# So it's been 2 weeks



## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

It's now been 2 weeks since I finally went NC with a girl who was just stringing me along for about 4 months. I know...everybody told me but I didn't listen. We go to the same church so we'll bump into each other ocassionally but I won't initiate anything. 

I haven't gone to the church the last two weeks for a couple of reasons. The first reason is I just wanted some time to kinda gather my bearing. But here's the real reason. Since other people have began commenting about my physical changes due to recently restarting my workout plan, I know it's starting to show. The next time I see her, I want to make sure there are some noticeable changes. Noticeable ones...lol

I also began thinking about 3 years ago when I was in the gym a lot. I went from dating 6's & 7's to solid 8's and questionable 9's. I think I'm on to something!


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## lorikeet25 (Jun 22, 2016)

I think that is a very normal way to feel, but be prepared for her not to really care.


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

lorikeet25 said:


> I think that is a very normal way to feel, but be prepared for her not to really care.


Yeah. Having gotten to know her fairly well, that's probably the likely response. But it's almost like she has served to motivate me to change some things. 

Truthfully, I sensed from her near the end of our involvement she had the attitude almost as if she was doing me a favor by spending time with me. It was like she just "knew" she was the best thing I've ever had. If she only knew...lol.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

You're still not healthy. You are motivated to improve to show her what she is missing, and not doing this for yourself. You will heal in time.


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

blueinbr said:


> You're still not healthy. You are motivated to improve to show her what she is missing, and not doing this for yourself. You will heal in time.


No. I started hitting the gym before things ended. It's all about me. I'm loving the changes. She has admittedly given me extra motivation, though.


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

marksaysay said:


> No. I started hitting the gym before things ended. It's all about me. I'm loving the changes. She has admittedly given me extra motivation, though.


If it's all about you, then you shouldn't care whether you see her, whether she's at church, or what she'll think when she sees you. 

Avoiding church because you're buffing up.... That's a new one I haven't heard yet.


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

Satya said:


> Avoiding church because you're buffing up.... That's a new one I haven't heard yet.


Lmbo!!! Now that you put it that way, that doesn't sound like a very good reason, does it?


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## stixx (Mar 20, 2017)

You've had a couple of posters tell you the obvious and it went right over your head. 

So I'll chime in and try to say it another way. 

If you didn't care about her you wouldn't care what she thinks about you. 

I mean, do you care what anyone else at the church thinks about you? If not, then why just her?

You gotta let her go, it's not healthy to hold on to something that just isn't there.


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

blueinbr said:


> You're still not healthy. You are motivated to improve to show her what she is missing, and not doing this for yourself. You will heal in time.


This. But, time + NC will bring you to a healing place. 

I also would find a new church, because if you don't want to see her, and church is important to you, I wouldn't allow that to cause you to stop going. 

Keep up the good work! Do it all for you.


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## NoChoice (Feb 12, 2012)

OP,
Perhaps you should reevaluate your reason for attending a house of worship. Also, if you are grading your females on outward appearance only then be prepared to have your score averaged out. A woman who is an 8, questionable 9 may be only a 2, questionable 3 in trustworthiness thereby making her overall score a 0 once you have a family and she decides she wants another guy. Be cautious.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

NoChoice said:


> OP,
> Perhaps you should reevaluate your reason for attending a house of worship. Also, if you are grading your females on outward appearance only then be prepared to have your score averaged out. A woman who is an 8, questionable 9 may be only a 2, questionable 3 in trustworthiness thereby making her overall score a 0 once you have a family and she decides she wants another guy. Be cautious.


I agree. The way the op think its ok to grade women and give them a number purely for the way they look is appalling. It sort of shows how he views women. :frown2:


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## stixx (Mar 20, 2017)

Diana7 said:


> I agree. The way the op think its ok to grade women and give them a number purely for the way they look is appalling. It sort of shows how he views women. :frown2:


This is something a 6 or less would say.


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

stixx said:


> I mean, do you care what anyone else at the church thinks about you? If not, then why just her?
> 
> You gotta let her go, it's not healthy to hold on to something that just isn't there.


That's a valid point! I don't really care what anyone else at the church may think. Just her. I had the thought that she would try to initiate contact once I stopped, too, but that lasted for about a week. 

I know I've got to move on. I always do. She definitely made it seem like there was something there for a while but I see it was only what I was wanting to see. I'll be fine. I guess I need a little more time.

Some of the motivation she gives me, though, is not so much about getting her back as it to prove her wrong. She is NOT the best I've ever had nor is she my ONLY option. 

And, yes, the last time I was hitting the gym, the grade of women I attracted definitely went up a notch or two.


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## stixx (Mar 20, 2017)

marksaysay said:


> That's a valid point! I don't really care what anyone else at the church may think. Just her. I had the thought that she would try to initiate contact once I stopped, too, but that lasted for about a week.


You want her to initiate contact. You want her to be impressed by your appearance. You want to get back with her. You're about the only one on this thread who doesn't know that. 



marksaysay said:


> Some of the motivation she gives me, though, is not so much about getting her back as it to prove her wrong.


You want to prove her wrong because what she thinks about you, matters. 



marksaysay said:


> And, yes, the last time I was hitting the gym, the grade of women I attracted definitely went up a notch or two.


That would naturally follow. Although what you said is not quite accurate. You attract a higher grade of women when you're fit, but you still attract the fat ugly ones too. You just don't notice them.


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

NoChoice said:


> OP,
> Perhaps you should reevaluate your reason for attending a house of worship. Also, if you are grading your females on outward appearance only then be prepared to have your score averaged out. A woman who is an 8, questionable 9 may be only a 2, questionable 3 in trustworthiness thereby making her overall score a 0 once you have a family and she decides she wants another guy. Be cautious.


My frame of thought concerning the church is definitely not in the right place, so thank you for that. Secondly, men are visual creatures. In most cases, the outward appearance is where most men start.


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

stixx said:


> You want her to initiate contact. You want her to be impressed by your appearance. You want to get back with her. You're about the only one on this thread who doesn't know that.


You're probably right. I've been very tempted to text her, even today, but I thought better against it. A part of me says "she'll text you one of these days" but more of me is starting to say "she can just go to hell"




stixx said:


> You want to prove her wrong because what she thinks about you, matters.


Idk. I think I want to prove her wrong because she's wrong...lol.




stixx said:


> That would naturally follow. Although what you said is not quite accurate. You attract a higher grade of women when you're fit, but you still attract the fat ugly ones too. You just don't notice them.


LMBO!!!


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## NoChoice (Feb 12, 2012)

marksaysay said:


> My frame of thought concerning the church is definitely not in the right place, so thank you for that. Secondly, men are visual creatures. In most cases, the outward appearance is where most men start.


and a lot of marriages end.


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

NoChoice said:


> and a lot of marriages end.


By no means is physical beauty my only criteria when looking for a potential partner, but physical attraction is important, right?


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

stixx said:


> This is something a 6 or less would say.


No its something that a person who actually respects people would say. I would never speak about men like that. I have never judged men just on how good looking they are. Its shallow.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

marksaysay said:


> By no means is physical beauty my only criteria when looking for a potential partner, but physical attraction is important, right?


If you are a Christian the no 1 criteria for you is that any woman you date and marry shares your faith.


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

Diana7 said:


> If you are a Christian the no 1 criteria for you is that any woman you date and marry shares your faith.


That IS my number 1 criteria. And it has definitely made finding someone that much harder. I can easily find a date. But I tried dating someone who was not Christian, a few times and it never feels right...AT ALL.


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## FrazzledSadHusband (Jul 3, 2014)

I had a pastor that always preached that a woman's relationship with Christ should mean much more than looks, followed by personality and how well both of you get along.

Looks fade, body parts sag, hair thins out. If you are both still enjoying together, what does it matter if BOTH your bodies are aging?


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

marksaysay said:


> That IS my number 1 criteria. And it has definitely made finding someone that much harder. I can easily find a date. But I tried dating someone who was not Christian, a few times and it never feels right...AT ALL.


You should try being a female in the church, there are far more women than men.


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

OP if you have any chance of finding a relationship you need to truly develop confidence. The way you pine away and obsess about this woman is very telling of your personality. You may pretend you have confidence but I think many would argue the opposite. 

Do you think by becoming more fit you are going to teach her a lesson? Do you think she's going to look at you and think how she missed the love boat? After reading your post and getting an idea of how your mind works I would guess you make this woman uncomfortable and her one goal is to have zero interaction with you.

Put a rubber band around your pecker and every time you think of this woman reach down and snap it!! You are obsessing and that is not healthy!


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

marksaysay said:


> I also began thinking about 3 years ago when I was in the gym a lot. I went from dating 6's & 7's to solid 8's and questionable 9's. I think I'm on to something!


Wait... going to the gym raises your sexual rank? In other news, the sky is blue and grass is green.

Good job OP, the only church you want to make sure you don't ever skip is the church of iron!


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## stixx (Mar 20, 2017)

Diana7 said:


> You should try being a female in the church, there are far more women than men.


That would be a rather extreme course of action and probably irreversible.


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

Cooper said:


> OP if you have any chance of finding a relationship you need to truly develop confidence. The way you pine away and obsess about this woman is very telling of your personality. You may pretend you have confidence but I think many would argue the opposite.


