# Keeping that dopamine flowing in long-term marriage..



## karma*girl

As a spin-off to another thread & in response to a comment Entropy made about dopamine keeping a marriage strong~
Specifically, what kinds of things can promote enough dopamine flow to really keep your spouse happily by your side..assuming the relationship is fairly solid?
Give me the dirty deets- I am open to (almost) everything! Thanks!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Nsweet

I can name a few things that release dopamine, but there are other important hormones at play you will also benefit from. I'll quickly go over dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin, epinephrine, norepinephrine, testosterone, and estrogen in a quick and dirty guide.

*Dopamine* is released from anything you find actively stimulating and pleasurable. Like an activity you can't put down more or less (TAM!!!!), it's an awake but feeling good high. 
Triggered by: Anything you can reward him with. It's not the action but the gratification. Also caffeine, chocolate, television, and SEX.

*Serotonin* is released to calm down the mind relax the body from stress and it's released during any relaxing activity and before sleep. It's a sleepy but feel good high.
Triggered by: carbohydrates during those lat night snackings, and cuddle time before bed. Also things like teas, the sent of lavender and vanilla, and quiet restful time before bed.

*Oxytocin* is the cuddle hormone and causes people to experience bonding and oneness feelings with one another. It's a "you are part of me" feeling. 
Triggered by: Hugs or embraces lasting 30 seconds or more, sex, kissing, handholding, etc. Also warm milk is said to release it as well as masturbation without ejaculation.

*Epinephrine* and *norepinephrine* are like twin excitable hormones. Nor acts like a neurotransmitter that excites the brain, and Epi gets the body ready for fight or flight, or sex. It's an exciting adrenaline junkie high. It's triggered by: Anger, anxiety, stress, too much caffeine, etc. It's good for getting you out of a tough spot quickly, and can work with other hormones for sex.

*Testosterone* is the male hormone active for sex drive in both sexes. It's comparable to epinephrine but is directly responsible for strength and sex drive. It makes you both horny and in the right doses will keep you both from getting pudgy. It's triggered by: Aggressive attitude and shared space with men, masturbation and frequent erections, strenuous physical activities, and diet. Also alternating periods of vegan and meat right diets have been shown to boost Test and sex drive tremendously.

*Estrogen* is the female hormone, the motherly regulator to testosterone's manly attitude and biological features. It both tames the beast and allows men to hold their children instead of killing them. In women it creates a sense of motherly duty and femininity. It's triggered by: Passive attitude and shared space with women, tears and the pheromone in them, cuddling and non sexual embraces, and certain relaxing scents. Also a more plant based diet not involving soy increases estrogen slightly. Though you should know both hormones Test and Est will regulate each other by means of homeostasis.

If this isn't enough, you can also take advantage of *pheromones *naturally by not overdoing it on the bodywash and hair care products. The pheromones will stay on your pillows, each other's t-shirts, and underwear. Have fun smelling each other's hair during hugs and sexual parts during foreplay and intercourse. Every once in a while trade him a pair of panties for a shirt you've each only worn a little while to enjoy each other when you aren't together.


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## SimplyAmorous

That is one informative Post Nsweet!!! :smthumbup:

I have my own personal stirring "Dopamine story"....threw me right into what I call my "sexual mid life crisis" & wanting to ravish my husband non stop. 

Coming off the heels of our last baby, an IUD, our oldest heading to College & my involement in a difficult fight to keep a prison out of our small town...I think I needed a new focus... 

So one night ... I stayed up scanning old photos .. (recently made one of these "Move Maker Videos" for son's Grad party).... so I devoted this one to just me & my husband....in celebration of all of our yrs together (at that time 19 married - 27 total) 

I picked a mushy gushy love song >>> Ronan Keating This I Promise You  ... when I played this thing back... 








