# hello can you please give me advice about my stepsons? its confusing and difficult



## new_step_mum (Apr 29, 2013)

hello can you give me advice of how to be a stepmum in this case? i am 19 and i got married in march and my hubby has a 14 year old son and 16 year old son and they are difficult to live with. i cannot prove it but i think one of the boys put sperm in my nightie (dried up) and another time just before we got married i found dried up sperm in my underwear in my draw. i mean both times i "think" it was sperm, but i cannot be sure. i do not think it was hubby, i asked him and he said no and i believe him. and the other thing is i walked past 16yo stepsons room and i think i heard myself. he buys fancy hidden cameras and i think he put a camera in my bedroom because i heard noises of myself and my hubby making love. i might be paranoid but it really did sound like my voice and hubby. i can't prove any of it and so if you know what i should do please help thank you i really appreciate any help


----------



## SaltInWound (Jan 2, 2013)

Have you searched your room and the bathroom for recording devices? Checked their room?


----------



## new_step_mum (Apr 29, 2013)

SaltInWound said:


> Have you searched your room and the bathroom for recording devices? Checked their room?


i have checked both bedrooms but found nothing, and i just checked the bathroom a minute ago and so far haven't found anything there either. i also am a bit embarrassed because my vibrator went missing a month ago and i never found it


----------



## SaltInWound (Jan 2, 2013)

They have no boundaries and you need to address this seriously with your husband. Your age should not give your stepsons the right to be disrespectful and don't allow your husband to brush it off as teenage pranks.


----------



## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

Have you talked to your husband about how difficult it is to live with his teenagers? 

You're a teenager yourself (especially to them) and undoubtedly they do not respect you as their 'step mom' or any type of authority. This will have to be handled by their father.


----------



## SaltInWound (Jan 2, 2013)

Have either of your stepsons made any sexual comments toward you or tried to touch you in any way? If so, maybe you need to purchase a voice recorder and carry it with you as evidence for your husband. In fact, it might not be a bad idea to go ahead and purchase one and put it in your own room, so you have evidence for when they are in your room rummaging around.


----------



## new_step_mum (Apr 29, 2013)

SaltInWound said:


> They have no boundaries and you need to address this seriously with your husband. Your age should not give your stepsons the right to be disrespectful and don't allow your husband to brush it off as teenage pranks.


i agree they don't seem to have boundaries but what should i say to hubby, i'm not sure because when i asked about the sperm he seemed to think it was just something from the clothes detergent from when they were washed. i mean its just this dry grey stuff on purple panties and black nightie. i might be wrong about it being sperm :/ but i think it is cos it smells like maybe. its really hard to know how to talk about it. and the video thing, really hard to be 100% sure too :/ and vibrator also i'm not sure if i just lost it or if stolen 



A Bit Much said:


> Have you talked to your husband about how difficult it is to live with his teenagers?
> 
> You're a teenager yourself (especially to them) and undoubtedly they do not respect you as their 'step mom' or any type of authority. This will have to be handled by their father.


i talked to hubby but about other things, the 16yo collided with me in the pool and it felt like he was rubbing against me on purpose. we have a swimming pool and it was summer from december to february. and 2 other things happened, i told hubby about the 3 things but he just said it was because they are in puberty  maybe he's right maybe i'm just not ready to be a stepmum.


----------



## new_step_mum (Apr 29, 2013)

SaltInWound said:


> Have either of your stepsons made any sexual comments toward you or tried to touch you in any way? If so, maybe you need to purchase a voice recorder and carry it with you as evidence for your husband. In fact, it might not be a bad idea to go ahead and purchase one and put it in your own room, so you have evidence for when they are in your room rummaging around.


oh ok salty! i never thought of that, thanks! i will put a recorder on when i leave the home and they are home  i guess its proof enough if there is clear noises of someone opening draws etc 
well they look down my top a lot because i have big breasts and its been really warm weather the last few months.


----------



## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

> i talked to hubby but about other things, the 16yo collided with me in the pool and it felt like he was rubbing against me on purpose. we have a swimming pool and it was summer from december to february. and 2 other things happened, i told hubby about the 3 things but he just said it was because they are in puberty maybe he's right maybe i'm just not ready to be a stepmum.


I don't think it has to do with being a stepmum at all. It has to do with trying to 'mother' kids your own age. 

You're very young and could be your husbands own child considering the ages of these boys. I don't see this family arrangement going well at all. If the 16 year old is that aggressive with you who's to say he wouldn't attack you? If your husband can't see the danger he's put you in then IMO he's not very smart.


----------



## new_step_mum (Apr 29, 2013)

A Bit Much said:


> I don't think it has to do with being a stepmum at all. It has to do with trying to 'mother' kids your own age.
> 
> You're very young and could be your husbands own child considering the ages of these boys. I don't see this family arrangement going well at all. If the 16 year old is that aggressive with you who's to say he wouldn't attack you? If your husband can't see the danger he's put you in then IMO he's not very smart.


its really tricky, but at least they aren't violent, i mean it was just like we swam into each other and he put his hands around my bottom and pressed us together but not a violent way, just like a cuddle. i don't mean to make them out to be rapists or anything just they focus on me a lot. i could never leave hubby i love him for life :butterfly::fish: and we always have fun together and are in love like nobody else i've ever been with.


----------



## SaltInWound (Jan 2, 2013)

new_step_mum said:


> i talked to hubby but about other things, the 16yo collided with me in the pool and it felt like he was rubbing against me on purpose. we have a swimming pool and it was summer from december to february. and 2 other things happened, i told hubby about the 3 things but *he just said it was because they are in puberty * maybe he's right maybe i'm just not ready to be a stepmum.


Your husband is being disrespectful toward you by not setting boundaries with his boys. You are not something to be shared, nor are you to be used for pubescent curiosity. If he doesn't put as stop to "accidental brushes" and looking down a shirt, how long will it take for them to start grabbing? What is to prevent them from telling dad "Hey, she made a pass at me. I'm just a teen and couldn't resist". I see nothing good of this situation. Stop it now. Make him take you seriously.


----------



## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

Sounds like the grabbing already started Salt. Le sigh.

OP if you really want to do something about this and if it's a serious issue for you, then you'll make your husband understand that you won't tolerate his boys treating you like this. Until THAT happens, you're not going to get anywhere, except more sexually playful, invasions of your personal space and privacy.


