# Women that like frequent sex with their husband



## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

There are a ton of threads here from husbands who are frustrated because their wife has a low sex drive, and I'm sure this has been answered somewhat in response to the LD threads, but what about the women here who enjoy frequent, spicy sex with their husband. Is it something that just seems normal for you and you never gave it much thought, or does it take a lot of relationship work to do it? Do you ever wonder why some women have low drives, or does it make perfect sense to you? Do you feel your husband has shortcomings but it just doesn't bother you enough to decrease your drive like it would some women, or is your husband just great at being great and, therefore, it keeps your drive going. Could you have sex just for the physical enjoyment, or are there always emotional needs that need to be met?

Whew! I know that is a lot of questions, but I'm just trying to add wrinkles to my brain when it comes to relationships.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

I've been highly sexual from an early age so it's normal to me. Married a man that I have chemistry with. And so far after 21 years he's yet to do anything to decrease my drive. I do NOT understand anyone men or women who don't love sex. I can also have sex without the emotional needs being met. I mean if he were a jerk or cheated on me that would change things but I'm not like a LD female.

The only thing that has caused my drive to drop is age. I'm 46 and even on hormones I can go a week without sex now. That's kind of nice actually. I'm no longer driven by a need to have daily sex. I'd like it sure but it's not necessary. Make sense?


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

I can see why some women have low drives. The reasons are numerous and I understand each one - particularly the "lack of attention" one. Instead of shutting down like some women, I seek affection and attention in other ways - such as through intimacy. Sometimes it's the only time I get his one on one attention. I don't need things to be absolutely perfect, although I realize some women are distracted by unfinished and unrelated business. I never have sex for the physical pleasure, as that would be a high expectation for me - rather, I choose to focus on the time I'm spending with him exploring each other. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

Mavash. said:


> I've been highly sexual from an early age so it's normal to me. Married a man that I have chemistry with. And so far after 21 years he's yet to do anything to decrease my drive. I do NOT understand anyone men or women who don't love sex. I can also have sex without the emotional needs being met. I mean if he were a jerk or cheated on me that would change things but I'm not like a LD female.
> 
> The only thing that has caused my drive to drop is age. I'm 46 and even on hormones I can go a week without sex now. That's kind of nice actually. I'm no longer driven by a need to have daily sex. I'd like it sure but it's not necessary. Make sense?


Wow, your the first responder and you are exactly what I wondered about. It appears you simply enjoy sex, can't understand why anyone wouldn't, and it sounds like there is very little that could change it short of your husband cheating or being a total jerk.


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

LoL! Mavash beat me to it! 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

LadyFrogFlyAway said:


> 1.) It's completely normal to me.
> 
> 2.) I don't understand LD. I just started a thread to try and understand it better.
> 
> ...


I meant shortcomings as a person overall. It just seems like women loose interest sometimes and it's because their husband isn't giving them emotional needs in everyday life, yet husbands don't often seem to realize it. I just wondered if there were women who liked sex with their husband and it didn't depend on him keeping the planets in perfect alignment; it appears there are.


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

LadyFrogFlyAway said:


> See, I view the withholding sex as punishment nonsense as punishing myself as well. I get slightly crabby and feel physically off if I don't get regular sex. So I find other ways to punish him. :rofl:JK


That's something I always wondered about my x wife. Unless there was a health issue, how does a healthy, young woman just go without desire. How could a living body be that sexually dead?


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## Aristotle (Apr 4, 2012)

God bless these women.


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

LadyFrogFlyAway said:


> I don't know. If you figure it out please tell me. I'd be gnawing through a steel pipe.


I can't say I've figured it out, but like i said, it appears from what I read on this forum that sexual desire is totally different for men and women. It appears men are more visual, while women need more emotional things to be aroused; therefore, if their husband gets grumpy or slacks off on his communication skills, it greatly decreases a woman's desire. Apparently that's not the case for the ones who have responded here, which is what i was wondering, but it appears like it's that way for many. 

When I hear it said that some women look at sex as a chore, I wonder how something so pleasurable and fun could be a chore.


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## *LittleDeer* (Apr 19, 2012)

I believe I have quite a high drive. However I can be totally turned off sex. If a guy is a doormat, doesn't stand up for himself or me. Isn't a gentlemen in the way he treats women generally, and doesn't pay me enough attention, amongst other things, then I can lose sexual interest. 

I believe that to maintain attraction you have to have a healthy relationship, lots of flirting, time together, and for me he has to be a manly man. If I lose respect or he acts like a child (not doing his fair share, losing temper quickly for example) , then it's hard for me to see him as a man and be aroused.


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## notsocool (Jul 4, 2010)

I can't imagine not feeling like sex, it is part of who I am, from a teenager through to now,age 50. I went some years between two marriages with no sex and it nearly drove me insane. There is an almost constant driving need in me. I don't 'get' LD women, I can't imagine not having that need. Certainly if my H and I are having problems we might not have sex a couple days, but I still feel like it. 
Being in a loving relationship now and having that emotional connect makes sex the best and most intense I've ever experienced. Without that emotional connection as it was mostly with my first marriage, sex wasn't great but I still wanted it.


southbound said:


> There are a ton of threads here from husbands who are frustrated because their wife has a low sex drive, and I'm sure this has been answered somewhat in response to the LD threads, but what about the women here who enjoy frequent, spicy sex with their husband. Is it something that just seems normal for you and you never gave it much thought, or does it take a lot of relationship work to do it? Do you ever wonder why some women have low drives, or does it make perfect sense to you? Do you feel your husband has shortcomings but it just doesn't bother you enough to decrease your drive like it would some women, or is your husband just great at being great and, therefore, it keeps your drive going. Could you have sex just for the physical enjoyment, or are there always emotional needs that need to be met?
> 
> Whew! I know that is a lot of questions, but I'm just trying to add wrinkles to my brain when it comes to relationships.


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Marvel212 (May 7, 2012)

For me. Sex was sex. I love the physical aspect of it. Once your married it seems to be a little different. If I havent had it in a while yes I want it just to get it the physical. As my marriage continues it seems to be more than just physical our emotions play into it and make it better or worse. Our sex life doesnt seem to take a hit because of low drive. I think that we understand each other. How to communicate. He knows that I enjoy cuddling and girly stuff like that even if he has to watch one of "my shows" as he calls it. 9/10 he falls asleep but I dont care. I know that he enjoys the physical stuff like waking up to bj's not intiating sex just for the enjoyment. I think a lot of LD couples problems not only lies with sex but other issues in their relationship.... Now there are a few that just dont like or enjoy sex for some crazy reason dont ask me why. Im still trying to understand :scratchhead:.....


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## As You Wish (Jun 5, 2012)

Sorry to reply so late, but I was having sex. Twice. 

I guess I'm different. I left an emotionally dead marriage after 17 yrs. We did it about twice a month. 

My current husband and I have a very different dynamic in our marriage. We average 10x a week. Of course we've only been in this relationship a very short time. Lol However, H is very much HD, where my ex was midD, if there is such a thing. 

Me, I think my drive is fluid. When it's not happening, I'm ok. But now that I get it regularly, I want it all the time. Lol I'm in my mid 40s and have noticed that my drive seems to have increased as I've aged. But that could have coincided with my divorce. Lol
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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

It's just normal for me. Hubs is the first man to match my desire. He is also high drive so it works out amazingly.


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## LovesHerMan (Jul 28, 2011)

It was always normal for us to have a great sex life, and I would go so far as to say it is the glue that keeps our marriage strong. Staying connected sexually helps us overcome resentments, petty quarrels, and bonds two very different people together.

We are a very good match emotionally--both have love languages of words of affirmation and touch, so it was never difficult to make each other feel loved in a way that we could appreciate.

My husband is very romantic, and I love mush, so we keep the fires burning that way. I admire and respect him, and he makes me a priority in his life. He knows how to show his affection with little gestures that mean so much to me. We are both passionate people, and love to express that to each other.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

I have always been a very Romantic - "wrapped up in my man"- life is about "togetherness" type woman.....For me.....living would be colorless without* Romance *in it ....I had to have my hearty slice of that....and we all know Romance inevitably leads to the deepest rushing feelings of desire, culminating in passionate SEX! There is no way I could ever hate sex -unless I got a brain injury.

Though, unfortunetly.... I did get side tracked in our marraige with kids & left him on the back burner for a time.... 

But even then.... I still craved sex terribly at least once a week ..... I was so "turned on" when we got into it, swimming in his kisses, it was over way too damn fast, we couldn't help it..I remember thinking there is no feeling on his earth to = this... the highest of the high........Looking back....we could have done so much more. My mind seemed to be going in 10 different directions back then or something. I consider myself HD, probably always was ....but the brain wasn't in touch with the vixen within. 

I am absolutely sure the #1 reason I want to take my husband down all the time.....is because of how he treats me....I know he wants me too D).....plus I am addicted to orgasms. (who doesn't love pleasure [email protected]#$%^&)

This would be quite the issue if my marraige sucked.. This is why I know I would never be able to remain with a LOW DRIVE man who rejected me, I would say "screw that" - I am leaving you!

On the other hand...I would feel sick, hollow, and desperately hurt if I questioned my husbands feelings for me.... He doesn't have to be perfect, we can have issues , some conflict, fight now & then....but the stars DO need to align ...in his LOVE for me, I need to know I am his one & only... we are in this together- whatever the H we might be dealing with.... he is not sleeping with me while thinking of a co-worker or an old flame, that sort of heart betrayal. 

