# son's bio dad and I are trying



## debrag (Jul 4, 2013)

My son's bio dad and I are trying to work things out on something.I let my son express himself and I am supportive of him the way he likes to do it.My son is a normal 10 year old boy that likes to wear girls clothing once in a while now called crossdressing.It all started this year and my son came forward to me on this in December.My son's bio dad almost ruined it in January,I set a photoshoot date to have this happen for my son's 10th birthday present.It happened and his bio dad was in an uproar about it.Accusing me of "feminizing" him and I am not,I am letting my son be himself and I have support.My sister Julia and mom are on my side on this telling my son's bio dad on this.My son's bio dad is a loving father when this does not come up.He needs to learn to grow up and let my son be himself.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

I wouldn't even know how to handle this. I'm on your side and want my children to live a happy life of who they are as an individual. My husband and I are on the same page of parenting and don't tell our children what they can like and what they can't like as long as it's not hurting or bullying others. I've seen it before among my children's friends parents, telling them they can't have a certain toy because it's too boyish. It drives me crazy, but of course I don't say anything. These children really rebel and act out to their parents more then normal.

Good luck with this situation. I'm sure there will be great advice given by others. If it were me, I'd stand my ground, but that is who I am.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

My son is 24 now. When he was younger he liked some things that people consider feminine. IT started when he as about 3 or 4. 

When I did my nails he wanted his done sometimes. He asked to be made up a few times. I did it for him if he asked. He told me that it was not fair 'cause girls got to be pretty.

He wanted a baby doll because he said that his dad had a baby (him). So I got him a baby doll. It was called a "water baby" because it was one he could have in the bath tub. Sometimes he's hold the baby doll very lovingly. Then other times it make a great projectile out of his little wheel barrel. .he even would 'drown' it in the bath tub and giggle at how he was being an "evil doer".

His best friend as a girl. He wore some of her outfits a few times. We even went to places like taco bell. He thought it was pretty funny to watch the confused look on people's faces when they saw an obvious boy dressed in pink frilly pants outfit. Of course he also loved to wear his Dracula costume, his devil costume and other... all out to stores and restaurants.

He grew out of this when he was about 11 years old.

Though he and his step-sister used to play Barbie and GI-Joe. they said that Ken was a wimp and obviously she'd prefer BI-Joe. And they often had Barbie dressed in GI' Joe's clothing too... she was apparently in the army.

I'd take them to the store to buy their Barbie's and GI Joe's. Yes both of them had their own Barbies & GI Joes. When my son got to the register he always commented that he was buying the barbies as a b-day present for his cousin.. lol

Then he got into high school and he stopped all that. Today he's a very good looking, 6'4" college senior. All guy. Has plenty of girl friends. He's definitely not gay, or bi, or trans gender, or a cross dresser.

He was just a kid being a kid.

His father did yell and carry on a few times about me turning him into a gay. Hardly.

If your son wants to wear girls clothing once in a while, let him. He might be doing it for attention and shock. And he's certainly getting that isn't he?

When you said that you arranged a photo shoot, do you mean that you scheduled a photo shoot for him in girl's clothing? if that's what you did I think that's going way too far. It's making a record of something that he might not want a record of later on.

IT's one thing to let him experiment and express himself at this young age. It's another to assume that somehow this thing he's doing as a 10 year old defines him and warrants being recorded in a photo shoot.

Perhaps both you and your husband both have a bit of giving to do here.


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

With something like this, it's a huge mistake to encourage and celebrate it, at this age.

Don't necessarily discourage it, but you should let it flow out of your child naturally, and as a parent you should be neutral. Don't define him, let him define himself.

You should also have him spend alot of time with Dad, since it is very possible he is doing this becuase all he sees are women in his life.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Don't say anything when he does it, but hell NO don't schedule a photo shoot for him in girl's clothing. That will confuse the hell out of him, the excitement of the day, he'll confuse it with excitement for being a girl, you're going to mess him up. If he's gay, that's fine. But don't do a photo shoot.


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## Memento (Aug 23, 2012)

Sometimes, I have a feeling that parents stopped acting like parents and started acting like friends, somewhere along the way. They are afraid of telling children "NO".


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## justonelife (Jul 29, 2010)

I agree that you need to stay neutral on this. It needs to come from your son and allow him to feel comfortable doing whatever he wants. If he asked for a photo shoot, then do it. If not, it might confuse him because you are rewarding and encouraging this behavior. Just let him do what comes naturally.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

A 10 year old having a cross dressing photo shoot does NOT need to be allowed. There are some things you just don't have to go along with. Experiencing who you are is one thing; your parent helping you put it out there when you aren't even sure who you are yet is another.

