# Major Drama and I feel powerless



## landrews235 (May 12, 2016)

My husband and I have been married for 2 years. I have a 7 year old daughter from a previous marriage. Because of my work schedule, I have her 35 percent of the time. 

My husband is very good to her, but he also has a temper. He gets into arguments in front of my daughter... and recently he threatened to leave us at a restaurant because of the argument. He was going to drive off and leave us without a car. My daughter got upset and I calmed her down and I told my husband to come back! My daughter literally said "this isn't very good parenting".

Well, she went back and told her dad and he HATES my husband because of the temper issues and he's jealous of him too..

Well, in addition to that -- we had a domestic violence inquiry because I had broken my ankle and the doctor was suspicious. My husband was charged but it was indeed an accident. He will get off of the charge -- but it's a mess right now as we fight it.

My ex found out about all of this and he is preventing me from being around my daughter and taking me back to court. I freaked out and left my husband for the night when he was arrested because I knew that my ex would immediately take my daughter from me.

My husband says that he and his family were destroyed that I abandoned him in his greatest time of need and while he is begging me back and I am back -- he is extremely upset about the fact that I left at all. He says I am not going to lose my daughter and that I need to fight by his side. He says "first step is call the state and get me off this ridiculous charge and THEN we will fight your ex". 

I am in major pain -- I love the life I used to have with my husband, but now -- it's torment. He told me during a fight last night -- when I pointed out that I am essentially chosing him over my own child by staying with him -- until he court hearing for my daughter. He said "stop dangling you custody problems over my head like a carrot"... 

I am very sad. I am VERY angry -- and I"m trying to figure out if there's any chance at saving my marriage AND having my daughter.

What would you suggest?/


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

landrews235 said:


> Well, in addition to that -- we had a domestic violence inquiry because I had broken my ankle *and the doctor was suspicious*. My husband was charged but it was indeed an accident. He will get off of the charge -- but it's a mess right now as we fight it.


Why in the world would your doctor be suspicious unless there was something odd about your story? 

He not only had an inquiry but they had sufficient cause to charge him.

Young lady, are you sure that you are ok? Are you safe?


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## landrews235 (May 12, 2016)

Yes, I am safe. They did have sufficient cause to charge him because when the police came to the house, he lied to them about how it happened. He suggested we say a different story to my ex to make sure that he doesn't try to make a deal out of it. So he told police that it happened in a different way - than when I reported it at the hospital.

So, that caused a major red flag, but he did this because he thought it was my ex who called the police for a wellness check. 

Police saw him very nervous and lying.... so that caused them to take it further. 

But, overall -- am I a bad parent here? I love my husband -- but I am trying to determine how to proceed....


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## kristin2349 (Sep 12, 2013)

landrews235 said:


> Yes, I am safe. They did have sufficient cause to charge him because when the police came to the house, he lied to them about how it happened. He suggested we say a different story to my ex to make sure that he doesn't try to make a deal out of it. So he told police that it happened in a different way - than when I reported it at the hospital.
> 
> So, that caused a major red flag, but he did this because he thought it was my ex who called the police for a wellness check.
> 
> ...



When your daughter said "this isn't very good parenting" she wasn't just talking about him. YOU are her parent and your first responsibility is to your child not to your H.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

For your daughter's sake, please leave this man. Take it from someone who has been there.. I was married to a man who became increasing worse to my daughter over the few years we were married, and I left. You get ONE chance at this with her, don't blow it. Your H sounds like an a$$hole anyway, so you should end this anyway. 

Why are you not telling us what happened to your ankle?


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

landrews235 said:


> My husband is very good to her, but he also has a temper.





3Xnocharm said:


> Why are you not telling us what happened to your ankle?


This^^^. And why lie to the police?

Your ex was right in this case, IMO. You might be divorced but he seems to still care about your safety.


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## Lostme (Nov 14, 2014)

You are picking him over your daughter, by being with him now. I would not put up with some man that not only wanted to leave me behind but my daughter as well.

Do you want her to grow up thinking this is how a man treats a woman?

Why is your ex jealous of him? or is that something your husband just says?


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## landrews235 (May 12, 2016)

Here's what happened to my ankle: We were arguing and I wanted to leave the house....He was blocking the door because he didn't want me to leave. I told him to leave the room -- he wouldn't.

So, I was ticked and I tried running past him and my ankle got caught on the strap of luggage that was near the door and I some how broke it as I tried to bolt past him. The doctor thought that sounded suspicious.

His family is blaming me for this and said that it was CLEARLY an accident and I should be going to the state and making sure he is protected. 

The issue has caused major problems because he has been charged. He has to report to his employer and he could lose work. On mother's day I went with him to see his family. His mother gave me a gift but started crying and whispered in my ear "it's very difficult for me having you here".. She was mad that I left my husband and went to be with my daughter when he was arrested. I called her and had her bail him out.

She has turned all of his family pretty much against me. When I told my husband what she whispered to me he said that I was wrong ...lying...that should would never say that to me. And he hates that I'm trying to distance him from his family. He said -- at least my family was there for me -- after I got arrested. YOU took off.....

So....I'm back with him now -- I don't have custody of my daughter until we go to court and I try to tell judge that I am a good mom...despite all of this crap.

And with his arrest - he is not doing all that well. We were flying the day after mother's day and the enormity of the situation hit him and he began saying he needed to "get rid of everyone's problem" ....He then said he wanted to die. He talked about killing himself so "all of everyone's problems disappear"..

I called his mother later in the day and told her I was nervous ....she said he's just under a lot of stress... and that I should just continue praying for him and then said that MY injury is the problem for everyone.


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## NoChoice (Feb 12, 2012)

OP,
This story is suspect. The law enforcement officers are not in the habit of arresting people because they are nervous, that is not a chargeable offense. I suspect you are not being wholly forthcoming with the truth but in any event, you need to be concerned about you and your daughter's safety. Your H needs help for for his temper issues before there is irreparable damage done.

Until he can control his anger he is a clear and present danger to you both. Your ex is right to be concerned about your daughter around a man of such violent tendencies and so should you be.


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

You felt the need to run from him during an argument.
He tried to keep you from leaving by physically barring the exit.
You admit he has a bad temper.
He was willing to leave you at a restaurant with no way home.

