# what do I do ?



## beside myself 67 (Jan 6, 2011)

My DW and I have been together for over 12 years and have a child together plus numerous adopted children, well everything was going good then she found an old school pal on Face book Well she hooked up with him (he was having problems) and brought him into our household, well they started staying up we hours of the morning and hanging out day and night, I was left out, so I confronted her about what was going on and she informed me that she was just helping him through a rough time and everything would be fine in a few days well a few days later my preteen and my teenage children were asking why they were hanging out all the time and she told them that she would hang out with him every day all day if she wanted and was mad..

well another week or so went by, still staying up late and hanging out all the time So I confronted her and told her what she was doing was wrong and it was infidelity even if they weren't sleeping together ( we weren't either there was no touching or anything in bed she wouldn't even say goodnight) she says that she is doing nothing wrong, so a few more days go by and she says she wants "space" and seperation for a little bit, she's not sure who she is or whats going on with her right now she then forces me to leave and keeps hanging out with this friend, she keeps telling me that there's something wrong with her and she cant' love me because she doesn't love herself, and she still needs space Well it's been a couple of months and no progress she won't even go to dinner with me to talk.. I asked her if our marriage was over she says she doesn't know because she doesn't know what she is wanting and I said it's a yes or no question and she says at this time No and she is helping me with some bills and a vehicle to drive..and at christmas she was calling me upset saying that she is confused and doesn't know what she wants if she wants me or to be single 

She also has some major medical issues going on and she is pretty young for them.. 

She has lost some close people to her this year and I know that Christmas is her favorite time of year and this year she basicly waited to put up the tree and then barely decorated and waited until last minute to shop.... So I feel something is going on wit her inside, I tell her everyday I love her but she won't tell me back, but says she will always love me... 

I really love this woman and want to be back with my family 

What should I do ???


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## chefmaster (Oct 30, 2010)

I've seen "major medical issues", even without the harsh medications involved, cause someone's outlook on life to change.

I don't know too much about this subject but I would like to paraphrase someone's else's opinion on it that I respect and believe can be effective:

Exposure WORKS, tell everyone.
Suddenly, this wonderful fantasy love they think they have will start to smell like yesterday's garbage (assuming he's not just doing it to get some free sex).

Take swift, decisive, powerful action.
Husbands who wring their hands, profess their love, beg their spouse to remember the past, etc....those guys LOSE their wives because the wives lose all respect for them. -Turnera


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## beside myself 67 (Jan 6, 2011)

Well I talked to the DW today and got a little out of her I don't think there's really anything going on with the friend but maybe he is a helper to her, she came out today and told me that she doesn't want to be close to anyone because she just looses them ( death) and she has RA (rheumatoid arthritis ) and this has made her toes and fingers deformed and she says she is ugly and fat, I think she is very pretty and I told her this and she is just down on herself.. Tells me she can't love no one because she doesn't love herself... I tell her I'm here for her but it doesn't do much is she having a mid life crisis ???

i'm trying to hold her off on a divorce until she's better and knows what she wants is this the right thing to do ??


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