# I Cheated



## Ashleigh22 (Feb 25, 2021)

Hello ladies. I am new to Talk About Marriage. I figured this may help me or I may find some answers. I'm just going to start. I cheated on my fiance August 2020. He found out Feb.of this year 2021 by the guys girlfriend. She sent him every text message she could get her hands on. I have a wonderful man. I lost myself more than I had though last year and didnt know how to get out of this mind hole I was in. Even though my fiance kept trying to communicate I wasnt. The reason for that was because everytime I would go to him to vent or just talk he would always have something to say back like I was looking for a right and wrong answer which I wasnt. I just wanted him to sit and listen. So I felt myself growing away from him. We have 2 beautiful kids 8 and 4. I watched my parents divorce. I dont wish that on any child. Ever since my fiance found out, he has not left the house one time. His friends blow up his phone to come out and he just stays home and tries to talk to me which is his way of venting about the situation. He has every right to be mad upset and in his feelings. I love my man. I love my family. I made a huge mistake. I am so blessed with what I have. I have been trying to fix this. Show him how much I really do love him and our kids. Show him that it was a mistake that will never happen again. I learn from my mistakes especially if its something that will break my family apart. I deleted all of social media also so that I can focus my everything on my household. The only problem I'm having now is that the guy I cheated with, his girlfriend is now messaging my man asking if he's ok and talking about her feelings like she doesnt have friends to vent to. But if I mention to my man how this is going to get in the way as well, he says I really shouldnt be saying anything right now. But how can I fix us if he's entertained with that and social media. I know I ahve no place to say or do anything but two wrongs dont make a right. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

The problem is that you CAN’T show him it was a “mistake that will never happen again”. You destroyed his trust and he has zero faith in you. You doomed the relationship. He heard about the cheating not from you, but the AP’s Girlfriend. He’d be an idiot to trust you.

You’re wishing you could fix things. Getting off social media is a good step. But it may not be fixable.


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## Torninhalf (Nov 4, 2018)

You act like there are rules in play...there are no rules now. He can chat with anyone he likes. How long was your affair?


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## Jung_admirer (Jun 26, 2013)

I imagine you fiancée isn't interested in becoming the marriage police. You want to keep this relationship alive: 1) Tell him absolutely everything about the affair 2) Figure out how and why you gave yourself permission to betray your partner's trust 3) Show (don't tell) your partner why you will never do this again, and commit to boundaries that enforce the same... Get into experienced IC right away ... The level of mercy & grace you are asking for is rare.


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## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

For most people there is no coming back from an affair. The fact you're not married makes it easy for him to walk. If I were him I would be done done and done. I hate when someone says it was a mistake, it wasn't a mistake it was something you thought about and went through with with the full knowledge it would likely mean the end of your family. You did it hoping he wouldn't find out, if you really felt it was a huge mistake and were immediately remorseful you would have been the one to tell him. He found out from a third party. All bad, no good. If he's smart he will know a person who cheats once is a major risk to cheat again. I am guessing most serial cheaters tell their SO that they will never do it again. So anything you say likely means nothing to him. You're smart to show him through actions but you will have to just hope he buys what you are selling.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Ashleigh22 said:


> Hello ladies. I am new to Talk About Marriage. I figured this may help me or I may find some answers. I'm just going to start. I cheated on my fiance August 2020. He found out Feb.of this year 2021 by the guys girlfriend. She sent him every text message she could get her hands on. I have a wonderful man. I lost myself more than I had though last year and didnt know how to get out of this mind hole I was in. Even though my fiance kept trying to communicate I wasnt. The reason for that was because everytime I would go to him to vent or just talk he would always have something to say back like I was looking for a right and wrong answer which I wasnt. I just wanted him to sit and listen. So I felt myself growing away from him. We have 2 beautiful kids 8 and 4. I watched my parents divorce. I dont wish that on any child. Ever since my fiance found out, he has not left the house one time. His friends blow up his phone to come out and he just stays home and tries to talk to me which is his way of venting about the situation. He has every right to be mad upset and in his feelings. I love my man. I love my family. I made a huge mistake.
> 
> *No, it was a choice/decision you made. You knew by you’re experience as a child but blew up your life/family anyway perhaps like most thinking you’d never get caught.*
> 
> ...


When you open the infidelity door you have no control on what comes out of it. Do not try marriage counseling as that field is full of morons that can cause more damage than help.

