# He says he can't afford to move out...



## snapple (Jul 27, 2011)

I will give you the short version of my marriage. We have been married almost 10 years. 6 of those 10 years my husband has been talking to women via email, text, or phone. Some of these conversations have been sexual. Once discovered I would confront him he said he would stop, well it hasn't. These are not random women, 2 of them are women he worked with or went to school with. I have threatened separation before only to cave in and say if he gets counseling on a regular basis we can work it out. We have had a couple of sessions of marriage counseling, but that has not helped. 

This last time was the straw that broke the camels back. I discovered an email from the latest 'friend' stating he had called her and she missed him. Now I have been dealing with him communicating with this 'friend' since early 2010. In May I told him I wanted a separation, he did not want to separate. We were in the process of moving so I gave him some more time to get a place. Now he is saying he may not be able to afford to move elsewhere and give me enough child support for the kids. His offer move into the basement. That is not an option in my opinion. 

Any advice? I have been dealing with him disrespecting me and our marriage for so long, I feel that if I let him live in the basement that is a slap in my face. I have a budget and it will be very tight if I do not receive child support for the children. I don't know I feel this may be another one of his tactics to keep everything status quo.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Tell him he needs to leave by X date. File for divorce and child support. He doesn't get to dictate the law and what is rightfully yours. 

If he refuses to leave, you may just have to let a judge to decide.

DO NOT MOVE. It will be considered abandonment.

File, file, file. The courts WILL give you child support because hello, he has to pay so him telling you he can't afford it is irrelevant. 100%. If the OW is married, out her to her husband.

He sounds like a little boy.


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## paperclip (Feb 24, 2011)

Listen to Jellybeans, Although my stbxw has a new boyfriend and wanted the divorce, I was forced to move out, find a roomate, and pay child support when i can barley afford to buy myself food. it's time he grows up and becomes a big boy.

Stop enabling him and letting him do what ever the heck he wants.


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

paperclip said:


> Listen to Jellybeans, Although my stbxw has a new boyfriend and wanted the divorce, I was forced to move out, find a roomate, and pay child support when i can barley afford to buy myself food. it's time he grows up and becomes a big boy.
> 
> Stop enabling him and letting him do what ever the heck he wants.



Here in Canada, it's not abandonment if you take your kids. Assets and debts are split 50/50 and the rest doesn't matter.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Paper, sorry to hear that happened to you. UGH!


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## setadrift (Jul 27, 2011)

I wish I had your guts! My STBX has been living with me for 3 or 4 days a week and with his girlfriend the rest. He can't afford to move out, but primarily because he's not willing to sacrifice his pretty new truck or the $1000 a month that he blows on her or at the bar. And yet, I keep letting him stay here, I think primarily because I don't want my teenage son to see me through his dad out and him struggle financially. I don't think he would understand that I'm throwing him out because of the affairs and he's struggling financially because his priorities are all screwed up!


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## paperclip (Feb 24, 2011)

setadrift said:


> I wish I had your guts! My STBX has been living with me for 3 or 4 days a week and with his girlfriend the rest. He can't afford to move out, but primarily because he's not willing to sacrifice his pretty new truck or the $1000 a month that he blows on her or at the bar. And yet, I keep letting him stay here, I think primarily because I don't want my teenage son to see me through his dad out and him struggle financially. I don't think he would understand that I'm throwing him out because of the affairs and he's struggling financially because his priorities are all screwed up!


Not to hijack a thread, but how old is your teenage son? A 13-15 year old teenage son is a lot different than a 17-19 year old teenage son.


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## setadrift (Jul 27, 2011)

Hi paperclip,

My son just turned 13 in April, and I'm afraid to say that emotionally he's a pretty young 13. I expect he's going to be very angry with both of us, and although I recognize that he needs his dad VERY much at this age and I would never dream of speaking poorly about him to my boy, I am terrified that he's going to hate me too. Or worse, turn inward and become very depressed at this very vulnerable stage in his life!


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