# Why do women date married guys!??



## kittykatz (Feb 22, 2013)

Ok, so one of my coworkers is in a relationship with this guy who is married and has 3 kids... actually its more than just a relationship, they live together. Ive worked with this person for the past year and a half, and shes been with the guy this whole time... I cant even tell you how many times they've broken up and got back together.

I can think of at least 6 or 7 times.... Im sure theres more. Usually it would be the same old crap every month or so. The guy would leave my coworker and go back to his wife. My coworker would come into work sad and depressed for days at a time, and whine and moan about how she wasnt ever going to take him back. A few weeks later, she'd be back with him and then the cycle would repeat. 

Currently, they are together and have been together for about 4 or 5 months, which I think is a record for them... but she still has trust issues with him apparently because she put some sort of tracker on his cell phone which allows her to see where hes at, pretty much at all times. Well, on valentines day, apparently she was doing some snooping around, and she found out that he was over at his wife's house while my coworker was at work all day. She got all worked up over it and was telling everyone that when he gets home, all his crap is going to be thrown out in the yard and shes done with him and bla bla bla. 

The next day she comes back into work and says "He told me he was just over at his wifes house to see his kids... he wasnt there to see her. Thats his story though, I dont know if i believe that".... but yet shes still with him.

Supposedly, my coworker used to be good friends with this guys wife and one day the wife decided that she wanted to have a threesome... so the wife, the husband and my coworker had one but then apparently after that, my coworker and the husband actually started to develop feelings towards each other. I dont know if this part is true or not but its just what Ive heard, and honestly I wouldnt be surprised. 

Anyway, I already know why the husband does what he does... he wants to have his family and his wife, but he wants my coworker as a piece of tail on the side. But why does my coworker put up with this?? She certainly doesnt stay with him for his looks! Why would you want someone thats married with kids? Why would you want to share him with someone? Just about every single day she talks about the guy's wife and how "fat" she is (as if shes skinny herself) and what a horrible mom she is, etc...

And Im just like why would you want that? You could find a single guy with no baggage, and then you wouldnt have to talk trash about his wife everyday. The only thing I can think of is maybe she likes having someone to talk trash about.. maybe she likes the drama. Maybe if she was just with a normal guy with no wife or kids, life would be too boring for her. 

What do you guys think?


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## Terry_CO (Oct 23, 2012)

Women think they're going to "change him" and that he will suddenly be faithful and honorable, despite the fact that they wouldn't be dating if he wasn't a cheater and scum. Every "other woman" thinks that she is the one with the power to straighten him out - presumably so he will be faithful to her.

And every time, he cheats on her too. It's what cheaters do.

As to why women do this ......maybe wishful thinking? Maybe a self-destructive tendency?


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## BjornFree (Aug 16, 2012)

The lure of the forbidden.


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## Jasel (Jan 8, 2013)

Because those women, just like the men, are scumbags.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

Suckers for punishment.
Addicted to drama/stress cycle.
Want to be the drama queen.
Nuts.
Thinking they will have the trappings that went with the guy's marriage, instead of logically thinking through to what reality will be like post-divorce. (Guy has kids, possibly alimony, much less money, and responsible for laundering his own dirty underwear and cleaning his own fridge...if he had a wife who did that stuff...)


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## Mistys dad (Dec 2, 2011)

She is a skank.


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## kittykatz (Feb 22, 2013)

Well I can't say I disagree with anyone. If you knew this woman... well, let's just say she is on the trashy side which is why the whole threesome story wouldn't surprise me if its true.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Also pre-selection. 

And for some of the same reasons that male predators want to take a mate from their spouse. Pretty evil stuff really.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

It's not like this is exclusive to single women dating married men... It works both ways.

In the case of your friend, I suspect she's got some issues that need to be resolved, about why she continues to stay in an obviously bad/unhealthy relationship. But as she is now, she'll likely continue to remain in it until he decides to go back to his ex, or finds another co-dependent woman to latch onto.

C


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## kittykatz (Feb 22, 2013)

Entropy3000 said:


> Also pre-selection.
> 
> And for some of the same reasons that male predators want to take a mate from their spouse. Pretty evil stuff really.


