# Wife want to go on vacation with her friend after we just had a baby together



## wantittowork!

My wife and I have been together for about seven years now and married for going on three years. We've had our ups and downs but have always been able to find a compromise unroll now. We have a five month old baby at home first and only). We normally would go on vacation every year and this year she wants to plan a vacation with her best friend she rarely sees as well as every year. I told her I think we are a family now and should go on vacations together. Every year the three of use (my wife, kid and I) should go on vacation first. Then if there is time and money maybee then she could go on a girls trip (just her and her friend) every now and then. My wife says she doesn't want to stop having adventures around the world with her friend. I told her I'm not trying to keep her from her friends but her family should come first. She's got to travel with her friend all the time before we got married and started a family (that we planned). I'm mostly disappointed and hurt she no longer has the views as a I do for a family. I think when our kid gets older then it would be more acceptable for a girls trip out of town. As for now I think we should first do a family trip then a mom and dad trip. This way we can connect as a family and my wife and I can still have us time as well. I told her to have her friend come here and they just go out on the town for a girls nigh while I watch our kid.She says I'm trying to be controlling and not fair... I don't want to get divorced and split our family up but think the three of us should come first before everyone else. Am I beeing crazy here and making a big deal over nothing or am I right? What's your thoughts on this? If I'm not crazy how can I get her to understand? I'm at a loss for what to do or say....


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## GTdad

How I would react would depend on how long the trip is for, especially if I had a 5 month old to care of solo (does she breast feed? I'm assuming she's not taking the baby) and where our finances stood, but honestly dude, my wife and I periodically have taken a trip without the other and it's not the end of the world. I really think you're overreacting when you start tossing out the D word over this.

As long as it's not too often, and you have the same freedom to take an occasional trip alone or with friends, this isn't striking me as beyond the pale.


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## frusdil

How long will she be away for? I couldn't bear to leave my baby for even a night I don't think lol.


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## toblerone

I guess I'm old fashioned or whatever but a woman planning vacations when she has a five month old baby seems really odd to me.

When is she exactly planning on taking this vacation, how long?

I mean, I guess it is obvious she's not breastfeeding.

I hate to be alarmist but, this doesn't sit right with me.


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## bandit.45

I think its weird. But then again, women these days are different in how they view their priorities, especially now that men are participants in the childcare more than they used to be.


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## Edmund

wantittowork! said:


> My wife and I have been together for about seven years now and married for going on three years. We've had our ups and downs but have always been able to find a compromise unroll now. We have a five month old baby at home first and only). We normally would go on vacation every year and this year she wants to plan a vacation with her best friend she rarely sees as well as every year. I told her I think we are a family now and should go on vacations together. Every year the three of use (my wife, kid and I) should go on vacation first. Then if there is time and money maybee then she could go on a girls trip (just her and her friend) every now and then. My wife says she doesn't want to stop having adventures around the world with her friend. I told her I'm not trying to keep her from her friends but her family should come first. She's got to travel with her friend all the time before we got married and started a family (that we planned). I'm mostly disappointed and hurt she no longer has the views as a I do for a family. I think when our kid gets older then it would be more acceptable for a girls trip out of town. As for now I think we should first do a family trip then a mom and dad trip. This way we can connect as a family and my wife and I can still have us time as well. I told her to have her friend come here and they just go out on the town for a girls nigh while I watch our kid.She says I'm trying to be controlling and not fair... I don't want to get divorced and split our family up but think the three of us should come first before everyone else. Am I beeing crazy here and making a big deal over nothing or am I right? What's your thoughts on this? If I'm not crazy how can I get her to understand? I'm at a loss for what to do or say....


You are not crazy, you are 100% correct. Her wild single days are over and she needs to grow up and accept it.


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## chillymorn69

This is what cheaters say!


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## wantittowork!

Thanks for all of your opinions. This helps give me a little more clarity.


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## naiveonedave

I can't fathom my W abandoning our 1st born when he was 1 year, let alone 5 months. Also, sounds like she wants to live the party life, but sorry that slowed when she said "I do" and stopped when she got preggers.

Are you sure she want to go with the girl she says is? Kind of a potential cheater red flag. Even if the other girl is single, she is going to have to play 'wingman'.


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## JayDee7

I had a similar situation come up once, and only once.
I was in the other room drinking beer with all the men and my wife was in the kitchen with all the women at our Home one night. I overheard the women talking about planning a girls trip to a beach in Mexico, no men, in a few months.
I didn’t feel comfortable with it, her going on vacation with a bunch of divorcees out of the country. We also usually go on vacation together without the kids once per year and have a family vacation once per year, so there really is no time for separate individual vacations. She didn’t bring it up, so I told her this year let’s take a trip alone to NY City then up to Niagra Falls, it’ll be romantic and fun to be together alone. She asked when I told her the same month that I overheard the women saying. She said she’d have to think about it. Days passed and I asked again if I should book it and she came out and said she was thinking about going on the girls trip that month and maybe we should save money and not go on our trip since her girls trip plus another couple vacation is over spending. Nice job on the save money aspect, like she cares, when only she would spend money and I’d get no vacation. I said I don’t the like the idea of her drinking all day wearing a bikini on the beach on an exotic resort when I’m not there. She promised she would not drink too much and would only wear a one piece. So I came back and said that sounds great for her but I still want a vacation. I said go on the trip I will get the guys together, the divorced single guys, to plan a trip to Las Vegas the same time my wife is on her girls trip, that way we both get an adult vacation. She asked why just the single guys and I told her because married men don’t go on vacations without their wife’s usually, it’s just selfish. But since she was going on a trip to an exotic beach with a bunch of divorcees and one or two other married women I would go to Las Vegas with the guys. 
Her next question was, what dates should I request off for the NY trip? She didn’t pursue it anymore and she had a great time alone with me on the trip. She even called out her married friends for being selfish and going on a trip like that without their husbands. She has never asked again for a girls trip. I’m not opposed to it, but I’d rather she not leave the country and I’d rather we take our vacation time together, but if she wanted to I’d be fine with it but I’m going to Las Vegas with the guys. Funny how she has not ever brought up a girls trip again.


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## TheDudeLebowski

The only thing that is odd is the timing. We had our kids 14 months apart. She didn't want to leave them until our youngest was over 2 years old. Had to practically beg her for some alone time with her. At five months, I would be worried she isn't good mother material. Definitely strange from my experiences. Including friends, family, and my own experience. Most new moms get sick at the thought of leaving their baby. I don't know a man or husband who didn't have to practically beg his wife for some alone time together when she's a new mom.


