# why does everyone else's husband beg



## dengel (Jan 31, 2011)

OK - I know a lot of people who claim that there husband will beg for sex and since they don't give it to them often - they will JUMP at the chance of having it with there wife. 

My husband seems to think the opposite. He seems to think if I want it, I should ask. The subject came up in the past, because after getting married and having kids - I would start seeing long!!! periods of time where he wasn't asking for sex. I would joke about my friends husbands jumping at the chance. I was never one to like rejection often and I know he isn't the type to want it often. We met in our mid 30's. He's only rejected me a few times (tired, shoulders/back hurts or what ever). That isn't the problem.

I guess I'm baffled at why he feels a women should do the asking. Kind of takes away from the excitement for me. 

The other thing that I think is kind of weird - is when the decision is made to have sex...it's always the same thing. We take off clothes and proceed to do certain things. It's a great time and there is some fooling around involved before intercourse. However, nothing leading up to it at all. No trying to get someone horney, or teasing or any playful ness that leads up to having it. ALWAYS the SAME routine. Hardly any kissing at all, been like that since the beginning though. I thought it was kind of weird at the beginning, but learned to just accept it. Foreplace/sex without kissing. Like maybe 1 minute of kissing at the beginning. LOL. The last time we even had sex was the very end of November and neither of us has asked each other. Not sure if he's waiting for me to ask or what? LOL. It's not like he NEVER asks, because he does or eventually will. I've had a decent share of boyfriends in my life and some long term relationships - and it was never like this. If I wanted my man at the time to be happy, I had better have sex at least once a week or once ever couple of weeks. ; )


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## AgentD (Dec 27, 2010)

He thinks you to need to ask? What? Are you 12 asking for permission from your dad? 

Have you iniated anything on your own, no asking or anything?


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## juniorjoshua (Feb 3, 2011)

I have a problem where my wife doesnt initiate, and its not because she is waiting for me to ask. Or if i dont ask a month or almost two months will go by and she doesnt ask... Or during work week if i dont send her an email, she comes home and says "how come you didnt email me today or call" when i finally got fed up with the comments i said " You have 10 fingers right? so why cant you do the same for me?" we have some issues going on, which is too much to write in this post.


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## dengel (Jan 31, 2011)

Well the other part of the problem - although these sex habits started before this - he sleeps on the couch downstairs and has been for I want to say 6 months or so. He has big back/shoulder problems that he has no time or money to figure out. stems from football mostly back in his High School days. Most nights he sleeps sitting up on the recliner - claims he doesn't have pain or as much pain when sleeping on the couch. He doesn't even look that comfortable. LOL. 

We some-how started the habit a long time ago where sex is initiated by asking. Like hey you in the mood? Or you want to have sex? Pretty blunt I guess. I usually tend to follow into the habits of what the men desired so I feel he is the one that started these habits.

When I've jokingly brought up the subject of friends husbands jumping at the chance literally to having sex - he jokes back saying why not the women ask. I mean I guess I can see a guy feeling horney having his wife tell him that she WANTS him. But just seems opposite to what I'm used to or was used to.


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## Pandakiss (Oct 29, 2010)

my husband dosent ask me for sex either, and will go weeks before thinking about it.

he is one of those guys who is into oral like 99% of the time. so i have to tell him "sex now".

i tell him either that morning what we will be doing later or i will get him to touch me when we are in the bed-not sleeping, just catching up on our day...


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## kendra2705 (Oct 31, 2010)

mine used to go six months before showing the slightest interest , no sex drive, and no interest in it. Still aint got that worry anymore , single again, sex wasn't the only reason .


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## gregj123 (Dec 29, 2010)

Dont get it?????


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## dengel (Jan 31, 2011)

gregj123 said:


> Dont get it?????


don't get what?


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## Well_Spouse (Feb 2, 2011)

Statistics are just that Statistics. Doesn't matter what most other couples do. What affects us directly is our own relationships. Not what some average is. 

Wish I could tell you how to improve the situation. Might be related to hormones or his upbringing/past history. You two would have to do alot of exploring, possibly with the help of a good therapist. IMO


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

No. . .I think I can relate on some level.

Question - did he at the beginning initiate all of the time and then he stopped? After kind of concluding my ex wasn't into it as much as me, I would kind of wait for her "hornyness" to build up. I'll tell you how stupid I was - I waited for years for her to change. . .thinking, "Okay, 38 years is comign up. . .she shold be peaking." LOL. How stupid was I?

There may be a giant communication gap here.

Communicate.

