# Wren's New Year New Life New Thread



## wren (Aug 19, 2009)

I may have found a good car for a great price. My dad and I are going to see it at 11:30. I need good thought and prayers!

If I have wheels, I have a better chance at finding a decent job. I have been searching for a job and a car for months!

Maybe since I was laughing at the stroke of midnight on NYE, this is the year of good things!

Wish me luck, my friends.


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## Feelingalone (Apr 22, 2009)

Good luck Wren. We're rooting for you.


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

Wishing you a great 2010, Wren & good luck w/the car shopping today!


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## knortoh (Sep 5, 2009)

whatever it is it is great - at the end of the day it is these 'mundane' things that end up getting us out of our predicaments - literally and metaphorically -
hope you are driving down the road right now feeling freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!


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## lost1234 (Aug 24, 2009)

pulling for you to have great luck!


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## noideato20 (Oct 27, 2009)

Good luck with the car and wishing you happiness in 2010.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

Good luck! On New Years, after midnight, I was in a bathroom stall and found $7 on the floor! I took it as this is going to be my lucky year


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## mls31 (Aug 22, 2009)

Love this new post, Wren.

A few weeks ago I got an oil change at Walmart. They cracked the cap that goes above the oil filter and my car almost ran out of oil. Luckily my friend's H was able to fix it with a $14 part. However, I was without a car for 2 days. 

I made up a mock invoice on how much parts and labor would've cost had I taken it in to a regular shop, which was about $233. I took my fake invoice into Walmart and complained about their service and told them my story. The store manager came back with a wad of cash. They gave me the $233 without asking any further questions! 

Maybe I looked like the frazzled divorced lady and they were afraid to mess with me. Either way, I'm toasting my good fortune to a better 2010!


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## wren (Aug 19, 2009)

We are taking charge! This is our year! I can feel it in my bones.

And I got my car and made it to the DMV just in time to get my plates, tags, etc. Today, I will drive my car and take myself to therapy to brag about my accomplishments. 

We can DO this. We may have moments of grief, anger, or exhaustion. But we can and we will survive and thrive!


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## Loving Husband (Aug 3, 2009)

Woohoo Wren good work.. This is a good start to 10..


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## Ash22 (Oct 21, 2009)

GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WRen!!!!!!!!!!!!! I think this new thread is an awesome Idea! I may have to copy this idea from you!! Good news about the car thats wonderful, go drive around turn up some music and let loose it will feel good!

Proud of you Wren, your starting the year of right!!


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

Congrats, Wren...this will give you the freedom to move forward in 2010 in the ways that are best for YOU!


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

Best of luck. Attitude is more than half the battle!


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## Believe (Aug 27, 2009)

YAY! Good for you Wren. Congrads. 
I love happy stories. 
Best of luck to you. Keep positive, its seems to be working just fine for you.


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## wren (Aug 19, 2009)

J finally picked up the rest of his belongings and his cats. I miss my furbabies but I feel better that at least this aspect has been settled.

I've seen G this week and we had the " what are we?" conversation. We're friends that enjoy spending time together. We are both running scared and overanalyzing everything. But when we get together, we laugh and laugh.

He asked me out for this evening. and I am going to exhale, let go, and enjoy damnit!


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## wren (Aug 19, 2009)

So our physical assets are finally separate. The only things left to settle are the house and our joint account. But I figure those two issues will be settled together if/when the house sells.

I wish I could find a job so I never have to deal with the joint account. He tells me not to worry that he wants to make sure I am taken care of. But I do worry.

I know it's better for me to sell the house. I could never afford it alone and I don't want roommates. So many memories here anyways.

I have been seeing G a few times a week. What an experience I must say! this dating thing is exhilarating, scary, and confusing!


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## Feelingalone (Apr 22, 2009)

Wren, for a while just enjoy life and remember to make sure you are happy with just being you. That G isn't what is making you happy -- just a compliment to your inner happiness.

I'm glad to hear these things from you. Your tone and outlook are growing positive with leaps and bounds. Good for you.


