# Please Help! I can't do this Anymore!I keep taking sleeping meds to deal! HELP



## Punkie (Jan 24, 2009)

_So Its been Almost 3 1/2 Months since I have been Away from my H up In Alaska where he is stationed. I have wrote a few Threads on here about whats all gone on. but, I'll tell you a Lil about it. So I did somethings on my part that put an effect on my marriage and so Has my H. He told me that we will cancel the D papers and Just Seprate and that mean while.. I'll go back to Washington and work on myself and the H will work on his issues. So we agreed. So I was going to stay in Washington Until mid Nov. thats when he is to Pcs to a new Duty Station.

well anyways so yah I came here and things was good. I was happy to know that my husband was going to give this another try you know I was on cloud 9 and i was doing good Until out of nowhere my H tells me we are done and can't do this anymore and all that Jazz.. Now I feel like I have been Just droped here! left alone._ 

I have wrote him several emails asking for him back and all that only to get stabbed in the end from his reply. 

The H in one email says.. I know what you are saying and yes its hard for me too. and at night there are times I call out your name but, your not there... 

what I have to say to that is WTF??? then ask me to come back =[ and he says in another that he still cares for me but , is not going to make this work . 

I can't do nothing thro out the day that doesnt want me to just break down cause it makes me think of him... Shows... food ... music.. smells everything is memories and I feel as if im getting stabbed.

today I was making a piece of toast to see if that could settle in . mean while this show comes on and of course i think.. omg I watched that with my H =[ I can't do this .. I haven't talked to him in four days after I sent him a long email asking for him back and I got the No =[ I haven't gone that long without talking to him really there has alway been a lil email to him with have a good day or ect . So now there is nothing i am sending to him. I sit here and see him online and I say nothing =[
and now i am at the point I cant even deal with the day so I take sleeping meds and sleep and now that i am awake I just took more so i can pass out soon so I dont have to be up for this pain =[

and the papers are not even signed cause we agreed he would get the extra money from living off post and use that money to pay off debt. But, ues so is there any hope here?? Im scared ! this isn't supost to happen something doesnt feel right .

Please help!


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## wren (Aug 19, 2009)

Slow down and breathe. 
Is individual counseling an option for you? If you are having trouble functioning, you might want to consider getting help.
I've been there. I'm there now. Counseling helps.
As for your H, I would attempt to stop all contact. Easier said than done, I know.

Be good to yourself. I know the panic and pain.


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## Punkie (Jan 24, 2009)

wren said:


> Slow down and breathe.
> Is individual counseling an option for you? If you are having trouble functioning, you might want to consider getting help.
> I've been there. I'm there now. Counseling helps.
> As for your H, I would attempt to stop all contact. Easier said than done, I know.
> ...


I can't even sit still =/ No I havent gotten counceling yet. I am a reck =[ and this no contact with my H hurts so much .


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## Punkie (Jan 24, 2009)

current thought =[ 

I see him online.. I just want to talk to him but, I know it wont go well cause Ill end up breaking down & asking for him to make this work =[ and Him say no. I want my husband back.. this feeling i feel is so scary. I don't want to be with out him.


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## knortoh (Sep 5, 2009)

Punkie, 
You need to get to your doctor and get some counselling ASAP. Stop looking to him to help you through this. The one who causes you the pain can't be the one who takes it away. That is just how life is. 

Stop taking medication during the day to 'deal' with the pain. It doesn't help and it will put you in a worse place. 

Lots of folk on here will tell you - what you need to is put yourself first - and number one is living a healthy life -

stop taking the drugs get to a doctor
if you can't look after yourself at the moment call your best friend and tell her that she has to look after you until you can.


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## Punkie (Jan 24, 2009)

knortoh said:


> Punkie,
> You need to get to your doctor and get some counselling ASAP. Stop looking to him to help you through this. The one who causes you the pain can't be the one who takes it away. That is just how life is.
> 
> Stop taking medication during the day to 'deal' with the pain. It doesn't help and it will put you in a worse place.
> ...


I am alone right now... no one is answering there phone =[ not even my mom and i dont have any money really to catch a bus ..well i do im trying to reach my mom but her ringer is off... and I know the taking the sleepy meds wont help but it does help when i sleep cause then i dont feel this pain!!!


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## Punkie (Jan 24, 2009)

I took more sleepy med so i can sleep the day away again. the pain is to much. I want him back in my arms.


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

Listen to K and W. Listen to me! We have ALL been through the wringer. Check out our posts. We are just further along the path than you. It all sucks. Numbing the pain doesn't make anything better. You already have that figured out.

Get some help and get support. Call someone. If you can't make a counselor appt. have someone else help you. The military offers counseling...call the Fleet and Family Center. 

The most unattractive things is to appear needy and clingy to your H. When you first got together what attracted him to you? Think of those things and try to reenact it...as best as you can. FAKE it if you can. 

Don't contact him in any way. You run forward and he backs off-sooo common. If you back off (for weeks and months) the likelihood is that he will reach out to you. If he has OW then he won't come back until the fling is over. 

Hang in there...


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## Punkie (Jan 24, 2009)

I will try to stay in the okay mode. I will not have any contact with the H and see what happens. I WANT to know if there is hope tho you know. I can tell by the emails that he has sent me that he is in pain as well.


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

There is ALWAYS hope! There are no guarantees. That is why it's so helpful to move forward the best way you can. 

