# Wife called it quits, working things out in a civic manner



## thussa (Dec 15, 2010)

Before I go into detail I would like to thank Conrad for all the help and suggestion. I really appreciate you taking the time to answer my private messages. Thank you!

So here's the story. It was our 5th anniversary this past Thursday and well, things had been going down the hill for the past couple years, I would say the past 2-3 years. Wife asked me if we could go out on a dinner on Tuesday and after dinner she got out a note that was very heartfelt and read it to me. Basically it said we had come a long way and she loves me but this is the end for it as she cannot take the bickering and argument anymore and that she doesn't feel connected. I agree with her as it has been quite a rocky road for the both of us.

Now moving forward. I am having one hell of a time coping with this as my only family is what I have. She has 4 kids from her previous relationship and I do not have any. Her youngest was 2 when we got together and he is now 9. I will always support them and will always be there for them but the fact that this is the only thing I have known for the past couple years is making it really hard for me to move on. I am trying to detach myself as much as possible.

Financially I am very secure but the wife is not and she has 4 kids. I said she can work for my company until she finds a job, etc. and that in no way I am going to let kids go back in life or live a life that they are not used to. I am going to make sure I take care of that cause as I said this is all I have known and I love them all dearly.

The main problem I have at this point is I still love her dearly and I know she loves and cares about me as well. At this point we are not arguing but simply talking and working things out as to how to move forward. I wanted to move out but I can't will have to stay married for the next 6 months to a year due to some issues that I can't mention here. She said she would help me take care of those as once again we are not going our separate ways in bitterness but it just doesn't seem staying together is going to work out. 

We are still sleeping in the same bed and i have always had a high sexual drive and that obviously is a problem. We have talked about separating beds but to do that we need to talk to the kids first which we plan to do soon. I think it will be good for kids to see as well that anytime a divorce happens it doesn't always have to happen in bad ways or on nasty terms. Sometimes people change and we are going to show that we are both respectful of this and we are going to make sure its easier on them.

There is just so much to think about and at this point I am just having a hard time knowing that they may not be around in my life. Of course, I will be able to see the kids and hang out and what not but I truly love this woman and would have a hard time being around her once we go our separate ways. I just don't know how we ended up here but it has been a wild ride. I want to fight for her but then my other mind says it's better for me to be out of this relationship as far as career and other facets of my life goes.

Just torn in everyway and needed someone to vent. I lost all my friends as they moved away and since I work on the computer most of my friends ended up being virtual friends, however, they are very good friends that I have met in occassions but they are all out of state. Once this is all through she has her brothers, kids, mom, friends to help her get through it at least emotinally but I do not have any support group at all. And although men are supposed to be strong and emotionally stable and what not, I am worried about not having anyone to support me or just lend me an ear. 

I just needed a place to vent and I apologize for this long message. I hope you all are having a great day and if you do read this "essay" feel free to chime in and give me your thoughts.

Once again, I would like to thank Conrad for helping me out when I needed someone to advice me. Much appreciated.


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## Closer (Jul 15, 2011)

Hey man. You have us. We can be your friends or even just an emotional vent. We dig people like you here. There are times when we men realize that we aren't strong enough. That's normal and that's how we become stronger and help other men who are experiencing things that happened to us before get through it.

You made a good choice making friends with a forum member. This forum will be here for you. 

Best of luck.


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## BigToe (Jun 2, 2011)

I'm sorry to hear of your situation and can understand your fears of not having any emotional support to get you through things. I'm not sure this forum will be enough to satisfy that for you, but it is an outlet at least.

Living in the same house is bad enough, sleeping in the same bed with a high sex drive is going to be difficult.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

Hey thussa, sorry for your situation. Like you I have very few real life friends - I do have a few but they are mostly busy with their own lives, and the one I feel closest to has a lot of different interests and values so hanging around him isn't always what I need (as much as I honestly value his friendship). As for family, I have none now that I am separated - my FIL and his new family are the closest thing, mine are all a thousand miles away. I don't see myself staying part of my FIL's family for long, will eventually drift away I imagine, especially if W finds some new LTR. Now I have a child I see myself stuck in this place for atleast the next two decades. I think it is really important for guys like us at a time like this to start making some new friends... I found a single dad meetup group in my city but haven't introduced myself yet, still trying to get my bearings and take care of the divorce before making new commitments of any kind.


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## scione (Jul 11, 2011)

I don't really understand this. You love her and she loves you, why are you guys getting a divorce. Maybe I'm naive but if the problems are bickering and argument, can't you go to counseling? I guess I don't know your whole story. 

I am in somewhat similar problem to you, so I'm in no position to give advice. I am looking for one myself.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

scione is right, if you love each other and haven't already done everything you can to repair your relationship, talking divorce is not going to be preferred solution. My only advice, as someone who wishes he had another chance to fix my marriage before it was over, is that you both keep an open heart and try something else to fix it, marriage counseling, a vacation... If it is bickering and arguing you may still change the communication within the marriage, just seems from your post like neither of you even WANT to give it another chance? And that is ok too, it does take both to want to be in it, but just be honest with each other.


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