# Tons and Tons of Dating Site Spam. What does that mean?



## Calliebess

Hi All,

First time poster. Been lurking for quite some time. The people here are rational and very helpful.  That being said, it's my turn to ask for some imput.

My husband and I have been together for ten years. We are in our mid 40's with grown children who do not live with us. There have been some ups and down over the years. The sad thing is that even when times are good he has exhibited some pretty bad behavior. 

My latest concern is the amount of dating site spam he receives. If he has 500 spam in his mailbox, I would say half or more are from dating sites. Does that mean he is looking at them currently? I have known that in the past (during his bad behavior times, he has cruised Adult Friend Finder type of sites). Do you have to currently be going to sites to receive this kind of spam mail? I know I don't get that type of spam on my end. But...I also don't go to pervy sex dating sites either.
Give it to me straight people!


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## 827Aug

Based on my past experience, the answer is probably yes. You may want to have a look at some of the profiles on various dating sites.


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## Affaircare

I can not speak for your hubby, but I know that I am an ecstatically married relationship coach and do not surf one single "dating site" and yet at this moment right now I have 133 emails in my inbox and 303 in my spam filter, and about 1 in 3 of those emails is some sort of "Singles" ad or another. I get Latino singles (and I am not hispanic), Russian brides (and I'm a female), Match.com, and people who supposedly "found my profile" and want to send me photos! My Dear Hubby can see my screen, and he knows that I do not go on even ONE dating site. 

It is my experience that if you are "out there" on the internet at all--like if you have a website, blog, facebook and twitter--that your name is sold to some of these sleezy places and they will solicit. There are lots of lonely people out there, so the fact is they make money by sending out an email and someone falls for it. 

That doesn't really answer your question, but I can say I do not visit any kind of porn, adult or dating and I have 130 or more emails from them in my box now...as I type to you.


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## Calliebess

I thought about doing that but to be honest, there are so many sites and so many people on them, who has that kind of time? Also, you usually have to become a member to view profiles and that's not something I really want to do. Ugh....wtf? Seriosuly? 
Just pisses me off to think of him doing this. When I found out years ago he was trolling these types of sites I hit the roof. I was devastated to say the least. I could not wrap my head around why he would be doing this. We have sex daily (and not just vanilla sex, either), I keep myself in great shape and am enthusiastic. Apparently, that's not enough for him. Nothing is ever enough for him....ever. I must be a moron for thinking he could ever change!


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## Calliebess

Thanks Affaircare for the input. I will say I have a FB page and I am on the internet far more than he is and yet I don't get that type of email at all. But now that you say you get them and never go to those types of sites I don't know what to think!


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## 827Aug

Interesting. I have two e-mail accounts. One of those accounts was mainly used as a way to snoop on the estranged husband's dating site profiles. That was a couple of years ago. And that account was used to enroll in several of the dating sites as part of that. That e-mail account gets loads of dating site spam. The other e-mail account used for my daily life gets hardly any of that spam.


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## Calliebess

827Aug said:


> Interesting. I have two e-mail accounts. One of those accounts was mainly used as a way to snoop on the estranged husband's dating site profiles. That was a couple of years ago. And that account was used to enroll in several of the dating sites as part of that. That e-mail account gets loads of dating site spam. The other e-mail account used for my daily life gets hardly any of that spam.


The email account is his daily account that he uses on the up and up. I know he had another account for his slim shady stuff but of course I don't have the password for that addy!


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## twotimeloser

There is something going on. I would bet a testicle on it.

Look man, I am on the net a lot. I have about 110 Favorites, and I belong to all the major things.. Twitter, Facebook... I belong to review websites like Yelp and a bunch of boards as well. I even visit off the wall sites too like Fark.com and such.. I have NEVER gotten any of that stuff. Not once!! 

But my wife did. From eHarmony and such... And guess what? She cheated. 

Now she doesnt get any of that stuff.. not since we had total transparency. Funny how that works.

Dating emails dont just happen. 

If you are cruising the net in an innocent manner, then you wont get those things. That is my experience.


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## Saffron

I get all kinds of strange spam from f*#kbook, singles, viagra, penis enlargement.... which makes me laugh since I don't have a penis. Anyway, I'm all over the internet and have never trolled dating or hook up sites, but still get tons of this stuff.

However, since your husband had an issue with it in the past, I'd do some snooping. Good luck and hopefully it's just spam fail.


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## Lilyana

Install a keylogger.. you can find answers that way. Otherwise its just spam mail that could have come from anywhere


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## michzz

I have to disagree with those convinced he has to be on dating sites to get the spam.

Sure, it could be. However, in my career I worked at an anti-spam email company for awhile.

One of the things I had to do was to set up what was called a honeypot. It was a server setup with email addresses. All we had to do was click on a link on even nonsexual websites. Practically anything selling something.

And we'd use the email address to send and receive email--not even to any odd addresses at all.

Within minutes, shoot, even seconds, the email would come pouring in. Spam of all stripe.

Dating sites, porn, politics, selling toasters, wanting political discussion. Everything!

