# Can single men & women be friends?



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

It's an age-old question.

There was another thread here that got me thinking about this.
I know most are married on TAM but this topic is about single folks.

I was reading literature on the Internet (where everything is TRUE lol) and saw a lot of differing opinions on this matter.

So... what do you think personally? *Can single men and women be friends* w/o there being a sexual component, attraction, etc? 

I wonder if men & women view this differently.

Have at it!


----------



## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

I have had a few male friends without sex.

I have had some male friends where there was weird sexual tension so we got rid of that  ...and then stayed friends.


----------



## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

I think so. Not every single man/woman are attracted to one another. Sometimes it can be like having a brother/sister type relationship. I've had that before. 

Funny you brought this up. I was just talking last night to a guy I've been friends with for about 12 years. He's single, we have a kind of brother sister type relationship. My hubby met him and they hit it off too. We're just good friends, nothing more.


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Which brings me to the question: are most single men attracted to their female friends? It's said men are more sexual, etc. than woman so I've wondered this about my guy friends now.


----------



## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

Oh and about my friend... INITIALLY he asked me out and I was in a relationship, so I turned him down. He respected that. Maybe he still 'likes' me in that way, but he's never crossed the line in all these years.


----------



## ShawnD (Apr 2, 2012)

Jellybeans said:


> Which brings me to the question: are most single men attracted to their female friends? It's said men are more sexual, etc. than woman so I've wondered this about my guy friends now.


I'm attracted to all of my female friends and they know that. Only crazy women seem to have a problem with it.


----------



## Kathrynthegreat (Apr 23, 2012)

I'd think it would be weird though. To be a single woman with a single male friend that you knew was attracted to you. Awkward.


----------



## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

There is hardly a true long-lasting friendship between a single woman and a single man. 
Both parties evaluate if they can be more than friends and if they think it can't work then in their minds and conscience they secretly agree to remain friends.


----------



## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

*Dean* said:


> A lot of men that find a girl (that is a friend) attractive, never lose that feeling even if they
> both agree to just remain friends.
> He always is attracted to her. It can even get stronger.
> 
> ...


The friend I have has never come across this way to me, and he's been around long enough to weather my divorce and remarriage. He had plenty of opportunities to approach me, but he didn't. I don't consider him a threat to my marriage, and neither does my husband.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

If I say no then I lose half my friends. :-o
Of course my guy friends are attracted to me.
They also know that I am in charge of my sexuality, so the answer will be no, until and unless it becomes yes, and then I would have to let them know that there has been a change. It's ridiculous to cut yourself off from other genders, whatever they may be. I don't think there are so many people on earth that you are supposed to learn and grow from a relationship with one individual of the opposite sex. Also, what do you do with friends who are transgender or homosexual or undecided or neutered in some way such as they are monks, etc. Nope, can't see myself learning from only 1/2 of the remaining population after I have chosen an intimate emotional/spiritual/physical partner. I think that would be very short-sighted...so I am not supposed to have any meaningful personal conversation with any opposite sex members of my Quaker Meeting/Community, with colleagues or fellow students, with people who might enjoy rock climbing, dancing cycling with me, or just having a conversation or perhaps watching sports and passing time together? If I had a ban on opposite sex friendships I would not be able to manage as my partner is in rehabilitation after brain surgery (life saving) so guess who is taking care of me during this time? My guy friends for the most part...I have a lot of non-dates. :-o Sure they are attracted to me, they also know I am crazy about my guy.


----------



## allthegoodnamesaregone (Nov 18, 2011)

No, not from a guy's point of view. There is always an undercurrent of "Maybe". Some Beta guys can be "friends" for years and you'd never know it. They wait like hyenas , waiting for a weak moment.


----------



## ScaredandUnsure (Nov 17, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> It's an age-old question.
> 
> There was another thread here that got me thinking about this.
> I know most are married on TAM but this topic is about single folks.
> ...


