# Reason for high rate of second marriage divorces



## Herschel (Mar 27, 2016)

There has been a lot of studies into why second marriages (like my own) end up in divorce. My stbx sent me an online book about being a Stepmonster, as if, that somehow related to her. In my perspective, it didn't, except for the things she did. It got me thinking that, the simplest answer is probably the most likely correct.

The reason why second marriages fail so often is because the likelihood that one of the idiots who destroyed the first marriage joined up I to another marriage and didn't fix their ****.

Marriage 1 failure:
Person 1: 50% average blame
Person 2: 50% average blame

Marriage 2 failure:
Odds of having at least 1 person who caused their first marriage to fail is 1-(.5*.5)=.75 or 75%
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MrsHolland (Jun 18, 2016)

Two of the biggest reasons for second divorces and children and money.

Blending families and finances is an extremely difficult thing to do and IMHO too many people just rush in without taking into account all the different personalities and needs. We sought professional guidance before taking big steps and the best advice was to take it very slowly and wait at least 12 months before introducing children to new partners and their children. Then to wait at least 3 years before considering blending families and marriage.

There needs to be very open and honest communication, both parties need to understand the others boundaries, understand their place in the pecking order of life and to be mostly on the same page when it comes to children and finances.

Step parenting can be a minefield if people let it be. I had great SP's so had good examples of what to do. In our home we do not discipline each others kids, we are there as support adults. We have a blended family of 5 teens that live 50/50 with their other bio parent. We can have all in family time or we can each have time alone with our own kids. Everyone is expected to help with the running of the household and the biggest rule we have is that respect for each other is a non negotiable. 

We have both combined and separate money and assets as it is important to both of us that our pre relationship assets are there for our own bio children. This was all set up before blending families, no stress, no worries and it is all very fair. 

It can be very challenging but if it works well then it is a great opportunity to have a great family life again post first divorce.

But of course all the hard work in the world means nothing if the two adults have not done the work to be healed and whole from the first marriage/divorce.


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## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

I am sure there is a lot to what you are saying. Many people, most in fact, never do the hard work of fixing what ever was wrong with them (and we all have or faults), Instead they are afraid to be alone and jump into the next relationship. There are quite a few people here who just can't wait to get married again, as if they NEED to be married. Instead of looking inside they go looking for the next latest and greatest. Then when it all falls apart thye just keep blaming the other person.
I was my ex-wife's second. Looking back she jumped into a relationship with me before the ink was even dry on her papers from the first divorce. I doubt (know just sounds so spiteful) that she never did the hard work of fixing what was wrong with her. In the end she reverted to her tried and true and skeedaddled off with no explanation. Shame on her, but good for me. I am better off! Unlike her I took the time to look inwards. I seriously doubt that I will ever marry again. not because I don't believe in love, but because I don't believe in marriage.


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## Yosemite (Aug 23, 2016)

Some people are just not designed to stay with the same person long term.

The first failed marriage is an indicator.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

...


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## Yosemite (Aug 23, 2016)

Good for you for not being a statistic.


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## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

They are not the same population.

People who will never get divorced, no matter what, obviously will never end up in a second marriage other than by being widowed.

Now for an anecdote: I was married to my first wife for 10 years, most of them not that great. I've been with my second wife for over 20 years and expect death us to part.


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## MrsHolland (Jun 18, 2016)

Yosemite said:


> Some people are just not designed to stay with the same person long term.
> 
> The first failed marriage is an indicator.


Both of my parents were in second marriages for longer than their first. Death ended both second marriages.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

MrsHolland said:


> Both of my parents were in second marriages for longer than their first. Death ended both second marriages.


My ex-wife has also enjoyed a very similar greater second marriage longevity to a partner of similar relationship span as I.

Who goes into these relationships and how they choose to navigate things together is the deciding factor.


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## Yosemite (Aug 23, 2016)

I'm sure we all know someone who is in a successful second marriage.

That doesn't change the fact that most second marriages fail.


