# Pls help me out !



## Loves2hard (Jun 27, 2012)

I have a problem! I am LD and Im not into any type of sex during my period. If me and the hubby don't have sex for 1 week he starts to close up ! be irritable and all that. When he goes months on in with out taking care of my needs, I don't do that ! Like my Goodness I could see if it was months. I don't like the person he becomes when sex isn't there. Like WOW if you need sex to feel wanted and love, in 1 week did everything I've done for you just go out the window?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

curious0 said:


> I have a problem! I am LD and Im not into any type of sex during my period. If me and the hubby don't have sex for 1 week he starts to close up ! be irritable and all that. When he goes months on in with out taking care of my needs, I don't do that ! Like my Goodness I could see if it was months. I don't like the person he becomes when sex isn't there. Like WOW if you need sex to feel wanted and love, in 1 week did everything I've done for you just go out the window?


How long have the two of you been married?

HOw old are the two of you?


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## bkaydezz (Jul 9, 2012)

are you not taking care of him in other ways?
who doesnt get irritable when they go days without sex!!!! much less a week?
i know i do, both hands raised!!!!!

and men do need sex to feel wanted and love, that is how they connect with you emotionally! women seek out the emotional part first then give the physicall. its the oppostie with men! 

you cant compare other things that you do in your life to sex! your sex life is...well, your sex life!!!


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

curious0 said:


> I have a problem! I am LD and Im not into any type of sex during my period. If me and the hubby don't have sex for 1 week he starts to close up ! be irritable and all that. When he goes months on in with out taking care of my needs, I don't do that ! Like my Goodness I could see if it was months. I don't like the person he becomes when sex isn't there. Like WOW if you need sex to feel wanted and love, in 1 week did everything I've done for you just go out the window?


You don’t understand men very well do you?

Men express their emotional connection through the physical connection of sex. A lot of women do as well. And him being HD makes it even more important for him… for him and for men and 
So like WOW, just because you are wired differently than a lot of people does not mean that there is something wrong with him. There is also nothing wrong with you as many people are wired like you are. 

Your marriage would benefit from you learning to accept him for who he is and love him for that. He is who he is. It sounds like he needs to learn to accept you for who you are as well.

You are both doing similar things. He gets closed up and irritable if he does not get sex is a week… he feels unwanted and unloved. 

And in the SAME MANNER you feel unloved and angry when he does things that make you feel unappreciated. You are both doing the same thing. 

It’s too bad you don’t like sex during your period. It’s better than all the anti PMS drugs out there to get over PMS. I got to where I really wanted sex at that time because it did so much to help me.

Now on the other hand, why are you going months without him taking care of your needs? Tell us about that? That sounds very wrong.

I really suggest that you get the books linked to in my signature block below for building a passionate marriage (passion it not only about sex, it’s about treating each other with love). The books teachs about meeting each other needs and affair proofing your marriage. Sounds like something that the two of you need.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

You're not the only one who doesn't have sex during her period. I don't either. Honestly, the thought of it is gross to my husband, and I'm ok with that. Fortunately, my period only lasts 4-5 days. My husband likes sex too. But he doesn't freak out over one week. I don't use any kind of PMS aid either.  

It's really not that uncommon for men to NOT want sex during that time. I know plenty of men who feel that way. Women too. 

What I do agree with is that there is no excuse for him to NOT be meeting your needs for MONTHS?!?!?! No. That's not right.


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## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

Yeah...i get crabby when i don't regular loving too! So i kinda feel for your hubby.

If he isn't meeting your needs...what are you both doing to remedy this?
Have you read the book His needs Her needs?
It's fab! It will most defintely help you both.

I do hope you hang around here and read as much as you can... especially the posts from the men who feel unloved/not 'desired'.
Some of them will break your heart... 

PS: i don't like messy period sex much either so we have shower sex or I'll pleasure him with a soapy shower handjob or a blowjob.
It takes a few (?) minutes out of my day and brings a smile to his face and makes us closer as a couple...how can that be bad??
I also find the more sex and love he's getting the easier it is to get anything I want... within reason... I don't have a leaky tap or blown light bulb in my house..LOL!!


