# She told me she wants her wedding ring back...but...



## Biscuits (Aug 2, 2012)

Short version of my story is...
I proposed, gave her a 2.1 total weight carat ring. 1.2 carat stone surrounded by a total of .9 carats. So, she had the ring about 2 months, we argued, she left and met her AP at the hotel, all of it prestaged. OK, I asked her if he saw it, touched it, she said yes...so I returned the ring. We are married and she does not, and as far as I'm concerned, will never have a ring...not a 10,000 Vera Wang at least, maybe something from wal-mart.

Here is the problem, she brought up the ring a few months after D-Day, wanted to know where it was, I told her she could have it back when she didn't cheat on me, she said she was faithful, and my reply was basically go f*** yourself if you believe you're getting another ring to wear while laughing at me in a hotel room showing off to your AP what a schmuck I am for giving you that and you not being faithful. 

So, now shes becoming more aggressive about it, my reply is always the same..."I did give you a ring, you had in on your finger when you did whatever with whoever...not happening again"

So, what would the peanut gallery do? I REFUSE TO GIVE HER A RING. We are married though, and Im sure shes at least trying to be faithful, but I dont know, or care enough about it to worry. just wanted some opinions..thanks in advance
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Why did you marry her?

It is one thing to find that the woman you married cheated on you. 
You married a cheater and you wonder why she is being so selfish and self centred ?


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## SaltInWound (Jan 2, 2013)

Is she wearing a wedding ring? That should be good enough. To me, the engagement ring just signifies a promise to marry. You are past that stage. Does she want the ring because it has a large monetary value? Are you sure your marriage is stable and that she is not planning to leave you and use the ring for monetary support by selling it? Just some thoughts.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Your post is bad, real bad!! Did you get a paternity test ?


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## AlphaHalf (Aug 5, 2012)

Do not give her a ring that expensive ever again. 

1) She violated your trust and ruined the marriage. She had her chance to be faithful and couldn't understand the concept. 

2) Its a $10,000 ring!!!!! How do you know she is only reconciling to get the ring back to sell it and leave you. 

3) She should be more grateful that you took her a$$ back to begin with and a few months of faithfulness is nothing to be proud. YOU DON'T GET CREDIT FOR DOING S#!T YOUR *SUPPOSED* TO BE DOING IN THE FIRST PLACE.( Its like a parent bragging about taking care of their children, Duh.. your supposed too.) A material item that was given to her should be the last thing on her mind. 

4) Is she truly remorseful or still feel entitled because if she expects to get a $10.000 ring back after what she's done then I think she isn't really remorseful at all.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

WHAT....she cheated before you were married and you married her anyways?


and now she has the nerve to ask you for her ring back! 

if it were me I would hit the road running and never look back!


I am having a hard time wrapping my mind as to why you are with this person.


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

I think you have bigger problems than a ring.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jasel (Jan 8, 2013)

Do NOT get her another ring. If she brings it up ignore her or change the subject. She should be grateful you even wound up marrying her after that.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Speaking from a strictly legal position (not moral - legal, there is a major difference) what you did might constitute theft. You cannot, legally, give someone a gift and then take it back, later.

However, why would someone show off their engagement ring to an AP? *Why*?:scratchhead:


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## AlphaHalf (Aug 5, 2012)

> Speaking from a strictly legal position (not moral - legal, there is a major difference) what you did might constitute theft. You cannot, legally, give someone a gift and then take it back, later.


If you have the receipt that shows proof it was purchased. I dont think anyone is going to question a wedding ring given from a husband.


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## SadandAngry (Aug 24, 2012)

Your post is terrible. You've cut far too much out, so much so that it doesn't really make sense. In short though, she would be lucky to get a pop can pull tab as a ring now.


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## bryanp (Aug 25, 2011)

Why did you marry her and why are you still married to her. Did you get tested for STD's?


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

MattMatt said:


> Speaking from a strictly legal position (not moral - legal, there is a major difference) what you did might constitute theft. You cannot, legally, give someone a gift and then take it back, later. *Why*?:scratchhead:


Depends on the judge. Legally, some courts find the engagement as a contract, you breach the contract, the "gift" must be returned. Yes, there is case law with Betrayed Fiance's suing to keep the ring or get it back. It is normally considered division of property not theft.


