# Great sex vs imperfect body



## WandaJ (Aug 5, 2014)

So I have a question for guys. I have a friend, divorced, whose old flame has reached out to her recently. Apparently, the sex used to be mind-blowing.. 
He wants to meet, she’d like to meet but.... she is worried that he won’t desire her anymore because due to some health issues she gained recently weight (around 30 lbs). She is worried enough to just give up on even meeting him to avoid disappointment.,

How would that affect you if you were that guy? If there was a woman in the past with whom sex was really amazing, and the connection was there
and now you have a chance again, but she just has extra pounds? Would that be a big turn off?


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## PieceOfSky (Apr 7, 2013)

Fear keeps people from living far too often (me included). Sounds like that may be the case here. She might miss out on a wonderful experience, mutual attraction or not.

Of course, extra weight matters less to some than others. For anyone the impact may be different now than might have been in earlier dating years. And the impact on attraction towards a total stranger vs someone with whom one already has some sort of connection might be quite different. For me, weight and other physical factors matter much less to me in my mid fifties than they did in my early 20s. (I’d be a hypocrite if that weren’t true, but I think it’s also integration of several experiences I have had, that have made other things relatively more important; values and clarity change.)

But if you want a data point, here is mine: I have only one old flame (unfortunately, sex wasn’t included). If we were someday both single, her extra weight (which she has gained through the years, like I have too) would not influence my attraction towards her.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

If the relationship was mainly a sexual one, maybe a fwb arrangement then yes, the weight gain would have a negative effect. 
However if it was a longer term dating relationship and they coalesced at a deeper level then it may not matter. 
And who’s to say the other guy hasn’t gained weight himself. She should meet up with him and see how it goes.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

Sounds like she has already judged him as too shallow for her.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Mr. Nail said:


> Sounds like she has already judged him as too shallow for her.


Sounds like she is judging herself.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Wouldn't slow me down. As long as a woman has a woman shape, good hygiene and everything else is clicking, I don't care much about weight.


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## Hiner112 (Nov 17, 2019)

During my marriage my wife went from 130 to 180 or so and weight was never an issue for me. Her insecurity about her weight was more of a problem because she didn't want to get undressed as often and didn't want to leave the light on, etc but it was never an issue for me personally.

If she needs some reassurance, maybe an exchange of pictures would be in order. Getting the affirmation or denial before going to meet would be better than getting your hopes up and meeting only to be denied when you're face to face.


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## WandaJ (Aug 5, 2014)

Mr. Nail said:


> Sounds like she has already judged him as too shallow for her.


Haven't thought of this that way. But I am sure it is more about her own insecurities, that affect her thinking.


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## WandaJ (Aug 5, 2014)

Thank you for the replies. Frankly, they are rather encouraging


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Nope, would not bother me in the least!


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

none of us are as young or beautiful as we used to be, old loves are like your favorite old gloves, sure they have seen wear, and maybe not as pretty as the news on the store shelf but they fit perfectly, and they smell like the last time you wore them, and they remind you of a past that was special.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Old flame? A few pounds wouldn't bother me... especially on one who was a bit too skinny when we dated...


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## Dadto2 (Aug 11, 2020)

I assume they both have social media, so has he seen recently pics of her? If they both only want a purely sexual relationship, I don't see why the weight gain should be an issue...unless the guy is some fitness freak. Heck, he's probably gained some weight too. I would tell her to go for it. It's shallow meaningless sex. My guess is the guy won't care. He just wants sex.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Make the plunge.

There's only one way to know. 

If you choose, see him, and the cards will fall one way or the other.

Mentally be prepared for multiple outcomes. Then head out for a good visit and at the least a learning experience while getting a ling weekend. 

Enjoy, don't overthink. It hasn't gone far enough to be a serious endeavor.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Maybe he's gained weight, too. How long has it been since they last saw each other? Anyway, as others have said, fear limits our chances, and taking a chance can pay off hugely (just be prepared for other outcomes).


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## BluesPower (Mar 27, 2018)

This is something that women worry about way too much in my opinion. 

Now if he is still super fit, and she was a super hotty and all of that vain, surface stuff, even if the Relationship was mostly sexual, then Maybe, maybe this could be a problem. 

For the most part people age, the gain some weight and everyone changes. I think sometimes men are not as hung up about this as some women appear to be. 

However, even saying this, there is a thread that says some h is not into his wife's body. And I mean unless she is north of 300lbs then I don't get why. Some people can be shallow.

I guess men and woman both can do this. I am not as in shape as I was 25 years ago. I look OK for my age, balding and some people hate that. I really don't worry about any of it. 

