# fiance staying out late after work with colleagues...all the time!



## mar1 (Nov 10, 2011)

not sure what the best approach to this is. a drink or two is fine but staying out til 10,11,12,1 is above and beyond. they are all married guys. i cant imagine they are all staying so late. please help!


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## MrK (Sep 2, 2010)

I'll presume you are a wife and it is a husband staying out late with a bunch of other husbands. Please clarify. That will make a HUGE difference in the responses.


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## mar1 (Nov 10, 2011)

MrK said:


> I'll presume you are a wife and it is a husband staying out late with a bunch of other husbands. Please clarify. That will make a HUGE difference in the responses.


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

It WILL make a huge difference in the responses, but should it?

OP... is it one nite a week? Or several nites a week?


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## ncooke (Nov 4, 2011)

"All the time" is pretty ambiguous.

How often, specifically?
Is this a change or does he always go out this regularly?
Why don't you go out with him?


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

SunnyT said:


> It WILL make a huge difference in the responses, *but should it?*
> 
> OP... is it one nite a week? Or several nites a week?


Absolutely it should. Both would be bad, but a woman hanging out with men drinking at night is way way more of a problem as it would be for a man also hanging out drinking with other women.

Guys hanging out with guys and woman hanging out with women is way different from one spouse hanging out with members of the opposite sex doing these same things. Even once in a while this would be very bad. Often it craziness.

You think!?


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## mar1 (Nov 10, 2011)

I am the fiancee and he is the fiance. He'll be my husband very soon. I'd like to get to the bottom of this first. The behavior is relatively new. We've been together for a long time and he never did this until a certain coworker joined the team. Ever since then he's been going out after work I'd say 2-3 times a week at least, staying out later and later. it's quite a change so it's throwing me offbalance. His colleagues are male,.older than us in their 40s and 50s and they're all married. I can't imagine they are all doing this. A couple of drinks is fine but staying til closing time is ridiculous. What do you guys think I should do?


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## hunter_aussie (Nov 7, 2011)

I've been with my husband for 10 years and have had this problem for the last four so I'm probably not the best person for advice, but I do understand!
It could really be anything - sometimes they find another guy to hang out with who's out all the time, and it's just more fun than coming home to stay drinking til the end. Then it becomes more days, and longer nights. Especially if you start "nagging" them about it.
As you're about to get married, now is the best time to sit down and discuss what you will and won't accept in your marriage. How long you think it's appropriate for him to be out, how you feel when he is etc. Give yourself a voice without accusing him of anything and see what he says. Lay it down now so he knows your boundaries. If you're unhappy about it now don't let it fester.
He could just be sowing some wild oats before marriage (with the boys) who knows - only you will when you talk to him.
Best of luck!


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

*a woman hanging out with men drinking at night is way way more of a problem as it would be for a man also hanging out drinking with other women.*

Not to the spouse.... I know, it's a male pov, but to a wife... seems the same.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

SunnyT said:


> *a woman hanging out with men drinking at night is way way more of a problem as it would be for a man also hanging out drinking with other women.*
> 
> Not to the spouse.... I know, it's a male pov, but to a wife... seems the same.


I sense you have missed my point so I will try to clarify.

Let's use her situation for simplicity. It is better for her husband to be out with a bunch of guys drinking than being the only guy out late drinking with a bunch of women.

Neither is great but him out with other women is a lot more to be concerned about.

A wife out with other women drinking is not good. A wife out drinking with a bunch of men drinking is insane.

Now maybe you did understand this before your reply. You are saying that to a wife it is the same if her husband were out with only men as a husbnad out with only women? If so I know my wife would differ with you for sure.


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