# So I got a call from the Ex last night



## StillSearching (Feb 8, 2013)

I just got a call from my ex wife. She says "I'm so sad. It's not a happy time. You are funny and handsome and we did have 25 years together. You want to go out tonight?" I said NO I have to work on my car. "WE" didn't have 25 years together, I had 25 years while you were out banging and lying about it. What's up with these WS even a year later still in fantasy land fog? BTW, She knows about my GF. Women can be conniving. What is she up too?


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

Plan A must have fell through


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## StillSearching (Feb 8, 2013)

She wants my plan D to manipulate me I suspect.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Why did you give her an excuse? If she does that crap again, just NO. No reason, no excuse. Better yet, dont answer her calls, only communicate by email or text.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Why does your x even communicate with you?


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## StillSearching (Feb 8, 2013)

Yeswecan said:


> Why does your x even communicate with you?


My son lives with her and we have had issues with him.


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## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

StillSearching said:


> What's up with these WS even a year later still in fantasy land fog?


The "fog" is the biggest lie in all of adulterdom. There's no "fog". They just think that their gold-plated labia can entice, attract, and make you "rug-sweep" and "swallow".....they're so sexy, so magnificent, you'll bend over backwards to get with them again. After all, you are Mr. Beta Provider Guy..... when Mr. Alpha, who didn't even have to wear a condom, is through using them, they can come running back to Plan B.

If there is any "fantasy", it's the one they have of themselves, the memory that persists in their brains from looking at themselves in the mirror when they were 20. Guess what happened ?


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## Taxman (Dec 21, 2016)

Prepare yourself: The onslaught is about to begin. For my money, her new life is not working out like the rainbow unicorn said it would. She is likely either sitting in front of a girlfriend, or shrink, or confessor, and the reality of her situation is that what you no longer provide is what she is wanting/needing. The stability, the solidarity, money, love, etc. etc. etc. has had to go in the wake of her infidelity and the divorce. It is not as if this plays out in my office regularly, however, if I see one more weepy wayward blubbering over the "love I lost", I think I will toss my cookies. GEEEEEEEEEEEZZZZZZ, is there temporary retardation? Are they so goddamned entitled that reality just never figures in one of their thoughts. No my dear friend, StillSearching. Her life has not worked out. Coupled with her knowledge that your largesse and all that she had with you is now being provided to another, she is likely having loose bowel movements thinking about what she had and threw away, and now has nothing to show for her actions. (Well in several cases, they have cats, and girlfriend/cheerleaders/buddies etc etc etc) 

I concur with Thound, it is likely her last ****-buddy headed for the hills, and the pickings are slim. So, her hormone addled brain sez, lets call the ex, and see if he is up for another round. Too bad, she has been replaced. Now, I have seen this, and even described one or two incidents. My fave is the one where the despicable POS ex shows up on her former front doorstep, she is crying, sobbing, dressed to the nines with mascara running down her cheeks. She tearfully says that she ruined her life, but if he sees his way clear, she will make it all up to him. Moments later, a woman descends the staircase. She is younger and prettier than the creature on the front stoop. She flashes a big engagement ring, and says sorry, we gave at the office, and slams the door on the ex. The ex leaves, totally defeated. That is what should await ExMrs StillSearching.


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## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

Taxman said:


> Are they so goddamned entitled


Yep. Exactly. Entitled, damned, and God has indeed.



StillSearching said:


> BTW, She knows about my GF.


Yeah, one of the biggest reasons people cheat is to prove themselves "superior" to others. If she "steals" you from your GF, she gets ego kibbles.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Taxman said:


