# HJ/ BJ.... what do you do for your wife?



## livelaughlovenow (Apr 23, 2012)

Just curious... men expect us to please them any way possible with our bodies, HJ, BJ, etc.... even when we may not exactly be "hormonally ready" for sex..... so I got to thinking, what do men do for their women in between sex to keep them satisfied, aroused, etc? Specifically..... 
For instance, this am, my dh expressed his need to be drained. We had company all weekend, and my hormones are low as I am getting ready to have my period, I also have a cold sore which made his favorite of BJ out of the question, so I gave him a HJ... but then I got to thinking after reading some posts tonight. He never does extra things for me like that... in between times... of love making... why is there a double standard? Or is it just in my marriage, or is it just because men need to be "released" so much more than women? I love pleasing my husband so please don't attack me, but I have asked him on several occasions to help me stay aroused, get more horny, etc, and he has definitely amped it up during lovemaking and foreplay, etc, but in between, it's the usual simple hugs and kisses and maybe a grope here and there, never has he said, would you like some oral? Or just fingered me to orgasm and that been the end of it, he has always wanted something after, used it as foreplay, wanted something in return, etc...... make sense? Especially during times of the month when our hormones are on the downside of the cycle, it would be nice to have some extra things put in there.... but I am wondering am I alone in this thinking, just really crossed my mind tonight. But we have been exploring lots of ways to make our marriage better, especially in the bedroom.


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## 40isthenew20 (Jul 12, 2012)

I offer to my wife all the time different forms if release for her, but she never takes me up on them. Fingering, eating, dildo pay...I'd gladly do any and all of te above to her w/o expecting anything in return because she does take care of me when I ask for a HJ.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

I had to ask, several times in fact. He has never been one to just ask for release, but he has always been one to want me to be pleased. It used to always end with him finishing, but then when I would be unsatisfied he didn't know what to do. Now he does


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## lovingsummer (Jul 27, 2012)

You're not alone in this thinking... I do it more often for my H than he does it for me but he has used his hands, mouth, fingers on me to orgasm. Usually when he was too tired but knew I wanted it or when I can't sleep, he knows the O will help relax me.


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## jennifer1986 (Feb 4, 2012)

(1) my h does not hug or kiss me outside sex.
(2) he knows I'm very horny these days, and he tells me perhaps I need someone else, or a vibrator (I have it but don't like it that much), or go f%$ myself (I do, not very satisfying though).
(3) when we do have sex and I don't reach O, I have to ask him to help with finger, but he does it so unenthusiastically I eventually give up.

tough case to work on.


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## livelaughlovenow (Apr 23, 2012)

jennifer1986 said:


> (1) my h does not hug or kiss me outside sex.
> (2) he knows I'm very horny these days, and he tells me perhaps I need someone else, or a vibrator (I have it but don't like it that much), or go f%$ myself (I do, not very satisfying though).
> (3) when we do have sex and I don't reach O, I have to ask him to help with finger, but he does it so unenthusiastically I eventually give up.
> 
> tough case to work on.


That sucks... All of what you said. My husband during love making is very concerned with pleasing me and is affectionate outside of the bedroom. I was just thinking in terms of extra stuff, needs and expectations.


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## Dan Carruthers (Jul 14, 2012)

*The "Random Stimuli"...*


It's between their ears :

a caressing whisper..a narration, a lovely erotic song, a story telling...a naughty word ...

...between the thighs,

a touch of class, variant stimuli....with an art of observance on responses...and touch,dip n dig in there with a master handiwork..


among the stroking n tripping feet:

the calf...troll...


an all body caring n soft, but intensely passionate b2b make out..


sometimes pedicure n manicure..body massage..

cosy places interior n exterior locations,fragrant ambiances.. 
and romantic hues...random innovations...


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## Mistys dad (Dec 2, 2011)

I protect our cave from marauding bands of grizzly bears, using only a Swiss Army knife and a loincloth.

So far, I have a 100% success rate.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

I know exactly what you mean and I've wondered the same thing. I offer bj's freely and yet he never offers anything similar to me unless it's part of foreplay. Do men think we don't want the same consideration? I really don't know.


