# Kicked off of SI



## RebuildingMe

Hello all. As the title says, it took me almost 3 years to get banned from SI. So I am over here now, a place that I have read before, but never posted. In short, I am on marriage number 2. Was cheated on in first M and my current wife and I are MH's (EA only, no PA- sexting, pictures, phone sex). I outed my wife's AP to his wife, my wife has basically rugswept my EA with an ex GF I hadn't seen in 20 years but was still talking to. MY wife knew I was talking to my AP, however, she kept hers secret for our entire 10 year M at the time. I discovered. We are both in R. I am in IC. DDay was late 2016.

Well, that's it. I look forward to speaking with you all as we navigate this **** storm.

Edit to make less complicated since I can’t reply:
I am divorced and remarried. I am on second marriage. We have both cheated, having EA’s and are trying to R. Forget about the first marriage. It’s unimportant.


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## StarFires

My goodness that was confusing.


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## VibrantWings

StarFires said:


> My goodness that was confusing.


This. I don't read SI (it's hard enough for me to keep up in this one site) so I'm not familiar with the "story". 
To the OP, do you mind to elaborate more about what happened to get you banned?


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## MattMatt

OK, welcome to TAM.

How can we help you?


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## Betrayedone

What is that, Sports Illustrated?


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## SunCMars

Betrayedone said:


> What is that, Sports Illustrated?


More like Vogue Magazine.


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## UpsideDownWorld11

Congratulations on getting kicked off that site. They lie over there, the first step towards healing is getting away from all those PMSing losers. Worked for me. You are on your way.


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## arbitrator

*Welcome to TAM, where you'll find that we are a much more happier lot!

Now that doesn't exactly mean that the banhammer doesn't occasionally fall here, but our hammer wielders seem to be much more judicious about it! *


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## RebuildingMe

Well, it started with being banned in “wayward”. Then I got banned in “just found out”. Finally, I was banned from posting anywhere on SI. 

Currently, things are okay. Just wanted to join a new community. As a MH, it was tough fitting in on SI as I felt everyone hated me. The R advice newly BS’ got over there was sickening.


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## Andy1001

I’m trying to figure out what MH is the abbreviation of. 
Mental health, man hater, motor home, mail handler???


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## RebuildingMe

Mad Hatter. Sorry, I will have to get used to the abbreviations on TAM


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## RebuildingMe

UpsideDownWorld11 said:


> Congratulations on getting kicked off that site. They lie over there, the first step towards healing is getting away from all those PMSing losers. Worked for me. You are on your way.


Yes, I agree. There were 2 or 3 that got under my skin. A person named sister milkshake, whatever the hell that means was just about the worst I’ve seen. Too many BH’s getting walked all over with multiple ddays and just stayed for more. Too many doormats over at SI. If you don’t “conform” you get the boot.


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## Oldtimer

Sports Illustrated, just has a nasal clean with coffee! lol


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## Cynthia

RebuildingMe said:


> Well, it started with being banned in “wayward”. Then I got banned in “just found out”. Finally, I was banned from posting anywhere on SI.


Why? We already know you were banned. Please tell use exactly why you were banned.

What does Mad Hatter mean?



RebuildingMe said:


> Well, that's it. I look forward to speaking with you all as we navigate this sh%# storm.


So you have been working on reconciliation for almost three years now and your still refer to your marriage this way. What are you doing to resolve the issues between you?
What books have you read?
What methods have you implemented?
Are either or both of you receiving professional help?


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## OnTheFly

Andy1001 said:


> I’m trying to figure out what MH is the abbreviation of.
> Mental health, man hater, motor home, mail handler???


I was going to ask if MH was ''married husband''......seems redundant, though, haha.

MadHatter, we got a few.....looking at you, SunC


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## RebuildingMe

CynthiaDe said:


> RebuildingMe said:
> 
> 
> 
> Well, it started with being banned in “wayward”. Then I got banned in “just found out”. Finally, I was banned from posting anywhere on SI.
> 
> 
> 
> Why? We already know you were banned. Please tell use exactly why you were banned.
> 
> What does Mad Hatter mean?
> 
> 
> 
> RebuildingMe said:
> 
> 
> 
> Well, that's it. I look forward to speaking with you all as we navigate this sh%# storm.
> 
> Click to expand...
> 
> So you have been working on reconciliation for almost three years now and your still refer to your marriage this way. What are you doing to resolve the issues between you?
> What books have you read?
> What methods have you implemented?
> Are either or both of you receiving professional help?
Click to expand...

