# $ question.



## ZedZ (Feb 6, 2017)

Looking for opinions I have mine but want to be sure I'm on the right page. Married 36 years separated 4+ months (nothing legal or signed) Wife left I'm in the martial house hold. Since she is on the mortgage and the deed I feel that she is responsible for 1/2 the mortgage, taxes and dues plus any major maintenance items. She doesn't agree but expects her 1/2. She is struggling $ wise. I basically told here she pays now or pay if and when the house sells and $ she owes will come out of her 1/2.

Here's where I at. My emergency fund is getting low(currently unemployed but looking hard). I want to make sure that I have enough to go somewhere else and start over. There is no way I need a house this big (5 beds 2 baths etc.) I fell that I'm spending all my time cleaning or yard work...Its just a PIA.

Even if I put it up today the average sell days is over 200. This part of NJ is real estate depressed. I've spoken to several RE agents and they were not overly confident.

I'm seriously thinking about walking away even though we have equity in it. This is a friendly couples and kids neighborhood and no longer fits me. There are very few adult events here. And yes I've done the meetups but the wife and I went together. I prefer to keep my distance. 

I cant believe I'm actually think out walking away. I know renting it is an option but I really don't want to deal with.Delete repeated word want to get as far away as I can and don't want to be tied down for a leaky faucet or other BS.

Well that's my story...what say you.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

ZedZ said:


> Looking for opinions I have mine but want to be sure I'm on the right page. Married 36 years separated 4+ months (nothing legal or signed) Wife left I'm in the martial house hold. Since she is on the mortgage and the deed I feel that she is responsible for 1/2 the mortgage, taxes and dues plus any major maintenance items. She doesn't agree but expects her 1/2. She is struggling $ wise. I basically told here she pays now or pay if and when the house sells and $ she owes will come out of her 1/2.


Legally she is as responsible as you to pay the mortgage, etc. But you are the person who has 100% use of the house. Think of yourself as a renter. You pay her half of the mortgage right now because you have 100% (100%) control of the house. She is right. She has the right to 50% of the equity. 
Why no file for divorce now and get this settled.



ZedZ said:


> Here's where I at. My emergency fund is getting low(currently unemployed but looking hard). I want to make sure that I have enough to go somewhere else and start over. There is no way I need a house this big (5 beds 2 baths etc.) I fell that I'm spending all my time cleaning or yard work...Its just a PIA.


So file for divorce and put the house on the market. Why are you keeping the house if you don’t even want it? If there is enough equity in it, that will give you more money to get on with your life.



ZedZ said:


> Even if I put it up today the average sell days is over 200. This part of NJ is real estate depressed. I've spoken to several RE agents and they were not overly confident.


If you had put in on the market 4 months ago, 120 of those days would be done over with. 



ZedZ said:


> I'm seriously thinking about walking away even though we have equity in it. This is a friendly couples and kids neighborhood and no longer fits me. There are very few adult events here. And yes I've done the meetups but the wife and I went together. I prefer to keep my distance.


OK, there are things that you can do. For example get a room mate or two. Or check out organizations that buy property fast, see if they can offer you enough to get out of the mortgage with a bit of cash that you and your wife can split. Here is a link to just one of those places. You can search the web for others and get several of them to give you an offer.

Sell your House Fast & for Cash in Southern New Jersey | Cash For Homes | Cash For Homes

If you are going to walk away from the house, make sure you contact the lender to see if they will work you. Many lenders will let you out of the loan if you just hand them the keys..



ZedZ said:


> I cant believe I'm actually think out walking away. I know renting it is an option but I really don't want to deal with. Delete repeated word want to get as far away as I can and don't want to be tied down for a leaky faucet or other BS.
> 
> Well that's my story...what say you.


I get it. So get out fast.

I sold a house one time in less than a week by putting out an ad that stated something like “You take over payments and pay all closing costs.” I had several people offer. The first was a jerk who tried to get me to pay the closing costs. So I went with the next person and they took the house.

How much equity do you have in the house? Is it enough to put in on the market well below market value?


