# Redemption: An Update to my Story



## MovingAhead (Dec 27, 2012)

I originally posted my story back in early January. I found this site after I was divorced. I was looking for advice on how to best help my 3 boys cope with the divorce.

Basically, my EX was cheating on me for several years. She had a handful of EA/PA. I don’t know the details and I don’t care. My oldest son actually saw my EX kissing a few men at parties, in our house when I was on travel for work etc… It came out that he had known his mother was doing bad things but she told him not to tell, so I found this site and then saw how similar my story was in the cheaters handbook.

After my EX had moved out of the house, I ran into a girl I had talked to and we met. My avatar is a picture of us taken for her Mother’s day dinner. She is absolutely gorgeous to say the least.

So this is my update:

My wife was having an affair with the neighbor’s brother on my left. She told me it was entirely my fault and told me that I was an awful husband and father. She pointed out all of my faults however large or small. I learned later that this was blame shifting, but I also owned my faults and I worked very hard to overcome them. I sat down I wrote out who I wanted to be and what I wanted to do in my life and I have been pursuing it ever since.

On the day of our divorce, my neighbor to my right testified for me. I confided in him about details of our marriage. I had no idea that a month before our actual divorce he was seeing my wife. So I had bought my EX out of the house because she couldn’t afford it. I was hoping to hold onto it until the kids reached a certain age, but my EX started seeing my neighbor to my right, my next-door neighbor on the other side. My 6000 square foot house might as well have said White Trash all over it. I couldn’t even make this up.

About 2 months ago I called Child protective services on my EX and her mother for manhandling my oldest son. They didn’t like his attitude. One month ago my EX called the cops on my two oldest for moving all her furniture in the house after she left them alone all weekend and spent the entire weekend with her biological son and the neighbor’s son. After that incident she then refused to let my kids see their therapist. Her excuse was that they boy’s behavior was not getting any better. In reality, the therapist told her what the kid’s issues were and the issues were with her. A couple weeks ago, my EX called the cops on my oldest again for refusing to sleep over the neighbor’s house. My house is NEXT DOOR.

This week my kids caught my EX taking pictures of my gf and her daughter at my sons baseball game. Her daughter actually confronted my EX. I am proud of her.
The very next day my boys overhear one of the parents on the team badmouthing me and saying I am a bad father. I let her have it. My boys defended me and called her out and the argument ended when my oldest told this self-righteous snot what he actually thought of my EX. It was not nice.

With all the drama, there is a tremendous amount of stress. It has been difficult to cope sometimes to be honest. I go to counseling to deal with the anger and hurt. I just moved out of my house at the end of May. I am currently living with my gf until mid June when I get a place. We are getting a place together. My kids have repeatedly told her they want her to move in so it’s great.

I go to counseling because even though I am over my EX’s betrayal, I still have issues. I am facing them. She understands. I am bipolar and having to move out of the only house my kids have ever really known was very tough. I went through a lot of anger, stress, and heartache. 

I argue with my gf. We talk. We communicate and we are very close. She knows what I am going through. She sees me for what I am and whom I am trying to be and she doesn’t give up on me. We both have issues and we see one another as we truly are, warts and all. I don’t give up on her and she doesn’t give up on me.

I trigger, but it is less and less. I look at my gf and sometimes I wonder why someone so beautiful is with me and then I remember. I don’t love her for her beauty. I lover her for who she is. She is genuine and caring. We give each other what the other needs. She is there for me and I am there for her.

I struggle. I falter. I fail. I fall. I do it time and again. I am working on rebuilding my life. I will never blindly trust anyone again but I have found love again. When I fall, my gf helps me pick myself up. 

When I had my DDay, I was utterly broken in all ways. I really wanted to save my marriage. It took me a while to realize that my marriage was gone long before but I did. This is my personal story. For those of you who can R, I really applaud you. It takes two to make a marriage but only one for a divorce.