While my Fiancé's body is really nice, most esp for her age, but she is not perfect, but she is perfect for me. 

So I would tell friend to see what happens and if they are still into each other, be confident and if he turns out to be shallow the he is shallow... Just move on...


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## WandaJ (Aug 5, 2014)

This is actually awesome. I guess, we the women, should keep this thread for an uplifting reading in the time of the need...


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## BluesPower (Mar 27, 2018)

WandaJ said:


> This is actually awesome. I guess, we the women, should keep this thread for an uplifting reading in the time of the need...


Well thanks, if you are talking about my post. 

I think lots of woman, and people in general get caught up in this perfect looks things. 

I dated a swimsuit model once. OMG, what a body. Did not last, she was nice but more than a little crazy. 

Sex was OK, we were young. Her fantastic body did not make the sex better for me, maybe for some guys. 

I dated a girl that was quite heavy, yes fat, and SHE WAS fantastic in bed. Some of the best sex I ever had. 

And now at this late stage in life, my 60 YO Fiancé, who in my defense is almost full blooded French, and I just never knew about French women... but at this stage of my life I am having some of, if not the best sex of my life. 

I wish women were not as hung up about their looks as they are sometimes. I want them to look nice just not be uptight about it, it gets in the way of good sex...


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## WandaJ (Aug 5, 2014)

@BluesPower , I meant your post and the whole thread. It's all pretty cool and good news for us


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

I am happy that you have found here a useful answer. I am also pleased that we can all recognize that our own insecurities lead us into the dark paths of prejudging the reactions of others. In fact I'm more guilty of this than most.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Is is good news. But then you get men like the one on the thread we have going on in which the OP totally isn't attracted to his overweight but not obese wife, forces himself to have sex with her, doesn't want to see her naked, and treats himself to porn of attractive women because he thinks he deserves that because his own wife is so unattractive.


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## WandaJ (Aug 5, 2014)

Livvie said:


> Is is good news. But then you get men like the one on the thread we have going on in which the OP totally isn't attracted to his overweight but not obese wife, forces himself to have sex with her, doesn't want to see her naked, and treats himself to porn of attractive women because he thinks he deserves that because his own wife is so unattractive.


yes, but we do not really control our attractions. Either it is there or not. That guy is completely aware of the situation, but how do you make yourself attracted to something you are not?


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## BluesPower (Mar 27, 2018)

Livvie said:


> Is is good news. But then you get men like the one on the thread we have going on in which the OP totally isn't attracted to his overweight but not obese wife, forces himself to have sex with her, doesn't want to see her naked, and treats himself to porn of attractive women because he thinks he deserves that because his own wife is so unattractive.


So on that thread, there is more going on than his wife being heavy. And it has more to do with him than it does her. 

So if it is porn, or ignorant self image, general body image (of other people as well), or whatever, that is on him. 

It is more about his insecurities than her shortcomings. 

But, it he is not happy, then be man and hit the road, pay the price. If she is heavy because she is depress living with him, then end it. 

Why would either of them stay. If you are in love with a woman, for me, she is beautiful. And maybe that is easy or me to say because I am with a beautiful women, then maybe I am jaded. 

I will say this. With my ex, from kid weight, to after baby weight to anorexia, or however she looked physically, I loved her, until of course I did not but that had nothing to do with her body. 

So to woman, if you have a guy like the one in that thread, dump him... move on...


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

Sex was awesome?....He might think it will be fun working that extra weight off her with some serious and often cardio. 

I think most guys will not be so much bothered by a little extra weight especially if the sex is great...even if it was prior and she gained since. He will remember the sex and that will make a big difference in her desirability.


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## BluesPower (Mar 27, 2018)

Divinely Favored said:


> Sex was awesome?....He might think it will be fun working that extra weight off her with some serious and often cardio.
> 
> I think most guys will not be so much bothered by a little extra weight especially if the sex is great...even if it was prior and she gained since. He will remember the sex and that will make a big difference in her desirability.


Actually, I heard that each O burns 500 calories. I don't know if it is true, but I sure hope it is!!!!


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

WandaJ said:


> So I have a question for guys. I have a friend, divorced, whose old flame has reached out to her recently. Apparently, the sex used to be mind-blowing..
> He wants to meet, she’d like to meet but.... she is worried that he won’t desire her anymore because due to some health issues she gained recently weight (around 30 lbs). She is worried enough to just give up on even meeting him to avoid disappointment.,
> 
> How would that affect you if you were that guy? If there was a woman in the past with whom sex was really amazing, and the connection was there
> and now you have a chance again, but she just has extra pounds? Would that be a big turn off?


