come along. Sheesh.


----------



## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

settling in.









BTW I really like NS's definition of integrity. clearly spelled out what a "whole" person is to her.


----------



## Lila (May 30, 2014)

I have no idea anymore. 

There used to be a time when I could answer this question at a drop of a hat. Now I feel like I am describing a make believe character of my own invention.


----------



## SpinyNorman (Jan 24, 2018)

Like most of life's important questions, the answer lies in an old and dirty joke. 

A woman places an ad for a lover who won't walk out or beat her, and will please her in bed. Her doorbell rings and she answers it to see a legless, armless man in a wheelchair. He says "I'm here about your ad!" She seems incredulous. "I won't beat you, I've got no arms! I won't walk out, I've got no legs!" 

"Well what about the other?" she asks.

"Well I've got no arms or legs, and somehow I rang a doorbell that's about a foot above my face" he said, and stuck out his tongue.


----------



## Lillee (Mar 31, 2019)

I am on board with honesty, complete openness. Have respect for each other. Value relationships and not take things for granted.

I will be the shallow one and add the need for attraction. It is really high up there on the list. It plays a just as important role in relationships. I want to be attracted physically (and mentally stimulated) to my partner and him to me. If people do not feel that they begin to feel unfulfilled and all too often on this site you read about people seeking that from someone outside the relationship. Not saying cheating is good or justified.

Let the flaming begin....

~Lil~


----------



## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

As I have gotten older I have come to value one particular quality very highly in part because it is apparently so freaking rare. And I think this applies to men and women



I really appreciate any man or woman who has the maturity, character, and humility to at mit when they are wrong and use the words I'm sorry. Nobody does that anymore, but a real man or a real woman isn't afraid of it.


----------



## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

...


----------



## StillSearching (Feb 8, 2013)

personofinterest said:


> As I have gotten older I have come to value one particular quality very highly in part because it is apparently so freaking rare. And I think this applies to men and women
> 
> 
> 
> I really appreciate any man or *woman who has *the maturity, character, and *humility to admit when they are wrong and use the words I'm sorry*. Nobody does that anymore, but a real man or a real woman isn't afraid of it.


No woman I have known in the last 53 years.


----------



## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

personofinterest said:


> As I have gotten older I have come to value one particular quality very highly in part because it is apparently so freaking rare. And I think this applies to men and women
> 
> 
> 
> I really appreciate any man or woman who has the maturity, character, and humility to at mit when they are wrong and use the words I'm sorry. Nobody does that anymore, but a real man or a real woman isn't afraid of it.


What if he’s never wrong?
Asking for a friend.....


----------



## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

Andy1001 said:


> personofinterest said:
> 
> 
> > As I have gotten older I have come to value one particular quality very highly in part because it is apparently so freaking rare. And I think this applies to men and women
> ...


Then I hope he marries a woman who is also never wrong 😄 : D


----------



## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

personofinterest said:


> As I have gotten older I have come to value one particular quality very highly in part because it is apparently so freaking rare. And I think this applies to men and women
> 
> 
> 
> I really appreciate any man or woman who has the maturity, character, and humility to at mit when they are wrong and use the words I'm sorry. *Nobody does that anymore*, but a real man or a real woman isn't afraid of it.


I feel like I live in a different world than the rest of this board. I'll grant that I come across people who are emotionally and mentally really immature in this way. But I don't choose to hang out with them. In my regular life of friends, family, everyone I know is more than capable of and happy to admit to being wrong, saying sorry, etc.. In my dating life, I certainly have been exposed to *********gery, but I have dated a good number of genuine, honest, caring, wonderful people. I don't mean to slam, but I can't help wondering if the folks pointing fingers at all those other people out there that are like this don't attract and appeal to that in some way.


----------



## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

StillSearching said:


> No woman I have known in the last 53 years.


LOL, I know quite a few and I am one. I also know quite a few men who fit the bill, including my husband.

