# How often?



## lisalovestom (Oct 10, 2010)

My husband and I have a very active sex life. We average about 6 times a week, sometimes a little more sometimes alittle less. We've been married 20 years. I'm 39 and DH is 41. We're both very happy with the frequency but sometimes I get alittle obsessive about it. It's just that when we don't have sex for a day or two I'm climbing the walls. I start wondering why it isn't happening and have really bugged my DH about it in the past. I've been working on changing that and just being happy with whatever we do. I’m doing pretty good about not bugging him about it or stressing over how often we've been together. He’s reacting wonderfully and I love it. He seems to not be able to get enough of me. I wish I would’ve tried this hard years ago because the reward is so great. It feels good for him to be the one chasing me and reaching out. I like that a lot better than feeling like I’m “making” him.

On to my question, and please forgive the personal nature of the question, but how often would you say that you all average having sex? Oh, and if you don’t mind more personal questions, how old are you and your spouse and how long have you been together? I realize that DH and I are probably not average and I’m happy about that. But when I’m struggling with falling into the obsessive feelings it would be good to know how often others are active. It would probably put things into perspective! Thanks!!

Bye,
Lisa


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

lisalovestom said:


> On to my question, and please forgive the personal nature of the question, but how often would you say that you all average having sex? Oh, and if you don’t mind more personal questions, how old are you and your spouse and how long have you been together? I realize that DH and I are probably not average and I’m happy about that. But when I’m struggling with falling into the obsessive feelings it would be good to know how often others are active. It would probably put things into perspective! Thanks!!


Lisa , about feeling you "want it more" and feeling a little obsessive - Found this online once reading about this issue 



> *Balance the seesaw.*
> 
> When they were first married, the man remembered, he always took the sexual lead, pulling his wife close and whispering his desire to make love. But now, 20 years later, she often makes the first move.
> 
> Again, hormonal changes are bringing the couple into closer balance. Men and women both produce testosterone and estrogen, but the proportion of each changes over the years. The male's shifting levels of estrogen and testosterone may make him more willing to follow than to lead, happy for his wife to set the pace. And as a woman's estrogen declines and her testosterone becomes proportionately greater, she may become more assertive.




Me (44) & mine (47) married 21 + years average 4-6 times a week -been going strong for 3 yrs now but before this time our sex life was pretty pathetic, very vanilla and predictably once a weekish (on occasion more) -we waited till we were "starving" and never did anything new , spicy or creative. So now we are making up for lost time.

I still kick myself , even getting emotional sometimes - for not taking MORE advantage of him in his younger years. If you had all of that going on for most of your marriage, you sure was doing a site better than us.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

At 41 - 7 years ago - that frequency would have been fine. But relentless pressure would have taken much of the fun out of it. 




lisalovestom said:


> My husband and I have a very active sex life. We average about 6 times a week, sometimes a little more sometimes alittle less. We've been married 20 years. I'm 39 and DH is 41. We're both very happy with the frequency but sometimes I get alittle obsessive about it. It's just that when we don't have sex for a day or two I'm climbing the walls. I start wondering why it isn't happening and have really bugged my DH about it in the past. I've been working on changing that and just being happy with whatever we do. I’m doing pretty good about not bugging him about it or stressing over how often we've been together. He’s reacting wonderfully and I love it. He seems to not be able to get enough of me. I wish I would’ve tried this hard years ago because the reward is so great. It feels good for him to be the one chasing me and reaching out. I like that a lot better than feeling like I’m “making” him.
> 
> On to my question, and please forgive the personal nature of the question, but how often would you say that you all average having sex? Oh, and if you don’t mind more personal questions, how old are you and your spouse and how long have you been together? I realize that DH and I are probably not average and I’m happy about that. But when I’m struggling with falling into the obsessive feelings it would be good to know how often others are active. It would probably put things into perspective! Thanks!!
> 
> ...


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

Congratulations on your healthy sex life. 

As long as you can both handle it, do it as often as you can. My opinion. 

I am 38, my husband is 34. We have been together for 8 years. 

We used to have sex 3 or 4 times a week, never complained. 

Boom, last year I became a nympho again. I wanted sex three times a day. My husband still kept the same, he only wanted to cum three or four times a week, but he let me have him as often as I wanted. What a wild year. 

This year I am getting better, usually once a day! 

