# Do you regret having your children?



## FalCod (Dec 6, 2017)

I was talking to someone recently that is unhappy with her marriage. She said that she regretted that she had ever met him. I pointed out that if she hadn't met him, she wouldn't have the wonderful children that she has. She still wished that she hadn't ever met him, and said that if she could go back in time, she would avoid him even though it would mean not having her children.

I'm curious, given the number of people unhappily married or divorced here, would you make the same choice? If you could go back in time and not marry the person but also knowing that your children wouldn't exist, is that a trade you would make?


----------



## Cromer (Nov 25, 2016)

Nope.


----------



## Townes (Jan 31, 2018)

I've only ever met one person in my life that admitted she regrets having her children. Her career was all that really mattered to her. No idea how many people feel that way but know they would be shamed to no end if they admitted it.


----------



## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

I don't regret my son - he is a wonderful part of my life. I do regret my ex, but that's a separate issue.


----------



## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

We do not have children and have never regretted that choice either. 

Children change your life completely. Whether that makes things better or worse depends on you. I don't think other people's experiences are a good guide. It is the most important decision of your life - so it is worth thinking about very carefully.


----------



## Lukedog (Nov 18, 2015)

I wouldn't give up my (only) son for the world. Even though he has some of his father's most unbecoming bad traits (he also has some of my most unbecoming bad traits)....he is my only son and I wouldn't want it any other way. 

With that being said......let's say I had never met my husband and married him and never had my son....but let's say I had married someone else and had children with that person.....I wouldn't have the son that I have now but other kid(s) to love and nurture. I would not know him and he would never have existed as he does now. So...technically...I wouldn't miss him or couldn't love him because he never existed. I feel....you can't miss what you never had.


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

I always wanted children and I have never regretted having them for a second.


----------



## SentHereForAReason (Oct 25, 2017)

Only thing I can think of is a heat of the moment thought and reaction? Otherwise ... Wow. I am going through a pretty insidious divorce with a remorseless cheater and I would do everything all over again 100 times and more to have my kids.


----------



## thefam (Sep 9, 2014)

As of this moment yes. Anyone who wants them can have all three. I am willing to drop them off to you within a radius of a three days journey. You don't have to buy them a thing and I will even throw in their college funds. The only thing I will require is that you sign a waiver stating you will not hold me responsible for any destruction to your household property and goods.


----------



## Magnesium (Jun 19, 2017)

Ack....I *accidentally* clicked yes. My apologies!

Of course I do not regret having my daughter, and my 5 grands from her. Having a child taught me about real, true, unconditional love.


----------



## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

FalCod said:


> If you could go back in time and not marry the person but also knowing that your children wouldn't exist, is that a trade you would make?


I wouldn't erase my kids from existence, but if I could go back and tinker with the course of events I would change who biologically fathered them, though.



thefam said:


> As of this moment yes. Anyone who wants them can have all three. I am willing to drop them off to you within a radius of a three days journey. You don't have to buy them a thing and I will even throw in their college funds. The only thing I will require is that you sign a waiver stating you will not hold me responsible for any destruction to your household property and goods.




My kids are mostly grown and gone. The two oldest are on their own and the "baby" is a Jr in High School soon to leave the nest. I have to do all the yard work now. My grandbaby won't be born til May and it'll be years before I can get any slave labor out of her.

How old are they and do they know how to do grunt work? >


----------



## thefam (Sep 9, 2014)

Ah man! They're only 1, 2 and 4. Today they're learning how to clean up flour sugar and cooking oil if that counts.


----------



## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

If you regret having your' children, you regret having YOU.

Your' children are you, extensions of you.

If your regret them, hate them, you regret you, hate yourself.

This Post is meaningless, yet it is not. It is thought provoking.

It is deadly serious. 
Virtually, potentially, revealingly causing death by proxy, by extension.

A Death wish, while not executed, tis' a wish that kills off one's progeny for fault none their own.

You cannot unwish the life of a living child. 
Never, not, not calling this.... selfish murder. 
For it is, would be murder.

To create Life is God like.
To un-create life is Evil....

To do so, just because you can, just because you wish.

