# Moving On (dating sites or no)



## rep (Jun 11, 2012)

Im a single dad and my schedule makes it impossible to meet women. A lot of people I talk to say these sites are worthless. 
Not to mention, I really don't have ANY good pics of myself,,,Im not photogenic at all. Im one of those people that I look much better in-person. Anyway,,most people tell me that I just got out of a relationship and I should be alone. I work fri/sat/sun,,,I work three 12hr days and they are on the weekends and I have my son Mon-Thurs,,,,so its a very lonely life. Sure I can do projects and talk to my cat all day until my son gets home but I really would love to meet someone,,,even tho Im prob not fully ready.
Anyway, what are the best ways to meet people


----------



## Revamped (Jun 19, 2014)

You're not ready. 

I get that you're lonely. But you're making every mistake in the book and you haven't even started yet.

Yes, work and children are priorities. But you can't even take the time to take a selfie? You can't ask a friend to take a silly picture? Leads me to believe you just aren't there yet.

So, let's start at the basics....

Write four sentences that describes who you are and what you want. Enquiring minds would like to know...


----------



## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

How long have you been single OP? Are you separated or divorced?

I met my husband on a dating site - we just got lucky I guess, but I've heard horror stories too. You do have to be careful. Don't use online dating as your only way to meet people either, still do other things, step outside your comfort zone and meet people that way too.


----------



## rep (Jun 11, 2012)

Im 43, a pharmacist. 6'3" and Im an avid weight lifter. Im average looking on face I guess but Im (ripped) and women usally like the muscles but again,,, its not the women that I seem to want.
I live in the "sticks", not very populated. 
My schedule sucks for meeting people.
So, yes I know you guys feel I should be alone and I underastand but I feel like Im getting older and my 3 year relationship just seemed to waste time. I loved being married for the 17 years and want that team-work and connection again. 
So there you have it.


----------



## Revamped (Jun 19, 2014)

Nobody cares how ripped you are unless you're talking tequila... So lose that bit. People will make assumptions on your earnings based on your profession so leave that out too. 

Obviously, you are health conscience. Would you date a fat chick?


----------



## rep (Jun 11, 2012)

Funny you ask,,,why is it that I work my ass off to look a certain way,,and I always have but I hear the same stuff,,leave those pics off??
A man would love to see a women in great shape,,so why is it if I show a pic of me with no shirt,,,people say,,"oh that guy is ****y", not mature,etc... 
Anyway, why the fat chic question


----------



## Revamped (Jun 19, 2014)

Truthfully? Sexism is alive and well in the USA. Everybody loves to see a chick in a bikini but a dude is creepy looking with no shirt.

Unfortunately, that's the Truth.

When you look beyond the borders of stereotypes, how would you handle it if you found a nice lady online, hit it off, talk hours and hours, laugh endlessly, enjoy her company...but 45 lbs overweight.

These are the scenerios you will be facing. I'm trying to give you time to think about the answers before they are presented.


----------



## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

Revamped is right. Sometimes the pics are cropped and hide

imperfections. But if you are in the mindset of meeting someone...

why do they do it? I tried the dating site deal almost two years ago.

Ended up meeting someone IRL, 110% unexpected


----------



## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

rep said:


> Im 43, a pharmacist. 6'3" and Im an avid weight lifter. Im average looking on face I guess but Im (ripped) and women usally like the muscles but again,,, its not the women that I seem to want.
> I live in the "sticks", not very populated.
> My schedule sucks for meeting people.
> So, yes I know you guys feel I should be alone and I underastand but I feel like Im getting older and my 3 year relationship just seemed to waste time. I loved being married for the 17 years and want that team-work and connection again.
> So there you have it.


Personally I liked everything you said in here except the "ripped" part.. 

A country Lover :smthumbup: Devoted Dad :smthumbup:
Great Job :smthumbup: You are the marrying type & enjoy the companionship / teamwork with a woman by your side :smthumbup: 

There is a start.. but don't dare tell the ladies what you do.. some will see $$$ signs.. a Pharmacist makes a pretty good living, I assume..

Have a friend take some photos of you.... so easy to do..get the ball rolling.. it's the new way of bringing singles together... it opens up many doors. .. but true... many will need slammed shut.


----------



## Roselyn (Sep 19, 2010)

You're a pharmacist. Attend the meetings of your professional organizations and participate in research projects. You will meet all types of women from the academics to sales reps. You will meet women who have intellect like you. In addition, you will see their biographies in your member's list; unlike dating sites where backgrounds may be fake.

As for photographs without shirts, skip that. Women will think that you are shallow. (I'm a woman.) Put on a suit and tie and look professional. Successful men are attractive to many women. Best wishes to your social life.


----------



## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Do a fitted T shirt (muscle) with sleeves doing something outdoorsy. They will figure it out and it wont be some cheesy azz shirtless pic. Ive had some friends have success on Harmony, Match and Cupid. Craziest women were from cupid (roughly success in that order). Then again that friend was crazy himself. The one that used Harmony had great success (he met his long term gf) but not sparsely populated. 

