# whats happening????



## fadinglove (May 18, 2014)

Hi guys, I am new here, i really cant believe that i am posting on a infidelity forum asking about my marriage and husband. Let me tell you lil bit abt myself, I married my hubs in 2009, we started dating in '97, yes we dated almost 12yrs before we got married. He really loved me head over heels, we were in school wen v started seeing each other. We are from India, where love marriage is still considered a taboo, but we still went ahead n fought with parents and finally got them to agree to have us married. Like any normal couple, we had our ups n downs but we still stayed with each other and really stood with each other in all phases of our lives. I always saw a lot of truth and honesty in his eyes back then. 

Anyways fast forward to 2014, and today we live in a country where sex is avlbl everywer, its legal and cheap. We moved here from India in 2009 and the last 2-3yrs spent here were the worst days of my life. I was unable to secure a job in this market and slowly as days progressed my hubs lost any respect he had for me. He stopped talking to his folks in India, not in touch with any one back home. He started saying thing like he is making all the money himself and that he can do anything with his money, no one dare ask him. He started whoring around the day we landed here, but still he treated me well and took good care of me. But over the last few months, things have changed completely, he cancelled my visa on the pretex of saying he needed to renew the application, he sent me packing back home. in the meantime he made tons of girlfriends, some of them he just met online on dating websites, meeting them regularly, going out to movies, restaurants, pubs, massage parlours etc.
he started visiting many neighboring countries with literally strangers, to get to taste international *****s. Last 6 months i had never seen that face to him ever in the last 15yrs that i know him. I was shocked and surprised as to how a man who used to not have lunch with female colleagues could change to such an extent. On confronting he said he would stop everything and work on our marriage, but i doubt he is making any effort towards it. He hardly stays at home, he vanishes from office, comes home late, sometimes 4 am. his behavior is ignorant, snobby egoistic and arrogant. He says its his money, his saving and he doesnt owe any one in this world any explanation. I caught him straying in a redlight area 2 days ago and he just brushed it aside saying he was visiting a friend. Never have i seen him talking to me so arrogantly ever before, he really loved me truly and he considers himself lucky to have me in his life.
Im trying to see where and how things went wrong, has my marriage reached a point of no turn around? Im trying to see if i did something wrong and if me not earning money made him behave this way with me. Im lost....help!!


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## 86857 (Sep 5, 2013)

So sorry for what you are going through and I think you already know the answer. 

I don't think there is any point trying R. Even if you did, you will never forgive him for his treatment of you. How could you? You are seeing the 'real' him. As Intheory said the social mores in India meant he couldn't behave like that. Now he can. 

Please get yourself tested immediately. 

And consider going back home to your family. You need support as his treatment of you is nothing short of outrageous. You are in an emotionally abusive situation. Get out if it as soon as you can. 
Your parents didn't raise their precious daughter to be treated like this. Tell your family what he is doing.


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

He's an immature whoore who is likely harboring several STDs. Don't let him near you and put your health at risk. See an attorney and get what you can. Don't even consider ever taking him back. Not worth the effort at all. Not one bit.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Divorce him. And out him on Cheaterville.


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## poida (Jan 17, 2014)

Sounds like a man ***** to me. Leave.


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## fadinglove (May 18, 2014)

thanks for all your messages, all of you asking me to leave him, but on a second thought, is it easy to weigh 12yrs of our relation vs the last 2yrs and say he is bad person and leave. I am still unable to convince myself that a guy who never was even talking terms with women, he would not even go out with women colleagues, turn around and behave like this. Going back to India is the last thing i want to do, considering the social stigma and pressures that will drain me more than me being here with him. I want to look for a decent job and first support myself financially before i take up the divorce proceedings. I hope to completely ignore his presence at home and carry on as usual with how i was before. Hope I am taking the right step.


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## MoonBay (Mar 10, 2013)

fadinglove,

Do what you need to do to get yourself back up on your feet before you start divorce proceedings.

Your husband is no longer the man you used to know.

Your husband has shown you who he truly is, believe him.


