# Ladies, man trying to learn about myself



## bobsmith (Oct 15, 2012)

Seems I will be single soon. I am trying to get a handle on that right now. There are a few questions I have to learn what YOU might value in a partner. I will sort of go through who I am. Please be honest. Ain't gunna hurt my feelings any more right now. 

I am someone that tends to be authoritative by nature. I am NOT a controlling person with my SO, just if a decision needs made, I collect data and make a decision. 

I am an engineer so I have serious fix-it-itis. There is nothing I don;t fix, TVs, cars, plumbing, electrical, I do it all. I help around the house to an extent. I would NOT consider myself Mr Mom. I do some cooking. I do help with some cleaning, kitchen work, laundry, etc, but not consistently. I try but I sometimes need reminded. I am a grill and smoker master so I cook there a LOT in the warmer months. 

I am 6ft (with shoes), 205lbs. I have an athletic build but have a few extra lbs right now. I have gotten a little lazy in my bad times but I like things clean and tight. Clutter makes my brain hurt. 

I was looking around online at women's dating profiles and MANY say they want "a man that is driven", and "I like to travel". I also see "will spend time with me". Very confusing and I would like to better understand why ALL these profiles are similar? You want a guy that works constantly AND spends all his time with you....got it....


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

How do you get "works constantly" out of "driven"? Not the same thing, not to me anyway.

For me, I want a man who is "driven" to be with me, to have great sex with me, and to be his own best self. Nothing about a career comes in mind, I could care less...and in fact, would avoid anyone who works too much or seems to.


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## bobsmith (Oct 15, 2012)

Maybe I don't understand what "driven" means in these profiles.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

It usually won't mean "driven to work all the time". 

Are you passionate about anything?


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

bobsmith said:


> Maybe I don't understand what "driven" means in these profiles.


It's code for "employed" vs. lazy bum who will sit on my couch watching tv because he can't afford cable or beer.


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## bobsmith (Oct 15, 2012)

See, one says employment, the other says nothing to do with employment. 

I am not yet sure what women will think of me. I have about every penny I have sunk into my business in equipment. I am far from "not passionate about anything". My ex seemed to think I needed to just go get a j.o.b. and be a worker bee. I am an entrepreneur by fault.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Ok we'll break it down for you:

If you don't have steady income, women will assume you are a slacker.

So if you don't have steady income - - I would suggest you look for women's profiles who are not career women, who don't value money and material things. There are women like this so you just have to look with that in mind.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

bobsmith said:


> See, one says employment, the other says nothing to do with employment.
> 
> I am not yet sure what women will think of me. I have about every penny I have sunk into my business in equipment. I am far from "not passionate about anything". My ex seemed to think I needed to just go get a j.o.b. and be a worker bee. I am an entrepreneur by fault.


If you're talking dating sites, most women will likely mean employed and not a free-loader. Because they've run into plenty of free-loaders on dating sites and have had that bad experience. 

There's nothing wrong with owning your own business. Unless all of your time is devoted to it. There is a line between driven/ambitious/employed and workaholic with no time to spend with a woman.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

You're choosing to put words in their mouths, virtually speaking. They say "willing ( or wants) to spend time with me", and you chose to read "has to spend every non-working hour with me". When probably they mean that in their last relationship, they were with a guy that chose to spend his spare time out in the bar with their buddies or playing video games...

My advice... Look at the profiles as a very superficial brochure. You know, like a realtor does for a 100 year old house. It's good for attracting attention, but not much more. They aren't going to list all their flaws. You need to dig those out by meeting for coffee and then dating. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bobsmith (Oct 15, 2012)

Well, I guess employment could be a question. I own my home, I pay all the housing and utility bills, my truck is paid for, my motorcycle is paid for, etc. I have some risk in what I am doing in business but I am trying to set myself up for a better future. My ex apparently does not accept this and just wants an 8-5'r with a W-2, and 401K. I have met women that seem very intrigued with what I do but I always question how long that could last... In 3-4 years, I should be able to set the cruise control BUT I don't really want to be single that long and was really hoping to have my BETTER half work through all this with me so I can see the REAL woman. 