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## ZedZ (Feb 6, 2017)

Thanks for the response...why would I pay her 1/2 the mortgage? I agree with the equity that has not been the issue. But 1/2 of nothing is nothing..I have been thinking about roommates but I'm hesitant. Mortgage is due by the 15 and I don't want to continue to throw money down the drain...I need to keep a eye on my funds...if this continues to go south I need to make sure I have enough $ to go forward whether I want to or not...That's reality. 

We've been in the house 35 years and have more than enough stuff. I'm not cleaning or empting this house by self. I recently asked what are we doing with this stuff...never got a clear answer...she thinks yard sale but I have my doubts...I may go thru the monitions once but then all the stuff is outside..than what move it back ..BS...

120K (?) equity if It were to sell I doubt it but will find out for sure this week.

Thanks again..


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## getting it together (Jun 28, 2017)

Feel blessed. I own two properties. Last year I paid off the mortgage (80k) on our main property with some of my inheritance money so that we owned it free and clear. This year she starts an affair (read limerence) and is now living in that house. I am living in our retreat property. She does not want to end the affair and so I filed for D. Now I stand to lose because I paid off the mortgage which in essence commingled that money from my inheritance. Not a good situation.


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## ZedZ (Feb 6, 2017)

That suxs...

Wishing you the best....

Still debating in my mind...


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## getting it together (Jun 28, 2017)

I just noticed you said you had been in the house for 35 years. You still have a mortgage?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

ZedZ said:


> Thanks for the response...why would I pay her 1/2 the mortgage? I agree with the equity that has not been the issue. But 1/2 of nothing is nothing..


If ½ is nothing, then why are you not wanting to pay it? You ae the one who has 100% use of the house. My bet is that if this went in front of a judge, he/she would tell you that as long as you have 100% use of the home you pay 100% of the mortgage. 

If your wife were making a lot of money, you could go to court and ask for interim alimony/spousal-support. But it sounds like neither one of you have much income right now.


ZedZ said:


> I have been thinking about roommates but I'm hesitant. Mortgage is due by the 15 and I don't want to continue to throw money down the drain...I need to keep a eye on my funds...if this continues to go south I need to make sure I have enough $ to go forward whether I want to or not...That's reality.


Are you thinking of not paying the mortgage on the 15th? Yet you have a lot of equity. So, you need to preserve your equity. Call one of those quick sale places and see what they would give you.

Another thing you could do is just stay in the house and don’t pay the mortgage. It takes something like 2 years for a foreclosure to go through. And can live there without paying the mortgage until the foreclosure is final. If you go somewhere else, how much rent will you pay? Would the mortgage be less or more than your rent?



ZedZ said:


> We've been in the house 35 years and have more than enough stuff. I'm not cleaning or empting this house by self. I recently asked what are we doing with this stuff...never got a clear answer...she thinks yard sale but I have my doubts...I may go thru the monitions once but then all the stuff is outside..than what move it back ..BS...


Why don’t you start selling stuff on craigslist.com? You could even hold a yard sale all on your own. Just tell her that you had to sell it because you have no income. Get creative her.


ZedZ said:


> 120K (?) equity if It were to sell I doubt it but will find out for sure this week.


Find out your equity. Then call one of those quick sale places. Or put it on the market at a lower price. Don’t lose all of your equity.


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## ZedZ (Feb 6, 2017)

1/2 = nothing if I walk away...neither one of us would get any equity...If she wants her share that IMO she should pony up.

IDK...she has the option to use the house if she wants. She chooses not to. I don't have anywhere else to go presently...that's why I'm think the way I am.

I don't know I kind of just venting but I have a $ issue on the horizon...


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

ZedZ said:


> 1/2 = nothing if I walk away...neither one of us would get any equity...If she wants her share that IMO she should pony up.
> 
> IDK...she has the option to use the house if she wants. She chooses not to. I don't have anywhere else to go presently...that's why I'm think the way I am.
> 
> I don't know I kind of just venting but I have a $ issue on the horizon...


Yea I get that you have a money issue.

Will she move back into the house if you move out? Could you afford to live somewhere else?

Have you told her that you are going to walk away and not pay the mortgage? If not tell her. See if she will pick it up. That way you preserve your equity.

Or call a quick buy company.

