# Need Advice kinda long



## Sagidiva35 (Mar 25, 2013)

Hi,
I really need some advice, My Dh and I have been together 14 yrs and been married for 13. I am 36 he is 40. I n the early years our sex life was average to good.
We have had our ups and downs but truthfully sometimes it has been less than adequate.
We moved back to his family's home about 5 yrs ago and it has been difficult since. His mother is one of our greatest problems, as she behaves as though, my hubby is hers! We live with her so our sex life is dictated by discretion as our room is next to hers, so we can't be vocal. We often had problems with premature ejaculation, and now he is having problems with phimosis. I do admit that earlier in the marriage due to PCOS, my sex drive was lower, since I have hit 35 my sex drive has increased while my hubby's has seemed to decrease. Now it feels like I have to beg for it.I know that he has some problems and we have discussed it, but even before these problems, he has always been a one-shot kinda guy.
Now it is worse, I have gone thru some physical changes and feel and look sexier,which has brought me advances from a younger co worker. I really love my husband, but this sex drought is killing me! I am trying to be understanding but I am also wondering if maybe he is having/had extra marital episodes. We have discussed trying new things, and I am attracted to my co -worker, but I am not trying to end my marriage. Today I caught him in a lie, he told me he met,old frend,who told him he looks hot, he said he did not take a number, but she texts AND calls him this morning, just to say "Good Morning". While I'm not mad, yet,it has me wondering. What should I do?


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

Why are you living with his mother? That is an obvious place to start.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Move and get MC. Your talking like you want to cheat or swing. Both will destroy your already unhealthy marriage. Might be hard work but sounds like your marriage will go down without it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

I just looked at your post from a year ago - nothing has changed, has it?

You need to put your foot down with your husband. Either the two of you get your own place, preferably on the OTHER island, or you should be prepared to end the marriage. Unless you're willing to sit back and wait till your monster in law dies.

As for the thoughts of attraction to the OM, I am going to assume you haven't gone past thoughts?? If you have there's a whole nother problem here.

Your husband should visit a dr and have his testosterone levels checked. As for whether he's cheating, are there any other red flags?


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## Sagidiva35 (Mar 25, 2013)

No I haven't gone past thoughts and as for moving, we were saving up to begin building, but we decided that against it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Sagidiva35 (Mar 25, 2013)

Sagidiva35 said:


> No I haven't gone past thoughts and as for moving, we were saving up to begin building, but we decided that against it.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Coffee Amore (Dec 15, 2011)

Sagidiva35 said:


> No I haven't gone past thoughts and as for moving, we were saving up to begin building, but we decided that against it.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Why not rent a place of your own?


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## Sagidiva35 (Mar 25, 2013)

Rent is very exorbitant where we live,and this was one of the main reasons we moved to this Island, so that we can build our own home. 
Due to his mom' illness(heart, diabetes,hypertension) as well as him finding work over here, we are where we are. We have discussed moving, and we have also applied for a house thru our Gov't agency, so we are waiting on that as well.

Moving back to the bigger Island is our plan, but that will take some time as I will have to reapply for a transfer in my job which sometimes takes a while to get.

It has been a rough year for me, as well as I lost my sister to MS about 8 mths ago, We are both carded for a dr's visit in the next week or so, as we have been trying unsuccessfully to have a baby for 10 yrs.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

OMG do NOT bring a baby into this mix.

So if you can't move and you won't move out on your own, what ARE you willing to do about this?


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## Sagidiva35 (Mar 25, 2013)

As I said before, moving is on the cards, just as soon as we get better financially.
I have already told him that if we don't get selected for the housing solution, we will have to rent. It is just a matter of getting to a better financial position right now. 
I am NOT prepared to wait for her to die, as I firmly believe God does NOT want the aggravation lol. 
We are on the same page in terms of moving out on our own, but because the work he does is currently temporary, we are biding our time. @ Hope- some things have changed, as he is more aware of her machinations and schemes, and let's her know when he's onto her. I guess, I just hate the waiting. and the lack of privacy.

Moving here was supposed to be the better decision, now I really regret talking him into it.(Yes it was MY idea)


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

OK so basically you just need to vent. Fair enough.


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