# Exercise vs sex???



## Ants (Sep 12, 2020)

Hello, I wanted to get some peoples perspectives on an issue I have. The perspective lm interested most is one of a female who loves to work out. My wife gets up extra early every morning and goes downstairs and works out hard. When I say works out, I mean ride the peloton for an hour, lift weights, does yoga and stretches.My wife and I are in our mid 40s and she is in very good shape. This is obviously a good thing. The reason I’m reaching out to get some advice is because I believe due to this rigorous routine she then is exhausted by the end of every day and has no interest in sex. We are now averaging about once a month. In the past we would have sex twice a week. I have tried talking to her about this and explain my perspective that due to her early rising and working out every single day she has no energy and time left for me or our sex life. She responded it’s her life and her choice and that’s that. She has no interest in changing. We’ve been married for 18 years and have three middle-age children. Any advice or additional perspective would be appreciated. Ants


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

Ants said:


> Hello, I wanted to get some peoples perspectives on an issue I have. The perspective lm interested most is one of a female who loves to work out. My wife gets up extra early every morning and goes downstairs and works out hard. When I say works out, I mean ride the peloton for an hour, lift weights, does yoga and stretches.My wife and I are in our mid 40s and she is in very good shape. This is obviously a good thing. The reason I’m reaching out to get some advice is because I believe due to this rigorous routine she then is exhausted by the end of every day and has no interest in sex. We are now averaging about once a month. In the past we would have sex twice a week. I have tried talking to her about this and explain my perspective that due to her early rising and working out every single day she has no energy and time left for me or our sex life. She responded it’s her life and her choice and that’s that. She has no interest in changing. We’ve been married for 18 years and have three middle-age children. Any advice or additional perspective would be appreciated. Ants


Who is she keeping in shape for? That’s the question you should be asking. 
My wife and I work out every day and we have sex every day too. If time was an issue we would ditch the workout.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

She is working out for someone else.


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

mid 40s , 1 a month , if she is keeping fit she should be turbo charged , unless she is getting it burned off before she comes home


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

Ants said:


> She responded it’s her life and her choice and that’s that. She has no interest in changing.


Well, at least she's honest about it. 

If she refuses to change then you have two choices: Stay and accept that things will never change, or divorce.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

I doubt the working out is the reason for no sex, more her excuse sadly. However she sounds a bit OCD about exercise.


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

She isnt working out for you. There is someone elae


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

Numb26 said:


> She isnt working out for you. There is someone elae


 i would expect she is doing it for herself , as Diana said " doubt the working out is the reason for no sex, "


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

She’s getting fit for someone else. Either she’s already getting it from her OM or she’s working hard to attract a new guy that she’s flirting with but feels he’s out of her league, hence the all out effort. I lean towards her already having a new sex partner, hence the reduction to once a month duty sex. WWs do that when they want to be loyal to their man. 

When you’re partner goes on a hard charging self improvement kick, it is critical that you go hard yourself. The imbalance caused by 1 partner dramatically upping their sex rank and getting attention from potential mates that were out of their league, almost always leads to emotional distance from their partner.

Read about it how when a woman gets a boob job, tummy tuck combo, she is soon in a new man’s bed. Seen it in real life. Long happy marriage with kids risked to be some exciting guy’s free prostitute.

You better do some serious digging. You have a serious problem on your hands. Also, get busy on your own self improvement. Do it for yourself, not for her. Not that she will notice for a while. Her heart and mind are too preoccupied.


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

frenchpaddy said:


> i would expect she is doing it for herself , as Diana said " doubt the working out is the reason for no sex, "


She is working out because either she has somebody already or she is putting herself back on the market. Either way she is not doing it for him. What I said still stands


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## Ants (Sep 12, 2020)

Ants said:


> Hello, I wanted to get some peoples perspectives on an issue I have. The perspective lm interested most is one of a female who loves to work out. My wife gets up extra early every morning and goes downstairs and works out hard. When I say works out, I mean ride the peloton for an hour, lift weights, does yoga and stretches.My wife and I are in our mid 40s and she is in very good shape. This is obviously a good thing. The reason I’m reaching out to get some advice is because I believe due to this rigorous routine she then is exhausted by the end of every day and has no interest in sex. We are now averaging about once a month. In the past we would have sex twice a week. I have tried talking to her about this and explain my perspective that due to her early rising and working out every single day she has no energy and time left for me or our sex life. She responded it’s her life and her choice and that’s that. She has no interest in changing. We’ve been married for 18 years and have three middle-age children. Any advice or additional perspective would be appreciated. Ants





