# WW in need of advice



## SoSorryFL (Jun 12, 2013)

I found this site through another site that I posted on. I've been reading some of the posts, and there is a lot of great people here. I know that as a wayward wife, I'm not seen here with a lot of patience, but I really need some help. It's hard for me to connect often, but I'll update and answer questions when I'm able. 

A quick intro, I'm 34, my H (d) is 37. We've been together for 8 years, married for 6. We have a son who is 7. Things have been good for a long time, stable. He works a lot, as do I, but we've always tried to make time for each other. Early last year, I was in a bad car accident. To help heal afterwards, I took up yoga. I got really into it, but wanted something more intense. I've been doing crossfit and other programs since then, and have gone through a lot of changes. I'm very very happy with where I am physically, and feel more attractive than I have in a long time. D was supportive, but didn't want to participate. He's not a fit person, but I still feel attracted to him. I can't lie, I did enjoy the new attention I've received from men, but didn't pursue anyone. Fast forward to 6 months ago. My son is in peewee football, and one of the coaches is a man named AJ. AJ is a bit younger than I am, and still has a sort of boyish charm. He's a flirt, as most of the other mothers on the team know. D used to take our son to practice, but after a dust up with AJ (D thought he was pushing the kids too hard), stopped. Our son loves playing, and most of his friends play too, so I took over. AJ and I would sometimes talk during practice, sometimes after. I think i fell into the 'fog' that is mentioned on the board a lot. We did eventually trade numbers, and texted/chatted back and forth. There was chemistry there, and I felt distanced (which I think was my doing) from D. After two months, AJ and I met up at his home while D was out of town visiting family with our son. It turned from an EA to a PA that night (YES, it was protected). I felt remorse, but was still 'high' from the rush of it all. Looking back, I can't believe my actions. We were together three more times until I just couldn't do it anymore. The last time was in April. 

I've felt just soul crushing remorse since then. I KNOW that D has got to be told, but how can I do this that would be best for him? This is so hard for me, but I want to protect him as much as I can. What makes this more difficult is that when he inevitably asks who it was, its going to be someone he has already said he 'can't stand'. I am so, so sorry for all of this. I can't believe what I've done to us. I can't keep this in any longer. Please, help me to do what is right in the least painful way that I can.


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## Malcolm38 (Dec 25, 2012)

Are you still having contact with Mr. Wonderful? That will have to stop completely for starters if you haven't. 

There is no way to gently tell them you've betrayed them, so might as well just go for the gusto and admit it. That's the only real chance of saving everything.


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## calvin (Jan 7, 2012)

SoSorryFL said:


> I found this site through another site that I posted on. I've been reading some of the posts, and there is a lot of great people here. I know that as a wayward wife, I'm not seen here with a lot of patience, but I really need some help. It's hard for me to connect often, but I'll update and answer questions when I'm able.
> 
> A quick intro, I'm 34, my H (d) is 37. We've been together for 8 years, married for 6. We have a son who is 7. Things have been good for a long time, stable. He works a lot, as do I, but we've always tried to make time for each other. Early last year, I was in a bad car accident. To help heal afterwards, I took up yoga. I got really into it, but wanted something more intense. I've been doing crossfit and other programs since then, and have gone through a lot of changes. I'm very very happy with where I am physically, and feel more attractive than I have in a long time. D was supportive, but didn't want to participate. He's not a fit person, but I still feel attracted to him. I can't lie, I did enjoy the new attention I've received from men, but didn't pursue anyone. Fast forward to 6 months ago. My son is in peewee football, and one of the coaches is a man named AJ. AJ is a bit younger than I am, and still has a sort of boyish charm. He's a flirt, as most of the other mothers on the team know. D used to take our son to practice, but after a dust up with AJ (D thought he was pushing the kids too hard), stopped. Our son loves playing, and most of his friends play too, so I took over. AJ and I would sometimes talk during practice, sometimes after. I think i fell into the 'fog' that is mentioned on the board a lot. We did eventually trade numbers, and texted/chatted back and forth. There was chemistry there, and I felt distanced (which I think was my doing) from D. After two months, AJ and I met up at his home while D was out of town visiting family with our son. It turned from an EA to a PA that night (YES, it was protected). I felt remorse, but was still 'high' from the rush of it all. Looking back, I can't believe my actions. We were together three more times until I just couldn't do it anymore. The last time was in April.
> 
> I've felt just soul crushing remorse since then. I KNOW that D has got to be told, but how can I do this that would be best for him? This is so hard for me, but I want to protect him as much as I can. What makes this more difficult is that when he inevitably asks who it was, its going to be someone he has already said he 'can't stand'. I am so, so sorry for all of this. I can't believe what I've done to us. I can't keep this in any longer. Please, help me to do what is right in the least painful way that I can.


Go to a thread called "Reconcilliation" in the coping with infidelity section.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Just tell your husband outright, and do not trickle truth him, or lie about any detail.

Support your husband in kicking the coach publicly as a scum bag. Help your husband tell the coaches wife. I'd also strongly suggest reporting the coach to the league and the other parents. What a scum bag he is.

In your side, Frankly, your guilt angle is pretty weak since you met up for sex three times. If you actually had guilt you'd have stopped way before.

Be prepared for your husband to file for D due to your choice to stab him in the back.

If he wants a D please give him a generous uncontested divorce. You go to choose your way of leaving the marriage, he should too.


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## calvin (Jan 7, 2012)

You will find help and not take too much of a pounding there.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LostViking (Mar 26, 2013)

You really, really screwed up. 

Tell your husband...everything. Don't trickle truth and lay every nasty detail out on the table. Do not blame him, do not even hint that he caused you to do this.

And prepare for him to divorce you. You slept with his enemy. 

What the hell woman?


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

The coach needs to be destroyed btw. Filth like him should not be around children, he makes me feel unbelievable angry.

Also realize you've humiliated your husband deeply by screwing the coach that he had the dust up with right? The coach got to play alpha dog and instead of supporting your husband, you had sex repeatedly with the coach.

Your husband should do everything in his legal power to destroy the coach, including posting him on cheaterville.com.

Also you are no doubt already the talk of the team moms as the chick who slept with the slimeball coach. I guess your kid got to QB after you put out?


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## Foreversorry (Jun 5, 2013)

I myself am a WW. First..TOTALLY cut ALL contact with the AP. If that means your son has to stop playing on that team, it needs to be done. Second, it will be absolutely CRUSHING to your husband, but you must tell him. Do not let him find out on his own..and he will. There is no way to 'soften the blow' but if he finds out from somewhere else, it will be that much more damaging. The choice of reconciling will be completely up to him. Do not push it. Any questions he asks, answer them honestly. Do not TT like most, if not all of us do. Im not gonna lie, its going to suck. Its going to suck badly. 
Good Luck and hope everything works out.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

I'm betting scumbag coach will be bragging to all his buddies about bedding you, so don't think you can just hide it and your husband will never know. These things always cone out.

Thing is, when it comes from you , you have a small chance.

When he discovers it on his own, you likely have no chance given the deep level of humiliation and betrayal here.


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## SoSorryFL (Jun 12, 2013)

Malcolm38 said:


> Are you still having contact with Mr. Wonderful? That will have to stop completely for starters if you haven't.
> 
> There is no way to gently tell them you've betrayed them, so might as well just go for the gusto and admit it. That's the only real chance of saving everything.


I haven't taken my son off the team yet, but I see that I must do that asap. I don't talk to him, or interact with him much, just trying to keep up appearances.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## calvin (Jan 7, 2012)

Shaggy has excellent advice,others will also.
My wife went and told people at work,church and others without any proding
from me,she came clean on her own.
It told me how serious she was about fixing us and how she was for real with the remorse.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SoSorryFL (Jun 12, 2013)

LostViking said:


> You really, really screwed up.
> 
> Tell your husband...everything. Don't trickle truth and lay every nasty detail out on the table. Do not blame him, do not even hint that he caused you to do this.
> 
> ...


I know it was wrong, I'm full of regret, remorse, I hate myself :-( . I don't want to tell him details at first, but is it helpful to just tell him if heasks? It's nothing I want to say, out even think about, and not something I think he'd want to hear. What have I done?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SoSorryFL (Jun 12, 2013)

Shaggy said:


> The coach needs to be destroyed btw. Filth like him should not be around children, he makes me feel unbelievable angry.
> 
> Also realize you've humiliated your husband deeply by screwing the coach that he had the dust up with right? The coach got to play alpha dog and instead of supporting your husband, you had sex repeatedly with the coach.
> 
> ...


Please, don't be hurtful. I do worry about D confronting him. He's a rational man, but I don't want him suffering legal problems for my mistake. A verbal fight with AJ could be very hurtful to him. You're right, he's not a good person.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LostViking (Mar 26, 2013)

SoSorryFL said:


> I know it was wrong, I'm full of regret, remorse, I hate myself :-( . I don't want to tell him details at first, but is it helpful to just tell him if heasks? It's nothing I want to say, out even think about, and not something I think he'd want to hear. What have I done?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Write out a detailed timeline (dates, when, where, for how long...) and when you sit down to tell him ask him if he wants specifics, then you can just give him the timeline. 

Be prepared for brutal questions: what kind of sex did you have? What positions? How many times did you orgasm? Did you go down on him? Did you do anything with sexually with him that you had never done for your husband? Did you let OM finish in your mouth, on your face... these are the kinds of questions he may ask and you better be prepared to answer truthfully. 

At what point may I ask did you start hating what you were doing? The sex must have been exciting or you would not have gone back for thirds.


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## KanDo (Jun 15, 2011)

SoSorryFL said:


> I know it was wrong, I'm full of regret, remorse, I hate myself :-( . I don't want to tell him details at first, but is it helpful to just tell him if heasks? It's nothing I want to say, out even think about, and not something I think he'd want to hear. What have I done?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You need to tell him if he asks. Don't sugar coat it; but, don't go into every detail unless or when he asks. Also, get the book Not Just Friends., by SHirely Glass. It will be helpful to you both.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

SoSorryFL said:


> I know it was wrong, I'm full of regret, remorse, I hate myself :-( . I don't want to tell him details at first, but is it helpful to just tell him if heasks? It's nothing I want to say, out even think about, and not something I think he'd want to hear. What have I done?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Here's the thing, cheating isn't just about sex. It's a betrayal of your husbands love and trust. It's you giving yourself to another man.