He isn't worth your daughter. Leave him and be alone. 

If it is this bad now, this early on in the relationship, he will get worse. His temper will get worse and so will his behavior. HE is willing to drive off to get away after an argument but YOU aren't allowed to even leave the ROOM? No. He is controlling. Is he verbally abusive? It sounds like he certainly could be.


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## landrews235 (May 12, 2016)

Yes, the last few days he has been increasingly worse about the verbal stuff.

He literally told me that he was "stupid to ever help me".... said a couple times over the last few days that he was going to sell HIS house and move to a one bedroom apartment...."what do you want to do with your stuff?" 

I freaked out and said are you saying you are moving without me??? He said well we have to downsize...we are broke thanks to this legal fight....and you are going to have to figure out what you are going to do.

He has said that I use my injury and my child as a "carrot dangling over his head"....then he said that of all the women he dated with kids....HIS kids had never had so much trouble getting along with them...like they do with my daughter. WHICH IS TOTALLY FALSE! My daughter is great -- HIS kids are older and rude. They didn't even call or text me on mother's day....despite all that I do for them.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

landrews235 said:


> Yes, the last few days he has been increasingly worse about the verbal stuff.
> 
> He literally told me that he was "stupid to ever help me".... said a couple times over the last few days that he was going to sell HIS house and move to a one bedroom apartment...."what do you want to do with your stuff?"
> 
> ...


Good, let him move alone. File for divorce ASAP, how can you even be NEAR this man??


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

landrews235 said:


> Here's what happened to my ankle: We were arguing and I wanted to leave the house....He was blocking the door because he didn't want me to leave. I told him to leave the room -- he wouldn't.
> 
> So, I was ticked and I tried running past him and my ankle got caught on the strap of luggage that was near the door and I some how broke it as I tried to bolt past him. The doctor thought that sounded suspicious.


Young Lady, to us, what you just said is that you were injured in an attempt to escape from an abusive/domestic situation. He blocked the door to prevent you from leaving. No wonder he lied to the police.

Your doctor did right. Your ex-H did you a favor. 

Please,please just CALL your local domestic violence center and talk to them. You do not have to visit. Just give them a call. They can help you better than strangers on the internet.


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## niceguy28 (May 6, 2016)

This is tough but you are in the middle of a mess and you and your daughter probably need to get yourselves out of the situation. Your EX is 100% correct in his feelings towards your husband. If my daughter was around someone with a quick temper and she came back and told me I would most certainly get involved. No questions about it. Also, now you are going to have serious issues with his kids because they will blame you for him getting arrested. This is one of the main reasons why people need to do everything they possibly can to make marriages/relationships workout when they have kids with somebody. Things can get really messy.


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

kristin2349 said:


> When your daughter said "this isn't very good parenting" she wasn't just talking about him. YOU are her parent and your first responsibility is to your child not to your H.


Why would you be with a man that treats you like that? To disrespect you in public in front of your daughter is unacceptable. It is better to be struggling by yourself than to be with a man like this. What are you modeling for your daughter. Take [email protected] from a man so you can have material comforts.

What is the story with the ex? Did you leave him to be with this guy? 

With the exploding divorce rate, there are so many woman with kids. Not every man is capable of being a step dad. I would think it's actually a minority of men that can do it. As her parent you really need to be VERY picky of who you let into your lives. It sounds like you didn't do your homework.


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## landrews235 (May 12, 2016)

I feel to blame for the arrest -- but I feel he caused it because I would never have to have done that -- if he would have just let me leave the room. He was out of control ...as was I ...because I don't like to be cornered!

His family blames me -- and actually part of me wants to make sure these charges go through because he just isn't learning his lesson. He thinks that he can control me in every way -- and that's just tough pill for me to swallow. He wants every cent that I make too -- and gives me crap for just about anything I spend.

I had to travel for work last week and he insisted that he cancel his work and come along. He paid 900 dollars for a flight! We were only there for one day -- and while my company picked up the hotel -- he chose to spend about 1200 dollars of OUR money so he come come on this trip which provided zero value to him. The only reason? He didn't want me along with a bunch of rich successful men! 




niceguy28 said:


> This is tough but you are in the middle of a mess and you and your daughter probably need to get yourselves out of the situation. Your EX is 100% correct in his feelings towards your husband. If my daughter was around someone with a quick temper and she came back and told me I would most certainly get involved. No questions about it. Also, now you are going to have serious issues with his kids because they will blame you for him getting arrested. This is one of the main reasons why people need to do everything they possibly can to make marriages/relationships workout when they have kids with somebody. Things can get really messy.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Your husband is abusive. Refusing to let you leave a room is one of the first signs of an abuser. Blaming it on you is the first sign. Jealousy and following you on a trip is another. Touching you that way is another. Leaving you and a CHILD at a restaurant is another. Your ex-husband is right to keep your daughter away from him because of the abuse and you because you won't defend your daughter by refusing to accept the abuse. These situations only get worse, they never get better. And it's clear he is this way because his family created it and enables it, which means he has no reason to get better. And you are teaching your daughter that women should be and do get abused, so guess what kind of guy SHE is going to look for? 

Do the right thing and leave him. Tell him that if he completes consistent, year-long anger management therapy, you will consider getting back together, but not until then.

Hopefully by then YOU will have been in therapy long enough to believe what we're telling you - that he's abusive and will never change.

The following is a synopsis of what you'll learn about in the book Why Does He Do That? Inside The Minds Of Angry And Controlling Men. You need to read it.
http://www.the-ripple-effect.info/pdf/isitreallyabuse.pdf

https://www.amazon.com/Why-Does-He-That-Controlling-ebook/dp/B000Q9J0RO


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## staarz21 (Feb 6, 2013)

If my ex was hanging around someone such as your H, I wouldn't let my kid around them either. I'm sorry you're in this situation, but I am siding with your ex on this, and it's likely the judge will too. 

You need to leave your H.


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## landrews235 (May 12, 2016)

That's exactly what I told my husband....I said my ex has a great point and far too much ammo against us! We keep handing it to him. 

