# A letter to my wife that i didnt send.



## Jasonz (Jul 25, 2021)

If what I’ve been doing and what I’ve done for you means nothing, and nothing but money to you, please read.

I worked and saved up for 4 years for down payment and made payments for 3 years for your tiffany engagement ring.

Took me 5 years plus to pay off your Mercedes.

Took me 7 years plus to pay off your student loan.

I put roof over your head for 10 years +. Paid for everything including heating cooling electricity natural-gas security

phone internet water mortgage food beauty pool maintenance all the taxes, like everything including car 

maintenances registration inspection insurance and fuel. For 10+ yrs, and oh yea your cell phone 

bill for 20 yrs.

I worked hard and saved up to go on vacation beaches where you want. Almost every year.

I paid 100% of 100s if not thousands of our restaurant bills by working hard. 

Bought you many thousands of dollars fashion hand bags.

I get complains I don’t help out around the house even I do vacuum, laundry, and daily trash, recycling, 

I get complains I only pay for all and that’s all I do and that means nothing.

I get stinked by work everyday working and you never set a foot at the place to help out even if you know that I’m

screwed by shortage of workers and never even bothered to learn to help ever because that’s always the excuse why

you can’t help. Even before the babys. Even though you know that all the money we spend is from the business 

where I work hard.

I get constant calculations and complains that I didn’t do this and that and you do all and that you had to clean the 

toilet after a months and its all my fault.

I even pick up and clean your drain hairs because you can’t because its disgusting and you never do.

You occasionally compare me with other husbands who you think they do more to kids and more to their wives and 

all things. And said I’m the worst of all husbands and a worst of all the dads that we know around us.

We don’t even have sex once a year even though I want daily even after countlessly talking about it. 

I support and supported your mom and even loaned her a-lot money even if she was very negative on us getting 

married.

Your mom always on your side supporting and defending you when we fight and texts me I’m the one who have to let 

go because you are having period.

I get complains saying "you don’t even buy me a New car.” Like I only buy certified pre owned and talk like its not 

good enough for you.

I did everything for you including what your parents supposed to do for you and much more for much longer.

Stop complaining, comparing and calculating. It just drains me. Stop saying that I don’t do anything. I worked and 

still work hard for all the things I Payed for which I hope it means something. Every time you bring up stuffs like what I 

didn’t do and you do all, I have to bring up what I’ve done and if I say that., I’m being a cheap ass for saying what I 

did because whatever I did is all normal because all normal husbands where you used to work long long time ago for 

those rich generations who gets money from their parents do that.

But at the end, I thank you for being the best mom for our 4yr old and 8months old and occasional breakfast for me 

even if our marriage is contact-less marriage.

I don’t want appreciation. I just don’t want to hear complains.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

Jason why do you reward bad behavior on her part?


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

You need to stop buying this woman expensive things. Why does she need a Mercedes? Why does she need a ring that you couldn't afford? If she wants those thing then she needs to get off her rear and get a job. A darn good one at the sounds of it. 

This woman doesn't want you, she just wants what you can give her. Stop doing that, and stop letting her walk all over you! There is NO pleasing a woman like this, she will always want more. She doesn't love you. If she did your marriage wouldn't be sexless and it certainly wouldn't be "contactless", and she wouldn't be making complaints about not getting spoiled.

What makes her a good mother?

You _should _want some appreciation! Everyone should appreciate their spouse.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Jasonz said:


> If what I’ve been doing and what I’ve done for you means nothing, and nothing but money to you, please read.


Seemingly gives leverage to her, in a whiny kind of way, as to whether she reads or 'hears' this or not. It's not a direct and honest communication from you.



Jasonz said:


> Stop complaining, comparing and calculating.


Just say this. No back-and-forth. Say it... not in text or typed, verbally, say it succinctly, calmly, and confidently once. "I need you to stop complaining, comparing, and calculating.'

Then back it up with actions to demonstrate this pattern between you is no longer working.

