# Disappointment on Valentine's Day.



## Kahlil Gibran (Jan 27, 2014)

Me: bought roses/baby’s breath arrangement and chocolates. Had them on the kitchen table for when she came down in the morning. Arranged and bought tickets for a Valentine's Day wine and chocolate tour at the Conservatory. It was extremely nice and she said it was wonderful. 

Her for me: nothing. 

In the future, should I just stop trying and save myself the disappointment and hurt feelings?


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## JukeboxHero (Mar 3, 2015)

Kahlil Gibran said:


> Me: bought roses/baby’s breath arrangement and chocolates. Had them on the kitchen table for when she came down in the morning. Arranged and bought tickets for a Valentine's Day wine and chocolate tour at the Conservatory. It was extremely nice and she said it was wonderful.
> 
> Her for me: nothing.
> 
> In the future, should I just stop trying and save myself the disappointment and hurt feelings?


Don't you know? 

V-day is all about "HER", making "HER" happy!! As is your engagement, your anniversary, sweetest day, her B-day, Christmas, etc.

If you're lucky, you get something on your B-day and Christmas.

or at least, that's what the commercialized industry would like us to believe. 

How long have you guys been together? Are you married?


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Have you always spoiled her and rarely got anything in return? 

It would be a wonderful world if, when we're treated good, something in us just WANTS to give back.. to seek out what would make the other happy... sorry for your day..


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Did she know you expect something?

I ask, because I know my husband does not expect anything, not on his birthday or Christmas, either. No resentment whatsoever. 

We are not all the same.


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

I don't know too any men who expect something or get anything on Valentine's day. This is normally, as someone else said, about her.


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## CatJayBird (Oct 5, 2015)

Kahlil Gibran said:


> Me: bought roses/baby’s breath arrangement and chocolates. Had them on the kitchen table for when she came down in the morning. Arranged and bought tickets for a Valentine's Day wine and chocolate tour at the Conservatory. It was extremely nice and she said it was wonderful.
> 
> Her for me: nothing.
> 
> In the future, should I just stop trying and save myself the disappointment and hurt feelings?


Do a 180 on the gifts. I am a gifts person and I LOVE giving. Holiday after holiday I was becoming more and more hurt with not getting anything....I wasn't feeling loved. I had come to a point where I was less hurt because I had come to understand that I just wasn't going to get anything...EVER. I had a big birthday come and go with nothing. So I stopped giving and boy did he notice and was all butthurt....

Many, many counseling sessions later he has come to realize that to me gifts means love. While it has slowly gotten better, I still have a hard time with not expecting anything.

Good luck. Communication is key. Don't let anyone make you feel guilty because you would like to receive a gift.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

manfromlamancha said:


> I don't know too any men who expect something or get anything on Valentine's day. This is normally, as someone else said, about her.


I disagree..the great majority would be thrilled with the offer of a BJ..at the very least.. 

Stupid material gifts.. you are right... the majority of men could care less... including my husband.. 

But it sure means "something" that I show I care about his happiness too. I see Valentines day for both... not just the woman.


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## Phil Anders (Jun 24, 2015)

OP, are you put out simply because you didn't get reciprocity on V Day? Or is this the last straw in a larger pattern of what you perceive as selfishness on her part? Are birthdays and Xmas subject to the same imbalance? Does she show consideration for you in other ways (sex/physical affection, compliments, affirmation, doing special or useful things for you)?


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## Kahlil Gibran (Jan 27, 2014)

jld said:


> Did she know you expect something?
> 
> I ask, because I know my husband does not expect anything, not on his birthday or Christmas, either. No resentment whatsoever.
> 
> We are not all the same.


Conversely, does he not get you anything or do anything for you on special occasions?


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

SimplyAmorous said:


> I disagree..the great majority would be thrilled with the offer of a BJ..at the very least..
> 
> Stupid material gifts.. you are right... the majority of men could care less... including my husband..
> 
> But it sure means "something" that I show I care about his happiness too. I see Valentines day for both... not just the woman.