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## itsontherocks (Sep 7, 2015)

My therapist said chances are, my ex-wife didn't learn from the mistakes she made from her first marriage and brought it over to our marriage. According to her, she did nothing wrong in her first marriage and he was crazy and angry. She also didn't do anything at all in our marriage to cause our divorce, so she's just an innocent bystander. The therapist said she will continue to fall into this trap until she comes to terms of what she did to cause her share of the blame within both marriages.


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## Yosemite (Aug 23, 2016)

itsontherocks said:


> M The therapist said she will continue to fall into this trap until she comes to terms of what she did to cause her share of the blame within both marriages.


Or until no guy is interested in her anymore.


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## itsontherocks (Sep 7, 2015)

Yosemite said:


> Some people are just not designed to stay with the same person long term.
> 
> The first failed marriage is an indicator.


Pretty general idea. No? What if one person wants to fix the marriage, but the other just does absolutely nothing?


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## Emerging Buddhist (Apr 7, 2016)

Yosemite said:


> I'm sure we all know someone who is in a successful second marriage.
> 
> That doesn't change the fact that most second marriages fail.


And I am thankful mine did... after i walked in on them in our apartment she said her cheating surprised even her.

Some things end blissfully sudden...


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## itsontherocks (Sep 7, 2015)

Yosemite said:


> Or until no guy is interested in her anymore.


She's a very attractive, educationally smart woman, just is in a big depression which she refuses to get proper help. She will not have an issue finding another man. She has a very poor opinion of herself. With that said, if she won't take care of herself, we didn't have a chance. She will disagree, but I fought to the end to reboot the marriage and our relationship. She couldn't care less. When I filed, she just said I just want this over with. Yet, she wouldn't file herself. The woman needs serious help. My therapist said this and even her therapist told me the same. **** (her name, not bad word) needs serious help to work through her personal and emotional issues. Yet, she'd only go to the psch. once a month??? Breaks my heart. It's like watching someone die a slow death.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

I've read that neither of those stats are accurate. The picture is much more optimistic.

2nd marriages don't need to be less successful than 1st if, as you said, the problems from the first are addressed. People have a tendency to walk into 2nd relationships before they have had time to figure out what killed the first one. 

The solution is to wait for a few yrs before getting into a serious relationship and work out personal issues.


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## MrsHolland (Jun 18, 2016)

Yosemite said:


> I'm sure we all know someone who is in a successful second marriage.
> 
> That doesn't change the fact that most second marriages fail.


Yes most second marriages fail but you originally said that a failed first marriage is an indicator that some people are not designed for long term marriage. That is not necessarily true, many people have better second marriages than first.

IMHO it is worth the time to learn, heal and grow and then a second marriage can be wonderful. 

I don't see my first marriage as having failed, how could I with 3 amazing children? My first marriage came to its natural end but it was not of great quality for many years. Barring some extraordinary event I can see this marriage lasting a life time. The difference between the first and second marriage is that I am with the right man.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*My first marriage lasted nearly 14 years.

Then after divorcing her for infidelity, and 6 years of being single yet again, I remarried largely thinking that I had found the marital security that I had always thought existed with the right person!

Well, that second marriage ended 7 years strong, once again to covert cheating on my RSXW's part!

So after batting 0 for 2, with covert infidelity, among other things, being the game-ender in both relationships, and with the second marriage being shorter by roughly half, you'll have to excuse this old fart for being just a tad jaded for not actively seeking a third marriage that I feel would probably be predisposed to the exact same fate, with yet another "shelf-life" factored by half of what the preceding one was!

So like a lot of others, has my mistrust in finding lasting companionship in a loving faithful marriage become well established? I really think that it has! *
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

Yosemite said:


> Good for you for not being a statistic.


Yet!
I sincerely hope his marriage lasts forever. At 17 years no one, especially me ever imagined that my marriage would end. But t it did just shy of our 24th anniversary. Enjoy it while it lasts, if it happens to last til the end even better.


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## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

Catherine602 said:


> I've read that neither of those stats are accurate. The picture is much more optimistic.
> 
> It is? "Past statistics have shown that in the U.S. 50% percent of first marriages, 67% of second, and 73% of third marriages end in divorce
> 
> ...


IMO time itself is not the issue. The issue is the lack of time spent learning the lessons required of you by the universe.


