# Husband Upset About 3rd, Unplanned Pregnancy...



## Jesseeu1

My husband and I have a 6 year old and 4 year old twins. I just found out I am pregnant despite using different measures to not get pregnant. This is definitely not something we planned. I am not too happy about this pregnancy since I am already overwhelmed with the 3 kids that I have but I do not believe in abortion. I told my husband about the pregnancy 3 days ago. He never blammed me for anything because he knows it takes 2 to tango, but he won't talk to me. He says the bare minimum to me. Have any of you women ever been in this situation? Men...how would you handle this? Is he wrong for giving me the cold shoulder or should I just give him a little bit more time? It would be nice for him to comfort me during a time like this as I am shocked about this pregnancy too. Also, anyone with 4 or 5 kids? How is it? I am scared that I might be pregnant with another set of twins since it runs in my family and my grandma had 3 sets! Thanks for reading


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## SecondTime'Round

I'm a 7th generation twin, and my mom did not have any more babies after my sis and me because she had the same fear as you, so I get it! 

My cousin has 4 children, including twin girls, and including a son with autism (all within 5 years) and she's doing just fine. She goes a little nutty at times, but she would have it no other way. She even just went back to work part time (her youngest, the twins, are 4). You have got this .

OK, with that said, I'm sorry your husband is being a turd! This is nothing you did wrong. I say give him a little more time to have his little temper tantrum and if it doesn't improve, maybe schedule a counseling session or two? 

Congrats on the pregnancy .


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## Jesseeu1

Thank you for the positive message. Very helpful.


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## header

Your husband is being passive aggressive, not cool.

Start believing in abortion. 

There are too many people in this world as it is, and you'll be overwhelmed with more kids especially another set of twins, it just might be the breaking point of your marriage.


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## Mr. Nail

Father of four here and it is doable. We aren't rich. If as a man I was dealing with this, vasectomy would come to mind.


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## wanttolove

Whatever you do, whatever happens, do not allow this pregnancy to come between you. It can and it's showing in your husband's reaction right now. My gut says that he is scared to death, isn't quite sure what to say. Be OK with that for as long as it takes him to talk about it, but stay with him, don't let him withdraw from you.. and tell him that you don't want that to happen.

My wife and I have two children, three years difference in age. Before and after we were married, it was real clear that I only wanted two children. She comes from a large family and she wanted more. When our youngest was three, we became pregnant again. I didn't know how to react, because I really didn't want a third child. I accepted what had happened, but it wasn't easy for me. When the pregnancy turned out to be a molar pregnancy and a miscarriage, I did everything I knew to support her. But try as I may, I was a little relieved that we were not having a third child. I tried not to show it. She knew. It drove a wedge between us and she decided that if I didn't want to have more children, then I was not going to get sex or affection from her either.

We haven't recovered. There is so much distance now, it's probably near impossible to recover.

Don't let that happen.


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## MJJEAN

My sister has 6, all girls.
My old friend has 9, mixed genders.
Friend/neighbor across the street has 7, also mixed genders. 
Two more friends have 4.
Another friend has 5.

All those ladies are doing just fine. From my observations, the keys seem to be organization, a schedule, not letting the kids get away with anything, making couple time nightly after the kids bedtime, and (most importantly) a sense of humor.


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## SunnyT

After my 4th....in 5 years, I tried real hard NOT to get pregnant. I tried convincing ex H to get cut, but nope. So when I had to tell him I was pregnant with #5....he didn't talk to me for a week or so. I was kinda pissed about that, and worried about another mouth to feed. But, I didn't take his silence personally, it was him trying to be ok with the whole idea. He came around. 

It's doable. Ex was a schmuck who was not helpful in any way. Make time for yourself, don't overload yourself with childrens' activities, find time for "date night". A friend and I used to take turns babysitting. I went back to school when the youngest went to pre-K, I chose to be a teacher so I wouldn't need child care. I studied at night after they went to bed (lol, and I was SERIOUS about their bed time!) and would take all five to a fenced in park where they could run while I studied. I even took little ones to class with me now and then. 

The teen years were pretty rough. That is when the schmuck walked out, without warning. But..... it's STILL doable. We got through it all. I have since met a wonderful guy, we have 8 grown kids and 8 grandkids....and it's wonderful. They kids are great, and they looooooove their mom!  

PS....get your tubes tied!!! It's AWESOME!