----------



## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

A Bit Much said:


> If the 16 year old is that aggressive with you who's to say he wouldn't attack you? If your husband can't see the danger he's put you in then IMO he's not very smart.


Seriously? If you really think that a 16 year-old boy playing grabass with a 19 year-old girl is a precursor to a violent assault, then I don't think you have the right to question anyone else's intelligence.


----------



## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

I think a recording device/camera in your room is probably your best bet. Another option would be to lock your door when you're not in there.

You need to try to get them to respect you as a person. You'll never be an authority figure to them. You're their peer. So, you have to try to get them to be nice to you like you would expect them to be nice to a girl in their class.

Good luck.


----------



## daffodilly (Oct 3, 2011)

PHTlump said:


> I think a recording device/camera in your room is probably your best bet. Another option would be to lock your door when you're not in there.
> 
> You need to try to get them to respect you as a person. You'll never be an authority figure to them. You're their peer. So, you have to try to get them to be nice to you like you would expect them to be nice to a girl in their class.
> 
> Good luck.


It's really her husband's responsibility to demand this respect of her from his sons. He should be taking her concerns seriously, not dismissing them as "just puberty". It's ridiculously inappropriate and won't stop unless he puts a stop to it.


----------



## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

PHTlump said:


> Seriously? If you really think that a 16 year-old boy playing grabass with a 19 year-old girl is a precursor to a violent assault, then I don't think you have the right to question anyone else's intelligence.



I should have phrased it differently. Sexual assault is what I meant. and sorry he shouldn't be playing GRABASS WITH HIS FATHERS WIFE. Or that seems completely reasonable to you??


----------



## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

And for the slower posters on here the definition of sexual assault is here:

*sexual assault*
n.
_Conduct of a sexual or indecent nature toward another person that is accompanied by actual or threatened physical force or that induces fear, shame, or mental suffering._


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

How thoroughly did you search the bedroom for a recording of yourself? Did you empty out the entire closet? Did you check under the mattress?

Look for slits in the side of the mattress. 

You might be looking for a very small card from a camera.


----------



## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

A Bit Much said:


> I should have phrased it differently. Sexual assault is what I meant.


My point stands. A teenage boy goosing a teenage girl in the pool isn't even close to any kind of an assault.



> and sorry he shouldn't be playing GRABASS WITH HIS FATHERS WIFE. Or that seems completely reasonable to you??


I'll agree that it's inappropriate. But it's not criminal. And it's certainly understandable for teenage boys to be interested in a large-breasted teenage girl.


----------



## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

PHTlump said:


> My point stands. A teenage boy goosing a teenage girl in the pool isn't even close to any kind of an assault.
> 
> 
> I'll agree that it's inappropriate. But it's not criminal. And it's certainly understandable for teenage boys to be interested in a large-breasted teenage girl.



Wow.


----------



## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

A Bit Much said:


> And for the slower posters on here the definition of sexual assault is here:
> 
> *sexual assault*
> n.
> _Conduct of a sexual or indecent nature toward another person that is accompanied by actual or threatened physical force or that induces fear, shame, or mental suffering._


Good resource. Let's examine the OP's own words and see how well they match up with your definition of sexual assault. She said, "... *they aren't violent*, i mean it was just like we swam into each other and he put his hands around my bottom and pressed us together but *not a violent way*, just like a cuddle. *i don't mean to make them out to be rapists or anything* just they focus on me a lot." [emphasis added]

So, she said twice that they weren't violent and that she doesn't want to make them out as rapists. And you still think concerns of sexual assault are appropriate. What were you saying about slower posters?


----------



## new_step_mum (Apr 29, 2013)

A Bit Much said:


> Sounds like the grabbing already started Salt. Le sigh.
> 
> OP if you really want to do something about this and if it's a serious issue for you, then you'll make your husband understand that you won't tolerate his boys treating you like this. Until THAT happens, you're not going to get anywhere, except more sexually playful, invasions of your personal space and privacy.


i'll try to :/



PHTlump said:


> I think a recording device/camera in your room is probably your best bet. Another option would be to lock your door when you're not in there.
> 
> You need to try to get them to respect you as a person. You'll never be an authority figure to them. You're their peer. So, you have to try to get them to be nice to you like you would expect them to be nice to a girl in their class.
> 
> Good luck.


we have no lock : (
nobody respects me much, my boobs are too big for my body and nobody sees me for more than them but i will try to change things.



EleGirl said:


> How thoroughly did you search the bedroom for a recording of yourself? Did you empty out the entire closet? Did you check under the mattress?
> 
> Look for slits in the side of the mattress.
> 
> You might be looking for a very small card from a camera.


oh ok i'll try again


----------



## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

PHTlump said:


> Good resource. Let's examine the OP's own words and see how well they match up with your definition of sexual assault. She said, "... *they aren't violent*, i mean it was just like we swam into each other and he put his hands around my bottom and pressed us together but *not a violent way*, just like a cuddle. *i don't mean to make them out to be rapists or anything* just they focus on me a lot." [emphasis added]
> 
> So, she said twice that they weren't violent and that she doesn't want to make them out as rapists. And you still think concerns of sexual assault are appropriate. What were you saying about slower posters?


Nowhere in my source is the word VIOLENT mentioned, nor did I say it in any of MY posts. An assault doesn't have to be violent, it is AN UNWANTED physical touch. Their behavior is causing her MENTAL SUFFERING, maybe not shame or fear, but its enough of an issue to come here to a forum to ask questions about what to do regarding their behavior.

If the OP has a problem with their behavior, then their father needs to address it. That's the bottom line for me.


----------



## daffodilly (Oct 3, 2011)

new_step_mum said:


> nobody respects me much, my boobs are too big for my body and nobody sees me for more than them but i will try to change things.


This right here is your biggest problem. Do you include your husband in the group that does not respect you much? If so, why did you marry a man who does see or respect you beyond your body??? :scratchhead:


----------



## new_step_mum (Apr 29, 2013)

SaltInWound said:


> Your husband is being disrespectful toward you by not setting boundaries with his boys. You are not something to be shared, nor are you to be used for pubescent curiosity. If he doesn't put as stop to "accidental brushes" and looking down a shirt, how long will it take for them to start grabbing? What is to prevent them from telling dad "Hey, she made a pass at me. I'm just a teen and couldn't resist". I see nothing good of this situation. Stop it now. Make him take you seriously.


i'll try to :/ 
i think thats the thing i'm afraid of most. if hubby ever thinks i have romantic feelings for the boys it would be awful. hubby already thinks my tennis coach is too close to me.