IMO yes, I have guys I have been friends with for over 15+ years, and never had sex with them. The attraction wasn't there for any involved. I've camped out on the floor with these guys, drunk as a skunk and nothing ever happened. They are good friends. If they ever had any sexual desires for me, it was never brought up, acted on or even hinted.


----------



## allthegoodnamesaregone (Nov 18, 2011)

ScaredandUnsure said:


> IMO yes, I have guys I have been friends with for over 15+ years, and never had sex with them. The attraction wasn't there for any involved. I've camped out on the floor with these guys, drunk as a skunk and nothing ever happened. They are good friends. If they ever had any sexual desires for me, it was never brought up, acted on or even hinted.


How do you know this to be true? There's women I've known for years I never made any advances to that I'd bonk in a heartbeat now I'm on my way to being single again. I'm telling you there isn't a man with working testicles that can be "your friend" in the platonic sense unless he finds you physically unattractive or totally/morally unavailable.


----------



## Jeff/BC (Apr 1, 2012)

Jellybeans said:


> *Can single men and women be friends*


*
As is always true with questions which span 7 billion people, my answer is "it depends".

In my personal experience, some people see people of the opposite gender as people. Others see them as sexual targets. The folks in the first group can and do maintain friendships. The people in the second group do not.

edited to answer the secondary question
My female friends span all different types. Some of them are attractive to me. Others are not. Since I'm not evaluating either camp as a possible mate, it makes no difference one way or the other.*


----------



## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

From a female point of view I've had plenty of male friends and like homemaker said I'm sure they were attracted to me but that wasn't an option so it was a nonissue.


----------



## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

This seems to be a hot topic these days...

IMHO, over the course of my life, my views on being friends with males has definitely changed. After marriage, it changed even more. In my experience, nearly all of my male friends have desired something more, whether they ever tried it or not. 

One thing I do notice are the many posts from people who are having problems with their SOs op/sex friendship. The replies to those threads seem to indicate a high level of displeasure with the frienships, with a few replies mixed in from people who have no problems with male/female friendships. 

Outside of TAM it's a different story. I often read Annie's Mailbox (formerly Ann Landers) and the advice given there often admonishes the 'jealous' or 'controlling' spouse who won't allow his/her husband/wife to have 'friends'. Among the people I work with, these same types of friendships are no problem...even my own husband didn't see the issue with female friends.

Who knows, maybe it's just us...


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

allthegoodnamesaregone said:


> No, not from a guy's point of view. There is always an undercurrent of "Maybe". Some Beta guys can be "friends" for years and you'd never know it. They wait like hyenas , waiting for a weak moment.


Well, if your spouse dies, then a lot of work has been spared, you know who you might be compatible with. Hate to say it, but even if marriages last forever, people don't, and that's a fact. I think a lot of people might change their mind as they approach the age where their friends die, or worse, almost die and then don't fully recover to a point where they can participate in a relationship, which might be my situation, or not. It would be shooting myself in the foot to not have friends of the opposite sex who know my situation and are supportive. You learn a lot about opposite gender people by having friendships with them, such as, which ones can be friends with women and not mess around with them or push established boundaries...any one of my guy friends, I have inside knowledge of how they behave with women. If they didn't behave, I'd drop them as friends. 

My guy was a friend to me prior to me getting divorced. We never crossed boundaries, when I was recently separated we went out for things like casual spur of the moment ice cream and drink (tonic water for me) dates. We didn't kiss, we didn't hold hands, we talked about stuff, opinions, past-times, work, volunteer stuff, etc. When my husband wanted a second chance, I introduced my friend to my husband as the friend that he was. When I ran into my friend one day in my town, my husband accused me of setting up the meeting. That clued me in to how my husband behaved with women he 'happened' to run into, it was probably a set up...probably is a bit weak. Yes, he was seeing other women. Now my friend, I knew him to be respectful of marriages and of women who were newly single or somewhere in between. He told me later when we became a couple that it hurt to step back and give my husband a second chance, however it gave him an opportunity to see for himself how loyal I was, and that was something that when he had a chance to have that for himself, he was more than willing to take it, and treasure it. 

