# Guys thoughts on work please



## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

So my husband was laid off from his job after 19 years with the same company. It's a large company that engages in mass layoffs periodically; when he called me and told me I told him I was sorry to hear that and he responded with he didn't know whether he should feel angry, depressed, or excited. I told him he was going to feel however he feels about it but I hoped he wouldn't be depressed, because financially we're fine. I make good money and he has marketable skills, and we have a ton of money in savings so I think the issue is more that it's such a big life change and he's used to structure and consistency. Also he's a little older so perhaps that scares him a little. but the fact is that he doesn't have to make as much as he was making and has options.

Anyway, I was hoping to get thoughts from the guys on whether there's anything I can do to make this a little easier for him. He's a typical guy in that it's sometimes hard to tell how he's feeling, and I know that it's tough as he knew so many people there and the loss of the social circle is huge for him. Even though I'm opinionated and have a big mouth on this forum I'm actually pretty easy going in real life and fairly low drama, and I certainly don't mind any financial slack taking up I have to do. And he is very good about doing things at home with the cooking and cleaning so I really don't see an issue there. Maybe you guys could give me insight as to what's really going through his head right now. Of course my fellow ladies are always welcome as well!


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I'm not a guy, but I was married to one who went through this.

From my experience the most important thing you can do is to help him not lose momentum on finding a replacement for his job. Since he's largely losing his social circle, that's an issue too.

You say that he's a older. How old is he?


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

EleGirl said:


> I'm not a guy, but I was married to one who went through this.
> 
> From my experience the most important thing you can do it so help him not lose momentum on finding a replacement for his job. Since he's largely losing his social circle, that's an issue too.
> 
> You say that he's a older. How old is he?


He's 59.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

I think daily blowjobs have been proven to reduce the likelihood of depression following a job loss. Let me find that study for you...

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

PBear said:


> I think daily blowjobs have been proven to reduce the likelihood of depression following a job loss. Let me find that study for you...
> 
> C
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:rofl:

Well at his age he's not really a daily kind of guy, maybe a few times a week guy, but I did give him one the next morning :smthumbup:

I suppose since he's got more time on his hands that could change though.....


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

Trying explain pressure that comes with a JOB and SUPPORTING family as a man, is no different than trying to explain labor pain to a man from a women's perspective.

Next to impossible. And no matter how much you explain it, man can never EVER relate.

Anyways, everything he feels is completely normal for ANY person in his position. Continue to be supportive and play it down. Give it a week or 2 and the reality will kick in and it will become a norm.

It's just a low dip on the life rollercoaster ride, we all go thru it. In time, everything will be ok.

Keep telling him to remain positive and optimistic and not let those down thoughts bring him down.

It doesn't matter what happened, what matters is what he will do next. 

Falling is easy, it's what you do when you fall is what really matters.

Good luck


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

I've been laid off 3 times. The first time was really hard and it was a learning experience. We tend to identify ourselves by our jobs and profession. From childhood we learn this when kids ask their friends what their parents do. We focus on what we want to be when we grow up. As adults the conversation with a new acquaintance quickly turns to what we do and where we work.

So being laid off can feel like a loss of identity. Especially when talking with others and when meeting new people. Many people will think that the laid off person must have been a lesser quality worker unless it is simply a seniority based layoff. Even so, being out of work is a social stigma.

For me that was the hardest part of being laid off the first time. I felt like I had lost a big part of who I am.

Collecting unemployment was helpful financially but quickly became a crutch and an excuse not to have to work. I saw it with many others, too. Keeping active and especially having a disciplined schedule for job hunting is very important.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

He needs to stay busy with something that makes him feel like he is a part of the workings of the world. He needs to make some money doing it. He needs to feel like he matters in the world. The only thing that will help is another job. You will both suffer if he doesn't find something as soon as is practical. He may need to get some different skills or just add to what he has now. Don't wait. Of course, JMHO.


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## SamuraiJack (May 30, 2014)

There are few things that will make men feel worse than losing their job.
The most common inquiries we hear all our lives is based on work.
“What do you do for a living?”
“What do you want to be when you grow up?”
“What’s your plan for the future?”

