# He's making this easier every day....



## cantletgo (Mar 22, 2010)

So I had to go through the humiliation of an HIV and STD test today. Thank you so much my dear husband, 35 years old, 1 man for the last 10 years, and I have to go through that. That and a few other things he's said lately are certainly making it easier for me to get over him. I can already tell that I love him less today than I did a month ago. 

His friends all say he's changed, and not in a good way, and if he's not careful he's going to end up losing most of them. I don't know who this man is behind my husband's face, but I don't like him and I wish he would just get out of my house. Yet I still can't find it in me to throw him out with nowhere to go. Maybe that will change.


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## Misswhonew32 (Apr 27, 2010)

That is I how I feel about my husband, I had to get tested as well,embarrassment he brought to his family really disgusted me, I use to cry almost every day but as time went by, he was treating me so bad that, I don't want him anymore,I find myslef trying not to hate him, I've through about seeing another man, but I can move on untill the divorce is final.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## cantletgo (Mar 22, 2010)

I was "given permission" to see other people. Can you believe that? Guess if I did it he'd feel less guilty or something. I don't know. I don't think I can do that, but I have met a guy who likes me, kind of makes me feel that butterfly in the stomach heart pounding out of your chest excitement. But I also felt horrible and wrong and bad and I didn't even do anything. Makes me wonder what kind of person can just jump in to bed with someone they've known for all of 4 hours, like mine did. UGH! Anyway, I wish that my husband would come back and make this other guy go away, but I don't think that's going to happen.


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## lastinline (Jul 21, 2009)

So you have bugs in your tummy? That's not a good thing. I think I gave my dog pills for that last summer. I won't repost the same advice to you, but slow down there Tiger and heal. 

In CA they give you six months to finalize your divorce. I don't approve of much our state does, but at least it's enough time for your wounds to sort of "scab over". I would figure out why your relationships keep "blowing up" CLG, before "I'd go and get me another one". 

How many more goldfish do you need to kill until you pick up a book and read about them. From your posts it sounds like you may be "over-feeding" your relationships. That you invest a great deal of energy into them which in some odd way I'll never quite understand; seemingly relieves your partner of the burden of contributing. It's only a guess.

Take this time and work on yourself and your family. Maybe at least then something good might come from something bad.

LIL


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## cantletgo (Mar 22, 2010)

I agree LIL, and I won't do anything rash or that I'll regret. I'm just enjoying the attention of a younger man. Funny comment about the bugs. And there is a part of me that wants to make my jerk husband jealous after his claims that he wouldn't be bothered by me seeing other men. Oh, and that he needs to go out and find out for himself that there isn't something better out there. Yeah, he actually said that. So I'm not diving in to another relationship or even a physcial one, just enjoying the possibilities. When something like this happens to you, you begin to wonder what's wrong with you. I like your analogy abou the fish, and I will definately be more careful with my next relationship as far as giving too much. That part of me sort of died over the last 2 months.


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## lastinline (Jul 21, 2009)

I can understand both of your perspectives cantletgo. At the end of our marriage my wife would actually instigate arguments with me by talking about what my next wife would be like. I thought she was "nuts" at the time, but I didn't realize just how insecure I had made her feel in our relationship.

At that point, I was routinely waking up at 4:00am to train. I would then go to work. I would finish at the clinic at around 7:00 or so, and then I'd go to practice. All in all I was only coming home maybe 2 days a week before 9:30. I figured if I wanted to fight, it was better to go to the mat where at least I could hit my opponent.

I stopped looking forward to going home. The moment I got there, she'd either start in with something or leave. I'm still not sure which one bothered me more. I can think of a particular night where I informed her that with any luck her next husband might even be an assistant shift manager at Denny's. We both realized I was holding most of the power in our relationship, and if we were going to reconcile it was going to be on my terms. arrogance, independece, and strength...what an unholy tri facta.

I have thought about our conversations a lot. in court she alleged that our relationship had been abusive the whole time. As she obviously has a different operational definition of abuse then I do, I confronted her on this statement. She replied that "I was gone a lot". 

I'm pretty sure this falls well below the legal standard for abuse, but in retrospect it still was neglect. Yes I was working in a clinic and not at a bar, but if she was a priority in my life I could have arranged my schedule differently. 

She knew this. I knew this. I had a choice, and I didn't chose her. I really think this killed her inside. No, I never cheated on her, but not every mistress is another woman. I am truly sorry that I didn't treat my wife with the love she deserved. I was supposed to cherish her, and at best I tolerated her. I

In closing cantletgo, play back those tapes of your fights in your head. Find out what you did wrong and become aware of it; so it doesn't happen again. Good luck and God bless.

LIL


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