There is no use in keeping opposite gender people completely on the other side of one's fence. How they behave when granted access to your back yard is valuable information, you can always give someone the boot if they are not respectful of partnerships/marriages. And they would deserve it. So no big loss.

Another thing is that if they are attracted to you they communicate that respectfully, like talking about clothing or complimenting you on a new hairstyle or just saying that you look beautiful and giving you the opportunity to tell them that yes, you made an effort to contribute to the scenery. 

My friends and I create the type of community we would like to have, and we don't worry what anyone would say about it. If someone does comment, then it's an opportunity to show them how we manage things. Quite honestly, I'm not sure I can say that if my guy is in rehab for a very long time, I wouldn't say no to a friends with benefits situation. Right now I know I would say no, because I have said no, and deflected those people. But will I always say no? I'm not sure, but I do know I would discuss it with my partner, because who knows, things might change for him or there might be some kind of arrangement that could be made at his rehab facility. Right now I am real sure he is off limits. I do know that I trust myself and I'm not going to do anything stupid. But I'm not going to just follow someone's set of rules about what they think I should be doing. I'm going to do what feels right. That's different from what feels physically good, although in my opinion, something is not going to feel physically good unless it also feels right. And it needs to feel right for the partnership, not just for one person. Otherwise, you don't have a partnership and you might as well just do whatever you want because you're just screwing around with people's lives, not sharing them.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

I have to be completely honest and say here as a woman that if I know I am looking good and a male friend doesn't comment on it, I get a little upset  I'm accustomed, from even grade school, to compliments when I make an effort, so when I make an effort, I like my guy friends to give me feedback. My friend gave me a wet suit, it was a size small, he got it at a yardsale, I was the first person to fit into it and everyone in the kayak club there that day (my guy's friends) said I was most definitely a wetsuit babe. lol. But nobody touches a guy's woman when he is in the hospital and rehab, you can feed her, compliment her, take her out on the river...do all the things your guy friend would do for her if he was there...everything to keep her from feeling in the dumps...and her head above water...but nope, you don't make a move. It's like a code of honor. Nobody would want to be 'that guy' and have to answer up. Now if people don't belong to a community, and have random friends who are unaccounted for and on the fringes, that is a situation that can lead to trouble. Communities and their constructs are important elements of boundary setting.


----------



## ScaredandUnsure (Nov 17, 2011)

allthegoodnamesaregone said:


> How do you know this to be true? There's women I've known for years I never made any advances to that I'd bonk in a heartbeat now I'm on my way to being single again. I'm telling you there isn't a man with working testicles that can be "your friend" in the platonic sense unless he finds you physically unattractive or totally/morally unavailable.


Well since I can't mind read, I don't know 100% for sure that my male friends never found me attractive or wanted to have sex with me. From my point, I was never attracted to them and didn't care if they were attracted to me at any point. They never showed it or acted on it. I would think that if they had thought of me in a "I gotta get in her pants" type of way, they would of shown some sort of interest? 

To this day, I'm still friends with them, we still invite each other to housewarmings/birthdays/backyard BBQ's. It never has and never will bother me that they've never been attracted to me or me to them. They are friends, period.


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

*Dean* said:


> You know this already but men have sex on the brain all the time
> (more when we are younger).
> 
> When I was single, I had a few female friends.
> ...





allthegoodnamesaregone said:


> No, not from a guy's point of view. There is always an undercurrent of "Maybe". Some Beta guys can be "friends" for years and you'd never know it. They wait like hyenas , waiting for a weak moment.


This kind of fits what I saw online. There were manymen saying that two singles men/women can't be "just friends" whereas almost all the women were saying yes they could. 