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## livelaughlovenow (Apr 23, 2012)

Mistys dad said:


> I protect our cave from marauding bands of grizzly bears, using only a Swiss Army knife and a loincloth.
> 
> So far, I have a 100% success rate.


:rofl:


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

I think your OP is somewhat open to interpretation. If your goal is to focus exclusively on sexual acts only, then there is nothing I have to do for my wife in between full blown lovemaking. I consider myself an HD person and I'd love to have sex daily if not a couple times per day if I had my choice. Since my wife has a lower drive, we compromise by going every other day or sometimes after a 2 day break. During menstruation it's hands off completely because sex is the furthest thing from her mind during those days. So I'm ready at the drop of a hat to do anything for her that she needs be it oral, vaginal, anal or fingers. 

If you expand the focus more, I try to be there more for my wife by trying to caress her, hug her, kiss her and making sure that we spend time together in stimulating conversations (she's a SAHM and provides childcare in our house), watching TV/shows together, walking together, giving her massages when she's stressed out and I'm sure a few other things that I don't remember at the moment.

I can't help but feel a little flattered because I think I was a part of your inspiration to start this thread.


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## livelaughlovenow (Apr 23, 2012)

Plan 9 from OS said:


> I think your OP is somewhat open to interpretation. If your goal is to focus exclusively on sexual acts only, then there is nothing I have to do for my wife in between full blown lovemaking. I consider myself an HD person and I'd love to have sex daily if not a couple times per day if I had my choice. Since my wife has a lower drive, we compromise by going every other day or sometimes after a 2 day break. During menstruation it's hands off completely because sex is the furthest thing from her mind during those days. So I'm ready at the drop of a hat to do anything for her that she needs be it oral, vaginal, anal or fingers.
> 
> If you expand the focus more, I try to be there more for my wife by trying to caress her, hug her, kiss her and making sure that we spend time together in stimulating conversations (she's a SAHM and provides childcare in our house), watching TV/shows together, walking together, giving her massages when she's stressed out and I'm sure a few other things that I don't remember at the moment.
> 
> I can't help but feel a little flattered because I think I was a part of your inspiration to start this thread.


Partially you were  So you should be flattered. I also saw something in another post that got my mind spinning....Sometimes I get to thinking about others things/questions/issues and it makes me wonder about things just in general... I see your point on the first paragraph, I don't mean just in affection, I mean sexually. For instance, it would be great to have my husband just out of the blue make love to me with his hands or mouth and walk away, like I do for him (without being asked) he doesn't always have to ask... today he asked. And when he does ask I don't turn him down. Usually however, I surprise him and do it without him asking, unprovoked, to please him, keep him happy, satisfied, etc. I may say sure, how about later and add some anticipatory foreplay to the day... when I do it though, it's usually for my own benefit (and his too) but as I come into more deeper womanhood (30s) I have realized my own sexual needs have changed, and your post got me thinking....... if it is just my relationship.... or if it is the majority that men want what they want, sexually and that is when they initiate, and if we want it, we have to ask, or initiate ourselves, despite ALSO being required to keep our husbands happy and to the point of not having to ask, or being ready when they do and not rejecting any request..... I know that kindof rambled, but I also know that people get what I am saying.... lol. To be frank, my husband and I's sex life has gone from a 2 to a 9 in about a 6 month time span, but we have also been working on communication and meeting other needs as well, but he has never been one to just please me and let it be... except one time when I asked him if I could jump on him to see if an orgasm really would cure a headache. But I also don't mean just vaginally either.... I'm talking hands and mouth... hands and mouth guys, we like it too, unprovoked, not asked for, randomly.


