# Mid-Life Crisis Question



## grapegirl (Mar 13, 2011)

Ok, guys that have had a mid-life crisis and lady's that have husband's that have had a mid-life crisis, please explain what this is all about. What are the signs? What are the behaviors? How long does it last? How did you get through it? And I'm not talking about going out and buying a sports car. 

I think my H is having a mid-life and it's messing with our marriage. I am hoping he is just going through a phase because some of his behaviors are not typical for him. 

Confused and need some guidance!


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## Babyheart (Feb 9, 2011)

My husband had an affair with a married woman at work, moved out, and wants no part of responsibility for the kids. Although he gets annoyed when I say that as he thinks giving me $$ every week from his paycheck means he is being responsible...

I am getting thru it by getting on with my life. Who needs that sh!t?


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## grapegirl (Mar 13, 2011)

I'm not there yet thank god!!!

How old is he?


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## Babyheart (Feb 9, 2011)

Only 32, but we've been married for 10 years, have 3 kids, the youngest one has a heart condition so we had a hugely stressful year after he was born & a massive amount of medical debts. 
I think it all contributed to where we are right now.


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## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

grapegirl said:


> I'm not there yet thank god!!!
> 
> How old is he?


get him to have a blood test, check testosterone levels.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

You'll definitely know it when you see it. It's almost as though aliens come down from space and take your real husband. The impostor looks like your husband, but acts 19 again. 

Let's see....where to begin.... When my estranged husband turned 40 the metamorphosis began. He was lovable, caring, dependable, honest, very family oriented, etc. Then, poof, he morphed into "Sugar Daddy". At that point he was selfish, prideful, arrogant, dishonest, unpredictable, and irrational. He began dating plenty of 20 something year old women, spending ungodly amounts of money on them, partying, changing his wardrobe, spending huge sums of money, creating massive amounts of debt, lying like you wouldn't believe (to hide the other items listed), going to concerts, and destroyed a business.

Hope you can get your problem solved before it rages out of control. It can be heart-breaking.


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## OhGeesh (Jan 5, 2010)

^^^^^^^
Ha ha that's too funny!!! As a guy I just find that hillarious the alien part and even your husbands behavior. When I remember it's real and you actually had to live it...it's not too funny anymore!! Best of luck to all of you woman!!

......but as I've stated many times in the past. The 4 divorces that hit close to home were all the woman the **wives** leaving for other men!!

I do know plenty of guys that cheat.....they just haven't been caught yet.


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## Married&Confused (Jan 19, 2011)

i'm not sure every change a guy goes through at that age is a "mid-life crisis".

for me, it was a time that my wife and i had gotten the kids up and out the door. with them gone, i could may a lot of changes that i couldn't before. i bought things that i couldn't afford before and held off buying them for the financial stability of my family.

as for the relationship between my wife and me, once the kids were out of the house, i didn't have to put up with the crap i had for the past 30 years.

if you want that to be called a "mid-life crisis", so be it. for me, it was no where near a "crisis" as it was just getting on with what i wanted to do.


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## grapegirl (Mar 13, 2011)

From what I'm reading, maybe my H isn't going through a mid-life crisis, maybe it's just a change? All of a sudden he's into doing things now that he wants to do before he gets too old. He will be 41 in a few months. He's doing things that will make him feel young or stay young longer. That's why I am hoping this is just a phase and that once he gets this out of his system and is happier with his own life, things will continue to get better between us. We have a 3 yr. old that he absolutely adores and our sex life is better then ever but I have noticed some changes in him.


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## grapegirl (Mar 13, 2011)

Sorry for being so general....

Well some of the things I don't know specifically because I feel like he is keeping some of it a secret. He wants to buy a sports car, befriending and talking to younger girls, even though nothing has happened, he likes the attention (he was never like this before, the attention I gave him was enough), Lying to me so he can continue to do something he knows would hurt me (that is totally out of character for him), he wants to start a home business for fun. He even said he wants to do it now before it's too late. His father died fairly young (64) and I think he is worried that that might happen to him. Does this make sense? Maybe I am reading to much into this?


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

I bought the red sports car, spent a lot of money I shouldn't have, took vacations without him, and wasn't the most attentive parent in the world when my kids were really young. 

He started drinking (is now an alcoholic), blew off work, almost destroyed our business, went into detox/rehab and proceeded to do it all AGAIN 6 weeks later. 

