# Does my husband even care?



## Mommyluv (Dec 7, 2015)

My husband and I have been married for almost 10 months. Awhile back we had a few issues with his porn use. (I feel like he chooses it over me) anyways, after many discussions over the porn situation, he refused to give up porn. So, I figured I'd try to find a way to be okay with it and try not to let this bother me. But, I asked for his help on it. Basically, I just need affection and attention from him. I need him to show me that he does care for me and my feelings. Since I already feel like he doesn't because he couldn't even try to give up porn for our marriage. 
I asked him if he could just simply kiss me once a day...just once...and say or do something sweet. Even if it's just putting his arms around me or a sweet text during the day. I'm not asking for anything big. Just 5 minutes out of his day. 
First few days went good. Then he quit...a few days later I asked him about it. He said he forgot. I understand that so he resumed..for one day. 3 days later...still nothing. And the cycle repeats. 
I do everything I can to make him happy. I understand porn makes him happy, so I am willing to try to let go of my feelings on it..for him. After all, he is a man and he'll do what men do. I tell him I love him everyday, I give him plenty of attention...and I am very romantic with him and always show him in someway that he is always on my mind. 
He can't even kiss me everyday...
I'm starting to feel like he doesn't really care about my feelings...
or maybe what I am asking is to difficult? 
I don't know...


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## Spotthedeaddog (Sep 27, 2015)

you probably need to speak to a professional about his _addiction_.


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## Mommyluv (Dec 7, 2015)

spotthedeaddog said:


> you probably need to speak to a professional about his _addiction_.


He will not go. We were even invited on the Dr. Phil show about it. He sees nothing wrong with it. and I'm not willing to divorce over it. So, I will sacrifice my feelings and learn to get over it.


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## happy2gether (Dec 6, 2015)

do you watch it with him? why not try that and see if you can turn it into a hot session. 

If you can't/won't watch it too, then my advice is see a counselor yourself and get up the nerve to leave or make him seek help.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Mommyluv said:


> He will not go. We were even invited on the Dr. Phil show about it. He sees nothing wrong with it. and I'm not willing to divorce over it. So, I will sacrifice my feelings and learn to get over it.


Your answer to your problem is right here in your own post. He was offered free help but won't take up the offer.

Why on earth would you sacrifice your feelings, your life, for this?? Life is way to short to waste it on someone who won't help their self.

Why is divorce off the table? Do you want to be a martyr?

Time to move on...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mommyluv (Dec 7, 2015)

happy2gether said:


> do you watch it with him? why not try that and see if you can turn it into a hot session.
> 
> If you can't/won't watch it too, then my advice is see a counselor yourself and get up the nerve to leave or make him seek help.


Yes, sometimes we do watch it together. I am perfectly fine and happy doing that. Porn isn't exactly the issue. I dont care that he watches it...It just becomes an issue when he chooses it over me. If he had sex with me as much as he watched it, then problem solved. or if he can still have sex with me before or after it'd be fine. 
He doesn't enjoy watching it together though. He prefers to do it privately.


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## Spotthedeaddog (Sep 27, 2015)

Mommyluv said:


> He will not go. We were even invited on the Dr. Phil show about it. He sees nothing wrong with it. and I'm not willing to divorce over it. So, I will sacrifice my feelings and learn to get over it.


Well do both of you a favour, put that in writing, frame it, stick it on your bedroom wall, and remember it has been your choice so no point bringing it up here.

It is a classical _addiction_ that you're dealing with. You are now, through your choice, the enabler. And no I won't help with an interdiction I know where his hands have been.


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## Mommyluv (Dec 7, 2015)

happy as a clam said:


> Your answer to your problem is right here in your own post. He was offered free help but won't take up the offer.
> 
> Why on earth would you sacrifice your feelings, your life, for this?? Life is way to short to waste it on someone who won't help their self.
> 
> ...


