# 7 months since he left.... still with OW



## Honeystly (Mar 1, 2012)

So here's my update. It's been seven months since my husband left me for an 18 year old ex student of his... I feel like I finally turned a corner, although I still feel down a LOT. While I am dealing with the fact that this is my life now, I cannot reconcile myself with the fact that he brings her around my kids. For those who remember, the first time I caught him, I slapped him. I'm not proud of it, but my kids are 2 and a half, and 7 months old. We are not able to divorce until Jan, as the law requires us to be separated for a year. It absolutely kills me that he wouldn't even give the kids a grace period to get used to the new reality

I mean, ****, they are still building their primary relationships with us! There's the rub I think. He wants the kids to probably always remember her, and feel like she's their mother. That seriously, ****s me to tears. THis interloper's deodorant makes me gag... when I smell it on my babies. It makes me want to cry and I just lose my will to live, every time he has them. He has them once a week, once! They don't even get 'dad time' alone with him then. It's just all so sad. 

As for me, I'm back at work, and actually being the most successful I've ever been. Go figure. I pay my mortgage, see my friends, cook dinner every night, take good care of my babies. They seem very happy, which makes my life worth living. I have completely distanced myself from my stbxh. I don't even attempt to text him, even about the kids, unless it's an emergency. The new issue seems to be his new 'gf'. She just won't quit posting stuff about me. Vindictive stuff, belittling stuff, stupid bit*chy teen stuff on fb. My friends tell me about it sometimes, if it's something particularly stupid (I quit FB). She just won't f*uck off! She won. What the hell does she want? Shouldn't she be happy now? He's all hers. She is beginning to seriously creep me out:BoomSmilie_anim:

Seems like she's now bitter that I get to keep the house, and seems to think she should me mom. Over my dead body. She's 18 for Christ's sake. This is so sick. I have removed myself from this twisted triangle, but she just keeps at it. Insolent, arrogant teen. I keep ignoring it, but honestly, it pisses me off. I'm not the person who others walk all over normally. I RESENT the intrusion into my life. First she weaseled her way into my ex's life, then broke apart my marriage, now she won't quit till I'm dead or something like it. Psycho. If my and my ex can let it go, why the hell can't she. I'm sure he talks **** to her about me, but this is ridiculous. What a rescuer she is.... Ehhh, gross. Any advice friends?


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## Shooboomafoo (Mar 30, 2011)

Heyyyy Honeystly!!!
18???
ABsolutely NO future there. You know it. This 18 yr old is going to act upon her immaturity, and one way or another its going to end. 
The issue with the kids being around her is one that I empathize with completely. My ex moved a guy into our marital home 3 months after I moved out. My daughter is 10, so I dont know what goes thru her mind when shes over there for a week at a time.
All this talk from an 18yr old should be dismissed by you as the ramblings of a child. Becuase thats what they are. Your ex is going to get his nutz squashed big time when it comes to being used and tossed away like the old codger her friends will see him as. It wont work, it cant work, and once her friends get to looking at their situation, she will not be able to dismiss their influence. 

Thats a really fked up situation, and i feel for you, I really do. The only similarity in our situations is the speed with which the ex involved herself completely with another person and moved him right in with her. Regardless of our kid, regardless of parenting classes, regardless of intelligent sense. 

I think you have the best plan of action, by taking care of your kids and moving on with your life. Youve expressed some very powerful strengths i.e. job is going well, you are doing well financially, and your kids are okay, despite the ridiculous b.s. your stbxh is tripping out on. 
Sit back and watch the disaster happen. Be there for your kids when it does, they will need a place to go where its safe.
Your stbxh is buying himself a nightmare of irreparable damage getting involved with this youngin, and I guarantee its going to end badly for him.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Where's your original thread so that I can reread it?


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## Honeystly (Mar 1, 2012)

Hey thanks,
Yeah I know he's definitely going to come out of this in pieces! She's a nutter. I just seriously resent her in my life. She seems to have invaded my personal space, knows everything about me and I just want her to f*ck off. Seriously, if he wants her in his life, great. I want her to stay the hell away from me. It's sooo intursive. It makes me feel violated in a way. I feel so bad for my little ones, having to be around her, probably get attached and the poof.


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## Honeystly (Mar 1, 2012)

Next time around go to my profile and there is the thread 'my husband left me for an 18 year old'. Thanks for taking your time.


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## Honeystly (Mar 1, 2012)

then poof! gone (that's what I meant above)


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## Shooboomafoo (Mar 30, 2011)

Did your husband start on any prescriptions just prior to all this happening?


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## Honeystly (Mar 1, 2012)

Nope. I was pregnant and he got the 7 year itch.


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## Honeystly (Mar 1, 2012)

His dad is bi-polar, but I don't think it applies to him. Just a frustrated musician wanting to feel special


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## survivorwife (May 15, 2012)

Honeystly said:


> Hey thanks,
> Yeah I know he's definitely going to come out of this in pieces! She's a nutter. I just seriously resent her in my life. She seems to have invaded my personal space, knows everything about me and I just want her to f*ck off. Seriously, if he wants her in his life, great. I want her to stay the hell away from me. It's sooo intursive. It makes me feel violated in a way. I feel so bad for my little ones, having to be around her, probably get attached and the poof.


Actually no, she doesn't know everything about you. She only knows your Xs "version" of you. She was never your friend, your confident, and could not possible know the workings of your mind. And, to top that off, she is a teenager who has no life experience from which to judge you at any level.

She is nothing more to your children than a babysitter, and will never replace you as their mother, so please don't worry about the children getting attached to her on any serious level. Babysitters come and go; Mom is forever.

Your X is a fool for involving himself with that teen, however, with a little patience I'm betting that Karma is going to play him in spades and that, once you are over the pain and hurt of his betrayal, you may end up having a huge laugh over his antics once this phase of his wears off.

Look to the future. You will be just fine. The "teen" has a lot of growing up to do and her new "man" (who incidentally already has cheated on one woman) is not such a prize. She will find out at some point. As for your children, you are and always will be their mom, and no "babysitter" can change that relationship.


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## ing (Mar 26, 2011)

Hey!
Just to let you know..
At 15 months the love of her life suddenly started looking pretty ordinary. It is over for her.
I am three weeks from a court date which ends it all.
Your H is an idiot. Sorry, but he is. Shoo has it right. He is interesting for the kid [18 year old] now but in about a million years [ any day now] she is going to look at him and see an old man. It's all relative..


