# Do alpha males get cheated on? If so, what is their response?



## Orange375 (Oct 20, 2015)

I have been doing a lot of reading about cheating since it has happened to me a few different times, and I am starting to think a lot of it has to do with my behavior / personality. I usually start off as being very ****y and confident but as the relationship progresses I become more and more beta. I found an incredible amount of information about this problem on a forum called "the red pill" and while it has been extremely hard to accept this information, I really do think it is accurate. If anyone has researched this or could provide any insight, it would be most appreciated. Some questions I have for now are -

1) if you don't naturally feel like an alpha male, won't it feel exhausting to keep that behavior up long term? 
2) it talks about men are the only true romantics and the only ones to love unconditionally as women are opportunists - granted they also state that everyone is on a spectrum and it is not all or nothing but when considering this notion - for a guy like myself that does want to feel that sense of unconditional pure love - how does one ever attain that? 
3) are there betas out there with actually happy and successful marriages? Is their wife truly happy?
4) where does religion and morals come into play in all this? 
5) why has society driven such feminism and devalued the masculine man? 

If you haven't ever heard of "the red pill" I highly encourage you to read up for a couple hours and come back to discuss. Extremely interesting and I'm afraid accurate information that will really help a lot of men and actually women have better relationships.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Cheating is a wayward's choice.....the betrayed has nothing to do with the choices their wayward makes.


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

Red pill is garbage. It's not even remotely accurate. 

Yes, alpha males get cheated on. What the do about it depends on the circumstance. 
Yes, beta males can have amazing marriages with women who are very happy and love them. 

If you become a "red pill" guy, very few women will ever respect you enough to be with you. 

You want respect- have self-confidence, be who you are and find someone who likes you for you, treat women with respect, meet her needs and set a boundary that she meets yours. If she won't, leave.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Yes, and it will typically involve an OM that's at least a bit more in tune w/ what are typically considered to be "beta" qualities.

If you're talking "pure" alpha, they tend to dump the cheater and move on. Any other mix of alpha/beta may very well lead to different results.

If your WW is still stringing you along, BTW, it's because her boytoy is doing the same to her.

Wake the f*ck up and give her the boot already.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

SlowlyGoingCrazy said:


> Red pill is garbage. It's not even remotely accurate.


Some of the alpha/beta stuff is on point. Where it falls short is in the premise that each guy is either alpha or beta.

It's waaaaay more complicated than that.


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## CantBelieveThis (Feb 25, 2014)

I don't know...I never really bought the concept of alfa or beta stuff...there is a lot in between, everyone is different. I would say that an alpha given their so called confidence would dump the CS and move on


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*It certainly stands to reason that in regard to an "alpha male," who happens to be married to an "alpha female," greatly provided that his "alpha score" is lower or flat pales in comparison to hers, then it is most ascertainable that that, in and of itself, could well spur her on to both abandon and cheat on him!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

GusPolinski said:


> Some of the alpha/beta stuff is on point. Where it falls short is in the premise each guy is either alpha or beta. It's waaaaay more complicated than that.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


The reasons why it's crap is things like this 


2) it talks about men are the only true romantics and the only ones to love unconditionally as women are opportunists 

The whole "women only like alpha guys" crap, talking about us like we are all the same, all are attracted to the same things, all go for the same type of men for the same reasons.

It's basically MGTOW-lite. Still crap. 

But I do agree that every man is - and should be- a mixture of "alpha and beta" traits but what matters more is to meet the needs of your specific partner. If she has a high need for domestic support, get your butt in the kitchen. It's not "beta", it's meeting her needs which earns love and respect.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Orange375 said:


> I have been doing a lot of reading about cheating since it has happened to me a few different times, and I am starting to think a lot of it has to do with my behavior / personality. I usually start off as being very ****y and confident but as the relationship progresses I become more and more beta. I found an incredible amount of information about this problem on a forum called "the red pill" and while it has been extremely hard to accept this information, I really do think it is accurate. If anyone has researched this or could provide any insight, it would be most appreciated. Some questions I have for now are -
> 
> 1) if you don't naturally feel like an alpha male, won't it feel exhausting to keep that behavior up long term?
> 2) it talks about men are the only true romantics and the only ones to love unconditionally as women are opportunists - granted they also state that everyone is on a spectrum and it is not all or nothing but when considering this notion - for a guy like myself that does want to feel that sense of unconditional pure love - how does one ever attain that?
> ...


If men are the only true romantics and all women are just opportunists... why do some men cheat on their wives?

Red pill is some very lame stuff. Seriously.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Look, let's be honest... for a man to meet his wife's emotional needs IS a beta quality. _But that's not a bad thing._ In fact, that's a *GREAT* thing.

So let's take the stigma away from the word.

Beta qualities are only "bad" if they're not reinforced w/ alpha qualities where appropriate and needed.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

EleGirl said:


> If men are the only true romantics and all women are just opportunists... why do some men cheat on their wives?


LOL... for romance!

:lol: :rofl:
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Orange375 (Oct 20, 2015)

For those saying its garbage - I don't think you have read enough. Trust me, I wish I could say it's garbage but it's not. You don't have to agree with everything on there, but they have a lot of incredibly accurate points. Some of it was honestly mind blowing as it depicted so much of my own relationship. Remember - it is not all or nothing. A person is not 100% alpha or 100% beta - they are a mixture and its fluid.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Be smart (Feb 22, 2015)

It does not matter if you are Alpha,Beta or Omega if your wife decided to cheat on you. 

You can be president of Germany,Russia or USA with zero fat into you but ones her mind is on cheating on you you cant do anything. Well maybe serve her with D papers that would be my advice. 

Be yourself my friend and ANY GOOD woman will respect you for it.


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

Orange375 said:


> For those saying its garbage - I don't think you have read enough. Trust me, I wish I could say it's garbage but it's not. You don't have to agree with everything on there, but they have a lot of incredibly accurate points. Some of it was honestly mind blowing as it depicted so much of my own relationship. Remember - it is not all or nothing. A person is not 100% alpha or 100% beta - they are a mixture and its fluid.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I've read plenty red pill blogs, articles, and forums to last me a lifetime. What makes you believe this is the panacea that cures infidelity? 

There are some male posters on TAM who tried the red pill formula to relationships and found that it was either detrimental to their relationship or it was difficult to keep up in the long run. 

You seem to believe it's not garbage but have you put any of it into practice?


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

Orange375 said:


> For those saying its garbage - I don't think you have read enough. Trust me, I wish I could say it's garbage but it's not. You don't have to agree with everything on there, but they have a lot of incredibly accurate points. Some of it was honestly mind blowing as it depicted so much of my own relationship. Remember - it is not all or nothing. A person is not 100% alpha or 100% beta - they are a mixture and its fluid.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


But what you- and they- do not get is that women are not all the same. MOST do not fall under what they say. If you want self-help or confidence building, you can do that without the woman bashing and misinformation that kind of stuff gives. 

As soon as you have those kinds of ideas about women, you lower your chances of finding a good one. It won't matter how "alpha" you are at that point. You're basically shooting yourself in the foot. 

Find your own self-confidence and fix your picker to find a woman who meets your needs and wants YOU. You won't have to pretend to be anyone you aren't if you find someone compatible.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

arbitrator said:


> *It certainly stands to reason that in regard to an "alpha male," who happens to be married to an "alpha female," greatly provided that his "alpha score" is lower or flat pales in comparison to hers, then it is most ascertainable that that, in and of itself, could well spur her on to both abandon and cheat on him!*
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Say that in english!


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Orange375 said:


> For those saying its garbage - I don't think you have read enough. Trust me, I wish I could say it's garbage but it's not. You don't have to agree with everything on there, but they have a lot of incredibly accurate points. Some of it was honestly mind blowing as it depicted so much of my own relationship. Remember - it is not all or nothing. A person is not 100% alpha or 100% beta - they are a mixture and its fluid.


No, those of us who are saying that it is garbage have read a LOT of that nonsense. We've had long discussion threads on TAM about it for years now.

You might have just discovered it. It is old news to us. 

.


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## LosingHim (Oct 20, 2015)

People cheat for any number of reasons.

I cheated because I had zero boundaries, don't know how to properly deflect advances and let a mans smooth words validate me rather than seeing my own self worth and the value of my marriage. 

In my case it had nothing to do with my husband being alpha or beta, but everything to do with who I was. How I validated my worth and trying to constantly please people.

