# My husband left me for an 18 year old



## Honeystly (Mar 1, 2012)

Hi everybody, this is my first time posting ever, as my marriage just fell apart 8 weeks ago. I am 32 years old and my husband is 29. We have been married for 3 years, together for 7.5 and we have two children aged 23 months and 12 weeks. My marriage went down the crapper when I received an accidental voicemail from my husband who unintentionally called me when telling his friend about his plan to leave me. Things between us have been shaky ever since we had children and he has disconnected emotionally for about 7 months, but I honestly thought it was just a rough patch due to changing circumstances.
In the past 7 months he would always have his phone on him and I would constantly catch him texting and hiding. He began walking the dog every evening, spending virtually no quality time with me. He did not want me to come back to our bedroom after I slept in our bub's room when he was a baby, so his crying wouldn't wake my husband up. I tried to go to marriage councelling, and we went once... then my husband refused to keep going. I gave birth to our second child 12 weeks ago, and my husband didn't even comfort me when I was in pain during childbirth. He left when my daughter was 4 weeks old. 
He is a professional musician and a guitar tutor but not a sleaze (up until now), doesn't do drugs, etc. Anyways all of a sudden I noticed on FB his band promoting a 17 yr old student of his who just graduated high school 3 months ago! He was taking her 'on tour' over the weekend. Then I checked her profile and my blood froze. She had all these pictures from his gigs, and turns out she went to every single gig she could for over a year, had private lessons, after school activities... she even had pics of him from school camp. This is so sick. His band played for her 16th b-day party! He used to talk about her, but honestly I would NEVER suspect anything like this. I confronted him with this info and he told me to 'leave her alone'. He said that they are just friends and yes she goes over his new place, but just to 'jam and chill out'. This girl is obviously just a child but for f-sake he left me for her and boy did she pursue this. It makes me sick.... Her profile is all his favorite bands, and books and tv shows... Her profile is HIM. This child is obsessed and kinda creepy as is my husband! I just know he is in love with her. This kills me. And no I did not get fat, I have no stretch marks and that throws me too, because this kid is quite homely looking. I am actually far more attractive which bothers me even more. My husband was so happy to leave it really makes me sick. I know he definitely cheated emotionally and no i wouldn't take him back. My question is... do you think that he had sex with this girl while we were still together? Also, was this my fault because I was so tuned into having a family ( i didn't used to be like that), while he wanted to be a super adored rock star? I asked him why he married me then and he said 'honestly, I don't know'. Is this my fault?


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## Honeystly (Mar 1, 2012)

Also, how long should I expect this 'love' to last? I just want to brace myself.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

It's not your fault.

They likely did have sex, because she no doubt threw herself at him - BUT

also, it sounds like your husband is suffering big time from the fear of growing up and being a man. he still wants to be the cool rock star and not the family man.

First you need to get rid of 18 yr old - which will get tired of your husband as he's 29 and ancient to her. He's no doubt a prize because he's musician, but honestly this chick is going to start getting interested in other things too in the next few years, so there's no future there.

Affairs don't like exposure - and 18 yr olds don't like kids.

so I suggest exposing her to her parents and his parents. Don't waste an ounce of breath on her - she'll just get off on the drama and make her feel like a grown up.

Next, make sure your husband is taking care of the kids - especially on weekends. You want to make his home baby central and you want to tie him down being a dad so he can't spend fun time with the OLW (other little woman in this case . She'll find he's old and boring when he can't take her out on Fri and Sat night.


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## NSaudagar (Feb 23, 2012)

U know this is the situation i don't have any answer.....

Coz no one will see that "my lover loves another". It soooo critical situation for u.

Bt don't worry, u know wt is the diff b/w u nd that girl. U r wife.
So.... Don't be sad. If he is saying that they r just frnds. so why u r having doubts like... He loves her nd may be they had sex. Dont think that.

