# Should I Be Concerned?



## subtan5 (Mar 31, 2015)

A few months ago, my husband, 48, started exercising by swimming at the health club several nights a week. A couple of weeks ago, I dropped by and discovered him swimming with a woman about his age. He said that they met at the club and sometimes swim laps together. He never mentioned her before. Is there any reason that I should be concerned?


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## Roselyn (Sep 19, 2010)

How old are you and how long have you been married? Why are you not swimming with him instead? There is definitely more than a concern meeting another woman and swimming together several laps. This is a date. Talk about this inappropriate behavior to him. Most likely, this scenario is only at the surface. 

Your husband did not talk to you about this situation because he knows it is inappropriate and it will bother you. He is having an initial stage of an affair or it is about to happen.


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## See_Listen_Love (Jun 28, 2012)

No concern in imho.....yet.

But since men meet women everywhere there is always the possibility of developing relations.

Take care you two also 'talk'. And not about work, the weather or the kids. About your personal thoughts, motivations, wishes, pains, difficulties. And love.


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## See_Listen_Love (Jun 28, 2012)

Oh, what is your record of having sex for the last two months? Be honest, because you gain nothing by hiding the truth here.


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## jdawg2015 (Feb 12, 2015)

Don't freak out at this point but definitely enquire. The fact that your husband did not voluntarily tell you about her is something I would discuss with him. Tell him you would like to know of such interactions and that it makes you uncomfortable for him to be spending so much 1:1 time with her.

Things to watch out for is does he live and die next to his cell phone, etc.

Could be nothing but don't completely ignore either. Did he seem shocked or embarrassed that she was around and did she act strange with you around? Has he vastly improved his appearance recently?


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## MachoMcCoy (Oct 20, 2014)

subtan5 said:


> Is there any reason that I should be concerned?


Yes


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## subtan5 (Mar 31, 2015)

Roselyn said:


> How old are you and how long have you been married? Why are you not swimming with him instead? There is definitely more than a concern meeting another woman and swimming together several laps. This is a date. Talk about this inappropriate behavior to him. Most likely, this scenario is only at the surface.
> 
> Your husband did not talk to you about this situation because he knows it is inappropriate and it will bother you. He is having an initial stage of an affair or it is about to happen.


I don't really care for swimming. I did ask him about her and he said that they met there a while back, and they both swim to exercise. I also noticed that she wore a bikini, and am not sure if that means anything.


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## SpinDaddy (Nov 12, 2012)

subtan5 said:


> I don't really care for swimming. I did ask him about her and he said that they met there a while back, and they both swim to exercise. I also noticed that she wore a bikini, and am not sure if that means anything.


Yes it does mean something. She’s not a swimmer. Sorry folks but that is 100% suspect. Bikinis suck for swimming. 

I‘d inquire a bit more into how long she’s been at it. Unless she is a complete novice, or she’s doing some kind of a, non-sexy, triathlon two piece – and trust me those things are 100% function no “eye-candy business” there . . . . the cardio workout she is in pursuit of ain’t coming from swimming laps.


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## kristin2349 (Sep 12, 2013)

subtan5 said:


> I don't really care for swimming. I did ask him about her and he said that they met there a while back, and they both swim to exercise. I also noticed that she wore a bikini, and am not sure if that means anything.


What she was wearing doesn't mean much, it implies she is in shape and confident in her body.

How did your Husband act when you saw them together? You posted here asking if you should be concerned so you must be on some level.


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## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

subtan5 said:


> he said that they met there a while back, and they both swim to exercise. I also noticed that she wore a bikini, and am not sure if that means anything.


 Bikini's are not for exercising. No female athlete competes in any sport wearing a bikini. They are for tanning and showing off your body. She is wearing a bikini to show off her body to your husband in their planned get togethers; if she were a co-worker she would wear short dresses to work for your husband. Since your husband never mentioned this woman to you on his own, ask your husband why on earth does he thinks that secretly meeting up with a woman in a bikini is OK behavior in a marriage. Then tell him that you are not OK with this and that he must stop all contact with this other woman immediately.


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## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

See_Listen_Love said:


> No concern in imho.....yet.