Ants said:


> Hello, I wanted to get some peoples perspectives on an issue I have. The perspective lm interested most is one of a female who loves to work out. My wife gets up extra early every morning and goes downstairs and works out hard. When I say works out, I mean ride the peloton for an hour, lift weights, does yoga and stretches.My wife and I are in our mid 40s and she is in very good shape. This is obviously a good thing. The reason I’m reaching out to get some advice is because I believe due to this rigorous routine she then is exhausted by the end of every day and has no interest in sex. We are now averaging about once a month. In the past we would have sex twice a week. I have tried talking to her about this and explain my perspective that due to her early rising and working out every single day she has no energy and time left for me or our sex life. She responded it’s her life and her choice and that’s that. She has no interest in changing. We’ve been married for 18 years and have three middle-age children. Any advice or additional perspective would be appreciated. Ants


To those who suggest she is cheating or getting in shape to cheat, I highly doubt it. She has worked out her whole life as a runner. Her knees hurt now so she does less impactful workouts. We used to run together a lot. Plus my wife has always been very conservative.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

Wife has worked out for many years, mostly aerobic type. It never affected her sexual energy, if anything probably improved it. I started working out a decade ago, also aerobic. And my energy and stamina has vastly improved.

So, I would bet your wife has more than enough energy for sex ( which btw burns about 120 cal/hour ), probably more than if she didn't work out hard. She just doesn't want to (with you). Alternatively, she is using the workout to burn out sexual frustration.

Like others have said, especially if her workout dedication a recent development, she is working out for someone besides you. Does she go to a gym? Those are premier places for wives to become wayward.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

Ants said:


> To those who suggest she is cheating or getting in shape to cheat, I highly doubt it. She has worked out her whole life as a runner. Her knees hurt now so she does less impactful workouts. We used to run together a lot. Plus my wife has always been very conservative.


"She responded it’s her life and her choice and that’s that. She has no interest in changing." That response to you mentioning the lack of sexual interest with you is a red flag isn't it? She told you get used to how things are, and she will do what she pleases whether you like it or not.

Where is she in the menopause progress?


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

I don't think she's working out for someone else. It sounds like she's had a lifelong exercise addiction. 

The problem is that she just doesn't want to have sex with you. And she's told you that straight out. You get to decide what to do with that information.


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## D0nnivain (Mar 13, 2021)

the correlation you are drawing doesn't exist. Her work outs should be invigorating her & she probably feels sexy because she looks good. Your bedroom troubles are real but her workouts are not the cause. Being tired is an excuse. Dig deeper to find the real cause of the problem. 

Are you intimate outside the bedroom ? Do you really talk? How about you get up & go downstairs to work out with her. You can left weights while she's on the peleton. A shared interest or you taking better care of your body might be a great jump start.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

My wife doesn’t want to have sex when she is tired/sleepy because it wakes her up.

I am an athlete myself and a bit older than you. I work out 7d/week, sometimes more than once a day, and I want to have sex all the time despite pain and chronic injuries.

Is it possible you can get to her before bed?


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## CountryMike (Jun 1, 2021)

Just address the too infrequent sexual relationship with her, not the exercise.

If she goes right to the exercise as an excuse be clear that's still not a good reason to have such a poor, and it is a poor sex life.

Keep it simple and to the point until she makes it not so simple. See what happens. I can't believe you've put up with such for as long as you have.


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## D0nnivain (Mar 13, 2021)

Do some research on how many calories are burned through sex & present it to her as an aerobic work out.


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

Ants said:


> To those who suggest she is cheating or getting in shape to cheat, I highly doubt it. *She has worked out her whole life as a runner. * Her knees hurt now so she does less impactful workouts. We used to run together a lot. Plus *my wife has always been very conservative.*


Sure she’s worked out her whole life but now she’s upped her efforts and is doing a different type of workout at the same time that she’s sexually cutting you off. That is some seriously midlife crisis type of actions.

You would be blown away at the number of threads that we get on TAM that start off with your scenario that end up being an affair. you would also be surprised at the number of BHs that believe their shy, religious, conservative, etc wife are not capable of such a betrayal but turn out to be very wanton for their OM. I’m not talking about the vanilla duty sex that is doled out a few times a month.

