# Your advice is greatly needed



## charlesmx (May 2, 2013)

I had my D-Day a week ago and I need help & advice, as I'm feeling confused and in terrible pain. I'll try to be as brief as I can:

- We've been married for 16 years. A very happy marriage (companionship, sex, very few fights, etc.) for the most part, although we've both have had struggles with depression at times.

-Two kids (11 & 14). They don't know, so far. I haven't told anyone else due to the humilliation this would entail.

-For valid career reasons, wife stayed in a distant, foreign country for 4 months. There she had a 2 month affair with OM (said he was fun & romantic, me not so much, but definately not long-term prospect).

-After her return, I caught her by accident (two weeks later, had kept daily e-mail contact with OM), although I suspected something was up previously as she had become rather distant.

-Once confronted, she admitted the whole thing and said she'd broken off all contact that very day (seems truthful for the most part). However, she admits she still harbors feelings for the OM (likens the experience to quitting drugs cold turkey).

-She has apologized, says she loves me and would like to stay if I'm willing to forgive and trust once again. We'll start to see a marriage counsellor tomorrow.

-I still love her very much so despite this wrenching betrayal and would like to reconcile (not least for the kids). I'm willing to put everything into this.

Please help me answer some questions:

-I've seen a divorce lawyer (she knows) but have taken no further action. Would beginning to separate financial affairs set back or favor the reconciliation process?

-Is it worthwhile to send an e-mail to OM (who lives very far away) telling him he's a nasty piece of work and caused a world of pain? I haven't done this so far and I'm not sure it's even worth it. Does this help closure in any way or lessen the chances of him contacting her again?

-Telling the kids seems a terrible idea at this point, specially if there's a chance of working things out. Anyone disagree?

-She's stayed in the house so far. Would having her move out help at all, specially considering that it would entail having the kids know?

-Only two of her friends know and they live abroad. Would you recommend telling her family, my family and close friends? This would be horribly humiliating for me, shocking for everyone (believe me) and if reconciliation is achieved, possibly pointless, but support would be welcome. Any thoughts?

As you can imagine, I oscillate constantly between hope and despair, so I could really benefit from the experience of others.

Thanks for taking the time to reply.


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## PreRaphaelite (Dec 15, 2012)

Charlesmx: Very sorry. Your wife betrayed you and you're dealing with the pain.

To answer some of your questions:

- You wife has to be 100% committed to the reconciliation process. If you suspect that she isn't, then coming up with a plan that includes protecting yourself financially is wise. 

- You should send nothing to the OM. She should. She should send him a clear No Contact letter saying that she's made a big mistake, that she wants to work on repairing her marriage, and that she will accept no further contact with the OM. She should send this to him with you as a witness. She MUST cut off all communication with the OM. If she cannot or refuses to do so, then see your lawyer again and start separating your finances.

- Kids can stay out of it if you two are committed to R. If not, then they will be involved in the process of separation whether you like it or not.

- Her moving out depends on how she feels and how you feel. If she's on the fence, tell her to move out. 

- Expose this to both families. Do this! Affairs thrive on secrecy. She has to learn that there are consequences to her actions. Both families need to know, not to punish her but to help her to see what she has done. She needs to be jerked out of the fog she's in. Forget the humiliation. Fear is absolutely the wrong motive. If you want to save your marriage, exposure is very important.

Above all, stand up to her and do not back down. Either she is committed to R or she is out the door. And do not trust her words! If she says she's sorry and is not in contact with the OM then she has to have all her phone, email, and daily contacts open and available to you. There's no other way. Cheating spouses will lie through their teeth and don't assume for a moment that your WW is not one of them.


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## charlesmx (May 2, 2013)

Thanks PreRaphaelite. I just don't want to take any hasty decisions, but I'll bring up these points with the marriage councillor tomorrow. Man, I'm so nervous about that appointment...


