# I mention I will file - she threatens me



## needtochange7

Hello everyone, 

Not been on for a while because I have separated from the wife, moved out and am moving on with my life. I am now at a point whereby I want to divorce her. There has been so much I have found out about her that I cannot stand the sight of her. She is a completely different person now and is quite embarrassing to look at. 

I told her that I am going to file for divorce. She denied adultery so I said that it would have to be unreasonable behavior. That is when the threats started. She brought up things in the marriage and that she would air them out for the world to see. I could do the same but I am not that petty. 

Where do I stand on these threats? I just want a divorce. 

Oh and as for adultery. Every weekend I have had the kids she has brought different men back for one night stands. So the adultery is there, she just won't admit it in the divorce papers. 

Thanks for listening.


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## farsidejunky

You don't need her permission to divorce.

Why did do you even talk to her about it. Have her served.

Regarding the multiple men for ONS's...do you think you are the only person who knows?

Worry far less about what she says with regards to you, and far more about why you are scared of your wife. That is the real problem here. 

Sent from my Pixel 3 XL using Tapatalk


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## Lila

needtochange7 said:


> Where do I stand on these threats? I just want a divorce.


Why are you letting her threats stop you from filing for divorce? Does she have something criminal, unethical, or otherwise career ending on you? If she does, then it's probably best that you get in front of it and do damage control before filing. If it's embarrassing stuff, then there's nothing to do for it but accept people will hear about it. 



> Oh and as for adultery. Every weekend I have had the kids she has brought different men back for one night stands. So the adultery is there, she just won't admit it in the divorce papers.
> 
> Thanks for listening.


Was she cheating on you before the separation? Do you have proof of her infidelity prior to separation? If you do, why are you not using it to get the divorce completed? Even if your state doesnt recognize adultery as a valid reason for divorce, you can use the threat of exposure to get the divorce fast tracked.


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## needtochange7

Thanks for the responses. I can't confirm if she has committed adultery during the marriage but I do have a good strong suspicion. Since separating she has been having intercourse with many different men.

She is basically threatening to out all our marriage secrets and tell people some really personal things. She found out a new woman I was seeing and threatened to tell her just how bad I am, so I ended it with the woman so that she didn't get dragged into this mess. The best part is, over time, my so called wife has elaborated the stories and now believes I am a monster and will tell the world. Yes it can affect my career and friendship circles. She is just a horrible, twisted person now.


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## Lila

needtochange7 said:


> Thanks for the responses. I can't confirm if she has committed adultery during the marriage but I do have a good strong suspicion. Since separating she has been having intercourse with many different men.
> 
> She is basically threatening to out all our marriage secrets and tell people some really personal things. She found out a new woman I was seeing and threatened to tell her just how bad I am, so I ended it with the woman so that she didn't get dragged into this mess.


If you can't prove infidelity PRIOR to the separation then drop the whole "adultery" angle. Regardless if she's currently ****ing one man or twenty, you've both moved on with your lives. Is it possible she started making the threats after you told her you were going to file under adultery? It could explain why she specifically targeted your girlfriend. She may not appreciate you calling her a cheater when you yourself are dating someone else. 



> The best part is, over time, my so called wife has elaborated the stories and now believes I am a monster and will tell the world. *Yes it can affect my career and friendship circles. She is just a horrible, twisted person now*.


If you want to get out of your marriage without your secrets getting aired out to all and sundry, you're going to have to play nice. Be fake nice until you get it all squared away. Don't present the divorce in an argumentative way. Present it as the best option for you and for her.


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## arbitrator

*Regardless of the circumstances, adultery is immaterial!

Get with a good lawyer to help with ironing out child custody, visitation and child support issues, division of marital assets, et.al.

Lose her ~ you'll be a far better man for it! *


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## Taxman

Sir, before doing anything, I suggest that you hire a PI, and surreptitiously obtain the evidence you need to fend off personal attacks. Simply put, she has evidence and you do not. Therefore, although you do not need it for the actual divorce suit, you are being blackmailed. I have had clients who were similarly being blackmailed by their STBX. If you are in possession of evidence, you can stop the threats. Talk to your lawyer, and in my experience, people in the industry have connections to services that can assist in this. 