...those stirring words... so many beautiful memories rushing past ......it was very emotional for me... the greatest yrs of my life......I sat there & just broke down.... thinking ......"OMG, where was my head... my husband looked so HOT back then! ....where did all these yrs go"...they slipped through our fingers like sand......I suddendly realized with a rush how I have been taking HIM for granted... taking "*US*' for granted.... .. I just wanted to go grab that young man, hold him tight and never let go...

It was just what I needed I guess to see what was right in front of me all along. Even my husband will say... it started THERE... 

He got up that morning for work - seeing I never went to sleep.. I was a bit of a mess, but a very thankful, even giddy mess... what was (missing each other more than we should have been) - wasn't gonna be anymore. ..... I couldn't leave him alone..... my dopamine was mightily stirred in the wee hours of that night. I'd say my Test levels went up pretty high too....they say dopamine + Test = a recipe for "addiction" ... He became my cocaine. God help him! 

Ha ha... Then we started having so much FUN, planning Romantic vacations, playing sex games, all the things I feel we missed (too busy with kids, projects, etc) ...we were DOING..... Got a little wild for a time, but don't regret any of it. It was like a steady high we kept reviving every single day...every night. 

And here I am 3 yrs later...still talking about it. I love being married.


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## lamaga

My H thrives on sex (natch) but also on lots of touch. Lots and lots of loving touching -- not sexual, just caresses. He never got that before.


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## LovesHerMan

Beautiful post, SA. What has worked for us is meeting each other's needs and good communication.

We are both words of affirmation and touch, so we are always aware of keeping the fires burning that way.

We make our marriage a priority, so that means we put each other before friends and hobbies. We respect each other. We never allowed our children to play one off against the other. We talk to each other with kindness, never use sarcasm or belittling language.

We have a passionate sex life, and that has helped us to overcome resentments. We bring out the best in each other. We tell each other how blessed we are to have built a life together.


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## karma*girl

Wow, thank you so much! I love the thorough info..VERY useful!! 
And SA, that was a story that I've been waiting for from you!
I've been wondering what exactly flipped the switch for you...so awesome! 
Hubby & I are coming up on 19 yrs. together, 16 married, so I'm always striving to learn what else I can do to keep the fires burning & dopamine flowing
I want my man for LIFE & for him to want me too..forever! (so far so good)
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SimplyAmorous

lovesherman said:


> We are both words of affirmation and touch, so we are always aware of keeping the fires burning that way.





> *lamaga said*: My H thrives on sex (natch) but also on lots of touch. Lots and lots of loving touching -- not sexual, just caresses. He never got that before.



Just from alot of reading & observing, I am thoroughly convinced that those who are Touch with Words and Time at the top of their Love Languages....make up the more intense "Hopeless Romantics" of our world..... when we are matched with another who feels the same -with the attraction still flowing ....you got a recipe for one happening & passionate marital ride ......we already have a head start with CRAVING the togetherness, touch & validating each other... 

Now I know why we think alike LovesHerMan. 

Urban Dictionary: hopeless romantic ...........







..........Hopeless Romantic Test




> *lovesherman said*: We talk to each other with kindness, never use sarcasm or belittling language.


 We are not THIS sweet, we both enjoy some sarcasm... when I get a little out of hand, mouthy (it is usually Playful...but I have my moments)....He has a unique way of getting me to :rofl: at myself... a great blessing to our marriage I am sure. 



> *karma*girl said *: Hubby & I are coming up on 19 yrs. together, 16 married, so I'm always striving to learn what else I can do to keep the fires burning & dopamine flowing
> I want my man for LIFE & for him to want me too..forever! (so far so good)


 That's wonderful Karma Girl - your husband is very blessed to have a wife is asking these questions -that striving to give your ALL.... to keep it *HOT* ! 

Here is a great book to re-vive some passion...to understand where this comes from...... 

