# Wedding rings? Where are they now?



## Notmetoo (Feb 24, 2013)

If you are in the process of R... Do you still have your rings? Do they symbol the better or worst? Or are they a painful reminder of the betrayal?


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

We still have ours, and wear them. For us, it is a symbol of our commitment to each other, not a reminder of betrayal.


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## totallyunexpected (Nov 21, 2012)

It's hidden away. I only wore it perhaps once every week or two - because it's very detailed and gold which doesn't match most of my earrings. However, now each time I consider wearing it, I shudder a bit and decide not to. Even though we are in R (though I'm not 100% committed to R). It's a reminder of the space between what was promised and what I learned to be the case. You?


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## HarryDoyle (Jan 19, 2013)

Still married, still wear them. WW says she never took it off.  We renewed our vows last month and we now wear bands on our right hands to symbolize a new start. I think taking them off would be counter productive and send the wrong message to the people who know about the A, including the OM, who my WW still runs into on occasion because she's a manager at a large retail store


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## Notmetoo (Feb 24, 2013)

Mine has never left my hand, however every time I see his I want to rip it off and squeeze his manhood through it and leave it where it can't be so easily removed at his convenience. I get so angry when I see it....I do find that mine feel meaningless to me too now. Like he betrayed my rings as well...


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## Hurtin_Still (Oct 3, 2011)

....I guess I can say I'm in R for +17 years ....and through the d-day ...the intense misery that immediately followed ....and the many years after that ...I never took off the wedding band. However...about 3 yrs ago I had a surgical procedure done ...and the hospital removes all jewelry from you in the event there is body swelling due to the anesthesia. Well ....one large bottle of KY applied to my finger and one teeny-tiny Asian nurse pulling with all her might (she was like 75 pounds soaking wet ...and went tumbling backwards about 10 feet when the ring finally came free) ....and the ring finally came off after 27 yrs of marriage.

...it's now in a cigar box on my dresser because I can't get it back on my finger.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Its just different for us after 22 years together today (March 23rd 1991).

After all the years of slapping and pushing her around and after all the years of her OM's (yes plural) it seem it never really was a marriage in the the first place.

Our rings are off, its only been 2 year since we have really been married ( March 26th 2011) was when both made the commitment to be married (renewed vows).........the rest of the time was just a bunch of crazy sh1t that young folks go thru and by the grace of God they can maturer together and raise there kids and hope they don't become mass murders'...

The rings ...................IDK!

just not part of the equation after 22 years..

Its been 3 years since I confronted her with her last OM and thats when I took mine off. She took hers off last year.

Phuck, mines to small, hers is to big with a loose setting...both rings need work but the reality is the work that really counts has nothing to do with metal and stone!!!!!!!!!!!


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## B1 (Jun 14, 2012)

I still wear mine. My wife is wearing a new one. Her old ones are in a jewelry box. We will probably replace mine too in the near future.


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## lovemylife26 (Mar 21, 2012)

At the Pawn Shop, we got new ones. Broken vows were made on them.


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## RWB (Feb 6, 2010)

At DD I ask her did she wear her rings when she went with AP to have sex? She looked down and cried again. "I would take them off before leaving the car. With the rings off, I wasn't married and wasn't cheating." All aboard the Crazy Train!

I took her rings and put them up. I told her she didn't have the right to wear them, our vows were torn forever. We did R but those rings are no more. Just like those vows.

A couple years in, She asked if I would by her a simple gold band. I ordered one on-line. She mentioned the thought of a re-dedication with a preacher that I'm friends with. I was like seriously? 

I will never wear a ring again, but that's just me.


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## TimesOfChange (Mar 20, 2013)

Once i found out that my wife cheated on me, i took her ring from her. I kept her ring with mine together on my dog tag.
Right now i'm not wearing it, her mother took my wedding ring from me lol (more details in my thread).
At times i catch myself thinkin, "damn where is my wedding ring, i've lost it" but than i realize that it's been taken from me.
I don't know, it's automated :scratchhead:.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Maricha75 said:


> We still have ours, and wear them. For us, it is a symbol of our commitment to each other, not a reminder of betrayal.


I think the commitment is the attitude we now have toward each other. Its now that we both have the capacity to be bad, our focus is on meeting each others ring.

The ring I were is more emotional then the metal and stone!

Granted I love the symbolism. if our rings were fixed I think we would wear them. I think these day fixing our rings is more of a want then a need financially speaking..

Emotionally speaking its how we behave and respect each other and turning away the capacity to bunch each other in the heart...lituray and fugitively!


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## Notmetoo (Feb 24, 2013)

For those that view the rings as your commitment to each other, how far out of Dday are you? Did you view them the same immediately afterwards? WH is completely repentant - but that ring! We are approaching 4 months since Dday so I realize we are early in the game.


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## snap (Oct 3, 2011)

I made her a ring once, not the wedding band but a nice titanium one she wore often. Took me nearly a week to finish it.

One bad day I made her take it off and squashed it with a hammer. Took a few hits to bend it, it was strong little bast*rd. She stood there crying while I was swinging the hammer. She still keeps it in her jewelry box.

The wedding bands, yes, we still wear them.


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## MrMathias (Nov 19, 2012)

Interesting question, I just made an artwork yesterday that included an image of my DW's ring. 

When the affair was discovered there was a LOT of talk about rings, symbolism, marriage, vows, commitment, etc. Rings came off at some point after she couldn't answer what they meant to her, I switched to an older one my DW gave me that I had repaired- that caused some problems, and I went back to the regular band. DW didn't wear hers for about a week, and said she was waiting for me to ask her to wear it again, I was to give permission or something. 

