# Bring on the Taboo-



## Sue4473 (May 29, 2018)

The man I’m with now likes to explore- and I’m open to doing more things. He mentioned this and said he was still debating it, as he thought maybe it was a little degrading. I told him it’s not degrading if both parties agree and have trust and know that it’s not taken in a bad context.

But I know he wants to do it. I’m just worried about my eyes lol 

Thoughts?

Sue-


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## rinnylong (Mar 10, 2020)

I think that if both partners agree to something it shouldn't be frowned upon. Think about it first, hopefully you wont feel degraded. I asked my partner a long time ago to try a few things that I thought I wanted. He did them, and during and after I didnt feel good about it. I almost cried. Maybe talk about it before and agree you are ready to try it. And agree to talk about it after, I think that is what I was missing. Talk about how that felt for you and if you would do it again.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

If those things involve not dirt, nor poop, then, try, then, cry not, later.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Sue4473 said:


> The man I’m with now likes to explore- and I’m open to doing more things. He mentioned this and said he was still debating it, as he thought maybe it was a little degrading. I told him it’s not degrading if both parties agree and have trust and know that it’s not taken in a bad context.
> 
> But I know he wants to do it. I’m just worried about my eyes lol
> 
> ...


Good communication is key

Not to pry, if you're comfortable sharing what's the ask?


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

If both parties agree to something, then have at it. Try it once, if you don't like it then don't do it again. If you do like it, then cool.

I wouldn't want cum in my eyes, but to each their own. I'm assuming that's what the activity is based on "I'm worried about my eyes". I could be totally wrong...


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## EveningThoughts (Jul 12, 2018)

Worried about your eyes?!
What kind of taboo is this?

If it's finishing on your face, then yes it can sting if it gets in your eyes. 
So eyes closed or wear sexy glasses.
And hair up if you dont want to have to wash it again.

You are open to explore, but do you want to explore degradation? 
It sounds more like he wants to try it rather than need it in a partner, so it will probably all be good fun.
But if it does turn out to be a need/kink, then experimenting will help you understand if it's for you going forward.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

You are all guessing wrong on the eyes thing.
He wants to try it with the lights on. 
She is afraid of staring at the ceiling light.
There are 2 solutions, use a lamp, or try cowgirl (which might just be too taboo).


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Seriously, the topic of bringing up secret fantasies or trying out taboos is a complex issue to negotiate in a relationship.

First the person who has the secret desire my not know if they really want to do it. They may also be embarrassed and afraid it will change the attitude of the person they say it to. 

The person being told may panic and change their view of the person asking. This is why the person being told should than the person sharing tell them they will study the request, see if they can comply within their boundaries or if they can figure out something that might be close enough to provide some of the same feelings via a role playing scenario.

For example, let's say person A wants to do anal and person B is never going to actually do anal for boundary reasons. Person B and A can talk about it. Person B can suggest buying a Fleshlight Anal shaped masturbation sleeve, doing role playing where B assumes a different identity gets into a doggy style stance, holds the fleshlight between her legs, looks over her shoulder at A and urges him on. That allows B to say it wasn't her that did that and tell herself she really didn't allow herself to be taken anally. It provides A with some of the mind imagery and sensations in a way that B can handle.

The example of wearing glasses during a "fascial" was another example of figuring out how to do something "similar" that doesn't violation one's boundaries. 

Role playing between an involved, loving couple with strong communication skills can bridge the gap between fantasy and reality in a way that both can accept.

Good luck, talk about things, explore alternates that don't cross your boundaries, but may possibly trigger the deep emotional imagery of fantasies.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

I disagree with the something similar theory. It hasn't worked for me. For example.
I asked for Black lipstick. She said she would look for some.
Then she said, weeks later, Maybe a dark purple.
Then another week later a dark purpley red.
I said never mind. 2 reasons. Red is not black, at all. And 2 by then I wasn't interested any more. Not only had the time passed, she had clearly demonstrated that she had zero interest.
If you have a boundary, just have it.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

In an ideal situation, either person feels comfortable bringing up any fantasy that they want and their partner feels comfortable turning it down, or trying it once and they deciding that they don't like it.


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## MaiChi (Jun 20, 2018)

Sue4473 said:


> The man I’m with now likes to explore- and I’m open to doing more things. He mentioned this and said he was still debating it, as he thought maybe it was a little degrading. I told him it’s not degrading if both parties agree and have trust and know that it’s not taken in a bad context.
> 
> But I know he wants to do it. I’m just worried about my eyes lol
> 
> ...


after two years married (both virgins before ) I went and bought a book about sex just out of interest as we are both happy at that time.
As we were reading it we both found it interesting in parts. Then one day out of the blue I asked him to look in the book and identify anything that he wanted to try and I promised to do it as a try no matter what it was. The question came back and the best way was for each to look in the book and list what we wanted then add whatever was not in the book and then compare notes. 

