# Losing my son



## TheMizz...erable

Wife left 12 days ago. Took son. She wants to move 12 hours away to be with her family and son says he'd like to go. If he goes with her, I won't hardly ever get to see him. It was bad enough that wife left but losing my son too is not something I am coping with very well.


----------



## turnera

You have legal control over whether she moves that far away with your son. Use it.


----------



## TheMizz...erable

I could file for custody but he prefers to be with mom. My lawyer said that I cannot keep her from moving with our son. She does have to give me a certain amount of notice though.

So if my own lawyer says that, what can I do?


----------



## turnera

How old is he?


----------



## TheMizz...erable

12, soon to be 13.


----------



## turnera

That's what I meant. If you don't have a legal separation, she can do whatever she wants. If you want him back in your life, you can either move to where they are and continue as you are (and hope she doesn't move again), or else pay to get a legal separation/divorce going, in which case you DO have rights. 

Your choice.


----------



## uhaul4mybaggage

Don't roll over on this. Been there, done that. Would give anything for a do-over. Find 3 close friends/relatives who are divorced and came out on top. Rally them around you for advice, esp on where to find a better lawyer. You can do this. But you want to make sure you do it right, because mediation is binding and so is court, so get as many of your facts straight and verified beforehand as you can. There are dad custody support groups online too for dads rights. Search them. Good luck. He might like her better (mine likes his dad better,) but that doesn't mean he doesn't need you both.


----------



## TheMizz...erable

Wife texted me yesterday that she has retained an attorney. I called mine but by that point he was out for the day.

Wife and I made an agreement that after her weekend I would get to see son on Monday and Wednesday. After my weekend I get to see him on Wednesday. Even though legally at this point I have as much right to him as she does. She texted me yesterday that the typical visitation is every other weekend and Wednesday so she will not let me see him on Monday now. 

She has no legal right to do this. I told her so and she said that I could wait until the court decides if I prefer and to not push my luck. I hope my lawyer can do something with this info along with other times of her limiting my time. I haven't even had full weekends yet. 6:00 pm friday to 12:00 sunday and 6:00 pm friday to 2:00 sunday.

And she says stuff like "I have to force him to go to see you as it is". When he's here, things are fine. It's when he's there that there seems to be problems like him barely talking to me on the phone. 

She also said he hates going to my dad's house. Yes he's mentioned twice in the last week that he wants to spend the night over there. 

I just hope that I don't get screwed over in court.


----------



## FirstYearDown

She might be poisoning your son's mind, which would explain why he hardly wants to speak to you or see you.

Hate to break it to you, but fathers usually get shafted when it comes to custody, unless the mother is unfit.


----------



## TheMizz...erable

She may be. I know that at times when I had to get onto him about something, while she was standing there, she would be visibly upset as if I were punishing her. And he sees this. I always felt if we disagreed about something, talk about it in private. She would disagree in front of son or let it be known she was not happy via her actions.

I know I have an uphill fight but what else can I do?


----------



## FirstYearDown

Get. A. Lawyer. NOW!


----------



## TheMizz...erable

I called and left a msg with lawyer on friday.


----------



## FirstYearDown

Research other lawyers and leave messages with the best ones you can afford.


----------



## TheMizz...erable

I am confident with this one. I've talked to him before and he's represented my dad and my wife when we were having trouble with her son years ago.


----------



## FirstYearDown

Sounds like you are on the right track. I hope everything works out.


----------



## GodIsWorking

If you have not done so yet, begin now to keep a diary of everything that goes on. What she says, texts she sends, times she deny's you access, even how you are feeling, this will help you cope, but also help you down the line in your fight.

What ever you child says, he needs you, and the minute you stop fighting is the minute whatever vibe or actual poisoning he is getting will start to ring true. 

I am a child of 3 divorces and in everyone I lost a Dad, the first one never stopped fighting to see/speak/ be with me and it means the world to me.