> Prepare yourself: The onslaught is about to begin. For my money, her new life is not working out like the rainbow unicorn said it would. She is likely either sitting in front of a girlfriend, or shrink, or confessor, and the reality of her situation is that what you no longer provide is what she is wanting/needing. The stability, the solidarity, money, love, etc. etc. etc. has had to go in the wake of her infidelity and the divorce. It is not as if this plays out in my office regularly, however, if I see one more weepy wayward blubbering over the "love I lost", I think I will toss my cookies. GEEEEEEEEEEEZZZZZZ, is there temporary retardation? Are they so goddamned entitled that reality just never figures in one of their thoughts. No my dear friend, StillSearching. Her life has not worked out. Coupled with her knowledge that your largesse and all that she had with you is now being provided to another, she is likely having loose bowel movements thinking about what she had and threw away, and now has nothing to show for her actions. (Well in several cases, they have cats, and girlfriend/cheerleaders/buddies etc etc etc)
> 
> I concur with Thound, it is likely her last ****-buddy headed for the hills, and the pickings are slim. So, her hormone addled brain sez, lets call the ex, and see if he is up for another round. Too bad, she has been replaced. Now, I have seen this, and even described one or two incidents. My fave is the one where the despicable POS ex shows up on her former front doorstep, she is crying, sobbing, dressed to the nines with mascara running down her cheeks. She tearfully says that she ruined her life, but if he sees his way clear, she will make it all up to him. Moments later, a woman descends the staircase. She is younger and prettier than the creature on the front stoop. She flashes a big engagement ring, and says sorry, we gave at the office, and slams the door on the ex. The ex leaves, totally defeated. That is what should await ExMrs StillSearching.


Really? So when an overweight, balding middle-aged man is dumped by his cheating wife he will immediately find love with a sexy supermodel half his wife's age? :slap:


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

StillSearching said:


> I just got a call from my ex wife. She says "I'm so sad. It's not a happy time. You are funny and handsome and we did have 25 years together. You want to go out tonight?" I said NO I have to work on my car. "WE" didn't have 25 years together, I had 25 years while you were out banging and lying about it. What's up with these WS even a year later still in fantasy land fog? BTW, She knows about my GF. Women can be conniving. What is she up too?


She is up to buyer's remorse. This meme will guide you to use the appropriate response:-


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

Yikes, that's uncomfortable! I'm sorry you got that call. My guess is that she broke up with her boyfriend?


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## GoldenR (Jan 6, 2019)

My favorite part of healing myself after kicking her out was telling her "No ****ing way" every 6 months for the next 2 1/2 years.


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## Taxman (Dec 21, 2016)

MattMatt said:


> Really? So when an overweight, balding middle-aged man is dumped by his cheating wife he will immediately find love with a sexy supermodel half his wife's age? :slap:


In this particular case my clients were in their early 40's, and he was that overweight, but not balding guy. The affair caused significant weight loss. The separation put him back in the gym, after six years of putting up with not so great a life. We encouraged him to get out there when she was flaunting the affair in his face. The now wife, in question, is in her late 20's at the time, and although not a supermodel, she was better looking than the wife, by a long shot. My client, was significantly better looking than when his wayward wife left. I count myself as both his accountant and his friend. His ex was despicable. Yes, she was better looking than the poor boob, when they were married. She was also of that particular group of women, that once they glom onto the new guy, make a career of making the old guy feel like cow cookies. That was the situation.

Now we are a few years down the road, we now know what went on. Her OM was single when they met. Apparently, he was in her bowling league, and was not a bad looking dude, however, as I am now aware, she was not the only married woman that he was involved with. So she splits for the new guy. She moves in, and is in rainbow land. We quickly get the filing through, and she signs off, no problem. No kids, he gets the house, cause it was his money from the get go. We give her a little as the house appreciated, but settlements are not great for her. BUT, she had her new guy. The settlements, and her personality, grated on the OM. It was not what he signed up for, so he splits. He leaves her in a one bedroom apartment. She is not on the lease. She is now divorced. She has to work. AND, just about everyone she knew was against her. Easy peasy, she figures her ex Husband still wants her, like he did before. Nope, figured she would fall out of fairy land with a thud. We had actually taken a hand, and introduced my client to the new girl (she is an exec assistant to another client-we network like crazy). A few of us got a nasty call from exW. My wife, basically told her off, said if you want to dance you have to pay the fiddler. All of these people were average, but I will tell you, the new wife, could have been average or less than average looks. She is one of the nicest people you would ever want to meet. She is raised well, and is one of the quintessential women whose "price is above rubies". (look it up, its biblical). I recognize the type, I am married to a woman of that quality.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

MattMatt said:


> Really? So when an overweight, balding middle-aged man is dumped by his cheating wife he will immediately find love with a sexy supermodel half his wife's age? :slap:


Depends on how much money he has. lol


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## Sports Fan (Aug 21, 2014)

I'm gathering the new guy got done banging her and now she is left broke, penny less, and lonely. 

