# Do you ever fall back in love?



## 2yearsince

I know it's an odd question and there is likely no real answer but curious peoples thoughts. I truely loved my wife the first say 5 years we were married (at 20 though). Lots of struggles having a kid at 20 but we went through it. Lots of family problems on her side that effected us as well. I would have done anything for her. the next 5 years I still loved her and treated her well even though she had many issues (not that I was perfect) and her family was horrible. The next 5 years were off and on but our situation was better. I really did still love her even if it often felt like going through the motions. Again I am not perfect but she gets distant, doesnt handle anything well, and I could never talk to her about my stuff cause it was too much. Never felt like I had a partner but still loved her. 

2 years ago she had a serious EA with photo exchanges and potential plans. Knowing I loved her when it happend and our 2 kids I wanted to try to get through. It seems like we are through that as she is back to pre EA self and I honestly forgive her and have no anger. I am just a very emotional/sensative guy inside and feel no connection to her anymore. She is like a good friend to me now. I just struggle with it. I know this is not enough for me to be happy but then again am I trying to find something that I cant outside or can you really fall back in love? I dont see how it's possible. I figure you love someone, those who say they refind it never really lost it. I feel zero love in terms of wife & husband but I can say I love her like a sister.

Long post, sry. Just feeling a little lost tonight.


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## sadman:(

good question.. my wife says the same thing as you so ill be following this.


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## that_girl

My husband told me 3 months ago that he didn't love me, didn't think he ever did, and wanted to move out. He did that day. There was no OW though...so I don't know if this relates to you.

He's now home (moved home completely this weekend) and tells me how much he loves me. He found "it" again and didn't think he would. He said he knew a month after leaving that he was still very much in love with me, it was just clouded with pain (I was verbally abusive for which I'm in therapy for). 

So, in my situation, yes it did happen. And I'm forever grateful.


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## DanF

Yes!
If you search my posts, you can read the entire story. I don't have time to go through it all right now, but my wife and I both were unhappy, cheated, nearly divorced, then reconciled and we are happier now than we were when we were newlyweds.

You can do it.


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## rfAlaska

My general belief is that it's pretty hard to "unring" the bell. The bell being the idea that:


Lots of things have happened
Your wife is a bit unstable
The instability lead to an inability to discuss how you truly feel about what's going on
You had to stuff your feelings (anger, disappointment, whatever)
After many years of doing this, it hardens your heart
In my mind, softening your heart will be very difficult.

Having said that, I believe you are culpable because you should have had the courage to share how you felt irrespective of the consequences. You didn't - that contributed to how you are feeling today.

The bottom line is that you have become ambivalent toward your marriage. The counselor that I see has said that he would rather have a couple come in hopping mad and fighting - at least they FEEL something. If they come in filled with ambivalence he pretty much writes them off because they feel nothing.

On some level, in order for it to happen, I believe you both need to engage and fight for it. If you're unwilling to do that, forget it.

Does your wife know how you feel? If she doesn't, she deserves to because she probably isn't a mind reader and my best guess is that you hide your feelings pretty well.

Good luck - you're in a VERY lonely place.


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## 2yearsince

I know its all good advice. Its just hard. To think about putting in more work to end up in the same place. I will do it, probably alone at first. I just think I know myself but I know you never know. I really have loved my my wife for 17 years but questions come up that make me wonder if it was real love or just our situation put us together (hard times 2 unexpected kids). Did we do it because that is just what we thought we should do or because we really wanted to be together. Aside from marriage issues, we never really had a better option those 17 years that made sense. If we had a few years of no other issues would we have been great those years. Lots of what ifs I know can never be answered. Hopefully talking to someone will help sort things out.


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