Couples can stay together for vows, play house & push themselves to please each other having sex ...but if the heart is filled with ugly emotions & has jumped over the fence to daydreaming about another...what is the "screw" worth...it is devoid of the emotional at that time.... Masterbating alone would be superior. How tragic when one starts to feel this way!

Any kind of difficult hard emotions not delt with can destroy a giving emotionally connected passion - with our spouse. 

That's how I feel. It is that important.


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

This thread has been an eye opener for me. As I said, I'm sure things like this have been mentioned in a round about way, but i just thought i would take it from a different angle; instead of "Why does my wife not want sex," I wondered, "Why do some wives want sex regularly and seem to have no problem with it?" 

I can understand things temporarily putting a damper on sexual desire, like stress, being overworked, health issues, etc. I'm sure if one has the flu for three days and is bedridden, I'm sure sex could take a back seat. But I never understood how someone who is married, healthy, and leading a fairly typical life could not want sex on some kind of regular basis with their partner. How does one's body just shut down and not want sex? 

I wasn't in a marriage where we had sex only once a year, but even after we married, she quickly got down to once a week, and down from there. She could often go 6 weeks without showing a sign of sexual needs. The weird part is that when we did do it, she acted like she really enjoyed it. She would even make a flirty comment about it the next morning, but that didn't seem to make her want it more often. I could count on one hand the times we did it two days in a row. She even acted like anyone wanting sex often was a bit weird. If we had sex on Monday, for example, especially if there was something a little above and beyond about it, she acted like that should satisfy me for a long time. If I was in the mood again Wednesday or Thursday she would say something like, "what's the matter with you, we just did it Monday." She did say that in a sweet way, but still. 

Whenever she was in the mood, however, she didn't act like turning her down was an option. I was married to her for 18 years and never knew what turned her on, and yes, I asked. I know that sounds silly, but it's the truth. There were no things that was a sure fire turn on to her. She might suddenly be in the mood after we went to bed and might say, "I thought it was sweet when you said you liked my hair." I'm thinking, "I've told you a thousand time before that I liked your hair and it never got a reaction.

After we had children, they were rarely away from us. A few times when they were at grandma's or something at night, I thought that was a great opportunity for us. But she would rather watch tv or something and act like i was a nut for thinking we might have sex since the kids were gone.

It's refreshing to see that some women enjoy sex as a norm and it's not a chore and the husband doesn't have to be perfect.


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## LovesHerMan (Jul 28, 2011)

Do you think that her desire for sex was determined by her cycle? Sounds like that would have been a very difficult thing to change.


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

Normal for me... and no, I don't understand LD women or LD men. 

I'm 49, H is 55.... we have daily, mind-blowing sex... no complaints.

My ex (married 23 years) talked HD, but only delivered once a week. And the last years were only physical. So ya, I can go both ways. 

Sex is NEVER a chore.... I know it will work for me, and I HOPE it works as well for him, and of course I try to make that happen everytime. I also don't understand women who use child care as an excuse not to have sex. To me, that is comparing apples and oranges.... being tired from chasing kids, sure.... unwinding and then getting wound up with sex is the cure! 

I like sex when I'm tired, winds me down. I like sex when I wake up...gets me going. I like sex when I'm sad....comforts me. I like sex when I'm angry.... (ok, I can't remember the last time I was angry)...but it USED to just be fun to have rambunctious angry sex, like an outlet. I like it when I'm happy, headachey, mushy, ....whatever. Sounds very emotional... but I can still enjoy it without the emotional connection. It's just a different level.


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## kag123 (Feb 6, 2012)

I am at the mercy of my cycle. I don't know if it will always be this way, but I have been completely off BC for 2.5 years now. During my mid week, I want sex 3+ times a day. I don't really care what else is going on in my life or his, I need sex. The world could be exploding and I wouldn't let that stop us.

During all other weeks, I have a take-it-or-leave it drive. I keep it consistent for his benefit but its one of those things I have to write myself a post it note to do. Doesn't mean I don't enjoy it once we get started, but I wont have that spontaneous desire. During those times I can be affected by something going on in our relationship. If he's been an exceptional @ss that day, I will probably postpone sex until I am less angry. Its not about punishing him, its about not wanting to be close to someone who did something so ugly. Doesn't happen often (though it's been happening more lately...hit a rough patch). 

I think you have to be truly HD to not let anything get in your way.

I can understand a LD viewpoint.
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## Coffee Amore (Dec 15, 2011)

southbound said:


> There are a ton of threads here from husbands who are frustrated because their wife has a low sex drive, and I'm sure this has been answered somewhat in response to the LD threads, but what about the women here who enjoy frequent, spicy sex with their husband. Is it something that just seems normal for you and you never gave it much thought, or does it take a lot of relationship work to do it? Do you ever wonder why some women have low drives, or does it make perfect sense to you? Do you feel your husband has shortcomings but it just doesn't bother you enough to decrease your drive like it would some women, or is your husband just great at being great and, therefore, it keeps your drive going. Could you have sex just for the physical enjoyment, or are there always emotional needs that need to be met?
> 
> Whew! I know that is a lot of questions, but I'm just trying to add wrinkles to my brain when it comes to relationships.


I've read posts from female TAM posters who correlate getting help with housework with providing sex. I'm not one of those women who needs the dishes washed and the carpet vacuumed in order to have sex. Frankly, I don't see a connection between a clean home and sex. My mind doesn't work that way and I'm not making a value judgment about those who think that way. It's just not me. If I have sex it's because I'm turned on and I want it. I don't care if the house is messy.

Everyone has minor faults and shortcomings. I know I do. My H does. But if he gets me turned on, I'm good to go. He's so giving and generous in bed as he is in other parts of our shared lives that I don't deny him. Denying him would be shooting myself in the foot because I'd be depriving myself of a good time too. I don't throw the baby out with the bath water. 

I can have sex for the physical enjoyment. However, I need to be emotionally connected to the person so I'm not one of those people who could have NSA sex or friends with benefits type sex. I need to be attracted to my H to have sex. He's strong in the areas where he needs to be and a nice guy in the areas where he needs to be. He's a good mix of alpha and beta. He's no pushover and I like that. I also like that he's not domineering and into playing mind games. It also helps greatly that he's fit. He's had pretty much the same weight as when I've met him. The physical attraction is a huge part of me wanting to have sex with him. 

Like SA, there was a period in my life where I was in Super Mommy mode. Everything I did revolved around my role as a mom so I had little personal time for my husband. Gradually, I came to the realization, after some not so subtle hints from my H, that I was ignoring us as a couple. I realized we had gone from a couple centric marriage to a kid centric marriage. So I took it upon myself to change the dynamic in our marriage.


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

I've always been cyclical...mid-cycle and I can have spontaneous desire and it comes more easily. I think about it more, have a physical urge for it more, come after him more. 

Outside of that time my physical desire drops off a lot (now in perimenopause the drop is really noticeable to me and can be very abrupt). During those times I think about it less, I don't have a physical urge for it, and I need a bit of help from him to start things.

I am also greatly affected by my physical condition - so fatigue, sleeplessness, illness - do a really bad number on my physical desire levels... and then it can take me some time to get back 'in to the groove' if I have gotten out of it.

I have noticed that for myself, the more consistently we do have sex, the better and easier it is. For me, the main driver is not physical, but mostly emotional. I crave that emotional connection with him and that drives me more than my body.

But, it seems like keeping things consistent all the time from a purely physical perspective has been more difficult at the stage of life I am in ... so we 'go with the flow'. I have some months where I will feel that high physical desire all month long, and the next month ... nothing. So, I try to 'ignore' my body and its signals, or lack thereof, and instead focus more on him ... using my mind and emotions to propel my 'drive'.


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

SunnyT said:


> Sex is NEVER a chore.... I know it will work for me, and I HOPE it works as well for him, and of course I try to make that happen everytime. I also don't understand women who use child care as an excuse not to have sex. To me, that is comparing apples and oranges.... being tired from chasing kids, sure.... unwinding and then getting wound up with sex is the cure!
> 
> I like sex when I'm tired, winds me down. I like sex when I wake up...gets me going. I like sex when I'm sad....comforts me. I like sex when I'm angry.... (ok, I can't remember the last time I was angry)...but it USED to just be fun to have rambunctious angry sex, like an outlet. I like it when I'm happy, headachey, mushy, ....whatever. Sounds very emotional... but I can still enjoy it without the emotional connection. It's just a different level.


You're comments are things that sound normal; maybe I've read too many RedBook articles while waiting in the doctor's office, but my wife was the opposite. Sex din't make things right for her, everything had to be right first. She didn't want to when she was tired, or sad, or with a slight headache. And I've heard people talk of "make-up" sex; she thought the idea of that was crazy. Her emotions and environment had to first be perfect before she could be in the mood. 



kag123 said:


> I am at the mercy of my cycle. I don't know if it will always be this way, but I have been completely off BC for 2.5 years now. During my mid week, I want sex 3+ times a day. I don't really care what else is going on in my life or his, I need sex. The world could be exploding and I wouldn't let that stop us.
> 
> During all other weeks, I have a take-it-or-leave it drive. I keep it consistent for his benefit but its one of those things I have to write myself a post it note to do. Doesn't mean I don't enjoy it once we get started, but I wont have that spontaneous desire. During those times I can be affected by something going on in our relationship. If he's been an exceptional @ss that day, I will probably postpone sex until I am less angry. Its not about punishing him, its about not wanting to be close to someone who did something so ugly. Doesn't happen often (though it's been happening more lately...hit a rough patch).
> 
> ...