Topless shots are for women #throwsgrenadeandrunslikehell


----------



## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

"all the oxy you can get" would probably be a bad idea


----------



## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

First and foremost, did you take enough time to heal and get over your previous marriage? It should take at least 6 months to a year.

MAKE SURE YOU ARE READY

2nd, I always recommend face to face. If you see a nice lady that you like and opportunity is there, walk up to her and ask her out etc.

Key here is to get use to rejection. OVER AND OVER. Over time you will get to a point where the fear of rejection is gone and women REALLY pick up on confidence.

NONE of this you can do/practice and learn over internet.

Just don't over due or do it too much.....and don't come up with some corny one liners. Just ask her the name, smile and ask if she has someone special etc.

If you do internet, remember it's the #s game. You will have to invest a LOT of times and reach out to people. You MIGHT get few replies here and there and go on a LOT of dates....and no it won't build your confidence.

Good luck


----------



## firebelly1 (Jul 9, 2013)

First - should you try online dating - yes. It's just a numbers game. You will increase your chances of meeting someone. But be aware that you will most likely have to weed through a lot of people that you aren't interested in before you get to one you are. 

Posting a topless shirt says you are only out for sex. Weightlifter is right - post a picture of you in a tightly fitting shirt. Have a friend take your pictures and help you with your profile. Preferably a female friend. Make sure you have a good picture of just your face as well. Don't put in any pictures of you and a woman or multiple women. There are websites that give you advice on the types of photos you should post and how to formulate your narrative. 

Don't just list your hobbies. Explain what would make you a good partner. 

My two cents having done online dating for a while. Good luck. Also, just consider that the time you spend staying ripped (or doing anything else) is time you could be spending with a woman. So make room in your schedule.


----------



## rep (Jun 11, 2012)

I appreciate the feedback,,one big problem is that Im not photogenic. Im one of thise people that look horrible in pics but much better in-person. I will follow your advices and have someone take pics and Ill try Match.
I didn't really mean "shirt-less", meant more like me in a tank-top but yes,,Ive heard females don't like that. Ive put a few on Facebook then Im told that Im over confident...
Never will understand. I like the suggestion of a tight shirt I guess. To me wouldn't a women prefer a guy that is in great shape over a guy that isn't??
Im afraid the answer is that they don't care as long as the guy isn't fat. New day and age for sure.


----------



## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

the right type of woman you want in your life will see well past the 

thinning hair, imperfections. The ones that can't...do you want to invest

time with them? I hope you do not. This is not high school / college.


----------



## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

rep said:


> I appreciate the feedback,,one big problem is that Im not photogenic. Im one of thise people that look horrible in pics but much better in-person. I will follow your advices and have someone take pics and Ill try Match.
> I didn't really mean "shirt-less", meant more like me in a tank-top but yes,,Ive heard females don't like that. Ive put a few on Facebook then Im told that Im over confident...
> Never will understand. I like the suggestion of a tight shirt I guess. To me wouldn't a women prefer a guy that is in great shape over a guy that isn't??
> Im afraid the answer is that they don't care as long as the guy isn't fat. New day and age for sure.


Think of the shirtless pose as being the 1970s guy with unbuttoned shirt and a big gold chain. Cheesy.

The tight T shirt tells the story without the cheese.


----------



## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

you can be modest and still show your muscular build
go shopping for a nice outfit that isn't too tight but still shows you have a good shape


----------



## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

I won't speak to if you are ready to date or not, but I will give you a warning about online dating - if you are not photogenic, DO NOT expect to find much validation from online dating sites.

However, as a guy you don't need to be pretty and since you say you work your ass off weightlifting you should have no trouble finding a large number of interested women, and if you can get their attention then it will be like firebelly says - you will have to sift through a lot of responses that you are not at all interested in - however you will find some good ones in the bunch.

Now try being average on there and you will find nothing but sorrow and loneliness at online dating sites.


----------



## Jetranger (May 31, 2013)

You want pics of your smiling face, pics of your body - fully clothed and showing your build and height, and pics of you doing fun stuff.

Look like a fun, active, confident person. Show this in your profile too, but don't write an essay, nobody will be bothered to read it.

It could well be too soon for you.


----------



## tryingpatience (May 7, 2014)

Never had much luck meeting people online. I actually ran into a few fake people. It turned me off the online thing. Also when I learned about the ratio of men to women on these sites I figured I'd have more luck meeting someone in person. If you go the online route be prepared to send out a lot of messages to women.


