# Wife forgets my birthday, never buys gifts and continues to hurt me in so many ways.



## Coachb (Dec 13, 2021)

So I’m laying here in bed alone, been alone at home with the kids all day on my wife’s and my 10 year anniversary. This is not the first time my wife has hurt me deeply.

she has misplaced (lost) two diamond wedding rings I’ve gotten her, one of my love languages is gift giving, I’m very good at giving gifts and give gifts many times because I want to but last Father’s Day she got a candy bar, that’s it a candy bar, it was the first gift she got for me in 3 father’s days. She has forgotten to get me gifts on 3 birthdays, 4 anniversaries, 3 Christmas’s and 4 father’s days. It hurts. She will take a day off from work to go to one of our kids school plays but she won’t stay with me on our anniversary instead insisting she must go to a party with coworkers. If she does get a gift it is always, I mean always a clearance item.


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## Tested_by_stress (Apr 1, 2021)

She sounds like a real catch......Maybe one you should release?


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## Trident (May 23, 2018)

Stop buying her gifts.

I know, you're wondering why this never occurred to you.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

What is it you want us to say?

You have said it all in spades, and in sorrow.

I can only offer you my "sorry" for your sad situation....

Give her the present she seems to want.

No goodbye, just divorce papers waiting for her when she arrives home.

Cool papers, laid neatly, awaiting her signature.



_Lilith-_


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

At some point loyalty and kindness must be returned.

I suspect she does give some of this back.

Alas, none, not any to you.



_KB-_


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

I understand that you love your wife. It is obvious that she doesn’t love you.

So why have you put up with this?

Was she this way before the two of you got married?


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Well, no more gifts for her. 🤷🏻‍♂️


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

You say that you get her gifts often. How does she respond when she gets a gift? Does she talk to you about what she wants ahead of days like birthdays, Christmas, etc?


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Coachb said:


> So I’m laying here in bed alone, been alone at home with the kids all day on my wife’s and my 10 year anniversary. This is not the first time my wife has hurt me deeply.
> 
> she has misplaced (lost) two diamond wedding rings I’ve gotten her, one of my love languages is gift giving, I’m very good at giving gifts and give gifts many times because I want to but last Father’s Day she got a candy bar, that’s it a candy bar, it was the first gift she got for me in 3 father’s days. She has forgotten to get me gifts on 3 birthdays, 4 anniversaries, 3 Christmas’s and 4 father’s days. It hurts. She will take a day off from work to go to one of our kids school plays but she won’t stay with me on our anniversary instead insisting she must go to a party with coworkers. If she does get a gift it is always, I mean always a clearance item.


Are you a stay at home Dad?


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## Tested_by_stress (Apr 1, 2021)

Forgetting your spouse at Christmas 3 times? She didn't forget. She just didn't care.


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## AandM (Jan 30, 2019)

Dude, your wife is a ****ing twatwaffle.

Act accordingly.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

Your next present to her may have to be divorce papers. What an inconsiderate person to have a relationship with.


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## LATERILUS79 (Apr 1, 2021)

She would rather go to a party with co-workers than be with you on your anniversary?

That's not good.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Coachb said:


> So I’m laying here in bed alone, been alone at home with the kids all day on my wife’s and my 10 year anniversary. This is not the first time my wife has hurt me deeply.
> 
> she has misplaced (lost) two diamond wedding rings I’ve gotten her, one of my love languages is gift giving, I’m very good at giving gifts and give gifts many times because I want to but last Father’s Day she got a candy bar, that’s it a candy bar, it was the first gift she got for me in 3 father’s days. She has forgotten to get me gifts on 3 birthdays, 4 anniversaries, 3 Christmas’s and 4 father’s days. It hurts. She will take a day off from work to go to one of our kids school plays but she won’t stay with me on our anniversary instead insisting she must go to a party with coworkers. If she does get a gift it is always, I mean always a clearance item.


OK so now you know this is how she is what are you going to do about it? You are not going to change her so the rest of this story is now in your hands. So?