It seems easy and obvious that if you throw enough money at a woman, they accept. PLENTY of prime examples out there. I want to make sure I have someone that can look past the cash. 

Regarding spending time with an SO, I kind of avoided that probably 12yrs ago because I was young and wanted to party and did not want to be tied down. Now I am pretty accepting to family life and actually prefer family time over about anything.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Btw, why the need to go from one relationship to the next ASAP? Spend some time working on yourself, first. Become happy with who you are, and satisfied that you don't NEED a relationship to be whole. Then see if someone who makes your life even more complete pops into your world.

C


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## Mo42 (Jul 25, 2013)

Listen Bob, I am about to be divorced and my wife and I have both considered ourselves single since this decision was made. I spent about 5 weeks working on myself intensely. What you need to do is worry about yourself, workout, make good decisions, act with integrity and kindness and not give a sh*t what anyone else thinks b/c if you do these things and have confidence in yourself, the ladies will show up eventually. 

Trust me on this.


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## bobsmith (Oct 15, 2012)

That seems to be the common chat is to "be single and happy". Is it really that odd to desire to not be single? I don't plan to mope around being single but I guess I prefer married. To the right person that is. 

I think my biggest issue in life is that I dated a 10 early in high school. I screwed that up just being stupid and never did open up to her. We had a very solid bond. To this day, I have compared everyone I know to her. They don't measure up. I have to learn to move well past that thinking!! I sound mental now.....Good thing it is the Inet... lol


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

bobsmith said:


> That seems to be the common chat is to "be single and happy". Is it really that odd to desire to not be single? I don't plan to mope around being single but I guess I prefer married. To the right person that is.
> 
> I think my biggest issue in life is that I dated a 10 early in high school. I screwed that up just being stupid and never did open up to her. We had a very solid bond. To this day, I have compared everyone I know to her. They don't measure up. I have to learn to move well past that thinking!! I sound mental now.....Good thing it is the Inet... lol


Good luck with dating and relationships if every woman you meet is being compared to a time-fogged memory of a 10 from high school. The real women in your life have no chance to compare to that.

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

bobsmith said:


> Maybe I don't understand what "driven" means in these profiles.


Driven = not a lazy slob looking for a "mommy" to pick up after him

Someone that has energy to do things/travel, has goals in his life, fixes things that need fixing, etc.


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## bobsmith (Oct 15, 2012)

I agree. I think my lack of closure on that did a number on me way back and kept me out of dating for quite a while. I have never told anyone, even my MC that. 

I know my best friend has memory of someone else in his past that he thought was a good match for him so this can't be all that uncommon?


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

Mo42 said:


> Listen Bob, I am about to be divorced and my wife and I have both considered ourselves single since this decision was made. I spent about 5 weeks working on myself intensely. What you need to do is worry about yourself, workout, make good decisions, act with integrity and kindness and not give a sh*t what anyone else thinks b/c if you do these things and have confidence in yourself, the ladies will show up eventually.
> 
> Trust me on this.


Sounds like 'Mo' has found his 'Jo'!  :smthumbup:


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

There's a big difference between "having memories" and "women can't compare"...

Personally, I don't think I have any issues with that. But my STBXW was my first real relationship (red flag #1, btw)...

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

bob...This is very counter-intuitive, but some people who idolize a past partner and don't allow anyone else to "compare" are actually emotionally unavailable themselves, and they focus on "the one who got away" in order to avoid real intimacy in the present.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

All power to you for wanting to learn about yourself but perhaps you can look at it from the other side as well.

Learn about women. You have said that throwing cash at them is what most women want, wrong. All people are different, all women are different, this knowledge will take you a long way. The only common thing among women is their gender, don't fall into the no win trap of thinking we are all the same or you will never get to really know the person inside.

I would hate it if a man thought that cash was the answer, I have enough of my own and am proud of how hard I work and what I have built up.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

bobsmith said:


> I was looking around online at women's dating profiles and MANY say they want "a man that is driven", and "I like to travel". I also see "will spend time with me". Very confusing and I would like to better understand why ALL these profiles are similar? You want a guy that works constantly AND spends all his time with you....got it....


