# Ring is off



## Visual (Apr 12, 2013)

As my protest to my sexless marriage. I took off my ring and have not wear it for a while now. She finally noticed last week. Am I going overboard with this? The only reason I am still marriage because of my kids.


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## MissScarlett (May 22, 2013)

Your kids will get over a divorce. It's hardly uncommon these days. You, on the other hand, only have one life to have sex. When your wife noticed you weren't wearing your ring did you tell her why?


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Taking off my ring marked he beginning of my turn around.


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

No I don't think you're going overboard. What did she say when she didn't see your ring?


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## Pinkpetal (Jan 2, 2014)

Removing your ring is symbolic of disconnecting. So your wife noticed last week, but you're here today, so obviously nothing has changed since. 

I'll ask the same question that soccermom has. What was your wife's reaction?


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

Removing your ring is passive aggressive and does absolutely nothing without a discussion explaining why you did it directly.

Also,if you're only in the marriage bc of your kids it's really no surprise why any efforts you make fall flat. She isn't stupid and probably knows the only reason you stick around is bc of children.


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## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

ScarletBegonias said:


> Removing your ring is passive aggressive and does absolutely nothing without a discussion explaining why you did it directly.


I don't know. If he has had conversations about the issue and marriage before, I don't see this as that bad, as long as he is clear when she asks him about it. 



> Also,if you're only in the marriage bc of your kids it's really no surprise why any efforts you make fall flat. She isn't stupid and probably knows the only reason you stick around is bc of children.


I agree with this. She knows you are committed to the marriage, but not her. So why should she change? There is no reason to do so - you are not leaving, and there is no love between you two.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

I'm starting to believe the whole sexless or low drive spouce thing in the vast majority of cases because they just arn't that into you. And making a change is just to hard and scarry for them to make. or the loss of what they have is worse than staying in a relationship with someone they don't desire.

It dosen't matter why they arn't into you and they might not even know themselves. 


if you really want to drive your point home tell her your going to pawn your ring because it means absoluty nothing to you anymore and unless things change your out of there. then keep your word if things don't change.

BUT..........I got to ask . do you even want it if you have to be a bully about getting reasonable sex from your wife?

I mean now at my age(47) I do not want sex with someone who doesn't desire me and put effort into keeping their man happy.

which means If I want a blow job they should be like sure and if I want or sugest anything with in reason it should be the same.

I can't even enjoy sex/lovemaking with someone who doesn't care what I like.

so in reality I think your pi$$ing in the wind and eventually your will feel the same. 


just cut your losses and move on .


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## usmarriedguy (Dec 9, 2013)

If it has gotten to this point than she probably does not really care one way or the other. I do not wear a ring because it irritates my finger for some reason. 

Why would she care if all she wants is someone to do half the work of raising kids?


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

We never bought wedding rings and there was no impact, 25 good years or 5 bad...


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## Pault (Aug 15, 2012)

If the marridge is sexless and she does not provide any reasonale reason - in my book thats a provien health issue then start making a life for yourself. Start by taking the kids off without her, do thinks with friends without her DONT seek sex elsewhere or she'll have you for that. By all means leave off the ring and make it clear visually that you have and expect her to question it. When she does give her the talk about sex inside marridge, sharing together and all the other Oath type things that go with being married. If you get the "theres more to love than sex" fire back "ok , that means its ok for me to have sex with someone else as it doesnt matter". That seems to be a real punch in the gut when used.
But, as stated she needs to knwo what her hang up is causein


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## bestyet2be (Jul 28, 2013)

chillymorn said:


> BUT..........I got to ask . do you even want it if you have to be a bully about getting reasonable sex from your wife?
> ....
> just cut your losses and move on .


Well unless you accept the new schoolyard definition of "bullying" as "any unkind thing someone might say or do" (I do not) I don't see how this is "bullying."

If his response was violent, or a threat of violence or destruction, I'd agree. And most people are pretty reluctant to easily give up on their marriages, no? I assume he's mentioned the problem once or twice (yeah, perhaps a bit more: sarcasm intended).

Unless there's some brilliant, non-violent, non-marriage ending, alternative that he hasn't already tried, taking the ring off sounds like a rational response. *HOWEVER, almost no one ever responds to "threats" well!!!* Taking off the ring feels like a "threat" to end the marriage. I'd suggest keeping the ring on and doing something else to denote loss or mourning. A black arm band seems a little cheezy, though I toyed with this general idea (didn't actually do it) during one of our droughts.

EDIT: If I'd suggested you change the words "a bully" to "threatening" my response would have been cleaner...well not re-drafting it...hope I'm clear enough....


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

I wish he would come back and let us know how he's doing.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

I've been on the other side of this, with a wife who stopped wearing her rings. She decided she was out of the marriage, but wouldn't end the marriage for another 5 years when our youngest graduated high school.

To me, when she went out without her rings, it was a symbol of being single. She was signaling she was not married. This is a very damaging and dangerous message to send your spouse.


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## BURNT KEP (Oct 3, 2012)

Thor said:


> I've been on the other side of this, with a wife who stopped wearing her rings. She decided she was out of the marriage, but wouldn't end the marriage for another 5 years when our youngest graduated high school.
> 
> To me, when she went out without her rings, it was a symbol of being single. She was signaling she was not married. This is a very damaging and dangerous message to send your spouse.


Very true but so is a lack of intimacy.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

BURNT KEP said:


> Very true but so is a lack of intimacy.


It's a very disrespectful and bad sign.


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## committed_guy (Nov 22, 2011)




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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

Taking off the ring is just another issue to deal with. Lack of sex is a symptom of something else off the rails and ring or none isn't going to do a damn thing for the relationship.

He needs to have a frank discussion of his needs and her needs and be sure he is meeting hers. If he is and she can't meet his (within reason), divorce should be on the table to discuss since a one-sided marriage can't work.


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