# Any active Catholics here? Question for you



## snowbum

Just a quick question for spouses that are both active in the faith.


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## CatholicDad

Hello my sister. My wife is a cradle Catholic and I’m a convert and so grateful for the church. Be careful- there are many here that are opposed to the church and ignorant of the truth.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson

Well, ignorant of the truth wouldn't include Southern Baptists. Just saying, if you want to go down that road.


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## Benbutton

Yes, my wife and I are both practicing Catholics.


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## rugswept

I'm ex Catholic. I am fairly well versed in doctrine, etc. I am objective in considering it. I am not anti Catholic. We believe some things in common but we play for different teams.


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## Diana7

CatholicDad said:


> Hello my sister. My wife is a cradle Catholic and I’m a convert and so grateful for the church. Be careful- there are many here that are opposed to the church and ignorant of the truth.


There are many here who recognise the errors in the RC church. We are told to test all things and we must always check anything we are told against Gods word.


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## snowbum

What are your thoughts on the sacrament of reconciliation and receiving communion?

Our parish had adoration and confession after mass. I hadn't gone in 6 months or so and felt the need to go(nothing egregious, just feeling like I wasn't in the place I wanted to be, clear conscience, etc ( and again, no type of infidelity) . Dh and ds spent time at adoration. Dh has gone to confession with me (Lent) in the past.

He said "I'll go when I'm in the right place, I'll know when I'm called to go". He does receive communion, and he has said in the past "you only need to confess mortal sins and I've never committed one", etc. 

If you go to confession , do you go on your own, or do you go with your spouse? (every confession is 1:1, that's not what I mean by alone).

I go to face the things I know I shouldn't have done, and to contritely own up to them.

If you are practicing and spouse doesn't go, do you feel that's totally their bag and none of your business even though it's been enforced we should go once a year?


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## Andy1001

When you confess your sins to a catholic priest he is taking the role of God so in reality you are confessing to God. This is between you and God, nobody else has any role to play. Whether your spouse attends or not is up to him and trying to force someone to go to confession is futile.


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## Diana7

Just talk to God and confess to Him. Thats what is Biblical. Leave your husband to do the same.


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## Affaircare

snowbum said:


> If you go to confession , do you go on your own, or do you go with your spouse? (every confession is 1:1, that's not what I mean by alone).
> 
> I go to face the things I know I shouldn't have done, and to contritely own up to them.
> 
> If you are practicing and spouse doesn't go, do you feel that's totally their bag and none of your business even though it's been enforced we should go once a year?


@snowbum ,

I know you asked specifically for practicing Catholics, and I admit to you right now that I am not a practicing Catholic--so I may not be the kind of person you hope to hear from, but I do think I have a relevant thought. 

I myself consider myself a Christian, and yet my Beloved Hubby is a Buddhist. Now you may wonder how in the world our religions don't "clash", and here's why: I believe each person's spiritual journey is their own. To reword it, I do not believe it is my job here on earth to "make" people believe a certain way or "make" them do religious actions they way I would do them. God wants to relate to each one of us personally, and that is between Him and THEM--just as my relationship to Him is between Him and Me. I am obliged to live our my values and if I don't, that is my obligation to get right. Similarly, it is my hubby's obligation to live his values and if he doesn't, that is his obligation to get right. 

Make sense?

People may come to God in different ways...and by that I mean that God works the way He works! It's not our way. So I'd encourage you to practice the way that you believe you need to practice, going as often as you believe you need to go to clear your conscience and own up to what you've done...and you trust your life partner to take care of their own spiritual care. Trust them to practice the way that THEY believe THEY need to practice, going as often as THEY believe THEY need to go to clear their conscience and own up to what they've done. You could engage your spouse in a discussion and share what you believe...and LISTEN to what they believe. And encourage them to act on their beliefs--whether that means giving time to do it or just respecting what they believe and how.


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## CatholicDad

Perhaps the most important thing we can do as spouses is encourage each other. Hubby should be encouraged to go… frequent confession was a habit of some of the greatest saints. If St. Francis went to confession frequently- we all should.