----------



## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

Google hidden cameras, they come in many shapes and forms, as well as recorders. I would look at the vents, closets, picture frames, outlets, clocks, check computers and laptops see if they are programmed. Install a key logger if he's recording he may be emailing or downloading it. Go through his room when they are out. Check backpacks, computers, drawers, closets under the bed. 
If you do find something, don't let them down play it, people can go to jail for this type of behavior.


----------



## tiredwife&sahm (Jan 4, 2012)

PHTlump said:


> My point stands. A teenage boy goosing a teenage girl in the pool isn't even close to any kind of an assault.
> 
> 
> I'll agree that it's inappropriate. But it's not criminal. And it's certainly understandable for teenage boys to be interested in a large-breasted teenage girl.


Seriously,don't be obtuse.Teenage girl or not,SHE IS HIS WIFE:slap:. Good grief, I'm starting to hate this world and the people in it.


----------



## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

You can also get one of these to find hidden cameras. Also, Check the toilets and showers, and look at your bank and credit card statements. He may have purchased one using those cards.


----------



## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

A Bit Much said:


> Nowhere in my source is the word VIOLENT mentioned, nor did I say it in any of MY posts.


Um, remember way back when you posted the definition of a sexual assault? Remember when you posted that it was "accompanied by actual or threatened physical force or that induces fear, shame, or mental suffering?"

Now, Merriam-Webster defines violence as "exertion of physical force so as to injure or abuse." Notice how the words "physical force" appears in both definitions? You could even substitute the word "violence" for the words "physical force" in the definition of sexual assault.

For the slower posters, let's try it! Sexual assault is "accompanied by actual or threatened *violence* ..." Wow! That sure is out of left field, isn't it?



> Their behavior is causing her MENTAL SUFFERING, maybe not shame or fear, but its enough of an issue to come here to a forum to ask questions about what to do regarding their behavior.


Well, not really. Her first posts were about her stepsons going through her underwear drawers and taping her having sex. How much mental suffering is her stepson's pool antics causing her if she forgot to bring it up until a subsequent post, and then followed it up with disclaimers that it was more like cuddling than an assault?



> If the OP has a problem with their behavior, then their father needs to address it. That's the bottom line for me.


Sure. I have agreed that their behavior is inappropriate. I have just disagreed that it's criminal. Having their father deal with them is appropriate. Having the police deal with them is stupid.


----------



## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

PHTlump said:


> My point stands. A teenage boy goosing a teenage girl in the pool isn't even close to any kind of an assault.
> 
> 
> I'll agree that it's inappropriate. But it's not criminal. And it's certainly understandable for teenage boys to be interested in a large-breasted teenage girl.


It's a crime in most states so yes it's criminal!
http://www.sexlaws.org/answer_board_question-secretly_videotaping_sex


----------



## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

tiredwife&sahm said:


> Seriously,don't be obtuse.Teenage girl or not,SHE IS HIS WIFE:slap:. Good grief, I'm starting to hate this world and the people in it.


I know how you feel. I agree that it's inappropriate for boys to be interested in their stepmother. But their father is at least in his early thirties. You have to be nuts to equate a stepmother that is the same age as their father (say 35), with a 19 year-old girl.

I mean, if my wife brought home a 19 year-old girl with large breasts, you can bet the farm that I would take notice. And I have a hell of a lot more self-restraint then a teenage boy does.


----------



## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

PHTlump said:


> Um, remember way back when you posted the definition of a sexual assault? Remember when you posted that it was "accompanied by actual or threatened physical force or that induces fear, shame, or mental suffering?"
> 
> Now, Merriam-Webster defines violence as "exertion of physical force so as to injure or abuse." Notice how the words "physical force" appears in both definitions? *You could even substitute the word "violence" for the words "physical force" in the definition of sexual assault.*
> 
> ...


Evil Knievil couldn't have made that jump, but I digress. And I'm sure Merriam-Webster could use whatever word they choose to define another. If they wanted to use violence/violent, they would have. 

Your opinion is not uncommon though. It's the very reason why many women don't speak up when things like this (unwanted sexual attention) happens to them.


----------



## SaltInWound (Jan 2, 2013)

new_step_mum said:


> hubby already thinks my tennis coach is too close to me.


What is your husband saying to you about that? I find it disgusting that he would have a problem with a tennis coach possibly getting physical contact with you in a sexual way, yet his own sons are already doing it and he thinks it is cute.


----------



## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

mablenc said:


> It's a crime in most states so yes it's criminal!


Well, we're going to have to build more prisons. Maybe hire a bunch of undercover teenage officers to swim around in bikinis. That's the problem with the world today. All of these horny teenage boys are at the swimming pools instead of locked up.


----------



## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

A Bit Much said:


> Evil Knievil couldn't have made that jump, but I digress. And I'm sure Merriam-Webster could use whatever word they choose to define another. If they wanted to use violence/violent, they would have.


You're saying that substituting the word violence for the words physical force, when that is exactly the definition of the word violence is a jump? Hokay.



> Your opinion is not uncommon though. It's the very reason why many women don't speak up when things like this (unwanted sexual attention) happens to them.


Sadly, it's uncommon enough. What seems to be more common is your opinion that unwanted sexual attention is a criminal matter that should be punishable by jail time.


----------



## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

Really? So if a horny teenage boy rapes someone it's ok too. Oh well teenage behavior. Its illegal to record someone with out their consent. She is his stepmother not a school crush. She needs to be respected horny step kid or not. 
The problem with the world today are adults like you justifying criminal behavior on hormones.


----------



## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

PHTlump said:


> You're saying that substituting the word violence for the words physical force, when that is exactly the definition of the word violence is a jump? Hokay.
> 
> 
> Sadly, it's uncommon enough. What seems to be more common is your opinion that unwanted sexual attention is a criminal matter that should be punishable by jail time.


I would appreciate it if you stopped putting words in my mouth.


----------



## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

mablenc said:


> Really? So if a horny teenage boy rapes someone it's ok too. Oh well teenage behavior.


