# The need for oral sex



## Angel82 (Sep 7, 2015)

My husband as finally become a willing partner and as elimated porn and is limitinghis masturbation to a healthy point that hasnt effect our sexual relationship.if anything its improve his ed issues and he is even quicker to release.

I find that for him to get super aroused he needs oral sex before. I am an hd female so tgis doesnt bother me and enjoy to do this but i am feeling this is an expectation and a need for him. There are a few times that there will be quickie in the morning

My question is this

1.) Can you spoil a man too much that it becomes unenjoyable?
2.) I am curious if there are other women who also find that this seems to be a needfor a better sexual experience for there partner.

I guess i have been feeling like he woukd rather receive oral than enjoy sex with me. In the past oral sex was not so enjoyable but more foreplay but now he can enjoy it to full completion which is super confidence building to me and is making it more enjoyable for me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

Angel82 said:


> I find that for him to get super aroused he needs oral sex before.


He convinced you of that did he? He's slick. :grin2:


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## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

Angel82 said:


> now he can enjoy it to full completion which is super confidence building to me and is making it more enjoyable for me.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


So you enjoy it but you don't? Sounds like you are fighting against yourself, unless I have misunderstood you. Is it that he doesn't reciprocate?


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

My H had gotten to the point where he would rather get oral than have sex and after a bj to completion he was done, so I am very careful now with when and how I do it. I did enjoy it a lot at first but as time went by I got tired of giving without getting so yes, "spoiling" him became unenjoyable to the point where I was so turned off Bjs I couldn't do them for a long time.

That said, 
If you enjoy it and he enjoys it and you feel that it's a _mutual _thing then I don't see the problem. It's the mutual part that make a difference IMO. When he finishes with a bj, does he continue on to make sure you have an O? Does he also give oral? If things keep fairly equal it should be fine. As soon as there is too much of a gap between giving and getting it becomes an issue.


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## Angel82 (Sep 7, 2015)

ThePheonix said:


> He convinced you of that did he? He's slick. :grin2:



He hasnt said that....but i noticed hes most aroused and even more erect when its like this.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Angel82 (Sep 7, 2015)

Ynot said:


> So you enjoy it but you don't? Sounds like you are fighting against yourself, unless I have misunderstood you. Is it that he doesn't reciprocate?


I do enjoy but just sonetimes i just want to skip it or after hes performed on me i jist want to go right to intercourse. Its not like all the time he goes into completion but seems like an expectation or a need.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Angel82 (Sep 7, 2015)

SlowlyGoingCrazy said:


> My H had gotten to the point where he would rather get oral than have sex and after a bj to completion he was done, so I am very careful now with when and how I do it. I did enjoy it a lot at first but as time went by I got tired of giving without getting so yes, "spoiling" him became unenjoyable to the point where I was so turned off Bjs I couldn't do them for a long time.
> 
> That said,
> If you enjoy it and he enjoys it and you feel that it's a _mutual _thing then I don't see the problem. It's the mutual part that make a difference IMO. When he finishes with a bj, does he continue on to make sure you have an O? Does he also give oral? If things keep fairly equal it should be fine. As soon as there is too much of a gap between giving and getting it becomes an issue.



Yes. He returns if its to completion. But i feel this wedge that he needs it for an overal before sexual experience.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Happilymarried25 (Mar 19, 2014)

I don't think you can spoil a man too much that it becomes unenjoyable but he can become to use to it that he expects it and then if you don't always feel like doing it he gets upset. I see women post that they are in that situation now. I wouldn't give him oral sex all of the time, just once in a while, that way he doesn't expect it but when he does get it he will appreciate it more. 

In answer to your second question, my husband doesn't need to have oral sex to enjoy sex more, I offer to give it to him and sometimes he wants it and other times he doesn't.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

Angel82 said:


> I do enjoy but just sonetimes i just want to skip it or after hes performed on me i jist want to go right to intercourse. Its not like all the time he goes into completion but seems like an expectation or a need.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Too much of anything so it seems to become a requirement will eventually turn into a chore and create resentment. Sex is supposed to be a give and take, or someone ends up feeling taken advantage of. 

There's no reason you can't mix things up so that sex is the way YOU want it sometimes, not just the way HE wants it all the time.


