# Please Help my military marriage.



## militaryjohn (Jun 22, 2012)

Please help me. 
I've been with my wife for 10 years now. 2 dating and 8 years married. We've had our ups and downs while dating. Even cheated. My wife got pregnant before my reassignment. I moved her out to my place and continued with our relationship. All though I was providing for her she still was talking to someone back home secretly. I found love letters once I brought this to her attention she said she called it off. We got married a few months after this. 

I deployed my first time shortly after. Our marriage seemed fine told her to go home to visit her family and she returned all was well. After a year of deployment I came home and again everything was going good. We had another baby 9 months later and I deployed 6 months after our second child. I came home on leave from deployment and she got pregnant again. I wasn't able to be there for that due to deployment. 

All seemed well. We were reassigned and moved to my new duty station. And it seemed to be okay for a while. But due to my job I spent a lot of time away. Leaving my wife to do all the work and play both father and mother. We had another baby 9 months later. I still spent a lot of time away from my family and showed 100% of my dedication to my kids and job and left my wife alone to deal with everything. 

She felt alone for a long time and that she felt like we were roommates. Not married. I am deployed again and now we are having a huge fight. I questioned her loyalty to me and questioned her on if she was cheating. Looking at her facebook, phone records. I know I've messed up big time she is at her families place visiting. I tried to apologize for my actions. We are about to be reassigned again but she doesn't know if she wants to make the move with me. She say's she loves me and don't want the kids to be without me. But she doesn't care about us anymore? She wants to do counseling but we both don't know if it will help. I feel like I lost her. 

About me: Grew up with both parents stable household parents still together. Dad was extremely jealous but grew out of it.
Wife: broken home, hardly any money, moved a lot, left with relatives, provided for herself. 

Sorry for the length just needed to get it out. Thanks in advance for anyone responding.


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## Mindful Coach (Sep 15, 2011)

Military John,

Thank you for serving our country. It sounds as if your wife has been dedicated to the marriage and is tired of being alone. It also sounds as if you realize how you contributed to that, so now it's time to show her how you can be there for her. And yes, certainly get in counseling and if there is any way you can get an extension on your reassignment or any other time off, now would be the time to take it and work on saving your marriage.


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## militaryjohn (Jun 22, 2012)

Thank you for serving our country.

Thank you Tracy. I feel that I did break the trust that she trusted me to not overeact but I did. Now I feel I lost her she said she loves me just not in love with me anymore.

Sorry Mindful Coach

Sorry kept messing your name up thats how crazy my mind is/.


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