# I’m slowly drowning



## knoteboom (Nov 21, 2018)

Hi everyone. I have been hanging on to a relationship for the longest time. We have been together for 15 years and he decided he was going to take a new job 8 hours away. He leaves next Wednesday for that. We have two young sons and I wasn’t sure that I wanted to move. So last week he says he wants to separate. However he was still staying in our house but began leaving every night to go hang out with people who he’s never hung out with before. One happened to be a single female. He even went out to dinner with her just the two of them and he ended up “sleeping on her couch” that night. I logged in to our phone account and seen page after page of them texting back and forth all day long. After I confronted him about the texts he said he wanted a divorce because I was being mean. So now I’m falling apart knowing he’s out with this girl every night while I’m at home taking care of the two kids he’s basically abandoning. We haven’t had the best marriage. He’s emotionally abusive and tells me whenever he’s mad that he hopes I get in my car and die among other things. I haven’t been happy in a long time so I keep trying to tell myself that divorce will be a good thing but I’m overwhelmed with everything and extremely depressed. It shocks me how fast he found someone else and rubs it in my face although he claims they’re just friends. I’m scared to be alone and never finding the person who will love me for me because I have along history of picking terrible guys.


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## changingmale (Aug 19, 2018)

*Re: I’m slowly drowning*

You need to leave him. If a person says they hope you die is the WRONG person to be in any kind of relationship. I understand about being alone and i am that right now. The thing that saved and help me is my belief in God. Good luck and dont do anything thats crazy


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## sunsetmist (Jul 12, 2018)

*Re: I’m slowly drowning*



knoteboom said:


> Hi everyone. I have been hanging on to a relationship for the longest time. We have been together for 15 years and he decided he was going to take a new job 8 hours away. He leaves next Wednesday for that. We have two young sons and I wasn’t sure that I wanted to move. So last week he says he wants to separate. However he was still staying in our house but began leaving every night to go hang out with people who he’s never hung out with before. One happened to be a single female. He even went out to dinner with her just the two of them and he ended up “sleeping on her couch” that night. I logged in to our phone account and seen page after page of them texting back and forth all day long. After I confronted him about the texts he said he wanted a divorce because I was being mean. *So now I’m falling apart* knowing he’s out with this girl every night *while I’m at home taking care of the two kids he’s basically abandoning. We haven’t had the best marriage. He’s emotionally abusive and tells me whenever he’s mad that he hopes I get in my car and die among other things. I haven’t been happy in a long time* so I keep trying to tell myself that divorce will be a good thing but I’m overwhelmed with everything and *extremely depressed.* It shocks me how fast he found someone else and rubs it in my face although he claims they’re just friends. I’m scared to be alone and never finding the person who will love me for me because I have along history of picking terrible guys.


You are/have been in an abusive relationship. Love is lost. He has told his new girlfriend he is getting a divorce. Is he taking her with him to his new job? Holding on because you are afraid of being alone is a miserable situation. However, your current situation sounds miserable too. See your doctor for depression treatment and your ability to make better decisions will increase. Sorry for your pain.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

*Re: I’m slowly drowning*



knoteboom said:


> Hi everyone. I have been hanging on to a relationship for the longest time. We have been together for 15 years and he decided he was going to take a new job 8 hours away. He leaves next Wednesday for that. We have two young sons and I wasn’t sure that I wanted to move. So last week he says he wants to separate. However he was still staying in our house but began leaving every night to go hang out with people who he’s never hung out with before. One happened to be a single female. He even went out to dinner with her just the two of them and he ended up “sleeping on her couch” that night. I logged in to our phone account and seen page after page of them texting back and forth all day long. After I confronted him about the texts he said he wanted a divorce because I was being mean. So now I’m falling apart knowing he’s out with this girl every night while I’m at home taking care of the two kids he’s basically abandoning. We haven’t had the best marriage. He’s emotionally abusive and tells me whenever he’s mad that he hopes I get in my car and die among other things. I haven’t been happy in a long time so I keep trying to tell myself that divorce will be a good thing but I’m overwhelmed with everything and extremely depressed. It shocks me how fast he found someone else and rubs it in my face although he claims they’re just friends. I’m scared to be alone and never finding the person who will love me for me because I have along history of picking terrible guys.


I am really sorry this is happening to you, your WH sounds like a right piece of work or POS!
How have things been generally, seems like you have wanted out for some time?
Use this as an opportunity to get your ducks in a row. 
1. see a lawyer and see what your rights are, how much he must support you and kids, etc
2. Tell all family and friends what is happening, no need to hide or cover for him
3. YOu don't want him back so pack his stuff and leave them outside the door, tell him to move in with her if he wants (but please follow lawyer's advice)
4. Do you work? Sort out your financials
5. Go and talk to a counselor to have emotional support for the next few months
6. With him, act like you are moving on, do the 180 on him, no contact, no crying begging, pleading, looked pleased that he is leaving, stay strong
7. Get the divorce papers sorted asap
8. Get fit, keep healthy, eat the right foods, do exercise, 
9. Last but not least, take care of your babies, they will need you now. He sounds flaky so you will be their anchor, remember you can do this, you don't need him


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

*Re: I’m slowly drowning*

This is your window of opportunity to get a good life of your own and get away from him. Do not let this window close on you. 

Help him get packed up and out of your life as soon as possible. 

You are mourning the dream you had of a perfect life with a decent, loving husband. That is what is causing your grief and fear of the future without him. 

The reality however is that he is creep and a bad person that is making your life worse. He is toxic and is causing harm to you and your life and your children. 

The reality is you will be better and happier and healthier with him gone so do everything you can to get him out of your life as soon as you can before this OW figures out what a crud he is and dumps him and he tries to come crawling back to you.


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## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

Your husband sounds like a real POS. You know a divorce will lead to a better life for you. He has ruined your self esteem and you won't be able to start building it back up until he is away from you. 

Any man who would make a decision that leads to him leaving his kids is worthless and not a man. They will resent him and he will probably act like it's your fault they do so be prepared for that in the future. Work on yourself and repairing the damage he has done to you. There is light at the end of this tunnel.


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