# really need serious advice =_( my mind is so out of wack!



## j1023 (Aug 25, 2010)

I know this post is quite long, but please read =( i really need some serious advice =_(


About 3 months ago I found out my gf/fiance of 2 1/2 years had slept with another guy 3 times in a week period behind my back. Well I gave her another chance which a lot of my friends said I shouldn't have done. Well everything was ok, but he kept calling and texting her and I started getting really upset about it. Well then after a month had passed almost, she decided that she wanted us to start over as friends and and go on dates and try to rebuild what we once had. Everything was going ok, but after we hadn't spent time together in about 2 weeks, we had made plans to spend the weekend together, and then she decided to go and have a girls night out with her friend she moved in with. Well the next day I was gonna pick her up and surprise her, and she started texting getting all irritable when I said I was on my way, and she told me she was like 45minutes away with her roomate at someones house they crashed at after drinking. Well I ended up driving by the guy she cheated on me withs house and sure enough her car was there! Then I called her and was like why the hell did you lie to me! Then I told her that was it and that she needed to come the next day and get the rest of the stuff she had left! Well then she comes over the next day and we talk and I work things out again with her like an idiot, and she ends up staying the night. Well a week or so goes by, and she brought me my pay that was deposited in her account, then we start texting and one thing led to another and she started getting selfish and condescending with me, so I told her we didn't need to speak for a while. Well after 4 or 5 days of barely any contact, she starts texting me talking about she misses me and really loves me and stuff. Well come to find out, she had actually ran back to the guy she had cheated on me with, and they ended up getting into a bad argument one night and he slammed her up against a fridge and was yelling at her! A few nights after that had happened, she ends up showing up at my house, and wanted another chance. Well, I told her that in order for that to happen, she would have to stop going to this guys house, and he would have to stop texting and calling her, cause right before all of this I found text on her phone between him and her talking about I love u baby and crap, and she said it was nothing! Well anyway she understood what would need to change, or well at least she said she did. Well for the next 2 weeks, she would text me while she was at work, and sometimes call during her lunch or while she would be smoking a cig, but I would never hear from her in the evenings, except for one night maybe two. And I told her that I felt like she was ignoring me and that if she was just wanting to be friends, it would be too hard for me cause I would just want more, and she said she felt the same about me, and that she was still in love with me. Well then it got to the point where I didn't hear from her for like almost 2 days straight. Then finally last sunday she came by and we spoke, and she told me that she did love me and she missed what we had together and that she hopes that eventually things work out for her and I together, but for right now she wants to be single cause everysince she was 15 she dated a guy for a week, then her ex for a year and a half, then right into dating me for 2 1/2 years, and that she realizes how sometimes she enjoys not having to answer to anyone when she's out with friends. And I respected her decision. And she also told me that there was nothing going on between her and this other guy, but yet I find out her car was there a few days back around the afternoon time, only because for some reason my manager decided to just drive by there, then called me and told me and I was like I don't care cause we aren't together. Well then a few days ago my ex gets mad at me cause she started asking what I did the night before and stuff and I told her that my friends wife was sending pics of me to her cousin cause she wanted to see if her cousin thought I was cute, then she asked me how many women I had slept with and I told her that was none of her business (eventhough I haven't slept with anyone), and she was like "I find it funny how u say u still care about me, but yet ur such a guy and just have to have it!". And I told her I hadn't slept with anyone and she said she didn't believe me. Well we got off the phone and she finally calmed down in text. Well she stopped by my job a few hours later to get the new insurance card from me and I gave her a birthday card also with a gift card, and she hunged me really tight and told me to text her later. Well, I'm stuck and my mind is going crazy and I feel like I am the backup guy! And she tells me she wants to keep talking as friends and not stop talking for awhile cause she doesn't want us to distance ourselves from one another. But yet everyone has been telling me that I really just need to start ignoring her calls and text for awhile, but that's so hard for me to do, and not just because I love her, but because I'd feel like I was being mean if I fully ignore her, and because I'm afraid that doing that will just cause her to push farther away from me rather than maybe wanting to eventually work things out and give us another chance together. And everyone keeps telling me that eventhough her birthday is tomorrow, or well technically today, that I need to still ignore her and not respond if she text and not to text her even just to say happy bday, because they said that she really needs to realize how it is when I'm not around. And she tried to call me twice in a row while I was at work, but never left a message and never text. But I feel like not at least saying happy bday to her tomorrow would be mean, or is what everyone is telling me correct and maybe I should just fully ignore her for awhile, even if it is her bday? Please help me out asap! I even thought about staying friends with her but treating her like a friends and not showing her my hurt side, but even when I mention that to my friends, they still say just fully ignore her. She hasn't even really contacted yesterday at all, and only today for the 2 times she tried to call me. Just need good advice asap from someone who has been in this situation or just someone with good advice both male and female perspectives =)

