# Getting Cranky--Picking fights!



## stumblealong (Jun 30, 2010)

I have never been like this! I am picking fights with my man and it is stupid things I'm picking at him for! We never usually fight but I look at him and I just instantly get pi**ed off! I'm sure I could chalk it up to sexual frustration since it's been over a yr since having 'real' sex. The past week I find myself looking for things to start a fight. Has anyone gone through this before:scratchhead: (No it's not that time of month). Will I quit being a hag any time soon? All I know is he is getting drunker and I'm getting madder!
Stumble


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## Braelynn21203 (Oct 4, 2010)

Is he still romantic? I know it pisses me off that I do a lot around the house, with our dog, and my husband is never romantic. And I have to remind him to be. 

I think the best solution is for you and your husband to have a long, honest talk about everything. Get everything off your chest, let the other person know and then accept it and let it go and start over. Start doing things that you havent done in a while, and when yalls get mad at each other, brush it off immediately. Well, that's what I would do.

Hope this helps.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

You're a little grumpy? If it had been a year without sex for me, I'd be in a tower with a sniper rifle.


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## misspuppy (Sep 19, 2010)

def some built up sexual tension there no doubt about it.. have you tried to "pleasure" yourself? 

I know i have never gone a year, but agree with Unbelievable about the whole tower thing.. hubby and i would go no more than 6-8 weeks in between and that was usually because his hormones are on the "season" timing, meaning he is more playful during the higher seasons.. but 1 whole year is along time for anyone.. its not wonder you want to knock his head off at times.. 

i would def suggest some kind of self gratification for now, to see if that "calms the beast within", then take it from there. otherwise it will get worse and worse and then who knows what will happen.


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## stumblealong (Jun 30, 2010)

Braelynn: No he is not romantic at all. I have been patient with him and have not been mean to him at all with these issues we've been going through but I guess all the tension is just bldg up. He refuses help on his erectile problems, so i kinda feel like we're in limbo waiting for the next shoe to drop. I tell him I'm sorry later on when I've snapped about something small, but 15 min later i will do it again! This is not like me and he has even said this. 

Unbelievable/miss puppy: Ha! sniper tower IS how I am feeling! I have not gone a whole yr without sex since I was 16yrs old! Actually the last 2 yrs have been pretty low on the O meter, and with the self gratification....well, can't seem to 'get the O' anymore! I'm bummed I've become a 36yr old celibate and not by choice! I guess I do have reason to be cranky! I just don't like myself this nitpicky, naggy way!


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

What's more abusive? Nagging someone, or denying them the right to be a normal, sexual human being as God created them to be? A rat or a squirrel get to satisfy their sexual urges, but you don't? You're lower than a rat or a squirrel? I'd take nagging any time over the dehumanizing effect of a spouse that withheld sex. If your man has the ability to take care of you sexually but chooses not to, he has earned whatever nagging he gets. He has earned a cheating spouse. He has earned an assault with a baseball bat as far as I'm concerned. He has forfeited the right to complain about anything you do.


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## ThinkTooMuch (Aug 6, 2010)

stumblealong said:


> I have never been like this! I am picking fights with my man and it is stupid things I'm picking at him for! We never usually fight but I look at him and I just instantly get pi**ed off! I'm sure I could chalk it up to sexual frustration since it's been over a yr since having 'real' sex. The past week I find myself looking for things to start a fight. Has anyone gone through this before:scratchhead: (No it's not that time of month). Will I quit being a hag any time soon? All I know is he is getting drunker and I'm getting madder!
> Stumble


Stumble,

Jokingly I'll suggest you start taking an anti-depressant, especially Paxil - that will kill your libido - just ask my wife - and when you want to stop Paxil life becomes exceedingly unpleasant.

I understand your frustration, my marriage is ending because of lack of real sex and the physical and emotional intimacy that is associated with it. My wife will pleasure me perhaps 3 times a month (not intercourse, she finds it very painful), but it is more duty than enjoyment for her. I'm not allowed to touch or nibble her, I miss the sounds of pleasure she made, the tastes and feel we used to share.

We both know separation and divorce is headed our way, we've been talking about it, but not getting there; that said I wish I was the kind of guy who could pick up readily available women, but I never mastered that skill, the last time I had a date was in '84 and she hasn't left since. 

I recall you are having more than one problem with H, because alcohol and other issues have diminished his interest in you. 

Have you considered taking a lover? 