I wouldn't say I'm pining away for her, but I do still think about her at times, though. 



Cooper said:


> Do you think by becoming more fit you are going to teach her a lesson? Do you think she's going to look at you and think how she missed the love boat? After reading your post and getting an idea of how your mind works I would guess you make this woman uncomfortable and her one goal is to have zero interaction with you.


No, I don't think getting fit will teach her a lesson. I do think it has done wonders for my confidence and that added confidence is going to help dispell her idea that she's the best thing I could ever or will ever have (that's kinda the attitude she had at the end). In terms of making her uncomfortable, I'm not sure about that. I mean, our last date required us to drive 1 1/2 hours away. I think her lack of interest or loss of interest is a combination of a lot of things, some I could control and some I couldn't.


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

BetrayedDad said:


> Good job OP, the only church you want to make sure you don't ever skip is the church of iron!


The more comments I see regarding my reason for skipping church, the more ridiculous it starts to sound!


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

So in order for some of you to gain a better understanding of my situation, I've decided to be a little more transparent about what's been really going on. It feels weird doing so on a forum full of complete strangers but I've shared so much over the years so I guess you should know the rest. 

For the past 3 yrs, I've been battling depression. I've felt trapped by the 4 walls of my apartment. I'm an ordained minister who struggles with guilt because of the things I do to cope with the loneliness (drinking daily and at time resorting to other forms of stimulation). I work 12 hrs days, 5 days a week and I just want to go do nothing after work. I now go to the gym after work but then back home. On my off days, I'm a private baseball instructor (I was once a professional player). 

There's not many constructive avenues of entertainment after 8:00 or 9:00 pm so I go home. Due to my divorce, I live 1,000+ miles from my closest family member only to stay close to my only child who still lives in my town. I've gone out at times, but the venue choices are not the places a "minister" should frequent, so after a while I feel guilty and stop. 

I am well aware that I've spent way too much time dwelling on this girl, but when you do nothing but sit at home most of the time, it offers ample time for your mind to wonder. I'm currently seeing a therapist but I have yet to come up with a healthy solution to the extreme loneliness I feel daily. 

So in other words, the fact that I have no life and no social outlet contributes to the clinginess I displayed with my most recent lady friend. I finally had someone to talk to and spend time with, albeit only when she wanted to, but it was better than none at all. I actually felt like I had something to look forward to and then it was gone. I have dated several women since my divorce and I truly don't have an issue finding someone who wants to date me. The problem is most don't share my faith so I simply dismiss them, being willing to wait for someone who does. 

So now you know the whole story!!!


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

marksaysay said:


> For the past 3 yrs, I've been battling depression. I've felt trapped by the 4 walls of my apartment. I'm an ordained minister who struggles with guilt because of the things I do to cope with the loneliness (drinking daily and at time resorting to other forms of stimulation).


Yeah, and David ended up making sure Uriah was killed (basically implementing his murder) and having sex with Bathsheba. But he was still a man after God's own heart. Depressed? How about seeing a doctor for depression. You might need some medication. Feeling guilty because of wanting a drink on a daily basis? How about "Celebrate Recovery"? Talk to the pastor leading one of the groups in order to keep it strictly confidential. 

So it sounds like it's time to explore other venues to hang out in. I hung out in bars in another life. I saw a bunch of regulars come in at 5:00 p.m. on a Friday night. Quiet. Introverted. Not exactly what anyone would call the life of the party. By the time I left at 8:00 p.m.? EVERYBODY was everybody's best friend. Laughing. Ordering drinks for the house. Back slapping. Flirting. The whole thing. But these people went back to what they were at 5:00 p.m. the next day. I found it incredibly depressing. That was in the end of my "fun" times at a bar. 

There must be singles groups at other churches in your area. Hey, nothing wrong with going bowling, attending a play, seeing a movie. Whatever



marksaysay said:


> I finally had someone to talk to and spend time with, albeit only when she wanted to, but it was better than none at all. I actually felt like I had something to look forward to and then it was gone. I have dated several women since my divorce and I truly don't have an issue finding someone who wants to date me. The problem is most don't share my faith so I simply dismiss them, being willing to wait for someone who does.


I understand your loneliness. Believe me, I DO. You are looking for a companion who shares your faith. Well, as Joyce Meyer frequently says, she has people come up to her crying, "WHY can't I find someone? WHY???" Then she also has people coming up to her saying, "My spouse is driving me CRAZY! I just want to be alone!!" The grass always looks greener on the other side, doesn't it? 

Regardless of your current situation, remember there is someone who is never going to leave or forsake you. How about a simple prayer, asking God to meet you where you are right now? I'm not here to proselytize or argue the pro's and con's of an ultimate higher power. I just know that what has occurred in my own life is nothing short of downright amazing.

Seriously. Get treatment for your depression. Put down the bottle; it won't give you the peace of mind you seek. JMO.


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

marksaysay said:


> So in order for some of you to gain a better understanding of my situation, I've decided to be a little more transparent about what's been really going on. It feels weird doing so on a forum full of complete strangers but I've shared so much over the years so I guess you should know the rest.
> 
> For the past 3 yrs, I've been battling depression. I've felt trapped by the 4 walls of my apartment. I'm an ordained minister who struggles with guilt because of the things I do to cope with the loneliness (drinking daily and at time resorting to other forms of stimulation). I work 12 hrs days, 5 days a week and I just want to go do nothing after work. I now go to the gym after work but then back home. On my off days, I'm a private baseball instructor (I was once a professional player).
> 
> ...


Ah, okay, this makes more sense now. That could be why you invested so much emotionally into this one woman at your church. I think you should pray about it, and really let God direct your life, since you are a believer. And maybe, if/when you continue dating, just enjoy the experience and don't over analyze. I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers, that you'll find a better sense of peace in all of this.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

Is it that hard to find Christian women to date in your town or do you require a specific denomination?

Btw, i get the obsession over this woman. Went through it myself for much longer than you. 

But the posters are right. It does get better with time.


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## Red Sonja (Sep 8, 2012)

stixx said:


> This is something a 6 or less would say.


And that is something a male who can only "pull" 6's or less would say ... or a misogynist. :slap:


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Cmon, that was a pretty funny comment stixx had there. Don't be do thin skinned.

It was a JOKE!


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

It is a sad commentary on your church (or perhaps the Church in general) that you are lacking connection. Connection is what the Christian life is all about, but somehow the emphasis is not where it should be, which should be bringing people together in loving relationships. 

It sounds like you don't have any friends. That is not healthy. You need friends. People you can be transparent with and enjoy spending time with. Don't you have friendships with other ministers? In my city, a lot of the pastors get together for coffee and prayer. 

Quite frankly, this isolation is extremely unhealthy and you should make it a priority to do something about it. Join something that gets you out of the house. Make it a priority. There are basketball leagues, baseball leagues, etc. 

Get some guys together and go play pool or darts. I know you don't feel comfortable in bars and I do understand that people notice their pastor at a bar, but if that happens, go say hi and don't be shy about it. I am not a pastor, but I'm a serious Christian. I often hang out in a local bar to sing karaoke. I drink whiskey. So far, I haven't been struck by lightening and my Christian friends are still my friends and prayer partners.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

Wait a minute.... You work at the church as a minister, but you haven't been to church in two weeks? Is that what you said?


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Evinrude58 said:


> Cmon, that was a pretty funny comment stixx had there. Don't be do thin skinned.
> 
> It was a JOKE!


Really? What was funny about it?


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Aren't there things going on at your church during the week? How about a men's group? My husband had just started one up at our church because there isn't one. As an ordained minister cant you do that? Most churches have midweek evening fellowship groups as well. How about you do some voluntary with in the evenings if that is a hard time for you? Ask your church if there is anything that needs doing there. 

I am guessing that you are more of an extrovert? I am more of an introvert and if I had worked for 12 hours I would be more than glad to come home and chill out on my own.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Red Sonja said:


> And that is something a male who can only "pull" 6's or less would say ... or a misogynist. :slap:


:grin2:


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

Diana7 said:


> Really? What was funny about it?




Ignore him. Everyone knows the female Tammers are at least solid 8s or questionable 9s.


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

CynthiaDe said:


> Wait a minute.... You work at the church as a minister, but you haven't been to church in two weeks? Is that what you said?


I agree that the isolation is unhealthy. I've recently gone out a few more days than normal. It's just that 7 a.m. comes earlier than it use to...lol. The leagues all start around 6. I work til 8 everyday. On my off days, I'm gIving baseball lessons usually until 7 or 8. Yeah. I work...A LOT!

And I don't work at the church. I'm a minister, not a pastor. I don't have any type of paid position. I've also made no claims to have had it all together. Not once!


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

blueinbr said:


> Ignore him. Everyone knows the female Tammers are at least solid 8s or questionable 9s.


Well according to my husband I am a 10, and his is the only opinion I care about.:smile2:


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

CynthiaDe said:


> Get some guys together and go play pool or darts. I know you don't feel comfortable in bars and I do understand that people notice their pastor at a bar, but if that happens, go say hi and don't be shy about it. I am not a pastor, but I'm a serious Christian. I often hang out in a local bar to sing karaoke. I drink whiskey. So far, I haven't been struck by lightening and my Christian friends are still my friends and prayer partners.


