# Thought this would kill me..... It DOES get better! :)



## Shelly29 (Oct 9, 2010)

So some of you know my story. H decided early Oct that he wanted no responsibility of marriage and wanted out....never saw it coming, was never given any real reason.....just one day to another. After 7 yrs of marriage he wakes up and is done. I thought I was going to die.... i didn't know if i would be sane anymore, how I was going to deal, cope, handle every day waking up alone....it was the worst day of my entire life and the 3 months that followed killed me.

January started off a bit better....the tears started to become less...my anxiety was less....i didnt miss him ( I was missing the life i used to have) Everyone would say, "it gets better with time" and I honestly thought...thats a bunch of crap.

BUT....you NEED to stay positive, be strong and be present....it DOES get better, just trust. Sometimes life is not fair... and you get the short end of the stick (like me) but you need to pick yourself up and say " I will not allow myself to get dragged down by you" We deserve better...we deserve the very best and we owe it to ourselves.

Life does get better... I am slowly getting to my happy state and i'm not officially divorced yet.... I am doing what I want to do....when I want to do it and living m life, enjoyg my best friends and family.

I even got my first tattoo!!! Its on my inside right wrist and it says "Serenity and Strength" because those words have made me a stronger and more present person in life. 

I wish everyone going through this hell.... the serenity and strength to be present and make it through this. You will all be fine in the end. 

-michelle-


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## denise1218 (Dec 24, 2010)

wish i could be as positive as you! even though i do not know you, i am happy for your happiness. i am in a similar situation and would not wish the situation on my worst enemy.


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## Shelly29 (Oct 9, 2010)

Sometimes you don't realize how strong you can really be until you become present and focus on yourself....I never thought in a million years this would be me, nor that I would be able to brave all this the way i did. Make small changes...be proactive to be positive.  Just try it.


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

:smthumbup:Yep, things are getting better on my end too. 

The focusing on yourself is the key. You can't change someone else to be what you want them to be but you can be the person you want to be!


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## CaliMomof3 (Jan 3, 2011)

Also here, things are improving. I think a big part of it was finally accepting that my life-long dream was never going to be. He wasn't the man I thought he was, he wasn't the father I thought he would be, he wasn't interested in being my life-partner. Sometimes the most painful element is letting go of the heart-felt desire, the dream, the innermost goal. Once you realize you never had it or never will again, it does make accepting circumstances and moving on easier. That was my biggest challenge. Accepting.

I wish you all the best!


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## bellringer (Aug 20, 2010)

It does get better. I was fine 2 weeks after my stbxh told me he wanted out, because I still had a son to take care of, And if husband wasnt happy then I figured I couldnt sit around feeling sorry for myself, I had a life to live with my son, I think because we continued to do the things we always did, like go on vacation with my family, go to amusement parks, beach ect it was easier for me to let him go. I kept so busy, we were never home to the point that stbx was *****ing we were never around. well to bad get used to it cause this is how our life will be from now on, he asked me for the divorce in january and we were on a plane to disney in may. had a blast. My stbx was very controlling, so now I find I have a ball when I go out, my sister and I are always out the nights he has our son, we dont get home till 4am sometimes and its so nice to not have to deal with someone *****ing. I am having so much fun. and because he is so controlling, he still gets pissed when he knows I am going out, I find when he picks son up and sees I am dressed to go out he calls for stupid stuff when he leaves, prob to see if i am really going out. 



a couple weeks ago my son slept at his friends on a saturday nite and stbx found out and he actually followed me to where I was going. I didnt find out till the next day when he said did you have fun at the casino, I said yup and its none of your business, see he had a gf when he left but now there not together anymore so he is back to trying ot control me. He calls all day long now and it helps me to think he is the one on the other end of this now, cause I dont care where he goes but apparently he cares where i go. Karma. when he calls I am the one who always has to say ok let me go or he sits on the phone silent for minutes. I dont even know where he lives and dont really care, he knows I am done mabey he has a little regret now. 



hopefully your stbx's will one day regret their choice and you can rub it in there faces as I am doing. I had my sister over last saturday for dinner I think he thought she was here to babysit while I went out, not that its any of his business, so he called my son at 6 then again at 6 past 6, then we were all playing and he calls again well son says mom I am busy I already talked to him I am not getting it, he proceded to call 14 times within the hour, my sister couldnt believe it, we never answered, he is a pain, he was told to call son twice a day, he did. so 8:30 he comes flying through the door screaming what the hell is going on. wow, he needs a life. I did mention this to my lawyer and she is going to have a talk with his, he has no right to do these things. I think he thought I would always be sitting home pining over him. suprise, your not worth it!!!


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## Shelly29 (Oct 9, 2010)

I'm real glad to hear the positive moving forward from everyone... most the time its hard and we just vent because we are hurting.... but this thread is proof that it will get better....Freak on a Leash is right... you HAVE to focus on yourself...its your life so make it what you want and accept that life changes.

Happy for you all too!


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## vivea (Jan 22, 2011)

Awesome thread .So happy to hear that people do get over it.I do think though that when there are no kids involved it's waaay easier.Kids make it hard because they are the link ,i always make sure to tell my kids good things about their father.I make sure they pick up the phone when he calls.If we do end up divorced i plan to always talk good about him.i know that if things are ugly between us it'll poison their lives...the last thing i want.


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## bellringer (Aug 20, 2010)

I think having my son made it easier for me, If I didnt have him I would have probably focused on stbx prob would have done all the begging, I know I have to be here for my son emotionally so it was actually easier for me. I would have neglected myself if I didnt have my son, I would never neglect my son. he is my world. I do have my son pick up the phone the 2 times he is supose to, my stbx is extream with the phone calls, really 14 times within an hour is crazy, my son can pick up the phone anytime he wants he thinks its to much also. I never bad mouth his father, I wish stbx would be in his ife more, he only takes him tuesdays and friday nite. were always pleasent to each other, I tried to be *****y to him before, it lasted a couple days, it was to exhausting to me, I am a happy person by nature, I listen to my married sister complain all the time about stupid things, I told my other sister I am happier than she is and she is married, I have alot more on my plate than she does, I said I would rather be happy and alone than misserable and married.


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## Shelly29 (Oct 9, 2010)

bellringer said:


> I think having my son made it easier for me, If I didnt have him I would have probably focused on stbx prob would have done all the begging, I know I have to be here for my son emotionally so it was actually easier for me. I would have neglected myself if I didnt have my son, I would never neglect my son. he is my world. I do have my son pick up the phone the 2 times he is supose to, my stbx is extream with the phone calls, really 14 times within an hour is crazy, my son can pick up the phone anytime he wants he thinks its to much also. I never bad mouth his father, I wish stbx would be in his ife more, he only takes him tuesdays and friday nite. were always pleasent to each other, I tried to be *****y to him before, it lasted a couple days, it was to exhausting to me, I am a happy person by nature, I listen to my married sister complain all the time about stupid things, I told my other sister I am happier than she is and she is married, I have alot more on my plate than she does, *I said I would rather be happy and alone than misserable and married.*


Amen!!!! Be Happy!