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## Rushwater (Feb 11, 2013)

Fadinglove, your situation truly sucks and I am very sorry that you are in it, but you are in the right place to discuss it and get damned good advice. A couple of things: consult a lawyer (without your husband's knowledge) to know your rights. You are now in the USA and therefore you are entitled to HALF of all your husband's assets. You are also entitled (assuming that you are still unemployed) to ALIMONY (financial spousal support) if you opt to divorce his sorry a$$. Remember, you must protect yourself physically (prevent STD's) and financially. Your husband sounds like a true blue douche.


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## fadinglove (May 18, 2014)

I am not based in the US, I am currently in Singapore, but we did get married in India and the Hindu marriage act applies. It takes really long to proceed with the divorce application, especially if I claim for alimony and maintenance, sometimes as long as 2 yrs. I really feel bad to put my parents through the trauma of all this. The job market is really tough to crack here. he keeps threatening me to cancel my visa every time we have an argument. the only right thing for me to do now is get a decent job that could sponsor my visa, bring my parents with me to Singapore and then in the meantime file for divorce. long struggle though....


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## truetomaself (May 19, 2014)

Hi
Even I am originally from India and now here.even we have a marriage of 12 years and relationship of 2 years before that.I truly understand what u r going through.I have myself got into a bad spot for which I have posted in the forum.But if you take my advice,I feel that the basis of any relationship is Love and trust.Unfortunately,people from our cultural background consider marriage to be so sacred.But ypu should slowly come out of it.Dont stay with a person who treats you like this.Look for a job.Start the legal proceedings.but make urslef understand that this is not worth it.I know how difficult this could be.It must be shattering for you.Maybe a hug can help now


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## WolverineFan (Nov 26, 2013)

Love and Respect are the basis of any strong marriage. The actions he has taken are not acceptable no matter what has transpired in your relationship. Have you pursued counseling yet? Often times men do not commit to changing unless it is made clear that this kind of behavior will not be tolerated. What steps have you taken to give him this message? I highly recommend a book titled _Love Must Be Tough: New Hope For Marriages In Crisis_ by Dr. James Dobson. It will give you some specific steps to take and provide solid advice. Sorry for the pain. I hope what I have shared is a help.


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## 86857 (Sep 5, 2013)

fadinglove said:


> I am not based in the US, I am currently in Singapore, but we did get married in India and the Hindu marriage act applies. It takes really long to proceed with the divorce application, especially if I claim for alimony and maintenance, sometimes as long as 2 yrs. I really feel bad to put my parents through the trauma of all this. The job market is really tough to crack here. he keeps threatening me to cancel my visa every time we have an argument. the only right thing for me to do now is get a decent job that could sponsor my visa, bring my parents with me to Singapore and then in the meantime file for divorce. long struggle though....


Sounds like a good plan. . . yes a struggle but nothing like the struggle it will be if you stay with this monster because that is what he is. 

Go dark on him. Do not tell him your plans especially about bringing your parents over. This will also stop the arguments when he threatens you about your visa. Don't argue with him and just say nothing. 

Don't stress about putting your parents through this. You are not doing that - your husband is. 

I'm sure that your parents would be far more upset to know that you were going to stay with a man like that who is also putting your health at risk. Do they know what is going on?

Stay silent and stay strong. You will get there. At times like this we find we have more strength than we ever thought we had. Put your plans into action.


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## Q tip (Apr 15, 2014)

I was told by a friend who did it. She got divorced in Japan. Very fast, low cost. I do not know the details other than that's what she did. It was many years ago though. Have no idea the procedures today.


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## fadinglove (May 18, 2014)

Thanks for your replies.... Yes I have told my parents about this, they seem to be very supportive but I know they are concerned abt my future. I have no siblings and that's stressing them even more. I really hope to find a job ASAP. I've decided that I can move to any other country where I could get a job. But after a reasonable break in my career not many people want to give me the break! As one of you said, I haven't been tLking much with him. He also doesn't seem to remorse or feel guilty about cheating me, behaving like if it's his right to ***** around! No point cribbing! Time to act! Was wondering if there are any women self help groups or something of those sorts in Singapore, that I could approach in help me finding a job, would anyone know about it?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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