# My Wife has given me another hall pass



## suspiciousOfPeople (Sep 5, 2012)

My wife is going away with one of her older (very religious) girlfriends to NY city to go to shows and have fun. I asked her if she intended on playing around if the opportunity arises. She flat out said *NO *its not going to happen. She then suggested that I have the kids stay with grandma & grandpa for a few days so I can go to a couple of the swingers clubs that we've been too. Her only request is that she doesnt want any details of what I did there. She just wants me to tell her I went and to have fun. Im actually thinking of going.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

So what?


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## pidge70 (Jan 17, 2011)

Holland said:


> So what?


:rofl:


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## gmabcd (Sep 9, 2011)

Strange
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

You're not living up to your user name. She is going to NY and tells you to go ahead and fool around but she's not planning to? And you believe her? :rofl:


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

It's a trap. And why would you want anyone else besides your wife. I hope you make the right choice.


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## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

Um... ok.

Thanks for letting us know OP.


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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

You let her go with a deeply religious friend? Alone?


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

Wasn't this your very first thread on TAM?

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general-relationship-discussion/55259-i-am-paranoid-right.html

I've briefly skimmed over your other threads too, and to be honest I'm rather surprised about this "hall pass" nonsense that your wife gave you. So why in the fvck would you even consider doing anything like this? At best, it will be an advance on a payment that you will have to make sooner or later, i.e. your wife gets to go out and sample some goods herself. At worst, your wife feels guilty about getting some action on the side and is giving you a "hall pass" in order for her to reduce her guilt...you know, set you up for one of those "moral equivalent" arguments down the road if you ever find out that she was unfaithful to you...

Not only do I think that you should NOT entertain this option, I would go back into "CIA" mode to determine if your wife has been up to no good with other men. 

Somewhere, there is infidelity lurking in the shadows. I can smell it, and it ain't napalm...


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

Plan 9 from OS said:


> Wasn't this your very first thread on TAM?
> 
> http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general-relationship-discussion/55259-i-am-paranoid-right.html
> 
> ...


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## SoWhat (Jan 7, 2012)

Holland said:


> So what?


Yes?


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

ANOTHER hall pass...so that indicates she's given you one before.

Did you use it?

There is no question here. Is this a brag? If so, consider yourself 'da man' that your wife doesn't care about you enough to be concerned with your fidelity anymore. Oops...sorry...I mean _loves and trusts_ you enough to want you to satisify yourself. (Dropped the script by accident)

One wonders why she feels this way.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Have Fun Storming the Castle


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

This isn't good


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## toonaive (Dec 13, 2012)

This could be a test.


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## mineforever (Jan 31, 2013)

I agree there is something going on. Are you sure your not being setup.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)




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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

good luck at the swingers club

most clubs only let in a limited amount of single males since the demand for a male to join a couple is much smaller vs the supply of willing single males


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## suspiciousOfPeople (Sep 5, 2012)

mineforever said:


> I agree there is something going on. Are you sure your not being setup.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I dont think I'm being set up. I have gone to swingers functions before by myself and did not have sex with anyone. She is fine with me going to such events and *NOT* fine with me going on a date (example: dinner and movie). So basically she doesnt care if I have a ONS at the swingers club. Also, I dont care if she has a ONS as long as she is honest and tells me about it.

One night stand = a few hours with someone else and no repeat rendezvous.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

and most couples aren't looking for a cuckold fantasy where it's just you and the woman, they want MMF scenarios. So if you're into double teaming a woman, then .....


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## suspiciousOfPeople (Sep 5, 2012)

Almostrecovered said:


> good luck at the swingers club
> 
> most clubs only let in a limited amount of single males since the demand for a male to join a couple is much smaller vs the supply of willing single males


Yes I know. I also know that a majority of the single men that go to these events almost never take the time to talk to the couples. They just expect the woman to bend over (literally) for them and therefore they never get any. I really dont care about hooking up. If it happens great if it doesnt oh well. We (my wife and I) do have friends that are swingers that we dont screw and I'll probably just hang out with them.


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## suspiciousOfPeople (Sep 5, 2012)

Almostrecovered said:


> and most couples aren't looking for a cuckold fantasy where it's just you and the woman, they want MMF scenarios. So if you're into double teaming a woman, then .....


