# GUys what do you REALLY think about your girl behind closed doors.



## aston (Oct 24, 2011)

OK so guys a question for us all, and I thought I would just ask as I know we all have an opinion on it!

What do you really think of wife/GF's privates and prowess behind closed doors...HONESTLY?

Not trying to be a perv but I have a few friends who outwardly love their women but in private complain about one thing or another behind closed doors. I found this out after my divorce when theystarted telling me "stuff" they don't REALLY like about their women...especially in the bedroom.

Everything from hygeine, to doing all the "work" in the sac, to "letting herself go", you name it I've heard it lol.

Hence my question.


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## walkingwounded (May 7, 2011)

I would *love* to be a fly on the wall if my H had this conversation. I suspect it would be very illuminating one way or another...


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

100% sure my DH would speak highly of me bc that's just the kinda guy I married.Plus,I'm pretty fabulous to him.

 

My exH would likely speak highly of me as well but he'd throw in a few insults about my jiggly butt I'm sure.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

I don't discuss to much. But what is said is all good. If I have a dislike of something, I always talk to my wife about it. She gets first input on all my thoughts. I have a younger friend that I discuss things with, but just to give him pointers with his wife.


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## hambone (Mar 30, 2013)

I love my wife with all my heart and soul..

I would never speak ill of her behind her back..


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## hambone (Mar 30, 2013)

hambone said:


> I love my wife with all my heart and soul..
> 
> I would never speak ill of her behind her back..




At the same time... We have such a close and loving relationship.. We have no secrets.

Two situations. 

We have friends, a married couple. The husband just had cancer surgery. They removed a kidney and it has spread to his lungs. His wife found out that he was diabetic. I'm talking insulin dependent diabetic... for 20+ years. How do you hide needles and insulin from your wife? WHY would you do that????? 

We another couple, married friends. Wife told my wife that she NEVER goes to the doctor with her husband... He won't let her!!!

Are you kidding me? I take my wife to EVERY doctor's appt. 

I thank God every day that my wife and I have a close loving relationship... That's the way we both want it...


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## aston (Oct 24, 2011)

I just found it interesting how after my divorce a few yrs ago all these friends who I honestly didn't even know how to face after being divorced (seeing how lovingly and affectionately they held their wives and husbands) started telling me things. Especually things about their spouses that drove them crazy and though they'd consider divorce they just couldn't pull the trigger (fear of change, kids, financial etc).

Thats the genesis of why I tend to view the whole "I'm sooo gaga over my spouse" a bit skeptically. Don't get me wrong being in love is a good thing but when it's over exaggerated I get a bit skeptical.


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## hambone (Mar 30, 2013)

aston said:


> I just found it interesting how after my divorce a few yrs ago all these friends who I honestly didn't even know how to face after being divorced (seeing how lovingly and affectionately they held their wives and husbands) started telling me things. Especually things about their spouses that drove them crazy and though they'd consider divorce they just couldn't pull the trigger (fear of change, kids, financial etc).
> 
> Thats the genesis of why I tend to view the whole "I'm sooo gaga over my spouse" a bit skeptically. Don't get me wrong being in love is a good thing but when it's over exaggerated I get a bit skeptical.


I have seen several cases... where a couple was so lovey dovey in public. Like sugar coated. "High sweetie pie!!! I LOOOOOVE you so much"... the kind of gooey sweetness that makes you sick to your stomach...

And what I find out in the past was that it was always a façade.. They end up getting divorced and oh lord.. once that door is cracked... they gooey gooey love turns into hate like you've never seen it before. They can't wait to unload on you all the bad things their spouse did...

It was all for show. Those kind of people, appearances mean everything to them.. Their whole life is a facade..


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## aston (Oct 24, 2011)

hambone said:


> I have seen several cases... where a couple was so lovey dovey in public. Like sugar coated. "High sweetie pie!!! I LOOOOOVE you so much"... the kind of gooey sweetness that makes you sick to your stomach...
> 
> And what I find out in the past was that it was always a façade.. They end up getting divorced and oh lord.. once that door is cracked... they gooey gooey love turns into hate like you've never seen it before. They can't wait to unload on you all the bad things their spouse did...
> 
> It was all for show. Those kind of people, appearances mean everything to them.. Their whole life is a facade..


Exactly what I'm talking about. My neighbor (when I was married) and his wife were like that. Too much PDA and public declarations of how they felt about each other (among other things). Turned out he was miserable, she was doing another neighbor and experimenting with the swinging lifestyle while he was out doing the same at the fire house (he was the fire dept chief). Needless to say the divorce was so ugly it was in the newspapers all over the state and local tabloids.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

She's the best, always was... just wish she didn't demand it so often tis all.


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## aston (Oct 24, 2011)

RandomDude said:


> She's the best, always was... just wish she didn't demand it so often tis all.