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## knortoh (Sep 5, 2009)

Wren 
it is decent of him to be taking care of the financial side of things. But I completely understand you need your financial independence. Everyone does. 
And I agree with FA about G...
sounds exciting but try not to get hooked in too quickly. 
be cautious...


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## wren (Aug 19, 2009)

Thanks FA and K. We are both so gun-shy, I am not sure it's possible not to be cautious. I worry I am overly cautious. I just keep telling myself to breathe and enjoy the moment.


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## Notaclue (Jan 1, 2010)

Wren it certainly sounds like 2010 is going to be your year and that you have turned the corner so to speak. Enjoy every moment, you certainly deserve all the happiness life has to offer. I am so happy for you.


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

Wren: Such a nice feeling to know that you are doing well. The changes in you since the holidays is night and day.

Have fun with G....being cautious is fine. Nothing wrong with taking things slow. 

You will find a job. Things will fall into place, I can feel this for you.

J getting his stuff is good. Selling the house will relieve a burden financially and memory wise. I don't want mine either. I figure he can have the memories. OPen a closet, see a picture, open a drawer...memories everywhere. Good luck to them right?


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## Ash22 (Oct 21, 2009)

Wren!! I have been out of the loop so I just read over the last few posts to get caught up and I must say you just put a big smile on my face!! I am so happy for you Wren I really am. I'm glad you got a car and I'm relieved that at least he came and got some of his stuff and I am thrilled that you have G as a friend to go out with once in awhile. Everybody has their ups and downs and you my friend are on the up and I'm proud of you. Just remeber throu good and bad you can do it!! And post here!! Esp if your dating life keeps up the way it is......


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## wren (Aug 19, 2009)

An update:
I am still dating G. It's tricky sometimes because we're both reeling from upcoming divorce. But we enjoy each other and have a great time. I've never dated a man before. Let me explain, ha! I have chosen boys in the past. I am changing my way of thinking and therefore my behaviors.

Therapy is still working well for me. I am not going as often but still committted to the process. I have a long way to go concerning trust issues.

J and I barely speak. I have discovered some lies and deceit. With the tax return, I will add a half bath to the house. And put the house on the market asap.

Still no job. But I have faith, I am on the right path.

For the most part, I am doing fairly well. I still have my moments of grief. I experience bursts of anger. But I am learning to live without him.


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

Yes WREN! We are going to be just fine...we survived the worse part.

Good luck with the job hunting...I know your unemployment there is sky high.

Also, I am glad G is entertaining you. Have some fun!!


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## knortoh (Sep 5, 2009)

This is all great news - thanks for letting us know.


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## wren (Aug 19, 2009)

I had nightmares about J all night. I dreamed he was living with a girl and had been seeing her for more than a year. I woke up peeved that I care.

G and I had our first "fight" last night. He said that I accused him of being dishonest and I needed to realize that he's not J. 

Don't we all bring our fears into relationships? How can I not let what J did not affect me and my future?

Ugh. I hate that he still affects me. It's not worth it.


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

He'll affect you Wren and he played a big part in your life. You are still tied to him.

Eventually, you know that things will get better. It's proof of how you are doing now vs. 3 months ago.


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## wren (Aug 19, 2009)

Well, I did something I am not sure I will or will not regret. Because I am having such a hard time finding a job in this town and also due to the hurt this house brings me, I again offered to let J buy me out of the deed to the house. He accepted.

I have mixed feelings because the truth is, and he will agree, this house is the embodiment of all my hard work. There is a connection to this home that J has never felt. And the idea that he will benefit from it and possibly bring another person into my home causes great sadness and anger in me.

But, I need to detach from him completely. And the mortgage is paid by his paycheck. Once I am detached financially, I feel I can finally say goodbye.

I am terrified because the heat is really on to find a job so I can find another home. Good news is I don't have a move out date but I don't want to rest on that fact.


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## harley2003 (Feb 8, 2010)

Wren,

New to the board but just wanted to throw this out to you. Getting out of the house will be a good thing. My W has said when she leaves, she doesn't want the house so I get to keep it. But honestly, I am not sure I want to sit in a house we bought and furnished and decorated. Too much to make my mind wonder off into the past.

