# why won't she just leave me alone?



## tigercat (Oct 6, 2011)

Wife tells me she wants a divorce 2 months ago, tells me the usual BS "I love you but im not in love with you". She tells me we will never get back together and that i needed to move on. Well i find out after we separate that she was having an affair so i guess that explained alot of what she was doing and how she was acting.

At the beginning of the separation I was in shock and felt it was my fault and begged her to give it another try and to come back but of course I didn't know someone else was in the picture at the time. She told me all the time that i needed to move on that their will never be US again.

After a few weeks i'm starting to realize that I deserve better and i've set my mind to move on and i'm fine with that. I started some the 180 things right off the bat and i've keep to it pretty good. I make sure my time with my kids is quality time. I have improved my outlook on alot of things and have gotten back into fitness. 

I only contact my wife or her mother if its something about the kids but her mom tried to contact me one day just to talk and I ignored all her messages and calls. My wife has also tried to talk to me through texting or phone calls but i won't respond to her unless its about our kids.

My wife has been relentless on me since we separated. She has played the victim to the fullest extent and blames me for everything and if I said something she would blame me for supposedly putting it on her. She wanted me to move on and i'm working on that but it seems like she can't do it. I don't even do anything and i only talk to her about kids (very short to the point conversations maybe once or twice every two weeks). But she continues to bash the hell out of me on facebook and every other way she can. I don't usually post on my facebook but i put something a few days ago about hanging out with friends at a bonfire and having a good time, well she wasted no time going on the offensive posting stuff directed to me on her fb. (I don't check her FB but everyone knows us so i wind up hearing what she writes all the time) She wrote something about "you think your something well sorry to tell you babe you are nothing". Obviously I am Something if she are worried about what I am doing. 

I don't pick for anything, hell i don't even talk to the woman lol. It has been a few weeks with very limited contact with her but her hatred for me still burns bright. She needs to just grow up and move on herself. Why do you think she would tell me i needed to move on if she can't let it go? I'm growing frustrated with her continuing to pull me down while i try to move on with my life.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Blaming you is easier than to look inside herself and face the ugliness in her soul.

Please consider telling the people who are telling you how she is blasting you to please stop. They are unwittingly serving as her delivery system for poisonous attacks against you. 

Keep taking the high road and ignore her lunatic ravings like you've done so far.


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## tigercat (Oct 6, 2011)

Yea, I always tell them I don't want to know what she is writing but they people always wind up slipping up and telling me. The stupidity she is posting is usually attacks on me for no reason and i'm tired of her trying to make me look bad. She probably writes that stuff thinking I am checking her page but I don't. I don't care to know what she writes but she must be worried about what I am writing because if i put something about me, it doesn't take her long to write her own stuff about me. The people that know me, and even some that don't, know what she is writing is false but its just annoying. She has become a joke to just about everyone because of her ludacris remarks she makes for everyone to see. I'm just doing what she told me to do and I'm moving on but it seems shes not taking her own advice.

It was her mistake that lead to this when she went outside the marriage. If she regrets the mistakes she has made, this sure is a weird way to correct them. Almost seems as though she is miserable, and is trying to make me that way too. But truth is if she is miserable its because she done it to herself, she made the mistake and now she needs to live with it.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Maybe the OM got tired of her and dumped her. If this is the case, it may explain her spewing angry and bitter attacks against you. OM are notorious for doing this once the woman has left her husband and wants to turn the affair into a committed relationship.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

I will never understand why adult people bash each other on FB. Don't they realize how stupid they look??

You're doing the right thing...she dug her own hole. Good riddance.


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## tigercat (Oct 6, 2011)

morituri said:


> Maybe the OM got tired of her and dumped her. If this is the case, it may explain her spewing angry and bitter attacks against you. OM are notorious for doing this once the woman has left her husband and wants to turn the affair into a committed relationship.


Yea I don't believe her and OM are together anymore. Her she said something about that she wanted to remain friends with him (so i'm guessing they over).

That_girl---Yea i think its rather pathetic that she could keep bashing me 2 months after this went down. I don't really post much on my FB but when i do its positive stuff about what i'm doing that day or maybe words of wisdom. I have never given her anything to work off of since our split. I have handled everything with class but she makes herself look stupid by continuing to attack an innocent person, and everyone realizes it now.