If you were my client, I would tell you to stop conversing with her, and discussing divorce at this time. Go absolutely radio silence. In the meantime, the PI will do the dirty work. If there is something there, give him a few weeks. I have had people sitting across from me, and we have had the PI present his evidence pack. I have seen the weight of the world drop off their shoulders when they have hard and fast evidence of their spouses wrongdoing. My favorites have been the blindsiding of the wayward spouse in our discoveries. I had one a few years ago. We are in a no fault environment. He wanted a pound of flesh, so we had the entire filing ready to go. He arranged a transfer down to a branch in the states with an "at fault" divorce environment. He lulled her into a false sense of security. Once he was down long enough to establish residency, he basically sprung it on her. The evidence was irrefutable. He basically said that he swallowed his tongue for a year and a half. She got absolutely nothing. No alimony, no marital assets, nada. He had out maneuvered her, and I would have paid real money to be in the room with her and her lawyer when this little matter was brought forth. We had photographic evidence, and she had what we characterized as hearsay. It was not in any way admissable.


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## Vinnydee

This is typical behavior. One spouse will threaten to tell about her partner’s weird fetish or something embarrassing. Just inform your attorney and let him/her take care of it. What she says in court will not become public knowledge unless she goes public with it which she can do at any time. Of course you can deny anything she says. Then it becomes a she says/he says thing and basically unsubstantiated so of little value in the divorce proceedings. Most divorce attorneys will tell her to not say anything unless it was material to the reason for divorce. Like if you forced her to do sex acts she did not want to do. If you simply asked her or if she did what you asked, I do not see a problem. Like I said, attorneys are very used to this kind of stuff an to postpone a divorce because of them is not advisable. You are letting her blackmail you. 

I assure you that I have done a lot more perverse things than you have and I could care less about what my wife might say. It would be her version against mine and without a video or witness, it is just her trying to get back at you and judges are used to hearing stuff like that.


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## SpinyNorman

Good advice here, if you're both dating post-separation don't criticize each other for it. Talk to your lawyer about whether doing so makes a liability for you before you date anyone else.

If she tries to embarrass you by airing personal stuff, intelligent people don't listen to that crap and why do you care what the other kind of people think?


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## sunsetmist

In my experience, I wanted to protect my kids and refused to mention things about my husband that would hurt them if they were made public. He, on the other hand, wrote many paged letters full of half-truths, lies, bizarre rants and sent them to friends, neighbors, colleagues, church, etc. People know both of us. Who do you think looked bad?


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## StarFires

I'm confused. It seems to me you threatened her first.

a. You want to state she had an affair but you don't know if she did or not.
b. You want to state the reason for divorce is her unreasonable behavior.
c. You say she sleeps with a different man every weekend you have the kids, but you couldn't possibly know that unless you are stalking her, and you still wouldn't know it for sure unless you were in or peeking into her bedroom.
d. You are/were also seeing someone so by your standard for your wife, you are/were the one having an affair.

It looks like you want to be able to state that she is at fault and you're trying to make sure to state it says something derogatory and damaging about her. And then you posted again to tell us that it might not even be true and that you are doing the same thing you want to accuse her of doing.

If you really want a divorce, you only need to state the reason as "irreconcilable differences" and get it over with. But it seems to me what you really want to do is antagonize your wife. I wouldn't let you get away with disparaging me in the divorce either.


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## oldshirt

I know this seems like a big, major deal to you right now and that you are afraid of her airing your foot fetish or your love of having your arse tickled with a feather in public, but the reality is divorce is very common place and people are used to and even expect a certain amount of mudslinging between divorcing partys and the bottom line is no one really cares. 

Unless she has some kind of indisputable proof of you selling national secrets to North Korea or of you being a pedophile or something, no one really cares about your toe sucking or butt tickling and 99% of people that she talks to will just chalk it up to a scorned woman and it will reflect more poorly on her than on you if she actually does it.


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## oldshirt

And I agree with Farsidejunky, you do not need her permission and there is no reason to be discussing it with her if she is going to act like this. 

If you simply file on her without forewarning, she will be too busy handling her own legal case to spend too much time and energy telling people about your women's underwear collection. 

This is just manipulation and intimidation and since she knows that it works on you, the more she threatens it, the more control she has over you.


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## Spicy

Geez, what does she have on you that can have you so scared you broke up with someone so they didn’t hear it?


