# Why do I feel cheated on?



## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

This is ridiculous because I read these threads and I know my situation is different from an EA or PA. But I found out after the wedding my h doesn't want me to masturbate, he got really mad when he found out and there wasn't porn involved. Also his libido continues to go downhill and I do sometimes do it because I feel like he's wrong. But my needs have not met and I have no time or opportunity away from him and I get mad that I'm being judged for something that is normal. Then I find out that only has he been turning me down, he's been jacking off. 
I feel betrayed. We started sex therapy and she got him to "let" me do it and we had sex more last week. I feel lied to, manipulated, betrayed and angry. 
And this doesn't fit into any category because I don't have a problem
with him doing it if he's giving me some. I don't mind porn, I've even suggested we go to strip clubs, which was a big turn off. And this is the thanks I get. I just don't know what to do.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

He is being selfish by denying you intimacy and demanding you remain celibate but to be honest I'd be rather uncomfortable thinking who my wife is masturbating over if there was no porn involved.


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

I don't think about anyone, if I fantasize it's about just someone I make up in my head or him.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

The therapist and I were trying to find out what his issue is with me doing it and I asked him if he was afraid I was thinking about someone else. The way he said no made me think it had never occurred to him. He says he feels like he's letting me down, but he's letting me down by not wanting me to be happy and then taking care of his own needs. I just don't get it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## donny64 (Apr 21, 2012)

People who are so controlling that they think they can or should be able to control if someone masturbates has a very real problem, IMO. What, should I ask for permission to scratch my azz too?

And I could really give a care less what my W masturbates to in her head. Personal fantasies are just that, and only a fool believes that he / she is the one in their head every single time. The "other man" or "other woman" may sometimes be fictional and unknown....other times maybe not. Who cares? As long as it "stays in the head" I could care less what my wife is doing in hers. It belongs to her, and other than being a good, stand up, honest man, supportive husband that treats her well, I have no "control" over what goes on in her head. 

You want to keep other men out of your wife's head? Treat her well and give her awesome sex.


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## donny64 (Apr 21, 2012)

diwali123 said:


> He says he feels like he's letting me down, but he's letting me down by not wanting me to be happy and then taking care of his own needs. I just don't get it.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


My own personal opinion, but my W masturbates fairly frequently from what I know of...once every day or three. I wouldn't want it any other way. The more good sex we have, the more she seems to masturbate. To me, it is a GOOD sign when it's not done out of sexual frustration.


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

I think most men who aren't stuck in the dark ages feel that way. I just had no idea. Everything else about him is open minded, kinky, and adventurous. I just don't get it. The therapist told him his assignment was to think about what his problem is with it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

"You want to keep other men out of your wife's head? Treat her well and give her awesome sex."
Honestly I have no one in particular bit part of me feels so betrayed I might as well just go out and get my needs met elsewhere. I wouldn't do that but it bothersome I haven't been married a year and things are so bad I'm already having thoughts about that.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Oh, Diwali -- a man that wants to control your masturbation? That is a scary, controlling man -- I don't care how open-minded you think he is in other areas. I would be very careful if I were you.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Is there a cultural thing, here, perhaps? I only ask due to your site name, and wondered if that might be a consideration?

Can't see why a husband would want to control his wife that way, but some cultures do have different ideas on these things, some not all that enlightened, sad to say.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Your H is a nut, I hear its easier for women to get off the more they rub one out. I hears it more of the physical stimulation then the visual...like guys are. So the more you rub one out the less work your H has to do b/c you are learning what it takes to O.

I know the more my with takes care of her self the less time I have to spend "down there". If she takes care of her self everyday then when I show up its a slam dunk on getting her O. If its been a week I can be at it for hours until she O.

Thats my $0.02


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

why is it ok for him to take care of himself but you cant? :scratchhead:

at least your willing to take care of him.

i see his as slighting you a lot because he will do himself but wont take care of your needs.

he is selfish and controlling.

tell him to fvck off, when he takes care of your needs along with his, you may consider slowing down a bit on taking care of yourself.


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## ScaredandUnsure (Nov 17, 2011)

Wow, just wow. So not only will he not allow you to masturbate, and turns you down, but he rubs one out! Oh the King of all Hypocrites lives in your home. Tell him too bad, so sad. When he stops playing pocket pool and attends to your needs, you'll consider not doing the same yourself as much, until then he has NO RIGHT to tell you what you can and cannot do with your girl bits. Tell him to STFU.


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

My husband was the exact same way.. I found out he was watching porn and whacking off a lot, After turning me down for sex.. Then he got pissed that I bought a toy because I didn't ask his permission to get one. F$%^ him.. I left him 3 months ago.. He can do what ever in the hell he wants now..


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

How old are you guys? This honestly doesn't sound good. I remember you thread from the other sub forum.

And like another poster asked, is this a cultural thing?


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