# In Laws ruining my life!



## ScreamingInSilence

I've already posted this in another forum... I hope it is ok that I re-post for a little more feedback. Any advice/comments would be helpful.

Been with Hubby for 12 years or so, married 4. Since the wedding... it's been a progressive nightmare - his parents are very manipulative and controlling... we dated eight years before we married, and though I noticed his Dad would call constantly when we were together, I had no idea of the extent of the problem. 

Before wedding, we went house shopping. Picked a house. Stayed up all night talking about it, happy and excited. His parents came to see it the next day. Didn't approve. Hubby changed his mind too... we didn't get the house WE chose. 

A few weeks later, in-Laws basically selected our house in the end, location: 5 minutes from their house. I had no say in the City in which we lived. 

First car we bought: Hubby chose with his Father. I wasn't even there.

Wedding night: They insisted and won the battle of driving home with us after the reception in our limo (FIL cornered me one night, for about a half hour, screaming that "I cannot leave them in the street" - until I cried, and gave in . They actually rode with us on our wedding night... home... in the limo... 

Honeymoon: Father-in-Law called almost every day for two weeks. I was livid and crying each time - which made no difference. 

Second car we bought, chose together, then drove it straight to the In Laws for "show and tell". Literally, straight there. No romantic drive together first, nothing.

Pregnant. First ultrasound. They're calling as we walk into the hospital, and calling as we leave, inviting us over for supper. (Yet, when I need to go to the Hospital for complications that concern only me, and not baby - no phonecalls to be had). 

Naming the child: War. They assumed we would name our children after them. The war is ongoing. Offered to make FIL's name the middle name, and FIL forbids us - claiming it's insulting. I am five months pregnant with a boy, and instead of being joyed, they are more concerned about having their way. 

This is just a sample of my day to day life. Marriage Counselling was a flop. I feel second to the In Laws. I see no changes. My Husband knows how I feel. He has heard it over and over. He even admits that his parents aren't right much of the time, but still - each day is a battle... I am five months pregnant, and still not first. Is this the end of the road? I love my Husband, but I am not happy. What is more important?? Love or happiness?


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## easysilence

A wise man that I trust once told me that the secret of his 60 year marriage was to ALWAYS put his wife first. He said when he got married, that became his family and his parents, her parents, and everyone else (besides the children they would have) had nothing to do with the decisions that were right for his family. I wish there were more men like him.


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## DanF

> we dated eight years before we married,* and though I noticed his Dad would call constantly when we were together,* I had no idea of the extent of the problem.
> 
> *Before wedding, *we went house shopping. Picked a house. Stayed up all night talking about it, happy and excited. *His parents came to see it the next day. Didn't approve. Hubby changed his mind too..*. we didn't get the house WE chose.


This is not what you want to hear, but the signs were there and you ignored them and married him anyway.

He's not going to change his parents because he has no gonads. You're not going to change him.


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## tamara24

Ok, first. Your hubby needs to set boundries with his parents. First, man is supposed to leave his family and cleave to his wife. Not have his wife adopt his parents. Your going to have to make some tough choices. You will have to make a stand or once this baby arrives, it will be even worse.

This is YOURS and YOUR HUSBANDS child. They got to name their child and now you and the hubby get to name yours.If they find the middle name to be insulting then fine, he would not be named after FIL at all. If hubby does not get this, then you have some choices to make if you can continue to live like this.

FIL has no business screaming at you that you can't leave them in the street,they are grown adults. You are a newly married couple just starting out in life. They don't get a say in how the two of yyou make decisions in your marraige. If I were you, I would take a stand. Either hubby urbs the behavior or your leaving. He should be sticking up for you. By not showing any concern when you were having complications, they show you basically they are afraid you are taking their son away from them. My parents are the same way with my brother and it has caused tons of problems in his marraige. 

I can predict,your son will be born and instead of going home, he hubby will want to go to his parents. You will never care for your son correctly in their eyes and it grandma will take over and invite herself over to insit on taking care of the child. This is your time. They had theirs, but now the hubby is a grown man and must take care of his family.Never let the FIL back you into a corner. Just say, I am leaving and when you can talk to me with respect, I will be happy to discuss this with you. Good luck,sweety. You need to get this handled before that child gets here or you will be totally stressed!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## CallaLily

Sounds like your husband is living his life based on what his parents think etc. That is not a good thing. It means whatever choices or decisions he tries to make, he feels he will need their approval first. He is forever tied to what they think. Not what you think or what he himself thinks. He married you, not his family. But for some reason he hasn't be able to cut that tie and separate his married life that comes first from his childlike ways with his parents.


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## HappyWife40

Just a note: the original post was over 2 years ago and the poster has not been on since August, 2009. Carry on.


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## CallaLily

Uggggg I hate it when I forget to look at the date of a post!


