# Fighting for my Marriage



## greenbean (Aug 23, 2010)

So I'd like to start out by saying that this is the first time I've ever done anything like this - post my business for all to see. But at this point I will try anything. My husband and I have been having problems for awhile now and it seems to have gotten to an all time low. I feel it's important for me to try and give some background but I'll try to sum it up.

We've been together for 6 years and married for 4. we had a failytale meeting and wedding. we have a 15 month old daughter. Like I said before, things have been difficult for awhile. My H has an addiction to pornography, one that I was aware of before we got married and was willing to deal with because he was actively getting help. After getting married I feel that my H began to withdraw more and more. He is often very busy with his career and other social things he has going on and I often feel like he puts those things before me and his family. I am someone that wears my heart on my sleeve and I can admit that I haven't been easy to live with over the past few years either. I tend to be vocal about my needs and wants not being met and this usually results in my husband withdrawing and ignoring me more. Things got even worse about a year and a half ago when I was 6 months pregnant. I discovered at that time that my husband had been harboring feelings for another women that he worked with for sometime. Since then, the trust in our marriage has been nonexistant. We have been to several different counselors and still nothing seems to be getting any better and infact seems to be getting worse. It is at the point where I am begging my husband to talk to me and spend time with me and let's try to love each other again and all he can say is that he wants to be left alone. But the difficult thing is that he says that he loves me and our daughter and does not want a divorce and has no intention of ever being with this other women (she knows nothing of his feelings). I love my husband very much and I have tried everything from ignoring him to reading the Love Dare book and I'm not even all that religous. 

I just dont know how to get his attention anymore and wish I could make him fall back in love with me again. Any advice from men and women alike would be appreciated!


----------



## HappyHer (Nov 12, 2009)

You say he has been harboring feelings for this other woman, but what broke the trust? The other woman isn't even aware of his feelings, so he obviously isn't having an affair.

You mentioned you realize you've been hard to live with. My guess is - stop being hard to live with. 

Also, quit begging him. He's distanced himself from you and you continue to pursue him. He gets assurance and to feel loved from that pursuit, but you get nothing. The only way to get unstuck from that dynamic is stop pursuing him. That can be very hard, but just stop. 

Work on yourself to become happy and create a fulfilling life. Be nice and loving, but don't pursue him. First, he will distance himself more as he'll feel like if he does that, that you'll once again start your pursuit. He may even get upset and may not even quite know why, although we'll know it's because you are upsetting the apple cart of where things are currently at. After this, he will start to come back around and pursue you. If not, it's time to insist on counseling.


----------



## galaxy (Jun 14, 2010)

You should try and get what he exactly wants from you and then see things from his point of view. Be satisfied with a middle point for the time being and things will work out from there if you are really interested.


----------



## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Get the Love Buster and Emotional Needs questionnaires from marriagebuilders.com and both of you fill them out. Share the information. Learn what to do and what not to do.


----------

