# Improving a bj



## Daisy12 (Jul 10, 2016)

My dh and I had our sexual issue through out our marriage, my fault mostly, but I am trying to put more of an effort into doing things he likes, being more adventurous.. Etc. I love giving bj, and I know my husband enjoys them and he tells me I'm good at it, but I don't want to be good at it...I want to be great at it. I want to blow his mind... 

My question can anyone recommend a book on giving bj that you have read and would recommend.


----------



## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

Some time back i saw this sex expert on "Real Sex" an HBO show back in the early 2000's and found her books to be very informative, at least from a man perspective on being a better lover for his wife/GF/SO. this book is from a woman's point of view to her guy. 

Lou Paget - how to be a great lover


----------



## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Daisy12 said:


> I know my husband enjoys them and he tells me I'm good at it, but I don't want to be good at it...I want to be great at it. I want to blow his mind...
> 
> *My question can anyone recommend a book* on giving bj that you have read and would recommend.


Perhaps there are some good books written on this topic, but the notion that your husband says you are good, but yet you struggle with your self confidence and feel the need to read a book is a HUGE RED FLAG! 

You are looking for validation by pleasing your husband instead of helping your husband learn how to please you. Instead you should teach your husband to be great at giving you oral sex to the point that it will blow your mind! ...if that sounds boring to you, then for the exact same reason it is boring is the exact same reason you are unable to blow your husband's mind with a blow job! 

Just say'n

Badsanta


----------



## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

I have been married 25 years. What's a "bj"?


----------



## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

blueinbr said:


> I have been married 25 years. What's a "bj"?


blueberry jam:x


----------



## Daisy12 (Jul 10, 2016)

badsanta said:


> Perhaps there are some good books written on this topic, but the notion that your husband says you are good, but yet you struggle with your self confidence and feel the need to read a book is a HUGE RED FLAG!
> 
> You are looking for validation by pleasing your husband instead of helping your husband learn how to please you. Instead you should teach your husband to be great at giving you oral sex to the point that it will blow your mind! ...if that sounds boring to you, then for the exact same reason it is boring is the exact same reason you are unable to blow your husband's mind with a blow job!
> 
> ...



I don't feel like it is lack of self confidence to want to learn a few new tricks to please my husband. I am very confident that I give good head, but would love to learn other possible moves or things that maybe I haven't thought of.

Also I just bought the book, "she comes first" and my husband Is happily reading it as he is just as focused on pleasing me as I am him. We do talk about thing we like and things we want each other to do. We are just looking for some ideas to spice things up and make our already great sex life, better.


----------



## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

A few months ago my wife read a short interview (in German) with a "sex expert" and author entitled "Blowjobs? Most women can't".



> The most important tip is: fun! Women should enjoy a blowjob that they have the desire of the man in the hand or between the lips. You should play with it and take advantage of the sense of power, his orgasm to have in hand. This also brings a woman excellent feelings of pleasure and great fun.(Via google translate)


This, and take it to mean go to town. I thought it made a huge difference.

BTW I like the title of one her books "Fück Me Now And Love Me Later" (also in German only).


----------



## MrsAldi (Apr 15, 2016)

I did some research into this a few months back online, couldn't get much information online or in books. 
I got some amazing techniques from my therapist though. 
I don't think I can publish here, but if you want me to PM them to you I can. 


Sent from my B1-730HD using Tapatalk


----------



## Lurkster (Feb 8, 2016)

I thought it was just practice practice practice....


----------



## Daisy12 (Jul 10, 2016)

MrsAldi said:


> I did some research into this a few months back online, couldn't get much information online or in books.
> I got some amazing techniques from my therapist though.
> I don't think I can publish here, but if you want me to PM them to you I can.
> 
> ...



That would be great... Thanks MrsAldi! :smile2:


----------



## Lurkster (Feb 8, 2016)

To continue on....it's just like oral on her....I get better & better at it.
Years of experience....and.....
Practice practice practice!!!

