# being in love or just loving someone/ is it over.



## jmgntl78 (Mar 13, 2014)

I will try to make this short as possible, but may be hard to do.

My husband and I have been married for 15 years with 3 kids. We have had all of the ups and downs that every marriage could have. It has been tough. We have overcome financial loss many times, cheating or on the brink of cheating. We initially got married because we got pregnant, then had 2 more kids. It wasnt until about maybe 3 years ago that I felt i was in love with him. During all those years I have evaluated our relationship many times. I will go to him and explain that im confused, not sure what to think about our marriage, that im not happy anymore. We then cry and talk... well after about a day of this, life goes on as usual. We let it be, i go back to thinking im happy and in love. But it seems like my mind is on a clock, because every 6 months or so, here iam evaluating things again, and saying im not happy. Our sex life has never been an issue, until recently. Maybe about 3 months ago, i stopped wanting sex. Why? no clue, just dont want it. But what do i do? I give it up anyways to make him happy, and my mind is just screaming, UGH, i dont want any sex! He drives over the road, gone 4-5 days at a time, i would think that i would want to be with him after he gets home, or even miss him alot. I dont feel a spark anymore. I can not decide if its love or not. You can love someone but not be in love with them. Thats the problem im having now. Also, even if I needed a break, some time to get away, I dont have the means to do so. We are a one income family, I have no place to go. Years ago, i left, went to my parents, they sent my daughter and myself to a homeless shelter. So yeah, I feel alone and trapped. Not sure what to think about anything these days.


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

jmgntl78 said:


> Years ago, i left, went to my parents, they sent my daughter and myself to a homeless shelter. So yeah, I feel alone and trapped. Not sure what to think about anything these days.


You went to stay with your parents and they stuck you and your daughter in a homeless shelter? Nice. What happened to the other two kids?


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## jmgntl78 (Mar 13, 2014)

The other 2 kids stayed with him at his parents house.


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

If he was staying at his parents house why didn't you go back to your house rather than staying in the homeless shelter?


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## wilderness (Jan 9, 2013)

Stay married. Divorce is horrible beyond your worst nightmare. Stop expecting your husband to make you happy. That's not fair.


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## Trickster (Nov 19, 2011)

jmg-


Being that you don't have the means to care for yourself and your children and your parents don't want to support you, your choices are limited. I don't understand why your parents would boot you out in a time of need...

What else is going on there?

Can you get a job?

What are your skills?

Many people stay in a marriage where there is no in love feeling and they find a way. Some people do stay married for the kids...

Is sex that bad with your husband? It must of been good at some point. What happened?

My wife and I have lost that in love feeling, we no longer have that chemistry...We plan on staying together for our daughter and live like roommates... Sometimes in separate rooms...

We had to redefine our marriage.

The first thing should be going back to work...that will give you some independence and help you feel better about yourself.


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## Horizon (Apr 4, 2013)

Trickster said:


> jmg-
> 
> 
> Being that you don't have the means to care for yourself and your children and your parents don't want to support you, your choices are limited. I don't understand why your parents would boot you out in a time of need...
> ...


So you can date other people in this redefinition?


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## Trickster (Nov 19, 2011)

Horizon said:


> So you can date other people in this redefinition?


The most important thing for us our daughter...

My wife and I are not in love...Maybe we never really were...She is my life, my best friend, we get along so well together and as a family, she is a little lazy, but a great mom. Neither one of us wants a D or to separate and be away from our daufpghter as well as each other..

Why D just because we have no sexual chemistry?

We do have an open marriage. Neither one of us has acted on it yet..What that did though was open the lines of communication...We were both 100% honest, without getting angry...

I was very sad when my wife told me to have sex with other women because she never liked it....ouch!!!!!! 

We took sex out of the equation... I can develop friendships with women without the guilt...She can have male friends...We have rules though...mostly,we can't talk dirt about each other. We have other rules as well about respect.... Sounds crazy, but sex is better between us now and all of resentments over sex has gone away...

The other option is a Divorce, which we don't want... This isn't cheating if we are honest about it...I don't know how we will feel when one of us has a sexual relationship because it hasn't happened yet...I am flirting a lot and I feel free to explore relationships...My wife is still the world to me...

I don't believe ANY one person will EVER provide for my needs...That's expecting too much from one person..

I can also just accept my marriage for what it is...Stay married to my best friend and have boring passionless sex 4 times a month or explore my sexualality with Another women or 2..

I have the best of both worlds... Life is good.


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## Horizon (Apr 4, 2013)

Trickster said:


> The most important thing for us our daughter...
> 
> My wife and I are not in love...Maybe we never really were...She is my life, my best friend, we get along so well together and as a family, she is a little lazy, but a great mom. Neither one of us wants a D or to separate and be away from our daufpghter as well as each other..
> 
> ...


No offence and I understand this is working for you but it seems to me you are flirting with danger. If and when either of you enter into a sexual relationship with a third party things could become very difficult.


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## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

You have been married for a long time and your children are starting to get to an age where they don’t need as much care. Has he always worked that sort of schedule? You basically have a separation now given how much time he is away from home. Are you starting to resent the part-time father/husband role he seemingly has with his work schedule?

Are you not interested in sex in general or just not with your husband? Can you put a finger on just what is making you unhappy? Have you discussed any of this with him recently?


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

I agree with others here, go out and get yourself a job. Maybe just getting some independence can help your feelings with everything.. it could help you maybe be happier in general, or more like an equal partner, or maybe you will find that it propels you to leave. As it is now, you are stagnating.


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