# Would You Change Past Events / Personal Decisions If You Could?



## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

So if you had the ability to relay a message to yourself in the past advising yourself against a decision you made, would you do it, not knowing fully what the consequences could be?

What made me think of this, I was watching the movie Frequency this weekend (one of my all time favorites, if you haven't seen I highly recommend). Without giving away too much for those who haven't seen, a son (grown up) is able to communicate with his father in the past, warning him of a life event. The father acts on this, sidesteps the life event, but serious unintended consequences follow.

With me, one example would be college. The University I went to was 3rd on my list (realistically it wasn't even on my radar). In the end, even though I much preferred my other options, I couldn't beat getting a full ride to this University, so that determined my choice. Now, had I chosen differently, my career path could look very different then it does now (could be good or bad, my debt situation would have undoubtedly been worse lol?). I would have never met my wife whom I did meet in college (I know some here are probably popping some champagne at the thought of this ), my kids wouldn't exist, etc.... 

Just meant to be a fun thread as I am sure at some point we have all looked back at our pasts wishing we could have made different decisions, or even just wondering how things would have turned out with different decisions.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Tricky. I couldn't as it might result in my son and several other relatives not existing. Not fair to them.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Ohhhhh yes 100% if I could message back my 25 year old self and say "follow your instinct don't marry a cheater" I would !


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## nirvana (Jul 2, 2012)

We got married and I knew my wife though super smart, had a hard time in undergrad and in a ****ty program, so I got her enrolled her into an Info Tech related Masters program. She did very well and got 4.0/4.0 GPA. Then she got pregnant and we had our first child. 

I should have urged her to get back into looking for a job about a year after delivery. Instead, I was "understanding" and said she could take her time. Her friends were all SAHMs but without her level of education or intellect. She slid into the mom role and being smart, became a super mom. I realized that this was going too far and began to be more forceful in urging her to look for a job. Got her enrolled into some classes to get some vital skills, and helped her find something though she did a lot of work herself. 

She is now working and happy with better self confidence levels, but I think my mistake was that I should have pushed for it 10 years ago. When I talked about this in the Ladies forum, they jumped on me and said I had no right to "force" her what to do. Well, we don't work that way. We are a family, and we do what is right. Sometimes I am not thinking right, and my wife "forces" me. I know she loves me, so I do as I am told. Example is diet. I just eat what I am given and I know she has my best interests in mind. Even now, she gets a glass of some Vitamix concocted juice and merely says "drink this." 

Losses:
1. Her self confidence. She felt she had a Masters degree, but still a SAHM.
2. Loss of financial power. I had to support all of us myself.
3. I became risk averse in career. It's not easy for non-white people to take risks because of lack of network and subtle racism. If she was working, I would have taken more risks and gone places.
4. She had no empathy for my career issues, she would dismiss it with "you need to work harder".
5. She became a super mom. That meant taking me for granted because she knew I wouldn't go anywhere. If I complained, she says "What?? You are objecting to me taking care of YOUR kids?" (note how she says "your" when they are our kids).


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## skype (Sep 25, 2013)

No, I wouldn't change a thing. All my lessons in life came from my mistakes. I had to learn the hard way every time. I understand what Leonard Cohen means: "There is a crack in everything. That's how the light gets in."


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

I would give myself a lot of advice (education, career path, investing, etc.), but the most important would be to not marry my first wife. Marry someone else, or wait for the right time to meet the true love of my life. I would also emphasize that doing many of the things I actually did were good choices, and to keep those even when changing other things.


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## Jung_admirer (Jun 26, 2013)

EllisRedding said:


> So if you had the ability to relay a message to yourself in the past advising yourself against a decision you made, would you do it, not knowing fully what the consequences could be?


Sure, but my past self wouldn't have listened ... he was messed up!


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

Yes, lots of them. None I care to share, and marrying my jackass STBX isn't even one of them. (Reconciling with him is, though.....ok I just shared one.)


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening all
Hindsight is great. I would have picked a different career path knowing now things that I could not have possibly known back then.

Its easy to try to apply the same to people, but you STILL don't know what choosing differently might have lead to.


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## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

What past events I wish I could change I cannot; can one choose their parents? And if I had not made some of the decisions that I had made, good and bad I would have nothing to teach my sons. Bad personal decision are important teaching tools, just like failures. Thus had I not made some of the bad decisions and learned the lessons, where would I be now? 

