# Am I being reasonable, or am I at fault?



## anneb24 (Mar 30, 2020)

Please be nice. I'm already in this situation.

I have been married for almost 2 yrs (this Nov) and am unhappy and contemplating divorce. The sad part is that a year before I got married, I was already regretting it. You see, I am Armenian, and did not like men of my culture. I was dating outside the race, and my parents were not having it. I did my own thing, but every so often their disapproval would creep up and upset me. Needless to say, I gave up, and basically dated and married the first Armenian guy (my now husband) to take interest in me. He is a very nice, polite, hard-working guy. He is also a lawyer who works all the time. I am alone in this marriage, and knowing I went into it half-assed, it just got worse, it didn't get better or convince me that I did the right thing. He is somewhat inexperienced w women (as I have come to learn), and needs help knowing that he has a wife who needs attention too. In the last 1.5 yrs of our marriage, we have gone grocery shopping together twice, and never even to the mall. We only TRY to have a date night maybe once a month and on a Saturday, so if I am working one of those Saturdays, we just don't..

It's to a point where we have sex once a month, and it feels like a chore. I have brought all of this to his attention. When he kisses me in the day, its on the cheek, never tries to be sexual or anything to make me feel desirable. I brought up an example where Id like for him to grab my butt sometimes, and it's the ONLY thing he does now, almost like if I said I want my nose picked, it's the only thing he would do. I am at my wit's end. I am 30, he is 34. And I have actually, after several several mentions of this to him, we decided that if we cant make it work by the end of this year, we will divorce amicably. I am living a comfortable life, hes a lawyer, I'm a nurse, but it's perpetually boring and nothing to look forward to. I spend my days off out and about doing my own thing, and when I get home, it is usually in bed by 7pm.

More than that, it's my parents who are having these panic attacks of the thought of my divorcing, so I honestly feel like I'm keeping this ****ing marriage together just for them.

I havent been sexually attracted to my husband in almost a year now, and how can I be when he sleeps on the couch (because according to him, he wakes up early for his work from home), and only sleeps in the bed w me once a week? He never enlightens me or teaches me anything new, so I am very alone in this marriage. I cant imagine the rest of my life being this way. As much as I wanted kids before, I don't anymore. Not even a little. What do you think I could do?

I was thinking if I divorce, to do it quietly away from my parents, and get an apt. I dont know how to ignite that spark. I married for the wrong reasons and hes a great guy, but not the guy for me. Even though he says he is trying now, I can't seem to be into it anymore.

I'm so sorry that this is long, I am very lost these days. Very depressed, very hopeless


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

anneb24 said:


> More than that, it's my parents who are having these panic attacks of the thought of my divorcing, so I honestly feel like I'm keeping this ****ing marriage together just for them.


Sadly, this is the result of trying to live for, and please, someone other than yourself. Divorce your husband so both of you can find partners who are a better match. If the feelings aren't there, then they aren't there. And quit trying to pacify or please your parents. It's YOUR life, not theirs. So find a man - no matter what his cultural background - who will be the right match for you.


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## kclark30 (Nov 6, 2021)

You need to get divorced to make yourself happy. It's not worth it to you to spend anymore time with him when it sounds like it just isn't going to work out. You will never make others happy so stop trying. It's your life and you have to make yourself happy. I'm sure your perfect someone is just waiting for you.


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