Don't know why, the orgasms I had before weren't that powerful, started in May last year, my orgasms have become very powerful and they last a long time! 

Don't know if it is my age thing, or something else.


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

I don't think that it matters how often a couple is having sex, as long as it is a quantity and quality that BOTH of them are happy with. You don't need to compare yourself to others - just enjoy each other!


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## Master.of.the.Cave (Jan 16, 2011)

:-(


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Never times per year. Since our mid thirties, twenty years ago. Before that slightly more than zero, 1? At 24 we had stopped having sex for 2.5 years. That therapist actually blanched. I don't think she believed me and she suggested I was lying to cover up an affair. Not true. A few times after that. Then of course crack the whip time to conceive children until around age 30. A few times after that maybe 2 or 3 or 4 until age 34 then zero. Then Clinton and Bush were in the White House, then Obama and here we are. Zero.


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## piqued (Mar 25, 2010)

we go in spurts, no pun intended. Sometimes we'll go 2 or 3 weeks without sex, then we'll have sex everyday for a week straight. Then we'll mellow out and have it a couple times a week. A lot depends on what else is going on. Also, for us these averages are low because we've had a pretty stressful last couple of years. All in all, if we can just keep ourselves out of those lengthy sabbaticals then we're fine  We're both 45.


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## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

When we are together almost every day, sometimes a little less and sometimes twice. He is 48 and I am 35.


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## DanF (Sep 27, 2010)

We are 47 and 50, been together 30 years, make love almost every day, 5-7 time a week.


Love IT!


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## magnoliagal (Mar 30, 2011)

We are both 45 and have been married 20 years. We have sex 2-3 times a week. I wish it were more but have learned to be content with what I get. I no longer obsess over it. It's all good.


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## OhGeesh (Jan 5, 2010)

magnoliagal said:


> We are both 45 and have been married 20 years. We have sex 2-3 times a week. I wish it were more but have learned to be content with what I get. I no longer obsess over it. It's all good.


Were mid 30s and have sex 2-3 times a week.....but its more like 5-6 days nothing than 3-4 days in a row .....its enough for me and probably too Much for her. We both work 50+ hrs a week, she's in school again, and we have 3 kids under 11 time is tight. I hate quickies so it probably could me more, but for me its the process not the end result, so 10 minute sex ill pass.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## magnoliagal (Mar 30, 2011)

OhGeesh said:


> Were mid 30s and have sex 2-3 times a week.....but its more like 5-6 days nothing than 3-4 days in a row .....its enough for me and probably too Much for her. We both work 50+ hrs a week, she's in school again, and we have 3 kids under 11 time is tight. I hate quickies so it probably could me more, but for me its the process not the end result, so 10 minute sex ill pass.


Good point. My husband works insane long hours, we have 3 kids under the age of 11 and yes time is tight. We are also struggling financially which doesn't help. Too much work, too much stress, not enough money and not enough fun.


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## Dalayla (Jul 4, 2011)

Late twenties, sex eevry day, few times per day. Sometimes we are like: let's have a day off today! but, usually it doesn't work )) we can rest when we die.


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## Laurae1967 (May 10, 2011)

I am 43 and my husband is 51. For the past month, we have averaged about 2 times a week. In the past few years, our sex life had dwindled to once a month, but we were having problems which are now much better. I am happy with 2 times a week, but would be happier with even more. We have been together 7 years and married 5 (as of Aug.).


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## Master.of.the.Cave (Jan 16, 2011)

:-(


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## chasethislight (Jul 8, 2011)

Master.of.the.Cave said:


> I'm going to ask what may be a silly question. How are couples having sex 4 or more times per week? I've been married for 14 years and am in a really low sex marriage (about 6-9x per year). My wife has never really been ineterested in sex, and I've just kind of dealt with it; the most we've probably had sex in any one year is maybe 20x, even before getting married. I've become a lot more restless the past few years, and as I discuss the situation with friends and read this forum, I think 'wow, some people are having sex all the time and they've been married for years.' Prior to getting married, I was in a relationship with a woman who really liked sex, but we were living in two different states and only saw each other every now and then. In that case, for the weekend we saw each other, we did it a couple of times a day. However, that relationship broke up before we had a chance to be close to each other (physically) to see what a 'normal' relationship would have been like. So, in some respects, having sex 3, 4, 5x per week, is 'unimaginable', but I'd like to hear from people how it is manageable.  I know I have to do something about the sex situation if I want it to improve, so, for me, it helps to learn how people are having sex so frequently. Thanks!


