# Feeling Alone...



## SeekingAdvive (Jun 12, 2011)

My wife and I have been married since 1999 and through the first number of years we each did our share of chores around the house. Now it seems anytime I try and ask her to do something, I'm the bad guy and, she grumbles and complains while lying on the couch watching TV. She suffers from slight depression and is on a dosage of Paxil but, I still need help around the house and, do not want to feel it's "my fault"


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

SeekingAdvive said:


> I still need help around the house and, do not want to feel it's "my fault"


You don't want to feel what is your fault? Could you explain this? 

What is she depressed about?


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## SeekingAdvive (Jun 12, 2011)

She is going to a Psychiatrist and is on Paxil. She has trouble dealing with death and still often grieves of the loss of her Mother who had passed away even before we got marriage of natural causes. She often complains about her job but, that's the only field (Daycare) she is wanting to work in.


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## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

I'm sorry you are going through that. I have some dealings with people with depression, and while I empathize, I do believe that sometimes everything is blamed on depression, when they have to take some personal responsibility for them selves.

That does not mean she is not depressed nor that she can just snap out of it, however she needs to make an effort to get well and do everything she can to make that happen. I also believe she needs to assist you in the house and still try and be a good wife to you.

You could also try MC.


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## SeekingAdvive (Jun 12, 2011)

We've been to a marriage councilor through where I work, and through one I paid for. I don't know what steps to take next...It's effecting both my personal life and my work. I won't put any more on my parents...They've done so much!


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

Maybe you have tried to impose yourself as "the good guy" and so you've compelled yourself to do things that cast you in that light. My H has the same problem with me. He has a very hard time saying no to me. He always says he just wants to make me happy. But the problem is sometimes what he needs does not make me happy and at that point he becomes resentful. 

You have to step out of the role you've created for yourself. You are neither the good guy nor the bad guy. Try to refocus on what your own needs are and how to meet those needs when faced with anger from your wife. Meeting your needs, and expressing those needs to others, does not make you a bad guy. You do feel like a bad guy, though, which is why she can get to you. If you upset her with your needs you feel like a bad guy. You need to feel like the good guy. 

There's a great book called Relationship Rescue by Dr. Phil. It is all about boundaries. It will help you learn how to stop violating your own needs with your need to be the good guy.


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