# He made time for OW...



## woogy (Dec 20, 2012)

I was checking my H's Skype history the other day, just to see how often and how long he talked to the OW every day/night. Well it came as a big surprise to see some of these phone calls are 5-6 hrs long with a few that are 7 and 9 hrs!! It was heartbreaking because I never got that kind of time from him during our 14yrs of marriage. I didn't even get that kind of time with him when we were dating. It hurts to see that he couldn't be bothered to give me any time or attention but he could for her. His gaming was more important than spending time with me, so what made her so special? Ugh, I hate this.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LookingForTheSun (Dec 28, 2011)

She wasn't special - she was easy - and he was stupid - childish.


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## daggeredheart (Feb 21, 2012)

I feel you- mine also found loads of time to devote to courting her when I was withering on the vine, eager for crumbs of his attention. It does a number on ones self esteem. 

In my case the burn is worse since he never actually "saw" her except via pictures...now how lame is that? He didn't even get to skype.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

I feel sorry for any woman who feels that in order to have any kind of life she needs to be Skyping for 9 hours with a cheater. Can u say DESPERATE?

OP, don't forget the time your H didn't give to you, you had for yourself, and you were in much better company than he was.


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## woogy (Dec 20, 2012)

Its hard because if he would have put that time into us our marriage would have been good.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## keepmyfamily (Nov 16, 2012)

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> I feel sorry for any woman who feels that in order to have any kind of life she needs to be Skyping for 9 hours with a cheater. Can u say DESPERATE?
> 
> OP, don't forget the time your H didn't give to you, you had for yourself, and you were in much better company than he was.


This!!

My H spends hours on skype. Can you say no life? For either of them. I couldn't imagine devoting that much time to a skype "date" for anyone, I have much better things to do with my time.


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## woogy (Dec 20, 2012)

daggeredheart said:


> I feel you- mine also found loads of time to devote to courting her when I was withering on the vine, eager for crumbs of his attention. It does a number on ones self esteem.
> 
> In my case the burn is worse since he never actually "saw" her except via pictures...now how lame is that? He didn't even get to skype.


My h only saw pics of her to. Never saw her in person and we don't have a Webcam . Its to bad I didn't tell him to go to her since she failed to tell him she was severely overweight. H had said to me before he would never be with someone who was heavy.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## daggeredheart (Feb 21, 2012)

Woogy- I think we are in the same boat. My H had a online only EA....I like to laugh and call it "manti te'o" style. He never got to see if her online persona matched real life since she lived half a world away so in some ways it's worse because its unfinished. 

He can imagine her to be perfect and idealized.


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## Paladin (Oct 15, 2011)

chalk it up to what i call the "forbidden fruit" syndrome. No matter what changes you make to yourself, you will never be forbidden fruit. Sometimes the appeal of doing something "wrong" is just too strong for people to pass up/ The "forbidden fruit" syndrome is also why I always try and point out that comparing yourself to the OW/OM is useless, because no matter what you change abut yourself, that will always remain the same.


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## SomedayDig (Jul 17, 2012)

Paladin said:


> chalk it up to what i call the "forbidden fruit" syndrome. No matter what changes you make to yourself, you will never be forbidden fruit. Sometimes the appeal of doing something "wrong" is just too strong for people to pass up/ The "forbidden fruit" syndrome is also why I always try and point out that comparing yourself to the OW/OM is useless, because no matter what you change abut yourself, that will always remain the same.


A most excellent point. Regret has said to me about her AP that he wasn't really that good in bed. However, it was the excitement of the affair that carried her and made what was a "mediocre" lay (sorry for the bluntness) into a great time.

Never compare yourself. It's a set up.

Regret would sometimes say that we didn't have enough cash for me to go on a motorcycle club run, which is usually a $20 donation plus a couple drinks on the run, so around $35 or so. What she wasn't telling me about were the $30 gas bills for her car or the $130 hotels (scumbag xOM didn't even PAY!!!).

These are the lengths that the wayward will go to for that stupid f'ng ego hit of cocaine like sex. That's all it's about. We, the betrayed, won't ever match up.


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## goodwife4 (Jan 7, 2013)

i think its all about whats important to you. one thing my husband said was that after work he just sometimes had no energy to be a husband and dad ...

so watching TV every day and in ALL of his spare time was acceptable to him.

everyone is busy and if you dont make the time, you will NEVER have time....

its sad but he wanted to make time for her ... its that simple.... if you want something bad enough you make it happen..

good luck


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## Remains (Jan 24, 2012)

Further to the above posts, we can't compare really. It just does our heads in. And if they were so great and we were not, why haven't they disappeared into the sunset with their amazing lover? They (for some of us) haven't. So it was just fantasy. Escapism. Meant nothing? God knows!


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## Vega (Jan 8, 2013)

They are like little kids. Kids will procrastinate when it comes to doing their homework or chores, but as soon as one of their _friends_ calls...

Shows you the maturity level of these people.

Vega


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## woogy (Dec 20, 2012)

Thanks for the replies, they make a lot of sense. Its hard not to compare but I know I need to stop. It drives me crazy though knowing he never had time for me but did for her. I see he is trying to spend more time with me now, even if its going to the grocery store. Before he never came with, now he does. I need to stop my mind from all these thoughts and try and focus on what he is doing for me now, but its hard.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Eros Turannos (Feb 4, 2013)

This goes along the lines of how I was feeling after DD. I felt like those compliments were rightfully mine. That time was rightfully mine. That attention, that love, that affection, that bond. Made me livid. 

Also, after putting the pieces together and realizing I married someone who in another life would have fit right in with polyamory (it's about love, not so much sex for him. He wants to love everyone, give compliments to everyone, make everyone happy and feel good, and wouldn't even mind if I did the same, but knows it's religiously wrong and agrees that it's wrong.), under arguments against it on the wiki, it says "the idea that love is a limited commodity". I disagree. Love is not limited, but time is. And that's a darn good argument if you ask me.


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