# A Timing Question



## Thoroughbred_Stapler (Mar 27, 2012)

Greetings everyone.

Ok, long story short, I have a high sex drive and my wife has low to none. We are dropping off more and more and sexytimes are becoming less frequent. About once every 2 weeks now for a short "shut me up" session.

So, I know I am way too Beta and have begun changing things around. I have the MMSL book on order and will hit the MAP immediately.

However, I have a small dilemma today. My wife promised sexytimes the other day and backed out (headache). Then backed out of the makup time (tired). 

So, my plan was to smile and slowly put myself first and spend this evening working on the motorcycles. This would be to let her know that it isn't ok to ignore my needs and there will be consequences.

Well, I've set everything up and plan on spending my time with myself. 

Until...A present arrived for me at work today. It was absolutely awesome and unexpected (apparently she ordered it 5 weeks ago). 

So, the question is...Do I continue with my plan of spending the evening working on my hobby...Or, do I spend it with her in thanks for the thoughtful present?


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## Mistys dad (Dec 2, 2011)

Was the present sex related?

If so, cash it in as soon as possible.

If not, then you are still on the broken end of the promise. Your actions are based on that and shouldn't change.

But, saying thak you for the gift is completely appropriate. As is telling her why you are spending some solo time on the bikes. Don't just assume she will notice and figure it out.


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## LovesHerMan (Jul 28, 2011)

I would sweep her in your arms when you get home and kiss her passionately. I'll bet she will be in the mood then.

But for the next day, you do need to keep letting her know that she is not meeting your needs. The 180 is a good method for communicating with action that something needs to change.


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## tjohnson (Mar 10, 2010)

Why is it that wedding cake increases the frequency of headaches in women? 

LOL 

Really though, it sounds like she is a thoughful wife. What happens when you just jump her? Does she push her off.


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## Thoroughbred_Stapler (Mar 27, 2012)

I will certainly thank her for it passionately. No, the present wasn't sex related (haven't had one of those for about 8 years  )

She is a very thoughtful wife. My ONLY complaints in our relationship is I feel she takes me for granted often (me being very beta) and our different sex drives.

I will try to sweep her off her feet tonight. But, I'm pretty sure there will still be rejection on the sex front. I'll just do my best to not appear hurt and continue with the 180 tomorrow.

And, I will certainly tell her what is up once she notices SOMETHING is going on. I have no problem talking with her. This is just the first time I've ever decided to put action to my feelings. This site and MMSL blog has been a big help already (for ideas how to work on change...After all I've just started to try this new method).


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Send her a text "thanks for the gift, that was sweet of you" then leave it at that. acknowledge it but don't use it as an excuse to shower her with attention. Just continue the 180 from the moment you hit send on the text.


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