# Thinking of Leaving for a Woman



## Love_Life (3 mo ago)

.. I’m thinking of divorcing my husband. I’ve felt like I was missing something from him for a while and I’ve constantly complained about a lack of intimacy for years. I tell him the only time he touches me is when he’s ready to have sex. We don’t really go out and date like we used to, especially after COVID. I’ve told him that I feel like we’re roommates. I hate feeling like he’s a third child (we have two together). I hate how he acts like he can’t figure anything out on his own. I hate being responsible for so much. I hate how I don’t feel like he’s a good partner / team player. This man will lay in bed watching tv all day and literally watch me clean the whole house. When I get upset, he says I’m just mad bc he doesn’t do things when “I want him to do it”. I just feel like he’s lazy and I work so much harder than him. He makes good money and I feel like he thinks that’s literally ALL he has to do. Anyways, I’ve had these complaints for years. I’ll say something and he’ll fix it temporarily and then slowly revert back to his old ways. 

Fast forward to present, I was introduced to a woman who is lesbian through a mutual friend and… I’ve fallen in love with her. The emotional intimacy is something I’ve never experienced. The way she cares for me, it’s like she reads my mind and gives me what I need without me ever having to ask. She has common sense which I think my husband seriously lacks. I just feel like my life would be so much easier with a woman (her) compared to a man (him). This is my FIRST experience with a woman. And I’m really considering making some major life changes. Not only is the divorce a lot but at the same time.. coming out to my family, friends, children …as lesbian or even bisexual..is so scary. Honestly, I‘ve been so sick and anxious about this decision that I’ve lost at least 10 lbs in the last couple of months. I think I need to decide and stop being on the fence so I can finally have some peace of mind but.. it’s hard. I am crying writing this. I just feel in my heart, I would be happier with her but I’m worried about my children and the divorce process etc. as well. 
Any advice is appreciated.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

So presumably you already tried the homosexual part out and you’re ok with it? If so it sounds like it would be better to cut your husband loose rather than continuing to live a lie by cheating.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Love_Life said:


> .. I’m thinking of divorcing my husband. I’ve felt like I was missing something from him for a while and I’ve constantly complained about a lack of intimacy for years. I tell him the only time he touches me is when he’s ready to have sex. We don’t really go out and date like we used to, especially after COVID. I’ve told him that I feel like we’re roommates. I
> 
> I hate feeling....... I hate how he..... I hate being........ I hate how........Anyways, I’ve had these complaints for years.........
> 
> ...


If you really believe and were honest in what you posted it is pretty clear what you should do. 

Look at the language you choose.

Fear of the unknown is a big deal. Also, you are in the phase of a relationship, where the things that could go wrong play second fiddle to the imagined bliss you hope will happen. Life is always complicated. As long as every time you talk about your husband the word hate is there, you clearly are trying to talk yourself into leaving him and divorcing him.

One piece of solid advice is not to jump into a rebound relationship. They tend to be mistakes.

In some circles you could be described as having an emotional affair while married to your husband. Yes, some would say your are being an unfaithful wife, even if you have not engaged in any sexual activity with your lesbian friend. However, life is short, too short to be stuck in a marriage to a man you absolutely hate.

Figure out what you want. Perhaps go to some individual counseling sessions to help you figure out what you want.

Good luck.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Love_Life said:


> .. I’m thinking of divorcing my husband. I’ve felt like I was missing something from him for a while and I’ve constantly complained about a lack of intimacy for years. I tell him the only time he touches me is when he’s ready to have sex. We don’t really go out and date like we used to, especially after COVID. I’ve told him that I feel like we’re roommates. I hate feeling like he’s a third child (we have two together). I hate how he acts like he can’t figure anything out on his own. I hate being responsible for so much. I hate how I don’t feel like he’s a good partner / team player. This man will lay in bed watching tv all day and literally watch me clean the whole house. When I get upset, he says I’m just mad bc he doesn’t do things when “I want him to do it”. I just feel like he’s lazy and I work so much harder than him. He makes good money and I feel like he thinks that’s literally ALL he has to do. Anyways, I’ve had these complaints for years. I’ll say something and he’ll fix it temporarily and then slowly revert back to his old ways.
> 
> Fast forward to present, I was introduced to a woman who is lesbian through a mutual friend and… I’ve fallen in love with her. The emotional intimacy is something I’ve never experienced. The way she cares for me, it’s like she reads my mind and gives me what I need without me ever having to ask. She has common sense which I think my husband seriously lacks. I just feel like my life would be so much easier with a woman (her) compared to a man (him). This is my FIRST experience with a woman. And I’m really considering making some major life changes. Not only is the divorce a lot but at the same time.. coming out to my family, friends, children …as lesbian or even bisexual..is so scary. Honestly, I‘ve been so sick and anxious about this decision that I’ve lost at least 10 lbs in the last couple of months. I think I need to decide and stop being on the fence so I can finally have some peace of mind but.. it’s hard. I am crying writing this. I just feel in my heart, I would be happier with her but I’m worried about my children and the divorce process etc. as well.
> Any advice is appreciated.


Just do the right thing and divorce him first before you dive into another relationship. Do things in the right order. There's no point in adding insult to injury. It has become a parent child relationship and that is a sex killer for both of you honestly.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

Love_Life said:


> .. I’m thinking of divorcing my husband. I’ve felt like I was missing something from him for a while and I’ve constantly complained about a lack of intimacy for years. I tell him the only time he touches me is when he’s ready to have sex. We don’t really go out and date like we used to, especially after COVID. I’ve told him that I feel like we’re roommates. I hate feeling like he’s a third child (we have two together). I hate how he acts like he can’t figure anything out on his own. I hate being responsible for so much. I hate how I don’t feel like he’s a good partner / team player. This man will lay in bed watching tv all day and literally watch me clean the whole house. When I get upset, he says I’m just mad bc he doesn’t do things when “I want him to do it”. I just feel like he’s lazy and I work so much harder than him. He makes good money and I feel like he thinks that’s literally ALL he has to do. Anyways, I’ve had these complaints for years. I’ll say something and he’ll fix it temporarily and then slowly revert back to his old ways.
> 
> Fast forward to present, I was introduced to a woman who is lesbian through a mutual friend and… I’ve fallen in love with her. The emotional intimacy is something I’ve never experienced. The way she cares for me, it’s like she reads my mind and gives me what I need without me ever having to ask. She has common sense which I think my husband seriously lacks. I just feel like my life would be so much easier with a woman (her) compared to a man (him). This is my FIRST experience with a woman. And I’m really considering making some major life changes. Not only is the divorce a lot but at the same time.. coming out to my family, friends, children …as lesbian or even bisexual..is so scary. Honestly, I‘ve been so sick and anxious about this decision that I’ve lost at least 10 lbs in the last couple of months. I think I need to decide and stop being on the fence so I can finally have some peace of mind but.. it’s hard. I am crying writing this. I just feel in my heart, I would be happier with her but I’m worried about my children and the divorce process etc. as well.
> Any advice is appreciated.


The emotional side isn't the only part of a relationship. How do you feel about licking her lady bits? From your post, it sounds like you want a live in best buddy, not a lady lover.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

bobert said:


> The emotional side isn't the only part of a relationship. How do you feel about licking her lady bits? From your post, it sounds like you want a live in best buddy, not a lady lover.


