# OOH - The key to a successful marriage?



## Janie (Apr 10, 2010)

What if all communication, verbal & non-verbal was based on...

*Oneness* - all actions are designed to promote oneness, with the lowest requirement being any actions that work against oneness should be avoided.

*Openness* - Open in all things. Open heart, open mind, open body, open soul. And open eyes - to be able to see the other.
*
Honesty* - Honesty in all things - big & small. Complete trust that nothing is hidden or a lie. Willingness to bare oneself to your spouse.

♦♦♦♦ ♦♦♦♦ ♦♦♦♦ ♦♦♦♦ ♦♦♦♦

Are these the keys to a successful marriage? 

What am I missing...?


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## DjF (Nov 24, 2010)

Committment--to always work on the 3 keys you've mentioned...and not to run at the first sign of a bump...


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## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

Janie said:


> What if all communication, verbal & non-verbal was based on...
> 
> *Oneness* - all actions are designed to promote oneness, with the lowest requirement being any actions that work against oneness should be avoided.
> 
> ...


Hey Janie.

Those 3 things you have mentioned would help lead to a successful marriage, yes.

But, there is also a need for individuality within a marriage, or even a relationship.

That individuality cannot happen without trust.

Honesty would seem like a good avenue to trust, because once someone is no longer honest, the trust goes away.

There needs to be a level of transparency in a marriage, like you said, openness and honesty. Because being stressed out all the time about the others actions, when you don't get a dissected play by play .. is just too much on a regular basis.


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## Janie (Apr 10, 2010)

UpnOver said:


> Because being stressed out all the time about the others actions, when you don't get a dissected play by play .. is just too much on a regular basis.


Dissected play by play - I can see the line you're drawing. I think with overall openness & honesty, play by play would never be necessary.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Where does being overtly mean factor in?


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## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

Janie said:


> Dissected play by play - I can see the line you're drawing. I think with overall openness & honesty, play by play would never be necessary.


Yeah, exactly.

And who wants to have to come home after a good night and then sit there for 20 minutes giving details about everything that was said or done?


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## Janie (Apr 10, 2010)

DjF said:


> Committment--to always work on the 3 keys you've mentioned...and not to run at the first sign of a bump...


Commitment - definitely.

Commitment to communicate during all bumps. I believe communication is the key to navigating the bumps. If two people love each other, any hurt feelings are more likely a misunderstanding or an oversight. Open & honest communication clears up those issues very quickly.

Otherwise the hurt feelings are left to fester into an open, infected wound - much more difficult to treat.


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## Janie (Apr 10, 2010)

Conrad said:


> Where does being overtly mean factor in?


Conrad,

Please don't dog me here. I'm not your adversary.

If you have anything to say, you know where to find me.

Otherwise, consider me just another lost & lonely poster.


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## SoVeryLost (May 14, 2012)

And where exactly does respect factor in?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

Janie said:


> Commitment - definitely.
> 
> Commitment to communicate during all bumps. I believe communication is the key to navigating the bumps. *If two people love each other, any hurt feelings are more likely a misunderstanding or an oversight*. Open & honest communication clears up those issues very quickly.
> 
> Otherwise the hurt feelings are left to fester into an open, infected wound - much more difficult to treat.


I do not believe that is true.

Hurt feelings can be caused by ones carelessness and selfish actions given the situation.

To think that every person can *always* act within the 'proper' guidelines isn't realistic.

BUT, with that being said, there are extreme behaviors that go above and beyond a simple "I'm sorry".

Where owning it is required and true remorse must be shown to overcome the problem.

Then again, both parties should consent to a 'moral guideline' of sorts so those issues do not keep popping up.


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## Janie (Apr 10, 2010)

SoVeryLost said:


> And where exactly does respect factor in?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Respect would be factored in throughout. If your actions are committed to oneness, openness & honesty - wouldn't respect be built in? 

The actions involved with committing to these 3 tenets require valuing ones' spouse & marriage above all else. I would think the respect would be abundant...


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## cantmove (Feb 20, 2012)

I'm all for the 2nd two things. However, not the oneness. We are individuals and should nurture that. We should respect each other for our differences. I also think transparency does belong in a marriage. Trust doesn't alleviate that fact. I should be able to trust that my spouse is going to come home and tell me about his day and where he was or who he was with. Not because I'm suspicious but because a couple tells each other these things willingly.