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Just one thing. Forgiveness given easily is not respected or valued. How do you know this was the only time she did this ? Do you think you can move on from this ? It wasn't a drunk mistake. It was intentional deceit for considerable period of time. And you had to catch it.


Who is the OM ? Is he married ?


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## charlesmx (May 2, 2013)

Warlock7:

Yes, it was not a one night thing for sure. It seems the OM is divorced and, from what I can see, singed up to a lot of dating sites.


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

So your wife---had her fling

You said the A, was heady, and fun, and exciting---things with you are not----but wasn't it like that for you and your wife, during courting, and the early years of your mge.---wasn't it exciting for the 2 of you, and great fun---and the 2 of you were starry eyed, and there was no one else---wasn't it like that for you------

Mge is hard work---it gets boring, its the same old, same old, and sex becomes, not so exciting---satisfying, but not like it once was

There may not be such excitement anymore----but it is the 2 of you doing what needs to be done to satisfy each other---it is mature love---it is what mge becomes

But, when you took vows, you didn't buy in to having to deal with a wife, who has the filth, of another man inside of her, and on her-------who just said to herself, and the world----forget you H, forget you kids---I am now for me---this guy turns me on, and I am gonna have my fling, my fun, my satisfaction----and I will deal with the fallout, if there is any---when it happens

So she is caught, she is back----its now on you----your beef is with one person, and one person only---your so called "loving " wife---who thought so little of you---that she has now foisted upon you---a pain so horrible, so harsh, so unbearable, a pain---you will now live with for the rest of your life-----for herself---she is back----she expects some flack---and then this will all go away

Is that what you want??????----You have to know your sub--conscious is never gonna let it go away---You, know that looking at her triggers you daily----can you live like this---possibly the rest of your life----knowing that for at least 2 months---she was in his arms, in his bed, out and about with him----he was inside of her-----is this not what you see in your head, when you look at her-----how do you stomach that---how can you stand to be near her, it just escapes me---how a cheater, has their fling, and then expects the innocent spouse, to just suck it up, and take them back----and bottom line---somewhere down the line---the cheater does expect the betrayed---to suck it up, and go on as if nothing ever happened----how do you deal with that???????


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Even if you intend to reconcile, take time letting her know. By taking time, you can actually make her think of what she did and the consequences of breaking up the family.

How is she reacting ? What changes did she make since she got caught ? Does she still have secrets ? Did you read the correspondence between the two of them ?(If you haven't there is way to recover texts on most devices) 

How did you react when you confronted her ? Was there anger ? Was infidelity ever discovered in your marriage ?


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## Will_Kane (Feb 26, 2012)

Have your wife handwrite a "no contact" letter to the other man. Other Man, I am horribly ashamed of my behavior and feel terrible for risking losing my husband, who is better than you in every way that matters to me. Do not ever attempt to contact me again in any way, shape, or form. Signed, Wife Name. She then gives the letter to you to make sure it contains no niceties, no pleasantries, no "I always will remember you fondly," no terms of endearment, and for you to put in the mail.

The letter shoud be HANDWRITTEN on PAPER and given to you to mail. The purpose is not so much to tell other man to cease contact as it is to see your wife's willingness to write it.

Make sure your wife knows what "no contact" means. It means no talking, texting, emailing. It means if he attempts to contact her, she does not respond in any way and tells you about it immediately. It means no looking other man up on facebook or other social media sites.

For your marriage to work, your wife has to get her head back into it, and she won't do that if she is still thinking about other man.

Tell your wife you need to rebuild trust in her. She needs to EARN it. Tell her you need her passwords and complete access to all communication devices and accounts. There should be nothing she is hiding from you anyway. Also, she shouldn't delete anything, if she wants something deleted, she should give it to you for deleting. That includes browser history.

She should block other man on facebook, she should change her phone number.

Any friends of her who knew about other man and didn't tell you also should no longer be in her life, blocked on facebook as well. They are a conduit for her to other man. If they are not friends of you and friends of your marriage, they should not be her friends either.

