# Forgive - not forgotten



## NoTrust (Oct 9, 2009)

2006 - Unintentionally found a phone number of an ex on the wife's phone. Curiosity got the best of me, so I began my "investigation". Turns out she's e-mailing ANOTHER ex and on several occasions asked to meet up with him. (This is the same guy she cheated on her 1st husband with) 

So I confronted her about the phone calls as well as the e-mails. She always lies until I show the "evidence". I only ask her questions that I already know the answer to (i.e. Did you call him at work? Her response "NO"... I know she did because I have the cell bill). So I have no idea where the truth begins and the lies end.

I told her she was the only person I trusted 100%. I obviously don't trust her at all anymore.

2009 - I still think about it EVERYDAY. We have a young daughter which is my main reason for initially sticking around. My daughter is my everything and I cringe at the thought of not seeing her everyday. We've done the counseling thing but that doesn't help me forget. And I still don't believe she was completely honest with me. 

Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated.


----------



## dobo (Jun 30, 2009)

So you believe she cheated with him, and that it went past the emails?


----------



## NoTrust (Oct 9, 2009)

Absolutely. Again, she ONLY tells me the trust when I have evidence.


----------



## dobo (Jun 30, 2009)

That is a particularly bad brand of liar. My ex-husband did that when he was particularly busted.

Is she still doing these sorts of things?


----------



## NoTrust (Oct 9, 2009)

Bad brand indeed. Will lie their asses off until evidence is presented..

I honestly don't know. I don't see e-mails or cell phone calls, but who knows..


----------



## dobo (Jun 30, 2009)

And no remorse from her or indication that she's learned anything? I suspect there wasn't enough sting. You didn't leave her.

Question -- what's her story? Does she have low self-esteem or abuse in her background, or is she narcissistic?

And most importantly, what do you want to do? Do you want out? You can't make her change. So what do you want for you?


----------



## NoTrust (Oct 9, 2009)

No remorse, not even "I'm sorry".. She was more upset with me for checking her e-mails. 

Not sure. I think she just likes the attention from HIM. She has NEVER sent me e-mails like she sent to him. I send suggestive text messages and the response is usually LAME.... 

I want her to want me the way I want her... I want so much more than I have...


----------



## dobo (Jun 30, 2009)

Have you tried ignoring her?


----------



## NoTrust (Oct 9, 2009)

Oh yeah.... if I don't do/say anything, nothing is done or said... I'm always the one to initiate a conversation or intimacy.


----------



## dobo (Jun 30, 2009)

Then why stay? You're miserable. Take the child and dump the wife.


----------



## NoTrust (Oct 9, 2009)

If only it was that easy. If I could keep my daughter and not be an "every other weekend" dad, I would... Nothing makes me happier then spending one-on-one time with my daughter..


----------



## dobo (Jun 30, 2009)

Why can't you take her? Why is it that dads generally look at it as leaving their child? Why can't they fight for their right to raise their children?


----------



## sirch (Jan 8, 2009)

Hey NoTrust, sorry for what you are going through. You need to read "the list", pm me and I will guide you to some good info. It has helped me and can do the same for you.


----------



## ConfusedinColumbus (Feb 20, 2009)

NoTrust - sorry for your situation brother, been there done that is it really, really sux (and hurts).

In all likelihood, based on what you have said (no remorse, contrition, etc), she simply setup new email and phone accounts (what my wife did). While you compile evidenced and then present them with it, it shows your hand and then they become more covert in their actions.

You are to be applauded for your desire to patch things up because of your daughter, but at some point, you need to lay it all on the line in hopes of giving your wife a wake up call...you can't keep this up, your daughter will eventually catch on and it will send her a horrible message and be a terrible example for which she may/may not base her relationships w/men on (ie, "this is how mom did it, so I guess its right").

Be firm and strong in your approach with your wife.

Good luck brother.


----------



## duckman (Sep 15, 2009)

Not completely the same...but thought I would share this. I found out the W was talking with a "guy friend" that we had already had argument over on her cell phone. I found several calls and a few txts over the course of 9 months. Confronted her AND HIM. She was remorseful but said it was purely just someone to talk to. I still think about it every day. Not really sure that that will change. Things are better between us, but she has totally changed. What scares me about your situation is that she does not seem to care that she's busted. Dude, if she's "meeting up" with him, it doesn't look good. I've got two girls my self man, but you've got to get every morning and look yourself in the mirror and be content with your decision to stay. That's the ?. Can you look yourself in the mirror and stay based on your circumstances? Good luck dude.


----------

