# Update...



## livelaughlovenow (Apr 23, 2012)

So it didn't take long for him to decide he wanted to talk to me... that was last night. He said that he knows I've been distant. I told him that since we have moved our entire lives have changed and I have seen a side of him, that if I had seen when we were dating, he wouldn't have even been my choice of date. (IE: Hugging woman all the time, etc). He said he knows that he has not been that attentive at home and he needs to work on that, but he is committed and cares, or he wouldn't be talking to me. We discussed him potentially going back to work, didn't come up with a solution on that yet because our kids are so much better when one of us is home to do homework at a normal time. We talked about spending more quality time together, and not just tv. He said some things are just part of his personality that I didn't see before because our lives were totally different. I get that. I explained to him my opinion on determination vs. desperation and how i feel desperate lately to want him to show he loves me, etc... not just say it. He asked me why I didn't say I love you over the last few days, I told him that it is almost habit to just say it on the phone, I don't want things to be habit, I want them to be heartfelt and meaningful. He said he understood. Reassured me that he only loves me, he isn't messing around etc. We discussed many things and talked for about 3 hours. I even explained to him emotional disconnect, and how quickly an emotional affair can develop and that was my concern, because there hasn't been much connection at home. He was very receptive to changing.... mentioned a couple things about me that aggrivate him, but said he just lets the little things slide and how over the last 3 years, we have communicated more than ever, and he just hates when I stew on things and don't bring them up immediately. He has mentioned this before. He did bring up he feels like I don't trust him. I explained (as he knows, my anxiety versus trust)... I told him there are other woman that tip my anxiety but that don't tip my radar because I can see the difference in how he interacts with them. He said at one point he would stop being friendly with all women if it would make me happy. I said I dont want him to change his personality on account of me, because that is not the purpose of learning each other as we grow and change. People do change as they grow up. We were kids when we got married adn we have both changed. I also expressed my frustation (he asked) in doing things he wants to do all the time, giving into all his needs, while feeling like my own, which I have expressed are not being met. He said why don't you ask me to do things? I told him because the things I would want to do he isn't interested in... he said he would do better to take an interest in the things that I am interested in, since I have done that for him (Ie he knows video games are not always my forte but I will play because he enjoys the quality time).... 
So I think the 180 helped. I knew the not saying "I love you" would be the kicker... I just didn't expect him to be so calm about things. He was more upset.. said he was hurt, he wants to make me happy as I am his best friend. We discussed respect, I told him I couldn't believe the night before he left with no note no text (while I was gone but he fully knew where I was) and that was disrespectful to me.
So I will keep you all updated. There is no longer a reason for him to speak to the chick I mentioned before, as the project is over, so I will be keeping my eyes and ears open, if he meant what he said last night, then maybe I was reading into things... he drives me crazy sometimes, but sometimes he puts the gas in and I push the peddle. 
I have to thank many of you for your input, as no matter what direction this goes, I feel stronger, stronger to communicate what I do want, don't want, and how I really feel, and strong enough that I don't need to lean on him for everything.


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## tiamaria02 (Jun 18, 2013)

Be cautious, always. If it went possibly this far before, it may happen again. Wishing you the best though!


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## Headspin (May 13, 2012)

mmm...



livelaughlovenow said:


> So it didn't take long for him to decide he wanted to talk to me... that was last night. He said that he knows I've been distant. I told him that since we have moved our entire lives have changed and I have seen a side of him, that if I had seen when we were dating, he wouldn't have even been my choice of date. (IE: Hugging woman all the time, etc). He said he knows that he has not been that attentive at home and he needs to work on that, but he is committed and cares, or he wouldn't be talking to me. We discussed him potentially going back to work, didn't come up with a solution on that yet because our kids are so much better when one of us is home to do homework at a normal time. We talked about spending more quality time together, and not just tv. He said some things are just part of his personality that I didn't see before because our lives were totally different. I get that. I explained to him my opinion on determination vs. desperation and how i feel desperate lately to want him to show he loves me, etc... not just say it. He asked me why I didn't say I love you over the last few days, I told him that it is almost habit to just say it on the phone, I don't want things to be habit, I want them to be heartfelt and meaningful. He said he understood. Reassured me that he only loves me, he isn't messing around etc. We discussed many things and talked for about 3 hours. I even explained to him emotional disconnect, and how quickly an emotional affair can develop and that was my concern, because there hasn't been much connection at home. He was very receptive to changing.... mentioned a couple things about me that aggrivate him, but said he just lets the little things slide and how over the last 3 years, we have communicated more than ever, and he just hates when I stew on things and don't bring them up immediately. He has mentioned this before. He did bring up he feels like I don't trust him. I explained (as he knows, my anxiety versus trust)... I told him there are other woman that tip my anxiety but that don't tip my radar because I can see the difference in how he interacts with them.
> 
> He said at one point he would stop being friendly with all women if it would make me happy.
> 
> ...





livelaughlovenow said:


> He said at one point he would stop being friendly with all women if it would make me happy.


DO that exactly that. 
Ask him to change that 
If he loves you and does not want to see you hurt this should be no problem for him at all

Did you specifically talk about the behavior at the function where both he and her made you feel like shvt and he was happy to sit there and let that be the case. Nil respect. NONE 

I see a rug being rather well swept here but good luck anyway hope you're not back with another story too soon


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