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## Biscuits (Aug 2, 2012)

To clear up some questions; I didn't find out about the affair until 5 months after we were married. I am STD free, the baby is mine, and the ring is gone forever. I'm never giving her another one. The ONLY reason I'm with her is my son, and it's a haggard relationship now. She still does her facebook and has "her time"...is she cheating, I dont care. As long as she doesnt neglect or abuse the boy then ill stay.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

Got out of this marriage. Life is too short to be miserable. When you stop to caring if your spouse is cheating or not its over.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jasel (Jan 8, 2013)

Biscuits said:


> To clear up some questions; I didn't find out about the affair until 5 months after we were married. I am STD free, the baby is mine, and the ring is gone forever. I'm never giving her another one. The ONLY reason I'm with her is my son, and it's a haggard relationship now. She still does her facebook and has "her time"...is she cheating, I dont care. As long as she doesnt neglect or abuse the boy then ill stay.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


"As long as she doesn't neglect or abuse the boy then ill stay"???

Just wondering how that type of relationship/environment is good for the child exactly? You ever think _splitting up _might be in his best interest as opposed to staying together (I swear it seems like no parents ever seem to consider this)? You don't think he's eventually going to pick up on a toxic relationship like that between his parents growing up and not internalize it to some extent? 

If he's young enough why not split now so you can both, or at least one of you, find someone you can be happy with and be in a healthy relationship he can be exposed to before he's old enough to remember a divorce/nasty split/volatile and unhealthy marriage between his parents?? 

Because with the start you guys are off to a divorce is quite likely down the road anyway.


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## naga75 (Jul 5, 2012)

i'd make her a ring out of construction paper.


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

Biscuits you're pissing your life away. If you stay on this road, one day you'll look in the mirror, see a much older guy, and hate yourself for being a stubborn fool who squandered so many years to gain nothing. Staying for the kids is way overrated. Kids living in a cold war zone tend grow up to be damaged and take their faulty "programming" into adulthood where their relationships are screwed up.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

I'm with the others. You guys have a marriage in name only. And the way you're both handling it, it's doomed to failure, likely with her cheating again. You'll really put up with 18 years of this? 

Frankly, I think you'll be doing your son a disservice as you'll be giving him a horrible example of what a marriage should be.

In any case, I'd tell her to go stuff herself with regards to the ring. Tell her you're only married because of the child, and that's it. Of course, by doing so, in her mind you'll likely be giving her license to go cheat, but whatever... At least your position will be clear.

C


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

Biscuits said:


> To clear up some questions; I didn't find out about the affair until 5 months after we were married. I am STD free, the baby is mine, and the ring is gone forever. I'm never giving her another one. The ONLY reason I'm with her is my son, and it's a haggard relationship now. She still does her facebook and has "her time"...is she cheating, I dont care. As long as she doesnt neglect or abuse the boy then ill stay.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


ok. then whats the problem?


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Children who grow up in homes where their parents are unhappy aren't always grateful to have had two parents who were "together" in case that's your thinking.

Yes, there are people who stay for their children. Some get out when their children are grown and some are in it until death. But when the marriage finally does end, whichever way, there is usually bitterness at the time that's been wasted since you can't get it back.

And tell her she can buy her own ring because she didn't appreciate the significance of the one you bought her.


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## GJfromCAN (Mar 1, 2013)

Biscuits I respect where you're coming from in trying to give your boy a stable home, but I don't think that's what you're going to give him in this situation.

My parents were definitely a "stay together for the kids" couple and it did us no favours. My brother got married at 42 and things are rough. My sister is 50 and has never had any interest in getting married. Me? You can find my happy story on this thread.

A true life example:

My buddy was married to a cheating party-girl who had a daughter. They had a son together and divorced when he was 6. A few years later the buddy met a great women (good mother material) and they've been living together for a few years now. Not a perfect match but they're happy together. He has his son 3 weekends out of 4 and all summer long. That kid (15 now) loves to come and stay with him and even the step-daughter comes over periodically of her own volition.

Kids can tell the difference between a happy and unhappy home.

I'm just thinking, any guy that would buy a woman he loves a $10K ring deserves a better situation than you've got now. And you can find it.


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## illwill (Feb 21, 2013)

Time to go. One of the great lessons my parents taught me is to not stay married for the kids. All 4 of us agree we wished they had separated. It had long term negative effects on us. I also do not believe in half measures. Commit or leave. Your child will survive. All my friends lived in single parent homes and every one of them grew up fine.


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## cj9947 (Jul 9, 2011)

Wow...just Wow...how to start a new marriage, family and life together. Your wife has no soul. Do it now or do it later but leave her. 
Eventually you will....