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## Lone Star (Feb 2, 2012)

I feel for you. My husband left our family after 20 years for a woman 14 years younger than him. They now live together with her children. My youngest son (18) told me the other day that he wants a relationship with his father but wants nothing to do with his girlfriend. He then told me that he was afraid he would be forced to accept her if he wants a relationship with his father. I told him that was not true. He does not have to accept her and that a relationship is a two way street. If his father really wants a relationship with him then he should respect his wishes. There is no reason that my son can't have a relationship with his father witout accepting her. His father could make special arrangements to spend time with his son without her being present but he doesn't. My husband has seen our son 3 times this year, once was my son going to him, once because my husband was in town on a business trip and took a couple hours out of his day to see his son and the last time was my son's high school graduation of which they spent about 3 hours together. It angers me that my son feels he must accept this woman in order to have a relationship with his father. At this point the only realtionship my son has with his father is through telephone and text. My husband and your husband are nothing but selfish people living in some fantasy land of gumdrops and lollipops.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

I am really happy that you have turned a corner aren't contacting him and are successful at work and home. That is GREAT news! See? You survived the first 6 months! 

But this..........

2x4 time



Honeystly said:


> The new issue seems to be his new 'gf'. She just won't quit posting stuff about me. Vindictive stuff, belittling stuff, stupid bit*chy teen stuff on fb. My friends tell me about it sometimes, if it's something particularly stupid (I quit FB). She just won't f*uck off! She won. What the hell does she want?


STOP LOOKING AT HER FACEBOOK/TWITTER. I have been telling you that since you started posting on TAM!!!! It is keeping you stuck, knowing what she is saying. 

If you are in fact, not checking these things anymore nd it's your friends telling you, tell them "I know you are concerned about me but I really do not want to hear anything about him or her and what they write online. I prefer not to know. It helps me heal." Kapiche!

Out of sight, out of mind!

Btw, she's only 18. I seriously doubt t hey will make it in the long run. A newly divorced dude who has two tiny babies and walked out on his life and an 18 year old playing step-girlfriend? haha. yeah right. The mind doesn't even fully develop til 25. 

But nonetheless--don't worry about her or him. Move on, sista!


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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

Honeystly said:


> Seems like she's now bitter that I get to keep the house, and seems to think she should me mom.


You screwed up her plan. She thought that he would keep everything and you would just get booted out of the house, so everything would be all ready for her to step in and take over. Pisses her off now that it didn't go down like that and she found out you aren't disposable. She probably role played it all out with her Barbie and Ken dolls.


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## Honeystly (Mar 1, 2012)

Hahaha, Jellybeans!
Yes the 2x4 is very well earned. No I don't check anymore. My friends tell me the really nonsensical stuff and laugh about it, but you are right, I will tell them not to anymore. Everything is much easier now. Not easy, but easier. Yeah, I survived so far. Now I just have to get this paranoia of her stalking me out of my mind. I swear, she probably sits in the bushes outside my house most nights

ing, 
so it took 15 months for your ex's new relationship to hit the wall. Excellent. I give this trainwreck about 3 years, simply because I think my ex will try to prove a point to himself for a while....

Lone Star, 
I have been following your posts and man, your husband sucks too! It's the forcibly trying to incorporate the OW into our kids lives that's the worst, isn't it? Like just because they 'love' her, the kids automatically must, no matter how sick the whole thing is.Keep me updated when his relationship hits the wall. I'll have a drink for you. He's a dumbass. You figure a grownup would realise when they are pushing their children away. What a price to pay for a piece of ass. Wife, home, friends, respect and finally, children.


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## Honeystly (Mar 1, 2012)

DawnD, that's what I think too. She wanted the guy who was a husband, a dad, a home owner, a respected person. She wanted who I have influenced (and paid for) him to be. Unfortunately, when he stands on his two own feet, there's not much to him. She just wanted to be me, in this situation. Unfortunately, as soon as he wasn't with me, but her, his whole circumstances turned into a joke. She shouldn't be pissed off at me, she should be pissed off at herself. She failed to make him a better man... how naive. How bitter. I'm the one who is supposed to be bitter here...


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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

Honeystly said:


> DawnD, that's what I think too. She wanted the guy who was a husband, a dad, a home owner, a respected person. She wanted who I have influenced (and paid for) him to be. Unfortunately, when he stands on his two own feet, there's not much to him. She just wanted to be me, in this situation. Unfortunately, as soon as he wasn't with me, but her, his whole circumstances turned into a joke. She shouldn't be pissed off at me, she should be pissed off at herself. She failed to make him a better man... how naive. How bitter. I'm the one who is supposed to be bitter here...


 You know that and I know that, but she won't get it for quite a while. The good news is that YOU know that, and now you know that you are a WOMAN not a little girl sitting around and waiting to take someone else's place in life, you have your own life entirely. Let her post and be pissed. People are smart enough to know what is going on.


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## iheartlife (Apr 4, 2012)

Honeystly, you must be sooo proud of yourself and how far you've come.

I would tell my friends that they can monitor her, but only insofar as they think there is something that would place your children in immediate danger. They are only to inform you in those circumstances, but everything else is damaging your recovery and is not useful for your health.

But all that said, I know you don't think it's funny that she posts about you...but I do! I find it hysterical and very satisfying, actually. Because you realize what this means, right? She is massively, _massively_ threatened by you. As well she should be. She's just 18--she is not self-supporting, she doesn't have a career that she's good at, like you do. I'm sure every now and then there's a little dig or comparison made by your ex.

And what does she get to do once a week? play with HIS children that he had with YOU. She gets to see, from the front row, that he has a bond with you that is NEVER going to go away. (I know you wish it would, by magic, but the point is, she does, too.) She probably also doesn't want to have kids right now, so she's boxed in; the fastest way to make your children second-best for him is to have her own, but that isn't what she wants for a long time. So all she gets to do right now is pout.

These aren't her kids, and frankly, that's what I'd be concerned about in terms of their spending time together. She is immature in general (that's what it means to be 18) but she's likely far more immature than most. As a result, she probably makes a very, very poor stepmother. I don't mean to raise your anxiety levels, but statistics bear out that someone in her case is likely to (at least) neglect your kids when they're in her care. I sincerely hope he is NEVER leaving the kids alone with her, but I realize that is to some extent outside of your control.


