# He won't Forgive me HELP!



## Prescious (Jul 28, 2013)

Hi guys I will try my best to put my whole story with my husband in a nutshell. I met my Indian husband online 3 years ago and I am black. We finally got married this year been married now for 5months. Fast forwarding, I gave my husband my password to my email because I have all his passwords to all his emails and I gave him my password to my email. 

Lo and behold my husband found an old email between me and a guy online back in january when my husband was in rehab overseas. I was lonely and I had an ONLINE FLING I showed the guy my privates and he showed me his. Anyway that is all it was and I ended it back in january and thought I erased all those pictures and words I said like why you with another girl when you can have me but I NEVER MET WITH THIS GUY IN PERSON AND NEVER WANTED TO. Just talking online. It only lasted about maybe a month or so but I ended the online fling and thought I erased this. But he found this and is devastated.

He started using drugs again because of what he saw in my email back then. All I can say to him is that it was a mistake I was lonely and had nobody to talk to. I never met with the person or had physical sex with the person but for him I devastated his world. He told me that he trusted me more than he trusted himself. He told me that he trusted me more than he trusted God. And that everybody in his family and friends was telling him how you need to be careful because she is black. And he was defending me to everybody saying no she is not like that. Now he says he feels ashamed because everybody was right about me

*But then I would tell him baby I am sorry please forgive me. That was nothing and it was only online. But then i would say what about when we were in a relationship since 2010 and in 2011 your family forced you to marry a woman and you married a woman AND NEVER TOLD ME ABOUT IT FOR 11 MONTHS. And you had a baby with the woman got married to the woman all while you were with me. And when you finally confessed in Nov 11 months later, I cried and was a little angry BUT I FORGAVE YOU in like 2 days I forgave this guy. For marrying another woman and having a baby with her while he is in a relationship with me. But then he would tell me that his situation is different because he was forced into the marriage and that he did tell me. And I was like yeah you confessed BUT YOU STILL LIED TO ME FOR 11 MONTHS. *When I asked you who was that girl that called me and told me to stay away from her husband and that he is married to her. You lied to me and told me that was another girl that wants you and that is not your wife. You still lied to me and I forgave you. I forgave him right away because I love him

Oh btw guys don't think I am a home wrecker because I am not. *I did not know he was married and got married while he was with me and had a baby with her all while with me* But when he confessed 11 months later to me, I forgave him and asked him what is he going to do because I cannot be with a married man. So he told me that he and his wife does not get along and she does not like him and hates him and wishes him dead. So I told him then you need to get a divorce because I cannot be with a married man. And he did. He got a divorce like 8 months later after when I found out. Not because of me but because he said he and her did not get along and that they don't have sex. 

Anyway so guys I know what I did online was wrong BUT IT WAS ONLY THAT, online only. But it is hurting him so badly and he wants to kill himself because of this. especially because everybody in his family abandoned him for marrying me. His mother hates him for marrying me and kicked him out of the house. His uncles and sister in law they all hate him for marrying me and now he feels betrayed and lost. He almost overdosed because he relapsed after seeing this email. Hey guys what do I do? Is what I did really so so bad compared to what he did and I forgave him? Am I wrong well I'm sure I am but that's why it was only online. In anycase guys please give me your advice because my husband just can't seem to forget this. Today is Sunday and he saw the email Thursday and it can't leave his mind. He keeps looking at the pictures over and over again. I told him to erase them but its like he can't or won't or something. What do I do guys? please help thanks Oh p.s. He lives in India and I am here applying for him to come to America. I was there in India with him for 3 months. Just got back. Please help me guys what to do or am I wrong. That was back then online and it ended. Help thanks


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## Will_Kane (Feb 26, 2012)

I don't think I ever saw a story like yours on this forum.

Did he marry you while he was married to his first wife?

Does he see or support his child?


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## Will_Kane (Feb 26, 2012)

Prescious said:


> *I was lonely* and I had an ONLINE FLING *I showed the guy my privates and he showed me his*.


How did showing your privates and looking at his make you less lonely?


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## Will_Kane (Feb 26, 2012)

Prescious said:


> please give me your advice because my husband just can't seem to forget this. *Today is Sunday and he saw the email Thursday* and it can't leave his mind.


He only found out three days ago. How many days did you think it would take him to forget about it?


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## Prescious (Jul 28, 2013)

Will_Kane said:


> I don't think I ever saw a story like yours on this forum.
> 
> Did he marry you while he was married to his first wife?
> 
> Does he see or support his child?


No he divorced her then married me because they never got along but no he does not see his child because in india if you divorce the wife you divorce the child too. There is no co-parenting in India. So while I was in a relationship with he, he went back to his country and secretly got married to a woman they had for him and he never told me and kept in a relationship with me all that time. He confessed 11 months later but I forgave him for marrying her and having a baby with her but he can't forgive me for this online thing? You understand the story now?


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## Will_Kane (Feb 26, 2012)

Prescious said:


> No he divorced her then married me because they never got along but no he does not see his child because in india if you divorce the wife you divorce the child too. There is no co-parenting in India. So while I was in a relationship with he, he went back to his country and secretly got married to a woman they had for him and he never told me and kept in a relationship with me all that time. He confessed 11 months later but I forgave him for marrying her and having a baby with her but he can't forgive me for this online thing? You understand the story now?


Yes, I understand the story, but I don't understand why you want to be with him. I've had girls cheat on me behind my back, but I don't think any of them ever got married to someone else behind my back.


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## Prescious (Jul 28, 2013)

Will_Kane said:


> Yes, I understand the story, but I don't understand why you want to be with him. I've had girls cheat on me behind my back, but I don't think any of them ever got married to someone else behind my back.


