# Almost 5 months of separation...Extreme Anxiety



## amahoy1971 (Nov 12, 2012)

Summary:
Husband working overseas 10 months, me and my teens going back and forth to visit, he came every month to visit us too.
Nov 3 "I don't love you"
Nov 4 he travels to the island again
Nov 5 " I think I find a way we can work things out..renew our vows blah blah"
Nov 10 back home
Nov 10- March 22 H behaving very well, being very nice, lovely to all of us.
Jan 4 : I found foto with He and a woman in her facebook...Explanation: "she is a coworker...just a photo in a party"
March 23: I was looking for my passport I found a list, his handwriting...He slept with 6 prostitutes, 2 ONS, 1 the woman in the FB picture.
March: 25 I kicked him out...til now living out of our home.
Suddenly I am the love of his life, he will change.
What he is doing?: Gave up alcohol, No more porn (he claims is this the cause), he is going to Sex addiction counsellor and attend program for that in clinic. No contact letter. Wrote bad review of her job performance. Scheduling vasectomy (I wanted this long time ago now I don't care)
He has been begging me to come back every day: crying, temper tantrums, letters, texts, promises, etc...
May 9 finally I discovered the woman in FB was a prost and secretary with he lived for 2 weeks, gave her gifts, appliances and rent. he sweared she blackmail him.
He did oral sex to her.
July: I hire PI to verify if her profession and length of the relationship....yes this was truth.
Aug 12. Writing a timeline..I learned that after he told me that he didn't love me on Nov 3, he traveled there and passed the whole day with the Ho.
The thought that he did not care about me being in tears and shattered after disclose to me that he didn't love me and go there and screw that woman again that day make me to take the decision that I don't need more time or space to think anything.
I have appointment with mediator next week, I don't want reconciliation.
It is too much.
He is at the verge to have a breakdown. manipulating me with this tantrums. I hope his therapist help him tomorrow.

How can I get through this without so much drama from his part???


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## smallsteps (Feb 23, 2013)

amahoy1971 said:


> Summary:
> Husband working overseas 10 months, me and my teens going back and forth to visit, he came every month to visit us too.
> Nov 3 "I don't love you"
> Nov 4 he travels to the island again
> ...


Stop contact with him, go dark. Worry about yourself. Hire a lawyer and get to a doctor for a check up now!


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## amahoy1971 (Nov 12, 2012)

now he is saying he doesn't want to live without me...I told him go to hospital
This is emotional blackmailing

I am desperate


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

smallsteps said:


> Stop contact with him, go dark. Worry about yourself. Hire a lawyer and get to a doctor for a check up now!


:iagree:

Ultimately, you can't control his behavior; you can only control your own behavior and how you react to him. He's going to do whatever the heck he wants - that's what he's been doing all along, hasn't it? I know that's a hard pill to swallow, but once you do, this will get easier.


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## amahoy1971 (Nov 12, 2012)

You are right..he will have to do what he needs to do
Once I took my decision I feel relief inside. No more limbo


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## northernlights (Sep 23, 2012)

amahoy1971 said:


> now he is saying he doesn't want to live without me...I told him go to hospital
> This is emotional blackmailing


I find this a little bit worrisome. Has he ever been violent before? Does he have a gun? I'm worried that he might be a threat to you and/or your kids. If you think there's any potential for violence, don't let him into your house without other people present.

Either way, definitely stop responding to him. You don't owe him anything. It's all manipulation, and you deserve better than that.


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## amahoy1971 (Nov 12, 2012)

We went to mediation, we cried. the mediator suggested separation counseling too. 
tomorrow is the second session, not sure about "in house" separation.
we don't have money now to afford two places. He wants to give me the house and help with extra expenses, he knows I cannot pay this house on my own. well tomorrow we will know if maybe I can.
after the meeting I couldn't stop crying. but I felt a relief...I was 5 months in limbo. 
now just we have to wait 7 months to file the divorce.
everybody says to me not rush yet.
But how can I live with the fact that my dear husband was "living"with a prostitute?? How???
My self esteem at times is very very low. I just look myself in the mirror, What the f...he saw in those women...
last night I had a nightmare...he telling me he had sex with 3 people in the park "randomly" I just woke up crying...thinking "randomly" 
I am traumatized.


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