# manning up in sexless marriage.



## brendan (Jun 1, 2011)

advice please: We are 27 and been married only a year. In first yeat of marriage we only had sex once.

after the birth of our dauhgter wife is traumatised by sex/birth after we had a bad birth when we neally lost our daughter.

so in 3 years we have only had sex 3 or 4 times. her libido is goooone.

Im a nice guy and seen the mr nice guy comments and will read the book, i feel sorry for her and more so myself. We are going to counsilling once every 2 weeks but not much has been mentioned about sex until next week the counsellor says. I feel my wife is just not trying in anyway shape or form, not even handjob or nothing. We still get along but no sex.

NO can people list some ways i should try to man up, im 27 fit male and need sex with my wife for happier mariage. thank u


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## Trying2figureitout (Feb 3, 2011)

Ditch the counselor...First learn women's needs inside and out on your own.

Now don't reward bad behavior... encourage good behavior.
Create special events and if they don't lead to sex then dis-invite her from those activities and still do them with friends and family members. Be the man who creates fun that she can join in if she plays otherwise she's dis-invited.

She has to play to be part of your world. Be a man. Be someone she respects.

Stay upbeat, stay happy. Expect sex (don't ask)... when she turns you down remain neutral and say I guess I'm no longer in the mood either. Then move on to something else. Try again when you want but try to associate an event with it both minor and major. Women like the experience it's all in their mind. The act is way down their list. You probably don't do enough foreplay throughout the day. Learn about women. Libido is a cop out. It's you.

Stand up to her when she upsets you... your not getting sex anyhow so use this time to your advantage. Quit being a doormat. Never whine about lack of sex... quit looking needy. It's not sexy.

After you become a man and consistently do it... specify exactly what you need from her going forward state it as a matter of fact... lay out the ground rules. Shock her and make her find a fix. Let her know that sex is an undeniable implicit marriage commitment and that you need it regularly to connect with her emotionally and physically. If she has any problems tell her she can feel free to leave you. I put her in charge of taking our sex life off my mind... she has ownership of that. That happened two weeks ago now is game time.

My wife magically re-appeared emotionally about an hour after I shocked her... amazing how that works. She had been MIA for years! She broke down her wall we built in an hour. Reality check worked.

Did that to my wife and she hasn't left  she's really happy and a great sex life is on the horizon. After two years clinically sexless after ILYNILWY. I specified at least 2-3 times every month to meet in a workable middle with her enthusiasm and willingness to try new things. Before this it was monthly only and boring. I spent two years fixing my marriage... you can too. I'm getting laid this weekend! I know it.


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

brendan said:


> advice please: We are 27 and been married only a year. In first yeat of marriage we only had sex once.
> 
> after the birth of our dauhgter wife is traumatised by sex/birth after we had a bad birth when we neally lost our daughter.
> 
> ...


Sex just once a year? It’s obviously not a big deal to you otherwise you’d have been long gone. Sex is even less of a big deal to your wife. I don’t see how you can possibly rectify the situation. If it was me I’d leave, I’d be gone. And that’s probably the best chance you’ll ever have of turning things around, to commit yourself to leaving such that your wife actually believes you are going to do it. Maybe, just maybe her fear of loss will turn her around and make her step up to the mark.


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

Based on what you describe, I too think counseling is worthless.
The way you man up is to state that you are going to be in a sexual marriage with or without her, and give 2 weeks to make a decision.


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## SockPuppet (May 16, 2011)

Have you spoken to your wife about this?

If her sex life is truly gone there isnt much you can do. She needs to do something. You can help her out by being a supporting and loving Husband through this ordeal.

Whether her lack of interest is driven by chemical, psychological or physical issues there is a fix for that. The big question is, does she want to fix it? 


As for the manning-up part, I understand what you mean, but you cannot man-up to fix your relationship with your current wife. 

You can man-up, and by correlation your wife will pull a 180 and may provide for you in this way. But if your current want, is to become a better man, to man-up so your wife will have sex with you again, you miss the point of manning-up entirely and therefore cannot be helped.


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## NotLikeYou (Aug 30, 2011)

brendan- Over in the "Sex in Marriage" forum, one guy wrote a thread about how his wife gave him permission to go see a hooker for sex, since she wasn't giving him any. He got lots of good advice, although I don't think he took any of it. You might go read that thread and see if there is anything for you there.

If you can't find the thread, just look for the poster's name.

It was...... brendan.


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## CSmith (Nov 19, 2011)

I remember one man talking about if you want a wife to give you sex you gotta make her want to please you. If your fit, get even fitter, go out, try to enjoy life. If she refuses sex then just blow it off and continue to enjoy life, you could even try to make her jealous (I dont really agree with this but i've seen this work with men in your situation)


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## Trying2figureitout (Feb 3, 2011)

1. Become better man
2. Realty check with date attached
3. Either divorce or get better sex from wife

Either way win/win as you'll be ready to date again.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

In a similar vein I'm considering stopping HRT because what's the point? It's over. And Androgel is expensive and is giving me elevated blood pressure.


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