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

livelaughlovenow said:


> Partially you were  So you should be flattered. Sometimes I get to thinking about others things/questions/issues and it makes me wonder about things just in general... I see your point on the first paragraph, I don't mean just in affection, I mean sexually. *For instance, it would be great to have my husband just out of the blue make love to me with his hands or mouth and walk away*, like I do for him (without being asked) he doesn't always have to ask... today he asked. And when he does ask I don't turn him down. Usually however, I surprise him and do it without him asking, unprovoked, to please him, keep him happy, satisfied, etc. I may say sure, how about later and add some anticipatory foreplay to the day... when I do it though, it's usually for my own benefit (and his too) but as I come into more deeper womanhood (30s) I have realized my own sexual needs have changed, and your post got me thinking....... if it is just my relationship.... or *if it is the majority that men want what they want, sexually and that is when they initiate, and if we want it, we have to ask, or initiate ourselves, despite ALSO being required to keep our husbands happy and to the point of not having to ask, or being ready when they do and not rejecting any request..... *I know that kindof rambled, but I also know that people get what I am saying.... lol. To be frank, my husband and I's sex life has gone from a 2 to a 9 in about a 6 month time span, but we have also been working on communication and meeting other needs as well, but he has never been one to just please me and let it be... except one time when I asked him if I could jump on him to see if an orgasm really would cure a headache. But I also don't mean just vaginally either.... I'm talking hands and mouth... hands and mouth guys, we like it too, unprovoked, not asked for, randomly.


I would say that the dynamic is more dependent upon who has the higher sex drive. IMO, I think it would be typical of the HD person to rarely or never perform a sexual favor for a partner without a release for him/her. When it comes to the lower drive person, I think it is more common for that person to perform a sexual act without wanting anything in return. I think it is normally men who are the higher drive people so they tend to get a release whenever any intimacy occurs; however, I would bet that any HD women married to LD men would experience the dynamic you described above where the woman would always get her release while the lower drive man may provide his wife with a release without getting anything in return because he simply doesn't need a release and just wants to please his wife.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

I have often pondered this.
I think the assumption that a woman will be aroused with any sexual contact should be a given. She has the choice of doing a stand alone sex act or not. It is not a favor or extra, just part of partnered mature sex. 

The knee jerk characterization of men as selfish is wrong, I think. They are as influenced by our cultural norm as we woman are i think. 

Woman who are aroused and frustrated but say nothing are really responsible for the sexual dynamic. Men have no idea until you let them know. 

I don't think you can let him know by delicately and innuendo, you have to be explicit in a way he can hear. 

From what I have observed by the overwhelming number of post that I read on this forum, men seem to express a sincere desire to please their partner.


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## missymrs80 (Aug 5, 2012)

Tell him explicitly what you need. My husband and I used to make lists each week of 5 things we wanted the other to do....for example my "needs" from him might have looked like 1) wash car 2) fix the broken....w/e 3) half hour back rub 4) flowers for no good reason 5) watch real housewives with me. 
His: 1) get your nails done 2) back scratch 3) watch football with me 4) clean the fridge 5) make my favorite thing for dinner one night this week. We each completed the list regardless of whether or not we felt like the other had done their end of it. It always worked out that we both were able to fulfill each others "needs" lists. Be explicit!


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## OnlyHis (Aug 9, 2012)

livelaughlovenow - I think after so many responses you realize you're not alone in any respect! In fact, I have been pondering the same thing! I have a very loving H who is extremely good to me. He has a very high stress job which requires him to have long work hours and long periods away. Sometimes for months... like 9. So every opportunity I get to please him and allow him to release some pent up stress, I do. But we are both HD... the only problem with this 'system' of a lot of giving on my part is that it makes me wish he would do the same for me! (We need to have a long, heart-felt conversation about this, he and I... I just tend to find it hard to straight-out ask...) I think in his mind (since I'm currently a homemaker) I don't have the stress load that he does and would have far less reason to be 'needy'. I get a little attention outside of the actual sex act, but it's rare, and usually quick with little 'lingering' to please. Anyone, how do I ask him for more?! I'm pretty sure he wouldn't consider it selfish because he knows he has it good with the attention I pay to him. Ideally, I would love to have him do for me exactly like I do for him, being solely focused on the pleasure of the other until fulfillment. Women/Wives, how would you ask for that? Men/Husbands, how would you want to be asked? Any suggestions would be nice. He comes home in 2 1/2 weeks after being gone for a week already. I've got time...  Thanks in advance!


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## lovingsummer (Jul 27, 2012)

Most of the time I don't ask because if my orgasm is the "main objective" then I have more trouble getting there.


