# I want out... suggestions?



## mc1984 (Jun 25, 2012)

I met my husband online playing a video game in February 2004 when I was living with my boyfriend at the time. My husband and I were just friends while I was with my ex-boyfriend. When my boyfriend and I broke up I started talking to my husband a lot. He ended up visiting me for a 2 week period in December 2006 and we hit it off and "fell in love." 

I left my ex-boyfriend for several reasons. I lived with him for 3 years and he never had a stable job. For the 3 years I was there he had about 10 different part-time jobs that never lasted more than 4 months. I couldn't handle the instability and laziness. He was super lazy all the time and had a horrible way of talking to me, I had to leave.

My husband knew about all of this and promised me the world, pretty much. In July 2007 my husband moved in with me and we got married in December 2008. In August 2007 he got a job working with Home Depot and he moved up to full-time within a couple months and then got promoted to Supervisor within his first year there. Things were going smoothly and he was ambitious and motivated until he started smoking weed. 

A year after becoming a Supervisor, my husband decided to step down because of the "stress." How much stress can you have for a $12 an hour job?! I thought it was a stupid excuse, but I supported him nonetheless. On top of him stepping down, there are times where he volunteers to go home early when the store is slow... so he doesn't really have a full-time job anymore with all the times that he leaves early and calls out sick. Now with the $200 a month pay decrease and him spending anywhere from $60-$100 on weed a month, we were struggling. We had to downgrade from smart phones to regular phones, cancel our cable TV, and downgrade other various expenses. 

There was a 6 month period not too long ago where he stopped smoking weed in order to find a new job (drug test purposes). But they were all jobs that I had applied to for him, and I made the resume. He showed up for the interviews, but he was never hired. Soon after this happened he started smoking weed again.

I am extremely ambitious and motivated at work. I've been working for the same company going on 9 years, I make $20 an hour (twice as much as my husband) I am graduating college in May 2013 with a Bachelor degree in Business. I can't live the rest of my life with somebody like this. If I didn't have 2 dogs with him (that he loves just as much as I do), it would be super easy to leave him. We have a joint bank account and I'm scared that he will spend all of my money if I mention anything about leaving him (which has happened in the past with him). I'm tempted to open up a new bank account, pack up all of my stuff while he is at work one day and leave with the dogs... Any suggestions?


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## River1977 (Oct 25, 2010)

I don't understand anything you wrote. For one thing, all that you say you cancelled and could no longer afford are things your salary alone can pay for. Do you live in a castle or something and drive Lamborghinies? Additionally, if he spent all the money from the joint bank account, why would still maintain a joint bank account? Whatever happens is what you ask for. 

Surely, this is just another troll post. Right?


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## bluelaser (May 26, 2012)

> If I didn't have 2 dogs with him (that he loves just as much as I do), it would be super easy to leave him.


I didn't think this was a valid reason to stay with someone. I had to read this twice to make sure you said dogs not kids




> I'm tempted to open up a new bank account, pack up all of my stuff while he is at work one day and leave with the dogs... Any suggestions?


Looks like you have the right idea. It all depends how good you are hiding your money from him. Unfortunately in CA even after divorce you are still financially tethered at the hip. You'll be paying him alimony, all you can end is the obligation to be around him and have sex.

(......... sucks, doesn't it? )


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## mc1984 (Jun 25, 2012)

If he can't afford a lawyer, can he still get alimony? I thought people only got alimony if they weren't able to work. He is fully capable of getting a better job, but he is just too lazy and refuses to better himself.

*Edit*
Just did some research, found out that in CA if you are married less than 10 years you don't have to pay alimony... we've only been married 3.5 years. On top of that we don't have children and he isn't disabled so he wouldn't get any money anyways.




River1977 said:


> I don't understand anything you wrote. For one thing, all that you say you cancelled and could no longer afford are things your salary alone can pay for. Do you live in a castle or something and drive Lamborghinies? Additionally, if he spent all the money from the joint bank account, why would still maintain a joint bank account? Whatever happens is what you ask for.
> 
> Surely, this is just another troll post. Right?


In response to this ^... sorry if I wasn't clear enough, just super frustrated, having a hard time living with somebody who tells me they love me, but won't listen to how frustrated I am because they are high all the time. I tell him that he over-drafted the bank account, he never learns his lesson. The thing about having separate accounts right now is that he would overdraw his account leaving me with paying all the bills anyway and not getting any help from him. It is pointless... unless I take his debit card away and give him cash for gas... I wonder how well that will sit with him. 

As for our salary... we live in Los Angeles, our rent is $1100 a month, our credit card bills (thanks to him) are $900 a month, our food bill (thanks to him) is about $400 for groceries plus whatever he spends on fast food at lunch (even when he can make his own lunch and bring it with him) its like I'm feeding a horse, car payment is $400 a month, cell phone/electricity/gasoline/internet $400 on a good month, $110 a month on car insurance... it is freaking expensive to live. And this doesn't even include his weed habit. He only brings in $300 a week if I'm lucky and he works his full 40 hours. It is getting out of hand. Separate bank accounts will be crazy hard, but I guess it is the next step I need to take before moving out.


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## bluelaser (May 26, 2012)

> Just did some research, found out that in CA if you are married less than 10 years you don't have to pay alimony... we've only been married 3.5 years. On top of that we don't have children and he isn't disabled so he wouldn't get any money anyways.


Good! There's your golden ticket out of the situation. 

After you leave don't look back and don't take him back. People like what you described don't change much. No one stops working due to "stress" when you have bills to pay. And responsible men with some self respect don't have their wives write their resume and apply for jobs on their behalf. 

(Looks like you tend to attract lazy men :scratchhead


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