# Being Your Wife’s Best Friend



## CraigBesuden (Jun 20, 2019)

The “best lover” discussion got me thinking:

Do you think it’s important to feel that you are your wife’s best friend? Is it okay to be just one of her best friends?


----------



## Rooster2015 (Jun 12, 2015)

Yes wife’s best friend.


----------



## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

*Re: Being Your Wife’s Best Friend*

I think best friend comes with some huge pitfalls, because it limits her ability to bounce problems off with someone else... someone who might help keep her grounded if the problem is with you. I've had this happen myself. My wife has few close friends and really doesn't do anything to cultivate outside friendships. I've had to almost force her onto FB, where her friends from the past reside. They're very interested in what's going on with her, but she thinks personal stuff is her own business, not others. Which puts a ton of pressure on me. I'm her rock, but I'm also the bad guy at times.

*Added after someone else pointed out the obvious:* In general, that best friend should be same-sex. I don't mind her having really good friends who are male, and truthfully, I'd have not much fear of a male best friend. But same sex would be better and give something more easily related to for many things. Conversations about sex, for example.


----------



## Inside_Looking_Out (Apr 8, 2012)

I think there can be pitfalls to trying to be your spouse's only best friend. I think that there needs to be at least another source of friendship and viewpoint to be able to maintain a healthy balance. 

But, for me, that is based on personal, biased experiences. I say this from being on the reverse side of things. My husband and I have been married for almost 25 years now. He has almost no friends. He has work acquaintances, who he spends three weeks at a time living with (offshore job), and then three weeks home with me. 

Once home, he is almost entirely dependent on me for social interaction. So, if I am busy or working or have plans that don't involve him, he would become distressed and lonely. In spite of both of us very much wanting to spend a lot of time together, sometimes life gets in the way. It was an incredible amount of pressure, to fulfill all of his social needs. It gave him a very narrow look at the world, where everything was about me, influenced by me, about my hobbies, etc. It gave him no way to develop on his own. 

We are now trying to fix our marriage after discovering an affair he had. It turned out, in our case at least, one person can not always be everything for someone.


----------



## Baldy (Jul 18, 2019)

I think my wife should have a same sex best friend. I guess I’m old school in thinking best friends of the opposite sex can lead to disaster. I do believe each spouse should have a best friend they can vent too. The tough part is to where to draw the line as far as subject matter goes. Some things should remain between the spouses. Our rule with each other is that if we wish to tell our friend about certain topics we let each other know before hand. Notice this is not asking approval, just a heads up. We each have caused some embarrassing moments when asked about a topic from a friend that we thought was still just between us.


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

We are the very best of friends and so much more.


----------



## wilson (Nov 5, 2012)

I think of it as having a "best friend" kind of relationship with her rather that you are truly her #1 best friend over all others. She can have best friends that aren't you, but your relationship with her should at least be at that same level of emotional intimacy.


----------



## TheDudeLebowski (Oct 10, 2017)

*Re: Being Your Wife’s Best Friend*

I've never had a best friend, so by default she's my best friend. I have co-worker friends. I have maybe 1 or 2 friends I see a couple times a year, but I don't work with them anymore so its becoming a thing where I see them less and less. Haven't seen any of them all year. I guess I don't really have any friends when I think about it. I sort of just move in and out of people's lives I guess. The only constant is my wife.


----------



## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

I don't know that "best" friend is well defined but I hope that I am someone she feels she can share anything with.


----------



## BarbedFenceRider (Mar 30, 2018)

I really don't know if there is a HARD standard we try to achive but yes, my wife is my best friend. I confide more with her than even some in my own family. My wife does have a close sister that she "bounces" stuff off of that she can't with me...Namely, the girlie bits. But most of the time, I feel that she shares most of that stuff with me anyway...

I also think that it hurts even more when those that are our "best friends", betray and hurt us. It all hurts of course, but I just feel different about it...


----------



## BluesPower (Mar 27, 2018)

*Re: Being Your Wife’s Best Friend*

We had this conversation the other day... 

It was not smooth. She talked about how we were such good friends... And to an extent I scoffed. 

While we are good friends, no doubt, really good friends, but I told her that I don't need my future wife as my best friend. I want way way more than that...

I am way more interested with a deep love, deep romantic love, deep romantic sexual love... I have lots of friends. 

I never want to be seen by a woman that I am with as a friend, I just don't. I want her to think lover first, protector, a person that she can feel safe talking about her worst fears, that in some ways you really would not want to talk to your BFF about. 

At the same time, we make each other laugh all the time, constantly. 

Whatever it is, I am happy...


----------



## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

*Re: Being Your Wife’s Best Friend*



ConanHub said:


> We are the very best of friends and so much more.


This sums it up for us.

She has a couple best girlfriends, that she talks to about me, when needed I'm sure. And much more of course, and she's well rounded in friends.

We don't do opposite sex friends, although I stay in contact with couple from HS erratically when a class trip or reunion being planned.


