# Wife offered a job, husband frowns



## SadDaisy (Sep 16, 2015)

My friend and her husband have been married for years. Two kids. She is a lawyer, and he is a university professor.
Incomes are similar. Both spouses make similar contributions as far as children.
The husband plays soccer Wednesday evenings and Saturdays.
My friend was offered to teach a class one evening a week. She is not in need of extra money. She has been told many times that she had missed her true calling of being a teacher. She is patient, explains things well and would like to teach a course at the university mostly for pleasure.
The husband is not in favor of this, as he says her teaching a class would cut into their "together time". 
She has had previous opportunities which were similar, but has declined the offers in the past. This time, she would like to go ahead and try it out.

I told both of them openly, I would encourage her to take this part time position. She goes to the gym, but other than that she spends her free time at home. 

They are a happy couple and seem to communicate well. I plan to keep my mouth shut and to not add anything to what I have already said. 

What is the opinion of the forum on this issue?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

How much actual quality time do they spend together right now each week? I mean time alone with each other?

How much less will they spend if she teaches the class? There will be class time and then preparation, grading, etc.


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

Consider it her hobby.....just as he has soccer. Plus, it's always a bonus in life if you are able to do something you love. It makes you grow as a person, can help you to feel more satisfied (even if you already are), and who knows how you touch someone else's life? 

Things happen for a reason....we don't always get to know the reason. But if she can touch someone's life in a positive manner, why not?

I think her H is being selfish. He really has no reason to ask her not to do this. Unless there is more that we don't know about.


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## Emerging Buddhist (Apr 7, 2016)

She should test the water... a husband should be proud that she can give like that, truly mentoring other is a gift to be shared, especially only one night a week.

If they had commitments the other 4-6 other days that took each other away from couple's time it would be a problem, this by how you posed it does not seem to.


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## Vega (Jan 8, 2013)

SadDaisy said:


> The husband plays soccer Wednesday evenings and Saturdays.
> 
> My friend was offered to teach a class one evening a week. The husband is not in favor of this, as he says her teaching a class would cut into their "together time".


If the husband thinks that teaching a class one evening a week will interfere with their "together time", then perhaps he can play soccer only one evening a week while she teaches one evening a week.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Academic escapee to industry here. If she's happy with her career and money's not an issue, what's the motivation for taking the job? Adjunct pay is generally awful. Is it networking? Changing specialty? Preparing for something big? Not sure I buy the "likes to teach" part, in fact most adjunct faculty hate their life... Nothing dispatches desire to teach faster than that...

What type of school? We talking T14 or T140? How's her life work balance? (Lolz)... How's her work? Is she partner? Partner track?

Short answer... If she likes teaching, she'll hate adjuncting because it's not "real". You're just a number. I may try it for a semester, just to see. 

Both me and my wife escaped academia with the requisite sheepskins but had no inclination to teach, part or full time. I did teach a couple undergraduate courses and was good at it, but it was not for me. 

Tenure is a harsh mistress 






SadDaisy said:


> My friend and her husband have been married for years. Two kids. She is a lawyer, and he is a university professor.
> Incomes are similar. Both spouses make similar contributions as far as children.
> The husband plays soccer Wednesday evenings and Saturdays.
> My friend was offered to teach a class one evening a week. She is not in need of extra money. She has been told many times that she had missed her true calling of being a teacher. She is patient, explains things well and would like to teach a course at the university mostly for pleasure.
> ...


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## SadDaisy (Sep 16, 2015)

I have no idea about the details.
They spend at least three evenings a week together at home.
Agree with all posters.
The husband is a professor at same university. I wonder if there is something going on there that he doesn't want her to know...

I have another friend, a PhD virologist, who left his lab in order to teach at a college full time. He loves it.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Academia is not the answer if you're not in a hot area. With a PhD in Cognitive Psychology from a decent state flagship school I could teach but the politics involved for tenure are bewildering. My area is too industry specific. Likewise for my wife (Applied Mathematics). 

Is the husband teaching law? That could be strange. If he's teaching biology, not so much. Politics are quite localized.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Is he jealous?

Or is he nervous about her entering his world in case she hears or sees stuff he wants hidden? 

(Hark at me! Mr Cynical? Is that what several years of being at TAM does for you? Nope! It's just being a keen observer of human nature.)

If he wants more time together, he could cut one of his football sessions out?


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

john117 said:


> Academic escapee to industry here. If she's happy with her career and money's not an issue, what's the motivation for taking the job? Adjunct pay is generally awful. Is it networking? Changing specialty? Preparing for something big? Not sure I buy the "likes to teach" part, in fact most adjunct faculty hate their life... Nothing dispatches desire to teach faster than that...
> 
> What type of school? We talking T14 or T140? How's her life work balance? (Lolz)... How's her work? Is she partner? Partner track?
> 
> ...


Maybe it would be like a hobby with a bit of compensation thrown in?


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

That would be my thoughts too... But it really depends on what they pay and how she's supported (ie teaching assistant). If she has to grade 60 papers once a week it gets ugly.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

My father has a guest professor spot at the local university. He teaches one class a week relevant to his particular field of expertise. They don't offer his class every semester due to the small department size, so he generally only teaches 2 semesters a year. He's otherwise retired, enjoys teaching the class and interacting with the students, and his classes are small so the workload isn't onerous. He loves it! And they pay him to do it! 

That said, I can't see why the husband in the OP's scenario is so opposed to his wife trying her hand at professorship. If it turns out she hates it or it's a major time/energy suck, then she doesn't have to continue past the initial term she agreed to. She's basically being paid to test out a potential future career while keeping the stability of her existing one. I, too, would be concerned that it's her presence within his domain he's concerned about, more than the loss of couple time.


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## straightshooter (Dec 27, 2015)

None of us nor you have any idea what the real dynamic going on inside their house is. Any opinions here are just speculation with very little facts to base it on.

If she is your friend, I would stay out of it and let them deal with it.


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## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

straightshooter said:


> None of us nor you have any idea what the real dynamic going on inside their house is. Any opinions here are just speculation with very little facts to base it on.
> 
> If she is your friend, I would stay out of it and let them deal with it.


:iagree::iagree::iagree:
I am amazed at how quickly some people on this forum will attack a spouse based on so very little information. I almost expect someone to start suggesting divorce because they feel that the spouse is "selfish" and controlling. Never mind that the OP stated that "They are a happy couple and seem to communicate well."


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

Maybe she can try it out this semester and see how it works out for their "together time" instead of rejecting it on the possibility that it might cut into their together time. If it causes issues, then she doesn't have to do it next semester, or maybe he can cut back on some of his activities to give them more together time.

Most people regret the opportunities they pass up and the things they didn't try more than the things they have done.


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## SadDaisy (Sep 16, 2015)

I am staying out of it...


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## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

SadDaisy said:


> I am staying out of it...


Best decision you could make.


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