:grin2:


----------



## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

I agree with both the OP and our ever so humble Bad Santa, who y'all know I adore:grin2:

When hubby says your good, believe him. And it sounds like you do. So good girl! 

I will never stop trying to be even better at my sexual skills. I love giving BJs and am massively interested in hearing any pointers on anything to improve my skills. I agree, she needs to make clear her wants and needs, and her hubby needs to be doing the same thing, and it sounds like he is. OP? Can he call my hubby and tell him to do some research too??? LMAO.

You crazy kids keep having fun in the sack! >




badsanta said:


> Perhaps there are some good books written on this topic, but the notion that your husband says you are good, but yet you struggle with your self confidence and feel the need to read a book is a HUGE RED FLAG!
> 
> You are looking for validation by pleasing your husband instead of helping your husband learn how to please you. Instead you should teach your husband to be great at giving you oral sex to the point that it will blow your mind! ...if that sounds boring to you, then for the exact same reason it is boring is the exact same reason you are unable to blow your husband's mind with a blow job!
> 
> ...


----------



## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Daisy12 said:


> I don't feel like it is lack of self confidence to want to learn a few new tricks to please my husband. I am very confident that I give good head, but would love to learn other possible moves or things that maybe I haven't thought of..


You are getting lots of good advice. The sex therapist that helped save my marriage told us that really good sex is playful and exploratory. It is adult play time. It is a time to play, tease, have fun, compete, AND laugh when things don't go right (and they sometimes will go very wrong.....leg cramps, hiccups, passing gas, a telephone call, kids coming in the room, etc.)

In addition to being playful, the brain is the largest sex organ. My suggestion is not so much to focus on specific tricks (hot tea, ice water; feathers, simultaneous prostate massage, etc) but on the mental aspects that turns you H on. Ask him if there is something you can wear just for him when you give him a bj or if there is some form of role playing the two of you can engage in when you feel like giving a bj that would rev his motor. Maybe even tease and denial so he doesn't know how things will end? 

The point is play with him and talk to him about what excites him and makes him feel it is extra special.

I would normally say good luck, but with your attitude, you will make your own luck, love and solid marriage.


----------



## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

My knowledge of BJs is sadly almost entirely theoretical. 

Still I don't think there are "best" techniques. To me BJs are interesting because they can be so different depending on attitude: loving, submissive, passionate, dominating, etc.

Try to find out what your H likes, what sort of mood he feels like and play to that.


----------



## See_Listen_Love (Jun 28, 2012)

Daisy12 said:


> My dh and I had our sexual issue through out our marriage, my fault mostly, but I am trying to put more of an effort into doing things he likes, being more adventurous.. Etc. I love giving bj, and I know my husband enjoys them and he tells me I'm good at it, but I don't want to be good at it...I want to be great at it. I want to blow his mind...
> 
> My question can anyone recommend a book on giving bj that you have read and would recommend.


You do not need a book, you need a video.

An explicit version of the Kama Sutra explains it very well. And is still acceptable to many as it is really instructional instead of 'just porn'


----------



## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

This kind of look always got me going, no matter how good she was. If she was really good, it just made me crazy. I guess there is a mental side of it? I don't know what it means, but it is what it is. I can't help it. I didn't demand it.


----------



## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

Something that enhances sex in general, and something my bf likes when it comes to oral sex is when I stop and start...get him very close, and stop. If you do this a few times (or several lol), it really will blow his mind in the end. Can't believe I'm sharing this here, but there you go. I love when he teases (''edges'') me in this way, too. Maybe try that and see what happens.


----------



## Begin again (Jul 4, 2016)

See_Listen_Love said:


> You do not need a book, you need a video.
> 
> An explicit version of the Kama Sutra explains it very well. And is still acceptable to many as it is really instructional instead of 'just porn'


Oooo.... Where do I find that? 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Dallow Spicer (Sep 5, 2016)

I'd just like to point out that the Views to Replies ratio for this thread is impressive.


