# Counseling..........Should I let him go with?



## Kcrat (Mar 18, 2011)

Hello everyone. I have a new question. Once my H and I separated 6 weeks ago, I have been an emotional wreck and obsessed with "fixing things" and making it a "all better." I have wanted so badly to attend counseling WITH him, but he refused and said we should go separately. Well, during one of my "emotional, I want to figure this out" phone conversations with him the other night he finally said, "Ok. Clearly we need to go to counseling together." NOTE! HE has wanted out of the marriage for a very long time. There has been infidelity and LOTS of other surprises, and he has NEVER shown true remorse, or a want to reconcile. Anyway, for the first time he has been saying,"I want to find out why I have done all the things I have done.......Why I constantly lie to you...............Is it just "mid life crisis? Do I have some very serious problems?" Do I really need a divorce from you." I was thrilled as I have had a desperate need to "solve 22 years of yuck." ANYWAY, (sorry for the rambling) when I caught him in more lies last week, something FINALLY clicked with me...........That this guy IS who he is, and that I need to let go, and move on! Been feeling much better, and liberated. I got an attorney, and am starting the process of divorce. (He has wanted out for a long time) SO.........HERE COMES MY QUESTION. I have now told him he will NOT attend counseling with me and that he can get help on his own. He did not beg, fight, or even say one word even though he had seemed truly excited to talk to someone. I hoped he would STILL express a desire to go with me, but he just took it. SHOULD I STILL LET HIM COME WITH ME TO COUNSELING TUESDAY? I don't have hope for us anymore, but the Dr. said sometimes people do if for a sort of "divorce care" thing. A means to working together and being civil. I have a horrible confession additionally. I feel like if he DOES come with, that he will start to feel all "warm and fuzzy" and better about HIMSELF and his horrible actions, and may not be so "pliable" when it comes to working out a settlement that is to my advantage monetarily. I am afraid if I go with him that I will have "false hope," he may want to come home, and the crud will all just start over again, but I guess "Miracles DO happen" sometimes. OR, maybe it would help us be friends. Do I WANT him to be my friend during negotiation phase? HELP?


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## LonelyNLost (Dec 11, 2010)

Can you possibly still go to your IC and he go to one as well. And then additionally you see a MC together? It's worth a shot. You don't want to regret not trying. But only you can make the decision in the end. Sounds like a tough one.


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## Kcrat (Mar 18, 2011)

@LonelyNLost~ I can tell you right now he will not initiate counseling on his own. He is not opposed to it at all, just won't take the lead, or "make something happen." Once I said he could no longer accompany me, it was a done deal. He did not say a word. Also, he would never tell EVERYTHING if he went alone. He would probably just confess to one affair, and not all the other scary, inappropriate stuff he has done. This is part of the problems we have had. The only things he seemed to be able to initiate were affairs, and hiding money! LOL


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## DelinquentGurl (Mar 25, 2011)

Well, you said that you are done with the marriage,
Then I would just go by myself.
If he doesn't want to go to counseling for himself, well that's on him.
It's too bad though, because he seems like he could really benefit from it.

Honestly, I think everyone could benefit from some sort of therapy. Even if you don't have serious issues.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

I wouldn't bother. Why do that to yourself, you owe him nothing. Just move forward.


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