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## snap (Oct 3, 2011)

You'll end up as a bitter guy with a stressed out child. The only one taking any advantage out of this situation is your wife, as she seemingly doesn't give a flying f*** about it.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Legally the ring belongs to her. If she wants to press the issue, you owe her the ring or it's monitary value.


However, I understand what you did. Makes sense to me.

It does not sound like there is a recovery going on in your relationship. You would be better off divorcing her.

Does she have a job? The reason I ask is depending on what state you are in, the longer you stay married to her the more support you could end up having to pay her. That would be like adding salt to the wound.


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## snap (Oct 3, 2011)

Unless there was any form of contract that transferred the ring to her ownership, I really doubt she'd have any legal standing there.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Biscuits if the boy is still very young, 5 or less, divorce is your best option so he is accustomed to the type of life he'll be living.

If you truly are staying only for the kid and he's too young to remember any of this then get out now while he's still to young to be traumatized by it.

**** the ring.


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## staystrong (Sep 15, 2012)

Biscuits said:


> To clear up some questions; I didn't find out about the affair until 5 months after we were married. I am STD free, the baby is mine, and the ring is gone forever. I'm never giving her another one. The ONLY reason I'm with her is my son, and it's a haggard relationship now. She still does her facebook and has "her time"...is she cheating, I dont care. As long as she doesnt neglect or abuse the boy then ill stay.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Uhhhh...

mmmh...

Sounds like a great marriage, buddy. How long you think that's going to last?

You're holed up on Bitter Street while she's probably still galavanting around on Cheater's Alley.

It's not R. It's not D. It's not even Limbo. It's Purgatory!!


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## workindad (May 7, 2011)

naga75 said:


> i'd make her a ring out of construction paper.


I like this- You made me laugh out loud. Thanks!


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

snap said:


> Unless there was any form of contract that transferred the ring to her ownership, I really doubt she'd have any legal standing there.


In Pennsylvania, Who Owns the Engagement Ring? | Prince Law Offices, P.C.

Search the web on this. Once they are married, it belongs to her. 

OP can look up the law and cases in his state. I've done this for a lot of states in the past and in every case I've read, the ring belongs to the wife.

If she gives him an engagement ring, which is becoming common, then that ring belongs to him once they are married.


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## barbados (Aug 30, 2012)

Biscuits said:


> So, what would the peanut gallery do? I REFUSE TO GIVE HER A RING. We are married though, and Im sure shes at least trying to be faithful, but I dont know, or care enough about it to worry. just wanted some opinions..thanks in advance
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


First thing is good for you on returning the ring. Now keep going and D her and find a good woman to be with !

And don't stay just for your son. Don't have him grow up witnessing such a toxic relationship while growing up. Best you move on and try for 50/50 custody.


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## Count of Monte Cristo (Mar 21, 2012)

Biscuits, you pop in and out every now and then to tell pieces of your story.

Did you DNA the baby?


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## SadandAngry (Aug 24, 2012)

Biscuits said:


> To clear up some questions; I didn't find out about the affair until 5 months after we were married. I am STD free, the baby is mine, and the ring is gone forever. I'm never giving her another one. The ONLY reason I'm with her is my son, and it's a haggard relationship now. She still does her facebook and has "her time"...is she cheating, I dont care. As long as she doesnt neglect or abuse the boy then ill stay.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You aren't doing your son any favours staying in that situation. Divorce and fight for custody.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

EleGirl said:


> In Pennsylvania, Who Owns the Engagement Ring? | Prince Law Offices, P.C.
> 
> Search the web on this. Once they are married, it belongs to her
> 
> ...


The way he wrote the OP, it sounds like he returned it BEFORE they were married. That's why I pointed out it wasn't theft. If he returned it before they were married case law is different. Can you please clarify the timeline biscuits.

Oh and OP, I'd leave, but it is your decision. I like your Walmart decision if you were to stay. She should be happy you still married her and not be worried about an expensive ring.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

First, definitely no ring ever. I'd tell her that and tell her why, she threw the right to the ring away.

Next, do not be married to a woman who is trying to be faithful. Not nearly good enough.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

phillybeffandswiss said:


> The way he wrote the OP, it sounds like he returned it BEFORE they were married. That's why I pointed out it wasn't theft. If he returned it before they were married case law is different. Can you please clarify the timeline biscuits.
> 
> Oh and OP, I'd leave, but it is your decision. I like your Walmart decision if you were to stay. She should be happy you still married her and not be worried about an expensive ring.


