# I think I'm too late.



## xBlitzkriegx (Mar 23, 2011)

Hello,

i really wish i wasnt writing this post but im at work at i dont have anyone else to talk to. im half looking for answers, half looking for reassurance. i dunno. ill just type and what comes out make sense.

im 32. my wife is 34. i met my wife through my mothers job. i went in the the AF shortly after i met my wife. we continued a relationship after i came back form basic. we had a distance relationship for some time. this started to go south because, well, lets face it, 650 miles is a long way and months at a time is hard. i stopped calling her or avoided her. that ended up in her cheating on me then. she said she went to someone who cared. long story short, we reconcilled that and we were married 2.5 months later on Valentine's Day.

unfortunately, most of our 9 years of marriage has been filled with anger, hostility, physical violence, emotional abuse, you name it. pretty much the combo plate of what not to do. we both did things to each other that wed never thought wed do. our highs were very high and our lows were lower than low. i recently changed bases about a 1.5 years ago. right before we moved she told me that things needed to change. i agreed but ultimately did nothing about my actions. i suppose she didnt either at least not at first.

she became fed up with her currently situation and became close with her high school sweetheart who just happened to be going thru a separation/divorce at that time. well the emotionally bonded and my wife had an affair with him on 2 occasions over 2 months. i saw the signs but never reacted. on the phone all the time, staying up way late. ect ect. 

a short time after that she admitted to me that she wanted a divroce and i naturally freaked out. crying blah blah blah. she didnt admit to me that she was having an affair but i grew suspicious so i used a keylogger to confirm and sure enough i caught her. 

we started seeing a chaplain on base who meant well but i dont think my wife was in it. we went to a marriage retreat and she later admitted that she didnt want to go to it after the fact. we kind of stopped going to the chaplain because of work and deployments on his end. 

fast fwd to Christmas and my wife is on the verge of leaving again, she leaves and we spend 2 days apart between Christmas and New Year's. she decides to give me "one last chance". well i guess i blew it.

after we get back we go to marriage counseling and we start to address issues but nothing much changes on either end. at some point in the recent past during all of this i tell her that i wish that if she did want to go, that she should just leave when im gone because it would be easier for all involved. i rationalized that i would try to stop her from leaving [ not violently ] if she told me. 

on march 9th she did just that. she packed everything in her car that would fit to include our 2.5 year old and left me a note says that she cant stand it anymore and needs space. i was devistated and left for her mothers house that night in a panic. i met her there and we had normal conversation about what happened and she insisted on keeping her space from me stating that she "needs time to think". 

its been extremely hard to do so. i call at 7pm to talk to my child and i inevitably end up talking to her too. sometimes the conversation is fine and we finish up with "i love you's" and all is well. other times its me degenerating down to i love you, i miss you, how can you ever try to trust me from 300 miles away? that doesnt do good.

last night was kind of a tipping point for me and i told her that her being gone was killing me. i also miss my child so much it hurts physically. im having trouble with sleep and ive lost 7 lbs in less than a week. i told her that she has until the end of this month to make a decision or ill make my decision because i just cant take this hell anymore. im having second thoughts about the deadline but i also do not like that shes eating her cake and having it too. i ask her how much time she needs and i get the std i dont know. she probably doesnt know and i suppose to a certain degree i understand. my issue is that im not seeing anything on her in on what to do about any of it. 

theres so much more to this on both sides. i had issues with my parents relationship and how it hurt me, how my mother treated/leaned on me after they divorced ( i was 15 ). i talked to her about how i felt she used me as an emotional crutch and controlled my life...or tried to. i let her ultimately. we even shared a checking account together but i did not have 1 with my wife. ive made ALOT of recent changes in my life after talking to a counselor [ the same one from earlier this year ]. 

long story short, im not sure if i made the right move last night or not by telling her she has a deadline for making a decision or im divorcing her. i feel that i have no poweri nthis situation and she is using this as a way to make me suffer. she says shes not but she acknowledges how i feel because she said thats how she felt for years. i do not want to do that but this hell im feeling is eating me up and its invading every facet of my life. i hurt from the time i wake up till the time i go to bed. i cant sleep when i do go to bed and when i do fall asleep, i wake up often. despite that, the house is still being kept up. 2200sq ft is alot of house when youre alone! im also feeding her cat.

im not entirely sure why imposting this, i guess to get an impartial view on this. i dont think or expect to hear anything profound here because really, all the answers laying within my wife.


