# Husband is annoying



## Bam85 (Feb 13, 2015)

This is really just a rant but over the past few weeks, the husband and I have been talking about having kids. We've been together for 4 years, both 30. Since then, I noticed him making stupid remarks on a forum he visits. It's an open forum, predominantly male users. He's been talking about how Kate Beckinsale is the only true 10 and how Margot Robbie makes him wanna jizz. I don't think he knows I can see that stuff but I think he's being an idiot. And, frankly, I'm disappointed that he's like that when he thinks I'm not around.

It's making me feel weird. I don't know if I want to be all gigantic and pregnant while having him obsess about other women. At least in my current state, I can put him in his place. He's a very physically attractive guy and I've always tried to make sure he gets his ego boosted. Staring to wonder if I took that too far and now he's being a ****y jerk. Top that off with the fact that I sometimes feel like he chose me because I was the safe bet. I'm a decent looking woman. I'm pretty slim, I have a pretty face...my only real downfall is how short I am. Physically, my husband treats me like a 6. It's very annoying and I'd rather not make it worse by getting all fat and pregnant in front of him.


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## ne9907 (Jul 17, 2013)

How tall are you?

Does your husband tell you are beautiful? Does he compliment you?

Have you worked on your insecurities?


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## BlueWoman (Jan 8, 2015)

I think it's probably a good idea not to have kids with him. He doesn't sound like a positive influence on your life. If you have kids it will make it much easier to leave him until 1) he gets his head out of his @$$ or 2) You move on. Never be with a guy who you feel "settled" for you. The damage to your self-esteem isn't worth it.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Well you must be a very calm and collected woman. Annoying is not the word I would use for such an immature male.

Might be prudent to have second thoughts about procreating with him.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

I hope you leave him.


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## Omego (Apr 17, 2013)

jld said:


> I hope you leave him.


Yes, so that he can go find a '10'. He may himself be a 10 but with a mentality like that I'd bump him down to a 4......


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Omego said:


> Yes, so that he can go find a '10'. He may himself be a 10 but with a mentality like that I'd bump him down to a 4......


You are generous, Omego. Hearing what he said drops him right down to zero for me . . .


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

If you have those sort of doubts about your partner, then you shouldn't have children with them. It's not about how he'll feel about you when you're big, it's that you think he's the sort of person who would abandon his partner when she's pregnant with his child. Your opinion of him, whether it's warranted or not, means you should be leaving him, not having babies with him.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

I think you should show him what you wrote here and find out why he thinks the way he does. What site does he go on to talk this way about women?


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## AVR1962 (May 30, 2012)

You have reason to feel unsettled about this. Your husband should be the man he is in front of you when he is with his friends. Personally, I would talked to him about this and ask him what it is all about, ask what he is thinking. He might cover up his feelings becasue he doesn't want you to know or he might be honest. Don't get upset, let him talk and then calmly explain to him how you felt to see these posts.


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

Bam85 said:


> This is really just a rant but over the past few weeks, the husband and I have been talking about having kids. We've been together for 4 years, both 30. Since then, I noticed him making stupid remarks on a forum he visits. It's an open forum, predominantly male users. He's been talking about how Kate Beckinsale is the only true 10 and how Margot Robbie makes him wanna jizz. I don't think he knows I can see that stuff but I think he's being an idiot. And, frankly, I'm disappointed that he's like that when he thinks I'm not around.
> 
> It's making me feel weird. I don't know if I want to be all gigantic and pregnant while having him obsess about other women. At least in my current state, I can put him in his place. He's a very physically attractive guy and I've always tried to make sure he gets his ego boosted. Staring to wonder if I took that too far and now he's being a ****y jerk. Top that off with the fact that I sometimes feel like he chose me because I was the safe bet. I'm a decent looking woman. I'm pretty slim, I have a pretty face...my only real downfall is how short I am. Physically, my husband treats me like a 6. It's very annoying and I'd rather not make it worse by getting all fat and pregnant in front of him.


"I've always tried to make sure he gets his ego boosted" 

Sounds very loving. Maybe you both have some work to do.


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

Petite women are so cute and have such an advantage! Seems men prefer petite women. Or maybe just don't like those of us who are 5'6"!

A good husband will make a 6 feel like a 10, not the other way around. I'm sad he treats you like a 6. What does he do and say (aside from that website) that makes you FEEL like a 6? Does he literally put you down, fail to compliment or give back-handed compliments?

As far as being a father, what if he has a girl? Will he make her feel like she isn't thin enough, cute enough, hot enough? Little girls rely on their fathers to make them feel loved and beautiful and worthy.

What if it's a boy? Will he be teaching him to objectify women and only see them for their bodies and outward beauty? Will he demonstrate how important the whole package is and regardless of attraction they should all be treated with dignity?

Carefully consider the values you would want future children to have and whether or not he will impart those. 30 is not too late to start over and find someone and have children. Don't let your biological clock determine your relationship.


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## Abc123wife (Sep 18, 2013)

Your most recent post before this one was last August. You were not married to him yet and said:


Bam85 said:


> That's absolutely true. I got to the point where I'm not interested in pushing this relationship further. In the beginning, I was a lot more certain that he's the one for me. By the time I caught on to his flirting and repositioned the relationship in my mind, we were already engaged, living together and caring for those who depend on us. It's murky now but I know enough not to marry him or have children with him unless I go back to a place where I feel confident about him being the person I want to commit to for the rest of my life.


You married him anyway? It sounds like more of the same problems. He was previously caught flirting and texting other women before you married him. Now he continues with similar behaviors. Did you think he was going to change?