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## itskaren (Dec 28, 2011)

Coachb said:


> So I’m laying here in bed alone, been alone at home with the kids all day on my wife’s and my 10 year anniversary. This is not the first time my wife has hurt me deeply.
> 
> she has misplaced (lost) two diamond wedding rings I’ve gotten her, one of my love languages is gift giving, I’m very good at giving gifts and give gifts many times because I want to but last Father’s Day she got a candy bar, that’s it a candy bar, it was the first gift she got for me in 3 father’s days. She has forgotten to get me gifts on 3 birthdays, 4 anniversaries, 3 Christmas’s and 4 father’s days. It hurts. She will take a day off from work to go to one of our kids school plays but she won’t stay with me on our anniversary instead insisting she must go to a party with coworkers. If she does get a gift it is always, I mean always a clearance item.


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## itskaren (Dec 28, 2011)

I feel your pain! This is exactly what happened to me for years. We are now divorced. Sad as it is, it’s better being on your own and feeling lonely than being married and being alone. Good luck x


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Coachb said:


> So I’m laying here in bed alone, been alone at home with the kids all day on my wife’s and my 10 year anniversary. This is not the first time my wife has hurt me deeply.
> 
> she has misplaced (lost) two diamond wedding rings I’ve gotten her, one of my love languages is gift giving, I’m very good at giving gifts and give gifts many times because I want to but last Father’s Day she got a candy bar, that’s it a candy bar, it was the first gift she got for me in 3 father’s days. She has forgotten to get me gifts on 3 birthdays, 4 anniversaries, 3 Christmas’s and 4 father’s days. It hurts. She will take a day off from work to go to one of our kids school plays but she won’t stay with me on our anniversary instead insisting she must go to a party with coworkers. If she does get a gift it is always, I mean always a clearance item.


No more needs to be said. All your monies should be set aside for your war chest in divorcing and keeping your kids.

It's way over the top that a coworkers party would take priority over finding a way to celebrate the anniversary. But that's just one huge red flag among the sea of red flags.

She may just be biding he time to surprise YOU with divorce papers. That's how bad these circumstances are.


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

Coachb said:


> So I’m laying here in bed alone, been alone at home with the kids all day on my wife’s and my 10 year anniversary. This is not the first time my wife has hurt me deeply.
> 
> she has misplaced (lost) two diamond wedding rings I’ve gotten her, one of my love languages is gift giving, I’m very good at giving gifts and give gifts many times because I want to but last Father’s Day she got a candy bar, that’s it a candy bar, it was the first gift she got for me in 3 father’s days. She has forgotten to get me gifts on 3 birthdays, 4 anniversaries, 3 Christmas’s and 4 father’s days. It hurts. She will take a day off from work to go to one of our kids school plays but she won’t stay with me on our anniversary instead insisting she must go to a party with coworkers. If she does get a gift it is always, I mean always a clearance item.


This is unusual that spouses are not invited to such Christmas party. Were you invited? Or is this a party at work?

Have you discussed with her your need to receive gifts?


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

Coachb said:


> So I’m laying here in bed alone, been alone at home with the kids all day on my wife’s and my 10 year anniversary. This is not the first time my wife has hurt me deeply.
> 
> she has misplaced (lost) two diamond wedding rings I’ve gotten her, one of my love languages is gift giving, I’m very good at giving gifts and give gifts many times because I want to but last Father’s Day she got a candy bar, that’s it a candy bar, it was the first gift she got for me in 3 father’s days. She has forgotten to get me gifts on 3 birthdays, 4 anniversaries, 3 Christmas’s and 4 father’s days. It hurts. She will take a day off from work to go to one of our kids school plays but she won’t stay with me on our anniversary instead insisting she must go to a party with coworkers. If she does get a gift it is always, I mean always a clearance item.


Sounds like you are a spineless doormat of a man. She is seriously at a party with coworkers on your 10th anniversary? If you aren't packing her **** right now you are a fool


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Anastasia6 said:


> This is unusual that spouses are not invited to such Christmas party. Were you invited? Or is this a party at work?
> 
> Have you discussed with her your need to receive gifts?


I'm sure spouses were invited. It would be way out of the norm for it to not be so.