Simple answer to both: I cannot/and no.


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## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

Married but Happy said:


> I would give myself a lot of advice (education, career path, investing, etc.), but the most important would be *to not marry my first wife*. Marry someone else, or wait for the right time to meet the true love of my life. I would also emphasize that doing many of the things I actually did were good choices, and to keep those even when changing other things.


I think a lot of people here would agree with *this one*, me included.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

I would love to change some of my past decisions to get Taco Bell for dinner


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

Yes, absolutely.

But thankfully almost none of them are changes that I still couldn't make in my life today (or already are in the midst of).


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

the answer is always Kill Hitler.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

For me, though I am not a man, the answer would be No. Not because I made all the best choices, far from it! But I am who I am, for better or for worse, today because of those choices. Looking back is to akin to regret for me. I don't do regret. I WILL choose to learn from my mistakes. And be grateful for their learning opportunity.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

I'd be tempted to get a message to myself to treat myself and my wife better. But Nobodyspecial makes a good point. Sometimes the way we learn and improve is by screwing up.


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## LBHmidwest (Jan 3, 2014)

yes


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## bbdad (Feb 11, 2013)

No, I would not. I have had many ups and downs, but am proud of the man, father and husband that I am today. All of the sh!t I went through up to this point got me here.

So, I would not want to risk messing it all up to get somewhere different.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

* Only two discernible changes: (1) Would have finished law school and (2) Would not have married my rich, skanky XW, but probably that very special gal from Minnesota that I went with prior to meeting the skank instead!*


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## Vorlon (Sep 13, 2012)

This thread makes me feel old. Looking back I see many things that a part of me wishes he could change. But the unintended consequences are too numerous and the risks too great. I've learned many a hard lesson along the way. 

A message back to a younger self would probably have been ignored anyway. Because I wasn't ready or mature enough to hear it. 

But if I could change anything I wish that I had been less selfish, more direct and honest and hurt less peoples feelings along the way. 

I was rarely ever malicious or mean and never intentionally hurt anyone's feelings yet the result was the same because I was simply too immature and self-focused to see my actions as others would. 

Then again even if I was more mature there is no guarantee that anything would have been truly different in the big picture. Maybe I just would have had other issues instead. So no! I wouldn't change anything now even though I would love to have removed some of the things I said and did. 

Well that was a deep moment.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

I would not buy the following lemons

Porsche 914
MGB GT
Mustang Mach 1
Corvair Monza
Mitsubishi Galant
Ford Focus SVT


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## Joey2k (Oct 3, 2014)

Start working out and running sooner. 

Don't join the military right out of high school. And if you do, don't get yourself kicked out a couple of years later. 

Go to college first, at least for your AA, before you forget all that math that you never use in real life.

Forgiveness is not always divine; often it just lets the other person know what they can get away with.

What you want in a relationship is just as important as what she wants.



Runs like Dog said:


> the answer is always Kill Hitler.


Time Travel Hitler Photo by drmabuse06 | Photobucket


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

Vorlon said:


> Well that was a deep moment.


Reminds me of that SNL skit "Deep Thoughts" By Jack Handy


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## RClawson (Sep 19, 2011)

Runs like Dog said:


> I would not buy the following lemons
> 
> Porsche 914
> MGB GT
> ...


At first I thought your handle was commentary on how you ran but after seeing your vehicle list I realize it's completely about the cars you have owned. Ouch!


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## Shoto1984 (Apr 11, 2009)

I saw a restored 914 today. 

Yes, I would tell myself to aim much higher. To be more open to opportunities. That a little college debt is OK. Not to think I was going to change the world and to know that I could still find a way to be successful in it without sacrificing my values.


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## MarriedDude (Jun 21, 2014)

I would go back to 1986 and convince my dad to invest in Microsoft instead of the miniature speedboat company. 

Those speedboats were fun but.......damn it!!!!!!!!


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## Amorous (May 14, 2015)

I would have had a destination wedding instead of trying so hard to include my whole family and waste our money and effort.

So no life changing stuff so far.


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## imperfectworld (Jan 18, 2015)

My mother emotionally and physically abused me. When I was about 16 I nearly threw a punch at her. I could have done it! It might have even shook up the family situation earlier with a better result for all.


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## askari (Jun 21, 2012)

I know Nirvana has had his knuckles wrapped afew times on here, but what he says above regarding 'doing what is right' is absolutely on the nail.

