# Newlyweds wife CO officer having relations with coworkers



## Thisischaos67 (Jun 5, 2018)

I've been with my wife 7 years, our 1 year anniversary is next month. Instead of celebrating with happiness our marriage has been quickly going down a steep slope. Summing this up the best I can, 2 years ago me and my wife took a exam to become correctional officers, she passed a series of tests and basically got handed the job through a relative, I failed but was proud of her making such a great accomplishment. After seeing the difficult shifts and realizing the misery that job brings on I decided not to keep pursuing it and settled for another job that isn't in law enforcement. We got married and overtime the amount of time we would see eachother would get very limited. Right now we work opposite schedules. When she gets out of work I'm sleeping already. When she gets up I'm already working, we literally see eachother 2 days a week. So it's been rough to adjust to when we used to work same schedules for the last 5 years and go home to eachother every night. I started abusing alcohol at nights while she was working, I know I ****ed up there. She would call me sometimes and id be sluring my words and she would get disgusted and hang up. Not in anyway am I a bum or anything I worked fulltime overtime and come home and do my husband duties around the house but my lonleness caused depression and I would use drinking as a solution. At the same time I pushed her away so much. Sure we would have our weekends we would be fine have sex etc. Around for a couple months around Christmas time she had zero interest in me or sex and even through my booze infused mind I could tell **** wasn't right. Alot of dumb arguments would start with her saying she is done and wants a divorce ect. I told her I wanted to save our marriage so we started counselling a month or 2 later. Around that same time I did come across her phone and found blocked a coworkers number with picture messages around that time we were having issues. After confronting her persistently and being a detective I got her to admit that while we were planning our wedding, some older officer (she's 28) was messaging her asking her out on dates she did like the idea of getting attention from somebody else but she told him after talking a few weeks it wasn't appropriate so she blocked his number and ended this brief relationship. She said she never cheated in her mind and never met with him. I was crushed but after expressing how pissed I was and there was alot of questions I had (why if you ended it before we got married is he sending you expired picture messages 6 months later) it eventually got dropped. 

A month ago I decided to stop drinking because I knew it was destroying my marriage and I would lose her completely. Ever since I stopped drinking and working on putting myself in a better place sex has stoped all together, we used to communicate as much as we could on the phone. That drastically has changed where maybe I'll talk to her 5 minutes tops a day. It's been very obvious she is disconnected and not interested in me. Me expressing my concerns gets me that she will try harder to put in a effort or I'm being smothering and trying to hard to fix ****.
For the first time ever I tried having sex with her the other night she stopped me and said having sex isn't gonna fix anything. I knew something was up. Day later I do my snooping and get into her Snapchat and found out she's been really close with another officer. When she is working they snap when they aren't working they snap or talk on the phone. Confronted her she pulls it off like we're just really good friends . The snaps I saw prove otherwise. I brought it to the officers wife attention and she is furious and suspects at the very least a EA. Both of them deny any kind of relationship and my wife persists she has done nothing wrong. I told her you have been giving another man more attention to me behind my back and snaps I saw is of him complimenting how cute she looks in her outfits and how that one night they were working in the building how he was unable to walk her to her car. If roles were reversed she would packed a bag and been gone and filing for divorce. This is kiling me, idk if I'm gonna lawyer up yet or not. She says she wants to work things out. I'm debating on calling this other officer from the previous incident telling him I'm not gonna get mad or confrontational but I want to know the truth about their relationship they had. Should I even bother with that or is this gonna do nothing but make me even more crazy? Idk if I should attempt to reconcile our marriage or this is too far gone and gather whatever evidence I can get and lawyer up?


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

It was probably a physical affair. Just friends is the biggest lie told.

You've only been married a year. Cut your loss and move on.

Not being able to make a decision will just bind you in limbo.

She cut you off sexually because she didn't want to cheat on her other man.

Very typical cheater act.

Sorry man


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

She cheated. Sounds like she has checked out of the marriage. I say divorce.


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## Kamstel (Apr 25, 2018)

If you are going to contact the other guy, tell him that your wife has told you everything and that you are just looking to confirm what she said.

Saying it this way will make it more likely to be honest with you.


But why are you doing this at all?

If she is like this so soon after you were married, why do you want to stay with her???? Is his the type of behavior you want to deal with for the rest of your life????


No matter what you decide to do, I think you should file and have her served at work. This will force her hand

Good luck, and remember you are strong enough to get through this hell!!!!


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## skerzoid (Feb 7, 2017)

Thisischaos67 said:


> I'm debating on calling this other officer from the previous incident telling him I'm not gonna get mad or confrontational but I want to know the truth about their relationship they had. Should I even bother with that or is this gonna do nothing but make me even more crazy? Idk if I should attempt to reconcile our marriage or this is too far gone and gather whatever evidence I can get and lawyer up?