Oh! OK, in that case we celebrate Valentines day every Wednesday and Friday and twice on Sunday!


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## Luvher4life (Jan 15, 2016)

I've always thought Valentine's Day was about HER. I had always bought my wife and two daughters cards, chocolates, and stuffed animals/balloons until this year. My wife and daughters told me not to. I still bought them a chocolate chip "I love you!" heart-shaped cake. They were thrilled.

I have a wonderful wife who is extremely practical, and doesn't like to be lavished with gifts. I love my wife!


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

Well your the Prophet I thought if anyone you would have seen that coming, it would be you......sorry, i couldn't let that one go.
But i have been there and done that...and i agree with the others its not about you...but it does say a lot about how she feels about your relationship


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Kahlil Gibran said:


> Conversely, does he not get you anything or do anything for you on special occasions?


He usually takes me out for dinner. He did that Sat. night. And it was his idea--I did not say it first. That made it feel special to me, that it was his idea. 

Yesterday morning he said Happy VD to me. The unprompted dinner and the greeting were the "gifts." 

I wanted a love letter. When I mentioned it last evening, he said he thought about it, but "it did not happen." I pointed that out and he shrugged his shoulders. But working on his bike "happened," and watching TV "happened."

You take what you can get, you know? Some years he has forgotten completely.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

manfromlamancha said:


> Oh! OK, in that case we celebrate Valentines day every Wednesday and Friday and twice on Sunday!


We celebrate an awful lot too! Valentines is just another day- really... We didn't do much of anything yesterday, he worked..

I cared more about our sons doing for their Girlfriends... and it's sweet to see the girl bring a card, some cookies for him too. I was sure to bring out the camera...memories & all that..









All I did was leave a FB post dedicated to my Husband, how he's put up with me for the last 34 yrs.. he enjoyed that..


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## karole (Jun 30, 2010)

My husband and I made dinner (he cooked the steaks and I cooked everything else) and exchanged cards. That's about it for Valentine's Day. Just getting to spend the day together was celebration enough.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Luvher4life said:


> I've always thought Valentine's Day was about HER. I had always bought my wife and two daughters cards, chocolates, and stuffed animals/balloons until this year. My wife and daughters told me not to. I still bought them a chocolate chip "I love you!" heart-shaped cake. They were thrilled.
> 
> I have a wonderful wife who is extremely practical, and doesn't like to be lavished with gifts. I love my wife!


I think it would be great if all men thought LIKE this.. lovely post...but hmmm.. I guess I am a feminist on this one...all about equality...wives should bring something too. 

I just feel it's a day to celebrate LOVE .. togetherness.... that you are thankful for each other.. what you BOTH brought to each others lives... why should the woman suck it all up...


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

karole said:


> My husband and I made dinner (he cooked the steaks and I cooked everything else) and exchanged cards. That's about it for Valentine's Day. Just getting to spend the day together was celebration enough.


Totally agree. If Dug dropped over dead, I certainly would not care what gifts he ever gave me. Being with him is a gift. And I too often take that for granted.


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## sh987 (Oct 10, 2013)

I have to admit that I never expect anything for Valentine's Day. Not because my wife isn't giving, but because I don't really place much importance on the occasion in terms of me receiving. As it is, my wife asked that, whatever I give her, not to spend much, because she doesn't really want *things* these days. For the last few months, she's been donating clothes, books, and whatever else you can think of. Buying something that she will like and appreciate, but will have to warehouse, wasn't the way to go. In the end, I took her to one of the local lookouts, which has a great view of the city, the ocean, and the mountains just across the way in Washington, and I read a poem to her. That she loved.

And for me? When I woke up, she was downstairs making muffins and bacon/eggs. It's pretty awesome, because cooking isn't something she generally does. I wasn't expecting it, but sure liked it.


