# new here, need help before filing



## cemented2015 (Sep 4, 2020)

ive lurked for a bit...but need some help. W cheated on me 3 times over past 7 years...yes I know, stupid. I am meeting with attorney next week and intend to have her file....but i need some help how do i keep myself financially protected from her? she can still go pile on debt on her credit cards even if on her name only but i will still be liable for 50% of it anyways......so what can i do NOW.....
I am also worried about her having some huge irrational reaction, she has done this before, in front of kids, dont matter....am worried she will be even worse when filed, thou am planning to have her be filed at work....how can i protect myself and the kids from some crazyness of her?
please help....the cheating and all that is irrelevant now, am ending this for good so am moving on.....


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

Your lawyer would be best to advice you on how to financially protect yourself. Assets can be freeze. Get a VAR, and carry it with you at all times that she's on your proximity. Do not engage her about anything, other than children matters (via Tex preferably), do not let her goat you into arguments. detach, do the 180 and do not deviate from it. For divorce matters don't engage her at all, tell her that anything related to the divorce she most contact your lawyer. Good luck. You'll get more advice in this forum.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

I am most concerned about your children. How old are they are if old enough do they know what is happening? Or will what you are going to do be a total shock for them? Has your wife any idea of what you are doing?


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## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

If you are on ANY credit cards with her - close them now!

at the time of filing - print out balances on all cards - do not put any charges on those. You should be able to state that ALL charges made were hers only.

keep a paper trail of everything owing and everything you pay - it helps.


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## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

It's hard to believe your WIFE having the huge irrational reaction when she was the one who cheated 3 times? Is she expecting this? If you believe she's going to feel like she's been ambushed, then that's good, make it a really EXCELLENT ambush. Do not file until your attorney tells you to file. Find out what you need to do to protect your assets ahead of time. That could mean filing fast, or it could mean getting a lot of things done first.

Is the ball in your court? You've put up with this for a long time, so you're patient enough to deal with it for a while longer if need be? If it takes time to do it right, then take the time. But first step will be talking with a lawyer. You could also talk with your tax guy, if you have one, but I don't think the tax guy isn't under a legal obligation to protect you (from your wife) like your lawyer. OK, this actually could be an issue for some? If you were talking with a tax guy, who handles your family taxes, what happens if your wife calls and asks about this or that? What happens if the tax guy lies? Or what happens if he feels he or she has to tell the truth?

If a tax guy is reading this, maybe chime in?


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

If you want a divorce and why would you want her to file. She can set the pace if you dont file yourself. File yourself due to adultry if able to in your state.


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## Dadto2 (Aug 11, 2020)

Lawyer should work up a separation agreement immediately, which gives an official date of separation...and you would not be legally liable for her debts occured after that date (and vice versa). If you have a savings account together, I would take 50% (no more) and put it into your sole account since that's where she could wipe you out.


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## 20yr (Apr 19, 2019)

In most states, when you file for divorce and give her notice that freezes the assets and debt so that anything outside of normal spending pattern in the marrage would be held against her share going forward. Until then, she has full acess to joint accounts so it is important not to give her a hint that you are planning to file if that is a concern. I would have your attorney file ASAP.

If you plan to record interactions with a VAR, check with your attorney about state rules. Some states require consent of all parties being recorded so you might not be able to use it unless you inform her that she is being recorded. Can you plan to have an ally around on day she is served - maybe a parent or sibling?


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