# Help!



## Gfxbss (Dec 24, 2010)

I should start by saying that I am not married to my significant other.

We have been together 5 years and have a beautiful daughter whom is 15 months old.

I am 23 years old an she is 25(just to put things into perspective.)

When we found out that we were pregnant, I was living with my parents and she was living on her own with a roommate. Once their lease was up, I promptly moved in with her. 

In that time, she went back to nursing school(and as of now is 1 year away from graduation.) In this time I had come to the conclusion that we were married(even in not legally.) Also during this time, due to the economy I was reduced to part time at my job, but was able to just keep up with my half of rent ect. Around May 2010, she told me that she was considering moving with our daughter to her moms house because the stress of just barely making it was wearing on her. (With going back to school she was going to have to cut her hours at work.) I tried to find extra work but unfortunately was unsuccessful. I told her that I felt that we could make it work, but just barely. In July 2010 she moved, with our daughter, into her mothers home and I moved in with my best friend for a cost much lower than the apartment that we(my significant other) had been sharing.

When this happened I decided to also go back to school for electrical engineering technology so I could keep my mind occupied. During our time apart things have been extremely tough. We never got to spend "couple time" together. There was always someone else around. As a result we felt distant from each other(her more-so than I.) I have been severely depressed since we moved apart.

Around 6 weeks ago, she dropped the bombshell on me that she didn't feel like she was in love with me anymore. I took this very hard and assumed that we were done. We were back together the next day (She felt like she had made a mistake.)

Around 3 weeks ago, things went wayward again and she decided that we were on a break for the time being. After just two days apart we couldn't take it anymore and ended up back together yet again(I only agreed on the stipulation that we go to couples counseling.) Needless to say I am now having trust issues as to when I will be crushed again.

Things had been going fantastically since then, that is, until today. I'll explain later in this post.

Now I will fill you in on a back story. 
About 5 days before she left me the first time she told me that she had been sexual assaulted by a coworker. I and everyone else urged her to report the issue but she didn't.

During our first time back together(after the 1 day breakup), I noticed a co-worker of hers getting mentioned an awful lot. She denied anything that was going on w/ him, but I knew better. After all of this time, I can read her like a book.

During our current time together(the 2 day breakup), she has come clean that she has feelings for him(and that he is the one who assaulted her.) I told her that she needed to cut off all contact with him, which she somewhat agreed with. She still works with him, so I makes it far more complicated. She has had limited phone conversations(that I know of), and limited text message(She lets me read them) contact with him. To my knowledge, it is always him contacting her.

Things have been going fantastically since then. Now that the semester is on break we have made time to spend together, and we have felt very connected bother physically and emotionally.

That being said, I can still read her like a book and knew that I wasn't getting the whole story. She expressed the worry that she may be pregnant again(something neither of us needs right now). I finally got the nerve to ask her today "If you are pregnant, can you say 100% that it is mine?" She responded by saying no. It turns out that the second time we broke up, she went for a drive to clear her mind. She ended up contacting her co-worker and went to his house. Long story short, she has now admitted to sleeping with him that night.

Needless to say, this has crushed my entire world and I do not know what to do.

We have talked a lot recently and especially today. I am so emotionally numb that it hasn't really clicked yet. The only thing in the world that I want is to have my family back. This is the only woman that I have ever been with and I love her with my entire soul. I have based my entire adult life around her and it is now falling apart.

She says that sleeping with him is the only thing that she ever regrets, but she still has some feelings for him. She wants them not to be there, but she can't help it. She seems just as devastated by what she did but it doesn't change the fact that it happened. (Again I can read her like a book, and for some stupid reason I believe her.)

I sent her an email and here is her response.

"[My name], I can't help but hate myself right now. Maybe this is just what I need. Maybe if I hate myself enough, I'll do something to change it.

I love you, too."

Maybe I am buying into a bunch of stupid lies, but I want to work things out and just need some outsider perspective.

Sorry for the incredibly long post, but thanks,

Gfxbss


----------



## Gfxbss (Dec 24, 2010)

As of this morning, she is not pregnant. This is a huge relief, but I am still trying to sort things out.

