# Rape, domestic violence, and infidelity



## anthony7810 (Mar 17, 2013)

Dates of me and my wife we meet in aug 2008 married in oct 2010.

sept 2011) My story really begins while i was stationed with the Air Force in Korea.My wife stayed in Tucson for the year we would be apart. I was working when my first sergeant found me and relieved me with another individual. I already knew it was bad i've seen this type of behavior in the military. I ask what was wrong cause my mind was racing.He responded when was the last time you spoke with your wife and i said last night. I'll i can tell you is call this number its the American Red Cross there has been an assault on your wife.
I call the number tell them who i am and they put me through to my wife, she crying, choking on words sometimes just not making any sense. I ask her to calm down take a second when she did and the word flowed into my ear like a body/mind paralyzing venom. She was raped. Rohypnol? She didn't have much memory she said bits and pieces kinda like flash backs. We talked for hours and honestly don't remember anything actually being said after that. 
I fly back to Tucson as quick as i can, ok, now what do i do. I looked for help on the internet and sought console. Everything pointed to same thing "just be there make her safe", be her comfort zone for now". I had tons of questions i wanted to ask her but now wasn't the time. I told her we don't need to talk about anything but when and if your ready im here. A few weeks pass and a detective comes to the house asking my wife i few more questions for the final police report. I picking up concerns from the detective as he talks to us but i couldn't find his angle. He ask to speak with my wife privately and they spoke for about an hour and then he left. She came back in and was real quite and still. I ask is everything alright and she said "yes just a bit shaken up from talking about it". I put my arms around her told her im here. About 30 mins later her mom came over and my wife sat us both down and said i have to tell you guys something. There are going to be no charges filed against the suspect.Me "Why?huh? what do you mean'? The got all the evidence the rape kit, toxicology, statements and best of all the suspect supposedly gave his DNA. Yeah my wife said but i lied on the official report i made with the police not about the rape that did happen she ensures us. I look over at my mother-in-law to see her RED FLAG is as big as mine. She went on to say she lied all the way til when she got to the house where it happened and lied about all the events after? So i go into guy land paint the pretty picture ok she lied about getting there, lied about leaving there what are the chances it was consensual and she lying about her rape, pretty good odds. No charges were ever filed and the case is still sealed. So i this point i rethink my marriage reevaluating everything i just heard I take a couple weeks to chew it over and decide i really do love being with my wife she said this is what happened i stand by her side. Ok so she scared now not going to press charges. She wants to get outta dodge so i put in for Humanitarian assignment at nellis so she can still stay close to her family in Tucson.
Get to Las Vegas Nov 11 things start out without a hitch we moved into our new home Dec 11. Had a New year party here at the house few friends light drinking. Wife turns aggressive towards me playful at first but then more violent as i was talking and just trying to see ppl out the door. I get up from the couch and she push me as hard as she could back down and then both fist came full force into my stomach hurt like hell. I got mad yelled at her told her to stop and if you hit me again im going to hit back. That got everyone moving to the door quicker then she grabbed me and did some kung fu thing to my chest i quickly returned fire to the babymaker. Now its never ok to hit women you need to have self-control and i lost it that night but not like her she went into full alert demon a side i had never seen after i returned her favor. People were grabbing her cause im pretty sure i was going to die. She hits one of my friends 2 times in the face knocking off his glasses. Everyone is trying to calm her down not happening so for my safety i go to a friends house. We slept it off she tried to acussed me that night and i was to blame. I said 6 ppl were there they saw what happen im sorry i did what i did but made me feel like a rat in a wool sock on a 100 degree day,irritated. 
There is a PART III here going to leave it out for now give short version Pill go missing pills found on my wife pills go back to rightful owner basic but drama drama drama drama drama cause about march she stayed in bed all day popping pills anything to numb the life out of her would not work anyone who tried to get close to her became her enemy. Ive talk about seeking couples consuling she wanted to go but bail out last minute.
Guys never ignore your women thats the ultimate sin from which there is little chance of survival. Started with us getting ready for bed i was doing some stupid click click game and she closed her laptop i was moving my hand back in forth from keyboard to her back. She said close your computer please and just keep your hand on my back. I ask for 5 more mins which was rather fast 5 mins cause i quickly got the laptop shut on my hands. Ok im angry yep im hulking out green that means time for me to get the heck outta dodge i grab my laptop went to the front room stood there trying to cool off not happening im going to go to the upstairs bed i need 15 mins. Apparently women have the secret ability to hulk out too as she came out of the bedroom NO i want you to talk to me. Im not going to talk to you im angry your angry.
I went into the kitchen where she followed me i was calming eating a banana with my hulk smile and tried to leave the kitchen she block me to the left block me to the right. Hmm grab her arm pushed it towards ceiling went under. She followed me to living room backed me into corner pushed me up against the wall i pushed her back off me. She pushed harder. i pushed here back off . Then she grabbed my throat and scratched it i push her off again then she said and i quote "hit me hit me i dare you to leave a mark" me:yeah ok i see where your going here. she push one last time and i pushed her off me again . She called the cops we gave our statements i went to jail. She had a bruise size of a quarter on her outer shoulder i only pushed on her upper chest area so i don't know how she got it. i do have 6 really long scratches on my neck but that don't mean anything in Nevada apparently . So she runs off home to Tucson oh and sleeps with another guy cause she said she had no place to go awe poor thing. 
Just looking for some opinions I pretty sure what im going to do. Sorry this is my first blog, also i am terrible at writing my own language, and lastly i didnt have time to proof ready. so tired GL and GB Thank You