Yes well I guess love will do that to yah BUT THE POINT IS I FORGAVE HIM. Forgive the caps lol. But still the point is I forgave him. And so he told me its not the same thing because he was forced into a marriage but I told him BUT YOU STILL LIED TO ME FOR 11 MONTHS and got married while we were together. And so for this online only fling that I had with this guy back in jan, he can't forgive me? I sent naked pictures to that guy and he to me but he can't forgive me for this? There was nothing physical. He can't forgive me for this? But the backlash to this story is, after seeing these pictures of me with this guy, he relapsed on drugs and is sick was in the hospital for this. What do I do


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Prescious said:


> *No he divorced her then married me because they never got along but no he does not see his child because in india if you divorce the wife you divorce the child too. There is no co-parenting in India*. So while I was in a relationship with he, he went back to his country and secretly got married to a woman they had for him and he never told me and kept in a relationship with me all that time. He confessed 11 months later but I forgave him for marrying her and having a baby with her but he can't forgive me for this online thing? You understand the story now?


*This is not true*. There is co-parenting (AKA joint custody) in India.
Child custody law in India: a litigant perspective. - The Hindu

Articles about Joint Custody - Times Of India

Does India have joint custody laws for Hindus? - Yahoo! Answers India

http://blogs.rediff.com/ajay-gautam/2011/08/08/child-custody-in-india/


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## rogerqbah (Jul 29, 2013)

I don't think I ever saw a story like yours on this forum.


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

Prescious

He is looking at the situation this way. You sent naked pictures to another man. This OM is seeing what only your husband should see and he feel betrayed. To me, not only is it a sign of disrespect but it is cheating. I know that from what he did by marrying another woman while with you is ...........boy I can't believe he did that was a hurtful thing to do to you and that's putting it mildly.

I've said this before when I read about sending nude pics on line and I'll say it again. What if this guy you sent them to decides to post them so anyone can see them? There are consequences for doing something like that. 

As far as your husbands reaction, I would let it rest and let him cool down some. Then maybe you both can get the help you need to put your marriage back. I hope that you can work this out and I hope that your husband can see that he doesn't walk on water either. What he did was despicable and it seems he will not accept responsibility for what he did. It's a whole lot easier to point a finger at someone else when they make a mistake than looking in the mirror and taking responsibility for his own 

One more thing. I honestly think that your husband and his family are racist. It would be nice if people would stop judging people by their skin color. I can't and wont tolerate racism.


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## A++ (May 21, 2012)

Prescious said:


> Is what I did really so so bad compared to what he did and I forgave him?


Yes, cos you promised when you made your marriage vows that you would be faithful to your husband and then you broke the promise and betrayed him.


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## life101 (Nov 18, 2012)

Prescious said:


> No he divorced her then married me because they never got along but no he does not see his child *because in india if you divorce the wife you divorce the child too. There is no co-parenting in India. *So while I was in a relationship with he, he went back to his country and secretly got married to a woman they had for him and he never told me and kept in a relationship with me all that time. He confessed 11 months later but I forgave him for marrying her and having a baby with her but he can't forgive me for this online thing? You understand the story now?


You have no idea what you are talking about. Look at the links MattMatt provided. It shows that you didn't bother to educate yourself about the culture and country that your 'beloved' came from. It is a pre-requisite in case of inter-cultural relationship and you failed that test.

Now, the issue at hand. Your first mistake was to take the man back after you discovered that he got married and had a child. He had the option to say no to marriage but he didn't. And don't give me any bs about the family members force you to marry whomever they want to in India. They don't, not anymore, at least in 95% of the cases. I know, I grew up there. And if you stay outside of India, they pressure is even less. Getting married was his choice, and then he cheated on his wife. You were the OW. He did dishonorable things and you were a partner in that. We all know the drill: if he cheats with you, he will cheat on you. You cheated with him, and then you cheat on him.

You have boundary issues. Why should your H forgive you? What have you proved to be remorseful? We get married to be with our partner for better or for worse. Being lonely doesn't give you the right to paste the internet with the pictures of your privates. You get divorced and then you flirt with others.

You two need IC and MC. You need to decide what you want from each other. You need to decide whether you two can trust each other. 

I have suspicion that he feels immensely guilty for abandoning his child. Your relationship cannot survive if he doesn't address that issue. Start IC and MC as soon as possible. Both of you.


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## AngryandUsed (Jun 23, 2011)

He is a drug addict.
He lied to you for 11 months, while in relationship with you.
He married someone, divorced, has a child.

You forgave him easily in 2 days! Unbelievable.

Why you want to be with him?


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## mtpromises (May 27, 2013)

Arranged marriages in India are the norm. If your husband is able to look past his family and their issue with your race that should be enough for you. I've been involved in interracial relationships and yes they can be very challenging.

It looks like you both went through great lengths to get married and be together. However the man is addicted to drugs. Is he using needles? Have you both been tested for STD's and HIV? 

What will he do when he comes to the states besides have even better access to illegal drugs? You know that if he gets wrapped up out here in drug or criminal activity here in the US they can deport him right?

Is this situation really worth your time, money, and effort?


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

What you did was a VERY BIG DEAL!!!! You are trying to rug sweep your affair and pass it off as not a big deal.

If my husband did this to me, I pack the kids and my things to move elsewhere. I would immediately file for divorce.

You have to understand your husband is very hurt you had an affair on him. There is no excuse to why you chose to do this. In order to move on you must take full responsibility and he may never trust you again.


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## workindad (May 7, 2011)

Op I don't understand the coparenting comment 

Have you looks at Matt's response to you. 

Is he bs'ing you on that issue.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

You can't do anything.

You chose to forgive him.

He may or may not choose to forgive you.

Guess you need to wait it out.

If you get lonely while you're waiting, you know what NOT to do.

Why did two different people write that they never read a story like this on the forum?


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