# Have You Heard Of LAT? (Living Apart Together)



## Jeffyboy (Apr 7, 2015)

It's a trend where both people live in their own apt/houses but they live closeby and meetup like 2-3 times a week but go back and sleep at their separate places or maybe sleep over 1/week.

I think it mainly works for introverts or people who like to keep the space they want it to. 

Do you know anybody who does this or has any success with it?


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## musicftw07 (Jun 23, 2016)

Jeffyboy said:


> It's a trend where both people live in their own apt/houses but they live closeby and meetup like 2-3 times a week but go back and sleep at their separate places or maybe sleep over 1/week.
> 
> I think it mainly works for introverts or people who like to keep the space they want it to.
> 
> Do you know anybody who does this or has any success with it?


My girlfriend and I kind of do this. Partly by choice, partly by circumstance.

We both own our own houses and are single parents, but live on the opposite sides of town. She has primary residence of her kids but I don't with my child, so that makes moving for me more difficult due to school. I am looking to move next year, but it may not be to her part of town.

We do both enjoy our own space, which is partly why we have waited to cohabitate. We love the idea but are unsure of the actual application. 

We see each other when we can, which isn't as often as we'd like, but we make the best of it. I have an easier time with living alone, I think. I've been a bachelor for nearly seven years now, whereas she divorced about three years ago, so I'm much more used to it. She has said that she enjoys living alone but is happier when her partner is in her home too. 

I think if two people care enough about each other then they'll find a way to make it work whether they live together or not. I certainly don't see anything wrong with this paradigm, especially when kids are involved.


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## UpsideDownWorld11 (Feb 14, 2018)

Sounds like a great gig if you can find it!


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

Kinda the opposite of the more common form of living apart together where a married couple actually lives together under the same roof but may as well be apart.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

UpsideDownWorld11 said:


> Sounds like a great gig if you can find it!


All my grandparents and great grandparents lived together but had separate bedrooms. I think there is a great deal of wisdom in that as it supports togetherness and each has their own personal space. 

I remember asking my great grandmother about this when I was a child b/c my parents shared a bedroom. She grinned and told me, "well we have separate bedrooms, but he sneaks over to my bedroom almost every night!"

Regards, 
Badsanta


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## Bananapeel (May 4, 2015)

Esther Perel talks about similar non-traditional living situations in her book mating in captivity.


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## karole (Jun 30, 2010)

My sister-in-law and her husband live apart during the week and stay together on weekends. They each own their own homes that they had before marriage (this is neither's first marriage). My SIL's husband works at night and she works days. They both have weekends off, so he comes to stay at her house on weekends. It works for them I guess, but I find it a bit strange. Would not work for me. But, to each their own I suppose.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

I know a married couple who have lived next door to each other for over 25 years. It works for them.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

Jeffyboy said:


> It's a trend where both people live in their own apt/houses but they live closeby and meetup like 2-3 times a week but go back and sleep at their separate places or maybe sleep over 1/week.
> 
> I think it mainly works for introverts or people who like to keep the space they want it to.
> 
> Do you know anybody who does this or has any success with it?


It sounds like normal dating to me.:scratchhead


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

Andy1001 said:


> Jeffyboy said:
> 
> 
> > It's a trend where both people live in their own apt/houses but they live closeby and meetup like 2-3 times a week but go back and sleep at their separate places or maybe sleep over 1/week.
> ...


That’s what I was thinking. I was a little confused. When I read the title, I thought it was referring specifically to married couples who lived apart, therefore, it would be unusual. I always live apart when dating; l did t know that was unusual.


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

I have always said if I get married again we would have to buy a duplex, she has her side and I got mine. Nice to know there's a name for it, now I know I'm not weird.


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## kag123 (Feb 6, 2012)

We have a pair of good friends who got married around the time that we did. My H and I laughed when we heard they were engaged thinking "it'll never last", because they both had huge commitment issues and a huge need for personal space. 

They've now been married 10 years.