We all have responsibilities in life. If we didn't do our 'bit' life as we know it wouldn't exist. 
When I was a cop and was on early shift (6am start) I had to get up at 4.30am. I hated it but I had a responsibility, people relied on me. So I got up and did my job....after my shift I could relax knowing that others had taken over and I could relax.

It is the same in marriage, when you say 'I do' you are basically signing a contract...making this 'marriage' work means taking responsibility. 
If you want to buy a bigger & better house it means you need more money, so you both work.
The husband, say, ensures the cars are serviced and insured, whilst the wife makes sure the electricity bill is paid.

Sex is the same. He might (he WILL, all men do!) like BJ's, she might not like giving them but because she loves him etc she does it occasionally etc.

You simply cannot say; 'Right, I want to be a cop but I am not prepared to work shifts'...'I want to be a doctor but I'm not going to look down peoples throats'....'I want to be married but I am not prepared to 'with my body I thee honour'...'I want children but am not prepared to be woken at 2am when they need feeding, or attend a school event they are in'..

Life doesn't work like that. To enjoy the 'good' things in life you have to accept the 'not so' good things.

To come back onto the actual thread....I would have worked harder at school and I certainly wouldn't have married my wife.


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

Funny, this hypothetical time travel scenario has crossed my mind before! Total fantasy-land!

There's a couple of things I'd do (some stupid, some intelligent...)

- I'd have punched the guy who dated my ex gf right after she broke up with me when I was 18 in the face. Mainly because he rubbed it in a little bit and I probably looked like a p***y.

- I would have bailed on my ex wife during the first few months we were dating. In retrospect, the warning signs were there at that point. Instead, 14 years (many good, to be fair) were generally wasted.

- I would not have had a vasectomy at such a young age (26) simply because my ex wife didn't want kids AT ALL, and I didn't care either way. I care now.

- I would have told early-30's me about TAM, so I would have caught my ex wife cheating (100's of red flags by that time, but complete and utter naiveté on my part). And consequently booted her out of my life.

- Had I done the above at that time, it's entirely possible I could have got together with my current wife prior to her entering into a not-very-good relationship that resulted in a child with him. That child could have been mine (see the vasectomy bit above!)


But all in all, everything happens as it should, so there's no sense in going back in changing things. None of the above are regrets, they're just things that one may wish played out differently.


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## Constable Odo (Feb 14, 2015)

I would not change a single thing I have done in the past. Every decision I have ever made in my life has been the right decision. That is, at the time I made the decision, it was the right one based on the facts I had available to me at the moment I made it. Naturally, in hindsight, some of those decisions have not been correct. However, I'm not blessed with prescience.

The decisions I have made in life have formed the basis for who I am today. Had I not made them, and lived with the consequences, whether good or bad, I would be a different person today than I am. I would be at a different place in life, I would not be with the woman I am with. And, I am content with who I am, and have no regrets.


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## 2&out (Apr 16, 2015)

A few things. Kept the '68 hemi GTX I had. Taken the promotion I was offered and moved me and kids to corporate headquarters area. Taken the advice some gave me to not marry 2nd wife. Play with my kids more than I did when they were little.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

RClawson said:


> At first I thought your handle was commentary on how you ran but after seeing your vehicle list I realize it's completely about the cars you have owned. Ouch!


Both, sort of. Haven't run as much this year - coping with persistent injuries. But yes, that's just a subset of the Chateau Mal Chien stable of terrible cars. OTOH I had a slough of old Datsuns, Toyotas, Hondas, a Porsche 356B, a Saab 96, which have been more or less solid. I even had 2 old Renaults. I had an old BMW 525i which was great until the controller unit on the transmission failed, breaking the transmission and needing a $9000 replacement. 

BTW if you ever find a 914 for sale check the hood carefully to ensure it's not even a slightly different color than the rest of the car. Check on the flipside of the hood for any charring or re-welds. Suckas would catch on fire a LOT; design flaw routing all fuel and oil lines under the battery pan which would leak, melt the hoses and spray gas around the engine compartment. 

The Corvair was a nice car - when it ran. I don't think GM ever figured out why it would throw pushrods. Maybe the compression was bit too high.

The MG was a maintenance nightmare. Pretty much tune the engine every 30 days including new plugs and valve adjustments. Compared to the rat trap TR6 which burned oil like a 3rd world tire fire, it was actually 'refined'. 