1. *Do not call the other officer.* He will not tell you the truth. Cheaters are liars. This only makes you look pathetic.

2. *Do not do the pick me dance* ("Please oh please, I beg of you, please, please, pick me. I'll do any thing. Please!") *You do this and I promise, you are done.* 

3. Women are drawn to strength, courage, and decisiveness. *In your mind, have you shown any of this?* 

5. I would go to a lawyer and *file for divorce*. Filing will be a cold slap in the face. You have a lot of time before a divorce would be final. Watch her actions, not what she says. If she becomes truly remorseful, you can halt the proceedings. If she is not, at least you know how she really feels.

6. *Demand a timeline* in which she explains the times she was involved with these other people. This will be checked with a polygraph.

7. I have worked in a correctional institution. They usually take a dim view of hanky-panky between employees. I would also watch her relations with the inmates. *I have seen this many times, believe it or not.* Her actions do not impress me of her being high ethical. She wants that job, you make it clear to her you are not messing around on this. 

8. *Refuse sex* with her. Get yourself *STD* tested. *It sets a tone.*

9. *Expose* to friends and family.

10. Dude, *she was trying on other guys before you got married.* This EA thats going on now is highly suspect. I personally do not think your marriage worth the trouble of trying to fix. I would file and move on with lesson learned.


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## BluesPower (Mar 27, 2018)

Listen, she has been lying about everything. 

You did not poly her like you should have in the first place. For sure the new guy and her have been screwing. 

It would be better if you just end it. You can try if you want to, but when you find out she had been screwing at least 2 other guys, what will you think then? 

Better to end it...


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

Marc878 said:


> It was probably a physical affair. Just friends is the biggest lie told.
> 
> You've only been married a year. Cut your loss and move on.
> 
> ...


Been there, done that, got the T-shirt.

It was physical, but she will never admit it and he will just lie to protect himself and his marriage.

Sorry but you can't trust her and without trust, there is no marriage to save.

Or if you really want to save what's left - demand she take a polygraph. When she act indignant that you would even suggest that to her, you have your answer. If she happily agrees and passes, then you might have a chance to R.


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## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

She's had several outside relationships in your short one year marriage.

You can't change her - she's a serial cheater.

Accept that she's not relationship material and divorce her knowing full well she's incapable of fulfilling any vows she said.

Just be done with her.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

Thisischaos67 said:


> I've been with my wife 7 years, our 1 year anniversary is next month. Instead of celebrating with happiness our marriage has been quickly going down a steep slope. Summing this up the best I can, 2 years ago me and my wife took a exam to become correctional officers, she passed a series of tests and basically got handed the job through a relative, I failed but was proud of her making such a great accomplishment. After seeing the difficult shifts and realizing the misery that job brings on I decided not to keep pursuing it and settled for another job that isn't in law enforcement. We got married and overtime the amount of time we would see eachother would get very limited. Right now we work opposite schedules. When she gets out of work I'm sleeping already. When she gets up I'm already working, we literally see eachother 2 days a week. So it's been rough to adjust to when we used to work same schedules for the last 5 years and go home to eachother every night. I started abusing alcohol at nights while she was working, I know I ****ed up there. She would call me sometimes and id be sluring my words and she would get disgusted and hang up. Not in anyway am I a bum or anything I worked fulltime overtime and come home and do my husband duties around the house but my lonleness caused depression and I would use drinking as a solution. At the same time I pushed her away so much. Sure we would have our weekends we would be fine have sex etc. Around for a couple months around Christmas time she had zero interest in me or sex and even through my booze infused mind I could tell **** wasn't right. Alot of dumb arguments would start with her saying she is done and wants a divorce ect. I told her I wanted to save our marriage so we started counselling a month or 2 later. Around that same time I did come across her phone and found blocked a coworkers number with picture messages around that time we were having issues. After confronting her persistently and being a detective I got her to admit that while we were planning our wedding, some older officer (she's 28) was messaging her asking her out on dates she did like the idea of getting attention from somebody else but she told him after talking a few weeks it wasn't appropriate so she blocked his number and ended this brief relationship. She said she never cheated in her mind and never met with him. I was crushed but after expressing how pissed I was and there was alot of questions I had (why if you ended it before we got married is he sending you expired picture messages 6 months later) it eventually got dropped.
> 
> A month ago I decided to stop drinking because I knew it was destroying my marriage and I would lose her completely. Ever since I stopped drinking and working on putting myself in a better place sex has stoped all together, we used to communicate as much as we could on the phone. That drastically has changed where maybe I'll talk to her 5 minutes tops a day. It's been very obvious she is disconnected and not interested in me. Me expressing my concerns gets me that she will try harder to put in a effort or I'm being smothering and trying to hard to fix ****.
> For the first time ever I tried having sex with her the other night she stopped me and said having sex isn't gonna fix anything. I knew something was up. Day later I do my snooping and get into her Snapchat and found out she's been really close with another officer. When she is working they snap when they aren't working they snap or talk on the phone. Confronted her she pulls it off like we're just really good friends . The snaps I saw prove otherwise. I brought it to the officers wife attention and she is furious and suspects at the very least a EA. Both of them deny any kind of relationship and my wife persists she has done nothing wrong. I told her you have been giving another man more attention to me behind my back and snaps I saw is of him complimenting how cute she looks in her outfits and how that one night they were working in the building how he was unable to walk her to her car. If roles were reversed she would packed a bag and been gone and filing for divorce. This is kiling me, idk if I'm gonna lawyer up yet or not. She says she wants to work things out. I'm debating on calling this other officer from the previous incident telling him I'm not gonna get mad or confrontational but I want to know the truth about their relationship they had. Should I even bother with that or is this gonna do nothing but make me even more crazy? Idk if I should attempt to reconcile our marriage or this is too far gone and gather whatever evidence I can get and lawyer up?


