# Did anyone on TAM settle for their partner?



## Illbehisfoolagain (May 7, 2012)

I am curious to know if anyone on here feels they 'settled' for their partner, or if you know/suspect that your partner settled for you? Thank you for your responses.


----------



## IrishGirlVA (Aug 27, 2012)

I know that I have settled for partners in the past. Both a husband and subsequent boyfriends. And I know of one that settled for me. Both are horrible feelings. I look back and think about how much time I lost and I wonder who I may have passed on by because I was in "settling mode". Makes me sad.... and mad. My man picker is broken, that's for sure. So right now I'm working through the issues as to why I have settled so much in the past. It's become a vicious cycle.


----------



## uraha (Jul 9, 2012)

W said she married me because she thought I was the best she could do...so I suppose you could say she settled.


----------



## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Nope.... didn't settle at all. Not sure if he settled for me though... will let him answer that.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

No. I always said to myself I wouldn't marry the first woman I slept with. I did that, I did not settle. 

Are/were there rare moments of doubt and what if's, yes. Those tend to end with me thinking how different my life would be without her, and it wouldn't be good.


----------



## grenville (Sep 21, 2011)

Illbehisfoolagain said:


> I am curious to know if anyone on here feels they 'settled' for their partner, or if you know/suspect that your partner settled for you? Thank you for your responses.


Yes. Biggest mistake of my life bar none.


----------



## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

Could have settle with many other women,
But my wife was in love with me, and I was in love with her.
We were always " just friends" before.


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

I'm stuck, but I'm glad that it's my wife that I'm stuck with, even though she drives me nuts at times. Still in love with her after all these years, and sometimes, I fall in love all over again and again with her. But, that's during the good times.


----------



## Illbehisfoolagain (May 7, 2012)

IrishGirlVA I so hear you on the broken man picker. Thats so funny how you put that, I am so going to use that!

uraha wow, that sounds kind of mean! If you don't mind, how in conversation did that come about? 

Charlie that is so sweet! 

grenville that sucks!! Are you still with that person?

RandomDude, are you stuck because you are in love? I would think that falling in love over and over again during the good times, is what keeps a relationship going? Its normal for feelings wane and wax right?


----------



## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

I'm with Gaia I didn't settle but I'm not sure if my husband did or not. He'd have to answer that. My personal thought is I don't think either of us settled. After 21 years we act like teenagers in love - just more tired now. LOL I adore him and even on days when I drive him crazy I think he still loves me.


----------



## oldgeezer (Sep 8, 2012)

I didn't, but my wife says she did. She got pregnant about 6-8 months into our relationship and we got married almost immediately. She told me that she didn't love me, but married me because I was a good guy and cared for her. That was a few months ago that she told me that - after being married 25 years. I don't know what to think of it. Her enthusiastically sleeping with me then goes against everything I thought then, and everything I think I know or knew about her since then. 

Yeah, not an easy thing to not think about.


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Heh I'm stuck because I've grown too interdependent on my wife nowadays and she with me. We've been together for so long now, and don't see life any other way. In the past we had some serious fights and some short seperations (days/weeks) with both of us slamming straight back into each other and once again fking our brains out.

In the end, it's not just the passion that we've kept alive I guess. We've been through ALOT together, both as a team, and as arch rivals!!! heh, guess when someone has been a part of so much in your life, for good and ill, it's kinda hard not to settle.


----------



## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

oldgeezer said:


> I didn't, but my wife says she did. She got pregnant about 6-8 months into our relationship and we got married almost immediately. She told me that she didn't love me, but married me because I was a good guy and cared for her. That was a few months ago that she told me that - after being married 25 years. I don't know what to think of it. Her enthusiastically sleeping with me then goes against everything I thought then, and everything I think I know or knew about her since then.
> 
> Yeah, not an easy thing to not think about.


