# When love isn't enough...



## cardinalgal (May 2, 2013)

My husband and I have been married almost 4 years, together 6. We were great friends that blossomed into more so we got married. It's not been an easy marriage though. We've had problems since before the wedding and it seems like we go through hard times quite often. I think we've talked about ending things at least once or twice a year since the beginning. I love him a great deal but I just am not sure that it's the kind of love that can keep us together. Our sex life is non-existent and has been for a long, long time now. We basically live like roommates. I don't feel like we have anything in common anymore and I know that he feels the same way. The most current conversation about ending things happened just a couple of weeks ago. He basically told me that while he loves me he doesn't think that he is in love with me anymore, and I agree. I have to say, I was the one that brought up the topic; I have been feeling very unsettled and unhappy lately. Every other time this has happened we have given in and tried to "make it work". But I just don't know that I want to try anymore. I feel like we've been trying for so long and it never really gets better. We just ignore the problems until they get too big and we end up right back where we started. 
The problem I am having now is that I am scared. I usually get through my days ok but then I come home at night and everything hits me and I get overwhelmed with sadness. We are sleeping in separate rooms and going to bed by myself is the hardest part. Even though there was no intimacy it was nice to know that he was there. And now it just feels so lonely without him. I have started looking for apartments but the thought of actually leaving and starting over is terrifying. I know that I am going to miss him so much. He is one of my best friends and has been a part of my life for so long, I can't imagine not being with him. But I also can't imagine staying in a marriage that is so unfulfilling any longer. I don't know what to do. I am afraid of being on my own again, But I don't think that that is reason enough to stay. I know that I do love him but I don't think that I love him the way I should. My heart is so torn right now. Any advice or comments would be appreciated.


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## mattsmom (Apr 2, 2013)

Have you all tried marriage counseling? It's clear that you care deeply for him, and it is possible to reignite that spark. If leaving feels that frightening and wrong, perhaps it's not too late to save the relationship. Your marriage doesn't have to be unfulfilling, if you are both willing to do the work. You said that you have worked on your marriage previously. Maybe you were both just doing the wrong things and a therapist could guide you to doing things that might work.

I hope things work out for the best.

Blessings,
Mattsmom


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## confusedandstuck (May 2, 2013)

I have no answers or advice, but I know how you're feeling.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## christan-wife (Apr 16, 2013)

I know exactly what you are going through. I loved my husband at one time and in some way I still do. But its not the kind of love that a marriage can live on. I am also looking to move out... again, but I am completely broke and can't save up money since he does not have a stable job. We have been roommates since our second year of marriage. I am not attracted to him whatsoever. Whenever I am near him I have anxiety attacks. I hope that I can make the right decision for me. I keep using other things to justify me staying and the one thing that I don't think about is my happiness.

I ca't advise you on what to do in your situation, but I hope it helps knowing that you are not alone in this.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

You say that you guys "try" to make it work, but ignore the problems. :scratchhead: Where is the TRY? What do you two actively DO to make it work? Because ignoring problems is not working on things. I agree with the counseling suggestion. Give it a chance and see what happens. It sounds like the two of you could at the very least have an amicable split if that is what it comes to. Good luck.


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