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## SaltInWound (Jan 2, 2013)

Talk to your MIL. 

Has your wife ever been evaluated for a psychological condition?


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

So what did you think really happened with the rape episode, date gone bad?


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## Numbersixxx (Oct 10, 2012)

It is perfectly ok to hit a woman in self-defense.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

How many times has she been violent with you?


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

I think your wife has been having a separate life and cheating for a while, and the whole last hit me thing was a set up for her to get out to go be with the OM.

The night she was raped, she willingly went home with the OM. Think about that and how it came to be. I'm not saying she didn't get raped that night, but think about the lifestyle that went into setting everything up before the rape?

She met another guy out, she flirted and played enough that he invited her to his place and she willingly accepted and went.

Sorry, but she's got all the redflags of a military wife who's into cheating on you.

She even set you up and then ran straight to her BF who slept with her that night.


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## anthony7810 (Mar 17, 2013)

@chapparal yeah i wonder sometimes if it was all a lie just to get me back home from Korea I dont know i hate to call an actual rape victim a liar but i just have suspicions around the last year about her sanity


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

I think she's sane. I just thinks she is totally self absorbed. She wantswhat she wants and everyone better stay out of her way.

She was never violent with you before? 

Has she tried to contact you?


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Have you talked to anyone about this? Rape counselors?.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

I think you should file for a divorce, maybe this life changing event will make her take the action she needs to take to be a healthier individual.

Maybe in time and after a years worth of help she can fix her self.

It took me about a year...thats 52 sessions of anger management to learn the tools to stop fighting, running folks of the road and slapping my old lady around.

My point here is you chick has issues and they need to be addressed, and the short of all this is bad behavior will continue with out consequences, and your wifes biggest consequence is losing you.

The sad reality is she most likely won't address sh1t and go through guy after guy and die alone in a trailer full of cats and cat boo only to be found by the post man weeks after she passed.


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## bryanp (Aug 25, 2011)

1. Get tested for STD's.
2. Your wife has been lying to you.
3. Get a lawyer immediately and file for divorce.
4. If you do not do this you will lose everything and will end up in jail for a long time. She is playing you and destroying your life.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

bryanp said:


> 1. Get tested for STD's.
> 2. Your wife has been lying to you.
> 3. Get a lawyer immediately and file for divorce.
> 4. If you do not do this you will lose everything and will end up in jail for a long time. She is playing you and destroying your life.


:iagree:
This women seems to bring out the worst in you!


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

anthony7810 said:


> @chapparal yeah i wonder sometimes if it was all a lie just to get me back home from Korea I dont know i hate to call an actual rape victim a liar but i just have suspicions around the last year about her sanity


Look, even cheaters get raped. Just because she got raped doesn't mean she wasn't also out trolling for men. It just that she lost control of that night and the guy did rape her.

It's still rare and it's a pity the guy didn't go to jail.

But, I'm betting she was cheating before the rape.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

She needs a psychological evaluation.

You need to leave and that's for YOUR Safety. My friend was trying to leave his apartment when he was stabbed. He knocked the knife out of his GF's hand, pushed her out of the way into a wall, ran out of his house and called the cops. He now has the record, he went to jail, he had to take anger management classes and he is labeled as an abuser.

She may really have been raped. You, I, anyone on this board, and your MIL do not know. Still, you can't feel guilty about it and you must protect yourself.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

I wonder if her behavior now is consistent with that of a rape victim? Could she be acting out because of the rape and how she has been treated since it happened.
Her anger is out of control now but is that thevway she has always been?