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## attmay13 (Mar 17, 2011)

My wife has told me that samething about the space and needing time to think. I messed up becuase I called her(she asked for two weeks) It has now been over 1 month almost two and still not much in the way of talking to her. I told her that I would not be the one to file and if she wanted out then she would have to go down and file for herself. I also told her that I was not going to call or text begging for her to give me another chance. I started the 180. Im giving her what she wanted in teh frist place space and time to think. It hard as hell I know but if you try to show her that you can live without her and go on with your day to day life maybe she will she that you dont NEED her but WANT her in your life. I dont know for sure because Im still in the middle of the 180. I will say that after you start it and you set your mind to it, it does get easier but at frist its HARD. I have lost 21 lbs so I know what you are talking about it sux! Good luck with what you come up with and I hope that it works for you


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## xBlitzkriegx (Mar 23, 2011)

interesting. 

i like how you put the idea of "maybe she will see that you dont NEED her but WANT her in your life." thats exectly what i want to show her. i wish i could have said that myself, maybe i have already.

i broke my own promise already about not contacting because i felt guilty about setting the deadline. i told her that i do want her to take her time but this is absolutley tearing me to pieces. she said she intended to read some of the book "Co-Dependent No More", then sit down and write out the pros and cons of staying. while im happy for this i feel she only did this because of the deadline.

part of me feels like im forcing her to do something she doesnt want to do but another part of me is saying that i needed to do this in order to move this process along. in the end, im ok if she leaves, i just want this conflict to be over for the both of us.


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## attmay13 (Mar 17, 2011)

xBlitzkriegx said:


> interesting.
> 
> i like how you put the idea of "maybe she will see that you dont NEED her but WANT her in your life." thats exectly what i want to show her. i wish i could have said that myself, maybe i have already.
> 
> ...


Well start NOW with the space! Its hard as H3LL but you can do it. Trust me it gets easier from day to day. The pros and cons part, have you done that for yourself? I have! You have to stay moving and doing so you are not thinking about her. I have done thing that I havent done sence high school to keep my mind off of call her or texting her. Stay busy! The part of "forcing her" you can not make someones mind up for them they have control of that not you! Change what you can and dont stress on what you cant. It will drive you nuts I know! I know this sounds hard and I know that I more then likely I sound cold, but it has helped me. One day at a time. Have a notebook handy and write down what you want to say to her and that way you dont call her! Then when the time is right you have all these things that you two can talk about or it could show you that you really dont want her. Thats just some of the things that I am doing, you may come up with things of your own. Me just throughing out some ideas.:smthumbup:


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## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

I have been pretty NC with my W for about 6 weeks, we have been separated for about 3 months, only contact is sms to her asking her to say goodnight to our boys as her mobile is the only phone they have. Real hard at first, but it does get easier as time goes by.

Today I had an email reply from her, she used the word 'please', that is a first in 3 months, no idea whats going on, don't really care that much either to be honest, don't get me wrong, still love her, but if she said to me 'can we try again' I would have to have a damn long hard think about it...

So you need to go NC as much as possible, keep yourself as busy as possible, and spend time here, reading others posts, and ask questions and do what ever it takes for you to get your head back on right.


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## xBlitzkriegx (Mar 23, 2011)

we stilltalk regularly because she has our child. she told me last night that when she leaves the house, she wears the wedding rings. 

i guess the hardest part is her telling her that she doesnt know how much time she needs or when she will actually make a decision. 

i have alot to work on my own, namely control issues. we have been seeing a marriage counselor. i now see him alone and i asked him how i am supposed to get past this. he basically said that i wont until i get past my fear of abandonment. im having a hard time with that since i dont feel sincere when i try to think about it. i dont feel like i was but if i give you my story im pretty sure youll agree with him.


