# role play: quick question



## AmICrazy43 (Jul 31, 2017)

So...it's been brought up to me that she wants to meet at a bar and pretend we are strangers. We would have different names and such. This came up less than a week ago through text. She mentioned it again tonight in person.

My question is, what does this mean? Is she bored? I know people do this sort of thing, and I'm fine with that. I'm just not sure it's something I would be able to maintain or even if I want to do it at all. I'm mostly wondering why she would want to do this. Can anyone with experience enlighten me on this topic.

Thank you.


----------



## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

Just something a little different....but with the man she loves and wants! Win, win!


----------



## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

Well, @AmICrazy43, without knowing more of your story (such as, is there a reason she'd be bored or is she just coming out of an affair), it's kind of hard for us to literally guess. 

However, some people who are pretty straight-laced want to role play so they can "be someone else" and be a little wild and crazy...but safe. 

Some people want to add a little kink but they aren't too kinky...so role playing is a relatively safe way to try something new. 

Some people role play to change up the power dynamic in the relationship, like if you're usually pretty alpha male and she's usually pretty passive and pursued, she may enjoy trying out being the strong one who pursues YOU.

Some people are just curious and want to give it a try. 

Some people want to act out a fantasy, but do so in a safe way with someone whom they trust and with whom they feel secure. I mean, she's kind of putting herself out there in a risky way. 

Some people find role playing is a really strong way to express emotions or sexual passion that they are too shy to express "as themselves"

Some people just want to keep the spark alive. 


See? There are a lot of reasons she may want to do this, and not all of them are "bad" reasons or suspicious. Then again, I don't have all the facts. If she just had an affair and now she suggests this...I'd say that's a red flag! But if she's just your average, vanilla housewife and out of the blue she suggested this, it could be she's just trying to keep things interesting. After all, she didn't hide her fantasy from you, and she wants you to participate--sounds like a good thing to me.


----------



## Bonkers (Nov 26, 2017)

Your wife wants to play sex games. 

Don't question it. 

Just go have fun, it's not that difficult. She arrives first, you drive over there 20 minutes later, you walk in, look around, see her, go up to her and start hatting her up. 

I mean really what's the worst that can happen? You both break out into hysterics?

You'll still end up in bed. 

There are worse ways to spend an evening.


----------



## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Hmmmm sounds like BJ potential


----------



## AmICrazy43 (Jul 31, 2017)

Thanks for the VERY insightful replies so far. Just for clarification, no affairs on either of our parts has occurred.

Maybe I'm just overthinking things. I guess I feel that we are pretty good in the bedroom (we cover quite a bit of ground there...trying not to be too TMI), and just wondering why we would need to "spice" things up. I'm not opposed to the idea but it makes me wonder why we would need to take things to a new/different level. I feel like I'm not doing enough somewhere along the line (not necessarily sexually related). If we do this, does it stop there? Will there be a new bar or next level after this? Is she missing something I'm not able to provide? Does she need something that I can't provide? I guess I'm a little insecure about it because I'm wondering if whatever I do is not enough.


----------



## AmICrazy43 (Jul 31, 2017)

Marc878 said:


> Hmmmm sounds like BJ potential


That totally made me laugh out loud!!! :laugh:


----------



## Bonkers (Nov 26, 2017)

AmICrazy43 said:


> ̶M̶a̶y̶b̶e̶ I'm just overthinking things.


There. Fixed that for ya.


----------



## AmICrazy43 (Jul 31, 2017)

Bonkers said:


> There. Fixed that for ya.


Got it. You're right. I hate my brain sometimes!! lol!


----------



## Suspicious1 (Nov 19, 2017)

I was just talking to my W about this same type of roll playing. I wanted us to meet in a hotel lobby bar for our anniversary next year. Get some drinks, food and if I'm successful a hotel room, haha.

I love to buy her dresses and shoes, and wanted for us to pretend as long as possible maintain some of act of sorts, nothing over the top. Some great and sexy conversation would be the icing on the cake for sure.

I guess it was a way to have fun and be a little naughty. 
Not sure if she was really interested in my proposal, but I'm eager to make it happen.

So I wouldn't worry about the why she wants do this, but feel lucky your wife is asking for you to play!!!!

Have fun.

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk


----------



## FrazzledSadHusband (Jul 3, 2014)

Take her to a motel after you "pick her up" at the bar. Lot of comments on TAM where the wife gets a lot more in the mood in a motel than ant home!

May be the best money you have spent!


----------



## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

Just a kink of hers. Sounds fun and gives you an excuse to suggest something the next time.