OP did not find out about the affair until 5 months after they married. That's why I posted as I did.

But yes, the OP needs to clarify the timeline in regards to when he took the ring back.


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

Biscuits---do you really wanna spend the next 18 yrs in misery

There is a good life out there if you take advantage of it---also a child brought up in the conditions you are gonna bring up this child in---is a terrible situation for the child---a loveless, unhappy existence, with parents that are now quibbling over a wedding ring, and who knows what else.---

---if your wife was truly repentent, and remorseful, she would wear a plain band----you need to look long and hard at what your life is gonna be like for the next 18 yrs----remeber you only get ONE TRIP THRU LIFE ON THIS PLANET!!!!!


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Biscuits said:


> Short version of my story is...
> I proposed, gave her a 2.1 total weight carat ring. 1.2 carat stone surrounded by a total of .9 carats. So, she had the ring about 2 months, we argued, she left and met her AP at the hotel, all of it prestaged. OK, I asked her if he saw it, touched it, she said yes...so I returned the ring. We are married and she does not, and as far as I'm concerned, will never have a ring...not a 10,000 Vera Wang at least, maybe something from wal-mart.
> 
> Here is the problem, she brought up the ring a few months after D-Day, wanted to know where it was, I told her she could have it back when she didn't cheat on me, she said she was faithful, and my reply was basically go f*** yourself if you believe you're getting another ring to wear while laughing at me in a hotel room showing off to your AP what a schmuck I am for giving you that and you not being faithful.
> ...


Huh? Seriously. I had to read this a few times. It sounds like she cheated on you and you still married her!?

UFB.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Entropy3000 said:


> Huh? Seriously. I had to read this a few times. It sounds like she cheated on you and you still married her!?
> 
> UFB.


He did not find out about the cheating until 5 months after they married.


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## SadandAngry (Aug 24, 2012)

Entropy3000 said:


> Huh? Seriously. I had to read this a few times. It sounds like she cheated on you and you still married her!?
> 
> UFB.


Yes, but he didn't know she cheated until they were already married apparently.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

I would think if she gave him the ring back, he could do what ever he wanted to with it.

I would give her a new ring, as close to the original as possible. But it would be a cubic zirconium stone and I would not tell her it was as fake as she was.

How long ago did this happen?

Why do you allow her GNOs ?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

chapparal said:


> I would think if she gave him the ring back, he could do what ever he wanted to with it.
> 
> I would give her a new ring, as close to the original as possible. But it would be a cubic zirconium stone and I would not tell her it was as fake as she was.
> 
> ...


IF this is what the husband feels like doing after they are in recovery, the recovery is false from his perspective and he should just leave her. Forget the ring. It's not worth it.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Depends on how much you value irony.

It would make me smile every time I saw her admiring it.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

EleGirl said:


> He did not find out about the cheating until 5 months after they married.


OOooooooooh. Ok. 

The ring is the least of his problems. 

I admit I have zero value add here. There is nothing here that sounds like it could become a healthy marriage. I wish the OP and other posters luck here.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

chapparal said:


> Depends on how much you value irony.
> 
> It would make me smile every time I saw her admiring it.


The firsting that one does when given a $10,000 ring is to get insurance on the ring. That means an appraisal. She'll know it's fake soon enough.


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## The Cro-Magnon (Sep 30, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> IF this is what the husband feels like doing after they are in recovery, the recovery is false from his perspective and he should just leave her. Forget the ring. It's not worth it.


You're VERY keen to see the cheating wife get the bling back, aren't you.

Do you think his wife DESERVES a ring from him at all after she broke the vows that the ring represents?

Ring giving isn't just "a gift", it is a ritual of commitment, of binding together. The rings are symbols of this welding together of two people. Saying a marriage ring is just a gift demeans marriage IMO. A Foot spa given to you at christmas is a gift. A wedding ring exchanged as part of a MUTUAL ritual of life bonding is not.

The minute she betrayed her husband, she forsook her marriage, and the ring. If she had any integrity or decency at all, she would voluntarily give it back.

To see other females arguing for this wayward wife's RIGHT to "teh bling", no matter what, is seriously disappointing to behold.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

The Cro-Magnon said:


> You're VERY keen to see the cheating wife get the bling back, aren't you.


You seem very keen on accusing me of things I never said. Why the need to do that?


The Cro-Magnon said:


> Do you think his wife DESERVES a ring from him at all after she broke the vows that the ring represents?


I never said she deserves a ring. Why are you putting words in my posts that are not there.


