# Reasons why a husband wants sex with his wife.....



## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

So, I posted reasons why women don't want sex with their husbands and a solutions list to resolve this as well. Alot of women were curious why some men do not want sex with their wives but I would like to spin that from the negative and turn it more in to the positive. Call me the female Dan Savage. So ladies, if you see you are lacking in this list, this might be your key to a happier sex life.

To preface, these are 4 married men and one divorced man. 2 are happily married for over 12 years, 1 is unhappily married for 7 and another is divorced but in a serious 3 year relationship. The last is my BIL who is dealing with his wife's infidelity. Married 10 years and struggling. They often call me or email me for advice as I have known most of them for over 20 years and they are very close friends of my husband and yes he knows they all ask for advice. 

So here goes in no particular order except number 1: 

1. Love. They love you. They really do. They feel your love through sex. They feel the closeness and the connection. It isn't about the physical release, it is about the bond and it secures them in feeling your love for them.
2. Beauty. They think you are gorgeous. They appreciate that you take the time to take care of yourself and look good. They do view this as a reflection on them and thus feel you respect them by trying your best.
3. Stress. Sometimes no matter how much gaming they play, sex is the best relief for stress. Be it a tough day at work or something coming up, this calms them down.
4. Porn. They see things and want to try it out. It triggers a sensor and they are ready. They don't want you to be a porn star, they want you to be willing to try something different, within reason.
5. Infidelity. They want to restake their "claim" to you and want to do it often. 
6. Promotion. A promotion can be a huge feather in his cap and he wants to feel love and appreciation from you. Go back to #1.
7. Job loss. Society puts so much pressure on men to be providers regardless if their wives work. A man without employment feels this. He needs to feel "manly" and sex provides this. This time is crucial.
8. Death. Losing a loved one can be very detrimental to a man. He feels his own mortality. Sex helps him feel immortal for a brief period of time. 
9. Health. A man who has sex regularly lives longer and is at less risk for certain illnesses. Sure his hand can take care of that but a man who is happy and loves his partner lives years longer. 
10. Thoughts of others. Most men have thoughts of others. They love the way their female co-worker laughs at their jokes and makes them feel good. They want you to do that. You are their world. Having regular sex ensures a continued bond and they are unlikely to stray if they feel you adore them.
11. Ego. Getting up to go to work knowing that last night your wife rocked your world is a huge ego boost to a man. Knowing he rocked your world is an even bigger one. 
12. Becoming a Father. This is a HUGELY stressful time for a man. He often feels helpless and second class. The focus is around the baby and the new Mother and he often feels selfish for having needs. He does need to feel cherished and loved and that means sex, granted after a doctor has given the sign off. 
13. He had an accident. Go back to #8 and #1. 
14. You are stressed. They want to help you. They want to make you feel better. An orgasm would make you feel better in a mans mind.
15. Adoration. He adores you. He wants you. He in turn wants you to adore him. He wants to make love to you and only you. Go back to #1.

So there it is.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

LOVE IT - this may have been in there Brennan but I'll add - Reassurance that his love still finds him attractive, loves and accepts him; likes his partners ass or other parts, gets turned on; to feel good about himself; to brighten his day.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

Catherine602 said:


> LOVE IT - this may have been in there Brennan but I'll add - Reassurance that his love still finds him attractive, loves and accepts him; likes his partners ass or other parts, gets turned on; to feel good about himself; to brighten his day.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Oh it's in there baby! Subtle but it is in there. 1 and 11.


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## Mrs.G (Nov 20, 2010)

The job loss one stands out for me. When Mr.G lost his job and was having difficulty finding employment, we made love all the time. I understood that he needed to feel that I still desired him. 
We recently broke one of the wheels on our bed frame. ;-) I sent a racy email today to my husband and he mentioned the "high energy sessions."
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Fordsvt (Dec 24, 2010)

That is a great list and very true!


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## MarriedGirl_2007 (Mar 29, 2011)

I agree with all but 5 as my fiancee was cheated on by his ex he wanted nothing to do with her sexually.