----------



## TheMizz...erable

I sat down last night and copied texts and other things that has happened showing how she is limiting my time. I talked to my lawyer today but cannot see him until later this week. I will fight for my son and hope that he understands one day why I didn't just let him go have "fun".


----------



## GodIsWorking

Parenting is hard, but well worth the battle.

Son's can be hard on their dads, and daughters on their mothers, but when you love them and do it all for them, they will come around.

Best advise I can give you: Never, and I mean never put her down to him, not that you would, but it was the worst mistake my mother ever made and the best thing my father did.


----------



## TheMizz...erable

Got my son tonight. Now last week wife changed her mind after we AGREED to me seeing him on the monday after her weekend for 2 1/2 hours. Plus 2 1/2 on Wednesday. She said the typical is every other weekend and Wednesday for 3 or 4 hours. 

So I picked him up at 5. Got a text and a phone call about 8 asking me where he is. She said he should have been home at 7:30. I said you didn't want to do that. You said Wednesday for 3 or 4 hours so I am doing what you wanted. She said but it's a school night. He needs to be home by 8:30. I said he is home. I'll have him back at your daughters' at 9:00.

WTH? She wouldn't let me see him monday and then she complains when I do what she said was typical visitation, in which she said that's what she'll go with(like it is completely up to her alone).

Anyway when I picked up son I could tell something was bothering him again. He said something about him and mom going to the other state and it's his choice and mom's lawyer said the judge will listen to what he wants.

I asked him who he'll blame if he doesn't go to the other state and he looked at and nodded at me.

I said son, nobody is going anywhere right now so lets drop it and enjoy our time together. He did and we had a nice evening. And I had him at step daughter's house by 9. 

Anyway when I talked to wife she told me again about him not wanting to come over so much. Then she said her lawyer told her the typical weekend was saturday to sunday. I thought it was Friday to sunday. She seems to be taking advice from people to get all she can and that it's cut and dried that she'll get son and take him out of state too.

I will see my lawyer this week. I will do what I can to keep son from being taken completely away from me. And I hope he understand one day why I am doing this.


----------



## brokenbythis

what a witch.


----------



## TheMizz...erable

I still love my wife. I think she is getting some very bad advice.


----------



## TheMizz...erable

I met my lawyer today. I filed for divorce even though I did not want to. But she still had not filed up until just before my appointment. 

I filed so I could get more time with my son. I filed for joint physical and joint legal custody. I know that our son needs both of us in his life so I didn't file for sole custody. She is not honoring the fact that until a court decides otherwise that we have joint physical/legal custody by natural law.

I cannot let her dictate when I can or cannot have my son.


----------



## turnera

Is your lawyer going to get you a temporary custody agreement so you can see him in a legally protected schedule?


----------



## TheMizz...erable

Yes that is what we are doing.


----------



## TheMizz...erable

Wife has filed. She is wanting full physical and legal custody and take him out of state.

My parenting plan is much more reasonable and surely the judge will see this. I am wanting what it has always been, 50/50.

The using of my son as a pawn in her game continues. I had him this evening. He tells me mom isn't coming back. He says mom doesn't want this to drag out and is afraid that it'll cost a lot of money. Wife talked to son's friend's grandpa because son's friend's dad went thru a divorce and his wife dragged her feet, wouldn't show up, etc and it wound up costing $20,000.

And he starts in about moving with mom to the other state, 12 hours away. He said he doesn't want us to get back together so he can go to the other state.

He says he hates it here and he hates his life here. I'm thinking BS. Those thoughts did not exist BEFORE wife started talking to him about moving.

Wife should be ashamed for 1) taking son out of home. 2) Putting her wants above what is best for son. 3) talking to him about moving away before it is a given that he is leaving at all. The marriage should be officially over before that talk ever occured. 4) Talking about details of divorce to son. 

Son told me that I have been only taking him out so that he might decide to stay with me. He told me that mom raised him and he wants to stay with her. Verbally kicking me in the balls with this stuff. Things I didn't do right. That his mom has brought up before.