The Cro-Magnon said:


> Ring giving isn't just "a gift", it is a ritual of commitment, of binding together. The rings are symbols of this welding together of two people. Saying a marriage ring is just a gift demeans marriage IMO. A Foot spa given to you at christmas is a gift. A wedding ring exchanged as part of a MUTUAL ritual of life bonding is not.


I was pointing out case law. There is case law in very state about who owns the engagement and wedding rings. I’m sorry if you are not aware of it. The law does not care about the sentimental meaning behind things like a wedding ring. A wedding ring is a “wedding gift” which is a very special kind of gift. Until the wedding if carried out case law assigns ownership of it differently depending on the circumstances. Generally it belongs to the giver (both men and women can give engagement and wedding rings) until the wedding ceremony. Once the wedding ceremony si complete it belongs to the person it was given to.

If you do not agree with case law about this I suggest you take it up with the courts and lawyers as I have no control over it. 

I do think that it’s important that the OP understand what the law is. When they go to divorce she could demand either the ring or the price of the ring from him as her solel property that he took and got a refund for. That is again how it works. 
IMHO, because of her cheating, I hope she does not get an attorney astute enough to go after the ring. She does not deserve it. But again the law does not care about my opnion.


The Cro-Magnon said:


> The minute she betrayed her husband, she forsook her marriage, and the ring. If she had any integrity or decency at all, she would voluntarily give it back.


She did not betray her husband. They were not married when she cheated. There is nothing in case law that says he gets the ring back if she cheated before they married. Again I do not make case law.


The Cro-Magnon said:


> To see other females arguing for this wayward wife's RIGHT to "teh bling", no matter what, is seriously disappointing to behold.


I only stated what case law is about wedding/engagement rings. You apparently have reading comprehension problems.


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

Have you asked her to justify that? I would be interested in hearing her argument coherently stated.

Do you know if she's cut out the cheating? If you don't care, are you still having sex with her without condoms? Do you think that is wise or safe?

How old is the child?


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## Count of Monte Cristo (Mar 21, 2012)

Case law nothwithstanding, her cheating ass would have to sue me to get the ring back.

We gave you great advice over the summer and you obviously ignored it.

You'll most likely ignore all the ones that you're getting now.

BTW, the kid is going to resent the hell out of for using him as an excuse to stay in a bad marriage. You might also grow to resent him too.


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## Numbersixxx (Oct 10, 2012)

Biscuits said:


> Short version of my story is...
> I proposed, gave her a 2.1 total weight carat ring. 1.2 carat stone surrounded by a total of .9 carats. So, she had the ring about 2 months, we argued, she left and met her AP at the hotel, all of it prestaged. OK, I asked her if he saw it, touched it, she said yes...so I returned the ring. We are married and she does not, and as far as I'm concerned, will never have a ring...not a 10,000 Vera Wang at least, maybe something from wal-mart.
> 
> Here is the problem, she brought up the ring a few months after D-Day, wanted to know where it was, I told her she could have it back when she didn't cheat on me, she said she was faithful, and my reply was basically go f*** yourself if you believe you're getting another ring to wear while laughing at me in a hotel room showing off to your AP what a schmuck I am for giving you that and you not being faithful.
> ...


If you give her what she wants, i.e. the expensive ring, you can be sure she will immediately lost all the respect you gained from her. You will just appear weak and pathetic, someone she can easily manipulate around.

So, you only have one option. Continue doing what you are doing - telling the entitled b!tch to go f*** herself when she is demanding things she didn't earn.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

Count of Monte Cristo said:


> Case law nothwithstanding, her cheating ass would have to sue me to get the ring back.
> 
> We gave you great advice over the summer and you obviously ignored it.
> 
> ...


:iagree:


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## Biscuits (Aug 2, 2012)

Thanks to everyone for their input. Some additional info into this situation regarding the ring;

About a month ago, we were out to lunch, waitress came over and offered something, I wasn't paying attention, and as she was walking away my wife says "that beach, she was hitting on you right in front of me"...my reply "oh yeah, she wasnt talking to me". she replied that I needed a ring to let other people know i was off limits, my reply to that was I did not need a ring to remind to not sleep around. I knew what she was trying to say, she was pointing at my finger, but looking at hers.

So, last week were in a diner and an elderly couple came up to us and started talking to us about our son, we had a cute conversation with them and they wished us well with our boy. After they walked off she told me she wanted "US" to get rings because she was tired of people thinking we werent married. I simply said "you had a ring, did it remind you that you were engaged when you stepped out"...conversation killed. 