The cliche about its always the quiet ones is sadly too often true. Check her phone, tablet, laptop, IG, FB, email, etc. look at the deleted files and search for pics in a privacy section. Yep, that’s right, little ms conservative wife are often sending nudes and videos showing off the new body.


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

Ants said:


> To those who suggest she is cheating or getting in shape to cheat, I highly doubt it. She has worked out her whole life as a runner. Her knees hurt now so she does less impactful workouts. We used to run together a lot. Plus my wife has always been very conservative.


Lots of people work out for themselves. You are right it doesn't mean she is cheating. Also she is at an age where you either fight age or resign to it. Sounds like she is fighting it.

So your problem isn't the working. Why are you addressing it that way?

She isn't interested in not working out. Has she explained why she isn't interested in sex?
Have you approached her for sex in the morning when she isn't tired?
How about before bed time?
Do you ever go out without the kids? How is it then?

How is the marriage overall?
Usually there is some disconnection that creates space.


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## CatholicDad (Oct 30, 2017)

I think this is why I'm not a fan of heavy cardio. You work yourself to death and end up skinny, emaciated, and asexual (apparently). 

Too bad she left running and just picked up another cardio routine. Maybe you should take up strength training and see if you can woo her away slowly from the endless cardio. Maybe a nonchalant suggestion of "hey babe, you probably need to incorporate some strength training into your routine with your cardio. Want to start hitting the gym with me a couple times per week?"


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

CatholicDad said:


> I think this is why I'm not a fan of heavy cardio. You work yourself to death and end up skinny, emaciated, and asexual (apparently).
> 
> Too bad she left running and just picked up another cardio routine. Maybe you should take up strength training and see if you can woo her away slowly from the endless cardio. Maybe a nonchalant suggestion of "hey babe, you probably need to incorporate some strength training into your routine with your cardio. Want to start hitting the gym with me a couple times per week?"


You are assuming the Cardio is the problem versus the most likely reason. She doesn't want to have sex. Why a disconnect or resentment within the relationship. Like most the other marriages suffering from lack of sex. Then the second reason, cheating.

Just be OP thinks it's cardio doesn't mean it is.
It can be very hard for people to admit or see that the spouse is cheating or disconnected from them.
Has she asked him for years to do ..... to be ignored? (walk away wife)?
Is he a good lover? does she have an O? or is it something she does for him and she's done?
Does he and her still date? are they connected emotionally? What's her love language?


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## 342693 (Mar 2, 2020)

Did she just start working out like a mad woman or has this been her routine for awhile? If she just recently started, I would agree with others...she's working out either for someone else or to attract someone else. Classic sign of adulterous behavior. But if she's been doing this awhile like you said, she probably loves the adrenaline rush and it makes her feel good about herself.

Hate to be blunt, but are you in shape? Do you think you still turn her on? If not, you should start working out too. Ask her if you can join her or pick a time that works for you and work out. She will notice...heck, she may even get a little jealous and wonder why you're doing it, is there someone else, etc. 

She could be tired at the end of the day, but that's not an excuse for not wanting sex more than once a month. Women have needs just like us guys. Maybe it's the attraction thing or things in the bedroom have gotten boring or she's not getting pleasure. All things you should be able to discuss and work on.


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## Kaliber (Apr 10, 2020)

8 months ago you posted this:


Ants said:


> My wife and I have been married 17 years. We have 3 kids. We don’t have money problems. * But we both feel unloved in our marriage.* We fight a lot about parenting, chores, you name it. We struggle with communication and just having a civil conversation. We have a special needs child and that causes stress, kids are home for school also causes stress. Pandemic sucks so we can’t even go out any more...Has anyone rekindled the flame? If so, how was it done? I don’t think either one of us wants a divorce but we want to be happy again...


Looks like you have many problems not just sex!
You two are fighting over control and leadership at home!
Your marriage will not work long term, currently it's slowly falling apart!

You have 4 options:

*Option one:* Either you give her the leadership role this will result you not being attractive to her, you will be too feminine, and she will start looking else where!!
*Option two:* You take leadership role, she will fight you for it and causes lots of resentments or she will accept it, if she doesn't she will try to lock someone else have an affair or (exit affair), She needs to hand you the leadership role willingly else, if she doesn't respond to you, prepare to move on with your life, moving on might bring her back to you!!
*Option three:* You start planning your exit as a side effect she might come back to you!!
*Option four:* Except this is you life, and start using you hand in the toilet like a teenager, or go Monk mode!