I think someone's propensity to cheat has everything to do with THEIR personality and not their spouses. However, I guess there could be more chance of someone cheating if their spouse was a complete pushover in all senses and they KNEW they could get away with it. But of course, that would come down to having zero respect for your spouse any way right? 

As far as how they deal with it, I would suppose that an alpha would probably end it no matter what.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

Anyone can be cheated on. Alpha, beta, gamma, males, females, heterosexuals, homosexuals, transexuals, rich, poor, healthy, disabled... and the list goes on and on... Infidelity has been going on since Adam and Eve. People cheat. There is no pill to stop it. 

Find out who you are and be the best you can be. That's all you can do. That's all anyone can do. 

Best


BTW, Orange. My alpha traits mostly frighten my wife. It's my beta traits that endear her to me.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Yes, Alpha Males get cheated on. And sometimes the wife cheats with a Beta male.


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## gouge_away (Apr 7, 2015)

I read the entire exhaustive database of trp literature over a 3 month period.

Nowhere did I see anyone suggest that alpha men don't get cheated on. "You can't be mad at fish for swimming," should ring a bell.

Your going be cheated on, AWALT, don't be mad at women for being woman and doing womanly things. Of course I am not suggesting all women are cheaters, but many are, and likewise many men are cheaters. What trp does is it plants in your mind the expectation that women are all alike, and that you cannot change women. What you can do is prepare yourself and be aware of human nature (both male and female) use that wisdom to navigate through society, get the anger out now, and start enjoying life, happiness, and idgaf.

You will see a lot of misogynistic writings on trp, that is part of the process of accepting reality and watching the dream die, its part of the grieving process.

•Denial
•Bargaining
•*Anger*
•Depression
•Acceptance

If you are in the denial or bargaining stage of swallowing the pill, the angry woman hating AWALT b.s. will sicken you and almost make you reject trp altogether. Then after internalizing some of the more accurate stuff you will draw parallels to the angry posts and become a woman hater yourself, until you just don't care and accept that you cannot change women, you can only change how you perceive them. "Don't get mad, get better." Live how you want to live, quit toiling your life away to please women and start enjoying them and they will want to enjoy you.

Another thing to consider that goes against your interpretation is the c0ck carousel, this is supposed to be a pool of chads that younger women ride until it bucks them off into the wall.
That would suggest that women are jumping from one alpha to the next until alphas reject them for being used up, nothing is worse than a used up old entitled skank... I know that from experience, and will take what I gained from trp to heart as to avoid a similar situation.

Even in my best frame I was cheated on, by a red pill woman points below me... I didn't get mad, or feel bad at all. I just blew her off and got back at the game, she has been trying to contact me since and I have no time for that sh¡t. I don't cheat, never have, I don't put up with it and no longer give second chances because I've realized there are unlimited options outside of a bad ltr.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

"Pool of 'Chads'".

Hilarious.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Relationship Teacher (Jan 3, 2016)

Orange375 said:


> 1) if you don't naturally feel like an alpha male, won't it feel exhausting to keep that behavior up long term?
> 2) it talks about men are the only true romantics and the only ones to love unconditionally as women are opportunists - granted they also state that everyone is on a spectrum and it is not all or nothing but when considering this notion - for a guy like myself that does want to feel that sense of unconditional pure love - how does one ever attain that?
> 3) are there betas out there with actually happy and successful marriages? Is their wife truly happy?
> 4) where does religion and morals come into play in all this?
> ...



1. Not being yourself can be exhausting and your authentic self will inevitably show itself.
2. Men view sex and romance differently, that is all. It isn't that one is more or less romantic, it is just a different perception of it.
3. I am the furthest thing from being a dominant man. That does not mean I have no confidence or lack a backbone. My relationship is grounded on total respect and acceptance. My partner constantly tells me how happy she is, and we have a newborn. I have no complaints, I am happier than I could ever have imagined possible.
4. I have no good answer at this moment.
5. You can still be masculine. It is only seen as competing with the typical male gender role. I see it as a positive movement as, in my opinion, relationships can now be dominated by romance, ad infinitum. The respect I give to my partner doesn't take away from my masculinity, I see it as my male role/responsibility to do so. We aren't hunter-gatherers anymore. We are not a pride of lions. I think some men feel uncomfortable not being relied upon as much as in past decades and centuries.

Relationship Teacher


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

What trp does is it plants in your mind the expectation that women are all alike, and that you cannot change women.

Then after internalizing some of the more accurate stuff you will draw parallels to the angry posts and become a woman hater yourself

That would suggest that women are jumping from one alpha to the next until alphas reject them for being used up, nothing is worse than a used up old entitled skank...

....woman points below me.

OP- It's this kind of stuff that will prevent a red pill guy from ever finding a quality woman. No self-respecting, good woman would ever be with a man who thinks this way, therefore they end up with women who only confirm their own ideas. It's self-defeating, not reality. 

If you want a good woman, be a good man. A good man doesn't think of women this way. Would you want this kind of man with your daughter? Mother? Sister? Then it's not good enough for your girlfriend or partner either and it will never earn you the respect you need to maintain a marriage.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

LOL. Everyone gets cheated on whether they are Alpha, Beta, a mixture of both, woman or man. You can read every piece of literature and still get burned. Go ahead and defend it, but people are somewhere in the middle. When I read these databases, both male and female biased writings, it is interesting they read like like cults. They mix in true information and then creates a bucnh of wild theories. They go from A to B to C and when they make the leap to Q you are already hooked.


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## CantBelieveThis (Feb 25, 2014)

Wat the heck is this red pill and "trp" stuff anyways? 

Sent from my SM-T700 using Tapatalk


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

MattMatt said:


> Yes, Alpha Males get cheated on. And sometimes the wife cheats with a Beta male.


So very true. OM is nowhere near the man I am. But then again, that's how a lot of players operate. They pretend to be the sensitive guy, the shoulder to cry on, in order to bag their female.

"Oh, if you were mine, I'd treat you like a queen" ,etc.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

CantBelieveThis said:


> Wat the heck is this red pill and "trp" stuff anyways?


TRP = "The Red Pill"

This is a reference to the scene in "The Matrix" in which Neo takes "the red pill", thereby learning the truth about not only his own existence but the human condition, as well as his destiny.

MGTOW = "Men going their own way"

A common slogan used by men who -- united mostly by varying degrees of disillusionment toward relationships w/ women -- have chosen to forego any meaningful romantic contact w/ women.

AWALT / NAWALT - "All women are like that" / "Not all women are like that"

Opposing phrases used by a) many of those that support the ideas put forth by TRP/MGTOW and b) their detractors, respectively.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

GusPolinski said:


> TRP = "The Red Pill"
> 
> This is a reference to the scene in "The Matrix" in which Neo takes "the red pill", thereby learning the truth about not only his own existence but the human condition, as well as his destiny.
> 
> ...


Gus and others it's comes down to what a male will put up with.

Unlike Paul Elam mr mra sites like roosh a pua site, a lot of those guys are on track to a point.
Here... https://www.rooshvforum.com/forum-4.html
And this one also MGTOW HQ ? Men Going Their Own Way Forums ? View forum - MGTOW General Discussion

Hey there are exceptions but these younger dudes need to know what they are up against. :smile2:


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## Kobold (Dec 5, 2015)

My position on the whole "red pill" theory is somewhat divided, on one hand I acknowledge that some of what they describe as the symptoms are accurate, but I don't fully agree with the cause of the illness nor do I endorse the recommended treatment. The one thing that's always bothered me about all of the alpha male talk, whether it's the books that get recommended to BH's or any of the countless sites that cater to that particular audience, is the fact that when a man gets cheated on and he decides to change who he is for the purpose of winning her back, he is effectively taking blame for his wife's affair. 

It's admitting that who he was just wasn't enough and now that she's test driven some other guy he needs to step his game up in order to compete with him. I don't buy into that theory at all, if she couldn't love you for being a sweet, kind and sensitive man who treated her with love and gentleness, then what good is she? Is she so amazing that she's worth becoming another person for just to keep her?

Now if you're divorcing her and you just want to get in shape or become more outgoing so you can eventually meet somebody else, then I get that and can see how some of that advice could be useful to you, but to completely change who you are from the inside out is admitting that you failed her. Except you didn't fail her, she failed herself and you with her vile behavior. You're not the one who needs to change, she is. 