What? We're talking about cuddling in a pool, not rape. The OP even said explicitly that she didn't want to make them out as rapists.

That's what gets so frustrating about these threads. It's female Da Vinci Code logic. If a teenage boy looked down the shirt of a large-breasted teenage girl and cuddled with her in the pool, well it's almost assault, then everybody gets their dander up and suddenly, anyone who takes exception with that is defending rape. Whatever.



> Its illegal to record someone with out their consent.


Is recording someone without their consent rape? I didn't think so.



> She is his stepmother not a school crush. She needs to be respected horny step kid or not.


You want to tell a teenage boy which large-breasted 19 year-old girls are appropriate to find attractive and which aren't? Good luck with that.



> The problem with the world today are adults like you justifying criminal behavior on hormones.


I haven't justified anything criminal. I have never said it was OK for the kid to go through her underwear drawers or record her having sex. What I have said is that it's stupid to equate looking down her shirt and cuddling with rape. Apparently, it's just me. For many of the women here, the cops should be running stings busting men for looking at women's cleavage. As I said, we'll have to build more prisons first.


----------



## daffodilly (Oct 3, 2011)

PHTlump said:


> You're saying that substituting the word violence for the words physical force, when that is exactly the definition of the word violence is a jump? Hokay.
> 
> 
> Sadly, it's uncommon enough. What seems to be more common is your opinion that unwanted sexual attention is a criminal matter that should be punishable by jail time.


Okay, seriously now, none of this is helpful to the OP. At all. Call the behavior whatever you want, criminal or not criminal, but bottom line it's definitely NOT acceptable and should not be dismissed.


----------



## daffodilly (Oct 3, 2011)

PHTlump said:


> You want to tell a teenage boy which large-breasted 19 year-old girls are appropriate to find attractive and which aren't? Good luck with that.


No, but you can tell a teenage boy that regardless if they find a 19 year old girl attractive, it's not their right to cop a feel or jerk off in her underwear because they want to. I just don't see this as a "kids will be kids" situation to shrug off.


----------



## IceQueen (Feb 25, 2013)

The accusations that the OP is throwing out there are extremely strong. And if I am reading correctly, the OP has no proof. 

For all the OP knows, the teenage stepkid could have been watching porn. What kind of kid wants to watch their own father having sex. Accusing a CHILD (a teenage child) of a sexual assault (videotaping sex) could potentially hurt the child and put a stigma that the kid is a sexual predator. Unless there is proof, the kid didn't do anything. 

The semen on the clothes. My first thought if I saw something on my clothing is not that it would be semen. And I certainly would not think it was my husband, and if I did, we would have some bigger issues to talk about.


----------



## new_step_mum (Apr 29, 2013)

mablenc said:


> Google hidden cameras, they come in many shapes and forms, as well as recorders. I would look at the vents, closets, picture frames, outlets, clocks, check computers and laptops see if they are programmed. Install a key logger if he's recording he may be emailing or downloading it. Go through his room when they are out. Check backpacks, computers, drawers, closets under the bed.
> If you do find something, don't let them down play it, people can go to jail for this type of behavior.





mablenc said:


> You can also get one of these to find hidden cameras. Also, Check the toilets and showers, and look at your bank and credit card statements. He may have purchased one using those cards.


thanks! i hope i find it if its there. but i know he has them somewhere cos he told his dad he bought them and was bragging about how useful they are! i was in the kitchen and i heard them talking about it in another room. i hope i'm wrong tho. i read a nice novel and enjoy myself when hubbys late home at night.



SaltInWound said:


> What is your husband saying to you about that? I find it disgusting that he would have a problem with a tennis coach possibly getting physical contact with you in a sexual way, yet his own sons are already doing it and he thinks it is cute.


hi salty  i never thought of it that way! hubby thinks i have feelings for my coach cos after tennis he said i am really needy and he thinks its because my coach is making me excited. but hubby really started suspicion cos hubby came to pick me up and he saw my coach touching my back and hubby said he was touch my bra strap. i think he was just positioning my body to teach technique.


----------



## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

IceQueen said:


> The accusations that the OP is throwing out there are extremely strong. And if I am reading correctly, the OP has no proof.
> 
> For all the OP knows, the teenage stepkid could have been watching porn. What kind of kid wants to watch their own father having sex. Accusing a CHILD (a teenage child) of a sexual assault (videotaping sex) could potentially hurt the child and put a stigma that the kid is a sexual predator. Unless there is proof, the kid didn't do anything.
> 
> The semen on the clothes. My first thought if I saw something on my clothing is not that it would be semen. And I certainly would not think it was my husband, and if I did, we would have some bigger issues to talk about.



There is no proof but, huge red flags. The son has according to the OP fancy hidden cameras, she thought she heard herself (could have been porn) the stains on her clothes and underware missing. She's right to look further into it of course before making accusations.


----------



## new_step_mum (Apr 29, 2013)

IceQueen said:


> The accusations that the OP is throwing out there are extremely strong. And if I am reading correctly, the OP has no proof.
> 
> For all the OP knows, the teenage stepkid could have been watching porn. What kind of kid wants to watch their own father having sex. Accusing a CHILD (a teenage child) of a sexual assault (videotaping sex) could potentially hurt the child and put a stigma that the kid is a sexual predator. Unless there is proof, the kid didn't do anything.
> 
> The semen on the clothes. My first thought if I saw something on my clothing is not that it would be semen. And I certainly would not think it was my husband, and if I did, we would have some bigger issues to talk about.





mablenc said:


> There is no proof but, huge red flags. The son has according to the OP fancy hidden cameras, she thought she heard herself (could have been porn) the stains on her clothes and underware missing. She's right to look further into it of course before making accusations.


thank you mab :iagree: i'm being very careful to be smart about figuring it out and not rushing.


----------



## new_step_mum (Apr 29, 2013)

maybe hubby is not worried about it much because i guess because they have been together for so long as 3 guys, cos hubby's wife died long time ago. i can tell how close they are. we were at the beach and his 14yo son had this erection and hubby said "go and rub that out in the water it you want" and i was shocked but i guess they are like really open cos they had no girls in the family for so long :0. hubby is open about me and him too and has rubbed my top and bottom with his sons next to us. hubby might not care if his sons like my body. i just don't want it to keep getting more and more serious and them to think they can sleep with me or something :/


----------



## SaltInWound (Jan 2, 2013)

new_step_mum said:


> thanks! i hope i find it if its there. but i know he has them somewhere cos *he told his dad he bought them and was bragging about how useful they are!* i was in the kitchen and i heard them talking about it in another room. i hope i'm wrong tho. i read a nice novel and enjoy myself when hubbys late home at night.