I've gone that route before. I can only do it for so long before a variety of temptations for old habits resurface. It's a catch 22.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

marksaysay said:


> I've gone that route before. I can only do it for so long before a variety of temptations for old habits resurface. It's a catch 22.


It makes sense that you want to avoid temptation. But my point is that there are a variety of things to do. You don't have to be isolated. Just be yourself and find some real friends. Have you prayed and asked the Lord to convict you of what you need to do in order to find and build some solid relationships? I know it can be difficult, but it is entirely worth the effort. I seriously don't know what I would do without my friends.


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

I've always kept a super small circle. Up until 6 yes ago, I had a family. Since then, I've felt like an outcast. I can try to enjoy life by going out more but it always leads to somewhere else. I either resort to old habits or I resort to old habits...lol. None of them are good!


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

marksaysay said:


> I've always kept a super small circle. Up until 6 yes ago, I had a family. Since then, I've felt like an outcast. I can try to enjoy life by going out more but it always leads to somewhere else. I either resort to old habits or I resort to old habits...lol. None of them are good!


This is something you can resolve. Don't you believe in regeneration?! You walk this through in prayer and let go of things that are holding you back from being who you were created to be and doing what you were created to do. You clearly were not created for isolation. Ask the Lord to convict you of what you need to do here. You need freedom.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

marksaysay said:


> I've gone that route before. I can only do it for so long before a variety of temptations for old habits resurface. It's a catch 22.


Do you not have male friends at your church? Get some together and go and eat or go bowling. Doesn't your church have men's groups? Or midweek fellowship groups? You wont make friends unless you make the effort. 
We have recently moved across the country to where we knew no one. We found a friendly church and are gradually getting to know the people there. I have a good women's group and my husband has started a mens group, and he also joined an even midweek group. Thats how to get to know people in your church, you have to make that effort.


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

You are going to struggle to find a woman who will want 100% of your social life to depend on her.

At least not a fully healthy one at any rate...


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

Diana7 said:


> Do you not have male friends at your church? Get some together and go and eat or go bowling. Doesn't your church have men's groups? Or midweek fellowship groups? You wont make friends unless you make the effort.
> We have recently moved across the country to where we knew no one. We found a friendly church and arye gradually getting to know the people there. I have a good women's group and my husband has started a mens group, and he also joined an even midweek group. Thats how to get to know people in your church, you have to make that effort.


I'm friendly with everyone, I just have no time. I'm usually working until 8 pm every night. That's too late to join any leagues. Wednesday is my early night out so i go to bible study when i don't get stuck working. The men's group meets on Saturday mornings when I'm working. Sundays, it's church, then off to my baseball lessons.

I go out to eat often but usually by myself after working out. I tried softball last year but it wasn't fun with just 5 teams and only 2 were competitive. I use to do a lot when I was married and had 8-5 job. Now, all I do is work, work, work. 7 days a week. It's been that way for atleast 2-3 years straight and probably most of the last 6 years.


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

*Deidre* said:


> Ah, okay, this makes more sense now. That could be why you invested so much emotionally into this one woman at your church.


Yeah. I finally for once felt like I'd made a good choice. 



*Deidre* said:


> I think you should pray about it, and really let God direct your life, since you are a believer.


Admittedly, I struggle just praying at all.


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

marksaysay said:


> Yeah. I finally for once felt like I'd made a good choice.
> 
> 
> 
> Admittedly, I struggle just praying at all.


When you pray, what percentage is spent talking, and what percent is spent listening?

Do you drive with your stereo off?

Do you allocate time to just be still and listen?

I asked all of this because I am terrible at each of these things, yet when I actually am deliberate about them, I hear Him a lot more clearly.


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

farsidejunky said:


> When you pray, what percentage is spent talking, and what percent is spent listening?
> 
> Do you drive with your stereo off?
> 
> ...


Man, at the end of the day, all I have is tons of idle time. I use to pray quite frequently along with regular bible study. When you have nothing else to do, you get tired of doing that.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

marksaysay said:


> I work 12 hrs days, 5 days a week and I just want to go do nothing after work. I now go to the gym after work but then back home. On my off days, I'm a private baseball instructor (I was once a professional player).
> 
> There's not many constructive avenues of entertainment after 8:00 or 9:00 pm so I go home. Due to my divorce, I live 1,000+ miles from my closest family member only to stay close to my only child who still lives in my town. I've gone out at times, but the venue choices are not the places a "minister" should frequent, so after a while I feel guilty and stop.


Why are you working so much? This gives no time for relationships. It's not healthy. What days do you have off?


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

CynthiaDe said:


> Why are you working so much? This gives no time for relationships. It's not healthy. What days do you have off?


I don't have days off. My regular job is 4-12 hr days with 1-10 hr day. On my "off" days, I give private baseball lessons for 4 or 5 hrs. I work 7 days a week and I've done so for the past 3+ years.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

marksaysay said:


> I don't have days off. My regular job is 4-12 hr days with 1-10 hr day. On my "off" days, I give private baseball lessons for 4 or 5 hrs. I work 7 days a week and I've done so for the past 3+ years.


There is no balance in your life. You don't have a prayer life or daily devotional time, yet you are a minister. You are leading an extremely unhealthy life. You don't need a girlfriend, you need to reassess your situation and make some changes in order to have a healthy balance in your life.

You are not supposed to minister from your own strength, but if you are not in relationship with the Lord, how can he empower you to minister? Ministry comes from the move of the Holy Spirit through you, but if you aren't connecting to the power source, you are trying to do it of your own and that is not really ministry at all. Talk to your pastor about this. Ask for help. 

No wonder you are feeling needy and obsessing over the woman you were dating. You are looking to her to fulfill a place that you are not not properly nurturing in your own life. That makes you a poor choice for any healthy woman. She can't be your power source.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

marksaysay said:


> I don't have days off. My regular job is 4-12 hr days with 1-10 hr day. On my "off" days, I give private baseball lessons for 4 or 5 hrs. I work 7 days a week and I've done so for the past 3+ years.


I would try to get a coaching job on a women's baseball team. An older women's team, of course. Or at least go to their games and "Root" them on.

You cannot get wet if you insist on living in the desert. 

Go on Christian Mingling or whatever that website is for meeting other Christians. 
.......................................................................................................................................................................

Cut back on your freakin' other activities. Run the woods with your nose down. Be out there where females can see you.


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## NoChoice (Feb 12, 2012)

OP,
Another consideration is your inflexibility regarding any woman meeting your "faith" requirements. There are many good women out there that may not ascribe to your exact belief system. Perhaps if you broadened your options somewhat. I have found that there are good people in all areas of "faith". Limiting your selection to one faith may indeed cut your chances of meeting a really nice woman. Just something to ponder.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

marksaysay said:


> Man, at the end of the day, all I have is tons of idle time. I use to pray quite frequently along with regular bible study. When you have nothing else to do, you get tired of doing that.




How do you tons of idle time when you work so much? That doesn't make sense.


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

blueinbr said:


> How do you tons of idle time when you work so much? That doesn't make sense.


When I get off work @ 8, I go workout until 9ish, and then it's me and my apartment until I fall asleep, usually midnight or 1 am. That's how my nonworking hours are spent. I once spent most of that time either reading and studying the bible, in prayer, or working on my piano skills. After doing this for the better part of 6 years, I've lost even a desire to do those things and I use to love doing them all.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

marksaysay said:


> When I get off work @ 8, I go workout until 9ish, and then it's me and my apartment until I fall asleep, usually midnight or 1 am. That's how my nonworking hours are spent. I once spent most of that time either reading and studying the bible, in prayer, or working on my piano skills. After doing this for the better part of 6 years, I've lost even a desire to do those things and I use to love doing them all.


This is because you do not have anyone close to you. This is loneliness. This is a lack of balance and a lack of deep connection. You are on the road to disaster if you don't change this situation. If you are trying to find a way to make this work, you are wasting your time. It doesn't work. You have found that out.


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

CynthiaDe said:


> There is no balance in your life. You don't have a prayer life or daily devotional time, yet you are a minister. You are leading an extremely unhealthy life. You don't need a girlfriend, you need to reassess your situation and make some changes in order to have a healthy balance in your life.


Yeah. There really isn't any balance, really. I work. And that's it. 



CynthiaDe said:


> You are not supposed to minister from your own strength, but if you are not in relationship with the Lord, how can he empower you to minister? Ministry comes from the move of the Holy Spirit through you, but if you aren't connecting to the power source, you are trying to do it of your own and that is not really ministry at all. Talk to your pastor about this. Ask for help.


Ministry? I just want to feel alive. Most of the time, when I'm not working, I just feel like I simply exist. That's it. I exist.



CynthiaDe said:


> No wonder you are feeling needy and obsessing over the woman you were dating. You are looking to her to fulfill a place that you are not not properly nurturing in your own life. That makes you a poor choice for any healthy woman. She can't be your power source.


I agree!


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

CynthiaDe said:


> There is no balance in your life. You don't have a prayer life or daily devotional time, yet you are a minister. You are leading an extremely unhealthy life. You don't need a girlfriend, you need to reassess your situation and make some changes in order to have a healthy balance in your life.
> 
> You are not supposed to minister from your own strength, but if you are not in relationship with the Lord, how can he empower you to minister? Ministry comes from the move of the Holy Spirit through you, but if you aren't connecting to the power source, you are trying to do it of your own and that is not really ministry at all. Talk to your pastor about this. Ask for help.
> 
> No wonder you are feeling needy and obsessing over the woman you were dating. You are looking to her to fulfill a place that you are not not properly nurturing in your own life. That makes you a poor choice for any healthy woman. She can't be your power source.


