# Don't know what to do



## desperatelyseeking (Dec 8, 2009)

Hi. I'm new here and to be honest, I'm just not sure what to do anymore. I am finding myself at a place that I really do not like or want to be at. I am finding myself angry and resentful and a lot of times just feeling like I made a huge mistake.

This may turn out to be a bit long, I'm sorry and beg you bare with me because I really need advice and just want to paint a clear picture. I know there is always the whole 2 sides to a story thing but believe me I try to be extremely realistic and honest about a situation because I know it is the only way to get appropriate advice.

My husband and I met through a Christian online dating service 2 years & 4 months ago. He was in the process of finalizing his divorce after a year of separation from his ex-wife. It was a drawn out divorce as he was seeking custody of his 3 children & the home, all which he was awarded. I on the other had had been divorced for just short of 3 years, have custody of my 2 children and had ended a 2 year relationship with my ex-boyfriend about 3 months prior to meeting my now husband due to my ex-boyfriend cheating on me.

My ex-boyfriend had asked me to marry him several times, all of which I said no to because I was not ready and had my reservations. So in no way was I looking to rush into getting married. I pretty much was content being on my own with my 2 kids. We were a family and that was okay with me.

Out of curiosity I registered for a 10 day free trial at a Christian dating site not really thinking I would find someone, but just curious. My now husband contacted me and we began talking. He really was the only one I ever talked to on there and it became marathon conversations online via messenger and eventually graduated into telephone conversations. After about 2 weeks of nearly 80 plus hours of talking, about everything from God to pizza, we met in person and hit it off really well.

We were a long distance relationship and saw each other every weekend since the first meeting. Eventually we met each others kids and his kids liked me and my kids liked him. All was good and this lasted 10 months and we got married. During the weekends when he would come see me, it easily meant anywhere between a cost of $150-$300 for him. He had told me he was covering all the expenses in his home with no help from his ex-wife. I was receiving $1400 a month in child support and $500 a month in alimony. Needless to say we discussed finances and I was led to believe my income would be as extra money and we even discussed extra curricular activities for the kids that would now be available to them, etc.

Also, I had given up on ever having that big dreamy wedding, yet he went on about how this was every little girls dream and why give up on it if I never had it etc. In essence, he stirred it up in me and so we had a small wedding, only about 40-50 family and very close friends there, but nonetheless at the tune of about $10,000 which he had said in original conversations that $5-6,000 was his starting thought on cost. He was kept abreast on all expenditures for the wedding and the thought was that we would pay my mom back anything above what we didn't initially have to cover this wedding.

Flash forward, we get married. Just short of our 1 month anniversary a situation breaks out where we find his 15 year old son, who had several run in's with the police, was on probation, involved in gang activity, and was using drugs had posted on his myspace about having some drugs to sell and even giving our address for the pick up point. A search of the house revealed some prescription pain killer medication prescribe to my then 19 year old son living at home with me was missing. Confronting his son with this, his son (who has a history of lying and covering up his actions) accuses my son. Thinking "why would my son sneak away his own medication" nonetheless my son is brought into the conversation and questioned about it. My son denies it and did say he hid the pills because knowing what his step-brother's problem was he was trying to help him. Now in the past my son did have his bout with drug usage, however, having several of his close friends die of drug overdose due to pill popping he swore them off and so it had now been months since my son swore of any drug usage at all.

This whole incident escalated to where my husband began accusing my son of lying and went as far as siding with his son against me in front of both boys. Something we had discussed prior to marriage would never occur as we had agreed we would discuss all differences in private and always present a united front before our kids. Now mind you, remember this is only 1 month into the marriage, my husband then tells my son that he has to put up with his son's BS but not with mine. My husbands logic to why he believed my son was lying was because if his son was lying about my son, why did my son not "punch him in the face because that is what I would do". I explained to my husband that is not how I raised my son to handle such situations. Anyway, my son says fine I'll just leave then because I don't want to cause problems. I jump in and tell my son he is not going anywhere and tell my husband "if my son leaves so do I".

