# Can't stop thinking about oral



## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

After 14 years with a man who would only go down once every six months I told myself I wouldn't get close to anyone who didn't like giving oral. So when my h and I were dating I specifically asked him and he said he loved it.
After we moved in together he just slowed way down on it and then after we got married...nothing. Not even on our honeymoon. 
I love this man so much. He is so amazing in every way. I don't want this to poison us. We have fought about it and he says he just doesn't feel like it. I've told him that I have different kinds of orgasns and that the kind I have with oral is just so over the top different, it's hard for me to not get it. 
He said that there was a time when he went down and there was an odor. I believe it was because we had sex the day before and I hadn't rinsed things out. His semen is very potent smelling. 
I don't know how to convey to him how much this means to me. 
He did it one time since then and it was great. 
I don't want to keep nagging him. I've asked him over and over why he said he loved it when he doesn't. 
I would do almost anything in bed if he wanted. I love giving him oral. He started to get upset about two weeks ago and didn't want to have sex as much. He said he felt pressured. 
I told him we should take a 4 month break from talking about it or expecting it. So now I feel like we have our mojo back but I still feel frustrated! I tend to orgasm quickly and a lot, so I think he thinks he's doing great. He doesn't get that there are different levels. 
It bothers me that we can't work through this, that we can't talk about things like I could shower first, we could use flavored lube, I'd take a dental dam
at this point. 
I know he gets grossed out easily and he doesn't seem too happy with his own semen, I don't know of he's afraid that he is going to smell it or taste it again. Im willing to really rinse everything out without using chemicals everytime he comes in me if he wants. 
How do I turn this around so it's not a power struggle or him thinking that I'm being selfish? 
There is no toy or anything that gives me the feeling I get from
oral.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## blueskies30 (Jan 27, 2010)

I feel for you. My husband too won't give me oral and is very shy sexually. U don't have any advice for you, just sympathy
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## phantomfan (Mar 7, 2012)

blueskies30 said:


> I feel for you. My husband too won't give me oral and is very shy sexually. U don't have any advice for you, just sympathy
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I love giving but its like pulling teeth to have my wife let me near her most of the time. She wants all of the planets to align and doesn't want to kiss me after. I get that I guess, but I'll kiss her after she goes down on me. It's not like a well groomed woman has a very bad smell down there. I actually prefer not so fresh becau showers and soap washes away the peramones....it's so much better when they are there at least for me. maybe try some foreplay games and dice where eventually the mouth and genitals are going to come up.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Are there other things he can do to make you orgasm clitorally that that does not involve tasting or smelling? 

Has anything changed in the relationship when oral slowed down and stopped? Think carefully. Have you been having conflicts or money problems? I don't know how long you knew him before marriage but did he give enthusiastically premaritally? 

Do you push his head or clamp your legs so that he feels as if he is not in control? 

I don't see any way that you can make him do it is he does not want. Would it possible for you to get pleasure knowing how uncomfortable he is about this? Men and women who do not like oral rarely develop a taste for it. 

Find out exactly what bothers him, if is smell and washing does not help maybe saran wrap or dental damn will help over the area will help. If you can find substitutes by reading or learning that may help. 

He can try for a minute or two and try to increase slowly. 

If he can not manage to give, will that make you unhappy enough to leave? Think of all of the other things that are positive in the relationship. 

The most important being that you two are in love. Do you think you will find a man you love just as well who says he likes giving oral?


----------



## phantomfan (Mar 7, 2012)

Catherine602 said:


> Are there other things he can do to make you orgasm clitorally that that does not involve tasting or smelling?
> 
> Has anything changed in the relationship when oral slowed down and stopped? Think carefully. Have you been having conflicts or money problems? I don't know how long you knew him before marriage but did he give enthusiastically premaritally?
> 
> ...


