# Sister in law troubles.



## Tootsie75 (Apr 21, 2014)

Hello, my sister in law has been ignoring me lately and it is really uncomfortable to be around her. I talked to my husband about it but he doesn't like to talk about it. It is really hard to deal with because I feel so lost and confused on why she is treating me this way. This has been going on for little over a year. I do not go to my husbands family events much anymore because it is really uncomfortable when she ignores me and I end up sitting alone or feeling like I am a new kid at school. I will give you an overview on how things came to be. We used to be really close but her attitude and our disagreements has gotten us to argue a lot. She would randomly txt me mean things and get mad over the simple things and I finally got tired of it and nicely said I don't like to be treated that way and that I don't deserve to be put down all the time. She got mad and it just got worse. It has been this love hate relationship for the past year. Recently I deleted my husbands family off the social networking site because it was all drama with more of his family members towards me and I had enough and didn't want them to know my business. Well my sister in law got mad and wrote a hateful status about me and now ignores me again. I texted her to see how she was doing months later with no reply and at this passed holiday she simply ignored me and didn't say one word. she says I have changed before and the only thing I can see is that I finally spoke up but now I get treated differently because of it. My husbands brother recently got a new girlfriend and now they are like best friends and she also does not speak to me. I hate being in this bind and having to tell my husband that I don't feel comfortable when it never used to be this way. Now its a struggle for me to decide what I want to do when it comes to his family events. I feel like I don't belong in his family and a lot more when I go and it's like I am not even there.:scratchhead:


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I'm confused. You start out talking just about your SIL. Then it turns out that his entire family ignores you and mistreats you? Is this right?

How old are you and your husband?

Unfortunately it sounds like your husband is not being supportive of you in this either. If my family treated my spouse this way, I would tell them to either stop it or I would not be round them anymore.

If I was treated the way you describe by all my in laws I just would not go to their family events.


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## Tootsie75 (Apr 21, 2014)

yeah sorry I got off subject a little bit lol but yes I will say most of them have treated me poorly and now don't talk to me. his mother still does and a few of his aunts but that's about it. and yes I do not feel that he listens and supports me on that subject. I actually told him the same thing you said. If my family treated him that way I would stick up for him and tell them to stop. we have been married only 5 years.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Then if his mother and aunts are nice to you... go to family events to see them. Do not cut off your good relationships with them because others are mean spirited.

Don't worry about SIL's friendship with the brother's new girlfriend, it's very likely that SIL will start to mistreat the new girlfriend. At that point you just might gain a new friend.


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## Tootsie75 (Apr 21, 2014)

thank you for your advice, I will get more comfortable over time I suppose. I never thought speaking up would cause so much drama with her and hate towards me.


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

In-laws can be a real pain. It is very important to lay down boundaries. Diplomacy to restore friendly and even warm relations can take years.

The key is you must never be a door mat. You are not sorry you stood up for yourself.

Don't be afraid to interact with your in-laws. Do it as much as you can stand and seems productive.

If you and your husband love each other and get along, they will not come between you. If your husband enjoys making love to you, likes your smile, etc, you don't have to worry about the in-laws except a few times a year.

Can you invite individual members or couples from their family to do things?


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

EleGirl said:


> If I was treated the way you describe by all my in laws I just would not go to their family events.


:iagree:


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

EleGirl said:


> If my family treated my spouse this way, I would tell them to either stop it or I would not be round them anymore.
> 
> If I was treated the way you describe by all my in laws I just would not go to their family events.


Ditto.

_Posted via *Topify* using iPhone/iPad_


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

This is a result/consequence of using social networking/texting as primary way to communicate.

It sounds like she is a ****ty person, so I'm not even sure why you want to continue relationship with her.

Just be nice to her/smile etc and go on to family events. 

But do not let her mingle her way back into your life/relationship as clearly she is no good to be around etc.

It seems like you are still trying to be friends with someone that has mistreated you deeply. You might want to take a look in the mirror and figure out why that is!


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

EleGirl said:


> Then if his mother and aunts are nice to you... go to family events to see them. Do not cut off your good relationships with them because others are mean spirited.
> 
> Don't worry about SIL's friendship with the brother's new girlfriend, it's very likely that SIL will start to mistreat the new girlfriend. At that point you just might gain a new friend.


Agreed as well


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## Omego (Apr 17, 2013)

EleGirl said:


> If I was treated the way you describe by all my in laws I just would not go to their family events.



Yup. Keep it simple. :iagree:


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Seems like everyone has that black sheep in the family...the fact that your husband won't talk about it is pretty telling that he recognizes her as a difficult person and knows it can't be fixed. I agree with others just ignore the SIL, doesn't sound like your missing anything but go for your husband and the family members you do get along with.

Besides my experience is that those types of people, if you ignore them and act happy, are driven up the wall anyway


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## Tootsie75 (Apr 21, 2014)

Thank you and no she is always around at family events and when another family member would be talking to me she would interrupt us from talking and bring the attention to her. I think it just feels weird for me because other family members can see that we don't talk anymore. I don't know how to go about this and deal with it when I am around her. She is the youngest out of 3 boys so I assume that she always gets her way and likes to be the center of attention. So once I didn't let her walk over me then this is how she is treating me. And yes that was my downfall using txting and social media so I took his family off the social networking sites and it started the position I am in now.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## survivorwife (May 15, 2012)

Tootsie75 said:


> Thank you and no she is always around at family events and when another family member would be talking to me she would interrupt us from talking and bring the attention to her. I* think it just feels weird for me because other family members can see that we don't talk anymore. I don't know how to go about this and deal with it when I am around her. *She is the youngest out of 3 boys so I assume that she always gets her way and likes to be the center of attention. So once I didn't let her walk over me then this is how she is treating me. And yes that was my downfall using txting and social media so I took his family off the social networking sites and it started the position I am in now.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You could simply take the high road. Always be pleasant, respectful and friendly with the other relatives. Pretend that you don't even notice your SIL ignoring you. Pretend that the differences between you two do not exist. Ignore any attempts by her to try to make you look bad to the other relatives - that makes her look like the "bad guy" and not you. Eventually it will be clear to the other relatives that there is nothing wrong with you, and if there is a problem involving this SIL, then it must have been caused by SIL. The other family members will probably not take sides, however if you are consistently on your best behavior, they will not "shun" you and you will have a better times with the family.


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## Tootsie75 (Apr 21, 2014)

Thanks for the Great advice. she will say bye to my husband but not me and talk to him and not say a word to me. I think she feeds off of that thinking that it will bother me but the more she does it. it's not bothering me as much anymore.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

Kindness is your greatest weapon against her attitude toward you. 

No matter how she behaves you show her you are above it and be kind anyway.


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## Omego (Apr 17, 2013)

Tootsie75 said:


> Thanks for the Great advice. she will say bye to my husband but not me and talk to him and not say a word to me. I think she feeds off of that thinking that it will bother me but the more she does it. it's not bothering me as much anymore.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It's so over the top rude and childish that your best bet is to ignore her completely. I wouldn't even bother being kind.


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## Emerald (Aug 2, 2012)

I am very sorry that your husband is not being supportive. I have 5 younger brothers & if they acted in this way towards my husband, I would cut them off. I would NEVER expect my husband to just "suck it up" at family events & be ignored or treated rudely.

Like other have said, just interact with his family members that are nice to you & ignore the rest.


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