# Wife has lost appetite for sex and until recently has always wanted it all the time…



## Needinmore (11 mo ago)

We’ve been married 14 yrs and have a very close relationship. We’ve both been married several times previously and we both felt as if we met our soulmate when we met. Sex has always been great between us and something we both have always looked forward to. Years before we met I had major back surgery and have been taking pain medication daily for over 20 years. About six years after we were married I had another procedure on my back and the Dr changed my pain medicine to a higher dose which I continued taking for several years and during that period I lost my appetite for sex all together. We went from sex five times a week to only occasionally and sometimes months without sex. At the time I didn’t miss it because I had no desire for sex at all not even masterbation. I would occasionally pleasure my wife but not often and looking back years later I’ve always regretted not doing something about changing the medication sooner and not showing my wife the attention she was used to. I’ve been off medication now for about six months and while we have resumed having sex she doesn’t seem interested at all. I’ve tried everything I possibly could to make up for the time we period when we weren’t intimate. I tell her daily how beautiful and sexy she is and I always pleasure her first when we have sex, multiple time. She has lost all passion and desire for sex although she will usually give in to my pleading about twice a week. She doesn’t want intercourse though only oral along with her dildo so I always oblige, she has numerous intense orgasms and then pleases me orally. I’ve been asking her for months why she doesn’t want me anymore and the answer is always the same, “you neglected me for a year and I had to learn to suppress my desire for sex” she says she resigned herself to accept life without sex and now that I’ve been off the medication and sex appetite returned she says she can’t just turn it off and on and it’s gonna take time to get that feeling back.
why I have a hard time with that response is because she has always been practically addicted to sex. Prior to us being married she had Sex with a lot of men. She’s got dozens of photos taken in bars where she takes her top off showing her tits to everyone that wanted to look. Flashing her tits in public around men was a regular occurrence for her and in some photos her jeans were dropped as well right at the bar. Needless to say she was having a lot of sex with a lot of men. She’s told me that herself. So how does a woman go from being ultra promiscuous addicted to sex to saying it’s gonna take time for her to get that feeling back to where she will want intercourse again. She definitely has no problem with her big vibrating dildo with me going down on her as she screams continuously while having numerous orgasms. Now she does give me oral with no hesitation just no more than once or twice a week but no interest in intercourse! I find myself thinking she has to be having an affair but we’re so close and get along great I just can’t imagine her doing that. Something just isn’t right!!!
Any thoughts or suggestions??
OH, I almost forgot about what happened on her birthday last week. So since it was her birthday I decided I’d stop by her office and surprise her. Since I never go to her work, maybe once a year, I thought she may like getting a card in person. She’s the boss so she has a private office at the end of the hallway so I had to walk past the dozen girls who work for her. I put my finger to my lips as to say shush so I could surprise her when I walk in her office. Her door was open, lights off because she was watching a training video. Now when seated at her desk she faces the door but I realized she somehow hadn’t seen me yet so I walked past her desk and right up behind her, reached around her with both arms and grabbed both of her breast. Keep in mind, sitting at her desk, lights off watching a video, I grabbed her tits and she wasn’t even startled at all! She slowly after a second or two, slowly turned her head to look over her shoulder and then she was surprised. She said Oh my god, what are you doing here? I said “WHAT”??? Someone grabs your tits from behind and you weren’t in the least bit startled? Not even the least?
Then you slowly turn and see me and it’s then that you’re surprised? WTF??? I said WTF who did you think it was grabbing your tits? I’m the last person she would ever expect to see in her office so exactly who did she think grabbed her tits? She said Oh I thought it was one of my girls, meaning an employee. I said seriously, that’s the best you can come up with? There’s absolutely no way one of her employees would grab her tits. 
So I decided to put it out of my head and take her out to a nice dinner which I did. Like I always do, I asked her to please wear something sexy to dinner and like she always says, I’m not doing that. That’s all she used to wear. Everything she used to wear showed her tits and if that wasn’t sexy enough she’d just take it off all together. Anyway, when we got back home walking to the door I said hey sexy show me your tits. She said no it’s cold. It was in the 60’s. I said seriously what’s wrong not a public enough place or just no strange men around? When I said hey sexy show me your tits we were about to walk in the house and we live in the country, no neighbors but couldn’t be bothered to flip her top up for her husband but a bar full,of men and shirt, jeans it’s all coming off. I’m seriously thinking something isn’t right!!


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

Edit…. I’m not going to edit the below but you went back and changed your story after I had written the following….