I was just wondering when will her anger fade? Or is it just growing because shes not getting any kind of reaction out of me?


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Oh it's growing. For sure. She sounds like an attention wh0re, so the more you ignore, the angrier she gets. She does this bashing BS on FB to draw you into her stupid game. Bravo to you for not joining her party.


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## tigercat (Oct 6, 2011)

Yea, I actually get satisfaction from the possibility that it makes her mad that I don't stoop to her level and play her games. She is probably also mad because she might have though that she could run the town OM and act single and have me to fall back on but now she is realizing that I'm moving on without her and she don't know what to do.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Oh sweet satisfaction.


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## tigercat (Oct 6, 2011)

Oh and of course if its not bashing me (she never actually uses my name but you can tell its directed at me). If shes not bashing me she will try to play it up that shes so happy now, life is great. I seem to remember reading somewhere a nice little saying about believe less than ___% of what you hear and ___% of what you see when dealing with a cheating spouse (can't remember exact numbers). But again I say she can't be quite as happy as she says she is if she is consumed with hatred towards someone who isn't doing anything but moving with his life and minding his own business.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

People who have to keep talking about their amazing life on FB are usually just trying to convince themselves that they are happy lol.


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## bluburn (Nov 13, 2011)

delete her from your FB. simple. wish her for horrible mess


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## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

In the first place. Don't be so sure that she hasn't changed her position. Hate is not the opposite of love, apathy is. Just continue to live your life, and one day she will turn up at your doorstep offering to give you another chance. But it will have to be on her terms. I think the attempt by her mom to contact you, was her mom trying to let you know that her daughter may be softening. She was going to let you know that if you played your card right she may come back.:scratchhead:


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

Of course she's gonna bash you. She has to convince a lot of people that she made the right decision.

Bravo to you to realize that she is, uh..."less" than what you deserve, but a part of me thinks that she is finally facing the reality of the situation-that her fantasy of true happiness on the other side of the fence is just that, nothing more than a fantasy, and she realizes that she f**ked up big time, and she may want you to take her back, but she has to still feel that she could control the circumstances, i.e., "You're such an a**hole for what you did and drove me to cheat and leave you, but you had better consider yourself DAMN LUCKY that I am even entertaining the thought of R."

Even if she had an epiphany and begged you on her life to take her back and you did, she would be telling anyone who will listen that she was the one who took YOU back, and you were the one begging on your knees.


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## tigercat (Oct 6, 2011)

F-102 said:


> Of course she's gonna bash you. She has to convince a lot of people that she made the right decision.
> 
> Bravo to you to realize that she is, uh..."less" than what you deserve, but a part of me thinks that she is finally facing the reality of the situation-that her fantasy of true happiness on the other side of the fence is just that, nothing more than a fantasy, and she realizes that she f**ked up big time, and she may want you to take her back, but she has to still feel that she could control the circumstances, i.e., "You're such an a**hole for what you did and drove me to cheat and leave you, but you had better consider yourself DAMN LUCKY that I am even entertaining the thought of R."
> 
> Even if she had an epiphany and begged you on her life to take her back and you did, she would be telling anyone who will listen that she was the one who took YOU back, and you were the one begging on your knees.



Yea, she is good a twisting the truth to make herself look good in every situation. 

Not long after our split she unfriended me on FB (i guess because she had OM activity on her page and didn't want me to see), well a few weeks after she unfriended me she sent me another friend request which i declined. So she is not on my friends list, but her profile is public and because she makes such a show and a fool of herself, she has a lot of people interested in her antics so they all go look at her page. This then leads to them wanting to tell me what she is writing or doing even though i don't want to know. I guess if she is not happy, she wants to make sure I won't be happy either. Its stupid that she could hold her own mistakes against me, but I'm not budging, she made her bed and now she will live in it.


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## Dadof3 (Mar 14, 2011)

TC: The percentages are None and Half for the statement about believing. 

Stay strong, my friend!


