# Hot Mess



## Sue4473 (May 29, 2018)

Hello,
Forgive me if I don’t know how to attach not message to my other posts, but some users on here have been following and can advise....

As you Kay know, I need to see a therapist for things that I have never dealt with. Especially in my past marriage, relationships etc. I have one lined up after the holidays. Yay!

Last time I posted that my guy didn’t take my sending him my panties good. To which in fact he did! ( it was me)
I’m suppose to visit him in a week and a half. But I’m not sure now.... last week was his birthday- this past week no communication on his part has happened... ( mostly me but he’s responding.) I found out last Thursday he had his annual at the dr.s. He had to double up on his BP meds due to massive headaches he’s been getting 

I was very worried, and he confirmed all is good, maybe these meds will help. I feel somewhat that he’s been disconnected this week, and I know ever since he’s moved he’s been job, dad, job, dad, rinse repeat...

I did send him a message saying I missed him and was very worried. But I feel like I’m bothering him. It was late, so he was in bed. Why is he pulling away? And I don’t want to seem needy. My anxiety is rising. I’m dreading he’ll end it and I’m already not wanting to go see him if it’ll be us talking about not being together.

Normal for him to go silent for a week and be distant? Now when I’ve texted sure he’s responded. Not a lot though..


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Hi @Sue4473 

Now's the time to do, well, nothing. There's no need to increase your worry and anxiety. 

Look forward to getting together but let it happen, there's no benefit to trying to goose it along. That will only add subtext of stress.

Peaceful easy feelings and all that.

Easy does it.

👍👍🙂🙂


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

Sue I told you that if for any reason up to and including an earthquake he cancels the trip then you need to dump him. 
I still believe this.


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## Sue4473 (May 29, 2018)

Andy1001 said:


> Sue I told you that if for any reason up to and including an earthquake he cancels the trip then you need to dump him.
> I still believe this.


not canceling. Just am worried why he distanced himself this week that’s all


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

Sue4473 said:


> not canceling. Just am worried why he distanced himself this week that’s all


Because it’s getting close your trip?


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## Sue4473 (May 29, 2018)

Andy1001 said:


> Because it’s getting close your trip?


Huh?
I’m not sure why he has distanced himself lol. A week prior he said was going to try better and check in more. His bday last week every thing was great.
Then this past week, he kinda fell off the face of the earth. I texted and he responded but no initiative on his part.

Hes having massive headaches and he upped his blood pressure meds. Just wondering if that’s why


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

Sue4473 said:


> Hes having massive headaches and he upped his blood pressure meds. Just wondering if that’s why


No one here knows the answer to that...


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Because it's a long distance relationship stemming from a casual relationship (in which you didn't see each other often when you DID live in the same place and there was no plan to become life partners/live together in the future), and you haven't seen each other in many months.


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## attheend02 (Jan 8, 2019)

IMO, It doesn't seem that you have the stomach for long distance relationship.

Long distance is hard even with a strong relationship.
From everything you have written across threads, it seems you have had more doubt than security.
Why put yourself through that?


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## Sue4473 (May 29, 2018)

Livvie said:


> Because it's a long distance relationship stemming from a casual relationship (in which you didn't see each other often when you DID live in the same place and there was no plan to become life partners/live together in the future), and you haven't seen each other in many months.


We were starting new and seeing one another before he left. To which we had the what are we doing and going talk before he moved.

That to which he stated I was very important to him and yes we were going to continue.
If he’s done why isn’t he saying any


attheend02 said:


> IMO, It doesn't seem that you have the stomach for long distance relationship.
> 
> Long distance is hard even with a strong relationship.
> From everything you have written across threads, it seems you have had more doubt than security.
> Why put yourself through that?


if He’s done I just want him to tell me.
Or if something is bothering him


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## Sue4473 (May 29, 2018)

Sue4473 said:


> We were starting new and seeing one another before he left. To which we had the what are we doing and going talk before he moved.
> 
> That to which he stated I was very important to him and yes we were going to continue.
> If he’s done why isn’t he saying any
> ...


l

Do I need to just out right- ask him
are you giving up on us?
Please tell me so I can know what to do


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## attheend02 (Jan 8, 2019)

Sue4473 said:


> if He’s done I just want him to tell me.
> Or if something is bothering him


He may not until he needs to. 