As far as mom raising him...I told him that mom and dad worked together but had different roles. Mom spent more time with him. Dad worked all he could to pay for things so that mom could stay home more. Mom was off all summer making $69 a week unemployment while dad worked all the OT he could. And I did it gladly. But it should not be something that is used against me now. Hell I would have traded with mom if she could have worked the hours aI did and keep things paid. I would have loved to have stayed home with son, taking care of him.


----------



## maxter

Hang in there Mizz. I'm praying for you. I'm about to go through this court thing myself Oct 21. I filed for Primary physical and equal legal custody to start. All I want is to comprimise for 50/50 physical so I too can continue in my girls lives in the same way I have for the past 9 years. God, this custody stuff just rips at your heart.


----------



## dblkman

Am glad you filed first! There are advantages to the person who files first. States are much more open minded about joint custody then what they used to be. When it comes to custody issues, it is no longer automatically a woman's right to have full custody.


----------



## TheMizz...erable

Actually her lawyer filed the divorce and parenting plan first. But my lawyer is filing the temporay custody order. There is no valid ground for her to be legally awarded full physical and legal custody.


----------



## turnera

It seems pretty unusual for a judge to allow a parent to move out of state. I hope.

How old is he?


----------



## TheMizz...erable

He will be 13 in October.


----------



## turnera

Ah. I thought he was younger. Well, you may be in trouble then, because a judge WILL listen to him if he says he wants to be with his mom. If I were you, I'd try to talk to him as much as possible before the hearing, and ask him exactly why he feels that way; listen to him; let him know you care about how he feels and you want to understand what's important to him. If he says he wants this or that, talk about how he can HAVE this or that, still living where you are. Kids don't always have the ability to see things abstractly, and need your help to envision possibilities. Help him see things that you two could be doing together, like rebuilding a car or learning to hunt or whatever.


----------



## TheMizz...erable

You asked me on page 1 about his age. 

Of course the judge will consider what son says. What I am saying is that mom has been trying to alienate him from me. She WANTS to leave state so she has had to convince him of how much fun it will be. He'll have more of her side of the family there. He'll get to go to the beach every day after school. She will not go to the other state without son so that is why she and her family have convinced him of how great it will be.

It should never have been brought up before things between wife and I are final, if even then. He does not benefit by being taken away from dad.

She should not be telling him details of divorce and getting him stressed out because dad might not agree to it.

When I get him he is always upset about it. After I talk him down, we are fine. I know I may lose him but I am not going to just give up because she wants me to and is playing dirty.


----------



## TheMizz...erable

Had son tonight. He starts talking about mom wanting to do things but running out of money. He then said "It would be nice if you gave us child support money". Then goes on to tell me that such and such amount won't cut it. 

Why in the hell is she telling him the details of everything? Aren't kids supposed to be left of this stuff? And then I feel like I have to defend myself.


----------



## turnera

Did you tell him that it was her choice to leave?


----------



## TheMizz...erable

He knows it was her that left. I didn't say it tonight though. Should have.


----------



## turnera

Prepare a stock answer. Tell him "Son, you are the most important thing in my life. If it were up to me, you'd be living with me and I'd be making sure you have an amazing life. You're welcome to come live here with me. You are BOTH welcome to come back home. But if you're going to choose to live with your mother, without me, there's only so much I can do to make your life better. I didn't want you to leave.'


----------



## uhaul4mybaggage

I am so sorry, Mizz. I am right there with you. My stbx is pulling the same stuff, has been for a long time. It's sickening. 

Tunera is right, as usual. My counselor keeps reminding me that I can only do what I can do, and if I'm going to let my son or former h guilt and manipulate me, when this situation wasn't my choice or doing to start with, I am just going to continue to be miserable. I do the best I can with what I have (which is a lot less than what he has, and I pay him the child support,) but I am a good mom and that's the best I can do. I can't do Disney. But I have been camping with them 30 times for scouts, and taught them to fish, and made them clean the toothpaste off the mirror. I make pancakes, not Poptarts. Everyone tells me one day they will look back and see/know that I loved them. I can only hope they are right. Dad sure does his best to thwart it. 