I hope you feel better for typing it all out and sharing here; perhaps also to gain self-reflection and perspectives. I'm glad that you didn't share it with her. Here's the non-sugar coating coming... I felt that it was whiny, in that you're basically complaining about her complaining. And that sort of thing, personally, does my head in. If she's already displaying disrespect and disinterest in you and your marriage, I'll hazard a guess that that type of expression is not going to achieve the outcome that you desire - for her to stop complaining. Regardless if you stay married or not, your communication needs to start aligning with your thoughts/feelings/actions. Feels like you're about to commence some personal growth and changes that are uncomfortable yet necessary.


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## Luckylucky (Dec 11, 2020)

Is she asking for these gifts and things though? And from your lengthy post, it’s you doing some very lengthy calculating and complaining. That’s quite a list of calculations. 

I may be wrong but it sounds like she’s wanting more of your time? (She did state all that stuff means nothing) 

I’m hearing very little emotion from you other than a repetition of ‘I work hard I buy this’ 

From a woman’s perspective, some of us don’t need the handbags and cars. Yes it makes the husband look good, but we can be happier with a Toyota and a nice handbag only every three years. 

So is she complaining about wanting material things, or saying the other husbands are better because they have some time for wife and kids doing a cheap day at the park for free? Throwing a ball and feeding the ducks together?

Do you love her?? I don’t see a man in love, but a lot of calculations. A clinical list of objects and possessions and very little emotion. You don’t really show yearning, or love or pain either? Does this even hurt?


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

What a spoiled, entitled, shallow brat she is. I only hope you realize not all women are like that. Too bad that's the kind you picked.


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## Jasonz (Jul 25, 2021)

I appreciate for your replies and support. Im so happy that i let out my steam here. And yes i just re-read my letter and i actually do sound like a whinny lil wuss. (im acting big man on the outside)
What im hiding from yall is she is full time mom with only help from her mom who is not healthy, and she doesn't want help from the outsider due to covid pandemic. we never sent our 4 yr old to school or daycare yet due to the covid she was caring 24-7 and now with a yr old new born as well.
Our marriage wasn't like this before our first one..we both cant sleep well because these lil ones are vampires eating at night and it echos.
We've known each other for 25 yrs. we are in same high 30s but its just when im tired i have to let some out..
im confused as well as you all now im in defending mode.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Jasonz said:


> I get complains I only pay for all and that’s all I do and that means nothing.


Also, do you actually understand what this means?

Any chance that your efforts are misguided completely to the material things, when perhaps that isn't that important to her? Maybe the material things are of high importance to her, yet if she's saying it means nothing, then do you have understanding of what is meaningful to her?

Regardless, I still stand by my previous post.


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## Luckylucky (Dec 11, 2020)

No you don’t sound like a whiny wuss at all. It’s good to vent. Sometimes it can make you feel justified, or better, or see where you could be making a mistake. 

Let’s face it, she’s whining and complaining a lot too - but do listen! We women love to be heard, and I do hear from her complaining that it’s you she wants and the big items don’t mean a lot. 

I wish you both well, try to find some time for eachother, especially with the littlies in these trying times. Money is easily wasted and spent, marriages don’t come and go quite as fast.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Jasonz said:


> I appreciate for your replies and support. Im so happy that i let out my steam here. And yes i just re-read my letter and i actually do sound like a whinny lil wuss. (im acting big man on the outside)
> What im hiding from yall is she is full time mom with only help from her mom who is not healthy, and she doesn't want help from the outsider due to covid pandemic. we never sent our 4 yr old to school or daycare yet due to the covid she was caring 24-7 and now with a yr old new born as well.
> Our marriage wasn't like this before our first one..we both cant sleep well because these lil ones are vampires eating at night and it echos.
> We've known each other for 25 yrs. we are in same high 30s but its just when im tired i have to let some out..
> im confused as well as you all now im in defending mode.


I commend you for reading back your own words and seeing it in a different light.

No doubt having kids would be a big adjustment, plus the pandemic stuff can impact people in different ways.