Finally he left and went to live at his deceased father's house. He sits on his porch and drinks and smokes all day and night. Last week he told my son he'd pick him up at 5pm on Friday night. Never showed up and didn't call until Sunday, when he proceeded to yell at ME for not calling HIM. :slap:

So there is a mid life crisis and then there are those who are just F*ucked up. 

I don't know what the pod people did with my husband but I wish they'd come back and pick up this jacka*ss they left me with.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

grapegirl said:


> I feel like he is keeping some of it a secret. He wants to buy a sports car, befriending and talking to younger girls, even though nothing has happened, he likes the attention (he was never like this before, the attention I gave him was enough), Lying to me so he can continue to do something he knows would hurt me (that is totally out of character for him), he wants to start a home business for fun. He even said he wants to do it now before it's too late. His father died fairly young (64) and I think he is worried that that might happen to him. Does this make sense? Maybe I am reading to much into this?


Well IF he hasn't had one yet in life and these are the symptoms you are seeing, I would definitely say this IS his "Mid Life Crisis" ! No doubt. Most everyone has them, but the severity varies. The wanting to feel young again, attention from younger women, this is classic symptoms. 

This is how I feel about these things --cause I feel I have had MINE, It wasn't too awful drastic but that desire to be young again was all consuming for me, doing things we didn't do in our youth, or not enough or not whatever, and if my husband just BRUSHED me off and didnt indulge me in these things I was seeking >> more excitement, concerts, stepping it up in the bedroom, well I think it could have spelled disaster. I NEEDED him to go along with me on this journey, to be there for me, to understand me. 

Now granted, you don't want him having an affair, keeping secrets & all of these things, this is NOT good -or starting a business that you can not afford, you must be realistic, but as far as attention -You step it up for him, LAVISH him , be that hot young girl for him, add some spice in the bedroom, do young things, go parking! Flirt, tease, show him what he has at home, just as HE is changing (and it will just be a phase- always is) change along with him -within reason of coarse!

 IF my husband would have reacted negatively to what I was wanting from him, saying stuff like >>> "I am too old for that, we did this stuff when we was young, are you crazy , get a grip, something is wrong with you, what happend to you, you are driving me crazy, act you age, etc etc" This would have gotten really old for me and it would have separated us. Also if he started judging me, throwing scriptures at me or something like that, when I was just coming into my wildness (for the 1st time in my life), that would have killed us off. These things did not happen, mind you. And I am thankful, we came out of this really well. 

It is good your sex life is happening - keep that going!


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Yep, it sounds as though his mid-life crisis has begun. That's how my estranged husband's began. I wish I had recognized what was going on before it got to the disaster level.

You brought up an interesting point though--about his dad dying at a relatively young age. My estranged husband lost a friend who was only 46 years old. The friend died in his sleep from a massive heart attack. That seem to haunt my husband thereafter.


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

Yep, my father dying of cancer at 66 definitely haunts me and has an effect on my decisions...especially since his marriage and life basically sucked and he was always going on about what he would do "in the future"

Well, he never got to do ANYTHING he wanted to do because of my mother and her craziness. Then he died. He was still WORKING when he got sick! Because of my mother and her literally spending him into bankruptcy. 

I'm glad I have nothing to do with my mother and one reason I make a lot of the decisions I'm making now is because I don't want to be like my dad. You can't always do it "tomorrow" because sometimes there ISN'T a tomorrow.


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## notreadytoquit (Jan 11, 2010)

Well my ex H did all those things 827 described minus the young girls. His affair hoebag is 49, my ex is 43, her ex husband is 43 as well. But the description with the aliens.Based on some of the stuff I found on his laptop, I tend to think that sex played a big role in that relationship. For example I found the lyrics of the song Sex on Fire(Kings of Leon) and another song of Alejandro Sanz called Cuando nadie me ve(when nobody is looking).

He has never complained about our sex life before and I have neither. Heck I don't think I had ever refused having sex with him unless I was sick like a dog or something like that.


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## Halien (Feb 20, 2011)

I guess I more or less went through a mid-life crisis in the last couple of years. Doesn't all have to be bad or destructive. I don't think you forget your moral compass in every case.