Any advice?

Thanks,

Gfx


----------



## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

This is a tough deal, see at such a young age, I would want to tell you to go find someone that can be loyal. But since you both have a kid and you are asking for help, I belive you both need to start thinking in terms of "we" no "me".

In addition, she needs to be an open book, no girls nite out, no were abouts that are not accounted for. I mean the both of you need to discuss this crap and get it out. I'm sure you want details and she feels uncomfortable talking. But questions need to be answered. She needs to prove that she can be trusted and that will take alot of time.

The last thing you need is her contacting OM, but sh*t they work together so you really have a up hill battle. Bottom line for this to work is NC w/OM and that will only happen if she quits her job. of Om leave his job. 

Keep an eye on her and good luck.


----------



## Wolf359 (Jun 10, 2010)

Read the past threads on her they will help you see the big picture. You need to tell yours, and her parents about this soon. If she will not keep away from the other man. Your family is falling apart, step up and tell her what you want and stick to it. No contact with other man, or I will tell everybody, and take her to court for your kid. Get tested for STD as soon as you can. But all I can say is read this site as much as you can. It helped me with my problems a lot. I think she would like 2 guys one for fun and sex, one for money and family. Its called cake eating her look for it.


Look at this person it tells a good story it's long but good


Talk About Marriage - View Profile: showtime


Also read the story's with a lot of replies to them they are the most useful here.


----------



## Gfxbss (Dec 24, 2010)

TG,

Thanks for your reply. I have been considering trying to move on without her. After all, I am young, and I am inexperienced. Hell, I had never even been dumped before(my longest relationship before this was approximately 2 months.)

This morning, I received text from her mother saying to call her when I get a sec. I quickly found out that she told her mom and that was it. (I have only told my best friend and roommate.) Her mother seems nearly as crushed as I am. She(her mom) says that she wants us to work it out and that she knows that my significant other still loves me. That being said, she also understands why I would just walk away.

When my significant other got off of work, she came to my house to talk. She told me that she has cut all non professional ties with OM and if I am positive that I want to work things out, then she is in 100%.

I agreed to at least try. 

I also agreed to go to her moms house tonight for dinner and see our daughter off to bed. At dinner, my significant other had a breakdown in which she yelled at everyone and then stormed upstairs. I finished feeding our daughter and asked my SO's mother took keep an eye on our daughter while I went upstairs to check on her. I found my SO curled up on the floor of her closet bawling. She wanted to know why I still want to be with her because I deserve better ect. ect.

She does seem to be sincerely regretful.....

Later in the evening, after I got her calmed down and put in bed, I had a talk with her brother who happens to work with both her and OM.

I thought he knew what had happened but apparently didn't. When I told him he was very upset. I wanted to go home and yell at her but I advised him not to (she expressed to me thoughts of suicide and I do not want to push her over the edge.)

She is giving me, to my knowledge complete transparency. She allows me to read her texts ect. no matter whom they are from. She seems all in, but this breakdown is stressing me to say the least.

As far as going out ect. she has no real friends. She has me, and her family. Both of us are upset with her so she has nowhere to go.....

Her brother is keeping an eye on her as far as the OM goes....

Thanks again,

Gfx


----------



## Gfxbss (Dec 24, 2010)

Also,

Found out from her brother that he has noticed the OM talking w/ other girls @ work ect....


----------



## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Either she is torn between you or the OM or at best she is in withdrawls. It sound as like she deffinetly guilt riden. It still will be tough on her, she has alot of emotion and seeing OM with others girls and the whole pit sucks for her. This is why no contact is so important, no matter what, the OM will influence her. 

See, it would have been easier if you bailed then the discision would have been made for her. Since you dicided to stay you have made it more diffulcult for her.

