# Start of the separation / divorce



## gdtm0111 (Oct 15, 2012)

from my other posts, we've had our troubles like others here on this forum. the other day I was talking about how we have both gotten to a point where we agree we are no longer in love with each other, but still love each other as the joint parents of one of our kids.

the last 3 days have been questionable - she agreed to still go up to my family's house for Thanksgiving which is a 9 hour drive.

(guess i'll find out quick if she or her friends also read this forum)

tonight she made plans with her girlfriend to go see a movie - they hadn't spent much time together in the last few months due to various reasons. she gets home at midnight, and i wake up hearing her come in the house. she goes to sleep in her sons room - he's out at a buddy's house for the night.

there were a few things that happened that had me wondering if she was really with her friend or a guy - she says they bought their tickets to the movie and then gave them away so they could talk instead.

i'm not real positive that i even care what she was up too. one part of me does, and the other is glad that she's out with her friend.

so i do agree with her, that we should get divorced. the toughest part though (as others have this same issue) is seeing her everyday until we can get a separation agreement and one of us can move out - which will likely be me, though neither of us can afford to stay in the house financially.

for me, it's the immediate upset stomach i usually deal with immediately after a break up. i know it will get easier, but that takes time. i know we are making the right choice, but i still get stomach issues. i'm even working out almost every morning (at home) and have tried the 180 - though i admit it's not working.

the other issue for me, our son is 4 and it's the same age i was when my parents divorced.


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## gdtm0111 (Oct 15, 2012)

so tonight I found out that the other day she was kissing some OM, also married. she says thats over cause his wife found out..... who knows maybe one of the is on this forum.

i know we've already said we were going to divorce, but part of me still feels betrayed. there's still something like 6 months before either of us can move out. too bad i dont have some decent friends, i would have asked to stay somewhere else. however I'm also not taking a chance of loosing my son due to leaving.

so how to people deal with it in the meantime? i'd say guest room, but as it is we only have a 2 bedroom.

i still feel hurt cause I feel that she was so strong willed about divorce, cause she didn't want to feel guilt for kissing the OM.


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## how was your day? (Oct 10, 2012)

sorry to hear about your situation, im not sure what to say other than i as well as others are here for you, even though nobody has posted in your thread yet... i wish you the best and hope everything works out for you


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## how was your day? (Oct 10, 2012)

my wife also connected with work friends, it started out... the frist day they wanted my wife to go to applebees for trivia, i was cool with that, wanted her to have fun and get to know the people she was working with... her best girl 'friend' man... always felt bad about their relationship in a way that i didn't think it was 'healthy' for my wife, her girlfriend has been single forever... she was going out with all these other single people, and now its done...


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

I would imagine posOM has a posOMW.

Expose the affair.

You'll feel much better.


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## wiigirl (Jun 14, 2012)

Conrad said:


> I would imagine posOM has a posOMW.
> 
> Expose the affair.
> 
> You'll feel much better.


Expose the affair I agree, just be dignified about it.


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## gdtm0111 (Oct 15, 2012)

I asked her to tell her parents, as I've already told my dad and brother. She says cause they are in their 70's, she doesn't want to bother them with this.....blah blah blah. I warned her that if she didn't tell them I would and she blew up at me saying how much of a jerk I would be. Saying that it's her issue to tell, not mine.

The OM is married, again his wife found out. My W's response was that the EA/PA happened cause they were having issues in their marriage too, where there was nothing physical/emotional for quite some time. It's all excuses.

I've thought about where else to expose it. I considered exposing on Facebook to some of my friends (messages not wall post) and though I will tell a few, I'm not sure I'll tell all my friends. She had stayed out late on Friday night, cause she was telling her best friend about what had happened.

So yeah, all this hurts. We're still sharing our bed, but she's offered to setup a fouton in our sunroom and sleep there.

Truth is I've kind of had a crush on one of her friends/acquaintances for the last 2 years. I've never flirted with her and she probably has no idea I find her attractive. Maybe I should tell her, knowing what my wife has done and our marriage is dissolving.


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## Dedicated2Her (Nov 13, 2010)

Don't stoop to her level. Tell her to sleep on the futon. Get out of there or have her leave ASAP.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

No. Do not talk to her friend.

All it does is make mess bigger.

You do not need any more headaches.

Do you know how long her Affair with the OM was going on for?

And yes, if you are positive about D then tell her parents. Let her own her crap.


But if I was you I would get all the details of her A first and then sit down with an attorney so you know your rights.

HM64


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## gdtm0111 (Oct 15, 2012)

today we're going out this morning to get an extra bed, for her to sleep in our sunroom.

Agreed on not talking to her friend, I don't need the extra issues right now.

I tried asking more about the A, and the only thing I got was that the emotional part prob started recently and it got physical (kissing) on Thursday. She did say that it didn't happen in our house.

I definitely want to talk to an attorney, and will probably start with calling the local mediator tomorrow.


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## wiigirl (Jun 14, 2012)

gdtm0111 said:


> today we're going out this morning to get an extra bed, for her to sleep in our sunroom.
> 
> Agreed on not talking to her friend, I don't need the extra issues right now.
> 
> ...


Good plan....just try to keep it civil on your part. 








_Posted via Mobile Device_


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