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## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

xBlitzkriegx said:


> we stilltalk regularly because she has our child. she told me last night that when she leaves the house, she wears the wedding rings.
> 
> i guess the hardest part is her telling her that she doesnt know how much time she needs or when she will actually make a decision.
> 
> i have alot to work on my own, namely control issues. we have been seeing a marriage counselor. i now see him alone and i asked him how i am supposed to get past this. he basically said that i wont until i get past my fear of abandonment. im having a hard time with that since i dont feel sincere when i try to think about it. i dont feel like i was but if i give you my story im pretty sure youll agree with him.


would have to know the story before I could think about it...
Good that you are seeing a MC still, it will help.
Don't fear telling your story here, everyone here has a story to tell, some good, some not so good.


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## attmay13 (Mar 17, 2011)

Crankshaw said:


> would have to know the story before I could think about it...
> Good that you are seeing a MC still, it will help.
> Don't fear telling your story here, everyone here has a story to tell, some good, some not so good.


Amen to that. Could have said it any better. Let it roll on out there we dont judge!


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## DjF (Nov 24, 2010)

As long as you love her, it's never too late...use this time to work on yourself...you already admitted you have issues, so work on those...work on being the best person you can be...hopefully, she will see that too!

and Thank you for your service!


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## xBlitzkriegx (Mar 23, 2011)

well ok. this is going to be a LOOONG post. i must say that im a little nervous telling all this to strangers...

i had a decent childhood up until i was about 7-8. after that, my parents fought alot, like everynight. my dad stopped comming home regularly. he became abusive towards me. i was so afraid of him that when i he came home, i had an uncontrollable urge to go pee if he got home before mom did. he would stay gone for days/weeks at a time without any contact at all. i can count on 1 hand the number of times we did anything together as father and son. he didnt physically abuse mom that i ever saw [ no bruises ] but he broke everything around him. walls, cars, anything. he was a heavy heavy drinker and did drugs. mainly weed but alot of it. he then moved to cocaine when i was about 10-11. stuff got REALLY bad then. when i got spanked [ for everything little thing ], he would beat me for as long as he could or until mom "saved me". "thats enough XXXX!!!!" kind of thing. most times we did the circle of death as i call it. you know, circle spanks. belts, switches, whatever. i had welts and brusies frequently. when he was gone, i was glad but i missed him too. more glad though. dad had a good stable job as an excellent mechanic. 

mom worked and didnt come home until 5-530pm most nights. she was the "Stable" person in my life. though she wasnt mean to me so to speak, she was still pretty violent too when my parents fought. she demanded that my father "give up" his check to her so they could pay bills. i can see now that she was desperate for control in her life. soon after dad started doing his thing, mom started latching on to animals. we did live on 3 acres and we had a pond. however, "we" had 2 horses, at least 15 cats, 4 dogs, and 2 ducks. we also had 8 chickens for a time. mom would sell the kittens and puppies for a small profit but lied about what they were presumably to make them more attractive to buyers. she did make sure they had current shots though. they were legit enough i guess heh. anyways, when mom did punish me it was usually pretty violent. shes thrown full cans of various foods at me. ive been spanked with a knife(!). that was pretty scarry. i remember a time when i literally spilled milk and i started crying uncontrollably because i thought i was about to get my ass handed to me. mom didnt freak out, she just helped me clean it up and i remember thinking how odd it was that she didnt get mad. she has also punched me in the face once. i wont say i deserved it but i did call her a *****. 

i was 15 when they finally ended it. their breakup was pretty bad. dad left one day for good and mom completely broke down. i was so mad that i walked out back and grabbed this HUGE pipe wrench and started beating the pillar of our barn for as long as i had strength. i didnt really hurt the pillar but i remember thinking i wish i had. after that, they broke each others restraining orders, put each other in jail. dad came back when we were gone and "stole" what was his. mom returned the favor by breaking in the house of the girl he was staying with and took some of "her stuff" back. i spent the weekend at my dads new place. it was horrible cause he was working as a bar bouncer and his g/f was a bartender/waitress. she was not attractive at all, too bad for dad heh. i really didnt have anything against her but i didnt like her just the same. i just remember thinkin that dad should have waited until the divorce was over before doing all that. 