You can't control her wife, but if she doesn't want to do these things for you, then you CAN control yourself and decide you don't want to be married to someone who cheats on you and doesn't seem to care to do the things necessary for you to feel better that she has stopped carrying on with her affair partner.

Most of the things here, like sharing passwords, are things many normal, happy married couples have done from the start. They are only onerous if she wants to continue to hide things from you.

Exposure to friends and family is up to you. Don't tell her you are going to do it or even thinking about it. In your situation it might be best not to expose yet, and only do so if she balks at your request for transparency or if you catch her remaining in contact with her lover.

As far as her moving out or sleeping in another room, that is your call. If she seems remorseful and is willing to do what you need to rebuild trust and get over this, let her stay and work on your marriage.

Ask her to destroy (and not replace) any clothes she wore for him, any gifts she received from him.

You can't control her, only yourself, and what you are willing to accept and not accept in a marriage. She should be thankful that you are giving her another chance, not annoyed that you want her to help you get over this by doing things to show she is committed to you and rebuild your trust.

Consider buying a voice-activated recorder and some heavy-duty velcro and putting it in her car. Monitor for a couple of weeks to make sure she is not still contacting other man.


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## charlesmx (May 2, 2013)

warlock07 said:


> Even if you intend to reconcile, take time letting her know. By taking time, you can actually make her think of what she did and the consequences of breaking up the family.
> 
> How is she reacting ? What changes did she make since she got caught ? Does she still have secrets ? Did you read the correspondence between the two of them ?(If you haven't there is way to recover texts on most devices)
> 
> How did you react when you confronted her ? Was there anger ? Was infidelity ever discovered in your marriage ?


She expressed a lot of remorse. I have seen the recent messages exchanged with the OM (before I caught her) and have full access to all her accounts. It's pretty clear she was very infatuated, but neither seem to be deeply in love or had great expectations for the relationship to continue. I don't know wether this is good or bad.

So far, she's been contrite and has really tried to connect again. I've never cheated on her and I do believe this was a first for her.

So that's how things stand at the moment. I'm holding up, although the lack of sleep is getting to me.

Thanks,


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

charlesmx said:


> -For valid career reasons, wife stayed in a distant, foreign country for 4 months. There she had a 2 month affair with OM (said he was fun & romantic, me not so much, but definately not long-term prospect).


Serious concern for every having a happy marriage as she pretty much is stating she is going to be available for every "romantic" acting guy who wants in her panties.





charlesmx said:


> After her return, I caught her by accident (two weeks later, had kept daily e-mail contact with OM), although I suspected something was up previously as she had become rather distant.


As she had to be caught before you would ever know aboout it, it tells me not only did she love it but had not enough guilt or respect for you, the kids or the marriage to ever tell you. Another serious concern.



charlesmx said:


> Once confronted, she admits she still harbors feelings for the OM.


In other words, I love and respect him and not you. This should be telling you something, don't you think?



charlesmx said:


> Please help me answer some questions:
> 
> -I've seen a divorce lawyer (she knows) but have taken no further action. Would beginning to separate financial affairs set back or favor the reconciliation process?


Not at all. She has no true remorse or love or respect for you, the kids or the marriage. It's really over and I'd do this immediately.



charlesmx said:


> Is it worthwhile to send an e-mail to OM (who lives very far away) telling him he's a nasty piece of work and caused a world of pain? I haven't done this so far and I'm not sure it's even worth it. Does this help closure in any way or lessen the chances of him contacting her again?


Naw. He chased a married woman and bedded her. He got all he wanted from her. She wasn't the first and won't be the last. He'll just laugh at your email.



charlesmx said:


> Telling the kids seems a terrible idea at this point, specially if there's a chance of working things out. Anyone disagree?