That makes sense. It seems like with you there are times when you're not as "in the mood," but would still enjoy it once you were there. If I were a butt for a day, I could understand her not being in the mood, but I could realize it and make a point to be prince charming for a month and it didn't seem to help.

My x always seemed to enjoy sex when we were doing it, but getting her in the mood was the killer. I've had women tell me that there are times when they are not in the mood, but they are open to their husband trying to get them in the mood and seeing what happens, but not her. She was either "In the mood" or she wasn't. If she wasn't, no amount of anything was going to get her there.

I'm not trying to get people to diagnose my x, I just have a lot of personal examples of LD with her that i can offer. I hear some women say there are times when their body isn't in the mood, but in their mind, they want sex. I think my wife was satisfied in her mind that she was LD. She wasn't interested in trying to change anything.


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

southbound said:


> My x always seemed to enjoy sex when we were doing it, but getting her in the mood was the killer. I've had women tell me that there are times when they are not in the mood, but they are open to their husband trying to get them in the mood and seeing what happens, but not her. She was either "In the mood" or she wasn't. If she wasn't, no amount of anything was going to get her there.


There's a wide variety of sexual expression and sexual desire that's entirely normal, in my opinion. Women's desire, I believe, can be more complex than a man's. But, that also allows her to have the capability of having a much richer experience, imho. I tell my husband that what I wasn't given on the front-end, I have been blessed with on the back-end. 

The following is a good article ... maybe your wife fit into the 'responsive' desire category... someone who responds more than being spontaneous. I think many women fit into this category.

The Truth about Female Desire | Psychology Today

I don't think you can look at female sexuality and 'judge' it by a male standard (and vice versa). They are just different. And many women, maybe like your wife, do judge themselves against that standard and if they are not spontaneously desirous they assume it's just a no-go because they aren't 'in the mood.' That's too bad she wasn't willing to try and GET 'in the mood' with you.

Ah, the joys of marriage for many is to try and overcome those differences, appreciate those differences, learn to 'work' those differences for the betterment of both.


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## dream_weaver (Jun 5, 2012)

I have a HD & so did my ex but things changed & I stopped wanting sex with him when he stopped showering regularly & his personal hygeine took a nose dive.If he wanted sex he would have a shower at that time but was going days between showering I didn't even want to sleep next to him let alone be intimate.....

My new partner has much better hygeine so we can get it going on whenever without worrying about showers beforehand.....let me tell you that was a real killer in my marriage.

My new partner's wife had a LD so he didn't have much before me then he's like WHOAH when I came along....I like sex most days sometimes more than once & usually wake him up with a BJ.


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Late to the party -- I was fairly LD in my twenties because I had not dealt with some childhood sexual abuse. Oh, I thought I had, because I knew everything when I was 23, but I had not.

Fortunately it's all been uphill since then, and once I hit about 45, I turned into a 17-year old boy, sexually speaking. Now -- are there times when I'm not really in the mood? Occasionally, but mostly I find that once we get going I'm right there ready to rumble. If I'm not, I have a good enough marraige that I can just say, sorry, not tonight (or this morning, or whenever).


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## dream_weaver (Jun 5, 2012)

Lamaga-similar story to you,I'm now in my 40's & feel the same but I thought it was just because of having a new partner...it is nice to find that my sex drive has come back...thought I was LD but it was what was going on with the ex obviously.Welcome to the naughty forties :smthumbup:


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

We're the lucky ones, dreamweaver! I hear about women completely losing their drive in their 40's etc, and I think....i'm so lucky!


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

southbound said:


> I meant shortcomings as a person overall. It just seems like women loose interest sometimes and it's because their husband isn't giving them emotional needs in everyday life, yet husbands don't often seem to realize it. I just wondered if there were women who liked sex with their husband and it didn't depend on him keeping the planets in perfect alignment; it appears there are.


Of course there are.... lets see... am having my third baby in the course of four years.... (Getting the shot after this though lmao) and when not preggy.. I'm very HD so no matter what was going on, be i angry at hubby, depressed, ect... I could NOT go ONE day without jumping on his pogo stick! Not ONE. I'd be on him at LEAST once a day. This could be because i have some sort of hormonal overload though or something...


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

As You Wish said:


> have noticed that my drive seems to have increased as I've aged.


ok... i seen this alot posted here... and it has me a bit worried... Maybe I should look into something to decrease my drive... am starting to feel like a nympho :/


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## moxy (Apr 2, 2012)

If it were up to me, stbxh and I would have sex twice a day. Alas, I could only get it out of him twice a month because he was getting it every day elsewhere. I spent a lot of time feeling enormously frustrated because I'm not disloyal and was dissatisfied, so I felt very deeply betrayed by his choices -- firstly because he was cheating and secondly because he was cheating so much while leaving me to suffer which was at my expense. Feeling so rejected has killed my sex drive and while I could have lots of NSA sex if I wanted, I find myself disinclined. I always want it, but I'm emotionally paralyzed about seeking it out now. Sex drives are impacted by all kinds of things -- innate disposition, confidence, hormone and diet, hydration levels, emotional connection, stress. Figuring out what you generally want is a good place to start so you can consider what factors are causing you to vary. And, in my opinion, it should be one of the first thing that spouses talk about because arguments over sex and money are the two main things that can kill an otherwise good relationship.


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

lovesherman said:


> Do you think that her desire for sex was determined by her cycle? Sounds like that would have been a very difficult thing to change.


She was on the pill, which "I've heard can affect drive. She was on it shortly before we married. The doctor actually put her on it because she had such a rough time every month and he thought it would ease that. So, she was on the pill our entire 18 year marriage. 

Some women even told her that being on it so long could be affecting her so much that it was even changing how she viewed things and, thus, making a divorce seem like what she wanted. One lady told her that she went through a stage where she had no desire for her husband at all, not sexually or otherwise. She said she went off the pill, and in about two months she was starting to feel like her old self again. But my x didn't want to believe it. This lady begged her to get off the pill and just "try it," see if it makes a difference, but she wasn't interested.


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

southbound said:


> She was on the pill, which "I've heard can affect drive. She was on it shortly before we married. The doctor actually put her on it because she had such a rough time every month and he thought it would ease that. So, she was on the pill our entire 18 year marriage.
> 
> Some women even told her that being on it so long could be affecting her so much that it was even changing how she viewed things and, thus, making a divorce seem like what she wanted. One lady told her that she went through a stage where she had no desire for her husband at all, not sexually or otherwise. She said she went off the pill, and in about two months she was starting to feel like her old self again. But my x didn't want to believe it. This lady begged her to get off the pill and just "try it," see if it makes a difference, but she wasn't interested.


Wow..... :/


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## moxy (Apr 2, 2012)

The pill does mess with the libido. I'm sorry that your wife wouldn't even consider stopping it.


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

moxy said:


> The pill does mess with the libido. I'm sorry that your wife wouldn't even consider stopping it.


thanks for the thought. Does anyone else agree that the pill could affect women's thinking? I'm not saying it takes over the mind like you are possessed with a demon, but can it change hormones so much that you feel like you don't love someone anymore and think you have to get out? 

I have had several women share personal stories like that. A lady that I work with said she went through a weird time when her husband said she acted totally different. She got off the pill and she also said she got back to her old self in a few months. She says she would never touch the pill again.


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## Pandakiss (Oct 29, 2010)

I'm HD, so it seems natural to me. I always want sex. We have had some bullsh!t years. But we still had sex, and oral sex. 

The longest we went was prob a month Someone was sick, he had a different work schedule, we just somehow forgot....

But then we make up for it many times over. The next longest time was when we were homeless. 

My drive is higher for sex, his is higher for bjs.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

southbound said:


> Is it something that just seems normal for you and you never gave it much thought, or does it take a lot of relationship work to do it?



I’ve always been HD and love sex. For me it does not take a lot of relationship work for there to be sex. 

I love how it makes me feel, during and after. And I love making my partner feel good, very good. Doing this for him makes sex more enjoyable for me.

When I was younger I did not think about it because I thought that everyone was the same. I know better now.



southbound said:


> Do you ever wonder why some women have low drives, or does it make perfect sense to you?



Yea I’ve wondered why some women have low drives. I also wonder why some men have low drives. I do not understand it and feel badly for them as they are missing something very good in life.

But let’s remember that just because a person refuses to have sex often (or ever) with their spouse might not mean that they are low drive. They might be getting their needs met elsewhere.

There are many different reasons why a person might be LD or refuse sex, too many to list here. All I can say is what a waste of one’s life to do this. And what a horrible abuse to visit on one’s spouse.




southbound said:


> Do you feel your husband has shortcomings but it just doesn't bother you enough to decrease your drive like it would some women, or is your husband just great at being great and, therefore, it keeps your drive going.



Everyone has shortcomings. As long as there is not abuse why let silly things get in the way of a good roll in the hay?

That said, when things got really bad in the marriage I got to the point where I would not have sex with my husband. But we are talking about his adultery and emotional/physical abuse. And at that point I was ready to leave the marriage and did.



southbound said:


> Could you have sex just for the physical enjoyment, or are there always emotional needs that need to be met?


