# Hubby doesn't reciprocate



## Rosinwinter (Oct 29, 2015)

I'm 51 & he's 58. Im asian & newly married to an american man. We met in a dating site last year (we've been together for 11 months now & married 5 months, a year in all since we started our relationship). We've both been married before, second marriage for the both of us. Im young for my age, everyone says i look like I'm in my mid 30s & i feel like it. I'm very physically active & takes care of myself the best way i can. Him on the other part does not, though he looks young for his age, healthwise he has problems. Nothing serious but typical issues for his age like high blood pressure. Unfortunately for me, i have a high sexual drive & he doesn't. When i arrived here, intimacy was no problem, we'll do it at least once a week. But i also noticed that he loves me to give him a bj & will ask for it with no reciprocation. Which dissapoints & frustrates me most of the time. I don't mind pleasuring my man, but isn't it selfish that he wants it but don't return the favor? 
(He has ED by the way & has to take pills for us to have a good intercourse but i told him we can just do four play if he doesn't want to take the pill. Which he claims gives him hangover, he gets sluggish the next day & sometimes gives him headaches. Of course because of his high blood pressure, taking the pill has it set backs.)
Anyway... There are lots of times when he ask for a bj & he does not reciprocate. He'll kiss, hug & thank me then that's it (haaaay).
Thou we make love in between the asking for bjs, but i can't understand why not do it with me, instead of just getting off alone.
i do understand he can't do it more than twice a month. 
But isn't that kind of selfish on his part? Now when he ask me to do it i sometimes teasingly ask him what's in it for me or i'll say, ok & poke me in return hehe? He'll laugh but would say i always cut deals with him, deal seriously? Pleasuring your wife in return is trying to cut deals with your husband? Please tell me what to think & feel about this... Thank you :-/


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

you're not being selfish

ask him to treat you more often. if he doesn't or refuses you, cut back on the bj's and then explain why.

i hate that kind of negotiation and tit for tat, but sometimes we have no other choice.

he needs to 'get it'.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Rosinwinter said:


> There are lots of times when he ask for a bj & he does not reciprocate. He'll kiss, hug & thank me then that's it (haaaay).


This could be bad advice but may be worth a try. 

Can you try a 69 the next time you give him a BJ and ask him to reciprocate. If he does not, then refrain from touching him. If he begs, tell him you feel the same way. 

So that it does not end in a fight, ask him if he wants to see you have an orgasm and caress yourself while in a 69 so he gets an up close view, then ask him if you can watch him caress himself, and perhaps try to climax at the same time. Make it a point about "sharing" this experience and wanting to please one another, even if at first to does have to be explored through selfishness of having to touch yourself. 

Badsanta


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## Rosinwinter (Oct 29, 2015)

Thank you guys... We do the 69 thing, but he still ask for his bjs. He would even sometime wake me in the middle of the night to ask for it. 
The sad part is, when i ask him to reciprocate he says he understands me but would become facetious & say... Maybe i should look for someone who would just bj me w/out cutting deals. "$*%+*#!!!!" Not funny.... 
Of course i do understand, men likes to get a good bj. But he is 58 i cannot understand he doesn't realize i also need intimacy satisfaction. I cannot fathom where this is coming from.
Im filipina & I'm not the typical provincial woman who went husband hunting for a greener pasture bull****.
Who has to bow & acquiesce to his every command. 
I do love him & loves pleasuring him, but shouldn't he suppose to feel the same way?
Sorry I'm dissapointed & i guess being asian i think differently.
I never had this issues with my x, i always had a healthy sex life with my x. But ironically that's the only thing i had with him that's why my first mariage didn't work out.


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## lovelyblue (Oct 25, 2013)

Tell him you'd enjoy getting pleased to.
Tell him that you'd like to enjoy getting some oral satisfaction like he does.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
you are being completely reasonable. If he wants and gets oral, then it is only fair for him to provide the same for you.

I understand that ED medication may cause him issues - so I wouldn't pressure him to take it, but if his tongue and finger work he should be very happy to use them. Possibly toys as well if you enjoy them.


Sadly its not unusual. My wife enjoys and expects oral but will not reciprocate. Says its not the same thing.


