# When will this ever end in my head?



## beachbabe

My H has been amazing. Its been over a year and a half; cleaned up his life and is a better man for it. He's done everything he can to prove to me that it will never happen again; so why can't I just let it go?? I've had a very good year, but I've let the thoughts and worry creep back in again, the last 6 months; and I'm miserable. 

Do you have to make a conscious effort to 'not go there' in your head? :scratchhead: It's like I've become obsessed but I'm not sure with what? He's answered all my questions and concerns...


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## tracyishere

beachbabe said:


> My H has been amazing. Its been over a year and a half; cleaned up his life and is a better man for it. He's done everything he can to prove to me that it will never happen again; so why can't I just let it go?? I've had a very good year, but I've let the thoughts and worry creep back in again, the last 6 months; and I'm miserable.
> 
> Do you have to make a conscious effort to 'not go there' in your head? :scratchhead: It's like I've become obsessed but I'm not sure with what? He's answered all my questions and concerns...


You need to forgive, and you need to stop those thoughts by focussing on all the good. 

You are NOT in a bad relationship. Your husband IS with you, he DOES love you and will NOT leave you. 

When those thoughts happen think of how they improved your relationship. Think of how much wiser and stronger you have become. 

The biggest thing I do is give thanks. I am thankful that I have a wonderful husband, I'm thankful for my children, my home , our health. 
And if the thoughts are still there I look at my husband, I touch my husband... I feel and see his love. Its important to stay present with whats happening at the moment. Not with what has happened in the past. Remind yourself that that old wound is healed and you are not weakened by it any longer.


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## nogutsnoglory

tracyishere said:


> You need to forgive, and you need to stop those thoughts by focussing on all the good.
> 
> You are NOT in a bad relationship. Your husband IS with you, he DOES love you and will NOT leave you.
> 
> When those thoughts happen think of how they improved your relationship. Think of how much wiser and stronger you have become.
> 
> The biggest thing I do is give thanks. I am thankful that I have a wonderful husband, I'm thankful for my children, my home , our health.
> And if the thoughts are still there I look at my husband, I touch my husband... I feel and see his love. Its important to stay present with whats happening at the moment. Not with what has happened in the past. Remind yourself that that old wound is healed and you are not weakened by it any longer.


or you can realize that even the good R's take as much as 5 years and most at minimum 2 years before you start to think of it as the past. It stays current for that long in many WS for a simple reason. Your mind and body are protecting you. You get too comfortable and your mind says "be careful, he will hurt us again"
think of the good as best you can but, you should be letting him know you are still hurting and allow him to console you and remind you he is sorry. He should remain sorry forever.


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## Finding Nemo

nogutsnoglory said:


> or you can realize that even the good R's take as much as 5 years and most at minimum 2 years before you start to think of it as the past. It stays current for that long in many WS for a simple reason. Your mind and body are protecting you. You get too comfortable and your mind says "be careful, he will hurt us again"
> think of the good as best you can but, you should be letting him know you are still hurting and allow him to console you and remind you he is sorry. He should remain sorry forever.




If it helps, think of those of us that don't have our husband's but would give anything to be where you are today. I love my husband with all of my heart, but alas he says he loves me but still chooses to live on his own. We are 10 months into this -- he loves me, but can't make up his mind what he wants to do. Your situation sounds heavenly to me at this point.


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## thompkevin

Aside from everything that other people said. Do not try to stop yourself from thinking about it. If you do, you are just going to think about it more and probably make it an obsession. Also, try meditation. I think it will help.


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## 4getmenot

I am only 9 months out, but I have the same feelings. Will I ever stop thinking about it, wishing it never happened, be happy again? 

My husband has done everything he can to show he is remorseful and will no longer hide things from me. Yet I am so sad for all that we were before d-day which seems lost forever to me.

This is such a long road.


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