# Newby here



## Richard Cranium

Hello all I come searching for help... I've been married less than a year but we have been together for over 6 years. We have 1 kid together and she has 2 from a previous marriage.


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## Northenguy

Hmm and what ate u looking for?
Speek an u will be answerd


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## Richard Cranium

Sorry, posted and it wouldn't let me edit or reply to continue with my introduction. 

So my wife and I have been together about 6.5 years married less than one year. I have NEVER considered cheating I love her whole heatedly... Until recently.... I met s girl through with who is very attractive and I can't get her out of my head like I imagine her when I kiss my wife and make love to my wife I imagine the other girl. I don't want to but I can't help it. Please give me some advice


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## x598

you just GET AWAY from the other girl.


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## Prodigal

Is the woman you find attractive a coworker? Neighbor? Attends the same gym?


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## SpinyNorman

If this is supposed to tell us anything other than you're attracted to someone, please clarify:
I met s girl through with who is very attractive

If you just fantasize about someone that isn't a big deal, and getting wound up about it may make it worse. If you're considering cheating or reconsidering your relationship that is a big deal.


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## sunsetmist

If we could invent pills that produced good character and integrity, do you suppose anyone would take them?


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## MattMatt

Richard Cranium said:


> Sorry, posted and it wouldn't let me edit or reply to continue with my introduction.
> 
> So my wife and I have been together about 6.5 years married less than one year. I have NEVER considered cheating I love her whole heatedly... Until recently.... I met s girl through with who is very attractive and I can't get her out of my head like I imagine her when I kiss my wife and make love to my wife I imagine the other girl. I don't want to but I can't help it. Please give me some advice


Do not do anything about it. Not a damn thing.

Eventually this will fade.


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## Northenguy

You know what you have but you dont know what you get.
What did you see and think on the day of your wedding?


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## Richard Cranium

I love my wife and don't regret marrying her, and in 6 years I've never been attracted to another woman like I am now. Me and my wife have been in a rough chapter the last few weeks but we still love each other and have been intement. But I can't seem to shake the new girl. I mean like I constantly find my mind wandering and thinking about her. Our conversations have been strctly work related but I just can't shake the thoughts of her. I would never cheat on my wife that's just not who I am. But I have thought about it with the new girl...


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## TRy

Richard Cranium said:


> So my wife and I have been together about 6.5 years married less than one year. I have NEVER considered cheating I love her whole heatedly... Until recently.... I met s girl through with who is very attractive and I can't get her out of my head like I imagine her when I kiss my wife and make love to my wife I imagine the other girl.


You “have been together about 6.5 years”. It is called the 7 year itch.


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## Lostinthought61

Richard it is not uncommon that we find other people attractive or find that we a kinship with another, however acting upon that is where we go awry, to engage by means of anything but platonic serves you no pleasure in the long run. What you need to do is ask yourself why her, what is it about her, deconstruct every element, it could be the way she dresses, or comments, it could be anything, but by doing so it can help you better understand yourself and your attraction towards her. Once you gain that insight you might find that she has less appeal for you.....and you can refocus on your marriage and your wife. A shiny new penny looks shiny until it isn't then it becomes another coin in the jar.


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## SpinyNorman

Richard Cranium said:


> I would never cheat on my wife that's just not who I am.


You've got this. You're getting good advice, quit worrying.

Your subconscious tries out lots of possibilities, some of them could be helpful, some of them WOULD be disastrous. I can't look at an antitheft system w/o part of me figuring out how I'd beat it. That's my subconscious. My conscious is, I don't steal.


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## Emerging Buddhist

Your rough chapter may be because you are unmindfully distracted... do not allow a frivolous desire to derail the good in your life.


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## Yeswecan

Richard Cranium said:


> Sorry, posted and it wouldn't let me edit or reply to continue with my introduction.
> 
> So my wife and I have been together about 6.5 years married less than one year. I have NEVER considered cheating *I love her whole heatedly*... Until recently.... I met s girl through with who is very attractive and I can't get her out of my head like I imagine her when I kiss my wife and make love to my wife I imagine the other girl. I don't want to but I can't help it. Please give me some advice


NO YOU DON'T. STOP. Your W deserves better.


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## SpinyNorman

Yeswecan said:


> NO YOU DON'T. STOP.  Your W deserves better.


I think you can love someone wholehea[r]tedly and still fantasize about someone else.


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## StillSearching

STOP or you will truly be a Richard Cranium! 

A broke, lonely, don't see your kids enough Richard Cranium.


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## Decorum

This is all biology, and emotional neediness. 

You are attracted to her and needy. 

Compartmentalize it because of that, and detached intentionally, this is all in your lymbic system, Cranium, use your big head, lol.


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## Yeswecan

SpinyNorman said:


> I think you can love someone wholehea[r]tedly and still fantasize about someone else.


OP stated he has thought about cheating with the apparent dream girl. It has gotten past a fantasy.


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## sunsetmist

What would you tell your wife if this were her dilemma (another hunky man featured in her psyche)? What advice would perpetuate the cheating? What advice would eliminate the risk?

My advice to you is no contact with the interloper. How much self-discipline do you have--no matter how difficult this is? What would make you feel best about your life a year from now?


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## Diana7

You do realise that you can control your thoughts don't you?


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## SpinyNorman

Yeswecan said:


> OP stated he has thought about cheating with the apparent dream girl. It has gotten past a fantasy.


What I would want to know is if he just fantasized about it, or is contemplating an affair. He did say in post #10 he would never cheat on his wife.


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## SpinyNorman

Diana7 said:


> You do realise that you can control your thoughts don't you?


I'm not sure how our thoughts are generated. What makes you so sure?


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