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## Shelly29 (Oct 9, 2010)

vivea said:


> Awesome thread .So happy to hear that people do get over it.I do think though that when there are no kids involved it's waaay easier.Kids make it hard because they are the link ,i always make sure to tell my kids good things about their father.I make sure they pick up the phone when he calls.If we do end up divorced i plan to always talk good about him.i know that if things are ugly between us it'll poison their lives...the last thing i want.


I think its very strong and big of you to do what you are doing with your kids.... sometimes the anger and issues between parents really can be thrown or shown to kids and its hard to put it aside and talk nice about the spouse when you are hurting....


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## hopemom (Dec 22, 2010)

But are some of you hoping that if you get stronger, go to counseling, take care of yourself, don't get angry during the separation, that maybe he will change his mind? Maybe I need to read some of the postings on the reconciliation blog. Every day he hasn't left the house is another day I think he might change his mind


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## Shelly29 (Oct 9, 2010)

Since the minute the words came out of his mouth " i want out" i knew he would never change his mind.... deep inside i had a glimmer of hope....thinking well maybe, i wanted to be wrong, i wanted him to say yeah i effed up and need counseling and want to change....BUT after all he said and how he made me feel...... i dont think I could ever fully trust again and so I do all these things for me....to make me better, to make me happy, to make me slowly heal and feel complete again. Its the hardest road to go down, and to go down it alone, but no one else is going to heal me....


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## Hopeful1 (Aug 31, 2010)

I appreciate this thread as I am feeling so alone right now. My husband is now definite in his decision to want a divorce, after first putting it out there in August, going through counseling with me (I "went through" counseling, he merely showed up to sessions), etc. I've been in limbo since August, have dropped 50lbs, and have been having a rough time coping with him here in the house with me, sleeping in bed next to me, and wavering between being nice/having fun as husband and wife, and being cold and distant. We finally talked directly about our future again within the past week where he made it clear that he does not love me, will never have any feelings toward me again and is excited to move on with his life.

I'm grieving. I'm certain now and have accepted that we are getting a divorce. But every part of my body aches. I can't sleep. I can't eat. I'm having a horrible time working and getting through the day. Everything I thought was stable is not. Everything I thought was sacred is not. And in addition to losing him, I'm losing my 12 year old stepson -- my child -- whom I've helped raise since he was 3 (we have joint custody). In a flash, my husband, my family, and the life that I've known -- everything I've known to be real -- is slipping through my hands like grains of sand.... and I can't do anything about it.

I hope to get to where you all are someday.


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## hopemom (Dec 22, 2010)

Ahh, Hopeful, we picked names using Hope for a reason, try to keep moving forward. Give yourself a chance to grieve your losses every day, but try not to make that the focus of the day.


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## Babyheart (Feb 9, 2011)

This was nice to read. My husband left me 2 weeks ago, we have been married for 10 years, have 3 children together. Our youngest has heart issues & has spend a lot of time in hospital which has been a huge financial & emotional strain on us. He said he didnt want to come home anymore. So he moved out - he works at an apartment complex so is living there now. 

Having a really hard time with it so was uplifting to see your post. Thanks!


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## Fido (Feb 9, 2011)

I can only agree with all of you. I kept busy the first few months and it hurt less. After about 3 months I moved on. I did meet a nice girl and we had a hot and heavy time together. It didn't last, but that was okay. 

However, my ex wants to come back now after over 9 months separate, but I have moved on. That's just how live goes. Now she has to deal with her decision ending this relationship. I can honestly say, I like her as friend, I will always help her if she needs it, but I will never be together with her. 

3 months of grieve are way good enough to get over someone and staying busy just speeds the healing process up.

Good luck to everyone here.


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## Shelly29 (Oct 9, 2010)

Hopeful1 said:


> I appreciate this thread as I am feeling so alone right now. My husband is now definite in his decision to want a divorce, after first putting it out there in August, going through counseling with me (I "went through" counseling, he merely showed up to sessions), etc. I've been in limbo since August, have dropped 50lbs, and have been having a rough time coping with him here in the house with me, sleeping in bed next to me, and wavering between being nice/having fun as husband and wife, and being cold and distant. We finally talked directly about our future again within the past week where he made it clear that he does not love me, will never have any feelings toward me again and is excited to move on with his life.
> 
> I'm grieving. I'm certain now and have accepted that we are getting a divorce. But every part of my body aches. I can't sleep. I can't eat. I'm having a horrible time working and getting through the day. Everything I thought was stable is not. Everything I thought was sacred is not. And in addition to losing him, I'm losing my 12 year old stepson -- my child -- whom I've helped raise since he was 3 (we have joint custody). In a flash, my husband, my family, and the life that I've known -- everything I've known to be real -- is slipping through my hands like grains of sand.... and I can't do anything about it.
> 
> I hope to get to where you all are someday.


We have all been in your exact same shoes.... although I dont have kids...i felt the exact pain of losing "or thought i was losing" my life.... my husband, my house, my routine, my confort zone and my best friend..... its a real shocker, like jumping into a freezing pool..... you go through anxiety, fear, panic, histerical crying... not sleeping or eating.... that is all normal and once in a blue moon i still get that way, but life DOES have a way of sorting itself out, you need to trust in that, and like your name says "Hope" have that positive outlook for yoruself....because you deserve this...if its not with the person you thought you were meant to be with..... then with the next person who will be even MORE better for you.  just stay strong...do this for you! You are worth it.


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## Shelly29 (Oct 9, 2010)

Babyheart said:


> This was nice to read. My husband left me 2 weeks ago, we have been married for 10 years, have 3 children together. Our youngest has heart issues & has spend a lot of time in hospital which has been a huge financial & emotional strain on us. He said he didnt want to come home anymore. So he moved out - he works at an apartment complex so is living there now.
> 
> Having a really hard time with it so was uplifting to see your post. Thanks!


People run because they are selfish and can't or don't want to confront the problem.... its a hard fact of life, but it shows who is stronger.... you have to keep being strong for your family, for your kids and especially for you.... you are the backbone for your kids and they look to you for the support, warmth, love and comfort of this bump in the road you guys are going through....how you handle this will greatly impact your kids.  a couple weeks is tough and it hurts and it sucks... and it might take several weeks more, but each day, you will cry less and smile more.