Just remember in any situation he is on ur side not her. If may be it's true that he likes her, bt at last he has to return to ur side, he has to regret.

U need to change ur mind set nd just be a good mother. Just show him how u r differ from that girl, how ur love is greater than her. Nd see he'll be return to u.

So..... Just wait for the situation when he needs u, he understand ur love, he understand wt is his role as father.

Best of Luck for u
Bye


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

yes, they did have sex.


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## Beowulf (Dec 7, 2011)

Shaggy said:


> It's not your fault.
> 
> They likely did have sex, because she no doubt threw herself at him - BUT
> 
> ...


Good advice Shaggy. The exposure can make it very uncomfortable for them. And can't you just see him asking her to help take care of the kids when he has them and saying "well you're a woman, it's supposed to be natural for you to take care of kids." That'll be be death knell of their relationship no doubt.


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## Honeystly (Mar 1, 2012)

i told him to keep her away from the kids, he said 'done'.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

It's not your fault.

I'm sorry you're dealing with this.

I hope you are taking precautions not to have more children with him.


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## Beowulf (Dec 7, 2011)

Honeystly said:


> i told him to keep her away from the kids, he said 'done'.


I can understand your concern for their safety. Alternatively, maybe demand he come see them at your house every weekend? I know it will be hard for you to see him considering everything that has happened but it will keep them apart when she wants him to take her partying. At the very least expose their affair to everyone who can influence them.

Edit: Stupid people and their stupid midlife crises. Sorry, I needed to say that. It burns me up when people have to go through hell due to another's selfishness.


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## Honeystly (Mar 1, 2012)

no sex going on... he's gone


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## Eli-Zor (Nov 14, 2010)

Honeystly said:


> he left me and in not attracted to me any longer (his words on the aforementioned voicemail), so i supposed that would have to be a miracle.... ehh


Waywards say many things , follow the advice given and cramp his life style. Once she sees he is occupied with children and busy fending for himself , his attractiveness drops. Her parents should be told and your husband identified by name.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Bugz Bunny (Nov 28, 2011)

Your husband is an idiot...every man that cheats on his wife while she is pregnant or after she recently gave birth is the biggest ass in the world...and this idiot even left you and his newborn child...

When sometime in future he gets his brain back and tries to come back never let him in your heart again...restart your life,rebuild your life and start working on making yourself happy so that you can be a happy person and a great mom for your children...You being happy and enjoying life without him will be his biggest punishment...

Good Luck


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## NSaudagar (Feb 23, 2012)

Hey guys.....

Why u r trying to break their relation.
It's good to keep it better than break the relation.

Plz give proper advice...


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## deejov (Sep 24, 2011)

I"m so sorry. It's not your fault. And it's not your kids' fault either.
Have you talked to anyone about custody \ access? Is he giving you money (why not?)


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## Lone Star (Feb 2, 2012)

It is not your fault. Trust me, my cheating H has blamed everyone under the sun for his actions. 
I am so sorry you are going through all this.


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## In_The_Wind (Feb 17, 2012)

Hi Honey sorry you are here No its not yr fault this is his actions exposure is the number one affair killer
Might also consider talking to a atty. Also sometimes you have to be willing to go all the way 
Ie divorce to get him to see his reality. Do you want him back or are you done?
Once you have decided what you want tam members can guide you on the next steps

Good luck
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

NSaudagar said:


> Hey guys.....
> 
> Why u r trying to break their relation.
> It's good to keep it better than break the relation.
> ...


When do we get a "dislike" option?


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## johnnycomelately (Oct 30, 2010)

Honeystly said:


> Also, was this my fault because I was so tuned into having a family ( i didn't used to be like that), while he wanted to be a super adored rock star? I asked him why he married me then and he said 'honestly, I don't know'. Is this my fault?


You are supposed to be tuned in to having a family. There is nothing wrong with that. 

The problem is that he looked at adulthood and decided he would prefer to stay a teenager with jukebox hero fantasies.

