# Husband being a sex pest and abusive



## rocketdog (Jun 18, 2011)

Hello, this is my first time posting,
I'm in need of some advice with my husband, he is at work tnight and since he has left I have had a mass string of nasty text messages from him, all because of sex.

I'm beginging to doubt myself and feel guitly and put down I just need to let this out. Tomorrow he is going away to his home country for just over two weeks, I cant go because of my sons school and school holidays start in 6 weeks anyway when will all be going together. So at the moment we are trying to get everything ready for his journy etc I dropped my son off at a friends birthday party at 3pm my husband told me to call him as we can go food shopping instead of having to rush around when he leaves tomorrow and get this done and dusted. So I rang him and he said he was unable to come because of work, so I said I'd go pick up what I can, just as I'm outside the supermarket he calls to say go home and wait outside, so I did. I waited 20 mins before going inside and rang him again, I was getting stressed as I had to get my son at 5 and by this time it was 3.45 he turns up so I quicly get my shoes on ready to leave when he stops to say he wants sex,I told him we wont have time for the supermarket and I had waited for him outside, and we wont have time to go in the morning as he leaves at 1 and shops arnt open untill 11, he then blew up telling me I was out of order and a discrase, that when he goes home theyre will be girls he can sleep with etc etc then slammed the door and went to bed.

I went to pick up my son and warned him his dad was in a bit of a bad mood and we had to go shopping, we didnt return until 6.15 he got up at 6.30 complaining I didnt make him a meal slammed doors, told my son a bad word about me then left for his doorman job he does two nights a week.

Since he has gone I have had a string of stroppy texts that have turned abusive, I havnt replied to him, which is my first thought he is being this way, but they are cutting deep and I am find the temptaition not to reply very hard.

They started off with 'oh you dont love me' to being 'i hope the cancer kills you' ( I have an operation due to cancerous cells found after smear) Ive just had one saying 'you make me sick'

Thing is we had sex last night and the night before so why would he behave like this, I know we wont see each other for two weeks, but why does he have to send me all these mean texts ? He's not even hear and I feel like I'm walking on egg shells.

We rarely have arguments, in fact I cannot even remeber our last argument.

We have been married 9 years by the way I'm 29 and he's 38.
He is the boss of a company but does a few nights door work, which he says 'keeps him young' I working in a day nursery for children and am a supervisor, and I must admit he is acting pretty much the same as some of the kids there, its shocking.

Well thanks for reading this, If you got this far!


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

I rarely advocate divorce but in this situation, you really need to. I cannot even begin to state how much is wrong with what has just happened. Ordering you to go home, you wait on him and he demands sex and isn't reasonable to understand that you need to get your son, telling you that you are a disgrace, he will have sex with other women back home, complaining about his food, leaving to go to his "hobby" job, sending you text after nasty text including he wishes you died of cancer. 
While he is gone, take these two weeks to find out what your legal rights are and put the plans in motion to leave this terrible excuse for a human being. This will only get worse and the next time, it will be by his hand. Please help yourself, PLEASE.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

1875 called they want your husband back.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Is the very first time your husband has been abusive? Is this out of character for him? I think he is the same but you are different, you grew up from the 20yr old married to a 30 yr old man who you looked up to and thought he new his way around in the world??? Does that ring true? At 29yo you see him in perspective and he is probably not as well put together to your more worldly eyes. 

A number of very desturbing things have happened and it is no wonder that you are reaching out. First - his behavior is so abusive that you need him to acknowledge it and apologize to you and your child and get help. If he refuses you should disengage from him until he is ready to do what is reasonable and loving. 

He said things to you that you enemy would say not man who is supposed to love you. To wish that you would die of cancer, saying a nasty thing to a child, and expectation of sex on demand or he will cheat is not the actions of man who loves you. In my opinion he is unsafe - phychologically and maybe physically. 

These are serious issues that you can not sweep under tha rug and pretend that it did not happen if he can do this he can do worse. In reference to cheating I would not have sec with him until you have assured yourself that he has not had sex with others and that he is disease free. 

You have to take charge you have to woman up. When a man does things to show that he cannot be trusted with your heart you need to withdraw your heart and tell him he has to regain your trust. If he loves you he will do that if he does not he will not pit any effort in. 

Prepare yourself to take care of you and your kids. Remember your first responsibility is to protect your children. You made a grave error in allowing him to get away with saying anything about you to your child. You are responsible to them first they don't walk on eggshells in their own home so mom keeps an abusive man. 

Once you begin to let the disrepectful abusive behavior go with out consequences you can expect more. He thinks he has gotten away with abuse don't let him. Have some self respect tell him not to communicate until he acknowledges his abuse and apologies to you and your child. I don't think he will so I think you should seriously think about MC or sep or divorce. 

What ever you do - please dont act as if every thing is ok tell Jim you have no intention of having sex with him but you will makeove and you donot feel loving without the sincere apology. You may want to let this blow over so you don't have to do anything but don't do it. 

This will not go away if you placate him with sex and pretending that he has not hurt you. He gets what he wants and you get to be used. You can stay like that for another 5 miserable years for you until you finally have had enough. Get it resolved now. If you lose him because you demand respect then he was not worth having.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

Wow. Divorce is way drastic in this case. if you guys never fight I'm assuming this is all new. Try to find out what's really bugging him. Because I can almost guarantee it isn't anything you're doing (or not doing).


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## sexuallyfustrated (Mar 24, 2011)

Runs like Dog said:


> 1875 called they want your husband back.


:rofl: I agree this sounds as it's something from that time doesn't it. 
What I want to know is where is he from because if he is from a place where women's rights are not respected or they have no rights then you may NOT want to go there.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

Sounds to me like he's trying to make you angry enough so you say something to the effect that you are through with him, so that he can escape his married reality and be 'single' (separated, divorcing) while he is away. Then come home and probably have make-up sex on top of all that, and blame everything that happens while he's away on you being angry and 'he thought you didn't want to be married to him any more based on what you said' (conveniently forgetting what he did to provoke it).

You are correct as to maturity level.


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

sinnister said:


> Wow. Divorce is way drastic in this case. if you guys never fight I'm assuming this is all new. Try to find out what's really bugging him. Because I can almost guarantee it isn't anything you're doing (or not doing).


What? The guy is a total infant mentally, and extremely emotionally abusive to his wife! Eventually this will turn physical. 

If he's a doorman at a club, you can bet he's getting flirted on constantly, and returning those flirts to the ladies. He's probably thinking exactly like Catherine explained. He's trying to force his wife into bringing up divorce so he can take it as an excuse to do what he wants as a single man. All without having the balls to be a man about it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Wishing that you die of cancer? Telling you that you must f-ck on demand, that if you don't, he will get a piece of a$$ elsewhere? Saying nasty things to your son?

Um, wow. Yeah, he's a jerk.

And I'm betting_ this isn't the first time _ he's done this. I am betting there are a lot of little things that he does every time he gets annoyed or perturbed that you didn't do something that he wanted you to and then flies off the handle and says "I only did that because you XYZ."

Am I right? 

This post was a trigger for me. Because I had something very similar happen. One night I was on the sofa reading. He was sleeping. He came out of the room and got in my face and started SCREAMING at me asking why I was reading, that why did I like to read books (wtf?) and that he wanted to have sex and if I didn't have sex with him, he was going to find someone else to do it with. 

Um. Yeah. He also said "I don't love you!" 

We're divorced now.

Ping Ping Ping my emotional abuser radar is going off for you.


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