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

*awesome weekend!*

I spent a good deal with it with my daughter. We went shopping, had dinner together, watched a movie and I went out to a club to see another great band. Now I'm spending a relaxing Sunday at home. Will shop and then come home and play some computer games. Nice to have a nice, normal weekend after so many weeks of tumult. 

So it does get better.


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## remmons (Dec 20, 2010)

-michelle-

I feel that I am in the same boat as you are. It was painful at first, but it does get better, and easier. The pain is still there, I still cry at times, but I have become stronger. I have started to grow and live life again.

Staying positive is possibly the best tool to have. If I started to feel negative, then that is when things started to fall to crap. When I remain positive, I am happier, I can deal with the day, and the evenings.

My wife are separated, but she has not filed for divorce yet. I have not heard any news that she has started the process or not, so for the meantime, no news is good news.


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## Shelly29 (Oct 9, 2010)

remmons said:


> -michelle-
> 
> I feel that I am in the same boat as you are. It was painful at first, but it does get better, and easier. The pain is still there, I still cry at times, but I have become stronger. I have started to grow and live life again.
> 
> ...


You will have those negative days, i have had them on occasion and i freak out, start crying and cant stop....but its part of the healing process, sometimes i think to myself....why am i falling back into this negative cycle....but those cycles are getting fewer and fewer, so that means you are healing. Its the worst situation to be in, probably the worse days of my life....but when you come out on the other end, you will be 100 times stronger, much more knowledgeable, know who you are and what you want....you are put in this situation because you are strong enough to handle it and learn from it.  thats how i like to look at it.


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## bellringer (Aug 20, 2010)

I think the pain will always be there, Its like a death in the family,sometimes worse, the first 2 weeks killed me, I was so sick I vomited, I lost my parents when I was younger and it was the same pain all over again, but with death you dont see them anymore, with divorce there always there. It takes time and the sooner we move on and say, they dont deserve us the quicker we heal ourselves. 


I remember ex boyfriends when I was much younger and we broke up and I would chase them, ugg i would sit in their driveways crying, the pain went on forever, I didnt do that with stbxh I am just to old for that **** now, its to exhausting, I also have my son to take care of which is a god send. we all have to get out there and enjoy life, I know its hard, and as you get older there isnt much out there to do like there was when we were younger, I remember going to the club to go dancing with my friends a few months after stbx left, it was hard because as the clubs were great when i was young, there just not for me now. I did have fun dancing but I would stand there looking around at all the people and say to myself oh man here i am again, at 43 in a stupid club. but as I continued to do things with my friends I felt like hey if this is it then I can only make the best of it. It helped to get out and be with friends. I have a great family to, my sisters and I are very close so we go everywhere, all our children are around the same age so we were never home in the summer.



I find it funny how stbx wants to know what I do all the time and I dont care what hes doing, I dont even know where he lives and dont really care, yet even yesterday, I dropped my son at my sis in laws to play with her kids and told stbx he was going to be there if he wanted to talk to him, my sister in law said the first thing he asked my son was is mommy there with you, he said no she went shopping, I am pretty sure he thinks I am seeing someone, because I dont sit around pining for him and when he picks my son up I am always ready to go out. I think it bothers him, that he has no idea what I am doing where I go or who I go with. I asked him to take my son on march 5th he says ok why whats up, I said I have plans, I never tell him what i am doing, its none of his business. I am moving on and I am scared as he took care of me for 20 yrs but I know I will be fine.


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## cutecarrie09 (Feb 15, 2011)

It's kinda funny while I was reading this I was listening to a song called "Jar of Hearts" You may know it, if not you should try to listen to it. It seemed to fit your situation. It's a beautiful song. The words give me chills. I'm so glad you are feeling better after something so painful. You are very brave & strong. Good luck to you.


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## remmons (Dec 20, 2010)

> bellringer
> 
> I think the pain will always be there, Its like a death in the family


I sometimes feel as though that separation or divorce is like a death. There feels like a grieving that is happening. Am I wrong for thinking this? Or are they similar in emotional reaction to a loss?


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## bellringer (Aug 20, 2010)

I think sometimes divorce is harder than a death in the family, because in a death you know there is no hope of them ever returning so you have no choice but to move on, I was devastated when I lost my parents at such a young age, it is the hardest thing I ever went through, but I felt the same broken heart when my stbx left me. I still think of my parents every day, I have great memories but they are gone forever, losing a spouse to divorce you always wonder wil they have a change of heart, and sometimes people hold onto that for yrs and never move forward. I think losing my parents helped me become stronger, dont get me wrong it hurt when my stbx left but somehow I made it through. just like in time you move on after a death, you will move on after a divorce. Time is very powerful.


I remember one bf I was with, we got engaged, he ended up leaving me for someone else, got married, then a couple yrs later came back and wanted to go back with me cause it wasnt working with him and his wife, I couldnt do it, time went by and I got over him I was no longer in love with him.


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

bellringer said:


> we all have to get out there and enjoy life, I know its hard, and as you get older there isnt much out there to do like there was when we were younger, I remember going to the club to go dancing with my friends a few months after stbx left, it was hard because as the clubs were great when i was young, there just not for me now. I did have fun dancing but I would stand there looking around at all the people and say to myself oh man here i am again, at 43 in a stupid club.


Damn..:scratchhead:  That is just sad, really sad. You need to readjust. There's TONS of things to do! Age is just a state of mind! If you LIKE going out to a club and dancing then DO IT. I'm older than you and I go out to clubs and have a blast. Sure, I'm sure some people snicker and think "Isn't she a bit old for this?" but one nice thing about getting older is that you don't feel the need to impress others (or at least you shouldn't).

However, most people are doing just what I'm doing and having fun and seem to be as into dancing as I am. I was told by one girl last weekend that I was her "favorite person". Don't know why exactly. Maybe it's because I know the words to all the songs? :scratchhead:

Plus, I'm not alone. Saturday night I went to see a band that plays some older tunes (actually they played everything from the Beatles to Billy Joel to Violent Femmes and Eminem). The crowd was GREAT. People in their 50s/60s to their 20s. Everyone was partying. Loads of fun. 

So if you have friends, go out and shake a leg. If you don't want to, then don't. But don't say there's nothing to do. The trick is finding something that YOU like doing! Don't give up! 

Think about the things that you'd love to do. Things you always wanted to do and couldn't. Utilize the internet and find groups, clubs. Just do it!! 

One day you'll be 73 and THEN you can say you are getting old. Until then, no excuses!