So if you are sure there is no unprofessional contact, you will have to support her and be the strong and confident man that she met as she stuggles thru this. This would be alot easier if she quit her job and got away from the OM influence. Those are the consequences of playing around with co-workes and having a SO that loves her. Her mental health would be best served if she found work elswhere, thats my $0.02


----------



## Gfxbss (Dec 24, 2010)

Thanks again,

She has mentioned to me that she is considering finding work elsewhere. I want her to but I can't tell her to. 

Part of the issue is that she works as an aide in a nursing home and she feels like 90% of the other aides don't care about the residents. She is one of the 10% that does. She is in an Alzheimer's unit where you really have to love what you do if you expect to actually succeed at doing it.

That being said, she has become attached to many of the residents and that makes it much harder for her to leave this job.

I think that she knows the right thing to do, but is stressed to the max right now and is having trouble dealing with it.

I know that I shouldn't have contact with her, but the fact that she is having suicidal thoughts is not something that I am willing to gamble with. Hindsight is 20/20 seems marginal at best in this circumstance.

Thanks for your two cents,

Gfx


----------



## Workingitout (Sep 27, 2010)

Gfxbss: I confronted my wife about her infidelity. She admitted and threatened suicide. The next morning she took a whole bottle of Klonopin. 14 hours in intensive care, 2 days in the hospital, 5 days in a psych hospital, 5 days in detox, 60 days in inpatient care, 6 weeks in outpatient care, and 8 months of 1 on 1 therapy and about a year of couples therapy. Take the threat seriously!


----------



## Gfxbss (Dec 24, 2010)

Workingitout,

I am extremely sorry that you had to go through that. 

I assure you that I am taking this extremely seriously. As I cannot be there 24/7 with her, I have notified her family about these thoughts and we are working together to help her through this.

Thanks for your post and I hope things will be better for you in the future.

Gfx


----------



## Gfxbss (Dec 24, 2010)

Eh, the OM is not making this easy on us.

She is currently furious with him, which is good for me obviously. That being said it was his silver tongue that started all of this....

She just called me to tell me that he is calling and texting her constantly. She sent him one text earlier today to reiterate that he is to have no non-professional contact with her(I was able to read it and watch it sent.) 

I told her that I want her to sit down and talk with her boss. 

She didn't want to because she is trying to save face right now. I understand that but I told her to make us work, it isn't an option. She accepted.

I should say that I want her to go to her boss not for reasons of getting him in trouble/fired(as much as I would love to see that.) I think that she should notify her boss because her boss needs to know if there is a potential conflict between employees. 

I have made it very clear to her that she needs to stand up and admit fault even if it ends up getting them both fired.

She is saving texts/ voice mails from him to use the time stamp. And even though she is partially to blame for this. She wants to be able to go to her boss and prove that she told him not contact at this time, and prove that he is not abiding by this. This includes the fact that he is using the work telephone to try to call her. He is hoping that she will pick up thinking that she is getting called in...

I think that she realizes that she needs to be the bigger person in this issue and be the one to go to her boss and admit what is going on. 

She says that she recognizes all of the hell that he has put our little family through and that she doesn't want to feel responsible for other families being torn apart over him.

I am ready for him to go away....

Gfx


----------



## Gfxbss (Dec 24, 2010)

Any advice on how to actually get the OM to respect the no contact?

My Significant other, I and our daughter spent the entire day together, and he is literally calling/ texting 3-5 times an hour at least. 

She is talking w/ her boss tomorrow about the situation, so maybe more will be clear then....

We blocked his numbers(both home and cell) on Verizon's website. Does anyone know if they take a while to go into effect? Because as of now, the blocks haven't worked....

We talked about having her number changed, but the phone numbers are posted at her job in-case anyone needs to get a hold of anyone else.... This is how he apparently got her number in the first place.

I want to go about this from a legal perspective. I am not an angry or violent man, but even I have to admit that my patience(as if I ever had any for him to begin withe) is wearing very thin.....

Gfx


----------



## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

I think the both of you should meet with her boss. The best avenue, right now would be to contact the boss and let him know that he is using the work phone numbers for personal use. In addition there may be other women who are being harassed, look into to that.

The second avenue should be contacting his family and informing them that the OM is interferring with your family, and you wish for there support in helping in ending this interferrence/harrassment.


