# Did your views of your wife change after kids?



## NewBegining (Jul 2, 2011)

Hi,

Just wanting to get a male perspective on this. My husband says that after we had kids, he no longer views me as a "sexual being". It is rough because we no longer have sex! He describes it as a psychological "wall" and he can't see me as anything but a mom and his best friend. It's not a weight issue, although i will say that in the past it was. Now I am smaller than when my first child was born. If this situation affected you... and you overcame it, I would love to hear from you! What kinds of things did you do to start to see your wife as more than a mom?


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## Riverside MFT (Oct 5, 2009)

I think it is about still doing the things you did before having a child, except now you have to be more creative. You still should go out on dates, you still should make love, you still should talk. Having kids can be difficult on a man as he is longer the sole recipient of his wife's affection. After children, a wife needs to make sure that she does not completely neglect her husband in order to take care of the kids.


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## frustr8dhubby (Dec 23, 2010)

I have heard this crap from husbands before and I don't buy it. My wife is as sexy to me as she was when I met her. In some ways I find her more attractive because she is the mother of my children. Now, I wish I could say the same for her. Since having kids she is the one who now seems to think sex is somehow dirty because we have kids.. :-(


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Hubs,

Call her on that B.S.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Conrad said:


> Hubs,
> 
> Call her on that B.S.


:iagree:


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

I think this is called the "Madonna Syndrome" -you can google this here http://www.google.com/#sclient=psy&..._gc.r_pw.&fp=18006656ae9954f0&biw=784&bih=460

Never affected my husband at all. I wanted the most sex when I was pregnant- very very horny , I think this is why he didn't care how many kids I wanted. ha ha . Also I couldn't wait till after the births to have sex, never listening to the Docs advice to wait so many weeks. It was always cut short. He was happy about that too. 

I never met anyone who had this complex, you don't see it too much discussed on the forums either.


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## uphillbattle (Aug 17, 2011)

frustr8dhubby said:


> I have heard this crap from husbands before and I don't buy it. My wife is as sexy to me as she was when I met her. In some ways I find her more attractive because she is the mother of my children. Now, I wish I could say the same for her. Since having kids she is the one who now seems to think sex is somehow dirty because we have kids.. :-(


I couldn't have said it any better.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

SimplyAmorous said:


> I think this is called the "Madonna Syndrome" -you can google this here Google
> 
> Never affected my husband at all. I wanted the most sex when I was pregnant- very very horny , I think this is why he didn't care how many kids I wanted. ha ha . Also I couldn't wait till after the births to have sex, never listening to the Docs advice to wait so many weeks. It was always cut short. He was happy about that too.
> 
> I never met anyone who had this complex, you don't see it too much discussed on the forums either.


I was the same way. I think we waited 10 days after birth (I had not torn and was ok). lol. Pregnant sex is awesome. Sex after birth is even better.


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

I'm thinking that the both of you need to work on that essential transition time from mom/dad to wife/husband.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Wife's views changed after kids.


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## GTdad (Aug 15, 2011)

We have alot of kids, and that fact never effected my desire for my wife at all. As a matter of fact, 25 years into the marriage my wife complained that I only viewed her as a sex object, a fitness test I failed miserably. Now, almost three years later, I have a tough time viewing her as a sex object, but it has nothing to do with motherhood.


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## Duke (May 15, 2011)

Deejo said:


> Wife's views changed after kids.


That happened to me too. We have four, and she really focuses on raising them right. Unfortunately I'm not getting the attention that I used to. She was sexy to me before, VERY sexy pregnant, and still sexy to this day. Takes very good care of herself.


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