Again, this was an opportunity for your husband to ask his sons why they would need a recording device in the house.......or need more than one. And go over boundaries for what the recorders could be used for. Perhaps the next time you hear something that sounds like your voice, you can go to your husband, tell him of your suspicions, and have him go to his boys and demand they give him the recorders on the spot....that way they will have to reveal where they are hidden as they retrieve them.....and anything on the recorders at that time will be proof of what the recorders are used for.


----------



## new_step_mum (Apr 29, 2013)

SaltInWound said:


> Again, this was an opportunity for your husband to ask his sons why they would need a recording device in the house.......or need more than one. And go over boundaries for what the recorders could be used for. Perhaps the next time you hear something that sounds like your voice, you can go to your husband, tell him of your suspicions, and have him go to his boys and demand they give him the recorders on the spot....that way they will have to reveal where they are hidden as they retrieve them.....and anything on the recorders at that time will be proof of what the recorders are used for.


i love this idea thanks salty i will do this next time  , cos they will have no time to delete the footage! when i heard the 16yo bragging about it he mentioned something about making a documentary at school.


----------



## SaltInWound (Jan 2, 2013)

new_step_mum said:


> i love this idea thanks salty i will do this next time  , cos they will have no time to delete the footage! when i heard the 16yo bragging about it he mentioned something about making a documentary at school.


And depending on whether or not he is recording you and your husband having sex, he could be sharing that with friends at school.


----------



## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

new_step_mum said:


> hubby is open about me and him too and has rubbed my top and bottom with his sons next to us. hubby might not care if his sons like my body. i just don't want it to keep getting more and more serious and them to think they can sleep with me or something :/


Do you mean that they were watching or just near them? Please don't do anything you are not comfortable with.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## IceQueen (Feb 25, 2013)

If my husband touched me in a sexual way in front of any teenage child, then I would get up and leave. IMHO it is near child-abuse for a grown man to be touching a woman sexually, intentionally, in front of a child (teenager is still a child). He is a grown man who should be able to control himself. If he can't control himself, then how do you expect him to control his children? How would you feel watching your dad touching his SO in front of you. 

You can put a stop to that right away.

Also, I would make sure I had absolute proof before accusing someone of a sexual crime. If someone accused my son of a sex-crime without proof, then I would feel the need to protect my child who was being accused (without proof.)


----------



## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

How long did you date him before you married him?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

new_step_mum said:


> hubby is open about me and him too and has rubbed my top and bottom with his sons next to us. hubby might not care if his sons like my body. i just don't want it to keep getting more and more serious and them to think they can sleep with me or something :/


There is a pre-history that is totally absent here and it is a red flag insofar as the story goes. 

There was a courtship. During that courtship you would have interacted around the boys, and this established some kind of protocol. 

Both you and your husband are in control of how you act around them. Being open sexually in front of them like this is an invitation. 

You are telling them that it is OK to watch your boobs and crotch being fondled in front of them, which is essentially being a soft pornography show for them. Since no boundaries have been drawn, they are following through with whacking off in your panties and filming you. 

They are not the problem so much as you and your husband are in terms of being too loose around them and not defining what the boundaries are.


----------



## new_step_mum (Apr 29, 2013)

SaltInWound said:


> And depending on whether or not he is recording you and your husband having sex, he could be sharing that with friends at school.


hubbys at work a lot so im more scared of them having me alone on tape. nobody has ever seen me do that and it would be the most embarrassing for sure. oh well i might be wrong 



mablenc said:


> Do you mean that they were watching or just near them? Please don't do anything you are not comfortable with.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


it happens a lot like when i'm cooking sometimes hubby rubs my bottom and between with the boys seeing. but rubbing my top is when im in a bikini during our bbq. i was worried when boys saw for the first times but i'm ok now 



mablenc said:


> How long did you date him before you married him?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


he was my dentist so that was like dates cos i had to go ever year for a long long long time. we met 7 years ago. 



IceQueen said:


> If my husband touched me in a sexual way in front of any teenage child, then I would get up and leave. IMHO it is near child-abuse for a grown man to be touching a woman sexually, intentionally, in front of a child (teenager is still a child). He is a grown man who should be able to control himself. If he can't control himself, then how do you expect him to control his children? How would you feel watching your dad touching his SO in front of you.
> 
> You can put a stop to that right away.
> 
> Also, I would make sure I had absolute proof before accusing someone of a sexual crime. If someone accused my son of a sex-crime without proof, then I would feel the need to protect my child who was being accused (without proof.)


i never thought about it that way  if its child abuse. its his parenting decisions so i guess i can't stop it. it bothered me at first but now it feels comfy.

i promise i will never mention it to hubby unless it has proof. i only talked to hubby about my nightie and panties smudges :/


----------



## new_step_mum (Apr 29, 2013)

Wiserforit said:


> There is a pre-history that is totally absent here and it is a red flag insofar as the story goes.
> 
> There was a courtship. During that courtship you would have interacted around the boys, and this established some kind of protocol.
> 
> ...


oh no. that sounds horrible 
i never realised, i guess i have no experience with parents being together cos i never met my dad. i wasn't really sure about how things like that can invent children's approaches.


----------



## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

Do you have friends and family near you? Something just does no sit right. He should be treating you like a lady and not doing that infront of his sons.
You say you know him since you were 12? Is that correct, how long did you date him? As a couple and did he treat you differently around how sons. Sorry you just seem so young I just want to help you as much as possible. My husband and I kiss and hug in front of my son but to do more or even look aroused is disrespectful to me and my son. You need to set boundaries, if you don't locked doors get locks.

When you vocie your concerns don't let him brush it off as boys will be boys. Also don't accept any unwelcome or unwanted contact, a hug is a hug but a rub is a rub. If yo feel uncomfortable then it is, only you can decide that. Don't be afraid to ask them to stop certain behavior such as rubbing off in the water. Get up and leave. Anything that they would not do in front of their mother should not be done in front of you. You say they are close I would call it disrespectful.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## IceQueen (Feb 25, 2013)

new_step_mum said:


> hubbys at work a lot so im more scared of them having me alone on tape. nobody has ever seen me do that and it would be the most embarrassing for sure. oh well i might be wrong
> 
> 
> 
> ...


