# My husband left our bed, one month after our wedding



## Lilianrose (Oct 6, 2011)

My husband and I were married just last April 2011. We moved in together in late May after our leases had ended and by mid June 2011, he had left my bed. 
My husband and I have had arguments over Facebook ever since we married. I once had a Facebook account (encouraged by him) at the very beginning of our relationship until our very first issue erupted. A few days following our honeymoon, I decided to post our wedding pictures on my Facebook account. When I clicked on my husbands name, I saw a wall post that said that my husband had recently been to a night club with a girl. I found the pics that proved it was so. Sadly to say, it was the night when we returned from our honeymoon and he told me that he was headed to work. When I first found out, he denied the photos but silly boy, I saw his wedding ring in the photo (2 pics of him with a beer dancing with a young girl, 18. My husband is 39). His excuse was that his "friends" called and asked him to go out and celebrate. He didn't want to tell me cause he said he thought I would be upset. I told him that I knew he had friends and wouldn't keep him from these relationships just because we were married. And a few days later, he blocked me from viewing his Facebook account. That was the beginning of the end.
From the day he moved in, he would come home, head to his bathroom and then to the guest bedroom where he would spend the entire night on Facebook. He would come out to use the bathroom or have dinner but that was it. I went through this from the end of May 2011 to Nov 2011.
Since then we have argued about him getting rid of his account. Countless number of times he has said it was SOLEY for his photography hobby (finding models) but he hasn’t owned a camera since June 2011. His account was filled with 200+ women and maybe 3 guys (he has no male friends). I have found numerous msgs between he and women and, discovered just one month before our wedding he was going to meet up with a girl in FL. I had known he was going to do a photo-shoot but he never told me about meeting up with this girl. They had discussed traveling throughout Florida and even taking a diving course together. Did he tell me about his plans? NO. However, he had asked me to pay for his trip since at the time his business was failing. And this past Aug, he sent a msg to her on Facebook saying, “if you invite me, I will come visit you” (she lives on an island off the coast of Massachusetts. He told me that she was a “friend”. And he didn’t see why he needed to tell me about them meeting up last March. He said, he was going to meet up with her in Aug 2011 to take pictures of her and thought that he didn’t have to tell me about it. But there were no discussions via their Facebook chat about taking photos. He claims she is a really good friend. If that were the case, why did he give her his phone number on line last March and again in Aug. 
He made a comment to a 20 year old girl on Facebook saying that he thought her eyes were mysterious and that she should let him photograph her in gothic attire. I found his comment inappropriate. First, he didn’t own a camera and she was about 6 states away. At the time, he had no money and I was (and still am) paying all the bills (he has never paid for anything). Also, he had asked one girl on Facebook if she liked sushi and a movie. He claims he said this cause she was going to the movies with an acquaintance of theirs and this girl loved sushi. In Sept, he posted comments on a local photography blog where he had offered to give rides to people to an upcoming “night club holiday party” photo-shot. He never told me about this holiday party. Again, he has no camera and said, he just said that to get his name out there as a photographer. Really? For what reason, he doesn’t own a camera any more. Lastly, for what reason did he feel the need to post his phone number on Facebook and NOT disclose that he was in a relationship let alone marriage. Why hide his account from his wife? His rebuttal is that I’m jealous of the women because they are pretty. Hell, so am I! It has nothing to do with jealousy but more so a lack of respect on his part for our marriage and for me. I asked him to get rid of his Facebook account for months and he refused. I threatened to kick him out and he left to stay at a hotel one night. That very night, he was on Facebook talking to a girl. There were times when he would come home late at night without an explanation. When I would ask where he was, he would ignore me and head to his computer. But this is not the most troublesome aspect of our marriage. Yes, there is more.
My husband has not slept in our bed since June 2011. Yes, within weeks of moving in, he left our bed. We have not had sex or any form of intimacy. If there is a kiss exchanged between us, its initiated by me. He said its because he is depressed about his life and doesn’t have the mindset to be intimate in any way. Since he claimed it was depression, I asked him to see a therapist. But he refused.
Most of what he says to me about anything and everything is a lie. He doesn’t think I know but I do. So whatever he says, I find hard to believe. He hides his phone from me and has done so since we met. I have never touched or accessed his phone. And the only reason why I tried to see his Facebook account was because of his behavior. If you are on line for hours a day, until 2AM and you are not interested in being intimate with your wife but claim to be depressed, then something is wrong.