----------



## WildMustang (Nov 7, 2017)

Dude, just go with it! And ENJOY! >


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

I think that if my husband and I did this we would both end up in hysterics. We wouldn't be able to keep a straight face if we looked each other in the eye.:grin2:


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

It is hysterical at first, but you get better at it. It's fun. Played alot of games in the past. "Body inspection", "Superior officer", etc, even better if you dress the part, and if each partner gets their own outfit themselves as to surprise their SO. Like popular films/TV shows/game characters? Cosplay! Have an imagination!

Back in marriage since I was with ex-wife for so long sometimes we could chat, then make a joke about a popular character in a movie, then she would imitate her and I followed suit by imitating the character's male interest, then we end up acting the parts, and the sex was fun, exciting, and refreshing. It can be just as natural as that. Let your creative side flow.


----------



## MrsHolland (Jun 18, 2016)

It's just a bit of fun. I'm the type to laugh but then I laugh at most things. MrH can play a role very well, porno cop is my fave.


----------



## RClawson (Sep 19, 2011)

Tell her you will gladly play along if she is up for a game of "Escaped Convict and Warden's Wife" next weekend.


----------



## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

Is this the same girlfriend who is still attached to her ex and shared a hotel room with him at a Phish concert that you didnt want to go to ? Have you now reconciled (because last I heard you two had split up)?


----------



## AmICrazy43 (Jul 31, 2017)

manfromlamancha said:


> Is this the same girlfriend who is still attached to her ex and shared a hotel room with him at a Phish concert that you didnt want to go to ? Have you now reconciled (because last I heard you two had split up)?



It is and we have reconciled. It took a while but we have moved past that.

I'm just insecure and feel like I bore her.


----------



## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

AmICrazy43 said:


> manfromlamancha said:
> 
> 
> > Is this the same girlfriend who is still attached to her ex and shared a hotel room with him at a Phish concert that you didnt want to go to ? Have you now reconciled (because last I heard you two had split up)?
> ...


Can I ask what your plan is when you get to the bar and some other guy is hitting on her?
This isn’t role play,she wants to flirt with other men and you get to watch. If the other guy thinks you are cockblocking him and assaults you,what then? If you end up in hospital she will be free to meet whoever she wants and imagine how insecure you will feel then.


----------



## AmICrazy43 (Jul 31, 2017)

Andy1001 said:


> Can I ask what your plan is when you get to the bar and some other guy is hitting on her?
> This isn’t role play,she wants to flirt with other men and you get to watch. If the other guy thinks you are cockblocking him and assaults you,what then? If you end up in hospital she will be free to meet whoever she wants and imagine how insecure you will feel then.


This is also a bit of a concern of mine. Not so much getting assaulted but I do see the potential for a bad situation to come out of doing this. In a way, it makes me feel that I'm not "good" enough and that she wants to pretend I'm someone else. For me it goes back to me feeling like she's bored with me.

One side issue is that she likes to go to restaurants and bars. She doesn't do that too often with friends and her and I don't go out very often. A couple of reasons for that is because of money and the fact that I have social anxiety and I really don't like restaurants or bars. 

I think her and I have different sets of priorities. This is kind of one example. We were supposed to go grocery shopping at a wholesale place this weekend but she no longer wants to because she usually spends a couple of hundred dollars when we go (which goes along way in terms of the items purchased) and she is lean on funds because her mortgage payment is due. However, she still wants to go to a bar this coming week. We're going to spend at least $50 to $100 at a bar, especially if we get food. To me it says she would rather go to a bar or out to eat rather than buying groceries. Plus, she has two young boys to feed. 

I don't want to stray too far from the topic at hand with the last bit I mentioned. I guess it's a bit pertinent as an example of her enjoying going out (even though she really can't afford it) and me being a stick in the mud because I prefer to be more practical or frugal. I've pushed myself to do things that I don't feel comfortable doing in terms of going out and she would say she's compromised by doing less of the things she likes doing but in the end we have two different outlooks. I don't want to be that lame, boring guy and lose someone because of that but at the same time, I don't want to lose myself either. I hope that made a little sense. I feel like I'm rambling here.


----------



## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

You would prefer to feed her and your family rather than go and waste money at a bar.My friend that does not make you a stick in the mud,in my book that makes you a stand up decent guy who puts the welfare of his family before nights out in a bar and don’t let anyone tell you different especially your wife.


----------



## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Maybe she’ll let her hair down and let you play “Dirty Gynecologist!”