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## pickil65 (Oct 15, 2015)

So, there may be an underlying issues, if he is already threating the d card after a year, sigh.... Anyways, with me my hubby loves to give me oral and I give him oral but not as much as he would like to the point of sometimes it frustrates him especially with him knowing that I gave oral in previous relationships. But I have brought it to his attention that the previous relationships is the reason I don't like giving oral. While this is an excuse I am working on pleasing him more because I feel like it. I found a new position quiet by accident similar to 69 but I was standing over him with my legs spread to the edge of the bed with my knees locked and I bend over to give him oral, this turned him on much more than the traditional 69 cause he LOVES seeing my boobs dangle, the next thing I knew he was sitting up and returning the favor. 

One thing with some men is they had a bad oral experience, I had one friend whose ex didn't wash the area right and so she always tasted horrible to him, so maybe your hubby doesn't like giving oral because of a past experience. Has he ever given you oral before?


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## Rosinwinter (Oct 29, 2015)

Mentioning toys... He has one, he said he bought it years ago to use on his x gf. But never did because the relationship did not last. And of course he bought it because of the ed situation.

I actually already did ask him to use it on me, 3x. But funny it seens he doesnt want to, never did. 
I myself sometimes would think of using it by myself, but never did too.
My problem is, coz i want intimacy for a lot of reasons. Not only because i love him but i want that connection too with my partner. 

Funny when we were skyping he never mentioned his ed. He'll just always say i hope he does not dissapoint me.
I already had a talk with him about this, he'll always say he understands... But that's it, no action :-/


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## Rosinwinter (Oct 29, 2015)

Pickil65... He does give me oral when we do make love. We four play before doing it. He never had an issue with giving me oral, he actually says I'm very clean & beaitiful there for my age.
The problem is we don't do it often because of his ed. And if we do he wants bj in between w/out reciprocating.
The thing is, when we do it, we do it once a month & he'll ask for bj w/out reciprocating & i have yo wait for sometimes more than a month before giving me a good intercourse.
I just can't understand why ask for a bj w/out reciprocation & make me wait fir so long before giving me one when you ask for bjs in between?


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

Rosinwinter said:


> Thank you guys... We do the 69 thing, but he still ask for his bjs. He would even sometime wake me in the middle of the night to ask for it.
> *The sad part is, when i ask him to reciprocate he says he understands me but would become facetious & say... Maybe i should look for someone who would just bj me w/out cutting deals. "$*%+*#!!!!" Not funny.... *
> Of course i do understand, men likes to get a good bj. But he is 58 i cannot understand he doesn't realize i also need intimacy satisfaction. I cannot fathom where this is coming from.
> Im filipina & I'm not the typical provincial woman who went husband hunting for a greener pasture bull****.
> ...



Tell him you wouldn't need to cut deals if he'd meet your needs without them.


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## Rosinwinter (Oct 29, 2015)

I will tell him that, thank you fozzy ;-)


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## pickil65 (Oct 15, 2015)

OP Yay! That's a start, will he play with you while your giving him a BJ? Does his ED prevent him from getting hard when you give him a BJ? It sounds like maybe he doesn't want to return the favor because of his ED, maybe he doesn't like the fact that he cannot finish you off and that is why he doesn't do it. Men with ED can be very sensitive. Even if your not 69ing it, turn your body so he can reach down there and see if he starts to play, if he gives you oral when he takes his meds and the fact that he didn't tell you about the ED tells me that he is sensitive regarding his issue and he probably doesn't want to leave you hanging and is to hurt to admit the truth. And get rid of the TOY he bought for his Ex he doesn't wanna use it on you because he bought it for her. Take a trip to Adam and Eve or another TOY store and browse with him, do what ifs while your browsing. You have to make sure he is fully aware that the ED doesn't bother you. Don't mention it, don't ask him to take him pills for sex, and don't make the deals seem like deals, if you do this I do this, that probably hurts him worse.

One thing my hubby and I did, because we have kids and they hardly ever go to the babysitter is I will go to Adam and Eve and pick something out for HIM and he will go and pick something out for ME. We never buy something there for ourselves its always for the other one.


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## Rosinwinter (Oct 29, 2015)

When he ask for the bj, he just caresses my butt. He claims he loves it, but that's it. 
I did ask him before a few times to take the pill. But after he explained to me what it does to him i ask him to stop & we'lll just do the 4 play. Now he doesn't take the pill that often anymore, now he just takes it once a month. 
Yes i know the ed thing is a sensitive issue & i don't talk about it.
The toy was never used, it's still in a sealed box inside his drawer. But don't know why he doesn't want to use it on me.


