# Okay to fantasize about celebs when married?



## knightRider (Dec 31, 2014)

Is it okay to fantasize about celebs when your married?
Is it a form of emotional cheating?
I wonder if men and women feel differently about this?

My personal take on this is that women tend to fantasize more about celebs than men do.


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## melissa8585 (Jul 24, 2017)

knightRider said:


> Is it okay to fantasize about celebs when your married?
> Is it a form of emotional cheating?
> I wonder if men and women feel differently about this?
> 
> My personal take on this is that women tend to fantasize more about celebs than men do.


I think it's normal to occasionally fantasize about celebrities. As long as it's not obsessive.


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## Emerging Buddhist (Apr 7, 2016)

If I could re-channel the profits from Hollywood and sports to where it would make a real difference... 

I do not understand the attraction... my heroes do things, not pretend to.

I get one judgement weakness today, since this is it, I'll take it.


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## vauxhall101 (Jul 23, 2017)

"My wife asks me if I ever fantasize about her, and I say of course not! What am I going to fantasize about, picking her up at the airport and getting yelled at? Your fantasises can be about ANYONE, and that's an amazing, beautiful thing."
- Louis CK


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## twoofus (Jun 16, 2017)

vauxhall101 said:


> "My wife asks me if I ever fantasize about her, and I say of course not! What am I going to fantasize about, picking her up at the airport and getting yelled at? Your fantasises can be about ANYONE, and that's an amazing, beautiful thing."
> - Louis CK


LOL

Funnily enough, I do sometimes fantasise about my wife, usually winding back to the days when she was quite adventurous and we did some pretty erotic stuff. 

Fantasies are fine as it doesn't involve people you interact with and therefore could turn into an obsession, you don't want to end up a stalker!
So celebrities are fine, but not your next door neighbour or in-laws for example. If your fantasies are about the current US President or the UK Prime Minister, then seek professional help immediately.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

I think almost all fantasies are completely fine. I see them as a problem if they directly interfere with your sex life, or if you fantasize about a specific person you know to the point where you begin to treat them differently .

Otherwise, no problem.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Personally, I think that what goes on in your head should stay there, as long as it isn't a plot to actually DO something with someone else. And as long as it isn't something you're obsessed with.

I have dreams about screwing celebs once in a while. If my husband ever asked me point blank I'd admit to them, but I am certainly not going to just up and tell him about it.


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*I wouldn't recommend fantasizing about celebs, or for that matter, anybody, and then count on living to tell about it!

If you absolutely must go the "celebrity worship route" over that of your W, then I'd fastly advise you to just keep your mouth tightly shut!*


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Oh, I am such an odd duck on this one. I really don't compartmentalize celebs or anyone for that matter as "untouchable" as in someone there would be no chance with. A person is a person whether they are the fry guy at McDonalds, or Bret Michaels. I don't see anything inherently special about them over anyone else, save for the fact that more people know their name, and they have a more well crafted persona. I am also not one who buys into the whole "It doesn't matter where they get their appetite, so long as they eat at home."

This very question is a facet of the biggest issue I have in my marriage actually. My wife loooooves her celebs. I would not say it rises to any kind of obsession because she doesn't have posters, or follow them in social media, or participate in any discussion boards, or anything like that.

Early on, she was very vocal and explicit in her attraction to a certain few. After numerous discussions, she has reigned it in quite a bit, but the rub for me wasn't so much the fact that she was attracted to them, or even that she vocalized it. It was the fact that she just could not manage to heap the same raw verbal lust onto me. We went round and round about this for the first couple of years, until I finally just gave up and have to sadly accept that my wife does not see me with the same raw lust and desire that she expresses for other men.

This question is also kind of timely in that just last weekend, we saw one of these droolboys in concert. She had looked forward to it for a couple of months, regularly talked about it, and was quit obviously excited. The day of the concert, she put in quite the effort getting ready to go, even went so far as to put on full makeup which is something I have seen on her maybe three times in our entire time together. She was quite the giddy little school girl during the show. I felt so torn though because on the one hand, I truly enjoyed seeing her so happy and excited, on the other hand, I felt a bit of resentment because I so rarely inspire such effort and emotion from her. She asked me to take videos and pictures for her, and I did, but it In a way, it made me feel kind of disgusted with myself knowing exactly what was going to happen with them...Facebook so the drooling could begin.

