# New Girlfriend shared her fantasy....what to do?



## broder62 (Aug 17, 2012)

New girlfriend shared with me her "fantasy" is sex with a woman. I'm a guy, I should be thrilled, right? Ugh - no. I feel threatened by it. I see it as potentially cheating times two - men and women are now potential threats. At the same time, she made it clear "it's just a fantasy with no basis in reality". Someone please decode this line. Again, new relationship, don't want to jump the gun, we all have sexual fantasies and I don't want to judge someone/relationship on this because it may be just as I perceive mine - "never gonna happen, nor do I want it to" but.....I (just being honest and nothing against anyone else who feels differently), I just feel that sexual fantasies involving same sex - something isn't right in the mind. I can't understand it because I don't want that for myself so there is no way I can understand it from someone else. But, I'm trying to be really careful with my heart, this message, etc; - nervous about it. So, I thought I'd come to Ole Faithful (this forum) and help me figure out myself and this situation. I feel threat and fear.


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## donny64 (Apr 21, 2012)

I think a fair number (maybe not most, but a fair number) of women have that fantasy. If you feel it's a threat to you and you'd not be comfortable with her actually doing so, then there are ways to let her know that. But to be down on her because of a simple fantasy? I think you'd be shocked at just how many women have it, yet never pursue it. Some women have rape fantasies too. Doesn't mean they actually want to be raped.

Reciprocate with her by telling her about a fantasy of yours (threesome, sex in public, anal, whatever) and follow it up with "but...some things are better left fantasy". See what she says.

Best way to get her to "shut down" in the bedroom is to belittle or get on her about fantasies (assuming they're not truly perverted).


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## CleanJerkSnatch (Jul 18, 2012)

Dump this broad and date someone who is down to earth and doesn't want to live in candy land fantasies.

How is that love, sharing the wife, and her sharing you. Use the search button and find a previous thread where a man did that with his wife and what he went through. There are plenty here for you to read.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Don't dump her, enjoy the opportunity! Still remember the first time I came to this city where I'm staying now and got picked up by two ladies who drove me back to their place and had their way with me. Was a great introduction, I'm surprised it even happened. 

My wife is also (I SWEAR!!!) bisexual-in-denial. But mate, if she swings that way, even if it's a woman, it will be a cheat. No matter how much it turns me on, the love, the trust, the respect -> it's all gone. So... what's my advice?

GO WITH IT 
Just don't do something stupid like fall for her or some crap. You're young! ENJOY! Too late for me, I'm a fking old bastard

But if you care about her, this will be the worst decision of your life.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

I had a long term relationship with a woman in my mid 20s who was bisexual. 

Eventually she left me for a woman. It left me feeling so broken I could not get up the courage to date for some years.


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## Kasler (Jul 20, 2012)

RandomDude said:


> Don't dump her, enjoy the opportunity! Still remember the first time I came to this city where I'm staying now and got picked up by two ladies who drove me back to their place and had their way with me. Was a great introduction, I'm surprised it even happened.
> 
> My wife is also (I SWEAR!!!) bisexual-in-denial. But mate, if she swings that way, even if it's a woman, it will be a cheat. No matter how much it turns me on, the love, the trust, the respect -> it's all gone. So... what's my advice?
> 
> ...


What the hell are you talking about? :scratchhead:

Just ignore this post please, didn't even answer your question OP.

Broder, if you feel threatened you should definitely have a serious sit down with her. I've heard that your woman leaving you for another woman is one of the most emasculating experiences a man can suffer.

I feel you are threatened. If you do nothing you'll just be worrying some of the time and may resent her.

No one can decode that line but her herself so you should confront her and have that serious talk. You don't need to be wondering when shes going to wake up a bisexual one day and is wanting to break up.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

/end sarcasm fail


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Kasler said:


> What the hell are you talking about? :scratchhead:
> 
> Just ignore this post please, didn't even answer your question OP.
> 
> ...


What upset me was well, losing her (30 years on I still have some feelings for her, though I haven't seen her since) but also because I knew there was nothing I could do to keep her.


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## Michie (Aug 26, 2012)

If its a sexual fantasy its a fantasy, as your gf said no basis in reality.

We all have sex fantasies/dreams of being with someone of the same sex, its completely natural and does not apply to sex orientation in the majority of people.


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## Kasler (Jul 20, 2012)

Michie said:


> If its a sexual fantasy its a fantasy, as your gf said no basis in reality.
> 
> We all have sex fantasies/dreams of being with someone of the same sex, its completely natural and does not apply to sex orientation in the majority of people.


We don't know his GF so we don't know for sure. Rather than just assume and look thr other way, its best to be out front with it. 

