# Should I just become a monk?



## lastinline (Jul 21, 2009)

I know I don't belong in this section ladies. My life is currently somewhere between crazy and capsized, but when all of this madness passes; does a decent looking 40 y/o professional man with 6 kids have a chance at ever having another serious relationship with someone who isn't terminally damaged? 

I guess what I am asking is whether or not 6 kids just too much for a potential mate to wrap themselves around? My thought was that I'd never be divorced, so until the last few years when things really begin to fall apart, I'd never even given it thought. Now I'm giving it thought, and I'm starting to wonder how far it is to the nearest monastery.

LIL


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## Carefulthoughts (Jan 21, 2010)

Have some faith man. If you can provide for 6 kids and pay bills you will be fine. There are woman who want big families but can't have kids themselves. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other and REMEMBER to breathe. And yes I am sneaking in this section also.


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

lastinline said:


> does a decent looking 40 y/o professional man with 6 kids have a chance at ever having another serious relationship with someone who isn't terminally damaged?


a few years before i met my H i had a friend that just got divorced from a nut case. he had five or six kids, and was in his mid-forties. he was a nice guy, in good shape, and liked to have a good time. we hung out a lot and we're friends with benefits. i was in my early twenties. i always hoped his ex wife would find out just to spite her for being so mean to him. He's married again and really enjoying his life.


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## sunrisehope (Mar 6, 2010)

Have some faith and keep trying better yourself each day! Life will get better...


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

Haha, LIL. I don't see that happening!

And I'm glad to see you thinking (even if a bit negatively) about the possibility of a relationship in the future! Good for you.


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## dantanph (Feb 7, 2010)

Come on, you are just 40. So, what if you have six kids. If the person you will meet down the road is someone who would see you for the person that you are, I don't think it would matter. Really!

Question for you.

Are you still looking forward to having more kids? I asked this because the person who might have interest in you might want to have a family, kids, all. I guess just things to consider.

However, if you are after companionship, I bet there are women out there who would want the same thing and would accept you for what you are. I know this because I have friends into these kinds of relationship right now. My friends are in their late 20s/early 30s and are now with men in their 40s and 50s.

There is still hope!


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## lastinline (Jul 21, 2009)

dantanph, I appreciate your kind words. First, to answer your question, I have no desire to have any more children. I love the six I already have very much, and they will need me now more than ever. I have to put them first.

As for companionship, that is by far the "stickier" issue. I am not looking to "hook up" with anyone. I am most certainly not looking for "another" someone who would be dependent on me.

I guess what I'll eventually want is a professional type woman to have a relationship with. One that like me, will always have two books open on her nightstand, and another three on her desk. One that likes to get up early to run in the darkness and behold the joy of running back into the arms of a welcoming sunrise. 

Someone who has a career that is rewarding, both personally and financially. Someone who doesn't like tv. Someone who would be willing to scuba dive, and wouldn't reneg on promisses to learn how to kick box after I went to a month of classes for swing dancing.

I guess I could go on, but I don't want this to sound like a personal add, or that song "If you like Pina Colladas". I guess what I am looking for more than anything, is just simple reassurance that when the time is right and all of my scars have healed that I'll be able to love again. However, I realize that no one other than me can possibly have the answer to that question, so I guess thank you dantanph for just listening. 

LIL


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## scarletblue (May 20, 2009)

You are in the unique position now of finding someone who truely loves you for who you are. I was in my mid thirties with 4 children when I got divorced. Talk about baggage! I had it all! Not to mention an ex husband whom I had to get a restraining order against. It's not about finding someone without baggage, it's about finding someone who will help you carry yours, and visa versa. 

There are wonderful people out there in this world. I think love finds you when you're not looking for it.


