# Pride/Humility



## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Is anyone else having an issue with pride ruining a marriage? This has been an ongoing discussion for me for several months now. Although this debate could go under the religious catagory, I thought I would get more input here in the general section.

The Bible has many areas where pride is discussed. Pride is seen as negative and humility is seen as positive. With that being said, it seems that pride never leaves a person until they have "hit rock bottom". Are there exceptions? Two of my friends feel this problem is the driving force behind my marriage falling apart. My therapist and I had an interesting discussion about this topic also. I have looked for books dealing with this topic as well. Unfortunately, no books have been located yet. I welcome imput here!


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

Yes you can have humility even at the top. Look at Tony Romo (Dallas Cowboys) wins the big game and after a flight home helps a little old couple repair their tire, never even said a thing about it. The old couple realized it was him later and reported it and Romo admitted he did it. This guy makes multi millions but is still a good guy, humbled like a normal joe.

It took Job losing everything to understand that even through the tests God was by his side. But even during that time he could have turned away from God but still stayed a servant to the Lord God.

Di Vince was another said to live his life humble remembering where he came from even when He was well sought.

Many people through out time have been at the top of their game and still been humble to humanity and Spirit. For many they forget where they came from or the fragility of the human body and spirit. Sometimes it takes a reminder.

draconis


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

For me it took hitting rock bottom for find some humility. Both in my marriage and without. I think by its very nature pride requires a hard fall.


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## GAsoccerman (Mar 24, 2008)

You can have Pride and Humility.

But you can't have selfishness and humility.

Pride is being proud of what you ahve done or accomplished, nothing wrong with that.

Humility, is being a decent person and helping others in need.

I doubt you will find any books on it, but maybe you can give us some more information, like examples of what is wrong we can help further.

But neither of these two Pride and Humility should cause a divorce


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

GAsoccerman said:


> You can have Pride and Humility.
> 
> But you can't have selfishness and humility.
> 
> ...


Although you are right about pride I think he is talking in the sense of the seven deadly sins type of pride.

draconis


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## GAsoccerman (Mar 24, 2008)

Oh you mean vanity.
(some use Vanity as opposed to pride)

Well that is a personal item they will ahve to work for.

When Pope Gregory listed these first 7 deadly sins, it was a different world, 

Much like todays "new" seven deadly sins created by the pope.


The pride I believe the church is speaking about is when one thinks they are better then GOD, or deserve more "praise" then GOD, Some of todays preachers can certainly be accountable for this. 

But I still find it a stretch for some marriages to be affected by this, I would really like to know more detail of the core of the issue. Strict interpetation of the bible has it's flaws, while any argument or "point" can be made from multiple quotes, it can also be rebuttled with Quotes from the same book.


There has to be more to this pride/humility issue, I surely do not think the spouse feels they are more popular then God or should be praised by others as opposed to God. that is where this Deadly sin derives from. As opposed to Movie star vanity.


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## GAsoccerman (Mar 24, 2008)

Oh and I forgot, 

The 7 "new" deadly sins for your reading pleasure...

ABC News: Wrath, Lust, and Littering? The New Seven Deadly Sins


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Thanks for the imput everyone. My situation gets so complicated (see some of my earlier post). I now feel the root of our problem with this marriage is pride. My husband and I met in college. In those days we were poor college students with a lot of ambition and many dreams for the future. We had each other and money didn't really matter. Over the years things began to change. We prospered and my husband lost sight of our humble beginnings. When we "hit it big" my husband believed he (& he alone) made this happen and that he was invincible. With that attitude, life deteriorated for me. The money lead to many temptations. For example, the women it attracted to him was unbelievable. Many times I tried to tell him these women only "love" you for your money. He just can't see what has happened. To make a long story short, we are on the verge of losing everything. Although I have never lost sight of my humble beginnings, I'm going to also lose everything because I love him (& have chosen to ride this storm out). Now that we are to the end, I can say it doesn't bother me so much to give up all of the material things. However, the thing I'm having trouble giving up is my marriage--and that decision isn't mine. That decision is also his. And due to his current thinking that's what he wants to toss.

"Before destruction the heart of man is haughty, and before honor is humility" Proverbs 18:12

Thanks everyone!


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## brad (Jul 31, 2008)

There is no irony in the fact we grow the most in hard times. It's because pride is out of the way and your most humble. At no point is pride helpful in your life. People confuse the use of the word a lot. They think it's okay to have pride in certain things. The problem is that it starts permeating all aspects of life. It's attached to our ego's. Instead of pride people should focus on LOVE.


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

827Aug ~ If you have read some of my post you might know that at one time I made quite a bit of money and that thanks to my medical condition I lost everything. House/rental property, three cars to one, my life savings everything. My wife to rode out the storm because she loved me more then what we lost.

draconis


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

brad said:


> The problem is that it starts permeating all aspects of life.


You are so right about this, Brad. I now see this problem as a "cancer". I just hope our case isn't terminal!


