# Husband wants to spend money on a dream of his..



## tonytonitone (Apr 10, 2015)

Hi everyone, I'm new here!
My husband and I are not too wealthy. We struggle slightly to pay the bills and I have no money of my own as I am a stay at home mum to our two children.
I recently helped my husband set up a business and he does the practical side while I do everything else, accounts, marketing etc. It's really in it's early days at the moment so we haven't made any money from it yet. He has a stable job which he is planning on leaving soon to work at our business instead.
Despite us really needing to pay for advertising to get any business at all, my husband really wants to spend £1000 on finishing off a music album he spent a few years making.
I feel this is selfish, immature and really bad timing.
He feels it's his dream, completely justified, and that I'm holding him back.
He will always want to be a musician, I can't change that, but I think as he's only just managed to pay off his credit card debt, it's really sad that he now wants to spend another large amount on something that I'm sure won't benefit us at all.
There are so many other things we need that money for, it just feels so selfish that he wants to spend this money on his dream.
Any advice?


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## kristin2349 (Sep 12, 2013)

That is a hard one. It sounds like it is a pretty big sacrifice for your family right now.

Is there any way he can get creative in cutting the cost down? I work in this industry and recording studios are going out of business left and right because it is so easy to do it yourself for almost no money.


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## tonytonitone (Apr 10, 2015)

Yes, I know in the long run, £1000 is not a huge amount but to me, it's a fortune. I have no car, no income, I buy second hand but still he tells me it's too much. Yet when it comes to this, money seems to be no object to him. I suppose because it's his dream.

He's managed to get the album made for free but the studio don't mix the tracks at the end which is the expensive bit. He's been told that by not getting it mixed, it sounds unprofessional. Some contact he's made has said he'll help out with passing it to the right people IF he gets it mixed so that he doesn't look unprofessional.

My reply was that if they like the music, what's the problem but he said that if you present it properly it's more likely to be taken seriously. He also says that it's his life's work and he'd rather it would be finished properly.

If we had more money coming in, I wouldn't mind so much but there's such a long list of things we NEED right now, I can't understand him wanting to do this. To make it worse, his sister's apparently are encouraging him saying 'take a risk' and 'don't let this chance go'!
I'm a lot more pessimistic as I know that in the music industry, it's 90% fakes out there and it's very very hard to make a living in it as an artist, no matter how good you are.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

The timing is bad now. Promise him you'll agree once the new business is successful enough to pay all the bills and you have accumulated twice this amount in savings.


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## kristin2349 (Sep 12, 2013)

I'd put your foot down and squash his dream on this given your description of your finances.

You are right there are a huge amount of phonies and fakes in the business and getting music "to the right people" is not like it used to be. People don't get deals like the kind that used to exist 10 or so years ago. The industry has changed so much it is almost unrecognizable. Making money in it is a challenge even with the backing of a label. 

He has a family and responsibility now. Time to give up the pipe dream.


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

He should not quit his job just yet. And you should be working at a job that brings in money if y'all are that tight. 

Whenever cash income is that slow...... a new business is nice, but there has to be a second (or first) side job that brings in the rent! And that doesn't mean just him....that means you too.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

His last dream was starting a business and so far it hasn't paid off. I figure pursuing one dream at a time is more than enough for those of us who live in the real world. It takes far more than talent to make money playing music. Some of the most accomplished musicians you'll ever hear are waiting tables or driving cabs. A Tennessee state mandolin champion cuts my hair. If his music is good enough to support a family by selling recordings, someone in the business would surely pay him to record it. Why don't he post a few samples on You Tube? Would hardly cost anything and if he's as hot as he thinks he is, he'll get lots of responses from it. If it gets enough attention, he'll get approached by a recording agent who won't be asking him for money. I suggest he hang on to his real job until he's clearly and consistently making real money elsewhere.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

He has a startup business that is only costing you money.

He's talking about quiting his job.

He wants to spend a good sum of money to so that some guy he met will get his much to the right people. I've seen this go down before. It does no where.

Your husband has a family to support.

You might want to seriously consider getting a job y yourself. Someone will need to support you and your children. Just do not become his support while he chases pipe dreams.


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## DoneWithHurting (Feb 4, 2015)

He is delusional.
He will not make one cent selling his album.
I know. I've been in the music biz for decades.
Sorry.