Well you did ignore her for a long time in the way that she really likes. She probably has bucket loads of resentment. You didn’t mention any real red flags and she already directly told you she is unhappy about what you did. Unless you are leaving out some other information I believe you already have your answer.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Probably found a replacement in the meantime.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

a sexless marriage is really no marriage at all. You made her marriage sexless. Now she is just continuing it by keeping YOUR side of it sexless too.

So, if sex was not so important for you for years....is there some reason you did not give her a hall pass to go have some fun? Either she was a nun, and cloistered herself, or you drove her to another person's arms. 

I get it, you were on heavy drugs that killed your libido. you did not even think about sex. you never got horny, so you forgot that SHE was very horny. But even though you were not horny for her, you should have payed enough attention to her to notice she was chewing on the furniture looking for an orgasm! She is probably thinking "how could he not have noticed how horny i was? He must not love me anymore". After years of that....its dead now

i am not sure what to tell you now. once a woman has written you off, they seldom come back.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

You say you have both been married several times. Why did her marriages end?


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

Needinmore said:


> you neglected me for a year and I had to learn to suppress my desire for sex


“you neglected me for a year so I had to replace you. No intercourse for you as that would be cheating on him”

Fixed that for you.


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

Talker67 said:


> i am not sure what to tell you now. once a woman has written you off, they seldom come back.


I wish more men understood this instead of playing the "pick me" game


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

This thread illustrates how essential it is to always tend your garden to keep the plants you enjoy healthy and exclude the weeds. The OP shouldn't be surprised at all. He married a high octane woman and then thinks she will just stay in the garage while he doesn't ride her for months.


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

Rus47 said:


> This thread illustrates how essential it is to always tend your garden to keep the plants you enjoy healthy and exclude the weeds. The OP shouldn't be surprised at all. He married a high octane woman and then thinks she will just stay in the garage while he doesn't ride her for months.


And even if she didn't leave "the garage", he thinks she should just start right up with not backfires or sputtering at all.
That is totally unrealistic.


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

Needinmore said:


> We’ve been married 14 yrs and have a very close relationship. We’ve both been married several times previously and we both felt as if we met our soulmate when we met. Sex has always been great between us and something we both have always looked forward to. Years before we met I had major back surgery and have been taking pain medication daily for over 20 years. About six years after we were married I had another procedure on my back and the Dr changed my pain medicine to a higher dose which I continued taking for several years and during that period I lost my appetite for sex all together. We went from sex five times a week to only occasionally and sometimes months without sex. At the time I didn’t miss it because I had no desire for sex at all not even masterbation. I would occasionally pleasure my wife but not often and looking back years later I’ve always regretted not doing something about changing the medication sooner and not showing my wife the attention she was used to. I’ve been off medication now for about six months and while we have resumed having sex she doesn’t seem interested at all. I’ve tried everything I possibly could to make up for the time we period when we weren’t intimate. I tell her daily how beautiful and sexy she is and I always pleasure her first when we have sex, multiple time. She has lost all passion and desire for sex although she will usually give in to my pleading about twice a week. She doesn’t want intercourse though only oral along with her dildo so I always oblige, she has numerous intense orgasms and then pleases me orally. I’ve been asking her for months why she doesn’t want me anymore and the answer is always the same, “you neglected me for a year and I had to learn to suppress my desire for sex” she says she resigned herself to accept life without sex and now that I’ve been off the medication and sex appetite returned she says she can’t just turn it off and on and it’s gonna take time to get that feeling back.
> why I have a hard time with that response is because she has always been practically addicted to sex. Prior to us being married she had Sex with a lot of men. She’s got dozens of photos taken in bars where she takes her top off showing her tits to everyone that wanted to look. Flashing her tits in public around men was a regular occurrence for her and in some photos her jeans were dropped as well right at the bar. Needless to say she was having a lot of sex with a lot of men. She’s told me that herself. So how does a woman go from being ultra promiscuous addicted to sex to saying it’s gonna take time for her to get that feeling back to where she will want intercourse again. She definitely has no problem with her big vibrating dildo with me going down on her as she screams continuously while having numerous orgasms. Now she does give me oral with no hesitation just no more than once or twice a week but no interest in intercourse! I find myself thinking she has to be having an affair but we’re so close and get along great I just can’t imagine her doing that. Something just isn’t right!!!
> Any thoughts or suggestions??
> OH, I almost forgot about what happened on her birthday last week. So since it was her birthday I decided I’d stop by her office and surprise her. Since I never go to her work, maybe once a year, I thought she may like getting a card in person. She’s the boss so she has a private office at the end of the hallway so I had to walk past the dozen girls who work for her. I put my finger to my lips as to say shush so I could surprise her when I walk in her office. Her door was open, lights off because she was watching a training video. Now when seated at her desk she faces the door but I realized she somehow hadn’t seen me yet so I walked past her desk and right up behind her, reached around her with both arms and grabbed both of her breast. Keep in mind, sitting at her desk, lights off watching a video, I grabbed her tits and she wasn’t even startled at all! She slowly after a second or two, slowly turned her head to look over her shoulder and then she was surprised. She said Oh my god, what are you doing here? I said “WHAT”??? Someone grabs your tits from behind and you weren’t in the least bit startled? Not even the least?
> ...