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## Kivlor (Oct 27, 2015)

Kahlil Gibran said:


> Me: bought roses/baby’s breath arrangement and chocolates. Had them on the kitchen table for when she came down in the morning. Arranged and bought tickets for a Valentine's Day wine and chocolate tour at the Conservatory. It was extremely nice and she said it was wonderful.
> 
> Her for me: nothing.
> 
> In the future, should I just stop trying and save myself the disappointment and hurt feelings?


There's that part of us that always wants reciprocity. It shows that our gifts aren't taken for granted, that our love is returned... Who doesn't want that? With that in mind, I can see why it would upset you that she did nothing in return...

But think for a moment from a different perspective: Is it really a gift if you expect something in return? Is it more akin to a loan? A trade? A gift is given freely, with no expectation of repayment.... When I catch myself feeling like you are, I think on this quote from my favorite book:



> One man, when he has done a service to another, is ready to set it down to his account as a favour conferred. Another is not ready to do this, but still in his own mind he thinks of the man as his debtor, and he knows what he has done. A third in a manner does not even know what he has done, but he is like a vine which has produced grapes, and seeks for nothing more after it has once produced its proper fruit. As a horse when he has run, a dog when he has tracked the game, a bee when it has made the honey, so a man when he has done a good act, does not call out for others to come and see, but he goes on to another act, as a vine goes on to produce again the grapes in season.
> - Must a man then be one of these, who in a manner act thus without observing it?
> - Yes.
> - But this very thing is necessary, the observation of what a man is doing: for, it may be said, it is characteristic of the social animal to perceive that he is working in a social manner, and indeed to wish that his social partner also should perceive it.
> - It is true what thou sayest, but thou dost not rightly understand what is now said: and for this reason thou wilt become one of those of whom I spoke before, for even they are misled by a certain show of reason. But if thou wilt choose to understand the meaning of what is said, do not fear that for this reason thou wilt omit any social act.


In other words, do good things because it is good to do them; not because you expect something in return. It will lessen the frustration you feel with others when they do not reciprocate, and when they do, it will heighten your joy at the gifts they give to you.


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## Aspydad (Oct 17, 2013)

I have told my wife that I do not expect anything for Valentines except for her to be my date. I took her out to lunch on Saturday - tried a new place and she really liked it. Where I live, you have to plan more than a month in advance to get a reservation at any of the nice restaurants at night - since Valentines was on a Sunday - both Saturday and Sunday nights were booked this year. My daughter made out and had two babysitting gigs - one Saturday and the other Sunday.

A couple of years ago, I went to Hallmark to buy my yearly Valentines card - and the one I liked was around 7 dollars - and I just could NOT do it - I felt like it was such a rip off. So I bought her flowers and wrote a hand written note instead - so that's what I do each year now. The flowers are nice to use as a center piece on our dining room table and we do cook a special dinner on Valentines each year - with a nice desert - Dark Chocolate Dove Bars. So really, all I missed out on is a card (that I think is a ripoff) and a gift - which again, I don't need anything so would be a waste of money. We both enjoy the flowers and nice meals so we both made out this year.


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## Luvher4life (Jan 15, 2016)

SimplyAmorous said:


> I think it would be great if all men thought LIKE this.. lovely post...but hmmm.. I guess I am a feminist on this one...all about equality...wives should bring something too.
> 
> I just feel it's a day to celebrate LOVE .. togetherness.... that you are thankful for each other.. what you BOTH brought to each others lives... why should the woman suck it all up...


I never have expected anything on Valentine's Day. My wife does things for me EVERY day, and that makes me thankful. I am truly BLESSED! Words can't express how much love she shows for me throughout the year. Valentine's Day is just another day on my end.

By the way, I text her regularly during the day, and sometimes I just text to say how much she means to me, how beautiful she is, how sexy she is, how much I love her, etc. This one day is not really anymore special than every other day I spend with her.

Thanks to a lot of the posters on TAM, things have gotten even better lately. I'm thankful for the TAM community and all of their wisdom. It's great to see other people's experiences are not that different from my own. It also helped me to realize that I already have an absolutely wonderful wife, and to not take that for granted. As great as our marriage is, we still work to make it even better.


