# Is he just not into me?



## marigold115 (May 11, 2015)

I was married for 32 years and recently got divorced, so dating is a whole new ballgame for me. I recently fell in love with a man who has been married twice and has a LOT of former girlfriends. He is a very outgoing and flirtatious person who people are drawn to. That's the good news. The bad news is that early on in our relationship, I discovered he'd been dating other women or seeking other women out when he told me we were exclusive. We got past that, and he says he loves me. But...
He gets frequent texts from his ex-wives and several women "friends." Some are ex-girlfriends, some are women he's known for a while, some are women he's recently met. Like I said, people are drawn to him.
My question is...am I being overly sensitive to let these texts bother me? It seems to me that if you're in a relationship, you don't carry on continuous text conversations with other people of the opposite sex. Is that too old fashioned? Beside the point of flirtation, it seems really disrespectful to me as his girlfriend. We've discussed this several times, and he knows how much it bothers me, yet insists the women are just friends and he doesn't want to hurt their feelings by not responding. (Never mind that he sometimes initiates a text thread.) Btw--I'm not even sure any of them know he is dating someone seriously.
I do think he loves me, but I'm not sure I can get past this issue. Am I wrong to let this bother me? Does this sound like a healthy relationship?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

How long have you been dating him?

Has he introduced you to his friends and family?

He sounds like he's very into himself. 

Why would you continue to date someone how told you that your relationship was exclusive, but then he continued to date others. We call that cheating.

The idea of dating is to find out if a person is the right one. You found out that he's not. But you still want to force the relationship. 

It's time to move on.


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## *LittleDeer* (Apr 19, 2012)

He doesn't wat to hurt their feelings... However he will hurt yours- the woman he is supposed to love? Hmmm


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## Jane139 (Jan 6, 2015)

Did you by chance ask him to be exclusive? And maybe he agreed, when he did not really mean it, or want it? Or was it his idea?

Either way, it sounds to me like he can't limit himself to one woman at a time. Probably a lot of men would not be able to, if they have a number of woman eager to be in touch with him in one way or another.

You may want to cut your losses before you find out he is cheating again. Or at least not get more involved than you already are. Sounds like a heartbreak waiting to happen.


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

Bottom line he is not giving you the type of relationship you want, obviously he likes women and isn't about to chose you over any others. The proof is in his actions, don't ignore what you see.

He may claim to love you but it doesn't sound like you are all that "special" to him, sorry if that stings but that's the answer to your question as I see it.


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## marigold115 (May 11, 2015)

EleGirl said:


> How long have you been dating him?
> We've been dating for 6 months.
> 
> Has he introduced you to his friends and family Yes.
> ...


I agree. Thank you for your reply.


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## thread the needle (May 4, 2015)

Some charismatic people cant do what you are asking. He is one of them. That attention is what fuels them. The relationship you are asking for isn't available from him.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

You need to RUN.


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## SamuraiJack (May 30, 2014)

3Xnocharm said:


> You need to RUN.


I think a slow jog will be sufficient...he wont notice you are gone until he takes his eyes off the mirror. :smthumbup:


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

I think the writing was on the wall when he lied to you about being exclusive with you yet was still going out with other women. 

That undoubtedly plays a part in how you feel with his continuous contact with other women and exes - it's because he has earned that feeling of wondering "what if" by his actions. 

Seems like you are super into him which no doubt makes it worse because it seems like this guy is not a one-woman kind of man. He has shown you this.



Cooper said:


> Bottom line he is not giving you the type of relationship you want, obviously he likes women and isn't about to chose you over any others. The proof is in his actions, don't ignore what you see.
> 
> He may claim to love you but it doesn't sound like you are all that "special" to him, sorry if that stings but that's the answer to your question as I see it.


I like this response a lot.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Toss this one back. There are plenty of fish in the sea. Get rid of this player.

Time to pack it up, move along.


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## zillard (Nov 13, 2012)

*LittleDeer* said:


> He doesn't wat to hurt their feelings... However he will hurt yours- the woman he is supposed to love? Hmmm


It doesn't matter how long you've been out of the dating world. It doesn't matter if you are "old fashioned" or not. 

Respect is respect. 

He doesn't respect you. 

Next.


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## Morcoll (Apr 22, 2015)

Marigold, you are not in contact with him now, correct? Moving on?


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