# Hubby acting weird...mid life crisis or what??



## hope01 (Sep 8, 2008)

The past few months, my H have seen his younger brother prepare for his upcoming wedding... ofcourse, a bachelor party was in the talks.... he went, after of which I started to slowly notice that when my brother in law not was parties at home and we go.... ny H starts acting somewhat weird and aloof! 

At first I really didnt notice it, until I started seeing him act different when he is around my brothers friends... it was as if he was trying to act young and cool.... we would be at these parties and he would spend all his time schmoozing with all of his brother's friends! 

Which led me to believe that their weekend fun for the bachelor party got to my husband and maybe feels like he is missing out? We married young, at 25. And I suppose, all along I felt he was regreting the family life because he missed this part of it... the partying and such... But now, it seems rather ridiculous because he is with people 6-8 years younger who are mostly single and truly have a different lifestyle than himself!

I dont even know if I should call it mid life crisis when he is only 36! I just dont know what to think or do... I confronted him about it once and he thought I was ridiculous to think that he wanted to just " hang out " with these young kids!

But I tell you.... if you sat back and observed him in these gfet togethers, which I did, you will see that his whole dimeanor changes! He becomes more confident looking, as if he was alone at the functions! And what gets me mad is when I coem and stand by me, he acts stiff as if he does not know me or I am cramping his style! I dont get it!

It's as if he is trying to impress the people there, who all know he is married, anyway! I'm not sure... but I think going to that bachelor party , made him a little nutty in the brain! 

Anyway he did the same at the brothers actual wedding party, and I confronted him..instead he got very angry and we went home early..soon after he was so angry that I ruined the night and that there were no other parties after this wedding since it is his youngest sibling.... 

I was apalled he was more worried about parties!!! We went to that wwedding and he did the same thing! Roamed about ALONE, and didn't even bother to look for me or his kids! He said it was because he was a groomsmen, and he had this responsibility to meet people.... WHAAAAT???!! I never heard of that ! He was just acting crazy that just because all the other groomsmen were single and laughing about in their little area, he felt he had to act the same! How immature is that!

I am so angry, but at this point he is not seeing these actions at all... Do I dismiss it...or what? But now he is making all sorts of excuses to visit his brother at his house knowing all his friends come there and basically hang out there like its a frat house.... these are also immature people in their late 20's who should be done "hanging out"..... 

It's not a good sign...


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## martino (May 12, 2008)

I don't know...different situation here but give my wife a couple drinks and some old friends and she thinks it's the 80's again! when we go to receptions or whatever, we tag team one half hour each handing off our kid to each other so we each get time to socialize uninhibitedly. Maybe you should make him do that?


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## Honey (Sep 2, 2008)

The party and seeing a bimbo made him have







Your husband needs to grow up. It is ok to talk to those younger people, but he should act is age, and not like a teen that just has to party or their world isn't right. You may want to keep an eye out on him, hun. Next it might be trash talk shows and/or porn sites.


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## Honey (Sep 2, 2008)

martino said:


> I don't know...different situation here but give my wife a couple drinks and some old friends and she thinks it's the 80's again! when we go to receptions or whatever, we tag team one half hour each handing off our kid to each other so we each get time to socialize uninhibitedly. Maybe you should make him do that?


give my wife a couple drinks and some old friends and she thinks it's the 80's again! :rofl:


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## Sweet love (Sep 10, 2008)

Its normal waht he does.
many people act this way, when in family they kind of get back their role they had in the family when they were kids and it can be very annoying soemtimes for the person itself if the person was treated down in their childhood.. its call family pattern. last time he was with his bro at a party, they acted this waty and this way and so he does now and of course dont know how ot act when now he is maried so thats why he is ignorign you..
soem family patterns are very difficult to outgrow soem take a life time to get rid off, like things out parents tought us and bad things we were told about ourselves.
try make him aware of that os that he give it a thoguth, and dont od the blaming game its goign to cramp him onto selfdefence and it will go nowhere.
try instead to have a talk with him about how he was when he was younger with his brother, and that he is no longer 20, and that he is married now and to try to have fun as back then but including oyu cause now he is married and has to try to implement that factor into his mind, when he his having fun there.
tell him we can have fun together too at those party, no need ot ignore me thats hurting and embarassing for me, and i am sure he will understand.
dont make it degenerate nor take it too seriously nor get scared of it, or make it into a drama. there is no mid life crissi, just the usual family luggage and family patterns we all have with us. 