Read ASAP:
The Married Man Sex Life Primer 2011 - Kindle edition by Kay, Athol. Health, Fitness & Dieting Kindle eBooks @ Amazon.com.



Good Luck!


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Kaliber said:


> 8 months ago you posted this:
> 
> Looks like you have many problems not just sex!
> You two are fighting over control and leadership at home!
> ...


********.

Just because they are fighting about parenting isn't a reason for her to give over "leadership" to HIM. Because he has a **** he automatically has the right ideas about parenting and gets to make the decisions??????????

**** no. How archaic and off putting.


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## romantic_dreamer (Jun 15, 2021)

When I am aroused and by some reason I cannot have sex with my wife (she is too tied to sick) and I do not want to masturbate to "save the energy" for real sex later, I am doing vigorous exercise so I am totally exhausted at the end. This is the only method for me to temporary suppress sexual urge.


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## hinterdir (Apr 17, 2018)

Ants said:


> Hello, I wanted to get some peoples perspectives on an issue I have. The perspective lm interested most is one of a female who loves to work out. My wife gets up extra early every morning and goes downstairs and works out hard. When I say works out, I mean ride the peloton for an hour, lift weights, does yoga and stretches.My wife and I are in our mid 40s and she is in very good shape. This is obviously a good thing. The reason I’m reaching out to get some advice is because I believe due to this rigorous routine she then is exhausted by the end of every day and has no interest in sex. We are now averaging about once a month. In the past we would have sex twice a week. I have tried talking to her about this and explain my perspective that due to her early rising and working out every single day she has no energy and time left for me or our sex life. She responded it’s her life and her choice and that’s that. She has no interest in changing. We’ve been married for 18 years and have three middle-age children. Any advice or additional perspective would be appreciated. Ants


Well, you've already addressed it and it sounds like she blew you off. 
All I can really suggest is to be blunt, persistent and stand up to her. 

By the way you've described it she is the one changing the relationship. You say it was 2 times per week....roughly 8 to 10 times a month to 1 time a month? That is a big change and you describe it totally being on her end. You are still initiating it and she is turning you down?

You need to get this out in the open, get plain facts and reality out into the open, you cannot let you brush this off, ignore her attempts to just shrug the issue off, you need to ignore her brush off attempts, stay on task, bluntly point out the obvious and tell her plainly how you feel. 
Point out plainly you two were intimate at a certain clip and that she is unilaterally changing the dynamic and frequency of sex and tell her honestly how you feel, you miss it, you miss her, you need to bond with her more regularly. Ask questions and keep asking until she gives you some answers. Why is she pulling back on sex? Tell her you are not ok with that. If she tells you that is what she is doing whether you like it or not then plainly call her out on that and tell her that you are plainly aware that she is telling you bluntly by words and deed that she only cares about herself, you've plainly brought a marital issue to her and she is plainly saying she doesn't care, she doesn't care how her husband feels or how it affects the marriage, she is making no attempt to work this out with you and find a solution, she has in deed shown that this is no longer a marriage she is a single person who just does whatever she wants and she happens to have a male roommate. Then at that point he have to decide what to do heading forward. 

In the meantime you just need to make sure you are making her feel loved based on whatever her primary love language is. You can't always expect her to be in the mood if you aren't romantic and you don't make her feel loved. 

Have the talk with her....don't accept any distractions or dismissals. Get answers to all of these questions and find out where you two really are and what each of you think and feel about this and what each of your expectation for the future are sexually.


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## Al_Bundy (Mar 14, 2021)

The problem is leverage, you don't have any. After 18yrs of marriage she's at a point where she can keep half (often more) of your assets without keeping you.

I mean seriously, you said your wife has bad knees and can't workout as intensely as she used to. You know this exercise excuse is bs, but it sure would be nice if that was it. Easy fix! But as others have said that's not the issue. The quicker you get rid of the comforting lies and face the cold truths the quicker this can get resolved one way or another. 

Another book suggestion: The Rational Male. Books 1 and 2

Good luck.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

I'm kind of like her. I was a collegiate athlete on scholarship (many moons ago!). 
I have in in my blood. There is a competitive drive that urges you towards your limits, even if you're only competing against yourself.
I can't run anymore either (torn meniscus both knees). I work out hard every day 90 minutes+.
My wife thinks I'm a fanatic and doesn't get it.