I'm not really one for bumper sticker type quotes, yet I heard this (Joan Halifax) and it stuck with me: 'It takes a strong back to have a soft front.' The strong back, to me at least, means staying grounded within oneself - or engaging the 'back-bone', while the soft front is about demonstrating compassion.

What I do know is that defensiveness in relationships typically facilitates the finger of blame to occur. And from there, it doesn't really seem to lead any place helpful. Resentment just completely sours and diminishes relationships (and likely, sense of self too). Also, it seems that micro-decisions and actions occur consistently with navigating relationships, all of which play a part in the dynamic between you. I think you need to lead yourself from a place of (emotional) strength, rather than defensiveness and a type of victim stance. Meaning, as you can't change her, you can change the way you go about things - as a more empowered path.


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

Jasonz said:


> I appreciate for your replies and support. Im so happy that i let out my steam here. And yes i just re-read my letter and i actually do sound like a whinny lil wuss. (im acting big man on the outside)
> What im hiding from yall is she is full time mom with only help from her mom who is not healthy, and she doesn't want help from the outsider due to covid pandemic. we never sent our 4 yr old to school or daycare yet due to the covid she was caring 24-7 and now with a yr old new born as well.
> Our marriage wasn't like this before our first one..we both cant sleep well because these lil ones are vampires eating at night and it echos.
> We've known each other for 25 yrs. we are in same high 30s but its just when im tired i have to let some out..
> im confused as well as you all now im in defending mode.


Kids change marriages, and seldom for the better. Sounds like she went full time mommy and quit her job as a wife. Many do. Sadly, your life is the norm for many, many marriages.


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## DudeInProgress (Jun 10, 2019)

She doesn’t care. She will never care about your sacrifices and struggles. Especially if she doesn’t respect and desire you as a man, which (based on your OP) she doesn’t. It’s not that she doesn’t understand your perspective, she doesn’t care. The sooner you accept that, the better decisions you’ll start making.

**edited to add:
Stop reacting to her and focus on leading yourself, your marriage and family. Take her input, listen to her fears/frustrations but don’t accept her negativity towards you and don’t react to it. Try to work together with her, you are a team (until you’re not) but always be your own man and move your life forward in your frame, not hers.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

Listen .... I’m about to say something but don’t take it as I hate women... because I don’t.

A woman will NEVER understand the hard unending work that a man has to endure to provide for them. It’s just not part of their world. Female entitlement is just born, bred, and lived out by them.

Unfortunately you have never stood up for yourself and only suplicated her behavior.
You do have some ownership.

“We have a child” and “Do the right thing” will always be your enslaver if you allow it. Countless men choose to be a slave.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Mr.Married said:


> Listen .... I’m about to say something but don’t take it as I hate women... because I don’t.
> 
> A woman will NEVER understand the hard unending work that a man has to endure to provide for them. It’s just not part of their world. Female entitlement is just born, bred, and lived out by them.
> 
> ...


You are very wrong, many of us are nothing like that. The majority of women work as well these days.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

Diana7 said:


> You are very wrong, many of us are nothing like that. The majority of women work as well these days.


That’s your female perspective and you have the right to it.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Wonder why you had another baby with her.


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

My biggest question is, Why have you stayed?


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

Jasonz said:


> I appreciate for your replies and support. Im so happy that i let out my steam here. And yes i just re-read my letter and i actually do sound like a whinny lil wuss. (im acting big man on the outside)
> *What im hiding from yall is she is full time mom with only help from her mom who is not healthy,* and she doesn't want help from the outsider due to covid pandemic. we never sent our 4 yr old to school or daycare yet due to the covid she was caring 24-7 and now with a yr old new born as well.
> Our marriage wasn't like this before our first one..we both cant sleep well because these lil ones are vampires eating at night and it echos.
> We've known each other for 25 yrs. we are in same high 30s but its just when im tired i have to let some out..
> im confused as well as you all now im in defending mode.


My wife was SAHM until our four kids were out of the house. That was once the norm and no one complained about it. When the children were babies, I helped at night and weekends so the wife could recover some sleep. It doesn't take very long until they begin sleeping through the night.

