# We're taking a break...



## guiltygirl

Well, my husband and I decided today that we are going to take a break. I'm going to stay elsewhere for a week and we're going to meet and talk. We're going to take it one week at a time. 

I've really been feeling the need for space, so I think this will be beneficial for both of us. My husband suggested this, though I have been considering it for some time. It was a difficult conversation to have....I couldn't stop crying. I hope this helps us. My husband is so supportive and has a positive attitude about our decision. The goal of this is to help us realize how much we really do love each other. I really don't deserve him. I'm going to use this week to reflect...journaling has been suggested. I bought a cute one recently. 

My husband said that he hasn't seen that look of love in my eyes for a long time. He's right...I just can't figure out why my feelings changed. I hope I do figure it out...otherwise, I will probably lose a great guy.

I've never been able to live up to his need for attention and sex. I really think this is our biggest issue, as I have said before. This is where I think therapy may be beneficial. I have deep-seeded fears and apprehension...though I have been known to let loose occasionally. It's in me somewhere...I just have to find it again.


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## draconis

***notice to the following: This is a joke and only a joke*****

"We were on a break!!!" Ross Gellar to Rachel on friends.

***The above was only a joke, If it were serious I would not have included these stupid disclaimers. ***

draconis


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## guiltygirl

Yeah, I thought of the same thing, only I see our situation as a little different. Everybody seems reluctant to respond to my post. What can anyone say, I guess? Thanks for making me laugh!


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## guiltygirl

Well, last night was my first night away from home. It was scary and weird. I don't really know how I feel, but I'm going to stick out at least until Friday. I don't expect it will solve our problems, but at least it will give us a chance to have a break from one another...and a break from fighting.


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## hitrockbottom

A break from fighting...can be a good thing. 

I took a break from my wife, 1 week out. When I came back instead of telling me she did soul searching she said that she was conditioning herself to be alone. Don't know that it helped either one of us.

Now we are in the same house and different rooms. I would much rather see her, or not. I hate the gray. So on your break here is my advice. 
Search with in your self. But don't, if you want to stay with your man, forget about him. Search for why you made it this long. Not why divorce would or wouldn't be good. Keep the happy memories going, thats what keeps me moving.


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## guiltygirl

Great advice...thanks!


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## md250r

I agree with hitrockbottom. The only way to be happy with someone elsr is to first be happy with yourself. I was driving home from work a few weeks after the (explitive deleted) hit the fan and said to myself "I am not the same person I used to be and I don't don't even like myself anymore, how could anyone want to be with me" It was at that moment that I decided to quit feeling bad and start making changes for myself. I even told my wife that I understand why she felt the way she did, but that these changes were not being made in a desparate attempt to win her back, but because I needed to change to be able to live with myself. For me that meant taking on more reponsibilties around the house as well as taking care of my body by eating better and losing weight. I do not know if any of my actions have made a difference to my wife or not, but they have amde a difference to me. I feel better about myself and even though it is very hard at times I keep reminding myself that I do not want to fall into the depression I was in before. It takes help like family, friends, or even internet forums, but if you want to make that change there will always be someone who will help, you may just have to look a little.


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## guiltygirl

md250r- You make many valid points.  The trouble with bipolar is that you can't always control the depression. I do many things to improve how I feel about myself, such as exercising, doing a good job at work, and watching how I eat. I am actually ok with who I am...MOST of the time. This past weekend, I was at an all-time low... feeling slightly suicidal. My husband was there to support me, but it was very difficult. This only happens to me sometimes. 

So, I agree there things a person can do to improve their life, and I hope there are things I can do to improve our marriage, such as to meet my husband's needs. I really try hard, but when I'm depressed, there just isn't any desire or motivation. It's true that I haven't always had a great self-esteem though. But, over the past few months, I've really been working to think more positively aout myself. I think counseling will also help with these issues.

I am glad that you decided to make the changes you made...and you did it for yourself. That is very commendable! I hope you contine on this path. 

I am so glad to have this forum. I don't have any friends to confide in really, but I have great siblings that I rely on frequently when I'm having trouble. Thanks for your input.


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## Honey

guiltygirl said:


> Well, my husband and I decided today that we are going to take a break. I'm going to stay elsewhere for a week and we're going to meet and talk. We're going to take it one week at a time.
> 
> I've really been feeling the need for space, so I think this will be beneficial for both of us. My husband suggested this, though I have been considering it for some time. It was a difficult conversation to have....I couldn't stop crying. I hope this helps us. My husband is so supportive and has a positive attitude about our decision. The goal of this is to help us realize how much we really do love each other. I really don't deserve him. I'm going to use this week to reflect...journaling has been suggested. I bought a cute one recently.
> 
> My husband said that he hasn't seen that look of love in my eyes for a long time. He's right...I just can't figure out why my feelings changed. I hope I do figure it out...otherwise, I will probably lose a great guy.
> 
> I've never been able to live up to his need for attention and sex. I really think this is our biggest issue, as I have said before. This is where I think therapy may be beneficial. I have deep-seeded fears and apprehension...though I have been known to let loose occasionally. It's in me somewhere...I just have to find it again.