The phenomenon of never being wrong seems more....prolific on the internet lol


----------



## Robbie1234 (Feb 8, 2017)

personofinterest said:


> LOL, I know quite a few and I am one. I also know quite a few men who fit the bill, including my husband.
> 
> The phenomenon of never being wrong seems more....prolific on the internet lol


Marrying Miss Right is all good and well as long as her first name isn't always.


----------



## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

NobodySpecial said:


> I feel like I live in a different world than the rest of this board. I'll grant that I come across people who are emotionally and mentally really immature in this way. But I don't choose to hang out with them. In my regular life of friends, family, everyone I know is more than capable of and happy to admit to being wrong, saying sorry, etc.. In my dating life, I certainly have been exposed to *********gery, but I have dated a good number of genuine, honest, caring, wonderful people. I don't mean to slam, but I can't help wondering if the folks pointing fingers at all those other people out there that are like this don't attract and appeal to that in some way.


I dunno. I am very quick to apologize when I am wrong OR when I know I have hurt someone, even if it wasn't intentional.

I have noticed, especially online, people seem to be obsessed with some fear of losing face or something if they apologize. More than once I have said outright "This hurt me." I have yet to have ANYONE online do anything other than deflect or double down.


----------



## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

personofinterest said:


> I dunno. I am very quick to apologize when I am wrong OR when I know I have hurt someone, even if it wasn't intentional.
> 
> I have noticed, especially online, people seem to be obsessed with some fear of losing face or something if they apologize. More than once I have said outright "This hurt me." *I have yet* to have ANYONE online do anything other than deflect or double down.


Yah you have.


----------



## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

NobodySpecial said:


> Yah you have.


True, and I stand corrected. You have done that


----------



## notmyjamie (Feb 5, 2019)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> Two words:
> 
> Ragnar Ragnasson, sums it up.
> 
> ...


LOL...as I recall though, Ragnar bedded many another woman while poor Brida had to stand by and watch. Hmmm...:surprise:


----------



## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

personofinterest said:


> True, and I stand corrected. You have done that


----------



## TheDudeLebowski (Oct 10, 2017)

personofinterest said:


> I dunno. I am very quick to apologize when I am wrong OR when I know I have hurt someone, even if it wasn't intentional.
> 
> I have noticed, especially online, people seem to be obsessed with some fear of losing face or something if they apologize. More than once I have said outright "This hurt me." I have yet to have ANYONE online do anything other than deflect or double down.





personofinterest said:


> I am an adopted child.
> 
> You generalization is idiotic and offensive. Don't bother replying to me unless it is to apologize.





> Not sure what I said to offend you or anyone adopted or that choose to adopt, but I apologize.


----------



## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

A quality man for long term romantic relationships... hm... well first off, he needs to actually WANT a long term romantic relationship. 

My words to describe a quality man:

Honest
Faithful
Kind
Responsible
Attentive and affectionate
Even tempered
Good morals
Family oriented

I would like this all wrapped in packaging that I find attractive! :grin2:


----------



## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

This one is easy for me to write, because I have a living example of a Quality Man. 

So let's see...if I look at my example, here are the traits I come up with: Integrity (meaning he has a strong moral compass and conducts his life with those values as his guide), Honest (straightforward and transparent in all interactions), Loyal (faithful devotion to family, friends, employer, community, and country), Respectful (values the worth of all people), Responsible (accepts personal, relational and societal obligations--accepts accountability), Humble (a learning and growth mindset with a modest opinion of self-importance), Compassionate (sympathy for the suffering and a desire to help), Fair (make decisions and take actions based the best outcome for all involved), Forgiving (let go of the right to recompense for an offense), Authentic (capable of showing vulnerability and self-awareness), Courageous (mental fortitude to carry on with a commitment through discomfort), Generous (willing to offer time, energy, efforts, emotions without expecting something in return), Determined (persevere with a course of action, even when it becomes difficult), Polite (act in good manners and courtesy toward all people--manners maketh the man), Kind (being considerate and benevolent toward others), Loving (choosing to act in a loving way--able to express intimate caring in words and actions), Optimistic (a sense of hopefulness and confidence--a positive outlook), Reliable (consistently follows through on commitments), Conscientious (the desire to do things well--thorough, efficient, organized), and Self-disciplined (self-control is exercised in order to reach a desired goal). 

