# Younger man, Older women



## Singledude21 (Feb 21, 2013)

So basically a flip of the other thread, since a lot of you guys are old enough to be my parents, what would you say about your son dating older women? Preferably around 35-40?

I don't necessarily go looking for older women, but during daily life out and about, you happen to meet people from time to time. I've noticed that I'm kind of a magnet to older women, especially single older women with no kids. But I never plan on anything serious, just casual dating.

For me personally, I don't really mind, but my mother absolutely can't stand the idea of it and openly lets me know. A running theme of hers is that she refuses to meet someone I'm dating that's almost her age. Was kinda a mama's boy so bringing in girls for her to meet already makes her nervous . If I brought someone in only 5-10 years younger than her, she'd flip. My dad doesn't really mind, but tries to support mom and all.

So what would your advice be? For some background, just your typical 23 year old guy doing school and work.


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## margi (Aug 27, 2013)

As a wife of a 5 year younger guy, i strongly reccommend you to solve your mommy issues. Since you don't want something serious you don't need your mother to know your girlfriends. Don't get me wrong, i'm happy with my husband, but that was too hard. My husband loves his mother way too much, and that's really annoying for me. She's unstable in every aspect of her life and lives with us since last April. I think that wears my husband too.
Anyways, if you're not serious, that'll be just fun, she doesn't need to know. If you want any further, than this will be very hard for you, because i experienced it first hand. Oddly enough my parents were the ones disagreed with our marriage.I didn't even imagined such a thing like that before too, but life happens, you never know.


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## Sun Catcher (Dec 6, 2013)

Despite what I think of dating too far out of ones age range, and hope I don't sound too old fashioned but.....

Why is mamma meeting your dates? :scratchhead:

I hated when my boys brought home girls on a carousel. I always told them not to bring dates home until they are sure she was the one and to treat all women well. I would say "think, she could be YOUR sister" to which my boys would groan and they don't even have a sister.  I mostly liked all the girls they brought and I get along well with people, so was always a little sad when they broke up. 

So just don't bring home every woman for mamma to meet and that could help with your problem for now. Then you can work on the issue of what attracts you to women who are old enough to be your mother.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

When I was young, high school years, I always wanted an older woman, in her 30's. Now that I'm 40, I like the younger ladies, in their 20's.

Some ladies like a younger man because it makes them feel young again and they have the energy and sex drive of a younger woman.

It's all fun but would you want to marry someone young enough to be your son?

Major generation gap, and nothing in common besides sex, right?


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## Singledude21 (Feb 21, 2013)

Sun Catcher said:


> Why is mamma meeting your dates? :scratchhead:


Just the events that pretty much require family gatherings lol. You know the usual, like birthdays, holidays etc.


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## Singledude21 (Feb 21, 2013)

CuddleBug said:


> Major generation gap, and nothing in common besides sex, right?


Pretty much, other than sometimes being into the same music. Just to be clear, I've only done this once. Most of the time its girls my age, but I've been interested in trying it more often.


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## kitty2013 (Dec 6, 2013)

Singledude21 said:


> Pretty much, other than sometimes being into the same music. Just to be clear, I've only done this once. Most of the time its girls my age, but I've been interested in trying it more often.


It is fine to date, but you should think carefully before you marry someone as old as your mother.


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## roostr (Oct 20, 2012)

I understand the thrill of it believe me, but my son is your age and if he was dating women that much older than him I would try to get through to him with the fact that in 15 years, when he is in his mid 30s and she is in her 50s, he might be kicking himself in the ass as they would seem like the odd couple. There will eventually be incompatibility issues. Just saying, with so many girls around in your age group why go for someone with that much age difference? Same goes for young girls/older guy thing, it catches up with you.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Well at 23, you are an adult now so you can date whoever you want.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

roostr said:


> I would try to get through to him with the fact that in 15 years, when he is in his mid 30s and she is in her 50s, he might be kicking himself in the ass as they would seem like the odd couple.


Would you think the same if it were your daughter.. in her mid 30s dating a dude in his 50s? Just curious.


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## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> Would you think the same if it were your daughter.. in her mid 30s dating a dude in his 50s? Just curious.


I don't think that is quite what he said. I read it to be making sure that a son at 23 understood how things can change in 15 years. I would say the same thing to a daughter at that age. By the time they are in their mid-30s, I would have a lot more confidence in their understanding of things (though I would likely still quietly make sure that they understood things).

