# Views on intimacy regarding frequency



## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

Reading the cumulative count for 2013 thread, I saw one poster use the methodology of counting days of intimacy vs number of occurrences for sex. My question is does it matter to you on whether you and your spouse have intimate encounters in bunches or if it's more evenly spread out. Say you tally a count of 210 instances of PIV, PIA, BJs, HJs and TFs where you go to completion. Would it matter if you achieved that 210 by having sex on 210 separate days or have 70 days of intimacy with 3 times per intimacy day? To me it would matter because I would not like to have only 70 days of actual intimacy out of 365 days. I don't know if anyone thought about it like this before, so I'd be curious as to your thoughts. 

Note, intimacy days would not include days where you still show love and affection to your spouse via physical touch. So the 70 day hypothetical would not literally mean no physical touch during the other days.


----------



## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Plan 9 from OS said:


> Reading the cumulative count for 2013 thread, I saw one poster use the methodology of counting days of intimacy vs number of occurrences for sex. My question is does it matter to you on whether you and your spouse have intimate encounters in bunches or if it's more evenly spread out. Say you tally a count of 210 instances of PIV, PIA, BJs, HJs and TFs where you go to completion. Would it matter if you achieved that 210 by having sex on 210 separate days or have 70 days of intimacy with 3 times per intimacy day? To me it would matter because I would not like to have only 70 days of actual intimacy out of 365 days. I don't know if anyone thought about it like this before, so I'd be curious as to your thoughts.
> 
> Note, intimacy days would not include days where you still show love and affection to your spouse via physical touch. So the 70 day hypothetical would not literally mean no physical touch during the other days.


THis is a very interesting question. My STBW and I are very physically intimate. Always touching, holding hands, sitting next to each other, hips touching, feet touching, hugs, kisses, gentle touches walking past each other. This is a large part of what keeps our sexual intimicy going.

As most of the regulars here know, we are pretty sexually active, so I really can't answer the question from an experience stand point as we pretty much has sex every day, multiple times, but I think based on how we are with non sexual physical intimicy, I am pretty sure I would much prefer to have the sexual intimicy spread out, say 210 times in 210 days rather than 210 times on 70 days.

What I have found is on the days we do it multiple times, once, usually the time before going to sleep, is more intimate love making for the emotional connection, and the other times are more lusty, 69ing, between the tits, on the ass bent over the toilet, you get the idea.


----------



## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

"eveness" is very important to me. Going more than about 2 to 3 days without a release is unpleasant for me.

I was never in a sexless marriage. My problem is that we'd have two weeks of lots of sex followed by two weeks of drought. Getting turned down over and over again in the parts of those two weeks when she wasn't menstruating sucked.

When I hear of guys that go a year or more without sex, I don't understand how they could. I simply couldn't.


----------



## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

samyeagar said:


> What I have found is on the days we do it multiple times, once, usually the time before going to sleep, is more intimate love making for the emotional connection, and the other times are more lusty, 69ing, between the tits, on the ass bent over the toilet, you get the idea.


Ditto for us. Bedtime with cuddling afterwords is very emotionally connecting, and is usually slow and tender. Other times it is quite passionate and driven.

I think that's why we don't get bored, we've never had problems with variety.


----------



## usmarriedguy (Dec 9, 2013)

When I was much younger I was in a long distance relationship and we only normally where together from Friday evening to Sunday evening and it did not bother me at all going for 4.5 days without because we made up for it. Actually the build-up waiting for the weekend was kind of fun.


----------



## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

210 times in one year? Mind boggling.

For me I really like touch and emotional intimacy all the time. Sex is great, and I would like to have it regularly. Intimacy and sex are not the same thing necessarily.

Regularly is better than clumped for me.


----------



## askari (Jun 21, 2012)

Funny - in my younger years I couldn't NOT get aroused when getting into bed with my gf....

Now all I want to do when I get into bed is sleep. I guess thats what years of marriage to an ice block does to a man.


----------



## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

We don't have intercourse daily, but we have sexual contact and sexual intimacy daily...actually multiple times daily. When we wake up, we immediately find each other and cuddle and hold each other. This is mostly just pure intimacy, but we sometimes turn it a little sexual and touch each other sexually.

A few more times after we get out of bed and while getting ready for work, we will kiss, touch each other sexually or non-sexually, admire each other getting in or out of the shower...and sometimes we end up throwing each other down on the bed for a longer make out session.