…and on it goes.
All the above is good advice for the beginning.
The problem area is when it’s been a month or two and things aren’t picking up at all. 
That’s when he will need some encouragement and understanding…then maybe a good kick in the ass.
Sounds mean to you, but occasionally we need that if we start to feel sorry for ourselves.

Disregard the first month because he will most likely view that as his severance period and maybe relax.
Don’t make the mistake of holding off on sex as this will only compound his self esteem


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## VermisciousKnid (Dec 27, 2011)

I've been laid off. It's a shock to the system for sure. He should keep up his social contacts with the other folks who were laid off at the same time. We used to meet at a pub to compare notes. That serves a few purposes: 1. You have people to commiserate with who know exactly how you feel. 2. You get a chance to say goodbye to friends properly. Some layoffs involve going straight to your desk, grabbing your stuff, and leaving immediately. That's a sucky way to leave. 3. Networking. Folks will be sending out resumes and getting interviews, and though they might not get hired for a particular job they can pass on that intel to friends and share the ins and outs of the job hunt. 

So I think he should try to set up a regular get together, assuming he likes the people enough to want to see them. 

Since you're in decent financial shape he doesn't have to panic about finding the next job in order to make the next mortgage payment. That's good. Depending on his skills he could consider a career change. He could also consider contract jobs since they tend to pay well (at least in my field they do) and require limited commitment (3-6 months) from employer and employee.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

About what SJ wrote:

That's why I thought he should get a job as quickly as possible. That plus the fact that if he is older, it will be more difficult unless he is at the top of knowledge and skill in his profession. 

He should start looking immediately. It will take plenty of time to get a new job he thinks is worthy of him. 

Oh, and I want to add that many women here say that a man's earnings go a long way toward his attraction for a long term relationship.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Thanks guys, great thoughts! 

He actually made an interesting comment to me; he said it was like coming home and having your wife ask you to leave when you're not really in love with her anyway but have been with her a long time. You think ok, I'm not in love with you anyway but now I have to leave my house I've been comfortable been and my whole life and routine is going to change. Hadn't thought of it like that before.

He has a graduate degree and very broad, marketable skills. He actually has many options and part of him does realize that, it's just the big life change. He's already had a number of people from work contact him and they can't believe he was let go; we think it's partly because he'd been making maybe a little too much money for what he did since he'd been there for so long and they could get someone much younger and cheaper. But as I said it's shouldn't be a problem getting another job and he doesn't have to make as much money.

A couple of people have already send him job postings, and his company not only gave him great severance but he gets a displacement service to write up his resume and help him out for free. He did joke that he hasn't updated it in so long it probably still says what high school he went to 

He already replaced a couple of things around the house that needed work done and is talking about other projects he'd like to do. To me this isn't a big deal to me at all and I hope he understands that, I've told him but sometimes I think you guys don't believe us when we say that. Not that I think it doesn't suck for him but beyond feeling bad for his loss I have no negative feelings about it.

The ultimate irony here is that when we met lots of comments were made about me being the young bimbo arm candy but the fact is I'm actually making enough money to support the whole house. One or two of you here know what I do for a living.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

2ntnuf said:


> About what SJ wrote:
> 
> That's why I thought he should get a job as quickly as possible. That plus the fact that if he is older, it will be more difficult unless he is at the top of knowledge and skill in his profession.
> 
> ...


I have a lot of mixed feelings about this statement. I've always been very independent as far as paying my own way in life, so I don't think how much he makes matters all that much to me. Now he can't work for minimum wage, but I think that has more to do with ambition then anything else. He's well educated and has talked about teaching, which we all know doesn't pay that well. But if that's what he wants to do we can handle it financially and I'd rather see him happy then making more money. Plus he handles plenty of things around the house. Now if he just got lazy and sat around all day drinking beer then we'd have a problem. Maybe I'm wired differently this way, I don't know.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

SamuraiJack said:


> There are few things that will make men feel worse than losing their job.
> The most common inquiries we hear all our lives is based on work.
> “What do you do for a living?”
> “What do you want to be when you grow up?”
> ...


