# The Negligee/Teddy/Sexy Lingerie thing. Worked!



## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

Took a huge risk yesterday. I'm 63, she's 62, she doesn't have a very positive image of herself (quite overweight, low-quality post-mastectomy fake boobs, losing some hair, very LD). From another thread you might now we've been going through a bit of a rough time, but after almost 40 years of marriage, no question we get through this.

So I'm in that reminiscing mode, thinking back to the first evening I spent with her, and how she looked when she emerged from her room in this beautiful Kimono. Don't know where it went but never made it to married life a few years later. I thought... maybe try the thing where you buy your wife sexy stuff. Could totally backfire. But man, there are times when that backfire won't seem like that big a deal compared to other stuff. This was the time.

So I found a beautiful Kimono (or at least I hoped it was) available in her XL size. That was another risk. What if I got something too small? That cold be disaster. And I got a light colored lacy semi-transparent slip/camilsole/whatever they're called. And some for-effect-only lacy panties.

I made the bed, cleaned up the bedroom a bit, laid out the Kimono on the bed with the camisole & panties inside. Wrote a nice note in a card next to it. And put a single long-stem rose across it. Then I placed one of her larger robes over the top of it all, completely obscuring it. When it was time to settle down for the night, I told her to go into the bedroom, don't sit on the robe before putting it on, and nothing else. Then I waited. 

About five minutes later she comes into the family room, wearing her Kimono, and tells me she wished she could hold the rose stem with her teeth but couldn't because of the thorns.

She was floored. She said nobody had ever got her something like that. It made her feel really special. Like how I felt when I first saw her in a Kimono 42 years ago maybe. 

It all went very, very well. Don't think it could have been better. It really depended on her believing me when I tell her she's gorgeous, I love her mind, her body, her everything. And she's not the type that would normally be associated with gorgeous. But to me, she is, and to her, I think, for the first time in a while, she liked what she saw in the mirror. She told me the last time she liked what she saw in the mirror was three years ago. I'll take that as a win. I started with the more-conservative outfit; I've got a second one for maybe a week from now that goes full black lace teddy, a bit more risque, almost like pretending to be another person. What she wore last night was 100% beautiful wife.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

Well. I'm crying.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

I have often said that at any given point of almost any interaction with your partner throughout the day, you have an opportunity to build your relationship up, or chip away at it. 

Sometimes the good stuff can be so easy and so little ... and the payoff can be huge. Same can be said of the opposite.

Really glad you took a risk. Sounds like your wife is too.


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## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

NobodySpecial said:


> Well. I'm crying.


Yeah, me too.  And her. The tough part is making it last. Making her know how special she is to me and that it's an everyday thing. And that it's not just about my HD, yet I cannot deny it plays a part.



Deejo said:


> I have often said that at any given point of almost any interaction with your partner throughout the day, you have an opportunity to build your relationship up, or chip away at it.
> 
> Sometimes the good stuff can be so easy and so little ... and the payoff can be huge. Same can be said of the opposite.
> 
> Really glad you took a risk. Sounds like your wife is too.


I've often said, in many (most?) decisions you make, there may be an opportunity to make the world a bit better place, or a bit worse. Try and always choose the better. I'm certainly guilty of having done otherwise.


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## Taxman (Dec 21, 2016)

You sir, are a champion. 
Well done.

My wife is self conscious about her wrinkles. To be frank, I have never noticed them. When she points them out, I tell her that they are not wrinkles, but war wounds. Wounds from fighting the battle of everyday life. Every single one of those minor imperfections were EARNED fighting side by side with me in our foxhole.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

Taxman said:


> You sir, are a champion.
> Well done.
> 
> My wife is self conscious about her wrinkles. To be frank, I have never noticed them. When she points them out, I tell her that they are not wrinkles, but war wounds. Wounds from fighting the battle of everyday life. Every single one of those minor imperfections were EARNED fighting side by side with me in our foxhole.


That's sweet! My DH calls them smile lines because I smile so much. Not original. But it makes me... smile!


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

What a lovely thing to do.

