# My Husband Cheated With Hookers



## SlightlyDisheveled (May 19, 2011)

I know I will get mixed advice but at this point any advice is help for me. In the end "I" will be the only one deciding anyway. I suppose support is what I may be seeking. A sort of understanding that "I am not the only one." And I know I am not. 
I have only been married for six months. My husband had been cheating on me for quite some time. I found out TWO MONTHS before we were to marry. I really felt my world crash to a halt. I have never been married and I thought "this is it?" WTF? HOOKERS? MORE THEN ONE, MORE THEN THREE? And from the discovery to this day my husband (yes I married him even tough he cheated) has been an ASS! I want more then anything to leave but I cant afford to. I have no money, No family, Nothing. And he knows this! He has been the biggest jerk (don't know if I can curse here so...) 
You may be asking yourself why I decided to marry him. Well when I found out all the dirt I confronted him. He denied at first but when he saw I knew it all, as I did hire a Private Dec., he confessed. He apologized and begged me to stay. For the two months leading up to our wedding he was the most amazing husband to be! Also being very sensitive to my needs as a hurting soon to be wife. Funny thing is, as soon as we were married he CHANGED! He became an ASS. It was all my fault he cheated. (he said) I need to get over it! and not taking ownership of his damn actions. There is SO MUCH MORE! But the short of it is. I have no where to go and he knows it. So its "baby I love you" one day and "You move out, its my house" the next day. I feel so trapped. I did seek a divorce lawyer she didn't have much good news for me as we have only been married a short time. 
I can tell more of the order of things if I feel the support here is fair and not "your stupid for staying" because I feel stupid as it is staying this long. I have a great education but no one is hiring. Of course He is the working one and I am the "looking for work" one. 
I do love him. However I don't see him changing for the better. Sometimes I do see him trying, but he ALWAYS reverts back to the "old I am not accountable for my actions" person. He is smart but pretends to not know what he's doing to hurt me. He acts like he is so confused as to why I am so hurt! And ALL of this behavior happened AFTER we married! It started on our honeymoon. The last week of two weeks. He was pissed because I was "feeling hurt" over him screwing hookers!!!!!! Oh I am so sorry for being hurt my dear sweet husband! He said that there is a time and place for feeling that way and we should just enjoy our honeymoon and deal with that later! I was dumbfounded! And that was the First sign of his change in attitude. Any suggestions of the truthful nature would be welcome. I know most of you will say leave him, BUT where do I go? I have no one!


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## HappyAtLast (Jan 25, 2010)

I know it's easy for me to tell you what you should and shouldn't do, but if I were you, I never would have married him in the first place...if it had been a one night stand, and he felt guilty and remorseful, that would be one thing, but when he sleeps with women, well, o.k. if you want to call hookers women, over and over again, he is a serial cheater and won't stop.
I know this is very hurtful for you, but you can't live like this forever...something has got to give. Do you have anyone you can stay with that can help you? This guy needs to be kicked to the curb...and fast.
Good luck...I wish you all the best.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Get a job, get money and leave. Can you stay with family? Friends?

You married this guy knowing full well he cheated on you with several prostitutes and blamed you for his decision. You married him knowing he has a pattern of ZERO accountability.

The choice to stay or leave is yours but you already know what most people are going to say...


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

Others may feel differently but:

Cheating is one thing...cheating with pro's is entirely another. Did he ever give a reason for it? And no you are not alone. Nobody would ever admit it but I'm sure a good percentage of cheaters see pro's because you don't have to put the work in.

You need to start healing yourself. I know you feel trapped but always remember that it's human nature to always think the worst of a bad situation. You do have options. You are not stuck. Do not let him or anybody else let you feel isolated.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

sinnister said:


> Cheating is one thing...cheating with pro's is entirely another.


ITA


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

What does "ITA" mean?

As far as cheating vs. cheating with pro's... I think it's one of those things that everyone will have differing opinions... Same as EA's vs. PA's and which one is worse for a relationship. Some people will feel that cheating with a pro is less destructive because there would be no feelings involved, vs. a combined emotional and physical affair. Others will be more hurt because it turns the sex into a business transaction/decision with a pro...

C


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

ITA = I totally agree



PBear said:


> Some people will feel that cheating with a pro is less destructive


I think it's actually worse since the possibility for STD exposure is WAY greater.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Jellybeans said:


> ITA = I totally agree
> 
> 
> 
> I think it's actually worse since the possibility for STD exposure is WAY greater.


