# What's on his mind?



## TrishaC. (Aug 8, 2014)

I've been married to my husband for about 1.5 years. I consider myself attractive. I'm athletic 5'3 125 lb. I know men desire a variety of women. I'm curious how often during intimacy my husband thinks of other women. I don't consider myself prude. I enjoy sexy time and never turn him down. My question is how often do you guys imagine another woman in bed?


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## doubletrouble (Apr 23, 2013)

Doesn't really do it for me. I like to focus on what's right there in my hands, putting her life energy into me as I am into her.


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## omgitselaine (Sep 5, 2013)

Trisha be careful with what you're asking ??

I would put this question in the " What I don't know ...... won't hurt " bucket IMHO !

I've wondered the same of my husband but have always bit my lip and kept this to myself !

_Posted via *Topify* on Android_


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Trisha... welcome as a newbie to TAM. Trust me, do not start too many NEW threads. It's hard to follow your story when its in bits and pieces.

Stick to one thread, unless they are COMPLETELY different issues. You will get much more cohesive advice that way...


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Most people do occasionally, but few do so often. We both do occasionally. Don't worry about it, and certainly don't ask if you are concerned about the answer. Mental privacy is still a concept I value.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening all
I'm sure it varies a lot and it isn't something that you should ever ask a lover. 

FWIW, I never imagine another person. I will occasionally imagine a fantasy situation.


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## Thunder7 (Jan 2, 2013)

I've never done this. Maybe I'm the odd one, but I'd rather focus on my wife's pleasure rather than try to pretend I'm with Kate Upton. While I love me some Kate Upton the whole fantasizing about someone else while in the middle if the best parts would be very distracting.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

TrishaC. said:


> I've been married to my husband for about 1.5 years. I consider myself attractive. I'm athletic 5'3 125 lb. I know men desire a variety of women. I'm curious how often during intimacy my husband thinks of other women. I don't consider myself prude. I enjoy sexy time and never turn him down. My question is how often do you guys imagine another woman in bed?


Very rarely when I'm with my SO. Imagining others is limited to DIY time. 

C


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

I am very visual. Can't hit the hallelujah point without visual stimulation so I always have some light to see my partner. If it's completely dark then the mind wanders. I prefer to be in the present


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## stupidman (Jul 24, 2014)

Men are mostly visual creatures. Why fantasize when you have the real thing right there. Are you worried because you sometimes fantasize about other men and figure he must do the same thing. Women are the ones you gotta worry about ;-).


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## TrishaC. (Aug 8, 2014)

stupidman said:


> Men are mostly visual creatures. Why fantasize when you have the real thing right there. Are you worried because you sometimes fantasize about other men and figure he must do the same thing. Women are the ones you gotta worry about ;-).



I'm very much "in the moment" with my husband. I'm attracted to my husband physically and emotionally. The thought of other men kind grosses me out. . . . I'm not saying other men are gross. I was just curious if men feel the same during intimacy


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## stupidman (Jul 24, 2014)

TrishaC. said:


> I'm very much "in the moment" with my husband.


I truly believe most guys are too. Not only are we too stupid to think about too many things all at once, when we are connected emotionally with a woman her "flaws" do not matter. You might not like the way you look in the mirror naked (just a generalization, not aimed at you) but you can be sure your husband likes to look at you naked.


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## murphy5 (May 1, 2014)

it is an odd thing to worry about! If you want him thinking of you during sex, then have GREAT sex. Dress up in really stunning lingerie and act kinky. Believe me, he will be thinking of you only.

If it is missionary PIV sex, with you just lying there and saying or doing nothing, yeah, his mind may wander to some hot porn he saw recently.


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## marko (Jul 22, 2013)

murphy5 said:


> it is an odd thing to worry about! If you want him thinking of you during sex, then have GREAT sex. Dress up in really stunning lingerie and act kinky. Believe me, he will be thinking of you only.
> 
> If it is missionary PIV sex, with you just lying there and saying or doing nothing, yeah, his mind may wander to some hot porn he saw recently.


my wife has gotten into this phase before, basically it just turns into duty sex, which I will still take but it is easy for the mind to wander to a woman I seen earlier in the day or some hot porn that switched me on a few days ago. 

if she is into it and turned on seriously and doing groovy things to me/for me then she is the only one in my head. 

We have been together for 26 years so we have pretty well done everything everywhere we could so sometimes you just need a little help so your mind wanders.


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

If you ever want to ask a mood killer question pop that one on your husband during sex.

We guys are visual, we may fantasize about other women during the course of our day but when it's sex time we focus on who we are with, at least that's how it has always been for me. That doesn't mean we don't like things changed up a bit, heck a new shampoo or hair style can get us horny, but it's still you we want. 

OP if you don't appear to be having issues in the bedroom please don't start making them up, it will certainly ruin the mood.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Thunder7 said:


> I've never done this. Maybe I'm the odd one, but I'd rather focus on my wife's pleasure rather than try to pretend I'm with Kate Upton. While I love me some Kate Upton the whole fantasizing about someone else while in the middle if the best parts would be very distracting.



I don't suppose you've seen an un-photoshopped pic of Kate Upton? Honest question, i'm trying to understand which version you're into. Cause her body looks pretty different before they photoshop the crap out of her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## marko (Jul 22, 2013)

was not sure who Kate Upton was so I googled her, she is a sweetie, then I seen the picture with her smoking.....done! don't care who she is now.


