# Need words of wisdom for the engaged couple.



## Cowboy0622

A couple of my co-workers in the office are getting married to each other. The office is putting together a compilation of advice for a happy marriage for the couple to put with the gift. I'm soliciting advice from everyone here as what works for me, might not work for everyone.

I've heard things like: "If you are wrong own up to it and admit it and if you are right shut up."

"Don't fight over money because there is never enough to go around anyway."

"Marriage is not always 50/50. Some days you will wake up and may have to give 90% and your spouse will give 10%. Other days you may wake up and give 25% and your husband will have to put in the 75%."

"Never go to bed mad"


If I had to give advice, I would say "adopting the Golden Rule would be best." In four days, on Tuesday, my wife and I'll celebrate our 36th anniversary, and are very happy together. Our last fight was on our 15th anniversary, when I was taking her and the relationship for granted. I didn't see that until the fight. I now realize you have to work at a marriage *everyday*. 

Make time for yourselves. Since that time, Every Friday is date night, and I leave early so we can car pool. I take her to work, go on to work, pick her up from work and go on a date. (Out to eat, movie, visit with friends, etc...)

In January every year I flip through our new desk calendars and write "flowers" on 8-9 random days (not sweetest day, valentine's day, her birthday, etc..) and when that day comes up, I send her flowers at work to let her know I'm thinking of her.

If I'm out of the office and am in the area she works, I'll stop and buy a rose or flower, (just one) and put it in her car so when she comes out of work to come home the car smells nice and she knows I was thinking about her,

If she is in the shower, I take her towel and run it in the dryer a few minutes so she has a nice warm towel when she gets out.

I try to do hundred little things each day to be thoughtful, and it keeps her very happy to know how much I care. It takes very little effort on my part but means a lot to her, (although some of the women where she works tells her I must be having an affair and feeling guilty to do these things).

I'd like to hear what advice you might have to give an engaged couple to help them have a happy marriage.


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## 13878

I would recommend that all husbands AND wives are romantic, on a daily basis, to one another. That could mean getting a small surprise gift for no reason, giving their hubby/wife a massage, smiling and cuddling while watching funny or romantic movies, and of course give 110% everyday. 

I would also recommend that they set a time and place to resolve conflicts so that it isn't on the spur of an angry moment and it can be resolved in an adult, calm manner.


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## Crypsys

I have been married for 10+ years and these are the things we do all the time.

1. The first one to wake up kisses the other one on the forehead and tells them good morning.

2. We text each other at least twice a day with things we were happy the other person did/said, etc for us the previous day.

3. We sext (sexy texting) each other every day (even if we aren't going to be intimate that night).

4. On coming home I always hold her, kiss her and we tell each other how much we love each other.

5. We spend at least 1 hour a day talking to each other about anything (that time is set aside and we are in our room alone without the kids).


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## Ten_year_hubby

blackmail


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## Therealbrighteyes

Cowboy,
You sound like the sweetest husband on the planet. Your love for your wife in your post is breathtaking. It just simply took my breath away. 
Advice...
While I don't always think it is possible not to go to bed angry with each other, at least take the early parts of the morning discussing the previous days argument.
Secondly, each party needs to "man up" and speak what is on their mind. If you are angry about something, tell the other person. The whole biting your tongue thing only breeds resentment and in a HUGE way. I find it refreshing that now after nearly 17 years of marriage both my husband and I finally got to that point. It is essential.


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## Christie

I'm loving this thread! What a great reminder, thank you. Mine is this:

What you focus on will expand. So focus on the wonderful qualities of your mate. Concentrate on all the good they bring to your life.


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## Cowboy0622

Thank you all for your wonderful advice. We put together a nice album for the engaged couple and it turned out to be quite a unique gift.


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## Chris H.

Treat your spouse with dignity and respect, no matter what.

Go easy on the criticism, and don't do it in front of others.


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## Blanca

Cowboy0622 said:


> If I'm out of the office and am in the area she works, I'll stop and buy a rose or flower, (just one) and put it in her car so when she comes out of work to come home the car smells nice and she knows I was thinking about her


omg, that is the cutest thing! its nice to hear from happy couples. Congratulations on your 36th anniversary. 

- i used to think never going to bed mad was a good idea, too. my mom told me that one. turns out in my relationship that doesnt work out very well. my H and i have to cool off so we can talk rationally to one another. So i guess my advice would be to toss out stereotypes and find out what works for you personally. throw out what you think the relationship "should" be and focus on working with what it is.


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## SimplyAmorous

Learn what your spouses primary Love Languages are & strive to live them/ lavish them daily. (Physical touch, Quality time, Words of Affirmation, Gifts, Acts of Service). If you are lucky enough to share the same Love languages in the same order, you will be doubly blessed, as your giving will come & flow so naturally with one another. 

Aim to be a Pleaser in all ways, thanking God daily for the gift of your other half. Communicate honestly, and always, with respect, take care to LISTEN deeply. 

Never assume your spouse can read your mind , until maybe you have been happily married for over 10 yrs. 

Disagreements/Arguements will inevitably come as we are different people with different desires & minds. Just dont allow the fear of fighting to evolve into a Silent Treatment that lasts for days on end. Realize your spouse is hurting as much as you. Be Humble, evaluate yourself, your motives, your hand in the issue, apologize if you have been harsh & hasty with words (we all have been there), forgiving one another -realizing we often speak badly when hurting ourselves. Here is an exceptional article on healthy Communication : http://temorrowcoaching.blogspot.com/p/importance-of-emotional-validation-in.html

I am all for not laying my head to sleep until we are Kosher with one another again, if at all possible from MY end. 

A sweet thought - When you take a Vacation together, bring along Love/Romantic songs to play in the background, to fill your room with the Essesnce of Love & apprecaition for each other.


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