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## Relationship Teacher

Jesseeu1 said:


> My husband and I have a 6 year old and 4 year old twins. I just found out I am pregnant despite using different measures to not get pregnant. This is definitely not something we planned. I am not too happy about this pregnancy since I am already overwhelmed with the 3 kids that I have but I do not believe in abortion. I told my husband about the pregnancy 3 days ago. He never blammed me for anything because he knows it takes 2 to tango, but he won't talk to me. He says the bare minimum to me. Have any of you women ever been in this situation? Men...how would you handle this? Is he wrong for giving me the cold shoulder or should I just give him a little bit more time? It would be nice for him to comfort me during a time like this as I am shocked about this pregnancy too. Also, anyone with 4 or 5 kids? How is it? I am scared that I might be pregnant with another set of twins since it runs in my family and my grandma had 3 sets! Thanks for reading


I would recommend not forcing any SERIOUS discussions. In his elevated emotional state, nothing good will come. A little understanding will go a long way. While it is unfortunate that he won't interact with you, try to understand that his emotional state has caused him to shut down. Overwhelmed, not sure how he will handle it emotionally/financially?

How do your pregnancies go?

Relationship Teacher


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## SecondTime'Round

header said:


> Your husband is being passive aggressive, not cool.
> 
> Start believing in abortion.
> 
> There are too many people in this world as it is, and you'll be overwhelmed with more kids especially another set of twins, it just might be the breaking point of your marriage.


Terrible advice. She's already said she's pro-life. How in the world is this helpful?? 4 children is not at all un-doable. 

Learn some compassion and kindness. It will probably help you in all areas of your life.


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## WorkingOnMe

Is your husband the sole financial support?


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## Thundarr

You're worried and stressed. He's worried and stressed. A fly on the wall might see you both acting out of character but just in different ways.

So what measures did you guys use?


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## soccermom2three

We were both 40 when we got pregnant 3rd time. It was definitely a surprise. I know exactly when it happened, the one time we didn't use any protection, (I was off BCP because of a health issue I had at the time). Initially it was not happy news. We were totally in the mindset that we were done. No diaper changes until I was a Grandma. We already had a 9 and 7 year old. If you've seen the movie "This is 40" with Leslie Mann, the scene when she's in the car after finding she's pregnant is a perfect description of how I felt. I think my husband was stunned when I told him and a little shell shocked. I think it took about a week for us to just adjust to the news. 

Now I wouldn't change a thing and I'm actually ashamed that I was so upset to find out I was pregnant. Our 10 ten year old is such crazy kid and makes me laugh everyday. He is so totally different than the older two kids. He's an extrovert, outgoing and silly. I can't imagine him not being here.


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## always_hopefull

Jesseeu1 said:


> My husband and I have a 6 year old and 4 year old twins. I just found out I am pregnant despite using different measures to not get pregnant. This is definitely not something we planned. I am not too happy about this pregnancy since I am already overwhelmed with the 3 kids that I have but I do not believe in abortion. I told my husband about the pregnancy 3 days ago. He never blammed me for anything because he knows it takes 2 to tango, but he won't talk to me. He says the bare minimum to me. Have any of you women ever been in this situation? Men...how would you handle this? Is he wrong for giving me the cold shoulder or should I just give him a little bit more time? It would be nice for him to comfort me during a time like this as I am shocked about this pregnancy too. Also, anyone with 4 or 5 kids? How is it? I am scared that I might be pregnant with another set of twins since it runs in my family and my grandma had 3 sets! Thanks for reading


How old are the two of you? Do you work too? What type of BC did you use? You may want to consider something more permanent if your both on board with no more children. Four, or more kids is definitely doable, I have four and while I'll never be wealthy, I have a very rich life, a little hard, but rich.


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## larry.gray

Mr. Nail said:


> Father of four here and it is doable. We aren't rich. If as a man I was dealing with this, vasectomy would come to mind.


Yep. Although it no doubt would be counterproductive to point it out to him, but if he knew he was done then there is a way to fix it. After our last was born, my wife's doctor to my wife that she needed to be done with kids or she could die. That was enough news for me to go out and get the procedure done. 

Right now would be a very good time to go in and get snipped - plenty of time to clear the pipes so it doesn't become ANOTHER unplanned pregnancy.

We have 5. We lost one at birth and have 4 at home. It helps that they are far more spread out than yours are.


