# Porn watching habits



## Todd Haberdasher (Apr 23, 2017)

What habits do you have when it comes to watching pornography?

I have a Favorites folder of about forty to fifty videos. Each of which I have written at least a paragraph of exposition about the scene - how these people know each other, how they came to be in this situation, etc. Some I have written extensively - up to three pages in Microsoft Word - and when I have multiple videos of the same actress I link them together in a narrative.

However, it seems very few men go to all this trouble. My impression is they just click play and start their business.

So I was just curious about how other men interact with porn (outside the obvious).


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## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

Seek Help.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

Find a counselor .... like right now!


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## Todd Haberdasher (Apr 23, 2017)

I spend a large portion of my day with pornography, I don't think it's that outlandish to spend a little time adding context to it. Don't understand those two responses at all.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Third response... gross.


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## Todd Haberdasher (Apr 23, 2017)

Not very sex-positive.


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## sa58 (Feb 26, 2018)

Try going outside more.
There are real people out here!!
Some of them are called counselors!
They can help you!


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## Todd Haberdasher (Apr 23, 2017)

Help with what??? You are all being very judge-y and not very clear.


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## toblerone (Oct 18, 2016)

My porn watching habits:

Grab my **** and double click.


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## Steve2.0 (Dec 11, 2017)

Not only is porn a waste of time and energy but you are wasting even MORE time by documenting and categorizing it

Why? how is it benefiting your life? 
Why not use that time to read a book (learn a skill) or go to the gym and get real women.

This is coming from someone who was addicted to porn... looking back, it did nothing but mess up my current progress towards a normal sexual lifestyle


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

Todd Haberdasher said:


> Not very sex-positive.


Actually, devoting so much time to your porn stash is what's not very sex positive. 

Sex positive means contributing to a healthy sex life. What you are doing is not.


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## happydad (Apr 11, 2016)

Todd Haberdasher said:


> I spend a large portion of my day with pornography, I don't think it's that outlandish to spend a little time adding context to it. Don't understand those two responses at all.


when you say you spend a large portion of your day, does that mean you work in the industry, or is it purely entertainment purposes?


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## WilliamM (Mar 14, 2017)

My wife chooses all our porn.

Is your wife involved in helping you with your collections?


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

sa58 said:


> Try going outside more.
> There are real people out here!!
> Some of them are called counselors!
> They can help you!


This is very true.
There are also people out there called women.
They can help too,unless you can only get off to Pam.
And her five sisters.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Categories of porn? Lol that’s way more time than I need to spend doing that. But guess so long as you want to make that your hobby I guess


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

what is the deal with all the judgmental responses here?

how is it any different from people who write stories for literotica? or is that somehow creepy or messed up too?

come one people... its just a hobby.


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## Todd Haberdasher (Apr 23, 2017)

Steve2.0 said:


> Not only is porn a waste of time and energy but you are wasting even MORE time by documenting and categorizing it
> 
> Why? how is it benefiting your life?
> Why not use that time to read a book (learn a skill) or go to the gym and get real women.
> ...


Can't read a book, can't learn a skill. Not interested in the least in doing either one.

I have a woman, I am married. And from what I can tell, not many women hang out at the gym to "get".

Porn benefits me because men need to have orgasms. Porn allows me to do so.



happydad said:


> when you say you spend a large portion of your day, does that mean you work in the industry, or is it purely entertainment purposes?


Purely entertainment, of course.



WilliamM said:


> My wife chooses all our porn.
> 
> Is your wife involved in helping you with your collections?


My wife has never seen porn and can't even whisper the word "sex". Women hate porn. I understand why, it is extremely unfair competition for them. Like an NFL player signing up for middle school football.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

As'laDain said:


> what is the deal with all the judgmental responses here?
> 
> how is it any different from people who write stories for literotica? or is that somehow creepy or messed up too?
> 
> come one people... its just a hobby.


Holy false equivalencies? Batman!

Consider also the Haberdasher’s other posts. It’s clear his porn use is beyond mild hobby status and well into something unhealthy. 

Nobody’s being judgmental just to be judgmental: we really do want him to find a healthy path, which requires a refocus of his energy and thoughts. It seems unlikely he can do that on his own, which is why we say he should seek help, not to put him down.


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## Todd Haberdasher (Apr 23, 2017)

You can say "not healthy" all you want but having a guaranteed orgasm at least once per day versus having a forty percent chance of one every six months..... who would make a different choice than I have?


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> Holy false equivalencies? Batman!
> 
> *Consider also the Haberdasher’s other posts.* It’s clear his porn use is beyond mild hobby status and well into something unhealthy.
> 
> Nobody’s being judgmental just to be judgmental: we really do want him to find a healthy path, which requires a refocus of his energy and thoughts. It seems unlikely he can do that on his own, which is why we say he should seek help, not to put him down.


looking into that now.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

Todd Haberdasher said:


> You can say "not healthy" all you want but having a guaranteed orgasm at least once per day versus having a forty percent chance of one every six months..... who would make a different choice than I have?


There’s a lot more to health than frequency of orgasms. Committing so much of your life to something you can do without is proof of your lack of mental grounding (you can have orgasms without porn if you really need them, and you certainly don’t need to be playing porn librarian).

You said in one of your other threads your total household income is only 14K. Here’s a perfect example of what I mean. Maybe you should put some of that porn time/energy into finding another job/working harder/developing skills.


