# Bomb thrown in our lap today.



## nnoodle

Let me set the stage: 

21 year old daughter: sweet and kind but immature and NOT independent. Still lives at home, has a job and attends community college part time. Does not yet know what she wants to do for a career. 

She bega dating a nice young man last April. We knew they were serious fairly quickly. I like him: he treats her well, cares for her deeply and has been very respectful. 

Added bonus: he enlisted to the army and was stationed out of state so their relationship centered around visits but mostly phone/text communication. 

Early December he let us know he wanted to ask for her hand in marriage over the christmas visit. After many conversations with him, we said it was okay with the commitment to a *2 year engagement*.

He proposed at Christmas. We were happy but cautious. We feel both of them have a lot of growing up to do in the next two years. Lots of conversations the last few weeks regarding how/when they would get married, when she would move to his base etc....(many states away). In those discussions my daughter mentioned several times they wanted to wait to have children (thank god) so they could experience married life together for awhile. 

WELL THAT **** HIT THE FAN THIS MORNING! My radar had been signaling the past few days: she has been really quiet. I started thinking back on the calendar. This morning I asked her.."are you late?". 

Instant tears and affirmation she is pregnant. 

I am at a complete loss. Of all the people I know, she is by far the least equipt to deal with a baby. Not to mention her fiance has a 3 yr commitment to the military so if they were to marry now, she would be far away without any support.

And, while it is now a moot point, I spoke with both of them during their Christmas visit to use protection. Since they were both down with the vomiting flu for most of the time too, I wasnt too concerned. When he stayed for one night I literally lay on the floor in the same room to supervise and pass the barf bucket as they were both getting sick(we all camped out in the living room). 

Apparently the supervision was far less at his house. 

Regardless, we now have a daughter who is wholly unprepared to be a mother with a young man who is just about as clueless expecting. 

Any words of wisdom or guidance for us? My husband is blown away by this too. He had many conversations with our daughter's fiance and feels they have real potential too as a couple *given time*.

In all this, we do feel these two love each other deeply and have shared a lot of their hopes and dreams for the future with one another and with us. They just have a lot of growing up to do and this may be more than they can handle just yet. 


One shocked momma.


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## nnoodle

The kicker in all of this? My husband and I had gone through some very trying times and after years of being emotionally distant with one another we finally have our marriage in a very happy place. 

Honestly, our marriage is probably the best it has ever been right now. When all this happened this morning I was able to turn to him for the first time in our marriage with a crisis and felt like I have a partner that is with me dealing with all the swirling emotions and worries. 

I know we will have a long road here as a family but I am thankful this is happening now and not a couple of years ago. Were it to have happened then I would have felt alone. Now I have my husband right here with me. 

Thankful for that aspect of this situation. It is showing me just how much our marriage has changed. 

Time to start making lemonade....


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## anotherguy

I have a niece like this. She was actually, secretly, 'aiming' to get preggers as a means to provide direction and purpose in her life. But whatever - reasons and motives and cause ...its all water under a very large bridge at this point.

*sigh*

Nothing you can really do now. 21. Good gravy.

My advice: get busy making the best of it. Don't harp on the woulda-shoulda-coulda's. Just dont. 

I am a big believer that happy healthy babies start first and formost with a physically and mentally perpared and relaxed, low stress mom. Tall order aint it???!!

Figure it out. Go to the doctor. Make sure she feels welcome and loved. Get some space allocated.. even a bassinet. Start the process.. you have been there - she has not. Dont conrol too much and start guiding her toward taking more responsilitity for her life but pitch in when she starts getting swamped. Its a tricky balance. Tell her to stay in school.. as much as she can. It matters. This is actually an opportunity that you may not have in other circumstances - you can make a difference here.

Life. It's never boring. Hang on.. you are in for several years of extreme 'entertainment' in your world.


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## SadSamIAm

My sister got pregnant in Grade 12. She was a party girl. Passed her classes, but liked to party. She got pregnant with her boyfriend at the time that was a real loser. She was in no way, ready for a baby.

During the pregnancy, she broke up with the father. She had the baby with the intention of giving it up for adoption. Once she had the baby, she couldn't help but go see him. The nurses warned her not to. She ended up bringing him home. She lived with us for about three months and then decided to move out on her own. She worked in a cafe and a bank and had a babysitter look after him. A couple of years later, she met a great guy. She is now almost 60, been married for 35 years and has 6 grandchildren.

I know not all pregnancy stories end up this way. But some do.