Have they seen recent photos of each other? He may have put weight on as well.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

Livvie said:


> Is is good news. But then you get men like the one on the thread we have going on in which the OP totally isn't attracted to his overweight but not obese wife, forces himself to have sex with her, doesn't want to see her naked, and treats himself to porn of attractive women because he thinks he deserves that because his own wife is so unattractive.


Welcome back to the Club-A-Man House!
Overwhelming positive responses, but you are certain that it is very important to bring up this.
Well since you have declared the season open . . .
How short of a man would you be willing to date?
How short of a man have you actually dated?
Are you in favor of surgical enhancement for undertall men?
Are you in favor of enforced surgical correction for short males?


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## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> Make the plunge.
> 
> There's only one way to know.
> 
> ...


Yes, this. She's really got nothing to lose here. It's not like she's going to transform herself quickly into the body she used to have (which isn't possible anyway). But if there's more than just sex involved here, our minds can bridge gaps and we can get into a relationship that sees an extra 30 pounds as just a thing. If extra weight interferes with activities (not just sex), so that you're basically not as healthy and outgoing as in the past, that could be an issue.

Overall I think this would be a great way to get her toe in the water and, if not gain a long-term relationship, at least gain some confidence.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Mr. Nail said:


> Welcome back to the Club-A-Man House!
> Overwhelming positive responses, but you are certain that it is very important to bring up this.
> Well since you have declared the season open . . .
> How short of a man would you be willing to date?
> ...


Apparently you have a bee in your bonnet about height, though it's not the topic of the thread. The topic is-- do guys care about women's weight gain. Some do, some don't. I pointed out the active thread going on about a man who definitely does. So I am really not understanding your reply to me about height and asking ME about men's height. Kinds makes me feel like I'm the twilight zone. Like, why???? Wtf?

But I'll reply: the shortest man I've dated is 5' 4". We were engaged. It didn't work out, we were way too young. I'm willing to date someone 5' 2" or 5' 3". I'm actually not into tall men, and prefer someone not taller than 5' 8". The surgical correction questions are so odd and strange I'm not going to answer them.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

WandaJ said:


> So I have a question for guys. I have a friend, divorced, whose old flame has reached out to her recently. Apparently, the sex used to be mind-blowing..
> He wants to meet, she’d like to meet but.... she is worried that he won’t desire her anymore because due to some health issues she gained recently weight (around 30 lbs). She is worried enough to just give up on even meeting him to avoid disappointment.,
> 
> How would that affect you if you were that guy? If there was a woman in the past with whom sex was really amazing, and the connection was there
> and now you have a chance again, but she just has extra pounds? Would that be a big turn off?


I don't see how one thing has to do with the other. Some beautiful people are dead fish, some not so beautiful are great.

Besides that everyone ages.

Now if I am being honest however she is not morbidly obese right? I mean 30 pounds on 4' 9" is a lot of weight, 5' 5" not so much. There is a point where you can get heavy enough that most men will lose attraction. But then some men like that too. But that is like to the point where you are unhealthy and having trouble getting around weight for most men. Not 30 pounds from life. 

Assuming she is of average build most men do not mind a little extra weight. Think about it does the guy you date have to look like Brad Pitt with his shirt off? Or if he is pleasant to look at isn't that enough? Most men are the same way. The media tells you we are otherwise. But just look around, we are all mostly a bunch or normal looking people out here. 95% are not move stars.


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## hinterdir (Apr 17, 2018)

WandaJ said:


> So I have a question for guys. I have a friend, divorced, whose old flame has reached out to her recently. Apparently, the sex used to be mind-blowing..
> He wants to meet, she’d like to meet but.... she is worried that he won’t desire her anymore because due to some health issues she gained recently weight (around 30 lbs). She is worried enough to just give up on even meeting him to avoid disappointment.,
> 
> How would that affect you if you were that guy? If there was a woman in the past with whom sex was really amazing, and the connection was there
> and now you have a chance again, but she just has extra pounds? Would that be a big turn off?


Not sure. It depends. A few extra pounds probably wouldn't matter. She may be a little softer and curvier. 
So much weight she doesn't even look like the same person....that would be too much to overcome. 
There are probably lots of levels in between these two scenarios.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

@WandaJ 

I would be okay with it and I am sure lots of other men would be okay with it as well. We all age and all the rest, so to expect someone to be exactly as they were would be silly.

