# Husband Flirting



## Sweetestkiss (Sep 21, 2015)

My HB had a night with the boys Saturday I was find with it until he came home 6am. I called him about five times and no answer went straight to voice mail. When he came home he pretended to be completely drunk and non functional. The next morning he was acting very weird hiding his phone and acting paranoid. I asked him why was he acting so weird and he just said idk, a few minutes after that his phone rings and it’s a unknown number and he just stays silent on the phone.. he eventually told me he was flirting with someone and they exchanged number and he promised to take her to breakfast. He said they just talked and he told her that he was married but he was allowed to have “Friends”. I’m confused because he said I’m over reacting because I told him I was thinking of divorce we do have children together a 9 year old and a 9 month old... Am I really over reacting?


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

no, you're NOT over-reacting.

he's way out of line.

either be married and keep the flirting with your wife, or be not married and flirt and take women out for breakfast.

not both. end of story.


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## SentHereForAReason (Oct 25, 2017)

Lets forget speculation for a second but go into the low hanging fruit immediately.

Are you overreacting? The first word starts with an F and the 2nd word is NO!

Who knows what he actually did but even what he admitted to was a form of cheating. 

I saw that you had posts before this thread and saw a history a few years back of him not being real affectionate and not tending to your needs and if he was looking at porn everyday, a porn addiction. This dude has some issues and none of them are your own doing.

Before I go into what you can do about this, can you tell us if he has had any similar incidents or shady work, appearance or phone behavior in the recent past? Like past 6 months?


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## Sweetestkiss (Sep 21, 2015)

He did have a one night stand about 4 years ago, but after that there haven’t been any cheating no woman calling his phone and he completely stop hanging out with his friend until about a month ago. His excuse is the he was just flirting for fun he wasn’t going to take it any where that’s why he block the girls number.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

You're only over-reacting if you object to your husband dating because that what that was -- a breakfast date.


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## katies (May 19, 2015)

if your husband had a ONS 4 years ago he doesn't get any more boys nights out. Is it ok with you if he dates? Because that's what this is. I'd kick him out.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Sweetestkiss said:


> He did have a one night stand about 4 years ago, but after that there haven’t been any cheating no woman calling his phone and he completely stop hanging out with his friend until about a month ago. His excuse is the he was just flirting for fun he wasn’t going to take it any where that’s why he block the girls number.


Well, he's going out again. And flirting. And he made a breakfast date. What does that tell you?


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## SentHereForAReason (Oct 25, 2017)

Sweetestkiss said:


> He did have a one night stand about 4 years ago, but after that there haven’t been any cheating no woman calling his phone and he completely stop hanging out with his friend until about a month ago. His excuse is the he was just flirting for fun he wasn’t going to take it any where that’s why he block the girls number.


I know this will hurt to heart and I never believed it until I had to experience it myself with my EW over the past 18 years but once a Cheater (MOST LIKELY) Always a Cheater. He doesn't get any benefit of the doubt with his own past failure to be a loyal and faithful husband. 

Keep the pressure on. Many will say just divorce the fool now but if you want to entertain the thought of giving this dummy more chances, he is going to have to put being super husband into overdrive and start like yesterday. If he doesn't and stays with the overreacting story and putting the burden on you, let your threat of moving towards divorce move from words to action .... seriously.


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## StillSearching (Feb 8, 2013)

katies said:


> if your husband had a ONS 4 years ago he doesn't get any more boys nights out. Is it ok with you if he dates? Because that's what this is. I'd kick him out.


This!


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## manwithnoname (Feb 3, 2017)

And how many times did he cheat in between the ONS and this latest flirting where you didn't find out?

He's a slimeball who doesn't deserve you.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Sweetestkiss said:


> He did have a one night stand about 4 years ago, but after that there haven’t been any cheating no woman calling his phone and he completely stop hanging out with his friend until about a month ago. His excuse is the he was just flirting for fun he wasn’t going to take it any where that’s why he block the girls number.


Twice you have stated, "his friends". Your H needs new friends.

Also, you are not overreacting. In fact, you are under reacting specifically as your H has already did the dead 4 years ago. 

Drop has arse.


