# How do I make myself attractive to men?



## Illbehisfoolagain (May 7, 2012)

After another rejection by a man I really liked, I have come to the conclusion that it is, and always has been me. Everyone else in this world can attract a partner, but me. I know I am ugly, but I have seen women more homely then me who always seem to have a loving boyfriend. Then of course there are my friends who are all very beautiful women who have never had to spend a second alone because they always have a line of men who are dying to be their boyfriends. 

What are some things that could make a woman completely undesirable to men like I am? I take good care of myself, I am educated, I have a nice, athletic body. I wear just a little makeup, I have a decent car, have my own home, I smell nice. I am friendly and open, strangers are always starting conversations with me when waiting in lines or what have you. I have a truly wonderful life, but the only thing missing in my life is love and companionship. I am so, so lonely, I literally feel like its killing me. Soon I will be past my child bearing years, and then I feel like I will really be worthless to men. All I want, just once, is to know what its like to be appreciated and loved by a man. Even if its just for a week. How on earth do I make that happen? Ladies, help me out here please!


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Self confidence.

You say you are ugly. By who's standards? It's very unattractive to say you are ugly, then others will think so too.

Do you bathe and do your hair daily? Cute hair style? Good grooming habits? In style clothing?


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Do you love yourself?


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Illbehisfoolagain said:


> After another rejection by a man I really liked, I have come to the conclusion that it is, and always has been me. Everyone else in this world can attract a partner, but me. I know I am ugly, but I have seen women more homely then me who always seem to have a loving boyfriend. Then of course there are my friends who are all very beautiful women who have never had to spend a second alone because they always have a line of men who are dying to be their boyfriends.
> 
> What are some things that could make a woman completely undesirable to men like I am? I take good care of myself, I am educated, I have a nice, athletic body. I wear just a little makeup, I have a decent car, have my own home, I smell nice. I am friendly and open, strangers are always starting conversations with me when waiting in lines or what have you. I have a truly wonderful life, but the only thing missing in my life is love and companionship. I am so, so lonely, I literally feel like its killing me. Soon I will be past my child bearing years, and then I feel like I will really be worthless to men. All I want, just once, is to know what its like to be appreciated and loved by a man. Even if its just for a week. How on earth do I make that happen? Ladies, help me out here please!


Being able to (or not to) bear children has almost no bearing on how a man will view you.

How loudly is your clock ticking?


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## Illbehisfoolagain (May 7, 2012)

I of course don't go around discussing my ugliness, especially not to men. I mean, everyone can see me, so its not like its a secret, or something that needs to be discussed. Thats why men only want to be with me in secret, never as anything in public or real like a boyfriend. 

By who's standards am I ugly? Everyones. 

Yes, I have good personal hygiene, hair is cute, clothes look nice on me. I have played hard though (I am kind of a rough and tumble country girl sometimes too), and not only do I have ugly features, I have had a couple injuries to my face and body that have left me fairly scarred. I broke my (already big) nose as child, falling off of a swing set. And then as a young teen was in a wreck that resulted in multiple teeth exiting my head out of my lips and cheek, and broke my leg that resulted in needing 2 surgeries. The drs quit counting stitches they put in my face at something like 100. 

Mavash Mostly. I know I am an amazing, strong, powerful woman both inside and out. 

Conrad my clock isn't necessarily ticking to have babies. I don't even really like kids that much, they wouldn't fit into my life style, and I don't think I could ever ruin my body like that. My clock is ticking (LOUDLY) for companionship, to be valued. This might sound super corny, but I just want to know what its like to make love, to have a man being there with me and truly me, not just masturbating inside of me.

The one relationship I have had, was nearly a decade ago, and was very short lived. How can I be in my mid 30s, and tell a man anything about me and still have him want to be with me? Telling my real past, my real story, being how I look, there isn't a man in this world who won't run screaming.


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## anonim (Apr 24, 2012)

didn't read first post; Show Up, Bring Beer.

Edit; you seem insecure, a touch needy even. You dont 'need' a man/bf or whatever.

Those thoughts and feelings will come out through your behaviors and will scare off your prospectors faster than screaming "HE'S GOT A GUN!!!" in a crowded mall.

your looks are not the issue.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Well, I doubt you are as ugly as you say you are...if ugly at all.

And even if you don't say it, it can be noticeable when a person doesn't like themselves very much.


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## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

Illbehisfoolagain said:


> I take good care of myself


This



> I am educated


Not very important but it's nice



> I have a nice, athletic body.


This



> I wear just a little makeup


I love this. I can't stress how important this is. No guy likes 10 inches of make up on a woman.



> have a decent car, have my own home


Same as the education thing



> I am friendly and open


This is great again. Approaching a woman is a hard thing for most men to do. When the woman turns out to be friendly&open, her attractiveness goes through the roof.