Go for it!*


----------



## WildMustang (Nov 7, 2017)

MrsHolland said:


> It's just a bit of fun. I'm the type to laugh but then I laugh at most things. MrH can play a role very well, porno cop is my fave.


I LOVE it! Complete with handcuffs and...>


----------



## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

I'd missed that this game involved other people. That seems like a bad idea IMHO.


----------



## AmICrazy43 (Jul 31, 2017)

arbitrator said:


> *Maybe she’ll let her hair down and let you play “Dirty Gynecologist!”
> 
> Go for it!*


Well that's the thing I don't get. It's not like our sex life is boring. We certainly cover all of the bases there.


----------



## AmICrazy43 (Jul 31, 2017)

uhtred said:


> I'd missed that this game involved other people. That seems like a bad idea IMHO.


No, it's not supposed to involve other people. The other poster brought up the point that what happens when other guys are talking to or "hitting" on her before I get there. It's not part of the game but it's something that could happen. Especially since she is the extroverted type that will talk to anyone.


----------



## Volunteer86 (Aug 2, 2017)

I actually saw a documentary where a Rabbi suggested this where the woman would go to a bar or someplace and the man would come in later. He suggested it build self confidence in the female and the male sees his wife dressed nice and appreciates her etc.

OP I see this as your wife reaching out to you to try something new in a good way. She wants to include you and you should go with it and have fun. Keep us updated.



Andy1001 said:


> Can I ask what your plan is when you get to the bar and some other guy is hitting on her?
> This isn’t role play,she wants to flirt with other men and you get to watch. If the other guy thinks you are cockblocking him and assaults you,what then? If you end up in hospital she will be free to meet whoever she wants and imagine how insecure you will feel then.


----------



## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

Thats OK, but she should turn down any significant flirting by other men. ("I'm waiting for someone" works).



AmICrazy43 said:


> No, it's not supposed to involve other people. The other poster brought up the point that what happens when other guys are talking to or "hitting" on her before I get there. It's not part of the game but it's something that could happen. Especially since she is the extroverted type that will talk to anyone.


----------



## AmICrazy43 (Jul 31, 2017)

I just want to clarify for the sake of this thread and for the posters who replied that we are not married. She is my SO. Not that it matters but I just wanted to clear up that detail.

Thank you all!


----------



## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

A number of years ago a neighbor of mine played in a cover band,just local bars and halls,nothing too serious. Him and his wife had a role play game going where she would play a groupie and he would talk to her from the stage. She would eventually ask him to play her favorite song which was “wonderful tonight” and they would leave together. 
One night before she got there a few drunk girls were flirting with the band and of course the guys in the band were playing along. Everything was fine until my neighbors wife came in and he turned his attention to her. The other girls didn’t like this and one of them attacked my friends wife and smashed a glass into her face. She still bears the scars to this day. 
Role playing is fine,keep it to your own home or bedroom though.


----------



## Bonkers (Nov 26, 2017)

Andy1001 said:


> Can I ask what your plan is when you get to the bar and some other guy is hitting on her?
> This isn’t role play,she wants to flirt with other men and you get to watch. If the other guy thinks you are cockblocking him and assaults you,what then? If you end up in hospital she will be free to meet whoever she wants and imagine how insecure you will feel then.


C'mon what are the odds that in the 15-20 minutes she'll be at the bar alone some guy will approach her, hit on her and then reacts violently when the "real" boyfriend arrives?

If you're that paranoid, then maybe she should never leave the house because, hey, she could be hit on and assaulted in the grocery store or walking to work from the parking lot.




AmICrazy43 said:


> It is [the same girlfriend who slept in a hotel room with her exhusband who she was still married to at the time and didn't tell the Op that she was sleeping in the same hotel room with him but said nothing happened] and we have reconciled. It took a while but we have moved past that.
> 
> I'm just insecure and feel like I bore her.


Well, that little bit of info makes a BIG difference. She cheated on you, never came clean about it, you buried it under the rug and there it is, still haunting you, just like it will for as long as you stay with her. No wonder you're insecure. Most guys would be given the history. 

Doesn't change the plan though. Keep her interested, keep her satisfied, keep her happy or she'll be sharing a hotel room with another guy again and telling you it was business only.


----------



## Volunteer86 (Aug 2, 2017)

OP Do you have a time when its going to take place?


----------



## Bonkers (Nov 26, 2017)

From your other thread, from 3 months ago:



AmICrazy43 said:


> I guess one of the things that makes going through this difficult is realizing that someone you care about has absolutely no respect for you or your feelings. This ordeal has really played on and diminished my self-respect.
> 
> She never apologized or even acknowledged that what she did was wrong. In her mind, it's no big deal. I think she is simply incapable of maintaining a healthy relationship.