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## Janie (Apr 10, 2010)

missymrs80 said:


> Tell him explicitly what you need. My husband and I used to make lists each week of 5 things we wanted the other to do....for example my "needs" from him might have looked like 1) wash car 2) fix the broken....w/e 3) half hour back rub 4) flowers for no good reason 5) watch real housewives with me.
> His: 1) get your nails done 2) back scratch 3) watch football with me 4) clean the fridge 5) make my favorite thing for dinner one night this week. We each completed the list regardless of whether or not we felt like the other had done their end of it. It always worked out that we both were able to fulfill each others "needs" lists. Be explicit!


LOVE this!


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

I got a bj last night. And I actually did notice she was a bit frustrated after. So I started to cuddle. She was like, that's not going to cut it. And cuddling just made her more frustrated. Anyway, I just started foreplay even though I knew I wouldn't be quite "capable" yet. How did I finish her off? Two words: magic wand.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Plan 9 from OS said:


> I would say that the dynamic is more dependent upon who has the higher sex drive. IMO, I think it would be typical of the HD person to rarely or never perform a sexual favor for a partner without a release for him/her. When it comes to the lower drive person, I think it is more common for that person to perform a sexual act without wanting anything in return. I think it is normally men who are the higher drive people so they tend to get a release whenever any intimacy occurs; however, I would bet that any HD women married to LD men would experience the dynamic you described above where the woman would always get her release while the lower drive man may provide his wife with a release without getting anything in return because he simply doesn't need a release and just wants to please his wife.


From experience, when a woman is higher drive than her partner, he does not do things for her like this. 

Either he's going to get off or he's not interested.


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

EleGirl said:


> From experience, when a woman is higher drive than her partner, he does not do things for her like this.
> 
> Either he's going to get off or he's not interested.


Who are these women who would do something for their man without it being both ways? I certainly don't know any in person.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

larry.gray said:


> Who are these women who would do something for their man without it being both ways? I certainly don't know any in person.


There are women who will give their partners bj's or hj's and it only goes as far as the man getting off. 

Here has been a thread here for several days about how some men expect that their partner will do this for them when the woman is not wanting sex... that she should give him a bj/hj when he wants sex and she does not.


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

Yeah, there are guys that want it, but you made it sound like there are women that do that.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

larry.gray said:


> Yeah, there are guys that want it, but you made it sound like there are women that do that.


There are woman who do it.


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## needyForHelp (Aug 8, 2012)

I am always up for anything and even one sided .... I am always ready for giving oral or fingers ... or anything, and I am even fine if it is that I give her oral and give her orgasm and then just cuddle and sleep while kissing her and rubbing her back ......... but she won't let me do any of these, her ideal case would be me cuddling rubbing her back and then she sleeps while I am doing that ...... and nothing else .......


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## Zatol Ugot? (Mar 5, 2012)

My wife and I call this a 68 - _"you do me and I'll owe you one"_ (get it?)

I have offered on several occassions to give my wife a 68. I would love to just bring her to orgasm with oral or fingers and just relish in her body but she really doesn't seem to be interested. Usually, when it is one sided, it is me receiving an hj/bj after I have expressed the fact that I am really in the mood and she is not for whatever reason. However, it has been a very rare occassion where my wife just caught me first thing in the morning or stepping out of the shower or just because to provide me with unasked for sexual release. It is usually a mutual experience (both are ready and wanting sex) or I want it and she doesn't. I can't remember when the situation was reversed. However, the idea of just walking up to the wife and starting a session for her benefit only was mentioned previously in this thread. I like that idea and might try it. But, I expect my wife would want to reciprocate after she was done, which would not be my intention and she would feel guilty if she did not do something for me. Even if I were to tell her "no, this is just for you", I don't think she would like that.


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

I have done extras for my wife too, mostly oral and HJ and tell her it's just for her because often times she would feel guilty I guess if she didn't reciprocate.

But alas, that's was when our sex life was better


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## Shiksa (Mar 2, 2012)

I am HD, hubs is LD. I will give him a BJ, especially if I'm on my period. Never had him just give me attention without anything in return. In fact last BJ (during my period) in the middle of the night, I asked for a little return play using a toy (due to ickyness) and I got "I thought we were winding down" response and he fell asleep. I was all wound up, but too pissed to take care of myself. I just don't think it occurs to many men to pleasure us without expectations of full blown intercourse.


