# blow jobs..



## life.questions (Jun 24, 2014)

My Fiance really wants to finish in my mouth, but I have an extremely hard time with him cumming in my mouth and swallowing because it makes me gag/throw up. Is there any way to over come this, or is it something that he is just going to have to deal with?


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## Happyquest (Apr 21, 2009)

If it makes you sick and throw up I would say he is going to have to learn to deal with it. Your a package deal if you dont like the idea of taking his cum then dont. 

If he wants a woman that will thats his choice too. Its the risk you take. If its high on his list he might look later in life for someone that will do it. 


You all really need to discuss what you both are willing to life with?
Can you get use to spitting it?


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## IndyTMI (Oct 26, 2012)

What about spitting afterwards and not swallowing?
I personally don't see the benefit of having my wife swallow if she doesn't want to, makes no difference to me. But it does feel nice to release while in the mouth, no doubt!


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## keeper63 (Mar 22, 2012)

My wife will occasionally let me finish in her mouth, but she doesn't swallow. She says it gives her an intense stomach ache afterwards. I'm OK with her letting it run out of her mouth, and/or spitting it out, as long as she doesn't make a big production out of it.

She is happy to let me cum on her face, or pretty much anywhere else in or on her body for that matter. Swallowing is simply an issue for her. For me, I probably want her to swallow mostly because that is something I can't have, it's not a big deal.

OP, you should talk to him about this some time when you are not about to, in the middle of, or just finished giving him a BJ. Let him know it makes you physically sick to swallow it. Perhaps he would be OK with you letting him cum in your mouth if you can spit it out, or let him cum on your face or some other part of your body. It's a communication issue of you ask me.

BTW, I have been married for 26 years.


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## NorCalMan (Dec 14, 2011)

Never been permitted to cum in my wifes mouth ... she always pulls away and finishes with her hand ... no big deal for me ... married over 30 years!


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## terrence4159 (Feb 3, 2013)

im a guy and if it made my wife sick i wouldnt do it, now does my wife swallow yeah not because she likes it because it is easier, nothing to clean up. gives her a stomach ache so rarley do i finish in her mouth for that reason


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

Depending how pushy he is about this.

If he's politely asking, not so bad.

But if he's being really pushy about this, bad sign.
Points to troubles ahead. Points to self centeredness, aggressive, control behavior. Doesn't make for good husband IMHO.

If he's pushy with this, is he pushy with other things? If so, better to find out know then later.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

Lila said:


> I am a wife who's never allowed hubby to finish a bj in my mouth. He learned the hard way that I don't just gag, I throw up. Don't know if it's something about the texture or consistency. However, in my 20 year relationship with hubby, I've tried just about all of the products in the market to help with gag reflexes. None have worked for me. Fortunately, it's not a deal breaker for my husband.
> 
> FWIW, if your fiancee truly cares about you, he won't expect or demand that he finish in your mouth. If he doesn't understand what you go through, ask him to let you shove a toothbrush to the back of his throat to trigger his gag reflex.
> 
> _Posted via *Topify* on Android_


Well dayum, you really tried. My hats off to you.

And if the fiancee really cares, don't put a tootbrush to the back of the throat, put in his mouth a dildo approximately his size and try to work it into his throat. I'm not sure he would be motivated to do this...


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## deb9017 (Nov 8, 2010)

If you are willing to work on it, then do so. But if it is just something that you really, really do not want to try, then tell him so. If you do decide to try to work on it, my suggestion is that when you know he is getting close, try to have him as deep as possible. This is what I normally try to do, and it just kind of goes right down my throat, no need to swallow. I don't really like to have him cum in my mouth, cause its kind of ick. But if it goes right down my throat it does not bother me a bit!


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

deb9017 said:


> If you are willing to work on it, then do so. But if it is just something that you really, really do not want to try, then tell him so. If you do decide to try to work on it, my suggestion is that when you know he is getting close, try to have him as deep as possible. This is what I normally try to do, and it just kind of goes right down my throat, no need to swallow. I don't really like to have him cum in my mouth, cause its kind of ick. But if it goes right down my throat it does not bother me a bit!


