# why would i have sex with my WS?



## serenity 02030 (Mar 29, 2011)

Hi everyone! My story is under the title LEFT HEARTBROKEN BY HUSBAND AFFAIR....I will try to link it here. It's been a little over two weeks that the awful, disgusting D-day occured. You all were very supportive and helpful to me. Ive been reading so many other threads just to learn more and identify with others.
My quick story..husband of 24 years..i am 45 he 46...
We have had a good marriage (so i thought) and have 3 kids and a life together.
Two weeks ago I found a secret phone between my husdband and this other woman, that is 25 years old! My husbans said it meant nothing and that he has been trying to end it, but she is a little crazy and didnt want her to make a scene at his job. I can not forget about the awful details and things I read and heard. He is completely remorseful, with ful disclosure, no contact, blocking number, sending her the I love my family text..counseling etc..
Here is my question..he took me away for my birthday weekend to our old college and spent the night. I was so hesitant about going, but went and actually had a good time. Then back to reality. Well we wound up having pretty passionate sex and I just dont know how I couldve done that. I still have feelings of wanting him that way. I really dont care if it is sending him the wrong message. Here is another awful detail, I have not got the results of my std test yet. It was a blood test and is taking a very long time. What the hell is wrong with me?


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## Unsure in Seattle (Sep 6, 2011)

Nothing is "wrong" with you. You're a human being, like anyone else... and you were caught up in the moment by someone who, normally, you trust and love.

Now, logically, I would tell you to hold off on more untill everything checks out. But please don't beat yourself up for it.


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## SomedayDig (Jul 17, 2012)

How long has this affair been going on for?

If you're trying to reconcile, then having sex is one of those hit and miss kind of things. I know for my marriage, sometimes I get triggered and it isn't the best experience.

What I don't like about your story is the whole "been trying to end it but she is a little crazy" crap. How many WS's say that? Is that like a script, too? It seems like he might be remorseful and NC and stuff, but putting it off on her that she's "crazy" as an excuse to NOT break it off is insane. I mean, I'd assume he was having sex with her while "trying to break it off", too...


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## bribrius (Jun 29, 2012)

it was my experience in the past that when i was having sex with more than one woman and they knew about eachother they both tried harder in bed.
I think most women are that way. If you are sleeping with another woman they will just want to sleep with you more. Maybe its a woman trait? But from a guys perspective, they almost seem competitive and will really step up the the plate to be a great lay if they know you are sleeping with someone else too.

it isnt just you. Really. Not even close to just you.

p.s.
i have never been that way married. i am talking dating. Like when i was screwing to girls that were friends, or one girl that heard of or new of another girl etc. 
They seem to be trying to win your affection or just to win or something. Like its a weird game in their heads.
it was like they tried twice as hard in sack to please.


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## Chris989 (Jul 3, 2012)

For about 6 weeks after DD I desired my WW in a very physical way and we had more sex and more intensely physical sex than we have had for 99% of the time in our 22 year marriage.

This was after me finding out about her intensely physical PA with a man who is a total loser.

I would go from looking at her and her making my skin crawl to desiring her in a way that totally took me by surprise.

This was mixed in with some other totally surprising feelings about what turned me on.

That has now stopped but it seemed to fulfill some function and in fact even now I no longer desire my WW in any sense the simple act helps calm my mind.

Bottom line: don't feel bad, roll with it. If it feels good just do it and see what comes out in the wash. Enjoy it while you can.

I'm sorry the actions of your incredibly selfish husband have brought you here.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

serenity 02030 said:


> Hi everyone! My story is under the title LEFT HEARTBROKEN BY HUSBAND AFFAIR....I will try to link it here. It's been a little over two weeks that the awful, disgusting D-day occured. You all were very supportive and helpful to me. Ive been reading so many other threads just to learn more and identify with others.
> My quick story..husband of 24 years..i am 45 he 46...
> We have had a good marriage (so i thought) and have 3 kids and a life together.
> Two weeks ago I found a secret phone between my husdband and this other woman, that is 25 years old! My husbans said it meant nothing and that he has been trying to end it, but she is a little crazy and didnt want her to make a scene at his job. I can not forget about the awful details and things I read and heard. He is completely remorseful, with ful disclosure, no contact, blocking number, sending her the I love my family text..counseling etc..
> Here is my question..he took me away for my birthday weekend to our old college and spent the night. I was so hesitant about going, but went and actually had a good time. Then back to reality. Well we wound up having pretty passionate sex and I just dont know how I couldve done that. I still have feelings of wanting him that way. I really dont care if it is sending him the wrong message. Here is another awful detail, I have not got the results of my std test yet. It was a blood test and is taking a very long time. What the hell is wrong with me?


*There is nothing wrong with you!*

It's possible you were sort of staking a claim on your WS? Or, well, you just wanted sex with your husband?


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## hurtingbadly (Sep 14, 2011)

I went thru hysterical bonding, we had the best sex in our entire marriage... Then reality hit. Now I feel like he's ruined sex for me. It's all triggers.


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