# Unhappy with relationship letters -- do they work?



## smartyblue (Jun 22, 2011)

*Have you received a "You're acting like a jerk but I love you" letter? If so, did it change your behavior?*

I have two girlfriends whose respective boyfriends are doing the pull away dance. You know, not returning calls, texts, being vague as to their whereabouts. They are not acting like good boyfriends.

*My advice:* Let the men go. Do not contact them anymore. Their actions are telling you they are not interested anymore. Do not humiliate yourself by writing a letter.
*
Their philosophy: *They want to express their feelings at how hurt they are and how much they miss their boyfriends. 

Any suggestions, recommendations, words of wisdom on the matter?

If you ever saw the episode of "Sex and the City" episode where Carrie and Adian split up and she sits in his chair to read the "goodbye" letter? She discovers it is a lease agreement. Do people (men specifically)n write goodbye letters/emails anymore?


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## SockPuppet (May 16, 2011)

Im sure a lot of guys write goodbye letters. I am not one of them, preffering to deal with the dirty work face to face, and that is what I would suggest your friends do.

Sending the "Your a jerk, love you" letter will only affirm the boyfriends negative behaviour. 

The best advice I could give is, tell your friends to have the conversation in person, or over the phone at the very least. If they cant get ahold of the boyfriends to have said convo, Im bet its a worthless cause and for them ot move on.


How old are these people? It seems like a lot of High School drama in which case Id suggest the girls simply grow up and move on.


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## smartyblue (Jun 22, 2011)

SockPuppet said:


> How old are these people? It seems like a lot of High School drama in which case Id suggest the girls simply grow up and move on.


One is 27 and in a medium distance relationship. The other is 43. Both are super smart women. But when it comes to affairs of the heart even the smartest ones can don a pair of diapers and drive cross country for a man.


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## CLucas976 (Jun 27, 2010)

hmm.

Well, when I was with my first ex boyfriend, he wrote me a letter about how sad he was, how things were going bad, etc. My reaction was that I thought it was cute, I found it confusing, and wasn't really sure if it was serious. It did get us to talk out what our issue was if I remember correctly after I analyzed it.


I wrote my husband a 4 page letter at one point, detailing what hurt, where I was, asking what I should be doing or have done differently etc etc etc. It was met with resentment and anger. I poured my heart into it thinking since any other form of communication got absolutely nowhere that perhaps non emotionally communicating things on paper where he could read it and think about it would help. absolutely wrong. He took it as a letter explaining that I wanted a divorce.

Then again, I had a friend come over and sit down and I wrote out point blank the problems she was having with her spouse, as a list with one cited example that was very simple and plain with no nonsense in it and he kept that list and worked on improving the things she listed.

it's hit or miss.


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