"Will spend time with me" is not the same as "spends ALL his time with me." The latter would be annoying as fvck, for either gender. 

I dated a guy once who was so freakin available. All the time, available. And that is a beautiful thing, but when I have worked all day and come home from a lecture and it's 11 at night and you haven't done jack all day waiting around for me... that is not going to turn me on.

Healthy balance.


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## bobsmith (Oct 15, 2012)

thanks for the reply. yes, I really would like to learn more. However, historically you can always go look at very wealthy men. They are NEVER with average women their own age. I know an oil guy that went and bought a bride..... no kidding! However, the men allow it so.....


To be honest, I really do want to bring someone into my life before it all changes so I can know they are in it truly for better and worse. My situation of a family of 4 in a 2bd/1ba house right now just does not bother me because I have faith in what I am doing. My ex "needs her space". Apparently I need someone that also likes to cuddle cuz this house is cozy. 

How do you weed out the money *****s? I almost want to just say on the first date, "I live in a small tree house, are you cool with that?"


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Well start of by not thinking about them as *****es, they are simply people with a different agenda. Let go of the negative.

IME life after divorce has slightly different parameters. When we are young money is not such an issue, many couple build up their asset pool together, whether they both do paid work or one is a stay at home parent, they have a common goal.
Later in life it is prudent to find a partner that is your financial equal. So if you are out dating then go for the women that are your equal. If you have wealth then she needs to have her own.

Dating is the time you find these things out about a person. A good attitude will carry you a long way, get rid of the negativity you have about women. If you can't do that then maybe it would be good to spend time on yourself for awhile.


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## DvlsAdvc8 (Feb 15, 2012)

bobsmith said:


> Maybe I don't understand what "driven" means in these profiles.


*pulls out handy dandy femalese translator* (TM)

"driven" = "I don't want a bum."

"I like to travel" = "I want someone financially secure, not struggling paycheck to paycheck; traveling breaks up the monotony of day to day life where people tend to disconnect. By traveling, we can share new experiences and stay close to each other."

"Will spend time with me" = "Include me. Don't get in a habit of disappearing to do your own thing."


All three combined = "Don't want no scrub."

Don't look at me... that's what the translator says.


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## bobsmith (Oct 15, 2012)

Ah, I was right. "likes to travel" = must have money to date me. 

If men listed out their demands in these profiles, we would get banned. 

Must not have a gag reflex, must be available most of the time, must be willing to try MOST things, must keep a clean house, must know your way around the kitchen. 

Hell, I would say struggling paycheck to paycheck is half of america whether they take vacations or not.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Good luck Bob, you're gonna need it.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Hey, your female translator is pretty good, Dvls.



bobsmith said:


> thanks for the reply. yes, I really would like to learn more. However, historically you can always go look at very wealthy men. They are NEVER with average women their own age. * I know an oil guy that went and bought a bride..... no kidding!*


Any woman who would be interested in a man who "buys brides" has probably got a few screws loose or is in serious need of a visa/citizenship. 

Lame.


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## DvlsAdvc8 (Feb 15, 2012)

bobsmith said:


> Ah, I was right. "likes to travel" = must have money to date me.


Yes, but that's a heavily negative spin you're putting on it. What most of them mean is simply "responsible with money", not cash strapped can't do squat because they just bought a new Xbox, an 80" tv, a car to show off that they can't really afford, and still have debt from their motorcycle and last tv.

Do you want an financially irresponsible high maintenance woman? Probably not. Pretty much the same.

Few women I've met have been interested in me for money alone, and truthfully, they're easy to pick out.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Holland said:


> Learn about women. *You have said that throwing cash at them is what most women want, wrong*. All people are different, all women are different, this knowledge will take you a long way. The only common thing among women is their gender, *don't fall into the no win trap of thinking we are all the same* or you will never get to really know the person inside.
> 
> *I would hate it if a man thought that cash was the answer*, I have enough of my own and am proud of how hard I work and what I have built up.



Great post, Holland.

I have been with the Cash Thrower Guy. The "Things" Guy. The guy who thought that just because he could BUY me things and HAD things and ACQUIRED things, then I should just be greatful at all that he was with me and that money solved all problems.

Fck that. 

