# Wife left via text message...Fooled around with guy from work... Has come home



## Lastchancedro1 (Sep 4, 2016)

On June 16th my wife sent me a text message saying that she was resolved and that she didn't want to be with me anymore. That she wouldn't divorce me so we wouldn't have any problems with the kids or so I wouldn't be made to pay child support. I gave her her space because this has happened before over the course of our six year marriage she has left me at least 7 times. Nothing has ever been violent or physically abusive. But I knew that when she left this time it was different and that we both needed to work on ourselves to be better so I gave her some space. 
Now don't get me wrong I have read some of the posts on this website and some of your issues may be clear-cut or black and white but for me I have talked to my friends and family and don't want to talk to them about this part because if we are able to reconcile our relationship I don't want them to hate her. While she was gone I was under the impression that we weren't going to see anybody else that she was unhappy with where her life was not meeting goals and feeling that our marriage has become stagnant I too was unhappy but willing to work. 

I was under the impression that we weren't going to see anybody but she came home one day and stay the night and I looked through her phone and saw pictures of another man. 
Now for my wife to have pictures of somebody else in her phone they have to be really close to her and on top of that he was brushing his teeth in his bathroom I questioned her about the pictures she said that it was just a friend from work and that there were more pictures of other people. 

She lied straight to my face while laying in our bed. Upon further searching of her phone I found a message from her mother to her saying that she was praying for her new relationship and that everything works out. My wife's response was I have not told him about he said you and the kids yet. Once I saw that message I read confronted her I asked her a few questions I asked her had she slept with him her response was no I asked her had she kissed him her response was yes... I then asked her was the relationship over she replied smugly that it was not a relationship but yes it was over and only lasted about 2 weeks.
The whole time she had been gone her intentions were to move and she had been trying to the best of her ability to find a new place to live and a new school system to enroll our children we have two children together 5 + 3... She had very hard time... And in July on the 21st she came home and told me that she wanted the kids to live here and she wanted to move back home... Not really with me but to make it easy on me since I did not have a job at the time she said that I could stay here but we would still be separated. 

I woke up one night out of a horrible dream and then came into the room and woke her after she became conscious and fully aware of her surroundings I asked her did she do anything else with this guy from work. Her first response was that she didn't want to talk about it. I told her that if we were going to reconcile our relationship I needed to know what went on. She told me that she felt him up and they made out. Now my wife is 6 years younger than I am she is 25. She also said that in no way does she feel wrong about anything that happened between her and the guy since we were " separated" .
Now I don't know about you but we still see each other at least once a week to deal with the kids. Also she slept at the house several times while she was separated we hadn't become physical with each other until a couple of weeks ago... my problem here is that there was never any completion or finalization or closure to our marriage... I really felt like all I was supposed to do was give her some space. When she finally came home and we talked she didn't really want to say that she love me she wasn't really sure if she really wanted to be here and to top it off... She still seems to be acting that way I know things take time and I want to forgive her and move on but she doesn't seem to think that she needs forgiveness. 
I understand what being separated means but we are Christians... And at no time are we truly allowed to just step out on each other... With her knowing that fact and still choosing to be lustful and have dealings with one of her coworkers... I am left with serious trust issues and pain. I find myself frequently looking at her phone checking her map route... and looking on her Facebook messages... Now I am doing all of this behind her back I'm sure she has some knowledge that I messed with her phone but has not said anything... I'm not sure what to do for the first time in a while she has been telling me that she loves me without me prompting her to say it or me saying it first. 

Little things have changed around the house our habits we've started to split the chores she now cooks dinner during the week when I'm at work and has the kids ready for bed by the time I get home she works overnight and so if she's tired in the morning she stays over at a friend's house close to her job. For me that wasn't a problem until I found out that she was staying with the guy that she fooled around with when she told me that she was staying at a friend's house who should have been a female. She claims that she has not seen him since she told him that we were working things out. She said that ended about July the 5th... but we didn't talk about reconciliation until the 21st hard time lines don't match I think I could forgive her if she would ask for forgiveness if I knew the whole truth.

I'm scared that this uncertainty will eat away at me we are approaching our 7th year anniversary and I don't want these thoughts lingering past that point it's about a month away. 
Any advice? I saw the 180 list and have started implementing some of the points.


