# When do you know when it's over



## pattymarconi (Aug 26, 2008)

My hubby always tells me he loves me, and he is still in love with me, but for the past year now, I can honestly say that I am not in love with him anymore. I don't want to hurt him by telling him I want a divorce, but I am miserable in our relationship. I feel stuck, I don't know what to do. I am so lonely. Because I am lonely, I developed an attraction so someone at work. But of course, nothing will happen with that as we're both married. 

I want to feel alive again.


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

have you told your hubby that you are lonely? Have you both talked about what you need to feel good about the marriage again? have you thought about what you both could do differently to help the marriage? Is there something he has done that you feel you cant talk to him about how you are feeling?


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## pattymarconi (Aug 26, 2008)

yes we talked about it and we agreed will try to work on it, but since then he hasn't done anything to show he is working on it. Like we talk and the next day it's all the same again. I don't know how to work on it because I can't force myself to make it work. I don't want to pretend. He always said that if I wanted a divorce then we would do it, but he makes me feel bad that I am ruining our marriage. 

I don't think there is anything that will make me feel good about the marriage again. I am not attracted to him anymore in any way shape or form. I do love him though because he is the father of my child and we are friends, but I have needs and I am pretty sure he does too. He wants to make love often, but I can't do it. I can't force myself to do it. He knows we're drifting apart, but he loves me, and he constantly tells me not to leave him ever. What do I do in this situation? I am miserable.


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

that does sound miserable. have you tried marriage counseling? for women sex is more about the emotional connection so if you're not feeling it anymore, then dont try and make yourself. never do it if you dont want to. that's just my opinion. I stopped all physical contact with my H for awhile because my emotional connection to him was severed. and he finally started asking me what i needed so that he could touch me.


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## loveandmarriage (Aug 8, 2008)

Have you thought about what made you fall in love with your husband in the first place? What attracted you to him when you were first dating? Do you think if you found all these things again that you liked about your husband when you two first met that maybe, just maybe, that may rekindle your feelings toward your husband?

I also think you should not end it until you get counseling. I always believe that you have to earn your way out of a marriage. When I say this I mean: you have to have done everything possible before calling it quits.

Good luck.


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## pattymarconi (Aug 26, 2008)

hi again,

Yeah I have thought about the things that made me fall in love with him, however it doesn't seem to help at all. I doesn't bring any feelings or anything. I even went thru our so called love emails and how we were so lovey dovey then and now I feel resentment every time he forces me to say "I love you" when we're parting to go to work. 

We talked about counselling and he said that he was ok with it. He said he'll make the appointment and set everything up - that was 2 months ago and still we don't have an appointment. 

I will make an appointment, since he doesn't seem to want to do anything, and see if it makes a difference.

My hubby is a good man, a great father, but I think it's just I have fallen out of love. I got married young, and I think that is one of the other reasons I feel like I am stuck. I have also been suffering from depression and that of course doesn't help at all. 

I am normally a very sexual person as well, but I don't seem to have that urge with mu hubby. I don't know - I guess there is no emotional connection there. 

I don't think I will ever cheat with my hubby, that is not fair to him and I am not that kind of person. I mean I flirt with this guy I like at work, but nothing more.


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## pattymarconi (Aug 26, 2008)

Ok, instead of starting another thread, I'll just continue my story here.

This week has been insanely miserable for me. Not only that I am tired because I have worked more than 60 hours last week, I am miserable at work because the only person that can make me smile at work is not even in this week!!!! He is on vacation!!!

Yeah I think I mentioned that I have this office crush, he is probably married with kids, he is a lot older than me so I know nothing will happen there. I just kind of used him so I have something to look forward to at work, but I guess so much for using him, as I think my crush has became lust - Ha ha ha, I say that because I always imagine/dream about us doing it. I know it's crazy and I complain about doing it with my hubby. 

I guess my attraction to this man has gone from teenage crush to total lust as I haven't done the deed in long time. OMG, it'll be awesome! but then again, it's just a dream - I am still stuck in my depression and loveless (my part) marriage to a person who begs me not to divorce him. Oh well, my sucky life.


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

Im going to guess a lot of what is going on is your depression talking. i suffer from depression too, and i know a lot of times when i feel that lull in life i seek some kind of mental escape, whatever form it takes. for now i would say to stop focusing on your marriage and start focusing on yourself and getting yourself to a better place. instead of seeking external sources of mental release from your depression (i.e your coworker), try and find internal sources that are more permanent and satisfying in the long run. then after a few months of self evaluation and meditation, revisit the problems in your marriage.


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

:iagree:
great advice...it really does sound like depression has cast a dark cloud over every day life for you...The lust is working because it's still a fantasy and you can make it as perfect as you want...it's a great escape at the moment, although not the most healthy...follow the above advice and see if you can get that feeling in your real life.


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

ljtseng said:


> Im going to guess a lot of what is going on is your depression talking. i suffer from depression too, and i know a lot of times when i feel that lull in life i seek some kind of mental escape, whatever form it takes. for now i would say to stop focusing on your marriage and start focusing on yourself and getting yourself to a better place. instead of seeking external sources of mental release from your depression (i.e your coworker), try and find internal sources that are more permanent and satisfying in the long run. then after a few months of self evaluation and meditation, revisit the problems in your marriage.


:iagree:


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