# Guys i really need help please help



## James01 (Feb 2, 2018)

*I really need help please guys*

I really need help please guys

This may be long but i really need advice . I got married March of 2016. but i haven’t been faithful. I’ve been verbally Abusive, emotionally also. I am very irresponsible i recently lost my job and thru out our marriage i put a financially strain on everything. We were recently living with her parents because of me not being responsible. About a month ago i moved out and that really hurt her. The reason i moved because me and her really don’t get along i feel like she doesn’t sumit to me but i give her more than enough reasons not to. I get mad when she don’t wash my clothes or fix me dinner . 

Honestly i have literally been the most terrible husband a woman could ask for . And my wife is a great woman . She is smart , very beautiful, and has a great heart . I also enjoy her sex and i don’t understand why i cheat. I actually cheated 4 years ago and had a child on her . I have four children all together. Two by my wife and two with someone else . I think she is done with me and i am very sad about it. I really want to work things out but i don’t know if i should . She hasn’t filed for divorce yet but she admitted that has male friends who she text and maybe go out with . I can honestly say before she told me that i wasn’t interested on fixing our marriage. 

I really do want her to be happy as crazy as it may sound. Me and her really don’t have a lot in common she’s very intellectually. She has a master degree. I barley graduated high school. I hacked her social media and looked at some of the convos she has with other guys and they are very deep and intellectually. She told me i don’t stimulate her in that way i usually just talk about rap music and sports she is heavy into astrology and spirituality.so i know she is truly happen now . I deal with depressed and anxiety and it’s very bad i often project my Insecurities on her. What ever i hate about myself i think she hates about me and i treat her as if she does . As crazy as it sounds i do love her and i thought i was ready to let go when i moved out but i see now that i am not or maybe I’m just scared to let go. 

Before we married we had two real break ups like the one now and the same thing i didn’t care until i knew she was talking to other guys and then i sold her dreams to get her back and after awhile i returned to my old self . I think if i get help with my depression and things i can keep her happy . Me and her use to have a lot of fun when we first met in 2012. We were both 23 at the time but as time went by it flamed out. I know this may offend some people and i am sorry I’m such a bad husband i really do want. To be a better person overall . We haven’t tried marriage counseling yet. 

Should i try or just let her go ? She has every right to want to leave and i understand that but I’m just really confused


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*You need to be telling her this ~ not us!

And please consider getting into individual counseling!*


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## James01 (Feb 2, 2018)

[QOTE=arbitrator;19016841]*You need to be telling her this ~ not us!

And please consider getting into individual counseling!*[/QUOTE]


Thank you for your advice. I didn’t know if it was either worth telling her because she’s talking to other guys and i want to see her happy but i will thank you again


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## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

That pretty ugly treatment you gave your wife.

First start by quitting rap music. 

Then find a job.

Then go back to school. Trade school , anything.

Then see a dr for your depression.

If your not going to change and quit cheating and acting like an ******* then I don't think you should try to get her back.

If shes smart shecwould hever take you back!

And if she won't not all will be lost you can benifit from doing the things i mentioned and live a happy life.

Time to grow up and act like a man instead of someone who has a mans body buacts like a boy


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## James01 (Feb 2, 2018)

Thank you so much i think I’m going to try


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

You need to just stay away from her and let her get on with her life.

Then you need to focus on yourself and become a much better man than you have been up to now.

You also have children that depend on you. So focus on your children too


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## FalCod (Dec 6, 2017)

Wow. My first thought is that you are someone that should take out a large life insurance policy on yourself with your wife as a beneficiary and then engage in increasingly risky behavior until it pays off and you can finally do something useful for her and your children.

But you are here. You wrote your post. I think you want to be a decent person. You want to change. Tell all of this to her and let her decide if she wants to go on that journey with you or if she's had enough. Abide by her decision, but if she does want to stay with you, feel blessed. And whatever you do, do not think of your spouse as subservient to you. A marriage works best when it is a partnership between equals.