That said some people wouldn't be okay with it, and if that's the case it's good to know that they feel that way, so one can sensibly pass on being with them.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Mr. Nail said:


> Welcome back to the Club-A-Man House!
> Overwhelming positive responses, but you are certain that it is very important to bring up this.
> Well since you have declared the season open . . .
> How short of a man would you be willing to date?
> ...


I'm not sure what your problem is?

Yet I feel it is worthwhile to remind you, that being a short man is not a disability.

That said as a man who is 162cm tall, which puts me at a smidgin over 5'3". I can't recall ever having a problem attracting plenty of women suitors both short and mostly taller, and having had sex with a fair number of them. Including being married to two of them. While having enjoyed a smorgasbord of frequent sex, with different women ever since I was 17 through to today at 49.

Likewise I have plenty of other short male friends, who don't seem to have lacked for enthusiastic sexual partners either.

So I don't get why you have brought this non-issue up?

Oh and I also think the surgery idea is ridiculous as well.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

WandaJ said:


> So I have a question for guys. I have a friend, divorced, whose old flame has reached out to her recently. Apparently, the sex used to be mind-blowing..
> He wants to meet, she’d like to meet but.... she is worried that he won’t desire her anymore because due to some health issues she gained recently weight (around 30 lbs). She is worried enough to just give up on even meeting him to avoid disappointment.,
> 
> How would that affect you if you were that guy? If there was a woman in the past with whom sex was really amazing, and the connection was there
> and now you have a chance again, but she just has extra pounds? Would that be a big turn off?


He wants to meet her. Maybe after many years he has missed her and the fun they had together. 

We all get older. If he is someone worth being with both he and she will understand that we all get older and that our skin is not wrinkle free, we get grey hair (some men loose their hair), we get heavier and not as strong. That doesn't mean we can't love or share memories.

Would a few extra pounds be a huge turn off to me? Nope, not if we shared something special emotional connection. She needs to be confident in herself, because that is sexy. Tell your friend that a man's biggest sex organ is between his ears, not his legs. Her attitude, confidence, are far more important to most men than her waist or hip size.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

WandaJ said:


> yes, but we do not really control our attractions. Either it is there or not. That guy is completely aware of the situation, but how do you make yourself attracted to something you are not?


What is this?

Plump women are not attractive?

In the Middle Ages, it was the plump ones that were sought after!
..........................................................

OK, I buy that attractiveness can extend itself into bedroom preferences.
I also buy that love derives more from personality than looks.

You can have a beautiful partner but later, cannot stand their personality.
Which is more important.....long term?

If the love making does not work out to an 8 or above, what about good-old friendship and companionship?

I find a happy woman much more attractive than one who is not.

You can work on weight issues (together) a lot easier than trying to massage another's personality into something it isn't.

Will this relationship work out with her long ago friend?
The only way to find out is to try.

Should she jump in bed with the guy right away?
No.

She should go with what is most comfortable with her, not allowing herself to be rushed.
If the relationship does not work out, it did not work out.

At least she then took the plunge and was not left with those "What if", feelings.
Those will haunt you to the grave.

Grave thoughts, those...

.................................................................

If the _*Red Queen*_ can find me attractive, then there is hope for everyone!


_THRD-_


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Take a minute and look around.....

Most men and women are overweight after 50 years old. 
She is not all that much different.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

So you don't like it when the preferences of some women are applied to all women?
The topic of this thread is should an overweight woman attempt to date unknown man from her past.
The topic of should an undertall man attempt a post marriage relationship is very relevant. This is the Club-A-Man house.
Surgery for weight control is big business. Surgery for height is "so odd and strange" because . . . . ?why?


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

I'm not a guy, but from feedback guys have given me on the subject, what would bother the most is if she lost her confidence. And it's hard not to when you gain weight.


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## BluesPower (Mar 27, 2018)

DownByTheRiver said:


> I'm not a guy, but from feedback guys have given me on the subject, what would bother the most is if she lost her confidence. And it's hard not to when you gain weight.


I am not sure if I am saying that... Maybe, maybe not. 

Confidence? Comfortable with her self? Possible... 

But, while it makes me sound like I am a progressive, which I am not, I think a woman thinking that I am that shallow about looks would make me most uncomfortable. 

Because I don't think that way, and I think most men, when they are in love really don't think that way. 

I may be weird, but I find women, as a group beautiful. I can usually find something I like in most women, unless she is just a horrible person.

So when a woman is uncomfortable with HER looks because the thinks I am a shallow moron, it is irritating. 

And frankly, I sometimes get tired of showing women, or explaining to women why they are beautiful or how beautiful they are...


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

BluesPower said:


> Actually, I heard that each O burns 500 calories. I don't know if it is true, but I sure hope it is!!!!