I feel like I need a better reason than "my husband watches porn" although it does hurt like hell and it completely destroys how I look at myself. I just love him...and we just had a daughter together. and I believe in "for better or worse" and I'm just hoping one day he'll change.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

happy as a clam said:


> Your answer to your problem is right here in your own post. He was offered free help but won't take up the offer.
> 
> Why on earth would you sacrifice your feelings, your life, for this?? Life is way to short to waste it on someone who won't help their self.
> 
> ...


I'm not sure about that. Dr. Phil show seems like a pretty obvious trap. I'd never go on national TV to get beat up by Dr. Phil.


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## Mommyluv (Dec 7, 2015)

WorkingOnMe said:


> I'm not sure about that. Dr. Phil show seems like a pretty obvious trap. I'd never go on national TV to get beat up by Dr. Phil.


I don't blame him for not wanting to go. But, he also refuses to see a professional in our area.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
The reason isn't "my husband watches porn", the reason is that he is choosing it over you.

I have no objections to porn use either with a partner or when a partner is not available. I think it becomes a problem when it is chosen INSTEAD of a partner. This is not being a prude, it is having the completely reasonable expectation that you be your partners primary interest for love, sex and intimacy. 

This often gets confused with women who object to porn even though their husbands never choose it over them. To me that is a completely different situation.









Mommyluv said:


> I feel like I need a better reason than "my husband watches porn" although it does hurt like hell and it completely destroys how I look at myself. I just love him...and we just had a daughter together. and I believe in "for better or worse" and I'm just hoping one day he'll change.


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## Mommyluv (Dec 7, 2015)

richardsharpe said:


> Good evening
> The reason isn't "my husband watches porn", the reason is that he is choosing it over you.


Yes. I don't even initiate sex with him anymore because I am afraid of the rejection. He's not really even "into it" either. and when he does initiate it, I feel like he only does it because he feels like he has to. Like its a chore. I could be wrong though...Maybe he does want to. He just doesn't show that "passion" I am longing for.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
one more thing to check. Do you know if he has any particular fetish that the porn is catering to? 

Most likely though he is by any reasonable standards an "addict", and is trading a real person for porn. That is really sad, but there is likely nothing you can do to fix it if he doesn't want help.


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

This was an issue before you married? 10 months is supposed to be the honeymoon phase. He most likely will not change.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

You married a man child, a very low EQ man that you "hope" will change, most likely he won't change unless he gets professional help and/or you divorce him. If you choose to stay and martyr yourself then all power to you but keep in mind you are setting your child up for a future of making poor relationship decisions just like you have done with this guy.

Get some professional help yourself to find out why your self esteem is so low that you will waste your life for a man that does not care about you.

IMHO porn itself is not the problem, we use it in a healthy way in our relationship, together or solo, no judgements or issues as my SO and I share a very healthy, well balanced sex life where respect and caring is paramount. Not anti porn at all but very anti man child/martyr relationships that really are a waste of your life and his. 

Good luck to you as you will need it. You don't seem to be able or want to make a stand on this so it is on you now.


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## Mommyluv (Dec 7, 2015)

richardsharpe said:


> Good evening
> one more thing to check. Do you know if he has any particular fetish that the porn is catering to?
> 
> Most likely though he is by any reasonable standards an "addict", and is trading a real person for porn. That is really sad, but there is likely nothing you can do to fix it if he doesn't want help.


Everything he likes I can and have catered to. Except for huge breasts. Ill even watch the videos he watches and I will do exactly what they do. But, it still isn't good enough for him I don't guess.


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## Mommyluv (Dec 7, 2015)

Holland said:


> Good luck to you as you will need it. You don't seem to be able or want to make a stand on this so it is on you now.


I have tried to make a stand. I'm afraid I will push him away. All he has to do is have sex with me more, and act like he loves me. and if he really doesnt love me then he just needs to tell me that and I'll move on. But, as long as I see hope...I am staying.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Mommyluv said:


> Everything he likes I can and have catered to.


