# love equals attraction or not?



## sunhunter (Sep 4, 2013)

In the beginning when you're in love, you can't keep your hands of each other. Then there comes the "loving relationship" and the frequency drops a little. And after a while it slow down more and more (marriage, kids, ...) 'till the moment that you're sex starved, search for answers, find TAM and discover you're not the only one in this situation  

So thanks in advance to everyone for their support, answers and stories.

My question:
If you (really) love your partner, I would suppose that love isn't only spiritual but also physical, you love the soul and body. You feel attracted to eachother.

If the LD-partner denies or avoids intimacy/sex to the HD-partner, it brings frustration, stress, self-esteem issues, you feel unattractive, ... you read it here all the time. Been there, done that .

SO and I talked about it several times. But I'm puzzled because my wife says she still finds me attractive, she still loves me ... but there's almost no intimacy, hugs, kisses or sex.

So now I’m at a point where I wonder: If the intimacy fades away, does that mean that your LD-partner is loving you less? Do LD-people see love as something spiritual, without the physical component. Do LD-people still find their partner attractive, but without needing physical love? Does love equals attraction or not? :scratchhead: 

FYI: married 12 years, both mid 30's, 2 kids (7y and 4y) and my wife has some medical issues. But even before the medical issues, intimacy and sex weren't on the menu a lot. She isn't playfull at all (no teasing, sexting, lingerie, ... I wish Santa would bring her a package of playfullnes)
I eat healthy, take care of myself and even get compliments on my looks quite regularly. There are no other issues, she's not having an affair (yes I'm sure). And yes I'm beta .


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Love and attraction may exist, but lust is the missing element. That's governed by many things, with hormones usually being a dominant element. It can be reduced by stress, fatigue, illness, responsibilities, other distractions, and relationship problems.


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## GettingIt_2 (Apr 12, 2013)

I don't think love means the same thing to everyone. Some will say you can love a spouse without being sexually attracted to them, some will say that that is not love. 

How I love my husband has not stayed constant through our 24 year relationship. But I have always felt love for him in some way.


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## sunhunter (Sep 4, 2013)

You're right, she doesn't know lust/desire/craving ... 

She don't seem to have that fire from within (or is completely detached from her sexual feelings - upbringing issues, don't ask). She doesn't fantasize about sex. Don't like erotic books or porn. She doesn't search for that kind of stimuli.


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## usmarriedguy (Dec 9, 2013)

I agree that LD people just don't experience sex the same way HD people do.


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