I'm sending one up for both of us tonight. Hang in. And good for you for keeping the high road, even though you can't control her.


----------



## turnera

Yes, your son will know the truth of it. Some day. Maybe not now. Maybe not for another 10 years, if she manipulates him enough.

But if you continue to take the high road and show your son what a real man acts like, attend to his needs, teach him right and wrong, expect a lot from him (kids need to have something to aspire to), and show him unconditional love...he'll figure it out.


----------



## TheMizz...erable

Had him this weekend. Things went well. He wanted kung pow chicken, a dish that my wife makes. Well I bought stuff for it and he was so stressed and worried because I wasn't doing it just like mom does it. Stressful for both of us. Anyway, when the dust settled and he got to eat it, he LOVED it.  Chalk one up for daddy!

Also took him fishing today and he caught some fish.  Made my day.


----------



## turnera

I LOVE this! You're doing great.

Remember that things may not go exactly like you want, but your long-term relationship is what matters. And you're doing great there.


----------



## TheMizz...erable

Thank you. I did see a couple of text msgs to mom where he was complaining about how I was doing things. She accepts this like it's okay for him to complain aboout me. She doesn't tell him to stop. 

I'm just glad it turned out okay. I'd hate to see what would be said if it was a disaster. But at least this shows him that it does not have to be exactly like mom does it for it to be good.


----------



## TheMizz...erable

Court date was pushed back a few days. 

Anyway about a month or so ago wife or daughter told son they would take him to Six Flags for his birthday. Well now they can't go. Who's the bad guy? Dad because I am not paying ENOUGH child support. Even though I offered before and she said she would get back to me. She got back to me after a month after the last time I offered child support. 

It's like they built up Six Flags to him just so they could blame me for not going.


----------



## turnera

All you can do is show him the truth. Offer to show him your bank account. Don't hide anything. And then ASK him to think about it. Son, do you really think I wouldn't give you anything I have if I had more money? Logic goes a long way.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

This kid needs a guardian ad litem.
He also needs some counseling so he can learn when he can tell his mom that he is not interested in getting involved with her problems both relationship and financial. He is a kid and he should learn how to advocate to retain what is left of his childhood. His mom is yanking him around, this kid should not be worried about mom's feelings, he should be doing things like going to youth group and learning how to relate to his peers, with his parents' support. This is just all wrong. And yes, I see the mom to blame for her obvious conversations with a kid that cross so many boundaries that they make me want to vomit. She needs to grow up and balance her own books to support the choices that she is making as an adult. But since she is unlikely to I would insist that child gets counseling, even if she gets primary custody, he will need it from the sounds of it. Ugh. Mom is an emotional leech.


----------



## TheMizz...erable

turnera said:


> All you can do is show him the truth. Offer to show him your bank account. Don't hide anything. And then ASK him to think about it. Son, do you really think I wouldn't give you anything I have if I had more money? Logic goes a long way.


I see what you're saying but I think that is going too far. Then I would be involving him more than I should by showing him my bank account. I do try to get him to think about the stuff he is saying/hearing. I try not to do what she is doing but when it gets brought up I involve him to a degree because I feel the need to have to defend myself. I try to hold back as much as I can though.


----------



## TheMizz...erable

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> This kid needs a guardian ad litem.
> He also needs some counseling so he can learn when he can tell his mom that he is not interested in getting involved with her problems both relationship and financial. He is a kid and he should learn how to advocate to retain what is left of his childhood. His mom is yanking him around, this kid should not be worried about mom's feelings, he should be doing things like going to youth group and learning how to relate to his peers, with his parents' support. This is just all wrong. And yes, I see the mom to blame for her obvious conversations with a kid that cross so many boundaries that they make me want to vomit. She needs to grow up and balance her own books to support the choices that she is making as an adult. But since she is unlikely to I would insist that child gets counseling, even if she gets primary custody, he will need it from the sounds of it. Ugh. Mom is an emotional leech.