during the divorce process i met my first love. we hit it off spendidly and i would say that we had a positive, good relationship. probably the only bad thing that happened was that we had to go thru an abortion together. i was prepared to finish school [ near end of junior year ] and work a night job to save up, but her father literally drove her to the abortion clinic and parked the car there. told her there were 2 ways home, in the car or on her feet. pretty rough stuff. even through that though our relationship did very well. our relationship only ended because mom "was forced" to move away from dad. even after the divorce was final, they bickered. mom put the house up on the market and it sold in 3 weeks, we moved away the day after school ended on my junior year. i didnt want to go and put up a fight. i walked out the door with my g/f at my side. my mother made me take off my shoes because she payed for them, so i walked about 5 miles on the road with no shoes because i was determined to find a roommate and get a part time job [ i have faith in myself that i would have succeeded back then ]. i didnt want to leave plus i knew the real reason she was leaving and it pissed me off. we left because she couldnt deal with the pain. i was utterly crushed and devastated. my g/f was too. my heart actually hurt after she told me that we couldnt be together anymore. time moves on but i remember spending that summer completely alone in a new place with no friends and telling myself that i would never be that hurt again. i guess i can say that i hadnt been that hurt until i found out my wife had an affair. well, actually i was more mad than sad so maybe i wasnt that hurt by it. 

not long after the move, we ended up movign in with my grandparents to take care of them [ not my idea but i again didnt have much choice ]. they couldnt afford a retirement home and the rest of the family could/didnt care or whatever the excuse was. so heres mom, flying to the rescue. during that time i had a decent job for a 17-20 year old. we moved 3 or 4 times during that perdion and i had trouble keeping the same job. i was able to transfer to a different location at 1 point but i had to stop working there because it was 38 miles each way at 1 point. i got a job local there that was nights, 6pm-4am mon-fri. sounds good at first but i again was the new guy and had problems making friends or finding places to hang out. i had little friends from the time i was 17-21. id say less than 4 close friends during that time and because of the moves i had to let go of them each time. when i was 21, my grandmother passed away and it was at the time i needed a change. unfortunately i got laid off [ i didnt get fired i swear lol ], i was falling 3 months behind on "rent" that my mother is making me pay her. my Aunt and i went to the recruiting station and i went in the AF. mom wasnt thrilled but she didnt cling THAT bad. she wasnt calling me non stop or anything.

when i was 17/18 i got a checking account with my mother. from that day until last weekened ive maintained that account as my account with my mother has been on it. she uses the account too. the money is pooled together and she has full access to it while my wife does not. i am not proud of this but i didnt change it because it was easy to have someone take care of me. flat out. my wife has always been pissed at this and understandably so. i always knew it was wrong but i was scared to do anything about it. its alot of stuff to carry over...blah blah excuses really. my mother also tells me "what "wife's" problem is" and "shes just this kind of person". "you too should not be together, youre too different." my mother had even told her mother and GRANDMOTHER, TO THIER FACE, that my wife [ then g/f ] was supposed to be "just a lay for when i came home from basic." of course i didnt stand up to my mother. i didnt approve but i just couldnt bring myself to say anything and it hurt me to do nothing. 

thats my backstory. as you can see, like most others, ive not had an awesome life. there were good times but its been mostly bad. i cant change the past but i can work on the future. its hard though.

side note, i asked the wife what she thought about comming home and staying in the house and i leave to go stay with a friend for a while. i tolf her i wanted to do that so i could see my child more often and so that i could see her on a more regular basis. i told her id like to do things with her more often. she said shed think about it. i believe the tone was sincere. i dont have high hopes but it is a positive sign in my opinion. it wasnt a flat out NO and it wasnt said with a sigh or weighted down with guilt or displeasure. she did acknowledge that i was going thru alot of self discovery. maybe shes seeing something a little different from me. who knows. 

i feel different but i also feel unresolved at the same time. i dont feel controlling but once its shown to me, i immediately see it. the councelor said that maybe i can see it in my head but not in my heart. accepting who you are is difficult. 

i have more if youve got the eyes and stomac to read it. heh. thanks for "listening".