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

Angel82 said:


> I do enjoy but just sonetimes i just want to skip it or after hes performed on me i jist want to go right to intercourse. Its not like all the time he goes into completion but seems like an expectation or a need.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It's harder to fix habits you don't enjoy than it is to create good ones at the start. You enjoy it now, if you wait until you start not enjoying it this can become a much harder situation.

So if this isn't something you want to be doing in the long term, set the pace to how you would like it now. 

Switch it up, use oral as a tease, don't do it when you don't want to.


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## Vega (Jan 8, 2013)

norajane said:


> Sex is supposed to be a give and take, or someone ends up feeling taken advantage of.


:iagree:

But here's the thing: Why is it up to OP to regulate the amount of bj's her husband receives in order not to "spoil" him? 

Doesn't HE have an _equal_ responsibility NOT to take advantage of her?


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

Vega said:


> :iagree:
> 
> But here's the thing: Why is it up to OP to regulate the amount of bj's her husband receives in order not to "spoil" him?
> 
> Doesn't HE have an _equal_ responsibility NOT to take advantage of her?


He absolutely does! And he, apparently, isn't fulfilling that responsibility. So as long as she does nothing, the status quo will continue.

To give him the benefit of the doubt, maybe he doesn't realize he's so limited in his repertoire, to their long-term detriment.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
I think its best if each person tries do to what their partner most enjoys. If these things are compatible (say he wants oral to completion, she wants him to finish during PIV), then switch it up. I don't think you can ever "spoil" your partner as long as they are doing their best to spoil you.

If sex becomes unbalanced, then that is a different thing. 

Also, people can go through phases of enjoying one thing or another. If you get into a really long rut, you can try to mix thigs up, but otherwise everyone just try to have fun.


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## Phil Anders (Jun 24, 2015)

norajane said:


> He absolutely does! And he, apparently, isn't fulfilling that responsibility. So as long as she does nothing, the status quo will continue


:scratchhead: It isn't clear H even knows this is a "problem", so why should he feel a responsibility to turn down a good BJ? Seems like OP is making inferences where communication would serve better. 

Also sounds as if oral is the most effective way to get him aroused. If she wants to go right from receiving oral to PIV, he's got to be ready, and given how long some of you ladies take to finish _*cough*_, a guy might need an assist before plowing in. 

If that's the scenario and you don't feel like BJ, then you have to find another way. Try sitting on his face for oral and reaching behind you for a HJ to keep him warmed up.
_Posted via Mobile Device_
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Woodchuck (Nov 1, 2012)

You can imagine my delight, when after 40 years of marriage, my wife decided giving me oral wasn't so bad after all...(I had begun giving her oral in our first year of marriage).

I remember when it started...I was home after a long business trip, and had to leave again the next day...I was in my recliner, and she offered to give me oral...When I orgasmed, she lost control of my ejaculation, and when she stood up she said...I can feel you trickling down my throat....

From that day on, it was much easier getting oral sex from my wife...To the point that she has walked into my room and asked if I would like a BJ...

So, YES I like oral....BUT when we have sex, I feel like I have missed out, if I do not give her oral, and have PIV also....In fact sometimes I think she offers oral just to get me off....

Just one mans opinion...


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## anonmd (Oct 23, 2014)

So, play along 

"My wife seems to almost require oral to orgasm, I do it on her almost all the time. When we do PIV she hardly ever orgasms although she seems to like it OK. I think I am spoiling her and should cut off the oral..."

Doesn't sound so sporting does it? 

Many men, at least when they are younger, don't require any particular stimulation, other than a willing naked partner, to get hard. Some men do. Most men do as they get older. So, maybe your hubby does and maybe he doesn't. Might be better to talk to him rather than run your cut him off experiment .


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## Angel82 (Sep 7, 2015)

So just talked to him about and he got defensive....tried to put it into perspective and then later he made a complaint how he needs want me to talk dirty more in bed and need to tease him more....at lost right now. Not sure what else to do...part of me just wants to cut him off completely


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

I know there are additional dynamics at play, but what I hear your husband saying is that he needs you to start with his mind. Warm his mind up sexually so his body can follow. I'm sure more than a couple of women can understand that.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

Angel82 said:


> So just talked to him about and he got defensive....tried to put it into perspective and then later he made a complaint how he needs want me to talk dirty more in bed and need to tease him more....at lost right now. Not sure what else to do...part of me just wants to cut him off completely


He seems comfortable telling you what he needs. Does he listen/care what you need? Are you comfortable asking for what you need?

