# We both cheated...Hope for us?



## brokendog (Dec 15, 2010)

Hi this past sunday 2 days ago I admitted to my wife that I was unfaithful numerous times. She has been assuming I've cheated for years and has been hounding me for admission or proof. 

Originally I had planned on never telling her and just doing right. However her doubts and the stupid things I've done have been a wedge between us. 

Lately my guilty conscience has been killing me and I finally broke down and told her everything. Then she told me how 1 night when I was supposed to pick her up for a date when we had sitters for our kids she wound up with an old friend/sex partner got drunk and had sex. 

She blames me for that night and claims that was the only time she had sex with someone else. The thing that creeps me out is that afterwards we had sex and I felt like something was up by how her vagina felt that night. 

I know she was no more wrong than me and in fact know I've been a terrible husband. I haven't been physically involved with anyone since 2006 and have been trying hard to make up for my past but it hasn't worked.

We have talked separation with me moving out this Friday. I feel leaving will only create more doubt and opportunity for new things to happen. I want to repair our marriage and spend the rest of my life with her. She feels like this maybe too much baggage for us to overcome.

I'm looking for hope and encouragement!


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Don't move. Stay and work on your marriage. 

You guys CAN do it as long as you are both 100% committed to restoring the marriage/repairing it. 

Get counselling (marriage counselling) and tell eachother waht you want/need/lack from the marriage. 

You guys have to get really honest and open with eachother in order for this to work.


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## Riverside MFT (Oct 5, 2009)

I agree with JB. It is possible to heal from these things if you both are willing to put in the needed work. Get into marriage counseling. If she is unwilling to go, go to individual counseling to start changing yourself. From my experience, separating is not a step towards healing in the marriage, but is a step closer to divorce. She obviously needs space right now. Give her some space. Maybe you could stay the night away for two nights with plans on coming right back. Even if (when) you do come back, she will still need her space. Keep working on yourself. Keep working on being a better man and husband to your wife.


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## DoveInTheMud (May 25, 2011)

Buy the book "How to help your spouse heal from your affair" and you both study and follow it.
It may save your life - i.e. sanity, marriage, and further heartache.


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