Stay Strong. This is your best revenge.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Next time -- because there will be a next time -- the answer is just plain NO with no explanation. 

Life hasn't turned out the way she planned, and she doesn't like that you've moved on, so periodically she'll try to reel you back in. It could go on for years so be prepared. 

Remember: just plain NO.


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## Jus260 (Mar 24, 2016)

StillSearching said:


> My son lives with her and we have had issues with him.


How old is your son?


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

StillSearching said:


> I just got a call from my ex wife. She says "I'm so sad. It's not a happy time. You are funny and handsome and we did have 25 years together. You want to go out tonight?" I said NO I have to work on my car. "WE" didn't have 25 years together, I had 25 years while you were out banging and lying about it. What's up with these WS even a year later still in fantasy land fog? BTW, She knows about my GF. Women can be conniving. What is she up too?


She is an a*****. It's not profound. Cheaters are a******s. You were probably like the 8th person she called that night. 

Why expect anything more. Why are you even answering her calls.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

""WE" didn't have 25 years together, I had 25 years while you were out banging and lying about it."
I hope you SAID that to her....


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

MattMatt said:


> Really? So when an overweight, balding middle-aged man is dumped by his cheating wife he will immediately find love with a sexy supermodel half his wife's age? :slap:


ONLY if he is rich:wink2:


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

StillSearching said:


> My son lives with her and we have had issues with him.


If the son is an adult or nearly an adult(mid to late teens) you can communicate with him directly. No need for any contact with her.


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## Bibi1031 (Sep 14, 2015)

He was trying to help with their rebellious son. She took advantage of that. 

Whenever she calls about the boy answer, but if she shifts to relationship talk, stop her in her tracks and let her know under no uncertain terms that you are there to co-parent but as a woman you will never pick up what you have thrown away.

Who the freak cares if she is lonely and horny. She can pay an escort if she is that desperate. She piggied off your back for 25 years too long. You will never pick up her piggy ass an hour more...ever!

What a lala land snowflake...sheesh!


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

So, how does he deny and remove his feelings? How does he vehemently refuse her, when it's so much easier because he knows who she is. Anyone else would be simply another start, another learning curve, another years of miscommunication until they understand each other's language and likely conclusions? 

I'm assuming a lot here, so I apologize if these are not some of your sticking points. I hope they aren't.

Edit: please don't tell me all that is fun. It's really not that much fun. It's years of work and compromise until you both move a little toward the middle.


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## Kamstel (Apr 25, 2018)

Last year, your ex said “ Someday I’ll tell you the whole truth”. Did she ever tell you whatever the whole truth was?


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## Robbie1234 (Feb 8, 2017)

Kamstel said:


> Last year, your ex said “ Someday I’ll tell you the whole truth”. Did she ever tell you whatever the whole truth was?


If she's anything like my cheating ex the truth will change from day to day.


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## Kamstel (Apr 25, 2018)

Robbie1234 said:


> Kamstel said:
> 
> 
> > Last year, your ex said “ Someday I’ll tell you the whole truth”. Did she ever tell you whatever the whole truth was?
> ...


I realize that it was most likely A narcissist plying one of her narcissist control games, but was worried that she had or still is sleeping with one of his relatives or close friends.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

The proper response is "I have to wash my hair".


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## StillSearching (Feb 8, 2013)

Jus260 said:


> How old is your son?


21 but he's got problems with the law and mental things.


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## StillSearching (Feb 8, 2013)

Kamstel said:


> Last year, your ex said “ Someday I’ll tell you the whole truth”. Did she ever tell you whatever the whole truth was?


NO.
I thought about this this morning.
She will, as a last resort, start to spill the beans all over my newly healed soul in an attempt to subdue me into submission and come back.
I think of it like Ted Bundy telling the law he will tell you where more bodies are if you spare his life.
F That!


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## StillSearching (Feb 8, 2013)

Diana7 said:


> If the son is an adult or nearly an adult(mid to late teens) you can communicate with him directly. No need for any contact with her.