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

Maybe she's waiting to give you a Presidents' Day BJ...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

By reading all these posts... I ought to be pi$$ed at my husband.. he basically didn't do anything for me.. no plans.. just a "Happy V- day and a kiss" before he went to work....and oh. he replied a sentence to my FB post later that night...

All the husband's here planned a nice dinner out to eat (my husband never does this.. it's me who decides to go out)....he's not one for surprises.. . some flowers (I told him a long time ago to not waste his money)....I guess I got gypped....

In reality... I was far more thoughtful over him... shame on him [email protected]# No... I am not really upset .. just saying..


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## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

Look at the history of your relationship, are you always giving and never receiving? Or did she just not give you anything this time? And if so what has been going recently in the marriage? 

For us gift giving and fancy declarations are not our things. We like to do things that give us time together and that shows we are thinking of each other. 

We don't do gift giving for Valatines day anymore, we give cards. This year was too cold, so we were too lazy to go out and buy cards. So no cards. I got lots of kisses. You see I made an amazing dinner on Saturday night, my H is stills loving up on me for that. 

Sunday we spent in bed watching tv, holding hands and snuggling and begging our D to leave us alone. She is away at school and she wants a run down of our day, all day long. She was bored, we were her entertainment.

So, it's all in how you handle it. You can either put it behind you and enjoy the day. Or let resent grow and ruin everything.


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

Sometimes you have to be grateful that he lets you choose where to eat - it could be disastrous otherwise.

And I am a strong feminist too (and occasional lesbian).


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## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

SimplyAmorous said:


> By reading all these posts... I ought to be pi$$ed at my husband.. he basically didn't do anything for me.. no plans.. just a "Happy V- day and a kiss" before he went to work....and oh. he replied a sentence to my FB post later that night...
> 
> All the husband's here planned a nice dinner out to eat (my husband never does this.. it's me who decides to go out)....he's not one for surprises.. . some flowers (I told him a long time ago to not waste his money)....I guess I got gypped....
> 
> In reality... I was far more thoughtful over him... shame on him [email protected]# No... I am not really upset .. just saying..


Don't feel too bad SA, I am in the same boat as you. Don't get too upset with him. He sounds like a great guy. Just the men on TAM knows their stuff and are well prepared.>


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## Sun Catcher (Dec 6, 2013)

Our anniversary is a few days befor V day and we each gave each other a card in the morning. I cooked him his favorite meal that day and I got a great massage. We don't do V day and as he told his mother when she called, oh, everyday is V day for us, we show each other everyday how important we are to one another and how much we are loved. 

Don't celebrate something like LOVE once a year, it needs to be celebrated daily.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

brooklynAnn said:


> Don't feel too bad SA, I am in the same boat as you. Don't get too upset with him. He sounds like a great guy. Just the men on TAM knows their stuff and are well prepared.>


I'm the more prepared one...the more creative one.. the one who plans, writes mushy cards.. he's spoiled by ME here... but he spoiles me in other ways I greatly appreciate... so yeah. I wont go knock him out ... 

Then add this to how vocal I've been about not caring about gifts.. he did it while dating though.. I have probably shot myself in the foot a long long time ago.. 

He's wonderful in all those "little ways" every single day.. his time, attention.. and affection.... this is true..









And yeah.. this is what really matters..


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

My wife tells me the best gift I have given her was to become a feminist (I have 3 daughters and a female Jack Russell too)!


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## JukeboxHero (Mar 3, 2015)

CatJayBird said:


> Do a 180 on the gifts. I am a gifts person and I LOVE giving. Holiday after holiday I was becoming more and more hurt with not getting anything....I wasn't feeling loved. I had come to a point where I was less hurt because I had come to understand that I just wasn't going to get anything...EVER. I had a big birthday come and go with nothing. So I stopped giving and boy did he notice and was all butthurt....
> 
> Many, many counseling sessions later he has come to realize that to me gifts means love. While it has slowly gotten better, I still have a hard time with not expecting anything.
> 
> Good luck. Communication is key. Don't let anyone make you feel guilty because you would like to receive a gift.


