# Married with an affair



## Casualkpr (Sep 30, 2015)

Hi. This might be a bit long, but I need to work up to my point. 

I am a 35 year old male. I have been with my wife, for almost 11 years, and married 7 years. We have 2 boys, ages 9 & 7, and a girl, aged 4. 

Our relationship was great, but started to get rocky a few years ago. I used to be a push over kind of husband. Yes dear, no dear, etc. Our sex life was great. Sex all the time. But then, slowly, It started to go down hill. Sex was so few and far between, that when we did have sex, I couldn't last very long... At all. 

After a big fight, we almost split. She went to a councillor, by herself, and we were able to fix our marriage. And our sex life was back to amazing. 

Jump to 2015. With kids in sports, and her and I working different shifts, sex started to slow down again. We never really let it bother us.

One Saturday, in January, I was at Costco,just getting a few things. I was looking at TV's. A younger woman was also looking at TV's, and had a few questions about them, so she was asking for my Imput. When we were finished, I told her to have a nice weekend, and we parted ways. She then turned around and introduced herself. I introduced myself. She then asked if she could have my cell number. I gave it to her, as I didn't want to put her on the spot by telling her I was married... Also, I was a bit... Intrigued. 

The following day, I received a text from her. We chatted back and forth for a day or two, but I was feeling guilty, and a bit of an ass, for leading her along, not knowing I was married. So, I told her the truth, and I apologized. She thanked me for being honest, but asked me why I decided to answer her text in the first place. I just told her that I was just, bored, I guess. Just, that its nice to talk to somebody that listens. 

Well, a month later, and we are still texting each other. She lives an hour away from me, but was coming into town to visit some friends and wanted to know if I wanted to meet up. My wife had gone out of town on a girls night, and the kids were at their grandparents. Intrigue got me, so we decided to meet up. We met at a look out point. I sat in her car and we chatted. I was nervous, as was she. About an hour in to the meeting, out of the blue, we kissed. It was on impulse, on both sides. We stopped, and decided we should call it a night. We talked about the meeting, and about what happened, and how we felt about it. I was a mixed bag of emotions, but most of all, I wanted more. A week later, she was back on town. We decided to meet up one night, in a different parking area. It was almost an instant, and we were all over each other. A few minutes later, we were having sex. It lasted a good 15-20 minutes before I finished. We ended up having sex 3 times in the span of 4 hours. 

Over the course of 9 months, we have met up a number of times, having sex, talking, laughing. I felt guilty every time, but couldn't stop. This was the only time I've ever had an affair. 

I recently decided to end our relationship, because I am terrified of losing my family. I love my wife, don't get me wrong. My wife and I still have sex, but it's sporadic. It's been a month, and even though we haven't seen each other in that time, I'm still extremely attracted to her. She confessed to me that she wants to be with me, but won't be second best anymore, and if I want to continue this, I have to make a choice. She's already told me that she won't tell my wife about us, we will just simply part ways, if I decide to stay wife my wife, so she can move on with her life, and I can go on with mine. 

I know I have dug my own grave here. I've come to terms with that. I am in love with this girl, but I still love my wife. I need some advice on what I should do. 

Please, be as honest and forth coming as you'd like, because God knows, I deserve it.


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## Gonecrazy (Oct 12, 2014)

Put your helmet on mate, you're about to cop it!
_Posted via Mobile Device_
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jdawg2015 (Feb 12, 2015)

Mans advice here: That woman will not work out in the end. She's an infatuation to you. And she's knowingly dating a married man. Is that the type of woman you want to be with? 

You are lucky if you've ended this and just stay away from her is best bet. Delete anything and everything about her and don't look back.

Fix your marriage and what ever is wrong with it or end the marriage. An affair partner will end up as a messed up relationship plus you'll need to recoup from leaving your wife, etc. Divorce in most cases is a very emotional process especially with kids around.


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## synthetic (Jan 5, 2012)

Well you're an assh0le but you already know that. 

Your wife will find out. Rarely any man has ever managed to escape infidelity unharmed. Women do it quite often. They're much better than men at keeping up a lie. Your odds are stacked.

The young girl will not stay with you even if you divorce your wife and marry her. Your odds are pretty sh1tty there too.