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## Jesseeu1

I would recommend not forcing any SERIOUS discussions. In his elevated emotional state, nothing good will come. A little understanding will go a long way. While it is unfortunate that he won't interact with you, try to understand that his emotional state has caused him to shut down. Overwhelmed, not sure how he will handle it emotionally/financially? How do your pregnancies go? Relationship Teacher


Good advice. Thank you. My first pregnancy was a breeze but my pregnancy with the twins was not nearly as easy. I did not have to go on bed rest or anything and was induced at 38.5 weeks but a lot of discomfort during the last 2 months.


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## Jesseeu1

I am 30 and he his 36. He is the sole provider. He already told me that he is worried about the financial aspect of having another kid. We are not rich and still have school loans. I know we will be okay. We just both need some time to adjust. Thank you for all of the advice!


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## NextTimeAround

MJJEAN said:


> My sister has 6, all girls.
> My old friend has 9, mixed genders.
> Friend/neighbor across the street has 7, also mixed genders.
> Two more friends have 4.
> Another friend has 5.
> 
> All those ladies are doing just fine. From my observations, the keys seem to be organization, a schedule, not letting the kids get away with anything, making couple time nightly after the kids bedtime, and (most importantly) a sense of humor.


oh yeah, superhuman qualities, that's real easy.

Or they could be like the Duggars. Where the older children are "mentors" to the other younger children. Are they running a private home or a multinational corporation?

I bet not one parent would ever want to admit that they played favorites among their children. But it happens more often that parents want to admit.


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## arbitrator

*Since it preeminently takes "two to tango," your H needs to do the responsible and honorable thing of getting a vasectomy!

The kids are doable and are truly a gift from God! 

The vasectomy will be minimally invasive for him, requiring only a short window of time, and will end all of the fear of yet another unplanned and spontaneous pregnancy!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Happilymarried25

He is acting like he had nothing to do with this. He needs to man up and quite being a pouty baby and get a vasectomy if he doesn't want anymore children. Having another baby is not hugely expensive, you already have the clothes from your other children, and breastfeed so you don't have to buy formula, plus it's healthier for your baby. Children are a blessing and there are a lot of couples who can't have children so he needs to be more grateful and loving. Pregnancy is hard enough without having an unsupportive husband.


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## joannacroc

The stress of a child who feels like one more than you can handle could be the tipping point in your marriage and your own emotional well-being. Are there couples who can handle that many kids? Sure. But most importantly, that doesn't mean that YOU have to, or that it's right for you. 

Would you consider adoption as an option? Many loving couples who aren't able to conceive would consider a child an incredible gift. 

Your husband's reaction is extremely upsetting and you're being way more understanding of his cold shoulder than I would be in your position. Whatever you decide to do, things need to be straightened out between the two of you first and foremost, because his reaction is not that of a supportive spouse.


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## Lloyd Dobler

Jesseeu1 said:


> My husband and I have a 6 year old and 4 year old twins. I just found out I am pregnant despite using different measures to not get pregnant. This is definitely not something we planned. I am not too happy about this pregnancy since I am already overwhelmed with the 3 kids that I have but I do not believe in abortion. I told my husband about the pregnancy 3 days ago. He never blammed me for anything because he knows it takes 2 to tango, but he won't talk to me. He says the bare minimum to me. Have any of you women ever been in this situation? Men...how would you handle this? Is he wrong for giving me the cold shoulder or should I just give him a little bit more time? It would be nice for him to comfort me during a time like this as I am shocked about this pregnancy too. Also, anyone with 4 or 5 kids? How is it? I am scared that I might be pregnant with another set of twins since it runs in my family and my grandma had 3 sets! Thanks for reading


When my wife and I had our second child (all unplanned), we very briefly discussed me getting a vasectomy. It never happened, so naturally my wife wound up getting pregnant again. Initially I was a little bit upset, until my wife pointed out that if I had followed through on the vasectomy discussion then she wouldn't be pregnant then. Point taken.

In any case, yeah your husband is being a little bit of a jackass about this. I think he's a little bit in shock now, so you might want to ask him specifically to comfort you now because sometimes guys can be seriously clueless - especially since it looks like he's wallowing a little bit in his anger. I think his anger is more a worried response to the uncertainty of the future, rather than a direct response to you being pregnant. And here's hoping it's not twins for you...


