# Sleep groping



## Celes (Apr 28, 2015)

Has anyone else experienced this? Curious to see if anyone has. 

My husband sometimes sleep gropes me. He will start grabbing my butt or fondling my boobs in the middle of the night, while totally asleep. Sometimes pretty roughly. And sometimes slip his hand down my panties. 

I'll be deep asleep only to wake up to being molested lol. Sometimes he'll wake me up a few times in the night after I gently nudge him away each time. I wake up feeling exhausted. 

I've asked him if he remembers anything in the morning and he won't. Sometimes he'll only remember it vaguely. 

Is this normal?? Anyone else experience this?


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

I have done the same to my wife. Sometimes I remember sometimes not.

She always remembers. 😞

After 28 yrs I'm still very attracted to my wife. Also, the dreams I remember are of her.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

It's not necessarily for erotic purposes.

For a couple years I suffered with trigger finger, which is a hand orthopaedic issue that is caused by repetitive stress injury. I sleep stretched out and often put my hand under wife's body as it helped a lot. I finally had surgery a year ago.

Now wife has a similar issue and sleeps stretched out. If her hand reaches any part of my side she gets upset that "I'm bothering her" 😁

Needless to say such things were not an issue a decade ago..

If it becomes an issue with OP a Fitbit or similar does a great job monitoring sleep and data can't be faked 😎.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*I was broken early in my first marriage from "sucking eggs" in getting overly close to my first W!

Now she never really cared all that much about snuggling during sleep hours in the first place!

Anyway, early one morning after having awoken, I was getting rather frisky when I decided to position myself under the covers right between my W's naked legs to awaken her with a little early morning oral!

Long story short, I got promptly kicked in the side, the scrotum, and then the head, all in extremely fast sequence! End story: She barely even woke up to witness my pain!

Moral: Well, let's just say that I never attempted that little trick ever again!*


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

i am usually awake when i grope my wife, which usually happens in the early morning right before getting out of bed. 

my wife tosses and turns more often than i do, but i still often wake up from a bad dream. actually, both of us still wake up often from bad dreams. she will reach out to me and cling to me when she has them. for me, it depends on what the dream was about.


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## northpolestu (Aug 4, 2014)

I love to cuddle and I do that with my wife. I'm strange I guess where I love to have my hand either on her stomach or down her panties a bit, but often it doesn't lead to anything because she is such a sound sleeper. I've tried waking her by rubbing and she never remembers it the next morning. 

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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

Celes said:


> Has anyone else experienced this? Curious to see if anyone has.
> 
> 
> 
> ...




Divorce him immediately! (Joking)
Yes this happened to me all the time. 
Now not so much as I have been relegated to another room due to hungry baby.
My wife on the other hand, used to sleep-argue with me. I know she was asleep because next day she couldn't remember and it would also make no sense at the time. I thought this wasn't normal.


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

inmyprime said:


> Divorce him immediately! (Joking)
> Yes this happened to me all the time.
> Now not so much as I have been relegated to another room due to hungry baby.
> My wife on the other hand, used to sleep-argue with me. I know she was asleep because next day she couldn't remember and it would also make no sense at the time. I thought this wasn't normal.
> ...


sleep talking...

that is something that sometimes worries me. i dont do it often, but apparently i do sometimes talk in my sleep. sometimes, i remember the conversations as if they really happened. it can be confusing when that happens. 

i have learned to talk about deployment stuff that bothers me while i am awake. keeps me from talking about it in my sleep.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

It's more a problem when you say her sisters name while talking in your sleep 

I did do this once apparently with my x wife. Middle of the night I started rubbing her butt and said "hmm is a nice bum bum". She had to get out of bed she was laughing so hard. No memory of it.

I do tend to grind when I cuddle so I know I do that much.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Celes said:


> Has anyone else experienced this? Curious to see if anyone has.
> 
> My husband sometimes sleep gropes me. He will start grabbing my butt or fondling my boobs in the middle of the night, while totally asleep. Sometimes pretty roughly. And sometimes slip his hand down my panties.
> 
> ...


I have groped my W at night unknowingly. My W has groped me unknowingly. Sometime we grope the other when fully awake and the other is asleep. :smile2:

Sometimes my W will have full on conversations with family members. She never remembers. Singing while asleep is also something she does.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Celes said:


> Is this normal?? Anyone else experience this?


My wife loves to do this to me when she needs to warm her hands from being outside in the cold while I am already sleeping nice and warm in the bed!


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## browser (Oct 26, 2016)

As long as he's not mumbling some other woman's name it's all good.


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

Yes, my fiance does this, but I think it's on purpose. lol


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Boyfriend does this but not in a fully asleep state. He is groggy and drowsy and maybe barely awake, but if he rolls over and wakes up even the tiniest bit, he will usually reach out for me. Depending on what his hand hits, he will grope me or just gently stroke me, or if it is my hand he hits he holds it. Ass or legs, it is for sure a grope. 

He will also sometimes grab my hand and put it on his body in the middle of the night, various places on his body (not only just the obvious one, but that one, too). I love when he does that because it gives me a chance to keep up with him, with his touching and admiration of my body. He wants that too and I like giving it to him, but he is just so much more assertive than I am that I will never catch up on my own...though I do my best.