If sex in marriage was only for physical enjoyment I think I would not like that. But yea, sometimes it’s a very emotional and intimate thing. And sometimes it’s just a physical thing. A good sex life is like a good piece of music, there are many notes, some high, some low and a lot in between… each never exactly the same.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

LadyFrogFlyAway said:


> If it's a chore it's the nicest one I've ever had.


No kidding! 

Let's see, 
clean the kitchen? have sex?
scrub the floor? have sex?
dust the house? have sex?
clean the toilet? have sex?

HAVE SEX!!!

It's a no brainer :smthumbup:


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

southbound said:


> thanks for the thought. Does anyone else agree that the pill could affect women's thinking? I'm not saying it takes over the mind like you are possessed with a demon, but can it change hormones so much that you feel like you don't love someone anymore and think you have to get out?
> 
> I have had several women share personal stories like that. A lady that I work with said she went through a weird time when her husband said she acted totally different. She got off the pill and she also said she got back to her old self in a few months. She says she would never touch the pill again.


I tried the pill when I was in my early 20's. It made me feel like I was PMSing all the time. I hated it so I stopped taking it.


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

EleGirl said:


> Everyone has shortcomings. As long as there is not abuse why let silly things get in the way of a good roll in the hay?
> 
> That said, when things got really bad in the marriage I got to the point where I would not have sex with my husband. But we are talking about his adultery and emotional/physical abuse. And at that point I was ready to leave the marriage and did.


I wouldn't blame you, I always thought adultery and abuse were deal breakers; I don't think i would have liked myself very much if i had done that. that's why I was so puzzled by our divorce. 




EleGirl said:


> I tried the pill when I was in my early 20's. It made me feel like I was PMSing all the time. I hated it so I stopped taking it.


The effect it had on my x wife was that it just practically eliminated all signs of her period. Her time each month was very brief and "light", as she described it. I only knew because she would mention it. There were no mood swings, no cramps, nothing. She liked it that way, which I don't blame her, but I just wonder if that is normal.


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## dream_weaver (Jun 5, 2012)

I changed pills & the new one I'm on doesn't affect my libido...I also have zero period while on it too so even better!


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

I would never remember when to take the pill.. that and i hate taking pills anyway... so I plan on getting the shot.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

> *Southbound said *: Some women even told her that being on it so long could be affecting her so much that it was even changing how she viewed things and, thus, making a divorce seem like what she wanted. One lady told her that she went through a stage where she had no desire for her husband at all, not sexually or otherwise. She said she went off the pill, and in about two months she was starting to feel like her old self again. But my x didn't want to believe it. This lady begged her to get off the pill and just "try it," see if it makes a difference, but she wasn't interested.


OMG YES.....Southbound ....the freaking PILL.... I would think if she was already kinda low, that would kick her into zero desire. For those who are higher to begin with, it may lower it some, but not to zero. That was likely the biggest killer of her libido ..... I recall a thread on here from a lady who , when she stopped, she was suddenly going crazy mad for sex, it was the best thing that ever happened to her marriage...she was kicking herself for putting her husband through all of those years of frustration & just not being into it .... and suddenly got a taste of what he was dealing with. It was a fasinating read , but not sure I can find it again. 

I personally NEVER wanted anything to do with hormonal birth control...just reading those side effects was enough to steer me clear. 

Darn ....her friend was trying to talk some sense into her and she just ignored her...what a shame! 

Read some of these women's stories....

sex help: The pill has absolutely ruined my relationship with my husband. - Help.com

Some quick comments on this site here: Please Advise: My Girlfriend's Sex Drive Disappeared | Nerve.com



> girlJ
> *1.* Is she on birth control? The Pill ruined my libido. I was behaving somewhat like your fiancée until I switched to a pill with a higher androgen profile. This resulted in a significant uptick in sexual desire. You can find information on the androgen levels of various pills online, and if the one she is on is in the lower half of the spectrum, talk to her about switching to one on the higher end of it.
> 
> EN
> ...


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Gaia said:


> I would never remember when to take the pill.. that and i hate taking pills anyway... so I plan on getting the shot.


If you think you are done having kids (?? ) or want to wait a good 5 yrs of more, have you considered Paragard, the non-hormonal IUD, once that is inserted (2 minutes in the Obgyn's office), it is good for up to 12 long years, you don't need to do a thing... no pills, no hormones, no mess , no shots...and complete protection. 

I think it is the finest birth control on the market for a woman who is monogomous. LOVE mine, one of the best things I ever did and it is not pernament either. I would never get those shots, they have side effects as well and can still affect your libido. 

Not trying to be pushy- but seriously I love my IUD ! God Bless that thing!  Ha ha I wanted mine so bad, I had it inserted on the way home from my last C-section before the baby & me even got home. 

Is ParaGard® Right for Me? | ParaGard® (copper intrauterine contraceptive)


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

SimplyAmorous said:


> If you think you are done having kids (?? ) or want to wait a good 5 yrs of more, have you considered Paragard, the non-hormonal IUD, once that is inserted (2 minutes in the Obgyn's office), it is good for up to 12 long years, you don't need to do a thing... no pills, no hormones, no mess , no shots...and complete protection.
> 
> I think it is the finest birth control on the market for a woman who is monogomous. LOVE mine, one of the best things I ever did and it is not pernament either. I would never get those shots, they have side effects as well and can still affect your libido.
> 
> ...


This was years ago so it was a much more old-fashion IUD.... I had to have it removed because it caused me problems. The doc who removed it told me that he has delivered plenty of babies who came out holding an IUD in their hand. Don't know if the new ones have a better success rate. I wonder?


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

What's the mystery? Just as there's an enormous variation in the type of sexual response people have there's a wide range of desire to have sex. For each individual, whatever they are and do is normal. The problem is when that conflicts with their partner.


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

Runs like Dog said:


> What's the mystery? Just as there's an enormous variation in the type of sexual response people have there's a wide range of desire to have sex. For each individual, whatever they are and do is normal. The problem is when that conflicts with their partner.


I have described the mystery that I have in various posts.


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

southbound said:


> There are a ton of threads here from husbands who are frustrated because their wife has a low sex drive, and I'm sure this has been answered somewhat in response to the LD threads, but what about the women here who enjoy frequent, spicy sex with their husband. Is it something that just seems normal for you and you never gave it much thought, or does it take a lot of relationship work to do it? Sex comes naturally and I think about it ALL THE TIME.
> 
> Do you ever wonder why some women have low drives, or does it make perfect sense to you? I can understand not wanting to be intimate with an inconsiderate or abusive husband. Other than that, I don't understand LD women. Do you feel your husband has shortcomings but it just doesn't bother you enough to decrease your drive like it would some women, or is your husband just great at being great and, therefore, it keeps your drive going. Every husband has shortcomings, nobody is perfect. Even when we are arguing, we still make love. Life is too short and sex encourages bonding. Could you have sex just for the physical enjoyment, or are there always emotional needs that need to be met?When I was single, I had sex for fun when I was between boyfriends. Now sex is about enjoyment and meeting of desires.
> 
> Whew! I know that is a lot of questions, but I'm just trying to add wrinkles to my brain when it comes to relationships.


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## karma*girl (Apr 28, 2012)

Things do not need to be perfect for us to have sex- we both are on the HD side for the most part, however, if one of us isn't happy with something the other has done, we both respond by pulling back & not wanting sex for a bit. (There are many things that have the power to keep my desire for him high though..)

My H is interesting because he won't want it if we aren't connected..he says he can't get into it if we aren't getting along...totally understandable.
I'm the same, but I thought that was more typical for women. 

As far as housework goes, it's not that I won't have sex if he doesn't 'help with the dishes', but it's the 'taken for granted' aspect of that, that festers beneath that lack of help that would cause me to pull back. However, I'm often horny, regardless. I'll just take care of myself in times like these- actually, that time is now, so... I need to get going
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

southbound said:


> There are a ton of threads here from husbands who are frustrated because their wife has a low sex drive, and I'm sure this has been answered somewhat in response to the LD threads, but what about the women here who enjoy frequent, spicy sex with their husband.
> 
> Is it something that just seems normal for you and you never gave it much thought, or does it take a lot of relationship work to do it?
> 
> ...



Hello,
This is Mrs. SandC

I think that to have a wonderful time with sex, enjoy it and do it often requires some relationship work to make it happen. That is the foundation of great sex.

Women that enjoy it often are usually secure with their husbands e.g. knows that he loves her wholeheartedly, takes care of all her needs and will sacrifice things for her. Sex is for physical enjoyment and for need of intimacy. It is an way in which both give and receive love, sort of a seal to that love. Unconditional love to your husband would cover most if not all of his shortcomings. 

- C


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

EleGirl said:


> This was years ago so it was a much more old-fashion IUD.... I had to have it removed because it caused me problems. The doc who removed it told me that he has delivered plenty of babies who came out holding an IUD in their hand. Don't know if the new ones have a better success rate. I wonder?


Our last 5 ... I got pregnant on the 1st or 2nd attempt ...every time....once I got mine inserted...it has been flawless....we gave it a good test drive in the last 3 yrs to prove it's effectiveness. 

Nothing is 100% ...experts say... even the pill, many of Mom's learned some antibiotics = a surprise pregnancy, never missed a pill. I know 4 moms with that surprise. Even know one who's husband got cut... it can even happen with Tubes being tied....unless you get them cut tied & burned. What can you [email protected]#$%6. 

