# Very little sex, and no variety, looking for some thoughts, not sure what to do.



## My_Username (Aug 26, 2021)

I'm sure this has been discussed a million times here. This might get lengthy, so I apologize...

This is my situation. My wife and I will be married 18 years in May of 2022. I'm 44, and she's 51. We have one child, who is a teenager.

Our sex life used to be so much better than it is now. When we first married, we were having sex almost daily. Of course, then I was in my late 20's and she was in her early-mid 30's and we were trying to conceive. Even after that, though, our sex life was still rather good throughout the pregnancy and even for a while after. We even had sex just a few days before she went into labor. We'd still end up having sex three or four (sometimes more) times per week. I know many people don't approve of pre-marital sex, but even when we were dating and in a serious, monogamous relationship before marriage, we'd have sex several times a week.

For the past few years, though, it seems like we literally have sex about once a month, and on "special occasions" (birthday, valentine's day, new years, anniversary, that sort of thing), and it's incredibly frustrating to me, to the point where I'll literally have to _fantasize about her, and things I'd like to do with her, while masturbating_. Our sex life used to be much more "playful" too.

We have to use condoms, because she tried birth control pills years ago (before she met me, back when she was in college), had a bad reaction, and hasn't used them since. So we've been using condoms, which I'm no longer a fan of, and I'm considering a no-scalpel vasectomy. She should (I would hope) be OK with that. And if I get it, I hope that means no more condoms.

And admittedly, I don't last as long as I'd like, either, but that's a different discussion.

We think she's going through perimenopause, and she has fibroids, too. So I don't know if that's part of the problem (or _the_ problem). Maybe it's not as pleasurable for her as it used to be. I don't know.

We're both considered overweight, but I *don't* make that an issue at all. In fact, I tell my wife that she is indeed sexy and attractive to me. I've actually told her that I *want* to see her naked in those instances.

Not only has our sex life contracted _*substantially*_ in the past few years, so has the *variety*. I want the variety and spark back, but don't know what to do. I think she's a bit sensitive (and sometimes can be rather headstrong) about certain things, so I don't know what to do there.

I'm going to try to type this next section as sensitively as possible

I basically want *more* than essentially "missionary with the lights off", which is almost what our sex life has turned into, in the rare occasions we do have sex. I don't think I ask for anything unreasonable, sex-wise, and I don't think I ever have. It's very frustrating for me, because there are certain things I like doing (sucking and fondling her breasts, for instance) that happen extremely rarely, that I'd like to do more often. I try, believe me I try, but I don't usually push it. If she pushes my hand away, I don't really push it. It makes me wonder sometimes if she's even *interested *in sex anymore. Oftentimes it's either that she's "too tired" or she's menstruating. Or she just, for whatever reason, just doesn't seem interested. I wonder if she even still gets aroused. I think she does, because she didn't see me, but she was in our bedroom the other day, under the blanket, and I think I noticed her masturbating.

There are a couple of things that she has unequivocally said are off-limits from the beginning of our relationship. One of which I agree with (neither of us is a fan of anal sex, and neither of us has ever tried it), one of which I have actually wanted to try, but I know she absolutely doesn't want me to do it, so I don't even ask or mention it.

We home school, and I work full time. I think she does have sleep problems, but she seems to be "too tired" or "didn't sleep well" quite often.

And whatever ailments she may have, she absolutely refuses to go to a doctor to get them checked out. Not only in that area, but also in others. She likely needs glasses, but she's unwilling to go to a doctor to get checked out. She says she's worried a doctor might discover something bad, and she "wouldn't do anything about it anyway" in that case. She also doesn't shave her pubic area anymore. She used to when we were dating, and through the first few years of our marriage. But that's a different story.

We used to play an "intimacy" game, too. That's out the window. While we were playing that one, I actually bought another hoping she'd play it, too. She refused, and wouldn't even try to play it. That was seven or eight years ago.

