# Soon I will be saying good bye to seperation and Hi to reconsilation!!



## blueskies30 (Jan 27, 2010)

So I'm soon going to be saying good bye to seperation/divorce section and Hello to reconsilation. My Husband is moving back in!!! He is starting the process of moving back in this week. He works Tues, wed, and thursday so hes going to be completly moved back in this weekend.

Its been a long road of ups and downs, but through this time I have found what was the problem in my marriage. Most on my part was listening to other people and letting other people make me not trust, afraid and beleive things were worse than they really were. Also pouring my time and energy into other things and even though I wanted to be there for my husband, I was not. I also relized that my mothers extreme fear and anxiety over things in the world were also having an effect on me. I never had any fun because of my fears.

I am now going to have fun and I'm going to do things I normqally would not do. Even though I am afraid of hieghts and roller coaster type things, I'm going to trust in my partner and have fun!!!

My husband has relized what in the marriage he was doing wrong as well. I am now the most important person, I'm first and my husband is 1st for me as well. My husband tells me what he needs so I now don't have to guess what he wants. Before it was silence and boredom on both our parts. We are now eachothers best friend and the trust is there almost fully. More trust will come once we are living together again. The marraige work is not going to end just because hes moving back in. 

my husband has admitted that he did not do everything right. Hes admitted he had an anger problem. Hes been working hard on his anger issues sicne being seperated. It was my choice to seperate, but of course I don't like how everything went down...seepration needed to happen though because without it we would not have come this far.

We both go to IC sessions about twice per month which we were doing before. My Husband is now on 2 medications to help him deal with stress. 

I'm going to get on a mediactions to help me as well. A mood stabilizer, anxiety medication and possibly a panic attack medicine. Even without our marriage issues we have 3 special needs children and I know that medication can help me be a happier person.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Good for you!! I sure hope everything works out well for both of you.

I highly suggest you take a look at the books in my signature block for building a passionate marriage. You both deserve one with each other!!!

Keep us posted!


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

What do you think brought him around?


----------



## blueskies30 (Jan 27, 2010)

My husband has been living with his parents and I think they have been pushing him a bit. WE started building the relationship and trust back slowly. He was wanting to do family things together with all of our kids. We had been texting daily since like November and then it got tot he point of texting a tun more. Then the holidays came. His mom said that I was not going to stay home alone(my family sort of deserted me for deciding to reconsile) So Thanksgiving I spend the night with him at his parents for several days. Then Xmas I spent last Thursday to today with him. Within a few hours of him leaving our house he text and said "Gosh I miss talking to u & relaxing with u & holding u already"

HIs parents are very very helpful with our kids, but can be pushy and over bearing, but we are thankful they are there to help. We spent as much time together as possible this xmas weekend....all his choice!!! I'm so happy and I know he is very happy too. 

We both relized what we needed to do to make this marriage work. We both worked hard on it and brought good and change into the marraige. We were already in bankrupcy, but had not completed all the stressful paperwork. So we eliminated as much stress as we could. That also meant a big decision of giving our house up, but it will be good for us. 

My husband works very hard at his job. He works out in the COLD Colorado weather. Gets up at 3-4 am to gt to work by 6am and starts work at 6:30. His work day does not get over until 4:30, but he won't get out of security check points until 4:45-5pm and then won't be home until 6pm or a bit after 6pm. So when hes not working we need to have as much fun as we can have.

We are cruise people. We have booked a cruise leaving in on March 25th. I'm so looking forward to gettign ready for this cruise!! This is our xmas gift to eachother!! We are already planning another cruise for 2013 where we will bring our kids for the 1st time, but his paretns are also going to be coming on the cruise as well. My husband says his parents stateroom need to be far away from ours so they can't have a chance of hearing us at night,LOL!!


----------



## blueskies30 (Jan 27, 2010)

Oh one more thing that I left out:

He took me to a jewely store in the mall before xmas and told me that he wanted to purchase a new wedding ring for me if we are going to have a new start. My current one will go in my jewelry box. We looked at rings for him too, but hes still not sure if he can ever get used to wearing one. hes afraid his hands will swell and he won't be able to get his ring off before work every day. He works in construction so its dangerous to wear a ring. I still am going to work on him wearing a ring because its so important to me. Even before the infedility that he chose to tell me about...I was just uncomfortable with me wearing a ring and him not. Plus its so sexy for a man to wear a ring. It looks weird in our couples pictures where I'm wearing a ring and he is not.


----------



## miscommunication (Oct 1, 2011)

I have known many in construction and other manual industries who faithfully wear wedding bands. If it truly is a safety issue have him wear it on a chain. If its important to you then he should take note of it and make a reasonable sacrifice to meet that need.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## blueskies30 (Jan 27, 2010)

miscommunication said:


> I have known many in construction and other manual industries who faithfully wear wedding bands. If it truly is a safety issue have him wear it on a chain. If its important to you then he should take note of it and make a reasonable sacrifice to meet that need.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I have thought of this too and will suggest it if need be. I'm also thinking of suggesting he try on several wedding bands and possibly pick a ring that is not titanium metal. 