QFT.


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

CynthiaDe said:


> This is because you do not have anyone close to you. This is loneliness. This is a lack of balance and a lack of deep connection. You are on the road to disaster if you don't change this situation. If you are trying to find a way to make this work, you are wasting your time. It doesn't work. You have found that out.


Yeah. It sucks having no one. I am extremely lonely most of the time. I don't know how to fix it or I would have done it long ago. The ways I've tried to fix it only lead me to doing things that I feel guilty about, i.e., going to bars & clubs regularly (they're the only social outlets available after 9 pm), drinking excessively, giving in to sexual desires with women I know aren't right for me, and the list goes on. So to prevent me from doing those things, I just stay home.


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## Luvher4life (Jan 15, 2016)

You have to go to church for the right reasons. If you don't, you won't grow spiritually.


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

How much sleep do you get each night?


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

farsidejunky said:


> How much sleep do you get each night?


6 or 7 hours. Sometimes less because I usually wake up in the middle of the night. Then it takes a while to get back to sleep.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

marksaysay said:


> Yeah. It sucks having no one. I am extremely lonely most of the time. I don't know how to fix it or I would have done it long ago. The ways I've tried to fix it only lead me to doing things that I feel guilty about, i.e., going to bars & clubs regularly (they're the only social outlets available after 9 pm), drinking excessively, giving in to sexual desires with women I know aren't right for me, and the list goes on. So to prevent me from doing those things, I just stay home.


You fix it by not working so many hours, spending time daily in the Word and prayer, making deep connections, etc. If your current position doesn't allow for that, it is time to find something else. God did not call you to have an unbalanced life devoid of deep connection and not empowered by the Holy Spirit through a vibrant spiritual life. What you are currently doing is not biblical or healthy.

The way you are living is unsustainable. You are already in the crash phase. You cannot work seven days a week and have no deep relationships and be a healthy person. You were not designed to operate that way. You are trying to operate outside of your design perimeters. Find a new position, even if it's outside of ministry. And stop working seven days a week. You need a day of rest.


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

CynthiaDe said:


> You fix it by not working so many hours, spending time daily in the Word and prayer, making deep connections, etc. If your current position doesn't allow for that, it is time to find something else. God did not call you to have an unbalanced life devoid of deep connection and not empowered by the Holy Spirit through a vibrant spiritual life. What you are currently doing is not biblical or healthy.


Unfortunately, there's not much I can do about my work schedule right now. My current "regular" 50+ hr a wk job provides me with a car because I currently don't have one. I could probably stop giving baseball lessons to free up Thursday and Sunday nights, but the extra cash helps. I am also aware that my faith has been severely compromised. I've been in the place where I'm at for quite a while now, with no end seemingly in sight. I've come to just accept it, I guess.



CynthiaDe said:


> The way you are living is unsustainable. You are already in the crash phase. You cannot work seven days a week and have no deep relationships and be a healthy person. You were not designed to operate that way. You are trying to operate outside of your design perimeters. Find a new position, even if it's outside of ministry. And stop working seven days a week. You need a day of rest.


Unsustainable? Crash phase? I don't know. I am tired of feeling the way I feel, though.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

marksaysay said:


> Unsustainable? Crash phase? I don't know. I am tired of feeling the way I feel, though.


Yes. Seriously unsustainable. You no longer have a spiritual life. You are exhausted, lonely, and sad. This is not working for you on any level. You are trying to find a woman who will solve your problems, but that is not the answer. Your problem has nothing to do with being single. You couldn't maintain a healthy relationship with your current schedule anyway.

You are working yourself to the bone, but you cannot even afford a car? What?! I'm sorry, but this is ridiculous. I do not understand how you think that this is okay. You are not trapped in your current life. There are options, but you have to find them. Seek and you will find. Ask expecting the answer and you will find what you need. 

You should not be in ministry in your current condition.


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

CynthiaDe said:


> You no longer have a spiritual life. You are exhausted, lonely, and sad. This is not working for you on any level.


That pretty accurately sums it up!



CynthiaDe said:


> You are trying to find a woman who will solve your problems, but that is not the answer. Your problem has nothing to do with being single. You couldn't maintain a healthy relationship with your current schedule anyway.


I wasn't looking for a girl when this recent "relationship" or whatever it was developed. It just kinda happened. And, no, it's not about being single. It's about being lonely. 



CynthiaDe said:


> You are working yourself to the bone, but you cannot even afford a car? What?! I'm sorry, but this is ridiculous.


I agree but there are a number of factors that go into the "why". A huge part is that I hate being at home so I pretty much eat out every day, usually a couple of times a day. Can't save much money that way.



CynthiaDe said:


> You should not be in ministry in your current condition.


While I may have the title of "minister", I wouldn't consider myself to be active. I attend church, but I'm not very active in any ministry due to my work schedule AND my state of mind. I agree I may not be in a healthy mental state but if I knew how to change it, I'd have done it long ago.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

marksaysay said:


> While I may have the title of "minister", I wouldn't consider myself to be active. I attend church, but I'm not very active in any ministry due to my work schedule AND my state of mind. I agree I may not be in a healthy mental state but if I knew how to change it, I'd have done it long ago.


I'm confused. Do you work for the church?


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

CynthiaDe said:


> I'm confused. Do you work for the church?


No. I have a sales job. I'm a licensed minister but I don't hold any type of paid position at my church. The best way to describe my role may be as an apprentice to the pastor.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

marksaysay said:


> No. I have a sales job. I'm a licensed minister but I don't hold any type of paid position at my church. The best way to describe my role may be as an apprentice to the pastor.


Okay. I misunderstood. I thought you were in ministry as your career.

The weather is about to improve. You could start taking lunch to a park and eat there when the weather is good.

My recommendation:
#1 Get in the Word and prayer daily whether you feel like it or not.
#2 Start saving for a car. Make a budget and stick to it. Once you have a car, it will give you a lot more options. This should happen within 12 months.


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

CynthiaDe said:


> Okay. I misunderstood. I thought you were in ministry as your career.
> 
> The weather is about to improve. You could start taking lunch to a park and eat there when the weather is good.
> 
> ...


12 months? I don't even look past today, much less a year from today. I guess I'm really more messed up than I thought!


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

marksaysay said:


> 12 months? I don't even look past today, much less a year from today. I guess I'm really more messed up than I thought!


Recognizing the severity of the problem is a necessary first step. Yes, you need to make a plan on how you are going to resolve this dilemma you are currently in. Not buying coffee out, but bringing a thermos, packing a lunch and finding a nice place to eat it, whatever else you can think of to bring down expenses are all going to help you get out of this rut you are in and to gain balance and health in your life.


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

Wow! The urge to text her today has been extremely high. I didn't, though.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

marksaysay said:


> Wow! The urge to text her today has been extremely high. I didn't, though.


Good job. It'll get easier as time goes by and your focus is on following through with the plan you make to improve your situation.


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

CynthiaDe said:


> Good job. It'll get easier as time goes by and your focus is on following through with the plan you make to improve your situation.


Well, I'll probably see her tomorrow as I plan on returning to Wednesday night bible study. She's usually always there. Instead of sitting in my normal seat which is one table away and facing her, I'll sit on the opposite side with my back to her. That way I won't be tempted to glance at her.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

marksaysay said:


> Man, at the end of the day, all I have is tons of idle time. I use to pray quite frequently along with regular bible study. When you have nothing else to do, you get tired of doing that.


You just said that you have no time because you work so many hours.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

marksaysay said:


> The ways I've tried to fix it only lead me to doing things that I feel guilty about, i.e., going to bars & clubs regularly (they're the only social outlets available after 9 pm), drinking excessively, giving in to sexual desires with women I know aren't right for me, and the list goes on.



Sounds like fun to me.


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

marksaysay said:


> I don't have days off. My regular job is 4-12 hr days with 1-10 hr day. On my "off" days, I give private baseball lessons for 4 or 5 hrs. I work 7 days a week and I've done so for the past 3+ years.


Wednesday is my 1-10 hour day that allows me to make it to bible study.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

marksaysay said:


> Yeah. It sucks having no one. I am extremely lonely most of the time. I don't know how to fix it or I would have done it long ago. The ways I've tried to fix it only lead me to doing things that I feel guilty about, i.e., going to bars & clubs regularly (they're the only social outlets available after 9 pm), drinking excessively, giving in to sexual desires with women I know aren't right for me, and the list goes on. So to prevent me from doing those things, I just stay home.


You do know that for christians sex outside marriage is a no no right?


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

Diana7 said:


> You do know that for christians sex outside marriage is a no no right?


Maybe you missed the part where I spoke about being guilty of certain things or maybe you didn't. Anyhow, yes, I know. Sheesh!


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

marksaysay said:


> Maybe you missed the part where I spoke about being guilty of certain things or maybe you didn't. Anyhow, yes, I know. Sheesh!