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## WorkingWife

needtochange7 said:


> Thanks for the responses. I can't confirm if she has committed adultery during the marriage but I do have a good strong suspicion. Since separating she has been having intercourse with many different men.
> 
> She is basically threatening to out all our marriage secrets and tell people some really personal things. She found out a new woman I was seeing and threatened to tell her just how bad I am, so I ended it with the woman so that she didn't get dragged into this mess. The best part is, over time, my so called wife has elaborated the stories and now believes I am a monster and will tell the world. Yes it can affect my career and friendship circles. She is just a horrible, twisted person now.


I'm a little bit confused. What did you do? An ex, or potential ex, can make up ANYTHING about you. No one has any way of knowing if it's true unless they have some kind of proof. I think most people's reaction will be "she's bitter...whatever."

Here's where I am confused. She's having all this sex with other guys. Clearly she's not into the marriage. So why does she care if you file for divorce? Clearly this marriage is not going to last anymore, so what is motivating her to want to be malicious to you? Doesn't she want out too?

I would just file for divorce. You obviously won't ever be a "happily married couple" again. I think if you "don't care" what she airs, then she won't have the motivation to air it. If she does, unless she has pictures of something, just roll your eyes and say "she's REALLY bitter..." to anyone who asks.

If you have done something *bad*, not _embarrassing_, but _*bad*_, then I would think long and hard about it and try to become a better person. If it's just embarassing -- I don't know, you dancing around in women's undies? Whips and chains that she enjoyed? whatever... people might raise an eyebrow but do they really care? Either way, you can't live the rest of your life in fear of what your ex might share. Call her bluff and move on with your life. If you're good at your career you will recover even if she does hurt it.


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## WorkingWife

Spicy said:


> Geez, what does she have on you that can have you so scared you broke up with someone so they didn’t hear it?


That's what I'm wondering. :surprise:


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## aine

needtochange7 said:


> Hello everyone,
> 
> Not been on for a while because I have separated from the wife, moved out and am moving on with my life. I am now at a point whereby I want to divorce her. There has been so much I have found out about her that I cannot stand the sight of her. She is a completely different person now and is quite embarrassing to look at.
> 
> I told her that I am going to file for divorce. She denied adultery so I said that it would have to be unreasonable behavior. That is when the threats started. She brought up things in the marriage and that she would air them out for the world to see. I could do the same but I am not that petty.
> 
> Where do I stand on these threats? I just want a divorce.
> 
> Oh and as for adultery. Every weekend I have had the kids she has brought different men back for one night stands. So the adultery is there, she just won't admit it in the divorce papers.
> 
> Thanks for listening.


Cannot remember your backstory but on the face of this, there are a few things that do not add up.

1. The first paragraph, you moved out and say you are moving on with your life, yet seem to be fixated with the things you have found out about her, why? Are you trying to smell better than her?
2. Seems to me like you are trying to justify why you left and now want a divorce? Why do you need to justify it, just go ahead and file.
3. She is probably a totally different person, cause you dumped her while accusing her of adultery, which you still don't seem to have any proof off and she is now showing you that she will sleep with whatever moves, why would you care? You still seem to have something invested in the marriage, why?
4. You are allowed to have girlfriends and she must remain pure? Come on, what a load of crock!
And NO erm it is not adultery if you both agreed to separate and go your own ways and divorce. Ahem, so what would you call what you are doing, 'moving on' only? One rule for her and one for you?
5. You are prepared to sully her name without proof, it seems to me maybe she has a point. If she was faithful during the marriage, then? Must you drag her name through the mud? Why if you are 'moving on' so you say?
6. What does she have on you that you succumbed to her threat and dumped your girlfriend? What exactly has you quaking in your boots? Were you abusive in the marriage? Did you cheat? 

I'm sorry but this all smells off to me, you need to do a bit of introspection and be more forthright with your posts. Maybe I've got the wrong end of the stick (forgive me) but I don't think you are being honest and you are perhaps portraying someone you are not. So?