If you hide things from you husband, if you do not answer all his questions honestly and openly, then you are again betraying him because you are choosing to lie to him.


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## CEL (May 7, 2013)

Well I am going to start off by saying at least you know that you have to tell him. Many don't and when the husband finds out it makes the betryal so much worse. So you ask what you have done I am going to answer that please understand I am not trying to hurt you but for you to understand what he is going to go through you need to understand what you have really done. After that I will go into how I think you should tell him so if you get tired of hearing me talk just skip to that part.

What you did

1. You betrayed you vows remember those you stood in front of all you friends and family and said you would forsake all others.

2. You betrayed his trust. You are his partner and he trusted you completely and with that complete trust you reached into his heart and pulled it out.

3. You betrayed you family. Yes your kids will suffer for your choices they were selfish and bad choices and they will suffer for them. They will still love you and they will get beyond it but you made the choice to put your womanly parts ahead of them.

4. You have killed your marriage as you know it. Here is the thing what you had is gone you murdered it in the most horrific manner, you husband will carry this with him for the rest of his life even if he leaves you he will have this scar for his life. The betrayal by someone who you trusted and loved beyond anything else will drastically change how he deals with everything in your life.

5. The sense that he has of you always being there for him through thick and thin is gone. He will somewhere for the rest of his life wonder if when things get tough you will leave.

6. He will have to learn to love the new you. A person who he will know can and has cheated on the one person who would suffer anything for them.

7. You cheated with a person who he thinks is garbage. And he was he screwed a lonely married women with issues. Your husband was right about his character this will hurt even worse because he KNEW the guys was crap and told you so but you just did not listen to him.


Now lets talk about what YOU can do.

1. Timeline sit down and write it out all the way from flirting to EA to PA. The sex can be just intercourse/oral whatever. Include what you were thinking.

2. Schedule IC for yourself you did a horrible thing you need to confront why you did this. Before you tell him at least get an appointment.

4. With the Timeline you need to write a letter this letter may save your marriage so hold nothing back. Own up to the affair 100 percent the ending page should be action items like the IC plus a few others I am going to lay down.

5. Your kid stops going to that team TODAY. Any contact with the other man any interactions will be seen as further betrayal your husband will feel that the other man is laughing at him all the time. This is a further betrayal all on its own.

6. Passwords all your password, email, Facebook, phone all of it include in the action items.

7. Put in that you are willing to go to MC and will schedule it for him HE is to do as little of the heavy lifting as possible, He needs to SEE that you are willing to FIGHT for him. You threw him away now you have to chase him otherwise he will feel emasculated.

Read this thread for another WW who was caught....if you don't tell this could be you. It is also an inspirational story of someone who was able to come out the other side. http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping...oo-many-ruined-chances-count-mrs_mathias.html

You will want to wait. DON'T start writing and tell him tonight or tomorrow every day you wait for the perfect time is going to count against you as the waiting is really you wanting to postpone the consequences. This is no longer about you if you want to save your marriage it is about him so TELL HIM NOW. We will be here for you as you go along but we cannot help you if you do not take the advice. Look at Foreversorry's thread for how bad it can get.


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

There's not such things as the "right moment". You know, delaying is lying to yourself.
Every minute you keep up appearances is another minute he's lied to, fooled, robbed from his options.

Just sit down tonight (maybe you can arrange a sleepover for your kids) and tell him. Offer everything, answers his questions truthfully. Send OM a NC text right there, in front of your husband, then give him every password you have.
Ask him humbly a chance to prove yourself. Promise you will never do it again.
Seek advice on how to deal with him, there's tons of books (ask us) to help you with this.
OM-coach must be removed from his job, offer him to assist him in this.
If there're enablers, friends in the know, you must disclose too, their level of involvement.
Complete honesty, respect and humility is what it takes.


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## calvin (Jan 7, 2012)

Shaggy said:


> Here's the thing, cheating isn't just about sex. It's a betrayal of your husbands love and trust. It's you giving yourself to another man.
> 
> If you hide things from you husband, if you do not answer all his questions honestly and openly, then you are again betraying him because you are choosing to lie to him.


Very true,I needed it to move foward.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

Shaggy said:


> Support your husband in kicking the coach publicly as a scum bag. Help your husband tell the coaches wife. I'd also strongly suggest reporting the coach to the league and the other parents. What a scum bag he is.


I really don't get the unequal treatment of the other guy. What make him a scumbag that both she and her husband should now gang up on. Its like your saying, "gee you flirted with him, met him at his house, offered yourself to him, he took you up on it, that makes him the exclusive scumbag in this ordeal".

SSF, you know you've conjured up a sh**storm that done untold damage but you're not the only member of this club. You let your desire get ahead of your good sense. Unfortunately, there's no painless way to handle it. Expect the worse and hope for the best. Your marriage is likely tarred forever.
You may need to ask yourself why you got on this path what seems to be easily.


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## SoSorryFL (Jun 12, 2013)

LostViking said:


> Write out a detailed timeline (dates, when, where, for how long...) and when you sit down to tell him ask him if he wants specifics, then you can just give him the timeline.
> 
> Be prepared for brutal questions: what kind of sex did you have? What positions? How many times did you orgasm? Did you go down on him? Did you do anything with sexually with him that you had never done for your husband? Did you let OM finish in your mouth, on your face... these are the kinds of questions he may ask and you better be prepared to answer truthfully.
> 
> At what point may I ask did you start hating what you were doing? The sex must have been exciting or you would not have gone back for thirds.


I am petrified of doing this. I don't want to write these things down, I know just telling him we were intimate is going to hurt, I don't want to make it worse. I'm not even sure I could speak the answers, and writing them down is worse. I look back at everything that happened and can't believe it was me. I lost my mind during all of this. After the last time I knew it was too much. I was nervous before, and lost that sort of giddy feeling, but I met him anyway. Oh god...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SoSorryFL (Jun 12, 2013)

CEL said:


> Well I am going to start off by saying at least you know that you have to tell him. Many don't and when the husband finds out it makes the betryal so much worse. So you ask what you have done I am going to answer that please understand I am not trying to hurt you but for you to understand what he is going to go through you need to understand what you have really done. After that I will go into how I think you should tell him so if you get tired of hearing me talk just skip to that part.
> 
> What you did
> 
> ...


I appreciate the advice...it's hard to read, I'm already crying. I'll see if my son can stay over at his friends house Friday.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SoSorryFL (Jun 12, 2013)

ThePheonix said:


> I really don't get the unequal treatment of the other guy. What make him a scumbag that both she and her husband should now gang up on. Its like your saying, "gee you flirted with him, met him at his house, offered yourself to him, he took you up on it, that makes him the exclusive scumbag in this ordeal".
> 
> SSF, you know you've conjured up a sh**storm that done untold damage but you're not the only member of this club. You let your desire get ahead of your good sense. Unfortunately, there's no painless way to handle it. Expect the worse and hope for the best. Your marriage is likely tarred forever.
> You may need to ask yourself why you got on this path what seems to be easily.


I don't know. I've just felt really positive about where I was. Healthier than I've ever been. I know that I was too flattered when men approached me. I've always been sort of quiet, and just enjoyed the attention. There was a mutual sense of attraction with AJ. The boys on the team looked up to him, he was playful. I feel like I just sort of got swept up. He was different then D, and part of me responded.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LostViking (Mar 26, 2013)

You got swept up.....

This was the dopamine high of being flirted with by an attractive man. This is the same drug your brain produced when you first met your husband. It was the drug that made you giddy and addicted to him. You see the coach is a player and players like him know how to seduce bored entitled married women like yourself. 

You were an easy mark. And the anger he had towards your husband probably stoked his fire and made him ramp up his flirtatious with you. You were not just a conquest. You were his revenge. What better way to get back at a guy who embarrassed you in front of the other football parents than to bang his wife. 

My god. I have rarely ever called anyone stupid, but I might make an exception in your case. 

You need to get your ducks in a row and prepare to get kicked out. Yes you need to be the one who leaves if he wants it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## A++ (May 21, 2012)

SoSorryFL said:


> I've felt just soul crushing remorse since then. I KNOW that D has got to be told, but how can I do this that would be best for him? This is so hard for me, *but I want to protect him as much as I can.* What makes this more difficult is that when he inevitably asks who it was, its going to be someone he has already said he 'can't stand'. I am so, so sorry for all of this. I can't believe what I've done to us. I can't keep this in any longer. Please, help me to do what is right in the least painful way that I can.


For what? 

I wonder why all cheaters speak the same language?


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## Dyokemm (Apr 24, 2013)

SoSorry,

The advice you have from others here is great.

This is one horrible s**t sandwich you have served up for your family.

Your husband will know that some smug ba**stard he dislikes now gets to smirk at him knowing he violated his wife and family life.

Your son will have to give up a team that he probably has friends on.

I wish you the best, but I don't know if this situation will be able to be recovered in the end unless your husband is close to a saint.

If my lady cheated with a guy I hated, I would never even talk to her again. I would conduct all interactions for a child through a third party.

You also might want to reach out to any other family or friends to help with H after you confess. The reason I say this is because in a situation where the WW has cheated with an OM who is already an enemy, the chances of violence are severely raised.

This is the one situation where I personally would actually contemplate physically destroying the POS and not just ruining his career and reputation. 

This is really bad. And I hope everything doesn't become too crazy for your family.

