# Husband Innappropriate With Teen



## Weirdo567 (Aug 20, 2015)

Ok I'm concerned. My new husband has a 21 year old daughter. He is 47. Not along ago, I found out his ex wife had banned one of his daughter's friends from the house because she was concerned about inappropriate behavior. She eventually lifted that and my husband says his ex was simply jealous of his daughter and her friend. 

Well tonight while going through a box I found a note from his daighter's other friend. It thanked him for being like a second dad... But said she was so grateful they grew closer and loved him very much. 

I flipped out. I told him that was very strange to me and he said I was acting nuts. He said since I have a young son I can't understand what a great "cool" dad he was to his teenage daughter and her friends. 

I eventually calmed down and told him I loved him and all was okay. But I feel strange about it. 

What do you think?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

How old are you? How long have the two of you been married?

There is not enough info to have much of an opinion. Either he's a good guy who was just a good 'father figure' to his teen daughter's friend. or he's a perve chasing teen girls. 

There is nothing horrible about that note as a stand alone item.

How do you know that his ex said that he was inappropriate with a teen girl?


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## Weirdo567 (Aug 20, 2015)

I'm 40. He's 48. I think what worries me is the fact that his ex had already banned another girl from the house and now i see this...

Also... Before I met him... He was 46 and dating 2 girls who were 20 and 21 ...


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## Weirdo567 (Aug 20, 2015)

To answer your question.., he had told me that his ex had very big concerns with the girl. Also I had seen texts where he had said he was upset she didn't come visit him while she was home from college and that he missed her. He said it was love... Like a daughter.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

How long have you been married to this guy?

OK, him dating 20/21 year olds is creepy. But you married him.

It's hard to say because I know that some of my kids' friends tell me that I'm their second mother and that I love them. One of my brothers has 6 kids and they have lots of friends. He's the 'second dad' to a lot of them. He's spent time tutoring them in math and science to help them get into college, etc... even girls. And he gets letter from them now that they are all over the country, mostly graduated from college and working.

So I just don't know.. don't have enough info.


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## Tobin (Jun 24, 2015)

He's into girls half your age. It's only a matter of time before he cheats on you with a younger girl.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Is he 47 or 48?


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## Weirdo567 (Aug 20, 2015)

He's 48 in 2 months.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

uh huh


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Methinks that your hubby is a more than proficient "cradle-robber!"

As their main forte is most notably money and attention! Beware!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## NWKindaguy (Sep 2, 2011)

Sounds like he is being the father this girl is missing and the ex is jealous of the attention he is getting as a result. I don't see anything bad happening here


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## Weirdo567 (Aug 20, 2015)

My husband is what I would consider a narcissist. He loves attenion from people and I was already on edge last night when I found this letter because he is constantly stealing the show ...so to speak.

I have a female friend (married - not attractive) who is a great networker and I was supposed to meet her for happy hour last night. He got very upset that I was going to happy hour with this woman...claiming this woman was probably trying to make me her "wing woman"....and he felt it was odd. I said - no. She's happily married...etc...and she's very sweet professional.

So instead of allowing him to freak out about it -- I just invited him so he could see. I felt she could give him great networking advice too.

Well, they run in the similar circles and we sat there for 2 and half hours and I think I said 4 sentences. Every time I tried to speak-- he jumped in and cut me off....and I wasn't going to be rude... but it was yet again -- he took over. When we left I told him I was upset ...and why. He got mad and said "it's always something with you.." you are always finding a way to find drama. I said no...I feel that I invited you and you completely ignored me. He makes me feel like I have no value -- since I'm not in his profession....


Then, we come home and my son is going through pictures in a box and pulls out this letter.... and I'm thinking GEEZ!

So I don't say anything right away -- I start to simmer in the other room. The back story on this...is just LAST NIGHT -- his previous 21 year old who he said he didn't "date" ...just hung out with ...tried to friend me on Facebook. Before I had married him - he told me some weird story about how the girl's dad asked him to be a mentor etc to the girl and he helped her stop drinking and get back in school. I was confused by the weird story, but I let it go. Then we ran into her about 2 months ago and it was awkward. I could see something was strange about their interaction....but again I let it go. 