If only! We'd both be skinny!!

An orgasm burns just two to three calories.

Most people burn about 100 to 200 calories each time they have sex.

A 150-pound person will burn about 25 calories for every 15 minutes of foreplay. Double (or triple!) the time involved, and you can burn the same amount of calories that you would during a 10-minute light jog


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## BluesPower (Mar 27, 2018)

Married but Happy said:


> If only! We'd both be skinny!!
> 
> An orgasm burns just two to three calories.
> 
> ...


Well I would rather have sex for an hour than jog...


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## bobsmith (Oct 15, 2012)

OP, It would probably depend on the kind of chassis we are talking about here. a 5 footer packing on 30# or a 6 footer? And what was the initial weight? Either way, at least for me, yeah, that I would certainly change my mood. I'd recommend a no strings meeting first. He might just be a horn ball and won't care though.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

DownByTheRiver said:


> I'm not a guy, but from feedback guys have given me on the subject, what would bother the most is if she lost her confidence. And it's hard not to when you gain weight.


yes, big problem... I recently found a brief diary my wife wrote in the last few weeks, where she calls herself a fat, ugly, old woman... although she is overweight (but I never minded this), she is not ugly and not old... she is 57. All our married life has been impossible to convince her that she is beautiful... she's always had a body image problem... but, believe me, she could have been a model... this fat thing always drove me insane.


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## Donny69 (Sep 12, 2020)

Hey WandaJ, tell your "friend" (LOL) that my wife is always putting herself down too but she's hotter than the day I met her (she was just a skinny little girl back then). Real men like real, beautiful women. You ladies need to quit comparing yourselves or something...


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## WandaJ (Aug 5, 2014)

@donny64 thank you. But sometimes it can be hard. I just did it to myself last night. Met with few of my girlfriends last night and boy, these are great, beautiful ladies. Somehow yesterday it send me down the Self-doubt rabbit hole.,I guess divorce hormones are at work, lol.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

In Absentia said:


> yes, big problem... I recently found a brief diary my wife wrote in the last few weeks, where she calls herself a fat, ugly, old woman... although she is overweight (but I never minded this), she is not ugly and not old... she is 57. All our married life has been impossible to convince her that she is beautiful... she's always had a body image problem... but, believe me, she could have been a model... this fat thing always drove me insane.


I think the best way for a man to handle it is to just act oblivious and not let the subject come up and just act eager and oblivious.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

DownByTheRiver said:


> I think the best way for a man to handle it is to just act oblivious and not let the subject come up and just act eager and oblivious.


I have done that... and I always told her I loved her regardless of her age, shape or form... I don't think I ever managed to convince her and it's too late now...


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Yes, sometimes it's a losing battle. Getting old isn't for amateurs.


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## PieceOfSky (Apr 7, 2013)

In Absentia said:


> I have done that... and I always told her I loved her regardless of her age, shape or form... *I don't think I ever managed to convince her *and it's too late now...


Sometimes worry, self-criticism, or anxiety has an agenda, which leaves no room for someone to be convinced.

Perhaps if she would have let herself feel desirable and worthy of attraction, and taken you at your word and credibility-lending behaviors, then that would have been one less brick in the wall between her and an even greater fear. (ETA: And fear never would have allowed her to remove that brick.)

You never know. But, it can be useful to ask oneself “what might I be getting out of holding this restricting/limiting/negative belief about myself (or anything else)?” IME, especially true of someone with OCD tendencies.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

In Absentia said:


> I have done that... and I always told her I loved her regardless of her age, shape or form... I don't think I ever managed to convince her and it's too late now...


At a certain point, it's not for you to be responsible for someone else's personality disorder/dysfunction, but time and time again you blame yourself. THAT is the problem. You are super intent on taking the blame for everything. Blame that isn't yours. Why is that?


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## Donny69 (Sep 12, 2020)

Divo


WandaJ said:


> @donny64 thank you. But sometimes it can be hard. I just did it to myself last night. Met with few of my girlfriends last night and boy, these are great, beautiful ladies. Somehow yesterday it send me down the Self-doubt rabbit hole.,I guess divorce hormones are at work, lol.


I think men have a similar feeling with guys that earn/own more... I’m like “how can he afford all this” Lol. It’s all a little silly, isn’t it? Wasting our time comparing.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

PieceOfSky said:


> Sometimes worry, self-criticism, or anxiety has an agenda, which leaves no room for someone to be convinced.
> 
> Perhaps if she would have let herself feel desirable and worthy of attraction, and taken you at your word and credibility-lending behaviors, then that would have been one less brick in the wall between her and an even greater fear. (ETA: And fear never would have allowed her to remove that brick.)
> 
> You never know. But, it can be useful to ask oneself “what might I be getting out of holding this restricting/limiting/negative belief about myself (or anything else)?” IME, especially true of someone with OCD tendencies.