This is sad. You are catering and cow-towing to his every whim, and yet it is still not enough for him. Don't you see, in doing this, you are giving up YOURSELF -- you are reinventing yourself to fit HIS mold??

You need counseling. Learn to be true to yourself and not a puppet on a string.


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## Mommyluv (Dec 7, 2015)

I'd also like to note. I don't believe my husband is addicted to it. I believe he can stop, he just doesn't want to. Like, thats his stress relief or something. 
and maybe he doesn't choose it over me...maybe it could be in my head. 
But, he doesn't seem to ever be in the mood anymore, and It seems to be hard for him for me to get him aroused. 
But, I feel like...if you don't have a sex drive, and you aren't in the mood...why would you still watch porn..? 
and he helps himself while looking, he doesn't just look. 
Why is it so easy for porn to get him in the mood, but me in sexy lingerie and pretty much trying everything I can think of to turn him on doesn't?


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## ToothFairy (May 19, 2013)

I am really annoyed at all the people here saying "porn is not the issue".. YES IT IS!! He is choosing porn over his wife. Porn has been PROVEN to be detrimental to chemical workings of the brain not to mention the sexual disfunction associated with porn. Clearly he is not the occasional watcher like some of you - who can take it or leave it. He refuses to stop or get help for his addiction! 

To the OP. PLEAE GET A BACKBONE! I don't mean to be cruel, but you are sacrificing your own self worth and needs to cater to this addict who has zero concern for meeting your needs. Please do not try to reenact the porn you see simply to scratch his porn itch. It will never be scratched to his liking!! Get some help for your low self esteem and co-dependent behavior. Its not a good thing to model to your child and you will become an empty shell of a woman eventually. Kick him out until he gets some help and decides sincerely that your needs and feelings matter. Please. do. this!!


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Mommyluv said:


> But, he doesn't seem to ever be in the mood anymore, and It seems to be hard for him for me to get him aroused.
> But, I feel like...if you don't have a sex drive, and you aren't in the mood...why would you still watch porn..?


He watches it because it's easy and he's lazy. He doesn't have to listen to huge breasted women who can twist themselves into pretzels b!tch about menstrual cramps, or ask him what he wants for dinner. They don't challenge him. 

Why bother with you? He'd have to have a serious emotional connection and commitment to you.

I don't know how old you are, but you sound pretty young to me. You married a guy who wants his porn babes. You? He's not that into you. Seriously

So hang around wishing and hoping he'll change. He won't because he doesn't want to. You're willing to accept the scraps he throws you.

What a waste of your time. And you will find the more you try to tolerate his crap and conform to his desires, the more frustrated and resentful you'll become. But it's your time to waste, so give it a try.


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## Mommyluv (Dec 7, 2015)

Prodigal said:


> He watches it because it's easy and he's lazy. He doesn't have to listen to huge breasted women who can twist themselves into pretzels b!tch about menstrual cramps, or ask him what he wants for dinner. They don't challenge him.
> 
> Why bother with you? He'd have to have a serious emotional connection and commitment to you.
> 
> ...


The ugly truth. 
Thank you.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

Mommyluv said:


> My husband and I have been married for almost 10 months. Awhile back we had a few issues with his porn use. (I feel like he chooses it over me) anyways, after many discussions over the porn situation, he refused to give up porn. So, I figured I'd try to find a way to be okay with it and try not to let this bother me. But, I asked for his help on it. Basically, I just need affection and attention from him. I need him to show me that he does care for me and my feelings. Since I already feel like he doesn't because he couldn't even try to give up porn for our marriage.
> I asked him if he could just simply kiss me once a day...just once...and say or do something sweet. Even if it's just putting his arms around me or a sweet text during the day. I'm not asking for anything big. Just 5 minutes out of his day.
> First few days went good. Then he quit...a few days later I asked him about it. He said he forgot. I understand that so he resumed..for one day. 3 days later...still nothing. And the cycle repeats.
> I do everything I can to make him happy. I understand porn makes him happy, so I am willing to try to let go of my feelings on it..for him. After all, he is a man and he'll do what men do. I tell him I love him everyday, I give him plenty of attention...and I am very romantic with him and always show him in someway that he is always on my mind.
> ...



