# Need insights from guys: Why he doesn't enjoy being pleased in bed?



## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

What should I do to spice things up in the bedroom?

My husband doesn't enjoy being pleased, he seldom requests me blow job. He doesn't enjoy being licked or kissed all over his body because he feels very itchy and he can't help but laugh out loud.

He told me he doesn't feel excited being licked but only itchy.

When I want to caress his penis, he would move away my hand. I can't even touch.

I have no idea how to please him. 

Image that you want to please a woman but she just hates everything you do on her:

She doesn't like being sucked on the nipples.
She doesn't like being touch on her private part.
She doesn't like nothing!

It's very frustrating. I need some advice!


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## Sara Ann (Aug 27, 2010)

Marriage counseling.


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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

Sara Ann said:


> Marriage counseling.


Is that serious?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

Some updates, I sms my husband, it's very important for him to reach his maximum sexual satisfaction and there's nothing that is too naughty to be discovered and to be done together. No pressure. Only for fun.
I'm working on my marriage problems because I want to fall back in love with my husband, so I must do my best to understand his desires, sexual interests and fantasies that he seldom shares. He only likes to take the lead and please me. I'm totally satisfied but I know he isn't. Soon or latter it will become a problem again.
Anyone who has an idea pls feel free to comment.


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## marcopoly69 (Sep 7, 2010)

I am sad for you MsLonley as I know how much it takes from you to deal with something like this...it is impossible to feel loved like that...the only advise I have for you is that you need to talk to him...with my W, we talk, it is not pretty as it never seems to be a calm talk...it is always trying to defend different arguments...but at the end of the day, without investing in communicating nothing will ever changed...it is difficult to talk about these things but necessary....to us still all this issue about emotional connexion and physical access to your spouse body something we have to still work everyday....


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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

marcopoly69 said:


> I am sad for you MsLonley as I know how much it takes from you to deal with something like this...it is impossible to feel loved like that...the only advise I have for you is that you need to talk to him...with my W, we talk, it is not pretty as it never seems to be a calm talk...it is always trying to defend different arguments...but at the end of the day, without investing in communicating nothing will ever changed...it is difficult to talk about these things but necessary....to us still all this issue about emotional connexion and physical access to your spouse body something we have to still work everyday....


Thank you marco! Communication is very important as you said. So we must continue. My husband does love me and loves to please me in bed. It seemed I'm the only one who need sex, so he would do all the work for me. It's great but how about himself? He doesn't need me to do a thing to please him, and he's not always completedly satisfied. As soon he knows I'm satisfied and I have orgasms. He would finish sex without ejaculation often. I'd love to do anything for him, such as blow job but he doesn't want.


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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

Sex is not about to satisfy one person but for two ppl to please each other in the foreplay, for example 69, and share the work to reach orgasms together, such as woman on top.
When he's exhausted,
But no, he wants nothing from me.
I have never done 69 even I have told him i'd love to try it. He said ok ok but never happened.


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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

I know soon or latter it will become a problem. No one can live in a sexual unsatisfied. My husband doesn't understand it and he thinks things are good in this way. It's hard to explain.


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

MsLonely said:


> I know soon or latter it will become a problem. No one can live in a sexual unsatisfied. My husband doesn't understand it and he thinks things are good in this way. It's hard to explain.


Are you sure he doesn't understand this?


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## 76Trombones (Jun 2, 2010)

If he was being pleased then he would want it more, not less. So obviously what you are doing is not pleasing him, because he does not want it more. Maybe ask him what he is into and what things he would prefer you to do, that way he would get something good out of it and, in turn, will want it more. Its simple logic 

eta: just because a lot of other men like something does not mean that your husband does, eg head jobs. There are men out there that do not like that. So the easiest way to find out is to ask him point blank.


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## tinyturt (Nov 4, 2010)

MsLonely said:


> Image that you want to please a woman but:
> 
> She doesn't like being sucked on the nipples.
> She doesn't like being touch on her private part.
> ...


Me too!


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Is you H a hard worker? Does he enjoy his career, and the hard work that got him were he is today?