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## Todd Haberdasher (Apr 23, 2017)

Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> There’s a lot more to health than frequency of orgasms. Committing so much of your life to something you can do without is proof of your lack of mental grounding (you can have orgasms without porn if you really need them, and you certainly don’t need to be playing porn librarian).
> 
> You said in one of your other threads your total household income is only 14K. Here’s a perfect example of what I mean. Maybe you should put some of that porn time/energy into finding another job/working harder/developing skills.


It's only five minutes per session, at most. Hardly enough to learn to be an evolutionary biologist.


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## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

I don't need porn to give myself an orgasm

Look up no fap.


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## HK56 (Nov 24, 2014)

Very interesting thread. I can only tell you my husband categorised his stash according to the main actress in them, then in alphabetical order. All 3,000 films. Yes, you read that right 3,000!!!! He is ill and needs help. It is not healthy being so preoccupied with pornography when there is a whole world out there.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Maybe, if you put less effort into your porn hobby you could earn more than $14,000 a year and support your family above the level of abject poverty.

How can you even afford a computer and MS Office to maintain your porn collection with that income?


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## [email protected] (Mar 1, 2018)

A culture that averages over five hours a day watching television has no business whatsoever criticizing porn. Television use has well-documented deleterious effects on cognition, especially in children. 

The reason this is relevant is far too many people jump on the mindless guilt-tripping/shaming wagon because our culture loves to embarrass people over sex. If you have an avid hobby you pursue every day, maybe fly fishing with all the magazines and shows, the tying of your own flies and etc. - it is hard to embarrass a person the way you can over sex. With television, despite the well-documented stupefying effects, it is a common addiction. So is caffeine. It is a real physical addiction but it isn't in your private parts so you can't really embarrass people like you can by pointing to their wiener and shrieking. 

To the OP - I haven't looked at porn for gosh, months. When I do, I end up picking women who look like my wife, lol.


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## Edo Edo (Feb 21, 2017)

[email protected] said:


> A culture that averages over five hours a day watching television has no business whatsoever criticizing porn. Television use has well-documented deleterious effects on cognition, especially in children.
> 
> The reason this is relevant is far too many people jump on the mindless guilt-tripping/shaming wagon because our culture loves to embarrass people over sex.



Insightful point here. Before I met my current wife, I dated someone who was very much against porn (for religious reasons), but at the same time we also had an frequent and adventurous sex life together, so porn use was never an issue for me (literally, I would have zero chance to masturbate with her around - which was nice...). Then I discovered that she LOVED the Lifetime Movie Channel, and this made no sense to me. When I confronted her, all she could say was there was a difference, but couldn't really elaborate except one movie had more nudity and the other had more seduction, but still insisted that we (I) never watch porn, but she could watch her LMC movies when she wanted. When I light heartedly joked that "we're already going to hell for what we just did a few hours ago, so really, what's the point?" She replied that maybe a confession would do me good. I rolled my eyes and ended the conversation, but I knew at that moment, the relationship was going to have an end point... 


To the OP: I think porn usage can be good while in a relationship, if used selectively or as a tool. For example, if one partner has a fetish or sexual interest that the other doesn't feel comfortable participating in, then the partner with the fetish should feel comfortable to watch some porn based on that fetish without being judged by their partner. Also, I think porn can be great if the couple watches together. However, you can't it go overboard. If porn usage causes you to refuse sex with your partner or interferes with your daily life, then it's being taken way too far and you need to take a step back and evaluate your priorities...


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

[email protected] said:


> A culture that averages over five hours a day watching television has no business whatsoever criticizing porn. Television use has well-documented deleterious effects on cognition, especially in children.
> 
> The reason this is relevant is far too many people jump on the mindless guilt-tripping/shaming wagon because our culture loves to embarrass people over sex. If you have an avid hobby you pursue every day, maybe fly fishing with all the magazines and shows, the tying of your own flies and etc. - it is hard to embarrass a person the way you can over sex. With television, despite the well-documented stupefying effects, it is a common addiction. So is caffeine. It is a real physical addiction but it isn't in your private parts so you can't really embarrass people like you can by pointing to their wiener and shrieking.
> 
> To the OP - I haven't looked at porn for gosh, months. When I do, I end up picking women who look like my wife, lol.


Oh, the false equivalencies are rampant on this thread! 

Nobody’s “jumping on a porn shaming bandwagon” here. It’s about the extent of the activity more than the activity itself. And yes, we’d be making similar comments if he was spending five hours a day watching TV or playing golf instead of finishing his degree or just getting a better job.

“A culture has no business criticizing....”
What the hell does that mean? Our culture has a lot of gun violence; does that mean nobody can call out the shooters?

It isn’t a culture criticizing here.. it’s people who have rightfully recognized an unhealthy behavior. If OP had a decent job and treated his wife well, I doubt most of us would be saying much of anything—we certainly wouldn’t be porn shaming


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## WilliamM (Mar 14, 2017)

I still think you should include your wife. 

I don’t think the hobby you outlined takes much time, so using that time in other ways isn’t a concern. Sounds like you might spend less time on it than I spend watching commercials in The Price Is Right, which I watch every day with my wife.

I just think it’s so messed up that you don’t include your wife in your pornography hobby.

Somehow you two should find each other. 

I can’t possibly speak for your wife, but you are totally wrong about women in general. I can’t help but think your ideas about women may poison any possible gains in your own relationship, because you wouldn’t accept your wife being curious about sex.

That’s the kind of dysfunction I see.