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## Yeswecan

wantittowork! said:


> My wife and I have been together for about seven years now and married for going on three years. We've had our ups and downs but have always been able to find a compromise unroll now. We have a five month old baby at home first and only). We normally would go on vacation every year and this year she wants to plan a vacation with her best friend she rarely sees as well as every year. I told her I think we are a family now and should go on vacations together. Every year the three of use (my wife, kid and I) should go on vacation first. Then if there is time and money maybee then she could go on a girls trip (just her and her friend) every now and then. My wife says she doesn't want to stop having adventures around the world with her friend. I told her I'm not trying to keep her from her friends but her family should come first. She's got to travel with her friend all the time before we got married and started a family (that we planned). I'm mostly disappointed and hurt she no longer has the views as a I do for a family. I think when our kid gets older then it would be more acceptable for a girls trip out of town. As for now I think we should first do a family trip then a mom and dad trip. This way we can connect as a family and my wife and I can still have us time as well. I told her to have her friend come here and they just go out on the town for a girls nigh while I watch our kid.She says I'm trying to be controlling and not fair... I don't want to get divorced and split our family up but think the three of us should come first before everyone else. Am I beeing crazy here and making a big deal over nothing or am I right? What's your thoughts on this? If I'm not crazy how can I get her to understand? I'm at a loss for what to do or say....


No sir. You are on target. Family first. If times allow W can go a day or two with friend. That is not controlling. That is normal behavior. At least in my world. Specifically if a kid is involved.


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## Yeswecan

frusdil said:


> How long will she be away for? I couldn't bear to leave my baby for even a night I don't think lol.


My W, the first time we went on a trip together sans our kids, texted and called just about ever hour on the hour checking up on them. Our kids were 6 or 7 at the time. It is odd a mother wants to disappear for days from a infant.


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## GusPolinski

I’d tell her to go.

I’d also tell her to be sure to pack up all of her **** and take it with her.
@Edmund and @JayDee7 are both correct.


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## Parttimehippie

It takes a while sometimes to get used to the mom life, and that you simply cannot pack up and go have fun anymore. And sometimes, it's hard to feel good about yourself when you have spit-up on your shirt, and dark circles under your eyes. 
But, we all adjust and learn to live with our new identity. As far as going on a trip, most of us mom's would not leave a baby that young but for a night (if that). If she's still nursing, it makes it all the more difficult to enjoy any activity without stopping to pump. Even so, we do need to go have fun on occasion, and it's good for dad's to share baby duties. I would compromise for an afternoon or an evening out with her friend. She will probably realize how much she misses baby and wonders why she thought going on a trip was ever a good idea.


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## TheDudeLebowski

I do go on backpacking trips solo, but I don't know if many would consider it a vacation. Its actually a lot of hard work and beating up your body. Its more of a challenge. 

Also the one about the wife going to Mexico, shoot, its nothing but people hooking up down there. That is the whole reason for a ladies only trip or guys only trip to mexico. They go to get wasted and get some strange. That is the reason you go to Cancun and places like that.


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## MyRevelation

TheDudeLebowski said:


> I do go on backpacking trips solo, but I don't know if many would consider it a vacation. Its actually a lot of hard work and beating up your body. Its more of a challenge.
> 
> Also the one about the wife going to Mexico, shoot, its nothing but people hooking up down there. That is the whole reason for a ladies only trip or guys only trip to mexico. They go to get wasted and get some strange. That is the reason you go to Cancun and places like that.


I learned this the hard way.

wantittowork ... DON'T BE ME!!!


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## SunCMars

Being with your spouse is self-limiting.
Being without your spouse is self-challenging.


Pressure is evident in both states of 'being'.

With the second state of being with no spouse, the pressure of, "Can I get away with it", is lessened. 

The pressure of in-your-face illicit opportunity offsets the pressure of saying no.

She may not intend to cheat but when 'some' delicious opportunity comes within arms reach she may fold. bend over.
Being in the wrong place at the right time for infidelity.

......................................................................................................................................

Me? I would let her go. I would.
But, I would never look at her the same.
And i would never trust her again.
......................................................................................................................................

Now, this is how my wife viewed my many deployments to exotic places. The fact that I was In the mountains, the jungle, the desert, the winter landscapes, the forests, never was considered.

Oh, I did visit American and European cities on occasion. Jealousy and distrust is simply not rational, it is heartfelt.

........................................................................................................................

In my case it was part of my job as a Army Reservist.
In your wife's case it is a conscious decision to break free for a short time. It does not mean that she will go wild.

.......................................................................................................................

Tell her that you are worried that she will be pressured to do things a married women should not do.

She will likely say that you are controlling or are way off base.

Tell her, OK, go, have fun.

Cross your fingers and hope for the best. Mexico is not a safe place. They should pick some other place. Oh, well.


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## growing_weary

I wouldn't go on a girls trip with a five month old at home. I don't think I could bear leaving a baby, I can barely leave my cat for a few days.

That said, the last one I went on everyone was married except for one woman and we just drank champagne, cooked food, enjoyed the beach and went out to a couple nice restaurants in Turks and Caicos. It was fine, just a long weekend too so not too crazy.


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## 269370

She might have post natal depression. Some women do crazy **** after giving birth. There’s a medical reason for it.


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## BigDigg

W2W: Have any details on where she wants to go and for how long? Could make a big difference in how to interpret the request. Also depends a bit on your wife and where she's at with dealing with all these changes. Does she show any signs of depression? Signs of being overwhelmed or regret? As TheDudeLebowski said going on a girls trip to Cancun is really different than going to a local city for a show and some spa time.

I generally think it's a good thing to allow our spouses space and a little Mom release could be a good thing given everything going on for her in the last 18mo. On the other hand it definitely triggers some alerts here as it's very unusual for a new Mom to want to leave their kid that soon. Whatever mommy bonding/hormone thing there is pretty strong and I couldn't pry my wife away for years after our kids were born. Never had any friends do that either...


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## wantittowork!

I'm not looking to keep her from her friends. I agree we should be allowed a day/night out with friends without the spouse. I even offered her a compromise to her friend coming out here and they go out for a day or night without me. "That isn't the same" was her response. My friend is lonely. I told her as harsh as it sounds that's her friends fault and not our problem. Her friend has made the choices to lead her to where she is today. We shouldn't have to be burdened with that. Her friend is welcome here for vacations to stay but we both need to put the three of us first (wife,kid and I).

She has showed signs of depression after our child was born, but I assumed she got through that. I tried to be there for her during that time, but she told me she didn't want to talk about it and I was wrong. So I didn't push and just tried to make life as easy as possible for her.Her and I both have a lot of stress from both of our jobs. She's always working at work and home, which does not give her much of time to herself. I try to spend most of my time when home from work watching our kid so she can do her paperwork for work. TV is her escape so for the most part I try to allow her to pick what we watch.

