# Do I have a change to get her back?



## rafael_josem (Dec 2, 2007)

Hi, Here's the thing(It's a long story):

Me and my ex gf had 6 years of relationship. We broke up like 2 weeks ago. Everything started 1 month ago when I (kinda had a hunch) sneaked through her email and found some messages from her and a guy. She was telling things like:

I never knew someone like you. I'd like to marry you, be the mother of you kids, etc. 

So did he.

It really pissed me off, and she overstepped the line. When I asked her she told me it was a joke and she didnt mean anything. I didnt believe her at first, but I decided to forgive her.

We started to have trust problems. I was asking too much questions and I know it was unconfortable for her. There was lack of confidence.

Like 1 week later we had a chance to see each other (we could only argue by phone cause weather problems and we couldnt go out, also because work and college), so we had a long talk.

I asked her again why she did it. She told me she didnt know why, but she didnt mean anything. She said that she liked to write like that.

I kind understand her, cause 3 years ago, when we were in high school, we used to be very romantic, we used to write piece of papers to each other, expressing our feelings, I used to give her surprises, like a flower, etc.

I also asked her if she felt something for him and she denied it (I was expecting that answer anyway), she told me that she wasnt even attracted to this guy.

That day I could see she was telling me the truth. I know when she lies to me. 

Anyway, like 2 weeks later I broke up with her because of the trust. I felt she wasnt helping at all. After 2 days I told her to go back and try to work it out, but together this time. I told her that I felt she wasn't helping to put our trust back.

She told me that she didnt want cause she wasnt feeling the same. When I went to see her the next day, to have a talk, I asked her if she was still in love with me. She answer me she didnt know.

(Don't fall sleep please!)

It really broke my heart.

I asked her how she could fallen out of love with me that fast. She told me that she was feeling confused long time ago (maybe 5-6 months). That she was feeling that our relationship was falling in a routine.

After having a chat with her grandma and her sister, they told me that time ago she told them that she thought I didnt love her like before, that she felt like I was getting away from her (college and work made me change).

For the second time, my heart broke again. I never knew she was feeling like that. She never told me. I never saw it, cause she always treated me with so much love and affection.

1 Week later I went to her house and we talked again. I apologyzed with her because of my actitute. After asking her if she really didnt love me anymore, she told me: "the problem is that what I did was very wrong and I know that before i wouldnt have done such a thing. I cant even look at you with the same eyes after that. That's why i dont know if im still in love with you, before I was sure, now i dont know".

That day her eyes were telling me: "There's a part of me that still loves you, who wants to be with you. But there's another part of me that doesnt and I dont know why." (as you might see, I really know her).

(It's almost done, dont worry!)

That day she told me that she hopes that we get together again in the future. That she wants to take some time. To take a breath. And the famous sentence: Have some space.

I left her alone and a couple of days later I called to her Cel to say hi. After I said goodbye she said: I LOVE YOU! and because of the tone of her voice I know she was smiling.

I havent call her since that day. But It got me thinking that she might still be in love with me. 

After our breakup Im trying to change some things on me. Things that she didnt like(the same things i didnt know that were affecting our relationship), cause I still have the hope to get her back, and if I do I want her to see that I can change, for her.

uff, that was long!

What do you guys think? Is there still a chance? What else can i do?


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## Tag (Dec 1, 2007)

Hmm, I still think there's a chance. Her last words were "I love you", so that has to mean something after 6 yrs. Give her some space & time & see if she wants to get back with you after a while. Seems like she might.


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

Look you both were wrong you violated her trust, she cheated per se. You both need to work on communication issues too. Finally you have to remember that everyday sould be special. If she is use to the notes flowers etc keep it up everyday for the rest of your life because she will always be happy.

draconis


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## SageMother (Jun 28, 2007)

If she was your girlfriend for 6 years and not your fiance or your wife, then she was at liberty to form other relationships. If you had expected a commitment from her then you should have married her.

She didn't cheat if there was no marriage.


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## evenow (Oct 15, 2007)

SageMother said:


> If she was your girlfriend for 6 years and not your fiance or your wife, then she was at liberty to form other relationships. If you had expected a commitment from her then you should have married her.
> 
> She didn't cheat if there was no marriage.


