# 10 Ways To Know You're Man is a Psychopath



## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

10 Ways to Know Very Quickly If Your Man is a Psychopath | The Stir

Still not sure if the author is being serious or tongue in cheek. If she is trying to define psychopathy, she didn't do a very good job. Hell, no doubt some of my ex's would qualify me as a psycho. Which I'm not ... at least that's what the voices tell me.

The enormous part she missed is that a true psychopath/sociopath/Narcissist is virtually incapable of showing empathy or compassion. Or, that the sweet sugar charade, is something they just can't keep up for very long.

There is a difference between being manipulative and selfish, and a psychopath. Again, the voices tell me so ...

After reading it, couldn't help but wonder if she had just been burned by someone that she was very into.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

I don't think this is a very good explanation of psychopathy. Because they have no capacity for empathy, once they are done with you, they don't care what happens to you.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

I seriously read it, and have no doubt in my mind that several ex-girlfriends could interpret some of those criteria and apply them to the arc of our relationship.

And in my mind, some of those behaviors can apply to almost any faltering relationship.

Great chemistry, great sex, compliments and expressions of affection, and over time one or both partners discover that there are one or more red flags or deal breakers and instead begin to detach and dial back.

Lets face it, who looks more like a psycho, the partner that that tells you they love you and can't live without you one day, and dumps you the next, or the person whose behavior begins to change indicating that there are questions about the relationship overall?

At the very least, it's certainly a good roadmap for the demise of a relationship. Whether or not those events are a direct correlation to being a psychopath, me and the voices have our doubts.


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## Unique Username (Jul 6, 2013)

Actually it is the Sociopath who has no sympathy for others.

This is just a blog, written by someone who clearly hasn't even taken a Freshman level Abnormal Psych class lol.

Some of what she wrote could be used to describe the NPD.
(and certainly many with other Behavior or Personality Disorders)

Anyway - was good for a few laughs.


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## Unique Username (Jul 6, 2013)

I wasn't even referring to your or any other post but the Blogger's

I typed sympathy - in my mind I was actually thinking empathy.

But thanks for schooling me just the same.


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## ocotillo (Oct 17, 2011)

???

I don't know what to make of that either. Ms. Blakeley is not a complete nobody and should have the education to know better, so maybe it is tongue in cheek?

If not, I'm pleased to add "Psychopath" to "Beta" and "Nice Guy" as descriptors of men who think the woman in their life deserves great sex.,,,


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## always_alone (Dec 11, 2012)

10 signs you are dating a psychopath (a reprise):

1. Doesn't have any friends, only acquaintances and enemies.
2. You are also not to have friends, any that you try to keep are constantly disparaged 
3. Explosive temper where you fear for your life, followed by sweet as honey apologies and promises to never do that again 
4. Sex is furious, and often painful
5. Lies, cheats, disappears for days on end, etc, all without remorse or explanation
6. Is always looking out for #1, and brags about ability to do so
7. Thoroughly enjoys getting away with things, making others look foolish, or watching them fall for "tricks"
8. Claims that others deserve to be victims because they are too stupid or too gullible, or whatever.
9. Would sell own mother for a chance to be powerful
10. The corpses are piling up in the basement


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

I think she's mixing up a number of personality disorders together.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

I think that's one of the biggest problem with blogs.
Quite a lot of them are just self centred rants of the author/ bloggers and have very little basis in reality.
I don't pay much attention to them .


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

*Re: Re: 10 Ways To Know You're Man is a Psychopath*



always_alone said:


> 10 signs you are dating a psychopath (a reprise):
> 
> 1. Doesn't have any friends, only acquaintances and enemies.
> 2. You are also not to have friends, any that you try to keep are constantly disparaged
> ...


Your list is way better Always. And something tells me I dont want to know how you know. Its likely to make me very angry.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Seems like most people are getting the sense I did. It would be easy to peg someone with whom you were in a passionate relationship with, and that person then emotionally withdrew and/or fled, as a psycho.

Feeling bitter and abandoned aside, the psychopath moniker doesnt seem right to just throw out there.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Always....LOL, number 10... Dead give away!


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Not all psychopaths are violent or homicidal. Some are very high functioning and maintain friendships. They may even have a very strict code of behavior for themselves and others. They just don't have the ability to feel empathy.