Regarding aesthetics, a new haircut can transform the way a woman looks if you're self concious. And yes as you can tell most of the positive traits I pointed out are physical because frankly, men are visual creatures. You may notice a pattern that it's mostly women who look for things like confidence, intelligence etc when seeking out men, men are not wired the same way. You can be the most confident person in the world but it doesn't mean you'll turn heads. Men can very easily overlook a lack of self confidence or intelligence if they have a knock-out with them, women are not the same way.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Confidence, self-respect, an open attitude, being educated, and the ability to listen and be listened to are of paramount importance. Beauty is only skin deep, but if you are having some problems in accepting yourself, plan on having a makeover. Those people will give you expert advise and will also instill a lot of confidence in you about yourself. Sometimes only a minimum of physical or psychological tweaking is necessary.

Do not belittle or be judgmental. Kid or tease only when you've reached the appropriate rapport with your date. Trust in yourself and just be yourself; and don't say or do something solely because you think it will enhance yourself to the other person. Be natural and most importantly, be the person that God has meant for you to be! I absolutely wish you the very best, my dear!


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

I had a conversation with a friend a few months back. She said pretty much the same things you have. She thinks she's ugly. She doesn't believe any man is serious when he DOES show attention. She thinks that if a man asks her out, he's only looking for one thing: sex. It couldn't possibly be that he wants a real relationship with her... because, as she states, she is ugly. Her biological clock is ticking very loud...and she is not even 30 yet. She has a few years to go. But, she has determined that 30 is her cut off. 

IBHFA, the best way to attract a man? Confidence. It doesn't matter if you are a statuesque model or a homely woman. If you walk with your head held high, they will notice...in a GOOD way. If you walk along like you are ashamed to even be alive, they will notice also, but not the way you want. Don't focus on trying to get a man...focus on YOU, boosting your confidence. You need to love yourself before you can expect anyone else to love you.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Maricha75 said:


> I had a conversation with a friend a few months back. She said pretty much the same things you have. She thinks she's ugly. She doesn't believe any man is serious when he DOES show attention. She thinks that if a man asks her out, he's only looking for one thing: sex. It couldn't possibly be that he wants a real relationship with her... because, as she states, she is ugly. Her biological clock is ticking very loud...and she is not even 30 yet. She has a few years to go. But, she has determined that 30 is her cut off.
> 
> IBHFA, the best way to attract a man? Confidence. It doesn't matter if you are a statuesque model or a homely woman. If you walk with your head held high, they will notice...in a GOOD way. If you walk along like you are ashamed to even be alive, they will notice also, but not the way you want. Don't focus on trying to get a man...focus on YOU, boosting your confidence. You need to love yourself before you can expect anyone else to love you.


And conversely, this very same advice goes for the guys trying to attract the gals as well!


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Illbehisfoolagain said:


> I of course don't go around discussing my ugliness, especially not to men. I mean, everyone can see me, so its not like its a secret, or something that needs to be discussed. Thats why men only want to be with me in secret, never as anything in public or real like a boyfriend.
> 
> By who's standards am I ugly? Everyones.
> 
> ...


I believe I recall your post before. Worked for hire, so to speak?

Have you had individual counseling?


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## IndiaInk (Jun 13, 2012)

Why don't you start by changing your user-name...unless you want to define yourself by that.


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Illbehisfoolagain said:


> Mavash Mostly. I know I am an amazing, strong, powerful woman both inside and out.
> 
> Telling my real past, my real story, being how I look, there isn't a man in this world who won't run screaming.


These two things contradict one another. If your an amazing, strong, and powerful woman both inside and out.. you wouldn't believe this... "*Telling my real past, my real story, being how I look, there isn't a man in this world who won't run screaming.*"

There isn't a woman in the world who doesn't have some sort of baggage so don't worry about that part. As far as your looks... well if you have seen other women less attractive then yourself... stop being so hard on your own looks. Own the fact that you are good looking and there is a man that will appreciate you for who you are. Hell I don't consider myself to be very attractive either and even though some people on here complimented the ONE pic i put up.. I still have doubts.. but at least .. despite the insecurities.. I do have a man who loves me. He may not be perfect .. but he's perfect for me and you too will find that so don't worry.


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

Gaia said:


> I don't consider myself to be very attractive either and even though some people on here complimented the ONE pic i put up.. I still have doubts.


LIES!
you are attractive. 

looks only go so far.
confidence and personality are what draw me to a woman.

i think women are much too hard on themselves about their looks.
more so than a lot of men are towards women.

if i am attracted to the woman herself, then she is beautiful to me.


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

2nd_t!me iz_best said:


> i think women are much too hard on themselves about their looks.
> more so than a lot of men are towards women.


^^^ :iagree: We clearly are... hell someone could be super model hot and still think they aren't attractive. Either way like 2nd and many others stated... I believe men focus more on personality then appearance... at least... some men?


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

2nd_t!me iz_best said:


> LIES!
> you are attractive.
> 
> looks only go so far.
> ...


Both of my marriages were to what I'd call less than stellar women in the ways of physical beauty. But both possessed an element of intelligence, caring, and spirituality on a plane equal with mine. They both had the inate capability to make themselves physically attractive, and I was most appreciative of that. But what really won my heart over was their seemingly caring quality, their being so very easy to talk with, and the size of their heart.

Just don't let the negative attributes intercede. If you have any, work on them because their presence alone can make the most physically beautiful/handsome person an ugly duckling by comparison. My exes now have very damning attributes of deceit, that make them both as unattractive and untrustworthy as Salem's most despicable witches.