He's not like that.
He will not answer my texts or phone calls.
Or her texts or calls, for the most part.
He troubled.....


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## Kamstel (Apr 25, 2018)

StillSearching said:


> Kamstel said:
> 
> 
> > Last year, your ex said “ Someday I’ll tell you the whole truth”. Did she ever tell you whatever the whole truth was?
> ...


I think you are abso-freaking-Correct about this!

Stay strong and continue to enjoy your new life!


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## Kamstel (Apr 25, 2018)

What was your girlfriends reaction to the phone call?


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

StillSearching said:


> NO.
> I thought about this this morning.
> She will, as a last resort, start to spill the beans all over my newly healed soul in an attempt to subdue me into submission and come back.
> I think of it like Ted Bundy telling the law he will tell you where more bodies are if you spare his life.
> F That!


And when she starts cut her off and say, I don't care anymore and then change the subject. 

Remember project a reasonable non-selfish motive onto a narcissist at your own peril. They just don't work like that.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

The last time my serial cheating ex-husband called up asking me out, we'd been divorced for nearly 2 years and he'd been engaged to his now-wife for _at least_ 3 months....

I just decided that you can't fix crazy and you can't fix stupid. And, apparently, he's both. :yawn2:


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## StillSearching (Feb 8, 2013)

Kamstel said:


> What was your girlfriends reaction to the phone call?


She's quite neurotic, which is fine with me, but no need to tell her.
She would default to "You are going back to her" mode.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Rowan said:


> The last time my serial cheating ex-husband called up asking me out, we'd been divorced for nearly 2 years and he'd been engaged to his now-wife for _at least_ 3 months....
> 
> I just decided that you can't fix crazy and you can't fix stupid. And, apparently, he's both. :yawn2:


I hope he heard laughter in the distance as you slowly and quietly hung up the phone.


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## Steelman (Mar 5, 2018)

I'd probably bang her a couple times and then say, "eh.... not interested".


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## Taxman (Dec 21, 2016)

Steelman said:


> I'd probably bang her a couple times and then say, "eh.... not interested".


Funny, but no, never stick your d*** in crazy. It is an axiom that I have taught my son. From personal experience, watched my best man marry a woman that was clinically bipolar. The manic phase hit, and over the space of a month, she systematically bankrupted him, then when caught, took a bottle of pills. At that point a divorce was the only way out. Marriage lasted less than six months. Bankruptcy took a bit longer.


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## BigbadBootyDaddy (Jun 18, 2018)

When my Ex Wife reached out, I had a simple response; “I don’t water dead flowers”


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## WorkingWife (May 15, 2015)

StillSearching said:


> I just got a call from my ex wife. She says "I'm so sad. It's not a happy time. You are funny and handsome and we did have 25 years together. You want to go out tonight?" I said NO I have to work on my car. "WE" didn't have 25 years together, I had 25 years while you were out banging and lying about it. What's up with these WS even a year later still in fantasy land fog? BTW, She knows about my GF. Women can be conniving. What is she up too?


She knows you have a GF? Ahhhh.... I call this the "toy in the street" syndrome. A little girl leaves her favorite dolly in the street by the front yard. Her parents tell her if she doesn't bring her dolly in, she's going to lose it. But she has lost interest in her once favorite dolly because she has a new, shinier and prettier dolly that can drink and even talk! Days go by and her parents remind her a few more times then give up. Rain and mud get on old dolly, but she doesn't notice or care.

THEN ONE DAY the little girl is outside and see's two sisters across the street playing with old, forgotten dolly. They have cleaned her up and put a new dress on her and they are having so much fun. Suddenly, little girl WANTS OLD DOLLY BACK! She can't STAND watching those little *****es next door play with HER FAVORITE dolly! She tries to take her back but they say she is theirs now. Her mom tells her, sorry honey, but you didn't take care of her so I gave her away.

The little girl is devastated. She rails. She cries. She LOVED THAT DOLLY! NO OTHER DOLLY WILL DO!!!! She just didn't know it until she saw someone wanted it.

