# Fantasy into reality



## shellconfused (Sep 23, 2011)

My husband and i have a strong relationship. It is fairly normal with kids, house, schools, families, etc etc. We are not weirdos or live an unusaul lifestyle, we are just your normal family next door. I guess we have a normal sex life and have different fantasys that we use and talk about. One of the fantasys we use is stronger than all the others! We have chatted about maybe turning it into reality. It is not something he is pushing its just something we have chatted about. The fantasy is having a guy join us in the bedroom. i know its not the norm, and maybe that is the reason it has some attraction, but it makes me think about the reality of it. I know there are risks with all this and we have to be very careful, but from my point of view i think about it a bit. I know everyone is different in the views about this, but just looking for peoples advice on which way I should go?


----------



## Halien (Feb 20, 2011)

Well, I've been on this site for a few months and I would say the most common issue is that the husband likes the 'fantasy' of another man with his wife, but just not the 'reality'. She is transformed into the adulterous wife in their arguments, and her marriage suffers. Just proceed cautiously, making sure that it isn't just better to keep it as a fantasy.


----------



## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

My wife has a fantasy involving another woman in our bed.

I`ve declined due to the plethora of possible negative ramifications.

It`s nice bedroom fodder but I`m unwilling to risk a good thing for a fantasy.

It could work out fine but I`m not taking the chance.


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Just. Say. No.


----------



## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

"It seemed like a good idea at the time..."


----------



## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> Just. Say. No.


:iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree:


----------



## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

This is stuff you do when you're single. Not a good idea in a marriage, unless you're in an open one.

No bueno.


----------



## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Does this stuff happen? Sure it does.
Do some people chalk it up as a positive experience? Sure they do.

But ... here on these boards, overwhelmingly ... the people that relate having taken the step from fantasy to reality, wish they had not.


----------



## mommyoftwo85 (Sep 23, 2011)

I have to agree with everyone about a fantasy is a fun idea to spice things up but sometomes a fantasy can become a reality that you don't won't. Tread careful on the idea and think of the things that can come of this. I would ask my self if this fantasy is a one time thing is it worth risking becoming a nightmare. I am not going to tell you not to live out your fantasy but I would take a very hard long look at the pros and cons before making that choice.


----------



## rikithemonk (Jun 8, 2011)

shellconfused said:


> My husband and i have a strong relationship. It is fairly normal with kids, house, schools, families, etc etc. We are not weirdos or live an unusaul lifestyle, we are just your normal family next door. I guess we have a normal sex life and have different fantasys that we use and talk about. One of the fantasys we use is stronger than all the others! We have chatted about maybe turning it into reality. It is not something he is pushing its just something we have chatted about. The fantasy is having a guy join us in the bedroom. i know its not the norm, and maybe that is the reason it has some attraction, but it makes me think about the reality of it. I know there are risks with all this and we have to be very careful, but from my point of view i think about it a bit. I know everyone is different in the views about this, but just looking for peoples advice on which way I should go?


I'm making popcorn for this thread. LOL. A few of the people on this board have to be the most sexually narrow minded, that I have ever had the fortune to meet. It wouldnt surprise me if they hid in the bathroom praying for forgiveness everytime they had sex. Sex in the missionary position with the lights off too, if im any judge. So this threads going to be fuuuun :smthumbup:


OK, Here is the opinion of an evil swinger. If you intend to do this, you have to set ground rules. Rules that you absolutely have to obey with zero exceptions. The purpose of these rules is two fold. First it forces you to talk, and in talking, you discover what things would make you both uncomfortable. For instance your husband might not mind you having sex, but watching you passionately kissing another man may be over his comfort zone. So perhaps one rule might be no deep kissing. Perhaps you may feel that certain sexual acts would be strictly between you and your spouse and would be off limits to an outsider. The second thing the rules do is provide some basis to gauge trust.

Another consideration is personality types and open mindedness. You know how jealous you are and how jealous your spouse is. You know how open minded or closed you and he are. Be sure you have the personalities to deal with the morning after. 

Finally pick the other person or couple carefully. If you see them every day, things could get awkward. 


Some rule suggestions.

No playing without the spouse present
No deep kissing
Must stay in earshot of each other in case things go bad.
If anyone says its time to go, we leave instantly.


----------



## lht285 (Aug 25, 2011)

Once you proceed with the fantasy and make it reality, can you go back to the old way? Your fantasy is not an unusual one, there are plenty of erotic books out there about mfm threesomes. The question is once you open the door to this, are you going to be able to continue your marriage in the same way. There are quite a few swingers out there with long term marriages, and their divorce rate is similar to non swingers. I would actually go to some swinger forums and read about all the pitfalls that can come from this kind of marriage. Both of you should read these together and see if you still feel the same way about it. The main thing that I seem to read from both this forum and swingers forums (I am not a swinger but I am interested in how they handle relationships), is that communication and honesty are essential to a solid marriage. They have similar issues if not stronger issues with cheating than people on the boards here. Good luck!


----------



## rikithemonk (Jun 8, 2011)

lht285 said:


> Once you proceed with the fantasy and make it reality, can you go back to the old way? Your fantasy is not an unusual one, there are plenty of erotic books out there about mfm threesomes. The question is once you open the door to this, are you going to be able to continue your marriage in the same way. There are quite a few swingers out there with long term marriages, and their divorce rate is similar to non swingers. I would actually go to some swinger forums and read about all the pitfalls that can come from this kind of marriage. Both of you should read these together and see if you still feel the same way about it. The main thing that I seem to read from both this forum and swingers forums (I am not a swinger but I am interested in how they handle relationships), is that communication and honesty are essential to a solid marriage. They have similar issues if not stronger issues with cheating than people on the boards here. Good luck!