Did you tell him that his attitude is making you not want to have sex with him? He _really _needs to understand sex isn't just about what he wants.


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

Stop it! Stop it! All of you stop it now! You're beginning to pis me off!


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

The only oral sex in my house is when we say F you.


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## LosingHim (Oct 20, 2015)

My husband didn't like BJs before me. And he had only given oral a handful of times before me. It took him quite a while to give it to me regularly, and he used to stop me quickly after I would start on him. I finally just told him to let me continue. I created a monster. Now he wants it constantly. Before sex almost every time. I think he would only have sex with me twice a week if I gave him a Bj the other 5 days a week (we have sex almost daily, sometimes multiple). But he's also VERY willing to give it. There are times I can't get him to stop giving it. Which I absolutely love, of course. But nothing beats the closeness of actual intercourse. At one point I grew very resentful of BJs. Why didn't he want to have sex with me? Isn't sex good enough? Was I lacking in some way? Was sex better with other people? I knew he loved BJs, but I didn't feel like he loved sex. So I was stingy with the BJs, only giving him a few minutes before stopping which would force sex. Or I wouldn't do it at all.

He dropped on me 5 weeks ago that he wanted a divorce. Guess who has given a Bj damn near every night since?? And I don't mind at all. If anything, it makes everything else even hotter! He doesn't ask, he doesn't have to. Being told that he wanted to leave me has reignited my sexual desire towards him and being stingy with BJs seems SO stupid now. 

What I'm saying is, don't read too much into it. Be happy that he wants you to do it, he obviously enjoys it and his pleasure should be important to you. 

In short......do it like you're gonna lose him.


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

As men age our equipment can work fine but we may not get fully aroused without a lot more work. We're used to spontaneous arousal, so when we need more it can be upsetting to our spouses. Dirty talk, porn, etc can make a big difference in the quality of our orgasm.

Regarding oral it's funny - wife wants to do this to me every time and almost no PIV. I prefer both. But I don't turn it down - it turns her on so hey lets go for it.

I do watch porn often to get aero used but don't masturbate. Interesting...


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

As men age our equipment can work fine but we may not get fully aroused without a lot more work. We're used to spontaneous arousal, so when we need more it can be upsetting to our spouses. Dirty talk, porn, etc can make a big difference in the quality of our orgasm.

Regarding oral it's funny - wife wants to do this to me every time and almost no PIV. I prefer both. But I don't turn it down - it turns her on so hey lets go for it.

I do watch porn often to get aero used but don't masturbate. Interesting...


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

Angel82 said:


> My husband as finally become a willing partner and as elimated porn and is limitinghis masturbation to a healthy point that hasnt effect our sexual relationship.if anything its improve his ed issues and he is even quicker to release.
> 
> I find that for him to get super aroused he needs oral sex before. I am an hd female so tgis doesnt bother me and enjoy to do this but i am feeling this is an expectation and a need for him. There are a few times that there will be quickie in the morning
> 
> ...



Mrs.CuddleBug knows I love it when she licks the front and back of my neck......drives me crazy, so she gets into it.

She knows I love her oral sex, so she always warm me up with a great BJ before we go all the way.

The reason I love her oral,

- her tongue is amazing
- her suction is awesome
- her saliva is divine
- her noises are hot.

I tell her she is really amazing at give me oral, so she lets herself go and rocks my world.

Sometimes Mrs.CuddleBug gives me great oral and I have my release in maybe 5 minutes. I tell her she's amazing and it was perfect. This makes her feel great and she really gets into the oral.

Does oral replace sex for us? No. Sometimes its to get me warmed up and sometimes she would rather just give me oral and swallow. All depends on her mood.


Mrs.CuddleBug also loves to lick, nibble and suck my ears. She especially loves to stick her tongue in my ears, almost like penetration for her. She really gets into that and breathes heavily.


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## Angel82 (Sep 7, 2015)

samyeagar said:


> I know there are additional dynamics at play, but what I hear your husband saying is that he needs you to start with his mind. Warm his mind up sexually so his body can follow. I'm sure more than a couple of women can understand that.


I agree but not understanding why its so difficult to provide this when i am doing all i can.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Angel82 said:


> I agree but not understanding why its so difficult to provide this when i am doing all i can.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


This sounds remarkably similar, almost word for word what my wife has said.