I was broken, but I am being remade. I have a long way to go, but I am focusing on the positive. I met someone who is beautiful in all ways. I am so much stronger that I was before. I am still broken, however every day I feel that my life gets a little better. I make progress and I also fall backward. I am by no means perfect. I just try to be a good father and loving man to my gf. I plan on getting primary custody of our older boys. It will happen. She will acquiesce or we will go to court and I will win.

Everyone’s tale here is crushing. Everyone here has gone through immense pain. Through all the pain and hurt and sorrow, I stopped trying to be in control of my life and I just focused on being a better me. It has been a tough year but through it all I found something that all the drama and anguish could not crush. I found hope. I hope for a better future for my kids. I hope for a great relationship with my gf. I will marry her. I hope for everyone here to find the strength to make it through all of the hardships that lie ahead. When I had my DDay, about the only thing I did right was to not pray to God for what I wanted. I prayed for what he wanted me to have. Through all the pain, and all the sorrow, I have been thoroughly blessed to have wonderful relationships with the people I love most in the world. There is lots of pain but there are also a lot of blessings. Just open your eyes and see the blessings and let them be your focus. I have come to understand that it’s ok to be broken. I am broken but I accept who I am and so do all the people in my life who love me. May God bless you all!

First Corinthians 13:7
Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things


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## Rottdad42 (Nov 26, 2012)

Damn brother I don't even know what to say. Your scar is bigger than my scar? That is a whole lot to deal with and it sounds like your GF is a saint. On top of it your fight with Bipo is rough. My mother and brother both have it. I understand to the max on that front. I think at this point I can say your fight is def not over. But you already know that. Hold on to that piece of sunshine (GF). Good luck to you man, I mean that.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Glad you have some positive news to share. Well done! Your kids are as good as they are because of your good example! 

Your case proves that it takes two to make a marriage work, but only one to destroy it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

Not much you can do about ex's. Let them swim in their hate.

As for your kids, love them the best you can.

The two of you look very happy together.


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## Dad&Hubby (Aug 14, 2012)

It sounds like your ex suffered from the same syndrome mine did.

She cheats. She paints her BH as a bad husband, bad father etc. You'd think she would be the most relieved when the divorce happens, but no. SHE can't let go.

It's about the control. After the divorce my ex lost her ability to control me outside of manipulation of the children. And she didn't handle that well. She ended up marrying her AP. And as odd as it sounds, I like the guy. He's brought her back down to earth and helped my ex and I be better coparents. But it took about 7 years for her to let go enough where we have a decent coparent relationship. My ex didn't like that I could move on IMMEDIATELY and not be heart broken. LOL 

You're lucky that your kids see her for what and who she is frankly, it's a lot more dangerous if they didn't.


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

Hang in there.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Read your original posts. Thanks for the update!

Good looking couple. You look ?at ease? with each other. Cant find the exact word.

Glad you realize that a good woman can be a great part of your life.


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## Lovemytruck (Jul 3, 2012)

Great update! Many of those just finding out about betrayal can benefit. Take care!


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## MovingAhead (Dec 27, 2012)

I posted my update for a couple of reasons. 

I have gone through a tremendous amount of pain and loss personally. I went through the heart ache, the mourning, the grief. I lost 30 lbs in 10 days. I lost the ability to see my kids any time I wanted. I lost half the holidays and for what? I lost all that because my cheating EX wife decided that she wanted to have an affair because why? I don’t know and I don’t care. I’m tired of the half truths and blame shifting. I wouldn’t know the truth from her anymore so I just don’t listen. I think she liked the attention of the OM and she focused on the high it gave her instead of being who she should have been.

Every good thing out of my story came from tragedy and loss. I see so many people here who are so angry at cheaters because of the pain they have endured. I understand the pain. Let it go. Forgive your spouse so that you can heal. I forgave and I worked hard on myself.

I see people constantly saying that they give up on marriage and believe it is broken. Marriage isn’t broken. Society and the people in it are sure. The concept of having and holding till death do us part is an amazing promise. There is nothing wrong with that. There are plenty of people in this world who still hold to the ideals that there is something more important in this world than them.

