# So I want to know...



## Rhea (May 16, 2009)

Has anyone had a court date set and made it beyond that date w/o divorcing? I'm scared sh*tless  as I received a letter a few weeks ago stating our court date is June 25th. I called my H and asked him if he requested it, he said he didn't. He said he'd turned in the papers but they had told him I needed to sign a waiver for "non appearance" before a court date was to be set or else there would be a 90 period prior to the divorce being granted.  I refused to sign that waiver and I still refuse to sign it to this day because I think this is all rediculous and he's just being a tad lazy right now and the grass is still greener over there and that eventually he'll phase out of this new found "life" he's created for himself because of other issues going on in his head that he needs to get a hold of first. 

I really think he's making rash decisions and I'm really quite shocked that he's moved out and filed and there's a court date set in a 5 month span especially w/all the drama at work w/them asking him to see a psych and recently being placed on meds (2 weeks ago). 

I asked him if he was going to cancel the date and he said that he didn't think he should I however think that in fact he should because (he and I need a cooling off period) as far as time apart w/less contact for him to figure out if this is really what he wants. He goes w/the notion that he's just going to go ahead and do it and if it's a mistake we'll worry about it later.

This to me screams that not even HE is sure of what he's doing. All the more reason NOT to do it. Not to mention I feel is though it's kinda lazy of him. Rather than putting in work now if he gets to missing me later then he can just do something about it then. 

I love my DH dearly and would move the earth if it meant not losing him but I really don't think it's fair to just say "eh if I'm making a mistake we'll cross that path when I figure it out" not cool.

So my question is...have any of you had a court date set and either cancelled it or not shown up...if so what happens then? Have ya'll worked on reconcilliation (sp) after that or reset a date for later or what? I'm looking for some hope here because I just feel like this is all happening too fast. I read so many forums of people leaving (men and women both) and then later realizing that they want to work on things. Me personally I'd rather leave it be for a bit and see what happens than get divorced and have to "re-marry" later. :scratchhead:

Thoughts???


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

Rhea said:


> Me personally I'd rather leave it be for a bit and see what happens than get divorced and have to "re-marry" later. :scratchhead:
> 
> Thoughts???


Well, in an annoying way maybe he is right. You could just "let him go". Then if later on, he comes chasing after you, the ball will be in _your _"court" so to speak.

You will have much more power in the situation if he is the one doing the chasing.


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## Rhea (May 16, 2009)

MarkTwain said:


> Well, in an annoying way maybe he is right. You could just "let him go". Then if later on, he comes chasing after you, the ball will be in _your _"court" so to speak.
> 
> You will have much more power in the situation if he is the one doing the chasing.


I'm just battling w/myself at the moment thinking should I really let this man divorce me w/o putting any effort into it and just taking the easy way out for the time being and just be open to him coming back whenever he realizes he's made a mistake???

Don't get me wrong I really do love him. More than I ever imagined I could love someone but it just seems lazy as all hell to just get divorced when even the one filing is second guessing and just go on the notion of "oh if I'm making a mistake we'll worry about it later" to me if you're not sure then why not make sure first?

Or do you think I should just let it be for now? We haven't talked in a few days but I know and he knows that we have what it takes and the feelings he's missing will return if he puts HIM back into this marriage...it just seems to me that he needs to walk thru the grass on the other side before making a final decision on me or no me. Now granted I'd rather he get it all out of his system now before coming back to me and us if that's what he wishes to do, but why do you have to get divorced in order to do that? Why not take your time and space and then work on it or end it?


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