Not all women want MONEY. I mean, money is nice, don't get me wrong, and I certainly wouldn't want a BUM but that is because I am NOT a bum. I also work very hard for what I have and can support myself, own my own home and am busy between my work, hobbies, etc. 

The THINGS men actually turn me off. Anyone who thinks they can't spend time getting to know you because they have a little bit of this and that is a loser in my opinion.


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## DvlsAdvc8 (Feb 15, 2012)

Jellybeans said:


> Hey, your female translator is pretty good, Dvls.


It was a parting gift when I finally got out of friend zone hell. That sucker was EARNED! Although, it gets buggy sometimes... once in awhile it can't seem to make up its mind about the meaning.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

DvlsAdvc8 said:


> It was a parting gift when I finally got out of friend zone hell. That sucker was EARNED!


Ah, the Friend Zone. :rofl:


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## bobsmith (Oct 15, 2012)

I did learn something about myself several years ago when my SO and I had a year off. I met a very sweet doctor that was both smart and wealthy and just found my traits super great. Put it this way, she had 2 cars that were worth 6 figures. Anyway, she was just itching at the chance to buy things for us and felt we could really make a pair. I pushed her away and forgot about it. One of those things you dream about but to be honest, I found it hugely emasculating. 

I think people that know me would find it odd anyway ending up with a sugar momma. I


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

bobsmith said:


> I think my biggest issue in life is that I dated a 10 early in high school. I screwed that up just being stupid and never did open up to her. We had a very solid bond. To this day, I have compared everyone I know to her. They don't measure up. * I have to learn to move well past that thinking!! * I sound mental now lol



Yeah, you do need to learn how to move past that.

My first piece of advice is to immediately axe this. Until you stop doing this, you are going to be very disappointed. And no woman you are with is going to want to be compared to an ex of a thousand years ago.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

bobsmith said:


> I did learn something about myself several years ago when my SO and I had a year off. I met a very sweet doctor that was both smart and wealthy and just found my traits super great. Put it this way, she had 2 cars that were worth 6 figures. Anyway, she was just itching at the chance to buy things for us and felt we could really make a pair. I pushed her away and forgot about it. One of those things you dream about but to be honest, I found it hugely emasculating.
> 
> I think people that know me would find it odd anyway ending up with a sugar momma. I


Can you give her my contact info?


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## DvlsAdvc8 (Feb 15, 2012)

Jellybeans said:


> Ah, the Friend Zone. :rofl:


Yeah, it can be really insightful sometimes.

Like the other day I heard a girl say to her friend "I'd like to jump his bones!" (wasn't directed to me, was over heard)

Translator says: "That guy is really hot. I want him to talk to me, and if he's as cool as he is hot and not some d-bag, [email protected], or [email protected] with no future I'll sleep with him eventually... maybe. Omg... who is that sl*t fawning over him? He can do so much better than her. Ugh, his laugh is annoying... never mind."

I'm developing a male translator, but its proven to be quite a challenge. When I submit the phrase: "I'd like to jump her bones", it returns "I'd like to jump her bones."

Its a work in progress.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

FrenchFry said:


> Karmin - Acapella - YouTube


Pretty much, yes. That is the guy I am talking about. He was so shocked and couldn't believe when I left him and his benz and boat and his beamer. He actually told me,_ But you won't have nice *things*, Jelly, if you leave." _


I didn't want THINGS. 

By the way, that song is hilarious. LOL. Had never heard it before.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

DvlsAdvc8 said:


> Like the other day I heard a girl say to her friend "I'd like to jump his bones!" (wasn't directed to me, was over heard)
> 
> *Translator says*: "That guy is really hot. I want him to talk to me, and if he's as cool as he is hot and not some d-bag or [email protected], *I'll sleep with him eventually... maybe*."


Nope. Your translator got this one wrong. If I ever say that about a guy that means there is absolutely no room for misinterpretation: I would absolutely bang him silly.

Work in progress, these translators. I don't understand the men folk though so ... maybe I need help translating that stuff.


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## bobsmith (Oct 15, 2012)

treyvion said:


> Can you give her my contact info?