I do wish you good luck in resolving this.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

ThePheonix said:


> I really don't get the unequal treatment of the other guy. What make him a scumbag that both she and her husband should now gang up on. Its like your saying, "gee you flirted with him, met him at his house, offered yourself to him, he took you up on it, that makes him the exclusive scumbag in this ordeal".
> 
> SSF, you know you've conjured up a sh**storm that done untold damage but you're not the only member of this club. You let your desire get ahead of your good sense. Unfortunately, there's no painless way to handle it. Expect the worse and hope for the best. Your marriage is likely tarred forever.
> You may need to ask yourself why you got on this path what seems to be easily.




Oh she's getting it already, her marriage is dead. She has one chance by telling the full open truth to try and make a new marriage with her husband, but she killed her existing marriage by choosing the scumbag coach over her family and husband.

But the coach, he's using his place as a young children's sports coach to bang moms. That's a huge ethics violation and other families need to be warned about him before he ends more marriages.

He should not be allowed children and their mothers. Families put there trust into sports coaches and he is abusing it to bang moms that are foolish enough to fall for his smarmy lines and false praise.


But, yes the OP has through her own choices betrayed her husband and humiliated him as a man and father by cheating with the coach who ran him off after they disagreed. I'm guessing the emotional part of the affir was already going on at that point and the husband was standing up to the coach.

So the coach and he exchanged words, and the husband was told to leave. The OP then chose to betray her husband and return to the coach and to escalate the betrayal by giving herself sexually to him.

This is a rather very nasty betrayal that has been chosen by the OP. there's no way to sugar coat that.

As has been said, she's got one chance at having a shot at her husband giving her a chance at a second marriage with him, and that is to come fully clean. Sinces this involves her choosing the coach over him so hurt fully, she needs to show to her husband that she is switching her loyalty again back to him. Her exposing the coach publicly and to his wife is a good start to showing that new loyalty to her husband.

If she protects the coach in anyway, then I say is game over for her husband.

Also OP - do not warn or alert the coach that you are either thinking of confessing or have confessed - as that would again you giving loyalty to him over your husband.

In fact from this moment forward you should never talk, text, or interact with the coach in anyway. Anyway at all.


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## Will_Kane (Feb 26, 2012)

SoSorryFL said:


> A quick intro, I'm 34, my H (d) is 37. We've been together for 8 years, married for 6. We have a son who is 7. Things have been good for a long time, stable.
> 
> I've been doing crossfit and other programs since then, and have gone through a lot of changes. I'm very very happy with where I am physically, and feel more attractive than I have in a long time.
> 
> *I can't lie, I did enjoy the new attention I've received from men, but didn't pursue anyone. *


What this means, in cheater-speak, is that _*I've been disrespecting my husband by allowing other men to hit on me constantly and NEVER telling them to buzz off. I encourage them by my silence and SMILES and my pleasant demeanor toward them, to let them know that, even though I am married, I WELCOME all of their sexual attention.*_

You have improved yourself and it is fun to see what is out there, available. Whether you consciously realize it or not, by doing this you are SHOPPING for your husband's replacement.

And you found him.

Keep up this attitude where you "ENJOY" the attention of men, and you will find others, eventually.


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## HarryDoyle (Jan 19, 2013)

SoSorry,

You'll get lots of advice here, so much it will be hard to digest. I'm just going to give my take from experience. I've been where your husband's been. First of all I'm sorry you're here and I'm sorry for your h. BUT....My WW is sitting right next to me, it's been almost seven months since she broke down and told me "I had an affair". Yes I almost passed out. But I still loved her (still do) and I believed she was sorry and remorseful, no doubts. She has done everything I've asked and more, including answering all my questions, which were (are) very tough and personal, but better than letting my imagination run wild. My WW' s PA/EA lasted over a year with a ONS thrown in for good measure, and I still took her back so anything is possible. Just remember, there is no good time to tell him, it will never come. Just do it. Be honest, my FWW trickle truthed a little, it's only human nature, but by and large she was brutally honest. He will want to know why!!! Be prepared to tell him. That was the hardest thing to get out of her, "the why", without blaming me, O'Bama, the economy, her dad, the weather, whatever. Have answer. Good luck.


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## Dyokemm (Apr 24, 2013)

ThePhoenix,

I think there is always a tendency with men to focus a great deal of anger on an OM because of natural instinct.

I agree with you that the WW is the actual person responsible for defending the M vows, but that will never erase evolutionary instinct.

Watch any wildlife film that covers mate competition between males. They don't wait for the female to sniff their rears and make a decision, and the loser walks away moping and depressed with rejection.

My point being that this POS thought he could out alpha another man on his own turf. The natural response is to want to bash the scumbag into the next world.

In this particular case, the situation is made much worse because the H already knew the OM, had conflict with him, and disliked him. Her H will not only feel the normal rage from this, but for an added s**t cherry on top, all of this began and progressed in front of the H's OWN SON.


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## CEL (May 7, 2013)

SoSorryFL said:


> I am petrified of doing this. I don't want to write these things down, I know just telling him we were intimate is going to hurt, I don't want to make it worse. I'm not even sure I could speak the answers, and writing them down is worse. I look back at everything that happened and can't believe it was me. I lost my mind during all of this. After the last time I knew it was too much. I was nervous before, and lost that sort of giddy feeling, but I met him anyway. Oh god...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



This is all about you. That is EXACTLY what got you into this mess in the first place only thinking about YOU. HE will need the timeline to verify that you are telling the truth. HE will need to see these things if you are ever going to get a chance of staying married. 

How has you thinking done for you so far? Time for a change and this is that change your thinking got you into this situation now you are at the point that you realize you need help to get out of the quicksand well we are giving you a rope and you are looking at us saying "Well can't you get it closer?". Yes doing the steps is hard. Yes writing it down is going to be hard. Yes your husband will be hurt but we are trying to make this the easiest on HIM and get you the highest percentage change of staying with HIM. So you wannna do the hard work or just keep screwing up? Balls in your court this is your chance to BE the wife you should of BEEN ALL ALONG.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Dyokemm said:


> ThePhoenix,
> 
> I think there is always a tendency with men to focus a great deal of anger on an OM because of natural instinct.
> 
> ...


A very good post and point.

The OM has been providing leadership to the son, and acting as an authority figure to him, under the OPs approval and encouragement.

Yet another level of humiliation as the husband has been shutdown by the coach and from the sounds of it, not welcome at practices and possibly games.

The coach has his wife, and the coach had his son, and the husband got cheated on, the coach is no doubt thinking he is the top dog tat no one can touch, and he's been laughing all alone at the OPs husband who can keep his wife faithful, and who's own son has been eagerly running around looking for praise from the guy who is helping end his family.

As I said this coach guy is a real scumbag that needs to be publicly exposed for the trash he is.


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## bryanp (Aug 25, 2011)

Did you ever ask yourself how you would feel if your husband betrayed, humiliated and disrespected you by screwing another woman 4 times and while you were out of town? Did you ever ask yourself how you would feel if your husband was screwing a women you specifically said to him that you could not stand?

Did you ever ask yourself why you would risk destroying a husband who loves you and blowing up your marriage and family? I am curious but do you believe that your husband is such a nice guy that you felt you could have a sexual affair and if it came out he would forgive you anyway so you really had nothing to lose?

You need to seek individual counseling to understand why you engaged in such a self-destructive path. At the very least you need to be totally honest with your husband now and answer all of his questions. Finally you need to ask yourself why you engaged in such behavior willingly to inflict such pain to a husband that loves you? How would you respond if the roles had been reversed?


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## Will_Kane (Feb 26, 2012)

SoSorryFL said:


> I'm very very happy with where I am physically, and feel more attractive than I have in a long time. D was supportive, but didn't want to participate. *He's not a fit person*, but I still feel attracted to him. I can't lie, I did enjoy the new attention I've received from men, but didn't pursue anyone. Fast forward to 6 months ago. My son is in peewee football, and one of the coaches is a man named AJ. AJ is a bit younger than I am, and still *has a sort of boyish charm*. *He's a flirt*, as *most of the other mothers on the team know*. D used to take our son to practice, but after a dust up with AJ (*D thought he was pushing the kids too hard*), stopped. Our son loves playing, and most of his friends play too, so I took over. *AJ and I would sometimes talk during practice, sometimes after*. I think i fell into the 'fog' that is mentioned on the board a lot. We did eventually trade numbers, and texted/chatted back and forth. *There was chemistry there*, and I felt distanced (which I think was my doing) from D. After two months, AJ and I met up at his home while D was out of town visiting family with our son. It turned from an EA to a PA that night (YES, it was protected). I felt remorse, but *was still 'high' from the rush of it all*. Looking back, I can't believe my actions. *We were together three more times *until I just couldn't do it anymore. The last time was in April.


Wow, all that boyish charm, a bit younger than you, and the apple of every other mother's eye! He sounds absolutely DREAMY!!! You must be so pleased that out of all of the other moms he could have chosen, HE CHOSE YOU!!! Quite a catch for you!

How long until all of the gossiping that all of those other moms do about you and AJ gets back to your husband?

Why did you end it with AJ? Did his wife catch you? Did you want more than he could give? Or did he want more than you could give? Or was there some type of scare? Maybe other moms were starting to put together the pieces? What was it?

I don't want to see any kid's parents get divorced, but you better get a hold of yourself, and quick, if you are going to have any chance of saving your marriage. You didn't think of cutting all contact with AJ? Get out of the fog.

Here's my advice. Sit down and put yourself in your husband's shoes. Really think like you've been cheated on by your husband with someone you despise. How would you want your husband to act? What would you want him to do or say? Would you like to hear about the other woman's girlish charms? Or how fit she was? Or the great chemistry they had? That chemistry is going to END YOUR MARRIAGE.

When you tell us that your husband is not a "FIT PERSON," you are telling us that you will have NO PROBLEM finding another romantic interest, but that the only way your husband will find another woman is if he pays for it. I doubt you even consciously realize you are sending these messages. Usually women are better than men at reading these things between the lines, but I guess you're still all fogged up by the HIGH of your adultery.


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## Woodchuck (Nov 1, 2012)

What is your son going to think when MOM pulls him out of football, and all the kids on the team find out coach is gone because ****'s mom screwed around with him? 