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## Draguna (Jan 13, 2011)

Well, uh, feature complete I guess. Can't think of anything else. Only doubt about 5, but I never had her cheat on me, so dunno.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jezza (Jan 12, 2011)

See...we really are very simple animals...easy to please!


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## venis (Mar 8, 2011)

Well done well stated, but as a male I might add one more please.
LUST a Husband won't always admitt it but it's pure and simple lust the male instint to take his women and have his way, what we might call cave man sex. Men need this every once in a while.


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

jezza said:


> See...we really are very simple animals...easy to please!


So basically morning, noon and night. Easy to please? Men are about as easy to please as women. We all have our issues.


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

Brennan,

Please start a thread with reasons why a wife wants sex with her husband! Mine is very basic. Love and desire!


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

greenpearl said:


> Brennan,
> 
> Please start a thread with reasons why a wife wants sex with her husband! Mine is very basic. Love and desire!


I think I have done enough lists. Apparently people do like my writing style though. 
Eh, maybe next week.


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

Brennan said:


> I think I have done enough lists. Apparently people do like my writing style though.
> Eh, maybe next week.


The lists give people a lot to ponder! 

My husband agrees with the lists you made too! 

I know how to run my marriage, but I don't know how to give advice! Don't know how to achieve that skill!


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## Bigwayneo (Jan 22, 2011)

MarriedGirl_2007 said:


> I agree with all but 5 as my fiancee was cheated on by his ex he wanted nothing to do with her sexually.


It depends on the person. I found out about my DW's A 3 months ago. Once I decided to work it out, all I want to do is "reclaim" what was mine.


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## bill2011 (Feb 5, 2011)

I can tell you that #12 was a biggie and actually caused everything to go downhill on both sides, now there is no more #1 and everything is falling apart.


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## Whatshisname (Jan 12, 2011)

Great list but here will be some woman here that will choose not to believe parts it.


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

Whatshisname said:


> Great list but here will be some woman here that will choose not to believe parts it.


Yup, just like there were men who didn't believe the other list.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Men are not really all that complicated. Lick us behind the ear, feed us a sandwich, grab our crotches. Lather rinse repeat. That's pretty much it.


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## Bigwayneo (Jan 22, 2011)

Runs like Dog said:


> Men are not really all that complicated. Lick us behind the ear, feed us a sandwich, grab our crotches. Lather rinse repeat. That's pretty much it.


:rofl::rofl::rofl:
If only that was true for me. well maybe the "grab our crotches" part.


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## Bigwayneo (Jan 22, 2011)

Brennan said:


> Yup, just like there were men who didn't believe the other list.



It's not that I did not believe the other list. I just find it an annoying list, because it seemed to put all the pressure on the man. If this list was "reasons a man won't fill your emotional needs" Then I would expect women to act 100% the same as all the men did in your other posts.


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## Kobo (May 13, 2010)

Bigwayneo said:


> If this list was "reasons a man won't fill your emotional needs" Then I would expect women to act 100% the same as all the men did in your other posts.


 I didn't want to be the one to say it but :iagree:


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

Bigwayneo said:


> It's not that I did not believe the other list. I just find it an annoying list, because it seemed to put all the pressure on the man. If this list was "reasons a man won't fill your emotional needs" Then I would expect women to act 100% the same as all the men did in your other posts.


Most people failed to see the list for what it was, written by women. At no point was it finger pointing or blame. It was female perspective regarding why women don't want sex with their husbands. An answer to the constant question asked here. Instead of taking heed, many just argued and dismissed it instead of looking inwards for a brief moment.
The men who seemed most irritated with the list are also the ones who speak openly about their lack of sex. Interesting connection.


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## Bigwayneo (Jan 22, 2011)

Brennan said:


> Most people failed to see the list for what it was, written by women. At no point was it finger pointing or blame. It was female perspective regarding why women don't want sex with their husbands. An answer to the constant question asked here. Instead of taking heed, many just argued and dismissed it instead of looking inwards for a brief moment.
> The men who seemed most irritated with the list are also the ones who speak openly about their lack of sex. Interesting connection.


