# how can i satisfy my unsatisfied wife?



## Jon Snow

We got married 3 years ago and have 2 amazing baby daughters, 2 years old and 8 months old. my wife is exceptionally beautiful and good looking (was a Model), well educated, charming (when she chooses ) and... strong. she wants to conquer the world" Career wise and wanting to have many things at once.

i thought i was OK Myself, but i don't know anymore...

I never felt unsecure with Women before. although i own a business with above 500 employees and offices in above 10 countries outside the US. and although i have lots of Friends (not Facebook friends) and self confidence in who i am and where i want to go, i also do sports and look fit.

i feel that my wife stop appreciating me and complaining all the time.

i work Hard but not coming home too late, looking after our daughters almost equally, taking them to and from the Kindergarden, spending lots of time with them, feeding, changing nappies and they are strongly connected to me (as much as they are to their mom).

i am obviously very attracted to my wife (she is not american but from Germany), trying to win her love with a lot of acts.
however she became very bitter and it seems that she always complains for wanting to move to a new house, wanting me to take her out (like i don't do that...) wanting that i will manage our money better, wanting that i will educate our kids exactly in her way, wanting me to talk in a different way, wanting and wanting...
Sex is an issue, as although we had a wonderful sex life, now she is not feeling into it too much and asking me to "conquer" her by being nicer during the day and by foreplaying, and when i try to get closer to her, she claims i am being pushy and don't know how to treat a woman... i am trying for god sake!

I get everyday a bitter wife that alwyas finds what's bad and wrong in my behaviour. She admits i am the best Daddy there is but she claims that i am not the prince she married.

what can i do to make her want me more??

thanks and sorry for the long post.


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## richie33

From what others write its stop doing so much. It's a endless circle trying to make a unhappy person happy. We get lost ourselves in this.
Misery loves company. Sorry your going through this. I understand.


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## Rags

some people refuse to be happy, no matter how good life is. (Conversely, some people refuse to be unhappy, no matter how bad life is.)

If she refuses to be happy no matter what you do, it's likely the problem lies with her, not you.

Would she consider counciling?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## anja

I am German. Born and raised. Can you tell me a bit about her? Her back ground, where in Germany she grew up, how long she's been in the US, how you met...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## hambone

She's acting the way she's acting because she's being rewarded... 

She snaps her fingers... and you jump....

Need to disconnect that button. But let me warn you... her behavior isn't going to change automatically.

I call it the "Coke machine theory". Every morning, you put your dollar in the machine and it gives you a coke. One day, you put your money in the machine.. no coke comes out... how do you respond? Do you just walk away? Hell no... you push that button several more times... you rock the machine... you curse the machine... maybe you even turn the machine over or hit it with a hammer. Next day.. you put your money in the machine... Maybe you press the button several times.. then you walk away. Next day.. you just walk by the machine and keep on going.

The moral to the story? When you disconnect the button, the behavior gets worse before it gets better. 

It will take her a few days to figure out that that button doesn't work any more...


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## RClawson

I cannot believe nobody has said it yet. You need to read Married Man Sex Life and No More Mr. Nice Guy. Someone please provide the links. 

Now I have no doubt you are a strong leader. Nobody creates a business like yours by being a pushover. I am impressed you have such a great work life balance. You need to assert yourself a bit more. Let your wife know there is no new house in the near future. Managing money better does sound like a great idea so run with that but pull back a little and start investing a bit of time in yourself for yourself.


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## WorkingOnMe

You take your 8 month old to and from kindergarten? Hmm, ok.


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## Jon Snow

WorkingOnMe said:


> You take your 8 month old to and from kindergarten? Hmm, ok.


i don't, she has a nanny, i just wasnted to shorten things a bit in the post


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## Jon Snow

il liked your Coke machine Therory, the problem arises when the Machine is the one that wants to give, give and give regardless to the "buyer" reaction.


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## Jon Snow

Anja, she is Bavarian, came from a cold, poor, christian family (MW is not relegious any more now). She pathed her way to better life on her own despite the horrible background she was given.


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## mablenc

What does she do? Work or school?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mablenc

Like your screen name by the way, make sure she doesn't start shooting arrows at you 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jon Snow

ha ha  you got me right...
she is a Marketing analyst in a Hi Tech Company


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## anja

How long has she been here for? Did she come over here for you or did she live here before you met?


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## Jon Snow

she was here already but was about to move back, she loved the country but wanted to taste more of te world.


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## ReformedHubby

I hate to go down this road but did your success come before you married her or afterwards? I ask because I have some knowledge about business owners and how difficult it can be to find someone that legitimately loves you for you. 

I own a company about half your size but I met my wife when I was a flat out broke loser. So for her everyday is like Christmas morning. She never thought we'd be where we are. 