That’s a seriously mean thing to say to you as to whether there’s truth in it or not. It sounds like passive/covert aggression, designed to wound you and cause you pain. Instead of wounding you with her fists, she’s doing it with psychology.



You need to get it sorted in one way or another. She sounds a psychologically aggressive and violent woman and needs to go on an anger management and processing course much like a physically aggressive and violent man would.


----------



## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Neither did me & my husband settle.... though he was more deeply in love with me -over how I felt in the beginning...he was there for me during my difficult teen yrs -in every way, showed me love like I never knew.... like a Prince coming in the night...he would have married me yrs earlier but I was not ready....Something in the back of my head worried I might regret only dating I person...so I broke up with him for a short time, gave his ring back (totally honest in every way ) leaving him with this saying .... "If you love something, let it go free, if it doesn't come back to you, it was never meant to be yours , if it does, Love it forever" .....because honestly I was confused, it was not that I didn't love him... 

...So I shortly dated another..... always remembering my Grandmothers words to "play the field" a little before I settle down & marry....

I knew I had to have this sorted out in my head &







....so after that little experience.....it was like the Heavens opened and I knew that I knew that I knew ....HE was what I wanted, I missed my Best friend, He was my "meant to be"...a "peace" came flooding in, all questioning behind me....He was THE man, and for Life......then I threw myself into happily planning our Wedding. 

Neither of us have ever looked back since.


----------



## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

I settled the first time. It was a mess and I put up with way too much for 2 long years. I ended up leaving.

I did not settle the second time around. What a difference! I would never settle again or advise it. Why live life miserable? I'd rather be alone then living in an unhappy marriage anyday.


----------



## MrsOldNews (Feb 22, 2012)

I did unfortunately. I come from a traditional family as far as morals and values are concerned. So when my stbxh got me pregnant at 25 years old. I married him because it was the right thing to do. I now realize how stupid it was to get married just because I was pregnant, unfortunately it's a bit too late to do anything about that now.

Sad story for me and stbxh. However unfortunate our situation was, he wouldn't be labeled my stbxh if he didn't cheat on me.


----------



## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

I'm not the sort of person to settle for things, because life's too short to not have dreams, values and goals in place. I met my current partner late in life. I'd been divorced for over 25 years and he'd never been married. We hit it off from the very beginning and, whilst everything isn't completely perfect (what relationship is?), we enjoy every minute we're together and he's my favourite person


----------



## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

MrsOldNews said:


> I did unfortunately. I come from a traditional family as far as morals and values are concerned. So when my stbxh got me pregnant at 25 years old. I married him because it was the right thing to do. I now realize how stupid it was to get married just because I was pregnant, unfortunately it's a bit too late to do anything about that now.
> 
> Sad story for me and stbxh. However unfortunate our situation was, he wouldn't be labeled my stbxh if he didn't cheat on me.


Same thing happened here the first time(I was 19). I was pregnant, so I thought the right thing to do was marry that fool. His own mother warned me and I didn't listen. His brother was the same way. I left 2 years later. About 5 years after that I met my husband and we've been married 12 years. I would of left my ex even if he didn't cheat. He's also very abusive towards all women.:/


----------



## uraha (Jul 9, 2012)

Illbehisfoolagain said:


> uraha wow, that sounds kind of mean! If you don't mind, how in conversation did that come about?


She said it in a moment of low self-confidence, several years ago.

She's since said, on a number of occasions, that she doesn't think she deserves much anyway.


----------



## Racer (Sep 24, 2009)

Settle? Nope.... Selected for all the wrong reasons because I was young and horny... Yes!


----------



## Illbehisfoolagain (May 7, 2012)

Inlovewithmyhubby dang! You know its bad when their own mother is warning you! 

So in general, those of you who have cruel partners who say they settled for you, it sounds like there wasn't any real signs or symptoms, except them verbalizing it at some point?


----------



## Illbehisfoolagain (May 7, 2012)

Inlovewithmyhubby dang! You know its bad when their own mother is warning you! 

