# Marriage counseling by myself?



## khsm

Is this possible? I have my first session friday and it's by myself, My husband(?) isn't into the whole "someone telling me how to live my life" type of person. What should I expect? We split up on Saturday and I'm going crazy, I miss my husband. I want to work things out, I'm going to counseling for myself and for this marriage. But at the same time I feel like we should "atleast" try to go together right?


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## mary35

Yes, if you are trying to do marriage counseling it works better if both spouse's are willing to work together on the marriage. However, you would probably benefit greatly from some individual counselling to get your head on straight and work on your own issues. Once you become stronger and have figured out things better, if you still want to try to work on your marriage you can try to convince him to attend with you. The fact is you cant make your husband do counseling, so for now just work on you. Perhaps if he sees positive changes in you, he may be more willing to go with you in the future.


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## Ynot

Don't consider it marriage counseling. Consider it individual counseling. Your counselor should listen to what you have to say and offer some techniques to use to achieve what you desire. Depending on the outcome of your efforts they should be able to help you determine your next course of action.
One of the best things about counseling is that your counselor should ask you questions which force you to listen to yourself. Hopefully they will ask you the uncomfortable questions that you are not able to ask yourself and thus never forced to think of the answers. If you feel the least bit uncomfortable with the questions or your answers, this is where you really need to start paying attention.
Hopefully you will be going to an outcomes based counselor who will offer suggestions based on reported outcomes rather than one who has a preset agenda. One of the things you may find out (if your counselor is really counseling) is that the marriage cannot be saved. That is always a possible outcome. But too many counselors and counselees are too worried about saving the marriage to truly consider what is best for the individual. Thus you have couples and individuals shamed into to staying together just so the counselor can keep his "batting average" higher.


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## Kraquin

I went by myself a couple times a month for about 7 months because my wife wouldn't go. It had unexpected benefits in that I learned about as much about myself as I did my marriage. Also there was a long term residual effect in that I kept learning new things as I replayed the sessions in my head. I quit going because it got to the point where I needed my wife to go and was just spinning my wheels without her.


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## SunnyT

I went by myself. I think I only went once or twice.... ex was invited but he said no because he didn't have a problem. He said, if there is any problem in the marriage it was mine. 

It was good to go by myself. It was good to vent, get it out...... and she told me what I needed to hear. I stopped going because I didn't need it. She told me to figure out what I needed to do and then figure out how to do it.... so that is what I did. 


It's worth a go anyway.


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## Unicus

"Marriage therapy" by ones self is also called "Pre divorce therapy"...(see also: One hand clapping).


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## Piper502

I've gone by myself about six times now. It's helped me to put things in perspective. I'm still working on taking to my husband about issues. But I'm getting there. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Pinksapphire

It is helpfully even if your spouse doesn't go.


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## turnera

By all means, go anyway. You'll be surprised at how helpful it is.


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## MJJEAN

I wouldn't consider it marriage counseling because the therapist is only getting my half of the story. I'd really consider it individual counseling related to problems I am having in my marriage.


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## Cletus

The best thing about marriage counseling is that an impartial third party gets to call bull**** on both of you, when necessary.

You won't get that with only one of you attending. Your viewpoint will weigh heavier with the counselor, since it's the only one she's hearing. That won't help you fix a broken system.


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## MarriedAHooker

khsm said:


> Is this possible? I have my first session friday and it's by myself, My husband(?) isn't into the whole "someone telling me how to live my life" type of person. What should I expect? We split up on Saturday and I'm going crazy, I miss my husband. I want to work things out, I'm going to counseling for myself and for this marriage. But at the same time I feel like we should "atleast" try to go together right?


working on yourself first is recommended


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## UnicornCupcake

In your case, it doesn't sound like there is a marriage to even counsel? You've split up and until he doesn't want to be split up counseling is futile.

I'm starting solo sessions very soon, too! At first, my husband was against MC. It took a HUGE fight (and me almost out the door) for him to agree to come. Then I decided I'm not even sure I want him there. I got to thinking that most of "our" issues are my issues. He says (and this is what I struggle to believe) that he's pretty happy. So I figured, maybe I'll just go do me for awhile. See if I can put some of my personal issues to bed first.

I don't think solo sessions are bad I think you just need to be a little more honest with marriage counsling for what it is when you're split up.


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