Your wife disrespecting you and you allowing that can't be excused by your having kids that she cares for. If she doesn't want to be SAHM, she should get a job and take the kids to daycare. There are plenty of SINGLE women who accomplish that alone, they don't have a husband to complain about.

Stop being the doormat in your own home. Stop buying her bling she doesn't appreciate. Sell the mercedes and buy a cheap used car. Stop doing housework, you already work a fulltime job running a business.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

The next time she starts complaining, you tell her you have a few complaints of your own and tell her a few too. You need to stand up to her. Put your foot down. What do you get out of this relationship except for childcare, point that out to her. YOU need to take back some of your control in this relationship. She does not respect you.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

She doesn't come across very well in the letter, but we only know one side of the story. As I said before, I don't understand why you had another child with this useless woman, or is there something you are not telling us? How's your emotional connection? Sex once a year seems to indicate you have none. Do you value your relationship just by the material things you give her?


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Mr.Married said:


> That’s your female perspective and you have the right to it.


As a woman who knows and has known countless women in my life I know you are wrong. Nearly all of them work or have worked before retirement and none were 'entitied'.


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## Luckylucky (Dec 11, 2020)

Oh come on men, don’t make him meaner, he’s in a bind. 

We’re not all gold-diggers and we do put our lives on hold to thanklessly hold the fort at home, and many of us don’t need the accolades or bling. Or even the thanks.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

It’s hard to know as we’re only getting one side of the story here, but is there any truth to what she’s saying? Do you help around the house? With the kids? Do you feel that you are the breadwinner and that’s your only job you need to do?

I know that you work and she stays home, but that doesn’t mean that’s all you do. You have to give her a hand at home too.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

frusdil said:


> It’s hard to know as we’re only getting one side of the story here, but is there any truth to what she’s saying? Do you help around the house? With the kids? Do you feel that you are the breadwinner and that’s your only job you need to do?
> 
> I know that you work and she stays home, but that doesn’t mean that’s all you do. You have to give her a hand at home too.


Sounds like there is massive resentment there...


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

frusdil said:


> It’s hard to know as we’re only getting one side of the story here, but is there any truth to what she’s saying? Do you help around the house? With the kids? Do you feel that you are the breadwinner and that’s your only job you need to do?
> 
> I know that you work and she stays home, but that doesn’t mean that’s all you do. You have to give her a hand at home too.





Jasonz said:


> I get complains I don’t help out around the house even *I do vacuum, laundry, and daily trash, recycling,
> *


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## CatholicDad (Oct 30, 2017)

Would you be happy with your sacrifices if you were at least having weekly sex? If so, I’d start there in talking to her. Throw away the letter. She may trump you with the “I grew your child inside me and take care of him/her all day every day”.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

frusdil said:


> It’s hard to know as we’re only getting one side of the story here, but is there any truth to what she’s saying? Do you help around the house? With the kids? Do you feel that you are the breadwinner and that’s your only job you need to do?
> 
> I know that you work and she stays home, but that doesn’t mean that’s all you do. You have to give her a hand at home too.


Really? He says he does. 
She doesn’t train the kids to be helpful and fun to be around, because that takes consistency and effort. Sounds like all she does is sit around and complain. Sex once a year??? 
What man would possibly want to be married to this woman. OP definitely has his share of blame, but it’s not in “helping around the house” enough. It for being a doormat and staying with s woman that is clearly only there because he provides an easy life with no real responsibility.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

CatholicDad said:


> Would you be happy with your sacrifices if you were at least having weekly sex? If so, I’d start there in talking to her. Throw away the letter. She may trump you with the “I grew your child inside me and take care of him/her all day every day”.


Once a week sex shouldn’t be enough. Sex with a woman who WANTS to have sex with you regularly, or nothing.
Why not spend one’s life with a woman that actually loves you? Some people have that.
Those that don’t shouldn’t settle for less.


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## CatholicDad (Oct 30, 2017)

Evinrude58 said:


> Once a week sex shouldn’t be enough. Sex with a woman who WANTS to have sex with you regularly, or nothing.
> Why not spend one’s life with a woman that actually loves you? Some people have that.
> Those that don’t shouldn’t settle for less.


