# Don't Touch Me



## snowysunshine (Jun 2, 2010)

Hi there!

I'm new to this marriage forum. I need some advice about what to do about my husband. 

We've been married just over 7 months now, but were together for 3 years before we got married. 

Since we've been married, I've noticed that he's very, or rather, not very interested in me touching him. When I try to touch him, he shoos my hands away, or he moves away, or just pretty much indicates by his actions that he doesn't want to be touched. 

We had discussions about this before. It's not like I'm grabbing his package, or anything like that. Usually I'm just touching his arm, or his back or something like that. It really hurts my feelings when he does this, and when I press the matter, he states that it's because he's ticklish. It seems like it's pretty random/convenient for him, because there's times when it doesn't bother him at all, and other times where he won't let me touch him at all. 

What should I do? I'm really starting to get a complex about it, and I don't think it's fair that he thinks it's fine for him to feel me up whenever he wants to, but I can't even touch his arm? What the frig is that? At the same time, I'm very tired of arguing with him about the same issue over and over again.  It's always the same thing, and finally I give in, and he's happy, and I'm left saddened and feeling like I'm disgusting or something, because he doesn't even want me to touch him.


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## Susan2010 (Apr 19, 2010)

I understand how you feel and how frustrating that can be, but I think maybe you place too much emphasis on it and take it too personally too. I'd like you to try standing in his shoes. Imagine the very most irritating thing a person can do to you. Now imagine them doing it all the time despite your protests. Now imagine them trying to force you to allow them to do it. Now imagine them arguing with you because you don't want them to do it. Kind of sounds absurd now, doesn't it?

I wonder if he doesn't allow it at times he is angry or is trying to punish you. If not that, then touching simply isn't his love language. In addition to learning to respect your husband's wishes and his personal space, learn about the languages of love. You might be aware of something that he very much likes you to do, but you don't do it often enough because you don't know to interpret that as being his love language.

You have your own love languages too, and I can see that touching and being touched is one of them. It's great to be able to communicate with each other on a loving level of mutual respect and consideration. It just makes more sense to be understanding than annoying. Just like it irritates you to keep being rejected and arguing about something that seems so simple, he is even more irritated because he keeps asking you not to do it, but you're not listening. That can put a weighty strain on your marriage unnecessarily.


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## Crypsys (Apr 22, 2010)

snowysunshine, I am not a touchy feely guy myself. Even during sex, I don't want to be massaged, rubbed, etc. It took me time to realize that my wife IS a touch person (that is one of her love languages). For a while I was like your husband, I very rarely initiated hugs, holding hands, massages, sitting next to each other, etc. 

But once I realized that the touch is important for her, I made it part of my routine. As Susan said both of you take the languages of love test, it should bring things like that to light. 

Your husband will need to work on touching you more and letting you touch him. He will have to work on it, but after it becomes a habit (6 months or more) it will become natural for him and he can do it without thinking.

For you once you learn what his love languages are you can work to fulfill those for him.


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