# introduction



## nothingleft (Aug 22, 2012)

I have been reading these forums for almost 10 months now, im a late joiner, sry! i have been apprehensive about joining because it seems like most posters are the leavee's. I am on the other side and its not as easy as some people make it out to be. I stayed in a marriage for years for the children waiting for my husband to become sober and decide to work full time to support his family. The alcohol abuse ended but the pot smoking began and i simply became tired of the dance. We met when we were young and had a lot of fun together, needless to say we matured at different times and degrees and i feel we have nothing in common anymore and my love died years ago. for the sake of the children (we have 4) i tried to make it work: marriage counselling, AA, etc.. but i feel i have nothing left.
These forums have been a lot of help for me over the last months but what troubles me is the blaming that happens from the spouces that are left. Why do some people find it so hard to take personal inventory of themselves and admit to their responsibility in the demise of the relationship? I know i will get several responses calling me a WW, but really how much is one person supposed to take? If its over, what point is there in blaming someone, would you rather spend your life with someone who doesnt love you? and furthermore, did that person give you everything they could but got knocked down one too many times..? 
I just want to express my appreciation for the openness of everyone on these boards and just knowing i was not alone helped but i find the posters who come on here who decided to end their marriage get chastised much too quickly. There are always two sides to every story.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I"m confused... did you have an affair? It almost sounds like you did but it's not clear.

From what you have said I certainly would not blame you for leaving your husband. I would never advise anyone to stay with an alcoholic or drug addicted spouse. They have left the marriage for their addiction already.


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## Shooboomafoo (Mar 30, 2011)

Yep, most posters here would never advise staying in an abusive relationship. These forums have a lot of people dealing with the pain of being cheated on, and then led to believe they caused it, which obviously is an easy blame shift. 
Attempts at counseling and working on the issues is admirable, and if it just doesnt work out I think most people here can understand that.


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## synthetic (Jan 5, 2012)

> i find the posters who come on here who decided to end their marriage get chastised much too quickly.


Not true at all. If anything, this board has too many pro-divorce members. It's a running source of humor here actually!

It's hard to respect an alcoholic. It's even harder to respect a pot-smoking addict. Without respect, marriage is a futile effort. No one is going to chastise you for changing course.


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## Frostflower (Jul 22, 2012)

I agree with what's been said. You have absolutely done the right thing. Could it be that, although you know ending the marriage is right, you are feeling some guilt? That would be perfectly natural. Its hard to end a marriage. But, believe me, you won't get any criticism here.


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