If so, then explain to him he needs to do his job and communicate in the bed room. Intamicy may be hard work for some, and he needs to do his part in sharing, pushing your hand away is not sharing. Dam it, if you want to play with a penis you have every right, and his job is letting you have your fun. He is your play station and if the game is broken then you may need a new playstation.


Since my past has caught up with me, if my W wants to treat me like a jungle gym, well I better reciprocate, or she will find another play ground. No matter how tired I am, I have a job and responsablity to my best friend to make her happy. 

All he needs to do is speak up, how big a freak is he were he can't share his desire. What turned him on in the past, before marriage got in the way?

Back in the day I had alot of resentment with W. and used it (no sex) as punishment. That didnt work out so well for me, but is something on his mind?


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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

the guy said:


> Is you H a hard worker? Does he enjoy his career, and the hard work that got him were he is today?
> 
> If so, then explain to him he needs to do his job and communicate in the bed room. Intamicy may be hard work for some, and he needs to do his part in sharing, pushing your hand away is not sharing. Dam it, if you want to play with a penis you have every right, and his job is letting you have your fun. He is your play station and if the game is broken then you may need a new playstation.
> 
> ...


His work & career is smooth. At times he can be tired but not exhausted.
No, he's not my playstation, and I can't touch his "Joy Stick" without asking permission.
Today I tried to communicate with him and he said I think too much which is not good for health.
Then he wanted to focus on why I'm discussing about this topic with him, about sex often and he believed that something is wrong with me...
I was completedly speechless then I had to spend time to help him figure what is wrong with me, not him. So our conclusion is because I'm insecure so I over-rated the importance of sexual topic.
What [email protected]&%#!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

76Trombones said:


> If he was being pleased then he would want it more, not less. So obviously what you are doing is not pleasing him, because he does not want it more. Maybe ask him what he is into and what things he would prefer you to do, that way he would get something good out of it and, in turn, will want it more. Its simple logic
> 
> eta: just because a lot of other men like something does not mean that your husband does, eg head jobs. There are men out there that do not like that. So the easiest way to find out is to ask him point blank.


It really beats me! That's exactly what I'm wondering why my husband not wanting more...it seems I'm the only one who have sexual desire and his work is to make me happy.
Good new is that he agreed to give me more instructions in pleasing him, so I will get to know how to rub him the right way, probably tomorrow. In the past week, we already did 3 times, I have more than 10 v. orgasms, but he didn't even ejaculate once. Although we have already broken our sexless record, once or twice a month and if tomorrow we do again we will have a new record of 4 times a week. My target is to screw his brains off. I will make sure he reach his orgasm, I'm not letting him get away from letting go.
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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

In some way I must admit I'm insecure.
This problem has been there in my marriage. My husband's sexual dissatisfaction had caused him to cheat on me in the past, mostly online cyber sex with someone he found at adultfriendfinder website. He did meet a woman but the woman refused him. So, it seemed he didn't get a F, but he was playing with fire and almost killed the marriage and damaged the family.
At that moment our relationship was very argumentive because of his disloyal behaviors. I caught him more than 5 times and our sexual life was miserable. I also got mad and shouted at him.
Anyway, it's 3 years ago when I caught him bring a woman to a fancy restaurant. I did forgive him for family's sake but that killed my passion for him and caused me to search validations from other men. I eventually fell in love with the OM, whom I also met on the internet. 
3 years have past, my marriage has been peaceful, but sexless. I was still having the EA with the OM until I found this forum. I'm very thankful because it provided me lots of information and insights. I got to read many new views and values in life. 
After 2 months on this forum, I have cut off my EA, and re-created the sparks with my husband. We had lots of sex in the past week but I'm only half way to success.
We all need to go on fighting for our happiness till the end. Keep communicating with our spouses. I know I love my husband and I will not give up.
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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

I've been married for two years and my wife had (has still) similar problems when it comes to pleasing me. It's not her ability in question at all really, but this is just my scenario. Read on if you are curious.

To be honest over the years I felt like a machine, her sex drive is very high, and she's also very demanding herself (3-7x a day), and I felt raped each time - sickening feeling really, like I'm used for sex each time. Of course, most people will go "You're losing your manhood" "Get a real man to do her then!" when they know of this. 

