# i need help!



## zonika17 (Jul 18, 2013)

a 23 year old girl who was so excited to get married came across a guy through family. things somehow changed and we both had to get married. now the guy already had 2 girls in his life. and he wanted a thin girl, i am 85 kgs plus. how could he ever get attracted to me.? and then if he wasn't why did he say yes. then he told me that he was told that the girl is crying standing at the mall. so he agreed. that time my crying hurt him. but now after & months of marriage he cares a damn about my tears. actually he has never cared. in the beginning of my marriage he used to sex-text a **** who already married and has a kid. that ***** i swear she should die asap. and yeah i am wrong not saying anything about my husband cause eventually i am a typically indian women. then times passed after four months of marriage i came to know he still talks to the love of his life. whom he has never seen or talked to even heard of. a girl who just came across a stupid porn forum. 3 yrs and now they were still talking. my husbands claimed to be in love with her blindly but he never told her that he got married. i don't blame her cause she was also being fooled. the typical male mentality i want everything kinda thinking.a big fight happened after i came to know about all this. things got solved by hearing that i will never talk to her again, and i messaged from his email id saying that i am married. the mails stopped. but along with the mails sex in our life also stopped. then i got an urinary infection for a week and from that day he started saying u are ill thats y i am not doing anything. the illness went away in 7 days, thats a normal course for that kind a infection. we used to live alone but because of our fights his parents called us back. now we live with the family. still no sex no talks no sharing. we decided to go to a sexologist. he said that my husband is into depression. so he prescribed some meds. but because he believes in homeopathy he was reluctant to start the course. so i told him to consult our family doctor who is into homeopathy.he denies that, he says no to marriage counseling. lately I've been having bad he alt so all i have to hear from him is that your parents gave us a defected piece. when i cry over it he says he was just joking. i have never mocked his illness. nor have i ever disclosed it to some one, now we have been having issues again as he completely denies to spend time with me. he is an early riser and i am a late riser.6 am he leaves the bedroom and in the night he cubs by 11 or 12 after watching tv. in betwwn when he comes in the room its either for sleeping, reading newspaper or using the internet. thats it! no conversation at all. it becoming very difficult for me to handle all this. given a chance i would have ran off this marriage but my parents are not at all well off. if i go back to them they will firstly have to face a lot of shame and then there will be issues feeding me up. as my father just got bankrupt. he could barely get us married.thinking about them i consider staying back but then i get no reason of not running away. his parents don't say much cause he doesn't listen to anyone. please tell me what to do. and if any man is reading this. please tell me how to be normal with such a stubborn man. and please people running out of this marriage won't be a solution as i can't do it right now. i need your help in as in how to survive this relationship.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

I'm a woman so my thoughts may not be what you want to hear.

You married a man who was being forced into marriage with you, OUCH!

He is currently depressed. He has never shown you the kind of love or affection you crave and now it's even worse. He has a fantasy that involves this other woman who he has only met via some web site. He isn't attracted to you because of your weight. You must live with his parents because you fight..(this must be some cultural thing because I am not seeing how his parents dictate where you live...)

So your marriage began with a piece of paper (you don't have a connected relationship from which to build or rebuild) that has subsequently crashed and burned yet you cannot leave him. You want to have a close relationship and feel loved but without his cooperation this simply isn't possible. So what do you do?

Find the things that bring you happiness and joy outside of your marriage. Not talking about affairs here but activities that you enjoy. Gardening, animals, child welfare, art, history, coin collecting, sewing, cooking, sports, electronics...what do you enjoy doing? Once you spend your energy doing positive things that you enjoy, you will find that you feel better about yourself.

Not sure how your parents or his parents thought this would work, so if you truly are stuck, then just focus your energy on becoming a happy you and to hell with him.


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