So ok is that something you are going to stop now? That alone will be badly affecting your relationship with God. Also think of a future lady who may have strong moral values.


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

Diana7 said:


> So ok is that something you are going to stop now? That alone will be badly affecting your relationship with God. Also think of a future lady who may have strong moral values.


I'd like to say that I WILL stop but I don't know if I can promise that it'll never happen again. If I encountered a women who swore of premarital sex, it would make it a lot easier for me. But when you're seeing someone and they practically start throwing themself at you, a man can only fight the urge for so long. 

OAN, I got an upclose and personal look at what obsessing over a woman looks like today. A coworker I've known for years played me message after message of her ex-boyfriends proclaiming his love for her and his unwillingness to take no for an answer. It was rough to listen to and they broke up 3 months ago. I'm not nearly that bad...wow!


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## stixx (Mar 20, 2017)

marksaysay said:


> I'd like to say that I WILL stop but I don't know if I can promise that it'll never happen again. If I encountered a women who swore of premarital sex, it would make it a lot easier for me. But when you're seeing someone and they practically start throwing themself at you, a man can only fight the urge for so long.


I'm curious how you can justify this. 

You're a Christian man who does bible study and attends church on Sundays and all of that, and you know that having extramarital sex is against all the rules of Christianity and yet you've already broken that rule multiple times and just might do it again if she throws herself at you.

Aren't you worried about going to Hell or something?


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

stixx said:


> I'm curious how you can justify this.
> 
> Aren't you worried about going to Hell or something?


I can't justify it so I won't try. Being Christian doesn't make me perfect. I'm human just like everyone else. What I can say is my biblical studies have shown it's much worse to make a vow to God to do something and then not do than it is to not vow at all. 

And no, I'm not worried about going to hell. Having accepted Jesus as my savior guarantees my place in heaven.


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

Tonight, due to severe weather, our bible study was cancelled so this means by Sunday, there will have been 3 complete weeks of strict no contact. While I did feel a strong urge to reach out to her yesterday, today was quite different. It seems that each passing day helps the feelings dissipate more and more. Getting out to the gym 4-5 days a week definitely helps. Witnessing another guy look absolutely pathetic with the continuous voicemails proclaiming his undying love for his ex also helped. I refuse to be that guy. 

I'm actually gonna go out and do some karaoke tonight which is something I haven't done in a while. It should be fun. Anyhow, day 18 of NC is about to be in the books!!!


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

marksaysay said:


> I'd like to say that I WILL stop but I don't know if I can promise that it'll never happen again. If I encountered a women who swore of premarital sex, it would make it a lot easier for me. But when you're seeing someone and they practically start throwing themself at you, a man can only fight the urge for so long.
> 
> OAN, I got an upclose and personal look at what obsessing over a woman looks like today. A coworker I've known for years played me message after message of her ex-boyfriends proclaiming his love for her and his unwillingness to take no for an answer. It was rough to listen to and they broke up 3 months ago. I'm not nearly that bad...wow!


Its not hard, you dont date a woman unless she is a committed christian who obeys God in this area. Its not something you are forced to do, its your choice to sin or not. The thing is that the more women you have sex with the less likely you are to attract a lady with good moral values. You make it sound as if you are helpless and have no self control. 
When my first marriage ended after 23 years, I made the decision not to date or marry a man unless he obeyed God in the area of no sex outside marriage. I was blessed that I met and married such a man. 

In the end are you serious about your faith or not?


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## stixx (Mar 20, 2017)

marksaysay said:


> I can't justify it so I won't try. Being Christian doesn't make me perfect. I'm human just like everyone else. What I can say is my biblical studies have shown it's much worse to make a vow to God to do something and then not do than it is to not vow at all.
> 
> And no, I'm not worried about going to hell. Having accepted Jesus as my savior guarantees my place in heaven.


So you can sin all you want and you've still got a place in Heaven along with all the serial killers who are given forgiveness right before the fatal injection on death row.

How convenient.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

marksaysay said:


> I can't justify it so I won't try. Being Christian doesn't make me perfect. I'm human just like everyone else. What I can say is my biblical studies have shown it's much worse to make a vow to God to do something and then not do than it is to not vow at all.
> 
> And no, I'm not worried about going to hell. Having accepted Jesus as my savior guarantees my place in heaven.


Jesus doesn't expect us to do what we like because we think we can be forgiven. We are supposed to follow Him and His advise, not ignore it.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

stixx said:


> So you can sin all you want and you've still got a place in Heaven along with all the serial killers who are given forgiveness right before the fatal injection on death row.
> 
> How convenient.


Stixx, anyone who acts that way honestly just doesn't get what being a Christian is all about. Its now how most of us live. Its a terrible attitude to have.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

Diana7 said:


> Stixx, anyone who acts that way honestly just doesn't get what being a Christian is all about. Its now how most of us live. Its a terrible attitude to have.




He's commenting on the loophole.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

blueinbr said:


> He's commenting on the loophole.


Sorry what loophole?


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## stixx (Mar 20, 2017)

Diana7 said:


> Sorry what loophole?


The loophole that allows religious people to pretend to be whatever it is they profess to be, while breaking any rules they see fit, yet rest assured they've got a place in heaven because there's no limit to the number of free passes you get.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

stixx said:


> The loophole that allows religious people to pretend to be whatever it is they profess to be, while breaking any rules they see fit, yet rest assured they've got a place in heaven because there's no limit to the number of free passes you get.


Not many think that way. Most of us have a far better attitude than that.


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## Steve1000 (Nov 25, 2013)

blueinbr said:


> He's commenting on the loophole.


That reminds me... I still need to finish doing my taxes...


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## stixx (Mar 20, 2017)

Diana7 said:


> Not many think that way. Most of us have a far better attitude than that.


It's been my experience that religious individuals are the most hypocritical group of people on the face of the planet.


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## oneMOreguy (Aug 22, 2012)

Forgiveness is for those that follow Christ....that means trying your best to lead a good life and avoid sinful actions. All the whole knowing we will fall short. That does not mean sinning without a true effort to stop. The difference is only known to the individual. We are all sinners, as well as hypocrites 

Sent from my SM-T230NU using Tapatalk


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## WonkyNinja (Feb 28, 2013)

marksaysay said:


> I'd like to say that I WILL stop but I don't know if I can promise that it'll never happen again. If I encountered a women who swore of premarital sex, it would make it a lot easier for me. *But when you're seeing someone and they practically start throwing themself at you, a man can only fight the urge for so long.*
> 
> OAN, I got an upclose and personal look at what obsessing over a woman looks like today. A coworker I've known for years played me message after message of her ex-boyfriends proclaiming his love for her and his unwillingness to take no for an answer. It was rough to listen to and they broke up 3 months ago. I'm not nearly that bad...wow!


So when you meet the right woman and find out that she also has a long and active sexual history because she couldn't fight the urge that long, I trust you'll be OK with that and not suddenly start throwing your beliefs in her face and expect her to be a virgin when you marry?


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

stixx said:


> So you can sin all you want and you've still got a place in Heaven along with all the serial killers who are given forgiveness right before the fatal injection on death row.
> 
> How convenient.


It doesn't really work that way, but a lot of people think it does. There are going to be a lot of very surprised people at the final judgment.
Salvation isn't based on works, but it based one whom we serve. If we serve God, there will be a heart change and our actions will change as well. Someone who lacks self-control is not acting under the power of God. If you are truly interested in this topic, I recommend you read through Matthew, Mark, Luke, John, Romans, Hebrews, and James.


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

So I'm sitting waiting on my dinner after just getting off work and thought I'd give an update. 

Last night's karaoke outing was just okay. There weren't very many people out. I sang a few songs. Played a few games of pool and then I went home. I wouldn't say I had a blast but I got out of the house for a bit. 

Today, day 19 of NC, has been full of all kinds of emotions. Since I've realized she wasn't in to me as much as I thought she was, some of my emotion has been disgust with myself. Deep down I knew something wasn't right, but I allowed my self to stay in it for WAAAYYYY TOOK LONG! I kept finding ways to try to rationalize her actions because her words said something so different. I'm not really surprised that our communication ended when I stopped initiating conversation. 

On the flipside, I had the urge to text her when I left work. Of course I didn't but it definitely crossed my mind. I also had an anger phase where thinking of her and how everything unfolded really ticked me off. So I guess today has been somewhat up and down.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

I really feel for you, and I understand your loneliness and frustration. All I can tell you is, for all of us, having a relationship with God takes work. Even when we are no longer in the "honeymoon phase." There are times when I find reading the bible downright blah. Other times, I hear it speak to me. I honestly believe God is speaking to you; you just need to be still and listen. Could it possibly be time for you to sit home alone one evening and just talk to God. Some call it prayer, but I'm not into all that "thee" and "thou" nonsense. Just spill your guts. I've even screamed at God, but at least I got out of my system what I needed to. Just a suggestion ...


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

stixx said:


> It's been my experience that religious individuals are the most hypocritical group of people on the face of the planet.


You are totally, 100% correct. Jesus called out the hypocrites of his day; namely, the Pharisees. He called them "vipers" and "whitewashed tombs." Ever read anything Jesus had to say? He didn't ram his beliefs down peoples' throats. He said his peace and left it at that. Those who didn't want to believe or join him, fine. In fact, he wasn't known for healing people until he asked them if they wanted to be healed. He didn't push himself or his beliefs on others.

