# New question on cheating



## DT4379 (Sep 21, 2012)

Would a man who would cheat tell his coworkers (girls that he chta sand flirts with daily) that he is getting married soon...


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Because very very sadly, there are a lot of women who would find that attractive and sleep with him.


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## DT4379 (Sep 21, 2012)

wow never thought of that maybe thats why he would tell them


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

'I'm a real catch, I even got a girl to want to marry me!'

is the subtext


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## DT4379 (Sep 21, 2012)

Thats funny because he says he is not a great catch LOL He says Im the great catch....Men are confusing and I cannot understand his behaviors at all..


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

yes that's why it's a subtext, no-one's going to come out and say it but that's what he's subtly implying


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

if he's saying he's getting married soon I think the girls he's flirting/chatting with would have known he was seeing someone prior to the marriage announcement.So,why would they continue to entertain the flirting/chatting?


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## DT4379 (Sep 21, 2012)

Well I guess Ill have to play the same game with my male coworkers see how he feels .....Oh thats right he told me he doesnt care what I saay to the guys I work with..WTF and I getting marriedx to him for sorry just pissed at myself


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## DT4379 (Sep 21, 2012)

becaue they like the attention as well or they feel sorry for him I have a feeling he is one of those guys at work we would call creepy the ones that hit on anything that walks by


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

if you're both trying to play teenage games before you're even married it's doomed


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

OOOOOH NOW it makes sense. You're marrying this guy???He openly flirts and is inappropriate with coworkers then excuses it by giving you "permission" to do the same with your coworkers???

not good.not good at all.


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## DT4379 (Sep 21, 2012)

I ouwld never do that as Its not my nature but apprently its his to flirt with anything he sees behind my back of course...


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

so you're marrying him why?


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## DT4379 (Sep 21, 2012)

No Not good at all ............


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## DT4379 (Sep 21, 2012)

He is a good guy in general for sure and I do love him..he never flirts in front of me but I have seen flirty emails to a coworker and talked to him about it..she no longer works at the company but he said "its not like I saw her at work she worked in another building" okay so I let that go but now he has his eyes on another young tart there..maybe its me maybe Im crazy...


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

And you are marrying him because? 

Is your self-estem so low you are willing to accept crumbs? 

Red flags all over the place.

You say "maybe I"m crazy." Maybe you are because most women would not be dealing with this at all. Especially during an engagement. Wtf.


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## Gangland (Aug 3, 2012)

I can only answer this question for myself. If I was to tell a co-worker that I was getting married. It would be to fend her off, in other words, a covert way of saying I'm not available... and not just on a boyfriend girlfirend level.. a HUSBAND WIFE level.

I think I can speak for most men when I say we don't usually say things that have subtext in the way that women do. We communicate differently. We're pretty straight forward. Unless this guy's a known manipulator, I'd say he was thinking the way I described.

Don't look too far into you're initiial question, If however, you don't like the flirting just say, "hey, that bothers me." If he doesn't care, then you can decide based on that what to do next. and that decision should include leaving, especially if this is something that would impede on your happiness. Why marry when you already know this will upset you and he's not going to stop because he doesnt care?


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## DT4379 (Sep 21, 2012)

thanks for replying yes maybe youre right and he was just telling her to let he know..but agian I checked his work emails and he has been emailing another girl at work and saying stuff like heyyyyyyyyyyyyyy ohpps my y key is stuck hhahha and also saying because she didnt reply right away oh no now youre p*** at me hahhahahhah...should I just let this go or watch his interatio with her..a few months back he was emailing a another girl at work but it continues untill she left they seemed to be getting close although she has a boyfriend..I am at my wits end and its all I can think about he doesnt have time to email me throughout the day but finds time ot joke with her what would you do..I cant bring this subject up because he gets upset


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

DT4379. A guy who doesn't respect you is a guy who doesn't love you. Love doesn't exist without respect. A guy who flirts and is inappropriate at work doesn't value his job, either. That's one of the surest ways to get fired. A guy who deliberately does irresponsible, hurtful things and then gives you lame justifications instead of a heartfelt apology isn't a "good guy". If he behaves substantially differently behind your back you really don't want to marry him. To put it very bluntly, this guy lacks integrity and character. He may be charming, might be wealthy, might be a real hunk. You'd be better off with a dirt poor, ugly guy who has integrity.


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## DT4379 (Sep 21, 2012)

He does love me and resoect me I think sometimes he is just a flirty guy that would never act on anything ..I have a jealous streak but I am not making excuses for his flirting ..I will keep any eye on what he is saying and then bring it up...i kinda wanted to see if what he is saying is an ea or the starting of one..is he seeing if she will play the game..thats all


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## Gangland (Aug 3, 2012)

DT4379 said:


> He does love me and resoect me I think sometimes he is just a flirty guy that would never act on anything ..I have a jealous streak but I am not making excuses for his flirting ..I will keep any eye on what he is saying and then bring it up...i kinda wanted to see if what he is saying is an ea or the starting of one..is he seeing if she will play the game..thats all


I'll tell you straight, as a guy what he's saying is def the start of an EA.

The reason I say this is because yes I have girl "aquaintances" and co-workers, but I do not talk to them in the way he's talking to her. I would not joke about something as small as my key's unless I was seeking her attention. Especially if she wasn't even there to see it.

By definition an EA is excessive investing (ie talking, flirting, seeking attention of, etc.) in someone else that takes away from the marriage/relationship and while this isn't a full blown EA this is definitely how they start.

but regardless of all that, If this is something that bothers you, you have to be assertive enough to set a boundary and back it up with consequences should he decide to cross it. 

I know this ones tricky because if you ask him why he's seeking outside attention, why he flirts etc, he's going to give you some wishy washy answer because he already KNOWS it hurts you. But the fact that he knows this and doesn't want to address it at all, not even to compromise, says something about his character.

I'd watch this just like you said you'd do. My two cents.


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