# He says I don't love him enough



## Bubblegum25 (Jul 22, 2017)

*Cheating*

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## Imjustlearning (Feb 23, 2017)

Run. Very far away. 

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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Seriously? You want to fix an immature, manipulative man???? I don't know about this type of "love" you profess to have, but this guy isn't worthy of another second of your time. Both of you sound desperate. Sorry, but what is to love about a guy you're not even engaged to who is fighting with you about your stance on waiting for marriage? Can't you see this guy is desperate to glom onto you so he can be a mooch? Maybe his parents are tired of their baby boy taking up space in their home.

Going into debt for this loser is on you to fix. Trust me, what you feel is not healthy in the least bit. What is there to love about this jerk? Get your life and finances in order. Kick this man to the curb. Quit being a victim. Respect yourself enough to hook up with a decent upstanding man.

And count your blessings that you aren't married to this jerk. If you think things are tense now; well, just go ahead and marry him. But if you do, be forewarned that it will be a hell of your own making.


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## cc48kel (Apr 5, 2017)

I would be happy he is back in the states.. : ) Don't invite him over again! As for you, keep focusing on yourself. Job, schooling, friends and family.. The right guy will come when the time is right.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Nope. He's looking for a soft landing to get away from his situation. Don't let that happen. Time to move on.


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## Bubblegum25 (Jul 22, 2017)

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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Of course, his mother said that. She cares about what affects her son. That doesn't make it true.


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## Bubblegum25 (Jul 22, 2017)

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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

If he's capable of doing all of this on his own without your involvement then, maybe, he isn't using you. Otherwise, that's what it looks like to me.


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## Bubblegum25 (Jul 22, 2017)

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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Apparently he feels you're his ticket out. Make of that what you will.


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## Bubblegum25 (Jul 22, 2017)

Openminded said:


> Of course, his mother said that. She cares about what affects her son. That doesn't make it true.


Yes, but he claims others too agree that if I truly loved him I would have done anything to keep him with me. I wanted to see if there are people who think that I can still love him a lot but not want to marry him for the wrong reasons.

He doesn't see it like me. Waiting until our situation is more stable doesn't seem to be an option for him especially since he feels rejected for the 2nd time.


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## wringo123 (Mar 8, 2015)

Bubblegum25 said:


> Yes, but he claims others too agree that if I truly loved him I would have done anything to keep him with me. I wanted to see if there are people who think that I can still love him a lot but not want to marry him for the wrong reasons.
> 
> He doesn't see it like me. Waiting until our situation is more stable doesn't seem to be an option for him especially since he feels rejected for the 2nd time.


Why is it so important that you convince him that you "truly love him"? If he really believed you don't, why is he asking you to prove you do?

He is manipulating your emotions to get you to something you aren't comfortable with.

Next time he accuses you of not loving him enough just tell him he's right....you don't. Bet my bottom dollar he does a 180 and tries to convince you that yes you really do love him. 


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## Bubblegum25 (Jul 22, 2017)

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## wringo123 (Mar 8, 2015)

Bubblegum25 said:


> It's important for me. He is not asking me to prove anything as he is convinced I don't love him that much. He did have me tell my sister he is my new boyfriend and he says the fact I did it despite him thinking I would find excuses not to do it is the reason why he is still talking to me.
> Up to then I had never talked about him with my family as they didn't know I had left my ex for this guy.
> 
> My ex was my first guy ever and we had a long relationship and I left because he was doing things online behind my back. I found out thanks to this forum by installing a keylogger on his laptop. I had strong suspicions he was up to no good and the keylogger helped me realise how bad he was.
> ...


Run from this guy as fast and and as far away as you can.

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## foolscotton3 (Nov 13, 2014)

For a "man" who takes very little responsibility for his own life, he should re-think a marriage and family.

He doesn't love himself enough to provide for himself, don't tolerate him defining your love or your intentions because you won't carry his pathetic butt through life.