Wait, wait, wait.. 

So, you BOUGHT him gifts for all the special occasions (V-day? Anniversaries?) and he DIDN'T get you ANYTHING? Not even on your B-day?

That's crazy. I've never heard of that happening with a woman. IMHO, It seems "expected" or "Accepted" that women typically get more gifts, services, favors on "special occasions" than men. I'd never heard of one where it was the other way around.


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## Celes (Apr 28, 2015)

JukeboxHero said:


> Don't you know?
> 
> V-day is all about "HER", making "HER" happy!! As is your engagement, your anniversary, sweetest day, her B-day, Christmas, etc.
> 
> ...


I must be doing it wrong then. I got him a card and a gift card to his favorite store. We usually go out for dinner but this time I made us an amazing dinner and homemade dessert. 

I got... Nothing. Not even a card. I am pretty disappointed since he usually at least gets me a card or flowers. He's not the romantic type, but Valentine's Day is usually the only day where he will try.


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## CatJayBird (Oct 5, 2015)

JukeboxHero said:


> Wait, wait, wait..
> 
> So, you BOUGHT him gifts for all the special occasions (V-day? Anniversaries?) and he DIDN'T get you ANYTHING? Not even on your B-day?
> 
> That's crazy. I've never heard of that happening with a woman. IMHO, It seems "expected" or "Accepted" that women typically get more gifts, services, favors on "special occasions" than men. I'd never heard of one where it was the other way around.


Yep...You read that right... #lame


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Valentines day is a chick day, just like Mother's Day, just like wedding anniversaries, just like baby showers. Its a chance to buy new dresses, get bling, get cards, get chocolate... All for the women. 

So act like a guy and ignore it. Don't be a pansy.


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## Kahlil Gibran (Jan 27, 2014)

bandit.45 said:


> Valentines day is a chick day, just like Mother's Day, just like wedding anniversaries, just like baby showers. Its a chance to buy new dresses, get bling, get cards, get chocolate... All for the women.
> 
> So act like a guy and ignore it. Don't be a pansy.


It’s been awhile since I’ve been to this site. With over 13,000 posts, are you always this helpful?


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## MarriedTex (Sep 24, 2010)

Kahlil,

Tell us a bit more about your situation. That should help the board provide advice in context.

What I have found in my own experience is that I place more emphasis on the effort poured into Birthdays, Xmas, Anniversaries etc. when I was being overlooked - or taken granted - by my partner on a regular, day-to-day basis. 

That is why you have such a wide array of responses to your question. Those who do get some acknowledgement on a regular basis do not live in an attention / kindness desert. They don't have empathy on why people stuck in some relationships put such stock in the effort partner puts in on special occasions. It's like asking the guy in the desert why he's making such a fuss over getting a glass of ice cold water. They have water flowing out of the tap, so they can't conceive why that water should be so important to the guy in the desert. 

When partner overlooks you on a regular basis, the special occasions become the time when they can at least follow a cookie cutter model to show they care. For some people, it's really the only acknowledgement they get from their partners all year. When a partner can't even put in the minimal effort for even cookie-cutter TLC, it makes the forgotten spouse feel lower than low.

So, tell us about the rest of your relationship. My hunch is that more is going on - or more is troubling you - than the Valentine's Day issue.


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## Kivlor (Oct 27, 2015)

Kahlil Gibran said:


> It’s been awhile since I’ve been to this site. With over 13,000 posts, are you always this helpful?


Bandit's sayin you should just ask her what she's planning to do for you on March 14th.


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## nirvana (Jul 2, 2012)

SimplyAmorous said:


> I disagree..the great majority would be thrilled with the offer of a BJ..at the very least..
> 
> Stupid material gifts.. you are right... the majority of men could care less... including my husband..
> 
> But it sure means "something" that I show I care about his happiness too. I see Valentines day for both... not just the woman.


