# Is this fair from a fiance? Wants to have equity in my company...



## marciacranda (Jan 17, 2018)

So my fiancé is a bit controlling. I have actually broken up with him at one point because it was off the charts. He controlled finances etc. It was bad. 

We got back together and I currently control all my own finances….although, I have spent over 3k in the last month ON HIM — because he isn’t doing so well. Bad decision because I just realized he says it’s not enough and if I was invested in him …and his house…I would have helped more.
 Anyway, our big issue right now is my company. I came up with a software idea. It had to do with an area of his profession….his crowd would be the target market.

I told him about it and he said it was a good idea…but that it would be expensive to launch. So, I was pretty bare of a savings at that time (as he was) and I had very bad credit… just NO credit which translates into bad credit. No debt but past bad debt from previous divorce years ago.

I asked him if he would help me just get a line of credit to launch this business. I had a very good W2 that would pay for these fees. He said NO. He blew up. It was an awful argument. He called me insane, a dreamer…unrealistic … IGNORANT and that “times like these show just how ignorant I am about everything 
So I started applying for loans…with no one saying yes… 

Finally a guy told me that he couldn’t loan me money but he liked my idea and wanted me to present it to a friend of his. Turns out his friend was a software developer and a MILLIONAIRE…who wanted to help me AND invest.

When I told my fiancé this he said that he didn’t believe it. In fact he suggested I was meeting "men" and even asked the address... because he thought I was going to some guys "house". I told him I had a meeting and presentation to give to these guys in an OFFICE. He DEMANDED that he be there. He actually ended up taking over almost the entire meeting. Yes he told them how great my produce was for his profession….but he also started telling them about HIS ideas.

I was less than pleased. The good thing is — I didn’t tell them we were together. I told them that he was helping me and that he was a testimonial for how it would apply in business. 

When we left… he told me he sold if FOR ME and if I get the money…it will be because HE made it happen and went on and on about how great he is working rooms….etc.

Well the developer/investor said yes…he gave me 6 months of salary and said he wanted to partner with me.

My fiancé was pissed and said that HE should get equity.

I told him not at this point — and that if we are going tone married — WHY is this so worrisome to him? We are in a 50/50 state. He said that wants it in writing because we aren’t married yet.

During an argument he told me that he willl no longer be giving my developer or me advice…until he gets equity or money for his time.

SO I told the developer that I would like to pay him 1k a month for 3 months for his time and he can sign an agreement that says that is just a contractor.

He refused to sign it. Blew up and said NO…and that he would go try to find his own developer and see he wins….

the next morning, he was back to a puppy dog telling me he is sorry and that I just make him mad sometimes…

So I went on a mission to find other people in his area of expertise to pilot my platform. I found a woman…I gave her free product …in exchange for her insight as we build it and a testimonial if it works for her…

He got angry I didn’t bring him into that meeting. I have known this woman for 5 years — he never met her. I said that she is just on a different platform and we need to meet with her individually.

Today he told me he was pissed she was getting FREE Product and he wasn’t… I said I already gave you xyz…he said he wants more in exchange for his expertise.

He also told me that he suggested my product for his overall company to pilot…I said THANK YOU…I would love to take that meeting…

As it turns out — his email told the head of his employer that it was a company HE was developing with his WIFE” 

It’s true we have called each other husband and wife at times….but he called it HIS company with his WIFE….

I didn’t say anything…but i would like to know WTF I should do and how I should handle this…

I certainly want the meeting but this really has NOTHING to do with him. Sure he gave my developer/investor info and his opinion… but he rejected payment if he had to sign anything that says he was paid as a contractor and is not an equity partner.

I said look….this is a start up…any money paid to you comes out of the money the investor would pay ME ….to survive for the next 6 months…>WHY would you do this?

He said that I would be nowhere and no-one without him…and that I just like to think I”m so smart…but again… I’m proving in some of my conversations that I’m really ignorant and that he hates the smug look on my face …it makes me sound and look even more stupid.

Advice please?


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## WilliamM (Mar 14, 2017)

You surely must know the answer.

You cannot marry him. 

Please do not commit yourself to that slavery.

Unless you want to become his chattel. His slave. His property. For surely that is what he will force upon you. Guaranteed.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

My advice is to end this nightmare relationship with what is described as a broke ass man-child and move on with your life.


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## marciacranda (Jan 17, 2018)

It's more than just marriage at this point -- I struggle because I stay with him -- without a wedding date -- but he doesn't deserve antyhing from my business, correct?

