# Do you think she really likes this?



## RobQ (Mar 1, 2015)

My wife usually goes to bed before me by an hour or two. She is usually sound asleep when I come to bed. Often I will cuddle up next to her as she sleeps on her stomach and slide my hand under her pajama top over her back. No intent to initiate sex with this.

Now although I love my wife deeply we definitely are a HD/LD couple. Our lovemaking is very vanilla. She would never sleep nude although I usually wear only my boxers to bed.

So my question is: do you think she likes the hand on the back thing? I have asked her and she says yes but I don't think she would say no.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

If you cannot get a straight answer from your spouse about whether or not she like you touching her back, what else do you have to guess about?!?


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## kristin2349 (Sep 12, 2013)

I would say she is being honest that she likes it especially if she said she does. 

When my Ex was cheating this was one of the very first things that changed and I missed it. Physical contact is a bonding, reassuring thing even when it isn't sexual. She might enjoy it more because you being HD don't turn it into a bid for sex. I would take her at her word.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

If she wanted your hands on her, why would she routinely go to bed an hour or two before you? If she wanted your hand on her bare back, why wear the pajamas? You may be getting something out of it but I seriously doubt she is.


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## kristin2349 (Sep 12, 2013)

unbelievable said:


> If she wanted your hands on her, why would she routinely go to bed an hour or two before you? If she wanted your hand on her bare back, why wear the pajamas? You may be getting something out of it but I seriously doubt she is.


I would often come to bed after my now Ex when I was out at night for work. If I did I would usually wear just a T-Shirt. He would usually roll over and touch my stomach or the small of my back. It was a very comforting thing, just kind of a small kind of sweet thing that I missed when it was gone. When he stopped, I noticed. Subtle touches stopping is a sign that intimacy is dying.


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## WandaJ (Aug 5, 2014)

why wouldn't she like it? innocent, comforting touch, with no pressure on sex at that time.


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## staarz21 (Feb 6, 2013)

She said he likes it, why do you doubt her?


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

If she didn't like it, you would know! 

My guess is either she likes it like she said or she is indifferent to it. She might not even notice.


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## melw74 (Dec 12, 2013)

I got to bed usually a few hours AFTER my husband has gone to bed, as he works early in the morning.

I get in and spoon him, and when i am done, i roll over he spoons me and always falls asleep with his hand on my boob..... If i did not like this, then i would tell him, but as i have not told him (because i love this:smthumbup he knows this, so he continues to do it.

I have to agree with the other posters, Why doubt her?. I am sure she loves it, the closeness etc.... ENJOY.


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

melw74 said:


> I got to bed usually a few hours AFTER my husband has gone to bed, as he works early in the morning.
> 
> I get in and spoon him, and when i am done, i roll over he spoons me and always falls asleep with his hand on my boob..... If i did not like this, then i would tell him, but as i have not told him (because i love this:smthumbup he knows this, so he continues to do it.
> 
> I have to agree with the other posters, Why doubt her?. I am sure she loves it, the closeness etc.... ENJOY.


I am guessing you have a good love life. 

This is one of the problems I have being in my relationship where I am HD and she is LD. If my wife was to come to bed and spoon me, I would become aroused because we haven't had sex for 17 days. 

We are in a pattern where if she touches me or allows me to touch her, it means she wants sex. If we had sex two or three times a week, then we could have that kind of closeness.

Curious ... What happens if he starts spooning you and holding your boob and one of you gets excited and wants to go further?


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

RobQ said:


> My wife usually goes to bed before me by an hour or two. She is usually sound asleep when I come to bed. Often I will cuddle up next to her as she sleeps on her stomach and slide my hand under her pajama top over her back. No intent to initiate sex with this.
> 
> Now although I love my wife deeply we definitely are a HD/LD couple. Our lovemaking is very vanilla. She would never sleep nude although I usually wear only my boxers to bed.
> 
> So my question is: do you think she likes the hand on the back thing? I have asked her and she says yes but I don't think she would say no.


