# So nervous about today....need some real support



## easysilence (Jul 1, 2009)

I have a doctor's appointment today to try to get some help. I plan to tell the doctor that I've been depressed, that I think I'm being emotionally abused, and that I need help or counseling or something. 
I am nervous enough to vomit. Seriously, I feel sick. I told my fiance about the appointment because he would have found out anyway. He calls my office all the time. 
So now I am really nervous that he is going to show up at the clinic and want to 'be supportive' (read- check up on me and make sure I don't say anything about him) and go to this appointment with me. 
I plan to talk about him... a lot. 
Plus I have been distant with him lately, and it hasn't gone unnoticed. I think he wanted to fool around last night, but I am just SO not into it. Plus, it's not like he 'gets romantic'. He just kinda smiles and stares at me. When I ask him, "What?" he says, "Nothing," with that grin on his face. 
That's supposed to let me know he wants to fool around, I guess. And then he acts all pissy with me if I roll over and go to sleep. 
So he was really pissy with me this morning after an episode like that last night. Like I was annoying him by telling him goodbye and have a good day this morning and giving him a peck before I left really put him out. 
Oh my God. Even if he doesn't show up today, he is going to ask me a million questions tonight. It will all be under the guise of 'being supportive' but I think he is really just interested to know what I say about him. 
I am SCARED. I think I might throw up.


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

Good luck with the appt. today. 

If he asks questions...just keep it simple. Don't go into details. If he asks specific..."did you say anything about me." Tell him, "no" this one is all about me. 

Get into counseling. You sound like you are being controlled.

Exactly what is making you scared? The fact that the doctor might say something you aren't prepared for or that your fiance might find out? 

It is great that you are making the first step in getting help!!! It will be alright. Know that you aren't alone.


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

If he shows up he has no right to go into the appointment with you and don’t let him. Is this a medical doctor or a therapist you are seeing?


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## easysilence (Jul 1, 2009)

I'm going to a medical doctor but I'm going to hopefully get some mental help or at least a referral for a therapist. I'm scared that they'll want to put me on some sort of drugs instead of into therapy. I'm scared that there really is something major wrong with me. I'm scared of him showing up. I'm scared of the questions he's going to ask me later if he doesn't show up. I know him. He'll keep questioning me all night if he wants to. He won't let me go to sleep. He's done this before. I'm scared that if he DOES show up I'll have to tell him he can't come in the room with me and the fight we'll have later because of THAT. 

I'm just so scared. My stomach is in knots and I feel all flushed.


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

Treatment is your choice, if you don’t feel medication is the way to go, tell the doctor that. Ask for a counseling referral first. If that doesn’t work, discuss medications with the doctor then. Your fiancé’s behavior is controlling and intrusive. Do you really want to move into a marriage with him? I hope the counseling helps with that.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Your MD may prescribe an anti-anxiety med or anti-depressant if it is warranted.
If you are having difficulty functioning (feeling you might vomit, would indicate a pretty high stress level) than I encourage you to be open to medication helping you get over the hump. You need to be able to conduct the business of your life. Short term meds can help you do that while you match yourself with a good therapist.


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

Yes, there is something wrong with you-you are tolerating intolerable treatment from your bf. Begin to protect yourself. Call ahead and tell the office people and doctor that if your boyfriend shows up, they should tell him he cannot come into the appointment with you. That will make one step easier.

Your bf's behavior is extremely controlling. Please ask for a referral for help for women in abusive relationships. If he has you this scared, then he has been intimidating you somehow--and not letting you sleep? That's just plain mean as well as weird and very controlling. There is NOTHING normal about his behavior. Showing up unasked at dr's appts is also abnormal. You must be on the watch for his behavior to escalate--abusive men start by controlling and then become increasingly abusive. I hope you will seriously consider getting out of this relationship; I cannot imagine what good comes from it if this is how fearful you are all the time. Good luck, and please stay in touch so we know you are safe and ok.