Sorry about that.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Todd Haberdasher said:


> You can say "not healthy" all you want but having a guaranteed orgasm at least once per day versus having a forty percent chance of one every six months..... who would make a different choice than I have?


Aren't you the one who only (supposedly) makes $14,000 a year? No wonder you have all this time to waste on porn narratives.

How the hell do you_* afford *_the internet on $14,000 a year? Now THAT would be an interesting 'narrative' to read.


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## Whatsright86 (Jun 24, 2017)

i read a thread somewhere about someone saying he knew he had serious porn issues when he needed several tabs of porn videos playing to get off an orgasm. I do think porn is really a drug and once you're used to a certain dose, you need to up that dose to get off. That's what happened to me. I would get bored too easily and needed more and more "intense" videos. If a certain video didn't do it for me, I'd search for another one. Unfortunately, reality doesn't work that way. Real sex doesn't play out whenever and however you like it. Real sex with your woman is always the same woman. Porn, on the other hand, is limitless.

porn ruined my sex life with my STBXW wife and i cut it off, never going back again. Hope it doesn't happen to anyone because it's so easy to dragged down. It's free, and the effects aren't visible until it's too late.


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## [email protected] (Mar 1, 2018)

Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> Oh, the false equivalencies are rampant on this thread!


You should learn your logical fallacies before asserting them. Straw man.




> Nobody’ “jumping on a porn shaming bandwagon” here.


lol. These are not the droids you're looking for. 



> It’s about the extent of the activity more than the activity itself.


Oh really? And what extent would that be, exactly? He's saying* five minutes* per "session". So you're getting your panties in a bunch over minutes a day on something? 

Thank you for proving my point!



> And yes, we’d be making similar comments if he was spending five hours a day watching TV or planting golf instead of finishing his degree or just getting a better job.


Bizarre. The average american spends MORE than five hours a day on television and there isn't a single thread anywhere on this site complaining about it.

Proof you are contradicting yourself. The question is what he does spend the majority of time on during the day. It certainly isn't porn.

But you don't care. Not one tiny bit of concern about what he's actually wasting his time on. Who knows - video games, television, drinking... 

but it isn't porn. Most likely - television. 



> “A culture has no business criticizing....”
> What the hell does that mean? Our culture has a lot of gun violence; does that mean nobody can call out the shooters?


You seem incapable of simple logic in addition to not knowing your logical fallacies. Explaining it to you is obviously futile. 



> It isn’t a culture criticizing here.. it’s people who have rightfully recognized an unhealthy behavior. If OP had a decent job and treated his wife well, I doubt most of us would be saying much of anything—we certainly wouldn’t be porn shaming


Again, thank you for proving my point. 

He's got 23 hours and 55 minutes a day of non-porn time. You only concern yourself with the 3/10ths of 1% of the time he is looking at porn. Because porn shaming is so trivially easy to do and gets you virtue-signalling points with other PC individuals. 

But it has little to do with this guy's life. I mentioned television because it is by far the one thing the vast majority of americans can cut down on that would drastically improve all manner of things in their marriages. You obviously are all defensive about it, as is anyone who watches a lot of television, because you would never consider giving it up despite the fact you do order of magnitude more of it than this guy's porn use. 

For this guy too, cutting back on television is going to free up HOURS a day instead of minutes a day. And an orgasm has all kinds of health benefits I would hesitate to recommend anyone give up.


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## Steve2.0 (Dec 11, 2017)

Todd Haberdasher said:


> You can say "not healthy" all you want but having a guaranteed orgasm at least once per day versus having a forty percent chance of one every six months..... who would make a different choice than I have?


Clearly you can spend all your porn energy on things that will improve your wifes attraction to you... and increase your chances of real sex.

You can read "mindful attraction plan" really good book... although you said you cant read or learn anything... so go back to masturbating instead of being attractive to your wife


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## Mommame2 (Oct 8, 2017)

Todd Haberdasher said:


> It's only five minutes per session, at most. Hardly enough to learn to be an evolutionary biologist.




This is really confusing.

You spend a large portion of your day with porn, but a 'session' is only five minutes. You claim to work 60 hours a week, but I'm reading that you make $14,000 a year. You can't read or learn new skills. 

Help me with this riddle, what am I missing?

Or you an aspiring porn producer? 


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

[email protected] said:


> You should learn your logical fallacies before asserting them. Straw man.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


You equated thing which have significant differences—ergo false equivalency. You may disagree that there’s any difference of significance, but based on my belief that there is, this is the correct choice of logical fallacy.

And if you haven’t seen any threads where a spouse complains about their partner spending too much time on the couch in front of the tv, you haven’t been here long or you haven’t been paying attention 

As for the five minutes per session, that’s just the fapping; if you had read the very first post in the thread, you would have seen that OP, by his own admission, spends a great deal of time collecting, cataloging, and reviewing, aside from the time actually spent watching and masturbating. Your statement that he has 23 hrs55 mins of non pirn time per day is so far off the mark as to discredit your entire line of thinking here. Even OP himself has stated otherwise


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Too much of anything can take time from other activities one may need to do more of. That's just a fact. It's a matter of priorities.


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## Todd Haberdasher (Apr 23, 2017)

Edo Edo said:


> If porn usage causes you to refuse sex with your partner or interferes with your daily life, then it's being taken way too far and you need to take a step back and evaluate your priorities...


It seems to be taken for granted around here that sex with another person is better than masturbation. Why? I think if we all look at this objectively we will find that there is little reason to think so, and maybe even there is reason to go the other way.