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## anthony7810 (Mar 17, 2013)

Thanks everyone for your replies and i think everyone's point is valid. just going to try and answer a few questions from post. She has only talked to her doctors and been seen a couple times by a consoler early on after the event. She quit going cause she didnt want to talk about it she didn't feel they understood. It is possible for this kind of behavior in rape victims to act violent towards a spouse or loved one. No everything was fine til sept 2011 thats when everything went to crap and it just snowballed. I have been seeing a consoler on a monthly basis since this happened. No there was no violence before the rape. Currently we are seperrated planing she wants legal sep i want divorce. My view lately has came down to shes a compulsive liar, manipulator, or social path. She has been a victim alot and she puts herslf in the situations then plays out the roles of good guy, predator, and victim in order to manipulate how she wants things to play out. Kinda of a multiple personality if you will.


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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

anthony7810 said:


> My view lately has came down to shes a compulsive liar, manipulator, or social path. She has been a victim alot and she puts herslf in the situations then plays out the roles of good guy, predator, and victim in order to manipulate how she wants things to play out.


Well done.

So be careful of her playing the turn-around good little wife who wants nothing more than reconciliation, setting you up for some ghastly charge. Do not be alone with her. Have a witness when you meet.


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## PreRaphaelite (Dec 15, 2012)

May I just say Anthony7810 that your wife is a very dangerous woman and if you are not careful she could do terrible things to you? 

Being together with this woman is not safe right now. You need to get away from her, she needs to be evaluated and then you need to decide what you are going to do.

Do not try to help her yourself right now. You will end up in serious trouble.

PS I see that you want a divorce. Good for you. I'm afraid it's the sensible thing to do right now if you want to save your yourself from a terrible future.


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

chapparal said:


> I think she's sane. I just thinks she is totally self absorbed. She wantswhat she wants and everyone better stay out of her way.
> She was never violent with you before?
> Has she tried to contact you?


It all depends on what you call "sane".
She's a dangerous, horrible woman none the less.
She wasn't raped. I don't buy it. I don' know why she did file that report, honestly. Maybe because she's nuts. OK, let's accept she got more than shw anted, was raped. She was there so she's not innocent in the marriage boundaires department.
She's obviously manipulative and violent. She already put something in your record. Bad news.

Please run. And think hard hat a "healthy" woman looks like, I hightly doubt she went nuts one fine day, she sure has been displaying unhealthy behaviors in the past.


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## badbane (Jun 9, 2012)

okay assuming this isn't a hoax. You have a possible physcial affair that she either staged a rape or a rape actually did occur. But there is a awful lot of hyper detail which is not that normal. I'd say that if you are stronger than your wife and are military you shouldn't have too difficult an issue to overpower and restrain your wife. You don't need to punch this woman as the police will fry your ass for it regardless of who hit who first. I am not convinced this is a real story or if this is just a story Regardless you need to get your wife committed or evaluated by therapist.


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## CantePe (Oct 5, 2011)

*Re: Re: Rape, domestic violence, and infidelity*



Numbersixxx said:


> It is perfectly ok to hit a woman in self-defense.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Coming from me as a woman... flicking right it is okay to hit a woman to defend yourself as a man.

Too many biotch about true equality but then have the nerve to say men should never hit women no matter what.

Sweets if you are going to come out swinging at a man while screaming equality... better be prepared for true equality to come out swinging right back at you!

Maybe that's just me though...


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## Jonesey (Jul 11, 2011)

CantePe said:


> Coming from me as a woman... flicking right it is okay to hit a woman to defend yourself as a man.
> 
> Too many biotch about true equality but then have the nerve to say men should never hit women no matter what.
> 
> ...


A refreshing view you have


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## CantePe (Oct 5, 2011)

*Re: Re: Rape, domestic violence, and infidelity*



Jonesey said:


> A refreshing view you have


I'm no bra burner but I have always been of the mindset that all people regardless of gender should expect an equal reaction to an action.

Don't want to get hit, don't hit someone. It's really that simple.

Hit a minor though and I will chew them up and spit them out. Only time there should not be a retalitory reaction is young children.


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## badbane (Jun 9, 2012)

Here is my opinion especially between a man and woman. A man can protect himself from a woman. Rarely does defense require offense. Unless you wife is your physical equal simply subduing a woman is not hard. Unless there is a weapon involved. If you are in a hand to hand situation take your wife to the ground or eliminate the threat she poses. Ie getting behind her and wrapping her in a bear hug. If the woman will not calm down then get the hell out of the situation. Don't let things escalate. Get out of the situation. Don't try to prove your Bruce Lee or let pride cloud your judgement. 
Regardless of your opinion proving that a man was a victim is a hell of a lot harder than your wife sending your butt to jail for assault. If you are clueless about fighting then use the bear hug. But actually throwing a punch is dangerous as hell. Even if you were just defending yourself hitting someone who isn't conditioned for fighting could do serious damage. IE bruised kidney, internal injury, or heavy bruising. 