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## bellringer (Aug 20, 2010)

I am by all means not bored with my life, I did the club thing, I just feel old when I am there cause all the people are in their 20s, I do plenty of things, we go to the local casino to watch the bands, were never home in the summer. I was making the point that we all need to get out and start living, I went to the club a few weeks after stbh left and standing there thinking about starting all over again just made me sick, my club days were the best days, when I was in my 20s, we went wed-sunday, still dont know how I went to work everyday, but they were great nights, I am just not that into them like i used to be, but believe me I am out every chance I get.


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

:smthumbup: Sounds good. As long as you are out and having fun, that's what counts. You don't have to do the same things you did 20 years ago to have fun. I know I don't. You grow, change and get new interests and move on. No need to pine over the "Glory Days" of Yesteryear. . Actually, I think I was reading more into what you were saying then what you were actually saying. 

Yeah, you have to pick your club/band carefully. I don't tend to go to the "DJ only" nights. I like live music and you tend to get a much more "mixed" crowd as a result. What club you go to matters too. I find that the clubs with a restaurant attached bring in a more varied club. I myself like to have dinner and then take in the band. 

Unfortunately we can't go back, only forward. I keep trying to come up with new and different things to do and plan for...makes life interesting.


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## bellringer (Aug 20, 2010)

While I have fun going out with my friends, I have just as much fun going out with my son, just seeing him have fun makes it all worth it. Last yr we came home to sleep, I am a stay at home mom and my sister in law is also so we went to every beach and park we could find, she also has 2 children my sons age, so we were never around, I enjoyed myself as much as my son did. 3 months after stbxh left I took my son to disney world, we had a blast. it was kinda weird going alone as we always took family vacations but I had to get away and I felt good going alone and knowing what to do by myself, after all stbx was always the planner, for 20 yrs. I think he was shocked I just took off alone. planning a cruise with my sister soon, first time on a cruise, I am a vegas kinda girl. but a cruise should be fun.


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

Do the cruise! I went on one for my honeymoon and they are great. They have "singles" cruises. I'd avoid the honeymoon cruises as they could be a bit depressing. It's nice to have someone with you like your sister. 

I took solo trips for YEARS. For 20 years I often took road trips by myself and I LOVED it. I've driven from Florida to Nova Scotia. The freedom of being on your own is unlike anything else! :smthumbup:

It's been a few years since I've taken a fulls scale road trip (Last one was driving around Lake Superior in 2007) but I still enjoy a "weekender". Last October I got into my Jeep and drove around the Catskills and Poconos checking out the foliage and then drove down the Hudson River. Stayed overnight, dined at a favorite restaurants that has a microbrewery (GREAT beer!) and then drove down the Hudson River. The foliage was awesome. Had a GREAT time! 

I LOVE taking trips like this. This summer I plan to do some solo camping trips. I did a few a couple of years ago. I LIKE being alone. Would I rather be with my husband? Well, yes...sometimes. But sometimes I would rather be by myself and go solo. I find it very rewarding and fun. I'm planning on doing some camping/kayaking trips in the Pine Barrens and along the Delaware. Stuff that I can do on weekends for now but in the future I hope to revisit some of the places I loved going and maybe someday going out West or up to Newfoundland. 

I enjoy spending time with my kids too. Last weekend I took my daughter out shopping and for dinner here in town and we had a GREAT time. I often take my kids out to breakfast or dinner. I really enjoy their company. My daughter is getting more into her own life with her friends these days so a day out is pretty rare but I still love her company.


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## remmons (Dec 20, 2010)

> I took solo trips for YEARS.


This ws how I use to be until I got married. I tried to keep up the trips with my new family, but it became increasingly difficult once we had our newborn, plus her kids (three of them) were growing into the size of adults (her 13 YO girl was as tall as me at 5'8").

Now that I am separated, I am already making plans to get back out and do more exploring. I have a Jeep and I will travel. Getting out doors is a wonderful feeling. You have that freedon that cannot be explained unless you have been there. Camping out under the starry night sky, walking down a new trail not knowing where it will take you to, exploring new caves, seeing the sights of the old home steads, watching wildlife. I can totally immerse myself so deep into the wild that I can forget about the hustle and bustle of the daily grind.


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

remmons said:


> Now that I am separated, I am already making plans to get back out and do more exploring. I have a Jeep and I will travel. Getting out doors is a wonderful feeling. You have that freedom that cannot be explained unless you have been there. Camping out under the starry night sky, walking down a new trail not knowing where it will take you to, exploring new caves, seeing the sights of the old home steads, watching wildlife. I can totally immerse myself so deep into the wild that I can forget about the hustle and bustle of the daily grind.


Wow..:smthumbup: We need to get together!  We sounds like kindred spirits. We even have Jeeps!  I see you live in Utah. You are so lucky because that is beautiful country out there!


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## remmons (Dec 20, 2010)

Freak On a Leash said:


> Wow..:smthumbup: We need to get together!  We sounds like kindred spirits. We even have Jeeps!  I see you live in Utah. You are so lucky because that is beautiful country out there!


I can see by your screen name that you're a Korn fan. I have a few of their albums (seven).

I am lucky to be here. I do love it out here. I have everything from deserts to monuments to lush green farm lands to mountains. There is plenty of space to go exploring.:smthumbup:


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## skinnymini (Jan 27, 2011)

It is so good to read that it gets better. 
My husband has walked out after 28years of what I thought was a great relationship. How wrong was I? He has been gone just over 2 weeks now but the pain and hurt I am feeling is awful. People say get out and do the things you enjoy but all I keep thinking of is him and what we did together. Does this feeling of grief ever stop? Will I ever stop lying in bed thinking of him?


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## AmImad (Jan 28, 2011)

skinnymini said:


> It is so good to read that it gets better.
> My husband has walked out after 28years of what I thought was a great relationship. How wrong was I? He has been gone just over 2 weeks now but the pain and hurt I am feeling is awful. People say get out and do the things you enjoy but all I keep thinking of is him and what we did together. Does this feeling of grief ever stop? Will I ever stop lying in bed thinking of him?


Mine will be 4 months on Sunday and I am still struggling.. BUT I have made some good friends, who offer amazing support on here and they help get me through..
*hugs*


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## remmons (Dec 20, 2010)

skinnymini said:


> It is so good to read that it gets better.
> My husband has walked out after 28years of what I thought was a great relationship. How wrong was I? He has been gone just over 2 weeks now but the pain and hurt I am feeling is awful. People say get out and do the things you enjoy but all I keep thinking of is him and what we did together. Does this feeling of grief ever stop? Will I ever stop lying in bed thinking of him?





AmImad said:


> Mine will be 4 months on Sunday and I am still struggling.. BUT I have made some good friends, who offer amazing support on here and they help get me through..
> *hugs*


That is how I feel when someone tells me to just get out and enjoy life. My wife and I have done so many things, went to so many places, ate at all the restaurants, ate ice cream in bed together.....it is very difficult to want to get out, because everytime I think of a place to go to, I have the memories start to overwhelm me. I have to shift gears and think of something else to do.