Accept it, she didn't want you with her.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

Trident said:


> Stop buying her gifts.
> 
> I know, you're wondering why this never occurred to you.


back before the earth cooled, when i first got married, i would buy my wife jewelry. relatively expensive stuff, as i was not making much back then. gold ankle bracelets, rings, necklaces. 

i realized two things:
1) she quickly LOST some of it. did not matter how expensive, it was just gone when i asked about it.
2) she almost NEVER wore the stuff i bought her when we went out.

being a little thick, it took a few years to sink in, but i realized she was just not a person to buy expensive jewelry for. after that, i never spent more than $200 on an outlet store watch, or something like that, as a present. Cheap costume jewelry only.

I was MUCH HAPPIER that i was not being played for a chump, and she really did not seem to mind it.

i DEF would not have sprung a lot for a 2nd diamond wedding ring after she had lost the first. Maybe would have gotten her cubic zirconia and TOLD HER it was diamond.


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## drencrom (Jul 1, 2021)

Misplaced 2 diamond wedding rings? I'm wondering if she isn't hocking them and stashing money. Do you suspect she may be cheating? Does she go out with friends alot only to return at the wee hours of the morning?
Weekend trips?


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

Tested_by_stress said:


> Forgetting your spouse at Christmas 3 times? She didn't forget. She just didn't care.


it is IMPOSSIBLE, literally impossible to forget that Christmas is coming. Every media outlet, every store, is BLARING the BUY BUY BUY stuff.

so correct your thinking. she did not forget anything. 
She deliberately did not buy a christmas present.
Maybe she is so self centered she expects to be put on a pedestal and worshipped?
Maybe she is a psychopath and really did not see that Xmas is coming, or that you are supposed to give gifts at Xmas?
Maybe she is brain damaged, and has a 10 minute memory span?
Or, maybe she just does not care.


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## Tdbo (Sep 8, 2019)

You have some homework to do.
Make sure your kids are taken of.
Study up on and fully implement the 180.
Let the 180 fester for about a week.
Use the time to get your s**t sorted and gain some mental clarity.
Take the steps necessary to protect yourself, such as vet attorneys, separate funds, etc.
Does she notice the pull back?
If she does, decide if there is anything to work with.
If there is (and you want to) find your balls and take charge,
Outline your demands and give her an array of options, either she is in or out.
If she wants out, make her wish your mission.
You are ten years behind in taking charge of your relationship. It may be too late.
However, you have given her full reign to treat you like s**t. Time to right the ship.


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> I'm sure spouses were invited. It would be way out of the norm for it to not be so.
> 
> Accept it, she didn't want you with her.


Depends. He said take off work. So if it was a work thing at work during work hours then usually spouses are not invited. If it is after work spouses are invited usually. Also OP didn't specify if he was invited and declined or told not to come.

Personally I'd opt out of the work party but some work places you really lose some advantage and such if you opt out.

So back to the OP. Were you invited? Was it during the work day or after work?


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Anastasia6 said:


> Depends. He said take off work. So if it was a work thing at work during work hours then usually spouses are not invited. If it is after work spouses are invited usually. Also OP didn't specify if he was invited and declined or told not to come.
> 
> Personally I'd opt out of the work party but some work places you really lose some advantage and such if you opt out.
> 
> So back to the OP. Were you invited? Was it during the work day or after work?


Bear in mind, any company that hosts a Christmas party or holiday party WITHOUT including significant others let's use spouse here is very much in the minority.

Compounded by the fact it's always a norm to include the spouse in a holiday party for the employees.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

aine said:


> Are you a stay at home Dad?


Ah this, this go-to, common denominator..

A common reason women lose respect and fall out of love with their husband.

Either, being that stay-at-home Dad, or, one who is chronically unemployed, underemployed (for whatever reason).


_KB-_


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

BigDaddyNY said:


> Sounds like *you are a spineless doormat of a man*. She is seriously at a party with coworkers on your 10th anniversary? If you aren't packing her **** right now you are a fool


This is the vaunted 2x4 seen swinging for the head.

Do not take it personally, but, it should hurt.

If not, then you are in that self placed mental prison.

She is your wife, not your Master.

Unhitch yourself from her star.

No, it is not a dormant star, that star of hers burned out years ago.

Most times it is burning for someone else. Check this out.



