# Lazy, Unmotivated Wife



## Unconditional Love (Aug 5, 2011)

Blanca said:


> You sound like a very good guy who has done well for his family. But it sounds like you never loved your wife. I'm wondering if your wife ever really loved you, and if she did, if she's now realizing that you never loved her.
> 
> I also suffer from lack of motivation. My husband works really hard at a job he loves. I dont always get laundry done, I've been fired and quit jobs, struggle with school, and am not always the person or the wife i wish i could be.
> 
> ...




I'm going thru this same issue myself  I wonder if its a phase [?] I Love my husband theirs no doubt, but because of this matter that wer giong thru ,sometimes I wonder If my love for him is stronger than what he feels for me. He has been a great provider for our family but I lack romance and sweet talk from him, and he tells me he loves but it makes him angry that our house can never be spotless or ever do things when he asks me to; he has told me that I make excuses for why it never gets done... that makes me sad and angry towards myself because I feel like a failure. Iv come to think that maybe I cant keep up with who he expects me to be; and that gives me low-self esteem... 
Before we just talked it thru but today its to the point where he started ignoring me as if I wasnt their, all because I didnt do what he asked me to do and he said he was tired of my excuses. I DONT SEE DIVORCE as an option becaue LOVE IS THEIR AND HAS ALWAYS BEEN but I dont know how to motivate myself to get things done, or what to say to say to him to get our relationship back to how it was :/


*So Im new at this site and I'm still getting the hang of this ,I was trying to reply to a post but it became a threat hehe..

Well now that its a threat If I could PLEASE get some advice,Thanks in advance =)


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## SockPuppet (May 16, 2011)

Before I get into this you need to realise something. No matter how much love there is and always has been, if your H sees you as lazy and unmotivated things are going to go down hill. Might be a few years around but the resntment will build to the point of exploding and you H will do something you wont like.





> Iv come to think that maybe I cant keep up with who he expects me to be


Are his expectations unrealistic? Are you too busy leading your own life to cater to what he wants? Expanding on this quote would be super.



Does your H do the chores you dont? Does he get mad/annoyed/disapointed with you over it? If the answer is yes, your H is enabling your activity. You see, its a lot easier to just "take the punishment" than to do the chore. Unfortunately with this the offending spouse starts to suffer from poor self-esteem and dillusion (see first para.), while the other spouse becomes resentful.

Two suggestions for changing this would hit the targets I just pointed out. 

1) Tell your H that your a lazy slob and you need his help to get over it. If your H is any kind of decent he will agree to googling around for more info on why he is an enabler, and how to overcome his behavioural issues. Remember marriage = unity.

2) Sit down with your H, or if you followed #1 remain seated with your H, and write out a schedule. Who is responsible for what chores and when. This can always be modified on a weekly basis, but the big thing here is you. Only agree to the chores you ARE going to get done. This is two-fold. Slowly but surely you will be able to increase your duties to the point where this is no longer an issue. secondly, written down you will see that its porbably not that much and wont take long at all. If you value your H you will see that if you cannot do these few things that your not very valuable as a wife, and if you dont know where Im going with this, go back to the first paragraph.


cheers.


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## pidge70 (Jan 17, 2011)

Do you think you might be depressed?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Sometimes when someone expects perfection, the other person doesn't even want to try.

I love taking care of my home. If my husband made comments though, I wouldn't enjoy it and would probably not want to try as hard.

He's your husband, not your father.


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## pidge70 (Jan 17, 2011)

I despise cleaning. I was diagnosed with moderate OCD and it sucks. I've been known to be mopping at 2am crying because I was so tired.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Sicktomystomach (Aug 5, 2011)

It does sound like you might be depressed. Do you have a doctor or are you on meds? At one time,my husband would go to work,come home and go to bed. He would stay in bed all weekend and he was on an antidepressant but he obviously needed more help. I dragged him to the dr. where they added another antidepressant. It took about 2 months but I slowly started seeing a change in him. I can even tell when he's not taking his meds and I'm right on him because he really needs them or he can barely function.
I would talk to your dr. if I were you.
Is your house a mess or is your husband expecting too much out of you? Does he help you with the chores? My husband came from the old school....He made the money,I took care of the house and kids and one was ADHD. I also worked part time. But he wanted that house clean and supper on the table when he got home. As far as he was concerned,his day was over. But mine was far from over. I still had to see to it homework was done,baths were over and books were read befoe they went to bed. Then,I had to finish the dishes and start the wash and a million other things while he watched TV and then leisurely went to bed. He came and got me one day and took me in another room. I was washing dishes so I was drying my hands ,walking behind him. He pointed to a magazine on the floor and said,"I've been waiting a week to see how long it would take for you to pick that up". I said,"Is there something wrong with YOU that YOU can't lean over and pick it up"? He looked at me like he couldn't understand. I told him the magazine could stay there til it rottted or he could finish the dishes and I'd pick the magazine up.
I handed him the dish towel and he just looked at me. I said,"That's what I thought". Then turned around and finished the dishes and went to bed. The next morning he had left for work.....and the magazine was picked up.
My husband was mollycoddled by his mother. She ironed his sheets,underwear,polished his shoes for him and when he and his father sat down to watch TV and took their shoes off,she would whisk their shoes away and bring them their slippers. So,he got used to being waited on.
Could that possibly be the problem,that he sees the whole house as YOUR job while he works and does nothing to help? Being a wife and Mother is a 24 hour job. I don't know if you have kids or not. But his day started at 9 and ended at 5. My day started at 6am and sometimes didn't end til 6am if I had a sick child. He would be snoring away while I was exhausted. He saw it as my job,even though I worked part time to help out. With counseling,my husband realized that I was overworked and actually started helping me. When he gave the kids their baths,I was amazed. He even read them their bed time stories. That enabled me to finish the dishes and get the laundry started.
The care of the house and kids is TEAM WORK. Could it be he's not doing his part?


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## MjLytton (Aug 5, 2011)

I too think you should talk to your doctor. I had similar issues among others. After a couple of years of it getting worse we spoke to our doctor about it. Soon enough I was diagnosed with PCOS which can have severe hormone issues. 

It's worth asking about it.


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