# Fleshlight if low drive partner poll



## L.M.COYL

How many have tried or are thinking of getting a Fleshlight because their partner has a low drive.


----------



## Sawney Beane

WTF is a fleshlight?!:scratchhead:


----------



## Almostrecovered

too high of a skeeve factor for my tastes


----------



## Hope1964

Sawney Beane said:


> WTF is a fleshlight?!:scratchhead:


Think flashlight with a plastic vagina instead of a lens. *shudder*


----------



## SimplyAmorous

We once rented a dvd on sex toys, it was rather fasinating. That is a sad way to go.... forgoing the emotional connection. The majority is going to be knocking out the porn & grabbing their toy... Whatever it takes to stay faithful in a marraige ....lacking sex. 

Here is a link with a variety on Amazon. Amazon.com: Fleshlight

Could always read those reviews, I bet Adam & Eve has lots of reviews too.


----------



## Broncos Fan

I wouldn't use one. I don't have a good reason not to though she takes care of me pretty well, but for some reason when a man uses a sex toy on his own it just seems sad. It shouldn't be that way but it is, women have more flexibility I guess.

I once, jokingly, told my wife that if my xbox had a fake vagina I wouldn't need her (she knows when I'm joking and knew I wasn't trying to be hurtful). 

She laughed, then commented, "Is there anything you men won't do, I mean you're even willing to have sex with a piece of plastic?" 

I waited a moment and then said, "Hon, think about what you just said." 

She thought, then laughed and said, "Oh, right, yeah..."


----------



## Machiavelli

Sex toys are for women.


----------



## Unhappy2011

Ha ha so there is some gender based sex toy bias? That's stupid. I'm gonna get me one of these fleshlights and **** the **** out of it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## sinnister

Machiavelli said:


> Sex toys are for women.


I know how sexists it sounds...but I agree.


----------



## Lionelhutz

I don't see how it is any different than masturbation...in fact it is just another form of masturbation so why does it matter how you are doing?

Now whether you would want to actually buy one and have it around the house is another issue.

There does seem to be a double standard for some reason.


----------



## Machiavelli

Lionelhutz said:


> I don't see how it is any different than masturbation...in fact it is just another form of masturbation so why does it matter how you are doing?
> 
> Now whether you would want to actually buy one and have it around the house is another issue.
> 
> There does seem to be a double standard for some reason.


There is a double standard for sex.

If the idea behind using one of these is to make up for a low drive woman, this will put you firmly in the omega zone.


----------



## AFEH

Fleshlight? How sad can it get? Reckon that’s verging on soul destroying stuff.


----------



## Lionelhutz

AFEH said:


> Fleshlight? How sad can it get? Reckon that’s verging on soul destroying stuff.


Why would it be soul destroying? Is a vibrator?


----------



## AbsolutelyFree

Well, how about this -- I'll admit to owning one. I don't know, what should I say? What's so terrible about it? It's far superior to using your hands.

I am single, though. Part of the reason I bought it was to overcome P.E., and it really worked.


----------



## nice777guy

Being single now, I'd LOVE to find a good sex toy for a man. Anytime I see men ask for recommendations, the answer is almost always the Fleshlight. It just doesn't look very appealing to me.

Does seem to me that there are Is a large divide in gender when it comes to toys.


----------



## The Chimp

How many partners with a low drive would throw a fit if their partner got one of these things?

I can't imagine my wife just saying OK off you go. More lilkely she would blow her lid about how horrible and disgusting it is and how it shows what men are like.


----------



## nice777guy

But it's ok - generally - for a woman to buy a Magic Wand...


----------



## L.M.COYL

We accept all kinds of other conveniences within our lives; women are allowed and encouraged on these boards to use all sorts of toys but men are viewed as feminine if they use something designed for men? Really. I think that's sort of primitive thinking and "soul destroying" when people discourage, belittle it. I mean , is your sexuality contingent on another? Not mine. 

Similarly women in marriage are encouraged to explore their own sexuality within the parameters of the marriage (toys); they aren't owned nor monitored by heir husbands (unless they accept being hitched to a control freak), so should men be?

I also think that as long as it isn't the focus (toys) and is viewed as a supplement, why not? In fact it may even be a healthful way of releasing the tension that comes with repression/suppression. It would also similarly calm men in terms of the expectations of sex from their wives (not a good thing as frequently mentioned in TAM).


----------



## nice777guy

But our most popular toy looks like a freakin flashlight?

I thought we ruled the world!?!?!