If you are HD and she is LD, how do you stop at just touching her back? 

In my relationship, I can do this if we have been intimate in the last few days. But when it has gotten to be over a week since we have had sex and I start touching her back and she doesn't stop me, it is very difficult not to continue touching and escalating to being more sexual.


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## melw74 (Dec 12, 2013)

SadSamIAm said:


> I am guessing you have a good love life.
> 
> This is one of the problems I have being in my relationship where I am HD and she is LD. If my wife was to come to bed and spoon me, I would become aroused because we haven't had sex for 17 days.
> 
> ...


Hi. I have a great love life with a husband that i love very much, yes.

I am not sure if its okay to say something like this on here, but sex is not a MAJOR issue, I love having sex with my husband, but like i have stated on another thread, My husband and I never have an issue if we have not had sex in a week, I enjoy sex, I enjoy my hubby, but i hope you understand what i am saying, sometimes either of us are just happy holding each other, kissing cuddling in bed, that probably sounds strange to you hey??.

Not saying i could live in a sexless marriage, because i could NOT, If i never had sex for a few weeks, then it would be a problem.... Saying that tho, If my hubby was desperate he would get it lol.

If i went to bed say tonight and he did his usual of touching my boob, and he become aroused and he wanted sex, I would know this and he would get it... I never say NO to my husband regarding sex, not saying he would force me because hes NOT like that at all, I just like to keep him happy, and satisfied.... Some people may not like what i have just said??.

My husband and I are always touching and cuddling each other, sometimes we could have sex 3 times a week and sometimes we can go without like i say for 5 or 6 days, but we still go to bed and cuddle spoon every night... I enjoy that kind of closeness we have.

In answer to the question, if he touched me and he wanted to go further then we do, whenever he wants, same goes for me, I hope that answers your question.


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

melw74 said:


> Hi. I have a great love life with a husband that i love very much, yes.
> 
> I am not sure if its okay to say something like this on here, but sex is not a MAJOR issue, I love having sex with my husband, but like i have stated on another thread, My husband and I never have an issue if we have not had sex in a week, I enjoy sex, I enjoy my hubby, but i hope you understand what i am saying, sometimes either of us are just happy holding each other, kissing cuddling in bed, that probably sounds strange to you hey??.
> 
> ...


You (and your husband) have what many others want.


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## RobQ (Mar 1, 2015)

NobodySpecial said:


> If you cannot get a straight answer from your spouse about whether or not she like you touching her back, what else do you have to guess about?!?


All kinds of stuff! Did you see my Valentine's Day thread. :rofl:


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## melw74 (Dec 12, 2013)

SadSamIAm said:


> You (and your husband) have what many others want.


Really? In what way Sam?. Some people may think a week without sex is a NO go, some people may not want to be in a relationship where you only have sex sometimes once a week?.

We never plan sex, that is why it probably varies for us how many times we have it in a week.

My friend has sex sometimes twice a day, I am not sure that would work for me, I have tho been through a week where i have also had it every night for a week to, some people probably think i am strange.

Last time we had sex was Saturday ( drunk sex) Since then we've been happy to just cuddle when we go to bed.... My hubby is fast asleep now as hes up early mornings, we just take everyday how it comes.... it works for us!!.


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

i usually fall asleep(and wake up) with my hand down my wifes panties...


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## DayOne (Sep 19, 2014)

*Re: Re: Do you think she really likes this?*



As'laDain said:


> i usually fall asleep(and wake up) with my hand down my wifes panties...


That's fine, as long as she's actually wearing them. Otherwise it's a bit weird...


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

melw74 said:


> Really? In what way Sam?. Some people may think a week without sex is a NO go, some people may not want to be in a relationship where you only have sex sometimes once a week?.


You guys have a marriage where you are sexually compatible. You also care about each others needs when it comes to sex. 

