# Called boring/stuck up just because you are quiet?



## Kitty08

I am a quiet person, I like to interact with people but for some reason I cannot go past that...like if I try to be more social then I'll look desesperate. I am very conscious of what I say or how I say it...for some reason I think that people just talk to me because I am their boss. 
I try to show my human side but I feel like no matter what, I cannot meet their "standards"...is there something wrong with me?

Sent from my SM-G920T using Tapatalk


----------



## Dude007

Don't be so deliberate in talking. Just let it flow, be natural, you are overthinking it. Maybe meetup w people at a wine bar or something. Dude
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Kitty08

@dude: thanks for the advise. I am genuine, and I give my best...I have been married for 10 years with a 8 year old daughter. My daily life is get up,get ready, wake up your baby, get her ready for school and go to work, back to work ,take my daughter to MMA class and back at home. 
My husband suffers form a condition that debilitates him and make him sleep a lot..so I don't have the chance to talk at home. I just want to be someone with a normal life, friends and who feels good at work with the co-workers. Sorry to bother you. 


Sent from my SM-G920T using Tapatalk


----------



## Dude007

No problem how much does he sleep?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Woodchuck

Would it be possible to take your employees for a cup of coffee, or bring in donuts? When I was a supervisor I found it a great ice breaker....I never had trouble in a social environment, but had such intense focus, people thought I was aloof....A little pastry helped a lot...


----------



## Kitty08

It depends, some days when he is okay he'll be the man I married long time ago, lately he has been having flares and when he gets sick somehow all he does is sleep non stop. It's like he cannot control himself. So I could be talking about something nice at work and in many occasions the response is short, out of topic and nothing at the same time. I have to admit that sometimes I feel left out and without anyone who I can talk....thanks for reading my posts.

Sent from my SM-G920T using Tapatalk


----------



## Lostme

Hi Kitty,

I'm not a big talker either, until I get to know someone.

Just try being friendly, smile at them and tell them good morning etc be interested in their life if they have kids ask them how they are. General stuff will get the conversation going and if you find out they have kids the age as yours try planning play dates etc.

If you have any hobbies or interest in anything search out groups that you can meet up with and mingle.


----------



## Kitty08

To woodchuck : I have tried all the tricks in the book. Brought chocolates and filled a big boonwl that went fast! 
I recognize them for the work they are doing. I thnkk it is just because I am a supervisor and employees normally do not see you as a friend IDK...and ideas of what I cod get them for Christmas? ??

Sent from my SM-G920T using Tapatalk


----------



## TBT

It can be a fine line between being a boss and being a friend. It's important that you know the people working for you and that they know you and what is expected of them. You'll find some employees who do just what is required and others who go above and beyond. If your people have been trained right then trust in their decisions. At the same time let them know your door is always open should they need your help,input or guidance with problems that can arise and affect the job,including those of a personal nature.

Christmas gifts are another reason to really get to know your employees. Some may like a bottle of wine,some a food gift and others just gift cards. One of my bosses,though she gave out wine as gifts,always got me something different as she knew that I don't drink.

Btw Kitty08,welcome to TAM!


----------



## Kitty08

TBT: Awesome feedback. You have given me good ideas and I really appreciate it. 

Sent from my SM-G920T using Tapatalk


----------



## Kitty08

TBT and all: thank you!

Sent from my SM-G920T using Tapatalk


----------



## Fitnessfan

Kitty08 said:


> I am a quiet person, I like to interact with people but for some reason I cannot go past that...like if I try to be more social then I'll look desesperate. I am very conscious of what I say or how I say it...for some reason I think that people just talk to me because I am their boss.
> I try to show my human side but I feel like no matter what, I cannot meet their "standards"...is there something wrong with me?
> 
> Sent from my SM-G920T using Tapatalk


It sounds like you have a bit of social anxiety. Look, everyone does not have to be outgoing. There is plenty of room in this world for many different types of people. Do not be so hard on yourself. There is nothing wrong with being quiet and shy. Sometimes, it is a welcome departure from people who always need to be the center of attention. Don't overthink it....be ok with your quietness. The right people will take the time to get to know you and will know you are not boring or stuck up...you are just you!


----------



## JohnA

I think you will feel a comfort level and freedom on line you don't in your normal life. Careful it does not take over. 

Careful of EA. They are easy to fall into. 

How are you at both listening and hearing. My mom was not a talkative person. In many ways it seems see lived in the background. So how is it so many of my friends and people who knew her etill rave about her? One guy flew in from Germany for her funeral, dozens from out of state. She was quiet women, her last job was running a school districts library. She did volunter work for a reading outreach program. That's it. 

Are you selling yourself short? For example how much do you know about your daughter's friends?


----------



## Woodchuck

Kitty08 said:


> To woodchuck : I have tried all the tricks in the book. Brought chocolates and filled a big boonwl that went fast!
> I recognize them for the work they are doing. I thnkk it is just because I am a supervisor and employees normally do not see you as a friend IDK...and ideas of what I cod get them for Christmas? ??
> 
> Sent from my SM-G920T using Tapatalk


In our part of the world, watermelons are almost given away in season....I bought 2 enormous melons, chilled them overnight, and brought them in already sliced in a big cooler...I served my crew during their lunch, and 20 years later, if I run into one of them, they mention those cold watermelons...

I worked as a product designer at a factory in SW Arkansas for a couple of years....As I mentioned, I have intense focus when I work....I had turned I my resignation to go to another job, and was clearing out my work schedule, etc....I was at the other end of the engineering office from where I had my work station using the copier.....I was finished with my work, and relaxed, and chatting with the engineering secretary.....After a couple of minutes she got this surprised look on her face and blurted out "You're really funny"....We had not interacted enough in 2 years for her to get an impression of my rather sharp and spontaneous wit....

I have a feeling your employees would get a different impression of you if you just relaxed around them once in a while....


----------



## Reaper39

I'm not a big talker either.


----------



## Kitty08

Sorry, I have been working non stop for the last two weeks and just got to your messages. @Woodchuck- you are right, I think about my employees and I really care about them. I know that random acts of kindness are a good motivator. These usually are not done in front of everyone and maybe they think that I don't care. My job is very past -paced and time sensitive and it makes it hard to chat for a while but I still throw a joke here and there. I see that I am reading too much into things, I will try my best next year, it's just that your personally is your personality and it's hard to change easily. Thanks for the advise. 

Sent from my SM-G920T using Tapatalk


----------



## Kitty08

JohnA said:


> I think you will feel a comfort level and freedom on line you don't in your normal life. Careful it does not take over.
> 
> Careful of EA. They are easy to fall into.
> 
> How are you at both listening and hearing. My mom was not a talkative person. In many ways it seems see lived in the background. So how is it so many of my friends and people who knew her etill rave about her? One guy flew in from Germany for her funeral, dozens from out of state. She was quiet women, her last job was running a school districts library. She did volunter work for a reading outreach program. That's it.
> 
> Are you selling yourself short? For example how much do you know about your daughter's friends?


Correct. Your advise makes sense. You never know how many lives you have touch unless something happens. Sorry about your mother's passing but it speaks wonders to have someone flew in to be at her funeral. She seemed to have been a lovely lady.

Sent from my SM-G920T using Tapatalk


----------



## Spotthedeaddog

doing social wont be created by gifts or events.
it's a practiced skill, like most skills some folks have natural talent, but training and practice IN the skill is what makes the difference.


----------



## Marc878

Take your folks out for a happy hour. I have mine out for a luncheon once a quarter.

I suspect you just probably need to get to know them better. Likes, dislikes, etc.


----------

