# How should I take this?



## LostinMO (Jan 1, 2016)

*I know a girl. Have known her from work for years. Know her outside of work too, a little bit. FB friends but really just acquaintances I guess. Ran into her the other day and we talked for 30 minutes or so. I have thought of her as a prospect and she has been friendly. Didn't have her contact info so I messaged her on FB. Here is my actual msg: "Hello. I was just wondering if maybe you'd like to go out sometime? Either way is cool, so no pressure. (smile emoticon) And if you would rather talk on the phone, my # is ...-....

No response. The msg was seen shortly after I sent it. I figured she'd probably say no but I didn't expect her to not even respond. I let it go but 3 days laters, I msg'd one more time..."Hi. I take the non-response as a no. I hope I didn't offend you. Sorry to bother you." Again, seen shortly after I sent it. No response.

We've chatted a little on FB before so I know it's not that she doesn't receive my msgs. Not taking it personally but it just strikes me as rude to not even respond at all.

*


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

You need to forget it and move on.

You're over analyzing things.

Just let it go and ask another woman out. And next time, do it in person if you're going to ask that abruptly.

Sorry, she wasn't interested, and you don't get to decide how she responds. It is what it is. 
Which amounts to very little. No need to get butt-hurt over it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

How to take it? 

Until, and if, she responds that she is interested in going out with you, you need to take it as she is not interested.

If you send her another message on the topic, you will be applying pressure.

Is it rude that she did not reply? She is in no obligation to reply. Just leave it alone.


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## LostinMO (Jan 1, 2016)

*I am done. I didn't mean to put pressure on her. And, like I said, I only asked her on FB because I didn't know how else to get in contact with her. I may not have seen her again for months. So that is why I asked on FB. 

Anyway I am done and moving on. Wasn't really butt hurt over it. Just thought it was rude. But that's just me. If it had been the other way around, I would have at least replied.*


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## RainbowBrite (Dec 30, 2015)

Deleted


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

She's not interested.

Move along.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LostinMO (Jan 1, 2016)

*Thanks all. Was the second message too much?*


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

"Either way is cool. No pressure." = insecure

How about "Have you ever beek to x? I would love to take you there for lunch next week."

As for her lack of response...if she wanted to, she would have said yes. No response=no interest.

You never should have sent the second message. Even more insecure.

Sent from my SM-N910V using Tapatalk


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

She was rude. But I agree with far... "Either way is cool. No pressure" translates to---> "I don't really care whether you go or not."

Come up with a new line!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

LostinMO said:


> *Thanks all. Was the second message too much?*


Yes, it looks insecure to her. If (big "if") she was considering your invitation, that'd probably have put her right off.

It's also rude that she didn't respond, though.

Next time you see her, just give her a nice smile and keep walking.

And Far is absolutely right - perhaps it was your tone that put her off. That whole "no worries if you don't want to" stuff is brutally casual. IF she had any interest in you before that, she'd now be thinking you're only slightly interested in her. Always better to be direct in your intentions. You want to date someone? Tell them you'd like to take them out, full stop. Using lines like "if you want to" or "no big deal" or "maybe sometime if you're available" just screams insecurity and fear of rejection.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

It didn't matter if you looked insecure.

She looked rude because she WAS rude.

And thus not worth your time or effort.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

My guess is if you know her professionally the "if you want to go out" offer has now made her uncomfortable, she doesn't want to go out and now she's probably afraid of facing you, she figured if she didn't respond you can both pretend it never happened. You would have been much better off striking up a conversation right before lunch and than "spontaneously" asking if she wanted to go grab a bite. That keeps it more professional and gives you both a chance to see if there's any chemistry. The casual lunch date is easy to recover from if there's no chemistry, where an actual "date" that didn't work out can cause some awkwardness in the work place. 

And yes, I think the follow up message was a bit much, you should have just accepted silence as a no.


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## LostinMO (Jan 1, 2016)

*We do not work together anymore. That is why I said it could have been months before I saw her again. As for the insecure stuff...ouch. I worded it the way I worded it to take the pressure off of her. I didn't want her to feel awkward or under any pressure whatsoever. *


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## ne9907 (Jul 17, 2013)

Move on, she is no obligation to respond to you. 

It has happened ot me a couple of time, I have learned to NOT respond when a man messages because they feel entitled to continue messaging me even after I have said NO.

If I don't find a man attractive or charming, I will ignore it. No use talking to them when I know they want to go out with me and I do not!


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## RainbowBrite (Dec 30, 2015)

Deleted


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## LostinMO (Jan 1, 2016)

*I have moved on. I'm done. If she would have said no, I wouldn't have said anything else about it.*


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

LostinMO said:


> *I have moved on. I'm done. If she would have said no, I wouldn't have said anything else about it.*


Here is the thing, you don't know why she has not responded.

Maybe she has not been online; or has not read messages yet (Not everyone reads their messages every day); maybe she is extremely busy.. could be some kind of emergency going on in her life. 

