# Stay or Leave?



## biochyprincess (Jun 26, 2012)

I have been married for almost one year and been together for 5. I am only 21 so he is the only one i have been with. we have a 2 year old together. lately i have been questioning if getting married so young was such a good idea. I feel selfish when i say i want to experience life a little. but as of now i work full time at a retail store so my hours are different every day, my husband works part time in a warehouse (that is supposed to get better) so he takes care of the baby and somewhat the house. I want to go back to school and get a better job but my husband doesnt really support me, says we cant afford it. I cant help but to think i can support my daughter and i by myself than with him. I have had serious thoughts if i truly love him anymore... I feel like i have changed... My family and i are all he has though so it would tear him apart if i left. i dont no what to do and just want some outside opinions


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

You are very young. Too young for most people to get married, imo...but you are married now. For better or worse.

Marriage is HARD, especially in the beginning and being as young as you are. Finances are short and it's tiring. Have you talked to him about it? Have you told him you just need more of him? Do you two get "you" time? That's very important in a marriage...just time for the two of you.

Having a 2 year old is also tiring. I have a 3 year old and I'm 36 but lemme tell ya! It's tiring dealing with a kiddo all day...and if you don't nurture your marriage too, then it will die.

Take a breather, and realize this is the life you chose. Maybe you should have experienced more, but that will have to come later, and it will.

Is he good to you?? Good to your daughter? Is he working his ass off trying to be a good provider along with you?

I would say you just need to work on yourself and talk to him and see what happens. And try to get time for the two of you to enjoy each other again. "Date", if you will.

It's rough when it's all so much, so soon...but it gets better if you want it to.


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## Molly777 (Jun 26, 2012)

Pork chop story--when you cook pork chops--you give him the best one, and the best fork. Not because you have to--but because you love him that much--he in return tries to give it to you.

It takes both people to be totally in love with each other to make it!!

Let's not forget communication & compromising!

I met my husband when I was thirteen--my Mother was very strick--he was only aloud to come to our house on Sunday--from 1 to 9(living room, kitchen or porch). I had to graduate and save 1,000 dollars. We got married--I was 17--he was 20. I got pregnant--the first two weeks--had a girl--than a boy (they are 11.5 months apart). We had lots of fights--we each wanted our way.

We decided to try our hardest to make our marriage work--if it didn't work, we would part ways (never wondering).

We have been married 37 yrs.--we are totally in love with each other (we don't like each other sometimes)!!

His eyes are still as beautiful, as when I first looked into them & he still has a cute butt!!


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## CallaLily (Jan 13, 2011)

I understand you are torn BUT, if he doesn't support you, then I would take that as a first clue as to what is possibly down the road years to come. I understand he is trying to be logical about it, in the sense he says you all don't have the money,but,if he really wanted to support you, he could at least have a little faith that something might work out. I think if you don't do this now, you wont ever do it, and years will pass and you will be very resentful about things, and the marriage will just get worse.


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## Jamison (Feb 10, 2011)

After you get your ducks in a row about school, tell your husband its something you have wanted to do, you're going to do it, and you hope he is supportive. If he isn't, then you still do what you need to do, and tell him to go on his merry way. Also by ducks in a row, I'm not just meaning school, but you need a plan of action as far as a place for you and your child to go to, if worse comes to worse and he isn't supportive and you feel you need to leave.


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## Chelle D (Nov 30, 2011)

Stay.

Maybe tell him you need to be able to go out more/again as a couple, so that you can experience more of life with him.

But... stay. He didn't beat you, doesn't abuse you, didn't cheat, takes care of his kid, helps with house, I assume helps somewhat with bills...

Geesh lady, You've got it made. (I wish I could trade husband qualities!)... I mean, i want to keep my hubby, but wish he'd do some of the things your hub does around house!


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## growtogether (Feb 27, 2012)

Hello, 
I got married at 20, and I'm not 22 (we are together for 3 years now, so or relationship is still new).
I think that it is a normal path to take in a marriage to question ourselves. What are you really committed to in life? For me, a strong relationship is important for me, an important value of my live. I truly believe that we can work it out in all time. 
You most of fall in love with him to be married now. Just as-if you could remember the first month of your life with him, how does it make you feel? Just feel all the love between you two at that time and just bring into the moment present. Is it really that you are not in love with him anymore or is it something else? Working on a relationship and keeping the flame going, need work from you in all time. How committed are you to your relationship right now?


