# Well now what?!



## mr.toosensitive (Oct 19, 2015)

So my W decided she wanted a divorce a month ago. She said that she just wasnt happy. That she loved me, and was still in love with me, but needed to be happy. She asked me to leave the house, and I complied. Well last week, while doing the 180, I decided to go back to MY home. 
I thought, whats the point of doing this 180, if she isn't around to see it? So i moved back in while she was at work.
Needless to say, she was mad. I knew she would be, and stood my ground. She didn't want me there, but couldnt really do anything, because I pay the rent, and I want to be around my daughter more.
So now that I'm back, she has started to... act differently I guess you could say. She has started acting like my wife again. She smiles again when I am around, play touch with me, she even snuggled up in bed this morning with me. It was just a minute, but it made my heart flutter!!
Here is what I need help with: Advice to keep this change going! I am sure she is on the fence about the divorce, I just need some ideas to keep the change going. I dont want to lose my family!!


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## Vorlon (Sep 13, 2012)

Quick advice: If she didn't tell you exactly what it was she needed from you then I would continue the 180. Work on making yourself happy, strong and independent. Update the wardrobe, go to the gym, take up a hobby. Make her see what a catch you are instead of a being so disposable. And never tell her why your doing it expect that you want to and it makes you feel good about yourself...which is true BTW. 

My thought is she respected you more for standing your ground and moving back in to the house. Women have to respect their man to truly love them. They don't respect push overs and yes men. They love and respect you when your are decisive, strong and independent. When she feels like you can get alone extremely well with out her you become more attractive. Again never tell her anything about this or why. 

Its all about the doing.


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## Ol'Pal (Aug 24, 2015)

My initial thought is that she is playing you for a fool. She's just making sure she is gunna get what she wants out of the divorce.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

I agree with Ol'Pal she is up to something, but in the mean time stick with the 180 and protect your assets...


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## mr.toosensitive (Oct 19, 2015)

Vorlon said:


> Quick advice: If she didn't tell you exactly what it was she needed from you then I would continue the 180. Work on making yourself happy, strong and independent. Update the wardrobe, go to the gym, take up a hobby. Make her see what a catch you are instead of a being so disposable. And never tell her why your doing it expect that you want to and it makes you feel good about yourself...which is true BTW.
> 
> My thought is she respected you more for standing your ground and moving back in to the house. Women have to respect their man to truly love them. They don't respect push overs and yes men. They love and respect you when your are decisive, strong and independent. When she feels like you can get alone extremely well with out her you become more attractive. Again never tell her anything about this or why.
> 
> Its all about the doing.



Thank you for the support. I totally agree. I will stay the course!!


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## Vorlon (Sep 13, 2012)

Ol'Pal said:


> My initial thought is that she is playing you for a fool. She's just making sure she is gunna get what she wants out of the divorce.


Unfortunately this is a real possibility. Keep your eyes and ears wide open OP. 

Might not hurt to do a little snooping into cell, e-mail, chat logs and financials. Make sure she wasn't just getting you out of the house to have access to somebody else. 

BTW- Never leave your own house. If they are unhappy then they can go and pay for it themselves.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

As fast as you can, download the MARRIED MAN SEX LIFE PRIMER from amazon.com. Its not a sex manual but a relationship guide about putting the spark back in your relationship.

Also, Google NO MORE MISTER NICE GUY free download and see if it applys to you. Many here have used these books and swear by them.


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## BioFury (Jul 9, 2015)

I'm not going to comment on whether she is up to something. She may be she may not be. I don't know.

As far as repairing your marriage, you need to talk with your wife. Ask her what is missing in your marriage that she would like to see grow. The getting the books His Needs, Her needs & The 5 Love Languages would also be good for you guys to read together.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Do you know why she wants a divorce? Did you ask her?

Moving back in was a good move, why should you move out of your house, she is the one wanting a divorce, no you. 

Do not let your guard down, this woman is playing with your feelings and it could be a **** test to see how far you will go to make sure she stays in your life. However women are not attracted to weakness so you have to act as if life can go on without her although that may be counter intuitive and difficult:

1. act as if you have a new lease on life
2. Start a new hobby, sport etc - go out and meet others via these
3. go to the gym and start to shape up
4. Dress better, take good care of your appearance esp when you go out
5. Be a great father to your kid
6 Be kind and cordial but follow the 180, no emotion, just discussion on factual issues/arrangements
7. If she initiates discussion on separation/divorce, etc hear her out but do not engage
8. Do not go out with other women
9. if you feel like you need it get some IC for yourself, there may be personal issues you need dealing with?

after all of this you will become a better man regardless of whether she stays or not. The new you will either please your wife or the next woman. Remember focus on you not her.


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## Malpheous (May 3, 2013)

Use this time to do what you will. But I would also make preparations in defense.

- Gather important legal documents that may be needed in the event of a divorce and secure them in a safe box. Preferably out of the house. Office. Family member's home.

- Get a small $50 digital voice recorder. Learn to use it. Keep it with you always. If she butters you and then pushes your buttons into a BS DV, you're done. Digital ears can save your bacon.

- Spend time with your daughter as usual while starting to journal/document your care-giving and time together. 

- Use this time to get to know teachers, school staff and any doctors your child sees. If you don't already know them. If they ever have to take the stand it's great if they can say, 'Oh John is a great dad.'


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