# mid-life??



## Heartbroken (Apr 12, 2008)

Can amyone tell me when mid-life starts? And what signs to look for. And What can a wife do to help her husband trough??

My husband is 37, I am 36 and we have one 7 yr. old daughter. Six months ago my husband had been really down and depressed. I knew something was wrong but he told me it was just stress at work. Well one night he purged everything. He told me that he had a one night stand with a woman from his work the year that we were engaged to be married. (We have been married for 14 + years now). He also told me that he was having confused feelings about a co-worker that he works with presently. He confided in her things that he had never told me before, until our open conversation. He told me that they would go to lunch together and talk, listen to music. He told me that he had bought her on two separate occasions, a music cd. of the music that they had been listening to. He told me that he was so depressed and unhappy about his life. He felt suicical. He thought I would want to leave him for all this. Suprisingly, to myself also, I did not leave. I was just shocked and tried to make him feel better. It made me sad that he wanted to end his life...
Well, fast forward to now, six months later, and he is going into a slump again about not being happy. I ask him "Is it me"? Is it work? What can I do? He tells me nothing. I ask What's wrong? He tells me "I don't know". I'm scared that he is maybe having an affair. or that he is not in love with me anymore. How can I be sure? I ask him point blank, "Do you still love me?" He says he does. What can I do? 

Any one out there been through this before?


----------



## sweetp101 (Mar 13, 2008)

Sorry to hear thing are going bad in your relationship? Have you considered counseling?


----------



## Immortalone (Mar 5, 2008)

If he is in a mid life crisis then the chances are her realy dosn't know exactly what is wrong with himself. He needs to see his doctor and perhaps get some light depression meds. He should see a counceler so he can talk things out. You both should see one together so you can learn how to talk and listen more openly with each other. Wish you the best of luck.


----------



## GAsoccerman (Mar 24, 2008)

I am with Immortalone, I think he is going through some Depression bouts, I have done this as well a few days I am in the Dumper, I want to Run away from my life and go be a single bar tender on a tropical Island....has nothing to do with my wife, or my wonderful kids, it's me.

You see I am 38, wife 37, 3 great kids.

I miss my youth, my wild days of the 20's the Partying, the good times with friends.

Now I work, take care of my family, go to bed... "this is my life?" for the REST of MY LIFE?? It's a tough though on the "wild young man" that lives with in our souls as men. I want to Be "crazy" have fun, etc.

But I know if a wait a few days I am out of my funk, I call it my male period. LOL usually ahppens right after my wife finishes her Period...almost all the time. I just think it is a hormonal thing. But I have realized it and come to terms with it, so I don't need meds. I just wait it out, so does my wife.

So what can you do to help this out?? 

A. if your Hubby ahs a good group of guys friends that he can hang out with, Suggest they do a Boys weekend or a boys night out, Whoop it up and have a wild time. I know guys that do this, they plan "get away Weekends" same for some female friends, A little RR time. It's healthy.

B. if you are like me and my wife, where we LIKE to be together for our wild times, Plan on a date night, Not just dinner and a movie, Something a little wilder and more exciting. Buy a Sexy dress, make yourself up, Go dancing or some wild event with him, something you would not normally do. 

C. do something a little extra special for your hubby when you are both home alone, Clean the house ina french maid costume, or something, be a little naughty with him...a little wild.

One time me and my wife went to Dinner, She suggested we go to a strip club, I was udderly shocked, but took her, because she wanted to know what they were like, so we went, she watched went on, no big deal....We got Home, She decided she was going to do a little strip routine for me and a give e a "special" lap dance.....You know it being my wife was 1000% hotter then a stripper could ever do, plus I could touch! 

So as men we have these periods of time where we feel our youth slipping away, we are getting older and we have to come to terms with it. I think this is your hubby, see what you can do to spice things up a bit, search the internet in your area for some fun wild things for you to do.


----------



## Cindy (May 10, 2008)

I agree with GAsoccerman! Snap him out of it with some whips and chains, lol! Leave your daughter with grandma for a dirty weekend and when you get back, he won't be paying attention to any of those "ladies" at work. Ring his bell!


----------



## happilymarried67 (May 7, 2008)

I agree with the above. I understand depression has a devastating effect on a marriage, been there done that. But I did not seek help from another guy. I went to my hubby first. I would seek some counceling for you both. The one thing I worry about is that he used the poor me when he broke out in "I had sex with a woman when we were engaged" and now "I am telling you these other things to make you feel bad for me but I shared all this information with a co-worker instead of you". I'd be careful, myself ,about why he needs to talk to someone else if you have been married so long. 
I see everyone's point about mid-life, not partying reality is setting in, but it doesn't give him the right to do lunch with another female. You guys need to open up lines of communication.


----------