----------



## Eli-Zor (Nov 14, 2010)

Two words " restraining order" get one now . Do not mess around
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Gfxbss (Dec 24, 2010)

TG,

When my SO got to work this morning, one of her co-workers(not the OM) approached her and mentioned that he had said some inappropriate things to her... My SO gave her a brief rundown as far as the calls ect. and told her co-worker that she(my SO) was meeting with their boss today. My SO encouraged her(the co-worker) to do the same.

The meeting went well. My SO's boss says that she will have a talk with him as soon as he comes in for his shift tomorrow. She also wanted to know if we wanted to file a sexual harassment claim.

At this point in time, we declined because after all, my SO did sleep with him.... Not to excuse his actions in any way, but she did invite this to some extent. That being said, if it continues after her boss talks with him, there will be one filed.



Eli,

Thanks for your input, this has already crossed our minds. Assuming that he is no longer employed tomorrow,(My SO saw other co-worker enter the bosses office and close the door.), if he attempts any contact with her, one will be filed ASAP. I am guessing that if he is unemployed then he will be rather upset and we will be hearing from him.

I can't wait to have him behind us so we can put working on our relationship on the front burner.....

On an upside, our mutual hatred of him, has brought us closer...

Any advice on rebuilding our relationship?

We both feel much closer than we have in years, but obviously we have some serious trust issues. I know that she still loves me, she says that it took her making a huge mistake to realize that. But it doesn't change the fact that it happened....

Thanks a ton guys, I look forward to becoming stronger at this, and maybe someday I can help someone else out here.

Gfx


----------



## Gfxbss (Dec 24, 2010)

TG,

I forgot to add, as far as I know his only family is his mother, son and (assuming here) ex-wife. Mother, old lady with dementia, not seeing too much progress from that. Son, 11 years old, doesn't need to be dragged into this. Ex-wife, lets face it, if she is his ex, she won't do any good either....

Gfx


----------



## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

I think the steps you have taken so far are very good. Eliminating TOM from the workplace is huge. If you receive any threats report them to the police immediately. Keep your documentation up on anything that has to do with him. Texts, phone calls.... If he tries to contact her in any other way have her write a letter to him stating she does not want him to contact her in any manner, ever. Make it clear in the letter that he has sexually harassed her and stalked her and that if he does not comply she will file for a restraining order. Have the letter witnessed by someone other than you, a coworker or a friend who has some kind of official capacity. Send it to him registered mail and keep the receipt and a copy of the letter. Hopefully that will scare him off.

As far as the two of you go, if she is truly remorseful and wants to work on the relationship, leave the baggage behind. Support her and help her through the guilt process.. Never throw the affair up in her face but make it clear what your boundaries are. You are forgiving and supportive but not a door mat. Make sure she continues to be completely transparent with you so that you are comfortable and can begin to rebuild trust. That will take time. If at all possible seek counseling as a couple and especially for her initially. Counseling can help and should be looked at as an investment in the future and not as an expense. If you are of faith, see if you can find a place of worship that offers some kind of counseling services. This can be by either the clergy or member volunteers.

Even though money is tight, try and find a way to move back in together. For transparency to work and trust to build you need to be together as much as possible. As all couples need, work on your communications skills. Finally, a book that I would recommend that all couples read, troubled or not would be The Five Love Languages by Chapman. Understand what says "I love you" for each of you and work on those languages. Good luck.


----------



## Gfxbss (Dec 24, 2010)

Amp,

Thanks for your advise. I am happy to know that you think that we are heading in the right direction. 

I am very irritated to report that we don't think that her boss actually talked to him.... She had an in-service today at the time of his shift starting. Don't get me wrong, she could have talked to him after wards, but to not know is irritating in the least.

It has been a tough evening.... My SO has been feeling rather ill for a few days. We were equating at least part of it to severe stress. We thought that she wasn't pregnant, but seems to have had a miscarriage this evening...

I am trying to be strong and supportive, but it has been one helluva week.

