# I don't wanna LEAVE the LOVE of my LIFE... BUT.



## shorty123 (Jun 23, 2011)

I NEED ADVICE PEOPLE!

My wife and I have almost made it 7 years! I've been so excited this year. We were married very young. I was 20 and she was 19. Now, I'm 27 and she is 26.... Still NO kids. We were high school sweet hearts and have been IN LOVE for a long time. 

During the beginning part of our marriage, we were typical college kids, except married! Lots of school and work to pay the bills. And alot of immaturity in how we treated each other. But, we continued on. I hurt her by always hanging with the guys and she always cried. In year 3, I learned that for about 8 months she had been texting, excuse me, SEXTING one of our greatest friends. There was NO physical contact, but she was pretty much IN LOVE with this man. I had no CLUE. At the same time, she was sexting another guy that she met out of town... Again, no physical contact, just PICTURE after PICTURE of her nude and talking about sexual things. She was BUSTED! I confronted both of them. They were crushed, so upset for what they had done. So upset for hurting me and going behind my back. 

My wife and I then went to counseling together and then my wife went alone and we went together again after that.... We began to really work at our marriage. Treating eachother with kindness, considering each others needs.... ect. We really grew and matured.... It was awesome. She had another slip up, but I caught it early. No SEXTING, but just too many texts and I knew it would lead to danger. She apologized and was upset with herself. I think she even went back for a few counseling sessions. But I was thankful, I caught it early. 

Its been 3 years now and I would've told you 5 days ago that our marriage was as strong as ever. We are totally in love and happy. We've been thinking about having kids. You name the attributes of a great marriage and we have them going on!

BUTTTTT, hold the phone. I just learned 2 days ago that she has been SEXTING again with someone. I confronted her. She fell to pieces. She has sent nude photos and had very sexual conversations for about 3 weeks. My heart feels like its just been ripped out of my chest! Because of what I do and who she SEXTED with.... My job is in jeopardy. I will have to make a SIGNIFICAN change in my job, maybe even have to move on to another location.

Of course, she is torn to pieces as well. She wants to get help. She is scared to death.... I love her with my whole heart. She is my best friend. She has never PHYSICALLY cheated on me, but this is the 4th guy she has began an inappropriate relationship with..... I don't know what to do. 

Alot of me wants to stand by her.... help her get help and move on once again. But I know that I am risking her doing it again.... maybe next time we will have KIDS.

Then some of me is completely exhausted from all of this TORTURE. We have no kids.... I'm 27 years old.... And I could just go and start over. Get a divorce and move on. 

but then again.... I love her.

ANY ADVICE?!?!?!?! I'm desperate.


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## Acorn (Dec 16, 2010)

shorty123 said:


> this is the 4th guy she has began an inappropriate relationship with.....


If you stay with her, you can pretty much count on there being a #5. I don't think I could live like that no matter how much I loved her.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

I will put it to you this way:

1. 



shorty123 said:


> In year 3, I learned that* for about 8 months she had been texting, excuse me, SEXTING one of our greatest friends*. There was NO physical contact, but *she was pretty much IN LOVE *with this man. I had no CLUE. .


2.



shorty123 said:


> At the same time, *she was sexting another guy *that she met out of town... Again, no physical contact, just PICTURE after PICTURE of her nude and talking about sexual things. She was BUSTED! I confronted both of them. _They were crushed_, so upset for what they had done. _So upset for hurting me and going behind my back_. .



3. 



shorty123 said:


> My wife and I then went to counseling together and then my wife went alone and we went together again after that.... We began to really work at our marriage.* She had another slip up*, but I caught it early. No SEXTING, but just too many texts and I knew it would lead to danger. _She apologized and was upset with herself_.


4. 



shorty123 said:


> Its been 3 years now
> 
> BUTTTTT, hold the phone. *I just learned 2 days ago that she has been SEXTING again with someone.* I confronted her. _She fell to pieces. She has sent nude photos and had very sexual conversations for about 3 weeks_. ].





shorty123 said:


> Of course, she is torn to pieces as well. She wants to get help. She is scared to death.... I love her with my whole heart. She is my best friend. She has never PHYSICALLY cheated on me, but* this is the 4th guy he has began an inappropriate relationship with*..... I don't know what to do.


You say you don't know what to do. Really? Because I see it this way... you can either keep doing what you have been doing your entire marriage (forgiving her and taking her back with zero consequences) and expect the same -- her feeling sad/upset/crushed/torn to pieces ... and then a REPEAT OF THE SAME behavior. It's a pattern. She is a serial cheater.

And now your job is in jeopardy because of her actions. I don't know what she did to put your job in jeopardy or who the guy was cheated with (please explain more of this to us) but apparently her deception and betrayal is now affecting your professional life.

So ask yourself: do you want to stay in a marriage with someone who has zero respect for you? Or do you want to cut your losses an dmove on?

You can't help someone who refuses to change their bad behavior. She has had chance after chance after chance after chance w/ zero consequences.

She does not respect you at all. 

You say it wasn't physical but to me it's just as damaging since there were nude pictures exchanges.. with several men over time, especially one that was your own friend and now one that is effecting your professional life. 

I think you should post this in the "Coping with Infidelity" thread.


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## shorty123 (Jun 23, 2011)

Thank you Jelly Beans and Acorn for your response. 

We she first did all of this behind my back, I didn't respond well. I began to do things behind her back. There was a place where I was getting a massage for a long time.... The lady heard all of my ups and downs over the year and heard about what my wife did behind my back..... And well, that led to a "happy ending" after my massage. That happened several times. 

And one time I had too much to drink and was out of town and a girl brought me to her car and we got in the back seat and was about to have sex, but I stopped and got out of the car and left. 

And one time, I got drunk and Drove my car off the side of the road into a ditch and FORTUNATELY the cops didn't come. If I wouldve been "caught" for a DUI or whatever.... that wouldve cost me my job. 

She doesn't know about the massage or the out of town girl. She does know about the drunk driving.

My point is..... WHO AM I???? I am the guy who didn't get busted. I know I've done wrong before and SHE has loved me thru it. And I know I have done wrong before and havent gotten caught.... She got caught. If all of my JUNK was opened up and thrown on the carpet, I would be so embarrassed for my actions. 

How can I judge her? How can I leave her? 

Some of me wants to leave and just start over with someone who won't do this to me. But then again, who am i to leave her... I'm guilty too.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Confess to her what you did and the cheating. She has a right to know. 

It may actually help you both find a clarity you didn't have before.


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## shorty123 (Jun 23, 2011)

She does deserve to know.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Yes. She does. 100%.


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## dontKnowMe (Jun 1, 2011)

Some psychologists recommend NOT telling a spouse about cheating as it can do much more harm than good.

This is not necessarily my position ... just sayin' is all.


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