# My Wife Wants to Separate Please Help



## Jrnmz (Oct 9, 2012)

Hello everyone. I have never been to one of these sites before but I desperately need some input on things suddenly happening in my relationship. 

First off I am 29 years old, been married for 4 years and been together with my wife for 8 years. We have a beautiful 3 year old son together. Recently in order to be closer to her family I consented to moving to another state to support her. 

I work for a very large corporation and have supported us and also endeavored to help her finish school and get the career she wants. I hold being a father in the highest regard. When I'm not working, I spend all my time with her and my son. When she desires to go out and have a night out with the girls, or do any kind of activity I never question her. 

I also dont question what she spends at all. As long as she just tells me if it is a large amount so Im not blindsided im perfectly fine with it. I make sure all the bills are paid and never get on her case about anything financial as I am very good with finance and make sure she has what she wants. I also am a very active person and don't lean on her and still have my own independence so as not to smother her. As in I enjoy bodybuilding and playing basketball with my friends. 

I also do not go out and party with my friends because its just not what im in to anymore. I have changed to a family man but still go have fun with my friends and do fun things when I get time. 

Recently since we have moved everything has done a complete 180. She has expressed how she loves me but is not " IN LOVE" with me. This is hard for me to understand because while being a loving husband and a nice guy I am also a romantic guy. I take her on dates still and suprise her with things consistently to show my love. She has expressed the reason for wanting to leave is because she wants to be free and be on her own and doesnt want to lean on anyone. This just confuses me beyond all belief. She keeps saying she is sorry for putting me through this and asks me to be patient. However, our intimacy has gone. We have not had sex for at least 3 weeks now but I dont think she is cheating on me. 

Her whole reason for not leaving is due to all the repercussions that will happen by doing this. Her family and my family frowning on her as well as her close friends and mine. I dont want to lose her but I feel like nothing I can do or say will change her mind. I am exhuasted and I still have to pretend that everything is ok around her family when its not. My son is too young to understand. I am now stuck in a state with no friends and no family if this all goes down and I wont leave my son he is most important right now. 

I have thought well maybe if I leave she will realize and come back but this emotional roller coaster doesnt end. If that does happen I feel I wont trust her and always have the fear that it will happen again since this is not the first time she has gone back and forth since we moved. So once again I am torn and heatbroken. What words of wisdom can you give me?

I offered counseling and she will not go. She has given up on trying. She wants this freedom more than anything which leads me to think she just wants to be single and do whatever she wishes. She has all the freedom she wants since as i stated before I dont question what she does on her own or where she goes or who she hangs out with. 

Please help. I don't know where else to turn at this point.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

You need to see if another man has come into the picture, especially an ex bf.

People don't go from happy, to I love you but not in love, to I want to have space just like that without any outside cause.

More often than not the outside cause is an affair. It might even just be texting, fb, email, or it might be more. 

Don't ask her, if she was she involved with someone she wouldn't just admit it. You need to check her cell bill for who's she's been texting, calling. Check on the computer shes using.


I know you don't want to think that, but do the diligence because it may just save your marriage.

If you do find something, do not rush to confront her. Instead take your time, learn everything you can and have plan.


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## Hermes (Oct 8, 2012)

I agree. I found out the other day that my wife has been texting and went to coffee with another man (or so she says). The day before she went out with him, she asked for a separation. 

There is an outside force here. We are very similar. Same age, same child age, same amount of time together and same amount of time married.

I would read "The Divorce Remedy" or if you can afford it (150 per session or 390 for 3), I would call the Divroce Busting Coaching Program at 303-444-7004. I did it yesterday and I feel SO much better. You can not control what is happening, but there is something that you are not giving her that (most likely) someone else is. Look internally and find out what that is and have a plan to fix it. Above all, do not beg, plead, negotiate or pursue in any way. This will only have her run farther away, most likely into someone elses arms. 

My wife blindsided me the other day with the separation and since then, I have had a personal and spiritual awakening. Fix yourself first. You need to find out if there is someone else, though. Having her emotionally (or physically) involved with someone else only makes it harder. 