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## EunuchMonk (Jan 3, 2016)

Lastchancedro1 said:


> On June 16th my wife sent me a text message saying that she was resolved and that she didn't want to be with me anymore. That she wouldn't divorce me so we wouldn't have any problems with the kids or so I wouldn't be made to pay child support. I gave her her space because this has happened before over the course of our six year marriage she has left me at least 7 times. Nothing has ever been violent or physically abusive. But I knew that when she left this time it was different and that we both needed to work on ourselves to be better so I gave her some space.
> Now don't get me wrong I have read some of the posts on this website and some of your issues may be clear-cut or black and white but for me I have talked to my friends and family and don't want to talk to them about this part because if we are able to reconcile our relationship I don't want them to hate her. While she was gone I was under the impression that we weren't going to see anybody else that she was unhappy with where her life was not meeting goals and feeling that our marriage has become stagnant I too was unhappy but willing to work.
> 
> I was under the impression that we weren't going to see anybody but she came home one day and stay the night and I looked through her phone and saw pictures of another man.
> ...


Well, she definitely slept with him. She is lying about that (cue posters: "you're jumping to conclusions"). We see this scenario here all the time. My advice is too work on yourself. Improve yourself with exercise, socialising and hobbies. Try to get a promotion at work or something. It's amazing how your perspective changes when you're in a better place mentally and emotionally.


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## No Longer Lonely Husband (Nov 3, 2015)

180 and detach. You have to show her you will be fine without her. Do not do the pick me dance. Do the dance, you will lose 100% of the time.


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## barbados (Aug 30, 2012)

Lastchancedro1 said:


> On June 16th my wife sent me a text message saying that she was resolved and that she didn't want to be with me anymore.
> 
> I gave her her space because this has happened before over the course of our six year marriage *she has left me at least 7 times.*
> 
> ...


OP your WW is an immature, selfish child who only cares about herself.

She does not love you. She does not care about her own children.

You are 31 years old and you need to man the hell up, stop being such a complete and total doormat, and D this horrible woman ASAP.

You're only concern at this point should be YOU AND YOU'RE KIDS !

She's never been in this marriage. Her leaving at lest 7 times before so she can cheat with other men shows that. Add to that that when she up and leaves she also leaves her kids behind.


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## VladDracul (Jun 17, 2016)

LastChance, by your own admission you two have a bad marriage thats deteriorated over time. Now she's actively seeking and apparently found a replacement for you. She doesn't feel wrong about sleeping with this guy because ya'll were " separated" . She doesn't feel wrong or needs forgiveness because she's completely lost interest, respect, and love for you. 
You may as well face the fact that your wife's heart ain't in you or the marriage no more. Hence there ain't no reconciling, repairing the marriage, working to recover what ya'll once had, or anything else. Your history Dawg, so get your affairs in order.
As far as the kids go, from your statement (_And in July on the 21st she came home and told me that she wanted the kids to live here and she wanted to move back home_) it appears she's willing to jettison the kids along with you and move out (or in with the boyfriend)

Question, since you said you didn't have a job, you ain't one of them "stay at home dads" are you? That would explain a lot of your problems.


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

Geez, I really hope you are trolling us, otherwise you're the biggest doormat I have seen on here in a while. Don't be anybody's b1tch. If you're still unemployed, you will need to remedy that ASAP. You need to be able to support yourself and your kids. She has no respect for you, and being all weepy and needy does even more damage.


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## Lastchancedro1 (Sep 4, 2016)

No... Not joking... Or trolling... I was a stay at home dad because I preach and teach church classes...and she has never cheated before. It happens every summer about she gets cabin fever like she has to do something... This year we experience to floods inside of 60 days and it really upset her and made her question our finances and capability to live in a different place. Not going to lie I have been a doormat I wasn't like this before we got married I felt safe and let my guard down and became comfortable with her the open loving caring things a husband supposed to do


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

Separation is not an excuse to go out and sow your wild oats.
she is a shameless, unrepentant jezebel.

I agree with the others, she did more than 'feel him up and make out'.

do you really want to reconcile with this????


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## Malaise (Aug 8, 2012)

You say she's 'left' 7 times before. Did any of those occur about 9 months before the birth of either of your children?


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

Do you live in the Southeast US?


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## Lastchancedro1 (Sep 4, 2016)

Malaise: my kids are my kids. Never a question about that.


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

Malaise said:


> You say she's 'left' 7 times before. Did any of those occur about 9 months before the birth of either of your children?