You are actually very lucky you still have her at all. When my husband took sex away, I left him after 3 months of him not CARING about my needs. If she had come on here during your sexless phase, she would have been advised to leave YOU (especially by me), because you clearly didn't care about her at all for a very long time.

She is exactly right, those feelings don't just come back like flipping a switch. You damaged her TRUST in you...that may never come back, and rightly so. What will stop you from pulling the exact same thing when you stop wanting sex again? Why should she open her sexuality back up to you when you made it so clear that you only cared about yourself? 

YOU did this...what you are living with now is called CONSEQUENCES. She shut herself down to you because of the pain and rejection that you made her feel. Now that you've suddenly started to care again, you think you should get access to her full self, and that's just not how it works. You betrayed her. And now she doesn't trust you anymore. You will need to regain that trust, and you may never be able to.

But stop blaming her. You are getting a teeny-tiny taste of what you made her feel like for years. YOU did this.


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## thunderchad (12 mo ago)

It sounds like this marriage is done...she's checked out. I would be surprised if there wasn't another man...or woman.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Rus47 said:


> This thread illustrates how essential it is to always tend your garden to keep the plants you enjoy healthy and exclude the weeds. The OP shouldn't be surprised at all. He married a high octane woman and then thinks she will just stay in the garage while he doesn't ride her for months.


True, but if she has cheated why didn't she challenge him on his behavior? People are always saying here that there is never an excuse for cheating, that you should end the marriage rather than cheating.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

Rus47 said:


> This thread illustrates how essential it is to always tend your garden to keep the plants you enjoy healthy and exclude the weeds. The OP shouldn't be surprised at all. He married a high octane woman and then thinks she will just stay in the garage while he doesn't ride her for months.


kind of brings up the whole "high/low maintenance" choice in picking a mate.
its a choice, but after a while the high maintenance pick wears you down!

Jimmy Soul had a great song, back in the day..."if you want to be happy for the rest of your life...."


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

Diana7 said:


> True, but if she has cheated why didn't she challenge him on his behavior? People are always saying here that there is never an excuse for cheating, *that you should end the marriage rather than cheating.*


that IS what people here say.

but my observation is, people in the real world think exactly the opposite.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Talker67 said:


> that IS what people here say.
> 
> but my observation is, people in the real world think exactly the opposite.


Some do, but I am with those who see cheating as wrong, period. Sort out the marriage or end the marriage before sleeping with someone else.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

thunderchad said:


> It sounds like this marriage is done...she's checked out. I would be surprised if there wasn't another man...or woman.


well alright, what CAN the guy do.

I assume the OP still has some pain issues. So there will be limitations on what type of sex they can have?

you have to romance her all over again. Take her out on dates. Take her dancing, to her fav (expensive) clubs, to great restaurants, to Vegas, pull out all the stops. SHOW HER, don't tell her, that you love her and want her. Throw a few presents her way, maybe something she told you she wanted but you just blew her off on it in the past.

i am not saying to beg her, that would not work. but romancing her, like an alpha male would....take it as a challenge to make her a sexual conquest again....

That MIGHT work.

Just because she was a wild party girl years ago does not necessarily mean she is today a wild party girl. people change. but she remembers those times, so give her a good taste of it again, and she will probably tire of it quickly and come back to the stable marriage you used to have.

of course, this all assumes she does not have a side piece already lined up


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

The fact that she will have oral sex but not PIV sex could be telling. Could that mean she has another guy? Could she be telling him that she isn't having sex with you, as something to placate him?


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

I think your wife has already told you in black and white what some of the issues are - believe her on that. 

I agree with what the other posters have already said and will also add that age and length of marriage are probably playing a role here. 