Really? you went on and checked out ever negative poster to your other threads and looked up there past posts? Maybe its men who were doing it, or have tried and failed and frustrated it seems like the same old excuses seen. I am sure you are right on some of the posts though, that they didn't look "inward" at all, an just got angry thinking it was finger pointing. But yet again, maybe its just me, but the way you word things seems very "smart" ass. which is a huge turn off when trying to take in advice.


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## Trenton (Aug 25, 2010)

Bigwayneo said:


> Really? you went on and checked out ever negative poster to your other threads and looked up there past posts? Maybe its men who were doing it, or have tried and failed and frustrated it seems like the same old excuses seen. I am sure you are right on some of the posts though, that they didn't look "inward" at all, an just got angry thinking it was finger pointing. But yet again, maybe its just me, but the way you word things seems very "smart" ass. which is a huge turn off when trying to take in advice.


You got a little of that "smart" ass tone to your posts. Perhaps we should start a club!:smthumbup:


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## SaffronPower (Mar 6, 2011)

good list *claps*


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## Blue Moon (Sep 7, 2009)

I really don't think it's this deep in the majority of situations


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

Bigwayneo said:


> Really? you went on and checked out ever negative poster to your other threads and looked up there past posts? Maybe its men who were doing it, or have tried and failed and frustrated it seems like the same old excuses seen. I am sure you are right on some of the posts though, that they didn't look "inward" at all, an just got angry thinking it was finger pointing. But yet again, maybe its just me, but the way you word things seems very "smart" ass. which is a huge turn off when trying to take in advice.


My join date was Feb 2010. I read the posts and I see the theme. 
Please remember that these are NOT my feelings but those of others. I didn't say I agreed with them, I was simply posting reasons cited by 7 women who I know. Many men challenged me. Okay, that is fair. So I challenged back and asked them to print out the list and hand it to their wives and ask them if anything on that list was true. 
**Crickets**
Arguing is better I guess. 
If I come off as a smart ass, I apologize. I really was posting this and my knowing its ensuing wrath as an answer to the constant question about why wives don't want sex. It certainly wasn't an end all answer as many men have done all these things and the bedroom is still cold. I get that. 
The point I was trying to make is if a man can read the "list" and perhaps see something on there that he isn't doing, maybe things can turn around. Or as I suggested, print it out and have an open and honest discussion with the wife and go from there.


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## sexcounselor (Nov 27, 2012)

Therealbrighteyes said:


> So, I posted reasons why women don't want sex with their husbands and a solutions list to resolve this as well. Alot of women were curious why some men do not want sex with their wives but I would like to spin that from the negative and turn it more in to the positive. Call me the female Dan Savage. So ladies, if you see you are lacking in this list, this might be your key to a happier sex life.
> 
> To preface, these are 4 married men and one divorced man. 2 are happily married for over 12 years, 1 is unhappily married for 7 and another is divorced but in a serious 3 year relationship. The last is my BIL who is dealing with his wife's infidelity. Married 10 years and struggling. They often call me or email me for advice as I have known most of them for over 20 years and they are very close friends of my husband and yes he knows they all ask for advice.
> 
> ...


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## strugglinghusband (Nov 9, 2011)

Therealbrighteyes said:


> Most people failed to see the list for what it was, written by women. At no point was it finger pointing or blame. It was female perspective regarding why women don't want sex with their husbands. An answer to the constant question asked here. Instead of taking heed, many just argued and dismissed it instead of looking inwards for a brief moment.
> The men who seemed most irritated with the list are also the ones who speak openly about their lack of sex. Interesting connection.


where might I find the list/post on the womans perspective "why woman dont want sex with thier husbands"?

PS. You are 100% spot on why we want to make love/sex with our wives


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## Woodchuck (Nov 1, 2012)

After 47 years with the same woman, I think my list would be this.......

1) I love her....

2) For a newlywed, the wonder and newness of exploration, the amazing giving and recieving pleasure, lust, tenderness, joy...

3) After the newness has diminished, it is the sharing and comfort two people can give each other...The buffer between them and the world...The warm place they find in each others arms

4) Later in life, remembering all of the above.....


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