# Wife Not Helping



## unreal (Mar 12, 2011)

Hi,

I have been married for just over 3 years and no kids yet. Many a times over the past 3 years I have asked for help as I am on low paid jobs and their is not many high paying jobs in the field I am in at the moment due to economy. My wife has given me money on a couple of occasions when I have BEGGED for it. She once said in rage after an argument why do you always CRY out for money from me as I wasn't working at the time DOH! We have talked over about doing things together that's what marriage is about teamwork but she wants to be totally independent and keep our money separate. I have stopped asking her money and take out money on credit cards or ask my parents in times of emergency. I am afraid of the future when we have children and if I struggle like I lose my job for some reason I feel my wife won't support me. What should I do? She won't understand its joint effort in finances but she is programmed to think Man must provide with no exceptions. And, what's even worse is that she hardly spends her money on things it just lies their in her bank account??


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

Unreal,

Do you want me to be mean to you? 

You sound like a kid. 

Of course women think their men should be providers, just like men think women should be hot and sexy all the time. 

You'd better start learning a good skill which can give you good pay, or you are going to lose your wife's respect. She is smart that she puts her money in her bank account, it means she is responsible with her finance, and she has farsight about her future! 

BE A MAN! DON'T BE A KID!


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

I think your wife has good boundaries with you. I have always felt one only has the right to the money earned. I do not work and my H gives me an allowance which im incredibly thankful for. I do not think he has any obligation to do so. We have separate bank accounts and I do not have access to his money.


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## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

There are several issues here.

We don't know the full story.

OP some questions- Do you mean to say that you both work and you pay for almost everything, but when things get tough she doesn't help you out?

Or do you split the finances and you both contribute?

Do you budget well or spend money on things you shouldn't?

If you are paying for everything and shes not contributing then that's not fair at all. However if you are both contributing and you are wasting money then I'd call her smart.

I believe that resources should be pooled in a marriage, and if you can't trust your SO with money then you can't trust them period. I think things should be spent wisely and fairly with both people being able to spend a little on things that make them happy after all expenses and savings are taken out IF there is money left.


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## friendly (Sep 21, 2010)

I like greenpearl's comment.
Be a man!


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Heh, the reality is that no matter how much women will say 'it's not about the money', they will still want a provider. 

They can't admit to this however, because the fact is, admitting to wanting a man who is able to provide will be the same thing as admitting to being materialistic - which they aren't in my opinion, they are only being sensible, but many will say otherwise.

A man asking money from a woman must be a rare occurance. You don't have to earn MORE then her, but you must be able to pull your own weight - just as Greenpearl mentioned - like a man. In the future you can of course ask for help, but at the moment, judging by her attitude and response you mentioned, I get the feeling that she feels like you've been 'leeching' off her.


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

RD,

I am not materialistic, I don't want a tons of money, but I told my husband clearly that he has to work and provide. My husband knows that very well. I don't respect men who don't provide. 

We don't want a luxurious life, but we want a financial stable life.

When a woman respects her man, it is easy for her to have sexual desire, if the women doesn't respect the man, then the sexual desire disappears too!


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Exactly, that's what I said 



> materialistic - which they aren't in my opinion, they are only being sensible, but many will say otherwise.





> You don't have to earn MORE then her, but you must be able to pull your own weight


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

RD, 

I will respect my husband more if he makes more than I do! Not a lot more, but more! 

I want a man who can provide, not just pulls his own weight! 

I am a traditional woman, I don't mind being a submissive wife if my man is being a responsible husband!

If a man wants respect from his wife, he has to BE A RESPONSIBLE MAN!


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Sure, but not all men have that ability or desire to make money and I don't feel it should be held against them either. In many cases too in today's modern world women can earn a lot more then men, I'm suspecting OP's missus is in that category.

Like sure, I worked 84 hrs a week to provide for the missus + my little warrior to the point the missus complained endlessly about not seeing me that now she dreads any mention of another "workaholic-spree", even to open up another business. And during that time in the past, I missed out on a LOT of crap and we grew apart to the point we almost split late last year.

So I don't think OP should focus on making money, but rather just pulling his own weight at the very least, and not to be pushed to go on a 'workaholic-spree'.