When you cheat, it's not just on your husband....You cheated on your son, your husbands parents, your parents,the coaches wife, and kids, and their extended family....

What you did will mark this summer forever in your sons mind.........It will not be remembered as the summer mom got in really good shape....It will be the summer MOM blew up his world.....

You need to expose that scumbag coach....Make sure you are the last WW notch on his six shooter"....He probably knocks of one or two every season...I guess it was like scoring with your HS football quarterback, and you didn't even have to compete with a squad of perky cheerleaders........

You have gotten some good advice on this board, but I think you should consider the feelings of your husband and son...Wait till after Fathers day to make your confession....You will be able to look back on it as the last family event of your marriage.... 

Get someone to watch your son, and make sure you tell him on a Friday so he will at least have a couple of days to pull himself together before he go's back to work on Monday to SUPPORT HIS FAMILY.....

Have a bag packed in case he throws you out immediately, and be prepared to face his immense grief and anger.......

This is the most brutal post I have ever made, but it is just a taste of what will come in your immediate future......

*I hope your H can find it in his heart to R with you, your son doesn't deserve to come from a broken home....* There are several women on TAM who have cheated and then been taken back by their husband.....It is a long difficult journey

On the other hand your old "out of shape" hubby may kick you to the curb, get buffed, and find a woman who can respect her wedding vows.....

You say you are FIT, I can only think "Fit for WHAT"????

Read all the other posts, follow their good advice, and remember, all the suffering you see and feel were caused by one bad decision.....Make sure it was your last..

the woodchuck


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

I'm curious , as the OM tried bedding you again? Why would he give up when he's got a sure thing going on? It just seems too simple that the affair just ended do easily.

Has the OM been trying to contact you? To arrange more hook ups?

Btw, if you ever did it in your bed - replace it.

Also, take the clothes, sexy lingerie, shoes, even the jewelry you wore for the OM, put them in a bag and hand over to your husband for him to destroy.


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## LostViking (Mar 26, 2013)

And at some point you will have to confess to your husband you are no longer attracted to him. He didn't go on your weight loss journey with you.... another thing that put a wedge between you and him that started you on this abysmal journey.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Dyokemm (Apr 24, 2013)

Shaggy, 

I agree with you completely about this POSOM.

In fact, this situation makes me so mad I don't know if I could handle it peacefully at all if it was my reality.

Guys like this piece of trash and how he has treated the H, who he obviously considers a weak p**sy that he can walk on and disrespect at his leisure, make me daydream about filling holes in the California desert.

I'm sure this c**ky scumbag would smirk and say, "What are you gonna do about it, p**sy?" if the H was to confront him.


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## Will_Kane (Feb 26, 2012)

SoSorryFL said:


> I know it was wrong, I'm full of regret, remorse, I hate myself :-( . I don't want to tell him details at first, but is it helpful to just tell him if heasks? It's nothing I want to say, out even think about, and not something I think he'd want to hear. What have I done?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Almost all of us will tell you, the lying, minimizing, and trickle-truthing of all the details piece by hurtful piece over a period of days, weeks, or months did more damage to the marriage than the cheating itself.

If you are going to tell your husband, tell it straight and tell it all. Pull the band-aid off quick and painful, then let it heal.


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## calvin (Jan 7, 2012)

Will_Kane said:


> Almost all of us will tell you, the lying, minimizing, and trickle-truthing of all the details piece by hurtful piece over a period of days, weeks, or months did more damage to the marriage than the cheating itself.
> 
> If you are going to tell your husband, tell it straight and tell it all. Pull the band-aid off quick and painful, then let it heal.


Agreed,the sooner the better.
It is really an unbelievable pain..and it will stick around for awhile.
Get your crap together and tell him,now.
He will always wonder if you were speaking the truth if you wait.
It tells a BS that you are and were hiding more.
Its going to come out sooner or later,its better for you both if you come clean now.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

I wasn't going to post in this thread. But I do have one suggestion to make. If this is a small town, the only possible option I see for this marriage to work out will be to move away from this town. I'm amazed at the stupidity of people who think nothing about sh!tting in their own back yard.


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## Jeffery (Oct 8, 2012)

i hope your husband is like tears Xhusband


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

You have emasculated your husband with your betrayal. Your only recourse is to tell him the truth and DO NOT LIE about anything. He will badly need to recover his self-respect and your lying even more than you already have will only make this impossible. He will not give you another chance if you compound the humiliation by lying to him.

You say you don't want to hurt him further & that is cheater speak for "I have to lie." Don't do this.

Be prepared to see more hurt than you can imagine. You've unloaded a world of pain on your H & now you have to do whatever he needs to help him.

What could you have been thinking? You really need to figure that out. You've blown up your marriage & you have to tell him. It's the only chance the two of you might have.


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## barbados (Aug 30, 2012)

Jeffery said:


> i hope your husband is like tears Xhusband


Only if he finds out though


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## SoSorryFL (Jun 12, 2013)

LostViking said:


> You got swept up.....
> 
> This was the dopamine high of being flirted with by an attractive man. This is the same drug your brain produced when you first met your husband. It was the drug that made you giddy and addicted to him. You see the coach is a player and players like him know how to seduce bored entitled married women like yourself.
> 
> ...


That was not a part of all this. We never really spoke about D. We just started out talking to each other, simple life stuff, how our days were going. It eventually got more flirtatious, but it was just about him or I. I don't think he was out for"revenge". 

I know that he may very well ask me to leave. I'm telling him Friday. I'm scared already, but know he may need time alone, or at least away from me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SoSorryFL (Jun 12, 2013)

bryanp said:


> Did you ever ask yourself how you would feel if your husband betrayed, humiliated and disrespected you by screwing another woman 4 times and while you were out of town? Did you ever ask yourself how you would feel if your husband was screwing a women you specifically said to him that you could not stand?
> 
> Did you ever ask yourself why you would risk destroying a husband who loves you and blowing up your marriage and family? I am curious but do you believe that your husband is such a nice guy that you felt you could have a sexual affair and if it came out he would forgive you anyway so you really had nothing to lose?
> 
> You need to seek individual counseling to understand why you engaged in such a self-destructive path. At the very least you need to be totally honest with your husband now and answer all of his questions. Finally you need to ask yourself why you engaged in such behavior willingly to inflict such pain to a husband that loves you? How would you respond if the roles had been reversed?


I have tried to put myself in his position, honestly. I don't know how I could've let things get to this point. I've tried to be a good wife and mother in the past, and I just lost who I was through pure selfishness. I know how much this is going to hurt him. I'd give anything to go back and change it, believe me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

SoSorryFL said:


> That was not a part of all this. *We never really spoke about D.* We just started out talking to each other, simple life stuff, how our days were going. It eventually got more flirtatious, but it was just about him or I. I don't think he was out for"revenge".
> 
> I know that he may very well ask me to leave. I'm telling him Friday. I'm scared already, but know he may need time alone, or at least away from me.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


LOL.


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## workindad (May 7, 2011)

OP, if you are truly remorseful and you may be. Tell him everything that he wants to know. Ask him what he wants to know. Do not minimize, blameshift or trickle truth. All are killers. 

Condoms are good protection, but not perfect. If you want to be extra cautious, get std testing done. It will show an action that you are taking to protect everyone's health. I doubt you are the coach's first mom he scored with.

If you do not tell him, it will be worse if/when he finds out. He already knows the coach and doesn't like him. I'm sure the coach has a sense of that and may be part of the reason he went after you. Imagine how it will be when coach runs his mouth about it. Good gossip gets around.

Save some credibility... you will need it. Tell him and do it soon.


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## SoSorryFL (Jun 12, 2013)

Will_Kane said:


> Wow, all that boyish charm, a bit younger than you, and the apple of every other mother's eye! He sounds absolutely DREAMY!!! You must be so pleased that out of all of the other moms he could have chosen, HE CHOSE YOU!!! Quite a catch for you!
> 
> How long until all of the gossiping that all of those other moms do about you and AJ gets back to your husband?
> 
> ...


I ended it with him in April. I just couldn't go on with it any longer. Only one of my closest friends knows, and she was floored when I told her. Besides a few practices, I don't talk to AJ anymore. He's single, not sure if he has a girlfriend.I don't think that anyone else knows, so there isn't any gossip to spread. I want to come clean to D, he deserves to hear this from me. I'm so ashamed, and filled with remorse. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Did the coach end it? Did you get dumped ? /be honest. Is the guilt because the OM discarded you so easily and did not bother pursuing you after ending it ?


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## SoSorryFL (Jun 12, 2013)

workindad said:


> OP, if you are truly remorseful and you may be. Tell him everything that he wants to know. Ask him what he wants to know. Do not minimize, blameshift or trickle truth. All are killers.
> 
> Condoms are good protection, but not perfect. If you want to be extra cautious, get std testing done. It will show an action that you are taking to protect everyone's health. I doubt you are the coach's first mom he scored with.
> 
> ...


I've been looking online, and will get the test done. Most everything was protected, but I want to be sure. I wasn't sure if I should tell D about the test or not, though.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

I think you need to prepare to be dumped. I'm not hopeful at all. Given the level of betrayal, and with an enemy even, I'd have to dump you. And I'd never look back. I agree you're way more deserving of this than Tears and that's exactly what she got. Let me guess, you did things for this guy you wouldn't with your husband?


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Do you plan to tell your H ? Is he suspicious ?


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## BK23 (Apr 17, 2013)

writing style seems.... familiar


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## Will_Kane (Feb 26, 2012)

SoSorryFL said:


> I ended it with him in April. I just couldn't go on with it any longer. Only one of my closest friends knows, and she was floored when I told her. Besides a few practices, I don't talk to AJ anymore. He's single, not sure if he has a girlfriend.I don't think that anyone else knows, so there isn't any gossip to spread. I want to come clean to D, he deserves to hear this from me. I'm so ashamed, and filled with remorse.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


When your husband finds out, those "few practices" where you continue to talk to AJ might be the nail in the coffin of your marriage.

Stop interacting with AJ at all. Zero contact. Your husband is NOT going to want to hear that you had to keep talking to AJ "to keep up appearances."