I am guessing that you are at least upper 40s if not even 50s and you have been married for 14 years. It's fairly common for marital sex lives to cool down considerably after being together many years and with menopause and health issues and medications etc etc 

Your sex drive may taken a hiatus for awhile and has now come back where it left off, but her's hasn't. She was basically denied and neglected and frustrated for significant period of time. Her desire and sexual response for you withered on the vine. 

She said as well as anyone, she can't just flip a switch. 

If you both want to maintain a happy and healthy marriage and have a mutually satisfying sex life, you will likely need professional MC/sex therapy.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

Diana7 said:


> True, but if she has cheated why didn't she challenge him on his behavior? People are always saying here that there is never an excuse for cheating, that you should end the marriage rather than cheating.


Just read his description of her 'normal' behavior. Taking her clothes off at a bar, flashing random dudes, sex with multiple random men. Why would she need to challenge him about his behavior? He should have known that a racing filly wasn't going to stay in her stall and wait for the stallion to get with the program. 

I honestly don't understand why a man would take up with a woman like this, maybe they imagine they can tame the wild beast. But eventually health issues will intervene as they did in this case. 

We know of a couple with a story identical to this. The wife was* very* high libido, and the husband happily kept up for years until his back "went out". Before they married she was a party girl. The wife didn't become celebate just cuz hubby was having trouble. She got several FWB around town and wore out several vibrators in between, had no trouble finding men because she was and remains a "looker". Husband eventually got dementia, was moved to a nursing home, now she continues to make the rounds to her friends. She is in her early 70s.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

Talker67 said:


> Jimmy Soul had a great song, back in the day..."if you want to be happy for the rest of your life...."


My dear old combat marine Dad used to echo that song. Lot of truth to it.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Rus47 said:


> Just read his description of her 'normal' behavior. Taking her clothes off at a bar, flashing random dudes, sex with multiple random men. Why would she need to challenge him about his behavior? He should have known that a racing filly wasn't going to stay in her stall and wait for the stallion to get with the program.
> 
> I honestly don't understand why a man would take up with a woman like this, maybe they imagine they can tame the wild beast. But eventually health issues will intervene as they did in this case.
> 
> We know of a couple with a story identical to this. The wife was* very* high libido, and the husband happily kept up for years until his back "went out". Before they married she was a party girl. The wife didn't become celebate just cuz hubby was having trouble. She got several FWB around town and wore out several vibrators in between, had no trouble finding men because she was and remains a "looker". Husband eventually got dementia, was moved to a nursing home, now she continues to make the rounds to her friends. She is in her early 70s.


There were a lot of red flags with her previous behaviour but he married her anyway..

I asked about their previous marriages and why they ended. Op said they had both been married several times so was wondering if they was any cheating involved.


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## Mark1122 (11 mo ago)

Needinmore said:


> We’ve been married 14 yrs and have a very close relationship. We’ve both been married several times previously and we both felt as if we met our soulmate when we met. Sex has always been great between us and something we both have always looked forward to. Years before we met I had major back surgery and have been taking pain medication daily for over 20 years. About six years after we were married I had another procedure on my back and the Dr changed my pain medicine to a higher dose which I continued taking for several years and during that period I lost my appetite for sex all together. We went from sex five times a week to only occasionally and sometimes months without sex. At the time I didn’t miss it because I had no desire for sex at all not even masterbation. I would occasionally pleasure my wife but not often and looking back years later I’ve always regretted not doing something about changing the medication sooner and not showing my wife the attention she was used to. I’ve been off medication now for about six months and while we have resumed having sex she doesn’t seem interested at all. I’ve tried everything I possibly could to make up for the time we period when we weren’t intimate. I tell her daily how beautiful and sexy she is and I always pleasure her first when we have sex, multiple time. She has lost all passion and desire for sex although she will usually give in to my pleading about twice a week. She doesn’t want intercourse though only oral along with her dildo so I always oblige, she has numerous intense orgasms and then pleases me orally. I’ve been asking her for months why she doesn’t want me anymore and the answer is always the same, “you neglected me for a year and I had to learn to suppress my desire for sex” she says she resigned herself to accept life without sex and now that I’ve been off the medication and sex appetite returned she says she can’t just turn it off and on and it’s gonna take time to get that feeling back.
> why I have a hard time with that response is because she has always been practically addicted to sex. Prior to us being married she had Sex with a lot of men. She’s got dozens of photos taken in bars where she takes her top off showing her tits to everyone that wanted to look. Flashing her tits in public around men was a regular occurrence for her and in some photos her jeans were dropped as well right at the bar. Needless to say she was having a lot of sex with a lot of men. She’s told me that herself. So how does a woman go from being ultra promiscuous addicted to sex to saying it’s gonna take time for her to get that feeling back to where she will want intercourse again. She definitely has no problem with her big vibrating dildo with me going down on her as she screams continuously while having numerous orgasms. Now she does give me oral with no hesitation just no more than once or twice a week but no interest in intercourse! I find myself thinking she has to be having an affair but we’re so close and get along great I just can’t imagine her doing that. Something just isn’t right!!!
> Any thoughts or suggestions??
> OH, I almost forgot about what happened on her birthday last week. So since it was her birthday I decided I’d stop by her office and surprise her. Since I never go to her work, maybe once a year, I thought she may like getting a card in person. She’s the boss so she has a private office at the end of the hallway so I had to walk past the dozen girls who work for her. I put my finger to my lips as to say shush so I could surprise her when I walk in her office. Her door was open, lights off because she was watching a training video. Now when seated at her desk she faces the door but I realized she somehow hadn’t seen me yet so I walked past her desk and right up behind her, reached around her with both arms and grabbed both of her breast. Keep in mind, sitting at her desk, lights off watching a video, I grabbed her tits and she wasn’t even startled at all! She slowly after a second or two, slowly turned her head to look over her shoulder and then she was surprised. She said Oh my god, what are you doing here? I said “WHAT”??? Someone grabs your tits from behind and you weren’t in the least bit startled? Not even the least?
> ...