My gosh, hun. Do you know how many girls would what a guy like that? If he doesn't watch sports, this will make him not be with you as much. Why not get him hooked on that? You will soon feel like you are room mates than lovers.


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## Lovelost

I am in a position similar to hitrockbottom. My marriage is falling apart, my wife informed me today that she doesn't see us together anymore. we've been fighting for over a month now, she sleeps in separate part of the house. We separated twice to just get away from each other and think which I did and decided I want to fix this, but my wife did the opposite and just gave up and said she has nothing left. I know I'm not perfect and am willing to change but I guess I'm looking for help in going the right direction. This is a start.


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## guiltygirl

Why does it always seem like the wife is the one who comes to this decision? Where is the love going wrong. All of you guys are similar to my husband in that it seems like you are doing everything you can to save your marriage. I just wonder if this might push women further away...perhaps they feel smothered. I don't know...it could be just the opposite. Women are so complicated. 

Does your wife suffer from depression or anything like that? What are the issues that have brought you both to this point? Your situation is like mine in a way. I too, have had difficulty seeing my husband and me together anymore. I have fantacized for months about getting a divorce. I don't know how I got to this point myself. My husband and I have had many issues for years, but we have never figured out how to make each other happy.

I have posted about my current situation...I'm living in a hotel for a week. Many have said this separation has either not helped or made things worse. I am still hopeful that it will help us somehow. But, we are both prepared for the worst at this point. One positive thing to note is that I'm not so sure I really want to divorce my husband. I really want to try and make things work. Next week, I may feel completely different, who knows?

There are many forum supporters who can offer you great advice. It has helped me a great deal. You should post a new thread and be specific about the issues going on in your marriage. You might just find the help you desire. Good luck!


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## Honey

Lovelost said:


> I am in a position similar to hitrockbottom. My marriage is falling apart, my wife informed me today that she doesn't see us together anymore. we've been fighting for over a month now, she sleeps in separate part of the house. We separated twice to just get away from each other and think which I did and decided I want to fix this, but my wife did the opposite and just gave up and said she has nothing left. I know I'm not perfect and am willing to change but I guess I'm looking for help in going the right direction. This is a start.


You can always have your wife join this forum too. Maybe we can help the both of you.


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## Honey

guiltygirl said:


> Why does it always seem like the wife is the one who comes to this decision? Where is the love going wrong. push women further away...perhaps they feel smothered. I don't know...it could be just the opposite. Women are so complicated.
> 
> Does your wife suffer from depression or anything like that? What are the issues that have brought you both to this point? Your situation is like mine in a way. I too, have had difficulty seeing my husband and me together anymore. I have fantacized for months about getting a divorce. I don't know how I got to this point myself. My husband and I have had many issues for years, but we have never figured out how to make each other happy.
> 
> I have posted about my current situation...I'm living in a hotel for a week. Many have said this separation has either not helped or made things worse. I am still hopeful that it will help us somehow. But, we are both prepared for the worst at this point. One positive thing to note is that I'm not so sure I really want to divorce my husband. I really want to try and make things work. Next week, I may feel completely different, who knows?
> 
> There are many forum supporters who can offer you great advice. It has helped me a great deal. You should post a new thread and be specific about the issues going on in your marriage. You might just find the help you desire. Good luck!


Why does it always seem like the wife is the one who comes to this decision? Because most of the time she is the one that has had to put up with a lot of $#!^. 

All of you guys are similar to my husband in that it seems like you are doing everything you can to save your marriage. 

They always want to save it after the fact, which most of the time, it's too late to do so.


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## Blanca

md250r said:


> I was driving home from work a few weeks after the (explitive deleted) hit the fan and said to myself "I am not the same person I used to be and I don't don't even like myself anymore, how could anyone want to be with me" It was at that moment that I decided to quit feeling bad and start making changes for myself.
> I needed to change to be able to live with myself.


:iagree:

This has also become my goal. During all his insidious behavior I did not even realize my behavior was sliding right along with his.


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## draconis

Marriage is a two way street that both partners need to care for and when the worst happens be willing to fix. Woman and men though they may function differently at times are the same in many respects. People in general are not mind reader.