Why would I hold off sex? He's the man in the bedroom and I love sex with him. I'm not an everyday type of gal but he's not an everyday type of guy so we mesh that way. He's already said he's going to keep his workout schedule regular, he's good about that. We're both athletes so we share a lot of that.

I wouldn't hesitate to kick him in the ass if I really thought he needed it, but let's hope it doesn't come to that.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

lifeistooshort said:


> I have a lot of mixed feelings about this statement. I've always been very independent as far as paying my own way in life, so I don't think how much he makes matters all that much to me. Now he can't work for minimum wage, but I think that has more to do with ambition then anything else. He's well educated and has talked about teaching, which we all know doesn't pay that well. But if that's what he wants to do we can handle it financially and I'd rather see him happy then making more money. Plus he handles plenty of things around the house. Now if he just got lazy and sat around all day drinking beer then we'd have a problem. Maybe I'm wired differently this way, I don't know.


Maybe you are wired differently. I've read it so much here, I have accepted it to be truth for many of not most women. TAM can skew beliefs sometimes. It wasn't meant as a slur against you, just as a cautionary statement.


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## SpinDaddy (Nov 12, 2012)

Howdy Short:

The Ms. and I have both been through this (several times) and are teetering on it right now – although this time I’m the sole income. 

On the wall in my office I have the following thumbtacked on my bulletin board:

Today

1.	Be thankful.
2.	When God closes a door, God opens a window.

Find Your Window

Remarkably, it’s been a decade since either of us dealt with the serious pursuit of a new gig and things have changed considerably. Get to know these job sites: LinkedIn and Indeed and get on to the job of finding a job ASAP. 

Good luck, we’re pulling for you!


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

2ntnuf said:


> Maybe you are wired differently. I've read it so much here, I have accepted it to be truth for many of not most women. TAM can skew beliefs sometimes. It wasn't meant as a slur against you, just as a cautionary statement.



No worries, I know it wasn't personal. TAM certainly can skew your beliefs.....but I'm not convinced a lot of women feel this way. Ok there are probably some, probably close to the same amount of men that base their opinions of their wife on her b00b and ass size. Ok so you'd like it if they were nice but for most men they don't have to be 10's.....yeah it would be nice if our guy could make decent money but it doesn't have to be a ton. I mean, bills do have to be paid but we don't need to live in a mansion and drive Jaguars.

Life happens sometimes. This is what I think of in the for better or worse thing....things that happen in life that really aren't because you are a lazy jerk. It can and does happen to a lot of people, and I've been through plenty of sh!t in my life and come out standing. In many ways I think I've experienced more hard times than him, even though I'm 19 years younger.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

lifeistooshort said:


> No worries, I know it wasn't personal. TAM certainly can skew your beliefs.....but I'm not convinced a lot of women feel this way. Ok there are probably some, probably close to the same amount of men that base their opinions of their wife on her b00b and ass size. Ok so you'd like it if they were nice but for most men they don't have to be 10's.....yeah it would be nice if our guy could make decent money but it doesn't have to be a ton. I mean, bills do have to be paid but we don't need to live in a mansion and drive Jaguars.


Yeah, I think much of what is posted isn't very true to life. Some is and some is not. It's tough to get impressions from just what is posted. Even you stated that you aren't like the person who posts here. You are much less vociferous. Thanks.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

SpinDaddy said:


> Howdy Short:
> 
> The Ms. and I have both been through this (several times) and are teetering on it right now – although this time I’m the sole income.
> 
> ...


Yes, we're familiar with both of those. And I completely agree about the open door thing. Funny thing is I'm not sure he was deliriously happy at his job, but he was used to it and good at it. Hopefully he'll be happier when he finds something else!


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

2ntnuf said:


> Yeah, I think much of what is posted isn't very true to life. Some is and some is not. It's tough to get impressions from just what is posted. Even you stated that you aren't like the person who posts here. You are much less vociferous. Thanks.