----------



## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

*Re: Being Your Wife’s Best Friend*



CraigBesuden said:


> The “best lover” discussion got me thinking:
> 
> Do you think it’s important to feel that you are your wife’s best friend? Is it okay to be just one of her best friends?


Marriage is about long term commitment and shared goals. Every marriage will have ups and downs. Every marriage will have one partner growing emotionally faster than the other. 

I honestly don't think spouses can always be best friends. Sometimes being a best friend is good, very good. But always? Nope. I want my wife to have a same sex best friend who she can talk to when my W and I have problems. 

About 9 years ago, my wife and I were in a sex starved marriage by my wife's choice. She was mad at me and taking it out on our relationship. With the help of a great marriage counselor/ sex therapist and to a certain extent talking to an old dear friend of hers who had divorced her husband a decade previously, my wife decided we should try to work things out. The ST/marriage counselor helped rebuild our marriage, but my wife finding out first hand what divorce really meant from a friend also helped.


----------



## dadstartingover (Oct 23, 2015)

*Re: Being Your Wife’s Best Friend*



Young at Heart said:


> With the help of a great marriage counselor/ sex therapist and to a certain extent talking to an old dear friend of hers who had divorced her husband a decade previously, my wife decided we should try to work things out. The ST/marriage counselor helped rebuild our marriage, but my wife finding out first hand what divorce really meant from a friend also helped.


The friend's life had an enormous impact on your wife's decision. Soooo many guys I work with had a wife that was seemingly happy, but she connected and became closer to a divorced friend (or a friend that was in an affair... or never married and was living the single gal life) and then her attitude and behavior slowly degraded. 

The politically incorrect conclusion is that women are very social creatures. Men are always surprised at just how much their wife's opinions are shaped by their peer group. If her peer group loves you, you are a golden god of husbands. If somebody in her group comments on just how hard of a worker you are, that is way more valuable than watching you come through the door sweaty and exhausted every day after work. 

On the flip side, If Sally, the gal who sleeps around with dozens of men, drinks cocktails every night, and has a great apartment starts questioning why on Earth a woman like your wife would settle down and live such a boring life... she will start wondering the same.


----------



## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

*Re: Being Your Wife’s Best Friend*



CraigBesuden said:


> The “best lover” discussion got me thinking:
> 
> Do you think it’s important to feel that you are your wife’s best friend? Is it okay to be just one of her best friends?


Yes, best friend. My W is my best friend. She is mine. Has state so many times.


----------



## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

*Re: Being Your Wife’s Best Friend*



dadstartingover said:


> The politically incorrect conclusion is that women are very social creatures. Men are always surprised at just how much their wife's opinions are shaped by their peer group. If her peer group loves you, you are a golden god of husbands. If somebody in her group comments on just how hard of a worker you are, that is way more valuable than watching you come through the door sweaty and exhausted every day after work.


I agree here on this conclusion. You are the company you keep.


----------



## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

*Re: Being Your Wife’s Best Friend*



Young at Heart said:


> I honestly don't think spouses can always be best friends. Sometimes being a best friend is good, very good. But always? Nope. I want my wife to have a same sex best friend who she can talk to when my W and I have problems.


That is were balance comes in. Yes, I'm my W best friend. However, she has 4 other women who she confides in when needed. She has women time with them. Dinners, etc. She has female family she confides in when needed. Understand that best friends don't always get to hear everything. These are the things my W will speak with her female friends when a situation arises that I may not be the best choice to seek advise.


----------



## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

*Re: Being Your Wife’s Best Friend*

The idea of being your wife's best friend.... something does not feel right with that to me. 

To me my wife simply feels to me like family and the idea of a friend feels like someone that is not family. 

My wife says I am not her best friend because I am a horrible listener. But we have those moments where I come home from the grocery store and at the last minute I get an idea to grab something. When I get home she sighs and tells me she forget to ask me for something. It happens to be that exact thing I grabbed at the last minute. Can't tell you how many times but we often have those moments together as if our minds are just in sync in a way that only family can ever know one another. 

Regards, 
Badsanta


----------



## StevenH (Aug 1, 2019)

I love being my wife's best friend, and I've told her many times that she is my best friend too. We both came out of former 24 and 27 year dead end marriages where we seemed to have married our "opposites attract" spouses in our early 20's. That concept works in the early formative adult years; but, we have learned now in our late 40's that "equals survive". We are always on the same page when it comes to outdoor activities, restaurant choices, sexual desires/frequency/variety, and even finishing each others thoughts or sentences - often saying the same thing at the same time. The fact that we have an intimate side to our friendship is even better. We make love more intently and connect in our souls, minds, and bodies. I'm proud to call my wife my 'best friend'.


----------



## Visexual (Nov 8, 2008)

This reminds me of something that happened a couple of years ago. 

My wife and I were introduced by another couple. 

The guy was in my military outfit and a casual friend. We even lived in the same little trailer park a ways from base.

His girlfriend was one of my, now, wife's better friends.

I thought his girlfriend was cute and that's why I would hang with them a lot at the NCO club. He didn't like to dance, she did and did. Hey, cheap thrills on the dance floor.