If a woman has a weapon then that's a whole different situation. Where it's appropriate to use any an all means to defend yourself. Your best bet in all of these situations is not to fight but exit stage left and get the law involved. If you have not other option and the you have to face a woman with a weapon. by all means kick, punch, grab, poke, or whatever you have to do to stop the woman from being a threat.


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## Tony55 (Jun 8, 2012)

anthony7810 said:


> She has been a victim alot and she puts herslf in the situations then plays out the roles of good guy, predator, and victim in order to manipulate how she wants things to play out. Kinda of a multiple personality if you will.


Another woman doing a disservice to her sisters by making a mockery of rape and abuse. For every one we discover, there are a 10 more hiding in the shadows playing their game on unsuspecting men.

You need to burn this woman out of your mind. Forget her. She'll kill you or get you put in prison.

I also want her to pay the taxpayers back for the cost of flying you home from Korea.

When you think about it, your wife should be in prison right now (provided everything you told us is true).

T


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## Jonesey (Jul 11, 2011)

CantePe said:


> I'm no bra burner but I have always been of the mindset that all people regardless of gender should expect an equal reaction to an action.
> 
> *Don't want to get hit, don't hit someone. It's really that simple.* Ha ha..learned that one the hard way.At the tender age of 19
> 
> Hit a minor though and I will chew them up and spit them out. Only time there should not be a retalitory reaction is young children.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

I'm sorry about what happened to you. Rape victims can sometimes act out in all kinds of unhealthy and toxic ways. Take a person who already was slightly unstable, toss in a rape, and you could have a very volatile person...itsounds like it was a tryst gone bad. Doesnt mean it wasnt a rape, but she played a huge role in her own victimization and that will really mess up a womans head. Its like being shot during a shoplifting. What she was likely soing was wrong, but the burn she suffered as a result leaves her without suport. My guess is she left counseling because she couldnt deal with her role in her rape. You also have the possibility she is trying to recreate the scene to arrange for an ending she can control.My guess is that she is purposely creating drama. She is playing some sort of game and putting herself in the role of victim. She wants not only to be victimized by you, but she wants to get her just due as the victim, something she didn't get last time. Whats so crazy about this is even when rape victims have this desire, to recreate the scene and control the ending, they generally recognize what they're doing. At least on some level...? 

Keep in mind that rape aside, there are some women who will create situations in which they are the victim because they want the attention and sympathy.

Dont be alone with her at all. Make a legal separation. Never meet her alone in a private place. If you have any hope of saving this marriage, and I must admit that it would be ill advised to stay married to such a person, she will take a very long time to process what causes her to seek out the victim role so strongly, or to refuse any sort of insight into what is gong on with her behavior.

And no matter what, Dont hit back! This is exactly what she wants!


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

Even if what Anon Pink says is true, that she is acting out as a result of rape and is mentally screwed up, that doesn't mean you should sacrifice you life and future for her as she gets the snakes out of her head.

Which, in a way, leaves her doubly victimized: first by the rapist, and second by losing things she used to care about as a result of the resulting messed up mind.

Pity her, but leave her.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Don't assume the man always out classes the woman when hitting is going on, or that he can defend himself.

I've seen large, not huge, but say 5'10" and 189lbs taken down guys without much effort.

A 200lb woman vs a 160 man of the same height... 

I think we all think of a 5'2" small woman vs 6'3" hulk when we talk about such encounters.

Bottom line, no one should ever hit anyone.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Your wife picked a fight with you to get you to hit her so she could put you in jail. All this so she could do whatever she wanted.

You also know that she cried rape under questionable circumstances. No telling if she was just setting that guy up.

You can not trust her. So divorce is your only option (in my opinion).


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

Shaggy said:


> Don't assume the man always out classes the woman when hitting is going on, or that he can defend himself.
> 
> I've seen large, not huge, but say 5'10" and 189lbs taken down guys without much effort.
> 
> ...


Never underestimate the strength of a woman in a rage, lol 

You could bench press twice her weight and be shocked at how strong she is at that particular moment.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

anthony7810 said:


> @chapparal yeah i wonder sometimes if it was all a lie just to get me back home from Korea I dont know i hate to call an actual rape victim a liar but i just have suspicions around the last year about her sanity


Anything is possible, but unless your wife has a history of fabricating victimization stories, the rape was real. Unless of course your wife is particularly really stupid...getting a hospital and police involved would invite scrutiny. The presence of rohypnol does give credence to her story.

