# This is great!



## lonely one (Sep 3, 2012)

My husband has been having an affair for 2 1/2 years. I just found out that it has been going on this long, i thought it was over 2 years ago. He has decided it's over (yea sure) and has cried. We are going to MC and he is going to IC. Anyway, he has given me access to all of his e-mail accounts, computer, phone, etc. I got into his yahoo account and retrieved the last's weeks e-mails because he had told me that he hadn't talked to her. He hasn't seen her since December, we live 9 hours apart. He had no idea that I was so computer savvy. LOL Anyway, I found out all kinds of things Like, I thought they were together for one weekend, they have met 9 times! She sent him an e-mail with their timeline on it, with dates, cities, what they did, where they ate, etc. This will be great for the attorney if I decide to file. But, one of the things that blew my mind, was my mother in law was in on it. She picked this woman up a couple of times and took her to my husband, (whereever he was) is calling her and they are friends! My mother in law lives in the same area as she does. My mother in law let it slip when we were visiting that she had met her and I flipped out. My husband told me that his mother told him that she felt like a traitor. Now I know why! I will get her back. One way or another, I'm still plotting. She has never liked me, but this is no way for a woman to treat another woman. And she has told me time and time again that she doesn't understand why my husband is doing this and why he lies. OMG! Hello, he learned from you BI***H! I was in shock when I found all of this out, saturday.


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## Squeakr (May 1, 2013)

Sorry you are here. These are the reasons to expose. In your case the MIL already knows and supports H so you are behind the 8 ball already. I know as the same thing happened in my M. The monster in law hated me as well and it makes any type of R nearly impossible as she supports my WW in everything she does. When times are hard she never disappoints me to be there and support all of my WW misdirected thoughts and put more into her head. She is toxic and I post this to forewarn you of possibilities to come. 

Stay strong and good luck in whatever you decide to do. It is new, so take some time for yourself and don't make rash decisions. Seek counselling if you can to help you sort out things for yourself.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

Considering the non stop lies, why even bother with counseling?

As to the MIL, I'd gather the info, send it to her and thank her for teaching her son to lie and hurt others.


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## Ovid (Oct 11, 2012)

I don't know if you want to save what little is left or not, but I do know that either way you need to make this real for him. It's clear that he thinks he can do what he wants and you'll just take him back. The only way it will end is if he is convinced that you're bringing it to an end with a vengeance.

Make it real for him.
1. Start 180 immediately.
2. File D yesterday. You don't have to complete it but you do need to make it clear to him that you are done with his crap.
3. Take half of the money out of any joint accounts. Then have the remaining assets in the joint account frozen so he doesn't have access to them.
4. Post the OW and his mother on cheaterville.
5. If you have a house make an appointment with a real estate agent. Be sure to get a for sale sign in the yard. With him 9 hours away you'll want to send a picture to him and say something like the agent says it needs landscaping to sell faster.
6. If your on facebook or similar, block him. Change your phone number. Go completely dark. 
7. Close any credit cards he has access to. 

Make it real. Make it painful. Make him see that one way or another it is over. 

His only means of contact should be email. You should send him an email with your terms. The terms should include him moving to where you are. Stopping all contact with OW and his mother. They are both toxic to your M and need to go. 2.5 years is a second M. He needs to be forced to choose. If he chooses her you're better off. If he chooses you take 90 days to think about it, even if all demands are met.

Personally I don't think you have an M in anything other than a paper document and the sooner you get rid of him the better.


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## lonely one (Sep 3, 2012)

Wow Ovid, that was a response. I am taking one day at a time. I knew they were together two years ago, but had no idea about the rest of the time. I am not ready to give up yet, but probably for the reasons one would think. These are very selfish but: I don't have to work, I can do whatever I want, I have a nice house, two wonderful children that get to do what they want and we take nice vacations. If I divorce him, I will still have $$ to spend, but it won't be the same. I love my children and they love their father. They have no idea this is going on. We have never had a great marriage, so I am used to being on my own. His job takes him away from home for 2-3 days a week, obviously he was taking advantage of that. We have been fighting about her for a long time. I had no idea they were still seeing each other until a few months ago and had no idea they had met until I found the e-mail. He lives with me. I can't do a 180, I tried it last year and it just drove him further away. However, I found out he had lied to me again last week and when he came home from the counselor he was seeing I asked him if he told the counselor he was still lying to me. I told him to find some other place to live. I think it finally hit him, I mean business. He has cried for days. He won't let go of me, literally. He has a lot of issues. That is why he is in IC. But, I have been with him through sickness, bankruptcy and have always had his back. I am going to make him have mine.

He has given me all of his passwords. I have demanded things from him. He has not balked. He did before and wouldn't let me near his phone, Ipad, computer, etc. Now, I am picking them up in front of him whenever and going through them. He said he has no secrets and it was exhausting keeping them and he is glad it's over. We'll see. Do I believe him? Not really.