You're probably a "nice guy" too, there you have it..

--

I'm new here and actually joined to post a topic about my situation in the men's clubhouse. Me and the misses average at around 0 times a week while at the beginning of our relationship 'a day without sex is a day not lived' seemed to be the motto ranging from 1 to sometimes 6 times a day.

Who cares about average anyway.


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## PealedBannana (Jun 9, 2011)

We were in a slump... but are workong on fixing our neglected problems... went from 1 or 2 a month to 2 to 3 a weeek mow. Married 2 years and 25 and 27.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Dark Nova (Apr 27, 2011)

My H is 28 I am 26 and we average about 4-5 times a week.I want more, but my H is usually pretty tired after work and I don't want to wear him out even more.
I guess I'll have to accept what I can get, but I would love it if he wanted me more often. *sigh*


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Syrum said:


> When we are together almost every day, sometimes a little less and sometimes twice. He is 48 and I am 35.


Genitals aside aside sweet lady. How often does he kiss you while making love?


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## Sawney Beane (May 1, 2011)

Master.of.the.Cave said:


> <snip>
> So, in some respects, having sex 3, 4, 5x per week, is 'unimaginable', but I'd like to hear from people how it is manageable.


If you mean "manageable" in the sense of 'how do I find the time?', then it's a bit like anything you really want to do - you find the time, by telescoping time spent on things you have to do but don't like, and by cutting out stuff you do that is unproductive. Get away from the TV

If you mean in terms of physical capability, then think like starting a firness / exercise programme. If you never run or lift a weight, going straight to running ten miles or bench pressing your bodyweight plus isn't going to happen. You have to build up your physical capabilities by doing stuff, then doing more and more as you become more capable. I'll stick my neck out here, but I'll reckon building your sexual capacity is a lot more fun than building your ability to run



> I know I have to do something about the sex situation if I want it to improve, so, for me, it helps to learn how people are having sex so frequently. Thanks!


Go to the men's clubhouse. Read the stuff on manning up. Go to Athol K's marriedmansexlife site. THERE ARE NO GUARANTEES THIS WILL WORK, but read that lot and you'll have some ideas to try. You know your wife and yourself. Fit some of this stuff to your situation, and see what happens. If it looks like a good way to get your wife to never speak to you again, don't do it. Set up a plan B and plan C in case it doesn't get you what you want from the first couple of things you try. And like fitness and exercise, do NOT expect results the next day, or the next week. You have to be in for the long haul.


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## Sawney Beane (May 1, 2011)

We average out to 3 times a week, based on normally four times per week for roughly three weeks per month. Working away, competitions and periods tend to lose us about a week a month.


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## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

Can't really put a number on it for us cause eastcoastgirl works 12 hour shifts and swings between nights and days while I work standard 5 day a week. Those kinds of opposing schedules make it hard to average out. Its just kinda like whenever we are able to be in the same place at the same time and we are not exhausted from dealing with fools all day or night as it were. 

Beyond that, if you aren't getting enough you take the lead and get you some more. me and eastcoastgirl made an agreement when we first got hitched that neither one of us would ever deny the other and we never have. We have been married 34 years and neither of us has ever told the other no.


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## finebyme72 (Jul 12, 2011)

My wife and I average about 1.5 times per week (just guessing). I wish it were more but would be happy with that amount if it wasn't always "hurry up and get it over with" sex.


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

Master.of.the.Cave said:


> I'm going to ask what may be a silly question. How are couples having sex 4 or more times per week?


Forget a week, how about 3-4 times in one day? Pre-kid that was the norm most days. 



Master.of.the.Cave said:


> I've become a lot more restless the past few years, and as I discuss the situation with friends and read this forum, I think 'wow, some people are having sex all the time and they've been married for years.'



We've been married for 18 years. Wifey has a pretty good drive but being "mommy" is a real drive killer for her. When we take off without the kids she's all over me. Then it's a matter of how much I can keep up. Now 4 times in a day is about all I can muster.



Master.of.the.Cave said:


> I know I have to do something about the sex situation if I want it to improve, so, for me, it helps to learn how people are having sex so frequently. Thanks!


