# Where's the honesty



## 350763 (Aug 5, 2021)

Seeking Guidance; When you have a couple that will not share their income, the downstream effect compromises budget creation and follow-up. How is this achieved? Where do you go for help? Much advice is centered around communication and honesty, but there has to be more. Please advise


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

not much to go on , can you give some background


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## 350763 (Aug 5, 2021)

I am attempting to run a fiscally responsible household; How is this achieved without sharing income information. How do my wife and I create a budget? How do you save for the future? How do you save to make large purchases (home/car)? How do you save or plan for your children's education. I mentioned in my original post that much advice given to me in the past centers around communication and honesty. Couples are living this way; What are the actions to achieve these budget goals, saving for retirement, and so on. Is the action internal or external?


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

unless both people are on the same page it is hard , 
if not best to take responsibility for  things like rent and insurance 
and let the other responsibility for the phone internet school food , 
a lot depends on the income of each


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

v2dman said:


> I am attempting to run a fiscally responsible household; How is this achieved without sharing income information. How do my wife and I create a budget? How do you save for the future? How do you save to make large purchases (home/car)? How do you save or plan for your children's education. I mentioned in my original post that much advice given to me in the past centers around communication and honesty. Couples are living this way; What are the actions to achieve these budget goals, saving for retirement, and so on. Is the action internal or external?


Are you divorced or not. Your other post is newly single parent. Now it is couples budget.
It is best to keep to one thread so people know what is going on and can respond accordingly.

So many couples have separate finances. Usually a common household budget is agreed on. Not based on one person or another's INCOME but based on what is reasonable to spend. So like you rent for $600 each would contribute $300 often times to a joint account that is used only for bill paying.

Others split it based on percent of income but it seems your wife doesn't really want to share that information with you.
How long have you been married? Did you two not discuss finances before marrying?


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## 350763 (Aug 5, 2021)

Anastasia6 said:


> Are you divorced or not. Your other post is newly single parent. Now it is couples budget.
> It is best to keep to one thread so people know what is going on and can respond accordingly.
> 
> So many couples have separate finances. Usually a common household budget is agreed on. Not based on one person or another's INCOME but based on what is reasonable to spend. So like you rent for $600 each would contribute $300 often times to a joint account that is used only for bill paying.
> ...


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## 350763 (Aug 5, 2021)

Isn't a newly single parent divorced? Not sure of semantics. My ex-wife and I still need to have a budget since she has to participate in the household...is this uncommon? Very hostile group.


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

v2dman said:


> Isn't a newly single parent divorced? Not sure of semantics. My ex-wife and I still need to have a budget since she has to participate in the household...is this uncommon? Very hostile group.





v2dman said:


> I am attempting to run a fiscally responsible household; How is this achieved without sharing income information. *How do my wife* and I create a budget? *How do you save for the future?* *How do you save to make large purchases (home/car)*? How do you save or plan for your children's education. I mentioned in my original post that much advice given to me in the past centers around communication and honesty. *Couples are living this way*; What are the actions to achieve these budget goals, saving for retirement, and so on. Is the action internal or external?


I highlighted just a few phrases you used that normally aren't used for divorced people.

What's unusual is a poster who comes and insults everyone trying to ascertain their current situation to try to help them.

Again I'll state Income sharing and responsibilities are normally set in the divorce. 

IT is HIGHLY uncommon for ex-spouses to share their income information.
No divorced couple I know has EVER made large purchases together.

It is probably uncommon for most ex-spouses to sit down and have a common budget.

So if you are divorced what does your divorce decree say about child support, college tuition and such. How old is your child.

Also if that is a picture of you and your daughter you should change it so that you aren't personally identifiable on this anonymous forum.


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## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

If you guys are divorced then doesn't the decree / settlement allow for support payments to compensate for income disparities? Seems like you just need to split things 50/50.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

350763 said:


> Isn't a newly single parent divorced? Not sure of semantics. My ex-wife and I still need to have a budget since she has to participate in the household...is this uncommon? Very hostile group.


Without having all the pertinent information necessary here to give an educated advice it's very difficult to ascertain what is what??? really, your response is that of a confrontational individual that gets upset because people are asking for more input in order to give advice.

Moreover, your post is so far off the wall that it makes me wonder: now that we know that that we are talking about an ex-wife, where's does it come from the idea that she must give you accounts about her finances? on what grounds? if you're divorced then there must be a decree that spells out all for both of you as far as responsibilities in all matters for childrens, if any, like child support. and all other matters, such as custody, alimony if any. If you're legally divorce, then all of this should already be spell out. Without you spelling it out for us the picture of what's actually the situation is then, sorry but nobody can help you.

Or are you calling her -ex-wife- but you're merely not longer living together without an actual legal divorce? then the advice would be to get a mediator involved, or lawyer up and go through the actual divorce in order for all parties to be force to present their finances to the lawyer for the agreements to start being redacted in a fair and equitative manner according to verified incomes.


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