I refuse to let someone else’s bad actions define me. I refuse to be daunted by circumstances I have been placed in that are beyond my control. I accept that I cannot change anyone. Change must come from within. I choose to have hope in people even though it is very hard. I triggered today, but I dealt with it. I choose to believe there is something better in this life than being who my EX would define me.

My EX caused me a lot of torment. My circumstances changed dramatically. I used to think that she threw my life away like a piece of trash stuck on the bottom of her shoe. I don’t believe that any more. I know she set me free. I am being allowed to finally be who I should have been.

I have a beautiful woman. She is not a saint, but like I tell her she is my own personal angel. We have helped each other through some very difficult times and our lives are finally beginning to even out. I have to remind myself that my girlfriend is not my EX. She is not cut from the same cloth. She knows why I need transparency. She is patient with me. I also give her things she needs. I understand her more than anyone else before me. It all comes from what I had to go through to get to this point.

Through all the pain and heartache, I always had faith and hope. God has blessed me time and again. I know it is tough. I know it can be very hard but I got so much help from my friends and this site. I put my hope in man but my faith is left to God.

As for being friends with OM. He cussed my boys. He was lucky I was on travel at the time. He would not have been treated nicely. I am careful as to what I do because of legal issues but I will not tolerate that. As for co-parenting… That will not happen. I have been the only parent in the equation for the last 1.5 years. Parenting implies you are responsible. I absolutely refuse to speak to my EX unless it is absolutely necessary. When I get settled in June, my two oldest will live with me. I will give her the opportunity to accept they will be with me for school etc… or I will take her to court and I will force the issue. Document! Document! Document! My youngest will join them soon but it is difficult. She treats him differently. He is our only biological child and she treats him better than the other two. They are all my sons. I am actually closest to my oldest because we spend so much time together but I love them all the same.

I do not tolerate people who behave badly. I never tolerated liars and adulterers. I cut off friends that were like that. My EX is both. I am tied to her through the children. That is the only way I will speak to her. I have no concern for her more than I have for any random person I do not know. I do not know who she is. I know who I thought she was but I was wrong. I am no saint. I was not especially nice but I try to be a decent human being, a good dad, and loving SO. One more month and my gf and I will be together for a year. She will get her ring. If she can stand me for that long, well I guess she must really be a keeper! She already is an angel.

The point is. Even in the darkest time, God loves you and has a plan for you. I wanted to share my story because I understand the pain so many people went through but there is always hope. My story isn’t done. It’s not a happy ending. I have just really started chapter two of my life and I believe that with my boys and family, we will write a wonderful story together. We cannot choose our circumstances but we can choose our actions. We can choose how we see the world. I choose to live life to the fullest and I choose to not be afraid. I’ve been hurt and beaten down and left. Through that I have found a better stronger me. It was in me all the time. I just decided it was time for that person to emerge. I stumble. I falter. I fail. I fall. I press on and I grow.


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## Lovemytruck (Jul 3, 2012)

MovingAhead said:


> ... One more month and my gf and I will be together for a year. She will get her ring. If she can stand me for that long, well I guess she must really be a keeper! She already is an angel. :smthumbup:
> 
> The point is. Even in the darkest time, God loves you and has a plan for you. I wanted to share my story because I understand the pain so many people went through but there is always hope. *My story isn’t done. It’s not a happy ending. I have just really started chapter two of my life and I believe that with my boys and family, we will write a wonderful story together. We cannot choose our circumstances but we can choose our actions. We can choose how we see the world. I choose to live life to the fullest and I choose to not be afraid. I’ve been hurt and beaten down and left. Through that I have found a better stronger me. It was in me all the time. I just decided it was time for that person to emerge. I stumble. I falter. I fail. I fall. I press on and I grow.[/*QUOTE]
> 
> ...


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## Healer (Jun 5, 2013)

This choked me up. I wish you nothing but happiness, my friend.


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## LostAndContent (Feb 22, 2013)

Glad to hear you're doing well. Hope you manage to get your children away from such a horrible influence.


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