# My EX gets dumped by AP for 3rd time



## Houstondad

Hey TAM,
It's been a while since I've been on here. The last time I was on here I was struggling with dating/rescuing younger, immature women. Lesson learned on that one.

My latest dating news? I'm not dating anyone nor am I actively pursuing dating like I was months ago. Trying too hard can make things more complicated than they have to be. Cancelled my subscription to eHarmony too. For now, I'm focusing my efforts back on my kids and myself.

So things have been congenial between my EX and I since her brother's wedding back in October. The kids went to visit her just after X-mas and she invited me to visit part of the time during the holidays. So I did. :scratchhead:

Yes, I know you're probably thinking WTF? However, I honestly feel that I've put to rest a lot of my anger and resentment towards what she did. I know many people want nothing to do with their EXs. But because we have kids, I don't want to follow that hard-lined path if it's not necessary.
I wanted to spend time with my kids during the holiday. And I felt it would be another step towards building a better partnership for our kids to see.

And here is where things reminded me of who I divorced. (LOL)
So I arrive and things go fine. The next day, our kids, her and I are snow tubing at a little resort outside of town. And it's getting late. We decide to pick up pizza on the way back to town. She hands me her phone to see what type of pizza I'd like to order. And then a text message pops up on the screen. It says " I love you". Ugh. And guess who it was from? The OM from 3 years ago. The same POSOM who went running back to his wife. To say some hidden PTSD suddenly came to the surface would be a correct assessment. The same thing happened in Oct 2011 when she visited while we were separated. Nearly the exact same thing! It was like the man upstairs was trying to tell me something.

The text disappeared and the menu was all that was on the screen. I handed the phone back and said I didn't care what pizza we ordered and I went outside. Later that night, with the kids asleep, and before leaving to my hotel she tells me how things have been hard. How she's not dating anyone (ha, really?) and is lonely. How she'd love to have the kids move up and I can too (never in a million years).
How she struggles and that she fears she's ending up like her mom (manic depressive who passed away in 2003). She sobbed and cried for the next hour or two while I just sat there stone faced. She popped some anxiety pills to sleep and I left.

At the airport, I contacted OM's wife and she tells me they are divorcing and was suspicious that they were back again. She didn't care. She was focused on finally divorcing the POS.
She then contacts me in late March to tell me he broke it off with my EX for the third time and is dating some other woman. 

All of this told me my EX is still a broken down woman. Someone who still struggles with her emotional demons, who is desperate enough to go out with her AP from years ago only to be kicked to the curb a 3rd time. It's all unhealthy. And I am NOT rescuing her. 
She recently told me she is going to a class about building confidence. Good. The best of luck to her. But she's on her own because I have my own life and I'm working on improving MY script. Not someone else's.

Ok. Just wanted to share with someone and get that off my chest. Thanks for listening.


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## LongWalk

Sad. All you can do is wish her luck.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Conrad

Thank God you saw that brother.

But, I can tell it hurt.

Let's get to the bottom of that.


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## 6301

Bet your glad that your going home. She sounds like a person who has to have someone in her life not matter how bad it is just to say that she's not alone.


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## ThreeStrikes

That was one serendipitous text!


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## Conrad

LongWalk said:


> Sad. All you can do is wish her luck.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


She's going to need it. What a self-destructive piece of work.


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## bandit.45

Just remember the horrible callous way she treated you. I do.

Go back and read your old posts any time you get to feeling sorry for her.


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## Houstondad

Bandit .45 - Thanks man. Whenever I think of the "old her" I catch myself in mid-reminisce and remind myself of the selfish and painful things she put me through. I haven't looked at my old threads, but I'll keep that in mind the next time I start reminiscing.

Conrad- you intuitive cat! I did start to think she may have achieved a turning point in her life as things got better between us. But her living thousands of miles away from me (and the kids) makes it nearly impossible to know where she's at in her life. And my visit this past x-mas holiday made me realize she hasn't changed. Serendipitous? Absolutely.

Yes, I've put myself in an "isolated" situation that at times makes me miss my marriage (yes, before it tanked). The disappointment of where we could be right now if she didn't mess up and gave up. But I remind myself I gotta roll with the punches. It could be much, much worse.