When pressed, she would of course tell me how attractive she finds me, but to this day, I could not point to one specific thing about me, specific outfit, specific haircut, that she finds particularly desirous. I couldn't tell you anything specific that I could say or do that makes her think "dayummm" Her various droolboys on the other hand, yeah, I know the specifics.

This has definitely shifted my views and feelings about our sex life. We do have frequent, phenomenal sex. It's always good. At the same time, it is exhausting sometimes getting mentally in the mood to have sex with someone who while they are not repulsed by me in any way, are at the same time, not desirous and lusting either.


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## knightRider (Dec 31, 2014)

What about if you fantasize about a celeb and meet someone who looks like them?


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## vauxhall101 (Jul 23, 2017)

knightRider said:


> What about if you fantasize about a celeb and meet someone who looks like them?


Personally, I think it's about separation, or compartmentalization, or whatever you want to call it. I've always thought so anyway. Even when I was a teenager I don't think I ever once fantasized about females I knew, but celebrities are different. I feel like it's a little bit icky if I'm fantasising about the girl next door, because I imagine how she might feel about it, it feels a bit invasive. But Madonna or Jennifer Lopez or whoever , they're never going to meet me, I'm sure they couldn't care less.


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## GTdad (Aug 15, 2011)

I'd MUCH rather my wife fantasize about Johnny Depp than my brother or the next door neighbor.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

GTdad said:


> I'd MUCH rather my wife fantasize about Johnny Depp than my brother or the next door neighbor.


I think an instructive follow up question and scenario would be to remove the compartmentalization, and consider the reaction given opportunity. What would the reactipn be if said celeb approached and offered the opportunity for something to happen. Is a crush dangerous, or only dangerous given opportunity?


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

About three years ago my girlfriend and me were having a few drinks with friends and the discussion got around to celebrities that we found attractive and the subject of hall passes came up.We decided that we both could have one celebrity each who we could sleep with if we got the chance.
I picked my all time favourite pinup girl Charlize Theron.
She picked George Michael???
I don't think she thought this through,he was gay at the time and to make this scenario even less likely he has since died.
I feel I'm still in with a chance with Charlize though.😜😜😜


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Andy1001 said:


> About three years ago my girlfriend and me were having a few drinks with friends and the discussion got around to celebrities that we found attractive and the subject of hall passes came up.We decided that we both could have one celebrity each who we could sleep with if we got the chance.
> I picked my all time favourite pinup girl Charlize Theron.
> She picked George Michael???
> I don't think she thought this through,he was gay at the time and to make this scenario even less likely he has since died.
> I feel I'm still in with a chance with Charlize though.&#55357;&#56860;&#55357;&#56860;&#55357;&#56860;


Yeah, screw that. I don't care who the dude is, I'm not sharing my wife, not even jokingly. I may be a stick in the mud to some people for this, but I won't even entertain hypotheticals with something so important to me. Not my idea of fun.


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

Many fantasies aren't just the look of the person but the attitude and events you fantasize about. They can sometimes tell you what you are missing from your marriage. 

So if I'm fantasizing about coming home to hot celeb who cooked dinner for me and wants to rub my feet, maybe I need a little more romance from hubby. 

If he fantasizes about hot celeb being all dolled up wanting sex, maybe he needs a little more spontaneous sex and initiation from his wife. 

As long as you can understand that life will never be as flawless as your fantasies, even the celebs you are thinking of are flawed humans, and not expect fantasy in real life I think it's healthy.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

SlowlyGoingCrazy said:


> Many fantasies aren't just the look of the person but the attitude and events you fantasize about. They can sometimes tell you what you are missing from your marriage.
> 
> So if I'm fantasizing about coming home to hot celeb who cooked dinner for me and wants to rub my feet, maybe I need a little more romance from hubby.
> 
> ...


Hmmm...maybe it's the international criminality that is missing from our home?  Either that or the throngs of groupies...


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

samyeagar said:


> Yeah, screw that. I don't care who the dude is, I'm not sharing my wife, not even jokingly. I may be a stick in the mud to some people for this, but I won't even entertain hypotheticals with something so important to me. Not my idea of fun.