_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

I don't want to leave. I just feel like he lied to me and he is the most honest man. I don't understand. I think honestly Im not attracted to women but if he would allow me to let a woman give me oral I would be ok with it. That's how much I miss it. I feel like when you marry someone you are the only one your partner has sex with, do you try to make them happy. I don't understand why he can't just do it. Is my vagina that horrible? Is it that disgusting? That's what gets me. 
Sometimes he uses his fingers on me and I just want him to stop. For once I can't orgasm. Because I just want him to put his fingers in me and suck my clitoris. Why is that such a huge thing? Did I mention he's a cross dresser and I am ok with it? I feel like I give and I get nothing back. He's never been with anyone who accepted his things and toe nail polish and going out with "the girls" to gay bars. And then I think I hate that I am thinking quid pro quo. Did I mention he doesn't want me to masturbate? 
He sounds bad but this is the man who makes me coffee, runs my back, uses a hair dryer to clear off the mirror so I can do my hair, takes care of our kids. So why can't I just stop thinking I just need to have my clitoris sucked? I've even told him he can just suck it and put a towel on my vagina. I would come in less than a minute. 
Why would you deny your wife that? He told me that after his divorce he has become more selfish. I just don't think he realizes how much this affects me. And I don't know how to communicate that to him. I tried to ask him how would you feel if I just said no sex, just hand jobs? He just didn't get it. That's how it feels to me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

No I don't clamp my legs...god he would freak out!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

And yes he used to be enthusiastic. I guess it was when we moved in together that our sex life slower down I'm a lot of ways. Maybe he feels like he owns me now so he doesn't have to try anymore.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Sawney Beane (May 1, 2011)

diwali123 said:


> And yes he used to be enthusiastic. I guess it was when we moved in together that our sex life slower down I'm a lot of ways. *Maybe he feels like he owns me now so he doesn't have to try anymore.*
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


In lots of marriages there are people of both sexes who are secretly saying "Now I've got him / her to marry me, I don't have to do all that icky stuff any more".

Whether it's sex, emotion or something else, there are plenty of people of both sexes who seem to treat it as an occupational hazard of getting someone to marry them. Something you have to put up with, but that if you can avoid, it's perfectly acceptable to avoid once the ring's on the finger.

They were willing to tolerate it to get you, once they have, why bother?


----------



## lost soul (May 20, 2009)

I seen in a movie and don't know if they where serious or if it would work but they where talking about using saran-wrap , , , let us know if it works.


----------



## phantomfan (Mar 7, 2012)

diwali123 said:


> I don't want to leave. I just feel like he lied to me and he is the most honest man. I don't understand. I think honestly Im not attracted to women but if he would allow me to let a woman give me oral I would be ok with it. That's how much I miss it. I feel like when you marry someone you are the only one your partner has sex with, do you try to make them happy. I don't understand why he can't just do it. Is my vagina that horrible? Is it that disgusting? That's what gets me.
> Sometimes he uses his fingers on me and I just want him to stop. For once I can't orgasm. Because I just want him to put his fingers in me and suck my clitoris. Why is that such a huge thing? Did I mention he's a cross dresser and I am ok with it? I feel like I give and I get nothing back. He's never been with anyone who accepted his things and toe nail polish and going out with "the girls" to gay bars. And then I think I hate that I am thinking quid pro quo. Did I mention he doesn't want me to masturbate?
> He sounds bad but this is the man who makes me coffee, runs my back, uses a hair dryer to clear off the mirror so I can do my hair, takes care of our kids. So why can't I just stop thinking I just need to have my clitoris sucked? I've even told him he can just suck it and put a towel on my vagina. I would come in less than a minute.
> Why would you deny your wife that? He told me that after his divorce he has become more selfish. I just don't think he realizes how much this affects me. And I don't know how to communicate that to him. I tried to ask him how would you feel if I just said no sex, just hand jobs? He just didn't get it. That's how it feels to me.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Wow, sounds like there are some complications that well, complicate matters even worse. It's too bad morally and ethically that partners who aren't satisfied couldn't just meet someone who gets them sexually and leaves the relationship that meets other needs intact. I fight for the right to go down on my wife and it sucks too. Im not going downtown after a marathon day at work but so what if the yard isnt perfect. If i get burned by a bad taste, that will teach me. Im a big boy, let me chooses...It makes no logical sense to me either I know I'm not that bad but she just doesn't like it very often. That drive me nuts among many other things. Im not sure there is a solution, but we have choices. If we can't live without what we lack, we can choose to go elsewhere. Everyone loses when a few minutes of doing what they don't care for would solve the issue. It seems simple to us and so damn impossible to our spouse. Totally unnecessary yet here we all are...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

diwali123 said:


> How do I turn this around so it's not a power struggle or him thinking that I'm being selfish?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Hi diwali ~

That is always the question, in which there is not often an easy answer. 

