# You all are right about my husband...



## toolate (Sep 22, 2009)

I just learned some eye opening info about him and "us" from his words to our friends. I am leaving, I just have to figure out how. the gross part is that he may either be having masochist/sadist non sex but sort of sex outside our marriage (resulting in his "unexplained" large bruises and one time scratch on his back...) he blew them off to bumping into a desk and that I scratched him or he was scratching his own back...

anyway I dont need to go into all the ugly details. I just have to make a plan that will get me out of here. I am going to have to have my ex husband on board... he will but I feel like I need to get on my knees and ask him to fogive me for making this huge error in jugement. 

There is a part of me that wants to believe this is wrong and Im wrong and he is the guy that I think he is, or he used to be. Im very confused.

AFEH, I think you were right about taking onto myself things I was seeing in him to minimize. It was like a lightbulb went off in my head last night talking with my girlfriends... and the curtain was lifted. 

I dont deserve my children after being here with them for 2 1/2 yrs... I just hope they arent scarred by me leaving him. My girlfriend said I can tell them when they are older....

They will hate me I think, they are my only blood relatives and it was so hard to even produce them... Im not only confused but scared out of my wits.

Ill post again another time when I can more sense. What have I done is all I can think about right now.


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## daisygirl 41 (Aug 5, 2011)

What have you done?
Why wouldn't your children want to be with you?
I must have missed something sorry x
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

toolate said:


> I just learned some eye opening info about him and "us" from his words to our friends. I am leaving, I just have to figure out how. the gross part is that he may either be having masochist/sadist non sex but sort of sex outside our marriage (resulting in his "unexplained" large bruises and one time scratch on his back...) he blew them off to bumping into a desk and that I scratched him or he was scratching his own back...
> 
> anyway I dont need to go into all the ugly details. I just have to make a plan that will get me out of here. I am going to have to have my ex husband on board... he will but I feel like I need to get on my knees and ask him to fogive me for making this huge error in jugement.
> 
> ...


Take it from me you are ok. Sort of. Most of us are like that. Sort of ok. If you need a voice send me a PM and we can chat.


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## dymo (Jan 2, 2012)

toolate said:


> anyway I dont need to go into all the ugly details. I just have to make a plan that will get me out of here. I am going to have to have my ex husband on board... he will but I feel like I need to get on my knees and ask him to fogive me for making this huge error in jugement.


What would you need forgiveness for? Did you leave your ex-husband for your current husband? Otherwise, I don't see what you'd need to apologize for. Marrying someone else?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Debbie Roxs (Dec 30, 2011)

Is there an older post I missed? It seems to start in the middle of the story?


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Is someone going to get rid of this "great helper" bot yet or what?


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

Toolate, take your children with you. If your husband is controlling and abusive, chances are great they will grow up that way too. We learn from our parents and follow their footsteps. 

There are places you can go where they will protect you and your children. You need to look online. Your husband can't find you there and you'll be safe until your on your feet again. Please take your children with you. They deserve a loving chance in life and brought up the right way. I did it. I left my abusive husband and took my daughter with me. It wasn't easy at first, but we made it and we are doing very well. I remarried a wonderful man!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## toolate (Sep 22, 2009)

The thing that I did was bring my children into a marriage with a man like this. I should have left long ago like others here said... long ago. In the mean time, I will be weaning my kids to living at their dads house with my presence nearly everyday until I can get things straight.

I know now exactly why I let myself get into this marriage and it was only partly to do with insecurity, much of it was selfish and some of it was because my lawyers (during my last divorce told me I couldnt leave him until after the divorce was final... they didnt want me to look like one of "those" women the judges dont particularly like). By the time the divorce was final, we just got carried away with making plans. My kids were so excited and I just let it happen with protest, but I let it happen.

I have been resentful ever since, especially when he backed out on his word to not with hold sex.

Its my fault that we are here at all, I should have had the strength to do what I knew was right at the time. I didnt, I chose to trust in someone untrustable, I chose to minimize red flags, I chose to accept his apology, when I should have walked away I showed him I will tolerate violence from him. I also allowed myself to join in his games and do things I never would have dreamed of doing before marrying him... I didnt have sex for 4 years(with my high sex drive and all!) in my last marriage and never ever would have entertained the idea of cheating, never. I cant believe the power of coping mechanisms... they make you fully believe what you are doing is ok.

This is why I reply so straightforwardly to other posters who are posting about red flags and deciding to continue anyway... it wont work... just like the others who had been in my situaiton before me had tried to tell me, long ago.


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