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

the brady bunch, the brady bunch, thats how we became the brady bunch


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## momof6girls (Jan 11, 2010)

just wanted to chim in... i am a mother of 6 and i can feel you i really can. even with out any children the people on the market well seem to be in 3 sections... 1) hurt and scorned and looking to hit and run or are so un trusting they hurt before they get hurt and in the end don't even let a relationship start 2) never been in a descent relationship due to either there a nut or have set ways they will not settle or move so the end up alone 3) the ones that are ready to jump after the 1st date and are all good and loving and love the kids until one day the explode / or you can't handle it to much to fast... 

right...

well depending on the age of your children i am 42 (almost) and mine range 19 (almost) to 12 and i have some freedom and seeing your around the same age well i am sure dating is not out of the possiblities.. there are good ones out there and will be ok with your kids (maybe not all the time then again you have that to and you know them-mine are that way anyways)

go into a date with your eyes open watching but also a little giving that love at 1st site well not always happens but still love in the end... but go out with the even if not a great date it will be a good night... and things will line up when it is the right person but remembeer if you stop looking then unless she is really looking you will not find her.


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## Atholk (Jul 25, 2009)

Stop sending these negative messages out. Just hang out a sign saying "open for business (but you can only date three women)"


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

lastinline said:


> dantanph, I appreciate your kind words. First, to answer your question, I have no desire to have any more children. I love the six I already have very much, and they will need me now more than ever. I have to put them first.
> 
> As for companionship, that is by far the "stickier" issue. I am not looking to "hook up" with anyone. I am most certainly not looking for "another" someone who would be dependent on me.
> 
> ...


You just wrote your profile for Match or PlentyofFish.

If you are capable of loving once, you are capable of loving again. Whether or not you _choose_ to, is another matter.

And as both Altholk and Tina Turner said: "What's Love Got To Do With It?"

Don't date with the intention of falling in love. Date so that you will know love when it comes along. It's simply a matter of socializing and re-learning the rules of engagement and conversation.


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## lastinline (Jul 21, 2009)

You're right Deejo, I know I am capable of loving again. What an upbeat thought to go to sleep on. 

LIL


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## crisis1008 (Mar 9, 2010)

LIL,

NO! You should not become a monk, unless of course it is your life's calling. 

You have much to offer. Some of my story might help you gain a more positive aspect on finding someone in the future. I met my husband when I was just 19, and he was 36. He already had two daughters from two different mothers. They were 4 and 14 at the time we met. My love for him, gave me the strength to rid of my fear of being a step-mother. I became insta-mom of a toddler and a teenager at 19 years old. I fell in love with his daughters immediately. They became my own. I was not just a step-mom to them. I was their mom, as my husband had full custody of both of them, and neither of their mothers came around very often until about a year after my husband and I married. The only reason I left was because I was severely mistreated for many years by my husband.

I guess what I am trying to say is, there are women out there who are willing to take the challenge... women who want a family... women who want a big family, too. Just, make sure your big family is disclosed in the very beginning of your courtships. Anyone would deserve the opportunity to refuse the challenge immediately before any hearts may be broken. You do have a lot of hearts to consider when making decisions in the dating world. 

Don't worry. If a woman bails after learning of your large family, you can bet she is not the one for you. You can also bet that you will meet a beautiful, kind woman who will stick around. 

However, when you do finally meet this woman, just make sure you help ease her into your large family. Taking on someone else's ready-made family can be overwhelming at times.

You'll be fine. I promise.


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

LIL,

Your creative thread titles always catch my attention!

I have to say I had the same thoughts when my first marriage ended (I have 3 kids)...On the one hand, kids are a deal-breaker issue for some...if you meet someone who wants to have children some day and you don't (which was my position, I was done having kids of my own but was fine meeting a man with kids)...so as long as they know up front that you have six, some may run and others may have no issue with it.

I dated 2 guys that had full custody of 4 kids...which I guess those odds are pretty unlikely, but the brady bunch song did come to mind! So part of it will be to decide whether you would date someone with children of their own? That may narrow down options but in the end it wasn't kids or no kids but meeting someone that I felt 'this could be the one'


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

'Course those Trappist monks do make some fine jellies and jams ...


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## lastinline (Jul 21, 2009)

Dang, jelly makes my fingers sticky. I was really thinking more along the lines of "Grasshopper" and "snatch the pebbles from my hand". Trust me Deejo, the last place you'd want me to be is in a kitchen.

LIL


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Well ... the wander the Earth and have adventures kind of monk sounds pretty cool too.


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## Mo Simpson (Jun 3, 2009)

Of course you can still strut your stuff with the ladies! 

Decide what you want, decide how you're going to make it happen and then go do it!


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