That was the start of what has since then been pretty much one major blow up a month since we got married, if not more, and not to mention all the smaller in between arguments. A lot of our arguments have revolved around what I have come to feel is my husbands resentment of my son. When I divorced my son's father I secured child support until the kids turned 21 as long as they were still in school. Reason being is I wanted to assure they would have the opportunity to at least start out in college should they desire to do so. For the whole 1st year of our marriage my son was in college and my rule, which my husband was aware of prior to marriage, was that the kids could remain at home until they got married as long as they were either in school OR working. My husband constantly sought arguments with me that I was not teaching my son to have character because I was not forcing him to get a job. Well first, my son did work for some time but he does have a learning disability and working full time and going to school full time is taxing on him. School suffers and my son was going to drop school. My son also has degenerative discs in his back which caused him to lose his job as a mechanic due to the liability and was put on medical leave w/o pay until the doctor could clear him to work without a back brace. I told my son to focus on school, that work could wait because he was not being a financial burden.

My son's school was fully paid for by financial aid which even had some funds left over at the end of paying tuition and books and it's what he used for gas and lunches. I also was still receiving $700 a month child support for my son. Therefore, my argument with my husband constantly is why are you making such an issue of this, it is not as if my son is costing you anything, in fact he is bringing in money to the home because his child support more than covers what he costs being here.

My son is the sorest argument with my husband... however, there are several other problems that have also created arguments and issues and has brought me to this place.

Bottom line is I feel deceived. As I mentioned in the beginning, my husband led me to believe he was covering ALL the household expenses prior to our getting married and on top of that was spending $150-$300 a weekend to come see me on the weekends. Needless to say, I felt we would be comfortable once we got married. This has not been the case. It turns out that for about 6-7 of the 10 months that we were dating my husband was not paying the mortgage and the house in arrears with payment arrangements being made and even risk of foreclosure at least twice.

Since married I have come to realize that there was no way he would have been able to pay everything without my finances in the mix. I've been covering the cable/internet, water, car insurance, and all the groceries for the home with the exception of when he picks some stuff up on the way home from work. I also cover most of the gas in my car.. he no longer has a car as the one he was using was his parents and they took it back. My car, which was supposed to be made available to my daughter, who is now 17, is our ONLY family car. Nowhere even proper for it since it is a small compact car and we technically are a family of 7. Luckily, his son is not living with us anymore as that is a whole other issue and story, my son had his own car and is now no longer living with me but has moved to my mothers.

Of other issues, only now, meaning today, after many many arguments in which he has berated me about my not having my priorities straight (meaning putting him above the childrens needs), and my telling him don't talk to me about priorities being straight when I am yet to be on your health insurance, when we have no homeowners insurance, when the deed to this house is still in your ex-wife's name because you have procrastinated on her signing the quit claim deed, and when I had to answer the door to a process server serving me foreclosure papers on our home due to your not keeping the payment arrangement on the mortgage. Only about 2-3 weeks ago did the quit claim did get filed. Only today am I now being added to the health insurance. We still don't have homeowners insurance on the home. Though, thanks to my research, we do now have a loan modification which has reduced his mortgage payment by about $500.

With regard to the children. I have taken on his children as my own, in responsibility of care for them, in love and concern that I openly express for them, in worrying about them and their well being, and even in financial things such as buying his young daughters clothing and school uniforms. Meanwhile, he has none of that for my children, including not openly showing the love and concern for them that any reasonable person would expect.

When he expresses any worry, concern, or carries any burden regarding his children I am quick to be there and share in those things with him. However, when I have any of those regarding my children, I am on my own.

In fact, between November '08 - March of '09 my daughter fell into a severe depression due to us having moved, her leaving all her friends, her not having any friends here, and being in an unhealthy relationship with her boyfriend. During this time she went into some serious issues and I needed to be there and comfort her. I pretty much did this all on my own but for a very few short conversations he had with her. My daughter ended up asking to be taken to a hospital and was committed for 1 week for psychiatric help. My husband did not go once to a family visit with her. My husband says he was supportive of me, but that is a matter of opinion as I did not feel his support and not sure what he classifies as support because he refers to this time in our lives as "(my daughter's name) saga".

When my husband and I argue, at first I would try to remain calm, but gradually it has become harder and harder to do so. It becomes yelling matches with each of us throwing things in each other's faces (verbally). However, I still try to maintain, though not as much recently, not hurting his ego, not being critical or judgmental, just basically relating facts or defending myself, my views, my opinions. He on the other hand gets very nasty. He belittles me. He belittles my opinion, my feelings, my views. He carries this "I'm right on everything" attitude. He can never be wrong. His ways are the right ways. I'm always wrong and do everything wrong.

He'll, in non-conflict moments claim "you are a good mother", yet constantly criticizes my parenting. When his son was getting arrested, doing drugs, hanging with gang members, etc he claimed this was no reflection on himself or his parenting, but his sons choices. Yet if my kids do anything wrong its because I haven't taught them this, or because I haven't taught them that, or because I don't let them face consequences, etc. Basically, a reflection on me and my parenting.