I asked a business consultant --Lightly -- since I didn't want to incriminate him ...and he said NO! He has no rights to this and why woul dhe make a big deal if he's going to marry you?




WilliamM said:


> You surely must know the answer.
> 
> You cannot marry him.
> 
> ...


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

You do realize this is completely nuts right?


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## WilliamM (Mar 14, 2017)

I know nothing of law. I took a law course once, and the instructor admonished me at the end of it with the words that legal and right have no correlation.

But I cannot see any reason he can expect anything at all.

He expects because he wants. He demands because he is pure evil. You begin to be afraid to say no because he has crushed your spirit.

It is only the beginning of the cruelty he will visit on you. 

He is disgusting, and he will try to steal everything from you. Be aware, he will try to steal your business, your idea, your customers. He will soil the well with lies. He will turn on you as a viper under your foot.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

@marciacranda said"it makes me sound and look even more stupid."

You said it yourself, so what's the hold that this cretin of a man you're involved with has on you that you're still questioning yourself? You shouldn't never had gotten back with him to begin with. DTMFA.


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## introvert (May 30, 2016)

OP, break up with him again and make it permanent this time. Honestly, you are in for a lifetime of hell if you don't.


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## zookeeper (Oct 2, 2012)

It really doesn't matter if he deserves it or not. You clearly do not want to cut him in on this and he knows it.  I suspect you are in doubt that he really wants to marry you, hence the suspicion. I'd suggest total honesty with him about your concerns and motives.

I think you two should get some couple's counseling. From your account, this guy sounds controlling, resentful and insecure. If you marry him without resolving these things you may one day find yourself trying to change wiper blades in the dark while he watches you from the house, basking in the self-satisfaction of watching you fail and being put in your place.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

marciacranda said:


> It's more than just marriage at this point -- I struggle because I stay with him -- without a wedding date --


WHY ARE YOU STAYING????? THAT is the answer you need. Like NOW.


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## Broken_in_Brooklyn (Feb 21, 2013)

You need to break up with him. You are doing things you need to do but unfortunately you need to do them behind his back and you are misrepresenting your relationship to him to business partners. Things like that do not end well when you are married let alone engaged. 

Break up with him. Save yourself a lot of trouble.


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## WilliamM (Mar 14, 2017)

He deserves nothing. 

Give him nothing.

Get rid of him.

Never associate with him again in any way.

See, I can be controlling, too. But I could never be as evil as your fiancé is.

Please, just get rid of him.


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## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

Hes like an anchor that will drag you down.

A one upper a crybaby .

Good luck with that


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## marciacranda (Jan 17, 2018)

It goes beyond that in soooo many ways.... I must admit.

HOWEVER -- he has connected me with his employer and that would be HUGE. He does not have to be involved for this to go through....the intro is enough for me.

But here's what I think will happen -- he will make sure to completely trash me and prvent me from getting the opporutnity if I leave him.

Truthfully, I don't want to leave him... but I am recognizing SO SO much is wrong ...so much....

He is so mean -- and to threaten my business?? And there's....so much much..





chillymorn69 said:


> Hes like an anchor that will drag you down.
> 
> A one upper a crybaby .
> 
> Good luck with that


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## WilliamM (Mar 14, 2017)

This is a the problem. You want a powerful man. And you do want to be cherished, loved, and respected. And sometimes you do want to be controlled. But not all the time.

Your fiancé does not care. He will control you all the time. He will crush your spirit and laugh at your suffering. You are just property. He does not do this with you, but to you.

My wife says I am the perfect Lord and Master for her because I respect her. We definitely had some hard times. That was long ago and we have found our balance. When I mistreated my wife it was out of anger over things she did, not because I just did not care. My guilt is deep over that.

Your fiancé does not care. He cares about only himself. You need to recognize that.

As for your business, I cannot know. He only cares about himself. It is likely he will attempt to destroy your business if he thinks he cannot end up owning it and taking it away from you completely.


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## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

marciacranda said:


> It goes beyond that in soooo many ways.... I must admit.
> 
> HOWEVER -- he has connected me with his employer and that would be HUGE. He does not have to be involved for this to go through....the intro is enough for me.
> 
> ...


Hes jealous. So hes trying to horn in and take credit. Instead of being proud of you hes stealing from you.

I would go see a lawyer . So you can protect you business from this joker.

Play nice and protect yourself until the deal goes through.

Then leave him.


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## marciacranda (Jan 17, 2018)

Well. yeah. But the deal with his employer could take MONTHS to secure...and honsetly I nearly lost it tonight on him. I don't know how to keep my anger to myself...

