# Difficult child stressing EVERYONE out...



## Mrs.K (Apr 12, 2012)

Our son is almost 9 and he is just so damn difficult. Everyone in the house is stressed over it including our other two kids (1.5 &4) Every single time we tell him to do something he stomps his feet, screams, whines and talks back. I just don't see this as 'normal' 9 year old behavior.
Last year is when it started getting really bad so I brought him to our pediatrician and talked about what was going on. From there he sent us to a pediatric neurologist where I was told he has nothing wrong. So now I have to believe he is just being bratty.
The worst part is he NEVER knows when to stop talking. He will argue even when he knows something big is on the line like losing his bike for a couple days if he says one more word.
I just don't know what to do. We have always been very reasonable with him, HA I guess maybe too reasonable? We always let our kids express their feelings and are willing to listen if they are being respectful to others.
Around 3:30 I start getting anxiety because I have to go pick him up from school and sometimes the simplest statement from me will get him going like yesterday when I picked him up I said "we are going to run to the grocery store before we go home". Him "UUUGGHHHHH I just want to go home this is the first day it has been nice out, why didn't you go earlier, now I am never going to be able to go outside" and on and on. If this was in a "oh man" disappointed tone I would be ok with it but his tone was just rude and nasty and he kept it up the whole 20 minutes to the grocery store.

Taking things away from him is proving to not be effective because he doesn't stop talking about it AT ALL. It is a real shame because other than his mouth being out of control he is a really really nice kid. For the most part thoughtful of others and good with his siblings.

Also.. he has never ever ever ONCE gotten in trouble at school. All I hear is how sweet he is when I go to help out or for meetings.:scratchhead:


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

Sounds a little like one of ours and at about the same age. Have him tested for ADHD. For us that's what it turned out to be. My wife and I made changes to how we handled him. Got him involved in disciplined sports and really worked on our patience with him. Now, years later he is doing great. Near straight A student, socially well adjusted and a happy kid. He still has his moments but we are so proud of him. And we all managed to get through it without medication. That was option about 999 as fare as we were concerned.


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## Mrs.K (Apr 12, 2012)

That is great to hear! I think I am going to speak with his ped again and perhaps get a second opinion since many tests were done when this behavior started. 

I do know that we are a big part of the problem. Until recently we have never handed out any real consequences so now he just thinks we are mean when we take something away from him for talking back to us.


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## Thewife (Sep 3, 2007)

He just started doing this when he turned 9? or is it slowly built up over the years? If its sudden then I think he is stressed over something or emotionally disturbed and throwing it on the family. If its built up over the years then it should have stemmed from the lack of limits and may be your discipline strategy doesnt work for him. 

Find the root cause first so that its easier to treat, if the school says he is fine the chances of adhd is less. This is more socio-emotional situation.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Mrs.K said:


> Taking things away from him is proving to not be effective because he doesn't stop talking about it AT ALL.


That`s because you give the stuff back.

Toss out his most loved stuff when he acts like this (and never replace it) and he may be more inclined to stop.
Have him watch you toss it in the trash.

Worked for me.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Why do you engage a 4th grader this way? I wouldn't. This is what we're doing, it will take xyz minutes then we're going home. No you can't sit in the car. This is not a negotiation. 

There's no point in punishing him for arguing with you. Don't argue back. No point in telling someone to stop talking because they're not going to unless and until they start to figure out it won't change the outcome. Tantrums? Go for it. Everyone at the store thinks you're too old for that jerky behavior. Not my problem though. 

I WILL win because my WILL is stronger.


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## Mrs.K (Apr 12, 2012)

Thank you all for the advice! This week has been very peaceful. I refuse to argue back and fourth with him anymore (LOL no matter how bad I am tempted to!) but it seems he has given up trying to get the last word.

We have also come up with the perfect punishment.. If he does the things that are not acceptable he is not allowed to leave the yard. It has happened once he had to stay in the yard for 2 days after school and he was on his best behavior since then. Funny because leaving the yard doesn't allow him to go far just one house up but it is working!


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