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## Bentley'sMom (Jul 10, 2012)

Honeystly, is there a possibility you could move back to where you lived before? You are in a different country becuase of your ex, right? I know it would be tough on the kids not seeing their Dad but if he only sees them once a week, and she's there all the time, it's not much of a relationship. Just wondered as it would certainly get her out of your and their lives.


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## Falene (Dec 31, 2011)

The issue of your ex-husband's girlfriend making unkind comments about you on FB is not to be ignored.

She has direct contact with your children. Do you think she is mature enough to keep her dislike of you to herself? Probably not. The very fact your ex has not made her stop such poor behavior only concerns me more.

I would make screen prints of every single crappy thing she has ever posted about you and hand them to your lawyer. A restraining order preventing her from making such comments on social websites AND to your children is in serious order. In addition, someone needs to consider what negative impact her view of you will have on your young children.


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## iheartlife (Apr 4, 2012)

That's a good point--as much as you want to stay in Oz so the kids can be around their dad, is it outweighed by exposure to her and other chickiepoos he may be exposing them to. Have you thought any further about leaving?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## survivorwife (May 15, 2012)

Falene said:


> The issue of your ex-husband's girlfriend making unkind comments about you on FB is not to be ignored.
> 
> She has direct contact with your children. Do you think she is mature enough to keep her dislike of you to herself? Probably not. The very fact your ex has not made her stop such poor behavior only concerns me more.
> 
> I would make screen prints of every single crappy thing she has ever posted about you and hand them to your lawyer. A restraining order preventing her from making such comments on social websites AND to your children is in serious order. In addition, someone needs to consider what negative impact her view of you will have on your young children.


Not a bad idea! Screen Shots. Lawyer. Restraining Order. 

There's something about creating a paper trail with which to minimize contact with the children would certainly put a damper into her little "love nest"


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## sunshinetoday (Mar 7, 2012)

Honeystly you have handled everything so well. You are doing what you gotta do and being a great mother. I respect you very much. 

Plus I can just bet, they are not as happy as you think, and I also doubt very much their relationship will last. You will see. 


Best of luck to you and your little ones!!


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## Honeystly (Mar 1, 2012)

Thanks guys. I'm moving on. She keeps trying to pull me back in, but me and stbxh are moving on. Odd.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

That's why you need to axe her from your mind completely. Don't worry about her. 
Do YOU.


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## Honeystly (Mar 1, 2012)

I forgot to mention another little update. When he left 7 months ago, he was in the studio recording another album with our money and seemed on such a high. I think he was convinced this was the big moment for him. He went on 4 national tours last year, while with me. So far this year, nothing came of his recording. It's August now. He was meant to go touring and so far hasn't gone anywhere even once. His tour this month just got axed... he told me today. Seems like things aren't working out for him as he planned. I swing between gloating to myself and feeling pity for him for being such a naive fool. I guess the situation is gaining clarity. He f*cked up his life, and it's more and more obvious. He fully avoids me now. Leaves the door open when he comes to drop off the kids. I guess he's not allowed to even talk to me. Little lass has his ball in the jar and the lid is on tiiiight. I'm ok with that, finally. He's digging his own grave here after all.


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## NinaNina (Jul 21, 2012)

Earlier in this thread, you said the the OW won. I disagree. From what you've written here, it looks like you've won, in spades. You lost the excess baggage of the WH, kept your two beautiful babies for 6/7 of the time, and are moving on. Your ex and the OW are in a rut of their making and just beginning to realize it!


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

Honeystly,

Keep moving ahead with your life.

Divorce him. 

Of course he is frustrated. His music sucks. And I listened to the whole song......

After you D come home.

HM64


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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

Honeystly said:


> I forgot to mention another little update. When he left 7 months ago, he was in the studio recording another album with our money and seemed on such a high. I think he was convinced this was the big moment for him. He went on 4 national tours last year, while with me. So far this year, nothing came of his recording. It's August now. He was meant to go touring and so far hasn't gone anywhere even once. His tour this month just got axed... he told me today. Seems like things aren't working out for him as he planned. I swing between gloating to myself and feeling pity for him for being such a naive fool. I guess the situation is gaining clarity. He f*cked up his life, and it's more and more obvious. He fully avoids me now. Leaves the door open when he comes to drop off the kids. I guess he's not allowed to even talk to me. Little lass has his ball in the jar and the lid is on tiiiight. I'm ok with that, finally. He's digging his own grave here after all.


 And you should LET him. its the least you can do since he put so much effort into you and your family, right? Let him dig his own grave, and let her slowly lose her attraction for him. He is gonna feel like an arse, and almost everyone that knows her will know she was the OW. I bet her friends won't leave her alone with their love interests anymore LMAO.

You are doing so well, keep at it and you are going to find a happiness you never knew existed.


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## badbane (Jun 9, 2012)

The OW is just insecure and controlling. She is insecure in her relationship with your STBXH and is lashing out at you. The best way to deal with this is to just deal with it. If she starts annoying you start recording phone calls and have a restraining order put on her. Just record any phone calls and write down anything harassing that she does. Then go to the judge some him your evidence and poof the next time she calls acting like a brat boom jail time. ignore them but don't you dare take any crap from that piece of trash.


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## Honeystly (Mar 1, 2012)

happyman64. Funny you bring that up. Yesterday, I asked my ex about his upcoming tour, as it was meant to be on a friday when he has the kids and I wanted to come up with some care arrangements as I work. He said it was canned. Last year he went on 4 tours, then in Jan he left me. When he did, he said all he wanted to do was to hang out with his kids and play music. Ok... Fast forward 7 months and he sees the kids twice a week, not even taking advantage of the time he has. He can keep them until 6:30 on Fridays, as they are his full days. Instead, he drops them off at 5, because he has rehearsal... he could move it, but he doesn't.
When I text him to help with the kids when they are sick, he never never answers, or answers that he's got something on. So there goes the spending time with kids bit. ( I do continue texting when they are sick, as I am gathering evidence that he is a ****e dad, in case I need it later). 

As for the tour, his new thing is that it's pointless since all it does is give you hits on fb. OOOOkkk, so how do you get exposure then? He used to be so driven, paid the ultimate price to go after his dream since I guess his family held him back. Now he barely gigs, and doesn't even tour. I never though he would give up on music, that's all he is-a muso. It absolutely blows my mind that he gave up wife, kids, house, friends, respect and now his biggest love, music, for this *****! What the hell is he doing? I supported him for nearly 8 years in his dream, and now he just drifts. Lost his focus, lost his mind really. What the hell is it about this broad that got him so loopy? He's just a former ghost of himself. It creeps me out that he believes this girl is the key to his happiness. Na-a.


