# Mostly for Men - What do you think about when...



## COguy (Dec 1, 2011)

Question for all of the dudes out there. I'm hating my crazy STBXW and her crazy wh*re ways, but I find myself in a mental dilemma.

So I'm doing the deed, on myself, and wondering what in the heck I'm supposed to be fantasizing about. For the past 8 years I think mostly of my wife, sometimes for fun I throw a few of her friends in the mix too.

But now it feels wrong. Like I think about boning her and her friends and I feel like I'm letting myself down because she's a dirty skank and her friends are horrible people. But then I start thinking about other chicks and I feel a little guilty that I'm like cheating on my wife.

Mostly I still think about my wife, but as soon as I'm done I feel guilty about it, like I'm an idiot for wasting my thoughts on her. Anyone else go through this?


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## Lifescript (Mar 12, 2012)

Well. Something similar happens to me. Since she's the only woman I've been with I think of her a lot (well I used to) and our sex life was freakin amazing which has made it so difficult to detach. It's normal to think of the wife. 

It became almost impossible for me to think of her because thoughts of her and OM creep into my mind. Don't know why you would be feeling guilty about thinking about other women. She cheated on you. Why would you care. 

But yes, it's normal dude.


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

Well, there is a lot of free pr0n on the internet - works for most guys. You aren't thinking about your W then. Or get a magazine or something. Think outside the box, so to speak.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

options:

1) porn, lots of free stuff on the web, just be careful with the spyware risk
2) fantasize about celebrities
3) fantasize about the past women in your life from college or what have you
4) fantasize about random strangers you see in the street


OR

stop feeling guilt/shame about fantasizing over your STBX- IT'S A FANTASY- ie. NOT REAL just like all of the other suggestions above


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## COguy (Dec 1, 2011)

I want to stay away from the porn as much as possible. I don't think it's healthy for me and the last time I started watching it I noticed I was objectifying women in my every day life.

Consider it a product of my conscience and strict moral ethics. I've always felt lust outside of marriage was something to be avoided, so I have some guilt about fantasizing about married women and stuff. Kind of in limbo because I also don't think it's healthy to be thinking of my STBX either.

Old college flames is a good idea LOL.


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## SoVeryLost (May 14, 2012)

I know this is for the boys, but a suggestion if I may...

If you're opposed to viewing porn, another option that I used during the last couple years of my marriage when my STBXH's ED began, was erotic literature. There are some really good websites out there with erotic stories for just about any scenario you could imagine. There is nothing degrading to either gender, but rather describes, often in great detail, the beautiful thing that is sex between a man and a woman. When I used it I never thought of any man in particular - my husband or otherwise - I was just too engrossed in what I was reading and what I was doing with the other hand to think that much about it. Might help.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## thunderstruck (May 9, 2012)

Watch CNN's Robin Meade tomorrow morning. That should do the trick.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

thunderstruck said:


> Watch CNN's Robin Meade tomorrow morning. That should do the trick.


Did she have a breast reduction? Or just lose a lot of weight?


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## cmartinho (Jul 18, 2012)

I am in a bit of a different situation, as to my knowledge my wife has never cheated on me. During the last year and a half of our marriage after the baby, she has had little to no sex drive (once a month, maybe? sometimes more, sometimes less; and its been about 3 months now). This completely wrecked my self-image, that my own wife didn't want anything to do with me (she always said she was still attractive to me, but just had no desire for sex).

During that time, there was a lot of...hmm, self-appreciation? Yea, that's how we'll say it. During that time I watched a good deal of pornography, and thought as little as possible, the deed itself becoming somewhat more of a male need for release with little to no emotional connections. Robotic, if you will.

Since the separation (which has only been a few weeks but, feels like an eternity in hell), all I can think about is her. Pornography no longer does anything for me, fantasizing about that girl who bent over in the supermarket has no effect; all I want is my wife.

Don't get me wrong, while we were together I still fantasized about her quite a bit when other materials weren't readily available.

The problem that I am finding is that things start to creep into my mind when when I haven't done the deed in a while. Vivid images flashing through my mind of her and another man, be it now or 10 years from now if we don't ever get back together; thoughts that in-and-of themselves make it difficult to even do the deed. During those times I try to focus on remembering when her and I did it, or little sexy things she used to do like meeting me at the airport in this black dress I liked with no panties on. I guess you could say I focus on the those moments I enjoyed, and force out thoughts of anything else.

I don't think I feel the same animosity that you do, but at the same time I don't think its wrong of you to remember something you enjoyed when doing that.


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## COguy (Dec 1, 2011)

Making it harder is knowing that at any time I could pick up the phone and have pretty decent, wild, crazy sex with her.

I wouldn't do this, financial reasons being the most obvious right now (it would mean she gets alimony).

But after the divorce, I'm pretty sure I could get a threeway going with her and one of her friends. I go back and forth in my brain between wanting to do that thing which I always wanted to but was completely forbidden (and a bad idea for a marriage), and not wanting to use people for sex.

When we did the booty call thing before I found out she was a lying *****, I felt really bad about it afterwards. Using people for sex just isn't my style, even though pre-ejaculation it's a major turn on.


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## lulubelle (Jun 28, 2012)

so, not a guy, but i'm very sexual. i too only think about my x. i've tried to think about other guys, but it doesn't really work or it takes longer! i still do love him, and (obviously) he still turns me on. you shouldn't feel guilty no matter who you think about it.


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## thunderstruck (May 9, 2012)

Runs like Dog said:


> Did she have a breast reduction? Or just lose a lot of weight?


She does look a little different. Months ago, I was fixing breakfast with Robin on in the background. Wifey walks by...

W: You know those are fake, right?
Me: Huh? 
W: Don't act stupid. Look how big they are on her little body.
Me: (Abort, abort, this conversation is not good!) Um...okay, if you think so.
W: Jeez, WTH is wrong with you? Can't you see they're fake!
Me: Um, no, never thought about it. 
W: I can't believe you! I'm going to look it up on the net.

I decided to STFU.


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## cmartinho (Jul 18, 2012)

thunderstruck said:


> I decided to STFU.


Wiser words have never been spoken. But, hey, what's hotter than your wife looking up boobs in the net?


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## lulubelle (Jun 28, 2012)

just because she's small framed, doesn't mean they're fake! even when i was at my thinnest (size 2/4) i had 36 D boobs.


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## thunderstruck (May 9, 2012)

cmartinho said:


> Wiser words have never been spoken. But, hey, what's hotter than your wife looking up b**bs in the net?


Heh. Never thought of it that way. I need to work on that.



lulubelle said:


> just because she's small framed, doesn't mean they're fake! even when i was at my thinnest (size 2/4) i had 36 D b**bs.


Oh, I know, and I've had a couple of ex-gf's like that. Still, it didn't seem to be the proper reply to my W at the time.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

A guy who doesn't WANT to look at porn?! The earths axis must have just tilted 

Are you averse to reading Forum magazine? I love Forum and so does hubby.


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## COguy (Dec 1, 2011)

Hope1964 said:


> A guy who doesn't WANT to look at porn?! The earths axis must have just tilted
> 
> Are you averse to reading Forum magazine? I love Forum and so does hubby.


"Want" is a loaded word. My pecker would love it, but as mentioned, I have this strict moral/ethical code for myself so I try to call the shots.

If Mr. PeePee had his way I'd be whoring more than my wife right now. I'm more interested in keeping my character and integrity than getting off though. Sometimes I lose the battle but I think I've done a decent job for myself.


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