**** Eyes big as saucers ****:circle:


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## SevenYears (Jun 23, 2014)

If your not comfortable doing it then I wouldn't. I'm sure your husband will be ok. I don't think he'd enjoy making you sick


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## askari (Jun 21, 2012)

BJ's are very important to men. Even more so to those who don't get them!

I guess in a way its like tongue kissing....its very personal. PIV all happens 'down there'...oral happens...well, up here!

Letting your partner ejaculate in you mouth is, for him, a sign that you are 'accepting' his seed. If you swallow, even more so.

However, I can appreciate your not liking the taste etc. Sometimes we all have to do things we dont particularly like doing...but we do them because of teh pleasure it gives someone we love.

Maybe occasionally surprise your husband and let him cum in your mouth....and if you really cant swallow, wait a minutes whilst he 'dies' down the let it dribble out over his c0ck....

My wife of 20 years has NEVER even kissed my c0ck...Do it for him. Occasionally.


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## Kylie84 (May 4, 2012)

Life, this is a simple one. If you naturally have a strong gag reflex and you can't swallow then your other half will have to be ok with that.
You can lick it a little bit in aide to using your hands but don't force yourself into a situation where you are uncomfortable or might make you be sick. Making love on any level is supposed to be enjoyable for both parties involved.


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## roostr (Oct 20, 2012)

If it is that important to him have him throw a condom on at the end. If its not important, which imo, it shouldnt be, then simply dont swallow it, I can certainly understand why you wouldnt want to as I wouldnt want to either, lol, but then again Im a guy and dont have to cross that bridge.


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

A radio call in "sex expert" used to recommend what she referred to as the porn star blow job for women who couldn't swallow. Basically don't really allow the cum to enter your mouth but push it out and let it run back down his c*ck. Most guys would love that imagery.


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## Q tip (Apr 15, 2014)

Choking might be you are breathing when you should stop. Experiment a bit. Like holding your breath a bit.


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## over20 (Nov 15, 2013)

life.questions said:


> My Fiance really wants to finish in my mouth, but I have an extremely hard time with him cumming in my mouth and swallowing because it makes me gag/throw up. Is there any way to over come this, or is it something that he is just going to have to deal with?




There is a book called "Blow him away" by Marcy Michaels. It is a great place to start. You sound like a very loving fiance who is trying to understand your honey. You are already off to a great start. The book is very good...just adjust it to your own love life.



Welcome to TAM


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## Randy52 (Oct 15, 2011)

Whether or not it's deal breaker depends on the fiancee's level of experience and what he has been acustomed to. From our first time before we married, my wife has always let me finish in her mouth and has swallowed every time. It's never been a big deal to her because that's how she learned and has always done it. It was a new experience for me, but now after 18 years I can't imagine any other ending.

The best thing is to have a serious talk with your fiancee and agree on expectations and boundries. If it is a deal breaker, it's best to find out now.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

over20 said:


> There is a book called "Blow him away" by Marcy Michaels. It is a great place to start. You sound like a very loving fiance who is trying to understand your honey. You are already off to a great start. The book is very good...just adjust it to your own love life.
> 
> 
> 
> Welcome to TAM


A whole book on blow jobs! who woulda ever thought?

what would granny and grandpa have thought?


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## changedbeliefs (Jun 13, 2014)

Just wanted to say, I approve of this thread :smthumbup:. Continue....


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## Thunder7 (Jan 2, 2013)

jorgegene said:


> A whole book on blow jobs! who woulda ever thought?
> 
> what would granny and grandpa have thought?


If they were happily married they'd probably think, 'we don't need no stinkin' book'.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

My husband has told me - several times - that he'd like to finish in my mouth one day. I adore him, his body, I love sex with him, his smell, his taste, the whole bit. But I can't do that.

I tried it once, never again. It's like having a mouthful of snot forced into your mouth...yuck.

Happy to take him all the way, and he can finish anywhere on my body, but not in my mouth.

Your fiancé won't die if he can't cum in your mouth.

_Posted via *Topify* using iPhone/iPad_


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## where_are_we (May 24, 2013)

If you are the gaggy type my advice would be to not spit. Especially if it is a texture thing for you. That will more likely make it 100 times worse for you. 

If you time it so it is in the way back of your throat when he finishes it will go right down. No feeling it or tasting it. Problem solved.