Or just stop paying the mortgage and live there until they kick you out... or until you cannot keep the utilities on. I know it gets cold in NJ in the winter... so your heating bill might be high.


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## ZedZ (Feb 6, 2017)

EleGirl said:


> Yea I get that you have a money issue.
> 
> Will she move back into the house if you move out? Could you afford to live somewhere else?
> 
> ...


I don't think she could afford the decent conversation's she's struggling bad ..She also has a 1 year lease. Before I go absolutely off the wall I'm going to reach out to my mortgage Co. (CU) and see if I can defer or pay a few months on the back end. You have something with the room mate seal. I have a completely finished basement with its own entrance, bedroom and bath. It's lacking a kitchen bot maybe a microwave and a cooktop may work. The only other issue I would need access to the washer and dryer that's downstairs in a large "closet" should be able to work something out...You giving me some research to do...Thanks..


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## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

Talk to your bank, they may reduce or even freeze the mortgage payments for now while the house is on the market. They would rather not get paid for a couple of months yet get a big check at some point rather than go thru the foreclosure process which can become expensive and take longer. In my area the marlet never came back after the crash and the banks have too many foreclosed homes. They are cutting deals and suspending payments while people try and sell the places. 

You really should file, your unemployed, maybe you could get some temporary maintenance payments out of her. You don't want the house, is she interested at all in keeping it herself?


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## Not (Jun 12, 2017)

Zed if your thinking about walking away from the house through bankruptcy or foreclosure you'll have to move quickly to secure an apartment to rent before your credit gets destroyed and you then can't qualify to rent anything.


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## ZedZ (Feb 6, 2017)

Not said:


> Zed if your thinking about walking away from the house through bankruptcy or foreclosure you'll have to move quickly to secure an apartment to rent before your credit gets destroyed and you then can't qualify to rent anything.



Good point...I really need to give this more thought over the next couple of days...I don't/cant delay to long..


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## Vinnydee (Jan 4, 2016)

If you walk away you kill your credit for a very long time and then you are unemployed and nowhere to borrow money. I sold my 4 bedroom home in NJ during the last big housing market depression which was also during a general recession. I sold it in 3 months on the last day of our listing before we were to give up. All due to a little girl who was crying because her parents were buying a home far away from her friends. They bought our home because it was in the same neighborhood where they were renting. 

I am on my 9th home having bought and sold 8 houses since I was 21. I alway made money on them even when the housing market was down. I have also found a job during both recessions. I know how to survive and worked hard at it. Always had an exit strategy and a plan B, C, D, and E. I have had to sell cheap, take out a second mortgage, run up my credit cards, etc.. but never once did I consider walking away from my house. That would leave me with a poor credit rating, no income and no way to borrow money or buy stuff on credit for a very long time. If you cannot find a job with your skill set, learn a new trade. I took temp jobs and low paying jobs where I worked myself up the ladder. I did what I needed to do to make it without destroying my credit rating.


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## ZedZ (Feb 6, 2017)

Part of me thinks this is spite. I honestly feel that if she's going to get 1/2 she should be paying 1/2 now. I hear you about the credit issue and that would hunt me for the rest of my life. That's just no me...I've always paid my obligations...Part of me is really pissed, the other part there is no one to talk to at all...I have to go to the store just to talk and keep my sanity The other part is there is no "entertainment" any where's close...I'm no way ready to date but I'm human I need some companionship and friendship... This suxs but that's the way it is right now...

PS I'm in Sussex County.

Zed


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## KevinZX (Jul 1, 2017)

My wife left me, i m in the marital home, i made her pay half the bills, she was reluctant at the start, but i don't care as i paid all bills etc when she was with me, i don't want to struggle and see her living it large with her new squeeze. I would be tempted to walk, if t is taking 200+ days to sell, it may be a painful six months waiting, if you do walk will you have enough cash to start again?

Love and Peace always

KevinZX


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

KevinZX said:


> My wife left me, i m in the marital home, i made her pay half the bills, she was reluctant at the start, but i don't care as i paid all bills etc when she was with me, i don't want to struggle and see her living it large with her new squeeze. I would be tempted to walk, if t is taking 200+ days to sell, it may be a painful six months waiting, if you do walk will you have enough cash to start again?
> 
> Love and Peace always
> 
> KevinZX


Six months might be a painful wait. But if he has $120,000 equity in the house, if he sticks around for 6 months to sell it, that's an income of $20,000 a month basically. or $10,000 a month if split 50/50 with his ex.