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## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

Janie said:


> Respect would be factored in throughout. If your actions are committed to oneness, openness & honesty - wouldn't respect be built in?
> 
> The actions involved with committing to these 3 tenets require valuing ones' spouse & marriage above all else. I would think the respect would be abundant...


Respect cannot just be obtained through the actions directly related to the marriage though.

Individuality, what makes you .. you, is also something that must be respected.

That's where the loop of continuous disrespect will start.

Without respecting the person as an individual first, there is no way to govern the respect within the marriage.


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## Janie (Apr 10, 2010)

UpnOver said:


> I do not believe that is true.
> 
> Hurt feelings can be caused by ones carelessness and selfish actions given the situation.
> 
> ...


A person's human frailty (including our instinctive selfish motives) would have to be factored in. Nobody can perfectly adhere to a set of guidelines, we are destined to fail.

But at the point when we fail - when we hit the speed bump - what is the solution? 

In my mind, all roads lead to oneness, openness & honesty.

If hurt feelings are met with conversation rather than continuing dysfunction, and the conversation is based on these three things, the core of the issue can be identified and worked on. And everyone's dignity can remain intact.

Otherwise, resentment & pain cause more dysfunction and tear away at oneness leading to much bigger problems.


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## SoVeryLost (May 14, 2012)

Maybe no one else is thinking it, but I am, so I'm just going to come out and ask it.

What's going on here? What was the motivation for the creation of this thread? Dying of curiousity over here.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

cantmove said:


> I'm all for the 2nd two things. However, not the oneness. We are individuals and should nurture that. We should respect each other for our differences. I also think transparency does belong in a marriage. Trust doesn't alleviate that fact. I should be able to trust that my spouse is going to come home and tell me about his day and where he was or who he was with. Not because I'm suspicious but because a couple tells each other these things willingly.


Yes, but there needs to be a 'stop' point.

If I come home after a night out with the boys, get into bed and you ask me "Hey, how was your night out?"

I respond "Oh it was great (maybe I tell you about a joke or two that was said)".

Then, in the conversation it slips out that lets say .. Bobs girlfriend happened to show up.

Now, would you get upset because there was a woman there, when you were told it was a guys night out?

Do you now feel insulted, or like I was trying to hide the fact that it wasn't just the guys?

So then the questions start flying off the handle, meanwhile, it just so happened that Bobs girlfriend showed up because he forgot to tell her it was guys night.


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## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

SoVeryLost said:


> Maybe no one else is thinking it, but I am, so I'm just going to come out and ask it.
> 
> What's going on here? What was the motivation for the creation of this thread? Dying of curiousity over here.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I thought it as well.

But I'm trying to stay neutral.


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## Janie (Apr 10, 2010)

cantmove said:


> I'm all for the 2nd two things. However, not the oneness. We are individuals and should nurture that. We should respect each other for our differences. I also think transparency does belong in a marriage. Trust doesn't alleviate that fact. I should be able to trust that my spouse is going to come home and tell me about his day and where he was or who he was with. Not because I'm suspicious but because a couple tells each other these things willingly.


Oneness seems to be a concept that I understand differently.

I see oneness as an attempt to consistently work within the scope of the shared vision of the marriage. Actions that work against the shared vision - in any way - should be avoided. 

However, each individual MUST remain a separate individual with separate interests and time away.

If your spouse believed you were acting in a way that supports your marriage - in all your endeavors - completely committed to the shared vision, wouldn't that go a long way toward a solid marriage?


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## Janie (Apr 10, 2010)

SoVeryLost said:


> Maybe no one else is thinking it, but I am, so I'm just going to come out and ask it.
> 
> What's going on here? What was the motivation for the creation of this thread? Dying of curiousity over here.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Interesting question. Not certain why it's so curious...?

These are random mullings of mine. Looking for additional input to help with my thought processes.

I thought this forum was designed for that. Have I missed the point?


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## cantmove (Feb 20, 2012)

Janie said:


> A person's human frailty (including our instinctive selfish motives) would have to be factored in. Nobody can perfectly adhere to a set of guidelines, we are destined to fail.
> 
> But at the point when we fail - when we hit the speed bump - what is the solution?
> 
> ...


