# we just got married a month ago..and i want out...



## choco2005

:scratchhead: we only been married for three months and i want out....and this is why

1. he is not motivated to do anything besides sleep on the weekend unless his family have something planned
2. he doesn't enjoy spending time with my family - i feel like i force him and after an hour or 2 he is ready to go
3. he holds grudges for 2-3 days after an argument which then brings more tension in the household
4. he says things like " you nice to everyone else except me", "you can cook for everybody else party and not for home", "oh let me guess your going out again", " you need to clean up, you are junkie" - he is very abusive verbally
5. he doesn't like to really travel if it's not with his family pretty much

 as for me I am confused

1. I am a very motivated and positive person
2. I spend MAJOR time with his family going above and beyond and never putting a time limit on it
3. yeah we might argue but I get over it and keep it moving... i know that there will be times where we disagree and I totally understand that:iagree:
4. I try to keep negative comments away from the relationship because it only hurts 
5. I love to travel with my family and his

 what I listed is just a short example that shows we are not compatible - we been together for 5 years married for 1 month WTH???? we don't have sex often and we don't kiss like those nice looooooooooooong juicy I love you type kisses... it's always a peck here and there but no true emotions behind it.... 

I hope I was able to paint a picture


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## choco2005

we only been married for one month and I want out... sorry about that typo


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## tacoma

You`ve been with him for 5 years and you didn`t know this is what he is like?

I don`t get it.


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## that_girl

tacoma said:


> You`ve been with him for 5 years and you didn`t know this is what he is like?
> 
> I don`t get it.


Right? :iagree::scratchhead: I don't get it at all!

Did you think marriage would magically change him? Did you look at these things at ALL before marriage?

Why not talk to him and say things need to change? Why did you get married...what were your reasons?

Is there someone else?


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## choco2005

I can see why you probably don't get it my story was short

we dated long distance for about a year of the 5 and when I moved back home to be with him we didn't move in together until year 4 so we only really lived together for 1 year before marriage .... now during all this time we were just boyfriend / girlfriend i didn't see it as being that serious then the engagement came....( and I really wanted to get married - i practically changed my living situation... we had been together for 5 years....) so we started planning the wedding our mind was in a totally different space

now after being married it just isn't the same from when we were dating and I didn't back out because then I felt obligated to go thru with it.... between family and friends I felt I couldn't let them down


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## that_girl

Well, that's your fault then. Marrying someone out of obligation will put you in the spot you're in.

You still knew him long enough to know whether he was marriage material. I knew my Hubs was marriage material after a month of dating lol. 

So, you now want out...then get out! I mean, you don't seem to want to even try to work on it, so set this man free to find someone who loves him for who he is. And don't marry ebcause you don't want to let other people down. It's not their life...it's yours. They don't care what you do...you'll be gossip for a week or so. But YOU have to live with your decisions, as you are finding out.


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## choco2005

that_girl said:


> Right? :iagree::scratchhead: I don't get it at all!
> 
> Did you think marriage would magically change him? Did you look at these things at ALL before marriage?
> 
> Why not talk to him and say things need to change? Why did you get married...what were your reasons?
> 
> Is there someone else?


I didn't think marriage would change him but I thought it would be a little better

I have talked to him and also I went to therapy for myself to find ways to better deal with his reactions to certain things 

I got married because I do love him and he has been there thru good and bad, also he is very family oriented and our morals on life are the same, we both believe in GOD and have fun together when hanging out but when we are home it's different he likes it cold and I like it hot

No there is not someone else


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## rrrbbbttt

If you want to save your marriage you better go to a MC.

Also not wanting to disappoint people and get married is a real lame excuse and show a lack of maturity on your part. How about divorce, do you think that will disappoint people?

Sorry living together and then thinking he/she will change after the document is signed is living in LA LA Land. 

You both need to grow up.


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## that_girl

I think just chill for a while. Go do what you do...if he doesn't want to join you, then still go.

If you bring GOD into this, then leaving your husband shouldn't be an issue.


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## PBear

You were able to paint a picture, but it's a picture that seems should have been obvious before you got married. Especially if you lived with him for a year.

If I was in your shoes, I think I'd sit down with him with your list, and say that you both need to work on things. If not, call it a day. But if nothing else comes out of your marriage, learn from your mistake. Because getting married and assuming your partner is going to magically be a better person for you is a very unrealistic dream.

Btw, have you been married one month, or three? Not that it matters too much... And for Pete's sake, don't get pregnant until you're sure things are in a much better place!

