# Is this a good idea??



## working_together (Oct 16, 2011)

The St. Patrick's parade is on Sunday. I would like the kids to see it, it would be their first parade experience. I can't take them alone, I would worry about my little guy running away since he's only 4. I was thinking of asking my stbxh if he would want to join us. Remember there is no chance of R. 

What do people think? I don't want to confuse the kids either.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Well activities with all of you together are going to happen in the future, and you gotta start someday, so perhaps it's not so bad.

down the road you're going to have school plays, recitals, sporting events, weddings where you all will be there together. This is just the first of many.

the really hard part is when one or both you have new partners that want to come along.


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## Mamatomany (Jan 10, 2012)

How old are your other ones? I take my 8,6,4 yr olds out by myself. Don't get me wrong, I am exhausted when I do it and prefer to have another person w/ me but I put it to the others " help me out so we can have fun" then I may even bribe them w/ something (even if it's a game of Uno when we get home).


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

I dunno. Are you sure you just dont' want to hang out with him?

Learn to do things by yourself with the kids. The 4 year old is old enough to learn to stay by you. Maybe have a friend go with you. Or just tell your children to stay together. They have to learn how to behave in public as well.


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

that_girl said:


> I dunno. Are you sure you just dont' want to hang out with him?
> 
> Learn to do things by yourself with the kids. The 4 year old is old enough to learn to stay by you. Maybe have a friend go with you. Or just tell your children to stay together. They have to learn how to behave in public as well.


i agree with this.
take a girlfriend along with you.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

get a kid leash


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

Almostrecovered said:


> get a kid leash


true, good idea.


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## working_together (Oct 16, 2011)

that_girl said:


> I dunno. Are you sure you just dont' want to hang out with him?
> 
> Learn to do things by yourself with the kids. The 4 year old is old enough to learn to stay by you. Maybe have a friend go with you. Or just tell your children to stay together. They have to learn how to behave in public as well.


I think you're probably right, I need to take them out alone as well. I just worry in a mob, ya know. 

My kids don't always behave, they're what you call "spirited", or "spunky"......take after their mom

It's not about stbx, I don't want to hang out with him.


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## working_together (Oct 16, 2011)

The leash sounds like a good idea, although my son would scream bloody murder.

It's really a tough call, but in the end I will bring either my sister, or a girl friend.

In three months my daughter's b-day will become an issue, we usually have summer b-day parties for the kids with friends and family. Stbxh said he would like to attend...I didn't invite him. I told him "we'll see, but no g/f".....duh, I don't want him bringing her around the kids for a while. I can't control that forever, but for the next few months anyway. I know she's going to become a perminent fixture in his life, but I'm not ready for it...yep, my issue, and my insecurity with my kids being around another woman, then coming home and talking about how great she is. grrrrr

And that's where I'm at today.


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## sd212 (Feb 24, 2012)

I'm still hanging out with my stbxw and the kids on a regular basis. We have a night a week every week that we all spend time together. I'm grieving and it is not good for me. For the kids, I'm torn on that. I wonder about what message they are getting. They have no clue she has a new man and little ones probably think everything is OK.

I tell myself I do it for the kids only but I admit that I am happiest when we are all together. This is a really hard thing for me. I would really like to know what a family therapist would say about it. If it is screwing with the kids perceptions of what is really happening, if it is preventing us from moving on, etc.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

It all depends on the situation whether or not to hang with the ex. I personally think Working should leave her ex alone for a while and stop trying to reach out. That's just my opinion though...and we all know opinions are like buttholleess


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## Jayb (Mar 6, 2012)

sd212 said:


> I'm still hanging out with my stbxw and the kids on a regular basis. We have a night a week every week that we all spend time together. I'm grieving and it is not good for me. For the kids, I'm torn on that. I wonder about what message they are getting. They have no clue she has a new man and little ones probably think everything is OK.
> 
> I tell myself I do it for the kids only but I admit that I am happiest when we are all together. This is a really hard thing for me. I would really like to know what a family therapist would say about it. If it is screwing with the kids perceptions of what is really happening, if it is preventing us from moving on, etc.


I'm in sorta the same boat except, there is no OM. My task now is to detach, enjoy it for what it is, rather than hope and pray that our togetherness as a family (NEVER was an issue) knocks sense into her.

I have heard both sides of this. In your case, if/when you stop doing this, won't the kids, your stbxw, blame you, or hold it against you that what was once routine, daddy isn't into anymore. And somehow lessen your commitment and influence?

I'm thinking through this....


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## working_together (Oct 16, 2011)

that_girl said:


> It all depends on the situation whether or not to hang with the ex. I personally think Working should leave her ex alone for a while and stop trying to reach out. That's just my opinion though...and we all know opinions are like buttholleess


Does it seem like I'm reaching out??? I didn't even realize I was.


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## working_together (Oct 16, 2011)

So, I phoned my sister and asked her to come with me. Ex has called a few times today to ask me to pack certain things for the kids for the weekend, so I told him I am taking kids to parade, he wanted to join, I said "I don't think it's a good idea right now", he accepted it.


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