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## DDC (Jul 16, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> You don’t understand men very well do you?
> 
> Men express their emotional connection through the physical connection of sex. A lot of women do as well. And him being HD makes it even more important for him… for him and for men and
> So like WOW, just because you are wired differently than a lot of people does not mean that there is something wrong with him. There is also nothing wrong with you as many people are wired like you are.
> ...


What a great post. Wish more men and women would read (and think) like this...


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## Loves2hard (Jun 27, 2012)

We have been married for 7 years. I am 30 and he is 36. My periods are really heavy, I don't need to take any PMS medications. I do notice any orgasms during my period prolongs the spotting. Yes i am HD during, but usually will pleasure myself during this time. I understand that men feel love and emotional by having sex. But 1week should not bring down that high! My husband can go weeks without satisfying my emotional need or making me feel loved. Sex is more of a physical feeling for me, so i don't look for that high! Yes I enjoy it, but its not the first thing on my mind. After sex he gets all joyful and kiddish really playful. He complements me, he is more tuned in to my emotional side. Which seems really fake to me. Since i only see that side after sex. In which, annoys the hell out of me. Because I'm not accustom to this side of him.I can not believe that he can just flip the switch that easy. I don't understand why i wouldn't compare all the things i do for him or how i treat him, to our sex life. So in order for me to get my love language i first need to satisfy him sexually, even when I'm not getting it normally unless he switches the switch? I don't equate love from sex!


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## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

I won't go into who is right or wrong in regards to the satisfaction of each others needs. As pertains to how he acts after sex though; Its not fake my dear. I am exactly the same way after sex. its because after sex I feel connected to her but during dry spells it feels like distance is trying to set in. You say you can not beleve he flips the switch that easy? Really? Do you flip your emotional switch concoiously or do certain things and circumstances make you happy, sad, etc? You seem to think this is a decision he makes. FYI dopamine release within the brain is not a concious decision.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Loves2hard (Jun 27, 2012)

I am not totally against it nor, if i was I wouldn't be asking nor seeking advice. I have never seen this type of response before and i grew up with males, and he was not my only partner! I am not here to disregard his feeling or emotions.


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## Loves2hard (Jun 27, 2012)

I'm not keeping score! He works full-time and is in the military part-time. So I carry majority of the weigh anyway with no issue! But try having sex when u feel unloved and unappreciated! I'm constantly reminded how important sex is to him. Losing me in trying to keep up! During my period its a no-go. Pressuring me to do it, isn't healthy and I'm not going to force something that doesn't come natural. 

Sex is suppose to be mental and physical right? I'm suppose to enjoy it right? Well how does one do that without the mental? 

Physical isn't enough to keep me going back! But mental is! Does anyone understand that?


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## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

the world would be such a better place if loved ones learned to scrifice for each others happiness.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

curious0 said:


> We have been married for 7 years. I am 30 and he is 36. My periods are really heavy, I don't need to take any PMS medications. I do notice any orgasms during my period prolongs the spotting. Yes i am HD during, but usually will pleasure myself during this time. I understand that men feel love and emotional by having sex. But 1week should not bring down that high! My husband can go weeks without satisfying my emotional need or making me feel loved. Sex is more of a physical feeling for me, so i don't look for that high! Yes I enjoy it, but its not the first thing on my mind. After sex he gets all joyful and kiddish really playful. He complements me, he is more tuned in to my emotional side. Which seems really fake to me. Since i only see that side after sex. In which, annoys the hell out of me. Because I'm not accustom to this side of him.I can not believe that he can just flip the switch that easy. I don't understand why i wouldn't compare all the things i do for him or how i treat him, to our sex life. So in order for me to get my love language i first need to satisfy him sexually, even when I'm not getting it normally unless he switches the switch? I don't equate love from sex!


