# Aura of attraction



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

This is something I thought I should share in regards to building and maintaining sexual attraction from your wife. Aside from manning up, teasing/romance/flirting... there's still something else in my formula.

Sure I call it the "jealousy game", which people are quick to judge. However it's more of an aura of attraction, and I do it subconsciously. All it really takes is just maintaining a confident posture, a smooth tongue, looking good and smelling good - in addition to manning up, and that is just personal maintainance. 

You don't have to flirt with other women, as that will most definitely BE a jealousy game, and can lead to more trouble then it's worth. However, who says you can't get other women to flirt with you instead simply by being who you are? You have to be cunning in this, and I keep my bases covered, body language is an excellent way to fun-flirt back and instill some competition, but not going too far. Even when my wife accuses me of flirting I respond that I'm indeed just being friendly and didn't want to be rude . Sexy, but only friendly. Nothing she can prove.

I learnt this "keeping bases covered" strategy ironically from my own wife years ago before marriage, I knew full well what she did, she definitely seduced me from my ex girlfriend, but I could NEVER prove it. Now I'm using her tricks, so whenever she does withdraw from me and I'm actually in the mood, I still have this ace up my sleeve.

Be careful though, it's very easy to get carried away in this. Your goal is to send her the message that "you're a hot, trophy pet that one is very lucky to have", but NOT that "you're a cheater, a disloyal bastard, flirting and cheating with other women". It's walking on a dagger's edge but that's what makes it fun.

Sometimes it does go out of hand without your consent, like when a lady simply can't resist pushing the boundaries by kissing you or touching you inappropriately, like what happened to me and hell my wife definitely made a huge scene "scratching up the harpy" in the past. One can only get better and better at this however.


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

RandomDude said:


> This is something I thought I should share in regards to building and maintaining sexual attraction from your wife. Aside from manning up, teasing/romance/flirting... there's still something else in my formula.
> 
> Sure I call it the "jealousy game", which people are quick to judge. However it's more of an aura of attraction, and I do it subconsciously. All it really takes is just maintaining a confident posture, a smooth tongue, looking good and smelling good - in addition to manning up, and that is just personal maintainance.
> 
> ...


Surely that’s gaslighting and mind games? If that’s what you’re at as far as I’m concerned not nice at all plus there are far better ways to maintain a wife’s affection.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Personally I didn't even know I've been doing this until self-reflection, it's part of me and done instinctively rather then calculatively, learnt over the years. Instilling jealousy itself is a very dangerous game, but instilling a small sense of competition, I see no harm done.

It's not nice, but life ain't about just being nice. The teasing/flirting/romance exclusively with my wife does the same job sure, and if it works, it works. Me? I get bored of it. Makes her happy sure but doesn't make me happy. I feel stupid at times if I only just tease/flirt and romance just her ALL the time, and hey I just don't like being the good guy ALL the time either.

The best way I found to balance this, is to maintain the aura of attraction, but also be still exclusive to your wife. It avoids the bad things that can happen with jealousy, but keeps the good things about it. That's what I'm presently learning.

My bad boy traits are just as much a part of me as my nice guy traits, I'm learning how to combine both together to be a better man. This is not easy for me to admit either, and I make sure when others find me attractive, I make sure that I'm just a natural. And even if they suspect, they can't prove anything. Hence I call it more of an "aura" then a game.


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## tobio (Nov 30, 2010)

RandomDude said:


> You don't have to flirt with other women, as that will most definitely BE a jealousy game, and can lead to more trouble then it's worth. However, who says you can't get other women to flirt with you instead simply by being who you are? You have to be cunning in this, and I keep my bases covered, body language is an excellent way to fun-flirt back and instill some competition, but not going too far. *Even when my wife accuses me of flirting I respond that I'm indeed just being friendly and didn't want to be rude* . Sexy, but only friendly. Nothing she can prove.
> 
> Be careful though, it's very easy to get carried away in this. Your goal is to send her the message that "you're a hot, trophy pet that one is very lucky to have", but NOT that "you're a cheater, a disloyal bastard, flirting and cheating with other women". It's walking on a dagger's edge but that's what makes it fun.
> 
> Sometimes it does go out of hand without your consent, like when a lady simply can't resist pushing the boundaries by kissing you or touching you inappropriately, like what happened to me and hell my wife definitely made a huge scene "scratching up the harpy" in the past. One can only get better and better at this however.