So in general, those of you who have cruel partners who say they settled for you, it sounds like there wasn't any real signs or symptoms, except them verbalizing it at some point?


----------



## trinidadchick (Oct 24, 2012)

BIG TIME. We liked the idea of each other but not each other. That doesn't mean you're compatible at all. He THINKS I'm what he needs...no no no. Big, Big, Big, mistake to do that crap unless you can love very functionally.


----------



## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

When I married I was simply naive. But I almost settled out of loneliness. He was nice to me, brought flowers all of the time, earned a decent salary, owned his home and had lots of great handy man skills. But at some point I realized I was an amusement not a serious relationship to him. And then I realized, he was, too! And I ended it.


----------



## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

my self esteem is pretty good these days but still not good enough to determine whether or not I settled for my exes...I always think people settle for me,unhealthy,but i'm working on that


----------



## trinidadchick (Oct 24, 2012)

EnjoliWoman said:


> When I married I was simply naive. But I almost settled out of loneliness. He was nice to me, brought flowers all of the time, earned a decent salary, owned his home and had lots of great handy man skills. But at some point I realized I was an amusement not a serious relationship to him. And then I realized, he was, too! And I ended it.[/QU
> 
> yeah...i think my ex husband would do quite fine with a simple, hardworking, country girl. somehow i never fit into his family's equation or his, really. but on paper we looked great.


----------



## dianejewel (Oct 12, 2012)

My husband has not come right out and said the exact words that he settled, but it is a very overwhelming feeling in my heart. Him and I before getting married were always off and on and back and forth but always friends. Then he came up for a deployment and the topic of marriage came up. I have always felt since we were kids that I was going to marry him one day, so this was a no second thought issue for me. After he came back we have had some issues and I have caught him talking to other girls in the past, but around three years of marriage he made the comment that he married me because he in case he didn't make it home from his deployment he wanted to make sure that me and my daughter (from previous relationship) got his life insurance money. So now I constantly feel that because things didn't go the way he thought and he did make it back, that now he regrets ever being married to me. That if it wasn't for his deployment, he would never have wanted to marry me. He also says though he wanted to be able to marry his bestfriend which is another reason he married me but I still can't get that out of my head. And often wonder if that is why I have caught him talking to other girls. But yet he doesn't want a divorce. Confuses me. I would rather him to never have told me that.


----------



## The Cro-Magnon (Sep 30, 2012)

SimplyAmorous said:


> Neither did me & my husband settle.... though he was more deeply in love with me -over how I felt in the beginning...he was there for me during my difficult teen yrs -in every way, showed me love like I never knew.... like a Prince coming in the night...he would have married me yrs earlier but I was not ready....Something in the back of my head worried I might regret only dating I person...so I broke up with him for a short time, gave his ring back (totally honest in every way ) leaving him with this saying .... "If you love something, let it go free, if it doesn't come back to you, it was never meant to be yours , if it does, Love it forever" .....because honestly I was confused, it was not that I didn't love him...
> 
> ...So I shortly dated another..... always remembering my Grandmothers words to "play the field" a little before I settle down & marry....
> 
> ...


My god, I think I am going to be sick.

And that is "love" is it?

female hypergamy reigns supreme....


----------



## Gunthar (Sep 2, 2012)

My first wife died and I was left with 2 young boys to raise alone with no family (all my relatives are out of state).

Shortly thereafter I met a nice woman who helped me in many ways. I did feel alone and was stressed over work and the kids. She helped me greatly with my boys. She also did not have anyone so we began spending significant time together.......PRESTO! Wife #2.

Should I have waited much longer to decide whether to marry again? Yes 

Did I settle? I guess you could call it that as I latched onto the first woman who showed me attention.

Oh well.......live and learn.


----------



## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

SpurnedLonelyHusband said:


> My god, I think I am going to be sick.
> 
> And that is "love" is it?
> 
> female hypergamy reigns supreme....