I've seen one more than one personal advt on craigslist for women who are married and want attention & sex from a guy. The key term is NSA - no strings attached. You can also put advts on plentyoffish and indicate what you are looking for.

I know this isn't classy, I raise it more to get you thinking than advertising on CL , you've got years ahead of you, and if he isn't doing his job, you and h have a very rough time in your future.

I have no idea of your religion or lack thereof, I want to point out Judaism has a very different view of marital relations than my incomplete understanding of some others.

From Judaism 101: Kosher Sex

The primary purpose of sex is to reinforce the loving marital bond between husband and wife. The first and foremost purpose of marriage is companionship, and sexual relations play an important role. Procreation is also a reason for sex, but it is not the only reason. Sex between husband and wife is permitted (even recommended) at times when conception is impossible, such as when the woman is pregnant, after menopause, or when the woman is using a permissible form of contraception.

Sex is the woman's right, not the man's. A man has a duty to give his wife sex regularly and to ensure that sex is pleasurable for her. He is also obligated to watch for signs that his wife wants sex, and to offer it to her without her asking for it. The woman's right to sexual intercourse is referred to as onah, and it is one of a wife's three basic rights (the others are food and clothing), which a husband may not reduce. The Talmud specifies both the quantity and quality of sex that a man must give his wife. It specifies the frequency of sexual obligation based on the husband's occupation, although this obligation can be modified in the ketubah (marriage contract). A man may not take a vow to abstain from sex for an extended period of time, and may not take a journey for an extended period of time, because that would deprive his wife of sexual relations. In addition, a husband's consistent refusal to engage in sexual relations is grounds for compelling a man to divorce his wife, even if the couple has already fulfilled the halakhic obligation to procreate.
.....
Although sex is the woman's right, she does not have absolute discretion to withhold it from her husband. A woman may not withhold sex from her husband as a form of punishment, and if she does, the husband may divorce her without paying the substantial divorce settlement provided for in the ketubah.​
I can't tell you how much I wish we weren't on this path. 

Mark


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## misspuppy (Sep 19, 2010)

unbelievable said:


> What's more abusive? Nagging someone, or denying them the right to be a normal, sexual human being as God created them to be? A rat or a squirrel get to satisfy their sexual urges, but you don't? You're lower than a rat or a squirrel? I'd take nagging any time over the dehumanizing effect of a spouse that withheld sex. If your man has the ability to take care of you sexually but chooses not to, he has earned whatever nagging he gets. * He has earned a cheating spouse*. He has earned an assault with a baseball bat as far as I'm concerned. He has forfeited the right to complain about anything you do.


WTH are you saying that because he is withholding sex THAT he deserves to be cheated on???? are you kidding me? so, cheating is going to solve this problem in this case, but, in all others Cheating is wrong?? :scratchhead: that make no sense whatsoever! Yes, *sarcasm* lets just ADD more problems to this shall we??? 


*DO NOT GO OFF AND CHEAT* whatever you do, it is not worth it.. get vaginal lubes watch porn, but, do not, please do not go off and cheat or get a lover??? Both Unbelievable and thinktomuch should not be telling or even suggesting cheating... Swinging/swapping is fine as long as both parties know, but, cheating HELL NO!!!!!!


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## stumblealong (Jun 30, 2010)

Hi all- Thanks for all the input. I've been on anti-depressants in the past, and I just don't want to get back on them (even to kill my sex drive-but it may solve some problems on that end). 

I too miss all the other things about making love, not just intercourse, but the emotional intimacy. I think I miss that 'connection' more than anything. That is why I don't think I can take on a lover on the side. The thought has crossed my mind of course, I mean when someone asks me out or flirts, yes the idea comes to mind, but actually going through it... At this point it isn't necessarily out of loyalty to him, but the thought of my daughter being ashamed of me if it was found out. I don't want to hurt him in that way either, but my feeling towards him are hardening the longer this goes on.

He knows I'm not happy, and this nitpicking is my way of venting I guess. I have told him I just don't feel any love between us anymore. He says he loves me very much, yet he is not willing to get help for his problems. He does not want to give up the alcohol. I guess I need to take steps to separate from him, but I'm just afraid of the impact it will have on our girl. On the other hand (unless I just ignore how I feel) our relationship will continue to deteriorate. Believe me we've gotten used to acting like everything is ok for the past couple of yrs, I kinda think that is what he wants to go back to. 
Thanks everyone
Stumble


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