Now one thing that I do agree with the pro alpha crowd on is the fact that there are(unfortunately) more than a few women out there who absolutely will steamroll right over a more beta inclined male without any hint of shame or remorse in order to get what they want. There are some women who for whatever reason(nature vs. nurture?) prey on men like that and see those qualities in a male(meekness, shyness, etc.) as weaknesses to be exploited. This is why most mothers warn their sons at a young age to look out for that type of woman, cause she knows how dangerous they can be. 

Part of the reason we're still stuck in this silly gender war is the amount of women who feel like absolutely ALL women must stick together and so they get offended when anything negative gets said about any women and they often deny that these types of women even exist or that they're a tiny irrelevant minority(they're not) which is greatly detrimental to male/female relations IMO. Cause men hear that denial as a passive defense of the abuse from women against men and it only reinforces their already held belief that ALL women are like that at their core. 

Rather than getting offended at the notion that somebody somewhere might have said something negative about womankind, what women really should do IMO, is acknowledge that there are women who prey on "nice guys" like that and then let those men who have been hurt know that there truly are plenty of good, decent women out there that would treat them right and not take advantage of them. I say the same thing in the reverse scenario BTW, when women lament the supposed lack of good men, men shouldn't get their panties in a bunch over that either, but should try and help those women see that there are good men.

The fact is that no man or woman comes to the conclusion that all or most of the opposite sex are snakes without getting bitten at least once, if not several times. So the way I look at it is neither of these groups(generally speaking) hate all men or hate all women, they're just jaded from being screwed over by the opposite sex one too many times, but they love their mom/dad/brother/sister/son/daughter etc. They deserve our empathy and well meaning advice more than our outrage and offense.

So in conclusion to my long winded dissertation, while it's true that too many women(at least in their youth) overvalue self centered "bad boys" and jerks to the detriment of the good and decent guys, this "red pill" being offered to men as a cure all is really just a placebo. It cannot fix the current problems between the sexes and in all likelihood will just further the already vast divide, further hurting the family unit(which is societies foundation) and personally speaking I'd rather just be alone than put on an Ed Hardy T shirt, spend all my free time at the gym and calculatingly ignore vapid club girls while trying to come across as mysterious, no thank you.


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## Cara (Aug 15, 2010)

Well, that's a lot of questions! 

But to answer the main one, of course alpha males get cheated on. IMO, an Alpha can TCB in his sleep, so a woman cheating on him will not screw up his life. He will drop her (or deal with her if they are married with kids) and move on to greener pastures. 

An Alpha does not lose control in a relationship. He may choose to give some of it up, but it cannot be taken from him.


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## straightshooter (Dec 27, 2015)

Way too analytical. This crap is too complicated to make general statements, especially when everyone's definition of an 'alpha" or :"beta" can be so different.

Just read that it is the female who more reliable data is on. The higher a female's economic status is it seems the higher the chance she will cheat. It makes sense. Women initiate the overwhelming serving of divorce papers, and when they are not dependent on men for economic needs as well, they do not have as much to lose.

But no matter what you think or whether you are alpha, beta, or anywhere in between, NO ONE is immune from it happening, and there is never any ironclad guarantee that it will not happen again. That is why it sucks so bad.


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## BrokenLady (Jan 19, 2015)

I can't help but think of the Tom Cruise character in the film Magnolia.

There was a post at the top "Why this site/way of life is great" (words to that effect)

Quote - 
"is an ugly, disturbing truth.. human nature, watching men constantly try to impose their pecking order on each other, while complaining about all the drama they are drowning in due to the women in their life.. while at the same time, watching women essentially have it all.. sneaking around pregnant f***ing thugs while using "caring" men for all they're worth. Disgusting, but it brings me peace of mind being able to recognize it exactly for what it is now.. and a sense of happiness knowing that I am no longer involved in it.. and that I am free to do what I want with the rest of my life."

REALLY! Horrible, sexist, stereotyping, bollocks!! REALLY!?!?

Alpha/Beta what on earth is this world coming to? Yes! Women are all money grabbing ho ho ho's!!


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## BrokenLady (Jan 19, 2015)

Sorry....it took me a while to post...then there were others! I'm talking about the links to the sites...


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## Kobold (Dec 5, 2015)

There is something else at play here, which I completely forgot to touch on before. That's the fact that some men seem very alpha to the outside world, whether they wear a suit and run a company or a leather jacket and ride a Harley and yet they're practically castrated when it comes to dealing with their own wife. 

I've seen grown men that look like they could give the UFC champ a run for his money get dressed down publicly like a naughty child by a petite little woman.  So you may also need to factor that in when asking if alpha guys ever get cheated on. This subject fascinates me BTW, I'm glad you brought it to the forums.


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## Vinnydee (Jan 4, 2016)

My first fiancee cheated on me when I was in combat overseas. I broke it off. Past actions are a good indicator of future behavior. My ex went on to cheat on her husband. Once a cheater, always a cheater is close to the truth from my own experience and that of our siblings and friends.


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## just got it 55 (Mar 2, 2013)

GusPolinski said:


> Some of the alpha/beta stuff is on point. Where it falls short is in the premise each guy is either alpha or beta. It's waaaaay more complicated than that.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


OP A man just does the right thing

He loves,honors and respects his 

Parents
Wife
Siblings
Family

Loves and cares for his children until his job is done which is never

He leads and stands up for himself and the rights of others

He even admits mistakes and takes steps to correct them

Call him what you want Alpha or Beta

A real man can and should be a a composite of both.

55
,


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## gouge_away (Apr 7, 2015)

Kobold said:


> It's admitting that who he was just wasn't enough and now that she's test driven some other guy he needs to step his game up in order to compete with him. I don't buy into that theory at all, if she couldn't love you for being a sweet, kind and sensitive man who treated her with love and gentleness, then what good is she? Is she so amazing that she's worth becoming another person for just to keep her?


Well, I don't think that is why OP dabbled in the manosphere, and its not why I read trp.

I want to know what I needed to change in myself so I don't settle for skanks, not to win a skank back.

If I can better myself, including my confidence, I can easily next a ho, because I have an abundance of interesting women interested in me.


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

Here's my observation and my thoughts alone. On one hand, folks say "its 100% on the cheating spouse", and on the other are speculating on whether certain personality traits (alpha, beta in this case) fosters cheating, implying a contributory factor coming from the betrayed spouse. 
My experience is when a woman cheats, she has either lost or has a significant low romantic interest in and often coupled with low respect for her mate, alpha or beta notwithstanding. (albeit, she is less likely to lose romantic interest and/or respect for the alpha male because he's will remain a challenge and he won't let her walk all over him. Letting her walk all over you is a sure fire way of turning her love into apathy, regret, and sometimes contempt.) 
I may be wrong so I welcome both challenge and agreement from women. You girls know I right.


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## Orange375 (Oct 20, 2015)

gouge_away said:


> Well, I don't think that is why OP dabbled in the manosphere, and its not why I read trp.
> 
> I want to know what I needed to change in myself so I don't settle for skanks, not to win a skank back.
> 
> If I can better myself, including my confidence, I can easily next a ho, because I have an abundance of interesting women interested in me.


Several of you have mentioned things along the lines of having a lot of great women interested in them, or dating them, meeting them, etc. 

When I think of just about everyone I know, and I think about their wives or girlfriends - I don't think I am envious or would want to be with any of them. I felt like I got super lucky with my wife, that is of course until she couldn't stop cheating on me. But - where are you guys meeting all these great women?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Orange375 said:


> Several of you have mentioned things along the lines of having a lot of great women interested in them, or dating them, meeting them, etc.
> 
> When I think of just about everyone I know, and I think about their wives or girlfriends - I don't think I am envious or would want to be with any of them. I felt like I got super lucky with my wife, that is of course until she couldn't stop cheating on me. But - where are you guys meeting all these great women?


Lesson #1:

Learn to appreciate women for more than outward beauty alone.

Lesson #2:

_Be worthy_ of women that have more to offer than outward beauty alone.

Lesson #3:

At the first sign of a spoiled, entitled mentality, cut your losses and move on.


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## gouge_away (Apr 7, 2015)

Orange375 said:


> But - where are you guys meeting all these great women?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I wouldn't say all of them are great, but pretty much everywhere but work.

Once I learned the ioi (indications of interest) that women put off, I can initiate conversation. Many of them I come to find out are attached, some don't come out and tell you right away, they string you along for the validation, I next them, because I don't need that drama. I also next the ones with lots of guy friends orbiting them, I'm not interested in being friend zoned. What I usually get are girls that have been on there own for awhile, or girls that just got out of a bad relationship.

