# young, sexless marriage.



## MrsDoubtfire (Jun 24, 2012)

Hi I am 28 and my husband is 32 and we have no children.We love each other and I have never loved anyone as much as I love him. we have been married 3 years and have not had sex for six months now. I have spoken to him about it and he does not deal well with confrontations. Before the sex stopped, he had stopped passionate kissing and just kisses me on the lips. He shows me affection by holding hands and hugs all the time but the sexlife is dead. The problem started about two years ago when we started having sex once a month . I always try and touch him sexually and he turns away or says he is tired. Even if he gets an erection he, does not want to have sex with me. I eventually stopped trying everyday because it hurts me to be turned down all the time.

I found his wedding ring in a box under the bed and when I asked why he was not wearing it, he told me he had not been wearing it for weeks because it was uncomfortable. As I was hurt,I asked about the lack of sex as it had been 4 months at the time. He said he did not enjoy sex with me and did not enjoy kissing me. I then asked iwhy marry someone if you do not enjoy kissing them. He said he loved me but he just did not enjoy kissing me and did not want to hurt my feelings, so never told me and married me. He also said ,sex with me takes too long coz I want foreplay .he wants to have sex his way, without foreplay, i agreed to do it his way but there is still no action. 
I recently touched him and when he was turned on, i offered oral sex and he accepted the offer but made it clear he did not want to have sex with me.Afterwards he told me he loved me and went to bed and I was so upset, I started looking for an answer online and chatted to a guy in a similar situation. I have been emailing this man for 2 weeks and have exchanged pictures and started txting sweet nothings to each other. I feel sexy and desired but i do not want to hurt my husband. i think i could sleep with this man because i have a strong desire to do so, thank God he lives in another city. What can I do to ?


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## happylovingwife (Jun 5, 2012)

Do you really need to ask what you can do? You NEED to leave him. Clearly, he's not into you. I really don't see it changing unless you can do something to make yourself more sexually appealing to him. I don't see why you would want to do that though....He's not interested in foreplay??? WTH? That's selfish and rather infuriating for me as a woman. He just wants to get his rocks off and leave you. No man who loved his wife would ever even think of doing that. Look at all the men on this site who are dying to perform oral on their women and are constantly looking for ways to make their wives orgasm. You need to get out while you are young and have no kids.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Your husband needs a wake up call. Are you 100% sure he's not cheating?


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## Jibril (May 23, 2012)

Stop fooling around with another man. If you want to start a proper relationship, then do so, but do it legit - divorce your husband.

There could be any number of reasons for why your husband doesn't want sex. I'm not going to list them, because I don't think it matters all that much. Quite simply, it doesn't sound like he's attracted to you. And his reason for marrying you makes _no damn sense._

Leave the marriage. You're _plenty_ young, and it's obvious you have no trouble attracting someone else to you. 

Just divorce him.


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## MrsDoubtfire (Jun 24, 2012)

I have not seen anything to suggest he is cheating. I consider myself attractive and get that vibe from other women friends and cannot think of another way to make myself appealing.


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## MrsDoubtfire (Jun 24, 2012)

Jibril said:


> Stop fooling around with another man. If you want to start a proper relationship, then do so, but do it legit - divorce your husband.
> 
> There could be any number of reasons for why your husband doesn't want sex. I'm not going to list them, because I don't think it matters all that much. Quite simply, it doesn't sound like he's attracted to you. And his reason for marrying you makes _no damn sense._
> 
> ...



What I meant was that he said he never enjoyed the way I kissed him but never wanted to offend me . that is not the reason why he married me. as for talking to this man, we speak mostly about my marriage and just over the past 2 days,have we started txting about romantic txts.ie. i missed you today. , its not sexual but is inappropriate,I know. i do feel noticed as a woman .


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## MrsDoubtfire (Jun 24, 2012)

Do you all think I should leave? Can anyone see another way to solve this problem.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

I don't think you have to leave. But I think you have to be willing to in order to wake him up to the fact it's a serious issue.


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## *LittleDeer* (Apr 19, 2012)

Somethong is wrong with your husband. For starters he is really hurting you and doesn't seem to care. You are being a door mat to him too, please stop it because you deserve better.
He is either cheating, addicted to porn, has health issues or something along those lines. I don't think it's health issues given that he gets erections.
I would say he is mentally unhealthy, and what he is doing is a form of abuse. You do deserve to feel sexy and desired and loved.
You are young, please leave and start a new life with someone who loves you and cares about you as well as themselves.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## iloveairplanes (Jun 21, 2012)

This is a little weird because men aren't wired to respond like that....there are many reasons why women would respond like that, but not men.