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## Nucking Futs (Apr 8, 2013)

SoSorryFL said:


> I am petrified of doing this. I don't want to write these things down, I know just telling him we were intimate is going to hurt, I don't want to make it worse. I'm not even sure I could speak the answers, and writing them down is worse. I look back at everything that happened and can't believe it was me. I lost my mind during all of this. After the last time I knew it was too much. I was nervous before, and lost that sort of giddy feeling, but I met him anyway. Oh god...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You have to be prepared to tell him everything he wants to know. Right now you have shared intimacy with AJ that your husband is not part of, and that's something that will tear him up. If you try to preserve any of that intimacy you might as well still be in the affair. 

Write out the detailed timeline, as detailed as you can get. Times, dates, how long, positions, where he finished, protection used, everything. Spare no detail no matter how small it may seem to you, every bit of information must be available to your husband. Write out a second timeline that's a little more generic, dates, locations and orifices he used. Seal them in envelopes and write General on one and Details on the other. 

When you confess give him both and tell him what they are, let him decide when or if to read them. Answer any question he has, don't refer him to the written timeline just answer. Be prepared for him to ask the same questions over and over and you need to just answer them as many times as he asks. Arrange for someplace to spend the night in case he kicks you out.

I see that you told a friend. Be prepared to lose this friend as your husband may require you to go no contact with anyone that knew but didn't tell him. I would.

Once you have confessed to him and he's had his initial reaction, you need to start confessing to everyone else. Do you want to save your marriage enough to stand behind the pulpit at your church Sunday morning and announce what you did to the congregation? He may want that. You need to contact your parents and explain what you did and ask for support, and contact his parents the same way but ask them to support him. Brothers, sisters, inlaws, you have to expose yourself as far as he wants you to. Do not tell anyone until after you've told him and without his permission.

Does your husband have guns?


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

You didn't answer, has the OM been sniffing around looking for more?


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Oh, btw, your best friend by not telling your husband is no friend of the marriage.

You now have given more loyalty to the friend by telling her than you have to your husband because you confine to lie to him.


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## Will_Kane (Feb 26, 2012)

SoSorryFL said:


> I ended it with him in April. *I just couldn't go on with it any longer. *Only one of my closest friends knows, and she was floored when I told her. Besides a few practices, I don't talk to AJ anymore. He's single, not sure if he has a girlfriend.I don't think that anyone else knows, so there isn't any gossip to spread. I want to come clean to D, he deserves to hear this from me. I'm so ashamed, and filled with remorse.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Why did you end it with him? "I just couldn't go on with it any longer" is not a reason. You were afraid of getting caught? The sexual chemistry was wearing off? AJ didn't live up to expectations? You realized your husband was better than AJ?


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## AlphaHalf (Aug 5, 2012)

> YES, it was protected.


To bad you cant say the same about your marriage vow. Tell your husband. There is no easy way to tell him. Just do it. Tip Toeing and sidestepping near the issue will only make it worse.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

I doubt it was protected. And I doubt the husband will believe that bs. It's just another way of minimizing. Cheaters lie. Best to just assume anything said is a lie and assume worst case.


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## Jeffery (Oct 8, 2012)

I know my opinion might not be the most popular here on tam when i say that I believe that real change in a cheater is very rare even when they Seem remorseful and so this marriage should end.

You wanted to do this, the sex was highly charged and only after a few organisms where you regretting it. You have payed for your fun with your husbands pain.

You have know idea of the great magnitude of hurt and pain that is coming his way. Take a minute and look at your husband, just look and watch him for awhile , and try to remember how he is now because after he finds out this man is Dead.

"Momi why is daddy crying?"

Latter in the future when he has moved on and you see him in a happy relationship with someone else,your can be proud of the fact that you have helped him find it.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Tell him everything in every detail possible as he asks. Not knowing the full truth will often send his mind into circles of did they do this did they do that...

yes it is counter intuitive.


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

He's gonna have a father's day weekend he will never forget. Still, the truth will come out one way or the other.

This part of your story doesn't add upfor me: the OM is single and around 30 y/o. what's a young single guy doing coaching peewee sports? Unless he has a nephew on the team.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

walkonmars said:


> He's gonna have a father's day weekend he will never forget. Still, the truth will come out one way or the other.
> 
> This part of your story doesn't add upfor me: the OM is single and around 30 y/o. what's a young single guy doing coaching peewee sports? Unless he has a nephew on the team.


God I forgot about fathers day.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

what's a young single guy doing coaching peewee sports? Unless he has a nephew on the team Trolling for married wives.


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## Dyokemm (Apr 24, 2013)

SoSorry,

I know you may not have been thinking or talking about your H in the midst of your cheating, but if this scummy POS had a conflict with him over the kids, then I guarantee you in the back of his mind he was gloating that he was making your husband a cuckold. He was treasuring the thought that he was banging the wife of the wimp who had dared to try and tell him how to deal with the kids.

Of course he would never have voiced these thoughts to you, because that would have probably knocked you out of the fog and brought his fun to an end. If he had openly insulted your H to your face, he would have lost the chance to further disgrace the man.

But I promise you, this POS was thinking this.


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## Dyokemm (Apr 24, 2013)

My current gf has several women that I know she does not like at all, one of whom is an old friend of mine that I once went on a couple dates with.

I do not cheat, but in addition, I won't even talk to any of these women because I know how my gf feels about them.

I'm still trying to wrap my mind around how you could possibly have ever let yourself get to this position OP. ESPECIALLY with this scumbag of all people. 

How on earth were warning bells not going off in your head from the first inappropriate statement.

I really feel for your H. This is going to completely destroy him.

I'm also sorry for you, because the pain you are going to feel once this tears your family apart is going to be almost unbearable.

But remember when you are hurting, your pain won't even come close to what your H will be going through.


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## dogman (Jul 24, 2012)

When my son played football as a grade schooler I was stuck at his practices waiting. So I hung out near a woman who was nice enough to talk to me. She was nice, it was all just small talk but ill tell you what....
I found out later that people were watching and had been talking and things went flying around that something was going on.
The truth was I was bored and she was the only one there that talked. From then on I have been very careful when my wife is not with me, and I talk to a woman. 

If you think no one knows you're out of your mind! 

I hope your prepared to be known for what you've done. It ain't pretty.


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## SoSorryFL (Jun 12, 2013)

Nucking Futs said:


> You have to be prepared to tell him everything he wants to know. Right now you have shared intimacy with AJ that your husband is not part of, and that's something that will tear him up. If you try to preserve any of that intimacy you might as well still be in the affair.
> 
> Write out the detailed timeline, as detailed as you can get. Times, dates, how long, positions, where he finished, protection used, everything. Spare no detail no matter how small it may seem to you, every bit of information must be available to your husband. Write out a second timeline that's a little more generic, dates, locations and orifices he used. Seal them in envelopes and write General on one and Details on the other.
> 
> ...


No, we don't have any guns. We're not into hunting or anything, and I'm just uncomfortable around them.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SoSorryFL (Jun 12, 2013)

Shaggy said:


> You didn't answer, has the OM been sniffing around looking for more?


No, when I ended it, I told him it was Over. I deleted his number from my phone, and haven't called or texted him since April. We've barely spoken, and when I do see him, I keep my distance. There is no chance of me wanting to get close to him again.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SoSorryFL (Jun 12, 2013)

walkonmars said:


> He's gonna have a father's day weekend he will never forget. Still, the truth will come out one way or the other.
> 
> This part of your story doesn't add upfor me: the OM is single and around 30 y/o. what's a young single guy doing coaching peewee sports? Unless he has a nephew on the team.


We live in a smaller town. My H and I moved here a few years ago, but AJ was born here. He does have a son from a previous relationship, but he's a toddler. AJ played in high school, and people in the community know his family, so I think he just volunteered to help out.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SoSorryFL (Jun 12, 2013)

Dyokemm said:


> My current gf has several women that I know she does not like at all, one of whom is an old friend of mine that I once went on a couple dates with.
> 
> I do not cheat, but in addition, I won't even talk to any of these women because I know how my gf feels about them.
> 
> ...


I think everyone is blowing their disagreement out of proportion. It wasn't a fist fight or anything. D approached him at a practice, and said he thought he was pushing the boys too much. They had some words from what I'm told, but that was it. D was working later hours at the time, so I told him I could just start taking our son to the practices. He's still welcome at the games and everything.

When AJ and I started communicating, it was just about normal stuff, like I said. When things became more flirty, I did think that I should distance myself. I see that I was just lying to myself when I considered it harmless. After being married for a while, I thought it was kind of fun to get these playful messages. I didn't think they were going anywhere, so I played along. I can't believe how stupid I was, how I let everything progress. I was completely selfish, I know that looking back. I can barely sleep, eat right now. It's so hard just trying to keep it together. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## rrrbbbttt (Apr 6, 2011)

Be prepared for the questions on details. If you did anything with "AJ" that you did not do with your husband it will be a big psychological blow. 

Also, you previously posted "Most" was Protected, that means not all. Your husband will also need to be tested for "STD's" You may now be a carrier but not show it. Similar to "Thyphoid Mary".

I also believe as most of the others posters have stated that you really need to assess your situation, someone mentioned "TEARS" who did it once with a hookup and suffered the loss of her marriage. You did it multiple times and did not have the revulsion until after the 4th time. Why did it take so long, or were you scared of getting caught and that is the only reason you stopped?

Also, did you ever do it within your own house, that was not clear. If so you will need to get rid of everything that can be associated.

I do not know if you have read about "Mind Movies" but you now have sentenced your husband to a life of always having a thought of how you did it with "AJ" the positions, your so enjoying it that you went and did it seveal times etc. A wonderful "Fathers Day Gift".

I pray for your husband because he will be going through H_LL.

Does he have anybody who he can turn to for support? And No it is not you though some go through the "Stockholm Syndrome" for Betrayal, you have your own agenda and will be psycholgically pushing that at him at this time and he needs to get himself okay.


