# Bored



## thedope (Jan 3, 2017)

I'm a make in my early 30s. Find wife attractive. But found myself having lower sex drive. I have some medical issues (cancer) but nothing that serious. I have nothing effecting my physicaly, I have high testosterone, I work out, in good shape, etc. I'm not looking to cheat or anything like that. It's just I am generally just bored of sex. It's al been pretty much done before and nothing is really exciting. Any ideas?


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## chronicallyfrustrated (Jul 21, 2017)

thedope said:


> I'm a make in my early 30s. Find wife attractive. But found myself having lower sex drive. *I have some medical issues (cancer) but nothing that serious.*


Cancer, now not that serious. Man, what a time to be alive.



thedope said:


> I have nothing effecting my physicaly, I have high testosterone, I work out, in good shape, etc. I'm not looking to cheat or anything like that. It's just I am generally just bored of sex. It's al been pretty much done before and nothing is really exciting. Any ideas?


Have you recently tried exploring (or re-exploring) your sexuality to find new interests or fetishes? Maybe there's something out there you're really into that you just haven't discovered yet!


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Are you bored with sex, or sex with your wife? If the idea of sex with someone else seems exciting, then it's not sex you're bored with. In that case, what have you tried to reignite some passion with your wife? Is she happy with your sex life? The first step is to talk about it, and then try some variations, and some new things. If you always do the same things, then yes, it can get boring, and even an orgasm may not seem worth the effort. I can also say that I'm not the least bit bored even after 17 years and having sex with the same woman about 9000 times - it's constantly changing, and still exciting.

It could be that you're not a very sexual person, but regardless, the issue is bothering you. I think you need to tell us more about your situation, if you want useful suggestions.


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## thedope (Jan 3, 2017)

No, sex with someone else doesn't seem exciting to me at all. It's more of a malaise, or asexual feeling.


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## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

Let me ask a few questions:

How old are you and your wife?
Do you have kids, and what ages?

What treatment are your on for your cancer? 
It could be the treatment or the medicines you are taking.
Are you depressed or on antidepressants?
These also could be to blame.


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## pbj2016 (May 7, 2017)

thedope said:


> No, sex with someone else doesn't seem exciting to me at all. It's more of a malaise, or asexual feeling.




You say high testosterone. How was that measured and when? I started feeling asexual although everything worked properly. I knew something was off. Hormones are very complicated and if everything (thyroid, pituitary, testes) is not in sync you could be dealing with an imbalance. 

It is very possible that it has nothing to do with a medical issue but rather boredom with life in general, otherwise known as depression. It just shows up in the bedroom because that is an area you care about. If a doctor has ruled out anything medically I would find some new hobbies to try to gain back interest in your life.


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## thedope (Jan 3, 2017)

Everything works fine I have my hormone levels tested all the time because of the medical condition. Don't get hung up on cancer thing, seriously I'm fine. No kids, I am in early 30s. There is really. There isn't really anything for me to be stressed about. I have a high stress job, but I always have. I feel a little down, but I don't know why. There is really no reason for it. We still have sex but it's maybe 4 or so times a month. I perform well during those times.


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## thedope (Jan 3, 2017)

pbj2016 said:


> thedope said:
> 
> 
> > No, sex with someone else doesn't seem exciting to me at all. It's more of a malaise, or asexual feeling.
> ...


New hobbies, yes that sounds good. I feel like I could use a vacation but closing on a house means I don't have much money at the moment. I do have a ton of vacation hours to use at work though.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

thedope said:


> No, sex with someone else doesn't seem exciting to me at all. It's more of a malaise, or asexual feeling.


So your wife does not seem exciting to you?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

How many hours a week do you and your wife spend together, just the two of you, doing things that that both enjoy... quality time. What are these things that you do together?


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## thedope (Jan 3, 2017)

EleGirl said:


> How many hours a week do you and your wife spend together, just the two of you, doing things that that both enjoy... quality time. What are these things that you do together?


We spend a lot of time together. How much of that do i enjoy? I am not sure. Like a lot of wives she has a tendency to nag. I know there are something I do that she doesn't like as well.


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

thedope said:


> I'm a make in my early 30s. Find wife attractive. But found myself having lower sex drive. I have some medical issues *(cancer)* but nothing that serious. I have nothing effecting my physicaly, I have high testosterone, I work out, in good shape, etc. I'm not looking to cheat or anything like that. It's just I am generally just bored of sex. It's al been pretty much done before and nothing is really exciting. Any ideas?