And her bday was on monday, and she has been under the impression that i have been talking to my friends wife's cousin, which i have not been, so on monday morning she tried to call me, and i didn't answer cause i was still half sleep, and then she sends a text that said "i think its ****ed up that you can't speak to me and tell me happy bday on my bday cause your with that *****," then she sent a few more.....well I ended up speaking to her a few times, then i went and hung out with her sis's boyfriend, and my ex and her sis came back to the house and i saw her for like 10minutes then she had to leave to go to work, and she hugged me, then i told her happy bday and she left.

well....I found out today that she has still been hanging out with this guy, but from what her sis's boyfriend tells me, my ex and the guy said they are not dating and are just friends......well I ended up calling and leaving her a voicemail, and I told her in the voicemail that i was tired of all the damn mind games and feeling this way, and that everytime I see her, or she calls me and text me, I think about everything we had together and have been through together, and then I think about where we are now and it upsets me, and i just couldn't go on feeling like this anymore, so it would be best that after i leave the voicemail we no longer have any contact for awhile. 

well.....after i got off work, I cut my phone back on, and she had sent me a few text talking about she really wants to talk about everything again before we not longer have contact, then she tried to call me but I didn't answer or reply. Then she sent me a text telling me she really did miss snuggling with me and kissing me and that she loved me very much. well i replied and said "don't tell me you love me when you cheat on me, then after I still try to make things work after the fact, you leave me!" then she replied back and said she loves me so very much and that she thinks about me everyday, and really wants to be with me, but she said that everytime she sees me, she just feels like she's not good enough for me after what she did. But I didn't reply. then she text and said she would see me friday and would try to contact me tomorrow.

she is supposed to come by friday to pick up the car tags, and I really do love her and really want to be with her and talk about things, but she started saying she missed me and loved me last time i had told her I didn't want to speak anymore for awhile and stopped all contact, then we spoke and everything seemed ok, then back to square 1..... I keep wondering if maybe I should just keep no contact until friday then maybe talk to her about everything, or if maybe i should continue no contact, then when she comes friday just not talk about it at all, or either talk about it but still enforce no contact for awhile. Its like I want to try to make things work, and I want her to come back, but I know that it has to be up to her, and up to time.....please help :_(


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## marcy* (Feb 27, 2010)

She is using you for some reason, but I don't think she loves you. 
You know the answer, but you are just ignoring it, because, I don't know why, but you still love her. She has powers over you and she knows that. She knows no matter how many time she cheats you, she will win you back. 
Sorry, but get way from her as much as you can. Live your life, not hers.


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

j1023
Isn’t it confusing when they say they want to be friends? My wife said that before we separated. Got me to looking up the definition of friendship. There’re many types of friends from casual friends, bosom buddies, special friends, soul mates etc. And friends help one another in different types of ways. Some can be emotionally supportive with one another while for others it’s a no no. Some can help fix a pc or do some plumbing while others enjoy tennis or squash with each other. 