Simply is simply right!
My wife is a gifts person and I am absolutely not. I don't like cards either, my kids made me a birthday card that they drew themselves and I loved those. Not store bought. 
We like gifts but those gifts are not the ones women think of. Our gifts are hugs, kisses, sex and bjs.


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## Kahlil Gibran (Jan 27, 2014)

MarriedTex said:


> Kahlil,
> 
> Tell us a bit more about your situation. That should help the board provide advice in context.
> 
> ...


I think you hit the nail on the head. Sadly, here is a thread I posted two years ago. Not a whole lot has changed except one kid is now in college.
http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general-relationship-discussion/183329-i-am-complete-non-priority-my-spouse.html

And my post on page 2 of this thread.
http://talkaboutmarriage.com/mens-clubhouse/274882-do-you-get-depressed-fathers-day-2.html


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Couples decide which days are Special Occasions for the couple. If one person is into Valentine's day then the other one better be, too. Same with wedding anniversaries etc. It saves a lot of hurt feelings. There isn't a married person alive who can't be bothered to remember a few days out of the year and if they are then they are jerks. Period.

I recommend not requesting your gift - it's a gift, right? You don't get to make the call.

As far as love letters, my husband (in the 45 years of togetherness) never wrote me a love letter, per se. Only he did. In all the cards for Valentine's, birthdays, anniversaries, Christmas, May day (wth?) July 4th, Thanksgiving and 'just because', he expressed his love and intentions. Ain't no finer a love letter.


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## GraceG676 (Dec 16, 2015)

Sorry to hear that.
My H got me chocolates rose and a card it was nice and sweet. I didn't because I was trying to do something different we both worked and I got home first than him. I did my makeup put on some long socks a shirt of his. When he got home he didn't give me no attention. I don't go out of my comfort zone and he tells me to do and try new things and when I do (like yesterday) i felt like a stupid ass like if I made a fool out of myself.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

GraceG676 said:


> Sorry to hear that.
> My H got me chocolates rose and a card it was nice and sweet. I didn't because I was trying to do something different we both worked and I got home first than him.* I did my makeup put on some long socks a shirt of his. When he got home he didn't give me no attention. I don't go out of my comfort zone and he tells me to do and try new things and when I do (like yesterday) i felt like a stupid ass like if I made a fool out of myself*.


Your husband really screwed up...so he didn't say anything...did you do a little flirting ...I mean .. how you were dressed should have caught his attention...so this was pushing your comfort zone . ..your attempt at throwing some sexual VIBES his way... a little SUBTLE / inviting.. Yeah he screwed up.. did you talk to him about it all -later on.. did he even notice you were hurt ? 

I'm the more aggressive between us.. I've met him at the door.. pulled him upstairs.. threw him on the bed, jumped on him.. taking his clothes off.. if he rejected that.. well...I'm not sure what I'd do !!! I would be crushed and mad as a hornet at the same time...

This might be pretty hard for you...Actually it would be for my husband to DO this to me.. funny how "opposites attract" often times.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Aspydad said:


> A couple of years ago, I went to Hallmark to buy my yearly Valentines card - and the one I liked was around 7 dollars - and I just could NOT do it - I felt like it was such a rip off. So I bought her flowers and wrote a hand written note instead - so that's what I do each year now.


I promise you she'd much prefer a handwritten note from your heart than a store bought card...far more valuable to her 



SimplyAmorous said:


> By reading all these posts... I ought to be pi$$ed at my husband.. he basically didn't do anything for me.. no plans..


Haha! Neither did mine! We were busy tending to a dear old rescue dog who'd been surrendered in a shocking state. That was our valentine's day, lol.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

manfromlamancha said:


> My wife tells me the best gift I have given her was to become a feminist (I have 3 daughters and a female Jack Russell too)!


Having opposite sex children really does shift one's views.

I have two boys and I think a lot about mens issues, contrary to what some here on TAM might think. 

My father was a little in the sexist side but having three daughters also shifted his views, though he still clung to a rigid notion of what men should handle.