I was banned from one forum for being too tough on waywards when I knew they were full of it. When I got banned from just found out for trying to restore physical peace, I was banned because I was not just a BS and therefore couldn’t post. When I posted about the crappy ass mods on SI, I was kicked off. 

I’m in IC for almost a year. We have read the books, how to help your spouse and not just friends. It is up and down. But even if it was all good, this whole ordeal has been a **** storm.


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## TBT

CynthiaDe said:


> What does Mad Hatter mean?


Means both a betrayed and a wayward in the relationship.


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## In Absentia

we still don't know what SI is... :laugh:


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## Wolfman1968

In Absentia said:


> we still don't know what SI is... :laugh:



SI is Surviving Infidelity, another website for relationships with an emphasis (pretty much exclusively) on infidelity. Each type of poster (cheater, betrayed, etc.) are restricted to various segments of the forum.
They have a reputation for coddling waywards, and are run by Thought Police moderators who rule with a Stalinist fervor against anything that doesn't conform to their paradigm.

MadHatter is jargon that, as far as I can tell, is specific to that site, denoting someone who has both cheated and has been cheated on. 


Waywards tend to collect there more because, as opposed to TAM, they tend not to be held to account for their behavior very much. TAM has a reputation (probably earned) of being pretty hard on cheaters, but SI almost seems to be a support group for their cheating, helping justify their behavior in many cases. Personally, I can't believe that Waywards would get from that site the perspective they need to make constructive changes in their life. It's almost like they should rename the site "Surviving Rugsweeping."


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## In Absentia

Wolfman1968 said:


> SI is Surviving Infidelity, another website for relationships with an emphasis (pretty much exclusively) on infidelity. Each type of poster (cheater, betrayed, etc.) are restricted to various segments of the forum.


Ah, thanks for that! Yes, I've heard of it... luckily, I never needed it... unless my soon to be ex wife is a very clever cheater or I'm just stupid...:smile2:


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## Wolfman1968

Frankly, many would see being banned from SI as an achievement.


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## In Absentia

Wolfman1968 said:


> Frankly, many would see being banned from SI as an achievement.


:laugh:


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## farsidejunky

RebuildingMe said:


> I was banned from one forum for being too tough on waywards when I knew they were full of it. When I got banned from just found out for trying to restore physical peace, I was banned because I was not just a BS and therefore couldn’t post. When I posted about the crappy ass mods on SI, I was kicked off.
> 
> I’m in IC for almost a year. We have read the books, how to help your spouse and not just friends. It is up and down. But even if it was all good, this whole ordeal has been a **** storm.


Each of those is a clear violation of their rules.

What did you think would happen?

Sent from my Pixel 3 XL using Tapatalk


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## Lila

Welcome to TAM.

I think most would be interested in hearing what actions you have taken as a wayward husband to repair the relationship. You mentioned your wife has essentially rugswept your EA but have you made any efforts on your own? We get some wayward spouses here who seem to genuinely want to repair their relationship but the advice is usually very one sided coming from betrayeds. It's a whole different ball game when the advice actually comes from someone who has been there, done that and we have few of those who have remained active.


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## jlg07

Actually, from what I gleaned, a mad hatter is someone who has ALSO cheated, but I could be completely wrong. I don't look at SI very much -- it's an awful forum system -- no likes, no searches, etc..


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## sokillme

RebuildingMe said:


> Hello all. As the title says, it took me almost 3 years to get banned from SI. So I am over here now, a place that I have read before, but never posted. In short, I am on marriage number 2. Was cheated on in first M and my current wife and I are MH's (EA only, no PA- sexting, pictures, phone sex). I outed my wife's AP to his wife, my wife has basically rugswept my EA with an ex GF I hadn't seen in 20 years but was still talking to. MY wife knew I was talking to my AP, however, she kept hers secret for our entire 10 year M at the time. I discovered. We are both in R. I am in IC. DDay was late 2016.
> 
> Well, that's it. I look forward to speaking with you all as we navigate this sh%# storm.
> 
> Edit to make less complicated since I can’t reply:
> I am divorced and remarried. I am on second marriage. We have both cheated, having EA’s and are trying to R. Forget about the first marriage. It’s unimportant.