You may have missed my point.Her crush was gay and is now dead.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Andy1001 said:


> You may have missed my point.Her crush was gay and is now dead.


And that's fine, my wife had her huge crush on him too. So does your wife get to pick a new one now that you would honestly be OK with her banging?

My point still stands though, and my feelings on the subject aren't tied to any specific individual.


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## TX-SC (Aug 25, 2015)

I don't fantasize about celebrities. A nice cheeseburger, sure. Dang, I'm hungry and it's lunchtime. What were we talking about again?


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

samyeagar said:


> And that's fine, my wife had her huge crush on him too. So does your wife get to pick a new one now that you would honestly be OK with her banging?
> 
> My point still stands though, and my feelings on the subject aren't tied to any specific individual.


No she made her choice and has to stiwith it.lol.
And she's not my wife.Yet.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Andy1001 said:


> About three years ago my girlfriend and me were having a few drinks with friends and the discussion got around to celebrities that we found attractive and the subject of hall passes came up.We decided that we both could have one celebrity each who we could sleep with if we got the chance.
> I picked my all time favourite pinup girl Charlize Theron.
> She picked George Michael???
> I don't think she thought this through,he was gay at the time and to make this scenario even less likely he has since died.
> I feel I'm still in with a chance with Charlize though.&#55357;&#56860;&#55357;&#56860;&#55357;&#56860;


"Such-and-such is gay. But I bet if we got together, I'd make them forget about being gay!"

I knew a woman who had fantasies about Julian Clary who, to use an old expression, is as camp as Christmas.

She used to say "What a waste to womanhood *he* is" and lick her lips! :


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## Middle of Everything (Feb 19, 2012)

Im with @samyeagar to an extent and I guess @TX-SC on this. Lol. 

To me celebrities are just people. People far too many people think far too highly of. But likely a lot of them are *******s and not "all that".

I have no illusions that my wife doesnt think other guy arent attractive. I just dont need to hear about it. I really think that problems really arise for couples when one is too vocal about their attraction to a specific or a few specific celebs. These problems can be exacerbated I think when the spouse doesnt exactly match up in some way to said celeb. Say hubby is a 5'8" guy of slight build and wifey is a little too damn vocal about getting wet for the Rock. Or wife has smaller breasts and hubby is way too obvious about getting hard for say a Kate Upton.

So yeah admit that yes some are attractive. But the teenage fanboy/girl obsessive crap where all your family and friends know who their spank bank hall of fame is? I dont know what spouses think they are doing when they pull **** like that. Are they really just big **** tests?


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

MattMatt said:


> "Such-and-such is gay. But I bet if we got together, I'd make them forget about being gay!"
> 
> I knew a woman who had fantasies about Julian Clary who, to use an old expression, is as camp as Christmas.
> 
> She used to say "What a waste to womanhood *he* is" and lick her lips! :


Well she is gorgeous looking but her abilities in the bringing deceased pop stars back to life area need some work.😀


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Emerging Buddhist said:


> If I could re-channel the profits from Hollywood and sports to where it would make a real difference...
> 
> I do not understand the attraction... *my heroes do things, not pretend to*.
> 
> I get one judgement weakness today, since this is it, I'll take it.


One of your' better posts!


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Middle of Everything said:


> Im with @samyeagar to an extent and I guess @TX-SC on this. Lol.
> 
> To me celebrities are just people. People far too many people think far too highly of. But likely a lot of them are *******s and not "all that".
> 
> ...


That's kind of it. If my wife struggled in vocalizing or outwardly showing her raw desire and lust for anyone, I would not be bothered that she didn't about me. If she was as outwardly expressive about me as she is her celebs, it wouldn't bother me that she is. Simply put, I just want at least a level playing field rather than being stuck on the short end.

As I said, she has gotten much better at keeping her feelings to herself, so I suppose I should applaud that, but at the same time, the cat is out of the bag. I know what she is thinking, and I know that she is more than capable of outward expression, so I guess it makes it easier in an out of sight out of mind kind of way, but doesn't really change the underlying dynamic.


