# Connecticut Divorce Experience - Alimony



## msmith434343 (Oct 16, 2021)

Hi everyone!

I have filed for divorce in Connecticut where my husband is living and he met the residency requirements.

Have any of you been through divorce in CT with no children involved? I was curious if you received alimony, and if so, how much, if you don't mind me asking? Did your spouse cheat on you and the judge took that into consideration in the alimony decision?

Apparently, each judge is different as far as awarding alimony or not, and if so, how much is completely up to each judge's discretion. There is no formula like there would be with child support.

He makes $200,000+/year and I make less than $40,000 so not near enough to support myself by myself. Ugh.

He had a three-month-long affair, planning a new life with her, etc., spoiling her rotten with money we did not have. The affair is only over because I found out when he sent me a text meant for her by mistake. He had also been soliciting prostitutes, which I had no idea of and was pretty shocked, as well as spent every single penny we had of our life savings on a business that failed in months. We literally have no savings. There will just be the equity in our house. But he does make a lot of money.

We have been married 24 years, I'm 58 years old with zero savings, nothing. I can't believe what has become of my life. Yikes.

Anyway, curious about what alimony you were awarded, if any, and if the judge took cheating into consideration or not. I know they CAN, just curious of the experience of those who have actually gone through a divorce in CT in my situation and the result. If you don't feel free posting, please message me. 

Thank you! 
Melissa


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

msmith434343 said:


> Hi everyone!
> 
> I have filed for divorce in Connecticut where my husband is living and he met the residency requirements.
> 
> ...


Here's a Connecticut maintenence/alimoney calculator. I entered the data you provided on incomes and length of marraige. You'd be getting $4,333.33 a month in alimony.










Connecticut Maintenance (Alimony) Calculator | Legal Calculators


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Why did you file in Connecticut and not the state where you live?

Did your attorney tell you that you might not get alimony?

Understanding and Calculating Alimony in Connecticut | DivorceNet 

The Comprehensive Connecticut Guide | Call Us (860) 530-4313 (freedmarcroft.com)


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

I think you are wrong thinking you can't live on $40,000. There are 2 of us living on less than that and we are in the UK where prices are higher than there generally. 
However your husband earns a massive wage so if you can get some alimony then go for it. I would think that there may be a time limit on it or that it may stop if you marry again.


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## msmith434343 (Oct 16, 2021)

EleGirl said:


> Here's a Connecticut maintenence/alimoney calculator. I entered the data you provided on incomes and length of marraige. You'd be getting $4,333.33 a month in alimony.
> 
> View attachment 86941
> 
> ...


Holy smokes! Wow. Thank you very much. All seven of the attorneys I interviewed gave me varying opinions on alimony, and told me it was totally judge's discretion. And here you find a chart. Thank you so much!! I really appreciate this.

Melissa


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## msmith434343 (Oct 16, 2021)

EleGirl said:


> Why did you file in Connecticut and not the state where you live?
> 
> Did your attorney tell you that you might not get alimony?
> 
> ...


He moved up there for work, and has now met the residency requirement at this point. CT courts can take his cheating and spending our life savings without my knowledge into account, and in my state, which is no fault, it wouldn't matter.


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## msmith434343 (Oct 16, 2021)

Diana7 said:


> I think you are wrong thinking you can't live on $40,000. There are 2 of us living on less than that and we are in the UK where prices are higher than there generally.
> However your husband earns a massive wage so if you can get some alimony then go for it. I would think that there may be a time limit on it or that it may stop if you marry again.


Long, boring story, but after he started the business I didn't know about and spent every penny we had, he also got far behind on the mortgage. He's a control freak and I didn't have
access to any accounts, etc., to see what was going on. He would pitch a fit and tell me not to open "his" mail. I finally had enough of seeing all these certified letters coming in, opened up and 
found the nightmare. So he ruined his credit. Then we had two air conditioner units that went out - both pricey, that I had to take out credit for in my name, I also ended up putting a few thousand on my credit cards for things he couldn't pay after he'd been paying them 23 years, he got his teeth knocked out somehow (never did get the truth on that one), so I charged replacing his teeth to the tune of several thousand dollars. 

My daughter totaled her car. She and I went to buy her another one. Had another nasty surprise there that he had not been paying her student loans. He had told her he was going to pay for her college, so we didn't think anything of it. So he ruined her credit and I had to put her car in my name. 