I don't know what to tell you other than "stop". It's definitely not working out for you. 

If you need motivation to let go of the girl, think of the mountain of resentment your kids will carry for the rest of their lives. We're talking decades of miserable thoughts and confusion. I wouldn't do that to them. Would you?


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## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

A few thoughts:

1. If you leave your wife and marry this girl, you already know that she doesn't care much about other people's marital fidelity. She may not care about hers either.
2. The hot sex during an affair is pretty much a given, because there is the thrill of newness and the extra thrill of danger. It is unlikely to stay that hot if it is legal.
3. It will almost certainly devastate your children.

So all in all, I don't think it will work out well for you if you leave your wife for her.


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

Obviously you need to have no more contact at all with this homewrecker. That's exactly what she is. She sought YOU out. She encouraged YOU to keep texting even though you were married. She may be young and sexy and hot in bed/back seat, but she's pure evil. Is she the example you'd want around your kids??? 

You should also confess to your wife.


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## Mostlycontent (Apr 16, 2014)

synthetic said:


> Well you're an assh0le but you already know that.
> 
> *Your wife will find out. Rarely any man has ever managed to escape infidelity unharmed. Women do it quite often. They're much better than men at keeping up a lie. Your odds are stacked.*
> 
> ...


This is totally not true. Sure, lots of women don't get caught but neither do lots of men. I knew dozens of men during my professional career that I knew were fooling around and never got caught. Point is that some people are really good liars, both women and men alike.

As to OP's issue, he needs to make a choice. Either you stay married and be a good, decent husband to his current wife or divorce and move on. You simply cannot continue to do what you're doing now......unless of course, you move to Utah and convince both women to become Mormon and be okay with your arrangement.

Hell, every married guy with a neck would love to have some squeeze on the side and have his wife be okay with it. Obviously, that's not reality. You're not the first, nor will you be the last, to desire this arrangement.

If you decide to stay married, stop what you're doing immediately and get into counseling to understand why you're doing this. Obviously, you're unhappy in the marriage otherwise you wouldn't have done this.

If you decide on your affair partner, then divorce and move on but don't drag this out indefinitely. That's just cruel to your wife and children.

Look, I've been married for thirty years. If you don't think the thought of some hot young thing hasn't crossed my mind then you'd be crazy but here's the thing, I've built a life and a history with my wife. You don't know this affair partner really. You only see her part time, at best, so you likely really don't know what she's like other than she's got fairly low morals to be screwing a married man. Think about it.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Marry a cheater???????? Nice


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Most women have a sixth sense about when something is not right with the marriage and you've being doing this for 9 months. Your wife has probably seen the red flags, but is keeping mum about it for the sake of the kids as they are still young. I'm sorry but you will reap what you have sown, 9 months is a long time for a BW to get over.

You have to confess to your wife and in the meantime line up an IC for you (to see why you went down the road and to make sure you never will again) and an MC if your wife agrees. It is likely you have little self control so you have to be an open book for your wife, mobile access, social media website passwords, etc all available

You will have to ensure there will never be contact with this OW again, a no contact letter must be written, the only way you can be accountable is to tell your wife.

Your wife may not want to continue the marriage with you as you have betrayed her trust and that is something which is very difficult to earn back.

If you choose not to tell her (that would be the wrong decision) be aware that these things have a way of coming out and building the next 20 years of marriage on a foundation of deceit is not a good way to go.


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## Octavia4 (Sep 30, 2015)

I'm not going to judge you for having an affair - a lot of people do it for a lot of different reasons. Nor will I vilify the person you're sleeping with. 

But I'm going to second what everyone else is telling you - it is not in your best interest to leave your wife and children. There will be financial pain, emotional pain, and no matter what good qualities your new paramour possesses, those kids are going to HATE the woman you left their mother for. You will not be able to have a happy and harmonious family with your kids and her. 

I think for most people, it's hard not to have at least some romantic feelings for a person you've slept with. It sounds like the other woman has given you an out: "She's already told me that she won't tell my wife about us, we will just simply part ways, if I decide to stay wife my wife, so she can move on with her life, and I can go on with mine." Take this as a sign that she cares about your well-being and break up with her gently. Tell her you appreciated the time and intimacy and that you wish her well. Then go back to your wife and get some counseling. Whether to tell her not is a judgement call. Good luck.


