# Wife showing true intent?



## Thumper (Mar 23, 2013)

Ok, so after 21 years of marriage, my wife asks for a trial separation. She agrees that we should see a MC and attempt to try and safe the marriage.

Today is our first appointment after 4 weeks of the separation. Basically after 50 minutes, my wife has only one comment. "I want to move our bed out, put in a twin, and repaint the whole room a new color for a fresh start" Is it me or is that basically saying "I just need him to get the rest of his crap out, I already moved on"?


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## Wanting1 (Apr 26, 2012)

Are you the one that left the house? I think you are making this a bit easy on her. Did this separation idea come out of the blue?


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

I find it very strange and wonder if she's checked out of the marriage.

I'm not quite sure how a new painted room would help save a marriage. Switching beds is not a good sign, especially to a twin. That to me says she has no intentions of bringing you back in. Also, I personally wouldn't move the bed for her. If she wants it moved, let her do it herself.


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

Sounds to me like she wants to remove any possibility of the two of you being intimate in the future

Ask the MC what he/she thinks of this today


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

Sounds like for now she's planing to keep you around as a roommate. 

I guess you or the MC didn't ask her why twin beds?


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## Fledgling (Feb 3, 2013)

Wierd situation. What do you mean by "separation"? Sleeping apart or has one of you moved out? Whatever the case it sounds like your wife is searching for independence. You've been together 21 years and I'm sure have become enmeshed in each other's lives. Does she feel suffocated? Does she feel like she needs to work on herself? Is this her way of asking for "space"?


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## Thumper (Mar 23, 2013)

ok, yes I knew we were having issues 6 months ago, I asked for some time for "us" so we could try and get to the bottom of whats going on. Wouldn't get much response, other than she started going out with friends more and more. 

4 weeks ago I had to take the kids out of state for a large sports tournament their team was playing in. The day I got home, she said she needed "space" to find herself. Her and her mom had decided for us that it was time for me to move out, I agreed as she's the one that does all the laundry, gets the kids to and from school, does all the cooking (thus our problem as I found out she's a bit burned out, and I didn't help enough with those duties on a consistent basis-self employed-and admit I could have been doing more.)

Of course the first week i'm out I do nothing to help the situation. But week 2, I start seeing my own counselor, as she had rejected the idea to that point. I start seeing my flaws, working on "self", start taking some cooking classes so I might eventually be able to help with dinner and stuff, go out with a couple of friends that have been giving me some support. She notices a difference in me after week 3 and tells me what "a different person I've become already" and says she now wants to try MC and try to save the marriage. She finds one, a friend recommended to her, we go, and its a crazy first meeting, this counselor jumps to my wife's side immediately, even tells me to "stop talking" twice, so she could defend my wife. Doesn't feel right. I look her profile up on the state board website, she's not even a MC/couples therapist, but a Drug and Alcohol specialist instead (no I don't drink or do drugs, with no back ground in working in couples. She even gave my wife a book on "independent living".

I voice my concern to my wife, she says find a new one. Just make sure its a woman, I use the state board website, and make a call. I tell the new counselor what happened, and she sets us up and appt. for yesterday. We both go in, I'm answering questions, my wife is real quiet, doesn't say much. We ran a bit over our time and another couple is waiting, as we walk out the door is when my wife drops the comment "I really just want to take our old bed out, set up a twin and paint the room for a fresh start"

One last log of information, she's also my boss in a way, I own a small construction company, she works for her dad, they own a large apartment complex, and its 90% of my business.


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

OUCH!

So the counselor didn't get a chance to weigh in on her statement huh? Be Darn sure to bring it up at your next session (when is that BTW?)

While you're working on yourself, be sure to try and expand your business so that her father isn't your main customer! Does she exert any control over your company because of daddy?


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## Thumper (Mar 23, 2013)

She's the one that submits my work orders, does my billing, handles my payroll, its a real mess. We don't have another MC appt. set up, she does have a appt. to visit her solo tho.


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

Get another MC session as soon as possible to address the bed issue. That's huge!


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

the writing is on the wall. you need to start getting your act together.

shes resentfull that you seem to be ok with you business being 90% of her dad appartment complex. start looking to improve you business.

sounds like shes getting her ducks in a row. you should do the same.


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

Sounds like your W wants a MC that's really a women's divorce coach in disguise. That's why she wanted the next MC to be a woman-she wants one that will always take her side.

And then that "space" request? I'm sorry to say this, but there may be a whole new wrench in this works: "I need space" is womanese for "I've met someone..."


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

F-102 said:


> Sounds like your W wants a MC that's really a women's divorce coach in disguise. That's why she wanted the next MC to be a woman-she wants one that will always take her side.
> 
> And then that "space" request? I'm sorry to say this, but there may be a whole new wrench in this works: *"I need space" is womanese for "I've met someone..."*


Especially when you take into account that she's going out a more and more with friends. Do you know which friends, where are they going and can you answer how long does she stay out?


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

I don't think wanting a twin bed in the room sounds like a person looking to date. It sounds like a person looking to be by herself for a long while.

The MC needs to know about her statement OP. Set up another MC appointment as soon as you can.


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

Thumper said:


> She's the one that submits my work orders, does my billing, handles my payroll, its a real mess. We don't have another MC appt. set up, she does have a appt. to visit her solo tho.


She has you by the balls.

What are you doing to change it?


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

First, keep going to marriage counseling. Don't make any changes in the bedroom yet.

Second, get a list of issues YOU want addressed and make sure they are addressed in counseling. This is the only chance you get.

Third, don't worry about your business. If the sh!t hits the fan and you get divorced, she'd be hurting herself if she tried to hurt your business.

last, double check to make sure she hasn't found someone else already.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Her and her mom decided you should move out? She works for her dad and that is 90% of your business? Now she wants a twin bed and space?

Dude if you can't read the writing on this wall I can't help you. She doesn't want to save the marriage she absolutely wants coaching on how to separate herself from you.


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