That’s what I was getting at with my post as well. The gay part. Like what if you blow everything up marriage wise and then can’t go through with the gay part?


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

Do you really want this other person, or are looking to get out of your marriage?


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

I completely understand why you want to dump your lazy husband.
I get that.

The woman, the Lesbian?

She is also a sexual being, what makes you think that she does not just want to get in your pants?
That, she wants to use you and then look for the next conquest?

What, women are not predators?

Why you, out of all the women this Lesbian knows, does she want you?
Might it be a conquest, she got herself another virgin, vagina licker?

Keep in mind, this is your first experience with a woman.
It is not her first, and likely, not her last.

I am only speculating, she indeed, may be your soul mate.

I would get a divorce and try to find another man.
It will be a lot less complicated.


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## Captain Obvious (Mar 14, 2021)

I'm sorry but this sounds like a Geraldo episode from 1989. You clearly have marital problems with your husband, it's clear to everyone you don't want to be with him anymore. But the way out is not discovering your blossoming lesbianhood and having an affair, emotional, physical, or both with the other woman. Settle your marriage first, then do what makes you happy.


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## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

Hey I'd rather be married to a woman too. It's mostly good.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

Typical excuse by homosexuals. You just don't get up one day an become a homosexual. It's been there with you, always. Divorce your husband. That's the correct thing to do, but if you think that a relationship with a woman will bring you the happiness and all that you have been missing with your husband, in reality it could be and then, it could eventually get even worse than with your husband. Relationships in any shape or form all have the same elements regardless of gender. Just don't expect the grass to be greener once daily life becomes routine. 
Lesbians cheat, fight, and can get even meaner thsn a man.


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

You “hate” your husband. We got it. You said it several times. Will you have a coming out party?


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## Jamieboy (Jan 14, 2021)

I find the responses you're getting interesting, if you had been in love with another man you would have been accused of being in an EA; and your description of your husband would be called you painting your spouse as the villan to justify your affair in your own mind. 

I doubt he's all that bad, there are two sides. But hey if you hate him, leave him regardless, otherwise you're as bad as you say he is imo


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

Ask yourself something before you blow your life up. All these problems you are having with your husband, have they been going on for years or are you rewriting the history of your relationship to justify your feelings for this woman. 
And as far as you being gay is concerned I think what’s actually happening is that your girlfriend is showing you the affection which your marriage lacks. If you were really gay you would have known about it for years.


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## Jimi007 (5 mo ago)

Andy1001 said:


> Ask yourself something before you blow your life up. All these problems you are having with your husband, have they been going on for years or are you rewriting the history of your relationship to justify your feelings for this woman.
> And as far as you being gay is concerned I think what’s actually happening is that your girlfriend is showing you the affection which your marriage lacks. If you were really gay you would have known about it for years.


Yup...100%


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

My advice is the same no matter the sexual equipment. Do the right thing and divorce your husband if you want someone else. Otherwise you are just a run of the mill cheater like the rest of them.

Being lesbian or bi is so commonplace these days I don’t think the fallout will be as big as you think.


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## elliblue (7 mo ago)

Gay couples have the same issues as hetero couples. Don't get fooled believing because she is a woman everything is going to be easy or that she is more hinest. You are in honeymoon phase wjth that woman. 
She is showing you her best side at the moment, like all people do when they first met and have a crush on someone. No different in gay people. Homosexuals aren't angels like heterosexuals.

Go try and then later tell people your experience, when she cheats on you or is becoming lazy like your husband.

Monkey branching is bad.


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## gameopoly5 (5 mo ago)

Love_Life said:


> .. I’m thinking of divorcing my husband. I’ve felt like I was missing something from him for a while and I’ve constantly complained about a lack of intimacy for years. I tell him the only time he touches me is when he’s ready to have sex. We don’t really go out and date like we used to, especially after COVID. I’ve told him that I feel like we’re roommates. I hate feeling like he’s a third child (we have two together). I hate how he acts like he can’t figure anything out on his own. I hate being responsible for so much. I hate how I don’t feel like he’s a good partner / team player. This man will lay in bed watching tv all day and literally watch me clean the whole house. When I get upset, he says I’m just mad bc he doesn’t do things when “I want him to do it”. I just feel like he’s lazy and I work so much harder than him. He makes good money and I feel like he thinks that’s literally ALL he has to do. Anyways, I’ve had these complaints for years. I’ll say something and he’ll fix it temporarily and then slowly revert back to his old ways.
> 
> Fast forward to present, I was introduced to a woman who is lesbian through a mutual friend and… I’ve fallen in love with her. The emotional intimacy is something I’ve never experienced. The way she cares for me, it’s like she reads my mind and gives me what I need without me ever having to ask. She has common sense which I think my husband seriously lacks. I just feel like my life would be so much easier with a woman (her) compared to a man (him). This is my FIRST experience with a woman. And I’m really considering making some major life changes. Not only is the divorce a lot but at the same time.. coming out to my family, friends, children …as lesbian or even bisexual..is so scary. Honestly, I‘ve been so sick and anxious about this decision that I’ve lost at least 10 lbs in the last couple of months. I think I need to decide and stop being on the fence so I can finally have some peace of mind but.. it’s hard. I am crying writing this. I just feel in my heart, I would be happier with her but I’m worried about my children and the divorce process etc. as well.
> Any advice is appreciated.


Do you intend getting involved with the said woman in the biblical sense? Or just a celibate relationship? Have you and that woman already made plans to move forward together without your husband`s knowledge? Or are you going to suddenly drop the bombshell on him and leave to be with that woman?

Have you been upfront with your husband with what you have explained to us here? Have you confronted him with your intentions? And I don`t mean simply complaining to him about his ways. Because that wouldn`t be fair and totally wrong.

If not already been upfront with your intentions and explained why, then why not be direct and see if there are anyways to save your manage and not splitting up your family.

Considering you are the one who wants to leave your husband because according to you he has failed to live up to your expectations of a man and believe becoming involved with a woman will allow you to escape from a marriage you`re no longer happy in, are you going use your husband`s alleged bad traits as a defence for a divorce, meaning helping you to gain custody of your children and a share of marital assets, or would you consider making a clean break and leaving the marriage entirely so as your husband doesn`t lose out because you have decided to leave him?

Think about it.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Are you a SAHM? How old are the kids? How would your H describe your sexual initiation frequency when you want sex? Or your non sexual touching, touching him? 

Why do you think you work much harder than him?


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Btw, how was the lesbian experience you've had with this current friend, or the earlier experiences?


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## 342693 (Mar 2, 2020)

IMO, your first paragraph is utter BS being said just to justify the second paragraph. Textbook for sometime committing adultery or thinking about it.

I hope once you realize the terrible mistake you've made, your husband doesn’t take you back. And I feel sorry for your kids.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

SCDad01 said:


> IMO, your first paragraph is utter BS being said just to justify the second paragraph.
> 
> Textbook for sometime committing adultery or thinking about it.


And classic making it the spouse's fault.


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## Jimi007 (5 mo ago)

Have you already been intimate with this woman ?


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Jimi007 said:


> Have you already been intimate with this woman ?


And the truth will not be known however answered.