Congrats. Can't post authentically on that site anyway.

What is the timeline of your marriage who cheated first.


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## Cynthia

RebuildingMe said:


> I was banned from one forum for being too tough on waywards when I knew they were full of it. When I got banned from just found out for trying to restore physical peace, I was banned because I was not just a BS and therefore couldn’t post. When I posted about the crappy ass mods on SI, I was kicked off.
> 
> I’m in IC for almost a year. We have read the books, how to help your spouse and not just friends. It is up and down. But even if it was all good, this whole ordeal has been a **** storm.


Thank you for answering my questions.

What have you been doing to resolve the marriage problems?
What has your wife been doing to resolve the marriage problems?
Please be specific so we can understand what is and is not working for you two.
Also, what is the current state of your marriage? What is the level of trust from you to her and her her to you? How much time do you spend together and what are you doing with that time?


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## RebuildingMe

Just some more info. We were married in 2007. My second M and her first. My daughter from my first M came to live with us unexpectedly 4 months after we were M. This slowly caused stress on our new M as we both had careers. In 2011 we had twins, a boy and a girl. This put further stress on us as my daughter felt left out and was lashing out against my wife. It came to a head in 2015 and my daughter went back to live with her mother (my ex wife). I was resentful towards my wife that it didn’t work out for us and my daughter. She was resentful towards me that I basically just expected my wife to be her mom. My daughter was only 7 when she came to live with us. 

We grew further apart. I began sleeping in the spare bedroom. My wife went away for two weeks in the summer of 2016 with her mom and the twins. During that time, I met up with an ex gf I had stayed in contact with. My wife knew about her. We had dinner together but nothing physical happened. She said she wanted to kiss me but I said no. We left. She kept texting me and sent me a video of herself naked and playing. I never told my wife. 

Later in 2016 my wife and I were in MC. Neither of us sure we wanted to stay in the M. On election night, I was going to bed in my room. I noticed my wife still had the tv on. It was late. I walked into her bedroom (our former bedroom) and she was having phone sex with some guy. We argued and argued. She right away wanted to R. I found SI shortly thereafter. They gave me good advice on contacting the guys wife, which I did. I dug into phone records, recovered deleted texts. There was nude photos between the both of them. I bought a VAR and planted it in her car. This was complete no contact between them after that night. I do thank SI for that. I didn’t play any pick me dance. The M was almost over by that time anyway. I also confessed my EA. She didn’t ask many questions, just asked that I also don’t have contact with my ex gf. 

It’s been almost 3 years since. Neither of us ever broke no contact with our AP’s. We’ve done therapy. I am in IC for my anger issues and depression. I went on a SSRI drug about 6 months ago and it has changed my life so much for the better. We get along better now than we ever did in the past. We are transparent with our phones. Trust is coming back. I still check from time to time but never found anything. I have established a new relationship with my daughter who is now 19 and is in the army. 

Over the years on SI I was able to spot bs from a mile away. However, they don’t appreciate posters calling people out on the bs. Everyone is treated as snowflakes. It was only a matter of time before I got banned. I got banned for speaking my mind. It was on a wayward for not owning their mess. It was on a BH for being a doormat. Eventually, I had enough and, apparently, so did they.


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## UpsideDownWorld11

RebuildingMe said:


> UpsideDownWorld11 said:
> 
> 
> 
> Congratulations on getting kicked off that site. They lie over there, the first step towards healing is getting away from all those PMSing losers. Worked for me. You are on your way.
> 
> 
> 
> Yes, I agree. There were 2 or 3 that got under my skin. A person named sister milkshake, whatever the hell that means was just about the worst I’ve seen. Too many BH’s getting walked all over with multiple ddays and just stayed for more. Too many doormats over at SI. If you don’t “conform” you get the boot.
Click to expand...

She is by far the worst. You know the scripture: "Why do you look at the splinter in your brothers eye, but don't notice the beam of wood in your own eye?"