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## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

The OP still has not shared the details, he may well not even be working or working very little. Or as I said, not spending his money wisely.

Or he may and his wife is being controlling and weird with the finances.


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## friendly (Sep 21, 2010)

I still agree with greenpearl's views.
Men are supposed to find and bring home the bacon. In the past, they need to go hunting and literally bring home the bacon.
When a man has been turning to women for money all the time, so it's like asking women to go out to hunt and bring home to share the bacon with him.
I'm sure the wife has been helpful to OP for a long time already, but she's smart, because she knows she can't "always" help a man with her bacon. 
Beef up your hunting skills and make sure you bring home enough bacon for yourself and your wife.


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## unreal (Mar 12, 2011)

greenpearl said:


> RD,
> 
> I will respect my husband more if he makes more than I do! Not a lot more, but more!
> 
> ...


Typical women money=respect. Honey we live in a real world were everything is not ABC. Sometimes in life you know Men have issues like all human beings, health, redundancy, no opportunities. Yes, there are lazy people who don't try. I am not talking about that category who beg, gamble and commit crime to get money coming in. What is wrong with asking your wife for money being a big Kid when times are difficult most couple have joint bank accounts and help each other out? 



RandomDude said:


> Sure, but not all men have that ability or desire to make money and I don't feel it should be held against them either. In many cases too in today's modern world women can earn a lot more then men, I'm suspecting OP's missus is in that category.
> 
> Like sure, I worked 84 hrs a week to provide for the missus + my little warrior to the point the missus complained endlessly about not seeing me that now she dreads any mention of another "workaholic-spree", even to open up another business. And during that time in the past, I missed out on a LOT of crap and we grew apart to the point we almost split late last year.
> 
> So I don't think OP should focus on making money, but rather just pulling his own weight at the very least, and not to be pushed to go on a 'workaholic-spree'.


Exactly, I like your way of thinking we work left right and center and they end up spending money on useless things like handbags, makeup and haircuts and when it comes to the phone bill is quite high this month its like I don't care pay it my conversation about the latest fringe cut is more important than your money. 

Trust me I am the one looking to make enough money to get by but to be honest its not enough women are far too much demanding if they don't have the same or bigger lifestyle than Anne who lives down the road then she's not having it 'how can she have all that and we can't! 



Syrum said:


> The OP still has not shared the details, he may well not even be working or working very little. Or as I said, not spending his money wisely.
> 
> Or he may and his wife is being controlling and weird with the finances.


I am working doing 2 jobs and 2 businesses and studying. 



friendly said:


> I still agree with greenpearl's views.
> Men are supposed to find and bring home the bacon. In the past, they need to go hunting and literally bring home the bacon.
> When a man has been turning to women for money all the time, so it's like asking women to go out to hunt and bring home to share the bacon with him.
> I'm sure the wife has been helpful to OP for a long time already, but she's smart, because she knows she can't "always" help a man with her bacon.
> Beef up your hunting skills and make sure you bring home enough bacon for yourself and your wife.


I agree we should be earning to provide for the wife and kids but what good is a wife when the man has difficulties and she literally laughs at him every time she gives money. Most women can't be like that the world would be in a disaster. So, if thats the case then I think giving anything back if the wife asks for help doing the cooking or housework should be refused as its not our duty our duty is to only provide!


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

UNREAL

I AM a typical woman. 

To me, a man who provides for me gets my respect and fires my body up, I have sexual desire for him. 

A man who needs his wife to pull him up isn't appealing to me. 

Be glad that your wife isn't me. 

We talk about alpha men, we talk about beta men, we talk about men who are sexually attractive. If you want to be sexually attractive, be a provider!


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

When I first met my wife she was already in a high-roller position coming from a very rich family, while I was a street-kid turned legit-wannabe worker. I've never asked her for help throughout the years, and when in troubles I kept her out of it. Sometimes she offers me help, but I always refused; too much pride to ask money from a woman I guess, but in this case I guess it works out.

Eventually I've achieved a very high income first working 84 hours a week until I ended up taking over my business. But looking back, perhaps me pulling my own weight despite the temptation to just give in and ask for help earned her respect. Maybe just try to stop asking, and just keep working, when your wife realises that you've been working hard and pulling all the weight, perhaps she may contribute.