You can see why I thought I'd be "happily single" for the rest of my life!


----------



## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

The US, and probably other western countries, have a lot of remarkably isolated sub-cultures that occupy the same physical space, but are distinct. 

I have remarkably little contact with people outside of my sub-culture (nerds), her, a little on FB and occasionally chatting to "normal" people. In my group of friends, most people really are overall good. I've seen a little of the bad behavior describe at the very fringes of my social group, but its really rare. 



NobodySpecial said:


> I feel like I live in a different world than the rest of this board. I'll grant that I come across people who are emotionally and mentally really immature in this way. But I don't choose to hang out with them. In my regular life of friends, family, everyone I know is more than capable of and happy to admit to being wrong, saying sorry, etc.. In my dating life, I certainly have been exposed to *********gery, but I have dated a good number of genuine, honest, caring, wonderful people. I don't mean to slam, but I can't help wondering if the folks pointing fingers at all those other people out there that are like this don't attract and appeal to that in some way.


----------



## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

notmyjamie said:


> LOL...as I recall though, Ragnar bedded many another woman while poor Brida had to stand by and watch. Hmmm...:surprise:


Well, there was that. 😎😎😎


----------



## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Affaircare said:


> This one is easy for me to write, because I have a living example of a Quality Man.
> 
> So let's see...if I look at my example, here are the traits I come up with:
> Integrity (meaning he has a strong moral compass and conducts his life with those values as his guide), Honest (straightforward and transparent in all interactions), Loyal (faithful devotion to family, friends, employer, community, and country).
> ...


Durn! Now this is what I call a list with details necessary to construct an image in one's mind.

Well said! 

And I agree with this explanation of what a good quality man is and represents. 

😊😊😊


----------



## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

One quality that I am looking for is someone who is honest about where they see me fitting in their lives.

The guy I dated after my divorce, I think he was either looking for a beard (his habits in bed made me wonder if he was gay); a lifelong unmarried companion or just a year tour of Europe (I was living in London) at the time.

We were both 40+ at the time. In a conversation, he asked if I wanted to remarry and have children because that's what he wanted, he said. in the same conversation, however, he said that he hoped to retire in the next 7 years.

Was he serious about my having the babies and bringing home the bacon or did he just forget what he said at the beginning of the conversation.


----------



## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

NextTimeAround said:


> One quality that I am looking for is someone who is honest about where they see me fitting in their lives.
> 
> The guy I dated after my divorce, I think he was either looking for a beard (his habits in bed made me wonder if he was gay); a lifelong unmarried companion or just a year tour of Europe (I was living in London) at the time.
> 
> ...


Did he actually say bring home the bacon? Maybe he wanted to have kids AND retire.


----------



## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

NobodySpecial said:


> Did he actually say bring home the bacon? Maybe he wanted to have kids AND retire.


I didn't have the feeling that he was making that much money (just over the 6 figure threshold he later told me) to be able to retire and continue the lifestyle that he had. 

But the way that he was trying to press me into longish term entanglements that involved money ie moving into my (tiny) apartment while taking a cut in pay and then suggesting that he hang on to his home in an east coast city so that I could use it a an office to do business in that city/ country (never reassuring me that he was prepared to take over the running costs) just made me believe that he was not serious about much.


