# Does Positive Thoughts = Positive Results



## proudwidaddy (Dec 26, 2011)

Have you found in your current situation of going through a divorce that Positive Thoughts really do equal positive results?


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

proudwidaddy said:


> Have you found in your current situation of going through a divorce that Positive Thoughts really do equal positive results?


I think it helps your chances - but there are not guarantees.

But then if you turn it around - I think negative thinking often leads to bad results.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

I think if you're pinning your hopes and dreams on stuff you're doing yourself, the end result would at least be resiliency and moving forward. Otherwise, I would be leery of positive thoughts being just wishful or magical thinking or dreamful desperation. Relationships are not puzzles that necessarily fit together in the end, we tend to be a 'solution' seeking society. If you can imagine an end result being a permanently unsolved puzzle, then sure, positive thoughts are a safe option. In statistics we tend to set a limit on iterations of model-building...sometimes a solution can't be resolved. At some point, you need to reassess the limits of positive thoughts vs. the problem at hand. Solution space might not even exist or might be very unstable and impractical. In layman's terms, we refer to this as GIGO: "Garbage in, garbage out." You can sit there and build pretty models that work for this instance and that instance (how to make spouse happy in spectific situations) but take it out into the real world to give it a spin and it fails miserably, lacking robustness. 

So no, positive results generally tend to require more substance, though a good attitude will build resiliency, and that alone is a positive result, so yes.


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## proudwidaddy (Dec 26, 2011)

I guess I was more thinking that I know that my stbxw has let me go, she gave me the ILYBNILWY speech. She has had 6months to a year to get herself ready. I have two children to be strong for now. I've been dealing with this for a month, and frankly I'm tired of being sad, thinking I wasn't good enough for her, when the reverse is more than likely the truth. I'm just trying to think positive, think that I'll get through this, etc.


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## papa5280 (Oct 12, 2011)

I guess it depends on what you expect from it. Does having a positive attitude make it more likely that your relationship will mend? Probably, because you'll be a more likable person and more enjoyable to be with.

But, the bigger issue is that keeping a positive attitude is valuable in and of itself, because you'll be happier regardless of whether the relationship mends.

In other words, IMO, a positive attitude is a desirable end, not a means.


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## canguy66 (Dec 18, 2011)

Depends - a positive attitude about you moving on and looking after yourself, or a positive attitude regarding possibly false hope at reconciliation?

I would recommend you look after yourself first. After a while things will fall into place. I've been separated for 5 weeks, and went from wanting to end my life to feeling stronger and actually seeing a future as a while individual. Still a work in progress and it still hurts sometimes, but I do my best to stay focus. 

Focus will bring perspective. If you're in your head and driving yourself crazy, get into your body - exercise, work off the stress and clear your head. See an IC for help unloading and rebuilding - good tools to move forward are important. 

In other words, *be part of your solution. *

Some people recommended the following to me, and they have really helped so far:

the 180 rules: The 180 rules
Book: No More Mr. Nice Guy
Exercise
Eat right
Get some sleep - see your doc for a prescription if necessary
Stay busy, see friends, see family, talk with a person you trust
Connect with people on this forum and LISTEN to the advice - it's proven.
Focus on yourself and what you CAN change, not what you cannot change.
I recommend you read my thread to see what I've been through the past few weeks. I am in a very different place now. I struggle some days, but overall, I am taking responsibility for my life, my mental health and my future. I have not respected myself this much in years.

Didn't mean to preach here, but I hope this helps you. It WILL help you if you follow those suggestions.


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