 On thread after thread, you are the last one to be concerned. An OP would almost have to catch their spouse in bed doing the nasty before you would take notice. Apparently, the idea of stopping things prior to them progressing further is just not your cup of tea.


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## Abc123wife (Sep 18, 2013)

subtan5 said:


> I don't really care for swimming. I did ask him about her and he said that they met there a while back, and they both swim to exercise. I also noticed that she wore a bikini, and am not sure if that means anything.


A woman near his age (48) wearing a bikini to swim laps? That is a little suspect. First, I don't care how good your body is, in your late 40s it is very unusual to wear a bikini. And if you are serious about swimming laps, you don't wear a bikini!


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## Gitsoms (Apr 7, 2015)

My dear I hope you have begun the process of having that conversation with your husband about this because it is beyond appropriate behavior for a married man. Others may say its only swimming together but it is actually it is much more because the fact that he didnt tell you before points to his acknowledgement that he is doing something wrong. Have that conversation and speak your heart.


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## tripad (Apr 18, 2014)

Abc123wife said:


> subtan5 said:
> 
> 
> > I don't really care for swimming. I did ask him about her and he said that they met there a while back, and they both swim to exercise. I also noticed that she wore a bikini, and am not sure if that means anything.
> ...


Yup athletes n swimmers don't wear bikini. 

Bikini wearers can't swim laps, they parade 

ask your husband what if you wear bikini n most night meet a man by the pool without letting him know


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## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

foolscotton3 said:


> She may be their for tanning, and dips in the pool afterwards to wash the sweat off.
> But she isn't working out in the bikini.


 My money is on that she is there for the OP's husband, and in that regard her bikini does appear to be "working out" for her.


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## subtan5 (Mar 31, 2015)

tripad said:


> Yup athletes n swimmers don't wear bikini.
> 
> Bikini wearers can't swim laps, they parade
> 
> ask your husband what if you wear bikini n most night meet a man by the pool without letting him know


You really think I should ask him that? Actually that might be a good idea.


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## subtan5 (Mar 31, 2015)

See_Listen_Love said:


> Oh, what is your record of having sex for the last two months? Be honest, because you gain nothing by hiding the truth here.


We have sex 2-3 a week, which is not more or less than the past several years.


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## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

subtan5 said:


> We have sex 2-3 a week, which is not more or less than the past several years.


 A married woman that has sex with her husband "2-3 a week" "for the past several years"; if you get a divorce, many men on this site would be interested in marrying you LOL!!!:rofl:


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## HHB (Nov 21, 2014)

Actually, two piece racing/work out swim suits are very common and about as sexy as men's speedos. If you meant a thong/string bikini that's one thing, but a workout two piece suit is something else. 

BTW, maybe you should just change your mind about not liking to swim and do something your hubby likes to do. Then, you wouldn't have to worry.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

subtan5 said:


> I also noticed that she wore a bikini, and am not sure if that means anything.


She swims laps in a BIKINI???

Sorry, but the mental image is cracking me up...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bbqbeefkake (Apr 7, 2015)

foolscotton3 said:


> She may be their for tanning, and dips in the pool afterwards to wash the sweat off


Nasty. You are supposed to take a shower before you get in a public pool. You certainly are not supposed to rinse yourself and your sweaty, nasty whatever. Beyond gross and rude.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

The "workout" that's being largely referred to isn't exactly occurring within the confines of a "man-made" swimming pool; but moreso within the confines of her "portable swimming pool" that allows him the fastidious advantage of being an active exhilarated participant in either the "breast stroke," or the internationally heralded "pump stroke," all while in the comfy confines of someone's awfully nice boudoir!

Just who does she think that she is fooling? Bikini's are in no way deemed to be competitive "swimming apparel!"

A bikini is nothing more than some rather appealing "eye candy" packaging for a lot of horny old men! More especially for those who want to expose what little is left to the imagination for their own self-serving prurient gratification!


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## Constable Odo (Feb 14, 2015)

subtan5 said:


> I also noticed that she wore a bikini, and am not sure if that means anything.


I'm sure he enjoys the view.