Im into MFM, MFF, MFMF my wife and I have been in several of these configurations 

MMF =gay/bi (im not into that)


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

Cool story bro.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

look, if you really think you can have an open marriage marriage work, then you really need to discuss the "rules" in detail in order to prevent a potential marriage ending problem

personally I dont think it works 98% of the time (as someone who damn near went down the path), purely based on people we met in the "lifestyle"


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## suspiciousOfPeople (Sep 5, 2012)

PHTlump said:


>


It might be and it might not be. Whats going to be interesting is when we both go to couples therapy when she gets back from N.Y.

We've been going to couples therapy for about 5 weeks now. The therapist knows that we are swingers. She said swinging is a non-issue as long as the rules are followed and their are no insecurities.

The reason why we are going to therapy is because we were having a communication issue. Therapy seems to have helped clear it up a lot.


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## suspiciousOfPeople (Sep 5, 2012)

Almostrecovered said:


> look, if you really think you can have an open marriage marriage work, then you really need to discuss the "rules" in detail in order to prevent a potential marriage ending problem
> 
> personally I dont think it works 98% of the time (as someone who damn near went down the path), purely based on people we met in the "lifestyle"


We dont have an open marriage.


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## suspiciousOfPeople (Sep 5, 2012)

WorkingOnMe said:


> You're not living up to your user name. She is going to NY and tells you to go ahead and fool around but she's not planning to? And you believe her? :rofl:


Our rule is simple dont be deceptive. If one of us is going to play then we have to tell the other before and after. She doesnt need to deceive or lie to me and I dont need to too her.


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## suspiciousOfPeople (Sep 5, 2012)

Wiserforit said:


> You let her go with a deeply religious friend? Alone?


She's been going to N.Y. every year (four years now) with the same group of women. Last year she was out till 3 am at a bar. I wasnt to happy about her being out that late. I was fine with her being at the bar. She was even flirting with other guys. She said she did nothing and I have to *TRUST *her that she didnt lie to me.


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

I guess I don't understand the point to this then. She gave you a hall pass, you may or may not use it, you don't care if she screws some random guy, you both are swingers and cool with it. What am I missing? :scratchhead:


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

suspiciousOfPeople said:


> We dont have an open marriage.



then why are you both engaging in open marriage activities by your own admission?


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

suspiciousOfPeople said:


> We dont have an open marriage.


Allrighty then.

"open marriage 
Web definitions
a marriage in which each partner is free to enter into extraneous sexual relationships without guilt or jealousy from the other."

So, is it the 'without guilt or jealousy' part you don't subscribe to then?


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## suspiciousOfPeople (Sep 5, 2012)

Hope1964 said:


> Allrighty then.
> 
> "open marriage
> Web definitions
> ...


My wife and I have to ask for permission to go out for the "extraneous sexual relationships without guilt or jealousy from the other." We just cant go out.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

that's just an agreed upon condition of your open marriage


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## suspiciousOfPeople (Sep 5, 2012)

Almostrecovered said:


> that's just an agreed upon condition of your open marriage


To me an open marriage means that one or both can go out and have a whole separate emotional and sexual relationship with another person. We dont allow this.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

just because you define it differently than most, doesn't make it so

call it whatever you wish, but if you describe what you guys do to this board, 98% will say you have an open marriage


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

The generally accepted definition doesn't include anything about that. If you're going to say you don't have an open marriage, people aren't going to get that. You have an open marriage, dude, by everyone's definition but your own.

If you think that's going to work out for you, more power to you. I would be very interested, however, to know where you and your wife are in a few years.

ETA - AR read my mind.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

regardless of what you wish to define what you have, it is still imperative that you both have a nice long discussion over what is and what isn't acceptable or else this will end badly


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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

Well what he means by "open marriage" is that the definition is open to any interpretation you like, such as not even being married at all.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

a very religous women and your wife are going to ny for fun.

shes giving you a free pass..... nothing is free in life!

almost sounds like the beginning of a good joke!


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## suspiciousOfPeople (Sep 5, 2012)

My wife and I talked again about me going out. She is pretty adamant on me going out. I asked her again, if she has the opportunity to play with someone would she, she said NO she's not interested in doing that. 

I'll probably go to the club but just hang out with friends. Ive done this many times in the past.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

suspiciousOfPeople said:


> Im into MFM, MFF, MFMF my wife and I have been in several of these configurations
> 
> MMF =gay/bi (im not into that)


Clowns?

Midgets?