Reach out with your heart, reach out with the soul, cry a little, and laugh often. Love God first, then love yourself, and love others with your whole heart. Despite your perceived physical attributes(or lack thereof) and at the end of the day, it will truly be your heart that will come to win them over.

Attractiveness is a package deal. Use the totality of that package to your advantage, as God has so richly intended for you to do!


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

Gaia said:


> I believe men focus more on personality then appearance... at least... some men?


Very few. You've got to have looks to get noticed. After that, other criteria may come into play. Or not. Depends on the guy. That's why you see intellectual dweebs like Arthur Miller with girls like Marilyn Monroe. He really had no criteria beyond looks. 

Confidence, education, achievements, etc. don't really count as primary attractors. High income can be a strong attractor...for the the wrong kind of guy. Those are often things women are looking for, but not most guys.

OP may or may not be overstating her facial issues, but there are guys out there who would be interested in her. I have a cousin who had quite a few physical attraction challenges she had to overcome (plus an ultra-violent bastard son), but she has been married for 15 years. The thing is, though, her husband also has some pretty big facial attraction features of his own. If my cousin had not been willing to accept a guy on her own level, attraction wise, she would still be single. No question.


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

Illbehisfoolagain said:


> After another rejection by a man I really liked, I have come to the conclusion that it is, and always has been me. Everyone else in this world can attract a partner, but me. I know I am ugly, but I have seen women more homely then me who always seem to have a loving boyfriend. Then of course there are my friends who are all very beautiful women who have never had to spend a second alone because they always have a line of men who are dying to be their boyfriends.
> 
> What are some things that could make a woman completely undesirable to men like I am? I take good care of myself, I am educated, I have a  nice, athletic body. I wear just a little makeup, I have a decent car, have my own home, I smell nice. I am friendly and open, strangers are always starting conversations with me when waiting in lines or what have you. I have a truly wonderful life, but the only thing missing in my life is love and companionship. I am so, so lonely, I literally feel like its killing me. Soon I will be past my child bearing years, and then I feel like I will really be worthless to men. All I want, just once, is to know what its like to be appreciated and loved by a man. Even if its just for a week. How on earth do I make that happen? Ladies, help me out here please!


Why are you asking the ladies???

It's odd to hear someone be so positive about so many things - and then so incredibly negative about just one. Had I skipped the first paragraph I might have wondered if you were conceited!!!

Beauty is more than just one body part - I know I look at more than just a woman's face when determining beauty.

As you sound very - concerned - is it possible you may be coming off as needy or desperate?


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## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

confidence is sexy, but to much is not. for me an outgoing woman will get my attention even if she is so so. Also if you treat me with a sweet attitude you will instantly hook me. I like to be nurtured thats the boy thats still in me. some men need to be the savior as well. thats me. A damsel in distress will also get my attention. I,m just weird like that. So evven if you dont need help and can handle yourself be a little helpless to the guys sometimes. this info probably only applies to the nice guy types though.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

Smile! 

A Smile can easily turn an 8 into a 9!!!

Plus it lets us know you may be interested.


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## Illbehisfoolagain (May 7, 2012)

Thank you all for taking the time to respond. 

I do appreciate your palliative care. I know that no one has the answers for me, and that these kind of cliche sayings, are just what people tell people like me to keep us busy and try to distract us from our loneliness. See, I like myself, I really do. Like I said I know I am a strong, capable woman who takes care of herself and gets stuff done. The ONLY thing I hate about myself is that no man has ever valued me. I have gone though times in life feeling at the top of the world, like nothing could bring me down. I didn't give a **** if I had a man or not. Things are always the same for me, no matter what. Its just so hard to keep telling myself that I am ok, when the feedback I get, tells me the opposite. 

Its the same for beautiful women too. I know beautiful women who's lives are constantly total messes full of drama and bad times, and yet, they have a whole string of men hoping they will be picked, just waiting their turn for some abuse. I read on here that beautiful women always have a line of men wanting to be with them, and thats a fact. 

Yes, maybe I am needy, I do feel needy. I have a need for affection, for warmth, and for support (emotional). Its a cold and lonely world out here. I can't help it. I don know how to not want to have companionship. I can't just turn that off. Its not even about sex, my loneliness has completely killed my sex drive (no point in having a sex drive after years without sex). I have been told "YOu need to let him know how you feel!" I have been told "You need to play hard to get" and "Just be yourself and do what feels natural." No matter what, its all the same outcome. I am doomed to wander this earth alone.


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## thunderstruck (May 9, 2012)

Illbehisfoolagain said:


> I take good care of myself, I am educated, I have a nice, athletic body. I wear just a little makeup, I have a decent car, have my own home, I smell nice. I am friendly and open, strangers are always starting conversations with me when waiting in lines or what have you.


I'm married, but if I was back out there...you sound pretty damn good to me. My W is gorgeous. We met in our early 20's, and looks were important to me. Now, at 45, again if I was back out there...I would go more for a woman who treated me right vs. just chasing the best looking ones.