You can substitue just about anything for oral sex in that question and switch the sexes around, and you are still left with the same quandary and the same set of steps to try and resolve the conflict.

How important is this to you? Enough to split over, enough to push for resolution, enough to let go of?

How important is this to him? What is his level of willingness to work on this?

In sexual matters, pushing a mostly unwilling partner in to something they do not want to do often sets two wheels in motion - the wheel of resentment and aversion for the act in your partner and the wheel of resentment in yourself.

However, you do not have to set the wheel of resentment in motion if you choose not to. You can choose to actively work the issue - and learning how to accept an issue is every bit as much 'working the issue' as is seeking a resolution with your partner.

You will need a set of skills in your quiver that contains patience, acceptance, and positive reinforcement to help create a relationship environment that will develop trust and respect, so that your partner feels safe enough to try.

On your parnter's part, they will need an open heart (willingness) and the ability to incrementally push themselves past their intolerance bit by bit.

If any of those things are out of place in either of you, they will need to be put in place first.

If your partner is willing to work with you, then the pace will need to be set by him...likely starting out slowly and progressing incrementally. However, you mentioned that he did OS with you prior to being married. So, he does not appear to be a novice that would be insecure about it, but does instead appear to be someone who just does not like it and tolerated it under certain conditions.

What doesn't he like about it? Would he be willing to try if those issues were addressed/alleviated?

Wish it was easy ... but I've come to the fair conclusion that marriage and learning to live and work with another individual in such intimate contact is not always an easy thing and is a catalyst for growing us as people if we are willing to set down our resentments and take up the reins of forgivenness and forbearance.

Best wishes.


----------



## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

Thanks for your mature responses. What's hard is feeling lied to. I wasn't given a choice. I know that people change over time but it feels so soon and sudden. I am usually the one in relationships who doesn't want it as often or is having the other person ask for things I'm not a huge fan of.
It's hard being 40 and feeling like the whole sexual pattern has reversed. I used to be pursued. Now I'm the pursuer. I'm the one who wants things the other doesn't. I think he is willing to work on it. It just feels like such a rejection of my body. I love his body and I wish he would see my vaguna and think its beautiful. Not a smelly thing he can put his penis in but not his mouth. 
I know a lot of this is stuff I need to work on. It's just hard. He started IC last week for stress, I am hoping eventually he or we can talk about the differences in libido and what we want. 
Also I need to work on not taking sex so personally. Again a complete 180 from where I was 20 years ago. If we go from 3x a week to once a week and he's saying no bc he's tired I equate that with something being wrong with the relationship. 
Fact is sometimes it is. It has been in my experience in the past. It's to me a sign that someone isn't as happy with us or that they are depressed or building resentment when their desire takes a plunge. He reassures me that it has nothing to do with his feelings for me. It's hard for me to accept but I know on some level it's true. I'm just so focused on sex as an expression of love, like a guy.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jeff74 (Feb 11, 2012)

You can try talking, etc but if everything else in your relationship is good then you probably should just not dwell on it because it is just going to keep bothering you if he doesn't change.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## phantomfan (Mar 7, 2012)

I think she has every right to feel like she does. People can't change what the need. To deny it is only going to cause resentment and its going to spill over. I feel lied to as well. Sex with my wife was once hot, exciting and so regular, I never had to take care of myself EVER. It was a challenge to keep up. Now its a desert, I've talked and suppressed my needs for too long. It's time to move forward for me. I hope my spouse comes with me. Living with an unfulfilling marriage is not something I can live with or accept anymore.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## phantomfan (Mar 7, 2012)