He is like that after sex because sex causes all kind of good brain chemicals to be produced. There are brain chemicals that make a person feel more love for their partner, that make the person feel better about themselves and life in general. It's not fake. It's what sex does for him and for many people. And it's why sex is a necessary (and wonderful) part of marriage.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

curious0 said:


> I'm not keeping score! He works full-time and is in the military part-time. So I carry majority of the weigh anyway with no issue! But try having sex when u feel unloved and unappreciated! I'm constantly reminded how important sex is to him. Losing me in trying to keep up! During my period its a no-go. Pressuring me to do it, isn't healthy and I'm not going to force something that doesn't come natural.
> 
> Sex is suppose to be mental and physical right? I'm suppose to enjoy it right? Well how does one do that without the mental?
> 
> Physical isn't enough to keep me going back! But mental is! Does anyone understand that?


Of course we understand that. That's why I suggested to you that you read the books linked to in my signature block below.. "His Needs, Her Needs" in particular. 

Your marriage has some very big issues. They need to be delt with. The book goes into details on how to work on these issues.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

You know, I was going by your first post, saying that you don't like sex during your period and he can wait a week, etc. You pleasure yourself during that week, tho. Which means you DO like some form of sex during that week. One thing my husband and I have agreed to, wrt sex during that week, is that if he wants a BJ on any of those 4-5 days, he gets one. In our minds, sex is sex...doesn't matter if it's vaginal, oral, manual, or anal. It's still sex. So.... why can't HE do that for you instead of doing it yourself? And, why can't you pleasure HIM the same way?

Look, I get that you don't feel loved the way he does with sex. You feel it with the emotional connection from other things. I feel it with acts of service. Guess what? I don't get that met every single day. But I appreciate it when I DO get it. I don't keep score. The thing is, I love sex too. It seems, lately, that I am the one pursuing, not him. But after NOT initiating much over the last three years, I'm ok with being the aggressor. 

The bottom line tho, you know how he feels about sex. You don't want to meet that need for him that one week. You don't have to. But he has every right to be upset that you DON'T. Just as you have every right to be upset that HE doesn't meet YOUR needs. But, I think it sends a powerful message to him that you will pleasure yourself rather than let him do it... You gave the impression that you want NOTHING to do with sex at all during that time... and that's not true at all.....


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## Drover (Jun 11, 2012)

curious0 said:


> I have a problem! I am LD and Im not into any type of sex during my period. If me and the hubby don't have sex for 1 week he starts to close up ! be irritable and all that. When he goes months on in with out taking care of my needs, I don't do that ! Like my Goodness I could see if it was months. I don't like the person he becomes when sex isn't there. *Like WOW if you need sex to feel wanted and love, in 1 week did everything I've done for you just go out the window?*


Yes. This is how many if not most men are. And just because you're not made that way is not a reason to minimize his needs. On the other hand, talk to him about the way you feel on your period in a loving way, without minimizing his needs and explain that you do want to meet his needs when you're feeling up to it and he'll probably be okay with that.


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

waiwera said:


> I also find the more sex and love he's getting the easier it is to get anything I want... within reason... I don't have a leaky tap or blown light bulb in my house..LOL!!


This. As I said in another post, a man would literally move a mountain for his woman if he was happy sexually. For many men it is the greatest need of all in a relationship outside of basics (food, shelter, etc). I know for my fiancee if she would keep me happy there I would do almost anything she asked without hesitation.



curious0 said:


> I understand that men feel love and emotional by having sex. But 1week should not bring down that high! My husband can go weeks without satisfying my emotional need or making me feel loved.


And how long is it when you husband isn't satifying your emotional needs and making you feel loved before you lose your 'high.' I doubt you can go months without feeling upset, hurt, etc. that he isn't satisfying your needs. 



curious0 said:


> Sex is more of a physical feeling for me, so i don't look for that high!


So your husband should either, just cause you don't? You posted asking about your husband and the impact of sex on him, not you. Stay on topic, stop comparing him to you.



curious0 said:


> Yes I enjoy it, but its not the first thing on my mind.


Once again, you aren't him. The first thing on your mind could be getting a hug, going for a drive, or buying teacups for all we know. I doubt very much that your husband thinks of these things first either, does that matter? If sex is the biggest thing to him, pay attention to that, not be upset about it.



curious0 said:


> After sex he gets all joyful and kiddish really playful. He complements me, he is more tuned in to my emotional side. Which seems really fake to me. Since i only see that side after sex.