-----

I agree dating is not a good idea.


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## suspiciousOfPeople (Sep 5, 2012)

Entropy3000 said:


> Clowns?
> 
> Midgets?


nah, not into clown or little people.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

little people need group sex too


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## suspiciousOfPeople (Sep 5, 2012)

Almostrecovered said:


> little people need group sex too


I wonder if theres any porn videos of that?:rofl:


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

suspiciousOfPeople said:


> I wonder if theres any porn videos of that?:rofl:


if you can think it, it probably already exists


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Does it not seem just a wee bit odd that your wife would be pushing you to go out and have sex with someone else, yet adamantly deny she is going to do the same???


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## suspiciousOfPeople (Sep 5, 2012)

Hope1964 said:


> Does it not seem just a wee bit odd that your wife would be pushing you to go out and have sex with someone else, yet adamantly deny she is going to do the same???


A little bit. However, I never go out. I never hang out with friends. I usually just stay home or go to work. She just wants me to go out.


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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

I think this is possible, *Hope1964*. I can see how people that are into the swinging lifestyle would give hall passes if they were away from their spouse doing the "New York" thing.

It's just that here we have some other issues that apparently rise to the level of marriage counseling. 

I'm not sure what the point is of the OP except to celebrate "hall pass status". I don't think it's really worth all that much. I have one but I just don't see it as worth redeeming. A day with the wife and kids just sounds so much more thrilling. Daddy can play monster and chase them around the house, and they can shoot me with their pretend guns. Killing the monster is peak entertainment around here.


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## suspiciousOfPeople (Sep 5, 2012)

Like I said Ill probably go out to the swing party but not do anything.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Wiserforit said:


> I have one


So your wife has told you she's perfectly fine with you going out and having sex with someone else :scratchhead:

BTW kudos to you for not actually doing it.

It just really boggles my mind that anyone in a loving, successful, supposed-to-be-forever marriage is ok with this, really and truly, deep down if they're being completely honest. But, I suppose anything's possible. Just because I don't get it doesn't mean it's not.


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## suspiciousOfPeople (Sep 5, 2012)

Hope1964 said:


> So your wife has told you she's perfectly fine with you going out and having sex with someone else :scratchhead:
> 
> BTW kudos to you for not actually doing it.
> 
> It just really boggles my mind that anyone in a loving, successful, supposed-to-be-forever marriage is ok with this, really and truly, deep down if they're being completely honest. But, I suppose anything's possible. Just because I don't get it doesn't mean it's not.


Thats kinda my issue. I dont really understand how she is ok with me going out on my own. I am bit hesitant on her going out on her own.


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## LetDownNTX (Oct 4, 2012)

Im going back to the CWI forum...where I obviously belong.

I just threw up a little in my mouth!


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Well, if you aren't sure about it, why are you agreeing to it?

I wonder if your wife knows you aren't really ok with it, therefore she pushes you to do it, hoping you do, so that when you find out she's been doing it behind your back she can say "well YOU'VE done it". Especially since she says that she doesn't want details. In her mind, since she's told you to do it, she has your permission to do it, and probably will, if she hasn't already.

AR's advice about a very serious heart to heart with her is well advised I think. It really doesn't sound to me like the two of you are on the same page.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Hope1964 said:


> So your wife has told you she's perfectly fine with you going out and having sex with someone else :scratchhead:
> 
> BTW kudos to you for not actually doing it.
> 
> It just really boggles my mind that anyone in a loving, successful, supposed-to-be-forever marriage is ok with this, really and truly, deep down if they're being completely honest. But, I suppose anything's possible. Just because I don't get it doesn't mean it's not.


If my wife offered me one that would be a dealbreaker. Seriously.


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## Zatol Ugot? (Mar 5, 2012)

This whole thread.....


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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

Hope1964 said:


> So your wife has told you she's perfectly fine with you going out and having sex with someone else :scratchhead:
> 
> BTW kudos to you for not actually doing it.
> 
> It just really boggles my mind that anyone in a loving, successful, supposed-to-be-forever marriage is ok with this, really and truly, deep down if they're being completely honest. But, I suppose anything's possible. Just because I don't get it doesn't mean it's not.


She has a fantasy about me doing other girls. So long as she is the one in control she has zero jealousy. She paid a stripper to do a really grinding lap dance and she watched. I didn't like doing that, on account of not really enjoying it and the waste of money. "Virtual" doing it with porn is OK with me. Or talking her through a fantasy while she's on top. 