They have a right to know how their momther really thinks about them, you and the marriage. Why live a lie with them. They have a right to kow mom loves strangers more than them or you. I think it a grave mistake to not tell them.



charlesmx said:


> She's stayed in the house so far. Would having her move out help at all, specially considering that it would entail having the kids know?


I think a 90 day separation trial (her out, kids stay) is good for the both of you. You need to get your personal space alone to sort out if you want to stay with a woman who prefers other men to you. 



charlesmx said:


> Only two of her friends know and they live abroad. Would you recommend telling her family, my family and close friends? This would be horribly humiliating for me, shocking for everyone (believe me) and if reconciliation is achieved, possibly pointless, but support would be welcome. Any thoughts?


ABSOLUTELY! Exposure is a mandatory aspect. Maybe they can counsel her about exactly why what she has done is wrong and how unacceptable it is. In fact, if you keep this a secret and expect any sort of reconcilliation you are seriously fooling yourself. 

She goes on business elsewhere and sets up house with a guy who woos her a bit and loved every second of it. NO thoughts of you or the kids. It's all about her and her little fantasies. She has little remorse, still loves him and now that she's home is willing to stay with you as it is convienent for her. That is, until her next opportunity. And you are willing to put up with this? I'm so sorry for you, I really am. I have lived the pain you're living and she needs to go. Now. She needs to be fully exposed to everyone and you need some time to really think if you are going to spend the rest of your life taking this from her or moving on to someone whio really respects you for who you are and not her convienent situation.


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

hey Charles---as has been said---your so called wife---as soon as she is on her own---sets up house with a new guy---totally forgetting she is married and has kids---this wasn't a ONS---it was 2 solid months with this guy

Then she comes home, and doesn't even bother to hide the A---she keeps it rolling with contact---obviously looking to hook-up again down the line

How can she look you in the eye, and say she loves you---how do you listen to those words w/out vomiting

She wants to keep the mge---WHY---she WILLINGLY THREW IT AWAY------

Please don't stay for the kids---they will get along fine, w/out this woman as their role model


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## bryanp (Aug 25, 2011)

If the roles were reversed would she have been so accepting as you?

You both need to get tested for STD's.

Did she feel that she could have this sexual affair because deep down she knew that when you found out that there would be no consequences to her behavior? She was willing to throw away her whole marriage for a guy that she does not love? What does that tell you about her true feelings toward you and your marriage. Does she see you as a great meal ticket? Good luck.


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

charlesmx said:


> I had my D-Day a week ago and I need help & advice, as I'm feeling confused and in terrible pain. I'll try to be as brief as I can:
> 
> - We've been married for 16 years. A very happy marriage (companionship, sex, very few fights, etc.) for the most part, although we've both have had struggles with depression at times.


People who study affairs say that 4 years, 7 years, and 14 years are the big danger zones for cheating wives. If this is really her first affair, she's not far off schedule.

How old are you two? I'm guessing she's at or nearing 40?



charlesmx said:


> -Two kids (11 & 14). They don't know, so far. I haven't told anyone else due to the humilliation this would entail.


Tell her parents, if they are still living. It humiliates her, gives her a consequence, and prepares the battlespace in case divorce results. You should also DNA your kids. Tell them you're going to do DNA genealogy like "23 and Me." Do this even if you think the kids are yours. If you find they are really yours, it's a nice consequence if you decide to R.



charlesmx said:


> --For valid career reasons, wife stayed in a distant, foreign country for 4 months. There she had a 2 month affair with OM (said he was fun & romantic, me not so much, but definately not long-term prospect).


Where did they meet? Work, pickup bar, or sex club?

He was fun and romantic compared to you and he was not a long term prospect because he was a so-called "alpha" or else a "player" who successfully aped enough alpha characteristics to invoke "The Halo Effect". 

See, while most men are attracted to most women, most women are not attracted to most men. A quick and dirty breakdown for this phenomenon is the Pareto Principal AKA The 80/20 rule. In human sexuality, you can say that 80% of women are sexually attracted to 20% of the men. This is why in a recent study, fully 67% of the men on a popular dating site were rated by women as "below average."