He said "oh so now you are on HIS side...why don't you got back to him and see if he can pay your bills"

That's his dig on my ex because I was the bread winner. I make decent money now but my husband makes more than I do. 

It's just all very insulting. Frankly, it hurts. 

As for his family being mad at ME -- does that sound right? Their son fights with me so badly it breaks my ankle -- he lies to police and they hate me because I'm leaving to be with my daughter who I will probably lose custody of -- if I stay with my husband ? Don't they care? 

They just call my ex an evil monster and literally said they hope he dies a slow and painful death. I had to sit there and just listen to that...





staarz21 said:


> If my ex was hanging around someone such as your H, I wouldn't let my kid around them either. I'm sorry you're in this situation, but I am siding with your ex on this, and it's likely the judge will too.
> 
> You need to leave your H.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

Often in a domestic violence situation, the abuser will make the victim feel that they are to blame.

Your comment worries us : "I feel to blame for the arrest "

Please check out this link for the National Domestic Violence Hotline. You might not think this applies to you. We do and we can see this situation more objectively than you.

The National Domestic Violence Hotline | 24/7 Confidential Support


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## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

Toxic family..... toxic man. Leave him for the sake of your daughter.

ETA: Some resources to begin educating you on all the faces of abuse.... http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general-relationship-discussion/319418-abuse-thread.html

And my signature link below contains many books, websites, articles, etc regarding abuse. Break the silence.... break the cycle.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

landrews235 said:


> Don't they care?


*No, they do not.* They are just as bad as your current husband.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

landrews235 said:


> They just call my ex an evil monster and literally said they hope he dies a slow and painful death.* I had to sit there *and just listen to that...


Curious. Why do you say this? Why do you say you 'had' to sit there and listen to it?


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## WonkyNinja (Feb 28, 2013)

landrews235 said:


> Yes, I am safe. They did have sufficient cause to charge him because when the police came to the house, he lied to them about how it happened. He suggested we say a different story to my ex to make sure that he doesn't try to make a deal out of it. So he told police that it happened in a different way - than when I reported it at the hospital.
> 
> So, that caused a major red flag, but he did this because he thought it was my ex who called the police for a wellness check.
> 
> ...


I hate to sound harsh but to answer your question - Yes.

Your ex-H is totally correct in keeping your daughter away from your H and you need to stand up for your daughter. Your H doesn't get to take his anger out on her ever, for any reason and you need to decide if you are there for your daughter or your H.

He needs to get help immediately.

If he doesn't you could well find yourself not seeing your daughter at all. If I were your ex-H I'd have reported you to child protective services already to get a change custody order started.


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## MarriedDude (Jun 21, 2014)

The only thing you are to blame for is staying. 

How long do you plan on letting him do these things to you? To your daughter?

Real grown up men..

Don't Restrain Women
Don't threaten to abandon women and children
Don't scare little girls

They sure as hell don't blame others for their own fk-uppery. 

He is showing you who he really is. In times of stress...people tend to show their true colors....knowing this...how safe do you really feel?


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Your daughter comes first in this situation. Why is this even a question for you? It's not like your husband is Prince Charming and looks out for your welfare. BTW, you didn't need to try to run past him - you could have called the police because he was restricting your movements. Did you ask him why he thought he had the right to imprison you?


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## MarriedDude (Jun 21, 2014)

turnera said:


> Curious. Why do you say this? Why do you say you 'had' to sit there and listen to it?


^^^^This.

From what you have written...you sound afraid of him...and his family. 

You do understand...you don't HAVE TO do anything with/for him. Control is not love.


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## BlueWoman (Jan 8, 2015)

landrews235 said:


> That's exactly what I told my husband....I said my ex has a great point and far too much ammo against us! We keep handing it to him.
> 
> He said "oh so now you are on HIS side...why don't you got back to him and see if he can pay your bills"
> 
> ...


You seemed focused on everyone elses behavior, without looking at your self. 

It is not relevant what you "tell" your husband. It is not relevant what his family things or says. All that is relevant is what *You* do about it. The only responsible thing to do is leave your husband. Talking to him isn't going to change him, crying isn't going to change him,threatening him isn't going to change him. Leaving may or may not change him, but either way, it keeps him for abusing you, and it might save your relationship with your daughter. 

Quite frankly, you shouldn't have access to your daughter. Your most important job is to protect her, and you are not doing that. And in the meantime, instead of taking responsibility for that fact that you chose badly, you are busy trying to convince us that you are some kind of martyr. 

I am hoping your ex gets full custody of your daughter. She deserves better than a mother who won't stand up for her.


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## NoChoice (Feb 12, 2012)

OP,
I was typing my first response when you gave the explanation of your accident and after reading your additional information I have serious concerns about this man's mental stability, becoming suicidal over these problems. It seems more likely that he is playing heavily on your guilt but even so it is disconcerting.


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## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

Very solid advice coming at you OP, so I will add to it that if you choose to stay with this man you will be choosing to be complicit in the abuse of your daughter. Even if he never lays a hand on her, by him abusing you in front of her that IS abuse and therefore if you return to him in his current condition you will be consciously choosing to be complicit in future abuse of her and yourself.


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## landrews235 (May 12, 2016)

I can totally see what you are saying ...in regards to why I felt I had to sit and listen to his family berate my ex etc.... is because I felt on pins and needles when I entered their home on Mother's day. He was trying to bring me BACK into the family and wanted me to embrace them and vice versa. I did leave him after the arrest and I didnt respond to his mother's calls after I initially called her and his lawyer. I just left town... I couldn't take it.

I can only imagine what my husband has since told them about me. I found out that he called our accountant even and said that we were divorcing and that I took more money out of the checking account than I should have (I had to get a rental house for a place to stay!). He told the accountant what happened and that I abandoned him.... 

He SAYS that he told all the nay sayers that he thought I was just scared and I left because of my daughter....but his mother seems to despise me now.

I just feel conflicted. I love my husband - but he is such a fire cracker. Just when I feel things are ok - he blows up about money or my daughter or my ex....you name it. He is constantly blowing up... and I don't see the man I met -- who was so calm and sweet to me. That side is there only about 3 hours a day -- the rest -- is egg shells lately.


