# just told my wife im not in love with her!



## coominya (Mar 21, 2010)

hi,

My wife and i have been together for 10 years, married for 3 and have a 1 year old boy. 

just to give some background:
my wife suffers from depression and has been taking drugs for her condition for the past 8 years. we are best friends and love to be with each other as much as possible. the sex has vertualy gone from the relationship, passion aswell. my wife has a drinking problem and won't do anything about it. what happens is: we go to friends houses for a few drinks and to play cards etc.. once she has had a few, the personality switch comes on and she is a totaly different person. she wants to party party party and will walk out the door all by herself and go wherever she can find people to entertain her.
this is unstoppable without tying her down, or excessive arguing. this has been happening on and off for 9 years. since we have had our child i have had to take the responibility of looking after our son. I told her that i am not going to try and stop it anymore and if she organises to go out then i dont see to much harm in that.
the other night we were heading over to our neighbours when she jumped in the shower, put a full face of makeup on ( she doesn't wear makeup unless going out ), i questioned her and she denied anything other than going next door. after a few drinks she carried on in her normal self ( as described before ) and decided to go for a walk, when asked if it was to the pub she said no i just need to walk off the alcohol. any way i suggested that if she wanted i would give her a lift to the pub and this i did. i went home and put my son to bed and myself aswell.

my wife stumbled in after 6am the next morning with tattoo's drawn in pen all over her arms. and nothing to say of what happened other then " some guy drew them on me "

we had plans for the whole weekend, as she really wants me to organize, as she hates being bored at home on weekends.
all the plans were ruined and my weekend again thrown astray. 

i mention the above as just being this past experience, but it is one that i have experienced many many , many times in the past. 

she has been unfaithfull once before in one of these situations and i took her back with the condition that she gets help with her drinking problem. this never happened and now i really have fallen out of love with her. yet i still love her. but i dont like her. 

when she is sober she is a great women and i would be with her till the day i die but now she is planning behind my back and i am over it!!


i have told her that i am not in love with her. i have made it clear for my reasons and i am moving into the room downstairs as i want to see my son as much as possible.

thanks for listening and any advice would be taken on board.

p.s : 

i don't want to be the one making all the effort if we are to reconcile! although i do want to be back with her.


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## Jdack (Dec 3, 2009)

Coominya,

This is a tough place to be with a child and sounds like she needs to grow up. Did your wife want to have children in the first place? 

If you took her back after being unfaithful with conditions that she get control of her drinking, then you have to make sure you stick to this if she agreed to get help. IF you have been allowing her behavior to go on, unfortunately this is partly your fault too and she may need you to step up and help her to get help. HAs your wife indicated that she would like to sto drinking or get it under control? You chose to marry and have a child with a woman that behaved this way before - not easy to change someone and you accepted this behavior from the start. Maybe if she can get some help with alcoholism, things may get better and you may have to make this a condition for you to stick around.

Have you thought about going to a councellor to try and get some help ? Alcoholism doesn't seem like the only problem here.

I hope you can get the help you need.


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

Your wife has some serious issues. It sounds like the drugs aren't working and drinking heavily while on psychotropic medication is definitely not a good thing! 

So many people are diagnosed as "depressed" by their family doctor and handed some pills and call it a day. What your wife needs is to be seen by a psychiatrist (medical doctor) if she hasn't been to one already and some serious counseling in conjunction with medical care. Perhaps a stay in a hospital is in order. Unfortunately until SHE decides to change and make a difference in her life all the yelling at her isn't going to convince her.

Problem is, by taking care of your son and basically sticking around you are enabling her to continue on with this behavior. Perhaps it's time that you make plans to actually leave the house (AND TAKE YOUR SON WITH YOU) and give her an ultimatum that she needs to check into a hospital for a proper diagnosis and get her life on track. Unfortunately she's a lot like any person who is an alchoholic and/or addict and needs to figure a lot of this out for herself and WANT to change. Perhaps if you leave and take your child with you this will provide the incentive she needs. Hopefully. 

I wish you luck. I feel badly for your wife and in many ways I can relate to her.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

What about an intervention?

Barring that, you could start by NOT enabling her drinking. Let alone driving her to a bar. That's where I would start.


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