I don't have any issue if my son or daughter did this, but I would caution them to think through it carefully. Lot's of issues here that are far less likely to occur in a relationship where the two are close in age. Things like children, activities, career trajectories and sex are a few that need to be thought through and discussed.


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## Omego (Apr 17, 2013)

I would be really irritated. Sorry! I agree with your mother.....

This doesn't mean you cannot make your own decisions. It's your life not hers!


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## roostr (Oct 20, 2012)

Jellybeans said:


> Would you think the same if it were your daughter.. in her mid 30s dating a dude in his 50s? Just curious.


Yes, I wouldn't like it at all. I just think its too much of an age difference.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

roostr said:


> Yes, I wouldn't like it at all. I just think its too much of an age difference.


Yeah, sorry. I read your last sentence after I posted that. LOL.


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## Thebes (Apr 10, 2013)

I think it looks weird to see someone dating someone old enough to be their parent no matter if it the woman or man that is older. Maybe they still look good in their early 40's but there's a big difference in what someone looks like at 45 and 55 or even 50 for that matter. Also if you want children even if the woman is the younger one older men are far more likely to produce children with birth defects than younger men.

5 or 10 years isn't a big deal to me though.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

roostr said:


> I understand the thrill of it believe me, but my son is your age and if he was dating women that much older than him I would try to get through to him with the fact that in 15 years, when he is in his mid 30s and she is in her 50s, he might be kicking himself in the ass as they would seem like the odd couple. There will eventually be incompatibility issues. Just saying, with so many girls around in your age group why go for someone with that much age difference? Same goes for young girls/older guy thing, it catches up with you.


If it were my daughter in her mid thirties, and she is stable and secure and she is dating and getting along with a loving man who is in his 50's who represents good opportunity for herself and makes her feel good, I wouldn't have a single problem at all.

I mean they were doing this many thousands of years ago, and as long as gender roles are followed and people respect the relationship there isn't going to be a problem.


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## Kylie84 (May 4, 2012)

Aussie actor (and super hunk) Hugh Jackman is married to a lovely woman who is 13 years older than him. They have been happily married since 1996. I once dated a guy who was almost 6 years younger than me, for three whole years. We had a great relationship but I am convinced it only worked while it did because I was a bit immature for my age. As soon as I started talking about real future plans and started growing up a bit, it was all over. We were young though, and I think it can work better if the age gap was further along like someone in their 30's dating someone 10+years older. It makes a huge difference if both parties are mature and know what they want out of life and share the same goals and dreams. If that's the case, go for it


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## Sandfly (Dec 8, 2013)

Singledude21 said:


> So basically a flip of the other thread, since a lot of you guys are old enough to be my parents, what would you say about your son dating older women? Preferably around 35-40?
> 
> So what would your advice be? For some background, just your typical 23 year old guy doing school and work.


Go for it,

just don't be surprised to find out they're not really single, but "separated",

That they won't want to use protection - beware they may be looking to get a baby out of you

They claim to be 'up for fun' but will all eventually tell you they 'love you'... at this point, reciprocating would be a mistake - it's infatuation.

Overall with the three items above, and the stupid current focus among females of kudos at being able to say they are 'cougars' they will do their best to appear easy-going and fun-loving...

But keep a little reserve behind your flirting, because this is all a front on their part...

They want your soul !


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## LoveBeingFemale (Nov 5, 2012)

You are 23, and I'm way old enough to be your mother. I have two sons, and I certainly would not want them to be "bringing home" older women. In about 5-10 years, you will, more than likely, start to think about getting married. My best guess is that you will want children. Dating older women at this stage in your life may be a just a fad, but eventually, whether one likes it or not, biology is going to take over. If you get married, you are going to want to be married to someone you can have a family with. It can become much more difficult for the woman to conceive when older, energy levels will drop, higher rates of miscarriage, and higher rates of birth defects. I'm sure there will be people out there who disagree with what I'm saying because the woman will be married to a younger man, etc., and we could agree to disagree all day on the subject matter. But do yourself a favor and look at the statistics. If you are looking to eventually get married and have children, consider your dating older women as a fad and nothing more.


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## Gomerpyle (Dec 27, 2013)

treyvion said:


> who represents good opportunity for herself


This is precisely the hypocrisy I was referring to in the other thread. It isn't a term of anger - it is just the exact definition, and pointed out in good cheer. 

If "good opportunity" is freedom from third world repressive/corrupt government, crime, disease, abject poverty, etc. then you just assume it is a bad thing and can't work out. 