There are positions and other things we don't even do anymore, either. We used to do "from behind" (I'm not sure what terminology to use on this site, as I'm keeping this as sensitive as possible, and don't know what terminology is acceptable yet), and her on top facing me and facing away from me, and sometimes laying on our sides or both of us sitting up. None of that anymore.

Also, there are other things she/we used to do, but we don't anymore. Like oral sex. I can't remember the last time one of us performed it on the other, or we performed it on each other at the same time. I've tried to initiate performing oral sex on her, but she resists, so I don't push it. Also, occasionally we'd do "mammary intercourse", but I honestly don't remember the last time we did that, either.

I don't know if it's an "I can't" or an "I don't want to" thing (sometimes I think those things can sound very similar), but I wish she'd tell me, because she *used to be able to* (and she used to _want to_), so I don't know what's going on there. I think she read some kind of article about some sort of tenuous (at best, based on my reading) connection with oral sex and throat cancer, and decided not to do it anymore. Maybe I'm not good at it and she just doesn't want to tell me.

Unfortunately, I don't know if she's even open to alternatives, like manual stimulation. I try to do that with her, too, during foreplay, and get my hand pushed away. Our foreplay is generally *just* kissing, because if I get too close to her breasts or her vagina with my hand, it gets pushed away. Sometimes that only lasts a couple of minutes, and then she'll just look at me and say, "Thingy?" (referencing the condom).

I'm extremely reluctant to say *anything* about manual stimulation, because I'm getting so little sex as it is, but she doesn't even really _offer._ I would offer, but I have a feeling she'd just say no, and that would be the end of it.

I'm almost always the one that initiates the sex, too. Maybe she looks at it now as more of an "obligation" rather than a "want to". I can't really even remember the last time she actually _initiated_ sex other than just turning on the bedroom light. I don't really consider that "initiating sex".

I really don't know what the deal is. I don't feel like I can really mention any of this to her because I know it'll upset her, but I don't want to be trapped in a near-sexless marriage, either. I'm *way* too young for that. I don't know if this is something that is _temporary_ because she's in perimenopause, or what.

Thanks for "listening". Any thoughts here?


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

My_Username said:


> I don't feel like I can really mention any of this to her because I know it'll upset her


Your situation may not improve either way, but it certainly won't improve if you keep this up. You need to put your big boy pants on and have a serious conversation with her. You're married, you need to communicate.


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## HappilyMarried1 (Jul 21, 2021)

I hate that you find yourself in this situation @My_Username 

However, as stated above your situation has no chance to ever improve if you don't sit your wife down and have a face to face serious talk about your intimate part of your relationship. It seems from you post that this has been going on for a number of years with no change trying to be subtle about it. It would be best you just lay your cards on the table what you need and desire and point blank ask her why she no longer feels the desire to be intimate with you (don't take I don't know for an answer)

I would say firmly with love that you need more from the marriage than you are currently getting and will do anything on your end to make things better,but its a two way street and that you will not continue on the way it currently is. Best of luck!


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

It may be a combination of everything. At her age, she may literally not be at all comfortable in any positions where she's on her knees or has to support herself even with arms. People do deteriorate beginning in middle age. 

She has fibroids. That's uncomfortable. She is certainly at an age she could be overall just not feeling sexual as much or as often. But you two have been married a long time, and sad fact is that over time, a lot of women and some men do lose the passion they maybe once had. Women seem to miss that more than me, who are usually happy to have sex under just about any circumstances. But with women, they need things to be right emotionally. 

Did I miss it? Why are you wearing a condom if she's 51? Unlikely she could ever get pregnant. She surely is in the menopause zone though, and I find it curious that a lot of men just don't get what that means to sexual desire. Hormone therapy isn't any kind of "horny drug" either. And with fibroids, she probably does not need to be on them. She may feel better post-menopause because of her fibroids. Sometimes they diminish. 