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## MaiChi (Jun 20, 2018)

Yeswecan said:


> Twice you have stated, "his friends". Your H needs new friends.
> 
> Also, you are not overreacting. In fact, you are under reacting specifically as your H has already did the dead 4 years ago.
> 
> Drop has arse.


I totally agree.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

So he likely spent most of the night with her till 6am. So what do you think they were doing exactly? 
Sad to say you have a bad husband.


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## Robert22205 (Jun 6, 2018)

No you're not over reacting....based on his past behavior he can't be trusted or given the benefit of the doubt. You know for sure he's cheated once so he forfeited his rights (forever) to have just friends, guys night outs, flirts or have private accounts. It's now his life mission to convince you that he's innocent every day .... you have no obligation to trust or believe him. People with weak core values relating to marriage need very very strict boundaries - with consequences for violating. Don't give him an inch. Tell him you scheduled a lie detector test for this Friday ....observe his response.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Sweetestkiss said:


> *He did have a one night stand about 4 years ago, *but after that there haven’t been any cheating no woman calling his phone and he completely stop hanging out with his friend until about a month ago. His excuse is the he was just flirting for fun he wasn’t going to take it any where that’s why he block the girls number.


That's all I am thinking about, now.

He isn't what you thought.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

I don't think anyone believes he was "only flirting" with the woman until 6 am. Who does that! No one, that's who. Likely he has physically cheated on you again and was supposed to take her to breakfast, but didn't because he knew he was already in hot water.

And what on earth would give him the impression that he could date and have girl friends?

Now your husband is minimizing this horrendous behavior and trying to make you feel guilty about your rejection of being treated wrongly. 

No - this is all on him. If you want a divorce, make a phone call and set up with an attorney. I'd recommend that you buy a book or two on divorce in your state and get a really good idea of what is involved, including your rights, responsibilities, and what to expect regarding custody and child support.


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## SentHereForAReason (Oct 25, 2017)

CynthiaDe said:


> I don't think anyone believes he was "only flirting" with the woman until 6 am. Who does that! No one, that's who. Likely he has physically cheated on you again and was supposed to take her to breakfast, but didn't because he knew he was already in hot water.
> 
> And what on earth would give him the impression that he could date and have girl friends?
> 
> ...


Another concerning point is he must be deep I to her head with blameshifting because on another thread she has a sense that this is just men being men.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

stillfightingforus said:


> Another concerning point is he must be deep into her head with blameshifting because on another thread she has a sense that this is just men being men.


Good catch. That's a very unhealthy dynamic. It's important for her to be aware of what he is actually doing here.


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## seadoug105 (Jan 12, 2018)

He did it before.... and he got caught...

So ya caught him trying to do it again...

How many times has he done it and gotten away with it????

You need answers and not the kind he will just volunteer...

It's time you did a deep dive investigating his activities.... perhaps the guys he is out with talk to their wives... or he talks to others.... this is where exposure helps... it helps to keep them accountable and it helps other to feel strong enough to tell you what they know without the (irrational) feeling that by telling you they are the ones ruining your marriage.... cheating is and always will be 100% the cheaters fault.


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## Decorum (Sep 7, 2012)

He likely cheated with her. 
I am so sorry.

His excuses are insulting.

You deserve the truth.

Only you can decide, he doesn't deserve you.

He is hoping you will be afraid to push it.

You must show him, you are done.

I would file, it takes time to get divorced, you can stop it if you choose.

I just dont think he will respect you without real consequences.

I think you will find very helpful support all the way through this here.

Please take advantage of it.

Take care.


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## Decorum (Sep 7, 2012)

We often use the term here, genuine remorse.

That is more than regret or trying to stay out of trouble. 

You should not give an inch until you see the beginnings of that.


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## Decorum (Sep 7, 2012)

Can you call any of the wives of the other guys to help.

He has her number, demand for him to give you his phone and call her.

Tel him it's the phone or divorce.

With his past it's proof or divorce. 

He may have lied to her saying he was not married. This may be why she was expecting breakfast.

If you can find her name you may be able to approach her, even go to the club.

Can you get access to his phone another way?


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## RWB (Feb 6, 2010)

SK,

I'm all about giving a 2nd chance... 3rds, 4ths, 5ths no way.