It is child abuse if he is sexually touching you in front of his kids. If you decide to have kids with him, will you be okay with him groping you in front of your mutual children as they grow up into teenagers? 

My father is with a woman who is younger than I am, and I respect her 100 percent. Because she is classy, and extremely respectful of herself and those around her. I can't imagine having any respect for my father if he didn't think highly enough of me to be control himself in front of me.

If I were his sons, I would be completely embarrassed and mortified.

If you suspect there is any taping going on, then perhaps you could "take care of business" when they arent home in another room.

I agree with mabel, that your husband should be treating you like a lady, with respect and dignity.


----------



## TCSRedhead (Oct 17, 2012)

Firm boundaries stated clearly need to be established.

Door locks - starting immediately.


----------



## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

new_step_mum said:


> oh no. that sounds horrible
> i never realised, i guess i have no experience with parents being together cos i never met my dad. i wasn't really sure about how things like that can invent children's approaches.


Picture your mom getting felt up in front of you as a kid, and you'll understand it better. Would you enjoy seeing that?

It's not right. Your husband doesn't respect you any more than his boys do, and that's the real problem here. You're like a live toy or something to all of them.


----------



## new_step_mum (Apr 29, 2013)

mablenc said:


> Do you have friends and family near you? Something just does no sit right. He should be treating you like a lady and not doing that infront of his sons.
> You say you know him since you were 12? Is that correct, how long did you date him? As a couple and did he treat you differently around how sons. Sorry you just seem so young I just want to help you as much as possible. My husband and I kiss and hug in front of my son but to do more or even look aroused is disrespectful to me and my son. You need to set boundaries, if you don't locked doors get locks.
> 
> When you vocie your concerns don't let him brush it off as boys will be boys. Also don't accept any unwelcome or unwanted contact, a hug is a hug but a rub is a rub. If yo feel uncomfortable then it is, only you can decide that. Don't be afraid to ask them to stop certain behavior such as rubbing off in the water. Get up and leave. Anything that they would not do in front of their mother should not be done in front of you. You say they are close I would call it disrespectful.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


thankx mablenc your nice  i have friends that i play tennis with everyday that live a few mins away yep pretty close. mum is a longer drive away but she said she's going to move really close! :smthumbup:
yeppers we met when i was 12 but not dating until i was 17 and a half. i remember feeling hot around him when i was 14 lol he is so hottie! 
oh i never saw his son rub off in the water but i just mean he said for his son to 'rub it off in the water' cos his son had this big erection. but i dont think his son did that in the water i just mean they are really open hehe.



IceQueen said:


> It is child abuse if he is sexually touching you in front of his kids. If you decide to have kids with him, will you be okay with him groping you in front of your mutual children as they grow up into teenagers?
> 
> My father is with a woman who is younger than I am, and I respect her 100 percent. Because she is classy, and extremely respectful of herself and those around her. I can't imagine having any respect for my father if he didn't think highly enough of me to be control himself in front of me.
> 
> ...


it would absolutely be disgusting if my mum was rubbed by a man i agree! i guess its a bit different cos i'm not rubbing my hubby in front of his sons. hubby is rubbing me 
i hope i'm wrong about the hidden camera filming me!



TCSRedhead said:


> Firm boundaries stated clearly need to be established.
> 
> Door locks - starting immediately.


i'm not sure what hubby will think of door locks, but maybe :/


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

new_step_mum said:


> i'll try to :/
> 
> we have no lock : (
> nobody respects me much, my boobs are too big for my body and nobody sees me for more than them but i will try to change things.
> ...


I think that you need to get into individual counseling. This statement brings out the core of your problem.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

You need to put a lock on your bedroom door. Also search the room for cameras. they can be put in anything these days. 

Spend as little time around his sons as possible. Cover up around them.

Also read some books on step parenting.

How old is your husband?


----------



## tiredwife&sahm (Jan 4, 2012)

I don't know maybe it's just me but after reading several of your post my take is that your husband is flaunting you in front of the boys on purpose. It's probably a huge boost to his ego for him to know that his boys think that they have a hot young stepmom.


----------



## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

i'm not sure what hubby will think of door locks, but maybe :/[/QUOTE]

This should not be negotiable all homes have lockes for privacy especially with teenagers. If you have to install them do it, you tube has tutorials. Why do they not have locks?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

new_step_mum said:


> it happens a lot like when i'm cooking sometimes hubby rubs my bottom and between with the boys seeing. but rubbing my top is when im in a bikini during our bbq. i was worried when boys saw for the first times but i'm ok now


I wouldn't worry about him rubbing your butt. But I wouldn't be OK with him fondling your breasts or crotch in front of other people. I think children should be aware that marriage is a sexual relationship. But there are obviously limits to how much they should see.



> i never thought about it that way  if its child abuse. its his parenting decisions so i guess i can't stop it. it bothered me at first but now it feels comfy.


I guess I'm pretty conservative. I think of child abuse as beating children, not feeding children, that kind of stuff. I wouldn't really consider making children uncomfortable by letting them see their father groping his teenage wife as abuse. However, you should limit your public fondling. You wouldn't let your husband fondle your breasts in front of your mother, would you?


----------



## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

tiredwife&sahm said:


> I don't know maybe it's just me but after reading several of your post my take is that your husband is flaunting you in front of the boys on purpose. It's probably a huge boost to his ego for him to know that his boys think that they have a hot young stepmom.


Of course he is. If this isn't a troll thread. 

I'm leaning towards being played. There's too much flavor of "I woke up one day and I was married to this old guy, and his son was boffing me in the pool... I'm just not sure if it is appropriate"

So there is a two year dating period prior to getting married with zero information on how they conducted themselves in front of the kids.


