# Mixed Signals



## Electraglide (Jan 1, 2022)

So my husband and I have been together for 6 yrs married 3. The beginning 1.5-2 yrs was me getting him back onto his feet as I found out he was in drugs. So he completely changed his life around and became a great man. In those 6yrs we never really argued, I can only remover 3xs. Usually I would say something hurt my feelings and he would say sorry and that would be the end. We went on a little trip during Thanksgiving. When we came back we had our 3rd argument. That’s when he became distant and dismissive. So on December 12th I asked him what was wrong(he never talks about his feelings). He said leave it alone. I said I know something is wrong, just tell me. He said I want a divorce I do not love you like I should. He said I am tired of trying and nothing changing. I told him how has he tried when he has never told me what I was doing to hurt his feelings. So the next day I asked him to stay somewhere for a couple of days so I could process everything. He packed a bag and left. The following day he called me on my lunch like everything had been fine. I cried, begged, and everything desperate. He said he wasn’t sure what he wanted and that he hadn’t given up on the marriage. He said he needs time and space. Then on the 15th he came and got some more clothes. His seem so uncomfortable and wanted to get in and out of the house as fast a possible. He wouldn’t even look at me but he did give me a hug and forehead kiss good bye. Then the following we he picked me up for ice cream and out of habit I put my hand on his back and I felt him tense up. Then when he dropped me off I gave him a kiss on the lips which he seemed uncomfortable by it so I apologized. Then a few days later he picked me up and we got dinner and he came into the house and seemed relaxed. Then before he left he asked for a hug he said he need it. So we hugged and he asked for a kiss. Then another few days later I asked him to lunch and when we got to the house we made out like kids again. He wanted to go farther but I said I couldn’t because it would hurt my feelings afterwards. He said we shouldn’t since things still are not sure. He tried again a few more times. Then two days later I asked if he wanted to hang out he said he had to work 13hrs so did not know. Well we did not hang out he texted me a few hours after he got off saying sorry he fell asleep. Then the next day he got his paycheck and asked if I wanted to meet so I could put it into the bank. When we met up first thing he said was how good I looked. Then he smacked me on the bum and told me to go shopping and gave me a few goodbye kisses and was calling me the name he usually does. Yesterday, we had to do financial stuff so he came to the house. He called me by that name again smacked me on the bum as I was carrying pet food. When I went outside I slipped an apology/future plans note into his truck. When we were done with business we hugged for awhile and then he kissed me on the lips and left. When he got outside he found the note and read it. He texted me that it was very sweet. I asked if he was ready to talk about what is going on he said IDK. I said you don’t have anything you’re ready to share where your head is he said no I don’t. He has been out of the house for 17 days. Communication has not stopped, he calls or text several times a day. Up until two nights ago he would send good night text with a kissing face emoji. I have limited the amount I reach out first. I just do not understand wants going on. It so back and forth, like one minute I feel like we are making progress then I feel like he’s never coming home. Our issues stem from several miscarriages that put me into a depression and I forgot to show him that he is loved and appreciated. He is my best friend and my person. I want for him to come home but I am not pressing him as he says that makes things worse. Should I hold onto hope or work on moving on? He has not told any of his family and is currently living at his work in his truck. We usually do something with his dad every Friday but he has told me not to say anything just tell them we have other plans.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Stop pursuing him. I am suspecting another woman, and think you should check the phone bill, but…….. chasing pushes them farther away. Let him chase you. If he doesn’t, he was going to leave anyway.

Something is up. He’s not telling you what. I think it’s because it’s not you, it’s him with interest elsewhere. Otherwise, he’d tell you the problem and give you the chance to fix it.

Do some detective work.


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## Electraglide (Jan 1, 2022)

There is no other women.


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## MattOly94 (Nov 20, 2021)

I agree with Evinrude58….do not chase him. It will push him farther away and wont work regardless of what you say and do. I, unfortunately, made this mistake when my STBXW brought up divorce. I chased her around for a month begging her to stay and talking abour the future etc. i think it pushed her even farther away, maybe if I had not done that she could have changed her mind? Maybe maybe not but it made me look very weak and sad and it honestly messed with my mind so much. Constantly wondering. So dont chase him. He could be having an affair so if you want to dig deeper, go for it just be prepared for the consequences. You sound like a great gal who deserves much better and if he cannot provide you with what you need, move on.


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## Chaotic_Aquarian (Feb 8, 2021)

You have my sympathies regarding the miscarriages. Did the apology letter you wrote to him suggest therapy for both of you? 
From what you wrote, I speculate that either A: there is another woman B: he's back on the drugs C: all of the above.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

Drugs.


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## CrAzYdOgLaDy (Mar 22, 2021)

Possibly back on drugs and too ashamed to tell you. I don't get he is having an affair from what you have mentioned.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

Electraglide said:


> There is no other women.


How are you so sure? His behavior seems to have come from out of nowhere. Or as Andy said, what about drug use. His behavior is quite erratic


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## Electraglide (Jan 1, 2022)

I don’t know any addict that would give up their paycheck besides $100. Dope is not cheap. The only reoccurring number is mine. I don’t peruse him he is the one reaching out to me.


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## A18S37K14H18 (Dec 14, 2021)

Electraglide said:


> There is no other women.


OP, I do NOT want there to be another woman. I hope there isn't.

I've been down that road, cheated on.

I'm not saying there is another lady, none of us on here know that, but you don't know that either.

You hope there isn't, you don't want there to be another lady, but this is suspicious.

Others have already told you to begin looking, to dig into this.

Why?

Here is why?

When one is seeing another person, they are in the "fog" of said romance, affair etc. and due to that they aren't thinking right, clearly etc.

And, IF this is the case, all of your efforts to find out what is going with him and the two of you won't work if you simply dismiss that there is another woman.

IF there is another woman, it needs to be found out and said affair needs to be stopped dead in tracks by you exposing it to her partner, if she has one, to him and to others.

Why? Exposing an affair and shining the light of day on it is what stops them and you will need this to be stopped in order to have any chance of addressing whatever the issues are between the two of you.

While he's in an affair, in the fog of the affair, he will NOT work on those things with you.

Again, he might not be having an affair. Again, I hope he isn't.

But you shouldn't just dismiss this out of hand.

Do some digging. When you do, hopefully you find out that he isn't and that would be great news.

But if he is, you need to know and blow it out of the water to have any chance of resolving the issues.

I've been cheated on, several times, so I really hope there isn't another lady for your sake.

But you need to check.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

Evinrude58 said:


> Stop pursuing him. I am suspecting another woman,


maybe not.
he might have been "self medicating" by taking the drugs.
you weaned him off of the drugs, but the underlying mental issue still remained.
If he is depressed, or some other mental issue, and no longer has pot to smoke or whatever....things might be building up to the point where he just blurts out hurtful stuff.

any chance you could get a psychiatrist to evaluate him. He maybe be just a short step away from being a good husband again IF he were given the right medication....


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