The ones that have been alone for awhile (6mo or more) make for a better connection in my experience, and the dates are awesome.

The rest are iffy, and tend to be a bit clingy.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Problem is with many so called "alpha"'males is that they pick stank hos to be married to. Bad boys like bad girls. 

Well, Einstien.... If you didn't want a wife who was going to cheat on you, maybe you shouldn't have married that tat infested stripper...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

GusPolinski said:


> Lesson #1:
> 
> Learn to appreciate women for more than outward beauty alone.
> 
> ...



Perfect.

This is why I am on a quest for the plumpest, poorest, butterfaced Texas woman available. :surprise:
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## gouge_away (Apr 7, 2015)

bandit.45 said:


> Perfect.
> 
> This is why I am on a quest for the plumpest, poorest, butterfaced Texas woman available. :surprise:
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Lol, "plump butterface!?"

+1 if she's got a lisp


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

Orange375 said:


> I don't think I am envious or would want to be with any of them. I felt like I got super lucky with my wife, that is of course until she couldn't stop cheating on me. But - where are you guys meeting all these great women?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Here's the first rule when looking for a wife. If you discover she's had some guys she dates because they are husband material where she's prim and proper and some other guys she thinks are fun, where she's a rounder, she's not for you. 
If she flirts with other men when she's with you, it ain't to make you jealous. Its to make her feel good. She simply has no respect for you and woman can't love men they have no respect for.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

LOL...

Nice edit, bandito.

I hear one of Mrs. Gus's aunts may be available soon, plus she's in your area.

Oh wait... she's a BSC nightmare.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

BSC?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## gouge_away (Apr 7, 2015)

bandit.45 said:


> BSC?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Batt-chit-crazy


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Ohhhhhh....


No I don't need any more of those. 



_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## gouge_away (Apr 7, 2015)

Everybody gets at least 1 brah.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

I've had two or three thanks.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

Orange375 said:


> I have been doing a lot of reading about cheating since it has happened to me a few different times, and I am starting to think a lot of it has to do with my behavior / personality. I usually start off as being very ****y and confident but as the relationship progresses I become more and more beta. I found an incredible amount of information about this problem on a forum called "the red pill" and while it has been extremely hard to accept this information, I really do think it is accurate. If anyone has researched this or could provide any insight, it would be most appreciated. Some questions I have for now are -
> 
> 1) if you don't naturally feel like an alpha male, won't it feel exhausting to keep that behavior up long term?
> 2) it talks about men are the only true romantics and the only ones to love unconditionally as women are opportunists - granted they also state that everyone is on a spectrum and it is not all or nothing but when considering this notion - for a guy like myself that does want to feel that sense of unconditional pure love - how does one ever attain that?
> ...


Wow, this thread is going to be epic.

Since you're new here, you probably don't know that this has been beaten to death already, with most of the participants laughing off the red pill as being "misogyny" for short, or the longer version: "a bunch of bitter losers who live in their mommy's basements and can't get laid".

Now to answer your questions seriously, from the viewpoint of a "lesser alpha" who has had reasonably good success with women in the past. I found the red pill after I started noticing some slight but negative changes starting to occur in my marriage:

_1) if you don't naturally feel like an alpha male, won't it feel exhausting to keep that behavior up long term? _

It can be tough at first, but it gets easier with practice.

_2) it talks about men are the only true romantics and the only ones to love unconditionally as women are opportunists - granted they also state that everyone is on a spectrum and it is not all or nothing but when considering this notion - for a guy like myself that does want to feel that sense of unconditional pure love - how does one ever attain that? _

You can't. That is actually one of the most unpleasant results of taking the red pill, that you realize this is impossible. Of course, it's better to realize it than to be blindsided by the results of not knowing this.

_3) are there betas out there with actually happy and successful marriages? Is their wife truly happy?_

I don't know of any cases like that. I think the only way that can happen is if the wife is naturally so submissive that she doesn't fitness test her husband. If that were the case, obviously he couldn't fail the tests and make her unhappy.

_4) where does religion and morals come into play in all this? _

Well, those who follow the Biblical model of marriage, where the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the Church, theoretically this shouldn't be a problem. However, as one wise man said, if Adam, with a direct grant of authority from God, wasn't alpha enough to keep Eve from disobeying a direct order from God, who could possibly be alpha enough to prevent a wife from being disobedient?

_5) why has society driven such feminism and devalued the masculine man? _

That is a very big question, much too large to answer here. So I'll refer you to the "Misandry" series by Nathanson and Young, starting with this one: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0773530991?psc=1&redirect=true&ref_=oh_aui_detailpage_o01_s00


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## Kobold (Dec 5, 2015)

One other thing that occurred to me is the fact that women who cheat on their husbands tend to have a variety of reasons/excuses for doing so and they generally contradict some other woman's reasons/excuses. For instance a lot of WW's claim their husband was never at home and that he worked all of the time which they claim means he didn't care about them or the kids enough to spend quality time with them, while others will claim that he was home too much and he didn't work enough or seem like he had any ambition which she took as him not caring about her and the children enough to strive for a better life for them. So which is it, are BH's too beta(unmotivated/content) or too alpha(ambitious/power hungry)? 

It's a lose-lose in many of these cases, cause no matter what he did it was always gonna be wrong for some reason. IMO that reason is cause HE has to be wrong in order for HER to not feel like complete garbage for cheating on him. If she cheated on a wonderful, loving husband who didn't deserve it then how will she look at herself in the mirror? But if he wasn't all that amazing in the first place then it makes it a little easier on her. 

Some people will twist themselves into human pretzels in order to make their actions seem less atrocious to themselves and others. That's why I'm always suspicious of people who've cheated and only now realize during the affair or even post-affair how awful their spouse/marriage was all along. I've seen it too many times to count, where a WW comes to a board like this and tells us how wonderful her husband is and how horrible she is for doing this to him, but as the thread unfolds you slowly start seeing her grievances with him slipping out and suddenly he's not all that great after all and maybe he even kinda "deserves" this for being such a jerk to the poor girl. It's at that point where I know that somebody's rationalization hamster is in overdrive.


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## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

Kobold said:


> One other thing that occurred to me is the fact that women who cheat on their husbands tend to have a variety of reasons/excuses for doing so and they generally contradict some other woman's reasons/excuses. For instance a lot of WW's claim their husband was never at home and that he worked all of the time which they claim means he didn't care about them or the kids enough to spend quality time with them, while others will claim that he was home too much and he didn't work enough or seem like he had any ambition which she took as him not caring about her and the children enough to strive for a better life for them. So which is it, are BH's too beta(unmotivated/content) or too alpha(ambitious/power hungry)?
> 
> It's a lose-lose in many of these cases, cause no matter what he did it was always gonna be wrong for some reason. IMO that reason is cause HE has to be wrong in order for HER to not feel like complete garbage for cheating on him. If she cheated on a wonderful, loving husband who didn't deserve it then how will she look at herself in the mirror? But if he wasn't all that amazing in the first place then it makes it a little easier on her.
> 
> Some people will twist themselves into human pretzels in order to make their actions seem less atrocious to themselves and others. That's why I'm always suspicious of people who've cheated and only now realize during the affair or even post-affair how awful their spouse/marriage was all along. I've seen it too many times to count, where a WW comes to a board like this and tells us how wonderful her husband is and how horrible she is for doing this to him, but as the thread unfolds you slowly start seeing her grievances with him slipping out and suddenly he's not all that great after all and maybe he even kinda "deserves" this for being such a jerk to the poor girl. It's at that point where I know that somebody's rationalization hamster is in overdrive.


Yes, that is called "cognitive dissonance" and is a very powerful force. Resisting that temptation is necessary for personal growth, though.


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

ThePheonix said:


> My experience is when a woman cheats, she has either lost or has a significant low romantic interest in and often coupled with low respect for her mate, alpha or beta notwithstanding. (albeit, she is less likely to lose romantic interest and/or respect for the alpha male because he's will remain a challenge and he won't let her walk all over him. Letting her walk all over you is a sure fire way of turning her love into apathy, regret, and sometimes contempt.)
> I may be wrong so I welcome both challenge and agreement from women. You girls know I right.


My life experience. 

MANY of these women never truly were "in love" with their husbands to begin with. They were either convenient (ie the man pursued her and she never had to put much effort into the relationship, essentially male lapdogs) or they were useful to them (ie they could provided her with a good life style, security blankets).