Ha ha, thanks :smthumbup:

But I think there might be some here that would disagree with you based on some of my posts.....I do tend to have a big mouth sometimes, though my dentist swears that I in fact have a very small mouth. Hmm, how to reconcile


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## JASON56 (Aug 28, 2014)

The longer he goes without a job the more chance he will just find being home and working on the house on his own time more enjoyable..

He could even work part-time if he wanted to... With a ton of money in the bank and you working, and him being 59, why not semi-retire.. he could do the things that he enjoys and lower the stress level...That is what i would be thinking of but that's me.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

I've been through layoffs, others I've worked with or known have been through layoffs, it's a fact of life these days. 

After 19 years, he is probably getting lots of severance, and as you say, you can support the entire household on your own salary. All of that means he has the luxury of taking some time off to breathe and think and do some research on what he might want to do next. Don't rush him at this point. Give him some time to adjust to the shock - and it is a shock to his system - and to wrap his head around the change.

That outplacement service can help him explore his interests and provide guidance on how to craft his resume and apply for jobs that might be a career change for him (teaching, for example).

Make sure he knows that you support his decisions, and are not upset about this, and that will help ease his mind so he really can explore his interests. As long as you aren't worried, he can allow himself to relax a little. He will likely put pressure on himself, maybe sometimes too much, so as long as you aren't adding to that pressure, you are doing fine.

Severance with very healthy savings plus your income coming in is the best possible way to go through a layoff. Some people see this kind of thing as a real opportunity rather than a negative.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

norajane said:


> I've been through layoffs, others I've worked with or known have been through layoffs, it's a fact of life these days.
> 
> After 19 years, he is probably getting lots of severance, and as you say, you can support the entire household on your own salary. All of that means he has the luxury of taking some time off to breathe and think and do some research on what he might want to do next. Don't rush him at this point. Give him some time to adjust to the shock - and it is a shock to his system - and to wrap his head around the change.
> 
> ...



I certainly see it as an opportunity.....looks like his young bimbo is paying dividends!


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

JASON56 said:


> The longer he goes without a job the more chance he will just find being home and working on the house on his own time more enjoyable..
> 
> He could even work part-time if he wanted to... With a ton of money in the bank and you working, and him being 59, why not semi-retire.. he could do the things that he enjoys and lower the stress level...That is what i would be thinking of but that's me.


Oh, yes. If it were me at 59, I'd be doing the math and figuring out whether I care to get a full time job or not. If a person has enough for current living expenses and retirement, there is no reason to force yourself back into the rat race. Especially now with the Affordable Care Act where you can afford to buy health insurance long before Medicare kicks in, there is even less reason to keep working if you don't have to.


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## SamuraiJack (May 30, 2014)

lifeistooshort said:


> Why would I hold off sex? He's the man in the bedroom and I love sex with him. I'm not an everyday type of gal but he's not an everyday type of guy so we mesh that way. He's already said he's going to keep his workout schedule regular, he's good about that. We're both athletes so we share a lot of that.
> 
> I wouldn't hesitate to kick him in the ass if I really thought he needed it, but let's hope it doesn't come to that.


Its a common pattern for SOME women to withold sex ( possibly unknowing) as a message that they expect them to be breadwinners.
You dont sound like the type, but I figure I would mention it. 

Sometimes when they have more time on their hands, they make more advances, which can lead to a perception of being shot down more. Doesnt always sit well with them.

I have had to explain this to "Not a few" couples.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

norajane said:


> Oh, yes. If it were me at 59, I'd be doing the math and figuring out whether I care to get a full time job or not. If a person has enough for current living expenses and retirement, there is no reason to force yourself back into the rat race. Especially now with the Affordable Care Act where you can afford to buy health insurance long before Medicare kicks in, there is even less reason to keep working if you don't have to.


He has thought about it but I think he would like to keep working another 10 years or so. He does in general like what he does and he likes the structure of getting up and going to work. And he can get insurance through me anyway. 

