# childless couples and activities



## Adeline (Jan 24, 2014)

I am wondering about the kinds of things that other childless couples do together on a regular basis, whether you are choosing to be childfree permanently or you are just waiting to have kids. I have some criteria for those that answer though, I ask that you *be married at least 5 years or more AND are at least in your late 20s and above.* 

Reason for this is because I think the dynamic changes when you've been married for longer and are older when you don't have children. I've been married for several years without kids and our life was completely different when we were young and only married a couple years. Everything is new and exciting.

So tell me not just the big activities that you occasionally do together, but literally what a typical weekend looks like for you and your spouse. Do you go out and do some sort of activity together every weekend? Do you stay in more often than not and just "hang out" around the house? Do you spend a lot of time together, or do you usually spend weekends doing each of your chores and errands? Or do you have each have separate activities that you go to?


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## Moovers (Dec 24, 2013)

We are together more than 5 years and are much more comfortable around each other, we do everything together. The newest thing is to wax each other, it started to save some money but now it is kinda fun. I know, sounds weird..


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening Adeline
I'm going to once again break my rule of not talking about myself here because I think children are such an important issue. I am married many years (>>5) without children.

On a typical weekend we will get together with friends over lunch or dinner or something. Go for a long walk in a park. Sometimes go to a show in a nearby city. Have passionate sex. We also of course have to do the usual chores - though without kids there aren't so many. 

We travel all over the world - not having kids really changes your financial situation later in life. We have time consuming hobbies - too specific for me to mention here, but things like cross country skiing and sailing. We enjoy these sometimes separately and sometimes together.

I can't remember the last time I couldn't think of something to do with my time.


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

I have been married for over 26 years and have 3 children. 

But I can remember a time back when we had been married for 4 years and life seemed kind of boring. We would go to work, come home and watch TV and go to bed. I played fastball a couple of nights a week and we played badminton together one night a week. 

Got to a point where it seemed the next natural phase of our marriage was to have children. Which kept us busy for the next 21 years. Still does somewhat. Children became my wife's reason for being (SAHM) and one of my main motivations for providing for the 'family'.

But I am interested in your responses, because we are now at a point where our oldest has moved out and our other two will be in university. So we will be childless in the not too distant future.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

We're together 10 years and have an empty next. Whoop!

Our typical weekends are spent with, first of all, a lot of personal time to do things we each enjoy separately...and then second of all, dates, playing sports together, seeing family and friends, watching movies, going to dinner, having sex, having more sex, and then finally, more sex.


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## Eagle3 (Dec 4, 2013)

Yeah but FW are you guys having any sex though?


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## inquizitivemind (Jul 16, 2013)

LOL @ Eagle. 

Well I can't speak for myself because I have a child and yes there is not much time to do anything alone with my husband. However, my brother and his wife have been married for 6 years and they don't have kids. They go out a lot together and do a variety of things on the weekend. They love to eat out in restaurants, drive go-carts, play mini-golf, go to baseball games in the summer, take long drives together. They have a very happy marriage because they enjoy spending their time together. Sometimes my brother says they just sit at home though and watch a movie..or the sex thing I'm sure, but my brother would never tell me that.


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## Adeline (Jan 24, 2014)

Interesting! I'm just wondering about other peoples' "normal" as we have kind of lost our "normal." I have one good friend in a serious relationship where they pretty much never leave the house. They stay in on weekends and watch tv and movies. They don't ever go out and do anything else and seem to have no desire to. But, they've only been together a year. It makes me wonder if they will still be happy with doing that same routine 5 years plus down the road.

And then for me and my husband we were always go go go the first few years of our marriage. We lived in an area that had LOTS to do. Good camping areas nearby, places that became "our" places like "our pizza place" and "our park" and bizarre little establishments that we'd spend frequent Friday nights at. Concerts and fairs and festivals. Just lots to do. Then we moved across the country to a small town with very little to do. Everything, including nature, is an hour plus drive. We spend a lot more time at home. I always feel like we are "missing out" on something, but I'm not sure what. It just didn't used to be our pace to be at home, sitting on the couch watching tv so much. And then I have a friend who willing does that with her boyfriend despite having lots to do around her. So maybe I shouldn't complain, I don't know! 

I don't want this to turn into "if you don't have kids life becomes boring" because I didn't mean that at all, but part of what inspired this thread is because I feel kind of like how SadSamIam described where I feel bored with life without kids and it seems like it is time for that next step. But that can't happen right now until our marriage is repaired. But I do think a lot how there would be so much more to do with kids because you would do things that you normally wouldn't or do things more frequently that you normally wouldn't and would be fun. Like going to the zoo every month. Or a childrens museum 8 times a year. Or the playground every weekend. Not fun to do that a million times alone. But fun with a kid. And just in general I miss where we used to live.


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## dignityhonorpride (Jan 2, 2014)

Hi Adeline,

We meet your criteria and are childless by choice and, secondarily, by reason of infertility.  I kinda feel the same way as you - even though I'm WAY busy, I feel like I'm falling out of step with my peers; everyone's either single and in, like, med school, or married and pregnant or married with a little one, and we are now really, truly out of step. I've been antsy, nagging my H to get out of the house more than ever / more than usual, and have been daydreaming about starting my own business, and that's kind of easing my ....I wouldn't call it discomfort, exactly, but it's close. 

It's probably different because we know and have always known that we don't want kids, but I can relate nonetheless.


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## PAgirl (Sep 10, 2013)

My best friend has been married 14 years and no children. They are very outdoorsy. They go camping, kayaking, caving, hiking. In the winter they ski a lot! They also go to lots of concerts.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Adeline said:


> ...I feel bored with life without kids and it seems like it is time for that next step. *But that can't happen right now until our marriage is repaired.*


That's a twist to your original question. What do you mean by your marriage needs to be "repaired"?


