# How to win my wife back from buddhism



## arbed (Nov 26, 2011)

I never thought i will use one of this websites for guidance because i always thought the person can alone deal with his/her problem not external influence, now i need any good suggestion.

Story in brief : Me indian my wife English. We are a beautiful couple mad on each other. We started going out and later that year we got married (i know its fast but the situation made us and also we felt right). then we lived with each other for 2 years. In this last year i stayed away from her for work and see her every weekends and i was going to get a job in this decemeber so that i could go back and live with her and i am trying really hard. Hope i get one soon. The problem is now she is feeling that she doesnt want to have kids, family any of those things normal human beings wants. She is buddhist and her recent trip to buddhist place made her to take it so seriously and she wants to give away things easily and just want to follow her instinct. She wants to travel places and help people and dont want anything attached to. She wants to be on her and she feels thats the real happiness and she thinks thats the way she can find the real meaning of life. She is smart, intelllegent, beautiful, caring, affectionate whatever you name it she is everything and its great for me. Now she is saying i am training myself for that kind of life. for this life i need training, concentration so i will/am already neglecting you. So just think about the fun we had as couple and try to be happy on your own and i cant put my heart and soul into this relationship anymore. Everything is buddhism and i dont want to hurt you in future. So take care and enjoy the life.

I dont know what i should do in this situation?
I love her so much and she loves me very much still. She wants me to let her go so that she could train herself for inner peace or buddhism and i feel thats sounds crazy so i dont want to let her go?
she is everything for me. The only reason why i left behind my family and where i am now is she. The thought of not living with her and not talking and not holding/kissing and thought of losing her is kiiling me day by day. I havent slept properly for 15-20 days. I cant imagine a life without her. This might sound needy but i dont mind what people think i just want my wife back. What should i do?
We had an aruguement and i did a stupid thing so we havent contacted eachother for a week and she texted me yesterday and wished me luck and later she mailed me saying all this things about what she wants in life. She said she is very much in love and i am the best sweet, kind, caring husband a girl could wish for and she wants me to be happy and successful but she wants us to be bestfriend and not as couple. So i cant go back and see her and ask her as i am giving her some space to think and she doesnt talk a lot nowadays. But i need to tell her that i love her and i need her and how i feel about her. I dont want to stop her in whatever she is doing but i am asking her for a chance for both of us so that she will understand she could be my wife and be a buddhist too. 

I miss her crazily and i am not good with words so i dont want to call and mess things up. So what should i do.?

Have i already lost my wonderful wife or have i have a chance to bring her back to normal sense (no offense to buddhism but this idea of leaving everything sounds stupid for me as everything related to GOD, religion is just the product of people belief and more into business nature not related to reality)

Suggestion welcome..

Thanks


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

If she has converted, there isn't much you can do. You are Eastern Indian? Are you, or have you ever practiced Buddhism?

This religion is about being free from attachments, and unfortunately, that includes you. I know it is hard to understand, but if she is serious about pursuing enlightenment, I would wish her the best of luck and ask for a divorce.

You deserve someone who can and will be in a relationship with you, and participate in the neccessary tasks of being in a marriage. It must feel like she is abandoning you, but I would try to be happy for her and move on.

Sorry I couldn't be more helpful...


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## arbed (Nov 26, 2011)

Yinprincess. i am from south. i am happy for her. She hasnt converted she thinks thats the way she is intending to. i just dont want let her go because 3 months ago she wanted family kids etc now everything changed in the last month and she admitted she is confused. Thats all..

no offense to anyone..there is no f**king enlightment. This guy called buddha just wanted to do his own thing but he did hurt his whole family by leaving them behind but in his quotes he said dont hurt anyone. why it contradicts this much even about his life. Is this a decent version of hippies


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

I agree with you that Buddhism has a few contradictions of sorts.

Leaving behind wordly and familial attachments (sometimes, obligations!) to pursue Buddhism means that you also create an attachment TO Buddhism.

Buddhists like to cultivate compassion for every living thing... an Ant. A Rat. An Elephant. And so on... but where is the compassion for those the converts leave behind? Buddhists often seem to renounce the very characteristics that make them HUMAN. Sadly, it becomes "your" problem, not theirs. Remember, you are the "attached" one.

Interestingly enough, I've always likened Buddhist's "enlightenment" to the same traits and characteristics of suicidal people. Nothing is important anymore. No possessions, pets, people, etc. They can be "blank", numb, aloof, maybe even seem pretentious.