Now I have way too much debt to income. Yes, I could live on $40K a year, but not with all this unexpected debt and his unexpected affair and divorce. I can't add rent or mortgage, utilities, and all the rest onto what I'm already in debt for. I wasn't prepared for this. It all happened at the same time.

I also live in an area where everyone is moving to - home prices, if you can find one for sale, are extremely inflated - extremely. Regular houses that were selling for $180K or so are now selling for $400K. My boss had been trying to buy a house for a year. They ended up always bidding $50,000 over asking because they never could win the bidding wars. The last house they bid on went for $100K over the already inflated asking price. It's insane here. I plan on moving an hour or two outside of town to hopefully find cheaper housing, but I don't want to go too far because my daughters and three-year-old grandson live here. I'm angry at 58 years old this all happened out of the blue.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

msmith434343 said:


> Long, boring story, but after he started the business I didn't know about and spent every penny we had, he also got far behind on the mortgage. He's a control freak and I didn't have
> access to any accounts, etc., to see what was going on. He would pitch a fit and tell me not to open "his" mail. I finally had enough of seeing all these certified letters coming in, opened up and
> found the nightmare. So he ruined his credit. Then we had two air conditioner units that went out - both pricey, that I had to take out credit for in my name, I also ended up putting a few thousand on my credit cards for things he couldn't pay after he'd been paying them 23 years, he got his teeth knocked out somehow (never did get the truth on that one), so I charged replacing his teeth to the tune of several thousand dollars.
> 
> ...


Them you definitely need alimony for all that. 
Do you have a joint house right now?


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## msmith434343 (Oct 16, 2021)

Diana7 said:


> Them you definitely need alimony for all that.
> Do you have a joint house right now?


Yes, I will get half of the equity in our home. It's not a ton, but will be helpful to put down on maybe a tiny house outside of town. I'm getting frustrated because moderators keep closing my threads because it says I'm seeking legal advice. I'm not though, at all. I have a great attorney I am very pleased with. I understand perfectly the law there. I'm just wanting actual CT residents' input on what they received as alimony in the end because it's all up to each judge. You never know what you'll actually get until that final day. Thank you!!


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

msmith434343 said:


> Long, boring story, but after he started the business I didn't know about and spent every penny we had, he also got far behind on the mortgage. He's a control freak and I didn't have
> access to any accounts, etc., to see what was going on. He would pitch a fit and tell me not to open "his" mail. I finally had enough of seeing all these certified letters coming in, opened up and
> found the nightmare. So he ruined his credit. Then we had two air conditioner units that went out - both pricey, that I had to take out credit for in my name, I also ended up putting a few thousand on my credit cards for things he couldn't pay after he'd been paying them 23 years, he got his teeth knocked out somehow (never did get the truth on that one), so I charged replacing his teeth to the tune of several thousand dollars.
> 
> ...


Do you even know what his debts are? When you divorce, if he has debt you don't know about and he does not pay, the creditors can still come after you for any debt he made while the two of you were married.

With all of this you might want to consider going bankrupt. The two of you could do it while going through your divorce. That way the debt is wiped out. You can keep your home, car, etc.


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## msmith434343 (Oct 16, 2021)

EleGirl said:


> Do you even know what his debts are? When you divorce, if he has debt you don't know about and he does not pay, the creditors can still come after you for any debt he made while the two of you were married.
> 
> With all of this you might want to consider going bankrupt. The two of you could do it while going through your divorce. That way the debt is wiped out. You can keep your home, car, etc.


Yes, I now know what his debts are, and it's not pretty. While I was negotiating with attorneys and humiliating myself getting payment arrangements set up with each one that would sue him, he was having his coke fiend sleeping in his bed up there spoiling her rotten. Ugh. He did put all of that credit/loans in his business name, and although guaranteed by him personally, the judge will definitely see that I am not liable for them and they can't come after me because it's in his business name, which I had no idea about or nothing to do with.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

msmith434343 said:


> Yes, I now know what his debts are, and it's not pretty. While I was negotiating with attorneys and humiliating myself getting payment arrangements set up with each one that would sue him, he was having his coke fiend sleeping in his bed up there spoiling her rotten. Ugh. He did put all of that credit/loans in his business name, and although guaranteed by him personally, the judge will definitely see that I am not liable for them and they can't come after me because it's in his business name, which I had no idea about or nothing to do with.


