# When such little things drive her crazy



## Woola66

What do you do when little things like someone not wiping off the counter after making toast just drive her crazy to the point she gets nasty. It's not like it happens all the time, so I don't know why it's such a big deal. There's other things, mainly to do with housecleaning. I do my fair share of the housework but don't get bent out of shape if something isn't perfect. How do I handle it when she gets nasty over stuff like that.


----------



## PBear

This is the same woman who gets nasty when you don't give her the right orgasms after hours of trying? Or am I mixing up my threads?

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## YinPrincess

She sounds like a very unhappy person. I feel for her 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Woola66

PBear said:


> This is the same woman who gets nasty when you don't give her the right orgasms after hours of trying? Or am I mixing up my threads?
> 
> C
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yes, it is. We resolved a lot of that last night. See the other thread for more details on that.

I know that some people are like that about their house. My mother was borderline OCD, so I grew up with it. But these things seem to bother her to the extreme. I'm not sure if she's trying to control some stuff like that because she is having trouble controlling her body and so she feels that this is one area she can have control over? Does that sound crazy? 

I try to keep the mess to a minimum because I don't like a messy house either. But I don't have a meltdown if there's a few crumbs on the table or something like that. And she doesn't do it all the time, just sometimes. I guess I'm asking how do I handle it at the time? How do I defuse the situation so that there's not a big fight over it? 

I don't want you all to think that she's a horrible person. There are just a few areas where she can be a little difficult and I have my own faults, that's for sure. She's one of the most generous people I know and very loving for the most part. She's the person I have the most fun with and a blessing to me in so many ways. There are just some problem areas that I need to address and I need some advice about.


----------



## deejov

Try reading this, give her a copy
Annoying Habits

Annoying Habits can drain the "love deposits".

Short of quoting Dear Abby... "don't leave crumbs on the counter"
you can also make fun of it. Point out that you want "crumb free" as a slogan for a t-shirt, laugh about when you clean it up, don't make it a big deal. Kiss her and tell her you love her for cleaning it up for you, but having each other is more important. You know.. make it silly.

But the point is if something annoys your partner and you continue to do it, it can cause resentment. Might seem silly to you, but you can lighten it up or make an effort not to do it.


----------



## LaxUF

I have OCD and cannot stand crumbs on the counter (in addition to several other quirks that others may not find so upsetting)... 

I have a much harder time with letting things slide if there are multiple "quirks" being pushed and when there are underlying (unrelated) issues at play. 

You might gently inquire or investigate to find out what else may be eating at her nerves in order to find a solution or compromise.


----------



## norajane

When I've expressed anger over nit-picky things, sometimes it's because of the nit-picky thing itself, like leaving the toilet seat up. Meaning, it's probably something that gets on my nerves to a major extent, and I've probably explained it and have reminded over and over already. So when it happens again and again despite my pleas, it starts to feel like a passive-aggressive or aggressive or uncaring thing for my partner to keep doing it.

If I start to consistently express anger or frustration over a lot of different nit-picky things, then I'm usually expressing how I'm feeling in the relationship and about my partner. It's a sign that something's wrong, a deeper issue, and it's not about cleaning the crumbs.

If I were to be "nasty" about it? I've probably lost some respect for the relationship and maybe for my partner. Exasperated is one thing; nasty is unkind and unnecessary. Nasty is directed at you - you are the target. 

If she's being nasty to you, I think you should tell her that it upsets you that she talks to you like that, and ask her not to. Ask her give some thought to what is going on in her head and heart, and to be honest with you about it.


----------



## waiwera

She does it because she can and you let her by the sounds of it. She is being rude and disrepectful...bet she wouldn't speak to her boss/church leader/mother like that (someone she repects).

I would pull her up on it every time, say " Please don't speak to me like that" and do it everytime she speaks rudely to you.. consistancy is crucial. I'm sure she knows she doing it...you just need to set some boundaries.

There is a very appropriate quote for this...

" If I am not for myself...who will be? "

Pirke Arot


----------



## LovesHerMan

There are 2 ways to approach this. You can make a light-hearted joke whenever she says things like this. Smile and slap her behind or give her a kiss when you do this.

The other idea is to say, "Why does this bother you?" Tell her you cannot walk on eggshells and have a satisfying relationship. Say you will do your best to change what you can, i.e. picking up your socks or cleaning out the bathtub drain. But you cannot have her sniping at every little thing you do. She can either be right or she can have a happy marriage.


----------



## sisters359

If it is just sometimes, not every time you leave something undone, then I would bet her response is more dependent on her hormone levels swinging around. That's not an excuse, that is an explanation. She has no right to lash out, so she could see her doc and discuss this. I know that when I was on the pill many years ago, I would suddenly feel enraged or hopeless over the littlest things. Those sudden bursts of emotion went away when I went off the pill; problem solved. (For the record, I didn't lash out--but I sure as heck wanted to!!)


----------



## FirstYearDown

norajane said:


> *When I've expressed anger over nit-picky things, sometimes it's because of the nit-picky thing itself, like leaving the toilet seat up. Meaning, it's probably something that gets on my nerves to a major extent, and I've probably explained it and have reminded over and over already. So when it happens again and again despite my pleas, it starts to feel like a passive-aggressive or aggressive or uncaring thing for my partner to keep doing it.*
> 
> If I start to consistently express anger or frustration over a lot of different nit-picky things, then I'm usually expressing how I'm feeling in the relationship and about my partner. It's a sign that something's wrong, a deeper issue, and it's not about cleaning the crumbs.
> 
> If I were to be "nasty" about it? I've probably lost some respect for the relationship and maybe for my partner. Exasperated is one thing; nasty is unkind and unnecessary. Nasty is directed at you - you are the target.
> 
> If she's being nasty to you, I think you should tell her that it upsets you that she talks to you like that, and ask her not to. Ask her give some thought to what is going on in her head and heart, and to be honest with you about it.


:iagree::iagree::iagree:

Recently, I have had a lot of issues with my husband not taking care of his appearance. We agreed that letting himself go is not acceptable or loving, especially since I try to look very nice for both of us. For example, I bought lingerie yesterday and I am getting my nails done this afternoon. Yesterday, he went out in public in track pants *again *and I was very upset. We had a lengthy discussion less than three days ago and here he was doing the same sh!t!

My husband and I have a very passionate relationship. Unfortunately, that means that we fight as hard as we love. 

We have both improved our communication styles. He has learned to be comfortable with conversing; my husband is an extremely introverted man who lives in his solitary world of math and logic. I have become much more respectful and assertive rather than aggressive. 

My husband will firmly put me in my place when I forget and go back to my old mouthy ways. There is no "_asking_" me not to, it is _telling _me that such words/tone will not be tolerated. He will speak in such a harsh and commanding tone that all I can squeak out is a meek "Sorry." I deserve that response if I have been raising my voice, shouting or being rude....love it when the Alpha comes out! :smthumbup:


----------



## growtogether

What is behind her way of wanted the house perfect in all time? If you ask her that question, what would she says? Often, behind those ways of acting, there is something else that want to be respect. 
I can see that you do you part in this house, does she see it? Does she notice it? How would she react if you ask her what is more important, me trying to keep the house nice or the house being perfect in all time?


----------



## Runs like Dog

There are no supervisors at home. If you see something you don't like fix it yourself. If you can't change it, slap on headphones and ignore it.


----------



## koolasma

My husband and I have a very passionate relationship. Unfortunately, that means that we fight as hard as we love.


----------



## Runs like Dog

Drive her crazy? Hell, I'm sitting in the back of bus as she gets up from the drivers seat and we go over the cliff.


----------