Unfortunately, I wasn't aware of the severity of her mental issues. She hid it very well and behaved normally, but underneath there was a big fire burning. I was battling the unknown. I guess she didn't have the capacity to deal with the kids, her job and her mental problems, so I was the one who got the boot. Complimenting her has always been a waste of time. She was busy dealing with other stuff.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Livvie said:


> At a certain point, it's not for you to be responsible for someone else's personality disorder/dysfunction, but time and time again you blame yourself. THAT is the problem. You are super intent on taking the blame for everything. Blame that isn't yours. *Why is that?*


I think it's my catholic upbringing... seriously. Also, I never felt properly loved, so I give and give to get love in return and it never happens because I come across as needy. When it doesn't happen, I feel guilty that the love I'm giving is not having the desired effect. It's a vicious circle and quite exhausting. Unfortunately, it turns out I picked the wrong person to give love to, but that's part of history. People say you marry your mother and my mother was the most cold person ever...


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## No Longer Lonely Husband (Nov 3, 2015)

WandaJ said:


> So I have a question for guys. I have a friend, divorced, whose old flame has reached out to her recently. Apparently, the sex used to be mind-blowing..
> He wants to meet, she’d like to meet but.... she is worried that he won’t desire her anymore because due to some health issues she gained recently weight (around 30 lbs). She is worried enough to just give up on even meeting him to avoid disappointment.,
> 
> How would that affect you if you were that guy? If there was a woman in the past with whom sex was really amazing, and the connection was there
> and now you have a chance again, but she just has extra pounds? Would that be a big turn off?


Would not likely effect me If she was the same personality wise. Beauty radiates from within.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Holy moly!!!

Too much deep thought and philosophy for this barbarian!

I'm thinking that being simple in this area is an advantage for me.

I also think having requirements and being demanding as well as being generous and loving make for a far healthier relationship.

I am very generous and loving. I'm also not a man to be denied and I require levels of commitment and self satisfaction that my mate needs to achieve.

I can't imagine the unbalance others are going through.


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## WandaJ (Aug 5, 2014)

ConanHub said:


> Holy moly!!!
> 
> Too much deep thought and philosophy for this barbarian!
> 
> ...


Believe me, many of us would trade places with you, lol. What I would give for this kind of attitude...


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

WandaJ said:


> So I have a question for guys. I have a friend, divorced, whose old flame has reached out to her recently. Apparently, the sex used to be mind-blowing..
> He wants to meet, she’d like to meet but.... she is worried that he won’t desire her anymore because due to some health issues she gained recently weight (around 30 lbs). She is worried enough to just give up on even meeting him to avoid disappointment.,
> 
> How would that affect you if you were that guy? If there was a woman in the past with whom sex was really amazing, and the connection was there
> and now you have a chance again, but she just has extra pounds? Would that be a big turn off?


the chances are he is no oil painting either, maybe he has put on weight, balding, etc.


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## aaarghdub (Jul 15, 2017)

WandaJ said:


> How would that affect you if you were that guy? If there was a woman in the past with whom sex was really amazing, and the connection was there
> and now you have a chance again, but she just has extra pounds? Would that be a big turn off?


I think most guys would likely notice the extra weight but likely won’t be turned off by it. We get it. Now if she had gotten a ton of tattoos or tried to sell me some pyramid-scheme essential oils, then I’d be turned off.

He is not the issue. The bigger issue here is her inner critic. It destroys millions of sex lives a year. If she can’t relax because she’s self-conscious, likely the sex won’t be same. If she’s confident and shows animalistic desire despite some cellulite, pooch, etc her weight won’t matter.


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## hamadryad (Aug 30, 2020)

Depends on the guy.....and also depends on how that 30# is distributed...Not all women(or guys, too) age the same...Some add weight to their tits and hips and still retain an hourglass look, which wouldn't turn most men off, while others just get amorphous and sloppy....

For many guys any female that can fog a mirror, is the greatest thing they ever seen, while others are more picky...Women are no different, either although they probably give a lot more leeway, IME

As others have mentioned, it would also probably be an issue if the guy was fit/well built and she wasn't...Even in that case, if it didn't bother that guy, many women would get upset at the imbalance...I think in general, if the woman isn't "prettier" or more in shape than the guy, she is going to be hung up and insecure about that...