I was in a ldr last year for a short time.
I made a big move to a new job a couple of hours away.
When visiting my ex-girlfriend, I always felt like I was going backwards, not forwards.
I didn't even realize it until she did something that made me angry. It sounds trite, but the anger made me realize that I wanted something else.

He is not necessarily in the same situation, but from reading your description, you do not seem to be his priority and you deserve better if that's what you are looking for.


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## Sue4473 (May 29, 2018)

attheend02 said:


> He may not until he needs to.
> 
> I was in a ldr last year for a short time.
> I made a big move to a new job a couple of hours away.
> ...


What did she do? Did you not miss her enough to make it work?


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

If you ask him that, he’s likely to just say no, he isn’t. That may or may not be true. You have no way of knowing how he really feels because he’s apparently not good at communication and that could be due to a number of things. Obviously, you can’t control him but you can control you. You are far too invested in what has been basically a casual relationship. Stop texting so much and see if he will text you.


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## attheend02 (Jan 8, 2019)

Sue4473 said:


> What did she do? Did you not miss her enough to make it work?


I broke up with her.
Your boyfriend may not want the confrontation, or he may just not be ready for a full relationship.
I agree with openminded above , except for the texting part.
If I were you I would move on. If he really likes you he can prove it.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Not everyone can make a long distance relationship work. Most of them fail. You are desperate to have this work and it shows. Maybe he feels too pressured — who knows. Back off and see what happens. That’s been suggested before but if you tried it apparently you’ve gone back to it again. Don’t.


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## Sue4473 (May 29, 2018)

Openminded said:


> Not everyone can make a long distance relationship work. Most of them fail. You are desperate to have this work and it shows. Maybe he feels too pressured — who knows. Back off and see what happens. That’s been suggested before but if you tried it apparently you’ve gone back to it again. Don’t.


I did last night.
My hands are going to be tied. 
I just don’t understand and I want to
You can’t change the feelings in a week:
Yes you know my history. Maybe I overthink and I need to stop.!
It just affects my self worth when things like this happen. I crawl down a hole I can’t get out of.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

You for sure need to go visit him. I think that visit will give you much needed information. Don’t worry right now about feeling like he is pulling back, and everyone reacts differently to stress and not everyone communicates well. Don’t over think it. See how he treats you when you guys are physically together.


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## LosingHim (Oct 20, 2015)

It really seems like you overthink things. That's not an insult, I do the same. I get that it's hard not to, especially when you have insecurities. My husband is moody and if it seems like he's "off" I will drive myself crazy with worry. But, now I just ask him straight out. 9.9 times out of 10, it's not me. He's just stressed about work, tired, has a headache, any number of things that most humans feel. Can you just ask him? I wouldn't put a bunch of details in your question. Just a "Hey, you seem a little distant. Is there anything you want to talk about or that I can help with?"


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Sue4473 said:


> I did last night.
> My hands are going to be tied.
> I just don’t understand and I want to
> You can’t change the feelings in a week:
> ...


You tend to invest too much in your relationships. Your pattern is to care too much, too soon. Hopefully, your therapist can help resolve that.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Your worth shouldn’t be tied up in him or anyone else.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Sue, remember this:

Men will put effort into women they are into, but many are lazy enough to go along with women they're not that into much chase them.

You are doing all of the chasing here, so stop. You've made your interest clear, now step back and see what he does.

Its my impression that this guy isn't into you enough to make a lot of effort and he may even have met someone else. Since you're doing most of the work it's easy to throw you a few crumbs to keep you as a backup.

Stop chasing.


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## attheend02 (Jan 8, 2019)

IMO, I don't think you overthink - I just don't think you are getting the security that you need from a relationship.


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## Sue4473 (May 29, 2018)

attheend02 said:


> IMO, I don't think you overthink - I just don't think you are getting the security that you need from a relationship.


He just texted that he’s sorry he’s been out of the loop, but he’s kinda in a funk.


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

Sue4473 said:


> He just texted that he’s sorry he’s been out of the loop, but he’s kinda in a funk.


And that's enough for you to get your hopes up again? I think the guy is either a coward and isn't interested but afraid to admit it or just isn't the guy who can make you happy. 

Good gosh you suffer a lot of grief and mixed emotions over something that was just the tiniest start of a relationship. Every post I read of yours I keep thinking you and he are not on the same page.

