# Pouring Salt On The Wound



## whattodo17 (Jan 12, 2010)

I'm not sure if it's because of someone else or what but all of a sudden the ex has been pushing and "wanting to get everything over with". It all seemed to start after I told him I was going on vacation last week then he started wanting to know when I was going to get another vehicle(because that is THE only thing he has helped me out with after he left me). Then he calls today and during our conversation about a bill flips out and starts cussing me calling me a stupid B and that he was so happy without me and when I told him he would regret how he is doing me he made it clear that he is so happy and he knows he won't regret it. By his actions maybe he's right. This just sucks and hurts like hell! I gave my heart to this man and he ripped it out....now hes dancing on it so he can pursue his happiness.


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## lastinline (Jul 21, 2009)

Sounds like you're in the "schizo" phase of breaking up whattodo17. I'd say give it a week or two, and he'll be speaking with you in more conciliatory tones. I'm not sure what that'll change though; as in another few days the wheel will spin again and it's bound to land on "heart stomping".

I know you feel "wronged", but you know what; if we we're to ask him he'd likely say he feels "wronged" as well. The sad truth is most likely you're both right. However, that being said one of you will likely be "more right" than the other.

So what are you're thoughts on this...80% him 20% you? What did he need from you that you didn't provide? In my case I neglected my wife. I was just never really there for her. I provided. I worked hard. I kept myself in excellent shape. I was a good father to our kids. I just never wanted to really do anything with her. 

I didn't really respect her. I did in the beginning of our relationship, but then I surpassed her in every aspect of life. At the end, we were such different people it makes my heart weep. 

I didn't listen when she "told me things", because her "feelings" weren't logical. They were inconsistent and poorly thought out. I felt attacked because she isn't a very articulate person, and often times she has difficulties in conveying things with subtlety. Well in retrospect I have learned they were still her feelings, and I ignored them at my peril.

Have you even thought about this whattodo17? If not, I honestly recommend that you do. It likely is the only thing that could possibly save your relationship, and it's definitely the thing that'll keep your next relationship from dying. Either way you win.

LIL


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## whattodo17 (Jan 12, 2010)

Excellent point LIL....Our demise definitely wasn't all his fault I do take blame for my contribution to his leaving.
From day 1 I was never the priority in his life. Instead of talking to him about it I let insecurity shine thru and became the nagging wife. I would accuse him of talking to other women and find ways to argue because it was the only attention I would get. While sure he was home alot, he wasn't "there" in our relationship. I would have to beg for attention from him and that made me feel like the dirt beneath his feet. 
I also was jealous, and again goes back to my insecurities from being cheated on in the past, which I never truly healed from. Thankfully I am in counseling and working thru what issues I have while he on the other hand believes he was a great husband.
Not to mention the daily cussings I would get from him when he didn't get his way. So instead of talking or letting things go I argued back....big mistake.
The nail in the coffin so to speak was his mom. His mom was always before me even though she treated him terribly and constantly made it clear he was her "adopted" son and would send him hateful emails telling him what a loser he was. When I got upset at her and defended him he flew off the handle and that was why he left. 
My issue is I always go for guys who are emotionally "unavailable" and try to change them. Even our marriage counselor told me in our last session that he probably doesn't know how to truly love someone and there is nothing I can do to change that if he doesn't want to change it himself.


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## josh1081 (Jul 10, 2009)

Wow LIL...that was like looking in a mirror for me. Every word of that sounded like me.
but in your case WTD...you guys both sound like you are in a delusional spot with the marriage. Trying to make it better then it was to justify the good in the person. It sounded as if you two just weren't good for each other. There seemed to be a strong desire to do alot of taking from both parties and not an equal amount of giving. You seem like you sound pretty happy working things out for you, which I say keep on with that and if you can make yourself happy then the rest of life will fall into place. Your husband sounded like me, emotionally selfish and very closed off to other peoples feelings. He isn't going to change until he's ready. So don't expect it or wait for it because that is something very hard to change. It's not easy to look into yourself, not like what you see, and do something positive about it, especially for a 'proud man'
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Carefulthoughts (Jan 21, 2010)

Well legally you and him both get half. Less you don't work but i know from past posts you work. You might have to take the vehicle and the loan with it. 

But as far as his response ; it seems like he is trying to pull the blinds over his eyes like everything is alright. Problem is during divorce it is never alright for anyone no matter how much they try to hide and cover it up. Do the things you have to keep your happy and sane. Find an activity to do. You have to worry about yourself right now. You said you see your contributions to the downfall; remember that the next go around if there is one. But for now go live! 

I must admit this website though informative is a bit depressing. Heck go out and buy some new jeans and enjoy the day.


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## cb45 (Oct 2, 2009)

dont know details....was there an orig post?

--------cb45


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