It’s a good goal with babies especially if they are at less than once per year now.


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## Luckylucky (Dec 11, 2020)

The other thing I want to say is that we women don’t jump in and cheer eachother on to be b****, and we call eachother out for bad behaviour when marital problems are being discussed if we feel a sister is taking things too far. We usually try to suggest being nicer, try this, try that, come on - cook him something nice, put out tonight he’s worked hard etc.

I’ve had many a dinner with my friends of 30 years where I’ve supported a husband when my friend’s been mean. I don’t think I’d cheer a friend on to be nastier to her husband - even if it was warranted!! 

Think about it guys, he’s venting, reflecting on where he’s angry and is happy to accept a different take on things. This guy’s going to be ok. There are two people battling with small kids, why push him to be worse towards her?? Yes there are two people here who aren’t understanding eachother, not hearing eachother and complaining about eachother. Each of them wants to be heard. 

Isn’t there a better way??? Both their concerns are valid. Let’s be kinder? He’s trying to put forward a problem, he’s understandingly not being appreciated at home, while she’s wanting less bling and more time, and he’s going to be ok with the right support. 

OP, I think you’re both going to be ok. Come together and work together. ❤


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Luckylucky said:


> The other thing I want to say is that we women don’t jump in and cheer eachother on to be b****, and we call eachother out for bad behaviour when marital problems are being discussed if we feel a sister is taking things too far. We usually try to suggest being nicer, try this, try that, come on - cook him something nice, put out tonight he’s worked hard etc.
> 
> I’ve had many a dinner with my friends of 30 years where I’ve supported a husband when my friend’s been mean. I don’t think I’d cheer a friend on to be nastier to her husband - even if it was warranted!!
> 
> ...


She's not wanting less bling. She was complaining that her expensive car was used and not brand new. And this from a woman who goes on expensive vacations and has, and I quote, "thousands of dollars of expensive handbags". Yuck, all right.

And she was complaining because she had to clean a toilet?

SPARE ME.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

Regardless of whether OP has a point his letter to me comes off as he is just a bank account and he expects things based on that.

If you’re a bank then what’s special about you? If she plugs into a better bank that does get her the new G class AMG in blue (that is what I want my bank to get me) what are you bringing to the table?

The argument of I provide X, Y, and Z financial things and you should be happy with that doesn’t seem good to me.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Livvie said:


> She's not wanting less bling. She was complaining that her expensive car was used and not brand new. And this from a woman who goes on expensive vacations and has, and I quote, "thousands of dollars of expensive handbags". Yuck, all right.
> 
> And she was complaining because she had to clean a toilet?
> 
> SPARE ME.


She is either a total *****, or something huge is missing here. He is the perfect father, helping at home, buying his wife expensive stuff and fab holidays and she doesn't have sex with him and always complaining about him? Why is she always complaining? I would just take the "presents" and shut up. It's not like she has to reward him with repulsive sex every day. Something is not right here.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

CatholicDad said:


> It’s a good goal with babies especially if they are at less than once per year now.


He’s at once a year and the only reasonable explanation. For that is she doesn’t want to have sex with Him at all. Once a week sex wasn’t my experience ever and I have three Kids. Not trying to be argumentative, all I’m saying is that what I see is the lacking of sex being evidence of the total lack of love. That’s the problem. The love is missing. Not the sex.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

In Absentia said:


> She is either a total biatch, or something huge is missing here. He is the perfect father, helping at home, buying his wife expensive stuff and fab holidays and she doesn't have sex with him and always complaining about him? Why is she always complaining? I would just take the "presents" and shut up. It's not like she has to reward him with repulsive sex every day. Something is not right here.


Many women are with men they want basically only for the financial benefits. If _they get away with_ not providing much of a relationship to their husband, some take it even further and entitlement grows huge. Hence the complaining. Seriously, complaining because she had to clean a toilet?


