# Need help/advice, please don't judge



## peachywife (Jun 23, 2010)

So, I'll try to make this short and sweet. (If possible!)

My husband and I have been married for 3 and a half years, together for 6, and have always had an intensely strong love. Our chemistry however, needed work. 

So about a week ago my husband discovered that his 'weird thoughts' are in fact a well-known underground fetish known as 'cuckoldry'. The basis of cuckoldry, if you don't already know, is when a husband becomes intensely excited thinking about or knowing that his wife has been with someone else (at this point, if you are going to throw out judgements, please just navigate away from this thread). At first I was almost offended, but he eventually warmed me up to the idea, and I told him I'd try at least once... but not with a stranger, and he had to ask the guy.

Long story short, we have had a mutual friend since the beginning of our relationship, and they were actually friends since middle school. My hubby discussed it with him, and since I always found him attractive, the 3 of us decided that all parties would enjoy sort of a friends-with-benefits relationship between his friend and I. You can probably guess what is coming next. We didn't use a condom, he pulled out, but last night I am relatively certain that he did in fact ...go... inside. He is a beast in bed and can usually go multiple times, and I think he thought I didn't notice and thought he only went once, when he pulled out. YES I KNOW I AM RETARDED, but he kind of played me and like an idiot I didn't put my foot down and insist it had to be wrapped or nothing would happen. I even cried in his arms begging him to use one, and he refused. And I went along anyway. My fault entirely. 

SO of course now I am freaking out, wondering if I'm pregnant. Of course it hasn't even been a week, so there is 0 way to tell. My husband and I have such a crappy love life that he will know for certain it is his friend's. 

I discussed the possibility with him, and he has really gone back and forth on the issue, at first saying he thinks it would be awesome, because he always thought I should reproduce with someone more attractive than himself, and that we could raise it as our own... and then the next time we discuss it, it ends with him flying off the handle, freaking out on me for being so foolish. 

I'm not really sure what I'm asking for, maybe advice... and for those of you who care to possibly send some anti-baby vibes my way. Thanks for reading my ridiculous vent.


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## Susan2010 (Apr 19, 2010)

It's not too late for the morning after pill to prevent bringing a child into this.


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## 2Daughters (May 13, 2010)

I knew a guy who liked to watch his wife get boinked by other guys..whatever turns to you on I guess.:scratchhead:


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## KNA2009 (Jun 24, 2010)

I don't want to give you an anti-baby vibe since I'm a mom myself but like the other poster said it isn't to late to try for the morning after pill. It does sound like you and your hubby have a very secure relationship and if so a baby may not make things so bad but it is irreversible. You, your hubby, and possibly the third party should discuss the what-if's and deal with it accordingly. Keep in mind that for the 9 months emotions will flare for you and resentment may rise in either guy. You don't want to bring an innocent child into such confusion like a love triangle that really isn't a love triangle it's just a fun-loving sexual fetish gone awry. Ponder long and hard.


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## peachywife (Jun 23, 2010)

Thanks KNA, Susan.

I just took the pill, so hopefully everything will be fine. It's been just over 24 hours, so I think it will be. Kids are definitely WAY off the to-do list, and my hubby's friend offered to pay for all of it. I agreed to half. My husband was unaware of this whole dilemma, as we had both told him we had used a raincoat. 

I hadn't called him before I posted, but decided I _had_ to if I was to make any sense of it. He agreed the best idea was to take it, regardless of the chance that conception actually occurred or not. Best to just be safe.

Thanks for the advice.


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## 63Vino (Dec 23, 2009)

Yea i would have said ...morning after pill as well.
No judging here as i think it fine/great that you agree to do "whatever". BUT... high risk for something going horribly wrong, not just physically like std or baby but further or irrepairable damage between yiou and hubby. 
I suggest that if you continue you step back and creat rules that are NOT to be broken. I think you failed at this as it seems you had already agreed to use protection. Rules.... set them keep them.


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## peachywife (Jun 23, 2010)

Star said:


> Did the issue of STD's ever cross your mind in all of this? Why did you not just walk away at the point of him refusing to use a condom and you crying in his arms? This is going to sound really harsh but you need to get some self respect for yourself, If you are to do this type of thing again, I suggest that you lay down some ground rules BEFORE the event and if he does not want to comply then just make it known it's not gonna fly, that simple.
> 
> what is with your husband saying he thinks you should re-produce with someone more attractive than him? That's just really screwed up, sorry.
> 
> Perhaps one thing good may come of all this and that is a lesson learned.


You're absolutely right. I knew what I wanted and caved. Kind of pisses me off because I feel like he played me like some naive young thing. The man in question is a self admitted misogynist, which for some reason made it about eleventy billion times MORE intriguing for me. I know that is seriously twisted, but I think sometimes I get annoyed that my husband and I have such an intense and close connection, and that he almost worships me and holds me in such a high regard. 

Don't get me wrong, I am not into men who beat or use women, it was just such a different element, and we have all been friends for so many years that both my husband and I felt we could trust him. He is still a good guy in many aspects, and isn't so extreme that he rapes or abuses women, he just holds them in an extremely lower regard, and (without getting into detail) demonstrates it somewhat in bed. 

And YES of course, STDs were a huge worry, and still are. Just because he's a close friend doesn't mean we know where he's been, and I plan to get tested within the week. 

And you're also right about it being a valuable lesson. Being an insecure, over-polite person has turned me into quite the pushover over the years, and this has honestly helped me realize that I am just as important as anyone else. I just can't believe I allowed myself to throw my own standards away without much thought. 

The whole thing about my husband wanting me to procreate with a more attractive man, that is something I am almost offended by. He was made fun of for his looks his whole life - and as an army brat, he dealt with it everywhere he went. He is incredibly handsome, and since his eyes slant in a somewhat unique way on his face, of course he was belittled growing up. Who wasn't!? Anyway he tells me he decided that after hearing it from enough people from state to state, it must have been true, that he was ugly. But I have thought he was smoking hot since day 1, and sort of had to beat out another girl for his interest in the beginning of our relationship. I won't lie, I was hooked up in the face department (not to be conceited), and he thinks that since I'm pretty, I wouldn't want to have kids with him. It's something I have tried hard to understand and change his views about.


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