# Sick of this teeter-totter



## plymouth71 (May 10, 2010)

Hi internet, I just dropped by to vent. You're such a great listener!

My H is working on a project right now where he gets to set his own hours. He asked me to help him wake up early, around 7:30, so he can start work by 9. I woke up at 7:30, made love to him so his day would start out on a good note, thought he was awake, then drifted back to sleep. I awoke with a start around 11:45 with him still next to me.

I woke him up again and when he realized what time it was, he was furious. I jumped out of bed and packed him a lunch while he railed about all the work he had missed because I didn't get him up, and if this were a real job, he would have been fired. I offered to drive him over but he said he would rather walk. He smoked a bowl to calm down, all the while lecturing me on how important it was for me to wake him up and he was counting on me, but now his whole day was ruined and he didn't even feel like working on the project.

About a hour and a half had passed like this when I asked if I could take a shower. He said sure, he was going to walk to the site. I got in the shower and when I was done, found him still there. He had changed his mind and wanted a ride to the site. I threw on some clothes, grabbed his lunch and grabbed my keys.

It's now almost 2 pm. I still need to go to the gym, run to the post office, the bank, develop his film and get dinner made. So when I ask him if he's ready to go, he starts in telling me how wonderful I am, how lucky he is to be with me, how I don't need to stress out over everything, how I need to just relax, and he starts trying to hug and kiss me. I froze up a little bit. He hugged and kissed and groped until I started crying. Finally he said, Well if you're gonna cry about it, I guess you can just take me to work.

I didn't really want to hug and kiss and make out when he'd made such a fuss about being so late - I wanted to take him to work so I could try to get my housework done and welcome him home in a better mood. When he switches gears like that, from telling me his whole day was ruined because of me, to telling me he's so lucky to be with me, I get whiplash. It felt insincere, or maybe I just didn't feel worthy of his compliments.

Feeling better after an hour in the gym. Currently poaching a chicken for dinner. Hope tonight goes better and I can wake him up early tomorrow.


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

plymouth71 said:


> I woke him up again and when he realized what time it was, he was furious. I jumped out of bed and packed him a lunch while he railed about all the work he had missed because I didn't get him up, and if this were a real job, he would have been fired. I offered to drive him over but he said he would rather walk. He smoked a bowl to calm down, all the while lecturing me on how important it was for me to wake him up and he was counting on me, but now his whole day was ruined and he didn't even feel like working on the project.


WTF?? seriously?!? your man needs a reality check. he needs to wake himself up. I cannot believe he lectured you and practically blamed you for not feeling like working on his project. I hope next time he pulls something so stupid you tell him to grow up.


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## plymouth71 (May 10, 2010)

I learned from dating him that any anger directed from me to him would be met with him disappearing or leaving me, no matter how seemingly justified I might be in my anger. So I have learned to turn my anger towards myself if I can't squelch it entirely.

Apart from this though, and a couple small problems, we have a solid relationship. He works to support me and appreciates the work I do at home. He made a lot of sacrifices to make me his wife, including ostracizing himself from many of his friends who disapproved of me.


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

plymouth71 said:


> So I have learned to turn my anger towards myself if I can't squelch it entirely.


Do you feel any resentment for hiding your anger? You dont necessarily have to approach him in anger. You could calmly tell him he's an adult and responsible for waking himself up. If he asks you to wake him up again, just calmly tell him to wake himself up. Otherwise, if you agree to wake him up every time, this could get ugly. resentment builds slowly but it can destroy your marriage.



plymouth71 said:


> his friends who disapproved of me.


why do they disapprove of you?


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## plymouth71 (May 10, 2010)

His friends dissaproved because I used to be a stripper, and he was holding out for a blue blood rich girl who broke his heart. Everyone wanted them to get back together, not see him throw his life away with a stripper.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Susan2010 (Apr 19, 2010)

There is absolutely nothing about this posting that makes any kind of sense.



plymouth71 said:


> I awoke with a start around 11:45 with him still next to me.


How is it two people both sleep til noon?



plymouth71 said:


> I woke him up again and when he realized what time it was, he was furious. I jumped out of bed and packed him a lunch while he railed about all the work he had missed because I didn't get him up


You did wake him. How is it your fault that he didn't get up? Why did you allow him to blame you like this?




plymouth71 said:


> He smoked a bowl to calm down


Okay, well now I know why sleeping till noon.



plymouth71 said:


> About a hour and a half had passed like this


So he's railing you for waking him but he didn't get up, and he's still there an hour and half later????????????????? It was sooooo important that you wake him!!! It was sooooo terrible of you for waking him like he asked but he didn't get up and blamed YOU, but he's still there some 90 minutes later. WTF!



plymouth71 said:


> About a hour and a half had passed like this when I asked if I could take a shower.


What do you mean you asked if you could take a shower? Please tell me I am reading this all wrong!



plymouth71 said:


> I got in the shower and when I was done, found him still there.


Oh no he is not still there. I have no idea, cannot even imagine why you are lying on this man. It is all your imagination. Surely nobody puts up with this.



plymouth71 said:


> So when I ask him if he's ready to go, he starts in telling me how wonderful I am, how lucky he is to be with me, how I don't need to stress out over everything, how I need to just relax, and he starts trying to hug and kiss me. I froze up a little bit. He hugged and kissed and groped until I started crying. Finally he said, Well if you're gonna cry about it, I guess you can just take me to work.


