# Cheap Boyfriend or any I over sensitive?



## sarah1971 (Jul 2, 2008)

Been dating this guy for about 6 months. We are both not rich but financially stable. For the most part we go "dutch" on all our dates. Which I'm fine with.

For father's day I took him to a nice bed and breakfast overnight , paid for lunch and dinner at a very elegant restaurant plus paid for a day of rafting. Total price came to about $450.

Now this weekend is my birthday(July 3) and we made plans to go camping. I told him I would pay for half the tent site($30) and half the food($100). His responce was "that sounds fair"

Now I could be wrong but even thru I offered to pay half I feel funny that he was ok with this after knowing how much I paid for our last trip. 

I don't know maybe its me. How would you feel?


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## ClipClop (Apr 28, 2011)

Maybe he doesn't have 450 to throw at this. And maybe after only 6 months you threw too much money.
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## Grayson (Oct 28, 2010)

ClipClop said:


> Maybe he doesn't have 450 to throw at this. And maybe after only 6 months you threw too much money.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Myself, I'm a little curious as to why a 6 month boyfriend is treated to a trip "for *Father's Day*." Unless there was some news being imparted, 6 months doesn't seem like a timeframe that allows for any sort of father-related status to be imparted on him.
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## ClipClop (Apr 28, 2011)

something else to consider , it is not a gift if you expect something in return . 

and if the guys a father why wasnt he with his children ? a woman doesn't give a father's day gift to anyone that isn't her father .
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## ClipClop (Apr 28, 2011)

01 more thing don't offer something to go dutch, if you don't really mean it . to get upset with him now is pretty unfair . you put yourself in this position he didn't .
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## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

Leaving the fathers day thing aside.

He is being cheap.


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## lonelyman (Jun 28, 2011)

You offered to, and told him you would pay half, and you are upset because he agreed to that? You have no right to be mad at him, you are the one who suggested you would pay half, don't get mad at him because he agreed to your offer, if you didn't want to pay half you should not have offered or suggested that you would
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## ClipClop (Apr 28, 2011)

so because he didn't spend the amount of money did she wanted that makes a cheap ? my husband doesn't spend as much money as I do so is a cheap or is a frugal ? and I guess if you need a lot of money to be spent on you I guess if you need a lot of money to be spent on you in that is your personality . but the amount of money spent on you not a valid measure of how much they care for you .
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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Married Man Sex Life: Alpha Male, Beta Male And Skittles For LTR And Marriage

Skittling


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

I say he is cheap. He should have offered to pay for her birthday trip. Or he should have explained that he couldn't afford to do the same as her. Just agreeing to pay half is not being very thoughtful and is cheap.


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## ClipClop (Apr 28, 2011)

avs something else planned for this camping trip how is it that the women thank you cheap the men dont ? I'm a woman by the way bottom line and say what you mean mean when you say don't make an offer if you don't want somebody to take you up . I'm sure he'd been really happy to know that you lied about her offer she didn't really mean it .let's say that he is cheap , at least he's honest
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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

ClipClop said:


> avs something else planned for this camping trip how is it that the women thank you cheap the men dont ? I'm a woman by the way bottom line and say what you mean mean when you say don't make an offer if you don't want somebody to take you up . I'm sure he'd been really happy to know that you lied about her offer she didn't really mean it .let's say that he is cheap , at least he's honest
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Are u using voice to type again - 'cause ?
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## ClipClop (Apr 28, 2011)

either that or I'm extremely inebriated
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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

SadSamIAm said:


> I say he is cheap. He should have offered to pay for her birthday trip. Or he should have explained that he couldn't afford to do the same as her. Just agreeing to pay half is not being very thoughtful and is cheap.


He's cheap. It has nothing to do with 'shouldn't offer if don't mean it', if he wasn't cheap or thoughtless, he would say, 'you got the last weekend and it's your birthday, this weekend's on me'. The fact he didn't say that means he's tighta$$ or thoughtless or both.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ClipClop (Apr 28, 2011)

Maybe he doesn't see the trip as the gift. And maybe her history of going dutch on top of her offer leads him to. Believe she is cool with it.

It may also lead him to believe she is doing so to preserve independence and space. Iow he might think she is just killing time with him. Or he is killing time with her.

If she were honest with she would know the answer to all of this and not be asking us.
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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

lonelyman said:


> You offered to, and told him you would pay half, and you are upset because he agreed to that? You have no right to be mad at him, you are the one who suggested you would pay half, don't get mad at him because he agreed to your offer, if you didn't want to pay half you should not have offered or suggested that you would
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I agree with this, plus maybe he doesn't have the money to foot the bill for the whole trip. 

I'd also like to add: don't keep a balance sheet of what you spend on him versus what he spends on you. If you want to treat him, then do it without expectation. For the most part you're going dutch so he doesn't sound the type to step in with "Let me take care of this" where money is involved. Because you're questioning his reaction with your birthday and you're only 6 months in, my concern is you could become resentful over time about finances. Sounds like some communication is needed between you.

I had an after thought too - you don't know what else he has lined up for your birthday. I don't mean to give you false 'hope' but really, if he's gotten you gifts or done something else, he might appreciate you going dutch with the camping. And if he hasn't done extra, so be it. As a previous poster commented, it does not signify how he feels about you.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

OMG what are you eating on that camping trip?
Are you having it catered?

I had a friend who worked professionally.
Her husband managed their finances.
He sacked away all of her earnings and when they had children and she said one day, I wish I didn't have to work and I could be a full time mom and the kids could go to private school, etc. he said guess what I invested all of your money and your wish is granted. Awwwwwww. 

