# struggling with ex dating, why after all this time



## f1r3f1y3 (Dec 8, 2009)

WHY is it hurting me so much that she is seeing someone else.

She cheated on me, we've been separated 6 months, we're getting divorced on good terms. We agree on childcare, our son is happy.

I've realised that myself and my wife are just not compatible at all. I didn't take the end of our relationship with any massive difficulty. Sure I was hurt about the cheating and the lies, but the actual breakdown of our marriage was slow and came gradually. Finding out about the cheating was just the last nail in the coffin. It was more relief when we actually separated.

She takes our son on the weekends, but she had asked for today and tonight off to go out. Fine by me, she needs to start a life too. I know she has a boyfriend that hasn't seemed to lift her spirits much. She dropped our son off about an hour ago and she was already dressed up.

It's great that she is moving on as this has been a very difficult time for her, and if she can be happy, it helps me too as there is less conflict, which in turns helps with our son.

So why am I struggling with the fact she has a boyfriend and is going out? I feel like I want to keep texting her today.


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## DjF (Nov 24, 2010)

don't know, still trying to salvage our marriage here, but I wonder if it is harder to give up on the relationship than it is the person???...
You can let the ex walk away, but that doesn't help fill the quiet spaces in our own lives...doesn't fill the empty space in the bedroom...so, we know the person is gone, but we try to keep the relationship going in our own heart...

don't know really, just thinking...


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## Atholk (Jul 25, 2009)

Because despite everything that's happened between you both, you still have a residual pair bond feeling for her. It's primarily a Vasopressin hormonal attachment inside you.

The solution is fairly simple... start dating yourself.


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## f1r3f1y3 (Dec 8, 2009)

I should mention that I did meet someone I get on, we're dating (v slowly).

I can't shake the thoughts of her with someone else. Strange as I've already had to come to terms with her have an affair for a year, which now doesn't bother me much


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## jmfabulous (Jan 19, 2011)

IMO, I'm not sure you grieved the "loss" when it was all happening. Now, the finality is happening,and you are beginning to grieve.


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## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

Atholk said:


> The solution is fairly simple... start dating yourself.


if only it were that simple & easy


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## f1r3f1y3 (Dec 8, 2009)

Maybe I do love my wife and I never dealt with it. I have never even cried once about the whole thing.

I am extremely sexually attracted to her. I really don't mean to sound like a pig, but I am attracted to her to the point it's driving me crazy. Is this normal?? I do have a little bit of a sex life elsewhere, I don't feel hard up in general. She just drives me crazy which is probably why I married her.

I could never trust her again though. We're not even that compatible clearly as our marriage broke down spectacularly.

It is very frustrating as I have spent the last 5-6 months realtively happy and believing I was doing well and making sensible choices.

I don't know what to do about this girl I am dating. I thought I was doing fine with that a few weeks back and now I feel I'll have to end it as things are not as rosy as I thought they were. On paper she is the absolute perfect match for me. I think I'll regret ending it in a few years when I look back at this, but it's unfair to continue with her right? She lives a fair way from me so we've not become extremely close yet but feel that is only a matter of time if we continue as we are.

eugh


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## Mr.T (Jan 30, 2011)

IMO, with this "new" girl friend, I would keep taking things slow. I have seen for myself the emotional roller-coaster. Sometimes it has taken me a day or two to get out of a slump. Keep what yo have for the time being and take it slow. The girlfriend could help deal with some of your feelings. Just my 2 cents.


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