That's absolutely true about cheating being a massive issue. Me and the wife were swingers for years, before we settled down to our current set up. We've seen couples do fantastic with their relationship and we've seen some absolute titanic relationship wrecks. Not everyone is cut out to be in an open relationship. Just like anything else in the world, it takes the right temperament. 

Bear in mind that just because they decide to have a threesome once, that doesn't mean that they will decide to do it every night. Sometimes once is enough. Just to get the t_Shirt.


----------



## mommyoftwo85 (Sep 23, 2011)

rikithemonk said:


> I'm making popcorn for this thread. LOL. A few of the people on this board have to be the most sexually narrow minded, that I have ever had the fortune to meet. It wouldnt surprise me if they hid in the bathroom praying for forgiveness everytime they had sex. Sex in the missionary position with the lights off too, if im any judge. So this threads going to be fuuuun :smthumbup:
> 
> 
> OK, Here is the opinion of an evil swinger. If you intend to do this, you have to set ground rules. Rules that you absolutely have to obey with zero exceptions. The purpose of these rules is two fold. First it forces you to talk, and in talking, you discover what things would make you both uncomfortable. For instance your husband might not mind you having sex, but watching you passionately kissing another man may be over his comfort zone. So perhaps one rule might be no deep kissing. Perhaps you may feel that certain sexual acts would be strictly between you and your spouse and would be off limits to an outsider. The second thing the rules do is provide some basis to gauge trust.
> ...


I am not narrow minded when it comes to living out your fantasy. If that is what they feel the need to do and can handle any outcome then go ahead. I am just suggesting to the OP to think carefully and take anything that could happen into consideration before making that choice. Fantasy can be a great and wonderful thing to make real if all options and outcomes are weighed out


----------



## PFTGuy (Aug 28, 2011)

My vote is no...me personally, I have a lot of fantasies, but going through with them is a whole other deal. It probably depends on how deep is the trust bond between you and your husband...would it survive a bad experience? The third party is also a human being...don't forget they shouldn't be treated as an object...could be a pretty humiliating experience if it went badly.


----------



## hurtnohio (Jul 17, 2011)

I hope I'm wrong, but the OP sounded like the cheesy beginning of some cheap porn plot. Trolling is not smiled upon in these parts. If I'm wrong (and I often am), I apologize. If this was a sincere question, introducing someone else into your sex life is the worst thing you could ever do. It's basically both of you having an affair at the same time, but one of you is adding the complication of it being a homosexual affair. Don't even go down this road.


----------



## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

You play with fire you get burned----somewhere along the line, it very well could lead to the end of your mge., as you know it

Your H., may have his little fantasy---but I promise you his sub-conscious, will haunt him once he sees another man inside of you

Its your life, and you will do what you will do, but unless you are completely under control, as riki must be when they swing, your mge., will be in for big trouble


----------



## shellconfused (Sep 23, 2011)

Thanks everyone for your advice. Obviously it is something that i have to really think about. From your advice there are lots of risks involved and i wonder whether it is worth the risks. Maybe a better fanatsy than reality. Thankyou


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

jnj express said:


> Your H., may have his little fantasy---but I promise you his sub-conscious, will haunt him once he sees another man inside of you


:iagree:


----------



## shellconfused (Sep 23, 2011)

Hi again, i was wondering if anyone chats in real time on yahoo messenger or on a silimar meduim. This forum is good, but would really like to chat to someone who has experience around this tread to ask questions. As my name indicates, i am very confused about this whole situation. i would like to get it clear in my head about the risks verves the benefits. I know there are other important factors in life and marriage, but this is playing on my mind a bit and really not sure what my husband is thinking and feeling. I know i will get comments back saying just ask him, but sometimes that is easier said than done. I guess i want more information before sitting down to decide with him. Therefore if you would like to chat please indicate and i will send you my yahoo messenger handle?


----------



## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

shellconfused said:


> Hi again, i was wondering if anyone chats in real time on yahoo messenger or on a silimar meduim. This forum is good, but would really like to chat to someone who has experience around this tread to ask questions. As my name indicates, i am very confused about this whole situation. i would like to get it clear in my head about the risks verves the benefits. I know there are other important factors in life and marriage, but *this is playing on my mind a bit and really not sure what my husband is thinking and feeling. I know i will get comments back saying just ask him, but sometimes that is easier said than done*. I guess i want more information before sitting down to decide with him. Therefore if you would like to chat please indicate and i will send you my yahoo messenger handle?


Seriously, if you can't have a discussion about something like this with your husband (the other participant in this fantasy thing) then you have bigger problems than you realize. Until you have the courage to talk with him about what you want to do, then I would shelf the idea indefinitely.


----------



## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Whats wrong with being narrow minded? When it comes to health and pysical and emotional well being you should be very restrictive and cautious in your thinking and doing. I have a hard time understanding why women do these things when they are married. I can see having fun with someone you are not emotionally attached to. I cannot see what is in it for a woman to have sex with OM because her husband likes to watch. 

Is he planning on cheating on you? What will he want next. How will you feel about your husband afterwards. He will seem weak and pathetic for watching OM have sex with his wife. You have everything to lose. You husband and the OM risk nothing. You may be emotionally harmed, or physically harmed or you may feel violated putting on a show for your husband , your protector and this OM.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

If you are doing this to please your husband then don't do it you will regret it. If he is pressuring you then he does not love or care about you, only your usefulness for his fantasies. Surely you think more of yourself than that.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------

