# Men, are you a chick magnet?



## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

Men, are any of you a chick magnet? I mean, do any of you just seem to have women "throwing" themselves at you for no apparent reason? Do you have some sort of charm that just draws them in?


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## mr.miketastic (Aug 5, 2010)

AppleDucklings said:


> Men, are any of you a chick magnet? I mean, do any of you just seem to have women "throwing" themselves at you for no apparent reason? Do you have some sort of charm that just draws them in?


I am a magnet to many except not my SO lol


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## sigma1299 (May 26, 2011)

The thought of me as a chick magnet just makes me laugh. I am so not a chick magnet.

:rofl::rofl:


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

mr.miketastic said:


> I am a magnet to many except not my SO lol


Explain. Like how so? Because I had been talking to this one guy and I was thinking about the possibility of going exclusive with him but a phone conversation between us this morning now has me thinking otherwise. He called himself a chick magnet. He says he dont know what it is, but women just seem to throw themselves at him, and that just really turned me off. I don't want to be with a guy who constantly has women chasing after him because I am not going to compete for his attention. I want to be his all or I will be nothing at all. I am not going to be a second or third or fourth choice to him. 
Maybe he was over exaggerating it, I don't know but the way he described it made it sound like women were just seeping outta the woodwork to get to him.
I want a man who will be with me because he wants me and he won't even notice other women because he will be so focused on me. I don't want someone I have to compete for. That ain't gonna happen.


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## FrankKissel (Nov 14, 2011)

I'm a magnet for the chick that counts. Beyond that, I'm far too oblivious to notice.

And any man who feels compelled to tell a woman he's a chick magnet most likely isn't.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## sigma1299 (May 26, 2011)

FrankKissel said:


> And any man who feels compelled to tell a woman he's a chick magnet most likely isn't.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


My thoughts exactly!! Over compensating for something else???:scratchhead:


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

FrankKissel said:


> I'm a magnet for the chick that counts. Beyond that, I'm far too oblivious to notice.
> 
> And any man who feels compelled to tell a woman he's a chick magnet most likely isn't.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Then why say it? Because I would be much more attractive to a man who does NOT have a parade of women after him than one who does.


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

sigma1299 said:


> My thoughts exactly!! Over compensating for something else???:scratchhead:


If you're referring to penis size, he's okay there 
But he's also told me he hasn't had a real, serious relationship in 10 years now. Is he perhaps trying too hard? Is he trying to make himself look like not a loser? I don't see him as a loser but he may see himself that way if he hasn't found anyone other than a few casual dates in the past 10 years.


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## TotoWeRNotInKansasAnymore (Apr 7, 2011)

This thread topic reminds me of the movie “Michael” with John Travolta. LOL! I actually have this guy friend who we started calling Michael after several of us went to see the movie. Girls would flock around him when we all went out. No lie. Over fifteen years later, married with kids and this friend still is a handsome guy. He is also very modest about it. He even gets a little embarrassed when given compliments regarding his looks. That’s the kind guy who is ok to be with and he just happens to be a chick magnet.


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## bubbly girl (Oct 11, 2011)

Is this the guy thats a cop? If so, then yeah, he's probably a chick magnet. I'm related to a police officer and women throw themselves at him. He's a goodlooking guy, but he never had that happen until he became a cop.


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

i havent been paying attention, but i would have to say no


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## sigma1299 (May 26, 2011)

It COULD be the classic hard to get approach. Unfortunately it works on a lot of women. The whole, women are after me all the time, I'm in and out of casual relationships, no one can "tie me down", I'm distant and disconnected thing. For some reason people, especially women in my experience, want what they can't have. So when they think they can't "have" a certain guy they tend to try harder. 

Or, he may just be telling you the truth, hard to know. 

Given what asshat has put you through your B.S. and game playing tolerance are justifiably much lower than is typical and your ability to spot those things much higher than typical.

Or I may be all off base...


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## TotoWeRNotInKansasAnymore (Apr 7, 2011)

You also know a guy is a chick magnet when his friends tease him about it. Gotta love those manly joking comments of “Dude! I’d do you.” or while in the most feminine voice his buddy can muster up says, “You’re so haannnddsome.” LOL!


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## CtK (Nov 27, 2011)

I never was when I was single (and pretty oblivious to the signs). But since I've had a gf for 3.5 years I've had quite a few girls throwing themselves at me - not quite physically, but still throwing themselves. There's no secret, I'm just friendly and personable, but moreso that I decided to go back to school at 30y/o for an education degree. So there I am, in my first long term relationship, surrounded by women in their early 20s, some of whom were interested and said so, yet I couldn't do anything about it. Prior to that I had barely had a date for years. And now I work around a lot of women, yet I can't end things with my girl despite these painful temptations.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

I seem to be chick magnet, but with the wrong polarity as most chicks. However once in a while I attract a chick that also happens to have the wrong polarity. I think I'm an electromagnet though because when my energy goes down I don't attract anything but rust.


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## Kobo (May 13, 2010)

I don't think I'd be saying that to a woman I planned on being exclusive with. Whether I was a "chick magnet" or not. I do know guys that get a bunch of attention from the ladies for know reason at all. So they are out there.