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## ironman (Feb 6, 2013)

SoSorry,

Time to bite the bullet so to speak. Get your confession over with and be 100% honest with every question asked ... don't leave out important details. It has to be done, that's the price you pay for doing what you've done. And stop looking for the "perfect moment" to tell him ... just do it. 

Delay is your way of avoiding the inevitable ... small town ... people talk. He'll most likely find out anyway ... better it be from you. The longer the delay .. the bigger the betrayal because that means you will have been dishonest for a longer time frame.

No matter what happens here on out, having confessed you will have at least done 1 thing right

Stop living the lie! Tell the truth.


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## azteca1986 (Mar 17, 2013)

Firstly, you're doing the right thing coming here for advice. 
One good thing I see in your posts is that you are not trying to justify your bad choices. You're doing the right thing by telling your husband. When you tell him, be completely honest with him. Don't hold things back to 'spare him'. You won't. You'll only hurt him further.



SoSorryFL said:


> When AJ and I started communicating, it was just about normal stuff, like I said. When things became more flirty, I did think that I should distance myself. I see that I was just lying to myself when I considered it harmless. After being married for a while, I thought it was kind of fun to get these playful messages. *I didn't think they were going anywhere, so I played along.*


There's quite a jump from here...



SoSorryFL said:


> After two months, AJ and I met up at his home while D was out of town visiting family with our son. It turned from an EA to a PA that night (YES, it was protected).


... to here. Be honest with yourself so that you can be honest with your husband. When you went to the OM's home you knew why you were going. You knew this. The OM knew this. Your husband will know too.

*Whatever you do DO NOT say "It just happened". *The playful messages took just two months before you chose to take things physical. You gave yourself permission to have a PA.


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## workindad (May 7, 2011)

OP in one of your replies you state the only one who knows is a girlfriend of yours. That is not correct. The coach knows. Plus whoever he told. You told someone and have more to lose than be does. I'm sure he's told people as well. Also I have been around youth sports for a long time and trust me when I say that others are more perceptive than you are giving them credit for. You are in a small town as well. Tongues are wagging. 

I would tell him about the std test. He will eventually be concerned about his physical health and you can at least address that on the front end. 

Good luck.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

If its a very small town you likely already are personally the subject of gossip a the mom AJ bedded. He's already bragged to his buddies who told their wives. The other moms no doubt noticed too and have been talking about you.

You should strongly think about moving if its that small because your husband and child are going to be badly affected by it.

Your son will be isolated and outcast from play dates and other things because the moms will not want their kids around that sort of woman.

Btw, all this is will go down regardless of you telling your husband or not.

- also I didn't ask about you chasing AJ, I'm surprised AJ hasn't tried initiating contact to see if he can't get some more easy no strings attached sex.

Btw, if you did anything sexual with AJ that you do not do for your husband , you better start thinking about doing it for him too after you've gotten clen STD checks.

You also better honestly answer if your husband asks you about you ever coming home after being with AJ and then having sex with H in the next day or two. 

Yes, the questions are going to be hard to answer, but this is part of the hardwork you have to do to have a chance at a second marriage to your H.


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## BrockLanders (Jul 23, 2012)

SoSorryFL said:


> I haven't taken my son off the team yet, but I see that I must do that asap. I don't talk to him, or interact with him much, just trying to keep up appearances.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Why must the son suffer the sins of his mother? It would make it convenient for you but how will you explain it to him. Hold off on this till you speak to your husband. You sound remorseful, I hope everything works out for you both.


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## SoSorryFL (Jun 12, 2013)

rrrbbbttt said:


> Be prepared for the questions on details. If you did anything with "AJ" that you did not do with your husband it will be a big psychological blow.
> 
> Also, you previously posted "Most" was Protected, that means not all. Your husband will also need to be tested for "STD's" You may now be a carrier but not show it. Similar to "Thyphoid Mary".
> 
> ...


I stopped it because I just couldn't deal with the emotional toll anymore. When things started, it felt like a different life. There was the old me, but then there was another life. It was exciting at first, but the stress of it got to be too much. I could barely talk to D, I felt so much regret, so much shame. I was a little afraid of getting caught, but that wasn't the only reason why I had to stop it.

No, he never ever came to our home. When I ended things with him, I threw away the gifts he had given me.

He and his brother are close, and he doesn't live too far away. We moved here a few years ago, so there's no family, but we both have friends here. 

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## JustGrinding (Oct 26, 2012)

Will_Kane said:


> When your husband finds out, those "few practices" where you continue to talk to AJ might be the nail in the coffin of your marriage.
> 
> Stop interacting with AJ at all. Zero contact. Your husband is NOT going to want to hear that you had to keep talking to AJ "to keep up appearances."


Every time you lay eyes on this pig, every time you are around him, every time you are in his presence to "keep up appearances," every time you take it on yourself to be around "the coach" thinking you can handle it, it's a fresh betrayal of your husband. This is how he will see it. 

Every minute you delay in telling him is a fresh betrayal. This is how he will see it.

You effed up. You're still effing up. I don't think there's much you can do here other than be prepared to accept the natural consequences.

I hope the attention was worth it.


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## toonaive (Dec 13, 2012)

tom67 said:


> God I forgot about fathers day.


Yea, I stumbled on texts and emails of my AxW in what turned out to be a number of dalliances. A week before fathers day a few years ago. Since then, I struggle through that day with my sons. I also do the same with mothers day. She was no mother to them.


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## bryanp (Aug 25, 2011)

You certainly sound remorseful and I wish you luck. Your husband will want to know if you engaged in any sexual activities that you have not done with your husband. In addition, your husband will want to know if you ever engaged in sexual activities with AJ and then later that same day engaged in sex with your husband.

You understand that your husband will be screaming at you why, why, why did you do this to me, to us, to our family? I am just preparing you that he will be in shock and constantly having mind movies. Nevertheless I commend you for being honest with him tomorrow and taking full blame. If only there was a time machine. All of this for what? Good luck tomorrow.


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## LostCPA (Apr 15, 2011)

Like the old saying goes, you can’t put the toothpaste back in the tube once it’s out and in your case, the toothpaste is out of the tube and smeared all over the counter. The only thing you can do now is clean up the mess.

I would suggest that you write a detailed account of your affair including times, places, acts, and even what you were wearing. The more detailed the better. Go ahead and throw those clothes out because even they are tainted by your actions. Then tell you BH that you have had an affair with this scumbag coach and let him decide if he wants the details. Some want and need the details and some don’t, but that is his decision. If he does you can let him read your account and then answer his questions with complete honesty.

Don’t worry about hurting his feelings with your answers, because it is too late for that. The biggest obstacle to reconciliation in most marriages where affairs happen is continued dishonesty after d-day. Nothing you can tell him will hurt him nearly as much as the affair itself and if you aren’t completely honest it will be just another betrayal of him. 

Lies and deceit got you into this mess and now total, radical honesty is your only hope of recovery. He may still divorce you, that’s his choice. But, if you are to have any hope now you must be totally honest.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Will_Kane said:


> Why did you end it with him? "I just couldn't go on with it any longer" is not a reason. You were afraid of getting caught? The sexual chemistry was wearing off? AJ didn't live up to expectations? You realized your husband was better than AJ?


I suspect a reason beyond guilt. maybe his personality was a turn off. Maybe he was talking to other women and she realize she was just one of them. Maybe he made hurtful comments.


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## JMGrey (Dec 19, 2012)

SoSorryFL said:


> I stopped it because I just couldn't deal with the emotional toll anymore. When things started, it felt like a different life. There was the old me, but then there was another life. It was exciting at first, but the stress of it got to be too much. I could barely talk to D, I felt so much regret, so much shame. I was a little afraid of getting caught, but that wasn't the only reason why I had to stop it.
> 
> No, he never ever came to our home. When I ended things with him, I threw away the gifts he had given me.
> 
> He and his brother are close, and he doesn't live too far away. We moved here a few years ago, so there's no family, but we both have friends here.


From where I sit, this remorse is pure affectation and nothing more. You feel remorse after the first time, not after the four, sixth, or tenth or wherever it ends. What happened is that something got through to you. Not about the damage you caused but about what kind of damage could be caused for you. As you say, you live in a small town, and your husband and lover had an intimate but basically public disagreement. And then at some point, you started to think that what you were doing wasn't worth it. Not for your marriage's sake but for your own. Maybe you overheard one of the other mothers' on the team saying that they'd like to try him on for size but her husband would kill her if he found out. Maybe you were laying in his bed while your husband thought you were out running errands, and you realized that for all the thrills and great sex the way your lover lived wasn't up to the standard to which you've become accustomed. I don't know what the trigger was, but the only person that you're worried about is yourself. You're worried about your reputation and your way of life. You are *not* worried about your husband's feelings, only his reaction. If you had an ounce of genuine remorse, you would have told him in April, when you ended the affair.

There's something that we're not being told here. Perhaps some loose lips are about to sink ships? There's no logical reason to conceal it two months after it ended and then want to tell your husband on Father's Day weekend, a holiday which is all about his being a family man. I'm willing to bet that something has forced your hand.


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## LostCPA (Apr 15, 2011)

Whatever the circumstances concerning her sudden need to come clean, I have a feeling that reconciliation will come at a high price and I’m not sure the OP realizes the price yet. There are so many complicating factors.
1.	He is her son’s coach, meaning she will need to take her son off the team to maintain NC and to prevent her BH from triggering at every practice and game.
2.	This is a small town, so most everyone either already knows or will know soon making it difficult and embarrassing for her BH to face friends and neighbors. It also makes it more likely to run into POS OM on the street.
3.	Because POS OM is a youth coach, the other team parents need to be told about this predator who preys on football Mom’s. The other parents deserve to know what kind of predator is coaching their children to protect their children and their marriages.
4.	Her affair stems purely from her need for male validation and her willingness to do whatever it took to get it. My WxW was this way also and it is very difficult to change this deep seeded need. OP needs some intensive IC to work on this and even then, it won’t be easy.