Of course we will make mistakes. We are all human. But at some point when the mistakes and the hurt feelings continue the person causing this must make changes to stop the behavior. I'm sorry only works for so long. If I were to hit someone and say I'm sorry once, ok. But if I keep hitting them thinking I can just keep getting away by saying I'm sorry with it well thats a different story. We have to learn from our mistakes and not repeat them or I'm sorry doesn't mean $hit.


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## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

No, you haven't.

But it would be naive of you to think that some members here wouldn't ponder the sudden reappearance of yourself.

Given the things we have read.

At the same time though, I am open for the conversation and will try my best to be as unbiased as I can.


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## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

cantmove said:


> Of course we will make mistakes. We are all human. But at some point when the mistakes and the hurt feelings continue the person causing this must make changes to stop the behavior. I'm sorry only works for so long. If I were to hit someone and say I'm sorry once, ok. But if I keep hitting them thinking I can just keep getting away by saying I'm sorry with it well thats a different story. We have to learn from our mistakes and not repeat them or I'm sorry doesn't mean $hit.


Yup, and that was one of my biggest faults in my marriage.

I thought "I'm Sorry" could fix it all, she stated that fact as well near the end.

Although, I now see the picture differently.


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## cantmove (Feb 20, 2012)

Janie said:


> Oneness seems to be a concept that I understand differently.
> 
> I see oneness as an attempt to consistently work within the scope of the shared vision of the marriage. Actions that work against the shared vision - in any way - should be avoided.
> 
> ...


Yes if my actions and words showed him that he could believe it.


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## Janie (Apr 10, 2010)

UpnOver said:


> No, you haven't.
> 
> But it would be naive of you to think that some members here wouldn't ponder the sudden reappearance of yourself.
> 
> ...


Hmmm. This sounds personal. I'm not sure in what way we've interacted in the past or why you would have a personal bias with me, but I'm just looking for some answers and connection here. If you have an issue we need to work out, please pm me. I'm willing to answer any questions you have.


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## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

Janie said:


> Hmmm. This sounds personal. I'm not sure in what way we've interacted in the past or why you would have a personal bias with me, but I'm just looking for some answers and connection here. If you have an issue we need to work out, please pm me. I'm willing to answer any questions you have.


I'm not interested in jumping into the Hunger Games just yet.

You could have easily tossed bold brackets around the last sentence as well, and expressed your appreciation.

Although, that was not my goal, to write something to gain reactions.

But it is interesting the part you selected.


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## SoVeryLost (May 14, 2012)

Janie I have no doubt you are an extremely intelligent woman. You would have to be to have caught Conrad's attention. I don't know the motivation behind your sudden appearance on this site, but I for one am skeptical of it.

This site is for everyone - you have every right to come and post here and seek support and solace. I'm not trying to say you aren't welcome here to do that, and it wouldn't matter even if I did. I don't own or run this site.

That being said, given the recent events between you and your husband, it strikes me as odd that you would begin a thread touting the key points in a successful marriage. None of us are privvy to the private moments shared in your marriage, nor should we be. However, we have all formed an opinion of you, your husband, and your relationship based upon what we have read here. 

Your husband has helped more people on this forum than likely the pool of counselors most of us have seen combined. I, and I will go out on a limb here and speak for the majority of the members on this section, when I say that we have nothing but the utmost respect for him.

It is well known that you are not supportive of some of his friendships with posters on this site. I am concerned that you are appearing on this site to somehow tarnish his image or put an end to those friendships. Anyone who knows me on this site knows I am not the best with subtlty, so I am sorry if that comes off sounding a bit harsh. I simply don't agree with skating around issues.

This will be the last post I make on this thread, or to you, out of respect to your husband. If you are simply here to seek support - I hope you find it. If you are here for any other reasons, I suggest you stop and think about what you are doing.

I wish both you and Conrad the best.


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## DjF (Nov 24, 2010)

I think all points are valid...all marriages are different, and all marriages are different as they evolve...

oneness may come easy at one point and time while difficult at a later point...as would the need for honesty, openness, respect all evolve...the need for committment would never change...

Commitment means you evolve as you spouse, as you change...jobs change, kids, we grow older, hormones change...committment means we stay the course and evolve....