The next time a stranger starts a conversation, take the lead and ask him out for coffee. Guys love that shyte.


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

Illbehisfoolagain said:


> I have been told "YOu need to let him know how you feel!" I have been told "You need to play hard to get" and "Just be yourself and do what feels natural." No matter what, its all the same outcome. I am doomed to wander this earth alone.


Yeah, that's all bad advice. Guys get told the exact same stuff and it never works.


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## wiigirl (Jun 14, 2012)

that_girl said:


> Self confidence.
> 
> You say you are ugly. By who's standards? It's very unattractive to say you are ugly, then others will think so too.
> 
> Do you bathe and do your hair daily? Cute hair style? Good grooming habits? In style clothing?



I read statistically women who wear high-heels have better dating/sex lives.

Worked for me...just thinking about attracting men or being sexual and having self confidence while shopping and dressing really helped me.


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## Lordhavok (Mar 14, 2012)

alot of women are eat up with barbie doll syndrome. I would much rather have a run of the mill looking chick that treats me well than some supermodel thats a *****.


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## CLucas976 (Jun 27, 2010)

Illbehisfoolagain said:


> Thank you all for taking the time to respond.
> 
> . See, I like myself, I really do. Like I said I know I am a strong, capable woman who takes care of herself and gets stuff done. The ONLY thing I hate about myself is that no man has ever valued me.
> 
> ...



Here's where I see the difference. You like yourself. You need to love yourself.

I am quirky, rude, crude, cynical, not bubbly, pessimistic, and eccentric. I am overly assertive and forward when it comes to topics I feel passionate about, and I have the sense of humor of a dirty old man. I'm messy, not always well kept, I like to get dirty I could list a million turn offs I have going for me mainly because I excel at turning people off. They either don't get it, are offended by it, or I am too weird for them to deal with.

The list of things that make guys walk away, is the same list of things I LOVE about myself. I simply am,and I love it. I know plenty of people with lines of guys waiting for them, plenty of girls who have men whenever they want, I am not that girl I never will be, and I could not be happier with that thought.

If i were to end up alone for the rest of my life, I would be perfectly ok with it. The only person who needs to value me, is me. 

It seems like you lack that feeling. get it back. Self confidence is so important and does take effort. I just told my brother the other day that it was amazing to me that I actually have confidence, I can't remember ever being able to say that.

sincerely worry about being the interesting amazing person you really are. Don't bother with worrying about being attractive or interesting to anyone else, if you have to try that hard, its not worth it anyways because the "person" they value at that point isn't you, its the person you painted yourself to be.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

I'd suggest getting involved with an activity group like the AMC or go to ballroom dance classes where you'll be partnered with a variety of men in a low-stress low-commitment atomosphere or start vacationing by joining activity groups like rock climbing trips or bike trips, treks, etc. I think men will find you more approachable in these settings, and these settings will also let you strut your stuff, and you do have stuff. I think if you bypass the usual curb-appeal filtering that potential dates can do by getting right into the doing-things-together stage things will go a lot better for you. Of course, this requires strategy, but you can manage that. You're actually doing the men you're interested in or the type of men you would be interested in, a favor...you remove some of the risk but not all of it, and help them over the hurdle created by your scars which are of course a part of you. The truth is, no matter who we marry or fall in love with, a simple accident can transform their physical being. The guy you eventually marry will not be concerned with outer beauty, he will only know how he feels when he is around you, which is good, and that's a lot more noticeable than looks, trust me on that one. I fell in love with a guy who really didn't have much curb appeal. He snuck up on me in one of those group activity settings, over time, and then one day I realized holy cr*p I fell in love with my buddy. lol.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

thin thick tall short blond brunette redhead bald doesn't matter. I love them all. Wash your hair and get it done, put on your face, wear something you think is hot. Tell yourself you're gorgeous because you are. Then crank up that smile to 11.


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## bubbly girl (Oct 11, 2011)

that_girl said:


> Self confidence.
> 
> You say you are ugly. By who's standards? It's very unattractive to say you are ugly, then others will think so too.
> 
> Do you bathe and do your hair daily? Cute hair style? Good grooming habits? In style clothing?


:iagree: Confidence is very attractive.


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

I think most women have some doubts and insecurities about their appearances. We are our own worst critics because other people are not nearly as harsh on us as we are to ourselves. 

When I had very low self esteem and thought nobody would want me because of some health problems I have, all I met were awful men who treated me like garbage. They could see that I did not even like myself, so of course they had no respect for me. I met my husband when I began to feel better about myself. I felt strong enough to set limits and stand up for myself when I met him. 

Work on your self esteem first and then you will meet a good man.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Build up your social circles. Engage in activities that you enjoy. 

It's true that physically attractive women get hit on often, so it's easier for them. Engage in activities in which men have a chance to get to know you before needing to ask for your number.

when I was single, I did exactly the same thing.


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## JenniferMarried36 (Jun 28, 2012)

I agree totally. We are all our worst critics. My husband criticizes my looks, (mostly my weight as I am carrying 15+ lbs) but I told him I feel worse about myself without you telling me about my faults.