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## Mclane (Apr 28, 2016)

*Disadvantages of having children:*

You will lose your figure. Sure, in 20 years you'll lose it anyway but why give it up now? Changes due to pregnancy can be permanent, sometimes that weight doesn't come off after childbirth and sometimes it just keeps going up.

You can get more nearsighted during pregnancy and that change can also be permanent.

You need a bigger house with more rooms. Higher maintenance and purchase costs.

The cost to raise a child to adulthood is close to $250,000 and that doesn't include college costs which can easily double that figure in 18 years.

As a baby you've gotta change crap filled diapers and push a stroller everywhere. When they start moving around you gotta childproof everything. As they grow you have to worry about their school performance, possible medical conditions, who they're going out with, drugs, partying, teenage pregnancies, antisocial and even criminal behavior, etc.

You won't be able to work for some time- loss of income and future job prospects and promotions, a career lost because you focused on child rearing.

The money you're spending or losing could be used to buy nice things such as fancy cars or vacations or gadgets that can improve your quality of life substantially.

The world is overpopulated as it is, we're rapidly draining the planet's natural resources. Pollution, global warming, terrorism and other disasters are only getting worse, what sort of a world will your future generations grow up in, do you really want them to experience this, do you really want to add to the problem?

More people divorce than stay together. Having children can sometimes ruin what would be a good relationship due to differences in child rearing philosophy. Children complicate divorce because of custody and child support issues. Often times the man loses access to his children and ends up with all the disadvantages and non of the advantages of having them in the first place, not there were that many to begin with. Children in divorced families often do poorly in life, and since more than half of marriages end in divorce the odds are stacked against them from day 1.

*Advantages of having children.*

Its nice to have someone call you mommy or daddy and hug you and tell you how much they love you.


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## Bobby5000 (Oct 19, 2011)

I would think a couple should be in love before having a child and there is little indication of that. I do think you two should discuss your concerns and I agree there is a certain immaturity in his comments.


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## Annette Tush (May 4, 2016)

EnjoliWoman said:


> Petite women are so cute and have such an advantage! Seems men prefer petite women. Or maybe just don't like those of us who are 5'6"!


That's good to know, especially for us who have struggled with height issues our entire lives :grin2:


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## Annette Tush (May 4, 2016)

Bam85 said:


> It's very annoying and I'd rather not make it worse by getting all fat and pregnant in front of him.


To me, this does not sound healthy at all. While we should try to look good for our partners, it seems you are living your entire life to please your partner. If you can get the extent of not wanting to get pregnant because of the fear you have, to be fat in front of him, that is absurd. He needs to grow up. Such individuals can't change much, it is up to you to decide if you want to spend your entire life with such a jerk!


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

BlueWoman said:


> I think it's probably a good idea not to have kids with him. He doesn't sound like a positive influence on your life. If you have kids it will make it much easier to leave him until 1) he gets his head out of his @$$ or 2) You move on. *Never be with a guy who you feel "settled" for you. The damage to your self-esteem isn't worth it.*


Agreed.



Wolf1974 said:


> I think you should show him what you wrote here and find out why he thinks the way he does. *What site does he go on to talk this way about women?*


LOL... look at Wolf up in here taking notes.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

EnjoliWoman said:


> Petite women are so cute and have such an advantage!


Agreed. My wife is 4'11" and just _adorable_.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Mclane said:


> *Disadvantages of having children:*
> 
> You will lose your figure. Sure, in 20 years you'll lose it anyway but why give it up now? Changes due to pregnancy can be permanent, sometimes that weight doesn't come off after childbirth and sometimes it just keeps going up.
> 
> ...


Good God, did you really have to sugar-coat it? It's sad that you don't have a relationship with your two daughters, but many parents find their children bring enormous joy to their lives. 

It isn't fair to dump all the world's problems on her. She's entitled to procreate just like you did. She just needs to find a man who is worthy of fathering her children.


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## Annette Tush (May 4, 2016)

GusPolinski said:


> Agreed. My wife is 4'11" and just _adorable_.


Ahaaa... finally, I find a height-mate. Should meet your wife over a bottle of tequila:wink2:


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Blondilocks said:


> Good God, did you really have to sugar-coat it? It's sad that you don't have a relationship with your two daughters, but many parents find their children bring enormous joy to their lives.
> 
> It isn't fair to dump all the world's problems on her. She's entitled to procreate just like you did. She just needs to find a man who is worthy of fathering her children.


Agree with this. My 3 are my world, they are such amazing humans. It is the biggest joy in my life to see the young adults they are growing up to be.


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## Mclane (Apr 28, 2016)

Blondilocks said:


> She's entitled to procreate just like you did. She just needs to find a man who is worthy of fathering her children.


 @Blondilocks

Just giving another perspective is all.

I bet there's a fair number of parents such as myself who regret having children but in their haste to procreate and spread their genes they didn't consider the downside.



Holland said:


> Agree with this. My 3 are my world, they are such amazing humans. It is the biggest joy in my life to see the young adults they are growing up to be.


 @Holland

Give it time. They obviously aren't teenagers yet.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Mclane said:


> @Blondilocks
> 
> Just giving another perspective is all.
> 
> ...



Wrong. 3 x Teenagers of my own and a combined blended family of 5 x teenagers.
Guessing you have a crappy back story but my world is different. My children are amazing people, their dad and I have done a pretty damn good job so far with them. We are a two household family and co parent 50/50. So life has not been a breeze but one thing is certain, my kids are my world.

Oh and my first was not planned, I actually never had that ticking clock thing or real desire to have kids like many do.


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