Right now you probably have regrets at getting caught not true remorse. Which is what really counts in these situations.

Good luck, you sound sincere but only time will tell.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

Does he know the timelines and every aspect of the affair? if not have you both sat down to talk about it? as in therapy? i am not surprised she is reaching out to him after all who knows more about what she is going through than him, and that is not uncommon, they get together to check to make sure they have uncovered everything...which i go back to my first question...this is not a time to hide this. BTW let me tell you how a guy thinks, when our SO comes to us to talk we instantly go into fix it mode, we are (most of us) are wired that way...where you broke down in communication is you should have started by saying sit down and just listen i do not need to fix i just want to vent.


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## Benbutton (Oct 3, 2019)

Ashleigh22 said:


> I know I ahve no place to say or do anything but two wrongs dont make a right. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.


Yeah well you reap what you sow. Let's face it, you're only sorry because you were caught and you really didn't mind screwing around behind his back. Your relationship is over, he already has a bond forming with the woman who outed you.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Look I am going to try to help you because I think you have posted her in good faith, but you are not even close to being on the right track yet. Yes it will be hard to read but if you can't get through this post, then break up with your SO now because what you are about to go through is going to be a lot harder then reading this post. You may think you safe but unless you really get to work you are going to lose everything. Not trying to be mean just stating the facts.

Do not marry, right now you are in no position to be a good wife to him.

First off don't call it a mistake ever again. A mistake is forgetting to buy something from the store. Letting water over boil. What you did is spousal abuse, period. To someone who just had that happen to them calling it mistake just continues the disrespect and gaslighting that your affair was. Seriously it's like if your spouse punches you in the face and then later says, "well I know it was wrong but I was really mad because she talked to me that way". Nah uh un. You did "lose" yourself, you had enough awareness to lie to him and plan and scheme so you were not lost. 

Your words make you seem like a passive victim. You are not the victim your affairs partners girl and your SO are. This was a series of choices to betray and lie to your family ONLY because you were selfish and it felt good at the time. You could have done any number of other things. I say your family because your kids might not be from a divorced family yet but they are certianlly living in a broken one at the present time. You did that. 

Understand Infidelity is a reflection on your character not on your SO. You could have done any number of other things to fix this. You could have reached out to a girlfriend for comfort. The one hope is you can improve your character and it's not too late to change your life though.

I mean even your excuse almost makes you seem worse. So you were depressed and tried to vent, he tried to help you in good faith but you wanted him to listen. So what you are saying is he didn't help you the way you wanted in your depression so you decided the best way to deal with it was to screw another man? After years and kids with this guy? That is really what you are trying to say is the reason? Why would anyone want to waste there time with someone whose loyalty is that fickle? The first thought would be the next time she is having trouble and I don't give her the right answers will she cheat again?

YOU NEED TO DO BETTER. I mean why shouldn't he talk to this other women, she didn't cheat on him and they have this terrible pain in common. She is much safer then you are right now. And is now trying to comfort him. You are blaming him for your abuse of him. 

It is abuse, and it feels like it. What you did is way more painful then you are giving it credit for. Everyone who is cheated on say it changes them for life. It's compared to the fall out to going to war. Read here.

I have read 100s of post were people who were raped say it was worse then that. Not everyone believes that but there is enough to at least put it's in the same conversation.

Speaking of that, we have just in the last 5 year been talking about informed consent. Well this works very much like that. This is removing someones ability to have emotionally consent to their future of their life. Because what it is really about is preventing your SO from making and informed choice about their life and future. They have no idea who they are in a relationship with. It's about taking away their agency in their life. Which is why honesty is the only way to put it back.

If you had sex with this guy and then with your husband you also put him at risk of STD's and even death.

Stop calling it a mistake.

You are going to have to do like 200x better then that to have a chance.

Read the book - Not just friends.

Make a detailed timeline of everything you did. The timeline is about giving him the truth back so that he now can make informed choices about his future. Don't hide stuff because it will only make it worse. Be as truthful as possible. Hold off on the sexual details and let him decide if he wants them, some do some don't. But again he needs the truth. 

Then get some professional counseling - At the very least you need better coping skills, but there may be other past trauma's that shaped bad patterns in your decision making that lead to this. 