Honey post #13 is sexist. 

draconis


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## guiltygirl

draconis said:


> Marriage is a two way street that both partners need to care for and when the worst happens be willing to fix. Woman and men though they may function differently at times are the same in many respects. People in general are not mind reader.
> 
> :iagree:


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## md250r

The pastor I have been talking with told me something last week that helped me a lot that applies to really every aspect of life. He sadi that emotion makes a great servant, but a terrible king. He wrote these four words TRUTH-FAITH(beliefs)-BEHAVIOR- FEELINGS. HE then went on to explain that this is the order in which we work. I.E. If we FEEL lost and lonely we will begin to act that way(BEHAVE), which will either make those around us feel the same way or make them want to avoid us. This leads us to BELIEVE or have FAITH that we are just lonely people and make everyone around us miserable. That then becomes the TRUTH to us and makes us FEEL as though we can't change. He said that these four thing always work in this order, but in order to change the way we FEEL we have to start with the TRUTH and work the other way. Start with the things you know to be true. Your husband loves you, You used to be happy and you can be happy again, Exercising make me feel better, I am an attractive person, ETC. fous on these thoughts and soon you will begin to have FAITH and BELIEVE these things. The next step can be harder but it works. Start BEHAVING as though you are confident(even if you are not) start acting like you feel better(even if you don't) I have been doing this for about a month and sometimes it is hard and you start slipping back, but when this starts to happen go back to the TRUTH and it will help you move forward. It gets easier every day. Soon you will start FEELING like a happier person and your energy level and outlook on life will improve drastically. This he explained to me to keep emotions and feeling from controlling your life. He explained that we have the power to control how we feel about situations instead of letting the situation control how we feel. God doesn't want us to be miserable and if we rely on Him and give Him the opportunity to work in our lives, He will not fail. HE CAN'T FAIL, HE'S GOD. This is the most important TRUTH to base your entire life on, and if you base your life on the TRUTH that God is not punishing us, but He wants us to be happy, everything else will fall into place aording to His perfect design. I read a book my mom got me about a month ago called THE SHACK by William P. Young and it really changed the way I understood God and helped me make peace with myself. It is a really engaging story that is fun to read also. I would suggest you give it a read. You can find it in any christian book store and they hav a site. All you have to do is google The Shack Book.


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## swedish

Sounds like the classic self-fulfilled prophecy but I really like that explanation on how to reverse it. Very cool. Thanks for sharing it.


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## hitrockbottom

There comes to a point When living in the same house starts to become more of a hassle then when you are away. Thus leaving "taking a break" the only option. 

For Example. As I said I left for a week. She gave up on me and didn't hold me on her mind. I came back only for the situation to worsen. I demanded my room back...worked for a week or two...she was still in the "DETACHED" mindset. 

There will be a point when you realize, what is me staying here doing? Where are we going to be in two months, if I keep on this track? And depending on that answer, do I want to change the outcome or not?

If not, and that outcome is divorce, but you still love the person...then you have to let go and see what happens. By letting go I mean...move out Tentatively(w/o a set deadline). Detach your self from the situation. But don't give up on the opportunities that may come along.

Further Explanation....If you leave your man, Why? Because something has to change. Period. Things can not remain how they were in previous times. Other wise the same outcome is inevitable. Then what is the point. But you HAVE to see the problem or the ROOT cause before you can fix it.

And That is what my wife and I are struggling with............DAMN did I write that?


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## guiltygirl

I loved your post hitrockbottom...so honest. I agree with you 100%. I am going to try to approach repairing our marriage with an open mind. If I have the same mindset as before, there is little hope that anything will change and we will end up splitting up. I realize this. I'm not giving up yet though. 

One thing is for sure, I do not want to continue on the same "track" as you said. Neither does my husband. We're taking it a week at a time. Of course, we're hoping for the best.

I am sad that you are going through such a difficult time. I empathize with you. I hope it's not too late for you...keep trying.


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## Blanca

md250r said:


> Start with the things you know to be true.


This is actually what I started doing years back when I was really lost in a whirlwind. It was ironically simple but profoundly helpful.


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## Honey

draconis said:


> Marriage is a two way street that both partners need to care for and when the worst happens be willing to fix. Woman and men though they may function differently at times are the same in many respects. People in general are not mind reader.
> 
> Honey post #13 is sexist.
> 
> draconis


It is? :scratchhead: Some girls I know would say it is right on the money. Sorry, if you took that to be sexist, draconis. I do say in some of my posts that most men not all men are that way, so I thought it wasn't being sexist at all. Please don't take offense, I am not talking about any of you guys on here.


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## draconis

Make no doubts that there hasn't been plenty of men on here sexist to, and I do the same to them. Not all men are a like and each is unique. I know many quality men out there and some of my friends I actually introduce to women as "scum" because I didn't want a female friend to hook up with a male friend and say I didn't warn her.

Many times when a person is labeled they have nothing to lose since they are being blamed and taking the fall out anyways. Since they are serving the punishment they may as well enjoy the crime. That is the mentality many have for those that label them. Each person on here is unique and most come here with issues already. But a better way to respond is my husband, or some x etc.

draconis


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## Nikita_

Do these break-ups help in anyways in building up a stronger relationship? 
"guiltygirl" , did this break help u in anyway. I am curious to know.


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## Complexities

I am also staying somewhere for a coupe of weeks. The problem is that we talk all the time, text etc...so Im not sure we are getting the full benefit of the time apart...
Are you talking during this time??


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## pidge70

This thread is 4yrs old.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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