Thanks for that. And I'm not saying that either pro or not was better or worse... Just saying there's two sides (at least) to look at.

C


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## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

I would do almost anything in order to earn enough to leave. I would apply for almost every single job i saw.

You couldn't pay me to stay with someone who disrespected me like that. I know i am worth more than some guy who rationalizes buying women and then blames me for it. Yuck. Before I left I'd probably throw up on him.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

PBear said:


> Thanks for that. And I'm not saying that either pro or not was better or worse... Just saying there's two sides (at least) to look at.
> 
> C


I know. I was just stating my opinion


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## SlightlyDisheveled (May 19, 2011)

WOW ok I thought it would be worse then this. Thank you for your replies. I appreciate them all. 

Jobs - I have a handicap so Jobs are limited for me. I have applied to seven places and one is giving me a second interview!!!! YESSS Please cross your fingers!! I Want more the anything to leave but I just haven't been able to. Working on it! 

STD's - I made him get tested, he's clean. As am I 

Family - I haven't any family to stay with so thats not an option. I don't have many friends and the few I do have don't have the space. I am not mad at them for saying no as I do understand.

My husband and I started to see this new Marriage Therapist at his suggestion. She's alright but I keep thinking "who in the right state of mind would stay with someone who has cheated on them?" Me apparently So why go to therapy? Whats the point? I am going to leave anyway! 
I am still afraid to leave even if I get this job because as beat down as I have let myself become I don't know how to slap myself out of this state of mind. Realistically I know to leave. But I don't! WTF is wrong with me? I feel like the stupidest person in the world! 

Thank you all really.


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## SlightlyDisheveled (May 19, 2011)

Syrum said:


> I would do almost anything in order to earn enough to leave. I would apply for almost every single job i saw.
> 
> You couldn't pay me to stay with someone who disrespected me like that. I know i am worth more than some guy who rationalizes buying women and then blames me for it. Yuck. Before I left I'd probably throw up on him.



I do know I am worth more. And to stay is the last thing I thought I'd do. The only way I can explain my staying to myself is utter fear. (fear of not knowing where to go) I look at him and I feel disgusted. Mostly because I am still here. I feel trapped and unable to leave. I know to leave. I just haven't. I feel like an idiot. And am angry more with myself for not leaving. I have been cheated on twice before when I was in the dating world. I LEFT each time RIGHT AWAY! So i don't know why I stay now. Beside the fact of I have no place to go. And No Job yet! 
Thank you for your response


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## rider03 (Apr 7, 2009)

Do the two of you share the household income? Start stashing some away each paycheck, even if it's only $20 at a time. At this stage in the game it makes no difference that you married him because it's done. Not look forward to how you can un-do this.

This man is worthless. And he knows it. So he bullies you around to make himself feel like a man. He's a complete loser.

What about a shelter for homeless women? I know it's not the first choice but anything to get you out of there now.

Good luck and prayers to you!!!


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## SlightlyDisheveled (May 19, 2011)

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> As far as your disability goes, is there an agency that can help you with job search? In our state we have Granite State Independent Living (gsil.org). It's a nonprofit that helps people with disabilities navigate getting disability payments while working (sad to say, but I wonder if your husband married you for disability benefits if applicable?), handle employment issues (including getting a job and getting to the job), housing (you could get a roommate or even grant funds or a loan to help move out), and legal issues (while technically not a disability issue, of course it is more difficult to change your life when you are busy with managing life more than a person who is 'fully abled' (in the practical sense) has to. Search out an organization like that. They can help you probably and will be happy to. Just tell them what happened with regards to your marriage. You don't need pity per se but you do need to give the world an opportunity and the information it needs to do its karma thing.


I don't get any disability. I used to when I was younger. apparently the government thinks my husbands income is enough.


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## SlightlyDisheveled (May 19, 2011)

rider03 said:


> Do the two of you share the household income? Start stashing some away each paycheck, even if it's only $20 at a time. At this stage in the game it makes no difference that you married him because it's done. Not look forward to how you can un-do this.
> 
> This man is worthless. And he knows it. So he bullies you around to make himself feel like a man. He's a complete loser.
> 
> ...


Thank you. I've been stashing. I don't know why people don't think of this. Currently my situation is ok. He has been "so kind" the last week or so. I did get the job by the way. So Saving will be easier. There is no way I can stay in this place forever. I am worth more.


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