The question for the women of the forum (and you) would be. . .and I know it's general. . .does a guy acting horny make you horny? OR does it just eventually turn you off? I am not so sure what the answer is.

Like if your husband calls you up and says, "Mary. . .I'm going crazy here. I need you home in an hour, clothes off, in bed!" is that a turn on?

Or is it like for women: "Oh jeez, you know. . .I have to get the cat his shots."


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## bluesky (Jan 29, 2011)

It's obviously NEITHER persons job.....both should contribute.


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## lucky_guy (Jan 23, 2011)

Remember the saying "use it or lose it" ? Well thats often true for desire and romance. Its easy to forget, to get out of the habit, of why we found our partner attractive. Or why we wanted sex. There are numerous factors; work, age, medical issues, the ultimate contraceptive in the form of kids.... the list goes on.

The snag is that once our habits have changed, its hard to change them back. 

Example; he's always watching some sports thing on TV and has gotten out of the habit of doing anything with and for his wife.

She's become so accustomed to "T's and jeans" because they are "comfortable" and "her girlfriends are wearing this" that any sex appeal and en-femme has long, long since gone. She'll wear makeup to go to lunch with a girlfriend but not for her husband.

"Why bother" she might say, "he wouldn't notice". Sure he noticed, he noticed when you _stopped_

But then how attractive is a guy sitting around and drinking beer with other guys watching other guys on ESPN with close-up camera shots of guys rear-ends or spitting? (Apparently this is OK, but a more hetrosexual activity of looking at women isn't)

Guys - you did something to attract her in the first place. You still need to do it. 

Actually you BOTH need to do something otherwise the relationship will turn from "being there through mutual attraction" to "being there because its convenient" to "being there because I can't get out, but I have someone on the side" and eventually, divorce.

I hate to say this - but people change and marriages renew and also end all the time.

The woman I married isn't the same as she was over a decade ago - she's better. I'm a lucky guy :smthumbup:


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## dengel (Jan 31, 2011)

I don't know - I guess we both initiated it, but he definitely initiated way more often than now. 

I'm sure communication is part of it. I think a guy acting horney is a turn on. I mean if it was CONSTANT than yes it would probably end up being a turn off. I had a boyfriend once, not for long that just always always wanted it. We did usually only see each other on friday nights and since I dated him for a good 6 months it led to me sleeping over on Friday nights. But he just couldn't get enough of it even after we were DONE (both night and morning). I was like argggg!!!!

But, in general seeing my man horney and wanting me is definetely a turn on!!!!


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## dengel (Jan 31, 2011)

lucky_guy said:


> Remember the saying "use it or lose it" ? Well thats often true for desire and romance. Its easy to forget, to get out of the habit, of why we found our partner attractive. Or why we wanted sex. There are numerous factors; work, age, medical issues, the ultimate contraceptive in the form of kids.... the list goes on.
> 
> The snag is that once our habits have changed, its hard to change them back.
> 
> ...


That was some good advise I must admit. Easier said than done of course. I think it's a combo of things like kids, stress, other problems in the relationship or least from my side of the view, age, and more. It seems like we are more individualized within a marriage bringing up children in some ways.


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## lucky_guy (Jan 23, 2011)

dengel said:


> That was some good advise I must admit. Easier said than done of course. I think it's a combo of things like kids, stress, other problems in the relationship or least from my side of the view, age, and more. It seems like we are more individualized within a marriage bringing up children in some ways.


Let me add - how many Ladies out there dumped the heels for something more practical, but from the guys perspective, dull and sexless?

How many of the guys lost the urge to shave, change the shirt and otherwise groom themselves? Ladies seem to like guys who are well turned out and smell nice.

Be honest Ladies, how many of you wear for "comfort" rather than appearance? The visual difference between a gal and a guy can become far less obvious when she has (convenient) short hair, she's not rounding the twins up in the right direction, wearing the same jeans he is and with gym shoes.

Guys go for gals because...well... they look like gals. If they wanted to live with something looking like a guy, they'd pick one with a man-cave.

Those gals not wanting to live with another gal, look for guys with personality and a nice outward appearance. 

If both genders let things slide, the relationship will end up in the ditch.

Be honest, we have all been there.


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## dengel (Jan 31, 2011)

lucky_guy said:


> Let me add - how many Ladies out there dumped the heels for something more practical, but from the guys perspective, dull and sexless?
> 
> How many of the guys lost the urge to shave, change the shirt and otherwise groom themselves? Ladies seem to like guys who are well turned out and smell nice.
> 
> ...


