# Fork in the road .. what do I do



## tmryan750 (Oct 28, 2015)

Post removed invalid


----------



## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

You have moved on now keep going. Dumping you for another man should tell you everything you need to know. Learn from your past and move on from the damage. You acted like and azz but she ditched you for another.

He probably dumped her and now she's looking for you to fill in as her plan B. Or the grass wasn't as green as she thought. 

You would have to live with the thought of her with another man. Hard to do long term.

Better think long term here. Your life will be what you make it.

Good luck


----------



## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

One of the first things you have to ask yourself, from a practical point of view, is whether you would be a better person with or without your wife. 10-to-1, she got dumped by her BF, and now she's feeling lost and alone, and is looking for any port in a storm. She remembered how "desperate" you were to get back with her, and now thinks that you both can pick up where you left off. But even if you got back together, the marriage would be a whole new one, and not the one you had before.


----------



## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

No need to dump your girlfriend just because your wife's boyfriend dumped your wife. I'd say move on with being someone else plan A rather than settling for being your wife's plan B.


----------



## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

The other guy dumped her, and she wants mr safe back while she looks for a new OM.


Don't be mr safe... value good women, don't devalue them by dumping them and running back to bad ones.


----------



## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

I just realized we all said the same thing... lol!


----------



## survive_to_die (Oct 21, 2015)

So you've been married 3 years?

Do you love your wife? If your wife was to show up in the rain, asking to come in and for you to take her back, what would be your first and immediate thought? I think that would be my decision.

This new woman you have known for 2 months, remember that you met her at a time when you felt betrayed and abandoned by your wife. "Chemistry" is a gray-ish word that could camouflage the fact that she has filled a hole in your heart and life and that there hasn't been real trials and fights to test your compatibility.

Think back to when you and your wife were just 2 months into the relationship. It's unfair to compare your feelings with a new woman to someone you've spent years with and been through really hard times with.

If you and your wife are both committed to cutting off contact with your current relationships, are both committed to working through the path to reconciling the problems that brought you to the separation and searching for other people, then I would be in favor of you and your wife renewing your efforts with each other.

It's not going to be easy, but with dedication and strength you'll end up in a place were you are happier and stronger than you were after 3 years of marriage. You married her for a reason. NEVER EVER forget that. Remember it. Remember why. If she's completely for you as a wife, be completely for her as a husband. Get some therapy and counseling for yourselves as individuals and eventually as a couple. No half-assing it or it will not work this time either.

These people you've each been with for a couple months will be fine. They'll recover and find other people. Go get your wife.


----------



## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Just tell her she said to move on and you did. It's too late now. 

I wish you nothing but the best as you move on.


----------



## warshaw (Jul 31, 2015)

Going back with your wife would be your second biggest mistake in your life.

Marrying her was the first.

If you can't just end it, then see what happens with this new girl. Tell your wife you'll get back to her, meanwhile she should continue in counseling and figure herself out. No need to decide anything right now. 

Of course it's not fair to the new girl if you continue seeing her knowing there's a chance you'll reconcile with your wife, but that's a chance you'll have to be willing to take. It's a dog eat dog world out there.


----------



## Hopeful Cynic (Apr 27, 2014)

Yup, the only thing that changed was that she is no longer with this other man, for whatever reason. Her feelings for you have not changed - she's only trying to get back with you now because her preferred alternative is no longer available.

It wouldn't work with her a second time anymore than it did the first time.

Take the lessons you've learned about yourself from that relationship failure and use them to avoid the same mistakes in your current relationship.


----------



## tmryan750 (Oct 28, 2015)

Removed invalid


----------



## survive_to_die (Oct 21, 2015)

tmryan750 said:


> side note wife's BF did not dump her he told her he loved her and wanted her to move in with him


There's always a lot of cynicism on here. Your wife very well could have been shocked into realizing the decision she had made was not really what she wanted to do. You don't have to jump right back into a relationship and being "married". There's a lot of work to do.

You first need to decide if you want your wife. If yes, you need to be honest with your GF. Next, get the help of a therapist or marriage counselor that can aid you in how to help you and your wife reconnect. Maybe this involves maintaining a separation where you date each other while seeing a marriage counselor and working on resolving issues with each other without living together.

As things progress you are building a new relationship and rebuilding your bond and your trust with each other.