It's pretty clear that your wife sees you as a member of the 80%. Good enough to be a worker drone to provide for her and her kids, but not sexually arousing. You are most likely what this version of The Male Socio-Sexual Hierarchy refers to as a "delta" male.



charlesmx said:


> -After her return, I caught her by accident (two weeks later, had kept daily e-mail contact with OM), although I suspected something was up previously as she had become rather distant.


I highly commend you for understanding what that distancing meant. Most husbands never figure it out. Your wife felt the need to keep in touch with OM because as they say "Five minutes of Alpha is worth 50 years of Beta." She will carry this OM in her heart forever. Here's a comment that was posted in a discussion of Silvio Berlusconi's attractiveness to much younger women:

_"The allure of a powerful man like Berlusconi is something people are quick to discount unless they’ve been in the presence of one. I had an affair with a very powerful, high-profile (unmarried) politician when he was 65 and I was 18. Age didn’t matter because he was electric. He knew everything and was energectic in a way I’d never seen in boys my age, and his appetite for life was insatiable. Decades later as a long-married wife and mother I still remember him often, and quite fondly."_

No matter what the OM's age is, this is the glowing memory of her lover that your WW will carry in her heart forever.

See, women are attracted to a particular man for sex by their autonomic limbic system, not their pre-frontal cortex. It's involuntary and it's only going to be triggered by men who "have it" or know how to fake it. Typically some or all of the following are in play: Golden Ratio physique and flat stomach, ****iness, Dark Triad traits, boldness with women. Those things trigger the autonomic program. 

Most women can't get such a 20 percenter to marry them in a monogamous society, and most 20 percenters have no intention of being monogamous, so most women end up settling for the best guy they can get. Like the song says, they "can't find a better man." But they can often find a man they perceive, rightly or wrongly, to bang them a few dozen times in the short term. And that makes it worth it. 

I have a client who is 72 years old. His wife is 38. He's in phenomenal shape and figures his female body count is over 2,000. I'm sure a good percentage of those were married, since he was a custom builder by trade. His attitude and general disposition is equivalent to a 25 year old. ****y, loud, strong as a bull, flat stomach.



charlesmx said:


> -Once confronted, she admitted the whole thing and said she'd broken off all contact that very day (seems truthful for the most part). However, she admits she still harbors feelings for the OM (likens the experience to quitting drugs cold turkey).


See above. And it was like drugs because it was drugs. When women have sex with a new guy and he gets her off, her brain releases a massive flood of dopamine, norepinephrine, serotonin, testosterone and other chemicals that give her a crack-like high. Bonding agents vasopressin and oxcytocin are also released to tie her to the OM. Furthermore, semen contains mood elevating chemicals, endorphins, estrone, prolactin, oxytocin, thyrotrpin-releasing hormone, and serotonin, which are absorbed into the bloodstream via the mouth and vagina. This is why women in affairs never use rubbers. You need to see a doctor. You don't want that new incurable clap that's going around.

She's probably wondering how to reestablish contact right now.




charlesmx said:


> -She has apologized, says she loves me and would like to stay if I'm willing to forgive and trust once again. We'll start to see a marriage counsellor tomorrow.


This won't work, unless the MC has fairly recent specialized training in affairs. If the MC starts talking about your failings in the marriage, or the underlying problems that caused your wife to commit adultery, leave immediately and don't go back to that MC again.




charlesmx said:


> -I still love her very much so despite this wrenching betrayal and would like to reconcile (not least for the kids). I'm willing to put everything into this.



And that's what she's pretty sure you're going to do. She has your number. She doesn't really value you as a particularly exciting sex partner, but she does appreciate your role as a "Beta/Delta Provider" worker drone, who provides food, shelter, and parenting for her and her offspring. She doesn't want to lose you for that reason. Actually, she's pretty confident at this point that you couldn't get another woman and you're stuck with her. She loves you like a brother that she occasionally has to have sex with.