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Draconis,

I'll have to go back and read some of your earlier post. Not everyone who makes a lot of money is consumed by pride. There are many good people with money who do remain humble. I just can't see you as ever being one with this kind of pride. Am I correct?

Now on the other part of your message...."your wife rode out the storm" with you. You weren't pushing her away as your storm was raging, were you? That's the part that hurts. I believe when a person suffers from unchecked pride they lose sight of what is important to them in life.


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

While I liked having money when I made it, there was never a time I stepped on people or became absorbed by it. I never pushed away my wife. We were always a team and still are.

draconis


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## GAsoccerman (Mar 24, 2008)

OK, So you both met in College, and you were both poor. 

Then your hubby made some nice money and witht eh money came more oppurtunity and more people paid attention to him, including good looking woman.

Now you are about to lose the money. OUch.

Reading between the lines...

My wife and I also met in college, we were dirt poor...I paid my own way through college working two jobs. Once we both graduated, we planned our marriage and started our careers.

My wife actually makes more money then me, We make enough that we have to pay the AMT to the IRS. So we fall into that bracket.

BUT money was never a major issue to me, I guess growing up without a father amde a difference, because my goal was to be a good father, not a wealthy person. I always viewed money as a tool to accomplish what I want, and that is a good life with my wife and children. MOney is OK, but it does not rule my life.

This is not the case with your husband, he had a goal to become wealthy and achieved it,a nd now it is crashing on him for what ever reason, life goes in cycles and you have to be prepared for the bad times.

This is a real test of your marriage and faith. He is at a emotional lost right now, he feels like a failure, he is crushed. I am sure he deeply loves you, but his judgement is clouded right now and he needs you to be strong and pull him out of this mess.

This is the time for you to stand up strong and take control of this marriage. You be the back bone and you help him find himself.

it can go two ways, a stronger deeper marriage...or divorce.

Only you two can decide which way it goes.

As they say, behind every great man is a strong woman.

Best of luck


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

GAsoccerman said:


> This is a real test of your marriage and faith. He is at a emotional lost right now, he feels like a failure, he is crushed. I am sure he deeply loves you, but his judgement is clouded right now and he needs you to be strong and pull him out of this mess.
> 
> This is the time for you to stand up strong and take control of this marriage. You be the back bone and you help him find himself.
> 
> ...


This is where all of the problem comes in. I have been the back bone both at home and at our business for two years now. I am exhausted! He has pride and I have nothing but humility now. My humility comes from him! Not only are we losing EVERYTHING, but I have endured all of his distancing techniques until I feel I have the plaque or something. My self-esteem is at its lowest point. Due to his pride my feelings no longer matter! I know it is crazy, but I love him. I just keep asking God to remove the pride. Maybe that's what God is doing, but in His way. 


I ran across a wonderful sermon which was originally delivered in 1856. It is a great read for everyone (whether religious or not). I'll put the link on this post.

Pride and Humility


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## GAsoccerman (Mar 24, 2008)

May I ask what kind of business are you running? what is the market and type of product?

Does he not realize that the foundation of the business is failing, but wants to maintain the outer shell? the "paper tiger" as they say. 

Sounds like he is lying to himself, afraid to face the truth of reality, that the boat is taking on heavy water yet, yet he steers straight into the storm hoping to make it through, not realizing he may lose his crew.

Nice sermon, good stuff thanks for sharing.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

It has been quite awhile since I posted this thread. Although many things have continued to worsen, I must admit I have grown stronger and wiser. The one thing I have learned is that things can always get worse. Never assume you know where "rock bottom is". Back in September I just thought I knew where "rock bottom" was. That is an ever changing location!

I have no idea how our business has remained open this long. However, the husband has continued draining even more money out of it to entertain his female friends. As long as he has a credit card or a blank check, he has no humility. It is sheer torture having to take calls from unpaid creditors each day.

I filed for divorce a couple of months ago. The lawyers convinced me that would be the only way to save our business (so that the children and I would have an income). Even that hasn't put a halt on his pride and perception. I think I now have an answer to the original question though. The answer is yes. We will have to lose EVERYTHING before humility is restored. I just wished it could soon happen and end the agony.

A book was finally located on this topic. I'm now half of the way through it. It's really a good read. If anyone else is interested, the title of the book is "Pride & Humility" by Neilsons & D, LLC.


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## Sandy55 (Jun 3, 2009)

Am sorry you are having to suffer this. Yes, just when you think things could not get any worse...they do then to do so.

I was brought to my knees in July 2006, it wasn't an unfaithful spouse, but my eldest daughter being diagnosed with brain cancer. 

It is _truly_ amazing how the MOST important things come snapping in to extremely sharp focus. After that, everything else is just dust in the wind.....


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

brad said:


> There is no irony in the fact we grow the most in hard times. It's because pride is out of the way and your most humble. At no point is pride helpful in your life. People confuse the use of the word a lot. They think it's okay to have pride in certain things. The problem is that it starts permeating all aspects of life. It's attached to our ego's. Instead of pride people should focus on LOVE.


Pure genius. (I hope it don't swell your head)


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