# Husband hasn't held a regular job since 2008



## Barbergirl (Jul 9, 2016)

My husband and I have been together for 11 years, married 5. When we met he worked and I was working and going to college. He was laid off in 2008 and decided to go back to college as well. We both received our bachelor degrees in 2012. Since then I have opened my own business and he started a business of his own. My business has proved successful while his has not been so much. He has allowed me to take core of him financially for the last 5 years. I have overlooked this till last winter. While we were on vacation during Valentine's Day he did not get me anything or even say Happy Valentines Day. I asked him the next day why and he said "well, we are on vacation, it's that enough?" So, for the last 4 years or so I've been paying for any home repairs, vacations, clothing, dinners, and Christmas gifts for his mother and sister. I would tell him that we are not buying gifts for each other because I knew he had no money to buy gifts. Since the Valentine incident I have become very resentful and angry with him as well as my self for allowing me to " take care of hm" I did tell him how I felt a couple f weeks after our trip and things really haven't changed much except I now think I've had enough and am thinking of divorce. Any advice?


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## flyhigher (Jun 23, 2016)

I also think it's important that you are very clear with him about your expectations.
5 years is a long time for someone not to work; do you have children? Is he taking care of the home? Is he pulling his weight around the house? Or just mooching off you and letting you do everything?
If you've been seemly okay with him not working, it's unfair for you to be upset without telling/asking him to get back to work.
If you need support financially, you need to ask for the help; he can't read your mind.
If he doesn't help.. or doesn't start looking for work, or doesn't start contributing, that's when you can get realistic about divorce or separation.
If he does nothing productive all day, I think it's totally fair that you expect him to work, or volunteer, or SOMETHING.. even if money isn't an issue. There's nothing less attractive to me than an unmotivated, lazy person.
The Valentines Day incident is just him being lazy.. you need to make it clear that its no okay. 
Set your boundaries firmly and see how he reacts. You may be surprised. You may not. Your decision will be that much more clear either way.
Good luck!


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

I would do three things. 

First I would tell him that I will no longer be supporting him. I will pay for what the kids need but not for him. And if he wants anything, he'll have to figure out how to pay for it. I would also tell him that I give no promises for how long I'll be willing to remain with a man who won't work.

Second I would start separating my funds legally and financially so that he can no longer touch my money. 

Third I would start a savings account and start putting money in there so that if I decided to leave him, I'd have a nest egg.


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## NotEasy (Apr 19, 2015)

What does he do all day? work in his business, clean the house, volunteer charity work, look for a job, study, or sit around, sleep
If he is still running his business then he does have a job, not well paying, but a job. 

Is the real problem his lazyness? or lack of money generally? or your unwillingness to share your money?

I heard that half of all new businesses never make any profit, typically the first 2 years are spent getting started. And half of the profitable ones never make enough to pay decent wages or grow. Ideally his business is about to finally come good. Alternately his is going broke, but at least he tried. Do you know the details of his business accounts? Is the business stagnant, with no income? Is it slow starting up?

Might it be better for him to work for your business? Or combine the two businesses? Or you sub-contract work out to his business. Depends on the skills, businesses etc of course.

If you do divorce you may end up supporting him. See a lawyer about this.

Let him know you are considering divorce, assuming the first time you just said you were not happy.


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## Lostme (Nov 14, 2014)

My ex was lazy and wouldn't keep a job while I in turn worked my butt off and did all the house chores. Boy it sure is a lot better having a partner that works as hard as I do, and helps out around the house sometimes. Life was to stressful before.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

flyhigher said:


> I also think it's important that you are very clear with him about your expectations.
> 5 years is a long time for someone not to work; do you have children? Is he taking care of the home? Is he pulling his weight around the house? Or just mooching off you and letting you do everything?
> If you've been seemly okay with him not working, it's unfair for you to be upset without telling/asking him to get back to work.
> If you need support financially, you need to ask for the help; he can't read your mind.
> ...


What kind of any self respecting man does this? TBH he sounds like he is good for nothing. She financially does everything, the least he could do is appreciate her. I think he needs a 2x4, really quick too.


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## anonmd (Oct 23, 2014)

aine said:


> What kind of any self respecting man does this? TBH he sounds like he is good for nothing. She financially does everything, the least he could do is appreciate her. I think he needs a 2x4, really quick too.


I agree with this sentiment. 

OTOH, a lawyer should be consulted. There may be spousal support owed on divorce. Switch all the "my husbands" in the story to "my wife" and see how you all feel about it. I'm just say'in <g>.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

What did you decide to do?


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