_Nemesis-_


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## D0nnivain (Mar 13, 2021)

Some people aren't gift givers. You have to spell things out for them. Tell her 2 weeks before a gift event that the day is approaching. Give her a list of things that you might want to receive. To add some mystery for you . . .give a list of 5-10 things & let her pick one gift to give. You can make it super easy & give her the links to on line shopping if you have to. 

While it would be nice if she spent the actual day with you sometimes that can't be helped. If she can manage to still celebrate with you on another day you need to be OK with that rather than being chained to a calendar.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> Bear in mind, any company that hosts a Christmas party or holiday party WITHOUT including significant others let's use spouse here is very much in the minority.
> 
> Compounded by the fact it's always a norm to include the spouse in a holiday party for the employees.


Yep, this inspires those spouses to be supportive of the company.



_LMcG-_


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Coachb said:


> So I’m laying here in bed alone, been alone at home with the kids all day on my wife’s and my 10 year anniversary. This is not the first time my wife has hurt me deeply.
> 
> she has misplaced (lost) two diamond wedding rings I’ve gotten her, one of my love languages is gift giving, I’m very good at giving gifts and give gifts many times because I want to but last Father’s Day she got a candy bar, that’s it a candy bar, it was the first gift she got for me in 3 father’s days. She has forgotten to get me gifts on 3 birthdays, 4 anniversaries, 3 Christmas’s and 4 father’s days. It hurts. She will take a day off from work to go to one of our kids school plays but she won’t stay with me on our anniversary instead insisting she must go to a party with coworkers. If she does get a gift it is always, I mean always a clearance item.


@Coachb, please respond to our posts.

Go to the bottom of the page and type your response in the new (write your reply) box seen there, then click on the 'post reply'.


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## 346745 (Oct 7, 2020)

Dude,face the facts. She has checked out of this marriage. Next gift you give her are divorce papers.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

We take for granted that each new poster is familiar with how these interactive blogs work.

Yes, some are one-post wonders, some, one-post, broken people


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

D0nnivain said:


> Some people aren't gift givers. You have to spell things out for them. Tell her 2 weeks before a gift event that the day is approaching. Give her a list of things that you might want to receive. To add some mystery for you . . .give a list of 5-10 things & let her pick one gift to give. You can make it super easy & give her the links to on line shopping if you have to.
> 
> While it would be nice if she spent the actual day with you sometimes that can't be helped. If she can manage to still celebrate with you on another day you need to be OK with that rather than being chained to a calendar.


She's had her window of time to just be doing this accidentally. Her grace period has looooong expired.

Face it, she's doing this purposefully displaying her lack of respect and lack of concern for your interests. Sad but true.


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

The lack of gift giving is indicative of her lack of concern or care for you. That she’s at a company Christmas party without you on your anniversary is much more concerning. To me that’s screams that she’s there with someone else. 

I hate to sound like a broken record on so many of these threads but my goodness, you need to make sure she’s not involved with someone else. Check your phone bill. Check her text, email, and social media on her phone, tablet, and laptop. please don’t give me the she’s religious, low sex drive, conservative, too busy. Do your due diligence and rule out an interloper.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

D0nnivain said:


> Some people aren't gift givers. You have to spell things out for them. Tell her 2 weeks before a gift event that the day is approaching. Give her a list of things that you might want to receive. To add some mystery for you . . .give a list of 5-10 things & let her pick one gift to give. You can make it super easy & give her the links to on line shopping if you have to.
> 
> While it would be nice if she spent the actual day with you sometimes that can't be helped. If she can manage to still celebrate with you on another day you need to be OK with that rather than being chained to a calendar.


No. An adult can figure out when Christmas and their spouse's birthday are. Heck, elementary students can and do figure out when these days occur and make cute gifts for someone, all on their own.

Unless she is extremely challenged functioning generally in life, this advice is ridiculous. Sorry.

Chained to a calendar, really?????


