# keeping the spark



## wife&mama (Jun 12, 2010)

When 2 people first get together, there is such a spark between them. Not much is needed to have a furfilling sexual relationship. I totally understand that the newness is exiting. Getting to know eachother physically etc. 

But why does that spark fade with time? After years of being with one person it takes work and effort to keep things exiting? 

Do you look at your spouse as "the same old, same old"?

How can you keep the spark alive without having to cross an unwanted boundary? 

I guess what I'm asking, how do you keep the spark and keep things new after you are already doing all you are willing to do and don't want to venture out into kink land any further? 

And this is for the long haul too. For people who want to be together for the rest of their lives. Which will take them into 30+ years. Not for those who will only be together for a few years and then divorce because they want to trade in their old spouse for a new and more exiting one. That's too easy. And sad in this day and age.


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## HappyHer (Nov 12, 2009)

I think the spark fades over time because we "have" what we wanted. Think about it, anytime you have or want something new - you cherish it. Whether it be a new car, new pair of shoes, anything new, it takes your priority, you take better care of it. Over time, you begin to take it for granted.

When you start to take each other for granted, start to lose the priority you placed on each other, the spark fades.

So, how do you keep it? Always treat your partner as if they are new in your life. The most important guest in your heart. Focus on maintaining gratitude for who and what you are. Also important - take care of yourself as you are the most important guest in your partner's life as well. 

You are sharing a life together. What kind of life are you sharing? I don't know about you, but I want a life that is filled with joy, love, and laughter. So, that is what I also want to share with my partner without expecting him to be the one to provide that to me.

You don't have to be kinky, but certainly be creative. Do you really want to have the same type of sex, over and over? Play with each other, find new ways to share your passion. Kink aside, there is a million things you can do to share physical intimacy with your partner. Look for ways you haven't tried it yet, or "refresh" what you do with something new - for example, leave the lights on, or keep part of your clothing on, or take something off you usually wouldn't. Even small change ups can add an exciting element.

It could be something non-sexual too. Take a class together, reach out into the world and find exciting things to share. That excitement in life will spill over into your bedroom too.

Wow, I could go on forever about this topic. I think this is enough to offer for your consideration now.


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## Longtime Husband (Dec 14, 2009)

HappyHer said:


> I think the spark fades over time because we "have" what we wanted. Think about it, anytime you have or want something new - you cherish it. Whether it be a new car, new pair of shoes, anything new, it takes your priority, you take better care of it. Over time, you begin to take it for granted.
> 
> When you start to take each other for granted, start to lose the priority you placed on each other, the spark fades.
> 
> ...


HH, you make some excellent points. The only things I would add to it (and in many ways it's just restating what you said) are:

1.) Ya gotta be FRIENDS with your partner, which might mean that the two of you have to *make friends with one another for the first time* even after you've been married for several years.

2.) Ya gotta hold your partner to a very high standard in terms of meeting your needs, whatever they might be....and ya gotta hold yourself to an even higher standard.

3.) Keep any feeling of indifference out of the relationship. Be willing to have & face conflict when necessary & explore things together (both sexual & non-sexual). Have fun but realize that love & hate are just opposite sides of the same "passion coin"....it's when you start taking one another for granted that things can sour FAST.


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## Susan2010 (Apr 19, 2010)

This is how you do it. Rent it. Watch it. Follow the principles.
And this is how you do it. Is what the movie is all about.


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## marga88 (Jun 17, 2010)

Communication will always be the good way to understand each other. If you talk about this things and try to figure out the issues and find the right solutions together it will be the best thing to do, however if one of you will not submit to this then find another option to finally discover what is lacking to your relationship why this things are bugging the two of you down.


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