This horrible thing you have done by waking him as he requested but he didn't get up and blamed it all on you; this cardinal sin you committed in making him miss so much work for waking him but he didn't get up and blamed it all on you; he is still there two hours later; and now he wants some coochie. Meaning you got fussed out for nothing when you had done as he asked in the first place. There was no concern WHATSOEVER for time except that he made it something to turn against you. And you took it. And then you cried. Oh hell.



plymouth71 said:


> I didn't really want to hug and kiss and make out when he'd made such a fuss about being so late


You still didn't get it. He wasn't late. He had no concern for time AT ALL.



plymouth71 said:


> I wanted to take him to work so I could try to get my housework done and welcome him home in a better mood. When he switches gears like that, from telling me his whole day was ruined because of me, to telling me he's so lucky to be with me, I get whiplash. It felt insincere, or maybe I just didn't feel worthy of his compliments.


That's the thing. That's the whole clue to this insanity of a blog. My dear, I beg of you to get counseling so you learn what the word "worthy" means and you are able to gain some self worth, some self esteem, and confidence. You don't need this idiot yanking your strings like this. You need to recognize that is what he is, a total idiot. I don't care what you used to do. I don't care if you go back to doing it. You have nothing to be grateful for in this guy if this is the way he treats you. And then, whiplash and much worse is your future if you keep allowing him and if you don't grow up. This man is not your father.


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## plymouth71 (May 10, 2010)

One teeny tiny editorial note here - yes, we slept till noon. But his work day usually lasts 8, 10, even 12 hours. We get as much done as normal people, we just do it later.

And for the record, I so love grocery shopping at 2 am. No lines, no screaming kids, plenty of room in the parking lot. Its awesome.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

plymouth71 said:


> His friends dissaproved because I used to be a stripper, and he was holding out for a blue blood rich girl who broke his heart. Everyone wanted them to get back together, not see him throw his life away with a stripper.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


So how does this dynamic play out in your marriage? 

I personally feel my H settled for me. My in-laws are doctors and engineers, MIL has a phD in theoretical math. im a college drop out. the girls my H liked were also engineers with IQ's off the charts. im just an average girl. i feel incredibly inferior around my H and i think its played out in our marriage in many ways.


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## plymouth71 (May 10, 2010)

That's a good question, Blanca. I took great pride in my job and it made me feel attractive and fun, until my H and I started getting serious. When I would come home from work, he would ask me who I was, or leave and come back later when my stage name persona was gone.

I quit for good about a year ago. I only wear the barest bit of make up and I don't own any high heels anymore. I think my H still resents all the experience I have and all the other people who saw me naked, so I dress as conservatively as I can for 90 degree weather.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

plymouth71 said:


> That's a good question, Blanca. I took great pride in my job and it made me feel attractive and fun, until my H and I started getting serious. When I would come home from work, he would ask me who I was, or leave and come back later when my stage name persona was gone.
> 
> I quit for good about a year ago. I only wear the barest bit of make up and I don't own any high heels anymore. I think my H still resents all the experience I have and all the other people who saw me naked, so I dress as conservatively as I can for 90 degree weather.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


that's crazy you say that because i feel like i "quit" who i was after i met my H, too. i never had a problem being a college drop out. all my friends basically were. but my H was snobby and my friends werent good enough for him. so i stopped talking to them and basically changed who i was. now i have no friends, im back in school and i think the only reason im doing it is to try and fit in with his friends and make his family respect me. 

do you ever want to go back and be the old you again? im having that crisis myself. while the "new" me is more impressive to everyone else (my family included), im not really happy and i miss the old me.


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## plymouth71 (May 10, 2010)

I gave up my friends too - and a couple of exes I considered actual good friends. I'm actually heading to visit family right now and I'm going to entrust my sister with a photo album and wipe my laptop's hard drive of pictures. My H made it very clear that I had to chose my past or him.

I miss the old me sometimes. I miss wearing shorts, eye liner, I miss listening to my dance music, I miss being in the company of women, even crazy strippers, lol. I have tried to branch out and join a church to make friends, or even a book club or coffee circle, but my H says we're too busy and I shouldn't be looking to outside people for validation.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

plymouth71 said:


> I have tried to branch out and join a church to make friends, or even a book club or coffee circle, but my H says we're too busy and I shouldn't be looking to outside people for validation.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


im joining a church too. lol. it sounds like your H tells you what to do a lot. do you feel subservient towards him? why dont you just go join a club? why are you so afraid of making him angry?


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## plymouth71 (May 10, 2010)

When I was a stripper and we fought about it, my then boyfriend just came out and said "so I guess stripping is more important to you than me." I still hear that phrase when we fight about anything. I have to prove daily that there's absolutely nothing and no one in my life I love more than him.

I'm afraid if I make him really angr he'll destroy something I value or hurt me. He won't leave me, I don't think, since he tells me all the time how much he loves me and there's no one else he'd rather be with, but he does feel justified in hurting my feelings if I've hurt him somehow. I just don't want it to get any worse.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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