That's what I think about when I hear yet another SI member driven away by her 'Holier than thou' ilk.


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## UpsideDownWorld11

jlg07 said:


> Actually, from what I gleaned, a mad hatter is someone who has ALSO cheated, but I could be completely wrong. I don't look at SI very much -- it's an awful forum system -- no likes, no searches, etc..


Yea, a madhatter is reserved for someone that cheats AFTER their spouse cheats. Obviously a distinction deserves to be made in those circumstances which SI doesn't allow (you are just a wayward POS, possibly worse than your own wayward). Obviously, two wrongs don't make a right, but what do you expect will be the just recompensation when somebody that professes to love you stabs you in the back in such a deceitful and disgusting way? Most people aren't concerned with such scruples when their life has been leveled to the ground by the one person that thought they had their back.


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## Blondilocks

You had a good run - over 2 1/2 years which is longer than a lot.


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## Andy1001

Blondilocks said:


> You had a good run - over 2 1/2 years which is longer than a lot.


I went on loveshack one time. 
I made one post and was banned, this must be a record.


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## ConanHub

Andy1001 said:


> I went on loveshack one time.
> I made one post and was banned, this must be a record.


:smthumbup:


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## CraigBesuden

I’ve never seen that other site, but to me SI is Silicon Investor forums.


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## nekonamida

UpsideDownWorld11 said:


> She is by far the worst. You know the scripture: "Why do you look at the splinter in your brothers eye, but don't notice the beam of wood in your own eye?"
> 
> That's what I think about when I hear yet another SI member driven away by her 'Holier than thou' ilk.


Ugh. Wasn't she exposed on another thread here as a liar? Or maybe I'm thinking of someone else but I know she was name dropped in another thread here about SI and some info was shared.


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## RebuildingMe

She rugswept her husband's SEVEN year affair. She is the last person on earth who should be giving marital advice.


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## Cynthia

RebuildingMe said:


> She rugswept her husband's SEVEN year affair. She is the last person on earth who should be giving marital advice.


That depends. Did she stop rug sweeping?

Has she learned from her experiences?

We all do dumb things. Those who learn from their mistakes that can of service to others.


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## Decorum

Welcome! I hope you find some of the help and support you need here.


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## She'sStillGotIt

RebuildingMe said:


> I was banned from one forum for being too tough on waywards when I knew they were full of it. When I got banned from just found out for trying to restore physical peace, I was banned because I was not just a BS and therefore couldn’t post. When I posted about the crappy ass mods on SI, I was kicked off.


LOL. Some of their mods have been around since Hector was a pup and are self proclaimed to be "happily reconciled" for many years.

And you're not alone in your remarks about Sister Milkshake. Her constant NEED to validate her choice to desperately cling to a POS after he had himself a big old *7-year affair* is just so pitiful. She's constantly arguing with other members because she thinks her pitifully skewed opinions are the only ones that matter and if you don't agree with her, she lets you know. But honestly, who the hell would take her "advice" *seriously* when she stayed with someone who screwed her over *royally *by having a 7 year affair??? Isn't asking for her advice kind of like asking the fat lady in the circus for dieting advice? I mean, come *on*. But the fools in charge continually put up with her trouble-making and her tantrums because obviously one of the admins is protecting her. She should have been booted YEARS ago.

I guess you found out that they love to wallow in their victim-hood over there, RebuldingMe. See, you and your wife broke the rules and evened out the cheating score between you - making you Mad Hatters which goes against the victim mentality they love to embrace. One of the rules of victim-hood over there is to *always* be honest, be loyal, be faithful, and show lots and lots of love and respect to the cheater who **** all over you. Since you both cheated, to the KoolAid drinking brain-trust over there, *that* instantly put you very low on the food chain - directly below plankton. :rofl: 

Welcome to TAM where you actually get to have an opinon without having to worry about being banned by the "forever-deluded."