Don't ask him if he is "giving up", that puts him on the defensive. Tell him you don't feel like things have been working out very well, ask him if he feels the same. Ask him if the LDR was a good try but the reality is it's too hard and probably not working. See what he says.


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## Sue4473 (May 29, 2018)

Cooper said:


> And that's enough for you to get your hopes up again? I think the guy is either a coward and isn't interested but afraid to admit it or just isn't the guy who can make you happy.
> 
> Good gosh you suffer a lot of grief and mixed emotions over something that was just the tiniest start of a relationship. Every post I read of yours I keep thinking you and he are not on the same page.
> 
> Don't ask him if he is "giving up", that puts him on the defensive. Tell him you don't feel like things have been working out very well, ask him if he feels the same. Ask him if the LDR was a good try but the reality is it's too hard and probably not working. See what he says.


I’m not getting my hopes up for anything. But I do know that this does answer my question. He’s in a bad situation and he’s obviously down. All I did was text that I was here for him I’m any way I can be.

I now know that he’s going through some stuff


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Going through some stuff or not, your relationship is an electronic relationship, and has been for months. Maybe this is all both of you want. If so, you should continue on!! If one or both of you want an in the flesh relationship, then you should go your separate ways.

In the past, my BF and I on the spur of the moment once _each drove 8 hours round-trip_ after work one day, during the work week, to spend one hour together during a brief time we were long distance.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

It's been said many times but... if people want to see or talk to each other, they will make it work. 

My wife and I were in a LDR for college and I rarely saw her, because I didn't want to be bothered to drive 2-3 hours. I rarely talked to her, because I couldn't be bothered and she wasn't on my mind and wasn't a priority. But when someone else I was more interested called, I answered right away. When that someone else was upset? I drove hours to go see her, or even to just meet for coffee. 

If people want to see or talk to each other, they will make it work. If they don't put in an effort, well, they just aren't very interested.


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## Sue4473 (May 29, 2018)

Livvie said:


> Going through some stuff or not, your relationship is an electronic relationship, and has been for months. Maybe this is all both of you want. If so, you should continue on!! If one or both of you want an in the flesh relationship, then you should go your separate ways.
> 
> In the past, my BF and I on the spur of the moment once _each drove 8 hours round-trip_ after work one day, during the work week, to spend one hour together during a brief time we were long distance.


That’s so coo! And fun 
But if he’s in a funk he’s probably not interested in doing anything.


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## Sue4473 (May 29, 2018)

bobert said:


> It's been said many times but... if people want to see or talk to each other, they will make it work.
> 
> My wife and I were in a LDR for college and I rarely saw her, because I didn't want to be bothered to drive 2-3 hours. I rarely talked to her, because I couldn't be bothered and she wasn't on my mind and wasn't a priority. But when someone else I was more interested called, I answered right away. When that someone else was upset? I drove hours to go see her, or even to just meet for coffee.
> 
> If people want to see or talk to each other, they will make it work. If they don't put in an effort, well, they just aren't very interested.


But you married her? Lol
You didn’t want to be bothered to visit, but you must’ve thought of her at some point lol


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

Well back in the day I was in a few LDR's. Of course we had to rely on written letters for communication. Most often we wrote every week. 
I wouldn't survive todays LDR's. You have to reply to every text on time. And initiate texts. And a good night and good morning text every day.
Honestly, my wife doesn't talk to me that much now.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

Sue4473 said:


> But you married her? Lol
> You didn’t want to be bothered to visit, but you must’ve thought of her at some point lol


At that point I had a mental checklist of graduate, get a job, get married, get a house, have kids, sail through the rest. So I graduated and thought "what now?". She seemed like a safe bet to "settle down" with, we moved in together, had a bit of a honeymoon period, I proposed 2 months after moving in together, and we married 5 months after that. I kept putting in little to no effort and having more interest elsewhere, and she got her attention elsewhere. Getting married (or avoiding a break up) isn't always for the right reasons.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Sue4473 said:


> That’s so coo! And fun
> But if he’s in a funk he’s probably not interested in doing anything.