He is constantly criticizing my parenting and I have gotten to the point where I tell him "don't talk to me about my parenting when you have a son who refuses to talk to you for over a year, claims to hate you and states that you don't care about him, meanwhile both my children talk to me, love me, and will be the first to tell you that I am always there for them, good or bad".

This has all gotten really long and I am sorry, believe me though, there is probably an entire novel I could right about the things that have taken place and have me to this point. I haven't even touched on the spiritual aspect of things. Remember we met at a Christian dating site. He knew I was looking for a godly man. While dating we did devotions, we prayed together, etc. Since married, this is non-existent yet he will continuously throw in my face about how I'm supposed to be submissive and about how the proper order in a marriage is God, spouse.... then children. To which I reply, submissive is not doormat and I may be submissive to you when I see you submit yourself to the Lord because I submit to God, not to man. Furthermore, I tell him that he is dreaming if he ever believes that I will put any man above my childrens needs. Not their wants, but their needs.

I am angry. I am hurt. I feel deceived. I feel betrayed. I feel used. I feel confused. We were supposed to be building a family. In less than a years time, his son has left the home. My son has left the home. My daughter graduates high school this year and honestly, I'm concerned the BS will then start with her and she will leave the home. This is not what I signed on for. It is clear that I am unhappy. It is clear that I am hurting. He doesn't care. He sits there and plays computer games or fazes out into the TV. He doesn't talk about the problems unless he wants to argue, speak his mind, and doesn't care what the other person has to say or feels. I've told him we need marriage counseling several times. He has ignored it each time and even has gone as far as saying that he doesn't believe in all the psycho-babble. He has boldly told me he has no empathy towards people and has a really tough time having compassion for anyone because everything is a result of choices we make in life and always within our power to control and change it.

Everything is starting to annoy me. Even the small stuff. Like the fact that may day consists of getting my daughter up and off to school, coming back home getting his daughters who are 5 & 6 off to school, cleaning the house, doing the laundry, getting my school work done because I'm full time college, picking up my daughter from school, picking up his daughters from school, getting dinner ready, helping with homework, giving baths, etc. yet he can't even make coffee for me in the morning before leaving for work, knowing I'm not much of a morning person especially until I have my coffee, and he drinks his coffee before leaving because he just reheats a mug of the day before coffee (which I made) in the microwave.

I know the pattern, when even those little things get you angry and upset its because you are feeling resentment, unappreciated and valued, disrespected, etc. I just don't know what to do anymore. Some times, no most times, I just feel like I want out. Like I'm done. Done trying. Done compromising. Done caring.


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## desperatelyseeking (Dec 8, 2009)

I know my post is very long but I am sincerely hoping some will read it and offer some advice or insight as I am totally at a loss.

The short of it is I feel my husband was a Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde situation. He was totally one way prior to getting married and the complete polar opposite after getting married. He makes excuses for all his failures to be the husband he promised to be. All excuses have revolved around blaming me in some way. For example... we can't do bible devotions or family time because I was putting dinner on the table to late, 7-8pm which is what I was used to being Hispanic. I asked what time he would prefer it on the table and that would fix the problem. He said 6pm. That was over a year ago. Since then dinner is on the table between 5:30-6pm but for very very rare occasions, mostly when he cooks. Yet... nothing has changed. He still spends all his time on his computer or watching TV.

Short of it all. I, a lot of times, feel like he married me, if not entirely, at least in part, because he needed someone to help raise his children, he needed my financial contributions as he could not keep this house and all its expenses on his own, he desired someone there for those times when he wants/needs support, and he wanted the sexual intimacy without the stigma of sex outside of marriage is wrong. I don't feel he was ready, perhaps even willing, to put in the effort that it takes to maintain a healthy loving relationship. He is emotionally unavailable to me and emotionally un-supportive for me.

I love his kids, but admit at times I feel resentful that I have totally 150% stepped into the role of being their mother, mind, body, heart and soul... yet do not feel I got that in return.

I keep hoping for it. I have talked this out with him on more occasions than I can count. Nothing changes. He doesn't see anything he is doing as wrong and even if he does, he is not willing to put forth the effort to change it, but rather continues to find more excuses for it.

He at times seeks to find out whats bothering me, what is going on with my kids, but honestly, history has proven it is not out of genuine concern or wanting to help, but only as to gaining more ammunition to use against me, to throw in my face, or hold more failures over my kids heads as to justify his desire to pick yet another argument with me.