For ourselves, it is an entitlement.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

On one hand, an older woman would be more likely to have traditional skills and values that would make a good wife or partner. On the other hand, one that would be interested in a typical 23 year old male would have serious judgement issues.


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## Singledude21 (Feb 21, 2013)

unbelievable said:


> On one hand, an older woman would be more likely to have traditional skills and values that would make a good wife or partner.


One of the thing that attracts me. A lot of the girls my age seem to be full of BS, and want to explore and all that. I don't mind exploring if thats their thing, but I just don't like the concept of deciding to get serious with someone, then at the last minute they decide they aren't ready to settle. So it's why I tend to keep the strings from attaching from the beginning.

Compared to a women who's older and has been through that wild and young phase. When she says she's ready to settle, she means it. Now a 20+ year old women is definitely a stretch and I understand that. But a 30 year old women who catches my attention, can't say I'd have a easy time saying no.

I'm a pretty humorous guy, so that tend to work with women of all ages, but it seems to be enough for the older women. The ones my age seem to want more than just humor, like a criminal record too :scratchhead:


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## sammy3 (Jun 5, 2011)

Thebes said:


> Maybe they still look good in their early 40's but there's a big difference in what someone looks like at 45 and 55 or even 50 for that matter. .


Yeah, sometimes they look a whole lot better! :smthumbup: 

George Clooney comes to mind, of course, he's not average Joe


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Imagine you're a 40 year old, reasonably intelligent, squared away, successful woman. Career is on track, she manages her money well, she has mature thoughts, mature goals, mature dreams. What in the hell would she want with a kid (beyond a decent roll in the hay)? Women generally desire security and there is no security in 99% of 23 year old "men" these days.


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## meson (May 19, 2011)

Age difference of that sort doesn't really matter except at two points in life. It matters when you are young and haven't matured or figured out life. After maturity it doesn't really matter until you get very old so that one of you is declining more than than the other. 

My parents are eight years different but at 82 it is a big difference even though it wasn't at any other time in their marriage. My mom is still ready to live and do things but my dad isn't and it causes a strain. 

What happens when the woman in her forties now whom wants an active person gets old and withdraws while you still want excitement and to live?

One of my climbing partners who is in the low fifties dates people in the 25-40 range mostly because they are living life and adventurous at that age which matches her current adventure spirit. But I think what would it be like in 30 years when she is in her eighties and he is in his fifties or sixties would they still be compatible? I doubt it. She is probably just a cougar out to have fun and is not dating to find a life partner. The problem is that not all the people she dates feel the same way.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

If you were born after 1980, you were born into a world that would have been completely alien to anyone born in any other decade before you. The values of people born in the 1930s and 1950s wouldn't have been very different. Those relationships can tolerate a lot of age difference. I believe most relationships fail due to character and values differences and not health issues or appearance issues.


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## GinnyTonia (Jul 31, 2012)

I'm 35 and I have yet to be truly attracted to someone a decade younger. I don't mind when they approach me while out, and some are definitely good-looking, but they seem to lack a certain confidence and calmness that is appealing, for the most part. 
Contrarily, I adore silliness and pervy humor, so even though I am extremely attracted to men who really know who they are, have life experience and can be a capable head of household, it's hard to find that perfect immature/mature combination. 

As a positive example of a May/December romance, I think of my gf who was 31 when she married a 22 yo. He not only had a career going and was responsible, but he had a very strong personality that I think a woman his own age wouldn't have been able to handle. They've been happily married for almost twenty years! 

Just some singlegirl35 perspective for ya.


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## melw74 (Dec 12, 2013)

Well my husband is 22 years older than me.

I always say age is just a number, and age does not know what love is either..... Love is love, and if you love someone then age should not come into it.

I have 3 teenage sons. The oldest one being 18, and if he told me he was dating an older woman, I would want to him to give me some information about her.

I would also probably want to know why she is interested in my son, and i would want to meet her and see what she was like..... At the end of the day hes an adult, but I would not want him to be with somebody who just wanted to tie him down.....


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

Gomerpyle said:


> This is precisely the hypocrisy I was referring to in the other thread. It isn't a term of anger - it is just the exact definition, and pointed out in good cheer.
> 
> If "good opportunity" is freedom from third world repressive/corrupt government, crime, disease, abject poverty, etc. then you just assume it is a bad thing and can't work out.
> 
> For ourselves, it is an entitlement.


Nope. I was saying experience is underrated. The persons experience may be benefitial for the less experienced relationship partner.