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

School is very important -- I don't care if you're talking college or a vocational training program, you are not going to be able to survive with a child with you working retail and him in a warehouse job. And stats being what stats are, there's a chance you will not remain married, which means you need to be able to support yourself.

More importantly, if he is not willing to support your dreams and desires to better yourself, what does he bring to the table? Because a cute butt doesn't really cut it after a while.


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## janefw (Jun 26, 2012)

biochyprincess said:


> I have been married for almost one year and been together for 5. I am only 21 so he is the only one i have been with. we have a 2 year old together. lately i have been questioning if getting married so young was such a good idea. I feel selfish when i say i want to experience life a little. but as of now i work full time at a retail store so my hours are different every day, my husband works part time in a warehouse (that is supposed to get better) so he takes care of the baby and somewhat the house. I want to go back to school and get a better job but my husband doesnt really support me, says we cant afford it. I cant help but to think i can support my daughter and i by myself than with him. I have had serious thoughts if i truly love him anymore... I feel like i have changed... My family and i are all he has though so it would tear him apart if i left. i dont no what to do and just want some outside opinions


Why does your husband not support you going back to school? Is it the cost? Is he jealous because he would like to go to school? Have you sat down and crunched the figures for going back to school?

Have you considered the option of online school, which will allow you to keep your job? I mean a proper, accredited online course through a local brick and mortar college - not Phoenix, or one of these here today/gone tomorrow online colleges. 

I would *not *advise you to divorce. Raising a child alone is an infinitely more difficult option than working through these issues. Just think - the time he spends now looking after the child when he isn't working - who would fill that gap? Would you have to pay someone to do that? What about when your child is sick? Would you give up a full day's pay instead of your husband's part-time pay to be at home with her? 

I don't believe that you have any good reason to divorce at all, and to take your child away from her father. He isn't abusing you, or cheating on you. It seems like something of a miscommunication, and difference of opinion. Would you really divorce over that? Can love really be so fleeting that it disappears over something like this? 

Really, I think that you would benefit from getting some counseling, and really working out the reality of what you can and can't afford to do - and perhaps if your husband is encouraged to look at the long game, and to see how your family would benefit, and then at some point he could go back to college also, then maybe he would think differently.

I really wouldn't throw a marriage away over this.


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## GPR (Jan 3, 2009)

IMO, it's a little too early to start thinking about leaving. 

Biggest problem here is both of you are still young, and honestly, still immature. Neither of you are probably the best at communication and sharing with each other. You are going to the worst of the "Honeymoon is Over" stage. (That period when the honeymoon period is over, but still recent enough to remember how great it was).

And as far as school and money. Do you have the money? My wife and I got married young and we have both struggled to finish our schooling because of money issues. I totally support her finishing school, but there are times (particularly when we were younger) that we legitimately didn't have the money. But as things improved, it became an option, and it's worked out since then...


But I am willing to bet the school isn't your real issue here. It's the "experiencing life thing". Many people who get married / have kids young will have issues with that. They see people they know, were friends with, talking about college, and parties and adventures. And they feel left out. And you know what... You did miss out on some things... It's a fact. 

But with you having a kid, leaving your husband isn't some magical cure to "experiencing life". A divorce isn't going to magically bring those fun and wild times to you. You won't have the freedom of an uninhibited unattached college kid. Not without a serious lack of responsibility on your part. 

You just need to remember that you are experiencing other forms of life. There are great things you can do as a married couple. It might be some work, and no it's not easy and it's not like the movies. Life is not like a romantic comedy just like it's not like Project X. But if you give up now, I think you will be sorry for it.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

It's not that he doesn't support school. He is SCARED of having to support the family and making sure shet still gets taking care of. Also, he'd see less of you, etc. 

It's not unsupportive, although it may seem that way, he is just nervous about change. KNOW that about your man so you know how to approach him about change in the future.


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