Since my separation with my wife, I have become so much closer to so many people from Church and her side of the family. Just last night, my brother-in-law had invited me to dinner, and my father-in-law was there too! They are not taking sides (but they are sure getting upset at what my wife has been doing).

I am at a crossroads. On the one hand, I want to go out with a new date, but on the other hand, I do not want to because I still feel committed and faithful to my wife, even if she is the one who committed the EA.


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

remmons said:


> I can see by your screen name that you're a Korn fan. I have a few of their albums (seven).


See? We ARE kindred spirits! That would be like..ALL of them. Or close! :smthumbup: What do you think of their latest album? I love it. Especially "Oildale (Leave me alone)" Which is where my siggy comes from. 

Saw Korn in concert last month along with Disturbed and Sevendust. I was RIGHT up front. Absolutely awesome! Korn just blew everyone away! :smthumbup: :smnotworthy:



> I am lucky to be here. I do love it out here. I have everything from deserts to monuments to lush green farm lands to mountains. There is plenty of space to go exploring.:smthumbup:


I'd LOVE to live out west. The wheeling must be intense. Been to Moab? Maybe Lion's Back? YouTube - Land Rover on Lions Back Out here Utah was considered THE place for a Jeeper to go wheeling. 

Not to mention the skiing! I was meant to live out west..I really need to get out there but unfortunately I'm stuck here for now. Who knows what the future brings?


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

remmons said:


> That is how I feel when someone tells me to just get out and enjoy life. My wife and I have done so many things, went to so many places, ate at all the restaurants, ate ice cream in bed together.....it is very difficult to want to get out, because everytime I think of a place to go to, I have the memories start to overwhelm me. I have to shift gears and think of something else to do.
> 
> I am at a crossroads. On the one hand, I want to go out with a new date, but on the other hand, I do not want to because I still feel committed and faithful to my wife, even if she is the one who committed the EA.


If you still feel committed and faithful to your wife I would NOT date. It's not fair to you or the other person. You need time to heal and build a life for yourself. Just go out and have fun doing what you want to do. 

I'm in the SAME position. I was married to my best friend. We did so many cool things together. We were so similar in so many ways. But then 9 months ago it all started changing for the worst. It finally came to a head about 3 months ago when he moved out of our house and I got my own apartment at the end of December. 

He didn't have an affair but he's addicted to something worse..alcohol. It's sad and disheartening to literally watch someone you care about and love just fall apart and change for the worst because of an addiction. 

I try and go out and have a good time without him. I'd rather be with my husband but I'm not putting my life on hold because of his problems. Fortunately I'm pretty good at doing at things alone. I've done a lot on my own over the years. 

It's not easy at times because I miss his company but the man I loved and considered my friend is gone for now. If and when he returns I'll welcome him back but I can't brood and mope around waiting for him. Life is too short for that. 

In many ways, it's just a relief to be away from the horrors of what we went through those last few months that we were together so for me, separation hasn't been that bad. I like having my own place a lot. I like being able to do what I want when I want it. I guess I go 'round and 'round a lot. 

We have no plans to divorce and I'm not planning to date anyone. I couldn't imagine getting involved with someone else. Even if we were getting divorce the last thing I'd want is to get tangled up with someone else. I can't imagine actually living with someone else! No thanks!

But heck, if you want to send me a plane ticket to Utah and we can go wheeling and to a Korn concert together. Do you ski?


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## remmons (Dec 20, 2010)

Freak On a Leash said:


> See? We ARE kindred spirits! That would be like..ALL of them. Or close! :smthumbup: What do you think of their latest album? I love it. Especially "Oildale (Leave me alone)" Which is where my siggy comes from.
> 
> Saw Korn in concert last month along with Disturbed and Sevendust. I was RIGHT up front. Absolutely awesome! Korn just blew everyone away! :smthumbup: :smnotworthy:
> 
> ...


I haven't done any wheelin in Moab, just visited Arches natl. Monument. My wife and I had done quite a bit of hiking. We bought an '07 Wrangler Unlimited Sahara a couple years ago, and my wish for our anniversary was to go back to Moab, but she decided that it was too extreme. She didn't get into wheeling that much, she got scared of the mild terrain.:scratchhead: She sold our Jeep a couple months ago, just shortly after our separation.I still have my '88 Wrangler, which I have built up from a rolling shell. Once I get a new transmission put in I will be ready to roll. My '65 CJ5A is still over at her house. I very much doubt that she will let me have it.




Freak On a Leash said:


> If you still feel committed and faithful to your wife I would NOT date. It's not fair to you or the other person. You need time to heal and build a life for yourself. Just go out and have fun doing what you want to do.
> 
> I'm in the SAME position. I was married to my best friend. We did so many cool things together. We were so similar in so many ways. But then 9 months ago it all started changing for the worst. It finally came to a head about 3 months ago when he moved out of our house and I got my own apartment at the end of December.
> 
> ...


Your post is exactly what I am doing now. I am taking this time to heal and do some things to take my mind off of the pain. It is getting better as time goes on. Unfortunately, my atty. fes are overwhelming, so some of my plans are put on the back burner for now...

I don't ski. The last time that I did was way back in grade school, 6th-7th grade. I made the best jump of everyone, but unfortunately, I broke my right leg, twisted my left ankle and tore ligaments. I tried snow boarding up to a couple years ago, but my board was too small, so I gave it to my wife's kids.

I miss the company of my wife. Sometimes I catch my self day-dreaming about a reunion, but then I read some of her notes to me and they bring me back down to earth. My brother-in-law told me not to wait for her, but don't initiate the divorce, let her do that. He told me to move on because she has no intentions of reconciling.

I like living alone too. I can watch TV anytime Iwant, or I can play on my computer, eat anything I want, when I want. I am still responsible for what I do. I even went on a diet! I have lost thirty two pounds sonce December, so Iam feeling more spry and good about myself. I wasn't that big, I was at 212 lbs, but I felt that I could bring it down. Like you, being separated is a good thing too. I no longer feel like that I have to walk on egg shells, no am I no longer having to watch what I say. There were times where I said that I am making the necessary improvements, and she would throw it back at me saying that I'm rubbing it in her face that I am doing better than her. That was NOT my intention. My intention was just t oreach the same level as her. My Wife and her sisters were always competeing with each other when they were younger, so she is in the mind set that I am competing with her.