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## aaarghdub (Jul 15, 2017)

hamadryad said:


> if it didn't bother that guy, many women would get upset at the imbalance...I think in general, if the woman isn't "prettier" or more in shape than the guy, she is going to be hung up and insecure about that...


Agreed. Most women already battle with “not being good enough” and when there’s a perceived difference in sexual market value it can be like throwing gas on a fire WRT to any existing insecurity. 


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## C.C. says ... (Aug 1, 2020)

I don’t know how to feel after reading threads here. I had always heard that guys don’t even look at things like cellulite or some extra stomach fat. As long as the woman shows confidence, that would take her a long way.

But then we have the other thread where the guy’s wife seemingly is perfect as far as the sex goes. She’s into it. She wants it all the time. And the guy is like “but her body doesn’t turn me on.” 

So now I’m confused.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

C.C. says ... said:


> I don’t know how to feel after reading threads here. I had always heard that guys don’t even look at things like cellulite or some extra stomach fat. As long as the woman shows confidence, that would take her a long way.
> 
> But then we have the other thread where the guy’s wife seemingly is perfect as far as the sex goes. She’s into it. She wants it all the time. And the guy is like “but her body doesn’t turn me on.”
> 
> So now I’m confused.


That thread you're referencing is a bit off, wouldn't take it too seriously or as a 100% legit thread.


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## scatty (Mar 15, 2013)

I can just say what worked for me. I always acted like I was the sexiest woman alive. It's not like I was narcissistic or went overboard. I wore tube tops and flashed him, loved when he grabbed my ass or anywhere else really. Exuded confidence until I believed it! 
Now, my stomach lies beside me like a puppy, my breasts flop to either side when I lie down, my stretch mark's are like an Atlas to hell and my grays are turning more gray. He is still into me! He says my attitude and confidence was key. Once you start complaining about your body and men have to reassure you, it's a vicious cycle. Sometimes he even starts to believe it.

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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

BluesPower said:


> Well I would rather have sex for an hour than jog...


I recommend both.

Running keeps me in good health and goo shape, which makes me want more sex


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## hamadryad (Aug 30, 2020)

Like a lot of things in relationships, it just depends on the guy....Some guys will accept anything in terms of what a mate's appearance, while some others don't...I've known guys that while themselves look horrible, only accept thin or fit women...I think it also may depend on what a person's perceived value is on the open market, that would just make sense, but you never know how someone chooses to act on that...Just because one can do much better, doesn't mean they will...or even should...

For some, it doesn't matter how great one's skills are or how enthusiastic they like to think they are...If the "imperfect body" is causing a turn off, then it really can't be "great sex"...Additionally, I can't tell you how many guys I know in their later years gave up sex(or just go through the motions) because they claim that their wives look terrible, don't groom, are sloppy/heavy etc.. Add diminished drive and it's usually game over..


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

scatty said:


> Sometimes he even starts to believe it.


If it is said often enough and loud enough, you can get people to believe anything.


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## notmyjamie (Feb 5, 2019)

I think she should meet him if she’s interested. Maybe he has some flaws too and seeing that she has some will make him feel better. Or she can be honest and tell him “look, I’ve gained some weight since we last saw each other. If that matters to you we can call this whole thing off.”

I’m not thin by any stretch. My BF has a belly. I love that he has it because I don’t have to feel so self conscience about myself. He tells me all the time how much he loves certain parts of my body. I believe him. We have an awesome sex life together. I enjoy sex with him in a way nobody else has and he loves it!!! I don’t make him turn off the lights for example. I’m all in. At this point he’s seen it all and he still comes back for more. That tells me all I need to know.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

notmyjamie said:


> I think she should meet him if she’s interested. Maybe he has some flaws too and seeing that she has some will make him feel better. Or she can be honest and tell him “look, I’ve gained some weight since we last saw each other. If that matters to you we can call this whole thing off.”
> 
> I’m not thin by any stretch. My BF has a belly. I love that he has it because I don’t have to feel so self conscience about myself. He tells me all the time how much he loves certain parts of my body. I believe him. We have an awesome sex life together. I enjoy sex with him in a way nobody else has and he loves it!!! I don’t make him turn off the lights for example. I’m all in. At this point he’s seen it all and he still comes back for more. That tells me all I need to know.


I agree she should mention it, but if he doesn't at keast want to see her he's an idiot.

Attraction in a result of not only the visual but also chemistry. I've met many objectively attractive men with great bodies that I just didn't have any chemistry with.

