# Narcissistic men, and not liking women?



## CallaLily (Jan 13, 2011)

So my friend and I were talking last night, and she was confiding in me some things about her husband and how he has treated her and how he has acted over the years. 

She told me she really felt he had a lot of narcissistic tendencies, and how things have always been about him. His needs or even strangers were put above her or her families etc. She was recently diagnosed with Fibromyalgia, and when she told him of her diagnoses, he acted like how it may inconvenience him and there wasn't a lot of sympathy, etc. 

She also told me how she thought he didn't really care for women much. I don't mean in a homosexual way, I mean almost like he comes across as a misogynist, especially towards her and she has been nothing but good to him. He treats men a little better than women although he puts on this fake air that all is well in his world and treats some women, friends, family etc a little better than her. But she still feels he has a issue with women in general. 

She told me how he cheated years ago, and had no real reason why, but he did act like he was entitled to the affair. She asked me how was it he could really not like women much but yet have sex with them. I told her I read an article the other day about this kind of thing, and that some narcissistic people try to get their "narcissistic supply" from others, as in begin praised, and made over etc, and it doesn't mean they like the women, it just means these women fill that narcissistic void they have. 

So my question is, do you believe most narcissistic men don't really like women? 

And yes, this could also apply to narcissistic women as well, or narcissistic people in general, but I worded men because I'm referring to my friends husband in this post.


----------



## IrishGirlVA (Aug 27, 2012)

I believe that narcissistic people don't like others in general. Man or woman. If it is a man and he feels entitled to an affair, he will use a woman to do it. He doesn't have to like that person. And if it was the same man who felt entitled to that promotion over "Joe", he would throw Joe under the bus without hesitation. As you elluded to --- narcissistic people will use anyone, regardless of gender, to get what they want when they want it. And they won't care how it affects the other person.

I feel very sorry for your friend.


----------



## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

Narcissists view other people, male or female, as tools to be used. Other people aren't _people_, in any real sense, they are a means to an end. 

So no, male narcissists don't like women. But they also don't like other men. They like narcissistic supply. If a man or a woman can give them that supply, then that man or woman is useful. When their usefulness ends, they're discarded. Liking or disliking has nothing to do with it.


----------



## CallaLily (Jan 13, 2011)

Thanks for the reply! Well, I feel bad for her too, she was actually thinking of leaving him. They were separated years ago for the affair but then got back together. 

I think right now, with her diagnoses she feels she needs someone to maybe help take care of things when she has not so good days. I told her she didn't need him for that, and she had family and friends who could help her if needed, and to not remain in this situation if she didn't have too. The thing about him is, he can be moody and will help her and be kind to her when all is well in his world, but when things are not good for him or he is feeling a certain way, then he can change and be like, the hell with it, and not help her. 

But I agree, ALL people who are narcissistic are about themselves, man or woman.


----------



## IrishGirlVA (Aug 27, 2012)

Honestly, your friend would be better off not needing his "help" on the days she needs it. Because not only would she have to deal with the physical pain on those days she'll also know she'll have to deal with the mental and/or emotional pain she'll feel by having a husband that makes her feel like a burden. I hope in time your friend will realize she is better off without this POS. 

I wish her more good days than bad.


----------



## Jamison (Feb 10, 2011)

Narcissists, usually don't like men or women, they like themselves. They are users and will use whoever, men or women to help fill that hole. Once that person(s) is no longer of any use, they throw them away like a dirty diaper. Its sad really, and IMO these are learned behaviors from poor role models. 

My suggestion for your friend is, if shes not going to leave, which sounds like she might, she needs to get some info on how to deal with narcissistic people. They can be very difficult people to live with.


----------



## Urban (Mar 29, 2013)

I am with a man who is the same way. I've read a lot about narcissism, and felt like it described some of my husband's issues, but felt that in many ways it was unhelpful. Mainly, because by putting some psychiatric label on it, it seemed like almost giving him an excuse in my mind. Oh, well, he's mentally ill...poor him.