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## Jeffyboy (Apr 7, 2015)

depends on what the woman looks like....i would keep an eye on the situation


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

Have you asked him whether you can swim with him at the club? Try to get evidence about how far this has gone. Be very careful about appearing to be upset about this and try putting a VAR under the seat of his car and try to monitor his phone for strange numbers.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Constable Odo said:


> I'm sure he enjoys the view.


I don't doubt it for a second. However, it does not mean something is or will go on other than swimming. But, it would have been nice to have your H say he swims laps with so and so.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Maybe she's not swimming laps, but swimming onto his lap?

Anyway, it's a little suspicious. Maybe she didn't swim laps until she met your husband, used meeting him to begin an exercise program, and hasn't gotten around to buying a new swimsuit.

Maybe.


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## Constable Odo (Feb 14, 2015)

whenever i go to the gym, i never have hot chicks in bikinis swimming around me... just old fat dudes in swim-trunks 8 sizes too small.

*sigh*


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## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

It sounds very fishy to me, no pun intended.


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## melw74 (Dec 12, 2013)

I cant say if its something to be concerned about or not, I will say tho that if i turned up and saw my husband with some women parading in a bikini.... I would NOT be happy Also Hes known her for a few weeks, been doing laps with her, and only told you when you saw for yourself that he was doing this?? Now this would be a BIG problem for me, I really would want to know.

I also will admit, there is no way in this world that my hubby would want me meeting up with some guy, regularly and doing laps, etc, but i would not anyway as i know what his feelings would be on the subject.


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## Constable Odo (Feb 14, 2015)

Lila said:


> Those sports two piece swimsuits are really popular at our gym


All kidding aside, this forum is filled with a lot of really bitter people, so their natural tendency is to assume the other spouse is cheating if s/he simply talks to a member of the opposite sex.

This guy goes to the gym. There are going to be women at the gym. Is he not supposed to be marginally personable and at least talk to people there?

Unless there are other indications of a problem in the marriage, such as the sex has dropped off, communication issues, etc. there's no reason to suspect this is anything more than what it appears -- he happens to swim in the pool, there's a woman there that swims at the same time, and so, like human beings do, they politely interact with one another.


I will say this though: I don't go to the gym any longer (instead I have equipment in my own home) because I found the big chain gyms to be nothing more than pickup spots. I was a member of Bally's Health and Fitness for a while. One day, when I was at the gym on stationary bike, here comes this woman, all dolled up with more makeup than a Friday-night date, in tight-fitting leotards, walking over to the stair-climber. I noticed a lot of the guys (especially those in the free weights section) staring at her, and as she started to 'work out', several came over and chatted her up. Never went back after that.


If it really bothers the OP, she should tell her husband in plain terms she's not comfortable with it, and why, rather than posting on an internet message forum about it.


Is it innocent? Who knows.
Is he banging her like a barn door in a hurricane? Who knows.


If more couples simply communicated with one another rather than with their "girlfriends" or "bros", relationships would be a heck of a lot easier to deal with.


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## Sandie (Mar 31, 2015)

what do you mean swimming TOGETHER?

its one thing if they're in the pool at the same time another if they're doing the side stroke facing each other.


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## SpinDaddy (Nov 12, 2012)

Lila said:


> :iagree:
> 
> Those sports two piece swimsuits are really popular at our gym......YMCA.
> 
> Eta: Pic is Misty Treanor and Kerry Walsh.


Ha! Fair observation. I guess it really comes down to a matter of this vs. that.


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## subtan5 (Mar 31, 2015)

Jeffyboy said:


> depends on what the woman looks like....i would keep an eye on the situation


She is very attractive and probably a few years younger than him. I did ask him about her and he said that they met there and both swim laps, so they sometimes do it together. He also told me her name and said that she is married with kids. I asked if her family is around at the club, and he said no, she is usually there alone.


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## melw74 (Dec 12, 2013)

subtan5 said:


> She is very attractive and probably a few years younger than him. I did ask him about her and he said that they met there and both swim laps, so they sometimes do it together. He also told me her name and said that she is married with kids. I asked if her family is around at the club, and he said no, she is usually there alone.


I still would not like it.


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