Her birthday is coming up next month and I even offered to take her to the Grand Canyon with our kid for the day. This is something out of town but not too far. I figured sinse she has been wanting to go back, this would be a win win. She said she didn't want that. As crazy as it sounds one of my brothers is a karaoke jockey and she asked him to throw her a party at the bar he does this at. Also this night would take place on a weeknight when most of her friends would not be able to attend.
We've got to the point where there is tension between us from this topic. I've spoke with her last weekend and she agree's we have an issue that needs to be fixed. We agree we don't want a childhood like we had for our kid, where our parents couldn't resolve their issues so they just got divorced. 
I've spoke with my best friend who knows us both very well and he basically says the same as all of you. I normally am pretty good at solving issues and heck even giving her what makes her happy (within reason). However this has me at a loss. I'm scared to heck that if I can not get this through to her we will be done and I will loose my family... This is a huge red flag for me. I also don't want to be only a part time dad and I'm sure she would get custody if things got real ugly.


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## FrenchFry

I would have absolutely _killed_ for a trip with me and my best friend in those early days of babyhood if we could have afforded it. I was exhausted, felt like a milk machine and nobody would talk to me anymore, just the baby and about baby stuff. It was one of the most difficult times of my life, honestly. I love being a mom but babyhood and the extreme loss of identity really, really took it out of me. Not to mention the guilt trips about leaving him. 

At the same time, I would have committed double-murder if my husband offered a trip, just him and I with out the baby. In my opinion, we put too much emphasis on being a "family," and forgot for a long time how to be a "husband and wife," and I was feeling that loss more acutely than anything else at that time. 


So, a good way to know where you stand: offer a counter-offer if able: No baby, you and your wife go to Mexico for a long weekend. If I could do it all over again, I would take way more trips away right now when care is a matter of comfort and safety, not a huge consideration of comfort/saftey/school logistics/money/kid actually appreciates travel and wants to go etc.

Also, be careful playing that tit-for-tat game. I would absolutely trade three days with my girlfriends on a beach if my husband wanted to do three days in Las Vegas without a second thought. My only limitation would be: please be sure to have a bail money account and I will be sure to give the number to the embassy in case of extradition.


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## wantittowork!

Also the time would be a week or two.


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## Noble1

Do you have any idea where she wants to go with her friend and for how long?

A long weekend at her "home town" hanging with the friend at the friends house is much different than a week long trip to Las Vegas/Mexico/etc.

Sounds like she is drawing a line in the sand and wants what she wants.

Hope the two of you can work this out and get back to working on the family.

Good luck.


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## FrenchFry

In these five months, have you and your wife done anything as a husband and wife without the baby?

I wouldn't assume she got through post-partum depression at all. It took me a full two years after stopping nursing to feel normal. 

In those days, my husband and I traded weekends. One weekend, I get to go to a show with my friends, next weekend he would go to a show with his friends. The week after, we went to a show together.


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## sokillme

I would have an issue with it.

Do you and your wife take trips together? Do you go on trips with your friends without her?


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## wantittowork!

@FrenchFry
I offered that vacation about me and the wife (no kid) come this summer if we could afford it. That was discussed about a month before she came to me about her friend.


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## wantittowork!

@sokillme
Yes we go on vacations every year just the two of us. I do not take vacations with just my friends. I rarely see my friends. At the most I would spend a day in town with my friends without her and that is rare now.


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## wantittowork!

@FrenchFry 
What would be your approach to this?


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## Middle of Everything

wantittowork! said:


> Also the time would be a week or two.


Two weeks? 

With a five month old? 

She's either still depressed or just not great mother material.


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## Diana7

There is no way that I would have left my children when they were small. There is also no way that I would go away for a week or two with a group of women, most of whom were divorced. 

I don't think its to do with depression.When you are severely depressed the last thing you can think about is planning for a holiday.
You can barely manage day to day life.

You would know it if she was suffering from post natal depression. 

I am with you, planning a holiday for the three of you is what families do.


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## chillymorn69

This is a giant $hit test!

Tell her your not comfortable with it and you will be calling a lawyer when shes in mexico!


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## FrenchFry

I...don't know. I need more information, maybe.

Where does your wife want to travel with her friend? I see that it is a week or two, where would they go? What would they do? What have they done in the past?

What are the logistics of your wife doing so? Do you have childcare and all other covered if one or both of you is not there for a week?

Financially, what does this look like? If you both took trips of equal measure, could you afford it? 

What is your wife's mindset on family, life and what that looks like? What is your wife's personality like?

If you took a hardline stance like @GusPolinski, how would your wife react? How about the idea of two different trips--what is your prediction?


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## FrenchFry

The thing is, with all of these people telling you "I would never," well...your wife clearly would. They don't share the same mindset as she does.

I also would. If my husband told me to take all my **** with me---I would. At the time, it would have been scary but I have a degree, a good job and I would have made it work. Same with the Las Vegas threats. If we could swing it, I would happily pack my husband away with his friends for some debauchery. Get it out of your system, come home and let me re-live it.


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## Married but Happy

IMO, it's a poor idea this early in the baby's life. Once they're one or weaned, perhaps - I'd say she deserves a break then, for sure. There may be more going on than meets the eye, however. Perhaps she's depressed, perhaps hubby isn't pitching in enough and she wants to force him to step up, etc. ....

At this point, though, I'd say no, and there would (almost certainly) be consequences if she does anyway. You can't make her NOT go (especially if she has money she can use for the trip), but you can divorce her or a lesser consequence. If you're divorced, you can negotiate custody so both of you can get away for a week or two if you can afford it, whenever you want.

Or, you could just tell her that it's fine, but you'll be going on an equivalent trip with _your_ girlfriend once she returns! >


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## chillymorn69

The bottom line is is this deal breaker status?

For me it would be.

For a mother to want to leave her baby at 5 months old to go to mexico with her divorce/single girlfreinds for two weeks I would lose a respect for her as a mother and a wife.

You offered to geaway with her so you rwo could have some alone time and she is rejecting that because she would rather have alone time with her friends without you!

Shes telling you something with her actions!

Shes just not that into you or her family for that matter! Is this the type of marriage you want?

Not me . Would be highly offended if my wife even sugested this. And would seriously reconsider wanting to spend my life with a woman of this caliber.

That just me. And if she thought she couldn't or didn't want that type of marriage she is well within her rights to comunicate that and a divorce would be the best possible solution.


Its not wrong to end a marriage where you ideas and values of what a marriage don't align!