I have brought up the counseling issue with my lawyer. Perhaps that will be brought up at the custody hearing. I do know, from the research that I've done, that the parents are NOT supposed to involve the kids in the details of the divorce. She should know this too so the alienation is blatant. The only thing our son needs to know is that mom and dad still love him.


----------



## TheMizz...erable

Wife made an offer thru her lawyer...1 day a week and every other weekend. That's basicly what I have now and it was like pullling teeth to get this much. So no deal. Going to court today. Maybe she'll offer something a lot better. If not, the judge will decide.


----------



## maxter

TheMizz...erable said:


> Wife made an offer thru her lawyer...1 day a week and every other weekend. That's basicly what I have now and it was like pullling teeth to get this much. So no deal. Going to court today. Maybe she'll offer something a lot better. If not, the judge will decide.


I feel for you man. Go get em! Good luck in court. I hope you prevail or at least get better terms than what was offered. Keep us informed.

I'm going to court myself next Tuesday. STBXW offered me the same verbally at first. When we couldn't reach agreement (I want 50/50), I filed for full custody which set her on the warpath. She's adamant about giving me as little as possible. I think I have a decent chance at 50/50, but my gut is really ripped apart leading up to the judge's conference. I don't want to put my kids through interviews and a hearing. But STBXW has mindset that mom's get the kids so we cannot come to any kind of agreement.


----------



## turnera

Both of you need to thoroughly document how well you parent - all the work you do, all the together time, all the extracurricular stuff you do, decisions you make...document everything.


----------



## TheMizz...erable

maxter said:


> I feel for you man. Go get em! Good luck in court. I hope you prevail or at least get better terms than what was offered. Keep us informed.
> 
> I'm going to court myself next Tuesday. STBXW offered me the same verbally at first. When we couldn't reach agreement (I want 50/50), I filed for full custody which set her on the warpath. She's adamant about giving me as little as possible. I think I have a decent chance at 50/50, but my gut is really ripped apart leading up to the judge's conference. I don't want to put my kids through interviews and a hearing. But STBXW has mindset that mom's get the kids so we cannot come to any kind of agreement.


Thanks. Good luck to you as well.

My wife has been pretty stingy with son. At one point she told me that weekends were 1 day. Saturday evening to Sunday evening. When I let her know that I knew what weekends were considered she "let me have" two day weekends with him.  I think she thought this was going to be easy and that I wouldn't fight it or be able to afford a lawyer.

I am nervous. I may lose. If I win, then it will be hard to 1) make it work but I will do what it takes and 2) trying to undo damage that I believe has been caused by my wife and her family as far as "brainwashing/alienation". It may take years. He may not understand why dad just didn't let him go have "fun" until after he becomes an adult. But I am certain he will understand eventually.


----------



## TheMizz...erable

Just got back from court. Was there for over two hours. Spent only 5 or so minutes in the courtroom.

We made a deal. I didn't get him as much as I wanted but I got him more than wife wanted to give. 

I was getting him for 2 overnights every two weeks. Now I will get him for 5 overnights every two weeks. At least until we go back to court for the divorce.


----------



## turnera

Good for you.


----------



## maxter

Glad to hear you reached an agreement. And were able to get more than your W offered. Enjoy those overnights to the fullest possible. You son will one day learn the importance of what you have done by fighting for him and appreciate it.


----------



## TheMizz...erable

Thanks guys. Also found out afterward that my joint physical and legal custody was reafirmed. 

Like I said this was temporary. But the judge himself suggested this arrangement to our lawyers so I don't see him changing things when we go back to court.