This will also be an issue we will discuss in MC sessions as well.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Take a look at these..

Ceramic rings.. these are beautiful... Black Ceramic Wedding Bands

Also search on Amazon.com for "ceramic rings for men". They have a pretty big choice.

I read that even Zales carries ceramic rings.... So try asking at the jewelry stores.

Silicone ring -- Flexible, non-conductive wedding bands........ it's an... An inexpensive with a unique metallic pigment that closely mimics gold, silver, and copper! These are inexpensive .. $6. 

So he could have a real ring for social things and use this ring at work.

Safe Wedding Bands and Rings - Non Conductive, Flexible, and Heat Resistant - SafeRingz.com

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B001BZPN9G...-refURL=http://www.finishing.com/131/89.shtml


----------



## blueskies30 (Jan 27, 2010)

Thanks Eli

I will look into these!! Thanks!!


----------



## canguy66 (Dec 18, 2011)

Very happy for you! I know better than to hang on to hope that my upcoming separation might take a turn for the better in a few months, but it warms the heart to read your story.

It will be important to take the time and effort to make certain you maintain the gains you've both made, and not slide back into old habits. With good communication and less fear, I'm sure your marriage will be better than ever. Congrats.


----------



## blueskies30 (Jan 27, 2010)

canguy66 said:


> Very happy for you! I know better than to hang on to hope that my upcoming separation might take a turn for the better in a few months, but it warms the heart to read your story.
> 
> It will be important to take the time and effort to make certain you maintain the gains you've both made, and not slide back into old habits. With good communication and less fear, I'm sure your marriage will be better than ever. Congrats.


THANKS!! I agree with the good communication. Yesterday while my husband was here at our house I was queit, just becasue I didn't have anything to say and was relaxed with him. He wanted me to talk while he built the kids lego things. I'm so proud of my husband for communicating his needs to to me. He also let me know that he will need my encouragement and support soon because he is having to working saturdays which he does not like to do. He works m-f 50hrs per week and the job he is on is now going to require saturdays as well. I'm glad he let me know he wants me to support him and keep telling him how great of a provider he is.

It really has taken us a very very long time to get to this point though. I didn't think we would be at this point really. He pursued me in this after the cool off period was over. I had about 6 weeks of being extremely pissed at him for everything and thinking it was very very over. His one simple question in Oct "I have to know, Do you really want this divorce? Is this what you want?" This is what started all our conversation nad our love for eachother to build up again


----------



## This is me (May 4, 2011)

So good to hear a positive story here. All I have been hearing is the opposite lately and this is a very welcomed post. 

We made a few baby steps this weekend with a movie and she even workout at our house. 

How long were you seperated?


----------



## blueskies30 (Jan 27, 2010)

I'm glad that positive is good here as I was not sure it would be welcomed with so much negativity here. 

We have been seperated since the end of August and have been communicating since early October. I'm hoping that when he moves back we can continue the positives of our marriage. I know the long road is not over. Although I am going to love getting back into the schedule of things again. It may be hard to get used to the daily grind of cooking dinner and having it almost ready when he gets home from work. It gets hard to manage 3 active children with special needs and a tight schedule and have time for my husband when he gets home from work. He likes dinner to be ready soon after he gets home, but also likes me to have 20 minutes of me for him when hes taking his after work shower.


----------



## This is me (May 4, 2011)

You can do it. I wish you both the best. 

The part where you mentioned your family deserted you for the reconcile is something I got a small taste of yesterday. My family has been great, very supportive, but yesterday when she was over one of my siblings called and I got a brush off and quick ending phone call. I can understand to some degree that if we can repair things that our protective families may have a hard time with the reconciling inlaws, but it is still better than divorce in my eyes.

Again I wish you and your family well!!


----------



## blueskies30 (Jan 27, 2010)

This is me said:


> You can do it. I wish you both the best.
> 
> The part where you mentioned your family deserted you for the reconcile is something I got a small taste of yesterday. My family has been great, very supportive, but yesterday when she was over one of my siblings called and I got a brush off and quick ending phone call. I can understand to some degree that if we can repair things that our protective families may have a hard time with the reconciling inlaws, but it is still better than divorce in my eyes.
> 
> Again I wish you and your family well!!


Yes I know I can do and that my husband and I will have the best marriage that we have ever had because we have survived this seperation. I have always wanted that man to be the love of my life. He was with me all along, but he just didn't know how importnat expressing himself to me was. We didn't relize what each of our needs were. I really fell short of meeting his needs. I'm now meeting his needs and it feels great so far!! He needed to be my protector, he needed my trust, he needed me to express how proud I am of him, that he is a great father, a great provider, he needed me to have fun with him, he needed me to beleive in myself and spend time on myself. 