That was an interesting month for us but 14 years on we have retained some items on the list for regular and others for special. For example I really get overwhelmed by getting oral so only agree on special occasions, while he likes to get it as often as possible. But I must have morning sex as often as is possible, while he likes evening sex.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

MaiChi said:


> after two years married (both virgins before ) I went and bought a book about sex just out of interest as we are both happy at that time.
> As we were reading it we both found it interesting in parts. Then one day out of the blue I asked him to look in the book and identify anything that he wanted to try and I promised to do it as a try no matter what it was. The question came back and the best way was for each to look in the book and list what we wanted then add whatever was not in the book and then compare notes.
> 
> That was an interesting month for us but 14 years on we have retained some items on the list for regular and others for special. For example I really get overwhelmed by getting oral so only agree on special occasions, while he likes to get it as often as possible. But I must have morning sex as often as is possible, while he likes evening sex.


Mai that is a wonderful idea.


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## JustTheWife (Nov 1, 2017)

The advantage is that you're in a trusting relationship. Maybe I just attracted the wrong kinds lol but many of the guys that i was with (stupid random hookups, etc) seemed to get off on doing degrading and humiliating things. I've always been submissive in that way so found it erotic and exciting but it can mess with your head too. Like a roller coaster of intense stimulation and then a feeling of darkness and tears when you think about what just happened. It can be self destructive. I don't think I'd feel that way if it were in a trusted relationship.

My husband is not interested in any of that. I probably will never be able to know but I wonder what it would be like to explore some of that within our trusting relationship. So I guess what I'm trying to say is that i think it's great that you can explore that stuff together with someone who you trust and who will respect your limits as you explore what those limits are and push them out in a healthy and fully consenting way.


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## rinnylong (Mar 10, 2020)

What are guys thoughts about this? I asked my partner a number of years ago what are his sexual fantasies. He says he doesn't have any. As much as I have asked again and again, in EVERY way I can think of. He doesn't have any. I gave him examples of different ones, doesn't want to try, doesn't care. Wont open up at all. Any ways to get him to open up and talk about sexual fantasies and fetishes? (P.S he does not drink - so we cant loosen him up that way)


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## JustTheWife (Nov 1, 2017)

rinnylong said:


> What are guys thoughts about this? I asked my partner a number of years ago what are his sexual fantasies. He says he doesn't have any. As much as I have asked again and again, in EVERY way I can think of. He doesn't have any. I gave him examples of different ones, doesn't want to try, doesn't care. Wont open up at all. Any ways to get him to open up and talk about sexual fantasies and fetishes? (P.S he does not drink - so we cant loosen him up that way)


tumbleweeds! i'm waiting for an answer too as that's pretty much my problem! I don't care what it is but i'd love for him to show that he has SOME sexual interests. Something that he just MUST do to me!


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## MrQuatto (Jul 7, 2010)

rinnylong said:


> What are guys thoughts about this? I asked my partner a number of years ago what are his sexual fantasies. He says he doesn't have any. As much as I have asked again and again, in EVERY way I can think of. He doesn't have any. I gave him examples of different ones, doesn't want to try, doesn't care. Wont open up at all. Any ways to get him to open up and talk about sexual fantasies and fetishes? (P.S he does not drink - so we cant loosen him up that way)


Just thinking outside the box but maybe there is some sexual trauma in his past that is effecting this?


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## rinnylong (Mar 10, 2020)

He used to be really free and open about our sexual experiences. Now he doesnt want to talk about anything. Like he is completely turned off. I have asked - can i wear things for you, do things differently, where would you like to have sex? He just says "I dont know" or "Not sure". Just not sure how to really light the fire with him anymore.


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## Deepsouthdude (Feb 12, 2020)

rinnylong said:


> What are guys thoughts about this? I asked my partner a number of years ago what are his sexual fantasies. He says he doesn't have any. As much as I have asked again and again, in EVERY way I can think of. He doesn't have any. I gave him examples of different ones, doesn't want to try, doesn't care. Wont open up at all. Any ways to get him to open up and talk about sexual fantasies and fetishes? (P.S he does not drink - so we cant loosen him up that way)


I don’t have any helpful advice but I struggle talking about sexual things with my wife. I’m currently in counseling for a few things and that is one of the issues I’m going to be addressing.


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## Married_in_michigan (Apr 9, 2014)

rinnylong said:


> He used to be really free and open about our sexual experiences. Now he doesnt want to talk about anything. Like he is completely turned off. I have asked - can i wear things for you, do things differently, where would you like to have sex? He just says "I dont know" or "Not sure". Just not sure how to really light the fire with him anymore.


so sorry....I am in the same boat with wanting my wife to share with me. Leaves me feeling very empty. Reciprocal sharing about sex is a huge thing for me, and I can empathize with how you feel. I wrote some erotic stories, and posted them online, got a TON of feedback, and that at least helped scratch the itch for sexual dialog, but obviously not the same as it coming from the person you really want it from.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Sue4473 said:


> The man I’m with now likes to explore- and I’m open to doing more things. He mentioned this and said he was still debating it, as he thought maybe it was a little degrading. I told him it’s not degrading if both parties agree and have trust and know that it’s not taken in a bad context.
> 
> But I know he wants to do it. I’m just worried about my eyes lol
> 
> ...


I'm assuming one of his fantasies is coming all over your face. And I've heard it WILL sting your eyes if you get it in them. Many women do find that degrading so I understand why he'd bring that up.


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