# Here goes nothing..........



## Lostwouthim (Jun 17, 2012)

My husband and I have been together for 14 years, 8 married the other six living and owning a house together. I admit I have had depression that I was in denial about for at least the last 2 if not 3 years due to 3 miscarriages and other stressful moments with my career. He's says I've beat him down to a pile of dust blowing in the wind with my negative attitude and loss of hope. He's already moved on with the young lady that he started an EA on World of Warcraft with before telling me he wanted a divorce. He even went out of his way to give me a great birthday 2 weeks prior to telling me this. I just want to scream to him that I've been sick and want forgiveness, but in the back of my mind I need to keep telling myself he's already moved on- WE ARE OVER, what we had is gone. I mean I'm better than that right, I know I can be a better person who smiles and laughs again. I hold hope that there is someone out there for me that will appreciate who I am and who I'm going to be. Sorry, I'm rambling but it feels good.


----------



## our vision shattered (May 25, 2012)

Lostwouthim said:


> My husband and I have been together for 14 years, 8 married the other six living and owning a house together. I admit I have had depression that I was in denial about for at least the last 2 if not 3 years due to 3 miscarriages and other stressful moments with my career. He's says I've beat him down to a pile of dust blowing in the wind with my negative attitude and loss of hope. He's already moved on with the young lady that he started an EA on World of Warcraft with before telling me he wanted a divorce. He even went out of his way to give me a great birthday 2 weeks prior to telling me this. I just want to scream to him that I've been sick and want forgiveness, but in the back of my mind I need to keep telling myself he's already moved on- WE ARE OVER, what we had is gone. I mean I'm better than that right, I know I can be a better person who smiles and laughs again. I hold hope that there is someone out there for me that will appreciate who I am and who I'm going to be. Sorry, I'm rambling but it feels good.


Please ramble away, I know how good that feels, let it out, please don't keep it in. We are here to help, read our threads & learn, hang in there & time, sweet ole time, gotta give it plenty, for your inner peace & find a patience, it'll be a roller coaster your begging to get off of
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Lostwouthim (Jun 17, 2012)

He BAILED on ME! He didn't even give me a chance, after all that we've been through! I gave up my whole identity for him, now I don't even know who I am. I'm already scared that I may never find the man that really loves me unconditionally and eternally til death do us part, like this one was supposed to be.

I know that I NEED to take care of myself, but it's so hard. I can't eat, sleep if I'm lucky maybe 5 hrs and the rest of the day I am up! Thinking, always thinking " Why is this happening? How can I fix it?" when I shouldn't be thinking of anything but MYSELF and me getting better. 

I WILL smile & laugh again! 

And I will get in the best shape of my lifetime!

Thanks for the caring words OVS!


----------



## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Not sleeping, not eating, unable to think about anything else...it is just the most awful thing isn't it? We are here for you when you need to scream and yell, or cry yourself to sleep.

I can already see some good signs for you from what you have said. I do think it is likely that things are over, and you need to keep working on yourself. Sounds like you already have some goals in mind which is great! We are here to support you in making you the best you you can be


----------



## Lostwouthim (Jun 17, 2012)

Thank you both for making me genuinely SMILE!


----------



## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

Lostwouthim said:


> I WILL smile & laugh again!


:iagree::iagree:

This will happen for sure,take it from an old guy who has been there!


----------



## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Lostwouthim said:


> Thank you both for making me genuinely SMILE!


yeah, but you're the one who put the smile on your face  See? It'll all work out. It's going to be tough for sure, but you'll make it. How old are you?


----------



## Lostwouthim (Jun 17, 2012)

I just turned 35...............


----------



## Married in VA (Jan 6, 2012)

Lost,
Sorry you are here and for what you are going through. Affairs are awful and under your circumstances they are even more terrible.

However,
Spend some time to work on yourself and get yourself well. Your H is 100% to blame for his affair and the subsequent actions that have occurred since them. You, however, need to take a look at yourself and understand where you went wrong and what you need to fix about yourself. This will help you in your next relationship. Let your H go and move on. Best of luck here.


----------



## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Lostwouthim said:


> I just turned 35...............


So you are still very young and have plenty of time ahead of you. I am turning 40 in a few weeks, so we are pretty close to the same spot, I just need to keep reminding myself of the advice I just gave you.

The only thing that is going to help is time, and how you use it. I am not going to tell you to stop feeling awful or anything because that it part of the process. You have to feel that way for a while. You have to let go of the relationship that you once had.

You will find that things will get better day by day. The genuine smile you had last night, some of us are pretty good at helping people find those smiles, and those are the kinds of people you need right now.

Once you are at a point where you can start to look at things more objectively, really be honest with yourself and look at what your contributions were, both good and bad. Counselling can help with that, and can provide a good outside opinion, and help you to keep from lying to yourself.

You do understand that while the affair was 100% on him and NOT on you, that you both contributed to the end of your marriage right? This is not 100% on you either!

I have to go as I have to make some breakfast for the kiddies who are just getting up.

Do you have any children?


----------



## hunter411 (Jun 4, 2012)

Lost, first let me say Im sorry you are going through this. Its not an easy road. He had an affair and has made his decision. Its hard when you feel like there is nothing you can do about it. Nothing you say will make any difference at this point. I understand the pain you have been through during your marriage. That still does not justify an affair of any type EA or PA. Dont blame yourself, there are plenty of great men out there. Use this as a way to improve yourself. From every bad situation, something good will come out of it. Get some IC and heal you. Dont get down on yourself! It gets better. It just takes time. Stay positive and surround yourself with friends and family. Before no time, you will be turning heads.


----------



## Lostwouthim (Jun 17, 2012)

samyeagar said:


> So you are still very young and have plenty of time ahead of you. I am turning 40 in a few weeks, so we are pretty close to the same spot, I just need to keep reminding myself of the advice I just gave you.
> 
> The only thing that is going to help is time, and how you use it. I am not going to tell you to stop feeling awful or anything because that it part of the process. You have to feel that way for a while. You have to let go of the relationship that you once had.
> 
> ...


No, we had been trying for years but ended up losing 3 pregnancies, from 2009-2011. I am greatful that no little person is stuck in between us, we do have 3 cattle dogs and a cat though, so there will still be some visitation to work out. 
Thanks for your words, I have started IC I will be having my second session on Wednesday hopefully I won't be a blubbering mess like last time............ I was all over the place and probably didn't make any sense the first time. 
It's great that you have your kids to light up your life .
Right now I just feel lonely, I have given up all my friends but I am truly happy that I found this sight.


----------



## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

I'm glad you found this site too.  It is an amazing bit of support.

You may have given up your friends, but I bet they have not given up you. Reach out to them. It was amazing to me, the friends I had put aside for my marriage were all still there for me. They were able to see what I could not for all those years. 

I wouldn't worry too much about blubbering your way through another session. You are going through a lot right now, and it will take time to make sense of it all. Don't put too much pressure on yourself and don't expect too much of yourself. Everyone is different, and right now, you need to worry about you, and not anyone else.

Keep updating us on how you are doing, and anything you need help with, just ask ok?


----------



## amyw46 (Jun 21, 2012)

I so relate to what you are saying. I too was in denial about serious depression due to special needs teen, job loss, just alot of things. I truly believe that led to me pushing my H away. I wished so badly he couldve understood that, maybe given me a chance to try and finally get it under control. It hurts so much that I lost him over something not totally in my control. And there is nothing i can do. And to make matters worse, the depression is now worse than its ever been...just a viscious cycle..


----------