If he was truly asleep and never remembered any of it, I wouldn't like it and would feel violated, I think.


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

Faithful Wife said:


> If he was truly asleep and never remembered any of it, I wouldn't like it and would feel violated, I think.



Why? Could it not also be interpreted as the ultimate sign of his attraction for you? That his attraction is so strong that his body responds even while he is unconscious?

Funny topic.



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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

inmyprime said:


> Why? Could it not also be interpreted as the ultimate sign of his attraction for you? That his attraction is so strong that his body responds even while he is unconscious?
> 
> Funny topic.


Ok sure, if this had happened a time or two, and he was fun and sexy about it even while fully asleep, I'd love it!

But my experience with people who act things out while they are fully asleep hasn't been very good. People can kick, punch, shove and grab you so hard they can leave bruises. They cannot respond to you, they do not know you exist, you are not "you", you are some dream image to them, and they have super human strength. It can be very frightening. If they speak to you, they are not speaking to "you". And they do not act in rational ways, because they are dreaming, so even what could be a nice grope, if he's totally asleep, it can quickly turn into a shove or a punch or a squeeze so hard you leap out of bed. Because he wouldn't know what he was doing nor be able to gauge your reaction in the least. You can't mess around with someone who has super human strength and absolutely no sense of reality.

I require enough consciousness being present to understand consent. 

But as I said...if I had experienced my boyfriend in a fully asleep state just sexily touching and groping me, sure, that would be fun. 

I had one experience with an ex, where we both apparently slipped into a sex dream about each other and both went for each other at the same time in our sleep! We woke up having sex! We were both stunned! It was really fun because it was so odd and different, and it was like what you said about our bodies just going at each other without us even having to be involved...so it felt really primal and sexual. That did not happen exactly like that ever again, but there were a few times when he said I started climbing on top of him in my sleep, he didn't discourage me and was willing to participate, but he said once I got up there I just passed out on top of him all dead weight. Not too sexy by then, ha! And there were a couple of times he did something of the same thing to me...came after me with a night erection seemingly just awake and initiating sex, but when I started responding and trying to kiss him he was essentially dead weight again. 

He actually also grabbed my wrist once while he was dreaming about something random and he almost broke it.  He had no idea. It was scary. That only happened once, thank god.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

When in my twenties, we would wake up having full on sex. Never sure who instigated it. According to one TV documentary its not that uncommon.
I might add though that I was a sleep walker as a child and that's very common.


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

My wife was a sleep walker & talker; i once had an argument (must have been 15+ years ago) with her because i took something from her drawer (I think it was a floppy disk. So must have been long time ago). She was very worked up about it and gave me 50 million reasons why it was so wrong of me to take it out of her drawer in the middle of the night and i felt very guilty and ashamed of myself the whole night. Next morning she didn't remember any of it and i realised her eyes weren't actually open when she was shouting at me. She sleep-shamed me.
I do sometimes grope her in my sleep. But she shouldn't take it as a compliment; I also groped my sister and one of my best (male) friend once I had to sleep in close proximity to them. My friend assured me I was a gentle "groper" the next morning.


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## TheCuriousWife (Jan 28, 2013)

My husband is a major sleep talker. He will also get up and start doing things such as open drawers. He is never awake, and never remembers.

We always spoon to sleep, and he often sleep gropes me which I enjoy. Even when asleep he seems aware of me. Such as if I cough, I can feel his arm lift slightly off me to give me room to breathe. It's just a reaction, and he doesn't even know he does it. 

He also does funny stuff like kiss me on the forehead and tell me happy birthday.


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## Mr.Fisty (Nov 4, 2014)

TheCuriousWife said:


> My husband is a major sleep talker. He will also get up and start doing things such as open drawers. He is never awake, and never remembers.
> 
> We always spoon to sleep, and he often sleep gropes me which I enjoy. Even when asleep he seems aware of me. Such as if I cough, I can feel his arm lift slightly off me to give me room to breathe. It's just a reaction, and he doesn't even know he does it.
> 
> He also does funny stuff like kiss me on the forehead and tell me happy birthday.



Sooo.... How old are you now? :wink2:


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## Celes (Apr 28, 2015)

Haha this is all fascinating to me. I never knew it was a thing. I always sleep soundly and don't move an inch. 

Except for one time. I was having sleep trouble and was prescribed Ambien. I was taking half a pill a night. Well one night I took a full one for some reason and fell asleep. Well I apparently turned into a sex fiend. Came on to my husband and we had crazy rough sex. And I was telling him to be rough. Ordering him to do it harder. 

When I woke up, he told me about it. I didn't remember a thing, it was actually really creepy. He had no idea I wasn't conscious. My eyes were open and everything. I seemed to really enjoy myself. 

I Googled it after, it's apparently a weird side effect from the Ambien. I think they need a warning on the label. "Beware, this could turn you into a sex fiend"


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## happy2gether (Dec 6, 2015)

my wife says I have done it off and on years. Even a few times she says we have had full on PIV sex and I never knew it! I now take ambien and most nights she says I don't move once I go to sleep.


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## ulyssesheart (Jan 7, 2017)

When you are asleep, it is the subconscious mind that is dominant. It is his subconscious mind that is fondling you. What a deal. You now have two men to love, the conscious hunk and the subconscious mystery man. And, you get to love both with moral certitude.


