# WTH-after 19yrs- from 2 I love you's a yr to 3 a day??



## Sillymonkey (Apr 26, 2013)

My husband and I have been married 19yrs and have 2 teenage daughters...18 and 15. It's been a good marriage with its typical ups and downs. My husband is a good man..hardworking...good father..etc... He has never been one to say "I love you" often... Maybe twice a year. However recently it's been 2-3 times a day... if I don't say it getting off the phone he'll call me back and tell me I forgot something...To Tell him I love him. I have always been the one that wanted to hear it more often..Until 10-12 yrs into the marriage when I figured it was a mute point. After all.. he does other things...surprised me with a new car...built my dream porch while i was out of town..etc.. I guess this change has thrown me for a loop.. question...What could have possibly triggered this drastic change NOW when he's always known I needed to hear it more than 2 times a year????


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## Anuvia (Jul 10, 2013)

Sillymonkey said:


> My husband and I have been married 19yrs and have 2 teenage daughters...18 and 15. It's been a good marriage with its typical ups and downs. My husband is a good man..hardworking...good father..etc... He has never been one to say "I love you" often... Maybe twice a year. However recently it's been 2-3 times a day... if I don't say it getting off the phone he'll call me back and tell me I forgot something...To Tell him I love him. I have always been the one that wanted to hear it more often..Until 10-12 yrs into the marriage when I figured it was a mute point. After all.. he does other things...surprised me with a new car...built my dream porch while i was out of town..etc.. I guess this change has thrown me for a loop.. question...What could have possibly triggered this drastic change NOW when he's always known I needed to hear it more than 2 times a year????


Maybe he had a moment of introspection and wants to be an even better husband to you. It happens.


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## JustAnotherMan (Jun 27, 2012)

MHO...he has had a recent experience that has touched his heart and he is reaffirming his commitment to you. You may want to figure out what that experience was...


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## Sillymonkey (Apr 26, 2013)

I told him I appreciated the effort he's making and asked him what initiated the change... he just said he didn't know. At the end of the day...better late than never I guess.


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## Jamison (Feb 10, 2011)

Maybe he realized he should have said it more through out the years and wants to make up for lost time. Nothing else going on with him other than he is telling you he loves you more often?


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## Sillymonkey (Apr 26, 2013)

No nothing that I can tell...Work is good..kids are great...no major events with either family lately...we haven't even talked about the issue in years..weird...


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

Just a guess, but I would not be surprised if a coworker of his was the betrayed spouse in an affair, and that your husband is concerned about not seeing the same thing happen to his marriage. If my theory is correct, he's now overcompensating because he's feeling insecure. Again, just a wild ass guess.


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## Wiltshireman (Jan 23, 2013)

OP,

It sounds as if you are a lucky women who husband is willing to learn how to be a better partner for her.

Men (on the whole) do need a wakeup call every once in a while to keep them on track (a health scare for my wife was mine) but once motivated most of us will do what it takes to make our relationships work.


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## Sillymonkey (Apr 26, 2013)

I did think about the co-worker thing...its a definite possibility.. And i always considered myself lucky...he's never hung out at bars, or had "boys nights" ..although many times I thought he needed one. And on the rare occasion he DOES have a couple of beers, he's usually at a casino with me, his mom and sister. 2 beers and he's drunk..lol..Whatever his reasons are behind the change, i guess don't really matter.


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

Plan 9 from OS said:


> Just a guess, but I would not be surprised if a coworker of his was the betrayed spouse in an affair, and that your husband is concerned about not seeing the same thing happen to his marriage. If my theory is correct, he's now overcompensating because he's feeling insecure. Again, just a wild ass guess.


My thoughts as well. He maybe feeling insecure about yalls marriage too.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Another possibility....since you have been married for 19 yrs... Could be a Mid Life Crisis of sorts and he realizes what he has taken for granted all these years, wants to bring back the Romance, passion.....

I say this ...because it happened TO ME....I know what did it.. I stayed up all night long one night making a Music maker VIDEO of just the 2 of us ....all our years together...we met in our teens... (I recently made a Graduation video for our son, and felt I should make one for our marriage)....so happy I did !

When I played this thing back with a touching mushy love song by Ronan Keating...... my heart melted ...suddenly I realized...."OMG where did all those years go... they flew by so fast [email protected]#$ I was holding my head in my hands, tears streaming down my face... I wanted to grab that young gorgeous man on the screen.. and relive our lives all over again"...it was very powerful for me. 

Before this time, I was kinda taking him for granted, too much into our kids, projects, etc. 

My husband said it started THAT MORNING....he got up to go to work, and I was all over him.... I've never stopped..... it's like a Mid life honeymoon, that was 4 yrs ago now. 

Ask him !