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## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

He was *grooming* you when you met....

Out of the FOG

Now you are seeing the real him

Any sweetness after a blow up is* hoovering*


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

landrews235 said:


> He is constantly blowing up... and I don't see the man I met -- who was so calm and sweet to me. That side is there only about 3 hours a day -- the rest -- is egg shells lately.


That is the second most common trait of an abuser - charming your socks off while he's pursuing you and, once he has you, turning into the REAL person.

Read the book.


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## BlueWoman (Jan 8, 2015)

Who cares what his mother says? Who cares what he told the accountant? Who cares what he said to you? You are completely focused on the wrong things. 


All that matters is what you *do*. Two choices: 1) stay with him, knowing that he is showing all the signs of being an abuser and that he is very soon going to hit you and then blame you for it. If you choose that, give up your daughter. Wreck your own life if you want, but don't do that to her.
2) Leave him. Recognize that he isn't actually the man you fell in love with. Get counseling to determine why you tolerated the abuse, and apologize to your daughter for making such a bad choice, and then try to make ammends. 

Instead of whining about him, tell us what are your plans to fix this? Have you rented a house? When are you moving out? or when are you signing papers giving full custody to your ex?


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## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

landrews235 said:


> I just feel conflicted. I love my husband - but he is such a fire cracker. Just when I feel things are ok - he blows up about money or my daughter or my ex....you name it. He is constantly blowing up... and I don't see the man I met -- who was so calm and sweet to me. That side is there only about 3 hours a day -- the rest -- is egg shells lately.


Calling him a firecracker instead of abuser is *minimizing*

Education about abuse and soliciting professional support is what will get you out of this situation. If you are at risk of losing your daughter you need to be making the moves needed to prove that you've got what it takes to protect her.


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## MarriedDude (Jun 21, 2014)

I have known several very smart capable young women...that have been in situations very similar to yours. They were tricked, just like you. They were manipulated...just like you. Men like this, know exactly what to say...exactly what you need to hear...They use this ability to get you right where they want you to be. 

For them to escape...to leave...they had to understand that:

1. They don't have to put up with this.
2. While they may have given a person too much control....they can take it back.
3. There is NO SHAME in what has happened to them...they were manipulated -most typically by having their hearts desire offered them. This is the best, easiest, most classical way to sell anything. They were sold a lie. 
4. They are stronger than they ever realized....sometimes people forget their strength...that doesn't mean it's gone. 
5. There is help...take it


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

I'd drop your current man like a hot potato. 

It makes sense to be behind a man you trust and feel safe with. 

I can't believe by your posts that you feel either way about him. 

Your ex seems to be the only one looking out for your and your daughters safety.


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## red37 (Feb 19, 2016)

Girl you need to leave that fool any man that make you choose between him or your child is no man at all. So the ball is I. YOUr court do you love this man more than yourself and child. Choose wisely you only get one chance in most cases. 

Sent from my SCH-I535 using Tapatalk


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

landrews235 said:


> That's exactly what I told my husband....I said my ex has a great point and far too much ammo against us! We keep handing it to him.
> 
> He said "oh so now you are on HIS side...*why don't you got back to him and see if he can pay your bills"
> 
> ...


When you say you were the bread winner, does that mean your husband was a SAHD or that he couldn't keep a job or that he just made low wage? I asked earlier, did you leave your ex for this guy? 

On his family. Here's something many single moms or divorcees don't want to believe. Most families will not want their son to marry a woman with another man's kid. Sorry Just is. So the hate they have for your ex, is really a hate they have for their son marrying you.

How you allow them to bad mouth the father of your daughter is beyond me. What is the take away that your daughter gets? As it is her mom chooses a career that prevents her from getting joint custody. Another hurtful thing that will be noticed. 

This whole situation makes me think of the stereo type that women like abusive men. Something I've seen way too many times. This is not just about you now. Choosing material comfort over stability for your daughter is sad. You might as well give your ex full-custody.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

landrews, I know we might have scared you, coming on so strong like that. And I know it terrifies you to think that people think you should leave your husband. 

Please understand we're just giving advice, you don't have to do what we want, especially not immediately. Most abuse victims take a long time to get the courage to leave. Usually after several very dramatic events, the man crying his eyes out and convincing you he's sincere and really means it when he says he will stop, and you realizing after all those attempts that he can't change. You're at the start of this path. Eventually, you're going to give up on this marriage and leave. But we aren't telling you you have to do it right now. Just start thinking about it, ok? Start looking at each event and asking yourself if a man who loved you could do it. Your eyes will start to open. And please read the book, it will make so much sense. It's considered the bible on abuse. We're just asking you to keep your eyes open to what's really happening. We're not gonna be mad at you if you don't leave him; we're just telling you what we've seen, over and over again, and how your marriage is gonna turn out. 

And the worst tragedy in the world would be if you gave up rights to your daughter just to stay with this man who causes you to walk on eggshells and causes you to break your ankle and restrains you and blames you and abandons you.

Please don't stop posting. You need a good sounding board.


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## Froggi2 (Mar 29, 2016)

landrews235 said:


> My husband and I have been married for 2 years. I have a 7 year old daughter from a previous marriage. Because of my work schedule, I have her 35 percent of the time.
> 
> My husband is very good to her, but he also has a temper. He gets into arguments in front of my daughter... and recently he threatened to leave us at a restaurant because of the argument. He was going to drive off and leave us without a car. My daughter got upset and I calmed her down and I told my husband to come back! My daughter literally said "this isn't very good parenting".
> 
> ...


Here is what you were told on another board: Stop putting **** before your daughter.

If I were your Ex, I would make sure I took that child away from you!


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## landrews235 (May 12, 2016)

I don't believe I am putting **** before my daughter.

I can see how someone could accuse me of that, but I truly love my husband and my daughter.

I was talking to my husband this morning and he brought up a fight we had 2 months ago. We were arguing about my daughter and the amount of time I spend traveling for work etc. He told me that if there was an arrest (which there eventually was) that I would have to pick between him and my daughter. He was very mad (fighting) but I said, "so, if you are asked to do anger management or more time away separated from my daughter due to these issues, you won't do it?" He said no. He was done with this **** and I was going to have to pick between my daughter and him. 