Beat me to it.

Have your kids DNA tested. 

"Oh they are mine I'm 100 % sure"

She's left you seven times in six years and has slowly finally started to admit to being physical with one dude. Next time you have a blow up she will admit a little more. But you'll never get the whole truth out of her. 

Note for the kids out there in Internet land:

Do not get married at 18. 9 times out of 10 - you will ruin your life.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

Lastchancedro1 said:


> Malaise: my kids are my kids. Never a question about that.


Right on cue.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Lastchancedro1 (Sep 4, 2016)

Philly guy: would not disagree with you , we have both made bad choices over the years. I know that I love my wife I care for her very much. But the certainty that I once had that we could get through anything it's not there anymore. One because I don't feel and she wants to really work on this. She doesn't want things to be like it was before apathy and complacency...Just out there at the moment. Me that is...


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## Lastchancedro1 (Sep 4, 2016)

We don't fight...like that...I don't yell...I'm get more condescending holier-than-thou type sometimes. Never physical and we haven't really had a fight in about 6 months. She has set goals out for her life and she's not achieving them she's money hungry wants to make a difference in the world type person hayama change the world one person at a time


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## VladDracul (Jun 17, 2016)

Lastchancedro1 said:


> I was a stay at home dad


There you go. I'm going to say it again for the humpteenth time, if you want to hang around the den while the female brings home the groceries you need to be a lion. 
Whoever taught you about dealing with and managing yourself around women you need to go punch them in the face.
:wink2:


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## Malaise (Aug 8, 2012)

On June 16th my wife sent me a text message saying that she was resolved and that she didn't want to be with me anymore. That she wouldn't divorce me so we wouldn't have any problems with the kids or so I wouldn't be made to pay child support. 



Translation : I want to run around. I don't want to look bad by filing for divorce. You take care of the kids while I have my fun.


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

What's done is done... It's just my opinion that 18 is much too young to be married. In many cases 25 is too young as well, and unfortunately your wife falls into that category.

Separating 7 times in six years tells you all you need to know. And if you take her back I would wager the 8th time would happen within months.

Divorce, petition for full custody of the kids (you will probably get joint custody) and keep being a good father. 

As far as the kids, I'm sure they are yours. However on the 1% chance that they aren't, you are still their loving dad, but it could give you options on pursuing others for child support. It also sends wife a loud and clear message on how much she has f--ked up that you now question the very paternity of your precious children. There are several cases here where the guy was 100% certain. Until proven otherwise.

My sense is she has had an on-again off-again romance for a few years. Her man likes getting action on the side, she loves the attention. Separates from you to be with him. He won't commit because he's just in it for the sex. She crawls back to you. Rinse repeat.

Sorry you are here.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## VladDracul (Jun 17, 2016)

Its like my grand daddy would say, "if you got a good horse, ride it". Why wouldn't she take full advantage having the same roof over her, dating who she wants, and having baby sitting services when she wants to make a night of it; all the while keeping her options open with a soft place to land.


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## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

Wow, having read the OP my only question is, Why are you are you even wasting time thinking about this. Divorce her so that you can collect child support. She did you the greatest favor by putting her intentions down in written form. You aren't being a doormat, you are being used as a pile of dog crap and you allow it to happen


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

From his side, a divorced preacher probably won't find much work.


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## EunuchMonk (Jan 3, 2016)

PhillyGuy13 said:


> What's done is done... It's just my opinion that 18 is much too young to be married. In many cases 25 is too young as well, and unfortunately your wife falls into that category.
> 
> Separating 7 times in six years tells you all you need to know. And if you take her back I would wager the 8th time would happen within months.
> 
> ...












OP have a seat. Church is in session!


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## Seppuku (Sep 22, 2010)

Dude. Listen to what people are saying.

She stays with him overnight on the mornings that she is too tired to come home?

She has a picture of him, in HIS bathroom, brushing his teeth?

She is having her cake and eating it too.

What more do you need to know? Get a DNA test on the kids (you can buy them at the drug store and then send off the samples). Do the 180. File.

Being a Christian doesn't mean being a doormat. The Bible also allows for divorce in cases of adultery, as I'm sure you know.

Preaching and teaching shouldn't come at the expense of your family - and this is coming from another Christian. This is not a minor struggle - this is potentially life altering for you, your family, and whoever your kids choose to marry in the future. I don't know the genders of your children, but you are teaching your son to be a doormat and teaching your daughter that a man should be a doormat. What advice would you give your children if they found themselves in the same situation?