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## attmay13 (Mar 17, 2011)

OK to be blunt about it! You and I are just about in the sameplace. I want my family back and she is not very willing to have me. I too am see a countcelor and pretty much has told me the same about me as well just differant words. I am to the point of all the hoops that my wife had me do to get us back together was a lie on her part. She throught that there was not way in hell that I would do them and do them all but I did. Now she is more pissed of then I have ever seen her. So although Im standing by what I told her "if you want out you are going to have to file because Im not and I know that we can work this out". I am just going to fix me and spend as much time with my little girl as I can. However, 5 to 10 years from now if we do split I can look about and now that I did everthing that she asked me to do and I did it my best. There is nothing more I can do then just that. 
Do I still have hope? yes
do i still want it to wrok? yes
DIo i still want and miss my family? YES
Am I going to stop working on myself? NO NO MATTER WHAT!


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## DjF (Nov 24, 2010)

hey xBlitz...we all have our stories, and our stories made us what we are today...because of them or despite them...I too grew up in a controlling environment, but there was a lot of love present...I too dealt with an abortion when I was too young to really understand what love and responsibility was all about...probably why my own kids are so important too me...I would give up everything if it meant my 3 children (young adults) plus my grandbaby would be safe and happy...

I am an alcoholic...

My wife left me almost 6 mongths ago because I'd pay more attention to my beer than her...

I've spent this time finally growing up and facing my issues...I've matured so much, I like myself right now...

and like Attmay said, my changes for the positive so caught my wife off guard, she has had no way to respond...she was preparing to file, she thought I was lost...

Now, it is a waiting game...she wants to see if the changes are permanent...if I've become sober for good...I can't promise that, I have to show it...

but no matter what, if she comes back or not, I'm going to be okay, better than okay...I'm going to like who I am...she had to leave for me to grow up!

thats what you need to do...work on yourself...prepare for the worst case, but work for her to come back by working on yourself...


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## xBlitzkriegx (Mar 23, 2011)

i taled to my wife on monday night and last night. monday night i called to talk to her and my child. i miss my kid sooo much. i miss my wife too obviously. the convo didnt really go well. there was frustration some anger and resentment. i finally got her to actually TALK to me after i pried it from her. she didnt really want to, i didnt want to force her to do something she didnt want to do but i let her know that i really didnt understand what she was going thru.

she told me that she doesnt like herself, that she misses certain things that she used to do that i kept her from in the past. she basically just misses the "old her" it sounds like and is trying to live in the past in a happier time i suppose. i asked her "what do you want from me?" she said for me to stop repeating myself. i told her i repeat myself because i never get heard and it stems from the relationship with my mother where she controls the situation/convos. 

last night she called me about 15 minutes early [ she or i call at 7pm so i can talk to my child before she goes to bed ] but i was unable to answer the call cause my phone literally broke in half. i set it down and it fell [ old phone ] on the floor and split in 2 pieces. after hittin up the at&t store i got 2 voicemails from her. the 1st one was informational, letting my know that my kid was going to bed a little early. the 2nd call, made about 10 minutes later, had a little frustration to it. wondering where i was and if i was going to call. of course i returned the call. talk to my kid who was a little cranky but nothing serious.

we talked about her day and how our child was up super early then kicked my wife in the kidney when they were asleep. she said she had pain from that. just chatting about the day and her discomfort. i then told her about my day which wasnt too eventful save for the cell phone self destruction. i then told her that i was gonna break the phones off from my mothers account [ see posts above about controlling mother ] and put us on our own. itll cost a bit more but i think its a good idea. i didnt really get any kind of reaction from her, kind of a sheepish "yeah?'. thats about it. i didnt let it bother me, i told her that i wanted to distance myself from that and i didnt try to flaunt it as "lookit what i did for us!" kind of thing. we said our byes soon after after. overall it wasnt a "good" call. it wasnt really positive but it wasnt negative.