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## Rosinwinter (Oct 29, 2015)

Yes he doesn't get hard much, it does but doesn't last


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Rosinwinter said:


> The sad part is, when i ask him to reciprocate he says he understands me but would become facetious & say... Maybe i should look for someone who would just bj me w/out cutting deals. "$*%+*#!!!!" Not funny....


Tell him that you are not cutting deals and that he is being selfish because you still give him a BJ anyway. 

Then if he still makes that remark, just get out $100 and hand it to him. Say, "here is the deal, I'll pay you $100 NOT to give you a BJ and you are ONLY going to get to lick my ***** until I tell you that you can stop! After we are done, you get to pay me back the $100 for the privilege of having my ***** in your face! Take it or leave it!"

...now that is probably bad advice, but he might just like it! Then you prove to him you are nice and give him a BJ anyway.

Badsanta


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## Rosinwinter (Oct 29, 2015)

Oh ok hahaha, i don't know if i have the courage to do that. But thank you for the advice


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## pickil65 (Oct 15, 2015)

Even though it was never used it was still meant for another woman, get something new something fresh, don't ask him to use a toy meant for someone else on you even if its new. Try playing with yourself while your giving him a blow job, or move his hand from your butt to your privates and see what he does. Try a sex game, we have a game called sex play, it gets fun sometimes.


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## Rosinwinter (Oct 29, 2015)

Ok i will try that with him. I'm just hoping i will not get rejected. Thank you for the advice


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

WinterRose,
He is being selfish. 

You have a few good options. The most direct is this.

Why do you ask me to do for you, something you don't do for me?

The most diplomatic is:

Babe, 
I'm happy to rock your world, right after you rock mine. If you aren't in the mood to 'please me', that's ok, just don't ask me to 'please you'. 

That's not 'cutting a deal'. That's just - not being a doormat. 

If he argues - just smile and say: This isn't a debate. I'm just letting you know your options. 

You can make it easy for him - by offering to shower first. 





Rosinwinter said:


> I'm 51 & he's 58. Im asian & newly married to an american man. We met in a dating site last year (we've been together for 11 months now & married 5 months, a year in all since we started our relationship). We've both been married before, second marriage for the both of us. Im young for my age, everyone says i look like I'm in my mid 30s & i feel like it. I'm very physically active & takes care of myself the best way i can. Him on the other part does not, though he looks young for his age, healthwise he has problems. Nothing serious but typical issues for his age like high blood pressure. Unfortunately for me, i have a high sexual drive & he doesn't. When i arrived here, intimacy was no problem, we'll do it at least once a week. But i also noticed that he loves me to give him a bj & will ask for it with no reciprocation. Which dissapoints & frustrates me most of the time. I don't mind pleasuring my man, but isn't it selfish that he wants it but don't return the favor?
> (He has ED by the way & has to take pills for us to have a good intercourse but i told him we can just do four play if he doesn't want to take the pill. Which he claims gives him hangover, he gets sluggish the next day & sometimes gives him headaches. Of course because of his high blood pressure, taking the pill has it set backs.)
> Anyway... There are lots of times when he ask for a bj & he does not reciprocate. He'll kiss, hug & thank me then that's it (haaaay).
> Thou we make love in between the asking for bjs, but i can't understand why not do it with me, instead of just getting off alone.
> ...


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## Rosinwinter (Oct 29, 2015)

Yes he is selfish on that part. Thou we do make love at least once a month, i just cannot understand why he wants oral inbetween. Why he doesn't think i need it too.... Makes me sad, frustrated & disappointed. 
Thank you all for your advice :-(


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Did you not have sex before marriage? It seems his selfishness would have manifested early on in the relationship. The next time he wakes you up for a BJ just roll over and go back to sleep. He can jerk himself off. The nerve!


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

Rosinwinter said:


> Yes he is selfish on that part. Thou we do make love at least once a month, i just cannot understand why he wants oral inbetween. Why he doesn't think i need it too.... Makes me sad, frustrated & disappointed.
> Thank you all for your advice :-(


He wants it in between because it's a fantastic experience. Truly. I can't fault the guy for wanting it as much as he can get.

But the lack of reciprocation makes him selfish.

Edit: I should have said "ENTHUSIASTIC reciprocation".