Hint: I hope it's not "I am praying for your new relationship and that everything works out."

Sent from my LG-H810 using Tapatalk


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## niceguy28 (May 6, 2016)

OP you talk about your Christian faith but part of what God commands us as men to do is be the head of our households. You cannot be the head if you continually let your wife disrespect you and your children by her behavior. You are her doormat. You are the backup plan to her. You are allowing this woman to have her cake and eat it to while you sit back and become depressed. I don't mean to be disrespectful but this site is full of guys who let women walk all over them. You have always got to make sure that your woman knows that you will walk if you have to. If you want to continue on the sad path that you are on and model this kind of garbage for your children then keep on doing what you are doing. If you want to teach your children how to respect themselves and how to demand respect from others then kick your wife to the curb.


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## lisamaree (Nov 2, 2014)

I can guarantee she had sex with him. Many times. I can also guarantee she has cheated on you before, during her other 7 break offs. Take the kids and go. This woman is dangerous to you and she's dangerous to them - she will put her affair partner, no matter what, above her own kids??


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

she's got pics of him brushing his teeth, she sleeps with him, she's admitted to xyz, and you don't think they're having sex? Do you ignore the obvious all the time, or just when it comes to your own life?

You do some preaching but you don't do any working? You need to work on that. You are expected to work. And as said, once you divorce the preaching is over. 

Get a job, get rid of your wife, and take care of your kids. Yes, have them paternity tested. As much as you stick your head in the sand, it's easily possible you've missed things.

Sorry about your wife. I know it hurts. But once you accept its over, you can start to move on.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Wolfman1968 (Jun 9, 2011)

Lastchancedro1 said:


> On June 16th my wife sent me a text message saying that she was resolved and that she didn't want to be with me anymore. That she wouldn't divorce me so we wouldn't have any problems with the kids or so I wouldn't be made to pay child support.





Lastchancedro1 said:


> .. I was a stay at home dad


So exactly why does the stay at home dad pay child support?

Doesn't the Stay at Home get custody of the kids and the breadwinner pay child support?


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## dash74 (Jan 3, 2015)

I am reading this as "My wife has ran off many times in our marriage to screw some bad boy the latest this past July. I got up from bed this morning and finally see horns on my head no wonder my hats have not fit in years" 

1. STD test will take months for you to know if you are good

2. DNA test the kids

2. Long game let her run off again. Keep the kids change the locks she just gave you de-facto custody keep records of everything talk to a lawyer and plan around this and make a game plan


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Lastchancedro1 said:


> No... Not joking... Or trolling... I was a stay at home dad because I preach and teach church classes...and she has never cheated before. It happens every summer about she gets cabin fever like she has to do something... This year we experience to floods inside of 60 days and it really upset her and made her question our finances and capability to live in a different place. Not going to lie I have been a doormat I wasn't like this before we got married I felt safe and let my guard down and became comfortable with her the open loving caring things a husband supposed to do


Your wife is not a Christian. 

She may be saved. She may pray to a Christian God. But that is it. 

Get a job....number one. Or go to seminary and become an ordained pastor so you can get paid for the ministry you do. 

You never should have stopped working. Brother you have messed things up so bad though a lot of stupid decisions. That doesn't give her the right to cheat on you, but those bad decisions resulted in her losing all respect for you.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Sorry LC,

Your wife has slept with him and is using you as Plan B, meanwhile she is having her cake and eating it too, while you look on and remain docile. You need to go scorched earth on her a**

Sounds like your wife married too young, has young kids now wants to experience life, then give it to her!
The only way you will win this war is to act as if you don't give a damn

1. Do all of the 180 on her
2. tell all your family, her family, friends and anyone who will listen what she has done. Ensure the 'story' out there is not something she has concocted to look good, nothing but the rotten truth
3. (BTW her family are not friends of your marriage, esp her mother!)
4. Contact a lawyer and see what your options are, if you are both in the house, draw up a very clear separation agreement, You will not be her baby sitter or financial provider, that would suit her down to the ground, nip that in the bud. Tell her if she wants her independence so badly, you expect her to go get a job as you will only be financing the kids. Ask your lawyer about this. Set aside more money in a private account, don't let her have it.
5. Try to find out who is the OM and blow up his world, tell his wife, family etc
6. Spend lots of time with your kids, love them, play with them
7. Work on yourself, go to the gym, do things for yourself, take up another hobby
8. show your WW that you are doing great and do not need her in your life

I know you love this woman, but now it the time to take off the gloves and show her what you are made of. If it works great, if not you have become a better man, who can move on and meet someone worthy of you. Honestly she doesn't sound very solid or mature if she has ran off so many times, you don't need that ****.

