# I am new and I need help



## Donnie_Brasco_9 (Dec 27, 2012)

Hello Everyone,

I am not exactly too sure where to begin. It has been over a month now since my wife informed me that she was ending our marriage. We dated for 4 years and were married for another 4. We had been having some problems, but we were going to counselling and I was under the impression that we were working things out. One of our last sessions was at the beginning of September. She told me she still loved me and wanted to work things out. We took our daughter on a little trip, and when she went to bed, her and I slow danced and made love. She told me she "couldn't stop smiling."

Now, here I am. Alone. It is amazing that I have even made it this far. I have lost 15 pounds already. I am struggling just to keep it together. Family and friends have gotten me this far.

I am going through so many emotions it is exhausting. First I was grief stricken and could not stop crying and begging for her to come back. Next, I was in denial and just waiting for it to be over. Now, I am angry and feel so much hatred. I feel very vindictive and I am wanting karma to get back at her. What hurts the most is the fact that she is putting all the responsibility on me. She says the whole thing is my fault. That I made her feel alone for years and didn't make her the number one priority. Does it not take two to make a marriage work? I tried so hard when we were in counseling. I did everything that was asked of me. Her mind was clearly made up a long time ago.

We have a child together. A daughter. She is two and a half. She is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I was put on this planet to be a dad, and from day one I have established a solid relationship with her. She loves her daddy. When this all happened, I told my wife that if she was considering going for more than joint custody, I'd see her in court. We have agreed on joint custody. Normally, the exchange is done at the day home and I don't have to see my ex. Christmas morning was one of the most depressing times of my life. My daughter had been with me for the last 4 days, and then it was time to see her mom. She started crying because she didn't want to go, and wanted me to come with her. It was so awful.

I realize that I am not perfect, and did things that contributed to this. However, I feel that I have done nothing to warrant the breakup of a family. When I made my vows, I made them for a reason. I was always fully prepared to stick it out for the sake of my child or future children and do what was necessary. My mom and dad have been married for 40 years. They have gone through problems that were way more severe. They are still together. I guess it's just easier nowadays to say "I'm not happy anymore, see ya later."

My dad is a wealthy man. He has put up a significant amount of money so that I can keep the house and my daughter has a stable environment, and my wife will get her payout. She has accepted it and hasn't said a word. This too, makes me extremely angry.

I am trying to stay strong. I have moments where I feel good, start doing things around the house, and try to be positive. But then, all of a sudden, I just feel so depressed and anxious, I start crying and just don't want to go on. But I have to, I have to be strong for my daughter. And I will.

Donnie


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## Orpheus (Jul 6, 2012)

You don't say how you need help, son of a mobster. What you are feeling and your situation is sort of the normal around here. It's not a competition so that's ok. You should know that you can find a lot of comfort in already well tread ground.

Read a lot of the other threads and support your neighbors here. You will find that community can bolster you adjunct to your friends and family.

From your comments above, all i can offer is that there is nothing about her decision you can change. the best thing to do is get out of the way and let her burn her fire. your first priority should be you and your daughter's welfare. set the new year off right.

Best of luck, and sorry that you find yourself here.


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## GutPunch (Nov 2, 2012)

Well the roller coaster is natural. I am 2 1/2 months in and still on it. I will say the drops are less steep after a while. If you continue to lose weight see a doctor for anxiety. Focus on you and hit the gym. Orpheus is right about giving her the space she needs. Do not talk to her unless it's about the kiddo.


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## ReGroup (Dec 6, 2012)

"Do not talk to her unless it's about the kiddo."

Read the last page of my thread and you'll learn why.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

Look up the "180". It will help. 

It does get better with time but I'd imagine that if you didn't want the divorce and were the one who got left it'll take longer to absorb it and accept the situation and move on. So be patient. 

And be there for your daughter. She will need you.


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## Frostflower (Jul 22, 2012)

Donnie, your reactions are completely normal. I agree with Freak. Look up the 180. It will help you get through this and come out of it a stronger person.


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