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Some people who don't have that same pleasure in gifts just don't get what the fuss is all about. 
Neither of us are bothered about receiving gifts or even 'special' days. My husband wouldn't remember his own birthday unless I reminded him!
Thankfully we are both the same so it's not an issue.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

D0nnivain said:


> Some people aren't gift givers. You have to spell things out for them. Tell her 2 weeks before a gift event that the day is approaching. Give her a list of things that you might want to receive. To add some mystery for you . . .give a list of 5-10 things & let her pick one gift to give. You can make it super easy & give her the links to on line shopping if you have to.
> 
> While it would be nice if she spent the actual day with you sometimes that can't be helped. If she can manage to still celebrate with you on another day you need to be OK with that rather than being chained to a calendar.


my wife sux at figuring out gifts, but at least she WANTS TO buy them. i give her a list....things like belt sander i want with a link to the exact right one on amazon or home depot....

trouble is, i really do not need much stuff, so it is not a very long list every year.


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

Trident said:


> Stop buying her gifts.


This was my second thought. My first one was this: do you know what HER love language is? If you do, why don't you try speaking to her in that way instead of yours? To me, it sounds like you guys need to sit down and really talk things through. If being given thoughtful gifts is the way that you feel loved, you need to tell her that; if she feels loved by say... acts of service, then instead of giving her a gift, you could always do some stuff around the house (cleaning, yard work, whatever you can think of). 

This was me and my XH: he talked to me in one of his love languages which was receiving gifts. I personally didn't want all the stuff he was giving me, and I asked him to stop countless times, telling him that his gifts mean nothing to me if he doesn't treat me with respect and kindness and do things like helping out around the house. He never really let that sink in, unforunately, and here we are today, divorced. Not for only that reason, but communication was a huge part of it. 

Sit your wife down and have a heart to heart with her.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I was married to a guy who never gave me gifts. Every holiday, birthday, etc. would go by and I would not get nothing from him. Now, on the other hand, days/weeks before his birthday, Christmas, etc he would start dropping hints to me about what he wanted as gifts. I always gave him gifts. Over time I got upset about it.

Then one year I just ignored his birthday and did not get him a present or do anything. He was hurt and complained to me. My reply to him was that since he never gave me any gifts, it was clear that gifts mean nothing to him. I had come to realize that I was putting undue pressure on him by giving him gifts. From that day on, he has always given me gifts on every occasion.


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## The IT Guy (Oct 17, 2020)

Stop gift giving. She's taking advantage. And doesn't care.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Coachb said:


> So I’m laying here in bed alone, been alone at home with the kids all day on my wife’s and my 10 year anniversary. This is not the first time my wife has hurt me deeply.
> 
> she has misplaced (lost) two diamond wedding rings I’ve gotten her, one of my love languages is gift giving, I’m very good at giving gifts and give gifts many times because I want to but last Father’s Day she got a candy bar, that’s it a candy bar, it was the first gift she got for me in 3 father’s days. She has forgotten to get me gifts on 3 birthdays, 4 anniversaries, 3 Christmas’s and 4 father’s days. It hurts. She will take a day off from work to go to one of our kids school plays but she won’t stay with me on our anniversary instead insisting she must go to a party with coworkers. If she does get a gift it is always, I mean always a clearance item.


Wow, I have a totally different take on this from the other posts I have read. First, don't allow yourself to be a victim! Don't wallow in pity for yourself. 

Yes, your love language is presents and she isn't making you feel loved in your primary love language. How is she doing in your secondary love language? How is the rest of your marriage?

Sit down and do some serious introspection on what you have posted and are feeling. What is causing such a fear based emotional trigger in what she is or is not doing? Why is this such a big deal to you? Are you reacting to some past trauma? How is the rest of your marriage going? Are you really a "victim" of her actions or are you enjoying turning yourself into a victim?

Did she give you presents before you were married? Is this just who she is? Did you marry her anyway in the hopes you could change her.

Frankly, I would like to suggest that you get a copy of Glover's book No More Mr. Nice Guy. Read it and especially think about the concepts of co-dependence and "covert contracts." Needy, clingy men, are not sexy and do not inspire women in general. In fact they often make women feel that they need to push the man away so they may have emotional space to live.

You may be way over thinking this. She just might not be a (giving or receiving) presents kind of person. Have you seriously discussed with her the whole thing about gift giving? Do not discuss that it hurts you to not get gifts or be praised and have the gifts you give cherished by her? Instead learning about her feelings with gift giving and if it has any importance to her. Ask her about memories associated with past birthdays, holidays, etc. and the role, if any that presents had in those past experiences growing up?