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## easysilence (Jul 1, 2009)

He showed up at my office a little while ago. He knows my appointment is today. I was SO NERVOUS that he was here I actually shook for about ten minutes after he left. He brought cookies for me. That's why he came here. 
But yeah, sisters, I do want out of this relationship but I'm having some trouble. 
Two weeks ago it got really bad and I asked him to move out. He basically said no. 
So now I'm stuck trying to find somewhere to go. And I have been watching the papers for something that would work for me and my kids, and I have been putting a little money away. 
But the bigger problem is me. I don't have the will power or strength to stand up to him at all. 
I am so nervous that I'll get a ****ty therapist, one that doesn't help me. 
But the thing is that I want HIM to LEAVE! I like my little house, and so do my kids! I pay all the bills even though he is supposed to pay the rent every month and I'm supposed to pay for everything else. He has paid the rent exactly twice in 2009. Not to mention he's gotten himself all tied up in an asset of mine, a vacant rental house that I've ALSO been paying the mortgage for that for over a year while it's vacant. He's supposed to be doing some work on the place to get it back up to par after a water leak. He's already taken quite a bit of money out of the insurance settlement, and I fear that he will hold that over my head. Like he'll refuse to finish the job or whatever. 
I'm just sick over all this. 
The appointment is getting closer, and I have NO IDEA if he's going to show up at the clinic. I hope he doesn't.


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## easysilence (Jul 1, 2009)

Before you ask, the rental house is nowhere near where I actually live, and that's why I own a rental house and also rent the house I live in. I know, it's wacky.


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## D8zed (Mar 12, 2009)

Please keep in mind that most prescribed anti-dep meds are very difficult to stop taking due to the side effects. (I know from personal experience.) You may want to try natural supplements like Deprex first. Just a thought.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

A counselor who is certified to do hypnotherapy would be an excellent choice for you. It is a wonderful choice for stress management. God knows I have stress and it really works. I can focus so much better now--and I don't take any medication. Hang in there!


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## Restless (Jul 6, 2009)

I know that "throw up" feeling. I have it anytime I think of leaving when I look at him. The unknown is frightening. The known is frightening. So how do you escape from the fright? I don't know the answer. But how many times are we supposed to try and answer the question? Everyone says, "make yourself happy". They usually leave off the "but make sure your happiness make everyone else happy". What happens when both things can't be true?

Be strong and safe and take care of yourself! Good luck!!


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## Sensitive (Mar 29, 2009)

I tried lots of over the counter supplements for moods, including St John's Wort, Sam-e, 5-HTP, tryptophan, and tyrosine. I still get occasional anxiety, and feel the best way to cope is to solve the problem. Your situation sounds very stressful, so it is natural to feel anxious by it. There are a lot of therapeutic options that does not include addictive, numbing drugs. Keep writing, hope you are feeling better.


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## TioMauricio (Jul 9, 2009)

easysilence said:


> Plus I have been distant with him lately, and it hasn't gone unnoticed. I think he wanted to fool around last night, but I am just SO not into it. Plus, it's not like he 'gets romantic'. He just kinda smiles and stares at me. When I ask him, "What?" he says, "Nothing," with that grin on his face.
> That's supposed to let me know he wants to fool around, I guess. And then he acts all pissy with me if I roll over and go to sleep.


OMG that is SO awkward! He just STARES at you? If my boyfriend ever did that to me I'd be like TELL me what's in your head, I'm not PSYCHIC!


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## easysilence (Jul 1, 2009)

Well the doctor didn't have much to say at all. I told her everything and managed to do it without shedding a single tear. My voice did crack a bit. 
But, it turns out they don't do referrals for counseling and all she would do is put me on wellbutrin. Which I took the first one this morning. 
I guess it will help me 'be happy' and also curb nicotine cravings. 

He never showed up at the appointment, so that's good. 

I was thoroughly disappointed with the doctor visit. But she did give me a few phone numbers for counselors and I made an appointment. 
I was disappointed, too, to find out how freaking EXPENSIVE counseling is even with insurance. I couldn't afford an actual doctor, so I made an appointment with a 'certified counselor'. 

What the hell does that even mean?


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

It simply a matter of what letters follow their name. A doctor, psychiatrist, neurologist, psychologist is going to have an MD or a PHD.

Most social workers, counselors, therapists, have a masters in either social work or psychology.

The wellbutrin won't make you 'happy'. What it will do, within about 2 weeks, is take away the shakes and that feeling like your going to puke.

To deal with the reasons 'why' you get shaky and feel sick, you need the therapist. If you were to contact a women's shelter or organization that deals with women's issues, I would think they could provide you with references well suited to your circumstances.


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## D8zed (Mar 12, 2009)

My counselor documented the visit in a way that would be covered under my insurance. I'm guessing it was documented as depression instead of marriage counseling, which isn't covered by my insurance.

You may want to check your insurance and mention it to the counselor.


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