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## theloveofmylife (Jan 5, 2021)

Needinmore said:


> I’ve been asking her for months why she doesn’t want me anymore and the answer is always the same, “you neglected me for a year and I had to learn to suppress my desire for sex” she says she resigned herself to accept life without sex and now that I’ve been off the medication and sex appetite returned she says she can’t just turn it off and on and it’s gonna take time to get that feeling back.


What did you think would happen?

You were selfish. Even now, you seem to only be worried about yourself. Even your name here. It's all about you.

Then, you throw her past in her face when you don't get your way? 

Yeah, that's real attractive.


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

Diana7 said:


> The fact that she will have oral sex but not PIV sex could be telling. Could that mean she has another guy? Could she be telling him that she isn't having sex with you, as something to placate him?


That’s what I think is happening. By only giving her husband BJs, she can technically tell her OM, that “we’re in a sexless marriage“. 

Her boyfriend drops into her office so often that she’s comfortable with getting felt up by him at the office. I’m glad OP didn’t buy his wife’s story about her thinking it was one of the other women at the job. 

But let’s be real. It was insane of OP to think that he could stop meeting the needs of a highly sexual wife who’s been with multiple men and expect loyalty. This is a woman that doesn’t need a romantic build up of a relationship before she’s will give herself to another man. But in this case, she obviously has someone she wants to be loyal to, hence the no PIV. Since she’s high drive, giving a BJ to her husband, is no big deal. But her vag is only for her man.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

jsmart said:


> But let’s be real. It was insane of OP to think that he could stop meeting the needs of a highly sexual wife who’s been with multiple men and expect loyalty. This is a woman that doesn’t need a romantic build up of a relationship before she’s will give herself to another man. But in this case, she obviously has someone she wants to be loyal to, hence the no PIV. Since she’s high drive, giving a BJ to her husband, is no big deal. But her vag is only for her man.


It is probably deeper than that.
She probably begged him for sex, he ignored her, and she took that as tacit approval to go find a BF outside the marriage. She was doing the "don't ask, don't tell" part of the agreement she assumed she was given.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

She has lost it for you. Once you smothered out that in your relationship she was done. If you are going to strap on a woman like that you have to be one of those guys that is capable of her continued respect and can lay pipe to her like nobody’s business. Guys like that exist but they aren’t that common… just like her… not common. You have to put those two types together….. like lions instead of house cats.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Obviously cheating, obvious not giving you any to stay loyal to AP, and you made multiple mistakes that gave her an excuse in her mind to cheat.
The way you describe her f ing men and stripping at bars, I’m shocked you expected her to be faithful anyway.

nicing Her back won’t work.


