# no sex!!



## undesirable (Oct 5, 2012)

I have been married for over 10 yrs. 2 kids. My sex life has been 1x every 3 or 6 months, it was okay, but now I feel that I need someone that makes me feel wanted. I have talked to my husband about it, and he gets upset everytime i brought it up. I feel OLD, UNDESIRABLE. I am in my late 30s, attractive, good shape (according to friends) and I do not want to spend the rest of my life living like this. I want sex not just for the pleasure, I want sex for the intimacy that it creates. I think that when you kiss, hug or have sex with your husband you translates all your feelings that you have for that person. I feel lonely and he knows that. I feel that he needs a wife not woman. The wife that cleans, cooks, help bringing money to pay bills, take care of the kids, help with his business.
What to do??? I don't want to wake up when I am 70 years old and ask myself why didn't you did anything about it. I am extremely frustrated. I go to sleep everynight in my own bed alone. What should do, I feel like cheating with someone that will make feel desirable, but I am to shy to meet anybody, and I don't think I will be able to go out with anybody else.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

So you rarely, if ever, have sex. You've tried to bring it up to your husband, and he just gets angry and won't discuss the issue.

Cheating? Nope. Don't go there. You have enough problems, why add more? If you want to have sex with another man, get out of the marriage you're in.

Do you think your husband is spending his time looking at porn and masturbating? Do you suspect him of seeing another woman, even if it's only an EA ("emotional affair")?

Have you thought about counseling for yourself, if he won't go with you?


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## tom101 (Oct 6, 2012)

Wish I could offer some good advice. I can not. All I can tell you is I am nearly 55 and stuck in what sounds like the same situation for years. If you can not get your husbands attention now, it probably will not get any better. Hope for your sake I am wrong.


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## KathyBatesel (Apr 26, 2012)

So he knows you feel lonely and he gets upset when you raise the issue. What is the source of his upset? 

It would help to understand if he gets upset because he feels he can't please you, or if he is worried you'll leave him, or if it's something else.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Why don't you have sex more often? And how old is he?

You could be on the middle of God's little joke... The woman's sexual peak right when the man's drive is declining. But how was your sex life the rest of your marriage?

C


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## SCondeck (Oct 5, 2012)

It was the opposite for me. Wife didn't want to have sex with me. I watched porn. She accused me of cheating on her because I was looking at other women. I took herbal supplements to reduce my sex drive. She flushed them down the toilet and said I was taking the lazy way out. I told her I need intimacy from her. 

Now we're getting a divorce.


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

I await in keen anticipation in how the women here will help you improve your Married Woman’s Sex Life.


My take on it is if your H doesn’t consider a healthy sex life as part of his loving care and attention to the woman in his life and/or he just doesn’t enjoy sex then give up on the guy and find a man who does.


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## undesirable (Oct 5, 2012)

We both are in our late 40's. Our sex life has been the same all the time, we have been sleeping in separate bedrooms for the last 5 years, first it was okay & comfortable, but now I feel alone like roomates. I dream of every guy I see, I know it is not ok, but what should I do, spend my life living like this?. I caughted him watching porn, he denied. I know he masturbates I do now how often, but he prefers that than to be with me. I need to move out and find another life alone but without seeing that I am not atractive enough for a man to have sex with me.


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## Why Not Be Happy? (Apr 16, 2010)

In post 1 you were in your late 30's and now you are in your late 
40's..?...


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

Why Not Be Happy? said:


> In post 1 you were in your late 30's and now you are in your late
> 40's..?...


Nice catch

Time for the TROLL stamp?


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## Malaise (Aug 8, 2012)

Why Not Be Happy? said:


> In post 1 you were in your late 30's and now you are in your late
> 40's..?...


No sex ages a person prematurely


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

Assuming the age difference was just a typo...

I noticed the reason OP stated she didn't want to cheat was NOT because she loved her husband or thought is was wrong, but because "I am to shy to meet anybody". Hmmm...

Sounds like a lot more going on here than just no sex. No sex is the result, not the problem.


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## undesirable (Oct 5, 2012)

I am sorry I meant late 30's. I have not cheat because I know it is not right. Do I love my husband? not anymore, after all this years of no intimancy and no sexual relationship. I grew apart and resentful. I feel that I just want to move on, with my kids to a new life without a man just us. He can do whatever he wants. I know that his life is going to be hard, because he depends on me for everything, he does not do anything except for going to work. I pay bills I run his business, pay insurances, take care of the house, kids and I work make more money than he does. I do not need him for anything. I still care a lot for this man, but what about me, should I stay and forget that I am women, not just a wife and a mother?


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## pleasebehonest (Oct 11, 2012)

I am in the same boat. I have tried talking to my husband, and he just says "he is getting older now." (he is 47, I am 43) We have sex maybe once every two months, and I practically have to beg for it. I will follow your post and see what solutions come your way. Hang in there!!


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

I wonder what would happen if you just told your husband the truth? 

"I don't love you anymore, not after all these years of no intimacy and no sexual relationship."

I'd do it. Be honest and let him know how you feel. At this point, what would you be losing?


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## cloudwithleggs (Oct 13, 2011)

pleasebehonest said:


> I am in the same boat. I have tried talking to my husband, and he just says "he is getting older now." (he is 47, I am 43) We have sex maybe once every two months, and I practically have to beg for it. I will follow your post and see what solutions come your way. Hang in there!!


I have been in that position the only difference was i was in my very early twenties, he was several years older and he never had a sex drive, i did leave him eventually to someone much worse and had even less sex.

Why put up with it, it is inhumane and you should be allowed to look else where and close shop to him, give yourself permission, i know not everyone wants to go through divorce if the rest of the relationship is ok, i know i'll get slated for this, but you literally need to take the bull by the horns go find a man to **** you senseless, don't forget safe sex, there are people that are discreet as well other married people in sexless marriages.

Is this cheating some will say it is, i say he is already cheating you sexually, so go get you some, no woman should have to beg, only to a master but that is different.


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## lovestoomuch (Oct 11, 2011)

I am shocked over how many men are like this. My husband is the same and I just don't understand it. Other people tell me all the time how beautiful I am and he makes me feel so ugly. I feel ashamed of myself for even wanting sex or affection from him even though I know I am the normal one. From all I have read on the net it doesn't seem like things change much for anyone sadly. Divorce is no option for me and I am sorry to see so many other woman having this horrid experience.


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