He has admitted he loves to take a controversial side simply to get people going. His idea with regards to problems is "I don't like drama, I ignore problems and they go away"... direct quote verbatim. My response was "no, when you ignore problems they get bigger, the only way to make them go away is to talk about them, deal with them, and work towards resolving them".

I am seriously losing all hope that he will change. That we can fix this. That I will ever once again have or see the man he presented himself to be while we were dating. The man I fell in love with. The man that created that desire in me to get married again. A desire that was dormant in me at that time.

He is arrogant. He is prideful. He is nasty in his speech at times. He has referred to something I cook as looking like dog food. Mind you I have cooked for many people and everyone praises my cooking. Yet there are so many times he spills his entire plate in the garbage and then makes himself a can of something to eat. Though I continue cooking, my desire, joy, and enthusiasm to do so has severely diminished making it more of a chore than a pleasure.

There is no physical contact or intimacy outside the bedroom. No sitting on the couch cuddled to watch something together. I love movies, he hates them, yet prior to marriage he had agreed we'd have at least one movie night a week....hasn't happened. The very few times we have watched a movie, its been like pulling teeth and at the pulling of the kids for him to join us.

Sexually, I have not rejected him once in all this time, even when I have not felt like being intimate. However, I no longer initiate it. To be honest, I no longer miss it or even desire it most times. Reason being is when so many of my other needs are so neglected. When I feel so disrespected. When my feelings are not valued. When my opinions and views are not appreciated. When I feel that he seems to have a problem with everything about me, including being the first person ever in my life to not like my mother/family, I'm sorry but I feel like nothing more than a piece of meat in the bedroom.

Sex is much more than the physical act. If all I wanted was a physical act, I didn't need to get married for that. I am an attractive woman who looks far younger than I am. I would have no problem having a man to have sex with me if that's what I wanted. However, it is not. I want a relationship. I want a partnership. I want companionship. I want someone to share with, to grow with, to converse with. Absent of all that... sex is nothing more than an act.


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

I honestly had a serious concern when you first said he had full custody of all his kids and the house. Unless his first wife was a criminal or psychotic, this should not have happened and usually happens when a man is so controlling and vindictive he uses the court, and his financially superior resources, to continue controlling and punishing his ex by taking the children and everything. 

Everything you wrote after that fit the pattern, so I'm not surprised you are unhappy. The question is, what will you do about it? Clearly, some intense counseling is in order--for each of you individually and for you together as a couple. Be very clear with yourself about your expectations, because I suspect that if you tell him counseling is a condition of remaining married, he'll either do it (and seem to change, for a short while), or he'll become angry and very threatening and controlling. I honestly don't see a positive outcome unless he somehow learns to become a very different person. 

The jekyll/hyde thing is typical of men whose own insecurity leads them to be controlling.They get a woman to marry them pretty quickly b/c they figure they can control her better within marriage. Then their "real" nature comes out. 

Good luck.


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## desperatelyseeking (Dec 8, 2009)

Sisters,

First, thank you for your response. You are right it is an odd thing that a man should get custody of the children and the house in a divorce case. In this situation there are reasons why the mother lost custody. There is reasons due to addictions, legal matters, and irresponsibility on her part, as well as her having an affair, that all led to the judges decision. Having had to deal with her during the last year and half being married, there is a lot of irresponsibility on her part that I can see. Lets just say her kids do NOT come first in her life and she makes plenty of poor choices that led to her losing custody and having only visitation, with even that somewhat being threatened at this point due to further irresponsible actions on her part.

However, having said that... and feeling that yes I understand very much the reason why the judge gave my husband custody... I do have some underlying feeling that if at least in part some vindictiveness was involved in his pursuit of custody and the house. He does do some things with the kids such as helping with homework, tucking them in, reading with them, and having him help him with little things he does, however, for the most part I do handle most of the parenting and even his kids joke around all the time about how he is always on the computer or laying down watching TV. Their mother has even told me that she is grateful that I am here because the kids talk about me all the time and she knows that I am the one doing everything for them.

I am very unhappy, but at this point, honestly I am not sure what to do. Part of me just wants to throw in the towel and say "I'm done". However, I am the type of person that never rushes into a decision. I seriously always consider all angles and options and possibilities before making a decision. But one thing about me is that once I do make a decision it tends to be very final and I move on it. Being this way has helped me to never look back on a relationship with regrets or the "what ifs".

