# We both have the same drive - ZIP!



## paperbackslave (Jul 15, 2010)

Hubby and I are 42/40, respectively, and been married 15 years now, although we've been having sex since I was 13!  Yes, he was my first, and my first love. 

We had other relationships throughout our teens, but eventually ended up with each other, and married at 25. Happily Ever After, eh?? Ah well, maybe not.

When we were teenagers, we had sex like.....well, teenagers! When we had our premarriage romance, we were passionate. After marriage saw some of our best sex ever. As we grew older, we had sex less. We have not had sex in at least months, and the last time wasnt particularly satisfying for either of us, Id say. And it had been months before that.

We always seemed to have about the same drive. If either of us wanted it, we had it. There probably have only been a handful of refusals throughout our lives together. Not bad, huh? 

But now, neither of us really asks anymore. Have we gotten old and lazy? We just want to get to the good part anyways, so its just easier to do ourselves? Not that I'm a masturbate-aholic or anything. Shoot - maybe every couple weeks?

We never had kids, were always content with just each other. He is my absolute best friend. Niether of us is cheating (I know, because we are together practically 24/7)

But a sexless marriage? It just seems somehow....dysfunctional. Are we doomed? And I have no idea how to start things back up again. It just feels....wierd. When we have those 'Cialis' moments, its like nieither of us wants to go to the trouble of following through, and the moment passes, and we go back to the TV program, or making dinner, or whatever. I honestly dont want to *have* to have sex all the time.

Owell, this is long enough....thoughts?


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## Crypsys (Apr 22, 2010)

IMO there is nothing wrong if you both are happy paperback.


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## paperbackslave (Jul 15, 2010)

Crypsys said:


> IMO there is nothing wrong if you both are happy paperback.


Well, thats something I spose! I *think* he is happy. I am content, but I do think more intimacy could only be a good thing? Reaffirm our love and all that. Or maybe its a case of 'Be careful what you ask for'.


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## Crypsys (Apr 22, 2010)

paperbackslave said:


> I am content, but I do think more intimacy could only be a good thing? Reaffirm our love and all that. Or maybe its a case of 'Be careful what you ask for'.


I never think intimacy is a bad thing, no. But I'm just saying that different stroke for different folks is all. I know I couldn't live in a sexless marriage, but that's just me. I'm finding as I am getting older I am getting hornier, not the opposite. When I was in my late teens and 20's I was content with once a week or so. Now in my 30's I can go multiple times per day (although I'm still content with every 2 or 3 days). Our drives all fluctuate. As long as you and your spouses drive are fairly close, cest la vie!


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## paperbackslave (Jul 15, 2010)

Today I sent him a text ( I NEVER text) pic of mah boobies! :rofl:
Just trying to keep it interesting. I bet he fell over! :smthumbup:


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## 63Vino (Dec 23, 2009)

THAT's the ticket.... I was reading old to new and then saw "The Boobie Post"!!! 
SPICE it up... Explore new things. What (in some regard) makes sex SO exciting is that its never the same twice (or shouldnt be anyway) and new "things" or experiences keep it new and interesting. Do things or suggest things, you've never done before!
Very nnice and luck though how you managed to maintain NO big misalignment of drive over the years ....VERY lucky.


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

I think what I characterize this as is:

Really lucky.

I think I agree with Crysys. . .if you are both happy and content with a sexless marriage. . .then it's okay. . .but the danger I think lurks if one of you suddenly gets the drive and the other says, "WTF? I thought we were done that years ago."

It's also a bit of a danger also (and I am not trying to plant a seed of doubt) is that he (or you) may get it/be getting it somewhere else. I am not saying that is happening. . .you dont see any clues of that. . .but it could evolve into that, you know?

Finally, the last risk. . .there is something I think "hormonal" that happens when you have sex with both sexes. It's an act of bonding. Multiple studies show the release of "bonding hormones" in the male after sex. I think you run a small risk of losing that marital bond and then you kind of end up like the Al and Tipper Gore. . .everyone scratching their head why seemingly such a happy couple and a long married couple is divorcing at nearly 60 years old.


Those are the only risks I can think of.

Can you have a sexless marriage? Sure. But I think for the risks above, you both should make the "effort" anyway.

My 2 cents.


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## BorrowedHalo (Jul 6, 2010)

I find this absolutely fascinating! I say, I have no sex drive. I never really think about it, don't care, not interested. Accept that I _have_ to think about it, because my husband _is_ interested. 