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## Stretch (Dec 12, 2012)

Never for me until we separated, both had relationships and are trying to R.

I think it is less likely to think of my recent partner during love making than at various times during my day.

Stretch


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## Jetranger (May 31, 2013)

I am always thinking about the woman I've got right there at that moment... if I didn't want her, I wouldn't be having sex with her. I have read that women sometimes think about other men during sex and that worries and confuses me a bit.

Based on your description of yourself, you almost certainly are the focus of his attention!


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## dormant (Apr 3, 2012)

I may be the odd man out here, but my mind is ALWAYS somewhere else. Of course, we have only tried something once so far this year. From my perspective, we may never try it again.


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## murphy5 (May 1, 2014)

during sex, he is either thinking of your body, some other woman's hot body, beer, or a samwich! One of the above.


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## Thunder7 (Jan 2, 2013)

lifeistooshort said:


> I don't suppose you've seen an un-photoshopped pic of Kate Upton? Honest question, i'm trying to understand which version you're into. Cause her body looks pretty different before they photoshop the crap out of her.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I've seen numerous pics of Kate Upton. None of which would make me change her desirability in my eyes. We can't always look our best I guess. However, I'm not a big fan of the smoking.


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## Davelli0331 (Apr 29, 2011)

My mind rarely wanders during sex, and if it does it's usually to some piddly little thing I've been worried about recently, like finishing up some house project or doing taxes or something equally mundane. I can think of maybe only 2-3 times in our entire marriage where I was thinking of another woman. It always felt wrong to me.

Usually if my mind is wandering it's bc we're having sex in the dark where I can't see anything, and I'm dreadfully visual when it comes to sexual stuff.


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## ankh (Oct 14, 2012)

Think about it this way: I imagine other women BUT I am in bed with YOU. Isn't THAT what counts?


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## Jetranger (May 31, 2013)

ankh said:


> Think about it this way: I imagine other women BUT I am in bed with YOU. Isn't THAT what counts?


I interpret that as "I wish YOU were THEM, and imagine that's their *****, not yours".


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

I often think of baseball but that's because I'm trying not to come so fast


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## BostonBruins32 (Nov 2, 2013)

During the act, I never imagine someone else. I am turned on during the moment by my wife.

To be honest, I can see where this dynamic could change. I was rejected at like a 80-90% clip for years. In the midst of a 180, I've stopped initiating. Porn has been an outlet at times. Should this continue to be the case, maybe I would begin fantasizing about someone else. This may or may not be of interest, but I wanted to offer a dynamic where it happens.

In your case OP, you haev nothing to worry about.


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

Almostrecovered said:


> I often think of baseball but that's because I'm trying not to come so fast


Guilty :rofl:


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## Jetranger (May 31, 2013)

okeydokie said:


> Guilty :rofl:


I have looked away (from the visual stimulation) and tried to clear my mind when a woman was doing something pretty amazing that she was getting off on but was at risk of getting me off quickly too.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

works every time...


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

TrishaC. said:


> I've been married to my husband for about 1.5 years. I consider myself attractive. I'm athletic 5'3 125 lb. I know men desire a variety of women. I'm curious how often during intimacy my husband thinks of other women. I don't consider myself prude. I enjoy sexy time and never turn him down. My question is how often do you guys imagine another woman in bed?


How often do you? 

That will probably answer your question for your husband as well.


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## SamuraiJack (May 30, 2014)

“What’s on his mind?” by SJ...morning edition

Rolls over…
“Darn. Too bad we fell asleep last night. I was dying to make love to you babe.”
“Hey! Whats this?!” 
“Someone found Sammy!”
“Tenacious little vixen , aren’t you?”
“Oooo! That’s good!”
“Hmm wonder if there is coffee?”
“Whoa! She’s been reading again!”
“Damn Im a lucky guy!!!”
“Argh! Dog! Get off the bed…just for a few minutes!”
“Oooo! Off comes the nightshirt…she’s gonna…Alright!”
“Ride em Cowgirl!!!”
“Shoot. Wonder if the kids hear this? Are they up yet?”
“Oh. Sorry babe gonna have to interrupt you. Time to channel my inner foreplay master…Ohmmmmmm.”
“She liked that last time….huh…Oh I see!”
“I wonder if I should stop and brush my teeth?”
“Okay I love it when she makes that noise?”
“Is she close?”
“Sometimes it’s hard to tell. Women need a gauge so you can tell when you are on track.” <imagines Nobel Prize committee> “Samurai, you have done us a great service…”
“I think my neck is going to stay like this permanently. “
“Twist your head? Nope. Scratchy beard burns.” <Imagines Sean Connery in Red dawn> “Stay your course!”
“Oooo! There we go. Hold your head right there! She ‘s grabbing your ears!. Hahahahahaaa!” <imagines pirate captain> “and you can bet your miserable lives her cargo holds are filled with precious booty!”
“Hahaha. You said ‘Booty’”
“She’s so close! I love this part” <clip from star wars> “Stay on target!”
“ and there she goes!!!!” <clip from Army of Darkness. “hail to the King , baby!”

…”and now for my final act…Guilt free finish!...then coffee!”

“Geronimo!!!!”


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## Middle of Everything (Feb 19, 2012)

As long as you are into it and enthusiastic? Zero reason for one to think of another woman. If its lay there and get it over sex? I could see why a mind could wander.

_Posted via *Topify* on Android_


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