# Wife Says No Longer In Love With Me



## Wondering77 (Jan 8, 2014)

Hi.Everyone. I need some help. I have been with my wife 18 years and married for 15 years and we have one boy of 13. I have always found my wife hard to please. I own my own company and she does 15 hours a week working for me.As the recession has got worse things money wise have got harder and i have asked her to help and do more hours as we are only just meeting our bills.She has refused and told me that i should be proud to let her stop work totally.She used to do 40 hours a week but cut right back when our sone was born with a view to going back when he was 5 and in school but never did.This has meant i have had to work 70 plus hours a week to get by.For several years she has been what i would call selfish in bed, she would never give me foreplay or oral even after i gave oral to her for an hour or so.I was not happy but something is better than nothing.We are now in our 40's and about 4 years ago ( this is a bit embarrasing) i found that her ***** was starting to get looser and i simply could not feel a thing.This was when we were face to face in a normal position but was ok from behind but she doesnt like it that way.... This went on for about 4 years and 4 weeks ago i thought i had to say something. I checked on google and found this was quite common at this age and every man was saying if you tell your wife, however gently you are in deep trouble. I told her that this was the problem and she went ballistic. I told her about Kegal exercises, which work well for me and she just said that it was my problem, i said it was OUR problem. That night she said it is over and she no longer is in love with me and over the last 4 weeks she now seems to thoroughly despize me.We live in the same house at present with our son.I have been told i can no longer touch her or hold her or watch tv or do anything with her and i am sleeping in the spare bedroom.She will not discuss us at all and says she has not loved me for the last 13 years.Has anyone any ideas? She says she does not want to leave our son as she knows he will want to stay with me as he does not like her much as she is often unkind to him.For 18 years everything seemed fine and now this...Do i put up with this for my sons sake and accept this miserable situation?


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Wondering77 said:


> Hi.Everyone. I need some help. I have been with my wife 18 years and married for 15 years and we have one boy of 13. I have always found my wife hard to please. I own my own company and she does 15 hours a week working for me.As the recession has got worse things money wise have got harder and i have asked her to help and do more hours as we are only just meeting our bills.She has refused and told me that i should be proud to let her stop work totally.She used to do 40 hours a week but cut right back when our sone was born with a view to going back when he was 5 and in school but never did.This has meant i have had to work 70 plus hours a week to get by.For several years she has been what i would call selfish in bed, she would never give me foreplay or oral even after i gave oral to her for an hour or so.I was not happy but something is better than nothing.We are now in our 40's and about 4 years ago ( this is a bit embarrasing) i found that her ***** was starting to get looser and i simply could not feel a thing.This was when we were face to face in a normal position but was ok from behind but she doesnt like it that way.... This went on for about 4 years and 4 weeks ago i thought i had to say something. I checked on google and found this was quite common at this age and every man was saying if you tell your wife, however gently you are in deep trouble. I told her that this was the problem and she went ballistic. I told her about Kegal exercises, which work well for me and she just said that it was my problem, i said it was OUR problem. That night she said it is over and she no longer is in love with me and over the last 4 weeks she now seems to thoroughly despize me.We live in the same house at present with our son.I have been told i can no longer touch her or hold her or watch tv or do anything with her and i am sleeping in the spare bedroom.She will not discuss us at all and says she has not loved me for the last 13 years.Has anyone any ideas? She says she does not want to leave our son as she knows he will want to stay with me as he does not like her much as she is often unkind to him.For 18 years everything seemed fine and now this...Do i put up with this for my sons sake and accept this miserable situation?


What was her childhood like?


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

So she doesn't want to leave for the reasons she's given,but most likely because she'd have to get a job. The big question is... Given the limitations she's put on your relationship, why do YOU want to stay in a relationship with her?

Oh, and read up on "No More Mr. Nice Guy"...

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Hmm, I wonder how you'd feel if you lost some hair due to aging and she told you she couldn't be attracted to you anymore, then suggested you get some Rogaine. The loose #@$#& is a totally separate issue and as you said it happens with age, so it's a sensitive issue and probably hurt her feelings.
On another note, you've offered your side where your wife is all wrong and you've done nothing but be a perfect husband, but I'm sure there's another side to this. Have you guys tried MC? I bet there are resentments in play here.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Your princess won't abdicate the throne. You'll have to depose her or be subjugated.


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## Wondering77 (Jan 8, 2014)

Hi

P Bear. I am staying for my son at present, i was also hoping that my wife would change her mind? 

Her childhood was very good as far as i know.


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## Wondering77 (Jan 8, 2014)

Life is too short.