I think you just have to accept reality, maybe stay on top of how she's feeling and talk to her about it out of bed when things are friendly and caring and see if you can find out if she's worried about health, that sort of thing. She also may be self-conscious about her growing body or put off by yours, even though you've been great about that.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

I had large fibroids that eventually led to a hysterectomy but they never caused discomfort. I doubt that is the cause.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

A friend of mine had them and she had times she was very painful with them, but then she had times they didn't bother her, too, and she had a high sex drive. I've only had little ones and I found them painful.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

DownByTheRiver said:


> A friend of mine had them and she had times she was very painful with them, but then she had times they didn't bother her, too, and she had a high sex drive. I've only had little ones and I found them painful.


Mine were in the womb and v large. Never felt them.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Diana7 said:


> Mine were in the womb and v large. Never felt them.


Good! I think mine were in the tubes, and I think my friend's were real big and definitely in the tubes but probably elsewhere as well. Big mess. Mine didn't need any treatment though. I take hormones, and I think they just diminished.


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## ElwoodPDowd (Aug 25, 2021)

My_Username said:


> We have to use condoms, because she tried birth control pills years ago (before she met me, back when she was in college), had a bad reaction, and hasn't used them since. So we've been using condoms, which I'm no longer a fan of, and I'm considering a no-scalpel vasectomy. She should (I would hope) be OK with that. And if I get it, I hope that means no more condoms.


She's 51, you don't need condoms or a vasectomy, she can't get pregnant.
Most women are infertile by their early 40s.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

My_Username said:


> I'm sure this has been discussed a million times here. This might get lengthy, so I apologize...
> 
> This is my situation. My wife and I will be married 18 years in May of 2022. I'm 44, and she's 51. We have one child, who is a teenager.
> 
> ...


Communication is the key. You have to tell her how you feel and how import sex is to you. I've told my wife outright that I couldn't live with once or twice a month. It is too important to my intimate connection to her. She is 53 and I am 50 by the way. 

On the contraceptive thing. Why can't you use some other non-hormonal birth control like spermicidal jelly? Condoms suck. I am so lucky, I've used a condom maybe 4 or 5 times in my entire life. Get rid of them if at all possible. 

My wife had major issues with fibroids over the last few years. They were giving her incredibly heavy periods, pain during sex in certain positions, pressure, etc. We tried a couple different procedures. Finally an embolization procedure did the trick. The procedure basically starves the fibroids of blood so they die off. It was an incredible success. All of her problems were gone within a month or so. 6 months later and all has been great, including no shortage of sex. Get any health issues your wife has addressed. Good sex requires good health. 

I suggest you read the book _*The Married Man Sex Life Primer by Athol Kay*_. It is a great book that gives you a straight forward blueprint for getting more sex in your relationship. Honestly I saw most of it as common sense, but as they say it isn't so common. The book is big on focusing on yourself. Do things to improve yourself. You can't really control what your wife does, but if you make yourself more attractive in general to everyone, it will have an effect on her too. It is a must read in my opinion. 

I have also gotten a lot of useful information from a site call Uncovering Intimacy. There are lots of good articles about communicating with your spouse, understanding the different types of desire, etc. This was one article that was really useful. I'm always the one that initiates sex. My wife is usually receptive, but of course not always. She wasn't always kind when turning me down. I'm pretty thick skinned so not really a big deal once in a while, but the art of rejection is important for keeping both partners from felling animosity over getting rejected. That site was great for helping my wife understand what I feel like when I get rejected by her and it helped her develop better ways of rejecting me. It may sound silly, but these little things can add up to big improvements. The site is Christian based, but not fanatical. Honestly their take is pretty mush anything okay so long as it is between husband and wife in a monogamous marriage. There are lots of others there, but these links I find very useful. 









