# She says, "I'm done"



## jayde

My wife and I have been having a rough spot. We went to couples therapy for a few months, with from my perspective, little help from the therapist. We have had several 'discussions' over the past couple months. In one such 'discussion' (she told me to move out, she hates me, I should stay away from her, she deserves better). When we talked about this again, she said that these were feelings inside her and getting them out helped her deal with them and she's moved on from this. She said she felt those things at the time, but no longer. There have been some more productive discussions. Last night when I told her about two therapists I spoke to (we had discussed going back to therapy), her first reaction was "I'm done. I don't think we need any more therapy, I think things have gotten much better." Later, she said that she would like to go one of the ones I mentioned. 

I'm feeling a bit confused and torn about this. I think I might not make the appointment and see if she brings it up again. I just don't know if all those feelings are really gone (I doubt it), she really is in a better place with us (possibly), or if she is buying time for another blowup, or???? I have spoken to her about affair red flags I've seen and she said there's no affair. (And I believe her, perhaps at my detriment, but I do).

Thoughts, comments, suggestions, expereinces???


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## RoseRed

jayde said:


> My wife and I have been having a rough spot. We went to couples therapy for a few months, with from my perspective, little help from the therapist. We have had several 'discussions' over the past couple months. In one such 'discussion' (she told me to move out, she hates me, I should stay away from her, she deserves better). When we talked about this again, she said that these were feelings inside her and getting them out helped her deal with them and she's moved on from this. She said she felt those things at the time, but no longer. There have been some more productive discussions. Last night when I told her about two therapists I spoke to (we had discussed going back to therapy), her first reaction was "I'm done. I don't think we need any more therapy, I think things have gotten much better." Later, she said that she would like to go one of the ones I mentioned.
> 
> I'm feeling a bit confused and torn about this. I think I might not make the appointment and see if she brings it up again. I just don't know if all those feelings are really gone (I doubt it), she really is in a better place with us (possibly), or if she is buying time for another blowup, or???? I have spoken to her about affair red flags I've seen and she said there's no affair. (And I believe her, perhaps at my detriment, but I do).
> 
> Thoughts, comments, suggestions, expereinces???


Make the appointment!! If anything it shows YOUR commitment to saving the marriage...


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## TimeHeals

jayde said:


> My wife and I have been having a rough spot. We went to couples therapy for a few months, with from my perspective, little help from the therapist. We have had several 'discussions' over the past couple months. In one such 'discussion' (she told me to move out, she hates me, I should stay away from her, she deserves better). When we talked about this again, she said that these were feelings inside her and getting them out helped her deal with them and she's moved on from this. She said she felt those things at the time, but no longer. There have been some more productive discussions. Last night when I told her about two therapists I spoke to (we had discussed going back to therapy), her first reaction was "I'm done. I don't think we need any more therapy, I think things have gotten much better." Later, she said that she would like to go one of the ones I mentioned.
> 
> I'm feeling a bit confused and torn about this. I think I might not make the appointment and see if she brings it up again. I just don't know if all those feelings are really gone (I doubt it), she really is in a better place with us (possibly), or if she is buying time for another blowup, or???? I have spoken to her about affair red flags I've seen and she said there's no affair. (And I believe her, perhaps at my detriment, but I do).
> 
> Thoughts, comments, suggestions, expereinces???


Whatever you do, lead. Be a confident, charming, self-assured man that she knows can protect her and stand up to her without being nasty while doing it. Humor helps too.


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## Catherine602

Please make the appointment. If this relationship does not work out you need to be ready for a heathy next one. 

Sorry to say it but don't be so sure she is not cheating. There are so many threads on this forum of spouses who were certain there was no cheating only to find there was. Don't mention it to her again but look at email, cell phone activity, credit card activity etc. Cheaters lie lie lie. Just sayin'.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Ten_year_hubby

jayde said:


> I just don't know if all those feelings are really gone (I doubt it), she really is in a better place with us (possibly), or if she is buying time for another blowup, or???? I have spoken to her about affair red flags I've seen and she said there's no affair. (And I believe her, perhaps at my detriment, but I do).


Jayde,

It's best to take things on face value. If your w says things are better you should believe her and don't be overly concerned about unspoken feelings.

Regarding cheating, your w can be emotionally unfaithful and still honestly say "there was no affair". Once trust has been breached (move out, stay away) I recommend the President Reagan approach of "trust but verify"


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## jayde

10Year - yep - taking things at face value.
C602 - yep - still looking at cellphone records, cc. I don't have the pw for the email acct - which was just created in July after years of using a 'family acct.' I noted this in one of our "discussions" . . . could be for privacy or secrecy - only she knows. I have gone on her email a couple times when she didn't sign out and nothing suspicious at all (inbox, sent mail, etc.)

I'll make the appointment. She actually (nearly) insisted this morning that I make it - a stunning turnaround. So, I'll move ahead as this is all positive. 

If, however, I should get burned (I don't think so), at least I put it all out there - and if she's been deceptive, that is her issue to carry. 

TH - and yes, keeping my chin up. Reading all the man-up stuff on here sounded like such BS, it I find it amazing how it really works. Thanks,


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## TimeHeals

jayde said:


> TH - and yes, keeping my chin up. Reading all the man-up stuff on here sounded like such BS, it I find it amazing how it really works. Thanks,


If it goes well, stop and get a scoop of ice cream or something afterward


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## jayde

Ice cream always helps. Timeless advice!


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