----------



## drifter777 (Nov 25, 2013)

You said you want to do more to make him crazy? Just when he's going to cum - you can tell - stick your finger up his ass an inch or so. Guaranteed satisfaction!!


----------



## See_Listen_Love (Jun 28, 2012)

Begin again said:


> Oooo.... Where do I find that?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Search field on Amazon: Kama Sutra (movies)

Lots and lots of version. Check out reviews for quality and explicit explanation (so they show you what to do).

Believe it or not, in the past I have seen a series on television....we bought a DVD later. But that is less explicit :surprise:


----------



## See_Listen_Love (Jun 28, 2012)

I believe I heard an expert mistress once respond to an interviewer: Can you give some tips for our viewers. "Yes, there are three things especially important ladies: Enthusiasm, enthusiasm and enthusiasm!"


----------



## Middle of Everything (Feb 19, 2012)

See_Listen_Love said:


> I believe I heard an expert mistress once respond to an interviewer: Can you give some tips for our viewers. "Yes, there are three things especially important ladies: Enthusiasm, enthusiasm and enthusiasm!"


I was going to say this myself. The ONE thing my wife could do to give killer bjs would be enthusiasm. The ONE thing that can kill a bj for a guy quicker than any other? Obvious lack of enthusiasm. 

Technique can be learned. As long as a woman acts like she just WANTS her man's member (and isnt repulsed by what comes out of it) it should be pretty great.


----------



## heartbroken50 (Aug 9, 2016)

Middle of Everything said:


> I was going to say this myself. The ONE thing my wife could do to give killer bjs would be enthusiasm. The ONE thing that can kill a bj for a guy quicker than any other? Obvious lack of enthusiasm.
> 
> Technique can be learned. As long as a woman acts like she just WANTS her man's member (and isnt repulsed by what comes out of it) it should be pretty great.


Yes... this.
Years ago I had an enormous mental block with BJs... part of getting over that was discovering the _power _that you have when giving. I do a combination of what's already been suggested: playful edging/teasing, eye contact, and enthusiasm (including moans). Audience participation helps too


----------



## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

No book will tell you what your husband likes, only he knows and we are all different. What I would recommend is that you tell him what you told us here which in and of itself will probably blow is mind how much you care about him. Then try different things until you find out what makes it the best ever. Communication will get you where you want to be not a book.

FYI your husband is lucky to have a wife that cares about his happiness!


----------



## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Seems like there would be a Nina Hartley video covering this exact subject.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## just got it 55 (Mar 2, 2013)

Daisy12 said:


> My dh and I had our sexual issue through out our marriage, my fault mostly, but I am trying to put more of an effort into doing things he likes, being more adventurous.. Etc. I love giving bj, and I know my husband enjoys them and he tells me I'm good at it, but I don't want to be good at it...I want to be great at it. I want to blow his mind...
> 
> My question can anyone recommend a book on giving bj that you have read and would recommend.


OP you can find just about anything information wise here on the Interwebs.

But......You have the worlds leading authority on what you H likes ...Him

Let him coach you. And to make it really special use a large hand held mirror so you both get a great view and also make eye contact clearly.

BTW.... Badsanta makes a great point

55


----------



## IndianApple (Mar 27, 2016)

brooklynAnn said:


> blueberry jam:x




 good one


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Two words to embrace: "Practice" and "Enthusiasm!"

And two more words to absolutely forget: "Aversion" and "Fear!"*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Florida_rosbif (Oct 18, 2015)

blueinbr said:


> I have been married 25 years. What's a "bj"?


:grin2::grin2:

Hence the married man's joke:

What's the similarity between lobster thermidor and a blowjob?

You don't get either of them at home.