I'm 45, the age my father died. In my case, I've worked out consistently since I was 15, but I began to try to prove to myself that I could do the same things as then. Also, I realized that I had been becoming more drab in the way I dressed because my wife is really insecure, so I threw out everything I owned and started buying stuff I really wanted. This made her really insecure -er. The cruel irony is that the change in workouts affected me more than I anticipated. For instance, the too expensive to mention leather long coat I bought in a 48 didn't fit three months later, so I had to buy another in a 54. Same for every shirt and pants. Better believe the wife told everyong about that one. I work in an office, so the clothes ain't cheap.

I began to focus on the dreams that I had shelved. Contributed to a team that was awarded a patent in automotive fuel systems. Always wanted my wife to have a nice car, despite her frugal nature, so I bought her a luxury car and parked it in the place of her minivan during the night. 

Putting humor aside, I began to ask myself if there was a 'me' in my marriage. Not at all suggesting that my wife is selfish, but it seems that our marriage is too often focused on the religion of her mental illness. We both live our lives around her insecurities, depression and bipolar behaviors, and my refusal to let her give in. I'm trying to find an answer to that one. To her, life is an odious task to be completed dark day after dark day. To me, it should be an example of how we turned such a problem into our greatest accomplishment together. Don't think that's gonna happen. That's midlife crisis.


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## Ten_year_hubby (Jun 24, 2010)

grapegirl said:


> Ok, guys that have had a mid-life crisis and lady's that have husband's that have had a mid-life crisis, please explain what this is all about. What are the signs? What are the behaviors? How long does it last? How did you get through it? And I'm not talking about going out and buying a sports car.
> 
> I think my H is having a mid-life and it's messing with our marriage. I am hoping he is just going through a phase because some of his behaviors are not typical for him.
> 
> Confused and need some guidance!


I though I had passed through the mid-life mark and had my crises and managed to avoid the most damaging behavior, but I guess not.

I used to envision myself as being superior to those silly old dudes I see riding around on the weekends in their fancy cars. Just a sad attempt to substitute money and material for their lack of emotional satisfaction. No way that would ever happen to me!

So here I am today. Stuck in an unsatisfying marriage, emotionally abandoned by my wife, too old, too short, too little hair and too many complications to seal the deal with somebody new if I could even find someone eligible.

And I am absolutely obsessed with getting myself a new car. No matter how miserable my day is, I can look in the garage and see something I like. If I'm really feeling bad, I can go tweak or detail some little part and feel good about it. Basically, a new Corvette, garaged and driven a few mile a week appreciates in value at about the same rate as a passbook savings account. I've got the money and I'm going to go but one for myself for delivery around Father's Day. If this is not a mid-life crisis, I don't know what is.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Ten_year_hubby said:


> And I am absolutely obsessed with getting myself a new car. No matter how miserable my day is, I can look in the garage and see something I like. If I'm really feeling bad, I can go tweak or detail some little part and feel good about it. Basically, a new Corvette, garaged and driven a few mile a week appreciates in value at about the same rate as a passbook savings account. I've got the money and I'm going to go but one for myself for delivery around Father's Day. If this is not a mid-life crisis, I don't know what is.


Yeah, that's another male mid-life crisis attribute I left out of my post. Don't know how I forgot this one! A raging male mid-life crisis must have at least one of the following: A sports car, a boat, or a motorcycle (complete with special biking wardrobe). My estranged husband (aka Sugar Daddy) had two of those items. He had a big boat and a motorcycle (including full biker attire).....Must have items for a respectable mid-life crisis.


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## notreadytoquit (Jan 11, 2010)

I would have rather be paying off a car loan than go through divorce. I must have said that million times in the last year.


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

My husband talks about getting a boat. Back before he became a drunk and drained our savings account and wrecked our life I was saving for US to buy a boat! Our dream was to get on and bring it up to Lake George in New York's Adirondacks and go camping several times in the summer. 

Now he's inherited money and he talks about buying the boat, which PISSED me off because I'm working all the time and he does nothing but I've come to the conclusion that he's so F-ed up right now I can't imagine him accomplishing this. 

As for the other things...sports cars, motorcycle..That is MY domain. I had two bright red sports cars. One was a hopped up Mustang that I built myself and raced on road tracks. It was freakin' awesome! The other was a car that I raced and took on road trips. Yes, it pissed off my husband and probably contributed to the downfall of my marriage. It was definitely part of my "mid life crisis". I feel guilty about it and all..BUT..I'm glad I did it. It was a blast!

Then I bought my Jeep and went 4 wheeling with it. Fun, fun. At least I took my daughter with me. It was something we shared together and it functioned as our "second car". In the winter my husband loved taking the Jeep out in snowstorms. We had a lot of fun driving around in blizzards, taking pics and whatnot. 