(Honey, go deleete some of your PM... its full.. lol)


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## hope01 (Sep 8, 2008)

Yes, I actually did try and tell him that this was somewhat rude and embarassing for me, not to metnion feeling like I was simply set on one side...However, either because of the truth of the matter, he is denying ,denying,denying that this was intentional or that he even acted in such a way! 

I dont know what to do because I feel at his age, this should not be occuring! I mean sure, I want to feel like I am single and carefree too..but reality is we were at a family function not at a local bar!


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## brad (Jul 31, 2008)

Actually it's more likely to occur at his age. It's his "last" attempt at being young and hanging with the young crowd. Hopefully he will go through this phase without damaging your family dynamics. I dont think your wrong pointing out what he is doing but it wont help resolve it. Be the stronger one, be a role model with your kids and hope by example he will see what he is doing. It may just be harmless stuff.


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## hope01 (Sep 8, 2008)

brad said:


> Actually it's more likely to occur at his age. It's his "last" attempt at being young and hanging with the young crowd. Hopefully he will go through this phase without damaging your family dynamics. I dont think your wrong pointing out what he is doing but it wont help resolve it. Be the stronger one, be a role model with your kids and hope by example he will see what he is doing. It may just be harmless stuff.


I am keeping an eye on this, however, I do see this happening when he is out in public, say a family function and such....he does not act this way at home... but you are right... he seems t be wanting to 'get back' to his days of carefree days and I guess it is normal, I mean I also feel the same at times, but it's just that I feel it's not really right to act it out ... And it could be harmless, but nonetheless annoying to see him at his age act this way! He's never been the type to act the way he is acting! Like some smooth guy walking about schmoozing with people! That is NOT him at all! Is he 'wishing' this now? Who knows... I just find it absurdly ridiculous!


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## AZMOMOFTWO (Jun 30, 2008)

hope01 said:


> The past few months, my H have seen his younger brother prepare for his upcoming wedding... ofcourse, a bachelor party was in the talks.... he went, after of which I started to slowly notice that when my brother in law not was parties at home and we go.... ny H starts acting somewhat weird and aloof!
> 
> At first I really didnt notice it, until I started seeing him act different when he is around my brothers friends... it was as if he was trying to act young and cool.... we would be at these parties and he would spend all his time schmoozing with all of his brother's friends!
> 
> ...


Sounds like a midlife crisis to me, and 36 is not too young. You've tried talking to him and he's not ready to hear it. I went through this too and what I regret not doing sooner is focusing on me. I put up with this for a few months and finally not sure what to do reached out to a single mom's group. An amazing group of women who are my friends today. They were so supportive. Childcare was offered so I took my kids. My husband kept wanting alone time. I gave it to him. Eventually he did not want it, but now I was enjoying myself. Also I found some things to do with friends like hiking. Basically I became more independent. Now I had decided if things did not change after a certain period of time, I would ask him to move out and I would simply move on. The funny thing is, I would not have had the confidence to throw him out earlier but these things I was doing alone or me and the kids, showed me I could stand on my own. 

In our situation, hubby carried the midlife too far and we are recovering from that. The thing is, his behavior was really off the wall. He blamed me and was angry at me. 

Now that he has "returned" to the wonderful man he was and is again, he said its like looking at a stranger and wondering what the heck he was thinking and how incredibly stupid and selfish he was. He also regrets not talking to me about his feelings sooner and avoiding this whole thing.

Aside from developing some independence and some interests on your own, I would also suggest communicating with him differently. Avoid communicating with him when you or he are emotional or mad, don't accuse. Try using "I" like "I feel like" rather than "You". Listen without feeling defensive and don't try to defend. Also I recommend setting up "date night" so he can see he can have fun with you too. Get a sitter for the kids and suprise him with date night. 

I hope he sees soon that this is just a temporary crazy feeling and returns to reason!


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