Time you did what a man should do and took care of your family financially. Your wife does not respect you and you have had a part to play in that. Take care of your family's needs first and foremost, the bible is very clear on that. Read I Timothy 5:8, that is your job. Now take action.


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## Lastchancedro1 (Sep 4, 2016)

I appreciate your words, I'm not perfect there is always more to a story, she is young and somethings that life teaches you along the way she has missed or refuses to learn. I do think she has lost respect for me, I can honestly say I don't believe she has ever cheated before, and I am licences to preach and get paid, and do odd jobs, I make money just not as much as she does. 
I have become complacent in certain areas of my life and that has directly affected my marriage. I have never been insecure or weed around my children and they have never known that there has been issues in our marriage. 
Thanks again... I posted this because I wanted to talk to people and see what their opinion was some of the information has been a bit grounding... I don't approach my life the way some of the individuals who have commented seem too. 

Some harsh truths... Some stuff that is not an option... But advice nonetheless. Their honest opinions.


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## RWB (Feb 6, 2010)

dash74 said:


> 1. STD test will take months for you to know if you are good


After exposure, for an STD to be detected...

2 weeks: gonorrhea and chlamydia.
1 week to 3 months: syphilis.
6 weeks to 3 months: HIV, hep C, B.


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## harrybrown (May 22, 2013)

you will not nice her back.

she will not get any respect for you.

she has an open marriage. she is cheating, and she gets her way, with no consequences. 

her mother has been told about all your faults. 

grow a pair, and file for d.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

Ynot said:


> Wow, having read the OP my only question is, Why are you are you even wasting time thinking about this. Divorce her *so that you can collect child support*. She did you the greatest favor by putting her intentions down in written form. You aren't being a doormat, you are being used as a pile of dog crap and you allow it to happen


she does not want a divorce because she does not want to pay you. Get the divorce, now.


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## MyRevelation (Apr 12, 2016)

PhillyGuy13 said:


> Note for the kids out there in Internet land:
> 
> Do not get married at 18. 9 times out of 10 - you will ruin your life.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


ABSOLUTELY ... "This message was brought to you by the Voice of Experience".


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## dash74 (Jan 3, 2015)

RWB said:


> After exposure, for an STD to be detected...
> 
> 2 weeks: gonorrhea and chlamydia.
> 1 week to 3 months: syphilis.
> 6 weeks to 3 months: HIV, hep C, B.


Yep, and if he wants to play the long game he needs to wrap it up or get a std screening punch card


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## VladDracul (Jun 17, 2016)

Lastchancedro1 said:


> I don't approach my life the way some of the individuals who have commented seem too.
> Some harsh truths... Some stuff that is not an option... But advice nonetheless. Their honest opinions.


LC my man. I don't know whether your wife cheated before or not but she's cheating now and its in your face. Personally I think its out of your hands on two fronts. First, from her actions its likely she's going to ditch you, and second, once the word is out that another guy is in her saddle, your preaching days are likely over, at least locally.
Nonetheless, she has left you seven times in six years, praying that the new relationship with your replacement works, actively looking for a new place away from you, telling you she doesn't want your forgiveness etc., etc. 
I know you said you don't approach life like some of us, but can we at least agree there is just something about you that pisses her off?


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Good grief.

File, 180, detach.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## thenub (Oct 3, 2014)

Maybe remove the welcome sign from your forehead and put it on her crotch where it belongs. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

PhillyGuy13 said:


> As far as the kids, I'm sure they are yours. However on the 1% chance that they aren't, you are still their loving dad, but it could give you options on pursuing others for child support. It also sends wife a loud and clear message on how much she has f--ked up that you now question the very paternity of your precious children. There are several cases here where the guy was 100% certain. Until proven otherwise.
> 
> *My sense is she has had an on-again off-again romance for a few years. Her man likes getting action on the side, she loves the attention. Separates from you to be with him. He won't commit because he's just in it for the sex. She crawls back to you. Rinse repeat.*
> 
> ...