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## Jimi007 (5 mo ago)

Not answerd...maybe I missed it


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Love_Life said:


> .. I’m thinking of divorcing my husband. I’ve felt like I was missing something from him for a while and I’ve constantly complained about a lack of intimacy for years. I tell him the only time he touches me is when he’s ready to have sex. We don’t really go out and date like we used to, especially after COVID. I’ve told him that I feel like we’re roommates. I hate feeling like he’s a third child (we have two together). I hate how he acts like he can’t figure anything out on his own. I hate being responsible for so much. I hate how I don’t feel like he’s a good partner / team player. This man will lay in bed watching tv all day and literally watch me clean the whole house. When I get upset, he says I’m just mad bc he doesn’t do things when “I want him to do it”. I just feel like he’s lazy and I work so much harder than him. He makes good money and I feel like he thinks that’s literally ALL he has to do. Anyways, I’ve had these complaints for years. I’ll say something and he’ll fix it temporarily and then slowly revert back to his old ways.
> 
> Fast forward to present, I was introduced to a woman who is lesbian through a mutual friend and… I’ve fallen in love with her. The emotional intimacy is something I’ve never experienced. The way she cares for me, it’s like she reads my mind and gives me what I need without me ever having to ask. She has common sense which I think my husband seriously lacks. I just feel like my life would be so much easier with a woman (her) compared to a man (him). This is my FIRST experience with a woman. And I’m really considering making some major life changes. Not only is the divorce a lot but at the same time.. coming out to my family, friends, children …as lesbian or even bisexual..is so scary. Honestly, I‘ve been so sick and anxious about this decision that I’ve lost at least 10 lbs in the last couple of months. I think I need to decide and stop being on the fence so I can finally have some peace of mind but.. it’s hard. I am crying writing this. I just feel in my heart, I would be happier with her but I’m worried about my children and the divorce process etc. as well.
> Any advice is appreciated.


In other words I was unhappy and I am now having an affair. It's not going to go the way you expected. At least as far as I can tell your husband is loyal, now you will tied to someone with no problem blowing up someones else's marriage. I also wonder how much you know about this person's private life, affairs usually take place in a vacuum that is easy to cover all the typical issues that people bring to relationships. Finally don't think everyone will be happy for you, that is still your kid's Father.

You are about to confess to cheating on him and leave the marriage, because he doesn't do enough cleaning. How empowering of you! It's all the same - "my wife doesn't have enough sex with me, she got too fat... My husband doesn't take me to dinner, he doesn't do any cleaning..." Translation - "I am getting old and I am bored."

It sounds like you have a unhappy marriage but not one that is atypical, maybe you should have talked divorce, been more assertive. No one is saying you should be happy or even that you should stay in the situation, but having and affair just complicates the whole thing. The truth is you were probably afraid to ask for a divorce, and this women provides a safe landing spot. But it's not as safe as you think. If your husband makes good money why didn't you just hire a cleaning person? Somehow I think like most people in affairs you are rewriting your marriage history to justify then new exciting relationship in your life. Which is also typical.

To quote: _After a time, you may find that having is not so pleasing a thing after all as wanting._

Affairs are fun. They are also abuse. Bi or not you are just a run of the mill cheater, and usually affairs don't last.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

SunCMars said:


> I completely understand why you want to dump your lazy husband.
> I get that.
> 
> The woman, the Lesbian?
> ...


Alleged.....lazy husband 😉🙂🙂🙂


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> Are you a SAHM? How old are the kids? How would your H describe your sexual initiation frequency when you want sex? Or your non sexual touching, touching him?
> 
> Why do you think you work much harder than him?


@Love_Life will your ego let you answer questions, even if some responses are very much ones/truths you didn't want to hear?


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## Tdbo (Sep 8, 2019)

Just do the honorable thing, tell your husband and file.
Instead of valuing your family and doing the work to make it better and preserve it, you have decided to blow it up.
So what if your kids come from a broken home, it's all about your "Feels," right?
I am in no way defending your husband. Sounds like he hasn't done the work either.
However, you have either had at least an EA if not a PA with this woman. Either one is inexcusable.
Just disengage with your husband and kids in a manner that dies the least damage to them. Quickly.


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## hamadryad (Aug 30, 2020)

The topic of women " going gay" at a later stage of life seems to be a real thing...Some guys I know have "lost" their wives much later in life to the interest of women, even though all throughout their marriage/relationship, she showed no signs of being sexually interested in women...it's even been talked about often on this forum...

As a personal interest, I often study how behavior in animals (particularly primates) relate to human behavior. One notable scientific discovery is that Bonobo Chimpanzees(who share 99% of our DNA).had this same type of behavior in their species...Females joining other females for reasons of security and better sense of inclusion in a particular group of other females.....

Other notable aspects were that Bonobos often mate "face to face which is also typically human, and additionally often engage in sexual behavior for reasons of enjoyment and relaxation which is unique among not only us but even many primates...There has also been noted how females have sexual contact with males in exchange of "gifts" of food, or if they feel unsafe in their group(male protector)...

This is only a small fraction of the fascinating aspects of this....Many people will totally dismiss it, because they believe that humans are their own separate species put on this earth to adhere to morally and sociologically traditions that were put in place...I don't believe, but they are entitled to that opinion... 

OP...what all this means is that you(and all of those other women) may be responding to an inherent biological urge that was passed down for centuries.....what you choose to do at this point is up to you, unfortunately there will be negative consequences as you have outlined, but I just pointed this out so you have this info if it helps you, if not so be it, but at the same time its unfair to your husband to leave him in the lurch...You will have to process this and decide what is best for you and your kids...


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## karmagoround (Aug 27, 2021)

Love_Life said:


> .. I’m thinking of divorcing my husband. I’ve felt like I was missing something from him for a while and I’ve constantly complained about a lack of intimacy for years. I tell him the only time he touches me is when he’s ready to have sex. We don’t really go out and date like we used to, especially after COVID. I’ve told him that I feel like we’re roommates. I hate feeling like he’s a third child (we have two together). I hate how he acts like he can’t figure anything out on his own. I hate being responsible for so much. I hate how I don’t feel like he’s a good partner / team player. This man will lay in bed watching tv all day and literally watch me clean the whole house. When I get upset, he says I’m just mad bc he doesn’t do things when “I want him to do it”. I just feel like he’s lazy and I work so much harder than him. He makes good money and I feel like he thinks that’s literally ALL he has to do. Anyways, I’ve had these complaints for years. I’ll say something and he’ll fix it temporarily and then slowly revert back to his old ways.
> 
> Fast forward to present, I was introduced to a woman who is lesbian through a mutual friend and… I’ve fallen in love with her. The emotional intimacy is something I’ve never experienced. The way she cares for me, it’s like she reads my mind and gives me what I need without me ever having to ask. She has common sense which I think my husband seriously lacks. I just feel like my life would be so much easier with a woman (her) compared to a man (him). This is my FIRST experience with a woman. And I’m really considering making some major life changes. Not only is the divorce a lot but at the same time.. coming out to my family, friends, children …as lesbian or even bisexual..is so scary. Honestly, I‘ve been so sick and anxious about this decision that I’ve lost at least 10 lbs in the last couple of months. I think I need to decide and stop being on the fence so I can finally have some peace of mind but.. it’s hard. I am crying writing this. I just feel in my heart, I would be happier with her but I’m worried about my children and the divorce process etc. as well.
> Any advice is appreciated.