And then my mom recently gave me this book called "Why does he do that? Inside the minds of angry and controlling men" It's written by a man who counseled abusive men for a decade and a half, and he blows the lid off of a lot of myths and stereotypes about what is going on in the minds and lives of these people.

I tell you I have been living in utter confusion in my marriage for so long, and this book is alarming it so accurately describes my husband and our dynamic. Most of the time I don't know what is going on because he behaves so irratically and says and does things that I just can't believe anyone would say or do, least of all to someone they supposedly love. But this book has spelled out the thought process and rationale of abuse, and it makes perfect sense. 

Maybe your friends can find some answers there?


----------



## Urban (Mar 29, 2013)

Ooops, maybe your *friend can find some answers there...


----------



## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

I agree.Narccisstic people view all other people as objects in their world in which they are the only person in it. To use to feed their delusions of grandeur that they are basically some sort of God.If you cant do that for them they don't need you.They need you to mirror back this delusion they have of themselves to avoid what they really believe deep inside the secret that they are horrible ugly people unworthy of love who should be abandoned.They need people to tell them how great they are.They also need to deflate others making sure they knock them down elevating again to elevate themselves.Even their children are to be a reflection of how great and wonderful they are.


----------



## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

IrishGirlVA said:


> Honestly, your friend would be better off not needing his "help" on the days she needs it. Because not only would she have to deal with the physical pain on those days she'll also know she'll have to deal with the mental and/or emotional pain she'll feel by having a husband that makes her feel like a burden. I hope in time your friend will realize she is better off without this POS.
> 
> I wish her more good days than bad.


This was my thought as well. He isnt going to help her. She is better off without him, because all he is going to do is stress her out with his selfishness, and that will probably make her physical symptoms worse.


----------



## Sanity (Mar 7, 2011)

Jamison said:


> Narcissists, usually don't like men or women, they like themselves. They are users and will use whoever, men or women to help fill that hole. Once that person(s) is no longer of any use, they throw them away like a dirty diaper. Its sad really, and IMO these are learned behaviors from poor role models.
> 
> My suggestion for your friend is, if shes not going to leave, which sounds like she might, she needs to get some info on how to deal with narcissistic people. They can be very difficult people to live with.


Actually this is not entirely accurate. You would be surprised how much they do not like themselves. The narcissist is predominately preoccupied in matters of themselves while nobody else matters. Non-narcissists can easily confuse this due to the inherent selfish behaviors but if you study BPD and NPD you will soon find these people are full of internal hatred of themselves and their weak self image. 

Uptown is our resident expert on this and hopefully he will chime in.

Personally after dealing with an NPD for years I don't know what man can't become a woman hater at least temporarily or after therapy and healing. I remember starting to label all women as crazy but I soon realized that was wrong and I PICKED wrong.


----------



## Jamison (Feb 10, 2011)

Sanity said:


> Actually this is not entirely accurate. You would be surprised how much they do not like themselves. The narcissist is predominately preoccupied in matters of themselves while nobody else matters. Non-narcissists can easily confuse this due to the inherent selfish behaviors but if you study BPD and NPD you will soon find these people are full of internal hatred of themselves and their weak self image.
> 
> Uptown is our resident expert on this and hopefully he will chime in.
> 
> Personally after dealing with an NPD for years I don't know what man can't become a woman hater at least temporarily or after therapy and healing. I remember starting to label all women as crazy but I soon realized that was wrong and I PICKED wrong.



Then perhaps I should say, they "pretend" to like themselves. And thats why they come across/act the way they do.


----------



## AgentD (Dec 27, 2010)

For some reason this thread made me think of my husband.  He can be like this at times. It made me think of something he said once in regards to us seeking out counseling.

Me: "I think I'm gonna see if we can get into some MC.I will call as soon as I see who might be covered under our insurance."

Him: "Well, if its a male counselor, they will probably just side with you, because they will probably like you. If its a woman counselor, she will probably side with you because shes probably a man hater!" 