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl

People do change after marriage. With my first husband I was with him for about 2 years before we got married. We did everything together. After we married everything changed. And I mean the week after we married. We never did anything together until it was something his parents scheduled.. which was not that often. I loved his family and mine... so I spent a lot of time with both of them.

But I almost never saw my husband. He was out partying with his friends all the time. There were times when he would just disappear for two weeks at a time. 

People have a picture in their minds of what marriage is about and what being a husband/wife is about. So once they marry they change their behavior to mimic what their picture of the marital role is. I'll bet that your husband's father is just like he is to his wife and family.

My suggestion is that you write him a letter telling him what the problem is and what you need to change in the relationship. Then if he will not do it, you move on. This is a typical bait and switch situation from the sounds of it.

Take a look at the books listed in my signature block below for building a passionate marriage. They can give you a guideline of what works.

Good luck on this.


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## accept

You dont mention what does he want. Is he happy with you as you are.


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## annagarret

No you shouldn't leave. Does he know your thinking about separation already? He would probably be so hurt. Did you not know what marriage is? For better or worse for a lifetime. the worst thing you can do early on is play with the the D word in your mind and I have been married for 19 years. So the hubby sleeps on the couch let him, it's your couch not another women's right? So what he wants to see his family, let him .You need to loosen the noose a little. Don't get the nagging wife disease.

Try learning and reading all you can about men and marriage, it will help you sort through all your feelings. Dr. Gray, Dr. Leman, Dr. Dobson and Dr. Laura are all great authors to begin with. Look at your new marriage as a challenge to be the best wife you can to a man who chose YOU over all other women. Cherish him!!!!

Blessings


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## Jellybeans

Talk to him and tell him you want out and tell him why.

Either work on it together or get an annullment. 

Posts like these really make me think I would never remarry.


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## annagarret

NO dont leave....stick it out, gosh you got marrried to him if you left him it would be partly your fault. you knew him before marriage, and gosh do you want to be a statistic?????


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## tacoma

annagarret said:


> NO dont leave....stick it out, gosh you got marrried to him if you left him it would be partly your fault. you knew him before marriage, and gosh do you want to be a statistic?????


I`d rather be a statistic than miserable.

What`s the point of staying in a bad relationship that isn`t going to get any better?

Just to avoid divorce?

I`d welcome divorce.


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## Jellybeans

Well said, Tacoma.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## alphaomega

I see a lot of "woulda, coulda, shoulda" posts in this thread. Not very constructive. 

First off, there's nothing wrong with how you feel. They are YOUR emotions and emotions aren't wrong. They just are. 

Second, I too would rather be a statistic than miserable. 

Now, if you truly want out, then go get a lawyer or see about an annulment is possible. But coming to that decision of course is something that you have to decide.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Marcis74

nicly said 

I think there is a lot of nit picking going on here and not too much constructive talk. 

Lets all blame the victim. 

I know someone who felt the same way tried to fix the marriage by having a baby and then ended up in a worse situation. 

sometimes people plan their weddings and spend a lot of time doing that and then forget to plan the marriage. 

I would be talking to my spouse about my concerns, and then waying up the pros and cons of divorce


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## KanDo

choco2005 said:


> :scratchhead: we only been married for three months and i want out....and this is why
> 
> 1. he is not motivated to do anything besides sleep on the weekend unless his family have something planned
> 2. he doesn't enjoy spending time with my family - i feel like i force him and after an hour or 2 he is ready to go
> 3. he holds grudges for 2-3 days after an argument which then brings more tension in the household
> 4. he says things like " you nice to everyone else except me", "you can cook for everybody else party and not for home", "oh let me guess your going out again", " you need to clean up, you are junkie" - he is very abusive verbally
> 5. he doesn't like to really travel if it's not with his family pretty much
> 
> as for me I am confused
> 
> 
> I hope I was able to paint a picture


Wow I am confused as well.

First of all, what can you tell in a month of marriage! NOTHING! So he doesn't want to do much but sleep on the weekends. Does he work like a dog during the week? Do you have plans that he would enjoy to encourage him to do something other than sleep? Does he refuse to participate in at least some of the things you want to do?

You say he doesn't enjoy spending time with your family. Ok, so what! He didn't marry your family. He is not refusing to go from what you wrote and it doesn't appear like he is being rude while there.

He "holds a grudge for two or 3 days"! WHAT! that is not holding a grudge, it's working through being upset.

#4. I can't evaluate but do you not treat him as well as others?

#5 How much travel can you have done in 1 month of marriage!

I am going to be blunt. I think you are very childish and your complaints after one month of marriage are ridiculous. You need to work on yourself. Maybe you should call it quits because you don't seem to be wife material, given your post.

Just my opinion........


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