How do you know this guy isn't investing money for his future?
Maybe his future includes you.
Maybe it doesn't.
In any case, he is thinking about the future by not spending money he doesn't have to. He doesn't have to because you have been going out with him and splitting costs. If it makes you feel cheap, deal with it. He's not cheap if you've always gone dutch and said nothing. The question is not if he is cheap but why is the relationship including all these weekend trips and has not progressed to the point where you can talk to him about this instead of wondering if he's cheap?


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

This is just not considerate behavior on his part. I would ask him why he thinks it is fair.
Btw - u did nothing wrong by giving him a chance to step up.

OTE=sarah1971;363061]Been dating this guy for about 6 months. We are both not rich but financially stable. For the most part we go "dutch" on all our dates. Which I'm fine with.

For father's day I took him to a nice bed and breakfast overnight , paid for lunch and dinner at a very elegant restaurant plus paid for a day of rafting. Total price came to about $450.

Now this weekend is my birthday(July 3) and we made plans to go camping. I told him I would pay for half the tent site($30) and half the food($100). His responce was "that sounds fair"

Now I could be wrong but even thru I offered to pay half I feel funny that he was ok with this after knowing how much I paid for our last trip. 

I don't know maybe its me. How would you feel?[/QUOTE]
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

:iagree: with MEM.

I am guessing you know something about his finances. I talk to my fiance about our finances all the time, and while I have absolutely no issue with paying for things, if I knew he could afford it and he wasn't willing to step up and pay for things like that then I would feel insulted.

He pays for what he can and so do I.


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## sarah1971 (Jul 2, 2008)

I did not mean to come across as if I expected something. 

We both are middle class and while not rich can afford these trips. .

I also should have mentioned we dated on and off for the last year or so. So we really have known each other more than a few months.

I just feel funny that I will treat him to dinner/movie ect and he always allows me BUT will almost never treat me. I know he was not like that with past GF's so why me? I was told I should never have started going dutch with him in the begginingas thats the problem. BUT I dated men with way less money and they would foot the bill from time to time EVEN when I offered to pay as I always do.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

How about if you are in a committed relationship with him you create a joint account just for dating and have a debit card attached to that account. Put in a budgeted amount each of you every month or week and then used the pooled money for dates and gifts. This is Dutch but it is a different kind of Dutch. You can even use the unspent amount from frugal dating to splurge on your honeymoon, if it comes to that, or for separate I broke up trips if it comes to that. Make sure you have a plan in place for what you will do with the account if you break up.


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## ClipClop (Apr 28, 2011)

A joint account? 

I think he isn't into you if you are the exception. You think that too.
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## marriagesucks (Sep 24, 2010)

Sorry, most of these answers that are trying to come up with an excuse for this guy is crap.

1. Probably you should not have offered to pay if you did not mean it, but that is not the point. The fact that he said "that's only fair" is what everyone is missing! 

2. I think $450 is a lot to spend on someone's birthday considering you are a woman who has known him for a short time (on and off for a year). And you should not expect him to match that and I don't think you are really expecting it. I think if he came up with a romantic date/trip that was less expensive but that he paid for himself, you would have been very happy with that - am i right? 

3. When you first start dating, a man needs to pay. period. Then after you start dating for a while you can treat sometimes. You are right. You did start it off on a bad foot. But I have gone out with some guys who took me out and tried to go dutch on the first date. It was the last. Well, we hang out as friends after and I insist on paying for myself. Of course they get frustrated at being treated like a "buddy." 

4. Money is the cause of many divorces. You might as well stop dating now. He is cheap. You won't change him. You'll just keep getting pissed.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Speaking as a very very frugal person, I can be downright cheap at times. I have walked into restaurants, looked at the menu and got up and left. But even so, I would NOT be comfortable with someone else always footing the bill, paying my way. NEVER !!! THis would make me very uncomfortable & I wouldn't even agree with it (pride I guess). 

I think it says something about his character, like he is taking advantage of you more than he should. BUt of coarse, you Let him do this too -speaking as "gifts" but still he should stand up -I feel, as Mem said nothing wrong with a little TESTING here. 

If he is really into you and is just cheap , he should come forth and dicuss how he feels even about you spending so much on these outings. 

I am kinda old fashioned in the fact -I feel if a guy is REALLY into a girl, he will go out of his way to treat her, even if he is cheap! He wants to get his foot in the door, and he wants to keep her , and often a little spending is the ticket!

I have to wonder if YOU are more into HIM than he is into you -as this seems the other way around. ??


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

Clip Clop. The joint account suggestion was to bring to light that if this ends up being a permanent relationship with shared finances (i.e. a marriage) then that is how it is going to be. Dutch. If it's not acceptable now, at this point in time, it won't be acceptable in the future either.


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## the gifted (Aug 31, 2011)

If he tells you he is paying because of the unpleasantness was no difference?the Opposite is the difference?


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

I think the OP dug her own grave when she went dutch on their first few dates.

That's a big no-no. Sorry. I don't agree with dutch unless you don't plan to be in a relationship. With all the men I've dated, they paid and every 3rd date or so, I'd treat. I'm not a fancy person, and I'm a cheap drunk so....lollll :rofl: no one ever spent that much.


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

I bought my girlfriend a new car on her birthday.

I think this was the start of the Nice Guy syndrome. 

She later became my wife. Then, later, not my wife. 

Maybe someone burned him. An ex? However, he should still step up. Pay for dinners. Movies. Etc. That's what dating is about. Once in a while you can treat.
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