# Why do men want forgiveness but can't forgive???????



## lnjh (Mar 25, 2010)

My husband has had many indiscretions but I have forgiven him time after time after time and I do something thats nowhere close to all he's done(although still wrong) 5 years ago and he can't forgive me. When he found out a few months ago(about my emotional affair that lasted a few months 5 yrs ago and has been over for 5 yrs ago) he was in the middle of an affair but was torturing me like he was being faithful. For 10yrs he's shown no remorse for his actions but 16 days ago I got a wakeup call from his mistress and he finally decides he wants to change and be a faithful husband and father. He immediately wants me to be this person I was once was 10 yrs ago before all the pain he's caused me, not realizing that I have layers of hurt that has to be removed. He wanted to look through my emails because of his own guilt and when I said no he attacked me saying I have something to hide and I don't but this is the same person that keeps his phone locked so I won't look at it. So since I wouldn't give him my password now he's back to being mean, coming home late and not answering my phone calls but yet he tells me he's doing what is right. For years I've put up with this and I can't keep putting up with this. He will say he wants this marriage to work but then he says I'm not going to tell you what's going on and I hope you can deal with that. I don't understand how a person can do someone that way and not feel guilty. I feel like he wants me to make all these changes when I feel as though all I've done and dealt with I deserve for him to change because we both took vows not just me. Why are some men so selfish and never see the damage they do, it's like he doesn't have a conscience? What can I do to make it through this because I have kid's and I don't want to see them hurt but I don't want to be hurt either. I want things to work but it seems like everything has to be on his terms and that isn't fair.


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

He sounds like a classic serial cheater.

He's shoving your EA in your face as a way to justify his own behavior - not right. But of course as a decent person you probably feel bad and are falling for it (to an extent).

If he won't be open and honest with you, the best thing you can do for you and your children would probably be to just end the marriage.

Good luck.


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