I said did you really just say that? He said yes. And it's your ex husband's fault because he's doing all of this to break us apart and ruin our lives.

I told him that I understand that my ex is not perfect and has jealousy issues, but now he has real ammo against us. And we need to stop giving it to him!

When we talked about this previous fight -- this morning - he said he never said that.... he said I took it wrong... and that I am so good at twisting things around ...


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## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

Blameshifting
Gas Lighting

Out of the FOG will help you tremendously.

Please do your homework on this.

If I were you I would start keeping a VAR on me at all times.


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## MarriedDude (Jun 21, 2014)

landrews235 said:


> I don't believe I am putting **** before my daughter.
> 
> I can see how someone could accuse me of that, but I truly love my husband and my daughter.
> 
> ...


Soooo

He has told you what you need to know. 

The only question is what are you gonna do about it momma-bear?

I get that it's hard...you love this guy...you believe that you have something. But the the reality is...Regardless..

You will have to make YOUR choice. He has already made his


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## landrews235 (May 12, 2016)

What is a VAR?

And to be fair...that fight was last month. NOW we are living this mess with my daughter and he says he is willing to work with me ..... and allow me to be with her -- without him....in an effort to get custody back to what it was....

I think he was bullying me back then -- but I believed him and that's why when he was arrested -- I LEFT! 

I wish his family knew what he said to me....when they judge me for leaving -- but i'm sure they don't care.



Blossom Leigh said:


> Blameshifting
> Gas Lighting
> 
> Out of the FOG will help you tremendously.
> ...


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

He isn't accepting responsibility. He is blaming your ex for protecting his own daughter. Even if he didn't like it or felt it was overkill he wouldn't blame your ex if he was reasonable.

He groomed you to be complacent. He did it intentionally. You are walking on eggshells now which is common with abused women. Yes, you are abused. If you had to run from him and you censor your words and actions, you are afraid and have reason to be. It does not matter what your in-laws think. They don't have to live with him.

DO NOT set this example for your daughter. My daughter is the whole reason I left. I didn't want her thinking that was OK. You are better off living on your income, enjoying a peaceful existence and seeing your daughter. You have a LOT of years to enjoy your daughter. Don't risk it.


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## MarriedDude (Jun 21, 2014)

He will "Allow" you to spend time with your daughter????
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## landrews235 (May 12, 2016)

Yes, I say allow...that's how it usually goes.

He gets very angry if I want to spend time alone with her. It has been trouble.... and he has kids of his own. He never spends time with them - he always wants to be with me (and my daughter when I have her). But, if I want to do something alone with her -- he will oblige but then get vicious and say that he gave up the day to be with us -- instead of his kids and I have the nerve to leave him alone?

He says that families are meant to be together -- all the time and the fact that I want to separate my daughter from him (because of what's going on and it will help me keep custody of her!) that I am living a life he doesn't want.


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## kristin2349 (Sep 12, 2013)

landrews235 said:


> I have a separate thread here, but don't want to bog it down with a different subject.
> 
> I would like to know how most married couples feel about finances. It is a HUGE source of trouble for my marriage. My husband believes he should handle all money and finances and it's causing problems.
> 
> ...



It looks like OP is Weirdo567 @EleGirl would probably be able to confirm.


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## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

landrews235 said:


> Yes, I say allow...that's how it usually goes.
> 
> He gets very angry if I want to spend time alone with her. It has been trouble.... and he has kids of his own. He never spends time with them - he always wants to be with me (and my daughter when I have her). But, if I want to do something alone with her -- he will oblige but then get vicious and say that he gave up the day to be with us -- instead of his kids and I have the nerve to leave him alone?
> 
> He says that families are meant to be together -- all the time and the fact that I want to separate my daughter from him (because of what's going on and it will help me keep custody of her!) that I am living a life he doesn't want.



And what do you think of that?


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## landrews235 (May 12, 2016)

Thanks for this feedback, EnjoliWoman.

But, what's hard is I see worse out there - and think that this can be fixed.... or we can adjust. I want to have normal life -- and a happy one....

I just don't think we align the way we should on issues... 




EnjoliWoman said:


> He isn't accepting responsibility. He is blaming your ex for protecting his own daughter. Even if he didn't like it or felt it was overkill he wouldn't blame your ex if he was reasonable.
> 
> He groomed you to be complacent. He did it intentionally. You are walking on eggshells now which is common with abused women. Yes, you are abused. If you had to run from him and you censor your words and actions, you are afraid and have reason to be. It does not matter what your in-laws think. They don't have to live with him.
> 
> DO NOT set this example for your daughter. My daughter is the whole reason I left. I didn't want her thinking that was OK. You are better off living on your income, enjoying a peaceful existence and seeing your daughter. You have a LOT of years to enjoy your daughter. Don't risk it.


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## landrews235 (May 12, 2016)

It makes me feel guilty.... 

I feel as if I am the problem -- even though I don't understand why I can't be with my daughter and he can't be with his kids? Why is that so unreasonable? His kids are different ages, so they have different interests,too.




Blossom Leigh said:


> And what do you think of that?


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

Abusers can't be fixed. Sorry, it will get worse until you are done and leave. It will escalate a bit after you leave and he'll find a new target. You see worse out there? Yeah, there is. That doesn't make this right because he's not beating you to a pulp. 

It's perfectly normal to want to have a girl's day with your daughter. It's odd he doesn't want to be with his kids - my guess is they are 'on' to him and don't WANT to spend time with him. How old are his kids? Do they come over a lot? How do they react to him? 

His behavior is pretty classic abuser. He isolates you by keeping you with him ALL of the time; he controls the money and doesn't want to be questioned. He controls the arguments, too, and when they are over (not until HE says they are over).


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## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

landrews235 said:


> It makes me feel guilty....
> 
> I feel as if I am the problem -- even though I don't understand why I can't be with my daughter and he can't be with his kids? Why is that so unreasonable? His kids are different ages, so they have different interests,too.


Ok... do you know why you feel guilty? Because that is the emotional weapon he is using on you and it's working. Go to a local book store and pick up Emotional Blackmail today. Emotional Blackmailers use Fear, Obligation and Guilt to control their victims.