When I'm at work, sometimes he can stop by my office during the day, depending on his schedule. When he can, he texts me "kiss?" and then I know he is outside in his truck. I take a break, run to his truck and jump in the passenger seat...then climb over to him and we make out and chat for a few minutes. I love when we can do this.

When we get home from work, we find each other, kiss for several minutes. Sometimes we sexually touch or grope each other, but sometimes we just kiss gently and intimately. Sometimes we get very aggressive and are shoving each other up against the walls.

So all of that happens every day, whether we also had sex or not.

Keeping up the sexual affection and real intimacy is very important to me. Not more important than sex itself, but I definitely would never willingly give up our daily sexual affection.


----------



## Maneo (Dec 4, 2012)

Holy cow, we don't keep a tally of frequency or what we did or anything else. We just go by are we both satisfied with our sexual, intimate sharing. So whether we've made love 3 times a day 3 days in a row or 3 times in the last 30 days is irrelevant to us. What counts is our happiness singly and together. We could say what happened last night or over the past few days but beyond that it gets hazy.


----------



## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Faithful Wife said:


> We don't have intercourse daily, but we have sexual contact and sexual intimacy daily...actually multiple times daily. When we wake up, we immediately find each other and cuddle and hold each other. This is mostly just pure intimacy, but we sometimes turn it a little sexual and touch each other sexually.
> 
> A few more times after we get out of bed and while getting ready for work, we will kiss, touch each other sexually or non-sexually, admire each other getting in or out of the shower...and sometimes we end up throwing each other down on the bed for a longer make out session.
> 
> ...


That sounds an awful lot like my STBW and I


----------



## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

As long as we are affectionate, loving,and attentive consistently we're both ok regardless of how many times we've had sex that week.Unless we're sick we usually strive for sex daily or every other day at least.If more than a day goes by we'll check in with each other to figure out why we're not connecting physically. Sort of a wellness check. "is everything ok? are we just more busy than normal or is there a deeper reason for the lack of sex?".

We're very loving and attentive every day and I think that helps keep our sex life healthy too.


----------



## Coldie (Jan 2, 2014)

Me and my wife enjoy intimacy twice a day, no matter how busy our schedule. This is important to us as having a good marriage is hard work. If you want to have a healthy body, you work out each day. If you want to have a healthy heart, you work out each day. If you want to have a healthy marriage, you work out each day. 

With that being said, when you are on your death bed, do you think you will look back and say, "Man, I wish I would have worked more or had much less intimacy time/sex with my wife." Do you think your wife will say the same? I promise you, if you and your spouse are in love and have a family together, you will never regret having too much sex, but you will regret not spending as much time with your loved one as possible.

I had a few close people pass away young in my life and there were moments when I felt like I wanted to die just to spend one more second with them. Do you honestly think when you pass away, the person you are in love with wouldn't do anything in their power to enjoy intimate moments with you just one more time? Live your life, be intimate as much as possible, and keep your marriage healthy.


----------



## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

We're much like ScarletBegonias in our attitudes towards affection and sex. And we prefer sex daily rather than clusters - we both tend to get a little irritable if we miss more than a day, so we notice. Of course there are some missed days occasionally, but we tend to make up for them and "bank" a couple more!


----------



## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

ScarletBegonias said:


> As long as we are affectionate, loving,and attentive consistently we're both ok regardless of how many times we've had sex that week.Unless we're sick we usually strive for sex daily or every other day at least.If more than a day goes by we'll check in with each other to figure out why we're not connecting physically. *Sort of a wellness check. "is everything ok? are we just more busy than normal or is there a deeper reason for the lack of sex?".*
> 
> We're very loving and attentive every day and I think that helps keep our sex life healthy too.


"Uh babe, it's been eighteen hours and you haven't tried to get me naked...is everything alright?" 

Sounds like STBW and I as well. Of course, there will be those who think this is really insecure behavior, but really, that's the standard we've set in our relationship, and if there is any real deviation from it, it's going to get talked about. I like you calling it a "wellness check"


----------



## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

samyeagar said:


> "Uh babe, it's been eighteen hours and you haven't tried to get me naked...is everything alright?"
> 
> Sounds like STBW and I as well. Of course, there will be those who think this is really insecure behavior, but really, that's the standard we've set in our relationship, and if there is any real deviation from it, it's going to get talked about. I like you calling it a "wellness check"


LOL @ 18 hour wellness check

If it's insecure then I guess we're insecure. I prefer to be that way rather than keeping my concern to myself or having DH keep his concern to himself.
That is where things go wrong in my opinion. When people start worrying more about looking vulnerable and insecure to their partner rather than worrying about getting the feeling resolved.


----------