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## Rosinwinter (Oct 29, 2015)

Well to be honest, the once a month intercourse is great. He sees to it that i get satisfied. But the inbetween i am just don't get why he wants it that way, why he can't give back :-/


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## Rosinwinter (Oct 29, 2015)

Blondilocks... We lived in together from the start. For the first 2 months it was good, even if ask for an extra bj i wouldn't mind. Because after a few days he'll give back more than expected. But slowly it died down, from every week sometimes twice to once a week, to every other week. To once a month now...
But at that time it's because he has problems with his son & he gets stressed out because of it. We almost seperated because of it, but he tries. But then the oral seems to be more his priority now than the love making. 
The funny part is he would tell me how sexy i am to him & touches me, teases me. But when we go inside the bedroom he just wants me to blow him without reciprocating :-/ (sigh)


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

My opinion:

Intercourse is a "primary" activity because it's designed to be for both partners. If one partner isn't getting enough of the primary activity, it needs to be stepped up.

Stand alone oral is a "secondary" activity. While it can be a really fantastic thing, it should ONLY be done after both partners are reasonably satisfied with the amount and quality of intercourse first. Stand alone oral sex requires a cheerful, giving attitude to be healthy in a relationship. A cheerful, giving attitude isn't going to happen when one partner isn't getting their needs met.


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## Rosinwinter (Oct 29, 2015)

I agree with you 100%, but i guess sadly & unfortunately for me. My partner doesn't think & feel that way. I often feel I'm obligated to do that to him. He makes me feel that way, he makes me question if he truly loves me.


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## JukeboxHero (Mar 3, 2015)

Rosinwinter said:


> I agree with you 100%, but i guess sadly & unfortunately for me. My partner doesn't think & feel that way. I often feel I'm obligated to do that to him. He makes me feel that way, he makes me question if he truly loves me.


Wow, that's pretty messed up!

I hope this isn't too personal, but are you "clean" down there? Is there any odor that might bother him, and do you shave or not? Does he have any preference? Did he go down on you before you got married? Did it suddenly or slowly decline after you got married? (Edit, I see you said it declined after a few months?)

Regretfully, I'm in a similar situation. My wife and I used to do 69, she would go down on me, I would go down on her. And I LOVE going down and eating her. She's also clean and shaves pretty well. 

There's a lot more details on this, but now she doesn't even want to touch me (not even a handjob), so I can definitely emphasize with how you feel.

I really wish there was a sexual compatibility test, and an Anti-Bait and Switch clause when you sign up for marriage. I personally would relish any relationship with a women who would go down on me, because I love eating them too (though I've only experienced my wife, so nasty odors may turn me off)


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## Rosinwinter (Oct 29, 2015)

First of all i am very clean down there, he said it himself. I'm very concious of that & i shower everyday. And he does go down on me everytime we have intercourse. That is not the issue... The issue is inbetween our intercourse which is not often, once a month (but a good one) after, around the 2nd week he'll ask for a bj w/out reciprocating. Meaning he wants me to blow him until he comes but not do anything to me in return.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
I'm sure its not you.

Have you told him openly - "i'm happy to give you a BJ now and then, but I'd really like you do the same for me when I'm feeling horny". 

It may not work - my wife views BJs as completely different from oral on women - as not a fair trade. It would be interesting if you husband saw it is unfair the other direction. 




Rosinwinter said:


> First of all i am very clean down there, he said it himself. I'm very concious of that & i shower everyday. And he does go down on me everytime we have intercourse. That is not the issue... The issue is inbetween our intercourse which is not often, once a month (but a good one) after, around the 2nd week he'll ask for a bj w/out reciprocating. Meaning he wants me to blow him until he comes but not do anything to me in return.


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## Omar174 (Mar 12, 2014)

I can't relate to a dude who doesn't take pleasure in going down on his woman. :scratchhead:

I'm just like Samuel L Jackson in True Romance. >


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

Start asking for him to give you oral sex at times when you haven't just given him a BJ. Every time he refuses, remember his excuse and use it the next time he asks for a BJ. I'm pretty sure he'll start to understand your point of view after a couple of times.


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## Rosinwinter (Oct 29, 2015)

I'm amused with the different reactions... Ok once & for all, boys & girls, ladies & gentlemen.
He does go down to me sometimes too much when wd have a proper good intercourse, OK?
THE PROBLEM IS HE ASK ME TO BJ HIM EVERY OTHER WEEK AFTER THE INTERCOURSE W/OUT RETURNING THE FAVOR.
MEANING... HE JUST LIKE TO LIE DOWN THERE LIKE A LOG TILL IM DONE WITH HIM.
yes we do have good love making once a month with all the benifits of it.
It's the bj every week after without reciprocating im bothered about.


