# Guys - Tell me what you learned



## Confused guy (Mar 8, 2011)

Gents ..I have posted here a few times and got some good feedback but only been talking to the ladies.. so wanted to get guys take on this... I am a husband of 5 yrs now.. got married at 21.. and was young , naive, and dint really understand the meaning of marriage and commitment.. as i grew I am starting to fele that I married the wrong girl and as nice as she is .. she aint the one for me... but cant break her heart as she is madely in love.. so my question is... how many of you out ther have had the the whatever year itch, lost the spark, got marrie dnot relaizing what you were doing.. etc.. i am looking for people who have had a change of heart with no real reason behind it... its just happened... so how did you guys cope with it.. if you left. was that a good desicion ?.. how did thins turn out... honeslty my problem today with her is that..physically i am not attracted to her and she too plain jane. style.. buit has a great heart.. someone who would never leave ur side.. in good times or bad...sounds shallow yes...but we all have a right to want what we like... .. so help me out.... where do I go from here


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

My wife divorced me after 18 years, so I don't always feel like the expert advice person, but since you are married and she seems to have great qualities, I would exhaust every effort to make sure she is or is not what you want; there are worse things than being "plain Jane." Who knows, you might be going through a phase and a few years down the road think, "why did I ever let that wonderful woman go?"

Someone else might be better at suggesting steps to make sure, but I wouldn't make any hasty decisions. Don't do like my x wife and drag it out for 18 years and then decide you can't take it anymore, but make sure you give it every opportunity to work. There must have been a reason why you married her in the first place, and you have nothing bad to say about her as a person.


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## nader (May 4, 2011)

Do you mean plain physically/sexually, or plain as in boring and no fun? Do you enjoy common interests and doing fun things together?

If you committed to the marriage you at least owe it to her to work through this issue before you check out completely. The other good qualities you mention are certainly nothing to take for granted.

ETA: My wife might be a little on the 'plain' side, but after what we've been through together, 'plain' is the last word I would use to describe her.


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## thinner (Feb 28, 2011)

I agree with sb and nader, my wife also divorced me after 18 years and 3 children later. Look for the best things in her and explore those. Work on things and try to make it work out. In the end, if it doesn't work out, at least you know you gave it your all.
thinner


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

You are indicating that you don't want to be married to this woman for 'no particular reason'.

Did you marry her for 'no particular reason'?

You owe her the truth. But YOU need to figure out exactly what that 'truth' is first.

Either way, be decisive. Be honest. Both with yourself, and with her. Commit to your marriage and love your wife, or end it, and let her find someone that will love her.


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

What do you do? First off, recognize that she isn't going to be "madly in love" with you forever if you side line her. The whole "being by your side" only works for dogs, not women. Secondly, you say she has a wonderful heart but you aren't attracted to her. Why did you marry her then? Because she is loyal? If that is the only reason you stay married, get a divorce because she will not be loyal forever. Neither will you.


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

At the very least, do NOT have children with her. Especially while you are sorting out your feelings and may part with her.

A round of marriage counseling could help too.

If you are truly done with her, you need to tell her in a way that is sensitive and respectful of what you two have shared.

Then divorce.


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## This is me (May 4, 2011)

Where did I read, that it is not that you married the wrong one, and if you move on to someone else you will likely find yourself in the same spot someday.

You can learn to love anyone, as commitment is what true love is really all about.


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

This is me said:


> Where did I read, that it is not that you married the wrong one, and if you move on to someone else you will likely find yourself in the same spot someday.
> 
> You can learn to love anyone, as commitment is what true love is really all about.


Personally, I agree with this. I still don't comprehend this "falling out of love" thing that i read about here. I believe people go through phases in life and relationships. The key is not to take action based on a feeling that may change at some point.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

This is me said:


> You can learn to love anyone, as commitment is what true love is really all about.


:iagree:


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