# Quick Question for the Men



## OregonDucksFan (Oct 2, 2012)

I read these forums almost daily, and was hoping you all could answer my question.

I know that men really want to feel desired by their wives, so that's how I've been trying to approach intimacy now (so I initiate more myself).

Along those lines, would you rather have your wife tell you:

*I want you*

or

*I need you*


This is probably a pretty small thing, but if one of them is even a _slightly_ bigger turn on, it's also a small thing to adjust.

(I don't want to ask my husband himself because I don't want anything I doing to seem too calculated)

Thank you


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## seeking sanity (Oct 20, 2009)

Either or both. You're over thinking it.


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

How about 'I want you...ohhhh...I need you baby...Ohhhhh... I need you NOW'

Yeah, that might work


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## fortheloveofit2 (Oct 1, 2012)

OregonDucksFan said:


> I read these forums almost daily, and was hoping you all could answer my question.
> 
> I know that men really want to feel desired by their wives, so that's how I've been trying to approach intimacy now (so I initiate more myself).
> 
> ...


Tell him you want a threesome..:rofl::rofl:lol that is a bad joke.:scratchhead: Honestly say both but in different settings. I know I like to feel desired. Before sex it would be great to hear I want you. Cuddle time tell him you need him. Lets face it, every move has to be calculated that gives it more effect. JMO


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## bribrius (Jun 29, 2012)

it is supposed to happen naturally. That is the spark. Thinking and planning it kind of takes it away.


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## johnnycomelately (Oct 30, 2010)

I would rather she didn't speak with her mouth full.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Need. It's more urgent, and I would prefer that word (need) if we were in person.

Now if we're talking on the phone or texting and I'm at work or something, then want is better, because it communicates that you desire me at that moment but doesn't put any pressure on.


Edited to add: I WANT the ducks to get their azzes kicked this weekend. But I think I NEED to adjust my expectations.


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## OregonDucksFan (Oct 2, 2012)

I get that it seems like over-thinking

but considering the whole thing is sort of a (happily performed) *act* on my part...I figure why not make it as satisfactory as possible.

"God is in the details" right?

I thought need might sound better in person too.


@ WorkingonMe:I hope you're _thoroughly_ disappointed this weekend,  

although even if Oregon wins out and plays for the title...I'm not sure how well they could hang with Bama

(hopefully I'm underestimating them)


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## anotherguy (Dec 14, 2011)

It depends on what the meaning of the word is, is.

need. want. tom-ay-to. tom-ah-to.



I agree with bribrius here - If you are reading off the script - its just that.... making movies for each other. Stop acting and posing and get busy - like you mean it. You will be glad you did. You should be throwing caution to the wind, not parsing words and trying to figure out what sounds better.

You know what will sound better? Whatever you are feeling - dont put so much pressure on yourself to get it right.

In fact now that you have stated this...calculation... maybe you shouldnt say anything at all. Maybe just reach down his pants, grab a handful, fall into his chest and see what happens.


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## Racer (Sep 24, 2009)

Well... "I want you". 

The reality though is it is actions, not words that get my attention and notice.


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## anotherguy (Dec 14, 2011)

Racer said:


> Well... "I want you".


wow. flashback sorta.

My college girlfriend used to wisper in my ear, so I could feel her hot breath - at the most inopportune times (when we were talking with someone, or at a social event... usually sometime when I was powerless to act).. 'I want you *in me*'.

yikes. Never failed to get my attention bigtime. In fact, it just never failed in any respect whatsoever.  I think she did it to see how much she could scramble my brain and see how fast she could get me in the sack. It was devestating female jujitsu.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

While being vaguely analagous, both terms can have different/separate meanings. At one point or another in the course of my loving relationship with her, I'd greatly love to hear them both come from her lips, but preferably in different situations!


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## fetishwife (Apr 22, 2012)

I think be more specific and either one works...and emphasis helps..

"I want you INSIDE ME"

"I NEED you inside me"

"I need you to touch me here"

things like that.....more specific helps me...


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## rj700 (Jun 22, 2012)

I WANT to hear she NEEDS me. I NEED her to show me she WANTS me.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

ahhh the subtleties of language, sometimes some forethought is good, other times it is not needed.

When it comes to desire and sex I don't think, I just do it, saying things like:
I *need *you right now.
I *want *your body next to mine.
My body has to *have *yours right now.
I *desperately want* your hands all over me.

All mean the same thing, I just *need *and *want *you, you are the man I am crazy about.

When it comes to non sexual things I think it makes a difference:
I *want *to spend more time with you is better than I *need *to spend more time with you. The former implies that I like spending time with him, the latter implies that I am feeling needy which is not a positive thing.

As for talking with my SO I am more careful with language:
I never say "we *need *to talk" as it can be start the conversation in a negative frame of mind.
I have learnt to say "I really *want *to talk to you". Men are fixers, they *want *to help so saying you *want *to talk with him implies that you value his input.

I *need *to get off this computer and do some jobs but I don't *want *to.


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## 40isthenew20 (Jul 12, 2012)

Any initiating on my wife's part would be a wonderful surprise and a great invitation. But 'I want you' sounds better to me. 'I need you' seems as if it's been too long since the last one.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

40isthenew20 said:


> Any initiating on my wife's part would be a wonderful surprise and a great invitation. But 'I want you' sounds better to me. 'I need you' seems as if it's been too long since the last one.


I can tell him I need him even if it's only been a couple of hours since the last one. But I'm bad like that


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## missymrs80 (Aug 5, 2012)

I NEED my husband for sure.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

There is a magic phrase "all about you". It can be used in many ways. 