So he gets the need which is most prominent on his brain satisfied and then you think his reaction is fake to you?

Think of it like this. You are having a bad or blah type of day. Your husband comes home and brings you a present or some flowers or whatever out of the blue. You are now happy and smiling and giving him a kiss and saying thank you and genuinely pleased. Is that fake because he only got to see that after bringing you some flowers? How do you expect him to react after getting sex? Should he continue to mope around the house? The guy just got laid, and he's not supposed to be happy and showering you with kisses?



curious0 said:


> In which, annoys the hell out of me. Because I'm not accustom to this side of him.I can not believe that he can just flip the switch that easy.


If you honestly think men just 'flip a switch' after sex, you should really do some heavy ready on the scientic studies on what sex does for a man, physically, pycholocigally, emotionally, etc. Sex has one of the biggest positive impacts on a man's life in general. It's not a sitch being flipped, it's more like getting a fix from a drug your body NEEDS.



curious0 said:


> I don't understand why i wouldn't compare all the things i do for him or how i treat him, to our sex life.


Because that's not what a helathy marriage does? It's a marriage, not a baseball game, so get rid of the scorecard.



curious0 said:


> So in order for me to get my love language i first need to satisfy him sexually, even when I'm not getting it normally unless he switches the switch? I don't equate love from sex!


He doesn't equate working to love either, should he quit working?

Just because you don't equate love and sex doesn't men he doesn't. I'm not saying he shouldn't satisfy your love langauge, but you shouldn't belittle his either, which you have done repeatedly in this post. Additionally, so what if you have to give to get, that's what a marriage is about. Why be so concerned with who goes first, as long as you both get what you need in the end.



curious0 said:


> I'm not keeping score!


Yes you are.



curious0 said:


> He works full-time and is in the military part-time. So I carry majority of the weigh anyway with no issue!


Since when is a full-time and a part-time job not carrying a lot of weight? You may carry a lot of weight at home, but he's working (I assume) 60 hours a week. That's a lot of weight. I find it very odd how you can dismiss this.



curious0 said:


> But try having sex when u feel unloved and unappreciated!


Then don't. Explain to him what you need (which you really haven't said what it is he ISN'T doing for you) and that a fair trade off is you'll make more of an effort to meet his need (sex) if he'll met more of yours. But be fair, both to you and to him, in terms of what you are asking for.



curious0 said:


> I'm constantly reminded how important sex is to him. Losing me in trying to keep up!


Don't let it lose you. You need to remember, he's reminding you of what he needs more. We are all like that, we harp about what we need, but rarely praise what we have. 



curious0 said:


> During my period its a no-go. Pressuring me to do it, isn't healthy and I'm not going to force something that doesn't come natural.


What about compromising and doing something for him while on your period, like oral?



curious0 said:


> Sex is suppose to be mental and physical right? I'm suppose to enjoy it right? Well how does one do that without the mental?


This is overplayed regrading sex a lot. Yes sex is mental and physical, but so is virtually everything else in a marriage. I can guarantee you that if my sexual needs were constantly met, I'd likely skip and sing a little hum if one day my fiancee asked me to do a mountain of laundry. If you are mentally in a right place, everything physically that your spouse asks you to do not only stops being a huge chore, it actually becomes a pleasure, at least for me. I view it not as a chore but an opportunity to show my fiancee how awesome she is and how awesome she makes me feel.



curious0 said:


> Physical isn't enough to keep me going back! But mental is! Does anyone understand that?


Everyone here does. That's why we are here.


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## bkaydezz (Jul 9, 2012)

curious0 said:


> I'm not keeping score! He works full-time and is in the military part-time. So I carry majority of the weigh anyway with no issue! But try having sex when u feel unloved and unappreciated! I'm constantly reminded how important sex is to him. Losing me in trying to keep up! During my period its a no-go. Pressuring me to do it, isn't healthy and I'm not going to force something that doesn't come natural.
> 
> Sex is suppose to be mental and physical right? I'm suppose to enjoy it right? Well how does one do that without the mental?
> 
> Physical isn't enough to keep me going back! But mental is! Does anyone understand that?