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

I deleted and blocked my ex husband on FB. But, I also had a bad habit of reading his wall 20xs a day because I wanted to see some sign that he was miserable in his life without me. Instead, all I ever saw were things that would trigger me. So, for my own good, I blocked him. By all outward appearances, my ex seems happy, but is he really? I don't know. He has a pretty good poker face.
It does definitely sound like your ex feels guilty but is pissed that things didn't go her way. Remember, the cheating wives often live in this fantasy realm where they can skip off to the OM while the husband passes along his blessings, the OM wife will lovingly hand over her husband, kids, home and life to her and then kindly step aside, and everyone will be friends and everything will be unicorns and rainbows. But, when that fantasy doesn't happen (as never does) they become angry at the husband who, in their minds is obviously so at fault for not passing along his blessings for the affair. 
You are doing the right thing. Keep it up.


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## chattycathy (Aug 19, 2011)

Definitely block her and make your privacy settings so that only friends can see your stuff.
Don't try to guess why she won't leave you alone.
Just do your best to move onward and to be a good dad.


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## Soccerfan73 (Jul 30, 2011)

Block as fast as possible!


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## NoIssues (Oct 9, 2011)

1. Block her so she cant read your stuff and repond to cut it down at leat a little

2. Happiness is the best revenge because it drives the other nuts

3. Bravo for being in a better place and being able to move on in a healthy way. I admire your pragmatism and strength

4. There are several stages to recovery to lifes different challenges. One of those stages is ALWAYS anger. another is ALWAYS acceptance. She is on the former and not yet at the latter. The more mature a person is the longer each stage takes. In her case, it sounds like it will be awhile.


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

Why are you putting yourself thru this misery by reading/listening/paying attention to what she says


IGNORE HER

Have you filed for D., yet??????-----Move on, means just that, filing for D., will let her know---you have had enuff!!!!


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

tigercat said:


> Yea I don't believe her and OM are together anymore. Her she said something about that she wanted to remain friends with him (so i'm guessing they over)


(sarcasm ON)Oh you know how much us guys love to remain 'friends' with our cheating ex's. But you do realize that it is still our fault for pushing them to have an affair, don't you?  (sarcasm OFF)

You must be doing something right for her to be pis*** off. Keep up the good work.


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## tigercat (Oct 6, 2011)

morituri said:


> You must be doing something right for her to be pis*** off. Keep up the good work.


Yea, its a satisfaction that i'm feeling because I have started the moving on process, I've set my mind to it and I feel comfortable with the direction my life is headed. Her on the other hand wouldn't have anything if it wasn't for me. She is chose her new life and now she will live with the decision she has made. But even though it bothers me that she tries to spread false things about me, I am learning to ignore it. I was a total wreak the first few weeks since the separation, going through the whirlwind of emotions and trying to piece my life back together. Its kinda funny now that I have pulled through the mess and she is stuck in a funk. I guess the grass isn't greener. smh


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## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

I hope you are decorating your place for Christmas, and doing exactly what you normally do (except for her exclusion) or feel like. This is likely to become a very difficult time for her. She will be remembering "Ghosts of Christmas past". Maybe a Christmas party for new friends.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Since your marriage is done, make sure that you have a good plan of action for your divorce. Click on the link below my signature titled Dad's divorce for it will take you to one of the best divorce resource centers for men. Go to the forums and read the 'lessons learned' stickies. Remember that the best defense is a good offense.


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## Geoffrey Marsh (Aug 11, 2011)

You are defiantly doing the right things...

She is now trying to convince herself that she made the right choice. 

The lies a cheater tells everyone else are small in comparison to the lies they tell themselves.

Simple as that.


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## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

instructions....

1. send friend invite on FB, explain you have kids together, should be civil...

2. set privacy setting so that NO ONE except her can see what is on your wall (temporary)...

3. create multiple fake profiles of super hot chicks....

4. post pics of self with very hot chicks in many situations...

5. use fake hotties profile to flirt with and hit on you on your wall...

6. WAIT FOR ABSOLUTE MELTDOWN of ExWife (publically on FB) 

7. remove all proof of any of this from wall, reset seetings to everyone can see...

8. Play dumb, suggest ExW has lost her mind.

9. laugh till it hurts.

10. unfriend cheating harpy exW.










lol.


