# I need support



## mlc (May 6, 2010)

I have just ended an otherwise great relationship because when my fiancee has stressful things in his life, he does whatever he can to damage our relationship. This is the third time he's done it. I have to break it off because even though 99% of the time we get along great, these things he does when he is stressed are deal breakers...I already gave him two chances to fix this...the last occurrence happened over a year ago, so i thought everything would be fine...he experienced a great deal of stress and didn't take it out on me at all...last weekend he had a meltdown and after a disagreement left me standing on a street with no way home and no one to call. how can i trust the man who is supposed to take care of me to actually be there for me when he is capable of leaving me literally stranded? i love him very much and i understand his problem, but if he isn't going to take care of me, i have to...i am so devastated and hurt. i never had to leave someone i love before. i don't want to leave him.


----------



## Crypsys (Apr 22, 2010)

In this case that may be your best option. Maybe with you being gone it will allow him to really understand how much he's hurting you. It's never okay when angry at someone to hit or dump them on the street, alone. You can still love someone and know it's unhealthy to be around them. But when the threats of physical violence loom, you need to leave. I know you haven't said directly there was physical violence, but from my own experiences as a child if it hasn't happened already it may soon happen. That is the same kind of thing my Father started doing. Soon after, the violence started.


----------



## Susan2010 (Apr 19, 2010)

_how can i trust the man who is supposed to take care of me to actually be there for me when he is capable of leaving me literally stranded?_

That's a really good question, but a better question is the reason he did it. Sounds like there is some kind of problem, and you are not equipped to diagnose him. Nor, can you risk your future safety and happiness to his uncontrollable proclivity because this will surely happen again. What he does next time - and the time after that, and the time after that - could be much worse. You have to see it is not normal that he reacts this way to stress and that he has terrible coping skills. If everyone did this, what an exceedingly much worse mess the world would be in. And I think the worst part is he takes his stress out on you. He is already out of control.

Bravo for you for breaking up with him. That might have been an angry reaction, which means you are already prepared to forgive him upon apology. But I hope not. I understand the relationship is otherwise good. I understand you love him. But you have to understand what the dating period is supposed to be about. It's not just to fall in love and be with the person. It should be used as a period of scrutiny to determine if this person is right for you. Making that determination is mutually exclusive of the feelings you have for him. Most people, mostly women, ignore all the signs that present themselves during the dating period because they "luuuuve him!" and want so badly to get married. In due time, they are writing on message boards about all the problems and terrible things "my husband" did to them. I hope you will not find yourself back here (or some other board) complaining about what he did to you yet again because he responds to stress so badly, has terrible coping skills, and has decided yet again to take it all out on you.

I know you love him. You can and will love again. You met him. You will meet another. Be strong. And bravo for you!


----------



## lola_b (Aug 28, 2009)

I definitely think that he needs some counseling to help him learn how to deal with stressful situations in better ways. If you do love him and he wants to be with you, then I think that counseling should be a condition that you want from him in order to stay together, it will help him more than you and he needs the help.

I also think that relying on a guy to take care of you is a horrible mindset and you will always find something to be disappointed about when he doesn't always fulfill your wants and needs. You should be able to take care of yourself in any situation. Have a cell phone, your own car, your own credit, your own income, etc. You always need to look out for yourself, first and foremost. Don't rely on a man...


----------