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## srysyi (Jun 29, 2014)

You all really need to discuss what you both are willing to life with?


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## murphy5 (May 1, 2014)

IndyTMI said:


> What about spitting afterwards and not swallowing?
> I personally don't see the benefit of having my wife swallow if she doesn't want to, makes no difference to me. But it does feel nice to release while in the mouth, no doubt!


yeah, just pretend to swallow it. As you suck the **** head for more cum, just let the mouthful leak out of your mouth. He will be too busy to really notice.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

life.questions said:


> My Fiance really wants to finish in my mouth, but I have an extremely hard time with him cumming in my mouth and swallowing because it makes me gag/throw up. Is there any way to over come this, or is it something that he is just going to have to deal with?



I think most ladies don't like the taste of their men having an orgasm in their mouth and then swallowing.

What my wifee and I did is as follows:

She knows I love her BJ's, so over our marriage she has got fantastic at giving them. She doesn't like the taste of me, so I asked her, what can I do? She said, have her fav drink right beside her, so immediately after swallowing and finishing me off, she has her chocolate almond milk. She likes this, and even burps afterwards, giggling. Before, she wasn't too happy swallowing or even the taste of me in her mouth. Another thing we tried, was I only ate fruit the last 12 hours before she gave me a BJ. She told me, I tasted better and almost sweet. I also let my wifee have complete control of the BJ, so she is relaxed and comfy doing it. This makes a big difference for her as well.

http://www.thegloss.com/2010/03/30/sex-and-dating/how-to-get-over-your-gag-reflex/

http://www.thefrisky.com/2009-03-13/doin-it-with-dr-v-deep-throat-tips-from-a-sword-swallower1/


Hope this helps you.


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## Maneo (Dec 4, 2012)

askari said:


> BJ's are very important to men. Even more so to those who don't get them!
> 
> 
> .



It is very important to some men but not all men. For instance, no big deal to me though my spouse is quite willing. So we rarely do it and I wouldn't miss it if it was never. But for some guys it is a big deal. 

For the OP, sounds like you and he need to have a heart to heart away from the bedroom and each be clear to the other if this is a deal breaker for either of you.


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## omgitselaine (Sep 5, 2013)

The men Ive known and been intimate with have always enjoyed the " swallowing " part of my BJ's ........ quite a few were actually pleasantly surprised when I did since it seems only a very few handful of women would swallow !?

Guess this made me ummmm ................ " special "  !?


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## Sporto (Jun 18, 2012)

Will he accept just cumming on your face?


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## over20 (Nov 15, 2013)

omgitselaine said:


> The men Ive known and been intimate with have always enjoyed the " swallowing " part of my BJ's ........ quite a few were actually pleasantly surprised when I did since it seems only a very few handful of women would swallow !?
> 
> Guess this made me ummmm ................ " special "  !?


You sound like a great wife Elaine :smthumbup:


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

life.questions said:


> My Fiance really wants to finish in my mouth, but I have an extremely hard time with him cumming in my mouth and swallowing because it makes me gag/throw up. Is there any way to over come this, or is it something that he is just going to have to deal with?


Gag and throw up on him!


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## FizzBomb (Dec 31, 2013)

NobodySpecial said:


> Gag and throw up on him!


:lol: you just made me lol


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## johny1989 (May 21, 2014)

Well just give him bj and use your hand to and if unfortunately he will cum in to your mouth and don't swallow it.. give him bj and when he will cum just pull it out but keep using your hand.. I have to do this with my ex gf and she is not ready for that so she kept busy her hand during bj and I really feel better during that time..


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## Coldie (Jan 2, 2014)

Snowball me all you want, I do not like the taste but will swallow anything my wife's heart desires just to show her it really isn't big deal. In fact, if I was to cum in my wife's mouth and she wanted to make out with the cum on both of our lips, I am totally fine with that. I do not really enjoy the flavor but the intimacy turns me on and I'd never hurt my wife's feelings and go back to being 7 years old again. "Eww, that is so icky!"

I guess it's the type of person you marry. If the woman is prude and finds the fluids in the body of her "soul mate" icky and disgusting, then you can pretty much tell how well she performs in bed. I will say this across the board, a woman not swallowing will be boring in bed. Argue this all you want, but anyone that finds semen icky and gross, or the texture like snot, is going to be very boring in bed. So, if those women found a man that is okay with boring sex, more power to them. For every alpha there is a beta. 

