# Happy marriage after infidelity a fairy tale?



## Riven (May 4, 2012)

It's been 6 weeks since my D day, it was a drunken one night deal, not a long term EA. He's trying really hard, been sober since, quit watching porn, and is smothered in guilt about what happened. He's been trying really hard to get everything "better", and is truly remorseful. Some days I'll be really happy then it hits me like a ton of bricks what happened and I have to work hard to keep myself from a total melt down. It is getting better though...

What I'd really like to know is has anyone else in a similar situation found true happiness again. Did these moments fade? How long before you felt like life was back to "normal"?

I know everyone is different, each relationship is different, etc. Just looking for an idea, because sometimes when I start to go down, I wonder if it will even stop.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

it's a long road but it can be done

off the top of my head, the following posters have done it-

me (you can read my story in my signature link)
Hope
Sigma and betterthanbefore
Beowulf and Morrigan
LordMayhem


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## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

Here as well........finally. It has taken 5 years but I can truely say our relationship is better now than it has ever been in every aspect. 

It takes a long time. Years. It's not easy but it is worth it.


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## DanF (Sep 27, 2010)

Me, too. Read my stories and have your husband read them on how we repaired the damage.
Also understand that 6 weeks in to this ordeal, neither one of you has felt the full emotional upheaval. Don't rush it, this healing process takes time. Lots of time and lots of communication.


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## Tasorundo (Apr 1, 2012)

Riven, it is very wierd, but I am a husband that 6 weeks ago had a drunken ONS.

I would say that in a lot of ways our marriage is already better than it was before. There are a lot of things to work through still, but I can see from here the potential to have a much better relationship than we had before.

I am not glad for what I did, and I dont want it to sound like I am. I am deeply saddened that this is what it took for me to start improving a lot of things in life. However, this is where I am and I can only move from where I start.


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## better than before (Aug 3, 2011)

Yes, almost 2 years for us. I still have my moments of sadness over it, but we have a great marriage now. It can be done, but it takes work, patience, and lots of love.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

My story is linked in my sig. We are 26 months past D Day#1, 19 months past Dday#2. We recently spent two weeks on Kaua'i alone together and it was BLISS. So yeah, it can be done  It is HARD though. Especially for the WS. I would say for me it took probably 15 months after the second D day to really start feeling 'normal', whatever normal is.


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

My d-day was November 29 2011. Six weeks is too early in the process. I am giving R a good try. I live apart from my wife during the week and that has added to more difficulties in healing but things can get better if both of you try.


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## jinba (Apr 26, 2012)

I think it can get better - but everything has to be on the table. No secrets, no lies, no half truths ... because eventually, those things will be discovered and you'll feel like your back at square one.


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## Riven (May 4, 2012)

He has been working hard. He is very remoseful, he never, ever would have done this if he wasn't drunk ass sober, half of the night is a black out, he's not even sure if he did have sex with this woman or not, but she was there and that's enough. 

I wish that he would so me his guilt more, but I am working on understanding that is part of the difference between men and women. He got a job at home, took off 4 weeks for medical leave, counseling and rehab, all of that. 

Sometimes I have times of such happiness now, but then they seem to be crushed by the "how could this happen?" and fall into the deep hole again. I think that this has given the chance for us to work on a lot of things we needed to anyway. It's just that sometimes it's so hard to see if things can get better. We're both doing counseling, and I'm working on some things I've had from childhood. I'm notorious for carrying around things I don't need to be. I carried stuff about my ex for years and years, and when I finally got the courage to tell him how bad I felt, he had forgotten it long ago and was like what are you talking about? So we're really working on me not carrying this forever, not that he didn't do it, or it doesn't hurt, but the part where somehow I think I don't deserve to feel good, to be happy, and all of that. 

I have to do some "homework" for my counselor and read a book, but I'm going to try to read some of the stories. It's especially nice to hear from some of the guys, and from the other side. 

Rasorundo, you sound like my husband, he says the same things that he thinks we can be better before, not that he wished it happened, but since it did, we should take advantage of the chances. He's also admitted to me that he never realized how much I loved him, that he's taken me for granted, and that he never treated me as good as I deserved, which is probably why he felt like I should have treated him better than I did. I admit I'm not perfect. This is what he needed to make the decision that he had a drinking problem and that he needed to change to make us better.

Thank you guys all for replying, sometimes I worry, I know it's still early...


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