But she checks up on my internet history to see if I am looking at porn without her knowledge, and she will get really jealous if I have done it without her in control. I just looked at my "view" button and sure enough she was looking at my history while I was in the shop. She has permission to check up on me. I'm a good boy anyway. 

But it really is supreme laziness on my part, insofar as doing another girl. As a practical matter look at all the work you have to go through, like this guy here - going out of the house to a club, and that has to cost money for membership, all the rig-a-ma-role of meeting people & small talk, getting a room, going through the mechanics of it... doesn't a cup of coffee with your feet up on the desk reading threads like this sound a lot more fun?


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Entropy3000 said:


> If my wife offered me one that would be a dealbreaker. Seriously.


Same. I would be heartbroken. this isn't a judgement call on people that live the swingers lifestyle, just saying it would be the start of the end for me.
I want my man to fend off all others and to protect our relationship. I need to be wanted and if he said it was OK for me to be with another it would mean he wanted me less.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

"I dont really understand how she is ok with me going out on my own. I am bit hesitant on her going out on her own."

Sounds like it isn't as all hunky dory and trusting as you would like to pretend it is.


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## suspiciousOfPeople (Sep 5, 2012)

Wiserforit said:


> She has a fantasy about me doing other girls. So long as she is the one in control she has zero jealousy. She paid a stripper to do a really grinding lap dance and she watched. I didn't like doing that, on account of not really enjoying it and the waste of money. "Virtual" doing it with porn is OK with me. Or talking her through a fantasy while she's on top.
> 
> But she checks up on my internet history to see if I am looking at porn without her knowledge, and she will get really jealous if I have done it without her in control. I just looked at my "view" button and sure enough she was looking at my history while I was in the shop. She has permission to check up on me. I'm a good boy anyway.
> 
> But it really is supreme laziness on my part, insofar as doing another girl. As a practical matter look at all the work you have to go through, like this guy here - going out of the house to a club, and that has to cost money for membership, all the rig-a-ma-role of meeting people & small talk, getting a room, going through the mechanics of it... doesn't a cup of coffee with your feet up on the desk reading threads like this sound a lot more fun?


I actually took my wife to a strip club, for the first time recently, and we took turns buying lap dances for each other. We had a blast!

My wife knows I look at porn. She never checks my internet history or phone. I never hide my phone or lock my computer and she knows she can look at it at anytime. I could go behind her back anytime I wanted to but I really dont care too.

I agree with you on the whole laziness part. I kinda want to go to the club but id be fine with just playing xbox or torturing (rough housing, chasing them,... NOT abusing them) my kids! 

As for needing to get a room? The club we go to has an area where people can go to screw or watch others get it on. So no room needed. We are also members so Id just need to pay the door fee. lol


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## suspiciousOfPeople (Sep 5, 2012)

Faithful Wife said:


> "I dont really understand how she is ok with me going out on my own. I am bit hesitant on her going out on her own."
> 
> Sounds like it isn't as all hunky dory and trusting as you would like to pretend it is.


No I am just uneasy with it. Shes done it once (a few years ago) and I was very anxious but hugely aroused by it.


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## suspiciousOfPeople (Sep 5, 2012)

Holland said:


> Same. I would be heartbroken. this isn't a judgement call on people that live the swingers lifestyle, just saying it would be the start of the end for me.
> I want my man to fend off all others and to protect our relationship. I need to be wanted and if he said it was OK for me to be with another it would mean he wanted me less.


We used to think like that.


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## suspiciousOfPeople (Sep 5, 2012)

I think this post belongs in the "general relationship discussion" forum not in the "sex in marriage" forum. Can I move it? or does someone else need too?


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

LetDownNTX said:


> Im going back to the CWI forum...where I obviously belong.
> 
> I just threw up a little in my mouth!


My SIM threads are awesome, and they won't burn out your eyeballs...


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

suspiciousOfPeople said:


> My wife and I talked again about me going out. She is pretty adamant on me going out. I asked her again, if she has the opportunity to play with someone would she, she said NO she's not interested in doing that.
> 
> I'll probably go to the club but just hang out with friends. Ive done this many times in the past.