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## James01 (Feb 2, 2018)

FalCod said:


> Wow. My first thought is that you are someone that should take out a large life insurance policy on yourself with your wife as a beneficiary and then engage in increasingly risky behavior until it pays off and you can finally do something useful for her and your children.
> 
> But you are here. You wrote your post. I think you want to be a decent person. You want to change. Tell all of this to her and let her decide if she wants to go on that journey with you or if she's had enough. Abide by her decision, but if she does want to stay with you, feel blessed. And whatever you do, do not think of your spouse as subservient to you. A marriage works best when it is a partnership between equals.


Lol that was funny but yes you are right i pray she gives me another chance i love her


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

*Re: I really need help please guys*

Oh God I hope she divorces you. 

Why should she submit to you?? Is she your pet??


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## James01 (Feb 2, 2018)

frusdil said:


> Oh God I hope she divorces you.
> 
> Why should she submit to you?? Is she your pet??




No i don’t think so . I just use to fell like she never made me feel like a man. I use to work 16 hour days and come home and it’s no food for me and this is when she wasn’t working . I did t expect it every night but just some times and i had a talk to her about it and she would cook but she would just make her plate and my child’s plate and told me I’m not her slave i have feet and hands but i guess i gave her all the reason to feel that way


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

@James01

I merged your 2 threads. Only one thread on a topic please.


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## James01 (Feb 2, 2018)

EleGirl said:


> @James01
> 
> I merged your 2 threads. Only one thread on a topic please.


My first time using site I’m sorry


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

James01 said:


> No i don’t think so . I just use to fell like she never made me feel like a man.


No woman can make you feel like a man. Either you feel like a man or you don't. That's on you.



James01 said:


> I use to work 16 hour days and come home and it’s no food for me and this is when she wasn’t working . I did t expect it every night but just some times and i had a talk to her about it and she would cook but she would just make her plate and my child’s plate and told me I’m not her slave i have feet and hands but i guess i gave her all the reason to feel that way


Were you treating her the way you describe in your first post? Was this behavior of hers a reaction to you cheating and all the other negative stuff you talk about in your first post?


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## James01 (Feb 2, 2018)

EleGirl said:


> James01 said:
> 
> 
> > No i don’t think so . I just use to fell like she never made me feel like a man.
> ...


U just gave me a lot of insight about my life with that statement .. woman can’t make me feel like a man only i can thank you !!!!! .. and yes i was treating her that way and now that she’s gone and I’m reflecting i was very selfish and i didn’t deserve to get my plate made or clothes washed .. and when i did step up for the short time i did and she would cook and make my plate she told me when we get along she’s don’t mind


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## Aaronk78 (Jan 30, 2018)

You definitely need to work on you. If you want her back start by being responsible... get a career, and be the best father you can. You have 4 kids... providing for them should be your biggest concern. Be the guy she deserves first... apologize for your ****ty behavior after you change it... and start from there. Do not attempt to reconcile till after you get your **** together. 

If the only time you feel the need to be in a relationship is when she is looking for something else then you do not really love her, that attitude and the idea that someone should submit to you really make you a competitor for the pos of the year award.


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## Steve2.0 (Dec 11, 2017)

You need some serious self improvement. I don't know your age but you sound like a teenager (mindset) living the life of a 30 year old (4 kids... seriously dude?)

First.. why do you keep finishing inside women? You seem to lack even the most basic sense of discipline required to live a happy life. Making children because you cant control a short term feeling of orgasm!?!?!

Your relationship seems really messed up, but most importantly you need to fix yourself first... this might also mean that she wont be around anymore by the time you come out of the other end.

I would suggest fixing your diet and exercising (or a martial art) to at least start you down the path of removing anxiety and depression. I would suggest counselling OR figuring out where your problems stem from and reading books about it.... This type of self-inspection aligns pretty closely with 'spiritually' as you need to be deeply self aware to start rooting out the source of these habits.

