# walking on egg shells...



## busy bee (Aug 18, 2008)

Hi Guys. New tot he forum and looking for some advice. Well, it's been one month since I've made love to my wife, we don't even sleep in the same bed anymore. We've been married for 10 hard years and have had 2 girls along the way. When I say,"hard years" I mean just that. 10 moves with her company, bankruptcy, managing the household while she travels with her job (about 1/4 the year), almost bankruptcy again when she started her own business (120k loss in 6 months), I had no idea. we came home from vacation and that Sat. she took the kids and ran, served me with papers 2 days later, I didn't see or talk to the kids for 3 weeks. She has lot's of late nights with her colleagues getting home around midnight, working when she's suppose to be having family time, etc...She is the breadwinner by far and is in a powerful position in her company. Consider her a financial adviser manager helping others with their financial planning. No selling required. Ironic with all the financial debt we have. She insists on taking care of the finances. I've supported her while she's moved ahead in the company, only people who have been there will understand what that means. Each move we've had I was pressured into getting a job right away even before moving in, even if it wasn't what I wanted to do, and usually making around $8 per hour. I am not educated but I work hard a whatever I do. It was very difficult going into an interview with a job history like that until one day I decided to start my own business. It took off right away, I made 80k in my first 6 months. I only stopped to help her build her business. When I got back the market was flooded with guys like me. Now I work 2 jobs about 70 hours a week and when I get home I struggle to complete chores. Anyway, here lately my wife shuts the computer when I come into her office. Absolutely refuses to have sex or make love, kiss, anything. I've been faithful the whole time. The computer thing bothered me so one night I was able to get on her computer and was surprised to find she had been posting on a Christian divorce forum. She was giving advice on how to deal with terrible fathers/spouses. Some of the things she wrote where horrible and very disturbing. All was untrue. I had also read she was planning on leaving me again, similar to the way she did before. Anyway I confronted her about it and she got very defensive and tried to turn it around on me. She said she couldn't trust me anymore and she was just,"venting." I'm a very good father and try to be a good husband. I try to talk to her when I can and finally got to the point where I wanted a date night once a week. We usually sit and drink coffee and complain about people at work. Anyway, back to the kids, our 2 girls 7/9 know that when daddy gets home from work we're going out and doing something special from fishing, horseback riding/visiting, park, miniature golf, swimming, go-carts, etc..something different every time. When mommy comes home she puts them in front of the tv while she's on her laptop. This is most of the time. She does do fun things with them now and again. She is a very spiritual person and I tried to be art of that and she says I wasn't sincere. I asked her to help me and that just made her furious. She runs a mother/daughter book club but daddy is the one who reads with the children usually the book their suppose to read with mommy. Anyway, I feel lost. I can't sleep some nights for fear she's going to take our kids again. I feel like i'm being used and if it was not for my kids I would have been gone long ago. If I take any legal action I'm sure I'll be squashed. She deals with very powerful people on a regular basis attorneys, judges, CEO's, etc...I've suggested marriage counseling but she says no and just goes herself. Anyone have any helpful suggestions? This is very painful so please just things that will help. No neg. Thanks


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

You need to go to counciling yourself. Plus most legals now a days gives the provider the kids not just the female. Who spends the most time, puts them to bed, and gets them to school. Talk to an attorney.

draconis


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## brad (Jul 31, 2008)

She sounds like someone typical of a big ego. Telling is the book club she runs but she wont even read for her own kids. Make sure you document her computer cheating activities and everything from here on. 

Your in better position then you think to take her on. You sound like a much better parent and she will owe you alimony. Bust her ASS.


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## Chopblock (Mar 21, 2008)

Do you still want to be with her, or not? That is the first thing you must decide.

If she is the breadwinner, then hopefully if it came to divorce proceedings, you would be able to make the case for getting alimony and at least joint custody. Try to avoid dragging the girls into taking sides though. Hopefully they know enough about what is going on.

Without knowing what you want though, its hard to give advice. If you want to separate, then begin familiarizing yourself with EVERYTHING. Seek legal advice, know the laws in your state, and most IMPORTANTLY, LEARN about all the financial/legal obligations you guys are involved in. If she's always handled the money, do you know where it goes? Do you know what contracts your name is on too (utilities, mortgage, title...). If you have to financially divorce her as well, it will save you a LOT in attorneys fees to know this stuff.

If you want to reconcile... well she has to want to as well. If she isn't showing any interest, then you should work on yourself. Find another business you can start, spend time with your daughters, rekindle or make new friends. Be happy with yourself and it will show.


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