# Hi



## 342853 (Mar 11, 2020)

Hi everyone. Im james .been married 14 years have 3 children. Struggling with life have thought about leaving a few times but i dont want to upset the kids or for them to resent me. They know how much i do and how little the wife does. 
Sex life is rubbish. Feel free to message me


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Hi, welcome to TAM.

How old are your children?

While I understand your not wanting to upset your children, it's also not good for them to witness a bad marriage that goes on for years. You are teaching them that this is what marriage is and they have little to look forward to.

If you divorce, then you would have the to yourself about half of the time. You could spend a lot of quality time with them and show them that a person does not have to be stuck in a bad situation.

what sorts of things do you do with your children?


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## 342853 (Mar 11, 2020)

They are 14. 11 and 9. Wherever they need to to or be its always down to me as the wife tells me she doesnt like driving but never helps me out with them. 
So i drive them to clubs outside of school but if one of her family wants to go somewhere she will offer to drive no matter how far it is even if she hasnt been there before and doesnt know where she going. But she never tells them no. As im disabled she is meant to care for me but i end up doing most of the running around which makes me hurt and tire more but i know im doing it for thr kids 

I know its not healthy for the kids to see me like this but they know what i do for them and they can see how the wife treats me. I have thought about keaving a few times but as i said i dont want things to turn sour between me and the kids and i dont know how to leave as i dont want to just walk out on them. 

I have tried talking to the wife before about how i feel but she never listens to me. Blames everything on me. Nothinng has ever changed things are just getting worse and i dont know what to do for the best.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Could you get into individual counseling so that you have someone who can help you figure this out? 

Does your wife have a job? 
Are you on some sort of disability so that you have some income of your own?

I'm asking about income because that info can help with figuring out some things that can help you.

What is your social life like? Do you have friends and/or extended family that you do things with?


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## 342853 (Mar 11, 2020)

Im low on money not enough for concelling Benefits are in my name. Only have one friend as all the rest deserted me when i got married. Rarely go out tho as im always busy with the kids


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

Hey James, sorry that you are here for these reasons.

Can you explain more WHY your marriage is on the rocks? Issues? How old are the kids?, etc.
There are lots of people who can help.

Sorry -- posted THEN I saw your follow ons.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Jamesjones10123 said:


> Im low on money not enough for concelling Benefits are in my name. Only have one friend as all the rest deserted me when i got married. Rarely go out tho as im always busy with the kids


Your kids are old enough to be in school so you would have some time during the week to yourself, right? 

It's not unusual for friends from when we were single to drop out of sight after marriage. One thing you could do is to make some new friends. The more you do things away from your wife and establish sort of a life away from her the better it will be for you and even for you children. Take a look at the website meetup.com There are all sorts of meetups on there. It's not a dating site. It's a site to find things to do in your area. It's a very good way to meet people who have similar interests. Plus most of the meetups are free. you might be able to find meetups you can even take your children to. They could play with other children there and you can make new friends.

I'm suggesting this because the first thing to do in fixing a marriage is to work on ourselves. You need some positive things in your life, at least it sounds like you do.


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## 342853 (Mar 11, 2020)

Yes kids are in school. But as she my carer shes with me 24/7 and im in a wheelchair so i find attending groups isnt always easy. And im quite shy and suffer from anxiety when it comes to meeting people in person and never attend any groups before due to this


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Jamesjones10123 said:


> Yes kids are in school. But as she my carer shes with me 24/7 and im in a wheelchair so i find attending groups isnt always easy. And im quite shy and suffer from anxiety when it comes to meeting people in person and never attend any groups before due to this


You said that you are the person who takes your kids everywhere, like to their activities. So clearly you are able to get out.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Hi @Jamesjones10123 in which country do you live? 

I don't need the exact details but a rough idea (such as Ireland, Australia, UK, Canada, USA, etc) would help me to help you as I have access to resources detailing low cost or even free counselling services in those countries and others around the world.

There are also specific services available to people with certain disabilities so if you tell me what health condition you have that has disabled you, I might have information there, also.


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## 342853 (Mar 11, 2020)

Im from the uk. 

I can only get out if its taking the kids somewhere or if the wife is with me as she dont let me go out alone and i get questioned abouy my every move.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Then your local medical surgery should be able to help you arrange counselling which will be available on the NHS. Have you tried them?

https://www.bacp.co.uk/ is useful.

This covers counselling in England
https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/counselling/

This covers counselling in Scotland
COSCA - Counselling and Psychotherapy in Scotland 

This covers counselling in Wales
https://www.nhsdirect.wales.nhs.uk/encyclopaedia/c/article/counselling/

The NHS can offer phone or online counselling if required.


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