# Still hope? or Is it over? PLEASE help



## Mama2bestkidsever (Feb 15, 2012)

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Hey all, 1st post here... Never thought I'd be putting my business out for others to see but I really need some help.
I have been married for almost 13 years and have a son and a daughter. 
About a month before our 8th anniversary, my husband and I had a conversation over dinner...I've not been the same since....
He told me that he was unhappy and didn't think he wanted to be married anymore. I was in shock and completely bind sided. He and I seeed to have the marriage thing down. We were both successul in our careers, had 2 amazing kids and never really argued.
Long story short....he left for a month to "be alone and get his thoughts together." In reality, there was someone else. He had gotten involved in an emotional affair at work. He was planning to leave his family. After he had been gone about a month, he said that his eyes had been opened and wanted to come home. I wanted to keep our family together, I was praying for him to come home. Over the course of the next two years, I got bits and peices of the truth of what was really going on in our marriage the 1st 8 years. There was an incident with a stripper as well, explaining the embarrassing trip to the doctor to find out "what was wrong with me." Yes, I got an std... 
Now, I made the choice to forgive and move on because I didn't want to give up and I care enough about my children to do what it takes to keep their family together.
Fast forward to about 2 months ago... I am made aware (after being confronted) of my husbands pornography addiction...which has been an issue since he was a teenager, I just didn't know about it. Wow, blindsided again... This explains his lack of interest in sex over the years.
Of course, I feel like an idiot...how stupid am I?! How could I be so blind to the truth for all this time?!
I compassionately listened to him as he told me about his struggle and I once again agreed to forgive but warned him that he should seek therapy so that notable progress could be seen and recovery could begin.
That was two months ago....
He just acts like everything is normal, as if nothing ever happened....
I am now trying to make good decisions and put my life back together... I feel like I need to once and for all....get this figured out and find myself again. My life to this point has always been about everyone else...but I am not ok, plain and simple. I can't just sit back and wait for more time to pass by and more disappointment to battle....but I don't want to take the family that my kids see as so precious away from them....
It would be helpful to hear from others that have possibly been in my shoes.... Thanks 
*my apologies if you have already read this...I posted elsewhere and only got one reply.


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## CSeryllum (Jan 23, 2012)

This is my perspective, my story...well, is different, but in a way the same.

My STBXW has been having an emotional affair, and i'm pretty damn sure a physical one too (the amount of overwhelming evidence kind of makes me lean in that direction)

But, like you...I only get "bits and pieces" of the truth. The reality is, without an open and honest partner...we let our minds get the better of us...sometimes, though, our instincts are correct even if we don't want to believe them.

The only truth he has been giving you, is the truth you make for yourself with what you see/hear/feel/believe....and that is a terrible thing, to think something but not know for certain.

I will say this---There is always hope no matter how bleak....My situation is going to end in divorce, without any question. It wasn't my choice, and I don't want it to...but its what she wants.

However, as long as you are alive, there is hope...for all I know, two months, or 10 years down the line, we might get back together...sure that isn't ideal...but if that's what you really want, then it's not a bad thing to hold onto to...just don't pine, and wait around wasting your life....

Keep trying, keep hope...but also, keep moving forward no matter what happens <3


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## Mama2bestkidsever (Feb 15, 2012)

CSeryllum said:


> This is my perspective, my story...well, is different, but in a way the same.
> 
> My STBXW has been having an emotional affair, and i'm pretty damn sure a physical one too (the amount of overwhelming evidence kind of makes me lean in that direction)
> 
> ...


Thanks, really. That was helpful. I have been at a stand still for so long. I feel like I'm all alone and with that comes hopelessness. It's nice to hear someone say that there is always hope no matter which way this goes. I'm sorry to hear of what you are going through as well. I wish you the best....


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## Mamatomany (Jan 10, 2012)

Mama2bestkidsever said:


> --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
> Fast forward to about 2 months ago... I am made aware (after being confronted) of my husbands pornography addiction...which has been an issue since he was a teenager, I just didn't know about it. Wow, blindsided again... This explains his lack of interest in sex over the years.
> Of course, I feel like an idiot...how stupid am I?! How could I be so blind to the truth for all this time?!
> I compassionately listened to him as he told me about his struggle and I once again agreed to forgive but warned him that he should seek therapy so that notable progress could be seen and recovery could begin.
> ...



Okay my two cents... 
I am a mother trying (not successfully) to keep my large family together and it is difficult if your H doesn't do anything to help. Actions speak louder than words. 

Make an appt for MC. Seriously. Both of you go. Before you pick one look for one that mentions that they specialize in family, addictions, pornography etc. Some don't do well with things they aren't specializing in. I found a couple/family therapist through a search "marriage friendly therapy" is what I googled. Sometimes the therapist like to dabble here and there and that scares me. Talk to them and be sure that they will be able to help with porn addiction and infidelity. 

Good luck!


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