I too prefure women, and would never be attracted to a man. How did you do it in the first place? It's too bad, couples getting old and losing taste for each other. We can get used to the waning affection. Lost spontaneousness, then just gotten used to bring left alone. 

Make sure there are no cell phones, tv in the bedroom. 

Heck with a bunch of years of boring bedroom. Watch out though... A few months living with exciting gal and things will cool. Hopefully not as much as years with a man... which has got to be terrible! Just ask my ex... She was so furious! Like it was my fault she was banging some other guy. 

I'm so sorry for my ex. just the opposite problem though, she lost interest. But now she wants me back in a bad way, so much so she would be happy with just a roll in the hay. How did she overcome her pride to let me know? Having tried the field, I guess she forgot how boring I was. But it's too late now! 

Suggestion:. Get a massage table. Consider it couples therapy. If you're husband isn't interested, go give your new gal a long serene massage with music and real massage oil. She's love it. You need a good massage. Let the world go away for just an hour or so. 

Your H will not be able to compete with your new lover, male or female. If you decide your H isn't for you, the teaching is to divorce first, then date. As is, you are biting off a big chew for you, your family and friends to digest and it's causing you great internal termoil. 

You are hurting your H, even if it's subliminal, his strength is being drained by your affair. This gives you with more justification to leave. Certainly nothing special anymore. Not in bed, not over dinner, not in the car. Your mind is on someone else. 

If you intend to go through with this, D quick for your H so he can move on. After that, give it a few months before bringing your new gal around. If you're friends and family is reasonable, and your gal is personable. No non boring person is going to make a deal out of it. 

For sure though, find a way to enjoy life.


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## drencrom (Jul 1, 2021)

Love_Life said:


> I would be happier with her but I’m worried about my children and the divorce process etc. as well.
> Any advice is appreciated.


Simple. Get a divorce. Don't stay in the marriage with your husband just because of the kids. He needs to be able to move on as well. Your kids will adjust.


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## karmagoround (Aug 27, 2021)

"I tell him the only time he touches me is when he’s ready to have sex."

Borderline nit picking. Sounds like an easy fix, and you admit that your are getting laid. You say something is missing. What is it? 

Have you noticed more of your husband's nits since you met your new gal?


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

@Love_Life are you testing your new gf out today, too caught up in testing things out and to be letting those sharing advice how know its going?


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## karmagoround (Aug 27, 2021)

OP, you say he makes good money, yet you are complaining about house work. Get a maid. People are hungry for work. Your H is already working. His time is worth more than the $50 an hour you would pay a cleaning service. 

Are you sure that you aren't sucking the life out of him? Just from experience, I was about dead by the time my ex abandoned me. Then suddenly, I got stronger. 

Check out the threads here and understand that the betrayed spouse often suffers from depression, just from the spouses indifferent ambience. Why do anything?


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

One of my dearest friends from high school (whom I dated very briefly), left her husband of 20+ years and has been with a woman for the past 20 years. If that's what is best for you, then make the decision, divorce your husband, and go for it. (Of no real relevance, but my friend and her ex remained good friends.)


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

karmagoround said:


> OP, you say he makes good money, yet you are complaining about house work. Get a maid. People are hungry for work. Your H is already working. His time is worth more than the $50 an hour you would pay a cleaning service.
> 
> Are you sure that you aren't sucking the life out of him? Just from experience, I was about dead by the time my ex abandoned me. Then suddenly, I got stronger.
> 
> Check out the threads here and understand that the betrayed spouse often suffers from depression, just from the spouses indifferent ambience. Why do anything?


See if you can get OP to answer:

Are you a SAHM? How old are the kids? How would your H describe your sexual initiation frequency when you want sex? Or your non sexual touching, touching him?

Why do you think you work much harder than him?


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## karmagoround (Aug 27, 2021)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> Alleged.....lazy husband


Lazy, make good money husband. Sounds pretty rough. The only time he touches her is even he wants sex. I'm trying to imagine this. Can't, unless she isn't responsive to his touch.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

hamadryad said:


> The topic of women " going gay" at a later stage of life seems to be a real thing...Some guys I know have "lost" their wives much later in life to the interest of women, even though all throughout their marriage/relationship, she showed no signs of being sexually interested in women...it's even been talked about often on this forum...
> 
> As a personal interest, I often study how behavior in animals (particularly primates) relate to human behavior. One notable scientific discovery is that Bonobo Chimpanzees(who share 99% of our DNA).had this same type of behavior in their species...Females joining other females for reasons of security and better sense of inclusion in a particular group of other females.....
> 
> ...


I would suspect most of these are just starved for emotional intimacy.


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> @Love_Life are you testing your new gf out today, too caught up in testing things out and to be letting those sharing advice how know its going?


You had to know going in that this was a one and done post.


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## Laurentium (May 21, 2017)

Yeah, the rule is *don't *make the decision to end your relationship based on someone else turning up.
Either the relationship is saveable, or it isn't.


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## Enigmatic (Jul 16, 2021)

So you're having an EA and/or a PA and want to leave your spouse. And it's all his fault, of course. Yawn. This story has been told many times. Cheating is cheating and the responsibility for choosing tocheat rather than to either work on or honorably exit the marriage is on you and you alone.

If you're certain you no longer want to be married to your husband, do the right thing and leave him so he can be with someone who actually loves him. Then you will be free to explore your sexuality as much as you want.


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## Teacherwifemom (5 mo ago)

Your husband sounds like a jerk. But so do you, because now you’re a cheater. You’ve put this woman over your children. I will come at this as an advocate for children after 22 years teaching. Divorce devastates kids’ lives, especially in the absence of major life disrupters like addiction or abuse. That doesn’t mean no one should get divorced if they have kids, but too often this divorce has been in the parents’ mind for months or years but it’s brand new information to the kids. Please just let them deal with one thing at a time. Whether it’s a man or a woman, your dating life needs to take a huge pause and you need to focus on getting your kids through this life altering experience before piling on a new relationship. You are cheating. Do you want them to know that, because they will figure it out and it is now forever a part of your history and who you are. Sadly, very few divorcing parents focus on their kids. One or both jump 2 feet first into their new relationship. Please don’t throw two bombs on them at once. One or both parent moves on to a new relationship with a vengeance and the kids are just she’ll shocked. The way you handle this will have lasting effects on every part of their life from this point on, including their own adult relationships and parenting.


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## re16 (Oct 9, 2012)

Its always hard to tell when someone mid-affair complains about there spouse... Is it real, or just mental gymnastics to justify the affair?

Either way, the fact that you are cheating, you should divorce your husband and tell him about your relationship with the other woman.


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## gameopoly5 (5 mo ago)

I`m still waiting for the OP to answer my questions.
I guess my assumptions about her future plans are correct, rather than confronting her husband directly, she`ll drop the bomb and take the cowards way out of her marriage.
If I`m wrong the OP can put me straight but somehow I doubt it.


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

It's never good or fair to engage a new relationship while still married or in a relationship. You are idealizing this woman because she is the opposite of your husband. In your mind since you're unhappy with your marriage and your husband something totally different will make you happy. Maybe, maybe not.