We have both decided that we need some kind of a vacation. The family should just leave town for a weekend. Who knows when it will happen, but I am looking forward to it.

As far as moving in with each other,
We both want to live together again. I think that we can financially make it work, but only just. That being said, we are both afraid that we are moving too fast and that is another big jump. Though I have to admit, this distance transparency thing is rather opaque at best, and a logistical nightmare to say the least.

I ordered a copy of the book, and am hoping to have time to read it before the semester starts back up.

Thanks again,

Gfx


----------



## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

Good luck. I would suggest you take all precautions to make sure she does not get pregnant again at this time. With the unstableness of the relationship and stress factors this would be a poor time for another child. I would also reiterate counseling for her. She is highly stressed and IMHO not dealing with life in as mature a manner as she needs to. She sounds like she could use a little help. Keep us posted.


----------



## Gfxbss (Dec 24, 2010)

I completely agree, we do not need another child at this point. TRUST ME, no one is getting any from my end, at least not for a while.

We have talked about counseling for her. Our conclusion is that when the semester starts, she will start seeing a school counselor regularly(She does not have health insurance, or a large income). 

At this current point, we are both very happy with each other. Despite all of the hard feelings. 

I have been spending every evening with her and staying until she goes to sleep. We are enjoying our time together and both seem optimistic towards the future.

She has expressed the "uncomfortableness" of having me read her texts. That is her primary means of communication with friends and they share very intimate things with her. I told her that if she shows me whom they are from, and I can confirm the number that it is coming from(I am good with numbers), then I won't intrude on the intimate nature of her friends business. 

I have told her to not think of it as me not trusting her, as much as to give me piece of mind so that I can trust her sooner. When I told her that, she opened her phone and wanted to explain in detail every text.... 

Do you think I am being too lax?

She has also expressed that she is afraid that she is going to have to learn to be "in love with" a controlling version of me.

What comes to mind is the fact that she was asking me if "I could talk to OM at work," and I exclaimed "NO."

Turns out she wanted to ask if she could give him the shift med report.....

I feel guilty to some extent. I have always made it very clear to her that she is welcome to come and go as she pleases. Until recently, she has never left. I have always been un-controlling nearly to the point of fault.

I know that I will need to work on listening fully before I make an exclamation like that. What can I say, he has left a severely bitter taste in my mouth.

Just out of curiosity, is it wrong of me to be slightly happy that he has "stalked" her recently? The reason that I say this is because she was still in the "fog" if you will. He creeped her out bad with all of the calls/ texts so I feel like it stressed us out more but got it over quickly.....

Thanks again guys,

Gfx


----------



## Gfxbss (Dec 24, 2010)

Also, I wanted to add.

I realized this evening that until very recently her family didn't think that I was the real deal. They are religious and the fact that After 5 years, and a child I was not serious about the relationship. Her mother has told her countless times over the years to leave me, but the fact that she has come to me and begged me to stay says something. 

Apparently, since we have moved apart, I have seemed depressed. Her family took this to think that I didn't want to be with her anymore? Now they are all on my side to hope this works out.

I guess the realize that not everyone needs a book(not meant to offend anyone) to tell them what they should or shouldn't do.

I am terrified that I am being entirely to naive about this entire thing, but damn it, if we want to make it last 75 years, then we have to fight for it. The same people whom are telling me(In my personal life) that I need to leave her, are the same ones that told me "Love is worth fighting for."

Gfx


----------



## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

Gfxbss said:


> Just out of curiosity, is it wrong of me to be slightly happy that he has "stalked" her recently? The reason that I say this is because she was still in the "fog" if you will. He creeped her out bad with all of the calls/ texts so I feel like it stressed us out more but got it over quickly.....


Not in the least. The "fog" is what it is, an inability to see things in their true light.  If she still has some sort of emotional tie to TOM then what you say about him doesn't account for much, in fact bashing him may be counterproductive. The more she learns on her own the better. It's part of the process.