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

livelaughlovenow said:


> Just curious... men expect us to please them any way possible with our bodies, HJ, BJ, etc.... even when we may not exactly be "hormonally ready" for sex..... so I got to thinking, what do men do for their women in between sex to keep them satisfied, aroused, etc? Specifically.....
> For instance, this am, my dh expressed his need to be drained. We had company all weekend, and my hormones are low as I am getting ready to have my period, I also have a cold sore which made his favorite of BJ out of the question, so I gave him a HJ... but then I got to thinking after reading some posts tonight. He never does extra things for me like that... in between times... of love making... why is there a double standard? Or is it just in my marriage, or is it just because men need to be "released" so much more than women? I love pleasing my husband so please don't attack me, but I have asked him on several occasions to help me stay aroused, get more horny, etc, and he has definitely amped it up during lovemaking and foreplay, etc, but in between, it's the usual simple hugs and kisses and maybe a grope here and there, never has he said, would you like some oral? Or just fingered me to orgasm and that been the end of it, he has always wanted something after, used it as foreplay, wanted something in return, etc...... make sense? Especially during times of the month when our hormones are on the downside of the cycle, it would be nice to have some extra things put in there.... but I am wondering am I alone in this thinking, just really crossed my mind tonight. But we have been exploring lots of ways to make our marriage better, especially in the bedroom.


I do whatever she wants.

Problem is, she doesn't really want anything, but I've made it VERY clear repatedly that if she ever wants some oral attention, or anything else, she gets it. Last night we had sex (thank goodness, yippee! because did I EVER need it) and she wanted it from behind (which she likes but rarely asks for). Done and done, no question or complaints.

I wish my fiancee would ask for more things to be honest. My ex-wife made me (and by made me I mean 'Do this or you're not getting any") give her oral everytime we had sex, straight through to orgasm. My fiancee knows this, and she already had little desire for oral sex as is, so now she won't ask for it at all. She also doesn't get to pushy in bed because of my ex. It's actually ironically fuinny and problematic at the same time, I've gone from a relationship where I hated to give oral to one where I'm actually wishing she'd ask for it and get more demanding in bed.


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

Shiksa said:


> I am HD, hubs is LD. I will give him a BJ, especially if I'm on my period. Never had him just give me attention without anything in return. In fact last BJ (during my period) in the middle of the night, I asked for a little return play using a toy (due to ickyness) and I got "I thought we were winding down" response and he fell asleep. I was all wound up, but too pissed to take care of myself. I just don't think it occurs to many men to pleasure us without expectations of full blown intercourse.


For me, it depends on the frequency my needs are met sexually.

If I'm being satisfied sexually, for sure I'd love to give my fiancee an all about you time in bed. I'd pamper her from head to toe and not even worry about me.

If it's been a while though and I'm damn near vibrating down there because I need it badly, no, I don't want to just concentrate on her because I'd likely implode from being so overstimulated.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

livelaughlovenow said:


> .... so I gave him a HJ... but then I got to thinking after reading some posts tonight. He never does extra things for me like that... in between times... of love making... why is there a double standard?


 My husband is such a "giver"... I have never felt this way in the entirety of our marriage...he even put himself down -while still "giving" to me....(I wish so bad he didn't do that!)

.....Every night without fail (in our past)....he would be scratching my back knowing I loved this.....while we watched movies together, my head on his lap- running his fingers through my hair , up & down my arms ...

So this was my inbetween "loving" I guess for the "Physical Affection", I was basically spoiled terribly.....he always reached for my hand when we'd take a walk, kissing /hugging before & after work, he gives me body massages when I am out for the count

I married a Romantic "physical toucher" so this all comes very naturally to him, he's just always been this way. 

At least NOW...I spoil him just as much with what I was missing in the past...If anything, I was the more selfish partner in our marriage. It was not fair treatment at all. Shame on ME. 



> Or is it just in my marriage, or is it just because men need to be "released" so much more than women?