:smthumbup: I'll admit that I have looker her up a couple times but that is it. She was actually going to bail on her relationship for me. Her BF's name was Gustavo and drove a Lambo. I am not even making this stuff up. Like right out of the Movies. Now I just say "gustavo" at random times in my life for no reason. Just sounds manly......

Someone offers me something nice, it better be a high and tight Dmax with 1000lb/ft of torque at the back wheels so I can run over Gustavo....


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## DvlsAdvc8 (Feb 15, 2012)

Jellybeans said:


> Nope. Your translator got this one wrong. If I ever say that about a guy that means there is absolutely no room for misinterpretation: I would absolutely bang him silly.
> 
> Work in progress, these translators. I don't understand the men folk though so ... maybe I need help translating that stuff.


Updated the whole response... but apparently it still has you wrong. 

Complex these things are.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

bobsmith said:


> :smthumbup: I'll admit that I have looker her up a couple times but that is it. She was actually going to bail on her relationship for me. Her BF's name was Gustavo


WOW. Quite a boyfriend just from the name itself. Sounds like a lil gigilo type.



bobsmith said:


> and drove a Lambo. I am not even making this stuff up. Like right out of the Movies. Now I just say "gustavo" at random times in my life for no reason. Just sounds manly......


 Was the Lambo his money or other females? The name does give you that image of a suave debonaire guy who can bang just about any lady.



bobsmith said:


> Someone offers me something nice, it better be a high and tight Dmax with 1000lb/ft of torque at the back wheels so I can run over Gustavo....


LOL. 

See if she wants to check out a lower maintenance dude than Gustavo.

Boy where do you find ladies like that at?


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

FrenchFry said:


> I dunno, maybe if you see someone likes to travel on their profile you can...
> 
> Ask them what they mean:
> 
> ...


I read that one, too....but I thought the whole thing was just dumb.

They used a picture of a *MODEL* to create a fake profile of a girl who they made seem like a sl*t (as well as a gold digger, an idiot, etc).

And they were _surprised_ that this fake profile got 150 messages in 24 hours?

If they had used a picture of Bette Midler, they would not have gotten the same results.

Also, they could do the same experiment with a fake guy's profile and use a pic of a Tom Brady lookalike and they'd get the same numbers and types of responses.

What was so surprising about this?

Anyway....

A woman did the same type of experiment (creating fake profiles) for her own reasons (to find her own match) and wrote this book about it:

Data, A Love Story: How I Gamed Online Dating to Meet My Match: Amy Webb: 9780525953807: Amazon.com: Books

Meh...I thought it was dumb, and I don't think making fake profiles is ever really ok.

(sorry for threadjack)


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## bobsmith (Oct 15, 2012)

treyvion said:


> WOW. Quite a boyfriend just from the name itself. Sounds like a lil gigilo type.
> 
> Was the Lambo his money or other females? The name does give you that image of a suave debonaire guy who can bang just about any lady.
> 
> ...



Lambo was his. his family had even more cash... Ol Gus had quite the controlling issue though. Gus needed an adjustment.

Of all places, I had some medical questions and she is, well, in the med field. 

What a great experience though!!!

I really hope she did not end up with Gus because I guess the families were friends but that dude sounded nuts.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

It would - - I can guarantee it. Don't ask me how I know, but I do.


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## bobsmith (Oct 15, 2012)

I would like to see how many of the responses were even real!!! Seriously, I joined a couple and now get BS responses daily. None of it is real. Sort of like CL. Pick out the real ones. I responded to a few on CL followed promptly with go to "" "" address and email me.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Do you mean, how many of the guys responding to the fake girl's profile were real?


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

If that's what you mean....I'm sure about 90% of them were real.

When I have had online profiles for myself or done them for friends, we've gotten literally hundreds of responses a day. Mostly from creeps.


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## bobsmith (Oct 15, 2012)

Did you follow up?


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

bobsmith said:


> Did you follow up?


Not if they were creeps.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

FrenchFry said:


> *I also dated the other end of the spectrum: pretentious Freegan.
> More creative, but at some point stealing drinks off of other people's table is just a bad look.* Also, a little crazy.
> 
> ******* is a cesspool. :rofl:


:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: Freegan! Awesome name!