Once your IP address is being squirted out onto the internet via email, someone is grabbing that information and using it.

It's enough to make you both be impressed with antivirus software vendors and want to light your laptop on fire and go offline.


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## Neil

Disagree.

I'm in the IT profession.

once you start with spam, that's it.
You will never get rid of it, all it does is increase.

Once your email address is "passed on" or compromised , it continuously gets passed on and on and on etc (ie sold on).

Only with an effective spam filter or any action by service providers will it reduce but even then its a constant never ending battle.

But to accuse someone of dating sites just because of spam is wide of the mark IMO.

My partner gets email offering viagra, penis enlargement etc, doesn't mean she has been looking into a sex change.

Of course, past actions may indicate something else, but that would then be a different story. (if their are other things amiss, then share them, if this is the only thing that doesn't feel right, I would ignore it)


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## paramore

I have never ever been on a dating site, and I get stuff in my spam and junk for dating sites, penis enlargement, shoot I get stuff for rogaine, and I am a girl. My mother gets a lot of stuff too, never cheated. My husband got upset at that spam before, when he was gone the last time, i had looked at his email...junk mail there was an email or two from a dating site, SEE HONEY!!!! TOLD YA SO. This is just me personally though.


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## twotimeloser

well maybe you should just tell her to never sign up for anything. lol


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## PBear

You mean it's not my wife signing me up for those penis enlargement e-mails? Excuse me, I've got an apology to make!

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Neil

In addition, it doesn't even have to be your own PC that gets compromised, or by registering ANYWHERE on ANY SITE.

Your friends, family etc can have theirs infected with a virus that can actually lift out and use their email address book. If its in their, BAM, YOUR email address is compromised, and get ready for the tirade of SPAM.

If you receive one SPAM message ever, I can guarentee that its just the beginning


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## Craggy456

I found dozens of those kinds of emails in my husband's account and he had actually read them. Turns out he's got profiles on all of these accounts!


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## Calliebess

Thanks to everyone who posted a reply. Seems to be a split decision as to what to make of this.


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## Affaircare

No not really. It's just not a "smoking gun." If he gets spam for dating sites and viagra and insurance ad coupons and Russian brides and satellites TV and "hotties in your city"...then chances are it is just spam from having his IP or email sold out somewhere. On the other hand if he cheated in the past AND all of the spam is only dating/hookup sites...then that's a different story. See what I mean? By itself it is not conclusive. Together with other evidence it may be a part of the proof. In this instance it's just not something like a photo or catching them "in the act" which is pretty conclusive.


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## jj+mg

thanks to you all you hve just saved an argument i have joint email with the love of mu life weve only had internet a few months however when i was younger i had email facebook and myspace also im always sighning up for random junk and freebees so my name is ALL OVER this thing and ive never in my life been near a dating site...ill admit yes porn but only free stuff and never ever left my name on the site also i watch it with my husband we are never online seperatly always together so you could understand his confusion when its popping up that i "signed" for thease dating sites that i would never dream of signing for seeing as i am a gay male and they are for "horny milfs" and random female stuff that is a COMPLEAT turn off...he never signs for anything and has only ever had a myspace years ago so his name is never used online just mine after reading almost everything in this page to him "a bit loudly and heated i must admit" he finally shut down looked at me nd said sorry...i am a faithfull man never cheated nor even though of such thing i dont get around nor have i ever so even i was a lil confused so thank sooooooo much to you all


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## MattMatt

I receive a lot of this type of spam via my work account.


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## richardsharpe

Good evening all
Lots of Russian girls want to meet me. And that is on an account that I am quite careful about using. Turns out I'm on a work related German mailing list, and somehow that list got grabbed by spammers.

I also apparently need a larger penis. I need more joy in my intimate life. I've been chosen as a distinguished executive. A Turkish airline wants to hire me. 

I'm sure the stuff in Russian and Chinese is also very important.

Good news is that several Nigerians want me to help them move money out of the country - so I'm set


I don't think that spam by itself is in any way suspicious. Its true that you can get on mailing lists by visiting certain types of sites, but you can also get on the list completely accidentally.


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## HarryDoyle

Gmail catches all my spam, but every once in awhile I have to check it to make sure it's not filtering any good email. It never ceases to amaze me some of the crap that's in my spam folder. Hot singles from Russia, prescription drugs, Viagra, some chick that is just dying to meet me.

I'm very careful with my email address and I don't visit dating sites or porn sites but I do visit a ton of sports sites and subscribe to a bunch of them, so maybe that's it, I don't know, but I wouldn't put to much into to it.


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## G.J.

Calliebess said:


> Thanks Affaircare for the input. I will say I have a FB page and I am on the internet far more than he is and yet I don't get that type of email at all. But now that you say you get them and never go to those types of sites I don't know what to think!


I doubt you would visit the sites he does and I don't mean dating sites

I get quite a few as I d/l films + comic books (huge fan of Marvel/DC a lot and its all dating sites and I don't use them

But keep your eye on him as you never know, perhaps a keylogger for peace of mind would help


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## Sports Fan

Basically if he has been recieving emails he has certainly be looking at them and possibly signing up. Sorry


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## MattMatt

Sports Fan said:


> Basically if he has been recieving emails he has certainly be looking at them and possibly signing up. Sorry


Really? No. Not really.