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## Wolf1974

Not only no but HELL no. This is some serious red flags. You either married the wrong woman for you or something else is going on. This hits a bit too close to home. I hope this turns out better for you than it did for me.


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## frusdil

One to two weeks?? Away from her 5 month old baby?? If she's the primary caregiver that will be very hard on bub 

I don't understand this at all. Are you sure she doesn't have PND? I've never in my life known a new, first time mum who would willingly leave her baby for a couple of nights let alone a couple of weeks!

Gawd, I struggle to leave my dogs, I miss them. I couldn't leave my baby. I don't think my husband could either actually lol.


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## bandit.45

chillymorn69 said:


> This is a giant $hit test!
> 
> Tell her your not comfortable with it and you will be calling a lawyer when shes in mexico!


This. 


Tell her to go and enjoy herself. Go see a lawyer and surprise her with a divorce petition when she gets home. 

Oh and while she is gone don’t answer the phone.


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## farsidejunky

You can be firm without being a ****. Don't threaten divorce...don't get emotional..stay calm and rational...yet be firm.

"I'm not okay with you going on this trip."

Done. Full stop.

She wants to engage with you on it?

"There is nothing to discuss. I've made my stance clear."

And walk away from the conversation. If it means this much to you, don't discuss it with her. The more you discuss it, the more she will see this as opportunity for negotiation. You want to make it abundantly clear that you are not negotiating.

She gets mad, raises her voice, or gets frustrated with you?

"I'm sorry you feel that way. Perhaps we're just simply not compatible."

Then walk away again.

The underlying basis behind your approach should be simple... You can't control her, yet you won't tolerate her choosing her friend over the marriage.

If she still chooses to go, you're going to have to be willing to take this thing to the brink.

As I've said before... Don't ever... ever...ever play brinkmanship unless you're willing to go over the brink.

If it's important enough to draw a boundary around it, it is important enough to take it to the brink.


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## wantittowork!

@frusdil 
What is PND?


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## wantittowork!

I agree with a lot of you in here. I don't want to go with the big D and I am leaving it as a last resort. This is a topic that keeps coming up. We have talked about it last when she was 7 or 8 months pregnant and I said not out of state at that time due to possible complications on the road. Before that I said ok, but we talked about her settling down and she said she understood (before we tried having a child). Now she says she doesn't remember that...


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## 269370

Is she planning to leave the baby at home? She shouldn’t be doing this.


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## naiveonedave

wantittowork! said:


> I agree with a lot of you in here. I don't want to go with the big D and I am leaving it as a last resort. This is a topic that keeps coming up. We have talked about it last when she was 7 or 8 months pregnant and I said not out of state at that time due to possible complications on the road. Before that I said ok, but we talked about her settling down and she said she understood (before we tried having a child). Now she says she doesn't remember that...


Of course she will say that, she is negotiating. YOU NEED TO FULL stop talking about, see @farsidejunky post above.


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## Yeswecan

wantittowork! said:


> I'm not looking to keep her from her friends. I agree we should be allowed a day/night out with friends without the spouse. I even offered her a compromise to her friend coming out here and they go out for a day or night without me. "That isn't the same" was her response. My friend is lonely. I told her as harsh as it sounds that's her friends fault and not our problem. Her friend has made the choices to lead her to where she is today. We shouldn't have to be burdened with that. Her friend is welcome here for vacations to stay but we both need to put the three of us first (wife,kid and I).
> 
> Concur 100%
> 
> She has showed signs of depression after our child was born, but I assumed she got through that. I tried to be there for her during that time, but she told me she didn't want to talk about it and I was wrong. So I didn't push and just tried to make life as easy as possible for her.Her and I both have a lot of stress from both of our jobs. She's always working at work and home, which does not give her much of time to herself. I try to spend most of my time when home from work watching our kid so she can do her paperwork for work. TV is her escape so for the most part I try to allow her to pick what we watch.
> 
> Well sir, a few days away with you and a family member to watch the child is normally enough to refresh and regroup. One to two weeks away from both you and your child is excessive IMO.
> 
> Her birthday is coming up next month and I even offered to take her to the Grand Canyon with our kid for the day. This is something out of town but not too far. I figured sinse she has been wanting to go back, this would be a win win. She said she didn't want that. As crazy as it sounds one of my brothers is a karaoke jockey and she asked him to throw her a party at the bar he does this at. Also this night would take place on a weeknight when most of her friends would not be able to attend.
> We've got to the point where there is tension between us from this topic. I've spoke with her last weekend and she agree's we have an issue that needs to be fixed. We agree we don't want a childhood like we had for our kid, where our parents couldn't resolve their issues so they just got divorced.
> 
> Well, your W may sometimes have to go with the flow. What would your W like for her birthday if the Grand Canyon is out of the question? Did she offer another plan or simply stand there waiting for Julie McCoy the cruise director to formulate a good time?
> 
> 
> I've spoke with my best friend who knows us both very well and he basically says the same as all of you. I normally am pretty good at solving issues and heck even giving her what makes her happy (within reason). However this has me at a loss. I'm scared to heck that if I can not get this through to her we will be done and I will loose my family... This is a huge red flag for me. I also don't want to be only a part time dad and I'm sure she would get custody if things got real ugly.
> 
> Honestly, it appears to me like a child that is going to begin to be passive aggressive with the silent treatment followed by a tantrum if her demand to disappear for two weeks is not fulfilled.


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## Primrose

wantittowork! said:


> @frusdil
> What is PND?


Post-natal depression (also referred to as postpartum depression).


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## Yeswecan

wantittowork! said:


> Also the time would be a week or two.


Yea...no.....


----------



## Malaise

Was the child planned?


----------



## Yeswecan

wantittowork! said:


> I agree with a lot of you in here. I don't want to go with the big D and I am leaving it as a last resort. This is a topic that keeps coming up. We have talked about it last when she was 7 or 8 months pregnant and I said not out of state at that time due to possible complications on the road. Before that I said ok, but we talked about her settling down and she said she understood (before we tried having a child). Now she says she doesn't remember that...


Selective memory. State your case you are against it. Then let go. Your W may pack and go or she may come to her senses. Whatever the case, you will that much wiser to how your W intends to operate and handle this marriage.


----------



## Yeswecan

Sir, for me and my W, if she wanted to go for a week or two with a friend I would be just fine with it. I know who my W is. But here is the thing. My W would never want to go with a friend for a week or two no matter what the destination was. My W simply enjoys time with me and her family. She will go on an overnighter with her married friends once in a while. But the entire time is spent texting me. 