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

I don't get it. I'm a pretty girl-not to brag, but I am. Still, I have never just had men throwing themselves at me.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

Apple, I know what you mean. I am a half-decent looking guy, have tons of things going for me, I'm pleasant and polite, funny etc, but women do not throw themselves at me, I can count on one hand the times that any woman has made it obvious to me they are interested. It is destined that if I want to meet someone I like, I have to initiate, sometimes seems so hard to get someone to notice your good points.

I think it is quite different for men as it is women, and I think you are at a huge advantage. For most women I know, regardless of how I rate their attraction, including the low ones, it is simply a matter of being visible (your challenge should simply be filtering out the bad ones). It is up to you to initiate (put yourself out there) it may not land you a great guy, but it will definitely land you a guy... so, are you making yourself visible?


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

sigma1299 said:


> It COULD be the classic hard to get approach. Unfortunately it works on a lot of women. The whole, women are after me all the time, I'm in and out of casual relationships, no one can "tie me down", I'm distant and disconnected thing. For some reason people, especially women in my experience, want what they can't have. So when they think they can't "have" a certain guy they tend to try harder.
> 
> Or, he may just be telling you the truth, hard to know.
> 
> ...


Sigma, I think you could be right with the first paragraph there. He's been basically single for the past ten years. Well, he has casually dated but nothing exclusive but he does often talk about finding that someone he can settle down with.

And yeah, I think my bullshlt detector is on full alert these days. For now, I'm watching and I will not just jump into anything. I think I need to get him to clarify what he means exactly by women "throwing" themselves at him cuz if they are, I can't stop that but I can tell ya all that I will NOT be one of them because I absolutely will NOT compete for his attention. I simply refuse. I don't care who he is, or how much money he has or how big his d*ck is or any of that. If he wants me, he will knock all other girls out of the way to get to me. Easy as that.

I played that cat and mouse game before. Never again.


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

Lon said:


> Apple, I know what you mean. I am a half-decent looking guy, have tons of things going for me, I'm pleasant and polite, funny etc, but women do not throw themselves at me, I can count on one hand the times that any woman has made it obvious to me they are interested. It is destined that if I want to meet someone I like, I have to initiate, sometimes seems so hard to get someone to notice your good points.
> 
> I think it is quite different for men as it is women, and I think you are at a huge advantage. For most women I know, regardless of how I rate their attraction, including the low ones, it is simply a matter of being visible (your challenge should simply be filtering out the bad ones). It is up to you to initiate (put yourself out there) it may not land you a great guy, but it will definitely land you a guy... so, are you making yourself visible?


No, but then again, I really have no desire to be visible at this time.


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

I would like to know how does one get people to just "throw" themselves at you? I'm a pretty girl. I get told that a lot. 
-"You're gorgeous" 
-"You're perfect" 
-"You are absolutely astonishingly beautiful" 
-"A man could easily fall in love with your beauty" 
^ That is stuff I get told all the time, and yes, the compliments are very nice but I don't exactly have guys knocking down my doors for a date. All girls want to be pretty and I am very modest about my looks, I'm not out there flaunting around. Still, I see more ugly to average looking girls in a happy relationship than I do the pretty ones. 

I am not exactly out there making myself visible so to speak but I do work for a University and I see single men of all ages all day long. I did talk with a male friend of mine one time (He lives far away in another state) and he said to me: This may sound strange to you but the reason you don't have men knocking down your door is because of how beautiful you are. We men are way too afraid of being rejected and we would never in a million years believe we could ever have a chance with someone as gorgeous as you." I said, "Are ya kidding me??" 

Is that why Asshat cheated on me with so many ugly women? Did he have some sort of insecurities? Well, I'm sure he did but was he ever worried about me going off to find a new man? Is that why he had to beat me down and make me all insecure about myself and everything else? And I ain't just calling them ugly because they were shagging my husband. They really were ugly. Men tend to affair down.

In spite of being "pretty" as I am often told. I have still never been heavily pursued by a guy. I've never been worth walking through broken glass to get to by any guy. Someday I want to be worth that someone.

As much as I do like this guy, I cannot, I will not compete with other women for his attention. I just won't. He's either gonna give me his all, or I won't be around at all.


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## mrbeats (Dec 19, 2011)

im not a chick magnet as such, but my profession is a club DJ so at work i get ALOT of attention. 

when im not at work no one wants to know.. lol


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

> In spite of being "pretty" as I am often told. I have still never been heavily pursued by a guy. I've never been worth walking through broken glass to get to by any guy. Someday I want to be worth that someone.


You just have to be unique and different from the crowd, and you will get noticed. My wife isn't exactly to my physical taste in terms of her blonde/western features, but she still has a great body and smooth skin and beautiful dark brown eyes (which for some reason she wishes they were blue, and when she wears contacts... bleh!)

But one thing that made me climb over hoops, even ending up dropping everything and chasing her for - was her personality. She was the strongest woman I've ever met and didn't think it was possible. No more casual dates, no more playing, I wanted her.