It's not that I don't enjoy sex, personally I just enjoy the romance as well, the tease, the game, the challenge. I'm just that type, she caught on it a few times, once at dinner all she had to do to 'initiate' was wear nothing but a T-shirt and crossed her legs under the glass table. Couldn't get my eyes off 'em. Unfortunately there also needs to be variety in the game, she kept pushing the same buttons thinking that I'm some machine and hence has been lazy since marriage to arose me properly.

I'm also a bit of exhibitionist, something that we both used to enjoy before marriage, and something I miss. I also enjoyed it when she deliberately made me jealous, for me jealousy is a great nerve to tickle - it multiplied her attractiveness tenfold when others also found her irresistible. But nowadays... meh.

I don't like routine sex, to me it's just pointless and it's like 'whatever, just get it over and done with' nowadays. But this is just my case.


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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

RandomDude said:


> I've been married for two years and my wife had (has still) similar problems when it comes to pleasing me. It's not her ability in question at all really, but this is just my scenario. Read on if you are curious.
> 
> To be honest over the years I felt like a machine, her sex drive is very high, and she's also very demanding herself (3-7x a day), and I felt raped each time - sickening feeling really, like I'm used for sex each time. Of course, most people will go "You're losing your manhood" "Get a real man to do her then!" when they know of this.
> 
> ...


Did you try to communicate with your wife? It's not a good idea to leave the problem there and let it get rotten. Did you speak to her honestly or you would beat around the bush to avoid making her upset?
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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Yes we have talked about this, but not only is the fact that romance/teasing should not need to be asked for (and asking for it spoils the whole thing anyway), but there are a lot of things I must keep to myself, as she spends a lot of time maintaining herself and I don't like to be a jerk and go "that's not enough!" heh. One must keep a balance.

We have made some slow progress over last few months, but more threatening issues are present at the moment outside of the bedroom, the reason I mentioned this was just to give you some perspective on a slight possibility that your husband maybe like me. There's a stereotype that women have many switches but men have only one, which I find rather humorous but also untrue - at least for me 

There is also another thing I forgot to mention actually when you mentioned your husband enjoys pleasuring you but not the reverse. This is something I have in common with him sometimes, but perhaps the reasons may defer. For me it's part of the game, some men like myself may feel more dominant this way. When a woman is completely oblivious to the world around her in total pleasure thats when I know I've conquered her every being (from lack of better words). It's just a game I can't stop playing.

Anyways when it comes to teasing/etc, there was a great saying once in an old movie "Cleopatra" or something and Cleopatra asks "How do you seduce a conqueror" and the lady replied something like "Simple, just make sure no matter how much you've given him, there's always something left for him to conquer". Some folks don't like teasing sure, but some men do.

The missus and I have more serious issues at the moment however, which I made a thread on in another section but... guess it's not something folks can answer easily unfortunately. While I'm waiting for a reply just thought I try my best to help out where I can as well.


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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

Thank you RandomDude! I can't find your thread via handphone, can you give me the title of thread?
By the way, thanks for your views and sharing! Now I'm developing my husband's interests in enjoying some certain stuffs and making them as basic things to do whenever we have sex. 
First of all, blow job. This is something I think my husband should feel comfortable with. He should love it and ask me for it often as a normal man would! Now I know he has a fear to feel hurt because he loves it to be sucked very slowly without any licking or going down to his balls and ass. Most men love blow job at a much faster pace but that's not his speed.
Second stuff that I'd love to add on after my husband gets to enjoy my blow job and make it a habit is 69, mutual oral sex.
Few more stuffs i'd love to try with him but they're not a must have everytime, such as toy, tie up & blindfold, anal sex...etc. 
Do I expect too much?
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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

For me, the basic stuffs are only basic in my standard of a satisfying sexual life.
Intercourse and achieving orgasms are just the ending parts of the whole package. The maximum satisfaction should have been achieved in marriage but it never happened. All my marriage life, sex has been pretty boring.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Aye, every man is always different just like women, we all as individuals have our own different switches. As for 69 it's a good compromise as he enjoys giving a lot 



> The maximum satisfaction should have been achieved in marriage but it never happened. All my marriage life, sex has been pretty boring.