Good luck. You need to figure out a lot and then you need to talk, but especially listen to what your wife says.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Young at Heart said:


> Wow, I have a totally different take on this from the other posts I have read. First, don't allow yourself to be a victim! Don't wallow in pity for yourself.
> 
> Yes, your love language is presents and she isn't making you feel loved in your primary love language. How is she doing in your secondary love language? How is the rest of your marriage?
> 
> ...


Wow. Disagree. 

The part I do agree with is you two need to talk bringing this to a head...because you've already talked some during this long, long period of trouble but without solutions. Her lack of response has confirmed she doesn't care about you.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

Coachb said:


> So I’m laying here in bed alone, been alone at home with the kids all day on my wife’s and my 10 year anniversary. This is not the first time my wife has hurt me deeply.
> 
> she has misplaced (lost) two diamond wedding rings I’ve gotten her, one of my love languages is gift giving, I’m very good at giving gifts and give gifts many times because I want to but last Father’s Day she got a candy bar, that’s it a candy bar, it was the first gift she got for me in 3 father’s days. She has forgotten to get me gifts on 3 birthdays, 4 anniversaries, 3 Christmas’s and 4 father’s days. It hurts. She will take a day off from work to go to one of our kids school plays but she won’t stay with me on our anniversary instead insisting she must go to a party with coworkers. If she does get a gift it is always, I mean always a clearance item.


Where is she loosing these wedding rings...coworkers house??? Perhapse at the bar???


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

You are married but she isn't.


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## 346745 (Oct 7, 2020)

Gabriel said:


> You are married but she isn't.


Best answer. Nailed it


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## Taxman (Dec 21, 2016)

Sir, unfortunately I have seen many instances of what you said in your first post in a lot of divorce filings over the years. As a consequence, I have several alarm bells going off in my head at once. The first being two diamond wedding rings. I would be searching bank records for the time those were lost. I had one woman who was systematically selling her many gifts over the years to build a war chest with which to divorce her husband. The other most glaring red flag is the abandonment of family events for "work socials". Nothing screams "office husband/wife" like that little personality defect.

Read carefully what has been said to you here. Your radar should be pinging madly at this point. I suggest a discussion with a lawyer strictly as a defense measure. Know your rights. Second, ensure (safeguard) your assets (bank accounts, investments and real property) and most importantly, liabilities. I have had more spouses near bankrupted by their departing spouse, having run up the cards to the brink of disaster and or attempting to clean out investments. A spouse who routinely acts as if you are a non entity is an air raid siren. Heed it.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> Bear in mind, any company that hosts a Christmas party or holiday party WITHOUT including significant others let's use spouse here is very much in the minority.
> 
> Compounded by the fact it's always a norm to include the spouse in a holiday party for the employees.


My wife’s company has never +1d and didn’t this year either. They treat it like a work meeting pretty much. A good thing too the place they had it sucks.


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## Keepin-my-head-up (Jan 11, 2013)

Maybe you gotta get better gifts


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## gaius (Nov 5, 2020)

Someone who's not my wife spent a decent amount of money and just got me a fairly nice Christmas gift. Which really annoyed the hell out of me because now I feel obligated to spend at lot more time and money than I wanted picking out something for them in return. They're manipulating me in a way which I don't like. 

And that's the thing. If you're showering her with gifts because it's something you like to do, and receiving a lot of gifts isn't her thing, then all you're doing is building resentment on her end. You're not making her want to buy you something nice in return. 

You need to figure out what she actually likes, not what you like doing for her, do it, and then she'll be more apt to try and meet your needs.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

ccpowerslave said:


> My wife’s company has never +1d and didn’t this year either. They treat it like a work meeting pretty much. A good thing too the place they had it sucks.


My company never allows spouses -- $$$ and too many people just for the employees (in NYC).....
I used to go for years -- figured a good way to get free food and drinks from my company, but I stopped probably 6 or 7 years ago -- found out that it really bothered my wife and she resented that she wasn't allowed to go. It really was NOT worth the bother of having her upset.