----------



## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

NextTimeAround said:


> I didn't have the feeling that he was making that much money (just over the 6 figure threshold he later told me) to be able to retire and continue the lifestyle that he had.
> 
> But the way that he was trying to press me into longish term entanglements that involved money ie moving into my (tiny) apartment while taking a cut in pay and then suggesting that he hang on to his home in an east coast city so that I could use it a an office to do business in that city/ country (never reassuring me that he was prepared to take over the running costs) just made me believe that he was not serious about much.


I dunno....he seemed pretty serious about making use of YOUR assets....eek


----------



## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> Well, there was that. 😎😎😎


Ragnar was no @uhtred.


----------



## notmyjamie (Feb 5, 2019)

NobodySpecial said:


> Ragnar Ragnasson said:
> 
> 
> > Well, there was that. 😎😎😎
> ...


No, but Uhtred did screw around on Mildreth. He was a much better husband when he was allowed to marry for love though. Gisela got a much better husband than Mildreth. 😄


----------



## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

personofinterest said:


> I dunno....he seemed pretty serious about making use of YOUR assets....eek


The problem was that everyone thought that since he wanted to live with me, that this relationship was worthy. A lot of women really sell themselves short.


----------



## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

But he didn't seem to have the James Bond effect where all his partners die. I guess the writer is stuck trying to figure out how the super-alpha manly man, who is completely loyal, and who no woman would voluntarily leave, always winds up with young hot babes. He can't leave women when they get old, so they have to die (or join a convent or something). 




notmyjamie said:


> LOL...as I recall though, Ragnar bedded many another woman while poor Brida had to stand by and watch. Hmmm...:surprise:


----------



## StillSearching (Feb 8, 2013)

personofinterest said:


> I dunno....he seemed pretty serious about making use of *YOUR ass*ets....eek


I see what you did there.


----------



## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

StillSearching said:


> I see what you did there.


The irony here is that if I had not pressed for sex, we probably would not have done it.

This is why I say that a woman is kidding herself if she thinks that waiting until marriage is the way to go before having sex. 

imagine thinking about how this guy "respects me so much" because he is not asking for sex only to find out that you've been hanging out with a closeted homosexual.


----------



## StillSearching (Feb 8, 2013)

NextTimeAround said:


> The irony here is that if I had not pressed for sex, we probably would not have done it.
> 
> This is why I say that a woman is kidding herself if she thinks that waiting until marriage is the way to go before having sex.
> 
> imagine thinking about how this guy "respects me so much" because he is not asking for sex only to find out that you've been hanging out with a closeted homosexual.


RESPECT!
Men too. Know who you choose to marry.
So many men are deathy afraid to talk about sex before marriage, then complain the BJs have stopped.


----------



## notmyjamie (Feb 5, 2019)

NextTimeAround said:


> This is why I say that a woman is kidding herself if she thinks that waiting until marriage is the way to go before having sex.
> 
> imagine thinking about how this guy "respects me so much" because he is not asking for sex only to find out that you've been hanging out with a closeted homosexual.



I can't imagine marrying someone I've never had sex with. I *have* married a closeted gay/bi man but I did have sex with him before marriage...lots of it actually. There are just no guarantees in anything so I'd never take the chance. It would be just my luck I'd marry and then find out he has a diaper fetish or something. :surprise: (no offense to those that do, that's just WAY outside my comfort level)


----------



## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

I wonder why some people equate "respect" with "not wanting sex". Certainly its a problem if someone *only* wants sex, but I don't seen anything wrong with *also* wanting sex. 

To me the key is balance. At all points in a relationship things should feel balanced *now*, not some hope of balance in the future.


----------



## notmyjamie (Feb 5, 2019)

uhtred said:


> I wonder why some people equate "respect" with "not wanting sex". Certainly its a problem if someone *only* wants sex, but I don't seen anything wrong with *also* wanting sex.
> 
> To me the key is balance. At all points in a relationship things should feel balanced *now*, not some hope of balance in the future.


