# Please help! Newbie with sex issues!!!



## chellebelle (Jan 17, 2011)

Hey! I am a married woman who just turned 35. I've been married almost eleven years. The last 2 have been rough, IMO. Let me briefly set the stage. We started having babies pretty much as soon as we got married, and our last was born 4.5 years ago. It seems like the majority of our marriage was based on kids and all the issues that come with them. That's all we really talked about. We rarely had sex, on my part, because I was always so tired. We NEVER had time to go out just the 2 of us. We finally started "dating" again occaisionally a couple years ago. I found it very awkward. I felt like we had nothing in common except our kids. Lately it seems like we get along on the surface, but on deeper issues, we don't. The arguments are much worse now too. The sex is a concern for me. It seems like for me to have a mind blowing orgasm, I need to fantasize about someone else. I feel like I have very little sexual attraction to my husband anymore, and I don't know how to get it back. I notice men everywhere, and I love to look at them. If they check me out as well, it makes me feel even better. I'm just so bored with my marriage, I miss the passion and the excitement. I feel bad for flirting, and checking out other men, but it feels so good that I don't stop! Is something wrong with me? I would love to know if anyone has been in a similar situation. Thanks.....


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## Grayson (Oct 28, 2010)

It can be daunting reigniting that spark when there are so many day-to-day issues that surround the kids. I speak from experience when I say that it can be done. After our son was born 9 years ago, we made a point of having a weekly "date night," when the grandparents would watch him, and we'd go out. Finances forced us to abandon those date nights for several years. In the past 6-8 months, we've started again, and they're quite successful. I think that's due, in part, to the ground rules we've set down for those nights.

1. We don't talk about the kiddo. We avoid that topic of conversation, not because we don't love the little guy, but because we don't want that to be the ONLY subject we have in common or that we can think of to talk about.
2. We act as "me" and "her," not "Mommy" and "Daddy." This is an extension of #1, and just means that we interact as a man and a woman who are interested in and attracted to one another, as opposed to a parenting team normally dealing with kiddo issues.
3. While we may both bring our cell phones with us for emergency contact, we ignore any texts, calls, etc that aren't from whoever's watching our son. Ideally, only one of us will carry our phone, and the other leaves theirs at home.

We enjoy our new, improved date nights quite a bit.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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