The child brain uses emotion to make decisions; as they age, they start shifting to the logic side of the brain to make decisions, at around 20 to 25. 

Do not push this forward. Imagine the pictures out in FB-land.


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## Memento (Aug 23, 2012)

turnera said:


> A 10 year old having a cross dressing photo shoot does NOT need to be allowed. There are some things you just don't have to go along with. Experiencing who you are is one thing; your parent helping you put it out there when you aren't even sure who you are yet is another.
> 
> The child brain uses emotion to make decisions; as they age, they start shifting to the logic side of the brain to make decisions, at around 20 to 25.
> 
> Do not push this forward. Imagine the pictures out in FB-land.


Imagine if any of his school colleagues see it or know about it? Children can be very cruel!


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## LoveAtDaisys (Jul 3, 2013)

Re-reading the post, it sounds like the OP bought her son a photoshoot for a birthday present. 

In that case, I would have emphasized that the photoshoot was just so he could have a picture of being a big boy in the double digits, not so he could crossdress, and possibly limited him to two or three "girl" outfits.

So he wears girl clothes sometimes at home. That hardly makes him gay. It makes him a kid. It means he's experimenting. Bio-dad should accept his son and love him regardless.

I do want to add this: you may find, OP, that sometime in the near future he will ask to wear his girl clothes to school. I would advise having a talk with him now about that. Tell him you love him regardless and that it doesn't matter what clothes he wears because he is a wonderful person, but that other kids might be mean and call him names.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

I'm sorry, but cross-dressing in public is what ADULTS do. MAYBE high school kids. Ten year olds are not old enough to be able to fully examine the ramifications of doing so and should be protected from themselves. That's what PARENTS do.


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## debrag (Jul 4, 2013)

The photo shoot was expressions of him self dressed right,even a picture with my daughter and I in it .His dad is starting to understand now.I let him dress as his female side and I love him still.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

debrag said:


> My son's bio dad and I are trying to work things out on something.I let my son express himself and I am supportive of him the way he likes to do it.My son is a normal 10 year old boy that likes to wear girls clothing once in a while now called crossdressing.It all started this year and my son came forward to me on this in December.My son's bio dad almost ruined it in January,I set a photoshoot date to have this happen for my son's 10th birthday present.It happened and his bio dad was in an uproar about it.Accusing me of "feminizing" him and I am not,I am letting my son be himself and I have support.My sister Julia and mom are on my side on this telling my son's bio dad on this.My son's bio dad is a loving father when this does not come up.He needs to learn to grow up and let my son be himself.


I woud be livid. I would be very upset if a "photo shoot" were done of a 10 year boy cross dressing.

I hear that you are letting him do what he wants, but clearly he lacks a male role model.

Sorry if this is not PC enough for folks. Being ten is hard enough. Doing something like this is inviting much pain of all sorts and limits his choices as he gets older. No one will forget that he did this.


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## Memento (Aug 23, 2012)

Entropy3000 said:


> I woud be livid. I would be very upset if a "photo shoot" were done of a 10 year boy cross dressing.
> 
> I hear that you are letting him do what he wants, but clearly he lacks a male role model.
> 
> Sorry if this is not PC enough for folks.


:iagree:100%!!


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

debrag said:


> The photo shoot was expressions of him self dressed right,even a picture with my daughter and I in it .His dad is starting to understand now.I let him dress as his female side and I love him still.


Your post makes no sense. Could you please clarify.

What does "The photo shoot was expressions of him self dressed right" mean? Does this mean that he was dressed as a boy or as a girl in the photos?


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

So Dennis the ex boyfriend is father of Dennis the ten year old boy.

Eddie is the ex boyfriend who is the father of the six year old daughter Katlyn.

Now you are divorcing your husband.

I may have this wrong as there may be only two guys but this is confusing.

No wonder the boy is confused. 

I am not bashing as much as I can see a real problem with stability and identify for a boy entering puberty. I would not be so quick to embrace his experimenting and encouraging this. Indeed you can accept the man he becomes but he needs some real guidance here and now. Life is tough enough. Ask yourself if you just flat would prefer to have daughters and that maybe you are struggling with men period. Again, not trying to be mean but this is a lot of turnover of men. Your hubby cheated I believe so you may just be disenchanted with the male gender right now. I get it, but your son is your son.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Your son should be seeing a child psychologist. BEFORE any photo shoot. I can't believe you're doing this to him.


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