WilliamM said:


> I just think it’s so messed up that you don’t include your wife in your pornography hobby.
> 
> Somehow you two should find each other.
> 
> I can’t possibly speak for your wife, but you are totally wrong about women in general. I can’t help but think your ideas about women may poison any possible gains in your own relationship, because you wouldn’t accept your wife being curious about sex.


If I involved my wife, and just ignoring the fact that she would be super disgusted by it (she can't even whisper the word "sex" to her husband, what do you think her level of curiosity would be) what would be the upside? That she would want to have sex with me? That's what I'm avoiding! 

I wouldn't have a problem getting sex from her if that's what I wanted, but try to understand that is NOT WHAT I WANT.

What would a woman even do while watching porn anyway? There's no real plot to speak of and she'd have to avert her eyes when the graphic parts come on.



She'sStillGotIt said:


> Aren't you the one who only (supposedly) makes $14,000 a year? No wonder you have all this time to waste on porn narratives.
> 
> How the hell do you_* afford *_the internet on $14,000 a year? Now THAT would be an interesting 'narrative' to read.


I pay $65 a month for Internet. That's $780 a year. A little over five percent of my income.



Steve2.0 said:


> Clearly you can spend all your porn energy on things that will improve your wifes attraction to you... and increase your chances of real sex.
> 
> You can read "mindful attraction plan" really good book... although you said you cant read or learn anything... so go back to masturbating instead of being attractive to your wife


Again, not what I want. My current situation is the ideal one. I didn't start this thread to get people shaming me for avoiding something that disgusts me, I just wanted to discuss interesting ways to interact with porn that I hadn't thought of!



Mommame2 said:


> This is really confusing.
> 
> You spend a large portion of your day with porn, but a 'session' is only five minutes. You claim to work 60 hours a week, but I'm reading that you make $14,000 a year. You can't read or learn new skills.


The "large portion" includes not only the actual physical act 2-3 times a day, it also includes the time I spend idly thinking about porn and the time I spend searching out new content.

I previously worked sixty hours a week. I determined after about six months of that that I could support my family doing far less work, and I have done so. Don't understand the shaming going on (why don't you get a "real job"). I support my family. I make enough to meet our monthly obligations. That is a real job.

I know how to read (obviously) but when I try to do so, after a paragraph my head is swimming and I have no idea what I just read. Especially if it is something I am not interested in, which is pretty much everything you would find in a book.

I can't learn new skills. It's just not one of my abilities. I'm trying my best with what I know how to do now.


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## Maxwedge 413 (Apr 16, 2014)

Okay, so you're happy with your current quality of life and hobbies. You did not come here looking for a life-coach, or all the expert advice everyone is giving you.

Understood.

Forgive me but I guess I'm going to make a suggestion as well. Maybe you could look for work as a porn film reviewer. Take your writings and have them published by the adult film magazines and dailies. I mean, the adult film industry is huge and there is an established market for reviewers. Maybe submit some of your writings? Even mild reviewers like Mr. Skin get National recognition and probably make more than 14k for it. Then you could do what you already enjoy, but more so, with some financial reward.


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## Todd Haberdasher (Apr 23, 2017)

Maxwedge 413 said:


> Forgive me but I guess I'm going to make a suggestion as well. Maybe you could look for work as a porn film reviewer. Take your writings and have them published by the adult film magazines and dailies. I mean, the adult film industry is huge and there is an established market for reviewers. Maybe submit some of your writings? Even mild reviewers like Mr. Skin get National recognition and probably make more than 14k for it. Then you could do what you already enjoy, but more so, with some financial reward.


Perhaps I did a poor job in communicating what it is I do. I don't "review" the porn so much as I write narratives to fill in the gaping holes the plots have. It is more akin to writing fan-fiction that wraps around the existing body of work.

I've been doing this in one form or another since I first encountered porn at age 20. I just don't know how others can just sit down and watch it and not be curious how this blonde girl came to find herself in this warehouse with these nine black guys.


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## Maxwedge 413 (Apr 16, 2014)

Ah, I see. Then you could be a writer of erotica. You could write books of short fiction, inspired by your favorite porn films. These would definately sell. Heck, even the Fabio Novels at the grocery store are borderline pornography. But i think you are a very rare bird in your writing pursuits. The vast majority of porn users are just there for cheap visual thrills. Who cares how she got there - It's what she's doing now that will get the end result (for most viewers), and then they can turn it off and go to sleep, or cut the grass, or whatever else will take up the other 23 hours of that day.

Not saying there's anything wrong with your hobby.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Todd Haberdasher said:


> It seems to be taken for granted around here that sex with another person is better than masturbation. Why? I think if we all look at this objectively we will find that there is little reason to think so, and maybe even there is reason to go the other way.
> 
> I wouldn't have a problem getting sex from her if that's what I wanted, but try to understand that is NOT WHAT I WANT.
> 
> I can't learn new skills. It's just not one of my abilities. I'm trying my best with what I know how to do now.


I guess this pretty much sums it up. From what I'm reading:
You prefer masturbation and porn to having sex with your wife.
You lack the ability to learn new skills. 
You are happy working two days a week in a warehouse.
You enjoy writing erotica to fill in the gaps you see in the porn you watch.

Okay. That's fine with me. You life. Your choices.

You are bogus. This thread is bogus. 