He didn't care what women did, they could do anything they wanted, but certain things were for men to handle. 

Example: when we bought outside lights for the garage I wired them up. I have a degree in physics, I think I know how basic circuits work. 

My father couldn't believe that i, as a woman, had successfully accomplished this. He kept asking me if I'd connected the ground correctly, to which I responded that since the lights work I'd say yes. 

He had to ponder this for a while, it flipped his world around 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

frusdil said:


> *I promise you she'd much prefer a handwritten note from your heart than a store bought card...far more valuable to her *


THIS is how I feel.. heck I have told my husband I'd prefer something scribbled on a napkin over wasting $$ on a card.. but ya know.. writing is just NOT his specialty... 
Though, he's blown me away with some things he's said in a moment looking me in the eyes.. but put a blank card in front of him.. and he's like a deer in the headlights !







.




> *Haha! Neither did mine! We were busy tending to a dear old rescue dog who'd been surrendered in a shocking state. That was our valentine's day, lol*.


 You gave your hearts & Valentines to a special dog in need.. I love that !...


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

lifeistooshort said:


> Having opposite sex children really does shift one's views.
> 
> I have two boys and I think a lot about mens issues, contrary to what some here on TAM might think.
> 
> ...


I actually have a boy and three girls - and all of them have played rugby, studied physics at A Levels, play mean rock guitar amongst their many other skills. They get their confidence also from their mama who is tougher than me and better at doing things in general.

And I couldn't be prouder of them and pity the man who tries to take them down


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

When I was young and starting dating, Cosmo told me that Valentine's Day was for sex and passion and champagne and sexy lingerie. Am I the only one who read those articles? 

Valentine's Day is playful and fun for us. It's not about him giving me expensive gifts, and it's not about me. It's about us. We exchange funny cards, chocolate hearts, and have a delicious meal, whether that's pizza or gourmet locavore. We each pick out a bottle of champagne, because one sometimes isn't enough. He used to hate VDay, but he's a big fan now, lol. 

Like anything else, couples need to communicate about this kind of stuff, and then try to meet each other somewhere in the middle. If one of you is angry or disgruntled about it, seems like it's time to talk about what's going on between you as a couple.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Kahlil Gibran said:


> It’s been awhile since I’ve been to this site. With over 13,000 posts, are you always this helpful?


I treat men like men and women like women. Which way do you want me to treat you?


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## Kahlil Gibran (Jan 27, 2014)

bandit.45 said:


> I treat men like men and women like women. Which way do you want me to treat you?


I try to be polite to both genders for the same reason you are not. It's the way we were raised.


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## Celes (Apr 28, 2015)

Have you ever communicated your disappointment about the lack of gifts to your wife? If you've never told her, then it's possible she just believes you aren't a gift person and are okay with not receiving anything. But if you have told her and she still doesn't get you anything, I'd stop getting her anything.


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## Vinnydee (Jan 4, 2016)

I never get anything from my wife for Valentine's Day. It is more of a day to give the woman gifts and not for the man to receive them. You should not feel bad about it. All I get is a card and never expected or wanted a gift for myself. If I want something, I just buy it at the time I want it. I do not want flowers or candy. I just want my wife to enjoy the day.


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

For Valentines Day I booked tickets to take my husband to a movie he's been dying to see (and me too!). I also bought him a gift (admittedly I was looking for an excuse to get him this particular gift). I didn't get anything but I wasn't surprised and I'm not annoyed. I knew he wouldn't get anything so it didn't worry me.

On the occasion where I did expect a gift and I did expect him to help our kids to get me a gift (on my birthday), and he didn't bother, I was severely p1ssed off. So much so that it's one of those moments that whenever you think about it, it p1sses you off, even years later. It wasn't about the gift, it was my kids coming to me and saying with sad faces, "so sorry we have nothing for you" the DAY AFTER his birthday when the kids excitedly gave him his gifts I'd helped them buy for him. It was the worst fvcking birthday of my life, and I doubt I'll ever not feel angry about that. Rushing out to buy something later that day was like pouring a cup of water on a raging bush fire.