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## aine

aine said:


> Cannot remember your backstory but on the face of this, there are a few things that do not add up.
> 
> 1. The first paragraph, you moved out and say you are moving on with your life, yet seem to be fixated with the things you have found out about her, why? Are you trying to smell better than her?
> 2. Seems to me like you are trying to justify why you left and now want a divorce? Why do you need to justify it, just go ahead and file.
> 3. She is probably a totally different person, cause you dumped her while accusing her of adultery, which you still don't seem to have any proof off and she is now showing you that she will sleep with whatever moves, why would you care? You still seem to have something invested in the marriage, why?
> 4. You are allowed to have girlfriends and she must remain pure? Come on, what a load of crock!
> And NO erm it is not adultery if you both agreed to separate and go your own ways and divorce. Ahem, so what would you call what you are doing, 'moving on' only? One rule for her and one for you?
> 5. You are prepared to sully her name without proof, it seems to me maybe she has a point. If she was faithful during the marriage, then? Must you drag her name through the mud? Why if you are 'moving on' so you say?
> 6. What does she have on you that you succumbed to her threat and dumped your girlfriend? What exactly has you quaking in your boots? Were you abusive in the marriage? Did you cheat?
> 
> I'm sorry but this all smells off to me, you need to do a bit of introspection and be more forthright with your posts. Maybe I've got the wrong end of the stick (forgive me) but I don't think you are being honest and you are perhaps portraying someone you are not. So?


Ok so I went back and looked at your other posts.

What "issues' did you have that you and your wife agreed you must move out over?
why did you try and accuse her of cheating when it was already agreed you move out?

I think you are projecting and you have created a huge mess (of your own making), you had a decent wife but accused her of so much crap that she is now hell bent on showing you what she can do. WHY?


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## 3Xnocharm

needtochange7 said:


> Hello everyone,
> 
> Not been on for a while because I have separated from the wife, moved out and am moving on with my life. I am now at a point whereby I want to divorce her. There has been so much I have found out about her that I cannot stand the sight of her. She is a completely different person now and is quite embarrassing to look at.
> 
> I told her that I am going to file for divorce. She denied adultery so I said that it would have to be unreasonable behavior. That is when the threats started. She brought up things in the marriage and that she would air them out for the world to see. I could do the same but I am not that petty.
> 
> Where do I stand on these threats? I just want a divorce.
> 
> Oh and as for adultery. Every weekend I have had the kids she has brought different men back for one night stands. So the adultery is there, she just won't admit it in the divorce papers.
> 
> Thanks for listening.


Stop discussing this with her. You dont need her permission or even her cooperation to get a divorce. And stop letting her threats affect you, SHE is the one currently sleeping around. What have you ever done that would be so earth shattering if it got out? If she outs you on anything, then you out her on what SHE is doing, with proof of course. 

You need to learn to stand up for yourself sir.


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## Affaircare

@needtochange7, 

I note that you are in the U.K. and thus the divorce laws are a bit different where you are than they are here in the States. 

In the U.K. grounds for divorce need to be declared, and the five options are: 1) adultery, 2) unreasonable behavior, 3) desertion, 4) separation for 2 years and both consent, or 5) separation for 5 years (no consent is necessary). 

Soooo...since you can't prove adultery and she won't admit to it, let's just knock that off the list. 

I also assume you haven't been separated for 2 years and don't want to have to wait 5 years, so let's also know those two off the list. 

You could claim desertion if one of you left without the other's agreement, without good reason, to end the relationship, and you've been apart 2 years out of the last 2.5 years. I'm guessing you two haven't been apart 2 years, so this may also be off the list. 

That leaves "Unreasonable Behavior"...

*Unreasonable Behavior* is the reason given for about half of the divorces in the U.K. Usually this ground indicates that the husband or wife behaved so badly that the other half just literally could not stay married to them. Some common examples would be verbal-emotional-physical abuse, addiction, lack of emotional support, financial irresponsibility, refusal to discuss/work on issues in the marriage, no sexual relations in the marriage, excessive arguing...that kind of thing. 

If it were me, I'd see if you and your STBX can agree to divorce, and then make some sort of "Unreasonable Behavior" statement that is worded such that it isn't acrimonious. For example, you clearly want to divorce her and you two are separated--it seems conceivable that she might also want to divorce you. So use that to your advantage. Explain that she will get her freedom and you'll be out of her life and she'll never have to deal with you again, but that in order to divorce, some ground has to be chosen. Since "Unreasonable Behavior" is used in half the divorces, how about if you two just agree to pick that one and word it like this:

"The Respondent has always disliked the Petitioner's family, which has led to the Petitioner feeling isolated from them and thus caused distress."

or 

"The Respondent refuses to talk about marital problems and doesn’t give general support to the Petitioner."