One of the ways they make it work is that they bought a very large house, and customized it a bit. It is a standard McMansion, but the top floor (previously all bedrooms) became the wife's floor. She kept the master bedroom but knocked out the walls for all the others, so it is all open and she has her own living room/gym studio space there. The basement is the husband's. He put in a full master bedroom of his own, and the rest of it is fully man cave/bar. The only truly shared space is the middle floor. They share the kitchen, and they have a formal living room/dining room that looks like a spread out of HGTV... I asked the wife one time how she kept it so perfect looking and she confessed that they never use the space except for parties! Otherwise, the wife told me they are pretty much relegated to their separate floors most of the time. 

Oh, and they don't have kids. That helps too.

They have shifted their work hours to almost opposites too... to match their sleeping preferences. She goes in early mornings and gets off early afternoons. He goes in around noon and gets off around 8-9p. She likes to go to bed no later than 11p, while he doesn't go to bed until 4am. 

She (wife) told me that they only really see each other one hour a day or so M-F and that they schedule dates on weekends. They are both very involved in their own activities so it is never assumed to be a given that one of them will be freely available to spend time with, hence they schedule and ask each other out on dates still. 

Seems to work for them! 

Sent from my SM-N950U using Tapatalk


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## Betrayedone (Jan 1, 2014)

Weird......but who am I to judge? I will say that when I was married and she worked 15 hours a day and I was on the road Mon-Thurs my marriage survived but when I was home full time due to a 5 year medical situation things fell apart and ended.........Soooo, what does that mean?


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

I've known about this for years (I read an article about it in the NY Times several years ago). It doesn't appeal to me, personally, but I can see why it makes sense for some couples.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Jeffyboy said:


> It's a trend where both people live in their own apt/houses but they live closeby and meetup like 2-3 times a week but go back and sleep at their separate places or maybe sleep over 1/week.
> 
> I think it mainly works for introverts or people who like to keep the space they want it to.
> 
> Do you know anybody who does this or has any success with it?


For around a year before my wife and I got married I lived next door to her. Although I spent almost all of my time with her (including sleeping at hers), so my place was just where I kept most of my stuff.


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## Ditch (Apr 16, 2014)

Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> Kinda the opposite of the more common form of living apart together where a married couple actually lives together under the same roof but may as well be apart.


I was thinking the same thing when I read the original post. That's me. Intimate once in the last five years and that was four years ago. Staying by choice.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Jeffyboy said:


> It's a trend where both people live in their own apt/houses but they live closeby and meetup like 2-3 times a week but go back and sleep at their separate places or maybe sleep over 1/week.
> 
> I think it mainly works for introverts or people who like to keep the space they want it to.
> 
> Do you know anybody who does this or has any success with it?


Um, isn't this called DATING??


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Jeffyboy said:


> It's a trend where both people live in their own apt/houses but they live closeby and meetup like 2-3 times a week but go back and sleep at their separate places or maybe sleep over 1/week.
> 
> I think it mainly works for introverts or people who like to keep the space they want it to.
> 
> Do you know anybody who does this or has any success with it?


Isn't this just a "boyfriend/girlfriend" normal relationship, courting, not rushing into a (perhaps/maybe later a) more permanent relationship??

Or are you saying it's a new gig, where a person could have two or more at the same time, where everyone knows what's going on, and OK with the whole scene?
*that sounds like normal dating...??

New term for same things?

Just trying to clarify.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

3Xnocharm said:


> Um, isn't this called DATING??


See?

Great minds think alike. 

I should have read all the posts...😎😎


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## Edmund (Apr 1, 2017)

@faithfulwife tried it but ended up getting divorced anyway, if I remember correctly.


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## Herschel (Mar 27, 2016)

This will be likely my life for the next 5 years. Been with a woman for a year and she is 45 mins away. Both have kids in school districts, and I just moved back to my kids district. My kids are good where they don’t mind spending the weekend at her place. Of course, it’s no so hard since we bring he computers, she has a pool and lives on a lake and always has plenty of food around. Unrelated to the post, but on a personal level, I seem to fall up.


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