# I am a 38-year-old man, but now I just want to cry...



## humbleman (Nov 1, 2011)

My first post, and sorry for my poor English. I really wanna cry. I don't know what to do to solve my problems. I have been married for 7 years. My wife is a very good woman and she is almost 34. Before knowing my wife, I had a girlfriend and our relationship lasted 2 years. That girl was attractive and had a body shape which every man loved. And our sex was very great and I enjoyed that intimate relationship. However, our relationship didn't work out because of our personalities.

OK, then later I met my wife. She was a great woman. We got along very well. A few years later we got married. She is a devoted Christian. Before marriage, we didn't have sex. And her first time, of course, was after we got married. At first I found out that she wasn't "active" in the bed. It's just me kissing her and her body. She didn't get excited. She didn't have reaction. She was just lying down. The most she did was kissing my lips a little bit and hugging me. She had never watched porn, or sex magazines or anything. She never took initiative, not to mention oral sex. She didn't even have much juice. So I had a hard time trying to enter her body. OKOK...i did everything and she just laid down. In the first several years, it's like that. We had sex about 20 times in the first few years. Every time I used 10, 15 minutes trying to get into her body. It's alright as long as we finally had sex. 

However, these few years, things have become worse. She is still the same. I seem not able to hold.. i mean I don't really get turned on. Even we are hugging naked, i cannot get hard. So we cannot have sex. I am not sure if it's my problem now. However, when I am watching porn, I can get hard and masturbate and eject normally. Should I take some medicine? Any solution?

I feel sad. I know my wife is a very good wife. She didn't have any sex abuse in childhood or anything. We both want a baby indeed. I do feel guilty to be honest. In my mind I sometimes compare her to my ex who was great in sex.


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## Triumph (Oct 8, 2011)

Considering how your wife is in the sack, Im not surprised with your problem. Id suggest trying to open her up to new things, and get some spice in the bedroom for both your and your little buddies sake.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

I'll never understand why people would get married before having sex/
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

tacoma said:


> I'll never understand why people would get married before having sex/
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:iagree: Seriously.

Also, OP, get some lube. Some women simply don't make enough "juice". Depending on age and if she's had a child within the last few years, getting wet may be difficult. I cannot get very wet since my 2nd child...but that doesn't stop up. A little lube goes a long way.

She is Christian, so what was her childhood like? Was sex talked about as a "dirty duty" of a wife? Was she made to feel ashamed of her sexuality? These will all cause issues in adult life.


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## Hurra (Sep 13, 2009)

My wife is the same way. She wasn't like that before marriage so having sex before marriage doesn't always catch it. So don't beat yourself up over it. My wife doesn't do oral anymore, I have to take her hand and stroke my penis, but she won't continue doing it, and she stays lying down. She has been on top once in 2 years. I know I need to take charge but when I try she refuses. I know it will have to come down to a blunt conservation.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

I see this as a problem with a double-pronged approach. Since your wife is a devout Christian, the first prong is to appeal to her Christian side by really exploring what sexual intimacy within a marriage means according to God and to try and promote that understanding within her. With some study, she may actually end up being very surprised at what God has intended it to be. Here are some good resources for this.

I would recommend reading the entire series:

Sex and Intimacy - Focus on the Family

And for her:

Sex for the Clueless Bride

Amazon.com: Sheet Music: Uncovering the Secrets of Sexual Intimacy in Marriage (9782913356559): Kevin Leman: Books

The next prong is to concentrate on technique. Work on trying to get her in the mood throughout the day by engaging her emotions through non-sexual affection and conversation.

The question of the ages: How can a husband receive the sex he needs in marriage? by Dr. Willard F. Harley, Jr.

Then, get thee some lube (KY jelly, astroglide, or coconut oil) and spend much more time on foreplay with her - body massage, gentle bathing, touching/stroking/kissing to try and arouse her. Look at working on your technique.

Amazon.com: how to make a woman orgasm: Books

Be encouraging with her. As her husband, you have a great role to play in being able to lead her and encourage her and create a trusting environment where she can feel safe to open up.

Best wishes.


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## Zzyzx (Aug 24, 2011)

Diet can definitely affect male sexual performance. Part of sexual performance is being able to start and maintain the blood flow to the penis. Exercise can help. Supplements are OK but really have to begin with diet. Lots of literature searchable on the web, you may need to experiment to find what works for you. Generally takes time to see changes so be patient.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

tariq456 said:


> Talk to your wife about this matter why she did not compromise or enjoy sex . You face erection problem due to your wife less enjoying . 2nd thing your erection problem . Don't worry eat these things and no need to go to doctor .
> Banana
> Greps
> and some green vegetables every day .
> You will be fine may be in 15 days if you really have erection problem .


Now I know why the line in the produce was so long.


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## foxyone1986 (Nov 17, 2011)

Tayib... from a womans point of view:
She waas a virgin so of course she isnt knowing what to do also this can be why it was hard to enter her. As for the amount of wetness of her vagina, every woman is different some more wet than others. also you might want to try some foreplay with her, give her oral? or atleast play with her with your hands... give her some educational reading material about sex as well... dont be shy, she is your wife and you both need to educate yourselves and TALK about sex as well...

inshallah everything will work out for the best...


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## Arnold (Oct 25, 2011)

tacoma said:


> I'll never understand why people would get married before having sex/
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It is against some peoples' deeply held religous beliefs. I know I was taught all my childhood that it was sinful.

As for the poster's issure, if she will not talk about it and get help. you have to decide if you can do this, long term. If she is willing to try, then be patient.


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## Arnold (Oct 25, 2011)

chillymorn said:


> Now I know why the line in the produce was so long.


Yes, particularly in the banana and cucumber section(of course it was mainly females there)


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## quiddity (Dec 16, 2012)

Do you think perhaps she is a lesbian?


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## east2west (Oct 19, 2012)

It's been seven years. 

If this was ever going to change it would have happened a few years ago.

Don't get her pregnant even if you can.

Make sure the sex is good before you get married again.


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## IndyTMI (Oct 26, 2012)

I know exactly how you feel brother. You say you have no problem getting aroused by porn and can still crank them off by hand, so we know your working mechanically, I sort of had your issue after I realized my wife had no desire for me. I got such a resentment built up from her refusal to participate during sex, I almost left like I was doing a corpse and was not very arousing at all, I think it was my attempt to keep me from getting hurt yet another time. 
After some counseling and reading a few books, we both realize each others needs in the marriage and if they are not met, divorce is not out of the question. So far for me, after reading and running the MAP, and fully communicating what the outcome might be, things are looking up.


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## pidge70 (Jan 17, 2011)

This thread is over a year old and OP never came back.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## hernadorico (Dec 14, 2012)

I know it will have to come down to a blunt conservation.


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