How many months since you have sent each other? If his "funk" is lasting multiple months that's an issue too. I don't understand why you didn't go visit him soon after he moved. Help unpack, settle in, housewarming kind of things.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

bobert said:


> At that point I had a mental checklist of graduate, get a job, get married, get a house, have kids, sail through the rest. So I graduated and thought "what now?". She seemed like a safe bet to "settle down" with, we moved in together, had a bit of a honeymoon period, I proposed 2 months after moving in together, and we married 5 months after that. I kept putting in little to no effort and having more interest elsewhere, and she got her attention elsewhere. Getting married (or avoiding a break up) isn't always for the right reasons.


Do you regret marrying her?


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

Girl_power said:


> Do you regret marrying her?


No, I don't. In the past, sure, but now? No.


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

bobert said:


> My wife and I were in a LDR for college and I rarely saw her, because I didn't want to be bothered to drive 2-3 hours. I rarely talked to her, because I couldn't be bothered and she wasn't on my mind and wasn't a priority. But when someone else I was more interested called, I answered right away. When that someone else was upset? I drove hours to go see her, or even to just meet for coffee.


I really think you need to write a book...I'm not being snarky or anything, either, I'm serious!!


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

This is how I see your pattern: He does something, or doesn’t do something, and then you overreact. Then he texts and you go back to defending him. You need to accept that he’s apparently running a complicated life up there and you’re not his top priority. If you were, things would be different but they’re not. So if you want to be in his life, for now this is it. Maybe it will get better in time. Maybe it won’t. But overreacting every single time something happens, or doesn’t happen, isn’t really the best path for you. Relax. Live your life. Breathe. Stop obsessing about him.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

If you'll stop trying so hard, you'll soon find out if he's really interested in trying or not. As is, he's not having to initiate anything because you're doing it all. Just stop poking him and see if she checks in with you and expresses interest or not. Guys are not good with long distance. That said, you aren't so far away that he couldn't have seen you if he'd really wanted to.


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## Sue4473 (May 29, 2018)

Openminded said:


> This is how I see your pattern: He does something, or doesn’t do something, and then you overreact. Then he texts and you go back to defending him. You need to accept that he’s apparently running a complicated life up there and you’re not his top priority. If you were, things would be different but they’re not. So if you want to be in his life, for now this is it. Maybe it will get better in time. Maybe it won’t. But overreacting every single time something happens, or doesn’t happen, isn’t really the best path for you. Relax. Live your life. Breathe. Stop obsessing about him.


I need to put your words on a plaque and hang it in my apartment!!


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Sue, you have to get comfortable with things you can't control like this situation. Let it play out, you will know soon enough. It may just be that this guy is not very communicative, if that is the case then you will have to decide if he is the one for you or not. You have to remind yourself hat there are plenty of guys out there, he is just one.

Take a deep breath, don't make this guy your only chance for happiness. He is not. If he is not the one there will be others, besides that happiness should not be tied up into a person. Please try to pursue some other avenues to find happiness. Things you can do for yourself or time with friends and family.

You want a partner to enhance your happiness not be the sole source of it. They can be one source but it's too much to make them all of it. It also leads to problems in the relationship because no one can stand up to the responsibility.

Have patience, quit trying to force it, you will know if he is the one sooner or later.


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

Sue4473 said:


> That’s so coo! And fun
> But if he’s in a funk he’s probably not interested in doing anything.


You are feeling fine about this now, but it's been a roller coaster ride for you emotionally since you met him, so you really need to work on getting control of your feelings and worries, and learn how to self-soothe when you get anxious! Because as soon as the next "thing" happens, you are going to be careening down into fear and worry again, instead of observing things in a calm way and responding with the appropriate reactions.

Every time something happens that makes you feel insecure, you scramble around mentally AND physically, trying to get the answers and find out what it means - and I think you are trying to read every little thing that happens so that you can try and predict the outcome of your relationship with him...and that's just NOT possible!! 

It's not possible for anyone in a relationship to know how it will turn out...it's NEVER possible -- we NEVER get to know what the outcome is! EVERYTHING is RISK!! And it seems to me that all your frantic scrambling is you trying to gain control over the risk you are taking by caring about this man...and if so, you are wasting your efforts on that.
You need to ACCEPT that you have NO control over him, his feelings, or what is going to happen. NONE. The ONLY thing you can control is YOU - your attitude, your reactions, and your choices.

You need to decide what you are going to do, once and for all -- are you going to commit to doing everything YOU can for your relationship with him...? Or would it be better for you back off and make a life for yourself without him...?

