# Sex strike due to Incident & Stress...



## USAF1982 (Jan 27, 2009)

Hello all,
For those who have read some of my previous posts....my wife and I are working on our marriage and both agreed that we needed to spike our intimacy time.

We went from maybe once a week, she said it would be 3 times a week (minimum), one lucky week we went four times.

Anyhow from this my wife got a scare when she didn't get her period on-time. She thought she was pregnant and said some pretty hateful things, she told me "see what trying to please you gets me!" and things as such....basically she confirmed that she was doing it for me and that obviously she doesn't get the same thing out of it that I do.

When we were on this "spurt" of sex....life was great and one time in the heat of the moment she told me "you might get mad, but sex w/ you is the best part of this marriage." Okay, well no biggie, she likes sex w/ me, that's a good thing so I started thinking of ways that I could be better outside of the bedroom. Seemed to me that while we were on this streak of sex she was really enjoying herself too. But then she tells me see what trying to please me gets her....I take that like she was only doing it for me and doesn't view/need it the way I do.

So she told me that she promised God that if she was not pregnant that she would not have sex until she got herself "fixed." During this sex-streak we were really careful and I highly doubted that we were pregnant, so soon enough she got her period but guess what, still no sex because of the promise she made to God. The last time we were intimate was 16-Mar-09 (over 2 weeks)! 

Well she called her physician only to find out that they were booked until 27 Apil....and then she'd need a referral to an OBGYN which would take more time (probably sometime in May). Yikes! So she told me that she'd lift the sex bann for me and we'd be intimate again w/ much care.

I was excited to hear this....but then two days ago she finds out that her older brother has cancer. This has really added to her stress level and I can understand that. So to this date still no sex and I don't see it coming anytime soon.

Now I want to be supportive of her during her time of need w/ her brother and all, but I haven't had sex in over two weeks (she gave me one hand-job during this whole time) and sex for me in the near future is not looking too promising.

What can I do and how can I be supportive and not have to pressure her into sex? I don't want to hurt her and I know she has enough on her plate. It's just I have needs too and I guess my sex drive being extremly high and hers being extremly low really puts us in an awkward situation. She says she could go the rest of her life without sex and I honestly doubt I can go another two weeks without it.

This is torture at it's worst... I don't know what to do, don't want to hurt her, but am tired of being hurt myself not to mention that not having sex really increases my stress levels by a lot!!! Someone please give me some advice on how you'd handle this situation... In advance, thank you!


----------



## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

USAF1982 said:


> What can I do and how can I be supportive and not have to pressure her into sex? I don't want to hurt her and I know she has enough on her plate. It's just I have needs too and I guess my sex drive being extremly


The most supportive thing you can do is drop the sex issue completely for now. A couple of weeks without sex won’t kill you and she will appreciate what you are doing for her greatly. Once she is through her difficult time she may be more interested in intimacy because you show so much support for her in placing her needs before your own. On that note, why is she the one that needs to get fixed? A vasectomy is a much less evasive procedure than the one she may have to go through with. Had mind done over ten years ago and never regretted it. Not really very painful, short recovery time and none of the urban legend side effects. A lot cheaper also. Look into it.


----------



## revitalizedhusband (Feb 9, 2009)

I'm usually the one that says "if one partner wants sex and the other is physically able, then sex should happen" kind of guy.

Unfortunately though when you are talking about her brother and cancer, stress/emotions come into play. I agree with Amp, you should lay off the sex and try to be as supportive as humanly possible through this time with her brother.

If I had to guess, most women would absolutely LOVE you for that and sex might come back sooner than you think.

I believe it would come back sooner by dropping the sex issue and being supportive in whatever her or her brother needs right now, than if you kept trying to cram the sex issue down her throat right now.


----------



## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

USAF1982 said:


> So she told me that she promised God that if she was not pregnant that she would not have sex until she got herself "fixed." During this sex-streak we were really careful and I highly doubted that we were pregnant, so soon enough she got her period but guess what, still no sex because of the promise she made to God. The last time we were intimate was 16-Mar-09 (over 2 weeks)!


A. She might have OCD
B. Tell her Jesus says in the bible not to swear to God at all:



Jesus said:


> But I say unto you, Swear not at all; neither by heaven; for it is God’s throne: Nor by the earth; for it is his footstool: neither by Jerusalem; for it is the city of the great King. Neither shalt thou swear by thy head, because thou canst not make one hair white or black. But let your communication be, Yea, yea; Nay, nay: for whatsoever is more than these cometh of evil (Matthew 5:34-37).


People just use God/Jesus to make any old point they want. If you're going to be a Christian, you have to know your Bible, or it's just babble.


----------



## USAF1982 (Jan 27, 2009)

Amplexor said:


> The most supportive thing you can do is drop the sex issue completely for now. A couple of weeks without sex won’t kill you and she will appreciate what you are doing for her greatly. Once she is through her difficult time she may be more interested in intimacy because you show so much support for her in placing her needs before your own. On that note, why is she the one that needs to get fixed? A vasectomy is a much less evasive procedure than the one she may have to go through with. Had mind done over ten years ago and never regretted it. Not really very painful, short recovery time and none of the urban legend side effects. A lot cheaper also. Look into it.


Good question....well the truth is that I would someday still like to have another child being that I'm only 26 and she's 24 years old. She's looked into it and is going to do something that is reversable and can be removed if/when we are ready to have another child.

At this point she says she doesn't want anymore children but I think once our little ones get older and we're a little older she'll possibly change her mind and want a final kiddo.

Basically that's the reason.


----------



## revitalizedhusband (Feb 9, 2009)

Not to mention 1 Corinthians 7:3-5



> 3 The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. 5 Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.


Once her stress from her brother subsides, if it isn't any better and she still is "promising God" have her read these verses.

Not only does it say that a spouse (wife or husband) should never "deny" their spouse, but it even lists the typical consequence of withholding sex in a marriage, sexual temptations outside of marriage (infidelity).


----------



## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

USAF1982 said:


> Good question....well the truth is that I would someday still like to have another child being that I'm only 26 and she's 24 years old. She's looked into it and is going to do something that is reversable and can be removed if/when we are ready to have another child.


What form of birth control are you using now?


----------



## marina72 (Dec 29, 2008)

usaf1982

I just wanted you to know, that a tubal ligation, or getting herself "fixed" , that is not always reversable. I don't know who told you this, but if it was your doc, then I'd get another doc. Tubal ligation is a serious thing, and it's not something you can just take back, just like a vasectomy isn't. It's surgery, to completely shut off her fallopian tubes, thereby preventing pregnancy. And she really wants to do this at such a young age? 

Just know, that it is Not always reversible, and even if they manage to save the tubes, and reverse it when she is ready to have kids.... sometimes getting pregnant after a tubal ligation reversal.... is Very difficult.

Find out more info about this, before you or your wife, go through with such a drastic method of birth control.

There are many different options out there, including the pill which is very effective, that you can choose, that are not as permanent.

Be patient with her, if her bro has cancer, then she is not in any frame of mind, to be having, or thinking about sex. She's your wife, better or worse.... stand by her, and drop the sex issue for a bit. Two weeks, is just really not that long. Please think her her needs emotionally if you can. Good luck, and I wish her brother much sucess with his recovery.


----------



## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

I have moved the last few posts to the Social Spot under "Bible - Literal or Not". Please move the discussion there. Thanks.


----------



## revitalizedhusband (Feb 9, 2009)

Sorry we hijacked the thread Amp.


----------

