# Ugh, W wont stop contacting



## 2yearsince (Sep 20, 2011)

Several weeks ago wife and I had a talk and I told her how I felt. She had EA 2 years ago and things have never been the same since, I just put on a good face and thought I could deal (she did end and was sorry). Other problems we had before came back. Well anyway after we talked about things I came back home from working out of town. That week we talked a little and I let her know I would be staying downstairs (I wasnt sure she could handle me just putting how I completely feel out there) and we barely talked. I had to go back out of town 2 weeks ago again for work and this past week she has been constantly calling and wanted to "Touch base". I know she isnt worried I am cheating but we I do answer she acts like we never had the conversations before. She has been going to a IC the last 3 weeks so I think that has something to do with it. I soooooo dont want to talk to her, I dont have any feelings left for her at this point. I thought we talked it out and she was on the road to accepting but now I feel like I have to go through the entire talk again. So frustrating.


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## 2yearsince (Sep 20, 2011)

UGH, so like 3 days in a row of calls at night. I skip the first but she keeps calling so I answer. Nothing to say to me. Maybe she is trynig to check up, dont know but I just dont want to talk cant she get that.


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

It sounds like once you showed her the writing on the wall she went into panic mode, now she is trying to salvage things and she is thinking with constant communication maybe you will change your mind. How do you know if she's reacting out of fear or love? Fear of things "changing" like end of the marriage, loss of stability, loss of social standing, etc., or is she waking up and discovering she truly loves you and doesn't want to lose you? 

If your mind is set in stone then unfortunately for her at this point her wants no longer matter, you need to set clear boundaries of what things will be like going forward, and if you don't want reduntant phone calls tell her so. If you have any interest in salvaging things then you better find something to talk about and keep talking when she calls.lol


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

You either need to decide to work on your marriage or decide to divorce. I'm not even sure I understand which option you want. Undoubtedly your wife is unsure also. If you want a divorce, tell your wife exactly that....and quit taking her calls. Get a new number.


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## 2yearsince (Sep 20, 2011)

Well we have kids so not that easy. I made it clear when I was home last time that I wanted time (I wanted her to get some help as I worried about her dealing with things). The 1st 10 days I was away she respected that but these last 4 days it has been repeated calls each night till I answered. Each time she made it sound like it was about the kids (not little kids) but I think it was really her trying to make me talk to her. Now I get to have the conversation again this week with the holidays. I know what I want, I want a divorce. I dread speaking to her and have no love left. I am just too nice a guy to come out and just say that. Thats why I tried (and letter just dealt) for the last 2 years. Have been trying to ease into it after I thought she could deal better but I am seeing that is not gonna work.


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

If you are done and want a divorce, and are too nice.... suggest to her that you two don't talk about it every day, just have this time to think...and agree to see a counselor with her. You can get counseling to end a relationship, it especially doesn't hurt when kids are involved, so that it could be an amicable break up. Do not suggest that you are going to counseling to save the marriage... I think hedge if you have to, but the manly thing to do is to just suck it up and TELL HER as soon as you can. 

I would suggest seeing an attorney FIRST, before you bring up divorce...and yes, you HAVE to. If you don't, then you deserve her endless contact!!


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## 2yearsince (Sep 20, 2011)

Oh I know I have to bring it up. I always had in the back of my mind I might catch her again cheating this past year since I knew and that would be my cowards way out. I dont talk to her about it, I dont talk to her much at all but when she says she wants to tell me something about the kids I feel obligated. I cant not want to hear whats going on with my own kids. I want to get it out there, I have just been stuck away for work most of the last 2 months. I'll be back a few days for thanksgiving but how do I bring it up on a holiday. I keep making excuses to not give it a final end. I did tell her I would be staying downstairs going forward on the last week home but I know that isnt final. I obviusly didnt want to do it over the phone. Then when I was home last time I was going to and she went on about how horrible things were and her dad who passed away that she will never get the chance to make things right with. I felt horrible and could only get out I would be staying in the basement. Now it's like cant do it on thanksgiving, then I wont be back home until before christmas so gotta wait, then right after is her/sons Bday. I just want to do it and move forward. I do want an amicable split for our kids sake. I do not hate the woman, just dont love her like a wife and she's the one who had the EA and treated me poorly (not that I am a saint). Anyway, thanks again for letting me vent. I do plan on seeing an IC as I know I have stuff to work out I didnt realize before. Not sure if I can do it with her, I think it would give her hope I want to try but been there done that and that desire is long gone.


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