# I just did it...need some support.



## summerB (Aug 31, 2011)

I just got off the phone from making the appointment with a separation mediator for Oct. 8. I feel sick to my stomach, but we have been fighting and hostile for the past two days and it tells me that my post earlier this week about my husband being a changed man is not based in reality. 

I slept in a separate room last night and we barely spoke this morning. When he left for work, I went to get the file from the consultation with the mediator and he walked back in the house and caught me stashing the file with my work things. He didn't say anything, but he obviously knew I was 'up to something' and I didn't want to talk to him about it before work. 

I have realized many things about myself from counseling. One, I am not happy being married to my husband and being accountable to him. Two, I am not romantically attracted to my husband. Three, my husband is very insecure and I have changed myself in response to his insecurity and controlling behavior and now I am exceptionally unhappy with who I am as a person. Finally, I realize that I am an adult capable of choosing paths for myself regardless of the approval or support of my spouse. This last one is really important because one of the reasons I have allowed myself to change so much is to seek his approval. I thought that if I could just be more like he wanted me to be, then everything would be ok. The differences between us are not behaviors that can be changed, they are fundamental character differences that I have been addressing in counseling and he has not. 

Someone please respond with some words of comfort or support. I am so scared and anxious about this decision that I can barely focus. I am worried about my daughter and how this will affect her. I can't be the mother I want to be for her and that she deserves while married to my husband. I don't want her growing up thinking that how my husband and I interact is how a marriage should be. Most importantly, I don't want her learning that being controlled is how women should relate to men. I just pray that I am making the right decision and my gut and heart are on the same page.


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## uphillbattle (Aug 17, 2011)

Hello, I am sorry you are going through trying times and that it has come to this. That being said, if your heart and mind are on the same page you are doing the right thing. 

This will not make it any easier on your daughter (the children are always the ones who get the short end of the stick in a divorce) because she will have a new home and she will be seeing less of the both of you. You need to make sure she is always your #1 in the decisions you make from here on out. You need to try your best as hard as it may seem to never down her father in front of her and to try to remain civil with him.

It is going to be scary as hell taking this step but you need to keep in your mind that it is for the better and you are doing right by you and your daughter. You seem to have a pretty level head about you and from what I can tell by your posts you can float it finacally so you will be ok. Use the next little while for self discovery and learn agian who you are, we often times lose this in a marriage where we are trying to change ourselves to suit others needs.

Good luck too you.


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## Tommo (Oct 1, 2011)

summerB said:


> I just got off the phone from making the appointment with a separation mediator...
> 
> Someone please respond with some words of comfort or support.


Words of comfort of support???? Yer kiddin', right??? You are finally where most of us can only PRAY to be...and YOU need words of comfort??? 

Why do I find this funny??? Gallows humour, I think it's called.

Geez!!! Stand tall!!! Yer made of rather strong stuff, remember!

Hey...fergit water boarding! I'm CURRENTLY being reamed, steamed...and dry cleaned!!!!

Aaaaaah!

(Seriously...I hope you leave this post with a smile, at least. And, of course yer perfectly right: it stinks...)


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