# feel like I'm dying



## NewtoThisMarriageThing (Oct 17, 2012)

Hey everyone, thanks for reading. 

My husband and I have been married for ten months. I am 25, he is 32. Well, he has made a habit out of leaving everytime we argue or he decides to make something i say a huge deal. He leaves for hours on end to strip clubs and bars. He will come back whenever he feels like it and completely ignores my calls. He does it about once a month. The longest he's gone has been about 2.5 months. At first, he would accept blame and ask for forgiveness, say he wasn't going to drink or do that anymore. Now, he blames it on me. He doesn't apologize, he says its my fault because of how i am. This is how I am: I have a constant fear of him leaving and doing this what he does best. So sometimes i overreact and say he's up to something when he acts weird (like not answer the phone for a long time when i know he's capable). He then says he doesn't want to go.home to me and goes off bar hopping. 

I've packed a suitcase and have decided to stay at a hotel the rest of the week. I'm not going to pay any bills (I pay everything until he remembers we have bills). I feel like I'm mentally abused and have been brought to a low level. I constantly feel like its my fault. I'm to the point that he says something he likes on a woman and off I go looking for that n trying to get it to please him. But he still leaves, he still talks mean to me, still yells, still makes me feel unworthy. 

My husband is two different people. When he's good, he's great. But when he's bad, he's horrible. I can't ever get.over the bad though its been swept under the rug time n time again. I always move on just in hopes of having his love. 

He pulled the strip club, bar thing two days ago. Got home at 4am. Came back n if i bring anything up he alternates between saying its my fault or asking me if I'm trying to start a problem. I'm so lost. Please help. I would really like male answers. What am i doing wrong? What can i be doing wrong? 

Ps we don't have children together. He has two children who are my step n i love dearly. He was never married before.
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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

How long did you date before you got married? What was he like then? And you say the longest he's been gone is 2.5 months, but you've only been married for 10. How long has he been gone altogether?

My thoughts... Write this off as a really bad decision, and learn from it. But just get out. 

C
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## NewtoThisMarriageThing (Oct 17, 2012)

We didn't really date. We had a great friendship for about a year. He used to do the same thing but not really over arguing. But not as often. I feel like he's creating excuses to go out and drink. Altogether, he's done this about seven times during our marriage.
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## MSP (Feb 9, 2012)

PBear said:


> How long did you date before you got married? What was he like then? And you say the longest he's been gone is 2.5 months, but you've only been married for 10. How long has he been gone altogether?
> 
> My thoughts... Write this off as a really bad decision, and learn from it. But just get out.
> 
> ...


I think she meant that he once went 2.5 months without walking out after an argument.


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## NewtoThisMarriageThing (Oct 17, 2012)

Yes that's what i meant. Ty
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## Memento (Aug 23, 2012)

What you are doing wrong is that you are letting him break you down. He knows what he is doing is wrong. And he also is counting on your feelings to just keep you around but, on HIS terms.

Walk away. Show that you mean business and give him YOUR terms. If he is not willing to listen, adopt the lifestyle of a married man and recognize that he has a big problem, then you need to find a more permanent solution.

1


NewtoThisMarriageThing said:


> Hey everyone, thanks for reading.
> 
> My husband and I have been married for ten months. I am 25, he is 32. Well, he has made a habit out of leaving everytime we argue or he decides to make something i say a huge deal. He leaves for hours on end to strip clubs and bars. He will come back whenever he feels like it and completely ignores my calls. He does it about once a month. The longest he's gone has been about 2.5 months. At first, he would accept blame and ask for forgiveness, say he wasn't going to drink or do that anymore. Now, he blames it on me. He doesn't apologize, he says its my fault because of how i am. This is how I am: I have a constant fear of him leaving and doing this what he does best. So sometimes i overreact and say he's up to something when he acts weird (like not answer the phone for a long time when i know he's capable). He then says he doesn't want to go.home to me and goes off bar hopping.
> 
> ...


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## NewtoThisMarriageThing (Oct 17, 2012)

Ty! I think u hit the nail on the head. He's counting on my feelings to keep me around. Ok so I'm staying at a hotel starting today and I'm going to detach myself. But what do i do when he keeps saying I'm being a drama queen n causing a problem? What if he doesn't own up to anything? 

I sound so helpless, its making me sick


UOTE=Memento;2493817]What you are doing wrong is that you are letting him break you down. He knows what he is doing is wrong. And he also is counting on your feelings to just keep you around but, on HIS terms.

Walk away. Show that you mean business and give him YOUR terms. If he is not willing to listen, adopt the lifestyle of a married man and recognize that he has a big problem, then you need to find a more permanent solution.

1[/QUOTE]
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## Memento (Aug 23, 2012)

Talk to him, without the drama, no crying, nothing. Show him that you mean every word that is coming out of your mouth. Be assertive. 

If you give in and chase him, he will lose any respect for you.



NewtoThisMarriageThing said:


> Ty! I think u hit the nail on the head. He's counting on my feelings to keep me around. Ok so I'm staying at a hotel starting today and I'm going to detach myself. But what do i do when he keeps saying I'm being a drama queen n causing a problem? What if he doesn't own up to anything?
> 
> I sound so helpless, its making me sick
> 
> ...


_Posted via Mobile Device_[/QUOTE]


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