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## Bentley'sMom (Jul 10, 2012)

Sounds like reality is hitting him!
He can probably see that he'll never be the rock God he hoped he would be. The music industry is harsh.
He thought the young girl was part of his image, no doubt.
I am sure one day, if he hasn't already, he'll realise his mistake, even if he doesn't ever admit it. The fact he is being a crap excuse for a Dad is unforgiveable. He sounds like a complete fool.


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## iheartlife (Apr 4, 2012)

Well, he can't admit he made a mistake. That would require some humility. Maybe he will find some eventually, but some people just keep rationalizing their choices indefinitely, leaving destruction in their wake.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

Honeystly

It is good you see the real him. Document his actions for the right time.

The key for you is to make a plan to move on without him.

You deserve a life too!

Your children deserve a life as well.

And I really think his young chippie was just that a young chippie. She will just be another excuse why his career never made it.

Do not let him se you and your kids as another excuse.

You deserve a real man.

I will leave out "American" in front of the man for you.

Keep being strong. Good things will happen for you in a few more months. 

HM64


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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

Honeystly said:


> happyman64. Funny you bring that up. Yesterday, I asked my ex about his upcoming tour, as it was meant to be on a friday when he has the kids and I wanted to come up with some care arrangements as I work. He said it was canned. Last year he went on 4 tours, then in Jan he left me. When he did, he said all he wanted to do was to hang out with his kids and play music. Ok... Fast forward 7 months and he sees the kids twice a week, not even taking advantage of the time he has. He can keep them until 6:30 on Fridays, as they are his full days. Instead, he drops them off at 5, because he has rehearsal... he could move it, but he doesn't.
> When I text him to help with the kids when they are sick, he never never answers, or answers that he's got something on. So there goes the spending time with kids bit. ( I do continue texting when they are sick, as I am gathering evidence that he is a ****e dad, in case I need it later).
> 
> As for the tour, his new thing is that it's pointless since all it does is give you hits on fb. OOOOkkk, so how do you get exposure then? He used to be so driven, paid the ultimate price to go after his dream since I guess his family held him back. Now he barely gigs, and doesn't even tour. I never though he would give up on music, that's all he is-a muso. It absolutely blows my mind that he gave up wife, kids, house, friends, respect and now his biggest love, music, for this *****! What the hell is he doing? I supported him for nearly 8 years in his dream, and now he just drifts. Lost his focus, lost his mind really. What the hell is it about this broad that got him so loopy? He's just a former ghost of himself. It creeps me out that he believes this girl is the key to his happiness. Na-a.


 Maybe she is. Maybe she has the magical va-jay-jay. Who knows. All you know, is that he left for her, you are raising your children and he has next to nothing to do with them. Don't worry about his music career, if he wants to piss it away he will. Once rock bottom comes, he is gonna have quite the hole to dig himself out of. Any by then, hopefully you will be truly truly happy with your life and just wish him the best of luck in his endeavors.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

La La Land isn't so La La or she wouldn't have time to be dissing you. The more she obsesses with you, the more you know they are going through hell. Some things are meant to be. You are meant to find a real man instead of Peter Pan to help you raise your kids. Or, just to keep them away from him and his ilk.

You got lucky.


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## Mr Blunt (Jul 18, 2012)

Honeystly

Just keep being the best mom to your children. *No one has a chance to win a child over his mom if that mom is a good one.*

You will have to wait years to see my statement is true but you will see. Play your cards for the future. In a few years if you take the right actions what your ex does or his 18 year old sperm deposit does will be of little or no interest to you and your children will be the light of your life.

I know that may not help you right now but it will be of great value to you in the years ahead. As for right now, MAKE yourself get interested in something so far far away from anything to do with the 18 year old sperm deposit and your ex.


Unless your husband is really good and lucky he will be medicocre at best in being succsessful as a musician. Mediocre musicians are a dime a dozen. 

Another fact, adultreous musicians have a very poor success rate with teenage brides. When the excitment wears off your ex will realize that this immature teenage dreamer has been talking trash about his childen's mother. *if he is any kind of a decesnt man he will look out for his children's welfare and good mother over an adultress teenager with no wisdom.*


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## ReturnOfTheKitty (Aug 11, 2012)

Mr Blunt said:


> *No one has a chance to win a child over his mom if that mom is a good one.*




People can be so manipulative that its actually possible. Women have been doing that to fathers for ages now, denying visitation, painting a bad picture. I can't see how a man won't do the same especially if he's a sneaky one. Its been done before. But having said that I'm pretty sure OP's going to be the best mum she can be.


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## Honeystly (Mar 1, 2012)

I'm trying to figure out if talking about this helps me or hinders me at this point.... I keep thinking about how he left to 'play music' and hang out with the kids, and he has been doing a **** job at both. The latest is that his family blames me for EVERYTHING and it just blows my mind to no end. He cheated on me while pregnant, left me right after the birth, has replaced me with an 18 year old, his family accepts her, never me.... Now he's backing out of music, which is what he went to uni for, so... what the hell is he doing exactly.

Then I have that little disease talking **** about me on public forums. Never uses my name though, she's not that stupid. I find it so hard to deal with this interloper. No conversation I have with my stbxh goes unfiltered and spelled back to her. I never invited her into my life. This was MY marriage! I can't even grieve and get a divorce alone... there she is. Everywhere I turn. Around my ex when we text, all over the internet, around my children. When I smell her deodorant on my babies it makes me want to get violent. I just want to move on. And I want her out of my life. It's none of her business. None of it!

Thanks for letting me rant.


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## Bentley'sMom (Jul 10, 2012)

Rant away! You have every right to be furious.
I am sure your stbxh and her have done a good job demonising you to the family, just to make their sick antics more acceptable. It's a nasty situation, and whilst it is of course your life and your decision, I really would think abut getting back home to your family and friends and be around supportive people who love you. Then you wouldn't have to deal with them every day.
I am in a similar situation to you, in that I moved to another country to be with my stbxh and gave up everything, and he still decided to cheat, and leave me to live with someone else (without my knowledge and without asking for a divorce!). It's tough not having a support network, I know. I don't really speak to mine, and we have no kids, and I am sure he is painting me as the worst person ever to people who know what he's done (not many as his reputation is so important to him). I just know I want those toxic f*****s out my life, and have to deal with them for several more months. Oh, and he is still denying living with her, even with lawyers involved. 
She is one ugly witch but earns lots of money like him, and that';s all part of his big ideal plan - just like yours thinks his is. These sick individuals will get nothing but bad karma eventually. You are the better person, just remember that.


