# Very little sensation.



## Feeling lost and lonely (Dec 15, 2015)

I have the problem that I don't feel much when having an orgasm. Actually I can barely tell that I do. 
I am 38 years old otherwise healthy and had a circumcision done a couple of years ago but my doctor can't see any issues from that. 
Going to see him again beginning of next week. It was better before that but so was my marriage and I think that has more to do with it.
I was thinking maybe sex therapy but not sure it would be worth it.

Anyone have any ideas?


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## shrah25 (Mar 22, 2017)

Feeling lost and lonely said:


> I have the problem that I don't feel much when having an orgasm. Actually I can barely tell that I do.
> I am 38 years old otherwise healthy and had a circumcision done a couple of years ago but my doctor can't see any issues from that.
> Going to see him again beginning of next week. It was better before that but so was my marriage and I think that has more to do with it.
> I was thinking maybe sex therapy but not sure it would be worth it.
> ...


Hi @Feeling lost and lonely

Thanks for your post and your openness and honesty. I know it must not be easy.

Now generally there are a couple of different angles here when this sort of thing happens. One is the physical side of things. You're obviously getting that checked out which is good. 
The second part is the emotional side of things. Often these feelings are sometimes suppressed due to a blocking of energies and emotions hence, my question is - does this primarily happen during masturbation or during sex?

Inevitably, when there is an emotional connection with someone, some of the emotions can sometimes re-surface, helping with the orgasm but it may be a little deeper than that.

Look forward to your reply.

Thanks


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## Feeling lost and lonely (Dec 15, 2015)

It happens during both. My wife and I are very disconnected in so many ways and don't have sex very often.

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## Vinnydee (Jan 4, 2016)

I had a circumcision when I was 25 and it did not affect my sex life. In fact, I busted the stitches because I could not wait. It could be a mental problem similar to men who have had a vasectomy. They lose their urge to mate or something. The head of your penis does get less sensitive when you are circumcised but not to the point that it affects your orgasm.

Are you taking any medication? There are some medications out there that will make you anorgasmic. I was on a few antidepressants that either made me impotent or anorgasmic. Other types of drugs can also do that like pain and other meds. One thing you can do is have sex or masturbate, but stop before you orgasm. Do that a few times and then orgasm and see if that helps. My wife and I got into chastity play where we have sex as usual except that she gets to orgasm every time while I have to wait until I am busting. We found that my orgasms are much greater when I have been teased and denied for a period of time. Other than that, see a doctor. Could be low testosterone or mental issues like depression. I did not know I was depressed because I was not like what I saw in the movies or on TV. Depression takes on many forms, some subtle.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Are you saying that this is something new since your circumcision?

If your doctor says that there is nothing physically wrong, then I think that a sex therapist would be a good idea. You might have a mental block due to the circumcision.


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## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

Age? In decent shape? Do you masterbate and does if feel different?

Do you try to hold back and not orgasm to let the sensation build?


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## Feeling lost and lonely (Dec 15, 2015)

Vinnydee said:


> I had a circumcision when I was 25 and it did not affect my sex life. In fact, I busted the stitches because I could not wait. It could be a mental problem similar to men who have had a vasectomy. They lose their urge to mate or something. The head of your penis does get less sensitive when you are circumcised but not to the point that it affects my orgasm.
> 
> Are you taking any medication? There are some medications out there that will make you anorgasmic. I was on a few antidepressants that either made me impotent of anorgasmic. Other types of drug can do that like pain and other meds. One thing you can do is have sex or masturbate but stop before you orgasm. Do that a few times and then orgasm and see if that helps. My wife and I got into chastity play where we have sex as usual except that she gets to orgasm every time but I have to wait. We found that my orgasms are much greater when I have been teased and denied for a period of time. Other than that, see a doctor. Could be low testosterone or mental issues.


It has been the same with being on some medicine as it has been without any. I have not tried the stop before orgasm but I have tried to not masturbate for a week and a half or two with no difference. I tried Cialis because my doctor said that sometimes it helps, I wouldn't say it did any difference. Doctor said testosterone count was within what it should be. 

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## Feeling lost and lonely (Dec 15, 2015)

EleGirl said:


> Are you saying that this is something new since your circumcision?
> 
> If your doctor says that there is nothing physically wrong, then I think that a sex therapist would be a good idea. You might have a mental block due to the circumcision.


