# What's in a name



## 247769 (May 18, 2016)

After reading some posts on how much sex is too much, I began wondering if I have a problem with wanting sex all the time. Then I wondered how would I describe myself if I needed to address it. In the past my wife has accused me of being "addicted to sex", "perverted" and a "nympho" over the course of our 27 years of marriage to describe my sexual appetite. So my question to you is how do you define the terms I mentioned. Which of these pose a problem?

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## LeananSidhe (Feb 6, 2018)

peterrabbit said:


> After reading some posts on how much sex is too much, I began wondering if I have a problem with wanting sex all the time. Then I wondered how would I describe myself if I needed to address it. In the past my wife has accused me of being "addicted to sex", "perverted" and a "nympho" over the course of our 27 years of marriage to describe my sexual appetite. So my question to you is how do you define the terms I mentioned. Which of these pose a problem?
> 
> Sent from my XT1635-01 using Tapatalk


I think a lot of times LD spouses use those terms as insults towards their higher drive partners. It’s not fair...but it’s how they see them because they can’t possible imagine wanting sex that much. So in their mind there has to be something “wrong” with the higher drive person.

I would define someone with a problem if sex really was all they thought about or maybe thought about enough that they can’t lead a “normal” life. If you’re getting fired from jobs for looking at porn at work, not spending time with your family because you’d rather be jerking off, having affairs...that sort of thing, then I’d say it’s an addiction and a problem.

If you’re just a horny guy who’s not getting enough sex so you want it all the time, I’d say you’re normal.


Really though, I do sometimes wonder this about myself. I worry that I want it too much. So far it hasn’t affected my life in a negative way so I guess I’m doing ok.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Obsessed with sex. I don't believe that sex can be an addiction, so not that one, but you do sound obsessed if that is all you can think about all the time.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

peterrabbit said:


> After reading some posts on how much sex is too much, I began wondering if I have a problem with wanting sex all the time. Then I wondered how would I describe myself if I needed to address it. In the past my wife has accused me of being "addicted to sex", "perverted" and a "nympho" over the course of our 27 years of marriage to describe my sexual appetite. So my question to you is how do you define the terms I mentioned. Which of these pose a problem?
> 
> Sent from my XT1635-01 using Tapatalk


Two years ago your wife gave you permission to have an online affair.
What happened?


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## 247769 (May 18, 2016)

Andy1001 said:


> Two years ago your wife gave you permission to have an online affair.
> What happened?


That's not the topic of this post, but thanks for asking.

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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

What's the numbers looking like?

- your desired frequency
- her desired frequency
- actual frequency


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## 247769 (May 18, 2016)

john117 said:


> What's the numbers looking like?
> 
> - your desired frequency
> - her desired frequency
> - actual frequency


Me: every day
Her: once a year
Frequency: 2-3 times a week (for my benefit)

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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

peterrabbit said:


> Me: every day
> Her: once a year
> Frequency: 2-3 times a week (for my benefit)
> 
> Sent from my XT1635-01 using Tapatalk


Gee. That's _so_ unusual.

A guy who wants sex every day.


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## KrisAmiss (May 1, 2017)

peterrabbit said:


> "addicted to sex", "perverted" and a "nympho" over the course of our 27 years of marriage to describe my sexual appetite. So my question to you is how do you define the terms I mentioned. Which of these pose a problem?
> 
> Sent from my XT1635-01 using Tapatalk


I too was married 27 years. When discussing my H's low sex appetite with my gyno, she suggested he might have a sexual dysfunction, that her H wanted sex every day (not that he got it.)

As long as those names referred to sex with your beloved (assuming you've agreed to be monogomous), they'd be no problem. I have a friend who's had sex every day for over 25 years and I'm sort of jealous but they seem to hate each other otherwise. Sounds like anger/resentment to me with your W.


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## LeananSidhe (Feb 6, 2018)

peterrabbit said:


> john117 said:
> 
> 
> > What's the numbers looking like?
> ...


If wanting sex every day makes someone a sex addict...a lot of us are in trouble. My husband and I have had sex 7 times in the last 4 days and we’ll hopefully squeeze in one more tonight to make it 8. 
We are trying a new thing where we have sex less during the week (because he’s tired from work) and then go nuts on the weekend (yay for holiday weekends). But I’d definitely have sex multiple times a day, every day if he was up to it.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

peterrabbit said:


> After reading some posts on how much sex is too much, I began wondering if I have a problem with wanting sex all the time. Then I wondered how would I describe myself if I needed to address it. In the past my wife has accused me of being "addicted to sex", "perverted" and a "nympho" over the course of our 27 years of marriage to describe my sexual appetite. So my question to you is how do you define the terms I mentioned. *Which of these pose a problem?
> 
> *Sent from my XT1635-01 using Tapatalk


I didn't read much of the thread. 