But!!!!!!!! It doesn't affect my sex drive at all, and a side benefit is it has staved off the ed at an age when
A lot of men my age have such struggles. The hard cardio work burns through all the vascular system and
Haven't failed to raise the mast for her in about 7 years. Ask my wife if she's happy about that.

So I agree with a lot of the others; I call bs on the excersize excuse.


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## No Longer Lonely Husband (Nov 3, 2015)

Numb26 said:


> She is working out because either she has somebody already or she is putting herself back on the market. Either way she is not doing it for him. What I said still stands


Amen from the choir. Experienced this first hand six years ago...truth! If anything, her libido should be higher.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

Ants said:


> Hello, I wanted to get some peoples perspectives on an issue I have. The perspective lm interested most is one of a female who loves to work out. My wife gets up extra early every morning and goes downstairs and works out hard. When I say works out, I mean ride the peloton for an hour, lift weights, does yoga and stretches.My wife and I are in our mid 40s and she is in very good shape. This is obviously a good thing. The reason I’m reaching out to get some advice is because I believe due to this rigorous routine she then is exhausted by the end of every day and has no interest in sex. We are now averaging about once a month. In the past we would have sex twice a week. I have tried talking to her about this and explain my perspective that due to her early rising and working out every single day she has no energy and time left for me or our sex life. She responded it’s her life and her choice and that’s that. She has no interest in changing. We’ve been married for 18 years and have three middle-age children. Any advice or additional perspective would be appreciated. Ants


She does not care about you, very apparent from her comments. Time to replace her. If she is looking all hot and fit....she has probably already replaced you. Sorry to say.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Your theory isn't right. Exercise routine invigorates people for sex. It's not that.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Mr.Married said:


> _*She is working out for someone else.*_


That's not necessarily true. I've known so many people who got the exercising bug (coworkers, extended family, and my own sister for instance) who took it more and more seriously as time went on. It had nothing to do with 'someone else' and everything to do with these people being driven and dedicated to their new healthy lifestyle. One guy I knew years ago had been grossly overweight and once he got to his goal, working out just became his passion. For my sister, it started with teaching classes at a gym to eventually becoming part-owner of her own gym.

Personally, I don't think there's a man on this damned planet worth doing an hour on a Peleton, but if I were a fitness freak, I'd probably do that hour for ME, not for "someone else."


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## No Longer Lonely Husband (Nov 3, 2015)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> That's not necessarily true. I've known so many people who got the exercising bug (coworkers, extended family, and my own sister for instance) who took it more and more seriously as time went on. It had nothing to do with 'someone else' and everything to do with these people being driven and dedicated to their new healthy lifestyle. One guy I knew years ago had been grossly overweight and once he got to his goal, working out just became his passion. For my sister, it started with teaching classes at a gym to eventually becoming part-owner of her own gym.
> 
> Personally, I don't think there's a man on this damned planet worth doing an hour on a Peleton, but if I were a fitness freak, I'd probably do that hour for ME, not for "someone else."


Aw. Come on now. There must be someone out there you would do this for LOL.


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

Just go back and look at his other thread. They are the parents of a special needs child. They argue and are disconnected. Most women don't 'feel' like having sex under these circumstances.

He can kick her to the curb but make sure to file for full custody so you don't have to argue anymore with your wife.


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

Anastasia6 said:


> Just go back and look at his other thread. They are the parents of a special needs child. They argue and are disconnected. Most women don't 'feel' like having sex under these circumstances.
> 
> He can kick her to the curb but make sure to file for full custody so you don't have to argue anymore with your wife.


That's what I did!


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

DownByTheRiver said:


> Your theory isn't right. Exercise routine invigorates people for sex. It's not that.


Not necessarily true. A hard exercise routine can wipe sone people out energetically by the end of the day.


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

Having a child with special needs can put a real strain on a marriage. I’ve read MANY threads of BHs here and on SI that had kids with special needs. To me that stood out because the number of threads seemed to be outsized in comparison to their share of the population.


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## Ants (Sep 12, 2020)

D0nnivain said:


> Do some research on how many calories are burned through sex & present it to her as an aerobic work out.


I like how u think!,,


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## Ants (Sep 12, 2020)

jsmart said:


> Having a child with special needs can put a real strain on a marriage. I’ve read MANY threads of BHs here and on SI that had kids with special needs. To me that stood out because the number of threads seemed to be outsized in comparison to their share of the population.


Jsmart, I didn’t say anything about a special needs child? Where did this come from? Just curious.