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## COGypsy (Aug 12, 2010)

FrenchFry said:


> I also dated the other end of the spectrum: pretentious Freegan.
> More creative, but at some point stealing drinks off of other people's table is just a bad look. Also, a little crazy.
> 
> ******* is a cesspool. :rofl:


Were you dating up in the People's Republic again? It's FREAKY up there! No good can come of it.....


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## Daisy2714 (Sep 22, 2013)

DvlsAdvc8 said:


> Yeah, it can be really insightful sometimes.
> 
> Like the other day I heard a girl say to her friend "I'd like to jump his bones!" (wasn't directed to me, was over heard)
> 
> ...


I am still LMAO!!! Too funny! :rofl:


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## COGypsy (Aug 12, 2010)

FrenchFry said:


> :rofl::lol: Yes, yes I was.
> 
> Good bars up there though!


Yeah, but the rule up there is "don't pick up anything you can't carry home" because you just never know what you'll end up with! :rofl:

Actually though, now that I think about it, other than a couple of football games, I don't think I've ever been out to party in Boulder. My metro area drops off sharp somewhere around Coors Field, lol.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Love your avatar, FrenchFry!


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## DvlsAdvc8 (Feb 15, 2012)

I've never known a guy who did the online dating thing and received a lot of legit messages from women. So much of it is spam.

I think I'm a fairly good looking guy and I think I received like one or two over the course of the couple months I had it. And they were both instant "no". Friends of mine report similar experiences, while women always say they get buried in messages. I'd be interested in seeing what guys are getting a lot of messages.

I think its all about the pictures. While some people may read the profile, I don't think the text makes any difference. I wrote some pretty entertaining profiles to try and show off personality and the response wasn't any better. Online dating was a total non-starter for me. Nobody messaged me, and few even respond. Everyone wants a clever, personalized message, but it was honestly not worth the time when so few respond regardless.

Guess I wasn't hot enough for the online crowd. :: sulks ::


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## DvlsAdvc8 (Feb 15, 2012)

FrenchFry said:


> I would like to see if a FakeBrady profile with the same basic dbaggery would be such a smash hit. On *******...I'd say yes.


This. Somebody do it!


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Like I mentioned...it was done in the book I linked called "Data: A Love Story". She made several different fake male profiles of tall, good looking doctors (which was what she was in the market to marry). Again, the book was stupid IMO and unethical...but it was interesting. And yes, these guys were slammed with daily messages.


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## Omego (Apr 17, 2013)

bobsmith said:


> :smthumbup: I'll admit that I have looker her up a couple times but that is it. She was actually going to bail on her relationship for me. Her BF's name was Gustavo and drove a Lambo. I am not even making this stuff up. Like right out of the Movies. Now I just say "gustavo" at random times in my life for no reason. Just sounds manly......
> 
> Someone offers me something nice, it better be a high and tight Dmax with 1000lb/ft of torque at the back wheels so I can run over Gustavo....


:rofl::rofl:


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## DvlsAdvc8 (Feb 15, 2012)

Faithful Wife said:


> Like I mentioned...it was done in the book I linked called "Data: A Love Story". She made several different fake male profiles of tall, good looking doctors (which was what she was in the market to marry). Again, the book was stupid IMO and unethical...but it was interesting. And yes, these guys were slammed with daily messages.


You misconstrued my point. I wasn't doubting you in relating my experience and that of those I know. Proving whether these guys slammed with messages exist or not is irrelevant to me. I want the details. I might check out the book... sounds like an experiment I would pull. Nice, stupid and unethical. ;P

Who are they? What do they look like? And what profile elements correlated to message frequency.

I make doctor money, and whether I listed my income or not didn't change anything tbh. Perhaps its just the "cachet" of a given title? "Doctor", "Lawyer"?

And what does it mean that most females get a ton of messages, but only the doctors and physical prototype males do?


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

I think you'd like the book for the reason you are stating, curiosity about who these guys are. 

They are fake guys, but she did also date a bunch of similar guys...so there were some real ones she talked about, too.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

bobsmith said:


> I am someone that tends to be authoritative by nature. I am NOT a controlling person with my SO, just if a decision needs made, I collect data and make a decision.


