# It does get Better..........



## skinman

Hello everyone...

sorry that you find yourselves here on this site...Like many of you, I never imagined that one day I would be posting on a "life after divorce" thread but it is what it is.. Its been about 18 months since my ex. wife and I split up.. 5 since our divorce was final...15 years down the drain...since that day, life at times has been an ongoing struggle.. some days a struggle to find a meaning, pleasure in being alive.. those are the days that I find the hardest, when thoughts of what all I lost fill my mind.. Thankfully those days are far and few between now... Mostly though my life has changed for the better, less money than before, but so much more happiness, contentment and a true sense of peace within my life.. I appreciate each day so much more now, I find value in the small things in life, a smile from someone you pass in the streets, or the warmth of the sun on your face....

Gone are the days of walking around on eggshells, wondering what next will set her off... the dread of going home each day not knowing what to expect... These days, I come home and my dog is the first to greet me, tail wagging, peeing all over the floor from her excitement ... I have in the past few months bought another house, something I often wondered if I would ever own again... But I set out to do just that and here I am.. A place all my own..... My relationship with my youngest daughter has never been better.. I appreciate each time that we can spend together.. She is happy and so am I....... So people, I am here to tell that it can and will get better if you set your sights to do just that.. Set some goals for yourself, take time out to do something for yourself... Live each moment as if it could be your last, reach out to someone else and help them.. The smile you put on their face will do wonders for your spirit, plus the warm feeling of helping others... 

I am happy today because I choose to be that way.. no matter what life throws at me I will face it with a smile.. My ex. might have taken most everything from me but not what matters most, My Faith that tomorrow can be so much better than today....... I wish you all the best...never give up hope...

God bless..
Skin.....


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## publicme

Thank you for this account of your experience.


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## swedish

Thank you for sharing this great update, Skinman. You have come a long way & seem to be doing pretty darn great on the other side 

I hope all continues to get even better for you


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## cb45

dont know what orig story was w/ u n the ex, infidelity?
alchohol ? etc?

but glad to know ur making it out of yer old norm, which we
guys get all too comfy w/.

when it gets really bad for me here, i fantasize what it'd be
like to have home all to yerself. no personal stuff moved or
missing. no careless broken things to fix. but alas i am 
still in the verbal "i do" stage w/ her, when all i see/feel is the
"i dont" stage instead (re:Love).

I think men r foolish to quickly marry again, if at all.
man should first learn/know his shortcomings b4 
considering it. I for one, dont think i'd trust western
women again. old world sweetie maybe, but not
the western kind. God made women to be a help to 
man, but too often in our culture women think that means
THEY do the shopping:rofl:

of course there are exceptions.......but hard to find.

peace-------------------------------------cb45


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## Merced

Thanks for the post... 

I am trying to live in today. I've been official about 3 months.. was doing pretty good until a month ago, when I got a DUI, then last week, my cat disappeared... and I also got the stomach flu... 

I also moved into a new place about a month ago, and I don't like it as it seems depressing to me. A big part of that is likely due to my overall mood with all these things, I guess... but I am just feeling really lonely and sad alot of the time.

It was nice in that my ex was there for me through these issues and we are on good terms helping each other get through some of these tough times, although we are trying to wean ourselves from talking/emailing because we know that we are not married anymore and need to move on... and the frequent contact will only make it harder, we know.

Not that it matters, but we were both unfaithful in our last part of the relationship, but after a year of therapy and working hard, we realized that although the infidelity was devastating, the fact we are wanting different lifestyles is what made the difference in the end. That's what we are focusing on and probably why we are able to be good to each other now.

So strange how things happen, too.. the last few months, I was the one consoling her as she was having tough times, emotionally.. then now it is me.

I've dated a few people recently, as I thought I was ready, but the last month has me not too interested in that anymore. None of the people were all that interesting, anyway and it was only 1 date each time... but I was only wanting to keep it casual, and have made that clear. It's a nice distraction, but maybe I need to find another way of coping right now as I'm apparently not emotionally available. I think part of it is just the company of meeting new people, too. I have alot of aquaintences, but not many real good friends.