And you aren't even a little suspicous that she is adamant that you go? Is she trying to prove something to you? Is she testing you? Is she setting you up for something? Is she assuaging her guilt? (You say you trust her...but you do nothing to verify that trust...so this is FAITH, not trust)

Why is it so imperative that you engage in that kind of behavior?

Your definition is, btw, self serving. You don't want to have to say to others that you have an open marriage because it suggests quite a bit about you as a couple.

But for most people, if there are ANY rules which allow any penetrative sexual contact with a non-spouse, it's an open marriage.

Why is this club so superior to, say, a bar downtown, a movie with some friends, a night at the museum?

Because sex is involved obviously...but why does sex need to be involved in this?


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

suspiciousOfPeople said:


> No I am just uneasy with it. Shes done it once (a few years ago) and I was very anxious but hugely aroused by it.


It's called hysterical bonding, where you are now in an unsure relationship. The lizard in your brain wants to reclaim it's mate...and so puts your johnson on steroids.

So swinging is akin to knocking down walls in your house so you have the wood to put in your stove to add some heat. But knock down enough support walls and the whole thing collapses.

Swinging is playing with fire. You don't need to answer, but how many of your swinger friends have what you consider 'healthy' relationships with their spouses? How many couples 'disappear' from the scene for undisclosed reasons? (Betting the reasons are damage to the marriage or the ending of the marriage)

SOME couples can build up the support walls in their house as fast as they burn them down...but it's always a weaker house than someone who keeps building MORE things to secure the marriage without burning anything away.

You can say it works for you...but you are in MC. I'm sure it's TOTALLY unrelated. Just like wife disappears for a week to NYC and is out drinking till 3 am...just like she is pushing you to have sex with someone else...not drink with friends. SEX.

Here is a puzzle to keep you busy while she's enjoying NY.


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## suspiciousOfPeople (Sep 5, 2012)

JCD said:


> And you aren't even a little suspicous that she is adamant that you go? Is she trying to prove something to you? Is she testing you? Is she setting you up for something? Is she assuaging her guilt? (You say you trust her...but you do nothing to verify that trust...so this is FAITH, not trust)


No I am actually no suspicious of her reasons that I go. She wants me to have some fun while she is gone. Its her way of saying thank you to me for allowing her to go to NY. She does not (or has not) hide anything from me and hasnt behaved out of the ordinary so I have no reason not to trust her or lose faith in her. 



> Why is it so imperative that you engage in that kind of behavior?
> 
> Your definition is, btw, self serving. You don't want to have to say to others that you have an open marriage because it suggests quite a bit about you as a couple.


Im tired of arguing over the definition of open marriage.



> Why is this club so superior to, say, a bar downtown, a movie with some friends, a night at the museum?
> 
> Because sex is involved obviously...but why does sex need to be involved in this?


I dont feel right going to bars. Besides most of the bars by my house are overrun with mexicans that dont speak english. Im a bit to old to go to night clubs and besides night clubs are usually overrun with a**hole single men that are itching for a beat down. Im already taking my kids to the movies (while the wife is away). My wife would become jealous if I went to a museum without her lol. 

As I stated in previous posts. Just because I go to a swingers function doesnt necessarily mean Im going to have sex. We have friends (non sexual) that we usually hang out with over there. My wife knows this and is comfortable with that.


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## suspiciousOfPeople (Sep 5, 2012)

JCD said:


> It's called hysterical bonding, where you are now in an unsure relationship. The lizard in your brain wants to reclaim it's mate...and so puts your johnson on steroids.


Im quite familiar with hysterical bonding. I kinda enjoy it.



> So swinging is akin to knocking down walls in your house so you have the wood to put in your stove to add some heat. But knock down enough support walls and the whole thing collapses.
> 
> Swinging is playing with fire. You don't need to answer, but how many of your swinger friends have what you consider 'healthy' relationships with their spouses? How many couples 'disappear' from the scene for undisclosed reasons? (Betting the reasons are damage to the marriage or the ending of the marriage)
> 
> SOME couples can build up the support walls in their house as fast as they burn them down...but it's always a weaker house than someone who keeps building MORE things to secure the marriage without burning anything away.


We have known couples that have ended up divorcing after entering the lifestyle. We also know couples that have been married for 20+ years that started swinging on their wedding night. We also know a couple thats been married for 25 years and the husband just found out his sweet loving wife was F'N a coworker for over 9 years! 

I hate deceit! 