I wish you the best of luck. Please post here any updates. I do not know 1/10 of what others on here know, but I will help in any way that I can. Good luck.


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## Dewayne76 (Sep 26, 2012)

Shaggy has it right. One, they never come outright and admit it. IF they give you anything, it's trickle truthing. Like... "we texted each other but that was it" but really they were calling and meeting up too. 
.. or more. 

Find out first. Be smart and don't get caught, it'll make thing worse. It's NOT wrong, imo to spy. WE HAVE A RIGHT TO KNOW and if someone's hiding something, it's justified anyways. 

Hardly ever, that I've seen or heard, that in these situations, that it comes out to be nothing. It's almost always something. Just be smart and play it cool and please, take care of yourself and prepare for some hurt, just in case. 

Good luck.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

You are a very Nice Guy. Please look at the Men's Forum and read the stickies.

I suugest you read No More Mister Nice Guy and Married Man's Sex Life book.

You do not party but does your wife? You should do some investigation adn see if there is someone else.

You know being engaged with your partner and aware of what they are into is a good thing.

What types of actibities does your wife get into on her GNOs? How late is she out? Are they just with other married women? Single women? Coed?


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## Solon (Oct 8, 2012)

That is unfortunate. There has to be something we can do as husbands who are facing this situation. My wife will not even talk to me. Does not even want to be in the same room with me. I haven't eaten in two days and have barely slept. No one we know can get through to her. She is totally gone.

There has to be something we can do to snap them out of it.


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## spun (Jul 2, 2012)

Solon said:


> That is unfortunate. There has to be something we can do as husbands who are facing this situation. My wife will not even talk to me. Does not even want to be in the same room with me. I haven't eaten in two days and have barely slept. No one we know can get through to her. She is totally gone.
> 
> There has to be something we can do to snap them out of it.


She will never miss you if you keep making yourself available.

Trying to talk at this juncture is needy. 

Nothing less attractive to a wayward.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Cubby (Mar 28, 2012)

Solon said:


> That is unfortunate. There has to be something we can do as husbands who are facing this situation. My wife will not even talk to me. Does not even want to be in the same room with me. I haven't eaten in two days and have barely slept. No one we know can get through to her. She is totally gone.
> 
> *There has to be something we can do to snap them out of it.[/*QUOTE]
> 
> ...


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## Solon (Oct 8, 2012)

Cubby said:


> Solon said:
> 
> 
> > That is unfortunate. There has to be something we can do as husbands who are facing this situation. My wife will not even talk to me. Does not even want to be in the same room with me. I haven't eaten in two days and have barely slept. No one we know can get through to her. She is totally gone.
> ...


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## MisterRitter (Sep 1, 2012)

Jrnmz said:


> I offered counseling and she will not go. She has given up on trying. She wants this freedom more than anything which leads me to think she just wants to be single and do whatever she wishes. She has all the freedom she wants since as i stated before I dont question what she does on her own or where she goes or who she hangs out with.
> 
> Please help. I don't know where else to turn at this point.


This statements describes my situation exactly. The differences are that she did ask for the separation, I agreed while trying to talk her out of the seeing other people part, but she persisted and I agreed because I didn't know any other way.

Couple of weeks later and she goes out and sleeps with the guy that precipitated the desire to be separated. We had lots of issues building up to her having feelings for another man, and one of them way my giving into everything she wanted. I had lost my sense of self and ability to state and ask for what I wanted.

I have been talking with her off and on since then (she has agreed to not see anyone else for the rest of our separation) and we both see that issue the same way. She wanted me to push back when she pushed for something and when I gave her what she said she wanted she lost some respect for me, and the cycle continued.

The best advice I can give is to look into the 180 and follow all parts of it.

I know I am not doing that but I am no trying to get my wife back. I don't think I want her as a wife anymore, but the important part of the 180 of working on myself I am doing, which I think is the most important part of the steps. Because the only thing you can control in this life is yourself, so you should be happy with yourself.

Hope things get better for you.


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