So, do you believe your W loves, cares, concerned and enjoy time with you? Ask your W the true reason for wanting a two week forget about life get away with of all things a lonely friend. Does she not see a two week get away leaves her significant other not only lonely but scratching his head?


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## ILoveSparkles

I guess I'm not mother material.

When my son was 7 months old, I went to Italy for 10 days. I was with my mother, father, sister, BIL and niece. My now ex even paid for my trip. He had zero desire to go. So, he took some time off work to watch our son and my ex MIL helped take care of him also.


----------



## Yeswecan

ILoveSparkles said:


> I guess I'm not mother material.
> 
> When my son was 7 months old, I went to Italy for 10 days. I was with my mother, father, sister, BIL and niece. *My now ex* even paid for my trip. He had zero desire to go. So, he took some time off work to watch our son and my ex MIL helped take care of him also.


Hmmmmmm........


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## ILoveSparkles

Yeswecan said:


> Hmmmmmm........



Well, if you must know, my trip did not cause my divorce. His serial cheating, lying ass did - and it's not even final yet.


----------



## GTdad

I gotta admit, I'm a little surprised by this thread. I just don't see it as that big of a deal, certainly not worth divorcing over.

I've taken a two-week trip to South Africa without my wife. She's been to San Diego and NYC without me. It's not a regular thing at all, and we almost always vacation together, but the OP seems to be saying that vacations should always be taken together, and to do otherwise is a firing offense, which to me is at least as weird as leaving a baby with dad for a bit.

I don't know, different strokes I guess.


----------



## FrenchFry

I'm not surprised but I don't think it is productive because if you are not a person who would do this, it's hard to see why OPs wife would want to--and so the reactions.


I agree that it really isn't a big deal. Two weeks even is nothing in the grand scheme of marriage that hopefully lasts years. My parents left me when I was about 8 months old for a two week trip to Spain. I don't remember it, obviously but it's something they continue to treasure 30 years later.


The part that is slightly tricky to me is the friend part, but I kind of understand as well--it's obvious OP doesn't want to leave his baby while his wife would be okay with it. Which is why I suggested a trip for two--without the baby. For the week or two weeks or whatever if feasible. I'm trying to match the grandiosity of the trip--a weekend trip away for a few hours isn't really the same.


----------



## naiveonedave

GTdad said:


> I gotta admit, I'm a little surprised by this thread. I just don't see it as that big of a deal, certainly not worth divorcing over.
> 
> I've taken a two-week trip to South Africa without my wife. She's been to San Diego and NYC without me. It's not a regular thing at all, and we almost always vacation together, but the OP seems to be saying that vacations should always be taken together, and to do otherwise is a firing offense, which to me is at least as weird as leaving a baby with dad for a bit.
> 
> I don't know, different strokes I guess.


It really comes down to timing and who they are going with and where they are going. At 5 months old, seems very early for a new mom to leave for 2 weeks. We went out of the counry when our 1st was 1 year for a week, and my W still missed him every day. Likely 1% or less new mothers would leave their 5 month old for 2 weeks. Then headed to that safe haven of Cancun with a single woman to party. Just doesn't add up as a safe thing for this M, IMO.

If she was going with her parents or married sister, more understandable. If she was going for a long weekend, more understandable. It is just the sum of the whole thing.

If my W did this when my kids were that little, I'd be furious. (or if I did that to her, she would be too). At 5 months, while working and taking care of the kid, you would have zero time for anything else. If nothing else, she is demanding a lot from a new parent.


----------



## GTdad

naiveonedave said:


> If my W did this when my kids were that little, I'd be furious. (or if I did that to her, she would be too). At 5 months, while working and taking care of the kid, you would have zero time for anything else. If nothing else, she is demanding a lot from a new parent.


That part I get. I remember that "what the hell am I supposed to do with this baby?!" feeling. But I traveled enough for work while the kids were little (and we have 8, brother) that I wasn't going to begrudge my wife wanting to do a little road-tripping every once in a while, even if I was dreading how much work I was in for. Hell, give me an easy job like negotiating an oil deal in Caracas.


----------



## FrenchFry

naiveonedave said:


> It really comes down to timing and who they are going with and where they are going. At 5 months old, seems very early for a new mom to leave for 2 weeks. We went out of the counry when our 1st was 1 year for a week, and my W still missed him every day. Likely 1% or less new mothers would leave their 5 month old for 2 weeks. Then headed to that safe haven of Cancun with a single woman to party. Just doesn't add up as a safe thing for this M, IMO.
> 
> If she was going with her parents or married sister, more understandable. If she was going for a long weekend, more understandable. It is just the sum of the whole thing.
> 
> If my W did this when my kids were that little, I'd be furious. (or if I did that to her, she would be too). At 5 months, while working and taking care of the kid, you would have zero time for anything else. If nothing else, she is demanding a lot from a new parent.



For clarification, the OP did not say they were going to Cancun that I see. I don't see where he said they wanted to go at all.


----------



## TAMAT

The only way I would see this to be a huge deal is if his W had previously had an affair, in which case any travel becomes a trigger.

Tamat


----------



## bandit.45

If he wants to stay married to this gal, and preserve the marriage, he's probably just going to have to bite the bullet and let her go. He's in a lose-lose situation. But at the same time, he shouldn't give her anything extra: no daily reports on the baby, no check-ins...nothing. She wants her freedom to party with her girlfriends, she shouldn't have to expect him to report to her like a subordinate. 

If she is going to cheat, she is going to cheat. She can just as easily do it on a trip to Cancun with her wing-women as she could with the neighbor down the block. 

For me, I wouldn't want to be married to a selfish woman like this. Three or four days on a girl's trip is one thing, two weeks away is flat out negligence.


----------



## bandit.45

ILoveSparkles said:


> Well, if you must know, my trip did not cause my divorce. His serial cheating, lying ass did - and it's not even final yet.


It is still unusual that you would have wanted to be away from your baby for that long. Most women would not.


----------



## SunCMars

bandit.45 said:


> If he wants to stay married to this gal, and preserve the marriage, he's probably just going to have to bite the bullet and let her go. He's in a lose-lose situation. But at the same time, he shouldn't give her anything extra: no daily reports on the baby, no check-ins...nothing. She wants her freedom to party with her girlfriends, she shouldn't have to expect him to report to her like a subordinate.
> 
> If she is going to cheat, she is going to cheat. She can just as easily do it on a trip to Cancun with her wing-women as she could with the neighbor down the block.
> 
> For me, I wouldn't want to be married to a selfish woman like this. Three or four days on a girl's trip is one thing, two weeks away is flat out negligence.


Yep! :|

This post mirrors my opinion and my mind.
The sane one in the basement, not the one in the attic.


