# why not file



## sadwithouthim (Dec 8, 2011)

The 30th will be 1 year since he left. There is no ow. He has not told friends about our split and still wears his ring. He says and does conflicting things. He provides 100% for me and our son. He still does caring things for me. He tells me he's not coming back though. He also seems distant despite doing caring things. Why would he just not file for divorce if he says he's not coming back? Does he still care? Is he still not sure? Are there reasons I'm missing why he won't file?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## desert-rose (Aug 16, 2011)

He won't talk to you about this? I think you should decide whether to let go or move forward, but that uncertainty sounds horrible. Limbo is really not fun and a year of it is a long time. What do you want? Don't just rely on him. Think about your wishes, too, and try to move in one direction or another...


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## madaboutlove (Aug 28, 2011)

I found it very difficult to wait for him to act on the divorce after he was the one who asked for it, I was afraid if I did, it would look like I wanted it, but night after night he wanted to sleep next to me (just sleep, by the way) and act like there was nothing wrong. I did it for 4 months, acted the perfect wife, asked questions but not too often and only if he agreed. He did agree to MC but once we got there it was only about what was wrong with me and not about reconciliation. I finally couldn't take it anymore and told him to leave. He found a place and didn't go until I kicked him out. He didn't file for months, until I said he had to. It is very confusing, I imagine also hard for the person who wants out. There are things they don't want in the marriage anymore, but there are parts that are good and it is scary to change everything in your life. I am trying to learn that I don't want to be married to someone who doesn't want me. If you tell him to go and he does, its cause he wants to, not because of you. Get out of limbo and get started on your new life. I won't say it is easy, fall back all the time, but at least I have started now.


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## desert-rose (Aug 16, 2011)

madaboutlove said:


> There are things they don't want in the marriage anymore, but there are parts that are good and it is scary to change everything in your life. I am trying to learn that I don't want to be married to someone who doesn't want me. *If you tell him to go and he does, its cause he wants to,* not because of you.


:iagree:

Very well said. Trying to learn these things myself. If a person really wants something, he or she will fight for it. Indifference or fence-sitting or ambivalence means that the person doesn't care that much.


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## madaboutlove (Aug 28, 2011)

I don't doubt that my husband loves me, doesn't want anything bad to happen to me, would be sad if I were physically injured etc. but that is not the kind of love I was promised 28 years ago. He is the one who gave up, stopped trying, stopped acting like a husband, stopped giving of himself and just asked for what he wanted and I let him. What he is doing is not my concern any more, he told me it couldn't be when he told me he wanted a divorce. I have spent 29 years trying


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