Idk. I think single men and women can be friends. I do think that in some of those friendships 1 or the other many develop an attraction, but not always.



CandieGirl said:


> Among the people I work with, these same types of friendships are no problem...even my own husband didn't see the issue with female friends.
> 
> Who knows, maybe it's just us...


Well I was asking about singles, not marrieds. I think there is a huge difference. When you're married/partnered, the boundaries should be STEALTH with opposite sex people. 

I do love the name of that advice column--Annie's Mailbox. Gonna have to check it out.


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

This thread also got me thinking because I recently ran into one of my friend from school days (like eons ago) who said that I'd "always been hot/pretty." He had never said anything like that to me before so it got me wondering about men. This is a guy I've known forever.

I know men think about sex a lot and then it got me thinking if dudes think about boffing their gal pal friends when single.


----------



## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

Jellybeans said:


> This thread also got me thinking because I recently ran into one of my friend from school days (like eons ago) who said that I'd "always been hot/pretty." He had never said anything like that to me before so it got me wondering about men. This is a guy I've known forever.
> 
> I know men think about sex a lot and then it got me thinking if dudes think about boffing their gal pal friends when single.


Enjoy the compliment!

And yes - more often than not - we are thinking about boffing.

I've never even seen you and I'm thinking about it right now!



I think as Singles - we can all be friends. You've taken away the moral dilemma. If it slips into something more, who cares?

As Marrieds? I used to believe firmly that men and women could be friends when married. Now - I'm not so sure.


----------



## CLucas976 (Jun 27, 2010)

well from my experience, I can handle it just fine. My guy friends seem to be able to handle it just fine too.

As long as no one makes a move, I could really care less if they think I'm hot. I seem to develop a big brother/little sister friendship anyways, and spend a lot of time talking like a guy would with them. -shrug-

Most of my buddies and I fart, belch, drink beer, and talk about chicks occasionally guys, but that has to happen at a secure moment in their manhood..we discuss brutal music and porn too.

I could just be turning a blind eye, but I have had issues with guys thinking they'd get more and they're completely out of the picture if they can't take a hint. With respect to a spouse, I usually dwindle out my guy friends, or only interact with other males when said spouse is around or is comfortable with it, but like I said i think its extremely possible.


----------



## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

I dunno. I know that for MYSELF, if I was to become friends with a guy NOW it would be because I'm attracted to him. So I wouldn't do that to myself or my husband or my marriage.

I don't hang out with men to start book clubs.

Now, I have friends from when I was single, that are male, and were not sexual partners. The friends I was sexual with are no longer friends. No bad feelings, just not appropriate.

When I was single, I had MOSTLY male friends. Some became FWB over the years and some remained just friends. They had Gfs or bfs or whatever.


----------



## CLucas976 (Jun 27, 2010)

I don't hang out with men to start book clubs.


this just made me laugh, I think maybe one of my buddies reads lol.

I usually just enjoy the lack of drama or ***** festing going on with my guy friends. I love my girls, but it gets stressful and overwhelming sometimes and its nice to sit back have a beer and talk about brutal music and violent movies :\


----------



## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

CLucas976 said:


> I don't hang out with men to start book clubs.
> 
> 
> this just made me laugh, I think maybe one of my buddies reads lol.
> ...


HA! I have 3 best gfs. They all can sit back with a beer and talk about brutal music and violent movies.

I'm not a girlie girl when it comes to conversation.


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

*Dean* said:


> Many young men have a hard time with rejection.
> So they don't show an interest until they are 100% sure the girl likes them.
> 
> Some older men are like that too. They hide their feelings and desire.


Gotcha but I didn't do anything to say/show I was interested. So while I was flattered, I thought, Who knew he thought this about me? 



nice777guy said:


> I've never even seen you and I'm thinking about it right now!


Nerd. Lol. 



that_girl said:


> I don't hang out with men to start book clubs.


Why not? 

Kidding.