Yes, i suppose i have given one side to this. My wife seems to resent how much i work but when i have asked her to work more than a few hours a week she simply refuses. She will not use MC she is not interested. I may not be a perfect husband but i think i have been very soft with her. Here is another thing. She has never been a good housewife. I get perhaps 1 to 2 meals a week cooked and the house is a total mess and her mum comes and cleans weekly. I am not sexist but i think that if i am working 70 plus hours a week and paying ALL bills that i should have a dinner or tea made.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Wondering77 said:


> Life is too short.
> 
> Yes, i suppose i have given one side to this. My wife seems to resent how much i work but when i have asked her to work more than a few hours a week she simply refuses. She will not use MC she is not interested. I may not be a perfect husband but i think i have been very soft with her. Here is another thing. She has never been a good housewife. I get perhaps 1 to 2 meals a week cooked and the house is a total mess and her mum comes and cleans weekly. I am not sexist but i think that if i am working 70 plus hours a week and paying ALL bills that i should have a dinner or tea made.


Did you do anything to communicate that expectation?

Or did you simply simmer with resentment?


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## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

It takes 2 people to make a marriage work, but only one to kill it.

Sounds like there are some major communication issues here. Why is your wife unwilling to save her marriage? And are you sure there isn't anyone else involved? Usually the "I don't love you" speech comes when there is a 3rd person involved.


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## Wondering77 (Jan 8, 2014)

Hi, Conrad, When i have asked her to help and work a few more hours a week she clearly stated no chance and that i should be proud to look after her.


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

lifeistooshort said:


> Hmm, I wonder how you'd feel if you lost some hair due to aging and she told you she couldn't be attracted to you anymore, then suggested you get some Rogaine. The loose #@$#& is a totally separate issue and as you said it happens with age, so it's a sensitive issue and probably hurt her feelings.
> On another note, you've offered your side where your wife is all wrong and you've done nothing but be a perfect husband, but I'm sure there's another side to this. Have you guys tried MC? I bet there are resentments in play here.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


True but this is not why she fell out of love with him. She does seem a little entitled but I'd bet the 70 hours per week plays a significant role in this. If you don't spend enough time together, eventually you grow apart.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Again, read the "No More Mr. Nice Guy". The position of 2014 poster boy is still open. 

Just teasing. Mostly. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Wondering77 (Jan 8, 2014)

I am sure working 70 hours a week has not helped with our home life BUT my wife made it very clear it was up to me to earn the money.I have tried to talk to her several time sthis last 4 weeks but she says i have neglected her for too long. When i said i have had to do so many hours myself she just said that was my fault..


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## Stretch (Dec 12, 2012)

First of all, tell the b!tch to move to the guest room. Next, get a lawyer and find out how you can get her out of your house and away from your kid. Serve her papers, get divorced and enjoy your new life without her drama and with new, younger, hotter women.

Seriously, you sound like a successful guy and she is dragging you down!

180, go dark, don't look back,
Stretch


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## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

Sounds like she has lost respect for you and is a very entitled person. 

Its going to take a good MC to help you two communicate effectively again.


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## ThreeStrikes (Aug 11, 2012)

Wondering77 said:


> Hi
> 
> P Bear. I am staying for my son at present, *i was also hoping that my wife would change her mind? *
> 
> Her childhood was very good as far as i know.


Good gawd why????

She sounds like an absolute shrew. Doesn't want to have sex. Doesn't clean. Doesn't cook. Doesn't work. Her own son doesn't like her. Hmmm....

What does she contribute to your relationship?


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## Wondering77 (Jan 8, 2014)

Hi, Can you please explain " entitled person" thank you


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Wondering77 said:


> I am sure working 70 hours a week has not helped with our home life BUT my wife made it very clear it was up to me to earn the money.I have tried to talk to her several time sthis last 4 weeks but she says i have neglected her for too long. When i said i have had to do so many hours myself she just said that was my fault..


This surprises you?

What isn't your fault?


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## Wondering77 (Jan 8, 2014)

Hi, Three strikes
You are so right, i need to sort this, I said to her at work today as she does a few hours ( for her fun money, she calls it) I said you are been nice to me today and she said at work i am paying her to be nice....


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## Wondering77 (Jan 8, 2014)

Hi, Conrad
She said it was my fault i worked 70 hours and i said if she helped me with working say 30 hours a week it would mean i could do less and spend more time together but she was not interested.


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## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

Wondering77 said:


> Hi, Can you please explain " entitled person" thank you


She feels she deserves everything she wants without putting in any effort to get it. Like things should be handed to her on a silver platter b/c she is so "great".


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## ThreeStrikes (Aug 11, 2012)

Are the two of you American? Is she of a different ethnic culture?


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## Wondering77 (Jan 8, 2014)

Hi. We are both UK both Christian.


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## Wondering77 (Jan 8, 2014)

YES Bride 04
She really does seem to think life revolves around her.


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## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

Wondering77 said:


> YES Bride 04
> She really does seem to think life revolves around her.


Has she always felt this way? And not just with you but with people/life in general?

I'm not sure what advice to give for someone like this, if they feel they deserve something and don't get their way, it usually ends up with a bunch of anger.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Wondering77 said:


> Hi, Conrad
> She said it was my fault i worked 70 hours and i said if she helped me with working say 30 hours a week it would mean i could do less and spend more time together but she was not interested.