Friendship is a truly wonderful thing and it’s good to have many because we can all support and enjoy one another’s company and time spent together.

What if you’d discovered a friend had lied to you and deceived you? What if you discovered a friend had betrayed your trust in them? What if you found a friend had been disloyal to you and had abused the very foundation of the person you are?

Is that a friend? Your wife is not your friend, no way is your wife your friend. Who needs friends like that I wonder?

Your wife is doing what she’s doing because that is who she is, it is what she’s made up of. It has absolutely nothing to do with what you’ve done or who you are. We do what we do because of our inner most values and beliefs, they are the things that determine our external behaviour.

But you are in love with your wife and because of that you are giving her your unconditional love.

What can you do? Make your love for your wife conditional. Sit down and think about what behaviour of hers it is that you will no longer tolerate, the behaviour you have zero tolerance for. I’ll draft them for you:

One more lie and your out.
One more deceit and your out (because some see a deceit as not lying).
One more disloyal act and your out.
One more betrayal and your out.

Can you see what’s happening? You’re setting your boundaries. Do you not feel better and stronger as a man already?

Something else will happen as well. If you tell your wife those things she will know how you see her behaviour. Then she may reflect on her own values and beliefs. Things like “Yes I’ve told lies, that is indisputable, that makes me a liar” etc.

Then go no contact with your wife for three months, just blank her. It will be hard for you but just do it. In that three months you’ll get to know yourself more and more and because you’ll be observing your wife’s behaviour “from afar” you’ll get to know her more and more as well. At the end of the three months you’ll have a much better understanding of yourself, your wife and your relationship with her and you will be in a much better position to “know” if you want to try reconciliation, to continue no contact for a further three months or to indeed end your marriage.

Bob


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

I did not read the whole post, I could tell where it was going after one paragrpah. You are a nice guy, you are forgiving, all of this is great- but some women tend to take advantage of such wonderful men. YOU DESERVE BETTER !! Love can be found again, put yourself out there, show her you are not dependant on her for your happiness. Find a woman who will at least respect & treasure your goodness, not abuse it.


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## marcy* (Feb 27, 2010)

AFEH said:


> j1023
> Isn’t it confusing when they say they want to be friends? My wife said that before we separated. Got me to looking up the definition of friendship. There’re many types of friends from casual friends, bosom buddies, special friends, soul mates etc. And friends help one another in different types of ways. Some can be emotionally supportive with one another while for others it’s a no no. Some can help fix a pc or do some plumbing while others enjoy tennis or squash with each other.
> 
> Friendship is a truly wonderful thing and it’s good to have many because we can all support and enjoy one another’s company and time spent together.
> ...


You are giving him good advices, but come on. He caught her cheating over and over, and she still didn't learn her lesson. 
All these didn't make her reflect what she was doing?! How many more chances does she need? 
She doesn't deserve him. She doesn't love him, but only needs his financial, emotional support. That's why she comes back to him.
I don't think she loves anyone right now, other than herself. She doesn't deserve another chance, at least not from him.


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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

Being that you are only engaged right now, personally I would run like hell. But thats just me LOL.


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

Deb* said:


> You are giving him good advices, but come on. He caught her cheating over and over, and she still didn't learn her lesson.
> All these didn't make her reflect what she was doing?! How many more chances does she need?
> She doesn't deserve him. She doesn't love him, but only needs his financial, emotional support. That's why she comes back to him.
> I don't think she loves anyone right now, other than herself. She doesn't deserve another chance, at least not from him.


Very true. But the man’s in love with his wife and he loves her “unconditionally”, it’s the latter he hasn’t woken up to as yet. He feels it, but it hasn’t registered in his head as yet.

For some of us we need our hearts broken a few times and our head seriously banged by some good friends before we see things for what they are. It’s all part of being abused by someone we’re in love with. The abused enables the abuse to continue because they are “in love”. Crazy but true but that’s how the abuser gets away with abusing. It’s also amazing that the abused actually stands up for and defends the abuser ….. because they are in love.