It's not difficult to seduce someone, just find out what type of person they want and be that person. But if you are that person naturally, then comes love. Even the surprises that comes as it can seem "too-good-to-true", they don't matter as you'll be blinded by the positives.



> I would like to know how does one get people to just "throw" themselves at you? I'm a pretty girl. I get told that a lot.


I would keep the confidence to yourself and just act it, but try not to act conceited. I am very confident and even conceited but I'm still careful with what I say or how I act. Just have to be cool, calm, and collected.



> As much as I do like this guy, I cannot, I will not compete with other women for his attention. I just won't. He's either gonna give me his all, or I won't be around at all.


My wife really had no competition, either then physical competition like I had a fetish for black women and middle eastern babes for a while. But it's not the physical that will keep a man. My wife proved herself superior to other prospects and in turn her beauty inside and out outshone the rest.

Anyways as for your topic, when I was young I had little girls wanting to be around my pretty face, but as I got older other qualities were required and ended up being more important: confidence, charm, decisiveness, understanding, etc etc. So I learnt at a young age good looks ain't going to get you so far as to turn you into a chick or d-ck magnet.

It wasn't until I met my first gf that my confidence got boosted and I learnt a lot more about how women thought, why they acted, etc etc. After that experience I dated around, got rejected a few times too, and took it as my fault. Due to my childhood being a pretty face and endless compliments (which does get VERY annoying to hear) I can never feel insecure with myself, but I do take responsibility for my mistakes... too strong, too forward, too arrogant, too weak, lame line, bad timing, forced, half-hearted -> all these possibilities lead to rejection no matter how hot you are.

Over time I just got good at it, knew how to dress, walk into a club with an aura of confidence and used the "bandwagon" effect to create the atmosphere, while playing the cool calm and collected guy to seduce my dates. As long as I don't act like a douche, but act like a man, it works everytime. Even if I'm a douche the next morning hehe

Some women did end up collaring me, but not for long. My last ex before my wife was the longest but she resorted to emotional blackmail. That changed however when I first saw my wife and saw a strength deep inside those eyes that just set her apart, but due to my ex we had a yearlong friendship which developed into a romance as she proved her strength time and time again I just couldn't help but fall in love.

So forget looks, my experience has taught me that looks are secondary or even teitiary to attraction.



> This may sound strange to you but the reason you don't have men knocking down your door is because of how beautiful you are. We men are way too afraid of being rejected and we would never in a million years believe we could ever have a chance with someone as gorgeous as you." I said, "Are ya kidding me??"


:rofl:
To be honest I do think you can learn a lot from someone like my wife, she really knows how to seduce. Ironically however, she has a "bomb"... just like how single mums "drop the bomb" on dates they want to get rid of; by telling them "I have a kid", she drops the bomb by telling them of her past (even if not to turn them off but to open up to them) - which intimidates the hell outta most men... except me. That's something really drew us so close together, we were both people with really, really dark underworld pasts. One man's trash is another man's treasure I guess as the saying goes.

I'm sure you have friends who know how to seduce men, ask them for advice.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

If he needed to tell you that, it sounds to me like he's trying to reassure himself/you that he's in your league. I don't know, maybe he does have an appeal or vibe, but the fact that he needed to tell you this wreaks of insecurity to me ......or maybe it was meant as humor? I think if I was told that I'd either laugh (sorry) or to be honest knowing my personality, it'd make me behave so that he had to work harder for my attention - if I was still interested. I'd also correct him that I wasn't a chick. Woman, yes. I'd expect more. 

My husband is a "me" magnet.


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

I plan on just being me. I don't need to be fake for someone to fall in love with me. If this guy falls in love with me (maybe he already has and is just trying to hide it) it's gonna be because he likes me just the way I am.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

^ Just like wifey when she met me

But it doesn't mean you shouldn't put yourself out there. Sure you can also wait for a man with some balls to take you on but these people don't know you, and they make assumptions based on how you act. Whether you are available to a special someone or not, and whether they can be that special someone.


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

heartsbeating said:


> If he needed to tell you that, it sounds to me like he's trying to reassure himself/you that he's in your league. I don't know, maybe he does have an appeal or vibe, but the fact that he needed to tell you this wreaks of insecurity to me ......or maybe it was meant as humor? I think if I was told that I'd either laugh (sorry) or to be honest knowing my personality, it'd make me behave so that he had to work harder for my attention - if I was still interested. I'd also correct him that I wasn't a chick. Woman, yes. I'd expect more.
> 
> My husband is a "me" magnet.


He has told me that he has dated a lot of young, insecure women who all seemed to have daddy issues. He says this is the type of woman he draws in. Now, while I do have my own insecurities because, we all do, I have no daddy issues. I was blessed to have the best Dad in the world. So, I am very confident in that area of my life. 

Does this confidence of mine appeal to him? I don't know. I'm not confident in all areas. My issue is that I've never before in my life ever had a man be faithful to me. Therefore, I find it hard to believe any one will be.