If I had to guess it's because years ago, "respectable" women did not engage in any type of sex prior to marriage. Or that's what everyone pretended anyway. So if a man asked for sex, it meant he thought you weren't respectable.


----------



## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

notmyjamie said:


> No, but Uhtred did screw around on Mildreth. He was a much better husband when he was allowed to marry for love though. Gisela got a much better husband than Mildreth. 😄


After some tough marriages, losses, Uhtred won the best prize in Gisela.


----------



## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

notmyjamie said:


> If I had to guess it's because years ago, "respectable" women did not engage in any type of sex prior to marriage. Or that's what everyone pretended anyway. So if a man asked for sex, it meant he thought you weren't respectable.


To dovetail that, some women believe that this will set them apart from other women. I used to visit a message board in which women discussed avoiding sex in an LT relationship, how to keep the guy interested while avoiding sex with him. Some women thought it was carte blanche to have an FB on the side. Those longer on the board, thankfully, said that was not part of the plan.

I knew a couple of women in real life who claimed they were doing that while "dating." Two women weren't getting any dates at all. We were at a support group talking about dating. As one of these women was extolling the virtues of making a man wait until marriage because that means he will propose sooner rather than later, I added that I had had sex before I was officially dating my first husband and we were married within 10 months of dating (eloping). The woman then said "that's why your marriage lasted ONLY 10 years." I never had a warm feeling for that woman again.


----------



## Lila (May 30, 2014)

NextTimeAround said:


> To dovetail that, some women believe that this will set them apart from other women. I used to visit a message board in which women discussed avoiding sex in an LT relationship, how to keep the guy interested while avoiding sex with him. Some women thought it was carte blanche to have an FB on the side. Those longer on the board, thankfully, said that was not part of the plan.


So these women were essentially cheating on their boyfriend's?



> I knew a couple of women in real life who claimed they were doing that while "dating." Two women weren't getting any dates at all.


How long ago was.this happening? I can tell you this is popular in today's dating world. Women keep a FWB while dating casually (non sexually), then get rid of the FWB when the discussion of exclusivity or commitment pops up with someone they are dating. It seems like the natural response to dealing with the abundance of men interested in only FWB relationships.


----------



## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

NextTimeAround said:


> To dovetail that, some women believe that this will set them apart from other women.


MANY men believe this as well. The whole what is her past conversation is nearly epic on here.


----------



## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Lila said:


> So these women were essentially cheating on their boyfriend's? Or they were contemplating it. I can see why a guy doesn't like dating a woman -especially when exclusive -- if they don't have sex.
> 
> 
> 
> How long ago was.this happening? I can tell you this is popular in today's dating world. Women keep a FWB while dating casually (non sexually), then get rid of the FWB when the discussion of exclusivity or commitment pops up with someone they are dating. It seems like the natural response to dealing with the abundance of men interested in only FWB relationships.


IT was about 15 year ago when I would see these women with regularity. One woman I lost touch with for a few years. A mutual friend caught up with her and learned that she had a baby with a nearly fly by night relationship of 6 months when she got pregnant. Apparently, the guy didn't have a pot to piss in as supposedly, they tried living together in her 1 bedroom apartment and it didn't work out. My friend said that fought unsupervised visiation tooth and nail. Very sad. All for what? She had a fertility scare.


----------



## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

Fortunately not all of us feel that way. Unfortunately some still do. I've always assumed it was insecurity - what if some other guy was "better" than me....





NobodySpecial said:


> MANY men believe this as well. The whole what is her past conversation is nearly epic on here.


----------



## Lila (May 30, 2014)

NextTimeAround said:


> IT was about 15 year ago when I would see these women with regularity. One woman I lost touch with for a few years. A mutual friend caught up with her and learned that she had a baby with a nearly fly by night relationship of 6 months when she got pregnant. Apparently, the guy didn't have a pot to piss in as supposedly, they tried living together in her 1 bedroom apartment and it didn't work out. My friend said that fought unsupervised visiation tooth and nail. Very sad. All for what? She had a fertility scare.