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## stormylove (Aug 9, 2017)

Personally, I don't think it is okay to fantasize about anyone (other than your spouse) when you're married. I'm fairly religious so views might differ for those who are not. But generally speaking, as long as its not something you're hiding from your spouse and they're okay with it then who cares?


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## snerg (Apr 10, 2013)

samyeagar said:


> Oh, I am such an odd duck on this one. I really don't compartmentalize celebs or anyone for that matter as "untouchable" as in someone there would be no chance with. A person is a person whether they are the fry guy at McDonalds, or Bret Michaels. I don't see anything inherently special about them over anyone else, save for the fact that more people know their name, and they have a more well crafted persona. I am also not one who buys into the whole "It doesn't matter where they get their appetite, so long as they eat at home."
> 
> This very question is a facet of the biggest issue I have in my marriage actually. My wife loooooves her celebs. I would not say it rises to any kind of obsession because she doesn't have posters, or follow them in social media, or participate in any discussion boards, or anything like that.
> 
> ...



Wow.

That's depressing. Saddening. Soul crushing.

Why stay?


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

snerg said:


> Wow.
> 
> That's depressing. Saddening. Soul crushing.
> 
> Why stay?


Apart from that Mrs. Lincoln, how was the play? 

All kinds of platitudes come to mind such as we make a great team, we're in love, the sex is great, and they are all true. What you described above is true as well, but for the moment, it is manageable, and the good outweighs the bad by a decent margin. I am keenly aware that this one particular issue is a doozy though, and puts things in a potentially very precarious situation.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

samyeagar said:


> Oh, I am such an odd duck on this one. I really don't compartmentalize celebs or anyone for that matter as "untouchable" as in someone there would be no chance with. A person is a person whether they are the fry guy at McDonalds, or Bret Michaels. I don't see anything inherently special about them over anyone else, save for the fact that more people know their name, and they have a more well crafted persona. I am also not one who buys into the whole "It doesn't matter where they get their appetite, so long as they eat at home."
> 
> This very question is a facet of the biggest issue I have in my marriage actually. My wife loooooves her celebs. I would not say it rises to any kind of obsession because she doesn't have posters, or follow them in social media, or participate in any discussion boards, or anything like that.
> 
> ...



Sorry to hear that. What makes you stay? I, for one, certainly would not want to be second fiddle to my W.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

My W follows a few celebrities. Does she have fantasies about them? Not sure. Would it matter to me? Not really. She does not appear crazed about any celebrity in particular so I don't really worry about it. She likes Shemar Moore. She also likes Candace Cameron Bure. Make your best guess if she fantasizes about anyone.


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## haleystipp6 (Aug 11, 2017)

I don't know, since I've never been married or never well I've been with people but never got married. So I don't know

Sent from my Pixel XL using Tapatalk


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## Luvher4life (Jan 15, 2016)

I guess the older I get, and the better sex has gotten with my wife, my fantasies usually involve her in some form or fashion. If there is anybody else involved, they are faceless and unidentifiable. My wife has told me many times that she doesn't have any fantasies. It's hard to believe but I have seen no actions to the contrary, except maybe a scenario here and there that piques her interest, so I have to take her word for it. She does enjoy sex immensely, however.

By the way, I don't see celebrities any differently than I do real people. They put there pants on one leg at a time just like me. Sometimes I will like the character they portray, but it ain't real life.


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## Anthony Wellers (Jul 29, 2017)

knightRider said:


> Is it okay to fantasize about celebs when your married?
> Is it a form of emotional cheating?
> I wonder if men and women feel differently about this?
> 
> My personal take on this is that women tend to fantasize more about celebs than men do.


Why not? As long as you're both okay with it.

My W 'fantasises' about a certain actor and openly teases me about it, all in good fun. It isn't every time he comes on the screen, so it isn't an obsessive fascination, and as a matter of fact I have an admiration for this actor as well (though not in that way).

She also teases me that I fancy certain female film stars (can't think who exactly, though some are rather good looking and appealing).


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## Anthony Wellers (Jul 29, 2017)

GTdad said:


> I'd MUCH rather my wife fantasize about Johnny Depp than my brother or the next door neighbor.


If my W fantasised about Johnny Depp I would be deeply concerned.


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