What is done, is done. There is no going back.
If the day comes where we can go back, we murder our last reality, our last future.

For what? For a better woman, a better man? Bah! HumBuggers!

SunCMars.


----------



## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

thefam said:


> Ah man! They're only 1, 2 and 4. Today they're learning how to clean up flour sugar and cooking oil if that counts.


Sorry, too young. Check back when the oldest can see over the lawn mower push bar.

I remember when my daughters learned to clean up sugar. It was the same day they learned how to wash walls. I was working part time and left the kids with DH. They were being quiet and DH didn't know quiet is BAD. I came home to butter hand prints down the entire length of the hallway wall. They mixed the butter with sugar to make it sparkle.

Then there is the time my son learned to mop. Some jackass on TV showed the kiddies that a soapy floor is slippery fun. So, the boy child used a ton of dish soap and a bit of water to turn my kitchen floor into a skating rink. It took hours to get all the soap up. Hours.

When they were about 12 or so they learned how to replace window panes. Turns out wrestling with siblings on the sofa next to the big window is not a great idea.

You should check out **** my kids ruined, a blog you can find through Google. It's hilarious. Some parents have had it bad.


----------



## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

I have met people who regretted having children, but none who would want to "trade them in".


----------



## StarFires (Feb 27, 2018)

If your question of regret is based on your friend's answer, then you asked the wrong question because it's based on the wrong premise. You didn't tell us she said she regrets having her children. You told us she wishes she never met their father even though it would mean she didn't have her kids. Those are two entirely different responses, but your question is based on regret, which didn't express according to what you told us here.

A woman can regret her decision to be with the man who fathered her kids, but that doesn't have to mean she regrets having the kids. It only means she recognizes she would have never had kids by him had she never met him. She accepts her life would have been entirely different.

The way you posed the question as it does not pertain to her response is like you are making her out to be some kind of monster who wishes her kids didn't exist, but you didn't tell us that is what she said. You told us she wishes she had never met their father, and that is different.


----------



## Not (Jun 12, 2017)

If I had to do it all over again I would marry my X again to have my children but I would have stayed in the workforce and left him much sooner. I know exactly what days I got pregnant with each child so we would have sex just three times lol!


----------



## Phil Anders (Jun 24, 2015)

I mainly regret _other_ people's having children.


----------



## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*The boys mother cheated on me with a corporate VP to snag a lucrative promotion in her corporate hierarchy!

The boys came along well before that ever occurred but I still love them now and always will do so infinitely! Although they both, having college degrees, are exercising independence from their old man, often treating him like a dumb old codger who fell off of a turnip truck and doesn't have the first lick of common sense!

Having said that, I will continue to love them both beyond measure, and always will!*


----------



## Hopeful Cynic (Apr 27, 2014)

StarFires said:


> If your question of regret is based on your friend's answer, then you asked the wrong question because it's based on the wrong premise. You didn't tell us she said she regrets having her children. You told us she wishes she never met their father even though it would mean she didn't have her kids. Those are two entirely different responses, but your question is based on regret, which didn't express according to what you told us here.
> 
> A woman can regret her decision to be with the man who fathered her kids, but that doesn't have to mean she regrets having the kids. It only means she recognizes she would have never had kids by him had she never met him. She accepts her life would have been entirely different.
> 
> The way you posed the question as it does not pertain to her response is like you are making her out to be some kind of monster who wishes her kids didn't exist, but you didn't tell us that is what she said. You told us she wishes she had never met their father, and that is different.


Yes, that's how I feel about it too.

Presumably if I hadn't ever met my ex and had our wonderful children, I would have had a different life, met a different partner, and had different wonderful children I would have loved just as much.

And odds are, I would have had a better partner, and we would still be raising the children together in a loving and joyful marriage. I would probably have been a better parent too, for not having gone through the horrible trauma my ex put me through.


----------



## StarFires (Feb 27, 2018)

Phil Anders said:


> I mainly regret _other_ people's having children.


I wish I could like that 10 times. LOL


----------



## FrazzledSadHusband (Jul 3, 2014)

thefam said:


> Ah man! They're only 1, 2 and 4. Today they're learning how to clean up flour sugar and cooking oil if that counts.