It's funny too, I also rejected help from her family, and prefered to work 84 hrs a week to get our own house, instead of just moving into one of their properties. Fact is; just like on the streets; accepting help from anyone leaves you open for manipulation through 'paying back favors'.

NOTE: I really don't think it's materialism that drives women to look for good providers. I wasn't a good provider in the past compared to her family, but I always pulled my own weight, and had my own pride as a man. I think that's what they really want in the end; just a man who thrives and succeeds despite circumstances, guess that by itself has sex appeal on its own heh


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

RD,

You are a responsible man! 

Women respect men like you! We don't want men work 84 hours a week, because that will destroy your health, but we want men who can provide! 

Even though she is willing to help you, and it usually happens, don't take it, because then they will think you are in debt of them, and they can be ****y in front of you!

My ex wanted me to use my relationship to get him a job, I did it since we needed money, but my respect for him dropped a lot, I don't respect men who expect their women to figure out where money is! I had to figure out where money was several times in a short term relationship with him and we were always moving! Like Friendly said, it is like men who want their women to go out and hunt! Even though this is a new modern world, but our genes are still the same, women's sexual desire comes from their respect towards their men!


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## eli (Jan 29, 2011)

Providing financial (and emotional) security is VERY sexy to women - I'm sure I am not alone in this.


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## unreal (Mar 12, 2011)

greenpearl said:


> UNREAL
> 
> I AM a typical woman.
> 
> ...


Well, I find that men who struggle in life to provide do all their best and they get married and the wife helps the husband upgrade their life I find that so appealing and personally its something that money can't buy and I could see marriages lasting forever if we would work as a team but sadly its all about what I should get. 

Im gonna be a bit GAY here but I find guys who struggle to make a living like bin men, lorry drivers etc a thousand times better in personality than those high up on the ladder IT gurus, fiscal managers in the office who complain about air conditioning or if they don't get enough cream on their coffee that morning. There's nothing better than a real women who helps a guy become successful.



RandomDude said:


> When I first met my wife she was already in a high-roller position coming from a very rich family, while I was a street-kid turned legit-wannabe worker. I've never asked her for help throughout the years, and when in troubles I kept her out of it. Sometimes she offers me help, but I always refused; too much pride to ask money from a woman I guess, but in this case I guess it works out.
> 
> Eventually I've achieved a very high income first working 84 hours a week until I ended up taking over my business. But looking back, perhaps me pulling my own weight despite the temptation to just give in and ask for help earned her respect. Maybe just try to stop asking, and just keep working, when your wife realises that you've been working hard and pulling all the weight, perhaps she may contribute.
> 
> ...


I have never understood this pride factor that we should earn more nor ask for help. I know many men with your view but never understood it working so hard is praised by me but what good is a wife if she can't help in that aspect of your life. Marriage is all about togetherness its about sharing life as much as you can guys who work 70/80 hours to provide were is the time to share marriage? There is no marriage? The key is to live a simple lifestyle moderate and work less and play more thats what life's all about. 

I was watching an old Hollywood classic and it showed husband and wife working and the way they dealt with finances was incredible the husband bought stuff for the wife from her money she earned and the wife bought stuff and paid bills for the hubby from his earnings the whole point of it was they were doing a service to each other incredible wish more people would think that way but I'll be called a traditionalist old fashioned or something but it worked for them.




greenpearl said:


> RD,
> 
> You are a responsible man!
> 
> ...


Yes, I agree with you but their is a difference between Men who are lazy and expect the Misses to do all the finances, but when it comes to support I think if women are earning they should offer because how can you love someone you don't want to help in an area they are finding difficult for the time being I just find it wrong to shrug shoulders and says its not my problem. Marriage is all about sharing, teamwork.


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

Unreal,

The money system some couples have in this modern new world is making me confused. Your money, my money, neutral money! A couple has separate accounts has already shown distrust towards each other. 

When we got married, my husband insisted us put our money together, he doesn't allow this kind of division happen. So we have always put our money together, there is only our money. But he knows clearly that he has to go out to work and make money. I am a responsible woman too, I hold a job stably. We seldom fight because of money because both of us are responsible spenders. 

Your wife does sound unsupportive, but what can you do? 