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## browser (Oct 26, 2016)

ulyssesheart said:


> When you are asleep, it is the subconscious mind that is dominant. It is his subconscious mind that is fondling you. What a deal. You now have two men to love, the conscious hunk and the subconscious mystery man. And, you get to love both with moral certitude.


If she's having sex with his unconscious self, who is heretofore defined as a "second man" as per your post, then she's cheating on her husband and that could be considered grounds for divorce, depending on how he feels about it. If she is a woman of honest and moral character, she would refuse the advances of his unconscious self.


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

I've never been sleep groped, but my current partner and I (when I sleep at his place) will fall asleep while spooning, and sometimes he will like to hold one of my boobs in his hand while we spoon. But his hand goes slack and he lets go as soon as he falls asleep. Eventually, one (or both) of us will roll over to sleep apart. But he eventually rolls back into spooning position and reaches out to pull me back in, even though we're both still asleep. 

It makes me wonder if he reaches for me when I'm not there...


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Yeswecan said:


> I have groped my W at night unknowingly. My W has groped me unknowingly. Sometime we grope the other when fully awake and the other is asleep. :smile2


*I guess that for the immediate time being, still being single and all, that I'll just have to make do with "groping myself" in those long, lonely, wee hours of the morning*


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

arbitrator said:


> *I guess that for the immediate time being, still being single and all, that I'll just have to make do with "groping myself" in those long, lonely, wee hours of the morning*


Keep the faith!


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

Wow, some women actually think that "sleep groping" is actually molesting and being violated. I think I've heard practically everything now! Are men actually permitted to touch their wives?? Who the **** knows??


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## browser (Oct 26, 2016)

jb02157 said:


> Wow, some women actually think that "sleep groping" is actually molesting and being violated. I think I've heard practically everything now! Are men actually permitted to touch their wives?? Who the **** knows??


If a guy goes to jail for it he only has to serve his time at night. When he's asleep of course.


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

jb02157 said:


> Wow, some women actually think that "sleep groping" is actually molesting and being violated. I think I've heard practically everything now! Are men actually permitted to touch their wives?? Who the **** knows??


My partner and I were talking about consent recently, and he occasionally asks me jokingly if he has my permission to do this or that. I told him that he always has my consent until I explicitly state otherwise, including while I am asleep.


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## snerg (Apr 10, 2013)

browser said:


> If she's having sex with his unconscious self, who is heretofore defined as a "second man" as per your post, then she's cheating on her husband and that could be considered grounds for divorce, depending on how he feels about it. If she is a woman of honest and moral character, she would refuse the advances of his unconscious self.




What?


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## browser (Oct 26, 2016)

Yup and in order to prove infidelity it might be necessary to give a lie detector to the subconscious self, when they're asleep of course.


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## Baleegh (Nov 2, 2017)

I do it on purpose and she like it sometime but often get exhausted and awake where as I have no knowledge about the incident that happened later that night and we love each other a lot with a marriage of now 21 years old I enjoy groping her butt in sleep and grabbing her breasts during day only and only when we both are alone and no one is watching. It’s a great experience and I enjoy it since I met her first in cold nights of 1993.


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

Old thread, but I only just saw it... sorry.

I definitely do this, pretty regularly, too.

I'm in a semi-conscious state when I do it. I'm aware I'm doing it, but at the same time, not, if that makes sense.

She's a very sound sleeper, so it rarely wakes her. At worst, she'll remove my hand and roll over, but she's not "awake".

There have been times where I've literally been rubbing her clit and she's sound asleep. When my full consciousness regains, I always stop. But when I'm doing it, I'm not "fully there".

And yes, there have been times where I've gone that far, and she's responded - also half-conscious. Her legs will open a bit, for example. AFAIK, this has never happened to orgasm.

Thus far, she has never remembered a thing. Because it's me doing it, and I almost always wake up enough to realize what I'm doing (and thus stop it), I tend to remember. I'm not a deep sleeper, and she most definitely is.

Honestly, it's bizarre. That realm in between sleep and being awake is very strange, indeed. It's happening, but it's not happening. Freaks me out!


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

A married man does not...
A man in an exclusive relationship does not....

Grope.

He touches the one he loves.

Fondling? No, fondly.


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## marriageontherocks2 (Oct 4, 2017)

I sleep spooning with my arm and hand across my wife's bare boobs, if we move out of position in the middle of the night I'll pull her back into that position to finish sleeping, she snuggles right in and doesn't mind if I cop a feel or two.

Worry when your husband no longer wants to grope you, not when he can't keep his hands off you.


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

Know this post is a bit old, but Odo will grope me in his sleep (grope, fondle, touch, caress, whatever you want to call it).

He is a naturally tactile person. It's woken me up a few times and he is most definitely asleep when he does it. I find it sweet and a comfort thing for him to do.


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## Middle of Everything (Feb 19, 2012)

I kind of wish I would be a sleep groper. Wife bundles up for sleep too much, and Im a furnace that gets hot sleeping. Maybe if she would sleep nude like ive said we should.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

DH sleep gropes and it often leads to sleep sex. He'll touch me or place my hand on his groin, kiss, make all the appropriate sounds in the right places, whisper naughty things in my ear, etc., all while deeply asleep. I don't mind. At all.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

I remember doing this once. I was dead asleep and somehow approached that groggy state between asleep and awake and noticed my fingers were inside her. 