I've read the Dalcon Shield (the old one) got a really bad reputation which has tainted the IUD for years...... this NEW one is better, improved, I forget the issue the other had but this one does not carry it I guess. I researched so much of this before I made my final decision. My aunt had one before she even had a baby... for like 10 yrs, had it taken out & had her one & only child at age 42. Worked like a charm for her. 

They are never recommended for those who may have more than 1 partner though......higher risk for Pelvic inflammatory Disease..if any infections are passed along, or diseases. I'd say this is the biggest risk factor...or if you are allergic to copper -that wouldn't be working. 

But if you are with 1 man, I don't think this can be topped for a reversible birth control in this day & age. If it works with your body, that is.


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## River1977 (Oct 25, 2010)

I hate coming in on the 4th or 5th page because I don't know if this has already been said, so please forgive if it has. I'm too lazy to read all the pages. LOL



southbound said:


> When I hear it said that some women look at sex as a chore, I wonder how something so pleasurable and fun could be a chore.


First, I don't think you should describe the act of sex, or even think of it, in terms of it being and feeling the same for everyone. It is pleasurable to you, so you think it and describe it as if it is pleasurable for everyone. I'm afraid it's not. Whenever you think of men and women having sex, you are thinking of the good time you have when you do, how good it feels to you, and that it is pleasurable for them like it's pleasurable for you. But that's neither fair nor accurate in all cases. 

By the same token, you can't expect, think, or assume sex was as pleasurable for your (ex)wife when the two of you had sex. You can't think she experienced the same pleasure you did while you were feeling it to be so pleasurable. 

Maybe that is at least one thing about how people view sex, particularly in all the threads and responses where people say they don't understand a woman not wanting sex, as well as the ones that expect women and tell women to "just do it." It's not nearly so simple and in some cases, it is just bad advice despite the reason being that their man needs sex. Oftentimes, their man is the reason they don't want sex and are LD. But, I won't get into that. I just want to address some of the ways sex is different for men and women because I really think most men think it is the same for both, as they, like yourself, southbound, feel it is something so fun and pleasurable and can't understand why some (if not many) women feel the way they feel. If it were so fun and pleasurable for all women, there wouldn't be nearly as many LD women because they'd want that fun and pleasure more often. Even if they were LD, they'd still want the pleasure because desire is not always based on hormones. Whether or not their homones make them desire sex like they do at certain times of the month or as often as testosterone makes men desire sex, they would still want to experience how good sex feels........if it does feel good. But, it doesn't for all women, it doesn't feel the same for all women, and it definitely doesn't feel good or pleasurable for women in the same way(s) that it feels good and pleasurable for men. So, you can't blanket the whole world of women with an opinion that applies to you based on what you find to be fun and pleasurable. You probably also drink beverages that I hate........and women don't have your p*nis.

One way that men and women differ is the gentials themselves. The act of sex - the in and out motion - causes friction, and that is very stimulating (feels good and is pleasurable) for men. However, there is nothing inside a woman's vagina that friction stimulates. Men need friction, but women need pressure to her pressure points. There are different zones where, unless pressure is applied, she derives little or no pleasure from the act. 

A lot of men don't know or understand that. I'd say I've had as many boyfriends (including the two who later became my husband) who did as did not understand our physical differences. Those who didn't know thought I was having as much fun as they were having just because they were humping me and enjoying themselves and I was performing. Of those that didn't know, there were one or two who possessed awesome oral skills but after that, the balance of our sessions served no purpose for me. A lot of women have the same experience. As a result, I wanted, desired, craved oral sex with these guys, but I never desired intercourse with them. I accepted that was part of the deal, but holding up my end of the bargain was a chore. I felt for these guys however I felt - loved them or liked them a lot - but my sex drive was affected according to how fun and pleasurable our love making was not.

Another way sex is different for men and women is the size of the man. (Because I'm not talking about any men who, for some reason, find no fun or pleasure in sex) I expect it's safe to say that sex is fun and pleasurable to all men small, average, and large since the stimulus (friction) is the same during the act of intercouse (yes, I know not women are the same size and that she needs to act enthusiastic). This is the age-old question of "does size matter?" For me (and most other women on this board who have responded to that question), the answer is "no, size does not matter." Or rather, it doesn't have to matter. A man's size is as much in his head as his actual organ if he doesn't know or understand how women derive pleasure (her zones). I had two boyfriends who were not much bigger than my thumb. Sex with one was miserable, while sex with the other was as intense, passionate, fun, and pleasurable as it could be with any man. I enjoyed our love making immensely and eagerly looked forward to our sessions. The converse of my earlier example is that he and I did not engage in oral sex at all, so what I desired was intercourse with him.

I've never been a HD woman. However, I have never said "no" never rejected my husband (neither of them) or boyfriend (except the one who mistreated me) because I liked that he wanted me and knew I'd get into it once we began. But, I have to say I did before feel sex was a chore. That was with my first husband. We were both young and inexperienced. I was his first, and he was my second. He was quite enjoying his new world, while I was performing what I supposed was my duty. I don't blame him because neither of us knew anything about what we were doing where my needs were concerned, so sex was a chore.

The thing is, there are men your age, older, younger than you who never mature enough to learn, and there are women who never mature enough to learn themselves either. Therefore, and again, it is neither fair nor accurate to say or even wonder why some women don't want sex. These are just a few of my own experiences. There are women who wonder what all the fuss is about. What I automatically think is they've never had their world rocked as I have (and as I do [with my husband] LOL). I've even read some women here say they don't like oral, and I think they just never had it done to them right. But, I could be wrong on both accounts because I don't live in their skin. It's wrong to think every woman finds sex good and enjoyable or fun and pleasurable. I've been wanton, I've been turned off, and I've been bored, so I can understand all of those conditions. Even though a woman loves her man, wants to be with him, and wants to marry him doesn't mean sex with him is not a chore if sex is a chore for whatever reason.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

Once I realized my needs have always been met, my drive went through the roof. 

The only time I've ever really been LD was after I broke my neck and had surgery. The pain has always been unbearable and I was trying different ways and medications to get it under control. Once the pain was under control, I was out of control.

My husband was right there with me until things at work were stressful on his part. Hopefully this will calm down now that he officially got the promotion and he settles in his new position.

I'm very HD for over a year. If I'm not getting any, I'd like to know before hand, so I don't get upset. The worst is when we make plans to and then they suddenly change. Ugh, that feeling of being higher drive does not calm down for some time. I just have to remember to stay calm and not get upset.


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## Love Song (Jan 16, 2012)

I was masturbating long before I lost my virginity. So now that I am married my drive didn't slow down any. Actually it picked up. 


I think what you do before your in a relationship effects what you do when your in one. If your one of those women who never touched themselves and explored your vulva and vagina on your own then sex may be more of a turn off when your married.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

I have a normal to high sex drive, but it is largely dependent on chemistry and emotional intimacy. The necessary foreplay to make sex fulfilling and meaningful to me starts in my brain, and lack of emotional intimacy / connection would be an off switch.


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## Love Song (Jan 16, 2012)

southbound said:


> That's something I always wondered about my x wife. Unless there was a health issue, how does a healthy, young woman just go without desire. How could a living body be that sexually dead?


Our brains are our largest sexual organ meaning how we view sex largely affects our sex drive. A woman can stop herself from having an orgasm by how she feels or what she thinks. 

So the problem is on what a person thinks. If you think that sex has one purpose and that is to reproduce only then it will affect your sex drive. If you think having sex for any other reason then having kids means you aren't perfect and everyone's always expected you to be perfect then it will effect your sex drive.


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## Love Song (Jan 16, 2012)

southbound said:


> This thread has been an eye opener for me. As I said, I'm sure things like this have been mentioned in a round about way, but i just thought i would take it from a different angle; instead of "Why does my wife not want sex," I wondered, "Why do some wives want sex regularly and seem to have no problem with it?"
> 
> I can understand things temporarily putting a damper on sexual desire, like stress, being overworked, health issues, etc. I'm sure if one has the flu for three days and is bedridden, I'm sure sex could take a back seat. But I never understood how someone who is married, healthy, and leading a fairly typical life could not want sex on some kind of regular basis with their partner. How does one's body just shut down and not want sex?
> 
> ...



I think she did if for you only and put on a great act during sex. But I don't think she wanted it at all. 

Just as a way to compare i'll explain to you how I am
- I wait until my husband and I have time away from our son so we can get our grove on
- I know what I like and what I don't like and my husband knows too and uses it to his advantage 
- I'm high drive and can be satisfied with 3 times a week. (I would rather have it more but as a parent it's just not reasonable)

That's the difference between someone who enjoys sex and someone who doesn't. Just because your wife put on a performance during sex does not mean she wanted it. Lots of women put on an act (though I do not). I'm not trying to be harsh but trying to show you the reality of your situation IMO.


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

River1977 said:


> By the same token, you can't expect, think, or assume sex was as pleasurable for your (ex)wife when the two of you had sex. You can't think she experienced the same pleasure you did while you were feeling it to be so pleasurable.


I appreciate the time and in depth thought you put into this post and for presenting a different angle. Like I said, I am trying to learn. So, are you saying that sex for some healthy women can actually be uncomfortable or just blah?