His wife so certainly hasn’t learned her lessons as yet. But neither has j1023 learnt his lessons.

With respect I most definitely did not say give her another chance. I said set your boundaries, be intolerant, do not contact her for three months and then make your decision. In that time away from her he will see her very much more clearly for who she’s is, what’s she’s done to him and more likely what she will continue to do. And he’ll be in a position to make up his own mind about what to do as opposed to taking the advice of others.

There are so many things in the equation called marriage. Being in love, finances, past happy and joyful memories and future dreams and plans. It ain’t that easy just to end it no matter how much abuse there is.

Took me so very long before I set my boundaries and became intolerant of my wife’s abusive behaviour that I don’t care to declare it here. Strangely when I did she was the one who knew it was over between us, I was still willing to work on our marriage. Told me a lot about my wife that.

Bob


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

SimplyAmorous said:


> I did not read the whole post, I could tell where it was going after one paragrpah.


Yeah, but it was a HELL of a paragraph!

I just jumped to the parts where they were back again, and then she was with the other guy, then back again. 

Dude, have some self respect and drop her. She obviously isn't getting the emotional connection she needs from you and unless you want this story to be repeated in the future, you need to move on without her.


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## 4sure (Aug 8, 2010)

Stop being her doormat. If you continue this relationship she will repeatly do this to you. Have some respect and love for yourself.
Why is your pay being deposited in her account? Dude get your money and ass out of there.


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## CH (May 18, 2010)

Time to move on, she hasn't grown up yet and isn't ready for a long term relationship, let alone getting married. Cut it off, go on with your life. If she decides to clean up her act and fix herself maybe you'll be there, maybe not.

You don't have a marriage or kids invested at this point and it's better to move on. Unless you want to raise a little kid up and hope that she grows up one day to love you and only you. That's up to you though.

She's playing you for the fool, throwing you enough rope to keep you hanging on but always ready to let go at a moments notice. Everytime she throws you that rope again you grab it hoping she'll pull you up this time.

It's like Linus and Lucy from the Peanuts cartoon. She always has that football setup for him to kick and he always falls for the trick no matter how times she pulls that football away. He's always gonna try and kick it no matter how many times he falls on his back. Just walk away from the temptation.

Trust me, you'll find someone who is way better and will make you happier in the end. Or maybe she'll grow up enough that you 2 can work things out and start off new again. I'm not holding my breath for the 2nd part to happen.


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## j1023 (Aug 25, 2010)

posted this yesterday on one of the other forum websites I am a member of as well.


I appreciate the support! =) today has been a little down so far since yesterday, but I'm keeping my head up =) I do love her, and I constantly think about her just running to this other guy fully due to me ignoring her now, but then I've had people tell me that its possible that she will start trying harder to see me and make things work due to me ignoring her and putting my foot down. And I know I have to stay strong and keep my foot down, because last time I ignored her for days, she started talking about how much she missed me and really loved me so much and wished I would give her another chance, and of course what do I do......I give her another chance, and I explain to her that it would be the last chance I give and I told her what would have to change for me to consider, and she said ok.....but then after that its like she went back to square 1 with me, and then would only contact me during the days and some evenings, then it went to almost about 2 full days with no contact from her, then she comes over and tells me that she wants to be single and that she hoped for things to eventually change for her and I, and that she has just been enjoying hanging out with friends and realizing she doesn't have to answer to anyone, and that since she was 15 she dated a guy for like a week, then dated her ex before me for about 1 1/2 years, then right into dating me and has never really had a chance to just be single for a while. But yet I find out she's still been hanging out with the other guy, and eventhough they are not dating, I'm sure they've fooled around! but then now that I've had enough, she starts telling me how she loves me so much and wants to be with me but just feels like she isn't good enough for me after what happened???? And then she starts assuming that due to how I am acting now she thinks I've found someone else?????? And I know she's probably going to try to contact me today, and when I ignore her she is probably going to get all pissy and what not and then say fine, or try to say something like "i really wanted to work things out but I guess you don't want to now....." or something along those lines to try to get me to respond......And like everyone keeps telling me, she will never truly realize anything or truly miss what she had with me if I'm still there....