Carry on.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

What were the OP's words....."everyone thinks it's better to have sex with a woman than themselves"?
This forum doesn't seem like it's for you. Each to their own. As Prodigal says...carry on.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

I often feel that people's life choices are their own - but not if those choices negatively affect other people.

If someone wants to sit alone and watch porn rather than be in a relationship, that's fine. Really - I have absolutely no objection. 

Where it gets trickier though is when that person is in a permanent relationship. 

I think there are expectations on marriage, as well as on the rest of life. Those can be canceled by a previous agreement, but otherwise: 

When you marry, there is an expectation of intimacy, love and sex. Its OK to not want those things, but then you shouldn't get married. 

Its OK to live in the hills as a hermit if you want. It stops being OK when you expect other people to support you doing that. I think everyone is expected to contribute to the common good a level that is commensurate with their abilities. That doesn't mean you need to kill yourself working, but if you are able you should try to work enough to not need outside support. If you can't that is OK, but I think everyone should make the effort. 






Prodigal said:


> I guess this pretty much sums it up. From what I'm reading:
> You prefer masturbation and porn to having sex with your wife.
> You lack the ability to learn new skills.
> You are happy working two days a week in a warehouse.
> ...


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## introvert (May 30, 2016)

Todd Haberdasher said:


> Perhaps I did a poor job in communicating what it is I do. I don't "review" the porn so much as I write narratives to fill in the gaping holes the plots have. It is more akin to writing fan-fiction that wraps around the existing body of work.
> 
> I've been doing this in one form or another since I first encountered porn at age 20. _I just don't know how others can just sit down and watch it and not be curious how this blonde girl came to find herself in this warehouse with these nine black guys._


Oh my god...I have that kind of brain as well! I have to make something "make sense" to get into it. I'm like that in everything, not just porn.

And to correct you, I'm a woman and I love porn. 

I can't wait to tell my long suffering girlfriend that there's another person out there with the same obsession!


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> Holy false equivalencies? Batman!
> 
> Consider also the Haberdasher’s other posts. It’s clear his porn use is beyond mild hobby status and well into something unhealthy.
> 
> Nobody’s being judgmental just to be judgmental: we really do want him to find a healthy path, which requires a refocus of his energy and thoughts. It seems unlikely he can do that on his own, which is why we say he should seek help, not to put him down.


i reviewed his posts and nothing seems to stand out that says he is doing anything more than enjoying a simple hobby. 

if he had said it was gardening that he spends five to fifteen minutes a day doing, you wouldnt have said a thing about it. even if he talked about how he likes to arrange planters so that the flowers flow from one to the other, arranging them so that they transition in the pattern of a rainbow, etc. i seriously doubt you would have said he needed help if he said his hobby was gardening. 

i used to have a hobby that i spent an average of five to seven hours a day doing. you might call THAT unhealthy until i mention that i was single at the time and it was long distance running, ultra-marathons. 

this phrase you keep throwing around... "false equivalencies" 

i do not think it means what you think it means.


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

introvert said:


> Oh my god...I have that kind of brain as well! I have to make something "make sense" to get into it. I'm like that in everything, not just porn.
> 
> And to correct you, I'm a woman and I love porn.
> 
> I can't wait to tell my long suffering girlfriend that there's another person out there with the same obsession!


to be honest, im a guy and i do the same thing. i actually prefer erotic stories on literotica though. well written ones. im not a fan of most romance novels though, since most of them are written fairly poorly.


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## rockon (May 18, 2016)

Was wondering how long it would take this guy to get banned.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

rockon said:


> Was wondering how long it would take this guy to get banned.


Same. I figured it was a sock-puppet account for someone who's already been repeatedly banned. Something about the combination of the lifestyle, attitudes, and behaviors the poster was self-describing, coupled with a very high degree of literacy, articulation, free time, and computer access, just didn't ring true. It just felt like the poster was a college-educated person with enough job/financial stability to spend significant time playing on the internet, masquerading as his own caricature-like impression of what a poverty-stricken hillbilly misogynist would be like.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

Rowan said:


> Same. I figured it was a sock-puppet account for someone who's already been repeatedly banned. Something about the combination of the lifestyle, attitudes, and behaviors the poster was self-describing, coupled with a very high degree of literacy, articulation, free time, and computer access, just didn't ring true. * It just felt like the poster was a college-educated person with enough job/financial stability to spend significant time playing on the internet, masquerading as his own caricature-like impression of what a poverty-stricken hillbilly misogynist would be like.*


Maybe so. Sadly, I've been buying it because I actually know people like him irl.

Did I ever tell you guys about the time I bought my Aunt books for Christmas? To give you some background, I have always been a voracious reader. Mysteries, Sci-Fi, romance, urban fantasy, history, etc. I used to have to smuggle books into my room because my dad thought reading outside of school was a waste of time when I could be doing useful chores. I had to do most of my reading secretly. You know how kids will hide in the shower to Jack or Jill off? I'd run the shower and sit on the floor to read. I'd also stay up late and read while everyone was asleep.

Our family grew and it became too expensive for everyone to buy for everyone else and all of the kids. So, we started a drawing. The first year after the drawing was instituted I got my Aunt. Who is my age and a friend from school that happened to meet and marry my dad's older brother. She and I have always been close and enjoy the same things. I was really into an urban fantasy series at the time, I thought she'd love it, so I bought her the first 4 books for Christmas.

I kid you not, there was a whole discussion among the men that started with "I don't like women reading books. It gives them ideas. They stop..." I had to quit listening after that or I'd have hit someone. 