But if he did decide he wanted to take something cool part time I'd be fine with that, it's up to him.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

I was in with a company that was downsizing....by ONE! It was me. I had mixed feelings. Much weight off my shoulders as I tired of that grind. The people I worked with were nice but moving on was best for me. I did not get depressed. I pressed on for a new job. I did get a job in the same field in about 30 days. Knowing people in my field proved to be fruitful. I started the job and guess what...three months later another downsizing. Last one hired is the first fired. So I started that job search again. Hired again a month later. Same job now for 10 years. In the end, the entire job changing proved to be more fruitful than one can imaging. 

Anyway, my W looked for ways to save and keep positive. In short, I did not feel like I was alone.

At his age perhaps working part time until 62 for SS is a good idea. Do the math...might be worth it.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Yeswecan said:


> I was in with a company that was downsizing....by ONE! It was me. I had mixed feelings. Much weight off my shoulders as I tired of that grind. The people I worked with were nice but moving on was best for me. I did not get depressed. I pressed on for a new job. I did get a job in the same field in about 30 days. Knowing people in my field proved to be fruitful. I started the job and guess what...three months later another downsizing. Last one hired is the first fired. So I started that job search again. Hired again a month later. Same job now for 10 years. In the end, the entire job changing proved to be more fruitful than one can imaging.
> 
> Anyway, my W looked for ways to save and keep positive. In short, I did not feel like I was alone.
> 
> ...



It truly isn't that big of a deal to me. He can do whatever he wants, but I do think he wants to get another job. He generally likes what he does.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Ha ha, so we were joking about how he's doing all the cooking now that he's home. I told him that as long as he could still rough me up when appropriate the other role reversals were no problem.....he laughed and smacked my ass


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

19 years is a long time. Guys frequently merge their identify with their work. After being a peace office 32 years, I wouldn't even know who I was if I lost my job. Praise him, remind him of all you depend on him for, all he is capable of, and how you're not the slightest bit worried. He's been such a good provider, y'all have a nest egg stashed (yeah, I know you work, too, but he's the one needing the boost right now).


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## just got it 55 (Mar 2, 2013)

PBear said:


> I think daily blowjobs have been proven to reduce the likelihood of depression following a job loss. Let me find that study for you...
> 
> C
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Jesus PB that's brilliant

You don't need to post a study it's common knowledge

55


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

It sounds to me like he's feeling your support. He's sharing how he feels about it, keeping with the playful banter... just keep doing what you're doing, I'd say!

We went through this recently. It was tricky timing financially but life happens! He phoned and said he had some bad news. I hadn't heard his tone of voice sound that way before. My immediate thought was that someone had passed away. I braced myself. And when he told me, it was actually a relief... for a minute at least. That night I suggested we go to his fave pub for dinner and we toasted to 'strikes and gutters'. The first week, he lined up coffee with people to share his news and spread the word he was on the market. The second week he was actively applying for a new role and following up on leads that were coming his way from those he knew. It had left him feeling a bit shaky but he knew he had to push those doubts aside for the interview process. He had an influx of support from colleagues and networks. It didn't take long before he was snapped up again. I was touched when he told me how much he appreciated the support I'd given him. I didn't think I'd done anything special, just listened, encouraged, worked with him to figure out how we were going to make it happen. When his new job was confirmed, we went back to his fave pub for dinner and toasted again to 'strikes and gutters'.

I guess my advise is pub dinners? ...Wishing you and your husband all the best. Keep us posted.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

19 years is a long time. I hope he continues to embrace the new opportunity he can have from this and that you both continue being supportive to one another.

Strikes and Gutters - YouTube


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

He is planning to meet some of his old coworkers for lunch today and it will be good for him to socialize. One of my issues here is that I really, really hate my job right now and just interviewed for another one, and am continuing to look. I feel bad saying too much about it though because I'm sure he feels like at least I have a job.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

I love the blow job comments. That will certainly go a long way towards his happiness.....no study/proof needed.