----------



## AbsolutelyFree

L.M.COYL said:


> We accept all kinds of other conveniences within our lives; women are allowed and encouraged on these boards to use all sorts of toys but men are viewed as feminine if they use something designed for men? Really. I think that's sort of primitive thinking and "soul destroying" when people discourage, belittle it. I mean , is your sexuality contingent on another? Not mine.
> 
> Similarly women in marriage are encouraged to explore their own sexuality within the parameters of the marriage (toys); they aren't owned nor monitored by heir husbands (unless they accept being hitched to a control freak), so should men be?
> 
> I also think that as long as it isn't the focus (toys) and is viewed as a supplement, why not? In fact it may even be a healthful way of releasing the tension that comes with repression/suppression. It would also similarly calm men in terms of the expectations of sex from their wives (not a good thing as frequently mentioned in TAM).


When I was a teenager, I listened to some sex therapist show on the radio (not Sue Johnson or whatever her name is). I remember her saying that if you want to be able to please your partner, you must first learn to please yourself. 

Obviously, this advice was most often given to women who had never had orgasms, needed to feel more relaxed, less repressed, etc. But I would even say the same is true for men.

Earlier I mentioned using the fleshlight to overcome PE. Feel free to point and laugh. However, I feel I have really learned a lot about myself from using it that would not have been possible with a partner. My belief is that when I meet a real woman again I will be able to do a lot for her because of the experience.


----------



## nice777guy

AbsolutelyFree said:


> When I was a teenager, I listened to some sex therapist show on the radio (not Sue Johnson or whatever her name is). I remember her saying that if you want to be able to please your partner, you must first learn to please yourself.
> 
> Obviously, this advice was most often given to women who had never had orgasms, needed to feel more relaxed, less repressed, etc. But I would even say the same is true for men.
> 
> Earlier I mentioned using the fleshlight to overcome PE. Feel free to point and laugh. However, I feel I have really learned a lot about myself from using it, and that when I meet a real woman again I will be able to do a lot for her because of the experience.


Totally sincere question here - are you saying that your training with a toy actually translated into success with the real thing?

Not laughing or judging...


----------



## AFEH

Lionelhutz said:


> Why would it be soul destroying? Is a vibrator?


It would for me, each to their own and all that. I’m not bothered about vibrators.


----------



## Sawney Beane

Seems like an uber-expensive way of achieving a cheap end...


----------



## HaHa

My husband and I are both high drive and have sex 5-7 times a week if not more. I bought this for him as a gift. It’s something we play with together sometimes like we play with my toys sometimes and he enjoys it. I have all kinds of sex toys. Why should he have something for himself? Lol..


----------



## Enchantment

I think the use of toys is something you should discuss with your spouse. Some people feel like their sexuality is something that exists outside of what goes on in their marriage - that it is a singularity. And some people don't feel that way, they feel it is a shared thing - it is a duality/mutuality.

My H and I decided that we wanted to share as much of our sexuality with each other as possible. That means - no going off on our own to do our own thing - we participate with each other as much as possible. I did not learn how to be sexual on my own. I learned how to be sexual WITH HIM.

I realize that not everybody has that kind of belief about their marriage and sexuality, but you and your partner should be discussing things like this. And if you can't discuss this because of issues in your marriage, then you know you have a beginning place from which to start trying to improve.


----------



## chillymorn

AFEH said:


> It would for me, each to their own and all that. I’m not bothered about vibrators.


dose that mean you use vibatators on yourself?


----------



## AFEH

My point was/is why does it matter what others think?

As long as you are ok with what you do to yourself then no harm done. Each to their own. I enjoyed a 42 year sex life with my wife with practically zero use of sex toys.



Why the OP gets so defensive about what he does is way beyond me. Why post at all if he’s not prepared to listen to contrary points of view?

Imagine cleaning your own vagina That’s simply a real ugh!! for me.


----------



## L.M.COYL

:scratchhead: Yah, no judging here!

For the lads onboard, I just wanted to add that there is apparently a more discreet version of personal masturbator/sex toy: the tenga.

Products | TENGA

:smthumbup:

PUH-SUH!


----------



## AFEH

L.M.COYL said:


> :scratchhead: Yah, no judging here!
> 
> For the lads onboard, I just wanted to add that there is apparently a more discreet version of personal masturbator/sex toy: the tenga.
> 
> Products | TENGA
> 
> :smthumbup:
> 
> PUH-SUH!


You do sound somewhat like a salesman. Thought so from the get go.


----------



## cledus_snow

there's nothing like the real thing!