after that, i called my mother and imformed her of the phone and my intentions. that was met with a heavy sigh and the question of "waht made you decide to do that?". i told her that i just felt it was time to have my own phone account. im 32 years old and its far overdue. i wanted to say "so i dont feel controlled by you anymore.", but i just couldnt bring myself to say that. it felt mean. either way, i asked her to call the customer service ppl and have them release the numbers so i can transfer them over. after that, she kind of went on about how its gonna be more expensive for her and me and that well end up paying about $35 more a month. "giving them $40 for what we already have" kinda thing. i told her it was more important for me to stand alone than "us" save $35-$40/month. she wasnt very happy but said she would. it kinda hurt me and i could tell it hurt her but it was something i hadda do. i fell good about doing it but i am also a bit hurt cause i know i hurt her feelings. this stuff is alot harder than it seems.


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## xBlitzkriegx (Mar 23, 2011)

talked to my wife again last night. she calls me. she called early cause our kid was up at 1am again. we think shes teething still [ teeth grew in late. ]. she says she has energy thru the day then it wears out towards the end of the day. by the time she calls me, she sounds worn out with a groggy voice.

she asked me if i could have our kid for a weekend while she went out with a friend. i dont know if i can because of my work or not. i asked her if i could have our chind for a week or 2 and shes apprehensive about it. shes afraid ill use our child against her somehow. as in, come home and you can see our kid again or something. i told her that i wont use our child as leverage as thats completely wrong. i gently reminded her that she left with our child, giving me no warning at all so her fear is my reality. 

i asked her why she still wears her wedding rings when she goes out, she said partially to have ppl leave her alone and partially out of respect for me. i told her that i havent worn my ring since she left. i keep it with me but i dont wear it. she said "well maybe i shouldnt wear mine then.". i told her she can do what she wants but that i wont wear my ring until she comes home because a marriage is 2 people bonded together, not living apart. there wasnt any anger in the comments between her and i but it was a tiny bit heated. 

i am still continuing the concept of her calling me. im really not sure how much longer i can deal with this. i really, really feel like i already know what her answer is going to be and im along for a ride. i dont think shes really thinking about jack...shes just there enjoying her family and friends with our child while she hides from what she doesnt wanna deal with. she has no reason to return here at all. why am i doing this? i tell myself because i love her but i feel more like im punishing myself by allowing this crap in my life. i firmly believe that shes not interested in "finding herself" [ whatever the hell THAT means ] but more interested in being away from me. if thats the case then im FINE with it, if she would just SAY SO. 

being this confused is not good for anyone. comming home to an empty house is depressing as hell. its depressing because i know the house is a HOME...or was. it can be a house again but i have to make it that way. im so stuck in this place. i wanna take down all the pictures of her and put all her stuff in the garage but im afraid to in case she changes her mind. im 1/2 tempted to rent a uhaul myself and move her crap out of the house and drive it up myself and tell her "goodbye, see you in court. i refuse to be a weekend dad and i will fight for my rights.". at least then i will have some ****ing closure. then i can move on with my life a a normal person and not have to deal with this cancerous purgatory bulls***.


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## attmay13 (Mar 17, 2011)

well I think that you are jumping to the bad side and not seeing all the good in it! She is now talking to you right? Thats a start! And remember sshow her that you WANT her in your life not NEED her in it!? Well dont push and get your kid for the weekend! Let her cool off and get out some stress! It not like she is running around on you! Get your kid spend time just you two, have fun and leave the wife alone for the weekend have her call you to talk to the kido ect....!


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## xBlitzkriegx (Mar 23, 2011)

no no, she wants to give our child to me so she can go on her outting. its with a girlfriend so she says. ive never met this person so i dunno if shes lying or not but at this point i cant do anything about it if she is.

her big hang up is giving me another chance. over Christmas she said that was the last chance. what im hoping to show her is that that yes, i squandered the chance. the person who wasted the chance is alot wiser now and sees the err of his ways. to say that its another chance to me is a misnomer kind of. its just a chance period and really just another way of saying "trust".