I agree. OP should definitely DNA the kids. How many threads have we read on TAM, LS, or SI about BHs who believed the kid was there to painfully find out he was cucked.

As for her leaving so many times in the past, she may be with the same guy that's not willing to take her on but is willing just wants to use her as a free prostitute. Not many guys are going to turn down easy sex. 

As for you not being the main bread winner. That is a big deal. Most woman don't handle the pressure of being the main breadwinner very well. Sure some can do it, but most become resentful. It's so bad that her mother is praying that her relationship with her affair partner works out. Either Grandma is a POS or you my friend are such a loser that the grandmother is praying for the destruction of her grandkid's family.

Wanting to serve the Lord doesn't absolve you of your 1st responsibility of being a father and husband. Doing odd jobs doesn't cut it. By neglecting your responsibility as head of household, your family is probably going to be torn asunder.


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## TaDor (Dec 20, 2015)

Being a Christian or a preacher doesn't make you (or anyone) immune from infidelity. You can pray 1000 times a day, at the end of the day. Your wife is going to do whatever it is she does.
There have been CHEATING preachers who had sex with their guests... happens a lot.

If she has RUN OFF (left you) for a few days or more at a time, you HAVE NO IDEA what she is doing. You cannot see into her head.

"We're just friends" - is the standard line of cheaters. You've seen more than enough to know EXACTLY what she is doing. You are lying to yourself otherwise (as do many of us, when this happens).
She didn't want to tell you SHE slept at her CO-WORKERS home for a reason. Yeah, she rode his penis. Why not? She lied about little things... so you think she's going to be HONEST about a big thing such as having sex for hours with her co-worker?

Start 180 now.
prepare for her next time by talking to lawyers.
Prepare to get rid of her... when she RUNS AWAY from home / out of the house "to find herself" again. FILE against her. File for divorce. Change the locks. 
Women like her have hooked up with serial killers and gotten kids raped and killed. You do NOT know your wife.

When my wife moved out and it involved the police, I filed against her for her actions.

Your wife sounds very unstable and you are letting her poop all over you. Maybe the first 1-2 times is something you can work on. And worse still, her MOTHER is *IN ON IT*... they are your enemies.

You need to work on yourself. And start getting ANGRY.


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## QuietSoul (Feb 11, 2012)

OP I am sorry to hear of your situation. I too am a Christian. Do I thought the text from your MIL to WS was odd. Do you have a church, or a pastor you both respect, or an older couple at church who you feel you would be comfortable talking to? 

Your W is not making her decisions soberly, but she us making them, and it's disappointing and hurtful no doubt. 

It seems she has repeatedly been caught out in lies and does not seem like she can be trusted to give you the full truth. 

Look after yourself and the kids now, and don't have reservations about talking about thus openly as appropriate with pastor, family etc. The truth should be in the light, and lies lose their power in the light. I hope she at least agrees to see someone with you like a MC, pastor, or other experienced mentor


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

It seems like you believe that she left you and then started a relationship with someone else. 

I think it's far more likely she formed a relationship with someone else and then left you. Of course, she would never admit that. He probably put the brakes on (or maybe she did because of the kids) and that's when she came back to you to tread water for a while.

Her mother has confirmed that there was a relationship in progress through her text message and that your wife seemed to have hoped would become serious.

At this point, she's not going to be interested in working on the marriage. Her interests lay elsewhere. If she doesn't seem to be depressed or upset at the moment, my guess is that he is still in the picture. If she's staying out over night, then I think there could be no doubt whatsoever.


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## Mr Blunt (Jul 18, 2012)

> *By Lastchance*
> I appreciate your words, I'm not perfect there is always more to a story, she is young and somethings that life teaches you along the way she has missed or refuses to learn. I do think *she has lost respect for me*, I can honestly say I don't believe she has ever cheated before, and *I am licences to preach* and get paid, and do odd jobs, I make money just not as much as she does.
> 
> *I have become complacent in certain areas of my life* and that has directly affected my marriage. I have never been insecure or weed around my children and they have never known that there has been issues in our marriage.
> ...





Since you are a Christian preacher your main authority is the Bible right?