Keyword.."*demand"* :lol:


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

I think what you are observing is the classic case of not airing your dirty laundry in public and projecting the best possible image you can to the outside world. Everyone does this to varying degrees. I would also guess that the likelihood that your friends who decided to open up to you about their spouses have probably already told their spouses these things anyways. Due to keeping up public appearances, both probably instinctively keep their differences in private and project a united front.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

I wonder how much of this is a difference between men and women. My experiences are that women are more likely to complain to their girlfriends about their man than a man is to complain about his woman to his guy friends.

I was listening to a radio show yesterday, and they were talking about something along these lines. I wish I could find the studies the were talking about, but when asked the question "Who do you think is the sexiest man/woman alive?", the majority of men named their female partners, and the majority of women named a male celebrity.


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## aston (Oct 24, 2011)

samyeagar said:


> I wonder how much of this is a difference between men and women. My experiences are that women are more likely to complain to their girlfriends about their man than a man is to complain about his woman to his guy friends.
> 
> I was listening to a radio show yesterday, and they were talking about something along these lines. I wish I could find the studies the were talking about, but when asked the question "Who do you think is the sexiest man/woman alive?", the majority of men named their female partners, and the majority of women named a male celebrity.


I know that show  hehehe and that is true. Most of the ones that "came out" to me were predominantly women. Maybe it's because women tend to readily complain (or voice their discontent) more than men. Whereas men either solve the problem or pretend it doesn't exist until they have no other option but to confront it lol


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

samyeagar said:


> I wonder how much of this is a difference between men and women. My experiences are that women are more likely to complain to their girlfriends about their man than a man is to complain about his woman to his guy friends.


I used to have that pattern of complaining about my partner to my mother of all people.She'd complain.I'd complain.We'd thrive off the negativity cycle.

I realized it was better to NEVER speak ill of your spouse to ANYONE except maybe a therapist. Speaking only positive things about your partner helps you focus more on their good qualities and makes you feel more lovey in general toward them.
Even if I'm angry at him,I find it keeps my heart open toward him when I speak highly of him to others especially during those angry times.


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## aston (Oct 24, 2011)

ScarletBegonias said:


> I used to have that pattern of complaining about my partner to my mother of all people.She'd complain.I'd complain.We'd thrive off the negativity cycle.
> 
> I realized it was better to NEVER speak ill of your spouse to ANYONE except maybe a therapist. Speaking only positive things about your partner helps you focus more on their good qualities and makes you feel more lovey in general toward them.
> Even if I'm angry at him,I find it keeps my heart open toward him when I speak highly of him to others especially during those angry times.


Very well said!!:iagree: If a girlfriend speaks highly of me there's no limit to how far I will goto make her happy.


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## hambone (Mar 30, 2013)

ScarletBegonias said:


> I used to have that pattern of complaining about my partner to my mother of all people.She'd complain.I'd complain.We'd thrive off the negativity cycle.
> 
> I realized it was better to NEVER speak ill of your spouse to ANYONE except maybe a therapist. Speaking only positive things about your partner helps you focus more on their good qualities and makes you feel more lovey in general toward them.
> Even if I'm angry at him,I find it keeps my heart open toward him when I speak highly of him to others especially during those angry times.


I agree that talking ill about your spouce... especially to your family does nothing but put you in the position of having to pick between your family and your spouse. Not good.

However, there is one exception. 

Don't be telling your friends and family how wonderful your spouse is if things are terrible. Your mom needs to know enough... if there is abuse going on... they they suspect your spouse if you turn up dead in a ditch.


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## aston (Oct 24, 2011)

hambone said:


> I agree that talking ill about your spouce... especially to your family does nothing but put you in the position of having to pick between your family and your spouse. Not good.
> 
> However, there is one exception.
> 
> Don't be telling your friends and family how wonderful your spouse is if things are terrible. Your mom needs to know enough... if there is abuse going on... they they suspect your spouse if you turn up dead in a ditch.


and don't be rude, condescending or disrespectful towards your spouse in front of your family and/or friends. It will make even them wonder what kinds of spouse you are if/when you bad mouth your spouse.


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## questar1 (Aug 4, 2011)

My H turns to a no-nonsense, down-to-earth, long-term, married female friend of his for advice on how to handle me when we disagree or I've done something questionable... or wonders about some female thing or other that I've tracked into our relationship or cupboards.

She has, 100% of the time, backed me up. Each time, he has assumed she will agree with HIM. It's hilarious. He comes back sputtering: "I talked to [friend] and she says YOU'RE RIGHT! I don't get it!" 

She is a good friend of our marriage and tells the truth, flat out. 

It's risky to just dish and vent to people who don't care one way or another what the outcome will be, if they have some random opinion or help fan the flames of despair or distress. Find a good listener who knows you and and your marriage. 

Sometimes we really do need an outside ear to help us see the whole picture or give us a perspective. We can get so wrapped up in our own POV. 

In terms of whether he has complaints about me physically.... he sees tons of undressed folks in his job as Dr. and so I believe him when he says we're both doing damn fine "for a couple of old people."

I think so too....(doesn't hurt that he's a doc and I part-time as a personal trainer!)


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