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## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

Honeystly, I think you're too preoccupied with his life and well being. At this point, it shouldn't even cross your mind whether or not he's successful musically or what some bratty 18 old says on internet forums (that no one visits) about a person no one would probably know. Moreover the opinion of his family should again mean absolutely nothing to you. Where were they when he abandoned you and his children? now their opinion matters so much? I don't think so.

If you think about it, you're the person that actually won in all this. Despite his deplorable actions in breaking up your family, you're the one that ended up more successful, a much better parent and a brighter future ahead of you. He on the other hand is getting gigs cancelled left, right and center, his passion for his music has dissipated and now he's left with a crazy teenager that'll probably dump him as soon as his band folds. His chickens have come home to roost.

I understand that you'd feel a sense of sadness for him given your history but again, this man has shown absolutely no compassion despite everything you've given him. He had the world but he threw it away for cheap thrills. You can't consume yourself with his failure, he did it to himself. 

It's a only a few more months and you can have the both of them out of your lives. If you get primary custody, you can arrange the time and place he takes them, which means, well away from the teen brat. 

Best of luck


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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

Honeystly said:


> I'm trying to figure out if talking about this helps me or hinders me at this point.... I keep thinking about how he left to 'play music' and hang out with the kids, and he has been doing a **** job at both. The latest is that his family blames me for EVERYTHING and it just blows my mind to no end. He cheated on me while pregnant, left me right after the birth, has replaced me with an 18 year old, his family accepts her, never me.... Now he's backing out of music, which is what he went to uni for, so... what the hell is he doing exactly.
> 
> Then I have that little disease talking **** about me on public forums. Never uses my name though, she's not that stupid. I find it so hard to deal with this interloper. No conversation I have with my stbxh goes unfiltered and spelled back to her. I never invited her into my life. This was MY marriage! I can't even grieve and get a divorce alone... there she is. Everywhere I turn. Around my ex when we text, all over the internet, around my children. When I smell her deodorant on my babies it makes me want to get violent. I just want to move on. And I want her out of my life. It's none of her business. None of it!
> 
> Thanks for letting me rant.


 Don't let other people tell you who you are or what you are worth. HIS family likes her eh? Well of course they do, she is made of the same moral fiber that he is. What does that say about you? NOTHING. It says these people would rather be in the company of people who have no moral compass. 

Pity her. She is 18, in a relationship with a man who will leave her is something different comes along and can spark his interest. 

Celebrate that it is no longer YOUR problem!


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## iheartlife (Apr 4, 2012)

I'd focus with a laser beam on going back to the U.S. If you prefer to stay in Australia, maybe pick another town / city. This would be a project to work toward. Get away from their toxic influence.

I know it breaks your heart to separate the kids from their dad. But he and his family are so disrespectful to you. Such cultural snobs. I am not you, but I question whether that is healthy to expose your children to their ideas.

I agree, I wouldn't dwell on him or his choices. They have no logic except what "feels good" at the mo. Don't be angry that he's changed his mind. That's what 30 year olds going on 18 do.


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## Honeystly (Mar 1, 2012)

Update,
My life continues to be a freak show. Crazy stalker posow now officially joined my stbxh's band. WTF??? I supported that ****ing band for 8 years.... He used to have his rehearsals every friday night and it was his time, he called it his 'job'. So now she's even there. Yoko. She was right on her twitter crap before he left me.. she wrote back then that they will be inseparable-they are. I swear if they get famous and she becomes wealthy I will flip out. At least she can make sure no other minor stalkers follow him to gigs like she used to, and he won't cheat on her like he did to me.
I also hear she finally started college with a psychology major (I have a psych degree besides my teaching degree). This sucks. Talk about replacing somebody. And please crew, don't stick it to me for knowing this stuff. If I could not think about this, I would. Seeing my IC next week (the soonest I can). I'm doing my best, so please don't get pissed at me. I'm just so repulsed. She keeps hanging around my kids. Taking a child psych. class now, I suppose to train to be a kid expert. I just want her to go away! She's now friends with all our mutual friends I'm no longer pals with. I'm sick to my stomach. ****ing interloper.

I would like to wake up from this nightmare.
On a funny side note when I turned 30 the Dept of heath and aging in OZ sent me this 'you're getting old and here's your health benefit update' letter. STBXH laughed back then (I'm 2 years older). His 'you're an old fart' letter came in today. Welcome to the club. It will be 12 (!) years before she gets hers.

Any words of encouragement will be welcome right about now. Sorry to sound pathetic. Bleh


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## chumplady (Jul 27, 2012)

Please explain to me, seriously, why it's nearly a year later and you haven't divorced his sorry musician ass yet?

I was going to say divorce him just for supporting his man child ass for 8 years, let alone doing something as revolting as cheating with an 18 year old wingnut. 

So -- please explain where you stand in the lawyering up department. He needs to be out of your life -- utterly. With support and visitation papers worked up, with a no contact clause for the 18 year old. (Not that she'll be around forever, she won't.)

The OW isn't your problem -- if she's truly harassing you (and i like the idea of printing out her rants and showing your lawyer), have your lawyer send her a letter and get a NC order in your visitation agreement. 

She didn't win any prize. She wants to THINK she did and she probably LOVES the drama of the triangle. As long as you ACT like he's a prize (OMG, he's NOT), then you feed her. She does get to feel triumphant. The more MEH you are, the better this is for you. Detach. Practice indifference. 

Someone wrote to me with a really similar situation. 
Dear Chump Lady, Can I Keep the OW Away from My Kids?

You can try in an order to keep OW from the kids, but in reality, you cannot police your ex. He's going to do any fool thing he wants to, and unless it puts your children in IMMINENT DANGER, the courts do not give a sh*t. (Ask me how I know... ugh...) 

More than detaching from the OW, you need to detach from your WH. Legally, emotionally, financially. You need to stop believing his dream, that oh, he's going to morph into a Successful Musician Cool Guy. 

No he is not. And if he did? You've seen what success does to him. Four tours and he's ready to trade you in for some teenage ass. 

Dump him. Like yesterday.