Kosher Adultery: Seduce and Sin with Your Spouse ........ You'll learn:

** Create erotic desire in the mind
** Look at your spouse like a prowling suitor
** Increase desire & sinfulness through the use of erotic obstacles & barriers ...stuff like this.. I REALLY enjoyed this book ...it kinda opened my eyes to a different way of thinking -that helped me overcome some of my Good girl-ness of the past. (this book is written by a Rabbi but he did take some slack for some of his ideas)... 

It speaks against the DESTRUCTION of "complacency"...& what this too often brings.... We need some TENSION, some RAGING EMOTION, even a little jealousy can arouse passion.... back to our spouses. (some may not agree with the jealousy part, but I personally understand what he is getting at ..... It states this>>> 



> ... "When you TRUST that your spouse could never be erotically attracted to a stranger and could never be unfaithful, you start taking him or her for granted. Isn't this the #1 killer of marriage? Isn't growing bored and falling out of love the most lethal of all marital illnesses? Won't a relationship be doomed if a couple is complacent & smug to the point of not having to work at it anymore?


A fun sex game we enjoyed >> even if you don't use the board but keep the cards next to your bed...for new questions & spicy ideas -  Discover Your Lover Board Game 

I bet your husband would love if you picked up this book !  >> Passionista: The Empowered Woman's Guide to Pleasuring a Man


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## MAP

SA thank you for sharing your story. TAM and the many people on here can be so supportive and inspirational. 



SimplyAmorous said:


> That is one informative Post Nsweet!!! :smthumbup:
> 
> I have my own personal stirring "Dopamine story"....threw me right into what I call my "sexual mid life crisis" & wanting to ravish my husband non stop.
> 
> Coming off the heels of our last baby, an IUD, our oldest heading to College & my involement in a difficult fight to keep a prison out of our small town...I think I needed a new focus...
> 
> So one night ... I stayed up scanning old photos .. (recently made one of these "Move Maker Videos" for son's Grad party).... so I devoted this one to just me & my husband....in celebration of all of our yrs together (at that time 19 married - 27 total)
> 
> I picked a mushy gushy love song >>> Ronan Keating This I Promise You  ... when I played this thing back...
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> ...those stirring words... so many beautiful memories rushing past ......it was very emotional for me... the greatest yrs of my life......I sat there & just broke down.... thinking ......"OMG, where was my head... my husband looked so HOT back then! ....where did all these yrs go"...they slipped through our fingers like sand......I suddendly realized with a rush how I have been taking HIM for granted... taking "*US*' for granted.... .. I just wanted to go grab that young man, hold him tight and never let go...
> 
> It was just what I needed I guess to see what was right in front of me all along. Even my husband will say... it started THERE...
> 
> He got up that morning for work - seeing I never went to sleep.. I was a bit of a mess, but a very thankful, even giddy mess... what was (missing each other more than we should have been) - wasn't gonna be anymore. ..... I couldn't leave him alone..... my dopamine was mightily stirred in the wee hours of that night. I'd say my Test levels went up pretty high too....they say dopamine + Test = a recipe for "addiction" ... He became my cocaine. God help him!
> 
> Ha ha... Then we started having so much FUN, planning Romantic vacations, playing sex games, all the things I feel we missed (too busy with kids, projects, etc) ...we were DOING..... Got a little wild for a time, but don't regret any of it. It was like a steady high we kept reviving every single day...every night.
> 
> And here I am 3 yrs later...still talking about it. I love being married.


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## MEM2020

Somewhat intense conflict:
- Rough/unpredictable sex
- Wrestling (with just enough rules to minimize the chance of the need to make an ER visit)
Fear:
- Doing something new/scary - like rock climbing

Competing:
- For her competing at some sports fits - tennis cranks her dopamine levels







karma*girl said:


> As a spin-off to another thread & in response to a comment Entropy made about dopamine keeping a marriage strong~
> Specifically, what kinds of things can promote enough dopamine flow to really keep your spouse happily by your side..assuming the relationship is fairly solid?
> Give me the dirty deets- I am open to (almost) everything! Thanks!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


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