But when I saw her try to friend me -- I looked and saw on her profile that she had tagged him (before he met me) at dance clubs all through the city and pricey steak houses... for at least 2 months.

So I asked him WHY he lied to me...about being a "friend/mentor" to this girl...and he said he didn't. That he was just hanging out with her because she and her FRIENDS were fun.... and then I realized they are all still Facebook friends! He also told me that he introduced this girl to his daughter and they all hung out a lot.... (He did unfriend her when I requested it and do Not believe they have spoken for a long time...)

So, he's a 47 year old man...with a great career....SEEMS to be a family man...but this stuff just feels very concerning to me...

It doesn't help that I know his ex wife was jealous of ANOTHER friend of his daughter...and she just happened to be a teenage swimsuit model...

I feel very concerned and jealous too... and anytime I try to talk to him about it ...he just tells me that I must be thinking of cheating ..because that's what cheaters do...they find things like this (baseless in his opinion) to throw at the other person -- to feel better about cheating.

I am NOT cheating on him ...and I was not "looking"....




intheory said:


> Everyone here is right; there isn't much information.
> 
> But I would never ignore your gut instincts.
> 
> ...


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## Spitfire (Jun 6, 2015)

Don't know for sure but the guy sounds like a creeper. Who does crap like that? Dating two women in their early 20's should have been a red flag for you. If he told you that when you were dating it was probably a test to see how you would react to his creepiness.


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

Spitfire said:


> Don't know for sure but the guy sounds like a creeper. Who does crap like that? Dating two women in their early 20's should have been a red flag for you. If he told you that when you were dating it was probably a test to see how you would react to his creepiness.


Totally agree. After my divorce I dated a man who was 47 and for a while he told me that his 21/22 year old female friend was just a good friend/BFF. He finally told me that she'd been his girlfriend for 3 years. To me, it showed a total lapse in judgment (especially since he had a REALLY hard time getting over her) and I broke it off. 

So many red flags here, sorry!


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Successful businessmen in their late 40s don't usually hang out with 20-year-old chicks unless they're b*nging them, or want to b*ng them.

Follow your gut. There's something "off" about him. His ex-wife had the same feeling. Two women with the same gut instinct are probably not wrong.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Weirdo567 (Aug 20, 2015)

He said he never "dated' them...that he just knew them through their families and his kids...and then I see this on FB.

He said going out dancing etc with these girls is nothing..becuase he never touched them. I believe he probably didn't "touch" them...but he was still hanging with very, very young women.

He's a very good looking man...and I see him staring at women -- it's just how he is. I think he mostly looks at others to make sure they are looking at him.

He spends more time picking out his outfits and getting ready than I do...

Also, I get botox twice a year -- and went with me the last time and got TWICE the amount that I get... 

So...you see the way he is.. he's very into his appearance etc. I think in many ways that is good...but I pray that he never cheats on me.

He swears he NEVER cheated on his ex's...even after they hadn't been having sex for a year... (the last one)... 

He says I am the more likely one to cheat...



Spitfire said:


> Don't know for sure but the guy sounds like a creeper. Who does crap like that? Dating two women in their early 20's should have been a red flag for you. If he told you that when you were dating it was probably a test to see how you would react to his creepiness.


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

Weirdo567 said:


> *He said* he never "dated' them...that he just knew them through their families and his kids...and then I see this on FB.
> 
> *He said* going out dancing etc with these girls is nothing..becuase he never touched them. I believe he probably didn't "touch" them...but he was still hanging with very, very young women.
> 
> ...


What do YOU say?? It sounds like he calls all the shots and has you firmly in place, right where he wants you.


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## Weirdo567 (Aug 20, 2015)

Yeah, well I can honestly say when "I" speak up or show concern about something...he tells me that "I'm just causing drama...and that he can't live like this...It's always something...why can't you just be happy, he asks?"

