# Help



## Marci (Sep 8, 2009)

I tried to do everything right. Over the years, I worked at being a better person, a better wife. I maintained myself, didn't flirt around or cheat. I tried to pay attention to us amidst the chaos of children, career, and housework. It was so good for so long, but here I sit on the brink of 40 with man who loves me and for some reason wants to touch me but who feels no throb in his groin for me, not even a pulse. 
I thought we could talk through it, evaluate it, fix it because we have always been a problem solving family. But what's the solution to touching your husband's penis and nothing whatsoever happens? Not once or twice but repeatedly for months. At this point, after 9 months, do we just need to accept that there is nothing physically there? 
He says he loves me and I believe him but I want (and am pretty sure 'need') more than words.
It's not a physical issue. He can arouse himself. He seems confused by it all too. He says he's embarrassed. He says he does want me and he isn't repulsed by me but the facts show otherwise. So, assuming we both want it why isn't it happening? I didn't see this coming at all and I don't know how to fix it.


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## dobo (Jun 30, 2009)

Is there a lot of masturbation and porn involved?


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

if the answer to dobo's question is no, assuming nothing extramarrital, he should seek the advice of a physician. while i have never been through it, i am sure there are ways to help. there is a large pharmaceutical industry based around his problem


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## Marci (Sep 8, 2009)

At this point I would guess there is alot of masturbation involved. How can he be surviving without it? He denies that he is seeing anyone or that he wants to see anyone else.
Would he need to see a physician even though the problem appears to only be with me? He can have an erection, up until he moves to penetrate me and then it disappears.


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## arlington wife (Sep 8, 2009)

I think that impotence comes in various forms and that it's a combination of physical and psychological factors. If he's willing to try to "make it better," it does seem as though his first step should be to see a medical doctor, just to rule out any physical issues, if nothing else.


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

Marci said:


> At this point I would guess there is alot of masturbation involved. How can he be surviving without it? He denies that he is seeing anyone or that he wants to see anyone else.
> Would he need to see a physician even though the problem appears to only be with me? He can have an erection, up until he moves to penetrate me and then it disappears.



i wouldnt assume that. i have gone long periods of time without sex (different reasons) and didnt do that.


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## dobo (Jun 30, 2009)

He shouldn't be satisfying himself. If he actually wants things to improve with the two of you, he's got to make you his only outlet.


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

dobo said:


> He shouldn't be satisfying himself. If he actually wants things to improve with the two of you, he's got to make you his only outlet.


yep..................:iagree:

when I first read of the problems here I was thinking he was watching too much porn.


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## lola_b (Aug 28, 2009)

I'm no expert...but maybe he is having physical problems and is embarassed and doesn't want you to see or be around when it happens because he might feel like he is failing his wife. Sometimes a wife can put a lot of pressure on a man (unintentionally of course) and he might be thinking too much to do the deed. How do you react if he's done before you or you never get to fully climax? Do you become frustrated and cold to him? He says there's nothing wrong with you physically, so maybe it's the mental state that you may create. There are sex therapists out there, if it's something he wants to help with he should be willing to at least give it a shot. It might seem embarassing at first, but talking about it is what these doctors do for a living and have heard it all!


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