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

Let me get this straight he cut off sex but that means she’s having an affair?

just because she can’t turn it back on overnight? Also sounds like they are age she might be going through or gone through menopause. She may not have a huge desire anymore.

sure she could be cheating but could be lots of things. And this is that old retrograde jealousy thing too. Oh she took her shirt off many years ago so now she doesn’t want poor me. How could she.

well there are many reasons she might not want to now. First maybe she has just matured. Maybe she isn’t as confident as she used to be. Maybe like many women whobehave this way she was actually just insecure and wanted the affirmation or felt that was her way of having men like her by being over specialized. Maybe when the sex quit she learned to accept the new normal and felt he didn’t just want her for sex. Who knows. I find it odd that the first thing jumped to is an affair


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Well Anastasia when he sneaks in and holds her breasts and she’s surprised at who it is, he’s have to be forrrest Gumo not to know without a doubt. And she’s giving him blow Jobs but not piv? That’s crazy.

usually a man gets piv but no blow jobs.
The only other explanation is she’s trying to prevent him from getting an std.
She’s taking a dildo but not him? What?

open your eyes


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

She still wants and enjoys sex.

Did you know it was the new meds or did you have to figure it out?

When did you realize it was the meds?

How long until you came off them after you knew?

Instead of being happy that you figured out what was causing your issue, she is pissed and holding it against you. Dripping with sarcasm “What a wonderful loving wife you have.”


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

@Anastasia6 if your husband came up behind you at work and groped your breast and saw that you didn’t flinch but then you got surprised when you saw his face , would he buy that you thought it was one of the other women in the office? Do you buy that story?

Also, I agree that she should not be expected to turn on the sex overnight after a year but it’s been months. How long will it take for a high sex drive woman to want to have PIV with her husband? Her past promiscuity only comes into play because of her propensity for quick hookups leads most here to doubt that she didn’t have sex for a year and settled for oral from her husband. Your past behavior is the best predictor of your future behavior.


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

jsmart said:


> @Anastasia6 if your husband came up behind you at work and groped your breast and saw that you didn’t flinch but then you got surprised when you saw his face , would he buy that you thought it was one of the other women in the office? Do you buy that story?
> 
> Also, I agree that she should not be expected to turn on the sex overnight after a year but it’s been months. *How long will it take for a high sex drive woman to want to have PIV with her husband? * Her past promiscuity only comes into play because of her propensity for quick hookups leads most here to doubt that she didn’t have sex for a year and settled for oral from her husband. Your past behavior is the best predictor of your future behavior.


Ask ME...maybe NEVER AGAIN.


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

jsmart said:


> Your past behavior is the best predictor of your future behavior.


I wanted to point this out that you wrote as the very reason why this man's newfound interest in sex cannot be trusted.
The second she opens herself back up to him, he could take it all away again at HIS whim.

He did it before, without caring...what is stopping him from doing it again?


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

jsmart said:


> @Anastasia6 if your husband came up behind you at work and groped your breast and saw that you didn’t flinch but then you got surprised when you saw his face , would he buy that you thought it was one of the other women in the office? Do you buy that story?
> 
> Also, I agree that she should not be expected to turn on the sex overnight after a year but it’s been months. How long will it take for a high sex drive woman to want to have PIV with her husband? Her past promiscuity only comes into play because of her propensity for quick hookups leads most here to doubt that she didn’t have sex for a year and settled for oral from her husband. Your past behavior is the best predictor of your future behavior.


I think the past showing her boobs and such explains why she didn’t react. Plus it’s naive to think she didn’t see him.


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

Anastasia6 said:


> I think the past showing her boobs and such explains why she didn’t react. Plus it’s naive to think she didn’t see him.


Darkened office, facing the door where a source of light is. So she saw a dark profile enter the office.

She saw a man-figure, or...ok... _someone_ who felt comfortable to walk right in.
She _expected_ the boob grab or at the very least it didn't surprise her.

But she was surprised it was hubby.

Seems pretty clear to me.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

It might have been Feel Your Coworkers Tits Day.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

Needinmore said:


> We’ve been married 14 yrs and have a very close relationship.





Needinmore said:


> About six years after we were married I had another procedure on my back and the Dr changed my pain medicine to a higher dose which I continued taking for several years and during that period I lost my appetite for sex all together.


Until I reread your opening post, I thought this was was a recent development. So six years after being married you stopped doing her because you lost YOUR appetite for sex? Sounds like you did a "bait and switch" on her. Had she done the same to you what would you have done? You allowed this to go on for 8 years? Did I misunderstand the timing? If not, she has been without for 8 years?!? And you think she ought to just pickup where you left off since YOU regained interest?



Needinmore said:


> I’m seriously thinking something isn’t right!!


For sure. I am surprised you are surprised. You marry a highly sexed woman and six years later just stop having sex with her. I am astounded that she does oral with you. I am astounded she didn't leave 8 years ago.