Id rather my wife just come out and tell me that she wants to have sex with someone than hide it. My wife also expects the same from me. 



> You can say it works for you...but you are in MC. I'm sure it's TOTALLY unrelated. Just like wife disappears for a week to NYC and is out drinking till 3 am...just like she is pushing you to have sex with someone else...not drink with friends. SEX.
> 
> Here is a puzzle to keep you busy while she's enjoying NY.


I have to trust her she has to trust me.

Im going to be to busy with my kids to do your childish puzzle. Thanks though.

The MC is unrelated. The counselor has told us our issues are NOT related to swinging.


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

OK, so you and the wife are swingers and you live in an open marriage - with the stipulation that any new love interests have to be vetted by you and her. So this "hall pass" is different in that you can have sex with another person without your wife having to approve first? Is this the distinction that you are making vs. what you two have been doing historically?

Just trying to make sure I understand what makes this situation different from your regular swinging.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

what was the original question again?


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

I can respect your lifestyle, and know people who are into it and are happy.

I also enjoy hearing different perspectives and views on life and marriage. So I'm glad you are posting here.

I don't actually know what you get out of posting here, though? This forum is full of people who aren't going to be accepting of your lifestyle (along with those of us who are). Why not join a swingers message forum, to speak with others who have the same types of issues?


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

So now suddenly you're AOK with everything?? That's not what you said a couple of pages back.

I don't think you have a clue WHAT you really think. I think your wife just dictates it to you.

I am also wondering what exactly you posted for, besides to brag.


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

> Im quite familiar with hysterical bonding. I kinda enjoy it.


Cool. I hear that russian roulette is also a hell of a rush.



> The MC is unrelated. The counselor has told us our issues are NOT related to swinging.


The counselor also wants to get paid. 

Even if this is so, you've taken communication and put it from important to critical by the swinging practice.

It is the difference between playing a game of 'lead your partner'. Your wife puts on a blindfold and you tell her where to step to see if she can follow your directions to get to a goal. Lots of fun but you get the occasional bump and bruise as things don't get said or understood properly.

But now, with the swinging and the trust issues, you've taken that game and put it in a mine field where little miscues can be criticallly important.

I see you are very defensive about the lifestyle. I am not attacking it per se. I am saying that while a certain percentage is mature enough (or blase enough) to weather such practices, they are a much smaller percentage then the actual number of swingers.


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## coupdegrace (Oct 15, 2012)

Call me crazy, but I interpreted the original post as, "Go ahead and cheat, because I plan on doing it too, if I can. If you go to the swingers club and get your freak on, that will just ease my guilty conscious."


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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

JCD said:


> I see you are very defensive about the lifestyle. I am not attacking it per se. I am saying that while a certain percentage is mature enough (or blase enough) to weather such practices, they are a much smaller percentage then the actual number of swingers.


In the wiki article on swingers I cited in another thread, there are surveys that have surprisingly high (to me) satisfaction rates for those who are in swinging lifestyles - like 80%, so I think we need to stop projecting our own ideas onto what other people are doing. I'm not a swinger but I can accept other people do it, and I guess it's pretty logical that they are doing it because they like to. 

Obviously with so much attacking going on, which you are also doing, he is defensive. I've made fun of him for saying it isn't an open marriage, so please don't get me wrong here. I just admit to what I am doing. 

And you know if a man came on to celebrate that his wife let him buy a big 'ole monster truck or go on a safari to Africa or put a pool table in the living room or whatever then people wouldn't attack so much because they aren't so disapproving of those things.


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

Like one of the last posters asked, WHY are you here the if everything is good?

Are you just here to brag about your relationship and the fact that your swinger wife trusts you enough to give you a Hall Pass whiles she's away?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

Toffer said:


> Like one of the last posters asked, WHY are you here the if everything is good?
> 
> Are you just here to brag about your relationship and the fact that your swinger wife trusts you enough to give you a Hall Pass whiles she's away?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


This is a funny thread. Not uncommon for TAM, but funny. If you look at this posting history, his very first thread was a concern that his wife was cheating on him. Even with the first posts on this thread, you can see the concern that he has. It wasn't until people started questioning what he and his wife were doing until he backtracked and is now "quite happy" with how things are going.

Here's what I really think is going on: Deep down, this poster is concerned about how his marriage is progressing regarding sexuality. He knows that over time this lifestyle is going to ruin his marriage; however, he's committed to this course because it's what his wife wants. I think he's in too deep, and he doesn't know any way else to go but forward.