Hmmmmmm......

Only reason I was addicted to porn way back (early marriage years) was due to Mrs.CuddleBug are her LD. Having sex 1x month when recently married with a HD hubby was the problem.

When we had sex 3x week or more, that was enough for me not to view or think about porn. I actually forgot about it to be honest.

Don't know if that is your situation. HD / LD.

If your hubby is HD Adventurous and could have sex every day and loves the more adventurous fun sex, porn fills that need.

If you're already having fun adventurous sex with him often, his need for porn should be zero.


You could take the 5 love languages quiz separately and then compare the results.

Home | The 5 Love Languages® | Improving Millions of Relationships? One Language at a Time.

Turns out I am Physical rating 12 and Mrs.CuddleBug is Acts of Service rating 12.

I need sex and physicality all the time were as she likes to please me but doesn't need the physicality or sex much.


What your hubby needs to make him happy could be totally different for you. He might be physical and sexual and not emotional.


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## happy2gether (Dec 6, 2015)

ok, sounds to me like he is addicted and you are in denial then. You both need to get help, if he won't go then leave for a few days and see if he comes around.


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

Mommyluv said:


> I do everything I can to make him happy.


And in the process, sacrifice your own happiness by not categorizing your own needs as an equally high priority. 

As long as you're offering happiness, be prepared that he'll take it at every opportunity presented until you have zero left to give. But don't expect him to have the maturity level to reciprocate when you won't even stand up for yourself. 

I think you deserve better, and the source starts with you.


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## Mommyluv (Dec 7, 2015)

CuddleBug said:


> Hmmmmmm......
> 
> Only reason I was addicted to porn way back (early marriage years) was due to Mrs.CuddleBug are her LD. Having sex 1x month when recently married with a HD hubby was the problem.
> 
> ...



I am an extremely sexual person. I want it everyday as many times as I can get it. I beg him to have sex with me but he says it's to much. and I do realize that I want it to much. So, I slowed it down like he wanted. I still want it everyday but I no longer ask him anymore or try because he usually seems like he doesn't want to, or hes not in the mood. 

We actually did the 5 love languages last night. I'm a 10 on Words of affirmation, and hes an 11 on Quality time.


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## Roselyn (Sep 19, 2010)

Mommyluv said:


> I'd also like to note. I don't believe my husband is addicted to it. I believe he can stop, he just doesn't want to. Like, thats his stress relief or something.
> and maybe he doesn't choose it over me...maybe it could be in my head.
> But, he doesn't seem to ever be in the mood anymore, and It seems to be hard for him for me to get him aroused.
> But, I feel like...if you don't have a sex drive, and you aren't in the mood...why would you still watch porn..?
> ...


This is the worst scenario of porn addiction that I have read. You are an enabler. You have a very low self-esteem. You are willing to accept no intimacy and no love for porn. You need to see a psychologist to fix your mindset. If you stay in this marriage, you won't get any better nor your husband of 10 months.


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## Mommyluv (Dec 7, 2015)

Roselyn said:


> This is the worst scenario of porn addiction that I have read. You are an enabler. You have a very low self-esteem. You are willing to accept no intimacy and no love for porn. You need to see a psychologist to fix your mindset. If you stay in this marriage, you won't get any better nor your husband of 10 months.


I feel like if I demand him to stop and he does...then he will resent me later on for it. and another thing, he has gotten very good at hiding it now, that I wouldn't even be able to know if he did or not. He has told me he'll do it at work. I can't be there at work with him to know. I've gotten keyloggers and all sorts of things to put on his phone...but nothing records private browsing and thats what he uses.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
The problem is not you. You have done everything reasonable and more, much more. He is the problem. 