Good luck.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

NSaudagar said:


> U know this is the situation i don't have any answer.....
> 
> Coz no one will see that "my lover loves another". It soooo critical situation for u.
> 
> ...


You are telling her that she should put up with his infidelity until he decides to return home to her? :scratchhead:


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

NSaudagar said:


> Hey guys.....
> 
> Why u r trying to break their relation.
> It's good to keep it better than break the relation.
> ...


Their relationship is already broken. He moved out of the house, left his wife for an 18 year old girl. 

The wife (the OP) now has to get on with her life.

Why are you telling a woman to pretend that her husband is not cheating on her and has not left her? Do you really think that women have to let their husband's cheat until the husband is tired of cheating? Really?


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## desert-rose (Aug 16, 2011)

Expose the affair to her parents and his family. Serve him with divorce papers. It looks like they've been having an inappropriate relationship for some time while she was underage. When that comes to the surface, it will break the little bubble of the affair and either he will snap out of it and come back to you, or you will be free of a total creep who would only continue to take advantage of your further.

Good Luck. I'm sorry you're in this situation, but I think you and your kids are better off without the guy.


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## Honeystly (Mar 1, 2012)

i'm done. he's broken my trust and heart completely. I just don't want to see him with that girl. Any other girl probably won't even bother me in the future. They can have him


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## ing (Mar 26, 2011)

Hi Honeystly
First of all I am really sorry you are here, but it is a good place to be in your situation.

It is in no way your fault. This made my blood alternately freeze and boils. Your husband is has a groupie and he is acting like a child.

Our primary aim here is to protect your sanity and your family.
Your family is YOU and your children. 
Your H has broken your heart, watched it happen and continued to do that while deserting you and his children. 

Don't make any big decisions right now but you need to go NO CONTACT with the guy. If he wants to see his kids it is on your terms.

Open new bank accounts and move half of any savings into ours now. In fact I would clean it out..

File for Divorce. You can always stop it.

Stay with us. Keep posting. You will got lots of good advice here.


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## AngryandUsed (Jun 23, 2011)

Dont blame yourself. He cheated.
He is not a family stuff, and his affair with 18 year will soon end when she sees something better.
For yourself, consult your doctor. Take care of yourself.
Did you consider exposing your H?
I do not know how financially independent you are.


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## AngryandUsed (Jun 23, 2011)

*i'm done. he's broken my trust and heart completely. I just don't want to see him with that girl. Any other girl probably won't even bother me in the future. They can have him *

How can someone else can have him?


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## Honeystly (Mar 1, 2012)

Well, I simply cannot be with him and since he doesn't want to be with me anymore he can be with somebody else. I just don't want cheating rubbed in my face... that's all. I want to retain some dignity for the years to come


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## Beowulf (Dec 7, 2011)

Honeystly said:


> Well, I simply cannot be with him and since he doesn't want to be with me anymore he can be with somebody else. I just don't want cheating rubbed in my face... that's all. I want to retain some dignity for the years to come


Trust me you have dignity. He doesn't and that's not your fault. It's his character flaw. You are strong and have done nothing wrong.


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## Honeystly (Mar 1, 2012)

Today is my 32nd b-day. I found her twitter feeds today. The day I found out I was pregnant she said: "roses are red, violet are blue, you *****"
Then there was a whole bunch about making love, and i love us, and message pretty much telling my husband to leave me and to take a leap of faith, that she cannot live without him.
happy birthday to me


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## In_The_Wind (Feb 17, 2012)

Happy bday Honey !!!!! Think about it he is getting no prize if she is willing to cheat with you then its only a matter of time before she cheats on you
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SprucHub (Jan 13, 2012)

Honey- Happy Birthday. It may not mean much from anonymous internet posters, but realize there are better people out there. You are better off learning now that he is so desperate that he is sucked in by an 18 y/o's infatuation. You have 2 children and years of peace, fun, and love ahead of you. Him walking around with a little girl does not affect your diginity (acting in a manner so others respect you), it affects his. You maintain your dignity by acting the way you are, not taking his crap and stupidity. 