I am going to become an alcoholic... I am so upset over what he said...
and I don't bite my tongue well over things that I DID. I CREATED THIS>
I FOUND THE FUNDING> I asked for help. HE SAID NO!. He called me IGNORANT.
HOW DO I deal with that and play nice? 

I NEED HIS CONNECTION -- it's terrific. But I don't him to do this to me....




chillymorn69 said:


> Hes jealous. So hes trying to horn in and take credit. Instead of being proud of you hes stealing from you.
> 
> I would go see a lawyer . So you can protect you business from this joker.
> 
> ...


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

marciacranda said:


> Bad decision because I just realized he says it’s not enough and if I was invested in him …and his house…I would have helped more.


Hmmm... I would never offer to help again if someone was that unappreciative.



> Anyway, our big issue right now is my company. I came up with a software idea. It had to do with an area of his profession….his crowd would be the target market.
> 
> I told him about it and he said it was a good idea…but that it would be expensive to launch. So, I was pretty bare of a savings at that time (as he was) and I had very bad credit… just NO credit which translates into bad credit. No debt but past bad debt from previous divorce years ago.
> 
> ...


Ok that's it, he's gone too far. Cut him out, dump him, whatever. Just get rid of him now. WHAT THE FK?!



> I NEED HIS CONNECTION -- it's terrific. But I don't him to do this to me....


You simply do *NOT* go into business with someone like that, no matter what 'connections' they have, and considering from the looks of things you handled things well with the investors DESPITE him mouthing off about himself in the meetings.


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## Broken_in_Brooklyn (Feb 21, 2013)

marciacranda said:


> It goes beyond that in soooo many ways.... I must admit.
> 
> HOWEVER -- he has connected me with his employer and that would be HUGE. He does not have to be involved for this to go through....the intro is enough for me.
> 
> ...


Do you think he should be compensated for using his connection? That is a brokers fee. 

Frankly I would be pissed if you tried to use my connection to gain a market entry then told me I am contractor.


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## marciacranda (Jan 17, 2018)

Personally i don’t think he should be compensated at all! I have helped him with his business and i have never asked for a dime!


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

You know the answer. You need to leave him and stop this nonsense. Of course you cannot give him any equity.

He's mentally ill, jealous, controlling to the point of it being scary. He broke bones in your hand. I could go on but you don't listen to anything anyone says so why bother.

Folks this poster is Weirdo567... a troll with many accounts. 

And she's now banned.


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

marciacranda said:


> So my fiancé is a bit controlling. I have actually broken up with him at one point because it was off the charts. He controlled finances etc. It was bad.
> 
> We got back together and I currently control all my own finances….although, I have spent over 3k in the last month ON HIM — because he isn’t doing so well. Bad decision because I just realized he says it’s not enough and if I was invested in him …and his house…I would have helped more.
> Anyway, our big issue right now is my company. I came up with a software idea. It had to do with an area of his profession….his crowd would be the target market.
> ...


Sorry I haven't read everyone else's response....

Dump him. Go be successful, he will steal every ounce of happiness you ever have and it still won't be enough.


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

marciacranda said:


> Well. yeah. But the deal with his employer could take MONTHS to secure...and honsetly I nearly lost it tonight on him. I don't know how to keep my anger to myself...
> 
> I am going to become an alcoholic... I am so upset over what he said...
> and I don't bite my tongue well over things that I DID. I CREATED THIS>
> ...


The real question is the connection only interested because of him? If you dump him and continue with business how likely is it the business will dump you? Most businesses like good ideas either way. How big is the company ? How important is the boyfriend.
He maybe at work saying you guys owe me I brought you this great software that's going to help you so much. If I don't get a raise then I don't know if MY software company is going to be able to help you out.


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## WilliamM (Mar 14, 2017)

EleGirl said:


> You know the answer. You need to leave him and stop this nonsense. Of course you cannot give him any equity.
> 
> 
> 
> ...




Thank you for taking care of me.

As the prayer goes, change the things we can and have the wisdom to know the difference.

You have the wisdom.

It is stressful to keep trying to think of what to type through such an inadequate medium as the internet to try to get through to the, well, purported person who was posting.

Again, thank you.

William


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## Noble1 (Oct 25, 2013)

Hello, I read your post and skipped the replies so sorry if I missed anything.

Do not share anything else with this "man". He certainly does not seem to deserve it.

I went through a similar situation with some clients a few years ago and it was very messy in the end.

If you do stay together, a pre-nup will be needed.


Good luck.


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