 Yes, men need physically released more than women (not so sure this is true in my marraige though!) -- They say men "generally" have 10 times more Testosterone flowing through their bodies in comparison .... at least it's better than him going off alone doing himself in the shower. He still craves the intimacy. 



> I love pleasing my husband so please don't attack me, but I have asked him on several occasions to help me stay aroused, get more horny, etc, and he has definitely amped it up during lovemaking and foreplay, etc, but in between, it's the usual simple hugs and kisses and maybe a grope here and there, never has he said, would you like some oral?


 This has probably already been asked, but (like our situation where my husband didn't talk about his needs- but kept satisfying my cravings for touch)... have you expressed how you FEEL to him, how you want more ? I didn't read all the replies so I might have missed this!


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## kag123 (Feb 6, 2012)

Its very rare for either H or I to have any sex act be completely one sided from start to finish. Even if that might have been the intention going into it, the other person who supposedly wasn't in the mood gets there quickly and then wants a piece of the action.

Have you talked to your H about this? If I told my H - hey, sometimes I just want you to get me off, no strings attached...he'd jump me anytime I asked. I can't imagine a man who wouldn't do that.

In the situation you mentioned where you go into HJ/BJ and then you are left hanging afterwards...I don't sit around sheepishly hoping my H will figure out that I am horny, I tell him and I pretty much make him do something for me. Even if his d!ck has clocked out for the night, he's got hands and a tongue and there are plenty of other things he can do for me. I feel lucky that 99.999% of the time when he sees how revved up I am, he can get himself ready for round 2 pretty quickly.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jane_Doe (Aug 9, 2012)

New poster here, thought I'd chime in...

I think I must be one of the lucky ones, because my husband offers oral release for me without necessarily wanting anything in return (despite usually pitching a good-sized tent during the process) when it seems to him like I need it, like when I'm cramping or I'm stressed out. Or any time I'm naked, frankly. If I want to go ahead with sex afterwards, he's all for it, but usually I tell him I love him for being so good to me, and make a mental note to take care of him later that night. Or sometimes I like to take care of him in the morning so he has the rest of the day to focus on me (sneaky? Maybe, but we both love it).

It's been normal behaviour for us so I couldn't advise on how to form a habit like this without sitting down and straight-up asking. All I can say is DH and I have a mental 'O' ratio kind of thing, where for every 1 he has, I have 5. We noticed it as a general pattern, then jokingly made it law. Now a little while later it's actual law, and I can tell him he owes me one if I only got 4 that day and he'll willingly oblige lol.

We've also played games and outlined that the winner gets 5 'free' oral orgasms. Doesn't matter what the game is really, it could be a bet, could be a card game, board game, anything. If you don't win, you just give him what you would normally be giving him anyway, but if you do, you get to experience getting oral with no strings attached, and he'll get to experience just how much pleasure he can give you.


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## OhhShiney (Apr 8, 2011)

lovingsummer said:


> Most of the time I don't ask because if my orgasm is the "main objective" then I have more trouble getting there.


Goal-oriented sex sucks. 

It took me years to realize this, the harder you try to achieve a specific purpose/goal during an activity, the more likely you are to feel severe disappointment if it fails. 

My ex used to keep a mental tally of the O:O ratio, despite the HD:LO ratio differences. She wasn't interested in sex with any frequency, but she sure as heck kept track of the number of orgasms we each had, even counting the ones I gave myself when she was totally uninterested. She had very high expectations and lots of resentment. 

Now that I'm older and with a more understanding and accepting wife, we seem to have a more relaxed sex life. She's also LD to my HD, but we don't every make it a goal that there must be an even O:O ratio. I love it when there is, but I don't stress.. 

I would LOVE to be able to just "do her" for fun. I LOVE pleasing her, and take great pleasure in helping her along the path to a massive O. But she seems to think that when I do that she has become my science project, and due to her LD, doesn't often seem to be just horny as often as I do. (nearly every day). She DOES get horny every week or so, and then she is quite direct, but if not, I simply can't get her aroused no matter what I do. I do love to snuggle, neck, hug, and spoon far more than she does, even if it doesn't lead to anything. Oh well. At any rate, it took a while, but I finally gave up the guilt trip my ex used to force on me by pretty much by guilting me into a O:O reciprocation. 

