# I need to vent...



## brucebk (Jun 14, 2009)

This is really hard for me. I am not the type to complain about my life, but I have no close friends to talk to, so I thought I would give this a try.

My husband and I have been together for 23 years. We divorced once and remarried after a 2 year seperation. We have 3 children (16,15,6)

My husband is disabled due to complications of Type I Diabetes. 

I cant honestly say either of us has truly been happy in our marraige. I have been unfaithful to my husband and that is what led to our first divorce. I remarried him for "the sake of my children". Later, we had our third child.

My husband and I have nothing in common. I totally believe that the only reason he stays with me is because it is better than the alternative. I am the bread winner and he could not afford to be on his own. He is an only child, has a terrible relationship with his parents and has no close friends.

I believe I am in the marraige out of a combination of guilt, my children, and fear. My infedility caused my husband and older chidren alot of pain. I know that if the marraige were to end they would choose to live with him and he would encourage them to feel ill toward me. This is what happened in the past and I could not bear that my children hate me, so I reconciled the relationship. Just the other day, my oldest daughter told me that "Dad is unhappy and it is your fault."

He suffers from anxiety and depression along with a massive amount of other health issues. I care about what happens to him but am not sure if I can do this much longer. I cannot bear to hurt my children....I am so confused.

A couple of months ago he was angry enough to put his hands on my throat. This has only happened one other time in 22 years. But I cannot honestly say I feel safe trying to leave this relationship. Part of me feels like I deserve some grief because of the decisions I have made in my past.

I know this is my life in a nut shell and does not begin to cover all the issues I am facing. I just need some one to talk to.


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## Sensitive (Mar 29, 2009)

It sounds like you are making a huge sacrifice. You are givng up your life to be with an unhappy man? Even the kids sound resentful. Guilt does not build a stable family, love does. Can the love be reignited? Is the commitemnt strong from both you and your spouse? There are alot of lonely troubled people on this forum, I hope you find what you are looking for.


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