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## YupItsMe (Sep 29, 2011)

1. Chick magnets dont say things like "Im a chick magnet" 
2. Magnets also repel 
3. Overcompensation sounds right 
4. Sounds like an idiot to me 
5. The lack of LTR in the last 10 years is a red flag
6. He sounds insecure and dopey to me


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

YupItsMe said:


> 1. Chick magnets dont say things like "Im a chick magnet"
> 2. Magnets also repel
> 3. Overcompensation sounds right
> 4. Sounds like an idiot to me
> ...


I lol'ed at this because I did wonder how real he was being about all of it because the way he painted the scene it made you think that women all around the world were just dropping what they were doing and flocking to be with him.


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

RandomDude said:


> You just have to be unique and different from the crowd, and you will get noticed. My wife isn't exactly to my physical taste in terms of her blonde/western features, but she still has a great body and smooth skin and beautiful dark brown eyes (which for some reason she wishes they were blue, and when she wears contacts... bleh!)
> 
> But one thing that made me climb over hoops, even ending up dropping everything and chasing her for - was her personality. She was the strongest woman I've ever met and didn't think it was possible. No more casual dates, no more playing, I wanted her.
> 
> ...


This guy knows about my past with my exhusband and all the emotional abuse and the neglect that occurred in the marriage. He's still talking to me.  I think that's a good thing.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

All men have their own insecurities, mine is feeling that I betrayed my own people, and combined with my past I feel I am not deserving of the love my wife gives me. Players are human too - remember that 

But to seduce a man who likes to conquer, it's a feat, my wife succeeded but it was a lot of work, and furthermore, there's a lot of work even after you collar him, my wife can testiment to that. We are confident and attractive men who also know how to sweep a woman off her feet even years after marriage... but the question is, can you handle the negatives?

The romance, the empathy hides a more sinister quality of mine, I put my wife through rollercoasters, and I even learnt from her to step up my game. Nonetheless, she has inspired me, to be a better man, to keep what is good, and to get rid of what is bad. But it's a lot of drama, takes a lot of patience and not to mention; strength.

EDIT: Damn it, how to add a "spoiler" thing that hides comments unless clicked on...

nevermind


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

RandomDude said:


> All men have their own insecurities, mine is feeling that I betrayed my own people, and combined with my past I feel I am not deserving of the love my wife gives me. Players are human too - remember that
> 
> But to seduce a man who likes to conquer, it's a feat, my wife succeeded but it was a lot of work, and furthermore, there's a lot of work even after you collar him, my wife can testiment to that. We are confident and attractive men who also know how to sweep a woman off her feet even years after marriage... but the question is, can you handle the negatives?
> 
> ...


his insecurity is that he feels he's meant to be alone for the rest of his life. This he has told me. I guess that not having any real relationships in 10 years can cause a person to lose hope of ever finding "the one". Perhaps he speaks of all these women who supposedly "throw" themselves at him to make himself look more appealing. Perhaps he is somehow saying "look at me, I can get girls" Maybe it's for his own self-confidence?


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

AppleDucklings said:


> his insecurity is that he feels he's meant to be alone for the rest of his life. This he has told me. I guess that not having any real relationships in 10 years can cause a person to lose hope of ever finding "the one". Perhaps he speaks of all these women who supposedly "throw" themselves at him to make himself look more appealing. Perhaps he is somehow saying "look at me, I can get girls" Maybe it's for his own self-confidence?


Heh I know that feeling very well, as for him bringing up other women, it's not a case of boasting, it's a case of disappointment. I doubt he needs to remind himself, it's one thing to know you can seduce a woman, but another thing to know that you can fall in love with someone.

I missed that feeling for so long before I met my wife, even with my ex it was love out of pity for her. But what I was going to say before but wanted to make it a "spoiler" so to speak is that; personally I feel *you should move on unless you know what you're doing*.

Same case as wild animals, don't expect to tame us unless you can handle us. And don't ever try to cage us. And finally, don't ever try to feed us. We prefer live prey and the glory of the hunt.


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

RandomDude said:


> Heh I know that feeling very well, as for him bringing up other women, it's not a case of boasting, it's a case of disappointment. I doubt he needs to remind himself, it's one thing to know you can seduce a woman, but another thing to know that you can fall in love with someone.
> 
> I missed that feeling for so long before I met my wife, even with my ex it was love out of pity for her. But what I was going to say before but wanted to make it a "spoiler" so to speak is that; personally I feel *you should move on unless you know what you're doing*.
> 
> Same case as wild animals, don't expect to tame us unless you can handle us. And don't ever try to cage us. And finally, don't ever try to feed us. We prefer live prey and the glory of the hunt.


I was totally planning on pulling back some to see how he reacts to that. Even so, he does pursue me more than I do him. 8 out of 10xs he's the one who calls me and when he calls, we will talk for hours-literally, for hours. He tells me I'm beautiful. he's bragged to his friends, co-workers and family members about me, telling them that he's met this really awesome girl. He tells me that I'm pretty much his dream girl and I'm what he's been looking for.

Still, even though he tells me those things and he says those things, he's not ever asked me to be exclusively his. And, if he likes me as much as he says he does, why not "go for it?"


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

Gorgeous. Glasses. Librarian. What's not to walk through broken glass for? It should be a given. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Read my posts on this thread here:

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/mens-clubhouse/36108-guys-help-women-please-help.html

You have to challenge him and show him what you're made off. It's different circumstances but it's very similar - how to make a man commit, and if he doesn't, move on and RESPECT yourself.