----------



## okeydokie

Enchantment said:


> I think the use of toys is something you should discuss with your spouse. Some people feel like their sexuality is something that exists outside of what goes on in their marriage - that it is a singularity. And some people don't feel that way, they feel it is a shared thing - it is a duality/mutuality.
> 
> My H and I decided that we wanted to share as much of our sexuality with each other as possible. That means - no going off on our own to do our own thing - we participate with each other as much as possible. I did not learn how to be sexual on my own. I learned how to be sexual WITH HIM.
> 
> I realize that not everybody has that kind of belief about their marriage and sexuality, but you and your partner should be discussing things like this. And if you can't discuss this because of issues in your marriage, then you know you have a beginning place from which to start trying to improve.


so if a woman wants to use a toy, she should discuss that with her husband first? and if he is against it she should honor his wishes not to use it?

or should what one does with one's own body be one's own business?


----------



## Amplexor

Only if it worked as a fully functional flash-light also. Total man tool!


----------



## Lionelhutz

okeydokie said:


> so if a woman wants to use a toy, she should discuss that with her husband first? and if he is against it she should honor his wishes not to use it?
> 
> or should what one does with one's own body be one's own business?



I actually do think if a woman wants to use a toy she should talk about it with her husband if their sex life is otherwise good. If he is neglecting her, then he loses his vote and she should go for it. 

I can't think of any reason for him to reject the idea but my point is the more separate your sex lives become the more likely it is continue separating. 

I think the same is true of masturbation in general by the way. If you have a good and healthy sex life, you should be on the same page on these issues. 

Otherwise either or both partners are likely to get lazy and decide the marital sex must always be a certain thing (ie. and extended sessions of "love making") but if they simply want quick sexual relief they should primarily rely on solo activities. Once that is the norm, they will likely find they no longer have time for what they understand as "sex."


----------



## L.M.COYL

Wow, I would never equate my marriage with giving my partner power over my sexuality or body for that matter (unless that's what I want during sex :smthumbup: - just kidding.

I'm sort of shocked that some of you think you need to have another's permission to please yourself. How . . . odd _or repressed_?

That being said, technology is a reliable and wonderful thing.


----------



## Lionelhutz

L.M.COYL said:


> Wow, I would never equate my marriage with giving my partner power over my sexuality or body for that matter (unless that's what I want during sex :smthumbup: - just kidding.
> 
> I'm sort of shocked that some of you think you need to have another's permission to please yourself. How . . . odd _or repressed_?
> 
> That being said, technology is a reliable and wonderful thing.


It's not a question of power or control, it is a question of including. 

And I am pretty darn far from repressed. I'm not even sure why you would equate that. It's not like I am suggesting there is anything wrong with it or you seek permission each time (unless you are role playing ), it's just that you have an understanding at some point. Why not talk to your spouse ahead to time so you can address any worries/insecurities he or she may have ahead of time? 

I see no reason at all for the healthy presumption as one of inclusion rather then "I am doing my own thing and will let you know when or if you are involved".


----------



## nice777guy

L.M.COYL said:


> Wow, I would never equate my marriage with giving my partner power over my sexuality or body for that matter (unless that's what I want during sex :smthumbup: - just kidding.
> 
> I'm sort of shocked that some of you think you need to have another's permission to please yourself. How . . . odd _or repressed_?
> 
> That being said, technology is a reliable and wonderful thing.


Early in our marriage, I hid my masturbation habits from my wife - as I'm sure a lot of men do. What I'm "hearing" from Lionel is that we should simply be open with one another. Had my wife said "I would much rather you come to ME instead of masturbate" - I would have gladly given that a shot - until it failed.

If you buy a toy behind your husband's back - without giving HIM the chance to satisfy you first- it could backfire later. He may feel inadequate - unloved - etc...

And there are some guys who are a bit repressed when it comes to playing with phallic symbols with their partner. Just as some women don't like oral or porn - whatever the case - most people have "hang-ups" - right or wrong.


----------



## L.M.COYL

What I'm hearing is sensible but you should keep in mind the topic heading "Fleshlight if low drive partner".

I just think it might help out some of the hd men out there paired with ld partners and who's to say their partner can't help them pick out a toy (although while that might be fun I'm not sure how effective it would be, but who knows!).


----------



## Enchantment

L.M.COYL said:


> Wow, I would never equate my marriage with giving my partner power over my sexuality or body for that matter (unless that's what I want during sex :smthumbup: - just kidding.
> 
> I'm sort of shocked that some of you think you need to have another's permission to please yourself. How . . . odd _or repressed_?
> 
> That being said, technology is a reliable and wonderful thing.


Nope ... in our marriage it's not about gaining permission or having control. It is simply about concern for the other and inclusion. We basically give each other 'first dibs'. We get to have first dibs on each other... we discuss it, talk about it, we try and make it work. That works a whole lot better than having to go off on your own, sneakily, and do your own thing.

