# Divorce with kids?



## Nerd (Feb 15, 2013)

I've been married for almost 3 years now and it seems our marriage has yet to get better. We have 2 children together and I have another from a previous relationship. So three children total. 

Currently we are living with my in-laws because I/we can't afford to have our own place. We could afford a home, but my wife is against living anywhere considered a ghetto. So we're stuck living with her parents until we can afford a home she will live in. 

No matter how hard I work It still seems I'm not doing enough to provide for my family. I have a 9-5 job, with a 3 hour daily commute to work from her parents house. So when I get home at 630 I have just enough time to woof down dinner then I start the routine of bathing the kids and then putting them to bed. They are all in bed by 830-9oclock. After that we get our time together. Which to say the least is not a lot of time. On Valentines day my wife get mad at me for taking to long in putting the kids to bed. After they were in bed I showered, and got cleaned up and was downstairs by 8:45. It was the start of a bad night. 

Red Flag #1
My wife and my daughter from a previous relationship. My wife is jealous about her. She is constantly thinking that I'm putting my daughter ahead of our other children and her. (Funny thing is that my daughters mother thinks I put the other children ahead of our daughter.) I have always viewed my children as the same and will do everything in my power to love them equally. One thing that stood out was when my wife told me she could never love my other daughter as much as she loves her children. My daughter only comes over every other weekend and my wife acts like it's such a burden to have her at our place. 

Red Flag #2
My sex life consists of myself and myself alone. I don't have a sex life with my wife. We have children together, but I can count on my hands the number of times we've had sex in the past 2 years. Im pleasing my self 2-3 times a day just to get over the urge. It's not that I'm not attracted to my wife. She is the most beautiful woman in the world. We have NEVER orally pleased each other. She told me that she would only do that with the man she married. I was okay with waiting. When it came time to push our sex life past the normal missionary position and try oral, she started crying and telling me she couldn't do it! This was on our wedding night! Since then it has been the same thing, she will not do it and if I bring it up she gets pissed and says I'm trying to force her to do something she doesn't like. 

Red Flag#3
She does not get along with my family. Before we were married there was a series of events where my wife and various members of my family had verbal altercations. It even lead to close members of my family not coming to our wedding out of spite for my wife.  My wife is constantly putting down my side of the family. I try to keep my mouth shut when she does this, but she often uses that as ammunition when we fight. 

Red Flag#4
I keep thinking about getting out of our marriage. I'm not happy with her. I'm depressed every time I come home and have to see her. I'm not afraid of her, it feels like I'm walking on egg shells and anything I say will set her off. The only thing keeping me there is the kids. I see my one daughter every other weekend. I'm fearful that that will happen to our other two children. I hate the idea of being an every other weekend dad. Plus my oldest daughter will be separated from her two siblings. 

Please offer any two cent you can. There are two sides to every story and I'm sure if my wife could say some terrible things about me also. 

Thanks,
Nerd


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## caladan (Nov 2, 2012)

I played (currently play) the nesting game - I live in the basement, the kids and the ex live in the house. If I got kicked out, we would lose the house and the great school district, besides she's extremely reasonable and we parted on good terms, so my situation is different.

However, I think you need to have a conversation with her. You're a p*ssy whipped husband who gets no p*ssy. This is a relationship, you need to lay down the law, probably should have done that before the marriage. Have a conversation, dictate terms. Be cold, be unemotional. Lay down the facts, lay down what you can't handle and ffs, don't get flustered - she may cry, scream, or otherwise try to browbeat you, be firm.
I recomment you find a friend who's place you can crash at beforehand, she may kick you out. One way or another, you can't be in a relationship where someone dictates the terms, that's just not on. It's not healthy. And trust me - the kids will pick up on your frustration.


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