The best advice I can give you is first off, nobody is ugly. The only thing I thinks make a person ugly is a rotten, self centered, me first personality

Men like looks sure but they are just like us in a way they like confidence. If you come off as a person who has no self confidence then they won't call you back for a date. A man wants to feel like he a chosen partner, not one that you settled for.

In regards to your appearance, first off go to a salon and get a facial or advice on makeup application. Men don't want a barbie but don't want a plain jane either, somewhere in between.

You said you have an athletic body. Buy some yoga pants and cute tops, that will attract attention.

If you have a nice butt, show it off in classy form fittiing pants.

Buy some new bras, not sports bras and not granny bras. Go to Victoria's Secret and get some sexy bras, red, green, hot pink, lace, leopard print etc. Make sure they fit. Also buy a bunch of sexy panties, thongs, boyshorts. Men go crazy for that. Don't be afraid to show a little cleavage.

Also, go to a boutique and buy some classy & sexy summer dresses and some heels.

Image isn't everything but it is important for all of us.

Try this and let us know.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Be in love with your own life. That's sexy as all get up.


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## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

Illbehisfoolagain said:


> I read on here that beautiful women always have a line of men wanting to be with them, and thats a fact.


Beauty is not everything.
People say I'm good looking yet I've never had a line of guys waiting for me. 

Also, JenniferMarried36 gave you some really good advice!!!


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## 52flower (Mar 4, 2011)

Runs like Dog said:


> Be in love with your own life. That's sexy as all get up.


:iagree:
It is true that looks attract initial attention, for both men and women. But that attention can dissipate quickly with an unattractive personality. And the opposite is also true. People can become very appealing when their attractive personality comes out. I agree that an attractive personality includes warmth, confidence, and enjoyment of who you are and what you do. A genuine smile, warm laugh, and actions that show a person is content with who they are always attracts my attention. You are probably a very nice person and just need to show your relaxed personality and nice smile. Don't worry about whether the guys are coming after you.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

****It is true that looks attract initial attention, for both men and women. But that attention can dissipate quickly with an unattractive personality.****

I think about a late cousin of mine who died at the age of 39. She was beautiful, elegant and cultured. The last time I visited my relatives' house I was reminded of how physically attractive my cousin was.

But still, she ended up marrying a loser. And he was the only "taker" at the time. I don't understand because in addition to her beauty, she had an active social life, traveled, had lots of friends. The only thing I can think of that held her back was a *****y attitude which the family was aware of. Maybe more than the family was aware of it.


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## teewhy (Jun 9, 2012)

Confidence is sexy.... period.


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## strugglinghusband (Nov 9, 2011)

bubbly girl said:


> :iagree: Confidence is very attractive.


Actually, its down right sexy!!!!


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## Illbehisfoolagain (May 7, 2012)

Ok, well I have to admit, I am feeling a little dumb, or something, for starting this thread now. I mean, these are feelings that I revisit quite often, and who knows, I could be right back there in an hour from now, but then sometimes I do feel better about myself. While out and about yesterday, looking how I normally look, I received 2 very nice compliments from 2 random, very good looking men  Then today I talked to the man who I am very much into. I feel a lot better about that too now. 

Its funny that someone mentioned women who wear high heels get more attention. It reminded me that, for years I would wear high heels almost every day. I would also wear skirts and dresses often, but its literally been at least 2 years since I have worn a dress or skirt. So in more of an effort to feel nicer about myself, this morning, I painted my toes!


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## Beelzebub (Jun 26, 2012)

Men look for attractive bodies on women then personality, try working out and look athlety, diet and eat and sleep healthy. 
always wear classy where ever you go, if you have nice legs wear short skirts, if you dont have nice legs make them nice. 
if you have big belly thats a turn off for most men. never look you need a relationship, never ever do one night stands. 
dont call men let them call you. 
be nice and polite but not extra nice, boot your ego and slef esteem. show that you are independent and focused, show them you know what your objectives and this life. when they are ask you about yourself dont answer " not sure" "may be" " I guess" but a straight answer to show them you are focused and know what you want in this life. 
if you drive ugly old car then buy you know classy sedan or SUV. 

as far as personality
- find out why you think you are ugly
- read how to improve your personality. 
- always show confident. 
- dont always agree because you are trying to be nice, have your own opinion and stick to it unless its been proved wrong. 
- your education and knowldge of things will determin the personality of man you will be with. be knowladgable, be informed on current events like technology, news, etc... just if you been asked you know what they are talking about. 
- when you talk to a man, always look into his eyes and dont turn your face.
- dont play with your nose while on a date. 
- if you dont have a degree obtain a degree, you might also meet someone in school
- make your house or apartment homy but not girly or too homy more like a modern homy. men like a clean organised woman from house to a body. even mosty men dont clean everyday lol


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## La Rose Noire (Jun 20, 2012)

Are your standards too high?

Maybe you're aiming for men out of your league. I often see less attractive men doing this. They complain they can't get a girl but they're always after the hotties.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

Illbehisfoolagain said:


> in more of an effort to feel nicer about myself, this morning, I painted my toes!


if we were in the social forum, i would have something to say about that


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Unhappy2011 said:


> OP you should post pics and let people just tell you one way or the other.