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## Herschel (Mar 27, 2016)

All of you staying that your second marriage is working out...post back here when your still married and dead.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

I think there are two possible reasons:
1) one or both did not learn important lessons from their first marriage, and continue their mistakes
2) once you realize that divorce can be survived by having done it once, you're even less willing to put up with a lot of crap before bailing the next time


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

You realise that you can divorce.

You never fixed what was wrong within you.

Lightening CAN strike twice in the same place.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Herschel said:


> All of you staying that your second marriage is working out...post back here when your still married and dead.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Post back when you dead??? Say WHAT? 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

There are some 1st marriages where the only real issue was "Incompatibility".. foolishly they over looked things they would not be able to live with long term..

Once they got with someone more in tuned with their emotional & physical needs.. the 2nd marriage was heaven sent.. I say this about my dad & step mom.. . they married within a week of their divorces... talk about the ink drying..never looked back.. I can't imagine either of them being with someone else... they bring out "the best" in each other.. 

That's what a couple needs to look for in a mate...before walking down the aisle.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Ynot said:


> Yet!
> I sincerely hope his marriage lasts forever. At 17 years no one, especially me ever imagined that my marriage would end. But t it did just shy of our 24th anniversary. Enjoy it while it lasts, if it happens to last til the end even better.


If it lasts it lasts, if it doesn't it doesn't, I'm not going to worry about something that hasn't happened.

In the future if my wife decides she doesn't want to be married to me she's welcome to move on. Likewise if I decide I don't want to be married to my wife I will move on.

If we don't last together, being apart is the solution. If we do last, staying together will have been the solution.

I've experienced worse things than infidelity and divorce.

The thing is so far no matter what has happened to me I have always quickly picked myself up, dusted myself off and got on with whatever life has offered going forward. I don't see much point in fretting about the future, crying about the past or playing victim if things don't go my way.


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## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

Personal said:


> If it lasts it lasts, if it doesn't it doesn't, I'm not going to worry about something that hasn't happened.
> 
> In the future if my wife decides she doesn't want to be married to me she's welcome to move on. Likewise if I decide I don't want to be married to my wife I will move on.
> 
> ...


No one ever said you should fret about the future. But you responded to the OP as if you were bragging that you were an exception to the rule. So far it has worked out, I hope it continues. I like hearing about good marriages.


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## VladDracul (Jun 17, 2016)

I've always figured that second marriages fail, as judged from the people I know, because number two is often a facsimile of number one. People do go for certain "types".


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Ynot said:


> No one ever said you should fret about the future. But you responded to the OP as if you were bragging that you were an exception to the rule. So far it has worked out, I hope it continues. I like hearing about good marriages.


I don't think I am an exception to the rule at all (which is actually my point). Lots of unexceptional people enjoy terrific long-lived second marriages without it being an exception or something particularly remarkable.

My marriages are what they are, the first was a train wreck from start to finish while my second has worked well thus far. I own both the train wreck and the good one in equal measure.


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## TAMAT (Jun 20, 2015)

My observations of 2nd marriages I've been in contact with..

The W oftens seems to compares the current H to the exH, the current H can be found lacking in certain areas, and this can lead to profound dissatisfaction. 

Perhaps it due in some part to the desire to reclaim what we have lost being stronger than the desire to maintain what we have. Which is why gamblers keep trying to win it back.

I read somewhere the "divorce is merely an exchange of one set of problems for another set of problems.", perhaps many see the 2nd marriage as sweeping away the problems from the divorce only to encounter a 3rd set of problems.

Some percentage of 2nd marriages are also affairages and those statistically don't do well, which would also skew the outcomes.

Tamat


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

Emerging Buddhist said:


> after i walked in on them in our apartment she said her cheating surprised even her.


LMAO! The stuff a cheater will say never ceases to amuse me...


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## GuyInColorado (Dec 26, 2015)

Because they have been through divorce already and won't put up with B.S. as long as the first marriage. If I get married again and it goes south, I'll get out quickly this time. Not going to wait around for years because I'm afraid to disappoint my family and friends. Life is too short to be stuck with a miserable person.


