# The false love in a confession



## lovestruckout (Jul 6, 2011)

As time moves on from D-day, of course things continue to run through my head. One aspect of my DS's plead that she knew immediately that she wants to be with me, not the OM, just drives me crazy.

So your spouse realizes (OR comes out of the fog) that they want to stay together, but of course they are doing damage control in offering as little as possible with respect to the extent of the affair (thought I guess some people do come fully clean, on occasion). Likely out of fear that if you did know everything, you would do a burn out when leaving the driveway...for good.

Now, a BS wants honesty, but time and time again it seems so difficult to get total honesty. Isn't the inability of a DS to come fully clean the most direct violation of true love that their can ever be? They will do anything to save their marriage, and we are left deciding if we can accept what they have offered, even through it may be utter bullsh*t.

I guess what I'm saying is, if we never get the full truth, how many R's begin where the lies never left off? How is there any real love if this is case?

Sorry, I've become such a pessimist.


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## Soupnutz (Jul 6, 2011)

I guess I was lucky in that regard. My wife was brutally honest and answered every question I asked. I don't think she held anything back because the only way it could really be worse is maybe a secret pregnancy/abortion, but not enough time has passed for that to have happened anyway. I've had a vasectamy by the way, so if there was one there'd be no question about the source. 

Just be careful with honesty, you might ask a question that either you don't really want, or can't handle the answer to.


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

As to Your cheating wife--especially depending upon age-----there is more than likely no one out there who would take care of her as you did/do now------there is very little out there that does not have baggage, so what is her future, for a man down the line---basically guys that are no account, bad boys, bums, guys that can't make it, guys from bad relationships themselves, that won't trust the other sex---there is basically very little out there for her, AND THAT IS IN A GOOD SIZED POPULATION CENTER, in a small town, there is vitually nothing---so to go out into the world as a single divorced woman, with the tag of cheater----what chance does she have for a decent man in her future----THAT IS WHY SHE WILL FIGHT LIKE HE*L TO KEEP THIS MGE----that is just for starters, many others things also come into play, depending upon your mge. itself.

That is also why you have great leverage---in how you deal with the future of your mge

She knows WHY she cheated, she knows what she was thinking-----YOU just have to be hard enuff, to get it out of her.-----You must do what YOU NEED TO DO, to get some semblance of your life back----trust, peace of mind, and your carefree life are gone---but you will make it no matter which way you go---just make it be about you 1st and foremost


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## 2xloser (May 8, 2011)

Well I think if there was 'true love' the way we had wanted & envisioned it, there obviously wouldn't have been an affair to confess about now, would there.

Confession and details - including trickle-truth - is in my mind just an extension of the horror of the affair happening in the first place, and the completely incomprehensible place the WS finds themselves in. I wouldn't separate them, nor read too much into the lack of initial/early confession detail coming about as a sign of their commitment to R... unless it _never_ comes out, then it's being withheld for some strange reason I'd not understand.


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