Nike's slogan applies: Just do it!


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

larry.gray said:


> We've been married for 18 years. Wifey has a pretty good drive but being "mommy" is a real drive killer for her. When we take off without the kids she's all over me. Then it's a matter of how much I can keep up. Now 4 times in a day is about all I can muster.


 Did you mean to say a week HERE or you got this right meaning up to 4 times a day -after 18 yrs married ?? I think your wife may be hornier than Random Dudes if so and alot older too! WOW 

Me & mine never did X amount of times a day in our youth, I wish we had.  I regret this so much, he told me he could have easily done it 3 times a day back then. He just never went after me like that, too respectful or something. I didn't know he was feeling like that either. 

I sure went after him when I started feeling that way-like a frieght train - but he couldn't keep up with me. Pretty much once a day is his limit unless I pop him a Vitamin V. The guys at work used to joke with him that I was crushing it up & slipping it in his food. 

God Bless Viagra. I am happy to live in this age of discovery.


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

SimplyAmorous said:


> Did you mean to say a week HERE or you got this right meaning up to 4 times a day -after 18 yrs married ??


Yep. I really like weekends away :smthumbup:

They only really work if they are truly non-mom weekends. A nice time away, kids at grandma's with no stress about missing things and so on. Between the logistics and cost it doesn't happen often enough.



SimplyAmorous said:


> I think your wife may be hornier than Random Dudes if so and alot older too! WOW Me & mine never did X amount of times a day in our youth, I wish we had.  I regret this so much, he told me he could have easily done it 3 times a day back then.


I almost hesitate to say what happened when we tried for child #2, cause I don't know if you'd believe me. DW was REALLY baby hungry and it showed. 

4 days at a beach resort and we pretty much only left the room for meals.



SimplyAmorous said:


> I sure went after him when I started feeling that way-like a frieght train - but he couldn't keep up with me.


I'm looking forward to finding out what I can do 

I know I couldn't keep up with 3-4 a day now but certainly 2



SimplyAmorous said:


> Pretty much once a day is his limit unless I pop him a Vitamin V. The guys at work used to joke with him that I was crushing it up & slipping it in his food.


One of the nicest things my wife ever said to me was when someone was joking about using viagra for spicing things up for couples that don't necessary "need" it.

She piped up "Dear god no! That think can leave bruises as it is."


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

larry.gray said:


> One of the nicest things my wife ever said to me was when someone was joking about using viagra for spicing things up for couples that don't necessary "need" it.
> 
> She piped up "Dear god no! That think can leave bruises as it is."


One of the nicest "compliments" I got from my girlfriend was when we were mmm, grinding/bumping uglies with our clothes on. She complained my iPhone was digging in and hurting her. I pointed out my iPhone on the dresser...

C


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## flnative (Jul 16, 2011)

Both 41, been together since we were 16 (not married of course). We have some form of sex 5-7 times a week.


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

Been married 14 years today. once every 2-4 months is about the average.


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## alg1208 (Jul 29, 2011)

My wife and I are both 26. We've been married for 3 years. We got married about a year and a half into our relationship. When we first started dating we had sex everyday. Multiple times a day sometimes. But over the years we've had quite a few time periods where we rarely had sex. I think we've gone as long as 3 weeks. 

Over the last 6 months or so we started to have a pretty rough patch sexually. We were only having sex about once a week at the most and half the time she made it seem like a chore (even though she has an orgasm every time). 

One day we were discussing it and she suggested we have sex every day. While sticking to this is all but impossible we've done pretty well. It's been about a month and I'd say out of the last 30 days we've probably had sex 20-25 times. 

The funny thing is....I'm finding I don't want it that often now. I feel like now that its expected that we have sex every day its less exciting. I think I may feel how she did before. She felt like she "had to" because I expected it (even though it was once a week). Now I feel the same way. The last week or so has been more spontaneous and we've done it about 3 times probably...I'm much happier. 

I feel like I've found the key...we don't plan anything...but we don't let ourselves only do it once a week. And I find myself wanting her more and more.


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## leadsled (Jul 18, 2011)

Me 34, W 30. Went from once a week to never since discovering her EA. According to W, she never thinks about sex. I must be dyslexic because that isn't what the text messages said.


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