# What should I do ?



## Emma24 (Mar 25, 2015)

My husband left me last month because of my ex's return in our lives.
I did try to make one last attempt to reconcile with him but he made it clear that I should go back to my ex and there is no future for us. He even said he does not love me and is not interested in our marriage . Especially after the photos and the loss of our child.

My ex destroyed my marriage. We had a fight regarding his intentions and he said he liked me since ages and wanted me back any how. He had found out from his friends that I was married and he could not tolerate it and he resolved to break it . Thus he plotted the whole photos thing.

I cried a lot and accused him of being horrid to me but that time he was being supportive. 
I always had feelings for him so I gave in to his wishes of wanting a relationship right away.

I am not sure if I am doing right . I am completely confused. He has been caring and attentive to me. Like before, he is obsessed with having sex with me and he wont let me go away from him. 

I dont know if this is wrong or right . I am completely lost and feel out of place.

My mother says I shouldnt be in a relationship with him as he ruined my marriage but my sister says he loves me so thats all she cares about 

I have no clue at all.


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## naiveonedave (Jan 9, 2014)

Just curious why you would want to be in a relationship w someone who torched your M?

Did you cheat for real on your ex H


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Oh puh-leeze....

This, again?


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## Ol'Pal (Aug 24, 2015)

naiveonedave said:


> Just curious why you would want to be in a relationship w someone who torched your M?
> 
> Did you cheat for real on your ex H


x2.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

Sadly Emma i think you had a hand in destroying your marriage as well...and if i read this right the real victim is not you but your soon to be husband. if you really wanted your marriage to survive you would have done something about it....i place some of this blame on you and you should own that.


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## NoChoice (Feb 12, 2012)

Xenote said:


> Sadly Emma i think you had a hand in destroying your marriage as well...and if i read this right the real victim is not you but your soon to be husband. if you really wanted your marriage to survive you would have done something about it....i place some of this blame on you and you should own that.


Much more than a hand I fear. Many organs were involved, the least of which being the brain.

OP,
It is clear that you are somewhat torn and that speaks volumes as to how much you actually care for your H. He is right to let you go since, in reality, he never really had you. You are feeling guilt for your H and lust for your ex. You apparently settled for him when your "true love" copulated with you for a week and then left. So, your H, loving you and thinking you loved him as well, proposed marriage and you accepted.

If only you had indicated that if your ex ever returned you would drop H like so much used garbage perhaps he would not have married you. Actually, I fail to see the problem here. Your H said to go back to ex, which is what you wanted to hear and now you and ex are enjoying one another to your hearts content. What exactly is the problem?

You indicated that you tried to R but your H would not hear of it. Did you mention to your H how you "melt" when ex just looks at you? That would tend to lessen any thoughts I would have of reuniting with you in matrimony. He could no doubt see it in your eyes and hear it in your words.

So, again, what is the problem? Ex got what he wanted, you and you got what you wanted, ex, so wherein lies the problem? The only one with a problem is the guy who committed to love and cherish you and that is his problem, not yours. I am not necessarily a believer in karma or the like but if there were any justice in the universe then your ex would have an ex and you would get to feel exactly what your H is feeling when you got some photos in the mail from her.


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

Emma the world is made of different people looking for different things. On paper your ex sounds like a selfish and manipulative control freak to me but maybe that's what you need in a man. I remember your other post and as soon as this guy started showing you some attention you were out the door behind your husbands back. Maybe when a man wants you to the point of obsession is the only way you can feel good about yourself. That's a character flaw by the way. 

I give the relationship with your ex a couple months at most before it implodes, keep us posted.


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## SadandAngry (Aug 24, 2012)

You should double up on birth control for the next few decades, until you grow up.


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

You had an intense 1 week of sexual debauchery with POSOM.


He then left you and went on his way.


You on the other hand have never stopped fantasising about him.


You married your husband anyway but didn't tell him about this particular encounter.


Your POSOM wants to have the freedom to bang you whenever he wants so he throws a wrench into your marriage works and sends your husband pictures of you and POSOM kissing.


Your husband has probably never been 100% sure about your commitment to the marriage and knows that you carry a torch for someone else. He then sees these pictures and throws you to the kerb.


Instead of protecting yourself against further attack from this POS, you decide to get back together with him because of his dreamy eyes and God knows what else.