I was just getting ready to say this. I think its also possible that her self esteem is so low, that it makes her feel good to know that she took someone elses husband away. And she used to always make little comments to me like "don't worry I would never do that to you!" (referring to taking my husband) and I would be thinking wtf... what makes you think that even if you wanted to take my husband that he would have anything to do with you?? He has higher standards than that. She's also the type of person that will talk about how bald guys are "gross". Sorry but id rather be with someone who's bald than someone who is married. And even though her bf isn't bald, I know plenty of bald guys that look better than he does. One time when they had broken up, she was flirting with a customer at work, who just so happened to be bald, and he looked older like maybe late 30s or 40. She actually gave this guy her number and then the next day she comes in complaining that he's a pyshco and wont quit texting her. And then anytime she saw him after that, she would always try to avoid him and be like "that's the psycho that was obsessed with me!". She gave the guy her number so I don't know why in the hell she was surprised that he texted her. I think she likes to make guys think she's interested in them just so she can be like look at me everyone! A guy actually wants me! Aren't I special? I think its pathetic.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Married in VA (Jan 6, 2012)

Married people in bad marriages are actually easier to get with than happy single people. Single people often are enjoying their lives and are more reluctant to change then say an unhappily married man. That man feels trapped and the woman is his savior, for lack of a better word. Now the married guy can cake eat all day long and the OW feels "wanted" by someone. The problems start when OW wants more then just sex and the WH does not, which is what is going on in the OP's co-worker's case. 

The reasons on why other men/women date married people are as varied as people themselves. One of my STBXW's OMs actually told someone that the only reason he was dating my STBXW was because she was easy and puts out. He hated the fact that she has kids and they are around a lot. Real winner hugh?


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Married Men are more attractive cause it speaks that another woman wanted him, loved him & caught him, he must be worthy....

But this should all go out the window -when such a man engages in adulterous behavior & betrayal to his wife he vowed to Love honor & cherish...it immediately speaks to his LYING character ...and he, too, will do this to his Mistress. 

It's a desperate woman's play to entertain this coming to "GOOD"...chances are she will loose in the end and still be alone. 

I would agree, if I found myself single, many married Men would be "attractive"... but they are still OFF LIMITS.


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## FalconKing (Aug 8, 2012)

kittykatz said:


> I was just getting ready to say this. I think its also possible that her self esteem is so low, that it makes her feel good to know that she took someone elses husband away. And she used to always make little comments to me like "don't worry I would never do that to you!" (referring to taking my husband) and I would be thinking wtf... what makes you think that even if you wanted to take my husband that he would have anything to do with you?? He has higher standards than that. She's also the type of person that will talk about how bald guys are "gross". Sorry but id rather be with someone who's bald than someone who is married. And even though her bf isn't bald, I know plenty of bald guys that look better than he does. One time when they had broken up, she was flirting with a customer at work, who just so happened to be bald, and he looked older like maybe late 30s or 40. She actually gave this guy her number and then the next day she comes in complaining that he's a pyshco and wont quit texting her. And then anytime she saw him after that, she would always try to avoid him and be like "that's the psycho that was obsessed with me!". She gave the guy her number so I don't know why in the hell she was surprised that he texted her. I think she likes to make guys think she's interested in them just so she can be like look at me everyone! A guy actually wants me! Aren't I special? I think its pathetic.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


i think you and homemaker nailed it. I dated a woman like this. I've known women like this. Here's what's going on. She's not emotionally available. So she prefers emotionally unavailable men. She probably seeks men who can't completely commit to her. Because she doesn't really want to be vulnerable to a man. Or she has a fear of a man who would want to be hers completely. And if the man was completely available, they would think of reasons to end the relationship. Women like this tend to have a high numbers of sexual partners because they lack fear of commitment and make a lot of impulsive decisions relationship wise. Also, as Homemaker pointed out, she's addicted to the drama and unstableness of these types of relationships. She probably confuses that for passion and romance.


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

kittykatz said:


> I was just getting ready to say this. I think its also possible that her self esteem is so low, that it makes her feel good to know that she took someone elses husband away.


It has everything to do with self esteem or lack there of. The idea that if a married man is going to risk his marriage, access to his kids and creature comforts to be with her, then she must be special. What they fail to realize though is that most men who cheat truly do not believe they will get caught so for them they aren't risking anything.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Therealbrighteyes said:


> It has everything to do with self esteem or lack there of. The idea that if a married man is going to risk his marriage, access to his kids and creature comforts to be with her, then she must be special. What they fail to realize though is that most men who cheat truly do not believe they will get caught so for them they aren't risking anything.