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## phitigirl (Aug 11, 2016)

Married but Happy said:


> I think there are two possible reasons:
> 1) one or both did not learn important lessons from their first marriage, and continue their mistakes
> 2) once you realize that divorce can be survived by having done it once, you're even less willing to put up with a lot of crap before bailing the next time


This! Absolutely this!


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

BetrayedDad said:


> LMAO! The stuff a cheater will say never ceases to amuse me...


*At least she could have raised up from her little illicit "nooky session," glared up at her surprised, unbelieving BH and said, "That's right! Just stand there in the doorway and believe your damned lying eyes!"*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

@arbitrator
You don't have to get married when you find someone you feel has long term relationship potential. 

You said many times that you are not dating. I don't understand why you are not even trying. I've read your posts for years and it is obvious that you have all the qualities of a desirable partner. 

I'll bet you've had women approach you? You can date without expectation of a LTR. 

Were there any red flags in your two relationships that might have indicated a potential for deception? 

You have the benefit of a group of TAM friends who can help you fix your picker should you decide to date.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Catherine602 said:


> @arbitrator
> You don't have to get married when you find someone you feel has long term relationship potential.
> 
> You said many times that you are not dating. I don't understand why you are not even trying. I've read your post for years and it is obvious that you have all the attributes of a desirable partner.
> ...


*No red flags, per se! Of course, in the first few years of a new relationship/marriage, you are normally blind to such maladies!

I have actually been approached by a couple of ladies at church, but they were either not attractive, gave off vibes of being excessively money-oriented, or had the tendency to "run their mouths" a tad too much!

I am on a couple of dating websites, but no one on them really attracts me, and I'm scared crapless that if someone there does picque my interest, that it will be "deja vu all over again!" *
_Posted via Mobile Device_
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

arbitrator said:


> *
> I am on a couple of dating websites, but no one on them really attracts me, and I'm scared crapless that if someone there does picque my interest, that it will be "deja vu all over again!" *
> _Posted via Mobile Device_
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You almost get to the point where you don't trust yourself. No matter how much self reflection and refining your "picker" you will always question your decision. 

Getting cooked once is bad enough, twice and in such glorious fashion as number 2 did would make anyone gunshy.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

honcho said:


> You almost get to the point where you don't trust yourself. No matter how much self reflection and refining your "picker" you will always question your decision.
> 
> Getting cooked once is bad enough, twice and in such glorious fashion as number 2 did would make anyone gunshy.


*Verily ~ Amen, Brother!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Married but Happy said:


> I think there are two possible reasons:
> 1) one or both did not learn important lessons from their first marriage, and continue their mistakes
> 2) *once you realize that divorce can be survived by having done it once, you're even less willing to put up with a lot of crap before bailing the next time[*/QUOTE]
> 
> ...


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

My opinion another big factor on second marriage failure is the loss of fear. Many people stay in unhappy marriages because they:
Fear being alone
Fear a change in lifestyle
Fear a change in income
Fear alienation of children
And so on

Many of these things just aren't present in second marriages and so their is no big scary, no abyss, no fear to cut your losses and say oh well time to move on.


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## MrsHolland (Jun 18, 2016)

Wolf1974 said:


> My opinion another big factor on second marriage failure is the loss of fear. Many people stay in unhappy marriages because they:
> Fear being alone
> Fear a change in lifestyle
> Fear a change in income
> ...


I agree with you Wolf but have found out something very odd in my own situation.

It was a very serious step introducing MrH to my kids, all others before him were casual and the kids knew I was dating but no details. Over the years they have built a great relationship with him. We have had some pretty rough patches and during those times it is the thought of my kids going through another break up that has been in part what helped me to rebalance and work hard to maintain a great relationship with MrH. Not saying I would ever stay in a relationship bc of my kids but at the times I have felt a bit fed up (with external issues such as his ex) I think of the blended family we are building and how I don't want them or me to lose that.