I receive lots of emails. I don't read them all.


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## Meli33

A lot of companies do remarketing campaigns these days. Once your computer has visited a website, they capture your computer IP address then follow you around the Internet with ads from there previously visited website. Especially ones you have visited a lot. Have you noticed any dating ads on any of the websites you have visited (I'm assuming you share the same computer ?


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## Q tip

As I read this, I look at my security. This website itself currently has 9 trackers on it. These are invisible trackers that note your activity. While they do not know your email addy, my security rejects them outright. 

They are at this moment along with a few sample descriptions:

*Amazon Associates*

*Double Click*

*New Relic* -- An all-in-one web application performance tool that lets you see performance from the end user experience, through servers, and down to the line of application code

*eXelate* -- make the process of accessing online audiences simple, safe, and scalable by arming data buyers and data owners with proprietary technology that automates data connections and centralizes audience management. Through our DataLinX data management platform, we enable transparent, secure, private data connections for publishers, data owners and marketers

*Facebook Connect
Google Analytics
Google+ Platform

Scorecard Research* -- a leader in the Internet market research industry. Companies across a wide variety of industries turn to Full Circle Studies to conduct research to better understand the likes and dislikes of consumers. The reports that are compiled from these projects help these companies to improve their products and services.

*VigLink* -- Get paid by the sites you link. VigLink lets you supplement your site's advertising revenue

They are called Web Trackers or Beacons. Source of revenue and market intelligence for this site. They do keeps tabs on you then serve up services they think you'll be interested in. Nosey folks. Google them for more info.

Or use duckduckgo.com or other secure services if you want to "Google" things without Google watching...

You can also hide your IP addy from these marketers. Also VPN from home so your internet provider does not know what you're doing or track you. Even use Tor networks to get around anonymously... Plenty of choices for the paranoid in us.

Delete your cookies once in a while. Flash cookies too. Flash Cookies (LSO - Local Shared Object) take more effort. They are not normal cookies. Read up on cookies before you delete them. They can be helpful too. Me? I nuke them all.

I've created an email address that I've never used and watched all the junk come in. Amazing. Having only created the address at that's it. Lots of raunchy stuff to. So, no. I would not worry very much. It's all internet crap.


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## Q tip

MattMatt said:


> Really? No. Not really.
> 
> I receive lots of emails. I don't read them all.


Could you forward some to me. It's lonely here in my moms basement...


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## MattMatt

Q tip said:


> Could you forward some to me. It's lonely here in my moms basement...


It's easy! Just post your email address on every forum you visit!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MachoMcCoy

Your computer knows your husband has a penis. Result? Dating sight spam. And lots of it.


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## vellocet

I get that crap and have never been on a dating site ever. 

I don't even do Facebook. Forums like this are the only sites I ever bothered to sign up for.

But notice the ads for dating Russian, Asian, latino women here on TAM? With some sites that might be part of the problem, not saying TAM is.


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## KingwoodKev

vellocet said:


> I get that crap and have never been on a dating site ever.
> 
> I don't even do Facebook. Forums like this are the only sites I ever bothered to sign up for.
> 
> But notice the ads for dating Russian, Asian, latino women here on TAM? With some sites that might be part of the problem, not saying TAM is.


I find the ads here strange considering what a lot of us are dealing with/have dealt with. What are they trying to say? "Hey, you've been F'd over so how bout trying one of these gals out."


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## G.J.

vellocet said:


> I get that crap and have never been on a dating site ever.
> 
> I don't even do Facebook. Forums like this are the only sites I ever bothered to sign up for.
> 
> But notice the ads for dating Russian, Asian, latino women here on TAM? With some sites that might be part of the problem, not saying TAM is.


TAM is causing marital issues now that's ironic hehe


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## Squeakr

G.J. said:


> TAM is causing marital issues now that's ironic hehe


I did, well added to them, in my case as the STBXW always claimed that I was getting brainwashed and tainted by the stories of other on her and their thoughts being posted. Truth is that she exemplified most of the worst traits in a WS and she knew it but like everything else would blameshift and gas light to now make TAM the new culprit.


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## wmn1

I don't visit porn sites, dating sites and yet like affaircare, I get spam all the time from these sites. I also get pop up ads too.


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## michzz

The ads are sold via third parties for web sites such as this. And that involves analyzing the content of the postings.

No real discernment goes into how dating ads will effect the users of the website.

Only thing to do is complain or ignore them. 

They are not indicators of the viewers interests.


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## Squeakr

I haven't been able to verify this either, but I believe that when you click the unsubscribe link, it sometimes lists the email as active and then is listed on a "sale" list so the spambot may sell these addresses to affiliates, hence the growth of spam after "unsubscribing" from emails (I try to not click that link and just delete for this reason.


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## WorkingOnMe

Thanks for bumping a 4 year old thread newb.


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