# Have you ever fallen back in love?



## SanitySearch (May 1, 2013)

Hi there. First time posting here, out of sheer desperation. 
If I could make a wish and not hurt anyone or have anyone suffer any consequences, I would end my marriage and live alone with my children, allowing my then ex-husband to be as much of a Dad that he chooses to be to our kids (he’s a good dad). I would not go after any money, I would give up everything just to start over and be on my own. I fear that I have mentally checked out of this deal. Although a great dad, he’s been a terrible husband, and I just feel like I’m done. The man has hurt me so much in the past decade that I just don’t want to be around him if I don’t need to be. I don’t even hate him. I just want out. 
However, Dr. Phil says that you need to earn your way out of a dysfunctional marriage (I’m not obsessed with Dr. Phil, this line just keeps sticking out at me….lol). My husband does not want a divorce. But I don’t believe it’s because he’s still in love with me. I believe his fears have to do with losing other relationships, our kids, friends, etc. He’s lost a lot, and now I believe he’s dealing with his insecurities. So, I’m trying to do everything I can to salvage this relationship without losing myself in the process. Recently, he says he’s woken up to the fact that I have a whole other life that doesn’t involve him (work, facebook, etc.), and he was numb to all of it before because of his past problems (work related, addiction to pain meds, etc.) He was convinced that I had an affair, because he couldn’t believe that I wouldn’t have an affair after all that he’s put me through. So I let him go through all of my online stuff because there was nothing to find. He found a couple of conversations that he considered inappropriate. Fine, I understood and closed my facebook account (because I don’t really care either way), and opened a new account for just mutual friends & family, that he has full access to. I’ve answered all his questions, etc. I’ve offered to go to counseling, etc. whatever. My opinion is that he simply wants to control the situation now that he’s aware of his surroundings. He continues to be suspicious, and his demands are greater now (wants more sex, different sex, etc., more of my time,). I’m trying to ease his suspicion but it’s getting old now. I’d like him to stop focusing on stuff that isn’t really happening, and focus more on things like getting us out of the financial hole we’re in.
I’m not opposed to staying if we can work it out. Like I said, I don’t hate him. I’m happy to work on it. But not at the expense of living with someone who doesn’t trust me, accept me, and support me. Also, I fear separation because of how he may react. That’s another issue.
My question is this: Has anyone ever fallen back in love after being out of it for so long?


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

SanitySearch said:


> Like I said, I don’t hate him.


The opposite of love is not hate. The opposite of love is indifference. That is where your are. That is were I was 7 years ago. That is were my wife was 5 years ago. Today we are back in love, very happy and content in our marriage. So yes, it is possible. 

What happened? A 2x4 across the back of my head with the word "Emotional Affair" etched in it. My wife's. From your post, I'd say you were heading down the same path. And he needs to understand that this was a very serious shot over the bow. If not another man, you may find yourself to be a walk away wife. Had enough and you're not coming back. He needs to take that to heart and really understand that **** is knocking on the door. "Time to grow up hubs. We are at that point!" You will find lots of advice here and from other resources on how to rekindle the marriage, but this is step one. If he doesn't get that, he will not make a sustained effort to change until you are passed the point of no return. You in turn must get rid of any outside influences on your marriage and work on your own issues. These things are rarely one sided.


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## Thumper (Mar 23, 2013)

Agree, its very possilble, gonna take some time and some effort thou. It all starts with being able to get the issues out, on both sides, and a LOTS of LISTENING. If you both cant understand each others issues and take them without criticism or ridicule the the problems are not going to be addressed. Just cause one half feels the issue might be trivial, that doesn't mean it is to the other. Get into some marriage counseling NOW, but be prepared that if you not both putting in the effort there, your just wasting your time and money.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

I can only speak from my personal experience...I have NEVER fallen BACK in love with someone after losing my love for them. It is heartening to see some folks posting who WERE able to so.


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