# Help Wanted!



## hurtinginAL (Apr 16, 2012)

Wife gave me the old "I love you & care about you but I'm not happy anymore" speech on Feb 28th. I did a complete makeover and things were better for a week or two. Then I noticed she had been texting her partner at work everynight for about a month between 7PM - Midnight! I was very upset and confronted her. She blew it off like "I can see where it doesn't look good." Then a week later I felt something wasn't right. I questioned her and her sneaky behavior (deleting texts & emails - she never did this before). She finally said she kissed him in Jan at training (she's a pharma rep). She said it was mistake and they realized it. (She had lost about 10 lbs and looked like she was suffering from guilt). Her partner and his wife are going thru a divorce and his wife is blaming everything on my wife. Things were great the next day...then she started putting up walls and blaming me for everything I had done wrong for 14 years of marriage. She wanted me to just drop it and said everything would get better. I felt like she wasn't telling me the truth...I did the one thing she begged me not to do...I called his wife to compare stories. My wife left out a few details like him being in her room when they kissed (told me they did on the way back from eating). I questioned her and she flipped. She left the house with our son and stayed at a friend's house giving me "Itold you to STOP! and you just couldn't" After 3 days I agreed to go to my mom's house so she & my son could stay at home. She told me she just need space. That I didn't listen and it had nothing to do with him, but all because she hasn't been happy in years. Now we've been apart for 10 days. I went by and saw her yesterday and she flipped! Mainly because his wife is a pharma rep too and she's telling everyone. She's afraid everyones finding out and she may loose her job and blaming it all one me! We went to counseling and walked out like a slaughtered lamb. She told him everything she thought I did wrong in our marriage, I didn't mention her deal. I protected her. She told me yesterday I need to give her space and leave her alone. She has said so many hurtful things. I have no idea how all this got flipped as my fault. I've lost 25 lbs and can't stop thinking about her. We've both been very Godly family type. She even texted me Easter saying "I haven't given up. I need time. The message today was very powerful." But yesterday she went off! I guess I have nothing left to do but leave her alone. Any advice?

Please pray for us...

By the way, here's the message she heard Easter sunday..."When Only A miracle Will Do"
http://www.churchofthehighlands.com/media/message/when-only-a-miracle-will-do#


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Having a unhealthy marriage is 50/50, so it both your fault. But the adultory is 100% hers. 

If she doesn't face the consequence what will prevent her from repeating this kind of behavior?

Honestly, I havn't heard one pit of remorse from your wife. She contiues to blameshift and has not owned her own crap in this affair.

Stay strong b/c you can not control your WW continued behavior in running away from the unhealthy choices she made.

Her infidelity is not your fault!

Can you see her rewriting the marriage history, the blameshifting, the lack of taking reponsablity, and avoiding the consequences?

Do not beg for your marriage, she has yet to show you true remorse. Yes distance your self and time will tell if she is truely remoresful or finds another man to validate her, all the while giving her space.

I will also tell you until you scare the crap out of her with divorce papers she will see you as the husband that lets her get away with her cheating and she has the control in the marriage.

Shift the power and serve her with papers, showing her you are confident enough to let her go, if she can not own her part in this marriage *and* except/face her adultoruos ways.

It all most seems like the affair is still going on but deeper under ground by the way she is acting.

man, she has no remores, stop being managed.


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