# Just Friends or More?



## pikakeflower (Feb 14, 2011)

I've been married 8 years and have 3 children. We are seriously considering separation/divorce for a number of reasons: lack of intimacy & communication, drinking, and anger issues. We've been at it since November 2010. 

Here's the latest development: my husband has become good friends with his coworker whom he is supervises. She is 17 years younger than he and is married. She and her husband have come to our home a few times socially. They are separated and supposedly going through a divorce. My husband and she seem to talk and text more often since they started working together. 

One day while we were shopping, she called him to talk during her 10 hour drive home from Arizona. I initially thought that was strange, thinking why doesn't she call her friends or family instead of her boss? Being uncomfortable with this, I looked up the cell bill when I got home. I discovered the duration and frequency of the phone calls. I confronted him and he was upset that I was checking up on him and claims there is nothing between them. My husband claims they talk a lot about work and he says he enjoys talking to her. He says she gives him attention that I don't give him. He has never cheated before and has always been honest. 

My birthday was last week and he took me out to dinner. I was getting birthday texts, but not answering them. He seemed to be annoyed with that and I told him I should be entitled since it was my birthday. When we finished he said he would get the car to pick me up at the door while I used the restroom. When I got out, he was still parked and was texting her, so I ended up walking to the car. I know this because I checked the bill again. I confronted him and he still claims he's telling the truth how there is nothing going on. 

As we are trying to separate, he's having a hard time finding a place on his own. He's considering becoming roommates with her now. I told him I didn't want him to as long as we were married. He says he doesn't have much of a choice. WTF? Am I not understanding this and making this more than what it is? Is he trying to hurt me for not giving him the same attention or the issues in our marriage? He acts like he's doing nothing wrong and is not changing this behavior to make me feel more secure. 

Help me out here, anyone? I need to hear your insights, please.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

More. Unfortunately, she is probably the reason you are having some of the issues in your marriage anyway. I'm not sure what part of the country you are living in, but where I live there are plenty of places to rent. Due to sluggish house sales, many people are electing to rent their houses out. This has drastically increased the number of rentals in the area. And many places have even cut rent in half. Your husband's excuse on that one isn't going to work.

Are there any rules where your husband works about having relationships with co-workers? Especially since he is a supervisor to this woman? Most places won't allow such behavior because it could put the company in a position for a sexual harassment lawsuit.


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## bluebird20 (Feb 7, 2011)

I think that is crazy and unacceptable. There must be other living options. I also agree that it is an issue not only for your marriage but for a boss and employee relationship. I don't know how you can get the message across better to him though if he is trying to convince himself and you that this is ok.


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