# Anyone sone in an in-home legal separation successfully?



## cagedrat (Jan 12, 2014)

Preparing to discuss separation with my spouse and want to offer an in-home separation. This could make the financial transition easier and also the transition with the children easier. Has anyone done this successfully?


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## woundedwarrior (Dec 9, 2011)

I tried it & only made it 20 days? Unless both of your feelings have fully deteriorated & you're determined to divorce, it never works.
In my case I did it for the wrong reasons, which was to get my wifes attention that I was being neglected. My feelings were still strong so it was hell for me to force myself to just be room mates, no affection etc, she wasn't happy either.
If you try it for only children & financial reasons, with no emotional connection left, it could work. My counselor told me that it is effective at a smoother divorce but not at saving a marriage, so it depends on your intent?


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

How long are you considering doing it for? How amicable are you two? Any infidelity? How old are the kids?

C


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## helolover (Aug 24, 2012)

I did it. It was stressful and I don't recommend it. Sounds nice on paper, but dealing with your former lover now as a roomie is very difficult. Also, it is stressful on the kids (IMO).


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## cagedrat (Jan 12, 2014)

We have a laundry list of marital problems, but we make good co-parents and money issues have never been part of our marriage problems. I have no emotional attachment and I have no intention of this marriage continuing beyond our separation. In my head, I thought it would be better to live together while we got the house sold and for the kids to see we could be separate but still be there for them. Maybe this is a bit naive and idyllic…

I have NO CLUE how my husband is going to handle the news of separation. I don't know if he will be shocked, relieved, sad, happy-no idea. WE don't communicate beyond parenting…and haven't in a long time. I just wanted to know if it was a viable option before discussing it with him.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

I don't know what it's like when children are still at home but my ex-husband and I had an in-house separation for about seven months after I told up him I wanted a divorce. Then he decided to move-in with his girlfriend (not his AP) and that was a relief. I had told him a year before I filed that I was going to. Ours worked fairly well but it was still awkward and uncomfortable most of the time. I don't recommend it.


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## Sincererlytrying (Oct 31, 2012)

If you are going to suddenly drop this on your husband, don't expect him to like the idea. In my state, being in the same household voids the separation. If there are any feelings of love, anger, bitterness, regret between the two of you, I doubt it will work.


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## ICLH (Dec 26, 2013)

Didn't work for in my situation to try and stay in the same household after divorce was announced but I do know that living in the same household while going through a divorce this days is very common due to the economy. It is nice to at least give the person that chooses to move out of the home some time and the opportunity to make arrangements to move elsewhere. Too much tension in the household in my situation plus he was seeing someone else and ended up demanding I leave because it interfered with all the lies he'd been telling.


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## KnottedStomach (Sep 19, 2013)

I too do not recommend it. I am in that situation right now, and it has become so uncomfortable/stressful for me that after many months, I am moving back into my mother's house until he leaves the house for good.


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## survivorwife (May 15, 2012)

Sincererlytrying said:


> If you are going to suddenly drop this on your husband, don't expect him to like the idea. *In my state, being in the same household voids the separation.* If there are any feelings of love, anger, bitterness, regret between the two of you, I doubt it will work.


Same here. There is no "separation" if the couple is still residing together, no matter what changes are made in the sleeping arrangements.

A real separation is living apart, dividing the marital property and getting the children use to two separate households.


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## cagedrat (Jan 12, 2014)

Thanks all. I am having "the talk" with him soon and I believe he will have to find himself a place to live.


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## BeachGuy (Jul 6, 2011)

I filed a year ago and still live at home. I don't see how anyone can have a true separation while still living under the same roof. I'm suprised there is even such a thing as a "legal in-home" separation. Sometimes I wish I'd just moved out but other times I'm thankful to still be living with my kids and having a real home to be in every night (instead of an apartment). If I had unlimited funds, I'm sure I would've moved out when I filed though.

To me, separated means you're s-e-p-a-r-a-t-e-d, as in not in the same house. Otherwise you're just roomates that are married.


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## oviid (Sep 27, 2013)

The purpose of a separation, as I understand it, is to work on things because you both think there's a chance the marriage might be saved.

If you don't see that happening and you know it's over it's a moot point.


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## helolover (Aug 24, 2012)

cagedrat said:


> Thanks all. I am having "the talk" with him soon and I believe he will have to find himself a place to live.


Why is he the one that needs to leave?


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## caladan (Nov 2, 2012)

I've done it for over a year. Two separate bedrooms, two separate-ish lives. Weekdays and weekends split (Nobody needs to leave the house, but one person is in charge). It's worked out well so far.


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