She is also well aware of your 'words' and 'actions' -> I am not sure how often they align or are true... I can only suggest that you tell her that you need major work and then SHOW her, via actions, that you are taking every step to get there. That means stop any activity that is considered lazy/relaxing (alcohol, weed, porn, TV, movies) - you need to spend every waking moment reading a book or doing something to improve yourself (mind, body and soul)

*Or*, just keep doing what your doing, find another girl who believes your 'words' and pop out another two kids who will grow up without a father figure and most likely end up doing the same thing your doing in 20 years.


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## James01 (Feb 2, 2018)

Steve2.0 said:


> You need some serious self improvement. I don't know your age but you sound like a teenager (mindset) living the life of a 30 year old (4 kids... seriously dude?)
> 
> First.. why do you keep finishing inside women? You seem to lack even the most basic sense of discipline required to live a happy life. Making children because you cant control a short term feeling of orgasm!?!?!
> 
> ...


I really appreciate this advice you guys are really making me look At my self and regardless if me and her work out i am going to be a better guy for myself and my children


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## Betrayedone (Jan 1, 2014)

You are so done and do not deserve a second chance with her. Take your pill like a man and move on. My advice is to stay away from women. None of them deserve what you dish out.


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## James01 (Feb 2, 2018)

Betrayedone said:


> You are so done and do not deserve a second chance with her. Take your pill like a man and move on. My advice is to stay away from women. None of them deserve what you dish out.


Yea I’m going to work on being a better person and loving myself before anything thank you for your advice


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Cheating and getting other women pregnant while you are married is appalling. So is being abusive.
Then she has enough and leaves, and then when you get worried about her maybe meeting another man, you get all 'sorry' . She has had enough and who can blame her. If you want he to be happy then stay out of her life.


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## James01 (Feb 2, 2018)

Diana7 said:


> Cheating and getting other women pregnant while you are married is appalling. So is being abusive.
> Then she has enough and leaves, and then when you get worried about her maybe meeting another man, you get all 'sorry' . She has had enough and who can blame her. If you want he to be happy then stay out of her life.


I didn’t have a baby on her while we was married that was years ago and yea i feel that way in order for me to make me happy i need to leave her alone


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## dawnabon (Mar 11, 2017)

*Re: I really need help please guys*

My advice is to let her go and work on yourself. 

Sent from my SM-G935V using Tapatalk


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

I want to make this clear James...it's not her job to make you feel like a man that is your job and by the sound of it, your doing a very piss poor job at it. Your angry because she seeks intellectual conversation and your to weak to follow that....I would be honest James if I was her dad I would have kicked your ass out of the house myself...you have a lot of growing up to do...and it won't help have a pity party for one or blaming some one else. It starts today it starts right now.
Seeking help for your brhavior....getting an education....finding a job and working being a better husband, better father, better man. You might lose her but don't lose what you can be.


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## James01 (Feb 2, 2018)

Lostinthought61 said:


> I want to make this clear James...it's not her job to make you feel like a man that is your job and by the sound of it, your doing a very piss poor job at it. Your angry because she seeks intellectual conversation and your to weak to follow that....I would be honest James if I was her dad I would have kicked your ass out of the house myself...you have a lot of growing up to do...and it won't help have a pity party for one or blaming some one else. It starts today it starts right now.
> Seeking help for your brhavior....getting an education....finding a job and working being a better husband, better father, better man. You might lose her but don't lose what you can be.


Thank you so much i have my CDL.. i was making 24 a hour but i lost my job because i rather party with my friends. But your are right !!! I starts today and everyday I’m going to work on being a better man


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## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

James01 said:


> Thank you so much i have my CDL.. i was making 24 a hour but i lost my job because i rather party with my friends.


 You're around 30, correct? It's time you grew the **** up and started showing some responsibility. Get your priorities in order. Getting ****faced and partying with your friends is fun but it's not a priority it's a reward if you can do it without interfering with the stuff that counts. It's called 'Adulting' , you should give it a try. If you choose not to, be full aware that all the "bad luck" that comes your way is actually the consequences of the choices you made. Can you go back to driving or did you get a DUI, or something?


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