Now, I ask you who makes more money? You or your wife?

How many times were you approached in the last month by women other than your wife?



charlesmx said:


> Please help me answer some questions:
> 
> -I've seen a divorce lawyer (she knows) but have taken no further action. Would beginning to separate financial affairs set back or favor the reconciliation process?


You should do this whether or not you R or D. In case of D, it's obvious. You should still do it if you want R, because it's decisive and very male. It increases your attractiveness. A man who is in the drivers seat in his life is less likely to tolerate a cheating wife; after all, he has a plethora of women after him. He's a man with options. Be that man and your attractiveness goes up.



charlesmx said:


> -Is it worthwhile to send an e-mail to OM (who lives very far away) telling him he's a nasty piece of work and caused a world of pain? I haven't done this so far and I'm not sure it's even worth it. Does this help closure in any way or lessen the chances of him contacting her again?


Only contact him to notify him of where the duel is to take place. If you aren't up for that or setting him up to be bushwhacked, don't contact him. It makes you look like you're on your knees asking him to send your wife back to you. He'll contact your wife about that and gloat, further lowering your male quotient in your wife's eyes.



charlesmx said:


> -Telling the kids seems a terrible idea at this point, specially if there's a chance of working things out. Anyone disagree?


Don't tell them until they ask what's going on or you finally decide to divorce her. Then tell them the truth.



charlesmx said:


> -She's stayed in the house so far. Would having her move out help at all, specially considering that it would entail having the kids know?


If she moves out, she's free to start looking for a new supplier of her sex drugs. She also won't be around to see you upping your sex rank and joining the ranks of the 20% of men that women actually dream about having sex with.



charlesmx said:


> -Only two of her friends know and they live abroad. Would you recommend telling her family, my family and close friends?


For now, tell her parents for the previously stated reasons. Who were the friends? How did they come to know about it? Did they facilitate the affair?



charlesmx said:


> This would be horribly humiliating for me, shocking for everyone (believe me) and if reconciliation is achieved, possibly pointless, but support would be welcome. Any thoughts?


Don't be worried about a little humiliation, alphas and sigmas don't worry about that when they go after married women while the H is right there in the party. It's part of playing the game for them. You need to learn about "full speed ahead and damn the torpedoes," brother. Take the bull by the horns. Worrying about a little humiliation is putting you in the Gamma male zone. That's extremely unattractive.

speaking of which, what kind of bodybuilding program do you use in your training? What kind of motorcycle do you ride? What brand of suits do you prefer? which cologne do you use? Your car? What sports do you play? What make and caliber of pistol do you carry? 

You need to get a book. Married Man Sex Life Primer. Download and read it tonight. It's a quick and dirty guide on how to tap in and maintain attractiveness over the long haul.

Good luck.


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## martyc47 (Oct 20, 2011)

I have to give you some credit for already seeing a divorce lawyer, and it seems like you are ready to take the action you need to take. Most guys thinking of reconciling tend to avoid any serious action.

This affair revolved around your wife's international career. What kind of career do you have? Are you in good shape? Do women flirt with you? Do men respect you? These things are important. Nothing excuses your wife's behavior, but there are some things you need to acknowledge about yourself to deal with this and avoid similar issues in the future (with or without her).


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## Remains (Jan 24, 2012)

Often exposure is about keeping extra eyes on the A and Wayward and helping to stop it rekindling. This is not needed for you.

The other reason is for the A to be out in the open, for people to know, it is an extra layer of embarrassment and shame, therefore another layer of repurcussions, and therefore another layer of negative effects of the A. This is about affairproofing, the more negative effects on a spouse mean less likely to repeat the actions. The A will be looked upon as a producer of great pain as opposed to an occurrence of wonderful times sorely missed.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

And this is her first affair, right?