Caveat, this is a relationship worth investing in, if it were not a quality relationship the kids relationship with my partner would have no influence.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

MrsHolland said:


> I agree with you Wolf but have found out something very odd in my own situation.
> 
> It was a very serious step introducing MrH to my kids, all others before him were casual and the kids knew I was dating but no details. Over the years they have built a great relationship with him. We have had some pretty rough patches and during those times it is the thought of my kids going through another break up that has been in part what helped me to rebalance and work hard to maintain a great relationship with MrH. Not saying I would ever stay in a relationship bc of my kids but at the times I have felt a bit fed up (with external issues such as his ex) I think of the blended family we are building and how I don't want them or me to lose that.
> 
> Caveat, this is a relationship worth investing in, if it were not a quality relationship the kids relationship with my partner would have no influence.


That's a very interesting approach. My GF and I have a hands off approach with each other's kids, her choice not mine, so it wouldn't be a huge dynamic to change that but I see where your perspective comes from.


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## MrsHolland (Jun 18, 2016)

Wolf1974 said:


> That's a very interesting approach. My GF and I have a hands off approach with each other's kids, her choice not mine, so it wouldn't be a huge dynamic to change that but I see where your perspective comes from.


I think we may have had a discussion around this before, my stance on step parenting is a bit left of centre compared to many on TAM. We do not "parent" each others kids, we do not discipline each others kids. All of them live with the same rules however.

We are bonus adults in our step children's lives, that all have fully functioning bio parents and they live with us for a mix of roughly 50/50 us and other bio parent. MrH and I both respect the relationship all the kids have with their bio parents and do not step over that line.

So in our house this has resulted in reasonably amicable step parenting/ step child relationships. There are bonds that have developed and if they were to break it would be very hard on all of us.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

frusdil said:


> Nothing's ever as good or as bad as the first time is it?


Weeelll .... Nothing has been as _bad_ as the first time, but nothing has come close to being as _good_ as the second!


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Wolf1974 said:


> My opinion another big factor on second marriage failure is the loss of fear. Many people stay in unhappy marriages because they:
> Fear being alone
> Fear a change in lifestyle
> Fear a change in income
> ...


Very sad, but very true. It makes me tear up to think that my husband could very well feel that way if things ever got really rough in our marriage  To me, divorce is about the worst thing that could happen...not sure I'd survive it to be honest. But it likely wouldn't feel that bad to him as he's been through it once and survived, thrived even


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

MrsHolland said:


> I think we may have had a discussion around this before, my stance on step parenting is a bit left of centre compared to many on TAM. We do not "parent" each others kids, we do not discipline each others kids. All of them live with the same rules however.
> 
> We are bonus adults in our step children's lives, that all have fully functioning bio parents and they live with us for a mix of roughly 50/50 us and other bio parent. MrH and I both respect the relationship all the kids have with their bio parents and do not step over that line.
> 
> So in our house this has resulted in reasonably amicable step parenting/ step child relationships. There are bonds that have developed and if they were to break it would be very hard on all of us.


Correct me if I'm wrong Mrs H, but both sets of kids were teens or almost teens when you and Mr H got together, is that right? In that case, I absolutely agree in not parenting each others kids...teens are a whole different ballgame than if you came into each others lives when the kids were small.

In my case, my girl was 6 when I met her daddy, and what started off as 50/50, is now full time in our home - plus she is homeschooled, by me, I can't not parent/discipline her, it just wouldn't work. She's such a great kid though, honestly, since her ASD diagnosis (that I pushed for) she is getting the support she needs and is thriving. Her behaviour did a complete 180. I rarely have to pull her up anymore...mostly I just need to remind her to remember "the filter" sometimes when she talks...ASD kids can be VERY blunt, lol!

I'm so proud of her...anyhoo that's a convo for another day, lol


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## MrsHolland (Jun 18, 2016)

frusdil said:


> Correct me if I'm wrong Mrs H, but both sets of kids were teens or almost teens when you and Mr H got together, is that right? In that case, I absolutely agree in not parenting each others kids...teens are a whole different ballgame than if you came into each others lives when the kids were small.
> 
> In my case, my girl was 6 when I met her daddy, and what started off as 50/50, is now full time in our home - plus she is homeschooled, by me, I can't not parent/discipline her, it just wouldn't work. She's such a great kid though, honestly, since her ASD diagnosis (that I pushed for) she is getting the support she needs and is thriving. Her behaviour did a complete 180. I rarely have to pull her up anymore...mostly I just need to remind her to remember "the filter" sometimes when she talks...ASD kids can be VERY blunt, lol!
> 
> I'm so proud of her...anyhoo that's a convo for another day, lol


We have already agreed that there is a vast difference between a SP that takes on a child in the younger years especially if the bio parent relationship is tenuous or non existent and where a SP takes on older children with 2 fully functioning and involved bio parents.

