# Birth Control



## lookingforpeace (Sep 30, 2014)

My fiance is mad at me because I forgot that I threw away a pack of pills leftover from when I stopped taking BC (in may). He asked me if I started taking them again. I said no. He then proceeded to say "Why dont you just tell me wtf is going on" I said nothing is going on I obviously forgot I threw them away. What is the big deal? Feeling confused and brainwashed, does he have a reason to be mad?


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

Can you give more information? I feel like a lot has been left out. 

Does he think you are taking the pills secretly and he doesn't want you to? Or does he want you to be taking them and you didn't tell him you stopped in May?


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## lookingforpeace (Sep 30, 2014)

We have been actively trying since I stopped taking the pill in May. At first he thought I was taking them, which if I was I could see where that would hurt his feelings. We have been having alot of issues, mainly that he cannot trust me because "I havent changed for him". Here is exactly how the text-convo went:

Him: r u back on bc
me: what?
h: birth control
m: no
h: where are the ones that were in your room?
m: if they arent under the table or behind we threw them away
h: no we didnt they were there last week and i didnt throw them away
m: did you check under the table i havent been taking them so idk y your even questioning me
h: no they arent there either i didnt touch them and u say u didnt touch them so
m: if they arent there then i must have them away when i cleaned our room
h: mind telling me the truth before i just end this now
m: im not taking them so whats your problem?
h: im sure you would have remembered throwing those away since i bring them up every now and then and u get pissed so dont play like u dont remember
m: i think its been longer than last week if they arent there they have been thrown away bc im not taking them
h: i didnt throw them away and neither did u or else u would have remembered right?
m: you need to stop it theres no reason for u to be freaking out its as easy as throwing away a cotton ball or a piece of paper
m: im not taking them so what does it matter?
.........and much more fighting after that.


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

Are you ok with still trying for a baby before you resolve the trust and fighting issues? Him threatening to leave over something so silly doesn't sound like the relationship is solid enough for a child. 

Babies will up the stress level in the home, I would tell him that you need to put a stop to the TTC until you're in a better place.


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## lookingforpeace (Sep 30, 2014)

im really not sure how i feel anymore..


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

Yeah, he sounds crazy making. 

I think you should get back on the pill.


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

Why would he question you about the bc? 

I would suggest marriage counseling before any more conceiving issues. Pretty much because I wouldn't want to be trying to conceive if I didn't know what I wanted in the marriage. The marriage should be pretty solid, like THIS is that man that you WANT to father your children. THIS man, who loves you and respects and trusts you.... THIS would be a lifetime spouse and the man you want your babies to have as a father.

I don't think it's a small, or silly issue. Either he is upset because he perceives you as trying to prevent pregnancy while agreeing to try, which is just wrong. OR, he is upset because he is wondering if you even want to conceive and he does. Or he is just crazy. None of these are a silly little issue and should be addressed. Hence, marriage counseling.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

I agree. The relationship isn't solid enough for a baby right now. Tell him that, and tell him that you are going back on the pill until things are on a more even keel.


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## Revamped (Jun 19, 2014)

Why didn't you just admit you threw them away because you didn't need them anymore? Instead, you act like a ghost came in, searched the house only for your BC and existed with pills in tow.

Much ado about nothing...

You don't really want a baby right now, do you....

Come on, be honest.


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## Rayloveshiswife (Sep 25, 2013)

frusdil said:


> I agree. The relationship isn't solid enough for a baby right now. Tell him that, and tell him that you are going back on the pill until things are on a more even keel.


I agree. At this point it's probably not even a good idea to get married with the trust issues that are going on, let alone bring a child into the relationship. Please don't make the mistake that so make make thinking that if you get married or have children things will get better. They never do. 

Ray
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

You as a woman and potential mother of this child should not be trying for babies out of wedlock.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

A lot of people think Birth Control is 100%, it's NOT.

I have a feeling your guys are one of those couples. Does he pull out or wear a condom? 

If not, you guys are asking for trouble. 

And no birth control + no pulling our or no condom = kid

Yea, he has a GOOD reason to be mad.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

DoF said:


> A lot of people think Birth Control is 100%, it's NOT.
> 
> I have a feeling your guys are one of those couples. Does he pull out or wear a condom?
> 
> ...



They are trying to conceive. 

As crazy and ill-advised as that seems to most of us, considering the obvious state of their relationship, they are _trying_ to get pregnant. What he's mad about is he thinks she's sneaking around and taking birth control behind his back.


And, yes, OP, I too think you should definitely not have a child with this man. Neither of you seem ready to be parents. He seems a little nuts. And your relationship is already rocky. All a new baby will do is add chaos and amplify the problems that already exist.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good afternoon lookingforpeace
There is a LOT wrong here. Please please please do not have children until you sort these things out.

Why would he think you were taking BC if you were trying to get pregnant? What has made him think you don't want a baby? This suggests that you are NOT really in agreement over having a child.

Why does he keep "bringing up" BC?

Why couldn't you tell him you threw them away? 

Seriously, bringing a child into this situation will make things worse for both of you and especially bad for the child.


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## lookingforpeace (Sep 30, 2014)

I forgot that I even threw them away is my point until he asked I said well look on my bedside table if they aren't there I threw them away. It's been awhile since I threw them away. We have been fighting a lot lately and he questions everything I do. He doesn't trust me bc I haven't changed for him. Our communication lacks bc I avoid talking just to avoid conflict. He turns everything around on me and says 'why are u with me then' 'why do u stay with me if you complain about _____'


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Good lord, the LAST thing you need to be doing with this man is having a baby! Your relationship needs serious help, not a baby!


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

DoF said:


> A lot of people think Birth Control is 100%, it's NOT.
> 
> I have a feeling your guys are one of those couples. Does he pull out or wear a condom?
> 
> ...


I think you missed the point. He wants to get her pregnant. She agreed. Now he thinks she has been sneaking BC because he cannot find her old BC pills that she threw away.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

lookingforpeace said:


> I forgot that I even threw them away is my point until he asked I said well look on my bedside table if they aren't there I threw them away. It's been awhile since I threw them away. We have been fighting a lot lately and he questions everything I do. *He doesn't trust me bc I haven't changed for him.* Our communication lacks bc I avoid talking just to avoid conflict. He turns everything around on me and says 'why are u with me then' 'why do u stay with me if you complain about _____'


What does he expect you to change about yourself for him?


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## lookingforpeace (Sep 30, 2014)

I don't communicate effectively, nor do I open up to him. I avoid most communication to avoid conflict.


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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

Hicks said:


> You as a woman and potential mother of this child should not be trying for babies out of wedlock.


Why? Care to expound on that thought?


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## Rayloveshiswife (Sep 25, 2013)

lookingforpeace said:


> I don't communicate effectively, nor do I open up to him. I avoid most communication to avoid conflict.


I belive Communication issues are the biggest thing facing marriage today. Yours are compounded by a man that treats you badly. You seriously need to rethink getting pregnate and having children right now unless you like the idea of being a single mom. You will only put up with his crap for so long. 

Ray
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lookingforpeace (Sep 30, 2014)

So is he over reacting or am I not being understanding like he says?


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## sidney2718 (Nov 2, 2013)

lucy999 said:


> > Originally Posted by Hicks ￼
> > You as a woman and potential mother of this child should not be trying for babies out of wedlock.
> 
> 
> Why? Care to expound on that thought?


Two reasons. One is that their relationship is currently coming apart. The other is that if they break up after they have a baby she may well find herself a single mother living on welfare.

I'm fairly sure that's not her dream for the future.


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