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## landrews235 (May 12, 2016)

We all have problems in marriage, but then you wonder if you should hold on to someone and try to fix it? I know he loves me...but he turns venomous with his words....telling me he "was stupid to ever help me with anyhitng" Just mean... 

"I am sick of you using __daughter__ like a carrot dangling over my head" 

It's just not nice. It makes me wonder though.... is this anywhere close to common? 

My ex and I were not great together. But we never said these mean things. Never... 

And I have gotten so angry at my husband. I blow up screaming and crying in ways I Have NEVER before. Like punching pillows and slamming doors. And pushing him away from me....that is all very unlike me. But, he gets me to a point where I feel so trapped.

He talks quietly when he says this vile stuff and when I start screaming and crying...he will say "look at you....get yourself together...do you see me raising my voice right now??" 

It's like the devil...sometimes.


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## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

landrews235 said:


> We all have problems in marriage, but then you wonder if you should hold on to someone and try to fix it? I know he loves me...but he turns venomous with his words....telling me he "was stupid to ever help me with anyhitng" Just mean...
> 
> "I am sick of you using __daughter__ like a carrot dangling over my head"
> 
> ...


This is not salvageable.....

And yes, I am very aware of that which you speak.

Get out.


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

This is such a toxic marriage. Telling you to chose between him or your daughter? Making a scene for you wanting some mommy daughter time? You're daughter was already traumatized by your divorce and is now being prevented from having quality time with her mom and most disturbing, seeing her mother cower to an abusive man. 

I'm a guy that believes that women throw out the abuse card WAY to much but in your case, it really is abuse. That he restrained you to the point of hurting your ankle and worse of all leaving you and your daughter at the restaurant was so wrong. To belittle you like that in front of your little girl is OUTRAGEOUS. I don't even know you, but my blood boiled reading that. I could only imagine what your ex felt.

I would advise some IC to help you find out why you love an abusive man. I've asked twice already. Did you leave your husband for this guy?


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## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

landrews235 said:


> Thanks for this feedback, EnjoliWoman.
> 
> *But, what's hard is I see worse out there - and think that this can be fixed*.... or we can adjust. I want to have normal life -- and a happy one....
> 
> I just don't think we align the way we should on issues...


 You may see worse out there but it is the exception,not the rule. There is much, much better waiting for you. You asked if this is common, NO , no way in hell is this common. You are on your way to ,at best, a hospital bed and at worst a dirt nap. A normal life is not a possibility with this man, the chance of that is long gone.
Protect your daughter and get away from this guy he is toxic and very dangerous to you ,physically and mentally.


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## landrews235 (May 12, 2016)

I did not leave my husband for this man BUT I met him about 1 month after my divorce. So, it was fresh for my ex and he still to this day suggests I had an affair. He has not moved on....and it's caused trouble because he also confides FAR too much in our daughter.

My husband can be so amazing...that's the hard part. He can be fun, happy....joking around. Perfect. Then, bam - he turns into a nightmare when he is either 1) challenged 2) upset about money 3) feeling that I'm distracted or cold. 

Those 3 things are the big problems for him. He becomes a bully and then some.

The thing is I WISH I could be everything he wants. I used to be in the beginning...I called in sick to work to be with him --I deposited every dime I had into his account and never asked any questions --- I left my daughter with her dad for long weekends and lied and said I had to work.... I devoted my entire life to him. That was when we were in heaven together. He couldn't stop gushing to people about me...because I filled all of his needs.

Now, I ask questions. I hold back on money. I put my daughter as priority. I listen to her father when he has concerns. I give up even my "off" weekends to be with my daughter. And our marriage is a mess...we fight almost every day.

He said something telling today that made me cry. He got mad that I cried, of course. He told his lawyer that it was important for the state to understand that I didn't request that he be charged.

He said "what if after this injury -- we got married (which we did) and we were actually HAPPY -- that would make this an even worse blow"

I said so we aren't happy? Haven't been? Ever? He said "no, not as long as my ex husband continues to cause him to be in a living hell..

So -- that hurt. He said that I need to face reality. My ex is a disaster and this custody situation is a disaster --despite the fact that he was charged. 



jsmart said:


> This is such a toxic marriage. Telling you to chose between him or your daughter? Making a scene for you wanting some mommy daughter time? You're daughter was already traumatized by your divorce and is now being prevented from having quality time with her mom and most disturbing, seeing her mother cower to an abusive man.
> 
> I'm a guy that believes that women throw out the abuse card WAY to much but in your case, it really is abuse. That he restrained you to the point of hurting your ankle and worse of all leaving you and your daughter at the restaurant was so wrong. To belittle you like that in front of your little girl is OUTRAGEOUS. I don't even know you, but my blood boiled reading that. I could only imagine what your ex felt.
> 
> I would advise some IC to help you find out why you love an abusive man. I've asked twice already. Did you leave your husband for this guy?


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

landrews235 said:


> I did not leave my husband for this man BUT I met him about 1 month after my divorce. So, it was fresh for my ex and he still to this day suggests I had an affair. He has not moved on....and it's caused trouble because he also confides FAR too much in our daughter.
> 
> My husband can be so amazing...that's the hard part. He can be fun, happy....joking around. Perfect. Then, bam - he turns into a nightmare when he is either 1) challenged 2) upset about money 3) feeling that I'm distracted or cold.
> 
> ...


So in the beginning when you're dumping your daughter on your ex so you can have fun, times were great but now that you want to re-balance your relationship with your daughter, you're a problematic woman needing controlling. This comes from the fact that he wants you but doesn't want the whole package. 

I've said many times, not all men are cut out to be step fathers. It is critical that single moms and divorcees with kids REALLY vet a man before allowing him into their life. 

In the beginning when the sex is hot and new, we men will say ANYTHING to keep it coming. But after the dust settles and the fog recedes, many men find that they don't want to be involved in raising another man's kid(s) and they resent the time their wife spends away with the other man's kid.

The fact that your ex may have been unsuccessful financially shouldn't give your new husband card Blanche to put down your daughter's father. I imagine as a child of divorce your daughter will be hyper sensitive to her surroundings. Don't think for a second that she doesn't pick up the negative vibe from your husband and his family. 