For example, and I understand this may not fit exactly your situation, but my wife can complain and worry for hours about work, the kids, what not, and then wonder why later that night, getting into bed naked doesn't register with me me that she wants to have sex, when something as simple as telling me earlier during her ranting that she can't wait til later so we can get naked and have sex and forget about things for a while would make all the difference in the world. Really, for me, it's that simple.


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

Angel82 said:


> He hasnt said that....but i noticed hes most aroused and even more erect when its like this.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I second this, and honestly, it's probably an age thing. I definitely get more aroused (ie. harder) when there's oral prior to sex. Just as hard as it used to get 20 years ago on its own. And my wife definitely notices when it's harder... However, I don't always get oral before PIV these days, which is funny because it creates a better over all experience for BOTH of us. 

It's certainly noticeable in terms of my wifes enjoyment, I know that. Maybe she hasn't put 2 and 2 together yet, or I have to point it out to her what it does... But talking about things like that tend to put some pressure on one party, and it's generally less enjoyable from that point on. I'll pick my battles.

I have no issues with ED, but with age comes some side effects, such as erections not being as hard as they once were. These days, it's really only oral sex as foreplay or the use of a ring that gets it to its full potential.

I'll tell you why oral sex as foreplay is beneficial, apart from the above - this is the only time during sex that I don't have to do anything, and my mind can focus, thus leading to more excitement on my part. It's not that I have a.d.d. or anything, but everything else requires some sort of brain power - reading body language, paying attention to cues, exerting some sort of effort, etc.

Generally speaking, for all you wives out there - if you have no real issues with oral sex (even just as foreplay), it's highly suggested you just do it. Like every time. So what if it becomes "expected"? Isn't oral sex on a woman as foreplay generally expected as well? All us men know that most women require a warming-up period prior to PIV. We men aren't really all that different.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

alexm said:


> I second this, and honestly, it's probably an age thing. I definitely get more aroused (ie. harder) when there's oral prior to sex. Just as hard as it used to get 20 years ago on its own. And my wife definitely notices when it's harder... However, I don't always get oral before PIV these days, which is funny because it creates a better over all experience for BOTH of us.
> 
> It's certainly noticeable in terms of my wifes enjoyment, I know that. Maybe she hasn't put 2 and 2 together yet, or I have to point it out to her what it does... But talking about things like that tend to put some pressure on one party, and it's generally less enjoyable from that point on. I'll pick my battles.
> 
> ...


Absolutely. This starts to touch on orgasm equity. My wife leads in terms of both quality and quantity. She has multiples in pretty much every encounter, both clitoral and PIV. As far as quality goes, my most intense are through oral and cowgirl...the times when I am able to lay back and focus on my feelings and what she is doing. Not having to read her body, or ignore that cramp because I can't change positions because she is getting close. I typically do most of the physical work, and it does change the feel and intensity of my O. I would estimate that maybe 2 or 3 out of 10 times will I get the oral or cowgirl, and even those times, she'll still gets her multiples.


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## Angel82 (Sep 7, 2015)

norajane said:


> He seems comfortable telling you what he needs. Does he listen/care what you need? Are you comfortable asking for what you need?
> 
> Did you tell him that his attitude is making you not want to have sex with him? He _really _needs to understand sex isn't just about what he wants.


I think when i approached hin that he was caught off guard anddidnt think that this was my thought process. He is a willing partner and wikl do anything i ask. I just feels a bit off
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Angel82 (Sep 7, 2015)

samyeagar said:


> This sounds remarkably similar, almost word for word what my wife has said.
> 
> For example, and I understand this may not fit exactly your situation, but my wife can complain and worry for hours about work, the kids, what not, and then wonder why later that night, getting into bed naked doesn't register with me me that she wants to have sex, when something as simple as telling me earlier during her ranting that she can't wait til later so we can get naked and have sex and forget about things for a while would make all the difference in the world. Really, for me, it's that simple.


