# Considering Divorce



## 383069288 (6 mo ago)

I’ve been married for 30 plus years. My wife has a chronic illness. I have been the only one working for the past 30 years. Kids are all out of the house. I do all the house work. We haven’t been intimate in over 2 years. I feel very frustrated, resentful and am considering divorce. When I try to talk about how I feel, she makes me feel guilty because of her illness.
Looking for advice


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

Without knowing what her illness is, it’s hard to know what real effect that would have on her ability to be intimate. If she isn’t listening to you and is unconcerned with your needs, you can ask to open the marriage or leave.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

You’ve got one life as far as I know. How happy it is, is up to you.


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## SongoftheSouth (Apr 22, 2014)

you are in a tough spot my friend. I don't know what to advise. Are you also her primary caregiver or can she manage on her own?


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

What's that ilness? it would make every advice relevant.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Why cant she do work around the home? Is she too ill? Is she getting treatment?


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## A18S37K14H18 (Dec 14, 2021)

383069288 said:


> When I try to talk about how I feel, she makes me feel guilty because of her illness.
> Looking for advice


Please tell me the two of you have been to counseling.

So many, far too many, wait too long to go to counseling.

One shouldn't let things get so far gone without counseling. Now, if she said no to counseling, that's different.
If she said no, I hope you communicated to her that the odds of you remaining together weren't good without it.

Communication is huge, we all know it.

For her to dismiss your feelings and make you feel guilty isn't good, at all. She's more than old enough to know better considering how long the two of you have been married.


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

383069288 said:


> I’ve been married for 30 plus years. My wife has a chronic illness. I have been the only one working for the past 30 years. Kids are all out of the house. I do all the house work. We haven’t been intimate in over 2 years. I feel very frustrated, resentful and am considering divorce. When I try to talk about how I feel, she makes me feel guilty because of her illness.
> Looking for advice


And she might well be right. The "you have one life" argument is for the selfish and immorally entitled. This is part of that one life. Everyone doesn't get the same options. But as others have said, we would need to know more. What happened to vows of "in sickness and in health"? Was she a good wife before her illness?


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