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## Janie (Apr 10, 2010)

SoVeryLost said:


> Janie I have no doubt you are an extremely intelligent woman. You would have to be to have caught Conrad's attention. I don't know the motivation behind your sudden appearance on this site, but I for one am skeptical of it.
> 
> This site is for everyone - you have every right to come and post here and seek support and solace. I'm not trying to say you aren't welcome here to do that, and it wouldn't matter even if I did. I don't own or run this site.
> 
> ...


Wow - such suspicious minds. It is the common tone here, though.

I haven't in any way commented on, revealed, or tarnished anyone or anything here. I've come to share the wisdom I've learned during my hard times and connect with people who share it. Maybe there is something I'm missing. Something I should learn.

I know this forum was clique-ish, but I certainly didn't expect to be so unwelcome. 

So much talk about respect, yet I am shown so little.

I'd suggest anyone who has a problem with me being here to just avoid my posts & comments. They are not for you. They are for me.

If you have something helpful to say to me, please do. Otherwise, ignore me. Please.


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## cantmove (Feb 20, 2012)

SoVeryLost said:


> Janie I have no doubt you are an extremely intelligent woman. You would have to be to have caught Conrad's attention. I don't know the motivation behind your sudden appearance on this site, but I for one am skeptical of it.
> 
> This site is for everyone - you have every right to come and post here and seek support and solace. I'm not trying to say you aren't welcome here to do that, and it wouldn't matter even if I did. I don't own or run this site.
> 
> ...



:iagree:


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## Janie (Apr 10, 2010)

DjF said:


> I think all points are valid...all marriages are different, and all marriages are different as they evolve...
> 
> oneness may come easy at one point and time while difficult at a later point...as would the need for honesty, openness, respect all evolve...the need for committment would never change...
> 
> Commitment means you evolve as you spouse, as you change...jobs change, kids, we grow older, hormones change...committment means we stay the course and evolve....


Evolution! Everything changes. 

So how do we stay together if it's true that everything changes?

Acceptance?


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## jdlash (Jun 18, 2012)

Janie said:


> Evolution! Everything changes.
> 
> So how do we stay together if it's true that everything changes?
> 
> Acceptance?


The first step is to make a decision. Either commit, or don't. If your commited, then yes acceptance is huge. Even at your best time in your relationship it wasn't perfect. The key is that in the beginning of a marriage, or relationshipo we don't pick each other apart. We love the other individual for who they are.



My W left 7 weeks ago and the biggest thing I struggle with is the lack of commitment. I woould love to hear my W say that she wants to be with me, but she doesn't know how to make our marriage better. I believe with that commitment the rest just takes time and hard work.

Don't forget forgiveness too. It's impossible to move forward into a new and better marriage without forgiveness. This one deffinately won't be easy for me.


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## DjF (Nov 24, 2010)

Janie said:


> Evolution! Everything changes.
> 
> So how do we stay together if it's true that everything changes?
> 
> Acceptance?


Acceptance, maybe...acceptance in something greater than the both of the married couple, probably...

I have no answers Janie, I'm learning like you and everyone else...I've let go of the bitterness that my wife left, held on to hope that she will move back...and worked on improving myself in the mean time...

I think sometimes that is the greatest challenge some have here, threy let go of hope and move on, try to heal, but they hold onto the bitterness caused by their spouse leaving...not healthy in my book...


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## Janie (Apr 10, 2010)

jdlash said:


> Don't forget forgiveness too.


Amen to that.


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## Janie (Apr 10, 2010)

DjF said:


> I have no answers Janie, I'm learning like you and everyone else...I've let go of the bitterness that my wife left, held on to hope that she will move back...and worked on improving myself in the mean time...
> 
> I think sometimes that is the greatest challenge some have here, threy let go of hope and move on, try to heal, but they hold onto the bitterness caused by their spouse leaving...not healthy in my book...


Thanks DjF


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## jdlash (Jun 18, 2012)

Janie said:


> Amen to that.


To me this one is actually the most important part of a long and healthy marriage. My W can tell me pretty much everything I have done wrong in the last 8 years. I don't see what holding on the the past accomplishes personally, but I'm quick to forget. Maybe that's not good either.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

UpnOver said:


> Yup, and that was one of my biggest faults in my marriage.
> 
> I thought "I'm Sorry" could fix it all, she stated that fact as well near the end.
> 
> Although, I now see the picture differently.


I'm sorry can fix it all - if there is commitment to move forward not repeat the action.