What is the legal form of his company? C-corp, S-corp, LLC, sole propriatorship?


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

Diana7 said:


> I think you are wrong thinking you can't live on $40,000. There are 2 of us living on less than that and we are in the UK where prices are higher than there generally.
> However your husband earns a massive wage so if you can get some alimony then go for it. I would think that there may be a time limit on it or that it may stop if you marry again.


Connecticut has some of the highest cost of living in the U.S. Speaking from experience having lived there for two years, $40,000 is not nearly enough. 

Sent from my Pixel 6 using Tapatalk


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

farsidejunky said:


> Connecticut has some of the highest cost of living in the U.S. Speaking from experience having lived there for two years, $40,000 is not nearly enough.
> 
> Sent from my Pixel 6 using Tapatalk


I doubt its as expensive as in the UK where things like gas and housing is far more expensive than in the USA. 
I would be more than happy to have that much to live on and there are two of us.


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## msmith434343 (Oct 16, 2021)

Diana7 said:


> I doubt its as expensive as in the UK where things like gas and housing is far more expensive than in the USA.
> I would be more than happy to have that much to live on and there are two of us.


I keep getting this comment, and while I appreciate your thoughts, I live in the number one area people from all over are moving to. Home prices, apartments, rentals, all are extremely inflated - ridiculously so in numbers we've never seen before due to everyone moving here. Homes are selling $100,000 over already super inflated asking prices at times, but definitely at least $50K over. As I explained above, due to his irresponsibility, I am in so much debt for things that broke around the house, two ACs, our home was flooded, expensive dental work for him, just on and on. He stopped paying my daughter's student loans - he's the one who said he would put her through school - no one was twisting his arm. But he didn't say anything after he stopped paying them. When she totalled her car and I went with her for her to buy another one, we discovered he ruined her credit. I had to put her car in my name. He fell months behind on the mortgage and didn't say a word. When I found out, we were three weeks away from foreclosure. My sister was kind enough to loan the money to catch it up. So I am drowning in debt because of his decisions. So adding on expensive housing and utilities at this point are just not possible. I will never file bankruptcy, though. I'm going to work through this. I did take in two roommates which I never thought I would and using that money to pay down my debt, I work long hours and am doing everything I can do lower my debt and get out of this nightmare.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

msmith434343 said:


> I keep getting this comment, and while I appreciate your thoughts, I live in the number one area people from all over are moving to. Home prices, apartments, rentals, all are extremely inflated - ridiculously so in numbers we've never seen before due to everyone moving here. Homes are selling $100,000 over already super inflated asking prices at times, but definitely at least $50K over. As I explained above, due to his irresponsibility, I am in so much debt for things that broke around the house, two ACs, our home was flooded, expensive dental work for him, just on and on. He stopped paying my daughter's student loans - he's the one who said he would put her through school - no one was twisting his arm. But he didn't say anything after he stopped paying them. When she totalled her car and I went with her for her to buy another one, we discovered he ruined his credit. I had to put her car in my name. He fell months behind on the mortgage and didn't say a word. When I found out, we were three weeks away from foreclosure. My sister was kind enough to loan the money to catch it up. So I am drowning in debt because of his decisions. So adding on expensive housing and utilities at this point are just not possible. I will never file bankruptcy, though. I'm going to work through this. I did take in two roommates which I never thought I would and using that money to pay down my debt, I work long hours and am doing everything I can do lower my debt and get out of this nightmare.


Housing in many parts of the UK has always been very expensive sadly. That's why so many young couples can't afford to buy at all. It's sad, they are stuck with paying mega high rents.
I have family members who moved hours away so they could afford a place, is that a possibility for you? 
At least the very high prices means you will get a good price for your place which is good. Do you have a fair sized house?


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Diana7 said:


> I doubt its as expensive as in the UK where things like gas and housing is far more expensive than in the USA.
> I would be more than happy to have that much to live on and there are two of us.


But, the both of you have been frugal with your sparse money, and have set yourself up (financially) accordingly.

....................................................................................................................

Her errant husband, and her other unfortunate life circumstances have buried her in debt.

The court may order her bum of a husband to pay alimony, but I suspect he will renege, get hauled into court a few times and end up losing his high paying job.

His downward spiral will continue.

I see this as a *train of evil events* (7th house) that has beset her.