Now, with all the advice I'm getting about just leaving her and fighting for custody...let me tell you how that worked out for me in my first marriage. I spent the good part of a decade in the military, got out and put my training and experience to use and did some work overseas in security as a civilian...ridicolous money. Long story short, wrote a check for a new car, wrote a check for a new house, made a quarter million in a few years. Ex-wife has the car, the house, spent most of the money, and primary custody of my kids, I was "lucky" the judge didnt set child support at my overseas salary, which would have been about 3 grand a month. 

so, I cant afford, nor would I want to get divorced because im able to control how big the spoon is that my cheating wife eats off of now. And i hate the fact that I cant see my kids whenever I want, and I know if I did get divorced from my current that she would hold my son pawn from me. So, as bad as it might seem to stay for the boy, thats what im doing for now. I have since started my own business and it keeps me away from the house so I have both some privacy with my finances, and am shielded from the step-kids, (there are some problems there too). 

I appreciate the advice from everyone, but my question was directed at giving her another ring, not leaving. I understand that it would be best for me to leave, but I can not risk not seeing my son, paying support again, starting over in my life again. Once I get into a position where I can take care of my son, I will pursue a D and custody, but at the moment, as bad as it might seem, the disfunctioal marriage is more beneficial to me than a disfunctional divorce. Thank you again all for your advice.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

I'm confused, I thought this was about the engagement ring.

Do the two of you not have basic gold wedding bands either?


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## dogman (Jul 24, 2012)

Biscuits said:


> Thanks to everyone for their input. Some additional info into this situation regarding the ring;
> 
> About a month ago, we were out to lunch, waitress came over and offered something, I wasn't paying attention, and as she was walking away my wife says "that beach, she was hitting on you right in front of me"...my reply "oh yeah, she wasnt talking to me". she replied that I needed a ring to let other people know i was off limits, my reply to that was I did not need a ring to remind to not sleep around. I knew what she was trying to say, she was pointing at my finger, but looking at hers.
> 
> ...


I get that you just want to know opinions about the ring. I would never, ever, ever give her another ring that cost more than 50 bucks. I simple wedding ring, not an engagement ring. A symbol of being married.
I would be o huge a$$hole about it and make sure she had this cheap ring on every single day. I might change this policy many years down the road if the marriage became very good as a result of the communication that came from the events. (Doubtfull)

It's hard for everyone on here to stop with that advice.it just seems unfair and without justice. 
You have a lot of time, if you wanted out you just have to start preparing financially now. You have years to establish the needed changes so you don't get it up the a$$.
Also you can consider annul lament based on misrepresentation. She went into the marriage based on a lie.

Anyway...NO RING.


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## BrockLanders (Jul 23, 2012)

I some nice diamonique rings on HSN that would be perfect for your "wife", some even gold-plated!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Does she accept that you're only in the marriage because of your son, and you're not emotionally invested in it? Do you share finances? I'd just tell her she's free to buy a ring anytime, and she's welcome to wear it on whatever finger she likes.

C


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## BURNT KEP (Oct 3, 2012)

naga75 said:


> i'd make her a ring out of construction paper.


How about toilet paper because that's where this marriage is.


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## SadandAngry (Aug 24, 2012)

Find out if there are jewelry making courses offered in your area. Go there, get in touch with someone who can make a very plain, simple, silver band. Will probably cost $30. Problem solved, but why even get her that?


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Kinda offtopic but why did you lose custody of your kids ? Don't you have visitation rights ? Why isn't it 50:50 ?Did your ex also cheat on you ?


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## Dad&Hubby (Aug 14, 2012)

Biscuits said:


> Short version of my story is...
> I proposed, gave her a 2.1 total weight carat ring. 1.2 carat stone surrounded by a total of .9 carats. So, she had the ring about 2 months, we argued, she left and met her AP at the hotel, all of it prestaged. OK, I asked her if he saw it, touched it, she said yes...so I returned the ring. We are married and she does not, and as far as I'm concerned, will never have a ring...not a 10,000 Vera Wang at least, maybe something from wal-mart.
> 
> Here is the problem, she brought up the ring a few months after D-Day, wanted to know where it was, I told her she could have it back when she didn't cheat on me, she said she was faithful, and my reply was basically go f*** yourself if you believe you're getting another ring to wear while laughing at me in a hotel room showing off to your AP what a schmuck I am for giving you that and you not being faithful.
> ...


