# one way street??



## happilyeverafter? (Jul 5, 2014)

I am engaged to be married in less than a month and I'm questioning if this is the right thing to do. I first want to say that I am in love with this man. We met shortly after his first divorce and both brought in a child from both relationships. We work in public service so our hours are long and hetic. When we first met our sex life was great...as most new relationships are. Over time he has become lazy, inattentive and downright selfish in the bedroom. There are days when sex is the last thing on my mind but I "suck it up" and do what he wants (no complaining) because I feel that it is rare when both parties are 100% in the mood at the same time. I enjoy making him happy...if only it were a two way street.

Not to get into details...I do whatever he wants sexually. I've bought toys, watched movies and tried different things to make him happy....he has never once tried to do a single special thing for me. I've flat out told him that our sex life is not satisfying for me....he simply rolls his eyes and says im being dramatic. I've cried myself to sleep over this many of nights. I want passion, romance...something. I want him to want me. It's not just about sex. I want a sexual connection and it isn't there anymore. I've poured my heart and soul out to him and I sit here and listen to him snore after I tried to initiate sex and got turned down yet again. Im ready to give up and find someone who wants me. I've never cheated on anyone but after being pushed away constantly I understand what drives people to it. I just want to be touched and kissed the way I need. 


what do I do...is there anyone who has experienced this and had a change?


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## Coffee Amore (Dec 15, 2011)

Your font is very small and difficult to read on smart phones and tablets. You might want to edit to increase the font size.


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## happilyeverafter? (Jul 5, 2014)

thank you..I hope that my changes helped?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

You have told him how you feel. He does not just ignore you, he dismisses you.

Don't marry him. This is going to get a lot worse. A lot worse.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

happilyeverafter? said:


> thank you..I hope that my changes helped?


You should just let it default to normal size. There is no need to put size tags in your post.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

Do not marry this man.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

It will only get worse, not better, if he already has this level of contempt for your needs. The "rolling his eyes" is a sign of contempt, and research studies have proven that such relationships are destined to be bad and fail. Break up with him now, or change your username to UNhappilyeverafter!

http://www.gottman.com/research/research-faqs/

http://online.wsj.com/news/articles/SB1028578553586958760


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

I agree with the others. End it now. Why would you even consider marrying someone like this?


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## Miss Taken (Aug 18, 2012)

First, don't cheat on him. Second, don't marry him.

I suspect the only change you will find is if you break it off, heal from the loss and then find someone more compatible. This man doesn't care about your needs. Sex isn't everything but it is a lot of it and you need to be sexually compatible. He is not going to change and doesn't take your issues seriously.


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## colonelkfc (Jul 4, 2014)

happilyeverafter? said:


> I am engaged to be married in less than a month and I'm questioning if this is the right thing to do.


There's your answer.


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## staarz21 (Feb 6, 2013)

Don't do it. He's already shown you that he really just doesn't care what you think/feel. 

It won't get any better.

You CAN'T change him, so don't try.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

happilyeverafter? said:


> I am engaged to be married in less than a month and I'm questioning if this is the right thing to do. I first want to say that I am in love with this man. We met shortly after his first divorce and both brought in a child from both relationships. We work in public service so our hours are long and hetic. When we first met our sex life was great...as most new relationships are. Over time he has become lazy, inattentive and downright selfish in the bedroom. There are days when sex is the last thing on my mind but I "suck it up" and do what he wants (no complaining) because I feel that it is rare when both parties are 100% in the mood at the same time. I enjoy making him happy...if only it were a two way street.
> 
> Not to get into details...I do whatever he wants sexually. I've bought toys, watched movies and tried different things to make him happy....he has never once tried to do a single special thing for me. I've flat out told him that our sex life is not satisfying for me....he simply rolls his eyes and says im being dramatic. I've cried myself to sleep over this many of nights. I want passion, romance...something. I want him to want me. It's not just about sex. I want a sexual connection and it isn't there anymore. I've poured my heart and soul out to him and I sit here and listen to him snore after I tried to initiate sex and got turned down yet again. Im ready to give up and find someone who wants me. I've never cheated on anyone but after being pushed away constantly I understand what drives people to it. I just want to be touched and kissed the way I need.
> 
> ...



Sounds like you are HD and he is more LD and that he sort of baited and switched on you. Lots of good sex while dating and then we you got serious, the sex tapers off and you wonder what's going on and are you doing anything wrong?

You are fine. More than fine. Ideal woman. :smthumbup:

This is all him.

DO NOT MARRY THIS LD MAN.

Most LD's are like this. Get rid of him or put up with it for the entire relationship because LD's usually never ever change.

My wifee was LD from the time we got engaged and were married.......15 years of LD........only now, 6+ months, she has lost a lot of weight and is getting a sex drive, what I would call almost an Average Drive, up to 3x week, instead of 1 - 2x month.


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## murphy5 (May 1, 2014)

why did he get his divorce? Was his 1st wife starved for romance and sex too? 

I can see you want a husband with a kid to "mesh" into a new family unit. And you might overlook some minor faults to make it work...there are plenty of parenting duties that go a LOT EASIER with two of you. 

But heck, it at least has to be a marriage. And a marriage has to have love and sex


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

When confronted with a need from you, he refuses to meet it.

Does this seem like a man you should continue to have a relationship with? I don't.


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## OpenEnded (Jul 30, 2012)

happilyeverafter? said:


> Over time he has become *lazy, inattentive and downright selfish* in the bedroom.


Nah. Not become. He has always been like this and probably also in other areas of life. You are too blinded by love right now to notice. If you don't believe me ask his Ex-es. Just kidding.


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## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

I agree that you shouldn't marry him. lazy and selfish are horrible characteristics in a mate all it will do is make you feel more worthless if you know this and you marry him anyway. 

it's impossible to respect someone who is lazy and selfish and even more impossible if do that way in the bedroom. Because this guys going to do things that hurt you. and by the way rolling of the eyes is one of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse of divorce. That level of contempt it's been demonstrated guarantees a divorce. 

for some reason I can't take it a guy's name. Gary something and somebody will mention it and point to the right resource. in their studies they found it they can predict tool divorce by eye-rolling. 

listen to yourself listen to your brain and listen to your heart because your heart telling you that this guy isn't right for you. any love you have for him won't last. and all you doing would be rewarding him for bad behavior and trapping yourself. 

take good care of yourself. Good luck


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

I don't think happilyeverafter is describing a low drive guy. She's describing a selfish guy.

What she should do is put her needs at the forefront when sex is involved. Start by assuming he doesn't know what you want and tell her man what she wants him to do, how to do it, where to do it. If he doesn't, then he's certainly too selfish to (a) continue sex at that time and (b) to marry.


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

Dont marry him. You think its bad now, marry him It will only get worse....


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## where_are_we (May 24, 2013)

We can't tell you what to do. But I think you already know. If you are questioning if it is the right thing to do, then it probably is NOT the right thing.

Best wishes to you.

If it were me, I would run, not walk, as far away as possible before you are legally obligated to stay.


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