:smthumbup:

But that should be the norm before he got laid off anyways.....right OP? ......right


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Um yeah, I don't think our sex life has ever been an issue. I don't care for anal but oral? No problem, we both like to give


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## wanttolove (Jan 25, 2012)

I was fired in very traumatic fashion at the end of March after nearly 25 years with the same company. My wife was not supportive of me at all, even asked me two days later if I had made a decision about my relationship with her. Guess she thought that as long as I was losing, might just be easier to lose a little more. I am not one to get knocked down for long, networked to find my eventual employer in less that two days after I was fired.

Your husband is so fortunate to have you. Be proud of yourself. I am sure he is proud of you.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Well the hubby seems to be doing ok. He's doing a good job keeping his exercise routine together and has been cooking like a madman. Gets a little irritable from time to time but I suppose that's to be expected, I've been trying not to take it personally. Unfortunately that's something I tend to struggle with.

On my front I interviewed for a job I really want and am waiting to hear. Last week I was told I was in the top two for consideration and they should be making a final decision this week. Possible that if I don't get this one there might be something else for me in the company.....fingers crossed. I hate my current job so I find myself trying not to be crabby as well.

We had a nice intimate morning this morning though, so hopefully we'll both be in better moods today.


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

VermisciousKnid said:


> He should keep up his social contacts with the other folks who were laid off at the same time. We used to meet at a pub to compare notes. That serves a few purposes: 1. You have people to commiserate with who know exactly how you feel. 2. You get a chance to say goodbye to friends properly. Some layoffs involve going straight to your desk, grabbing your stuff, and leaving immediately. That's a sucky way to leave. 3. Networking. Folks will be sending out resumes and getting interviews, and though they might not get hired for a particular job they can pass on that intel to friends and share the ins and outs of the job hunt.
> 
> So I think he should try to set up a regular get together, assuming he likes the people enough to want to see them.


You have to be selective of the people you commiserate with. 

I remember shortly after I separated from my wife I started hanging out with a friend who had experienced divorce. He took me to a bar where he spent a lot of time with his other divorced friends. I swear they should have had bowls of Prozac on the table rather than peanuts. It was a real pity party. I decided then and there that was not the direction I wanted to take. 

It's often helpful to share with people who have experienced the same thing but you want to choose the group that's handling it in a positive way.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Well I got the job I wanted, and they gave me a nice raise! I've been so miserable at my job that it's been hard for me to be fully supportive of the hubby. I'm trying not to stick it in his face, but he does seem happy for me. And more money plus happier wife is good for him.

As for him, he seems to be doing ok. He has started to look for a job and fortunately what he does is something that pretty much every company needs. I just got lucky because what I do is very specific and it just so happened that someone in town needed one of me and I had friends there....

Hubby is getting up with me in the morning and getting his workout in. He's been cooking like crazy, hopefully I'll still remember how when he does go back to work. He's definitely wanted a little more sex since he's been home, I think he's just more rested. I took the day off a couple of days ago and we had a nooner.....put us both in a good mood. Told him I'd come home for lunch today 

I hope he finds something, but this time of year is tough with everyone doing budgets. But the holidays are coming so that should help him keep his mind off of things, and he has been having lunch here and there with his work friends. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for him.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

Tell him to be positive and optimistic.

Don't think of it as a great ending, think of it as a great beginning.

Assure him you will be there no matter what.

Rest is up to him, keep supporting him and you guys will be just fine.

And the most important bit, Remember, looking for a job IS a full time job.

No need to panic or worry. Neither of those do any good for EITHER of you.

Good luck


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Be sure to show your excitement for him in his new ability to start a new career that he really likes. And be careful not to rush him - the perfect job may take a while to find.


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## SurpriseMyself (Nov 14, 2009)

Do NOT let him wallow in this! My H got laid off and spun his wheels for 18 months, burned through most of his severance package (which was a substantial amount) and was on unemployment for most of that time. He just couldn't get himself together, and honestly I was too supportive (I just let his decisions be ok with me when they really weren't).

He wouldn't take my help, either, which was frustrating. Even though I have a liberal arts degree, I can always find work. I'm good at writing resumes and a strong interviewer. He had too much pride to accept my help. Hope your H isn't like this!!

