# So angry and hurt...



## viaVA (Feb 19, 2012)

Some background: H and I just celebrated our 8th anniversary, and have been together for 10 years. We got married very young (18 and 19) and had children very young (I was 17 and 20 when our sons were born.) H was in the Army during the first 7 years of our marriage. He did 3 deployments, missing the birth of both of our children. I took on all household responsabilities and caring for the children during this time, while also going to college full-time. Despite all the initial hardships, we have had a very happy marriage until recently. 

This morning, one of my H's co-workers called me, to tell me that H had sent her multiple text messages that she deemed inappropriate and that made her uncomfortable. This had been going on over the course of a month or so and she decided to tell me (we are friendly and we have done things socially with her.) She sent me all of the messages and I have confronted H about it. 

I just don't understand. While the past year of our marriage has had a lot of ups and downs, I thought it was all minor things. He travels for work a lot, leaving me to do most things around the house and with the kids, despite working full-time. It has caused a lot of resentment on my end and I do not always think he behaves appropriate while traveling (goes out drinking a lot.) But we had been working through these things, and the past 6 weeks had been wonderful. Except that this has been going on for the past month. If he was committed to working things through, and really thought things were getting better, why would he ruin it by doing this?! I feel so betrayed and hurt...I have done everything in my power to try to be a better wife, and this was my reward.

We have talked about marriage counseling, but I am not sure how much good it will do at this point. H doesn't even seem to want to fight for us.


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## CruxAve (Dec 30, 2011)

Why should he fight? You tolerate his crap. Give him the boot, and he might wake up.


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## cledus_snow (Feb 19, 2012)

you're holding on too tight. he doesn't want you anymore, so why would you go on chasing him?


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## crazyconfused (Nov 23, 2011)

You know this isn't the first time for him.. You need to snap his but out of La La land. Either he stops or he is done.. You can't control what he does, but you can control what you are willing to put up with
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## AngryandUsed (Jun 23, 2011)

It is hard for you to take care of all the things around. And on the top of it, his attempts to taste the greener pastures on the other side.

Maybe you know only some portion of what he is actually doing. Be vigilant.


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## viaVA (Feb 19, 2012)

I think marriage counseling scares me because I AM scared he's still not being honest. I'm scared of what else might come out that would be worse than this.

What if it doesn't work out? I like 15 hours away from my family, but my job is here. I don't even know if I could afford to stay in this area, as a single mom, on my salary. How does one contemplate leaving the only thing they've ever known?


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## I_Will_Survive (Oct 28, 2011)

viaVA said:


> I think marriage counseling scares me because I AM scared he's still not being honest. I'm scared of what else might come out that would be worse than this.
> 
> What if it doesn't work out? I like 15 hours away from my family, but my job is here. I don't even know if I could afford to stay in this area, as a single mom, on my salary. How does one contemplate leaving the only thing they've ever known?


First of all, he works, so he will have to at least give you child support, and depending on your relative salaries, he'll probably have to give you spousal support as well. (Not if you make more than him.)

Second of all, you don't want to stay in a relationship where you're scared he's not honest, and just scared to break up. That's not a good basis for a marriage. 

Look online to see if there's low-cost counseling you can go to, on your own. Find out some of the options that are open to you. Talk to someone who understands what you're going through and who can help you make some practical plans. 

And then if he's not willing to change, leave the SOB.


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