# Wife wants to be employed with a sex offender?



## Swhistle (Jan 19, 2014)

Hello,

I am 26 years old, my wife is 24. We are newlyweds and very happy together. We have never encountered anything in our relationship we couldn't handle with communication. Both of us are quite reasonable and level headed. I trust her and to the best of my knowledge, she trusts me, however, a situation has arisen and I'm at a bit of a crossroad with this one. 

My wife rides horses and desires to go to professional shows. This is her dream and I support it 100%. We moved only a few weeks ago to a new area where she has more opportunity accomplish this dream. We discovered a show barn that seemed like everything she was looking for with one issue; the owner is a registered sex offender in the third degree. She was warned of this man by another barn she had an interview with, and from what we were told, he was arrested for having sexual relations with a 14 year old at age 29. He is 43 now, and I found many public records reflecting the sexual offense. He does have other public records available which include offenses for driving on an expired license, without registration, speeding, etc, but I am unable to verify if a subsequent offense has been committed.

My concern is that this large man (6'2 moderately overweight ~ 200lbs) will pose a risk to my wife and that it is a reckless decision to trust someone with this type of criminal history. I have voiced my concern to my wife about this and communicated all of my feelings and thoughts to her, but told her it is ultimately up to her what she decides as it is her career she is building. Despite the man's criminal record, my wife seems content on taking the job even though there will be times where she is alone with him both at the barn and in other states during travel to other shows. I am very uncomfortable with my wife being employed by this man, but it doesn't seem to phase her. Am I being too paranoid? Is it wrong of me to feel this uncomfortable about the risk? Should I trust someone with a criminal record with my wife? I've tried to reason with myself as to where these feels are comprised from and if they are justified and I feel as if there is nothing I can do. I don't mind if my wife works with members of the opposite sex, but what guarantee do I have that he will not commit the same crime again with my wife as the target? Do I trust her judgment and hope for the best?

Any thoughts?


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## SlyGuy (Jan 14, 2014)

depends if it was rape or not. You gotta find that out.


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

my thoughts are... 
you need to sit down with your wife and discuss what it will take for you to feel comfortable with her working with this man, if that is possible. if it is not, she should not be working with him because it will just drive a wedge between you two. 

every thing else doesnt really matter. personally, i would have my concerns as well. but, i would definitely expect my wife to take my concerns into consideration and not brush them off.

you need to deal with your fears somehow. if that means that she does not work with him, so be it. its what you need to feel safe. 

sit down and hash it out. if you two cant come up with something that will calm your fears, she shouldn't be working with him.


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## Maneo (Dec 4, 2012)

The crime happened over a decade ago. Nothing more recent other than a couple traffic violations? 
I'm not condoning his actions but was violence involved in the crime? Sex with a minor automatically makes you a sex offender. Not appropriate or excusable behavior but does he get condemned for life?


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## Swhistle (Jan 19, 2014)

Maneo said:


> The crime happened over a decade ago. Nothing more recent other than a couple traffic violations?
> I'm not condoning his actions but was violence involved in the crime? Sex with a minor automatically makes you a sex offender. Not appropriate or excusable behavior but does he get condemned for life?


It doesn't matter if it happened over a decade ago in my opinion. A rapist is a rapist. I don't know the facts though. So, like Slyguy said, I need to find that out first. I am requesting a background check on him. This state allows for forms to be filled out to request that detailed information for employment purposes. If he was just prosecuted for dating a girl significantly younger than him and the parents got involved then I could maybe understand that a little (even if it is a 15 year+ difference and is considerably wrong in my opinion), however, if it was rape, I have no compassion regardless of the amount of time that passed. 

In regards to his traffic record, the court case search I did on him for this state revealed more traffic violations. One of his offenses is driving on a suspended license. After noticing the 15 speeding tickets (7 of which happened within the last 4 years), his suspended license was likely due to speeding violations and suggests he has risky behavior that disregards the safety of others; especially on the road. I mentioned he would be traveling around with my wife for horse shows. What if he's driving like a moron and gets into an accident with my wife in the car?


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

It depends on a lot of factors...a sex offender can be anything from an 18 year old having sex with his 16 year old girlfriend (ridiculous), to a violent, serial rapist.

What was the context of the offence? Is he a rapist or did he just get caught out by a girl all done up who told him she was 18? 

There's a big difference between that and being a rapist.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

The sex offense by itself, over ten years ago could be over looked if he had remained completely clear since then. A string of traffic violations show a slight disdain for the law, for upholding society's standards and values. 

A 29 year old man having sex with a 14 year old? Sick sick fvcker! I have a 14 year old and yes I know some of them could pass for 16, they certainly can't pass for 18! But that was 13 years ago and maybe his understanding of appropriate behavior improved.

Best way to decide is to go talk to him and ask him about being a registered sex offender, in person. 

"You are a registered sex offender do many people take the time to ask you about it"
"Are you willing to to talk about it with me?"

Then you go take it where ever it seems natural based on how he responds. Registered sex offenders DO have to answer intrusive questions about carrying this label, it is part of their sentence and the right of citizens to ask them about it. The modern version of the scarlet letter.

Lastly, unless your wife is a teen ager...she may not be his style anyway.