----------



## Workingitout (Sep 27, 2010)

Eli-Zor said:


> Two words " restraining order" get one now . Do not mess around
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Hi Eli Zor, I enquired about a restraining order and was told that they are very hard to get. I would need 2 incidences of "violence" where they were both reported to the authorities and a third incident happened. Then a judge "may" grant a restraining order. It seems they are easier to get on TV than in "real life". Judges don't want to restrict people's freedom. My brother is an attorney and told me that it was impossible to get one. I took it a step further and called 2 other attorneys. Neither said it was possible.


----------



## Gfxbss (Dec 24, 2010)

It was a long evening. 

After our daughter went to bed, I took her to the ER. She was in considerable pain and has been bleeding heavily enough that she was feeling dizzy. 

They confirmed that she is pregnant, but is either having a miscarriage or is very very early on.

Considering the circumstances, we are guessing a miscarriage.

It is a bitter sweet moment. There is a lot of relief, but at the same time it is always sad to lose a potential child whether it is his or mine.

Thanks for your help guys. If nothing else this is proving as a good way for me to cope by journaling(not sure if that is a word).

Gfx


----------



## Gfxbss (Dec 24, 2010)

I wanted to add, I have slowly been going through the posts from Showtime's thread. I took the personality test and here is what I got.

Your Type is
INTJ

# slightly expressed introvert
# moderately expressed intuitive personality
# slightly expressed thinking personality
# slightly expressed judging personality

We were talking in the ER room about what could have possibly drove her to TOM(We clearly need to work on this). She expressed to me that his is extremely charming and charismatic. He wooed her and treated her like a princess.

Obviously, I need to find a way to do this to some extent. I want her to be happy. The issue comes that I have always felt charming is just an act. No one really IS charming, they just pretend to be.

That being said, I would like some advice on what charming even is, and how I can go about it. I clearly just don't GET it.

Gfx


----------



## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

Just a point about wooing her and being "charming". There are two different reasons for it. One is that you want to get something for it (like the OM). The other is that you value and want to show the other person that you care for them. Remember love is in "word" as much as "deed". Both are communication.


----------



## Gfxbss (Dec 24, 2010)

I feel like this is now going beyond the area of the scope of this section of the forum, but for continuity sake, it will remain here.

My SO is having an extremely tough time with all of this. After talking with some other people, we have come to the conclusion that she may not be having a miscarriage at all. Or at least we are hoping. As much of a relief as it would be, the thought of losing a child is horrifying to us.

We both have the stand point of being pro-choice, that being said it would never be the choice for us. Not saying a miscarriage is equal to abortion, but it is very heavily taxing non-the-less.

We will find out either Monday or Tuesday(whenever she can get into her OB) what is actually going on.

Should be an interesting ride....

Gfx


----------



## Eli-Zor (Nov 14, 2010)

Gfxbss:

If she is still pregnant , do not involve the OM . Many here will say you must, I strongly suggest you carry on bonding with her, when the child is born only if you both want to , do a DNA test otherwise let it be.

Involving the OM now in any dialog will cause endless grief and pain. 

If the OM asks she sticks to the words that the child is yours. If she is in no contact the she should never have to talk to him. 

Be strong for both of you, give your other half some guidance and comfort, she will want to know you are there for her in spite of her infidelity.


----------



## Powerbane (Nov 8, 2010)

Restraining order and get a new phone and a new job for the GF. 

Do it!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Gfxbss (Dec 24, 2010)

It's been a long weekend and an even longer day. We went back to the ER and it was confirmed that she had a miscarriage.

It was tough day, a lot of crying for both of us. 

Gfx


----------



## Powerbane (Nov 8, 2010)

That's tough Gfxbss. 

I'm with you - it's a child regardless of whose it is. 

You're both going to need to stick by each other.


----------



## Gfxbss (Dec 24, 2010)

I want to start by saying thanks to everyone for your support.

We(or at least I, though I think that she is having an even harder time) are still having a tough time with the miscarriage, though everyday is a little better.

PB, as much as I want to, I can't tell her to get a new job, phone number etc... First off, this is because I cannot control her, but also because of things like her attachment to her residents and the economy...