And you come here and ask what you need to do …. hmmm, lets see.


First of all, come up with or get some help in coming up with a plan to completely destroy this POS - exposing his ways, making every one know what kind of [email protected] he is etc etc. and making sure he leaves you alone and never comes back.


Next, go to your husband and apologise for your behaviour (and mean it).


Finally, start working on yourself to make yourself a better person - you will get (and have already got) lots of advice on how in this forum.


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## Roselyn (Sep 19, 2010)

"Booty Call" - that's what you are to your ex. You lost a husband because your ex wants you again? You opened the front door to your ex while also opening your back door to push your husband out. You did not work on your marriage like what you've been advised by many TAM posters. Instead, you talked and ran to your ex. Your husband has more sense than any of you (you and your sister specifically). Your husband deserves a better life and a better wife.


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## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

happy as a clam said:


> Oh puh-leeze....
> 
> This, again?


Happy, I was wondering what happened to Emma. Now we, know.

Emma, I have to agree with what everyone has been telling you. We have all seen this happening. Now, you have what you wanted all along. There is no need to feel guilty, or lost and confused. You wanted this. You are already sleeping with the OM. What did you think you life was going to be like.

Your husband did the best thing for himself. He left you because he knew that you wanted to be with this guy. Well, you know the saying, you have made your bed etc.

There is nothing to be confused about. Your husband is gone. He is not going to want you anymore. Your marriage is over. You are now in an affair with this man. What is not right about this? No more dizziness, heart palpitations and hypnotic eyes? This is what you have been dreaming about. 

I say good for your husband. He is a smart man.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Emma24 said:


> My husband left me last month because of my ex's return in our lives.
> I did try to make one last attempt to reconcile with him but he made it clear that I should go back to my ex and there is no future for us. He even said he does not love me and is not interested in our marriage . Especially after the photos and the loss of our child.
> 
> My ex destroyed my marriage. We had a fight regarding his intentions and he said he liked me since ages and wanted me back any how. He had found out from his friends that I was married and he could not tolerate it and he resolved to break it . Thus he plotted the whole photos thing.
> ...


Listen to your mother.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

"Emma"...

I notice you have not been back to check your "newest" thread yet after more than 48 hours.

What's up? College midterms? Fall Break?

Please, do tell.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Gonecrazy (Oct 12, 2014)

Emma,
It truly is a wonderful thing to have someone want you so badly. Everyone can relate to that. The issue here is the motive. Read carefully* THIS MAN DOES NOT RESPECT YOU!*

He takes what he wants. If he respected you, he would have contacted you and told you how he felt. Asked if you were in a serious relationship, and would leave you alone if he though you were. Right now he wants something that you want. What do you think he is going to do when he wants something that you don't want. Do you think he will respect you?? I think he will stop at nothing to get what he wants regardless of what or who is in his way. 

Please remember, he had someone take the photos of you two kissing when he was dumping you. Do you think he had a crystal ball telling him that he was going to want to be with you forever in a couple of years? This was premeditated. You seem to be forgetting that. Also, the way you talk, its as though you have no say in the matter. Your free to do what you want know, climb on top, have some fun. He cost you your marriage, you might as well capitalize on the situation. Just don't be shocked when he gets another overseas job opportunity.

I have a feeling you will be back. See you in a couple of months Emma.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Emma24 said:


> He had found out from his friends that I was married and he could not tolerate it and he resolved to break it . Thus he plotted the whole photos thing.
> 
> he is obsessed with having sex with me and he wont let me go away from him.
> 
> I dont know if this is wrong or right . I am completely lost and


Emma, come on.

We've been over this all before.

We've TOLD you to stay away from this man, that he will destroy you.

What is it about you that you just can't survive a whole day without having a man 'claim' you?

Therapy?


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## Muse1976 (Apr 25, 2015)

happy as a clam said:


> Oh puh-leeze....
> 
> This, again?



This X 1000.

So many posters seen this coming. Hell, the husband seen it coming to. Her last thread was (this far away) from the CWI section. Good for the husband for beating the buzzer. Go back and look at the time line of her threads. Plenty of questions that have yet to be answered. Sure does smell of a herd of elephants in the room. 

Controlling? Pshaw! Lol. 