I miss my three kids. I blinked and they grew up. Although as soon as the youngest got driver's license, I told my wife she had to see a counselor or I would file for D.

Nothing like seeing their face when they pull their first walleye out of water or the first deer walks under their tree stand. Kids are lots of work, but I had a lot of fun with them too!


----------



## MrsHolland (Jun 18, 2016)

My kids are the best of humanity, I am so proud of who they are.

Having them on this Earth by far counteracts any issues I had in the marriage with their father (we co parent better than most still married people I know).

They cost a fortune in both $$$ and energy, they argue with me and for me, they make me laugh pretty much every day, There should be more people on this planet like them. Regrets = zero.


----------



## Just another (Feb 21, 2018)

Phil Anders said:


> I mainly regret _other_ people's having children.


Spot on!


----------



## thirdmarriagewife (Mar 2, 2018)

Going on the title alone which to me is a different thought than the poll question.... I wish I had a better idea of what it would mean to have children. I would have chosen differently for sure. They are wonderful children though, and my life was changed by having them. If I hadn't had children I may not have discovered the natural life I lead now... (raising babies the natural way was easier than the other way and more closeness, but it got hard for me when they turn 3 or 4) but if I knew the way the responsibility would feel, how heavy.... how much they need someone to fix food- I was a person that hired people to cook and clean for me but lost all that, I barely weigh 100 lbs and don't really care to eat unless I have to, so making food 5 times a day is taxing. But I chose the responsibility, so I do it 'right'. I think maybe people that are self centered like me should be told how hard it will be. Now they are old enough to make sandwiches and mac n chs, it has gotten better for me yes. and I guess it has taught me to be selfless. But my former rock and roll life was more to my 'liking' tbh

Your poll question makes it sound like so dark. If your kids were gone it would make it easier to leave? I can't see the question now in this reply area, prob edit in a min


----------



## sa58 (Feb 26, 2018)

NOPE- Love our kids and grand kids.
Grand kids are kind of like revenge sometimes.
You can spoil them rotten and then send them home to
their parents.


----------



## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

Kind of a pointless question because you can never go back and change what has been done. As for my kids, I used to tell my daughter we got her from the Gypsies. Once we found out what kind of a brat she was, we tried to give her back. But even they wouldn't take her, so she was stuck with us.


----------



## Kate-Delv (Mar 30, 2018)

Oh gosh no!

I cant even imagine someone thinking that. 

The best thing thats ever happened to me was becoming a mother. Nothing else compares


----------



## bkyln309 (Feb 1, 2015)

There are times I do. I became a mom at 40. And now as a single mom, its very hard. I am stuck in this city with no one (moved here to be close to ex's family when we didnt have kids). Im older doing it by myself with no support system. Ex doesnt contribute financially so there is constant stress to stay in my job (would love to switch fields but cannot afford to earn less). I have an autoimmune condition where I am exhausted all the time. Sometimes I feel I am shortchanging them as a mom because I dont have the endless energy of other moms. 

Doesnt mean I dont love my kids but my life without them would have been much easier.


----------



## giddiot (Jun 28, 2015)

My children are the most wonderful gift I have in this world. They have grown up into incredible young men with many talents and success in their lives. They have accomplished more things than I thought possible.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## Ms. Hawaii (Mar 28, 2018)

Absolutely!!!


----------



## ElCanario (Nov 11, 2013)

FalCod said:


> I was talking to someone recently that is unhappy with her marriage. She said that she regretted that she had ever met him. I pointed out that if she hadn't met him, she wouldn't have the wonderful children that she has. She still wished that she hadn't ever met him, and said that if she could go back in time, she would avoid him even though it would mean not having her children.
> 
> I'm curious, given the number of people unhappily married or divorced here, would you make the same choice? If you could go back in time and not marry the person but also knowing that your children wouldn't exist, is that a trade you would make?


I hate everything about my life since meeting my now s2bx wife. I am truly sorry I met her. I have gone through 30 years of absolute hell being married to her. But if it meant I wouldn't have my two formerly little, now huge monsters, I would do it again in a heartbeat. Just sorry I had to give up any pleasure or enjoyment in life to be able to raise my children.


----------