Whether you call it addiction or not really doesn't matter. There is no reason you should live like this. Find someone who loves and values you because he does not.



To get an idea of how far off the curve he is. My wife once got very angry when she found out I sometimes watched porn. But she almost always turns me down for sex, despite my being willing to to absolutely anything she wants in and out of bed. I on the other hand have turned her down for sex less than a handful of times in 30 years. 

Many people complain about occasional porn use. Your husband is far far beyond that. 









Mommyluv said:


> Everything he likes I can and have catered to. Except for huge breasts. Ill even watch the videos he watches and I will do exactly what they do. But, it still isn't good enough for him I don't guess.


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## toomuchlove87 (Jan 10, 2012)

Ok.. guys are much different than women. Guys are not naturally romantic... asking him to kiss you everyday??? Just walk up to him and kiss him. 

Thats what I do with my husband who is as oblivious as a fencepost. If I want a kiss I ask him for a kiss. If I want a hug I look at him and I say "Embrace me!" and he hugs me. 

Guys don't hug each other normally... as for the porn.. my husband and I watch porn seperately because It is a little weird to me to watch it together. It doesn't bother me and it is not a replacement. 

Something you could try is including yourself in his "fantasy" I have my husband a BJ once after I assume he had watched porn. You could try giving him a BJ while he is watching it... I wouldn't sneak up on him though.. just ask him if it is something he would like. It might open him up to being more physical with you. 

Otherwise ask him why he has been so distant with you physical interactions.. guys don't talk about issues they are having and he may be having issues that you don't know about. Asking is better than assuming. 

Remember, guys can't read minds. : )


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## Mommyluv (Dec 7, 2015)

toomuchlove87 said:


> Ok.. guys are much different than women. Guys are not naturally romantic... asking him to kiss you everyday??? Just walk up to him and kiss him.
> 
> Thats what I do with my husband who is as oblivious as a fencepost. If I want a kiss I ask him for a kiss. If I want a hug I look at him and I say "Embrace me!" and he hugs me.
> 
> ...


I don't feel like I should beg my husband to want to kiss me. I'm not asking him to be overly romantic or anything. I go to him when I want a kiss...everytime. I just once...just one ****ing time want him to come to me for it. 
I have done that with him. I'll even let him watch it while we have sex. But it doesn't seem to do anything for him. He wants it in private and thats it. 
He doesn't really like to talk about it much. but he says he thinks he has low testosterone and doesn't want to do it.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

toomuchlove87 said:


> Ok.. guys are much different than women. Guys are not naturally romantic... asking him to kiss you everyday??? Just walk up to him and kiss him.
> 
> Thats what I do with my husband who is as oblivious as a fencepost. If I want a kiss I ask him for a kiss. If I want a hug I look at him and I say "Embrace me!" and he hugs me.
> 
> Guys don't hug each other normally... .................


Ok this is your experience but it is not everyone's reality. The men in my life DO hug each other, father/son, brothers, mates what is the big deal?

My SO is by far the big romantic in our home, way more than I am. He is the one that organises romantic get aways, dinners etc. He tells me with words, kisses and hugs dozens of times every single day that he loves me. He is a very high IQ and EQ man, big broad and strong physically, extremely successful in his career and at the same time a deeply romantic and connected man.

Not all men are the same, not all women are the same and telling the OP that the way her husband behaves is just normal male behaviour is harmful, she is already stuck in dysfunction please don't tell her that this is normal and to be tolerated.


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## Omego (Apr 17, 2013)

Mommyluv said:


> . He wants it in private and thats it.
> He doesn't really like to talk about it much. but he says he thinks he has low testosterone and doesn't want to do it.


He clearly has major issues. He may feel less masculine because of his low T? Maybe he simply can't perform and is embarrassed? 

Everyone is telling you not to sacrifice yourself for him and they are right. I understand your hesitation because of your feelings and the fact that you have a young child, but what choice do you have if he won't get help?