Just divorce her.


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## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

She is only 28. She is having sex with someone, and it's obviously not you.


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## zookeeper (Oct 2, 2012)

I don't think divorce is always the best decision, but in your case I believe it is. She has proven to be untrustworthy. She has engaged in inappropriate relationships with other men and you're barely.even married yet. This will only get worse. Do you want to spend the rest of your life wondering what she is up to? 

I'd dump her, kick the booze, get the rest of your life in order and start again. Whatever you do, don't get her pregnant. You have the chance to walk away clean, a baby ties her to you for life.


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## hinterdir (Apr 17, 2018)

I'll be honest. I'm very set in my ways and biased on things like this. I'm all for couples working things out, going to counseling, learning each others love languages and fixing marriage issues......unless there is an affair or a betrayal. That is the line in the sand that can't be crossed. Once that has happened...why would you even want them back? 

You seem like you are unsure how far things have gone. You have to decide that. 

Before I got to the end of your story here is what was standing out to me. These two have prioritized their JOBS over their MARRIAGE. There are a million and one ways to earn a paycheck. You don't live to earn a paycheck, that isn't the meaning in life. You two basically sabotaged your own marriage by ACCEPTING a work situation to where you never got to be together. 

Most marriages won't survive that. You both CHOSE to do it to yourselves. One o you should have quit and gotten another job so ensure your MARRIAGE was number ONE in your lives. 

I hope you've enjoyed your paychecks......they may have cost you your marriage. If taking a job means a couple doesn't get to be together than that job should be enthusiastically declined.


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## BigToe (Jun 2, 2011)

From your own words, you abused alcohol, pushed her away, and spent at least part of the Christmas season with a "boozed infused mind". It's not hard to understand why she might have reached out to someone else. A month's time without booze is not enough for her to be assured you won't go back to it. Based upon her refusal to have sex with you now, it certainly sounds like she has "checked out". My opinion, work on yourself and your alcohol problem first. THAT is the problem, not your work schedules.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

If she had even an emotional affair with this guy she cannot work in the same place. That’s the golden rule of reconciliation. Honestly, though you have both screwed the pooch. You have to get jobs where you cane be together. You’re newly weds in a long distance relationship. Major changes must be made.


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## VladDracul (Jun 17, 2016)

Yep, she probably doing what you've been doing without. But can you really blame her. You basically sound like you've become a drunk and lost her respect. I think you ought to let her go and take another bite at the apple with another chick. Look at it from the bright side. At least she wasn't getting it on with some of the inmates.


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## skerzoid (Feb 7, 2017)

VladDracul said:


> Look at it from the bright side. At least she wasn't getting it on with some of the inmates.


Maybe. I have seen it many times. The inmates can smell weakness. Women are drawn to bad guys. The think they are sexy! This makes them easy to manipulate. They even get them to bring in drugs, have sex, and sometimes help them escape. The force is not strong with this one.


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## OutofRetirement (Nov 27, 2017)

She had a secret flirtation and enjoyed it even while she was getting married. And the story she told about that you've uncovered does not add up. So she was shady from the get-go.

Less than a year married, she is maintaining another secret flirtation (at least).

When she shows you that she likes to flirt with guys, at least, why don't you believe it?

You can't fix her, only she can. And she doesn't want to. 

You fixed you, but she holds a grudge. You say if you did the same thing she's doing, she would have been long gone. 

Tell her you're moving on, you'll consider trying but you won't put up any more disrespect of secret boyfriends. 

She's living her life and doing what she pleases, you're posting sad stories on a cheating forum. What's wrong with this picture? Shouldn't she be the one posting how to keep you?


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