Well, that ended. Now I'm separated with two kids. My game plan is to EVENTUALLY get a motorcycle. I don't think I'm in "mid life" anymore. I just like high performance machines and a bike is a lot more fuel efficient than a car. Plus, owning a motorcycle enables you to get into a social group and hobby. Bikers are very social people and as my kids get older and leave I want to have something to keep me occupied. I've always been very "hobby oriented". It has nothing to do with mid life or crisis or anything. 

I do a lot of stuff...kayaking, camping, hiking, skiing, snowshoeing, computer games..I just like to DO stuff. I think that's unusual for a lot of women.


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## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

errr, 52 here, I don't have a boat (don't want one) don't have a bike (motor or peddle - don't want one) drive a 1991 Subaru wagon (don't want a new car) not chasing a younger woman (W is 38) So I guess my mental breakdown/meltdown just replaced the midlife crisis :scratchhead:

Mind you, I have started to take better care of myself, but I see that as being part of seeing that it is time to look out for me rather than putting myself / my health second after everyone else.

Started walking a few mile every day a 3 or so months ago, just started doing weights to get some muscle tone back, most likely join a gym sometime soonish, midlife crisis, na.


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## Atholk (Jul 25, 2009)

The husband's mid-life crisis has more to do with the age of his wife reaching the end of her fertile years than anything about him. The male "mid-life crisis" is typically about unconsciously trying to find a younger partner to have additional children with.


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

Atholk said:


> The husband's mid-life crisis has more to do with the age of his wife reaching the end of her fertile years than anything about him. The male "mid-life crisis" is typically about unconsciously trying to find a younger partner to have additional children with.


That's what I have heard also. So in essence, it is inevitable?


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Brennan said:


> That's what I have heard also. So in essence, it is inevitable?


AFEH's book recommendation, "Seasons of a Man's Life" speaks to several normal "transition" periods in adulthood.

The first is adolescent to young adult. Nobody calls that a "crisis", but it most assuredly is


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

I've never had one. I've never felt the need to relive high school. I can't really imagine that trying to impress some sweet young thing would be anything more than pathetic and sad. And those weekender on their Harleys are just funny as all get up to watch "Bad Mo Fo Biker by weekend, 50 year old software project manager by week!" On a $22,000 bike that's so loud you can hear them 3 blocks away.


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## bobby5 (Mar 21, 2011)

Im one of the mid lifers. 42 now. late thirties I started reliving my youth (not affairs, just gaining new interests, doing what i wanted and getting annoyed if told i was past that and had responsibilities.) A few years on and I have paid a very high price for it. Seperated, living alone, very little disposable income after maintenance, beautiful but quite imperfect relationship with my boys and basically this is it. So if ur a man going through a midlife crisis, make it quick and realise a lot of that stuff u never got around to doing was left undone cause u didnt want it then...maybe u dont need it now. ur life is with ur family. dont end up looking back. its aweful.


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## Sparkles422 (Jun 3, 2011)

My H must be having a midlife crisis. After an ED episode, he bought a motorcycle (few days later), dyed moustache, got biker wardrobe complete with red bandana with skull and cross bones, grew moustache to fumanchu length, goes on bike camping trips (2 wks at a clip) for the last 3 months and had a bike accident at 15 mph. But he is 64 yrs old WTF? Is that possible? And yes I don't know who this person is, it's bizarre. And now we are headed toward a divorce. I am 10 yrs younger. But I definitely think he was trying to pick up younger women but he had lost so much weight with this feverish grasping at youth that his brilliant silver bullet studded belt (of course with accompanying silver skulls) was dragging his new bike pants below his hips with its' weight. Alien for sure and I am not liking this substitute.


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

Sparkles422 said:


> My H must be having a midlife crisis. After an ED episode, he bought a motorcycle (few days later), dyed moustache, got biker wardrobe complete with red bandana with skull and cross bones, grew moustache to fumanchu length, goes on bike camping trips (2 wks at a clip) for the last 3 months and had a bike accident at 15 mph. But he is 64 yrs old WTF? Is that possible? And yes I don't know who this person is, it's bizarre. And now we are headed toward a divorce. I am 10 yrs younger. But I definitely think he was trying to pick up younger women but he had lost so much weight with this feverish grasping at youth that his brilliant silver bullet studded belt (of course with accompanying silver skulls) was dragging his new bike pants below his hips with its' weight. Alien for sure and I am not liking this substitute.


