# New & need to vent



## Eliserobin78 (Jun 8, 2013)

Hi I'm new to this site and just looking for advice or encouragement. I've known my husband since we were 15 years old. We got married almost 8 yrs ago. We always had our ups in downs, break ups, and of course seem to get back together. Despite our crazy relationship I guess love was always on our side. After we got married we decided to start a family. Well after a year of trying we found out we were dealing with infertility issues. So after countless months of trying to fix the problem nothing worked. We decided to try Invitro. On the 1st try we got pregnant & had a baby boy who is now 3. Fasting forwarding it to present my husband told me about a year and half ago he was unhappy. His been unhappy for year. His unhappiness start when our infertility started. He proceed to tell me our relationship was stale, old, not fun, and just was not into it. Well 3 months ago I find out he was having an affair for a year in a half. He said he fell in love with her, and wanted to be with her, they are sooo compatible together, they are like soul mates! i felt like i was listening to a teenager. Needless to say the woman he was having an affair with was suppose to leave her husband but never did. My husband still once to leave me because his heart is not there anymore. He told me he does not want to hurt me, leave his son, or get divorce but he must follow his heart. WTF?!? But another hand he i not happy with moving out, hurting me, or not being able to see his son everyday. I guess what I'm asking is why is he so confused but knows what he wants? Sadly I'm still in love I trying to let go but how?


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

What a sad situation.

But you can't make him love you and what kind of a family would it be when daddy betrays mommy and doesn't care for her? 

As painful as it sounds, I think I'd suggest a divorce. You may not see this now but there are a LOT of men out there who will love you for you and not betray you.


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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

Eliserobin78 said:


> My husband still once to leave me because his heart is not there anymore. He told me he does not want to hurt me, leave his son, or get divorce but he must follow his heart. WTF?!? But another hand he i not happy with moving out, hurting me, or not being able to see his son everyday. I guess what I'm asking is why is he so confused but knows what he wants? Sadly I'm still in love I trying to let go but how?


He isn't confused. He has it made. Having his cake and eating it too. You've been enabling that. 

Read up on the 180 in my signature. You have to start preparing yourself for life without him. It isn't to manipulate him into wanting to come back, although that does happen sometimes. It is to have you heal and start standing on your own two feet.


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## PieceOfSky (Apr 7, 2013)

I'm sorry you have this to deal with.

You might consider copying your first post into a new thread in the "Coping with Infidelity" section under "Focused Topics".


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## Eliserobin78 (Jun 8, 2013)

Thanks guys! Yes this sucks! The emotions I'm being but through is not fair! Very hard to deal with, part of me know I should let go but the other part of me want's my family. I really wish I could fast forward time.


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## Interlocutor (Dec 29, 2011)

No excuse for his cheating... None...

However, is there any reason why you guys drifted apart? Why were things stale?

This relationship is over though...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Eliserobin78 (Jun 8, 2013)

Interlocutor said:


> No excuse for his cheating... None...
> 
> However, is there any reason why you guys drifted apart? Why were things stale?
> 
> ...


Honestly I think he got into a routine in life we both did. Still no excuse as of what he did. But I he never new what to do so he kept it to himself. He never mentioned how unhappy he was till he had a affair. He felted a little excitement from an affair and probably felt that us what he was missing but if he can water what he had he will never be happy. I really think he is unhappy with his self. He spent so much time trying to be a doctor & once he became one he had nothing left to live for but work. He never had a life because of med school, residency, and fellowship. Once his head became above water he started to see life. He not sure what to do with it or us. It's all just sad. Not sure what my relationship is at this point. I do want him to move out. See what life is without me & his son. Not sure what I will do but I need time to heal,


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## darshanice (Jun 5, 2013)

I'm glad to hear that you want him out and you preparing yourself for life without him. But it kind of sounds like you"re hoping he will change his mind in time. Even if he does don't do it. 
He is not happy with you. Unless you change he will never be happy with you. And if your happy with who you are and the lifestyle you have then [email protected]$K him! 
I'm sure you did your best to make things work but if he's not willing to meet you half way. Don't stress yourself. You've been with him for a while and when you are lonely you will miss him. Be strong if you feel like calling him read a book, when you find yourself thinking about him bake cookies. 
He"s being very selfish you do nothing deserve that treatment. And in order for you to be happy you have to let him go. I wish you lucky on the new chapter in your life. God Speed


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