# Help me out here!



## trey69 (Dec 29, 2010)

Question for the men folk, women can reply if they like. 

Has any other guys here (who are married) ever asked or inquired about another woman they may have went to school with or knew from their past just because?

I had a guy I went to school with, message me on FB last night and ask about a girl we both used to know years ago. He is married. He told me I might find it strange since he was married, but he was just wondering what happened to her, and told me he remembered her first name but not her last. Well I remembered her last name, and told him. It didn't hit me until after I told him, that maybe there was another reason he was looking for her, other than just wondering what ever happened to her. I also told him she was married and had teen age kids. He didn't respond back about that, other than me and him need to catch up sometime. 

I have wondered before whatever happened to so and so I used to know, men and women, but never actually asked another guy about another women and what she was doing now or what she was up to etc. Not since I have been married anyway. Anyone else done this and it just been harmless, with no other intentions? Ladies you can respond too, if you have asked another friend about whatever happened to another guy from your past.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

My first post on tam was about SO facebooking w/a girl he dated for several years in college.I didn't like it.

I think it's normal to wonder about some people who may have made an impression on you in your teen years.That's what fb seems to be about anymore.I personally think it's useless and hazardous to vulnerable relationships.Others think it's harmless.

It is odd that he'd fb some other guy and ask.


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## TCSRedhead (Oct 17, 2012)

It can be harmless - It can be otherwise. If it's harmless, he won't object to mentioning it in front of his wife. 

"Hey Joe, remember the other day when you asked me about Mary? I found out she's x,y, z."


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Out of the blue? He is looking. He is not satisfied with his marriage and wondering, "what if". It could easily be more or move that direction quickly. He needs to talk to someone to help him and/or his marriage. Maybe he should come here?


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## trey69 (Dec 29, 2010)

I had to laugh when I saw that TCSREDHEAD" had replied. The reason is, this is a guy who is married but has the "I like redheads" thing on his FB page. His wife isn't redhead, and the woman he asked me about from the past is a redhead. :lol:

I'm hoping its harmless and probably is, but this is a guy I went to school with and even though he is in my friends list we haven't really talked, but then he messages me out of the blue inquiring about this woman. My guess is, he may have messaged other people, and if they didn't know anything else about her maybe he just kept moving on until he found someone who did.


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## TCSRedhead (Oct 17, 2012)

Yeah, this is someone who's actively pursuing an old relationship which reads as not so harmless.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

trey69 said:


> My guess is, he may have messaged other people, and if they didn't know anything else about her maybe he just kept moving on until he found someone who did.


If this is the case,that's creepy on his part.Curiosity is one thing.Stalking is another.


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## trey69 (Dec 29, 2010)

2ntnuf said:


> Out of the blue?


Yes, that was what I found kinda strange. It was just that, out of the blue.


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## trey69 (Dec 29, 2010)

ScarletBegonias said:


> If this is the case,that's creepy on his part.Curiosity is one thing.Stalking is another.


True, and I'm not for sure thats what he did, but it could have been, then again I may have been other only person he asked.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

trey69 said:


> True, and I'm not for sure thats what he did, but it could have been, then again I may have been other only person he asked.


 Post on his wall,oh hey pal I found out some more info about so and so...message me bro! lol


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## Jamison (Feb 10, 2011)

I have seen the I LIKE REDHEADS page on FB too. Some of them are hot looking redheads who are half naked. Or in erotic positions. I'm assuming he knows when he likes a picture it shows up in his news feed for others to see including his wife. Ironic the woman he inquired about is also a redhead.


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## CallaLily (Jan 13, 2011)

Jamison said:


> I have seen the I LIKE REDHEADS page on FB too. Some of them are hot looking redheads who are half naked. Or in erotic positions. I'm assuming he knows when he likes a picture it shows up in his news feed for others to see including his wife. Ironic the woman he inquired about is also a redhead.


My brother has that on his FB page too. :lol: I don't want to see all that! 

To the OP, your friend could be actively looking, or he could just be curious. Hard to say for sure. The fact that it came out of the blue, was odd though.


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

I have to think, even if it's only sub-conscious, at some level he is interested in her. It doesn't mean he'll necessarily act on it. I just don't see a guy going out of his way to try to figure out what happened to the homely girl from his childhood.