When we met, we were opposites. We meshed well together, for a couple years. We were both hard headed, so we were two dominant people under the same roof. My father-in-law told me a couple months ago that my wife ALWAYS had to have things "her way". As time passed her siblings told me the same thing. She was in the Air Force, so she still has some of that control within her. When she feels that she is losing control of a situation or someone, nothing will stop he rfrom regaining that control.


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

remmons said:


> I haven't done any wheelin in Moab, just visited Arches natl. Monument. My wife and I had done quite a bit of hiking. We bought an '07 Wrangler Unlimited Sahara a couple years ago, and my wish for our anniversary was to go back to Moab, but she decided that it was too extreme. She didn't get into wheeling that much, she got scared of the mild terrain.:scratchhead: She sold our Jeep a couple months ago, just shortly after our separation.I still have my '88 Wrangler, which I have built up from a rolling shell. Once I get a new transmission put in I will be ready to roll. My '65 CJ5A is still over at her house. I very much doubt that she will let me have it.


CJ5A..nice. I'd fight to have that one back! And I'd LOVE To go Moab! It looks so intense! 

She did you a favor selling the JK. I prefer the older style. The 88 YJ sounds cool. Those things can really take a beating!

I have 2005 TJ Sport with a Dana 44 and 6 speed. It's sweet looking. It's lifted 4", has skids, discos, 33s, etc, etc. Problem is, it's my family car now and I can't do any more rock crawling with it so I'm basically keeping it to scenic trails now. 

It has 33k miles and needed a bunch of work, which my husband paid for and he rightly pointed out that I "destroyed" it with my wheeling. Yeah, I wheeled it with 500 miles on it! :rofl: Had a blast. I hope to buy a motorcycle on day and make that my "fun" vehicle...someday. 

Hiking is on my list. For one thing, it doesn't need GAS to do! It's a lot like kayaking! I've joined an outdoor club that will allow me to meet some people and get into it. I'm big into joining clubs. You meet people and keep busy. 

I'm also into kayaking. My husband got into it with me. He says he's still into doing it. I guess we'll see. I also like to go camping and kayaking and hiking are two things you can combine with camping. Down here we have the Pine Barrens and it's a really great place to go and camp and do things like that.  



> Your post is exactly what I am doing now. I am taking this time to heal and do some things to take my mind off of the pain. It is getting better as time goes on. Unfortunately, my atty. fees are overwhelming, so some of my plans are put on the back burner for now...


For me, it's about re-establishing my life and getting used to be a primary wage earner/care taker. I think I'm doing quite well. At first it was killer with dealing with the business, the moving and it was all around the holidays. Then the damn blizzard, etc, etc. :banghead:

I'm just now feeling that life is stabilizing. My daughter keeps saying "Hardly any time has gone by..Be patient!". She's right. It's been less than 3 months since my separation and I've lived in my own apartment just a shade less than two months! Seems more. So much has happened. 



> I don't ski. The last time that I did was way back in grade school, 6th-7th grade. I made the best jump of everyone, but unfortunately, I broke my right leg, twisted my left ankle and tore ligaments. I tried snow boarding up to a couple years ago, but my board was too small, so I gave it to my wife's kids.


I try not to think about hurting myself. I like to ski fast, but not crazy. I've been skiing since I was 8 and just love it! I have a really nice set of Hagan all-mountain skis and they are killer on the slopes! Unfortunately I only went once this year. When we had all the snow I couldn't even get a weekend to myself and now that I have time the snow is gone! It's 50 degrees and raining now! We had a huge blizzard which dumped two feet of snow the day after Christmas and all it was good for was messing up my moving and my business. 

I guess it'll have to be next year. My daughter often skis with me but taking off our usual week was impossible this year because it was her junior year and she couldn't miss that much school. Next year she will be a senior and her schedule will be easier. We usually go away for a week up to Vermont and I hope to do it again next year, as well as do day trips. 

So it's almost time for kayaking, bicycling, beach..



> I miss the company of my wife. Sometimes I catch my self day-dreaming about a reunion, but then I read some of her notes to me and they bring me back down to earth. My brother-in-law told me not to wait for her, but don't initiate the divorce, let her do that. He told me to move on because she has no intentions of reconciling.


I miss my husband too..but I miss the _old_ husband, the one that was loving and fun and liked to live life to the fullest..Not the one who sits on the porch and drinks and smokes for hours at a time. 

After we separated, things got a little better. At first it seemed that we could spend weekends together...that all we needed was a cooling off time. I tried to "recapture" some of the things we did together but it isn't happening. I honestly don't know what's going to happen with him. He's an alcoholic so that's a real problem. 

We have no plans for divorce. We have no plans for anything really. I guess I'm just taking it one day at a time, bit by bit. I live my life and take care of my kids and my business and try and have a good time when I can and deal with the situation. Slowly but surely, I'm adjusting to the way things are. 



> I like living alone too. I can watch TV anytime I want, or I can play on my computer, eat anything I want, when I want.


:iagree: :smthumbup: I'm down with that! I do love having my own place. My kids are good company (ages 16 and 13). I'm just chillin' for now and enjoying my new locale. I'm looking forward to spring. 

I love being able to put on some tunes on the stereo and fall asleep just like that. Maybe have a glass or two of wine. I play on the computer when I want (I play World of Warcraft) I'm just being myself. It's awesome.  



> I am still responsible for what I do. I even went on a diet! I have lost thirty two pounds sonce December, so Iam feeling more spry and good about myself. I wasn't that big, I was at 212 lbs, but I felt that I could bring it down.


:smthumbup: I lost a TON of weight last year! I went from a size 14-16 to a Size 3. I'm down to college weight. I know this because I wore a set of ski pants that I had from college. I'd given them to my daughter and the ones I had last year were WAY too big. So put them on and they fit perfectly! My daugher and I swap clothes. 

I'll say this, the combination of working more and the stress of my marriage has done great things for my figure! But the real kicker is to cut calories and I work out for an hour each morning during the week so I feel and look better now than I have in years.  It makes a BIG difference to your mental state to look and feel better about yourself, doesn't it? 



> Like you, being separated is a good thing too. I no longer feel like that I have to walk on egg shells, no am I no longer having to watch what I say.


Yep! The only time I have to go through that is when I see my husband. I actually said to him "You know, I am terrified of being around you.". You know what he said? " Good, you should be." Nice. 



> When we met, we were opposites. We meshed well together, for a couple years. We were both hard headed, so we were two dominant people under the same roof.


In many ways my husband and I are opposites. He's quiet and reserved, and I'm crazy and loud. He doesn't mind spending a Saturday evening or weekend at home and it drives me crazy to be stuck indoors on a nice day or doing nothing on a Saturday night. I'm very restless and it drives him nuts. However, in most ways we complimented each other just by being so opposite. 