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## j1023 (Aug 25, 2010)

thanks so much for all the support everyone =) no contact with her today at all, and surprisingly, she didn't even send me a text or try to contact me at all today, but I can already guess why on that.....I will admit that it does hurt and it has been hard, but like a friend of mines ex told me, once I put my foot down and stop all this bull**** my heart will break and I will admit that it has =_( I know that I just have to keep my head up and keep moving forward and thinking positive though. I have had bad mental images of her doing all the intimate and erotic things her and I have done together with this other guy, and I guess that is just part of the healing process, and I wish that she could feel that too, which part of me thinks that she has been since she was getting all snappy and mean thinking I was talking to my friends wife's cousin.... But in all honesty, the mental images have died down a lot from where they were over a month ago so that is a sign that I am slowly healing and getting past all of this bull**** =) And when she comes to get the car tags, I will hand them to her and look at her and say goodbye and go about my business cause I already know she doesn't expect me to put my foot down face to face, but rather cower down and be all loving, but she will be in for a rude awakening! I do love her, and I always will and maybe one day things could be different, but I am done dealing with all of her manipulative bull****, and I refuse to be the backup guy just because she knows how kind hearted and loving I am! I am an amazing guy with a one of a kind heart and in all honesty all I can say to her is goodluck finding someone who will love you the way I did and as much as I did and stick by your side even at your worst! I spoke to a really good friend of mine, and she said for me to be prepared for the possibility of my ex trying to start doing anything to try to get back together with me, but I gotta keep my foot down and in place.

now on to tomorrow, take it one day at a time and keep my head above water and stay strong.


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

it will hurt today, and tomorrow and the next, but sooner or later it won't, unless you allow her to stay in your life.

Get the tough part over now.


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## j1023 (Aug 25, 2010)

Chris Taylor said:


> it will hurt today, and tomorrow and the next, but sooner or later it won't, unless you allow her to stay in your life.
> 
> Get the tough part over now.


I know  and now that I'm already going through it, I have to continue to stay strong, cause if I don't and I allow this to go on, then I will keep feeling this way every time I see her or talk to her. It truly is very hard and hurts ignoring her, but I have to look out for me and my well being and stay strong
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## greeneyeddolphin (May 31, 2010)

I agree with what everyone else has said, and would also like to suggest that you get her off your car insurance as soon as possible. You need to eliminate all entanglements with her, but the car insurance is important because: if she gets in a car accident, and is at fault, you can also be sued if the person she hits sues her. Plus, by being co-insureds on a policy, she has the ability to call and take you off as much as she can take you off. And if she gets mad at you for cutting contact and everything, she could call and take you off the insurance and not tell you out of spite. And then the state (depending on where you live) can suspend your license for having no insurance. 

I definitely think you need to move on and find someone who can appreciate you for the wonderful guy you sound like you are.


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## cheetahcub (Aug 18, 2010)

I just want to add one thing, and keep thinking about that when you're alone and weak on temptation to get her back...when you get married, things that irritated you a little bit...grows and gets bigger after the wedding. habits don't go away, good or bad. so if she's like this now...she'll be even more so when she's married. Don't go there, don't do that to yourself.

The other way around is also true...you having trust issues now, would get worse the longer you guys are married. Nevermind what she'll say, you won't trust her...recipe for disaster.

Start new, chin up and stay strong. Maybe in a few months things look different.


