# The importance of reciprocation



## IndyTMI (Oct 26, 2012)

Some of you may be aware of my back story, but I really don't care to bring all of that back out to the surface again, so I am not even going to look up the old links to refer to.

As a brief description, I was in a failed marriage where things were very lopsided, as I was giving my all and rarely received anything back. I am HD and she was LD. Her BPD finally pushed me away and I separated and eventually divorced her as of late last year.

During our separation, I started dating and eventually met a woman I am now married to. We just got back from our honeymoon and life is grand.

The point of this post is simply to say how happy I am and to let you know that being with the right person can make all of the difference in the world.

In my past marriage, rarely was anything reciprocated...not just in the bedroom, either. Things eventually got so bad for me, compound the affects of her BPD, I became very co-dependent and developed behaviors I have since recognized and corrected. I had looked at every act of my generosity or giving and care-taking as a reason to seek and demand a return of some sort. When, in most cases, nothing was shown by her, I felt neglected and unloved. I was expecting some type of reciprocation, but it rarely came.
After separating, I finally realized that is wasn't just about the lack of sexual desire from her...it was the lack of her having any interest in seeing that I was on the receiving end of anything thoughtful on her part.

My current wife has shown me a whole new experience of what love is. I don't even think about reciprocation any more, as it just comes naturally from her...from both of us. We both have the desire to meet each others needs, wants and desires. Rejection is now never a fear of mine. My wife told me that no man has ever made her feel so wanted, respected and appreciated as I show her. In return, I feel the very same about her. This is how I always envisioned a relationship being. It's such a wonderful feeling that it draws me in to pay attention to the little things. I always thank her when she gets anything for me and she does the same. I always make an effort to not only hold the door for her wherever we go, but do the same whenever she gets in the vehicle. I love letting her know how special she is to me and she lets me know how much she appreciates my interest and effort.

What a difference the world can be and how satisfying life is when you share it with someone that truly appreciates, respects and loves you for who you are. I look forward to growing old with my wife and know our love will grow with us throughout time.

Life is good!


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## I Don't Know (Oct 8, 2013)

Congrats Indy! I hope you and your wife have many happy, fulfilling years ahead of you! It's great to hear that life CAN be amazing. 

I think there are a few posters on here that need to hear success stories. They're in the same position you and I were, but are afraid to take that leap. If you've tried your hardest, there's no shame in walking away and finding happiness.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

We try so hard on TAM to save marriages, but your story clearly indicates that sometimes it is best to let go.

So happy for you. Best wishes for the future!


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## Layla79 (Feb 6, 2013)

Congrats on finally getting the awesome relationship you've been wanting for so long!


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## I Don't Know (Oct 8, 2013)

jld said:


> *We try so hard on TAM to save marriages*, but your story clearly indicates that sometimes it is best to let go.
> 
> So happy for you. Best wishes for the future!


Sometimes I feel bad that I'm on a marriage site and my first instinct is to advise people to bail. It's just based on my experience and from many of the stories here, I don't usually feel hopeful that things will change. And honestly, I'd rather have someone who is *naturally* on the same page than someone who had to be *coerced* into loving me. So, even if I could go back in time and fix my first marriage, I have ZERO desire to do so.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

We have virtually carbon copy stories Indy...I am getting married in a little over 48 hours


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## long_done (Jun 5, 2014)

samyeagar said:


> We have virtually carbon copy stories Indy...I am getting married in a little over 48 hours


Wow, congrats!!!!!!! :smthumbup: 

To the OP - thank you for the inspirational story, it made my day!!

I envy you guys and am so happy for you!!!


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## homedepot (May 13, 2014)

I Don't Know said:


> Sometimes I feel bad that I'm on a marriage site and my first instinct is to advise people to bail. It's just based on my experience and from many of the stories here, I don't usually feel hopeful that things will change. And honestly, I'd rather have someone who is *naturally* on the same page than someone who had to be *coerced* into loving me. So, even if I could go back in time and fix my first marriage, I have ZERO desire to do so.




I like your "Key" words there. I realized that if isn't natural, most don't want it. I am one of those...


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## over20 (Nov 15, 2013)

samyeagar said:


> We have virtually carbon copy stories Indy...I am getting married in a little over 48 hours


How exciting! I wish you and your new bride every happiness.


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