_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

I guess what I'm asking is how do you stop dwelling on it? My body has a long history of a certain kind of orgasm and stimulation and I feel physical cravings for it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

I'm not willing to let this end the relationship but I need to know how to let it go when I feel physically unfulfilled. It's not just mental. It's like you have orgasms that are a ten and find out its just going to be 5's for the rest of your life.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 67flh (Sep 26, 2011)

ifeel for you, one of the greatest treats there is....my wife "very" rarely lets me near her there, but will do me like a hoover.. i know she enjoys it, casuse she's (gods gift) a squirter... must be a phobia.


----------



## Jeff74 (Feb 11, 2012)

phantomfan said:


> I think she has every right to feel like she does. People can't change what the need. To deny it is only going to cause resentment and its going to spill over. I feel lied to as well. Sex with my wife was once hot, exciting and so regular, I never had to take care of myself EVER. It was a challenge to keep up. Now its a desert, I've talked and suppressed my needs for too long. It's time to move forward for me. I hope my spouse comes with me. Living with an unfulfilling marriage is not something I can live with or accept anymore.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


The point is that she said he was "amazing in every way" (her words) so I was suggesting that she just not worry about it since she loves him so much and it did not appear that she would divorce him due to lack of oral sex.

Your situation seems very different and I understand how you feel and you certainly have a right to do what makes you happy. I sincerely hope things work out for your.

But, some people can change what they need. Former drug and alcohol addicts will be the first to attest to this.


----------



## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

I'm a squirter too so I do wonder if that is part of it. But I have told him he can put a towel down there and just focus on the clitoris. 
I guess I need to accept that this isn't going to go away and like a drug addict I'm
going to think about it but it's my choice if I let it ruin things. 
And he is amazing. I feel bad that I can't just accept it!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## MrsOldNews (Feb 22, 2012)

Maybe tell him to help you out or you're going to start mastrabating more often. Or get a nice vibrator to use on your clit during sex


----------



## par4 (Mar 8, 2012)

diwali123 said:


> I'm a squirter too so I do wonder if that is part of it. But I have told him he can put a towel down there and just focus on the clitoris.
> I guess I need to accept that this isn't going to go away and like a drug addict I'm
> going to think about it but it's my choice if I let it ruin things.
> And he is amazing. I feel bad that I can't just accept it!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Why stay in the relatinship if your not satisfied and you both cannot find a reasonable solution. Life is too short to be unhappy.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lionelhutz (Feb 2, 2012)

Catherine602 said:


> Men and women who do not like oral rarely develop a taste for it.


I did. I was kind of turned off the very first few times I tried it. Learned to love it. I have heard the same from others.

It is always counterproductive to "pressure" your spouse to do something sexually he or she doesn't want to. No one should be expected to do something he or she is fundamentally against. However, IMO someone who doesn't at least test or push his or her own boundaries from time to time for the sake of their spouse is simply a bad or selfish lover.

There is no fix or clear rule in this area but in this particular case, given the history it does sound like the OPs hubby did a bait and switch.


----------



## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

You already know that I know and feel and share your pain. It's been about 6 weeks and I'm starting to think it as a lost cause now. We will know for sure after the baby arrives and I've healed. Hoping the birth doesn't wig him out for good...

No words of advice, just know someone else knows what it's like to be in your boat... It's just kind of sad - we know how important oral is to men - the many threads here are evidence of that... You'd think they'd realize how important it is to us, as well. Like you said, there are different kinds of orgasms, and oral orgasm is definitely ranked very high for most. For some women it's the only way they can orgasm... 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## phantomfan (Mar 7, 2012)

I don't get the aversion to squirting either. Put on a bib and go to town! I consider that a matter of pride to be involved with that activity.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