I was pretty shocked myself and, in my foggy state, totally froze, not knowing what to do next. 

At that moment, she said in a rather stern voice "XXXX, what are you doing?"

I was still froze and after a few awkward seconds I was able to mumble the words "I don't know. I was asleep"

Response "Uh huh, ... you know exactly what you were doing." She had great difficulty believing me.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Yep I sometimes do that and often talk in my sleep as well, although it tends to happen more often when I am overtired otherwise it is quite infrequent.

My wife is used to it and when she's wanting sleep she just pushes me away from her and I continue to sleep without bothering her or having any clue what I was doing. Except for the limited occasions I have woken up doing something, and I then tend to stop say sorry and go back to sleep.

All of my longer term sexual partners have also experienced this with me at some point.

While one of my platonic female friends experienced this, when we shared her bed many years ago while I crashed at hers. On realising I was still asleep, she just pushed me away from her and went back to sleep with no more bother from me. That said I was a rather embarrassed when she told me what happened in the morning.


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## JayDee7 (Sep 12, 2017)

I?m glad this is common and I?m not the only one. I do this to my wife all the time, she has done this to me on a few occasions.


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## genabee (Nov 26, 2016)

My husband I and sleep naked and we almost always fall asleep spooning and he cups one of my breasts in his hand. During the night we spread out on the bed but sometimes in the middle of the night he rolls back over and spoons me again.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Celes said:


> Has anyone else experienced this? Curious to see if anyone has.
> 
> My husband sometimes sleep gropes me. He will start grabbing my butt or fondling my boobs in the middle of the night, while totally asleep. Sometimes pretty roughly. And sometimes slip his hand down my panties.
> 
> ...


It has happened a lot with me molesting my wife while I'm asleep.

I vaguely remember sensations but for whatever reason, she says it is the softest most erotic touches she has ever felt. She calls it alien 👽 sex and it gets her motor running so hot that she often takes it all the way to intercourse.

When she starts having sex with me, I always come around enough to know what is going on.

It is always hot!


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## musicftw07 (Jun 23, 2016)

SunCMars said:


> A married man does not...
> A man in an exclusive relationship does not....
> 
> Grope.
> ...


I love my girlfriend more than any other woman I've ever been with. She is my light, my love, my counterpart, my sweet.

And I grope the hell out of her whenever the mood strikes me. She loves every minute of it. (Sure, I also fondly fondle and lovingly caress. But I get my gropes in, too!)

She used to have body image issues. (Never understood why, she's tall and fit and curvy.) My groping has caused her to look at her body in a different light. When I openly admire her body in a carnal fashion, it makes her feel sexy and feminine knowing she can elicit such a response from me by her mere presence alone.

Groping isn't the sole method I use when touching her body, it's but one of the many methods that lie on the spectrum. But it definitely has a place, time, and value.

Especially when she's wearing tights yoga pants and no bra. Which, on the weekends and evenings, is rather frequent...


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

musicftw07 said:


> I love my girlfriend more than any other woman I've ever been with. She is my light, my love, my counterpart, my sweet.
> 
> And I grope the hell out of her whenever the mood strikes me. She loves every minute of it. (Sure, I also fondly fondle and lovingly caress. But I get my gropes in, too!)
> 
> ...


Yep.

That is why God gave women so many handles.
And men strong feelings in the tips of their fingers.

The hands reinforce what a man's mind sees and envisions.


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## Leslie Smith (Jan 21, 2018)

Hi,
My partner gropes me in my sleep too. My partner has some kind of a sleeping disorder. In my case, he sleep walks, talks and does other things while asleep. He has difficulty understanding my emotions while he's in this state such as why I'm annoyed or my feelings are hurt. It's been very difficult to live with unfortunately as it can be more severe at times- episodes of him being in a zombie like state for up to 4 hours, and me not being able to sleep.
When I tell him about it in the morning, he just feels like I'm blaming him, and doesn't understand why it's so terrible for him to touch me.
He's talked to his doctor about the strange sleep state a few times and they've adjusted his anxiety medications.

Advice: If it gets worse than it is now, make sure to decide what you need and talk to him about it. I hope you don't have to experience what I've gone through.


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## mmmniple (Dec 16, 2012)

Hello.If both are happy with this they are no any problem,but anyway i recomend the people who has answer here than her couple or he has this kind of sexual activity being sleep you should be carefull because it could generate a problem.
It is a sleep disorden;The term of this is sexsomnia : people is able to have sex while sleeping and when he/she is asleep doesnt remember anything.
There has been problems as the person is no conscient about what he is doing and it is no the first time some has sex with OTHER person without be consciously.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

northpolestu said:


> I love to cuddle and I do that with my wife. I'm strange I guess where I love to have my hand either on her stomach or down her panties a bit, but often it doesn't lead to anything because she is such a sound sleeper. I've tried waking her by rubbing and she never remembers it the next morning.
> 
> Sent from my LG-H820 using Tapatalk


I actually go to sleep most nights with one hand on my W's a$$. I've told her it was always one of my goals to marry a hot woman and go to sleep every night with my hand on her rear if I want. She likes it. 😘.

But we don't mind touching in the night. Some nights there's groping...wink wink.