----------



## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

tmryan750 said:


> side note wife's BF did not dump her he told her he loved her and wanted her to move in with him


Of course she said that. It's easier on her pride to believe that lie, and also a better manipulation story. Great way to show you how in love with you she is, rather than how desperate she is.


----------



## survive_to_die (Oct 21, 2015)

samyeagar said:


> Of course she said that. It's easier on her pride to believe that lie, and also a better manipulation story. Great way to show you how in love with you she is, rather than how desperate she is.


Or it could be true and tmryan750 has a chance to regain his wife. It's worth at least this chance. If not, he's lost very little time in the larger scheme of things.


----------



## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

survive_to_die said:


> Or it could be true and tmryan750 has a chance to regain his wife. It's worth at least this chance. If not, he's lost very little time in the larger scheme of things.


Of course there are always exceptions, but so far, this is fitting an age old, well worn script, with no reason what so ever to believe that this is the one in a million chance.

Sure he can try, but the thing is, he has already well on the way to total emotional separation, and in order to even get that minuscule chance of success, he is going to have to go back to all in. His wife has already shown what she is capable of, and in most cases, it's not worth the risk, hurt or time lost.


----------



## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

tmryan750 said:


> side note wife's BF did not dump her he told her he loved her and wanted her to move in with him


Did you speak with the OM or did she tell you this????

No matter which way you go it'll have to be no contact with one. It'll never work with three in the mix.

She left you to find another if he wasn't already in the mix. Being a jerk was on you. Leaving for another man was 100% her plan. Making a marriage work is 50/50. Having sex with some else is 100% on the wayward spouse no matter what the problems were.


----------



## warshaw (Jul 31, 2015)

tmryan750 said:


> side note wife's BF did not dump her he told her he loved her and wanted her to move in with him


If you're considering making the mistake of reconciling with her, then tell her you want his number so you can speak to him. That way you can get what is undoubtedly going to be a different side of the story. But don't approach him in a way that will make him defensive.


----------



## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

Careful not too read too much into this new relationship. Your two months into a rebound relationship and it's way too easy to have the rose colored glasses on right now.


----------



## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

honcho said:


> Careful not too read too much into this new relationship. Your two months into a rebound relationship and it's way too easy to have the rose colored glasses on right now.


The rose coloured glasses are for sure on with the new one, but the old one has left no doubt as to her true colours, no matter what glasses one is wearing.


----------



## Dyokemm (Apr 24, 2013)

"My wife has stated that had I never said those things she would have not left in the first place."

I think you should take this line with a grain of salt.

Your WW was behaving totally inappropriately with other guys online....you can bet money that OM and her were already talking at least before she moved out.

You were totally right to threaten D if she didn't stop posting risque pics and flirting with POSOM's on social media.

This was not an 'unfair' point in your arguments....if anything, you should have followed through on them long before she finally decided to separate so she could go screw around with at least one of these scumbags (do you even know how many of her admirers she ended up hooking up with?).

In essence, your threat wasn't wrong or a mistake....not following through with filing was your error.

Perhaps if you HAD filed when she wouldn't stop, she might have been shocked into wanting to repair your M before she then went out and trashed it with these turds.

I think the majority of other posters are right at this point though.....continue the D and stay with your gf.

Your WW has no one to blame but herself if this causes her pain.

Its not like she can claim you didn't warn her what the result of her cheating behavior was going to be.


----------



## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

One thing that jumped out at me from your 1st post was that she said she was moving out for "space". I've said it once, and I'll say it again and again until I die: "I need space" is womanspeak for "I've met someone"...

When things were going awry because of the fighting over her online activities, did she try to at least meet you halfway and work on the marriage problems? 

No.

She upped the ante by overtly flirting with men online. This would show me a woman's true colors, and how she handles marital problems: she runs to another man.

And her saying that she wouldn't have left if you hadn't said the things you did is a way for her to blame you for all of the problems in the marriage, and a very lame attempt to justify her stepping out.

Chances are (if the OM hadn't really dumped her) that she saw that the grass was NOT greener on the other side, that Mr. Wonderful is human after all, and she probably really wants to break up with him, and come back to her safety net: you.

That is, until she meets another man...


----------



## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

Oh, and one more question: how old is your GF?


----------

