# He says he "Loves Me" but he doesn't show it.



## the(wife)

I have been with my Husband (spouce/common law) for 7 years and we have 2 children togethr 2 1/2 & 5. In the beginning for the first year we were VERY HAPPY. But over the 2nd year we began to have problems. I got pregnant and we felt we had to make it work. Here I am 7 years later and don't know why I've stayed so long. We seem to have nothing in common, and fight all the time. We have lots of problems in the bedroom department. have had complications since I had my children which have pretty much has ruined this aspect of our relasionship. I feel guilty that I have valid physical medical problems and can't have sex that often due to pain. I used to have a really high sex drive, but it has considerably decreased, my hormone levels are a little off, but mostly the drs. say it's in my head. I am beginning to realize that part of the pain problem is that I'm not that attracted to my husband because of the way he treats me and I'm not turned on by him very much anymore. I have to try really hard to even force myself to do it. 

I have recently lost 65lbs becasue I did not feel good about myslef. A lot becasue he tells me over and over how useless I am, but mostly be casue I was unhappy with my weight. Although he constanty tells me how amazing I look, and how beautiful I am It just doesn't seem to make me forget how he told me I was stupid the moment before.

We have talked many times about breaking up, and it was even pretty finalized one time. He had decided just after our second baby that he was going to leave, and I couldn't change his mind (although I wansn't entirely sure I wanted to). I found a letter in his pocket while looking for a bus ticket (swear I wasn't snooping) and it was to a co-worker. It said how much he disliked how our relasionship has become and how he had such strong feelings for her, and even said he couldn't stop thinking about her after they had kissed. I confronted him, and he basically said I drove him to it and he is not really sorry that It happend, mostly just sorry I was hurt. I don't remember really how we worked things out but for about 2 months we were HAPPY again, just like the first year. Then it all faded away, life happend and we went back to being miserable. 

Every day I think at work, how I miss him, and can't wait to spend time together. I have these great ideas of family things we can do or things for us to do togethr. Yet when I get home we just fight, he never wants to do any of my ideas, and things they are stupid. I may only actually enjoy his company for 15 min of the evening. He makes me laugh all the time (which is what attracted me to him), although he's very egotistical and demands he's always right. He's very mean to me and does not treat me with any respect as a person or a mother. I am not without fault, I have lost my respect for him, and find I treat him poorly as well. I am controling, ( I feel I have to be because if I wan't nothing would get done) and now I am very nosy about his business.

I want to seperate, but I'm held back becasuse I don't want to be one of those single moms, I think I'm afraid to be alone. I know I can handle it I do almost everything for my boys by myself, and I have an ok job. It will just be harder, and I'll have to deal with all the problems of visitation, and support, and all else that goes with it. And I'm sure trying to date with children isn't the easiest. I want what is best for my boys, and I want to be happy, but who's to say leaving him will make me happy. I'm reminded of "the grass is always greener on the other side* What if I leave and It's so hard that I'm not happy.

I also want to have another baby (although he does not) that's besides the fact, becasue he didn't want the first 2. If I leave then I may not be able to have another baby, or if I find someone else then I will have the dificulty of having multiple kids with different dads. 

I am so confused, I am so happy about my weight loss and I feel great. I want to chagne my life and feel like I live every day to the fullest, I've always been a happy and positove person, but can't seem to get away from the miserable cloud at home, I feel like i'm always being brought down.

Can anyone help give me some clarity???


----------



## YupItsMe

One thing that jumped out at me was the sex hurts because you dont like him very much. No disrespect intended at all but thats sounds kinda out there. I wish for you to validate that medically so you know what cards you are holding.

The other things were your wondering if it would be better or worse because of the challenges of single motherhood. 

I am a landlord, quite social and quite interested in other people so I visit. My tenants tend to be single moms so I talk to a lot of them. 

To be frank, they are all very inspiring, happy and always have a man. Motherhood is the bomb. 

If your post is any indication, you seem sweet and thoughtful and he gets that and loves you but he does not seem to comprehend what you need from him and doesnt seem to care either. 

If you were my daughter, sister, mom, aunt or good buddy, I would say it might be time to start a new life with at least a shot at happiness with a loving companion instead of a predictable, disprespectful, unterested mean guy thats funny for 15 minutes a day and a rotten self centered prick the rest of the time.


----------



## the(wife)

YupItsMe said:


> One thing that jumped out at me was the sex hurts because you dont like him very much. No disrespect intended at all but thats sounds kinda out there. I wish for you to validate that medically so you know what cards you are holding.
> 
> The other things were your wondering if it would be better or worse because of the challenges of single motherhood.
> 
> I am a landlord, quite social and quite interested in other people so I visit. My tenants tend to be single moms so I talk to a lot of them.
> 
> To be frank, they are all very inspiring, happy and always have a man. Motherhood is the bomb.
> 
> If your post is any indication, you seem sweet and thoughtful and he gets that and loves you but he does not seem to comprehend what you need from him and doesnt seem to care either.
> 
> If you were my daughter, sister, mom, aunt or good buddy, I would say it might be time to start a new life with at least a shot at happiness with a loving companion instead of a predictable, disprespectful, unterested mean guy thats funny for 15 minutes a day and a rotten self centered prick the rest of the time.


_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## the(wife)

No offence take , In answer to your query to validate why sex hurts. I have had a severe prolapse (basically my insides have fallen out) it's rare to happen to women my age, but does happen. My cervix is now very low, so most every time "it" hits my cervix causing me a great deal of pain. I also have torn connective tissues in the groin region and suffer from vulvodynia, which is pain in the outer area. The reason I say not being attracted to him makes it worse is because the only way I seem to be able to forget the pain and just do it through it is when I am extremely turned on. Afterward the pain and burning is terrible, and never worth it.
I asked to "talk" tonight and he refuses, because he doesn't want to fight. I don't know how to explain how I feel if he won't listen. And if we never talk about the issue we are still gonna fight it just won't be planned.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------