I am not sure what you mean, can you explain... why does what I say make you sick.. I was being honest in how it played out in my early years ...is everyone so sure of themselves when we are young, wasn't it a good thing I questioned...(the time was short lived)... I don't understand your reaction of irritation ....Most people recommend not marrying the 1st person you date... I needed to sort things out in my head, I have no regrets I did that .. before I married.. I feel that was wise... and for the record... I never slept with anyone but my husband in this life. 

I am still shaky on this hypergamy thing, I see this word mentioned a lot on this forum & no matter how many times I look it up, it escapes me...I am not grasping it's meaning.









I found this


> How to Alleviate Suffering From Female Hypergamy
> 
> The first time I heard the phrase *female hypergamy*, my mind went straight to a visual of a pair of ginormous cankles.
> 
> ...


Now if you are even thinking I came back to my husband cause he made more $$, boy are you ever off.... the other dude made $$, he was more outgoing & popular as well, he also wanted me... but he wasn't right for me. My husband can say many things about me, but marrying for higher social status was surely not one of them. 

I still am not even sure the point of his article even after reading some of it -what the hell is "female hypergamy" and how was I an example of it ??


----------



## trinidadchick (Oct 24, 2012)

Hey Dianejewel, 

How old is your honey?! That's a long time to know someone(since you were a child) and maybe he was thinking rationally. Sometimes you don't need a certain kind of 'love' to make something work. Did you settle for him? Maybe you did! Now the talking to the other girls I don't get. Just talking to em, or talking to em...lol?


----------



## trinidadchick (Oct 24, 2012)

Gunthar said:


> My first wife died and I was left with 2 young boys to raise alone with no family (all my relatives are out of state).
> 
> Shortly thereafter I met a nice woman who helped me in many ways. I did feel alone and was stressed over work and the kids. She helped me greatly with my boys. She also did not have anyone so we began spending significant time together.......PRESTO! Wife #2.
> 
> ...


So, which part did you "settle" for? not attracted to her, no connection?


----------



## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Truth be known, I know for a fact that I "settled" in both of my marital situations. And after the hard lessons that have resultingly occurred from them, I cannot and will not allow myself to ever go through that again!


----------



## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

I'm not sure that settle for my wife or vise versa would be how I would characterize our marriage of 18 years. I never grew up with the image of "love" in the way so many describe here. My basic physical needs were met growing up but I never had any emotional experience from my parents. For the first three decades of my life I had a desire to seek love but never found it. During some of that time I fulfilled every sexual fantasy devoid of emotion (seeking love)  This is a message to parents... Please teach your children well and teach them that love and respect are nearly synonymous terms.

When I met my now wife she was different and over the course of time literally learned love from her and with the help of some therapy. So I would say that my wife did more than settle she dealt more in martyrdom. And, I on the other hand could not have asked for more. I found the love of my life. A woman who I have the strongest emotional connection to that a man could ever hope for. And, two sons who I love beyond all measure. I have said it before and I will say it again, I would give up my life for her and my sons. I certainly did NOT settle.


----------



## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

drerio said:


> I'm not sure that settle for my wife or vise versa would be how I would characterize out marriage of 18 years. I never grew up with the image of "love" in the way so many describe here. My basic physical needs were met growing up but I never had any emotional experience from my parents. For the first three decades of my life I had a desire to seek love but never found it. During some of that time I fulfilled every sexual fantasy devoid of emotion (seeking love)  This is a message to parents... Please teach your children well and teach them that love and respect are nearly synonymous terms.
> 
> When I met my now wife she was different and over the course of time literally learned love from her and with the help of some therapy. So I would say that my wife did more than settle she dealt more in martyrdom. And, I one the other hand could not have asked for more. I found the love of my life. A woman who I have the strongest emotional connection to that a man could ever hope for. And, two sons who I love beyond all measure. I have said it before and I will say it again, I would give up my life for her and my sons. I certainly did NOT settle.