Well done.


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## Oldtimer (May 25, 2018)

Good for you, it’s never too late to show appreciation of your spouse and you hit the nail on the head. Here’s to a much longer loving relationship.

OT


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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

NobodySpecial said:


> Well. I'm crying.


Me too! Beautiful!


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## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

But I'll have to admit to a fear that it could have been perceived as that "Yeah, right, guys buying sexy stuff for their wife, as if it's actually for the wife and not themself" type of thing. I think motivations do actually count though, and my motivation was to make my wife feel better about herself. Can't see it on the photo, but on the envelope for the card, I created a "stamp" that said "Forever Wife Stamp." A play on the "Forever" 1st class stamps. 

It did take some courage to go into a "Lingerie" store that's... well, let's just say it's next door to a store that sells only x-rated sex stuff. But I didn't give myself enough time to back out of it. Took care of things in the morning, before work. Which meant I was going in with my work short on (did remove my name tag though). Reminded me a bit of the first time I bought condoms. Was pretty nervous all day. Hey, that happened also that first time I bought condoms! 

It didn't cost much. A bunch of 10 roses was $10; I only needed one but that gave me 9 to bring home to my wife and set a nice tone, without giving anything away. Card was $4? Lingerie and camisole & panties maybe $40. And memories that will last a lot longer than any $100 dinner might. 

They tell us in business, don't waste a good crisis. Now I just have to keep things moving forward.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

That worked for me back then as well. The biggest advantage wasn't visual for us, but tactile. Silk has an unmatched feel on skin...

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## notmyjamie (Feb 5, 2019)

Casual Observer said:


> But I'll have to admit to a fear that it could have been perceived as that "Yeah, right, guys buying sexy stuff for their wife, as if it's actually for the wife and not themself" type of thing.


The trick is to make her realize that it's not that you want to see a woman in sexy stuff, it's that you want to see HER in sexy stuff which it sounds like you managed to do very nicely. 

Well done sir.


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## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

notmyjamie said:


> The trick is to make her realize that it's not that you want to see a woman in sexy stuff, it's that you want to see HER in sexy stuff which it sounds like you managed to do very nicely.
> 
> Well done sir.


Close, but not quite. I wanted her to see herself the way I see her. I wanted her to see a reflection that affirmed things she would like to believe but has been reluctant to do so, if that makes sense. It worked.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

It's amazing to me that our wives don't really understand how we love them.

My wife often says I have rose-colored glasses, but that's the way it is. Men don't really need a "perfect" body/face/etc.. and women just DON'T realize that. We love YOU -- and that counts way more than the "outside" parts.

Yes, men are visual, but love really does trump all.

Well done OP....


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## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

jlg07 said:


> It's amazing to me that our wives don't really understand how we love them.
> 
> My wife often says I have rose-colored glasses, but that's the way it is. Men don't really need a "perfect" body/face/etc.. and women just DON'T realize that. We love YOU -- and that counts way more than the "outside" parts.
> 
> ...


We, or at least some of we, are sold short. I think, for some of us, when an attractive woman catches our eye it's because there's a connection in our mind to our wife. There are certainly times my attention might be distracted, but it quickly comes to center and I don't go home thinking, why can't my wife look like that. At the same time, I've been careful not to put myself into situations where I might get too personal with a woman, develop an EA that could distract from my relationship with my wife. 

I think our wives actually do understand this. On the other hand, reading many of the posts on TAM, you wonder why some spouses are pushing their other half away. How they could possibly not understand what they're doing when they lose track of the importance of physical closeness (not saying that will be the case for all; there could be very happy LD pairings out there, nothing wrong with that). But there's so much strife about LD/HD issues. I chose, long ago, not to allow that to get too far. What I didn't understand, until recently, was how to make it clear that both of us can be happier, or should be, if the HD person isn't feeling constant rejection. Rejection is a really terrible thing. If there's a single really big mission I've taken on, it's that my wife should not feel I've rejected anything about her, or felt that I would ever stray because she wasn't the media's example of what beautiful looks like.