Have faith in your daughter and her boyfriend. Give them your support, but let them deal with the issues.


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## nnoodle

I think my biggest concern is location, location, location. He has a commitment to the military that is so far away....I cannot imagine how the logistics are going to work? 

Its hard enough to move away far from the home newly married but pregnate? I think that is where I worry most.


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## daisygirl 41

She's not a child, she's 21. Old enough to make her own decisions.
Maybe she got pregnant on purpose because of the 2 year enforced engagement?
How does her fiancée feel about the pregnancy?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## southern wife

SadSamIAm said:


> Have faith in your daughter and her boyfriend. Give them your support, but let them deal with the issues.


:iagree: They are adults of legal age; not 15 year olds. They need all the support and love they can get at this time in their lives to help them through it. They can get through this. Many do.


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## nnoodle

The 2 year engagement was agreed to not forced for several reasons aside from their young ages which were all entirely practical. And two years is not that unusual for an engagement. 

1. He is stationed in TX for 2 yrs. They were going to be married before his next assignment. 

2. We are paying for her college course, she buys her books. We wanted her to finish her associates before moving out of state (too many credits are non transferable: I wish there was a more uniform transfer method across the board but it is what it is.)

3. We (as the bride's family) needed time to save up for the wedding they were planning/ wanted.


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## nnoodle

Her fiance is happy but scared. Healthy reaction.


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## joe kidd

Sounds like she will be growing up in a hurry. My oldest got pregnant at 16. We made her stay in school and she went to college. She is doing pretty well now.


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## kag123

Honestly, it hurt me deeply to read this post. I can only imagine this is some of how my own mother felt when I got pregnant unplanned at a bad time. The circumstances were a little different, as my then-BF (now H) and I were newly living together at the time, against everyones wishes, when we conceived our son. We were both adults, but had only graduated from college one month before concieving, didnt have steady jobs, we were broke and in now way ready for a baby.

Anyhow - I have to tell you that one of the hardest things I ever have done in my life was when we told my parents of the pregnancy. I was technically an adult, just like your daughter, but I was still at a fragile young age where my parents opinions made a big difference to me and I still needed their guidance and support. Unfortunately, they did not react kindly. I know they were shocked, and there was a lot of "I told you so's" from them re: our choice to live together before marraige (as if we weren't having sex for a very long time before that?!). But it hurt - deeply.

In my case - we were using birth control religiously and my husband also has a low sperm count due to a birth defect (diagnosed). So we really thought we were being incredibly responsible and careful - but just goes to show you that the only surefire way to avoid pregnancy is abstinence. Honestly, I don't think that it is fair to assume that any young teen/adult in a serious relationship is practicing abstinence in this day and age. Understanding that a pregnancy can occur anytime, even with protection, to me means it is unfair to villianize young women who become pregnant.

So, my entire pregnancy was extremely stressful. I was scared out of my mind the entire time. To be perfectly honest before we concieved I wasn't even positive that I EVER wanted to have children, but we were not ever going to consider abortion. 

Due to my parents negative reaction and visible shock, I walled myself off from them for my pregnancy. We still spoke with them and visited with them, but I purposely did not speak to them about any details related to my pregnancy, my intense fear and stress, the complications that resulted most likely due to that intense fear and stress (high blood pressure the entire pregnancy that escalated into pre-eclampsia at the very end). I felt judged. I sobbed myself to sleep many nights during that pregnancy knowing how much I disappointed my family, knowing how unprepared we were for a baby, and knowing just how much I NEEDED my mother to reassure me and to be there for me when I was scared. And how much she just WASNT there for me because she could not put aside her own judgment of my situation to be there for me. My husband was incredibly supportive and reassuring during my pregnancy - but there are just some things while your pregnant that you NEED another female to give you guidance on. Pregnancy in itself is a rollercoaster and I felt like my husband, despite his best intentions, just couldn't understand some of what I went through.

To be perfectly honest with you - it has scarred our relationship for life. I will never be able to forget or full forgive my parents - especially my mother - for how alienated I felt during my pregnancy and how deeply it scarred me to feel that in my deepest time of need, she was not there for me. I was too proud to ask for help, because she made me feel as if I was to be scorned for my mistake. I no longer feel anger towards her for what happened during that time, because with distance I was able to understand a bit better how shocking it must have been for her. However, I am unhappy that she was unable or unwilling (not sure which it was) to put aside her own negativity and disappointment to try to make the situation the best that it could have been. I have vowed that no matter what happens in my own childrens lives, I will try to offer them the safe haven and support that I was not given in that situation.