When people are unhappy and find a bit of comfort they don't think clearly and ignore red flags. It's all rainbows and unicorns for a few months and then reality sets in and you've blown up your life and ruined your integrity.

Divorce your husband first, spend some time alone, then date who you please.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

I think OP was a drive by one hit wonder, but if not....I am greatly curious if she has been with a woman sexually yet. When faced with (literally) an actual real vagina will she still be attracted??


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

Livvie said:


> I think OP was a drive by one hit wonder, but if not....I am greatly curious if she has been with a woman sexually yet. When faced with (literally) an actual real vagina will she still be attracted??


Are you saying she has only experienced fake ones up until now? 🤣


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## Love_Life (3 mo ago)

bobert said:


> The emotional side isn't the only part of a relationship. How do you feel about licking her lady bits? From your post, it sounds like you want a live in best buddy, not a lady lover.


Lol it doesn’t bother me


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## Love_Life (3 mo ago)

ccpowerslave said:


> That’s what I was getting at with my post as well. The gay part. Like what if you blow everything up marriage wise and then can’t go through with the gay part?


Lol I tried it and I enjoyed it


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## Love_Life (3 mo ago)

TexasMom1216 said:


> Do you really want this other person, or are looking to get out of your marriage?


No, I really like her. We were introduced some years ago by a mutual friend and I’ve definitely fallen for her. She has highlighted so much of what I’ve been missing and begging for from my husband without me ever telling her or saying anything to her about it.


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## Love_Life (3 mo ago)

Andy1001 said:


> Ask yourself something before you blow your life up. All these problems you are having with your husband, have they been going on for years or are you rewriting the history of your relationship to justify your feelings for this woman.
> And as far as you being gay is concerned I think what’s actually happening is that your girlfriend is showing you the affection which your marriage lacks. If you were really gay you would have known about it for years.


Honestly, I did. We’ve been in counseling about these same issues multiple times, tried different therapists. He will adjust momentarily and then slip back into his normal habits. I’ll mention it again and he’ll try but slip right back into old habits. I just don’t think he realizes how important it is to me to have a partner at home. We have a history of him down playing my issues or concerns. I tell him that nothing is a problem in our life unless, it’s a problem for him. I tell him the only time he touches me, is when he’s ready to have sex. Literally.. I’ve been saying those two phrases to him for at least 2 yrs. Every therapist we’ve spoken to, I’ve repeated those sayings to them bc that’s how I feel.
When my sex drive started to suffer and I was no longer interested in sex with him,, it became a problem for him and THAT was when he tried to change. It was like 2 weeks straight where he increased his emotional intimacy with me. Would send me sweet texts in the day, cuddle me without sex, hold my hand, try to spend QT with me and then he stopped bc he said it didn’t matter bc we still weren’t having sex like he wanted. I said… u only tried for 2 wks. His response was, that was enough.


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## Love_Life (3 mo ago)

SCDad01 said:


> IMO, your first paragraph is utter BS being said just to justify the second paragraph. Textbook for sometime committing adultery or thinking about it.
> 
> I hope once you realize the terrible mistake you've made, your husband doesn’t take you back. And I feel sorry for your kids.


You don’t live in my home so how could you accuse me of lying. You sound like a man whose wife left him for a woman. You sound butthurt. Take a hike.


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## Love_Life (3 mo ago)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> And classic making it the spouse's fault.


Lol you too


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## Love_Life (3 mo ago)

Jimi007 said:


> Have you already been intimate with this woman ?


Yes, I have


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Love_Life said:


> Yes, I have


Ma'am, you aren't going to find any support here. This forum is pro marriage and has a lot of members who have been traumatized by their partner's infidelity. I suggest you try to find another forum if you want responses that are supportive of what you are doing.


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## Love_Life (3 mo ago)

Tdbo said:


> Just do the honorable thing, tell your husband and file.
> Instead of valuing your family and doing the work to make it better and preserve it, you have decided to blow it up.
> So what if your kids come from a broken home, it's all about your "Feels," right?
> I am in no way defending your husband. Sounds like he hasn't done the work either.
> ...


Huh? So you don’t think that happy people raise happy children?


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## Love_Life (3 mo ago)

Faithful Wife said:


> Ma'am, you aren't going to find any support here. This forum is pro marriage and has a lot of members who have been traumatized by their partner's infidelity. I suggest you try to find another forum if you want responses that are supportive of what you are doing.


I see


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Love_Life said:


> No asshole, I’m working a full time job while being a full time mother and a full time housekeeper and a full time chef to jump on the internet and type battle with judgemental asshole strangers.


Outstanding. Now you're not just thinking about what you should be doing but building the nerve to act.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Love_Life said:


> No asshole, I’m working a full time job while being a full time mother and a full time housekeeper and a full time chef to jump on the internet and type battle with judgemental asshole strangers.


Are you working full time?


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Faithful Wife said:


> Ma'am, you aren't going to find any support here. This forum is pro marriage and has a lot of members who have been traumatized by their partner's infidelity. I suggest you try to find another forum if you want responses that are supportive of what you are doing.


Wow I just went back and read a few OP responses. This is a train wreck happening like a hostile takeover I'm betting.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> Outstanding. Now you're not just thinking about what you should be doing but building the nerve to act.


@Love_Life nevermind, I just went back and read your responses. 

Humorous but not uncommon in your position. So carry on. 
You might find a more peaceful environment if you were more, well, peaceful.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Love_Life said:


> No asshole, *I’m working a full time job* while being a full time mother and a full time housekeeper and a full time chef to jump on the internet and type battle with judgemental asshole strangers.





Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> Are you working full time?


It's right there in her post.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

@Love_Life 

From what you say about your husband, it sounds like you have very good reason to be upset with him. Have you heard of the "walkaway wife syndrome"? You pretty much fit the description. 

Does your husband know yet that you are seriously thinking of divorcing him?

Now about this woman you are having an affair with. Be very careful about leaving your marriage with the idea that this relationship is going to be there for you. Only about 3% of affairs end up in long-term relationships once the married person ends the affair. Affair relationships seldom stand up on their own. So, if you divorce, just know that you will most likely end up alone. You could of course then start dating and find someone new if you wish. Just don't put all your eggs in one basket so to speak.


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## Tdbo (Sep 8, 2019)

Love_Life said:


> Huh? So you don’t think that happy people raise happy children?


No, I think that a spouse that skulks around and cheats doesn't really give a damn about their family.
Honorable people deal with situations like this in one of two ways: 1) they make the effort and do the work to improve things in a constructive manner, or 2) they terminate the marital relationship in a manner that does the least amount of damage possible to the kids.
You seem to feel, tell, and hate a lot. Have you ever asked your husband what he thinks of you and the marriage? That is a fair question, because you are 50% responsible for the end product. His input would be interesting.
If you are truly that unhappy, pull the plug on it. Just be honest and above board about it. Go find someone you want to be with, allow your husband the same, and try to make the "New normal" for your kids as painless as possible.


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## Teacherwifemom (5 mo ago)

You sound super pleasant. Your poor kids. THEY are clearly not your first priority. I could never lay my head down at night and sleep if my family wasn’t my first priority. I’d be curious about your family growing up. I’ll brace myself to be cursed out, if you bother to reply.