----------



## turnera

He might, if you can document why it would be beneficial.


----------



## Laurae1967

You have to get a lawyer who specializes in family law NOW. Your son is only 12 and won't be allowed to make a decision about where he wants to live, especially when he's under her manipulative control.

Fight hard!! You still have 6 years left with him and he will need you more than ever. Get tough. Your son needs you to do this for him.


----------



## Laurae1967

Sorry, just read the rest of your post.

Read up on parental alienation. This is what your wife is doing. She sounds like a narcissist. 

Just remember that YOU have a right to be in your son's life.

Also remember that you are still fighting for your son. Document all the good things you are doing with him. Document all the crappy things she may say to him about you. Don't let your guard down until you custody is finalized.


----------



## LeahKoenig

That every other weekend routine is pretty "old school" with parenting plans. There is a lot of movement towards more equal time between parents especially when the child is heading towards the tween/teens years. I see much more the plan of one week with mom and then one week with dad. The "every other weekend" routine is usually reserved for very young children or a parent that has had some neglect with their child and is working towards proving fit parenting.

Split Loyalty is very common when parents seperate. Your son doesn't want to leave mom knowing that it hurts her to be with you. He may feel unkind showing any sense of excitement about his visits with you. AND he may very much want to see you and want to enjoy time with you; he is split. He would be resistant to leave mom, not because he dislikes you as mom may choose to believe, but because she has not made it okay for him to enjoy time with dad. Even when he is with you he may suddenly stop himself from enjoying a fun time thinking he is being disloyal to his mother.

Speak directly to your son about the possiblity of this split loyalty. Be compassionate about how he may be feeling. Let him know you are happy he enjoys time with his mom and that you trust that she creates a safe and enjoyable life for him AND that you miss him and enjoy your time with him very much. At least on your side you are making it okay for him to enjoy both of his parents. It will take a little of the pressure off of him.

Happy to hear you are talking to your lawyer and will work towards a parenting plan. It will be great for your son to know what to expect and get a regular pattern of visits established. In most cases it is very important to have this clarified through the legal system.
~Leah~


----------



## TheMizz...erable

I have to admit I am wavering a bit. It's not like he's giving me any indication that he wants to stay with me. He's 13 now and wants to be with mom and in the other state. I know that he's been influenced to go. I want him around but part of me wonders if I should let him go so he can see for himself how things are.

I read his texts and he complains to mom about me. He's told me that he was going to use something(I don't remember what it was) that I did or said in court(against me). I read a text to his mom that he was going to bring something up in court against me. She replied that she's saving all the texts. She did tell him to respect me.

When he complains about the sister that they are living with I stand up for her. I don't seem to get the same courtesy. I am stressed out and just not sure if it's worth it to keep fighting if he's so hellbent on going.


----------



## uhaul4mybaggage

I'm sorry you are going through this. I am too, to an extent. I think it's because I have a tighter standard than his dad does and expect him to show more respect, and he bristles at that because Dad has never made him show me respect (he always has shown Dad respect.) 

The only problem with letting him move out of state and "seeing how it is," is that it's hard to reverse. But I do know people who have done it. It may be that giving him that latitude to choose may be the only way that you will be able to show him you care enough to let him pursue what he thinks he needs to be happy. I know I sound like I'm waffling here, but only you will be able to choose, and there are arguments for both choices. I know it would kill me if my stbx decided to sweep my boys away out of reach. And I would fight like hell, but mainly because my younger one has ASD and no way of adding his input. My older son is like yours, but with loyalty to Dad, and it is very strained between us despite my best efforts. I did just go through mediation again, and we now have a more fair visitation arrangement (hallelujah!!) that I'm hoping will give us some one on one time to visit without arguing about who knows more about parenting my younger son (my older son or me!?!) 

I agree that you need to take as much pressure off as possible by telling your son that you are glad he and Mom are close. 