To help her make her decision, I would step back, stop talking about it, stop telling her how you feel and let her be at peace. If she is able to come to her own conclusion, without feeling forced or pressured, then you know whichever decision she makes is the one she really wants.

I know this is very hard on you... but it is important not to judge or criticize her. Just wish her the best and set a date when you can receive a final answer from her. 

I wish you the best!


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## Locard (May 26, 2011)

Tell her you aren't interested in being married to her if she does this. It is not what you want.


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## arbed (Nov 26, 2011)

Hi LOCARD

Yes i could say that and leave her. It will be 2 seconds and thats what she wants me to do. But i dont want as i am still in love with her and she still loves me crazily and at the sametime she is confused and i dont want to leaver her behind into this buddhism which might be good or bad. all i want is her to think about buddhism and spend time with me say 1 or 2 years down the line she can choose exactly what she wants. At that time i might have tried everything to lure her back to ordinary life and by that time i might have understood whats all about the extraordinary life. I love her and i believe that buddhism isnt going to help her as i know her that she needs support in things at the sametime she is a great individual. As i am with her now i just want to try my best to make her being with me.

But i nearly hae buddhism now


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## arbed (Nov 26, 2011)

Yinprincess - your reply was helpful - and yes there are contradiction but when will she see it. She got lovely parents and according to her i am an amazing guy and wonderful husband and she got a great job Doctor helping people with good money and an interesting life. Leaving all these she is going to hurt any of us which is against buddhism and as you said she is getting attached to buddhism which is why she is following buddhism in first place. How i am supposed to explain this as she will not be interested in hearing. She said she doesnt want to live with me anymore as it will be weird to do both family and buddhism. How could she say that even without trying. I am willing to stand back but that will push definitely to buddhism. I am confused and sometime i wish she could see the truth. she is smart and it puzzles me when smart people do stupid stuffs like this

thanks for your reply


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

I don't think you can keep her - because she doesn't want to be kept.

You're wife is selfish. She made a life time commitment to the marriage, but now she believes it is ok to selfishly walk away. The Buddhism is just an excuse.

Buddhists still make commitments and they still follow their vows. What she is doing isn't following a religion, its indulging herself and walking out on her commitments.


Is she been the kind during her life to flit from things and commitments before? Does she come from a background where her family just let to go/do whatever she wanted without consequence?


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## Mindful Coach (Sep 15, 2011)

There are many happily married Buddhists and Buddha had instructions for those that are married. Perhaps this page will help:
Buddhism and Marriage

The Buddha has said, "If a man can find a suitable and understanding wife and a woman can find a suitable and understanding husband, both are fortunate indeed."

I would seriously look into where she is studying/practicing Buddhism to make sure it's a legitimate organization and not a cult that is brain washing her to leave everything behind to do the cult's bidding. A legitimate Buddhism organization would embrace your marriage and support you as well as her. Just tell her you want to join her so you can learn as much about it as possible to find out if it's true or a cult.


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## arbed (Nov 26, 2011)

Shaggy - you are right her family never stopped her doing anything but they give their point of view. But she is committed in things but not in this as she is confused and worried that she might hurt me in future


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## arbed (Nov 26, 2011)

Tracy - i would love to try but she doesnt want me to try anything towards and she is kinda getting stubborn in her attitude that she is doing the right thing but my heart believe that she is not doing the right thing. I thought she is saying just to get rid off me and to start a life with another guy or something. But she is not as i asked her if that is the case let me know i will walk out happily. she said its nothing to do with sexual or intimate relationship. cant make her think anymore


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## arbed (Nov 26, 2011)

she is not following buddhism in any proper institution or something like that. she read a book which was given to her in teenage and she read the book million times and everytime she cries and made her realise this life isnot she wants


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Is there the possibility that there is a "spiritual man" who is grooming her to be one of his "followers"

It's not at all unheard of in stories like this, that trusting women like your wife get taken in by self claiming spiritual men who really are just sleazy con men who are looking to groom women to be in their bed. 

Is there a spiritual guy teaching her this stuff? If so then you're dealing with a different problem - one of a wife being led into an emotional affair and later a sexual affair under the guise of a charlatan.


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## arbed (Nov 26, 2011)

there is a possibility. i ahd this doubt and the guy who she is speaking to is 50 year old with his family and 3 kids and she knows the family. so i cant think that as an issue but i kind of think he might have did something to her inorder to gain money or something like that because my wife gives away money easily for friends in need


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## Sindo (Oct 29, 2011)

If Buddhists didn't marry, have kids or raise families, there would be no Buddhists left. 

