# money and love



## darshanice (Jun 5, 2013)

My boyfriend wants to wait until we a least have our own place before getting married. Personally I believe that marriage is a life time commitment, with that said life is filled with ups and downs, so does it really matter if you're financially stable before taking the plunge?


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Where would you live if you got married now? How old are you two? How long have you been seeing each other?

You're right. Life is full of ups and downs. But... Getting married and learning to live with someone else is hugely stressful. If you combine that with financial issues, issues living with your parents, etc... What might have even a good marriage can explode with resentments and frustrations that may never heal. If you're truly right for each other, what's the rush?

So basically, neither of you is right, and neither of you is wrong. You're both entitled to your opinions. One of the keys to a successful marriage is learning how to compromise. Why not start now?

C


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

personaly I think marriage is a bullsh*t piece of paper that has no real merit of what love truly is. 

why the rush to get married?


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

For me, I think it's important to be financially stable before getting married. That is my preference. I also learned that there is never a need to rush into marriage. It takes a while before you truly know who someone really is.


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## darshanice (Jun 5, 2013)

PBear said:


> Where would you live if you got married now? How old are you two? How long have you been seeing each other?
> 
> You're right. Life is full of ups and downs. But... Getting married and learning to live with someone else is hugely stressful. If you combine that with financial issues, issues living with your parents, etc... What might have even a good marriage can explode with resentments and frustrations that may never heal. If you're truly right for each other, what's the rush?
> 
> ...


I'm 27 he's 28, we have been together for two years. Marriage for me would be security. I don't want to be one of these women who have 5 kids have been with the same guy for 15 years and are not married. I played house before and when ee broke up I was stuck with everything. People don't understand how much marriage protects you. 
I love him I've been waiting for him since I was 14. Our vaules, goals, and sweets are the same, its just that I don't feel comfortable adding financials in the mix before getting married (i.e. signing a lease)


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Are you living with him now?


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

darshanice said:


> I'm 27 he's 28, we have been together for two years. Marriage for me would be security. I don't want to be one of these women who have 5 kids have been with the same guy for 15 years and are not married. I played house before and when ee broke up I was stuck with everything. People don't understand how much marriage protects you.
> I love him I've been waiting for him since I was 14. Our vaules, goals, and sweets are the same, its just that I don't feel comfortable adding financials in the mix before getting married (i.e. signing a lease)


This could be a bit troubling. So you want the security of mariage...is that what you are looking for? Is that your main goal?

If you had been married when you were playing house, you would have had a bigger mess when you broke up...


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## John Lee (Mar 16, 2013)

It's common for men to want to feel they have a financial foundation before they get married -- you can think of him wanting to feel that he can provide a home for you. But how far away is that goal, a year? Five years? Does he have a plan to save enough to do it or is he just talking about it? Do you feel like it's a legitimate goal or just a procrastination tool? There's no necessary reason that you two have to own a house, especially before kids. But some people feel like it's a necessary thing.

My wife and I didn't have the best financial foundation when we got married -- she was just finishing grad school and I was just starting. We still were ok, but it did cause a lot of stress for me.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

I think young adults worry far too much about having a certain amount of money before getting married. If you two are independent today, e.g. don't depend on parental moneys, you have enough $ to get married.

The struggle is part of the journey. In fact, the struggle is a bonding experience. If you two have realistic plans which include attaining an acceptable financial position in the future, there is no reason to wait for that day before getting married.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

In my opinion getting married for security is almost laughable.

what dose that even mean?

from a guys standpoint it means ....now I can take advantage of him and if he leaves I get half of all his assets.


everybody has to make their own way in todays world. I think you would be wise to make sure you have job skills and be able to stand on your own. and even if you do marry that should be in the picture. half of all marriages fail .


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

darshanice said:


> I'm 27 he's 28, we have been together for two years. Marriage for me would be security. I don't want to be one of these women who have 5 kids have been with the same guy for 15 years and are not married. I played house before and when ee broke up I was stuck with everything. People don't understand how much marriage protects you.
> I love him I've been waiting for him since I was 14. Our vaules, goals, and sweets are the same, its just that I don't feel comfortable adding financials in the mix before getting married (i.e. signing a lease)


Is your BF wanting you to have children before getting married? If so, I wouldn't even go there. Save all that until you're BOTH financially stable and married.

As for major purchases, joint bank accounts etc, I wouldn't go there either unless I was married to someone. The law doesn't protect unmarried people, and things can get very messy.


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

chillymorn said:


> In my opinion getting married for security is almost laughable.
> 
> what dose that even mean?
> 
> ...