My comments would be to go with it some night, see how it goes.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Zombie thread but I will put my two cents on it again...I’m all for sleep groping. Yum.


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## BarbedFenceRider (Mar 30, 2018)

My wife had come home late from work and I was already asleep...She leans down and grabs Mr. happy and proceeds to do her thing...I swat her hand away (fully asleep mind you..) and tell her angrily that she is abusing me and to leave me alone. She even did it one time and recorded it on her phone. lol

Other times she would lean down to my ear and start talking dirty to me. She would see how long it would take to "raise the tent" so to speak! lol


As for her....Nope. She becomes a ninja and tries to kick me in the face. No bueno.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

jb02157 said:


> Wow, some women actually think that "sleep groping" is actually molesting and being violated. I think I've heard practically everything now! Are men actually permitted to touch their wives?? Who the **** knows??


EXACTLY

Holding someone accountable for what they do while basically unconscious is ridiculous.

I have always had nightmares and vivid dreams. During a few really hard periods of my life, I had dreams where I was fleeing and fighting and screaming, etc. Sadly, I have been known to kick or punch a bedmate from time to time. Thankfully for ME, they were more concerned about whether or not I was okay than "feeling violated." As if I did it on purpose - yeesh! I don't talk as intelligibly as I used to, and I hardly ever get "violent" anymore. Mostly because I am no longer constantly plagued with stress and sadness like I was during those times.

And yes, hubby gropes me at night. I don't think he's asleep. I just grope back lol


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## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

Love sleep groping. 👍


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## ButWeAreStrange (Feb 2, 2018)

My husband gropes me, sometimes I grope him, sometimes we wake each other up by having started initiating further while we were both asleep hahaha 

It's never bothered me, and always leaves me feeling loved and desired. Being woken up for sex or by sex is extremely fun and I'm usually much more physically receptive since I'm totally relaxed and not thinking about anything else. I find his touch, whether or not he's asleep/half-asleep/fully awake, to be very comforting and will also find myself curling up against him or hooking our feet together (which is hilarious as I'm 5'2 and he's 6'3) simply because his presence beside me in bed is the ultimate safe zone for me.


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## WestCoastBeachBoy (Jan 4, 2014)

Oh yes, I guess I do it often, I have no recollection. 
Wife absolutely hates it. 
She builds a little wall of pillows in the middle of the bed, says that does the trick.


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## BluesPower (Mar 27, 2018)

Faithful Wife said:


> Zombie thread but I will put my two cents on it again...I’m all for sleep groping. Yum.


I may be in love with you...LOL.

But with my GF, I am under orders from her that say... If you wake up I want you to make love to me. She actually wants to be groped and she actually wants to be woken up to us having intercourse. Which I believe is actually impossible, I mean at some point she wakes up. 

But I follow orders so I do this regularly. Not sure what the turn on is for her but it really does not matter, I am happy to oblige her. 

And we always hold each other as we go to sleep and she wants my hand on her breast, which again I am happy to oblige her in this as well.


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## BioFury (Jul 9, 2015)

Zombie thread, but I like it. Proceed!


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

ButWeAreStrange said:


> My husband gropes me, sometimes I grope him, sometimes we wake each other up by having started initiating further while we were both asleep hahaha
> 
> It's never bothered me, and always leaves me feeling loved and desired. Being woken up for sex or by sex is extremely fun and I'm usually much more physically receptive since I'm totally relaxed and not thinking about anything else. I find his touch, whether or not he's asleep/half-asleep/fully awake, to be very comforting and will also find myself curling up against him or hooking our feet together (which is hilarious as I'm 5'2 and he's 6'3) simply because his presence beside me in bed is the ultimate safe zone for me.


I can't like this enough. I feel the same way about my BF.

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk


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## x598 (Nov 14, 2012)

inmyprime said:


> Why? Could it not also be interpreted as the ultimate sign of his attraction for you? That his attraction is so strong that his body responds even while he is unconscious?
> 
> Funny topic.
> 
> ...


exactly my thought. interesting choice of word..."grope" as if to suggest some pervert who grabbed your a$$ in the line at the grocery store.

I would take it as a sign of affection and be flattered. but what do I know.


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## happy2gether (Dec 6, 2015)

my wife and I woke up around 3 this morning very heavy into a make out session which led to some amazing sex. the thing is we both say the other started us and woke us. she claim she rolled against me and I started kissing her and rubbing on her. I just remember waking to an erotic kiss. LOL


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## Aquamoon (Jun 9, 2018)

