# Ladies, please I need help



## davidmlesley (Mar 29, 2012)

I have been with the woman I am madly in love with for 4 years. She is everything I want; however, she says that she doesn't have that feeling of happiness towards me that she thinks she should have. She says, "The happy ones! The ones that tell you you're with the right person. That your relationship will last." Those are the feelings she says that she doesn't have. She says that in her head and on paper I am the perfect man, the man she wants in her life but she says she does not have the feelings that she thinks should come with it. What can I do or what should I do? I just want to help, but I feel like it's a lossing battle...


----------



## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

She loves you but she's not in love with you.....

I'm surprised you're getting this speech only 4 years into marriage. I wanted to suggest marriage counselling but she admits herself that you're the perfect man. I don't know what to say really.


----------



## davidmlesley (Mar 29, 2012)

She keeps saying that it's the feelings that are missing, the ones she thinks she is suppose to have with her husband or for her husband (me). She feels like I have been trying to fix myself in order to change her feelings but thats not true. She feels like I am focused on this as a problem that needs a solution, and she might be right about that but I dont know? She says, that she loves me and wants me in her life. She doesn't want a divorce but she's been unhappy for 2 to 3 years trying to figure out why she doesn't have the feelings she thinks she should have. She says, that her feelings haven't changed but they haven't grown neither... This is killing me...


----------



## davidmlesley (Mar 29, 2012)

She also says that she loves the way that I love her but that she is envious of that... Does that make any sense to you ladies?


----------



## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

Maybe check out turning down the thermostat. It seems like you're the warm partner chasing her and she needs some space to find her love for you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## LovesHerMan (Jul 28, 2011)

She wants to love you as passionately as you love her.

So, what do you think is behind this? Is there another man? Do you two have regular date nights? Do you know what her love language is (words of affirmation, touch, quality time, acts of service, or gifts)? Do you love her in a way that she can appreciate? Do you have children? Do you share in the housework?

It is the responsibility of both partners to keep the marriage fresh. She has to communicate with you what she thinks is missing. I hope she isn't an immature woman who thinks that marriage should always be a thrilling romance novel. Sit her down and have a serious discussion about what you two can do together to keep your love alive.


----------



## davidmlesley (Mar 29, 2012)

A part of me does kinda feel that away. As if she has some unfair expectation of how it should be. No there isn't another man; however, we dont have date nights because I work over seas in high risk areas. Which I plan to end in July because of the stress it has placed on our marriage. We do have children, but two are mine and two are hers. Yes, we have 4 kids... I almost feel like, may be she thinks she has to compete with me on how we love each other. As if she doesn't love me in the same manner as I love her than something is wrong. That she feels like if she isn't head over heels in love with me than there is a problem. But, regardless the problem always comes back to how she feels...


----------



## LovesHerMan (Jul 28, 2011)

So she is home with 4 children while you work overseas? What sort of support system does she have here? I don't think you will be able to solve this problem until you both are living in the same house.


----------



## davidmlesley (Mar 29, 2012)

No not four kids under one roof. Just her 2 but we claim all four of them as ours. Sorry if I didnt clarify that, but I do know and understand that her situation can be comparably harder than mine. I honestly do not kid myself over that. And we both feel the same way, that this issue can not be solved until we are back under the same roof, but doesnt make our situation any easier now.


----------



## LovesHerMan (Jul 28, 2011)

Well, it is difficult. I would try to keep positive communication through Skype and email, and plan to work on things when you return. My husband was in the Navy for 7 years, and we really did not discuss any relationship problems when he was gone.


----------