You need to figure out why you allowed yourself to abuse someone you say you love. If you can't do this for him do this for yourself because until you do you will continue to ruin your life, and be toxic to everyone around you.

Why were you not loyal?

Why didn't you feel empathy for him?

Why didn't you feel guilt?

Do you really love him? Your actions say that you don't. Maybe you don't. That is awful but he is better of not being with you if you don't, and right now from your actions this is where you are. 

Why do you really want to be with him? It can't be because it's the safest choice. It's just too much work to fix this. Neither one of you should be stuck in a dead relationship. 

You will never get back the old relationship or have the relationship you might have had. If you work really hard then maybe you can one that he will be willing to stay with.

But even if it's not him, this is about who you are going to be as a person. You have forgotten that you are competing with other women. In your SO's case, you are competing with your boyfriend's partner right now, but also every other women women going forward. None of them will have cheated on him, some (like your boyfriends girlfriend) will have been cheated on and will understand his pain and is much more empathetic then you are being when you still call your abuse a mistake.

But even if you don't make it and it's the next guy, if he asks you if you ever cheated are you going to start your relationship off buy lying about that? How can you have a good relationship is you can't be honest. How can you have a good relationship if you are not authentic? If you are going to tell the truth which you should how will you reassure him that you won't do it again. Which is going to be the next question.

Finally right now something is broken with your empathy, time for you to look at what you really did -

Read here and imagine that your fiance is posting.

But then you need to fix it so you never do it again, if not for your family for your own future.

Now I doubt that was the post you were looking for, but it's the best advice you will get.


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## Yoni (Feb 7, 2021)

You already says yourself..I cheated..it says everything about yourself.


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## joannacroc (Dec 17, 2014)

sokillme said:


> Stop calling it a mistake.


This. It's important that you understand what you did. A mistake implies it was something that just happened to you. It didn't just happen to you with no action on your part, like tripping up and knocking over a glass of water. You chose to make a myriad of choices and YOU and only you are responsible for those decisions. That is something you need to come to terms with if you have a prayer of helping your fiance to come to terms with what has happened to him. You need to recognize and accept that you made those choices and think long and hard about WHY you chose that way. Why did you contact your affair partner? You knew that meeting up with him (I assume without the knowledge of your fiance or without him present) was wrong but you chose to do that. Sex didn't just happen, I would imagine you probably kissed first, and you made a decision about that whether to accept it or initiate it whichever way it happened. You made a decision not to come clean to your fiance. Why did you feel ok with cheating on your fiance? Why that person? What made you make that choice? And if it happened more than once, why? 

It's not us trying to punish you, it's that you need to truly understand that what is happening now is a direct consequence of your choices. Be willing and ready to tell him whatever he asks, without sugar coating or justifying it. Tell him the real reason why if he asks. Tell him the details if he asks. And whatever you do, do not lie. Make it clear you want to work on things if that's what you want. Ask if he will consider counseling. Put marriage aside for now. It's not a decision you want to make while either of you are recovering from your betrayal and the fallout. If he makes the decision to give counseling a shot, be ready for the fact that he may not trust or forgive you and that is his right. 

If he considers giving it a shot, you need to realize you will be responsible for earning back his trust - that means whatever boundaries he sets, you will have to accomodate him - from giving him the password to your phone, to showing him communcations you had with the person you cheated with. Do not delete or hold back anything. It will ultimately sabbotage whatever trust you are trying to regain.


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## VladDracul (Jun 17, 2016)

Ashleigh22 said:


> I lost myself more than I had though last year and didnt know how to get out of this mind hole I was in. Even though my fiance kept trying to communicate I wasnt. The reason for that was because everytime I would go to him to vent or just talk he would always have something to say back like I was looking for a right and wrong answer which I wasnt. I just wanted him to sit and listen.


Two of the many things I've learned about chicks in a committed relationship during my years of servicing woman and you just provided a little more confirmation:

A. Even though they'd never admit it, chicks in a mind hole, as you put it, are easier to get in the sack because they believe a new man will alleviate their problem; Hence why many woman want to go "bar hopping" or otherwise have access to men when facing a difficulty.
B. A man can learn more and get more puzzy by listening rather than talking. I learned early on a man can be way more successful letting a chick unknowingly talk her way into his bed, than for him to try to talk her into his bed. Allowing a chick to talk to draws her closer to the male she's talking to. She will eventually, and with a few carefully worded question from her male audience, turn the conversation toward problems with her mate. A slick male will allow her to keep talking her way further into the quick sand.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

I would add it's not a time for marriage counseling, or couples counseling because, first off you really aren't a couple right now. Your loyalties are with this other guy who you picked over you SO. He can't do that with you until he has faith in you, right now you have no foundation. You have to earn that back. And going to marriage counseling implies that your cheating was a product of the marriage. Cheating is a product of the person who cheats poor character.