Just trying to stay busy.. spend time with people, and remind myself that it's for the best... things will get better, and we will both be happier eventually.

OK, sorry... just rambling and I guess needed to get some stuff out.

thanks for letting me vent.


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## katie jane

Thank you for your posts .. I'm very newly divorced and about to move away from the area to start a ned begining . I'm still hurting but looking to the future to find a little peace . I've changed so much from being happy and confident to becoming shy and unsure . I never thought if be where I am today , hoping the futures brighter
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## InAPickle

Good luck to you, Katie Jane and all here on this thread. Best wishes for more happiness each day. I keep reminding myself that every day is full of opportunity and I'm making the most of being able to do whatever the heck I want - just because I can!


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## sisters359

The freedom, the time to bond with my kids as *I* choose and believe is in their best interest, even struggling with financial decisions--I love it all. I had no idea how heavily my ex weighed on me until we were divorced. I thought we were just disconnected--but apparently we were only disconnected on the good stuff, not the "bad" stuff! 

It hasn't been a full year since separating, and our divorce was only finalized 5.5 months ago, so I'm hesitant to think "this is all there is to it." It seems too easy--and I'm sure it is not so easy, as time will tell. Maybe when the thrill of being able to make my own decisions without reference to someone else's agenda wears off, I'll be less content. Who knows? I hope I remember to check in here in a year and see!!


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## TeaLeaves4

cb45 said:


> dont know what orig story was w/ u n the ex, infidelity?
> alchohol ? etc?
> 
> but glad to know ur making it out of yer old norm, which we
> guys get all too comfy w/.
> 
> when it gets really bad for me here, i fantasize what it'd be
> like to have home all to yerself. no personal stuff moved or
> missing. no careless broken things to fix. but alas i am
> still in the verbal "i do" stage w/ her, when all i see/feel is the
> "i dont" stage instead (re:Love).
> 
> I think men r foolish to quickly marry again, if at all.
> man should first learn/know his shortcomings b4
> considering it. I for one, dont think i'd trust western
> women again. old world sweetie maybe, but not
> the western kind. God made women to be a help to
> man, but too often in our culture women think that means
> THEY do the shopping:rofl:
> 
> of course there are exceptions.......but hard to find.
> 
> peace-------------------------------------cb45



Sorry, I can't help the TJ. Some reading for you, cb45. Look it up on Amazon. The History of the Wife, and How Love Conquered Marriage.

Points for discussion after that. Otherwise I can't even begin to agree with above comments.


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## cherrypie18

cb45 said:


> dont know what orig story was w/ u n the ex, infidelity?
> alchohol ? etc?
> 
> but glad to know ur making it out of yer old norm, which we
> guys get all too comfy w/.
> 
> when it gets really bad for me here, i fantasize what it'd be
> like to have home all to yerself. no personal stuff moved or
> missing. no careless broken things to fix. but alas i am
> still in the verbal "i do" stage w/ her, when all i see/feel is the
> "i dont" stage instead (re:Love).
> 
> I think men r foolish to quickly marry again, if at all.
> man should first learn/know his shortcomings b4
> considering it. I for one, dont think i'd trust western
> women again. old world sweetie maybe, but not
> the western kind. God made women to be a help to
> man, but too often in our culture women think that means
> THEY do the shopping:rofl:
> 
> of course there are exceptions.......but hard to find.
> 
> peace-------------------------------------cb45


If that is not a joke then you must be really sexist. Would you also be interested in mail order brides? They obey you like trained dogs...


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## Viper2

I don't know but it all seems such a terrible waste.


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## Brewster 59

cherrypie18 said:


> If that is not a joke then you must be really sexist. Would you also be interested in mail order brides? They obey you like trained dogs...


Ohh heck no, I think he should marry an Americian wife, be the wage earner, clean house, get sex twice a month and be happy about it. Then in 5 years he can hear I love you but Im not in love with you, she can steal 50% of what he owns. Yeah baby thats what he should do. I agree with you unless she has more than you do, dont EVER get married the laws here are a crock.