Yes. This is the same idea from the male perspective.
Maybe a slight spin on the male predator dominating the husband by taking his wife. Still amounts to the same thing. Perhaps for the male it is not about taking the wife away but using her period. Messed up all the way around.


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## Hortensia (Feb 1, 2013)

Some women don't respect other people's marriages. They're selfish, they see a guy they like and go for it...to hell with anyone involved, they're able to build their happiness on someone else's heartache. Your friend seems to fit in this description...
Then there are women who don't feel up for the challenge of marriage. Having to cook, iron, take care of the house, raise kids...too much trouble. They just want the fun part of a relationship, no responsabilities.
Then there are the desperate ones...they reached a certain age where "everything that is good is taken". So the options appear to be, remain alone or break another person's marriage and steal a guy.
The same applies to men as well, not only women.


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## Regga (Jan 22, 2013)

I was the OW once when I was in college. Met a man and started dating him. He wasn't the best looking...but he threw on the charm! I was wined and dined and treated like a queen. Then one day, I got in his car and saw envelopes in his front seat addressed to a woman with his last name. Bells as whistles!!! Before this, I honestly thought we would get married: he met my family, we spent weekends at my place and hotels, etc. I was in a fog and didn't even consider the reason's why I didn't see his home, meet his family, etc. We had dated a year!!! Either I didn't want to see it, or he hid it amazingly!

He was extremely intelligent and lived a double life. I even found out later he was seeing another woman. I was soooo "in love" with him and believed that he loved me. After I found the envelope, I got the "I am unhappy with my wife and planned to divorce her so we could get married," line. I went along with it for a few months until he was deployed. Then I met his wife. She knew about me the whole time, but didn't believe in divorce and showed me how he was really living with her and another woman. Twas a serious slap in the face. 

Thank GOD for rebound dating. I just started dating others to get over him. It was so hard! But when I discovered that I was in love with the wining and dining and the fantasy of love...not really in love with the real him, it changed. 

I sometimes think that I am experiencing karma for being with a married man. My ex-husband and current husband both had affairs on me. I've never been in a relationship where my partner has been faithful to me. 

I am truly remorseful to that man's wife. I think they are still together and have children now. I'm sure she hates me, but I do honestly wish her the best. She's a saint for sticking with her marriage.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Tigger (Dec 5, 2007)

Probably the same reason women flock to serial killers in prison and to attractive widowers when the casket has barely closed.


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

> Why do women date married guys!??


Because their spirit is already broken.

Thank you! I'll be here all week. Be sure to tip your waitresses.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Maybe for the feeling of being competitive; they've "won" over the guy's wife.


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## *LittleDeer* (Apr 19, 2012)

They don't really feel they are worth it, so are happy to take crumbs from a sociopath.


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## Davelli0331 (Apr 29, 2011)

Some women have had a terrible, traumatic event in their past that they never confronted emotionally, so they make very self-destructive decisions.

Some women are just plain sociopaths.

Some women do it because they can. It stokes their ego to "conquer" or "seduce" a married man.

I agree with many others that self-confidence is a huge factor. By and large people accept whatever they think they deserve.

There are many more reasons women date married men, some of which have been astutely pointed out in this thread. I say women, but I'm sure much of this applies to men who date married women, though perhaps to different degrees than women.


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## Davelli0331 (Apr 29, 2011)

Some women have had a terrible, traumatic event in their past that they never confronted emotionally, so they make very self-destructive decisions.

Some women are just plain sociopaths.

Some women do it because they can. It stokes their ego to "conquer" or "seduce" a married man.

I agree with many others that self-confidence is a huge factor. By and large people accept whatever they think they deserve.

There are many more reasons women date married men, some of which have been astutely pointed out in this thread. I say women, but I'm sure much of this applies to men who date married women, though perhaps to different degrees than women.


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## Blonde (Jan 7, 2013)

Childhood baggage. Abusive or absent daddy--> broken "man picker". 

Someone who is emotionally unavailable and exploitative feels familiar and "comfortable".


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## ShawnD (Apr 2, 2012)

> Childhood baggage. Abusive or absent daddy--> broken "man picker".
> 
> Someone who is emotionally unavailable and exploitative feels familiar and "comfortable".