I would think so. I think he gets unsettled by how easy it is for me to have an o. He tends to be the type who wants to pursue and seduce. Last night we had sex and I don't know what happened but I couldn't feel anything. I started checking out mentally and he was really working hard to get me to O. I just felt numb. We ended up having a long drawn out fight and discussion. It was so draining but we got some things out there. He said that the bad taste and smell has happened a couple of times. I told him I can shower and clean before sex. He said that he is willing to work on it. I explained to him that there are different kinds of orgasms and how it makes me feel rejected and unattractive. I don't understand how he can put his penis there but not his mouth. At first he was very angry and upset. 
I kept asking him why he's so angry and he said maybe we should just separate. I told him I don't want to lose him. I asked if he wanted to just stay together and be there for each other and the kids and have sex be not a part of it. That we could both find other people to do that with. He said no way, that's not what he wants. 
He told me that it bothers him that he has to do anything to hurt me or make me feel bad and I think that's why he gets angry. He said he just shuts down because this whole thing is so unusual for him compared to his first marriage. 
He told me some other things I've been doing that he isn't happy about. He thinks I drink too much. I don't think that I have a problem but I told him if it makes feel uncomfortable I will stop or just not do it as much. He said he worries about it all the time. Actually he ended up writing all this stuff down and have it to me, told me he didn't have the courage to come out and say it. I told him that if he has issues with me I want to know what they are. 

This part confuses me. We were talking about masturbation. How he doesn't want me to do it, and he said its because he feels competitive. I don't know what that means. I tried to explain to him that it's normal and no matter how much sex I have I'm still going to want to do it. I don't feel like it takes anything away from us. It's part of human sexuality. 
I guess I inadvertently did a sexual 180. It seems like ever since we've been together I have always been the one who wants it more, I hardly ever turn him down. I O so easily. I think it's good that he sees I'm not a sex machine and that if things go bad between us I can't enjoy myself. 

The thing is we both had really bad marriages and we've been together for two years. I don't think you can just give up on someone. I'm not willing to go through another divorce so I can have meaningless sex or be celibate and then find someone else to be with and drop them when they're not perfect. 
If he weren't willing to work on things I don't know what I would do but I think we both understand each other more now. 
I asked him to look at the marriage builders website and he said he would, he said he is glad he's with someone who wants to work on the relationship.
SometImes it feels like between our kids, our exes, our families, jobs, health issues and just stress we put our marr
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

We put our marriage last. We had such an amazing connection and so much love and I think we both forgot that we need to work on us too. 
I'm just so glad that he's opening up to me. He started IC and he wants to do that for a while and then do MC.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

I dont understand fools who don't engage in oral. I love it...wife hates giving. So...same boat as you.


----------



## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

Well I guess I stink. It really hurts because I haven't had anyone say that before. But apparently I do. And apparently his ex smelled like a fresh spring day.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Know_Buddy (Mar 13, 2012)

diwali123 said:


> Well I guess I stink. It really hurts because I haven't had anyone say that before. But apparently I do. And apparently his ex smelled like a fresh spring day.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


If you have never had anyone complain before and you have no current lady problems down there, i really doubt you stink down there

He is just trying to be hurtful to you.

Dont give him the satisfaction of letting it hurt you.

Tell him you might just go get a second opinion.


----------



## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

He's not the type to say something like that to hurt me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## shy_guy (Jan 25, 2012)

diwali123 said:


> He's not the type to say something like that to hurt me.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


What he told you sounds like something that would really hurt. If what I quoted here is true, then why did he say it? I suppose there could be changes in your body, or in his senses, or both.

I know hearing what he said hurt, and probably destroyed any confidence you had in this area. If you love him the way you describe in your first post, then I would hope there is something that can resolve this issue. Have you asked him if he has any suggestions that may make it more pleasant for him? Or if there is any way to get around that?


----------



## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

diwali123 said:


> We put our marriage last. We had such an amazing connection and so much love and I think we both forgot that we need to work on us too.
> I'm just so glad that he's opening up to me. He started IC and he wants to do that for a while and then do MC.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Hi diwali ~

I know that this is hard for you, as you feel so rejected by your spouse.

But what you posted above is a very positive step - you both acknowledging issues, and he has taken steps to open up and start counseling. That is all very positive and encouraging.

