# I lost everything & live in fear



## msmeme (Feb 26, 2013)

I thought I was fine before I got remarried a year ago but I was WRONG. I was fine until I left Al to move to Pa where I'm alone most of the time. I feel that if I get close to anyone else they'll die because I was engaged in 99 happy as ever then he died. I got married to another amazing guy in 05 then all heck broke loose in 06 my mom died,in 07 my grandmother, 08 my dad, in 09 my only child died, & my husband 3 months later. I lost my home.....these deaths were all sudden & so close that before I could deal with 1 another 1 die. People make jokes about it and some accused me of murder! It was even said that because I'm born in May I have a evil spirit & although I know these things aren't true it still hurts that people can be hateful getting so much joy out of my pain. I was very close to everyone that passed & I never imagined I would be without my family. My life is still so incomplete because we loved each other so much. Now 
I freak out if anyone is out in bad weather, I don't talk to anyone for weeks because I'm scared of what they may say, if they say they don't feel well for any reason I'm ready to call 911. I haven't heard Happy Birthday since they my family died just the simple things I don't have anymore and in order to see my other relatives I have to go to them & it's hard because travel is expensive for me because I'm broke. I won't let my husband sleep in the same room as me because he may want sex & that's not happening. How do I recover from this?


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## nevergveup (Feb 18, 2013)

I'm so sorry that you had so many close people die before there time.You need to stop blaming yourself for all these things that
you've had no control over.Death is one of those things,that I don't know if you really ever get over it.

I lost my father when I was 14yrs and he died suddenly from 3 massive heart attacks.That was over 36 yrs ago and I still miss him.The reality is bad things happen for no reason.Sad but true.
Would all the people that you have lost,want you to stop living?
If your living in fear and sadness you are in a sense dead too.

Its hard to move forward,but if we don't life passes us by.
Where all gonna die eventually, its just harder to accept when
people die young,unexpectedly or many people in a short time.
If someone lives to be old we don't feel so bad.In any other circumstances we feel cheated by loosing them.
You need to confide in your husband and maybe find a support group.My thoughts are with you.You are special.People do care about you.


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## jupiter13 (Jun 8, 2012)

I understand the loss of people and pets close to you, all of a sudden (as in major trauma) and being to close together. I buried 20 people in 10 years back to back no time in-between to grieve their passing. I lost all of my family my closes friends and husband. You have to get help. Find someone that understands and specializes in grief counseling. I went to a place called the Center for Living with Dieing and it was a life saver. Every time you louse something in life you have to go through the grief process. It can be people or things, even ideas or beliefs, it is all loss. Oh I'm also born in May so don't take it to heart. Standard joke is that everything is my fault. You stump your toe somehow it is my fault. As long as u tell yourself continuously that it is not true you'll be fine. I know that is hard when you hear something so many times, so much not to start to believe it yourself. Good luck to you and do get help. Grief is a process and it sounds like you have not processed.


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