^^^You forgot to direct her to the social spot for this pic postings!!!!


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

Getting hit on is not all it's cracked up to be. Today I must have been looking good, because I was attracting a lot of smiles and men trying to pick me up. I didn't like it because I only want my husband to hit on me. 

You know what? I have no makeup on and I am wearing a long maxi dress. I am not all dressed up and professionally coiffed. Maybe the attention comes from the fact that I am not looking for it. If you put out a desperate vibe, you will attract the wrong men. Act like you don't even care and the men will take notice.


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## jman (Jun 20, 2012)

Trenton said:


> My thinking is that relationships build slowly and are most likely to happen at places like work or a place you frequent like a gym or restaurant so being social is really helpful for your cause


my wife and I met at the gym :smthumbup:


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

La Rose Noire said:


> Are your standards too high?
> 
> Maybe you're aiming for men out of your league. I often see less attractive men doing this. They complain they can't get a girl but they're always after the hotties.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


So your advice is to lower your standards? That will do wonders for her self-esteem... not.

Let me tell you OP, do not settle no matter how desperate you feel. Believe me I am in the same place as you right now, but genders reversed... I just want the attention of a attractive woman. Not the most sought after pinup on the earth, just an average looking woman (and perhaps my "average looking" is a little better than La Rose Noire's idea). Every guy has certain preferences but putting the emphasis on the right feature can sway him no matter what...

I would say when you meet a guy you are interested in just go to a little extra effort to make it clear you are interested, most guys are just as insecure as you are (or atleast I am) and I'd wager that as soon as you make just the tiniest, but clear, intent of flirtiness you will break open a lot of barriers holding you both back. But you are probably so afraid of ruining your chances by offending somehow, believe me being a little too outgoing is NEVER offensive to a guy (especially of you are wearing the yoga pants someone else mentioned on here).

But it is really hard to do this I understand, going long durations without picking up on any interest from the opposite sex really does hurt down deep... for me I know I am a good looking guy, I wish I had my hair back, and I wish my physique was a little better because I know for a fact it would make it easier to see that interest in me, but it is no guarantee to actually find the right one for me. I also wonder how much of it is my own low self-esteem blinding me to potential dates, maybe they are looking and I just don't see (that's what people who don't really understand will tell you, but I genuinely don't believe it for a second, I would certainly know if a woman was flirting with me because I am chomping at the bit for that, so perhaps that's the problem, we are looking to intensely for it? I don't know, just don't think that you are ugly cause you are not, even if you are not blessed with good looks it goes so much further than that, when it comes to attraction, when it happens there really is no objectivity involved so how you really look drops off the radar and when you have some guys interest how you interact will do 10x more than what you look like when it comes to how you make him feel).


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## RClawson (Sep 19, 2011)

Hey OP,

I am so glad I saw your post. I want to share a few of my own observations. Quite recently I was told by a good friend about a mutual colleague who has passed from cancer. I remember her fondly. 

When I was first introduced to her I honestly found it difficult to make I contact. She was one of the most homely individuals I ever met. I felt kind of badly about it. In a very short period of time I was asked to serve on a committee with her. It did not take long for me to see her in an entirely new light. She was truly a beautiful person with an snarky sense of humor, she was one of the most gracious individuals I ever met and a friend to all. I will never forget the day her husband came in to meet her for lunch. We were speechless. Well at least the women were because he was quite attractive. It was such an important lesson for me.

Later at another company I worked closely with a woman that worked at another branch. There was an instant connection and I found her to be a very attractive person. One day at the "water cooler" I was asking two of my male colleagues what they thought about Karen. One was indifferent. The other proclaimed "She is a dog". I always chuckle when I think about it because he is now that "dogs" husband.

You sound like you should be confident because it seems that you have a great deal going for you (and I bet you do). Please get some help with the self image issues because like others have stated it is holding you back. 

Oh and get involved in groups that are involved in hobbies and charitable work that you are passionate about. Let people see you at your best. I have no doubt you will shine!


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## La Rose Noire (Jun 20, 2012)

Lon said:


> So your advice is to lower your standards? That will do wonders for her self-esteem... not.
> 
> Let me tell you OP, do not settle no matter how desperate you feel. Believe me I am in the same place as you right now, but genders reversed... I just want the attention of a attractive woman. Not the most sought after pinup on the earth, just an average looking woman (and perhaps my "average looking" is a little better than La Rose Noire's idea). Every guy has certain preferences but putting the emphasis on the right feature can sway him no matter what...
> 
> ...


If her standards are unrealistic, then yes they should be lowered. If she is getting rejected by men constantly despite being an otherwise good woman, one has to wonder if she's going after men who are much better looking than she is.

You can all say looks don't matter but they do. Especially to men. You yourself mention you want an attractive woman to like you. How many hot men have you seen with much less attractive women?

Women are more likely to overlook looks (to a degree) for other factors. Men rely on a woman's looks as a deciding factor on whether he will talk to her or not.


