# New Here - long distance marriage



## SuperMum (Apr 11, 2013)

Hubby and I have been together for 13 years, married 7, we have 2 kids, 5 and 2.

He has been in a different state for 3 months for work. I stayed behind with the kids so the 5 year old could finish preschool. In 3 more months we are supposed to move where he is to be reunited as a family. 

But I'm having second thoughts. There are no obvious problems in our marriage. No abuse or infidelity. But I'm just not happy. I feel like I am going through the motions. When we video chat I find we have little to talk about. So obviously adding a cross country move into the mix will only cause more stress. 

But if I say I'm not moving then our family will be torn across the country. We can't do counseling as we are hours apart. I know I need to tell him how I feel (he will be blindsided), but it seems like a crummy conversation to have over email or video chat. 

He came back for a few days and I found it more disruptive and stressful, than exciting. I know that isn't a good sign. But I don't know what to say. I know he will want to bend over backwards to make me happy, but I don't know what I need. I just know I need more. But asking for "more" seems like an unfair request to make of him. 

I don't know what advice I am seeking here. I think I just needed a place to write out my thoughts as I can't talk to him easily. I have only just opened the "divorce" door in my mind so I'm trying to feel out my options. 

Thanks for reading


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## mattsmom (Apr 2, 2013)

Supermum, I'm really sorry to hear about your situation. It is very difficult, to be sure, to open up a dialogue about feelings, especially when you're not certain exactly what you have going on. I think, though, that honesty is certainly the best route for both of you, in the long run. I'm at a point where I have been having these same types of conversations with my husband. I wish I could tell you that it's easy. Face to face is certainly best, but if that's not possible, then do the video chat. He needs to see your face and understand the depth of the emotion that you are or are not experiencing. I wish you the very best of luck.

Mattsmom


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

> But I'm having second thoughts. There are no obvious problems in our marriage. No abuse or infidelity. But I'm just not happy. I feel like I am going through the motions.


All marriages go through lull periods. It especially happens when you're feeling distant and disconnected, especially when you have children and life becomes focused on them rather than on your relationship as husband and wife, and especially when you've been together for a long time and have achieved a lot of your goals (having kids, jobs, etc.). Doing the same things every day can make you feel like that, and like there's nothing to look forward to or no challenges. 

That doesn't mean you throw in the towel and tear up a family just like that.

You and your husband can do the work to reconnect and it will feel like you've revived your marriage. For all you know, you could just need a really good vacation with just your husband and away from the kids so you can fall in love again.

Don't give up just like that.


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