I wouldn't have married her....Sorry. 

I'm not trying to be mean. Just honest.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

She had a beautiful ring and now the ring's gone. 

If she wants an equivalent ring, tell her she's out of luck. 

If she wants a very inexpensive band, so she can "prove" to the world she's married, then give her X dollars (or she can use her allowance, if she gets one, or her own money if she works) and tell her to buy it herself.

We all know she likely wants an equivalent ring to the one she had. The answer to that is "NO!!!" Keep saying it.


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## Blue Firefly (Mar 6, 2013)

phillybeffandswiss said:


> Depends on the judge. Legally, some courts find the engagement as a contract, you breach the contract, the "gift" must be returned. Yes, there is case law with Betrayed Fiance's suing to keep the ring or get it back. It is normally considered division of property not theft.


So what? The point is moot.

She'd have to get a lawyer and take him to court (which means they're getting a divorce at that point), or she's have to go to the police and swear out a warrant for his arrest, but the odds are police aren't going to waste their time arresting a guy for "stealing" his own wife's wedding ring, so she can complain to the police till she's blue in the face and they aren't going to do anything.

If I was in his place, the last thing I'd be worried about was her taking legal action over the ring.


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## GROUNDPOUNDER (Mar 8, 2013)

Maybe tel her you'll work on replacing that ring if she'll sign a post nup...


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

Blue Firefly said:


> So what?
> If I was in his place, the last thing I'd be worried about was her taking legal action over the ring.


Someone brought up legalities and I addressed the hypothetical actions if it went to court. Then later I said basically, it was a non-starter. I also didn't bring up theft, someone else did.


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## Biscuits (Aug 2, 2012)

My previous marriage just didnt work out, I have 50/50 custody but dont see them when i have visitation because of relocation and job commitments. The wife doesnt have a job, i guess you could say she gets an allowance, i give her a portion of my salary now for baby and other needs...its not a lot though. I never had a band, and i returned her engagement and wedding band at the same time. As far as legal juxtoposition, i dont think she'd care enough about it to take me to court, or couldnt afford a lwayer who would. 

As far as finances, shes completely isolated from my finances. I filed my taxes with her the year we met and she saw how much i grossed (after about 7 months of overseas work) and she was floored. I am broke because my ex cleaned everything out and my wife asked me where all of my money went...and i just said "thats why well never have a joint account" and she just said "ok". Shes not a golddigger by any stretch of the word, but cxertain actions with the ring tell me there was more to her actions than just cheating. For instance, the ring mimicked...exactly...(albiet it was considerably larger) the ring her ex gave her, which is who she cheated on me with. I didnt know that until after i found out she cheated as well. She picked the "style" of ring and i picked carat, cut and clarity. So, coincidence, yeah right. Another reason im refusing to buy her a ring as of yet. I know that down the road if things get better, a ring is almost a certain item that needs to be given, but as for now i just cant see myself gifting her something that looks exactly like what her ex gave her, who she took to her ex to "show off" (i believe it was a pseudo challenge for him to replace it with something equal or better), and who she cheated on me with. She can go without for a while.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Kasler (Jul 20, 2012)

Looks like Ray Charles is still alive. 

You seem not to realize the fact of your wife leaving you and taking the boy anyway whenever an OM with deep pockets comes around. 

I'd be guffawing if I didn't feel so sad for the kid. Either way hes boned on having a functional family due to the bad choices of those around him.

Also, you totally dragged your past relationship into your current one, and I still can't fathom why out didn't divorce after finding out 5 months in the marriage. 

Hell at 5 months an annulment would've been easy to get.


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## jupiter13 (Jun 8, 2012)

I took my WH ring off his finger and told him he will never see that ring again. Now I can't even wear mine so both sit in a box. I would love to sell them but won't. No that ring was put on the finger with the most meaning. The only finger that has the blood running straight to your heart and if he wouldn't /couldn't be bothered by taking it off while with the OW then he disrespected me twice. What he want it back to remind him of being with her casue it sure didn't remind him he was married. Hell no no ring.......


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## jupiter13 (Jun 8, 2012)

Oh one more thing thank you I was actually thinking of giving it back. My bad and my weakness.
Thank you for this subject....


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## illwill (Feb 21, 2013)

Dont give back the ring, give back the wife.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

To me, this is simple. She had a ring. She acted in a way that did not deserve a ring. She lost the privilege of that kind of ring. 