6301- Yeah, she seems pretty desperate to hook up with the homewrecker only to get kicked to the curb again. And would she go out with him again if he asked? I wouldn't doubt it in a second.

It can be a bit lonely when I'm not out with friends or in a relationship. Staying out of relationships is by choice at the moment. All but two of my friends are married. Creating friends has been difficult. Despite having a history of making friends fairly easy, it's been tough to do that while raising my kids during the school year. Not much time. I've been meaning to join some meetup groups. Need to do that.


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## Sandfly

Lonely by yourself is better than lonely while 'officially' with someone.

In the first case, there is the probability of new people and experiences coming into your life.

There's no turning back, you can't trust her anyway.


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## Houstondad

Me again and I need to vent safely here cuz I almost went off on my EX tonight.
She had her weekly video chat with our kids tonight. Usual routine. However, she was wearing a light jacket that had the logo name of an internet company that happens to belong to the POSOM.
I didn't say anything and afterwards was angry enough that I was going to tell her that I would appreciate it if she didn't wear that in front of the kids and/or I. That I find it disrespectful. It's possible that she wasn't even thinking about it. Or maybe she was. Who knows? So I sent her a text asking if she could do me a favor? After I sent it, I realized my anger/emotions had too much control so I send a text again saying "never mind".
So I'm venting her so I don't come across emotionally weak or butt hurt in front of her. Maybe when I calm down I can think of something witty to say. But I probably shouldn't say anything at all.
And I just now realized that it's odd that she would wear that after the OM dumped her. Or did he really dump her? The OM has lied to his STBXW before. Tempted to contact her about it so as not to let her think he's not possibly lying to her in the middle of their divorce.


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## Sandfly

What this woman gets off most on, whether you're thinking hateful thoughts about her or lovely ones, is the idea that you're thinking about her.

The thing they like least is receiving no attention, being no part of your life, irrelevant, on the outside.

So leave her cold, whenever possible.

When you wake up tomorrow, you'll know I'm right... and if you don't think so in 12 hours time, it's not still too late to do whatever it is _tomorrow _


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## bandit.45

Sandfly said:


> *What this woman gets off most on, whether you're thinking hateful thoughts about her or lovely ones, is the idea that you're thinking about her.*
> 
> The thing they like least is receiving no attention, being no part of your life, irrelevant, on the outside.
> 
> So leave her cold, whenever possible.
> 
> When you wake up tomorrow, you'll know I'm right... and if you don't think so in 12 hours time, it's not still too late to do whatever it is _tomorrow _


Man, that's it right there.

Good insight Sandfly. 

Its all about her. She's a narcissist. The world could burn down around her and she will be staring in the mirror.


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## bandit.45

HD it is going to take you a good three to four years to get over her enough where the pain is no longer there. 

Just be patient. Heal at your own rate.


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## Houstondad

Yeah, I'm kinda surprised it still hit a little nerve after all these years. Nowhere close to what it was years ago, but enough that it has me on here talking about it. 

I figured at the worst, I would at least sleep on it first before I act on it. But right now, I don't plan to say anything to her about it. Ever. 

A better question might be why I give a damn about any of it right now. And Conrad was right. I need to figure that out, address it and move forward.

I just received a text from her. Haven't opened it and don't plan to right now.
You just stated a very true and important detail. Attention seeking. And I'll be damned if I enable or feed into her attention seeking behavior. And yes, .45, she's definitely become a narcissist. 

Thanks for the quick advice Sandfly. And the thoughtfulness .45.
Be happy to buy y'all a pint if you're ever in H-town.


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## Machiavelli

Houstondad said:


> Yeah, I'm kinda surprised it still hit a little nerve after all these years. Nowhere close to what it was years ago, but enough that it has me on here talking about it. .


All these years? Man, I still get mad at my XWGF and that was 30 years ago, no marriage, and no kids. However, based on what I found out later, whenever she comes to mind I look up and say, "Thank you, God."


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## Conrad

You have been conditioned to think the worst.

Why would you not?

She is a pathetic liar.

When has she ever been honest?


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