As described in the Bible, I am sure that you know that the preacher Eli failed to take strong action against his sons for sinning and God then killed Eli’s sons. I am sure that you also know that Ananias and Sapphira were also struck dead by God for sinning. I am not suggesting that God is going to kill your wife. What I am pointing out is that you have a responsibility to be strong and demand that your wife be held accountable and give consequences for her sin against God and her betrayal of you and your children. Sometimes some Christians just want to avoid the part in Christianity that requires you to be a stand up strong person.

*You are not one of those preachers that cop out of taking strong Christian actions by misappropriating God’s love and ignoring responsibility are you?* God’s love and grace are great but there are situations that require you to take strong actions to make someone accountable and/or apply consequences. When Jesus saw that the moneychangers were disrespecting God he pulled out a whip and took strong actions and overturned their money tables. God and Jesus took strong actions against people that willfully sinned and were repeatedly disrespectful. *I know you know all this so what strong actions have you taken with your with during her 7 times of leaving you?*


I can give you my opinion on your situation but I know that you can easily find a way to disregard my opinion. *I want to ask you how you interpret the following scriptures as guidance in your situation with your wife who is repeatedly disrespected you and sinned against God?*


2 Thessalonians 3:6  
Now we command you, brothers, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that you *keep away from any brother who is walking in idleness and not in accord with the tradition that you received from us*.


Matthew 18:15-17 
“If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. *And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.*

1 Corinthians 5:11 
*But now I am writing to you not to associate with anyone who bears the name of brother if he is guilty of sexual immorality* or greed, or is an idolater, reviler, drunkard, or swindler—not even to eat with such a one


*Lastchance, Do you see how the scriptures above give specific instructions on facing difficult situations and taking strong actions*?


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## straightshooter (Dec 27, 2015)

Do you realize that every summer for the last seven years your wife has taken off for a while and dated. Or do you think she was bird watching.

You may be finding some off the words harsh. That is because anyone reading this would find it difficult to believe any man could sit there and justify remaining in this situation.,

You apparently are content to remain in this open marriage so I cannot imagine any advice anyone gives you will matter.

I guess you vented and have been heard. You certainly do not want to change your situation bad enough to do anything.
Just continue to pay the bills ( she is so considerate not divorcing you), and watch her date. If you think there is anything different going to happen, you are mistaken.

When someone makes poor decisions over and over again, why would you expect the results to be any different. She is not in a fog. You are, but that is your right.

I suggest you join a polyamory forum. You will get advice there on how to accept this, be a loving husband, and just have a ball.

When and if you want to put a stop to vthis crap, you can get a TON of good advice here. Until then, we all know where this will end.


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## VladDracul (Jun 17, 2016)

Straightshooter, what you're saying is well and good but you're failing to address an important part. If he bites the bullet and ditches her over her catting around, how's he suppose to carry on without her income?


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## straightshooter (Dec 27, 2015)

V Lad

Good point. 

So he has decision to make. Live as a cuckold or find something to do other than preach.

There are women on these forums who have gone to a shelter rather than put up with serial cheaters or abusers. And in most countries in gthe civilized world they split assets or at least some of them oin a divorce and if she is earning more money she does not get to keep out all. So she does not come out smelling like a rose unless she has a OM who will support her.

Now OP, you state that you do not believe that while she has "disappeared" each summer for a "little while" that she has cheated before in seven cracks at it. Anyone want to bet on that one given what you have just described now.


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## higgsb (Apr 4, 2016)

> I woke up one night out of a horrible dream and then came into the room and woke her after she became conscious and fully aware of her surroundings I asked her did she do anything else with this guy from work. Her first response was that she didn't want to talk about it. I told her that if we were going to reconcile our relationship I needed to know what went on. She told me that she felt him up and they made out. Now my wife is 6 years younger than I am she is 25. *She also said that in no way does she feel wrong about anything that happened between her and the guy since we were " separated" .*


This "we were separated" line must be common. My wife had a TRO taken out against me, then had a 3 month long affair in my house and when I found out, the first words out her mouth were "we were separated."

Dump the b!tch!


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

She never actually accepted the marriage as being, for want of a better expression, "real", did she?

Have you spoken with her mother about this?


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

@Lastchancedro1, the absolute first thing that you need to accept is this:

She's lying. She f*cked him.

As for what your response should be, that's easy -- divorce.

Hell, if it helps you to "get there" at all, imagine that every time she's left you (7 times in 7 years...?), she's been f*cking some other guy... because it's probably true.

Now for the good news... divorce was practically MADE for marriages like yours.

Oh, and DNA your kids.

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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