# She's still holding back, R can't begin yet, right?



## ashamedfool (Jan 19, 2015)

I know for a fact (with proof) that there are things that she is holding back from me. I don't believe that true R begins until this step is taken, full 100% disclosure. 

I am not asking for gory sex descriptions of mental images I don't WANT to have. I am asking for how many times they met, where, etc.

I am sure that someone has written something beautiful that explains this first step of the process but my searching has come up fruitless. If someone can please point me there or do some explaining of what full disclosure typically means in this situation or give me their personal insights, I would appreciate it.

Thanks for the responses in advance and patience with my poor searching skills if it's already out there...


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## cdbaker (Nov 5, 2010)

100% full disclosure means that she will answer absolutely any question you ask with 100% honesty, including not "lying by omission." For instance, I've seen it on TAM before where the BS asks to cheating spouse how many men she had slept with, and she provided a number. Later on he found out that she'd actually had sex with several more and when confronted, she said, "You didn't ask how many I had sex with, you asked how many I 'slept' with!" That's certainly not full disclosure either.

What kind of things do you believe she is lying about, or what kinds of information do you still want but she isn't providing?

In any case, no, a genuine reconciliation can't really begin until you are reasonably satisfied that she has fully disclosed everything that is important for you to know and that to the best of your knowledge, she is not hiding anything else, being defensive about it, blame shifting, etc. Otherwise you'll be constantly in doubt as to whether she is really committed or not, or recognizes/accepted responsibility.


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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

You'll find what you need here and more. Good luck.

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/32002-welcome-tam-cwi-newbies-please-read.html


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

ashamedfool said:


> I know for a fact (with proof) that there are things that she is holding back from me. I don't believe that true R begins until this step is taken, full 100% disclosure.
> 
> I am not asking for gory sex descriptions of mental images I don't WANT to have. I am asking for how many times they met, where, etc.
> 
> ...


Buy this and read it w/ your wife...

How to Help Your Spouse Heal From Your Affair: A Compact Manual for the Unfaithful: Linda J. MacDonald: 9781450553322: Amazon.com: Books


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## G.J. (Nov 4, 2014)

If you need any input on keeping tabs on your wife or anything your not sure how to handle while in R just start a post in here and you will get all the help you can handle


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

Yes, Full Disclosure is a must. If she's truly remorseful, she would give you that without you having to drag it out of her because she would do anything to save the marriage. If there's still TT, then R cannot be on the table.


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## ashamedfool (Jan 19, 2015)

GusPolinski said:


> Buy this and read it w/ your wife...
> 
> How to Help Your Spouse Heal From Your Affair: A Compact Manual for the Unfaithful: Linda J. MacDonald: 9781450553322: Amazon.com: Books


:iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree:

I actually did buy that from Amazon and let me tell you, it has been the best self help book I've ever read. Everything clicked. Everything was descriptive but concise.

I can't recommend it enough. 

Thank you so much for your recommendation.


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