# Stay at Home Dad needs help!



## lifechanges (May 18, 2013)

24 years, last 11 as stay at home Dad. No income for me in those 11 years. She has been $300k and up. So, we have drifted apart and are discussing the asset split, no attorney yet, just trying to talk through it.

1. How do you determine alimony in this situation?
2. How do you properly split retirement funds?
3. How do you split equity in house if she gets it?

Lastly, feeling hurt, unloved and unwanted after feeling that I have done my best to show her my love - bummer.

Thank you.


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## survivorwife (May 15, 2012)

lifechanges said:


> 24 years, last 11 as stay at home Dad. No income for me in those 11 years. She has been $300k and up. So, we have drifted apart and are discussing the asset split, no attorney yet, just trying to talk through it.
> 
> 1. How do you determine alimony in this situation?
> 2. How do you properly split retirement funds?
> ...


1. The Toughest Question. If you are not using an Attorney, how much per month do you think you can live on alone and how long do you think you'll be able to become self-supporting. If you decide to use an attorney, he/she can calculate based on the standards of your State. I would suggest some internet research to determine what would be a fair amount.

2. Retirement Funds. 50-50 split.

3. Equity. How much is the house worth minus the mortgage balance. She could buy you out by paying you half of the equity, or she could put the house up for sale and you could split the net profit.

4. You didn't mention child support, so I assume she is maintaining custody?

Also factor in the value marital personal property as well. Vehicles. Collectibles. Equitable Distribution.

And yes, I know it's difficult at first, however you will be fine. Take care of yourself.


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## Toshiba2020 (Mar 1, 2012)

survivorwife said:


> 1. The Toughest Question. If you are not using an Attorney, how much per month do you think you can live on alone and how long do you think you'll be able to become self-supporting. If you decide to use an attorney, he/she can calculate based on the standards of your State. I would suggest some internet research to determine what would be a fair amount.
> 
> 2. Retirement Funds. 50-50 split.
> 
> ...


I agree with this, but on #1 i would def get an attorney.


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## lifechanges (May 18, 2013)

Thanks for the advice. I will do some research and have a discussion.


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

To the alimony question, as much as the law allows. Primary custody and child support should also go to you... Marital assets should be fairly split 50/50.

The laws are designed to protect children and as a consequence provide for the primary care taker of the children.

To split a house, that she will keep, what you do is have it appraised, you get half the equity, and she pays you that by giving you a greater split of a different asset.


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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

lifechanges said:


> Lastly, feeling hurt, unloved and unwanted after feeling that I have done my best to show her my love - bummer.


I think I can be of assistance here. 

I couldn't bring myself to date for over six months after I left my first wife. It just tore through my gut like being shot by a cannon ball. I had no anger or resentment against women. Just empty inside and no interest in seeing anyone.

But when you are ready you'll have the full spectrum of 18 to 90 year olds at your disposal if you are a decent fellow. I might suggest sampling the lower end of that spectrum. I sure did. 

If you think you can't... then you won't. So when the time comes, if you see something you like then go for it, and don't be saying she's too young and beautiful for you.


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## DavidWYoung (Feb 3, 2012)

If it were reversed, do you REALLY think that she would not get a lawyer?

I am very sorry for you but, this is a business ending. It is what it is.
It is not the end , it is a new and exciting beginning for you. I want you to keep writing to TAM and tell us how you are doing. I also want you to go on a Road Trip to someplace that you have never been before. Keep us posted David


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## Thumper (Mar 23, 2013)

Each state has its own laws, you need an attorney. 

Is there no hope of the marriage working? Are you talking from marriage straight to divorce? This is terrible. Im sorry your here.

I would hope that both of you have tried EVERYTHING to make this work before this kind of discussion is even being brought up. Marriages this long take so much more work to keep alive.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Do not settle on one attorney to work for the both of you. They may well say that they are, but they will work for whoever is footing the bill and leave the non-fee payer flat-footed.

Get representation. And since she has possession of the joint money, you just may well be able to petition the court to have her pay your lawyers fees in addition to hers!

Is marital infidelity remotely involved? Can make a big difference either way.

Is there a prenup? Tread lightly if there is. Depending on the wording within, she could even try to sue you for money that she thought that she was entitled to for supporting you those "X" number of years.

Being in a community property state would work well in your behalf.

In any event, go after everything that you might need ~ just do it with a lawyer by your side!


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