# Filed for divorce, now what?



## reinna (May 1, 2009)

My husband of 34 yrs. announced he wanted a divorce a few mths ago. We have fought and made up repeatedly since. Finally, I got an attorney and filed. It's what he said he wanted. Now he acts mad that I did it. I do not want a divorce. How do I convince my husband to get some counseling, I've had some already. Or am I just on a merry-go-round that I need to get off? Our only real issue is money.


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## Shoto1984 (Apr 11, 2009)

Reinna,

You'll probably have to give a little more detail about the money issue to get some good responses. Without it we dont know if the issue is stress from debt, one person repeatedly blowing the budget, agreeing on a budget, a control issue, fraud etc. Generally on the divorce issue, some people will use it as a threat in an effort to get the other persons attention or to communicate how seriously they feel about the issue without really intending to go through with it. There is an amount of empowerment in saying that you're ready to end things if this doesnt get fixed even if you don't really mean it. Some will also begin using the term because they are working into a comfort level with the idea of following through on it. The threat becomes a step toward becoming comfortable with doing it. As for the counseling idea, how about going together? He might be more open to it and you'll probably still do individual counseling with the same person.


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

Money is a HUGE issue, more so lack of it.

I'd say once someone tells you they want a divorce it would be in your best interests to mentally ready yourself as to the things you will need to begin your life divorced and all divorce settlemewnts should be based upon that as you have been married so long.
To say money is the only issue, just to note, it is a major issue ( lack of it) and may cause you a great deal of hardship in the future after your divorce.

I don't know if you can convince someone to go to counseling.

It never worked when I asked my husband.... as I see it, he thinks he can solve everything, lay down the law...
he doesn't even realize it yet but its not working.

He does not even care or realize how disgusted and unhappy I am with him as a husband.. because he doesn't care to...
just an example
as to why I don't think you can convince anyone of anything.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

I'm right there with you! My spouse said he wanted a divorce in 2007 because he wasn't happy. It has rocked on until now. He wouldn't go to marriage counseling to reconcile the marriage. He went to a couple of sessions because he wanted an amicable divorce and for us to remain friends. I have gone to counseling for 8 months now. I've learned plenty! I have lived with someone who has the Peter Pan Syndrome all these years. And because of that he is financially irresponsible! He has bankrupted our business enjoying all the pleasures in life. I decided to step off of the merry-go-round this week. After all, it is what he wanted! I didn't want a divorce either, but there was a breaking point for me!

Good luck!


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