With a new life comes new places, new people. Hang in there. You are inspiring to those of us that are just beginning this long and painful road.


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## knortoh (Sep 5, 2009)

Wren, this is sensible for you - 
and gaining financial independence will open so many new possibilities for you...
whatever lovely stuff you have brought to that house - and I am sure it is gorgeous you will bring through your creativity to wherever you live - it is your creativity and your vision that is truly precious - and truly you...
K


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

I think that's a good move Wren...buying out of the deed.

Just think, he's going to be haunted by you. And...if anyone wants to move in with him, in the future, they will be haunted as well.

Awhile back, in our old home, a lady was looking at our house. She had moved in with her new husband and he was widowed. She wanted to buy something else badly as she felt haunted by his widow. Not literally but figuratively. I'd feel the same. The curtain she put up or the furniture she helped pick out, etc. 

Just see it as your "legacy" that you left behind!


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## wren (Aug 19, 2009)

Well, I am finally all moved into my tiny apartment with my two cats. I picked up the last of my things on Saturday. I moved to my hometown to be closer to my nieces and makes the commute to Raleigh quicker.

I can't find full-time work. But I am doing contract work for a friend that has a private therapy practice. Hopefully as her work increases, so will mine. Because of the buy-out of the deed, I will be able to afford the apt. without full-time work for now. I try not to worry as I know doors will open.

I am mourning the loss of my home, community, neighbors ( a few of them came over on Sat. as I was moving and hugged me with tears. It was hard!) and my feral colony that I adopted. It's only a half hour away so I will visit. But how odd it will be to drive by the house, with my roses and iris blooming, and see his car in the driveway. It's not my home, any longer.

I am trying to be excited about the new place. I have to admit, it can be lonely. Even though J moved out and I lived in the house alone, I knew I could walk out my back door and see my neighbors. Here, I know no one. And it's very quiet.

I started a container garden on my patio. And I am beginning to think about decorating the walls since most of my things are unpacked now.

I'm semi-dating the same guy. There have been HUGE bumps in the road. I don't know how to date. I have been in a relationship for my entire life. I have been triggered quite a bit, though I know it's mostly about my lack of healing regarding my relationship with J. I don't know if it will turn into anything as he seems to only want someone to share fun and companionship with indefinitely. I know that's really what I need. I couldn't handle a relationship with any semblance of healthy boundaries. I just feel an ache of loneliness.

I am still seeing my therapist once a month but I may speak to her about seeing me more often since the move has brought up more mourning.

I think I'm doing okay. I laugh more than I did 9 months ago. And I have accomplished quite a bit, independently. But I have realized that I have a lot more healing that needs to happen before I can truly be happy with myself.

That's my update. Hope all are well. <3


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

Wonderful update!

Achieving independence will be important for you as it was for me. It allows us the freedom to be ourselves without the strings of another...for now. 

There will be other doors; doors that are wide open; doors that are cracked; doors that you have to open yourself. Regardless, take those opportunities...whether it's contract work or doing something that doesn't initially attract you. You never knows what lies in waiting. 

You are an awesome girl. I expect great things out of you!


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## Feelingalone (Apr 22, 2009)

Wren,

I concur with CW. Great update! You have come so far. I still remember just before X-mas someone who I was concerned about. No longer. You are taking the reins of your life and you've got your gitty-up back.

I'm so glad to hear it. Keep it up!

Peace.


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## wren (Aug 19, 2009)

wow. here i am a year later. It's painful to reread some of my posts.
I am still healing. I've learned that there is no rush. Grief has its own schedule. I'm still dating, even after a lot of bad dates. LOL
I've been hurt a few times and it triggered old J issues. 

He's living with a woman now. He was in a new relationship less than 6 months after he left me. He has done a lot of things in the past couple of years that solidify the fact that I am better off without him. Part of me will always love him. That's who I am.

If you're reading this and hurting like hell, listen to me. It does lessen. Day by day, you'll learn to live with the grief. And you'll emerge a stronger, better you.


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