# Is he cheating please help.



## vavou74 (Mar 19, 2013)

Hi I just found this forum and Im glad because im going crazy. 

Ive been with my husband now for 7 years, and i just concluded that i dont trust him. But I want this to work for my 2 yr old daughters sake. She wont have a father if i walk away. 
Well I always had doubts about him because he was so discreet, his phone is always on vibrate, he sleeps with the phone, ****s with the phone. Well a few days after our wedding I found a womans naked picture on his phone, he of course had an explanation for that. He said that he was at a friends house and they played a pranke on him and the picture was out of a porn magazine. (didnt look like that to me). I let it go. A few years later i feel asleep early and woke up n the middle of the night. I walk to the living room because he wasnt in the room and he was on the phone when I comfront him about it he said he was talking to his brother ((LOL , what a F****Ing joke). We argue and everything but he always makes it seem like im paranoid and stupid to even think what im thinking. 
Another sitution maybe a year later I found a picture of his penis saved under his draft section in his phone. I questioned him about it and he again makes it feel like Im just crazy he said he didnt send no picture of his D**K to anyone and brushed it off. 
Now last week he said he is going to an all expense paid trip to aruba, from an exemployer he worked for because the ticket was given to his brother and the brother cant go. He asked if I wanted to go knowing that we couldnt afford it. (all this time he hasnt kept a stable job in 4 years. Im struggling right now house in foreclosure and unsure what is going on). I tell him no. He off course makes it seem like im being over protective and jealous because I dont trust him. He said everyone new you was going to say no. Asking me questions like why am i like that. etc... I told him if you go to this trip i dont give you my conscent, I said its like your 1 of your parent is dieying and I said my girlfriend got free tickets to jamaica. It just dont make since. 
So he goes anyways, he calls and I dont answer. He said 4 guys was going with to that trip, i called 1 of the guys and he said he doesnt know about such a trip. I know if I comfront him he will say im crazy and y dont u trust me and turn it on me. Im christian so the bible frown upon divorce and infedelity. 
But I have been nothing but good to him everything he wants I give, i gave him his residency card, i take his parents as mine, his babymomma issues which was before we meet I motivate him to help her out even when he wasnt working I sent my own money out of town to help the lady because i believe if you love a man you have to love his child even if its not urs. 
Im so heartbroken, he is surpose to come back sunday i wanted to leave and take a break because if i talk to him divorce is the only thing im thinking. I havent seen him but damn im i really crazy. 
Its difficult because our 2yr old daughter cant stop talking about him DADDY THIS DADDY THAT. I feel like i need a break from him. But i know if he comes home and im here it will be very hard to leave. I fear of sending the wrong message because I love him dont get me wrong he is a good man but he has so much secrets. You cant question him its not sincere,happiness isnt hear anymore. We argue/disagree because we dont really yell or anything ... please share your thoughts and advice 

I wanted to go get a copy of our phone records from metropcs but the account is under his name I am unsure if they will give it to me. But if you dont trust him do u need anymore proof. I feel like if I leave maybe things will change he will realize that Im not always going to be here, but who will let you stay at their house with a 2yr old tearing things up.


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## strugglinghusband (Nov 9, 2011)

1)read the newbie link at the bottom of my post, will help you quite a bit..come up with a plan for YOU
2) sounds like he's cheating big time, with no consequences, he needs to face some, like maybe divorce papers
3) and No right now he is NOT a good man, a good man dosent take off on vacation while his wife is at home broke in more ways than
one
4) Sorry you are here,other posters will be telling you to do things that you will think are the opposite of what you should be doing, but they are 100% spot on, read some stories here on TAM.
5) You will get thru this and be ok...


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## Chris989 (Jul 3, 2012)

Hi,

I'm sorry you are here but you will get support and honest advice - some may not sound entirely palatable, but it is all well intentioned.

It does sound like your husband could be a serial cheat. The other evidence *could* be explained away, but the holiday sounds like total BS.

It is likely that, even if you obtain concrete evidence of your husband's likely infidelity, he will deny this too. My ex wife denied things even *after* she had admitted them to me (and forgotten about it!).

You need to think about where you will draw the line with this man. It is not a healthy environment for a child to grow up in where the husband is treating his wife with such contempt.

It is far better for a child to grow up with 2 happy parents apart than 2 unhappy ones together.

The only thing you can change in this equation is your actions. Start to ignore your husband do "The 180".

Begin divorce proceedings. Show him you are serious. Show him you respect yourself because at the minute, he holds you in contempt and assumes that you do too as you are putting up with his behaviour.

I get the feeling there might be more to this situation. Please do post again with any further thoughts you have.

People on here really care and have quite often been through very similar experiences.

Take care.


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

> We argue and everything but he always makes it seem like im paranoid and stupid to even think what im thinking.


About this and more pieces of your thread. It's called gaslighting, it's a form of emotional abuse. Google it.


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## ody360 (Feb 1, 2013)

yes Vavou74 he is not being a reasonable person. No job, you guys are struggling and he goes off on a vacation. He could be using that valuable time to try to find a job and help you and your daughter plus the person your sending money to. Are you the only one who has been working for a while now. You should be getting pissed cause he atm isn't even thinking of his 2 year old daughter he is only thinking about himself. Kinda sounds like you have 2 kids not a husband and a daughter. 