A man can be saying for years how he wants to have a threesome. 

Most never act on it, a few do with some hired hookers. 

Ya never can know how deep the fetish/fantasy goes unless directly asked.


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## costa200 (Jun 27, 2012)

She has an itch you can't scratch. Up to you if you want to manage it (be in it or something).



> We all have sex fantasies/dreams of being with someone of the same sex, its completely natural and does not apply to sex orientation in the majority of people.


Define "we all"...


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

If your gf's fantasy doesn't do it for you, the relationship is probably not going to work out. Take it for what it is, and if this person doesn't share the same values as you do, I wouldn't consider anything long term with her.

I personally do not have that type of same sex fantasy, although I did date a man for awhile who was trying to push me into that kind of lifestyle. I took it for what it was, and we didn't pursue anything long term. And to be honest, I think that if I'd followed through with his fantasy and brought another woman home with me one night, he would have been scared and gone and peed in the corner...LMAO!


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

lighten up francis, its a fantasy.

you might be one lucky dude she opened up to you now your turn to tell her one of yours....and make it a jucy one.

then put some ***** porn on and have at it !!!!!!! sounds like fun to me.


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## Count of Monte Cristo (Mar 21, 2012)

OP, for chrissake she's a NEW girlfriend. Are you looking to settle down with this woman? If you're not down with this then let her go and get another one that more conservative. At least this one is sharing her desires with you. (It's the ones that don't that you have to worry about because they'll cheat on you and do all kind of kinky stuff with their affair partners that they never let you do.)


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## Sbrown (Jul 29, 2012)

If you are so insecure then do this chick a favor and don't waste her time. Dump her and let her move on to someone that will let her be her. You do realize that just because you don't understand where she is coming from that doesn't make it wrong, right?


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

I have all sorts of fantasies that I won't act on or push for because the risks outweigh the rewards and often fantasies aren't as good as what you build them up to be.

I suppose the big question is how she views the fantasy in terms of becoming real.


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## 67flh (Sep 26, 2011)

my wife has told me the exact same thing,but she says "it will happen one of these days".. i'm beginning to belive as one other poster said, that a majority of women are bi .


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

That's the other thing; they'll say 'fantasy' but for them, it's what they're hoping to eventually be their reality. Maybe she's just feeling you out as a potential partner in a non-traditional relationship role. Either way, if it's not your thing, then just walk. You owe her nothing at this point .


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

If it's not your thing, then don't do it. Make sure she understands, too, that even though she said it was "just a fantasy" it's one that will never happen as long as you are together... if that is truly how you feel.

FTR, this isn't a fantasy of either my husband or myself. Neither of us fantasize about "sharing" each other. So, you're not alone in this.

And, the one question that came to my mind when I read the title of this thread: you DID make sure this one is NOT married right? And if separated, is out of the home, at least, for sure??


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## broder62 (Aug 17, 2012)

Maricha75 said:


> If it's not your thing, then don't do it. Make sure she understands, too, that even though she said it was "just a fantasy" it's one that will never happen as long as you are together... if that is truly how you feel.
> 
> FTR, this isn't a fantasy of either my husband or myself. Neither of us fantasize about "sharing" each o
> ther. So, you're not alone in this.
> ...


Yes she's not married. She's divorced and she has not dated for 2 years according to her. since my last situation my senses are little heightened. because what I just went through. If this is a fantasy that she wants to fill or just want to share in the bedroom between us is very important to me. When I say share in the bedroom between us I'm talking about the fantasy not the reality. I'm trying to find a relationship so I can relax and have peace. like most is 2 women at is 2 women at the same time but when I had the opportunity 1 time many years ago the situation actually made me want to vomit. relationships as recreation or sexual recreation or sexual toys so this has no appeal to me but again this is new and I need to be careful from her by creating from her by creating a space for her to f for her to feel open n honest without me judging her if she's an honest perso that I assume her to be. That's why I take my concerns to this forum. Your vices helping me. I don't want to react or overreact.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

It might not be a 'driving' fantasy. It might very well be a fairly passive curiosity and she thought that you would want to hear it. Afterall, women are conditioned to believe all men are into that sort of thing.

Dunno.


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

Um...am I the only person who thinks that the GF is full of SH*T?

I am not sure how 'hot' your GF is, or how much self esteem she has. But a lot of silly (I want to say 'stupid'...) okay, STUPID girls with low self esteem throw out these sort of lines to seem sexually sophisticated, or trying to entice their man because, after all, don't all men just think with their c**ks? Aren't all men sexual obsessives who don't have any sort of self reflection and ALL of us are turned on by lesbian chicks? (No. I am turned on BISEXUAL chicks. Lesbians don't have room for me in the bed and I'm allergic to flannel...just kidding!)

