# Help- my husband has lost his faith



## jdom96

We've been married for almost 2 years now, and I thought in the beginning I had married a good Christian man. Now he tells me that he doesn't believe in heaven, or hell, and that life doesn't really have a point but to be happy. We've been having problems for the past few months, as I've been struggling with anxiety and depression and it's hard of him too. He doesn't see much of a reason to work on our marriage and doesn't seem to care much. This was very sudden and I'm very upset about it, but I'm not sure what to do. My faith has been wavering lately, but this really woke me up. I really need some guidance as to what I should do as a believer to help him and save our marriage. Any advice would be appreciated.

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## Decorum

It sounds more like he has lost his hope, and you are not the only one feeling depressed.  Try to identify the real problems and try to agree together on working toward solutions. Losing your faith can be a time of significant personal growth, as strange as that sounds, because it shatters artificial assumptions and conventions that are standing in the way of a genuine spiritual walk. Don't focus on faith focus on truth, and character.
I wish you well.

Romans 5:1-5 ...knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance; and perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope, and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us.


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## jdom96

Decorum said:


> It sounds more like he has lost his hope, and you are not the only one feeling depressed.  Try to identify the real problems and try to agree together on working toward solutions. Losing your faith can be a time of significant personal growth, as strange as that sounds, because it shatters artificial assumptions and conventions that are standing in the way of a genuine spiritual walk. Don't focus on faith focus on truth, and character.
> I wish you well.
> 
> Romans 5:1-5 ...knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance; and perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope, and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us.


Thank you so much for your words. I have suspected he's depressed, and he's hinted at it before. 

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## Cooper

Is it possible he has become so unhappy in the marriage he is using "lose of faith" as a tool to to drive you away?

Or that he was just playing the part of the "good christian man" and now that you're married sees no reason to keep up the charade?


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## chillymorn69

Lots of christans lose their faith only to find it again .


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## TaDor

Have him go see a counselor/therapist. There are different kinds of depression.


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## FrazzledSadHusband

Cast your cares on God. You cannot create faith in your husband. You can pray, and draw close to God. Put it in God's hands. As Joyce Meyer preaches about, "We don't have, because we don't ask" Make your requests for your husband known to God. He can deal with it. On judgement day, we all have to answer for OURSELVES. Not your spouse.


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## arbitrator

jdom96 said:


> We've been married for almost 2 years now, and I thought in the beginning I had married a good Christian man. Now he tells me that he doesn't believe in heaven, or hell, and that life doesn't really have a point but to be happy. We've been having problems for the past few months, as I've been struggling with anxiety and depression and it's hard of him too. He doesn't see much of a reason to work on our marriage and doesn't seem to care much. This was very sudden and I'm very upset about it, but I'm not sure what to do. My faith has been wavering lately, but this really woke me up. I really need some guidance as to what I should do as a believer to help him and save our marriage. Any advice would be appreciated.
> 
> Sent from my SM-G920F using Tapatalk


*

Have the two of you scheduled a joint appointment with your Senior Pastor, provided that you have one?*


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## _anonymous_

jdom96 said:


> I really need some guidance as to what I should do as a believer to help him and save our marriage. Any advice would be appreciated.


A spouse's change of terms after the wedding vows seems to be a central theme on this forum. And if someone is posting about a change of terms, it's important enough to him or her to seek help. I do understand this. However, I will advise you on this matter to look at your husband no differently. Your husband is still your husband, even if he has come to doubt his faith. Be sad in what has happened, but at the same time, try not to look at this as some disaster bound to destroy your lives. Try not to look at yourself as the savior either.

My wife and I married as two Christians, and since our union, there have been several times where it seemed to one person that other spouse had "lost the faith". My wife railed upon me for behavior that went in opposition to my supposed beliefs before marriage, and I railed upon her in a similar manner. But it was wrong, and there was nothing Christian about our behavior toward one another. Christ never compelled any man to believe his teachings in anger or bitterness or fear, and neither should you. 

Let loving kindness and compassion trump your judgements of your husband. Work toward understanding why he feels the way he does, and what exactly he's wrestling with that's caused his falling away. And upon understanding him, emotionally support him while holding true to what you believe. This approach does not betray your values, but simultaneously, respects his values at a crucial time in his life where he desperately needs you there. Be a support for him. Be patient with him. Be loving with him. 

I agree with others that it's probably best that you get someone in your church involved, and perhaps involve a counselor also, to discuss the relational impacts of his decision. Hang in there! You must exhaust options on the table to improve your marriage. In the end, if your husband doesn't come back, it might be best to part ways... but it doesn't seem like it's time for that decision, not yet anyway.

Good luck!


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## jdom96

Tergis said:


> His loss of faith is the least of your problems.


What do you mean?

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## DayOne

jdom96 said:


> What do you mean?


My guess would be that perhaps you're focusing on the wrong issue. 

"We've been having problems for the past few months, as I've been struggling with anxiety and depression and it's hard of him too. He doesn't see much of a reason to work on our marriage and doesn't seem to care much."

He's tired. YOU're tired. Supporting a partner, through rough times, is exhausting. Your own words, above, show that your mental and emotional state may not be all it could be. And if he's been a good Husband, a supportive Husband, then he's also emotionally drained.

Perhaps it would be better to look at ways to recharge. Renew your enthusiasm for each other. Be reminded why you love each other.


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## jdom96

DayOne said:


> My guess would be that perhaps you're focusing on the wrong issue.
> 
> "We've been having problems for the past few months, as I've been struggling with anxiety and depression and it's hard of him too. He doesn't see much of a reason to work on our marriage and doesn't seem to care much."
> 
> He's tired. YOU're tired. Supporting a partner, through rough times, is exhausting. Your own words, above, show that your mental and emotional state may not be all it could be. And if he's been a good Husband, a supportive Husband, then he's also emotionally drained.
> 
> Perhaps it would be better to look at ways to recharge. Renew your enthusiasm for each other. Be reminded why you love each other.


That's a really good point. We're going to be living apart soon- He's in the military and is being stationed in a different state than I'm going to be going to for college. I was willing to go with him and go to college somewhere close to him, but he didn't want me to compromise that. So I guess that's kind of a break? I don't want it to be that way but there isn't another option at this point.

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