# Hi. My name is Ryan



## n757xe (9 mo ago)

I have been divorced for 6 years. At behest of many people, I attempted to make things better between us (4 children among us and married more than 20y). In most of the years that I knew her, I understood her in one way. In talking with her -- only recently -- I came to realize that reality was/is very different. My head has been flat spinning ever since we talked. Is there a recommended forum for this?


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

So what is the reality that is different?

Also …. You have been divorced 6 years. At some point you need to let it go dude and move on.


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

n757xe said:


> I have been divorced for 6 years. At behest of many people, I attempted to make things better between us (4 children among us and married more than 20y). In most of the years that I knew her, I understood her in one way. In talking with her -- only recently -- I came to realize that reality was/is very different. My head has been flat spinning ever since we talked. Is there a recommended forum for this?


Hi Ryan. Welcome to TAM.

About the forums, it sorta depends on the details of the problem. And there‘s a ‘Gerneral’ forum for things that don’t quite fit anywhere else. Or…you can talk here too. It’s up to you.

I hope this site can be helpful for you.


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

I can move this to the General section if needed. 

Feel free to flesh out your story on this thread. It will be difficult to advise you until we have a full understanding of your history. 

Sent from my Pixel 6 using Tapatalk


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## n757xe (9 mo ago)

During our marriage, she talked about how she is incapable of sex and incapable of working. She claimed her illnesses were terminal (within about 5 years of her making these claims). 

My reality was that I pitied her. I accepted a life without sex. I carried the torch for earning income. She would only talk about her illnesses in vague ways. She would not allow me to talk to her doctors. She was abusing script drugs; she was heavily crippled by debt that I did not know about. She invoked bipolar to excuse almost everything that she did.

I thought she would eventually recover, so I stayed with her for many more years than I should have.

Current reality is that she is sex crazy; she has been employed for many years; and she thinks that I was mistake. She went on to say that she should have never married me. She considers me as a joke. She laughed at me and snickered as we talked. During multiple recent discussions, she claimed that I was a mistake; I am nothing to her; and she can do so much better than me. It would seem that she was so awful, because of me. There could be some truth to that, just as I can say the thing about her.

Our family has been torn to pieces, because of all the toxicity.


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## n757xe (9 mo ago)

As I look back on many events that have occurred since divorce, I attributed them to her being just crazy.

Now, I am interpreting these events so differently -- and craziness had nothing to with them. 

I felt sorry for her, but I never should have. And I wasted many years of my life, because of her


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

Look dude ….. I’m going to say something you probably don’t want to hear. You knew in your gut long ago when you were married that something was fishy. If my wife was proclaiming death sentence I’d be talking to the doctors and be heavily involved. At some point you have to accept the fact that you really did know the truth but decided to pretend anyways. The fact that you are so hung up on her 6 years later screams unhealthy codependency. You can blame her for everything if you like but from where I’m standing I think you need to look in the mirror.

6 years man…. 6 f’ing years. Let it go and move on


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

You need to climb in 757xe and fly that woman out of your mind.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Maybe she is behaving like this because she _IS_ bipolar?


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## Lotsofheart73 (Oct 13, 2021)

If you need to get it off your chest, vent it here or to a counselor and then MOVE ON! You made a mistake in staying but do not continue the mistake by letting this regret ruin the present and future.

Focus on your life not hers. Focus on your children, your career and whatever else in life is important to you. But don’t focus on the past and waste more of your precious life.


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## n757xe (9 mo ago)

Mr.Married said:


> You need to climb in 757xe and fly that woman out of your mind.


I did fly away for 5 years. She was not in my mind at all. I had relationships since. However, she re-appeared bc of holidays. I have been in counseling ever since, but it is not sufficient.


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## n757xe (9 mo ago)

Mr.Married said:


> Look dude ….. I’m going to say something you probably don’t want to hear. You knew in your gut long ago when you were married that something was fishy. If my wife was proclaiming death sentence I’d be talking to the doctors and be heavily involved. At some point you have to accept the fact that you really did know the truth but decided to pretend anyways. The fact that you are so hung up on her 6 years later screams unhealthy codependency. You can blame her for everything if you like but from where I’m standing I think you need to look in the mirror.
> 
> 6 years man…. 6 f’ing years. Let it go and move on


She would not let me see doctors.

I knew the truth as Hypochondria. I knew her self-proclaimed death sentence was ridiculous, but she sincerely believed it. She wanted to move her bed into the living room, because she would soon be incapable of walking up stairways to her room (not our room).

I was hoping for her to snap out of it. I was/am an idiot, for sure. I did not know what to do. I asked for friends and family members to step in.

Part of this is that I just need to vent. And I need to reconcile everything that I understood. (I don't talk to her any more.)


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## n757xe (9 mo ago)

As an example of what I am going through:

I PITIED her for 10 years -- she put the children and I through HELL! Now, she laughs at me, and considers me sub-standard. WHY? 