Objectively I have a better body then my bf. It's not perfect but I've been told that 20 somethings have little on me bodywise. BF is fit but he has a middle age dude middle and is a tad soft, but i do not care one bit. He has lost some weight since i met him and while he looks great i don't think sex is any better....i wanted him then and I want him now. I suppose there is a point in weight gaining where I would start to get turned off but there's a decent range where I don’t care because the chemistry is there.

If this guy is a grown man I would think he'd at least want to see her in person and see if anything clicks.

And as i said before, a good body doesn't guarantee chemistry anyway.....there's more to it. So even if she was in top shape that doesn't mean anything would click.


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## Skiguy31 (Oct 13, 2020)

I absolutely adore my wife and am attracted to her as ever. Since we started dating 10 years ago, she's had two kids and become quite obsessed with masturbating. I'll never ever prevent my wife from pleasure and encourage her to as much as she pleases. Because her favorite toy is the Hitachi wand, her vagina has changed over the years. I find her transformation extremely sexy.


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## C.C. says ... (Aug 1, 2020)

Skiguy31 said:


> Because her favorite toy is the Hitachi wand, her vagina has changed over the years. I find her transformation extremely sexy.


What do you mean it _changed?_


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## Skiguy31 (Oct 13, 2020)

Her labia/lips are a lot bigger and meatier then they were when we first met. She barely masturbated when we first started dating in college. Since, she's probably come to give herself 30 orgasms a week with her hitachi.


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## Luminous (Jan 14, 2018)

Skiguy31 said:


> Her labia/lips are a lot bigger and meatier then they were when we first met. She barely masturbated when we first started dating in college. Since, she's probably come to give herself 30 orgasms a week with her hitachi.


Hitachi, makers of fine machinery in many industries, although I can only attest to their Battery/Masonry drills... 

I hope for your sake though the Hitachi in question hasn't made your role redundant! That's one area that should not be replaced with automation!


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## Skiguy31 (Oct 13, 2020)

Luminous said:


> Hitachi, makers of fine machinery in many industries, although I can only attest to their Battery/Masonry drills...
> 
> I hope for your sake though the Hitachi in question hasn't made your role redundant! That's one area that should not be replaced with automation!


Oh it hasn't at all. We still have a wonderful sex life. I encourage her desire to get off. She's a wonderful wife and mother. Her masturbating so much is a turn on for me and pleasurable for her.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

well there is no question that single men and women work out a lot more, try to maintain a lower weight, wear trendier clothes, etc.

but reality is, none of us look like we did 10 years ago...20 years ago--forgetaboutit.

i would encourage her to do the things she can do...makeup, new hot clothes, etc, and go meet him. If they hit it off, it might be an incentive for both of them to get back in fighting shape?


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## Modernman504 (Oct 19, 2020)

WandaJ said:


> So I have a question for guys. I have a friend, divorced, whose old flame has reached out to her recently. Apparently, the sex used to be mind-blowing..
> He wants to meet, she’d like to meet but.... she is worried that he won’t desire her anymore because due to some health issues she gained recently weight (around 30 lbs). She is worried enough to just give up on even meeting him to avoid disappointment.,
> 
> How would that affect you if you were that guy? If there was a woman in the past with whom sex was really amazing, and the connection was there
> and now you have a chance again, but she just has extra pounds? Would that be a big turn off?


Absolutely not. Any guy that shallow should be kicked to the curb, anyway.


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## notmyjamie (Feb 5, 2019)

@WandaJ 

did they meet up? How did it go??


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## WandaJ (Aug 5, 2014)

Yes! I’m sorry I kept forgetting to post an update here. 
they did meet, the spark is there, for now it’s going pretty well....All her worries for nothing...


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

WandaJ said:


> So I have a question for guys. I have a friend, divorced, whose old flame has reached out to her recently. Apparently, the sex used to be mind-blowing..
> He wants to meet, she’d like to meet but.... she is worried that he won’t desire her anymore because due to some health issues she gained recently weight (around 30 lbs). She is worried enough to just give up on even meeting him to avoid disappointment.,
> 
> How would that affect you if you were that guy? If there was a woman in the past with whom sex was really amazing, and the connection was there
> and now you have a chance again, but she just has extra pounds? Would that be a big turn off?


Old flames are always hot even if the fireplace has extra wood.

Nail....That.... Hot......A$$


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

WandaJ said:


> Yes! I’m sorry I kept forgetting to post an update here.
> they did meet, the spark is there, for now it’s going pretty well....All her worries for nothing...


post #2


PieceOfSky said:


> Fear keeps people from living far too often (me included). Sounds like that may be the case here. -snip-


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