# marriage based on lies..



## shine

Hi all
I desperately need some advice.
I have been married for two years now.i am 25 and my husband is 27
i married my husband just after dating him for a month( i know i was stupid). I come from a highly educated and financially well off family.when i was dating him he lied to me about his education, his family background,financial status,upbringing in fact everything except for his name..we both were international student studying in london.
I trusted every words he said and got married without letting our family know.

He never even tried to tell me the truth.I only got to know about his lies after six month when my parents met his parents. I was totally devastated. when i confronted him he said he loved me so much and was afraid to loose me.I did not melt by this but thought of giving it another chance.Even after that he lied to me several time regarding other issues.

Now comes my in-laws.( i am studying law to become a barrister and both my parents are barrister and they are paying my fees and expenses) they started saying that even they want my husband to study law and be a barrister. I was happy to hear that and told them it will be great if we can be in the same profession.but they had a different intention.As i come from a well off family they were expecting me to pay for his fees which will altogether cost like £30,000. I fell from the sky learning what they said I freaked out. I had huge fight with my husband regarding this.he tried to talk to his parents but it did not stop them...they were pressurising me and it was a mental torture.Then I decided to stop talking to them. still it did not get any better. 
since then I always thought my husband just married me for my money, I was being used and betrayed.he is not financially stable, I pay for my expenses sometime even his.
I dont think i love him anymore.My feelings towards him started to fade. I don't believe anything he says. I want to believe him but I cant. I cant connect with him,we hardly have anything in common.I am very friendly,outgoing,social person, at the beginning he also projected himself as me but he is not..I don't think i can spend the rest of my life with him.i had discussed this matter with 2 of my friend and both of them asked me to leave him as its not too late yet.

Now I came to a point where i think i am just dragging this relation. our marriage was based on a lie.I told him i want a divorce and also told him the reason but he is asking me to give him another chance.

now do you all think what i am doing is right or it can ever get any better.??
please help me out.. i dont have my family here with me i did not discuss it with them.

thank you in advance.


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## accept

you should discuss it with your parents.


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## calif_hope

You should seek an annulment if possible in the UK.........you married a fictional character - not worthy if your time or commitment.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## accept

Some parents pay a lot more than 30k to get a good SIL.
Being a liar I thing is good training for a QC. He could give you much more lessons than any professor or lecturer. Keeping to the truth never got a QC very far. The whole point of being a QC is to get the jury to believe your lies.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

You wouldn't be the first college student taken advantage of by a scammer (and his parents). 

You don't need any valid reason for divorce from someone who married you and while courting you was lying. That's the oldest trick in the book. 

I got married in university to someone like this. It turned out just about everything he said about his history was a lie. So I got a divorce. I think the experience will help you gain some perspective in your new profession. Why we have it. Is because honest people can make legal mistakes, and then be brutalized in their own homes, like mental arm wrestling, a match they never intended to sign up for.

Get a divorce quickly, and rely on the paper trail, because probably he is the type to start causing trouble, like trashing your credit, setting you up for academic failure such as setting the stage for plagarism, trying to get you pregnant, or worse, trying to make you disabled in some way so that you look ridiculous for wanting to get a divorce. Make a clean break. Maybe even think about studying abroad for a year, to put some distance between you, he can't afford to go abroad, you can. Take the money you spend on him and put it to use for a plane ticket. (After divorce.)


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## Thor

An annulment sounds like an interesting idea. Based on all his lies maybe it would work. But does it matter if it is a divorce vs an annulment?

My opinion is that he has lied so deeply and so broadly that it would be nearly impossible to establish any kind of trust going forward. If you had written that he was making all kinds of efforts towards trust, etc etc, then there might be a possibility.

What he has done seems like a scam, not like he was a bit embarrassed so he embellished a little bit. His parents' attitude seem pretty instructive, too. His values are right in line with theirs.

You have no kids with him, no major long term financial ties like a house or business. I say run like your ass is on fire. Normally I am very pro marriage and pro family, but not in your case.


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## accept

She hasnt come back and there must be more to it. Maybe marrying him so quick was her 'ticket' to stay in the uk.


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## synthetic

I don't understand. Who marries someone after 1 month in the UK?!! I mean I could understand if this happened in a culturally strict country where being seen together often without being married was taboo, but UK?