OP, I wish you well, but realize that you have a long road to walk and a lot of hard work ahead, no matter whether your BH chooses to stay or leave.


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

JMGrey said:


> From where I sit, this remorse is pure affectation and nothing more. You feel remorse after the first time, not after the four, sixth, or tenth or wherever it ends. What happened is that something got through to you. Not about the damage you caused but about what kind of damage could be caused for you. *As you say, you live in a small town, and your husband and lover had an intimate but basically public disagreement.* And then at some point, you started to think that what you were doing wasn't worth it. Not for your marriage's sake but for your own. Maybe you overheard one of the other mothers' on the team saying that they'd like to try him on for size but her husband would kill her if he found out. Maybe you were laying in his bed while your husband thought you were out running errands, and you realized that for all the thrills and great sex the way your lover lived wasn't up to the standard to which you've become accustomed. I don't know what the trigger was, but the only person that you're worried about is yourself. You're worried about your reputation and your way of life. You are *not* worried about your husband's feelings, only his reaction. If you had an ounce of genuine remorse, you would have told him in April, when you ended the affair.
> 
> There's something that we're not being told here. Perhaps some loose lips are about to sink ships? There's no logical reason to conceal it two months after it ended and then want to tell your husband on Father's Day weekend, a holiday which is all about his being a family man. I'm willing to bet that something has forced your hand.






SoSorryFL said:


> My son is in peewee football, and one of the coaches is a man named AJ. AJ is a bit younger than I am, and still has a sort of boyish charm. He's a flirt, as most of the other mothers on the team know. D used to take our son to practice, but *after a dust up with AJ *(D thought he was pushing the kids too hard), stopped. Our son loves playing, and most of his friends play too, so I took over.




The bolded is a good point. For emphasis I'll say this, she slept with an "enemy" of her husband. That's got to hurt him severely along with the sex.

So, what to do about that?


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

Stonewall said:


> I know you think you know how much pain this will cause him but I promise you with all my heart.......You have absolutely no clue. NONE!


This is it. You have no idea, first, because you've done it to him and not the other way around & second, because he is a man and will experience it differently.

If you're smart, you will pay very close attention to the men here. It is difficult for a woman to understand how important the sex aspect is to a man - what kind of sex, how often, etc. - as well as how important the cuckolding aspect is, i.e., you slept with the POS your H had words with.

Your actions have robbed your H of his self-respect as a man in a way that you don't understand. You need to start wrapping your mind around this. This is a very primal and deep betrayal.


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

SoSorryFL said:


> That was not a part of all this. We never really spoke about D. We just started out talking to each other, simple life stuff, how our days were going. It eventually got more flirtatious, but it was just about him or I. I don't think he was out for "revenge".


Don't be so so naive. Bedding you, specially after their argument, was an extra power trip completely unrelated to your fabulousness. A little awareness about men is needed.


> I have tried to put myself in his position, honestly. I don't know how I could've let things get to this point. I've tried to be a good wife and mother in the past, and *I just lost who I was through pure selfishness*. I know how much this is going to hurt him. I'd give anything to go back and change it, believe me.


In the same line as above. At this moment you are all over the map, will be for a while. It's indeed premature and you are too "busy" with the bomb explosion to come and very soon dealing with the immediate aftermath but at a certain point you must face the mirror and dig a little more about your motivations: embrace complete self honesty, challenge yourself.
Given the circunstances the way I see... this goes beyond mere "lust intoxication", validation... self gratification.
Most affairs have a component of passive agresive revenge even if it's becasue the betrayed failure to make the wayward X, Y or Z, falling short in acheiving the script. In this particular case, your choice of OM screams a hidden desire of emasculation likely built on resentment.
Asuming you always was a faithful woman (i believe so) this sounds more than the typical "f0ck all" but a gigantic, "f0ck you". I can garantee you your husband will see it immediately.


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## barbados (Aug 30, 2012)

SoSorry, were you still having regular sex with your husband during your affair ?


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

There are some serious inconsistencies with this whole thing.

So 6 months ago, your story begins. That's December. Peewee football is typically played from August through October/November. Done by Thanksgiving for sure.

Then "after 2 months" (now we are into February), you hooked up with this guy when your H went out of town with your son. Now we are well after football ends, so there is no reason AJ should even be anywhere now. Also kinda weird your H would go out of town with your son in February, during the school year.

Also, you say they had a "dust up", and that you don't want violence to come of this. Yet, later, after people tell you how that makes things 20X worse, you downplay it.

Since February's first hookup, you went over and did it with him 3 more times until April. Did your H go out of town with your son 3 more times? 

You preface everyone by saying "YES we used protection", but then later you say you were "mostly protected" and that you probably should get tested for STDs. Convenient.

And last, the story started 6 months ago, but somehow, against all logic, there is STILL football practice going on, in June, and you are deciding whether to pull him. Um, there isn't a peewee football league in the world that last more than 6 months, let alone more than 3-4 months.

Maybe you should try again.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

The coach had you. Why? Because he thought you were the most sexy women ever?

No. He did it to destroy your husband's manhood and his marriage.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

Thanks Gabriel!

There was something off and you picked up on them.


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## JMGrey (Dec 19, 2012)

Gabriel said:


> There are some serious inconsistencies with this whole thing.
> 
> So 6 months ago, your story begins. That's December. Peewee football is typically played from August through October/November. Done by Thanksgiving for sure.
> 
> ...


Good catch on this, mate. I don't know American football at all, so I absolutely didn't catch on to this.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

JMGrey said:


> Good catch on this, mate. I don't know American football at all, so I absolutely didn't catch on to this.


Yeah, another clueless foreigner, here! Well spotted!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## BK23 (Apr 17, 2013)

Thanks, Gabriel. She's (if she is a she) is lying to us. Either about the specifics or about everything. You guys decide.


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

BK23 said:


> Thanks, Gabriel. She's (if she is a she) is lying to us. Either about the specifics or about everything. You guys decide.


Sounds like a man to me besides. But, hey, carry on. Don't let me stop you, OP.


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

Before you tell your H---YOU MUST PULL YOUR SON FROM THE COMPLETE FOOTBALL PROGRAM

If you have any hope of your H---sticking with you, you need to do some positive things---to show your H, you are serious

NC---is a main part of this---your son cannot be in that league WHATSOEVER---it brings the contact to the forefront---even if your son, was on a different team than your lover---the teams would eventually play each other, and there would be talk about how things are going with the different teams, and that brings contact

You may not like doing this---but it is part of what you have brought to your family----I am not gonna make any nasty remarks about what you have done----your sub--conscious is taking care of that, right now, I am gonna tell you what you have brought, which has killed your present mge.

You stated you are gonna tell your H, tomorrow---then your kid is out of that program, as of today---what you tell him as to why---is up to you---also make sure you do "out" yourself, as quickly as possible---cuz each day you let this go---you continue your A, in your H's eyes, thru lying by OMMISSION

Know that the physical acts with your lover, are gonna hurt your H, way less than what you have done to him, by looking him in the eyes every night when he came home, and you told him everything was all right----those are things that will hurt the most, the one person who had his back, who he trusted beyond, anything/anyone else, gave herself to another man----that is what you are gonna have to acknowledge, and try to find some accountability, for. You also need to know---his peace of mind will be gone, and his carefree life will be gone---stripped away in an instant----be prepared for a lifetime of tension/misery/huge lack of trust----these things will be there if you do get lucky and are given a 2nd chance---they are the aftermath of what you have created.

The sad thing here is that even tho you justified your cheating, by lying to yourself about how there had become distance---you did think one thing about what this was gonna do to your son-----he is now facing nuclear winter

You better have some answers ready for him---basically you should get down on your knees to your son, and apologize to him, for destroying his life-----in the long run his fallout may well be much worse than your H's, and as to you who even knows!!!!!!

One other thing you must do, whether you like it or not---you need to go to the board of directors of the football program, and demand they remove your lover as a coach----HE IS NEVER TO BE GIVEN ANOTHER CHANCE TO WRECK ANOTHER FAMILY, it is obvious he preys upon married woman, and in many cases, they WILL NOT TELL----he should not be allowed around married families ONE MORE DAY----when you talk to them, you tell them, they are to act immediately, or you will go to the newspaper, and you will go to the sources where they get their funding, and the sources that allow them, to use the field they play on---either the school district, or the city park commission

You have destroyed your own family---do not ALLOW ANY OTHER FAMILIES TO BE DESTROYED, BY THIS LOWLIFE SCUM


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## rrrbbbttt (Apr 6, 2011)

Elvis (the OP) has left the building.


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

rrrbbbttt said:


> Elvis (the OP) has left the building.


Late for football practice


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## Lovemytruck (Jul 3, 2012)

alte Dame said:


> This is it. You have no idea, first, because you've done it to him and not the other way around & second, because he is a man and will experience it differently.
> 
> If you're smart, you will pay very close attention to the men here. It is difficult for a woman to understand how important the sex aspect is to a man - what kind of sex, how often, etc. - as well as how important the cuckolding aspect is, i.e., you slept with the POS your H had words with.
> 
> Your actions have robbed your H of his self-respect as a man in a way that you don't understand. You need to start wrapping your mind around this. This is a very primal and deep betrayal.


alte Dame sees into the male mind as well as anyone that posts on TAM. This is EXACTLY the pont.

I am mortified to read how casual and thoughtless many of the WW are when it comes to lust and sex. Guess it might be that same way for women with cheating husbands.

Ever wonder why many men fear commitment? This has much to do with it.


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

she's around, she said in her 1st post, she would come here when she could---right now, she is probably in her own giant world of hurt.

One other thing she needs to know, and this is gonna be a major problem for her

She chose to go to a man, her H., made it very clear to her, he did not like

He didn't like the way he coached, and he stopped going to practice for that very reason----what does his wife do, she goes and spreads her legs for that man---she is gonna have a large problem with this, all by itself---cuz she CHOSE THAT OTHER MAN OVER HER OWN H----a man her H, wanted no part of.