I'm learning to just go with it, accept what's offered, and try to be there when she wants it.


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## OhhShiney (Apr 8, 2011)

kag123 said:


> Its very rare for either H or I to have any sex act be completely one sided from start to finish. Even if that might have been the intention going into it, the other person who supposedly wasn't in the mood gets there quickly and then wants a piece of the action.
> 
> Have you talked to your H about this? If I told my H - hey, sometimes I just want you to get me off, no strings attached...he'd jump me anytime I asked. I can't imagine a man who wouldn't do that.


I'm with you on this, except that I pray for the day my wife would say "I just want you to get me off, no strings attached." 

You have NO IDEA how much I want to do that. There are times I would love to get her off; it is SOOO gratifying to hang on to a woman who is having an O, experience the shivers,shakes, hear the sounds, and watch the relaxation descend … even if I don't get a chance to O along with her, it makes me feel good to help her experience the big O, or even just watch and take in the experience. words escape me. I love it. And it's not a power thing, I just like to see my lover satiated. Sometimes it's the only time I see her completely and totally relaxed. She DOES "let me" give her massages, no strings attached, and that DOES send her into another, 100% relaxed state. 



kag123 said:


> In the situation you mentioned where you go into HJ/BJ and then you are left hanging afterwards...I don't sit around sheepishly hoping my H will figure out that I am horny, I tell him and I pretty much make him do something for me.


My wife will do the same if she wants to continue … she'll take advantage of whatever of mine is still working. She likes to finger herself while I participate in various ways.


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## Miss.Mystified (Aug 7, 2012)

livelaughlovenow said:


> But I also don't mean just vaginally either.... I'm talking hands and mouth... hands and mouth guys, we like it too, unprovoked, not asked for, randomly.


:iagree: :smthumbup:


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## livelaughlovenow (Apr 23, 2012)

Well I took advice and despite hinting before, was more direct, he is direct....was very direct today with an I want you later. I said why not show me some now and prep me for later, while on my lunch, first he looked at me like I had three heads, I showed him how I build anticipation for him, keep him happy in between and keep him wanting more with some quick teasing, and said, "I want the same." he got it....I got a nice lunch treat....of course I returned the favor immediately for him, couldn't resist. Lol but damn if he would come at me more like that...without expectation, I could tell he had none, it would be nice. I do for him a lot and he acknowledged that afterwards, he said you do so much for me, I should be more open to returning the favors. yay! Thanks again TAM!


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## romantic_guy (Nov 8, 2011)

I am a higher drive than she is, but I always make she she has hers if she wants it. In fact, she has felt under pressure at times to orgasm even if she did not want to. So there have been times lately that she is perfectly fine with me going ahead without the expectation that she has an O.

That being said, I would gladly give her oral 5 times a day if she wanted it!!!


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## Wrongdoer (Aug 2, 2012)

She loves her feet being rubbed, and her back tickled. Little things like that make her happy


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## keeper63 (Mar 22, 2012)

Earlier this year, I had a medical issue that precluded me from using my penis for 6 weeks (it was a difficult time in my life, believe me).

Since one-sided sex (whereby I provide oral and/or fingers for her pleasure) was pretty much our only option for sexual release, I offered this to her several times during that "no penis" period.

My wife was very uncomfortable with being the sexual center of attention, and for the first 4 weeks, she told me that she actually preferred to masturbate or use her vibrator in private. Eventually, she was able to loosen up a bit, and let me use the vibrator on her a few times, but no oral (she normally LOVES oral if she knows that it will be followed by PIV), and no fingers.

I think there are many women who are uncomfortable for one-sided sex for a variety of reasons.

My wife finally understood around the 4 week mark when I explained to her that many times she will suck me off, or give me a hand job without any expectation of anything in return, and that she enjoys doing that for me, and I felt the same way about giving her oral/manual without any reciprocation.

Nowadays she will occasionally allow me to give her oral while penetrating her with the vibe, and it doesn't always lead to PIV, which is fine with me!