I know many women who no matter how badly they are treated are still head over heels in love with their husbands. These ones who are "falling out of love" almost always have "another guy" who perhaps got away that they are forever pining over. That's why they were never "all in" with their current hubbies to begin with.


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

gouge_away said:


> that is part of the process of accepting reality and watching the dream die, its part of the grieving process.
> 
> •Denial
> •Bargaining
> ...


Almost every BS goes though this I feel. I know I did. Finding out you've been cheated on is a lot like losing a loved one.




gouge_away said:


> I didn't get mad, or feel bad at all. I just blew her off and got back at the game, she has been trying to contact me since and I have no time for that sh¡t. I don't cheat, never have, I don't put up with it and no longer give second chances because I've realized there are unlimited options outside of a bad ltr.


This is how an alpha acts when cheated on OP. 

Take notes.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

BetrayedDad said:


> My life experience.
> 
> MANY of these women never truly were "in love" with their husbands to begin with. They were either convenient (ie the man pursued her and she never had to put much effort into the relationship, essentially male lapdogs) or they were useful to them (ie they could provided her with a good life style, security blankets).
> 
> I know many women who no matter how badly they are treated are still head over heels in love with their husbands. These ones who are "falling out of love" almost always have "another guy" who perhaps got away that they are forever pining over. That's while they were never "all in" with their current hubbies to begin with.


I agree with you wholeheartedly. 

I would venture to guess this is responsible for probably 30% of adultery by women. They marry men who they are not attracted to physically or emotionally, knowing full well at the time they are marrying the wrong guy. They marry because the guy is a "good catch" and because their mom and girlfriends put the pressure on them to snag and bag him. 

Some grow up a realize that they made a mistake and do the adult thing by giving them a divorce, but many also take the coward's way out and try to meet the needs they have outside the marriage.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
life is too complicated for simple rules. There are a lot more than 2 personality types - there is an entire range. People cheat for a lot of different reasons, in some cases the partner has done nothing wrong, in others they have acted in ways that strongly encouraged cheating.

I think the best anyone can do is to be sure that they are not themselves acting in a way that would encourage their partner to cheat. That doesn't mean that the won't cheat for their own personal selfish reasons.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

I've long since moved on from the alpha/beta nonsense, however I have a buddy that is about as alpha as one can get.

Own business, lots of $, natural leader, fit, strong, confident...

And still got cheated on. I don't think those qualities protect you from being cheated on -- because you can't control someone else's behaviour.

All those qualities do is control your own behaviour. And I will say that he handled it like a boss. He used her fog against her, freed her up to go be with the other man (was one of his closest friends, BTW), and had her out of the house and signing papers within the week.

Was gone with another woman to Hawaii a couple of weeks later... With another woman... And was in contact with his ex-friend's wife... So he knew that the other man was about to dump is soon to be ex. And was gone when the **** hit the fan.

He's managed to regroup, is living with a new woman who treats him better, sold his business (giving his ex half) and started a new one that is all his and is far more profitable. Has his kids half time at his sprawling house, and travels with his new GF the other half of the time.

His ex is alone, looks like she's aged 10 years overnight, and struggles.

So... I don't think you can actually do much to protect yourself from having someone cheat on you. All you can do is have a good response plan.


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

marduk said:


> So... I don't think you can actually do much to protect yourself from having someone cheat on you. All you can do is have a good response plan.


The best way to protect yourself is to not ignore the red flags and weed them out long before the march down the aisle.

The best response is to dump them immediately and find someone else. 95% of cheating spouses aren't worth staying married too.

In either case, the solution is similar. DON'T ever become codependent on one person. Once that happens, your boundaries become weakened, you start to let things go or slide and next thing you know, you've turned into a doormat.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

marduk said:


> I've long since moved on from the alpha/beta nonsense, however I have a buddy that is about as alpha as one can get.
> 
> Own business, lots of $, natural leader, fit, strong, confident...
> 
> ...


Textbook handled like a pro.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

bandit.45 said:


> Perfect.
> 
> This is why I am on a quest for the plumpest, poorest, butterfaced Texas woman available. :surprise:


BTW, you'll probably have better luck on the other side of the Sabine.

:lol: :rofl:


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

GusPolinski said:


> BTW, you'll probably have better luck on the other side of the Sabine.
> 
> :lol: :rofl:


Ugh,,, flashback from images at the buffet known as cicis pizza.

No bueno.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

GusPolinski said:


> BTW, you'll probably have better luck on the other side of the Sabine.
> 
> :lol: :rofl:


Sabine? Illuminate me Texan teacher....


WTF is a Sabine?


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

bandit.45 said:


> Sabine? Illuminate me Texan teacher....
> 
> 
> WTF is a Sabine?


The Sabine river.

It's Texas' easternmost border.

Louisiana is on the other side of it.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

GusPolinski said:


> BTW, you'll probably have better luck on the other side of the Sabine.
> 
> :lol: :rofl:


*My dear friend, @bandit.45, doesn't really want to get hooked up with a Louisiana woman! 

Under the Louisiana family law code, pertaining to matters of divorce, she'd be able to literally rake his poor, tired ol' a$$ over the coals!

Just "shack-up" here in Texas in what we formally call a "Samsonite Wedding!" ~ "Shack ~ then to get a divorce, all that you have to do is 'pack!'"*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

arbitrator said:


> Bandito doesn't want to get hooked up with a Louisiana woman!
> 
> Under the Louisiana family law pertaining to divorce, she'd be able to literally rake his poor, tired ol' a$$ over the coals!
> 
> Shack up in Texas in what we call a "Samsonite Wedding!" ~ "Shack ~ then to get a divorce, all that you have to do is 'pack!'


LOL...

I didn't say get married! And I'm pretty sure @bandit.45 is done w/ that anyway.

And I'd sure as Hell never advise anyone to actually _live_ in Louisiana, much less stay there long enough to divorce there.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

GusPolinski said:


> LOL...
> 
> I didn't say get married! And I'm pretty sure @bandit.45 is done w/ that anyway.
> 
> And I'd sure as Hell never advise anyone to actually _live_ in Louisiana, much less stay there long enough to divorce there.


*I know the feeling! I was raised over there up through getting my bachelors degree!

From that point forward, I just pointed my 1974 Dodge Colt in the direction of The Lone Star State, Houston specifically, and last saw Louisiana in the rear-view mirror!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

Calcasieu Parish was my old stomping ground when I was a kid; many moons ago. Spent a little time fishing the Sabine and the canals between the Gray Ranch and the Sabine river. Like da say down dar, "A good Cajun girl make you happy and a bad Cajun girl give you experience. Both turn out good if ja handle yourself right."


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Those Creole girls don't make good wives?


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*From my perspective of having lived and been raised up in @thephoenix home parish, I'd be greatly forced to say that those Cajun gals do make good love, they make even better gumbo, but they make terrible, temperamental wives! 

And who knows exactly how to use a courthouse against their husband!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

Me and my buddies were still shooting marbles and flying kites. I did have a Cajun chick I was sweet on in the fifth grade. The only thing I brought away was a Cajun accent that kids in west Georgia would poke fun at but da liked hearing me talk. Took a long time to get over it but when I do it for the hell of it, it'll stay with me for several paragraphs before I can quit. We occasionally go to the crawfish festival (or the mudbug fay-doe-doe) in Breaux Bridge for the music and food. I've got kin folk in New Iberia.

*"but they make terrible, temperamental wives!"* ----You see that everywhere you go Arb.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Some of the old timers here might remember the long running thread of a woman (the thread ended up in the private section so I won't mention her name) who had a little afternoon delight one day and was so overwhelmed with guilt that she immediately told her husband.

She had described him as the alpha type. And his response was a swift separation. I think a little bit of couples counseling and then he went ahead and divorced her.

I think the thread was active for over 6 months. One male poster pulled out some info from one of her posts. That was, that she wanted another child and her husband didn't. She came to the realization that she had the affair because of her latent anger about the matter. 

Never mind that they had two children already and she lived a comfortable SAHM life.


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## Relationship Teacher (Jan 3, 2016)

> The best way to protect yourself is to not ignore the red flags and weed them out long before the march down the aisle.


It is too simplistic to think that all of the warning signs are there that indicate future cheating. That person didn't plan on cheating, and probably didn't think they ever would. With few exceptions, individuals cheat because they are unhappy and want more. They are bottled up sexually and/or emotionally. Those are the true warning signs. When unhappy, individuals realize that they can enjoy the infatuation of new relationships, but only by finding someone new.