I love stories like yours :smthumbup: ... just goes to show that the FAITH of one partner, their determination to work through the hurts of another's past ..and bare with them...it can lead to a beautiful place with happy endings..... I can relate to this in a measure.. my husband was not a martyr & I never needed therapy... his love was enough -his standing by my side.... but still I don't believe I knew what Love really was... dysfunctional family in my teen yrs...I had some anger issues back then....

The other night... me & husband had a an emotionally mushy couple hours... dug out my teen journal, found some old love letters -from me, from him...I started reading some of this aloud..... OMG........my attitude.... bossy little opinionated wench - then others I came off as this clingy emotionally vulnerable girl....insecurity detected in much of my writings..... ..... I was caught between laughing hysterically & feeling ... wow, how in the world did He ever put up with me [email protected]#$%^ ..... then I would find one where I was pouring out my







in how good he was to me/ how I loved him, needed him ... I think we were both a little messed up (he was the shy guy who sucked with women & I wanted to believe in real love).... so together.... we fulfilled something in the other and built something beautiful over these years.

I will always say my husband has been the "Wind Beneath my wings", along with the words of Because You Loved Me  ..... I know you feel that way about your wife.. I can tell by your words here.


----------



## OldGirl (Feb 20, 2012)

SimplyAmorous said:


> I am not sure what you mean, can you explain... *why does what I say make you sick*.. I was being honest in how it played out in my early years ...is everyone so sure of themselves when we are young, wasn't it a good thing I questioned...(the time was short lived)...* I don't understand your reaction of irritation* ....Most people recommend not marrying the 1st person you date... I needed to sort things out in my head, I have no regrets I did that .. before I married.. I feel that was wise... and for the record... I never slept with anyone but my husband in this life. QUOTE]
> 
> 
> You didn't say anything wrong, SA. A little mushy maybe, but it wouldn't be a Simply Amorous post if it didn't have some romantic mush in it  I think he's irritated because he's a spurned lonely husband.


----------



## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

OldGirl said:


> You didn't say anything wrong, SA. A little mushy maybe, but it wouldn't be a Simply Amorous post if it didn't have some romantic mush in it  I think he's irritated because he's a spurned lonely husband.


Hey, you are right about that, aren't you- I'm a mush fest at times ! But really, I like to hear from those who take a critical view, for whatever reason, helps me learn & grow. Maybe someday I'll be able to use "Hypergamy" in a post and actually know what the heck I am talking about.


----------



## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

SpurnedLonelyHusband said:


> My god, I think I am going to be sick.
> 
> And that is "love" is it?
> 
> female hypergamy reigns supreme....


You know, I think that this is an example of how "hypergamy" is supposed to work in a healthy woman during courtship.

Why would it make you sick? SA was wise enough to recognize that marriage was a real committment, and she recognized that she was young and not fully equipped to jump into marriage. She felt she lacked a certain confidence and took steps to sort through it all BEFORE tying the knot.

And it was real love because her H was willing to let her come around to her feelings, and she did and embraced him when she came around to making a decision.

Atleast that is how the romantic in me sees it... If there was no love there, she would have married him right away then had to cope with uncertainty and nagging curiosity after having made vows. If her H had no love he wouldn't have waited and instead would have left her in anger. 

I suspect you are looking at the situation as being about self respect, that no self respecting man would put up with that kind of flakiness, and no committed woman would be so cruel to use men like that... Within a marriage I agree that would be true, which is what the importance of marriage and vows is about. But in dating different rules apply, so understanding hypergamy is a beneficial skill for a single man to have, or else he is relying on blind luck.


----------



## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

> *Lon said:* You know, I think that this is an example of how "hypergamy" is supposed to work in a healthy woman during courtship.
> 
> SA was wise enough to recognize that marriage was a real committment, and she recognized that she was young and not fully equipped to jump into marriage. She felt she lacked a certain confidence and took steps to sort through it all BEFORE tying the knot.
> 
> ...