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## Zatol Ugot? (Mar 5, 2012)

livelaughlovenow said:


> Well I took advice and despite hinting before, was more direct, he is direct....was very direct today with an I want you later. I said why not show me some now and prep me for later, while on my lunch, first he looked at me like I had three heads, I showed him how I build anticipation for him, keep him happy in between and keep him wanting more with some quick teasing, and said, "I want the same." he got it....I got a nice lunch treat....of course I returned the favor immediately for him, couldn't resist. Lol but damn if he would come at me more like that...without expectation, I could tell he had none, it would be nice. I do for him a lot and he acknowledged that afterwards, he said you do so much for me, I should be more open to returning the favors. yay! Thanks again TAM!


:yay::yay:Good for you!


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

keeper63 said:


> My wife finally understood around the 4 week mark when I explained to her that many times she will suck me off, or give me a hand job without any expectation of anything in return, and that she enjoys doing that for me, and I felt the same way about giving her oral/manual without any reciprocation.


My husband is accually LIKE THIS..... A # of times, I'd offer to give him a Bj, going for it ...& he'd tell me he'd wait till I could get mine too... like the next day or so... I'll start anyway & say....."You don't want this baby?" and of course he does..He won't lie, ha ha ...... but seriously, he is not so much into One-sided sex, never has been. He always tells me he wants me to get mine -he aims for us climaxing together even....this is just what "does it" for him. 

To be honest, I even feel this way.. I LOVE doing him... it makes me feel goooood.... but I feel funny if he is only doing me... it just isn't the same (for me- just like he feels) ......but I realized through this... looking upon HOW strongly I feel about giving him pleasure...almost to the point, if he didn't want it, I would be SAD. 

So I also have to "rest" in this - that he feels the same- when he gives me pleasure! It is a true joyous giving on his part.


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

livelaughlovenow said:


> Just curious... men expect us to please them any way possible with our bodies, HJ, BJ, etc.... even when we may not exactly be "hormonally ready" for sex..... so I got to thinking, what do men do for their women in between sex to keep them satisfied, aroused, etc? Specifically.....
> For instance, this am, my dh expressed his need to be drained. We had company all weekend, and my hormones are low as I am getting ready to have my period, I also have a cold sore which made his favorite of BJ out of the question, so I gave him a HJ... but then I got to thinking after reading some posts tonight. He never does extra things for me like that... in between times... of love making... why is there a double standard? Or is it just in my marriage, or is it just because men need to be "released" so much more than women? I love pleasing my husband so please don't attack me, but I have asked him on several occasions to help me stay aroused, get more horny, etc, and he has definitely amped it up during lovemaking and foreplay, etc, but in between, it's the usual simple hugs and kisses and maybe a grope here and there, never has he said, would you like some oral? Or just fingered me to orgasm and that been the end of it, he has always wanted something after, used it as foreplay, wanted something in return, etc...... make sense? Especially during times of the month when our hormones are on the downside of the cycle, it would be nice to have some extra things put in there.... but I am wondering am I alone in this thinking, just really crossed my mind tonight. But we have been exploring lots of ways to make our marriage better, especially in the bedroom.


Absolutely nothing. I never get to sleep in, i am always cooking, cleaning, working (on my computer figuring out other ways to make money from home.) Always running after a 3 year old. I never just get to sit and take time for my self for 5 minutes. 

Amazing i want to have sex at all! Sex for us in usually wham bam thank you mamm (it's only for him,) i usually don't get anything out of it, maybe once a month or less and I have to do all the heavy lifting. I also have a much higher drive then my H. 

I don't need much warm up if any at all!


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## Zatol Ugot? (Mar 5, 2012)

ladybird said:


> Absolutely nothing. I never get to sleep in, i am always cooking, cleaning, working (on my computer figuring out other ways to make money from home.) Always running after a 3 year old. I never just get to sit and take time for my self for 5 minutes.
> 
> Amazing i want to have sex at all! Sex for us in usually wham bam thank you mamm (it's only for him,) i usually don't get anything out of it, maybe once a month or less and I have to do all the heavy lifting. I also have a much higher drive then my H.
> 
> I don't need much warm up if any at all!


Wow Have you discussed this imbalance with your husband?


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## 67flh (Sep 26, 2011)

i do everything i can think of or can read..nothing gets her rolling. i get shut down more than rodney dangerfield.


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