# Advice Needed from Unbiased Audience :)



## rtj (Aug 12, 2011)

Hi All - 
I met and married the man of my drreams five years ago. Over the course of our marriage, we have had numerous struggles - yes, I know they are just part of life and part of marriage but they've been fairly large. 
Most of our issues have been finanical. Just a rundown:
1. Six months after our marriage, the light comes on about how much money he has lost with his business and we ultimately have to close the doors, with roughly half a million in uncollaterized debt. We've sold most of our assets and paid that almost off.
2. Prior to that realisation, we bought a home that we've someone managed to hang on to but every month is a struggle to pay the note. Upon purchasing, my husband made great money but after closing the doors it was just paying down on the business debt.
3. Unexpected pregnancy. Even less money incoming at this point while still trying to pay off his old business debts.
4. Hubby starts another business and things start to semi-normalize. Then his family pulls the plug on that business so he is without income, again. 
That is just a generalization of our financial issues. Through the past years, I have had at least one job. I now hold down one full time and two part time jobs. We've started two more "business ventures" for my husband this year, both of which he has not followed up on nor made profitable. 
I pay the majority of our bills - I don't mind doing this... What I mind is that my husband just doesn't do anything!
I understand that I have become overwhelming in my quest to motivate him - either to have a profitable business or to just take out the trash - but, quite frankly, I am tired of living this way. 
I live in constant stress over finances, work all of the time, and have become a seriously unhappy person! Meanwhile, my hubby stays at home, dabbling with misc ideas of making money - which end up costing way more than profit. 
Someone please tell me how to reach him. I've tried crying, screaming, praying, nagging, encouraging, etc. Nothing helps. Only the threat of an end to our relationship seems to get through, and the "good behavior" lasts only a week or two before we're right back where we started.
There is absolutely no trust in him anymore. Needless to say, I'm no longer in love with him, I can barely even stand to talk to him. 
I don't believe in divorce, I want to save my marriage. I believe I married him for a reason and this is just part of life - But I just don't know what to do anymore.


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## Riverside MFT (Oct 5, 2009)

"for richer or poorer..."

I think your husband might be depressed from not being able to provide solely for the family. He hides this depression by looking for other ways in which to make money. Have you tried praising him? Praise him for wanting to provide for the family and being willing to create multiple ideas for making money. Praise him in his efforts to find a job. It may not work, but it sounds like something different to try in this situation.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Time to try another approach since the last ones haen't worked.

A boundary without consequences isn't a boundary. You need to tell him straight up how you feel and how its having an adverse effect on you. Hopefully he will step up to the plate. If not, then you need to think about how to either tolerate this situation if you have no intention of leaving him or remove yourself from his life.


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