# My husband barely helps with anything... would it be wrong to leave him?



## Denise87 (Dec 20, 2020)

My husband and I got married 6 months after meeting. He didn’t have a job or his own place. He left to Germany for two months 6 months after we got married and promised to find work when he moved back. Once he got back he barely looked for work. He finally got a job because of a friend of mine. Due to Covid he was laid off but was getting unemployment. In our 3 years of marriage he has been very selfish, barely helps me around the house. If I don’t point out something for him to do he doesn’t do it. He also has two kids from a previous relationship that he pays child support for and that barely leaves him with any money. I bought us a bed and bed frame two months ago and it’s still in their boxes even though he’s home alllllll the time. I want to be with someone who can provide security and who knows how to be manly. Should I just leave?


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

*


Denise87 said:



Should I just leave?

Click to expand...

*I can do you one better - you never should have married the worthless bum in the first place. Talk about a damned parasite.

He brings *NOTHING* to the table. Do NOT get pregnant by this loser and do NOT invest in anything together. Get his name OFF your credit cards and open your own checking account. You need to seriously start separating your financials because a blood-sucker like this loser won't think twice about taking whatever he can get on his way out.

Get to a lawyer and find out exactly what a divorce in your situation will look like, so you can plan accordingly.

Once you have your ducks in a row, I'd kick his ass out the door so damned fast I'd have to FedEx his shadow to him the next day.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

What she ^ said.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Why are you with him?


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## Mr The Other (Feb 1, 2014)

Denise87 said:


> My husband and I got married 6 months after meeting. He didn’t have a job or his own place. He left to Germany for two months 6 months after we got married and promised to find work when he moved back. Once he got back he barely looked for work. He finally got a job because of a friend of mine. Due to Covid he was laid off but was getting unemployment. In our 3 years of marriage he has been very selfish, barely helps me around the house. If I don’t point out something for him to do he doesn’t do it. He also has two kids from a previous relationship that he pays child support for and that barely leaves him with any money. I bought us a bed and bed frame two months ago and it’s still in their boxes even though he’s home alllllll the time. I want to be with someone who can provide security and who knows how to be manly. Should I just leave?


This is weird. Why did you get married? Is he independently wealthy?


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

I’d divorce him so fast. You deserve better.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Why did you marry him knowing this?


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

Girl ...... he is a bum !!!!!


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Denise87 said:


> My husband and I got married 6 months after meeting. He didn’t have a job or his own place. He left to Germany for two months 6 months after we got married and promised to find work when he moved back. Once he got back he barely looked for work. He finally got a job because of a friend of mine. Due to Covid he was laid off but was getting unemployment. In our 3 years of marriage he has been very selfish, barely helps me around the house. If I don’t point out something for him to do he doesn’t do it. He also has two kids from a previous relationship that he pays child support for and that barely leaves him with any money. I bought us a bed and bed frame two months ago and it’s still in their boxes even though he’s home alllllll the time. I want to be with someone who can provide security and who knows how to be manly. Should I just leave?


Maybe you could get it annulled?

Sounds like he presented as a man but was a little boy looking for a mommy.

Boys shouldn't try and play with women and you definitely need to observe more before committing to make sure you have a man.

Get legal advice on how to get away from this poser without too much difficulty and move on.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> I can do you one better - you never should have married the worthless bum in the first place. Talk about a damned parasite.
> 
> He brings *NOTHING* to the table. Do NOT get pregnant by this loser and do NOT invest in anything together. Get his name OFF your credit cards and open your own checking account. You need to seriously start separating your financials because a blood-sucker like this loser won't think twice about taking whatever he can get on his way out.
> 
> ...


This is even better and more precise.

Do this OP.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

ConanHub said:


> Maybe you could get it annulled?
> 
> Sounds like he presented as a man but was a little boy looking for a mommy.
> 
> ...


Annulled is a perfect idea !!


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Denise87 said:


> My husband and I got married 6 months after meeting. He didn’t have a job or his own place. He left to Germany for two months 6 months after we got married and promised to find work when he moved back. Once he got back he barely looked for work. He finally got a job because of a friend of mine. Due to Covid he was laid off but was getting unemployment. In our 3 years of marriage he has been very selfish, barely helps me around the house. If I don’t point out something for him to do he doesn’t do it. He also has two kids from a previous relationship that he pays child support for and that barely leaves him with any money. I bought us a bed and bed frame two months ago and it’s still in their boxes even though he’s home alllllll the time. I want to be with someone who can provide security and who knows how to be manly. Should I just leave?


Did you not see all of this before marriage. He is good for nothing lout, sponging off you. Time to let him loose.


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## Denise87 (Dec 20, 2020)

I am responsible for ignoring ALL the red flags. He’s very affectionate but I feel he’s like that because there’s nothing else he can offer. When he had a job, all he would do was complain about how we didn’t have time together. I did tell him I wanted to end out marriage. I stated how I have no security with him and he barely does anything for me. (I had to go shovel my car out of the snow because he said I should have told him to do it)


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

After three years of marriage, an annulment may not be an option.

OP, you don't have a husband. You have a child.