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## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

Oh you stupid, stupid man. You deserve everything coming your way. That new girl is not going to let you go so easy, she is priming to give your wife a call and open her eyes. Your wife knows, she has been noticing the signs you have been giving out. She knows you are up to something. 

Now what to do? 1. Say good bye to home wreaker, wipe her off your digital world. Hide the truth and turn over a new leaf. Devote yourself to your wife and kids.

2. Or, come clean and tell it all. Good luck with your wife. Because bored, you will be no more. Your wife and life will be so excited, you might not be able to handle it. 

Choosing option 1, is the easy way. It also, means you will be repeating this behavior again in the future. The new you, a lying cheating aszhole.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*End it like yesterday! And contingent upon your conscience, you had better hope that your wife doesn't somehow find out about your "affair," because you'll have some rather serious explaining to do in addition to perhaps losing your family over it all!

And you had better get yourself checked out for the presence of STD's!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Casualkpr (Sep 30, 2015)

I thank everyone for the honesty and the advice. I needed a good dose of reality, in every way, shape and form. And I agree, I deserve EVERY thing that may come my way. 

I wasn't able to get much sleep last night. I care about my family. My father passed away when I was 4, and my stepfather was, (and still is), a very verbally abusive person, so I never really had a good family foundation. 

Also, I realize that, if I do choose the OW over my wife, it would be a relationship based on that, of an affair, and not one based on good moral standings. 

When my wife and I first met, we were both in a relationship that was going nowhere, and was coming to an end. I ended mine first, and we were seeing each other while she was still dating the guy. We never had any sexual contact during that time, only went for walks with our dogs, or for coffee. I finally gave her an ultimatum, and told her she needed to end her relationship with him, or I was moving on, as it wasn't fair to her boyfriend at the time, and I wouldn't want to be in his position. (I guess that's the pot calling the kettle black). 

Regardless, I am going to say goodbye, today, to the OW, and seek counselling for myself, to see if I can fix what I have broken. 

I am not sure if I am going to tell my wife, but if I decided to, I will have to live with my consequences, as I have no one to blame, but myself. 

I hope to hear more from others on this, for advice, or input, good or bad, I can take it.


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

Is the OW married?

I think you need to be prepared that she may SAY she's ok with it being over, but saying and doing are two different things. Do you want to be looking over your back forever for her to crop back up and tell your wife?


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## Casualkpr (Sep 30, 2015)

SecondTime'Round said:


> Is the OW married?
> 
> I think you need to be prepared that she may SAY she's ok with it being over, but saying and doing are two different things. Do you want to be looking over your back forever for her to crop back up and tell your wife?


No, she isn't married. She's giving me the ultimatum, so she can move on with her life. And, if she does come out of the woodwork in the future, and decide to tell my wife, then that's something I'm going to have to deal with. 

Like I said, I dug my own grave, here.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

You need to tell your wife and ASAP.

Nothing much more to say..you made vows and commitments and you broke them. Time to come clean and face the music. You owed her so much more but this is the minimum you have to give


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

Your wife has a right to know who she's married to and the risks she's taking having sex with you.

I know it's hard, but balancing between your shame and her right to know, well... her right to know wins.

So ready yourself. Sit down, and write out a complete timeline of what happened. Be honest. As much detail as you can stand. Write what you were feeling, why you opened yourself up to it, and how you feel about it now. Put it in an envelope.

Also be open to the possability that she already knows. She at least know's something's up, right?

Sit her down in a place where she can rant and rave and you won't be interrupted. Tell her that you have something to tell her, something bad, but she deserves to know the truth. Tell her you've been having an affair and why. Give her the envelope to read if she wants the details.

And offer her a divorce that is as painless as possible if that's what she wants, or offer her your undying remorse and commitment to work on the marriage if that's what she wants, and you feel you're capable of that. Let her make her own choice, and give her the time to do that.

Leave immediately if that's what she wants (at least move out of the bedroom and make yourself scarce). Be ready and available anytime she wants to contact you. Be 100% open and transparent with everything, give her your email, phone, facebook passwords. Give her your plans and whereabouts at any time if that's what she wants.