With that said, when me and my wife were just boyfriend and girlfriend, we both immediately understood that it was no longer about what I wanted, but about what we both wanted. She could build up spit in her mouth or chewed up food, and look me in the eyes and say, "Eat this." If I said no, I failed her little test. To most people that may be gross, to me I got it. I got that she no longer wanted to be a separate person and if she was to chew on it, her germs, her teeth, her saliva, her food, was exactly the same as my food. There is no difference. If I am grossed out, then I haven't mentally connected with her. We both needed this connection. The same goes for her vagina juices, or my semen. If it comes from my body, especially through the act of making love, it's special. No other human on earth can taste or have this. She let's me know it's special. 

If she were to gag or vomit, I would know that I married a woman with the mentality of a 7 year old. 

Not to mention, I can't imagine eating a vagina and saying to the woman. I will eat your vagina but I won't lick inside your hole and taste your juices, it is so gross to me and makes me gag. In fact, if you could, put a cork in your vagina so when you get wet, I do not have to feel the texture. I just want to play with the clitoris and keep all the wet texture away from my mouth or I will throw up on you. As dumb as that sounds? That's how I view most of these replies. Sorry to anyone I offended.


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

frusdil said:


> My husband has told me - several times - that he'd like to finish in my mouth one day. I adore him, his body, I love sex with him, his smell, his taste, the whole bit. But I can't do that.


No such thing as "I can't". It's only "I won't".

Sure you can have him finish in your mouth. But you have selfishly decided that it's not something you're willing to do for the man you supposedly love. And you have that right. But be honest, at least with yourself- and call it what it is. 



frusdil said:


> It's like having a mouthful of snot forced into your mouth...yuck.


No it isn't. The millions of women who happily such down their partner's cum do not agree with your arbitrary comparison. 

That's on you.



Coldie said:


> If she were to gag or vomit, I would know that I married a woman with the mentality of a 7 year old.


Gagging or vomiting on a load of unexpected semen is more reflexive than anything else but there's also a psychological component that can be overcum, with practice. 

It has nothing to do with a person's maturity level.



Coldie said:


> I do not like the taste but will swallow anything my wife's heart desires just to show her it really isn't big deal.
> 
> She could build up spit in her mouth or chewed up food, and look me in the eyes and say, "Eat this." If I said no, I failed her little test.





Coldie said:


> If I am grossed out, then I haven't mentally connected with her. .. If it comes from my body, especially through the act of making love, it's special. No other human on earth can taste or have this. She let's me know it's special.



Do you eat her poop too? You'd probably get extra credit




.


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## Coldie (Jan 2, 2014)

lenzi said:


> Gagging or vomiting on a load of unexpected semen is more reflexive than anything else but there's also a psychological component that can be overcum, with practice.
> 
> It has nothing to do with a person's maturity level.
> 
> ...


As I said, maturity level. Semen or saliva is not poop. Poop has e-coli and other harmful components. It's also human waste. Not comparable to semen, saliva, food, or anything I mentioned.

I am not in marriage for extra credit. I'm out of school.


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

Coldie said:


> I am not in marriage for extra credit. I'm out of school.





Coldie said:


> She could build up spit in her mouth or chewed up food, and look me in the eyes and say, "Eat this." If I said no, I failed her little test.


You're still in school Coldie.

You just have a new teacher.


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## Coldie (Jan 2, 2014)

lenzi said:


> You're still in school Coldie.
> 
> You just have a new teacher.


Again, being that the example you quoted was from 18 years ago, while I was in high school, you would be absolutely correct.

I'll be mature enough to not continue going back and forth with you though. My opinion, although is like an ahole and stinks, still stands.


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## omgitselaine (Sep 5, 2013)

over20 said:


> You sound like a great wife Elaine :smthumbup:


Looking over my shoulder .............. who moi  ?? You are far too gracious with your compliment and Joe I am sure would beg to differ !?!?!?



Sporto said:


> Will he accept just cumming on your face?


Ummmm .............. nope he actually would not complain to this at all  ?!?!?!