I do not want to cause you any more distress, but you know this is her first affair... how, exactly? 

You need to get the children DNA tested. Not necessarily to test their DNA (though this is sometimes a benefit) but to send a clear message to your wife: "I can no longer trust *anything* you ever said or did in our marriage or our courtship."


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

What do you want to bet that if she hadn't got caught that she'd be planning a business trip back to see him soon?

She was engaged and focused on the affair. All without remorse or guilt and she was doing it even after she moved to be with you.

So any feelings she has right now are about being caught out for being a cheater and how it's going to interfere with her meeting up with him again.

How did she meet him?

You should take the gifts he no doubt gave her and throw them away. Any new jewelry she has or scarves etc. while at it toss the sexy lingere she has that she wore for him too.


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

You are going to do everything to make a R work---what about her

Please don't go into her contriteness, and remorse,---so what-----she is doing what she knows she must do, to keep the father of her children in place, and to keep her bank in place

You told us in your own words----she was cold and distant when she came home---she stayed in contact, with her lover, when she came home---and when caught she admitted, she could not just forget about him

You need to know that if your so called wife, was just having a meaningless fling, which was never going anywhere----she would have made every effort, and moved heaven and earth to cover up her indiscretions, so that you would NEVER find out about her betrayal of you----yet she did all of the things I mentioned just above--

Only your wife knows the reason this all started up, but it very quickly became a love affair----and the woman you love/loved---is no longer in love with you---NO MATTER WHAT SHE SAYS---------you have been replaced---you are just the boring man---she took vows with---the man she is in love with, is in that foreign country---and do not be so sure---that she is not still in contact with him, deep underground, by a burner phone, or some other means

The woman you love---that is not this woman---the woman you love, she died somewhere in that foreign country---she has been replaced by this new version of your wife---and she has herself a lover----she didn't stay true to you, she has given herself to this other man---and at this point, with this new woman, who is agreeable to anything, even while still thinking and longing for her lover, where is your mge really at

As stated above---is she contrite and remorseful, to keep you in place---what else could it be---she admits he is still in her heart, and head----one who loves another---does not cause them the immense/horrible/burning pain your so called loving wife has caused you-----a good mother, would not willingly subject her own flesh and blood kids---to a future, of split homes, or if so decided, a home where there is no trust, there is no love---or if there is, it will only come from you---as her love is meant for another----a good/loving/proper mother, would NEVER do that to her kids------yet this woman, who you are so willing to put everything aside for, no matter what, has done just that to her own kids

You do what you feel is necessary, but go forth with the attitude, that no matter what---you come 1st, the kids 2nd---and your wife---that is gonna be up to what you are willing to put up with---as you finish out your time here on this planet.


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## LRgirl (Apr 9, 2013)

Like others here have said, you can not trust your wife is / has told you the truth about anything. 

She is a proven liar and cheat. 

It doesn't mean she can not change, but it does mean 'they' use a tool called 'damage limitation' and all cheaters use it.

:iagree: with the below.......

**Is that what you want??????----You have to know your sub--conscious is never gonna let it go away---You, know that looking at her triggers you daily----can you live like this---possibly the rest of your life----knowing that for at least 2 months---she was in his arms, in his bed, out and about with him----he was inside of her-----is this not what you see in your head, when you look at her-----how do you stomach that---how can you stand to be near her, it just escapes me---how a cheater, has their fling, and then expects the innocent spouse, to just suck it up, and take them back----and bottom line---somewhere down the line---the cheater does expect the betrayed---to suck it up, and go on as if nothing ever happened----how do you deal with that???????***

I would offer her a polygraph after asking her if she has come clean on ALL counts. Watch her reaction when you ask her to sit one, and give her a few days to think on this, in the meantime tell her you booked it and watch and wait...

You will only get through this if you take the hardest stance...seriously do not hesitate in being ruthless. 

Let us know how you get on.


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