# Was your gut ever wrong about cheating?



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Just curious.

If you suspected your spouse/SO of cheating, was your gut ever wrong?


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## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

No, years ago I just knew my boyfriend had cheated and I found out I was right.


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## AgentD (Dec 27, 2010)

Yes, I was wrong. My gut was never wrong about something be up, but it was wrong about cheating.

I think at the time because of My h's drinking there were many things that were causing the alarms to go off in my head, having a friend at the time who wasn't a good influence on me and thought ALL men cheated didn't help either. Never found anything after checking for along time, everything checked out ok.


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## Neil (Jan 5, 2011)

Yes...

See the "Oh no not me too" thread I posted.

I felt a right dingbat, but at least I knew to keep manning up instead of being the doormat wuss I was turning into


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

No  For my current situation, I keep hoping it is but too many things don't add up and my H is away from home for unexplainable hours at a time and his excuses to add up either.


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## twotimeloser (Feb 13, 2011)

No, and i hate that i am usually right about these things. LOL


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

My theory - your gut is just your subconscious putting things together that you haven't consciously connected yet.

Its not some magical "radar" - its some part of you picking up patterns that you either don't want to recognize, or just don't fully understand yet.

My gut was consistently correct about my wife's EAs.


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## Simon Phoenix (Aug 9, 2010)

No.

My gut was telling me that something did not feel right several weeks before finding the ugly truth on her cellphone but I shrugged it off. BIG MISTAKE...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Chrono (Mar 23, 2011)

My gut wasn't wrong and I knew something was wrong weeks before I finally found out. Sucks to be right sometimes.


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## Bigwayneo (Jan 22, 2011)

Before the Affair, No. Right now....all the time. Every little thing she does from putting makeup on before work to getting home 5-10 minutes late (even though she calls me) makes my gut crazy.


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## notreadytoquit (Jan 11, 2010)

My gut was absolutely correct but I needed solid proof before I made the accusation. It's a pretty big thing to accuse someone of infidelity


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## twotimeloser (Feb 13, 2011)

Bigwayneo said:


> Before the Affair, No. Right now....all the time. Every little thing she does from putting makeup on before work to getting home 5-10 minutes late (even though she calls me) makes my gut crazy.


I have a theory on that...

its has to do with 100% trust.

when we have 100% trust, the mistrust sticks out like a sore thumb. When there is a mixture of trust and mistrust, then we have no clue what is what. 

The same thing goes with our "enemies" You can trust your enemies 100% - In the sense that you know that everything they will do is against you. This is trust, just reversed trust.

So lets look at that in black and white... If you have a white sheet of paper, a black dot shows up easily. If you have a black paper, a white dot shows up easily. But is the paper is white and black speckled dots.. It becomes harder to sort it all out.

Well, after an affair, things are no longer black or white.. they are both, and we have a hard time sorting out anything.

Thats my theory at least.


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## Bigwayneo (Jan 22, 2011)

twotimeloser said:


> I have a theory on that...
> 
> its has to do with 100% trust.
> 
> ...


:iagree::iagree:

That is probably the best explained answer I have ever seen. Simple, smart. :smthumbup:


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## Niceguy13 (Apr 7, 2011)

twotimeloser said:


> I have a theory on that...
> 
> its has to do with 100% trust.
> 
> ...


Bingo I don't know if I can trust my gut anymore but my gut was right on the initial accusation and my gut was right that she broke NC. Guess what gut 2 her 0 sticking with the gut.


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

I see the gut as kind of “speaking to us” in a subconscious way, it’s like a sixth sense. While we’re taking other information in, body language, behaviour over time, the words spoken, the deceits and lies, even the sense of smell with a changed perfume, the clothing, the gut prods away at us saying “something’s not adding up, something is wrong, it’s not making sense”.

It is very much like intuition, the gut instinct. So we use our other five senses to check our gut, our intuition out. And we try and understand and to “rationalise” and maybe even be logical about it all. So we get more input from our other senses and still the gut says “It’s not adding up”.

Trust your gut, trust your intuition and “instinct”. But check it out, even by snooping.