I am concerned that he is thinking in terms of court. Ideally, he would never have to testify or be part of that process, so I'm wondering if she put that thought in his head or if he just imagined that that's how things work. Oh, to be 14 again and know EVERYTHING. 

Know that people are rooting for you. I just picked up a couple of brochures from Social Services here in VA that talk about communication with teens (an area I definitely need to work at.) One thing I do know is to use "I" messages ("when you ____, I feel ___. How do you feel about that?") Anyway, I hope this helps somehow. However you choose to respond will be right, as you are doing a lot of soul searching first. Things will work out. Have faith.


----------



## turnera

If he has the right to choose where he stays, you have to let him go. The best thing you can do at this point is show him UTTER honesty, respect, and clean living. BE his role model, whether he knows it or not. NEVER discuss his mother with him. NEVER criticize him. DO expect a lot from him - boys need their fathers to push them to achieve, to earn their fathers' respect and admiration. Keep fighting on the legal front, but show him that you will not stoop to her level. He'll figure it out eventually; maybe not tomorrow, maybe not this year. But if you keep showing him the high road, sooner or later he'll join you on it.


----------



## TheMizz...erable

Had son overnight last night. Pretty rough to start. He got mad at me because I was in the kitchen with him. He thought I was just watching him. I told him I just wanted to be with him. He marched straight to his phone and I made him put it down and told him to stop tattling on me to his mom. He said "I'll just tell her later". He told me that the text msgs will help him go to the other state.

Asked him why he was so angry with me and he said it's because I am fighting to keep him from going to the other state. In a nutshell he s let me know that if he did go, he'd only come to see me because he was forced to. And he didn't seem to care if he ever saw me again.

This is the person I love most in this world telling me this.

After a while things were normal. I took him to the store to get him something to give to his mom on her upcoming birthday. At home, we watched a scary movie together and when commercials were on, we wrestled and tickled eachother.

I don't know what to do with him. He is really mixed up.


----------



## turnera

Personally, I would be fighting legally to make him HAVE to go to counseling.


----------



## TheMizz...erable

Just to update: In november I decided to let him go. I removed the excuse for him to be angry with me. Right or wrong. Just had him for a week and as time dwindled down, he asked me why couldn't I move to the other state too. And when we said our goodbyes he cried. 

Big difference from two months ago. I am trying not to hate and despise my ex for this. She should not have even thought about taking him away. He will understand what has happened at some point. Whether it's 2,3 years or 20 years from now. He will understand. I hope it's sooner and I will be here when he wants to come back and his mom will eventually figure out she screwed up.


----------



## turnera

I'm sorry. It must be so hard. Please stay in touch with him through letters or emails. Someday it will mean a lot to him.


----------



## Laurae1967

Wow, that is unfortunate. Your son won't understand later, actually. She has and will continue to poison him against you and now you have no regular contact with him and what he will think is that you gave up on him. Since when is a 13 year old kid mature enough to make life-altering decisions like where to live and which parent to "give up"? They can't. What your son experienced was abuse at the hands of his mother and now he's with her full time. I'm not sure that was the best decision for his well-being. That is too bad.


----------



## TheMizz...erable

I didn't give up on my son.


----------



## uhaul4mybaggage

No, you didn't. I know how you feel. I'm in your boat. When they manipulate the info your kids hear, and can present one side of a situation when you're trying to "take the high road" by not bashing (or presenting your side, which most kids see as bashing,) you can't do much with that. My 14 yo told me tonight he won't be visiting me anymore. Threatens that all the time. I know it's a teenage breaking away thing. Still breaks my heart. Have to get us into counseling while I can.

You can write(text) to him. I would not send letters to the house that could be intercepted. Don't think they will reach him. Keep letting him know you love him and wish he was still with you. I wish you peace and strength; wish me the same, please.


----------



## EleGirl

Do you have dates when your son will be visiting you?


----------



## TheMizz...erable

Things aren't as bad now uhaul. He is not as resentful.

Ele, yes I do.


----------