Sorry, but there is little distinction in those, to a woman. Well, let me put it this way: If a decision needs to be made, how would you go about making it? Would you bring it up to your SO, ask her what SHE would do, then ask her WHY she would do it that way, then explain what you think should be done and ask her what she thinks about your way of doing it, and then go away for a bit and honestly compare the two to see which one is the right decision?

Or do you 'see' what needs to be done and do it?


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## doubletrouble (Apr 23, 2013)

Bob, how old are you?


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

This was an amusing article about a guy making a fake girl's profile, and what happened next.

This is exactly what I have experienced. As in yeah, women get dozens of messages, but they are all creeps. When you try to tell a guy this, they seem to think you should be flattered by having an inbox full of creeps every day. Why is that flattering? It is rather disturbing actually. Men seem to think that just being wanted sexually (by complete strangers on the internet) is a compliment. Um, nope, it isn't. 


Man Poses as Woman on Online Dating Site; Barely Lasts Two Hours


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

Faithful Wife said:


> This was an amusing article about a guy making a fake girl's profile, and what happened next.
> 
> This is exactly what I have experienced. As in yeah, women get dozens of messages, but they are all creeps. When you try to tell a guy this, they seem to think you should be flattered by having an inbox full of creeps every day. Why is that flattering? It is rather disturbing actually. Men seem to think that just being wanted sexually (by complete strangers on the internet) is a compliment. Um, nope, it isn't.
> 
> ...


Many women fish for exactly this, and use it to build their ego's. They aren't going to do anything with those men, but the flattery pumps them up.


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## DvlsAdvc8 (Feb 15, 2012)

Faithful Wife said:


> Men seem to think that just being wanted sexually (by complete strangers on the internet) is a compliment. Um, nope, it isn't.


I would just like to say that women are completely welcome to send me messages with pics of their junk and lewd comments about how much they desire me. haha

Especially the pretty ones. ;P

But seriously, I don't know why a guy would pull the creep approach. It can't possibly be working for them.

I always wrote creative-humorous personalized messages and well... my response rate still sucked. One "rejection" was funny though. I got a little frustrated at not having gotten a response from this particularly charming message I sent to someone (yes, I was quite proud of how entertaining this message was - it was a good creative day and her profile gave me something to work with) - so I sent a second message basically asking why she wasn't interested or something. I was frustrated, but the second message was still all in good humor... and I was genuinely curious. She actually responded to this one. She said the first message was great and did make her laugh, but that she wasn't sure she was attracted to me or not because I was bald (totally shaved head at the time). I kept talking... she kept talking... and next thing you know I had a date with her. On that date she said it was the second message that actually hooked her - she liked how persistent I was, and thought it was almost c*cky, as if I was saying "how could you not be into me?" She ended up really liking me and I would often tease her about it. "Yeah, its too bad you turned me down". (Jokingly of course)

Completely bizarre what a woman will respond to and what a woman won't. Hilariously, she loved my personality; thought I had a nice body and sexy arms/shoulders/face... but my big bald head was something she said she "had to get used to". lol

The online thing was way too unpredictable and frustrating... no cues to read... high effort, low return (counter-intuitive right? But remember, I was writing creative little hello messages). Other times, I'd have a conversation going well and then *poof* never hear from her again inexplicably. It got old and I gave it up.

But what sticks with me was the "I wasn't sure if I was attracted to you or not". I mean, wth? I don't think I've ever seen someone I wasn't sure if I was attracted to or not. Its kind of binary. Within seconds, its "Yes", "Yes Tier II", or just flat "No". (Tier II would be like, "I'm not that into you, but if xyz fell into line, it could work.") Her indecision was a little baffling. Also, she hated what I thought was one of my best pics! But she liked the rest. haha


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Dvls said: "*I would just like to say that women are completely welcome to send me messages with pics of their junk and lewd comments about how much they desire me*."

What if they looked like Phyllis Diller and were 60 y/o? Honest question, because that is honestly what women get pics and "compliments" from (the equivalent of creeper guys). This is what guys don't really understand. I wish I could actually show you a list of the pictures of creepers in the last profile I put up.


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