You guys can lay together and hug without one of you thinking, 'I better try, just in case this is one of the times they might actually want me.'


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## melw74 (Dec 12, 2013)

SadSamIAm said:


> You guys have a marriage where you are sexually compatible. You also care about each others needs when it comes to sex.
> 
> You guys can lay together and hug without one of you thinking, 'I better try, just in case this is one of the times they might actually want me.'


Yes we can, I understand where your coming from now, and yes i do think i am lucky... I am a very cuddly person tho, its a big thing for me showing affection, my husband knows this and always thinks about my needs, just like i think of his needs. I think its why we work so well together.

I am always willing if sex is what my husband wants.


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## askari (Jun 21, 2012)

kristin2349 said:


> I would say she is being honest that she likes it especially if she said she does.
> 
> When my Ex was cheating this was one of the very first things that changed and I missed it. Physical contact is a bonding, reassuring thing even when it isn't sexual. She might enjoy it more because you being HD don't turn it into a bid for sex. I would take her at her word.


I'm afraid I'm not sure that I agree with the above....

Touching and physical closeness is very nice and bonding but only as PART of a wider picture. 

Non sexual spooning, touches etc are only good if there IS sexual spooning, touches too.

Why would a man (or woman) be happy with non sexual spooning etc if there was no SEXUAL spooning ever?

Afew months into MC my wife insisted on giving me a peck on the lips whenever she or I left the house. I went along with it for afew months hoping that she would also become more sexual...nope.

In the end I kinda thought WTF? This is all a load of bollocks, a charade. 
Its a bit like your doctor saying 'you need to take more exercise'...so you start running to the bathroom. 
Whats the point? As if thats going to make any difference!

So yes, non sexual touch is good but only if there are also sexual touches as well.


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## kristin2349 (Sep 12, 2013)

askari said:


> I'm afraid I'm not sure that I agree with the above....
> 
> Touching and physical closeness is very nice and bonding but only as PART of a wider picture.
> 
> ...


I was answering the OP's question which was in reference to touching with no sex involved. Who said there was no sexual spooning ever? You might be projecting a bit...But your example of running to the bathroom made me spit my coffee out, lol.

I think lots of physical contact, including sex is good. I also think that in order for both partners to stay connected you should touch often. It would often lead to sex in my case, not just a cuddle. But that wasn't what the OP was asking.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

Here's a funny thing.

A few years ago I ramped up on this kind of stuff hard. Our sex life was 'meh', but so was the general state of passion in our marriage.

My wife resisted it. At the start, it included times when I would do stuff like that.

But I kept at it. Respectfully, but kept at it. Because there's nothing wrong with touching your spouse.

Now, she misses it if it doesn't happen.

Relationships are funny. People are funny.

The real question is, why don't you think your wife would be honest with you about this.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

askari said:


> I'm afraid I'm not sure that I agree with the above....
> 
> Touching and physical closeness is very nice and bonding but only as PART of a wider picture.
> 
> ...


I am sure my LD wife feels the same way, she has a real hard time touching me at any time. 

On the other had, touch is my primary language of love according to the Chapman book test I took. Also in reading Sue Johnson's book, Hold Me Tight, it explains how important human touch is for some people. Small babies can die without adequate touch; the laying on of hands is a way to cure some people of illness in some circumstances. Touch can and does do very powerful things.

Since my wife is reluctant to touch me, but will have sex with me twice a week (go figure) I usually get a deep tissue massage once a week. It not only relieves sore muscles from all the exercise I do as part of my GAL activities, it also provides me with releases of Oxytocine and other chemicals that calm and make me feel wonderful. It really is theraputic massage. 

So yes non-sexual touch without sex can feel wonderful and healing, even if not administered by one's wife. If it were administered by my wife, it would be heavenly.

If you are not a "touch" primary love language person, your mileage may very.


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## Sandie (Mar 31, 2015)

Its such a SHAME you can't ask her a question like that and expect an honest Answer!


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