Haha!!! I really chuckled at that :rofl::rofl::rofl:

That's an absolute classic. I'm 62 but the most extreme thing I'm doing is hiking with a 40 pound weight on my back. Your H has me beat!

Sorry to hear what you're going through but have you thought about writing a book on it, or a tv series reckon you'd make a fortune.


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

Runs like Dog said:


> I've never had one. I've never felt the need to relive high school. I can't really imagine that trying to impress some sweet young thing would be anything more than pathetic and sad. And those weekender on their Harleys are just funny as all get up to watch "Bad Mo Fo Biker by weekend, 50 year old software project manager by week!" On a $22,000 bike that's so loud you can hear them 3 blocks away.



I'm with you. I'm 43 and rather enjoy the maturing process. I have no desire to relive younger years; however, if I had a mild mid-life crisis, it might have helped my marriage.:scratchhead: I guess I embraced getting older, got a bit boring, and apparently my wife wanted more excitement.


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## sigma1299 (May 26, 2011)

SimplyAmorous said:


> Well IF he hasn't had one yet in life and these are the symptoms you are seeing, I would definitely say this IS his "Mid Life Crisis" ! No doubt. Most everyone has them, but the severity varies. The wanting to feel young again, attention from younger women, this is classic symptoms.
> 
> This is how I feel about these things --cause I feel I have had MINE, It wasn't too awful drastic but that desire to be young again was all consuming for me, doing things we didn't do in our youth, or not enough or not whatever, and if my husband just BRUSHED me off and didnt indulge me in these things I was seeking >> more excitement, concerts, stepping it up in the bedroom, well I think it could have spelled disaster. I NEEDED him to go along with me on this journey, to be there for me, to understand me.
> 
> ...



IMHO this is top notch advice. :iagree:


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

southbound said:


> I'm with you. I'm 43 and rather enjoy the maturing process. I have no desire to relive younger years; however, if I had a mild mid-life crisis, it might have helped my marriage.:scratchhead: I guess I embraced getting older, got a bit boring, and apparently my wife wanted more excitement.


You've still plenty of time for MLC, can hit people in their 50s, the new 40s.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Sparkles422 said:


> My H must be having a midlife crisis. After an ED episode, he bought a motorcycle (few days later), dyed moustache, got biker wardrobe complete with red bandana with skull and cross bones, grew moustache to fumanchu length, goes on bike camping trips (2 wks at a clip) for the last 3 months and had a bike accident at 15 mph. But he is 64 yrs old WTF? Is that possible? And yes I don't know who this person is, it's bizarre. And now we are headed toward a divorce. I am 10 yrs younger. But I definitely think he was trying to pick up younger women but he had lost so much weight with this feverish grasping at youth that his brilliant silver bullet studded belt (of course with accompanying silver skulls) was dragging his new bike pants below his hips with its' weight. Alien for sure and I am not liking this substitute.


Wouldn't it had been easier to get a prescription for Viagra?! I just don't get all of that either. I witnessed the same behavior. Only worse. My estranged husband had a 34 foot boat at the same time (as the motorcycle). That required all kind of nautical paraphernalia to have the "look". Just crazy!


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## MarriedWifeInLove (May 28, 2010)

Mid-Life crisis! No doubt.

But even at his age and with all the motorcycle hoopla - I doubt, unless he's loaded or hung that any 25 year old is going to get the hots for him and that will take him down a peg.

Too bad it had to torpedo your marriage too.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Having said that though, when I was much younger no matter how hard I tried I could not get a speeding ticket on any highway in France. Not a mid life thing just a death wish thing.


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

bobby5 said:


> . So if ur a man going through a midlife crisis, make it quick and realise a lot of that stuff u never got around to doing was left undone cause u didnt want it then...maybe u dont need it now. ur life is with ur family. dont end up looking back. its aweful.


Good point. My wife recently divorced me because she wasn't happy. I supposedly got a little boring. But she never show any energy in the first several years of our marriage. I honestly believe that is the real her. I wonder what will happen when that runs its course.


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## Duke (May 15, 2011)

The whole biker thing confuses me. Everyone at work has one of those G*****n things, with the clothes to go with it. To me it's such a fad it's unbelievable.