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## Jeffery (Oct 8, 2012)

4. Her affair stems purely from her need for male validation and her willingness to do whatever it took to get it. My WxW was this way also and it is very difficult to change this deep seeded need. OP needs some intensive IC to work on this and even then, it won’t be easy.

I agree and feel that most Reconciliation is a myth


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## Dyokemm (Apr 24, 2013)

SoSorry,

I gathered from your original post already that the conflict never rose to a physical confrontation or even a screaming match.

My point is it doesn't have to to reach that level for your H to dislike this guy intensely. And you have already admitted that he does dislike him. And the feeling is mutual since this POS was probably offended that your H challenged his coaching.

There are people I absolutely hate that I have never even had any type of blowout argument with, much less a physical altercation. 

But I guarantee you, my gf and close friends know that I cannot stand these people and why from the conversations I've had with them in private.

If my gf were to then go cheat with one of them, I would consider this one of these worst acts of betrayal she could ever commit.

I doubt I could ever forgive her.


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

Dyokemm said:


> My point is it doesn't have to to reach that level for your H to dislike this guy intensely. And you have already admitted that he does dislike him. And the feeling is mutual since this *POS was probably offended that your H challenged his coaching*.


Don't forget this POS is the wannabe pro local high school star in this small town.


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## Dyokemm (Apr 24, 2013)

Acabado,

Yep...seen the type many times in my life.

So full of his own ego, he automatically assumes that he is the top alpha dog in any environment because of the praise he has received for his athletic accomplishments.

And assumes every other person also accepts or acknowledges this view of himself. Gives him an exaggerated sense of entitlement when it comes to interacting with other men's women.

And the OP, through her foolish behavior has helped feed this scumbag's self-image.

I hope her H breaks this guy in every way imaginable.


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## Healer (Jun 5, 2013)

So much carnage. I'd be concerned about a violent reaction from your H. Even if the altercation was no big deal, as you've indicated, it was an altercation. This is dangerous territory. I'd kind of like to see coach lose some teeth over it, honestly.

Also, it pains me when kids have to suffer for their parents thoughtless, cruel actions. Poor kid is going to be pulled away from something he loves because of your betrayal against his dad AND him, and won't know why. Brutal!


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## Ovid (Oct 11, 2012)

Write a complete timeline with absolutely everything you can remember. Use this to get your thoughts straight and to make sure you don't leave anything out.

Read up on the healing process your husband will be going through.

Go tell your husband what when who and how. Expect it to be very very bad. Answer any questions your husband has. He will ask the same questions over and over for a long time. Give complete truth. Say sorry often. Expect the worst and hope for the best.

You might want to take some time to look at your H first and build a memory of how he is now. When you break this news to him that man will be dead. For good or ill a new one will come up in his place.


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

jnj express said:


> she's around, she said in her 1st post, she would come here when she could---right now, she is probably in her own giant world of hurt.
> 
> One other thing she needs to know, and this is gonna be a major problem for her
> 
> ...



There's nothing like emasculating her own husband by getting a lover her husband dislikes.

Well, the other man, AJ, sure got his revenge on the husband.

I doubt this OM will keep the affair a secret. Given the history and what he has done, I doubt he'll keep this conquest a secret. 

What a mess!


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## LostViking (Mar 26, 2013)

Today is the last day of her happy, comfortable, safe family life. 

Tomorrow....the void.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## just got it 55 (Mar 2, 2013)

If the OP is somewhere in the south FL. TX. GA. Football is a close second to Jesus So there could be nearly year round Football Not sure


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## Jeffery (Oct 8, 2012)

the op is gone


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## dogman (Jul 24, 2012)

No matter how crazy the story, these things are always good for the ethics and morals debate that they seem to generate. Even if its only hypothetical, it's interesting....kinda.


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

just got it 55 said:


> If the OP is somewhere in the south FL. TX. GA. Football is a close second to Jesus So there could be nearly year round Football Not sure


LOL 

yeah, we love football. But hate having kids die from dehydration. It gets to 90 in mid-march in lots of places - not to mention humidity. 

Football is limited to fall for a reason - especially in Tx (Fla too probably)


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## just got it 55 (Mar 2, 2013)

walkonmars said:


> LOL
> 
> yeah, we love football. But hate having kids die from dehydration. It gets to 90 in mid-march in lots of places - not to mention humidity.
> 
> Football is limited to fall for a reason - especially in Tx (Fla too probably)


I always thought you guys in TX were bad MF's didn't think a little sun and snakes could stop a football game I see HS games with 25 K people down there:rofl:


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## Nucking Futs (Apr 8, 2013)

walkonmars said:


> LOL
> 
> yeah, we love football. But hate having kids die from dehydration. It gets to 90 in mid-march in lots of places - not to mention humidity.
> 
> Football is limited to fall for a reason - especially in Tx (Fla too probably)


It gets hot here in Florida too, but at least it's a moist heat. :smthumbup:

Seriously though, football is important here. My county peewee football league starts conditioning drills on July 15 and practice starts on August 5th, full pad practice a few days later. 

But the championship game is November 16th and the next thing on the schedule for the kids is July 15. So yeah, the dates don't add up.


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## Rookie4 (Nov 26, 2012)

We have been trolled, people. since her inconsistencies have been pointed out, the OP has vanished.


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## Dyokemm (Apr 24, 2013)

Well I certainly hope you are right Rookie.

This betrayal had me more p***ed off than any other in a LONG time and I've been reading here since last September.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

I truly hope so.

I'd much prefer to be trolled than have such stories be true.


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## BK23 (Apr 17, 2013)

Dyokemm said:


> Well I certainly hope you are right Rookie.
> 
> This betrayal had me more p***ed off than any other in a LONG time and I've been reading here since last September.


That was exactly the effect the poster intended! I think it's safe to be extra wary of a tale of woe that seems made to order to push all of your buttons.


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

SoSorryFL said:


> I have tried to put myself in his position, honestly. I don't know how I could've let things get to this point. I've tried to be a good wife and mother in the past, and *I just lost who I was through pure selfishness*. I know how much this is going to hurt him. I'd give anything to go back and change it, believe me.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Now you are being honest with yourself.

Keep going......


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## Healer (Jun 5, 2013)

Sigh. My heart hurts for the BH. I'm not particularly stoked for Father's Day this year either. But at least it's not my D-Day.

F*cking tragic.


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## Healer (Jun 5, 2013)

If that was a troll...what an odd thing to spend your time and mental energy doing.


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## LostViking (Mar 26, 2013)

I guess we just have to wait and find out....


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

Rookie4 said:


> We have been trolled, people. since her inconsistencies have been pointed out, the OP has vanished.


She hit every possible note in the WW's Greatest Hits with the exception of pregnancy.


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## HarryDoyle (Jan 19, 2013)

Healer said:


> If that was a troll...what an odd thing to spend your time and mental energy doing.


Hey a "troll" is not necessarily someone who is making something up. It could be she just didn't want to hear the advice we were giving giving her. Or maybe, in this case they were just too ashamed to continue. I know of one case on another board where the BS posted as the WS just hear the abuse that was thrown at "her". And maybe the BS found her post to this site and now it's all a mute point, who knows.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

Shaggy said:


> A very good post and point.
> 
> The OM has been providing leadership to the son, and acting as an authority figure to him, under the OPs approval and encouragement.
> 
> ...


Some men and women are too naive that this is the position they put their spouse into...


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

HarryDoyle said:


> Hey a "troll" is not necessarily someone who is making something up. It could be she just didn't want to hear the advice we were giving giving her. Or maybe, in this case they were just too ashamed to continue. I know of one case on another board where the BS posted as the WS just hear the abuse that was thrown at "her". And maybe the BS found her post to this site and now it's all a mute point, who knows.


Alot of trolls just want to "block", "anger" and "inflame". They will also return false information to cause trouble. They get a mental boost off of each action which is successful for them.


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## Biscuits (Aug 2, 2012)

ok, my 2 cents. be blunt, be honest. if he asks for details, make sure he wants to know and tell him.

my second thought would be...whos taking your son to football now so he can enjoy his youth with his friends.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

Maybe she thought AJ was A.J. McCarron.


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## mary35 (Jul 18, 2010)

Sometimes when people post on public forums they change the personal details to remain anonymous. What if she was real - looking for real help, but changed the name of the sport and other unimportant details? I don't understand the name calling and trying to catch someone attitude! Really - how does that help anyone?


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## realist (May 5, 2013)

Why would any sensible,loyal,self-respecting wife associate with the enemy of her husband in the first place?
*If this story is true*, then this was a calculated move aimed at hurting her husband.

Cheating is a choice and she chose to sleep with a man her husband cant stand.That wasnt an accident

I also think to most cheaters,cheating is pretty much pointless and unfulfilling if nobody finds out.This is where BFF's and message boards come in.They get to re-live the whole episode all over again.

I am sure these questions crossed your mind a couple times before sleeping with the coach."whats going to happen when my kids find out?when my husband finds out?when the whole town finds out"? and the fact you still went through with it tells me that you only care bout your self,your ego and all the attention you can get,positive or negative.

If you're so remorseful,how come you havent told your husband yet?

-Are you afraid of hurting him?do you think its going to hurt him less when he finds out from another source?

-Are you afraid he is going to leave you?how bout you let him make that choice?same choice you made when you opened your legs for the coach,not once but 4 times?
Since you find the coach so irresistible maybe you two can make a go at it after you get divorced

I would have left you a long time ago for being disloyal[before the cheating]
There's nothing worse than a disloyal woman.You're out in public giggling and flirting with my enemies?who does that?


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

mary35 said:


> Sometimes when people post on public forums they change the personal details to remain anonymous. What if she was real - looking for real help, but changed the name of the sport and other unimportant details? I don't understand the name calling and trying to catch someone attitude! Really - how does that help anyone?


It helps plenty. People can then spend their donated time helping real people with real problems who desperately need it, instead of partaking in somebody's sick game.


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## kenmoore14217 (Apr 8, 2010)

Late to the party but my Spidey Sense's are going nuts right now. Well written however. B+ I would guess.


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