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## 342693 (Mar 2, 2020)

Love_Life said:


> You don’t live in my home so how could you accuse me of lying. You sound like a man whose wife left him for a woman. You sound butthurt. Take a hike.


Lol…yeah, I sound like the butthurt one. You want to leave your husband and children for a woman. Destroying the lives of innocent people/kids for your own sexual gratification. Don’t expect to come to a marriage site and receive support.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

@Love_Life, it sounds like you have tried a lot to resolve your marriage issues, but there have to be two fully involved to do that successfully and it sounds like your H is NOT fully involved.
I think you are trying to handle TWO major upsetting decisions in your life, neither of which you have resolved.
You cheated on your H because of the marriage -- why do that instead of actually divorcing him first and THEN start/continue the relationship with the woman?

As far as coming out, why not resolve the divorce issue FIRST, then take your time with this other woman to really see if that is what you want long term? The divorce will be very difficult and stressful -- tackle that problem first.
If that relationship continues to grow and deepen, THEN you will know your answer and coming out to your family will just be another (hard) step along the way for that relationship? If you continue with her, your kids WILL eventually find out -- and it should come from you, not them finding out by accident.


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## gameopoly5 (5 mo ago)

Love_Life said:


> *No asshole.* I’m too busy working a full time job while being a full time mom, full time housekeeper and a full time chef to have time type battling on the internet with asshole strangers.


Why people use aggressiveness during debates or discussions can be because of a few things.
They don`t have the intellect to convey a calm credible opinion, so the aggressive side comes out and try to get personal with the people they are debating with.
The person is nervous or is feeling they are “losing” the debate so they either try to hide it with the aggressiveness, or use it to try to take control of the debate. A way of trying to overpower and bully the other participant/s into shutting up.
The aggressive person isn’t an experienced debater and think that being aggressive, whether mild or strong, is the way to “win”.
Whatever the reason, the aggressors always make themselves look foolish.
These types of people tend to have insecurities.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Teacherwifemom said:


> You sound super pleasant. Your poor kids. THEY are clearly not your first priority. I could never lay my head down at night and sleep if my family wasn’t my first priority. I’d be curious about your family growing up. I’ll brace myself to be cursed out, if you bother to reply.





Love_Life said:


> *No asshole.* I’m too busy working a full time job while being a full time mom, full time housekeeper and a full time chef to have time type battling on the internet with asshole strangers.


You have already been warned once to not name call. Please read the forum rules.

Posting Guidelines - Forum Rules (2022) | Talk About Marriage


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Love_Life said:


> No asshole. I’m too busy working a full time job while being a full time mom, full time housekeeper and a full time chef to have time type battling on the internet with asshole strangers.


How many full times can you have? Do you have clones?


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Love_Life said:


> No asshole. I’m too busy working a full time job while being a full time mom, full time housekeeper and a full time chef to have time type battling on the internet with asshole strangers.


Reread. Still funny. Like a child caught with hand in cookie jar.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

EleGirl said:


> It's right there in her post.


Too many full times at once. She has a typical life. I don't think she works full time out of the house.


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## Jimi007 (5 mo ago)

When are you going to tell your husband your cheating on him ?


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Love_Life said:


> Yes, I have


Things went from you maybe falling for a woman to admitting you've already had sex with the woman. So you've already cheated on H with her.
Anything else you've already done? Have you cheated with others?


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## Love_Life (3 mo ago)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> Things went from you maybe falling for a woman to admitting you've already had sex with the woman. So you've already cheated on H with her.
> Anything else you've already done? Have you cheated with others?


No, I’ve never cheated before this.


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## Love_Life (3 mo ago)

gameopoly5 said:


> Why people use aggressiveness during debates or discussions can be because of a few things.
> They don`t have the intellect to convey a calm credible opinion, so the aggressive side comes out and try to get personal with the people they are debating with.
> The person is nervous or is feeling they are “losing” the debate so they either try to hide it with the aggressiveness, or use it to try to take control of the debate. A way of trying to overpower and bully the other participant/s into shutting up.
> The aggressive person isn’t an experienced debater and think that being aggressive, whether mild or strong, is the way to “win”.
> ...


Or, the poster is trying to be an asshole in their response and when they get called one, the other person looks “foolish”. He said I wasn’t online responding to his comments bc I was too busy giving the woman a shot or whatever it was that he said. No, asshole. I’m not online responding when you want me too because I’m too busy dealing with my real life, in real time. It’s not a debate. There isn’t a win or loose. But when you start trying to be funny and make jabs, don’t be surprised when you get the response you’re looking for. Plenty of other people had things to say that weren’t in alignment or agreeance with my actions, that’s fine! I didn’t respond negatively to them. His comment was an asshole thing to say and that’s why he got that response.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Love_Life said:


> Well, I hope you don’t get paid to think.


You'd be surprised. And have some goofy response. So let's say I am you did and move past.

You think you're unique in your situation. And apparently too limited in some life experiences to think beyond your woe is me little box.

You've been called out as a cheater. And don't like it. Understandable. 

If you thought bigger picture and were actually more secure in your self image and beliefs you'd have already talked with H and split to do your own thing. 

But you want to continue enjoying what he provides as you think about leaving but not telling him. That says it all.


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## Diceplayer (Oct 12, 2019)

Love_Life said:


> but I’m worried about my children


So how old are your children? Has your husband always been the way he is or did he change? If he changed, was it suddenly or over time? How were things when you were dating?


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Jimi007 said:


> When are you going to tell your husband your cheating on him ?


@Love_Life

This is the most relevant question. You want to be seen as an adult, act like a grown up and let him know.

Or do you think he'll give you the boot right away?
He may not be as clueless as you think. The circumstances are similar to someone that's done this before in their M. Perhaps that's your issue.

When do you plan on telling H?


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Love_Life said:


> And, you would deserve it. It’s funny how people think they can take jabs at you online and when you respond “unpleasantly” you’re the problem. That guy knew he was being an asshole in his response. I call him one and now I’m the problem. You too, are being an asshole in your response as well and now that I’ve called you one, I am the problem. You too, seem unpleasant and I feel sorry for your kids as well especially since you have nothing better to do with your time than to talk down on strangers on the internet, I can just imagine how you respond to your loved ones. And if my kids weren’t a priority and I weren’t concerned at how this might effect them, this decision would’ve been much easier and I probably wouldn’t have posted on this forum in the first place.


Do you dislike your H so much?


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Love_Life said:


> You don’t live in my home so how could you accuse me of lying. You sound like a man whose wife left him for a woman. You sound butthurt. Take a hike.


You did lie. First it was you're thinking about getting physical with another woman then later it comes out you already did.

Is there some other metaverse where that's not telling a whopper?


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Love_Life said:


> And, you would deserve it. It’s funny how people think they can take jabs at you online and when you respond “unpleasantly” you’re the problem. That guy knew he was being an asshole in his response. I call him one and now I’m the problem. You too, are being an asshole in your response as well and now that I’ve called you one, I am the problem. You too, seem unpleasant and I feel sorry for your kids as well especially since you have nothing better to do with your time than to talk down on strangers on the internet, I can just imagine how you respond to your loved ones. And if my kids weren’t a priority and I weren’t concerned at how this might effect them, this decision would’ve been much easier and I probably wouldn’t have posted on this forum in the first place.