I am wondering about your job, are you an artist?


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## friendly (Sep 21, 2010)

Yeah wives must be supportive, I agree but not financially.
When a woman carries everything on her shoulders, the men who just waits for the money will become lazy and lousy. Most men would think,"
Because my wife earns her own money, why should I go to earn more for her and give the family all my bacon?
I should keep some for my own entertainment."
See? That's how they get to have fun. 
Women must protect themselves. There're boundaries we must set.


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## unreal (Mar 12, 2011)

greenpearl said:


> Unreal,
> 
> The money system some couples have in this modern new world is making me confused. Your money, my money, neutral money! A couple has separate accounts has already shown distrust towards each other.
> 
> ...


I am an IT technician. A PC fixer, ebayer, craiglister, facebooker and a part time taxi driver for wife alone. 

I like the idea that couples share their accounts. I think we have to differentiate people who are willing to work and earn the bacon that those who have the same desire but because of economical company cut backs issues which are beyond your control. 

Take this scenario guy works for say 50 hours per week for years then he is told his hours is getting reduced to 30 hours due and no overtime available as company has received reduced funding from government this year more hours may become available in the next financial year. Guy pays all the bills the wife works and has savings. So, hubby has the option of spending more time at home with Mrs extra 10-20 hours per week or whatever she works with a reduced wage.

Option 1 - Guy find a 2nd job but hours available or evening and weekends part time so he works say an extra 30 hours as minimum requires asks to reduce hours to 10 but they refuse. 

Option 2 - Wife understands hubbies position and would like more time with him as she feels money is not everything and help him out for 1 year with bills. 

Option 3 - Hubby and Wife see gloom and doom ahead and wife says you cannot provide for me anymore Hubby says i will try and find another way by getting another job or starting a small business but I need time wife says enough I don't respect men who cannot provide fully get the divorce papers. 




friendly said:


> Yeah wives must be supportive, I agree but not financially.
> When a woman carries everything on her shoulders, the men who just waits for the money will become lazy and lousy. Most men would think,"
> Because my wife earns her own money, why should I go to earn more for her and give the family all my bacon?
> I should keep some for my own entertainment."
> ...


I agree with that women shouldn't carry all the financial but life is tough and sometimes men cannot provide health reasons, redundancy and only state benefits can support him I don't blame these men at least there trying to provide I think women should see that and appreciate it as some other women see this situation and are sympathetic and understand and they end up destroying a marriage by taking their husbands from them.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Help or don't help. Either way don't complain, honey, about the consequences of doing exactly what you want.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

> I think women should see that and appreciate it as some other women see this situation and are sympathetic and understand and they end up destroying a marriage by taking their husbands from them.


I would advise that even though there are some women out there who do not look at the financial capability of men when they choose their lovers; they still look for some integrity and pride in who they choose.

Just stop asking for it; a man's responsibility is to provide, and if a man struggles... still, the last thing he should do is ASK the one he loves for money, but at the same time, if the man does all this, yet the missus does not help him or at the least supports him, then SHE is in the wrong. It's a two-way street in the end sure, but a man still has to well, 'be a man'.

EDIT: And BTW those women who go for these men with unsupportive wives, even if they lowered their standards just to hook up with the blokes... the fact is that in many cases, the same situation will come back to haunt the couple all over again.


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## Shianne (Feb 5, 2011)

eli said:


> Providing financial (and emotional) security is VERY sexy to women - I'm sure I am not alone in this.


You are not alone in this. I could blame my whole affair on this ... sad but true. 

The whole my money your money is very odd to me... why be married? 
Marriage, (not love mind you) IS a financial merger of two people. It merges debt and asset alike into one lump of "marital property"

No kids and you don't share money at all. What did you want the marriage for? I just wonder what drove you two to get actually married rather than live together and be a couple? Religious views? 

I hope I don't sound mean I just am trying to understand. It just seems to me that you might have been better to wait until you were both ready to accept the very real legal meaning of marriage. If the trust is not there to merge finances this is going to be a rough road since you already did... legally


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## unreal (Mar 12, 2011)

I just feel if a man is going through a hard time whether its redundancy or can't find higher paying jobs or a health issue women should be more supportive rather than looking down on men as incapable.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

I have specifically steered my own career to avoid risk. I have turned down all sorts of apparently lucrative offers or opportunities because I always have to consider that I don't and will never get any help. Period. I have never been unemployed, but it's been pretty dull.