She was the one who got stuck last time, not the guy. In these days it happens more and more.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

EnjoliWoman said:


> She was the one who got stuck last time, not the guy. In these days it happens more and more.


how is she protected by marring then if her stuff is squared away she should be leary of marriage.

something dosen't sound right to me. How is she more secure by marring?


you would think she would be extra cautious.


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## daSaint (Sep 20, 2013)

Marriage is worth all the preparations u can make...emotional, mental, physical, spiritual & financial. Trust me, all these preparations will save u from so many heart aches in the future. However, there's no amount of preparation that can guarantee u a perfect marriage. We're humans, and there's so much we can't control.
You grow in marriage, and just like perfection is a journey, u learn, make compromises & sacrifices all along the way to build ur marriage - that's how to get the security u desire. So if u ask me, there's no hurry if u know u're right for each other...make all the necessary preparations for a life together, but don't wait for everything to be perfect before u go ahead because it'll take like forever and would still not be perfect.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Thor said:


> I think young adults worry far too much about having a certain amount of money before getting married. If you two are independent today, e.g. don't depend on parental moneys, you have enough $ to get married.
> 
> *The struggle is part of the journey. In fact, the struggle is a bonding experience. *If you two have realistic plans which include attaining an acceptable financial position in the future, there is no reason to wait for that day before getting married.


This is how I personally think...and how me & my husband was...no regrets... I don't feel marriage should be rushed...also it would never be ideal to move in with parents starting out..or if we were going to be strapped for cash having to borrow from others to meet our bills.

Between 2 incomes - *IF you can make it on your own*, have decent health benefits, can pay the rent... meet every bill, have a little saved back for emergencies (this is something to do while dating) ....if this is what you want...you are inseparable, in love, you have given it the test of *TIME *and *compatibility*...and are responsible with $$ ....I say...go for it...

Though.... I wouldn't dare marry anyone who couldn't live within their means -as this will cause endless fights, credit problems..... is one of the 1st 3 marriage destroyers... After communication and sex...very important to be on the same page here....

But in saying all of that... I don't think young people starting out need spanking new cars, a beautiful house/ big mortgage......there is nothing wrong with Renting for a time, buying used furniture, if you have a baby, buying used baby equipment/clothes.....this will save you so much...and doing your own house projects to save here also.... (this is struggling together)...in this way... you will be more in a position to have for your future...while reaching your dreams together and making memories at the same time....this is also very admirable... 

But wait until you can afford to get your own place...and have some put aside for those emergencies... as they will come!



> * daSaint said: Marriage is worth all the preparations u can make...emotional, mental, physical, spiritual & financial. Trust me, all these preparations will save u from so many heart aches in the future*.


 So very true!!


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

darshanice said:


> My boyfriend wants to wait until we a least have our own place before getting married. Personally I believe that marriage is a life time commitment, with that said life is filled with ups and downs, so does it really matter if you're financially stable before taking the plunge?


It is not about whether you live together or not--whether a commitment will last.

The fact is, he's told you point blank he wants to wait til you have your own place. That is his boundary. Either you are ok with it or not. What is the rush? As yourself. How long to get your own place? Is there a plan in place? Are you working? is he? Saving money? How long have you been dating? How old are you guys?


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

darshanice said:


> . Marriage for me would be security. I don't want to be one of these women who have 5 kids have been with the same guy for 15 years and are not married. I played house before and when ee broke up I was stuck with everything. People don't understand how much marriage protects you.


Tell that to people who lose everything in the divorce.

Just saying...


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

chillymorn said:


> personaly I think marriage is a bullsh*t piece of paper that has no real merit of what love truly is.


I think I just fell in love with that statement.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

chillymorn said:


> In my opinion getting married for security is almost laughable.
> 
> *what dose that even mean?*
> 
> ...


:iagree:


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## darshanice (Jun 5, 2013)

John Lee said:


> It's common for men to want to feel they have a financial foundation before they get married -- you can think of him wanting to feel that he can provide a home for you. But how far away is that goal, a year? Five years? Does he have a plan to save enough to do it or is he just talking about it? Do you feel like it's a legitimate goal or just a procrastination tool? There's no necessary reason that you two have to own a house, especially before kids. But some people feel like it's a necessary thing.
> 
> My wife and I didn't have the best financial foundation when we got married -- she was just finishing grad school and I was just starting. We still were ok, but it did cause a lot of stress for me.


Yes we both are working on our goal of financial stability. I've been feeling frustrated lately. My efforts seem to being faling on dead ears. My bf is the only thing that's a good fit in my life. I guess that why I'm anxious to seal the deal. I'm not a career driven person, but i've always been ok.
Ideally I want us to get married by late next year or early 2015


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