# No way out



## firefairy (May 21, 2012)

I know separating is the right thing to do. We just don’t get a long anymore. There is too much anger and resentment. We were never really compatible, things weren’t great from the beginning.. but now 12yrs later, kids (one mine – one together), a house, pets.. we have been delaying the inevitable and torturing each other in the process. For the past 2yrs it’s been getting really ugly! I took my ring off months ago. Divorce is brought up in almost every argument. One time he agreed to move out and we actually talked to the kids, but then I got scared and changed my mind.. I wanted to really try. And I did.. I really tried, I opened up my heart in ways I haven’t in years.. and for two weeks I felt what a relationship and marriage should be. Then my heart was ripped out as we spiraled back down in the hell. The person who use to love me unconditionally is gone, that love is gone. And I feel so bitter towards the person I use to love with all my heart.. the person, at one time, I would’ve done anything for. It’s over .. it really is.. so why are we having such a hard time doing what needs to be done and going separate ways?! 
But splitting up hasn’t been working out either. I don’t know where to turn.. Every lead I’ve chased ended in a dead end. I’m beginning to loss all hope and feel completely defeated. I use to believe when’s there’s a will there’s a way, but I don’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. I’m having a hard time finding my strength. I don’t have a strong support system. I pushed away most of my family and friends over the years. I have a full time job and a associates degree but in todays economy I don’t make nearly enough to support my family alone.. even with our lower class lifestyle and I don’t have any money saved. Our house is just too big for me to maintain by myself but living in a small town there is nothing to rent open and the few openings that do come up don’t take pets and I have two dogs. He is refusing to leave our house.. and refusing to stay with a relative for a few months to be able to help me with the house expenses until I can get a second job and apply for assistance. The house has been up for sale for months.. great house, bad location.. only 2 people looked at it. Even if we did get an offer.. again back to nowhere to move to in the school district. I don’t have any family in the district. Nor anywhere that would open their doors for myself, my girls, and my pets. My oldest is only 2yrs from graduating so moving out of the district is not an option right now. Living together for another two years could be dangerous to everyone in the houses health. The icing on the cake is my oldest daughters father, who has never been consistent or reliable, just lost his job. The little hope that I put in my child support payments to help my financial survival when my husband and I split, is now gone!! Ever here the saying too poor to get divorced.. well I think that might be us. I think we are doomed to live unhappily ever after.. the American dream is gone!! I feel soo trapped. Nowhere to turn. No hope! Sooooooo sad!! 


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## firefairy (May 21, 2012)

No comments. Wow! I guess i am doomed :/


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## SamuraiJack (May 30, 2014)

Not doomed...but in a dark place.
I hope the light finds you soon.

You may have to throw a hail mary pass and see where you land.
Best of luck.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

No offense, but your post came across (to me) as a vent, which is perfectly understandable given your situation. But there's no questions that you really seem to be looking for answers to, and you've shot down any options that people might try to present, like move, get a boarder, etc. So what kind of comments would you like? I am sorry that you feel stuck where you are. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Btw... You could look into whatever maintenance enforcement program is in your area, even if your ex isn't in arrears on his support. But if you get into the system, it might be easier to get what money you can from him. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 2xloser (May 8, 2011)

Start making hard decisions, like removing the dogs from your care. If you really can't afford to house yourselves, then it's time for the dogs to go. I KNOW that sounds cold-hearted, mean, evil, etc. and you will say "but they are a part of my family", or "they are for my kids"... well, I am a dog lover, but when it comes time for food and a roof vs. dog care, the choices are easy and black & white.

I do wish you the best. But you have simply got to take steps to help yourself. If having dogs limits your rental options, it's easy to see from the outside looking in as to what needs to happen to give yourself options.

You also might try and talk to your school about getting an exception for living outside the district for hardship but keeping them in the school...?


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## firefairy (May 21, 2012)

I like the “You may have to throw a hail mary pass and see where you land” 

Moxiesbuddy – We are actually beginning counseling tomorrow night. He was always closed minded to the idea of ‘help’ – He thinks it BS. But I’ve given an ultimatum; counseling, meetings, rehab, trial separation or divorce. He chose counseling. I’m tired of words, I need action. Either we get busy trying to learn how to work through our issues or we get busy going our own separate ways. 
-When I said dangerous, I meant the tension and the fighting – it’s not good for anyone’s mental health, especially our children. 

PBear – It was a vent. I don’t know what I was looking for. Maybe for someone to see an option or loop hole that I am missing.. maybe someone who felt as trapped as me but found a way out and was willing to share their secret?!? Idk?!

I’m not shooting down any options though. Boarders an option.. but back to the fact my husband won’t move out, I need to get through that before I can get a boarder. Move.. I am more than willing to move.. I just need to find a place in the school district that takes pets = near impossible!! 

I am already on the books with my ex’s child support. He owes me so much money it’s not even funny. He’s a dead beat in every way. Unfortunately a bench warrant doesn’t do anything with him because he knows how to avoid getting caught as well as not answering the door. And because it’s ‘civil’ there isn’t much backing/enforcement to it. He doesn’t feel threatened by the warrant in any way! :-/

2xloser – That’s not even an option. That’s like leaving my kids behind or re-homing them. My Great Dane is my daughter and my best friend. She follows me everywhere.. I am her everything. She is in her elder years, I refuse to abandon her now!!! Not an option! I need her as much as she needs me!! Everyone always jokes that I would save her before anyone else.. honestly though, I think I’d try to save her and the kids at the same time!! Hehe  

The school option is not one I thought of.. that is something I wouldn’t mind trying. I work in the district. I could easily make arrangements for transportation! Thanks.


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## 2xloser (May 8, 2011)

At the risk of coming across as some dog-hater, which I totally am not: I passed two homeless people sleeping on the street today that had dogs with them, and thought of you. I get it and understand. But it's a choice. If either of them had kids with them, I'd have been angry.


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## firefairy (May 21, 2012)

That fine.. I understand your point of view and I’ll agree to disagree. As an introvert.. I feel more comfortable with my dogs then I do with most people. My future goals include opening a shelter and doing hospice for older dogs dropped off at shelters to die. So as you can see, or I hope that you can, I rather live in misery and cry every day for the next two years then abandon my dogs to be thrown into a gas chamber to die a horrifying death in a shelter.. because that’s what happens to 80% of the dogs that people drop off in hope that they can re-homed!!!!!


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