# "guilt gifts" from STBXH



## amarige (Jun 6, 2011)

Okay, my divorce will be final in a few weeks and I will close on my house on Monday (refi and took H off title). He is living with OW and has been for about 6 months. Well, the past week I have received the following gifts: A shoe rack for the the mudroom (I have two girls and lots of shoes everywhere), a new weed eater and blower for yard work (I enjoy being outdoors in the yard/garden). Today is my birthday and I received a text that my STBXH has a wonderful birthday present for me but was waiting until our oldest daughter returns from her youth group trip. What gives?
Are these gifts of guilt and remorse for leaving us after almost 16 years? I have seen very little remorse, guilt, sorrow or sadness since he left. This is messing with my head. Should I just enjoy them and say thanks or ask him why he is doing this?
Please advise


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## vivea (Jan 22, 2011)

very interesting..i really want to know too...hmmmm...


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## reindeer (Mar 24, 2011)

I would just enjoy them. Have you been pretty reasonable over the divorce. If he is happy, maybe it is a way of saying thankyou, giving you gifts that are useful, and that you can enjoy now the home is your own. 

A very simplistic way of doing things maybe- but?


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

It sounds like he wants you to still be attached to him through exposure to stuff you use on every day basis. If this is the case, you can put a stop to it by asking him for gift receipts. 

OR, he could be attempting to neutralize your relationship through exchange of gifts. Kind of like fur and bead trading. In which case, you can reciprocate with similar gifts. This would be my best guess, because of the long relationship and the communication choice and that you have kid/s together and he is aware of their schedules, etc.


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## Sparkles422 (Jun 3, 2011)

amarige: I find it very curious indeed the discrepancy between words and actions. It is a totally crazy world to be in but remember it is their world and you don't have to make it yours.

Beware of the trap: he's not letting go that doesn't mean you need to be sucked back in. Keep continuing on your path of recovery, don't analyze his behavior (this begins to rekindle hope of some sort). That's his life you have your own.

If he wants to remind you that he is alive and gift giving is his idea of doing that; there is no need to enter that danger zone.

I would be super vigilant. Forget trying to reason his motives, keep that all important focus on yourself and move on with your life.


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## amarige (Jun 6, 2011)

Sparkles422;
Thanks for your comment regarding being sucked in by his trap. I definately think I was sucked in and it does rekindle hope (which I already know there is none because I have asked on several occasions and am not going down that path anymore). 
Focusing on my recovery is hard; I'm normally focused on doing things for others and not for me. But I believe that moving on with my life and my children is the right path and I don't need to look back.
Thanks for everyone's insight; very helpful!


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## ClipClop (Apr 28, 2011)

Take the gifts and if it is guilt driving it, good!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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