A throw away "I'm sorry" where there is no acknowledgement of the elephant stomp - and no sign of remorse?


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## Janie (Apr 10, 2010)

jdlash said:


> To me this one is actually the most important part of a long and healthy marriage. My W can tell me pretty much everything I have done wrong in the last 8 years. I don't see what holding on the the past accomplishes personally, but I'm quick to forget. Maybe that's not good either.


You sound a bit like me (forgetting details).

Forgiveness was something I didn't understand for a very loooong time. I couldn't understand why we should forgive someone & allow them to hurt us again.

I dabbled in Buddhist books for awhile and somehow was able to grasp & actually DO it! I felt so liberated and at peace. Buddha says "You will not be punished FOR your anger, you will be punished BY your anger."

This is the statement I understand the best though: 
*Forgiveness is me giving up the right to hurt you because you hurt me.*

I understand it now and try every day to practice it


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## Janie (Apr 10, 2010)

Conrad said:


> I'm sorry can fix it all - if there is commitment to move forward not repeat the action.
> 
> A throw away "I'm sorry" where there is no acknowledgement of the elephant stomp - and no sign of remorse?


I'm sorry does work - if it's accompanied by actions that support the apology.

No sign of remorse? Then I would reconsider the level of commitment.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Janie said:


> I'm sorry does work - if it's accompanied by actions that support the apology.
> 
> No sign of remorse? Then I would reconsider the level of commitment.


That's what I'm considering.

Do you think hurting someone and then leaving indicates commitment?


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## Janie (Apr 10, 2010)

Conrad said:


> That's what I'm considering.
> 
> Do you think hurting someone and then leaving indicates commitment?


This is not the right venue for this conversation. PM.


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## Orpheus (Jul 6, 2012)

ok. awkward.


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## Janie (Apr 10, 2010)

Sorry about that.


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## coachman (Jan 31, 2012)

Janie said:


> Sorry about that.


Funny, I don't sense any remorse.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

coachman said:


> Funny, I don't sense any remorse.


Coach,

Give her a break. She's hurting too.


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## Janie (Apr 10, 2010)

Wow. It's a gang bang.

I'm trying to keep personal conversation off of here, and I'm being hounded & called insincere? I've stirred up nothing - you all have gotten personal - not me.

I did not want this to get personal. I'm sorry it did. And I'm sorry if anyone was made uncomfortable by it. I've been trying to stop it, but am unable. 

If I'm not remorseful enough for you Coach, you will have to find some way to deal with it.


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## Janie (Apr 10, 2010)

Conrad said:


> Coach,
> 
> Give her a break. She's hurting too.


Thanks Conrad.


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## jdlash (Jun 18, 2012)

We all respect Conrad as he has helped us a great deal. Out of respect for Conrad, the resentment should be held back. Lashing out and giving negative feedback to Janie actually does the opposite of helping Conrad.

Just a thought for those that seem a slight bit angry.


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## Janie (Apr 10, 2010)

Angry. Not sure how I can instill anger & resentment in a bunch of strangers, but I get it. It is consistent and relentless.

Out of respect for Conrad?

This is really not what I came here for. 

Did any of you ever even consider there are 2 sides to any story? You've heard his and you resent me? Wow. 

Peace out.


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## DjF (Nov 24, 2010)

This is an open forum...post away....


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## Janie (Apr 10, 2010)

Thanks DjF.

It may be open, but not very welcoming...

At least for some of us.


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## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

Janie said:


> Angry. Not sure how I can instill anger & resentment in a bunch of strangers, but I get it. It is consistent and relentless.
> 
> Out of respect for Conrad?
> 
> ...


Then why don't you share?


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## DjF (Nov 24, 2010)

I've read many of Conrad's post he seems to be a good man...

What is between you and him is between you and him, not me...I can share my thoughts on his post and yours, in the end I am not sleeping with either one of you...and if you help me so be it, if I can help either of you, so be it...I have no alligience except to myself to become a better person...


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## Janie (Apr 10, 2010)

UpnOver said:


> Then why don't you share?


I'm not here to expose anyone. I was only looking for answers for myself.

As his wife, his secrets stay with me. If I have issues others can help me with or suggestions to offer, I will ask/offer, but keep as much of his personal information out of it. I consider it to be betrayal of a spouse and I have no interest in it.