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## vellocet (Oct 18, 2013)

I'm not real concerned. Would it be nice for her to finish me that way? Absolutely. But I'd understand if she didn't want to.

Guys that are really concerned about it could always turn the tables and say, "well, ok, if you don't want to you don't want to....by the way, if I'm going down on you, here is a bottle of Summer's Eve", because there are guys out there that think the smell of the V isn't all that great either.

I remember my first time going down, I almost threw up. And yes, it was clean, it was just that I wasn't use to the odor. Still don't really like it, but I do my duty anyway because that is what she is going to want.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

lenzi said:


> No such thing as "I can't". It's only "I won't".
> 
> Sure you can have him finish in your mouth. But you have selfishly decided that it's not something you're willing to do for the man you supposedly love. And you have that right. But be honest, at least with yourself- and call it what it is.
> 
> ...


Did you even read my post?? I DID try it. I didn't like it. I won't do it again. If that makes me selfish then I guess I am.

Pffffft.


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## colonelkfc (Jul 4, 2014)

What kind of guy would want you to swallow if it was going to make you sick ?

Keep a tissue at hand and spit it straight out. My Wife chooses not to swallow, but damn she can suck so good


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## FizzBomb (Dec 31, 2013)

colonelkfc said:


> *What kind of guy would want you to swallow if it was going to make you sick ?*
> 
> Keep a tissue at hand and spit it straight out. My Wife chooses not to swallow, but damn she can suck so good


:iagree: Exactly. The colonel has spoken. I always had a weakness for kfc


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## colonelkfc (Jul 4, 2014)

FizzBomb said:


> :iagree: Exactly. The colonel has spoken. I always had a weakness for kfc


Thankyou. And in return, she is "finger lickin' good"


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

I guess my thoughts are. Push your envelope as far as it will go to please your partner. And no farther.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

FizzBomb said:


> :iagree: Exactly. The colonel has spoken. I always had a weakness for kfc


I've thought about this same scenario. For a non-swallower to just keep a moist rag next to her. This is good for pull out sex too, because dried up cum on her skin isn't comfy.

So she lets you cum in her mouth, and doesn't pull off until you have finished. After this she can spit it out curtly into the rag.

Nothing worse than someone running for the bathroom like they have battery acid in their mouth after a bj. It kills all the pleasure.


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## jaharthur (May 25, 2012)

Lila said:


> Or better yet, give him a taste of his own, uhm, "medicine". Snowball it. LMAO.


Yes, please do. BTDT. So I have a basis for not thinking it's any big deal.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening all
Different things are important to different men, it is not "one size fits all". For some, blowjobs don't matter. Others really like blowjobs but don't care where they finish. Some want to finish in their lover's mouth, but don't care if they swallow. Some want their partners to swallow.

Its not reasonable or rational - but then sex generally isn't. There is no "rational" reason kissing is nice, but most people really enjoy it.

If a woman's partner is willing to do what she wants in bed then I think it is worth her making a real try at doing this for him. For men who really want this, saying now feels like a real rejection. It may be the difference between them thinking they have a "happy" sex life, and thinking they don't. You really want your partner to be happy with their sex life. 

You don't need to do it, but I believe it is really worth a try. (assuming that they are willing to really try for you).


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

deb9017 said:


> If you are willing to work on it, then do so. But if it is just something that you really, really do not want to try, then tell him so. If you do decide to try to work on it, my suggestion is that when you know he is getting close, try to have him as deep as possible. This is what I normally try to do, and it just kind of goes right down my throat, no need to swallow. I don't really like to have him cum in my mouth, cause its kind of ick. But if it goes right down my throat it does not bother me a bit!


This is what my GF does and swears by it. She says she can tell when I am getting close....not sure how but might be that I become suddenly very religious....she says she puts it in the back of her throat and never tastes a thing....ok by me so long as I finish inside


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## over20 (Nov 15, 2013)

Over the teeth and through the gums, watch out tummy here hubs cums...


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Lila said:


> Richard, I was totally in agreement with you until the bolded part.
> 
> I believe sex should be *mutually* satisfying to both partners in a relationship. Martyring oneself for your partner's enjoyment will only breed resentment.
> 
> ...


:rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:


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## kilgore (Dec 14, 2012)

Catherine602 said:


> :rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:


it does seem like there are a lot of guys who are ungrateful ****heads


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening Lila
I don't think we are really disagreeing much on that point. I am just suggesting that it is best if partners make a real effort to please each other, even if it means sometimes doing things you don't particularly enjoy. I'm not talking about things that are really horrible. 

This also has to be mutual -each honestly doing their best for the other.

I guess I am just reacting to the frequent comment that "you should never do anything you don't like in bed". I think a sexual gift (doing something you don't particularly enjoy to please your partner) is a perfectly reasonable thing to do - assuming that they will do the same for you. 

So if swallowing is really horribly gross to you, or if your husband doesn't particularly want it, then you shouldn't do it. OTOH, if you can tolerate it, and if it is something that really matters to him, then maybe it is worth doing occasionally as a special treat for him - assuming that he does all sorts of nice things for you. If he doesn't do everything he can for you in bed, then that is a different issue.




Lila said:


> Richard, I was totally in agreement with you until the bolded part.
> 
> I believe sex should be *mutually* satisfying to both partners in a relationship. Martyring oneself for your partner's enjoyment will only breed resentment.
> 
> ...


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

Lila said:


> Richard, I was totally in agreement with you until the bolded part.
> 
> I believe sex should be *mutually* satisfying to both partners in a relationship. Martyring oneself for your partner's enjoyment will only breed resentment.
> 
> ...


so if your husband said it in a loving way you would be vandictive?

so open honest comunication would be cause for you to lash out and then deprive him of all sex?

But if you loving told him you need more romance he should take notice and try his best ....did I get that right .


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

I'll take that as a yes its my way or I'm going to brow beat you until you think MY way.

ok got it. 

open honest comunication is all about what you think.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

Lila said:


> So you're implying that honest communication means accept his definition of unhappy without argument? Am I not allowed to give him evidence to the contrary?
> 
> Can't say that I agree with you.
> 
> _Posted via *Topify* on Android_


yep thats what I'm sayin.

hes telling you how he feels. you don't get to argue how someone else feels its their feelings. and they are allowed to have them.


you could say I just can't do that for you ....insert reason why.....and I hope you can compromise and accept that I can't do it.

JMO


just say for example that you comunicated that you wish he was more romantic or payed more attention to your hobby and him saying come over here and look at this web site you have it luck compaired to thease people.


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## Coldie (Jan 2, 2014)

Lila said:


> First, I'd ask him to recount ALL of the sexual activities we do partake in. Then I'd sit him in front of the computer so he could read all of the threads on TAM started by people in truly "unhappy" sex lives.
> 
> My husband is far from dumb. He'd get the picture quick.
> 
> _Posted via *Topify* on Android_


And if my wife did this to me, I would ask her to recount everything I do for her, her family, and our relationship, including the 100s of small things I don't want to do and would have never done otherwise unless she asked or needed it. I'd then sit her down and put her in front of a lawyers website and let her browse through all the legal articles dealing with divorce. Then she could really see where "unhappy" marriages end up.

My wife is far from dumb. She'd get the picture real quick.


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## Coldie (Jan 2, 2014)

Btw, my last post was very ignorant. That post wasn't about swallowing, it was about the idea of someone feeling unhappy and rejected, and as a result being shown other people who are also unhappy (with different situations), as a way to teach your spouse a lesson or make him magically be happy again. 

Why not sit him down in front of the endless men who are head over heels in love because of everything their spouses do for them, and how them being swallowed by their wives makes them feel totally loved and accepted in every way? Or does he have to ignore that reality? He can only look at the worse case scenarios and be happy with what he gets. 

Sad, imo.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

chillymorn said:


> I'll take that as a yes its my way or I'm going to brow beat you until you think MY way.
> 
> ok got it.
> 
> open honest comunication is all about what you think.


Ya there's nothing "mutually satisfying" about any of that. It's settling for less and pretending like you're happy with it.


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## Coldie (Jan 2, 2014)

Lila said:


> No argument with you there. You are providing her with a frame of reference.
> 
> I'll be the first to admit that some of us ladies are spoiled by our DHs. Sometimes we need that "bam", this is what the other side lives like, to help us appreciate what we have at home.