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good afternoon all
I think that if you have children they provide "something to do" all of the time - there is never enough time to spend on your children.

If you don't have children you need to look for things to do. There are lots of good options, lots of fun interesting things to do, but they won't find you, you need to find them.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

richardsharpe said:


> Good afternoon all
> I think that if you have children they provide "something to do" all of the time - there is never enough time to spend on your children.
> 
> If you don't have children you need to look for things to do. There are lots of good options, lots of fun interesting things to do, but they won't find you, you need to find them.


Correct

And having kids, forces you to find these sort of things and be more creative.

The hardest part of 20s/early 30s is really finding YOURSELF. 

I found that EVERYTHING that I THOUGHT was "cool" when I was teen/20s........was actually completely opposite. And things I thought were "lame" have become the most wonderful things in my life.

When you reach the above point, it's a sign of maturity IMO. 

I think our sociaty blind is SO much and it takes time to really look past it and find out what you really enjoy in life.

For me, it ended up being NOTHING I thought I would. Ok fine, Sports is the only thing that remained.


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## ClimbingTheWalls (Feb 16, 2013)

Married nearly 25 years.

No children - he has 2 adult children from a previous marriage and there are grandchildren.

We typically go out for a drink or two most evenings. We'll eat out a couple of nights a week.

If we stay in we may watch TV but are equally at home having a chat.

We go to the gym together most days.

We go away for short hotel breaks regularly.

My view on children giving you something to do all the time is that if you rely on your children to give your life purpose you will be in BIG trouble when they fly the nest. Many couples unintentionally allow the children to take over their lives; if you do it on purpose you are asking for trouble down the line.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

I'm not in the situation (I have 3 kids in the house still, married 22 years). But I do have a number of friends without kids who have been married a long long time. They seem to have an awesome life. 2 incomes, no kids! One friend does a lot of traveling, sometimes together, sometimes solo. They do a lot of cycling, climbing, kayaking. They're active in church, go to the opera and symphony. I don't think their life is lacking at all.


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## Adeline (Jan 24, 2014)

happy as a clam said:


> That's a twist to your original question. What do you mean by your marriage needs to be "repaired"?


It's hard to tell if this boredom has come from a rocky marriage, moving, or being ready for kids, since they all happened somewhat simultaneously! But yes, we are working on building a strong marriage after a rough 2 years. The very beginning stages. We lost all our "normal" at the same time.

For those saying you have to look for things to do, believe me, I do! Where we used to live we didn't really have to look, it was just there haha. Here I spend countless hours it seems on the internet searching for things to do, it's how I know things are an hour plus drive away! It's just not feasible to do that everyday or every weekend. It'd be one thing if this "middle of no where" that we live in was the middle of nature that we could enjoy, but it isn't  If you think the Olive Garden and Walmart every Saturday is thrilling, then this place is for you 

I enjoy museums, aquariums, zoos, historical places, camping, the mountains, the beach, concerts, antiquing, fairs and festivals, tourist traps, mini golf etc etc etc I enjoy a lot of things! It's just they aren't here. I've found each of those activities since we've lived here but either it's several hours away so it can't be done too often, or it's something where I am good with doing it just once a year (like a zoo).


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## Forever Grateful (Aug 15, 2013)

I'm 30 and H is 28, been married 5 yrs with no children yet. Even though I want some in the near future I have to admit not having any right now is pretty fun. It allows a bit more spontaneity in the relationship, we have extra money to spend on ourselves, get to go out often, go on more romantic vacations, dinner is frequently intimate with just the two of us, get to walk around the house with little or no clothes on, and having sex without being disturbed whenever & wherever we want is pretty cool.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

We're 34 and 35, don't have any kids together, have been together for 14 years and married for almost 6. We keep pushing it off. Kids have not improved the marriages of the majority of people we know, quite the opposite to be honest.

We enjoy our freedom too much, it seems. I'm more of a homebody at this point, she's in a phase where she wants to do a lot. Sometimes we spend time together at the movies, going for walks, hiking occasionally when we can get out of the city, museums, out to dinner here and there and we travel 2-3 times a year together for our anniversary and birthdays. We do spend a good amount of time snuggled up on the couch watching films and shows.

Our work is such that we sometimes have to go on trips without the other. It's great never having to worry about kids and scheduling conflicts.

We spend a lot of time doing our own thing individually. We both go to church together but I've become very involved with the community, growing closer to people, and am now involved in ministry. That takes up a fair amount of time. We also have seperate friend groups so either of us could be out with friends at any given weekend, or even weekday. We work out separately, she at the gym, me doing my own thing. 

We want kids eventually but neither of us feel like our lives are lacking because we're childless together. And spending time with people with kids actually tends to make both of us feel relieved that we get to go home to a child-free environment.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

We've been together about 15 years, the last 12 without kids - they're adults, have moved out, live far away, are not married, and there are no grandchildren so far.

We do or have done a variety of activities, most of which we do together: hiking, travel, dance classes, martial arts classes, art classes, visiting art museums, theatre, the beach, exercise, meeting with friends for lunch, wine tastings, movies, dinner, drinks, holiday celebrations. During a typical week we also watch a variety of TV shows and movies together, read a lot (many of the same books, which we often discuss), sex (can't forget that!), and the usual chores, errands, and shopping. Occasionally one of us will go out alone - she to a women's group, me to a meetup group, or something similar.

We talk to the kids every few weeks, typically, so they're no longer a big part of our normal activities.


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