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## Rosinwinter (Oct 29, 2015)

I do appreciate all your honest advice thank you.
I took some of your advice & there's this guy who messaged me privately & explained to me why some men likes it that way.
I understand thou i still find it kinda selfish of him to not rciprocate when i do that yo him.
So i actually told him that how i wish when he ask me to do it he returns the favor.
He said he understands... Pouting & saying sadly, no more bjs for me.
Haaaay stupid :-/


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## Nynaeve (Jun 19, 2013)

OMG, it's not a big mystery why some men like getting BJs without reciprocating. Who doesn't like getting a good orgasm without any work? 

Why do so many people try to make a simple issue so complicated?

Dude is lazy and selfish. He likes orgasms but he isn't willing to do unto others as he would have them do to him. 

Roseinwater, just learn to say "no thank you." If he complains say "I'm not in the mood. I need an orgasm to get me in the mood."
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Rosinwinter (Oct 29, 2015)

Maybe I'm still naive for my age. This is my second marriage.
I've been married with my x for 32 years. (Sex was good with x but that was it. Just the sex)
I've only been with 2 men in my life. So i don't understand the selfishness :-/


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

Rosinwinter said:


> Maybe I'm still naive for my age. This is my second marriage.
> I've been married with my x for 32 years. (Sex was good with x but that was it. Just the sex)
> I've only been with 2 men in my life. *So i don't understand the selfishness* :-/


Neither do I. I enjoy giving pleasure to my wife too much to ever do that.
Perhaps there is more psychological going on with the ED? The problem is I don't know how to get him to deal with it.


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## Rosinwinter (Oct 29, 2015)

I've read info on ed. It's quite complexed, other than the facts. It causes emotional strains too. 
He is also dealing with serious problems wigh his son, he gets stressed. And lastly he has high blood pressure.
I guess all these put together has something to do with it.
SIGH :-/


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Have him give you oral first and then give him. Tell him this is how you both will have oral sex from now on, mutual satisfaction. Don't use the term but any more it's oral sex which includes your satisfaction too. If he does not give you then tell him that you accept that he does not want oral sex right now. 

Tell him To come to you when he is ready. If he gives to you but is not in to it, tell him you don't mind if he does not like oral sex. Have PIV. If he has ED get the blue pills. 

Right now you are a service worker. I understand you are HD but you aren't getting any satisfaction as things are now so why continue. You may need to go to a IC or sex therapist. What ever you do, don't service him.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

The short answer is that he's lazy. The long answer? he's lazy. This must show up in other aspects of you relationship Rosinwinter if you look.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Rosinwinter said:


> I'm amused with the different reactions... Ok once & for all, boys & girls, ladies & gentlemen.
> He does go down to me sometimes too much when wd have a proper good intercourse, OK?
> THE PROBLEM IS HE ASK ME TO BJ HIM EVERY OTHER WEEK AFTER THE INTERCOURSE W/OUT RETURNING THE FAVOR.
> MEANING... HE JUST LIKE TO LIE DOWN THERE LIKE A LOG TILL IM DONE WITH HIM.
> ...


You're not asking him to give up bj. You are asking him to have mutually satisfying sex. He has sex every week and you have sex once a month. 

He knows he is taking advantage but you agreed to the imbalance. He probably can't believe his luck getting a woman so willing to service him. 

This is a situation of your making, you created him and you can change him. 

You can decide- Either you both have sex once a month or once a week. However, he can't have sex once a week using your mouth. He can easily masturbate for an orgasm. You are having sex not making love.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Rosinwinter (Oct 29, 2015)

Catherine- yes i agree to what you said. I admit it was my fault for agreeing to it the first 2 months of our living together. Of course i wanted to pleasure him because i love him. 
Now i know he noticed the change in me with this situation. Started telling him to reciprocate, the first time he said, I'm cutting deals with him. So i explained that it's not cutting deals, I'm simply asking for reciprocation.
He is already 58 & as they say, it's hard to teach old dogs new tricks.


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

Rosinwinter said:


> He is already 58 & as they say, it's hard to teach old dogs new tricks.


Hopefully him making a little effort to show you that he appreciates what you do for him isn't such a difficult trick to learn.


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

Rosinwinter said:


> I do appreciate all your honest advice thank you.
> I took some of your advice & there's this guy who messaged me privately & explained to me why some men likes it that way.
> I understand thou i still find it kinda selfish of him to not rciprocate when i do that yo him.
> So i actually told him that how i wish when he ask me to do it he returns the favor.
> ...