Op, you should be happy. You got exactly what you wanted. Please leave your 
husband alone, you are both better off this way!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

There is just something that really bothers me about someone faithful and true, who trusted & was willing to give his or her all.. continuing to cling to someone who MELTS for someone else.. that's heartbreaking...

So happy to hear husband didn't beg & plead but respected himself enough to cut ties, grieve the loss and move on... HE deserves the devotion he wants to give to another... I hope he finds a woman who will look at him THAT way...


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## mmcm3333 (Sep 12, 2015)

I was with a man for about 2 years. We were really in love, but he had major issues with committing to marriage and I eventually just moved on and moved away (another state). We did get back together for couple more years, actually got engaged for a year, but nothing had changed, so I broke it off for good (and spent a solid year ignoring his letters, phone calls because even though I loved him, I knew he hadn't changed and I was choosing to be realistic). A couple years later, we reconnected for a short period of time (not in person, over the phone, just as friends). We drifted apart again, but reconnected again about 6 months before I got married. Throughout the 12+ years (including time we dated, were friends, were apart), I always loved him. In the back of my mind, I always felt like we'd wind up together...but every attempt, even at friendship, I realized he would never be enough for me. He'd had enough chances, but never came through. When I told him I was getting married, he sent me this long letter begging me not to do it. He still loved me and said he always thought we'd be together. I was torn for about 10 minutes. If this guy really expected we'd be together, why hadn't he shown me this in all the time he had the opportunity? I was touched, felt sad that I had to finally let go, but knew my choice was the best.

Fast forward 5 years. We reconnected over Facebook. I was vulnerable- my husband and I are having problems. I honestly never felt as in love with my husband as I did with this guy at least in my memory (I was 24 when I started dating this guy- love was more passionate than realistic back then, your definition of love can change as you get more mature/older/wiser). This guy told me that he's had problems dating (he'd never married, never had a major relationship since me) and still missed me, recognized how stupid he was in terms of his behavior and responsibilities with our relationship. At first, it made me feel good- hell, he finally figured it out and I felt justified and he still wants me- but then, as we emailed a few times, I started seeing him in a different light. This guy, who is 6 years older than me, was still the same. He was still making juvenile choices. Granted, maybe if he'd recognized his problems much earlier, we could have made a life together, but as it stands, I made the right choices. I was grateful that I was smart enough not to give in to some romantic fantasy and ignore the real issues. 

The point of this story is that I could easily have called off my wedding for this guy or broken up my marriage, but I didn't because I already knew the outcome- and it would have been stupid. My relationship with my husband was real- I would not end it just because of some stupid fantasy of things in the past that would never be reality. I told my future-husband about the letter. I told my husband about the emails. He's not comfortable, but I've made sure he knows I have absolutely no intentions of anything with this guy. I disclose everything so he doesn't worry or wonder- and that's what you do when your married. You don't play games.

I'm not sure about your whole story- you're leaving a lot out. But if an ex 'broke up' your marriage, my guess is you had a big hand in this. Pictures don't break up a marriage- unless they're pictures taken together while you're married. Don't use loss of a child as an excuse. We've had lots of miscarriages- that tests a marriage, but doesn't break it up unless you're already inclined to do so and looking for an excuse. 

I'm shaking my head at your post and decisions. You villainize your ex as the guy that broke up your marriage (over pictures??)- as if you had no control. But you're now with him? It was a good decision on your husband's part to walk. You let some other guy from your past come in and destroy your commitment with your husband. Clearly, you were not interested in the marriage. If my ex started sending pictures of us in our past, I could easily have shut that down and not let my husband worry about it. When my ex started talking about things we did in the past, I didn't engage and I told my husband and then reacted by stopping communication. You apparently didn't do this. So, you chose your ex over your husband and he was smart to leave.

And now you're in a controlling relationship that isn't what you want (and I'm guessing it's not satisfying). This is all because of your choice. You can stop this anytime you want. It's time to grow up and make hard decisions. For God's sake, wake up. You destroyed a marriage over this and you're asking if it's wrong or right? That should have been a question before you acted. And any guy that will resort to these tactics to break up a marriage is not someone I'd be with- it shows they have no boundaries, no respect. And you have no clue? Yes, you do- you're not a victim in this, you know what you're doing and you've let this happen. Don't blame your ex and then don't ask for sympathy when you're now not happy with what you did.


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