Responsive vs spontaneous desire - Uncovering Intimacy


Yesterday I wrote about arousal non-concordance and how sometimes our body’s arousal doesn’t match up with our mind’s arousal. How it can be that your mind might want sex, but your body isn’t ready. Or the opposite can happen. Unfortunately, this confuses a lot of women




www.uncoveringintimacy.com












Desire vs. willingness - Uncovering Intimacy


Yesterday I promised I’d write a post on desire vs. willingness, because, again, this is a topic I’ve mentioned many times, but never devoted a post to. Our society teaches us that we shouldn’t have sex unless we desire it. In movies, both of the




www.uncoveringintimacy.com












Being more skilled at rejection - Uncovering Intimacy


Want to know how to reject your spouse in a way that doesn't hurt their feelings but ensures they don't ask for sex again? Become more skilled at rejection.




www.uncoveringintimacy.com












Dealing with passive rejection - Uncovering Intimacy


I received this question yesterday through our anonymous Have A Question page: When ever I ask my wife for sex she doesn’t say no but she just says she has to do a few things out side and then she will be right back but




www.uncoveringintimacy.com












What do couples do when one wants sex and the other doesn't? - Uncovering Intimacy


Curiuos what other couples do when one spouse is in the mood and the other isn't? We were too. Here's what we learned of our survey of over 1300 spouses.




www.uncoveringintimacy.com


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Chiming in also on the condoms at her age of 51.

Just no.


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## anonfrank (Apr 18, 2013)

Adding to the chorus…she’s 51, you don’t need condoms or a vasectomy. My wife hasn’t had a period in over eight years, and it’s been that long since I used a condom.

And talk to her directly. If my headstrong wife with bipolar and I can speak clearly about our sex life (and we do, we are both early 50’s with moderate-high sex drive), anybody can.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

if she can't say the word "condom" how can they have any conversation about sex?


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

My_Username said:


> I'm sure this has been discussed a million times here. This might get lengthy, so I apologize...
> 
> This is my situation. My wife and I will be married 18 years in May of 2022. I'm 44, and she's 51. We have one child, who is a teenager.
> 
> ...


Read Married Man Sex Life Primer and No More Mr Nice Guy. You need to get your balls back from her and make it clear what you want and she is either on board with it or she can continue being a refusing wife. May need to go on down tge road. Age has nothing to do with it. My wife is 53 and im 49, sex 4-5× a week.


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## My_Username (Aug 26, 2021)

A lot to unpack here from everyone. Let me tackle a few.

1. About the condoms and other forms of birth control. She's very "risk averse", and remember, she's still menstruating. My (and her) understanding is that even during perimenopause a woman can still get pregnant. Sometimes her periods are very heavy, too. I don't know if this is a result of the fibroids or what, but she's still menstruating, so there's that. It's a "risk" thing. She even mentioned not using those "extra thin" condoms the other day because she doesn't want to risk one breaking and, to paraphrase, "risk a baby at <her> age".

2. Health. As I stated originally, she essentially doesn't want to go to doctor of any kind. I guess due to family history or whatever? She went during the pregnancy, obviously, and I think she's been one other time after that in the course of our marriage. She's afraid they'll find something bad, and she "won't do anything about it anyway". I'm paraphrasing, but you get the general idea. I'm scheduling some doctor's appointments later this year myself, for me.

3. I (sort of) understand what perimenopause and menopause do to sex drives. Based on reading and my limited knowledge. That said, sometimes it seems like she makes zero effort. Maybe that's the (lack of) sex drive, I don't know. As I also said, I don't recall the last time she actually _initiated_ sex. I also understand that there are hormonal changes that occur. I wonder if that has to do with the lack of oral sex, too. I don't know. Apparently her taste buds have changed, and she's more sensitive to smells, because there are also things that she can't eat now that she used to be able to. That doesn't, however, seem to explain why "manual stimulation" doesn't happen.

4. "Talking about it". See, we home school our son (well, she does. I provide supplemental materials), and I have a job where I work remotely, and we don't really have "alone" time except at the end of the day, usually at bedtime. And we're around each other all day, every day. Wife is a Stay-At-Home-Mom, but she does do the home school thing.

5. Also, as I noted earlier, our foreplay is generally very truncated and confined. There are things I think we could do, and things I want to do during foreplay, and as part of the experience, that just don't happen (anymore), even though I try.