----------



## SunCMars

bandit.45 said:


> It is still unusual that you would have wanted to be away from your baby for that long. Most women would not.


Well,

Some babies do poop A LOT!

That {away time} might equate to seventy diapers worth of fresh air.

Just Sayin'

Having two Children, four young grandchildren. All professional poop artists.


----------



## Lukedog

I see it both ways. 

Negotiate. She can have five days with her girlfriend somewhere. Then you can meet up with your wife and you and her can have five days together.


----------



## naiveonedave

FrenchFry said:


> For clarification, the OP did not say they were going to Cancun that I see. I don't see where he said they wanted to go at all.


I confused another poster who mentioned mexico. The OP of the OP stated around the world travels or something.


----------



## Tron

My W wouldn't even consider leaving the kids with non-grandparents until they could talk, and she would barely let them out of her sight for a couple of hours even with the grandparents until they were at least 2 YO. 

There is no way that she would have left them for some "adventure around the world". And as a consequence we barely had moments alone together for around 4 years with my 2 DD's.

Whether this is some kind of deal-breaker for you, you only know. Farside's approach would seem to be the best and give you the option of staying or leaving if and when your W returns from this trip. 

Like some others mentioned, I seriously question your W's commitment to the family if she asked for something like this with a 5 month old newborn. I really find it unfathomable :scratchhead::scratchhead::scratchhead:. She is a wife and mom now, not some party girl. 

Her friend asking for something like this is a head-scratcher too.


----------



## toucheturtle

This thread is interesting. It seems like one would hold off having a young baby and just wanting to spend two weeks away on a trip with a friend.well I would do a little investigation on the matter.i don't want to seem out of line in this forum but if I had the funds I would have a private eye do a back ground on things in my partners life.it could be just off the top check for financial, criminal, work ethics. P.i is not the answer on everything but you well never know if something else is there to find.


----------



## chillymorn69

ILoveSparkles said:


> I guess I'm not mother material.
> 
> When my son was 7 months old, I went to Italy for 10 days. I was with my mother, father, sister, BIL and niece. My now ex even paid for my trip. He had zero desire to go. So, he took some time off work to watch our son and my ex MIL helped take care of him also.


So you didn't go with a bunch of divorced / single women?

You just jumped to conclusion 

And you also indicated your husband was invited and elected to stay home to watch the baby.



Apples to freaken pumkins
Hmmm


----------



## Diana7

Tron said:


> My W wouldn't even consider leaving the kids with non-grandparents until they could talk, and she would barely let them out of her sight for a couple of hours even with the grandparents until they were at least 2 YO.
> 
> There is no way that she would have left them for some "adventure around the world". And as a consequence we barely had moments alone together for around 4 years with my 2 DD's.
> 
> Whether this is some kind of deal-breaker for you, you only know. Farside's approach would seem to be the best and give you the option of staying or leaving if and when your W returns from this trip.
> 
> Like some others mentioned, I seriously question your W's commitment to the family if she asked for something like this with a 5 month old newborn. I really find it unfathomable :scratchhead::scratchhead::scratchhead:. She is a wife and mom now, not some party girl.
> 
> Her friend asking for something like this is a head-scratcher too.


My kids weren't left over night until the youngest at that time was 3 years old, and that was only because we were moving house and felt it was dangerous to have them around men lifting heavy furniture and boxes. The thought of leaving any of my children alone for even a night when they were still babies would never have entered my head. I couldn't have done it. 

op, how about you just say, you go that's fine, as long as you take the baby as I have to work.


----------



## barbados

OP,

Would you be afforded the same vacation ? Would your W be OK with you going on vacation with your friend(s) for a week or 2 without her ?


----------



## manwithnoname

Lukedog said:


> I see it both ways.
> 
> Negotiate. She can have five days with her girlfriend somewhere. Then you can meet up with your wife and you and her can have five days together.


And then he goes five days somewhere with his own wingman?


----------



## BobSimmons

GTdad said:


> That part I get. I remember that "what the hell am I supposed to do with this baby?!" feeling. But I traveled enough for work while the kids were little (and we have 8, brother) that I wasn't going to begrudge my wife wanting to do a little road-tripping every once in a while, even if I was dreading how much work I was in for. Hell, give me an easy job like negotiating an oil deal in Caracas.


Nothing wrong with a two week vacation as long as both parties are fine with it. The OP even suggested a compromise which was turned down flatly


----------



## Taxman

First; I have great difficulty with 'girls only' vacations. My wife and I have been on cruises and at resorts where there has been a group of married women on vacation without the husbands. Last year, we had struck up a conversation with this group. The girls were all long married, and when I went to the bar, they said that my wife would be awfully popular with the group of guys that were hanging around them. We went into the cigar lounge and watched two of them come in, pick up a guy and leave. Wonder if the cuckolded husbands ever find out? I said to my wife, if this woman's husband ever found out, she would soon go missing on the ship. Second; She is a new mother, is there a problem with the bond to the new child? This seems really odd. The request for the party at a bar sounds like PPD.

So, you need to have a painful discussion with your wife. Mine wanted to go on a GNO, and I discovered that her Sis had set it up for her to be a wing girl at a cougar bar. It was contrived because her sis and I do not get along, and she was trying to throw a wrench into our marriage. We exposed her for this to the entire family. Nobody trusts her at all now. If it were me, I would say that it is not the best idea for a new mother to go on a "singles" vacation.


----------



## ILoveSparkles

chillymorn69 said:


> So you didn't go with a bunch of divorced / single women?
> 
> You just jumped to conclusion
> 
> And you also indicated your husband was invited and elected to stay home to watch the baby.
> 
> 
> 
> Apples to freaken pumkins
> Hmmm


Perhaps I misunderstood the point of this thread. I thought it was more about a parent leaving their baby to go on a vacation and less so about "wingwomen/men"


----------



## FrenchFry

ILoveSparkles said:


> Perhaps I misunderstood the point of this thread. I thought it was more about a parent leaving their baby to go on a vacation and less so about "wingwomen/men"


All of this stuff is stuff added by other posters, not the OP. The details about who/where/why for the vacation are fairly scant from him. There is a reason for this kind of "trickle details," and I don't think it's a good one.


----------



## alte Dame

If she is shell-shocked from new motherhood and/or suffering from PPD, planning this sort of trip makes some sense. When my kids were babies, I would have jumped at the chance to get a break.

Two weeks would never have worked for me & I would have had to know that the child care was excellent and reliable if I went away. 

That being said, since this bothers you so much (and I understand why it does), I think you should state clearly your position and articulate simply and clearly what the consequences are if she chooses to do this.