I understand that period issue.
if you are heavy and uncomfortable then dont do it!
If you feel grossed out when yo uhave tried then thats not an issue. as it also makes me feels nasty because i bleed very heavily too. 
If you wont let him have sex with you during that time, satisfy him in other ways.
He needs it. Men need it. Women need it.
He is a military man!!!!! That has said it all. They face so many things and sex is definately a great response for release!
Sex is connected mentally. The emotional is absent because like i said men need sex in order to feel loved. and women are the opposite. If you give him that, he will give you in return.


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## Loves2hard (Jun 27, 2012)

Stonewall- I agree that the world would be a better place, if we did as well.

EleGirl- Like I said I grew up with men, and have been with other men in my life and I have never seem the response that I get from my husband. I will be reading more about this, because I do want to make sure I am able to receive what my husband is giving off. And to know that he is being Genuine. All this is new to me.

Maricha75- Yes my first post is about not wanting to have sex during my period. I do feel he can wait a week. I may only pleasure once during the whole 7 days. I don't look for the emotional connection every day from him, I don't even look for it 2-4 times a week. I feel that we should already be connected. He doesn't have to take me out once a week or buy me flowers. ETC ETC But with sex I am learning through these forums that it needs to be some many time within a week to be healthy. Yes I am learning how important sex is to him and has been making great progress to have more sex with him. I went from once a month to twice a week and I have been initiating, something I didn't do. We have went through a dry spell because I didn't initiate. I have always told him if he wanted to sex if he started it, we would have it. I didn't understand why he was needing me to start if off as much, before I started reading TAM. But since then I have been working on it. 

With me pleasuring myself, he masturbates and I don't mind that he does nor care if I'm not involved I understand its just a thing men do. I don't understand why he needs to be part of my sessions all the time?

KingsFan- I didn't understand how my husband would never deny me anything after sex. I could be like honey I need this or that and he would be like sure go ahead. But when he is sexually frustrated asking him for anything goes unanswered. I thought it was kind of f***K but i got over it..LOL 

As for how long I go be when my needs are met before I lose my high, well sad to say it was so much that i just adapted. I just lost myself all together. I just went with the motions. He would tell me that the things I wanted and needed him to do didn't come natural and that he would work on it. He would make the progress, but the second sex was as frequent. Well that progress went back to his comfort zone. Like he is only willing to progress as long as the sex is healthy. As if the sex is what motivates him.

As far as staying on topic, when I am asked I answer the question the best way I can. If I can explain it with using myself as an example then I will. don't be some mean about it. My focus is still the topic.

I am not upset that sex is the biggest thing on his mind. I get that, what i didn't understand is all the negative emotions and the overall personality change from lack of.

He doesn't bring me stuff nor buy me flowers. I am a happy person upbeat and all so I'm always cheery unless he does something to piss me off like belittle me, or under estimate me. which I didn't think lack of sex was doing to him. 

It seems like a switch because again after living with men and being with other men. I have never met another guy like my husband. I have talk to other men in my family and ex's about sex and none as every been able to give me the insight or advice until i started on TAM.

No one is keeping score. 

I am not dismissing what my husband does. I am proud of him and I tell him that and I know what he does. I have never not once said that what he does nor what he feel is wrong. I don't understand a lot of it and again that is why I am asking the questions . I notice that we you ask a question on here people are quick to think you are belittle and throwing him away. I am here because I want to be a better WIFE to him, and UNDERSTAND him better. He is not able to put his feelings out there like some of the folks here.

I tired withholding sex until he was meeting my needs but i didn't like the man he was becoming and I hated seeing him that way so i started reaching out trying to find out what I need to do and started search deep, because he is a damn good husband. I just don't like the flip of the switch demeanor.

He can't just be satisfied with oral then he sad because he wasn't able to pleasure me !