Walk up behind him and wrap your arms around him. Whisper in his ear, "I need you to go take a hot shower and then come to bed. The rest of the night is going to be ALL about you"

Or come up behind him in the bedroom and do the same wrap and whisper: "Please don't move. Except as I ask. "Simon says", raise your arms. And then take his shirt off. Take his belt off, slide pants down, "simon says lift your left leg". 

You can leave out the simon says part if you like. Mostly old people like me know that phrase. Once he is naked "Get in bed, the rest of the night is all about you". 





OregonDucksFan said:


> I read these forums almost daily, and was hoping you all could answer my question.
> 
> I know that men really want to feel desired by their wives, so that's how I've been trying to approach intimacy now (so I initiate more myself).
> 
> ...


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

I hate the word "need"


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## Horsa (Jun 27, 2012)

Once during a party at a friend's house, my wife hug me and then whisper in my ear,"I want you now." I'm speechless, as I look her in the eyes, then drag her to the bathroom.
After some kissing, she said,"I need you in me now."
It was rough and passionate sex, but a great one nonetheless.


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## dormant (Apr 3, 2012)

"Want" definitely.


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

Well probably over analysing, but, I would interpret "I want you" as "I want you to 'take' me and 'take' me hard.

"I need you" as "I want and need you to take me in your arms and make love to me for as long as it takes."


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

"I need you more than want you, and I want you for all time."

One of the greatest love song lines of all time. From Glen Campbell's _Wichita Lineman_.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

OregonDucksFan said:


> *I want you*
> 
> or
> 
> *I need you*


Say it with your actions and he won't give a damn one way or another.


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## roger boschman (Aug 3, 2012)

OregonDucksFan said:


> I read these forums almost daily, and was hoping you all could answer my question.
> 
> I know that men really want to feel desired by their wives, so that's how I've been trying to approach intimacy now (so I initiate more myself).
> 
> ...


In bed I want to hear; I want you..in the daytime, I want to hear: I need you...

-- Roger G. Boschman


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## dogman (Jul 24, 2012)

OregonDucksFan said:


> I read these forums almost daily, and was hoping you all could answer my question.
> 
> I know that men really want to feel desired by their wives, so that's how I've been trying to approach intimacy now (so I initiate more myself).
> 
> ...



Personally I always liked "I need you inside me". That works every time.


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## cub!chy (May 7, 2012)

I want you, but saying it isn’t the best method. Show it, by sleeping naked every day, place your hand on his **ck every night, not once in a while, every night. Wake him every other day with oral; grind your behind on him as he passes you by multiple times a day. Masturbate him while he watches TV, let him finish on your breast, swallow, ride him, do anal, ride him while doing anal in front of a mirror, men love this. Allow him to record you, while doing this. Go with him to a strip club, and always be available to him. A wife needs to be a man’s HO, find out what else he likes, whatever that maybe and you will transcend the desire and become his perfection! Hopefully if he is a good man and smart, he will reciprocate.


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## Racer (Sep 24, 2009)

Language is a funny thing. Doesn’t matter what words you say really. What matters is the projection of the emotion behind them. My wife might say “I want you”... but I know her. I can say “my show is on”, and she’ll drop the subject. There is no ‘fight’ behind her words thus they hold no value. If she really ‘wanted’ me, she’d tell me to FO and start tearing my clothes off. 

I just want her to actually “want” me bad enough to fight for it. The words hold no value whatsoever if there isn’t a strong emotion behind it you are willing and wanting to unleash.


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## HossinMA (Oct 4, 2012)

I must admit. Words are nice. BUT actions speak volumes. 

Walk up behind him. Put your arms around his waist and snuggle your head into his back. 

Sit next to him. Hold his hand with one hand and gently rub his hand with another. 

When lying in bed roll over FACING him snuggle into his arm and chest and press your body to his. 

When you give him a hug intentionally let a breath escape as you lips pass his ear. 

stroke the side of his face, give him a nice deep kiss. 

When passing him at the counter, hallway, etc place your arm around him in some fashion and let it slowly slip off as you walk by. 



Now If I could just get my wife to read this and understand.


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## OregonDucksFan (Oct 2, 2012)

I completely agree. I like your suggestions. 

And I like that you say they would mean a lot to you (probably because they're the exact types of things I'm doing).

I wasn't meaning this in regards to sending a teasing text during the day.

The "need"/"want" statement is in addition to a physical display of affection (like the kind you've described)...and yeah, obviously I'm willing to _back it up_...otherwise it completely defeats my purpose

I think so far the consensus is: it doesn't matter too much.

I'll probably switch it up.











HossinMA said:


> I must admit. Words are nice. BUT actions speak volumes.
> 
> Walk up behind him. Put your arms around his waist and snuggle your head into his back.
> 
> ...


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## HossinMA (Oct 4, 2012)

;-). Good luck to you. 

Keep things alive and interesting in all aspects.


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## Son of Kong (Jul 12, 2012)

Racer said:


> Language is a funny thing. Doesn’t matter what words you say really. What matters is the projection of the emotion behind them. My wife might say “I want you”... but I know her. I can say “my show is on”, and she’ll drop the subject. There is no ‘fight’ behind her words thus they hold no value. If she really ‘wanted’ me, she’d tell me to FO and start tearing my clothes off.
> 
> I just want her to actually “want” me bad enough to fight for it. The words hold no value whatsoever if there isn’t a strong emotion behind it you are willing and wanting to unleash.


Sorry I am a man don't care what is on TV if my wife says that then game on but then again mine has some problems with initiating so that is a huge step for her not gonna do anything to discourage her. Congrats on having someone who is comfortable in telling you what she wants.

*I'm a good dog show me a treat and I will sit up and bark*


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