# Tomorrow is our Anniversary



## TexDad034 (Oct 9, 2013)

New Guy here,

My wife and I dated all throughout high school, through college, and eventually moved to a big city to bolster her career. I made the sacrifice and found a job to help her in any way I could. We were best friends, exploring the city, and making new friends together along the way. After 10 years of dating, we married, and things started progressing at an accelerated pace. She landed an amazing job with a large corporation - our goal had been complete! - and I was still with the company I got hired on to and was moving up. Within a year, we bought a house, and soon after had our first child. He is 19 months tomorrow as well, and I could not love him any more than I do.

Approximately 6 months ago, my wife became more and more involved at work. She found herself in a position to manage a large number of contractors and was evolving into a woman of independence, authority, and a whole slew of other adjectives. Her tastes in music changed, she began working out early in the morning, and staying late at work. 

She withdrew herself emotionally, and maternally, and I resisted it, going through every phase of depression, trying to salvage our relationship. I read countless self help books and encouraged her to read them with me. One night, I even attempted to read one of the books to her, only to realize that after I had finished the first chapter, she fell asleep. Eventually she moved out and left me with our son. 

A month and a half after moving out she called me to say she got her own apartment and was coming to take our son. I had previously drawn a line in the sand that once crossed, would leave me with no choice but to file for divorce. She had just crossed that line. I switched gears from saving the marriage, to salvaging my time with our son. We just had our temporary hearing and I am fortunate enough to have him half of the school week, and she gets him on the weekends. Prior to her officially moving in her apartment, I hired a PI to see where she was staying, as she told me she was staying with a female coworker. He uncovered she was staying at one of her contractor's house and probably had been for a while. I even unknowingly let this man in my house as he was there with two other men to help her move her stuff out of my house. 

So here we are now. We have been ordered to keep contact through Our Family Wizard, and the communication has actually been better than it has been in months. Unfortunately, our anniversary is tomorrow, and I can only imagine she will wake up tomorrow with him in her bed, or vice versa. The affair is finally taking its toll on me, as it never really seemed to bother me as of yet. Perhaps it is because I swallowed that bullet long before the affair was confirmed. 

I am a man of faith, and was raised to ALWAYS forgive. I know that I can see past her trespasses, and I am always ready to reconcile. For me, it would also mean being able to spend every day with my son, a prize worth any sacrifice to me. I love his mother dearly, and still cannot process or begin to understand what she has done or how she is feeling. These last few months have only been a sliver of our life together, and I know forwardly thinking, would be an even smaller slice of our lives to come. 

Words of encouragement would go a long way today as tomorrow unfolds. Until then....


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## smallsteps (Feb 23, 2013)

Sorry you find yourself here. I had a similar situation where my stbxh left me for someone he had worked with. We were married almost 25 years and he worked with the woman 20 years ago and kept in touch with her when he left his job in 2005.

It's very hard to digest because they go to work and you never assume this can happen while they're there.

One word of advice I can give you is to try to make your anniversary day as normal as possible. "Just another day, just another number" is how I got through what would have been my 25th and its the same suggestion I've given others on this board.

Try to distract yourself. Go out, contact friends, do something for yourself. You will get through the day. Most of us have when we faced our anniversaries. The key is not to sit a wallow about it.

Keep posting here. There are plenty of people with lots of good advice to help you through this. Just take it one day at a time.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Have you exposed to her family? Find out what you can about this "contractor". Heck make a formal complaint. Put him up on cheaterville.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Why are you not exposing her cheating and unethical behavior?

Fight for you family and child!

Expose her at work
Expose to her family
Post the OM up on cheaterville.com

Forgiving doesn't mean being a passive doormat.


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## LaQueso (Dec 30, 2012)

Sorry that you have to deal with this. It's good that you are making sure you are the stable person in your son's life.
I was told to do something nice for myself. I turned my anniversary into a celebration of something else. My first anni seperated was only a month after DDay. I made plans to celebrate with my kids the start of our family. I bought a cake and a favorite local brewery had released a perfect brew, so I bought a six pack and planned to hang out with my neighbors. STBXH had come to play with the kids and ended up lingering and doing some shots while my neighbor teased him mercilessly.
This year I had another cake and the brewery had released another perfect seasonal brew. My kids and I had toasts and celebrated our family. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## TexDad034 (Oct 9, 2013)

What are the ramifications of doing that? Exposing her at work? Who would I call to do that? What sort of consequences could she face? To me there is a huge conflict of interest since the man is he foreman for the contracting company that worms for hers. She is in charge of safety and training for these contractors. Lastly is it a bad idea to proceed with this during our temporary orders/cooling off period? Again She committed perjury 3 times on the stand and for each time I have video/photo evidence of the proof.