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## j1023 (Aug 25, 2010)

cheetahcub said:


> I just want to add one thing, and keep thinking about that when you're alone and weak on temptation to get her back...when you get married, things that irritated you a little bit...grows and gets bigger after the wedding. habits don't go away, good or bad. so if she's like this now...she'll be even more so when she's married. Don't go there, don't do that to yourself.
> 
> The other way around is also true...you having trust issues now, would get worse the longer you guys are married. Nevermind what she'll say, you won't trust her...recipe for disaster.
> 
> Start new, chin up and stay strong. Maybe in a few months things look different.


I really appreciate all the support every body  ignoring her is probably the hardest thing I've ever had to do but I'm staying strong, and she hasn't tried to text me at all yesterday or today. Like the saying goes u can never truly miss what u had and realize what u lost if the person still around, so now she will see. Later every body ill keep yall posted 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## j1023 (Aug 25, 2010)

j1023 said:


> I really appreciate all the support every body  ignoring her is probably the hardest thing I've ever had to do but I'm staying strong, and she hasn't tried to text me at all yesterday or today. Like the saying goes u can never truly miss what u had and realize what u lost if the person still around, so now she will see. Later every body ill keep yall posted
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


She was supposed to come get the car tags earlier today, and sent a txt this afternoon askin if she could come get them after work, and I said sure, then she wanted to make sure tags came in and not just receipt, and I told her I wasn't home, would check when I got there in a few. Then she was like ok, then 20 minutes later she txt and ask if I was home yet and I was still short and to the point and said "no...be there in a few" and she was like u said u would be there in a few min, and I said no I said a few, then she said "a few what" and I stopped txting back and she was like "nevermind...ill just go to tag building and pay them again" and I was like "I will check when I get home, k bye" Well then she ended up calling around 4pm and said she wouldn't be able to come and I said ok and told her I had plans all weekend so she would have to contact my mom and get them whenever she is at home. Btw she's under my moms insurance. And she was like ok, which I find it funny how when I first said there would be no more contact between her and I, she got all emotional but yet 3 days later (now) the way she sounded on phone was like she sounded fine with no care. Today went great for me, but I still have a lot on my mind. But that was it for contact between her and I, and that's been the only contact since tuesday. Later everybody
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Every day you invest in this relationship is 24 golden hours you could spend actually being loved by someone deserving of trust. Your last day on earth could come 60 years from now or next week. How do you want to spend the time you have?


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## Greentea (Aug 28, 2010)

you have to get out of it , or, you will always give her chance to hurt you. she is not trustworthy. you are just a backup to her, when she needs you, she comes to you,uses you to support her,comfort her, when she doesn't, you are forgotten in the corner. take care of yourself, only yourself can do that. find somebody you love and who really deserves your love. don't waste your time on cheaters. if you block the bad things out of your house, they are not able to hurt you.


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## j1023 (Aug 25, 2010)

I know  I've been doing good so far or well I have my good moments and bad moments...I just find it funny how she puts on this front like she puts on this front like she doesn't care after 2 1/2 years and after everything we had together before all the bull****! But that's fine cause I know I'm an amazing, kind hearted unique guy who has so much love to give =). I have a heart that rivals most men in this world and I will make somebody very happy one day!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## j1023 (Aug 25, 2010)

Right now isn't one of my best moments either.... ? I'm starting to get visions again of her ****ing him and going down on him and it really is putting me down!!!! Usually music solves that but not at the moment!!!! I hate her so ****ing much for how she is towards me now!!!!! **** her!!!!! I'm done with her ****ing bull****!!!! This is what I get for being a sweet loving nice kind hearted giving guy!!!!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## j1023 (Aug 25, 2010)

I swear if I hear the other guys name one more time I'm gonna go ****ing insane!!!!! And yea she was with him tonight but I don't give two ****ing ****s!!!!! I haven't been in contact with her at all, and now I see how she can just have no ****ing care in the world!!!!! That's ok....put on a ****ing front!!!!! When your all alone laying in bed by yourself you will feel my pain and I hope it hurts like hell and I hope you ****ing realize what you've lost and what we had!!!!!!! Like they say....what comes around goes around and karma is a ****ing *****!!!!!!!!!!!! This is what I get for being a great and loving guy!!!!!!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

j1023 said:


