# Can it be really over? Wife wanted some space.



## AustinGalaxy (Jul 18, 2011)

I honestly am not sure where to start. I have a very long (13 years worth) story and it would take a novel to explain everything. I will try to be as straightforward as possible.

Today, my wife and I are in separate counseling mainly trying to fix ourselves before attempting to see a marriage counselor. My wife has told me that she is no longer attracted to me and is disgusted when having sex. She has since started sleeping with different blankets albeit in the same bed and will not reflect any of my affection. She wants to move to a different state and wants to separate/divorce but when asked, she has no plan on how to execute the move and getting a lawyer.

In the past:
We were married young. (both of us were 19)
She claims (within the past few weeks) that I have been emotionally abusive since we were married.
Had our only child when we were 21.
A few months after having our child she had an affair with a co-worker on a business trip.
I confronted her about what I suspected but was convinced I was a jerk.
I got proof about the affair 8 months later and presented the evidence.
Since then, I have made it my top priority to make her life a living hell.
I have never forgiven or forgotten her affair.
I fear that my son is not really mine.
I do believe (even though I have no proof) that she has had other affairs.
About a year after finding out about her affair I started having affairs of my own.
I estimate that over the past 10 years, I have had more than 200+ affairs.
I believe that I would have never had an affair if she had not done so first.
Last year she found some condoms in my car and realized that I was having an affair.
I have come clean and told her everything.

I have recently realized what I have been doing and how I allowed negativity to control my life.
I am in the process of changing. But, it seems too little too late.

And there it is. My life story in a nutshell.

She hates me. I can see it in her eyes. She doesn't look at me and she doesn't smile at me anymore.
She has stated that she does not love me and "it's over".
I want to make things work. She asked for space but I totally messed that up by txting and occasionally calling.

Is a separation really the answer? 
Is it truly over?


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

AustinGalaxy said:


> Since then, I have made it my top priority to make her life a living hell.
> 
> I have never forgiven or forgotten her affair.
> 
> ...


These are your words. You decided to get revenge, allowed it to consume you, and it sounds like you made it your life's project to screw as many women as possible to get back at your wife. Yes, she made a mistake. But *200+ affairs*???

Now you have decided you want to make things better and work on your marriage. Your wife doesn't agree with your plan. It sounds like a case of you wanting what you can no longer have ... or kick around.

Yes, I would say it's truly over. You sound like someone who holds a grudge 20 years into the grave, but now you have decided the grudge match is over. JMO, but your wife being fed up and wanting to move away from you sounds like the catalyst for your remorse.

You need to do some serious soul searching ... and get into counseling.


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## Kauaiguy (May 8, 2011)

An eye for an eye? Too much water under the bridge and too much damaged done. I can't see any resolution to this.

TRUST is major issue here and the RETALIATION only made it that much worse.

I'm sorry for being so blunt but I think that this is heading for more than a separation.

You're lucky in that at this point all she wants is some space.

So there seems to be a SLIVER OF HOPE , But DISTRUST will always linger in the minds and everyone will continually be walking on EGGSHELLS. Not a good sign.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Wow. I mean, I don't know what you want from all of this? People, including yourself, can only take so much.


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## AustinGalaxy (Jul 18, 2011)

@Kauaiguy
Thanks for the response. I'm looking for honest and blunt.
Trust was a HUGE factor from the get go. But again we were young and stupid and we thought we were invincible.
I saw that sliver and I'm hoping that will be enough along with some marriage counseling to get us through this mess and onto a happier life together.


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## AustinGalaxy (Jul 18, 2011)

@that_girl
I'm just looking for some outside perspective. I am truly amazed that my wife has been around for so long. Don't get me wrong, it wasn't a 24/7 barrage of hate. We had some really great moments in our marriage. But the bad times always seem to be what we remember most, isn't it?


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## asylumspadez (Jan 17, 2012)

I think her affair did hurt your marriage greatly (I highly doubt she only had one though) but it was your revenge that made it a marriage that almost isnt worth saving. If you truly want it to work then you need to grow up and work on moving forward, stop looking in the past.

Also if you fear that your child isnt yours then get a DNA test.


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

200 affairs over a 10-year period? Is that realistic?

or ONS?


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