Talk about poor perception or relating to others.

@Teacherwifemom is and always has shown she's a kindhearted and empathetic forum member. She's sharing and reaching out to you with compassion and you're right back at calling her an AH. Sad.
Kindly meant - you may want to examine and perhaps adjust your interpersonal communication skills. Life will taste sweeter.

That kind of brings up, do you call your H an a$$h0le a lot?


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## gameopoly5 (5 mo ago)

Love_Life said:


> Or, the poster is trying to be an asshole in their response and when they get called one, the other person looks “foolish”. He said I wasn’t online responding to his comments bc I was too busy giving the woman a shot or whatever it was that he said. No, asshole. I’m not online responding when you want me too because I’m too busy dealing with my real life, in real time. It’s not a debate. There isn’t a win or loose. But when you start trying to be funny and make jabs, don’t be surprised when you get the response you’re looking for. Plenty of other people had things to say that weren’t in alignment or agreeance with my actions, that’s fine! I didn’t respond negatively to them. His comment was an asshole thing to say and that’s why he got that response.


I have participated in many forums regarding relationship problems similar to these forums and can tell you, no one likes a cheater, especially when there are children involved and those who have been on the receiving end of a cheating spouse as I have.
In my opinion cheating is in the top list form of domestic abuse and should be recognised as such.
If you are seeking any sympathy or support then you are in the wrong place.
The odds are you won`t get what you prefer to hear on any relationship forums.
Most of us on here are not idiots or a/holes and only trying to help and give you good advice, to set you on the right path.
Fools never listen to good advice or use common sense, they only learn by experience and if you continue the way you`re going you`ll end up finding yourself out in the cold.
Trust me, I speak from a lifetime of experience.
Good luck.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

gameopoly5 said:


> I have participated in many forums regarding relationship problems similar to these forums and can tell you, no one likes a cheater, especially when there are children involved and those who have been on the receiving end of a cheating spouse as I have.
> In my opinion cheating is in the top list form of domestic abuse and should be recognised as such.
> If you are seeking any sympathy or support then you are in the wrong place.
> The odds are you won`t get what you prefer to hear on any relationship forums.
> ...



As old as I am, I have met many homosexual individuals that invariably almost always have a chip on their shoulder and are snappy and quick to the trigger to react. I only ever knew of one, a childhood friend that was really gay (as in extremely happy with himself and his attitudes socially). Society has really destroyed the original meaning of the word by applying it to denote something that is not "cheerful", "happy", "bright", "showy". 

This OP, obviously, is living a sordid life, married with children, but being a cheater and awakening to her homosexuality in the darkness, but is refusing to acknowledge that she's just in the wrong, regardless of how much of an asshole, or indifferent to her, her husband might be. The mature, dignified way to had handled things was to separate and divorce the husband, then, seek whatever emotional love form she is seeking. But NOT, she's here like your typical snappy homosexual (per my experience) being an ass herself snapping at everyone that dares to to bring to her face the wrongs she's perpetrating while being married, and not thinking of the possible outcomes to her children and family.


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## re16 (Oct 9, 2012)

Love_Life said:


> Honestly, I did. We’ve been in counseling about these same issues multiple times, tried different therapists. He will adjust momentarily and then slip back into his normal habits. I’ll mention it again and he’ll try but slip right back into old habits. I just don’t think he realizes how important it is to me to have a partner at home. We have a history of him down playing my issues or concerns. I tell him that nothing is a problem in our life unless, it’s a problem for him. I tell him the only time he touches me, is when he’s ready to have sex. Literally.. I’ve been saying those two phrases to him for at least 2 yrs. Every therapist we’ve spoken to, I’ve repeated those sayings to them bc that’s how I feel.
> When my sex drive started to suffer and I was no longer interested in sex with him,, it became a problem for him and THAT was when he tried to change. It was like 2 weeks straight where he increased his emotional intimacy with me. Would send me sweet texts in the day, cuddle me without sex, hold my hand, try to spend QT with me and then he stopped bc he said it didn’t matter bc we still weren’t having sex like he wanted. I said… u only tried for 2 wks. His response was, that was enough.


How long have you been in this affair? I assume it was emotional in the beginning and then progressed to physical.

I'm asking in an attempt to figure out how that timeline interacts with the attempts at counseling etc. If you were already living this lie, it was nearly impossible to fix anything.

You should break the news to your husband, AH or not, he doesn't deserve to be living a lie, which is what you've made of the marriage....


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## karmagoround (Aug 27, 2021)

OP, you are overwhelmed you say. Im guessing that you have a counselor. What does your counselor give you for advise on how to transition our of this purgatory that you have created? Maybe a lawyer would be a better median for your situation. It sounds like you are happy with what you are doing. Do make it quick, so that your loved ones can start building new lives as well.


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

I imagine your children use the word “asshole” a lot. Plant potatoes get potatoes.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Love_Life said:


> Or, the poster is trying to be an asshole in their response and when they get called one, the other person looks “foolish”. He said I wasn’t online responding to his comments bc I was too busy giving the woman a shot or whatever it was that he said. No, asshole. I’m not online responding when you want me too because I’m too busy dealing with my real life, in real time. It’s not a debate. There isn’t a win or loose. But when you start trying to be funny and make jabs, don’t be surprised when you get the response you’re looking for. Plenty of other people had things to say that weren’t in alignment or agreeance with my actions, that’s fine! I didn’t respond negatively to them. His comment was an asshole thing to say and that’s why he got that response.


The Mods see that you are in distress.
Lucky for you.

The fact that you are the original poster, the OP, who started this thread, gives you a bit more latitude.
Some latitude with that attitude of yours.

Under extenuating circumstances, certain aggressive _*attitudes*_ can be tolerated, , just do not go_ *at-it-rude.*_

Take the advice that pleases you, and just, justly, unjustly, ignore the rest.


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## Love_Life (3 mo ago)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> You did lie. First it was you're thinking about getting physical with another woman then later it comes out you already did.
> 
> Is there some other metaverse where that's not telling a whopper?


I did not say I was thinking of being physical. Quote it if that’s the case like you’ve quoted everything else.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

I went back and re-read your opening post.

For a couple of reasons.....

_One_, to see your dilemma, minus the following snark.
I needed to clear the battlefield of cannons, rifles w/bayonets, and of course, the long knives.

_Two_, to give you what you need, succinctly, in a few words.


_Divorce your husband, take well care of your children.
Go slowly, have no set action in mind.
Start a new life, having a better frame of mind._

And, Ach!

*Never go into detail, with any of your personal thoughts.
Not, with anyone.

We are all, an open book, until the moment we speak.
From that point on, you are spelled out, and pigeon-_holed,_ forever.


*In your case, you have a tendency to make readily, those (open) enemies.
Beware any partners you take on, whether, personal or business.
Maybe, keep a close eye on your 2d child?

Watch you tongue, if you instill resentment in others, it will be repaid to you, as an off-shoot dis-investment.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Love_Life said:


> I did not say I was thinking of being physical. Quote it if that’s the case like you’ve quoted everything else.


Like this?
Here's your sign...