I was sleeping next to my partner, dreaming; I thought. I kept having these dreams he was reaching over and grabbing my breasts, vagina, or ass. This generally would have been fine. We had a very good sexual relationship, and sometimes it was nice to be half asleep still in a dream state to experience love making. Though, this was different. It was aggressive, and a violation of my most private parts.
During the daylight hours he was very traditional, respectful and non-initiating. In the night, it was starting to feel like an alter ego was attacking me. For many weeks I thought I was having dreams and would wake up with vague memories of a sexual nature. I mentioned this to him, and he just blew it off. I still wasn’t sure if this was really happening. One night I went to bed, and thought, “I must find out if this is real or if I’ve just been having really strange dreams.”
I lay on my back sleeping. Once again, I am awakened by a hand squeezing my vagina really hard. I forced myself to open my eyes. I sat up with his hand still there grabbing me, and said aloud, “I am awake, this is really happening.” The frequency of these occurrences started to be quite regular, maybe 2-4 times a week. I started to feel a bit uncomfortable with this and puzzled. I spoke with him about it and told him what was happening. He said, “I am asleep, can’t remember therefor it didn’t happen.” I don’t know if he really believed me. Looking back, this is the moment where something should have happened. This is the moment where my acceptance of being violated by the person I am supposed to be closest to should have stopped. I realized that he was not going to understand or care and took it as my responsibility. He even said, “you should enjoy it.” I had enjoyed these occasions before, but they were also not aggressive like what was occurring. I did my best to just ignore these middle of the night groapings. 
We had been together about five years at this point. I believe I was 24 or 25 years old when this started happening. I had been involved in a very loving, good monogamous relationship at this point. He had always had some social anxiety, so I did find that I would alter my plans and started to be with his friends more as it made him more comfortable. I thought I was being a good partner and was more adaptable, so I should adapt. I kept adapting. 
A year went by, two years… This kept happening over and over. I brought it up a few times over those years, that he was grabbing me in the middle of the night and it was uncomfortable. He had absolutely no memory of any of this. I can’t be angry with something he isn’t even aware of. He kept telling me he couldn’t remember therefor it didn’t happen. “This is your problem, you deal with it.” I started to believe that it was just my problem. It was only affecting me, and at this point I hadn’t quite realized how much it was because I’ve always been able to deal with problems, adapt, move through it. I was strong. 
We had moved to two new homes, had a growing daughter and still this kept happening. Sometimes it didn’t for a few weeks, and sometimes it was several times a week. He once shoved his finger up my ass with such precision it was hard to understand how he could be asleep, and not remember a thing. He latched onto my breast, very firmly almost hurting. He’s grab my cliterous firmly and start rubbing back and forth, in a way he’d never do in waking life. It was the same stuff over and over. I started getting really upset about it. I noticed that after he was drinking these sessions would occur more frequently, or if he hadn’t had a lot of sleep. 
Finally, one night he woke up mid grab. I held his hand where it was and said, “do you know now this is happening?” For me, this was finally the moment that he would realize I hadn’t been making all this up. I was telling the truth, and he finally has a memory of what he’s been doing in the middle of the night. I thought things might get better. He cried, apologized, then hid under pillows on the bed. He seemed to acknowledge these actions. I knew though that he’d continue to hide his head under the pillows and do nothing. It had already been a few years, of this being my problem. 
I made a very simple request, “If you come home and have been drinking, please don’t come to bed.” He never once, slept on the couch, or respected this request. I started to put the dog in between us on the bed so he couldn’t reach me. I would sleep on the couch sometimes just to get a better night sleep. He came out with his arms folded angry that I was on the couch and, “come to bed!” I had an emotional outburst about this and talked to him once again how much this was really starting to bother me, and this is a real issue and is not going to go away. 
I woke up one morning and realized that this had been going on for almost FIVE years. FIVE ****ing years. I’d never had any trouble sleeping, but now found myself waking up with every movement he made in bed. He’d reach over to touch me, maybe even just to cuddle and I’d swat him away. I’d wake up with my heart racing in fear. Fear of my own husband sleeping next to me. This eventually progressed to me going completely numb, and just freezing when he would reach over and not feel anything. This all bled over into the daylight hours. 
The day I realized that I was starting to have serious mental health symptoms we were sitting in the living room. He was sitting across the room from me looking at me. He was just looking. In my mind I wondered what was he thinking, was he going to try to hurt me tonight, is he plotting? My mind spun into this spiral of paranoid fearful thoughts about this man that would never harm me in daylight. I realized that in this moment I was having real symptoms, real reactions and was scared. 
We talked about this once again, and still after five years. This was my problem. I was the one having issues and symptoms. The night time gropings had been intermittent, just on occasion at this point. I convinced myself they were going to stop and if it just got into his head enough consciously it would spill over into his unconscious. I started hypnotherapy because I was having such a hard time sleeping and wanted to re-program my brain to feel safe with him again. We had a few sessions and she told me that I would only do what I agreed with and change in ways that I believed. I listened to these sessions over and over before I went to bed, including “You feel safe with your husband” repeated in my head over and over. I started to sleep well again, finally. 
Only in between all these five years of my side of the story I’m telling right now. There is also the story of how I cheated on him with several people, including our mutual close friend. The story that makes me an evil villain, causing him to, “want to drive into a wall one night and kill myself.” This is what he knows and feels, and this is what he sees in me. 
At the time I was exploring sexuality, myself, others, and convinced myself that we were just going to have an open relationship. Meanwhile, looking back I realize I was more comfortable having sex with strangers than my own husband. I felt disrespected, not listened to ignored, and abused. At some point I did not care about how I made him feel. He had already not cared about the most intimate part of me for several years, of which I expressed over and over again to just be told it was my problem and, “fix it.” I probably wanted to hurt him and violate him just as much as he did me. And, I did. Why should I care how he feels when he does not care about how I feel? 
The patterns in life, circle around over and over. I couldn’t help by recall my earliest trauma. My cousin that exposed me inappropriately when I was three and he was thirteen. He was babysitting me one night and pulled out his penis, masturbating and asked me to suck it like a hot dog. I do not recall the entirety of this night, but I do remember him looking at me from the side of the bed, and I remember telling my parents. They were supposed to do something. My mom believed me and seemed to have a lot of anger about it for years to come, but what mostly happened was not believing me, and nothing, it was my problem. 
My extended family told me I made it up, made jokes about it for years to come. I heard jokes about being felt up, making up stories etc until I was at least 10-11 years old. Even on my grandmother’s death bed she said, “I don’t know why you made that stuff up.” I would go over to their house to spend the night and would sleep under the coffee table for protection. I was forced to go to family parties and spend time with this person that violated me, while my words and fear were ignored. In my early twenties I wrote him a letter about this. I figured I was old enough to communicate my memories and put this chapter of my life to a close. To my surprise, he responded. We met for lunch and talked about our family, past and he apologized. This apology could have changed the entire path of my life if It had happened about 20 years prior, but better late than never. 
I don’t have a chance for an apology this time around, and this still haunts me to this day. I am the cheater, the terrible person and nothing is more wrong than cheating and having sex with someone other than your own husband. I’ve been told I deserved everything that has happened to me in times of anger. I wish so much he could just see and take responsibility for his side of actions, but that will never happen, and I have to find acceptance with that. I still don’t know how to do that. I could have run away from all of this if we hadn’t shared a child, but we do.