As for wishing you could be everything he wants, that is so sad that he has you thinking like that.
As his wife, he should be thinking that you are the greatest thing in his life. I don't know what happened in your past that has you thinking that this is all you deserve but this guy is not husband material by witness of already having a failed marriage and he's DEFINITELY not step father material.


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## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

He is blameshifting to you AND your ex.

Cut him loose.

This man will never see the error of his ways. 

Voice of experience.


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## landrews235 (May 12, 2016)

Thanks for your reply and yes, I do feel exactly that way.

I know he would be a happy camper if I had full custody (not shared) of my daughter, If I never questioned pretty much anything he did and I was happy and raring to go all the time.

Truly I think that would solve this issues. HOWEVER, I realize that he would probably soon grow annoyed by living with my daughter full time. He can only take small doses.

He had me the majority of the time in the beginning. We didn't do much but spend time together and go out on the weekends and party a bit. He loved it. He may be in his 40s but he parties like he's 30. He dances and drinks until 3 am with the best of them.

But, I don't like doing that anymore. He says that's fine -- and I think it is for the MOST part, but only when we are home curling up on the couch and having sex. If i'm home working from the computer etc....he's angry and pissy.


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## Miss Independent (Mar 24, 2014)

.


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## landrews235 (May 12, 2016)

That's terrible of you to say, although I understand you have a right to your opinion.

I was wrong for spending so much time with my now husband in the beginning -- but I have changed my ways and obviously my husband doesn't like it. And now i'm trying to figure out if it can work at all.

So, if your child says I don't like your new spouse... because you both fight all the time... you are supposed to immediately divorce?


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## Miss Independent (Mar 24, 2014)

.


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

landrews235 said:


> That's terrible of you to say, although I understand you have a right to your opinion.
> 
> I was wrong for spending so much time with my now husband in the beginning -- but I have changed my ways and obviously my husband doesn't like it. And now i'm trying to figure out if it can work at all.
> 
> So, if your child says I don't like your new spouse... because you both fight all the time... you are supposed to immediately divorce?


Your child is voicing her opinion that the constant fighting is stressing her out. You should divorce because he's angry, controlling and verbally abusive resulting in an unhealthy environment. Your child is 7 so she isn't censoring what she thinks.


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## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

@Landrews325 when my three year old voiced his opinion that my H was mean to me all the time and then later was scared himself to go home, I acted.... immediately.... I told my H, get help with a professional or get out. Under no certain terms was his behavior allowed inside the walls of our home ever again. I gave him ONE fair shot, but in YOUR case.... I do not advocate one fair shot. Get out.


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## bluezone (Jan 7, 2012)

OP, please listen to the good advice you are getting here. Go back and READ what you are saying about this man. 

_"If I never questioned pretty much anything he did and I was happy and raring to go all the time." _

WHAT? So you should shut up and disregard your feelings? I guess he wants a Stepford Wife. OP you deserve better than this.

_"If i'm home working from the computer etc....he's angry and pissy"_

Wow...You can't work on the computer or HE gets upset? You have to be on the couch having sex with him? 

Do you see how controlling this sounds? Myself and others posting here are truly concerned for you. PLEASE PLEASE get some individual counseling so you can see this relationship for what it really is...

Please get help from a counselor, call an abuse hotline, anything. Read the books people have suggested. Individual counseling would help you to regain some of you and strength to stand up for yourself.


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## landrews235 (May 12, 2016)

I think I am generalizing. I don't want to sound like a complete idiot. Even though I realize that some of this is accurate. 

The problem is in the evening. If I'm watching tv with him. He gets upset if I'm on my computer and not touching him. He wants me to always be touching him or holding his hand while on couch etc. he says that's how I was in the beginning. 

And he definitely wants me to be all over him when possible.


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## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

What do you think about that?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## landrews235 (May 12, 2016)

I think it's like a movie. I feel that he wants the perfect life and relationship and I need to act happy 24/7. For the most part I need to act as if there is very little ever bothering me. Or he takes it personally.


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## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

landrews235 said:


> I think it's like a movie. I feel that he wants the perfect life and relationship and I need to act happy 24/7. For the most part I need to act as if there is very little ever bothering me. Or he takes it personally.


So... is life a movie?


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

landrews235 said:


> Thanks for your reply and yes, I do feel exactly that way.
> 
> *I know he would be a happy camper if I had full custody (not shared) of my daughter, If I never questioned pretty much anything he did and I was happy and raring to go all the time.*
> 
> ...


You're definitely mistaken that he would be happy if you had full custody. He doesn't want your daughter in the picture.

What you had in the beginning was not real. It was you being something your not. You were his childless girlfriend. That's what he really wants . He's not happy with nor is his family happy with having their son with a single mom. That also ties in with your financial thread. Many men will want to control the amount of resources that are spent on another man's child.

You left your ex H and father of your child and ran straight into the 1st man that caught your fancy with out first vetting him as potential step dad. Huge mistake. If you stay with this man I could just imagine what issues you'll have when your daughter is going through her teen years.


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## MarriedDude (Jun 21, 2014)

landrews235 said:


> I think it's like a movie. I feel that he wants the perfect life and relationship and I need to act happy 24/7. For the most part I need to act as if there is very little ever bothering me. Or he takes it personally.


Imagine if your daughter came to you and described everything you have on this thread as happening to her...in her marriage?

What would your advice be?


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

NO MAN is worth choosing over your daughter!!


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

kristin2349 said:


> It looks like OP is Weirdo567 @EleGirl would probably be able to confirm.



Yes, landrews235 is really Weirdo567. She is now banned.

Weirdo567... please get professional help.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Good catch! But dammit...I hate when I get suckered.


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## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

@kristin2349
Sharpest tack on these boards apparently. I'm in awe of your intuition and troll hunting skills. That's twice in a week.


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## WorkingWife (May 15, 2015)

landrews235 said:


> Yes, the last few days he has been increasingly worse about the verbal stuff.
> 
> He literally told me that he was "stupid to ever help me".... said a couple times over the last few days that he was going to sell HIS house and move to a one bedroom apartment...."what do you want to do with your stuff?"
> 
> ...