Also, please do not be confused and think - he left me because i was pregnant, had/have signs of having children, am too busy with them, am not pretty enough, am old . . . He left because he is a childish imp. 

Happy Birthday again, have a little party with your little ones!


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## Beowulf (Dec 7, 2011)

Happy Birthday Honeystly,

You WILL find a better man because you are a good person and good people attract good karma.


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## desert-rose (Aug 16, 2011)

Honeystly said:


> Today is my 32nd b-day. I found her twitter feeds today. The day I found out I was pregnant she said: "roses are red, violet are blue, you *****"
> Then there was a whole bunch about making love, and i love us, and message pretty much telling my husband to leave me and to take a leap of faith, that she cannot live without him.
> happy birthday to me


One day, he will learn that his relationship with the teenager who is apparently an insipid twit is really just glorified babysitting and he lost something better because he was trying so hard to be a cliche that he couldn't keep his head on straight.

You should do something really indulgent and celebrate your birthday and treat yourself. There's a whole world out there available to actual grown ups that he and his nearly underage groupie won't have access to, but you will. Celebrate you like a grown up and remember all the good things about your freedom that you now have! I know birthdays are tough and full of triggers, but, reclaim it for you!


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## Honeystly (Mar 1, 2012)

I'm glad it's the day after already. He didn't wish me a happy birthday and claimed all those tweets were just song lyrics and movie quotes. What they were were messages for my husband encouraging him to leave me. What hurts is that all of our private stuff was aired out and filtered out to her. It took two people to make a relationship, 3 to break it. It makes me sad and angry and ashamed. Turns out she WILL be 18 in two months! She doesn't even drive yet. That's why I feel pathetic. I was traded in for an obsessive child, and he doesn't even pick up his phone or text back. He simply wants me not to exist anymore as it is an inconvenience. He still won't admit to cheating despite piles of evidence. I told him i'll just wait for her to be gone, as she will be and then we can co-parent as adults. Right now he doesn't want any contact with me. They were cheating for about 11 months now from what I gather. How long do affairs last? Anyone?


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

She is a kid. Inform her parents


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## Beowulf (Dec 7, 2011)

warlock07 said:


> She is a kid. Inform her parents


Agreed. Then go dark. Stop trying to contact him. When you chase someone all they do is run away. When you stop chasing they stop running. Then they look around and realize they don't know where they are anymore.


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## reset button (Mar 14, 2012)

I would inform her parents. What he did is illegal. She needs someone looking out for her


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

reset button said:


> I would inform her parents. What he did is illegal. She needs someone looking out for her


The legalities of his actions depend upon which jurisdiction he`s in.

17 could very well be the age of consent where they are.


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## WhoHaveIBecome (Mar 9, 2012)

reset button said:


> I would inform her parents. What he did is illegal. She needs someone looking out for her


Its not illegal. The OP has said the age of consent is 16 where they live. Even in the United States in most states the age of consent is 16 or 17. Its very rare for the age of consent to be 18. Its a total misnomer that 18 is legal. So what the cheating husband is doing is not illegal. Its wrong and unfair to his wife but in no way shape or form is it illegal. Nothing will come of alerting the police.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

I think it's so stupid to have the age of consent being 16. Maybe if the bf/gf is no more than 4 or 5 years older than her/him.

But a grown man and a 17 year old? He has issues. She sees the money, he sees the p*ssy, but....it's just gross.


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## ing (Mar 26, 2011)

Age of consent here is 16 but there is a proviso, the other person must not be more than two years older. .This is quiet sensible as it allows lighting strike be together 4 ever teenagers to have fun but not grown men to prey on children!
18 and 30 is just off..


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## sunshinetoday (Mar 7, 2012)

I hope you have told her parents!! They need to know. 