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## Ovid (Oct 11, 2012)

lonely one said:


> Wow Ovid, that was a response. I am taking one day at a time. I knew they were together two years ago, but had no idea about the rest of the time. I am not ready to give up yet, but probably for the reasons one would think. These are very selfish but: I don't have to work, I can do whatever I want, I have a nice house, two wonderful children that get to do what they want and we take nice vacations. If I divorce him, I will still have $$ to spend, but it won't be the same. I love my children and they love their father. They have no idea this is going on. We have never had a great marriage, so I am used to being on my own. His job takes him away from home for 2-3 days a week, obviously he was taking advantage of that. We have been fighting about her for a long time. I had no idea they were still seeing each other until a few months ago and had no idea they had met until I found the e-mail. He lives with me. I can't do a 180, I tried it last year and it just drove him further away. However, I found out he had lied to me again last week and when he came home from the counselor he was seeing I asked him if he told the counselor he was still lying to me. I told him to find some other place to live. I think it finally hit him, I mean business. He has cried for days. He won't let go of me, literally. He has a lot of issues. That is why he is in IC. But, I have been with him through sickness, bankruptcy and have always had his back. I am going to make him have mine.
> 
> He has given me all of his passwords. I have demanded things from him. He has not balked. He did before and wouldn't let me near his phone, Ipad, computer, etc. Now, I am picking them up in front of him whenever and going through them. He said he has no secrets and it was exhausting keeping them and he is glad it's over. We'll see. Do I believe him? Not really.


If you ever decide to go shock and awe on him just see my post above.

Until then make sure he gets it in his head that any slip, no matter how small will result in complete and total closure with no return. Make sure you mean it when you say it, so he knows it's true. No matter how nice the house, vacations, etc are they can't be as good as having a faithful husband who truly does have your back, even if you're not watching. I wish you the best.


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## Ovid (Oct 11, 2012)

lonely one said:


> Wow Ovid, that was a response.


I think when I stop posting here people will miss my gentle approach to dealing with As.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Your MIL is a menace. She not only allowed evil to exist, she encouraged it to flourish.

She is like a woman who passed petrol and matches to her son the arsonist.

If she has access to your children it should, IMO, be strictly controlled and limited. She is toxic.


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## lonely one (Sep 3, 2012)

My MIL is 9 hours away, near the OW. We have never gotten along even though I have bent over backwards forever. We just drove down and moved her from one apartment to another. I did ALL of the unpacking. She sat in a chair. She did nothing but compliment me and told me how great I am. She is so two faced. She accidentally told me that she had met the Ow and then lied about how and didn't say that they talk all of the time and she supposedly loves her. She did say she could see a difference in how my husband was treating me and it was good. She is 71 and her husband died last October. He was a good man. He didn't deserve to have to be married to her. Everytime she is with me she tells me that maybe I should leave my husband. Now I know why. I will get her back. I have her only two grandchildren and her only son. I just have to figure out when and how. Anyone with any ideas feel free to share.


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## Ovid (Oct 11, 2012)

Print up proof of her encouraging her son to cheat on you. Then circulate that proof around her church. At the bottom of the flyer ask people to pray for her.


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## Calibre12 (Nov 27, 2012)

As Ovid said, but since you are leveraging, you have to "bluff" something...Looks like he isn't going to give her up...Your only other option is to expose her: Cheaterville. That will shred it asap. Basic psychology...At least for a time. It will give you a compass for yourself and buy you time to formulate your plan.


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## Calibre12 (Nov 27, 2012)

BTW read "Welcome Newbies" thread by AlmostRecovered...Valuable info and tools there.


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

Send her a goodbye b!tch email, enjoy homewrecker-OW's friendship.
Just go NC with MIL, she deserves it.


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## lonely one (Sep 3, 2012)

I love all of your answers about the MIL. LOL She knows that I know, he told her today, he just didn't go into details. I have been reading the e-mails that I found. She is psycho (the OW) she's like a stalker, telling him that he has to take care of her because he loves her and they have to be together, it's God's plan. She sounds pathetic. His replies to her were that she needs to find someone and move on with her life, but not in those harsh of words. She just kept coming back with, why don't you leave her and be with me? I was actually laughing at the e-mails. I feel better with his responses (still don't trust him and he has to prove everything). Her e-mails were almost like brainwashing him and I don't think he is a strong person. His mother guilts him because she says she's lonely, etc. He's her only child. At least he is 9 hours away and she can't do it locally.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Would an evil toxic affair enabling MIL be eligible for Cheaterville?


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## MovingAhead (Dec 27, 2012)

MattMatt said:


> Would an evil toxic affair enabling MIL be eligible for Cheaterville?


:iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree:


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## lonely one (Sep 3, 2012)

Calibre12 said:


> BTW read "Welcome Newbies" thread by AlmostRecovered...Valuable info and tools there.