The point is, if you expect something and you don't get it, then it's bad. If you know they are likely to disappoint you, then give them a heads up and save yourself a butt load of aggro.


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## Kahlil Gibran (Jan 27, 2014)

I’ve never claimed I wanted a gift in the form of a retail bought item. A gesture or _anything _would have been nice. Something as simple a batch of my favorite cookies or a bowl of my favorite soup would have made all the difference.


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## joannacroc (Dec 17, 2014)

Yeah, I have to say, it is hurtful when the person you're with doesn't make any gesture on Valentine's Day. Then again, my STBXH used to be quite good about giving me a card and flowers and/or chocolate for V day but he cheated on me. Sometimes you have to be grateful for what you have, you know? Does your wife show you she loves you in other ways?


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

My wife and I didn't get each other anything. We used to do gifts, then just cards, and now we both agree it just isn't worth the trouble. I would rather get my W a gift when she is not expecting vs. some stupid holiday telling me when I am supposed to. However, this is something we discussed and agreed to, so I think you just need to talk to your W about and get on the same page.


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## ihatethis (Oct 17, 2013)

I think it's extremely odd that it's expected that only the woman gets things on special days, including valentine's day. I think it's important to do random surprises, gifts, etc. all year round. I would never imagine to only get my SO something just on his bday or Christmas. That is completely selfish and obscene.


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## sumij (Feb 8, 2016)

I'm sorry you were disappointed. I suggest you be honest with her and communicate your guilt. She might not think you expected anything. If her mother never gave her father anything for Valentine's Day, to her that might be the norm. You won't know until you speak to her. The best relationships are where we can honestly share our feelings with our partner and be heard. Once you have, if she then chooses not to give you presents, you have a decision to make. Being vengeful, or caring hurt and resentment won't do you or the relationship any good. Be honest. You deserve it. 

Best of luck.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Kahlil Gibran said:


> Me: bought roses/baby’s breath arrangement and chocolates. Had them on the kitchen table for when she came down in the morning. Arranged and bought tickets for a Valentine's Day wine and chocolate tour at the Conservatory. It was extremely nice and she said it was wonderful.
> 
> Her for me: nothing.
> 
> In the future, should I just stop trying and save myself the disappointment and hurt feelings?


Nope time to tell her about your expectations for March 14th


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

Wolf1974 said:


> Nope time to tell her about your expectations for March 14th


Haha


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

EllisRedding said:


> Haha


It's funny because I had already bought her flowers. I got her a card and we went to a movie, shopping, then to a steak dinner. We get home that night and she says. so what are we going to do for March 14th we just had steak. I said well we can just have pasta and a bj then......lol we agreed we are off our game for 2016 but I just couldn't do pasta again last week. Had to do the steak so I made a reservation and went with it.

She got me a card which I am fine with


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

Wolf1974 said:


> It's funny because I had already bought her flowers. I got her a card and we went to a movie, shopping, then to a steak dinner. We get home that night and she says. so what are we going to do for March 14th we just had steak. I said well we can just have pasta and a bj then......lol we agreed we are off our game for 2016 but I just couldn't do pasta again last week. Had to do the steak so I made a reservation and went with it.
> 
> She got me a card which I am fine with


There is always room for steak, no matter when you had last. I could have steak with a side of steak (and have actually done this lol).


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Tell her you need her reciprocation (if that's the case) and/or thoughtful gestures. What other ways does she demonstrate her care?

My husband and I don't really celebrate Valentine's Day but we recently had our anniversary. Generally we don't exchange gifts but either or both of us will make plans for our date. We exchange cards. This year he'd said he would make us a nice dinner at home. I had a card at the ready. He had a card for me too, along with gifts. As soon as I saw gifts on the table, wrapped with a bow no less, I said 'Ohh... I haven't gotten you anything!' He chuckled and said he was just grateful to have me there. After dinner he lead me to where he'd set up the massage table, candles at the ready. Oh hell, yes!


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