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## GC1234 (Apr 15, 2020)

Denise87 said:


> My husband and I got married 6 months after meeting. He didn’t have a job or his own place. He left to Germany for two months 6 months after we got married and promised to find work when he moved back. Once he got back he barely looked for work. He finally got a job because of a friend of mine. Due to Covid he was laid off but was getting unemployment. In our 3 years of marriage he has been very selfish, barely helps me around the house. If I don’t point out something for him to do he doesn’t do it. He also has two kids from a previous relationship that he pays child support for and that barely leaves him with any money. I bought us a bed and bed frame two months ago and it’s still in their boxes even though he’s home alllllll the time. I want to be with someone who can provide security and who knows how to be manly. Should I just leave?


Is he still unemployed? Looks like he is using you for your money and willingness to put up with his nonsense. This is unacceptable, and I'd say him not having his stuff together before you married was a HUGE red flag. That's probably why he married you so quickly, so you wouldn't see him for what he really is. If you really want to work on it, tell him he has to find work. Have a timeline in your head (say a month) and if he does, great. If he doesn't, then you'll know it's time to leave him for good. Are you strong enough to set that boundary and leave if he doesn't actively look for work?


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## Denise87 (Dec 20, 2020)

GC1234 said:


> Is he still unemployed? Looks like he is using you for your money and willingness to put up with his nonsense. This is unacceptable, and I'd say him not having his stuff together before you married was a HUGE red flag. That's probably why he married you so quickly, so you wouldn't see him for what he really is. If you really want to work on it, tell him he has to find work. Have a timeline in your head (say a month) and if he does, great. If he doesn't, then you'll know it's time to leave him for good. Are you strong enough to set that boundary and leave if he doesn't actively look for work?


Back in October we separated to see if that would motivate him to find work. He had a few phone interviews but never followed up. When I ask him why he responds with “well they said they would get back to me”. I don’t think I would mind him not working if he actually did stuff in our home. But I have to nag for him to do anything. I work, and I’m so lucky my boss is super lenient, then when I come home everything is still the same way when I left. He doesn’t clean the bathroom, he doesn’t clean the kitchen, all he does is wash dishes once in a while. When I brought this up to him he says that I need to tell him to do these things but when I snap he tells me I treat him like a child.


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## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

Denise87 said:


> Back in October we separated to see if that would motivate him to find work. He had a few phone interviews but never followed up. When I ask him why he responds with “well they said they would get back to me”. I don’t think I would mind him not working if he actually did stuff in our home. But I have to nag for him to do anything. I work, and I’m so lucky my boss is super lenient, then when I come home everything is still the same way when I left. He doesn’t clean the bathroom, he doesn’t clean the kitchen, all he does is wash dishes once in a while. When I brought this up to him he says that I need to tell him to do these things but when I snap he tells me I treat him like a child.


When he gets upset and tells you you treat him like a child tell him to stop acting like one if he doesn't want to treated like on. He sounds like he's on the level of my 14 year old son, though my 14 year old son has a decent income.


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## GC1234 (Apr 15, 2020)

Denise87 said:


> Back in October we separated to see if that would motivate him to find work. He had a few phone interviews but never followed up. When I ask him why he responds with “well they said they would get back to me”. I don’t think I would mind him not working if he actually did stuff in our home. But I have to nag for him to do anything. I work, and I’m so lucky my boss is super lenient, then when I come home everything is still the same way when I left. He doesn’t clean the bathroom, he doesn’t clean the kitchen, all he does is wash dishes once in a while. When I brought this up to him he says that I need to tell him to do these things but when I snap he tells me I treat him like a child.


That's a huge turn off. I think he's going nowhere fast. So early into the marriage, I should think you'll find someone who has their stuff together.


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## Totally T (Dec 20, 2020)

I'm a man. Imho the above comments are sensible. The person were discussing is a lout. 

I enjoy making the household better. Not just by cleaning stuff and fixing things but by building as well. 

For the feminists reading this, men are often put upon to do stereotypically male things like fixing the car and doing house building and yard work. In 2020 I've found many men clueless distressingly so about even using basic tools.


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

WTF does fixing cars have to do with this conversation?

OP look you know that you shouldn't have to tell him to do basic stuff around the house. He is using that as an excuse.  does he game or watch porn all day? I mean come on you work he can do the basic stay at home stuff which is usually a lot of work.

If he can't you have to ask yourself do you really want to be his parent? You know you don't. 

And even if he found a job how is this going to work? He will work for probably a short time then be back on the couch. That isn't exactly any security either. 

Please don't have kids with this guy. Imagine working a full day and coming home to your house destroyed and everyone wanting to know what is for dinner and you having to wash dishes before you start cooking. That's what this guy is going to provide. Then you want want to leave because you have a child together. blah blah blah.

No amount of stalling or wishing is going to turn this guy in to a THOUGHTFUL adult. He may even one day get a job to keep you on the string but it won't make him less useless.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Please leave him before a accidental pregnancy happens in your bound to the bum for life. Have this one life. Don't waste it on someone like this. You'd be better off alone than that.


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## Angelap (Jan 3, 2021)

Denise87 said:


> My husband and I got married 6 months after meeting. He didn’t have a job or his own place. He left to Germany for two months 6 months after we got married and promised to find work when he moved back. Once he got back he barely looked for work. He finally got a job because of a friend of mine. Due to Covid he was laid off but was getting unemployment. In our 3 years of marriage he has been very selfish, barely helps me around the house. If I don’t point out something for him to do he doesn’t do it. He also has two kids from a previous relationship that he pays child support for and that barely leaves him with any money. I bought us a bed and bed frame two months ago and it’s still in their boxes even though he’s home alllllll the time. I want to be with someone who can provide security and who knows how to be manly. Should I just leave?


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