So...it's gotten me to the point that I just avoid confrontation unless I'm really really mad or jealous....

My son was near us last night -- and he had no regard for the fact that he was starting a fight in front of him. I kept walking out of the room..and he started following me...and then when I left the room again...he said "I see...you don't want me around ...you are mad..." I said no...let's talk about this later...then he told me and my son that he was leaving..he had to go to work...whcih was bologna....

I asked my husband if I could talk to him privately...he said no. NO! The conversation is over...I'm leaving...

My 9 year old was witnessing the whole thing... and very upset...




SecondTime'Round said:


> What do YOU say?? It sounds like he calls all the shots and has you firmly in place, right where he wants you.


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

This sounds like an unhealthy relationship . How long have you been married?


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## Spitfire (Jun 6, 2015)

I suppose you could tell him to cut ties with all women (other than family) on social media. Also, make it clear to him that this sort of behavior is unacceptable and will not be tolerated. See how he reacts to that. Have you ever looked at his phone? Is he still communicating with these girls?


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## Weirdo567 (Aug 20, 2015)

I have asked him to unfriend these girls...and others who he dated. He has unfriended MOST of them...but gave me a hard time and said that I was "stripping away" all his friends... and trying to control him.

We've been married only about 4 months now....

I have seen his phone from time to time...and now he's very good about deleting things (i believe) because the last time I took it ...I found a text string with the girl that his ex was jealous of...and it said something like "I can't believe you didn't stop by and see me when you came home from college..." "I miss your pretty face..." "Will you move back to our state after school? The responses were deleted...I think she stopped communicating....

He said that she's like a daughter to him and that he only said these things because she had low self esteem and likes to pump her up....I told him that was her PARENTS job.... 

I don't THINK anything inappropriate happened but it definitely panicked me....to the point I almost called off the wedding...


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

Weirdo567 said:


> I don't THINK anything inappropriate happened but it definitely panicked me....to the point I almost called off the wedding...


I just read your other thread about his ex going through your things. 

You definitely should have called off this wedding. He says his ex doesn't have boundaries, but neither does he! At all!


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## Weirdo567 (Aug 20, 2015)

Yeah - he pretty much just does what he wants and snoops where he wants too... His ex wife is very similar.....

But, my husband HATES my ex. To the point he gets upset if I even speak to him when dropping off my son for longer than 2 minutes etc.

I had a very friendly relationship with my ex...for my son...we would eat dinner together sometimes. My husband said no more...and will not tolerate that...even on holidays...

So -- I think it's quite interesting how this transpired and how he is making it out that I am making a mountain out of a mole hill.

He seems angry -- don't get me wrong. BUT -- he would have SHOT my ex husband if he did this in our home. And I mean SHOT -- with a gun!




SecondTime'Round said:


> I just read your other thread about his ex going through your things.
> 
> You definitely should have called off this wedding. He says his ex doesn't have boundaries, but neither does he! At all!


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

How the heck is he trying to claim he was a "2nd father" and a "mentor" when, according to your other thread, he isn't even a father to his own kids?


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## tripad (Apr 18, 2014)

Weirdo567 said:


> To answer your question.., he had told me that his ex had very big concerns with the girl. Also I had seen texts where he had said he was upset she didn't come visit him while she was home from college and that he missed her. He said it was love... Like a daughter.



He may be cool dad

But his text shows he's interested in her . 

BS . Love like a daughter when he has a daughter already . Does he text his own daughter such mushy messages ?


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## Weirdo567 (Aug 20, 2015)

Agreed MMJean. This was from about 5 years ago when his daughter was about 14. He says that he had his kids every other weekend then. I'm not quite sure when that stopped. Probably when his 2 youngest began playing sports... Since he hates that. His oldest (the one w suspicious friends) never played sports. They just shopped all the time etc. since I've met my husband, he barely communicates with any of them unless I encourage it. And they turn down most invited to dinner etc. he says they may be jealous of me.