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## Kobo (May 13, 2010)

SimplyAmorous said:


> Another possibility....since you have been married for 19 yrs... Could be a Mid Life Crisis of sorts and he realizes what he has taken for granted all these years, wants to bring back the Romance, passion.....
> 
> I say this ...because it happened TO ME....I know what did it.. I stayed up all night long one night making a Music maker VIDEO of just the 2 of us ....all our years together...we met in our teens... (I recently made a Graduation video for our son, and felt I should make one for our marriage)....so happy I did !
> 
> ...


I would say its something like this. Enjoy it and nourish it.


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

I've read that as men age their testosterone production decreases and estrogen production increases. Typically, this results in us becoming more mellow and less aggressive. Maybe he's just got to the point in life when the scales have tipped.


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## barbados (Aug 30, 2012)

He's probably cheated on you, and now feels very guilty, In truth, I have no idea this is true, but this is EXACTLY what you were thinking when you posted this.


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## doubletrouble (Apr 23, 2013)

barbados said:


> He's probably cheated on you, and now feels very guilty, In truth, I have no idea this is true, but this is EXACTLY what you were thinking when you posted this.


Not the only one... I hope I'm very wrong. I loved Simply's story, and hope that's what's going on in your M.


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## ramgoolams (Feb 2, 2013)

All of the above. More importantly, if this is the only thing you can see/feel different then embrace it and share it with your children.


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## Wiltshireman (Jan 23, 2013)

MaritimeGuy said:


> I've read that as men age their testosterone production decreases and estrogen production increases. Typically, this results in us becoming more mellow and less aggressive. Maybe he's just got to the point in life when the scales have tipped.


OP sorry to thread jack but this intregees me. MaritimeGuy have you got more detail or a link to a reliable site on this as I think I may be experiancing this?


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

Wiltshireman said:


> OP sorry to thread jack but this intregees me. MaritimeGuy have you got more detail or a link to a reliable site on this as I think I may be experiancing this?


Sorry I don't recall where I read it but it does seem to fit typical male behaviour as we age. I would think you could pull up a ton of data with a little research.


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## Vorlon (Sep 13, 2012)

Have to chime in here. A few years back it happened to me. Mid 40s at the time. I told my wife. Look at what you've done to me ..."I have feelings" ) 

It has only gotten worse/better since then. 

I was the one to read all the books, try to new things, plan more dates, etc...I bring her flowers regularly, just because and not when she is mad at me. I cried at things in the last few years that I wouldn't have even let myself feel back in the day. 

Maybe I'm just more in touch, maybe I am just madly in love with my wife of 27 years. Don't know which or why exactly but I think it is a good thing. 

Oh yeah the sex is getting better too.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

MaritimeGuy said:


> I've read that as men age their testosterone production decreases and estrogen production increases. Typically, this results in us becoming more mellow and less aggressive. Maybe he's just got to the point in life when the scales have tipped.


This is very true (I've read a few books on Testosterone)... even though it never fit my husband for some reason... he was never the aggressive type...even in his teens. He was always very loving and naturally romantic.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Wiltshireman said:


> OP sorry to thread jack but this intregees me. MaritimeGuy have you got more detail or a link to a reliable site on this as I think I may be experiancing this?


Here is some articles...talking about if the healthy balance gets TOO out of whack....not really about the emotional side of upped estrogen in men after midlife...but that IS a side effect. 

Discovery Health "Testosterone and Estrogen Balance in Men"

Does A Man's Estrogen Level Rise As His Testosterone Level Gets Lower After 40? 

Long article here...but talks about "too much estrogen"..."Why Testosterone levels decline"...etc >>

MALE HORMONES - General Discussion -DC Nutrition


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Vorlon said:


> Maybe I'm just more in touch, maybe I am just madly in love with my wife of 27 years. Don't know which or why exactly but I think it is a good thing.
> 
> *Oh yeah the sex is getting better too.*


Some of this is likely due to HER shift as well....as women get older, they come in to their sexual Prime...(late 30's -early 40's+ )... while men are starting to slow down a bit... it brings them both to a great place oftentimes....I found this short explanation on the net once & saved it.... 



> "Balance the seesaw."
> 
> When they were first married, the man remembered, he always took the sexual lead, pulling his wife close and whispering his desire to make love. But now, 20 years later, she often makes the first move.
> 
> Again, hormonal changes are bringing the couple into closer balance. Men and women both produce testosterone and estrogen, but the proportion of each changes over the years. The male's shifting levels of estrogen and testosterone may make him more willing to follow than to lead, happy for his wife to set the pace. And as a woman's estrogen declines and her testosterone becomes proportionately greater, she may become more assertive.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

Anuvia said:


> Maybe he had a moment of introspection and wants to be an even better husband to you. It happens.


:iagree: This.


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