Yes our rowdy lot were pre teens and teens, seems like so long ago. Now all teens and the oldest soon to hit his 20's. 

And it shines through how proud you are of your SD, that is a blessing to you all


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

There are a significant number of people who will do almost anything to avoid divorce. When they get married, they stay married - even if it is to someone who may be a poor match.

For second marriages, those people are not in the statistics.



Herschel said:


> There has been a lot of studies into why second marriages (like my own) end up in divorce. My stbx sent me an online book about being a Stepmonster, as if, that somehow related to her. In my perspective, it didn't, except for the things she did. It got me thinking that, the simplest answer is probably the most likely correct.
> 
> The reason why second marriages fail so often is because the likelihood that one of the idiots who destroyed the first marriage joined up I to another marriage and didn't fix their ****.
> 
> ...


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## Yosemite (Aug 23, 2016)

Herschel said:


> All of you staying that your second marriage is working out...post back here when your still married and dead.


If they're dead, how the heck are they going to post?


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## Herschel (Mar 27, 2016)

Yosemite said:


> If they're dead, how the heck are they going to post?


That's the point. You don't know if you have a successful 2nd marriage until one of you is dead.


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## Yosemite (Aug 23, 2016)

Herschel said:


> That's the point. You don't know if you have a successful 2nd marriage until one of you is dead.


There's gotta be a better way.


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## MrsHolland (Jun 18, 2016)

Herschel said:


> That's the point. You don't know if you have a successful 2nd marriage until one of you is dead.


Does killing them count?


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## Herschel (Mar 27, 2016)

MrsHolland said:


> Does killing them count?


I guess then it was only a successful marriage to one of them.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Herschel said:


> That's the point. You don't know if you have a successful 2nd marriage until one of you is dead.


I disagree with your implied definition of a successful marriage, that it has to last until death. There are many other possible definitions of success. 

In some ways, my first marriage was a success: we successfully raised our child, and built a firm financial foundation. We even had some fun along the way, at least in the earlier years, we took care of each other, and there was no infidelity. Yes, it was increasingly sexless and lacking in intimacy and diverging values, so it was time to move on. Which I did - successfully. She eventually did as well.

BTW, will my first marriage be considered a success when my ex is dead, if the other things don't matter?


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## GuyInColorado (Dec 26, 2015)

Married but Happy said:


> I disagree with your implied definition of a successful marriage, that it has to last until death. There are many other possible definitions of success.
> 
> In some ways, my first marriage was a success: we successfully raised our child, and built a firm financial foundation. We even had some fun along the way, at least in the earlier years, we took care of each other, and there was no infidelity. Yes, it was increasingly sexless and lacking in intimacy and diverging values, so it was time to move on. Which I did - successfully. She eventually did as well.
> 
> BTW, will my first marriage be considered a success when my ex is dead, if the other things don't matter?


Totally agree. My 8 year marriage was a failure for most part, but the two kids we made out of it (some miracle), was worth it all. Now time to have fun having sex with all kinds of different women!


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## questar1 (Aug 4, 2011)

To add to the confusion of applying meaningful statistics, one person's second marriage (or more) may be the other's first, second, third, or nth. One might try just adding up all the marriages present: I'm on my third, H on his first, so we have four marriages present. Or, give it a code--W3H1. Like that. 

My 2c worth: Yes, I am more likely both to call it a day if I recognize the presence of utter failure, but at the same time I have an abiding respect for the intrinsic value of marriage and will go down swinging. As for H, he's a one-note Johnny, married late in life because "you only do it once." So on the days I give up, he just....doesn't. 

Lots of factors go into marital longevity.


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