# Ever had second thoughts on being married? why?



## ConfusedNwlywed (Jan 31, 2020)

My husband and I started dating when he was 23. Married when he was 26 (now 27). During an argument, he mentioned that I don’t think about the things he has given up for me. He said “I’m giving up my prime man years.” But then he said, “...but at the end of the day, i want you, I’m happiest when I’m home with you, I find comfort with you...”

Backing up to when we were dating: we broke up one time. He didn’t feel like he could give me 100%. I understood this and I told him that I loved him and I thought it was a mistake, but didn’t fight it. During this break up he talked to other women, went out, etc. Three weeks later he blows up my phone, sad, begging for me back, saying he tried to forget about me but he can’t see his life without me, and that he made a mistake. We gave it another shot... months later he proposed, we married. 

But I can’t help but think, after he said “I’m giving up my prime man years” if he internally second guesses being with me. I don’t want to push and ask him about it cus what if it’s really nothing and I’m just overthinking. I just want to see if anyone could give me their opinion. Is it common to think about what you’re missing out on? Could this cause problems in the future? Is it his age? Is there something I need to do? I feel like we have a good relationship. I think my concern stems from the one time we broke up. I don’t know....


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Oh, I've had 3rd thoughts for sure ~ and at this juncture in life, I don't think that I really want to!

When you lose your faith and trust, I'd say that you've just about lost everything!*


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

ConfusedNwlywed said:


> But I can’t help but think, after he said “I’m giving up my prime man years” if he internally second guesses being with me or in any relationship for that matter. Maybe I’m over analyzing.


I think it's normal to wonder "what if", to question decisions, to think about how life could have been different.

In order to marry, traditionally, you have to give up dating other people and the rest of the partying single lifestyle. In return, you get a life partner to provide love, support, companionship, sex, intimacy, and so on to build a future with. Most people recognize that in order to have one thing they have to give up something else and make those sacrifices willingly. Even if they do sometimes wonder.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

He's "giving up" his prime man years by being with you? You are a much more laid back person than I am, because if my partner said that to me it would be a big deal. The "giving up" part. He doesn't look at it like he's excited about YOU and getting to spend his ---- prime man years as he phrases it---with you, he sees it as giving something up.


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

ConfusedNwlywed said:


> My husband and I started dating when he was 23. Married when he was 26. He is now 27 (I am 30). I have a daughter from a previous relationship. We recently moved across the country away from everything I know. In our new home I felt like I did EVERYTHING, while husband works and plays video games. I work too (from home tho - if that matters) and do everything around the house, trash, dishes, cooking, errands, school stuff, literally everything. I don’t mind it, but I wasn’t feeling appreciated for the things I did. Which led to an argument with my husband — that was resolved, we got to see each other’s point of view, and put things into perspective. I feel like we have an understanding now — However, that’s not the reason for my post — during that conversation, he mentioned that I don’t think about the things he has given up for me. He said things like he pays the all the bills, he gives up his video game time to make sure he spends time with me each night before bed, THEN I could tell he had something to say but didn’t want to, so I pried it out of him. He didn’t want to say because it “sounds bad and could be taken wrong.” He said “I’m giving up my prime man years.” But then he said, “...but at the end of the day, i want you, I’m happiest when I’m home with you, I find comfort with you...”
> 
> Now, back up to the years we were dating, we broke up ONE time. His reason was, he didn’t feel like he could give me and my daughter 100%. I think he was scared to fully commit to me. He knew he would have to move across country. And I think he was unsure if our relationship would be able to handle his new job and the move. I understood this and I told him that I loved him and I thought it was a mistake to break up, but I didn’t fight him on it. I let him go. During this break up he did talk to other women, went out, etc. Three weeks later he blows up my phone, sad, and begging for me back, saying he tried to forget about me but he can’t see his life without me, and that he made a mistake. We gave it another shot... months later he proposed, we married, we moved.
> 
> But I can’t help but think, after he said “I’m giving up my prime man years” if he internally second guesses being with me or in any relationship for that matter. Maybe I’m over analyzing. I don’t want to push and ask him about it cus what if it’s really nothing and I’m just overthinking. I just want to see if anyone could give me their opinion. Is it common to think about what you’re missing out on? Could this cause problems in the future? Is it his age? Is there something I need to do? I feel like we have a good relationship. I think my concern stems from the one time we broke up. Maybe when times are “bad” it’s normal to think about what life would be if you were single? I don’t know....


Your over thinking this, and this isn't the last time he'll stick his foot in his mouth. He has made the commitment with you and your child, that says alot where his heart is. Let this slide off of you because if this is the way you will analyze every little this that is said in a marriage you just as well get out now, he's learning the ropes of marriage. Give him that.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

No never regretted being married and for me there is nothing to give up. Married life is so much better than being single. I cant think of a single thing that I prefer about being single. 

I am sorry that he is being so unfeeling and not making you feel at all special.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

arbitrator said:


> *Oh, I've had 3rd thoughts for sure ~ and at this juncture in life, I don't think that I really want to!
> 
> When you lose your faith and trust, I'd say that you've just about lost everything!*


That's so sad Arb  You're just the kind of man who should be married.



MJJEAN said:


> In order to marry, traditionally, you have to give up dating other people and the rest of the partying single lifestyle. In return, you get a life partner to provide love, support, companionship, sex, intimacy, and so on to build a future with. Most people recognize that in order to have one thing they have to give up something else and make those sacrifices willingly. Even if they do sometimes wonder.


I know some people feel that way, but I don't understand it. Being married is wonderful, I love knowing that people who love me are waiting at home for me, I love having my someone special to share things with, I wouldn't swap it for anything.


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

If anything, you are giving up your prime years. His have yet to come.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

frusdil said:


> *That's so sad Arb  You're just the kind of man who should be married.*


*I absolutely love your faith and confidence in me, Sweetheart!

If I were to suddenly change my mind, it would definitely be from the ardent, heartfelt optimism from loving and caring people such as yourself! *


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