Drover- I am not minimizing his needs on purpose I don't understand them, hints the reason I am here. I believe TAM is like reading the books suggested or even better because its real life.

Thank you everyone who is responding, I am understanding more and more everyday, and trust me the hubby has been benefiting from TAM. 

I am a work in progress.....


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

curious0 said:


> KingsFan- I didn't understand how my husband would never deny me anything after sex. I could be like honey I need this or that and he would be like sure go ahead. But when he is sexually frustrated asking him for anything goes unanswered. I thought it was kind of f***K but i got over it..LOL


I'll just focus on what you replied to me here, and leave the other comments to other people.

The above quote, I think you take this as a bad thing, or maybe a wrong thing. I'd view it as a signal. If he does a lot of the things you want when sex is good, but not so much when it isn't, it seems pretty obvious that sex is important to him and is a main motivator in his life. And that's fine. You don't have to agree with it, just like I don't have to agree with my fiancees insistance on watching several TV shows each year like the Bachelor and Survivor. I can't stand those shows, but so what. She does like them, it's not hurting anyone, so why make an issue of it? Instead, I try to pay attention enough to sort of follow along (so maybe watch the last ten minutes of each show which is when all the drama really is anyways) and show her I'm taking a bit of an interest in something she does.

Likewise, sex for him is the same thing. You don't have to understand why it is so important, and odds are, you never will either. He's a man, you aren't. Just because you can get over something doesn't mean he can, or even he should. Really, saying "I got over it" implies you are keeping score.



curious0 said:


> As for how long I go be when my needs are met before I lose my high, well sad to say it was so much that i just adapted. I just lost myself all together. I just went with the motions. He would tell me that the things I wanted and needed him to do didn't come natural and that he would work on it. He would make the progress, but the second sex was as frequent. Well that progress went back to his comfort zone. Like he is only willing to progress as long as the sex is healthy.


And that's where he's not being fair. It will likely take a few tries, but each time you see a drop off in his efforts, point it out to him and if he still doesn't change, point it out again and add that you may have to start dropping your efforts as well. Don't do it in a tit for tat sort of way, but point out that you are making the effort for him (sexually) and he needs to make the effort back (in whatever it is you are needing him to provide).



curious0 said:


> As if the sex is what motivates him.


Odds are, it is what motivates him, at least to a large extent. Once again, look at this in a positive way, at least you know what motivates your husband to a more positive plane. Use this to to keep him up and to get what you need as well. A marriage is all about both spouses meeting the needs of the other.



curious0 said:


> As far as staying on topic, when I am asked I answer the question the best way I can. If I can explain it with using myself as an example then I will. don't be some mean about it. My focus is still the topic.


Not trying to be mean, so sorry if you took it take way. That said, don't use yourself as an example when comparing to his needs. He's not you. If he was you, there likely wouldn't be an issue as you'd be in sync. There's not basis for comparision between you and him.



curious0 said:


> I am not upset that sex is the biggest thing on his mind. I get that, what i didn't understand is all the negative emotions and the overall personality change from lack of.


It's hard to explain, even for a guy. I have no idea what your needs are as you haven't really expressed them here, but pick whatever your biggest need is. Say it's getting a hug. Imagine how you'd feel if he said to you that he can't hug you this week in any shape or form. Even if he had a valid reason, it's still hard to take as you NEED that hug. Now, add in the fact that the only person in the entire world that can give you that hug is him. No one else. Not a friend, family memebr, next door neighbour, person at work, no one. Only him and you'll have to wait a week for it. It really begins to feel like an addiction, only in this case your drug dealer is walking around the room with you with a fix right in his pocket, but won't let you have it. 



curious0 said:


> He doesn't bring me stuff nor buy me flowers. I am a happy person upbeat and all so I'm always cheery unless he does something to piss me off like belittle me, or under estimate me. which I didn't think lack of sex was doing to him.


The flowers and your mood were an example only, not literal, and once again, you aren't him. As for what the lack of sex is doing to him, only he can say for sure, so you'll have to ask him. My point was, his reaction to sex is not fake.



curious0 said:


> It seems like a switch because again after living with men and being with other men. I have never met another guy like my husband. I have talk to other men in my family and ex's about sex and none as every been able to give me the insight or advice until i started on TAM.


