# Lacking Passion



## DT4379 (Sep 21, 2012)

I have situation that bugs me to no end about my finace..I love him very much but in the bedroom he is lazy..He hardly kisses me and when I try he turns his head this is while I am trying to have sex with him..He seems to iniate sex very little..So i aksed him last nite if he was bored..not my first time asking and he got mad at me..I said to him semms like youre to tired to have sex and he got mad again..I apologized because he said I hurt his feelings but I really am getting annoyed that he seems to put no effort in the bedroom..When we do its great but I feel like I need more romance..Getting worried about this as I lpove romance and passion but we are lacking..How do I handle this?


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

What ever you do, don't get married until this issue is solved 

It sounds as if the two of you have very mis-matched sex drives. This won't get better after the wedding and most llikely will get worse. Do more reading here at TAM and you'll see waht I am talking about


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

I think you have a deeper problem than your fiance' not showing enough passion. You asked him a legitimate question and he responded by becoming angry. That's just plain disrespectful. You have a right to express yourself. His showing anger when you do is an attempt to silence you. He turns away when you kiss him and he is doesn't show interest in sex. If he acts this way and he's not even married yet, imagine how he'll act in the future!


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

This is a HUGE problem that is deeper than sex. The fact that he got angry when you tried to discuss this with him is BAD. Do not marry this man until you fix this as it will only get worse.


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## DT4379 (Sep 21, 2012)

youre correct in sayoing it shows dosrespect and he wants to selnece me..I said NO and said if i have something that bother me Im going to say it..He always just wnats to drop it bugs me to death..I am at a loss as what to do..I let him cool down them he apologizes this morning by saying he is sorry he overreacted and that he misunderstood what I was trying to say..I feel like I cant talk to him and I have told him this many times..HE was the one to say if I have a problem talk to him but really he doesnt wnat to hear anything that may be negative about him..I told him today I was tired and he said tired of what I lied and said I was just sleepy...


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## wiigirl (Jun 14, 2012)

Mavash. said:


> This is a HUGE problem that is deeper than sex. The fact that he got angry when you tried to discuss this with him is BAD. Do not marry this man until you fix this as it will only get worse.


This....fix it or get down the road on fixing it.









_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

This is why we date...to learn enough about a prospective partner to make a rational, informed choice regarding a long-term relationship. The process works and you've learned some very critical information. The question is not how to "fix" him but whether you believe you deserve a caring, mutually respectful partner. If you deserve that and he aint that, the choice is pretty clear.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Do not marry a man who lacks passion & desire for you....you will grow resentful / angry / lonely/ thirsting for more in the bedroom / miserable and curse the day you married him. 

If he can't openly talk about these things showing concern for how you feel, showing he is a giving Lover....but trying to stifle you...huge red flags waving...

The 3 things that bring down the majority of marriages are :

1. *Sex*

2. *Communication* 

3. *Finances* 

Until you get the 1st 2 settled... do not marry, do not pass Go... Work it out before the vows, or let each other go... compatibility is everything & in so many areas !


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

If your views don't matter, if your feelings don't matter, if your needs don't matter, then YOU don't matter. Anyone who claims to love you but dismisses your needs, your fears, or your concerns, is a liar.


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## DT4379 (Sep 21, 2012)

unbelievable said:


> If your views don't matter, if your feelings don't matter, if your needs don't matter, then YOU don't matter. Anyone who claims to love you but dismisses your needs, your fears, or your concerns, is a liar.


I do think he cares about me but he has this view that couples dont argue umrealitic his family are not affectionate unlike mine and they dont talk to eavh otjer or say i love u i worry about my future
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Let's see....couples don't argue. They don't display affection. They don't talk to each other. They don't profess their love but they are free to display hostility. In other words, they live alone while sharing a space, kinda like pissed off strangers attending a movie.


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## DT4379 (Sep 21, 2012)

we do argue but less often..he just dowsnt like to fight well who does ...He shows affection to me always hugs and kisses me when he comes home from work and throughout the nite..Just concerned about how he doesnt like to hera anything negative about us..But I appreciate all the comments and advice given


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

I used to believe that avoiding confrontation was taking the moral high ground and a great way to keep peace and harmony. It's just avoidance and it's every bit as damaging to a relationship as being abusive.


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## COguy (Dec 1, 2011)

DT4379 said:


> we do argue but less often..he just dowsnt like to fight well who does ...He shows affection to me always hugs and kisses me when he comes home from work and throughout the nite..Just concerned about how he doesnt like to hera anything negative about us..But I appreciate all the comments and advice given


Good god what a horrible red flag. Please do not get married until this has been resolved for a long time (preferably over a year). Take precautions to not have children.


