# His depression and infidelity led me into a depression as well



## unhappy4aLongTime (Mar 29, 2013)

I’ll try to make it as short as possible. 
I was a working independent young woman and my husband just entered the Armed Forces when we met, this was 13 years ago. We were together two years and married and had a baby. He left for a year, and left me and our baby alone. I felt very alone and waited for him to return, even though I knew as a soldier he had to leave, I struggled with beginning our marriage and being apparent by myself. I was very much in love the whole time till a few years ago. Since then in have been moving constantly and I was alone a lot with the kids while he had to do his job. It felt like and still do that all I do, is wait. I found out he had an affair from the minute I got pregnant and while we were getting ready to get married. He continued this affair on and off for 4 years. He also had an emotional affair with a co-worker as recent as 3 years ago. I kind of knew I guess looking back at it. I was crushed. The second emotional affair started while pregnant with my second child. I was devastated. Now I suffer from depression and self-esteem issues and I am surrounded in a new environment again. He suffered from depression I guess and he is constantly lying to me. He just blew a ton of money while attending a school for a few weeks. He went to bars and strip clubs even though I told him that I can’t handle it. I am still trying to work through the infinitely issues and trust issues. After 13years he finally has the guts to tell me that he is unhappy. He says he never knew what happiness means. I just caught him in another lie and called him out on it. It turned into, “what’s the big deal i didn’t cheat. Just be happy” I am so confused on what to do. He tells me he loves me and he wants to change but his reflections do not reflect that. Now that he has verbalized it for the first time that he is unhappy makes me more confused. I feel like my life has been on pause for 10years while he continued having a blast on his own. Every time things seem to work out better and I get out of this depression phase and I am able to look forward and make plans, he does something to completely crush my soul, heart and everything else. I am trying to figure out if I am complacent and are scared of change now, since I invested so many years into trying to create a great future for us and our children. What is love? How can I be in love with him when i know that he has been playing games with my life? Why would he keep telling me that he loves me and he is sorry and he wants invest more time into our marriage and our children. But he does not, I keep waiting. And nothing happens. I just want the sadness and pain to stop; I do not want to beg him to spend time with me. I want to make it work for myself and the kids. And I think he needs me. He has been unstable emotionally; he showed signs of depression bi-polar and other mental issues. When is the time to realize I exhausted all of the resources I got? If I leave my kids life would be turned upside down, they are not aware of the issues and would have a hard time understanding it. I also think I would move overseas to my family and start fresh, but I do not want to take this final step till I am sure I tried everything. Can he change after 13years? And became the loving supportive non-lying husband he wants to be? Or is it just wishful thinking on my side, I am not sure If I am still buying to no his lies. I actually know I am, because after catching lying last week I still have faith he will not do it again. I fell so lost for the past 10 years. I am so drained emotionally I cannot continue hoping for the best. It is such a recurrent thing. Worst part is he makes me feel so stupid, cheating, and lying to me on a regular basis. I cannot find anything positive anymore in our marriage. I keep thinking that once I leave and start from scratch with my kids that I would continue hurting this bad and still love him for some stupid reason, that I would continue being depressed. I spend 1/3 of my life with him, even if it was lonely. The pathetic thing is I can still see a future for us, if he would change his behavior. How do I let go? I want to be able to have that “one” person in my life till I get old that I love and he loves me, that I can count on no matter what, and all the other junk. Does it even exist anymore? Logically it makes no sense to stay, keep doing the same thing, change will not occur. But how does a person shut of the feelings? This guy hurt me more than he ever made me feel good. I rather be hurt and continue portending our marriage is fine for the kids. I know most people do not agree, but I feel like leaving would crush them and have permanent damage to them. I am already screwed anyways, so why put any of that on them. I am at a point where I considered an affair myself. I need companion; I feel like I am shutting off emotionally, I feel numb a bit, but alive in way. Is being with someone else going to make me feel worse or better? Is it wrong to want to feel wanted or desired by someone else, when husband does not want to? I am sorry guys; I am all over the place with my post. My brain is just going into all directions trying to figure out what’s next. I feel my life has been at this point to many times and no action on my part. I need change; I need to do something different before I continue accepting this again, the way it is. Anyone out here ever had similar experiences? Am I the only one who is an idiot? lol 
Would love to hear from others who had their life turned upside down and had to start fresh, how do you start?


----------



## JulieBrooke (Mar 29, 2013)

First, you have to finally have had enough.. then get mad.. not just mad for letting him continue to hurt you, but for hurting your children's chances of having a normal family. He's cheating on them too. What does a mother do when someone or something hurts their children? Protect them. I know the best thing is to work things out, but if he doesn't want to you can't work it out all by yourself. Don't you think your children would rather be in a better environment, instead of them being brought up in uncertainty?


----------