Be warned though, I still don't get why you're bothering with him - you're going to end up with the same problems as wifey for the last couple of years! As much as there's light at the end of the tunnel perhaps (so far with wifey and I)...

... is he really worth it?


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

RandomDude said:


> Heh I know that feeling very well, as for him bringing up other women, it's not a case of boasting, it's a case of disappointment. I doubt he needs to remind himself, it's one thing to know you can seduce a woman, but another thing to know that you can fall in love with someone.
> 
> I missed that feeling for so long before I met my wife, even with my ex it was love out of pity for her. But what I was going to say before but wanted to make it a "spoiler" so to speak is that; personally I feel *you should move on unless you know what you're doing*.
> 
> Same case as wild animals, don't expect to tame us unless you can handle us. And don't ever try to cage us. And finally, don't ever try to feed us. We prefer live prey and the glory of the hunt.


what about your wife made you want to give up the hunt?


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

alphaomega said:


> Gorgeous. Glasses. Librarian. What's not to walk through broken glass for? It should be a given.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


where is the "blushing" icon at 

I've never ever before had a guy who would go out of his way just for me. But then again, I was married to an Asshat.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

> what about your wife made you want to give up the hunt?


Read the thread, especially on the 2nd page. It answers your question. Still...

:banghead:
Do NOT open pandora's box woman! :rofl:
Jokes aside, I'm not lying when I say that if you want him you're still going to have to deal with his BS for a while. You have to ask yourself if he's really worth it.


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

RandomDude said:


> Read the thread, especially on the 2nd page. It answers your question. Still...
> 
> :banghead:
> Do NOT open pandora's box woman! :rofl:
> Jokes aside, I'm not lying when I say that if you want him you're still going to have to deal with his BS for a while. You have to ask yourself if he's really worth it.


I will go read. I cant say he's the one I *want* right now. I like him, yes, and I like him a lot but I know I am still not willing to give anyone my heart right now. That thing is locked up like Fort Knox right now.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

^ Damn... you might just have a chance :rofl:

Just remember though, whatever happens... no matter how much you give him, always make sure there's something else for him to conquer. The hunt lives on, even in marriage, as you can tell if you read my posts complaining about the missus' sex drive and how I get annoyed when she just makes it too easy for me.

Last night though... well, let's just say my respect for her has really been renewed. But I'm waiting at the moment seeing if it was a one-off, or if she has really changed.


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

RandomDude said:


> ^ Damn... you might just have a chance :rofl:
> 
> Just remember though, whatever happens... no matter how much you give him, always make sure there's something else for him to conquer. The hunt lives on, even in marriage, as you can tell if you read my posts complaining about the missus' sex drive and how I get annoyed when she just makes it too easy for me.
> 
> Last night though... well, let's just say my respect for her has really been renewed. But I'm waiting at the moment seeing if it was a one-off, or if she has really changed.


we've already had sex. Has he already lost the thrill of the hunt since we've already had sex?


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

=/

:banghead:
It's going to be harder now, compared to if you didn't put out, but that's just my opinion on a very difficult question...

Personally I feel you should have at least have got a least some commitment from him before that. It's like you've lost one card already in the game really by playing it too soon >.<

You can still turn the tables but... oh well, what's done is done. Just don't give into him anymore until he meets you halfway in what YOU want, like what I advised to psychokat.


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

RandomDude said:


> =/
> 
> :banghead:
> It's going to be harder now, compared to if you didn't put out, but that's just my opinion on a very difficult question...
> ...


Well, I can't take that back. 
And, I can't say he's the one I *want* right now. I don't want to chase or pursue him, I want that for myself for a change. I want to know that there is some guy out there-whether it be him or whoever-I just want to know that there is some guy out there would crawl through thorns just to get to me, and so far he has not shown me he would do that for me. But then, we've only been "talking" since September. It's still too soon to expect anything, I'm still watching things right now.


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## TotoWeRNotInKansasAnymore (Apr 7, 2011)

AppleDucklings said:


> his insecurity is that he feels he's meant to be alone for the rest of his life. This he has told me. I guess that not having any real relationships in 10 years can cause a person to lose hope of ever finding "the one".


Apple ~ I'm seeing red flags from that statement. I've heard pretty much the same exact thing from a guy. About what age is he? Has he ever been married? If he is at least in his mid 40's and never married....... RUN LIKE HE11 AND DON'T LOOK BACK!!!!!


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

If you want that, you have to know how to tie a rabbit to the pole then lead a greyhound around the course. It's a tease, but don't forget to feed the hound from time to time, as he'll figure it out sooner or later if he's not getting anything for his troubles.


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

TotoWeRNotInKansasAnymore said:


> Apple ~ I'm seeing red flags from that statement. I've heard pretty much the same exact thing from a guy. About what age is he? Has he ever been married? If he is at least in his mid 40's and never married....... RUN LIKE HE11 AND DON'T LOOK BACK!!!!!


he's 39, he was married once before but the marriage lasted only 5 months. She left him to be with OM.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

5 months? =/


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## TotoWeRNotInKansasAnymore (Apr 7, 2011)

AppleDucklings said:


> he's 39, he was married once before but the marriage lasted only 5 months. She left him to be with OM.