Heh welcome to my world, hence I mentioned the game to spice things up. It's a game that can't really be discussed between couples (as that spoils the fun of it) which makes it a challenge to keep it up during marriage.



> Thank you RandomDude! I can't find your thread via handphone, can you give me the title of thread?


It's here:
http://talkaboutmarriage.com/relati...84-unsolved-religious-issues-haunting-us.html

Thankfully I just got a reply on it this morning!


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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

RandomDude said:


> Aye, every man is always different just like women, we all as individuals have our own different switches. As for 69 it's a good compromise as he enjoys giving a lot
> 
> 
> 
> ...


It's better to spoil the fun when no fun is gonna happen anyway.


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## Mr B (Feb 6, 2009)

Has he suffered from and sexual dysfunctions in the past? This can turn a guy off sex.

Does he suffer from depression or anxiety? this can make the intimacy of a close relationship unpleasant. Plus, medications prescribed for these problems also kill libido.

Does he suffer from any physical illnesses? Nerve damage from diabetes for example can destroy sensitivity in the penis. Again some medications can kill libido so if he is taking blood pressure meds that can cause erectile dysfunction and kill his sex drive.

Does he masturbate a lot and watch porn? Some men come to prefer this over partner sex, especially in a long term marriage.

Have you changed a lot physically. ie: weight gain or "letting yourself go" Men's primary sexual sense is the visual and they need visual stimulation to have sexual desire.

Was he abused in any way as a child- physical, sexual, psychological? This can cause a lack of trust in those close to you and kill sexual desire.

A Gay man passing for straight in a marriage is very rare. That should be the last thing on your list of things to consider.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

MsLonely said:


> My husband does love me and loves to please me in bed. It seemed I'm the only one who need sex, so he would do all the work for me.


I am very confused, in your other thread, it sounded like he did not do anything to please you. >>>


MsLonely said:


> Before I started, he gave me lots of attitude regardless all the love & service I generously offered, only to put his mind in peace.
> 
> What did he do to make me wet? Nothing!
> 
> After he's satisfied with my blow job, he wanted F. So I went on top with a dry pusxy, and I had a hard time to insert his cok, so I told him I was not wet, hell yes, who cared? he didn't feel sorry about it but just waited to see with an attitude to see what I was gonna do next. So I had to make myself wet as well.


 I asked some other questions in the other thread --why he may not want pleased himself. 

Sounds like you want it all (as a good wife should be)-- to please and be pleased, and he is hit or miss on either when it comes to you. Yes, this has to be majorly frustrating.


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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

My husband does love me and pleased me in a routine. The routine is about once or twice a month, sometimes, zero sex in a month. He became very defensive when I proposed to spice up our sexual life. If I don't insist to add something new and wait for him to lead & initiate, everytime, sex went back to old routines.
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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

I don't know if this is good advice, but it's something that I actually miss, before I break it out however I'm just curious - is he a jealous sort?


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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

Mr B said:


> Has he suffered from and sexual dysfunctions in the past? This can turn a guy off sex.
> 
> Does he suffer from depression or anxiety? this can make the intimacy of a close relationship unpleasant. Plus, medications prescribed for these problems also kill libido.
> 
> ...


Thanks for your information!
In the past, he had most things you mentioned because he was over-weighted. He injured his knee and had a surgery. He suffered from low- testosterone. In the past year, he worked out, lost weights, without medication, his testosterone level is now within the normal range. We had a blood test 2 months ago. 
Today we had a serious conversation about my sexual unsatisfaction.
He admitted to me that he's been ignored sex because in the past, he had lots of physical issues and he lost his confidence. He cancelled himself from having fun. He didn't know he's able to be sexually active again. He didn't know his knee has recovered. He kept thinking man-on-top would hurt his knee, just told me. In the past, he wouldn't tell me what's bothering him. So that's why he refused me when I proposed to add new positions. I had to communicate for a month. Then he finally changed and found it was not hurting at all. So now he's happy about it. 
The problem is I must be the one to push, suffer from his rejections then he would move a bit forward and recover his confidence a bit.
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