You said you don't want to stray too far off topic. Seems to me like her lack of respect and boundary issues ARE the issue. This woman slept in a hotel room with her husband while you and she were in an exclusive committed relationship! You acknowledged numerous times on that other thread that what she did was unforgivable and yet 3 months later, even though you never got a reasonable explanation or apology, you've blindly accepted it and reconciled with her.

Your question about "role playing" is like someone in the midst of the California fires saying "should I add more fish to this aquarium"?


----------



## AmICrazy43 (Jul 31, 2017)

Volunteer86 said:


> OP Do you have a time when its going to take place?


She wants to do this sometime next week. On Thursday or Friday.


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

RandomDude said:


> It is hysterical at first, but you get better at it. It's fun. Played alot of games in the past. "Body inspection", "Superior officer", etc, even better if you dress the part, and if each partner gets their own outfit themselves as to surprise their SO. Like popular films/TV shows/game characters? Cosplay! Have an imagination!
> 
> Back in marriage since I was with ex-wife for so long sometimes we could chat, then make a joke about a popular character in a movie, then she would imitate her and I followed suit by imitating the character's male interest, then we end up acting the parts, and the sex was fun, exciting, and refreshing. It can be just as natural as that. Let your creative side flow.


I just couldn't keep a straight face when doing stuff like that.


----------



## AmICrazy43 (Jul 31, 2017)

Bonkers said:


> C'mon what are the odds that in the 15-20 minutes she'll be at the bar alone some guy will approach her, hit on her and then reacts violently when the "real" boyfriend arrives?
> 
> If you're that paranoid, then maybe she should never leave the house because, hey, she could be hit on and assaulted in the grocery store or walking to work from the parking lot.
> 
> ...



I really don't think she cheated on me when all of that happened. She did finally apologize and recognized that what she did was wrong. I really think she was sincere. But, it does boil down to lack of boundaries and again, I feel like I'm a bore to her because I don't want to do things like travel to NY for a few days to see a Phish show or meet at a bar and pretend we are strangers. Or, she wanted to go on a trip this month to...anywhere really until she realized that it wasn't feasible in terms of money. She certainly is quite whimsical but doesn't have the finances to support that. She always wants to be out, dining, travelling or running off to follow a band but financially, it's not doable. I know I certainly can't keep up with going on trips every other month or spending $100 to $200 per weekend going out. At this stage of my life, that's not just not my thing. If I could afford it, I might be down for it, but I can't. Hence the reason why I feel like I bore her. And now, she wants me to pretend to be a stranger. It leaves me scratching my head. I guess I don't make her happy because I can't "stimulate" her in the way of going out and traveling. In terms of the bedroom, I'm pretty sure we're fine there, at least I think. I mean, we're pretty wild in that department. I don't want to get into any of that in detail though. I guess in a way, she makes me feel inadequate to a degree in the fact that she always wants to be on the go but financially neither one of us can do that.


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Diana7 said:


> I just couldn't keep a straight face when doing stuff like that.


Heh don't try to, ex and I used to laugh all the time in the midst of it, it's for fun.


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

AmICrazy43 said:


> I really don't think she cheated on me when all of that happened. She did finally apologize and recognized that what she did was wrong. I really think she was sincere. But, it does boil down to lack of boundaries and again, I feel like I'm a bore to her because I don't want to do things like travel to NY for a few days to see a Phish show or meet at a bar and pretend we are strangers. Or, she wanted to go on a trip this month to...anywhere really until she realized that it wasn't feasible in terms of money. She certainly is quite whimsical but doesn't have the finances to support that. She always wants to be out, dining, travelling or running off to follow a band but financially, it's not doable. I know I certainly can't keep up with going on trips every other month or spending $100 to $200 per weekend going out. At this stage of my life, that's not just not my thing. If I could afford it, I might be down for it, but I can't. Hence the reason why I feel like I bore her. And now, she wants me to pretend to be a stranger. It leaves me scratching my head. I guess I don't make her happy because I can't "stimulate" her in the way of going out and traveling. In terms of the bedroom, I'm pretty sure we're fine there, at least I think. I mean, we're pretty wild in that department. I don't want to get into any of that in detail though. I guess in a way, she makes me feel inadequate to a degree in the fact that she always wants to be on the go but financially neither one of us can do that.