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

Ants said:


> Jsmart, I didn’t say anything about a special needs child? Where did this come from? Just curious.





Ants said:


> My wife and I have been married 17 years. We have 3 kids. We don’t have money problems. But we both feel unloved in our marriage. We fight a lot about parenting, chores, you name it. We struggle with communication and just having a civil conversation. *We have a special needs child and that causes stress*, kids are home for school also causes stress. Pandemic sucks so we can’t even go out any more...Has anyone rekindled the flame? If so, how was it done? I don’t think either one of us wants a divorce but we want to be happy again...


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## bacon (Jun 1, 2012)

Mr.Married said:


> She is working out for someone else.


This happened to me.. once she got her body back, she started attracting coworkers.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

bacon said:


> This happened to me.. once she got her body back, she started attracting coworkers.


Which wouldn't be a problem if someone has good boundaries and values their marriage.


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

Ants said:


> Jsmart, I didn’t say anything about a special needs child? Where did this come from? Just curious.


Ants, another poster @Kaliber quoted your last thread.
If that is wrong, I apologize. Did not mean to offend.


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## bkyln309 (Feb 1, 2015)

I’m a person who works out hard everyday. It’s not for someone else. It’s for me- for my mental and physical health. It’s something I enjoy and it relaxes me. Am i tired from it more and more as I age? Yes but I’m not going to stop something I have been doing since the 80s. My partner and I had to adjust to an earlier sex schedule. No easy task with teens in the house. He knows if he wants sex, it’s not happening after 9 pm if i was up at 4 am working out.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Kaliber (Apr 10, 2020)

Ants said:


> Jsmart, I didn’t say anything about a special needs child? Where did this come from? Just curious.


You posted 8 months ago:


Ants said:


> We have a special needs child and that causes stress, kids are home for school also causes stress.


Here: Unloved


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## hamadryad (Aug 30, 2020)

A couple of things here....

I am someone that not only trains hard 5/6 days a week at the gym, but works in an industry where even though I am the boss, we work in the elements, some days I will have lifted thousands of pounds around... It's not a desk job...It's _very physical work_, and I am well into my 50's....If I want sex, there is no way that I would be too tired for it...._No way._..

It's not like digging a ditch or cracking rocks all day in the heat...Its sex...Even a good session won't gas a fit person in the least bit....

I may be a bit of an outlier, and no two people are the same, but I just don't see the whole "I am too tired for sex" angle here ..I mean, think about it, I don't care how hard she trains, If she gets her workout done in the AM, I assume she isn't out killing herself all day like this idiot(me), after that, right? So that would mean she should easily have the energy to get laid in the evening....that's if she wanted to....

She's using it as an excuse....That's my contention..She either doesn't want it with the OP, or doesn't want it, period....Of at best, she can take it or leave it....

There is one possibility, though, although I doubt it in this case, but it is worth noting....Women and men that do too much cardio(or merely over train), will suffer significant drop in libido....Most of this is due to the effect excess cardio has on test levels....I never understood the whole thinking around this endless cardio, be it running, cycling, etc...I do a limited amount of cardio, but focus more on resistance training and high intensity short burst type of cardio...

Who knows what's going on in her head....I don't think it's fair to think she is out looking for dyck, that's why she is into fitness...A lot of insecure guys assume this...It's often not true, and without any proof of that, I wouldn't just assume it, if she isn't into sex, or can take it or leave it...


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

Ants said:


> Hello, I wanted to get some peoples perspectives on an issue I have. The perspective lm interested most is one of a female who loves to work out. My wife gets up extra early every morning and goes downstairs and works out hard. When I say works out, I mean ride the peloton for an hour, lift weights, does yoga and stretches.My wife and I are in our mid 40s and she is in very good shape. This is obviously a good thing. The reason I’m reaching out to get some advice is because I believe due to this rigorous routine she then is exhausted by the end of every day and has no interest in sex. We are now averaging about once a month. In the past we would have sex twice a week. I have tried talking to her about this and explain my perspective that due to her early rising and working out every single day she has no energy and time left for me or our sex life. She responded it’s her life and her choice and that’s that. She has no interest in changing. We’ve been married for 18 years and have three middle-age children. Any advice or additional perspective would be appreciated. Ants


Try reading The Married Man Sex Life Primer.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

So are you a liar or not ? Do you have a special needs kid ?


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## Kaliber (Apr 10, 2020)

BigDaddyNY said:


> Try reading The Married Man Sex Life Primer.