You have to find out why the police declined to prosecute. Even if she was already involved with the OM who drugged her, the presence of that drug is almost a defacto "declined consent" and it is a prosecutable offense. So why didn't they prosecute? Is this some hobunk town where science hasn't really caught on yet?

Can you imagine the rage that would produce? If she was somewhat involved with this man, maybe he was grooming her maybe not, to have been drugged and raped and because she had a prior relationship they decline to prosecute? Double rage! 

But what matters to you is how do you protect yourself from further accusations? You stay away from her and only meet with her in the presence of others. If reconciliation is a topic of consideration, you still must insist she get into therapy FIRST. Then after many sessions perhaps MC. IF that's what you want. But until then, she IS a potential threat to you at least in terms of your reputation and general freedom.


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## anthony7810 (Mar 17, 2013)

Again for all the new post i want to say thank you for your opinions. They are all appreciated. Thanks for helping me vent. I'm not to worried about the criminal charge i have a lot of witness for prior events. Plus she has the whole rape case she lied to the police about in her statement. I got a lot of people pulling for me and accounts they witnessed. I am being safe she is in another state then me. She only has the people in her town that have never really seen the last year and what every story she tells them. I've gotten a few harsh remarks over email and it makes me sad that they are buying into her but then again i did for 4 years so.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Did you eve talk to MIL again? 

Who was the guy she slept with after sending you to jail ?


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## Tony55 (Jun 8, 2012)

Anon Pink said:


> The presence of rohypnol does give credence to her story.


He never said there was evidence of Rohypnol, he said: _"She was raped. Rohypnol? She didn't have much memory she said bits and pieces kinda like flash backs. We talked for hours and honestly don't remember anything actually being said after that."_. He used the word as a question, I don't see anywhere that she actually used that word. I do see that she told him she couldn't remember everything, but those are the words of a known liar.

T


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## ruger0304 (Mar 18, 2013)

I'm a female, and buddy I feel for you. now I'm not saying that your wife was not raped, But I'm also not saying she was. Form your side of the story it sounds like she was just out having a good time with out you maybe felt bad after the fact and cried rape. It sounds to me like it's a really company thing these day. 

Sorry but I'm not good at sugar coating things and I am really trying to say everything very nicely.
I believe in being honest know matter how bad that makes me sound. With that said I have cheated and been cheated on. so I do know a little something about it. Not saying that I have a PHD in pyschologie or anything but you get my point. 

As for as your wifes out burst, I can not count the number off guys I know that have gone to jail because his wife went off the deep end. He is trying to protect him self from getting his face puched in so grab's his her arms to stop her from hitting him. I'm sorry to tell you your only falt was not being faster to the phone to call the cops then she was. Not that It really would have prpbable helped you. The DA is going to try and make you out to look like the devil. regardless that you have witnesses to say that they have seen her do this once before. now in my opionion if a woman hits a man she should be ready to get hit back. But that's just me.

Ask yourself a few questions regarding your wife and this alleged rape. 1. has her story changed at all. 2. did she have any other marks on there body. cutes, bruses, bit marks.anything like that. 3. think about what was going on days even weeks before the rape was to have happend. Wright everything down you will be able to put more together that way. Talk to friends, family and if you know the names of any of her ex's contact them to. document everything. 

And do yourself a favior, and take some of the advise you have got from this site. and go get a STD test. write everything down. and man I wish you the best of luck.


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

anthony7810 said:


> Again for all the new post i want to say thank you for your opinions. They are all appreciated. Thanks for helping me vent. I'm not to worried about the criminal charge i have a lot of witness for prior events. Plus she has the whole rape case she lied to the police about in her statement. I got a lot of people pulling for me and accounts they witnessed. I am being safe she is in another state then me. She only has the people in her town that have never really seen the last year and what every story she tells them. I've gotten a few harsh remarks over email and it makes me sad that they are buying into her but *then again i did for 4 years so*.


Whoa up there hoss.

From what you described (and I may need to reread something) but for 4 years, you didn't seem to have an issue. Why _wouldn't_ you believe her for the last four years?

Seems this latest Korean jaunt, someone went off the rails AND she might have been raped.

It doesn't mean you were living a lie for 4 years. It means that the situation has changed.

And it's changed into a very bad one. Luckily for you, she isn't a quadrapalegic you need to care for constantly. Instead, she seems to be functional, but emotionally (and DANGEROUSLY) emotionally damaged.

Love the woman of the past. Pity the woman she's become. Protect yourself from the damage the later can do.


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