----------



## PieceOfSky (Apr 7, 2013)

If you are who you are saying you are, then consider this:

1) Assume you are being filmed.
2) Assume that was semen on your panties. Save the panties in a safe place away from your home.
3) I have never known any father that would (a) point out his son's erection to everyone (b) instruct him to go rub one off.
4) If you care to find out what is in your husband's mind, ask him "Well, what if my suspicion is correct -- that it is your son's semen, what would we do?" Don't believe his answer, but, maybe it would be something to think about.
5) What does your mum think about all this?
6) There are ways to test for the presence of semen. Search for them: 

http://www.ozspy.com.au/products/12-Miscellaneous/81-CheckMate---Infidelity-Detection-Kit/

7) Vibrators don't just "get lost".


----------



## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

PHTlump said:


> My point stands. *A teenage boy goosing a teenage girl in the pool isn't even close to any kind of an assault.*
> 
> 
> I'll agree that it's inappropriate. But it's not criminal. And it's certainly understandable for teenage boys to be interested in a large-breasted teenage girl.


Oh it absolutely is criminal. Fondling / molesting someone against their wishes is very much an assault and IS criminal.

Try walking up to a woman in a store and doing this and see what happens to you.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

There are semen test kits. Get one and test the garments you think have semen on them. If it’s semen, then you can have a DNA test done.


----------



## new_step_mum (Apr 29, 2013)

EleGirl said:


> You need to put a lock on your bedroom door. Also search the room for cameras. they can be put in anything these days.
> 
> Spend as little time around his sons as possible. Cover up around them.
> 
> ...


i just asked hubby today about locks but he said its not safe if someone faints cos nobody would know they fainted  he's right . i spend most time at tennis with gf and in bedroom today after tennis until cooking yummy spaghetti bol. hubby 42.



tiredwife&sahm said:


> I don't know maybe it's just me but after reading several of your post my take is that your husband is flaunting you in front of the boys on purpose. It's probably a huge boost to his ego for him to know that his boys think that they have a hot young stepmom.


not sure. hubby is affectionate when boys are not arround too


----------



## new_step_mum (Apr 29, 2013)

PHTlump said:


> I wouldn't worry about him rubbing your butt. But I wouldn't be OK with him fondling your breasts or crotch in front of other people. I think children should be aware that marriage is a sexual relationship. But there are obviously limits to how much they should see.
> 
> 
> I guess I'm pretty conservative. I think of child abuse as beating children, not feeding children, that kind of stuff. I wouldn't really consider making children uncomfortable by letting them see their father groping his teenage wife as abuse. However, you should limit your public fondling. You wouldn't let your husband fondle your breasts in front of your mother, would you?


never in front of mum. but at cricket matches at the mcg we kiss and touch and at the australian open tennis.



mablenc said:


> This should not be negotiable all homes have lockes for privacy especially with teenagers. If you have to install them do it, you tube has tutorials. Why do they not have locks?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


my gfs homes have no locks and they have brothers. and hubby said if someone faints nobody will know :/


----------



## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

new_step_mum said:


> i just asked hubby today about locks but he said its not safe if someone faints cos nobody would know they fainted  he's right . i spend most time at tennis with gf and in bedroom today after tennis until cooking yummy spaghetti bol. hubby 42.
> 
> 
> 
> not sure. hubby is affectionate when boys are not arround too


Fainting? Who the heck will faint? And what does that have to do with locking your bedroom door when you're in there with him (having sex) and NOT in there (when you go out)? That makes no sense at all.

The boys have no business in your room. Period. Either you want to do something about that or you don't, but the more you post the more it seems like you like the invasion of your privacy.


----------



## new_step_mum (Apr 29, 2013)

Wiserforit said:


> Of course he is. If this isn't a troll thread.
> 
> I'm leaning towards being played. There's too much flavor of "I woke up one day and I was married to this old guy, and his son was boffing me in the pool... I'm just not sure if it is appropriate"
> 
> So there is a two year dating period prior to getting married with zero information on how they conducted themselves in front of the kids.


sorry but i didn't know i had to write a history of our life before marriage too  its already a lot to do write about our marriage doncha think.



Entropy3000 said:


> Oh it absolutely is criminal. Fondling / molesting someone against their wishes is very much an assault and IS criminal.
> 
> Try walking up to a woman in a store and doing this and see what happens to you.


its my fault. when i knew him when i was younger i flirted and wore no underwear. i wanted him so much when he was my dentist and i was too young. i made him this way about me


----------



## new_step_mum (Apr 29, 2013)

PieceOfSky said:


> If you are who you saying you are, then consider this:
> - i never said who i was, i never give my name online.
> 
> 1) Assume you are being filmed.
> ...


- i lost 2 other things this year but i agree.



EleGirl said:


> There are semen test kits. Get one and test the garments you think have semen on them. If it’s semen, then you can have a DNA test done.


i wish i never washed my garments


----------



## new_step_mum (Apr 29, 2013)

A Bit Much said:


> Fainting? Who the heck will faint? And what does that have to do with locking your bedroom door when you're in there with him (having sex) and NOT in there (when you go out)? That makes no sense at all.
> 
> The boys have no business in your room. Period. Either you want to do something about that or you don't, but the more you post the more it seems like you like the invasion of your privacy.


cos if i faint with a locked room when hubby isn't home nobody will know. hubby's cousin died of brain issues so he's touchy about it :/ 

i'll try again to get locks :/


----------



## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

So does your husband constantly check every room to see if anyone has fainted daily? Hourly? Do his sons have seizures or fainting spells? Do you or him?
No way you should buy it. 

Whether you wore grandmas bloomers or no underwear you should always be treated with respect. I get a sick feeling that he is grooming you, he dated you while you were underage, does not allow you any privacy, allows his sons to be disrespectful and is disrespectful. 

Do you work? Do you have a say on the finances and major decisions? Do you feel treated as an adult? You don't have to answer me, I just want you to consider this. 
A marriage is a partnership, two people become one, you should feel happy and safe, you should have privacy, you should be heard when you voice that you are uncomfortable with any situations. This is a marriage, don't settle for anything less. It's way too early in your marriage to be having these issues.


----------



## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

Locks are locked when you need privacy, for example when you are in the bathroom, having sex, when you are changing or even arguing or discussing private maters. Just because you have locks does not mean you have to lock them 24/7. 

If he is genuinely scared about the fainting he needs to see a medical professional not drag you into the craziness.


----------



## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

I'll have to admit, this all sounds very creepy. Very inappropriate on many many many levels.


----------



## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

new_step_mum said:


> sorry but i didn't know i had to write a history of our life before marriage too  its already a lot to do write about our marriage doncha think.


