# Not Sure How to Take This



## sooz (May 21, 2009)

Hi there,

I never thought I would need to talk about my marriage. I always expected my husband to support me. I guess I was wrong. I just needd an objective ear to help.
I know men are different than women, but I never felt so blatantly disrespected. 
Why is it that your husband can be the meanest person sometimes and totally disregard your feelings. I have spent many nights crying because I have felt so alone in my marriage. My husband will do anything for others, without hesitation. He commits to doing something with me and then changes plans, doesn't tell me and then acts as if it is my fault. He very rarely apologizes for this and doesn't feel he should apologize. I married him and when I took my vows, I believed that what was said in God's eyes was the way it was going to be. I guess promises are broken everyday.
I know I am rambling, but it feels good to talk to someone about this. I get so mad at him for breaking plans with me but keeping plans with friends, at all cost. He gets mad at me for holding him to what he says. He thinks that much of what I do and my reasons for doing things is stupid. 
I feel my spirit dwindlingand I just need someone to hear me.


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## Oldfart (Mar 14, 2009)

Hi,

I wonder if he truly respects you ?
As his wife,
His best friend,
His lover,
Mother of his children etc etc etc, get my drift

What sort of person is this guy, marriage is a two way street, so tell him how you feel. At least you will know where you stand even if you don’t want to hear it.

If you feel he is just using you for sex, have a good think about where you want to be in 10 years. Can you see yourself still with him? Life is too short not to be happy.

Respect for each other is sacrosanct in a marriage.


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## GAsoccerman (Mar 24, 2008)

can you give us some examples? I know many ment that do this, but know some women that do it as well.


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

I had an uncle like that ( he is dead now) who was married to a woman who had the same complaints as you.
She said he was wonderful to others, but not his own family.

What I personally noted, was: his wife was very much hateful when he showed any kindness to anyone and she was all consumed with money despite her not working and not having her own money. I believe thats what the problem was as she tried to control him and his actions, which made him want to be nice to others. She would even have a fit if he wanted to give me 20 dollars for a birthday present when I was a teenager... so
there are 2 sides to every story. If you are controlling of him, this may be how he lashes back at you to let you know that you can't control him.
You could try talking to him about your feelings but I'll tell you what won't work, which is what my aunt ( by marraige) did was nag him and keep trying to control him. They ended up divorced and she 
has been living in a run down mobile home since ( about 30 years) and is very poor.. sometimes she has guys move in and trades sex for help in paying her bills, much like my uncle said would happen...
that she would go back to the trailer park in which he found her.
Maybe not your situation
but letting you know what didn't work for her ( nagging)


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