Meanwhile, new dolly is starting to lose her shine. Her voice went out and she stinks because because the little girl put real milk in her baby bottle. She lost an arm in a tug of war between little girl and her brother. New Dolly gets thrown away and now the little girl doesn't have ANY dolly and SHE EATS HER HEART OUT watching the neighbor girls have a blast with her old dolly every day.


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## StillSearching (Feb 8, 2013)

Update:
This morning I get a text......I'm annoyed now.
I didn't even respond....


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## syhoybenden (Feb 21, 2013)

Can't you block her?


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

OMG block her!


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## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

Taxman said:


> I concur with Thound, it is likely her last ****-buddy headed for the hills, and the pickings are slim. So, her hormone addled brain sez, lets call the ex, and see if he is up for another round. Too bad, she has been replaced. Now, I have seen this, and even described one or two incidents. My fave is the one where the despicable POS ex shows up on her former front doorstep, she is crying, sobbing, dressed to the nines with mascara running down her cheeks. She tearfully says that she ruined her life, but if he sees his way clear, she will make it all up to him. Moments later, a woman descends the staircase. She is younger and prettier than the creature on the front stoop. She flashes a big engagement ring, and says sorry, we gave at the office, and slams the door on the ex. The ex leaves, totally defeated. That is what should await ExMrs StillSearching.


That would make a great soap opera episode.
In fact, I'm pretty sure it has!


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

StillSearching said:


> Update:
> This morning I get a text......I'm annoyed now.
> I didn't even respond....


My only concern in this is that she may be attempting to poison your current relationship. If you respond with any hint of interest she will twist it and forward to your GF.

Ignore, do not engage.


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## dubsey (Feb 21, 2013)

send back a list of your memories...

"here's what I remember...

bad thing 1
bad thing 2
bad thing 3

want to keep playing this game?"


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

tell her that she got her memories confused with a one of her lovers.


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## AKA Broken Arrow (Feb 19, 2016)

I'd tell her "we DID have awesome memories...past tense."


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Nooo, dont tell her ANYTHING! Dont respond! Block!


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## StillSearching (Feb 8, 2013)

3Xnocharm said:


> Nooo, dont tell her ANYTHING! Dont respond! Block!


Any response and she'd show up naked at my house.


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## Taxman (Dec 21, 2016)

My response would be, "funny, all of my memories of you are bad."

Leave it at that.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Tell her you are in a relationship with someone else and to keep her texts to about your kids. In other words just because she is a cheater doesn't mean everyone is.


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

Her calling you up and trying to romance you a little, is straight out of the narcissist's handbook. They really think they are the smartest people in the room, and everyone isn't onto them.

I wouldn't engage with her, at all. If she doesn't want to discuss your son, why even have a conversation? And now that you have a gf, she wants to try to lure you away, not because she misses you, but because she doesn't want you to be happy. Once your relationship ends with the new gf, she'll go back to ignoring you. I'd not engage any longer. You don't have to give her excuses, and don't even engage in the arguing.

If she ever says this again, say...''Sorry, I gotta go now, nice chatting.'' And hang up. Every. Single. Time.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Your son is 21. You can't fix him or your x.

At some point you have to let them grow up. 

You have a choice either block her on everything tell your son you are there if he needs you or keep this mess in your life.

You currently are keeping yourself in this. For what purpose? I don't see one.


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## OnTheFly (Mar 12, 2015)

Good grief! The audacity of some adulterers is astounding.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

*Deidre* said:


> Her calling you up and trying to romance you a little, is straight out of the narcissist's handbook. They really think they are the smartest people in the room, and everyone isn't onto them.
> 
> I wouldn't engage with her, at all. If she doesn't want to discuss your son, why even have a conversation? And now that you have a gf, she wants to try to lure you away, not because she misses you, but because she doesn't want you to be happy. Once your relationship ends with the new gf, she'll go back to ignoring you. I'd not engage any longer. You don't have to give her excuses, and don't even engage in the arguing.
> 
> If she ever says this again, say...''Sorry, I gotta go now, nice chatting.'' And hang up. Every. Single. Time.


TRUTH BOMB!!!! :smnotworthy:


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

michzz said:


> My only concern in this is that she may be attempting to poison your current relationship.


Or your coffee!
:wink2:


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