Today I was informed that he gave her candy at work. This irritates me because she accepted it.

Am I over reacting here?

I honestly believe that she no longer has feelings for him, but I know that he still has feeling for her.

I know that she doesn't want tension at work, but I feel like she is adding fuel to his fire. I want nothing more in life(other than for us to have a happy and long life together) than for her to be happy, and for him to go away. 

Her reasoning for accepting the candy is that he gives candy to everyone. That being said, he apparently slipped it in her pocket. I DON'T WANT HIS HANDS ANYWHERE NEAR HER!!!

I can honestly say, that I trust her word(if not her judgment) but I don't trust him in any way, shape, or form.

It just kills me to see her possibly putting herself in a situation where she can be taken advantage of..... again.

What do you guys think?

Gfx.


----------



## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

She has to quit. Your response when she said "he gives candy to everyone" should have been. "One problem, you had sex with him. Nobody else has. That makes it different, along with the fact that you still have feelings for him. And more over, it was that you knew that it would do to me. I want you to quit, NOW!" That's it end of story. She is still carrying on the affair, it was only taken down a notch. Look management obviously isn't going to do anything. So the only thing left is for her to quit. I don't care how attached she is to the residence. Its how attached she wants to be with you. Her quitting is called a *consequence* to her actions. If you remove consequences you remove respect from yourself. Which you don't need, as she already has lost a lot respect for you by schtumping this guy and then by you not "wanting to rock the boat" by making her quit. You seriously need to gain your self respect back. She know she crossed the line again with the candy. Next it will be lunch, then sex again, then discovery. Its called cake eating. Make her quit, or kick her out. Unless you want to prolong their relationship. How am I wrong?


----------



## WhereAmI (Nov 3, 2010)

I was a CNA and worked with a man who did the same thing. He bought me something from the vending machine nearly every day we worked together (and did so for other girls on occasion). After the first couple of times I realized it was something I might be uncomfortable with if the roles were reversed (a woman buying my husband something every time they work together). Although I knew nothing would come from him buying me things, I knew that my husbands feelings on the situation were just as important as mine. I let him know about it and he didn't mind. If he did, you can bet your behind I'd refuse to let my coworker buy things for me any longer. My husband comes WAY before those delicious ice cream snickers bars. 

She's playing with fire. Stop letting her disrespect you.


----------



## Gfxbss (Dec 24, 2010)

Sorry for not swinging in for a while(and the long update). Classes are in full swing and I have been too busy to think about an update.

After all of this time, it seems that we may have finally shaken him. She was trying to preserve peace for a long time, but I told her to handle the situation or we are done. Thankfully, she handled it. She ended up going to her boss yet again, and her boss said it would be taken care of....

We haven't hear from him in nearly a week, but I think that he still has a job(she is only working Fri and Sun because of school). We will see how tomorrow goes. She is absolutely furious with him because the last time they spoke, he told her that she is a terrible mother and unintelligent(my words not his).

That being said, it still has been a stressful time. I was in a car accident(the 9th one in this truck and none of them my fault), I think there must be a target on the bloody thing. That being said, this has been the death blow for it and I am not sure that I can fix it this time....

On top of that, my SO's stepfather (has a long past of physical and mental abuse) showed up and came after me. He didn't want to go back to jail, so he only pretending like he was going to hit me. That being said, it was a grueling 30 min of me not reacting....

To top things off, her(my SO) school is threatening to kick her out of nursing school because she didn't take a required math test on time. That being said, the reason for that is that we had a blizzard come through last week during the time she was scheduled to take the test. You must schedule the test 24hrs in advance, and by the time we thawed out, it was past the deadline.

If she loses this, it will be her entire world shattering around her. She has worked extremely hard for this, to lose it all because they said she should have taken the test sooner....

We are hoping on moving back in together next month, as our relationship is doing better than it has in quite some time.... That being said, we need something to go right for us soon because this is honestly killing our plans for the future.....

Sorry for the long update, once again if nothing else, thanks for allowing me to journal...

Gfx


----------

