# How to deal with cheating husband



## flowerlotus (Sep 23, 2010)

I just found out my husband of 10 year has been cheating on me with a younger woman. He met her over [URL removed]
I saw the text messages on his phone one day and found the missing credit card statements in his office garbage can. I‘m so torn right now. I don‘t know what to do.


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## lovelieswithin (Apr 29, 2010)

Im sorry sweety - I know how horrible it feels. What matters right now is your heart and uncovering why this is going on. Hopefully this is happening because of a psychological issue your husband has and not for selfish reasons. 
Step one is to figure out how & when to confront him. If you want him to feel sorrow then dont attack him. Attacking will only send him into denial and defense mode. Approach him in a safe place - I suggest a park because if he gets weird on you then at least help is only a shout away.
Tell him that you discovered his Ashley Madison membership and ask him why he is going outside of your marriage. Listen to his responses carefully... watch his body language and reaction. If you feel he is being untruthful or careless of your emotions. Basically this huge confrontation is going to be a determining factor of whether or not he is worth working through this with. After he responds then you lay out how heartbroken and dissapointed you are that he not only went behind your back but that he put you at risk. What if he caught a std? Tell him you will not accept being disrespected so badly and that you are going to stay with family a while. Take the time you need to cry & purge these feelings youre having... make him think about his actions and let him feel what itd be like if u left. That way if u do stay at least hopefully his feeling of loss will help him be a better husband. 
If you are willing then have a second talk and see if you see true remorse in his eyes. Demand couples therapy to help unravel further why this happened. 
Keep all of the evidence: if you two get nasty then the info will be handy in divorce court. 
Please take care of yourself flower! get to the DR ASAP and get checked out. Take comfort in support from a trusted friend or family member and dont be easily tricked into thinking his was your fault. Marriage always is supposed to be give & take with honesty and respect. You didnt deserve this but it happened. In time it wont hurt so bad and either he will be a better man by it or you will have a chance at someone better.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## The Middleman (Apr 30, 2012)

Mommylove said:


> Hi this is my firt post i have been married for 9year to a wonderful man i found out tonight that a woman was sending him emails saying how much she loves him and she wrote down a song that she translated and said it is there song so i confronted him about it and he said there is nothing going on between them and that he loves me he said that she missunderstood him and she was under the wrong empresion you see he started chating to this guy and told him that he is a shrink so he was lying to him so this guy could trust him and he was helping him so this guy's sister also started to talk to my hubby and then she started telling him she loves him and want to be in his arm or that is what he said he said it was 1 email but to me it looked like 2 diffrent email's he said he does not feel any thing for her is he cheating on me or am i just over reacting please help i do not want to lose my husband but i lost my trust in him now pleeeeeaaaaaaseeeee heeeeeeelp




Most e-mail servers have blockers or kill filters. Block her. She has no business e-mailing him.
Tell your husband to stop chatting with her on line and pretending to be a Shrink. He's a grown man not a teenager.
Try re-typing your story with more information, paragraphs and no run on sentences so we can help you better.


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## So Sad Lady (Aug 31, 2012)

Mommylove said:


> Hi this is my firt post i have been married for 9year to a wonderful man i found out tonight that a woman was sending him emails saying how much she loves him and she wrote down a song that she translated and said it is there song so i confronted him about it and he said there is nothing going on between them and that he loves me he said that she missunderstood him and she was under the wrong empresion you see he started chating to this guy and told him that he is a shrink so he was lying to him so this guy could trust him and he was helping him so this guy's sister also started to talk to my hubby and then she started telling him she loves him and want to be in his arm or that is what he said he said it was 1 email but to me it looked like 2 diffrent email's he said he does not feel any thing for her is he cheating on me or am i just over reacting please help i do not want to lose my husband but i lost my trust in him now pleeeeeaaaaaaseeeee heeeeeeelp


Start your own thread... This was a thread started by another poster who is looking for help. It will get confusing to people if there's more than one subject in the thread, and this one should belong to the original poster.

Also, you might want to do a grammar check. Not to sound anal, but it's very hard to read a body of words without any punctuation.


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## chumplady (Jul 27, 2012)

Flowerlotus -- hey, I'm so sorry. The early stages are the roughest. You're going to be in shock for awhile and not in your right mind. You'll feel numb sometimes and full of rage sometimes and paralyzing grief other times. That's all normal. 

The important thing, even though you are reeling from this horrific discovery, is to TAKE BACK YOUR POWER.

You need to decide what you will and will not tolerate. Set your boundaries immediately and ENFORCE them. All at the same time of taking care of yourself. 

Here's some links of things to to and NOT to do What NOT to do

I just discovered I was cheated on. Now what?

It would help folks here if you give us some more details. Have you confronted him? Save all the evidence and back it up! 

It's best not to confront until you have a plan of action. Lots of support here. Hang in there! The pain is finite and there's a good life on the other side of it. Lots of folks who've navigated this crap before can help you.


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## So Sad Lady (Aug 31, 2012)

Flower - Sorry someone has hijacked your thread here - 

Chumplady is right. The hardest part is now, just after discovery. Your emotions will be all over the place, for a long time.

Do fill us in with more details. If you've confronted him? If not, what your plans are to do so. The only advice that I have is to try to calm yourself as best you can before confrontation. Like stated above, you need to decide if this is a dealbreaker or not. And be prepared for the possibility of lying too. Just brace yourself....

I'm so sorry that you have to be here, but stay tuned, you'll get a lot of good feedback from people here. Unfortunately there's a lot of us in this club.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

I am so sorry you're here. Do you want to stay married to him, or not?

One thing you need to do ASAP is get tested for STD's.


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