# Trying to move on with US.



## mr.niceguy (Oct 17, 2009)

I have caught my wife having EA's with other guys in the past and she always played it off and stayed calm. Past 3 years. In January I walked in on her and another woman. I was shocked but invited in so in shock I did. Two days later I find that she is still talking to a man 2 years earlier the told me she met in France but they were just friends but by her reaction I knew it was more but put it off. One week later find that she is pregnant with our first child(yes he is mine) 7 months into the pregnancy after many talks and me finally getting trust back for her I found she was still talking to this guy and I was far from happy. I was pretty much devastated she was an hour away and not answering her phone so I went there to confront her. She promised again not to speak with him. After she blocked his email and number I got an email from him telling me some nasty things some true some not. She told me she could never speak to him again after he badmouthed her the way he did. After all this our son is born we love him as all parents should and I love being a daddy but don't have deep feelings for my wife since I found out she was still talking to him at 7 months pregnant. I have had friends along the way helping me get through my depression (Diagnosed 3 years ago) and a couple know every detail because they were there for me. While looking for online forums to help me think I ran across one that sounded familiar and found that it was my wife and she did have more than the affairs I knew of. Also found that she met this french guy on the forum. (kick in the nuts)She was going through tough times and was looking for herself but I feel destroyed even though she wants me now. The worst thing I ever said to her was call her a *****(not proud of that one) I guess I could really use a good success story to help me out and some kind words. I love her! I am honest with her in every way telling her I have thoughts of going out and having sex with any woman who would with me and that I am not in love with her currently. We married shortly after high school and we know people go through phases of in love and not in love and change over time. We will always love each other as first true loves and the parent of our child. 

No insurance or money for a counselor but I have tried the county ones and they made things more confusing and I truely hated it. I am planning to look into it again even though I have had bad experiences in the past.

Thank you 
Mr. Niceguy
Struggle every day with this.


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## Sven (Nov 18, 2009)

Did you wife actually cheat on you? I'm so sorry for you going through this. You will need to 'lay down the law' at some point, or it will not stop.

And do not cheat on her.


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## mr.niceguy (Oct 17, 2009)

She has had very inappropriate relationships with men. So yes she has cheated. As for the physical part I do not know for sure. At this point she knows she is out the door and I will move on. She told me she exaggerated it to get more attention.. but finding this stuff hurts.

I have not cheated on her. I was with her and the other woman that I caught her with that night.

Quotes from her posts

*As we were talking about how good it was to see each other, I caught myself looking in his eyes and him holding my hand. We acknowledged that we know we are both in other committed relationships and don't want to jeopardize them, but in a way we ignored it and were open to discussing the attraction between us and how crazy it is to be in the same room together. We continued to laugh and hold hands through the afternoon. It felt so right. 

I've had an affair before and told my friend this long before we realized our chemistry. He knows that I still haven't fully emotionally let go of the other man and that I'm also not confident about my marriage. I'm definitely at a weak point.*


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## Sven (Nov 18, 2009)

Wow. I'm sorry man. Drop the hammer on this now, get a lawyer and that will get her attention.


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## crazybunnie25 (Nov 18, 2009)

Emotional Affairs are still cheating. Cheating is not only physical.

It looks as if she is trying to understand what she had done, but unsure if she can keep away from these men.

You talked to her about this, correct? How it affected you and how you feel?

What was her response? 

Sometime Theraphy doesn't help, and sometime it does, all depends on the person helping and depends on you and your wife.

Everyone falls in and out of love, its not easy to keep ones attention on only one person.

Depending on your goal in life, there are ways around it.

I know lots of people who have made it through infidelity. 
-They fall back in love with each other, althrough it took alot of work but they did it.
-One would just live with the other while the other would continue the affair. This is a VERY hard thing to cope with. But it works because they rely on each other.
-Both are cheaters and just lived with it. They made it part of their relationship.

All in all it really depends on your goal in life.

With a child. PLEASE try not to fight in front of the child or make the child decide who to love. It's no fun what so ever to see your loving parents hate each other so much.


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## mr.niceguy (Oct 17, 2009)

Thank you Bunny!

I agree not to fight near our child he is only 9 weeks old and does not need to hear it.

I am looking into divorce and going to speak with a lawyer. It is a hard decision but today I found a very recent lie that just puts me on that edge again. Things were going well and she contacted one of the other guys and tried to hide it. I am very bummed and waiting for her to come home so we can speak in person. Over 3 years of this is more than anyone should take=(


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## Sven (Nov 18, 2009)

Good luck, get that lawyer.


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## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

Run, she is a serial cheater of the first order. She will not stop. Free yourself so you can find someone who will love only you.


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