Why is this relevant? I am friends with a lot of guys in the business that got married once they already had their money and the relationship dynamic is a lot different. For starters they became a lot more attractive when they found success. Not sure what it is but its like a pheromone or something. So its harder for them to pick a good mate out of all the potential ones. Also, not saying you did this but they spent a lot of loot upfront impressing their current wives. Which in some cases leads to the bar getting set higher and higher for them.

This brings me to my actual advice. Which some people won't like. You are basically the grown up equivalent of the All State QB. Men with your means are far and few between. My wife is keenly aware of how envious other women are of her because of my ability to provide. She doesn't treat me worse for it she appreciates it. Your wife should too. Why are you putting up with this? You are a boss at work. Be a boss at home too. Demand to be treated better or else. Others may disagree but I don't think you can romance your way out of this.


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## Kaboom

does anyone else have the feeling or suspicion that his wife might be right here in the thread trying to figure out if her husband is the one who started this thread?


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## ReformedHubby

Kaboom said:


> does anyone else have the feeling or suspicion that his wife might be right here in the thread trying to figure out if her husband is the one who started this thread?


Why do you say that? I don't see anyone with a minimal number of posts except for the OP. Some of his post do seem like he is defending her a lot based on the tone of the first post.


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## Kaboom

I was just curious about the one poster who is trying to wrench out specific details about his OH's origins, job title, etc.. much of that seems somewhat irrelevant to the topic, but very relevant towards confirming her identity. Just sayin.. op might be wise to clam up on the details and stick with more basics


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## Chris Taylor

"...but she claims that i am not the prince she married..."

OK, what's different? How have you changed? Or, has her expectations changed?

I changed drastically between my marriage and now... politically, financially, emotionally. This initially upset my wife but we worked through it.

If you did change, chances are that unless the changes were seriously bad (like you're a drunk or addict), you aren't going to change back. Call it maturing if you want. If that's the case, how will you explain to her that the changes are natural and she needs to go with the flow.

And I would also recommend Married Man Sex Life.


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## anja

Kaboom said:


> does anyone else have the feeling or suspicion that his wife might be right here in the thread trying to figure out if her husband is the one who started this thread?


Are you suspecting me?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jon Snow

Kaboom said:


> does anyone else have the feeling or suspicion that his wife might be right here in the thread trying to figure out if her husband is the one who started this thread?


wife has no clue. Anja is new to me like she is new to you guyz.


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## solvency7

dude,your opening post just displays shes bored, you could make her a 25ft heart made of string youve sewn together and painted it. women have these phases, most ive known anyway,as someone else said,just stop trying,your only egging yourself off doing it,she will return when she gets over herself


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## john117

Just a hint from another cross-cultural marriage. I've been to Germany many times for business and they're interesting people. They're not like us (Royal us). Only us is like us. 

Try to wear German-colored glasses when trying to interpret her reactions. I often get similar reactions from my colleagues there. They like things to be done just so, etc etc. 

How long has she lived here? does your place here or her work meet her 'expectations'?

It's just that some people have a hard time adapting to the US and vice versa. I'm from a country down the road from Germany where we take ourselves a bit less seriously . My wife is from one of these expansion -istan countries in Asia, affectionately known as Farawaystan, and even after 30 years I'm half convinced she could jump on the next plane back for good. 

What's her social network here? do you live in a place with big German influence (Huntsville, AL lolz)? 

20 years ago a friend went to France to work for a while and came back with a French wife. The wife barely tolerated the backwards US of A (Cambridge, Mass) and left within 6 months. Some people can handle the shock of transplant, some can't.


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## anja

The cultural adjustment is still happening in this marriage, and I've been in the US since 2004. You'd think two similarly developed countries couldn't possibly be that different -- and I did too, even after having lived in the UK and Switzerland before moving to the US. Boy, was I in for a surprise!! My husband too!

For what its worth, I would ask you to take her antics as not about you. Don't take it personal, I would bet that when it comes down to it, it really isn't about you. Only she may not know that herself. Yet. I would love to talk to her, PM me if you'd like my email address. I would like to offer to be her sounding board, understanding the cultural aspect and the particular feelings about being torn between home countries, the home sickness no matter which side of the ocean you're on. The head shaking political correctness that makes so little sense to Germans, the seemingly sloppy attitude... All of which are a perception thing that is ingrained in her personality. I get all that. If she is open, I'm willing.

On another note, we're currently in the South of France as an Expat family, 11 months down, 13 to go, and my husband can't wait to get out of this backwards country


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## Carlchurchill

post partum depression...very common, send her to a dr!


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## Vorlon

Hi Jon, 

Sorry your here but maybe something the good people at TAM may help you. 