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## chumplady (Jul 27, 2012)

Please explain to me, seriously, why it's nearly a year later and you haven't divorced his sorry musician ass yet?

I was going to say divorce him just for supporting his man child ass for 8 years, let alone doing something as revolting as cheating with an 18 year old wingnut. 

So -- please explain where you stand in the lawyering up department. He needs to be out of your life -- utterly. With support and visitation papers worked up, with a no contact clause for the 18 year old. (Not that she'll be around forever, she won't.)

The OW isn't your problem -- if she's truly harassing you (and i like the idea of printing out her rants and showing your lawyer), have your lawyer send her a letter and get a NC order in your visitation agreement. 

She didn't win any prize. She wants to THINK she did and she probably LOVES the drama of the triangle. As long as you ACT like he's a prize (OMG, he's NOT), then you feed her. She does get to feel triumphant. The more MEH you are, the better this is for you. Detach. Practice indifference. 

Someone wrote to me with a really similar situation. 
Dear Chump Lady, Can I Keep the OW Away from My Kids?

You can try in an order to keep OW from the kids, but in reality, you cannot police your ex. He's going to do any fool thing he wants to, and unless it puts your children in IMMINENT DANGER, the courts do not give a sh*t. (Ask me how I know... ugh...) 

More than detaching from the OW, you need to detach from your WH. Legally, emotionally, financially. You need to stop believing his dream, that oh, he's going to morph into a Successful Musician Cool Guy. 

No he is not. And if he did? You've seen what success does to him. Four tours and he's ready to trade you in for some teenage ass. 

Dump him. Like yesterday.


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## Honeystly (Mar 1, 2012)

I'm in Australia. The law here states you have to be separated for a year before you can legally divorce, so I have to wait until Jan next year. I WISH I could get him out of my life already.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

You already know what I am going to say but I'll repeat it--stop checking up on them or finding out things about their life.

File for divorce and be done. 

You need to start believing in yourself, that you deserve better, that it's his loss, that is the loser (cause he is).


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Honeystly said:


> I'm in Australia. The law here states you have to be separated for a year before you can legally divorce, so I have to wait until Jan next year. I WISH I could get him out of my life already.


You can by going no contact w/ him and cutting him out of your life unless it's re: co-parenting and legal issues.

STOP checking up on him or finding out info about him. Ew.


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## Honeystly (Mar 1, 2012)

And Chumplady, groovy blog


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## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

I was obsessed with posOW after DDay#1. She was trying to be like me in so many ways and it was just sickening to me. Went on for YEARS. I couldn't stop checking up on her. I couldn't. It was horrible. Triggered all the time. ahhhhhh

You have to stop. You will kill yourself slowly emotionally if you continue doing it to yourself. 

Women like her have no identity so cling to whatever identity will get them the guy. And if that means acting like you or thinking they are replacing you...who cares. And that identity will fade as soon as the relationship does. 

SHE ISN'T YOU!!!!! You are you. Only you can be you. She may have things similar but she is not you. And now is the time for YOU to stand up for YOU. When you check up on HIM and HER you are giving up a piece of yourself to their drama.

STOP.CHECKING


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## Honeystly (Mar 1, 2012)

thanks vi bride,
Thanks for good advice. how long did this relationship last? is it done?


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## lisab0105 (Oct 26, 2011)

And no worries about his band making it big...they suck like a hoover.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## chumplady (Jul 27, 2012)

Okay, you've got until January? You've got four months to lay the ground work. Do you have a lawyer? Temporary support papers? Is he paying you anything in child support?

The finances are important -- make sure he isn't hiding money.

Get your ducks in a row to divorce him. All that energy you have for OW's twitter feed? Put it into your divorce. Make a list of assets, debts, etc. If you got the house, is that a for sure thing? Did you work up a settlement yet? It sounds like you moved to another country for him, so did you want to move home? I hope you've got a kickass lawyer. 

Also, meant to add -- you're doing an AMAZING job being single mom to two little kids, working a job, and paying the mortgage. You are so, so out of musician doofus's league and OW's universe that it insults you to give them any of your precious mental energy. 

Really, you VALIDATE them when you do that, when really, you should validate yourself. You are someone strong enough to support another person's dreams for 8 years, financially and emotionally giving enough to do that. It's huge. And your GIFTS are WASTED on this person. Utterly wasted. 

You need to internalize that -- and realize what a precious person you are and what precious gifts you have -- do not give them to people who are not deserving of them.

The OW got the booby prize. Joke is on her. 

I know you thought your life was going to be one thing, and it got derailed and became another. That hurts. Every time she taunts you, you feel that. 

But here's the thing, in time you will realize that teenage idiot did you a FAVOR. She freed you from the doofus you were married to. My OW did that for me (and now I'm happily remarried years later). 

I wanted to uncage you at supporting a thankless, mediocre musician. Infidelity catapults you into a new life.

Be grateful for that new life. It's very hard in the beginning. Very, very hard. But you need to reframe this. It will help you a lot to have a plan forward.


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## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

....that was 5 years ago almost to the day when I stop to think about it....

The relationship was about 9months, maybe a year (I probably still don't know all the details) and he worked with her. She dyed her hair, started listening to the same music, started doing the same hobbies I enjoyed, adopted a dog(I am big into dog rescue), took STBXH on trips to place she knew we went, same resturants.....

Facebook wasn't around then too much. Myspace was. She would post cryptic pictures and status messages. Company emails sent and events she would plan on purpose b/c she knew I had access to his work email. 

You have no idea how crazy I drove myself. We started R a little over 4 years ago. I would say for the first 2 years of it I was obsessed with knowing every little thing about her, their interactions, her social life. It was starting to encompass all aspects of my life. 

It wasn't until I finally got fed up with feeling like sh!t over a woman who was 15yrs my senior who didn't even have her own personality. She was a succubus and thrived off of other people's drama and it wasn't until I realized I was turning into the same type of person that I stopped. It was a liberating feeling.

With the discovery of an EA(different co-worker) in May I am proceeding with divorce. And this time, I am not obsessed with OW#2 or any of his co-workers or his life outside of what I had with him. I hope you can get to that point where you don't care and indifference is your attitude. 

Yourself will thank you once you do.


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

Honeystly

I hope you wake up from living in OZ and when you open your eyes you are back in the good ole USA away from jackass surrounded by your family that loves you.

That is how you finalize your D.