This is probaly tru becuase we have small children and our lives right now are stressful
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Angel82 (Sep 7, 2015)

LosingHim said:


> My husband didn't like BJs before me. And he had only given oral a handful of times before me. It took him quite a while to give it to me regularly, and he used to stop me quickly after I would start on him. I finally just told him to let me continue. I created a monster. Now he wants it constantly. Before sex almost every time. I think he would only have sex with me twice a week if I gave him a Bj the other 5 days a week (we have sex almost daily, sometimes multiple). But he's also VERY willing to give it. There are times I can't get him to stop giving it. Which I absolutely love, of course. But nothing beats the closeness of actual intercourse. At one point I grew very resentful of BJs. Why didn't he want to have sex with me? Isn't sex good enough? Was I lacking in some way? Was sex better with other people? I knew he loved BJs, but I didn't feel like he loved sex. So I was stingy with the BJs, only giving him a few minutes before stopping which would force sex. Or I wouldn't do it at all.
> 
> He dropped on me 5 weeks ago that he wanted a divorce. Guess who has given a Bj damn near every night since?? And I don't mind at all. If anything, it makes everything else even hotter! He doesn't ask, he doesn't have to. Being told that he wanted to leave me has reignited my sexual desire towards him and being stingy with BJs seems SO stupid now.
> 
> ...


Those are the same questions running through my head. I wonder if its the only thing going on. When i didnt offer to go...the ed issues came into play and i thunk he is going to the doctors soon. He expressed his deive is just not there:crying:
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Angel82 (Sep 7, 2015)

TheTruthHurts said:


> As men age our equipment can work fine but we may not get fully aroused without a lot more work. We're used to spontaneous arousal, so when we need more it can be upsetting to our spouses. Dirty talk, porn, etc can make a big difference in the quality of our orgasm.
> 
> Regarding oral it's funny - wife wants to do this to me every time and almost no PIV. I prefer both. But I don't turn it down - it turns her on so hey lets go for it.
> 
> I do watch porn often to get aero used but don't masturbate. Interesting...


I have seen a few post regarding age but we are still fairly young in our early 30s and the ed issues started happening in our late 20s...so i dont know when males sex drive declines but i feel like thats too early
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

Angel82 said:


> TheTruthHurts said:
> 
> 
> > As men age our equipment can work fine but we may not get fully aroused without a lot more work. We're used to spontaneous arousal, so when we need more it can be upsetting to our spouses. Dirty talk, porn, etc can make a big difference in the quality of our orgasm.
> ...


Sorry about the ED - did you post the details on this - is it weight? ...medical?

I agree that is pretty young.


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## Angel82 (Sep 7, 2015)

TheTruthHurts said:


> Sorry about the ED - did you post the details on this - is it weight? ...medical?
> 
> I agree that is pretty young.


I have posted this in other threads of mine. Its only in the last two months that we dealing with a pretty sexless marriage. Sex as been better but i find only when serving his needs. He is a willing partner now but unless he gets a bj and in his favourite position than its good on his end. However the last two times he couldnt maintain an erection because i didnt provide him a bj or we started piv in another position.

Hes overweight but not extremely....probaly about 30. But i dont think is the issue cause when the ed problems began he wasnt. I always thought it was stress or his porn and masturbation issues. I am at the point of no return and this is the last straw to make our relationship work. We are in MC and all 

He says he loves me and wants me but this whole situation is making me feel unloved and undeisred. If its me that he is not attracted to then let me go so we can both have relationships that fulfill us. However, he doesnt because to him thats not it.

He going to a doctor so will see what happens next but as much as i want to cater to his needs...hes not fuly cartering to mine where i have a limited control in our sexlife.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

> I always thought it was stress or his porn and masturbation issues.


Yes, that can cause erection issues, as well as stimulation issues. If he's trained his brain and body to respond to porn and masturbation by doing it a LOT, then he very well could have desensitized himself to real sex with a person. 

Is this something you have discussed with your H? Does he understand that there can be a connection between ED, difficulty getting turned on and orgasming, due to too much porn and too much masturbation? Has he ever tried to go without porn and masturbation for a few weeks? 

Is this something he would mention to his doctor?


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## Angel82 (Sep 7, 2015)

norajane said:


> Yes, that can cause erection issues, as well as stimulation issues. If he's trained his brain and body to respond to porn and masturbation by doing it a LOT, then he very well could have desensitized himself to real sex with a person.
> 
> Is this something you have discussed with your H? Does he understand that there can be a connection between ED, difficulty getting turned on and orgasming, due to too much porn and too much masturbation? Has he ever tried to go without porn and masturbation for a few weeks?
> 
> Is this something he would mention to his doctor?