Oh Lon... . the romantic in you "gets it" for what it was .... agree with you on this part too >> " But in dating different rules apply, so understanding hypergamy is a beneficial skill for a single man to have". 

We have a 15 yr old, same girlfriend a full year now...THEY ARE SO YOUNG!!! I tell him... if she starts having doubts ... this is all cool in dating...*even expected*..... it is almost a right of passage for there to be a break up to date another ...we are all struggling to learn who are , what we want, who works for us - and this needs done BEFORE marriage. 

All of us should sort out our feelings, every corner of our crusty soul.....before we jump / commit ... this has always been MY way..... I will call every motivation into question...I may not even like what I find & I'll still be honest about it !! ....the







can be SELFISH at times... but we must remain true to ourselves .... or It has the potential to hurt not only us but many others. 

I could never tie myself to someone that didn't "do it" for me - I'd be miserable in every sense. Some things you just know, no matter your age. Or we should know. 

I looked up Hypergamy on Wikapedia >>


> *Hypergamy* (colloquially referred to as "marrying up") is the act or practice of seeking a spouse of higher looks, socioeconomic, caste or status than oneself.[1]
> The term is often used more specifically in reference to a perceived tendency among human cultures for females to seek or be encouraged to pursue male suitors that are higher status than themselves, which often manifests itself as being attracted to men who are comparatively older, wealthier or otherwise more privileged than themselves.


By this definition....I hardly fit a hypergamist , for instance... 

*1.* I have NEVER been attracted to older men...going gray, balding & a declining sex drive -would not make this woman happy...like at all. I like to stay within 5 yrs of my own age, or I would be disturbed & him preferably younger -if I had a choice - to keep up with me. 

*2.* Wealth.. .I care more about TIME and ROMANCE over wealth... and Physical attraction too... I've never been a materialistic woman ...but a must to live within our means & also country living. 

*3.* I do not believe Social status is what defines a Man - but his *Character* - . I never seeked higher in a guy. I had 2 Professional men who tried to win me from my BF/husband before I married. I worked as a secretary for one... it wasn't what mattered to me. I knew had I married one of them, I would be tempted to be with the Hot gardner , or maybe even his good looking son closer to my age...sounds bad I suppose... but Love & compatibilty was what I needed... not social status & $$ to fulfill me.


----------



## Thinkitthrough (Sep 5, 2012)

I have just been dignosed with asperger's syndrome and only then did I become interested in the feelings. I didn't really know what people meant by it. I have been married for 36 years to the same woman, I have only had sex with one woman and I have never had any kind of affair. I don't really know what love feels like, but I have some idea how to act like it. When my wife had a PA I accepted it and took her back. She left me for a year to live with an OM while I raised our son, and when he dumped her, I took her back. In 2004 we separated again and while separated she slept with seven different men. When she was left alone, I took her back.
She developed fibromyalga in 1982, and we went to a dozen doctors before we had a diagnosis. She had a collapse in 1984 and was fired. I supported her through 7 years of a law suit, she has been a stay at home ever since. Our marriage has been sexless for nearly 20 years, in part because I have no idea how to interest her in loving. When I mention it we fight, she tells me I can't please her, don't know how to make love and come early. 
I don't feel much about it, to be honest I don't know how to feel much about it. 
Did I settle, or did she?


----------



## Thinkitthrough (Sep 5, 2012)

BTW thats how I ended up on this forum. I was asking the question, how does it feel?


----------



## Gunthar (Sep 2, 2012)

trinidadchick said:


> So, which part did you "settle" for? not attracted to her, no connection?


Attraction- 6 out of 10 (not bad but definitely not smoking)

No connection? Had connection on the mental and physical side. What I did not pick up on was her NPD traits that came into full view after we got married.


----------



## bubbly girl (Oct 11, 2011)

Nope. I didn't settle at all. I thought he was an absolute prize back when I married him and I still feel like the luckiest girl to have him for a husband all these years later.