6. I think right now, I'd probably settle for two or three times a week (leaning toward three). And try to gradually go from there. In this case, though, I guess I want it to feel more like a "want to" rather than an "obligation", if that makes sense. That she _wants to have sex with me because she's my wife_, not she _feels obligated to have sex with me_. If that makes sense.

7. Maybe this will change once she's actually in menopause. I don't know.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

My_Username said:


> A lot to unpack here from everyone. Let me tackle a few.
> 
> 1. About the condoms and other forms of birth control. She's very "risk averse", and remember, she's still menstruating. My (and her) understanding is that even during perimenopause a woman can still get pregnant. Sometimes her periods are very heavy, too. I don't know if this is a result of the fibroids or what, but she's still menstruating, so there's that. It's a "risk" thing. She even mentioned not using those "extra thin" condoms the other day because she doesn't want to risk one breaking and, to paraphrase, "risk a baby at <her> age".
> 
> ...


You're kind of just making lots of excuses for why it has to be the way it is. Your wife sounds like she needs counseling to deal with some issues, but if she won't see a medical doctor what are the odds she will see a mental health professional.

You are going to have to stop being weak and become a leader of your family. Your wife needs to see a doctor, period. Avoiding the doctor because you are worried they might find something, and worse yet, "she won't do anything about it" is poor parenting. Does her kids deserve the presence of a happy and healthy mother? You must and can make time to talk. Do and read the other things suggested here and start improving yourself.


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## HappilyMarried1 (Jul 21, 2021)

@My_Username 

You have came back and basically just listed 7 excuses. I assume you came here and posted your thread looking for advice and have received some very good advice. It boils down to basically to two things.
1) Do as @BigDaddyNY stated above be the head of your household and have a serious talk with your wife. Tell her you understand she may have some medical reason for not wanting sex, but you have needs as your marriage and you will support her to go to the doctor. Make it plain that something has to change that you cannot go on the way things currently are.
2) You don't do anything and let her continue to control the situation and basically control you and your sex (or lack of ) life. Best of luck!


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## ElwoodPDowd (Aug 25, 2021)

My_Username said:


> 1. About the condoms and other forms of birth control. She's very "risk averse", and remember, she's still menstruating. My (and her) understanding is that even during perimenopause a woman can still get pregnant. Sometimes her periods are very heavy, too. I don't know if this is a result of the fibroids or what, but she's still menstruating, so there's that. It's a "risk" thing. She even mentioned not using those "extra thin" condoms the other day because she doesn't want to risk one breaking and, to paraphrase, "risk a baby at <her> age".


Doesn't matter, she's too old, the eggs aren't viable.
There's no risk of a baby with a 50+ year old woman.


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## anonfrank (Apr 18, 2013)

As far as sexual interest during/after menopause…my wife’s drive increased significantly after menopause, which I wasn’t expecting and which I was honestly happy to see. I just make sure I use lubricant, and away we go….

A bunch of excuses there. And she needs to see a doctor about her heavy menses, or when she does go to a doctor and they find something bad, it could be too late (ovarian cancer). Most likely, she is just going through menopause, but you, and she, need certainty. Again, communicate clearly with her.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

ElwoodPDowd said:


> Doesn't matter, she's too old, the eggs aren't viable.
> There's no risk of a baby with a 50+ year old woman.


I wouldn't bank in that. I've known women have gotten pregnant at that age. If she is menstruating she has a chance of pregnancy.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

BigDaddyNY said:


> I wouldn't bank in that. I've known women have gotten pregnant at that age. If she is menstruating she has a chance of pregnancy.


And she is very risk averse, i.e. no condom = no sex. That said, I made the same mistake of staying too long. I was exactly 45 when all the troubles started and I wasted almost 15 years trying to resolve them. Things won't improve, they will get worse and at some point your wife will completely draw the curtains and no more sex. It will be some other excuse. Your son is a teenager, not a baby. Just divorce and enjoy life, you are still young.