> I swear if I hear the other guys name one more time I'm gonna go ****ing insane!!!!! And yea she was with him tonight but I don't give two ****ing ****s!!!!! I haven't been in contact with her at all, and now I see how she can just have no ****ing care in the world!!!!! That's ok....put on a ****ing front!!!!! When your all alone laying in bed by yourself you will feel my pain and I hope it hurts like hell and I hope you ****ing realize what you've lost and what we had!!!!!!! Like they say....what comes around goes around and karma is a ****ing *****!!!!!!!!!!!! This is what I get for being a great and loving guy!!!!!!!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It will pass. I guarantee you it will pass and in the not too far off future inner peace and contentment will return to you.

You have to go No Contact and Blank her. Bar her phone numbers and block her emails and any other way she can contact you. If she tries to get at you through a proxy person tell them you’ve blanked her and do not want to be told anything about her.

Totally blank her. It will make you feel stronger. If you pray say a prayer of thanks that you didn’t get married to her and don’t have children with her. Think that for some reason you have been blessed because of that. Our lifetime blessings sometimes come to us in strange ways. It’s hard to see it now but you have been blessed by life itself. You will see it sometime in the future when you’re settled down with a woman who deserves you.

Bob.


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## j1023 (Aug 25, 2010)

so she tried to call me earlier today, and i didn't answer, then she sent me a txt saying "its very important. please answer." and i still didn't reply or answer, cause I have fallen for that before the last time around when she tried to call then txt and said its was an emergency, come to find out she just wanted to talk to me..... well then she calls her sister (since I was over hanging out at her sis's and sis's boyfriends house cause he is a really good friend of mine) and was *****ing at her sis, then her sis hands me the phone, and I said no I don't want to talk to her, and handed the phone back to her sis, and her sis told her i didn't want to talk, then she got off the phone. Well then she txt me about 15min later saying her sis tried to call, and she was at work and would call me later. Then she txt me about 30-45min later asking if she could stop by tomorrow, and I said no cause I had to work, and that i was off from tues-thurs and would be busy thurs, so she could stop by no later than weds to get the rest of her stuff I will be packing up, and she txt back saying that she wanted the car tags by tomorrow cause she paid them, and could she stop by my work, and I told her no cause I cant have visitors and got in trouble last time, and that she can stop by no later than weds or either today (well yesterday now) and if not then she can go through my mother to try to stop by when my mom is here, then i said bye, and she ended up txting back saying "ok whatever wednesday" I find it funny how I told her that since she couldn't come by last friday to get the tags she would have to talk with my mom and try to stop by when she would be here, cause I would be busy, but yet she is still trying to get them from me instead..... And my friends told me that when she comes by Wednesday, I need to have all her stuff I will be packing sitting on porch out front for her to get when she gets here, and that I don't need to say anything to her when she comes over, cause arguing or getting mad will only show her that she can get a rise out of me, and it would just make me look stupid and give her something else to use as fuel. But there will be no contact until Wednesday when she comes to get her stuff, and if she tries to contact me before then I will let her know that there is no need to contact me and that I will see her Wednesday for her to get her things. It is hard for me to be this way because I am not the ******* type, and I do love her but I am sick of it, and if I don't put my foot down she will just continue to lie and walk all over me! And she obviously still seems to think I am acting this way because I found someone else which isn't the case, but like my friends tell me, let her think that if she wants to....


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## j1023 (Aug 25, 2010)

she text me this morning saying "just wanted to say goodmorning" then she sent another text right after that said "I hope you had a good time last night." I didn't reply to either of them. There is a lot on my mind right now, but today has been ok.