Bob


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## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

nice777guy said:


> My theory - your gut is just your subconscious putting things together that you haven't consciously connected yet. Its some part of you picking up patterns that you either don't want to recognize, or just don't fully understand yet.


To a degree, I agree with the above statement. I also believe I might have a "magic radar"... Rotflmao.

To answer the question, No. I was never wrong about my "gut feelings". Even when given evidence that I was "crazy" and "paranoid" I could never let go of that gut feeling... When I tried to convince myself maybe I was just _off_ in my suspicions... I couldn't.


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## upsetmommy (Apr 9, 2011)

Pit-of-my-stomach said:


> To answer the question, No. I was never wrong about my "gut feelings". Even when given evidence that I was "crazy" and "paranoid" I could never let go of that gut feeling... When I tried to convince myself maybe I was just _off_ in my suspicions... I couldn't.


I was not wrong either, and like you He gave me plenty of proof that I was "crazy" I had even looked into checking myself into a mental health hospital because I just could not let go of the idea and I could not find any proof to back up my feelings. After two months of causing myself to go crazy I gave up, soon after giving up my "quest" to prove he was cheating I got a e-mail from the girl he had been seeing detailing how he had got a pre-pay phone to call her and sure enough when I called it there he was on the other end of the line...


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Nope. I am an excellent detector of what other people think and do. It's me I blindside. I don't know **** about me.


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## RWB (Feb 6, 2010)

Nope,

God Bless the GUT! No vision to be blurred by, No sound to be talked out of, No smell to be distracted by.


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## Mike188 (Dec 29, 2009)

I still don't know for sure and that is hard. My gut tells me one thing but my wife swears over and over that nothing ever happened and that she has never in her life cheated on me. But there are just too many things, too many weird things for me to ever be able to just blow it off and accept that as the truth. It would be so much easier to just know one way or the other but I will never really KNOW. That is what is hard when your gut keeps telling you something else. To suspect something and have a spouse with a history of lying about everything then deny over and over with such conviction.

Our counselor says that I have an almost hyper-aware personality and that I can read people like no one she has ever seen due to my childhood. She says I can detect an 1/100th degree emotional change in a person from across the room and know that's something is wrong. The problem is that when I tell my wife what is wrong or what is bothering her she denies it, which screws up my need for accurate feedback. This throws me into some kind of inner self doubting mode knowing that I am right but then questioning myself at the same time. Usually she will fess up that I was right. But there is no way she will ever admit to something she has done wrong. Everything inappropriate thing that I am aware of are things that I have discovered on my own but that she initially lied about every bit of it until I convinced her how utterly ridiculious her BS story was.


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## WasDecimated (Mar 23, 2011)

No, unfortunately my gut was right in both of my marriages. 

My first marriage ended 20 years ago when I found out first wife had slept with a co-worker when she was supposed to be out with her girl friends. My gut feelings started the next morning upon waking! By 9:00 am I had a confession. Monday morning I was sitting in a attorneys office. I divorced her and didn't look back. She regretted it and wanted to stay and work on it but we were only married for 2 years and had no kids. It hurt me badly but I turned her down and moved on. She continued to call me, send flowers, cards, gifts and would even park down the block waiting for me to get home from work for a year and a half!!!

Sadly enough, my gut felling was right again in my current marriage as well. If you are interested here is the whole story. My reaction this time has been very different. We have 3 children and over 14 years invested. She insists it was only a EA and has verbally committed to our marriage. I have my doubts but am still committed to R until we succeed or decide I can't take it anymore.

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/23812-trying-hold-together-ww.html

I would never ignore my gut feeling. It my not tell you everything but it is a good indication that something is not right.


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## just_peachy (Apr 8, 2011)

My gut has not been wrong. It's just my head and heart have had trouble keeping up.


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## ladyybyrd (Jan 4, 2011)

I am not sure yet, if my gut is wrong or not. It has been almost a year since "the gut" feeling kicked it. I haven't found anything. I have tried everything and I do mean everything. So maybe my gut is wrong this time (it never has been in the past.)