That sounds so sad. She must have missed the discussion on birth control for crying out loud.


----------



## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

NobodySpecial said:


> NextTimeAround said:
> 
> 
> > To dovetail that, some women believe that this will set them apart from other women.
> ...


 Truth! And not only that, if she shares with you that she has a lot of sexual experience, that means she is loose and will probably cheat because past behavior is the best indicator of future behavior. If she does it tell you about her past and you found out later, then she tricked you into marrying her and may as well have cheated. If she isn't a Virgin then she has less value. But if she is a Virgin then that probably means she is sexually repressed and won't want sex on command after marriage



That all makes perfect sense, doesn't it lol


----------



## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

NobodySpecial said:


> MANY men believe this as well. The whole what is her past conversation is nearly epic on here.


Not if they are lying about it. Then it will end up torpedoing there relationship in the long run.

It's funny correct me if I am wrong but you are very open about enjoying casual sex in your dating life right? I was one who pretty much has never had casual sex. But I think we completely on the same page that what's important is that you are honest with that with your potential mates so you make a good match. I never had a problem when I met girls like you 

I just knew we probably didn't think the same way about sex and that is a fine. I also remember you saying that you would never be interested in someone like me when you were dating. I got that a lot and I was fine with that. 

This is where these women go very wrong. It's kind of like self sabotage. Just be authentic, there are lots of men who just won't care, they may even like it. That is the guy you want, not the one who you have to lie to. In the end that is just going to continue to create problems because your foundation is not built on honesty.


----------



## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

I'm just annoyed by the sense of superiority these women have, including those who rarely get a date. It can manifest itself by assuming that other women are *****s.

Not to mention that I'm not big on out of wedlock births, especially when it's obvious that the woman only considered the guy a sperm donor.


----------



## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

some women do express fear that a guy may be using her for sex. But there are a lot of things that a guy could use a woman for. So not having sex with someone you're dating isn't going to preclude one's getting used.


----------



## notmyjamie (Feb 5, 2019)

uhtred said:


> Fortunately not all of us feel that way. Unfortunately some still do. I've always assumed it was insecurity - what if some other guy was "better" than me....


Which is so stupid because if he were so much better, she'd still be with him. My STBX has always referred to my ex (who I lived with and almost married) as Voldemort. He who shall not be named. This man has a lot of good qualities. And he was a great boyfriend for a long time, until his insecurities and fear of abandonment caused him to start mistreating me. The emotional abuse was horrific. My STBX knew all of these things and yet, still, after 25 years acted insecure about him. Stupid. I used to say "well, I married you and I dumped him so why are you worrying about it?" Of course, now I know I shouldn't have married either of them. LOL


----------



## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

sokillme said:


> Not if they are lying about it. Then it will end up torpedoing there relationship in the long run.
> 
> It's funny correct me if I am wrong but you are very open about enjoying casual sex in your dating life right? I was one who pretty much has never had casual sex. But I think we completely on the same page that what's important is that you are honest with that with your potential mates so you make a good match. I never had a problem when I met girls like you
> 
> ...


Yup. That is a lesson that anyone, anywhere, of any gender or none should go by. And don't.


----------



## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

In my 20s, I did date 2 guys at separate times. After 6 months I broke it off with one guy but he ended up stalking .....with the help of my family. I really do believe that my sister played informer since this guy was showing up in places that I only went to randomly.

Anyway, he accused me and I heard that he had said to others that I had "slept with half the men in the city." So that's a reason to stalk me?

the other guy I dated would just make rude remarks about women he dated in the past. I once said "well, you did date her." He said "yes. but everyone calls her a *****. And they call Mr."

I left that midwestern town. I really had to upgrade my dating standards and access a better applicant pool.