I have forgiven Conrad for the wrongs he has done to me in the past. It took much for me to be able to get there. We have ongoing issues to deal with and at times the prognosis seems dismal. Other times, it feels like the sky is the limit.

Anyone can be shown to be a real piece of sh!t if worded in the right way. And who better to do that than a spouse because he/she is armed with the most effective & personal information. Any misbehavior can be blown out of proportion to skew objectivity and introduce bias. 

I have no idea what Conrad has written or said about me (I've read some things in the past, once I was compared to a crack ***** - that's when I signed off - until my recent reemergence). Clearly, I have been portrayed as some type of monster - if just my appearance here can raise such emotions in complete strangers - people who have never shared one single word with me.

I came here looking for open, big minds and caring hearts. It is what Conrad has said exists here & why he is so dedicated. While I have experienced much kindness, I'm surprised & saddened by the cold and visceral reaction of others.


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## our vision shattered (May 25, 2012)

janie, i couldn't have made it through what i'm going through with out his advice & dedication to us, i have 0 ill will towards you & hope to get know your better on here, i agree with your statements & maybe through here you will find great advice & help for your relationship. obviously he see's a lot in you, if i can EVER be of help please just ask. i find you to be intelligent & hopefully we can all offer advice to each other. there is always 2 sides to every story & i'm sure conrad knows this as well, it takes 2 in a relationship & i've never heard him bash you. my blessings go to you both & only hope you can both work out the differences & move forward, it's the only life we're given & hope to enjoy it at it's fullest


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## canguy66 (Dec 18, 2011)

Janie said:


> What if all communication, verbal & non-verbal was based on...
> 
> *Oneness* - all actions are designed to promote oneness, with the lowest requirement being any actions that work against oneness should be avoided.
> 
> ...


OOH are good best practices, but are they truly keys to success? Imho, a successful marriage cannot be quantified. There is no formula. Chemistry and dynamic are a very important part of success. There are also cases where two people may love each other, but would be better off being friends if the chemistry/dynamic is not present, or if it's unhealthy... which is the reason I am separated from my now ex-wife.

Fast-forward, and I am with someone new. OOH traits are present, yes, but the dynamic/chemistry is very different, healthy, respectful and nourishing. Granted, it's only been a weeks, but it's easy to tell the difference.

I wish you and Conrad peace, success and understanding. I was happy to hear you were reconnecting, and hope that can happen again, in a more positive and nurturing manner. Very best to you both.


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## Janie (Apr 10, 2010)

canguy66 said:


> Fast-forward, and I am with someone new.


Congrats!

And thanks for the well wishes


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## foreverheartbroken (Jul 20, 2012)

Janie said:


> What if all communication, verbal & non-verbal was based on...
> 
> *Oneness* - all actions are designed to promote oneness, with the lowest requirement being any actions that work against oneness should be avoided.
> 
> ...


Hi Janie! 

You started out with one big key to a successful marriage: Communication. Can't have a successful marriage without good solid communication.

The three keys you list are three major components of good communication in a marriage.

ONENESS, that is a major key to a successful marriage in my opinion, actions towards being "one" and seeing the other, understanding the other's feelings and sharing dreams of the future, working towards making each other stronger in weak areas and this helps with OPENNESS, willingness to express one's own pain and insecurities to the other, and to listen, to hear, and respect and offer support. The ability to admit pain and insecurities to the other is actually a very strong characteristic and one that many don't have. Insecurity with oneself reveals itself in the form of bragging about oneself, boasting one's imagined or true capabilities and ignoring the needs, wants or desires of the other. There is no ONENESS nor OPENNESS there and is destructive to relationships. The personal issues stand in the way of openness and your third key... HONESTY, willing to bear all to your spouse comes into play here and trust. With too much insecurity or self absorption none of these three keys can exist no matter how hard either party tries or believes in the love they feel. Nor trust. Adding another key, LOVE, and such is the old cliche, that you can't love others unless you love yourself first. Loving/respecting yourself enables you to be open, honest and be as one in a successful marriage.


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## Janie (Apr 10, 2010)

foreverheartbroken said:


> Hi Janie!
> 
> You started out with one big key to a successful marriage: Communication. Can't have a successful marriage without good solid communication.
> 
> ...


Thanks for the insights. I like the way you express yourself.


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