You really weren't supposed to agree with that.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening Lila
I'm afraid that here we completely disagree. To me happiness, love and intimacy have nothing to do with counting or keeping score. To me it is about desires, and fulfilling the desires of the person you love if you possibly can.





Lila said:


> First, I'd ask him to recount ALL of the sexual activities we do partake in. Then I'd sit him in front of the computer so he could read all of the threads on TAM started by people in truly "unhappy" sex lives.
> 
> My husband is far from dumb. He'd get the picture quick.
> 
> _Posted via *Topify* on Android_


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Lila said:


> LOL, Why?
> 
> Everyone (husbands AND wives) need a swift kick in the a$$ sometimes to get us thinking straight again. It's like hitting ctrl/alt/del to reboot the system.


The big problem with this is that it really doesn't matter what goes on in other relationships, what others are or aren't happy with. That is along the lines of the whole "Keeping up with the Jones'" mindset, which is very destructive to a relationship. It is marginalizing and comes off as rationalizing away the other persons wants and needs, as well as the persons responsibility to their partner.

Every relationship is different, and we see this type of behavior here fairly often. Usually along the lines of sexual frequency. A poster here asks how often to most normal couples have sex? They are looking for people outside of their relationship to provide a rationalization they can present to their partner in an effort to tell them they either should be having more sex or less sex, when the only two who matter are the ones in the relationship.

If my wife showed me a website of people who were happy with something I was unhappy about, I would look at her and say "Good for them, now what about us?"


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Another way to look at it is if I tell you I am hungry, telling me their are people even hungrier elsewhere in the world isn't going to make me any less hungry.

All that being said, the same thing does apply to say the woman who wants to receive oral every day and her man who only wants to do it once a week...it's just as wrong for her to say "...but so and so's husband does it every day..."


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Contrary to what I post sometimes, I think it's a mistake to bring an adversarial attitude home. I can vent all I want on TAM when little stupid things happen in my life. Its a safe place to let off steam. It is not worth it to me to take the trouble to be petty and selfish. 

But we are human and it's hard to be reasonable all of the time. The trick is to recognize when you are being entitled and self-centered. Yes, I think sometimes you need to be happy with what you have. I don't have all the things I would like right now and it has been very difficult. But, I'm not entitled to everything.

Sitting a supposed loved one down and threatening D is a hostile act that says you don't really love that person. Even if the person capitulates, you can be sure to reap the consequences of that hostilit. It is better to D if you get to that point. In such cases, the home is a battle field and not the safe harbor it should be. 

Overall, I am happy with my marriage and the hard work my husband puts in for us. I work hard too. I could make everyone miserable because I don't have everything that I want or I could choose to be happy with what I have which is a lot more than other deserving people have. 

Since I am in general happy, there is no reason to deny myself or my husband the fun, affection and feelings of love that sex brings. Besides, he is not my enemy.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

samyeagar said:


> Another way to look at it is if I tell you I am hungry, telling me their are people even hungrier elsewhere in the world isn't going to make me any less hungry.
> 
> All that being said, the same thing does apply to say the woman who wants to receive oral every day and her man who only wants to do it once a week...it's just as wrong for her to say "...but so and so's husband does it every day..."


Is there any reason why the woman should not be happy with the number of times her husband gives? Gratitude focuses on others. that's what life is all about. Chronically entitled people are concerned for themselves and what they don't have. 

They give nothing away because they feel they are not getting everything they want. That starts a cycle of unnecessary feelings of deprivation. For all their claims of giving they really give nothing because they are not grateful for what they have. . 

Take a look at what this fictional woman does have. A husband who I assume loves her. He has given her children, been a companion and friend. Why have a battle over the lack of 5 oral sessions a week? It seems shallow, immature and ungrateful.


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

samyeagar said:


> Another way to look at it is if I tell you I am hungry, telling me their are people even hungrier elsewhere in the world isn't going to make me any less hungry.
> 
> All that being said, the same thing does apply to say the woman who wants to receive oral every day and her man who only wants to do it once a week...it's just as wrong for her to say "...but so and so's husband does it every day..."


I'm getting sort of burnt out in my chosen profession. There are bad days, and not so bad days. Recently I heard about two guys who graduated around the same time as me and are of course in the same chosen profession.

