# Want my husband to be more dominant



## megan75 (Jun 10, 2012)

My husband and I have a healthy sex life. Right now, he's experiencing a little bit of a hard time in life, so I'm making sure he's entirely fulfilled in the bedroom. Meaning, I put up no blocks, no boundaries. I completely submit. If he wants it, he'll get it.

He's very traditional, however. I'd love it if he were to be more rough and dominant. The nature of asking him such a thing might imply he hasn't been all these years, and I don't want him to think that. Any ideas?


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Get a black silk scarf, tie it across your eyes, kneel on the floor and say sir, this one would like you to use her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Tell him what you want. You might be surprised that he wants to dominate you too but has been too shy to do so.


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## Drover (Jun 11, 2012)

Over 90% of husbands want to be more dominant in bed and are afraid of what their wives will think of them (ok I made up that statistic but the point is valid). Chances are pretty good your husband is one of them.


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## Aristotle (Apr 4, 2012)

megan75 said:


> My husband and I have a healthy sex life. Right now, he's experiencing a little bit of a hard time in life, so I'm making sure he's entirely fulfilled in the bedroom. Meaning, I put up no blocks, no boundaries. I completely submit. If he wants it, he'll get it.
> 
> He's very traditional, however. I'd love it if he were to be more rough and dominant. The nature of asking him such a thing might imply he hasn't been all these years, and I don't want him to think that. Any ideas?


Just communicate and tell him what you want. He won't be "hurt" because he hasn't been more rough and dominant (why would he be if you never communicated this need) . As good husbands we pride ourselves in being different from the rest of the guys our wives have been with. You married him,so he did something right. His caring and sensitive bedroom behavior is one of the reasons you now trust him enough to be rough and aggressive, because you know he'd never really hurt you. It's a wonderful thing and when you communicate let him know your urge to get it a bit more rougher just sparked, and he is the only man you'd ever trust to absolutely ravish you. 

My wife told me from the beginning that she wanted her arms held down, legs held up, and needed aggression. Had she never told me I'd still try to be my idea of a perfect, gentle, lover. COMMUNICATE.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Megan,
I call this the transitioners dilemma. How to get from A to G without making it seem like A was bad. Lucky you, 50 shades has gone viral. 

You: I have been reading this book 50 shades. Have you heard of it?
Him: yes (if he says no, give him a very short summary)
You: do you think it is "off" that so many women seem to read that book and realize that they want some level of that stuff in their marriage?
Him: (talking) while you are carefully reading him
You: taking a soft, medium or fast paced approach to telling him that you WANT him to start down that path with you
As for the "past" if you want to address it: I never really thought much about this until I read the book, I was surprised that it seemed hot to me, but it did

If he seems game, give him a short list of what you want to try.





megan75 said:


> My husband and I have a healthy sex life. Right now, he's experiencing a little bit of a hard time in life, so I'm making sure he's entirely fulfilled in the bedroom. Meaning, I put up no blocks, no boundaries. I completely submit. If he wants it, he'll get it.
> 
> He's very traditional, however. I'd love it if he were to be more rough and dominant. The nature of asking him such a thing might imply he hasn't been all these years, and I don't want him to think that. Any ideas?


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## blueskies30 (Jan 27, 2010)

JUst tell him you would like him to totally suprise and bend you over the bathroom sink, take you in the shower ...etc etc...

I think I'm learning that men do listen even if they don't seem to say much back to you when you tell them what you would like. Tell him you have some fantasys that include......

I know I mentioned to my husband that I would like him to use my vibrator on me and one day he did just that. he was very forcefulkl too about everything and I like all that force


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

> *Aristotle said*: His caring and sensitive bedroom behavior is one of the reasons you now trust him enough to be rough and aggressive, because you know he'd never really hurt you. It's a wonderful thing and when you communicate let him know your urge to get it a bit more rougher just sparked, and he is the only man you'd ever trust to absolutely ravish you.
> 
> My wife told me from the beginning that she wanted her arms held down, legs held up, and needed aggression. Had she never told me I'd still try to be my idea of a perfect, gentle, lover. COMMUNICATE.


I like this ^^^^ This is how I felt ....truly...I landed on this forum with this particular desire, a very similar question....though I never cared about this or gave it a thought until 19 yrs into my marriage ([email protected]#$%^&) My very 1st thread here : http://talkaboutmarriage.com/sex-ma...inate-enough-wives-who-how-reverse-roles.html

In our case, I can't say my husband ever reached the heights of aggression I wanted or craved, but it was still "good" .... Due to my pursuit to get him more WILD in bed, I took to reading many books to understand him, why he couldn't step it up...into my fantasy realm... to spank my ass , talk dirty, throw me down on the bed, up against a wall and take me like that........ he struggled..... when he did try to spank me, I had to tell him HARDER , then he started laughing. What can you do! 

We learned so much about each other & our *Lover styles *in the last 3 yrs ..amazingly to find we are a Perfectly compatible -even if some of my fantasies are wilder & more aggressive than he can deliver to me. I tend to be "the deliverer"...and he likes aggressive woman! 

The 1st step is to communicate your desires...for sure. Do this young & early in a marraige, it is something we didn't do and I highly regret. 

This book really helped ME understand WHY I couldn't get my husband more aggressive. Yours may be able to slip into this role just fine once you open up this box...but if not...... just some aids to help you understand why... for my husband......he is the way he is & it was fruitless to try and change his Lover style... 
When Your Sex Drives Don't Match: Discover Your Libido Types to Create a Mutually Satisfying Sex Life Books

*10 libido types *>>> 

*Sensual*, *Erotic*, *Compulsive*, *Dependent*, *Stressed*, *Disinterested*, *Detached*, *Addictive*, *Entitled*, and *Reactive*.

I discovered I was a Erotic/ Dependent and he was a Sensual /Reactive. Reactives are generally NOT aggressive lovers. Sensuals are the Love makers, it is very emotional for them, sensitive and heartfully consuming. I could not turn my husband into an Erotic or I would be banging my head against the wall. :banghead::banghead::banghead: 

Also ....here is a Lover Style Test you can take with your husband to see where he falls , and yourself...it will even tell you which is preferred for each type. (It was an interesting discovery to find Me & mine were a perfect match ....even though I was more of the natural pursuer, the Don Juan if you will...I was the Suave, he was the Devoted). 

2 links -same test >> HelloQuizzy.com: The Lover Style Profile Test ........ ******* | Take The Lover Style Profile Test

Results would be :

Classic Lover
The Exotic Lover
The Suave Lover
The Carnal Lover
The Devoted Lover
The Surprising Lover
The Romantic Lover
The Liberated Lover

Let us know how this goes....


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## committed_guy (Nov 22, 2011)

I've read that a safe way to communicate this would be to write a story starring you two as the characters and then ask him to read it. 

Or maybe in a non-sexual setting talk about sex, wants and desires. Ask him what he wants. If either of you are too shy saying it out loud then maybe write them down. Doesn't have to be a whole story, just a short sentence or two for each thing that you want. He may not even know how to be more aggressive/dominate. So you may need to explain exactly what your thinking. Might be good to give him a list of 10 things and ask him to choose one. Maybe put some almost-vanilla things on there to start with like a blindfold, or ask him to tie your hands. Sportsheets (from amazon.com) makes a very easy to use restraint set that wouldn't be too intimidating. Maybe in the heat of the moment ask him to hold your hands above your head or behind your back. Get him comfortable with the those baby step things first.


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