We made it through, and H and I got married during my pregnancy and we have made quite a nice little family for ourselves despite the odds being stacked against us in the beginning. But I will never be able to fully open up or embrace my parents again from that day forward. I walled off my heart to them that day. It even affects the relationship they have with their grandchildren. We see them often - but as you know, little children can sense tension and despite my best efforts not to have my own strained relationship affect my children and their realtionship with their grandparents, it does.

The reason I am sharing this story with you is - it's perfectly fine for you to take the time to get over the shock. I get it. But PLEASE, hide these negative feelings from your daughter. Now is not a time to rub it in, how disappointed you are, or to say "I told you so", or to speak to her about how unprepared she is. Now is the time for you to provide her the safe place to land, and the nurturing she desperately needs. She has to be afraid of her future. All of the negative things you say in your post, you have to know that she has those same thoughts and fears running through her own mind. She may have made a mistake, but that doesn't mean she is stupid. She is an adult and she will have to begin acting like one. The best way you can help her do that, is by being as supportive as possible. Do not close off your heart to her now. 

I hope this didnt sound too judgmental or harsh - I just want to share my story in hopes it might strike a chord with you.


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## nnoodle

I find it interesting you are characterising my post as "judgemental" and advise I don't "close off your heart to her now". 

I think you may be projecting. I don't think there is any implication I was closing off anything....

I think I very clearly expressed concern about the idea of her being far away pregnate?


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby

I had an unplanned pregnancy at 19. I know it was very very young and I made the wrong choice. I wasn't married or even engaged. We did marry a month later, but that was the biggest mistake of my life. Having a child really made me step up my A game and I became very independent.

I did have the support of my parents and now my daughter is nearly 19 herself. It all ended well. I remarried and had two more beautiful children. I couldn't ask for a better husband or father. Life turned out extremely well despite a few health issues I deal with.

Support your daughter and her fiancé. It will all work out and enjoy your new grandchild. Congratulations too!


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## nnoodle

I'mInLove: my story too. I had my daughter (the subject of this post) at 19. Not married or engaged at that point. Put myself through college as a single parent. Uber independent. Went on to meet my husband and had two more girls. 

I know it can work: I just know this is far faster than either of them wanted. I also know my 21 was different than my daughter's 21. 

The kicker: this morning my biggest concern with my daughter was the future mother-in-law running rough shod over the bride and groom's wishes for the wedding.  She was bossing them both something fierce yesterday about dress style, color selection and location. Just last night I jokeingly said to my daughter "it might be easier to elope". 

I fear for my soon-to-be-son-in-law when she gets this news.


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## d4life

kag123 said:


> Honestly, it hurt me deeply to read this post. I can only imagine this is some of how my own mother felt when I got pregnant unplanned at a bad time. The circumstances were a little different, as my then-BF (now H) and I were newly living together at the time, against everyones wishes, when we conceived our son. We were both adults, but had only graduated from college one month before concieving, didnt have steady jobs, we were broke and in now way ready for a baby.
> 
> Anyhow - I have to tell you that one of the hardest things I ever have done in my life was when we told my parents of the pregnancy. I was technically an adult, just like your daughter, but I was still at a fragile young age where my parents opinions made a big difference to me and I still needed their guidance and support. Unfortunately, they did not react kindly. I know they were shocked, and there was a lot of "I told you so's" from them re: our choice to live together before marraige (as if we weren't having sex for a very long time before that?!). But it hurt - deeply.
> 
> In my case - we were using birth control religiously and my husband also has a low sperm count due to a birth defect (diagnosed). So we really thought we were being incredibly responsible and careful - but just goes to show you that the only surefire way to avoid pregnancy is abstinence. Honestly, I don't think that it is fair to assume that any young teen/adult in a serious relationship is practicing abstinence in this day and age. Understanding that a pregnancy can occur anytime, even with protection, to me means it is unfair to villianize young women who become pregnant.
> 
> So, my entire pregnancy was extremely stressful. I was scared out of my mind the entire time. To be perfectly honest before we concieved I wasn't even positive that I EVER wanted to have children, but we were not ever going to consider abortion.
> 
> Due to my parents negative reaction and visible shock, I walled myself off from them for my pregnancy. We still spoke with them and visited with them, but I purposely did not speak to them about any details related to my pregnancy, my intense fear and stress, the complications that resulted most likely due to that intense fear and stress (high blood pressure the entire pregnancy that escalated into pre-eclampsia at the very end). I felt judged. I sobbed myself to sleep many nights during that pregnancy knowing how much I disappointed my family, knowing how unprepared we were for a baby, and knowing just how much I NEEDED my mother to reassure me and to be there for me when I was scared. And how much she just WASNT there for me because she could not put aside her own judgment of my situation to be there for me. My husband was incredibly supportive and reassuring during my pregnancy - but there are just some things while your pregnant that you NEED another female to give you guidance on. Pregnancy in itself is a rollercoaster and I felt like my husband, despite his best intentions, just couldn't understand some of what I went through.
> 
> To be perfectly honest with you - it has scarred our relationship for life. I will never be able to forget or full forgive my parents - especially my mother - for how alienated I felt during my pregnancy and how deeply it scarred me to feel that in my deepest time of need, she was not there for me. I was too proud to ask for help, because she made me feel as if I was to be scorned for my mistake. I no longer feel anger towards her for what happened during that time, because with distance I was able to understand a bit better how shocking it must have been for her. However, I am unhappy that she was unable or unwilling (not sure which it was) to put aside her own negativity and disappointment to try to make the situation the best that it could have been. I have vowed that no matter what happens in my own childrens lives, I will try to offer them the safe haven and support that I was not given in that situation.
> 
> We made it through, and H and I got married during my pregnancy and we have made quite a nice little family for ourselves despite the odds being stacked against us in the beginning. But I will never be able to fully open up or embrace my parents again from that day forward. I walled off my heart to them that day. It even affects the relationship they have with their grandchildren. We see them often - but as you know, little children can sense tension and despite my best efforts not to have my own strained relationship affect my children and their realtionship with their grandparents, it does.
> 
> The reason I am sharing this story with you is - it's perfectly fine for you to take the time to get over the shock. I get it. But PLEASE, hide these negative feelings from your daughter. Now is not a time to rub it in, how disappointed you are, or to say "I told you so", or to speak to her about how unprepared she is. Now is the time for you to provide her the safe place to land, and the nurturing she desperately needs. She has to be afraid of her future. All of the negative things you say in your post, you have to know that she has those same thoughts and fears running through her own mind. She may have made a mistake, but that doesn't mean she is stupid. She is an adult and she will have to begin acting like one. The best way you can help her do that, is by being as supportive as possible. Do not close off your heart to her now.
> 
> I hope this didnt sound too judgmental or harsh - I just want to share my story in hopes it might strike a chord with you.



Thank you for this post. I really needed to hear this today. I found out a week ago that my 20 year old daughter is 5 weeks pregnant by a boy who has abused her for many years and we didnt even know that she was seeing him again. I made a thread about it here. (a mothers nightmare) 

For the past week I have been so angry with her because I can't see a future with this guy. He sits around playing video games and smoking pot. He dropped out of school in 10th grade and he is unemployed. There is a long history here that I just can't get over.

She quit school which let her scholarship go. Gave up a chance to go to Disney for the college program that she had just been accepted to also. 

I want to be there for my daughter, but right now I am struggling with it. I could only wish that my daughter was in a relationship like the OP here, but that's not the case. I would have loved it if she had been in your shoes too. At least you could see that there is a very good chance of a bright outcome in both. I just dont see it at all in our situation. I hope I am proven wrong, but I am not holding my breath.

OP, while I am somewhat in your shoes, it sounds like your daughter will be fine. I would gladly trade places with you if you would like to. Just be thankful that you really like this young man and that they have a plan. 

I am at the point now that I have accepted the fact that a new baby will be here soon, but I have a lot of work to do with my daughter.


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## d4life

tdwal said:


> D4life Well if it's any consolation, relationships in these circumstances don't last very long. Tell your daughter to not rush into marriage.


Thank you. I have told her the very same thing so of course I am sure that will be her next step because everything we advise her not to do she turns right around and does it anyway. 

I have talked to his mother and told her how we felt about it and she agreed with us that they should not get married right now. She said that he wouldn't do that anyway. I hope she is right.


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## StargateFan

There are many many great stories of hardship and learning and in the end it all works out well. Very inspirational. Unfortunately, there are many stories where it does not work out well, even tragically. 

This happened to my wife and I before we were married. I knew full well I was to young and not ready. It would have ended up being a sad story in the end. Hardest decision of our lives. 10 years late we started a family when we were ready and it has been wonderful. 

Neither of us regret our decision.


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## BarelyThere

Well, she's already in a safe spot. If they weren't going to get married for two more years, why not invite her to stay there where you can help and support her while he continues his military career?