Next time she brings it up, I'd tell her right out loud: "You can stop bringing up that ring anymore. You had a big, stunning diamond ring to show you my love and commitment to you, and you were wearing that ring when you slept with another man, so I am not willing to consider a gaudy diamond. If you want to have rings, you can act like you want to be married to me, treat me like a husband, and buy plain bands yourself. Convince me with your actions you mean business, and I'll consider a plain band. Otherwise, I'm not willing to discuss it any further." 

Period.


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## GROUNDPOUNDER (Mar 8, 2013)

If it where me, I might buy a set of plain gold band wedding rings. Tell her these are our wedding rings. You lost your engagment ring becuse of "XYZ". In a few years we will revisit wheither we should get a new engagment ring. Now waitresses won't be hitting on you because they'll see the ring and every time your wife looks at her ring, she'll think about what she did to loose the engagment ring...


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

Let me get this straight - you dated your now-wife while she was engaged to another guy. Then this guy nailed her while you and she were engaged. Really. This could not have been a huge surprise for you.

I'm out.


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## Biscuits (Aug 2, 2012)

TDSC60 said:


> Let me get this straight - you dated your now-wife while she was engaged to another guy. Then this guy nailed her while you and she were engaged. Really. This could not have been a huge surprise for you.
> 
> I'm out.


No, we were single when we met. She had just split up with him when we met, I was seperated. We started dating 4 months later when I got back from Iraq. Needless to say, he never really exited stage left, I was under the assumption he had. I found out about the affair after we were married. I looked into an annullment and was told that unless she was; not who she said she was, a minor without proper consent, on a mind altering substance and not aware of what she was doing, under threat of harm... the marriage could not be annulled for infidelity.

Chances of me getting custody were slim to none because I could not prove or provide proof of neglect or abuse to my son. since I work and she doesnt, most judges do not want to alter the spouses "customary way of life and living" and so I would be pegged to provide financially for her...until my son turns 18 or she remarries. At least thats what my legal counsel said, I think elegirl is law"ish" so she may be able to provide more insight...probably as to how my cheating wife can get the ring back, custody, and tons of child support...which, like my ex-wife, she deserves for doing nothing.

I learned one thing, no matter what the woman has done to cause a divorce...she sheds a tear in front of the judge and the guy automatically becomes public enemy number 1.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Count of Monte Cristo (Mar 21, 2012)

Biscuit, I can't keep up with all your threads anymore -- but didn't your wife purposely pick a fight and goaded you into 'kicking her out of the house' so that she could go and bang her ex?

You're a better man than me because I wouldn't be seen in public with her.

Do the two of you have sex (with each other?)


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Biscuits said:


> No, we were single when we met. She had just split up with him when we met, I was seperated. We started dating 4 months later when I got back from Iraq. Needless to say, he never really exited stage left, I was under the assumption he had. I found out about the affair after we were married. I looked into an annullment and was told that unless she was; not who she said she was, a minor without proper consent, on a mind altering substance and not aware of what she was doing, under threat of harm... the marriage could not be annulled for infidelity.
> 
> Chances of me getting custody were slim to none because I could not prove or provide proof of neglect or abuse to my son. since I work and she doesnt, most judges do not want to alter the spouses "customary way of life and living" and so I would be pegged to provide financially for her...until my son turns 18 or she remarries. At least thats what my legal counsel said, I think elegirl is law"ish" so she may be able to provide more insight...probably as to how my cheating wife can get the ring back, custody, and tons of child support...which, like my ex-wife, she deserves for doing nothing.
> 
> I learned one thing, no matter what the woman has done to cause a divorce...she sheds a tear in front of the judge and the guy automatically becomes public enemy number 1.


What state do you live in?


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## Numbersixxx (Oct 10, 2012)

Biscuits said:


> Now, with all the advice I'm getting about just leaving her and fighting for custody...let me tell you how that worked out for me in my first marriage. I spent the good part of a decade in the military, got out and put my training and experience to use and did some work overseas in security as a civilian...ridicolous money. Long story short, wrote a check for a new car, wrote a check for a new house, made a quarter million in a few years. Ex-wife has the car, the house, spent most of the money, and primary custody of my kids, I was "lucky" the judge didnt set child support at my overseas salary, which would have been about 3 grand a month.


And you decided to get married again. Do you hate yourself that much?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Biscuits (Aug 2, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> What state do you live in?


I've checked that box already. I'm aware of what my options are.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## spudster (Jan 11, 2012)

Tell her if she wants a fancy ring to go an find a job and earn thje money to buy one for herself. That's what YOU did.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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