# Need support / advice - deeply depressed. :(



## HELP ME. (Jun 10, 2009)

[background]I am a 40 year old Male. Married ~16.5 years. 2 kids (boys 15 and 13). Always dedicated to playing with my kids. I have no family close by and not many friends since I always played with my kids. i have a few co-workers, but no one talks. 75% of my co-workers are on meds themselves. [/background]

I moved out about 3-4 months ago. I have been deeply depressed even 3-4 months before I moved out. I hate my work, I hate being alone when I am, I hate how my kids are growing independent, etc.....

I cannot seem to find a positive anywhere. I have tried about 7 different mental drugs. They have all had horrible side effects as severe as semi suicidial for a couple of them.

I have tried a UV light, Yoga, omega-3, etc.... 

I used to be a fun / funny person. I feel like my work is a big problem since I am stuck here 8 hours a day and rarely talk to anyone. I have been looking for soemthing different but i have child support, etc.... 

I am going insane!!!!

Any advice is appreciated. 

thanks!!!!


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

What about a different job?


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## HELP ME. (Jun 10, 2009)

sisters359 said:


> What about a different job?



i was just discussing this at lunch.... LEAP OF FAITH and take a much less paying (but rewarding) job????? that seems to be my only choice, or find something i can start myself...?? 

any suggestions are appreciated...


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## Notaclue (Jan 1, 2010)

Hi Help Me, did you decide to move out or did your wife ask you to ? Is there any way to see a pyschiatrist - psycho-pharmacologist. This person could haelp you adjust your meds ...

Seems like the idea of another job sounds like a good one. Are you in "IT" by any chance ?


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## knortoh (Sep 5, 2009)

don't go crazy !
when you were fun what was different in your life?
what makes you laugh?
it may take time to get another job 
can we start working on the little things?


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## HELP ME. (Jun 10, 2009)

I was sort of forced out of my house.... one of us had to move. we seperated within the house for about 3-4 months until lawyers could type up paperwork. I couldn't afford to keep the house and pay child support, etc.... 

what made me happy - everything used to.... just being me.... goofying around with my kids, neighbors, co-workers.

now my work sucks due to some good people leaving and the rest are on meds, my kids are older and don't want to hang out with me (and don't really like my condo compared to the house), etc...

I have tried about every mind medicine there is and nothing has worked...

I am kind of excited about the posibility of changing to a job that works with rehab patients but the pay is probably 1/3 what I make now (I am a Controller), but I would hopefully start training to become an RN which would lead to better $ down the road....???

should i take the leap??? i need to change something... it has been 6-10 months of torture to my heart/ blood pressure / mind / etc....


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## knortoh (Sep 5, 2009)

help sounds like a good plan to me 
it is a huge thing being separated 
having a new career to work towards is definitely a great step
you can do it


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## AloneEmotionally (Jan 6, 2010)

HELP ME. said:


> [background]I am a 40 year old Male. Married ~16.5 years. 2 kids (boys 15 and 13). Always dedicated to playing with my kids. I have no family close by and not many friends since I always played with my kids. i have a few co-workers, but no one talks. 75% of my co-workers are on meds themselves. [/background]
> 
> I moved out about 3-4 months ago. I have been deeply depressed even 3-4 months before I moved out. I hate my work, I hate being alone when I am, I hate how my kids are growing independent, etc.....
> 
> ...


Help me, I hear what you are saying and while I have not separated from my wife I completely understand. I am personally battling a deep depression daily mostly because my marriage is in a very bad place. My wife and I moved to across the country a few years ago and she hasnt been happy and wants to move back. My career is here and moving back will be catastrophic for me career wise and financially. She doesnt care. She is also completely unaffectionate to me (always was) but in the past 6 years whatever affection she used to show is completely gone.

My kids are still very young and keep me going strong. But I realize that in order to be happy I will probably need to leave my wife. Its very depressing because I love my family life and obviously dont want to do anything to destroy it. But I see a future where my kids grow up and I left with nothing but an uhappy relationship and this deepens my sadness and depressed thoughts. Ive had passing (although not serious) thoughts of suicide. I never would do such a thing but the idea that the though even pops in my head tells me I need to do SOMETHING.

I started recently taking medication for ADD (finally) and it seems to push out alot of the depression. although the depression comes back as soon as the meds wear off (toward the end of the day right when I am going home) and actually deepen because it comes on very suddenly.

I guess what I would tell you is to be VERY careful with Tri Cycle type anti-depressants. And dont take any meds for this without consulting at least 2 specialists. This is very serious stuff. I dont feel my depression is affecting my work (mainly because ive been on stimulants for the past month) but it could have gotten there.

I love my work and love my kids. So my depression has to be about something else - my relationship with my wife. 

The best thing to do I think is CHANGE THINGS THAT ARE MAKING YOU UNHAPPY. If you are not chemically depressed (I do not believe that I am) then you have the ability to change things in your life and make them better. That should improve your outlook on life. Individuals that battle chemical depression cant do anything about it and require medication. It sounds to me like you are in a similar (perhaps worse and more advanced) situation as me.

I can tell you this - I am a buddingly successful entrepreneur. I am 43 years old. I have everything in the world still ahead of me and kids that are still going to love me (I think) no matter what happens. I am NOT going to let depression beat me. No way, no how. So I am going to grab life by the horns and do what I need to do to get rid of it.

But depression is an illness and will affect you mentally, professionally and physically. You NEED to change this.


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## HELP ME. (Jun 10, 2009)

^^ Very nice post!!!!! Right now my work life blows. We only have a few people on my floor and they are almost all hicks (sorry co-workers).... so i have noone that I connect with here at all.

I am working on finding my own business to buy, start, etc.... I started taking Remeron (i think that is what it is called) which has helped.... for whatever reason Wellbrutrin type medicines made me suicidial and worse.... I hate taking any meds but hopefully it is temp. I do act like myself around fun people (went out last saturday and had a good time), but once i get here at work i feel horrible. my office has no windows and i just push papers around all day... blaaaa.... 

hopefully something decent pops up for me soon....  tough economy isn't helping....


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## HELP ME. (Jun 10, 2009)

Okay... it has been a few weeks.... I am taking some old drug (7.5mg)... Remaron (or something like that)... and it actually is working.... Hopefully I will be starting my own business soon and get out of my hell at work so that will hopefully allow me to stop taking this stuff, but i was amazed that I am sleeping and generally feel much better.

I had completely f'd up dreams the first 2 nights but after that it is mostly normal now.


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## Notaclue (Jan 1, 2010)

Help Me, glad you are feelng better and now have a sense of purpose. My counselor says that I am seriously depressed, but I do not want to start any type of medication. I am trying to find a way to sleep at night, but even with exercise it's hard. My goal is to get past this disaster with no medications. Hope I can do it...


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## lost1234 (Aug 24, 2009)

Help me,

just a thought because you sound similar to my husband...i dont know your age, however , having your physician check your testosterone levels may help.
my h went from a/d to a/d...some seemed to help others didnt and symptoms eventually became worse.
my h was dx with low testosterone...please dont laugh or think no not me...it is very real and can be quite frightening because alot of its symptoms mimic depression (although it is part of low t), and there are a slew of others...just a little fyi that may help!

not a clue...

this may be something for you to peek into also. my h was so against any type of meds...then when he found some that gave a bit of relief, he was devastated when it got worse a few months down the road...
sleep problem, aches and pains, aggitation... and depression these are all big textbook symptoms of low t...


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