Becareful! Definitely some damage there, especially if he has remained single for 10 years since.


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

TotoWeRNotInKansasAnymore said:


> Becareful! Definitely some damage there, especially if he has remained single for 10 years since.


This is what he tells me anyways. No long, lasting, meaningful relationship with anyone in the past 10 years. He's dated, yes, but he says he's never found anyone he felt that magical connection with. He has told me that I am the closest he's ever come to finding exactly what he wants in a girl.


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## TotoWeRNotInKansasAnymore (Apr 7, 2011)

AppleDucklings said:


> This is what he tells me anyways. No long, lasting, meaningful relationship with anyone in the past 10 years. He's dated, yes, but he says he's never found anyone he felt that magical connection with. He has told me that I am the closest he's ever come to finding exactly what he wants in a girl.


I’ve also heard the song and dance of, “I can’t believe it has taken me this long to find someone like you. Why didn‘t we meet X years ago? Are you sure you’re ready for a relationship? You haven’t been divorced that long. I want to be all in with you.”

Any of that sound close?


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## deiswoman (Dec 5, 2011)

Anyone who would ask is definitely not a chick magnet!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

AppleDucklings said:


> his insecurity is that he feels he's meant to be alone for the rest of his life. This he has told me. I guess that not having any real relationships in 10 years can cause a person to lose hope of ever finding "the one". Perhaps he speaks of all these women who supposedly "throw" themselves at him to make himself look more appealing. Perhaps he is somehow saying "look at me, I can get girls" Maybe it's for his own self-confidence?


No offense intended - maybe it's the cynical part of my nature talking - but after reading this I'd be interpreting it that maybe he's trying to keep you at a distance. Is he not looking to be exclusive? 

Only you and him will know this but it's what is coming to my mind now. But whadda I know?  Just be sure he's worth your time.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

> Just be sure he's worth your time.


Agreed, not everyone can change, and not everyone has the ability to change people either. Not to mention too; that my wife took a big risk with her heart and to be honest it was ironically rather fortunate that I was with my ex when I first met her - as it forced us to establish a year long close friendship before anything else.

Without that foundation I doubt we would have lasted more then a month in a relationship.


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

RandomDude said:


> Agreed, not everyone can change, and not everyone has the ability to change people either. Not to mention too; that my wife took a big risk with her heart and to be honest it was ironically rather fortunate that I was with my ex when I first met her - as it forced us to establish a year long close friendship before anything else.
> 
> Without that foundation I doubt we would have lasted more then a month in a relationship.


Exactly. I do plan on building that foundation first. I'm in absolutely no rush right now. I'm still in college. I graduate in June 2012, then I plan on getting established in a new career, finding a new house. I have lots of "me" things to do still and those will all come first. In the meantime, I will build a friendship with him and whatever comes of it, will come naturally. There is no pressure on me, or on him to become a couple. We are not exclusive. I just want to take things one day at a time. I personally believe that if we have that magical, special connection, it will all fall together naturally and nothing needs to be forced.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

> I personally believe that if we have that magical, special connection, it will all fall together naturally and nothing needs to be forced.


Unfortunately true, and the more you fight it the more you fall for it. If it's meant to be, can't escape it...

Grrr! :banghead:


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

If being a chubby, lazy, football watching slob with the libido of a 16year old boy defines "chick magnet", I guess I am one.


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## Laurae1967 (May 10, 2011)

This whole thread seems bizarre to me. Any guy that proclaims he's a check magnet is DEEPLY insecure (and in douche territory). Likewise, anyone who posts that they have been told that they are "perfect" and other such drivel, also seems insecure and in need of validation (or else why post it?). 

OP- Have you gotten therapy to figure out why you gravitated to an abusive man? Seems like you are gravitating to another loser. If you have not done some self improvement since your last relationship, you are likely to end up with another man who is not good for you. Until you get a handle on low self esteem, it's hard to have a healthy relationship.


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

Laurae1967 said:


> This whole thread seems bizarre to me. Any guy that proclaims he's a check magnet is DEEPLY insecure (and in douche territory). Likewise, anyone who posts that they have been told that they are "perfect" and other such drivel, also seems insecure and in need of validation (or else why post it?).
> 
> OP- Have you gotten therapy to figure out why you gravitated to an abusive man? Seems like you are gravitating to another loser. If you have not done some self improvement since your last relationship, you are likely to end up with another man who is not good for you. Until you get a handle on low self esteem, it's hard to have a healthy relationship.


FIRST, I am NOT claiming to be "perfect" I am far from it. I have only shared what has been said to me by others. Sorry for such "drivel" as you put it.


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

RandomDude said:


> Unfortunately true, and the more you fight it the more you fall for it. If it's meant to be, can't escape it...
> 
> Grrr! :banghead:


This is why there is no need to force anything. When I was married, things went way too fast. I met my ex husband in May 1996, and we married one year later in May 1997. Perhaps if I had taken the time to get to know him better, I would have been more open to who he really was and I never would have married him. But, I did marry him and then I spent the next 15 years fighting for something that just wasn't meant to be.