If my H had just accepted a contract job, any decent job, we would actually be ahead financially today instead of living paycheck to paycheck.


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## nuclearnightmare (May 15, 2013)

wanttolove said:


> I was fired in very traumatic fashion at the end of March after nearly 25 years with the same company. My wife was not supportive of me at all, even asked me two days later if I had made a decision about my relationship with her. Guess she thought that as long as I was losing, might just be easier to lose a little more. I am not one to get knocked down for long, networked to find my eventual employer in less that two days after I was fired.
> 
> Your husband is so fortunate to have you. Be proud of yourself. I am sure he is proud of you.



that must have felt good to get back in the swing of things so quickly. Sounds like you need to start networking to find a new wife. That's another search that is best not to put off.


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## nuclearnightmare (May 15, 2013)

lifeistooshort said:


> Well I got the job I wanted, and they gave me a nice raise! I've been so miserable at my job that it's been hard for me to be fully supportive of the hubby. I'm trying not to stick it in his face, but he does seem happy for me. And more money plus happier wife is good for him.
> 
> As for him, he seems to be doing ok. He has started to look for a job and fortunately what he does is something that pretty much every company needs. I just got lucky because what I do is very specific and it just so happened that someone in town needed one of me and I had friends there....
> 
> ...



hurray for you!!!! having a job you don't like can be as bad as being unemployed. At least that's how I felt about one job in particular. of course I can wallow in pretty much any job-related situation without too much trouble, unless I really love what I'm doing.........


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

nuclearnightmare said:


> hurray for you!!!! having a job you don't like can be as bad as being unemployed. At least that's how I felt about one job in particular. of course I can wallow in pretty much any job-related situation without too much trouble, unless I really love what I'm doing.........



Thanks! In some ways it's worse because you feel like you should be grateful to have one. I feel so lucky that I found one doing exactly what I like to do for more money, and I get to work with friends! How much more can you ask for?
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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

SurpriseMyself said:


> Do NOT let him wallow in this! My H got laid off and spun his wheels for 18 months, burned through most of his severance package (which was a substantial amount) and was on unemployment for most of that time. He just couldn't get himself together, and honestly I was too supportive (I just let his decisions be ok with me when they really weren't).
> 
> He wouldn't take my help, either, which was frustrating. Even though I have a liberal arts degree, I can always find work. I'm good at writing resumes and a strong interviewer. He had too much pride to accept my help. Hope your H isn't like this!!
> 
> If my H had just accepted a contract job, any decent job, we would actually be ahead financially today instead of living paycheck to paycheck.




I hope it doesn't come to that. My paycheck is good and can basically support the house but it would be tight. I hope your hb gets himself together.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Well hubby has applied for a few jobs and had an interview last week. Seemed to go well, nobody's really filling positions the week of Christmas but his spirits have been up, so that's a positive.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mr The Other (Feb 1, 2014)

This is one of the kindest threads I have ever read.


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## wanttolove (Jan 25, 2012)

nuclearnightmare said:


> that must have felt good to get back in the swing of things so quickly. Sounds like you need to start networking to find a new wife. That's another search that is best not to put off.


It felt great to win the employment battle. Eight months later, my new boss is ecstatic that I fell into his lap (no rude comments, please heh heh) because our small office is up over one million dollars from last year (seriously). I got a raise two months early, am looking at a significant bonus next month due to exceeding the sales goal. That bonus could pay for a divorce lawyer....

I am so glad to hear how well you and your husband are doing, OP. So good.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Well our wait is now over, hubby got a job! It's making about 2/3 of what he was making but that's what his position is worth. He'd been at his other company a long time and had seen lots of raises to the point where he was overpaid.

Besides, I make enough money so that when combined with his new job is plenty to live on and save. I'm not currently getting child support from the ex but that's another story. 

I have mixed feelings about him going back to work, he was such a great house husband, but I know he isn't quite ready to retire and he feels better bringing some money in. Now he can socialize a bit at work and the job should be relatively low stress. And his benefits should be good so I don't have to carry him on mine. 

So he starts tomorrow and I have to start cooking again. ....at least part time 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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