Do you have family you could go to for a while in order to make him understand that you don't want to divorce, but that it's just not possible to envision a future with him if things don't change?


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

By all means stick around and be a martyr. Then your daughter can grow up seeing that and she can find her own jerk to stick out "for better or worse" with. 

You'll have taught her well.

Eventually you'll tire of this and realize you wasted 20 years of your life on this but you can tell your daughter you did it for her. That'll make her happy. 

Good luck, that's the future that waits for you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
I think that there is a lot of variation. I'm a guy and I am romantic. I probably kiss my wife a dozen times a day just because I happen to see her. We cuddle together on the sofa when we watch TV. I send her (sometimes naughty) love notes from work. Have flowers sent to her workplace by surprise. We sit on the porch together and watch the sunset.

Before you think I'm all wishywashy, we also travel all over the world, climb mountains, fly airplanes, spend lots of time hanging out with friends etc.

I'm romantic but I also very much enjoy frequent exciting sex. 

I do watch porn, but only when my wife has been sexually ignoring me.


For the OP, the problem is that the porn IS a repacement, he is watching and ignoring her. 





toomuchlove87 said:


> Ok.. guys are much different than women. Guys are not naturally romantic... asking him to kiss you everyday??? Just walk up to him and kiss him.
> 
> Thats what I do with my husband who is as oblivious as a fencepost. If I want a kiss I ask him for a kiss. If I want a hug I look at him and I say "Embrace me!" and he hugs me.
> 
> ...


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
the only way this is on you is that you haven't left yet - because you are loyal, generally a good trait. 






Mommyluv said:


> I don't feel like I should beg my husband to want to kiss me. I'm not asking him to be overly romantic or anything. I go to him when I want a kiss...everytime. I just once...just one ****ing time want him to come to me for it.
> I have done that with him. I'll even let him watch it while we have sex. But it doesn't seem to do anything for him. He wants it in private and thats it.
> He doesn't really like to talk about it much. but he says he thinks he has low testosterone and doesn't want to do it.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

OP, have you ever considered that you two are basically incompatible? Have you ever considered your pride is standing in the way of you pulling the plug on this mess? Have you ever considered that you want to prove to yourself, and anyone else who cares to know, that you sacrificed yourself and your all for this marriage?

I still don't know how old you are, but AGAIN you sound very young and inexperienced. No offense. I was like that back when dinosaurs roamed the earth. But I learned that I get one short, precious life to live. Nobody can live it for me. And I'll be damned if I'm going to give up my needs and values for anyone. As my signature says, I don't make anyone to be a priority in my life who considers me nothing more than an option. And I'm quite content with my life, for the most part.

Like I said, stay if you want and martyr yourself to the jerk. He isn't emotionally invested/committed to the marriage. Frankly, he sounds like a man-child whose only interest is in satisfying his own urges and to he!! with you.

Sad. I hope you wake up and get out of this


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## scatty (Mar 15, 2013)

Some men can watch porn and still show affection and have sex with their wives on a regular basis, and some can't (or don't want to.) I think you have to accept how he is or leave. If he doesn't want to quit (in his own words) to the detriment to his wife and the threat of losing his marriage, I don't know what would make him quit. This is an addiction IMO. Good luck, whatever you do.


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## Mommyluv (Dec 7, 2015)

Yes, I am young. I am 23 years old and this is my first marriage. He is 27. Both of my parents are still married, and they have been on the verge of divorce many times. But they worked through it...it took time. A lot of time. I didn't get married to just get divorced. Their marriage is what I aim for...that no matter what you do not give up. Of course, there is a limit. But, I don't feel like I've reached that limit yet. 
But here's an update. My husband (on his own) downloaded an app called the marriage app, it basically gives you different tasks each day to do for/with your spouse. He has been doing them and has told me he enjoyed doing it. It made him feel like a good husband. He broke down and said he knew he didn't treat me the way I deserved to be. His goal is to make me happy and to keep me happy. He also told me that he hasn't watched porn for almost a week, and that he feels closer to me without it. He has given me permission to take his phone at anytime that I want to see or even to take it away because I feel like he will do it. He promised when he got the temptation, he would come to me, or call me. He would do his best to not give in. 
This made me happy to hear...he's said he'd quit before, but never has. But he's never put thought into it like this. So maybe this time will be different. I will hope he does.