My husband has children from a previous marriage (they live with his ex wife) which was not a problem for me. But this summer, he spent no time with me, despite the fact that he was out of work for months. He always found time to be with his children (which I was happy about) but gave me no attention. To make matters worse, I bought a new car for him in July (again, he has no money) and he doesn’t even like for me to drive it. He didn’t want me to have a set of keys! So, I spent the entire summer working and going home to an empty apt or to find my husband on Facebook. I travel via public transportation 2 hours to work and 2 hours from work, 5 days a week because he has my car. One day, he saw me walking home with 3 grocery bags (1mile from the bus stop) and he didn’t even stop or beep as I passed his car just 10 feet away. I didn’t see him until he drove by me. He said, he was going to buy his son a game card. But why couldn’t he tell me to get in the car so he could give me a ride home? He said I made a big deal about it.

This may sound idiotic but we have been trying to work out our problems since Nov 2011. I urged him to see a counselor regarding his emotionally withdrawn behavior. Low and behold, he has been diagnosed with ADD. But does that excuse his past behavior? He seems to think so.
Is he doing better now? Well, he is faithfully taking his meds and is seeing a counselor which I’m happy about. His Facebook account is deactivated (not deleted) but that means nothing since I found out that he is on another social website (Windows live) with more women contacts. I’m not sure if he is active but he has again, made his account private when it had been public. What does that say about his progress? 
But there still remains no intimacy and yes, I sleep alone. 

Many times I wonder what he is doing, where he is going and if he is talking to someone that he shouldn’t. I couldn’t even leave to see my family for the holidays cause I was nervous that he’d have some woman over the apt. Its horrible to live your life being suspicious of your loved one especially when you are the sole provider and have to take care of them. A part of me doesn’t feel he deserves my help. I had to take on two jobs because of his failed financial commitments and am responsible for all of the household responsibilities. Its hard to take care of someone that you are angry with. And its hard to say good bye to someone that you love. 
Today, we got into an argument because I said that I found it hard to trust him again and that it’s a struggle for me everyday. He told me that this is all about me and that I think of myself. He has thought of himself for the past year by ignoring my feelings and the needs of our marriage. He said, I made his depression worse by saying that he does nothing for me and has never taken care of me (this is the truth). He said that my anger is pushing him away. He said I have a problem controlling my feelings and need to see a therapist cause I'm unsure if I can trust him again. I guess he expected me to not be upset with all of this. And I will admit that I’m full of anger (but I hide it) and distrust for him so it was easy for me to lash out at him months ago. But what do I do now? Is this marriage salvageable after all that? He said he doesn't think his behavior is an issue and that he is "innocent". Then why doesn't he wear his wedding ring. I asked him today and he found it odd that I was upset that he didn't wear it. 
Today, he threatened me by saying either I forgive him because he can’t change the past or, we move on. He does not recognize that I need time to learn to trust him again. But to be honest, I don’t know if I could ever trust him. 
I really need your help.


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## Jamison (Feb 10, 2011)

I have to ask this, WHY are you still married to this man?

He is showing you and has been showing you for a long time WHO he is. All of these things that are continuing to go on is because you are allowing it to. 

Once you decide you are worth more than to be treated like this, then you will move on, but not until.


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## Acorn (Dec 16, 2010)

Jamison said:


> I have to ask this, WHY are you still married to this man?
> 
> He is showing you and has been showing you for a long time WHO he is. All of these things that are continuing to go is because you are allowing it to.
> 
> Once to decide you are worth more than to be treated like this, then you will move on, but not until.


:iagree::iagree:


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## AgentD (Dec 27, 2010)

Red Flags are everywhere in this marriage. Its up to you if you choose to ignore them.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Jamison said:


> I have to ask this, WHY are you still married to this man?
> 
> He is showing you and has been showing you for a long time WHO he is. All of these things that are continuing to go on is because you are allowing it to.
> 
> Once you decide you are worth more than to be treated like this, then you will move on, but not until.


Yeah, dump this guy
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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