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## personofinterest

3Xnocharm said:


> Stop discussing this with her. You dont need her permission or even her cooperation to get a divorce. And stop letting her threats affect you, SHE is the one currently sleeping around. What have you ever done that would be so earth shattering if it got out? If she outs you on anything, then you out her on what SHE is doing, with proof of course.
> 
> You need to learn to stand up for yourself sir.


1. He has said he is also seeing people
2. He doesn't really know if she did prior to the separation
3. Read his previous threads
4. There must be something BAD going on if it scared him enough to preemptively break up with a woman so it wouldn't come out....


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## Chaparral

Talk to you attorney. Why on earth would you even tell your wife you’re going to file. You’re in a war and winning means time with your child. Tell her nothing. She threatens you I’m sure you recorded that right? You have read other threads here, right? You keep all texts and emails she sends right? If you only talk to her via email she leaves a trail. Voice activated recorder. Journal everything or she will take you to the cleaners.


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## turnera

Hard to give advice if we don't know what she's going to accuse you of.


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## manfromlamancha

Hello OP - I am not sure why anyone would attack or criticise you on this thread. I am well aware of your back story. Your wife was acting suspicious and hiding stuff and then made you feel bad for snooping. It turns out that she got naked with friends and other men at a party and was trying to keep that from you.

Now you find that as soon as you moved out (a bad move on your part) she has been screwing other men left, right and centre.

You need to get over your fear of her outing stuff about you and take the offensive instead. Gather facts, information etc on her behaviour and then bite the bullet and go for divorce.


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## oldtruck

needtochange7 said:


> Hello everyone,
> 
> Not been on for a while because I have separated from the wife, moved out and am moving on with my life. I am now at a point whereby I want to divorce her. There has been so much I have found out about her that I cannot stand the sight of her. She is a completely different person now and is quite embarrassing to look at.
> 
> I told her that I am going to file for divorce. She denied adultery so I said that it would have to be unreasonable behavior. That is when the threats started. She brought up things in the marriage and that she would air them out for the world to see. I could do the same but I am not that petty.
> 
> Where do I stand on these threats? I just want a divorce.
> 
> Oh and as for adultery. Every weekend I have had the kids she has brought different men back for one night stands. So the adultery is there, she just won't admit it in the divorce papers.
> 
> Thanks for listening.


WW having a BF when separated is not infidelity to the courts.


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## Dyokemm

I have zero clue why some posters are attacking you in this.

I took your posts as a vent that your W.....who at the very least was stripping drunk at a party in front of a bunch of men BEFORE you separated (based on your last post on another thread).....is now pissed that you want to file for D and threatening to expose private matters from your marriage AND is also making crap up so it sounds worse.

And your mention of her serial ONS is also just a vent about her ridiculous hypocrisy on ‘bad behavior’.

And I get your point about not wanting to drag a new girlfriend through the obvious drama your stbxWW wants to stir up.....I wouldn’t want to bring someone into that either.

You just want to rid yourself of this wretched woman.....and I don’t blame you.

So just file for D......not talking about or discussing it with WW.

If she is so upset at that, I am guessing its because somehow she was wanting or entertaining the idea that you two would be getting back together.

Well, if that was her plan, going out and wh*ring herself around was not exactly the brightest idea for showing she wanted you back......especially considering drunken strip parties while hiding secrets from you and complaining about you invading her privacy were her most recent behaviors BEFORE you separated.

Now based on your posts in your last thread, you definitely seemed to have some real issues before this crap went down......jealousy and control issues at least, and I suspect your drinking may have been more of an issue than you admitted.

You better work on those before getting into another relationship.....they are NOT good attributes at all and certainly will cause you problems in the future if you don’t work on them.

That said, your WW’s behavior WAS terrible before you separated, and continues to be terrible now with threatening you because you have informed her want a D (and her ONS during separation certainly don’t make her a candidate for R either)

Get rid of her.....

I have no understanding of why some others are on here laying into you and trying to justify her atrocious behavior.


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## nekonamida

Be proactive. Go to your work/boss/HR department and tell them that your wife has been threatening to lie about you to them if you file for divorce. Go to the police station and give them a heads up that you are concerned she might make up false charges against you. Show people the texts with her threats. That way when it happens, everyone is prepared to stand by you because they know she's full of ****.