My father was an atheist, and I recall him telling me, "I have no problem with Christianity. It's the Christians I can't stand."

You are wrong. Sorry. Not ALL Christians are hypocrites and they are NOT the most hypocritical people on this planet. Go check out other faiths. I'm sure they have their fair share of hypocrites too.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Mark, what do you like about yourself? What can you brag about? What change have you made to this planet? Time for a gratitude list.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

stixx said:


> It's been my experience that religious individuals are the most hypocritical group of people on the face of the planet.


Religious people maybe but not Christians. Not the many hundreds who I have known in the last 40 years. They are the nicest, kindest most honest people.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

CynthiaDe said:


> It doesn't really work that way, but a lot of people think it does. There are going to be a lot of very surprised people at the final judgment.
> Salvation isn't based on works, but it based one whom we serve. If we serve God, there will be a heart change and our actions will change as well. Someone who lacks self-control is not acting under the power of God. If you are truly interested in this topic, I recommend you read through Matthew, Mark, Luke, John, Romans, Hebrews, and James.


If a person honestly thinks they can act terribly and its ok, because they can be forgiven, I would have to question if they really know Jesus Christ at all.
Repentance means changing and stopping that sin, its far more than just saying sorry.


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

turnera said:


> Mark, what do you like about yourself? What can you brag about? What change have you made to this planet? Time for a gratitude list.


What's the purpose for this list? What will it accomplish?


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

marksaysay said:


> What's the purpose for this list? What will it accomplish?


I think tunera is suggesting that you focus on your talents and attributes. Focusing on what we like about ourselves can build our confidence and give us a positive self-image.

When you fully embrace your competencies, you'll be confident in who you are. People are drawn to self-confident, positive people.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

marksaysay said:


> What's the purpose for this list? What will it accomplish?


Hopefully, a change in attitude!

You're stuck in a woe is me mode and people often have a hard time digging out of it. Realizing what you have to be grateful for, what you're proud of, often makes the crappy aspects less important.


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

Today, for work related reasons, I had to visit this girl's place of employment. I was, admittedly, a little nervous knowing this because I wasn't sure if I'd bump into her or not. 

So I do what I was there to do and I see her entering the building through the glass as I'm heading towards a different exit. Realizing it was her, I smiled, gave a slight wave, and just kept going. She turned away. 

I almost laughed out loud. I go NC but she couldn't look at me? Whatever! Moving on....


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

marksaysay said:


> Today, for work related reasons, I had to visit this girl's place of employment. I was, admittedly, a little nervous knowing this because I wasn't sure if I'd bump into her or not.
> 
> So I do what I was there to do and I see her entering the building through the glass as I'm heading towards a different exit. Realizing it was her, I smiled, gave a slight wave, and just kept going. She turned away.
> 
> I almost laughed out loud. I go NC but she couldn't look at me? Whatever! Moving on....


Good job. Now don't give into the idea of contacting her. Clearly she is not interested and you don't want to pursue anyone who isn't interested in you as well.


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

CynthiaDe said:


> Good job. Now don't give into the idea of contacting her. Clearly she is not interested and you don't want to pursue anyone who isn't interested in you as well.


I wasn't even thinking about interest level. I was thinking more of a maturity level. She almost looked mad. And why would she be mad at me? 

Again....OH WELL!!!


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

marksaysay said:


> I wasn't even thinking about interest level. I was thinking more of a maturity level. She almost looked mad. And why would she be mad at me?
> 
> Again....OH WELL!!!


It's good that you are starting to view this more objectively.

Have you been thinking about what kind of plan you can make to get out of your current dilemma? If you are in a situation where you feel like you are trapped with no choices, it will weigh on you and you will sink deeper into depression. If you make and implement a plan, your outlook will improve and your mood along with it.


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

CynthiaDe said:


> It's good that you are starting to view this more objectively.
> 
> Have you been thinking about what kind of plan you can make to get out of your current dilemma? If you are in a situation where you feel like you are trapped with no choices, it will weigh on you and you will sink deeper into depression. If you make and implement a plan, your outlook will improve and your mood along with it.


I'm definitely viewing it quite a bit differently than she is. I guess I kinda just "ghosted" her. And even if I did, I don't really feel bad about it. She strung me along. We're even!

And I won't lie and say I have a plan. I am feeling a little better about myself. I've been attracting quite a bit of attention lately. It may or may not be relevant to the 13 lbs of muscle I've put on. I'm at 175. I didn't weigh that much when I played minor league baseball. Had I put on this weight back then, I might have actually gotten somewhere...lol


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

I'm glad you're feeling better, but I hope you put together a plan to move forward with your life rather than being stuck in a rut that isn't moving you forward.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

marksaysay said:


> I'm definitely viewing it quite a bit differently than she is. I guess I kinda just "ghosted" her. And even if I did, I don't really feel bad about it. She strung me along. We're even!
> 
> And I won't lie and say I have a plan. I am feeling a little better about myself. I've been attracting quite a bit of attention lately. It may or may not be relevant to the 13 lbs of muscle I've put on. I'm at 175. I didn't weigh that much when I played minor league baseball. Had I put on this weight back then, I might have actually gotten somewhere...lol


Do you really want to attract the sort of women who are only interested in muscles? Remember for us as Christians we need to date another Christian.


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

Diana7 said:


> Do you really want to attract the sort of women who are only interested in muscles? Remember for us as Christians we need to date another Christian.


This still remains at the top of my list of characteristics. It is an ego boost, though, to start getting looks and comments.


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## james5588 (Mar 22, 2017)

I admit that haven't read the whole thread. But, this just jumped out at me....




marksaysay said:


> I've gone out at times, but the venue choices are not the places a "minister" should frequent, so after a while I feel guilty and stop.


Didn't Christ sit at the table with the sinners? He did. Maybe you are being called to reach out in a similar manner, but your ego compels you to get caught up in the games we play when out in the 'wilderness'. Something about you who live by the Spirit should restore the sinner gently. But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted.



NoChoice said:


> OP,
> Perhaps you should reevaluate your reason for attending a house of worship. Also, if you are grading your females on outward appearance only then be prepared to have your score averaged out. A woman who is an 8, questionable 9 may be only a 2, questionable 3 in trustworthiness thereby making her overall score a 0 once you have a family and she decides she wants another guy. Be cautious.


I'd also like to add to this insight. How would rate yourself? Are you just going to the gym to become a stronger better you or to just be able to move up a notch in the scale?

Go to the seediest bars if you are called to, go to the gym and get ripped. But the healing process can't possibly begin until you know yourself well enough to know why you are doing these things and then acting. Until then, you're just putting off the 'reckoning'.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

Diana7 said:


> Do you really want to attract the sort of women who are only interested in muscles? Remember for us as Christians we need to date another Christian.


lol Just because they are interested in his muscles doesn't mean they are only interested in his muscles. If a man is serious about his faith and has the fruit of the Spirit, adding in some good muscle mass isn't going to hurt him on the attraction scale. Especially where it shows that a man takes good care of himself. I would say that physical condition is an important factor in determining whether someone would make a good mate.


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

CynthiaDe said:


> lol Just because they are interested in his muscles doesn't mean they are only interested in his muscles. If a man is serious about his faith and has the fruit of the Spirit, adding in some good muscle mass isn't going to hurt him on the attraction scale. Especially where it shows that a man takes good care of himself. I would say that physical condition is an important factor in determining whether someone would make a good mate.


I would have to agree. Being in better physical condition definitely adds to ones attractiveness. While I've definitely been recieving a lot more attention recently, it doesn't mean I've changed criteria for any potential love interest. It has only seemed to give me more options to choose from.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

CynthiaDe said:


> lol Just because they are interested in his muscles doesn't mean they are only interested in his muscles. If a man is serious about his faith and has the fruit of the Spirit, adding in some good muscle mass isn't going to hurt him on the attraction scale. Especially where it shows that a man takes good care of himself. I would say that physical condition is an important factor in determining whether someone would make a good mate.


I have never been attracted to muscly men so I cant agree or disagree. I like a healthy man, but the fact that a guy spends many hours at the gym building up his muscles would actually put me off. 
For me its a mans character and integrity that matter the most. Maybe spend as much time building up your spiritual muscles as well. It will be worth it if you meet a godly lady.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

marksaysay said:


> I would have to agree. Being in better physical condition definitely adds to ones attractiveness. While I've definitely been recieving a lot more attention recently, it doesn't mean I've changed criteria for any potential love interest. It has only seemed to give me more options to choose from.





Diana7 said:


> I have never been attracted to muscly men so I cant agree or disagree. I like a healthy man, but the fact that a guy spends many hours at the gym building up his muscles would actually put me off.
> For me its a mans character and integrity that matter the most. Maybe spend as much time building up your spiritual muscles as well. It will be worth it if you meet a godly lady.


It doesn't matter if either of us are attracted to Marksaysay's muscles. Neither of us are candidates for having a relationship with him. The point is that he has become more attractive to women who may be relationship material and that is what counts for him. There is nothing wrong with working out. I consider it a necessity.

