# Am I too clingy or what?



## SepticChange (Aug 21, 2011)

I got married in July of last year. DH and I have been long distance since November. I saw him for the first time since February nearly two weeks ago. I spent 12 of the happiest days with him. I came back last night and all I did was cry because I missed him so much. I'm also very frustrated at my current job situation that doesn't have to do with him so that also added onto my temporary depression but I found myself disgusted with how I felt. 

Yes, it's normal for a woman to miss her husband but am I taking it too far? All I want is to be with him and I hate that I'm hundreds of miles away when I shouldn't be because of factors neither of us can control. I know he missed me as well because I saw it when we were together but I took it overboard and hated letting him out of my sight and always had to be touching him whether it was sex, rubbing his hair, holding his hand, leaning against him...whatever. I feel kind of pathetic. Is this unhealthy clingy behavior or is it just a newlywed who's been away from her other half for too long and just misses him a lot and waiting for things to get back to normal?


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Whoa nelly!

Why are you disgusted with yourself? You were expressing a normal human emotion in the circumstance. Why are you beating yourself up? Were you punished as a child for expressing emotion?

As far as when you were together, why do you say you "took it overboard"? Did he complain? This is exactly how I would act if I had been away from my H for 4 months. This board is full of men who would kill for their wives to be that affectionate. Again, did your husband call you clingy?

So where are you getting these messages from, that you are "unhealthy" and "clingy"?


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## SepticChange (Aug 21, 2011)

lamaga, this is the result of loneliness and too much thinking LOL. I'm just afraid of being one of those codependent women who can't seem to function without their husbands. I don't recall being punished in the past for expressing emotion...I'm actually not one to show much of it naturally unless it's pretty deep.

I feel like I took it overboard at times. I visited his family because this is the last time I'm going to see them for three years because he and I are moving overseas. He wanted me to spend time with his parents and brothers and nieces and not just him which I understand but I couldn't help it and just wanted to be with him and sometimes just him all the time. I wanted to be selfish but I understood where he was coming from. A couple times he jokingly pried me off of him (I didn't take it personally or anything) and told me that we didn't need to be around each other all the time.

He called me clingy one time but he said that he liked it. I think he meant that he liked how affectionate I was. Right now that I'm back in my dorm room I'm feeling depressed. I hate being away from him and sometimes even a phone call and hearing his voice just isn't enough. Feels like a tease.


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

It's okay, it's okay. You are doing just fine. Just today there was a deployed guy on here because his wife won't even return his calls, for TWO WEEKS. You think your guy is going to complain because you made it clear how much you adore him? I think he's going to brag about it 

Hang in there, and keep posting. Lots of good people on here.


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## SepticChange (Aug 21, 2011)

Thanks lamaga. I know my husband feels the same because his friends told me many times how he missed me...I suppose the way I show it is normal. And since he hasn't outright complained about it I got nothing to worry about. I'll try to ditch the crappy feelings.


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Good girl!


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Your feelings and actions are normal. The two of you need to be living together as soon as possible.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

I'd be EXACTLY like you SepticChange in everything you expressed here...except I wouldn't question it.... I would have a hell of a time being separated for that amount of time. Oh my, just the thought of it - would make me ill. I think many times we read on this foroum comments about "clinginess" and "Neediness" -like it is all bad....something is wrong with such a person. 

I personally feel if a woman's or man's Love language's are *TIME* & *TOUCH* at the very top... you will be driven to be more affectionate and crave his time ...sometimes like mad, especially if being apart for SO long! This is what me & my husband BOTH are... it would kill us to be apart for long periods of time....very hard on us emotionally. (the longest we have ever been separated in 22 yrs of marriage is 2 weeks). I would even go as far as saying I would happily choose a spouse more on the clingy side over one too independent - cause I enjoy clinging to my man! 

It would hurt my feelings if my husband told me I was "too much" though. Thankfully this has never happened. 

How can you stand it -- I hope you have some ending in site... I think so long as you know this is just temporary....it can be managed somehow but still...very very hard. I guess you get used to it. 

Good for you for showing all that pent up affection towards him, gives him lots to overturn in his mind when he is alone...and to run home too the next chance he gets.....into open arms... and roaming hands. Every man ought to eat that up after being away for 4 months straight !


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## SepticChange (Aug 21, 2011)

EleGirl said:


> Your feelings and actions are normal. The two of you need to be living together as soon as possible.



Yes and that's another part that has me depressed...I don't know when. Hopefully no more than two weeks. It's very hard considering the fact that he and I should have been together for good nearly two months ago


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

I know, but in the scheme of your whole life, two weeks is just a blip. Hang in there.


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## SepticChange (Aug 21, 2011)

SimplyAmorous said:


> I'd be EXACTLY like you SepticChange in everything you expressed here...except I wouldn't question it.... I would have a hell of a time being separated for that amount of time. Oh my, just the thought of it - would make me ill. I think many times we read on this foroum comments about "clinginess" and "Neediness" -like it is all bad....something is wrong with such a person.
> 
> I personally feel if a woman's or man's Love language's are *TIME* & *TOUCH* at the very top... you will be driven to be more affectionate and crave his time ...sometimes like mad, especially if being apart for SO long! This is what me & my husband BOTH are... it would kill us to be apart for long periods of time....very hard on us emotionally. (the longest we have ever been separated in 22 yrs of marriage is 2 weeks). I would even go as far as saying I would happily choose a spouse more on the clingy side over one too independent - cause I enjoy clinging to my man!
> 
> ...



I'm glad to find that that my "clinginess" is normal. I suppose it is something that he can look forward to when we see each other again. It's incredibly frustrating to be apart like this, but that's the military for ya. And yes, I read Gary Chapman's book and Quality Time and Physical Touch are my primary love languages so this hurts really bad.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

I would be the same! marriage means TOGETHER. Not this long distance crap. I did a long distance relationship in college and it lasted 2 months. 

  I'm sorry you are having to be so separate. But you are just HUMAN and NORMAL! I'd be a wreck if Hubs was gone for months. Omg.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Agreed!

I was away for all of a week and that meant us sitting as close as possible when catching up, expressing how we missed one another. I like being around my husband and make no apologies for it. I have a lot of respect for couples who make it work when one is away, it can't be easy. Cut yourself some slack. It doesn't mean you're not a functioning adult without him. It just means you're in love and want to be with him.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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