# Need help - i think my husband is going to leave me for another woman



## princess2011 (Apr 26, 2011)

Hi,
I really need some help/advice.
My husband works away - he is away 2 weeks then back for 1 week. When he came home for his last week off he seemed distant and then I overheard him talking on his phone at 1.00am when he thought I was asleep. I heard him say 'I know it doesn't feel like only 5 weeks' and 'you find love in funny places'. I went out to confront him and he hung up very quickly. He told me he was talking to a work colleague about his new girlfriend. I don't believe him.
The next day I talked to him and he admitted that he doesn't know if he loves me anymore and doesn't know if he wants to be married to me.
I was very upset and he kept saying over the next few days that he hadn't made up his mind yet and that 'didn't I want to fight for him?'
He has gone back to work now and I have received a new phone bill for the past month. There is a new number on the bill that he has been ringing while home for about an hour or an hour and a half at a time. I called the number and a woman answered it.
My husband has always had women friends but I am scared that this is more and that he is lying to me.
What should I do? I feel sick, I can't concentrate and I don't know what to do.
We have been married for 14 years and have 3 children.


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## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

Tell him no you don't want to fight for him.

Tell him if he leaves or continues to see or have any contact with this women by any means other then sending her a no contact letter that he is not welcome in your life.

tell him that unless he fights for your marriage, puts the effort in required, goes to counseling is totally honest and transparent that you will not be with him.

Tell him also that you are not even sure then that you want to be with him, because you don't find deceptive men, who cheat and would leave their own children very attractive.

Unless you do and say those things and mean them he will play you and think he can do whatever he wants and have you waiting at home for him.

You are worth more than that.


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## Niceguy13 (Apr 7, 2011)

Syrum said:


> Tell him no you don't want to fight for him.
> 
> Tell him if he leaves or continues to see or have any contact with this women by any means other then sending her a no contact letter that he is not welcome in your life.
> 
> ...


Though I see that as fighting for him and me and Syrum don't always see eye to eye all I can really say is :iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree: Don't let him bait you its either his marriage or her period.


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## Alecia4 (Apr 17, 2011)

"Tell him no you don't want to fight for him.

Tell him if he leaves or continues to see or have any contact with this women by any means other then sending her a no contact letter that he is not welcome in your life.

tell him that unless he fights for your marriage, puts the effort in required, goes to counseling is totally honest and transparent that you will not be with him.

Tell him also that you are not even sure then that you want to be with him, because you don't find deceptive men, who cheat and would leave their own children very attractive.

Unless you do and say those things and mean them he will play you and think he can do whatever he wants and have you waiting at home for him.

You are worth more than that."

Couldn't have said it better myself. My husband lied over and over again to me and it wasn't until I confronted him with the truth and required the truth from him that we were able to begin the process of moving forward. But it is a process. And I can't imagine how hard it must be with him away for 2 weeks for work. The only thing I would add to this other comment above is that one of the things suggested for those trying to repair a marriage after an affair is doing whatever necessary to eliminate contact with the OP. For my husband, that meant quitting a great job and us moving out of state. If a "home again, gone again" job is part of the problem in his affair then he will need to be willing to do whatever it takes in finding a job that makes you feel safe and secure. One that allows you two to begin to build up trust again.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Been there and done that. Here's a great website: AffairCare Home.

Good luck to you and your children.


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## Sanity (Mar 7, 2011)

princess2011 said:


> Hi,
> I really need some help/advice.
> My husband works away - he is away 2 weeks then back for 1 week. When he came home for his last week off he seemed distant and then I overheard him talking on his phone at 1.00am when he thought I was asleep. I heard him say 'I know it doesn't feel like only 5 weeks' and 'you find love in funny places'. I went out to confront him and he hung up very quickly. He told me he was talking to a work colleague about his new girlfriend. I don't believe him.
> The next day I talked to him and he admitted that he doesn't know if he loves me anymore and doesn't know if he wants to be married to me.
> ...


Have an open and honest conversation with him and ask him if he is having an affair. If he denies it confront him calmy with the information you found and see what he says. Find out who the OW is and see if she is married. Expose the affair. Give the husband two choices and no grey areas. 

1. Marriage Counseling + No OW
2. Divorce


Finally get tested for an STD. Sorry I know it sounds harsh but personally I wouldn't care how many kids were involved. My wife does NOT have the option to have sex with another man AND me. Its that simple.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

I don't understand why cheaters think they're being clever. Talking on the phone at 1am and making up a lame story? Really? 

"That's not mine I was just holding it for a friend".

Yeah right.


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## hippygirl39 (Apr 14, 2011)

I agree with all of the above - if you ask him to stay and he stays, he will always think he has the upper hand. He has to make the decision himself and, sadly, if that means he goes then you are better off without someone who is prepared to lie and cheat. I would not want anyone to stay with me who did not make that decision wholeheartedly as, in my opinion, as soon as things turn sour (and they will at times) he will be thinking he should have gone. You also then have to think whether you want to be with him if he has had an affair! This isn't just about him making a decision, it's about you too.


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