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## needtochange7

Wow I can't believe some of the posts here, they have really been on the offensive. 

To clarify I ended things with the woman I met because she has kids and doesn't need to be dragged into this. My soon to be ex wife is already starting the hate campaign via coded status updates on social media. She is psychotic at best. She got someone to watch me on a date!!! Then send pictures back to her. Then matched said pictures with over two thousand friends I have on facebook and found out exactly who it was. She said the womans full name in a "you wouldn't want xx xx to know how you have been would you?!!!" 

Since posting this I have found that she wants more maintenance and she has admitted to wanting to make a claim on my future earnings. I have this recorded. When I asked her what she is going to tell people it was a simple "that you are a monster and difficult to live with." So yeah, go for it. 

I couldn't care less that she is wh*ring herself out to everyone. That's her sad way of getting things bought for her. But to judge me for wanting a committed relationship and not be a male version of her is quite laughable. 

But the point still stands, I shouldn't have to deal with these threats. I have taken different advice and recorded her threats and now the police are to get involved.


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## 3Xnocharm

You NEED an attorney if you dont already have one, you have to protect yourself and find out your rights.


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## MattMatt

StarFires said:


> I'm confused. It seems to me you threatened her first.
> 
> a. You want to state she had an affair but you don't know if she did or not.
> b. You want to state the reason for divorce is her unreasonable behavior.
> c. You say she sleeps with a different man every weekend you have the kids, but you couldn't possibly know that unless you are stalking her, and you still wouldn't know it for sure unless you were in or peeking into her bedroom.
> d. You are/were also seeing someone so by your standard for your wife, you are/were the one having an affair.
> 
> It looks like you want to be able to state that she is at fault and you're trying to make sure to state it says something derogatory and damaging about her. And then you posted again to tell us that it might not even be true and that you are doing the same thing you want to accuse her of doing.
> 
> If you really want a divorce, you only need to state the reason as "irreconcilable differences" and get it over with. But it seems to me what you really want to do is antagonize your wife. I wouldn't let you get away with disparaging me in the divorce either.


Hang on! There's a clue, here! 

Unreasonable Behaviour are grounds for a divorce in Britain, so I am guessing that as the OP mentioned either adultery or unreasonable behaviour as the two options open to him, I am going to guess that the OP is in Britain. So "Irreconcilable Differences" isn't something that's a thing, over here.

Actually, there is only one grounds for divorce in the UK, that the marriage has "irretrievably broken down."

Which can be proven by one of the following:-

Adultery
Unreasonable behaviour
Desertion
2 years separation with consent
5 years separation (no consent required)
@needtochange7 You need to see a divorce solicitor. You should also consider seeing the police as what your wife is doing is blackmail and may be illegal. Please check this link out https://uk.practicallaw.thomsonreut...=(sc.Default)&firstPage=true&comp=pluk&bhcp=1


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## sa58

I would not start another relationship given this
situation until your divorce is complete. If your
wife is having someone follow you around on a date 
that could be considered stalking. Who knows what else
she may do.


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## Dyokemm

Your stbxWW is flat out nuts......

I am glad to see that you are getting evidence of the threats in recordings to protect yourself from the bat-**** crazy your WW is throwing your way.

Stalking? Threats?

Madder than a wet hen at being told you want to D?

Well....what in the h*ll did she think she was going to get with her behavior before and after your separation?

Her behavior makes absolutely zero sense given that her actions were guaranteed to drive any self-respecting man to D her cheating a**.

Stay away from her as much as possible and get the D over and done with ASAP.

What a loonie!!


