# We are like strangers



## confused2301 (Jan 11, 2012)

Hi, I have been posting from time to time and have been glued to this site. Long story short, my husband struggled for months to leave me, went back and forth from leaving to wanting to work it out to officially taking a stance on leaving and moving on. He is adamant, and we have plans to talk in a month about division of assets and a separation agreement at my request for some space and time to come to terms with everything. It has been 2 months of us living apart, me in our home, him at a friends. No kids but a dog. He has said several times there is no OW but I'm not 100% convinced.

At first our contact via email was somewhat hostile and angry, with me being very upset and hurt and him wanting to push forward with moving on, selling the house, get lawyers, etc. Since then things have settled down and we only communicate about the dog and nothing more. When he comes by to drop off the dog it is like we are strangers. Minimal small talk and no emotion.

I am trying to accept his decision to move on but at the same time want nothing more than to reconcile. I am not groveling or begging, not contacting him, etc. My question is how can he show zero emotion? And because of this is there any hope that he may have a change of heart after some more time or am I in serious denial? Do spouses emotionally detach in the beginning and eventually come around? Any ideas on how to proceed? The growing distance between us is killing me and my hope for reconciling is diminishing daily..its very upsetting.


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## canguy66 (Dec 18, 2011)

I am very sorry about what you're going through. I am not sure why this disconnect happens. It's a common problem for many of us in this TAM forum and very much a mystery in most cases.

My guess would be your husband has disconnected from the marriage over time. From his perspective, he has distanced himself emotionally, which explains why he seems cold. At least this is what appears to have happened in my case.

Have you and your husband seen a MC? What about an IC?


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## UpnDown (May 4, 2012)

Welcome to the club .. my stbxw had a 'talk' with me in late Feb about how unhappy she was and how we needed to really work on things or she was leaving. A week later she was gone, 4 days after that she begged to come back and then after 3 weeks of her sitting around the house refusing to work on anything and just wanting 'time' to do whatever she did (go out late, play video games) etc I finally lost it, flipped and booted her out.

For the next month I did everything wrong, begged, pleaded, accused etc etc. Then a month after that I went dark, in that time she noticed my reduced contact, texting etc and commented on it a few times.

After I cooled down I asked her about 3-4 weeks ago if she would consider reconciling and she told me 'no, we aren't any good for each other'.

We had a sit down talk last week about the kids and the rotation we are trying to pan out .. I kept my composure, did a pretty good job at showing that I was moving on and stood my ground. She seemed pretty shocked at how I handled myself (or at least I'd like to think so).

Still waiting for her to get back to me, she had the kids all last week and this weekend (dropping them off in a hour) so I will assume that she will take the time without the kids to gather her eggs and put them in the basket.

When we talked she had nothing but her purse, I had government law goods, guidelines, a lot of information from 2 seminars I went to etc. I came prepared .. I suggest you do the same.

As much as it sucks, read up on everything you need to when it comes to your rights etc. It doesn't mean you have to go for the throat, but protect yourself.

It's been 3 months for me (1mo together / 2mo separated) and this weekend has been a real downer, but it happens. Probably will continue to happen for a while. I do have good days though and that's what I'm hoping will come back soon.

Good luck.


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## confused2301 (Jan 11, 2012)

I am scheduled for IC. Husband did not want to go to counselling. Ironically before he left he agreed to IC before doing couple counselling but then bailed on marriage before attending either.

M y husband also seems angry. He chose to move out (although that actually helps me I suppose). We have minimal contact. He thinks that when we talk we won't agree on the split and that he should have and would have involved lawyers. Is it wrong for me to make him wait 3 months before talking about the logistics? I am trying to buy a reasonable amount of time should he have a change of heart and actually want to work it out and I'm also no where near as emotionally disconnected from him. He is contributing to the mortgage and because he wants to move out to his old place will probably end up paying that mortgage too. There will be some financial strain for both of us. Also his old place, no dogs allowed so the dog will be with me. 

How soon after the bomb drop did spouses talk about serious matters? Keeping in mind my husbands emotionally disconnect, we have no kids (although we share looking after the dog like its a child haha), and MY emotional state...I have good days and bad and very bad days.


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## UpnDown (May 4, 2012)

Mine wanted to talk about a month after she left but I wasn't ready and kind of ignored it. When we talked last week she asked me why I didn't want to do it when SHE asked and told her flat out I wasn't ready.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## our vision shattered (May 25, 2012)

My wife is completely emotionally disconnected to me, on purpose.separated 6 weeks, first three weeks we were talking almost every night, made love at work & went away for mothers day weekend.had amazing time,hand in hand,truely happy three days.when we got back I drooped her off & ham she broke all contact what's so ever. A week later she came into the office & told me she wants a divorce. Ive been begging ever since & only have bad days. I'm trying to stop begging her because I know that only pushes her away. I think minimum of 6 months before that talk because of the roller coaster of emotions that both go through


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