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## always_alone (Dec 11, 2012)

Deejo said:


> Seems like most people are getting the sense I did. It would be easy to peg someone with whom you were in a passionate relationship with, and that person then emotionally withdrew and/or fled, as a psycho.
> 
> Feeling bitter and abandoned aside, the psychopath moniker doesnt seem right to just throw out there.


In all fairness to the author, I wouldn't think her list would easily apply to just any jilting lover. Most of what she describes is very selfish and manipulative. I wouldn't think that anyone in a moderately healthy relationship would be mirroring, for example, or trying to get your pity, or trash talking friends and family.

Seems to me she is describing someone with actual mental health problems, just not necessarily psychopathy.


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## always_alone (Dec 11, 2012)

Deejo said:


> Your list is way better Always. And something tells me I dont want to know how you know. Its likely to make me very angry.


Heh. Don't worry. The only corpses I've had in my house are mice that have been caught by the cat!


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## minebeloved (Nov 7, 2013)

Only number 5 applies to my guy 
Actually if he's ever in pain....he usually doesn't say anything unless it gets really bad. Like he has to go to the hospital for it. Recently he's had to go to the hospital twice for his neck. I usually have to ask 'how is his neck doing'...or a specific body part, because if I just ask the general 'how are you doing?' I just get an 'I'm doing ok', even if he's in a lot of pain. 
I really love my guy. He always looks at the positive  He's so upbeat.
I knew a boarder-line psychopath who was trying to separate me from my husband (at the time hubby was my boyfriend). I say boarder line because he did care about people, but just some of his ideas were prychopathic in nature. Anyway, he (the boarder-line psychopath) told me that we had 'something' and if I didn't dump my boyfriend to find out I would always wonder LOL...STILL. NOT. WONDERING. I stopped all contact with that guy. 
Who God brings together, let NO ONE separate. And NO ONE is going to separate me from my guy, were triple force magnets, even if we are far apart, the love will always remain. I can always count on him to see the optimistic side, even if I'm not being optimistic at the time. He's a breath of fresh air. I love him dearly


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Deejo said:


> After reading it, couldn't help but wonder if she had just been burned by someone that she was very into.


Bingo!

It didn't present as a very sound 'article'... at the bottom, I linked to her book which has the description:


_Not wanting to deceive her any longer, 36-year-old Aaron sat Blakeley down and tearfully admitted he'd been questioning his sexuality for the past two years. Initially amused but eventually shell-shocked, the author shifted into reconnaissance mode, wracking her frenzied brain to recall any signs of Aaron's homosexuality that she may have missed. Blakeley grasped the brunt of her ex's emotional and physical duplicity when she found anonymous personal-ad correspondence and gay-porn videos on his personal computer, a discovery which plunged her into "an eerie twilight world populated by those whom life had kicked in the teeth." An attractive, newly single, 36-year-old woman in Manhattan, Blakeley was prone to crying on the shoulder of her gay friend Tyler and to fits of anger, insecurity and frustration. In attempts to recalibrate herself to single life, she hit the clubs, telling herself to enjoy and not overthink innocent, intermittent dalliances with guys like sensual, soft-voiced Rahil, sexy Pakistani Adi and a few ill-suited men from her profile on Match.com--all while stoking an apprehensive friendship with Aaron ("I love him, and I resent him"). The author was smart to steer clear of emotional ties until she met selfish, 30-something banker James, and all bets (and clothes) were off. Throughout the 320 melodramatic days chronicled in this amiable memoir, Blakeley remains a charming, witty narrator, squandering no opportunity to inject hip, biting sarcasm and hilarious insight into her adventures. *Still, a bittersweet aftertaste lingers, reminding readers of "the crippling awareness that you could never know anyone...[that] the person you know best could be the person you know least."*_


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

bloody 30-something banker, James..!


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

That's all bush league. A good psychopath, you'll never see coming.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Psycho dad and psycho mom - YouTube

Who's that man riding into the sun
Who's that man with the itchy gun
Who's that man who kills for fun?
Psycho dad!!!