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## Niceguy13 (Apr 7, 2011)

Mike188 said:


> I still don't know for sure and that is hard. My gut tells me one thing but my wife swears over and over that nothing ever happened and that she has never in her life cheated on me. But there are just too many things, too many weird things for me to ever be able to just blow it off and accept that as the truth. It would be so much easier to just know one way or the other but I will never really KNOW. That is what is hard when your gut keeps telling you something else. To suspect something and have a spouse with a history of lying about everything then deny over and over with such conviction.
> 
> Our counselor says that I have an almost hyper-aware personality and that I can read people like no one she has ever seen due to my childhood. She says I can detect an 1/100th degree emotional change in a person from across the room and know that's something is wrong. The problem is that when I tell my wife what is wrong or what is bothering her she denies it, which screws up my need for accurate feedback. This throws me into some kind of inner self doubting mode knowing that I am right but then questioning myself at the same time. Usually she will fess up that I was right. But there is no way she will ever admit to something she has done wrong. Everything inappropriate thing that I am aware of are things that I have discovered on my own but that she initially lied about every bit of it until I convinced her how utterly ridiculious her BS story was.


I am the same way mike, very good at reading subtle body language shifts, nuances in tone of voice etc.I went through the same spiral where my heart wanted to believe her because I love her and the rest of me was screaming you know the truth you know the truth. 

It has to be one of the most hurtful things for your spouse to know you can read them like a book about certain things that they know you know they are lieing and still refuse to tell you the truth. Unfortunatley for me there is no convincing her of how utter BS her story is. She is stubborn bull headed and hates conflict. All it would do is add to me being the bad guy so not the answer for me.


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## TKBettis0418 (Oct 5, 2011)

twotimeloser said:


> I have a theory on that...
> 
> its has to do with 100% trust.
> 
> ...


yea thats true but what if ur fiance is always accusing u and uve never done anything to make him think that ur being unfaithful??


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## daisygirl 41 (Aug 5, 2011)

In my gut i knew something wasnt right for weeks. He was distant and his personality had changed. But an A was furthest from my mind. So when i found out he had been having an EA with a co worker i felt like i had been hit by a truck.


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

My gut is 1-for-3.

Even though I knew our marriage was not doing very well, I NEVER thought my wife would actually fall in love, and express that, to another man. Ever. I was blindsided by an email exchange between them that I miraculously saw. Gut wrong.

When my WW went on vacation with her girlfriends 3 weeks after DDay my gut told me that despite her agreeing to NC, that she wasn't really ready for NC, and that she would sneak talking to him while gone. She was. Gut right.

Since that time my gut has occasionally pinged at things and feelings I've had, but every time I verified since that trip, my WW has been honest and not contacted the OM. Gut wrong.


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## oceanch1d (Oct 5, 2011)

Unfortunately for me, no. But I didn't understand my gut. I knew I was jealous of this other woman, but she lived in Chicago and I have friends of another gender, why can't he?! Unfortunately, once I found out something untoward _was_ going on, every time I suspected something more, later I would find out it was true. I'm sure it is different for every person, but for me my "6th sense" has (sadly) been right every time. 

I think you should really inspect your gut feeling and where it is coming from. Then (especially if you think you are missing a chunk of the picture) investigate. I hate that that that is the only way to know, because it will tear you up inside, but the shame of cheating combined with the possibility of losing you (if he wants to stay--he won't admit to it) will make the cover-up a good one if it continues.


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## oceanch1d (Oct 5, 2011)

ladyybyrd said:


> I am not sure yet, if my gut is wrong or not. It has been almost a year since "the gut" feeling kicked it. I haven't found anything. I have tried everything and I do mean everything. So maybe my gut is wrong this time (it never has been in the past.)


I hope it is! It is the worst when you stumble across it unexpectedly, which sounds like the only way anything will come out. Have you done the keyloggers/GPS/phone and credit card bills? I've found that if it is serious, money will be missing, if you have access.


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## Hoosier (May 17, 2011)

I never ever thought my x would cheat on me. After a few instances my gut told me to just check, I haphazaredly looked at her cell phone not expecting anything only to find the "You are my Sole (yes spelled wrong) mate" texts from the OM. Trust your gut!


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Solemate? Seriously? What an idiot.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> Solemate? Seriously? What an idiot.


if he's a solemate then it explains on why he's such a heel


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Yup.

