# What would your trade off be for good sex



## Jwayne (Dec 4, 2011)

Sometimes I feel like telling my wife, the way to a man's heart is not his stomach, it's good sex. For me, that's the truth. If I could get good sex from my wife, I would clean the house, the dishes, and wash my clothes. I would even cook my own food; well come to think of it, I already do that sometimes. I still have a hard time grasping the fact that sex itself takes such little effort and not much time, why does it have to be so difficult to get. I feel like I need a PHD in biology to figure out my wife.


----------



## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Good sex would be my trade off for good sex.

If my wife doesn`t want me, I don`t want sex with her.


----------



## Jwayne (Dec 4, 2011)

I guess I could re-word that a little. I would rather her keep me happy in the bedroom than do those other things around the house.


----------



## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

Cuddling. I love to snuggle up to my hubby and hold hands. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Unhappy2011 (Dec 28, 2011)

Jwayne said:


> If I could get good sex from my wife, I would clean the house, the dishes, and wash my clothes. I would even cook my own food; well come to think of it, I already do that sometimes.


Well I think your answer is in your question pal.

But you have cart before the horse.


----------



## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

There are some pretty basic reasons women don't want to have sex with their husbands--they aren't really all that attracted to them sexually (and may not have been, although they may have been responsive to his sexual overtures); resentment has built up; she feels like your mom (seeing you as a helpless kid); the sex with you isn't all that fun for her; she has a low sex drive. 

In thinking about the questions below, be sure to think back--did she try to get you to change in anyway--or did she say things you perceived as criticism? These were her efforts to get you to meet her needs, which you may have heard as criticism--and if you reacted negatively or ignored her, she has probably given up and is trying to make do, but the decline in sex is a sign that her needs not being met are leading to more resentment/less sex. Just something to keep in mind.

Do some self-analysis. What kind of husband have you been? From a stranger's point of view, you come off as pretty selfish when you say SHE should keep you happy in the bedroom. What attention have you paid to keeping her sexually satisfied? 

Do you do your share around home? This does not mean "helping" her (even if she is a full-time homemaker and maybe raising kids, too). does your work day end at 5 and her's goes later every day, for example? Do you routinely clean up after yourself and the kids w/o having to be told? Do you keep at chores as long as she is? These kinds of questions will tell you if there is an imbalance in the relationship when it comes to being a family--a common source of resentment.

You do not want to get into the habit of doing chores so that you can "get more sex." You want to be part of an equal partnership. Keep that in mind as you think about the balance. 

Whatever has killed the attraction (if it was there in the first place) may be hard for her to identify and even harder for her to admit. I would recommend marriage counseling if you can't figure out your part in the marital decline. Blaming her isn't going to help.


----------



## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

My W is a good cook, but doesn't like to cook. So sometimes she would not cook as much as maybe would be ideal. And then she would apologize for not cooking and typically I would say the same thing with a big smile. 

Fair market value for cooking one family dinner: $35.00
Market value for what you do in "there" pointing to the bedroom: $1,000 to $2,000. 

Followed by: Your priorities are great "as is". 



Jwayne said:


> Sometimes I feel like telling my wife, the way to a man's heart is not his stomach, it's good sex. For me, that's the truth. If I could get good sex from my wife, I would clean the house, the dishes, and wash my clothes. I would even cook my own food; well come to think of it, I already do that sometimes. I still have a hard time grasping the fact that sex itself takes such little effort and not much time, why does it have to be so difficult to get. I feel like I need a PHD in biology to figure out my wife.


----------



## Mistys dad (Dec 2, 2011)

Transactional sex is a sure sign your marriage is in trouble.

Having sex has nothing to do with doing "chores". 

Be the man. Initaite the contact, stop being afraid of stating your needs and wants. Invite her to join yoin you.


----------



## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

sisters359 said:


> There are some pretty basic reasons women don't want to have sex with their husbands--they aren't really all that attracted to them sexually (and may not have been, although they may have been responsive to his sexual overtures); *resentment has built up*; *she feels like your mom (seeing you as a helpless kid); the sex with you isn't all that fun for her;* she has a low sex drive.
> 
> In thinking about the questions below, be sure to think back--did she try to get you to change in anyway--or did she say things you perceived as criticism? These were her efforts to get you to meet her needs, which you may have heard as criticism--and if you reacted negatively or ignored her, she has probably *given up and is trying to make do*,* but the decline in sex is a sign that her needs not being met are leading to more resentment/less sex.* Just something to keep in mind.
> 
> ...


:iagree:

I used to have a very high drive. I don't anymore... I don't even think about sex hardly at all. My drive has been gone (I mean gone) for a few months, not that my husband cares that it is gone, i am no longer "bugging" him anymore.

this is what my husband does not do (and I think it has a huge part in why i no longer have a drive)

He doesn't help me around the house
He doesn't meet my needs (any) not that i have many of them)
He doesn't help me with our son.. I am on call 24-7-365 with no help.

As a matter of fact he doesn't do anything. I can't even get him to take the garbage out when it is over flowing.

I resent him so much for all the years I have tired to talk to him about sex and all, and i have asked him to help me more around here with things..It never happened.. The lack of help, cooking, cleaning chasing after a toddler all day. I have nothing left... 

So i think you just answered your own question OP.


----------



## Anubis (Jul 12, 2011)

Mistys dad said:


> Transactional sex is a sure sign your marriage is in trouble.
> 
> Having sex has nothing to do with doing "chores".
> 
> Be the man. Initaite the contact, stop being afraid of stating your needs and wants. Invite her to join yoin you.


:iagree::iagree::iagree:


----------



## square1 (Oct 31, 2011)

Mistys dad said:


> Transactional sex is a sure sign your marriage is in trouble.
> 
> Having sex has nothing to do with doing "chores".
> 
> Be the man. Initaite the contact, stop being afraid of stating your needs and wants. Invite her to join yoin you.


:iagree:

My husband once offered to do something in return for sex. Can't remember what it was now as it was so long ago and it was only one time cause I told him i am not a wh0re who will barter sex for something, especially since its his house too and he should be helping anyway. I was still up for sex I just wasn't trading for it.

Eventually your wife will realize hey its just less effort if i cut out the middle man and just do the dam dishes myself instead of doing him to get him to do the dishes.


----------



## lonesomegra (Dec 11, 2011)

At one stage when I was giving my wife a few sums of money she and I joked was this enough for her services. Of course she claimed I could never pay her true worth. All the jokes came to an end when this type of conversation was overheard by a gang of lusty workmen who went around with great big grins on their faces towards my wife!


----------



## mikeydread1982 (Oct 7, 2011)

better sex! Is this even a question?


----------



## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

lonesomegra said:


> At one stage when I was giving my wife a few sums of money she and I joked was this enough for her services. Of course she claimed I could never pay her true worth. All the jokes came to an end when this type of conversation was overheard by a gang of lusty workmen who went around with great big grins on their faces towards my wife!


You're paying your wife for sex? :scratchhead:


----------