It was better before my surgery but so was our marriage or at least so I thought so not sure if because of surgery or deteriorated marriage. 
He could not see anything that looked like it was damaged, everything healing properly.



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## Feeling lost and lonely (Dec 15, 2015)

chillymorn69 said:


> Age? In decent shape? Do you masterbate and does if feel different?
> 
> Do you try to hold back and not orgasm to let the sensation build?


I am 38, not in great shape but not bad either. 
Same feeling either way.

I have not tried that.

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## Feeling lost and lonely (Dec 15, 2015)

The more I think about it the more I see the mental part of it being the problem. 
I don't know if it is worth the money for sex therapy just for my benefit.

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## JustTheFacts (Jun 27, 2017)

How are things with the wife ? Does she still hang out with other men?


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Feeling lost and lonely said:


> The more I think about it the more I see the mental part of it being the problem.


It is very possible that you may be getting aroused and then forcing yourself to an orgasm. When you reach orgasm does it look and feel like someone on a survival show really struggling to get a fire started by rubbing to sticks together? If so you are forcing things and need to learn how to relax and focus more on enjoyable mental stimulation and less on forceful physical stimulation. 

Try finding something to read that is extremely erotic and also on a sexual topic that you find arousing. Do not stimulate yourself physically, but pay attention to your arousal levels as arousing as you focus on arousing thoughts. Since you are reading instead of watching porn (which can numb the mind) it will be possible to imagine your own wife in the arousing scenario that you are reading. Once you find something that really excites you, then share that with your wife in a conversation and spend some time talking about how an idea might make each of you feel. Once you get to the point where you and your wife find a topic that seems enjoyable then you can trying acting on it and enjoy the experience together. 

You might find it helpful to try having sex for a while for the sole purpose of avoiding orgasms. It is an exercise that helps some couples learn how to avoid "goal oriented" sex in favor of "emotionally bonding" sex. Some folks even create a lifestyle out of it, but that is going too far in my opinion. Just a tool to help you get back to basics. You can read about that here:

https://www.reuniting.info/karezza_korner_intro

Regards, 
Badsanta


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

Feeling lost and lonely said:


> It happens during both. My wife and I are very disconnected in so many ways and don't have sex very often.


A good part of sex is purely mental. So if you are disconnected from your partner, well the sex is going to be pretty blah.

What TYPE of sex are you having? is the the purest of vanilla sex...missionary position...wham bam thankyou ma'am? Or is there foreplay, sex toys, restraints, sexy lingerie, weird acrobatic positions involved? See the point, you get out of the sex act what the TWO of you put into it. 

Try blindfolding her, and tying her hands behind her back. Then have sex, and see if either one of you finds it much more exciting that way. That may give you a clue on what path to pursue to up the anty


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## Feeling lost and lonely (Dec 15, 2015)

JustTheFacts said:


> How are things with the wife ? Does she still hang out with other men?


She still has one that she talks to occasionally and every so often see for a half hour or so to talk. Well at least that's what she say, don't trust her anymore. Some things are better between us now but just things that makes it easier being parents together and sharing a house and financially. Intimacy is not better and I don't think it will get better either. I have started talking to a different therapist that hopefully can help.

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## Feeling lost and lonely (Dec 15, 2015)

badsanta said:


> It is very possible that you may be getting aroused and then forcing yourself to an orgasm. When you reach orgasm does it look and feel like someone on a survival show really struggling to get a fire started by rubbing to sticks together? If so you are forcing things and need to learn how to relax and focus more on enjoyable mental stimulation and less on forceful physical stimulation.
> 
> Try finding something to read that is extremely erotic and also on a sexual topic that you find arousing. Do not stimulate yourself physically, but pay attention to your arousal levels as arousing as you focus on arousing thoughts. Since you are reading instead of watching porn (which can numb the mind) it will be possible to imagine your own wife in the arousing scenario that you are reading. Once you find something that really excites you, then share that with your wife in a conversation and spend some time talking about how an idea might make each of you feel. Once you get to the point where you and your wife find a topic that seems enjoyable then you can trying acting on it and enjoy the experience together.
> 
> ...