----------



## Adex (Aug 1, 2012)

For my previous exgfs, after awhile I wasn't attracted to them anymore and didn't care to have sex with them. I always thought if I had married either of them I would have settled.

That's why I looked for a wife I was strongly attracted to physically. Having been married 4 years, I still am very attracted to my wife.

Settling for a spouse is the biggest mistake anyone can make in their life.


----------



## cloudwithleggs (Oct 13, 2011)

I did settle for two men that i wasn't really physically attracted too, i wont do it again.

I do find it extremely difficult to find any man attractive, it is not only physical but personality.


----------



## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

SpurnedLonelyHusband said:


> My god, I think I am going to be sick.
> 
> And that is "love" is it?
> 
> female hypergamy reigns supreme....



I call it making sure that you're making the right decision.


----------



## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

I now understand where *SpurnedLonelyHusband *is coming from- with his comments - he is just speaking out of his experiences...as so many of us do in a moment ... I read his latest thread http://talkaboutmarriage.com/sex-marriage/57106-virtually-no-sex-wife-inscrutable-despair.html ... he said over & over how he has lost faith in all women. He has been played a very cruel game by his wife - I feel terribly for him  ...he is getting support here to get his balls back & doing the 180 on her... I so wish him success !


----------



## gbrad (Jul 20, 2010)

Yes. I settled for what I thought was all I could get at the time. I was at a point in my life where I had to make a decision and I went with what I thought was the best thing at the time.


----------



## Lyris (Mar 29, 2012)

Not at all. I felt, and feel, that I won the husband jackpot.

My wedding day was, to use a cliche, was the happiest day of my life to that point. When i look at the photos of my wedding, i look incandescent with joy. Only the births of my daughters have matched my wedding day. 

And SA, I think you were really wise to do what you did. My husband and I fell in love at 18, but didn't marry until 30!


----------



## back2whoiwas (Oct 22, 2012)

This is to SimplyAmorous: I am SO glad to hear that you were successful in marrying your childhood sweetheart (although, I don't think you were too much of a child). :smthumbup: I ALWAYS love hearing those stories. To me, it's the most sweet, romantic, tender and beautiful thing to experience (I imagine). 

And to oldgeezer: I feel so sad that your wife doesn't know happiness thankfulness. She should be glad that you didn't abuse her OR your child(ren) in ANY kind of un-imagineable way. If she thought that she could do better than YOU, she has another thing coming!

Last, but not least to: IrishGirlVA: I like how you said that your "man picker is broken." That's how I've felt about myself for many years. :scratchhead: For sure, it was broken (for me) or else I would not have made the biggest mistake of my life!! 

As for myself, I did settle for someone that I thought loved me. I didn't even give it a long enough time to get to know him. And that's exactly what he was hoping for. He was seeking a type of security without even wanting 'papers.' He's also a compulsive liar, is controlling and is emotionally and verbally abusive at times. We have been so-called married for 4 going on five years now. In a negative way, it feels longer than that. Normally that's supposed to be a good thing. There were several normal, healthy, loving-by-nature individuals that I just passed by. I'm trying not to be bitter  about it; I suppose it's rather hard to not be, at times.


----------



## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Welcome to TAM Back2whoIwas  ... I like your name & may you find this very soon ...some things are like a journey back home. It takes more than a click of our shoes like Dorthy in the Wizard of Oz... 

This is a great community to gather all the best in how relationships work..and how they slowly crawl to a death spiral..... Also to learn so much of ourselves... 

I am good for throwing online "tests" out there on occasion..Reading here will help you with what to seek in a GOOD man...what never to compromise- for love... learning just the type that will be compatible FOR YOU - to fulfill who you are , what you want out of this life...

Understanding of ourselves & what we need , not settling... is powerful...this can help us pick up & move on - when we know it just isn't right...after some soul searching.


----------