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Livvie said:


> Many women are with men they want basically only for the financial benefits. If _they get away with_ not providing much of a relationship to their husband, some take it even further and entitlement grows huge. Hence the complaining. Seriously, complaining because she had to clean a toilet?


Yes, of course... but if that's the truth, I find extraordinary that he is still with her... and made a baby with her 8 months ago, I guess in the only sex encounter of last year...


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

In Absentia said:


> Yes, of course... but if that's the truth, I find extraordinary that he is still with her... and made a baby with her 8 months ago, I guess in the only sex encounter of last year...


It’s hard for me to even conceive of that kind of relationship even though real world examples exist everywhere.

I think there probably are some couples where one partner wants to buy everything the other can think of and satisfy their every whim of consumption and the response is “love” but that seems completely alien to me. 👽


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## romantic_dreamer (Jun 15, 2021)

Jasonz said:


> If what I’ve been doing and what I’ve done for you means nothing, and nothing but money to you, please read.
> 
> I worked and saved up for 4 years for down payment and made payments for 3 years for your tiffany engagement ring.
> 
> ...


You provide a lot of material stuff for you wife. but it is not enough hand it is not what might be missing.

Do you really love her as a woman? Do you make love and romantic gesture to her? Do you kiss her, say how beautiful and sexy she is? Do you make love? You might be trying to "buy her out" but it is not enough to make her happy. You may shower her with all gifts in the world but if she does not feel loved and admired as a woman this is just "stuff" for her.

You say you do not want to hear complain. So if she did not complain you would be happy? So if woman does not complain this is really enough for a man to be happy?


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

ccpowerslave said:


> It’s hard for me to even conceive of that kind of relationship even though real world examples exist everywhere.
> 
> I think there probably are some couples where one partner wants to buy everything the other can think of and satisfy their every whim of consumption and the response is “love” but that seems completely alien to me. 👽


I smell a rat...


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Luckylucky said:


> Oh come on men, don’t make him meaner, he’s in a bind.
> 
> We’re not all gold-diggers and we do put our lives on hold to thanklessly hold the fort at home, and many of us don’t need the accolades or bling. Or even the thanks.


I don’t think women are all gold diggers. But I think there has been 50 years of women in this country that are being taught the man is expected to provide everything including nice vacations, new cars, dinners out regularly, fashion clothes for everyone in the family, gifts at every occasion, big “christmases for the kids”, etc etc. While young girls are taught to be princesses, that cooking something for the family is not acceptable since they aren’t to be a man’s “servant”, and cleaning the house is something beneath them. A “good man” is expected now to either do it all, or provide for a maid to come by twice a week along with all his other duties. 
All the sex stuff and giving the man sex enough— I don’t buy all of that. Most women WANT sex (in my experience, and I know mine may not be everyone’s, but I’m no super handsome dude and it’s never been a problem) and it’s something that happens regularly because you’re both enjoying it. It’s never been a chore for any relationship I’ve experienced. 

Last of all, I will say that few relationships are really all that balanced. One person is usually doing more (in a lot of cases FAR more) than the other. And this relationship of OP’s is way out of balance. I do believe it’s true that the one that loves least is the one with all the power in the relationship and OP is absolutely powerless because he clearly loves his wife more than she loves him. I don’t think she loves him at all based on his description. And I realize we are only hearing his perspective. But sex “once a year”..... that description if anywhere close to accurate, is pretty representative of the marriage as a whole, I suspect.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Evinrude58 said:


> But I think there has been 50 years of women in this country that are being taught the man is expected to provide everything


Taught by whom? Just out of curiosity.


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## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

The "industrial revolution" began the teaching process. Prior to then, men and women both worked at home. There may have been some divisions of responsibility, but the expectations were more equal.

Hollywood threw gasoline on the fire started by industrial revolution. HGTV and an entire entourage, Lifetime, etc...... provide us with daily female pornography to bolster unrealistic expectations of what "their" man "should" provide......

The feminist movement put the icing on the cake. Another master of euphemism convinced millions that being "superior" was actually only being "equal".....



