# Sister's illness



## Jimena (May 28, 2012)

This weekend, my sister had surgery for an umbilical hernia, which is unusual for someone who is not overweight. For a 36 yr old, her health is poor, primarily due to drug use. She has no teeth, lost a lot of weight, and regularly goes to the er for anything from body sores to accidents like a twisted ankle. 

I don't really expect her to live another 5 years. My parents have intimated that they fear the same. So, this morning I found myself imagining myself at her funeral and what I would say as her eulogy.

Does that sound messed up? My sister and I were never close, especially when her drug use escalated. I would refuse to see/talk to her bc I could never trust she'd be sober. She did make it over for xmas this yr tho. Anyway, now I just mostly feel sad for her... she never got that happiness is from within. 

I'm not sure if its healthy to think this way or not.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

It's not messed up. I gave up my dad because he chose to defend his wife over me when she practically ruined our lives. Honestly, it barely even matters any more, and my DD23, who hadn't see him since she was 6 or 7, couldn't care less. Family is just people you were thrown together with. You can then choose whether it's worth keeping that relationship.


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## indiecat (Sep 24, 2012)

It sounds normal given her history. You are mentally preparing yourself for the worst. 
I suppose she's been through rehab many times?


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

I feel the same way about my sister. She's a druggie. I don't really talked to her - haven't in years. She was hit by a car a month or so ago and I didn't really think much about it. I don't know if I'd go to her funeral. 

I also feel bad for her since she's wasting her life. I don't blame her, she had a horrible childhood. I just feel sad for her.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

Addiction is horrible. I guess when people start doing what they're doing, they imagine that there will be wonderful clinics and top notch help that works when and if they need to / choose to stop. Probably celebrities have perpetuated this myth. It's always in the news when they have 'recovered' from some addiction, we almost never hear about the failures along the way (or after) until they die. 

Try not feeling directly sorry for your sister, but spread the emotions to all people who suffer, from whatever conditions mental or physical. It's easier to be kind or to have kind thoughts about someone when you put them in a general group of lost souls and give compassion that way. It takes away the anger, which is understandable, someone you are supposed to be close to has created this impossible situation that you now have to deal with, just because of biology and history. Life is never fair.


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

I don't think when people start that they think about treatment centers at all. The ones I've known just assumed that they were above it and if they ever want to stop they can. Only they can't. I don't think anyone does drugs thinking about rehab.

I don't think that's odd at all. My situation is very different, but I will be my sister's care giver and I have certainly thought about her end years.

Maybe this will give you time to think of some nice things to say. About her potential or something. Everyone will know she didn't reach her potential. You don't have to lie but you don't have to be harsh if giving a eulogy. You can say you're sad that her life is over so soon and that you two never had very much in common.


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