Does the OP (asking him not you) have another way to earn $10,000 to $20,000 a month in the next 6 months?


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## ZedZ (Feb 6, 2017)

Kevin I agree with you about paying 1/2...she did for the first 2 months then stopped.

EleGirl...no I don't have any way to make 20 K a month..that's why I am reevaluating this as I think I said somewhere in this thread. I plan on calling my CU and see if we can work something out...Even though it against my better judgement I'll going the room mate deal I have a completely finished basement with separate entrance etc...I was FB'ing with one of my buddies that lives fairly close he thinks I could rent it for $750to $900. If I can that will take a tremendous amount of pressure of me. I'm really going to research this ASAP...Maybe I can get someone on for Sept. 1

Thanks

ZedZ


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Make sure you run a background check on them if you don't know the person you rent to.


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## ZedZ (Feb 6, 2017)

I'm going to run a background, credit check and I'm going to check the references along with there job. I'm thinking about having a realtor handle it and have the tenant pay them...Not sure yet..

The last thing I need at this point in life is more issues...that's not going to happen....

Thanks


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## KevinZX (Jul 1, 2017)

ZedZ said:


> Kevin I agree with you about paying 1/2...she did for the first 2 months then stopped.
> 
> EleGirl...no I don't have any way to make 20 K a month..that's why I am reevaluating this as I think I said somewhere in this thread. I plan on calling my CU and see if we can work something out...Even though it against my better judgement I'll going the room mate deal I have a completely finished basement with separate entrance etc...I was FB'ing with one of my buddies that lives fairly close he thinks I could rent it for $750to $900. If I can that will take a tremendous amount of pressure of me. I'm really going to research this ASAP...Maybe I can get someone on for Sept. 1
> 
> ...


The equity issue is still not clear, if you have good equity then stick around for a sale, if not reevaluate, but renting out some of your home is a very good idea, good thinking. Asi mentioned my wife is paying 50/50 but i got a text this morning saying she is struggling this month, i knew it was coming, two months in and she is reluctant, she does have a vacation in Mexico in november to worry about, my heart bleeds.


Love and Peace always

KevinZX


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## ZedZ (Feb 6, 2017)

I'm going to ride it out. I'm planning on getting a roommate/tenant...From what I been told and what I see online I should be able to get from $800-950. If I can do that my mortgage would only be a couple of hundred a month. It seems like a no brainer but I'm not excited about sharing my house with a stranger...As I look around I think I can completely separate the spaces except for the laundry area. Should be able to work out a schedule or not allow it to be used...I think that would hurt my chances...Just thinking out load. Right now I using the "living" room downstairs as my office and TV area. It makes it easier to keep the rest of the house clean... My gut is telling me to go for it....

ZedZ


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

That sounds like a plan.

About the laundry room.

A schedule would be a good way to go. Just set what days/times you will use it.

Is the laundry room separate enough from the rest of the basement? Would you have to walk into the renter's space to get to the laundry room?


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

ZedZ said:


> Even if I put it up today the average sell days is over 200. This part of NJ is real estate depressed. I've spoken to several RE agents and they were not overly confident.
> 
> I'm seriously thinking about walking away even though we have equity in it.


Why would you walk away from 120k in equity??? That 200 day turnaround is full market I assume? 

So knock $50k off the price, it will sell in 30 days and you walk away with $50k after paying the realtor and good credit.

If your wife has moved out, she only gets 50% up to the day she left. You need to get her off the deed or refinance her off.


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## ZedZ (Feb 6, 2017)

EleGirl said:


> That sounds like a plan.
> 
> About the laundry room.
> 
> ...


Yes I would have to go thru the living/dining room. I have a option to have the tenant bring/get there own washer. When I redid the bathroom I had a washer dib installed on the backside of the bath. I'm sure we could come of agreement. I'm going to put on the "House Rules" If I do 2 loads a week not a big deal...


