# Broken Down



## underwater2010 (Jun 27, 2012)

I just feel so broken down right now. How much more can my shoulders handle? Spending time on infidelity forums drives my FWH nuts. Yet it is the only place I can vent and seek help. It helps me realize that I am not alone in the pain and anger. Anytime I bring up something about our marriage prior to the affair, he shuts down. Just doesn't want to talk. 

I know my life is boring. I am a mom all day long and my world revolves around making things better since the affair. I only work 4 nights a week at a bar. There is only so much I can talk about from the bar, before it gets repetative. So what am I to do? I always shoulder the pain for everyone in my family. I do not know if I can do it anymore.


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## sirdano (Dec 30, 2011)

IC and MC are a good place to start. And if you have a church see pastor for help.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

You can vent here. Private Members Section is good, plus there's the Off Topic Section for a bit of a natter and some fun.


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## Vegemite (Apr 12, 2012)

Put yourself first. Too bad if your CH doesn't like you being on these forums. That's his problem, not yours. Make it quite clear to him that you wouldn't need to be here, if he hadn't been such a selfish loser. This forum is a great source of support and valuable information that will help YOU, recover from what HE did to you.

Do some nice things for you, to cheer yourself up. Shopping?Movie? a good book?


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## Chris989 (Jul 3, 2012)

My WW hates me being on here - mainly because it often helps me see where I should call her out.

My advice: tell your spouse that you're only here because of what he did and that you would far rather be reading tmz or whatever.


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## Kanga (Sep 5, 2012)

I feel your pain. Being a mum can be boring but it's awesome too. Maybe find some other mums who can be a support to you. Be kind to yourself, maybe go and get your nails done? ((hugs))


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## cpacan (Jan 2, 2012)

Commit yourself. Commit yourself to love yourself 120 percent. Do things for you, work out, walk, run, read, talk with people. 

Love yourself just the way you are and you will be able to love him the way he is as well, but in due time.

And yes, loving yourself involves refusing to own his problems with you being at TAM or other sites.

Take care.


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## underwater2010 (Jun 27, 2012)

I am thinking I will be on the sites when he is not home. Just to keep things calm around the house. As far as reading....been hard to concentrate since dday. Just wanted to say thank you guys. Very few people in my real life want to talk about it anymore. I get the just let it go. You guys are great support!!!


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## Sara8 (May 2, 2012)

underwater2010 said:


> I am thinking I will be on the sites when he is not home. Just to keep things calm around the house. As far as reading....been hard to concentrate since dday. Just wanted to say thank you guys. Very few people in my real life want to talk about it anymore. I get the just let it go. You guys are great support!!!


My sTBEH hated when I told him I was visiting a supported forum for betrayed spouses. 

He told me I shouldn't trust anonymous advice posted on the internet. 

I guess he thought I should trust him instead.:scratchhead:


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

Sara8 said:


> My sTBEH hated when I told him I was visiting a supported forum for betrayed spouses.
> 
> He told me I shouldn't trust anonymous advice posted on the internet.
> 
> I guess he thought I should trust him instead.:scratchhead:


LOL! Mine, too. I shouldn't trust advice I was getting from strangers online. But he was all about trusting the advice he was getting from his buddies who are also WH's and from the OW ('cause, you know, they can be just friends now that they aren't having an affair anymore).


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## daggeredheart (Feb 21, 2012)

Liked but "disliked" the idea that you shoulder the pain for everyone, which is probably normal for women because we hold the nest together. 

I saw a article about remembering to "mother" yourself. Treat yourself like a wonderful mom would. Tired? Go take a small nap, even if for a few minutes. Feeling sad? Pour a cup of tea or coffee....have a good cry. Call a friend. Read books that lift you out of sadness. Feeling like sadness won't leave??? Good, embrace it, let it wash over you and then roll back out like a wave. It will come back along with it's good friends anger and distrust. That's ok, it supposed to because it's all part of the healing. 

Punch a pillow then hug yourself. Read the message boards and never feel ashamed to be here or at other sites. We all have a need to connect with others going through the same situation as a way to gauge our grasp on what happened to us. 

It's alright to do..... let it wash over you.


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## Falene (Dec 31, 2011)

If I didn't lurk here I would explode.


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## underwater2010 (Jun 27, 2012)

Falene said:


> If I didn't lurk here I would explode.


lol....although another forum almost made me explode. Remind me to stay away from unrepenting WS/OW/OM. I got kicked off of one due to not holding back on them in defense. Lesson learned....I deleted the account.


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## chumplady (Jul 27, 2012)

Hey underwater, you're welcome to come vent over at my blog any time (link at my signature). 

What is your WH doing to help you? I don't like that he's threatened by you seeking support. Lob that one back in his court, as the others said, you wouldn't need TAM and other sites if it were not for his cheating.

You work and you raise children -- you're mighty! Be kind to yourself.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

underwater2010 said:


> lol....although another forum almost made me explode. Remind me to stay away from unrepenting WS/OW/OM. I got kicked off of one due to not holding back on them in defense. Lesson learned....I deleted the account.


Oh. I think I visited that site. It made me go
RAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! just like that.... :rofl:


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## So Sad Lady (Aug 31, 2012)

My WH now just pretends he doesn't know what I'm doing. I am not going to hide it or only do it when he's around, I'm going to come on here and read or post whenever I want. Its because of him that I found this site. 
AND... Its not like I'm taking pix of myself and sending them to some loser. (oops, sorry!I regress!) 

I too get the "JUST LET IT GO AND FORGET IT. I DID." Nice that he can "forget" what he did - while I've spent a summer of torment. 

Its like Matt says, I'd much rather be reading about ANYTHING than having a reason to visit here every day.


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## So Sad Lady (Aug 31, 2012)

Oh, and if you accidentally make a typo coming to TAM - and spell marriage as "marraige", it brings up a dating site. ARGH.


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## barbados (Aug 30, 2012)

If visiting this site helps you and your marriage, then I don't se any problem.


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## underwater2010 (Jun 27, 2012)

:iagree:

Meant for the big

RAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!


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