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## 40isthenew20 (Jul 12, 2012)

Is it possible he has ED and trying to hide it from embarrassment. Even so, he should be a nice guy and go down on you or use a vibrator together. Gotta take care of the missus.


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## TCSRedhead (Oct 17, 2012)

These are more superficial suggestions to kick start things but I would definitely have some conversations about overall intimacy in the relationship.

Try dressing up a bit more than usual, hair/makeup, heels, etc.

Buy some pretty lingerie - walk around the house wearing that instead of the t-shirt, sweats, etc.

Start things off when he's not expecting it - climb up on his lap on the couch, unbuckle his pants and get the party started. Hop in the shower with him and go down on him.

Sometimes guys can just get bored and turned off when it's always in the same place at the same time - break up the routine. 

If he doesn't respond to these things, having the conversation about intimacy is pretty moot. I'd cut my losses and move on.


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## Gunthar (Sep 2, 2012)

SimplyAmorous said:


> The 3 things that bring down the majority of marriages are :
> 
> 1. *Sex*
> 
> ...


Great list....let me add:

#3-Making your relationship a high priority POST marriage.

#4 Finances

When the honeymoon is over is really when the real work in making a marriage work long term begins.


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## Memento (Aug 23, 2012)

DT4379 said:


> I have situation that bugs me to no end about my finace..I love him very much but in the bedroom he is lazy..He hardly kisses me and when I try he turns his head this is while I am trying to have sex with him..He seems to iniate sex very little..So i aksed him last nite if he was bored..not my first time asking and he got mad at me..I said to him semms like youre to tired to have sex and he got mad again..I apologized because he said I hurt his feelings but I really am getting annoyed that he seems to put no effort in the bedroom..When we do its great but I feel like I need more romance..Getting worried about this as I lpove romance and passion but we are lacking..How do I handle this?


This reminds me a lot of my case.
My husband and I had a very similar problem. The causes of that dysfunction were a lot of resentment we had towards each other and also, porn. 
Have you ever consider any of these hypothesis, or both?


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## Pinkme (Oct 15, 2012)

unbelievable said:


> I used to believe that avoiding confrontation was taking the moral high ground and a great way to keep peace and harmony. It's just avoidance and it's every bit as damaging to a relationship as being abusive.


:iagree:


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## DT4379 (Sep 21, 2012)

Memento said:


> This reminds me a lot of my case.
> My husband and I had a very similar problem. The causes of that dysfunction were a lot of resentment we had towards each other and also, porn.
> Have you ever consider any of these hypothesis, or both?


I would have thought that but If he does have resentment he hasnt said a thing about it...The last few days have been weird as he is more affectionat ethan ever but he was to tired to have sex last nite and kept apologizing today..whats up with that?


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## Memento (Aug 23, 2012)

DT4379 said:


> I would have thought that but If he does have resentment he hasnt said a thing about it...The last few days have been weird as he is more affectionat ethan ever but he was to tired to have sex last nite and kept apologizing today..whats up with that?


That is a bit odd! How is he doing sexually? Have you noticed something different?


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## DT4379 (Sep 21, 2012)

Yes it is odd we used to have sex daily but seems like he's not interested and I am taking it personal and getting angry at him...He said today it has nothing to do with me and he finds me the sexiest womena in the world...Im confused and irritated


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

"He said today it has nothing to do with me."

The problem is that your own sex life has everything to do with you.

Please don't marry this man. This problem will not get better, it will get worse.


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## Memento (Aug 23, 2012)

DT4379 said:


> Yes it is odd we used to have sex daily but seems like he's not interested and I am taking it personal and getting angry at him...He said today it has nothing to do with me and he finds me the sexiest womena in the world...Im confused and irritated


Is there any physical and/or emotional problems that you know of that are affecting his performance? Men tend to be VERY sensitive about that.


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## Memento (Aug 23, 2012)

Faithful Wife said:


> "He said today it has nothing to do with me."
> 
> The problem is that your own sex life has everything to do with you.
> 
> Please don't marry this man. This problem will not get better, it will get worse.


If he suffers from, for example, impotence, low t or depression, I don't see how that has to do with her.

He might be suffering from a physical and/or emotional condition.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

It affects HER sex life, so it has everything to do with her. It doesn't matter what is causing it, what matters is that she is being set up for a sexless marriage.


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## DT4379 (Sep 21, 2012)

I dont think we will have a sexless marriage its just I am a romantic and he's not...Maybe its me thats not into him as much because I like romance...

I have a resentment because he flits with women at work all the time and I cant get it out of my mind he thinks I dont know about some emails I have seen but I have I know worng of me ..so maybe I feel that he is not inot me because he has to flirt with other women


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