At this stage of her life, it makes it even worse. It will be hard to overcome in the short working years, going forward.


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## msmith434343 (Oct 16, 2021)

SunCMars said:


> But, the both of you have been frugal with your sparse money, and have set yourself up (financially) accordingly.
> 
> ....................................................................................................................
> 
> ...


Thank you for understanding. I learned a very hard lesson. I should never, ever have relied on him for my future as far as letting him control everything, savings, investments, everything. I'm very independent, so I can't believe I did that - I know better. I just never dreamed this would happen. He was a great guy when we married and for many years. But he seriously lost his freaking mind and I do not even know who he is anymore. No one does. 

I am sure when the judge orders alimony - each attorney I spoke with said I meet every standard as far as all the bad things he did - but I'll bet you he just quits this high-paying job. But I'm going for it anyway  I completely agree with you that his downward spiral will continue. It's been going on for two years now and his thinking and reasoning has gone out the window. I'll be fine in the end. xoxox


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## msmith434343 (Oct 16, 2021)

Diana7 said:


> Housing in many parts of the UK has always been very expensive sadly. That's why so many young couples can't afford to buy at all. It's sad, they are stuck with paying mega high rents.
> I have family members who moved hours away so they could afford a place, is that a possibility for you?
> At least the very high prices means you will get a good price for your place which is good. Do you have a fair sized house?


Yes, I will have to move hours away, which breaks my heart as my daughters and 3-year-old grandson live here. For me to have to be the one to move away because of all he did just makes me sick. 
But my plan is to get a cute tiny home -- well, not the 300/400 sf tiny homes, but there are actually really cute, small modular, move out into the boonies where I can afford a tiny bit of land, and live there. Thankfully, I work from home and can do that. I will pay off my debt with the equity from the sale of the house. Won't have much left over, but will have a small amount to put down on a very small house. Which is fine with me because I am so ready to downsize anyway.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

msmith434343 said:


> Yes, I will have to move hours away, which breaks my heart as my daughters and 3-year-old grandson live here. For me to have to be the one to move away because of all he did just makes me sick.
> But my plan is to get a cute tiny home -- well, not the 300/400 sf tiny homes, but there are actually really cute, small modular, move out into the boonies where I can afford a tiny bit of land, and live there. Thankfully, I work from home and can do that. I will pay off my debt with the equity from the sale of the house. Won't have much left over, but will have a small amount to put down on a very small house. Which is fine with me because I am so ready to downsize anyway.


I feel for you. I have had to loose my home and downsize twice but at least it's much cheaper to run a small place, especially with so many bills going up a lot right now. 
I hope you don't have to move far from your daughters and grandchild. We live 5 hours drive away from 2 of ours but near the third. 
I just don't get why he isn't responsible for the debts.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

msmith434343 said:


> Thank you for understanding. I learned a very hard lesson. I should never, ever have relied on him for my future as far as letting him control everything, savings, investments, everything. I'm very independent, so I can't believe I did that - I know better. I just never dreamed this would happen. He was a great guy when we married and for many years. But he seriously lost his freaking mind and I do not even know who he is anymore. No one does.
> 
> I am sure when the judge orders alimony - each attorney I spoke with said I meet every standard as far as all the bad things he did - but I'll bet you he just quits this high-paying job. But I'm going for it anyway  I completely agree with you that his downward spiral will continue. It's been going on for two years now and his thinking and reasoning has gone out the window. I'll be fine in the end. xoxox


It could be that he is another careless victim of the drug epidemic.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

@msmith434343,

I wonder about all this debt stuff. In many states, both husband and wife are responsible for all debt and in divorce, it's divided 50/50 just like assets are.

So your husband should be 50% transponible for any debt in your name. Also, I wonder if you could negotiate some of his responsibility for your debt and some of the alimony so that you get your home 100%. Since it seems that he's something of an irresponsible dead beat, it might be hard for you to collect on alimony from him. If you get home, then you could sell it and get the cash up front from that sale. Or if you could afford to, you could keep living in your home. 

Connecticut is an equitable division state, which means that debts, like property, are to be divided fairly between the parties. Despite the term, equitable does not mean equal—there is no requirement that debts be split 50/50—even if that is how the debts were acquired in the first place. 
Connecticut Property Division | Westport Divorce Attorney | Fairfield County Family Law (raphaellaw.com)


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