REDACTED


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## uwe.blab

CatholicDad said:


> Perhaps the most important thing we can do as spouses is encourage each other. Hubby should be encouraged to go… frequent confession was a habit of some of the greatest saints. If St. Francis went to confession frequently- we all should.
> 
> REDACTED


Encourage but don't nag or guilt someone.

And yeah we all SHOULD do a lot of things.

Humans judging other humans is the underlying problem here.


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## rugswept

RC Doctrine: receiving communion in a state of moral sin is an egregious sin. 
communion absolves venial sins. 

That's the instruction on the religious matter.


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## CatholicDad

uwe.blab said:


> Encourage but don't nag or guilt someone.
> 
> And yeah we all SHOULD do a lot of things.
> 
> Humans judging other humans is the underlying problem here.


Judgement??? A wife being concerned about her husbands immortal soul seems like a good thing. 🤷🏼‍♂️


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## CatholicDad

uwe.blab said:


> So you want someone to point out your sins to you all the time? That's probably going to build some resent.


Infrequent confession isn’t really a sin and hubby is correct that confession isn’t required for venial sins… regardless everyone as Christians should encourage each other to greater holiness and frequent confession was a habit of many, many saints.

OP not once in this thread even hinted that she was “pointing out sins”.

My wife has encouraged me to go to confession many times- and I’m thankful for it.


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## CatholicDad

Dear OP, my wife will just sometimes plan for our entire family to go to confession… she just gets her spider-tingle that we need to go so off we go. I think she is probably earning serious merits in heaven as a result.

I used to go secretly to confession over my lunch breaks at work… maybe hubby isn’t going because he already went.


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## Laurentium

In the Buddhist gathering of which I am part, confession is one of our most important practices. Normally weekly.

"O Buddhas possessed of the ten powers: those terrible wicked acts I have committed in the past, before your eyes, I confess them all.

Whatever unwholesome deeds I have done: not holding parents as parents, not holding buddhas as buddhas, not upholding virtuous deeds;

Whatever unwholesome deeds I have done: haughty with the vanity of wealth, haughty with age and youthfulness, haughty with pride of affluence and class; whatever unwholesome deeds I have done through harmful thoughts, harmful words, the thought of harm as harmless and harmful actions done;

Whatever unwholesome deeds I have done: acting with the mind of a child, a mind dark with ignorance or under the sway of a non-virtuous friend; greatly charged with emotion, discontent with wealth, afflicted with depression and malaise or under the impulse of frivolous play;

Whatever unwholesome deeds I have done through mixing with vile characters, through jealousy and miserliness and through poverty and guile;

Whatever unwholesome deeds I have done when poverty came to me, fearing loss of the desirable and stricken with a dearth of material goods;

Whatever unwholesome deeds I have done under the power of a flighty mind, ruled by desire and hatred or oppressed by hunger and thirst;

Whatever unwholesome deeds I have done when oppressed by affliction, for the sake of pursuing women, or acquiring food, drink and attire;

Through misdeeds of body, speech and mind, I have amassed threefold wrong acts. In these three ways, whatever I have done, these deeds I confess in full."


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## D0nnivain

snowbum said:


> What are your thoughts on the sacrament of reconciliation and receiving communion?
> * * *
> If you go to confession , do you go on your own, or do you go with your spouse? (every confession is 1:1, that's not what I mean by alone).
> * * *
> If you are practicing and spouse doesn't go, do you feel that's totally their bag and none of your business even though it's been enforced we should go once a year?


Although we are both Catholic, I practice but DH only goes on major holidays, to weddings & funerals. I can't force him. It does worry me for his soul. 

Catholic doctrine teaches that one must go to confession & be free of grave sins, especially mortal sins, prior to receiving communion. Who Can Receive Holy Communion in the Catholic Church | Catholic Answers | Catholic Answers In fact, except under certain very limited circumstances, one being imminent danger of death, it is a sin itself to receive if you have not gone to confession. 