Then, Dday2 drops after four months of FalseR. I realized at that point any vows made, her promises not to hurt me again, and the symbolism of the rings, was utterly worthless. She was wearing it when she had sex with POSOM, so what's the point of wearing it at all, ever? The gleam of that diamond on her finger didn't do a damn thing to break the rapture she was feeling as she ran that hand through OM's hair or over his body. 

I gave my band back to her without fanfare shortly after Dday2, I can't imagine any circumstance in which I would wear it again. She's still wearing hers, and never really stopped, which I find astounding. Suddenly it means something to her again, or perhaps she's simply too attached to it? 

To me, the rings just represent false security and trust in shallow vows, and even worse, later promises not to betray again.


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## jim123 (Sep 29, 2012)

Your ring was given to you by the Mrs. as her symbol of her love and fedility.

The ring she wears was from you as your symbol.

Just a point.

I hope you are well Dr.


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## badbane (Jun 9, 2012)

Me personally I never really took much stock in rings. Rings are just objects and mean nothing. My wife wears her ring constantly. And she made a comment about my ring and I just laughed. The whole " you need a ring on your finger to show that you are taken." No you don't if you are married and you are out with your wife. It is going to be pretty obvious that you and your wife are together. I mean it isn't like you hold hands or stand right next to some random woman. If you think a ring is some kind of magical ward against A's how many cheaters cheat while wearing the ring. IMHO the exchanging of rings is not in any part of the bible. Heck weddings aren't even in the bible. well the weddings as we know them today. I mean why do you need a 10,000 dollar dress for a single event? easy it is called commercialism. Weddings and rings and all those things mean nothing. It is the trust, commitment, and sacrifice that goes into a marriage that makes it work.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

RWB said:


> At DD I ask her did she wear her rings when she went with AP to have sex? She looked down and cried again. "I would take them off before leaving the car. With the rings off, I wasn't married and wasn't cheating." All aboard the Crazy Train!
> 
> I took her rings and put them up. I told her she didn't have the right to wear them, our vows were torn forever. We did R but those rings are no more. Just like those vows.
> 
> ...


It really doesn't mean as much for the both of us anymore. I know I won't wear one and i suspect she won't wear one either. Its just not that symbolic. It more about know our capacity to hurt each other and avoiding that versus some symbolic meaning.

Its weird, we could drop each other in a drop of a hat, but yet we maintain this respect that shows each other that the pain we both have to offer is not healthy. Life is alot better pleasing each other then wearing a symbol.

IDK...it all different now!


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## RWB (Feb 6, 2010)

the guy said:


> *IDK...it all different now!*


TG,

That about sums it up when you R with your cheating spouse. Better? Worse? No, more like confusing, considering where and what you have been through. But... more correctly as you say... *Different. *


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## Robsia (Mar 11, 2013)

Me finding his wedding ring in his bedside drawer was the thing that made me go searching for other evidence. He told me later he took it off whenever we were not together.

Now he wears it, but on his other hand. I don't wear mine at all. I won't wear mine until we have recommitted to each other.

For me the rings are very important. They are an outward symbol of your total commitment to each other.

As soon as he took that ring off his finger, he was rejecting that commitment. He was able to pretend he had no wife.


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## geek down (May 10, 2012)

cash for gold. Used the money to buy dumbbells to work out and get a revenge body...

I highly recommend it!!


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

sitting in my jewellery box waiting to be sold. I keep forgetting about them


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## SaltInWound (Jan 2, 2013)

Ours are being held hostage like the rest of my belongings. Or maybe he lost them in a poker bet.

My plan, once the [email protected] either gives me permission to enter the house, or he gets the [email protected] to move from the safety of a foreign country, is to find those [email protected] rings and smash them with a hammer, then toss them in a field somewhere.

The wedding bands were el cheapo. Mine brand new was $25. His was $35. Maybe they are worth enough to buy a Happy Meal. My engagement ring is an interesting story. About 2 years after we got married, my FIL approached me and said his brother (FIL brother) wanted to be repaid the $700 my husband borrowed from him to buy my engagement ring. I told him I don't pay for my own engagement ring. So, the cheap [email protected] never paid for my ring. My guess is that ring is worth nothing. He probably blew $600 on his hidden gambling addiction and spent the other $100 on a cubic zirconia. If he were half a man, he would have stood at a redlight begging people in cars so that he could have gotten me a proper ring. Instead, he made me think he bought all he could afford. Yeah, that day, even the sentimental value was lost. 

They say the guideline for an engagement ring is 3 months salary. If that is the case, then today, he would be buying me a ring worth $30,000. That is what I would expect, and nothing less. It is my self worth. I would view it, not as unity, because that faithful, love you more than life and want to be with you forever sh!t doesn't exist. The ring would symbolize an investment toward financing my exit plan.

Why am I so angry today?


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## Robsia (Mar 11, 2013)

^It used to be one month. When did that change then?


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## SaltInWound (Jan 2, 2013)

Robsia said:


> ^It used to be one month. When did that change then?


I don't know. I heard it on of the major jeweler's commercial many years ago. All I remember thinking was that was a ridiculous guideline. Even at 1 month's salary, my husband cheaped out on me.


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## Robsia (Mar 11, 2013)

I did ok, if it's a month.

I would be sorely tempted to sell it, except that the setting is a ruby and diamonds and I have promised to leave it to my daughter Ruby when I die - as she loves it so much, and it's the same as her name.

And, if we manage to R, it still has a lot of sentimental value to me, so it would be nice to wear it again.


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