So...what consequences do you envision?

(If it were me, at this stage in my marriage, I would seek a compromise that we would hammer out together.)


----------



## EllisRedding

IDK, really not a lot of details provided by the OP to make a reasonable judgment IMO: 

- OP said a week or two, which is it?
- Where does she want to go?
- Will it just be her and her friend. If so, any red flags about her friend?
- Will this trip impact your ability (financially or otherwise) to go on a separate vacation with your W/child?
- What are the expectations for watching your child while she is gone?
- Is there any reason to not trust your W?

Personally, I would not be too happy with my W wanting to go away for 1-2 weeks on her own, but everyone's situation is different.


----------



## Steve1000

GTdad said:


> I gotta admit, I'm a little surprised by this thread. I just don't see it as that big of a deal, certainly not worth divorcing over.
> 
> I've taken a two-week trip to South Africa without my wife. She's been to San Diego and NYC without me. It's not a regular thing at all, and we almost always vacation together, but the OP seems to be saying that vacations should always be taken together, and to do otherwise is a firing offense, which to me is at least as weird as leaving a baby with dad for a bit.
> 
> I don't know, different strokes I guess.


In my opinion, the differencesare that 1. they have a five-month old baby and 2. the length and distance of OP's wife's upcoming trip.


----------



## EllisRedding

Steve1000 said:


> In my opinion, the differencesare that 1. they have a five-month old baby and 2. the length and *distance of OP's wife's upcoming trip.*


I can't find anywhere where the OP mentioned where his W wanted to go? I think someone else here threw out Cancun just as an example/reference. Even the distance thing is rather vague


----------



## Steve1000

EllisRedding said:


> I can't find anywhere where the OP mentioned where his W wanted to go? I think someone else here threw out Cancun just as an example/reference. Even the distance thing is rather vague


I may be wrong, but I understood it to be an overseas adventure for one or two weeks.


----------



## EllisRedding

Steve1000 said:


> I may be wrong, but I understood it to be an overseas adventure for one or two weeks.


The only thing I can see is the OP saying his W doesn't want to stop having adventures around the world. I just wasted way too much time re reading the OPs post looking for clues lol


----------



## chillymorn69

ILoveSparkles said:


> Perhaps I misunderstood the point of this thread. I thought it was more about a parent leaving their baby to go on a vacation and less so about "wingwomen/men"


That what I'm talking about.

The red flags are there. At least for me.

I have no problem with a wife getting away for a while. But thats only if some stipulations are met.

1) the husband gets a getaway of equal expencs and time.
2) the family get a getaway before either spouce gets one
3) the relationship is on solid ground....plenty of sex and no outstanding problems on either side.


----------



## ILoveSparkles

chillymorn69 said:


> That what I'm talking about.
> 
> The red flags are there. At least for me.
> 
> I have no problem with a wife getting away for a while. But thats only if some stipulations are met.
> 
> 1) the husband gets a getaway of equal expencs and time.
> 2) the family get a getaway before either spouce gets one
> 3) the relationship is on solid ground....plenty of sex and no outstanding problems on either side.


We met all that. We had been married for 18 years and my trip to Italy was almost 8 years ago....everything was solid then. It was solid up until recently when I discovered his serial cheating ways.

So, I highly doubt my trip to Italy with family 8 years ago had anything to do with the end of our marriage.


----------



## chillymorn69

ILoveSparkles said:


> We met all that. We had been married for 18 years and my trip to Italy was almost 8 years ago....everything was solid then. It was solid up until recently when I discovered his serial cheating ways.
> 
> So, I highly doubt my trip to Italy with family 8 years ago had anything to do with the end of our marriage.


So sorry !

I hope you don't think I was refering to you in any way .

I was saying that for me personally I think a wife who decides to go away with her friends instead of her husband is questionable activity!


----------



## msrv23

Count me in as a mom who can’t leave her infant to someone else for such a long time. I do breastfeed but what holds me is the missing, I wouldn’t be able to stand it. But I do leave my infant to my mother or MIL for some hours while I go out with my husband. He has also been taking care of our infant during the day when I work for a while.

I find the opinions kind of lacking empathy and maybe understanding better before judging? For example, if the father is fully capable or someone else they can trust can take care of the baby then why would it be neglect? If a mother going on a trip is neglect then wouldn’t the father be neglecting too if they both go on a trip without the baby? It’s not a woman’s job to take care of baby only. Both has the job. And if baby is still being taken cared of, and the father is not being overwhelmed, then it shouldn’t be that big deal.

Thought here the father is not ok with this trip and conpromise should be needed. OP might want to understand why she insists so much on the trip too. Is her friend influencing her? Maybe giving those freedom and fun ideas since she is single and free? Maybe your wife has been afraid of embracing motherhood because she feels loss of freedom? I wouldn’t feel safe too if my husband has a single friend with commitment issues plus crazy freedom ideas.

Motherhood can be hard. It can be demanding. My husband and I are so tired and barely have time alone. Routine has been the same even if we try to go out.

Your wife might want to feel free again and have a hard time dealing with post partum depression. That requires some help to work out and not simply pulling out the D.If you have been fine over all but just this big disagreement, you can try to work things out instead. She doesn’t seem alright and might need your help to overcome this.


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## bandit.45

Let her go. Keep track of her money spent, including hotel and airfare. When she gets back, husband gets to go on a two-weeker to Vegas, and can spend the same amount.


----------



## bandit.45




----------



## MyRevelation

bandit.45 said:


> Let her go. Keep track of her money spent, including hotel and airfare. When she gets back, husband gets to go on a two-weeker to Vegas, and can spend the same amount.


I'm not into petty game playing pissing contests.

Given that this scenario brought me to the world of internet infidelity forums, my response would be clear:

"You are free to go with your slunt buddy, if that is what you choose, just as I'm free to disapprove of your choices up to defining them as irreconcilable differences, so you can expect me to act accordingly in your absence."

THAT is just how seriously I disapprove of the concept of girl's only vacations.


----------



## notmyrealname4

.


----------



## bandit.45

MyRevelation said:


> I'm not into petty game playing pissing contests.
> 
> Given that this scenario brought me to the world of internet infidelity forums, my response would be clear:
> 
> "You are free to go with your slunt buddy, if that is what you choose, just as I'm free to disapprove of your choices up to defining them as irreconcilable differences, so you can expect me to act accordingly in your absence."
> 
> THAT is just how seriously I disapprove of the concept of girl's only vacations.


That is the preferred method. But in the OP's case, he seems bent on preserving the marriage. I doubt he will say this to her.