It's really not hard to understand at all. It's effort for him to get down and give you oral sex; like mowing the lawn or cleaning the gutters. If he doesn't have to do it, he won't. Even if it means he won't get any more BJs, he would prefer that to the effort it would take to give you oral sex. That's exactly what he's telling you by his response.


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## Rosinwinter (Oct 29, 2015)

Breeze, he actually does it a lot when we have sex. To the point i ask him to stop... But when he ask for the bjs every after the intercourse he is lazy to to reciprocate.


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

Yeah, that's during sex. Different scenario.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Rosinwinter said:


> Catherine- yes i agree to what you said. I admit it was my fault for agreeing to it the first 2 months of our living together. Of course i wanted to pleasure him because i love him.
> Now i know he noticed the change in me with this situation. Started telling him to reciprocate, the first time he said, I'm cutting deals with him. So i explained that it's not cutting deals, I'm simply asking for reciprocation.
> He is already 58 & as they say, it's hard to teach old dogs new tricks.


Deal, ask him what the deal is. He gets orgasms using your mouth. Tell him that it is a good deal for him and bad for you. He has a strange idea of partnered sex. 

Ask him about his sex life with other partners. A He never had it so good. He takes you for granted if he thinks making love is a deal. 

What does he think your role is in lovemaking? To service him. Who made him so worthy? You will have to teach him what good partner sex is. 

This has all the makings of a sexless marriage If he is not careful he will be in a sexless marriage. Discuss that with him it real and he should know so that he has a chance to avoid it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Rosinwinter (Oct 29, 2015)

Well actually told him i just want reciprocation. Told him why does he think im cutting a deal when i just want what he wants. He just said he understands, so let's see.
His into foreign women, usually latinas who he says he never had a good relationship with like he does with me. He says I'm the best relationship he ever had that's why he proposed & married me. 
It keeps going around my head why he is the way he is. He is actually very good looking even for his age & he always tells me how head over heels his past gf/wife was with him. 
I do love him, but i still love myself more.
If his past relationships, the women go gaga for him & does what he ask for. 
Well sorry he found his match... So no more if he doesn't return the favor ;-)... 
Wish me luck peeps (",)


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Gurl I don't think I need to worry about you. He told you that about past gf? What are you supposed to do, follow suit? 

He is telling you that to manipulate you into giving more than you get How stupid and probably untrue. Where are they if they fawned all over him? Don't listen to stories about old gf, you are not going to service him period.

He may be a bit self-centered. He is not used to women making demands on him. You are going to have to become an expert on relationships and mutually satisfying sex. You are going to be a teacher. 

Did you ever ask him why he likes foreign women? He probably thinks they are not as demanding as American women. He should have learned by now that it is not true. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Rosinwinter (Oct 29, 2015)

Oh yes that's so true catherine, i totally agree. He does want to manipulate me... Well sorry, he should have known better.
When he started pursuing me, he said aside from my looks, my intelligence intrigued him. 
We actually have a lot in common...
Even if it was a long distance relationship, coming here was never a problem. I have a visa & financially we both can afford it. It was so easy for us, within 4 months into the relationship he proposed to me & of course i said yes.
We are both middle aged, we both want the same things. 
We actually get along so well, we have a great relationship. Except for that...
I think he is just so used to having his way w/ his past relationships.
Actually, he has a very big ego which i find ridiculously funny, & that, i found out slowly when we started living together.
But now i can feel he knows I'm not a push over. And i made it clear to him the other day when we had an arguement that if someone steps on me, i have a bigger foot to step on them.
Im a nice person but i can be a ***** if need be.
I just started this topic out of frustration, made me confused & curious on what can be the reason behind it. Had to hear it from other people & i needed to be able to pour out.
This actually helped a lot... Thank you to all of you (",)


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

I think the prognosis is good. You love him and he loves you so that is an excellent starting point. My posts seem a little hard core so let me temper what I said. You don't want sex to be a cold-hearted competition about who gets what. Make it about taking care of each other because you love each other. Talk about what you like.

This may take time, he is learning something new. He is not a bad man for being lazy he has been lulled into complacency by his partners who allowed it. So realize that and go easy on him, be patient. Change may come incrementally, with maybe a little back sliding every once in a while. I believe he will end up liking the kind of loving sex you are offering.


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