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## Illbehisfoolagain (May 7, 2012)

My narcissistic side would love some opinions on my looks from strangers. The paranoid side of me would never post them though lol. If anyone would like to give me an HONEST opinion on my looks, I would be willing to message a photo to someone, or a couple people. I will ask you what state you live in though (privately) just on the off chance that someone I know is on this forum.


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## JenniferMarried36 (Jun 28, 2012)

Also a nice new hairstyle does wonders. Us women have the luxury of dying our hair, adding highlights, getting perms etc.

My husband loves it when I get my hair done, expensive but worth it since it gets me compliments.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

Illbehisfoolagain said:


> My narcissistic side would love some opinions on my looks from strangers. The paranoid side of me would never post them though lol. If anyone would like to give me an HONEST opinion on my looks, I would be willing to message a photo to someone, or a couple people. I will ask you what state you live in though (privately) just on the off chance that someone I know is on this forum.


You would only be seeking validation from strangers, not really solving the issue. If you think you need a makeover in order to match the outside with who you want to be, then go visit a beauty school and offer yourself up as a subject, or hire a professional beautician. You don't need validation from anyone but yourself, and quite honestly what you are asking for is an objective opinion about the things you cannot change about yourself - seems pointless, just focus on the things you can change so you don't have to worry about this.

I guarantee you are hotter than you are describing yourself here, but if I told you so you wouldn't believe me anyway. Now maybe your scars are hideous, on the other hand, I personally find some scars can be sexy, though I admit disfiguring ones can trigger revolting thoughts. But depending how you carry yourself even the most revolting scars become less obvious.

Of course there is always cosmetic surgery, and if you really feel your looks are holding you back that is a realistic option - though not inexpensive, but its about priorities and its your one life to live so start overcoming whatever self-limiting beliefs you have about yourself.


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## lavendervanilla (May 26, 2012)

I feel like I was a lot like you.... The difference being is that I WAS/AM married albeit unhappily... We're getting divorced because of other reasons.

Anyhow I never really took very much care of myself I never bothered buying nice clothes or having my hair done. I was truly a tomboy had never worn a dress or skirt in my life apart from the few occassions where I was beaten into submission almost literally at times haha and heels?? Forget about it!! I'm already 6 foot 1 and I HATE that enough as it is without adding to my height. I never have nor do I ever plan on wearing make up... 

My confidence and self esteem were both in the gutter and I behaved in a way that people could tell I felt horrible about myself. When I realised I was heading for a divorce at 23 years old I freaked out. Our relationship was not great by any means but I was terrified to say anything because I just "knew" I would be alone for the rest of my life if I left this man.

I took it upon myself to work on me. The plan was to improve my marriage and to make me a happier more POSITIVE person.

I have always tried dresses and things on in the dressing room because I wanted to know what it would look like and I never really thought it looked horrible but I was concerned with what other people would say. For some reason I always thought people were thinking I was trying to be something I am not. The one day just a few months ago I tried on a fitted plain black dress.... I am a larger size mostly because of my height but I could stand to lose a few pounds. But OMG this dress hit me in all the right places and it was on sale... I felt awesome! and then the thought hit me what would other people think.... I freaked but bought the dress anyway took it to work and tried it on for my boss and colleague they were both amazed and genuinely... I went from feeling awesome to even better. I purchased heels to go with the dress that took me to 6 foot 4!! YIKEs but the heels made my legs look great the dress made my body look super awesome and it was an instant change in my attitude. Since then I have ONLY worn dresses they are so much easier to fit to my body, I have bought pretty underwear that makes me feel even better and it's not for anyone but ME! I even went and got my hair cut and coloured!! for someone who has NEVER done anything other than a trim it was an awful experience but the results are awesome! I even get my nails done... and it is for noone but MYSELF. I feel awesome about me pair that with trying to change my overly negative attitude to a positive attitude and it has changed my life. I still have issues but they are nowhere near as awful as they were. I am like you and by no means am I drop dead gorgeous I am the girl that guys will not take a second look at in a bar but will go for my super hot friend. Not to mention a lot of guys are intimidated by my height.

Anyhow I have noticed a change in myself and let me tell you it has not gone unnoticed!! I work a customer service job and see people all day. Not once in the 2 years prior did anyone ever ask me out. Since the few small things I have changed and my positivity I have had all sorts of people asking me to go to dinner... granted they aren't people I would consider dating for reasons such as WAY older than me or just not the type of people I would associate with but it feels nice to be noticed....

The kicker of it all there is one member who I always thought was drop dead gorgeous and an awesome guy all round. You have no idea!.. I would go beet red just when I saw him walk in! haha My colleagues call him "Mr. Thursday" because he comes in every Thursday and they all know I have a thing for him. My Thursdays are literally not the same when he doesn't come in!! He came in on Tuesday this week b/c of the Holiday and immediately noticed my wedding ring was gone (it has been for some time but because of scheduling I have been leaving before he comes in for a few weeks. :-( haha turns out he has been asking about me when I am not there) Anyhow I gave him a short run down and immediately he asked for my number!! WHAT??!! that is THE first time a guy has asked for my number and to come from him of all people was insane. I was SO caught off guard I said no haha!! It has put my confidence through the ROOF and it was literally all because of a few small changes I made. I actually ended up texting me and he has spilled that he has been interested in me for quite some time and the second he noticed I was no longer in a relationship he jumped on the chance lol He said that he always had a thing for me but really noticed the changes and said it had been very difficult for him not to say anything since.