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## wringo123 (Mar 8, 2015)

Bubblegum25 said:


> It's important for me. He is not asking me to prove anything as he is convinced I don't love him that much. He did have me tell my sister he is my new boyfriend and he says the fact I did it despite him thinking I would find excuses not to do it is the reason why he is still talking to me.
> Up to then I had never talked about him with my family as they didn't know I had left my ex for this guy.
> 
> My ex was my first guy ever and we had a long relationship and I left because he was doing things online behind my back. I found out thanks to this forum by installing a keylogger on his laptop. I had strong suspicions he was up to no good and the keylogger helped me realise how bad he was.
> ...


I know that it is important to you that he believes you love him. What I am asking is why is it important to you that he believes it? Why are you taking responsibility for what he chooses to believe? All you can do is tell him the truth, you can't make him believe it.

He also knows that it is important to you that he believes you love him. That is what he is counting on. 



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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Bubblegum25 said:


> The plan was I married him and then he'd be able to work here. He wasn't gonna be a kept man. He is a good guy but being a macho type he didn't take it very well to be denied marriage. He perceives it as rejection. He spoke with people about this, his mother included, and they all told him they wouldn't have let the person go if they loved them.
> 
> The thing is I can't see any sensible person getting married when the situation is so unstable, especially financially.


How old are the two of you?

Does he have a college degree? Has he had any education above high school?

Why did he not have a job in the USA?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Bubblegum25 said:


> Yes, but he claims others too agree that if I truly loved him I would have done anything to keep him with me. I wanted to see if there are people who think that I can still love him a lot but not want to marry him for the wrong reasons.
> 
> He doesn't see it like me. Waiting until our situation is more stable doesn't seem to be an option for him especially since he feels rejected for the 2nd time.


You hardly know this guy. Most of your interactions with him have been over the internet. You two have spent very little time together in person. A couple should date, in person for 2 years before even becoming engaged. And then be engaged for another year before marriage.

Why? Because it takes that long of seeing a person almost daily to know whether or not you are two are compatible, to know if he's a good person, etc.

You are wise to not marry him yet.


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## Bubblegum25 (Jul 22, 2017)

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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

If he doesn't work where he is, how will he work where you are? What will change? And if it turns out that he can't work where you are, does he have enough savings so that you aren't supporting him forever?

Dealing with someone online, even to the point of arguing, is far different than dealing with them 24/7 in person. You may think you know him but it's unlikely that you really do. And if you want to marry him then you obviously need to know him as well as you possibly can.


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## Bubblegum25 (Jul 22, 2017)

s.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Bubblegum25 said:


> I live in Europe, but not my original country in Europe. I got involved online with an American guy around 3 years ago. Initially he lied about his appearance, his lack of a job, his living still with his parents well into his 30s. He came clean when he realised he really liked me. I never lied about my appearance despite not being in shape. I overlooked all that.


Why did you 'overlook' being conned by some loser who STILL lives at home with mommy because he can't get his **** together in his *LATE 30's*????

You want to know why he's shopping for women online? Because the women his age in the US *don't* want - or need - to take on a man in his late 30s who still needs to live with his parents, has done NOTHING with his life, and obviously doesn't even make enough to rent some tenement apartment like a big boy and fend for himself in the outside world. No woman in the US wants to take on a man-child to have to support and raise and THAT'S why he's *still* single. Lucky, lucky you.


> I wanted him to study before moving here so he could find a really fulfilling job for himself as well as having more chances to find a job but it didn't go like that.


Good luck with that. He's closing in on 40 and_ still _living at home. I don't know what you folks in Europe think of a man who does this, but here in the States, living at home at almost *40 years old *makes someone a huge failure. I couldn't help but laugh when you said he claimed 'not having a good job would mean he was a failure,' because he already IS one. He's literally had YEARS and YEARS to make something of himself and has instead chosen to do nothing while still sleeping in his boyhood room, letting his mommy cook his meals for him and do his laundry, and having a 'social life' by sitting on the computer because no one here wants anything to do with him.


> He says anyone would agree with him.


LOL. Sure. 

The smartest thing you ever DID regarding this loser is not marry him. Why on earth ANYONE would take on an under-employed, socially stunted fool like this is beyond me.