Evinrude58 said:


> A “good man” is expected now to either do it all, or provide for a maid to come by twice a week along with all his other duties.


And, the "giant reset" is going to carry this even further. A man will then work far more to earn far less.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Hollywood.
Pageant moms
kids are indoctrinated constantly be the media.


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

Mr.Married said:


> That’s your female perspective and you have the right to it.


So you are saying I don't work 60 hours a week? Or that somehow my job is less than every man's job?

It's horseshit. This woman doesn't sound like she works. So this specific woman may not understand. But the women don't understand is crazy red pill ****.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Mr.Married said:


> That’s your female perspective and you have the right to it.


This is not 1930 or even 1950. It's 2021... time to wake up.

You are wrong. Men are not the only people who work their behinds off to support their spouses and children.

Today 70% of all married women work to help support their family. 50% of women earn as much or more than their husbands. 30% of women are unmarried and most of them support themselves, and children if they have them.

I ended up supporting my husband and children. Does that mean I chose to be a slave? Why is it "unending work" endured by men when they do this... but meh, nothing at all when women do it? By your way of thinking I'm just an entitled woman. 

And I know a LOT of women who did the same thing I did. Thank goodness today women can get degrees and work in good paying careers to support ourselves and our family.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

EleGirl said:


> This is not 1930 or even 1950. It's 2021... time to wake up.
> 
> You are wrong. Men are not the only people who work their behinds off to support their spouses and children.
> 
> ...


I thought we were discussing stay at home moms.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Evinrude58 said:


> I thought we were discussing stay at home moms.


No. We weren't. If you want to start a thread on SAHMs, go right ahead.


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## [email protected] (Jul 28, 2020)

CatholicDad said:


> Would you be happy with your sacrifices if you were at least having weekly sex? If so, I’d start there in talking to her. Throw away the letter. She may trump you with the “*I grew your child inside me and take care of him/her all day every day”.*


I do not see it right the sentence that I bold it up. Carrying a child in the womb can not be a sacrifice for a husband or a man . That is natural and the baby is still hers . I have great respect for my mom not because she carry me for 9 months in her womb but rather the ample love she gave me after birth.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

MattMatt said:


> No. We weren't. If you want to start a thread on SAHMs, go right ahead.


The whole thread started by OP is about his problem with his wife who is a stay at hone mom, having zero appreciation for his hard work. One of your own moderators changed the discussion to working mom’s. Yet I’m off topic?


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## Luckylucky (Dec 11, 2020)

So let’s get back to the OP, has any of this helped you get back to your wife and come to some understanding together of both of your frustrations and hurts and pain? 

Have you come away from this and been able to have a different sort of talk with your wife? 

I hope things are ok and you’re finding some time together with the kids.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Evinrude58 said:


> I thought we were discussing stay at home moms.


The post I replied to was making claims about all women.


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## manowar (Oct 3, 2020)

You voluntarily turned yourself into a butler and wallet. Dont blame her. You have been socially conditioned to view women a certain way and correspond accordingly with your weak behaviors. You have fallen into the Provider Trap.

You apparently dont know any better. A couple of books to shed a little light.

Rational male -- rollo tomassi; see videos.

the manipulated man -- ester villar. 

female psychology of the practical man -- joe south. Pay special attention to the Lover/Provider dichotomy. this is very common with married men.

the predatory female -- Rev. shannon. you may see your marriage described herein.


Good Luck!


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Evinrude58 said:


> Hollywood.
> Pageant moms
> kids are indoctrinated constantly be the media.


Wow! Is that what you can come up with?


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## abigailla (Jul 14, 2021)

Jason why are you still married to this woman who doesn't even seem to love you?


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## uwe.blab (May 2, 2019)

Jasonz said:


> If what I’ve been doing and what I’ve done for you means nothing, and nothing but money to you, please read.
> 
> I worked and saved up for 4 years for down payment and made payments for 3 years for your tiffany engagement ring.
> 
> ...


First world problems.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

In Absentia said:


> Wow! Is that what you can come up with?