It's lovely that you care about your family but you can't be a busy-body about things. Their spiritual soul is theirs to worry about, not yours.


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## EleGirl

Diana7 said:


> Please don't worry for his soul. Having to go to a priest for confession isn't at all Biblical.
> Just as Jesus says when He teaches us the Lords prayer, 'forgive us our sins'.
> Jesus has made the way for us to go direct to Him.
> Jesus is our only mediator. We need no other. Not Mary, not the Pope, not a priest.
> Confessing to a priest wont save you.
> 
> I always feel so sad when RC's go by what their church says rather than by what Jesus says. Everything must be in line with His word.


You know, you have zero understanding of Catholic teachings but that does not stop you from preaching to Catholics and telling them how to worship and what you think Catholicism teaches. The OP did not ask for people to put her religious beliefs down. She asked for input from other Catholics. You are not a Catholic.


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## CatholicDad

Diana7 said:


> Please don't worry for his soul. Having to go to a priest for confession isn't at all Biblical.
> Just as Jesus says when He teaches us the Lords prayer, 'forgive us our sins'.
> Jesus has made the way for us to go direct to Him.
> Jesus is our only mediator. We need no other. Not Mary, not the Pope, not a priest.
> Confessing to a priest wont save you.
> 
> I always feel so sad when RC's go by what their church says rather than by what Jesus says. Everything must be in line with His word.


Jesus literally told the apostles they had the power to forgive/retain sins. Why the heck did they name more disciples if not to hand this authority down?


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## Al_Bundy

D0nnivain said:


> Although we are both Catholic, I practice but DH only goes on major holidays, to weddings & funerals. I can't force him. It does worry me for his soul.
> 
> Catholic doctrine teaches that one must go to confession & be free of grave sins, especially mortal sins, prior to receiving communion. Who Can Receive Holy Communion in the Catholic Church | Catholic Answers | Catholic Answers In fact, except under certain very limited circumstances, one being imminent danger of death, it is a sin itself to receive if you have not gone to confession.
> 
> It's lovely that you care about your family but you can't be a busy-body about things. Their spiritual soul is theirs to worry about, not yours.


Growing up this was pretty common. The wife would go to church and the husband would tag along for major holidays. I work with a couple guys who have that deal now, good guys.


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## EleGirl

For anyone 


CatholicDad said:


> Jesus literally told the apostles they had the power to forgive/retain sins. Why the heck did they name more disciples if not to hand this authority down?


Here's a good, easy to understand explanation.

Is Confession in Scripture? | Catholic Answers


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## Al_Bundy

Catholics do have some impressive churches, the old school ones though, not the new Joel Osteen wannabes. The Cathedral of Saint Bartholomew is in-freaking-sane.


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## EleGirl

snowbum said:


> If you are practicing and spouse doesn't go, do you feel that's totally their bag and none of your business even though it's been enforced we should go once a year?


I think it's totally his bag. Like he says, if he has not committed a mortal sin there is not really an issue.

Now if you feel that you need confession to work through your own issues then what you do is good for you.


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## pastasauce79

I grew up Catholic. I remember the nuns asking us if we were ready for confession, if we weren't ready, they let us be. They told us to confess when we felt ready to do so. 

I think that was one of the few good things about my catholic past. As a young child, I remember it felt absolutely weird to confess to a very old priest.


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## Laurentium

EleGirl said:


> You know, you have zero understanding of Catholic teachings .... The OP did not ask for people to put her religious beliefs down. She asked for input from other Catholics. You are not a Catholic.


Well, I guess that also applies to my input. If it was unwelcome, I'll delete it.


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## Diana7

EleGirl said:


> You know, you have zero understanding of Catholic teachings but that does not stop you from preaching to Catholics and telling them how to worship and what you think Catholicism teaches. The OP did not ask for people to put her religious beliefs down. She asked for input from other Catholics. You are not a Catholic.