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## attmay13 (Mar 17, 2011)

xBlitzkriegx said:


> no no, she wants to give our child to me so she can go on her outting. its with a girlfriend so she says. ive never met this person so i dunno if shes lying or not but at this point i cant do anything about it if she is.
> 
> her big hang up is giving me another chance. over Christmas she said that was the last chance. what im hoping to show her is that that yes, i squandered the chance. the person who wasted the chance is alot wiser now and sees the err of his ways. to say that its another chance to me is a misnomer kind of. its just a chance period and really just another way of saying "trust".


thats fine thats what I thought you said! You go get the kido and spend as much time as you can just you two!(you and the kido) Let your wife go out with her friends! It could be good for both of you! If she see that you can take care of the kido just fine without her is a big plus and I would think that it would be hard for her not to see that! And thats good! Plus you two are talking! I still havent been able to do that with my wife! The hardest part is when its time to bring the kido back to mom! It KILLS me!


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## xBlitzkriegx (Mar 23, 2011)

Yesterday, my wife wrote down some things she wanted to have some understanding on. why i did or said things. i told her to give me a call at 2pm. she slept thru it because she got up early and our child was runnin her up the wall. we talked for 2 hours.

i was 100% honest and truthful. i warned her that she may not like what she hears but the truth is the truth. after we talked everything out, she said that i didnt sound sincere. i told her that there was no way i could be any more sincere. i said that i was sorry she did not get what she may or may not have been looking for, i was as truthful as i could be.

i dont think shes understanding why i was so mean and controlling all those years. i explained to her that my mother ran my life for so long that when i got out on my own i didnt know what to do because there wasnt someone there doing everything for me. i wish i could have realized that back then. i didnt want my mother to be there like that but thats how it had "always been", even back when i was 16. i dont mean in the good parent sort of way, i mean like "you shouldnt date her, shes a ****.", saying this about my g/f at hte time when i was 16. how is a 16 y/o supposed to hear that from thier parent and deal with that?

i just found out yesterday that my mother opened an online account under my name and didnt tell me about it. now its overdue payment and has $177 on it. yeh, i had to field that call in the AT&T store where i was trying to change the phone out of her name and under mine. i was under her family plan. i have my own family. i called her and told her that the account was closed and it WILL be paid off today or tomorrow. i also told her to whittle down whats left in the bank account to the nearest $100 and let me know the final number so i can transfer it out. im tired of being used.

regarding my wife, i love my wife dearly and msis her. however, i do not know how long i can wait around for her. there is life after her and im prepared to move on. i know full well taht moving on doesnt mean giving up my child even if i have to talk to my wife to talk to my child. 

ive gotten used to not calling her to start convos. though i say that, i had to wednesday because i was so upset that i almost threw up at work. beyond that, i only call when she doesnt call when she says she will or if it looks like ill miss my nightly ritual of telling my child good night/i love her/i miss her/what did you do today? kind of thing.

i havent taken any steps yet but i have signed up for a dating site or 2. i am being truthful on the profiles since i have nothing to hide. im really tired of letting myself be hurt by someone whos too busy with thierself to have anything for me. im not afraid of moving on, i love my wife so much but again, i dont know how long i can wait for someone who just ran away.


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## xBlitzkriegx (Mar 23, 2011)

just wanted to update that my wife has made her desicion to leave. im filing today or tomorrow when possible. i have contacted an attourney "just in case". the divorce is going to be amicable as possible.


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## Oak (Mar 21, 2011)

Good luck to you Blitz. I am in a similar situation now, working with my wife on the details and getting ready to file. Although it is the hardest thing I have ever gone through, I feel much better working towards closure. She and I are actually communicating a lot more effectively, and have been able to get things out and behind us so we can move on with our lives separately. 

Wish you the best.


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## xBlitzkriegx (Mar 23, 2011)

i thank you and everyone else on the board for listening. even though we dont know each other, its been nice having people to listen to me that are/have been in a similar situation. i probably wont post here anymore.

ill be sending the paperwork to the lawyer today. filing asap. i dont want this but i feel i must take charge as it will help me to move on.


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