I agree with accept. There is legal residency issues mixed with this most likely.


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## shine

accept said:


> She hasnt come back and there must be more to it. Maybe marrying him so quick was her 'ticket' to stay in the uk.


I did not marry him to stay in uk.. we both were in student visa.I m still in.he finished his graduation and in PSW(post study work) visa now. In fact my permission to stay here in uk is more then his now.. he only has a year and half left and i have 3 more year.


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## shine

synthetic said:


> I don't understand. Who marries someone after 1 month in the UK?!! I mean I could understand if this happened in a culturally strict country where being seen together often without being married was taboo, but UK?
> 
> I agree with accept. There is legal residency issues mixed with this most likely.


I konw it was stupid of me to do that.. but i trusted him with all my heart. he projected himself exactly the way i always wanted in a man.I could never imagine that a person would lie before getting married. Coz normally people discloses everything before they decide to get married. Thats how i believe and thought everyone thinks the same.

Regarding residency issue... he is not a uk citizen in fact when i met him he was having issue. His visa got refused then he appealed and got the permission to stay.


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## shine

Thanx guys for taking your time time out to reply and advise me. sorry for coming back late. 
Getting a divorce would not be tough.we are Muslim and got married in muslim way(like by calling a Qazi and he performing the ritual).we did not register our marriage in court.according to uk law marriage is not legal or does not have any validity unless we register it in court.we still use our status as single . we don't have any property 
together.It will be easy for me to get out of this relation.

I was really confused about my situation.Now it feels good to know that i am going in the right path by thinking of getting divorced. thank u all for advising me.I really appreciate.


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## accept

I wasnt aware that muslim law is so accommodating. Isnt the man there only allowed to divorce?


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## shine

accept said:


> I wasnt aware that muslim law is so accommodating. Isnt the man there only allowed to divorce?


yes u are rite its the man who has to give divorce.but I think i can make him do that.coz he knows he is at fault and definitely don't want me to take some legal action like file a case against him for misrepresentation and fraudulently marrying me..


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## shine

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> You wouldn't be the first college student taken advantage of by a scammer (and his parents).
> 
> You don't need any valid reason for divorce from someone who married you and while courting you was lying. That's the oldest trick in the book.
> 
> I got married in university to someone like this. It turned out just about everything he said about his history was a lie. So I got a divorce. I think the experience will help you gain some perspective in your new profession. Why we have it. Is because honest people can make legal mistakes, and then be brutalized in their own homes, like mental arm wrestling, a match they never intended to sign up for.
> 
> Get a divorce quickly, and rely on the paper trail, because probably he is the type to start causing trouble, like trashing your credit, setting you up for academic failure such as setting the stage for plagarism, trying to get you pregnant, or worse, trying to make you disabled in some way so that you look ridiculous for wanting to get a divorce. Make a clean break. Maybe even think about studying abroad for a year, to put some distance between you, he can't afford to go abroad, you can. Take the money you spend on him and put it to use for a plane ticket. (After divorce.)


thanx a lot dear..


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## pumpkin71

if its a marriage based on lies .. then its not a marriage!


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## accept

*yes u are rite its the man who has to give divorce.but I think i can make him do that.coz he knows he is at fault and definitely don't want me to take some legal action like file a case against him for misrepresentation and fraudulently marrying me..*
I hope it wont cost you too much, he knows youve got money. By the way as a Queens Counsel your English spelling will have to be improved.
If I were you I would give up religion altogether or choose another one. Not exactly sure what you mean file a case, fraudulently marrying! Youre not married according to English law.


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## shine

Ignore my spelling mistakes(I use a lot of short form).. its true my marriage is not valid unless I register it but it still has its validity under sharia law..which is recognised in English law as a medium of dispute resolution.

It will not be a problem for me to get a divorce. I was just confused whether to give it another chance or let it go. Had a discussion with my husband last night,made him understand that there is no point dragging this relation.I don't trust him any more, I don't love him.so not worth it.He agrees but still trying to convince me but I have made up my mind.probably next month we will get divorced..
wish me luck...


thanx a lot everyone...  your advice made it easy for me.


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## warlock07

Yeah, even his family is full of users. What country are you from? Pakistan?


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## shine

no not pakistan.. i dont wanna disclose.. sorryy..


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