And, please, dump the other woman. Even if your wife leaves you, it's not gonna work.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Casualkpr said:


> Regardless, I am going to say goodbye, today, to the OW, and seek counselling for myself, to see if I can fix what I have broken.


Seeing an affair partner in person to end the affair seldom works. It usually ends in the sack. Or at least not ending the affair at all.

It's like deciding to go to a bakery to start your diet. Does not work very often.

So after the in-person meetup fails, send her a not contact email or text. Here are some sample no-contact letters. Note that in them there is no mention of how hot the OW is, how much you hate break off with her, etc. The letter is about how much you have betrayed your wife and how unfair that’s to your wife. If you take any other approach, you are leaving the door open for the affair to continue.

Sample No Contact Letters | AFFAIRCARE



Casualkpr said:


> I am not sure if I am going to tell my wife, but if I decided to, I will have to live with my consequences, as I have no one to blame, but myself.


There are some books that I suggest you read. 

•	Surviving an Affair by Dr. Harley
•	His Needs, Her Needs
•	Love Busters

There are pros and cons for not telling your wife about your affair. The major con is that she will never know how far gone you are. It’s highly unlikely that anything in the marriage will be fixed because she does not know how broken it really is. It’s profoundly unfair to your wife for her to not know.

If you do not tell her about the affair, then the entire burden of fixing your marriage is on you. You will need to find a way to tell her how broken her marriage is. You will need to do the work to unilaterally change to move your marriage in the right direction. The books I suggested above will help with this. Actually they will help whether you tell her or not. They will help if you actually do the hard work that they suggest.

Also, go get STD tested. You have no idea what this other woman is up to. For all you know she’s having sex with a lot of men. So that means that you have been exposing your wife to the danger of getting STDs. So get tested. And if anything turns up positive you HAVE TO tell your wife so she can get treated.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

Casualkpr said:


> I thank everyone for the honesty and the advice. I needed a good dose of reality, in every way, shape and form. And I agree, I deserve EVERY thing that may come my way.
> 
> I wasn't able to get much sleep last night. I care about my family. My father passed away when I was 4, and my stepfather was, (and still is), a very verbally abusive person, so I never really had a good family foundation.
> 
> ...


If you don't decide to come clean to your wife, best make sure you have deleted every trace of evidence that this OW ever existed. Every possible trace. 

Cancel your contract or monthly service and switch to a new provider with a new handset. Donate or arrange for your current handset to have an accident. The last thing you want is her coming across evidence months from now because she checked the account or was digging through your phone for a picture or something.

If not possible, then at least reset the phone to factory and clear the cloud if you backup to cloud.

Scrub your computer and email like the feds are commin.

Any little treasures from meetings like matchbooks or whatever, take to a dumpster somewhere.

And scrub your mind, too. Every time OW crosses your mind, put the brakes on that thought and immediately think something similarly great about your wife. You have a memory of OW, squash it and think of a comparable memory with your wife.


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## tripad (Apr 18, 2014)

Wow 

If i am your wife , i wish i never knew n you carry your burden n secret to yur sorry grave .


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## NoChoice (Feb 12, 2012)

OP,
Your marriage was weak before do you really want to throw a skeleton into that closet? Honesty is crucial for her and for you. Think of the devastation if this OW comes out and tells your wife weeks, months or years from now. Do you hear "and you kept this from me all of this time?". It is of course your decision, as was the tryst, but my advice would be to read Marduk's post (17) and do exactly that and throw yourself on the mercy of the court. Good fortune.


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## MarriedDude (Jun 21, 2014)

Wolf1974 said:


> You need to tell your wife and ASAP.
> 
> Nothing much more to say..*you made vows and commitments and you broke them.* Time to come clean and face the music. You owed her so much more but this is the minimum you have to give


This pretty much sums it up. 

Sorry you are having to deal with this OP----you sound like 10 pounds of sad in a 5 pound bag. 

To tell your wife or not...only you can decide. How long can you live with what you have done? Guilt, Remorse, the things we do...follow us for the rest of our days. The mistake has been made and that part is over....No need to dwell there -Now is all about what kind of man you want to be going forward.