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## coquille (May 8, 2018)

My_Username said:


> A lot to unpack here from everyone. Let me tackle a few.
> 
> 1. About the condoms and other forms of birth control. She's very "risk averse", and remember, she's still menstruating. My (and her) understanding is that even during perimenopause a woman can still get pregnant. Sometimes her periods are very heavy, too. I don't know if this is a result of the fibroids or what, but she's still menstruating, so there's that. It's a "risk" thing. She even mentioned not using those "extra thin" condoms the other day because she doesn't want to risk one breaking and, to paraphrase, "risk a baby at <her> age".
> 
> ...


Sorry you're here. Sounds like your wife doesn't want to have sex with you anymore. I am 51 and I am in peri-menopause; I still have very regular periods, which sometimes are heavier than usual (and this is one of the symptoms of peri-menopause), but my sex drive has been higher than ever, particularly during the ovulation week. I know every woman is different, but peri-menopause does not usually kill the sex drive. I don't have other conditions, but other women have commented that fibroids do not usually cause discomfort or kill their sex drive either. I do hate condoms and I stopped taking pills a very long time ago because of a bad reaction, so you need to ask your wife is it's the condoms that make her avoid sex, but I doubt it is only the condoms. 

You are young and it is very understandable that you are frustrated by this situation. Your life sounds a bit monotonous. After you have a conversation with your wife about her avoidance of any sexual gesture or activity, you both should look into ways to introduce romance into your life outside of the bedroom. Have romantic dates, weekends, trips away from your son. Do something exciting outside of the bedroom if this area is lacking, and this will eventually lead to more excitement in bed. I'm saying this assuming that you will bring up the subject in the same open and candid way you just wrote about it here. By tiptoeing around it you won't get anywhere.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

BigDaddyNY said:


> I wouldn't bank in that. I've known women have gotten pregnant at that age. If she is menstruating she has a chance of pregnancy.


You've known a woman 51 years old who got pregnant naturally, without fertility treatments? Really?


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

Livvie said:


> You've known a woman 51 years old who got pregnant naturally, without fertility treatments? Really?


Actually a 50 and a 52 year old. The 50 year old miscarried, that is how she found out she was pregnant. The 52 year old's son is now 12.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Livvie said:


> You've known a woman 51 years old who got pregnant naturally, without fertility treatments? Really?


Well it is certainly rare. Yet having looked this up, there are some instances of post 50 year old pregnancies, that see some children born through natural conception.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

According to this article, the chances of getting pregnant naturally above 50 is 1%...









Chances of Getting Pregnant in Your 50's: Is It Possible & Risks


Female fertility at age 50 is low as the eggs that a woman has left at this point, if any at all, will often not be capable of supporting life. Read on to know more getting pregnant in your fifties and what goes along with it.




parenting.firstcry.com





Apparently condoms are 98% safe... but humans are not perfect, so in reality they are 85% effective. Maths to you to do!


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

ElwoodPDowd said:


> She's 51, you don't need condoms or a vasectomy, she can't get pregnant.
> Most women are infertile by their early 40s.


Just FWiW, a vasectomy is no big deal and if you have all kids you want just get it done. If not sure you can freeze some sperm. I had it done after our 4th and no regrets.

But that isnt going to solve your problem cuz sounds like she doesnt even want you touching her?!? And she doesnt want to touch you either?!? If my wife was that way I would have hard time getting up for action, proly just say forget the whole thing.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

ElwoodPDowd said:


> She's 51, you don't need condoms or a vasectomy, she can't get pregnant.
> Most women are infertile by their early 40s.


i thought the rule of thumb was: Five months after she stopped having periods.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

Rus47 said:


> Just FWiW, a vasectomy is no big deal and if you have all kids you want just get it done.


