# In need of an opinion



## lonely39 (Nov 22, 2011)

Ladies i'm new here but i really need someone to help me here..... I have no idea what i should do or so.

My husband hasn't touched me sexually for the past 2 years. And he tells me he's 44 years old and if i don't accept him as he is things need to change. This isn't the first time he's done this. He went 4 years without touching me 7 years ago and i left. I love him. But i don't want my sex life to be gone. 

What do i do????


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## lonely39 (Nov 22, 2011)

he has been givien meds for this problem before.. he said he is under alot of pressure and just can't do it.


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

If I were you, I would choose to leave. 

But first I have to make sure that I am financially independent myself. 

I think we are designed to yearn for physical satisfaction from the opposite sex. If we don't have it, we starve, we die(slowly....................)

I think expecting him to change is impossible since he has shown signs he can't change. He wants you to accept him as a fact. 

Without physical enjoyment in one's life is painful. I can understand your pain.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

My husband is 45 years old and he has a pretty high/normal sex drive. It takes just a second to get him going everyday, so I believe your husband is using his age as an excuse. I'm assuming he has issues in that department or he is depressed. The other alternative is that he's getting it somewhere else.

I would not want a sexless marriage either. I'd probably leave too. There are other things he can do to pleasure you or at least try. I'd be pretty hurt if my husband never gave me attention that way. I'd most likely leave.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lonely39 (Nov 22, 2011)

i'm so torn in what to do i'm not finicially able to leave right now. I have another year and 4 month before i get my degree so i can support my children. the last time i left i had no money and he used it against tme so badly. And i was lost. I feel so alone and i have no where to turn. What am i suppose to do masterbate for the rest of my life. This is so wrong i'm only 39 and i want so badly to have a real sex life but i don't want to cheat. Anyone have any suggestions?

He told me this information yesterday... i cried all night... i just can't believe he just gave up. this is always been aproblem for me. I love sex and not having it makes me mean and rude.


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## Trying2figureitout (Feb 3, 2011)

The bottom line is you can't change a person.... they have to do it.

what you can control is what you do... I would eliminate most of what your do for him as he's being ridiculous. Do the absolute minimum.

He is getting his needs met by you so stop diving him his needs...stop cooking, stop cleaning stop whatever else you are doing. Make it uncomfortable for him. He will respond.

Don't talk ACT... if he asks whats up TELL HIM you are unhappy! But keep it short and stay under control. Let him talk. If you don't agree state simply "I disagree" and let him talk. All your answers very short. Let him think.

It may be divorce or it may be him thinking I better touch my wife.

You have control over what you do so does he. Use your power.

My wife is getting a 180 because she won't have sex.... see how that works.


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## deejov (Sep 24, 2011)

I'm so sorry you are feeling this way,

My own two cents, but I will say that technically... you could live the rest of your life without the act of sex itself. It is possible to get all the emotional connection you need in other ways. 

If he is not at least doing that... then he is not meeting your "needs" for a relationship, and he should do something about it. It's not acceptable for him to deny you an emotional connection. (or women to do the same).

As for the reasons... only he can tell you, but is it possible that it's now gotten to a point where you are resentful, or as you said mean and rude? It's really really hard NOT to take this personally, but your reaction can cause him to withdraw even more. 

So how are you supposed to change that? You can start by showing affection, without the pressures of sex. You can be willing to re-connect in ways that are not expecting him to perform. You can let him know what would make you feel better \ forms of intimacy. If he is willing to discuss it. 

Are you prepared to know the reasons why? 

What does he mean by "things need to change" if you don't accept it?


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

deejov said:


> I'm so sorry you are feeling this way,
> 
> My own two cents, but I will say that technically... you could live the rest of your life without the act of sex itself. It is possible to get all the emotional connection you need in other ways.


It's also possible to live on gruel and rain water but why would anyone want to?



> So how are you supposed to change that? You can start by showing affection, without the pressures of sex. You can be willing to re-connect in ways that are not expecting him to perform. You can let him know what would make you feel better \ forms of intimacy. If he is willing to discuss it.


He doesn't have any concern for her needs so she should try harder to fulfill more of his needs?
I already know where that'll get the OP and I'm sure it's not acceptable to her.

I'd go with the earlier advice of no longer taking care of his needs.
Whatever you do for him stop doing it now.
When he questions it tell him why.

Pull a 180 on him
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## deejov (Sep 24, 2011)

tacoma said:


> It's also possible to live on gruel and rain water but why would anyone want to?
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Not sure WHY he isn't having sex... maybe he physically can't. Doesn't mean he can't be affectionate. Or maybe he is?

I don't know... a woman's needs in a relationship aren't always just sex. Don't know if he's a failure at everything.... but no complaints other than the sex.

Maybe he's gay.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

What are the problems in your relationship besides sex ? I would assume he masterbates, if his test is so low he needs meds, he would be dragging, near falling asleep at work, surely shortly after he came home, he would have brain fog - how is his ENERGY levels, does he have hobbies?

I would *NEED *my spouse to care about my needs , if not, I would have to leave before I was tempted to find fullfillment elsewhere. 

Emotionally connecting through sex is just too damn important.


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