I have had loads of conversations with RC's and read a lot about their beliefs. I have also had RC's in my family. Yes I have a very good understanding of their beliefs. 

I just hope the op will stop worrying about things she doesn't need to worry about. Her husband not going to confession being one of them. 
I hope she will rest in Him and not worry about all the manmade rules and regulations.


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## D0nnivain

Diana7 said:


> I always feel so sad when RC's go by what their church says rather than by what Jesus says. Everything must be in line with His word.


While many Christian faiths think that going directly to God to address their shortcoming is the answer, this is not nor has it ever been the Catholic tradition. _See_ Matthew 16:19 and John 20:23. In the Gospel it explains how Jesus gave the power of forgiveness to the Apostles acting in His stead. The Sacrament of reconciliation obligates ones to confess to a Priest. In that confessional the Priest is the conduit to God. 

You don't have to like that or believe it, @*Diana7* but your views don't change the facts. 

I do agree with you that the OP only needs to worry about the OP & not the spouse.


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## CatholicDad

pastasauce79 said:


> I grew up Catholic. I remember the nuns asking us if we were ready for confession, if we weren't ready, they let us be. They told us to confess when we felt ready to do so.
> 
> I think that was one of the few good things about my catholic past. As a young child, I remember it felt absolutely weird to confess to a very old priest.


Confession has been one of the most helpful things I have ever done. Maybe you should give it another chance?


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## D0nnivain

Diana7 said:


> Jesus Himself told us to pray directly to God forgiveness. His is how you should pray........'Forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sin against us'.


That's fine for those who believe what you believe. I am Catholic & prefer my Catholic traditions. Nobody else has to agree but I would appreciate the respect of other posters not trying to change my mind about MY faith. The OP is also on board with the sacrament & how it's handled in the Catholic faith. Let's just leave it as to each his/her own.


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## pastasauce79

CatholicDad said:


> Confession has been one of the most helpful things I have ever done. Maybe you should give it another chance?


If God really exists, he/she should know everything about me. Since he/she is everywhere. 

I remember confession didn't make sense to me. I asked myself, why am I confessing to an old stranger, who I don't know anything about, who could be a worse person than me? These thoughts were with me since I was getting ready for my first communion. 

My gut told me I couldn't trust them. Years later, I found out I was right.


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## Wolfman1968

EleGirl said:


> You know, you have zero understanding of Catholic teachings but that does not stop you from preaching to Catholics and telling them how to worship and what you think Catholicism teaches. The OP did not ask for people to put her religious beliefs down. She asked for input from other Catholics. You are not a Catholic.


Quoted for truth.


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## Zasered

I will say right away that I support slightly different dogmas and views, but it seems to me that the question of confession concerns all Christians. I believe that this is still a personal matter for everyone. Each of us has our own spiritual "puzzle". Someone's balance needs to be maintained by confession more often, someone is more stable and knows their time for cleansing the soul. If you love a person, it means that you accept his pace of life. Do not force him to adapt to you, and do not try to make confession a collective activity yourself. The question here is not about trust, but the needs, which can be different even in the conditions of living together.


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## Tested_by_stress

What exactly does "active" mean? I don't go to church on a regular basis. In fact, I only go for weddings and funerals. However, I do pretty darn good as far as the Ten Commandments goes. You don't have to be a holy roller to be "active". It's been my life experience that you'll find all the town's biggest hypocrites lined up across the first two rows every Sunday morning and in many cases, the biggest one is leading the service. I was just coming out of school when the abuse going on in the Catholic Church was starting to come to light. If I remember correctly, the first scandal was in Nefoundland Canada and the dominoes began to fall from there. I personally know some who were abused as kids by priests. This is why attendance dropped off significantly in Catholic Churches. My home town had five RC churches at one time. Now there is one.They did it to themselves. There are still many "active " Catholics . We just don't participate in the church itself. If you want to see a movie that represents what happened in the RC Church in Canada, it's called "The Boys of Saint Vincent". It's an eye opener.


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