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## Hoosier (May 17, 2011)

It does definitely sound like your ex feels guilty but is pissed that things didn't go her way. Remember, the cheating wives often live in this fantasy realm where they can skip off to the OM while the husband passes along his blessings posted by Apple.

Lol this is so true. My X when talking to a friend 10 days after I discovered the A, and she had moved in with OM, when asked about the holidays said. "Oh, I figure OM and I will just go to Hoosiers for Christmas dinner, we have friends that are divorced and they do it all the time." ?!?!? Our friends do get together but because the BS only has the option if he wants to see his kids on Christmas, and he didnt for a number of years. My youngest is 20 so not an issue for me. I told this friend that the only way OM was getting into my house was if he were on display in a pine box!


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Hoosier said:


> I told this friend that the only way OM was getting into my house was if he were on display in a pine box!


At one time I was hoping to send my ex-wife's OM (pushing daisies 6 feet under for the foreseeable eternity) to a taxidermist and hang him up on my wall


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## wolffey2003 (Oct 23, 2015)

tigercat said:


> Wife tells me she wants a divorce 2 months ago, tells me the usual BS "I love you but im not in love with you". She tells me we will never get back together and that i needed to move on. Well i find out after we separate that she was having an affair so i guess that explained alot of what she was doing and how she was acting.
> 
> At the beginning of the separation I was in shock and felt it was my fault and begged her to give it another try and to come back but of course I didn't know someone else was in the picture at the time. She told me all the time that i needed to move on that their will never be US again.
> 
> ...


Get rid of her my ex-wife did the same.


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## Blacksmith01 (Aug 12, 2013)

tigercat said:


> Yea I don't believe her and OM are together anymore. Her she said something about that she wanted to remain friends with him (so i'm guessing they over).
> 
> That_girl---Yea i think its rather pathetic that she could keep bashing me 2 months after this went down. I don't really post much on my FB but when i do its positive stuff about what i'm doing that day or maybe words of wisdom. I have never given her anything to work off of since our split. I have handled everything with class but she makes herself look stupid by continuing to attack an innocent person, and everyone realizes it now.
> 
> I was just wondering when will her anger fade? Or is it just growing because shes not getting any kind of reaction out of me?


I don't think she really expected you to move on. I think that comment was to get you to become desperate and beg more so that you could feed her ego more. With you handling everything with class and moving on it is a big blow to that ego. Therefore in a way you are hurting her deeply and hence her verbal attacks about you on FB. Keep up the good work and remember that a good lawyer can use her comments about you on FB against her in court to help you get your kids. Please continue to take the high road. You and your wee ones will be better for it in the long run.


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## pidge70 (Jan 17, 2011)

This guy hasn't been here in 4yrs.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RWB (Feb 6, 2010)

pidge70 said:


> This guy hasn't been here in 4yrs.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


C'mon... raise your hand... Who on here hasn't responded on a 4 year old Zombie Thread?

:surprise:


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

RWB said:


> C'mon... raise your hand... Who on here hasn't responded on a 4 year old Zombie Thread?
> 
> :surprise:


Good thread for newbies to read.

My daughter some how thought you pronounced it Bazombies. Now thats what I think of EVERY time I hear zombie.:smile2::smile2:


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## pidge70 (Jan 17, 2011)

RWB said:


> C'mon... raise your hand... Who on here hasn't responded on a 4 year old Zombie Thread?
> 
> :surprise:


I've never responded to a zombie thread as I always look at the date. I'm OCD like that.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Nice for a zombie thread.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Sometimes zombie threads are listed as threads that are similar to a thread you are on. So you get into the opening post, you read a few more, then you feel you should share your experience and make your post.

And then you notice that the thread is from five years ago! :slap:


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## Sports Fan (Aug 21, 2014)

The good thing about seperation is you no longer have to tolerate her crap. She also does not get to dictate terms.

Block her from Facebook and ignore her.

Have you sorted everything out legally? If not i recommend you hire a good divorce lawyer and keep contact with her minimal.


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

pidge70 said:


> I've never responded to a zombie thread as I always look at the date. I'm OCD like that.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Seeing That_Girl's avitar caused me pause. She's been out for a couple years.

I hope she's doing well.


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