Yeah, the bit I highlighted. Funnily enough this was EXACTLY what my OH said about the girl he had an EA with. He was nice to her and took her phone number because he "didn't want to be rude."

What you are saying... Well: just because YOU see it as harmless, that does not mean that a) your wife does or b) that it is. Remember there is a third party involved here. What if *they* don't see it as harmless fun? Does your wife deserve that? What is your need to prove you are someone she is very lucky to have by way of that behaviour? Is that not like rubbing your previous infidelity in her face by carrying on that kind of interaction with the opposite sex, even if in your words it is "harmless"? Do you ever see any connection between your behaviour like you outlined above and her perpetual need to ravish you above and beyond what you consider acceptable? I think she has that heightened "need" because of what you did and how you behave.

I think you create your own problems.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Sounds sick and a tad disgusting.
Oh and just like the poster above me said: my exH said the same bull about "not wanting to be rude." Turns out my suspicion was on point after all. Lame.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

If you had been a victim of being cheated on, and if your husband used that line with you, then it's obvious that it's wrong, but the line itself can't be blamed for their actions.

And you have missed out my point not to take it too far. I've experienced firsthand what happens when it's taken too far, not to mention how my wife feels. However, I still stand that I see nothing wrong in keeping yourself attractive and charming for more then just one's wife.

It's ironic that the missus was once the one who led me to learn this when we were best friends, then we played it with each other when we became bf/gf, including other teases. Now she's not so happy with it, and ain't as secure as she once was, my fault, hence I repeat; I'm not encouraging men to take it too far.



> What if *they* don't see it as harmless fun?


That's my cold side, I don't care. Nor have I ever cared in the past when it came to the game, only time I care is if it's to do with my wife. My wife was even crueler then I with others in the past when our level of trust was more established, people who disrespected our relationship we led them on for amusement.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

I am going to honest here i cant hold off - From your post I get the sense that you are never relaxed and lest of all with your wife. Your relationship seems to be a chess game where you have to stay one move ahead but for some reason you chose women as your chess pieces. There seems to me that when you win, your wife loses or the other way around. Your goal seems to be keep her as far away and unbalaned as possible to break her as you said. What has she done to you that you center your anger on her? 

This takes a tremendous amount of energy to play a game of chess day in and day out. If it is all a game then you have a relationship based on your gamesmanship. The odds are that one day you may make a bad move that will be fatal for the relationship. Who knows, Your wife may get weary of the games and stop playing. She is attractive and she may eventually attract the notice of a man who has the capacity to be emotionally supportive. She is certainly vulnerable if her emotion needs are not being met. 

What do you think? That's what I see when I read your post. Most of them I cannot understand. I get feeling that your marital life and home are emotionally chaotic. I wonder about your child thriving in this environment. If the emotional chaos affects her mother then by extension it effects her.

I understand from your post that you have had a hard way to go in your childhood but is that the fault of women? Why do you focus your rage and games on women? What if you did the same to men, that would really be the challenge wouldn't it? Men would be adept at matching you move for move. To pick on women who emotinally attach to you is the easy move. I don't know why you feel pride in this..

I may be completely wrong and if I am please accept my apology. I don't mean to criticize you but to inform you about how you seem to me. It may help or not. I believe what we put out we get back. Perhaps some life event batter and wound you and you will have an oppurtunity to be a better man.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

That's a great post, Catherine. I've been reading RD's posts for awhile and it does seem he gets pleasure from causing her emotional pain/enjoys keeping her offbalance. Not that she's a. Saaint, but you seem to treat her poorly.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Thats because you guys know me as the resident bad guy 

Yes I'm an a$$, and I didn't deny it in this thread, hence I encourage men to not take it as far as me - as that will make it a jealousy game and can really tap into insecurities.

My problems are my problems, this thread isn't intended to deal with my issues - which go beyond this little game - and this is something that I've actually learnt to tone down. Others however, meh... need to find some balance in it.

But I'm not going to deny the usefulness of simply keeping yourself attractive and charming to women either then your wife. As much of an evil b-stard that I am, can't argue with the results. But I learnt my lesson too that the results can also do more damage then good. Hence I mentioned to others not to take it too far.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Are you implying that I am posting on your thread because I have been manipulated by your [email protected] persona like the weak women you target. Your reason for the thread is to get a rise out of women, right? 