Now I have to beleive that once he moves back in he will be meeting my needs. He has already shown that he can have patience with our children, he can spend more time with our children, he can be the man of the house and fix the things in the house that go wrong, he can be my best friend.....now I can't wait to find out about the romance which lacked before our seperation.


----------



## insomnia255 (Dec 4, 2011)

I am really pleased for you. its great to see that your getting back together after a seperation.
i am going through a speration at the moment its been about 3-4 weeks. i am making positive changes in my life and i hope that my story will end like yours.
well done you should be proud of yourself


----------



## blueskies30 (Jan 27, 2010)

I'm so happy!!! Not too long ago before xmas I was actually worried about getting the wrong signals from my husband because he was sending signals like he was gettign closer to me, but the divorce was still going through. All the way to final orders court being set on 12/29....Today he told me he is calling his lawyer and stopping the divorce


----------



## MadAndConfused (Nov 24, 2011)

This is really good news BlueSkies! I have read all your posts and your story gives me strength to keep fighting for my marriage!

I thought that once I discovered his PA that everything was ruined, but seeing how many people have actually managed to reconcile gives me strength to continue!

Congratulations!


----------



## blueskies30 (Jan 27, 2010)

Thanks!! I hope it continues to be good news. My husband said he was going to stop the divorce and his lawyer was scheduled to call today to set up the final orders hearing date. I had unplugged my land line phone just in case my husband has not called to let the lawyer know. Wouldn't you know that I had a missed call on my cell from his lawyer a few minutes after the scheduled call on land line.

I text my husband if he had called the lawyer yet and he said he was calling today. 

My husband is a procrastinator about things always waiting until the last possible minute to get things done except fun things.

I can't be sure and more secure until I know for sure the lawyer is out of the picture.

Also will make me feel more secure when my husbands clothes and things are kept at home. He is supposed to move back in this weekend. 

But I have already put the movie channels back on our TV since he is coming home soon at his request


----------



## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

have you heard from your attorney yet?
im always suspicions about stuff like this and waiting until the last second.
hoping he didnt set you up to not show up at court so it was easier for him to get what he wanted.
some people can just be evil.
hope everything does work out for you and things are much better with the new start.


----------



## blueskies30 (Jan 27, 2010)

2nd_t!me iz_best said:


> have you heard from your attorney yet?
> im always suspicions about stuff like this and waiting until the last second.
> hoping he didnt set you up to not show up at court so it was easier for him to get what he wanted.
> some people can just be evil.
> hope everything does work out for you and things are much better with the new start.


 I agree. I'm a bit suspicous of his intentions as well, but I'm not showing him any fear or hesitation because I have learned my husband is very effected by my mood.

HIs attorney did call today, but I didn't speak to him sicne I unplugged the phone. I text my husband after his attorney called this morning to ask if he had called his attorney to let him know yet. He said he was planning on calling tomorrow. Today was just where the attorney sets up the court date. 

I'm going over to where my husband has been staying with his parents tomorrow morning to help him move back into our family home


----------



## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

blueskies30 said:


> I agree. I'm a bit suspicous of his intentions as well, but I'm not showing him any fear or hesitation because I have learned my husband is very effected by my mood.
> 
> HIs attorney did call today, but I didn't speak to him sicne I unplugged the phone. I text my husband after his attorney called this morning to ask if he had called his attorney to let him know yet. He said he was planning on calling tomorrow. Today was just where the attorney sets up the court date.
> 
> I'm going over to where my husband has been staying with his parents tomorrow morning to help him move back into our family home


good.
i wish you the best of luck.
wish i was in your present position now.


----------



## blueskies30 (Jan 27, 2010)

Took us a lot of time to get to this point. There is still fear on both sides. Hes afraid he will go back to his old self nad stop communicating and have his anger come up.

I'm afraid of things I don't know about his sexual incounter. I'm afraid of what I might find on his phone. I'm afriad of the girl contacting him again and contacting me too. 

I'm trying to keep the past in the past, but I'm afraid of the things and people I can not control. This woman clearly saw me as a threat. I still have the ugly messages that she sent me. Yes I was a threat...I am his wife!!! I hope she stays in the past

Its a good thing I have an appt with a doctor to get on mood stabilizer and anxeity medicine. I need something to help get past this in my life. I don't want to do anything to screw up this reconsilation.

My husband is moving back in today...I'm excited to be with him again in our home!!


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

So did you ever tell him about your affair?


----------



## blueskies30 (Jan 27, 2010)

Jellybeans said:


> So did you ever tell him about your affair?


He knows


----------