He can take leave to visit her and the baby there and traveling back and forth can be arranged. If you don't think she's emotionally ready, it's going to be very difficult for her to be in a new place with a working husband who is likely gone a lot and no parental support.


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## Lon

My advice: embrace it!


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## Faithful Wife

My daughter became pregnant before marriage, too. It was hard, but it is ok now. It will all be ok, just try to roll with it. I was so worried and some of my worries actually have played out but...you know what? Grandbabies are so awesome that it does kind of take the sting out of it all.

I am too young to be a grandma and I look even younger than I am. I now have a 5 y/o and 2 y/o grandbaby, and everywhere I go, everyone I know exclaims "WHAT?!?! How on earth can you be a grandparent". They think this is a compliment, but it isn't.

On the other hand, sometimes strangers just assume I am the mommy, which is much better and doesn't require any explanation!

Hang in there. It is very difficult but mostly the difficulty is what happens in your mind.


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## Anonymous07

SadSamIAm said:


> Have faith in your daughter and her boyfriend. Give them your support, but let them deal with the issues.


:iagree:

She is 21 years old and technically an adult, so she has to learn to deal with this on her own. Don't try to take over and tell her what to do and how to react, as she has to grow up now, which means learning to be independent by taking care of herself and the baby. She needs to find an ob and make the doctor's appointment to confirm the pregnancy and start prenatal care. She needs to go to the store and buy prenatal vitamins, in which she needs to start taking them now daily, if she hasn't already. Don't do any of that for her. If she has questions, by all means be supportive and help her verbally with what she asks, but make sure she does everything else on her own. 

It's not an ideal situation, but it has already happened and she'll have to learn quickly about how to be an adult. She'll get there.


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## TrustInUs

It's going to be hard, but now it the time to let her go. Be there for her with questions, concerns, and lots of support, but let her make the decisions. It's scary to let your child make these kinds of decisions on her own, especially when you've been there.

She will get good health care being a military wife, and if I remember correctly she will be able to get help with college. Hopefully she will be like you, and many others where she grows to be responsible, mature, independent adult, and hopefully her and her boyfriend's relationship will become stronger during this process. Of course there will be hard times ahead for her, but that's where the love and support of you and your husband come in.

Best of luck to you all!


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## Maricha75

tdwal said:


> D4life Well if it's any consolation, relationships in these circumstances don't last very long. Tell your daughter to not rush into marriage.


Except for those rare occasions where "don't last very long" end up lasting 12 (and still going) years, right? Not every "rush wedding" due to pregnancy fails. They go through tough times, of course, but some actually end up stronger. 

I speak from experience. The only difference was that we got married as soon as we could after learning of the pregnancy, which was only one month before we had planned to marry. I ended up miscarrying that baby. But my husband and I will celebrate our 13th anniversary in May. He was still in his senior year in high school, age 18, when we married. So, yes, even when young, immature, etc, the marriages can last.

Now, that said, I do agree that they should be counseled not to marry hastily because usually, such marriages DO end badly. I just wanted to point out that there are some that don't.


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## TrustInUs

Oh, I was under the impression that they had been talking about marriage before she became pregnant. I may have misread In that case, she shouldn't rush into marriage for that reason.


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## underwater2010

I had my first child two months before I turned 21. Was I completely ready or an "adult" as you have said....no. I was scared as hell to tell my mom. But it has worked out wonderfully. My husband and I have grown together and I have a wonder 13 yr old that just blows my mind away. Not to mention two more kids that are my pride and joy.

BTW....my parents did not pay for my wedding....my husand and I did. I forfieted that right the minute I got pregnant. I would save that money you are planning to spend for her wedding and hold on to it for when she calls about be short on cash for diapers or formula.


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## Maricha75

TrustInUs said:


> Oh, I was under the impression that they had been talking about marriage before she became pregnant. I may have misread In that case, she shouldn't rush into marriage for that reason.


Oh, I believe they were discussing marriage before. He proposed and they agreed to a 2 year engagement.... and then they learned she is pregnant. My comment about not marrying hastily was only meant to say that they shouldn't marry right away JUST because she is pregnant. They should go ahead with the plans they already have, or at least wait a few more months/a year, IMO.


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## underwater2010

My husand and I were engaged about 3 months prior to the pregnancy and got married when I was 6 months pregnant. I wanted a drive thru or jutice of peace. We ended up with a small wedding. 