But you don't know what's up with her. 

Let it go.


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## LostinMO (Jan 1, 2016)

*I let it go. But no, I do not know why she did not respond. But the messages were seen shortly after I sent them. I know she is on break from school. But, whatever, like I have said several times, I'm done.

Thank you all. *


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

EleGirl said:


> Here is the thing, you don't know why she has not responded.
> 
> Maybe she has not been online; or has not read messages yet (Not everyone reads their messages every day); maybe she is extremely busy.. could be some kind of emergency going on in her life.
> 
> ...


You can tell when a FB message has been read.

Yes, it was rude not to respond at all. You're not an anonymous person on a dating site. She knows you, so it was rude!


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## CH (May 18, 2010)

Next time ask her face to face.

How many women on this board would be all excited if they got a 1st date request by text/e-mail or FB? Aside from those that meet long distance, even then I would hope they would get a call from a live person.

Maybe I'm just old school where I would like to get rejected face to face instead of having my message ignored :grin2:


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

CH said:


> Next time ask her face to face.
> 
> How many women on this board would be all excited if they got a 1st date request by text/e-mail or FB?


I'm an introvert so I'd be totally on board with it!


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## JohnA (Jun 24, 2015)

She froze, she didn't want to date you and had a hard tme finding a way to say no, so she didn't respond. Rude? A little but not much. She didn't lead you on in anyway so let it go as a lack of social skills.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

OliviaG said:


> *I think it was rude of her not to at least respond. Very weird, since you've known her and been friendly for years. *But nothing to do but leave it alone and forget about it.


Oh Olivia....Here I am again.. I think like you!!.. I would respond even if I wasn't interested.. because I am considerate like that... I don't like to leave anyone hanging... I appreciate when others give me that courtesy .. the only way I wouldn't -is if I feared the guy was dangerous or a stalker type.. some sort of fear behind it.. Women do need to be careful. 

The world we live in today can be brutal.. people are not kind.. it has to be difficult to be rejected over & over.. just best to involve yourself around those who show some interest in you... if you go fishing.. don't bother with those who don't bite.. I'd only put in 1 line.. not even try to fish for a second. 

Many women are too passive to really speak how they feel.. so they leave a man hanging in thin air.. I don't think it's right.. but it's very common. There is a name now for going on a date, or dating for months even.... the woman or man may put on some act like they had a good time, it's been fun.. Then they turn around and "GHOST" the other.. I think it's rude as hell personally.. 

But hey.. that's just me. 'Ghosting:' The 21st-Century Dating Problem Everyone Talks About, But No One Knows How To Deal With


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

I agree @OliviaG and @SimplyAmorous I think it was rude not to respond at all. All she needed to say was "That's very sweet, I'm flattered but I'm seeing someone/not interested/against work policy..." whatever.

With so many ways to communicate these days there really is no excuse. I find it such a shame that so many people, and it's not just the young teens, are out on dates and heads down checking their phones! It blows my mind! Hello, there's a person sitting across the table from you...


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Perhaps the blood red text was the reason for the no response. Lol

Yeah, it was rude but there's lots of females out there. Find one that jumps at the chance at a date with you, or don't date her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LostinMO (Jan 1, 2016)

*I woke up today and she actually responded. She was very busy and was giving it some thought because she values our friendship. She said she was flattered but her answer was no.

I told her it was all good and she even asked if we were still good. I said of course. So, not the answer I hoped for but at least she got back to me. *


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

So in reality the friendship is over?


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## LostinMO (Jan 1, 2016)

blueinbr said:


> So in reality the friendship is over?


*Not as far as I am concerned. Why would it be?*


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## Tortdog (May 2, 2016)

How about never ask if a woman "maybe" would like to go out. Either ask her or don't.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Rule of thumb: Never ask or make insinuations for a date much less even propose marriage on the instantaneous publicity of FB. 

That is just eggregiously bad protocol!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

arbitrator said:


> *Rule of thumb: Never ask or make insinuations for a date much less even propose marriage on the instantaneous publicity of FB.
> 
> That is just eggregiously bad protocol!*
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Totally agree with this, but... the times they are a changin' (as they've always done).

The ways in which people meet, relationships start, marriage is proposed, etc. have changed numerous times in the last 100 years alone.

In 25 years, the people who grew up in this generation of dating (and breaking up) through text messages and Facebook won't understand their children's methods for doing the same. They'll be telling their kids that the "proper" way to ask a woman out is through texting, and it's rude to do it any other way 

I had a three year relationship end over the phone once, when I was younger. These days, that's probably considered going above and beyond...


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## LostinMO (Jan 1, 2016)

arbitrator said:


> *Rule of thumb: Never ask or make insinuations for a date much less even propose marriage on the instantaneous publicity of FB.
> 
> That is just eggregiously bad protocol!*
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


*I have previously explained why I used FB. It was either use what might not be considered "proper" or perhaps not ask at all. Right or wrong, I chose to ask.*


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