Conrad said:


> ...The first is adolescent to young adult. Nobody calls that a "crisis", but it most assuredly is


My wife and I have to keep this in mind, I don't think she's handling the changes in our 14YO son very well.


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## Sparkles422 (Jun 3, 2011)

Oh boy, got home after being out of the house (we are divorcing but we're stuck in the same house, jeeesh fun huh?)i and lo and behold he has a new flag pole that he spray painted black for his motorcycle with a skull and crossbone flag that can be interchanged with an American flag when I guess he feels patriotic. Yes yes I know it is comical and when I am able to stand back I will be howling at these memories. What next? That bike has become his extension? It must be with all of the consistent petting, shining and glamorization. I have never seen this in my life. Does it end or will he get two bikes so he can sandwich, I mean what is going on with this poor man?


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Hmmmm.....any chance it can be "repo'd"?! That's what ended the over the top biker behavior by my estranged husband. What can one do with all of that ridiculous biker attire without the bike, right? Gesh, buy all that stupid crap and not make payments on the bike!


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

I'm having my mid-life crisis right now and would thank the forum not to disturb it with incessant, pedantic psychobabble.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Scannerguard said:


> I'm having my mid-life crisis right now and would thank the forum not to disturb it with incessant, pedantic psychobabble.


Fine. Just remember to make payments on the Harley, so the repo guy doesn't interrupt.


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## amarige (Jun 6, 2011)

I feel your pain. That is almost exactly what happened to my 15 year marriage. When my husband turned 40, a switch was flipped and he turned from loving, Christian, devoted husband and dad to selfish, lying, cheating, wardrobe-changing, dating a girl at MY work, freak! After two years and tears I am finally ready for a divorce. Get a good lawyer and a good counselor; that's how I got through. It's so painful. I wish I would have seen the signs.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

My husband is so calm & even tempered, I think I would enjoy seeing him have a Mid Life Crisis, if it boosted his zeal to do young & exciting things. So long as they wouldn't ruin us financially and he remained faithful, I think it would be a nice challenge to fullfill. 

He is 47, he says he thinks he had one years ago, he had a sadness wash over him about the kids getting older , it lasted a few months, it was so da** mild, I never noticed a thing! 

For him to change into some dude who wants a sports car & chasing young women, honest to God, I just can't ever see it! He is just not the type. If any wildness was secretly lurking, I think with my MLC, we managed to get it all out of his system as well... we visited strip clubs, I let him get lap dances & he got a handful of photos with near naked porn stars. This is pretty WILD for my laid back husband, believe me. He especially loves to show the guys at work these photos.


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## incognitoman (Oct 22, 2009)

Atholk said:


> The husband's mid-life crisis has more to do with the age of his wife reaching the end of her fertile years than anything about him. The male "mid-life crisis" is typically about unconsciously trying to find a younger partner to have additional children with.


Wouldn't this trigger a man early then if say his wife got her tubes tied or had a hysto?

Also why then do men who have been "fixed" still seem to go through the same things?


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## nader (May 4, 2011)

I am 30 and this thread scares the **** out me!


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## lime (Jul 3, 2010)

nader said:


> I am 30 and this thread scares the **** out me!


I'm 21 and I'm scared too!!


For the record, most girls my age and slightly older (myself included) wouldn't ever consider getting serious with anyone that old, no offense to all the men. When it comes to marriage/family, our instinct is to raise kids with someone who won't die before they leave for college... And afterwards, the age gap can make enjoying retirement incredibly difficult. What if the man becomes sick early in life? What if he turns into a grumpy old you-know-what? 

Potential is also a HUGE consideration for lots of people my age. My SO is currently a student, so his income is negative--but he's got a lot of potential to be really successful in life. Someone who has worked a solid, mid-level job in business for 20 years has nowhere near the potential for career growth and success. Even if he does have a solid income, us young ones can afford to take chances still.

And when it comes to casual sex, we generally prefer younger, more virile partners. 

BUT when each partner wants to use the other for a self confidence boost in some form and trade sex for rides in flashy cars, expensive dinners, or nice jewelry, THAT'S when it becomes a possibility. Some girls value money more than others; these are the girls who are likely to fuel a man's mid-life crisis. I actually don't really have a problem with this set-up, so long as both partners are self-aware enough to realize the extend of their interest in each other. 


The 30-somethings I know are interested in marriage and having babies...Maybe not exciting prospects for a middle aged man trying to relive his youth. 

Just my thoughts...


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