But we are both hardheaded, opinionated and stubborn. I admit, I can be a real pain in the arse and he put up with a lot of my crap over the years. I'll give him that but I don't deserve what I'm going through now. No one does. 

That said, in other ways we are very much alike. We share a lot of the same values and we both liked doing a lot of the same things We were like two sides of the same coin. We complimented each other. We were best friends. I still think we can be best friends if only he'd give up his affair with Captain Morgan and the Marlboro Man (that's what I call his rum and cigarettes ). 

Reconciliation? We talk about it but I don't see it happening anytime soon. If we get along and try not to tear each other up then I'm content. I'm slowly coming to terms that the man I used to know and have fun with as recently as a year ago is gone. Whether he is on hiatus or gone forever I haven't yet determined. 

I don't plan to date other people. I do want to meet people and broaden my social circle. I can't depend on my husband for companionship and while I've spent some nice weekend days with my 16 year old daughter, she's got a life of her own. I need my own life too. Fortunately the warm season is coming up and I'll be getting out on the water again in my kayak and there are many clubs in this area that I belong to. 

I get out and about and I'm a bit of a loner too. I don't mind being on my own. But I do want to have fun with others, especially since I don't have my husband to hang with anymore. I can hang with him but it has to be on his terms and sitting around the house watching him drink isn't my idea of a good time. 

In the meantime I go out to the clubs and see the bands I like. I've met other "barflies" like myself. In fact, I was invited by one couple I've gotten friendly with out tonight and plan to meet them so things are coming together. 

Too bad we don't live near each other. I'm not kidding when I say we could do some hiking or wheeling or see a band together. You sound like a person I could get to know as a friend. More than that I'm not into right now but I'm always into getting to know interesting people.


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## remmons (Dec 20, 2010)

> Freak On a Leash
> 
> CJ5A..nice. I'd fight to have that one back! And I'd LOVE To go Moab! It looks so intense!


I would love to have it back, but I did promise her 14 yo daughter that I would sell it to her, I'm not one to break my promises.



> She did you a favor selling the JK. I prefer the older style. The 88 YJ sounds cool. Those things can really take a beating!


Yes, she did. It had developed the dreaded "death wobble" and no shop around could determine the cause of it. I picked up the Yj as a basket case for $300.00. It had an engine, but no fuel or ignotion, no transmission or transfer case, and three flat tires.



> I have 2005 TJ Sport with a Dana 44 and 6 speed. It's sweet looking. It's lifted 4", has skids, discos, 33s, etc, etc.


I was looking at one of these when I picked up my YJ.



> "destroyed" it with my wheeling.


destroyed it, or wheeled the piss out of it?:rofl:



> Hiking is on my list. For one thing, it doesn't need GAS to do!


I love to hike. I love to take my Jeep to places where Iwant to go hiking.



> I'm also into kayaking. Down here we have the Pine Barrens and it's a really great place to go and camp and do things like that.


I have never done kayaking, or river rafting. I only live ten to fifteen minutes from the Green River! I hear that the "Gates of Lodore" are a fun run. And yes, this is in my back yard.
Gate of Lodore: Rafting and White Water History, Geology, and information on the Green River- Sheri Griffith River Expeditions, Moab, Utah



> For me, it's about re-establishing my life and getting used to be a primary wage earner/care taker. I think I'm doing quite well. At first it was killer with dealing with the business, the moving and it was all around the holidays. Then the damn blizzard, etc, etc.:banghead:


That is what I am doing as well. I have made the changes in my life to move on and to continually to improve myself. My counselor asked me recently why am I still trying to hold on to something that doesn't want held? So this got me to thinking I can only fly so high before the anchor keeps holding me down.....

We have been getting some new snow here too, but I'm sure that it's nothing in comparison to your blizzards.




> I'm just now feeling that life is stabilizing. My daughter keeps saying "Hardly any time has gone by..Be patient!". She's right. It's been less than 3 months since my separation and I've lived in my own apartment just a shade less than two months! Seems more. So much has happened.


Mee too! Of course my daughter is only 4, but she understands that mer mom and I aren't together anymore. When it's time for her to go back home, she clings tightly to me and doesn't want to let go. I have been in my new townhome for about two months too! I really like it. I sometimes wonder why I have such a large place for just a single guy. At least my daughter has her own bedroom when she starts to stay overnights in the summer.




> I try not to think about hurting myself. I like to ski fast, but not crazy. I've been skiing since I was 8 and just love it! I have a really nice set of Hagan all-mountain skis and they are killer on the slopes! Unfortunately I only went once this year. When we had all the snow I couldn't even get a weekend to myself and now that I have time the snow is gone! It's 50 degrees and raining now! We had a huge blizzard which dumped two feet of snow the day after Christmas and all it was good for was messing up my moving and my business.


That's probably why I don't ski anymore. I thought that snowboarding would be fun, but I never "really" got into it.



> I miss my husband too..but I miss the _old_ husband, the one that was loving and fun and liked to live life to the fullest..Not the one who sits on the porch and drinks and smokes for hours at a time.


I miss the good times that I had with my wife. Her and I made some good memories. She let her past catch up to her, thus it created issues in our marriage. I found out that our problems stemmed from ghosts tha tshe had in her closet. 



> After we separated, things got a little better. At first it seemed that we could spend weekends together...that all we needed was a cooling off time. I tried to "recapture" some of the things we did together but it isn't happening. I honestly don't know what's going to happen with him. He's an alcoholic so that's a real problem.


I thought that things were getting better also, until I discovered her EA. Of course she denied any intimate involvement with the "new model". She didn't know that I knew so many people in this small town.....



> We have no plans for divorce. We have no plans for anything really. I guess I'm just taking it one day at a time, bit by bit. I live my life and take care of my kids and my business and try and have a good time when I can and deal with the situation. Slowly but surely, I'm adjusting to the way things are.


We are so much alike! We have no plans for divorce either (as far as I am aware of). My Brother-in-law did tell me last week that my wife had some papers for me to sign, but she didn't have them finished yet. So I am sitting at the edge of my seat waiting to see what these papers are.

I too live my life and take care of what is needed. I don't have kids at home, but I still have plenty of responsibilities that Iam taking care of.




> :iagree: :smthumbup: I'm down with that! I do love having my own place. My kids are good company (ages 16 and 13). I'm just chillin' for now and enjoying my new locale. I'm looking forward to spring.


I have kids the same age from my first marriage, well one will be 16 on tax day. I am chillin as well (literally) waiting for spring to open her doors and let us out.




> I love being able to put on some tunes on the stereo and fall asleep just like that. Maybe have a glass or two of wine. I play on the computer when I want (I play World of Warcraft) I'm just being myself. It's awesome.