None of them, to answer the bold font. 

Incompatibility is the issue. She was never compatible with you. How did you miss that? Why are you two married? She have big boobs or a tight you know? Did she screw your brains out to win you? Were you enamored with her beauty and the attention she gave you? Did you think she would be a great mom? 

Someone or both effed up before the marriage and misinterpreted or intentionally deceived.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

One a day? Don't you think she should use an accurate descriptor? You're Frigid.

One a year? Have you checked her pulse?


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

Too much sex is only a problem if it interferes with *important* other things in your life (like jobs etc). Having sex rather than watching TV every night seems to me to be a good thing.

Of course a mismatch in sexual desires in a marraige is a major source of unhappiness.


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## 247769 (May 18, 2016)

2ntnuf said:


> I didn't read much of the thread.
> 
> None of them, to answer the bold font.
> 
> ...


She is beautiful and a wonderful mother, my best friend, she has a good heart and a heart for God. In the beginning she and I were matched sexually but after a few years of marriage and kids she lost all desire for sex. I stay with her because we love each other. 

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## LeananSidhe (Feb 6, 2018)

peterrabbit said:


> 2ntnuf said:
> 
> 
> > I didn't read much of the thread.
> ...


Have you talked to her and asked her if she realizes that her sex drive has gone down? I know nearly everyone here is a cynic but being married a few years and having kids does not always mean no sex. Is she on hormonal birth control? That’s what killed my sex drive for a few years. I remember saying similar things to my husband during that time. I used to complain that he ALWAYS wanted to have sex instead of just cuddling and talking. That makes me laugh now. 

We’ve been married for 15 years and have 3 young children. The toddler even sleeps in our room every night. To say we have a lot of sex is an understatement.


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## 247769 (May 18, 2016)

Yes we talk about it on a regular basis. She's talked with her doctor and gyno, everything is normal. She's not on BC, I had a V years ago. We've been empty nesters for a couple of years now

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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Wow
If you're empty nesters now, this is the time for nekkid time at all times in the house!

After the kids are out and before grandkids is a time for couples to re-energize.

Time for a complete blood work, etc health check up for her. There may be something medical as mentioned above. 

I waited for 20 plus yrs to be able to leave our bedroom door open while having sex, and to walk around house nekkid at will!

Even when kids were older but still living at home.....there's nothing like the first few years of empty nesting, so to speak. We're more like our pre-kid time now, albeit with more resources and toys, thanks to the Good Lord working that out.

Sex is regularly 5-9 times a week, with a weekend slow bonus time Sat and Sunday. We don't let TV rob all our evening time. And we do schedule daily 8:00pm as our time to be intimate if one of us wants to.

Things will wax and wane due to agreed upon demands on time but we make it a priority to put each other first.

*btw, we also had to spend time communicating during life changes.


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## 247769 (May 18, 2016)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> Wow
> If you're empty nesters now, this is the time for nekkid time at all times in the house!
> 
> After the kids are out and before grandkids is a time for couples to re-energize.
> ...


I wholeheartedly agree

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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Spouse A) Your low libido is the problem!

Spouse B) NO! Your high libido is the problem! 

Spouse A) You should consider hormone replacement therapy!

Spouse B) You should go to therapy for being a sex addict!

Spouse A) Oh wait, none of that is covered by our insurance!

Spouse B) What if we both try becoming vegan to be healthier, perhaps that would solve things?

Spouse A) At this point I will try anything!

Spouse A & B) OK, let's do it! 

Spouse A) researches the internet and finds this:

*BWVAKTBOOM*


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Wanting sex daily is not unusual at all. A lot of men and women are like that.

Your wife's low libido is not 'normal'. But it's who she has become. It's most likely a hormonal thing.

Or it could be the her oxytocin levels are so low that she no longer wants to be touched. There is a way to fix this.

Get the books "Love Busters" and "His Needs, Her Needs". Read them in that order. The books talk about a 'love bank'. The 'love bank' is a metaphor for oxytocin... a bain hormon that bonds a couple together. For some women, low oxytocin leads to not wanting sex. Doctors and medical tests do not test for oxytocin levels. But the books talk about how to get the levels back up.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Doesn't sex bring oxytocin levels up?


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## Bananapeel (May 4, 2015)

Is your wife attracted to you?


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> Doesn't sex bring oxytocin levels up?


yes, but he loves his wife and won't rape her so her levels go up. She has to want it/him. I know. I know. Smart aleck.


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