----------



## MyRevelation

bandit.45 said:


> That is the preferred method. But in the OP's case, he seems bent on preserving the marriage. I doubt he will say this to her.


He may not, but he's been warned ... what he does with that information is now on him.

I may not have listened either at first, but after having some time to dwell on it, I'd have loved for someone to plant a seed in my hard head, like:

"Hey, look at who she's going with ... both of her friends have been OW in the past. Integrity and fidelity are not high on their priority list and you know how people are ... they don't act BETTER away from home, they tend to move toward the lowest common denominator ... and mix in some booze and opposite sex attention that is always around resort type places, and its a recipe for trouble. Nothing at all may happen, but the odds of it just went up exponentially."

It's a scenario that is very close to what OP is facing now and the odds of something bad occurring just went higher than he ever imagined. Another concept he needs to get his head around that all of us have learned the hard way, is that NONE of us knew our spouses as well as we thought we did.


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## bandit.45

He can't control her. Why would he want to? 

All he can do is make his boundaries clear and precise to her. 

He needs to tell her that he thinks her leaving their child for two weeks to go on vacation is excessive, but that if she is going to do it he will not try to stop her. 

He needs to tell her that he does not trust her friend, and that he is concerned that her friend may try to lure her into doing things she as a married woman and mother should not be engaging in. 

He needs to tell her, very clearly, that if he ever finds out that she has been unfaithful to him or has done anything that could compromise their relationship and marriage, then he will take steps to protect himself and the welfare of their child, which could include separation and divorce. 

State the boundaries, then stick to those boundaries, and then follow through on promises.


----------



## Lukedog

manwithnoname said:


> And then he goes five days somewhere with his own wingman?


Sure. She has five days with her friend, don't see why he couldn't have five days with a friend of his.

I, personally, did not go anywhere after I had my baby, nor did I want to go anywhere, nor did I have the means or the finances to go somewhere on my own or with a friend, without my husband. Ask me now, circumstances have changed and I would go on a vacation in a hot NY minute without my husband.

I'm not saying that OP's wife can't, but the fact that the baby is only 5 mos old and she already wants to leave it for at least a week, if not more, is kind of sad. Being a new mother can be overwhelming and that's when post-partum depression can set it. A woman kind of loses her identity and now she has this tiny human being that is totally dependent on her for everything. Sometimes it takes a while for that maternal instinct to kick in. Maybe OP's wife hasn't found it yet. I would think though that the "family bond" would be a little stronger with OP's wife. It is cause for concern.


----------



## bandit.45

If this was a simple three or four day trip out of town, we wouldn't be discussing this. 



> Also the time would be a week or two


Even a week is pushing it, but two weeks? C'mon...

Anyways, the OP hasn't been back for days, so maybe his little problem sorted itself out.


----------



## michzz

My first wife I'd not have trusted to go on such a trip. It never was an an issue because of finances. Besides, she found ample opportunity to cheat within 10 miles of home. A wife can be a ho anywhere--or faithful in Gomorrah. 

My current wife I trust anywhere on the planet.

She has a best friend (widowed) who she has known literally since she was a baby. They get together in places such as Las Vegas regularly and i do not care, not care to go with 'em.

Seriously, do I want to see KC and the Sunshine Band in Henderson, NV? Not on your life!

The last time they went, at the last minute she decided to take her grown son with her and her friend took her grown kids. 

They got to let loose at a concert, drink, gamble, and relive their youth--but not in a "La Vida Loca" kind of way.

She is not a ho, wouldn't be on the moon, wouldn't be in our house and anywhere in between.

Like I said, if someone is, you can't stop 'em. BUT you can leave 'em.

If the OP's wife is one, it is sad that an infant is now involved in how he decides to go forward.

If she is not one, and just likes to travel selflishly at the expense of the kid/husband, that is sad but fixable.


----------



## Taxman

I rarely hear of a couple that takes separate vacations, that have excellent marriages. My own family had such a couple, they were married back in the 50's, and within five years, they were taking separate vacations. It was quite apparent that these were vacations to get away from one another. They worked in a family business together, and wanted decompression. It came as no surprise that both of them had long standing affairs. Their marriage was functional, just not loving. They were business partners more or less. It was also no surprise that when the husband died, there was a stranger at the viewing, who sobbed and carried on more than his own family. It did not go unnoticed, and he left her some money in his will, as a final f.u. to his wife.


----------



## bandit.45

Taxman said:


> I rarely hear of a couple that takes separate vacations, that have excellent marriages. My own family had such a couple, they were married back in the 50's, and within five years, they were taking separate vacations. It was quite apparent that these were vacations to get away from one another. They worked in a family business together, and wanted decompression. It came as no surprise that both of them had long standing affairs. Their marriage was functional, just not loving. They were business partners more or less. It was also no surprise that when the husband died, there was a stranger at the viewing, who sobbed and carried on more than his own family. It did not go unnoticed, and he left her some money in his will, as a final f.u. to his wife.


I got a story like this. My dad's brother was a lifelong bachelor. He had occasional girlfriends, but he had made it clear to the family that he was never going to marry. He died when he was in his early 70s, in fact I think he had just turned 70 when he suffered a widowmaker. 

All the family shows up...all the regulars. During the viewing, a strange lady walked into the funeral chapel with a toddler on her hip. She was in her mid 40s, very good looking, fashionably dressed, well presented.... She gets up to my uncle's casket and literally collapses in grief... and she wasn't faking it either. This wasn't a show she was putting on. One of my cousins got up and comforted her and took the little boy to allow this woman to pay my uncle her respects. I could see my aunt, my uncle's sister, growing red in the face and getting really pissed off. How dare this stranger come into a private family funeral and make such a kerfuffle? Well, after the viewing my aunt made a beeline over to her and her offspring to find out who she was. 

I was thinking this gal may have been some illegitimate daughter that my uncle had fathered in his more youthful years. That's what many of us were thinking, until my aunt took her aside and talked to her. We were all kind of watching from a distance and then we saw my aunt get this shocked look on her face, and then she got this huge smile and bent down and picked up the little boy and started kissing him. Then she gave the lady a warm hug. 

Turns out this woman was my uncle's girlfriend. The little boy was his son. In his twilight years my old, ornery cowboy uncle managed to score with a beautiful younger woman and fulfill his biological mandate. When all of us guys heard the news we started whooping and hollering in joy. 

That little boy, my second cousin, is in his twenties now and has a family of his own. He is also the recipient of a very large annuity.


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## HolyPepa

Hi I wonder if you and your wife are still together? And how was her vacation? I hope that you are doing well and you do not remember that event.


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## MattMatt

Zombie kitten determines this thread must be closed down.


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