Me: Ummm ok? :scratchhead:

Now I do not know if thats really a narcissistic statement or not, but for some reason reading this thread made me think of that. Anyway, my husband can be the same way. There is very little if not any empathy either. One thing I never could wrap my head around was, the one person (myself) who has been there for him and good to him, he treated like dirt at times, but the ones (family) who wasn't there for him, wronged him etc, he always treated better than me. And anytime I had ever been hurt (emotionally) by another, he acted as If I deserved it.  He acts like as long as someone else is hurting and he is not then all is well with him. 

To the OP, I hope your friend is able to get out of this situation.


----------



## Sanity (Mar 7, 2011)

Jamison said:


> Then perhaps I should say, they "pretend" to like themselves. And thats why they come across/act the way they do.


Unfortunately yes and IMHO the amount of time that it would take to reform a full blown NPD is just not worth it in the long run. Every therapist and article I read seem to indicate the best course of action is to leave and let them deal with their own demons.


----------



## tripad (Apr 18, 2014)

CallaLily said:


> Thanks for the reply! Well, I feel bad for her too, she was actually thinking of leaving him. They were separated years ago for the affair but then got back together.
> 
> I think right now, with her diagnoses she feels she needs someone to maybe help take care of things when she has not so good days. I told her she didn't need him for that, and she had family and friends who could help her if needed, and to not remain in this situation if she didn't have too. The thing about him is, he can be moody and will help her and be kind to her when all is well in his world, but when things are not good for him or he is feeling a certain way, then he can change and be like, the hell with it, and not help her.
> 
> ...



Let me tell you .

Im my experience those days he helped her at all , the reason is simply someone is watching n he needs to show to the outside world he is a "good man " . 

When no one is watching , he can let her just die . 

Or he is doing just enough so your gf wont divorce him . Is your gf supporting him financially in any way ? 

That's my ex


----------



## Heatherknows (Aug 21, 2015)

CallaLily said:


> So my friend and I were talking last night, and she was confiding in me some things about her husband and how he has treated her and how he has acted over the years.
> 
> She told me she really felt he had a lot of narcissistic tendencies, and how things have always been about him. His needs or even strangers were put above her or her families etc. She was recently diagnosed with Fibromyalgia, and when she told him of her diagnoses, he acted like how it may inconvenience him and there wasn't a lot of sympathy, etc.
> 
> ...


I believe narcissistic men hate women. Maybe not all women but most.


----------



## tripad (Apr 18, 2014)

AgentD said:


> For some reason this thread made me think of my husband.
> 
> 
> 
> ...



Sigh

My ex said the same about the counsellors .

N more since we had 3 counsellors .

He wanted a fourth in his mission as i say to find one good one who will finally agree with him !


----------



## Heatherknows (Aug 21, 2015)

IrishGirlVA said:


> I believe that narcissistic people don't like others in general. Man or woman. If it is a man and he feels entitled to an affair, he will use a woman to do it. He doesn't have to like that person. And if it was the same man who felt entitled to that promotion over "Joe", he would throw Joe under the bus without hesitation. As you elluded to --- narcissistic people will use anyone, regardless of gender, to get what they want when they want it. And they won't care how it affects the other person.
> 
> I feel very sorry for your friend.


You summed up the Narcissist perfectly!


----------



## Heatherknows (Aug 21, 2015)

Rowan said:


> Narcissists view other people, male or female, as tools to be used. Other people aren't _people_, in any real sense, they are a means to an end.
> 
> So no, male narcissists don't like women. But they also don't like other men. They like narcissistic supply. If a man or a woman can give them that supply, then that man or woman is useful. When their usefulness ends, they're discarded. Liking or disliking has nothing to do with it.


I do believe that narcissistic men tend to have more respect for other men than women. I met one man who I believe is a closeted homosexual narcissist and he claims to put women on a pedestal. You should see his wife...she looks like she's been threw the war and back. God help her.


----------