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## header

Happilymarried25 said:


> Having another baby is not hugely expensive, you already have the clothes from your other children, and breastfeed so you don't have to buy formula, plus it's healthier for your baby.


Having another baby is not hugely expensive? Did you really write that?

Sure there are leftover clothes from the older children, but that doesn't count for much. What about food, and diapers, they sure can't share those! What about the fact that she won't be able to go back to work for several more years because of the additional child care involved, what about another college tuition in another 18 years? 

The cost to raise a child to adulthood is about $200,000 in today's dollars, don't even try to minimize it by saying "whats one more they can use hand me down clothes" because that's not even remotely accurate.

There's too many people in the world already, too many people in this particular household for both parents to manage, there's a good chance hubby's going to continue to withdraw and this poor woman could be looking at being a single divorced parent to 4 or 5 youngsters.

There's been some mistakes in regard to contraception and now the bill has to be paid, one way or another. 

Given all of that, it just might be time to consider options that were previously off the table.


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## Bobby5000

We have a family member who was not too happy about the third but now absolutely loves him, as the first boy after two girls.


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## Lilac23

header said:


> Your husband is being passive aggressive, not cool.
> 
> Start believing in abortion.
> 
> There are too many people in this world as it is, and you'll be overwhelmed with more kids especially another set of twins, it just might be the breaking point of your marriage.


Dislike! :nono:


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## Lilac23

Jesseeu1 said:


> My husband and I have a 6 year old and 4 year old twins. I just found out I am pregnant despite using different measures to not get pregnant. This is definitely not something we planned. I am not too happy about this pregnancy since I am already overwhelmed with the 3 kids that I have but I do not believe in abortion. I told my husband about the pregnancy 3 days ago. He never blammed me for anything because he knows it takes 2 to tango, but he won't talk to me. He says the bare minimum to me. Have any of you women ever been in this situation? Men...how would you handle this? Is he wrong for giving me the cold shoulder or should I just give him a little bit more time? It would be nice for him to comfort me during a time like this as I am shocked about this pregnancy too. Also, anyone with 4 or 5 kids? How is it? I am scared that I might be pregnant with another set of twins since it runs in my family and my grandma had 3 sets! Thanks for reading


My mother and grandma both said after three it doesn't matter anymore :grin2: you just work another one in. He's being kind of a d!ck, imo, of course it's stressful and unplanned but you'll be fine and find a way. If he was so worried why didn't he get a vasectomy? It takes two to tango!


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## ExiledBayStater

If he's unhappy, he's unhappy. Give him a chance to come around on his own time. I don't know what's in his head, but my guess is that he knows he's expected to be happy and since he isn't, he just wants to hide. In the meantime, he should still find ways to support you. He may not want to have a conversation but he can still cook dinner or at least pick up takeout. 

If you have a cat he needs to start doing the litter box yesterday.

His emotions are his own and you shouldn't try to force them. Do hold him to the standard of being a functioning adult.


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## MichelleR

Congratulations! Really, even if this was unplanned there is a new little person inside of you who needs love and support. Your husband is feeling overwhelmed right now but he will have to get over it. I don't think it's right for him to be so cold but he may just not know how to handle it right now. 

From the articles I've read on the internet parents say that three kids is as hard as it gets. Once you have your fourth, fifth, or sixth it's all about a comparable amount of work and stress. 

My third is nine months old today but my husband and I want to have one more someday to even it out with four kids . I'm looking forward to it honestly as I love being a mom. After that though we will definitely do something to prevent any more 

Try to focus on all the positives of being pregnant again. You will both love that child immensely. Your husband will come around.


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## SimplyAmorous

We've had 6 kids...and at one point.. (in our 30's) we had (4) age 6 and under...Honesty... I didn't find it over whelming.. I just didn't.. they played with each other! Sure there was fighting too.. but I Loved it.. though I must admit we had 6+ years of "secondary infertility" ...so when those babies started coming.. we were on cloud 9.. we wanted THEM ALL !!!

Just my 2 cents.. it's always been sad to me that those who want children.. sometimes can't have them.. and those who don't want them get pregnant so easy.. this really pizzed me off when I couldn't.. just being honest..

This child could be the apple of your eye... I hope you will realize your blessings.. we weren't a higher income family.. but we did fine.. just need to watch your dollars a little closer...

I hope you & he will come to realize.. it must have been meant to be! What else can you do.. unless he is fighting for you to have an abortion...


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