The counselor will try to save the marriage at all cost as that is the presumed point, but the cost may be him. She may even blame him for your cheating (which happens all the time). If that happens you may never recover from that.

Again fix yourself. He needs counseling to help him heal, and then you can address problems that may be real in the relationship.


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

Be honest, did you not enjoy having sex with the POSOM? As others are saying you are really sorry that you got caught. Also you seem to have some kind of excuse for you doing it (blaming him). That is not good. Also, as other will shortly point out, this was not a mistake - it was a deliberate and informed choice (a mistake is putting salt in your tea instead of sugar).


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

VladDracul said:


> Two of the many things I've learned about chicks in a committed relationship during my years of servicing woman and you just provided a little more confirmation:
> 
> A. Even though they'd never admit it, chicks is a mind hole, as you put it, are easier to get in the sack because they believe a new man will alleviate their problem; Hence why many woman want to go "bar hopping" or otherwise have access to men when facing a difficulty.
> B. A man can learn more and get more puzzy by listening rather than talking. I learned early on a man can be way more successful letting a chick unknowingly talk her way into his bed, than for him to try to talk her into his bed. Allowing a chick to talk to draws her closer to the male she's talking to. She will eventually, and with a few carefully worded question from her male audience, turn the conversation toward problems with her mate. A slick male will allow her to keep talking her was further into the quick sand.


Yep. 

I wonder if you heard this -

He doesn't appreciate you but I do. He doesn't know you like I do. 

That's how it starts.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Another thing that is telling is that your motivation to reach out seems to be the fear that this other women might have him. Why didn't you reach out before? You didn't reach out when he was suffering just now when you see you are going to lose him. 

Do you really love this guy? Really? What at present shows that?


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## Manner1067 (Feb 22, 2021)

What I am trying to figure out here, is why you have two children 8 & 4 and you are not married already? How long have you been engaged?

Marriage provides a lot of legal and social protections for children, bestows stability, and is better for the kid's emotional health than having some nebulous relationship with a live-in boyfriend who seems to be a perpetual fiance. Or maybe I am missing something? (kids are from previous marriages?)


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## TXTrini (Oct 2, 2013)

Ashleigh22 said:


> Hello ladies. I am new to Talk About Marriage. I figured this may help me or I may find some answers. I'm just going to start. I cheated on my fiance August 2020. He found out Feb.of this year 2021 by the guys girlfriend. She sent him every text message she could get her hands on. I have a wonderful man. I lost myself more than I had though last year and didnt know how to get out of this mind hole I was in. Even though my fiance kept trying to communicate I wasnt. The reason for that was because everytime I would go to him to vent or just talk he would always have something to say back like I was looking for a right and wrong answer which I wasnt. I just wanted him to sit and listen. So I felt myself growing away from him. We have 2 beautiful kids 8 and 4. I watched my parents divorce. I dont wish that on any child. Ever since my fiance found out, he has not left the house one time. His friends blow up his phone to come out and he just stays home and tries to talk to me which is his way of venting about the situation. He has every right to be mad upset and in his feelings. I love my man. I love my family. I made a huge mistake. I am so blessed with what I have. I have been trying to fix this. Show him how much I really do love him and our kids. Show him that it was a mistake that will never happen again. I learn from my mistakes especially if its something that will break my family apart. I deleted all of social media also so that I can focus my everything on my household. The only problem I'm having now is that the guy I cheated with, his girlfriend is now messaging my man asking if he's ok and talking about her feelings like she doesnt have friends to vent to. But if I mention to my man how this is going to get in the way as well, he says I really shouldnt be saying anything right now. But how can I fix us if he's entertained with that and social media. I know I ahve no place to say or do anything but two wrongs dont make a right. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.


You've already been given excellent advice by sokillme, so I'm not going to rehash.