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## Greentea (Aug 28, 2010)

Keep ingorning her, you have to be persistant, or, you will fall into her trap again. just for you own sake, please. better block her calls. she is playing you a fool, she thinks you are in her pocket, she can manipulate you any time if she wants to , don't be a nervous dog of her frightened to be left behind please.


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## j1023 (Aug 25, 2010)

Very true. . Another thing I was told is to not show her I am hurt or down about all the current things dealing with her. My friends told me that I have to not show my hurt side to her period, and that includes any post I make on fb as well. There are some lyrics to a song I want to post, but I dnt know if it would just make her think I'm hurting or something if she happens to see my page somehow...or maybe I should just post them and not care what she thinks at all.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Brewster 59 (Jun 19, 2010)

Well your not married thank god, so get all your money far away from her and play her game. Keep her on a string, all the while trying to move on with your life, Date, if you find a real prospect, dump her, if not use her the way she think she is going to do to you. 

Think of it this way you are no longer engaged, thank god you found her true colors b4 marriage, see her as a good time date, if she would be a good time, date her, if not f her.


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

Surely Brewster that’s not the way ahead? If we can’t stand by and upheld our own core values and beliefs what else is there? Where does our credibility go? Who do we become if we behave like others? Surely just as dysfunctional as they are?

Surely taking the high road is the better option.

Doesn’t sound like you at all. Unless of course you were being ironic.

Bob





Brewster 59 said:


> Well your not married thank god, so get all your money far away from her and play her game. Keep her on a string, all the while trying to move on with your life, Date, if you find a real prospect, dump her, if not use her the way she think she is going to do to you.
> 
> Think of it this way you are no longer engaged, thank god you found her true colors b4 marriage, see her as a good time date, if she would be a good time, date her, if not f her.


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## Brewster 59 (Jun 19, 2010)

AFEH said:


> Surely Brewster that’s not the way ahead? If we can’t stand by and upheld our own core values and beliefs what else is there? Where does our credibility go? Who do we become if we behave like others? Surely just as dysfunctional as they are?
> 
> Surely taking the high road is the better option.
> 
> ...


Well Bob, your probably right, I think Im getting a bit bitter reading all this crap about these women keeping these poor guys as back up plans and torturing them in the process so maybe a little of their own treatment would be a good thing. It sounded good on paper anyhow, at least at the time.


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

Brewster 59 said:


> Well Bob, your probably right, I think Im getting a bit bitter reading all this crap about these women keeping these poor guys as back up plans and torturing them in the process so maybe a little of their own treatment would be a good thing. It sounded good on paper anyhow, at least at the time.


I've seen and experienced truly bitter and resentful people Brewster and the effect they have on other's lives, even the ones they supposedly love the most important people in their lives. I’ve literally seen people killed, maimed and permanently disabled and loved ones lose their husband or wife or child and I’ve observed their grief all because of the bitterness, resentment and revenge of one person.

Believe me you don't want to go there. Far better to take the high ground no matter how much we feel the need to defend ourselves or to take revenge. I think revenge is a bitter journey that comes back to us by way of karma and we're far better off investing our time and energy in something truly worthwhile.

Bob


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## Brewster 59 (Jun 19, 2010)

Bob I know you are right and really if he kept her on a string it would only prolong the pain. So yes he should just move on with his life and b very thankful that he found her true colors b4 he got married. It might not feel like it but this is a huge blessing.


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## j1023 (Aug 25, 2010)

She came by yesterday and picked up her stuff, and I didn't say much of anything to her, except when I told her I had more stuff, she said she couldn't take the rest right now and I told her I would put rest in garage and will leave it unlocked whenever she decides to come get it...and she tries to tell her sis's bf that she isn't mad and that it hurts her too and she misses me too...now no more contact at all. Weird thing is that after she left, I got a message on my phone saying she had accepted my friend request on fb that I had sent her weeks ago...why?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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