I wouldn't say that my problem is like that. I do read some erotic stories and they arouse me the same way. I think that the way things are now between my wife and I that we have a lot of things to fix between us before we can get into physical intimacy again.

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## Wife5362 (Oct 30, 2013)

Your wife is still talking and seeing one of her APs? Why are you still married to her? 

You seem like some torture victim that is so used to his conditions that he is afraid to leave his capture. I have a feeling your sexuality will be messed up until you leave and see another way of life. Even if you have to sell the house, live at a lower standard, see your children a little less, your life will improve.


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## Feeling lost and lonely (Dec 15, 2015)

Talker67 said:


> A good part of sex is purely mental. So if you are disconnected from your partner, well the sex is going to be pretty blah.
> 
> What TYPE of sex are you having? is the the purest of vanilla sex...missionary position...wham bam thankyou ma'am? Or is there foreplay, sex toys, restraints, sexy lingerie, weird acrobatic positions involved? See the point, you get out of the sex act what the TWO of you put into it.
> 
> Try blindfolding her, and tying her hands behind her back. Then have sex, and see if either one of you finds it much more exciting that way. That may give you a clue on what path to pursue to up the anty


Last time we did anything was in beginning of December when we tried some marriage counselling. I gave her oral until she had an orgasm then missionary until I did. 
Not once during this did she touch me at all. I asked her about it during our next counselling session she said she was just relaxed. Later she admitted that she was basically thinking of somebody else that's why she didn't touch me.
Me giving her oral then missionary is the way on those rare occasions. Once has she given me oral even though she claims that she did once before in a hotel we stayed at so im not sure else she stayed with in a hotel or if she miss remember that too.

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## Feeling lost and lonely (Dec 15, 2015)

Wife5362 said:


> Your wife is still talking and seeing one of her APs? Why are you still married to her?
> 
> You seem like some torture victim that is so used to his conditions that he is afraid to leave his capture. I have a feeling your sexuality will be messed up until you leave and see another way of life. Even if you have to sell the house, live at a lower standard, see your children a little less, your life will improve.


The one she occasionally see is not one of the physical affair partners even though possible an EA. I am very used to it and not strong enough to just leave and financially not able to now. 

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## twoofus (Jun 16, 2017)

Feeling lost and lonely said:


> I have the problem that I don't feel much when having an orgasm. Actually I can barely tell that I do.
> I am 38 years old otherwise healthy and had a circumcision done a couple of years ago but my doctor can't see any issues from that.
> Going to see him again beginning of next week. It was better before that but so was my marriage and I think that has more to do with it.
> I was thinking maybe sex therapy but not sure it would be worth it.
> ...


Possibly you have covered this, but might you be having an ejaculation without orgasm? This has happened to me on a couple of occasions caused by a unwanted distraction or thought at the point of no return. Although orgasm usually happens at the same time as ejaculation they can occur independently.


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## Feeling lost and lonely (Dec 15, 2015)

twoofus said:


> Possibly you have covered this, but might you be having an ejaculation without orgasm? This has happened to me on a couple of occasions caused by a unwanted distraction or thought at the point of no return. Although orgasm usually happens at the same time as ejaculation they can occur independently.


Can that happen every time?

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## twoofus (Jun 16, 2017)

Feeling lost and lonely said:


> Can that happen every time?
> 
> Sent from my A571VL using Tapatalk


What is on your mind when you ejaculate? Are you trying too hard to cum? I think given your circumstance, a proper orgasm would be hard to come by (no pun intended).


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Feeling lost and lonely said:


> The one she occasionally see is not one of the physical affair partners even though possible an EA. I am very used to it and not strong enough to just leave and financially not able to now.
> 
> Sent from my A571VL using Tapatalk


(just a joke to cheer you up)

OMG, we will save you Bruce Wayne! What has she done?


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## Feeling lost and lonely (Dec 15, 2015)

twoofus said:


> What is on your mind when you ejaculate? Are you trying too hard to cum? I think given your circumstance, a proper orgasm would be hard to come by (no pun intended).


What's on my mind is probably will it be any different this time?

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## Feeling lost and lonely (Dec 15, 2015)

badsanta said:


> (just a joke to cheer you up)
> 
> OMG, we will save you Bruce Wayne! What has she done?


Lol

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