Some things to consider:
1. You didn't tell him, _he _found out - you're in damage control mode
2. You are an ineffective communicator, conflict-avoidant, can't deal with criticism 
3. You threw your kids under the bus instead of not wanting to repeat a divorce cycle 
4. You have no empathy - your bf found out recently and you're critical of him not leaving the house
5. You're not remorseful - you can't take your b/f's reaction, you're uncomfortable, it's still all about _you_
6. Unless you have a cavernous vagina any man can trip and fall into, cheating was not a mistake, it was intentional
7. You're trying to get him to view you in a better light instead of addressing why you are disloyal to him and your children
8. You are a hypocrite - So you screwed someone else, but it bugs you that both betrayed SOs are communicating and finding common ground.
9. You are entitled and have double standards - you expect your bf to behave better than you have

You are quite right, two wrongs don't make a right. Look, you say you love your fiance and kids, but you have not acted with love or consideration for their well-being. Everything is about you and your needs and what makes you uncomfortable and makes things right for YOU.

If you're serious about "fixing things", fix yourself, go see a therapist and try to deal with your issues. If you don't, all your good intentions mean nothing, you'll create a wake of destruction in every relationship and your children will hate you.


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## marko polo (Jan 26, 2021)

Ashleigh22 said:


> Hello ladies. I am new to Talk About Marriage. I figured this may help me or I may find some answers. I'm just going to start. I cheated on my fiance August 2020. He found out Feb.of this year 2021 by the guys girlfriend. She sent him every text message she could get her hands on. I have a wonderful man. I lost myself more than I had though last year and didnt know how to get out of this mind hole I was in. Even though my fiance kept trying to communicate I wasnt. The reason for that was because everytime I would go to him to vent or just talk he would always have something to say back like I was looking for a right and wrong answer which I wasnt. I just wanted him to sit and listen. So I felt myself growing away from him. We have 2 beautiful kids 8 and 4. I watched my parents divorce. I dont wish that on any child. Ever since my fiance found out, he has not left the house one time. His friends blow up his phone to come out and he just stays home and tries to talk to me which is his way of venting about the situation. He has every right to be mad upset and in his feelings. I love my man. I love my family. I made a huge mistake. I am so blessed with what I have. I have been trying to fix this. Show him how much I really do love him and our kids. Show him that it was a mistake that will never happen again. I learn from my mistakes especially if its something that will break my family apart. I deleted all of social media also so that I can focus my everything on my household. The only problem I'm having now is that the guy I cheated with, his girlfriend is now messaging my man asking if he's ok and talking about her feelings like she doesnt have friends to vent to. But if I mention to my man how this is going to get in the way as well, he says I really shouldnt be saying anything right now. But how can I fix us if he's entertained with that and social media. I know I ahve no place to say or do anything but two wrongs dont make a right. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.


Two wrongs don't make a right but they do even the playing field.

You sound like a typical cheater. You made a "mistake" but want to avoid consequences. You didn't make a mistake you made many, many decisions and told many lies to indulge in your affair. Forgetting to buy milk on the way home is a mistake.

" I love my man. I love my family" Not enough apparently you indulged in an affair and were caught.

"I learn from my mistakes especially if its something that will break my family apart". This is laughable. *Your cheating already broke your family apart. You chose to break your family apart to indulge in sex with another.*

When you had a choice to make, stay loyal or cheat what did you choose - to cheat. You now have no credibility and no claim to your fiancée's loyalty or consideration..

You can't fix this. "_I know I have no place to say or do anything_." You better repeat this till you accept it. The harder you try to mate guard the farther away you will push your betrayed fiancée. If you want to keep your fiancée you will have to demonstrate what it is you bring to the table that he can't find with another woman. Loyalty, fidelity and truthfulness are already off the table.

Going forward, If your fiancée remains a loyal and loving father to your children, I suggest you prepare to co parent only. I don't see marriage in your future.