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## ZedZ (Feb 6, 2017)

ZedZ said:


> I'm going to ride it out. I'm planning on getting a roommate/tenant...From what I been told and what I see online I should be able to get from $800-950. If I can do that my mortgage would only be a couple of hundred a month. It seems like a no brainer but I'm not excited about sharing my house with a stranger...As I look around I think I can completely separate the spaces except for the laundry area. Should be able to work out a schedule or not allow it to be used...I think that would hurt my chances...Just thinking out load. Right now I using the "living" room downstairs as my office and TV area. It makes it easier to keep the rest of the house clean... My gut is telling me to go for it....
> 
> ZedZ



I've done almost all the work to get the apt. ready. I'm going to "stage it" on Wed with the furnishing with the Apt. I just need to take some pics and post it online. Waiting on a couple of items to be delivered...smoke/CO2 alarm and some motion detectors lights. Replace the door locks so all the doors for the apt use one key. 
I really hope this works out.


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## ZedZ (Feb 6, 2017)

Almost done with the apt. Have to finish depersonalizing it. Posted om FB had some interest...kooking good...don't want any kids or families. Looking for a mature gal or gentleman...


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## ZedZ (Feb 6, 2017)

Well just about done with the apt....just need to install smoke alarms, CO2 and the fire extinguisher and a couple of motion lights, I have all of it already...Should take more than a couple of hours. Need to order door knobs and deadbolts. Want to get them keyed alike.
I've had a lot of interest and about 6 in person showings. One gentleman I would rent to... vet just retired 18 years in...has a job a a supervisor at a water plant, he cant take it until mid Oct. Not sure I can last that long...going to talk to him later today. Wifes be bugging me to come over and get some stuff. I emailed her late last week and told her to come over on Sat. She wanted here surround system and some exercise equipment some family pics etc...no big deal went fine.she repeated word closed our safe deposit box due to $ and she brought all my documents. Made lunch for myself and asked if she wanted one..she took a 1/2 to my surprise. I am selling so of my guy stuff that I don't ever think I'll use again. Table saw, trolling motor top luggage carrier.I put some free stuff nerf guns etc. swords. I also had a plastic 2 piece Stanely tool box on wheels, she asked if she could have it I had it priced at @20..I gave to her. I then asked when my adult children are getting their crap out, I'm not moving any of it...For some reason they won't talk to me but I've enough on my plate. When my younger 28 left moved he left a ton of crap in his room. Now that I'm renting tht apt. I want to use it as a storage /pantry. My oldest has tool chest car parts (no longer has the cars. He also has metal working equipment. They both moved out previously and we allowed them to move back with certain conditions rent and removal of all their stuff upon leaving.

It aggravates me that people make an appt. to see the apt, I spent all day Sat(my birthday, felt odd almost unconfutable. waiting for 
people to show. Out of 6 2 showed, Monday out of 2 on2 showed...Tuesday was 1 for 1 showed. I'm sort of looking for a specific type of tenant, no young kids...those days are way over...no more than 2 people due to size..no drugs at all...will face immediate eviction. Must submit to a credit, background check along with references including the job... I don't have showings for Wed yet...but I have some emails to check.

One issue that comes up most of our friends and family (mine is small hers is big) seem to be keeping there distance from me..I get it but I need to figure out on how to make friends at this point in life...there have been days where I haven't talked to anyone...I go to Walmart or the grocery store just to be around people...this I need to work on as a priority, there have been times I'm going stir crazy and the walls are closing in...I don't think it has anything to do with the wife. I really don't want her back at this point. I have the opportunity to start a new chapter in life and I'm going to take full advantage of it.Been on a dating website (no way am I ready to date anyone at this point) but its nice to "chat" with people that are in the same boat...I nice looking female we seem to get along..I guess still extremely new to this wanted me to call her tonight. She seemed to have morals and seemed to be respectable (not sure that's the right word) Any ways I "chatted with her" that I needed to reschedule...she was OK with it and sent me a" flirt" .
LOL...but does put a smile on my face...
Anyways its almost 3 AM here and I hope I can get some sleep...that has been an issue at times, its getting better...

Talk with ever one soon.

ZedZ


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