# Potential emotional affair or something



## Guest (May 31, 2019)

So we've been married 26 years..other half has had numerous affairs and as i stated in my newbie post leaving him earlier would have left me nothing but a legal bill and no roof over my head. I am no longer in a bad financial position. 

Anyway, I do believe the affairs died back for quite a while but we still had issues. Hubby has anger management issues... doesn't hit me but has bad temper tantrums and throws things mostly due to a short fuse. That has improved primarily due to his dad's intervention. 

A couple years ago a new "family" moved into our neighborhood. A couple which had previous kids from previous marriages. My hubby likes to meet people and introduced himself ...i dont really know what to truly make of the rest of this..it could be innocent but i feel there is a undercurrent of something else going on or the potential for something to happen. 

The so called "woman"...i usually reference her as something more derogatory... Is in her early 30's, this is her 3rd marriage, at least 4 kids from other marriages...one marriage only lasted a few weeks.....thru the grapevine i find out she is causing quite a stir among the men in the neighborhood...shes got a truck driver poddy mouth that would make anybody blush and admits she has more luck being friends with men than women(go figure) and she has no idea why...well my so called other half being the outgoing person he is, introduces himself...to both her and her hubby(to be fair)...well last year she kept coming over to see my hubby when he got home from work...I'd always find her in my driveway when i got home from work..her rep at that point thru the grapevine is that she's loose...she stays home with the kids and does not work she loves talking to men.

I told my hubby i dont want her around and i will tell her off if he doesnt. I never did cuz i'd probably get in a fight with her...i avoided her like the plague cuz i dislike her so much...still told hubby i dont like her here i dont like him going over there. My hubby really likes her little girl who is 3-4 yo...he loves kids.

She stops coming over after work but still will saunter over to visit kevin with her hubby and the kid on the weekend. She proclaimed at an outside party we had last summer, really, really loud, that her husband was gonna get a blow j** from her for sure that night! My other neighbors said wow what a sl** to say a thing like that. Then at 4th of July she came over to my friend and neighbors place uninvited..no hubby, but w/ a gaggle of kids...older and younger in tow chatting up all the men again...no women, just men. Again my hubby was having a great time talking to her. Ok I know how this sounds...its just talk right? Whats the harm?...problem is he goes over there when I'm not home...

I get home and find him over there numerous times. I've told him I am not comfortable with this "friendship" he has with her. Sometimes her hubby is there when he visits sometimes not. He turns up his music in the garage to make me think he's out there working on something only to find out he's over by her again. Sometimes i dont know which neighbor he might be visiting when he's not in the garage...i dont have a problem with him visiting anyone else...I've suspected he comes back from visiting her he takes a different way back to make it look like he was at someone else's ...I cannot say it is true for sure. Saturday I come home from being out for quite some time...hes not in the garage...i get the dogs outside and see him over at her place again in the back yard...i suspect he came back by a different route because i didnt see him come back the normal route from her house...thats why i suspect he thinks he's being sneaky. My heart sank when I saw him over there. I had to go back out for a couple things and i felt all the old emotion coming back again. I was in tears again. I'm so hurt and so furious I cant talk to him...and havent since Saturday...pretty sure he knows what its about and he's had a tantrum and thrown a baby gate down the basement stairs cuz it was in his way. So no i havent talked to him about this because I've asked him so many times to not be friends with her that I'm not comfotable with it. 

I figure i don't want to waste my breath and it won't do any good anyway. I cant keep telling him don't do this and expect him to stop cuz I've already told him that and he hasn't stopped. I dont have issues with him being friends with anybody else...just this sl**. I am trying to figure out what to do. I can leave but not sure if i am making more of this than i should and not sure if I am just not over his previous affairs and projecting those issues onto this. My neighbor friend does not think there is anything going on but doesn't like the situation either. My "hubby" is a player...I wonder if he's just hangin around waiting for the right opportunity for himself w/ her....possibly if her marriage gets rocky he can be ready and available(?). I know I might be a headcase here but I don't know if I am creating my own issue or if this is something else. I don't see any signs of him primping and he sure doesn't shower as often as he should to begin with....I cant imagine anyone wanting a dirty stinky man as i think he showers only 2-3x's a week...he prefers just to wash from the sink.....

I dont want to make a mistake on a decision as what to do. I know I need to establish boundries but I don't know what/how to establish them...what would be the right ones. Ive figured over the years he is probably Narcissistic or has those tendencies...thanks to a narcissistic overbearing mother....shes a whole nother story...Anybody with any thoughts? Alsp whenever we do "talk" its alwaus me doing the talking, he rarely adds anything...sometimes I find it easier to text...seems like he is a bit more open then. But how much talking can you do when it doesnt make a difference?? He just wants everything to go back to normal...Ive had enough of that. 

