# Help?



## Wishingitaway (Oct 30, 2012)

Hi I haven't used a site like this but hopefully this may help me understand myself a little better..

I am 25, got married last years and recently moved overseas with my husband for his job.

I left 3 months ago, feeling resentment, neglect and confused and hurt by his past actions. Our relationship was up and down, great, full of highs, lots of laughs but then epic lows.

He was physically abusive before we were married, after a night drinking he and I rowed, he strangled me and in trying to leave he pulled me cracking my head on the basin that left me with a scar on my face. I put this down to alcohol.- Time passed and we were happy and we got married, after a couple of months he was physically abusive and I'm still emotionally damaged from this, again he was drunk. He was devastated by his actions and went to counselling. we then moved overseas, for a new start. Not knowing anyone it's been difficult for us both. 

Once we came here I started to feel more confident, less insecure about myself and more resentful towards him for all the things he has done in the past. He resented me not working initially, he didn't want me to do anything without him and the more he tried to control me the further away it drove me. Asking me that I didn't confide in my friends me angry, and I got tired Of coming home and doing everything and for him to pretty much ignore me .. I got a job and got some attention from another mAn. Over a few months We became good friends And I confided in him about our relationship and we became close. Nothing happened physically at all but it gave me a glimpse of maybe I am not in love with this man who I married, how can he love me after he has hurt me so much? I left my husband and it was very emotional, my husband went ballistic.. 

Since then a few months have passed and my husband wants to reconcile our relationship, try again, and accuses me of not warning him that I felt this way so he could try harder.initially I felt so angry at him and lost all respect for him for the stuff in the past I had like a protective barrier up and I was strong and didnt want to go back. 

I have since become close with the other man, he has told me he has fallen in love with me...and wants to make a life with me

But I still miss my husband a lot and I still love him even though I thought I didn't. He is so hurt that I left and I feel such guilt that I left and that I have seen he other man. I am not sure what to do in this moment of time, its soo hard our friends are the same, our family is distraught and want for us to work it out.....any help or advice would be great..?


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## ankh (Oct 14, 2012)

When your ex HURT you, and damned near could have killed you, what attracts you to him, other than some lingering 'co-dependent' wiring in your psyche? What is to work out when someone has been so physically violent to you?


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## Wishingitaway (Oct 30, 2012)

Thanks for your reply. Im only attracted back to him because he says I owe it to him, I married him, I took vows, so out of guilt and feeling disloyal plus we were together a long time so mywhole world feels like its been turned upside down. I suspect I am co dependent in some aspects, but your post has helped. I'm tired of friends ***** footing around the subject. You are right I deserve better which is why I left. I have come so far. Thank you


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