If you decide to try to make it work, you are going to have to STOP looking at everything he does with a magnifying glass, trying to find answers there. You won't find them. If you are going to try to make it work, you have to set aside your fears about him, and believe that he is committed too, until he tells you differently...NO MORE emotional swings and irrational fears about what his true feeling are. 
If you decide to keep going with him, you are going to have to find a way to feel secure with the uncertainty that being with him brings. The way things are now, you won't be getting emotional support and reassurance from him as if he were a typical partner, so you are going to have to be ok with that, and to be happy with what you do get from him, and supplement those things for yourself.

If you cannot handle that, then you need to seriously consider backing off and making a life for yourself without him.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

I was once in a long-distance relationship. It lasted quite awhile before I ended it. I didn’t want to but I finally accepted that it just didn’t work for me. I couldn’t handle the stress that came with it. I was turning into an obsessive person. Some people can deal with all that comes with that type of relationship and some can’t. I couldn’t.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

How are things going @Sue4473 ? You must be getting ready to head to him for your Thanksgiving visit.


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## Sue4473 (May 29, 2018)

frusdil said:


> How are things going @Sue4473 ? You must be getting ready to head to him for your Thanksgiving visit.


it won’t be until Friday or Saturday.
My son got into some trouble Sunday afternoon, so I have to take care of some business here first. It’s most likely a meet half way for lunch visit- due to things that transpired this past week. It was me this time. I can’t seem to catch a break.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Sue4473 said:


> it won’t be until Friday or Saturday.
> My son got into some trouble Sunday afternoon, so I have to take care of some business here first. It’s most likely a meet half way for lunch visit- due to things that transpired this past week. It was me this time. I can’t seem to catch a break.


Respectfully, remember to not be negative or stressed.


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## Sue4473 (May 29, 2018)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> Respectfully, remember to not be negative or stressed.


I’m so trying. But my focus is my son- and worry. But I know that I have to take care of myself and live my life also. ☺


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## Sue4473 (May 29, 2018)

Sue4473 said:


> I’m so trying. But my focus is my son- and worry. But I know that I have to take care of myself and live my life also. ☺


And how do I tell the man I care about that he’s involved with a woman whose teen just got in trouble with the law? My 16 year old got a citation for drug paraphernalia ( smoking marijuana) with some friends. When his kids seem perfect. I know they’re not, but me just saying.


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## attheend02 (Jan 8, 2019)

Sue4473 said:


> And how do I tell the man I care about that he’s involved with a woman whose teen just got in trouble with the law? My 16 year old got a citation for drug paraphernalia ( smoking marijuana) with some friends. When his kids* seem perfect*. I know they’re not, but me just saying.


Sorry you are dealing with that. Bolded is key.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Why can't you bring him with you for a weekend visit?


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## Sue4473 (May 29, 2018)

Livvie said:


> Why can't you bring him with you for a weekend visit?


That would defeat the purpose of me being with my guy lol. Plus, he’s 16. At this point he just stay here. Kids will get into stuff and they will find away. The consequences have to be on him at some point.
But I get what you’re saying


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Sue4473 said:


> That would defeat the purpose of me being with my guy lol. Plus, he’s 16. At this point he just stay here. Kids will get into stuff and they will find away. The consequences have to be on him at some point.
> But I get what you’re saying


You can't spend the weekend with him and your son? You'd rather just _meet for lunch?_

No wonder you guys aren't close and haven't seen each other for months on end. 

You do realize that people with teens spend weekends together, go on fun outings together, go camping and hiking together, go on trips together, etc? With their teens.

I'd choose that any day over MEETING HALFWAY FOR LUNCH.


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## Sue4473 (May 29, 2018)

Livvie said:


> You can't spend the weekend with him and your son? You'd rather just _meet for lunch?_
> 
> No wonder you guys aren't close and haven't seen each other for months on end.
> 
> ...


Our kids haven’t met yet. And I have my reasons. After my son got in trouble this past weekend, I honestly am not too happy with him. So to reward him and go somewhere isn’t in the cards. Plus at 16 my son doesn’t wanna hang with mom and her guy. He’s just not that type of kid. He rather hang with his dad, but his dad wants nothing to do with him.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Sue4473 said:


> Our kids haven’t met yet. And I have my reasons. After my son got in trouble this past weekend, I honestly am not too happy with him. So to reward him and go somewhere isn’t in the cards. Plus at 16 my son doesn’t wanna hang with mom and her guy. He’s just not that type of kid. He rather hang with his dad, but his dad wants nothing to do with him.