OMG PLEASE LEAVE THIS MAN. YESTERDAY.

He brought all this about with his temper and he and his family are mad at YOU? He is comparing you to other women who put up with crap you don't want to take? If this/these other women were such great partners, where are they now?!

God, from what I usually read, abusers at least have the presence of mind to cry and beg for forgiveness and promise to never do it again. Instead he's blaming you for his completely unacceptable behavior and his mother sounds like a major abuse enabler too.

He should be saying - "I F-cked up so bad, I am so sorry custody of your daughter is in jepoardy due to my lack of self control. I am so sorry I am making such a horrible example for your daughter and scaring her. I am so sorry I treated you so horribly. I am so ashamed of myself. We should live separately until your custody is secure and I (or we both!) have finished anger management classes and demonstrated for a long period of time that we can have a marriage without fighting.

You may love him and have some good times, but you are allowing him to abuse you and your daughter AND try to blame YOU for HIS shortcomings. If you don't draw a line in the sand right now you are looking at living in a dangerous, unpredictable hell for the rest of your marriage. 

And your daughter will NOT be "okay" growing up with this man and his temper around even if he never does anything physical to her but it sounds like it will definitely escalate to physical against at least one of you, if it hasn't already.

Assuming your story is complete, him blocking the door IS physical, though I understand not the same as hitting you. But these things escalate FAST and your husband is not even apologetic. Most men would be HORRIFIED to have acted in such away.

You need to stop fighting with him too. If you think couples "fighting" is normal, I promise you, it's not. It shouldn't be. I think you'd really benefit from anger management too.


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## WorkingWife (May 15, 2015)

EleGirl said:


> Yes, landrews235 is really Weirdo567. She is now banned.
> 
> Weirdo567... please get professional help.


I have REALLY got to start reading the most recent posts before responding to things...!


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## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

kristin2349 said:


> It looks like OP is Weirdo567 @EleGirl would probably be able to confirm.


I didnt see this earlier. What was the deal with Weirdo567?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

Rubix Cubed said:


> @kristin2349
> Sharpest tack on these boards apparently. I'm in awe of your intuition and troll hunting skills. That's twice in a week.




I know! I want to ask her what clued her in but maybe she doesn't want to give away her secret.


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## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

Dub her The Troll Reaper 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Blossom Leigh said:


> I didnt see this earlier. What was the deal with Weirdo567?


The name Weirdo567 is one of the over 63 user names/accounts that this troll has used here on TAM. I just call her by that name because it was the first one that I banned her under.

The deal when she posted as weirdo is about the same as in this thread,


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## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

EleGirl said:


> The name Weirdo567 is one of the over 63 user names/accounts that this troll has used here on TAM. I just call her by that name because it was the first one that I banned her under.
> 
> The deal when she posted as weirdo is about the same as in this thread,


Good deal, thanks for the info.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> The name Weirdo567 is one of the over 63 user names/accounts that this troll has used here on TAM. I just call her by that name because it was the first one that I banned her under.
> 
> The deal when she posted as weirdo is about the same as in this thread,


Either way she and her 63+ incarnations are very badly disturbed and do require treatment.


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## kristin2349 (Sep 12, 2013)

MattMatt said:


> Either way she and her 63+ incarnations are very badly disturbed and do require treatment.



It is worth noting that @EleGirl was kind enough to offer her the chance to stick to ONE account, she wouldn't obey that simple request.


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## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

Is there anyway to ban the IP address. 63 identities is ridiculous. 
Is there a list of these anywhere so legit folks know not to waste their energy?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Rubix Cubed said:


> Is there anyway to ban the IP address. 63 identities is ridiculous.
> Is there a list of these anywhere so legit folks no not to waste their energy?


All 63 user name accounts are banned. So she cannot come back with one of those names. Sadly I'm sure that she will be back with more user accounts.

As far as the IP address goes.. it's just not that simple...


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## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

EleGirl said:


> All 63 user name accounts are banned. So she cannot come back with one of those names. Sadly I'm sure that she will be back with more user accounts.
> 
> As far as the IP address goes.. it's just not that simple...


 Well, thanks for what you do. 
I.T. is definitely not my gig.
r.e. the weirdo567 list: More to not read fictional threads that are already up in those names.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Rubix Cubed said:


> Well, thanks for what you do.
> I.T. is definitely not my gig.
> r.e. the weirdo567 list: More to not read fictional threads that are already up in those names.


The threads are all old. When you open a thread, look at see if the OP has been banned. That's a huge clue to ignore the thread.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

kristin2349 said:


> It is worth noting that @EleGirl was kind enough to offer her the chance to stick to ONE account, she wouldn't obey that simple request.


I remember that kind offer. But we aren't necessarily dealing with someone who does normal.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Thanks for letting us know, guys.


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## Froggi2 (Mar 29, 2016)

MarriedDude said:


> He will "Allow" you to spend time with your daughter????
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Exactly. She has been given so much advice and yet she still stays. He must have one made of vibrating gold.>


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## bluezone (Jan 7, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> Yes, landrews235 is really Weirdo567. She is now banned.
> 
> Weirdo567... please get professional help.


Thanks @EleGirl...

Just curious....why do people TROLL on here? Attention? The satisfaction of tricking people into feeling sorry for them?


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## Mclane (Apr 28, 2016)

bluezone said:


> Thanks @EleGirl...
> 
> Just curious....why do people TROLL on here? Attention? The satisfaction of tricking people into feeling sorry for them?


It's a power thing. Being able to manipulate other people. Even anonymous internet people.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

bluezone said:


> Thanks @EleGirl...
> 
> Just curious....why do people TROLL on here? Attention? The satisfaction of tricking people into feeling sorry for them?


Various reasons.

Some people are just bored. Some are attention seekers. Some think that they are sooo smart and figure that fooling people on the internet proves that they are smart.

In this case, I think that the story is real (well except for her changing the gender and age of her child). But she starts a new user account for almost every thread she starts... she just refuses to follow forum rules.


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## Lilac23 (Jul 9, 2015)

Pick your daughter and let him go.


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

I simply cannot believe that a person going to the length of creating 60+ different accounts is seeking anything resembling legitimate advice.


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