Alot of americian women marry for economic gain, not all, but a lot so beware. I saw something that if it wasnt true it would be funny. It said I dont understand why men get married just find a woman you will hate in 5 years and give half your stuff.


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## skinman

Hello everyone...

its been a while since I have posted an update on my post marriage life .. All I can say is that life I good... I have read all of the responses here and for those that continue to struggle I am sorry.. I have been in most of your shoes in one way or another.. well except cb45... He is in his own little world... I know the troubles of the heart that you all feel.. believe me when I say that I have been there.. Thankfully when I needed someone most people from this site were there to help. Especially M22... She is a true God send.  she helped me in so many ways without really knowing. She saved my life and doesn't even realize that she did... I owe you M22.. God bless you and your family..

Back to my life.. for the most part it has been great.. the dating world is another 2 headed monster in itself...WOW.. there are truly some messed up people in this world.. I have met a wonderful woman.. we share so many of the same attitudes about life, her faith and family are very important as are mine.. My daughters are doing wonderfull.. youngest starts high school tomorrow.. such an tough time for kids these days especailly with the pressures they face today...My house is coming along well.. still have much to do but like anything its a work in progress... It does get better people... keep your faith that oneday you will smile again..... You will.... I promise you that... BTW.. I see the ex quite often now... not an ounce of bitterness or caring for her.. I look at her as a stranger which at times hurts after so many years together... I am thankfull she is no longer in my life.. Good luck to you all and best wishes... I need to get back to work....... 

have faith and God bless...

Skin....


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## Deejo

Appreciate the update, and very glad to hear that life consistently will surprise you. Hope your surprises continue to be positive, Skin.


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## Hopeful38

Thanks for your update! Very uplifting for me. We usually come here to looking for answers or solace in the midst of our problems but it's so good to here that eventually things do sort out. Of course, they don't sort themselves out alone and it takes a lot of effort on our part. I 've been divorced 4 months now and its a daily struggle deep inside of me, but I know I'm working to get better everyday and hopefully will get to a stage such as you now, Skinman. You mention your ex-wife and how she seems like a stranger to you now (sometimes I feel the same bout mine), has she told you how she is doing or feeling after the divorce or can you venture a guess? 
(sorry i havent read you previous posts which may shed light on this)


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## skinman

Thank you Hopeful38,

I appreciate your kind words... you are so correct, it does indeed take work to get to a point of happiness, if nothing else contentment.. I did a good bit of soul searching and looking within during some of the dark days. At one point I wanted to give up, gladly I didnt with the help of family and friends I saw that this was indeed an opportunity to start fresh, do the things I have always wanted, and most importantly find myself again..

you asked whether I have talked with my ex about how she's doing, her feelings after our divorce... To be honest I could care less.. During our separation and divorce, I saw her true self, the woman I always knew she was, but often overlooked.. She made sure on her exit that she killed all the love that I had felt for her for so many years... Today we hardly speak or see each other and I couldn't be happier about that.. I saw first hand the way she treated her first husband.. never really thinking that it one day could be me...  

I wish you well Hopeful38, the day will some where your at peace with all that has happened and your place in life... Enjoy the small things and be thankful for the things you have and those you have experienced.......

God Bless.......
Skin..


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## Hopeful38

Thanks for your comments! As you said, when the ex does things that kill the love you may have for her it becomes pretty obvious you have to move on. In my case I'm in a kind of crossroads, I have a good relationship with my ex, I feel I still love her and may be willing to try again, but she was the one that said she didn't love me and she asked for and initiated the divorce. I know that I cannot live waiting for her to turn around and thus I am focusing on myself and where I want to be in the near future (definitely being happy with myself, not letting my happiness be depending on others or her). I have to remind myself of that fact everyday, since I have to see her pretty much everyday because of our kid. Indeed, takes a lot of soul-searching and inner-struggle, but I'll get there


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