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## SadieBrown (Mar 16, 2011)

There is a lot of good advice and a lot of discussion, so I don't have much to add. Except one thing that jumped out at me from the original post and that I didn't see addressed (unless I missed it). The original poster said he was scared of the future and what would happen when they had children. I have to say. . .do NOT have children until the two of you can agree on money because if you think money issues are bad now just try bringing a baby into the mix.


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## magnoliagal (Mar 30, 2011)

I'm a full time homemaker and I believe it's fully within my husband's rights to pay the bills and provide for the basics. Nothing more. If he chooses to give me some luxuries on top of that great if not and I want more then I guess I'd better go find a way to make money.

I'm wondering what do you need money for? Are the bills separated and you can't pay your share? Is it for more "stuff"? What? Are your necessities covered?

In my case I'm better at money management than dh is and he knows it (I'm a CPA) so he happily hands his paycheck over to me. I pay the bills, I do the budget, I live well beneath our means and I'm appreciated. We also have 3 kids that I care for. I try to discuss money with him but he's not interested. He trusts me. I know what his goals are and I work hard to accomplish those for him. I have his best interest at heart.


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## JohnGalt (Apr 14, 2011)

I find the focus on money in this thread interesting. We have more than our fair share of financial disagreements, I am the primary breadwinner and (in my opinion) my wife spends way too much. However having said that my complaints are about contribution, I have no issues with being the breadwinner and her spending "my" money but I do expect an equitable contribution. If I am working and she is not then it seems reasonable to me that she bears more responsibility for maintaining the home and taking care of the kids. I don't see that as "women's work", I see it as a fair distribution of how we contribute to support our family, practically as well as financially.

Having said that we fail miserably at trying to do it.


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## unreal (Mar 12, 2011)

So, guys on this thread would you rather ask your friends or the bank for a loan or work double time and give up your social life rather than asking your wife as they may see you as incapable of paying the bills?

Personally, I think some women think its easy to pay the bills they do not realise the hardship until they do it themselves for a month as I calculated they are not only bills but expenses approx 40-50 bills per month and more if a device at home or car breaks down. Everything from paying the window cleaner, chairty to rent.


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

unreal said:


> I was watching an old Hollywood classic and it showed husband and wife working and the way they dealt with finances was incredible the husband bought stuff for the wife from her money she earned and the wife bought stuff and paid bills for the hubby from his earnings the whole point of it was they were doing a service to each other incredible wish more people would think that way but I'll be called a traditionalist old fashioned or something but it worked for them.


Your basing your opinion of a utopian marriage off a movie. Look at your life. Is your philosophy working _in reality_? Do you have any real examples of people in your situation working out? Dont fuel your fire with delusions. It will be more helpful to make your case based on reality.


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## unreal (Mar 12, 2011)

SadieBrown said:


> > There is a lot of good advice and a lot of discussion, so I don't have much to add. Except one thing that jumped out at me from the original post and that I didn't see addressed (unless I missed it). The original poster said he was scared of the future and what would happen when they had children. I have to say. . .do NOT have children until the two of you can agree on money because if you think money issues are bad now just try bringing a baby into the mix.
> 
> 
> I am trying to make her understand this but it’s not getting through to her I have enough bills already I love children I would like 4 but the circumstances are not right when they are right we will have them I am being pressurized not just the wife but everyone as I am expected to have kids after first 6 months of marriage alongside the rest who have recently married!
> ...


It's good to know that both of you are living beneath your means and he trusts you with his paycheck wish I had that in my marriage. 



JohnGalt said:


> I find the focus on money in this thread interesting. We have more than our fair share of financial disagreements, I am the primary breadwinner and (in my opinion) my wife spends way too much. However having said that my complaints are about contribution, I have no issues with being the breadwinner and her spending "my" money but I do expect an equitable contribution. If I am working and she is not then it seems reasonable to me that she bears more responsibility for maintaining the home and taking care of the kids. I don't see that as "women's work", I see it as a fair distribution of how we contribute to support our family, practically as well as financially.
> 
> Having said that we fail miserably at trying to do it.