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## wringo123 (Mar 8, 2015)

Bubblegum25 said:


> Like I said he thinks if I really loved him like crazy I'd have married him and taken the risk. My efforts to argue this haven't been fruitful so far. He says my reasons are all excuses to hide the change in my feelings.


I really don't understand why you are arguing about it. If that is what he thinks, so what? You act like if he thinks you don't love him "enough"...whatever that means... it is the end of the world. You love him as much as you love him, if that is not enough for him, then he is free to find someone else.


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## Bubblegum25 (Jul 22, 2017)

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## Bubblegum25 (Jul 22, 2017)

wringo123 said:


> I really don't understand why you are arguing about it. If that is what he thinks, so what? You act like if he thinks you don't love him "enough"...whatever that means... it is the end of the world. You love him as much as you love him, if that is not enough for him, then he is free to find someone else.


Well I love him so if he thinks I don't and doesn't want anything to do with me obviously it's not ok for me. That's why it is so important that he gets to see I do love him despite the fact I haven't married him yet.


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## wringo123 (Mar 8, 2015)

Bubblegum25 said:


> Well I love him so if he thinks I don't and doesn't want anything to do with me obviously it's not ok for me. That's why it is so important that he gets to see I do love him despite the fact I haven't married him yet.


Bubblegum...your logic does not work...if he really thought you did not love him enough to marry him...and he wants to get married as soon as possible...*why is he still sticking around?*

he is playing the "If you love me, you will....fill in the blank" game. It is Manipulation 101.

In case you don't get it yet....you will never convince him unless you marry him.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Bubblegum25 said:


> I apologise if this is gonna get a bit long but I need to explain things well and they are a bit complicated already.
> 
> I live in Europe, but not my original country in Europe. I got involved online with an American guy around 3 years ago. Initially he lied about his appearance, his lack of a job, his living still with his parents well into his 30s. He came clean when he realised he really liked me. I never lied about my appearance despite not being in shape. I overlooked all that.
> 
> ...


Your gut is telling you not to rush into marriage with this guy and your gut is right. He has already lied to you, has no job or apparent prospects in the USA, what does he expect you to do, support him in your adopted country?

How did he expect to support you and any future kids? Has he an education? Sounds like he wants to sponge of you.

It will not work out, better to tell him so, cut your losses and move on to a real person you can establish a relationship with.


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## Bubblegum25 (Jul 22, 2017)

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## wringo123 (Mar 8, 2015)

Bubblegum25 said:


> I have explained all that in my subsequent posts. He was gonna do any job as soon as he could legally work in the country I live in. Like I said, he doesn't have a college degree. He left me money before he left so he wasn't using me for anything.
> 
> He says I am a liar instead (I explained a bit in one of my posts on this thread).
> 
> ...


I meant stick around in the sense that he is even engaging you on the subject at all. Honest men whose proposal has been rejected don't hang around and argue about it. They either move on or agree to give you some time until you are ready. Manipulators and liars keep pushing until they get their way. One way they do that is to guilt their victims and accuse them of things unfairly and mostly by threatening to end the relationship.

Next time he accuses you of not loving you enough to marry him asap, just remember that he does not love you enough to wait. 

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## Emerging Buddhist (Apr 7, 2016)

Being called a liar is not something to be taken lightly and very disrespectful... you are seeing some serious anger issues here in how he expresses disappointment.

I am not seeing a lot of kindness in this man you feel you love for... do you feel this is really the right choice for love?

Be careful this is not just the idea of being in love because truly being in love with yourself more important here.


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## Bubblegum25 (Jul 22, 2017)

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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

> He is not sticking around in person as he left already and is back in the states and telling me now he wouldn't marry me, that he doesn't want to see me ever again.


This calls for a celebration. :toast:

I'd be rounding up my girlfriends and going out to celebrate losing 180 pounds of worthless, man-child flesh.

You're too blinded by 'love' right now, but one day - and this is a promise - you're going to thank the stars above and *everything* that's Holy that you dodged this bullet.


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