This. In general, men date women who are like their mother, and women date men who are like their father. If a woman's father is a piece of trash, she will date trash. 
One of my female friends only dates unavailable *********s, and it never made any sense. Then I met her dad. It made perfect sense - he looks like a *********. He had the trendy sunglasses, the tan, the arm tattoos, big ego, he has things like new cabinets and a hot tub but has trouble paying his bills. He's as retarded as you could possibly imagine, and he's exactly the type of guy my friend tries to date.

What's sad is that evolution seems to favor crazy and stupid people. Mentally unstable people get pregnant at age 15 and have 5 kids, and those 5 kids each continue the pattern of very short generations and rapid population growth. The more stable people have kids at a later age, and they have fewer kids overall. The result is that a majority of the population is crazy.


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## FalconKing (Aug 8, 2012)

ShawnD said:


> This. In general, men date women who are like their mother, and women date men who are like their father. If a woman's father is a piece of trash, she will date trash.
> One of my female friends only dates unavailable *********s, and it never made any sense. Then I met her dad. It made perfect sense - he looks like a *********. He had the trendy sunglasses, the tan, the arm tattoos, big ego, he has things like new cabinets and a hot tub but has trouble paying his bills. He's as retarded as you could possibly imagine, and he's exactly the type of guy my friend tries to date.
> 
> What's sad is that evolution seems to favor crazy and stupid people. Mentally unstable people get pregnant at age 15 and have 5 kids, and those 5 kids each continue the pattern of very short generations and rapid population growth. The more stable people have kids at a later age, and they have fewer kids overall. The result is that a majority of the population is crazy.


My mother got married at 15. They've been married for over 30 years and have a great marriage. But the sad thing is...that's rare. I know you are speaking in hyperbole but I think you are right.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

ShawnD said:


> The result is that a majority of the population is crazy.


Well, that's certainly painting the "majority of the population" with a broad brush, isn't it? 

I must live in some sort of bubble, because I'm not hanging with crazies, skanks, "retards" (as you frequently call people), or idiots.

Am I special? No way. Lots of the talk radio show people claim our population is "crazy" after the last presidential election. I don't think that is the case, but this isn't a political forum, is it?

I don't think I am an elitist, nor do I hang with an elitist crowd. You do realize that "crazy" is a subjective term ....


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## Ellen Steve (Jan 23, 2013)

Who knows why, but some girls find married men attractive. Just like some girls would find other qualities and characteristics attractive in men. I wonder if the moment he left his wife for another is when your friend began to lose interest in this guy. Sure, she’ll be angry with him for spending time with his wife, but perhaps she preferred to play the role of the other woman who was in the process of stealing a man, or being a mistress, etc.Remember that your coworkers was at some point friends with everyone involved. Perhaps she was turned on by the possibility of messing around a married man, when things moved further and he actually left his wife, he lost his appeal. Now she finds herself going back and forth about whether or not she should stay with him or not. Stop Divorce


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## Fledgling (Feb 3, 2013)

It sounds to me like this woman is simply, for lack of a better term. A mean girl. I know alot of men get crap for having affairs but I also throw alot of crap at the OWs. Most of these women do it just because they can. There is anew study out suggesting that bullies actually have alot of self-esteem. The OWs are really just pretty bullies. They know that the man feels guilty about cheating or doesn't want to get caught and there 's always that veiled threat that if he doesn't give her what she wants she'll blow him up to his wife. And the wife? The wife deserves it for being such a drip and not knowing how to take care of a man. Simply put it's a power trip for women like your coworker.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Fledgling said:


> It sounds to me like this woman is simply, for lack of a better term. A mean girl. I know alot of men get crap for having affairs but I also throw alot of crap at the OWs. Most of these women do it just because they can. *There is anew study out suggesting that bullies actually have alot of self-esteem. The OWs are really just pretty bullies. *They know that the man feels guilty about cheating or doesn't want to get caught and there 's always that veiled threat that if he doesn't give her what she wants she'll blow him up to his wife. And the wife? The wife deserves it for being such a drip and not knowing how to take care of a man. Simply put it's a power trip for women like your coworker.



what study is that? Sounds interesting.


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## mel123 (Aug 4, 2012)

Davelli0331 said:


> Some women do it because they can. It stokes their ego to "conquer" or "seduce" a married man.


:iagree:


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