# If both your job and family life are stressful, tell us your thoughts



## jnyu44 (Feb 13, 2012)

I actually love my job - it's just that one, more senior coworker makes life really hard for me and because I'm new, I have to take it. It's an office job, so at least it isn't physically demanding, although hours are normally 60 a week. If you want to know why I put up with it, read at the bottom. 

Life at home ain't so pretty either. Wife had a craaaazy a** mother who treated her really poorly (told her she was ugly and useless, etc. even though she's neither), which I think has influenced who she is today. It's difficult to live with her as she's a clean freak, so any slight misstep might set her off. The reason I'm still with her is because I think that at her core she is a kind, compassionate person. However, I'm really concerned that this is what I have to look forward to for the rest of my life. 

Long story short: I go to work and take a lot of bs. I come home, and it's more bs. On weekends, I do stuff with hers and my family which can be nice. 

So, chime in gents if you've been in this situation. Ladies, of course, are welcome to give their two cents.

Thanks people.
********
why I'm willing to take the crap at work:

I take the bs from this douche because he's part of the 2-person team that does quantitative research (which is what I really like). He works on a lot of interesting projects that need my skill set (statistics), so obviously the last thing I want to do is create a bad work dynamic. 

I don't want to burden my boss (who I really like), so I haven't brought it up to him (I'm only 2 months in). I figure the earliest I'll say something is during semi-annuals, which is in 4 months. 

Bottom line is, I love my job too much to want to rock the boat this early into my stint there. But yea, I realize bottling it all up might very well have consequences.


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## Wiltshireman (Jan 23, 2013)

OP,

Thing can only get better if you do / say something about a problem (whether at home or work).

At work have you tried talking to your co-worker about his attitude towards you. 

At home take the time and make the effort to help your wife build up her self esteem, as for her being at bit of a "clean freak" I would love that in a wife but then I am "a place for everything and everything in its place" sort of guy (my wife thought I was a bit OCD when we started dating).


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## joshbjoshb (Jul 11, 2011)

Wiltshireman said:


> At home take the time and make the effort to help your wife build up her self esteem, as for her being at bit of a "clean freak" I would love that in a wife but then I am "a place for everything and everything in its place" sort of guy (my wife thought I was a bit OCD when we started dating).


No, don't do that! I am reading between your lines that she is treating you in a not nice way. Well, yes, you do have the right to come to your own home and not be attacked, and be treated with respect.

[You might also be wanted to be treated with love, and have a loving spouse waiting for you, but that's might not happen]

If this is the case, you have to learn how to be a man and not let your wife act as if you are a doormat. It's pretty simple.


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## Shoto1984 (Apr 11, 2009)

I think you can deal with a difficult work environment. It's "work" after all and you accept the trade offs and you get paid knowing you're supporting your family. Home is something different to me. I think your home is supposed to be a place of refuge. Its where you recharge and the reason for you to be accepting all the BS at work. I hope you can have a rational conversation with your wife where you both can discuss your issues and agree on improvement. If you can't then I hope she will agree to marriage counseling. A mistake I made in my marriage was thinking that I was going to save her. That somewhere inside her was this good person and that I was going to encourage some break through that would set this good person free and we would find happiness. The burden then rested on my shoulders to do more and more trying to make this happen. I also think my ego played a part in thinking that I could do this. The hard lesson being that you can't "fix" someone. They have to "fix" themselves and that rarely happens.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

Better boundaries and also take the time to do something good for yourself that you enjoy that doesn't involve coworkers, wife or extended family. 

You need to have something you own and are in control of that is worthwhile for your to protect. Practice protecting that and then take what you learn and insert into home life and work life. Maybe some counseling would be helpful, in addition. Even if you feel like you're coping and things can't be any better...they can. 

I agree that this situation can and will take a toll on your health. You can be proactive now or reactive later. :-(


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## Broken at 20 (Sep 25, 2012)

Job:
Grocery store stocker: usual shift is 4-12. Got the day off today because they didn't need me. 
Got a new stocking manager. He credits me with all the intelligence of a pop-tart. And I was the first person he met at the store where he transferred to. I was the first stocker of his crew he met. And he still doesn't know my name...Just calls me Cap'n skinny. 
And I got a vendor on my aisles. The Nabisco vendor... I hate that person. The first time I met the guy, I saw him building a display, and throwing stuff on top of the shelves. He said "I am going to stack this sh!t to the ceiling!" I thought "Ok, you're crazy," and left. Come back 2 hours later, he literally, stacked it as high as he could. Up to the lights. Wanted to kill that guy...



Family life:
Fight with my brother a ton after some...recent family debate. 
And mom doesn't really talk with me anymore. Loves talking with my brother though. Always sides with him. Gotten to the point where if I am arguing with him, I'll say I got work or come up with an excuse to get out of the house. 
Sister and I don't get along that much better anymore either. She argues with me over dad, and my mom won't get involved with that. My dad, when he can be bothered to be a father, almost always sides with her. 
And my mom doesn't really talk with me anymore. I still contribute to the household finances, and that is about all we ever discuss. Beyond that, I doubt we have had any real talks, serious or light hearted, for months. Or at least feels like it. 

Usually I try to find a way to stay out of the house. 
Today, I wasn't able to get out. But whenever I can, I jump ship. 
I hope gas doesn't jump to $4 a gallon though, or I'll be in trouble.


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