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## 5Creed (May 29, 2011)

Put yourself in your wife's place; would YOU want to know if she had been screwing around with someone behind your back all this time? That she was "in love" with another man and he took up all of her thoughts and good feelings she had? She has a right to know what you have been doing all this time. She has a right to truly know the man she is married to. She has a right to make a choice to forgive you and work on the marriage with you and she has a right to leave you and find someone else. YOU have no right to take that choice away from her. If you don't tell her, imagine all the years and years of your continuing to betray her by not telling her and that is exactly what it would be: one big azz betrayal. Living with the thought of her finding out from someone else would most likely be pure hell for you. Think about that one.


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

5Creed said:


> Put yourself in your wife's place; would YOU want to know if she had been screwing around with someone behind your back all this time? That she was "in love" with another man and he took up all of her thoughts and good feelings she had? She has a right to know what you have been doing all this time. *She has a right to truly know the man she is married to. She has a right to make a choice to forgive you and work on the marriage with you and she has a right to leave you and find someone else. YOU have no right to take that choice away from her. I*f you don't tell her, imagine all the years and years of your continuing to betray her by not telling her and that is exactly what it would be: one big azz betrayal. Living with the thought of her finding out from someone else would most likely be pure hell for you. Think about that one.


:iagree:


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Personally I think the OW is infatuated and will not give up as easily as CLKPR believes. Why do I detect this story is far from over?


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

At the very LEAST, you need to tell your wife to get an STD test. You get one, too. You've been putting her in danger by having sex with her. The affair is one thing, but I have no words for your thoughtless mistreatment of your wife.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

marduk said:


> Your wife has a right to know who she's married to and the risks she's taking having sex with you.
> 
> I know it's hard, but balancing between your shame and her right to know, well... her right to know wins.
> 
> ...


This just needs to be repeated. Nothing to add because the bases are covered but I will chime in that your wife needs to know.

You actually need her to know.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## AVR1962 (May 30, 2012)

Let me guess, you actually think this could work out because you are having sex, laughing and having a good time just like you and your wife did before life got real? Dude, you leave your wife for this woman and it will get real eventually too then you end up with your wife remarrying and having to deal with that. Your kids will be torn between you and your wife and you will have custody issues. Your wife will be hurt from the betrayal and she will want it made known to family, including your children how wrong you have done her. Your focus: sex See any problems with this?? Get real, dump the affair, start seeing a counselor so this doesn't happen again.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Can you honestly say that the sex with the affair partner in parked cars in public was better than the sex with your wife?


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## tripad (Apr 18, 2014)

Fobidden fruit is always exciting .

Your wife and kids will be paying the price for your stupidity and selfishness .

They will despise you .


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## Rugs (Apr 12, 2013)

I don't understand how anyone in a great marriage could cheat so easily. 

I just don't buy the "just sex" argument. OR "the thrill of the chase". A man or woman who really loved their wife would not cheat on them. I think you will cheat on your wife again with the same woman or another woman down the road. 

If I truly love someone, I don't of haven't had the slightest urge to cheat on them, exchange numbers, meet with them, talk to old flames..... 

I love new things, new places, exciting adventures, sex........ But while with someone I care about, I only have eyes for that person. 

I don't know about telling your wife. Yes, in a perfect world, you probably should but I know I could not do it myself. I am a coward when it comes to an uncertain outcome of something so important. 

BUT, if you're going to continue to cheat, please divorce your wife. It truly is the lowest, worst thing you can do to another human being that is supposed to be your best friend. 

Can I ask why you came to this site? Are you feeling guilty? Do you really want to stop? 

You can't think you are the only man this woman seduces...?? She obviously gets off on picking up and screwing married men. ALSO, she may be a crazy bunny boiler and that would really fvck up your world (and your family's). It's a really stupid thing to do. 

If you must continue, don't be selfish, be divorced.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

For whatever reason, my "Spidey Sense" is yelling at me here. But whatever, I'll push that aside for now and give you the honest and forthcoming advice that you requested...

Stop being a f*cking d**chebag. End your affair -- immediately and permanently. Your wife can assist w/ this once you've confessed your infidelity to her, which you absolutely should do. After all, she deserves to know that you've been stepping out on her, IN ADDITION TO the fact that you've put her health at risk by choosing to engage in sexual activity outside of your marriage.