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## soulpotato (Jan 22, 2013)

2galsmom said:


> People with NPD and BPD are often classified as sociopaths. Often people classified as psychopaths have no empathy either, both have anti-social personality disorder and most often modern descriptions of each suggest neither has a sense of empathy. I did not use the word sympathy as it is a different but in my experience they have no sympathy for people either.
> 
> Psychopath vs Sociopath - Difference and Comparison | Diffen


Again, people with BPD aren't sociopaths, and they are perfectly capable of empathy and sympathy. BPD also doesn't = antisocial personality disorder.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Don't answer the phone

From "Serial Mom" VERY NSFW


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## soulpotato (Jan 22, 2013)

2galsmom said:


> Soulpotato, some people with BPD are not sociopaths. I understand your frustration with the comment, but there are some sociopaths with BPD. And there are some people with BPD who do not show empathy. Should we say they can show empathy just because they have BPD? That reasoning is just as faulty as the one you are trying to correct with your post.


If you understand, then why do you keep making that statement? LOL.  My issue is with the statements and/or implications that_ most or (all)_ BPDers match what you have unfortunately experienced and are sociopaths. It is very misleading. It is more like the other way around - some people with BPD may be sociopaths/have ASPD, not some people with BPD may not be sociopaths/have ASPD. 

From what I've heard from my various therapists and read in many books and other reliable sources is that BPDers generally have plenty of empathy, sometimes too much. Can they lose sight of that when sucked into their own emotional vortex? Sure. But that's not a constant state, and by no means a lack. Are there BPDers with comorbid conditions other than ASPD that can translate to a lack of empathy? Yes, it's possible. NPD, for one.

Had an interesting discussion on this somewhere else on the forum. When you have more than one PD present, it often seems that one or the other has to be the "dominant" and that the other is secondary. 

Anyway, I get that some of the traits can sound similar, but BPD _is_ different from ASPD/being a sociopath. Not interchangeable.



2galsmom said:


> Some people with BPD have multiple diagnoses and are quite complex, this is backed by multiple studies.


I'm not arguing comorbidity in the least. It's pretty common for there to be comorbid conditions with BPD. 



2galsmom said:


> Just because someone with BPD is seeking treatment and showing empathy does not mean everyone with that diagnosis does. Just as you would most likely argue that just because some people with BPD are not capable of empathy that does not mean they all are incapable of showing empathy - interestingly enough this category of PD is not black and white but very grey.


You're right, there are a zillion (not quite) trait combos, and then there's the fact that every person is an individual. So you can get quite some variance going on there. Yes, it's ironic that there is so much grey with a disorder that has black-and-white thinking as one of its characteristic traits.  



2galsmom said:


> I hope that you and any acquaintances you have with BPD have a peaceful and loving life.


Thank you. Surely working on it. I hope you do as well.



2galsmom said:


> I hope you do not feel the burden to correct the world view of BPD, that is a formidable task and would entail re formulating the opinions of people who have been traumatized by this disorder and the other issues that may accompany it who have led different lives than your own.


Alas, I do - at least in my immediate vicinity. Because there is so much stigmatization and misinformation, and it is very harmful. I appreciate that a lot of people have been hurt by BPDers. I do. Those of us with BPD have been hurt as well by misinformation and general ignorance (including the ignorance of professionals who still go by outdated and inaccurate information about BPD). It doesn't help to be discriminated against, feared, and even hated for the sole reason of having that diagnosis. I certainly don't feel the warm fuzzies when people say those with BPD (me and people like me) are sociopaths without any empathy. Ouch! We're human beings, you know? A lot of us are very caring people, too. I'm really sorry that the person you knew was so horrible.



2galsmom said:


> My frustration comes from people who suggest I do not understand it and somehow mismanaged the person who presented with multiple issues due to my ignorance or lack of understanding of BPD, it is something I cannot "fix" and change is up to the person with the PD.


Well, if people think you don't understand BPD, it may be simply because some of the statements that you make are sometimes quite inaccurate for a substantial portion of those with BPD. 

It was not your responsibility to manage that person. Of course the "fixing" is up to the person with the disorder. It's impossible to change other people, they have to change themselves. We can only control and take responsibility for ourselves. 



2galsmom said:


> At the end of the day, people are not diagnoses.


Quite true, they are people.  I would love it if people would remember that more often. Being treated like a diagnosis is quite dehumanizing.


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## SaltInWound (Jan 2, 2013)

Anon Pink said:


> I don't think this is a very good explanation of psychopathy. Because they have no capacity for empathy, once they are done with you, they don't care what happens to you.


That is my stbxh. Threw me out like garbage and went dark. I lost everything. Told our son he had been replaced and went dark on him too.


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