In OP's other thread he talks about living on $1100 and some change per month. He also mentions he doesn't buy groceries and says "Who does that?" or something similar. I started out poor. I knew a lot of people in the hood, where I could afford to live, who have said the exact same thing! There are people who really do think $20,000 a year is good money! There are also a lot of people who live on state and federal aid and who know exactly how much they can make before their aid gets reduced. So, they stay below that threshold because they know if they exceed that threshold they cannot make up the difference between the amount cut and what they can bring in due to being minimum wage earners or part time workers. Barely scraping by and being one accident or broken part away from disaster is their normal.

Some posters you guys think are living under a bridge remind me of people I have known.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

As'laDain said:


> i reviewed his posts and nothing seems to stand out that says he is doing anything more than enjoying a simple hobby.
> 
> if he had said it was gardening that he spends five to fifteen minutes a day doing, you wouldnt have said a thing about it. even if he talked about how he likes to arrange planters so that the flowers flow from one to the other, arranging them so that they transition in the pattern of a rainbow, etc. i seriously doubt you would have said he needed help if he said his hobby was gardening.
> 
> ...


Broaden your aperture to the big picture, not just specifically how much time is spent on porn. OP's other posts show a whole lot of problems in his life, and they are all interrelated. The level of porn involvement is symptomatic of the broader issues in his life. In turn, putting so much emphasis there is not helping solve those issues. 

Dude's life/work/marriage are all a mess, and the various failures feed off and reinforce each other. Remember what I said earlier--If he had a decent job and a healthy marriage, nobody would criticize his rather unusual porn involvement.


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## Maxwedge 413 (Apr 16, 2014)

My wife's sister is very open minded, intelligent, funny and kind. But she seems perfectly content to live in poverty. She has been offered college by her mother, a place to stay by her family, etc. many times over her adult life (now 44 yo) but is happy as long as she can pay her low rent and afford junk food and cheap vodka.

We worry about her constantly as just one bad fall, or diagnosis (she is very overweight w/ a family history of diabetes, cancer and heart issues) would put her in a home or ?

Sister was given the same upbringing and opportunities as my Wife, who went to college and got her Masters from a well-known Medical University. Sister simply has no drive or ability for long-term planning.

While I thought OP was making bad life choices, I never felt he was a troll as I too know people like this (sister included - work ethic anyway). Some people are the grasshopper, and others are the ants.


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> Broaden your aperture to the big picture, not just specifically how much time is spent on porn. OP's other posts show a whole lot of problems in his life, and they are all interrelated. The level of porn involvement is symptomatic of the broader issues in his life. In turn, putting so much emphasis there is not helping solve those issues.
> 
> Dude's life/work/marriage are all a mess, and the various failures feed off and reinforce each other. Remember what I said earlier--*If he had a decent job and a healthy marriage, nobody would criticize his rather unusual porn involvement*.



with that logic, ANY hobby would be indicative of a problem. dont make a lot of money and have marriage problems?
AH, its the woodworking that indicates the problem! or the gardening. or its those model airplanes he spends fifteen minutes a day building. its all that energy he puts into those fifteen minutes that causes his problems. 

no, nobody would say that. they would likely tell him that so long as it isn't hurting his situation and he gets something out of it, its fine. but, since his hobby involves porn, people immediately decide to start picking everything apart to justify their reaction to it. 

im not buying it.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

As'laDain said:


> with that logic, ANY hobby would be indicative of a problem. dont make a lot of money and have marriage problems?
> AH, its the woodworking that indicates the problem! or the gardening. or its those model airplanes he spends fifteen minutes a day building. its all that energy he puts into those fifteen minutes that causes his problems.
> 
> no, nobody would say that. they would likely tell him that so long as it isn't hurting his situation and he gets something out of it, its fine. but, since his hobby involves porn, people immediately decide to start picking everything apart to justify their reaction to it.
> ...


We still seem to have a disconnect as to just how much time is going into this hobby. 

He's not just loading up and tossing off for a few minutes each day. He's researching, cataloging, and actually writing backstories for these movies. I doubt he's doing this in just a few minutes. Really, only professional writers crank out copy quickly, and I'm pretty sure this guy's no pro. 

You can bet two holes to a donut that whatever amount of time he's admitting to, the actual amount of time is much more than that. 

Dude works two days a week but has the opportunity to work more. That tells me all I need to know.


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

MJJEAN said:


> Maybe so. Sadly, I've been buying it because I actually know people like him irl.
> 
> Did I ever tell you guys about the time I bought my Aunt books for Christmas? To give you some background, I have always been a voracious reader. Mysteries, Sci-Fi, romance, urban fantasy, history, etc. I used to have to smuggle books into my room because my dad thought reading outside of school was a waste of time when I could be doing useful chores. I had to do most of my reading secretly. You know how kids will hide in the shower to Jack or Jill off? I'd run the shower and sit on the floor to read. I'd also stay up late and read while everyone was asleep.
> 
> ...


ha! my sister is EXACTLY like that. i always found it odd. i am so used to not spending money on myself that when left to my own devices, my normal is having a surplus. i made about a hundred thousand dollars that last year before i joined the army. i spent a little over five grand on living expenses. some of it i spent on activities, trips, things to do with friends. most of it i gave away. 

my wife is pretty bad with money, though she seems to be learning how i view money. i have always looked at money as nothing more than a means to get what i need, and sometimes to get what i want. so, on my own, i don't spend much. im still not sure if my wife even thinks about what money is for... she doesn't seem any more or less happy with more or less money, but she will spend every cent she has if left to her own devices. 

my sister looks for the bare minimum she needs and works just enough to get it. if she has more than she needs at any particular time, she spends it immediately.