Trying to reason and gain approval from an irrational person doesn't usually work.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Conrad said:


> Trying to reason and gain approval from an irrational person doesn't usually work.


It's easy to get approval from an irrational person... Just keep doing whatever they ask, and don't question them. Might be difficult to KEEP their approval, I guess...

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

She doesn't sound personally vested in your business but is more than happy to reap the rewards. Running a business is difficult work but you made that choice. Any which way you look at it, you have little time to stay connected with her but if she was personally vested in the business, you might be able to make it work. This isn't her thing ... she likes the rewards but doesn't want to make an effort to help. She expects you to handle it but at the end of the day you will get the blame for the hours you put in to keep the business running. Hours that you are not spending with her. She seems to have a very unrealistic view of how things work. Princess. Entitled. With few exceptions, only on television can a man run a business, be successful at it and have a normal amount of free time. 

In the UK, what would happen to the business if the two of you divorced?


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## Wondering77 (Jan 8, 2014)

Hi, Bride 04
She has always been self centred yes, but we did seem to get along until recently.


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## Wondering77 (Jan 8, 2014)

Hi, Just some guy who
Uk business law can be harsh on business owners, thankfully my business is a shop so mainly my time as the asset of the business


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## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

*Re: Re: Wife Says No Longer In Love With Me*



Wondering77 said:


> Hi, Bride 04
> She has always been self centred yes, but we did seem to get along until recently.


Hmmm if changes in a majority of her behavior are different suddenly, you may need to do some investigating to make sure there isn't anyone else in the picture...like another man.


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## Wondering77 (Jan 8, 2014)

Hi, Bride 04
Only thing different is she now says she doesnt love me, she has always been poor cook poor housewife and non supportive of me in general, if it wasnt for my boy, i would have called it quits


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

PBear said:


> It's easy to get approval from an irrational person... Just keep doing whatever they ask, and don't question them. Might be difficult to KEEP their approval, I guess...
> 
> C
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Just as easy to lose yourself.


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

Have you read about the 180 approach?


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## Honorbound (Nov 19, 2013)

Wondering77 said:


> Hi, Bride 04
> Only thing different is she now says she doesnt love me, she has always been poor cook poor housewife and non supportive of me in general, if it wasnt for my boy, i would have called it quits


If your boy doesn't like her much either, that kind of kicks that reason in the teeth... doesn't it?

She behaves like a spoiled princess. Do you know why?

...because you have allowed her to, degree by degree, for years now. 

You are going to have to disabuse her of that notion if you ever want to be happy. 

Cut her off. Make her pay for her share of the bills while she is in the house. SEEK LEGAL COUNSEL. Find out what your rights are in regards to your child and your home. Tell her to get her own place and start paying her own way - you are not her doormat/personal ATM anymore. Read about the 180.

That would be the only thing that will make her change her mind... and I'm betting she will (unless there is another man involved).

...but do you really want her to? Seriously, brother, she sounds horrible.


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## Wondering77 (Jan 8, 2014)

Many thanks for replies which all help.
Honorbound
Loads of good info here and all you say is true.I suppose i have put up with this for an easy life.I was always scared she would take my son when he was say 3 to 8 but he is now 13.


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## melw74 (Dec 12, 2013)

No, you do not and should not have to put up with this at all. I think your wife is lacking respect for you, and is showing you no respect... Why are you in the spare room??.

If shes that unhappy, then make her sleep in there.

To tell you she has been unhappy, and that she has not loved you for 13 years is plain nasty in my book, if that was the case, then why the hell has she stayed with you.

Your wife seems a very selfish woman, I want i want i want, but what about what you want.???. Seems to me shes having EVERY thing on her terms....

My question is why would you want to stay married to her.??

Also the part about your son just saddens me. He would want to stay with you, because he does not like her..... because shes nasty to him. How very sad that a 13 year old boy feels that way about his own mother.

Look at it this way, your son is 13, hes not a baby, you do not need to stay with her, and put up with her crap.

You deserve more than your getting.


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## Wondering77 (Jan 8, 2014)

melw74
Thank you for this great reply


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Wondering77 said:


> melw74
> Thank you for this great reply


Why not start setting some boundaries?

What have you got to lose?


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## Wondering77 (Jan 8, 2014)

Hi,Conrad
This is good advise thank you.I have always avoided facing her too much but i have nothing to loose now. Now my son is 13 a bust up will not mean she can take him away.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Wondering77 said:


> Hi,Conrad
> This is good advise thank you.I have always avoided facing her too much but i have nothing to loose now. Now my son is 13 a bust up will not mean she can take him away.


We could likely do a little practice before you jump in with both feet.

Are you able to address her without using the word "you"?

Instead of, "You hurt me"

Say, "I'm not ok with how that went"

The first gets vigorous defense.

The second will rock her world.


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## Wondering77 (Jan 8, 2014)

Conrad
Thank you for this info sounds very good will do this first


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Wondering77 said:


> Conrad
> Thank you for this info sounds very good will do this first


Keep us posted.


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