# Loveless marriage--completely broken



## rrb0734 (Oct 31, 2009)

Hello.

This is my first time using this forum. I need to talk--to anyone but can't to my children or family. Next month marks the date of my 10th anniversary with my husband. We have two children. One from a previous marriage of his, she is 18 and a son we had together who is 8. 

It was all wrong from the start, how we met, our foundation, different principles etc. At the time I met him, I was trying to get over a lost love--a man I had loved for years like no other love I have had since. 

We began dating and I did fall in love with my husband, although again, nothing near as strong as what I had before. Our dating experience was OK but lots of ups and down, bad fights etc. During our engagement, I often said I couldn't go through with it. I belive what kept pulling me in was his daugther. She was only 7 at the time and desperately needed a mother. Through all these bad times, we still got married. 

Things were sometimes OK, but I really can't recall a time they were ever GREAT. We had a sone about 1.5 years after our marriage. I was in the hospital for an entire week because I was horribly ill when I had him. My husband was there but even as early as my son being two days old, my husband told me to draw up the divorce papers. 

Throughout the past 10 years, there has been such verbal abuse and name calling. In the early years of marriage, I too would lash out with name calling but over the past several years, have totally changed. I don't get angry anymore, don't yell or curse. I'm just numb. My husband has literally called me every name in the book when he is angry, and has a couple times physically hurt me. My children have seen too much, seen me hurt too much, cry too much. But, they love him as any child loves their father....... That is why I am still here. 

Our sex life is literally non-existent. We are lucky to have sex once every few months. And, when we do have sex, it's just that--sex. There is nothing tender or loving about what takes place--just an act. He doesn't kiss me, touch me.... His health is horrible and he blames everything about our marriage on it. Yet, he does NOTHING to fix any of it. Won't take care of himself. 

My children have commented from time to time about him being grouchy all the time, mean to me, mean to them. I worry so badly about the example he is setting for my son. Yet, I feel like I can't take my son away from him. I could honestly write an entire book on this relationship, but for now, just need to get some of this out there. My daughter graduates from high school this year. I almost feel like my purpose in life, in this whole marriage, was to be a mother to her because her biological mother never was. Now, I feel it's time to move on. I want to leave my husband when she graduates. I am only 37 and don't want this for the rest of my life. I want to experience being in love again, having a healthy relationship. Loving, trusting, friendship, intamacy, and so much more.

Advice?


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Can you support yourself financially? 

If so, why would you stay in this loveless, abusive marriage.






rrb0734 said:


> Hello.
> 
> This is my first time using this forum. I need to talk--to anyone but can't to my children or family. Next month marks the date of my 10th anniversary with my husband. We have two children. One from a previous marriage of his, she is 18 and a son we had together who is 8.
> 
> ...


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