And don't worry, I predict this relationship with his 18 y.o will not last very long. But that doesn't mean you should sit around and wait. Really don't do that.


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## Honeysweet (Oct 27, 2012)

Hi. I have read alot of these things but I too have never joined on line till now. Your story resonated with me the most. I feel like nobody knows what it's like to be in my situation, but you do. I would like to message you privately but I can't figure out how to do it on here.


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

Honeysweet, just clic in her name at any of her posts, the message option will apear. You can also go to her profile the same way so you can read more threads started by her and follow her story in order.
Here's her latest:
H cheated left 9 months ago ow called me last week... update


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## workindad (May 7, 2011)

that_girl said:


> I think it's so stupid to have the age of consent being 16. Maybe if the bf/gf is no more than 4 or 5 years older than her/him.
> 
> But a grown man and a 17 year old? He has issues. She sees the money, he sees the p*ssy, but....it's just gross.


Absolutely agree


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## Honeystly (Mar 1, 2012)

Yes, it's 9 months later and she now moved in. We don't get a divorce until Jan of next year. Acabado above left the link to the latest. It's a nightmare and absurd. Honeysweet I'll get in touch you soon. Hang in there.


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## Broken at 20 (Sep 25, 2012)

that_girl said:


> I think it's so stupid to have the age of consent being 16. Maybe if the bf/gf is no more than 4 or 5 years older than her/him.
> 
> But a grown man and a 17 year old? He has issues. She sees the money, he sees the p*ssy, but....it's just gross.


I think the main reason for this was to allow guys like me, that are 20 ish, that see a cute junior in high school at work or taking classes at the local community college, to date, without going to jail. 
Because if the age of consent was 18, I could be spending the night in jail. And I'm to pretty for jail. lol.

But I don't think the law was designed to protect grown men that go after teenagers. 

Sadly, we have two victims. The girl is probably to young to realize what she is doing. She'll realize when she is probably older and sees she has thrown away some prime years of her life on a dirt bag. 
And sadly our op. 

Just sounds sick to me...who the hell does this? 
They shouldn't be allowed to pass on their genes.


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## ultravixen333 (Oct 27, 2012)

It is in no way your fault, my guess is the flattery of a young girl attracted to him was a thrill.

I myself have been previously deceived like this, at the time he was 34, I was 32, and not to be bigheaded, but im attractive. I was cheated on by him with a 40 year old, and all malice aside that she split me and my partner up, she was in no way a patch on me.

Im guessing they must have had some type of sexual contact as well.

Stay strong x


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## jim123 (Sep 29, 2012)

She will be cheating on him in about 3 years. You will laugh last.


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## uhaul4mybaggage (Jul 20, 2010)

Make sure he pays you child support.


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## Honeystly (Mar 1, 2012)

jim123, you know what's funny is I don't know that she will... She is obsessed. I suppose that eventually her up-arseness will get to him and suffocate him. Before it does, however, I do sincerely hope that they will fight the way I always wanted to, but never did... As an adult, I always restrained myself from an all-out mad brawl. But she's young. He hates confrontations. I hope she gives him hell, then he runs for the hills and they both get what they deserve. I don't necessarily wish him a miserable life. I do wish him misery with her though. Until he finds a WOMAN who is decent, I hope she rips him a new one...


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Honeystly said:


> jim123, you know what's funny is I don't know that she will... She is obsessed. I suppose that eventually her up-arseness will get to him and suffocate him. Before it does, however, I do sincerely hope that they will fight the way I always wanted to, but never did... As an adult, I always restrained myself from an all-out mad brawl. But she's young. He hates confrontations. I hope she gives him hell, then he runs for the hills and they both get what they deserve. I don't necessarily wish him a miserable life. I do wish him misery with her though. Until he finds a WOMAN who is decent, I hope she rips him a new one...


But he found a woman who is decent. And look what he did to her! (That's you, btw!)


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