I wonder if it's possible to lose interest in everyday things, or things that used to interest you, when you are dealing with cancer. It could be that your mind is understandably focused elsewhere, and maybe what used to be exciting, has become boring. (even if just subconsciously)


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

thedope said:


> EleGirl said:
> 
> 
> > How many hours a week do you and your wife spend together, just the two of you, doing things that that both enjoy... quality time. What are these things that you do together?
> ...


What do you two do when you spend time together? It's a very important question. The answer will help.


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## thedope (Jan 3, 2017)

EleGirl said:


> thedope said:
> 
> 
> > EleGirl said:
> ...


Things most couples do I suppose. Go to resteraunts, movies, watch tv, get coffee, play with dogs, go to the gym, amusement parks. Neither ok of us likes to drink.


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## thedope (Jan 3, 2017)

*Deidre* said:


> thedope said:
> 
> 
> > I'm a make in my early 30s. Find wife attractive. But found myself having lower sex drive. I have some medical issues *(cancer)* but nothing that serious. I have nothing effecting my physicaly, I have high testosterone, I work out, in good shape, etc. I'm not looking to cheat or anything like that. It's just I am generally just bored of sex. It's al been pretty much done before and nothing is really exciting. Any ideas?
> ...


I have pretty much defeated cancer. There maybe a bit left but it is unlikely to grow again. It really wasn't too bad compared to some people I have seen at the hospital. I actually still feel for the children and other people. I needed multiple surgeries one of them 6 hours to remove a fast growing 1.5 pound mass in my neck. Yes, there is a chance it may come back but it's pretty low. It doesn't bother me, as anyone can die at pretty much any moment anyway from various causes. I really don't think the whole cancer thing is related.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

thedope said:


> Things most couples do I suppose. Go to resteraunts, movies, watch tv, get coffee, play with dogs, go to the gym, amusement parks. Neither ok of us likes to drink.


How often are other people involved in these activities with you? 

Movies and TV are not considered spending quality time together because you are not concentrating on each other. Play with dogs and the gym of not account either for the same reason.

From what you write, your relationship sounds very damaged. What I suggest is that you look at revamping your relationship, with your wife involved in this. There are two books that would help you two do this: "Love Busters" and "His Needs, Her Needs" (see links in my signature block below). The idea of the books is to rebuild/restructure your relationship. Once this is done, the 'in love' feelings, passion, will return to your relationship.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

thedope said:


> I have pretty much defeated cancer. There maybe a bit left but it is unlikely to grow again. It really wasn't too bad compared to some people I have seen at the hospital. I actually still feel for the children and other people. I needed multiple surgeries one of them 6 hours to remove a fast growing 1.5 pound mass in my neck. Yes, there is a chance it may come back but it's pretty low. It doesn't bother me, as anyone can die at pretty much any moment anyway from various causes. I really don't think the whole cancer thing is related.


It's great that you have beat the cancer. But it sounds like you went through some very hard times with it. My bet is that on top of any problems with your marriage, you are probably suffering from clinical depression. That's pretty normal after a medical crisis. You might want to look into getting some help with depression.


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## thedope (Jan 3, 2017)

EleGirl said:


> thedope said:
> 
> 
> > Things most couples do I suppose. Go to resteraunts, movies, watch tv, get coffee, play with dogs, go to the gym, amusement parks. Neither ok of us likes to drink.
> ...


I'll check them out. Thanks.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

thedope said:


> I have pretty much defeated cancer. There maybe a bit left but it is unlikely to grow again. It really wasn't too bad compared to some people I have seen at the hospital. I actually still feel for the children and other people. I needed multiple surgeries one of them 6 hours to remove a fast growing 1.5 pound mass in my neck. Yes, there is a chance it may come back but it's pretty low. It doesn't bother me, as anyone can die at pretty much any moment anyway from various causes. I really don't think the whole cancer thing is related.


I agree with that. I have a type of cancer that only requires monitoring at this point. Cancer generally focuses your attention on the importance of living life to the fullest -- it doesn't make you bored with what used to be exciting. That's a different issue.


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

Do you masterbate outside of those 4 times a month? Use porn?


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## dadstartingover (Oct 23, 2015)

Would be curious to hear your testosterone numbers. All signs point to low test (in my admittedly non-professional medical mind). I know your doc says all is good, but Labcorp has recently lowered the range for what they consider to be "normal" testosterone range... not because science now shows us that a lower level of testosterone is perfectly ok for male function, but rather the average range for the population has gone down.

A total testosterone count of 300 gave me some of the symptoms you talk about. I now have around 1,200 and I'm a new human. Have been on for four years now with no adverse effects. All other markers are same or better.


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