The 69 Mach 1 blew a 351 Cleveland then blew the replacement 351 as well. 

The Galant is hands down the second worst new car I ever bought. It literally fell apart on the street in motion at 50,000 miles. 

I put the Focus in the list because while it's an ok ricer-ish car, servicing it is horrendous. Truly frightening how screwed up the placement and arrangement of everything is. The only thing worse was a 63 Porsche Carrera 2 with the Furhman 547 tinkertoy engine where you needed to take the engine out of the car to change the 8 sparkplugs. 

Moreover if Ford could make a custom plastic electrical connector that only they use, they used it on that car. There is virtually no OEM market for almost anything electrical or mechanical. And who ever heard of a stress bearing ball joint on a moving pantogram for the wiper blades made out of plastic? 

Anyway the graveyard of messed up junk at Chateau Mal Chien is quite extensive.


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## NoIinThreesome (Nov 6, 2007)

Would not have married ex wife.

Would not have had kids.

Would have finished school rather than leaving 5 classes short.

Would have dated more. Much more.


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## quiesedba (Apr 19, 2015)

never married..... never married....never married..... and I was not cheated on either.... 

marriage sucks.... I'm sick of being with my wife.... shes a ****ing bore...sucks the will to live out of me.


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## Jetranger (May 31, 2013)

Would tell myself in grade 10 to stop lusting after the popular pretty unattainable girls, and go for the 4’11” flat chested short haired quirky one who had a huge crush on me. It was only a few years later (while still at high school) what a jerk I’d been, how she’d been perfect for me (physically and mentally), and by then she’d left the school.

Would tell myself in grade 12 that computing and IT was not the field to pursue, nor was creative writing.

Would tell myself, when about to graduate, NOT to move to the UK with my family, to stay in Canada.

Would tell myself, when about to graduate university (in the UK), that I should go back to Canada right away… as otherwise I’d be stuck there for another decade, because the girl I was staying for would slowly start to make me regret staying over the course of that decade.


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## Idyit (Mar 5, 2013)

Less intense about athletics and moreso for academics in high school
Avoid the event where I broke my hand that lead to the loss of a D1 athletic scholarship
Don't make that last ski run that dismantled my leg 
Cancel the plans for the night that left me with a TBI

Wake up more nights when the kids were young
Balance quality of life and work better.

~ Passio


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

When my ex wife threw her engagement ring at me during an argument before we got married, I should have kept it and called the whole thing off, instead of caving to the tearful begging to get it back.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

Oh, and that great idea to stage a running car to car fireworks fight through downtown in the middle of the night?

In retrospect, that probably wasn't such a great idea.

Although watching my buddy's "lethal weapon" style mullet go up in flames was pretty cool.


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## ChargingCharlie (Nov 14, 2012)

Reviving a semi-zombie thread because I'm in a mood....

1. Would not have married my wife. She was companionship and sex, but now I can't stand to be around her most of the time - she's immature and lazy. Complains about her weight and how she looks, and talks about getting up early to exercise and wants to start eating right, but instead stays up playing games then gets up with the kids, and eats crap food. My happiest times are when it's just the kids and me, no wife - this is sad, but that's the way I feel. 

2. Piggybacking somewhat on #1, never would have tried internet dating. Only had one serious relationship up to age 33 that lasted six months, and did internet dating when my best friend at the time (who wasn't dating anyone either) met his wife, so I figured that I'd better meet someone. This led to meeting the wife, and I'd rather be single now. 

3. Would have asked out the woman that I met via my cousin around the time that I started internet dating. She's the same ethnicity/religion as me, has a nice outgoing personality, and is an attractive woman. Found out after I got married that she wanted to go out with me, and my cousin never told me (told my mom that I could have asked her for the friend's phone number). This woman is still single, and saw her briefly at a family occasion - she's still attractive both physically and personality-wise.


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## toonaive (Dec 13, 2012)

Wolf1974 said:


> Ohhhhh yes 100% if I could message back my 25 year old self and say "follow your instinct don't marry a cheater" I would !


This. It would have changed alot of the past 25 years. At the very least, I would should have waited. Maybe during then she might have matured more.


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## toonaive (Dec 13, 2012)

marduk said:


> When my ex wife threw her engagement ring at me during an argument before we got married, I should have kept it and called the whole thing off, instead of caving to the tearful begging to get it back.


Yea, some sort of chemicals in those tears.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Would not have given up my career and may not have moved to my H home country at the very beginning.