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## tamara24

Me too, I was looking under NEW posts!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 2babymom

*My in laws are driving me crazy!*

My husband of 2 years, and I have been living the fast track since we met. We dated long distance and I decided to move with him and his family for what I thought would be temporary. About 9 months later we were engaged and 6 months after that we were married. We got pregnant right away which was according to plan and we quickly purchased our very first home. I was so excited to finally start our relationship without anyone else involved but that was short lived because his parents came with us to our new home. My husband painted a pretty picture saying that his mom would contribute significantly to the mortgage and this would eventually make it possible for me to be a stay at home mom. I reluctantly agreed and his very sick father and mother moved in. There have been nothing but problems since. His father has never liked me and he is cold and rude. I have tried many times to connect with him with no success. My mother in law although helpful at times is a nuisance because she is extremely demanding. She immediately took 2 bedrooms of my home because she siad she could no longer sleep with her husband because he deprives her of sleep. To make matters worse we decided to have another child quickly and now we have 2 children under two! Yikes! I know I am emotional but its mostly because I am sleep deprived. My husband works extremely long hours and does not have to put up with the mundaine irritants of the day. Even worse they still baby my husband and when I dont do something small for him (Hello 2 under 2!) they just do it for him anyway. I feel as though I we are playing house and his parents are still in control. They get into all our arguments and get mad at me if I shout at my husband. They even try to get involved with the way I discipline my daughter. The list goes on but I need help because my fear is that my marriage will not survive this disaster!


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## FirstYearDown

*Set Boundaries...*



2babymom said:


> My husband of 2 years, and I have been living the fast track since we met. We dated long distance and I decided to move with him and his family for what I thought would be temporary. As a general rule, living with in laws should be avoided. Couples need their private space to grow into marriage.
> 
> 
> About 9 months later we were engaged and 6 months after that we were married. We got pregnant right away which was according to plan and we quickly purchased our very first home.
> Why the rush to do everything? Maybe you needed to take more time to get to know each other.
> I was so excited to finally start our relationship without anyone else involved but that was short lived because his parents came with us to our new home. My husband painted a pretty picture saying that his mom would contribute significantly to the mortgage and this would eventually make it possible for me to be a stay at home mom. I reluctantly agreed and his very sick father and mother moved in. You should not have agreed to something that made you so uncomfortable. You are not obligated to look after your in laws. It sounds like your husband has some growing up to do; he is more like a son than a husband and his wife needs to come first!
> 
> 
> There have been nothing but problems since. His father has never liked me and he is cold and rude. I have tried many times to connect with him with no success. My mother in law although helpful at times is a nuisance because she is extremely demanding. She immediately took 2 bedrooms of my home because she siad she could no longer sleep with her husband because he deprives her of sleep. She could not do such things if you did not allow it. You teach people how to treat you and boundary setting is very important with in laws. Does your husband ever speak to his parents about their behaviour?
> 
> 
> To make matters worse we decided to have another child quickly and now we have 2 children under two! Yikes! I know I am emotional but its mostly because I am sleep deprived. Why on earth did you need have children so quickly? It is clearly taking it's toll. There is no way you can go back and not have the babies. As you can see, rushing into motherhood while the marriage is still young, can often be a recipe for disaster. You and your husband have had NO time just to be a couple.
> 
> My husband works extremely long hours and does not have to put up with the mundaine irritants of the day. Even worse they still baby my husband and when I dont do something small for him (Hello 2 under 2!) they just do it for him anyway. I feel as though I we are playing house and his parents are still in control. They get into all our arguments and get mad at me if I shout at my husband. They even try to get involved with the way I discipline my daughter. The list goes on but I need help because my fear is that my marriage will not survive this disaster!



It is time for you to make alternate arrangements. You and your husband need to be a united front when it comes to his parents. He needs to be less of a momma's boy and more like your partner. Some in laws need to be kept at an arm's length.


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## Confused 03

I had to live w/ my in-laws from overseas for 6 months. I never noticed this before, but I think I married a momma's boy. He always puts his parents before me. He even stated that his only plan for the future was that he was going to have his parents live w/ him full-time. He is an only child from China (working in US). We have only been married for 4 yrs. 

(my post: http://talkaboutmarriage.com/consid...4802-husband-says-hes-unhappy.html#post481567)

lately i have been very sad and depressed. I'm not sure what to do now...


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## Freak On a Leash

HappyWife40 said:


> Just a note: the original post was over 2 years ago and the poster has not been on since August, 2009. Carry on.


Seems to be an epidemic of resurrecting old posts going on...

Now I'll NEVER know what happened. My .02 is that she never should've married the guy to begin with and THEN had a baby after all that happened. Oh well.

Once my H told me that if anything happened to his father he'd like his mother to live with us. I told him "ABSOLUTELY NOT." He never brought it up again. 

But he did move out of our house to live with his father and "take care of him" after he found out just how much cash the old miser had sitting in the bank. Sure enough he inherited it all 6 weeks later when his father died. He said he "invested well.". 

I guess so, if sitting alone in a house drinking yourself to death is a good investment.


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## vernarie

Couldn't agree more.


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## ggtam000

Sorry for what i hear. I am a guy who had terrible relationship with a spoiled ****hole who is acting similar way. Whenever we had an issue she used to involve her parents and made really unhappy. Worse of all, when we had disagreements she had so much drama around to involve her family and also would involve mine too and creates so much noise. I never had a difficult relatinship with anyone whether it be a frienship, relationship, kinship etc. It is like using her drama, she like to turn everything against me which makes me boiling inside like a bomb going off.


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## daisygirl 41

Zombie thread!


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