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## rumple9 (Jan 13, 2012)

I always took the view that age was a number, and I've always been attracted to older women. I'm 43 and met a lady last year who is 50, so a 7 year age gap. 

She was very young in her outlook (I often described her as acting like a teenager) always wants to go our clubbing and happy to stay out til 3am drinking etc and having fun. She looked much younger than her age (when made up), but in a morning she showed her age with jowls and liver spots which aren't normally noticeable with makeup !

However my problem was that I really liked her and didn't feel I could commit because I kept thinking in 10 years time she would be 60. I also felt a bit embarrassed about telling people my gf was 50 especially since I also look a lot younger than my age.

My 2 cents anyway


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

Singledude21 said:


> Pretty much, other than sometimes being into the same music. Just to be clear, I've only done this once. Most of the time its girls my age, but I've been interested in trying it more often.


Translation: Older women are easier. And I love your demographic: single women with no kids.

So we both know what the two of you want out of the relationship...and so does your mom.

Your MOM wants you to be with someone a) compatible with you (not her peers) b) someone who you have to actually form a RELATIONSHIP with, not just booty calls, and c) can and WILL have children with you. This does NOT sound like your target demographic.

She fears the cougar...and not without validity. I apologize to anyone in these age gap relationships, but the success stories are generally the minority.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

rumple9 said:


> I always took the view that age was a number, and I've always been attracted to older women. I'm 43 and met a lady last year who is 50, so a 7 year age gap.
> 
> She was very young in her outlook (I often described her as acting like a teenager) always wants to go our clubbing and happy to stay out til 3am drinking etc and having fun. She looked much younger than her age (when made up), but in a morning she showed her age with jowls and liver spots which aren't normally noticeable with makeup !
> 
> ...


Why did her age come up? I couldn't imagine her age having to come up, unless she wasn't taking care of herself and looked REALLY aged. You said she looked young for her age. 

7 years age gap is not that big of a deal especially if the older one is at a very good level of physical conditioning and health.


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## not recognizable (Mar 19, 2011)

" they have the energy and sex drive of a younger woman."

Actually, most women's sex drive absolutely skyrockets in their 40's, similar to an 18 year old man, so sexually, it's a match made in heaven.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

not recognizable said:


> Actually, most women's sex drive absolutely skyrockets in their 40's


Oh goodie! I can't wait til my 40s. :smthumbup:


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## not recognizable (Mar 19, 2011)

:circle:

It's nice to have at least one thing to look forward to with age!
And I do mean skyrocket.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Hey singledude. I agreed with one of your posts and also jcd.

I was 20 when I met my wife and I felt like you that the gals my age were not up to par.

We have been with each other for over 22 years and it was a great decision for me and her.

I also agree with jcd that our situation is the exception, not the rule.

So just be open minded and cautious.
It can work, but it is rare.

My wife is 11 years my senior.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

ConanHub said:


> Hey singledude. I agreed with one of your posts and also jcd.
> 
> I was 20 when I met my wife and I felt like you that the gals my age were not up to par.
> 
> ...


Your her baby! Denzel Washington wife is 7 years older than him.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

treyvion said:


> Your her baby! Denzel Washington wife is 7 years older than him.


LOL!!!
Mrs. Conan often jokes about robbing the cradle!:smthumbup:

My wife just kicks ass though. I will have to check out Denzel wife.

Maybe her and Mrs. Conan have things in common.

She thinks Denzel is hot, but I think he is pretty awesome too!


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

ConanHub said:


> LOL!!!
> Mrs. Conan often jokes about robbing the cradle!:smthumbup:
> 
> My wife just kicks ass though. I will have to check out Denzel wife.
> ...


Denzel's wife of 29 years is a very attractive and intelligent lady, me thinks some of that rubbed off on him in a good way. She says she is his "rock" and allows Denzel to "fly".


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## TheFlood117 (Mar 24, 2013)

One of my only real "exclusivish" relationships when I was younger 22-23 then a little bit when I was 25 was with an older (she was 34 when I was 23 , so 11 years) woman. It was amazing. But the circumstances were not ideal. The biggest, being she was married. But it was pretty awesome none the less. I say go for it. You will learn a lot, I'll say. Just try to get a single one, lol. 

Don't worry about what your mom and dad think. You're an adult now. Live your life. If they love you, they will accept it. If they don't, then they don't. You're very young, at 23 your are just beginning to hit your prime as a sexual being, really I'd kill to be 23 again. You're young. The world is your oyster. Go for it.


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