And never tell your wife you're reading it!


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## MEA (Jul 12, 2021)

When I work out frequently, it actually gives me more energy and boosts my sex drive a little bit. Is your wife in perimenopause? Or menopause?

Also, are you staying in great shape too? Being in great shape while married to a fat, lazy partner is deflating. My ex was that guy. Even if with injury or illness a person can control food intake.

I would not call your wife OCD for working out daily. It’s no more OCD than any other daily activity that a person enjoys. She obviously has always been an athlete and will always enjoy being active - nothing wrong with that.
The problem is the lack of sex, which is completely unrelated to her exercise routine.

Without more detail, it’s up to the OP to solve this mystery.


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## C.C. says ... (Aug 1, 2020)

Mr.Married said:


> So are you a liar or not ? Do you have a special needs kid ?


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## Ants (Sep 12, 2020)

Anastasia6 said:


> You are assuming the Cardio is the problem versus the most likely reason. She doesn't want to have sex. Why a disconnect or resentment within the relationship. Like most the other marriages suffering from lack of sex. Then the second reason, cheating.
> 
> Just be OP thinks it's cardio doesn't mean it is.
> It can be very hard for people to admit or see that the spouse is cheating or disconnected from them.
> ...


To answer-I am very giving in bed. She does not always have an O but it’s not from lack of trying with oral, toys and PIV. We go on date nights 2-3 times per month. Her love languages are acts and gifts. She has never complained about our sex life before.


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## Ants (Sep 12, 2020)

jsmart said:


> Ants, another poster @Kaliber quoted your last thread.
> If that is wrong, I apologize. Did not mean to offend.


No, it is correct. I just did not expect people to go backwards and read old thread. Kudos to u for doing your homework.


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## Kaliber (Apr 10, 2020)

@Ants, did you get the book?


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

Ants said:


> No, it is correct. I just did not expect people to go backwards and read old thread. Kudos to u for doing your homework.


We do that because context helps.
In the earlier post you can see the things most likely effecting your sex life. Has any of that changed?


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Nobody's mentioned lowering the thermostat yet? I'll do it...


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Nope. Frankly an hour of Pelton doesn't impress me.

I run 30-40 miles a week, ride about 130 a week, and lift some weights. Been running 32 years and riding a few.

I'm also 47 and in perimenopause and am still good for sex a few times a week, but I also really like my bf and really want him.

Granted all women are different but her workout routine, while nice, isn't thar hard core.

So something else is going on. If you do indeed have a special needs child she's homeschooling I'd start there. 

Someone else is always possible, but I will throw out that for ne the training is partly to be strong and look good but also for my mental health. She doesn't necessarily have to be in shape for someone else.


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## FloridaGuy1 (Nov 4, 2019)

lifeistooshort said:


> Nope. Frankly an hour of Pelton doesn't impress me.
> 
> I run 30-40 miles a week, ride about 130 a week, and lift some weights. Been running 32 years and riding a few.
> 
> ...


Lets face it, I think the exercise is just an excuse not to have sex. My wife has several different excuses but they are just that...excuses.

She is not necessarily seeing someone else or ****ing somone else, maybe she just no longer likes sex. It can happen to both men and women and no matter what book someone reads or how great shape they are in, their spouse just doesn't want sex. Sometimes no matter what YOU do, your partner still has no interest.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

FloridaGuy1 said:


> Lets face it, I think the exercise is just an excuse not to have sex. My wife has several different excuses but they are just that...excuses.
> 
> She is not necessarily seeing someone else or ****ing somone else, maybe she just no longer likes sex. It can happen to both men and women and no matter what book someone reads or how great shape they are in, their spouse just doesn't want sex. Sometimes no matter what YOU do, your partner still has no interest.


That's right, but if you do all the things you need to do to make yourself better and be a better husband and you still don't get the sexual satisfaction and sexual interest from your wife then you have to make a decision. Marriage without sex is just an overly complicated friendship/roommate agreement. No sex (which I consider once a month basically no sex) in a mutually agreed to monogamous relationship is only one small step better than cheating. Unless there is a medical issues your spouse will desire sex with someone, maybe just not you.


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## Ants (Sep 12, 2020)

Anastasia6 said:


> We do that because context helps.
> In the earlier post you can see the things most likely effecting your sex life. Has any of that changed?


Yes, our relationship has gotten better. Special needs child had surgery and now more independent. Huge help. We have recommitted to our marriage sinc3 then.