Try and not lose hope. Look at the positive steps being taken, build on that, encourage that, and move forward step by step.

Best wishes.


----------



## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

Thanks. He didn't say anything about his ex but before he met me he loved giving oral so what am I supposed to think? 
I even asked him about it and he didn't want to talk, just said that he was always trying to get her off. I asked him if I stop having orgasms will he do it to me and he didn't answer. Well guess what. Now I'm not having orgasms or enjoying myself.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

I'm just losing it because this reminds me of my first marriage do much. I feel like its all going to blow up now. I wish I didn't have to be like this.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

well at least the problem has been ID'd and now you can work towards a solution

he handled it in a rather insensitive way however


----------



## phantomfan (Mar 7, 2012)

diwali123 said:


> I'm just losing it because this reminds me of my first marriage do much. I feel like its all going to blow up now. I wish I didn't have to be like this.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It's not over till the big lady sings. Not that I've been with millions of women, but each one I've been with is slightly different. Some has to do with diet and also depends on what you use to clean with and how you bathe/how often. Barring any other unknown medical issue, there are possibilities. I know my wife has almost no taste/odor after a hot bath. This guy would rather have the "odor" because her scent is intoxicating personally. Anyways, don't give up and do some research. Hopefully you can work with him and not take it personally.


----------



## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

Well I guess I need to not sing then. Lol. 
I realized what's really bothering me is that he doesn't want me to masturbate. I tried to ignore it but the more time goes on and his drive decreases the madder I get. And it's not to say that I don't do it. It triggers memories of men abusing me and thinking they own my
body. He says it makes him feel like he isn't meeting my needs. Well
first of all you're not. So I should just ge frustrated because you aren't in the mood? 
One night a few months back I tried to get him
to have sex and he didn't want to. So he went to take a shower. I opened up
the container of lube and thought of he saw it or heard it, it might turn him on. He heard the click of it opening and came out of the bathroom infuriated that I would dare do that. 
It's a side of him I hardly ever see. I couldn't believe it. 
He apologized and said he didn't know why he's like this. After I told him if he wasn't going to do it I would take care of it. 
The situation hasn't changed. I'm frustrated and angry that I have to sneak around and feel like I'm doing something wrong, like he owns my body. 
It all came to a head this week I guess. He's agreed to work on it in therapy. 
I asked him if his ex ever got off on her own a d he didn't want to talk about it. 
I think half our problems are because I'm
the 2nd woman he's been with.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## livnlearn (Mar 5, 2012)

when your husband's first marriage ended was it a mutual decision? I have this feeling that maybe he isn't over his ex yet. ??


----------



## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

No it wasn't mutual at all. Why do you get that feeling? I think he doesn't love her anymore but he might not be over the trauma of her wanting to leave. She has turned into a different person. 
I'm just curious, what makes you say that?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

I think he might not be over the fact that he has to adapt to a new woman's sexuality.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## livnlearn (Mar 5, 2012)

well for one thing, the way he shuts down when talking about giving oral to his wife. Not that he has to give details, but I was thinking that maybe it is too painful for him because he misses her. ?? however, and this is going a totally different direction here, but you mentioned the cross-dressing thing and how he goes out to gay bars with the girls...is it possible that he is gay and wouldn't want to be near a vagina even if it smelled like roses?? just some thoughts? regardless, if your other partners never had a problem with you, I think it should definitely be taken into consideration that the problem is not you at all.


----------



## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

I don't think they he is gay. Bi maybe but not gay. And that's a whole other story..,I do wonder if he is afraid he is bi or has bi thoughts and he doesn't want to deal with it because then he thinks he's gay. I don't know how I ended up with a prude. Good lord. I guess the sex was so great at the beginning and he is great when he's really in the mood. It's hard to believe sometimes I'm only the second. But then I've been with guys who had lots of experience who were awful in bed. 
I think he just doesn't want me to think that he did things with her that he won't do with me. 
I think he like being the one who wanted it more and he can't handle someone who wants it more than him. It's like he feels like it makes him less of a man...prob related to her rejection of him. I'm convinced she couldn't handle his cross dressing but she never would admit it. 
So he's always waiting for me to reject him. 
And here I am letting him have his female clothes in the closet instead of boxes, letting him have toe nail polish and wear female panties. It doesn't bother me. So who is the one who has issues with him being a cross dresser? Sounds like its him.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

