# I dont think i am in love with my husband - Please read my story i need advice!



## TwilightWife (Jan 12, 2010)

Hi i am new to this forum but really need some advice about my marriage. I am very confused right now. I will tell you my back story, just to give people an idea of my situation hopefully someone could share their own experiences or help me shed some light on how i feel.

Ok, so i was a single parent to my 4 year old son (he's now almost 6) i had a few abusive relationships and a few that didnt work out for one reason or the other. Then i got back in touch with a guy i knew years ago through facebook. I had been single for 3 years at this point, and thought it would be nice to see him again. Anyway we got into a relationship, he moved in with me and my son and even though it was hard in the beginning (my son didnt accept him straight away, and he didnt accept my son straight away either as he had never been around kids) we made it work and my son grew to love him, and he grew to love my son. We moved into a place of our own, time went on and we got engaged and eventually married august last year.
I am currently pregnant with my second child. First biological child for my husband.
However, it has always been different the way i feel about him compared to the way i have felt about other men i have been with. He is a good man who fought his own demons to take on my son as his own and provide for us. And even though i found him sexually attractive to begin with, that has faded somewhat lately. I dont know if its to do with me being pregnant but even before i got pregnant i would go through phases of fancying him like mad then go off him a little. 
My husband is a little naive too, he doesn't know much about the world or have much general knowledge i have had to teach him alot about alot of things and i also found this a turn off. Now, i know some of u will say that i should not have married him if this is the case but i do love him and care about him. he has completed my family and i would not know what to do without him. I am just not sure i am deeply in love with him the way i have been before with other men. He treats me far better than they did, and i wonder sometimes that its the love he has for me that makes me care so much about him. Right now i am a little confused. I dont want to have sex with him, i dont even want to cuddle him and not because i dont care i just cant be bothered! 

PLEASE HELP ME!!!


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## beninneedofhelp (Nov 24, 2009)

Well it looks to me as you do love him and where there is love there is a chance to build on that block.. You seem to be going through a phase where you arent sure of your love but at the same time you complimented him as a father and a man a couple times in that short post even. If he dont do nothing wrong and does complete your needs for a family life , what is stopping you from opening up to him about these issues you are having ??And is there a possiblility you could be having issues from the pregnancy that are making you feel this way?? 
Some people say this is a time where women go through emotions in greater detail and also this or in the first year really isnt a ideal time to give up either.. Maybe tell him what you need of him , being a guy myself i no if my wife and believe me i see now she did try but being a guy sometimes we need to be told bluntly what someone wants needs and so forth.. I no if she would have been blunt with me a long time ago things for me and my wife wouldnt be so bad right now, all though im working on things and trying it has been a long tidious road one i wouldnt want no one to go through and sadly there are people doing it everyday ..Ask yourself this is he a man worth keeping will he be there for you and your kids till his dieing day? And if so what is that worth to you in your heart


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## Atholk (Jul 25, 2009)

Sounds like you've had a run of some bad boys, sexy exciting bad boys, but you've out grown being abused. Now you're with Mr Nice Guy and logically everything makes sense, he's a better guy in so many ways, just he doesn't give you that tingle.

Here's the deal. He's very Beta Male, and don't misunderstand, that's really important, but he's not got a lot of Alpha Male / Dominant in him, which is what triggers your sexual attraction. He needs to keep up some of the nice guy stuff, but add in a little of the bad boy.

He doesn't need to hit you or turn into a yelling ogre or anything like that, just take charge some. Deep down you likely crave him tossing you on the bed and just having his way with you.


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## beninneedofhelp (Nov 24, 2009)

Hmm i wonder if that would work for me ?? No just kidding if anything i was either not doing my part of being to alpha in almost every case in the past now im trying to find that balance which atholk speaks of , which after reading that deal on the alpha and beta male i tend to believe its important to have that balance and atholk is more then likely on to something here considering your past relationships you touched on breifly .. 
But i also wouldnt over look the fact your pregnant and probably going through some changes with that as well..


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## BigBadWolf (Nov 30, 2009)

Atholk said:


> Sounds like you've had a run of some bad boys, sexy exciting bad boys, but you've out grown being abused. Now you're with Mr Nice Guy and logically everything makes sense, he's a better guy in so many ways, just he doesn't give you that tingle.
> 
> Here's the deal. He's very Beta Male, and don't misunderstand, that's really important, but he's not got a lot of Alpha Male / Dominant in him, which is what triggers your sexual attraction. He needs to keep up some of the nice guy stuff, but add in a little of the bad boy.
> 
> He doesn't need to hit you or turn into a yelling ogre or anything like that, just take charge some. Deep down you likely crave him tossing you on the bed and just having his way with you.


Read what Atholk said. This is 100 percent what is going on.

The "nice guy" is good for relationship stability sure, but he is NOT what lights a woman's fire, which is simply this.

You are friends with him, but not sexually attracted to him.

A woman is sexually attracted to the man that is in control of himself and his environment. This is the structure of sexual attraction.

A "nice guy" is opposite of this structure, he is instead following a woman or even times begging a woman. This is not sexual attractive.

Your husband not knowing things of the world, and needing you to lead him, is a big turn off to a woman. You are normal for feeling this way, and the good news is there is just to return to the proper structure to fix this.

I wish you well.


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## whyminvrsatsfd (Nov 28, 2009)

I agree with both replies to your post. Along with the fact that when you are deeply deeply hurt, you do become a little caloused. Meaning that you dont allow yourself to fall as deeply as you fell before and was betrayed. You obviously love him, you are past the lust phase and you have to look at the positives and make him your best friend. After all, thats how marriages last after the lust has faded. You are hormonal, and may have irritable moments not really helping you right now. It will work out. Stay positive and only hang with people that are in favor of your marriage and staying together. Good luck with hubby and your babies!!


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## sweetpee (Jan 5, 2010)

I can relate to you so it is crazy I was single for 14 yrs no sex no man no nothen I was just turn off because of the things I went thru in life and I found someone and it appeared to me that the feelens I felt are different I want to be with this man and I want to be romantic and close I know I can honestyly say this has never been felt for me before. You are going thru somethan but you are pregant thats your pregancy and if it isn't I feel you have to reach for him and talk with him and tell him how you feel and see what he thinks. I am sure he would like to know stay away from those negative thoughts.


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## beninneedofhelp (Nov 24, 2009)

Hmm i guess im not there yet whyminvrsatsfd lol cause right now i had thought i was gaining control of my spirit vehicle till today and then it got thrown all around again seems to come and go i wish i new what was what in my wifes mind some days seem good others seem bad , but now im wondering if the good days just look good cause im looking to them to hard lol , but i agree with your part on maybe she isnt allowing herself to be that best friend and fall as deeply due to fear of being hurt.. One thing everyone must understand there isnt a relationship in the world where there isnt going to be that risk of being hurt its part of love , love and hate are actually in the same boat i think .. When you think about it you care even when you hate just on a different side of it , like light and day .. Now if you just didnt care then it wouldnt matter at all cause there would be no hate or love you would just be indifferent to it entirely


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