I guess what I am saying is that a few small changes in appearance and attitude have made the world of difference for me. I used to smile a lot people always said something about it but just recently especially in the last two days but even before people are saying I am REALLY smiling. I can walk with my head up and shoulders back big boobs sticking out and all and feel good about myself and I have noticed even more people checking me out as I walk down the street. I know I am not "hot" but I know I AM a good, kind person who has a lot to offer anyone who is willing to get to know me and that is something I CAN be confident in.

And to be honest I would much rather the attention of people like "Mr. Thursday" every now and again than the constant onslaught of guys trying to get in my pants that the "hot" girls have to put up with.


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## Illbehisfoolagain (May 7, 2012)

Thank you all for the responses. I do appreciate them all. 

I guess what is really hard for me, is that I DO wear nice clothes (just because I don't wear dresses and skirts, doesn't mean I don't dress nicely or look good in my clothes) like I said, I have a nice body, and I wear clothes that look good on me. I get my hair done regularly, I put on some makeup every time I go to town. I do make a real effort to look nice. And I do get compliments sometimes, but I would like more then the passing comment. I want something real. I guess, want in one hand, **** in the other, we all know which one fills up first.


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

Illbehisfoolagain said:


> Ok, well I have to admit, I am feeling a little dumb, or something, for starting this thread now. I mean, these are feelings that I revisit quite often, and who knows, I could be right back there in an hour from now, but then sometimes I do feel better about myself. While out and about yesterday, looking how I normally look, I received 2 very nice compliments from 2 random, very good looking men  Then today I talked to the man who I am very much into. I feel a lot better about that too now.
> 
> Its funny that someone mentioned women who wear high heels get more attention. It reminded me that, for years I would wear high heels almost every day. I would also wear skirts and dresses often, but its literally been at least 2 years since I have worn a dress or skirt. So in more of an effort to feel nicer about myself, this morning, *I painted my toes*!


And that would be enough for me. Beauty has many definitions.


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## Illbehisfoolagain (May 7, 2012)

Oh and I wanted to say that Lon, yes, I know that I am seeking external validation from strangers. Mostly, thats what this whole thread is about (except, that I am also really wanting some validation from one man in particular, that I am not fully getting either). I think that, even though many people say they don't care, everyone wants validation.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

Illbehisfoolagain said:


> Oh and I wanted to say that Lon, yes, I know that I am seeking external validation from strangers. Mostly, thats what this whole thread is about (except, that I am also really wanting some validation from one man in particular, that I am not fully getting either). I think that, even though many people say they don't care, everyone wants validation.


I have desperately been wanting validation too. And you know what - I suspect i have been given much by commenters here, people I know and even strangers. But I am disconnected and not receiving it, not because it isn't coming at me, but because I'm closed off. Until we can actually validate ourselves for ourselves whatever happens on the outside is useless.


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## Illbehisfoolagain (May 7, 2012)

Thanks all, I really do appreciate it. I guess that unfortunately 8 years of being single has really taken its toll on me. I mean, its been most of my 20s and into my 30s. These are supposed to be the best years of my life, it would be great to have someone to share it all with. 

Thanks again all, take care and good luck to those who need it.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

My best years didn't start until I was about 31. You are not old!


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## Awake1974 (Jul 8, 2012)

I don't know what you look like, but I know you are beautiful. I know how you feel. My wife just left me and we are certain for divorce. I don't want to take her back just because she likes to do what she always does...cheat! I should've known better because the writing was on the wall about her, but I was in love. Mind you, WAS in love, not anymore. All I can focus on now is becoming a better man for myself and a better father for my children. I also question will I ever find another woman? I hope so. I don't want to settle for anyone, but there's a lot of women out there just like you who want someone to have a close relationship with, to be close to. Too bad you don't live in the Jackson, MS area. We could meet. At this time, I really wish I could meet a woman and just sit and have a conversation with her. I'd love to get a woman's point of view on how to be a good husband because I want to get married again and I know I will be a better husband that what I was.


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## dixieangel (Jun 28, 2012)

I've heard it all my life, but believe it now. You HAVE to love yourself. The love of my life told me that the most attractive thing about a woman is her self-confidence. When i gained that, it seemed as though men were drawn to me...like never before. You have to find what works for you and you can start by avoiding negative comments and focus on your positive ones. I hate to say this one, but playing a little on the hard to get side helps too...lol


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## Awake1974 (Jul 8, 2012)

Here's one of my favorite quotes: "You become what you think about most of the time."

Thinking is 99% and action is 1%

If you think it, you can achieve it. If you think you're ugly, your body will send out signals (like ESP) that will tell men that they aren't attracted to you. If you have a low self-esteem, your body will project that on people. 

I believe people are drawn to other people that have similar tastes or ideas. Start thinking positively. Walk around with a smile. Look people in the eye and say hello. You will definitely attract the man you are destined for.


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