# Making an effort



## TheStranger (Jan 14, 2013)

So, I asked once how come I don't get any blowjobs in our 6 year relationship and she answered that she doesn't enjoy giving them. They don't do anything for her. I replied that most of my enjoyment when I do oral comes from her pleasure and she acknowledges that this is how she should feel about blowjobs but she doesn't and she apologized about that.

It got me thinking. In our relationship I was always the pursuer and still am. She readily acknowledges that if I hadn't invested so much effort in the past we wouldn't be together and she thanked me for being so persistent many times so far.

Here's the thing, some things were from the start one sided:

- oral sex. As I've mentioned before, blowjobs are not a big deal for me but I wouldn't turned down if offered for sure.

- presents. She doesn't do presents for me. She claims that I'm so low maintenance guy that she doesn't know what to buy that I would use. That I'm impossible to shop for.

- suprises. No suprises of any kind for me. I try to suprise her with something every one in a while.

- massages. I gave dozens and dozens of massages over the year. She never offered one. I commented on that and she offered it then. She said all I need to do is ask. 

So that's the gist of it. If I ask I'll receive. If I ask for a blowjob I'll get one probably. So I need to ask everything I want from her. It kinda ruins it for me really. 

Is it okay to be bothered by this? Am I being taken for granted or did I spoiled her by being okay with this over the years?


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Do you feel like she is into you, or not? Does she do other things to express her love, like kisses and hugs and other affection, or words of affirmation?

If she doesn't do anything to show her love, well I'm not sure if she is into you then.

But if she does, she is showing you love in a different Love Language. Have you heard about that book yet?

You are clearly an acts of service and gifts type of guy. You are showing her love by doing acts of service and gifts/surprises. If those are not her love languages, she will not necessarily understand that you are telling her you love her with those...and also, she will not understand that you need to receive love from her in those ways.


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## TheStranger (Jan 14, 2013)

Faithful Wife said:


> Does she do other things to express her love, like kisses and hugs and other affection, or words of affirmation?


Yes, every day and me also. We're both very affectionate towards each other. She cries every time if I need to go on a trip even for one day.

But, there is more to it. She doesn't orgasm when she is with me and it's an issue for me. A big issue. She knows about this for the last two years when I confessed my feelings of insecurity that arose from it and she did nothing. Few months back she promised that she would try to solve the issue and hasn't said anything about it yet. 

In past almost all serious conversations were initiated by me. She will admit that this is the case. 

Perhaps I'm afraid if I ever get tired of pursuing her that that would spell disaster on our relationship. Perhaps she wouldn't take the steering wheel to get us out from rough waters.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

TheStranger said:


> Yes, every day and me also. We're both very affectionate towards each other. She cries every time if I need to go on a trip even for one day.
> 
> But, there is more to it. She doesn't orgasm when she is with me and it's an issue for me. A big issue. She knows about this for the last two years when I confessed my feelings of insecurity that arose from it and she did nothing. Few months back she promised that she would try to solve the issue and hasn't said anything about it yet.
> 
> ...


Some women never orgasm from intercourse. It doesnt mean that their partners are doing something wrong, or that something is wrong with her physiclally. Its just, how their bodies are. So dont take it personally, and help her climax in the ways that DO work for her. Making her feel guilty isnt going to help your cause. (unintentional or otherwise) She has probably come to accept that that's how her body is, and knowing you are so bothered by it probably only inhibits her that much more. 

Is it just oral that she wont initiate, or is it any kind of sex? It sounds like when you ask, she is more than happy to accommodate your requests, so it doesnt come off to ME that she isnt into you. It sounds to me like you guys have a pretty good relationship!  Maybe try reading The 5 Love Languages together, you may BOTH be suprised where you might be lacking! Good luck!


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