----------



## CLucas976 (Jun 27, 2010)

that_girl said:


> HA! I have 3 best gfs. They all can sit back with a beer and talk about brutal music and violent movies.
> 
> I'm not a girlie girl when it comes to conversation.


lol, you're lucky, it's hard to find females who'll dude, man, bro, word their way through a conversation  That's why I have my bros.


----------



## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Werd.


----------



## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

Jellybeans said:


> Gotcha but I didn't do anything to say/show I was interested. So while I was flattered, I thought, Who knew he thought this about me?


Enjoy the compliment. You should feel flattered!

We may have dirty minds, but many of us are still very shy and hesitant to give a woman a compliment. 

Most of us - when when do say something - we mean it.


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

TG--it sounds like your girlfriends would get along with mine.  

We could start a Violent Book Club. (And meet up when we're all PMSing).  Haha.



*Dean* said:


> Jelly,
> 
> I would think that your ready to start having a man take you out for lunch,
> even enjoy going to an afternoon movie.
> ...


Maybe I'll have to try that. I am just now getting to the point where I'm receptive to hanging with dudes. 



nice777guy said:


> Enjoy the compliment. You should feel flattered!


I did. And I do. 



nice777guy said:


> Most of us - when when do say something - we mean it.


Noted.


----------



## ShawnD (Apr 2, 2012)

Jellybeans said:


> This kind of fits what I saw online. There were manymen saying that two singles men/women can't be "just friends" whereas almost all the women were saying yes they could.


I've come to the opposite conclusions. I like the idea of having women as friends because it's easier to talk to people I'm attracted to, but women around me just can't deal with it. I know about 4 women who have successfully managed to keep men as friends. 3 of them are lesbians and 1 is a single mom.


----------



## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> Well, if your spouse dies, then a lot of work has been spared, you know who you might be compatible with. Hate to say it, but even if marriages last forever, people don't, and that's a fact. I think a lot of people might change their mind as they approach the age where their friends die, or worse, almost die and then don't fully recover to a point where they can participate in a relationship, which might be my situation, or not. It would be shooting myself in the foot to not have friends of the opposite sex who know my situation and are supportive. You learn a lot about opposite gender people by having friendships with them, such as, which ones can be friends with women and not mess around with them or push established boundaries...any one of my guy friends, I have inside knowledge of how they behave with women. If they didn't behave, I'd drop them as friends.
> 
> My guy was a friend to me prior to me getting divorced. We never crossed boundaries, when I was recently separated we went out for things like casual spur of the moment ice cream and drink (tonic water for me) dates. We didn't kiss, we didn't hold hands, we talked about stuff, opinions, past-times, work, volunteer stuff, etc. When my husband wanted a second chance, I introduced my friend to my husband as the friend that he was. When I ran into my friend one day in my town, my husband accused me of setting up the meeting. That clued me in to how my husband behaved with women he 'happened' to run into, it was probably a set up...probably is a bit weak. Yes, he was seeing other women. Now my friend, I knew him to be respectful of marriages and of women who were newly single or somewhere in between. He told me later when we became a couple that it hurt to step back and give my husband a second chance, however it gave him an opportunity to see for himself how loyal I was, and that was something that when he had a chance to have that for himself, he was more than willing to take it, and treasure it.


Intereseting perspective to add to this topic that I have not seen from others. I thinks this works both ways in the discussion. Good stuff.


----------



## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

*Dean* said:


> A lot of men that find a girl (that is a friend) attractive, never lose that feeling even if they
> both agree to just remain friends.
> He always is attracted to her. It can even get stronger.
> 
> ...


I perfectly I understand your point and I agree with this, but I still remain to my idea that not all men are the same.


----------



## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

*Dean* said:


> All woman say that their man is different. Not like other men.
> 
> 
> In general, I would agree with you that some small percentage of men are different.


