# Wife became obsessed with fantasy world



## flyboycw30 (Jun 22, 2010)

My wife and I have been married for 9 years. We have three small children ages 6 mos to 5 yrs. For years I did about 75-80 % of the household chores and even though we both worked I handled all of the financial arrangements. Intimacy between us was OK, but I had to initiate it about 98% of the time. For years my wife seemed to have trouble making even the most simple decisions such as dinner choices without having a big debate about it. All of these issues, combined with a lack of interest in intimacy and very little expression of affection, were already causing me to have self doubts about her true feelings for me. I began to feel very inadequate and unappreciated. Then I began to watch and enjoy the HBO television show "True Blood". My wife started watching the show and became infatuated with it. Before I knew it she was spending the majority of her day reading about the show online and talking about it all the time. She started purchasing the books that the show was based on and then she found fan fiction sites online and began to write fan fiction stories based on the show. This was occupying pretty much all of our personal time during the day. The fan fiction writing soon gave way to yahoo and twitter chatting with the new friends she made online, all of which are fans of the show, and then she created a gmail account with a secret password exclusively for chatting with her online friends because she didnt trust that I wasnt checking upon her activities, which I admittedly was. I wanted to know what was so important that it was keeping her from her husband and family. After a few months of this behavior, I confronted her about it and she said she would back off from the activities but she became very defensive about it. The activities did slow down for awhile, but I found the issues too distracting and I decided to leave. Since I have left my wife has planned a solo trip to Virginia to meet with a group of people who are fans of the show and fan-fiction that she has never met before. I would like to reconcile the marriage and make it work but I am being made to feel like all of the issues are mine to repair. I have made large concessions and have basically waived the white flag but now I'm being told she undecided about what she wants to do. My marriage and my life are in limbo.


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## 2Daughters (May 13, 2010)

In hindsight and since you did basically all the relationship responsibilities I would have suggested you tell her to shape up or ship out, but since you left her first, that got her thinking about a lot of things real or imaginary, maybe look at yourself and see where you went wrong in the relationship, were you controlling?, did you give her or ask her to take on some responsibilities ( I mean really discuss it with her)?..and really, does it matter who initiates the 'love motor' as long as both drive it?..:scratchhead:..only you know how the relationship was going, so if she decides to go, are you going to stop her or let her go?


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## flyboycw30 (Jun 22, 2010)

Thanks for the input. There are other factors that caused me to leave. We have a large, nice house, but we couldn't finance it together so her mother did it and we make the payment. Essentially we live in her mother's house, so there was no asking her to leave, I was the one who had to go. I don't believe I was controlling but I did have trust issues because I couldn't comprehend the lack of returned emotion so made my self believe it must be something or someone else. As far as the intimacy "love motor " I initiated it and drove it. The effort and the "giving" were all on my part, if you get my drift. There were plenty of other factors. Her mother was very controlling, made demands and held stuff over people's heads. The wife used to complain about that all the time and I defended her valid positions, but now she says I have to learn to accept her mother's controlling behaviors if I want to reconcile because "that's just the way she is" and I should just learn to deal with it. The list goes on and on. Thankfully we are seeing a counselor next week though. I don't know if it will help or not.


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## 2Daughters (May 13, 2010)

It can't hurt, although it seems you knew what her mother was like before you married her, and she knew, plus the fact it's her mothers house. I guess the therapist will shed light on YOU knowing before hand and that the mother will never change, and that YOU can only change the way YOU react towards her, seems your wife has accepted how she is going to react to her mother, and really, you can't make another person feel something than what they already feel...so don't change your wife, that's up to her...good luck at your sessions:smthumbup:


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## larniegrl (Oct 7, 2009)

So good you guys are going to start seeing someone. It might help to make a physical list of what you want to change...with her and yourself. Having something tangible tends to help organize your thoughts. 

My hubby (we're separated) was obsessed with World of Warcraft for a year. I mean 6-8hrs aday...so I know how hard it is dealing with something involving the fantasy world...it is a form of addiction, and you might want to do some research online about it.


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