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

He has paid for his crime, your wife was told upfront during the interview. Nothing has happened in the past decade. For all you know the man can be even chemically castrated. I would not worry, instead sign up your wife for self defense classes to help her out in any situation. If she feels uncomfortable then she needs to go through the appropriate channels at work and report it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

" One of his offenses is driving on a suspended license. After noticing the 15 speeding tickets (7 of which happened within the last 4 years), his suspended license was likely due to speeding violations and suggests he has risky behavior that disregards the safety of others; especially on the road. "

This is non of your business, I doubt your wife is dumb enough to get in a car with a reckless driver. You mention running a background check, again this is prying into his privacy. You know what you need to know. If you had an underage daughter working for him, it would be another thing.
_Posted via Mobile Device_

ETA: "This state allows for forms to be filled out to request that detailed information for employment purposes."

Double check this, you are not hiring him, so make sure you understand the law and it's clauses. It maybe for employers only.


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

I think his overall disregard for the law is the big issue, he obviously shows a lack of moral judgement and to think he will deal with your wife differently is risky. People like that think nothing of putting others in harms way and taking advantage when they can.

One other thing I am going to say based on my own experiences. My ex was heavily involved in the horsey world and spent a lot of long weekends away from home for rides. There is a lot of down time during those weekends and drinking was a big part of those evenings. Maybe that was just the crowd my ex hung with but when you mix alcohol and people with a poor moral compass (like the barn owner or my ex) bad things happen. 

Here's my thoughts.....training at his barn is probably no big deal, traveling alone with the guy probably not a good idea.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

Anon Pink said:


> The sex offense by itself, over ten years ago could be over looked if he had remained completely clear since then. A string of traffic violations show a slight disdain for the law, for upholding society's standards and values.
> 
> A 29 year old man having sex with a 14 year old? Sick sick fvcker! I have a 14 year old and yes I know some of them could pass for 16, they certainly can't pass for 18! But that was 13 years ago and maybe his understanding of appropriate behavior improved.
> 
> ...


I agree with everything you said here except the last sentence.

The problem with sex offenders is that sex crimes are not crimes of passion , but power. A perpetrator's preference can change with time, the only constant is power. As long as they are in a position of power , chances are very high that they will abuse it because they get a sexual high from abusing their power. It feeds their ego.

These type of men tend pick their victims on an energetic level. They will most likely pass over strong, confident, self assured women in favor of those who are lacking in confidence and don’t feel worthy. Hence a 29 yr old " taking advantage " of the nubile 14 yr old.

A rapist doesn't suddenly wake up one day and decide to rape.
Most times he would have had past minor indiscretions with the opposite sex , many of them go unreported.
It takes time and opportunity.
That's why I think that there is a sex offenders registry in the first place. 

Yes some cases on the sexual offenders registry might be ridiculous, but in this man's case , it was a serious offence against another person .

If by law a 14 yr old can't give consent for sex ,then that's statutory rape.He raped that child.
A man who has sex with a 14 yr old girl, is a man who has abused the innate power differential between himself and that child.

Therefore he could be very well capable of doing the same with any of his employees.
The relationship between a boss and his employees also has a permanent, innate power differential similar to that of an adult and a child, or a teacher and a student.

Another interesting thing is that these type of men tend pick their victims on an energetic level. They will most likely pass over strong, confident, self assured women in favor of those who are lacking in confidence and don’t feel worthy.


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

I think what Anon Pink is saying is that if he's a pedophile a woman of 24 years old will not interest him. Which is true. Based of the fact that the girl he did what ever he did with was 14, I assumed he was/is a pedophile as well. 

The OP is also calling him a rapist, but it's not established what the man even did. A third degree sex offender could involve minor issues such as a man urinating in public. 

The OPs wife should ask him directly. "I was told you are a third degre sex offender. Is this true and if so, can you tell me what happened."
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

mablenc said:


> I think what Anon Pink is saying is that if he's a pedophile a woman of 24 years old will not interest him. Which is true. Based of the fact that the girl he did what ever he did with was 14, I assumed he was/is a pedophile as well.
> 
> The OP is also calling him a rapist, but it's not established what the man even did. A third degree sex offender could involve minor issues such as a man urinating in public.


I understand what your'e saying.

However,he might not actually be a pedophile in the true sense of the word . He might not only be sexually attracted to underaged females, buthe might be a man capable of abusing his power over unsuspecting women.

Some men are wired like that. They sexually harass their female employees / subordinates ,and they use very covert means of achieving their ends.

So any female under their power is at risk, doesn't matter the age. The have no real sexual preference , power arouses them in the wrong way.


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

My wife is a RN at a location that houses some rough characters. She is aware of the dangers but she took the job knowing this. Does it worry me? Yes. But it's her choice.


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## ClimbingTheWalls (Feb 16, 2013)

I think that the OP should see if there are any other female employees he can speak to about what kind of an employer this man is.

It is worth bearing in mind that the source of the report is a rival barn. Not saying it is untrue, since it clearly isn't, but I wonder what their motivation was in drawing the OP's wife's attention to this. It is also worth checking what records can be accessed by potential employees. Mentioning it direct to the prospective employer could stir up a hornets' nest. As Mablenc has already pointed out it is possible that the OP's enquiries were not strictly in accordance with what he would ordinarily be allowed to access. Tread carefully.


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

Get the facts, don't go over board. Use your critical thinking skills, after you discussed it decide. It should be her choice, but she should consider your feelings.



This guy got caught doing whatever he was doing. But, lord knows who we deal with on a day to day basis. I think the both of you would benefit from learning about sexual harassment, self defense, boundries with different genders, how to change a tire, having a small amount of cash in case of an emgency ect.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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