We cant have adult conversations because he starts yelling and putting his spins on things. I do get loud too and smartmouthed...I catch myself wanting to throw insults at him i know its not constuctive...i know i have issues too...i know I can only try and control myself but dont want to take this crap and lack of respect.


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## faithfulman (Jun 4, 2018)

Your husband is a serial cheater and he will cheat again.

Maybe this homewrecker-type woman will be the next one he cheats with, she's a pretty good bet, but maybe it will be with someone else.

What is it that keeps you with this man? He obviously has no respect for you.

As far as this specific situation, all you can really do is snoop to see if something has already happened with them, tell him to stop what he is doing even if he hasn't crossed the line yet, tell her to back the **** off, and let him know that if anything goes down with her their will be consequences, as in divorce.

However, I am sorry to say that I don't think you are there yet, and I think he will continue to treat you as you have already allowed him to.

I hope I am wrong.

Good luck JustaMinion.


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## moulinyx (May 30, 2019)

I know I am giving toxic advise, but if you really want to know how often he is at her house you can always look at the frequent location settings on his phone (if you have an iphone). If he has clearly been sneaking over and lying to you, I think its pretty obvious your marriage is a joke to him and he doesn't respect you. Id look if I were you just to rip the bandaid off and see what his little ass has been getting into/see if he is telling you the truth. 

Id be less inclined to thinking something is going on if he is very blatant about being over there. Cheaters would try to hide the relationship completely as a part of the thrill.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

If I were like your husband my wife would have left me a long long long time ago.


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## nekonamida (Feb 21, 2017)

How are you so sure that he isn't already in a PA with her? He and she both have a long history of it.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Next time she is on your property whatever your husnband or family is doing with her, just say "Nice to see you. I won't be keeping you" and let your body language tell her it's time to go.

I learned from my first marriage that men do not listen to talk. /you will sound like the grown ups on Peanuts. But they do listen to behavior. If your husband doesn't like your behavior, let him file / ask for a divorce.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

You stated you are in a stable financial position now... dump the serial cheater and go have the life you should have given to yourself all those years ago. Stop wasting more time on this POS.


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

While you are wringing your hands and telling him you are 'not comfortable' with his behavior, he's in an affair with her. All the men in the neighborhood are sniffing around her like dogs and your WH is no exception. Because he's a serial cheater, he has the balls to actually pursue her - most of the other men are noticing her, but won't follow through.

I think you're in denial re how far this has gone. Sorry, just my .02.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

There is an incredibly easy answer to this, to your horrible situation.

Allow him to disrespect you or you divorce him.

Since he will not change, you must.

It is all on you now, not on your husband.

He is what he is, what you are not.

.......................................................................

Oh, I guess these things need to be asked....

1) Have you ever been unfaithful to him?

2) Something is keeping you from dumping him.
What is it?





[THM]- Lilith


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## Guest (May 31, 2019)

No I have never been unfaithfull I will not stoop so low, my integrity not his.
I have stayed because of money...the other affairs I know of were when the recession was breaking and we had a brand new house and I was making $11/hr....no equity...and a lot of debt...
Now I have a better job with company car benefits (still have to pay but its a great program) my only hold up now, finacially, is my very low balance retirement funds...BUT I know i am entitled to half his pension and he has an annuity thru his employer I'm not sure if I am entitled to any of that. I saw a lawyer years ago and learned there maybe alimoney based on the length of the marriage as well...I earn half as much as he and our house is half paid for now.
Also I would have to move in w/ my aging parents who live in a 55+ community and i am not quite that age yet. Not sure i like that idea but I am still trying to figure it out. Months ago I opened my own accounts and started saving money...hubby is NOT a saver. So I have a bit of mad money. Then plan was to rake some funds from him, pay down the debt, grow the equity until I could get to a better position....and I was hoping we could work some things out and it wouldn't come to this.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Thank you for clearing the air.

This works....

It makes sense to us.

We wish you the best.





[THM]- The HeadMates


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## Guest (May 31, 2019)

Does anyone know if I am entitled to his annuity thru his employer? I know I need to see a lawyer about my options...I have time off coming to me but I was curious if anyone knew.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

Definitely get with a lawyer to find out all your options for your state. See a few different ones (especially the sharks) -- he won't be able to use them if you have consulted with them first.
GREAT that you have separated your finances to a degree.
VERY sorry that you are going through this.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

JustaMinion said:


> Does anyone know if I am entitled to his annuity thru his employer? I know I need to see a lawyer about my options...I have time off coming to me but I was curious if anyone knew.


Only a lawyer could answer this for where you live. 

You could also look up your states divorce laws and find out.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

SunCMars said:


> There is an incredibly easy answer to this, to your horrible situation.
> 
> Allow him to disrespect you or you divorce him.
> 
> ...


:iagree:


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