River1977 said:


> I just want to address some of the ways sex is different for men and women because I really think most men think it is the same for both, as they, like yourself, southbound, feel it is something so fun and pleasurable and can't understand why some (if not many) women feel the way they feel. If it were so fun and pleasurable for all women, there wouldn't be nearly as many LD women because they'd want that fun and pleasure more often. Even if they were LD, they'd still want the pleasure because desire is not always based on hormones. Whether or not their homones make them desire sex like they do at certain times of the month or as often as testosterone makes men desire sex, they would still want to experience how good sex feels........if it does feel good. But, it doesn't for all women, it doesn't feel the same for all women, and it definitely doesn't feel good or pleasurable for women in the same way(s) that it feels good and pleasurable for men. So, you can't blanket the whole world of women with an opinion that applies to you based on what you find to be fun and pleasurable. You probably also drink beverages that I hate........and women don't have your p*nis.


Good points. As for the pleasure, the O is certainly the climax of the act, but honestly, I didn't want sex just for the O. When I fantasized about sex, I actually didn't think as much about the O as i did getting there. I enjoyed the sharing of bodies, the playfulness, the intimacy of it all, unlike some things that are done strictly for the direct physical pleasure. Like getting a professional massage for the direct pleasure. I wouldn't care how the person looked, dressed, or whether candles were lit, I would just want the pleasure of how it felt in the shoulders and back, but with sex, I liked the entire process; my body is just in a different mode.



River1977 said:


> One way that men and women differ is the gentials themselves. The act of sex - the in and out motion - causes friction, and that is very stimulating (feels good and is pleasurable) for men. However, there is nothing inside a woman's vagina that friction stimulates. Men need friction, but women need pressure to her pressure points. There are different zones where, unless pressure is applied, she derives little or no pleasure from the act.


My x was one who didn't climax through intercourse, but I always gave her clit stimulation with hands and orally, which she seemed to love. She also seemed to enjoy intercourse even though she didn't climax. There were times when I was giving clit stimulation and she would say, "I want to feel you inside me."



River1977 said:


> I've never been a HD woman. However, I have never said "no" never rejected my husband (neither of them) or boyfriend (except the one who mistreated me) because I liked that he wanted me and knew I'd get into it once we began.


That's one thing that I have noticed on this forum is that a lot of women do it because they enjoy pleasing their man, but she didn't seem to feel this way. I'm sure there were times she may have done it to please me, but it wasn't often. She didn't feel it was important to please me sexually. She even seemed puzzled that i was in the mood a lot. 



River1977 said:


> The thing is, there are men your age, older, younger than you who never mature enough to learn, and there are women who never mature enough to learn themselves either. Therefore, and again, it is neither fair nor accurate to say or even wonder why some women don't want sex. These are just a few of my own experiences. There are women who wonder what all the fuss is about. What I automatically think is they've never had their world rocked as I have (and as I do [with my husband] LOL).


I honestly believe I did rock her world, especially at times. There were times when she would have an orgasm and request more until she had two or three. So, I believe she did experience pleasure. But it didn't matter if we appeared to melt the paint off the bedroom walls, it still didn't change the frequency. I guess you'll just have to take my word for it that she did feel some pleasure once we were there, but obviously i can't say how she felt, only she knows. I guess that's the big puzzle for me, she seemed to enjoy it once there, but that didn't make her want it more often. 

Again, I guess you will just have to take my word for it, but I don't think it's her personality to fake it, nor do i think she could have faked it well. The way she acted during orgasm would have embarrassed her to fake. 

I also believe that if it was uncomfortable for her, she would have mentioned it. She knew me, and if she wanted to get out of sex, telling me there were problems would have made me understand her lack of desire rather than acting like she was exploding with pleasure. 

I'm not trying to argue any of your points, but just presenting my reaction concerning my x wife. I have really enjoyed and learned from you post and appreciate it. 



River1977 said:


> Even though a woman loves her man, wants to be with him, and wants to marry him doesn't mean sex with him is not a chore if sex is a chore for whatever reason.


I truly do believe she loved me, and the fact that I loved her made me want her.



River1977 said:


> Oftentimes, their man is the reason they don't want sex and are LD. But, I won't get into that.


Please expand, I would like to read what you think.


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## bubbly girl (Oct 11, 2011)

Right before I got married, my mother gave me this advice:

"If you want to keep your husband happy always keep his belly full and never tell him you have a headache."

LOL. She didn't need to worry about that. All these years, even through problems in our marriage, I always found my husband incredibly sexy. I love having sex with him. Sometimes, if I'm not in the mood or very tired, I know that once he gets me going I'll be into it.

To me sex fulfills many needs, but not necessarily all at once. Sometimes it's the emotional bond. Other times its just the primal animal release because we're so hot for each other, and yet other times it's just because I love him so much and pleasing him brings me pleasure. 

We have a lot of joking playfulness in our marriage too. Most of it revolves around sexual things. My husband, like many men, has a very crude sense of humor. I think it keeps things fun and interesting.

I even went through a frustrating period where I wanted sex and he was the one denying me. Thank goodness that's over and done with and he's back to wanting to have sex with me.

I just love having sex with my hubby period. It makes me feel loved and desired by him and it's just pure physical pleasure.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

southbound said:


> thanks for the thought. Does anyone else agree that the pill could affect women's thinking? I'm not saying it takes over the mind like you are possessed with a demon, but can it change hormones so much that you feel like you don't love someone anymore and think you have to get out?
> 
> I have had several women share personal stories like that. A lady that I work with said she went through a weird time when her husband said she acted totally different. She got off the pill and she also said she got back to her old self in a few months. She says she would never touch the pill again.


I think it depends on the woman. If it's being affecting my GF, I'd never be able to keep up with her if she goes off of it, as she's a "once a day" girl. She's also got a pituitary tumor that should be inhibiting her drive...

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## River1977 (Oct 25, 2010)

southbound said:


> I appreciate the time and in depth thought you put into this post and for presenting a different angle. Like I said, I am trying to learn. So, are you saying that sex for some healthy women can actually be uncomfortable or just blah?


I'm saying sex can be blah, yes, but that's not all (explained next). I'm not talking about discomfort. That would be a different subject.



southbound said:


> Good points. As for the pleasure, the O is certainly the climax of the act, but honestly, I didn't want sex just for the O. When I fantasized about sex, I actually didn't think as much about the O as i did getting there. I enjoyed the sharing of bodies, the playfulness, the intimacy of it all, unlike some things that are done strictly for the direct physical pleasure. Like getting a professional massage for the direct pleasure. I wouldn't care how the person looked, dressed, or whether candles were lit, I would just want the pleasure of how it felt in the shoulders and back, but with sex, I liked the entire process; my body is just in a different mode.


Yep, getting there is a lot of fun because it feels good, but not for all women. It feels good to a woman who is with a man who can make getting there feel good. Like I said, we women derive the pleasure from something different (pressure) than men derive the pleasure (friction). Therefore, if she doesn't receive the pressure to her erogenous zones (her G-spot and/or her A-spots), intercourse isn't pleasurable for her even though the in and out motion is a source of consistant pleasure for men. In a lot of cases, a woman still likes intercouse because there is still SOME pressure although not intentionally applied. Also in a lot of cases, women still like intercourse mainly because we enjoy HIS pleasure and pleasing him. One thing I have never been able to answer is why I so thoroughly enjoy his pleasure, especially when he cums. His orgasms feel astoundingly good to me. But, alas, there are a lot of women who get no pleasure at all from intercourse. I'm talking about those whose husband does not give her any pleasure during intercourse.



southbound said:


> My x was one who didn't climax through intercourse, but I always gave her clit stimulation with hands and orally, which she seemed to love. She also seemed to enjoy intercourse even though she didn't climax. There were times when I was giving clit stimulation and she would say, "I want to feel you inside me."


I hope you won't mind my response but since our discourse is for your edification, I won't refrain from comment. Please take no offense.

You speak of the pleasure of intercourse but state here that your ex didn't climax through intercourse. Would you want sex all the time without climax? Yes, getting there feels good, but what if you never got there? How would you feel? Every woman who does not have vaginal orgasms feel exactly that way......even if she still enjoys intercourse. The climax for them is his climax, as I explained how wonderful his orgasm feels. Still, it would be nice if she experienced a climax of the work and good feelings she put into and derived from the session, like you do. That she didn't orgasm doesn't mean she couldn't or didn't want to. It only means she didn't, and there is a sense of emptiness that accompanies. Like you stated of your ex, a lot of men have the same to confess.....and so do a lot of women. In fact, there are women who actually think they "cannot orgasm during intercourse" (in quotes because many have said it), but they know it would be nice if they did. I think every woman can, or practically every woman, if she and/or her man knew how to make her.



southbound said:


> That's one thing that I have noticed on this forum is that a lot of women do it because they enjoy pleasing their man, but she didn't seem to feel this way. I'm sure there were times she may have done it to please me, but it wasn't often. She didn't feel it was important to please me sexually. She even seemed puzzled that i was in the mood a lot.


I will guess that your ex was young and rather inexperienced. I will venture to say most women don't understand why their boyfriend/husband wants sex so often. I really think boards like this are the only reason women become enlightened. I was like your ex with my first husband. I didn't like him always wanting sex. I felt used, taken for granted, and objectified. It was like he expected me to have sex with him as if it was supposed to since I was his wife and just because I was there. Were I not there, he wouldn't be having sex because I was his first. I really hate there is such divide between men and woman a lot of times. I can't explain it and have no solution because I abhor anyone saying or thinking women should "just do it."



southbound said:


> I honestly believe I did rock her world, especially at times. There were times when she would have an orgasm and request more until she had two or three. So, I believe she did experience pleasure. But it didn't matter if we appeared to melt the paint off the bedroom walls, it still didn't change the frequency. I guess you'll just have to take my word for it that she did feel some pleasure once we were there, but obviously i can't say how she felt, only she knows. I guess that's the big puzzle for me, she seemed to enjoy it once there, but that didn't make her want it more often.