----------



## Buffon06 (Aug 14, 2016)

I would have to say that enthusiasm is probably the biggest factor in a great BJ. I also love eye contact, and being deep-throated (although my wife can't quite manage to take it all, she can take most of it).

Another important factor in an amazing BJ is the various ways one can finish. In the mouth (swallowing or not), on the face, on the breasts, etc.

Ummmm, I'll be back shortly...


----------



## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

A book? How about looking at porn movies, and looking at the various techniques.


----------



## Spotthedeaddog (Sep 27, 2015)

Interest (/enthusiasm) helps if its going to be a relationship (rather than a power trip by either party).
Pacing is important.

And beforehand, get comfortable with experimentation and communication. Some people like things different to others, and most guys don't get to experience great bj's so really don't know what they're missing*, and are sure if they say anything then they'll get none. *so can't give you tips.

Weirdly, often women who have been treated really badly in the past give the best bj's... From discussions I've had I can only put this down to (1) Her personal attentiveness to the job at hand (which is a survival trait in a bad relationship), and (2) communication from a partner who didn't hold back demanding and direct opinions on what he was experiencing.
It's sad, but there seems to be a clear message to take away from that. It would be best if we could take away the good from that comprehension, while not needing the bad.


----------



## NothingsOriginal (Sep 23, 2016)

Each man is different, so it would take a very specific set of things to give the "best ever" to someone.

Try playing the "optometrist game" (I think I made it up).....

Which is better?
This?..... Or this?. 
OK, this?... or that?
repeat

learning is fun!


----------



## Celes (Apr 28, 2015)

There are lots of great instructional porn vids on giving great BJs. I've learned a lot from them and I think they would be better than books. I always knew I was good at BJs but now my H raves that I'm the best he's ever had. And he's not big on compliments usually lol.


----------



## AlphaMale74 (Oct 15, 2014)

blueinbr said:


> I have been married 25 years. What's a "bj"?


19 years here and no bj in my marriage


----------



## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

AlphaMale74 said:


> 19 years here and no bj in my marriage


This is more appropriate -->


----------



## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Not much to add to the excellent advice. I have to echo the importance of relaxing and having fun. Don't worry so much and have confidence that you will be able to get even better than good. 

Think of bj's and sex in general as a work-in-progress and your husband is free to give feedback without the risk of inhibiting you. You'll feel confident that he is really happy when he says he is. :smthumbup:


----------



## MrsHolland (Jun 18, 2016)

Lots of great advice here already for you, best IMHO is about enthusiasm, it makes a huge amount of difference. However enthusiasm needs to be well balanced with technique and doing things you know your particular man loves, they are all different just as we are.

I love giving my gorgeous man BJ's, I know I completely blow his mind like no one ever has. His reactions, noises, the way he grips the side of the bed and then the way his hug afterwards almost breaks my ribs are such amazing affirmations. He is confident in talking about sex and showing me what pleases him and that is the best way to get better, talking about what he likes.


----------



## nosexsteve (Oct 1, 2016)

Daisy12 said:


> I don't feel like it is lack of self confidence to want to learn a few new tricks to please my husband. I am very confident that I give good head, but would love to learn other possible moves or things that maybe I haven't thought of.
> 
> Also I just bought the book, "she comes first" and my husband Is happily reading it as he is just as focused on pleasing me as I am him. We do talk about thing we like and things we want each other to do. We are just looking for some ideas to spice things up and make our already great sex life, better.


Daisy....you sound like one hell of a wife!!......lucky husband.....he doesn't know he's born!!


----------



## See_Listen_Love (Jun 28, 2012)

AlphaMale74 said:


> 19 years here and no bj in my marriage


Is AlphaMale then not the wrong name??

(Not meaning to be condescending, but to point out a possible point of work)


----------



## IndianApple (Mar 27, 2016)

AlphaMale74 said:


> 19 years here and no bj in my marriage




It makes no sense for a male to live on this earth if he never get the world's most satisfying thing called BJ.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

AlphaMale74 said:


> 19 years here and no bj in my marriage


Married a prude huh? Or does she just think she has to put no more effort into sex than she absolutely has to?