All this talk of more getting more evidence, do you really need anymore. Your H is a confirmed cheater. Oh, and BTW, do you really believe the ONS story 4 years ago? Hear a truth... rarely is the time that a cheater is caught the first and only time they cheated. More correctly it's just the first time caught. 

You definitely need Counseling... that is from a Divorce Attorney.


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## BarbedFenceRider (Mar 30, 2018)

Rug-Sweep-orama! 

4 years ago she CAUGHT him with the ONS. The rest of the time....NOT CAUGHT. 

But this latest bout is just enlightening....It's almost like he WANTS to be caught. He knows she will take him back, again and again.


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## Sweetestkiss (Sep 21, 2015)

I might be crazy but kinda believe him that he didn’t cheat. He gave me the girls number and told me to call her to confirm ( but thats BS) because she can easily lie about it) I do have friends that know her personally because she does live close to our neighborhood. Also he did call her in front of me and told her she can’t call his phone and apologized for leading her on to think they can have something. This doesn’t happen all the time I know that for sure I have access too every account/ phone and I never found anything besides the ONS he had and he was the one that came out and told me about it.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Sweetestkiss said:


> I might be crazy but kinda believe him that he didn’t cheat. He gave me the girls number and told me to call her to confirm ( but thats BS) because she can easily lie about it) I do have friends that know her personally because she does live close to our neighborhood. Also he did call her in front of me and told her she can’t call his phone and apologized for leading her on to think they can have something. This doesn’t happen all the time I know that for sure I have access too every account/ phone and I never found anything besides the ONS he had and he was the one that came out and told me about it.


None of this makes it all better. Your H should not have put himself in this position. Already had a ONS! How is your H making you feel safe because he isn't. Your H needs new friends and hobby that does not include bars.


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## SentHereForAReason (Oct 25, 2017)

Sweetestkiss said:


> I might be crazy but kinda believe him that he didn’t cheat. He gave me the girls number and told me to call her to confirm ( but thats BS) because she can easily lie about it) I do have friends that know her personally because she does live close to our neighborhood. Also he did call her in front of me and told her she can’t call his phone and apologized for leading her on to think they can have something. This doesn’t happen all the time I know that for sure I have access too every account/ phone and I never found anything besides the ONS he had and he was the one that came out and told me about it.


I feel like there's nothing we can say to get you to the next step right now, you are probably going to have to experience this a few more times before you realize, it's just not by coincidence. Someone who had a ONS and does this means, he's never changed. If I committed heinous acts against my marriage when I was married and I wanted to reconcile, this is the opposite of what it should look like. You say you believe he didn't cheat but even what you know is actually cheating. You mean you believe he didn't (fill in the blank) her.

We don't say these things because we are hardened, want you to be miserable or even want you to fail. We say what we are saying to help you and prevent you from experiencing a long period of anguish by being married to a cheater. 

Anything less than him being totally remorseful, giving you full access to his phone and other accounts at all times and telling you he is forgoing 'boys nights out' for the foreseeable future should be a deal breaker.


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## Trident (May 23, 2018)

Sweetestkiss said:


> I might be crazy but kinda believe him that he didn’t cheat.


.......................^ This.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Your husband isn't flirting. He is cheating.


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## Lillotta83 (May 16, 2018)

Ifound out years after the fact that my husband had cheated on me while out of town working, twice with the same girl, and then had a ones with some girl about 8 years later from a bar in the town he was working in at that time. Please dont fall for the lies, my husband and I have been working on our marriage for the past 23 years. And it wasn't until last year when I caught him lying about so many things that I was on my way out the door, I told him he better come clean with everything, I think he finally got it, he finally realized what he had done. I know I will never completely trust him again and I don't have all the answers to my questions but he is willing to talk to me and has confessed to the things he has done. You can't even start to work on the issues if he's in denial. Marriage counseling really helps. I hope you can get to the truth.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

He "apologized to her for leading her on to think they can have something"? Really? You are very naive to think there's a remote possibility of having a good marriage with this guy. He likes to play.


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## Cing.84 (Jul 9, 2018)

You are not over reacting. He’s flirting and more. He’s cheating.


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