HM64


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## Honeystly (Mar 1, 2012)

Yeah, I'm my own worst enemy right now. My finances are as sorted as they can be at the moment. Parental agreement sorted. I guess I'm flipping out for a few reasons besides what I wrote a) it's father's day here on sunday. He's taking the kids and she'll prob. be there and his parents who apparently have no problem with her (she already stayed with them a few times). I just think about them celebrating what a 'wonderful father' he is... the new family minus me, replaced by her. b) I keep hating myself... sort of sometimes (wow, I haven't ever admitted that out loud) for being such an idiot and trusting him and doing everything for him on one hand, then for giving him too much space and freedom, then for trying to teach him how to live, then for being critical at times (like when he would just shove food down our boy's mouth without waiting for him to swallow-I'd get *****y about that), then for not being good enough for him... how lame must I be if ache face can just replace me and make him sooooo happy? Am I too old? Too boring? What ? what? What did I do? How come he fell out of love with me and not vice versa? 
There are simply too many unanswered senseless questions and thoughts. This situation is absurd. 
And if absurd is better than me, then what does that make me?
This sucks. 
If I wasted 8 years, why didn't I see it? I'm quite emotionally intelligent.... wtf.... It's sad how many people are in ****ty situations because they were replaced by scary stalkers. Bleh.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Stop thinking you are being "replaced." You are you. Let her have him. He's a d*uchebag anyway. Not a prize.


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## Honeystly (Mar 1, 2012)

The replaced bit comes from the fluidity with which he moved on. There was no break in between one set of tits (me) and another set (her). That's why I can't think of her as somebody of her own right. She just slid right into my shoes before I even took them off, so to speak. I'm so jealous. They're so obsessed with each other, we were so mellow and 'normal'... I'm jealous of their passion?


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## chumplady (Jul 27, 2012)

Father's day? Consider the source. If his parents are OKAY with what he did -- they're insane. Seriously. They're either eating the great big sh*t sandwich and accepting her, because they're afraid if they do not, they won't see their grandkids. If they truly DO like her and don't care what he's done, they're sociopaths and you don't want to be related to these people. You're IMAGINING they are cool with it.

They're probably ashamed of him (being a loser musician wasn't enough? Someone must've fed his grandiose idea of himself). And they're putting spin on a bad situation.

In any case, you cannot control this. You only control YOU. 

As to all the other questions, spend some time on my blog. I think I talk about most of them. 

The important thing isn't to dwell on the wasted years. LEARN from it. Be thankful you got two wonderful kiddos from it. Take a hard look at yourself and then forgive yourself for following his sparkliness and investing in it. On my blog are some books that helped me a lot (with links). One there that might help you is Why Is It Always About You? About narcissists. Has a section on coparenting with one. Also stuff on why you'd find yourself attracted to one (they pick well, and you probably have stuff in your background that makes you vulnerable.)


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

All normal feelings.

But you really need to stop dwelling on them and start making a new life for yourself, dear. I know it hurts like hell but until you actually go no contact, real no ocntact (no checking up on them), you are going to stay stuck.

Do you want to stay stuck?

You can either choose to stay stuck and keep looking backwards or you can say "It's done and I deserve a whole lot better" and move on.


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## survivorwife (May 15, 2012)

Honeystly said:


> The replaced bit comes from the fluidity with which he moved on. There was no break in between one set of tits (me) and another set (her). That's why I can't think of her as somebody of her own right. She just slid right into my shoes before I even took them off, so to speak. I'm so jealous. They're so obsessed with each other, we were so mellow and 'normal'... I'm jealous of their passion?


You do realize that there is no reason at all to be jealous. Once you are over the hurt and move passed it, you will be free to find passion in your own life with someone new. But you can't or won't be free until you allow yourself to move forward, don't you see that?

Do you recognize that you are obsessing over her as well? Please. Look in a mirror. You are worthy of love and attention solely on your own merits. You don't need him to validate you. You can do this. See the wonderful person that you are without him and move forward. Don't look back.


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## Honeystly (Mar 1, 2012)

Thanks for the advice chumplady. I will certainly check it out! As for the narcissist bit, I already discussed that with my shrink. She thinks he's just a plain old moron vs. narcissist. I think I agree. Honestly, I have the most normal, loving, stable background ever and I'm ridiculously strong.... even if I'm having a little meltdown on TAM.... Gotta do it somewhere!


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## chumplady (Jul 27, 2012)

You envy their passion? Oh gag. 

Sweetie, they have fantasy. It's not real. And once he's divorced it's about to get very ugly and real for him. He is embarrassing and he doesn't live in the grown up world. I felt passion when I was 10 about Breyer horses. She's a shiny toy.

Find a grown up to love. He's not one.

And you can have plenty of passion in your life. Go invest in YOU. You'll move on from this and have love again some day. He is not the only man on the planet. Don't look to him for validation.


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## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

Honeystly said:


> The replaced bit comes from the fluidity with which he moved on. There was no break in between one set of tits (me) and another set (her). That's why I can't think of her as somebody of her own right. She just slid right into my shoes before I even took them off, so to speak. I'm so jealous. They're so obsessed with each other, we were so mellow and 'normal'... I'm jealous of their passion?


You are jealous and upset that you were lied to and blindsided with something like that. And then looking like you were completely replaced...yeah...it really f*cks with your mind...

You have to realize YOU DID NOTHING WRONG. 

Something is wrong with your STBXH for thinking he can jump from one person to another and be truely happy like he is claiming. Normal people with mature feelings and emotions dont' do that!


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

chumplady said:


> You envy their passion? Oh gag.
> 
> Sweetie, they have fantasy. It's not real. And once he's divorced it's about to get very ugly and real for him. He is embarrassing and he doesn't live in the grown up world. I felt passion when I was 10 about Breyer horses. She's a shiny toy.
> 
> ...


A-freakin-men! Spot on post!

Also, I firmly believe that the "real" relationship doesn't start until about 2 years into it, after the blinders have worn off.


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## chumplady (Jul 27, 2012)

I'm not your shrink, but anyone who has rock star fantasies and wants to be on stage for a living has narcissistic issues. Combine that with an idiot love affair with a teenager -- he's trotted past moron into personality disorder territory IMO.

Whatever he's got, he has a colossal sense of entitlement to let you support him and to cheat.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

You need to detach from this jerk.