The chance of a painful complication stopped me from doing it. I actually know a younger guy who had it done and had an infection (lump) in the inside of his ball sack, he said it was quite painful. The chance is quite low, but not interested in doing anything that can result in chronic ball pain.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

My_Username said:


> A lot to unpack here from everyone. Let me tackle a few.
> .....
> 
> 5. Also, as I noted earlier, our foreplay is generally very truncated and confined. There are things I think we could do, and things I want to do during foreplay, and as part of the experience, that just don't happen (anymore), even though I try.


lets start with this one. the goal is to CHANGE her mind so she feels more sexy and horny for you.

so get some velcro handcuffs, some sort of vibrating dildo, and some lubricant. have her lie on the bed naked, and see just how many orgasms you can force her to have. try all sorts of ways. try getting her to orgasm from her nipples only. then with the dildo. then by rubbing her clit. then by combining the two. keep it up until she is totally exhausted, then do one more.

see if taking the decision away from her frees her mind up to be horny for sex again.

here is one of those podcasts on how to do a forced orgasm kink.









Forced Orgasms, Ruined Orgasms and Orgasms in Chastity - Kinky Cocktail Hour


In this episode, Lady Petra and Saffermaster chat with MelancholyGhost and her submissive, Chia, about Forced Orgasms, Ruined Orgasms and Orgasms in Chastity over the Roycroft.




www.buzzsprout.com


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## ElwoodPDowd (Aug 25, 2021)

Talker67 said:


> i thought the rule of thumb was: Five months after she stopped having periods.


No, 45 is absolutely safe.
My last wife became naturally pregnant at 42, the hospital sad it was extremely unusual.
But she'd also had a baby aged 39, and there's apparently an element of 'use it or lose it'.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

ElwoodPDowd said:


> No, 45 is absolutely safe.
> My last wife became naturally pregnant at 42, the hospital sad it was extremely unusual.
> But she'd also had a baby aged 39, and there's apparently an element of 'use it or lose it'.


well this is the sort of thing i would NOT trust a source on the internet on! 
have her talk to her gynecologist...they would know for sure. last thing you want is a new baby showing up when you are that age!


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

ElwoodPDowd said:


> No, 45 is absolutely safe.
> My last wife became naturally pregnant at 42, the hospital sad it was extremely unusual.
> But she'd also had a baby aged 39, and there's apparently an element of 'use it or lose it'.


That is not a gamble some want to take. As I stated, I personally know two women that got pregnant at 50 or older, without fertility drugs. In both cases they didn't think there was a risk either.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

ElwoodPDowd said:


> No, 45 is absolutely safe.
> My last wife became naturally pregnant at 42, the hospital sad it was extremely unusual.
> But she'd also had a baby aged 39, and there's apparently an element of 'use it or lose it'.











Pregnancy over age 50 - Wikipedia







en.wikipedia.org





oldest pregnant woman was 66!


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## 351147 (Sep 2, 2021)

I struggle with this too. Actually this is why I joined this page. My wife has never been overly sexual and it's just gotten less and less frequent over the years. We've had a few talks about it and she has admitted that she can go through the rest of life without sex and be perfectly fine with it. But she understands my needs and we do have sex, but usually on her terms, which I respect. But talking was the best way to get this going. Now I'm asking for more variety and even though my wife is a little put off by it, she's open to try. 

We don't have spontaneous sex these days which I think is needed for a healthy relationship. Every now and then we do and it's always amazing, but usually we need to "schedule" sex which does take a lot away from the romance. But that has a lot to do with our busy schedules more than anything else.

All I can say is you need to talk with your partner, no matter how hard of a conversation it is.


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## ayushiest (Sep 26, 2021)

It is not normal, in the sense that it isn’t the norm to have very little sex within a marriage, but it seems to happen quite a lot in a lot of marriages. In my own marriage, my wife and I are sexually active on a very regular basis, and I believe ths to be an important part of any healthy relationship.


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## Golden Age (May 17, 2020)

Just to add another note of caution about women getting pregnant naturally in their 50s, my wife did not hit the menopause until 55 and we had a friend whose mother gave birth to him when she was 54! His mother could not cope with another baby at that age and so our friend was adopted and he only found out about this when he was in his 40s. Quite sad really.


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