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## BrutalHonesty (Apr 5, 2015)

You are british correct? Looking at the average stats for income in Britain it seems that if 1000£ is that much of a deal you are not making nearly enough to keep up with the costs. 

In order to understand if these 1000£ are a good investment you must ask yourself if your husband is good enough to make it. Because if you are this unsupportive of the idea you probably have serious doubts about his ability to make it big. 

You are also talking about selfishness. But have you considered that what is driving this guy to do these things is his family? Do you know what drives a man? Do you know why he wants to get rich? Do you know what can take a married man to risk it?

If he was "selfish" as you put it, why would he allow you to stay at home with the kids while he takes the full brunt of the responsibility to make an income to support you all? 

For christ sakes, you are here talking about how selfish a guy is, when he is the one working his ass off to pay for the food you eat, the roof over your head, the clothes you wear...

Exactly where is the selfish part in all of this? That he wants to spend the british average of two weeks of salary in something that has a possibility of changing your lives? That he is starting a business that is surely making him work extra-time beyond his present job?

To be honest, how old are the kids and why aren't you finding some sort of way that you can contribute to the household's income, if money is this tight? Why isn't your husband the one here complaining about how you're selfish for not having the initiative of offering this to the family?

Is this the 50s? Are you disabled in some way?

Please help me understand the low level of respect you have for your husband and the level of entitlement i'm feeling about you that makes you drag your husband through the mud like he is some sort of deadbeat who is not matching up to your standards. 

He isn't trying hard enough? Are you? 

Are you telling me you can't, for the life of you, make 1000£ to give to your husband for a one time attempt at changing your lives? I'm pretty sure i could make that amount of money in less than a month doing the most basic economic activity you can think of. 

Start a work from home situation. Sell handmade stuff using facebook as advertizing. Freaking bake cakes and sell it from home to your neighbours, buys flowers and sell them near romantic restaurants to the poor bastards who are lining up for the ball and chain whose wives are going to complain about how they aren't making enough money while they themselves do little to nothing about supporting themselves.


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## Sandie (Mar 31, 2015)

DoneWithHurting said:


> He is delusional.
> He will not make one cent selling his album.
> I know. I've been in the music biz for decades.
> Sorry.


How can you say that if you never even heard it?


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## Hopeful Cynic (Apr 27, 2014)

Tell him that the first 1000 from the business can go to his music album recording, provided he doesn't quit his stable job.

If his sisters are so encouraging, they can give him the money.


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## DoneWithHurting (Feb 4, 2015)

Sandie said:


> How can you say that if you never even heard it?


I don't care how good it is. If he doesn't have the power of a Disney (or other huge entertainment company) behind him he will get nowhere. Trust me. Its delusional. Its a fantasy that will never be.

Sorry to burst the bubble. It ain't gonna happen.
I've seen it over and over and over again.

I've seen and heard amazing talent. Got nowhere.

Now if he is 16 years old, has a close relative who is already a well known name and has big bucks, maybe, and that is a very small maybe, he may get somewhere.

Where are all the top 10 winners of American Idol? Singing in lounges for tips wondering what happened? I know.

I met with Randy Jackson for a music deal. He loved the work. He wanted to do it. Know what happened? Nothing. The bucks weren't there. You know how often that happens? constantly.

If your husband is really really good, I feel really really bad for him. He ain't gonna "make it".

And in the process, you'll get divorced.


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## optimalprimus (Feb 4, 2015)

i think you would be righr to insist He focuses on providing security for his family, not pursuing his dreams plural. 

No album right now, and no quitting the job until the business is making good money consistently.

Has he been responsible with the family money before?


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Sort of sounds like you are being financially abused. What he earns is shared money, not just his and if he is going off at you even if you are buying secondhand things then you have a problem. 

As for the music thing youtube is free and it is where many up and coming musicians are now making their break. If he is any good at what he does then he can make it regardless of the finished product being polished or not. 

Sounds like a slow moving train wreck in the making.


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## sockie (Apr 20, 2015)

Don't do it! I was in the same position as you, genders reversed. 

Wife was a spender. Plug it up now or it gets worse.


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## Jeffyboy (Apr 7, 2015)

Tell him when the business makes X amount consistently, he can do it. Priorities and long term gratification!


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