Don't know - I kinda thought marriage was supposed to be about sharing things - most especially your thoughts, hearts, and your bodies. Maybe that's ... odd... or old-fashioned...but we've found out that rather than being repressed...it's actually quite enlightening, exhilirating, empowering, endearing, energizing to both of us. 

Again, if you have a LD partner (of which I am the lower drive in my marriage), you can make it work if you both work together. If I had a LD partner that refused to work with me, I'd still let them know what I was doing and give then the opportunity to participate. Shutting each other out is what eventually shuts down a marriage. imho.


----------



## nice777guy

Early in our marriage - when I was masturbating in secret - I would not have gone out and bought a $50 sex toy.

Had I pressed for more sex with my wife - told her about my habit - and still been unsatisfied - well - I think I'd have myself a fleshlight and likely a pi$$-poor marriage.


----------



## Enchantment

You know... it is so sad. Both men and women are so repressed about their sexuality with each other.

Yes,.. I said 'both'. We tend to think of women as being more repressed and uptight about sex (we've unfortunately had very good social conditioning to help us along in that area that can take a long time to tear down).

But, MEN are every bit as reticent and repressed about sharing what they *really* want for fear of scaring their partner or hurting their feelings, or a fear of getting rejected or looked at as some kind of animal.

When you look at it that way - you realize that both partners are equally repressed and hiding from each other. Not sure how you can really connect with someone when you hide from them.


----------



## nader

I don't see how this is any different than masturbating.. yeah, I'd have no problem doing it with a fleshlight once in a blue moon, and I don't think my wife would fault me. She might think it's a little weird or gross but I don't thinks she'd have a problem with it.


----------



## nice777guy

Enchantment said:


> You know... it is so sad. Both men and women are so repressed about their sexuality with each other.
> 
> Yes,.. I said 'both'. We tend to think of women as being more repressed and uptight about sex (we've unfortunately had very good social conditioning to help us along in that area that can take a long time to tear down).
> 
> But, MEN are every bit as reticent and repressed about sharing what they *really* want for fear of scaring their partner or hurting their feelings, or a fear of getting rejected or looked at as some kind of animal.
> 
> When you look at it that way - you realize that both partners are equally repressed and hiding from each other. Not sure how you can really connect with someone when you hide from them.


And seriously - just think of all the tremendous sex we would be having if everyone was more open about their wants and needs...


----------



## nice777guy

I'm using mine right now!!!


----------



## The Chimp

Enchantment said:


> But, MEN are every bit as reticent and repressed about sharing what they *really* want for fear of scaring their partner or hurting their feelings, or a fear of getting rejected or looked at as some kind of animal.


This is because in my case when I have, my wife reacts by rejecting me, telling me how hurt she is and telling me I am some kind of animal that needs to realise sex is not "ladylike".


----------



## okeydokie

The Chimp said:


> I am some kind of animal that needs to realise sex is not "ladylike".


THAT mindset is at the root of alot of intimacy issues


----------



## The Chimp

LadyFrogFlyAway said:


> Chimp, what does she say when you point out that sex isn't SUPPOSED to be ladylike? There's a time to act like you're at a dinner party and the bedroom isn't one of them.


That she is a lady at all times and that she won't do stuff that isn't ladylike.


----------



## Just Wondering

Why would it be up for conversation?I'am a HD male,Married to a LD female. Yes I do masterbate to take care of my sexual needs however I do it with my hand or a fleshlight in private of my home and keep it hidden in a shoe box.I do not need permission from my wife.She has made a choice in life and in marriage to be a non sexual partner in marriage.I have choosen to have sex with myself.


----------



## nice777guy

The Chimp said:


> That she is a lady at all times and that she won't do stuff that isn't ladylike.


Have you told her that you have a Man's needs?

Buy the Fleshlight...


----------



## Sanity

I'll sell you mine. Slightly used, only dropped once.


----------



## Sanity

Just Wondering said:


> Why would it be up for conversation?I'am a HD male,Married to a LD female. Yes I do masterbate to take care of my sexual needs however I do it with my hand or a fleshlight in private of my home and keep it hidden in a shoe box.I do not need permission from my wife.She has made a choice in life and in marriage to be a non sexual partner in marriage.I have choosen to have sex with myself.


I used to remember having to "do my thing" in the shower due to the ex's sex drive. The ridiculous thing is she would get mad if she would catch me in the shower and accuse me of cheating. Sigh... Thank godness thats not a problem for me anymore.


