# help! husbands not attracted anymore?



## Jean66 (Apr 2, 2010)

hello, I am new here and am in desperate need of help! I am in my second marriage we have been married for about 10 years. now as with most marriages we have had or share of problems but no matter how bad we argued or fought the sex was always great, we have never went to bed mad enough that it interferred with our sex life its always been very interesting and extremely good. we are always trying new things. but something has happened over the last about month and a half, for some reason it has died! I mean completely! if we do have anything to do with each other its very quick absolutely no foreplay no kissing and he always has to be behind me. I have tried everything to liven it up and nothing seems to work, Im afraid he cant stand to touch me anymore, now we are getting along great in every other aspect of our marriage he tells me he loves me, he comes straight home from work nothing out of the ordinary, I know there is no way hes cheating, but I have put on 20 pounds this winter maybe thats part of it? but last night was all I could take and I asked him what was the problem and I think I just made things worse he got angry and now I dont know what to do any help would be greatly apreciated please!


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## HappyHer (Nov 12, 2009)

Wait until he calms down and then try again. Make sure this time you use "I" statements and don't accuse him or blame him. Say something like "I'm afraid I'm not attractive to you anymore because I've put on weight. Would you please help me work this out so we are able to get back to the great sex that I loved so much." Do it during a quiet time that is somewhere outside the bedroom and not just after you've had sex.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

I am not taking sides here. I am just asking a question. If he tells you your weight IS a problem how will you respond?

My experience there are two kinds of women - those who understand some guys are really bothered by weight and those who don't and get angry and blame the guy. 






Jean66 said:


> hello, I am new here and am in desperate need of help! I am in my second marriage we have been married for about 10 years. now as with most marriages we have had or share of problems but no matter how bad we argued or fought the sex was always great, we have never went to bed mad enough that it interferred with our sex life its always been very interesting and extremely good. we are always trying new things. but something has happened over the last about month and a half, for some reason it has died! I mean completely! if we do have anything to do with each other its very quick absolutely no foreplay no kissing and he always has to be behind me. I have tried everything to liven it up and nothing seems to work, Im afraid he cant stand to touch me anymore, now we are getting along great in every other aspect of our marriage he tells me he loves me, he comes straight home from work nothing out of the ordinary, I know there is no way hes cheating, but I have put on 20 pounds this winter maybe thats part of it? but last night was all I could take and I asked him what was the problem and I think I just made things worse he got angry and now I dont know what to do any help would be greatly apreciated please!


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Do* you *think it is the weight? Is he the quiet type that hesitates to speak what is REALLY on his mind, or say something that might hurt you ? 

I have asked my husband a million questions over the years, just the way I am, seeking out how he feels about just any darn thing, even things that have never happened, what he would do in that situation , etc. When I asked this one, he pretty much told me >>> if I gained too much weight, he would still love me, but he would NOT desire me. Some men are just like this. (Women too- I am one of them) And he probably wouldnt come out and tell me either, cause that is the way HE is. (although I am different than him!) 

These things can definetly, for some, affect desire and passion. 

20lbs is not all that much, if the thought of asking him will be excrutiating for you, or if you feel he will still avoid trying to hurt you this way (I understand this could hurt -feeling rejected), then just work on loosing some , it will make *you* feel better, and I bet all will be back to the fireworks you used to have. 

Start browsing some lingerie as you watch what you are eating/exercising. Always good to have something to look forward too, some rewards for our efforts.

If you have Comcast OnDemand , they have free exercise programs you can do every single day/week , always something new, we do this alot. 

Or maybe it is not this at all !! Maybe he is stressed at work or something completely different is occupying his attention, anything else going on in his life?


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## marriedguy (Nov 7, 2009)

Well I'm in the situation where I have a wife who is overweight..and to tell you the truth..it bothers me like crazy...I Love her, and am still attracted to her...but not always....especially when we're just at home her weight is a big problem for me...when we go out she dresses all nice and she look gorgeous..and I think she's hot..especially in tight jeans..
Anyways...20 pounds isn't that much...so if that's the problem..just do some cardio a few times a week and watch your diet...even if weight is not the issue, it's still a good idea to keep yourself in shape...
I guess you just need to talk to him again...in a nice way, ask him if it's the weight...and dont feel insulted if he says yes...because most men find excess body fat unattractive..it's the harsh reality.


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## RunnerGirl (Feb 20, 2010)

Ask him, using the I words as suggested...

and if you think it might be an issue, lose the weight! 20 lb is a lot of weight. I know for me, 20 lb puts me up from a size 4 to a size 12/14. That gives a very different body type that maybe your husband isn't attracted to. It's not easy, but it's very doable and eating right (no processed foods) and exercising most days has benefits far beyond looks.. you'll be healthier and happier to boot. Good luck!


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## del88 (Mar 24, 2010)

It's a shame your being treated that way just because of your weight, especially after 10 years. How about you both take this opportunity to get healthy and in shape together. It's a great way to do something together and maybe it will get you to the place you want to be as far as your relationship.


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