When I am doing something in the house I will put on some tunes, otherwise I turn on the TV. Sometimes, I like the quiet and not turn anything on.
I don't play computer games, except for psider Solitaire, and this is only when I need to concentrate on something.



> :smthumbup: I lost a TON of weight last year! I went from a size 14-16 to a Size 3.


Congrats! I like the feeling that I get when Iput my belt on in the morning and Isee that I am three holes smaller than where I use to be.



> I'll say this, the combination of working more and the stress of my marriage has done great things for my figure! But the real kicker is to cut calories and I work out for an hour each morning during the week so I feel and look better now than I have in years.  It makes a BIG difference to your mental state to look and feel better about yourself, doesn't it?


It is awesome that you look and feel better! This is positive encouragement! I totally know the feeling of wanting to get out and do more! I have been procrastinating on going to the Rec Center, but maybe, once my life begines to run at a steady rate, I will start going. I feel great being able to run up thestairs and still have wind left over!



> Yep! The only time I have to go through that is when I see my husband. I actually said to him "You know, I am terrified of being around you.". You know what he said? " Good, you should be." Nice.


I am sorry that he is like that with you. You don't deserve crap like that. It is my belief to give anyone a compliment, even if they're having a bad day.
My wife was on the heavy side, but I still told her that she was beautiful, and that she looked wonderful to me (because she did)! Unfortunately, it wasn't enough. She liked the smooth-talking new model, he didn't repair cars (or Jeeps), he didn't remodel a master bath, he didn't plant a garden, he didn't build a playhouse or a swing set for the kids. He barely plays with the kids, he doesn't pick up the kids from school. He didn't cook dinner once in a while or help clean house. He didn't even work! All he had was time and a silver tongue. Am I mad? Heck yeah! But I can't do anything about it. I will let her go and let her to continue to keep making the mistakes that she is making. She is not willing to accept help, so I can not help her.



> In many ways my husband and I are opposites. He's quiet and reserved, and I'm crazy and loud. He doesn't mind spending a Saturday evening or weekend at home and it drives me crazy to be stuck indoors on a nice day or doing nothing on a Saturday night. I'm very restless and it drives him nuts. However, in most ways we complimented each other just by being so opposite.


This is how my wife and I were. Her family and friends thought that we were the perfect couple, until our separation. they all told me, after the separation, that I lasted a year longer than her last two ex's. They all thought that I would be able to pull her out of her hole. I guess not. She has too much hidden underneath. She has to work on her issues before we can work on ours.



> But we are both hardheaded, opinionated and stubborn. I admit, I can be a real pain in the arse and he put up with a lot of my crap over the years. I'll give him that but I don't deserve what I'm going through now. No one does.


Ditto.



> That said, in other ways we are very much alike. We share a lot of the same values and we both liked doing a lot of the same things We were like two sides of the same coin. We complimented each other. We were best friends. I still think we can be best friends if only he'd give up his affair with Captain Morgan and the Marlboro Man (that's what I call his rum and cigarettes ).


Ditto again, except she has to give up her affair with her new man...



> Reconciliation? We talk about it but I don't see it happening anytime soon. If we get along and try not to tear each other up then I'm content. I'm slowly coming to terms that the man I used to know and have fun with as recently as a year ago is gone. Whether he is on hiatus or gone forever I haven't yet determined.


The farhtest thing from my wife's mind is reconciliation. She thnks that she is happy where she is at. She is definately not the woman that I married five years ago. Her family have told me (after our separation) that she has done this before.How do I react to this?



> I don't plan to date other people. I do want to meet people and broaden my social circle. I can't depend on my husband for companionship and while I've spent some nice weekend days with my 16 year old daughter, she's got a life of her own. I need my own life too.


I don't plan on dating either, but I will never say never.....you never know what can happen. My kids are either grown and moved, or they are with their mother(s). They have a schedule laid out by their mom.



> I get out and about and I'm a bit of a loner too. I don't mind being on my own. But I do want to have fun with others, especially since I don't have my husband to hang with anymore.


I am trying not to be a loner. This was how most of my life has been. I am learning to get out and enjoy time with others.



> In the meantime I go out to the clubs and see the bands I like. I've met other "barflies" like myself. In fact, I was invited by one couple I've gotten friendly with out tonight and plan to meet them so things are coming together.


I don't go out clubbing anymore. I have lost interest. It could have been because of my wife...



> Too bad we don't live near each other. I'm not kidding when I say we could do some hiking or wheeling or see a band together. You sound like a person I could get to know as a friend. More than that I'm not into right now but I'm always into getting to know interesting people.


I feel the same way. It doesn't matter who I spend time with, as long as we have the same thing in common.
My brother-in-law will be moving soon, but he still plans on coming out this way for vacations. we are still going to go out shooting or running around the mountains.
Spending time with a like-minded person is all that much more fun! I plan on exploring a couple caves this year, checking out some old home steads, and checking out some petroglyphs at Nine Mile Canyon. I have been here once, but my wife was feeling ill, so we did not do much exploring that day.
Nine Mile Canyon - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia


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## Shelly29 (Oct 9, 2010)

skinnymini said:


> It is so good to read that it gets better.
> My husband has walked out after 28years of what I thought was a great relationship. How wrong was I? He has been gone just over 2 weeks now but the pain and hurt I am feeling is awful. People say get out and do the things you enjoy but all I keep thinking of is him and what we did together. Does this feeling of grief ever stop? Will I ever stop lying in bed thinking of him?


It gets better if you make it better..... you have to put forth the energy, create that positive vibe, believe that it does and then put it into effect.  You cant just sit there and expect it to come knocking on your door, life doesnt work that way.


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## bellringer (Aug 20, 2010)

It is true you have to believe it does, my stbxh came to get my son the other day and he looked so miserable and he looks awful, i on the other hand am always happy, I looked at him that day and said your so miserable looking and you look terrible, he said whats there to be happy about, I said mabey you can be happy you wake up everyday, you have a beautiful son, I said find someone who makes you happy, he said I dont need anyone to make me happy, it felt so good to be able to tell him to move on and get a life. he is the one who left and I am the happy one, go figure.


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## Shelly29 (Oct 9, 2010)

bellringer said:


> It is true you have to believe it does, my stbxh came to get my son the other day and he looked so miserable and he looks awful, i on the other hand am always happy, I looked at him that day and said your so miserable looking and you look terrible, he said whats there to be happy about, I said mabey you can be happy you wake up everyday, you have a beautiful son, I said find someone who makes you happy, he said I dont need anyone to make me happy, it felt so good to be able to tell him to move on and get a life. he is the one who left and I am the happy one, go figure.


Very liberating huh? What a great thing to hear.... practice positive thought and put out the energy you want in your life.


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