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## maynsx (May 21, 2013)

I personally think it's useless and hazardous to vulnerable relationships.


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## trey69 (Dec 29, 2010)

trey69 said:


> I had to laugh when I saw that TCSREDHEAD" had replied. The reason is, this is a guy who is married but has the "I like redheads" thing on his FB page. His wife isn't redhead, and the woman he asked me about from the past is a redhead. :lol:


Ok update on the above I posted from yesterday. So we know he likes redheads on FB. Later on yesterday I saw where he had up, "I like ti**ites!" Of course thats a bunch of women with large boobs with nothing on hardly, humping each other or whatever. 

I decided to send him a message since he is married and all letting him know this kinda of thing shows up in the newsfeeds and that whoever can see it. He has kids that are teens and they have FB pages, but still. 

I let him know if thats what he likes that is his business but people can see it. His response to me was, He knows and his wife pointed that out to him before, and that she normally wouldn't mind BUT she didn't feel it was right for his kids, their friends and church people to see that in his news feed, so maybe it was best to refrain from liking those things on there. 

So I then say to him, "So you are still "liking" this stuff and letting it show up in your news feed even though you know thats probably not a good idea?" His response, "Yes!" :scratchhead: 

Maybe if this is a guy who would do this regardless of what someone else says, maybe its no surprise he is asking about another women from the past.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

He sounds like a real peach.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

The only thing that made it weird was when he said "I know I am married BUT..."

Why even say that?


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## trey69 (Dec 29, 2010)

ScarletBegonias said:


> He sounds like a real peach.


Yep SB seems that way!


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## trey69 (Dec 29, 2010)

Jellybeans said:


> The only thing that made it weird was when he said "I know I am married BUT..."
> 
> Why even say that?


I'm starting to think the whole thing is kinda weird.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

Jellybeans said:


> The only thing that made it weird was when he said "I know I am married BUT..."
> 
> Why even say that?


Listening to that Jodi Arreas trial I heard one of the commenting doctors state if you use the word "BUT" in your sentence,you're effectively discounting every thing you just said in the first part. basically saying it doesn't really matter.

lol I don't know if that's true or not.Seems likely in the case of this guy.It doesn't seem to really matter to him that he's married.


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## trey69 (Dec 29, 2010)

ScarletBegonias said:


> Listening to that Jodi Arreas trial I heard one of the commenting doctors state if you use the word "BUT" in your sentence,you're effectively discounting every thing you just said in the first part. basically saying it doesn't really matter.
> 
> lol I don't know if that's true or not.Seems likely in the case of this guy.It doesn't seem to really matter to him that he's married.


My wife has been watching that trial too!


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## trey69 (Dec 29, 2010)

Jellybeans said:


> The only thing that made it weird was when he said "I know I am married BUT..."
> 
> Why even say that?


I guess in his mind, maybe he thought I would find it odd that he was asking about another woman since he was married, but why he said that I have no clue.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

For exactly the reason you thought. He didn't want to come off as creepy/cheater-y (lol).

I would just put it back on him. "Why don't you message her directly to find out. Send your wife my best!"

HEHEHE


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## Jamison (Feb 10, 2011)

We do not know the whole story either. Maybe he was trying to make his wife jealous by putting that up there, since she said she didn't mind. Maybe he wanted her care. 

I don't like that fact though that he keeps liking these inappropriate things when he has kids that can see what he likes. Thats probably not setting a good example. It seems though he doesn't care what others think,including his wifes feelings.

Maybe if he is gonna do whatever he wants, his wife should at least go in and set it to where certain people can't see what shows up in his news feed. Like the kids etc. Then if he wants to keep acting like an a$$ he can.


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## CallaLily (Jan 13, 2011)

I find it inappropriate, and disrespectful. If he was single and did this, then of course thats one thing, but he is married with kids who are on his FB page, and he still does this after his wife explained to him why it might not be such a good idea. Maybe he has a problem. I mean if you want to like that stuff or look at it, other places beside on FB where others can see it, thats fine, but what he is doing is just plain disrespectful. I don't know how close you are to him, but if I were you, I would put a bug in his wifes ear about what he has said.


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