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## NickyT (Aug 14, 2017)

My husband used to do this to me when we were first married. It traumatized me. No kidding.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Aquamoon, you should be going for therapy as you are the victim of childhood sexual abuse. Probably linked to your cheating but not an excuse for your H to treat you so. He sounds like he has his own demons too. Get help, do it for your kid.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Except for any abuse.....never for W and I, sleep groping ie the best!


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## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

arbitrator said:


> *I was broken early in my first marriage from "sucking eggs" in getting overly close to my first W!
> 
> Now she never really cared all that much about snuggling during sleep hours in the first place!
> 
> ...


Ha Ha, My wife has sleeping ninja syndrome also. If she is in a really deep sleep and I bump her in the night she starts swinging. Years ago I had to jump on top of my (at the time) 3 year old to shield him. She's out like a light just pure reflex. Some times she even jumps out of bed.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

First, cheating trumps nighttime sleep groping by MILES...MILES.

Second, what someone does in their sleep is NOT assault. However, if they KNOW they do it after drinking and they still drink....they have an issue.

I suggest lots of therapy. You kind of glossed over your cheating. Yet you didn't like him glossing over something he wasn't even aware he was doing.

That being touched on one's sleep by one's spouse is seen as "traumatic" is puzzling to me. I can only assume someone who is that upset over it must not like sex at other times either.


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## redwingpentagon (Apr 10, 2019)

It just started with me. 2 o 3 nights i fell asleep and then sleep groped the wife have no memory of it at all it was super weird. I'm seeking professional help, pretty scary not knowing what your doing when asleep!! She has been supportive and i felt really strange for few days be interesting what the therapist thinks. She lost alot of weight and has been working out so my desire has been pretty high is this getting into my subconscious. we had sex 2 twice in one week before this happened.


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## Nirvanasky (Feb 3, 2020)

Maybe he is just sleep groping


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## cashcratebob (Jan 10, 2018)

I grope my wife all the time in my sleep. I'll wake up and she'll be like dang baby you were all over me. I'll have no memory of it. Doesn't even have to coincide with a dirty dream (in fact I don't think it ever has). It isn't rough at all by her description. She loves it. We get a laugh out of it. She gropes me as well. 

We also "find" each other quite frequently in the night. Usually the finding starts as half asleep/nearly entirely asleep but by the time we get really to it we've gone to half awake fully awake. 

If it bothered her...I'd really have to question why?


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## justlistening (Jan 23, 2020)

redwingpentagon said:


> It just started with me. 2 o 3 nights i fell asleep and then sleep groped the wife have no memory of it at all it was super weird. I'm seeking professional help, pretty scary not knowing what your doing when asleep!! She has been supportive and i felt really strange for few days be interesting what the therapist thinks. She lost alot of weight and has been working out so my desire has been pretty high is this getting into my subconscious. we had sex 2 twice in one week before this happened.


You don't need to seek help for this.


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

InMyPrime said:


> My wife was a sleep walker & talker; i once had an argument (must have been 15+ years ago) with her because i took something from her drawer (I think it was a floppy disk. So must have been long time ago). She was very worked up about it and gave me 50 million reasons why it was so wrong of me to take it out of her drawer in the middle of the night and i felt very guilty and ashamed of myself the whole night. Next morning she didn't remember any of it and i realised her eyes weren't actually open when she was shouting at me. She sleep-shamed me.
> I do sometimes grope her in my sleep. But she shouldn't take it as a compliment; I also groped my sister and one of my best (male) friend once I had to sleep in close proximity to them. My friend assured me I was a gentle "groper" the next morning.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


Timeless,


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

cashcratebob said:


> I grope my wife all the time in my sleep. I'll wake up and she'll be like dang baby you were all over me. I'll have no memory of it. Doesn't even have to coincide with a dirty dream (in fact I don't think it ever has). It isn't rough at all by her description. She loves it. We get a laugh out of it. She gropes me as well.
> 
> We also "find" each other quite frequently in the night. Usually the finding starts as half asleep/nearly entirely asleep but by the time we get really to it we've gone to half awake fully awake.
> 
> If it bothered her...I'd really have to question why?