My next relationship, whether it be this guy or someone else, I will not rush anything. It will either come together naturally or it won't.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

:rofl:I agree with AppleDucklings, I see no boasting here, as for her sharing what others commented about her, what's wrong with that? As for players being insecure, I agree with that, as I was one, and I still carry the insecurities with me in marriage. I even made a whole thread on it:

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/anxiety-depression-relationships/35433-what-one-deserves.html

But what's with the hate?



> This is why there is no need to force anything. When I was married, things went way too fast. I met my ex husband in May 1996, and we married one year later in May 1997. Perhaps if I had taken the time to get to know him better, I would have been more open to who he really was and I never would have married him. But, I did marry him and then I spent the next 15 years fighting for something that just wasn't meant to be.
> 
> My next relationship, whether it be this guy or someone else, I will not rush anything. It will either come together naturally or it won't.


Aye, people underestimate being slow and steady, especially the youth. My relationship with my wife was also a bit taboo, youngings could only comprehend being a date or being friend-zoned. Yet I fell in love with a woman who I friend-zoned and who friend-zoned me.

Our foundation of being best friends helped us through many, many trials, both against the world (fighting side by side led to the romantic attachment), and against each other. A lot of people ask me why I haven't divorced her yet or why hasn't she moved on by now too considering the sheer drama we dish at each other.

We've simply come too far, and divorce is never the answer, we both know we'll never get over each other. We are very much alike in some ways yet opposites on others, people on the outside say we are a perfect couple, our families when they hear about our fights though say our marriage is a warzone :rofl:

As divorce is never the answer, our only option is always - to find out how to make it better for both of us. No other options for either of us.


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

RandomDude said:


> :rofl:I agree with AppleDucklings, I see no boasting here, as for her sharing what others commented about her, what's wrong with that? As for players being insecure, I agree with that, as I was one, and I still carry the insecurities with me in marriage. I even made a whole thread on it:
> 
> http://talkaboutmarriage.com/anxiety-depression-relationships/35433-what-one-deserves.html
> 
> ...


As hard as my marriage was, there are lessons I did learn from it and those are things I can apply to my next relationship. First and foremost, I learned to never trust blindly. I do extend trust to people until they give me a reason not to trust them but I will never again trust blindly. Next, I learned to stand up for myself; to not be afraid to say what is on my mind, to speak up for myself. I may have saved myself years of neglect if I would have stood up to Asshat a time or two. Instead, I was so afraid of him that I kept everything inside. This pretty much killed me mentally and emotionally, leaving me with zero self esteem, zero self confidence and I basically became an empty shell. I also learned to just be myself. I am good enough just the way I am. I always tried to please Asshat by being who I thought he wanted me to be. I worked so hard to make him happy, that my own happiness was left unattended. I learned that you cannot make someone love you. Either they will love you, or they won't. Simple as that. It does not matter how much we love them or want them, if they do not desire us in the same way, there is no amount of "pleasing" we can do to them or for them. I learned that our happiness must come from ourselves, and not from others. I believed that if I could make Asshat happy, then in turn, I would be happy. That didn't work out so well. Now, my mission is to make myself happy. I'm gaining back my self esteem, my self confidence. I'm finding out my self worth and yanno what? I'm finding out that I'm a pretty cool person. I'm learning to like me again. Love even. 
I do want someone in my life. I do not like being alone, however, someone is going to be with me because they want to be. There will be no pressure on anyone to be with me. I am not going to lie or manipulate anyone to be with me. They will either want me simply because they do, or they won't at all. I won't lose any sleep if they don't.
I'm not out there right now making myself "visible" or sending out those "hey, look at me! I'm single signals" I'm simply being me, going about my day. This guy I'm talking to, I rarely see him. Our contact is 95% via telephone. I saw him over the weekend but that was the first time in a month, and yanno what? That's okay because limited contact right now allows us to be able to continue on in our own lives while getting to know each other more personally and less sexually.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

AppleDucklings said:


> This guy I'm talking to, I rarely see him. Our contact is 95% via telephone. I saw him over the weekend but that was the first time in a month, and yanno what? That's okay because limited contact right now allows us to be able to continue on in our own lives while getting to know each other more personally and less sexually.


I feel like I'm all up in your business with what I'm about to write but I guess here goes anyway. It's meant with good intention.

If you enjoy talking with him then great but why is it you aren't seeing each other more than once a month? I think I read you have been getting to know each other since Sept, you have slept together, and now haven't seen him in a month yet you have considered he could be someone you could be exclusive with? And he's told you he's not felt this connection before? 

I'll happily stand corrected in a humble corner of the room if needed, but why isn't he trying to be around you more physically then? Meeting up, talking with you face to face to get to know you? Unless you live in another state, I don't get it. Still, even then, you know you're worth traveling for on weekends and whenever possible.... and that you'd no doubt make effort to see him in return if it was that way. Maybe it's not for me to get. Maybe it's a casual thing you got going on. Please just be aware, is all I'm saying.