But I'm paranoid to begin with...lol...my gut wasn't trustworthy.


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## WillS (Sep 1, 2011)

Whether or not my gut is correct is a big part of why I'm here. I don't know. As I've written in my two threads my wife probably was involved in an EA, possibly a PA, and maybe multiple EAs over the years. I don't know and she won't say. 

One thing that's troubled me in terms of my gut feeling was the one time, over a year ago, that I had the feeling she'd done something inappropriate, she assured me there was nothing. Well that was disproven by her coworkers later that week and she'd admitted lying. I'd never had that feeling before in our marriage going on 10 years. 

Since then, when my gut has told me there's more to a story about another man, when I've pressed she's admitted more. For example, her story about the guy I think that she had an EA with most recently (the maybe a PA too situation), she told me he was just a guy she worked with who bothered her. Then I found out her coworkers thought she and he were an item. Then she admitted he was a work friend. Then he was a guy who hit on her. Then he was a guy who she wanted to sleep with if he'd ever played his cards right. Etc. Etc. 

These admissions all occurred over the course of months of talks and arguments. But after the fact she'll deny everything, try to take it back, tell me I'm putting words in her mouth. Then another time there was this other guy...

So my gut hasn't been wrong yet in terms of sensing somethings been "off" in her behavior. But what exactly I'm dealing with hasn't been made clear to me yet. Thus this forum and the men's clubhouse forum, where I've gotten some awesome advice.


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## this is bad (Aug 13, 2011)

My gut was right on the money.

I was beginning to suspect something was going one with the all of the text messages I would see on the account but not on the phone. Being on FB for hours on end.

I simply asked in a very calm tone of voice.... "what's going on between you and OM?"

It was like a river/water fall of information. Her feeling and emotions for the OM. Because of my reaction, she felt comfortable to tell me everything. Every detail.

I was in so much shock, I didn't know what to do. And everything I did after getting the information was wrong. 

Will I trust my gut? Always!!!!


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## disappointed123 (Jul 26, 2011)

Hoosier said:


> I never ever thought my x would cheat on me. After a few instances my gut told me to just check, I haphazaredly looked at her cell phone not expecting anything only to find the "You are my Sole (yes spelled wrong) mate" texts from the OM. Trust your gut!


My gut has always been right. My wife has called her 'boyfriend' her soul mate. And I know for a fact they have never even had a real-life date.. just email and phone calls.. psycho!


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

disappointed123 said:


> My gut has always been right. My wife has called her 'boyfriend' her soul mate. And I know for a fact they have never even had a real-life date.. just email and phone calls.. psycho!


I hear that! It's simply incredible how two people can fall head over heels like that without having been together in the real world. But it happens all the time, even in cases where both people are single. 

As for the original question, nope. My gut has never been wrong. In my first marriage, I suspected right away. But after that trauma, I must have repressed the memory after so many years, that I didn't recognize it right away. I just knew something was wrong by all her actions and almost complete change in personality.


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## Hoosier (May 17, 2011)

Jelly and Almost: LOL. Truth is stranger than fiction. 
Lord: Yes it is amazing how two people can fall for each other that way. My x and I dated 5 years before we married. She never even went on a date with OM, when I discovered A she immediately moved in with him and talk of marriage is now going around....amazing.


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## Craggy456 (Feb 22, 2011)

My gut was right on the money


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## Yardman (Sep 10, 2011)

Yes but No, I killed a situation that was going to bring one about that was in the early stages of an EA. That was a couple of years ago. China must have been jealous of all my red flags.

I may be guilty of of being too vigilant for those flags now-a-days, but I'm not a jerk in how I handle the situation now. Back then I was clueless on how to deal with it.

I didn't post here back then, but did much reading. That did make a HUGE difference on how I handled myself and the out come of the situation.


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

ladyybyrd said:


> I am not sure yet, if my gut is wrong or not. It has been almost a year since "the gut" feeling kicked it. I haven't found anything. I have tried everything and I do mean everything. So maybe my gut is wrong this time (it never has been in the past.)


I posted this a little while ago (above)

My gut was not entirely wrong. I knew something was wrong, but it was not at all what i thought it was... he wasn't cheating persay.


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