Well, she set up a blind date for me and my, now, wife and that was 47 years ago.

We, recently, visited that couple, who are also still married, and the gal turned out to be a total ***** to her husband.

About a week or so, after that visit, my wife and I were on our morning walk and were talking about the couple we'd visited and how the wife had turned so *****y.

My wife said, "now aren't you glad you didn't marry her, instead of me"?

I, honestly, answered, "I didn't ever want to marry her, I just wanted in her little panties".

My wife and I have always been pretty open and honest with each other and I thought she find that a bit funny. But, NO, she scowled and said, "I'm your wife, not your buddy"!

Then I was thinking that she was just a tad like the other wife.


----------



## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

I'm my wife's best friend.

I'm not her best girl friend. As in, I don't take the place of any of her girl time. 

I think there's a difference.


----------



## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

*Re: Being Your Wife’s Best Friend*



Visexual said:


> This reminds me of something that happened a couple of years ago.
> 
> My wife and I were introduced by another couple.
> 
> ...


Your wife gave you valuable insight. Remember it if you don't want your love life to go in the toilet.


----------



## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

Another?
But to answer the question. Mrs Nail and I are friends. Used to be more. And a friend with an addiction is not all that much fun.


----------



## vincent3 (May 31, 2018)

*Re: Being Your Wife’s Best Friend*



badsanta said:


> To me my wife simply feels to me like family and the idea of a friend feels like someone that is not family.


Exactly. It's healthy for both spouses to have a friend for guy-time or girl-time, where they can express parts of their personality that can't be as fully expressed in the marriage.


----------



## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

I personally think it's different. Yes you are friends but you really should see yourself as family. I also don't think I can be everything to my wife, I would hope that she has a healthy emotional support group and it's not all me. An that doesn't mean emotional crisis support group, it can me someone whom she can talk to about interests that I am not so interested in. I personally like to think of my wife as my teammate or partner.


----------



## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

*Re: Being Your Wife’s Best Friend*



CraigBesuden said:


> The “best lover” discussion got me thinking:
> 
> Do you think it’s important to feel that you are your wife’s best friend? Is it okay to be just one of her best friends?


I hope you don't mind me chiming in. I like the question and have been curious to read the answers. 

In recent years my answer has changed. I relate the most with the sentiment that my husband does not replace my girlfriends. It's a different dynamic. Do I feel he has my back and best intentions in mind? Yes.

He has a fairly low tolerance to the level of detail I might share about something on my mind, and he tells me that straight, whereas my mother or a friend would not only dive into those details... they would demonstrate interest to know more! It's a different kind of support I receive from him. And yet when I was back late at the office by myself and didn't respond to his texts or phone calls, despite knowing I was staying back, he got worried and drove to the office to check I was okay. I apologized for worrying him; my phone was on silent, I thought he was elsewhere, and was just doing what I needed to do. Initially he was slightly annoyed but calmed when he knew I was fine. This kind of thing happens once in a blue moon. I feel like a stereotype to admit this, but his concern and protectiveness made me all... tingly... I can't help it! That's the actions of my _man_, not my bestie.


----------



## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

*Re: Being Your Wife’s Best Friend*

As much as it sounds interesting and romantic, thinking with a cold mind, I would want my H / long term partner to be a great friend of mine, but maybe *not the "best"* friend, in the sense of doing everything with him and him being everything for me. 

It wouldn't be healthy from a psychological standpoint. I opt for balance - all of us need a friend to confide in, a friend to share hobbies with, friends to go out with, someone to have sex with (that'd be a partner) ...etc.

Therefore, leaning for everything and every time on one person (H/partner in this case) would be a burden to him and a lack of stable pillars in my life. As much as I'd want my partner/H to do things with me and share common interests with on daily basis, I'd definitely miss a close girlfriend(or girls to hang out with) because ...there are things you can't talk with/about with your H/partner or don't even have the desire to. 

Sometimes, it scares me the idea of getting married and having the H as the only person whom I'd be able to see on a daily basis because priorities would change and I wouldn't be able to see my friends (or other people) as much as I'd want to. 
My married friends don't have time to go out anymore (which is normal to some point) but then again ...I've always been a fan of "balance". _Giving to every person in your life the importance/time they deserve, is crucial to your happiness._ You can't lean on just one friend for everything, just as you can't lean only on your partner for everything.

So, *a great * friend..., yes.It'd be important for me to share common hobbies/interests/have all types of conversations/do things outside the house/bedroom with my H/partner. Definitely!!!! 
Him being *THE best *friend? Erm...., that'd be too much. It would be suffocating to both of us, I guess.


----------



## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

*Re: Being Your Wife’s Best Friend*



heartsbeating said:


> It's a different kind of support I receive from him. And yet when I was back late at the office by myself and didn't respond to his texts or phone calls, despite knowing I was staying back, he got worried and drove to the office to check I was okay.


Awww!!!! So romantic!!! :biggrinangelA:
I mean (sure it's protective and shows he deeply cared) but I find it more than that. ..(even if he was angry at the time). 
Not every husband would do this!!!


----------