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## AndStilliRise (Nov 9, 2020)

Ashleigh22 said:


> Hello ladies. I am new to Talk About Marriage. I figured this may help me or I may find some answers. I'm just going to start. I cheated on my fiance August 2020. He found out Feb.of this year 2021 by the guys girlfriend. She sent him every text message she could get her hands on. I have a wonderful man. I lost myself more than I had though last year and didnt know how to get out of this mind hole I was in. Even though my fiance kept trying to communicate I wasnt. The reason for that was because everytime I would go to him to vent or just talk he would always have something to say back like I was looking for a right and wrong answer which I wasnt. I just wanted him to sit and listen. So I felt myself growing away from him. We have 2 beautiful kids 8 and 4. I watched my parents divorce. I dont wish that on any child. Ever since my fiance found out, he has not left the house one time. His friends blow up his phone to come out and he just stays home and tries to talk to me which is his way of venting about the situation. He has every right to be mad upset and in his feelings. I love my man. I love my family. I made a huge mistake. I am so blessed with what I have. I have been trying to fix this. Show him how much I really do love him and our kids. Show him that it was a mistake that will never happen again. I learn from my mistakes especially if its something that will break my family apart. I deleted all of social media also so that I can focus my everything on my household. The only problem I'm having now is that the guy I cheated with, his girlfriend is now messaging my man asking if he's ok and talking about her feelings like she doesnt have friends to vent to. But if I mention to my man how this is going to get in the way as well, he says I really shouldnt be saying anything right now. But how can I fix us if he's entertained with that and social media. I know I ahve no place to say or do anything but two wrongs dont make a right. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.


I have zero respect for cheaters. There is nothing to excuse it. You have broken his trust in the most intimate way and your relationship will never be what it once was. If he hasn't left yet, he should.


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## FlaviusMaximus (Jan 10, 2012)

Ashleigh22 said:


> I have a wonderful man. I lost myself more than I had though last year and didnt know how to get out of this mind hole I was in. Even though my fiance kept trying to communicate I wasnt. The reason for that was because everytime I would go to him to vent or just talk he would always have something to say back like I was looking for a right and wrong answer which I wasnt. I just wanted him to sit and listen. So I felt myself growing away from him.


You grew away from him because he was communicating and trying to help you solve problems?
I'm sorry, that's what men do. Most women I'd think would want a guy who is attentive and trying to help. This seems like an excuse to me. It also seems to suggest that a long term relationship with you would be a veritable minefield of potential missteps that might send you into another relationship. Who would want that kind of pressure? That's something you better sort out by being honest with yourself, I don't believe your description above is an honest one. 

I would quit referring to him as "my man" clearly he doesn't feel like he is and clearly you aren't treating him like he is. You seem sincere on wanting to work this out, if I were you I'd offer to see a marriage counselor by myself to show him I was trying to get my head on straight and hope that helped. As another poster said, you didn't make a mistake, this was a deliberate betrayal and your excuse seems sketchy at best. You have kids on top of that? That's a big hill to climb.


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## hinterdir (Apr 17, 2018)

Ashleigh22 said:


> Hello ladies. I am new to Talk About Marriage. I figured this may help me or I may find some answers. I'm just going to start. I cheated on my fiance August 2020. He found out Feb.of this year 2021 by the guys girlfriend. She sent him every text message she could get her hands on. I have a wonderful man. I lost myself more than I had though last year and didnt know how to get out of this mind hole I was in. Even though my fiance kept trying to communicate I wasnt. The reason for that was because everytime I would go to him to vent or just talk he would always have something to say back like I was looking for a right and wrong answer which I wasnt. I just wanted him to sit and listen. So I felt myself growing away from him. We have 2 beautiful kids 8 and 4. I watched my parents divorce. I dont wish that on any child. Ever since my fiance found out, he has not left the house one time. His friends blow up his phone to come out and he just stays home and tries to talk to me which is his way of venting about the situation. He has every right to be mad upset and in his feelings. I love my man. I love my family. I made a huge mistake. I am so blessed with what I have. I have been trying to fix this. Show him how much I really do love him and our kids. Show him that it was a mistake that will never happen again. I learn from my mistakes especially if its something that will break my family apart. I deleted all of social media also so that I can focus my everything on my household. The only problem I'm having now is that the guy I cheated with, his girlfriend is now messaging my man asking if he's ok and talking about her feelings like she doesnt have friends to vent to. But if I mention to my man how this is going to get in the way as well, he says I really shouldnt be saying anything right now. But how can I fix us if he's entertained with that and social media. I know I ahve no place to say or do anything but two wrongs dont make a right. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.


Your guy would be wise to just end it with you and move on. 
He would really be an idiotic to try and stay with you....you've ruined the relationship you two had. 
If you have kids than this can just join the other millions of 2 family homes out in the world. 
The kids can grow up with mommy and daddy not together and they should know mommy cheated on daddy.


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