I guess we parent--- and relationship--- differently.

Have you ever thought that maybe getting him involved in life experiences more would be a good thing?

I have two sons. One in college one in high school. I've been divorced for awhile now.

I'd pack him up and say, you just got in trouble. We're going away for the weekend, change of scenery. I haven't seen Brad, Tom, Chuck, whatever his name is-- since he moved, it's Thanksgiving weekend, we're going for a visit away from home.


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## Sue4473 (May 29, 2018)

Livvie said:


> I guess we parent--- and relationship--- differently.
> 
> Have you ever thought that maybe getting him involved in life experiences more would be a good thing?
> 
> ...


yes I could do that and probably would if my son wasn’t on drugs. I honestly don’t trust him, and if I forced him to do or go somewhere that he doesn’t want to go- I can see him ruining the visit for me. Either by being a jerk or telling my get he’s a drug user etc. Does this make sense?


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

By "drug user" do you mean marijuana? Is he a daily smoker, or had he just done it a couple of times?


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Where is he going to be while you’re gone?


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## Sue4473 (May 29, 2018)

Openminded said:


> Where is he going to be while you’re gone?


At the house. He stays here when I go do my stuff on the weekends etc. I have a nest camera. Plus I’ll be back before dark


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Is there no one who can come stay at your place while you go for the weekend? Just to have an adult around? You need more than just a lunch date at this point.


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## Sue4473 (May 29, 2018)

Livvie said:


> By "drug user" do you mean marijuana? Is he a daily smoker, or had he just done it a couple of times?


This last time it was caught with pot. Alcohol, Vaping.
About 9 months ago, it was harsh stuff 
More than pot. Now he has a citation for drug paraphernalia. I’m just stressed and trying to take it one day, step, minute at a time


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Sue4473 said:


> He rather hang with his dad, but his dad wants nothing to do with him.


Sounds to me like your son is in need of a stable male presence in his life. Any men you know who could hang with your son?


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

@Sue4473 How did it go? Check in mate


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## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

Sue4473 said:


> *And how do I tell the man I care about that he’s involved with a woman whose teen just got in trouble with the law?* My 16 year old got a citation for drug paraphernalia ( smoking marijuana) with some friends. When his kids seem perfect. I know they’re not, but me just saying.


If there's a future with this guy, I think you have to tell him, and sooner than later, because he may be part of the solution. If he isn't interested in that job (being part of the solution), I don't see a good future here, because the issues your son is having are going to be affecting you. He (your man) is going to recognize this. Much better if he knows why you're a bit out of sorts at times. 

You mentioned later that your son's dad wants nothing to do with him. It's not fair, not fair at all, but your son's welfare, right now, has to be your highest priority. You've only got a couple years left to really make a difference for him. 

If I were in your shoes, what I'm saying is not something I'd want to hear. But it's something that you won't get another shot at.


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## Sue4473 (May 29, 2018)

frusdil said:


> @Sue4473 How did it go? Check in mate



Hi-
I ended up not meeting up with him. He had kid issues as well that came up, as well with me dealing my son. We did talk on the phone a lot during Turkey day break. We will try to meet up when off for our break at Christmas. I didn’t initiate the calls, so there is still interest on both sides it’s just lot going on with kiddos at the moment.


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## Sue4473 (May 29, 2018)

Casual Observer said:


> If there's a future with this guy, I think you have to tell him, and sooner than later, because he may be part of the solution. If he isn't interested in that job (being part of the solution), I don't see a good future here, because the issues your son is having are going to be affecting you. He (your man) is going to recognize this. Much better if he knows why you're a bit out of sorts at times.
> 
> You mentioned later that your son's dad wants nothing to do with him. It's not fair, not fair at all, but your son's welfare, right now, has to be your highest priority. You've only got a couple years left to really make a difference for him.
> 
> If I were in your shoes, what I'm saying is not something I'd want to hear. But it's something that you won't get another shot at.


I agree. Totally agree


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Sue, you're not the only person out there dealing with kid issues. The real problem would come in if you were the type to make excuses for him and to support him being a bum, and to expect a guy to be part of that. As long as you're not doing that, and it doesn't look like you are, most decent guys will deal with it.


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