# Two Day Separation?



## kgirl (Sep 5, 2012)

Well... last night H went to stay at his sister's for a couple days. 
We had the big talk Saturday night, how neither of us are happy, havent been for a long time (over a year) - (only been married a year and 4 months) and that maybe we should separate. Were nicer to each other, kinda bittersweet, after the talk, but, like, in limbo. So, yesterday, I asked what his thought process was now, same as Saturday? And, he says yes and no, he's back and forth. I told him I didnt want to just stay in limbo tho and he tells me he's had clothes in the truck since Saturday and he'd just go to his sister's after work. ok... and he says he'll be there a couple days. Tuesday night and Wednesday night. Ok... Is it just me or is that weird? Two days for a separation? What can you tell in two days? :scratchhead:


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## kgirl (Sep 5, 2012)

Ok... getting ready for work and realized he left his toothbrush, antiperspirant... razor, everything is here. 
Could have just forgot. But, what will his solution be? Come by and get it? I sure hope so. Now, knowing we are tight on money, I dont think he'd just go replace it all. 
If he does neither... then... eeeeuuuuuuwwww. GROSSSSSOOOO! Tuesday morning to Thursday night without? Oh NO. You think you be comin home that way? No, that will make up my mind FOR ME. Cleanliness never really was his thing. Not a priority. I always had to say, "you gonna take a shower?" UGGHH.


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

kgirl,

It sounds like the two of you may have jumped into marriage way too early and it's not waht the two of you thought it would be.

The two of you will need to talk about what you each want. Only then can you decide if you can go on or should split

Has any MC been tried?


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## kgirl (Sep 5, 2012)

No we have not tried MC.


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

Are both of you interested in saving the marriage?

If so, I'd give MC a try!


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## This is me (May 4, 2011)

Absolutely try MC. Much easier that D.

By the way, we all have ups n downs in marriage. Some earlier, some later. I truly believe it only takes one in the relationship to change the whole dynamic. Good ripples in the pond.

We live in a selfish world today and selfish never works in marriage that is part of the reason the D rate is so high.

I believe if you both shared a love getting into it, MC is a good way to work through these rough times and rekindle it. Agree to only work with a MC you both think will work or keep looking. You must both be comfortable with the one you chose.


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## kgirl (Sep 5, 2012)

I dont think we can afford going to counseling. Well, I know we cant. We cant afford anything extra right now. Really struggling financially.


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

lgirl,

Perhaps some self-help books from the library? Perhaps start with books about communication since I do think this is the base of most marital issues


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## kgirl (Sep 5, 2012)

What if I'm not sure I want to save it? He's been gone since Tuesday and I'm not in agony... I dont miss him. I'm kind of excited about the hope I feel at the chance of a new start... I dont feel the stress... I dont know, just feel... free. What then?

He said he'd be back tonight. Still not sure how short of a period tells us anything. If I fully loved him like I should, wouldnt I miss him? want him home? I'm dreading tonight and whatever he's come up with to say or do...


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

Kinda sounds like you may have checked out already

Any thought to why you first feel for him and what the two of you could do to try and re-kindle that?


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

kgirl,

After some reading of your other thread, it is also apparent that you're on a slippery slope because you've been day-dreaming about a former love.

Please be careful how you handle this moving forward. Do not get involved with anyone until you resolve your current issues one way or the other


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## kgirl (Sep 5, 2012)

Well, honestly, he's nothing like he was when we dated. He took me places, we went out, did fun things. He talked to me... all the time... always communicating, saying romantic things, we'd IM for hours into the wee hours of the morning. He just sits, says nothing, I can't just sit. I like to talk. No communication. At all. Big issue. Cant get away or do anything because of finances. Big issue. He lies about stupid things and gets mad if I question it. Well, and important things... like when he quit his job and said he got fired. I can't stand to be lied to. That, and not supporting me, I feel the man should provide. Or at least work. He didn't , for so long, almost a year. Call me old fashioned. And, I have to be in charge of handling ALL the bills, for the household and my store. He just doesn't think about it. But, all that caused me to lose respect for him. A man needs to be respected. But, all that stresses me. I'm not all lovey-dovey sexy feeling when I'm under all that. Which is totally unusual for me, I'm a very passionate, sensual person. Thats weird to me too, just no attraction to him. At all. So, that's alot of it. And, of course, if he's wanting sex and I'm not, there are instant problems.


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

kgirl,

Again, be careful about what you are seeing in the light you seem to be using.

I would guess that he may have also shut down in response to something. Why did he quit the job?

To be honest, I think you're done. I would tell him you're seperating and will be starting divorce preceedings immeadiately. You don't sound interested in all at trying to save this. Just be fair and equitable so the two of you can move on without hating each other


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## kgirl (Sep 5, 2012)

Toffer said:


> Why did he quit the job?


Before we met he was to relocate to my town. After we were dating/engaged, that deal fell thru, he had already trained someone for his position and did not ask for placement somewhere else within the company, just walked away.


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

Again, why?
Did he not like the job?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mrstj4sho88 (Sep 5, 2012)

Sorry you sound like you're done with him. You want out of this marriage . You don't have to make excuses anymore. You never got over your ex.. Plus you don't want to be the bread winner in this marriage. You have lost all respect for your husband.


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## kgirl (Sep 5, 2012)

Toffer said:


> Again, why?
> Did he not like the job?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I don't know. That's all I got out of him. No, as far as I know he loved the job.
I don't know...didn't make sense to me either. I was surprised.


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## kgirl (Sep 5, 2012)

mrstj4sho88 said:


> Sorry you sound like you're done with him. You want out of this marriage . You don't have to make excuses anymore. You never got over your ex.. Plus you don't want to be the bread winner in this marriage. You have lost all respect for your husband.


Yes... I guess so. And, I guess I got what I wanted. He left again. Doesn't mean that it doesn't still hurt.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Be cautious about getting back together without actually resolving the issues. It's very easy to sweep things under the rug, only to have the resentments and frustrations continue to grow and fester. And then erupt to the surface, most likely after kids and mortgages have bound you even closer together.

C


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## kgirl (Sep 5, 2012)

PBear said:


> Be cautious about getting back together without actually resolving the issues. It's very easy to sweep things under the rug, only to have the resentments and frustrations continue to grow and fester. And then erupt to the surface, most likely after kids and mortgages have bound you even closer together.
> 
> C


Thank you. That is great advice. I appreciate that. We talked some about that, how resentments had already been festering, in both of us, so, you are absolutely right. And at this point, neither of know how to resolve any of it.


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## mrstj4sho88 (Sep 5, 2012)

kgirl said:


> Thank you. That is great advice. I appreciate that. We talked some about that, how resentments had already been festering, in both of us, so, you are absolutely right. And at this point, neither of know how to resolve any of it.


I think you both need to go to MC.


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## kgirl (Sep 5, 2012)

mrstj4sho88 said:


> I think you both need to go to MC.


We talked about it, both wished we could. But, we didn't have the money.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

kgirl said:


> Thank you. That is great advice. I appreciate that. We talked some about that, how resentments had already been festering, in both of us, so, you are absolutely right. And at this point, neither of know how to resolve any of it.


Well, I'm speaking from experience. I had a separation in my marriage, about 4 years in. I think I moved out for less than a week before I came back. But other than just an "I'm sorry", nothing was ever really resolved or discussed. Then, about 10 or 12 years later, things crashed again. And this was after, as I said, kids, mortgages, etc. much more difficult to separate things at this point. In hindsight, that moving back in was the single largest regret in my life.

And if you think counselling is expensive, wait till you price out a divorce...

C


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