# Question about financial situations making it hard to seperate.



## TGTLTBTS (Sep 16, 2011)

I was just wondering if there were other women/men that have had a hard time seperating because of financial concerns? I'm sure there is but just wanted to know from experiences how you did it and how it worked out for you?? I am worried if H and I decide to seperate and eventually divorce that I won't be able to support my children but don't see how I can stay in a bad marriage based on that alone?? So confusing & hard.....I am so torn between what this will do to my kids and what it is doing to me now! I hate myself & resent my H for being in this situation...sorry just venting....so upset lately


----------



## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

How many years have you been married? Can you say which state you live in? Equity states and community property states approach the separation of assets and liabilities differently.

Frequently, one of the most important aspects looked at is the length of the marriage, if you have worked during the marriage, how much your husband earns vs. how much you earn. Even in community property states, not everything is split 50/50 all the time.

I stuck it out over four years past the expiration date of my marriage due to finances. Finally, I didn't even care if I lived in a ditch because I couldn't stand looking at my ex drinking himself to death, detoxing and hallucinating, drinking again, detoxing again, etc. 

I got my half of the remaining equity out of the house (which had gone down about 50 percent over 3 years), liquidated my three CD's, and then got an attorney to look at any other assets, based on our tax returns made while we were married. No, I didn't walk away with much. But, most importantly, I had peace of mind that no money could buy.

See a good family law attorney to find out where you stand financially. Be sure to take copies of your federal tax returns because it will help an attorney to give you informed advice.


----------



## TGTLTBTS (Sep 16, 2011)

I have been married 16 years and worked the first 8 then raised our family the next 8 and just went back to work full time recently. We live in Ohio. I do not want anymore from my husband than what it will take to take care of our children when they are with me. I do not want to harm him financially or any other way for that fact.


----------



## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Have you looked at the child support laws in your state? Around here, that part is a pretty straightforward table based on income and custody percentage. Spousal is more complicated... But the guidelines are reasonably straightforward as well. 

Your best bet may be to find a lawyer who can lay things out for you financially.

I don't know if I would have been as willing to separate if my financial situation hadn't changed enough to let us all be comfortable. At one point not long ago, we were struggling to maintain one household on basically my income. I have no idea how we could have done two.

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## TGTLTBTS (Sep 16, 2011)

I have not looked into child support and what not and I suppose if we separate and things don't look like there will be a reconciliation then we will take that step at that time. How did your financial situation improve? New job or from support settlement? I too want us all to be comfortable my H included.


----------



## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

New job generating about 50% more income. Even in a separation, there's obligations. In my case, I make about 90% of the household income, so I continued to deposit the bulk of my money into "her" account (our old joint account). That's going to start to taper off this month, thankfully.

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## TGTLTBTS (Sep 16, 2011)

Thanks for the responses PBear, I appreciate it. I just got hired full-time and my H makes pretty good money so hopefully we can swing two households with both of us being comfortable. Neither one of us are extravagant or reckless with money so that is a blessing. I am still always looking for jobs that pay more......just in case.


----------

