# Wife has second thoughts about upcoming vasectomy



## MegaSilver

First, some background. My wife and I met in high school, date thru college, and married just after graduating. 2 years into marriage, we had a daughter. Almost 3 years later we had a second daughter. 6-8 months after second was born we both agreed that I would get a vasectomy. We waited a few months more and when our minds hadn't changed I booked an appointment with family doctor. He referred me to a urologist, who was taking bookings for surgery 5 months away. Went ahead and booked that. Kids are now 5 and 3, and we are both 30. Now, two weeks before I am scheduled for surgery, she is not sure she is done having kids. 

I don't know what to do. I'm still very much eager to get it done. Is this normal for her to be nervous? I'm considering cancelling the procedure until she is sure (again), but I can't see my mind changing. Any thoughts?


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## reggis

If you're sure you're done having kids that's all that matters.

Your body, your choice.


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## that_girl

While it is his body, he will need wife's blessing for a V. That's just part of marriage. Just like i wouldn't go get my tubes tied without my husband's blessing.

My husband had a V 3 years ago and we were both sure sure sure we didn't want more children. However, on that night of surgery, I cried a little. It was odd. But I quickly got over it.

Maybe she's just shocked by the finality of it. Have a good talk with her and see what she's thinking.

For Hubs and I, he had it done, and we were back to sex 3 days later without protection. Our thing was, if we get pregnant, then so be it. If not...then so be it. We didn't


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## FirstYearDown

Reproductive decisions belong to the couple and not just one person.

We chose to be childfree and I still wept after the procedure was completed. It is a door closed forever and there is always some mourning when that happens, even when the V is wanted by both spouses. I was ready to get married, but I still had wistful feelings about my single life ending. Feelings are never black and white; there are always layers. 

Neither of us saw the point of my hubby getting snipped, if we were going to be lax about following instructions. Why get the vasectomy and then not use birth control or have semen tested? Seems like a waste of time and energy to me. Both of us would be very sad and angry if I fell pregnant after my husband went under the knife.

Ask your wife why she changed her mind. Do you think you can emotionally and financially handle another child?


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## Mavash.

For us it was a joint decision that we discussed. I was fully on board with it even though it was sad to end that chapter of our lives.


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## lifeisbetterthanalternat

reggis said:


> If you're sure you're done having kids that's all that matters.
> 
> Your body, your choice.


Respectfully don't agree with this comment. A decision to sterilize yourself should be a joint decision. Same for a women getting an hysterectomy. 

You should try to understand your W's points of view and discuss before going through with it. 

Just my .02


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## sigma1299

Ok - I hate to have so blatantly spent too much time in the infidelity section but this struck a nerve with me. I'm sure I'm way off base but let me relate an experience of mine. 

While I was neck deep in my EA, my AP said to me one day that her H was planning to have a vasectomy. She continued to say that she was thinking of telling him that she didn't want him to any more. I asked why. The answer was that after she divorced him to be with me she didn't want him to not be able to have kids with his next wife if he wanted to. 

A side effect of spending a lot of time in the CWI section is that you tend to see affairs in everything.


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## ScaredandUnsure

I plan on having my tubes tied when I hit 35. I am 110% sure I am so done having children. But it's sad to think about it though, I mean I know in my heart I don't want anymore kids, but I look back and remember how much fun I had when my kids were babies and how much I loved it. But anyways, I think it's a realization that there will be no more babies and that makes some people sad.


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## Cherry

MegaSilver said:


> First, some background. My wife and I met in high school, date thru college, and married just after graduating. 2 years into marriage, we had a daughter. Almost 3 years later we had a second daughter. 6-8 months after second was born we both agreed that I would get a vasectomy. We waited a few months more and when our minds hadn't changed I booked an appointment with family doctor. He referred me to a urologist, who was taking bookings for surgery 5 months away. Went ahead and booked that. Kids are now 5 and 3, and we are both 30. Now, two weeks before I am scheduled for surgery, she is not sure she is done having kids.
> 
> I don't know what to do. I'm still very much eager to get it done. Is this normal for her to be nervous? I'm considering cancelling the procedure until she is sure (again), but I can't see my mind changing. Any thoughts?


I would respect her wishes, if you want to spend the rest of your life with your wife. 30 is still pretty young for women and I would give it a few more years at least. I know if I could have more children I would, and my H knows this. But he is fixed and had it done when our twins were a year old, for my health more than anything.


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## WhoHaveIBecome

I would have a lot of reservations with going through with a vasectomy. It seems so final. I think if she has doubts you should put it off for some time. You can always have it done down the line. Its very difficult to successfully reverse a V. This is something you need to be 100% sure on prior to moving forward.


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## EALR

Make the decision together or it might come back to bite you!
My BIL went through the same thing my sister was having second thoughts he figured it would go away and she was just scared about knowing she couldn't have any more kids so he went and got it done. Their marriage was never the same after. She is can't forgive him for taking the choice away, and he is mad for the same reason. Talk it out, don't do anything rash you will regret.


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