We are working on these issues and this was the problem and why we are at tgis point i had a theead called porn i dont get it. He said he as guven up the porn and is refraining from masturbating...i know he is going ro get his t levels checked and maybe look into viagra but i dont know what he is going to talk about. I believe this is a huge issue but he thinking he is suffering from PED now. I got alot of slack from male posters that i shouldnt dictate his masturbating but i told hubby its fine if it didnt interfere with us and to limit it to only in must needed situation where i wasnt around. I havent asked if he is masturbating or how often..he told me he wasnt doing it anymore. His drive isnt there...he turned me down yesterday but not aure if hes feeling pretty crappy because their was no result on his end
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## brownmale (Apr 20, 2015)

samyeagar said:


> I know there are additional dynamics at play, but what I hear your husband saying is that he needs you to start with his mind. Warm his mind up sexually so his body can follow. I'm sure more than a couple of women can understand that.


Why not do it for him? You'll have a loving, loyal husband who'll do virtually anything for you... a small price to pay to (i) keep the peace (ii) make your husband fell loved (iii) get the most out of your marrage.

I wonder why women these days think the trade union model is the only one to adopt...


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## brownmale (Apr 20, 2015)

I'm in my 50s, and just the sight or touch of a naked woman is enough to get me hard. Still.

Of course, if I got oral, that would have been great. Unfortunately I don't :=(



anonmd said:


> So, play along
> 
> Many men, at least when they are younger, don't require any particular stimulation, other than a willing naked partner, to get hard. Some men do. Most men do as they get older. So, maybe your hubby does and maybe he doesn't. Might be better to talk to him rather than run your cut him off experiment .


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## brownmale (Apr 20, 2015)

Thound said:


> Stop it! Stop it! All of you stop it now! You're beginning to pis me off!


In what waY?


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## brownmale (Apr 20, 2015)

Thanks so much for having the honesty to admit this, and tell us this story. Something going a small way can take us a long distance! Wish more wives (and some husbands too) in LTRs could accept this.



LosingHim said:


> He dropped on me 5 weeks ago that he wanted a divorce. Guess who has given a Bj damn near every night since?? And I don't mind at all. If anything, it makes everything else even hotter! He doesn't ask, he doesn't have to. Being told that he wanted to leave me has reignited my sexual desire towards him and being stingy with BJs seems SO stupid now.
> 
> What I'm saying is, don't read too much into it. Be happy that he wants you to do it, he obviously enjoys it and his pleasure should be important to you.
> 
> In short......do it like you're gonna lose him.


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## Angel82 (Sep 7, 2015)

I am updating my thread here.

This is not what i want...my husband can only get off if i give him a bj and in his favourite position or he cant maintain an erection or anal sex.

He got a prescription for cialias and is getting his t levels checked. 

This whole situation is making me depressed. And i am going on meds myself for depreesion.Not sure what else can be done but i feel like crap
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Happilymarried25 (Mar 19, 2014)

Why are you depressed, it's not your fault. You shouldn't feel pressured to give him a BJ just so he can get an erection. Hopefully using Cialias he can an erection and have sex with you so you get some pleasure too. He shouldn't need to depend on you for a BJ to get an erection. Either he isn't telling you the truth or something else is up.


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

ED affects a very large percentage of men for any number of reasons. Your distress and his can create enough tension to cause this even without other issues.

These things can be very temperamental.

My W and I are very active and I'm over 50. I was surprised when my erection drooped during sex a while back while changing positions. I had to do various things including BJ to get hard enough for PIV. The issue was that I was concerned about her pleasure and discomfort - I'm on the wide side so many positions can be painful. BUT she focuses on me and tries to hide it - making me focus on interpreting her facial expressions - which are very hard to interpret during coitus. So here is me focused on her and her faking no pain for me - of course I was losing my erection! Just mind games. We've mixed it up and she is more comfortable and claims to enjoy it so the issue is much much less. My point is that it is better to get your thoughts out and avoid guessing which could be distracting for him and you and reduce your sexual satisfaction.

Btw - was reading the latest "size" study for amusement (how I realized I was "big") and it pointed out that those who measured after a partner performed oral had larger size (slightly) which is my personal finding also. So I think there is at least anecdotal support for oral providing more / better stimulation.

Not minimizing your situation - yes please do get help. Just offering support that your experience is more normal than many would like to believe.


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## Angel82 (Sep 7, 2015)

I am feeling its much more than this as this as been going on since we have been married. A sexless marriage and when we try to work on that...here whats happens. My husban is not a older gentlemen and this as been hapeening since our mid 20s and we are now in our early 30s.

I think hes not attracted to me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

I'm really sorry.


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