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> We still seem to have a disconnect as to just how much time is going into this hobby.
> 
> He's not just loading up and tossing off for a few minutes each day. He's researching, cataloging, and actually writing backstories for these movies. I doubt he's doing this in just a few minutes. Really, only professional writers crank out copy quickly, and I'm pretty sure this guy's no pro.
> 
> ...


no it doesnt. 

a friend of mind works about the same, but probably makes more than you and i combined. he doesnt work any more than he does because his lifestyle suits him. and the only reason nobody says anything about it is because he makes a lot of money.


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## Um Excuse Me (Feb 3, 2018)

..


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

As'laDain said:


> no it doesnt.
> 
> a friend of mind works about the same, but probably makes more than you and i combined. he doesnt work any more than he does because his lifestyle suits him. and the only reason nobody says anything about it is because he makes a lot of money.


Oh, but it does, and you have shared yourself the key difference here. Your friend makes plenty of money (which is what makes this yet another a false equivalency—these two situations are not equivalent). You may say it’s the same because both are satisfied with their current lifestyle. But another key and crucial difference remains. Not just that OP makes less money, but how much less he makes. He’s on public assistance! He’s able bodied, has the opportunity to work more, and doesn’t, and as a result, receives assistance he has no business receiving. He may be satisfied with his lifestyle, but it comes at others’ expense, when it need not be. What’s worse, he’s doing this with a wife and two children. It’s reprehensible. This person is exhibiting piss poor moral character. 

I’m not a porn shamer, but in this case, the extent of usage is part of his lifestyle which he is not paying for. That makes it shame worthy. It’s also not just like any other hobby inasmuch as his marriage is a dumpster fire. In such a situation, it’s hard to make the case that this is merely a harmless hobby. He has stated himself that he doesn’t find his wife attractive and he uses porn as a substitute. Well, that’s never a path to fixing a marriage. Even frequent porn users will admit that. Again, if he had his marriage in order, and porn use was part of an otherwise healthy relationship, not many would be saying anything about it. 

A little creative writing as part of a well rounded life would by itself raise no flags, but this guy’s whole life is an obstacle course of red flags. He needs help.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Why the heck would you write about a porn scene? They are all crap! Hell even some original erotica with just words is so much better than what porn producers pump out these days!

If you like some 'third person perspective' in your sex life just get some mirrors Id say


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## CatholicDad (Oct 30, 2017)

Edo Edo said:


> [email protected] said:
> 
> 
> > A culture that averages over five hours a day watching television has no business whatsoever criticizing porn. Television use has well-documented deleterious effects on cognition, especially in children.
> ...


You don't see the difference between her watching romance movies versus you watching porn? The latter involves you stroking yourself.


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## CatholicDad (Oct 30, 2017)

I think the insight here is that porn is always wrong... rich or poor, married or not. It is just a really low class and sad way to spend time.


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## Edo Edo (Feb 21, 2017)

CatholicDad said:


> I think the insight here is that porn is always wrong... rich or poor, married or not. It is just a really low class and sad way to spend time.



Not all of us are Catholic, Dad...

By the way among other things, Jesus also preached, "Judge not, lest ye be judged."


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## Edo Edo (Feb 21, 2017)

CatholicDad said:


> You don't see the difference between her watching romance movies versus you watching porn? The latter involves you stroking yourself.



You've obviously never watched the Lifetime Movie Channel after 8:00 pm...


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## [email protected] (Mar 1, 2018)

CatholicDad said:


> I think the insight here is that porn is always wrong... rich or poor, married or not. It is just a really low class and sad way to spend time.


That isn't an insight. It's merely a personal attack.


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## Johann Sebastian (Mar 20, 2018)

I suppose with any behavior you have to analyze the consequences and determine whether that is a behavior you want to continue doing. In a cost-benefit analysis, you look at both the short term and long term benefits of your behavior, and weigh them against the short term and long term costs, and then decide if it's worth it. If the porn viewing is interfering with your real world sex life and your relationship with your wife, then maybe it's not worth it. On the other hand, if there are no negative consequences of any importance, such as if your wife knows and has no objection, and you are not inflicted with some sort of sexual dysfunction caused by porn viewing, and you are not wasting 23 hours of every day online, then maybe you might decide no harm, no foul. 

TLDR; personal choice, and personal responsibility.


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## Lovingwife71 (Mar 28, 2018)

Todd Haberdasher said:


> Can't read a book, can't learn a skill. Not interested in the least in doing either one.
> 
> I have a woman, I am married. And from what I can tell, not many women hang out at the gym to "get".
> 
> ...