One of them was in a car accident and is completely paralyzed. The other, was recently diagnosed with Lou Gehrig's disease, which if you don't know, is like Multiple Schlerosis only much worse, and results in paralysis and death within a few short years.

I hear stories like this, and a bad day at worse doesn't seem quite so bad. If nothing else it puts our problems in perspective.

Someone's always got it worse. Much worse.


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## missthelove2013 (Sep 23, 2013)

If I were the husband, I would just be happy and enthusiastic to be getting hummers and would happily agree to warn you so I dont go off in your mouth, hell Id even go clean up myself afterwards LOL

I bet if he complains to his married buddies, they probably tell him to shut up and just be glad hes still getting head, as that usually stops after the vows


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

lenzi said:


> I'm getting sort of burnt out in my chosen profession. There are bad days, and not so bad days. Recently I heard about two guys who graduated around the same time as me and are of course in the same chosen profession.
> 
> One of them was in a car accident and is completely paralyzed. The other, was recently diagnosed with Lou Gehrig's disease, which if you don't know, is like Multiple Schlerosis only much worse, and results in paralysis and death within a few short years.
> 
> ...


I'm in a similar boat. I've been doing the same thing for 27 years now. 

Contrary to your response however when I hear of tragedies like you describe it makes me think we should be enjoying life while we can. You never know what tomorrow may bring. 

Maybe I should be getting out of what I'm doing and get into something I find more motivating...even though it undoubtedly means a cut in pay.


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## lifeisbetterthanalternat (Apr 24, 2012)

To the original poster, 

It is great that you are interested in doing this for your man despite your challanges. There are women here who will tell you that your guy should accept this and not push the issue but, they seem to miss the point that you seem to get, that is you recongnize this is important to him. There are/will be posts insulting your efforts (from men). Take them in their proper contects. I will say as a man BJs are wonderful on many levels and it is great that you reached out to TAM for insight...kudos for your post and efforts..bravo!! 

You may want to edit your post to add if you feel strongly about the taste, texture or what it is that is making you gag. You may also want to taste it in other situations to get used to it or to see if the taste is an absolute deal breaker. This will determine how you will implement my suggestions below. 

being naturally interested in the mechanics of things I was curious about what it is that make women gag so much.....I have long thought that it is "in a womens'e head" that perhaps it is the idea of it all that is sickening rather than the particular taste etc.... but, now i think there may be something eles... I never could understand why women gag so out of curiosity i put some water in the back of my mouth while holding my mouth open with my fingers in them...i realized that it would be difficult or impossible to swallow with a D#$% in your mouth. In my little test i realized the fluid sitting on the back of my mouth made me kind of gag. This may be what is causing it for you too. 
Keep in mind most men (if they are like me) don't really care if you spit, swallow or in my case don't care if any of it goes in your mouth..only that you are using the softness and wetness of your mouth (usually in combination with your hands) to bring me to climax. 

As a work around if your man warns you at the point of ejaculation, you could simply let the first blast hit the back of your throat then remove it and let it go wherever. Since you should (ideally) use your hands in conjunction with your mouth you could also simply put your tongue against his corona while you stroke him and let is stuff go wherever. If you are squeemish about his stuff getting on you, you can be careful to point it away from you. If you were feeling daring you could let it go on your face. This adds to the eroticism for most men. not because we want to degrade you..we just like the visual. As others have said, it is also a kind of acceptance thing....love me..love my spunk LOL... 

Personally I don't care where my load goes. In the air, on the floor..makes no difference. To me it is more about my wife the fact that she is pleasing me this way that adds variety, spice and added intimacy then what she chooses to do with the white stuff. 

In the end i would let your man know that you want to please him and if he is worth being with he will be understanding and you will give it a try. In the end try to make fun of it. 

Since this gagging thing seems to be a problem for many women you should start a suitably named thread explaining how you got past this (if it works)!!


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

life.questions said:


> My Fiance really wants to finish in my mouth, but I have an extremely hard time with him cumming in my mouth and swallowing because it makes me gag/throw up. Is there any way to over come this, or is it something that he is just going to have to deal with?


My wife doesn't like to swallow either, just spit it out when he is done.

problem solved

Although I would like her to swallow, if she gags/doesn't like it.....I don't really want her to suffer because of my dirty/filthy mind.


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