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

heartsbeating said:


> I feel like I'm all up in your business with what I'm about to write but I guess here goes anyway. It's meant with good intention.
> 
> If you enjoy talking with him then great but why is it you aren't seeing each other more than once a month? I think I read you have been getting to know each other since Sept, you have slept together, and now haven't seen him in a month yet you have considered he could be someone you could be exclusive with? And he's told you he's not felt this connection before?
> 
> I'll happily stand corrected in a humble corner of the room if needed, but why isn't he trying to be around you more physically then? Meeting up, talking with you face to face to get to know you? Unless you live in another state, I don't get it. Still, even then, you know you're worth traveling for on weekends and whenever possible.... and that you'd no doubt make effort to see him in return if it was that way. Maybe it's not for me to get. Maybe it's a casual thing you got going on. Please just be aware, is all I'm saying.


It's okay. The reason I don't get to see him more often is because we do live 45 minutes apart and our work schedules are night and day. I work days while he works 3rd shifts. We both do have weekends off, so we could spend more time together then but sometimes it doesn't always work out for us to get together. I do hope that will change sooner than later because if it doesn't change, there won't be no future there.
He does very good at keeping in contact with me, I talk to him every single day on the phone, and we have good lengthy phone calls. We always talk for an hour or better. He will also text me through out the day just to say hi. 8 out of 10 x's, it's him who is contacting me first. But yeah, hopefully we will be able to get to the point where we can see each other more. As much as I want to be around him more, I kinda like it this way too because I don't feel pressured, and I can take things slow. 
I still having more healing to do from my divorce, and he is very understanding of that. If he didn't like me, he wouldn't be calling me everyday like he does.


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

Yes I am...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

nice777guy said:


> Yes I am...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


What makes you a chick magnet?


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

Just comes naturally!

Of course I'm mostly kidding...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

> mostly...


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## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

The older i get the more I seem to draw. I can't figure out why!

Doesn't matter anyway; other than being cordial I wouldn't give them the time of day. Have no desire to do that to my W. but it is nice to know I'm not viewed as a fossil though.


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## OOE (Mar 17, 2011)

OK, here's my take:

He senses that you're keeping at a safe distance. He wants you closer. 

Maybe he's read that "social proof" of his attractiveness will build attraction. If that's the case, I'd also guess that he's a little socially awkward? He's in IT, engineering, accounting or something like that, right? Definately not in sales. 

You're not feeling it with him. You like the attention, but there's no spark.

AD, there's a GREAT guy out there for you. Never settle.

(P.S. You must trust at some point. Sure, be slow to give it, but trust is the bedrock of any real relationship. This is coming from one BS to another BS.)


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## LonelyNLost (Dec 11, 2010)

Apple, when you meet the right guy it will all click. He's not only not walking through broken glass for you, he's not making the effort to see you more than once a month. My man lives 320 miles away and we've seen each other every weekend for the past 2 months and we never go more than 2 weeks without seeing each other. I trust him until he gives me a reason not to, and we communicate on a deeper level than I've ever experienced. We've discussed the possibility of a rebound, to great lengths, which gives me comfort. Don't ever settle. Is this guy really worthy of your attention? The no LTR for 10 years scares me. So does the 5 month marriage. And if you aren't exclusive, have you considered going out on other dates or talking to other people?


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

No. In fact I am anti humanity. Don't look at me don't talk to me I don't want to hear about it. Anyone who's attracted to me is more fu^ked in the head than I am.


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

OOE said:


> OK, here's my take:
> 
> He senses that you're keeping at a safe distance. He wants you closer.
> 
> ...


He's a cop.

I do extend trust to people until they give me a reason not to. He's given me more attention in the past 2 months than my own husband gave me in the last 2 years of our marriage. So yeah, I like the attention. I've been starved for attention. It's nice to have someone who calls me everyday, it's nice to have someone who takes that time from their own day for me.

And no, I'm not going to settle. I do like him but I'm not willing to give my heart to anyone right now. I've got that thing locked up very tight right now. So, maybe in a sense I am keeping him at a distance?


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

LonelyNLost said:


> Apple, when you meet the right guy it will all click. He's not only not walking through broken glass for you, he's not making the effort to see you more than once a month. My man lives 320 miles away and we've seen each other every weekend for the past 2 months and we never go more than 2 weeks without seeing each other. I trust him until he gives me a reason not to, and we communicate on a deeper level than I've ever experienced. We've discussed the possibility of a rebound, to great lengths, which gives me comfort. Don't ever settle. Is this guy really worthy of your attention? The no LTR for 10 years scares me. So does the 5 month marriage. And if you aren't exclusive, have you considered going out on other dates or talking to other people?


Nah, I'm not really interested in doing that right now. I talk to this guy because I like him and because he is easy to talk to, he makes me laugh, he makes me smile. There's just something about him. But far as dating goes, I'm not interested right now. At one time, I thought I was but I'm really not. For now, I kind of just figure if things take off with this guy, then great! If not, that's okay too. And if not, I'm not going to rush off to find someone new. After living alone for the past 8 months (me and the kids) I'm finding I kinda like this new found freedom.


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