If I were single and looking for a husband, I would not be looking for a man who didn't take care of himself. Even at my age (in my 50's) I would not consider a man who didn't obviously have a fit body. If you don't take care of your body it's not going to take care of you. It is the temple we have been given to serve the Lord and we are charged with caring for it properly. If that means obvious muscle definition I'd consider that a plus and I'm not alone in that thinking. :grin2:

It is not ungodly to find someone physically attractive and that being part of why someone is drawn to another person. It is part of being a human to find certain physical traits attractive. We are designed that way. You, Diana7, may not care about the physical aspects, but that doesn't mean it doesn't matter to others or that it is wrong for it to matter to others. If Marksaysay feels better about himself when he is fit and muscular, then I say it's good to continue, but I hope he makes this a lifelong habit and not just a bait on the hook to be cast aside when he finds a woman.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

CynthiaDe said:


> It doesn't matter if either of us are attracted to Marksaysay's muscles. Neither of us are candidates for having a relationship with him. The point is that he has become more attractive to women who may be relationship material and that is what counts for him. There is nothing wrong with working out. I consider it a necessity.
> 
> If I were single and looking for a husband, I would not be looking for a man who didn't take care of himself. Even at my age (in my 50's) I would not consider a man who didn't obviously have a fit body. If you don't take care of your body it's not going to take care of you. It is the temple we have been given to serve the Lord and we are charged with caring for it properly. If that means obvious muscle definition I'd consider that a plus and I'm not alone in that thinking. :grin2:
> 
> It is not ungodly to find someone physically attractive and that being part of why someone is drawn to another person. It is part of being a human to find certain physical traits attractive. We are designed that way. You, Diana7, may not care about the physical aspects, but that doesn't mean it doesn't matter to others or that it is wrong for it to matter to others. If Marksaysay feels better about himself when he is fit and muscular, then I say it's good to continue, but I hope he makes this a lifelong habit and not just a bait on the hook to be cast aside when he finds a woman.


As I said its good to be healthy and keep fit. Its also important that there is an attraction between people, but for me a mans faith and character and integrity are what will keep a marriage strong. We will all age and get wrinkles and go grey and many men will go bald, its what inside us in the end that matters. 
Looks fade, good character doesn't.


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

CynthiaDe said:


> If Marksaysay feels better about himself when he is fit and muscular, then I say it's good to continue, but I hope he makes this a lifelong habit and not just a bait on the hook to be cast aside when he finds a woman.


ABSOLUTELY!!! Had a few people comment today about how my clothes have started to fit differently. It definitely doesn't hurt when others start recognizing your hard work. 

Fit men are naturally more attractive, I'm sure, than ones who are not. And I'm 41. I'm not looking to just hook up with women for the heck of it. If I can't see any long-term potential upfront, I pass. Over the last 3-4 yrs, I've grown to be much more selective. At times, I've thought too selective, but can one really be too selective?


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

Can anyone be too selective? answer: Yes. No one is perfect, but there could be someone perfect for you. People can get petty when they are afraid of making a wrong choice. Instead it is right to love freely, but to guard the heart. When we guard our heart, but love freely fear is not such an issue.


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## laststraw (Mar 19, 2017)

I have read through this whole thread and was amazed at the fact no one pointed out the fact you need to be happy with yourself before you can be happy with someone else. Don't focus on finding someone, focus on enjoying life and helping others. Working out helps you learn to love yourself again and the compliments help your confidence, helping others will help sooth you. You come to realize no matter where you are in life there is always someone better off (whether it be financially, in relationships, looking, healthy, etc) and there is also those worse off than you. For those casting stones they should remember everyone is human and you have said you don't want that.... we are all sinners. We are to strive not to sin no where does it say we are to be perfect and never mess up. You sound like you regret the ways you have handled things in the past and are striving to find your way back to the right path. Instead of being berated for your mistakes you should be congratulated for recognizing the wrongs and trying to get your life back on path. That being said the rating of people (men or women) is degrading for both. Yes there has to be an attraction but who decided there should be a grading system??? I understand a lot of people do it but does that make it right? Sounds more like you are picking out a piece of meat than a connection with someone, is that the way you wanted to be treated? It may make your ego feel good but that leads to being egotistical. The only person that you need to impress is yourself with your actions and your relationship with yourself and your faith. Start there and see where the path leads you.... you may find yourself pleasantly surprised


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

laststraw said:


> I have read through this whole thread and was amazed at the fact no one pointed out the fact you need to be happy with yourself before you can be happy with someone else. Don't focus on finding someone, focus on enjoying life and helping others. Working out helps you learn to love yourself again and the compliments help your confidence, helping others will help sooth you. You come to realize no matter where you are in life there is always someone better off (whether it be financially, in relationships, looking, healthy, etc) and there is also those worse off than you.


Yeah. I'm working on this. Going to the gym has definitely helped. 




laststraw said:


> For those casting stones they should remember everyone is human and you have said you don't want that.... we are all sinners. We are to strive not to sin no where does it say we are to be perfect and never mess up. You sound like you regret the ways you have handled things in the past and are striving to find your way back to the right path. Instead of being berated for your mistakes you should be congratulated for recognizing the wrongs and trying to get your life back on path.


Thank you for understanding. I know I've messed up in a number of different areas and I've acknowledged that. I've got work to do to revive the spiritual fervor I once had. 



laststraw said:


> That being said the rating of people (men or women) is degrading for both. Yes there has to be an attraction but who decided there should be a grading system??? I understand a lot of people do it but does that make it right? Sounds more like you are picking out a piece of meat than a connection with someone, is that the way you wanted to be treated? It may make your ego feel good but that leads to being egotistical.


I was actually trying to be humorous regarding the rating system but I was serious about the fact that when I'm physically fit, the quality of women that approach me are definitely more physically attractive than what I normally get. There is a correlation, I'm convinced, with my working out. And honestly, who wouldn't want to have a physically attractive love interest?




laststraw said:


> The only person that you need to impress is yourself with your actions and your relationship with yourself and your faith. Start there and see where the path leads you.... you may find yourself pleasantly surprised


I couldn't agree more!!!


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

I will have to admit running into her on Monday didn't really bother me as much as her reaction did. I didn't expect she would be excited to see me. I also didn't expect she would ignore me. 

I know. I shouldn't be bothered either way. I have a bad habit of overanalyzing things and trying to interpret every thing. I've got to work on that.


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## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

marksaysay said:


> It's now been 2 weeks since I finally went NC with a girl who was just stringing me along for about 4 months. I know...everybody told me but I didn't listen. We go to the same church so we'll bump into each other ocassionally but I won't initiate anything.
> 
> I haven't gone to the church the last two weeks for a couple of reasons. The first reason is I just wanted some time to kinda gather my bearing. But here's the real reason. Since other people have began commenting about my physical changes due to recently restarting my workout plan, I know it's starting to show. The next time I see her, I want to make sure there are some noticeable changes. Noticeable ones...lol
> 
> I also began thinking about 3 years ago when I was in the gym a lot. I went from dating 6's & 7's to solid 8's and questionable 9's. I think I'm on to something!



Seriously??

I can't believe there's a 2nd thread about her, already. 

Sorry, but the fact that you're trying to impress her shows you're not over her, otherwise you would've simply ignored her and would do things for your own pleasure.

Why still care about her? 
You're giving her more importance than she deserves to have.

ETA: also, x2 what @laststraw pointed out.
You lack self-confidence and you're trying to get it from others by force. Just keep yourself healthy for your own benefit before thinking what others think of you when they see you.


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## Miss Independent (Mar 24, 2014)

.


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

Miss Independent said:


> What did you expect?
> 
> I've run into my twice and each time I've ignored him. We didn't end things on a positive note, and I don't like being a hypocrite. He's a stranger.


Idk. I'm the one that abruptly and without warning stopped communication, so I guess I shouldn't expect anything less. It's just the fact that her actions showed I wasn't valued so I had to do it. 

I know that's a whole different subject regarding what I did wrong. But didn't I do her a favor by leaving her alone? Is that not what she wanted?


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

marksaysay said:


> Idk. I'm the one that abruptly and without warning stopped communication, so I guess I shouldn't expect anything less. It's just the fact that her actions showed I wasn't valued so I had to do it.
> 
> I know that's a whole different subject regarding what I did wrong. But didn't I do her a favor by leaving her alone? Is that not what she wanted?


After you abruptly stopped communication, did she contact you again? Or did she just not bother contacting you after you stopped contacting her?

If she wanted you to leave her alone and you did, that's not doing her a favor. That's respecting her boundaries.


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

CynthiaDe said:


> After you abruptly stopped communication, did she contact you again? Or did she just not bother contacting you after you stopped contacting her?
> 
> If she wanted you to leave her alone and you did, that's not doing her a favor. That's respecting her boundaries.


She didn't bother. And boundaries? When were those established? Not that it matters.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

marksaysay said:


> She didn't bother. And boundaries? When were those established? Not that it matters.


So that means you both abruptly ended communication. It was mutual. If she wanted to hear from you, she would have contacted you.

As far as boundaries, if someone wants you to leave them alone, doing so isn't doing them a favor, it is respecting their boundaries.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

marksaysay said:


> But didn't I do her a favor by leaving her alone? Is that not what she wanted?


I don't know what she wanted. Neither do you. We aren't gifted with the ability to read minds. I hope you realize you are codependent. Here is how I've approached my own codependency: I have enough problems figuring out my own motivations. That being said, why would I waste a single minute of my time trying to figure out anyone else????