Why don't they just end the relationship before cheating?

1. Their partner may be refusing to let them go. They feel that they can't leave and can't be happy by staying.
2. They are unhappy and don't care about hurting the other individual by breaking the trust.



> The best response is to dump them immediately and find someone else. 95% of cheating spouses aren't worth staying married too.


In the majority of cases of cheating, the marriage has already deteriorated. What makes cheating quite difficult is the fact that most cheaters aren't exactly asking for forgiveness. As your figures indicate, there are exceptions. 

Who deserves forgiveness?

I'd say that individuals attempt to forgive the cheater, too often, because of fear of loneliness or fear of loss. The cheaters who come clean on their own are those that should be evaluated for potential forgiveness. Begging the cheater to stay or making them end the affair doesn't really work, in reality.

Relationship Teacher


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

I doubt there is any sort of statistic (?), but it would be interesting to see how many relationships are actually salvaged after cheating has occurred, or does it almost always end the relationship.


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## bkyln309 (Feb 1, 2015)

Didnt read all six pages so this may have been said. Yes, Im sure Alpha Males get cheated on. I dated an Alpha Male for awhile. Can I say that I loved many aspects of dating someone so decisive about everything but I could see why he had difficulty in marriage (he was married 25 years). He thought his way was the best way all the time.


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## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

EllisRedding said:


> I doubt there is any sort of statistic (?), but it would be interesting to see how many relationships are actually salvaged after cheating has occurred, or does it almost always end the relationship.


I didn't read the referenced study, but apparently there is some data:

"In yet another study, more than 25 percent of the women said that their husbands' unfaithfulness was a factor in their divorce. Less than half as many men – around 10.5 percent - said it was their wives' infidelity which was a cause of their divorce. In fact, at 11.6 percent, more men said that their wives' in-laws were a reason for the divorce than said it was because their wives had had an affair."

Marriages that End in Divorce After an Affair - Statistics | Futurescopes.com


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

technovelist said:


> I didn't read the referenced study, but apparently there is some data:
> 
> "In yet another study, more than 25 percent of the women said that their husbands' unfaithfulness was a factor in their divorce. Less than half as many men – around 10.5 percent - said it was their wives' infidelity which was a cause of their divorce. In fact, at 11.6 percent, more men said that their wives' in-laws were a reason for the divorce than said it was because their wives had had an affair."
> 
> Marriages that End in Divorce After an Affair - Statistics | Futurescopes.com


That is interesting that more men stated the in laws as a bigger factor in divorce vs an affair lol. Guess it's a good thing my inlaws live 4 hours away :grin2:


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## gouge_away (Apr 7, 2015)

EllisRedding said:


> That is interesting that more men stated the in laws as a bigger factor in divorce vs an affair lol. Guess it's a good thing my inlaws live 4 hours away :grin2:


They didn't take account for the men that were banging the SIL, lol


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

gouge_away said:


> They didn't take account for the men that were banging the SIL, lol


SIL = Son In Law???


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## gouge_away (Apr 7, 2015)

Oh lol, sister in law


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## BrokenLady (Jan 19, 2015)

This is such a strange, strange world! 

Don't people just meet, fall in love & share their lives anymore? I never once considered what kind of provider a man would be. I wanted to own my own little house with a pretty garden for my cats to play in so I worked hard, studied hard & saved money to achieve that. 

I earnt about twice as much money as my husband did. My H is a gentle, thoughtful, computer geek. He's never been sporty or controlling. I guess he'd be called a beta man. (I'm not expert on this whole alpha/beta thing.) he couldn't drive when we met but I had a good company car so it never mattered. 

Before I met my husband I did find it hard to meet men that I liked. I only ever dated friends or friends of friends that I got to know first. My boyfriends said that I was intimidating & impossible to approach before they got to know me. 
It was very hard for me! I'd walk in somewhere & the men who would hit on me were never the kind I liked. I guess you'd call them alpha...oozing confidence, 6-pack, bragging about their cars & money ugh! I hated that!

Why do men think that tall, pretty ladies want flashy, pushy, arrogant men? I was very close to my grandad growing-up. He was a truly lovely, gentle man. He would cry at adverts or news reports of abused animals & children. I guess that influenced me. 
I used to get upset that only horrible men hit on men & the nice, soft guys I liked never spoke to me. I've always been pretty shy with strangers. I thought that there was something wrong with me!!

My only close girl friends who divorced left because they felt bullied & unheard in their marriages. They were married to what you would call alpha men. I've never known a lady cheat or leave because their partner was too nice!

I worry that all of this alpha/beta nonsense is convincing genuinely nice men to act like a-holes just because they've had the misfortune of marrying women who don't know the meaning of love & loyalty. If you want a kind, genuine woman be a kind genuine man! 

Ladies aren't animals looking for the strongest DNA to reproduce with. I'll be the first to say I need to feel safe, secure, loved & supported but I don't mean physically or financially!! Where are you finding these women? 

I remember being asked why I was marrying my H. My fast response was, "Because he's my best friend & I fancy him like crazy!". I still think that's a pretty good reason!


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## Orange375 (Oct 20, 2015)

BrokenLady said:


> This is such a strange, strange world!
> 
> Don't people just meet, fall in love & share their lives anymore? I never once considered what kind of provider a man would be. I wanted to own my own little house with a pretty garden for my cats to play in so I worked hard, studied hard & saved money to achieve that.
> 
> ...


How old are you? I only ask because while this sounds wonderful, it doesn't sound anything, and I mean anything like women I know or have met. If you are so happy with your husband, why is your screen name broken lady? 

For the record - I would live to meet someone like you but you don't seem of this current culture.


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## gouge_away (Apr 7, 2015)

Orange375 said:


> How old are you? I only ask because while this sounds wonderful, it doesn't sound anything, and I mean anything like women I know or have met. If you are so happy with your husband, why is your screen name broken lady?
> 
> For the record - I would live to meet someone like you but you don't seem of this current culture.


Maybe she's a unicorn, and "broken" has some literary meaning like "breaking a steed."


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## Sports Fan (Aug 21, 2014)

Yes alphas get cheated on. Anyone can be cheated on. If there is enough resentment and lack of respect in a relationship than everything is possible regardless of who you are.


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## BrokenLady (Jan 19, 2015)

I've just turned 46. I'm from England but have been living in the USA (South) for awhile. When I say friends I mean English & American ladies. I'm quite isolated so I don't know a huge number of people. 

Do you think its members here being through divorces, cheating, issues etc. that make the general consensus very different? I'm not convinced what's 'normal' & what's not. I've met some people with appalling behavior in my life but very few & they were always recognized as being very different from 'normal' people.

Is it really this cynical for so many? It's terrible. 


My name just popped into my head when I joined. My H was having an EA with a woman he cheated with a long time ago. Heart breaking. Faith questioning. Desperate devastation. Broken.


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## BrokenLady (Jan 19, 2015)

Maybe I'm the one who's too beta to garner respect & deserve loyalty & cherishing. Does it work the other way around? Can women be too laid-back to respect? Do men really want the drama? Hahaha.


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## Spotthedeaddog (Sep 27, 2015)

the guy said:


> Cheating is a wayward's choice.....the betrayed has nothing to do with the choices their wayward makes.


not true. treat your partner poorly, ignore them, put them in a place where they are respected by people who spend time with them, where there are resource and status available, and they are very likely to stray.

same person treated the other way around, given respect, attention, not ignored, in the company of average or less people; very unlikely to be woo'd away or to seek alternatives.


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

marduk said:


> I've long since moved on from the alpha/beta nonsense, however I have a buddy that is about as alpha as one can get.
> 
> Own business, lots of $, natural leader, fit, strong, confident...
> 
> ...



:iagree::iagree: A person shows their true strength in their ability to overcome adversity. A truly resilient person sometimes can not avoid getting knocked down but its how they get up that shows their true character. YOUR personality can not make another person loyal or ethical but it can help you in dealing with such wretched folks.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

BetrayedDad said:


> My life experience.
> 
> MANY of these women never truly were "in love" with their husbands to begin with. They were either convenient (ie the man pursued her and she never had to put much effort into the relationship, essentially male lapdogs) or they were useful to them (ie they could provided her with a good life style, security blankets).


