# How Do I Stop??? :'(



## Loverbynature (May 24, 2010)

I started having an affair about a month ago. I love my husband, we have our issues (Most of them sexual (I want sex, he doesn't)), but I want to make it work. I can't control myself when it comes to the other man. I call him every free moment I can. We talk for hours a day. When I see him we are all over each other. I want to stop and get my marriage back, but I lack the tools and support to do so. HELP!


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## lbell629 (May 10, 2010)

Stop talking to him - block his number from your phone, don't see him. It will be hard. You also need to talk to your husband and tell him what is going on. You also need to see a counselor - a marriage counselor for the two of you. This is going to be hard on your husband. Do you have a good friend you can talk to about this and help keep you accountable about your actions and someone you can talk to about your feelings for this OM?


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## Tanelornpete (Feb 2, 2010)

> I can't control myself when it comes to the other man.


This might help: instead of using the word "can't" (which implies that something outside of yourself is causing your arms to move, causing you to change position, etc.) use the word "won't," because that's the reality of the situation. 

Some habits are hard to break, some are difficult to let go of - especially if they make us feel good. But you are a human being, not a chair. You have control over your actions. You choose to behave in some ways, choose NOT to behave in other ways.

You DO have the tools you need: it's called rational thought. The ability to make a choice. It's part of being human. 

As for the support: you get some here. Consider the advice given you and decide what you want to do. 

You say you want to make it work? It won't magically do it on its own. You have to match your actions with your words.

Remember: exchange "can't" with "won't!"


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Tell your husband. Doing so pretty much makes the decision for you. And at the very least, it provides him with a modicum of respect. 

You can't possibly address any of the issues in your marriage while having sex with someone else.

Give your husband the awareness and power to choose what happens next, whether it's abandoning the marriage, or digging in your heels to make it work. As for lover boy, nothing good comes from starting your relationship this way. He's married too, I presume?


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

Loverbynature said:


> I want to stop and get my marriage back, but I lack the tools and support to do so. HELP!


Sorry to tell ya, that you have always had the right tools to stop behaving badly. It's called self control and knowing right from wrong.

Cut all contact with this person willing to intrude on your marriage. Think of him as someone conspiring with you to ruin your own life and those you say you love.

Refocus your energy on good things, behaving as if you respect your husband and yourself.

Seek professional help in doing this.


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## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

Tell your husband, that is probably the only way you will stop. Unless he catches you. You don't sound like you have the moral strength to quit on your own. Why? Because you said "I love my husband". If you loved him you would be able to stop. So you just don't love him enough to stop. How would you feel if he traded bodily fluids with another woman? Do you bathe after you have sex with the OM or at least brush your teeth b4 you kiss your husband? You know you've exposed yourself and your husband to STDs. Which could cause cervical cancer.


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