You may just have to accept that you are the mature one with the common sense and she is the immature one with little common sense. It seem she is seeking constant thrills and excitement and life isn't like that all the time.


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

RandomDude said:


> Heh don't try to, ex and I used to laugh all the time in the midst of it, it's for fun.


----------



## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

AmICrazy43 said:


> I really don't think she cheated on me when all of that happened. She did finally apologize and recognized that what she did was wrong. I really think she was sincere. But, it does boil down to lack of boundaries and again, I feel like I'm a bore to her because I don't want to do things like travel to NY for a few days to see a Phish show or meet at a bar and pretend we are strangers. Or, she wanted to go on a trip this month to...anywhere really until she realized that it wasn't feasible in terms of money. She certainly is quite whimsical but doesn't have the finances to support that. She always wants to be out, dining, travelling or running off to follow a band but financially, it's not doable. I know I certainly can't keep up with going on trips every other month or spending $100 to $200 per weekend going out. At this stage of my life, that's not just not my thing. If I could afford it, I might be down for it, but I can't. Hence the reason why I feel like I bore her. And now, she wants me to pretend to be a stranger. It leaves me scratching my head. I guess I don't make her happy because I can't "stimulate" her in the way of going out and traveling. In terms of the bedroom, I'm pretty sure we're fine there, at least I think. I mean, we're pretty wild in that department. I don't want to get into any of that in detail though. I guess in a way, she makes me feel inadequate to a degree in the fact that she always wants to be on the go but financially neither one of us can do that.


Your girlfriend needs to grow up fairly soon.
And you need to stop contributing financially to her immature behavior.
I’m not sure whether you have kids together,if not then don’t babysit hers.
In your other thread she manipulated you into not going to the show by changing plans constantly,playing on your anxiety and you then found out she had actually booked a hotel room with her husband all along and never would have told you if you hadn’t found out.
Please open your eyes here,how long will this game take to move on to the next stage where she sits with a guy all night while you get to go home with her.Then she meets a guy alone and comes home to you,and so on and so on.
Role playing can be great between two people who love and implicitly trust each other.Your girlfriend gives off more red flags than a parade in red square.


----------



## msggirl69 (Nov 8, 2017)

I don’t think you anything to worry about. It’s fantasy she wants to share with a man she loves. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

AmICrazy43 said:


> So...it's been brought up to me that she wants to meet at a bar and pretend we are strangers. We would have different names and such. This came up less than a week ago through text. She mentioned it again tonight in person.
> 
> My question is, what does this mean? Is she bored? I know people do this sort of thing, and I'm fine with that. I'm just not sure it's something I would be able to maintain or even if I want to do it at all. I'm mostly wondering why she would want to do this. Can anyone with experience enlighten me on this topic.
> 
> Thank you.


When you get to the bar flirt with her and make her enjoy herself.

If you want to push the envelope ask her to go to the ladies room and take her panties off for you.

When about to leave the bar ask her if on the way to "her place" she would like to stop by a tatoo parlor? (don't actually do it!)

On the way home stop by a pharmacy or sex shop and pick up some lube and condoms

Enjoy life. 

She has been brave enough to share a hidden fantasy with you. If she can't share her sex secrets with her husband/boyfried, who can she share them with. She trusts you, don't mess up that trust.


----------



## AmICrazy43 (Jul 31, 2017)

Andy1001 said:


> Your girlfriend needs to grow up fairly soon.
> And you need to stop contributing financially to her immature behavior.
> I’m not sure whether you have kids together,if not then don’t babysit hers.
> In your other thread she manipulated you into not going to the show by changing plans constantly,playing on your anxiety and you then found out she had actually booked a hotel room with her husband all along and never would have told you if you.
> ...


Honestly, my sentiment follows your insight. Another poster mentioned this being a fantasy of hers that she is willing to open up and trust me with. The thing is, we've talked openly about plenty of things sexually and this has never come up in over 3 years. Outside of a threesome or this, sexually, we've done it. I honestly think she is bored and needs "more" outside stimulus and this is her way of making that happen. A first step so to speak. I mean, what's next? Threesome?? I don't know, I think it's a flag as well.


----------



## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

curious Crazy, did she come back to you after that ordeal or did you reach out to her....reason why i say that is that speaks to who has more control over the relationship going forward.


----------



## AmICrazy43 (Jul 31, 2017)

Lostinthought61 said:


> curious Crazy, did she come back to you after that ordeal or did you reach out to her....reason why i say that is that speaks to who has more control over the relationship going forward.


She reached out to me.


----------