----------



## okeydokie

Sanity said:


> I used to remember having to "do my thing" in the shower due to the ex's sex drive. The ridiculous thing is she would get mad if she would catch me in the shower and accuse me of cheating. Sigh... Thank godness thats not a problem for me anymore.


the only explaination for her reaction is she wanted to be in total of control of your gratification, when (and if) she wanted you to have sex she would provide it. you took that control away and she didnt like it.


----------



## The Chimp

LadyFrogFlyAway said:


> Wow. Has she had a child? I can think of a few words to describe myself in the heat of that experience that would definitely disqualify me from the Ladylike Club.


Yes, two. That was before she reinvented herself as a "lady".


----------



## The Chimp

nice777guy said:


> Have you told her that you have a Man's needs?
> 
> Buy the Fleshlight...


She does not believe that a man's needs are needs. They are wants and can be managed down. And a "gentleman" would not ask a "lady" to do anything like that anyway.


----------



## Randy52

Wife and I have a very satisfying sex life, but we both still ocassionally masturbate in front of each other. While I have not (yet) invested in the "Fleshlight," I do have a couple of other nice feeling, jelly-like masturbation sleeves that she has bought for me. I don't see a problem in either a man OR a woman satisfying themselves solo.


----------



## CH

Lefty and righty are cheaper and they have been loyal through the years. Why betray them now after such devotion and love they've shown through the years!


----------



## nice777guy

LadyFrogFlyAway said:


> Maybe it's just me, but I think the mouth and lips on the Fleshlight look like a mans. They're almost creepy looking.
> 
> There's a cheesy horror movie about zombies, and I don't know the title because I only saw the opening scene, but it starts with this guy getting a killer bj, and then a blood-curdling scream and you are left with the impression that the zombie girl had herself a snack.
> 
> Kinda the impression the Fleshlight gives. lol
> 
> Like I said before, though, the purchasers sure do give it five stars.


Ok - just cancelled my Fleshlight order...


----------



## MarriedWifeInLove

sinnister said:


> I know how sexists it sounds...but I agree.


Well then you better clue my husband in...he has more sex toys than I do...we enjoy them together.

Sexist indeed!!


----------



## Unhappy2011

This thread inspired me to go out and buy one and see for myself.

Ehh....it's alright.


----------



## Lionelhutz

LadyFrogFlyAway said:


> There's a cheesy horror movie about zombies, and I don't know the title because I only saw the opening scene, but it starts with this guy getting a killer bj, and then a blood-curdling scream and you are left with the impression that the zombie girl had herself a snack.


LOL, a BJ from a zombie girl. I thought they only liked brains?


----------



## CH

MarriedWifeInLove said:


> Well then you better clue my husband in...he has more sex toys than I do...we enjoy them together.
> 
> Sexist indeed!!


Blow up dolls?


----------



## Lionelhutz

LadyFrogFlyAway said:


> lol Well, men are always being accused of having their brains you-know-where, so it's kind of fitting.


And I'm guessing that means she swallows


----------



## DawnD

I bought my husband an Avatar fleshlight for our anniversary since he is deployed. He says its okay, which I take to mean its better than getting calluses on his hand......

I did enjoy that it was a blue one hahahahaha


----------



## WhatWhere

Here's a recent article from Salon about male sex toys. I have to admit I voted no in the poll, despite recently purchasing a vibrator for my wife. Good to see the attitude changing.

The male sex toy revolution - Salon — After Dark - Salon.com


----------



## L.M.COYL

The above salon.com article is awesome! There is also a great article about the not-so-new "normal" in hetero sex: facials.


----------



## committed_guy

L.M.COYL said:


> How many have tried or are thinking of getting a Fleshlight because their partner has a low drive.


Yes. My wife is extremely LD and I am committed to our marriage. When we do have sex she requires a condom so I never get the feeling of that flesh-on-flesh contact. So for me the FL is actually keeping me from wandering. It feels pretty darn good and I get to feel the sensation that she doesn't want to give me. I just wish I could share this with her rather than having to keep it secret.


----------



## donny64

In a relationship? No way (unless it was some fantasy of hers and she wanted to use one on me). There had better be enough there to keep me interested sexually. And if I feel a desire to masturbate, my hand works just fine until I get to feel her again. If she got so LD that I felt a need to get one of those to satisfy my needs, we'd be going our separate ways if it didn't correct itself.

And what's with a woman that "requires" a guy to wear a condom in a committed relationship? My ex tried that with me. That was but a small symptom of far greater issues, but we didn't last long after that. Went hand in hand with her LD, no interest in working on things mentality.


----------

