# during divorce, sharing kids. Help



## I want the kids! (Apr 17, 2012)

We have no legal papers in place to guide this sharing so I pose the question to you here.

What have you found to be good for the kids. boy 3 & girl 5.

My wife had let me keep the kids every night and almost all the weekend. Now as we are one month from trial her new lawyer must have told her that doesn't look good so she has been pushing for more time. We have (she has really) come up with a 50/50 night deal.

She gets the kids Sunday & mon, I get them Tues. Her Wed. Me thur & Fri. Her Sat.
Then Me Sun, her mon, me tues, her wed & thur, Me fri & sat.

This is the best I could get as far as no school nights. Every Fri and every other Sat.

What do you think? Personally I think it will be too little too late for her but you never know.

I am still fighting for full custody!


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## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

I want the kids! said:


> We have no legal papers in place to guide this sharing so I pose the question to you here.
> 
> What have you found to be good for the kids. boy 3 & girl 5.
> 
> ...


Why are they switching in the middle for one day each?

That's far too confusing for them.

What's wrong with 2-2-3?


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## I want the kids! (Apr 17, 2012)

I guess nothing is wrong with it but I am just following my wifes lead. The way it had been was perfect. I got the kids everynight for bedtime and most all the weekend. I guess I said that already.

I just don't like the idea of my wife taking the kids to stay at her boyfriends and then making the kids share one bed. I tried to convince her that normalcy would be better. Also the kids need a place they can feel safe in and call their own. I told her you can get bunk beds for like 200 bucks. She doesn't see anything wrong with what she is doing.

She also lied and told me OM wasn't staying there while the kids would be there. OM understands my point about not being together in front of the kids because we are still married.

I know she lied though because my daughter tells me the truth that OM was there etc.

I want full custody.


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

The sad fact is that unless you can convince a court that the boyfriend can't be around, you cannot stop it. You will not be able to control that portion of your wife's behavior, regardless of whether or not you think it in the children's best interest. (And I'm not disagreeing with you).
The switching back and forth during the week is more harmful to most kids, than spending time with the boyfriend. I believe kids that age thrive with some routine, as the structure provides them with some semblance of security. I'd quit trying to convince your STBXW to be a better mother. She didn't listen to you before and it seems like your talking to a brickwall there. Her increased interest in more custody could be from a genuine desire to be with her children, you never really know.


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## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

The one day here, one day there thing is way too much for a kid.

2-2-3 or a 1 week rotation with a mid week sleep over or visit is much better IMO.

Because of my job we are doing a 2 week rotation.


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## I want the kids! (Apr 17, 2012)

I agree with this back and forth stuff stinks. This is the first week we are trying it. Also in two weeks my daughter is out of school for 3 weeks so I'm sure the schedule will change again. 

As far as changing my wife for the better I can't do that. I try to make her see that she is hurting the kids and she always jumps to the conclusion that I am trying to better myself. I say over and over that my actions are for the kids first. Hopefully the court will see what I am trying to do and award me custody. 

Everytime I don't agree 100% with what my wife wants she gets mad and it is so hard to meet in the middle. So I just sort of let her figure this out and then talked to her about getting more over night time on non school nights. This is what she came up with.

Sorta weird too because in her interrogatories she said she didn't want to do the back and forth stuff. Now she has switch almost 100% to back and forth.

I ask my daughters therapist and he said it isn't the best idea but it may work. He basically rode the fence.

I have also informed my daughters teacher to keep an eye out for anything. 

I really am trying to do the best for the kids but with my wife it is hard.


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## I want the kids! (Apr 17, 2012)

Pluto2 said:


> Her increased interest in more custody could be from a genuine desire to be with her children, you never really know.


Early on I had the kids all the time it was great. She was a stay at home mom so she had the kids during the day and was satisfied. Now that she has moved out and started to work part time cleaning houses for under the table money she has less time around the kids. Also the fact that trial is in a month leads me to conclude her lawyer wants her to spend more time with the kids so she can look better for the court. 

I say she abandoned us and moved out. but the court will decide.


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