I don't know much about Buddhism, but I am familiar with organised religion. If you can find any scripture to support a viewpoint, you can also find scripture to tear it down or at least shake those foundations.

I also know how to use google. Here's a couple to start you off. Good luck.

does+buddhism+mean+no+marriage

does+buddhism+mean+detaching+from+loved+ones


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## Mindful Coach (Sep 15, 2011)

It sounds as if she is doing a lot of controlling for someone that is trying to be Buddhist. Find a Buddhist counselor and see if she will talk with them alone, or with you.


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## chattycathy (Aug 19, 2011)

Okay. Wow.
There are so many problems here.

You living away from her.

You being of separate cultures and being away exasberates that.

Her interest in Buddhism taking this turn.

Buddhism can be amazing or a crutch for other issues. Some people who are causing suffering to others, use the premise in Buddhism that suffering is unavoidable and accepting it is wise. 
Don't CAUSE suffering people. 
Yes, Buddha did abandon his family and selfishly went on a journey which he felt was more important. I agree. I won't go into that debate. I am actually on your side with that one.



Anyway.......

I think your best action here would be to live in the same home with her. Create a sanctuary that is uncluttered and simple. Show her love but do not get into any arguments with her about her quest for now. Take time to show how lovely you can be. Support her quest even for a while but not being rude about it. Don't offer to send her to retreats but if she goes, try to go with her to spend quality time together.

Maybe she will turn back towards you. If not, you will have to release her and find a better choice woman for the future you want. YK?

It might likely even be that, while you were away, she met another man and is using the buddhist quest as a reason for splitting from you. You are not her focus in life. It might be an alluring other guy....even though you are still madly in love with her....she is telling you that she is not madly in love with you (quest, other man, whatever).


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## arbed (Nov 26, 2011)

chattychatty - people might lie i understand but she is not just lying to be with another man. because i know her and the thing is if she wants or if i want to leave we always meant to say the real reason behind that and i believe in that. I cant be 100% but i just believe in that and the 3 guys who is friends with are 2 gay guys and one 47/48 year old guy who has a family and she knows the family and she help her children in homework and his wife was there. so i cant just doubt that. apart from that her calls are to her mom/dad/sister and leisure center to swim. but i am aware of things can happen but i want to find out what it is


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## arbed (Nov 26, 2011)

an update. met her after 2 weeks didnt go well as i couldnt sleep next to her without even touching her. so i didnt sleep. we had little bit intense talk but didnt go any where. last day eveing she felt little bit relaxed and was holding hands and came home and had an intense talk session where both cried and she told she have to let the best thing go. we then calmed down. i felt relaxed and she called me next day and said its over and then said i am confused. i said take 2 months time and let me know as i am going to wait as i dont want to lose you. she mailed thanks for the time. i love you so much but i prefer to be onn my own and i dont want marriage and responsibilities as it scares me. but she sayd she is open and want the feelings to be back to normal but she cant predict when and she doubt that i might have moved on at that time so we are not talking anymore. do i have any chance as i dont want to lose her. she admits she is confused and i do want to help her. what is the problem with these women who make men cry when they really fall in love and genuinely care about them. women just fall deeply for the wrong guy most of the times... really frusturating but going to wait. but i dont know how to push my birthday, christams, new year, her birthday easily.

anyone see anything which i am missing

help me out


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## arbed (Nov 26, 2011)

tracy - i had a conversation with her regarding buddhism. she said she is not following the whole thing except things she believes in or make sense. i suggested that she should speak to someone. she ignored it. i believe she is afraid of settling down but she was the one who wanted to settle down..

cant understand women. 

whats your thoughts tracy

thanks


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## Soccerfan73 (Jul 30, 2011)

arbed said:


> Yinprincess - your reply was helpful - and yes there are contradiction but when will she see it. She got lovely parents and according to her i am an amazing guy and wonderful husband and she got a great job Doctor helping people with good money and an interesting life. Leaving all these she is going to hurt any of us which is against buddhism and as you said she is getting attached to buddhism which is why she is following buddhism in first place. How i am supposed to explain this as she will not be interested in hearing. She said she doesnt want to live with me anymore as it will be weird to do both family and buddhism. How could she say that even without trying. I am willing to stand back but that will push definitely to buddhism. I am confused and sometime i wish she could see the truth. she is smart and it puzzles me when smart people do stupid stuffs like this
> 
> thanks for your reply


Some Buddhists want to go all the way with the separation concept. 