Sh is one of those kind of people who come running here screaming that their spouse just up and left them for no damn good reason.


----------



## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

...


----------



## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

...


----------



## IndianApple (Mar 27, 2016)

Personal said:


> Although receiving oral sex can be great fun, it certainly isn't the be all and end all of sex.
> 
> 
> 
> Considering your comment, am I right to think that you've never received oral sex?




I have received many blowjobs but not as satisfying as I dreamt of.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## IndianApple (Mar 27, 2016)

Personal said:


> Although receiving oral sex can be great fun, it certainly isn't the be all and end all of sex.
> 
> 
> 
> Considering your comment, am I right to think that you've never received oral sex?




And i always like to satisfy her by giving oral sex...


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

...


----------



## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

...


----------



## IndianApple (Mar 27, 2016)

Personal said:


> You forgot to tell me that she orgasms every single time.




You should understand ...


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

...


----------



## Max.HeadRoom (Jun 28, 2014)

I got my gal this a few years ago and I know she read it as somethings changed; not that they were bad. It was ½ joke. She was a little intimidated about sex and needed some encouragement.

Tickle His Pickle! : Your Hands-On Guide to Penis Pleasing
https://www.amazon.com/Tickle-His-P...&qid=1476625694&sr=8-3&keywords=tickle+pickle

there is more in here then just Blueberry jam.


----------



## 247769 (May 18, 2016)

IMHO the secret to BJ's is location,location, location. It's the ultimate dirty deed done in other locations and not the bedroom. The trill of getting one while driving the car, or in a dressing room or just out by the pool is what makes it special to me. Add the element of surprise and spontaneity and WOW, you've just blown my socks off. For me it not about having an orgasm as much as it's a tease to drive me wild for later. Hope this helps.

Sent from my XT1060 using Tapatalk


----------



## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Brides smile a lot on their wedding day for one reason mainly.

They've given their last BJ


----------



## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

...


----------



## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Personal said:


> Nonsense!
> 
> I've been married twice and to date throughout both of those marriages, BJ's were/have always been frequent.


It's a joke. We really need to work on your sense of humor. >


----------



## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

...


----------



## IndianApple (Mar 27, 2016)

Marc878 said:


> It's a joke. We really need to work on your sense of humor. >




 i guess he is more frustrated which is why he dont understand a joke


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

IndianApple said:


> i guess he is more frustrated which is why he dont understand a joke
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


Verification may be needed to solve this mystery :surprise:


----------



## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

Daisy12 said:


> My dh and I had our sexual issue through out our marriage, my fault mostly, but I am trying to put more of an effort into doing things he likes, being more adventurous.. Etc. I love giving bj, and I know my husband enjoys them and he tells me I'm good at it, but I don't want to be good at it...I want to be great at it. I want to blow his mind...
> 
> My question can anyone recommend a book on giving bj that you have read and would recommend.



The quickest and easiest way to give fantastic BJ's is go online and type in, "giving great BJ's".

Most will be from adult sites with vids but you will see how these ladies give great BJ's and their techniques.

Some ladies have no gag reflex and can give deep throat BJ's.

While others are sensitive and can only take the tip in their mouths.

You can buy numbing creams if you are sensitive.

If the taste of him having his orgasm in your mouth is not to your liking, you can have your fav drink nearby, so immediately after swallowing, you have your fav drink.


----------



## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

The favorite drink might lose it's good standing. It may not work in the long run and it seems disruptive to the whole experience to have a chaser immediately after the act. 

Finding a way to get over the taste or texture or whatever while still being intimate might work better. I find that affection, caressing, and loving words are rewarding for me and what I look forward to getting. It's also mutually beneficial. 

Not saying you are wrong just that trying different things in case one does not work.


----------