Be ready for him to start trying to use your daughter to make you feel guilty if you decide to leave. He is hiding something and sounds very manipulative. No one, and i mean no one just takes a picture of there pecker if they don't plan on sending it to someone. Brett Farve anyone. Try to settle down and start thinking more logically and putting things together. You'll see that A+B=C. You need to tell him to leave for a while. I cant get over he went on vacation when your house in foreclosure what a peace of S&*&.. sorry. If it was me i wouldn't be able to enjoy a vacation knowing my wife and daughter are home alone with are current money situation.

I'm so sorry your going through this. There are just evil people out in this world this just sucks.


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## ubercoolpanda (Sep 11, 2012)

You should have nipped it in the bud as soon as you saw the naked picture of that woman. You should have started counselling right there. He has no consequences and that's why he knows he can get away with it. 

He's definitely gas lighting you too, twisting your words around and making it sounds like YOURE crazy and in the wrong. 

He's cheating 100%. You need to give him an ultimatum. If he IS cheating what do you plan on doing? 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## badbane (Jun 9, 2012)

No you are not crazy by residency you mean citizenship or he is in residency?


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

vavou74 said:


> I wanted to go get a copy of our phone records from metropcs but the account is under his name I am unsure if they will give it to me. But if you dont trust him do u need anymore proof. I feel like if I leave maybe things will change he will realize that Im not always going to be here, but who will let you stay at their house with a 2yr old tearing things up.


Metro will not give you the records if the account isn't yours.
They actually charge for detailed phone logs given to account holders.
They aren't like AT&T.

Your husband is cheating.


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## SloppyJoe6412 (Mar 19, 2013)

vavou74 said:


> Now last week he said he is going to an all expense paid trip to aruba, from an exemployer he worked for because the ticket was given to his brother and the brother cant go.


Really? This must be one of the least credible lies I've ever heard. Sorry.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

WOW this one follows the script to a T.

OK your plan
1) Check phone / text records and bills
2) VAR the car
3) GPS the car. brickhousesecurity.com
4) VAR him possibly MemoQ pen 
5) konusb will get you into a passworded comp


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

He sounds like a serial cheater. They have serious problems and they aren't always anxious to change. My guess is that few of them do although anything is possible. Whether it's probable or not is another story.

Don't expect him to just confirm for you that he's cheating because that's not what cheaters do. They lie. Even when you catch them.

If he is not willing to change then at some point you will have to decide if it's okay for your daughter to grow up in a home where her dad cheats on her mom. Because she will probably at some point figure that out.

Is that what you want her to think marriage is?


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

If you don't believe that he is cheating, then I've got a very large public bridge in Houston that I'd like to sell you!

Just take it to the bank~ after finding the naked woman pic as well as the one of his personal anatomy posted up there on his cell phone, well let's just say that it's not exactly there for the benefit of "his health!"

IMHO, it well past time for "the good ol' 180!" And also a trip to a good family lawyer to fully advise you of your options!


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## calmwinds (Dec 10, 2012)

No man takes pictures of his spare parts and saves them on his phone for his own amusement, and takes a vacation when the household is financially unstable.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Because your daughter really has a father now, doesn't she?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MrK (Sep 2, 2010)

vavou74 said:


> He said 4 guys was going with to that trip, i called 1 of the guys and he said he doesnt know about such a trip.


There you go.


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## CH (May 18, 2010)

Yeah, he's cheating.

How you've turned a blind eye for so long just tells me that you love him so much. Too bad such good love is wasted on a douche.

What Mat said, he's not much of a father IMO, doesn't seem like he's around much at all.


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

That was very disrespectful (AGAIN). 

How long will you put up with this before you say "enough!"


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## vavou74 (Mar 19, 2013)

*Is he cheating please help.-1*

Ive read all the replies to my story and it only makes me sick to my stomache. (because ur right)
Well he told me he would be in Sunday, but i spoke to the brother and he informed me tuesday. (Whatever) 
His probably embarrassed that he got caught or unsure how he is going to get out this lie. 
1 things for sure something has to give. I figured out the password to his phone and clean out his voicemail. I saw he received 3 calls from 6463849038, a chick talking about shes checking how his flight went.LOL. Did she not know he was married. 
Well he still isnt home yet that coward!. Now his trying to make me lose my job because i dont have a sitter, but friends are helping me out and telling me to pray. 
I honestly have nothing to say to him but i have to try. I will litsen to what he has to say. he may say lets call it quits or just come clean. Things have to change if he wants to stay. 
I joined the gym, and went on a shopping spree with "$$$" he was holding for his brother. Made me feel great actually but still didnt replace my hurt and memories. I plan to focus on myself and get back to looking good and feeling good.
I love this guy, I married him for all the right reasons in front of GOD, with the intentions of better or worst, for th long hall.u know. Yes I am strong but i have a daughter. I cant walk away like that, she will rezent me. I have to try.
I guess this is the "worst" that the wedding vows talk about. The bishop says you stay home with him and wait to love comes back, because GOD gave him to you and MAN can take that away. My gutt tells me his cheating I also know that every woman he is cheating with wish they were me. I will fight but if he is not willing to fight to keep his family. I will take him for all he will ever be worth, and make. 
Leave it to a sorry loser, to turn a sweet woman Bitter.


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## Robsia (Mar 11, 2013)

^He married you in front of God too. He made vows in front of God, and he broke them. He destroyed your marriage, not you.

You don't owe him anything!

I don't think every woman he cheats with wishes she were you. Why would you want to be someone whose husband cheats on her? Kinda sucky place to be...


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