# Lingering dumpiness.



## Wildflower3 (Nov 20, 2011)

SCREAMING AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGS...

WHAAAAT THHEEEEE EFFFFFFING EEEEFFFFFF?!?!?!

What kind of a person stays with someone for 15 years, has THREE KIDS with that person, THEN says oh, I don't love you, I never loved you, I married you because I had no reason to leave, I remember getting into a fight with you a couple years before we got married and remember thinking about how to get out of it back then, I don't want to work on it, I'm afraid if I move back in, we'll drive each other crazy, blah blah blah. 

SOB! Coward for not leaving before building this life because he was afraid of being alone??

WHO THE HELL DOES THAT?!?! WTF?!?!?!?!

Ok, feel a little better. Thanks.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Waywards do that. 

And a lot of times, people having an affair do that.

It's quite common, unfortunately.


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## Wildflower3 (Nov 20, 2011)

Wayward for sure. No PA before separation, maybe so now checking out the greener grass. Who knows. Just needed to vent.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

George Costanza types, that's who...!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## cabbage65 (Feb 14, 2012)

my stbx does .... told me he never loved me. the week of our 20th anniversary.


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## Wildflower3 (Nov 20, 2011)

Yeah. Mine says it was part of some logical progression... College degree, career, "perfect wife", house in the burbs, "perfect kids", all part of the perfect life, but realized he didn't really love me along the way. It was just part of the plan. But didnt realize it til after he got this fantasy life that it was empty.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Wildflower3 (Nov 20, 2011)

STBXH couldn't FaceTime with the kids for very legitimate reasons tonight. I texted to see when he might be able to. Did my usual bedtime routine with the kids and they kept getting out of bed asking when they could talk to Daddy. Felt terrible. Awful.

Did some work, went up to bed but went into their room to turn out the light and walked into my room. All of a sudden I heard a squeal and crying. Went into their room and my oldest was crying his heart out and wanted the light back on. I asked what was wrong and he said "I want to call daddy. I didn't get to talk to daddy tonight. I need to talk to him." Heart wrenching. I feel like I can't tell him about things like this because he'll see it as a manipulative move. Like I'm trying to get him back home because the kids are having a hard time.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## melissa68 (Feb 10, 2012)

Wildflower I'm so sorry. I know how heartbreaking it is and have been struggling with this myself. My 4 yr old is talking about missing his daddy a lot lately and telling me to call him and tell him "bummer...come home" so he'll be home and they can play again. I know if I call my stbxh he'll only tell me to stop trying to use the kids to make him feel guilty and it wont change anything and yet I feel like I'm letting my little one down by not trying. It's so unfair and breaks my heart. I don't understand how someone could walk away from their child period....it would devastate me...and they do it by choice!


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## Jayb (Mar 6, 2012)

Yeah, I hold my children sometimes when they cry about the situation. Sometimes, I cry in front of them. They say, daddy, your eyes are sweating.

It's so painful. They don't deserve this. I never imagined my life turning out this way. How I failed in an institution I so revered and vowed never to let occur, because I was a product of D.

I kicked it into autopilot for most of my life. The routine of life, the rut. Now, it's stinging me where it hurts the most.

ugh.

I feel for you all. We're pretty much all in the same boat.


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## Wildflower3 (Nov 20, 2011)

melissa68 said:


> I don't understand how someone could walk away from their child period....it would devastate me...and they do it by choice!


Yes, it is by choice. You marry someone by CHOICE. We made the CHOICE of having 3 kids. He made the choice of focusing on work. He made the choice to not want to work on our marriage. Funny thing though he doesn't see himself as walking away...

Yeah, my oldest is 4. He was bawling his eyes out hyperventilating. I brought him into my room so he wouldn't wake up his brother. His brother woke up crying too asking for big brother AND daddy. So, I said F it and let both sleep in my bed with me. Awful feeling. They shouldn't have to go through this. They are worth the fight.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## canguy66 (Dec 18, 2011)

I heard the same crap... not sure if she ever loved me, and thinks she was in love with marrying someone like (good job, respected in the community, leader)... but not me as a person. Two years later, the cracks began to show. Five years later and three weeks before out 7th wedding anniversary (and 2 weeks from Christmas), she bails. Even now she is "undecided" about us.

I deserve better.


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## Mamatomany (Jan 10, 2012)

Wildflower3 said:


> Yes, it is by choice. You marry someone by CHOICE. We made the CHOICE of having 3 kids. He made the choice of focusing on work. He made the choice to not want to work on our marriage. Funny thing though he doesn't see himself as walking away...
> 
> Yeah, my oldest is 4. He was bawling his eyes out hyperventilating. I brought him into my room so he wouldn't wake up his brother. His brother woke up crying too asking for big brother AND daddy. So, I said F it and let both sleep in my bed with me. Awful feeling. They shouldn't have to go through this. They are worth the fight.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



My kids sleep w/ me now, every night. I just wasn't going to fight it. I will change it later (maybe when I start dating) but right now we all sleep better if we are altogether and I need my sleep! Night terrors my 4 yr old was having have become fewer and my 6 yo hasn't wet the bed in more than a month (it was bad since August. My 4 yo had a bed in our room already but was about to move into the room w/ the other little ones, but now it's all good and they know I am always there.


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