I don't think is true across the board. I know many people happily married and they don't mind there wifes wearing pants and nice shirts. There may be an age gap with this thinking too as I'm in my 40's now and I'm sure 20 year old men think differently than 40 year old men. When your tired from working all day and/or taking care of newborns or small children believe me there is a lot more your appreciated for than just the clothes your wearing especially when your not even going anywhere.


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## marriedguy (Nov 7, 2009)

sure we have our own interests even when we are married..the husband likes to sit on the couch and watch sports and the woman likes to do her things that her husband isnt into at all..but if one of them is still trying to get the sex going every once in a while, I think its up to the other to do the same..even if we spend more time apart then when we first married, we should still keep each other in mind...thinking about the other person is the key, the problem is when they dont return the affection..
in my case, I always feel my wife doesnt return any affection..so over time I have become more and more distant from her, and trying to talk to her about it never works.

You cant just expect your husband to always ask you for sex..whens the last time you initiated without asking him...just do it, after a few times talk to him and tell him not to ask anymore, but that you want to both initiate, not always alternating, but just constantly..forget about who initiates..as long as your both initiating at least once a week.


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## bluesky (Jan 29, 2011)

I never begged.

Then again, I have a near non existant sex life


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## hubby (Aug 10, 2009)

I think the whole initiation thing is a bit over rated. I say if you want sex and you are not getting it just ask for it. I don't care if you are the one always asking for it. If the sex is good and you are bot in to it, who cares who asks for it. I think tue asking is somewhat of a comfort level thing. 

For us, my wife initiates nearly 100% of the time but I have the higher drive. She initiates often enough to make me more than happy. Yeah I would like to initiate sometimes but she does not like to have to "turn me down" if she is not in the mood. However, if I was nit getting it enough I would start asking. 

Nike said it best, "just do it".
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lucky_guy (Jan 23, 2011)

dengel said:


> I don't think is true across the board. I know many people happily married and they don't mind there wifes wearing pants and nice shirts. There may be an age gap with this thinking too as I'm in my 40's now and I'm sure 20 year old men think differently than 40 year old men. When your tired from working all day and/or taking care of newborns or small children believe me there is a lot more your appreciated for than just the clothes your wearing especially when your not even going anywhere.


Hi dengel, while I appreciate that working, raising kids (etc) *are worthwhile activities*, there is a tendency for the gal's to forget they are female. I'm in my mid 50's and to be honest, I prefer Ladies who look femmine to ones in sweat pants, flat shoes and a baggy T hiding a reality that she's let her body go.

Don't even get me started on the guys because its just as bad, or possibly worse.

Work is a means to an end, not the purpose of life.

Kids are part of life not a reason to let ourselves collapse to feed what will become insatiable family demands.

Both genders remain people throughout all this. If we let ourselves go in favor of something transient (job, kids), we have lost ourselves, and usually our partners as well.

Life is full of choices and each choice has a concequence.


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## ladyybyrd (Jan 4, 2011)

I wish my husband would beg for sex. I am lucky if he wants it once a month. We did have "the talk". I told him I wasn't getting enough. 

My problem is i stopped dressing nice, wearing makeup and such. I did loose a ton of weight (50lbs) and i have managed to keep it off, I only have 7lbs left to go. I just recently started doing these things again for him. I got some sexy lingerie. So we shall see how it all goes. 

I think the bottom line is if you are not happy with yourself others see you the same way. I have never been happy with my body especially now after having my son, but i have to live with it so i might as well like myself the way I am, because if don't no one else will either.


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

begging for anything puts one in a class with dogs. i wouldnt beg anyone for anything.

after reading this thread, couldnt the word beg be replaced with "ask for it more", or do people really want their spouse to beg?


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## MarriedWifeInLove (May 28, 2010)

We both used to initiate pretty equally.

Then it turned into me initiating only or it wouldn't happen.

Then it turned into me initiating and him always rejecting.

And that's where I stand now and I don't even know why and how in the hell to fix it - nothing has worked so far!

If he keeps saying yes and you have to initiate - then so what - at least you're getting to have sex with your husband - why in the world does it matter who reaches out first - just as long as he takes your hand when its offered.

Marriage is not a contest - where you add up who does what first, second, etc. It's a partnership that takes two, mature adults who want to be together and who are willing to do whatever it takes to keep the marriage together and happy for both partners.

If it has to be you, then so what. Someone has to make the first move.


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

I thought begging was foreplay.

Huh!


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## gregj123 (Dec 29, 2010)

dengel said:


> don't get what?


Why women have to beg for sex from thier husbands?????!!! come on I would jump at any chance


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