I wouldn't say my man is different. In my previous relationship I used to always tell my ex 'Oh, you're just like other men' because I was conscious that he was not different. 
So, not every woman thinks her man is different. I'm sure even when someone is blinded by love, they are able to tell if their partner stands out or not. 
At least, I was able to tell it.


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Word to the wise Lovely, most women do think ther man is different. Otherwise they wouldnt be with him. Anyway, back on topic.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

lovelygirl said:


> I wouldn't say my man is different. In my previous relationship I used to always tell my ex 'Oh, you're just like other men' because I was conscious that he was not different.
> So, not every woman thinks her man is different. I'm sure even when someone is blinded by love, they are able to tell if their partner stands out or not.
> At least, I was able to tell it.


Men are different about a great many things. They are like snowflakes ... they are unique but still all melt in your mouth .... err hands ... I mean they can be different in many ways but all still find women attractive.

Ummmm anyway. Men have different character and personalities. That said, one big variant is how much testosterone they have going for them. So just beacuse a man has character and control do not assume he would not love to be inside you if the conditions were right. If he is married he should not dwell on this of course. He needs to repress such urges and not put himself in a risky situation with you. He can legitimatlely like you as a friend. But love feelings can be confusing. So while he likes you as a friend he can still be stimulated by you. 

So a man with less testosterone can probably handle this friend zone thing better all else equal. And I guess then this friend zone guy having less testosterone may be easier for you to ignore ... I mean like as a friend.


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Entropy3000 said:


> So just beacuse a man has character and control do not assume he would not love to be inside you if the conditions were right.


You mean like, if you said "ok"


----------



## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

Sure they can. Singles of opposite sex can be friends.

I became a close friend of a female in my teens. She was a few years older than me. We had a lot in common, backgrounds, music, activities. I never thought about hitting on her, maybe because she was older. Now I see it as a older sister relationship. She and her girlfriends used myself and my friends as escorts when they went out to clubs. We didn't mind, we got into 21 and older places. 

When we met, my gf/wife had a problem with the idea of it. But she was a true friend and befriended my wife. They formed a closer bond together, than I had. Now she and her husband live over a 1000 miles away. And 40 years later, we still think of her as our closes confident. 

And I am in no way a 'beta male' lol. So I vote yes.


----------



## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

I am reminded of this song from my younger days.

"Mr. Soul --excerpt"

I was down on a frown
when the messenger
brought me a letter
I was raised by the praise
of a fan
who said I upset her
*Any girl in the world
could have easily
known me better*
She said, You're strange,
but don't change,
and I let her.


Not all guys are this way. But more than you think. I reached a point where I wanted more out of life.

But of course men and women CAN be friends without having sex. But there is always some level of sexual tension. Maybe low for some. I have had many female friends. In my single days I probably would not have turned any of them down. I mean we were friends. Why not? I just did not pursue them. A few decided to make that decision for me.


----------



## Love Song (Jan 16, 2012)

Jellybeans said:


> It's an age-old question.
> 
> There was another thread here that got me thinking about this.
> I know most are married on TAM but this topic is about single folks.
> ...



Yes it is possible. I think there's a difference between acknowledging that someone is attractive and letting your mind go to a sexual place.


----------



## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> This thread also got me thinking because *I recently ran into one of my friend from school days (like eons ago) who said that I'd "always been hot/pretty." He had never said anything like that to me before* so it got me wondering about men. This is a guy I've known forever.
> 
> I know men think about sex a lot and then it got me thinking if dudes think about boffing their gal pal friends when single.


Ah, if I had a dime for every man who said to single CandieGirl "You know, I've always had a thing for you/thought you were hot/wanted to go out with you..."

 Just goes to show they've just been waiting for their chance...at least they waited until I was single! Not that I'm the first one to mention that these guy friends lie in wait...


----------



## PrincessMarie (Feb 22, 2012)

Ever watched When Harry Met Sally? The answer is no and I knew that before I watched that movie. You can never have males and females be friends without sexual tension. It's impossible, even if they say they've stopped, they're lying through their teeth. I've tried this once or twice to prove my point and I was right. Don't be friends, you'll only hurt your partner.