I agree that we need some intense counseling, and yes even individually because I do believe he needs it. I believe he has a lot of issues that he needs to deal with. Perhaps even as far back as childhood. Generally I feel he is very narcissistic and even spoiled at times. Even the thing with the food and stuff, its being spoiled to be such a picky eater. I mean seriously, we all have those few things that we just do not like to eat, but when we take it as far as nitpicking with everything and tossing your entire plate of food into the garbage and hardly touching your meal on a regular basis this borders on just being spoiled. His kids were the same way but not anymore. Literally they would say "yuck" at something I would serve having never even tasted it. I got them to where they at least taste it and more often than not they like it and now are very good eaters and not so finicky and more importantly, rude.

I've told him on many occasions that my expectations are nothing more or less than that which we had discussed and agreed upon prior to getting married. That they haven't changed. The first time I talked to him about us needing some serious counseling was back in September of 2008. Mind you we got married in June 2008. At that point we should have still been in our state of marital bliss, not already having such blown out fights that would lead to feeling serious marriage counseling is needed if the marriage is to survive.

Since then there have been at least 4-5 other occasions where I have brought up, even connected with the words "if not we are seriously headed down the path to divorce" and he's not moved on this at all. Guess I don't really expect him to at this point considering 2 of his statements... "I ignore problems and they go away" and "I don't believe in all that psycho-babble". I've had friends tell me well you set it up, you go to it and I agree. Problem is I had no way of doing so as he never even put me on his insurance (one of my big points with him during some of our arguments about my son's irresponsibility where I told him don't talk to me about responsibility when you haven't even assured that I have health coverage yet). Well he did just add me yesterday, but I won't be covered until Jan. 1. At least at that point I will be able to set some up even if just for myself.

I guess at this point the reason I am seriously losing hope that things will change and that we will not eventually just end up divorced is because he does need to change. He needs to stop being so nasty, so critical, so arrogant, so self-righteous. He needs to learn how to communicate, how to show compassion and empathy towards others. He needs to realize that when he married me, my kids are part of the package and yes, they are now to some extent his responsibility as well, just like his kids have become mine. The problem is that in order for changes to occur, one first needs to realize there is a problem, that a change is needed and then have the willingness to follow through on that and make the changes. I just don't see that happening. I don't see him ever realizing that he has a problem and that it's not right the way he goes about things.

He believes its okay to say whatever he wants to whomever he wants and however he wants with no consideration at all for their feelings because in his words "its not my fault if they can't handle the truth"... well when its a matter of opinion then what truth and according to whom. To him. His truth. Sorry that just doesn't fly with me. He's entitled to his opinion but sure as heck so am I. Now I've always been, and have in many things already, been willing to compromise. Problem is there is no compromise with him. He stands firm on his view, however wrong it may be, and won't budge... and even if you prove to him that it is wrong, he either belittles the proof as irrelevant, incorrect, or would basically just say "yeah well that's stupid".

Rarely, if ever at all, will he say "wow, I didn't realize that" or "interesting, I didn't know that" or "I was wrong".


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## Raemay38 (Dec 12, 2009)

You know what to do but you seem affraid to do it. I personally think you should leave this toxic relationship. God does not want you to be un-happy and he is not following how God want a man to treat his wife by the way. He is self-centered jerk and lied about his financial status in hopes that you would help him out he is using you sweetie sorry to say he is using you for your money whether it be bills or whatever it sure sound slike he is using you. I think after your daughter graduates high school you need to leave then. I'm so sorry he has been so non-carign towards your own children but I think he was playing you. I'm not saying your an idiot or anything but even the brightest people are played meaning he has used you for his own gain it seems like. The issues with his son and your son go figure like father like son. You have instilled good values and raised your kids good regardless of what he thinks. God will understand why! you left this marriage dont think he wont he will. There are more christians out there divorcing then you know I'm not condoning divorce but sometimes you just know you made a mistake and this person is toxic to you. I have a christian friend who divorced and after she divorced she reconnected with her high school sweet heart and now they are very happily married. God has blessed my friend and her marriage and they witness to others and have such a good relationship. Its never to late to start over and wait on god to find the right man not just yourself. My sister prayed for years and now she is happily married to a wonderful man they are so great togther and so close god can give you anouther chance just pray and wait.
I trully think he is not being there for you in any way thats not a good marriage.
Save up your money and find yourself anouther place to live and then get divorced.

You will be fine its hard to start anew but you have been independent before so it shouldnt be to hard to start over again.