----------



## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

I'm a fan of online dating. I'm in a city so maybe my experiences are different but here's my take: 
*Plenty of Fish* = married men, unemployed men, cheap men (because it's free). Never met a decent guy that way. Did get some requests from married men looking for recreation, swingers and couples looking for a 3rd. 
*Match* = best results. Not crazy expensive - just enough to keep away married folk that don't want it on their credit card. More honest, middle of the road people.
*eHarmony *= romantics who are willing to continually answer a gazillion questions. Unfortunately you can't search for yourself, you have to get THEIR matches. If you think you aren't photogenic this may work for you.
*Zoosk* - a lot like plenty of fish; maybe a little better but seems to be aimed at a slightly younger crowd.
*OK Cupid *- it's all right... I never met anyone through that. It seems not as good as match but not as sleazy as POF.

I'm not a gold digger so maybe my reaction is different but when I read pharmacist, I was thinking I wonder if you have predictable hours or would be gone many evenings and weekends. Having an occasional evening to myself is nice but I wouldn't want a relationship with someone who was gone more often than not.

Women like a man with a nice build, of course. BUT if you look like you are trying to show off, it's a turnoff. Or it looks like you are just looking for sex "look at how hot I am - you know you want some of THIS". 

But a man who is wearing jeans and a button dwon shirt that is untucked but fits well enough that you can see his bicep flexed in the bent arm that is holding a glass - that is plenty enough for a woman to know you are hot undressed. And in your profile just mention that you are into fitness and you eat healthy. If fitness is important in your partner, too, list things that you like to do that you'd LIKE to do with someone like cycle, run, swim, etc.

Do YOU think you aren't photogenic? Or do other people tell you that? What are your best features? Maybe get more photos of yourself from farther away. The benefit is the whole body shot could work for you. If you wear a hat in every shot women will assume you are bald or balding so if you are just own it. Most women are perfectly OK with that! SMILE. Some girls like the tough guy steely glare. But if that's not you, just smile. Personally I prefer smiles.

Mention your hobbies. They make people more interesting and lets us visualize what we could expect in a relationship. It's OK to be vulnerable by saying you are new to this. Mention kids, animals (in case of allergies), and any food limitations (if you're vegan it's important to mention - it's a lifestyle). Do NOT say anything one way or the other about "drama". I hate it when men post "no drama" or "no baggage". I have a child and I have an ex. I try to keep arguments/differences of opinion with him to a minimum but we don't agree on everything or we wouldn't be ex. The REAL drama queens don't realize it's drama. So stating you want no drama is pretty moot.

Oh, and the secret codes... (haha) most men post heights 1-2" taller than they really are, men who wear hats in every photo are hiding a receding hairline or baldness. For women only face shots usually mean they are chubby. Women who have revealing photos are a dime a dozen and really must just like the attention. And most women, when selecting their body style choose a description that is actually better suited to someone 20 pounds less than they really are. i.e. "average" means 20 extra pounds (which is pretty average in America). A few extra pounds means chubby. Curvy usually either means big boobs OR they are fat and have big boobs and are trying to work the boobs. Big and Beautiful - well if they check this they are definitely big.

You can always post your profile, omitting identifiable info and get some feedback.


----------



## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

*Re: Re: Moving On (dating sites or no)*



EnjoliWoman said:


> Oh, and the secret codes... (haha) most men post heights 1-2" taller than they really are, men who wear hats in every photo are hiding a receding hairline or baldness. For women only face shots usually mean they are chubby. Women who have revealing photos are a dime a dozen and really must just like the attention. And most women, when selecting their body style choose a description that is actually better suited to someone 20 pounds less than they really are. i.e. "average" means 20 extra pounds (which is pretty average in America). A few extra pounds means chubby. Curvy usually either means big boobs OR they are fat and have big boobs and are trying to work the boobs. Big and Beautiful - well if they check this they are definitely big.


The problem with these secret codes, is that truly honest and self aware people don't use them.

So it might mean risking a date to find out if they are actually truthful about their personal description, and you may go from there. But just don't base your idea about them until after you meet them.


----------



## devotion (Oct 8, 2012)

Online dating worked for me. 

My first girlfriend (and my ex-wife) I met not online dating, but through a non dating forum and a conversation blossomed into a LDR and then her moving to my town. 

That ended 18 years later and since I never dated before had no idea how to approach women in real life. Tried speed dating a few times and got a couple matches, only one girl that I went out with a few times, no chemistry. 

Tried POF and met one girl there that had one interest in common but was not physically or emotionally attracted to her. 

Got Match via a groupon and signed up there for the first month. Messaged over 100 girls and I think about 5 responded, and I got probably about 3 or 4 inbound messages (ie ones I didnt initiate). Met with 1 girl who messaged me, 1 girl I messaged. Both were cute and nice but got hot and heavy with the second and ended it with the first. 

Been with her now for ten months. So somehow I've made it all this way without ever 'picking' up a girl at a bar, and really nothing other than speed dating. My best friend told me I talked a 'good game' online (since I created my first relationship online) but actually with this girl I asked her out like three messages in, she said yes, and the rest has been in person primarily. 

I would have never met the girl if it wasnt for match -- our social circles never touch -- so I'm a fan of online dating. Of course, this is the ultimate YMMV.


----------