Huge red flag on the story. 

It would have taken less effort than this to say whether you interacted like this in front of the kids before marriage.

Plenty of time to write salacious stuff about the dirty old man and his teen wife. You've got nothing on us. My wife was 19 when I was 49, and my girlfriend before her was 18. 

I'm not buying it.


----------



## new_step_mum (Apr 29, 2013)

mablenc said:


> So does your husband constantly check every room to see if anyone has fainted daily? Hourly? Do his sons have seizures or fainting spells? Do you or him?
> No way you should buy it.
> 
> Whether you wore grandmas bloomers or no underwear you should always be treated with respect. I get a sick feeling that he is grooming you, he dated you while you were underage, does not allow you any privacy, allows his sons to be disrespectful and is disrespectful.
> ...


no job yet.
i'm not good at finances so i like him doing it 
i wish we were neighbours :toast:



mablenc said:


> Locks are locked when you need privacy, for example when you are in the bathroom, having sex, when you are changing or even arguing or discussing private maters. Just because you have locks does not mean you have to lock them 24/7.
> 
> If he is genuinely scared about the fainting he needs to see a medical professional not drag you into the craziness.


ok i'll try :/



A Bit Much said:


> I'll have to admit, this all sounds very creepy. Very inappropriate on many many many levels.


i feel bad for writing my thread :slap: i should stop or it makes me look horrible.


----------



## new_step_mum (Apr 29, 2013)

Wiserforit said:


> Huge red flag on the story.
> 
> It would have taken less effort than this to say whether you interacted like this in front of the kids before marriage.
> 
> ...


i don't understand what you mean sorry to offend you. i won't write again


----------



## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

Please don't feel horrible, understand that many posters have been around the block and call out unusual behavior. Only you know what's happening in your life. However, the fact that you asked for help says maybe unconsciously that something is off. Please never allow anyone to tell you it's your fault to be disrespected, or to make you feel that your not good enough. 
You are young, something's that we see as red flags you may not, this is because you are inexperienced. We or I have seen how the people we think are looking out for us are actually damaging us. After lots of pain and suffering we only wish someone would have pointed it out. Or maybe they did but we refused to listen. I always regret not listening to my gut feeling, now it's the only thing I rely on. 
We just want you to be ok, and confortable in voicing your concerns and to be able to demand respect. Also, not to be afraid to call bs when you see it. You must always be wiling to leave if it's for your best interest, o mater how many years have passed and if you have 0 or 10 kids.


----------



## Theseus (Feb 22, 2013)

new_step_mum said:


> yeppers we met when i was 12 but not dating until i was 17 and a half. i remember feeling hot around him when i was 14 lol he is so hottie!
> oh i never saw his son rub off in the water but i just mean he said for his son to 'rub it off in the water' cos his son had this big erection. but i dont think his son did that in the water i just mean they are really open hehe.


I'm sorry, but I'm not buying this story, and I think too many of you were suckered in.

Dad has 16 year old son, and brings home 19 year old wife, with very large breasts to boot. And son's been wacking off in her underwear, and she seems almost turned on by it. Whatever. This reads like someone's ultimate "stepmom" sexual fantasy, or a trashy B-movie on the Lifetime Network. It's also as fake as can be.


----------



## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

> its my fault. when i knew him when i was younger i flirted and wore no underwear. i wanted him so much when he was my dentist and i was too young. i made him this way about me


THIS is what did it for me. The teenagers running around doing weird stuff and acting out, the grabass in the pool, the refusal to lock a bedroom door...

It's just too much.


----------



## PieceOfSky (Apr 7, 2013)

*hello can you please give me advice about my stepsons? its confusing and diffic*

If you want to solve this problem, contact one of helplines mentioned at: 

http://www.dvrcv.org.au/support-services/national-services/

Or call the police.


----------



## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

Have you considered that if it is true you guys already scared her away and did not help? Life is not perfect it's tough out there. If you don't like what you read fine don't post. I have been pm her and its not that simple. I also asked her not to leave but it's up to her. There are many men who prey upon younger or trusting woman. If you have not seen these situations then you are very lucky. I hope you never do.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## MAKINGSENSEOFIT (Oct 24, 2011)

Next we're going to here about the night the room was really dark and at first she thought it was here husband and not the 16 year old.


----------



## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

mablenc said:


> Have you considered that if it is true you guys already scared her away and did not help? Life is not perfect it's tough out there. If you don't like what you read fine don't post. I have been pm her and its not that simple. I also asked her not to leave but it's up to her. There are many men who prey upon younger or trusting woman. If you have not seen these situations then you are very lucky. I hope you never do.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I tried to offer as much help as I could, it's entirely up to her to follow it or not. And I'm not naive about predators, I was a victim of one. This entire situation reeks of something bad going on.


----------



## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

new_step_mum said:


> i don't understand what you mean sorry to offend you. i won't write again


It couldn't be clearer what I mean.

There are two years of dating where interaction with his children took place, and this is actually the most critical part of a story like this. Because it establishes whether you had been doing this all along or whether the husband suddenly started these soft pornography shows after marriage. 

In the first case, you have years of soft porn shows, beginning looooong before marriage with no reason to complain now, and in the second one has to observe a shocking change in behavior after years of modest interaction. You would have said that. 

So the extreme reluctance to provide even one sentence about it and instead writing all of this evasive stuff is quite telling. The story of being so sexually precocious with no panties at the same or younger age than his teen son, while playing dumb about it at the same time - contradiction.

So yes, it is either bail out or have the absurdities and contradictions mount.


----------



## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

Some of you forget what's it's like to be a 16 year old boy.

Boundries? What boundries? Wife? She's 19 he's 16. That's all the little head see's.

OP, I think if you are going to be the mother figure here, you have to be the one to establish the firm boundries. The suggestion that the father should set these boundries is flawed IMO. That puts you on equal level with the kids. It should come from you.


----------



## IrishGirlVA (Aug 27, 2012)

This one time, at band camp....... 

I'm conflicted. I hope the OP isn't a troll but on the other hand I do.

I feel dirty.


----------



## IceQueen (Feb 25, 2013)

IrishGirlVA said:


> This one time, at band camp.......
> 
> I'm conflicted. I hope the OP isn't a troll but on the other hand I do.
> 
> I feel dirty.


LOL:rofl:


----------