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## Troubled_Times (Dec 13, 2015)

Mommyluv said:


> My husband and I have been married for almost 10 months. Awhile back we had a few issues with his porn use. (I feel like he chooses it over me) anyways, after many discussions over the porn situation, he refused to give up porn. So, I figured I'd try to find a way to be okay with it and try not to let this bother me. But, I asked for his help on it. Basically, I just need affection and attention from him. I need him to show me that he does care for me and my feelings. Since I already feel like he doesn't because he couldn't even try to give up porn for our marriage.
> I asked him if he could just simply kiss me once a day...just once...and say or do something sweet. Even if it's just putting his arms around me or a sweet text during the day. I'm not asking for anything big. Just 5 minutes out of his day.
> First few days went good. Then he quit...a few days later I asked him about it. He said he forgot. I understand that so he resumed..for one day. 3 days later...still nothing. And the cycle repeats.
> I do everything I can to make him happy. I understand porn makes him happy, so I am willing to try to let go of my feelings on it..for him. After all, he is a man and he'll do what men do. I tell him I love him everyday, I give him plenty of attention...and I am very romantic with him and always show him in someway that he is always on my mind.
> ...


Do you initiate enough? Are your sex drives similar, men usually watch porn because they're not getting enough at home. But it certainly is not healthy I used to watch it but I gave up within the last year or so because it's just shameful and breaks the bond sexually between husband and wife.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
Its fair to give him a chance and to see if things change. I think what you are looking for is that things get better overall - a lot better. 

I wouldn't worry about a single slipup where he watches again, but instead focus on whether most of the time he is treating your well and making you happy.

Do your best to make him happy and to help him.


If it works -then fantastic, your marriage is saved.

If after a month or two it isn't working, at least you will both know that you gave it your best try.





Mommyluv said:


> Yes, I am young. I am 23 years old and this is my first marriage. He is 27. Both of my parents are still married, and they have been on the verge of divorce many times. But they worked through it...it took time. A lot of time. I didn't get married to just get divorced. Their marriage is what I aim for...that no matter what you do not give up. Of course, there is a limit. But, I don't feel like I've reached that limit yet.
> But here's an update. My husband (on his own) downloaded an app called the marriage app, it basically gives you different tasks each day to do for/with your spouse. He has been doing them and has told me he enjoyed doing it. It made him feel like a good husband. He broke down and said he knew he didn't treat me the way I deserved to be. His goal is to make me happy and to keep me happy. He also told me that he hasn't watched porn for almost a week, and that he feels closer to me without it. He has given me permission to take his phone at anytime that I want to see or even to take it away because I feel like he will do it. He promised when he got the temptation, he would come to me, or call me. He would do his best to not give in.
> This made me happy to hear...he's said he'd quit before, but never has. But he's never put thought into it like this. So maybe this time will be different. I will hope he does.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Mommyluv said:


> Yes. I don't even initiate sex with him anymore because I am afraid of the rejection. He's not really even "into it" either. and when he does initiate it, I feel like he only does it because he feels like he has to. Like its a chore. I could be wrong though...Maybe he does want to. He just doesn't show that "passion" I am longing for.


Problem with porn-/- it's never enough. Like any addict, he constantly needs more. Sex with his wife doesn't satisfy him at all anymore. It will get worse what he watches, and he will likely get in trouble with the law. Honestly, you should think hard about divorce.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Just read your last response. I think what he told you is true. Addictions are hard to beat. Very hard.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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