:scratchhead:

I don't quite agree. There was a relationship where two people expected a monogamous commitment and one person breached this commitment. It doesn't have to be in writing or signed by a judge to be an agreement.

Unfortunately it sounds like your girlfriend really likes attention. When you went off to school instead of approaching you about your relationship she went elsewhere. I'm not sure how much stock I would put into her "I love you". I would re-read her emails to the guy and remember that she said those words meant nothing. 

If you want her, continue to make an effort. Just make sure the things you change about yourself aren't things that you like. Resentment can really grow from that and poison the relationship. Maybe you two should start fresh and see if you have changed any naturally and if you still like each other.


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

SageMother said:


> If she was your girlfriend for 6 years and not your fiance or your wife, then she was at liberty to form other relationships. If you had expected a commitment from her then you should have married her.
> 
> She didn't cheat if there was no marriage.


SOme couples have children, raise a family, have a commitment, and stay monogamist through out. Marriage to many people is a piece of paper saying the state reconizes the commitment.

If I had a passanger in my car and we were in a wreck I would be responcible for them even if we didn't have a written contract.

After 6 years I would expect her to be faithful to the relationship. 

draconis


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## tater03 (Jun 29, 2007)

I feel that what she did was wrong but I think what you guys are doing by staying apart for a few is a good idea. Sometimes breathing room for both people can shed new light on the way you look at things. Good luck to you both and keep us posted as to what happens.


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## rafael_josem (Dec 2, 2007)

Hi, this is what happened on sunday. I went to her house (she didnt know I was coming, I kind of surprised her) to say hi to her and her family, since I get along very well with them.

I was just going to stay like 15 or 20 minutes and then leave. She told me to stay little longer, so I stayed like 4-5 hours there.

When she openned me he door she gave me a big hug (I wasnt expecting it) and 2 kisses, one in my chin and another in my neck.

Anyway, that day she treated me like If I were her boyfriend (there was a moment that we were alone and we kissed). She was very kind and sweet with me. She even told me that she feels in her heart that we haven´t broken up. She told me that she loves me and that I drive her crazy and that she has missed me all these days.

I asked her if she thinks we still have a chance in a future. She told me she doesn't know and that she wants to wait a time and see. I agree, cause if we get back I´d like to be a different man (she even noticed some tiny changes I´ve made :smthumbup, I mean, i think It wont work out If im the same man.

Anyway, yesterday she called me a couple of times. In one of these calls she told me that she'd like to talk with me next sunday, since she has lots of things to tell me. 

She also told me yesterday that I can call her everyday, but I don't know If I should (I haven't called yet), cause I want her to miss me, but I dont want her to think that I dont want her back. ¿What should I do?

What do you guys think?

Thanks!


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

A call every 2 days or so isn't over the top. CHatting online everyday is even better. COngrats at being closer to what you want and commiting to the relationship even more.

draconis


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## Explizite (Dec 12, 2007)

The first thing you have to do is engagement. If you expect commitment you have to be married or at least engaged. If she's just your girlfriend, she can change her mind really easily and find herself another one. So be careful.


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

Explizite said:


> The first thing you have to do is engagement. If you expect commitment you have to be married or at least engaged. If she's just your girlfriend, she can change her mind really easily and find herself another one. So be careful.


I find that engagement isn't always the answer. But it does prove a deeper commitment to moving forward as long as it isn't hallow.

draconis


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## deb4953 (Dec 28, 2007)

I don't think engagement would solve the problems. Get the problems worked out first.


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## Mumofthree (Dec 26, 2007)

It sounds like you have a chance. 
Maybe you were both taking each other for granted. 
Coming from a women's perspective, we need to feel loved and wanted all the time, her looking for assurance from someone else tells me you had lost some communication. 
Try putting some romance back in and showing her how much you really care, actions speak louder than words!
At least it sounds to me like she does still love you, so you might have some work to do, you will find a way to win her back if thats really what you want...


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## berlinlife06 (Dec 26, 2007)

I think you might have a chance... besides, you two sound very young... life has many things to offer! Don´t be tied up with something or someone that might not be "the one" just because you want to!


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## debrajean (Dec 27, 2007)

And really space apart from one another may be exactly what's needed. To put things into perspective, to realize that you should expect and receive more from a relationship.


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