----------



## Lila (May 30, 2014)

NextTimeAround said:


> I'm just annoyed by the sense of superiority these women have, including those who rarely get a date. It can manifest itself by assuming that other women are *****s.
> 
> Not to mention that I'm not big on out of wedlock births, especially when it's obvious that the woman only considered the guy a sperm donor.


I just find the whole thing so weird. These women were waiting until marriage to have sex even in a committed relationship? And these were women who had no issues with sex per se right?


----------



## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Lila said:


> I just find the whole thing so weird. These women were waiting until marriage to have sex even in a committed relationship? And these were women who had no issues with sex per se right?


I felt it was more of a reaction to a quiet dating life. you know that idea that well, these men don't want me because I won't have sex with them. Since that is so, these men are dogs. Remember back in the 80s, it was just a vague "well, I have high standards. That's why I'm not dating."


----------



## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Well this thread derailed lol!


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

3Xnocharm said:


> Well this thread derailed lol!
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


Not totally. We have at least identified that men can use women for more reasons than jut easy sex.


----------



## john117 (May 20, 2013)

StillSearching said:


> A man that frequents TAM.


That's me 

Umm, on second thought... 

Sent from my SM-G970U using Tapatalk


----------



## TheDudeLebowski (Oct 10, 2017)

As long as he has a big package...


----------



## AVR1962 (May 30, 2012)

TheDudeLebowski said:


> As long as he has a big package...


I think men might believe this but I think for most women it goes beyond a big package. The man wants to know he can please his lady but sex is only part of the picture. I think another thing men feel the need to do is be a good provider, to a point that they are always working but for me this gets off-balance. People need quality time together so if one is working extreme hours and the other is sitting home reaping the benefits of the long hours it doesn't work for either party in my book. I personally thrive on:

Honesty
Integrity
Commitment
Common interests
Communication


----------



## TheDudeLebowski (Oct 10, 2017)

AVR1962 said:


> I think men might believe this but I think for most women it goes beyond a big package. The man wants to know he can please his lady but sex is only part of the picture. I think another thing men feel the need to do is be a good provider, to a point that they are always working but for me this gets off-balance. People need quality time together so if one is working extreme hours and the other is sitting home reaping the benefits of the long hours it doesn't work for either party in my book. I personally thrive on:
> 
> Honesty
> Integrity
> ...


Well I was joking. In case you couldn't tell by the video I posted of the um, interesting handshake Joey and Maz have.


----------



## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

NextTimeAround said:


> I felt it was more of a reaction to a quiet dating life. you know that idea that well, these men don't want me because I won't have sex with them. Since that is so, these men are dogs. Remember back in the 80s, it was just a vague "well, I have high standards. That's why I'm not dating."


If one can remember the 80s, they didn't do them right 😎😎😎😘😘😘


----------



## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

NobodySpecial said:


> In my dating life, I certainly have been exposed to *********gery, but I have dated a good number of genuine, honest, caring, wonderful people. I don't mean to slam, but I can't help wondering if the folks pointing fingers at all those other people out there that are like this don't attract and appeal to that in some way.


Haven't read the rest of the thread yet, but this stood out to me.

I would suppose that most people think they are great partners. Even the really bad ones. Always easier to blame the other party for why things come off the rails.

You could be partnered with the most well adjusted person on the planet, man, woman, whatever. They may very well be capable of taking responsibility, owning their stuff, and prepared to apologize when wrong ... but if the other individual in the relationship believes that they have been wronged and are owed an apology on their terms ... when in fact no wrong has actually been done, and even worse, has blind spots regarding their own 'stuff', then the quality of your partner doesn't matter. Your quality does. 

You want a great partner? You need to be a great partner.

To this end, I've spoken with my spouse at length. We are in agreement that we likely would have broken each other sexually, if we met in our 20's. We also never would have stayed together. Neither of us had yet 'balanced' the equation of what was required to be where we are today. 

I'd like to think that most of us can agree that relationships are almost never static, primarily because the people in them, aren't static.


----------