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## Jntrs (Feb 13, 2013)

you've handled this the right way, seems like shes chasing butterflies and that wont last.

cant tell you anything others already have, as far as celebrating, dont bother to say anything, and just celebrate your son, i'd do it alone, and if she wants to do something for him she can do it on her own time, then again thats me

good luck, and try to keep it together specially for your kid, i know easier said than done.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

TexDad034 said:


> What are the ramifications of doing that? Exposing her at work? Who would I call to do that? What sort of consequences could she face? To me there is a huge conflict of interest since the man is he foreman for the contracting company that worms for hers. She is in charge of safety and training for these contractors. Lastly is it a bad idea to proceed with this during our temporary orders/cooling off period? Again She committed perjury 3 times on the stand and for each time I have video/photo evidence of the proof.


You didn't challenge her on the perjury? Wow.


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## TexDad034 (Oct 9, 2013)

It was only a temp hearing. I guess we should have but wanted to save all of the big cards for mediation or the final hearing. She came out guns a blazing attacking me rather than proving herself to be a capable mother. I used the time to build my credibility. I suppose that is why she lost the first battle. Unfortunately since she is not abusive or a drug user the judge ordered that she share him 50/50 with her watching him on the weekends. She pays all of daycare and all of our medical. She pays the car note. And vet bills for four dogs and a cat. I keep house and get him Monday 8 am - Thursday 5 pm. 

Spoke with atty and she advised we hold back and not contact her employer so we can still show that I am the victim.


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## smallsteps (Feb 23, 2013)

Exposing the affair sometimes "snaps" them out of the affair fog so the fantasy world they have built comes crashing down and they possibly decide to want to give their marriage a second chance.

Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. It's up to you how to proceed.

If there isn't a shot of this your lawyer is probably right, keep yourself looking like the wronged party.

I did not expose my stbxh affair. Over time though it has been just through normal interactions with people. It's only driven them closer together. It didn't change anything.


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## TexDad034 (Oct 9, 2013)

Today went well. I celebrated my son as suggested and we had a fantastic time. After a quick dinner at our favorite Mexican joint we came home and hopped on our bike. He rides between me and the handlebars on a kangaroo seat and we went to the park. We do this everyday but today was special. He was far more patient than a typical 19mo old and he enjoyed the entire evening. Today was his 19mo birthday so we made it about that. The courts have ordered mom and me to keep contact on our family wizard. During the day there isn't much reason to chat on there. It does let me see when she last logs on and I could see that she was logging on more than usual. As if she wanted me to bring up our anniversary or something. I didn't cave and only answered in short answers. Feeling stronger today than I imagined. One down, many more to come.


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## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

I initially didn't look forward to our anniversary date as our anniversary was always a big deal in our relationship. I tried to not think about the day when it actually had come but I did spend time thinking about the good times we had in prior years. 
She never tried to contact me and I didn't try and contact her either. I ended up going to a friends house, my best friend growing up, and we cooked a big meal for him and his son. Mainly cause I just didn't feel like sitting around the house dwelling on the date. So I kept busy and the day came and went.


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## Juicy (Nov 15, 2011)

TexDad034, sorry you are in this situation but I was glad to hear you had a good day on what was your wedding anniversary, spending time with your son sounded lovely!

My H left me and started a relationship with a woman he worked with (he only waited two weeks after he ended things with me to go running off to her). We started dating in high school too, and throughout university we were together. In total we were together for five years. 

I know it completely sucks how the one you love and are married to can just easily walk away from it all. And ehat makes it worse is when they start a relationship with someone else so soon. 

One thing I have to say is from your posts you seem so forgiving, not that being forgving is a bad thing. It's just I admire the way you are conducting yourself and handling things. I think not allowing something like this destroy you is key, because in the beginning that's what I was doing. 

I hope things get better for you soon and try to focus on yourself and your son.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Why make it easy for her and posOM to screw you in this manner?


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## TexDad034 (Oct 9, 2013)

I am not trying to make anything easy for her. She came by to pick up some of her last stuff, and made a pass at me stating she was only trying to make things easier for our son. I retorted that I knew everything about what she had done. She had a stupid look on her face like she was still in denial. It's amazing what lengths people you think you know will go to justify their actions. I cant wait for her to fall flat on her face.


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## tainted (Aug 16, 2013)

If you haven't already, take a STD test and DNA test your son. 

Also exposing her to mutual friends and family will gather support for you.


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