Stop looking at his facebook page
Start an exercise program or hobby. Anything to occupy your spare time.
Go out with friends or girlfriends. If you want to, you're free to go on GNOs. You will see that you're attractive and desirable.
Tell yourself: "She wants him? She can have him! I deserve better!"


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## Honeystly (Mar 1, 2012)

Lordmayhem, I would love to go to the gym but I work full time and take care of two little little kids without any help. Time and energy are not available to me right now. Once the kids both start to sleep over by stbxh's when my youngest turns 2 ( I absolutely did not agree to it before that age-she needs a secure attachment first), then god knows I will hit the gym. 
As to the other men bit, hmm... I did seem to get some attention lately, but I am not interested in the least. I have decided to become asexual for a while... I feel repulsion towards men right about now. And yes, I know they're not all bastards. I'm just too scarred. I do need to occupy my spare time in the evenings though, but my concentration for reading (my favorite activity), is not here at the moment. Even tv is too much. Any suggestions for something short and sweet?


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## in my tree (Jun 9, 2012)

Honeystly - from reading your threads, you have nothing but my empathy. I think you are an amazing woman with SO much more to her than what this situation is bringing forth. Checking in on her FB is killing you - stop! As others have said, she is not you, cannot be you and is obviously as jealous of you as you are of her. However you have the intelligence, maturity and sense to realize that this loser of a man is really not worth all of the love, patience and dedication that you gave to him. You said that she joined the band but you also said that he likes independence. That is a recipe for disaster if I ever heard one. She cannot be his warden forever and eventually he will tire of clinging on to him. Just a thought to put a little joy in your day. 

Continue with your plans to enrich your life and your children's lives. It can do nothing but make you and them more content and as hard as it is to believe now, you will someday look back on this time and think "yech - how did I ever put up with him for so long? WHAT was I thinking?!". Also don't worry about your kids thinking of her as "mommy". They don't. They know who there mom is and she is not you and can never be you. I speak from experience and was worried about the exact same thing. My daughter is now 22 y.o. (older than his OW!!) and we are as close as I think a mother and daughter can be.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Honeystly said:


> As to the other men bit, hmm... I did seem to get some attention lately, but I am not interested in the least. I have decided to become asexual for a while... I feel repulsion towards men right about now. And yes, I know they're not all bastards. I'm just too scarred. I do need to occupy my spare time in the evenings though, but my concentration for reading (my favorite activity), is not here at the moment.


Also normal. In time, once you start healing & living in the present and not in the past, you will change you feelings on that. 

I was so turned off by males for a LONG time following my separation/divorce. Then one day, I found myself flirting with a handsome guy. And he flirted back.  

Short & sweet suggestions: get a new book and read it, call up an old friend you haven't chatted with in awhile to catch up, go out with your girlfriends, buy some new underwear, get a new haircut, go for a walk, spend time with people you enjoy being around, laugh, rent a funny movie, cook a new dish.


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## Bentley'sMom (Jul 10, 2012)

Honeystly said:


> Yeah, I'm my own worst enemy right now. My finances are as sorted as they can be at the moment. Parental agreement sorted. I guess I'm flipping out for a few reasons besides what I wrote a) it's father's day here on sunday. He's taking the kids and she'll prob. be there and his parents who apparently have no problem with her (she already stayed with them a few times). I just think about them celebrating what a 'wonderful father' he is... the new family minus me, replaced by her. b) I keep hating myself... sort of sometimes (wow, I haven't ever admitted that out loud) for being such an idiot and trusting him and doing everything for him on one hand, then for giving him too much space and freedom, then for trying to teach him how to live, then for being critical at times (like when he would just shove food down our boy's mouth without waiting for him to swallow-I'd get *****y about that), then for not being good enough for him... how lame must I be if ache face can just replace me and make him sooooo happy? Am I too old? Too boring? What ? what? What did I do? How come he fell out of love with me and not vice versa?
> There are simply too many unanswered senseless questions and thoughts. This situation is absurd.
> And if absurd is better than me, then what does that make me?
> This sucks.
> If I wasted 8 years, why didn't I see it? I'm quite emotionally intelligent.... wtf.... It's sad how many people are in ****ty situations because they were replaced by scary stalkers. Bleh.


Honesyty I feel the same and was replaced by a woman who pursued him for 4 years (he was her boss). She is younger but definitely no beauty! I meanwhile have dropped 3 dress sizes and feel OK about myself for the first time in ages. I didn't adore him enough (he is a narcissist!), she did, sometimes people are just idiots. I know what you mean about evenings, it's tough. I also moved to another country for him, and that means friends and family are mostly back home. I don't have kids, though, that's the only difference. The only good thing was a good looking guy in my building who I thought liked me, now not sure, but he took/takes my mind totally off the stbxh! We are attractive and worthy of love! I understand about tv and books, I also find it hard to concentrate, but have been slowly buying a new wardrobe, walking the dog, having a few nights out. The pain gets better and I've stopped checking up so much and am in NC. Look at him now and think 'why did I marry you or even put up with you?' He is not good looking, and it was his personality I liked (which turned out to be a fake one). I just want the most from the divorce and he is doing everything in his power to lie and distort, it's not fun.
All I can say is stay strong, look after yourself and your babies and you will heal. My best wishes to you.


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## Rosemary's Granddaughter (Aug 25, 2012)

Honeystly said:


> Lordmayhem, I would love to go to the gym but I work full time and take care of two little little kids without any help. Time and energy are not available to me right now. Once the kids both start to sleep over by stbxh's when my youngest turns 2 ( I absolutely did not agree to it before that age-she needs a secure attachment first), then god knows I will hit the gym.


It is a blessing that your baby isn't staying overnight with them right now! Do you plan to stay in Australia? Will he try to make you?


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## Honeystly (Mar 1, 2012)

So I asked my mom to come over. She'll be here in 2 weeks! I'm very very excited as she is my hero (and an amazing cook). I decided that I'll ask her to do the handovers for me for 3 weeks she'll be here. That way I won't have to see stbxh for a while and I can get my repulsion under control, even if a little. I just don't want to see him. Ever. I try to be polite for the kids but it's taxing. Also, I'll go out with my girlfriends out for dinner at least twice and that will be amazing. I'll get the short haircut I've been contemplating for 7 months, and I can get a little ahead with this healing business. I need a break, a rest from this circus freak show.
I feel better already. I texted stbxh about the handovers... It will be interesting. He's **** scared of my mom. I wonder if he'll even show up. Good. He can poop himself and be uncomfortable for a bit. *********.


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