# Stubborn Wife



## pragmaster (May 7, 2014)

Hey eveyone,

Back in May my wife cheated, moved out and we are now separated, aiming for a divorce in 1 years time when allowable. She is living elsewhere, BUT she continues to pay for the mortgage!

I know for a fact she can't afford it. I'm guessing she is paying her rent with debt. I can tell she has not gotten a second job unless the pay is in cash and not direct deposit. She is being stubborn and doesn't want to let go of the house. I've already petitioned for court for a divorce, although my lawyer said we will most likely not go in front of a judge. 

The mortgage and property tax comes out of one joint account. I can't change this until it's up for renewal in 3 years time. 

I've created a new bank and transferred all my bills that come out automatically. 

I'm about to transfer my pay deposit. My plan is that each paycheque I only put it in what is necessary to cover the mortgage and property tax. Currently my pay goes into the same joint account and I move out what I need. In a way it's the same, but lately I've noticed she's spending some of my money. I need to put a stop to that, even if it hurts her. I have no choice. I'm managing OK as I found a renter to cover the financial loss. 

Question is this. I'm starting to worry that she might just spend that money I put in for the mortg+prop tax and then make it look like I was the one who missed out on a payment. I plan on buying her share out and that could bite my ass. 

She also thinks that the debt will be split come D-Day, but I have already confirmed with my lawyer that it's not the case. 

Any advice?


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Talk to a lawyer and get a separation agreement in place. 

Alternatively (and in the meantime). Get an agreement from her that the joint account will only be used for joint bills, and how much will be paid by each person. Get this in writing, with her signature (and you sign and give her a copy). Then print off a statement each month and make a note on each transaction. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## pragmaster (May 7, 2014)

She refuses to sign anything.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Then cut off her money. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## pragmaster (May 7, 2014)

Funny how things work.

Shortly after I posted that I got a text from her. Looks like she will transfer everything to my name and give me the title. I can pay her out.

Absolutely. Cut the b off.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Awesome! But based on your description of her behavior, I wouldn't count your blessings yet. Wait till the t's area crossed and i's dotted. Get your lawyer doing up the paperwork asap!

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## pragmaster (May 7, 2014)

I saw her today.

She suggested selling the house and moving together to Calgary.

The mind games are taking the toll on me. As much as I want to be with her, I don't think I can leave everyone who has truly supported me behind.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

pragmaster said:


> I saw her today.
> 
> She suggested selling the house and moving together to Calgary.


That is bizarre. You are dealing with a confused/disturbed person.

Not the type you probably want to continue relationship with.

OR, can it be that she had a sugar daddy on the side that went sour recently?

Hmmm



pragmaster said:


> The mind games are taking the toll on me. As much as I want to be with her, I don't think I can leave everyone who has truly supported me behind.


Don't let her mind games effect you AT ALL.

Cause that would mean that she is winning.....just ignore and keep proceeding with divorce/talk to Lawyer.


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## pragmaster (May 7, 2014)

She is winning because I myself am conflicted.

I don't know what to do. The petition for divorce has already been filed. In order for me to be emotionally stable, I have to avoid her.

The thought of never seeing her again really makes me sad and I realize that if I can't be her friend, I can't see her at all again.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Get her to sign the house over to you and you buy her out. Tell her that any future is contingent on that. That you will then put the house up for sale after it's in your name. That way she does not have to worry about anything.

Then once you have the house go no contact with her.

ETA: Is there a mortgage on the house? If so is it in your name only or is her name on it too? If her name is on it, you will probably need to refinance the house.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

My thinking is that you're conflicted because you haven't figured out what YOU want. You need to focus on you. Let her go off in her own world. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## pragmaster (May 7, 2014)

The plan is to buy her out. She has already said she would. We're just waiting for the lawyer now and when we are both free to sign the forms.

Yes I'd have to refinance. My parents will co-sign.

I'll tell you what I want. I want her!!!


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Didn't you go off on a rant in your last thread and tell her off? I'm on my phone, so I can't go find it. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## pragmaster (May 7, 2014)

Well yeah dude.

She makes me crazy. Straight up.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

pragmaster said:


> Well yeah dude.
> 
> She makes me crazy. Straight up.


Well, dude. As long as you keep playing her game, you'll never win. Heck, I doubt you'll ever figure out the rules. No offense intended. Your best bet... Move on with dignity, and if she comes running after you, you can decide what to do then. But you need to get over her, first. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

So what if she's what you want. Is she what you NEED? (I'd guess NOT) A healthy adult does what's good for him, not what makes him feel good.


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## pragmaster (May 7, 2014)

I see.

I want to agree with you but I am having trouble. 

I've never cut anyone out of my life before really. Having a very hard time. We used to do everything together. There is very little that I encounter day to day that does not remind me of her.

What do I do when I start thinking about her? Any tricks?


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Have you found some new hobbies and activities to fill your time?

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## pragmaster (May 7, 2014)

Okay. Thanks. Sorry for creating two threads. I'll continue in the other if this can be deleted.


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