Again, please take no offense. If she didn't have vaginal orgasms, you didn't rock her world. That doesn't mean her orgasms were not rocking, as I'm sure they were. And, it was good of you to please her in that manner and care about her pleasure. But, it's not what "rock her world" means because she didn't have the entire experience. 



southbound said:


> Again, I guess you will just have to take my word for it, but I don't think it's her personality to fake it, nor do i think she could have faked it well. The way she acted during orgasm would have embarrassed her to fake.
> 
> I also believe that if it was uncomfortable for her, she would have mentioned it. She knew me, and if she wanted to get out of sex, telling me there were problems would have made me understand her lack of desire rather than acting like she was exploding with pleasure.
> 
> ...


I have no doubt she loved you and enjoyed sex with you. When talking about faking, it doesn't necessarily apply to orgasm. If a woman doesn't enjoy intercourse, she fakes it like she does enjoy it because she wants him to enjoy her. I'm not talking about you and your ex. I'm just saying in general.

Another thing is the emptiness and what I explained before about a woman not being all that enthused to do something they get nothing out of. I'm not saying your wife didn't enjoy intercourse. I'm saying she felt there was or should be more than she was getting out of it. I was like that with my first husband. Like I said, we were both inexperienced and knew nothing about my body and pleasing me. We didn't even know that women orgasm. All I knew was that I was always left feeling like there should be more to this. I had no idea what it was supposed to be, what it should be, or what it could be. I was just left empty. 

After my divorce, I began dating a guy who knew more than I (and my ex) knew and taught me a lot about my body. After orgasming for the first time by clitoral (orally) stimulation, I saw what I was missing. I enjoyed intercourse with him immensely because it felt good but still got nothing out of it. So, I began to think intercourse was just for men and truly resented that feeling. It's terrible for a woman to feel her purpose is only to serve his purpose. Once I experienced orgasm during intercourse, I didn't feel that way anymore, but a lot of women are left feeling empty even though sex does feel good.



southbound said:


> Please expand, I would like to read what you think.


I didn't want to get into that for a number of reasons. One is that there were a some references already made to the affects/effects of lack of attention and being abused/mistreated, so there was no point in me adding to that. Another reason I didn't want to is that there is no way I could possibly think of all the things guys do and say that turn women off. I can tell you my first husband almost always made me regret having sex with him. Being something so intimate and personal, a woman needs to believe her man respects her and appreciates her. When he said something assinine, I immediately regretted the night before until I didn't want to have sex with him anymore and left at my first opportunity. Respect is everything to me. 

I once knew a guy who made his girlfriend the butt of his jokes whenever they were among friends/family I don't know what he derived from putting her down like that except to make himself look good at her expense.

Those are personal (what he does to her person) ways men turn women off, and there are more, I'm sure. It behooves you to understand why it is a lot of women don't want to do something that feels so good. It behooves me to understand why so many men treat their girlfriend/wife like crap and expect her to want to have sex with him. What I REALLY will never understand are the women who still have sex with and stay married to men who treat them like crap.

There can also be things about a man (who he is), that turn women off. On the first page of your responses, a woman mentioned she can't stand for a guy to be a doormat. I'm the same way, and that was a really good example that I would never have thought to present here. 

Another turnoff for me is a guy who is a superior know-it-all and just argues pointlessly just to make me wrong.....even though he is not right. The only reason I have the presence of mind to mention it here is that I just read portions of a thread that reminded me of that kind of guy - entirely closed-minded and superior. Don't know if you have followed this thread, but the guy I'm talking about refuses to believe everyone telling him the female ejaculate is not urine and giving their reasons for being certain of their position.

I'm an intelligent woman who enjoys a good debate, but I would never marry the kind of guy in that thread, and we'd probably have sex exactly once LOL. His argument is based in neither logic nor fact. He's just maintaining his point because no one can answer what he considers the only logical question of the absense of a reservoir organ. Therefore, since there is no such organ, then the female ejactuate can only be urine. My question is: Who said there HAS to be a reservoir? It is absolutely possible the ejaculate is not stored but builds during or is produced and released at orgasm. I know it is not urine, and one of the reasons I know is that a woman cannot (surely I cannot) urinate that much that many times within such a short frame of time, yet I have as many (multiple) orgasms as my husband and I permit. Plus, I still have to use the bathroom after sex, like most or at least a lot of women do. Another reason I know is that it isn't possible for me to urinate during intercourse (believe me, I tried very hard with a boyfriend who wanted me to....kinky I know LOL), but I do ejaculate during intercourse. And, there are all the reasons everyone gave him in the thread.

As I pointed out to you in this thread, it is neither fair nor accurate to compare women with men, but he is also doing that. He refuses to entertain any possibility that a woman's ejaculate is not urine because there exists no organ in the woman's body to hold it (like men's semen is stored) prior to release. I didn't ask him but will ask you, southbound: Is there some book that says women are like men? I knew a guy like him - a guy who made me wrong no matter what I said and despite the subject matter - a guy who actually tried to convince me that based on his superior logic, he knew more about childbirth than me - a woman who was both studied and experienced in childbirth. What a hoot these guys!


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## momtwo4 (May 23, 2012)

Hats off to all of you women with the non-stop, unaffected sex drive. I'm envious of you. I really am. Reading through this thread, I started to feel a little bad. Like "wow. What is wrong with me because I don't want to have sex twice a day with my DH?" I'll be honest (and it's wonderful to be so honest in this anonymous forum). I am one of those women who at times would rather scrub the floor than have sex. Let me try to explain why.

The biggest reason (and maybe the only reason), is that I have never really climaxed. It's not that sex hurts or is even uncomfortable. It has felt really good. But I've never been able to fully experience that "Big O." When you take that big reason and add four needy little kids clinging on my legs all day long, I sometimes just crave time to myself away from everything that talks, cries, or moves. Selfish? Maybe so. But that is still how I feel. My typical day is spent cleaning up poop, pee, and breaking up unending fights. When I finally get the kids to bed at eight, the thought of sex is, frankly, often not too appealing. I would rather have sex at any other time then at the end of the day when I am emotionally and physically drained.

Now, just because I don't feel like having sex doesn't mean that I don't have it. I am working on my climaxing issues. And I am making sure that I take the initiative to have sex with my husband. There are times during the month (when I'm ovulating) that I definitely feel in the mood for sex. But even when I don't, I plan ahead and get myself in the right mindset. My husband is an awesome man and I love him. He is a more content man when he has regular sex. 

Maybe my perspective helps a little. I feel like I'm at least a voice for us more unfortunate women who do not have as high of a sex drive or who struggle with climaxing.


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

River1977 said:


> You speak of the pleasure of intercourse but state here that your ex didn't climax through intercourse. Would you want sex all the time without climax? Yes, getting there feels good, but what if you never got there? How would you feel? Every woman who does not have vaginal orgasms feel exactly that way......even if she still enjoys intercourse. The climax for them is his climax, as I explained how wonderful his orgasm feels. Still, it would be nice if she experienced a climax of the work and good feelings she put into and derived from the session, like you do. That she didn't orgasm doesn't mean she couldn't or didn't want to. It only means she didn't, and there is a sense of emptiness that accompanies. Like you stated of your ex, a lot of men have the same to confess.....and so do a lot of women. In fact, there are women who actually think they "cannot orgasm during intercourse" (in quotes because many have said it), but they know it would be nice if they did. I think every woman can, or practically every woman, if she and/or her man knew how to make her.


Thank you so much for all your comments. This thread, from all sides, has been one of the most educational I have read. I have read in various sources that some women don't orgasm through intercourse alone, but you feel that most every woman can if he or she knows how. I certainly searched for the Gspot with my fingers, but there just never seemed to be a hot button within her, regardless of pressure, stimulation, or placement. She also didn't like clitoral stimulation during intercourse, she said it was too intense. So, we just assumed she was one who couldn't climax through intercourse. What could we have done to find it if it existed? And no, I take no offense to your comments.



River1977 said:


> I will guess that your ex was young and rather inexperienced. I will venture to say most women don't understand why their boyfriend/husband wants sex so often. I really think boards like this are the only reason women become enlightened. I was like your ex with my first husband. I didn't like him always wanting sex. I felt used, taken for granted, and objectified. It was like he expected me to have sex with him as if it was supposed to since I was his wife and just because I was there. Were I not there, he wouldn't be having sex because I was his first. I really hate there is such divide between men and woman a lot of times. I can't explain it and have no solution because I abhor anyone saying or thinking women should "just do it."