Or she could be a lesbian in denial.

But consider she's full of it.


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## costa200 (Jun 27, 2012)

Sbrown said:


> If you are so insecure then do this chick a favor and don't waste her time. Dump her and let her move on to someone that will let her be her. You do realize that just because you don't understand where she is coming from that doesn't make it wrong, right?


What about if he understands it and still doesn't like it? You make it sound like he is at some sort of fault just because he doesn't want a possibly bisexual woman. You do know that men can just say no too right?


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## Onmyway (Apr 25, 2012)

I told my W early on in our relationship (after she admitted being bi-curious) that she could have a physical relationship with a woman if she wanted to, as long as that was it, no emotions or relationship. She's only done it once and it worked out well, no lingering feelings, she was honest with me etc.

I have since revoked my ok with this, in light of her EA/PA with POSOM.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

she's probably saying it to sound sexy and hot bc she thinks it's what you want to hear.new girlfriends do that sometimes.so do new boyfriends.


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## Count of Monte Cristo (Mar 21, 2012)

I'm too ticklish to participate in threesomes.


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

Count of Monte Cristo said:


> I'm too ticklish to participate in threesomes.


You have a wit about you.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Go for it. Then dump her, cause she's not girlfriend or marriage material. Man, you sure know how to pick em don't you....


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## badbane (Jun 9, 2012)

okay wow slow down everyone. jeez the guy has been through a lot. Lets simply put it this way. It is just a fantasy that she has. Just like you probably once had a fatasy about something crazy at one point in your life. There is also another thing to consider here. This girl may really like you and is just saying exciting stuff to keep you around. Random just relax my friend. You need to tell this girl about your past and tell her that it is a cool fantasy. Tell her you just want to take it slow since you obviously like her. You just don't want previous baggage to ruin the relation ship you have now. This doesn't mean have a two hour long sobbing ourpouring of your previous marriage. it means just tell her you have been hurt. Tell her that is an awesome fantasy but, right now your head isn't if a great place when it comes to fantasies right now. I am sure your fantasy is to have the perfect woman that stayed in bed never left you, gave you everthing you wanted and needed. Would never hurt you , and was there to be what you needed all the time.
MAybe it isn't manly but it is understandable. Just keep in mind that you are dating not married.

If she askes you about the XW just say. ""I thought she was my everything turns out I was just her toy. So I woke up and told her I was done got Lawyer and moved on with my life. Then I met you and things got a lot better"" eeh ehh I am gonna send that to a writer for a romantic comedy.


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## Emerald (Aug 2, 2012)

How long have you been together?

Did she just blurt this out or did you ask her what her sexual fanatsy is?


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## Dad&Hubby (Aug 14, 2012)

Man, you need to get over yourself and stop thinking she's going to cheat on you. I'm sure you have some "fantasies" that turn you on mentally but would never actually happen.

My wife and I had a great conversation about the whole ideas of fantasies and really wish people could recognize it.

There's two types of fantasies. 
1. There's "It's hot" fantasies. This is a fantasy you think about or watch (porn) or read about and they turn you on, but in NO WAY would you actually partake in them yourself, and even possibly you'd be repulsed if you actually did TRY IT. I have some BDSM fantasies that I'd never do to my wife in real life, not saying I don't think about it and even talk to her about it  but I'd never actually want to do it physically to her. 

2. There are "That'd be fun" fantasies. These are the fantasies that you ACTUALLY WANT TO DO. These are the fantasies you bring into relationships etc.

A lot of women have fantasies about other women, they can imagine themselves and another woman intertwining and kissing (in exactly the way the woman likes LOL) etc. It's actually an expression of the love of the female form and of self love both of which is healthy and good for a woman, but a high percentage of those VERY SAME women if they were presented with a naked and willing female partner wouldn't actually do it because the fantasy and the reality are VERY DIFFERENT.

There's a high probability your girlfriend has this as a "this is hot" fantasy, not a "bucket list" fantasy LOL. Now worst case scenario, lets say she DOES like women and if you broke up with her she might take on a girlfriend instead. What difference does that make. She's chosen you. You might as well say "My girlfriend has fantasized about effing another man" (keeping in mind these fantasies were there before you). Guess what, you're that fantasy man. She chose you, it's a fantasy.


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## Falene (Dec 31, 2011)

I think you are making a mountain out of a molehill but if you do feel that uncomfortable I would move on.

Life is too short to be wasting time working on fears with a new GF.


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