BIPOLAR is not an excuse to act like she did -- EVER. As I understand it, if you are properly medicated, the symptoms abate. (She ALWAYs had access to health care, because of ME -- not because of herself).

I have four children with her. WTH?


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## n757xe (9 mo ago)

When I say she had access to health care -- I mean she had access to GOOD health care. I endured many ****ty years of working at a job that I detested, because I knew that we needed to be on a group policy - the kind you get at Work. The kind that did not have limitations for pre-existing conditions, for example.

It is crap like that.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

She was a problem…. Yes.

But you really need to figure out yourself.

Your life with her is over. The good person in her you once knew is long gone. What remains is not the person you fell in love with. You can’t go through life hating yourself because someone changed and you need to disconnect from her.

Go get your instrument ticket. It will give you something to focus on.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Insanity is a real thing...

You left her to her own devices and she hates you for it.

This is her getting back at you for not tolerating her cold fronts, the snow drifts, and her cerebral, aural storms.

Of course she is having a lot of sex.
Face it, that is all she has to offer to any man who comes-a-sniffing.
Likely, she now likes it, that casual, no-strings intercourse.

Light discourse to intercourse in a flash.

She thinks because she can readily bed so many men, that they are really into her.
Yes, they are into her, about six inches, and no more.

Feel no hate towards her, she was dealt a weak hand, and a death-wish mind.

Life is full of these undecipherable anomalies.

You escaped the chaos, she cannot.


_Nemesis-_


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

she is evil. she used you as a %%% ATM machine. 
she probably had gobs of wild sex with OTHER MEN while you were married.
she lied the entire time.
she is lazy, and tricked you into doing everything in the marriage.

So WHY ARE YOU STILL TALKING TO HER? 
no contact. stop talking. never see her again. Get on with your life and find a nice normal non-crazy woman.


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

So what initiated the divorce? How did the breakup transpire? Who initiated it (sounds like she did)? What were the events surrounding it (sounds like she felt enabled to do it)?


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## No Longer Lonely Husband (Nov 3, 2015)

Ryan…..why worry? She is not your problem any longer. She has a few loose screws. Forget about her. Why in the hell would anything she say matter? This woman sounds like she is evil and imbalanced mentally. RUN!


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

She sounds very much bipolar to me, and it seems she is having a manic episode at the moment.

You're right when you say it's not an excuse for her behaviours, in the moment perhaps, but when she realised what she'd done and refused to seek help or medicate, then she becomes the problem. She is still responsible for her conduct.

How old are your children? You really should have full custody with the way she is, very unfair for them to have be alone with her, especially while she's like this.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

n757xe said:


> She would not let me see doctors.
> 
> I knew the truth as Hypochondria. I knew her self-proclaimed death sentence was ridiculous, but she sincerely believed it. She wanted to move her bed into the living room, because she would soon be incapable of walking up stairways to her room (not our room).
> 
> ...


I first thought addiction. And she was just looking for someone to just let her keep only doing that.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

n757xe said:


> During our marriage, she talked about how she is incapable of sex and incapable of working. She claimed her illnesses were terminal (within about 5 years of her making these claims).
> 
> My reality was that I pitied her. I accepted a life without sex. I carried the torch for earning income. She would only talk about her illnesses in vague ways. She would not allow me to talk to her doctors. She was abusing script drugs; she was heavily crippled by debt that I did not know about. She invoked bipolar to excuse almost everything that she did.
> 
> ...


So you got involved with a con woman. You divorced her right? So you got the last laugh.

The only thing to learn here is don't be so nice. Be good, not nice. Nice guys finish last. Even here, stop wallowing and cut her off. Talk to your kids separate. Go on and live your life to the fullest like she never existed. You kids will soon want to be a part of that.

Seriously dude you are still wasting time on her, by worrying and posting about her now. Enough with this asshole.

Take back your agency in your own life and move on.


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## Tested_by_stress (Apr 1, 2021)

You're letting her rent space in your head. are your kids grown? Are they with you or her?


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

n757xe said:


> As an example of what I am going through:
> 
> I PITIED her for 10 years -- she put the children and I through HELL! Now, she laughs at me, and considers me sub-standard. WHY?
> 
> ...


She is completely re-writing you marital history for one reason. She WANTS to hurt you, for whatever reason.(maybe because you divirced her?). You wanted to get better with her for the kids, but it's not possible. 
You let her get into your head after all this time. 
Realize that she is lying specifically to manipulate you and hurt you. She is telling everyone to hurt YOU. Do you really want ANYTHING to do with her? If you have to be around her, ignore her. If she tries to talk walk away. If she continues, tell her you have absolutely nothing to say to her, and walk away.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

Ya just can’t fix crazy…


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## Quad73 (May 10, 2021)

jlg07 said:


> She is completely re-writing you marital history for one reason. She WANTS to hurt you, for whatever reason.(maybe because you divirced her?)


Power. The whole relationship / con game has been about her power over him, and her reveling in it.


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