Mr.Married said:


> If you are going to strap on a woman like that you have to be one of those guys that is capable of her continued respect and can lay pipe to her like nobody’s business. *Guys like that exist but they aren’t that common*… just like her… not common. You have to put those two types together….


I think she found one of those guys. Maybe from the backlog from before she was married. No doubt any of her old BF would GLADLY take care of business.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

Needinmore said:


> She has lost all passion and desire for sex although she will usually give in to my pleading about twice a week. She doesn’t want intercourse though only oral along with her dildo so I always oblige, she has numerous intense orgasms and then pleases me orally. I’ve been asking her for months why she doesn’t want me anymore and the answer is always the same, “you neglected me for a year and I had to learn to suppress my desire for sex” she says she resigned herself to accept life without sex and now that I’ve been off the medication and sex appetite returned she says she can’t just turn it off and on and it’s gonna take time to get that feeling back.


She was neglected badly by you. She trained her body to orgasm with a dildo/vibrator because actual sex was unavailable. You, as a sex partner, are unreliable to her. So, oral and dildoes because that is how she can reach orgasm reliably without having to rely on you, who has proven unreliable.



Evinrude58 said:


> And she’s giving him blow Jobs but not piv? That’s crazy.
> 
> She’s taking a dildo but not him? What?


 This is the easiest question I have ever answered on TAM.

It's quick, easy, no muss, no fuss, and no bother. If she had PIV she'd be risking high physical arousal, him disappointing her as he has in the past, and having to cope with the physical frustration along with the mental and emotional upset that comes with rejection or failed sex. 

And the dildo is also a fairly easy answer. It's reliable and she has been using it so long that her body is more or less conditioned to respond to that stimulation. Reliable dildo > Unreliable husband.


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

MJJEAN said:


> It's reliable and she has been using it so long that her body is more or less conditioned to respond to that stimulation. Reliable dildo > Unreliable husband.


Entirely possible but less plausible given the high energy past.

"ultra promiscuous addicted to sex " according to OP's words. 
It doesn't seem likely that she would be able to go cold turkey with the human touch.

It also doesn't explain the surprise office visit. In fact, it makes the I-only-need-a-dildo theory less plausible. If no one EVER touched her like that, especially in that office setting AND she didn't know it was OP, then she should have jumped out of her skin and screamed bloody hell.

She's allowing the oral\dildo to get her off to BF memories and OP is helping.
She's giving oral to keep OP in line.
PIV is off limits due to fidelity to her new BF(s) plus some resentment.

OP knew who she was when he married her.
And then he cut her off.
WTH did he think would happen?
I'm saying that it did happen and now he's crying in disbelief.

Not a whole lot of empathy from me about it, however, infidelity is still wrong.
OP, grow up and then blow it up.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

MJJEAN said:


> She was neglected badly by you. She trained her body to orgasm with a dildo/vibrator because actual sex was unavailable. You, as a sex partner, are unreliable to her. So, oral and dildoes because that is how she can reach orgasm reliably without having to rely on you, who has proven unreliable.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Ok, that is logical. Can’t really argue that.
6 years sexless is all in him.


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

MJJEAN said:


> She was neglected badly by you. She trained her body to orgasm with a dildo/vibrator because actual sex was unavailable. You, as a sex partner, are unreliable to her. So, oral and dildoes because that is how she can reach orgasm reliably without having to rely on you, who has proven unreliable.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Absolutely BRILLIANT post...as always!!!


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

BeyondRepair007 said:


> Entirely possible but less plausible given the high energy past.


I am the same type of woman with a very similar past. 



BeyondRepair007 said:


> It also doesn't explain the surprise office visit. In fact, it makes the I-only-need-a-dildo theory less plausible. If no one EVER touched her like that, especially in that office setting AND she didn't know it was OP, then she should have jumped out of her skin and screamed bloody hell.


 Back when DH was OTR and sex happened when he was home, which was rare, I disconnected my body, for the most part. I just didn't feel it. And I was used to a lot of touch from kids, friends, pets, etc. At the time almost anyone could have come up from behind me and touched my body and I'd have reacted similarly. 1st: Awareness there is touch 2nd: See where touch is coming from 3rd: "Oh, it's just you. What are you doing here?"

Not to mention this isn't a woman that is going to respond the same way "most people" would. To her intimate touch isn't that intimate and random boob gropes aren't necessarily a cause for concern or alarm. Especially if she and her friends play around that way. 

Is she cheating? Could be. But being a similar type female I wouldn't necessarily say she's cheating. Lord knows I got accused of screwing around a few times when jack shyte was going on because I'm not typical in behavior or response.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

Mr.Married said:


> It might have been Feel Your Coworkers Tits Day.


woo hoo!


