# When the missus wants to help...



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

This is something that happens from time to time, when the missus offers to help me with something but when I think it's my burden to handle. Guess I was raised like that, a man has to be a man with his own problems yes? However, she gets annoyed when she feels she has no input or if I don't tell her what's bothering me. She always tells me her problems if I poke her (and then again, I poke a lot hehe)

My last little sudden "I NEED SOME FRESH AIR" spur of the moment little rush off to the wilderness raised a few concerns. I just told her it's a burn out. So how to deal with this?


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

RandomDude said:


> This is something that happens from time to time, when the missus offers to help me with something but when I think it's my burden to handle. Guess I was raised like that, a man has to be a man with his own problems yes? However, she gets annoyed when she feels she has no input or if I don't tell her what's bothering me. She always tells me her problems if I poke her (and then again, I poke a lot hehe)
> 
> My last little sudden "I NEED SOME FRESH AIR" spur of the moment little rush off to the wilderness raised a few concerns. I just told her it's a burn out. So how to deal with this?


I have read alot of your posts, and I'm just curious....why are you married to her? Or married in general?????


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

I don't know what to tell you Randon Dude, some of us women just like to know what is going on, like we are a part in it all... I am like your wife too. I mean, if it is all GUY related stuff, how can I have an input, as that is HIS domain, but if you are talking "family" issues.... just asking her how she feels about something -could go a long way. Then after she gives her say... just let her know you simply NEED some time alone ----it truly is a GUY thing--the man cave. 

Why A Man Needs His Cave Time | The Young View | Midweek.com


I think your "I need some fresh air " moment, maybe had she known where you was going, it might have helped ease her mind a little, or some reassurance where she may be vulnerable in -instead of sheer silence...just giving her something small to go on . 

My husband is not the norm, he seriously ALWAYS asks my input -about near everything, he has always been this way, sometimes I even say to him ...." I don't know anything about that stuff, you are the expert!" But I am so happy that he includes me anyway. It makes ME feel valued. 

I guess us women just want a measure of that -to feel we are needed --at least a little. Doesn't mean you should do away with your cave, and being the man. Generally if some division is between you & her, hopefully , after some input, she will respect you enough to allow you -the final decision in the matter, so long as you have managed the family well and shown yourself approved, as a caring husband & devoted father.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

> I have read alot of your posts, and I'm just curious....why are you married to her? Or married in general?????


You tell me, I'm still figuring that one out :rofl:
All I know is that I've loved her for half a decade now, she's my best friend, my nemesis, and my wife.



> I don't know what to tell you Randon Dude, some of us women like to know what is going on, like we are a part in it all, I am like your wife too. I mean, if it is all GUY related stuff, how can I have an input, as that is HIS domain, but if you are talking "family" issues.... just asking her how she feels about something -could go along way. Then after she gives her say... just let her know you simply NEED some time alone ----it truly is a GUY thing--the man cave.
> Why A Man Needs His Cave Time | The Young View | Midweek.com
> 
> 
> ...


=/

Well to be honest, I don't let her in the same reason I dont want my daughter ending up cornered in an alley; I want to protect her from this.

My issue, in this in particular, is very complex, very painful. And she has nothing to do with it... either then her blood. It's political crap, and old ambitions, and old loyalties. She knows she married someone who always wanted to help his people no matter the cost, she knows I married HER instead of a woman of my own culture who can help preserve the few we have left to prevent self-genocide.

But I don't bring it up... we're in love. And besides we've already dealt with our inter-religious BS that she brought up, why should she have to put up with my inter-cultural/inter-racial BS? As soon as I stop thinking I'm happy, bah... funny, now I made this thread I'm thinking about it again.

Troubled me for years now even...
Like a f--king ghost


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

RandomDude said:


> You tell me, I'm still figuring that one out :rofl:
> All I know is that I've loved her for half a decade now, she's my best friend, my nemesis, and my wife.
> 
> 
> ...


You married a human being, right? You make it sound like you married into the Klingon clan or a Martian or something. Plenty of people have interacial marriages or differing religions but you make it sound like you are the only one on the planet who has faced this.
Bottom line, either you want to remain married or you don't and your daughter shouldn't be that reason.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

I have nothing against mixing blood, it's just cultural issues. Our people are rare enough as it is. Meh... guess I've never really gotten over the fact how my wife made me fall in love in her despite my commitments.

Anyways it's off-topic, the missus has no place in this. She knows of this already. But no need for her to know that it's not something yet solved. And if anyone needs to solve it, it's me. I'm just fed up of her poking me, that's something I do, not what she should do!


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

I want to know how does SHE feel about your people ? Does she dismiss your desires or support them, or you just never let her in deep enough cause she is an outsider and it is not her place, plus you have this Protection thing going on. But she is still your wife, then your little girl to think about. You step in involvement, how are you to KEEP them from total harm--if indeed harm can come ?? 

You said this


> Well to be honest, I don't let her in the same reason I dont want my daughter ending up cornered in an alley; I want to protect her from this


 If you decide to take a stand for your people, how are you going to hide this from her- it is not really possible is it ?


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

RandomDude said:


> I have nothing against mixing blood, it's just cultural issues. Our people are rare enough as it is. Meh... guess I've never really gotten over the fact how my wife made me fall in love in her despite my commitments.
> 
> !


I'm sorry but I'm calling bs on this. You willingly cheated on your ex-girlfriend with your now wife. Nobody made you do anything. Own that part and stop blaming someone else for your actions.


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## scione (Jul 11, 2011)

Therealbrighteyes said:


> I'm sorry but I'm calling bs on this. You willingly cheated on your ex-girlfriend with your now wife. Nobody made you do anything. Own that part and stop blaming someone else for your actions.


Haven't you read, his wife controls him.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

SimplyAmorous said:


> I want to know how does SHE feel about your people ? Does she dismiss your desires or support them, or you just never let her in deep enough cause she is an outsider and it is not her place, plus you have this Protection thing going on. But she is still your wife, then your little girl to think about. You step in involvement, how are you to KEEP them from total harm--if indeed harm can come ??
> 
> You said this If you decide to take a stand for your people, how are you going to hide this from her- it is not really possible is it ?


She felt I was a little extreme in the past, and we fought about it years ago. The thing is there's nothing she can really do, nor is it her problem. I just feel it's my thoughts to deal with, other issues I include her but not real personal ones like this.

She can't help so why share with her the burden anyway?


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## Zzyzx (Aug 24, 2011)

I believe that part of a woman knowing how to be in a relationship with a man is knowing when to leave him alone. That includes his time with his projects, his mancave, his friends, his corner of the yard, etc. In other words, don't smother that out of him. Of course that assumes his need to be apart is done in moderation.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

^ I agree

Then again I guess she's never been good with respecting my space, improved yes, but she still has difficulty with it. And she's very stubborn and persistent.

Guess I'll just keep feeding her BS to satisfy her otherwise unquenchable curiouscity.


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