# Trouble with my step-daughter



## seesah (Apr 26, 2012)

I have two step-children, a 19 year-old step-son and a 9-year-old step-daughter. I don't have any biological children. I rarely see the 19-year-old as he has a life of his own now (even though it means mooching off my MIL much of the time) and my step-daughter lives with us more than half of the time. I came into her life when she was 6. If she puts up a fight about something she often gets what she wants from grandma, grandpa, and mom. Dad will let her get away with some stuff but he knows where to draw the line. I work part-time (less than 10 hours a week) so I am the caretaker when she is at our house. I have noticed lately that she will argue with me about anything. The other day she started arguing with me that men can get pregnant and have babies (she has a good sense of humor but she wasn't joking). I've also noticed that I have to tell her to do things numerous times before she'll do it. This never used to be a problem and I haven't changed my parenting style. I don't know what the issue is. 

This morning I told her that we were leaving at 11:40 and that she needed to go take a shower and get ready, she asked if we could leave before that, I told her that I was finishing something up and I wouldn't be done before we had to leave at 11:40. She started putting up a fight and arguing with me about it. Eventually I told her "that's enough, I'm not arguing with you about this, go upstairs and get ready, we are leaving at 11:40." I've approached her like this several times and nothing helps. At 11:35 she started to get her paints out and I reminded her that we were leaving in 5 minutes and told her that she wouldn't have time to do any painting. She started arguing with me about that. I told her to put the paints away and I went upstairs to get something. When I came down she was painting. I told her the next time she disobeys me like that, she's going lose $1 from her piggy bank (a huge punishment for her).

Am I doing the right thing? It seems like nothing is working and it's incredibly frustrating! I've worked with kids a lot of my life. I've worked at daycares, my little sister was born when I was 15 so I helped raise her, and I dated a guy for 3.5 years who had partial custody of two young children. Any advice?


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Sounds like what I go through with my own children sometimes.

Kids really know how to be turds.


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Oy! So glad my steps are not young!

Honestly, this probably has more to do with her age than with you being a step-parent. She's going thru a phase, I imagine.

doesn't make your day any easier, though!


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## Ree (Jun 17, 2012)

*Have you discussed the issue with your husband?*


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## seesah (Apr 26, 2012)

Ree said:


> *Have you discussed the issue with your husband?*


Yes I have. He attributes it to her being able to get whatever she wants at her mom's, my mom's, and my MIL's. She's been spending a lot of time at my mom's as well this week. 

It's good to know that's a common thing amongst children in general. :smthumbup: I guess I missed that phase with my younger sister.


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