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

PrincessMarie said:


> Don't be friends, you'll only hurt your partner.


This isn't about married people/couples. It's a thread I posted about single people.

But yes I have seen the bit in Harry/Sally and it def played a part into why I posted the thread at all cause it got me wondering.

Candie--I love your new avatar


----------



## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

Why would it matter if you are both single?


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

CandieGirl said:


> Ah, if I had a dime for every man who said to single CandieGirl "You know, I've always had a thing for you/thought you were hot/wanted to go out with you..."
> 
> Just goes to show they've just been waiting for their chance...at least they waited until I was single! Not that I'm the first one to mention that these guy friends lie in wait...


Shocking.

Simply shocking.

Pick-Up-Artist books actually speak of how you can get out of the "friendzone" and warm her up sexually.

Of course, guys just want to be "friends".


----------



## ShawnD (Apr 2, 2012)

nice777guy said:


> Why would it matter if you are both single?


Men get lonely faster than women and this radically changes their behaviour.
I know exactly 0 men who choose to be single.
100% of the single women I know are single by choice.

It's a lot easier for a guy to comfortably stay in the friend zone if he already has a girlfriend.


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Nope. Plenty of men and women alike get dumped on a daily basis...where the decision to end the relationship wasn't their choice.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

ShawnD said:


> Men get lonely faster than women and this radically changes their behaviour.
> I know exactly 0 men who choose to be single.
> 100% of the single women I know are single by choice.
> 
> *It's a lot easier for a guy to comfortably stay in the friend zone if he already has a girlfriend.*


Agreed.


----------



## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

ShawnD said:


> Men get lonely faster than women and this radically changes their behaviour.
> I know exactly 0 men who choose to be single.
> 100% of the single women I know are single by choice.
> 
> It's a lot easier for a guy to comfortably stay in the friend zone if he already has a girlfriend.


Especially if the girlfriend puts the kibosh on the friend thing. I know I would. Any boyfriend of mine with 'friends', was up to no good.

Another member put it quite eloquently, when she told her BF that he could have his friend; but that she'd be off to find a man who would be her boyfriend, and not put another woman ahead of her.


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

nice777guy said:


> Why would it matter if you are both single?


Well, dude, if you look at the title of my thread...it was a question about singles. LOL. 

It keeps getting derailed though to where people are talking about couples/partnered people. That wasn't the point of my thread. 

Lol.


----------



## allthegoodnamesaregone (Nov 18, 2011)

Okay, with singles, it's the same. 92.6 % of guys with functioning testicles think about sex with a single woman who is a friend, the other 7.4% are compulsive liars ;~) The only caveat to that is if she's very unattractive.


----------



## Jeff/BC (Apr 1, 2012)

Jellybeans said:


> I know men think about sex a lot and then it got me thinking if dudes think about boffing their gal pal friends when single.


And again, I cannot speak for "men", only myself. The answer is a "sort of". All of my lovers have always come from my circle of friends. So if I was actually looking for a mate, that's where she'd come from. So obviously, for ONE of the women in my circle of friends I would be thinking about sex with her. That woman would need to be available and interested before the sex thoughts would start.


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Jeff/BC said:


> All of my lovers have always come from my circle of friends.


That's interesting. 

My dxH and I were never "friends." We just started dating and that was it. Lol.


----------



## Jeff/BC (Apr 1, 2012)

Jellybeans said:


> That's interesting.


Conventional wisdom is, of course, don't have sex with your friends. To me that has always seemed like lunacy. Any wife of mine would also need to be my best friend. It seems to me I'm most likely to find her among my circle of friends. I also generally have a substantive circle of female friends so again, it makes sense I'd be looking there first.


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Jeff/BC said:


> Conventional wisdom is, of course, don't have sex with your friends. To me that has always seemed like lunacy.


