# Secrecy has destroyed my marriage as well as intimacy



## prettywings (Jul 7, 2012)

Have been with this man for 28 years. He was a hard working man always provided for our family howeverthere was always a problem with having a stable household now since the final piece of secrecyhas unfolded the answers have left me devastated. First secret he had never been divorced when he asked me to marry him. We were young in love so we saved for the divorce then got married. Second Found out he was a recovered addict with in the first ten years (there weren't any tracks). Which he told in a testimony at church on a saturday at a youth meeting. I found out on sunday when i went to church. This has me still angry because he failed to tell me hisself. I was ambushed at church with proud parishioners on his courage. Third he told me his mother abandoned him and his brothers at an early age which i found out was a lie on this past mother's day. Our entire marriage has been built on lies on his part. Now here i am in a rut. With a liar who takes no responsibility for his actions. Or wonders why i should be upset but this is the kicker. The bedroom is closed. The intimacy is shattered. I have lost attraction trust and patience.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

ouch.

sad to say but somepeople are just great big liers.

I think they lie so much they even star believing them themselves.

some sorta of physiological problem I would imagine.


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## chiben (Jun 26, 2012)

It must be earth shattering for you. You have to be strong.


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## Mephisto (Feb 20, 2011)

A man not proud of his past and working to be better than he was.... sad that he didn't trust you enough to confide.

Your best bet is to talk to him about these things and remember the good he bought to your marriage.


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## prettywings (Jul 7, 2012)

Mephisto said:


> A man not proud of his past and working to be better than he was.... sad that he didn't trust you enough to confide.
> 
> Your best bet is to talk to him about these things and remember the good he bought to your marriage.


 This is the hurting part. We were best friends so I believed. Yes I would like to talk to him and express my hurt however. He is not communicating he chooses to sweept it under the carpet. Holding on to the goodtimes is all I have to hold .


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## Awake1974 (Jul 8, 2012)

I know exactly how you feel to be with someone who you thought you knew, but is a completely different person. I know it's hard for you, but you have to stand your ground and fight for what you want and need. If you want him back, make him work on it or he can work on packing his bags.


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## bkaydezz (Jul 9, 2012)

what i am getting here is that he seems to be ashamed, and is now looking for attention in front of others who are obviously going to support him. which isnt bad. BUT, why not share with your wife first? I would be just as hurt as you to find all of this out. I would be more livid at the fact that he stood in front of our congragation and told all of them with no knowledge of it! how embarrased you must have felt. I cant imagine the other thigns he is hiding if these are all just now popping out. I can understand him not telling about he abandoned thing, thats probably difficult on his part. He definately needs to consider you in everything, after all, you are the one he is supposed to confide in first. dont get to down on yourself! you obviously tolerate many things, you are a grown woman and know what you need to do and will learn how to approach it!


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