WOW! Talk about not being sex positive, that was WAY negative. Have you ever suggested a DECENT porn movie to your wife? To say that "all women hate porn" is an untrue generalization. That would be like saying, ALL men cheat or ALL men beat their wives. That is simply not true and very unfair to say. First of all, not ALL women hate porn second of all, porn isn't a competition for women (at least if YOU aren't making it that way). If you are watching porn with your wife talking about how beautiful that woman is and how you would love to do her and you wish she was there in bed with you instead of your wife, then yes, it would be an unfair competition, otherwise, it is just yet another one, of many tools, to enhance your sex life. It should not dominate it however. Third, TRUST ME on this, not all of the women in porn are better than us real life counterparts  I have NEVER had ANY complaints in ANY department when it comes to sex. Could I do it more often? Yes, of course. I don't think my husband would ever complain that we have TOO MUCH sex. But what we do have................................:wink2:
If you think your wife is so much of a prude that you need to spend so much of your life in a non-constructive, unhealthy way (because it IS unhealthy) then you need to talk to her. If you can't talk to her about it, you don't have a strong marriage to begin with. If she is unable to meet any of your sexual needs, she may not be the woman for you. You said, "And from what I can tell, not many women hang out at the gym to "get"." You did not say that because you are married, you are not interested in picking up other women. That tells me that if there were other women to "get", you would do that. That is also a problem in your marriage. Your wife is not the only problem, you are part of the problem as well. You should try marriage counseling, individual counseling (I don't think people here were trying to be funny by saying that) or divorce. If you two aren't meeting each other's needs, maybe you both need to find others who can/will. Just my observations.


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## Lovingwife71 (Mar 28, 2018)

Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> Oh, but it does, and you have shared yourself the key difference here. Your friend makes plenty of money (which is what makes this yet another a false equivalency—these two situations are not equivalent). You may say it’s the same because both are satisfied with their current lifestyle. But another key and crucial difference remains. Not just that OP makes less money, but how much less he makes. He’s on public assistance! He’s able bodied, has the opportunity to work more, and doesn’t, and as a result, receives assistance he has no business receiving. He may be satisfied with his lifestyle, but it comes at others’ expense, when it need not be. What’s worse, he’s doing this with a wife and two children. It’s reprehensible. This person is exhibiting piss poor moral character.
> 
> I’m not a porn shamer, but in this case, the extent of usage is part of his lifestyle which he is not paying for. That makes it shame worthy. It’s also not just like any other hobby inasmuch as his marriage is a dumpster fire. In such a situation, it’s hard to make the case that this is merely a harmless hobby. He has stated himself that he doesn’t find his wife attractive and he uses porn as a substitute. Well, that’s never a path to fixing a marriage. Even frequent porn users will admit that. Again, if he had his marriage in order, and porn use was part of an otherwise healthy relationship, not many would be saying anything about it.
> 
> A little creative writing as part of a well rounded life would by itself raise no flags, but this guy’s whole life is an obstacle course of red flags. He needs help.



I answered the OP before reading all of this. I came back and read through all of your responses to "Assinine" (that's what I will call them because that's what their responses are-LOL). I had OP, his problems, and his disaster of a life and marriage all figured out without even reading any of his other threads. You are completely accurate with everything you are saying and don't need to keep justifying yourself to Asladaine. For them to say that nobody would be saying anything about it if the hobby was gardening or woodworking is absurd. All other things being equal, if OP was replacing his time with his wife/family with gardening or woodworking and it was interfering with his daily life and relationships, it ABSOLUTELY would be just as much of a problem. The fact that it happens to be porn is subjective really. The problem with it being porn is that, it IS interfering with their sex life, and with amount of time he MUST be spending to do the things he says he is doing with the porn, it is a colossal waste of time that could be spent working and earning a living, taking care of his family. Instead of leaving that up to US working people. He is the one who is making porn an unfair competition for his wife. It doesn't matter what the hobby/pastime is, if it is taking up so much time that it interferes with daily life, it is dysfunctional, period.
You are completely accurate in everything you have said and need no justification. And just because Asladaine may know other people like OP irl, doesn't make it right or better.
I have enjoyed your responses. You are very insightful.


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## stretch23 (Apr 5, 2018)

This cat, the OP that is, has to be trolling.


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## LuckyM (Apr 8, 2018)

This criticism is way over the top.
If the porn viewing is not interfering with his
work or job or health or bothering anyone else
or taking away someone else's time on the computer,

so what? Sure there are better ways to spend one's time
but why judge so harshly? Also depends on his age and what
he does besides this, and his life background.
It is no worse than playing endless video games.


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## Daisy12 (Jul 10, 2016)

I’m not posting to promote or vilify porn but in my experience with porn nearly destroyed me and my marriage. 

If you are using porn to escape a problem than it will become a problem in your life and marriage. If your mutualy using it to enhance your marriage than all the power to you. To each their own.


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## Luvher4life (Jan 15, 2016)

Absolutely nothing in this world surprises me anymore. This man's story is sad. The part of his story that bothers me most is the relationship he has with his wife. It is truly dysfunctional with zero intimacy and communication. I guess if what he is doing and living with suits him and his wife, then more power to him. I do know there's a better life for them if he decides that's what he wants.

I can tell by his writing style that he is too intelligent to limit himself the way he does in life. He just has to decide if he is satisfied with the way things are or not.

I know people similar to him in real life, too. I don't see them changing either. They are happy (or at least satisfied) with the status quo, and lack the motivation or desire for a more comfortable life.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

LuckyM said:


> This criticism is way over the top.
> If the porn viewing is not interfering with his
> work or job or health or bothering anyone else
> or taking away someone else's time on the computer,
> ...


So you either missed or ignored:
That his marriage is a dumpster fire in a train wreck. Porn is not helping.
Although being able bodied and having the opportunity to work, he has no full time job and is on public assistance, but he still somehow has plenty of time for porn. 

We would be levying the exact same criticism if he was playing endless video games. As a few of us have said, sometimes more than once, if he had his house in order, we wouldn't say boo about his porn.


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