I married a foreign born wife. She is British and I mistakenly thought that our cultures were close enough that it wouldn't really be a problem. I was wrong. In fact it is/was the little things that have caused the biggest problems.

First off you need to realize that she does not view life and what is important in life the same way you do and those differences are not at a surface level but deeply ingrained. This doesn't make her bad or even wrong. Simply different. Next you must realize that she married a successful man in charge of his life. She expects that of you 24/7. At home and at work. This will not change. Next, she respects the man she believed you to be. If you are not that man then she will not respect you and if she does not respect you she cannot love you. She obviously is not the warm nurturing easy going loving women you perceived or wished her to be. At least not in the way you wished she was. 

So if you want to be happily married to this women you will have to be large and in charge at home and at work. She is expecting you to be the man. She is not looking for a beta man. She is not even looking for an equal partner. She expects you to lead. If you are not leading in every aspect of your life either by laziness or a misconceptions that you must share the leadership you will not stay married to her. 

She is German first and foremost. She has cultural norms that are much less flexible than in other cultures. She respects confidence, she expects a man to lead and be successful. If you are not leading you are losing and will fast lose her respect for you. Thus she will quickly fall out of love and be gone. I'm not saying this to be mean spirited nor is this any ding against the German people. I have the highest respect for them. 

So step up man up or whatever you want to call it. Do not expect mercy nor can you nice your way through this. She is simply not wired to reward weakness in a man. Weakness is your problem. So yes this means you set the terms, you set the agenda, you determine how things are done in your house. She will fight you at first because she can't trust you lead right now but she will respect you in the end. The she will truly be able to love you rather than put you down. Your choice.

You can save but you have to be on your A game day and night. She will make it worth it in the end. If not you make it perfectly clear that she can be replaced. If she feels that you can't do with out her then she will see you as weak. Weak is not sexy nor is it worthy of her or yourself. 

Good Luck


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## Jon Snow

i get your points Solvency, Vorlon and Chris, this forum is a great tool, and i am not being sarcastic.


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## Jon Snow

anja said:


> The cultural adjustment is still happening in this marriage, and I've been in the US since 2004. You'd think two similarly developed countries couldn't possibly be that different -- and I did too, even after having lived in the UK and Switzerland before moving to the US. Boy, was I in for a surprise!! My husband too!
> 
> For what its worth, I would ask you to take her antics as not about you. Don't take it personal, I would bet that when it comes down to it, it really isn't about you. Only she may not know that herself. Yet. I would love to talk to her, PM me if you'd like my email address. I would like to offer to be her sounding board, understanding the cultural aspect and the particular feelings about being torn between home countries, the home sickness no matter which side of the ocean you're on. The head shaking political correctness that makes so little sense to Germans, the seemingly sloppy attitude... All of which are a perception thing that is ingrained in her personality. I get all that. If she is open, I'm willing.
> 
> On another note, we're currently in the South of France as an Expat family, 11 months down, 13 to go, and my husband can't wait to get out of this backwards country


Anja, excuse me if i am generalizing. and pls correct me if i am wrong, however i believe that many Germans often, feel that at some point they want to leave germany and explore the world... and quite often not return back. i believe that when you are out of your country you often don't feel at home and becoming very judgmental to the other cultures. my point is that when you feel "alone" you become bitter and extra judgmental, you don't have your family and childhood friends to straighten you and make you see other angles of the same problem...and as for her knowing that i am on this forum, don't believe it is a good idea  i really appreciate your support


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## anja

I don't know what gives you the idea that 



Jon Snow said:


> many Germans often, feel that at some point they want to leave germany and explore the world... and quite often not return back.


From the hundreds of people I have met while living in Germany I only know of 3 (including myself) that have left. The other two would be my cousins. One met the love of her life while on vacation and moved to Austria when they married, the other moved to Indonesia because that's where her partner's career took them.

Nobody else I know has an overwhelming sense of wanting to get out of Germany. A large number of my family and friends even vacation within Germany. In fact, I am part of the German community in my home town in upstate NY and most members there came to the US due to business or for a loved one. Some are now there permanently, like me, some just expats. I also know of several German families that have gladly moved back to Germany. In short, I know of not one soul that left Germany for the sole reason of leaving, as you imply. Consider yourself corrected.
As for "exploring the world"... I don't know what to make of this. You mean on vacation?

I agree with you that loneliness can lead to bitterness. However I don't understand your comment about family and childhood friends "straightening you". What do you mean by that? Are you being straightened out by your parents? 

And finally, why is it important that you keep this forum a secret from your wife?


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## john117

Ditto the above...Germans like to explore, but to wholesale move to another country... That's quite different.


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