# How long is the pain?



## Amaris (5 mo ago)

I was married for 23 years, I am in the process of a divorce, at times i am happy, but at times i am so emotional, its only been 10 months, but he kept coming back and going by reaching out to me online, we have three kids, one is a young adult already, so two are left. But i have to deal with having to co-parent. Does the pain ever go away? How long does it take, anyone had a long relationship that ended in a affair that divorce happened? They have a new person now and who is pregnant, he is no longer with his affair. I have been forgiving him throughout our marriage, but i finally made the decision to leave him. But why does it still hurt this seperation I had to make, does it go away?


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

I spent 45 years with a cheater before I finally got out. As to how long, that depends. Everyone is different and it takes as long as it takes. Some recover very quickly. Others take a lot longer. I don’t know of a way to fast-forward through the pain, unfortunately. I kept a journal of things I needed to do and wanted to do and had to do. It helped me see progress along the way. One day you’ll wake up and feel nothing for him. Take it a day at a time (or an hour at a time — sometimes that was all I felt I could manage). You’ll get to the other side but it won’t likely be as soon as you’d like so be easy on yourself.


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## Amaris (5 mo ago)

Thank you.


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## 342693 (Mar 2, 2020)

Amaris said:


> I was married for 23 years, I am in the process of a divorce, at times i am happy, but at times i am so emotional, its only been 10 months, but he kept coming back and going by reaching out to me online, we have three kids, one is a young adult already, so two are left. But i have to deal with having to co-parent. Does the pain ever go away? How long does it take, anyone had a long relationship that ended in a affair that divorce happened? They have a new person now and who is pregnant, he is no longer with his affair. I have been forgiving him throughout our marriage, but i finally made the decision to leave him. But why does it still hurt this seperation I had to make, does it go away?


Severing all contact is the easiest way to heal. But you have kids, so you will have to see him occasionally. 

I know it's only been 10 months, but have you started putting yourself out there in the dating world? Okay if you haven't. But that's what helped me recover from her affair. I didn't date serious early on, but had coffee dates and found out there were good women out there and they found me attractive and desirable. Major boost to my shattered ego. Not saying rush to get in a serious relationship or sleep around either. But making new friends of the opposite sex will help take your mind off your ex and what he did to you. Best of luck!


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