You are correct, she was young and inexperienced, as was I, when we married. I was her first, so she hadn't had a "rock your world" experience before me. Not that it matters, but I'm just saying. She too seemed puzzled as to why I wanted sex frequently. She acted like I was surely doing something to keep myself worked into a frenzy over sex, like just thinking about it all the time. I had a beautiful wife that I loved and wanted to spend my life with, "Why would I not want sex." I always found it strange that we were young, attractive, healthy, and in love, yet when it came to sex, we sat around like we were 90 and in a nursing home. 




momtwo4 said:


> Hats off to all of you women with the non-stop, unaffected sex drive. I'm envious of you. I really am. Reading through this thread, I started to feel a little bad. Like "wow. What is wrong with me because I don't want to have sex twice a day with my DH?" I'll be honest (and it's wonderful to be so honest in this anonymous forum). I am one of those women who at times would rather scrub the floor than have sex. Let me try to explain why.
> 
> The biggest reason (and maybe the only reason), is that I have never really climaxed. It's not that sex hurts or is even uncomfortable. It has felt really good. But I've never been able to fully experience that "Big O." When you take that big reason and add four needy little kids clinging on my legs all day long, I sometimes just crave time to myself away from everything that talks, cries, or moves. Selfish? Maybe so. But that is still how I feel. My typical day is spent cleaning up poop, pee, and breaking up unending fights. When I finally get the kids to bed at eight, the thought of sex is, frankly, often not too appealing. I would rather have sex at any other time then at the end of the day when I am emotionally and physically drained.
> 
> ...


Thanks for your comments. Yes, it helps me understand. I like hearing from all sides of the issue.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

A decent partner will "let" you have sex with them - if you are nice, kind, listen to them. 

For "passion" that lasts beyond "new-ness" you need some amount of the following ingredients:
- humor
- non-sexual excitement
- a type of interpersonal tension (playful dominance games)





southbound said:


> I can't say I've figured it out, but like i said, it appears from what I read on this forum that sexual desire is totally different for men and women. It appears men are more visual, while women need more emotional things to be aroused; therefore, if their husband gets grumpy or slacks off on his communication skills, it greatly decreases a woman's desire. Apparently that's not the case for the ones who have responded here, which is what i was wondering, but it appears like it's that way for many. When I hear it said that some women look at sex as a chore, I wonder how something so pleasurable and fun could be a chore.


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## kea2011 (Jun 6, 2012)

To some what answer these questions for you, I have a higher sex drive than my husband. My sex drive has always been linked to my emotional feelings for the person that I am with. He makes me feel beautiful and sexy so I want to be with him. This has always been natural to me but because of my education, I do understand that there are many chemicals that have to interact to have the sex drive and there are many conditions and medication that can alter that. Just because the extra sex drive I have does not mean that it is the basis of our relationship either. I enjoy just being with him because of the way he makes me feel and the physical attraction I have to him just makes me that much more happy to be around him.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

All this talk about sex. Just go have it if you can. lol.


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

It's been interesting reading about guys who are LD. In describing my own sexuality, I may be an oddball too. From my comments, I may appear HD, but I'm not sure I would classify myself as such; I didn't have to have it every day, but I would have if she had asked. I even told her once that once a week would be a good compromise, but she could go for weeks.

I didn't go around drooling all the time wanting sex, but it's just like my key stayed in the ignition and could be turned on anytime. There was nothing about her that turned me off; nothing she said, done, wore, or did in the bedroom. I didn't have a mental list of turn offs. I can't think of any action, toy, or anything that i would have said no to if she had desired it. I would have kissed her armpits after a workout if that's what she wanted. 

I guess me having the desire to do whatever she wanted made it more puzzling as to why she didn't have that desire in return. But I'm learning.


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## ocotillo (Oct 17, 2011)

River1977 said:


> ...So, I began to think intercourse was just for men and truly resented that feeling. It's terrible for a woman to feel her purpose is only to serve his purpose.


Although I genuinely try, I consistently struggle to understand that viewpoint.

I guess this feeling must be radically different than when a woman like my wife wants a solid hour of back/shoulder/foot/hand/neck massage from me every night (?) 

They only thing I get out of it is the expression of pleasure on her face, which is more than enough for me.


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

About the kid chasing... when they ARE in bed.. asleep.... a nice glass of wine, tequilla, beer, or whatever is always a great way to relax... and it could lead to some fun time with the SO...


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

southbound said:


> I would have kissed her armpits after a workout if that's what she wanted.


^^^ ewwww :rofl:


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

Gaia said:


> ^^^ ewwww :rofl:


Well, it's true. Maybe I'm geared strangely. Any other woman and I would say ewwwww too, but with her, nothing was a turn off.


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

southbound said:


> Well, it's true. Maybe I'm geared strangely. Any other woman and I would say ewwwww too, but with her, nothing was a turn off.


That's good to hear.... i just couldn't help but tease you about that part though.. lol


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## River1977 (Oct 25, 2010)

ocotillo said:


> Although I genuinely try, I consistently struggle to understand that viewpoint.
> 
> I guess this feeling must be radically different than when a woman like my wife wants a solid hour of back/shoulder/foot/hand/neck massage from me every night (?)
> 
> They only thing I get out of it is the expression of pleasure on her face, which is more than enough for me.


Tried though I did to explain what I said, I failed miserably since all you got out of it was a comparison to a backrub.

Or,

Your miserable ability to comprehend what was written is, as I also explained, one of the reasons there exists LD women.


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

Gaia said:


> That's good to hear.... i just couldn't help but tease you about that part though.. lol


Oh, I understand. If we listed turn-ons, I'm sure kissing an armpit wouldn't be at the top of many lists.:rofl:


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## Pandakiss (Oct 29, 2010)

I really understand about running after kids all day and cleaning up their messes. 

You get touched out. My love language is touch, but try and want to be touched after potty training triplets. 

It was a never ending cycle of food, goo, pee, poo, gunk, projectile baby vomit, fighting, oh, and my mom and sick and had to have tubes running to her heart and have medicine injected and a water flush 3 times a day. 

Sex...??? Yea right. I was touched out and tired of being needed. Oh and a 9 year old at the time. And all her school crap. 

Blow job...??? From who??? Not me. 

I was tired cranky and hungry. My gag reflex was so bad, all it took was smelling something bad and I dry heaving and gaging for hours. 

My husband had a job during the week, went to school, and had a weekend job. A shower was something we would dream about. 

Oh I forgot weekly visits from the home nurse. So in my spare time I would run around and clean up the day before she would show up. 

I think I washed my hair every 6 months for 3-4 years. Who the hell had time. And we didn't have hot water, our apt managers though it was fine. 

Who "really" needs hot water anyways. Their fix was to turn off the hot water pressure. 

So let's have sex. I did anyways. My thinking was I wanted it before. So I'll want it again...eventually. He got a lot of bjs. 

I would just tell him it was a bad day and not to touch me. At least not a lot. It got better as they got older and didn't need me as much. 

Potty trained....check
Solid foods...check
Dress themselves....check

My desire went back to normal. Then ovarian cysts. On the plus side after the pain swelling and periods that cycled every 3 weeks, my testosterone shot up through the roof. 

I rarely orgasm with penetration maybe twice a year-if I'm lucky. I've had sex when I didn't want to. I've given lackluster bjs. I have fallen asleep during sex, and a lot during oral. I think it was the rocking. We would lay on our sides. 

It's better now, and after the "baby" years it was a slow climb until I was my old self. 

Seemed I had every thing working against me. But I was determined to get back to normal.


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## gucia (Jun 12, 2012)

my hubby is too stressed to want sex anyway so im always pushing him and no its not working and yes i am getting really desperate. we have a child 7 months old but he stays with my mum for 4 days during the week as we both work the corporate ladder (yea right)!


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## ocotillo (Oct 17, 2011)

River1977 said:


> Tried though I did to explain what I said, I failed miserably since all you got out of it was a comparison to a backrub.
> 
> Or,
> 
> Your miserable ability to comprehend what was written is, as I also explained, one of the reasons there exists LD women.


I think that's a needless bifurcation with a false-cause fallacy at either end.  You're obviously an intelligent, articulate person with a gift for written composition and although I could never make any money at it, linguistics was actually my major, so I think your ability to write and my ability to read are probably both considerably above average.

I understand we're talking about sex, not back rubs and was simply casting about for the best example I could think of where the effort and resultant pleasure is almost entirely one-sided. Taken in conjunction with the parenthetical question mark, the acknowledgement that the 'used' feeling is still probably "radically different" was an invitation to amplify on your thought. 

I apologize if my obtuseness here is frustrating, but the human mind doesn't assimilate information on an _ad hoc _basis. We all attempt to integrate new information into the corpus of previous knowledge and experience in a Tetris-like fashion. 

I think one point where I am stumbling here is in the statement,



River1977 said:


> One way that men and women differ is the gentials themselves. The act of sex - the in and out motion - causes friction, and that is very stimulating (feels good and is pleasurable) for men.


That's outside the scope of my experience and actually sounds unpleasant. Many men prefer the pressure exerted by the pubic crest of a woman's pelvis at the base of the penis rather than direct friction to the penis itself which involves a different set of coital movements. 

Of course this doesn't speak to the question of why a man would neglect his partner's pleasure, but even that would vary from man to man. One man might simply be selfish while another may be laboring under a presupposition of responsibility for the orgasm of both partners. You didn't actually say that and the last thing I want to do is put words in your mouth, but I have known a number of women who felt that way.

At any rate, I'm simply trying to understand, not argue. I'm actually in a different boat than a lot of men here, because my wife's libido absolutely exploded as a side-effect of menopause. Production of estrogen scales way back, but the ovaries continue merrily producing testosterone just as before. The entire mystique falls away and women become just as irritable without frequent sex as any frustrated man here on TAM.


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