# Poor Choices



## minnesotasoxfan (Apr 21, 2011)

I made some poor choices with money that resulted in me doing something illegal (fraud). I tried to keep this from my wife and she found it. When she found it she said that she could no longer trust me and felt that I should leave because she didn't want to feel like my mother and keep looking over my shoulder to make sure I wasn't doing something else. I know that I have embarassed her and the family and wont do it again. I have told her this and apologized for my behavior but she still is angry. I told her I am willing to do what ever it takes to correct the situation. She is concerned because her job does not provide her with enough money to pay for the entire bills for the house. I told her that I will make sure my paycheck is deposited into her account so that she feels safe about the money and since I don't need any of it except for a small amount. 

Is there anything else I could or can do to make her feel safe besides just give her time to heal and back off?


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Have you asked her what you can do to make her feel safer? Maybe give up your debit and credit cards, or take you off the signing authority of your "main" bank account and just leave you with access to your own small amount of funds.

C


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## bunny23 (May 19, 2011)

This will take some time. I think you are on the right track, have her handle the finances, and stay on the straight with money from now on. Trust can be rebuilt


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

I think a good place to start would be with a little frankness. Your problem isn't primarily that you made some bad financial decisions. Your problem is that your lapse of character convinced you to turn to one or more criminal acts (felonies in this state), basically compounding a bad decision with a dishonorable, terrible decision. You did more than embarrass her. You placed her security at risk, her financial reputation, her moral reputation, home, savings, etc. She likely wonders how many other skeletons exist that she doesn't know about. She might wonder what you might do the next time things get tight. If this fraud has yet to be prosecuted, it hangs over her head just as it does, yours. You could be arrested, sued, or both, pretty much any time. How does she come up with bail, attorney's fees, restitution, etc? How does she keep the household going while you're unemployed or in prison? Maybe I'm reading too much into your post, but fraud in the strict legal definition, is a pretty big deal. Basically, in whatever form, it's the combination of a theft and a lie and neither attribute looks great on your husband resume'. How much money are we talking and has it been paid back? Not only did you commit two dishonest acts, but actually a third because you concealed your crimes from your wife. It's perfectly understandable that she doesn't trust you right now and that she feels insecure. How did she find out?


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