I truly believe that the "special friend " that my (future) husband had hanging around when I met him would have been capable of that. She was on again off again with him to the point that he called her "mercurial." I think it's because she knew she had a good man "marriage material" but he didn't light her fire. Plus, at the age of 29, she probably thought she had a few more good years before she really needed to settle down.

I think about the profile of an "alpha woman." Some people want to say that she's necessarily successful in her professional life. I don't agree since personal relationships are a completely different dynamic and men are less concerned with the amount a woman makes. 

A secretary can be more "alpha" in personal relationships than a successful corporate lawyer. Although I do think that there are some non monetary measures of "prestige." For example, I notice that media would like to remind us that Marco Rubio married the cheerleader from university. Oh, ok, that will make a great First Lady.


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## gouge_away (Apr 7, 2015)

NextTimeAround said:


> For example, I notice that media would like to remind us that Marco Rubio married the cheerleader from university. Oh, ok, that will make a great First Lady.


I find it more interesting that the media believes there is a segment of the US population that has such proclivity to vote based on first lady status.

Maybe the media is far more understanding of the minds of modern-american-women than we give credit for.

With the exception of the Clintonians, I don't think men cared one iota how their vote qualified or disqualified any spouses for or from such vanity.

Hmm, maybe there is a connection there?


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## RWB (Feb 6, 2010)

LosingHim said:


> I cheated because I had zero boundaries, don't know how to properly deflect advances and l*et a mans smooth words validate me rather than seeing my own self worth and the value of my marriage.
> *
> In my case it had nothing to do with my husband being alpha or beta, but everything to do with who I was.* How I validated my worth and trying to constantly please people.*
> 
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Exactly my WW. I heard those exact words. Spooky.


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

RWB said:


> Exactly my WW. I heard those exact words. Spooky.


The people might be different but the script is the same...


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

OP I'm glad you posted because it seems many men on TAM struggle with their identity.

I'm older (53) so I don't think my generation had those issues. At least from my perspective, being a high quality man and finding a high quality woman were not difficult concepts.

Forget the media. Forget blogs and the oprahs of the world. Forget what the women tell you (what you hear that is) and what your bros say.

It's pretty simple. The man is the leader and backbone of the family. Leadership implies decisiveness - but includes input and consideration. Being a backbone means providing financial strength, a home, funding for education, tools (pots and pans and drills) to maintain the household, protecting the family from all predators and risks, and showing unambiguous strength. If you're 5'8" and someone 6'4" is menacing, your wife is concerned about the damage you will sustain but is not concerned for herself because she knows you will protect her with everything you have.

He listens and asks. He looks in her eyes when she's talking and repeats back things (wrong half the time) to show his interest in her. And he is interested in her. He adores her and tells her. He encourages her to have friends and relationships, but watched everyone (men and women) like a hawk to be sure the friendships are marriage safe and non-toxic. 

He states his needs and asks hers. Has clear boundaries and sticks to them. Has a three strikes rule for some things and zero tolerance for others. He creates a safe house where love can thrive.

He allows his wife and children to exhibit these same qualities and share in the responsibilities if they want. But he does not abdicate them.

Gthe raises respectful children who aren't afraid to make decisions or question authority.

These qualities will take you far in life. Your spouse will love and respect you, and if the respect wanes, these qualities will help identify and resolve the issues.

Sounds old fashioned but these qualities are timeless and they in no way diminish a woman's prerogative to have the same or completely opposite qualities. A man can be gentle and have these qualities (gentle with a backbone) or aggressive (****y but sensitive). The alpha / beta thing is a superficial overlay on basic qualities.

These qualities define your character. Character guides your actions and response when the chips are down and when no ones looking.

MOST women will be attracted to a man with these qualities.

Look for a sweetheart who adores you and you're done.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

spotthedeaddog said:


> not true. treat your partner poorly, ignore them, put them in a place where they are respected by people who spend time with them, where there are resource and status available, and they are very likely to stray.
> 
> same person treated the other way around, given respect, attention, not ignored, in the company of average or less people; very unlikely to be woo'd away or to seek alternatives.



I read enough thread were the betrayed spouse was blindsided by the cheating....doing everything right and loving only to be cruched.

If one is such an @ss whole then the abuses spouse can just leave....divorce and walk out of the marriage with honor.......then go find a partner that will treat them right. It's the poor betrayed spouse that is loving that gets crushed the most....at least in my case I saw it coming.....or expected it.....Mrs the-guy should have left me but again there are alot of fine and loving folks that get phucked over by there POS deceitful spouses.

I mean all I'm saying is don't sign a contract and make verbal promises in front of family and friends and then stab the spouse in the back when they aren't looking.

I say have the balls to look a spouse in the face and tell them [like Matt Matt's wife did] you are done....don't go and hide like some coward so one can get the attention any red blooded human deserves. 

The choice is simple 1) sneak off and be a liar or 2) have some honor and tell your spouse you are done with the marriage.....

How complicated is that?:grin2:





Ya easier said then done....if it was that easy this forum would not even exist!!!


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

NextTimeAround said:


> Some of the old timers here might remember the long running thread of a woman (the thread ended up in the private section so I won't mention her name) who had a little afternoon delight one day and was so overwhelmed with guilt that she immediately told her husband.
> 
> She had described him as the alpha type. And his response was a swift separation. I think a little bit of couples counseling and then he went ahead and divorced her.
> 
> ...


*
Tears*. 

She was a good lady. I felt bad for her because she was one of the few truly remorseful waywards we've had on here who really "got it". 

Last she reported she and her ex were dating again, but she has not resurfaced in a long time.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

First thing run very fast and never look back..
Second thing she was trying to get something sexual going in the bar with the pilot guy to see your reaction. Also to see if you would be into it.

You have to start believing in yourself again.
Good night, get mad about it then get over it and move on...

Good luck.. Never believe a thing she says...


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## person123 (Jan 12, 2016)

First, I would recommend marriedredpill, not regular red pill, for married men.

Second, the short answer is there is no way to completely prevent cheating. Red pill is not meant to prevent affairs in any case. It is meant to improve sex life and relationships.

While cheating is morally wrong, and most people do not cheat, the urge to do so is wired into us. If you read Sperm Wars, you will see that 90% of sperm is not designed to fertilize but rather, they're designed for the sole purpose of killing sperm from other men. And women are most likely to cheat during ovulation, and the rate of conception is much higher with their AP.

(A significant minority, perhaps almost 50% of people, do cheat though.)

TRP will reduce the likelihood of cheating in some instances, and will certainly help you cope with a cheating spouse.

There are several different patterns of cheating. TRP will help prevent the "I love you but I'm not in love with you, and I am going to stop having sex with you because you've become boring, predictable, and a pushover so I don't respect you any more so I am going to find someone who gives me the tingles" cheating. It will stop that kind of cheating right in its tracks. When a woman sees other women trying to poach her husband right in front of her, it gives her second thoughts about dumping her husband.

It won't help "I'm having a lot of sex with you because I still find you attractive but the kids are all grown up and I can take the risk of blowing up my marriage for a bit of fun because I really need someone else's sperm inside me" cheating.

By the way, there are a lot of people who disagree with TRP (though I see a lot of redpillers on this site) and that's fine. Except they probably haven't actually tried the red pill techniques. They disagree with it philosophically.

Well, I disagree with the red pill philosophically too, but... it works. It's the only thing I've found that will turn around a dead bedroom.

Now, "alpha" in TRP parlance doesn't mean a brutish meathead that swaggers around. It basically means "the opposite of a nice guy." It means:

- you don't whine, beg, and plead for sex

- you get yourself into shape, get physically strong

- you take responsibility for the quality of your marriage and relationships. You don't shift the blame to someone else.

- you get emotionally strong. you don't lean on your wife for emotional support, she leans on you


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## PreRaphaelite (Dec 15, 2012)

BrokenLady said:


> Ladies aren't animals looking for the strongest DNA to reproduce with. I'll be the first to say I need to feel safe, secure, loved & supported but I don't mean physically or financially!! Where are you finding these women?


You'll never convince some of the posters here on that one. All human behavior boils down to evolutionary biology. 

The idea that the primary motivation people have--yes and that includes women--for desiring someone for sex may not for the sake of reproduction but for pleasure that doesn't have any definite end to it other than feeling good still seems like a novel idea around here.


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## Spotthedeaddog (Sep 27, 2015)

Orange375 said:


> I have been doing a lot of reading about cheating since it has happened to me a few different times, and I am starting to think a lot of it has to do with my behavior / personality.


