# Newly Separated - 7 Months in...



## Anomosh (Jan 12, 2021)

Just having a hard time dealing. SO my estranged keeps asking for money, even though I put a few dollars into a joint account. Family members on both sides advise me to not give her any money. How have others handled this?

Back story: She left me and our children, drained our joint checkings account as well as our joint savings account, has been with other men since June 1st and has moved to CA.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Others have gotten attorneys and divorced so that they are financially protected from their ex spouse and have rights to see their kids. You are really messing up if you haven’t seen an attorney, which you didn’t mention.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

She already stole your money -- if she needs more -- then SHE needs to earn it. WHY would you give her money"? Makes NO sense.
Please make sure the fact that she stole the checking/savings money.
When you divorce her, the lawyer will be able to use that to lessen any money you would have to give to her.
SHE left her kids? Wow. YOU need to document that again, make sure that YOU get primary custody, and then SHE will have to give YOU child support. 
Please get to a lawyer asap.


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## Anomosh (Jan 12, 2021)

I did speak with a Lawyer, but these have been question that are surfacing. Everything has been documented.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

Great -- so EASY answer to that question -- give her NOTHING. She left you holding the bag with your kids, moved away, is banging other guys, and stole all your money -- WHY would even CONSIDER helping her out now?
I know you probably still love her, but love yourself MORE. Love your kids MORE -- use any money you would have thought about giving her for a nice trip, or a nice dinner, or other fun activity with your kids.
She fired you from being a husband -- so you really have NO obligations to her.


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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

Anomosh said:


> Just having a hard time dealing. SO my estranged keeps asking for money, even though I put a few dollars into a joint account. Family members on both sides advise me to not give her any money. How have others handled this?
> 
> Back story: She left me and our children, drained our joint checkings account as well as our joint savings account, has been with other men since June 1st and has moved to CA.


The fact that HER family is saying to not give her money should be a major sign. Your responsibility is now to those kids, and keeping them safe and well. Under other circumstances, it might be proper to financially aid her. These aren't it.

Sent from my cp3705A using Tapatalk


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

No more money.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Anomosh said:


> Just having a hard time dealing. SO my estranged keeps asking for money, even though I put a few dollars into a joint account. Family members on both sides advise me to not give her any money. How have others handled this?
> 
> Back story: She left me and our children, drained our joint checkings account as well as our joint savings account, has been with other men since June 1st and has moved to CA.


What the hell is wrong with you? Do you also lie face down so she can wipe her damned shoes on your back?

Find your spine for God's sakes.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

I have no idea at all why you would think you should give her anything. She has made her decisions and she must live with the consequences.


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## shortbus (Jul 25, 2017)

She sounds like a real sweetheart. I think you should send her all of your money. Just so she has it easy.


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## hubbyintrubby (Jul 5, 2019)

Not another penny. Why would you even think to keep paying up? Yeesh.


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## GC1234 (Apr 15, 2020)

Don't give her anything. She can get a job, or she'll find another way to make ends meet. Or there's always a homeless shelter. Hard times.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Actions have consequences. She needs to learn to live with hers and that doesn’t include depending on you any longer. She’ll continue as long as you let her. Don’t.


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## Anomosh (Jan 12, 2021)

Thank you all! I appreciate the comments!


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## shortbus (Jul 25, 2017)

I truly hope that they sunk in.
I'm not sure where you're at, but in most cases, abandonment and moving to another state is a slam dunk for your, hopefully soon, divorce.
Good luck to you and your kids going forward.


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## Anomosh (Jan 12, 2021)

shortbus said:


> I truly hope that they sunk in.
> I'm not sure where you're at, but in most cases, abandonment and moving to another state is a slam dunk for your, hopefully soon, divorce.
> Good luck to you and your kids going forward.


 @shortbus Yes it did sink in quite deep! My Sis In-law was already in my ear with the same message!


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## shortbus (Jul 25, 2017)

Sister in law, as in, your wife's sister?
I'm sure she knows her better than you.
On a side note. When I was going thru divorce with my first wife. Her mother said to me, 'We sure are sorry Shortbus, we thought you'd be able to straighten her out'.
Unfortunately, the spouse is always the last to know.
Good luck, you should be able to push a divorce thru quickly with her gone.


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## Anomosh (Jan 12, 2021)

shortbus said:


> Sister in law, as in, your wife's sister?
> I'm sure she knows her better than you.
> On a side note. When I was going thru divorce with my first wife. Her mother said to me, 'We sure are sorry Shortbus, we thought you'd be able to straighten her out'.
> Unfortunately, the spouse is always the last to know.
> Good luck, you should be able to push a divorce thru quickly with her gone.


No no my Brothers' wife! As in Sis In-Law, not Sister In-Law!


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Help us understand what is going on in your mind that makes it even cross your mind to give her money after all she has done. 

Please explain your thought process to why you would even consider that so we can better understand why someone would think to do that and maybe we can better help those in similar situations who are considering subsidizing those who have abandoned them.


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## Anomosh (Jan 12, 2021)

@oldshirt ... Honestly, I'm just trying to do the right thing. I don't want any blow back when we go in front of the judge. Plus even though things are over, I still feel bad for her. I care for her only as the mother of our kids but truly cannot go back down that road. But.. in the same breath I can't keep doing what I've been doing, subsidizing, enabling, or providing her either. So I've turned to this message board as my secondary sounding board (first being my Sis In-Law) to make sure I'm not thinking incorrectly. As some one else has stated... 


Openminded said:


> Actions have consequences. She needs to learn to live with hers and that doesn’t include depending on you any longer.


So with that... I have typed up a letter that I will be sending pretty much stating the obvious, that I will no longer be funding her. 

Taking my spine back!


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

👍


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

Anomosh said:


> @oldshirt ... Honestly, I'm just trying to do the right thing. I don't want any blow back when we go in front of the judge. Plus even though things are over, I still feel bad for her. I care for her only as the mother of our kids but truly cannot go back down that road. But.. in the same breath I can't keep doing what I've been doing, subsidizing, enabling, or providing her either. So I've turned to this message board as my secondary sounding board (first being my Sis In-Law) to make sure I'm not thinking incorrectly. As some one else has stated...
> 
> So with that... I have typed up a letter that I will be sending pretty much stating the obvious, that I will no longer be funding her.
> 
> Taking my spine back!


I can't see how a judge would view you NOT paying her or sending her money as a bad thing considering SHE took all of your money when she left. You are doing the right thing by not continuing to enable her. She will now have to stand on her own.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Anomosh said:


> @oldshirt ... Honestly, I'm just trying to do the right thing. I don't want any blow back when we go in front of the judge. Plus even though things are over, I still feel bad for her. I care for her only as the mother of our kids but truly cannot go back down that road. But.. in the same breath I can't keep doing what I've been doing, subsidizing, enabling, or providing her either. So I've turned to this message board as my secondary sounding board (first being my Sis In-Law) to make sure I'm not thinking incorrectly. As some one else has stated...
> 
> So with that... I have typed up a letter that I will be sending pretty much stating the obvious, that I will no longer be funding her.
> 
> Taking my spine back!


Why do you need to put in the time and effort of writing to her?

You don’t need to mansplain anything to her. Just stop providing for her. 

Let your actions and Inactions speak.


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## Trident (May 23, 2018)

I don't get why you'd even ask the question in the first place?

The woman cheated on you with multiple guys, drained your joint bank accounts and abandoned you and your children.

Why would you even give her the time of day???


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