# My Wife thinks I am a cheat and liar



## Moe13

I have been married for almost 17 years, In September of 2008, I lied to my wife about receiving an email from a coworker that at best could have been percieved as flirtatious, since then she has been very suspicious of me and has accused me of cheating with multiple women. we managed working through it to a point but about 2 months ago she started accusing me of having a bi-sexual relationship with a coworker. She has filed for divorce and claims that there are emails , texts, phone and chat conversations as well as dna proof, which is all UNTRUE. She has a pair of boxers of mine that have blood on them and claims that it is another mans blood. I have offered to have my DNA given to confirm that it is mine, but she just keeps claiming she doenst need it because she knows its another mans. All of the other claims can be proven as simply as getting the records from the providers. I have been faithful to my wife and never ever cheated on her and I know that she is not cheating on me. I have lost my best friend and soulmate but there is nothing I can do about it except lie to her about something that never happened nor would i ever think of doing. I have done my best to be the best husband and father I could. Everytime i try to explain and tell her that she is wrong, she calls me a liar and claims that i do not have enough respect for her to tell her the truth. We have 5 beautiful children together and I miss her and them deeply. I dont know what to do anymore. I am not a liar and i know that when she tries to prove it in court that nothing will come of it because nothing happened. Until then what can I do? I did not cheat.I lied about an email and confessed to it.She has always had an open book to my life, email passwords, computer access, access to my cell phone etc., I have never hidden anything and have always been honest except for the email. It kills me to know that the one person that should know me the best, feels that I am capable of something like this.She has told me many times that if i tell her the truth, she will forgive me and she would drop the divorce and we would work it out. Problem is that none of it is true. I can not tell her that I did something I did not do. I love my wife dearly and would do anything to get our lives back to normal, but i can not and will not admit to something I did not do. Any help and guidance you could give would be greatly appreciated. Thank you


----------



## amberlynn

It sounds to me that shes looking for a reason to leave you, and shes usen the email and the time you lied to her as an escape/excuse to look for other reasons. Im not sure how to help you here, if you have told her the truth and she wants to believe other wise, then maybe this is the only way she knows how to get out. Im sorry you're goin thru this. Hope it works out.


----------



## MarkTwain

Moe13 said:


> . Any help and guidance you could give would be greatly appreciated. Thank you


You have missed out an important part of the story: How was your relationship with her before she found out about the email? How was your sex life? Who chased who?

Without this information, your present story has no context.


----------



## cartomany

You can write down a list of the things that she accuse you of doing than talk to her about the list and ask if she has anything else to add to the list.

Once you got the list done disprove one by one. Just like the boxer with blood, you could just bring her together to the lab and had it tested if its a match to yours. 

When a person is confused and hurt they rarely know what they want thus you need to lead them rather than follow.


----------



## Moe13

MarkTwain asked how the realtionship was before and it was great, sex life was great and we got along incredibly. the last 5 years were the best we had together.


----------



## MarkTwain

Are you in separate bedrooms yet?


----------



## Moe13

Better yet, she threw me and changed the locks and has a stay away order in place, cant go anywhere near her or the house.


----------



## MarkTwain

Moe13-

The best thing you can do is to stop trying to contact her. Let her contact you. when she does, be business-like as if you are in a hurry to do something more important like wash your hair or go shopping. If you have any chance of getting her back, this will work better than chasing her. You can't reward madness with reasonableness - it never ends.

Unless that is, you are missing out a whole big part of the story...


----------



## dobo

" I have lost my best friend and soulmate but there is nothing I can do about it except lie to her about something that never happened nor would i ever think of doing."

So you're saying that the only thing she will be satisfied with is for you to confirm her suspicions?

Can you explain the evidence she sees?

Can you also perhaps see a reason for her suspicions so that you can feel the reasons she went off on you?

And, are you sure you aren't holding something back from her that she perceives (but is getting wrong) but is real? 

Typically, this is what is happening. 

So she didn't catch you in what you were really up to. Her suspicion is off-base. Technically, that makes you right. But in the end, you are in the wrong only you won't admit it because she didn't catch you in exactly what you are wrong in.

People tend to pick up on things that are wrong.

The people who are doing the wrong tend to cling to strict definitions in order to pretend that they are in the right.


----------



## Tim

I agree with Amberlynn. She is looking for reasons and is diverting your attention from her indiscretions. I would bet a nice wager that not only has she cheated on you but most likely had gay sex since this is what she is accusing you of. She wants to end it but she wants you to go down in history as the cheater, not her (classic blame shifting).


----------



## Mrs. Negestie

It seems to me that there might be a large missing part to this story.Anyway whats the status of this relationship as of today?


----------



## Atholk

Any medication changes recently?


----------



## Pinkey

I am a wife of 23 years and in the past year and a half my relationship with my husband has gotten worse and the main reason was he lied! Stupid lies and I kept telling myself that if he could lie about the stupid things he could lie about the big things as well. Well because he didnt make me feel secured in our relationship I truely believed he was having an affair on me and this pushed him so far away from me. I am so sorry to hear about your wife but give her some time and allow her to prove it! somewhere down the line she lost that security and women definatley need that. Ask her if you can work it out if it comes back on your favor-go into the courts with everyone aware of this even the judge and dont blow it back into her face when it does become good again. Good luck!


----------



## heatherlindsay

LISTEN :I think you need to tell her you realize that she is bored and you will go find another woman who appreciates you, then just leave and if she calls you in a couple days you will know that you arent the problem it is her trust issues then demand if you come back she needs to get help. Then you will hold the power my dear. if she doesn't call you then she doesn't love you. in the mean time expect the worst and maybe something good will happen and work on moving on for a couple days. I know it will hurt but its the best thing . dont contact her thats her job


----------



## cb45

amber may be on to something but i doubt it.

u may be doing "penance" in yer/her eyes, dunno but, one things for sure, u have some waiting waiting waiting to do.

i suggest u occupy yourself by either keeping busy or better 
yet, improving yourself via spirituality, education, health, etc.

or, u can just suffer along as u wish, or seem to wish to do.

shalom.......is available............to all.


----------



## Toby T

I'm sorry you are suffering like this Moe. I think Amberlynn and Tim have some good points. It does sound like a smokescreen. How sure are you that she has been faithful to you?

Often, a partner will deal with their own guilt by projecting on you, to convince themselves that you are the bad one. Things were good, then deteriorated, how quickly? What else was going on at the time? Does she hang out with any special friends, don't rule out male or female, with her bi accusations. If she was really accusing you, I think she would use the term gay, rather than bi that a woman might relate to if she has had curious feelings herself.

There may not be much you can do at this point as she sounds so far down this path. But for you to know that you are not the problem, to feel secure in yourself, will help you in your healing. I do believe that things happen for a reason, and despite our best efforts to understand, our prayers seem to go unanswered. Just trust that you will be shown the right path, and things will work out for the best.


----------

