# 7 ways to build trust in relationship



## nile (Nov 5, 2010)

Do you know these 7 concrete ways to build trust in a relationship? Often, what really makes a relationship work are not the things we think of first. For instance, do you think you always need to spice things up? Wrong! Predictability is more important than variety in a relationship. The following seven methods are guaranteed to grow your connection by improving the level of trust in a relationship.

First, as I mentioned in the opening paragraph, you need to be predictable. This goes against the common notion that you need to “stir things up” to keep the romance alive. Sure, going to a new restaurant or giving a surprise gift can be nice, but most of all, we need things to be consistent and steady in order to make our relationships work. Consider that trust in a relationship is built on being reliable day in and day out.

Next, you need to make sure that your words always match the message. This means that your partner needs to hear the words which match your body language. If you say you are happy but you are frowning, your partner doesn’t hear your words, he or she sees your face and the tone in your voice. Your parter needs to be able to trust what you are saying. When the words match the message, you build trust in a relationship.

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## Nekko (Oct 13, 2009)

Yes, that's exceptionally good advice, to a point. Predictability and honesty are quite important in a relationship. You need to know you have a partner who cares, loves you and will be faithful even if sometimes life won't be optimal and stress and problems invade your life. You need that as a "base" so to say. Deep down in the bottom of both people's hearts that feeling has to be present as well as "we'll be together forever no matter what" or "we'll overcome everything life throws at us together". 

Having said that, you also need to occasionally introduce a bit of mystery and insanity as play. Keep things fun and different (especially in the bedroom), making time to laugh, flirt, telling your partner things they may not know about you. It's a balancing right that people have a hard time getting right. But once they do i honestly believe that's one marriage that will last a lifetime. 

I once read Esther Perel's Mating in Captivity where she explained that since we're little kids we tend to want the stability, love and predictability of our families, but at the same time the novelty and excitement of the outside world. So kids will just occasionally take off, enjoy their freedom and then come right back to their home, for the stability and safety they need. This would explain why a lot of people decide to have affairs but it's also a good lesson to learn because there are ways in which you can have stability at home, with your spouse and learn to take off and have excitement away from home with your spouse as well. The important part, i guess, is to keep seeing your spouse as a play mate rather than a parent who can be only boring and predictable.


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