I wouldn't have married him just because I was pregnant...I loved him. And my guess is that this lady's daughter is in the same position. Is it the best way to start a family....no. But it is not the end of the world or her daughter's future. Just think, since he is enlisted they will have great medical benefits. And a child is a blessing even when we have them at an early age.


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## Fisherman

Maricha75 said:


> Except for those rare occasions where "don't last very long" end up lasting 12 (and still going) years, right? Not every "rush wedding" due to pregnancy fails. They go through tough times, of course, but some actually end up stronger.
> 
> I speak from experience. The only difference was that we got married as soon as we could after learning of the pregnancy, which was only one month before we had planned to marry. I ended up miscarrying that baby. But my husband and I will celebrate our 13th anniversary in May. He was still in his senior year in high school, age 18, when we married. So, yes, even when young, immature, etc, the marriages can last.
> 
> Now, that said, I do agree that they should be counseled not to marry hastily because usually, such marriages DO end badly. I just wanted to point out that there are some that don't.


Some do most dont


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## Wiserforit

There's over a billion women on the planet that were pregnant by age 21. In some cultures this would be considered quite late. In terms of capability, don't sell your daughter short.


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## turnera

Be glad that she has a man who loves her and wants to marry her. I would, however, set up early some ground rules on what you will and won't be doing for her. If she's as dependent as you say, she will gladly let you take over for her. Don't make that mistake.


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## EleGirl

I suppose they are getting married now. The military provides extra income to married soldier. She and the baby will get good medical care through the military programs.

She will be ok.

Does she hope to go on and get a 4 year degree? If so why is she getting an associates degree that has credits that will not transfer to a 4 year school? She will also be able to get some financial support from the military for schooling as a dependent and she might also qualify for federal financial aid. 

If she moves to Texas with him, which she probably should at this point she will be ok. Texas is a good place to live. 

She's an adult. You really have very little choice except to accept that she's made an adult decision and is getting on with her live. She will be growing up pretty fast now. 21 I a bit late to be starting to grow up anyway.


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## Maricha75

EleGirl said:


> Does she hope to go on and get a 4 year degree? If so why is she getting an associates degree that has credits that will not transfer to a 4 year school? She will also be able to get some financial support from the military for schooling as a dependent and she might also qualify for federal financial aid.


The way I understood it, from what the Op said in the beginning, was that she was getting an associate degree during the 2 year engagement, then going to a 4 year school afterward, to continue. I think the logic behind it as the same logic behind my associate degree: can't afford university, even with financial aid, at first, so going to community college. Community college credits don't always transfer. However, if you get the "general education" requirements out of the way. The associate degree transfers, even when credits will not.


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## EleGirl

Maricha75 said:


> The way I understood it, from what the Op said in the beginning, was that she was getting an associate degree during the 2 year engagement, then going to a 4 year school afterward, to continue. I think the logic behind it as the same logic behind my associate degree: can't afford university, even with financial aid, at first, so going to community college. Community college credits don't always transfer. However, if you get the "general education" requirements out of the way. The associate degree transfers, even when credits will not.


My son did his first 2 years at a community college. A lot of students do that here because the community college is $600 a semester while the University is about $4000 a semester for instate. All of his credits transferred to the university he is attending for his BS degree.

When a person transfers from a community college to a 4 year college or university, it's not the AA that transfers; it's the individual course credits. At least that's how it's done at most of the Universities we checked out. None of them took an AA at face value.

Maybe it’s different at some schools. Don’t know.


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## Maricha75

EleGirl said:


> My son did his first 2 years at a community college. A lot of students do that here because the community college is $600 a semester while the University is about $4000 a semester for instate. All of his credits transferred to the university he is attending for his BS degree.
> 
> When a person transfers from a community college to a 4 year college or university, it's not the AA that transfers; it's the individual course credits. At least that's how it's done at most of the Universities we checked out. None of them took an AA at face value.
> 
> Maybe it’s different at some schools. Don’t know.


Yea, it could also be that policies changed at the schools I was looking at since i got my AA. I got it in '99 and was informed at all the schools I looked into then that the degree ensured I wouldn't have to retake something I already took under a different course number. So, maybe different schools have different policies? Who knows?


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## Bellavista

Can she stay with you guys while her fiance is away with the military? Then you can help her with the baby and help her to grow up & hopefully she can keep on with her study.
The main things you would have to watch in that situation is not overriding her with the baby or not letting her get away with you doing all of the work.


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## Corpuswife

Unplanned but they will make it! 

She may be immature but that will change if you let her assume the responsibility. I think we all agree...parenthood changes everything!

It good that she has a responsible fiance. They will make it work.


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