# When is it OK to stay in a marriage for financial reasons?



## roddie123 (Mar 17, 2011)

Hi,

If you read my posts below you will get a clear picture of my issues.

When does one need to consider financial issues when deciding when to end a marriage.

I am in a very unhappy marriage. I've tolerated it for seven years.

I'm 61 years old. I haven't worked for seven years and with this economy I need to realize that it will be difficult for me to find a job that pays me enough to support mself.

If I choose to take early social security next year, I will only receive about $1,000.00 per month......not enough to support myself.

If I stay married for three more years I will then be entitled to my husbands social security which is about $1,850.00 per month.

I have a bankruptcy on my record. This bankruptcy will be discharged in two years, then I will have a total clean credit record.

My mother is very elderly and she is most likely not going (sad) to live very many more years. I have a large inheritance coming my way.

Do I: Stay in this marriage for another three years until I can get my husbands social security, my credit will then be good, and who knows about my mother.........................OR

Do I bail out now, and let the chips fall where they may. The only money I could get my hands on is what is in our checking account and that is not much. If you read my below post you will understand my dilema.

It is a very hard decision to make and I just don't know what to do.

Thanks for listening.


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## Jamison (Feb 10, 2011)

You would be surprised at how many people actually stay in unhealthy marriages due to money issues, not for love but because they see no other way to get around the money issue. Personally I think its sad. Although I'm sure its understandable and hard to just cut your ties. 

I guess you have to weigh your options. Money VS. your own sanity and well being.


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## CallaLily (Jan 13, 2011)

Why are you unhappy? Can you share some things that is going on. I guess it depends on how bad things are.


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## roddie123 (Mar 17, 2011)

calalily, if you would read my previous posts I explain why I'm so unhappy.

Thanks


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

You're the only one that can make that decision, as you have to live with it. My first thought is there's a name for women who have sex for money, but that's pretty harsh.

I don't know how things work down in the States with regards to having things split up... But up here, there is guidelines for spousal support, but they need to be agreed upon by the parties involved, or taken to court to have a judge involved. Are you prepared to fight for that money in the future? Will you have the resources to fight for that? What's going to prevent him from divorcing you in 2 years? If he realizes that you get part of his social security and aren't happy.

If you're married when your mother passes away, will he have a right to some of that money?

Do you have any friends or family that can help you now, if you were to leave?

C


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## yellowrose1 (Mar 21, 2011)

Hi Roddie123,
I sympathize with you so much. I am going through a similar thing now. I am in a very new marriage and everything has changed drastically and I need to get out. He has become controlling and emotionally abusive like I never could have imagined. I cry every day and wonder what I should do. He was the perfect potential husband while we were dating and now I am almost afraid of him. I don't know how he managed to be so different before.
If I had enough money to get out now I would run!!
I wish you the best of luck.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

You could come to an agreement. Get divorced and stay together. Quite a few seniors do this because there's a marriage penalty for SSI. That way the money comes in and you agree to do your separate things otherwise.


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## CallaLily (Jan 13, 2011)

roddie123 said:


> calalily, if you would read my previous posts I explain why I'm so unhappy.
> 
> Thanks


Sorry didn't realize you had other posts...thats what I get for not checking first.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Can you go stay with your mother? As bad as things get in my situation that's always an option. Many times an elderly person even appreciates someone staying with them and helping out. Also, you may be entitled to some spousal support should you decide to divorce. You really need to get out of that marriage as quickly as possible. Do you want your husband getting his hands on that inheritance? In most states that's what will happen, if you are still married at the time of your mother's death.


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