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## AVR1962 (May 30, 2012)

Good on you!!!!!!


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## Bluesclues (Mar 30, 2016)

What a lovely post to read. I can almost feel the joy she must have felt and the real love from you. Okay, now I am crying too. 

BUT, I would caution you on going the next step to the black lace teddy too soon. She got a self esteem boost from the kimono and giving her something else - something YOU find sexier - might diminish that, not increase it. She may take that as you not thinking she looked good enough in the kimono. Body image issues are tricky. I would suggest letting her bask in the good feelings awhile, see if she starts wearing it around without prompting. You found something she is comfortable in that makes her feel attractive and confident - don’t tamper with that.


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## Wolfman1968 (Jun 9, 2011)

Casual Observer said:


> Took a huge risk yesterday. I'm 63, she's 62, she doesn't have a very positive image of herself (quite overweight, low-quality post-mastectomy fake boobs, losing some hair, very LD). From another thread you might now we've been going through a bit of a rough time, but after almost 40 years of marriage, no question we get through this.
> 
> So I'm in that reminiscing mode, thinking back to the first evening I spent with her, and how she looked when she emerged from her room in this beautiful Kimono. Don't know where it went but never made it to married life a few years later. I thought... maybe try the thing where you buy your wife sexy stuff. Could totally backfire. But man, there are times when that backfire won't seem like that big a deal compared to other stuff. This was the time.
> 
> ...



:yay:


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

Casual Observer said:


> But I'll have to admit to a fear that it could have been perceived as that "Yeah, right, guys buying sexy stuff for their wife, as if it's actually for the wife and not themself" type of thing.


It's clear you had honorable motivations and it shows.

But even if it was "for you," that clearly sends the message you find her desirable.


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## notmyjamie (Feb 5, 2019)

Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> It's clear you had honorable motivations and it shows.
> 
> But even if it was "for you," that clearly sends the message you find her desirable.


Agreed. If a guy bought me something sexy I'd think "wow, he must think I can pull this off." I might still be insecure about whether I could or not but that's on me, not him. 

I have recently become friends with someone I dated and almost married many years ago. I was a little overweight at the time and always insecure. He recently said something about how he remembers I always wore garters and how much he loved that. At the time I wore them instead of regular pantyhose for medical reasons and always thought I was too chubby for them to be sexy. How wrong I was I guess. Now, I'm kind of retroactively feeling sexy about them. I never wear skirts anymore but maybe I should LOL


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## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

Bluesclues said:


> What a lovely post to read. I can almost feel the joy she must have felt and the real love from you. Okay, now I am crying too.
> 
> BUT, I would caution you on going the next step to the black lace teddy too soon. She got a self esteem boost from the kimono and giving her something else - something YOU find sexier - might diminish that, not increase it. She may take that as you not thinking she looked good enough in the kimono. Body image issues are tricky. I would suggest letting her bask in the good feelings awhile, see if she starts wearing it around without prompting. You found something she is comfortable in that makes her feel attractive and confident - don’t tamper with that.


Agree completely. She knows it's there. Maybe I'll wrap it up as a present and let her know she can open it whenever she wants. When she's "feeling it". 

Just so happy the Kimono itself went over so well.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Casual Observer said:


> We, or at least some of we, are sold short. I think, for some of us, when an attractive woman catches our eye it's because there's a connection in our mind to our wife.


LOL. You did real good but let's not jump the shark here... :rofl:


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

Casual Observer said:


> We, or at least some of we, are sold short. I think, for some of us, when an attractive woman catches our eye it's because there's a connection in our mind to our wife.



There is definitely a connection alright, a connection to our schwanzenstück. It’s what we do with this connection (and our schwanzenstuck) that determines our future (and that of humanity)...
Well done with the kimono. Whenever I get something for wife, the first reaction is usually “what, just me is not good enough for you? You also have to dress me up to feed your ego?”
It’s half a joke. And I’m usually half smiling (on the outside) and half crying (on the inside).
For some reason, it’s really hard to make stuff not about yourself somehow. You need a wife who has rose tinted glasses too.


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