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## Camper292000 (Nov 7, 2015)

Check out the book No More Mr Nice guy. You can even find a PDF for free. Read it. Just read chapter 1.

And the book 'Attached'.


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## ArthurGPym (Jun 28, 2021)

Drive by poster.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Has she always been like this? If yes, it seems to me you never learn. On the bright side, she's been gifting you many kids to look after...


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

After three days and only one post, I think the OP has left the building. Too bad. Perhaps he was just looking for a place to vent.


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## whowouldhavethought (Jun 15, 2013)

I would have a chat with her and find out where she is coming from.

I have been married to the love of my life for 42 years. In the early days, I often forgot to get her cards but I would bake a cake from scratch, etc.

So after a few years, we agreed on no cards for each other. But I better not forget a Bday card for the grandchildren, etc.

Also, we have both lost wedding rings, etc. But we both agree we have married the perfect spouse for each other and are still madly in love with each other.


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## Defhero (Jan 5, 2022)

Coachb said:


> So I’m laying here in bed alone, been alone at home with the kids all day on my wife’s and my 10 year anniversary. This is not the first time my wife has hurt me deeply.
> 
> she has misplaced (lost) two diamond wedding rings I’ve gotten her, one of my love languages is gift giving, I’m very good at giving gifts and give gifts many times because I want to but last Father’s Day she got a candy bar, that’s it a candy bar, it was the first gift she got for me in 3 father’s days. She has forgotten to get me gifts on 3 birthdays, 4 anniversaries, 3 Christmas’s and 4 father’s days. It hurts. She will take a day off from work to go to one of our kids school plays but she won’t stay with me on our anniversary instead insisting she must go to a party with coworkers. If she does get a gift it is always, I mean always a clearance item.


Sounds like she is cheating and these are classic symptom of a cheater.


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## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

Coachb said:


> So I’m laying here in bed alone, been alone at home with the kids all day on my wife’s and my 10 year anniversary. This is not the first time my wife has hurt me deeply.
> 
> she has misplaced (lost) two diamond wedding rings I’ve gotten her, one of my love languages is gift giving, I’m very good at giving gifts and give gifts many times because I want to but last Father’s Day she got a candy bar, that’s it a candy bar, it was the first gift she got for me in 3 father’s days. She has forgotten to get me gifts on 3 birthdays, 4 anniversaries, 3 Christmas’s and 4 father’s days. It hurts. She will take a day off from work to go to one of our kids school plays but she won’t stay with me on our anniversary instead insisting she must go to a party with coworkers. If she does get a gift it is always, I mean always a clearance item.


When she goes to the office socials, how long after the party does it take for her to get home?
About the same time it takes for her to get home from work or longer and how much longer?


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## thunderchad (12 mo ago)

Sounds like she's cheating on you.


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## KateshiBlack (4 mo ago)

I’ve got a few questions, and I hope they will help me to suggest something. First of all, did you ever have a serious talk about it or not? I know this is important for you, and you want her to ‘guess’ what you want.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Coachb said:


> So I’m laying here in bed alone, been alone at home with the kids all day on my wife’s and my 10 year anniversary. This is not the first time my wife has hurt me deeply.
> 
> she has misplaced (lost) two diamond wedding rings I’ve gotten her, one of my love languages is gift giving, I’m very good at giving gifts and give gifts many times because I want to but last Father’s Day she got a candy bar, that’s it a candy bar, it was the first gift she got for me in 3 father’s days. She has forgotten to get me gifts on 3 birthdays, 4 anniversaries, 3 Christmas’s and 4 father’s days. It hurts. She will take a day off from work to go to one of our kids school plays but she won’t stay with me on our anniversary instead insisting she must go to a party with coworkers. If she does get a gift it is always, I mean always a clearance item.


Keeps losing her wedding ring huh? I wonder how that could happen? She must have slick fingers, huh?


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Zombie Cat says: "The irony of a post about a birthday present being not far off its own birthday cannot be overlooked."

What he actually said was "Meow, meow, prttt, meow, meow" but we all know what he _really _meant.

Meanwhile, here's Zombie Cat's friend George:-


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