# Should I ask my DS/husband to read some of these posts?



## heartbroken1957 (Apr 8, 2011)

I feel my H is in a fog. I read posts and think, I wish he would read this. 
Do you think it would be of help for him to read these. There are ones that I think would show him how others feel, think. What they are doing to get past things. 

Or 

Should I keep this as my safe place to speak, and get help with feelings.


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## heartbroken1957 (Apr 8, 2011)

I have left this site open if he should want to read things. He has never said if he read anything. The opportunity is there.


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## Squiffy (Oct 26, 2010)

Personally I keep this as my safe place, my husband knows I use forums, but he isn't interested in reading or using them. It's just not his thing. But I do relay useful information that I read here to him, and he seems to have taken that on board.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

heartbroken1957 said:


> I have left this site open if he should want to read things. He has never said if he read anything. The opportunity is there.


No! Keep this as your safe place. There are things and investigative methods that are discussed that they can be aware of that can be used to take the A underground. you will only put yourself at a disadvantage.


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## bs193 (Jan 2, 2011)

If he is in a fog, he probably is not going to gain the insight from anything here that I know you are hoping he will gain. He will most likely discount much of it by thinking what he is feeling is "real" and none of us know what we are talking about. I highly suggest keeping this as YOUR safe place. I fear you will greatly regret a decision to do otherwise.


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## reindeer (Mar 24, 2011)

I agree with bs193, he won't be at all interested. If ever so much as began a sentance with 'other people' my husband used to say 'I am not interested in other people, only myself'. Keep this place for you, as others have said.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

bs193 said:


> If he is in a fog, he probably is not going to gain the insight from anything here that I know you are hoping he will gain. He will most likely discount much of it by thinking what he is feeling is "real" and none of us know what we are talking about. I highly suggest keeping this as YOUR safe place. I fear you will greatly regret a decision to do otherwise.


:iagree:

From the looks of it, he's still unremorseful and blaming her and justifying the A.


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## heartbroken1957 (Apr 8, 2011)

Thank You all for the responses. I agree now after sleeping on it. I think what I want him to read I will print off and go that way. It was info on being in a fog, which up till I read the recent post about fog clues. I didn't think he was still in one. 
A month ago I suggested to the MC and him both that I thought he needed to forgive himself for the affair and forgive me for the past 28 yrs of what ever it was I did to the marriage. 
So far he hasn't. 
I have another question about what is normal for after the EA/PA, that I will start another thread.


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## Numb-badger (May 18, 2011)

This is my haven.
I'm 5 weeks from D-day and this site has been my sanctuary. This place is my hidden waterfall where I can sit, think, learn and understand.
The great thing is that there are lots and lots of other people sitting on the rocks next to me going through the same things I'm going through.


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## 8yearscheating (Oct 14, 2010)

Heart - if you want him to get some information have him go to beyondaffairs.com click the seminars tab then the teleseminars tab and listen,


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## heartbroken1957 (Apr 8, 2011)

Well I didn't suggest he read posts on here, but I found him reading things. I didn't say anything, because he was very intently studying them. After a few hrs he stopped and I asked him what he thought. He was very open and said he understood things. I left it alone. 
Then later that night he said he wanted to talk when we went to bed. He had fell asleep before I got there and then the next morning our 12 yr old was hanging around so it was late afternoon before we talked. 
He was extremely quiet and began by appoligizing with tears. He got it. Because he read posts by a variety of situations he then seen that I wasn't being a drama queen or a b*tch. What I felt was real and what he felt was just like every other adulterer. 
For me it worked out Ok that he seen what I wrote, and what I was reading. 
My posts were nothing said that I hadn't said to him. There were no exagerations, no lies, no Bull. 
I have nothing to hide from him, which is what it should be now, and He should be honest with me. 
He has opened up and told me things, not having to do with the affair. Things that were bothering him. It's a turning point in our recovery. Even the MC said we are making big progress now.

I would not say that everyone should let their other know about TAM but in my case the point I began to think he should see what others say, was the point I left it available for him. It was a good thing this time.


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## msmith (Jun 7, 2011)

I am glad that the sharing helps him. I hope your marriage becoming stronger after this trial.


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## heartbroken1957 (Apr 8, 2011)

msmith, I can see a big difference already. He is not as fiesty when something is wrong. He is really starting to talk to me about general things, where before he wouldn't talk at all. He seems happier. In fact when our middle son called this weekend to inform us we were going to be grandparents, my H walked around all weekend with a grin. Usually he would have been critical of the fact that it was so soon after just getting married. 
He's a much happier man all around. It may have been reading others post and how they were doing, or seeing the fact that what I was saying was just what others were saying too.


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