To me, as a Buddhist for the past 8 years, I view it more as an acceptance of what life brings you, for better or for worse. 

I hope that at some point soon she realizes that she doesn't have to live the life of a monk to practice many of the basic tenants of Buddhism. 

I'm sorry you are going through this.


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

Sounds like this has nothing to do with Buddhism and everything to do with her not wanting to be married.

Sorry man.


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## arbed (Nov 26, 2011)

yes sinnister - you might be right. she doesnt want to be married and she dont want responsibilty - its my wife who i am talking about - the same person who wanted kids and family 2 months ago and she always wanted to be called wife (may be childish but it was the truth) and then it changed in a month. She was learning my language so that she could speak to my mom/dad and settle down in my country etc.... so I hope it will change back - is that hope sounds silly? going to wait - is that wait is stupidity? i feel ist worth waiting but i dont know whether she moved on already - but after 2 weeks we texted each other and in every text she mentioned Love u (my name), luv u babe xxxxxxx - what is this means? She also mentioned that there is more chance of winning back a girl if you can show the girl that you can be happy on your own and believe that happiness doesnt come from the girl - is she trying to teach something (her dad said the samething). i am confused again. Women shed some lights.

am i missing something or wasting my time?

it will take seconds to break a relationship or marriage but it will take months to build one


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

sinnister said:


> Sounds like this has nothing to do with Buddhism and everything to do with her not wanting to be married.
> 
> Sorry man.


I agree!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

Tell her you support her fully - ask for a divorce; that you support her goals and tell her you want her to support your dreams of having a wife and family. Make this a SHORT conversation and leave it at that. Don't forget the divorce papers, and do this as a loving act, not a mean one. You both deserve to get all you can from this life.

Show her YOUR Buddhist nature and free yourself from suffering and attachment.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Suemolly (Jun 19, 2011)

I have lived in Asia for a couple of years where most of the people were Buddhist or have faiths related to it, such as Tao or something like that. I knew many of them were strict practicing Buddhist, they don't even eat beef, they told me. I went to their homes and they have huge altars in their front halls for doing their prayer offerings. But I will tell you that I have never heard any of them saying they can't be with a man or woman, or can't stay married. Most of those Buddhists were happily married with kids and all. The only exception are the Buddhist monks, and the women shave their heads and wear those saffron robes. So unless your wife has committed herself to the monkhood, I would call her faith excuse to leave you as pure bull. It sounds to me that she just wants an alternative life and is no longer interested in the marriage. 

I do recall seeing some white people in those Asian countries acting all hare krishna, buddhist bohemian and all that crazy bat ****. I don't mean disrespect but they look deluded. They think to practice an eastern faith, you must live culturally like an Asian, afterall its all hip, bohemian and fashionable, I am sure that's what they are thinking. If anything, they truly look they were taking the piss out of the Asians with all these fake funny behavior.

Anyway, since you said she is white and you are an Indian, have you thought that she married you not because she truly loved you, but because you were an eastern attraction? You were part of the "bohemian eastern mystical" fascination she was looking for, and then you stopped being mystical somehow to her, so she moved on to something new. These kind of women are nutters, best to stay away from them.


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## arbed (Nov 26, 2011)

Suemolly - i dont know what eastern mystical attraction means - but i dont think she married me for that reasons. Its confusing more now. its not buddhism its not wanting to be married i guess. she says its over and next minute she wants 2 months to decide on this and she reckon i might have moved on by that time and she is admiting that she is taking the risk because the feelings has changed. yesterday she said she missed me and told me that i can come for christmas and i asked i have no place to stay except the house we have- she said yes you could sleep in our bed - but doesnt want to have an intense conversations - i told you dont have to decide anything let me know by christmas eve and she said anything will happen in 8 days - WTF this conversation means i dont know- i am confused - wish i was a women to understand her little better - i ws worried whether i am going to get her back or not but i am little bit relaxed if i get her back i will be happy and if i dont i think thats the fate and have to move on.

seriously the women are stupd sometimes and thinks men should understand them better and thinks men are stupid always [no offense to womens - this is what i think]


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

shes taking you for a fool. I hope your not suporting her finanicaly.

if so stop she might wise up then.

time to move on she falles into the I'm f-ing crazy catogory.