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Love_Life said:


> I did not say I was thinking of being physical. Quote it if that’s the case like you’ve quoted everything else.


Quoted above this post..... Don't miss it. 😉


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

I think if you have intense feelings for someone else, even if nothing sexual at all has happened yet, it would mean in my opinion, that you've checked out of your marriage, and probably should legally check out. If it's not this woman, it may be someone else. 

This woman that you've met and the feelings that she brings out in you, may just be a symptom that you're simply not into your husband or marriage, anymore. Just my take on it, anyway.


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## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

Love_Life said:


> .. I’m thinking of divorcing my husband. I’ve felt like I was missing something from him for a while and I’ve constantly complained about a lack of intimacy for years. I tell him the only time he touches me is when he’s ready to have sex. We don’t really go out and date like we used to, especially after COVID. I’ve told him that I feel like we’re roommates. I hate feeling like he’s a third child (we have two together). I hate how he acts like he can’t figure anything out on his own. I hate being responsible for so much. I hate how I don’t feel like he’s a good partner / team player. This man will lay in bed watching tv all day and literally watch me clean the whole house. When I get upset, he says I’m just mad bc he doesn’t do things when “I want him to do it”. I just feel like he’s lazy and I work so much harder than him. He makes good money and I feel like he thinks that’s literally ALL he has to do. Anyways, I’ve had these complaints for years. I’ll say something and he’ll fix it temporarily and then slowly revert back to his old ways.
> 
> Fast forward to present, I was introduced to a woman who is lesbian through a mutual friend and… I’ve fallen in love with her. The emotional intimacy is something I’ve never experienced. The way she cares for me, it’s like she reads my mind and gives me what I need without me ever having to ask. She has common sense which I think my husband seriously lacks. I just feel like my life would be so much easier with a woman (her) compared to a man (him). This is my FIRST experience with a woman. And I’m really considering making some major life changes. Not only is the divorce a lot but at the same time.. coming out to my family, friends, children …as lesbian or even bisexual..is so scary. Honestly, I‘ve been so sick and anxious about this decision that I’ve lost at least 10 lbs in the last couple of months. I think I need to decide and stop being on the fence so I can finally have some peace of mind but.. it’s hard. I am crying writing this. I just feel in my heart, I would be happier with her but I’m worried about my children and the divorce process etc. as well.
> Any advice is appreciated.


You should read the book Untamed by Glennon Doyle.


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

So people don’t become lesbians for sex. In fact, usually to get out of having sex. So how’s your sex life with your husband? Non existent?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Here's more....

Newly Wed Looking for Advice | Talk About Marriage


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

RebuildingMe said:


> So people don’t become lesbians for sex. In fact, usually to get out of having sex. So how’s your sex life with your husband? Non existent?


Most excellent and relevant question.


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

Love_Life said:


> Or, the poster is trying to be an asshole in their response and when they get called one, the other person looks “foolish”. He said I wasn’t online responding to his comments bc I was too busy giving the woman a shot or whatever it was that he said. No, asshole. I’m not online responding when you want me too because I’m too busy dealing with my real life, in real time. It’s not a debate. There isn’t a win or loose. But when you start trying to be funny and make jabs, don’t be surprised when you get the response you’re looking for. Plenty of other people had things to say that weren’t in alignment or agreeance with my actions, that’s fine! I didn’t respond negatively to them. His comment was an asshole thing to say and that’s why he got that response.


I am not sure why you are here. You clearly don't care about hearing any advice that doesn't make you feel good about your choices, and your ego is threatened by any harsh criticism of the selfish choices you have made.

You are on a MARRIAGE forum, and you are angry that you aren't getting support for being a cheater...??

Looking at your unclear motives for even posting here, and your responses to difficult and (accurate) unsupportive posts, and your admitted actions against your husband, I believe YOU are the problem in your marriage. You appear to be selfish, entitled, a user, and very immature and hateful. 

At first, I was thinking that your new girlfriend might not be as wonderful as you think she is....but now I actually feel sorry for her that she is going to end up with someone like you, because it sounds like you are the one who is portraying a much better version of yourself to her (like you obviously did to your husband), that who you truly are. I feel BAD for the people who are foolish enough to trust you.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> Quoted above this post..... Don't miss it. 😉


You have misinterpreted her. In her first post she said she was considering making some big life changes, and what she meant was getting divorced and being with this woman. Then later someone asked if they had been intimate and she said yes they had already.

Why keep beefing about semantics? Let her just hang around a bit longer and she will see for herself what the forum is like, ie: that cheaters don't really get any slack regardless of the reasons for cheating.


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## Quad73 (May 10, 2021)

Love_Life said:


> When my sex drive started to suffer and I was no longer interested in sex with him,, it became a problem for him and THAT was when he tried to change. It was like 2 weeks straight where he increased his emotional intimacy with me. Would send me sweet texts in the day, cuddle me without sex, hold my hand, try to spend QT with me and then he stopped bc he said it didn’t matter bc we still weren’t having sex like he wanted. I said… u only tried for 2 wks. His response was, that was enough.


The rest I'll leave others with more experience to comment on.

2 weeks was far too long to acknowledge the effort. 2 weeks for a guy IS forever. This part at least, I'll agree with him on.


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## Jimi007 (5 mo ago)

None of this really matters...You have already made up your mind. You are cheating on your husband and that will not stop. I'm not sure why you are here ? For validation, maybe. And your AP knows you are married and doesn't really give a F#ck. 
It's all about me...It's all about You. Unfortunately I get that you are confused 😕 
Your kids are going to really be messed up when this all comes out. It's a teaching situation and you are the teacher. Take a step back and look at things as if this was someone else's issue. What advice would you give ?


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

RebuildingMe said:


> So people don’t become lesbians for sex. In fact, usually to get out of having sex. So how’s your sex life with your husband? Non existent?


@Love_Life no response? I assume sexless. Just the way you want it.


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## TAMAT (Jun 20, 2015)

Love_Life,

I would ask that you consider why she is seeming so perfect to you. When someone speaks glowingly of a person it's a red flag, narcissits and psychopaths are very good at convincing others of their perfection and decency.

People, especially people trying to seduce you, are sometimes not who they really are at the early stages of a relationship. She is saying everything you want to hear, but once she owns you that can change.

I've known lesbians who are abusive, users and serial cheaters who destroyed their partners credit rating and heath and got them into drinking and drugs.

The fact that this woman is willing to cheat with a married woman and disrupt childrens lives strongly suggests she is not the wonderful person you believe.

What do you know of her prior relationships? This is likely your future don't take her stories about why they ended as true.

Is this woman safe enough to have around your children?

I'm not saying any of the above is true since I only have a few words that you wrote on her, it's just that infatuation blinds people.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

EleGirl said:


> Here's more....
> 
> Newly Wed Looking for Advice | Talk About Marriage


Unbelievable. Back in July she was whining about her husband not liking her friend that is a bad influence and introduced her to a woman she cheated on him with in the past. At that time there was NO-way she would sleep with that woman again, lol. What a load of crap. She was looking for justification of her ****ty behavior then, now she cheated again and is looking for justification again. I'm not even sure why she is allowed to keep posting her. She has more than one account, I'm sure to try and cover her past posts. She wants us to forget all about that and pity her because she has such a terrible husband.


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