Keep yourself busy with healthy activities. My H left me after 24 years (no affairs/no abuse) and he is in more pain than I am! He is still in pain....He is also full of mixed messages. Try no to read into them...it will be a test of will to not to.


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## Punkie (Jan 24, 2009)

Corpuswife said:


> There is ALWAYS hope! There are no guarantees. That is why it's so helpful to move forward the best way you can.
> 
> Keep yourself busy with healthy activities. My H left me after 24 years (no affairs/no abuse) and he is in more pain than I am! He is still in pain....He is also full of mixed messages. Try no to read into them...it will be a test of will to not to.


wow after 24 yrs? What ended up happening with that if you dont mind me asking?


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

After the stock market crash in Oct. 08...he came home day after day pained (he's in the financial field). After asking what I could do to help, etc...I asked "what is it...is it me?" It was like pulling teeth. He said he loved me but was no longer "in love" with me. He also said he wasn't attracted to me anymore.

After a long 9 months of MC and me begging, pleading, convincing, trying anything that I could do..he moved out (separation). 
I did the no contact thing (LMBT) and only communicated regarding kids/mutual business. He hated it. In my mind, I was giving him the real world of divorce. You don't get to chit chat with your wife/ex when you are divorced. 

Anyway, we've been separated for 3 months. See my "real world" thead for details. He sees the grass is greener and is unhappy. I think it's depression/midlife/NG syndrome. Whatever it is...it's not ALL me. We had a good marriage for 23 years. Now he is flaking out.

You can't do anything to change their mind. It's been a year and he's as nice as pie now. I am no longer doing no contact as he's filed for a divorce. It's the friendliest divorce in Texas. 

There is a life after your H. Even if he comes back...make sure it's what you want. Often when we get left behind...we focus only on the positive. My H had plenty of negative but I was willling to overlook those!


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## Punkie (Jan 24, 2009)

wow Hunny thats so sad.. I am willing to keep a hold for hope for our marriage. I am soo sorry that its going the way it is with your H & you =[ I don't know what's going to happen with my H and I But, of course I know how I want it to go. this is all scarey for me . I hope in the end I get another chance. i Just want my heartbeat back.

So for sure you and your H are done? =[


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

No I am not for sure. There is always hope but I am stronger each day. I believe after the divorce my H will end up coming back. He is so darn focused on the marriage causing his problems that he will be suprised after it done and the problems are still present!

He's going to have a hard time replacing me. I wish him luck.


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## Punkie (Jan 24, 2009)

Corpuswife said:


> No I am not for sure. There is always hope but I am stronger each day. I believe after the divorce my H will end up coming back. He is so darn focused on the marriage causing his problems that he will be suprised after it done and the problems are still present!
> 
> He's going to have a hard time replacing me. I wish him luck.


He's going to have a hard time replacing me. I wish him luck.
LOL you go girl =] well as for me im going to see my grandma and uncle that i havent seen in years =] to get outta this house. well ill keep you updated =]


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

Good...keep reaching out and loving people that love you back.

Hope grandma and grandpa are well!


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## Waiting Patiently (Aug 31, 2009)

Punkie- the only way your relationship has a chance is if you get out of his way right now and make yourself very scarce. Right now, if he is like most other walk away spouses, he is likely blaming everything wrong in his life on YOU!-Like Corpus said! The more you contact him the more he is focused on the problem- YOU rather than looking in the mirror and doing his own soul searching on why he is so unhappy. My wife of 15 years walked out in the middle of the night 4 months ago- and I still have no reason reason why- because it changes every day! Once the target continues to move, you know that you are not the problem- they are- and you are not and cannot be the solution-it lies within them. Therefore, you must let go of hi not matter how painful it is to give him the chance to examine himself and miss you. It's the only hope if you positive affirming steps have gotten you nowhere.


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## Punkie (Jan 24, 2009)

well i haven't wrote an email to the H or even called him in 7 days .. before i would have gave in and wrote him or something Just to say hi .. but, this time i am leaving it up to him if he wants any contact..its his move ! before I was at his beck and call . I wounder what hes feeling now that I am not.


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## Punkie (Jan 24, 2009)

Waiting Patiently said:


> Punkie- the only way your relationship has a chance is if you get out of his way right now and make yourself very scarce. Right now, if he is like most other walk away spouses, he is likely blaming everything wrong in his life on YOU!-Like Corpus said! The more you contact him the more he is focused on the problem- YOU rather than looking in the mirror and doing his own soul searching on why he is so unhappy. My wife of 15 years walked out in the middle of the night 4 months ago- and I still have no reason reason why- because it changes every day! Once the target continues to move, you know that you are not the problem- they are- and you are not and cannot be the solution-it lies within them. Therefore, you must let go of hi not matter how painful it is to give him the chance to examine himself and miss you. It's the only hope if you positive affirming steps have gotten you nowhere.



I see what u are saying thank you . I am sticking to my guns and not contacting him ... please pray for me ill keep u all updated


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## Waiting Patiently (Aug 31, 2009)

Punkie- No matter how much you want to call or email him- Don't! You have got to allow time to set in and for him to be alone. take the issue off YOU! read Dobson's- love Must be Tough. Your husband likely feels like a caged bird, and he wants to bolt or THINKS he wants to leave. Let him go and don't contact him- as stated earlier, this will allow him to look in the mirror and ask what is it I really want? it may be, that it is you and your relationship- but you will never get that chance unless he is able to examine his own life. This can only be done when you are gone!


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