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## Stryder

farsidejunky said:


> RebuildingMe said:
> 
> 
> 
> I was banned from one forum for being too tough on waywards when I knew they were full of it. When I got banned from just found out for trying to restore physical peace, I was banned because I was not just a BS and therefore couldn’t post. When I posted about the crappy ass mods on SI, I was kicked off.
> 
> I’m in IC for almost a year. We have read the books, how to help your spouse and not just friends. It is up and down. But even if it was all good, this whole ordeal has been a **** storm.
> 
> 
> 
> Each of those is a clear violation of their rules.
> 
> What did you think would happen?
> 
> Sent from my Pixel 3 XL using Tapatalk
Click to expand...

Breaking the rules of a site has nothing to do with its members nor their advice. If you don’t like the rules, don’t join. If you join anyway and break their rules, don’t cry when you get banned.

Any reason why you should be a special snowflake and all the other rubes needs to follow them?

Isn’t this similar to how you broke the rules of your marriage by having internet sex with your ex?


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## RebuildingMe

> Isn’t this similar to how you broke the rules of your marriage by having internet sex with your ex?


Ahh, now I see where the anger in your post is coming from. Yes, my wife and I did hurtful things to each other. I have worked on my issues for almost a year now in IC. We are now safe partners for each other but the damage will last a lifetime.


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## Taxman

Really too tough on wayeards? There was a 3 page thread a few days back from “Boxerdog” Likeliest worst I have seen. Entitled to the core. They were piling on, he was defiant, and sometime in the last 24 hrs it was removed. Inconsistency in treatment more like it.


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## Rlc307

Shew....I'm not sure what's going on here but welcome!


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## Stryder

RebuildingMe said:


> Isn’t this similar to how you broke the rules of your marriage by having internet sex with your ex?
> 
> 
> 
> Ahh, now I see where the anger in your post is coming from. Yes, my wife and I did hurtful things to each other. I have worked on my issues for almost a year now in IC. We are
> now safe partners for each other but the damage will last a lifetime.
Click to expand...

No anger. It’s just easy to recognize wayward thinking when you see it long enough. If you break the rules here, you’ll be banned as well. Just ask Bandit45. Cheating spouses all think they’re above the rules and that they have special circumstances to break them.


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## Stryder

Taxman said:


> Really too tough on wayeards? There was a 3 page thread a few days back from “Boxerdog” Likeliest worst I have seen. Entitled to the core. They were piling on, he was defiant, and sometime in the last 24 hrs it was removed. Inconsistency in treatment more like it.


It’s still there on the first page of the wayward forum. There’s a thread in CWI discussing it with links.


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## MattMatt

I am thankful that I found TAM, not SI.

Anyway, how's it going?


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## Elniño

Taxman said:


> Really too tough on wayeards? There was a 3 page thread a few days back from “Boxerdog” Likeliest worst I have seen. Entitled to the core. They were piling on, he was defiant, and sometime in the last 24 hrs it was removed. Inconsistency in treatment more like it.



That dude was scary as Hell. I hope his wife is safe. I couldn’t believe how long they let that go on.


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## She'sStillGotIt

I never bothered reading the Wayward board on SI. Such a dog and pony show.

It seemed like a good portion of the posters there were WS's who were showboating, plain and simple. Some were there posting because their BS's made it a requirement of reconciliation, and others were there simply because they knew their spouse would eventually "find" their _secret_ heartfelt posts of remorse, love and loyalty to their BS's on SI in their browser history (because their BS was now monitoring all their stuff). It's just so freakin' *obvious* that some of those cheaters just use that board solely as a manipulative ploy to gain favor with their BS by posting crap they know their BS will read. Pfffft..

*SO* many phonies, so little time.


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## RebuildingMe

MattMatt said:


> I am thankful that I found TAM, not SI.
> 
> Anyway, how's it going?


Thanks Matt for asking. It was a horrible go fo about two years after dday. However, at the advice of my cardiologist, I started taking a SSRI about 6 months ago. It has changed my mood completely. It was brought back peace in my M, after years of talking about D. Things have been really good between us. We have been kind and caring partners again. Best of all, it has taken away my desire to go down that rabbit hole and spend days, if not weeks, of being angry and depressed. It has also balanced out my need for sex. I have always been HD, she was always LD. Through lots of communication, we are now 2x a week, which seems to work well for both of us. 

I am happy to be on TAM. New people, new problems to assist on, all without a MOD breathing down your neck.


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## MattMatt

That's good to know.


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