I would suggest first spending a lot of time with him to make sure he is not showing interest in OTHER women or having an affair. Ask us if you need help with that. THEN I would be VERY direct (men are good with direct) and let him know that you are concerned about him and you love him and want to make sure things are ok. Ask him what he finds attractive about you and tell him that you'd like to make special time this evening to let him show you what he would like in a sexual relationship....let him know he can be completely comfortable being himself and that you won't criticize him or make him feel bad about his preferences. Hopefully he will take you up on that offer and let us know how it goes.


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## mina (Jun 14, 2012)

yeah, he is either cheating or gay.


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

The fact he took his wedding ring off on top of the fact he doesnt want sex with you even though he doesnt have a any physical problem sounds like to me their is a high chance he cheating.but either way it to me sounds like "fraud" in the sense he knew he wasnt attracted to you before you married and led you on to beleive he did ..I mean would you have agreed to marry him had he said "I dont enjoy kissign you ..I dont enjoy sex with you unless you give up foreplay and I'll just let you give me oral" and that will only be every six months?

I would offer him to go to cousneling just to make sure its not something hes not telling that hes willing to work on it other than that I believe he committed fraud and you arent tied to your vows..

Dallas


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## KanDo (Jun 15, 2011)

Young, attractive, no kids.... Get out. You have tried the direct attack . Time for the retreat.

Sorry you are here. Life is too short for this nonsense.


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## Knoxvillekelly (Mar 17, 2012)

breaks my heart when I read post like this


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## lifeisnotsogood (Jun 11, 2012)

Do you ever get the feeling your husband may be gay and not ready to come out of the closet? If he is, that would explain the lack of sex and the reason he married you. He probably does love you but may not be sexually attracted to you.

I would not feel bad about your exchange of emails and texting to this other guy. He drove you to that, but you should not take the next step until you give your husband an ultimatum about the sex issue, whether it be counseling or anything else.

I'm sorry for your situation and I feel your pain. I'm in a similar situation with my wife.


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## lifeisnotsogood (Jun 11, 2012)

However she is not gay...i don't think.


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## MrsDoubtfire (Jun 24, 2012)

Thank you all for you advice and private messages. I have succeded in actually seducing my husband but it only twice since I posted. both instances required me to initiate and obviously skip the kissing with tongues. On other attempts to get my husband to make love, he told me i was not behaving very ladylike and he did not expect such behaviour from me. He seems to be living in a bubble where our life is perfect and we are both happy. I do not know how to get it into his head that im seriously unhappy,beneath the smiles he gets everyday. Talking about the issues just gets him upset and he often tells me how Ive ruined his day or weekend by complaining and I often end up apologising. But nothing changes.


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

> he told me i was not behaving very ladylike and he did not expect such behaviour from me


Madonna/wh0re complex. You are now his wife, not sexual thoughts worthy.
He's also very selfish. Better think if this marriage is going to be fullfilling for you. With years things only get worse (I'm projecting here, obviously).

By the way. Stop that online thing ASAP, deal with your marriage or divorce.


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## *LittleDeer* (Apr 19, 2012)

You apologise ???? Seriously, wow. He treats you terribly. Stop trying to seduce him and move on, you will be so much happier. Do not fool yourself into thinking you will not find any one else or that it's too hard. Stop seeing him for the man you think he can be or the future you thought you had with him, he's not that guy. If you stay you will be miserable. Also go to individual counseling, learn more about yourself and stop being a doormat please.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mr Blunt (Jul 18, 2012)

Think long and hard about your words then approach your husband in as sweet as a manner that you know how. Tell him softly but firmly and bluntly that you want him for the rest of your life but that his rejection of you regarding sex is killing you. Tell him that there has to be some improvement in the sex area or something terrible will happen in the marriage. If he asks what will happen tell him that the marriage will deteriorate in a very substantial way such as bitterness, resentment, depression or an affair.

Try everything, give it 100%, and maybe he will be shaken up enough to do something to fix his problem as he does definitely have a problem. No excuse is good enough for having sex once in four months. This man is 32 and healthy. He should be all over you at least three times a week. If all else fails leave him for a few months. If all fails then make a plan to get yourself strong enough to leave him for good. You are too young too be rejected for sex. If you were in your 80s or 90s then OK I can maybe see once in 4 months.

Your husband has violated your marriage and needs to get better. You do not want to wind up bitter, resentful, depressed, and feel cheated for the next 50 years. If he will not try to get better then leave and find someone else before you get trapped in a marriage that has you so beaten down that you cannot leave. DO NOT HAVE CHILDEN with him until you get this problem substantially improved. If you have to leave him you will get over it as millions of others have


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