That;s the thing women get is easy when something is not done in the house when he comes home from work he expects a clean, well behaved children, good food cooked and her looking stunning for dinner instead we get told do it yourself im away to sleep im ill oh and put the kids to bed! 



Blanca said:


> Your basing your opinion of a utopian marriage off a movie. Look at your life. Is your philosophy working _in reality_? Do you have any real examples of people in your situation working out? Dont fuel your fire with delusions. It will be more helpful to make your case based on reality.


I mentioned that to emphazie the imporatnce of sharing in marriage, doing things for each other not only financially.


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

unreal said:


> I mentioned that to emphazie the imporatnce of sharing in marriage, doing things for each other not only financially.


You highlighted this section of the movie:

"the way they dealt with finances was incredible the husband bought stuff for the wife from her money she earned and the wife bought stuff and paid bills for the hubby from his earnings the whole point of it was they were doing a service to each other"

This statement is completely fiscally centered.


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## unreal (Mar 12, 2011)

Blanca said:


> You highlighted this section of the movie:
> 
> "the way they dealt with finances was incredible the husband bought stuff for the wife from her money she earned and the wife bought stuff and paid bills for the hubby from his earnings the whole point of it was they were doing a service to each other"
> 
> This statement is completely fiscally centered.


What it shows it marriage is all about sharing whethers its financies or help making food to taking care of the kids.


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## PeaceTrain (Jun 25, 2011)

unreal said:


> Hi,
> 
> I have been married for just over 3 years and no kids yet. Many a times over the past 3 years I have asked for help as I am on low paid jobs and their is not many high paying jobs in the field I am in at the moment due to economy. My wife has given me money on a couple of occasions when I have BEGGED for it. She once said in rage after an argument why do you always CRY out for money from me as I wasn't working at the time DOH! We have talked over about doing things together that's what marriage is about teamwork but she wants to be totally independent and keep our money separate. I have stopped asking her money and take out money on credit cards or ask my parents in times of emergency. I am afraid of the future when we have children and if I struggle like I lose my job for some reason I feel my wife won't support me. What should I do? She won't understand its joint effort in finances but she is programmed to think Man must provide with no exceptions. And, what's even worse is that she hardly spends her money on things it just lies their in her bank account??


Very similiar situation except her money is not sitting, and getting spent like crazy for external pursposes.


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## PeaceTrain (Jun 25, 2011)

greenpearl said:


> RD,
> 
> I will respect my husband more if he makes more than I do! Not a lot more, but more!
> 
> ...


I think the main issue is getting lost here. Problem is he is providing everything despite the fact his wife works. he is doing the best he could and busting his butt, but on the other hand wife is working and earning but no contribution.

Don't you think man sacrifices as well when women works?


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## PeaceTrain (Jun 25, 2011)

greenpearl said:


> RD,
> 
> You are a responsible man!
> 
> ...


You lost respect because you husband utilized your help to get a job. Man, you are nuts. It looks like you are saying you will be hot and sexy and in exchange man needs to pay bills or take care of you financially. Man, what if your husband somehow struggle with the job one day and it take him long to find job despite the fact he was trying. I better you would leave, or stop being sexy or hot. May be thats why you left your ex.


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## toughmommy (Feb 26, 2011)

I am in a similar situation with my husband. Women do not respect men who are lazy. Being down on your luck and actively working hard to do something about it does not constitute lazy. 