I'm sure it would bother her if you were hurting her. Being asleep doesn't excuse inflicting pain on your partner and your partner does NOT have to tolerate it.


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## AandM (Jan 30, 2019)

redwingpentagon said:


> It just started with me. 2 o 3 nights i fell asleep and then sleep groped the wife have no memory of it at all it was super weird. I'm seeking professional help, pretty scary not knowing what your doing when asleep!! She has been supportive and i felt really strange for few days be interesting what the therapist thinks. She lost alot of weight and has been working out so my desire has been pretty high is this getting into my subconscious. we had sex 2 twice in one week before this happened.


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## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

Aquamoon said:


> I was sleeping next to my partner, dreaming; I thought. I kept having these dreams he was reaching over and grabbing my breasts, vagina, or ass. This generally would have been fine. We had a very good sexual relationship, and sometimes it was nice to be half asleep still in a dream state to experience love making. Though, this was different. It was aggressive, and a violation of my most private parts.
> During the daylight hours he was very traditional, respectful and non-initiating. In the night, it was starting to feel like an alter ego was attacking me. For many weeks I thought I was having dreams and would wake up with vague memories of a sexual nature. I mentioned this to him, and he just blew it off. I still wasn’t sure if this was really happening. One night I went to bed, and thought, “I must find out if this is real or if I’ve just been having really strange dreams.”
> I lay on my back sleeping. Once again, I am awakened by a hand squeezing my vagina really hard. I forced myself to open my eyes. I sat up with his hand still there grabbing me, and said aloud, “I am awake, this is really happening.” The frequency of these occurrences started to be quite regular, maybe 2-4 times a week. I started to feel a bit uncomfortable with this and puzzled. I spoke with him about it and told him what was happening. He said, “I am asleep, can’t remember therefor it didn’t happen.” I don’t know if he really believed me. Looking back, this is the moment where something should have happened. This is the moment where my acceptance of being violated by the person I am supposed to be closest to should have stopped. I realized that he was not going to understand or care and took it as my responsibility. He even said, “you should enjoy it.” I had enjoyed these occasions before, but they were also not aggressive like what was occurring. I did my best to just ignore these middle of the night groapings.
> We had been together about five years at this point. I believe I was 24 or 25 years old when this started happening. I had been involved in a very loving, good monogamous relationship at this point. He had always had some social anxiety, so I did find that I would alter my plans and started to be with his friends more as it made him more comfortable. I thought I was being a good partner and was more adaptable, so I should adapt. I kept adapting.
> ...


All this and no therapy, just an effort at hypnosis to try and convince you that you were "safe?" 

Your husband is in need of serious help. You know that you should have put your foot down on the stuff he acted out while sleeping long ago. What he was doing (is doing?) could turn into something very dangerous. It already feels that way. It discredits him greatly that he's always thought it was "your" problem. He has to own this to solve it.

And you, your childhood trauma, your convincing yourself you had an open marriage so sex elsewhere was OK. You need heavy duty IC, and the two of you, if there's something here to save, need MC. And a big heavy discussion on boundaries, which it appears both of you lack in spades. 

For a first post, this is epic nightmare stuff. Seek professional help. Quickly.


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## redwingpentagon (Apr 10, 2019)

AandM said:


>


That is hilarious!

Did not want to start a new thread.


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## cashcratebob (Jan 10, 2018)

Blondilocks said:


> I'm sure it would bother her if you were hurting her. Being asleep doesn't excuse inflicting pain on your partner and your partner does NOT have to tolerate it.


Ya, I made it clear it doesn't hurt my wife at all. I think there's a whole other discussion to possibly have regarding the incident where someone is distinctly different in their sleep groping behavior than when they are awake and groping. 

And yes, again if it bothered my WIFE i'd want to understand why. And then I'd just apologize...and likely keep doing it, at least for some time until her reason was embraced by my sub-conscious self I guess.


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## Hiner112 (Nov 17, 2019)

One time I was woken up by my then wife's leg being thrown over mine and her hand landing on my crotch. I started to reciprocate but wasn't getting (and didn't get) the reaction I was expecting (or hoping for).

Wife (pissed): WTF are you doing?

Me (worried): Um, you threw your leg over me and grabbed me so I thought you wanted to do something.

Wife: I was sleeping. Don't touch me.

Me: *sigh*


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## MaiChi (Jun 20, 2018)

Celes said:


> Has anyone else experienced this? Curious to see if anyone has.
> 
> My husband sometimes sleep gropes me. He will start grabbing my butt or fondling my boobs in the middle of the night, while totally asleep. Sometimes pretty roughly. And sometimes slip his hand down my panties.
> 
> ...


I have that all the time and we have always had sleep sex. For 14 years we have never had clothes in bed, so a lot happens. I have deep sleep for first four or so hours then I lighten up. 

I do not think being "molested" that way is an issue at all. I have done my fair share of molesting over the years, especially during the years when I could not get pregnant and got rather keen to try all the time. Less so now but still going on. thankfully.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Closing zombie thread.


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