:rofl:




Jeff/BC said:


> Any wife of mine would also need to be my best friend. It seems to me I'm most likely to find her among my circle of friends. I also generally have a substantive circle of female friends so again, it makes sense I'd be looking there first


That does make sense.


----------



## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Thinking single now.

Even if I my feelings for a female friend are like for a sister there are indeed feelings that are different than I have for a brother or anither male friend. PLUS she is NOT my sister. Sure I have had plutonic female friends. I do think they can exist.

Forgetting the pure sexual tension that has been discussed for a moment, I still think there are feelings men will develop for women that are not manifested the same as with other men. I can love my friends. I can have love for both my male and female friends. Much of it can be similar. My feelings for a female friend are not exactly like my feelings for a male friend. Those feelings are related to us being of opposite sex. I do not think it is only about pure sexual tension. Maybe it is, but I think as my feelings develop for a female friend those feelings can be confusing. It does not mean we will have sex. But I am protective with my sister in a way I am not protective with a male friend. No I do not want to boff my sister. It is just not exactly the same as having a male friend. These are emotional feelings. They probably do have to do with testosterone. So they are not far from sexual feelings but they are for sure emotional.

Another thread but that is my issue in a married scenario. The developement of feelings. Feelings were my downfall. So these feelings can cause singles to stop becoming friends because one or the other wants further intimacy yet maybe not sex ... yet. One party or the other may want more. I think these friendships can exist none-the-less. Thinking back to my single days, I can not off hand think of a female friend, plutonic or not that I would not have responded to positively if they gave me the green light. Maybe I am flawed ...


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Entropy3000 said:


> Forgetting the pure sexual tension that has been discussed for a moment, I still think there are feelings men will develop for women that are not manifested the same as with other men. I can love my friends. I can have love for both my male and female friends. Much of it can be similar. My feelings for a female friend are not exactly like my feelings for a male friend. Those feelings are related to us being of opposite sex. I do not think it is only about pure sexual tension.


Well I agree with that.


----------



## aston (Oct 24, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> It's an age-old question.
> 
> There was another thread here that got me thinking about this.
> I know most are married on TAM but this topic is about single folks.
> ...


Only if the woman is ugly beyond sin. From a guys stand point, any guy who is friends with a woman has not only undressed her in his head but in some way shape or form won't mind hooking up with her. Sad truth it's just biology.
On the female side, I won't know cause I'm not female.


----------



## captainstormy (Jun 15, 2012)

No. Most women are going to say yes, but the answer is no.

As a matter of fact. My wife and I started as "just friends". By "just friends" that means she thought I had no interest in her but I did. 

Seems kind of sleezy I suppose but if I was honest with her then we wouldn't be married today. She was in a man hating phase after a couple of rough break ups. 

We hung out for about six months or so, never doing anything other then just hanging out and eventually she told me she was starting to get feelings for me, at which point I told her good because I've had them for her for months but knew if I told her that when we first meet she wouldn't have given me the time of day because of her mood at the time.

From a guys point of view, there just isn't much if any reason to be friends with a woman. We very rarely have the same interests. Maybe one, but that's probably about it.


----------



## aston (Oct 24, 2011)

captainstormy said:


> No. Most women are going to say yes, but the answer is no.
> 
> As a matter of fact. My wife and I started as "just friends". By "just friends" that means she thought I had no interest in her but I did.
> 
> ...


Very well said! I find the longer you are friends with a woman the more the lines get blurred and something likely to happen. I can say without regret that I have hooked up with 90% of my female friends (those I consider friends and are friends till this day). Some are married with families and some are not but it was something that just happen.

Friendships between opposite sexes have a different kind of "bond" that over time leads you places you didn't plan (or at least one of you didn't plan).
It's the same way when a woman has mostly guys friends and gives the usual BS excuse "most of my guys are friends, I can't stand women"......chances are she's boned a good number of them as well.

The stench of truth....


----------

