# What says she needs time away.....what to do?



## docc (Apr 30, 2011)

Im 48 and she is 44, I worked 2 jobs for the last 7 years which made us grow apart and I wasnt there when she needed me.

Last weekend she left for Fri and Sat then came home Easter, last week she told me we feel like good friends but she has fallen out of love. Now she did the same this Fri and I'm sure she be back for my sons birthday Sun.

We just went Thursday and talked with the pastor and then friday she leaves again?

We both have individual counseling scheduled for next week.
What do I do ......I feel lost and overwhelmed.


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## Acorn (Dec 16, 2010)

Well, I would wonder if you weren't there for her, and she's doing overnights, maybe someone else is there for her now? Not the best thought, but something to consider. If that's true, you aren't going to get far if she's seeing someone else.

Best thing you can do is improve, work on you. Figure out how you can improve as a person. You can't control her but you can try to become as attractive as possible in her eyes to want her to be with you and try to restore the love.


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## docc (Apr 30, 2011)

Thanks.....She seems to want distance when at home, should I consider utilizing that Michelle Weiner Davis's divorce busting 180 degree list. Start being very positive about everything?


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

I've said it once, I'll say it again and again:
"I need space" is womanese for "I've met someone...".


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## Acorn (Dec 16, 2010)

docc said:


> Thanks.....She seems to want distance when at home, should I consider utilizing that Michelle Weiner Davis's divorce busting 180 degree list. Start being very positive about everything?


Yes, and also a little snooping might be in order too...


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## docc (Apr 30, 2011)

How do I approach this to stop....she still isn't home and I suspect there could be someone.


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## docc (Apr 30, 2011)

now what......she has an emotional friend.....i found a second cell phone


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## Powerbane (Nov 8, 2010)

Time to dig a little deeper. Find out who it is then expose it to everyone on your side her side the other mans side. 

Do a nuclear exposure. 

Cut back on work. Spend time with her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## docc (Apr 30, 2011)

i know how it is.....my wifes best friend died 3 months ago...it the husband


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## Powerbane (Nov 8, 2010)

Expose expose expose. 

This should kill it dead in it's tracks. 

Confront her when you have the evidence and she must agree to NC from this guy for life and full transparency. It's probably more than just an EA.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

hire a PI and get this all out in the open. Once you get some proof and expose it... things will change...for better or for worse still remain to be seen. 

But you have to get hard evidence, with out it she will just deny and string you along. 

So please quitely do some investigation so you know were you stand.

Proof is the most important thing. Showing them in black and white there inapropreate behavior sometime brings them to there senses...sometimes.

Sometimes if you get proof you can black mail the OM with out your wife even knowing you confronted OM. Especially if he's married. 

Again the main thing here is letting your wife know that there is a problem in the marraig and you know exactly whats going on and if she wants to work on it she has to stop all contact with OM.

See it's impossible to fix a marriage when there is someone else that is influencing the dynamics.


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## Powerbane (Nov 8, 2010)

The OM's wife is deceased according to OP. 3months ago. The OM wife was apparently the wife's best friend. 

Get the PI and hard proof.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## docc (Apr 30, 2011)

What does proof get me, now im sure she will really be sneaky.
She still gonna get half or more no matter what.
Hopefully i can remain calm and do a disillusionment.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Proof give you the power, with it she does all the damage control

When she starts to rewrite history and make you look like the bad guy, you can prove to your parents and hers...even the siblings and other friends and relitives that she has left the marraige b/c she a cheater.

Even with older kids like mine you can prevent her from leaving and telling them dad kicked me out. 

I hope the rest of the folks at TAM can help me with some of the reason to have proof.

Man, for days I heard the same old crap about there's nothing going on. then when I showed her the evidence, it pulled her head out of her but and realized what a tramp she had become.


Some thing about seeing it in black and white tells them something. Shows them the wrong that they are doing. That when they start to blame you, but at least there is no more dening.


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## Powerbane (Nov 8, 2010)

Depending on the state and if they allow adultery as grounds for divorce - she might not get half. 

The other reason for proof is if you want to have a chance at saving your marriage. The proof can be used to expose the fantasy land of your wife and the OM to everyone and anyone that matters. Who in their right mind is going to want to stick by these two? Sure his wife dies and now he goes after someone else's wife? Yeah - uh-huh. That's going to fly. 

Get over to Marriagebuliders and Affaircare for further knowledge on getting this stopped. 

Oh yeah - confront this OM and give him a piece of your mind. Take witnesses so he can't claim you threatened him. Disrupt this messy affair as much as possible.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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