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Well she still tries and gives him bj’s. So clearly there’s something still there. Honestly, after 6 years of no duck, I’d be looking for a quacker if I was her too


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

MJJEAN said:


> I am the same type of woman with a very similar past.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Ok fair enough. This makes sense to me, especially by someone with firsthand experience.
Im not sold on it yet, but it definitely could be a possibility.

I‘m probably projecting somewhat, my 1st was, well…I learned my lesson early in life.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

Evinrude58 said:


> Well she still tries and gives him bj’s. So clearly there’s something still there. Honestly, after 6 years of no duck, I’d be looking for a quacker if I was her too


It's 8 years. He lost interest 6 years into a 14 year marriage. Not that it makes much difference, anything longer than a month might as well be forever


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

@Needinmore: Any update?


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

Oh, wait, he cut her off for 8 years? I thought it was one year. Damn, I’m surprised she stayed with him this long. I really doubt a high drive wife with a promiscuous past is going 8 years with any D.


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## Bigjohnbravo (11 mo ago)

Needinmore said:


> We’ve been married 14 yrs and have a very close relationship. We’ve both been married several times previously and we both felt as if we met our soulmate when we met. Sex has always been great between us and something we both have always looked forward to. Years before we met I had major back surgery and have been taking pain medication daily for over 20 years. About six years after we were married I had another procedure on my back and the Dr changed my pain medicine to a higher dose which I continued taking for several years and during that period I lost my appetite for sex all together. We went from sex five times a week to only occasionally and sometimes months without sex. At the time I didn’t miss it because I had no desire for sex at all not even masterbation. I would occasionally pleasure my wife but not often and looking back years later I’ve always regretted not doing something about changing the medication sooner and not showing my wife the attention she was used to. I’ve been off medication now for about six months and while we have resumed having sex she doesn’t seem interested at all. I’ve tried everything I possibly could to make up for the time we period when we weren’t intimate. I tell her daily how beautiful and sexy she is and I always pleasure her first when we have sex, multiple time. She has lost all passion and desire for sex although she will usually give in to my pleading about twice a week. She doesn’t want intercourse though only oral along with her dildo so I always oblige, she has numerous intense orgasms and then pleases me orally. I’ve been asking her for months why she doesn’t want me anymore and the answer is always the same, “you neglected me for a year and I had to learn to suppress my desire for sex” she says she resigned herself to accept life without sex and now that I’ve been off the medication and sex appetite returned she says she can’t just turn it off and on and it’s gonna take time to get that feeling back.
> why I have a hard time with that response is because she has always been practically addicted to sex. Prior to us being married she had Sex with a lot of men. She’s got dozens of photos taken in bars where she takes her top off showing her tits to everyone that wanted to look. Flashing her tits in public around men was a regular occurrence for her and in some photos her jeans were dropped as well right at the bar. Needless to say she was having a lot of sex with a lot of men. She’s told me that herself. So how does a woman go from being ultra promiscuous addicted to sex to saying it’s gonna take time for her to get that feeling back to where she will want intercourse again. She definitely has no problem with her big vibrating dildo with me going down on her as she screams continuously while having numerous orgasms. Now she does give me oral with no hesitation just no more than once or twice a week but no interest in intercourse! I find myself thinking she has to be having an affair but we’re so close and get along great I just can’t imagine her doing that. Something just isn’t right!!!
> Any thoughts or suggestions??
> OH, I almost forgot about what happened on her birthday last week. So since it was her birthday I decided I’d stop by her office and surprise her. Since I never go to her work, maybe once a year, I thought she may like getting a card in person. She’s the boss so she has a private office at the end of the hallway so I had to walk past the dozen girls who work for her. I put my finger to my lips as to say shush so I could surprise her when I walk in her office. Her door was open, lights off because she was watching a training video. Now when seated at her desk she faces the door but I realized she somehow hadn’t seen me yet so I walked past her desk and right up behind her, reached around her with both arms and grabbed both of her breast. Keep in mind, sitting at her desk, lights off watching a video, I grabbed her tits and she wasn’t even startled at all! She slowly after a second or two, slowly turned her head to look over her shoulder and then she was surprised. She said Oh my god, what are you doing here? I said “WHAT”??? Someone grabs your tits from behind and you weren’t in the least bit startled? Not even the least?
> ...


Time to get another wife.lol
Or a side girlfriend.
But of let her know of course.


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