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## Jung_admirer (Jun 26, 2013)

I would have taken care of my psychological health before I graduated college. The FOO stuff dies hard-


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## Lionelhutz (Feb 2, 2012)

I can think of several things I would like to go back and change BUT, and this is the a big BUT, I can't really think any me with different choices would be happy if that alternate life didn't involve my kid. I think a completely different me with no memory of this life may enjoy a different life path but not this me. However that completely different me would not truly appreciate the value of the different choice because there would be no point of comparison.

With that huge caveat, as a starting point I would choose a different career path. I don't like what I do and would like the past several years back working at something I didn't find either boring or awful.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

"Pssst---Fozzy.....the word from the future is--buy low, sell high!"


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

Fozzy said:


> "Pssst---Fozzy.....the word from the future is--buy low, sell high!"


Is this stock market or dating advice lol???


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## scatty (Mar 15, 2013)

I would not change anything about my past. I learned some painful lessons and truths in my early years. Sometimes I was devastated I would not be who I am today without it, though.


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## Methuselah (Nov 24, 2014)

I would send a message back to my younger self telling him not to reject willingly-offered blow-jobs in exchange for asking for anal.


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## ChargingCharlie (Nov 14, 2012)

What I would tell my younger self:

1. Sell your investments in Feb 2000 before the tech bubble hit and go to cash. 

2. Don't get intimate right away - it's fun at the time, but clouds your thinking to the point that 15 years later you're stuck in a marriage with a woman that you don't love. 

3. For business, don't take on any client that walks in the door (my partners and I learned this the hard way early on - thankfully, we've learned from this experience).


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## ocotillo (Oct 17, 2011)

EllisRedding said:


> So if you had the ability to relay a message to yourself in the past advising yourself against a decision you made, would you do it, not knowing fully what the consequences could be?
> 
> What made me think of this, I was watching the movie Frequency this weekend...


_Frequency_ is one of my favorite movies too.

When the life of John Sullivan (Jim Caviezel) is suddenly rewritten, it's clearly a big shock to him and the changes weren't all for the better. 

I would imagine that the older you get, the worse this would be. So I would say, "No." Even if I could, I would not screw with my past unless there was one helluva good reason. 

Yahoo!


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## PearlSnaps (Oct 29, 2013)

My choice of college major. I chose something that I wasn't very good at based on being accepted to a fairly prestigious degree program. I should have been focused on what I enjoyed doing and wanted to focus on the rest of my life. 

While successful academically and with extra curricular activities in high school, I began to experience a series of failures in college that had farther-reaching implications that I realized at the time. I just wasn't all that interested in what I was studying and my performance proved it.

I've managed to get back toward those things that I enjoy and have found greater success career-wise and in life in general. However, it was like turning an aircraft carrier; it took 10 years. Had I realized this sooner I wonder how many other things would've taken a turn for the better - including a failed marriage?

Let me end this on a positive note ..I'm greatful that I've had the chance to do so!


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## moco82 (Jul 16, 2012)

Go to a better college--you'll laugh at the difference in tuition later. Talk to that girl. Leave that relationship, you don't need an additional 2 years to confirm it's gone sour. Work out an additional time a week. And stretch before working out. Don't be afraid of cheap travel: if you have an opportunity to go to a new continent, do it.


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

I wouldn't go back and change any of my choices based on what I know now. What I WOULD want to do is go back and nurture and advise my younger self. I never had any real guidance as a kid or as a teenager. I was super smart, so all the adults figured I could work sh!t out on my own--I wasn't a problem kid, so no one paid any attention to me, so no one noticed that I had no idea what I was doing with my life. But even worse, I didn't really understand what my options were--I didn't know my own potential because I didn't have anyone encouraging me, but even worse was the fact that my mother actively DIScouraged me. 

So I would like to take a younger FiP under my wing to give her the love and emotional support she wasn't getting elsewhere, and give her some advice on how to figure out what she really wants. Make sure that she has all the information she needs to make the best decisions, because the other adults in my life surely weren't providing any guidance or help at all. But then let younger FiP do with it what she will. 

I think I would have made better decisions/choices if I had someone like that in my life... but I didn't. And I'm not going to pin-point and say, I would go back and change this or change that, because who knows how it would have turned out, or how those specific choices might have affected my life? If I chose B instead of A, I could be dead now because it would have changed my entire life trajectory.


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