# Need Serious Advice



## tinydancer1277 (Nov 10, 2008)

i have been with my fiance for almost two years now, and we love each other more than anything. the sex used to be amazing, better than i ever could have imagined sex could be. now, i dont even get turned on by him most of the time. i think it could be because he has a sexual fetish that i just cant enjoy. one day, he told me he trusted me and wanted to be open and honest with me. i thought i wanted him to be, too. he told me about his coprophilia and it has been all downhill from there. i tried to be understanding. i love him a lot, and wanted to make him happy. but now that he's been honest, all he wants from me is to make pushing sounds or faces so that he can get off to it. we used to have such incredible sex, but now when he is turned on, i just get upset because i know what he wants and i know it will be terrible for me. he "tries" to have regular sex, but he always ends up asking for something. he used to be so into regular sex that i just have trouble believing he doesnt like it anymore. its like ever since he told me, pandora's box was opened and i cant get him to close it. we have had a few conversations about it over the past few months, but they always end in him getting upset because he feels attacked and doesnt understand why i think normal sexual acts should be regarded as more normal and important than his. it is hard to explain everything i'm thinking and feeling about it. i need advice... i miss the way i used to feel about him, but i just dont anymore. its all because of this. i still want to spend my life with him, but i wish i were spending my life with what i thought he liked when i fell in love with him.


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

Well it is gross and inhealthy, and by far makes you feel uncomfortable. The question I have for you is what exactly do you want? Justification to break up or somehow believe he will change his way about the clevland steamers and go normal?

draconis


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## tinydancer1277 (Nov 10, 2008)

well, i was mostly hoping for advice about maybe getting back to the way things used to be. and its not quite as bad as cleveland steamers... he mostly just likes to watch and get involved only slightly, he likes the idea of it but would never get too involved, he wouldnt want to get it on either of us. it freaks me out, but i do love him.


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

I learned another new word from this forum. Sex should be enjoyable for both parties and it seems you are at a crossroads where I'm not sure a compromise would help (normal sometimes, fetish others) It certainly is an uncommon fetish so I am surprised he wouldn't be more understanding of your feelings, especially since you have taken steps to fulfill his fantasy. He would be hard-pressed to find many others willing to do that.

Has he told you when this fetish came about? I wonder if there's some history to that. It just never occurred to me that this would turn people on so I wonder how that comes about?


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## magicsunset08 (Oct 30, 2008)

It is not uncommon to get turned on by faces or noises. However, the whole fecal matter thing is not cool and gross. You should be open with him and tell him it makes you feel uncomfortable. If you tried to honor his wishes he should try to honor yours. Faces and noises are cool if they are true and not fake. It makes you feel like part of a porn or something. Sex is something where you are totally un-guarded, so you need to be feel comfortable otherwise the sex just is not going to work. So, be yourself!


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

faces is one thing but feces is another


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## tinydancer1277 (Nov 10, 2008)

well, swedish, his whole life has been very odd. there is a story involving how he became interested in it. when he was in japan with the navy. some awful things were happening and for some reason he pretty much clung to that. i've been learning a lot about this kind of fetish - it seems that sometimes they are caused by an event, but sometimes people are just born that way and find out they have the fetish when they're young and going about normal business. 

i know he tries to be understanding of my feelings, but its hard to be diplomatic telling someone that what makes them happy sexually makes you want to puke. he doesnt like the fact that he likes it, i think thats a problem between us as well. he hates himself for it.


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## tinydancer1277 (Nov 10, 2008)

thanks, magicsunset. he is the only person i've ever been with, so my experience with sex has only been with him. i thought i was being unguarded and open by faking it, but it does make me feel uncomfortable.


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## magicsunset08 (Oct 30, 2008)

If he hates it then he should not have a problem discarding it. Stay strong. If he loves you and wants to change things will work. Communication is crucial.


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## tinydancer1277 (Nov 10, 2008)

i think its hard to discard it. its getting to the point where i think it could be a problem. its as though its the only thing he responds to.


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

What would he say if you told him you just couldn't do it anymore? I wonder if there are other things you could explore to replace that with something less repulsive to you?


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## magicsunset08 (Oct 30, 2008)

I agree with Swedish. There has to be something else he may respond to that you enjoy. If it is beyond that I would not marry the guy. This sounds like an addiction. Ask yourself if you would marry a meth addict or something similar? Sometimes, the biggest show of love is to let your loved on go, if it comes to that. I just would not compromise to that extent to keep anyone. As draconis said earlier, it is gross and unhealthy.


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## tinydancer1277 (Nov 10, 2008)

thank you all so much. i know what i need to do now.


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## voivod (Aug 7, 2008)

swedish said:


> faces is one thing but feces is another


:lol: I thought the same thing.

this is outside my realm, and i thought we had done just about everything! yeah, unhealthy and gross. i suppose gross is in the eye of the beholder, but it's tough to get past this one.


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## tinydancer1277 (Nov 10, 2008)

thank you everyone. we talked about it and have a plan. all of your advice helped a lot.


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