# The actual NEED for sex, is it based on what your use to?



## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

So, its going on right at a week with no sex or intimacy on any level (not bad reasons, just circumstances) and me the LD spouse is grumpy. I'm not horny per say, but I do find myself thinking about sex. Does that make sense? We're planning it for tonight, but I'm just wondering if this is a form of my body telling me I need something.. nothing else is really bothering me that I can think of.

lol.. I've always questioned the actual NEED that I've read about . I think it might be happening.. but without the actual horny feeling. Is that possible?


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

I do lots of things without feeling horny. I go to work, accompany my wife to the store, mow the lawn, rub her back, etc. Things need to be done regardless of what my emotions happen to be doing. My emotions may urge me to jump the bones of half the women I see throughout the day or to punch my boss in the nose. I feel emotions but I don't have to be a slave to them. We have to justify all our actions (and inactions). You can choose to push your husband away but you'll have to justify that action by telling yourself his needs aren't important or they aren't as important as your's or he doesn't deserve to be cared for, or that sex just isn't really that important. Do this long enough and your justifications will turn into a self-fulfilling prophesy. Your husband will also very likely be gone. Conversely, even if you don't just magically "feel" like doing something, if you do it, you will have to justify that to yourself as well. Perform the action often enough and you'll find that you're doing it because it's important to you.


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## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

unbelievable said:


> I do lots of things without feeling horny. I go to work, accompany my wife to the store, mow the lawn, rub her back, etc. Things need to be done regardless of what my emotions happen to be doing. My emotions may urge me to jump the bones of half the women I see throughout the day or to punch my boss in the nose. I feel emotions but I don't have to be a slave to them. We have to justify all our actions (and inactions). You can choose to push your husband away but you'll have to justify that action by telling yourself his needs aren't important or they aren't as important as your's or he doesn't deserve to be cared for, or that sex just isn't really that important. Do this long enough and your justifications will turn into a self-fulfilling prophesy. Your husband will also very likely be gone. Conversely, even if you don't just magically "feel" like doing something, if you do it, you will have to justify that to yourself as well. Perform the action often enough and you'll find that you're doing it because it's important to you.


Did you read the part about circumstances? It's not pushing my H away. I've been on my P, he's had another herpes break out, I've been out of town for a day this week... It just hasn't been on the radar this week for either of us and that's why we are planning it for tonight. What is your problem?


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Where is any of that referenced in your OP?


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## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

unbelievable said:


> Where is any of that referenced in your OP?


In my first sentence "not bad reasons, just circumstances". Sorry I didn't spell out the circumstances in my first post, but I indicate it was nothing bad...


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## The Renegade (May 16, 2012)

I'm not sure if I get your question right. It seems you do a lot of planning when it comes to sex. (Maybe a lot of people do that. My wife and me, we don't.) So, in that sense, when you do the planning, you're probably thinking of sex while not feeling horny. You might think of it often during day then in anticipation of the nice things to happen later on while at that moment still not feeling horny. Is it possible? Sure, why not?


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## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

The Renegade said:


> I'm not sure if I get your question right. It seems you do a lot of planning when it comes to sex. (Maybe a lot of people do that. My wife and me, we don't.) So, in that sense, when you do the planning, you're probably thinking of sex while not feeling horny. You might think of it often during day then in anticipation of the nice things to happen later on while at that moment still not feeling horny. Is it possible? Sure, why not?


We have to have some level of planning with how our lives are at the moment. Toddler twins require quite a bit of energy, coupled with both of us working full time as well as a few other things going on. We might catch each other alone in the bathroom and really want it right then, but it just can't happen at that moment for X reason (small child choking another small child right outside our door, screaming at the top of their lungs .. not very romantic at that moment), so we have to plan... Or I'm getting off my P, he's clearing up.. just giving it another day for safety reasons.. so we plan


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## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

The Renegade said:


> I'm not sure if I get your question right. It seems you do a lot of planning when it comes to sex. (Maybe a lot of people do that. My wife and me, we don't.) So, in that sense, when you do the planning, you're probably thinking of sex while not feeling horny. You might think of it often during day then in anticipation of the nice things to happen later on while at that moment still not feeling horny. Is it possible? Sure, why not?


And yeah, it could be anticipating. That's prolly a good thing too.. that hasn't happen in a while. Maybe I just don't recognize it? lol. I should embrase this hard .


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## nader (May 4, 2011)

I'm glad you are planning on going through with it even though you don't feel horny. I think the planning is a great idea, because it establishes that it's a priority just like groceries/child care/etc.

Without good planning and time management, it's the first thing to get bumped from the agenda, which can get really frustrating for the HD spouse.

Why is it that my wife will flip out if an item is missing from our son's daycare bag, or she gets a few minutes less sleep than she needs, but thinks nothing of leaving me frustrated and disappointed every time she neglects me sexually?

Last night we had things to get a Target, to get ready for a cookout this weekend. We had to eat dinner first.. everything deciding where to eat, etc. took forever. It was hurry, hurry, it's getting late! Then - let's stop for ice cream on the way home!

And then of course sex is off the menu because it was so late. My wife unintentionally sends me the message that she'd rather stop for ice cream than make time for me. Then we argue about it.

The time and energy spent pulling over for ice cream, and then arguing about sex... could so obviously been better spent *having sex*! But when she doesn't need it the same way I do, the point is entirely lost on her.


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## The Renegade (May 16, 2012)

Cherry said:


> And yeah, it could be anticipating. That's prolly a good thing too.. that hasn't happen in a while. Maybe I just don't recognize it? lol. I should embrase this hard .


No matter which. Go for it and enjoy it. Looks like you definitely deserve it. Cheers.


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