Oh and he says it doesn't bother him but I wonder if he doesn't feel bad that I've had a lot more experience than him. I've never been
with someone who could keep up with me at this point so theres nothing to compare him to. It's not like I'm a major ho but 15 compared to 2 is quite a difference.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## reset button (Mar 14, 2012)

just a suggestion. my husband loves giving and recieving oral.

I enjoy it but usually cannot orgasm or squirt until penetration, so we use oral on each other as foreplay, but not every time, me mix it up.

Once your hubby is willing to try again, plan it for when you would be ovulating. (My husband has a vasectomy so birth control is covered elsewhere for us)

My experience is he really "craves" giving me oral when I am ovulating. I think it is natural hormones etc.. and it drive him crazy. I can notice the difference in his "enthusiasm" and during intercourse when he has gone done as foreplay. lol

Alos, ask your husband to watch when you masterbate, my hubby enjoys a "personal show" and maybe he will feel as though he is helping to please you and wont be threatened by it?
Best Wishes


----------



## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

Nope. I have tried that and he says "that's my job." 
I have no clue when I'm ovulating, my cycle is so weird. He had the big V do I don't really pay attention anyway anymore. 
He is so repressed in a lot if ways. I dont get it. But them
other kinky things he is fine with.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

is he maybe having trouble with his testosterone levels.

i enjoyed giving oral after a shower but i like it best after she has had time to ferment a little. not to the point of being rank, but i loved the natural smell and taste more than the clean soapy taste.


----------



## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

Guys stop telling me how much you like oral...not helping. Lol
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

diwali123 said:


> Guys stop telling me how much you like oral...not helping. Lol
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


oops, sorry. 

i HATE it


----------



## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

Much better. Lol
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

9 on a Friday and he's asleep.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## shy_guy (Jan 25, 2012)

diwali123 said:


> 9 on a Friday and he's asleep.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Wake his butt up and tell him he has work to do!!!  He can sleep when he's dead. 

J/K. Sorry to hear that ... I'd make another smart remark but you've already warned us to not post stuff that's not helpful. I tried lying in response, but I kept choking every time I tried to go along with it to console you .


----------



## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

It's ok. I know it's pitiful that here I am...I think I'm an attractive smart hip woman and I'm great in bed and I have to beg for it? Don't think so.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Know_Buddy (Mar 13, 2012)

diwali123 said:


> It's ok. I know it's pitiful that here I am...I think I'm an attractive smart hip woman and I'm great in bed and I have to beg for it? Don't think so.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Dont beg for nuthin.
While he is sleeping, take off those big girl panties, stand over his head, and squat.


----------



## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

There's nothing worse than spending ALL day Saturday performing oral over and over....I feel so used.


----------



## coupleswork (Jul 5, 2012)

diwali123 said:


> After 14 years with a man who would only go down once every six months I told myself I wouldn't get close to anyone who didn't like giving oral. So when my h and I were dating I specifically asked him and he said he loved it.
> After we moved in together he just slowed way down on it and then after we got married...nothing. Not even on our honeymoon.
> I love this man so much. He is so amazing in every way. I don't want this to poison us. We have fought about it and he says he just doesn't feel like it. I've told him that I have different kinds of orgasns and that the kind I have with oral is just so over the top different, it's hard for me to not get it.
> He said that there was a time when he went down and there was an odor. I believe it was because we had sex the day before and I hadn't rinsed things out. His semen is very potent smelling.
> ...


you might explore his thoughts of what is happening for him while he is down, if he is thinking of sex and is stimulated it will be natural, if it is a chore and is thinking about mucus, urine smells and seaman he will likely not be keen. Still might want to use what you have to get what you want, encourage any movement down and become more rewarding the closer he gets to what you want. 
Good luck


----------