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## gouge_away (Apr 7, 2015)

Weirdo567 said:


> I feel very concerned and jealous too... and anytime I try to talk to him about it ...he just tells me that I must be thinking of cheating ..because that's what cheaters do...they find things like this (baseless in his opinion) to throw at the other person -- to feel better about cheating.


Accusations of a thought crime, (how primitive) but still, something is missing...?



Weirdo567 said:


> He says I am the more likely one to cheat...


Oh there it is, the projection!

We have a pervert here, please run a background check my dear. You might be able to have this mistake annulled.

You may have married a pedophile.


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## gouge_away (Apr 7, 2015)

Keylog the computer, see what his pornographic interests are, and burn his trophy letter.
I don't think its the 20yr olds he was chasing in the clubs, but the nostalgia.


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## Weirdo567 (Aug 20, 2015)

I have run his background actually. He works now for a company that mandates it. He is clean 

As for porn etc... There's nothing. He and I are always together. He makes sure of that. I don't know if we are apart for more than his quick 3-4 hour work day. 

He loves my Victoria secret catalog in the mail though... I said I wanted to throw it out ... And he definitely stopped that! 

The difference with him than my ex is he always seems to be looking at people. He will notice women all the time and often it is young women. 

I said something once and he says he doesn't. I'm crazy etc. but I'm not. I witness it every day.


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## gouge_away (Apr 7, 2015)

Speaking of ex's, do you think maybe his ex was looking for something specific, or looking on a hunch because she clearly knows him better than you know him...

I wouldn't assume she is just a nosey brat snooping can't keep out of others business...
She might know a lot that you don't.


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## tripad (Apr 18, 2014)

gouge_away said:


> Speaking of ex's, do you think maybe his ex was looking for something specific, or looking on a hunch because she clearly knows him better than you know him...
> 
> I wouldn't assume she is just a nosey brat snooping can't keep out of others business...
> She might know a lot that you don't.


Smart hunch


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## Mrs.Submission (Aug 16, 2015)




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## Weirdo567 (Aug 20, 2015)

I'm planning my exit. He flipped out on me last night because I told him that I ran my own credit (bad credit from divorce) and applied for a credit card since I don't have one. 

He got angry and said that I'm acting suspicious and said there's "a deeper problem here.." 

He was so angry and I began to cry..so then told me that he can't talk to me because I'm acting insane. (Crying)

I slammed my computer shut and said I was going for a drive. He told me if I left the house he would never take me back. I said fine! He said he'd lock the house. (Knowing I would have no money because he could cut my access to money since all I have is a credit card and cash card w 400 dollar limit) I stayed. 

I was so angry and screaming and crying. I told him that all I want is respect. He said I don't trust him because I want to open a biz account w my money. 

It was awful. He is at work now but I'm now looking at apartments. It's just so hard.


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## hotshotdot (Jul 28, 2015)

Is your name on the checking account? Just because you only have a $400 limit on your cash card doesn't mean you can't go into a branch & withdraw more than that (if you're on the account). Wait until you are ready to leave & then take your money out of the account.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

Weirdo567 said:


> I slammed my computer shut and said I was going for a drive. He told me if I left the house he would never take me back. I said fine! He said he'd lock the house. (Knowing I would have no money because he could cut my access to money since all I have is a credit card and cash card w 400 dollar limit) I stayed.


Go consult an attorney. Some of this stuff he can't legally control, like locking you out of the house and denying you funds. If he isn't careful and makes it too difficult, he can end up paying some of your legal fees if it results in a divorce.


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## kristin2349 (Sep 12, 2013)

Weirdo567 said:


> I'm planning my exit. He flipped out on me last night because I told him that I ran my own credit (bad credit from divorce) and applied for a credit card since I don't have one.
> 
> He got angry and said that I'm acting suspicious and said there's "a deeper problem here.."
> 
> ...



OP this really should not be that hard at all. From all you have posted I can't think of one reason to stay.


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