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## SoWhat (Jan 7, 2012)

Wiserforit said:


> In the wiki article on swingers I cited in another thread, there are surveys that have surprisingly high (to me) satisfaction rates for those who are in swinging lifestyles - like 80%, so I think we need to stop projecting our own ideas onto what other people are doing. I'm not a swinger but I can accept other people do it, and I guess it's pretty logical that they are doing it because they like to.
> 
> Obviously with so much attacking going on, which you are also doing, he is defensive. I've made fun of him for saying it isn't an open marriage, so please don't get me wrong here. I just admit to what I am doing.
> 
> And you know if a man came on to celebrate that his wife let him buy a big 'ole monster truck or go on a safari to Africa or put a pool table in the living room or whatever then people wouldn't attack so much because they aren't so disapproving of those things.


If he were bragging, he wouldn't be mentioning that he's "uneasy " about it. And he should be - the whole thing strikes him (and the rest of us) as very odd. 

My little brother has an ex-girlfriend that gave him a "hall pass" when he went off to college in another city. She said she wasn't going to fool around with anyone else but actually wanted him to do so. I told him he was naive if he believed that she was saying this with no ulterior motive.

No one but my brother was shocked when it came out that she was sleeping with one of her male BFFs. Because she had no reason at all to encourage this without anything happening on her end. 

So are people "projecting" - well, maybe some. But they're also using inductive reasoning about how human beings typically behave.


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

Plan 9,

I pretty much said what you said above on one of his previous threads

I don't think he's as comfortable with their lifestyle as he professes to be and I think he'd be happy to change it but she'll have no part of that

Sounds like she's getting her self boinked more often than he is and enjoying it and that scares him

I think he feels that she may have or could have feelings for someone else
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

Toffer said:


> Plan 9,
> 
> I pretty much said what you said above on one of his previous threads
> 
> ...


I had a 'friend' who was a swinger...excuse me...predator. He was a single guy who 'took care of the wives' while hubby was looking for some strange.

He stated that normally THE MAN was the one who pushed the woman into the lifestyle...and came to regret it because wifey found out how incredibly popular she was by offering it up.

But backing out is hard...very hard. It involves getting the wife back into monogamy.

Not saying that is the case here, but from his tone, there seems to be some issues.

Now,OP, when you want to start talking about what is REALLY bothering you, first, I need to step back and be a bit less seemingly judgmental.

Second, you need to be brave enough to leave behind the 'everything is happy Fun time on the swing shift' script.

Cause you don't sound as if you are being real.


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## suspiciousOfPeople (Sep 5, 2012)

Update! I went to the club this past weekend. However I talked to my wife several times, that day, before I went just to make sure she was ok with me going. She said she was good and told me to have fun. I asked her if she was gonna play, if the opportunity came up, she said no she will wait till she gets home so I can watch. LOL

Anyway, I went to the club and was treated like a piece of meat! Loved it! And yes Im bragging. I talked to my wife several times afterwards and she said she is happy I got to get out and have some fun. I cant wait for her to get back!


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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

SoWhat said:


> My little brother has an ex-girlfriend that gave him a "hall pass" when he went off to college in another city. She said she wasn't going to fool around with anyone else but actually wanted him to do so. I told him he was naive if he believed that she was saying this with no ulterior motive.


I have zero doubt that's true. And true for others too.

I'm just not automatically dismissive of this lifestyle despite not being into it myself. 

I can also see how there is a combination of being uneasy about it at the same time it is thrilling. Like a lot of thrill-seeking behavior.


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## suspiciousOfPeople (Sep 5, 2012)

Wiserforit said:


> I have zero doubt that's true. And true for others too.
> 
> I'm just not automatically dismissive of this lifestyle despite not being into it myself.
> 
> I can also see how there is a combination of being uneasy about it at the same time it is thrilling. Like a lot of thrill-seeking behavior.


I think it all comes down to trust. Im okay if my wife did decide to do something as long as she didnt hide it. I know that she doesnt want me to hide what I did.


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

So thanks for the "my swinging lifestyle is great" report

When you figure out what your gut is REALLY trying to tell you, give us a yell
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## littlesweetling (Feb 16, 2013)

I so couldn't do this. I just don't share my toys very well. My philosophy is mine..mine..mine!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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