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## arbed (Nov 26, 2011)

she works - £35k
and i am working £35k 
money an financial support is not an issue

this is nothing to do with money or another guy or girl thing. its her feelings of not wanting to be married and tie up with the commitments. having said that she admits she wants the feelings back and dont how she could change it back. i dont know what i should do. women are confusingly stubborn and mine is one of them i guess.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

arbed said:


> she works - £35k
> and i am working £35k
> money an financial support is not an issue
> 
> this is nothing to do with money or another guy or girl thing. its her feelings of not wanting to be married and tie up with the commitments. having said that she admits she wants the feelings back and dont how she could change it back. i dont know what i should do. women are confusingly stubborn and mine is one of them i guess.


I think that she has fallen out of love with you because of the separation. You were not there to meet her needs. Thus the love fell away. The rest is just her way of explaining it.


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## Suemolly (Jun 19, 2011)

arbed said:


> seriously the women are stupd sometimes and thinks men should understand them better and thinks men are stupid always [no offense to womens - this is what i think]


You'll find stupid men and women everywhere. The stupid women are constantly busting their men's balls. The stupid men keep allowing the women to do it, and still want her back after everything. Maybe love just turn people into fools.


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## arbed (Nov 26, 2011)

Hi Elegirl

You might be right. what is the chance of getting back things normal. everytime i talk she is understanding and i feel its getting better. but i havent spoke to her for 3 days. last time when we spoke she said she dont mind meeting but she doesnt want ineveitable intense talking. what should i do. i want to give a break but every second is bothering me and make it more intense not knowing what future holds


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## arbed (Nov 26, 2011)

Suemolly said:


> You'll find stupid men and women everywhere. The stupid women are constantly busting their men's balls. The stupid men keep allowing the women to do it, and still want her back after everything. Maybe love just turn people into fools.


still wanting her back not after everything and that varies person to person. some people find love like a plaything and some find interesting and some find it important so they try hard to spend time with the loved ones and not wanting to end up alone with dogs and cats as partners.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

arbed said:


> Hi Elegirl
> 
> You might be right. what is the chance of getting back things normal. everytime i talk she is understanding and i feel its getting better. but i havent spoke to her for 3 days. last time when we spoke she said she dont mind meeting but she doesnt want ineveitable intense talking. what should i do. i want to give a break but every second is bothering me and make it more intense not knowing what future holds


Look at the Plan A link in my signature. Threat the Buddhism thing sort of like it's an affair... its' something that has taken her attention away from you and your marriage. 

Be the best person you can be. Show her all the good things she is giving up by you being that best person. Do it through actions, not words.

When you are with her do not discuss your relationship. That is the last thing she wants right now. Discuss the weather, things of interest, etc.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

arbed said:


> seriously the women are stupd sometimes and thinks men should understand them better and thinks men are stupid always [no offense to womens - this is what i think]


If that is your opinion of women on wonder she does not want to be with you!! 

Both men and women often think that the other should be able to read their minds. It's not just women who do this.


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## arbed (Nov 26, 2011)

EleGirl said:


> If that is your opinion of women on wonder she does not want to be with you!!
> 
> Both men and women often think that the other should be able to read their minds. It's not just women who do this.


i said sometimes. everyone is stupid and crazy sometimes. i dont know how many will admit and i admit that i am more stupid when i compare myself to my wife it doesnt mean she is smartest it means that i do admire her and she always says i am the smartest. we both think we are smart still we are in this situation it shows how stupid we are at sometimes.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

arbed said:


> i said sometimes. everyone is stupid and crazy sometimes. i dont know how many will admit and i admit that i am more stupid when i compare myself to my wife it doesnt mean she is smartest it means that i do admire her and she always says i am the smartest. we both think we are smart still we are in this situation it shows how stupid we are at sometimes.


I have an IQ in the genius range, as does most of my family, my husband and my children. When I see how stupid we can be sometimes… it scares me for the human race. If this is about as good as it gets, we are all doomed :lol:


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## arbed (Nov 26, 2011)

EleGirl said:


> I have an IQ in the genius range, as does most of my family, my husband and my children. When I see how stupid we can be sometimes… it scares me for the human race. If this is about as good as it gets, we are all doomed :lol:


hi. i am looking at your links . its great just showing what i am doing is wrong. i am desperate and needy to work things out sooner rather than later. i go up and down regarding this. we are living away from each other anyway so i am confused what i am supposed to do and it also scares me giving each other time will end up in a separation forever which i really hate to see if it happens. i wish i go coma for next 2 months and i get back to normal when eerything goes good. i know i am pathetic in someways. cant help myself sometime get carried away being stupid

thanks for your links though is its helpful


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## arbed (Nov 26, 2011)