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## aine

Dyokemm said:


> I have zero clue why some posters are attacking you in this.
> 
> I took your posts as a vent that your W.....who at the very least was stripping drunk at a party in front of a bunch of men BEFORE you separated (based on your last post on another thread).....is now pissed that you want to file for D and threatening to expose private matters from your marriage AND is also making crap up so it sounds worse.
> 
> And your mention of her serial ONS is also just a vent about her ridiculous hypocrisy on ‘bad behavior’.
> 
> And I get your point about not wanting to drag a new girlfriend through the obvious drama your stbxWW wants to stir up.....I wouldn’t want to bring someone into that either.
> 
> You just want to rid yourself of this wretched woman.....and I don’t blame you.
> 
> So just file for D......not talking about or discussing it with WW.
> 
> If she is so upset at that, I am guessing its because somehow she was wanting or entertaining the idea that you two would be getting back together.
> 
> Well, if that was her plan, going out and wh*ring herself around was not exactly the brightest idea for showing she wanted you back......especially considering drunken strip parties while hiding secrets from you and complaining about you invading her privacy were her most recent behaviors BEFORE you separated.
> 
> Now based on your posts in your last thread, you definitely seemed to have some real issues before this crap went down......jealousy and control issues at least, and I suspect your drinking may have been more of an issue than you admitted.
> 
> You better work on those before getting into another relationship.....they are NOT good attributes at all and certainly will cause you problems in the future if you don’t work on them.
> 
> That said, your WW’s behavior WAS terrible before you separated, and continues to be terrible now with threatening you because you have informed her want a D (and her ONS during separation certainly don’t make her a candidate for R either)
> 
> Get rid of her.....
> 
> I have no understanding of why some others are on here laying into you and trying to justify her atrocious behavior.


He must divorce her, he doesn't need her permission, I think the issue is that he himself is not owning up to his part in the failure of the marriage, what happened before his now obvious displeasure at her sleeping around. He is being very vague about that, the circumstances why he should move out are not clear.


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## Dyokemm

aine said:


> He must divorce her, he doesn't need her permission, I think the issue is that he himself is not owning up to his part in the failure of the marriage, what happened before his now obvious displeasure at her sleeping around. He is being very vague about that, the circumstances why he should move out are not clear.


In his previous threads he did admit to struggling with jealousy.....and did seem to me to play down his drinking in a somewhat defensive manner.

I called him out on that.

But he also said in his last thread that his WW got very angry over him ‘invading’ her privacy by looking through her electronics......but come to find out, based on his last post in the thread, he discovered she had at least stripped naked in front of a group of men at a party, on a night he said she stayed out til 430 in the morning.

So sounds like he had every reason to be wondering what she was up to doing......

And no matter what his failings were, there is no excuse for his WW’s apparent cheating (I doubt that the strip party was the only thing she was up to, but he moved out at her request before he could find out more)

His posts in this thread seem to be more of a vent than anything else.

He said that he wants to D.....told his WW he was going to file.....and it is HER reaction to this news that is unbelievable.

Threats, stalking, and painting him in the blackest light.......searching for the woman he had recently started seeing and announcing she was going to bad-mouth him to her.

This is ridiculous.....and I took his comment on her serial ONS to be a remark on her hypocrisy in trying to besmirch his reputatiobn while she is out screwing multiple men.

I did not read anywhere in the comments where he wants her back.....he just wants the D.

And she is flying off the handle for some reason.

If she didn’t really want a D (as one would assume given her reaction to his statement about filing), then running around on your H (to what full extent remains unknown), demanding he move out, and proceeding to have sex with multiple men is definitely not the way to communicate that to your spouse.

Her behavior is completely out of line.

OP should just ignore the drama......continue with D......but also do some work on his faults so his next relationship is even better.


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## aine

needtochange7 said:


> Thanks for the responses. I can't confirm if she has committed adultery during the marriage but I do have a good strong suspicion. Since separating she has been having intercourse with many different men.
> 
> She is basically threatening to out all our marriage secrets and tell people some really personal things. She found out a new woman I was seeing and threatened to tell her just how bad I am, so I ended it with the woman so that she didn't get dragged into this mess. The best part is, over time, my so called wife has elaborated the stories and now believes I am a monster and will tell the world. Yes it can affect my career and friendship circles. She is just a horrible, twisted person now.


How did she get that way, we are only hearing your side, something missing from the story. What is it?