You'd have to explain these other men, because unless you were in a serious, committed, sexual relationship with them, it's rather moot. Hving sex with a guy for a few months for example is not the same as being with a man for several years and being married to him. The level of emotional satisfaction through sex increases in men (at least until an older age, and even them not always the case), as the relationship progresses if the emotional attachment to the woman also increases. 



curious0 said:


> I am not dismissing what my husband does. I am proud of him and I tell him that and I know what he does. I have never not once said that what he does nor what he feel is wrong. I don't understand a lot of it and again that is why I am asking the questions . I notice that we you ask a question on here people are quick to think you are belittle and throwing him away. I am here because I want to be a better WIFE to him, and UNDERSTAND him better. He is not able to put his feelings out there like some of the folks here.


And this is the right attitude. When you say he works so I do all the heavy lifting, it definately does not come across as you giving his contribution a fair shake.



curious0 said:


> I tired withholding sex until he was meeting my needs...


Rarely does this work.



curious0 said:


> I just don't like the flip of the switch demeanor.


I'd bet, neither does he. I have somewhat of the same issue (hopefully not as bad as what you describe your husband as having) and I don't like how I am at times either. That said, I don't always realize how I am. My fiancee says I feel distant at times, which makes me chuckle a bit inside because that's exactly what I feel from her when she says 'no' to me. Even though I know she says no simply cause she doesn't want to rather that withholdding from me, it still makes me feel like she is distancing herself from me. So maybe subconciously, I distance myself from her. It's actually a very normal human reaction to rejection, to pull away from the area you feel rejected from. 



curious0 said:


> He can't just be satisfied with oral then he sad because he wasn't able to pleasure me !


This falls back on his plate. If you are saying no sex due to your period (which is an understandable reason for a woman) than he needs to meet you half ways here. If he only wants sex, and isn't willing to come halfways and settle for oral/something else for a week, then he needs to deal with that issue and overcome it because that's not being very compromising.


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## Loves2hard (Jun 27, 2012)

Well thanks kingsfan for taking the time to help me


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## Paulination (Feb 6, 2012)

curious0 said:


> But 1week should not bring down that high!


If the week you speak of is during your period, just give him a BJ and be done with it. You would probably be done with it quicker than it takes you to b!tch about it.


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## Loves2hard (Jun 27, 2012)

Thats not pleasing enough for him ! He doesn't like to just receive.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

My wife once had me make love with her during her period. Yes, it was messy, but OMG!!!!!!!!!!


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## Loves2hard (Jun 27, 2012)

Yeah, i can understand how awwesome it could be, but its not my thing and i dont like how it prolongs the bleeding. I read some where that it help to bring the blood down. That was not true for me.


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

curious0 said:


> Well thanks kingsfan for taking the time to help me


Anytime, that's what this board is for. I hope things work out and if they do, come back and let us know. We need some good stories to go along with the ocean full of bad ones we read around here!


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## MrsOldNews (Feb 22, 2012)

curious0 said:


> It seems like a switch because again after living with men and being with other men. I have never met another guy like my husband. I have talk to other men in my family and ex's about sex and none as every been able to give me the insight or advice until i started on TAM.
> .....


My stbxh used to justify punching holes in the wall when he was angry by telling me all his friends did it so it's the norm.

How does this apply to you? You think because a few men told you they don't think the same way as your husband regarding sex then it must be the norm? Really flawed logic huh?

I've had quite a lot of male friends my whole life. And let me tell you, it was very obvious to me they were in a great mood when getting some on the reg. Heck it brightens my whole world view for a bit after an awesome sex session 
I think it's great you're coming here trying to understand where your husband is coming from and trying to fix the issue. I know if I was only getting it once a week, I'd be one cranky b****.


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## Loves2hard (Jun 27, 2012)

Yeah well its 9-1 really as far men i know but yes my overall goal is to understand the man i am married to now!