Lots of good ladies in the world. Fewer in America now than in the past from my perspective. OP’s wife seems to be one of the duds to me. All I’m saying.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

My advice to you is to taper off on the material support and try providing more emotional support. Depending the age of your kids I think it's time for you to start discussing your wife using her education you paid for and get a job. 

So many stay at home spouses become entitled, it just becomes a parent child dynamic. It might have worked 50-60 years ago when women didn't have the options they do now but in today's world it just doesn't seem healthy.

Then she can earn her own money and she may appreciate the value of what you have provided for her, at least she will have some context.

It's important that you are a good man, not a nice guy. Good men are not content to be someone's wallet for very long.


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## Taxman (Dec 21, 2016)

Good client story. She was a handful. Entitled. Everything had to be her way. Til she had the affair. It was the newest shiniest thing. Too bad she forgot that we had a pre nup. Infidelity was a deal breaker. We got him into therapy, we advised against him even talking to her. Then, we heard his demands. They were to separate for six months. He would continue to pay the bills, but she was to find a job. She was told if she so much as looked at another guy, all bets were off. He would live as a single man for the six months. He would date, and live his life. At the end of six months, he would date his WW. Over the next six months they were to get closer and finally he would take her back if everything worked to his satisfaction. He took her out on their first date after six months. The entitlement came back the second she was free of him being single for six. Big. Freaking. Mistake. He was expecting grateful, and willing to build a new future together. After the main course arrived, and she had been spewing her crap, he said, I think that I am no longer willing to put up with your ****. Sorry, but I can't do another minute with you, let alone six months. For what? You have not improved. You are still affair material. Thought if you ate some **** for six months it would turn you into a human. I see no evidence of that. My lawyer will be in touch. She loses it. She says that she was promised his return if she stopped sleeping with her OM. Then realizes she said way too much. He says, "Thank you for you candor. Now please, never talk to me again."


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## manowar (Oct 3, 2020)

Why buy her a Mercedes. You should have bought a Bentley (PowderBlue is really nice). Fk you can afford it. While you of course drive the 1969 VW Beetle (lime green faded to that snot color) with no air and no radio. Rubber handle on the passenger dash.

After all you've done, now you expect reciprocation. You get up morning after morning for decades (rain, snow, sleet, - trudging out to work in support of princess and offspring. This is your destiny right. This is what they told you you were supposed to do. Heck - everyone does it so why even think about it. You are happy as FuK. Now you are having a conscious moment. A moment of awareness. It only took 25 years to question your existence.

How do you know whether you are a plowhorse? This is the term for men you are sent out into the fields providing for woman for decades. She has at least 50 pairs of shoes and takes up all the closet space leaving no room for your stuff. 

Here's the kicker. Many wives lose sexual attraction for their husbands. The wife doesn't want the husband near him. It grosses her out. Im not kidding man. It happens all the time. But the silver lining is they never get grossed out by the wallet and continued support. That always remains intact as if you had just been married.


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## MEA (Jul 12, 2021)

Mr.Married said:


> Listen .... I’m about to say something but don’t take it as I hate women... because I don’t.
> 
> A woman will NEVER understand the hard unending work that a man has to endure to provide for them. It’s just not part of their world. Female entitlement is just born, bred, and lived out by them.
> 
> ...


SOME women and SOME men will never understand the blood, sweat, tears, and labor behind every dollar. Not all, and not just women. There are plenty of men out there too looking for a free ride and not appreciating it if they get it. My ex was one.

Besides that clarification though, that was well said and along the lines of my own thoughts.
Your wife just sees you leave the house all day while she is stuck caring for the children and keeping house. Until she understands what goes into a fulltime job, she won’t appreciate your toil and sacrifice.

Maybe it’s time for her to find a job and put the little ones in preschool now that COVID-19 is waning? When she works fulltime as you do, then splitting chores can become a discussion. Until then, she is choosing mother and housekeeper as her fulltime job and your income allows that.

I agree with you that she needs to stop complaining.

As far as the ring, bags, and car… you shouldn’t be buying things that take years to save for like that - unless it’s real estate… or something else that grows in value with time.


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