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## aine

Dyokemm said:


> In his previous threads he did admit to struggling with jealousy.....and did seem to me to play down his drinking in a somewhat defensive manner.
> 
> I called him out on that.
> 
> But he also said in his last thread that his WW got very angry over him ‘invading’ her privacy by looking through her electronics......but come to find out, based on his last post in the thread, he discovered she had at least stripped naked in front of a group of men at a party, on a night he said she stayed out til 430 in the morning.
> 
> So sounds like he had every reason to be wondering what she was up to doing......
> 
> And no matter what his failings were, there is no excuse for his WW’s apparent cheating (I doubt that the strip party was the only thing she was up to, but he moved out at her request before he could find out more)
> 
> His posts in this thread seem to be more of a vent than anything else.
> 
> He said that he wants to D.....told his WW he was going to file.....and it is HER reaction to this news that is unbelievable.
> 
> Threats, stalking, and painting him in the blackest light.......searching for the woman he had recently started seeing and announcing she was going to bad-mouth him to her.
> 
> This is ridiculous.....and I took his comment on her serial ONS to be a remark on her hypocrisy in trying to besmirch his reputatiobn while she is out screwing multiple men.
> 
> I did not read anywhere in the comments where he wants her back.....he just wants the D.
> 
> And she is flying off the handle for some reason.
> 
> If she didn’t really want a D (as one would assume given her reaction to his statement about filing), then running around on your H (to what full extent remains unknown), demanding he move out, and proceeding to have sex with multiple men is definitely not the way to communicate that to your spouse.
> 
> Her behavior is completely out of line.
> 
> OP should just ignore the drama......continue with D......but also do some work on his faults so his next relationship is even better.


Exactly why there is much more to this story. Sounds like he did something major and this is her revenge misguided though it is. Her actions are a response to something he is not sharing, that or she has BPD or something.


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## jlg07

@needtochange7, how are things going? Have you started the D proceedings yet?


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## SunCMars

Spicy said:


> Geez, what does she have on you that can have you so scared you broke up with someone so they didn’t hear it?


Ah.....

Yes, let the air out of the marital balloon. 
The one kept in the closet, or the other one kept under the duvet in the master bedroom.
One of those should suffice.

Let us do the sniff test, deciding if the stink is really that damaging to peoples normal sensibilities.

We are all flawed, some more than others.

Can it be placed in some BDSM category?
Wearing women's clothing?

If the secret is really damaging then take the hit and move out of state while the economy is still good.
There are plenty of jobs at the moment.

It might do you good to make a clean break.
A break putting you cleanly away from her, say 1000 miles.

On her going out with men while separated....
Uh, why would you care?

Unless, you still have feelings for her.
Cut those feelings loose, let them heal before connecting them to another woman, a worthy one.

Do not knife her in this interim, or afterwards.
Maybe she will return the favor.

That is the best you can do...be amicable, she then may not empty the marital vacuum cleaner at Sixth and Main Street, for others to see your kinky belly button lint.
Go out quietly.





[THM]- Lilith


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## SunCMars

If all else fails..

Let not your anger and resolve fail.
Steam your way up that rock face.

Take the cuts and the bruises, the banged pride.

Climb the damn mountain or jump off screaming bloody obscenities on the way down to Hell!





[THM]- The Martian


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## Robert22205

As a previous post said: Be proactive. Go to your work/boss/HR department and tell them that your wife has been threatening to lie about you to them if you file for divorce. Go to the police station and give them a heads up that you are concerned she might make up false charges against you. Show people the texts with her threats. That way when it happens, everyone is prepared to stand by you because they know she's full of ****. 

In addition, collect and save evidence of her threats and talk with an attorney about getting some sort of restraining order against her (that would also pretty much negate her any lies she attempts to spread to your friends and business associates.


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## Dyokemm

aine said:


> Exactly why there is much more to this story. Sounds like he did something major and this is her revenge misguided though it is. Her actions are a response to something he is not sharing, that or she has BPD or something.


And you KNOW there MUST be more how?

Intuition?

Why can’t it just be a case of a typical cake-eating, selfish, entitled wayward who thinks they should not suffer the consequence of a D following their completely unacceptable behavior?

We have all read threads of waywards of both sexes who are EXACTLY this type of selfish trash......treating their BS horribly and then getting offended that the BS wants a D or doesn’t want to ‘get over it’.

To automatically assume it as a proven fact that there MUST have been something OP did to cause this is completely illogical......the exact type of blameshifting and gaslighting that WS’s themselves use to justify their behaviors in fact.

I have read some posters on here get riled up at others who they claim are ‘immediately’ jumping to claims of infidelity without any definitive proof......

But I guess it is OK to jump to accusations of misbehavior by BSs leading to a WS’s reprehensible behavior without any proof as well.


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