# Please help . . .



## gingerb (Jan 21, 2008)

I have been with the father of my children for nearly 4 years. We have a son who's nearly 3 and a daughter that was born in November. I just found out he is bisexual and has been cyber cheating with multiple men for almost a year (during my entire pregnancy). I know he's in love with me and he says he only wants to be with me but I can't understand why he would do this to us. I can understand that he's bisexual and looks at gay porn as an outlet . . . as hard as that is for me. But to know that he has been having explicit chats and sharing pics and videos is too much. To me that is cheating. I am so sick about this. I have no idea what I am supposed to do or say to him. I feel like my life has been turned upside down. I can't eat or sleep and I feel like I'm dying inside. I believed this man loved and only wanted me for the rest of our lives. He wants to work things out. Can anyone tell me how we can do that? I need help.


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

If he wants to work things out then he needs to respect you. You need to COMMUNICATE to him that his online life affects you in a negative way. Tell him you can not talk at him he needs to listen to what you are saying. Point out he knew it was wrong otherwise he would not have hide it from you.

draconis


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## emate1209 (Jan 17, 2008)

Hi Gingerb,

I must say that this is an extraordinary case. I agree with Draconis that you need to chat about this openly with him asap.

But having read your post I'm wondering if this situation will require some professional help. 

You mentioned that he wants to work things out but turning to cyber relationships with men may require a deeper understanding of his personal situation hence the suggestion of a professional.

Is he or are you willing to seek outside help on this issues?

Cheers


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## Delphi (Nov 28, 2007)

No wonder you feel devastated. I'm sure he loves you but if he is bisexual it is part of his nature, a part of him, like the colour of his eyes, and is not likely to change. Even if he promised to stop I'm sure eventually he would be compelled to act on his urges. 

So the options are limited. You either accept his behaviour or not accept it. I'm sorry, that sounds so blunt but I can't think of another solution.


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## username (Jan 14, 2008)

I can't speak to your specific problem at hand, but perhaps just offer some support. You WILL get through this, one way or another, with him or without him...i know that the initial shock can turn you upside down, and that is something probably a lot of people on this site have experienced. I am beginning to realize that hardly any relationship is without its complications - especially the longer you are with someone or the more you get to know them... Just know that you will get through - every day the shock will wear off and you will regain your strength to move forward and deal with the situation. In the meantime, try to tend to yourself and make sure you eat well (i know you probably don't have much of an appetite but you need your strength), exercise if you can work it in (so good for your mental health, as well as physical) and sleep (again, probably difficult but try and exercise helps with this too). Hang in there and be strong.


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## gingerb (Jan 21, 2008)

Thank you for the responses. I appreciate it very much as I am unable to talk to anyone about it. 

Things are very strange between us now. At first it seemed like it made us much closer. He seemed so blissfully happy and in love with me and I with him. Then he started having mood swings like me. He was depressed and distant on his days off with me. We have talked this out a million times and the more we talk the more I realize he is living a lie. I believe he's completely gay and I am a strange exception. He's sticking to his story and not budging. He says if I can't trust him then I should leave him. But it's really hard to believe someone you continue to catch in lies. First he's never been with a man, it's strickly a habbit on the internet. Now he admits to having a sexual relationship with a man not long before we got together. I wonder what else I don't know about. My instincts tell me to run like hell but I really do love this man. And I'm worried about what would happen to both of us if I took the kids and left. 

At this point I am praying I don't discover anything that is unforgivable. We DO need professional help, alone and apart. But we just lost our insurance and it's going to be several months at least until his new job offers it. So I'm not sure how things are going to be by then. My health is very poor. I have lost 15 pounds in less than 2 weeks. I feel like my entire life is out of control. And we were going to get married this year. Gotta face that now too.


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

I would doubt he is totally gay. He may never have wanted to tell you because he knew you'd acted exactly like you are now. 

draconis


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## sarahdale24 (Feb 3, 2008)

I think for your health and the health of your kids, if hes telling you that if you dont believe him then leave, then thats what I would do. You can still "love" him, but I would move on...are you not married...all the more reason not to get married


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