Hi elegirl

just a quick question. when you say no phone calls etc etc. should i never call or text her. but she mentioned i should keep mailing. i dont want to speak anything about the relationship just want to spend sometime on birthday and christmas. can i just send some funny texts. i am just taking things from you - relationship guru of mine. it kind of a help to follow what someone says. hope you dont mind me asking question.s suggestions are wlecome


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

arbed said:


> hi. i am looking at your links . its great just showing what i am doing is wrong. i am desperate and needy to work things out sooner rather than later. i go up and down regarding this. we are living away from each other anyway so i am confused what i am supposed to do and it also scares me giving each other time will end up in a separation forever which i really hate to see if it happens. i wish i go coma for next 2 months and i get back to normal when eerything goes good. i know i am pathetic in someways. cant help myself sometime get carried away being stupid
> 
> thanks for your links though is its helpful


The coma idea might make the pain go away for a while.. but then you could not show her how wonderful you are.

I understand the desperation. That's why working on improving yourself is so important. You can only change yourself. So focus on what you can change. 

When one thing changes in an environment, everything else in the environment has to change in response.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

arbed said:


> Hi elegirl
> 
> just a quick question. when you say no phone calls etc etc. should i never call or text her. but she mentioned i should keep mailing. i dont want to speak anything about the relationship just want to spend sometime on birthday and christmas. can i just send some funny texts. i am just taking things from you - relationship guru of mine. it kind of a help to follow what someone says. hope you dont mind me asking question.s suggestions are wlecome


Keep emailing her for now. Like you said, speak nothing about the relationship for a while. Instead things that interest you, that might interest her... but no more than once every day or two... until she starts to respond.

What to write to her about? 

One thing is to take up some activities and tell her about what you are doing and how you are enjoying it.

Ask her advice in something, like if she's a good cook and has a recipe you would like to try on your own.

Do you like to write? Start a collection of essays and ask her input/opinion on them as you have always respected her intellectual side.


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## arbed (Nov 26, 2011)

EleGirl said:


> Keep emailing her for now. Like you said, speak nothing about the relationship for a while. Instead things that interest you, that might interest her... but no more than once every day or two... until she starts to respond.
> 
> What to write to her about?
> 
> ...


exactly this is where i call myself stupid. i am no good in writing essays or reading book. i play table tennis and she knows i enjoy it and i do it once in every 2 days and she doesnt want to know anything about that as she want both of us to have a separate life. apart from that i ask suggestion about getting a new job. she like jokes so i thought of texting jokes now and then. i dont know what should i mail as she never mails or texts only replies to mine. actually my ego stopped me texting or mailing for last 3 days but my hearts wants to do something about it. probably sending jokes text is the best bet. But i have a question only if we send funny texts or emails when we will discuss the relationship and how you will know where it is?


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## arbed (Nov 26, 2011)

Hello all,

i dont want to post a new thread. hope people can read this and reply me. after month of trying and talking i kind of pissed her off by talking and asking things again and again. finally she admitted the real problem nothing to do with buddhism just the commitment etc. she said i dont want to have kids and i said i am ok with it. but she said i dont want tp have kids, even if i want kids i want them to have my influence but if i do that i might take the kids away from in-laws which isnt good for in-laws and she said we cant live in delhi and it will be difficulties for her and her work and there are lot more issues can come up and thats why she is not seeing a future together and she feels like she wants to be on her own but she also admits things might change but she doesnt see that changes in near future. i said to her i am willing to sacrifice and do anything except losing her. she says she is scared to her that. i do see the cultural commitments and problems in our life but i dont think that would be an issue if i sort this now. i love her as wife and friend but she loves me as a friend and she want good things for me. we both are selfish think about our happiness not willing to give up. if i giveup she will be happy on her own and if she gives up i will be happy with her. at the end of the i should give up but i dont want to. she is wonderful and without her my ife will be dull (it might sound desperate but the truth) but she said if i give her sometime there is a possibilty of getting back together. so i am giving her time from next week and i will move out by that time.

1] do anyone thinks i have chance
2] will she realise that she can be what she is when she is married and i am willing to bend my back as i dont have any definite path to follow as i enjoy the life as it takes but i dont want to lose her
3] what is the best way to win her back like suggestions
4] how long it will take from a women point of view and what should i do in that meantime

thanks for looking into my thread


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