# Shall i play him at his own game?



## stupidsucker (Dec 29, 2013)

Have been married for nearly 30 years,i have stood by him through thick and thin.10 years ago he had an affair with much younger tart for two years.our children know nothing of this,i have protected him.stupid ***** that i am.now i have found on his laptop loads of 'ecards' from another woman obviously,and just full on sex cards from him to her. am just deciding wether to let him know that i know he's messing around again,or do i pretend that i am having an affair just to get some reacvtion out of hin and see if he even cares? or should i just divorce his lowlife dirty cheating scummy arse? opinions please!


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

Forget the kind of revenge that springs to mind. It's okay to fantasize about it for a few minutes - but be rational. 

See a divorce atty and become knowledgeable about what to expect in a divorce. 

Do you still want to remain with this serial philanderer? If so, have him served and be cool. After he's served, let him know that he's not acted as the husband you expect and watch his reaction. 

In any case.... don't do any pleading - keep your emotions in check in front of him. Read the 180 and try it out for yourself.


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## SaltInWound (Jan 2, 2013)

Just divorce him. Put your energy into how he will feel when he loses the lifestyle he is used to having at your expense. Have visions of how it will feel to find a real man. Let your scuzband have the single lifestyle he prefers. Stop protecting him. Tell your kids why you are leaving their father.


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

Why stoop to his level and make yourself look bad. It's not worth your while. Just dump him and let him take the hit for his behavior.


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## theroad (Feb 20, 2012)

stupidsucker said:


> Have been married for nearly 30 years,i have stood by him through thick and thin.10 years ago he had an affair with much younger tart for two years.our children know nothing of this,i have protected him.stupid ***** that i am.now i have found on his laptop loads of 'ecards' from another woman obviously,and just full on sex cards from him to her. am just deciding wether to let him know that i know he's messing around again,or do i pretend that i am having an affair just to get some reacvtion out of hin and see if he even cares? or should i just divorce his lowlife dirty cheating scummy arse? opinions please!


You want to handle this the right when then you have to learn how to respond. So get the book Surviving An Affair by Dr Harley.


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## Overthemoon88 (Jan 10, 2013)

walkonmars said:


> *
> In any case.... don't do any pleading - keep your emotions in check in front of him.* Read the 180 and try it out for yourself.


:iagree:


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## melw74 (Dec 12, 2013)

NO, Why would you want to play him at his own game, why lower yourself to his sort of standards, because lets face it, this is no game really.

Divorce him, leave with dignity, and hold your head up high.

He keeps doing this, you stuck by him, but hes still being deceitful. You deserve better.


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## Differentguy (Oct 3, 2013)

stupidsucker said:


> Have been married for nearly 30 years,i have stood by him through thick and thin.10 years ago he had an affair with much younger tart for two years.our children know nothing of this,i have protected him.stupid ***** that i am.now i have found on his laptop loads of 'ecards' from another woman obviously,and just full on sex cards from him to her. am just deciding wether to let him know that i know he's messing around again,or do i pretend that i am having an affair just to get some reacvtion out of hin and see if he even cares? or should i just divorce his lowlife dirty cheating scummy arse? opinions please!


What do you want the outcome to be? Will playing games with him get the outcome you really want? Be adult no matter what. Hold yourself to a higher standard than your husband holds himself.


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## Simply Me (Dec 29, 2013)

Try counseling first. I can tell you that playing games may backfire on you and you may end up looking like the villain that caused the demise of your marriage. Also, the kids may be watching. Be careful!


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## VFW (Oct 24, 2012)

All people make mistakes and deserve a chance at redemption. You gave him that chance once, because you are a good and decent individual. Should you play him at his own game? Should you have a revenge affair, just to show him how bad it hurts to be betrayed? The answer is obviously no. Why not? Because you are not him, you are a good and decent individual. While your children are not kids anymore, you can still use this as a good life lesson for them and all those that they spread the story to over the years.

Consult with an attorney, to determine your legal rights. Secure your financial position and gather all your evidence for disclosure. Get a voice recorder to capture the event, so there will be no question as to what was said. You need a plan for what will happen logistically after the confrontation (who goes where) and execute it without delay. Inform close friends and family about both indiscretions. 

If you change your mind on divorce, that is your decision, but you have to blow up this fantasy world of his or it will never end. Affairs are like fungus, they grow best in the dark and tend to die, when they are exposed to the light of day.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

You want to make the affair as inconvienent and as uncomfortable as possible. Do not give him any ammunition to continue the affair by faking one your self.

Having your old man served with D papers will show you if he really cares or not.


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

Don't play that game.

Gather all the evidence, file for D, and take care of yourself.

Keep this all secret until he is served.


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## ing (Mar 26, 2011)

It is hard to be tough with a man you spent this long with. You both do things for each other unconsciously and automatically and your lives are so interlinked that it may pay you to think about what Divorce will mean for you. I was married 25 years and it is hard to find yourself again.
You need to start detaching though. If you have already found enough evidence to satisfy yourself that he is at least having an Emotional affair then there is no need to further investigate. 

If you are done then tell him this and see if you can split up the assets without a lawyer being involved. It will mean both of you have some money to start again. Lawyers are just a way of depriving the other party of the money. They take it instead.
Just start making a list of all money and all debt. Don't forget retirement funds.

If you want to save your marriage then things are different. 
Do you know what you want to do yet?


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

You have one weapon at your disposal---D/Threat of D---use it

Don't play games, and don't try to make him think you are cheating---that will just lower you to his level

Keep your head up, respect YOURSELF, and move on, w/out his cheating a*s.


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## Gomerpyle (Dec 27, 2013)

Another vote for "no games". Conscientious people are no good at it anyway. We don't have any practice at it and they're experts, so the likelihood of it blowing up in our faces is pretty high.


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## 2yearsago (Jun 28, 2013)

Don't do it. I know you are hurting and you want revenge. Trust me I know how you feel.

My W had an affair 3 years ago. I stupidly allowed it to continue without consequences on/off for 8 months because I wanted to save the marriage. 

When I called the OM's wife and told her about it she knew kinda knew about it but my call also caused all kinds of problems with them. My wife blames ME for causing these problems. Crazy. Anway, the OM's wife made it very very clear to me that she wanted to have a revenge affair with me. I was tempted because of wanting revenge but decided no.

I am very glad I decided no. I can look in the mirror and be proud of the person I am. Don't do it.


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## vellocet (Oct 18, 2013)

Thorburn said:


> Don't play that game.
> 
> Gather all the evidence, file for D, and take care of yourself.
> 
> Keep this all secret until he is served.


Yes, take 1/2 the assets and his retirement and get the hell out of Dodge. Then take a cruise with some friends, maybe a guy "friend", and have fun!


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