# Text messages with a female cooworker. When will it stop?



## bigfamily (Mar 11, 2010)

My husband has been a company awhile ago and had a secretary he was friendly with. Used to go to lunches, text messages, seemed innocent but extremely annoying. He left thet place 2 years ago, but the friendship didn't end. They still text message each other often, talk on the phone and occasionally meet for lunch. I spoke to him about her and told him that I'm not happy with this situation. He says that they're just friends and he can't end it just like that. He said that it should be done gradually. 6 months later, the relationship is stll on going. I'm so mad that I don't know how to stop this nonsence. Should I be worried?


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## cody5 (Sep 2, 2009)

Yes


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## htx.wifey.88 (Mar 19, 2010)

Yes, be worried because then little feelings begin to grown and they start to get closer. I say this because i was once in the same situation. i was the hubby in ur case. It almost caused me my marriage. i began to get jealous of him calling him gf. and seeing them together, i dnt know how harmful that relationship began till my husband literary went up to him almost beating him up. 

so just be very aware of everything that goes on. If u already spoke to him about the issue than he should respect you and ur marriage and drift away from her, or she'll eventually put crap in his head....

I just speak cause of experience. Good luck and stand tall! Be respected....


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## morningdew (Jan 14, 2010)

Yes agree with everyone else, once this friendship or whatever he might calls it starts to get deeper then next thing you know it will be a full out affair. You should show him the marriage builder website. I wish you the best.


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## bigfamily (Mar 11, 2010)

I believe that nothing is going on now. But that's exactly what I'm afraid of, this thing escalating into something more than friendship. I don't know how to make him stop. He promised me before, but it still goes on. I can't read his messages cause he deletes them, But I know they talk because I check on at&t website. His argument is, "why don't you trust me?". Trust him but not her, I don't even know her.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Cheaters lie. VERY WELL. To your face. And their most often used phrase: "Why don't you trust me?" With a straight face.

Almost every wife of a cheater has said "I believe that nothing is going on." 

Until they find out differently.


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## Mal74 (Dec 24, 2009)

I just find it really sad that so many married people don't seem to get that caring for a marriage means listening to and understanding the feelings and wishes of one's spouse. The right thing for your husband to do is to end this relationship no matter what's going on in it. At the very least, your husband seems to be behaving quite selfishly, and the fact that he becomes defensive about it can't bring any comfort to anyone.

Have you considered asking him why he is behaving as if the feelings of this woman are more important to him than yours, his wife's? I would confront him directly with that and see how he reacts.


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## bigfamily (Mar 11, 2010)

I've asked and confronted. He told me that he likes to have her as a friend. I believe that he thinks that she might be interested and that boosts up his self-esteem. He's a flirt by nature who enjoys attention.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

So what are you going to do about it?


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

So in essence, what he is saying is that he cares more about his ego than your feelings. Boosting his ego matters more and getting attention at your expense? The line about "can't end just like that" is crap. Of course he can end it! What's more important to him?


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## amanda1959 (Mar 29, 2010)

Yes I have had a simiar experience where my husband and this "business colleage" were too friendly in my opinion. I put my foot down in couselling and said he had to stop talking to her. She was always creating this foursome of herself and three men to golf and lunch etc. but I found text messages that I didn't feel comfortable with. You know how would he feel if I was carrying on like that! This is about the ego and in my case I feel it was her and his ego feeding eachother.


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## mike1 (Jun 15, 2009)

I don't think that men or women have any business having friends of the opposite sex when they're married, particularly once they have a family. It only creates possibilities and temptations that shouldn't be there. It takes energy and focus away from the relationship with your spouse and/or children. And if there is any kind of objection from the spouse about a relationship and it continues that shows (IMO) a deep disrespect for the spouse and the marriage. 

As a man I can say that 99% of any female 'friend' I had in the past was someone that I would've wanted to sleep with. Even the ones that were really just friends could have become something else, if not just a one night stand. Certainly from a man's perspective there is always a sexual undertone in a relationship, even a friendship, with a female. 

Your husband should respect you and your feelings even if he is 100% genuinely just interested in her as a friend (and I'm guessing there is more... flirtation, ego boosting, etc). Your concern should be enough for him to stop. 

I would put your foot down and let him know that if he continues this relationship that he's disrespecting you and your relationship. Tell him if he loves you that he will respect your wishes and this won't be done gradually, this will be done immediately. If you go to church I would even involve your pastor if needed. I would make it very clear that if he continues the relationship that he is making a choice that this woman is more important to him than his wife, period. 

Hope it works out!


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