God bless!
Raemay38


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## desperatelyseeking (Dec 8, 2009)

Raemae,

You hit it on the nail as to how I feel. I feel he has used me. After being married and all the trouble starting just short of our 1 month anniversary of being married, I started to see the real him. I have been dealing with that, and all the disappointment it comes with, for the past year and a half. Honestly, I have no idea how he would have been able to keep this house and all the expenses of it if it were not for the child support that I bring in.

I do believe he married me because he needed the financial support, needed the emotional support that I offered, needed someone to raise his children, needed the legitimacy for sex through marriage, and recently I've been feeling more and more that he needed his own little emotional punching bag. He is the type of person, I am becoming more and more convinced, that needs to put other people down so that he can feel better about himself. He admits enjoying arguing. He admits enjoying taking the opposing view just to rile people up. He loves being controversial. He is arrogant and prideful. He is nasty and cruel. He is spiteful and vindictive. All the things that I am not. I am the polar opposite of all this. We clash so totally because of this. The sad part is that as I feel the resentment and anger building up in me, I've caught myself at times exchanging a tit for tat now. I hate that. I'm not that person, but he is bringing out a side of me that can be a real ***** because I'll shoot something at him from the hip without running it through the edit function with the thought of "if you could careless about how you hurt someone else's feelings, then why the hell should I care if I hurt yours... as you claim... the truth hurts and there is no need to candy coat it" .... problem is his truths are so warped and self-centered its pathetic.

As for my children, I did try my best to raise good kids with good hearts. They are far from perfect and have made many mistakes in life. Who hasn't. But underneath it all they have good hearts. My son, though he has made some big mistakes, never seeks to blame anyone else and even if anyone tries to blame it on someone elses influence, my son will stand like a man and say "noone made me do it, it was my choice, my mess up, I don't know why I did it but I did, it was me". I applaud that in my son. That is character. Character is not determined in whether or not you mess up, it is determined in what you do with it once you mess up. Do you fess it up, or do you deny it and blame others. Character and integrity go hand in hand.

When the situation occurred between my husbands son and my son... believe it or not the reason my husband gave for not believing my son versus believing his lying, blame everyone else son who had all the evidence pointed at him, was the fact that "if my son is lying against your son then why did your son stand up and punch my son in the face, cause that is what I would do". I was floored by such a statement coming out at all, but even more so coming out from this so called Christian godly man that he claimed so highly to be. My response to him was simply "because that is not how I raised my son. I didn't raise my son to believe that violence solved anything and that when falsely accused of anything to simply state the truth and let it be because the truth always speaks for itself and comes out in the end". 

My husband made my son's humbleness and self-control of his anger seem like something wrong instead of something to be praised. Again, the polar opposite of me. In my opinion if the situation had been reversed my thought would been like "wow, I'm impressed that he was able to keep his cool and not react by punching him in the face because I don't know if I could have just sit there and not do so".

Yes.... in a lot of ways you are right with the whole "like father like son" thing. I don't hold it against his son because he was just 15 at the time, just a kid who was troubled for a number of reasons that truly no child should have to go through due to both his mother and his father. However, yes his son was just as arrogant and rude at times. His son had just as much anger issues, mostly directed at his father. As it stand right now, his son hasn't wanted to speak to his father for the past year which is when he left the house to first go live with his mother and is now living with his aunt. He says he hates his father and that his father doesn't give a s*** about him. That his father doesn't care.

Before his son left the home, during one argument he had with his father he left and I went after him (my husband had said let him go) he was 15 and I couldn't just leave him out on the street. I went to look for him and when I found him his son told me "you don't know my father, you married him to soon, you only know what he wanted you to know, you don't know the real him, he is an a**h***". My son was with me when I went to look for my husband's son and my son got out of the car and stayed with his son. He told me to go back home and he would talk to him and bring him back. I did and my son did just that. About half hour later they both walked in and my husbands son just went to his room and stayed there.

In a way.. you are right. I know what I gotta do and in some ways yes, I am a bit scared of the decision. Not sure why though. I know I can make it on my own, I have before. I think it's just that fear of coming to the place where you vocalize that it's over. I'm going to be making a new post about something that happened this weekend that has just cemented that thought in me further. A preview to it... lets just say that this is the thought that is running through my mind... "this marriage was being held together on life support and YOU just singlehandedly pulled the plug".

Thank you Raemae for your comments.


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## BiscuitMom (Oct 16, 2009)

He sounds like a narcissicist for sure.


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