Do you really think a weak women would be able to post something that makes you deflect her observations? Weak women are too busy trying to get you to like them; they are too fearful of your critical appraisal to post an opposing view. 

This post is about your problems and it reveals what you are. I think you are a poser badass. The methods you advocate would not be attractive to the average man. 

Men are angry yes but that is because they want a connection with women who understand them. There are not many men who dispise women and target weak and vulnerable ones. 

Men have just as much compassion as women. I would even say that they are more protective of women than they are to their own gender. The posts on this forum is ample evidence of that.

There is not much "game" targeting weak women. Don't you think in a way those women you hurt and feel nothing for represent that 12 year-old vulnerable child that you were? You despise him and that's probably why you target women who are damaged and troubled. 

Are you striking back at that soft hearted boy who was empathetic? He got you into trouble; he was not enough of a hardened [email protected] to protect you. 

But men were probably your tormentors why don't you bravely stand up to the real source of your problems. I think that boy is still there and he rules your life. Do you really think you are successful at your gaming.

Just sayin'


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

> I think you create your own problems.


:lol: For reals!


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

No I am implying that this thread's purpose is being misunderstood out of criticism of me rather then my opinion. And it seems I'm correct.

This thread is not even about weak or strong women. And the reason for this thread is to offer last resorts to men prior to divorcing their wives. Whether they wish to use it is their choice. I don't know why you are bringing what I posted in the anxiety/depression section into this thread. 

I repeated myself so many times on this thread but why are you unable to listen? I acknowledge the damage that can occur when this game is taken too far, and I discourage it being taken too far. Read my post carefully.

But I'm being the devil's advocate here and admitting honestly that this game does work, for the same reason when others find our wives attractive we men are also attracted. It's the same psychology as the bandwagon effect in marketing.

As for trying to insult me calling me a poser badass have I ever denied my weak points on this forum? By posting this thread where have I mentioned strong and weak women - where did that come from? Do go around telling men to be more "bad"? I would be the first to admit that both the traits of "bad boys" and "nice guys" have strengths and weaknesses that any men should learn to take the good without the bad to become REAL men.

In other threads I speak of my weaknesses to improve myself, I don't proclaim myself as a "real man" I admit all the time that I have as much problems as the "nice guys" here who complain about not having enough sex even if my problems are on the flip side.

Sheez :scratchhead:


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

But since this strong/weak women thing is brought upon, might as well respond to that too. You think in all my years I targetted weak women specifically? Where in the hell you come up with that analysis?

OFFTOPIC:

My first was strong, and my wife was strong, every other women I WISHED they were strong. I spent all my love life looking for STRONG women to "target", as they were the only type of women I could love and respect. I could not respect weakness which unfortunately most women in the past proved themselves to be.

In fact, I complain that my wife isn't strong enough nowadays compared to how she was in the past. I loved her strength, and her ability to beat me at my own game. I didn't need to change, and her playing the game with me and fitness testing me I accepted it and loved it. It was like sparring for me.

There was a good balance of sparring and lovemaking in the past with my wife, due to her strength the games were simply games to be played and were unable to hurt her nor was she able to hurt me. Now however yes she's put on the good girl shoes but do you think I wanted this?!

But I respected her for who she once was, and now I'm taking steps to be the "good guy" as well due to commitment to her, acknowledging my issues like in the anxiety/depression thread. Feminists say we men should believe in equality, judge women by their merits. And I do, meritocracy is part of me, but meritocracy itself and equality doesn't always go together. If strong women were so common I wouldn't have only found very few women all my life out of so many who I could end up respecting.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Au contraire--I don't think RD "targeted weak women." 

I just think RD sees any woman who is open emotionally to him and is able to be emotionally vulnerable with him as "weak." When in fact, it's the other way around.

All this "game playing" that you and your wife do back and forth is going to be your downfall.


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## bellamaxjoy (Oct 27, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> Au contraire--I don't think RD "targeted weak women."
> 
> I just think RD sees any woman who is open emotionally to him and is able to be emotionally vulnerable with him as "weak." When in fact, it's the other way around.
> 
> All this "game playing" that you and your wife do back and forth is going to be your downfall.


amen.
I am newish here, and I cant believe some of your posts RD. You make no sense half the time, and the other half, I swear you create your own issues............its like a train wreck. I want to look away every time I see you post, but I cant help myself.........


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