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

i just dont understand the mindset. you say you like sex but you are resistent to participate in it with the man who committed his life to you until he forks over what you need. damnit, you like it and admit he is more to your liking afterwards. you should be doing it with him every chance you get, or are you using it to get what you want?


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## Loves2hard (Jun 27, 2012)

I dont use sex to get what I want at all. its not a bargaining tool. I enjoy sex during the Act but if my H wants me to initiate, and I have an issue with that specially if I go throughout weeks feeling undesirable by my husband, which sex does not fulfill desire for me. 

so I just should keep having sex filling like sh*t majority of the time and be a limp noodle? 

So since he committed his self to me, but only wants Sex and doesnt want to do all the other things that husband are suppose to do for his wife, i should just keeping having great sex and forget about all the other contractual things???


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## momtwo4 (May 23, 2012)

My husband and I don't have sex during my period either. I know some people do, but it's not for either of us. I can see why you would be frustrated if you and your husband disagree on this. I don't think you should feel guilty or pressured into having sex when you are just not comfortable doing it.

If your husband wants sexual release during that time frame, he needs to be open to a HJ (or a BJ if you are comfortable with that). If that is not enough for him and he chooses to be unhappy or resentful about it, that is HIS choice. By offering a HJ or BJ, you have compromised on the issue.


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## Loves2hard (Jun 27, 2012)

Hj suck but BJ i can get down with... My hand gets tired...LOL


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## ukv (Jul 6, 2012)

waiwera said:


> Yeah...i get crabby when i don't regular loving too! So i kinda feel for your hubby.
> 
> If he isn't meeting your needs...what are you both doing to remedy this?
> Have you read the book His needs Her needs?
> ...


I wish such common sense would prevail to some of the wives like me out there.... half the problems in teh world might be over....


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

curious0 said:


> I dont use sex to get what I want at all. its not a bargaining tool. I enjoy sex during the Act but if my H wants me to initiate, and I have an issue with that specially if I go throughout weeks feeling undesirable by my husband, which sex does not fulfill desire for me.
> 
> so I just should keep having sex filling like sh*t majority of the time and be a limp noodle?
> 
> So since he committed his self to me, but only wants Sex and doesnt want to do all the other things that husband are suppose to do for his wife, i should just keeping having great sex and forget about all the other contractual things???


Two wrongs don't make a right. Starting to withold sex because your husband didn't do whatever it is youa re referring to won't fix the problem.

I understand not wanting to have sex in that case, but the problem you have isn't the sex itself, it's your husband not holding up his end of the bargain. Address that, talk to him and explain to him that he isn't doing what he needs to do. If he won't fix the issue, then you'll need to address it even further. It may be something you leave over eventually. But it in and of itself isn't connected to sex or anything you do for him.

Getting into tit for tats will only make the problem grow.


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## marriedfor27years (Oct 29, 2009)

If you see it as I do for you and then you do for me then you have it wrong. what would happen if he did not talk to you for a week or kept his pay check for a week. You are who you are and he is who he is. He expresses his love to you and feels your love to him via sex. you express your love for him and you feel his love for you differantly. just because you are on your period does not mean you can not express your love to him physically. Hands, breasts, take a shower together, there are lots of ways. what he is thinking is if she loved me she would try. if you thought he was not trying or making an effort to work, pay the bills, comunitation with you that would make you made too.


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## Loves2hard (Jun 27, 2012)

marriedfor27years said:


> If you see it as I do for you and then you do for me then you have it wrong. what would happen if he did not talk to you for a week or kept his pay check for a week. You are who you are and he is who he is. He expresses his love to you and feels your love to him via sex. you express your love for him and you feel his love for you differantly. just because you are on your period does not mean you can not express your love to him physically. Hands, breasts, take a shower together, there are lots of ways. what he is thinking is if she loved me she would try. if you thought he was not trying or making an effort to work, pay the bills, comunitation with you that would make you made too.


Being that i can carry my lively hood him holding his check and all that is fine with me ! Thats not my love language so i could care less and my reasons for holding sex isnt to get back at him and sex doesn't fix everything. You can not be upset with a person and expect sex to fix the problem


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