And besides, OW is likely playing you anyway. And even if she's not, all you'll have won in any sort of continued relationship w/ her is a woman willing to f*ck another woman's husband. Yippee.

Oh, and then there's this...

"If they'll cheat WITH you, they'll cheat ON you."

Should your wife agree to the reconciliation of your marriage, work in earnest to repair the damage wrought by your entitled, inconsiderate, short-sighted, and juvenile behavior. Should she opt for divorce, do your best to work toward a fair, amicable divorce.

And at every turn, be a better man than you've been, a better husband than you've been, AND A BETTER FATHER than you've been.


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## Another Planet (Aug 8, 2012)

You're an idiot


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## Spotthedeaddog (Sep 27, 2015)

jdawg2015 said:


> Mans advice here: That woman will not work out in the end. She's an infatuation to you. And she's knowingly dating a married man. Is that the type of woman you want to be with?
> 
> You are lucky if you've ended this and just stay away from her is best bet. Delete anything and everything about her and don't look back.
> 
> Fix your marriage and what ever is wrong with it or end the marriage. An affair partner will end up as a messed up relationship plus you'll need to recoup from leaving your wife, etc. Divorce in most cases is a very emotional process especially with kids around.


ditto on that.

As a married man you're a safe bet - no real risk of involvement. She can daydream all she likes. As soon as it stops being fun, she'll pull away, even if she doesn't tell/show you.

Seduce your wife. join a club and be a fun person (so competitive level club is out). go dancing again - or learn if you haven't.

dont put your wife through it. and find someone other than your wife for emotional and home support - she won't think you're dreamy and be your rock at the same time.
Good chance when things are lighter between the two of you, the fun and sex will come back.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
I think people mostly cheat because there is something that they want in their marriage but can't have. What is it for you? It is sex? Affection? Respect? Excitement?

What did you have with this other woman that you don't with your wife. 

Then you have to figure out how to get it at home, because if you don't, I think you will cheat again.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

Some people just aren't wired to be monogamous.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tripad (Apr 18, 2014)

I think it is really selfish . Now your wife and kids have to carry that burden to forgive n forget n heal .

Things will never be the same .


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## thebirdman (Apr 5, 2014)

Just a quick bit of advice from someone who has walked a similar path as you and learned the hard way. 

1. Do not lie to your wife. She deserves the the truth if nothing else. This is most important. No matter what else you do, do this. 

2. Feelings and being in love are exciting but they don't last forever. They can come back though after they're gone. 

3. Love makes a marriage work. Love is very hard work. It's an important investment. I wish someone had told me this years ago. 

4. Decide what you want. I would not encourage you to stay with your wife out of obligation. But, see point 3. If you had told me almost 2 years ago that I would still be married to the same woman today I probably would not have believed you. 

5. Accept the consequences. No matter what, there will be consequences. Your family can despise you for a little while, or they can despise you forever. That hinges on how you handle this situation. WARNING: Consequences are not pretty. 

6. Learn how to communicate in your marriage. Whether in this marriage, or the next, you will have to learn this and your wife will have to learn with you. You must have good, honest, open communication for success. 

7. Seek counselling from a good marriage counsellor. You need to understand why the affair happened and what you can do to prevent yourself from winding up in that position again. Do this for yourself even if you and your wife choose not to stay married. It's worth it. 

8. Get an STD test. Yes, it's embarrassing. It's also better than being dead or very ill or being responsible for making someone else that way. Get one even if you used protection. 

9. Affairs are not a good foundation for a stable relationship. It won't work. The other woman knows this as much as you do. She is letting her feelings govern her actions as much as you are. Put logic back on the table. Be ready to fight, it may come to that. 

Unfortunately, I speak from experience. When you start to break down the lie that you've built, it hurts; not just your wife, you'll feel the pain too [like getting hit by a train] but it hurts her more than anyone. If you don't want to be with her, don't, but be honest. If you do want to be with her, work towards that, knowing that she may not want to be with you and you can't control what she wants, but be honest. 
Do right. It's worth it in the long term. 

I wish you the best of luck. My advice may not have been as quick as I claimed, but I wish I had had someone to give me sound advice when I needed it most.


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