# Sex/smells



## questionme2 (Dec 23, 2008)

My husband and I have a strained sex life, to say the least. He's not good in bed. I've tried coaching him etc. He just doesn't listen. My recent issue is that his breathe stinks. He is on a starvation diet (another problem he won't listen to me) and his breath is bad because of ketosis. He's been to dentist, and brushes his teeth. He just stinks. He will wake up in middle of night and initiate and his breath is bad enough to clear the room. It's just killing me. I asked him to use mouth wash once and he was SO mad at me. 

This is just a tough problem! I'm so revolted.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Laurae1967 (May 10, 2011)

It sounds like you have a number of issues (I read another one of your posts). You both have/had eating disorders, which tells me that you both have some emotional issues that are getting in the way of your life and relationships. I can relate.

I am wondering if you are exacerbating your husband's insecurities with some of the things you have said to him (according to your posts) - that you think he's gay, that you think he's too skinny, that he's not good in bed, etc. Adding bad breath to the list probably makes him feel like you are again attacking/criticising him. I can't say HOW you are delivering these messages, but clearly he is getting hurt and defensive when you deliver them.

Are you in IC? How did you overcome your eating disorder? Perhaps your quest for perfection also impacts your marriage? I don't say this lighly or to hurt you. In fact, you sound a lot like I was in my marriage before I got counseling. Whatever my husband did, he was not good enough, didn't do exactly what I wanted him to do and I was highly critical of him. Turns out I was highly critical of myself, which in turn made me judgemental and critical of him and others. I've been working on this issue in therapy and my marriage has never been better and I am also happier and more confident than I've ever been.

You will get lots of advice on how to tell your guy he needs to use mouthwash, but I really don't think that is the heart of the matter. The heart of the matter seems to be the emotional problems you and your husband are struggling with that have manifested themselves via eating disorders. In addition to MC, you both would benefit greatly from getting IC with someone trained in eating disorders (a psychologist, not just a counselor). I really think that will help you.


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## questionme2 (Dec 23, 2008)

Yes I am in ic. My eating disorder wasn't severe and it was when I was in high school. I haven't told my husband these disparaging things.. In any other setting than marriage counseling. And only in a gentle way. It's always pulled out of me by the therapist. I understand what you are trying to say to me... But I think I have to talk about my concerns... In marriage counseling. Otherwise we get nothing out of the sessions. And his breathe REALLY is a problem. 




UOTE=Laurae1967;415888]It sounds like you have a number of issues (I read another one of your posts). You both have/had eating disorders, which tells me that you both have some emotional issues that are getting in the way of your life and relationships. I can relate.

I am wondering if you are exacerbating your husband's insecurities with some of the things you have said to him (according to your posts) - that you think he's gay, that you think he's too skinny, that he's not good in bed, etc. Adding bad breath to the list probably makes him feel like you are again attacking/criticising him. I can't say HOW you are delivering these messages, but clearly he is getting hurt and defensive when you deliver them.

Are you in IC? How did you overcome your eating disorder? Perhaps your quest for perfection also impacts your marriage? I don't say this lighly or to hurt you. In fact, you sound a lot like I was in my marriage before I got counseling. Whatever my husband did, he was not good enough, didn't do exactly what I wanted him to do and I was highly critical of him. Turns out I was highly critical of myself, which in turn made me judgemental and critical of him and others. I've been working on this issue in therapy and my marriage has never been better and I am also happier and more confident than I've ever been.

You will get lots of advice on how to tell your guy he needs to use mouthwash, but I really don't think that is the heart of the matter. The heart of the matter seems to be the emotional problems you and your husband are struggling with that have manifested themselves via eating disorders. In addition to MC, you both would benefit greatly from getting IC with someone trained in eating disorders (a psychologist, not just a counselor). I really think that will help you.[/QUOTE]
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Cross (Aug 1, 2011)

questionme2 said:


> My husband and I have a strained sex life, to say the least. He's not good in bed. I've tried coaching him etc. He just doesn't listen. My recent issue is that his breathe stinks. He is on a starvation diet (another problem he won't listen to me) and his breath is bad because of ketosis. He's been to dentist, and brushes his teeth. He just stinks. He will wake up in middle of night and initiate and his breath is bad enough to clear the room. It's just killing me. I asked him to use mouth wash once and he was SO mad at me.
> 
> This is just a tough problem! I'm so revolted.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Let him be mad. He needs to take care of this. It is a basic hygiene issue.

Leave listerine everywhere including on his face while he's sleeping. Get some banaca spray and nail him in the mouth. Deny him sex. Sleep elswehere. Make sure he understands fully his breath is death and killing you.

I'd be revolted too. So would any other human, and I applaud you for trying to be nice about this. Don't. It's gross and he needs to understand, it's just us guys are sensitive dolts who often miss the forest for the tree's.


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