So, many posters agree that there is something wrong with me. I must have hormonal problems or deep resentment (which I might, but that's beside the point right now.) If you look online, you will find a wealth of information that says that if you don't want sex, it's probably because you were sexually abused. 

And yet, you don't want sex and, because your H doesn't either, you are completely normal. I don't get it.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

I accually dont think anyone here is saying it is completely "Normal" to have no sex drive - what they ARE saying is - it is completely "harmless" in their particular marital situation. They make a good match, but pared with someone else, it would be a sinking ship of a marraige, leaving one partner frustrated all the time. 

My only advice to this poster is : You are still very young, It would be such a shame to loose the Romance - the Passion of sexual bonding. Oh I would climb mountains for that if I lost it. 
One thing you will never forget when you are both old & in rocking chairs is the Desire to get closer & spice things up ! 

Love the text you sent ! That is something new, something exciting, Dare to arouse every day. Have no regrets.


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## Crypsys (Apr 22, 2010)

SimplyAmorous said:


> I accually dont think anyone here is saying it is completely "Normal" to have no sex drive - what they ARE saying is - it is completely "harmless" in their particular marital situation. They make a good match, but pared with someone else, it would be a sinking ship of a marraige, leaving one partner frustrated all the time.


:iagree: What she said. :iagree:


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

No. . .I am not sure I was saying it was normal. . .I think human beings are sexual mammals and they mate year round so the fact you have 2 human mammals not mating. . .well, it's just lucky for their situation because as SA said, "It would be sinking ship in deep trouble calling May Day!" if they were paired with anyone else. They seem happy and functional. . .the only thing I worry about. . .is they seem "sterile" and I think that's what the OP is trying to say (if I may presume).

Yes, there are some normal differences in males and females with mating. For one, I think it's totally normal for a female to not always be into it.

They did studies with close cousins of humans. . .rats. . .when the female and male were mating they distracted them with food. . .the male was not as easily distracted as the female.

Apparently with women. . .sex or Godiva chocolate is a toss-up. I've come to accept that (that it sucks that I will always want it more than my partner, lol). That and I bring Godiva chocolate when I am ready to mate, lol. Or at least a cheap Hershey bar.

I would predicate my advice with perhaps don't worry about having sex too much more. . .even if it's 1x/month and you go to a hotel (or cheap motel if you prefer, lol!) and really make love (or f**k at the cheap motel), it will prevent the sterilization of your marriage.


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## paperbackslave (Jul 15, 2010)

Some very good points here! And really rather nice to see it through others eyes. Thank you.

SA - I agree. If we are only 40 and our sex life is dying a slow death, what will it be like for the next 10/20/30 years?? :sleeping:

I have wondered if the fact that we never had kids may have contributed to our current situation. Seems like many couples have to struggle through the child rearing years, then eventually end up like us - only 20 years later. We are 20 years early, and now behave like 60 year olds?? Does that make any sense? No offense to those older folks who still go at it like bunnies! :smthumbup:

I do think we are both probably too comfortable with the status quo....its *easy*, you know? And as they say, if you dont use it, you lose it.

The text was a hit, btw  He asked me (and my boobies) out to lunch.

Halo, I hope things improve for you


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

Good for you. . .nothing like a nice pair of boobies to go with a reuben.


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## Crypsys (Apr 22, 2010)

Scannerguard said:


> Good for you. . .nothing like a nice pair of boobies to go with a reuben.


Gah, you are such a barbarian. Any well mannered male knows boobies ONLY go with a Club Sandwich. A Reuben ONLY goes with another part of the female anatomy (turn your head sideways and look at the picture).


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

> Gah, you are such a barbarian


Don't you know it!

Me Caveman.

Me need Cavewoman!


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

interestingly enough, it sounds like you would actually like to start the sex up again or i dont think you would be on here asking about it. you say you have no drive but i think you actually do or it wouldnt be on your mind at all. 
if i am off base and you are married to someone with a matched sex drive, whether it be none or full speed, enjoy it.


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

My other suggestion is for the both of you to get a job in healthcare as a practicioner of some sort (RN, EKG tech, rad tech).

I have noticed that healthcare workers are driven by 2 things - food and sex.

Go to work in any hospital and look at all the food laying around and all the workers sleeping with each other. It's a regular Peyton place.

Both of your libidos would be up in no time.

Unless you work in Administration. . .


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