# Feeling like a fool



## stayingtrue (Feb 19, 2010)

Let me start by saying, my wife and I have been married for 12 years and together for over 22 years. The last couple of years we have been going thru what I call a dry spell. We both gained a lot of weight and we would go to work and stay home watch movies hardly go out or anything. Of course this also applied to the sex life, almost none existent. Well for the last year my wife has gone threw some changes, she joined a weight lost clinic and has lost a lot of weight; she also has started to dress a little sexier and at time’s a lot sexier. I have encouraged it all because she was starting to feel better about her self, then back in late November she started asking to go out with some girlfriends. I know them a thought sure I will stay home watch the kids and you go have fun, (she was also starting to show signs of excitement in the bedroom) this happened for about 5 Saturday’s not in a row but almost every other. Anyway she would come home drunk and one time she was DD and came home sober but still in a good mood. But one Saturday in early January she came home and slept down stairs on the couch, She was hung over most of the day. Long story short two weeks later I get a call from my nephew saying that she went home with some guy we all know that night after the bar. I get home confront her she deny it and then later after admits to it but claims she only maid out no sex. She was unhappy and wanted out. Then we started the ball rolling to separated and started talking one thing lead too another and we decided to try and work it out. Then a week goes by and find on her computer that she has been talking to men that she met online threw ADULT-dating sites (Ashley Madison). I should say that for years my wife was a prude, she will not look at nudity talk about sex anything like that, would talk down about women who were sexual and show it, so when I found this I was shocked again. Of course when I confronted here on this she back pedaled and said it was before then I was just curious, that sort of stuff. So after days of talking we decided to try and work things out, at this point I asked for complete honesty and offered for us try what ever she needed to find what she was getting from talking to these men. A few days later I find that she was on other sites ( Adultfreindfinder ) and find she has like three or four secret emails. Know again we talk she claims she has not cheated or met any of these men but what too believe. She claims that she closed the accounts on the websites and that she is not using the emails but when I asked for passwords and to see the emails she got very angry and said that I would misunderstand what I would read. After going down stairs and coming back she had opened one up and of course deleted stuff and said go ahead and look. Then I find out that one of the guys that she has talked too for about a week or so she know calls a friend and gave him here real name and put him on facebook. Am I just being a fool for staying and trying to believe her or am I doing the right thing. I am lost and getting more confused every day?

Any input from Men or Women would be appreciated.


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

You've just been punched in the gut and hit upside the head.

Do yourself a favor - stop pushing her about e-mails, facebook, etc., - and try to catch your breath.

Whatever is going on - she's been dealing with (or even planning) for quite some time. You have a lot of catching up to do.

Right now, if you push, she'll just try harder to cover things up. And "things" can be anything from what she's admitted to - chatting and making out - to much worse.

Things are about to get really, really hard for you. So - take a deep breath and realize that this isn't a car engine - something you fix. We (men) seem to want to fix these things. This is going to be a process that takes some time, with a lot of downs, and hopefully some ups as well.

Glad you found us - sorry you have to be here.


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

And sorry - to answer your question - no - you are not a fool to want to work on this.

If you had just gotten married, or even were only 2 or 3 years in, I'd tell you to run. But for 22 years you guys stuck together. That's a lot of life you've invested in each other.

But for right now - just breathe and don't start pushing her until you've caught up a bit to where she is.

And last - trust your gut. You will get a LOT of advice here - but no one here knows YOUR wife.

Its hard to explain - every story really is different, but there are certain patterns that you just can't ignore.


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## stayingtrue (Feb 19, 2010)

Thanks Man, I have been trying to give her some space and trying to listen. We even went a way for Valentines to a little get a way just the two of us and it was great. Sad part is, it was the first time since we had kids. Anyway I guess I just don't get with everything that has happened that she still can't be fully honest with me.


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

Make sure you look in the "Coping with Infidelity" section. There are a lot of people there who've been through this - you'll find at least a few you can relate to.

Going away for V-day sounds like a good step!


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## stayingtrue (Feb 19, 2010)

Should I post this topic in that section you think?


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

It might get a little more attention there. And its not exactly a "guy" thing - this happens to everyone.


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