My husband and I have always had a joint account for our money. He has been chronically underemployed because he continued to work for his father's business instead of look for/work towards better opportunities. We lived well because of my income and it didn't particularly bother me until the last few years. 
When I was on maternity leave after having our son he was out of work because his Dad's business was slowing. We had a limited amount of money put away for my maternity leave and had enormous financial responsibilities (our mortgage, the mortgage of our rentals, and the expensive car he insisted we buy) I had asked him what his plan was in regards to working and he simply stated he needed to be available because his Dad could need him at anytime :scratchhead:. I began to loose respect right here because we needed the income that he wasn't bringing anything home and he refused to do anything about it because he needed to be there for his Dad. A year later he took over the business and for 3 years made no money while I financially supported all three of us and paid for everything. Since his business was failing and we essentially lost his income we couldn't keep up with the rental properties and have now lost both of them, had to file ch 7 BK. He promised in Nov 2010 he's shut things down in February but I found out that was a lie (his brothers and friend worked for him and he felt bad about putting them out of work). Only reason business shut down was due to force of BK Trustee at beginning of year. Lost even more respect at this point as he refused to go do something that actually brought in money to help us out. Things became much worse when he wouldn't even bother to actively job hunt after the business closed and he acted like I should be doing that for him (he denies this by the way) He has sat at home, played video games, and still hangs out with his buddies every other week or sometimes weekly. He has not put in any job applications on his own. Has just now gone to a job center (at my insistence) to get help writing a resume. So I am beyond furious and outright resentful  when he asks me for money and wants to have a good time on my dime, especially since he has not taken over the lion's share of the household responsibilities.

My attraction for him is at an all time low and quite frankly I look at other men differently than before and in ways I shouldn't. I have not cheated but the temptation is there when you have lost all respect and thus attraction for your spouse. I honestly don't know how much longer I can go on like this and right now I am only in this marriage for our son. Women need to know and see that their man can take care of them in order to have respect for them and find them sexually attractive.


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## Prometheus Pyrphoros (Jun 16, 2011)

As I understand, the OP is not lazy and is working hard but is unable to make enough money sometimes to pay the bills. When he asks for help from his lady, she belittles him for doing so. And the replies here are mostly that he is at fault and she is right? I see little respect from his spouse here.
Unreal, it is expected that the man be the provider. However, there are exceptions when this is temporarily not possible. Do you really see yourself in the future with this person, as she is? If yes, then at least try to postpone replication until you are able to get additional qualifications or something that will enable you to earn on a more steady curve. But maybe you should examine EVERYTHING about this relationship while you still can?


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## unreal (Mar 12, 2011)

Great info people. 

I understand those lazy not working attitude and asking the other half for money. I think people have misunderstood my OP. I do work hard but I feel women think a man will provide x amount every month until eternity that business and work fluctuate throughout years. Both should work and contribute to making each others life better rather than 1 sided.


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## bunny23 (May 19, 2011)

I respect my husband for bringing in the money, however I contribute equally. I do make a bit more than he does, and have my own savings account where that money goes.

As for the "typical woman" I don't think it's about the money, it's about the security, and it should go both ways sometimes. 

With that being said... what is the point of this woman working if she doesn't help pay the bills? She lives at their house but doesn't help with rent? Then maybe she should move out. Things have gone up, this isn't the 1950's where people can survive on 1 income! 

Unless he is just sitting on his butt not doing anything, well that's a different story


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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

friendly said:


> I still agree with greenpearl's views.
> Men are supposed to find and bring home the bacon.


Thank GOD there are people out there without such dated views. Like my husband. Who for much of our adult life earned less than I did. 



> In the past, they need to go hunting and literally bring home the bacon.
> When a man has been turning to women for money all the time, so it's like asking women to go out to hunt and bring home to share the bacon with him.
> I'm sure the wife has been helpful to OP for a long time already, but she's smart, because she knows she can't "always" help a man with her bacon.
> Beef up your hunting skills and make sure you bring home enough bacon for yourself and your wife.


Wife = child who is incapable of contributing financially to the family. BARF.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

I'll catch grief for pointing this out, but marriage is almost always an exchange of sex and nurturingn for security and has been since the first cavewoman figured out that by snuggling up to a great hunter, she and her offspring had a better chance to survive. Few women deliberately hook up with a guy who can't support them. They may wish to work but they need to know their husband can handle the load on his own shoulders should the need arise. Granted, since the 70s, women have evolved to no longer feel compelled to provide sex or nurturing but they haven't evolved quite far enough to not still expect security.


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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

unbelievable said:


> women have evolved to no longer feel compelled to provide sex or nurturing but they haven't evolved quite far enough to not still expect security.


I don't know a single solitary woman who is not fully capable of supporting herself and her own children. And when you can support yourself, you no longer have to put up with demanding, overbearing men who want to get laid and bring nothing to the table BUT an income. Thankfully, now women have the ability to chose LOVE over money.


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