It's over with her. Let it rest. Move on with your own life. Quit focusing on being lonely/alone. If you want to bulk up to feel good about yourself, I think that's great. But I get the feeling it's all about being able to attract women. I'll tell you this in all honesty. The times in my life I've been enjoying myself and not focused whatsoever on the opposite sex was when I had men crawling out of the woodwork! Maybe it's simply because I was enjoying life just for what it is. Something to consider ....


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

Prodigal said:


> I don't know what she wanted. Neither do you. We aren't gifted with the ability to read minds. I hope you realize you are codependent. Here is how I've approached my own codependency: I have enough problems figuring out my own motivations. That being said, why would I waste a single minute of my time trying to figure out anyone else????
> 
> It's over with her. Let it rest. Move on with your own life. Quit focusing on being lonely/alone. If you want to bulk up to feel good about yourself, I think that's great. But I get the feeling it's all about being able to attract women. I'll tell you this in all honesty. The times in my life I've been enjoying myself and not focused whatsoever on the opposite sex was when I had men crawling out of the woodwork! Maybe it's simply because I was enjoying life just for what it is. Something to consider ....


Codependent? You're probably right. It never crossed my mind before but it sounds pretty accurate. 

I know it's over. I'm just always seeking to understand everything that I don't understand, thus the question about why she reacted how she did when our paths crossed. 

Quit focusing on being alone? How can one do that when it's their reality most of their non-working hours? And I haven't enjoyed life in a long while, although spending time with this woman had made it a little better.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

marksaysay said:


> I'm just always seeking to understand everything that I don't understand, thus the question about why she reacted how she did when our paths crossed.


Yeah, that's pretty much the standard response codependents give. Trying to understand everything you don't understand ... why? Do you have an answer? No. Do you understand the real reasons and motivations for what you do? I doubt it. It's an exercise in futility. It also allows you to focus on things you can't control, because you think if you could only understand other people you would have some type of control over life. Life happens. You can drive yourself nuts and waste a lot of your time just trying to figure out people and situations. 



marksaysay said:


> Quit focusing on being alone? How can one do that when it's their reality most of their non-working hours? And I haven't enjoyed life in a long while, although spending time with this woman had made it a little better.


Here's what you can control: Your attitude. Focus on the negative and keep spinning your wheels. That is certainly your right. If you don't enjoy life, then that's where your attitude comes in. If you are stuck in that mindset, your circumstances will remain the same. If you don't enjoy life, then it is simply because you choose not to. Happiness is an inside job. And, quite frankly, your life could be far worse.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

And, after a great deal of thought, I've decided to add a P.S. to my previous post. You have been given excellent advice. But the pattern remains: You are told to quit feeling sorry for yourself, you don't post for a few days, then you come back whining about your circumstances.

And you make excuses over and over for yourself. Hey, you want to sit on your pity pot, please go right ahead. But people on TAM can only give so much advice. When we have a whiner-in-residence, we generally just check out and wish them well.

So before I add my parting P.S., I want to tell you an episode from my life. I spent three days a month for six months in an infusion center. That's where cancer patients go to get chemo. The staff at the center thought it was funny to turn on the Food Network on the huge flat screen in the waiting room. Those of us who had diarrhea and vomiting to contend with thought it was hilarious. We would sit around talking about all the great food being prepared and reminiscing about some of our favorite meals. Bald men. Bald women. People who knew they might not make it out of there alive after a year. In fact, it sounded like the wildest party you can imagine. People laughing, joking, taking off their wigs. We all had a great time. The highlight of my three days was being able to choose between a turkey or ham sandwich. I also LOVED the therapy dogs who came through to give us a lift. I had my own private cube, complete with TV, intercom, and a nearby bathroom.

It is something I can't explain to anyone other than those who have gone through chemo, but we all learned to enjoy ourselves for what we had. There was a camaraderie. There was a sense of hope. There was a sense of living in the moment and making the best of that moment.

Sorry, marksaysay, but I'm going to check out of your thread. You are a whiney, complaining child. BTW, I went through six months of chemo alone, since my drunk husband couldn't manage to get his act together enough to be there for me. His life. His choice. I'm glad he wasn't there. 

I'm no superhero. I'm no saint. But I AM someone who went through some really, really difficult stuff alone. And, by the grace of God, I came out the other end just fine.

Now why don't you just quit feeling sorry for yourself, okay????


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## laststraw (Mar 19, 2017)

Did you ever stop to think that although your improved physical fitness gets you noticed by what you are classifying as more physically attractive females that it could also have to do with the vibe you are putting out because you are feeling better about yourself. Yes having a physically attractive partner is nice but also consider the old saying beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Having a true connection would seem to make a person physically more attractive in each others eyes. Remember as someone else pointed out (sorry to original person who posted this I don't remember where I saw it and don't want to go clear back through all these pages) beauty fades it is what is on the inside and the relationship you have with another person. Be careful you aren't picking woman based on their looks, that could be part of your past problems. Yes, that initial attraction from looks should be there but you should also have things in common and like what is on the inside. Look at this woman you are still pining over.... does her personality and how she acts/treats people really warrant your attention in any manner?


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## NoChoice (Feb 12, 2012)

OP,
May I offer a completely unorthodox and possibly insane suggestion. You are 41, I can only assume that she is roughly the same age, give or take a few years. So why not try an absolutely ridiculous approach. Why do you not ask to meet with her and actually discuss what happened in the relationship. Listen to her perspective on where it was going and express to her yours. Ask her why she acted the way she did and explain to her your actions. This dance of "no contact" and ignoring but not really ignoring is quite immature and juvenile.

You should both be adults and adults converse, exchanging information and opinion. The most efficient and accurate way to gain knowledge about someone is to ask them. This "I'm over her" song you are singing has lost its tune. Just ask her what happened and how she feels then act/react accordingly, it is really quite simple, for adults. She may actually find your mature approach refreshing and it will certainly answer some of your questions and relieve your curiosity and need to "over analyze". It would seem you have something to gain and very little to lose in the effort.


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

Since it's been awhile I thought I'd update:

On April 13th, I sent her an email hoping to gain clarity. She responded shortly after to reveal her "last straw" moment. It was really a misunderstanding, which I explained in my reply, but nonetheless, I'm pretty aware I'd done plenty at that point to cause her to want to cut the string, so to speak...neediness, clinginess, lack of confidence, etc. The discussion ended with my reply which contained no begging or pleading. I wished her well and said "Take care".

I overheard some people discussing taking their college finals this week. I thought of her since she's also a student and sent her this text:

Hey. I know it's been a minute but I overheard someone talking about taking finals and you popped in my head. I'm sure you aced yours. Anyhow, hope all is well!!!

Today, we had our first interaction since March. We ended up having to pass directly by each other at church so to avoid any awkwardness, I spoke. She smiled and responded in kind. She then said something I didn't catch, thinking she was talking to her son. She then speaks again and says, "Did you hear me? I said I liked your tie." I simply said "thanks" and walked away.

OAN, I've definitely been attracting a lot more attention. I'm up about 18 lbs since the end of February (was 162, now 180) and it definitely shows as people comment daily. Many of my clothes are starting to shrink, too...lol. I catch girls turning their heads quite frequently which puts a smile on my face. I've really started feeling a little more confident...ok...a lot more confident. And I do believe the attention due in part to my physical appearance, but also because of a different "vibe" I may actually be putting off. Whatever it is, i like it. I'm slowly seeming to get back to a healthy frame of mind. I've got a ways to go yet but things are definitely getting better. 

One sign of some progress to me is the fact that I normally would come here, especially after today's interaction, and ask you all what does her actions mean? Why did she compliment me? Etc. Not this time. Truthfully, it doesn't really matter.


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## musicftw07 (Jun 23, 2016)

Cooper said:


> Put a rubber band around your pecker and every time you think of this woman reach down and snap it!!


This may be the greatest sentence ever created. Dear god I can't stop laughing.


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

Well, I just got an email from this girl which said simply this:

"I dont know why im emailing you. I just felt the need to."

She really put a lot of thought into that one. Lol. I don't plan on responding until tomorrow after I've had a chance to think about a few things.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Really?

Really?

Why?


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## Nucking Futs (Apr 8, 2013)

marksaysay said:


> Well, I just got an email from this girl which said simply this:
> 
> "I dont know why im emailing you. I just felt the need to."
> 
> She really put a lot of thought into that one. Lol. I won't be responding.


There you go, fixed it for you.


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

You must really like playing with crazy.


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## NoChoice (Feb 12, 2012)

OP,
I reference my earlier post wherein I suggested communicating. Perhaps your contact with her and subsequent explanation of events which were misinterpreted caused her to rethink her position. You do realize that you can communicate with her without thinking she is going to marry you tomorrow do you not? She reached out to you and if she has indeed had a change of heart based on the clarification you provided then this may be the moment of nirvana that you have dreamt of these last two months.

Just be sure if you respond to her you do not propose in the text or email. Simply see how she feels and see if there is any way to proceed forward. If so, then act accordingly and if not then accept that and move on.


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## DayOne (Sep 19, 2014)

Perhaps the thread title could be changed to 

"So it's been 6 weeks" 
(and I still can't move on...)


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

Beware the vortex.


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