There's your mistake.

It's not about you.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

spotthedeaddog said:


> There's your mistake.
> 
> It's not about you.


I think it could be both.

People who have loose boundaries practically encourage others to walk all over them.

this is said by a person who used to have loose boundaries.

My first marriage was plagued by loose boundaries with OSFs. By the time I met my second (future) husband, I had some very strong views about what I will and will not accept in a relationship. And better still, I was also able to identify no go areas even though I had nevermet her. ie, I was able to predict a lot of things correctly about my (future) husband's special friend. And knew that as long as she was around, it would be a no win situation for me.

these were all steps that I took on my own. And now, 5 and one half years on, I am in a very happy committed marriage with the same man who once acted as if he just had to have his "only friend in London."


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## AngelHeart888 (Jun 21, 2016)

Why wouldn't they (Alpha males) get cheated on?
It's not about them. It's about the cheater.


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## knobcreek (Nov 18, 2015)

This guy got cheated on:










In his case he beat the poor woman senseless.

Plenty of wealthy men, famous men, politicians, athletes etc... get cheated on, and most exhibit alpha male qualities.

There isn't really an 'alpha male' we're not a pack of wolves, it's a spectrum with no one truly alpha or truly beta but a mix of the two over a large spectrum. A well rounded man needs to have some qualities of both.



Orange375 said:


> I have been doing a lot of reading about cheating since it has happened to me a few different times, and I am starting to think a lot of it has to do with my behavior / personality.


More than likely it's your picker not your personality. You keep picking lousy women and repeating the same mistakes.


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## JohnA (Jun 24, 2015)

Read @Hantei thread. It is clear the guy is alpha and his wife did commint adultery. His response was clearly Alpha and he is handling it like a true alpha. She is gone, no yelling, no demeaning, as deceptive Joe Friday would say, just the facts please, only the facts and he moved on.

His refusal to allow his WS actions define him, but instead used his reaction to her adultery to define himself is the act of an alpha.


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## TX-SC (Aug 25, 2015)

I think the alpha and beta dichotomy is just way over hyped. I think people just love labelling things. The reality is that there are so many variations in personalities that it's impossible to simply lump them into two groups. Some of us are "alpha" about some things and "beta" about others. When it comes to protecting my family, I am very alpha. When it comes to letting my wife get the last word, I'm sometimes beta. Why, because her happiness is more important than winning an argument. 

I have been cheated on three times. The first time was my first REAL girlfriend. We dated for 2.5 years. She was my first partner (sex). She cheated and begged forgiveness. I declined and we broke up. 

The second cheater cheated on me with another girl in college. I forgave her. Then she gave some random dude a BJ because he played guitar. I broke up with her after that and took up guitar. 

The third was my fiancée. She went to a European country to study during college. She cheated and I found out about it. I called off the wedding and we broke up. There were many tears shed by both of us, but who in their right mind would marry a confirmed cheater??? 

So, I gave one of them a second chance and it bit me in the butt. 

I have now been married for 20 years. No infidelity by either of us. She knows that if she cheats, we'll be done. I have also been told that if I cheat, she'll divorce me. So, we know where we stand.


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## WonkyNinja (Feb 28, 2013)

Orange375 said:


> 4) where does religion and morals come into play in all this?
> 5) why has society driven such feminism and devalued the masculine man?


I'm not going to waste my time on any of the Alpha male or red pill BS but to the two questions above:

4. I'm an athiest. I have no belief whatsoever in any form of a god, deity, higher power or whatever you might want to call it. I respect others and their right to decide how to live their own lives without affecting mine. I don't like or dislike others because of their beliefs, sexuality, gender identity but by how they conduct themselves and treat their fellow citizens. I believe that I have a strong moral compass and it isn't driven by any fear of what may or may not be in any form of afterlife.

5. I don't believe that feminism has in any way shape or form devalued the masculine man. The only way the masculine man can be devalued by feminism is if he fears women as his intellectual peers. 
I believe that we have evolved from ape society and a man that thinks aggression and chest beating make him valued has failed to evolve intellectually.
I am married to a strong feminist and really hope that my daughter will continue to grow up with similar views. 
Feminism doesn't make women into man haters it empowers women to make their own decisions as equals in this society. Feminists don't hate sex, far from it. They see sex as something that they take equal part in and should derive equal enjoyment from , not something that they give up or do for their partner.

Just my opinion.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

What is your definition of Alpha Male, if it Red Pills then I don't really think they have relationships to begin with. Their SOs are trophies anyway. Relationships require vulnerability and faith, most of the bad things I read in Red Pill Philosophy have to do with removing all that. 

No matter who their SO is people cheat because they are selfish and broken. That's it. So that means if you meet the right one she can cheat. People still cheat when there is the thret of stoning, so you think some guy "holding frame" is going to stop a truly broken person from cheating? All Red Pill does is teach guys to play on certain woman's insecurities. I personally think the fact that a woman falls for this means she is already insecure and insecure people are a much bigger risk when it comes to potential cheating. 

The bottom line is there is no way to guarantee you can prevent someone from cheating on you. You must get to a place where you are confident enough to know that though you will be hurt you will overcome it an be alright.


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## bigfoot (Jan 22, 2014)

In just answering the question posted, the answer is: "YES" the so called "alpha" gets cheated on. In pro sports, guys have been cheated on, cops have been cheated on, soldiers in combat, type A personalities, etc. No one is immune from being a victim. This whole classification of and glorification of so called "alphas" is like a cult. Sheesh!

In college, I was hooking up with a starting power forward's girlfriend. He was big, hung, strong, and an "alpha" as that term is used. Still, I was getting that girl on the regular and she was calling me. Not proud, but just saying.

I think the issue is how you respond. Some folks want their family intact sooo bad that they will suffer through whatever it takes to keep that goal. An intact family is part of their identity, so they will eat crap and accept more. Some don't want their kids to grow up in a so called "broken home" because they did. Some don't like the idea of "losing". For some, the marriage is a possession, and they are not giving it up. For some, they are just scared. I mean the list is endless. It has nothing to do with Alpha or beta or gamma or sigma six or whatever greek letter you use.

I have known so called Betas to walk away. They just said, "screw it" and left. Hardly fought in the divorce, and just got out with practically only the clothes on their backs. 

I think it is the just like folks who stay in bad marriages. Why stay? I mean marriages unaffected by infidelity. They fight, argue, lead different lives, etc., still, they stay.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Pure alphas are azzholes.
Pure betas are doormats.
There is a time and place for each behavior set. Not all females need the same mix.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

weightlifter said:


> Pure alphas are azzholes.
> Pure betas are doormats.
> There is a time and place for each behavior set. Not all females need the same mix.


To me a real alpha is a guy who is proactive in his own life. Period.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

A "pure" alpha wouldn't really be heartbroken but would probably kill the OM just to make it clear to all the other betas he is the top dog and nobody takes what he has. In real life there are not really any pure alpha males, we all have beta qualities to some degree or another, and if there were any pure alphas they'd be locked away in short order.

As for the strong masculine leader type of male that society places a high value on and which many men strive to be and which many women strive to be with, and which gets ascribed the label "alpha", well of course that man cares if his spouse cheated on him - he is the integrated man that blends the best mix of all kinds of qualities... he will cry and grieve and then he will heal and move on and be stronger then ever having learned the hard lesson and using it to become an even better person.


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## GTdad (Aug 15, 2011)

sokillme said:


> To me a real alpha is a guy who is proactive in his own life.


And kills Nazis.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

WonkyNinja said:


> I'm not going to waste my time on any of the Alpha male or red pill BS but to the two questions above:
> 
> 4. I'm an athiest. I have no belief whatsoever in any form of a god, deity, higher power or whatever you might want to call it. I respect others and their right to decide how to live their own lives without affecting mine. I don't like or dislike others because of their beliefs, sexuality, gender identity but by how they conduct themselves and treat their fellow citizens. I believe that I have a strong moral compass and it isn't driven by any fear of what may or may not be in any form of afterlife.
> 
> ...


Snap!

I am one of those (atheist) and am likewise happily married to another one of those (Feminist).


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## sapientia (Nov 24, 2012)

Interesting thread. Isn't this more about values, especially Loyalty? Alpha/beta labels don't matter, only the value set that someone requires.

Someone who is extremely successful, but has some 'beta' qualities (high EQ?) can quickly dump someone who betrays them if Loyalty is part of their must-have value set in a partner.


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