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## Davidmidwest (Nov 22, 2016)

Ants said:


> Hello, I wanted to get some peoples perspectives on an issue I have. The perspective lm interested most is one of a female who loves to work out. My wife gets up extra early every morning and goes downstairs and works out hard. When I say works out, I mean ride the peloton for an hour, lift weights, does yoga and stretches.My wife and I are in our mid 40s and she is in very good shape. This is obviously a good thing. The reason I’m reaching out to get some advice is because I believe due to this rigorous routine she then is exhausted by the end of every day and has no interest in sex. We are now averaging about once a month. In the past we would have sex twice a week. I have tried talking to her about this and explain my perspective that due to her early rising and working out every single day she has no energy and time left for me or our sex life. She responded it’s her life and her choice and that’s that. She has no interest in changing. We’ve been married for 18 years and have three middle-age children. Any advice or additional perspective would be appreciated. Ants
> 
> Dig deeper, she is on the way out and has a man in sight. If she was anywhere close to being obese a few years ago-you are finished with her. dumpt her and move. Make provisions that you take all you can before you leave. Your life just got fudged for the next 30 unless you are a high wage earner. Make your escape now while you have smarts. Dont be stupid. Read the Ratioinal Male, and take the red pill I could say that-why don't you get up and exercise with her, Seduce her, take her on dates, and read up on Gottman relationship materil. Oh, when you get up and excerise with your in the morning-after one month. Try taking her there in the workout room. Make champaigne in there-take no for an answer. God states that each others bodies for for their wife and husband and should neither deny. If you love her fight for her by pulling out the stops like you did when you first met. Or get out. Read Making marrriage work by Gottman, and pick up Dr. Laura's Proper care of feediing of marriage and husbands. Both read it. Audio
> CDs to listen together with are better. Good luck.


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## Davidmidwest (Nov 22, 2016)

jsmart said:


> Sure she’s worked out her whole life but now she’s upped her efforts and is doing a different type of workout at the same time that she’s sexually cutting you off. That is some seriously midlife crisis type of actions.
> 
> You would be blown away at the number of threads that we get on TAM that start off with your scenario that end up being an affair. you would also be surprised at the number of BHs that believe their shy, religious, conservative, etc wife are not capable of such a betrayal but turn out to be very wanton for their OM. I’m not talking about the vanilla duty sex that is doled out a few times a month.
> 
> The cliche about its always the quiet ones is sadly too often true. Check her phone, tablet, laptop, IG, FB, email, etc. look at the deleted files and search for pics in a privacy section. Yep, that’s right, little ms conservative wife are often sending nudes and videos showing off the new body.


Hi if she was fat six months before getting fit and looking good. Expect to be dumped.She is monkey jumpiing. take heed and prepare. You are going to lose 1/2 of everything you worked for to start a family and keeo a life with someone you love who doesn't love you. When you get no sex- your fudged.


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## snerg (Apr 10, 2013)

Ants said:


> Hello, I wanted to get some peoples perspectives on an issue I have. The perspective lm interested most is one of a female who loves to work out. My wife gets up extra early every morning and goes downstairs and works out hard. When I say works out, I mean ride the peloton for an hour, lift weights, does yoga and stretches.My wife and I are in our mid 40s and she is in very good shape. This is obviously a good thing. The reason I’m reaching out to get some advice is because I believe due to this rigorous routine she then is exhausted by the end of every day and has no interest in sex. We are now averaging about once a month. In the past we would have sex twice a week. I have tried talking to her about this and explain my perspective that due to her early rising and working out every single day she has no energy and time left for me or our sex life. *She responded it’s her life and her choice and that’s that. She has no interest in changing.* We’ve been married for 18 years and have three middle-age children. Any advice or additional perspective would be appreciated. Ants


This is a lot more simple than the thread is making it to be.

She is correct. It is her life. It is her choice. This is her want and she is perfectly in her rights to be this way.

You, are perfectly in rights to say *NO *and walk away from this.

This comes down to:
1) What *YOU *want
2) What *YOU *are willing to accept
3) What *YOU *are willing to do (i.e walk away)


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## johndoe12299 (Jul 12, 2021)

"headache", "Period", "tired" etc are all excuses that wives make to not have sex. They are EXCUSES. Like others said, exercise isn't the issue here. You gotta figure out why she isn't interested in having sex with YOU. Your marriage is on the rocks man and you are blinded by her "conservatism". Step it up and figure it out!


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