Where do I find this?


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

First of all, I would not at all trust that he is ending it with the OW, no matter what the tone of his e-mails to her now are. He sounds weak and their affair is a long one. If you want to reconcile, you have to make extremely clear what the consequences will be if he doesn't cut off contact with her completely and forever.

I doubt your own resolve in this, since you are open about the material comfort of your marriage and your unwillingness to forego that. Nonetheless, if you want him to stop, you have to be extremely clear about his transparency and NC (no contact).

As far as the MIL goes, I would personally be tempted to gaslight her. I would intimate that you would like to repay her in kind, but, of course, you are not duplicitous the way she is. Make her think that something is coming, but then do nothing. You can always strike later. What kind of grandmother encourages the breakup of her grandchildren's healthy family environment?

In general, OP, you need to be extremely vigilant now. As I said, I don't believe your H can be trusted to really break this off now.


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## AngryandUsed (Jun 23, 2011)

lonely one said:


> Where do I find this?


Search for any post by AlmostRecovered in the forum. The link is right under his signature.


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## disconnected (May 30, 2013)

AngryandUsed said:


> Search for any post by AlmostRecovered in the forum. The link is right under his signature.


Thread name is "Welcome TAM CWI newbies- please read this"


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## lonely one (Sep 3, 2012)

I just asked him to get his phone records starting in May and he said he would. Is there anything else that I should be looking for? There isn't any way to find out if someone has an e-mail address that you don't know about is there?


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## Squeakr (May 1, 2013)

lonely one said:


> I just asked him to get his phone records starting in May and he said he would. Is there anything else that I should be looking for? There isn't any way to find out if someone has an e-mail address that you don't know about is there?


Unless they want you to know about it and tell you, or someone knows about it and tells you, if they cover their tracks well enough, you will never be able to find out about hidden email accounts. If you were to put a keylogger on the computer then you could catch it, but without that, if browsing history is cleansed and they use certain" apps" then you will never know or find them. It is the one fear that I have about my WW. She knows this and could start a new one and take it underground whenever she chooses (and she has done it before).


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

Welcome TAM CWI newbies- please read this


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## Remains (Jan 24, 2012)

lonely one said:


> I will get her back. I have her only two grandchildren and her only son. I just have to figure out when and how. Anyone with any ideas feel free to share.


Obviously what follows is dependant on if you want this, if your husband deserves this, and if he shows adequate remorse...

... Build a good marriage and happy life and avoid seeing her always. Tell her you are busy, you can't this week maybe next, that you have other commitments you can't get out of etc. And be nothing but wonderful and pleasant to her. Maybe drop the odd bit of info in about the lovely thing your husband did for you that week (being always ready to ignore the vitriolic response). Smile inside knowing she is poison and doesn't know how to smile on the inside.


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## Remains (Jan 24, 2012)

BTW, is the only reason your MIL encourages this affair due to the fact this woman lives near her and you don't? Therefore, if her son took up with her she would have him back again? 

Or maybe it is purely because he loves you and she is threatened by that. He would do much for you and so she encourages him to ruin that so that she can 'have him back'.

MIL's needs obviously come above all else and everyone else's happiness, and above what is right and wrong.


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## lonely one (Sep 3, 2012)

Remains, I thought of that. Since her husband died, I am sure she would want my son with her or near her. But, she has always hated me. 

My husband told me that I used to talk to him like a dog. That I treated him badly. He also has told his mother and his girlfriend. I am just the devil in disguise I guess. When I found out about his affair two years ago, I took a long look at myself and I went to counseling and prayed a lot for whatever ill that was in my heart to go away. I guess it did. I don't feel any different or think that I act any different, but he does. My friends say I am just the same. This is one reason, I guess, I am still here. I took ownership for my part of making the marriage bad and wanted to start over. He says I have changed and it's good. But, his mother still thinks I am bad.


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

lonely one said:


> Remains, I thought of that. Since her husband died, I am sure she would want my son with her or near her. But, she has always hated me.
> 
> My husband told me that I used to talk to him like a dog. That I treated him badly. He also has told his mother and his girlfriend. I am just the devil in disguise I guess. When I found out about his affair two years ago, I took a long look at myself and I went to counseling and prayed a lot for whatever ill that was in my heart to go away. I guess it did. I don't feel any different or think that I act any different, but he does. My friends say I am just the same. This is one reason, I guess, I am still here. I took ownership for my part of making the marriage bad and wanted to start over. He says I have changed and it's good. But, his mother still thinks I am bad.


Something similar happened to a BH I know... only he just pretended he was comited to change.
Six months after DDay and his wayward wife couln't be more grateful on how BH changed. He didn't change a thing, except for being more angry at her.
It's all about rewriting and filters. Justifying in front if the mirror.


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## harrybrown (May 22, 2013)

Have you husband tell his mother how you have changed and are an angel now.


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