# What are your expectations?



## CallaLily (Jan 13, 2011)

What are your expectations from your partner in your relationship?

I see so many people say they expect this or that form their partner, and then when that person doesn't meet that expectation they get upset. 

Example, some people have the expectation their partner should remain physically fit and maintain a decent weight. Some people have said they don't have any expectations, so if something happens they are not disappointed. I can see that to a degree, BUT I think we all need to have some kind of expectations in a relationship. Even in a family with kids there should be some kind of expectations.

Maybe some people's expectations are unrealistic too.

So what are yours? If they go unmet, then what?


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

I expect honesty, kindness, and a team approach. Anything else can change but if we approach the topic honestly, kindly and together, we can resolve it. Health, sex, jobs, family... all of it.

Oh, and if I don't get honesty, I would expect a team approach to our relationship where we go to counseling to help open the doors of communication.

If I don't get kindness (he is, though, but if that changed...) or the team approach to life's challenges then I would honestly tell him I need that to feel loved and secure. 

If none of those changed, that would become a problem. Everything else can be worked through with the top 3, though.


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## wiigirl (Jun 14, 2012)

EnjoliWoman said:


> I expect honesty, kindness, and a team approach. Anything else can change but if we approach the topic honestly, kindly and together, we can resolve it. Health, sex, jobs, family... all of it.


:iagree:

....i would also add a general positivity towards things is important.








_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

I want a partner who thinks about me and us when she makes a decision. I need someone who has my back, lets me have hers, and will look to do things that make my life and our life better together.


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## trey69 (Dec 29, 2010)

I'm starting to not like the word "expectation" 

Maybe the correct word for me would be "hope" 

Examples: I "expect" my wife to remain faithful. (Does it mean she will, no) So all I can really do is "hope" that she will remain faithful. If she doesn't, then there is the door. 

Another example: I "expect" my kids to show respect to their mother, myself and others. (does it mean the always will, no) So far so good! 

I would "hope" they always do. If not, time to get to the bottom of whats going on.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

I expect honesty and fidelity - there will be no more chances in that regard. I expect affection and sex. I expect him to contribute financially and with deeds to the running of the household. I expect him to work on bettering himself and our marriage through the years. I expect recognition of milestones such as anniversaries and birthdays. I expect him not to let me down in any big way. And I expect that he expects all the same things from me.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

trey69 said:


> I'm starting to not like the word "expectation"
> 
> Maybe the correct word for me would be "hope"
> 
> ...


The word 'expect' insinuates a consequence if the expectation isn't met. The word 'hope' doesn't.


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## trey69 (Dec 29, 2010)

Hope1964 said:


> The word 'expect' insinuates a consequence if the expectation isn't met. The word 'hope' doesn't.


Regardless of what I call it though, there will be consequences.


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

To have no expectations is to set the bar very low, indeed. To have only hope is too lax IMO...so I expect the truth, honesty, equality in decision making...I expect help or services when I ask for it, whether that's a backrub, cleaning the dishes, or cooking a meal. I expect to be treated well at all times; no exceptions. I expect a healthy physical/romantic/sex life...I expect to return all of the above to my partner as well.


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

Hope1964 said:


> The word 'expect' insinuates a consequence if the expectation isn't met. The word 'hope' doesn't.


The first thing I think of when I see the phrase "to have hope" is that I'd be leaving things too much to chance. Because we can't always have what we hope for, can we?


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

I expect to be made happy.


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## trey69 (Dec 29, 2010)

I also said there would be consequences regardless of what I call it, and that, is the bottom line.


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## Writer (Aug 3, 2012)

I have the basic expectations. I expect my spouse to be faithful to me from now on, to not beat me, and not to force himself on me. Those are my dealbreakers. Those would automatically result in a divorce from me.

Also, to a lesser effect, I expect my husband to spend time with his daughter. He does this, however, because he doesn't want to be like his father was.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

trey69 said:


> I also said there would be consequences regardless of what I call it, and that, is the bottom line.


Yes, but by calling it a 'hope' you aren't communicating that to anyone else.


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## CallaLily (Jan 13, 2011)

Oh lawd have mercy!

Please do not turn my thread into who said what word and why one might be better the other. I don't care if its the word "expectation" or "hope" or any other is used. If trey used "hope" because thats how he sees it, fine! Its not a problem. Obviously the outcome of having consequences is the same!

Anyway, moving along......


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Okee dokee.


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## Jamison (Feb 10, 2011)

I expect to be a new grandpa any day now.  :smthumbup:


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

Sorry, Calla, but you asked what our expectations were ...

I'd 'hope' everyone would realize that...LMAO...!


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## Nigel (Mar 14, 2012)

I expect that I'll get what I deserve in life and with wife.


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## CallaLily (Jan 13, 2011)

Jamison said:


> I expect to be a new grandpa any day now.  :smthumbup:


CONGRATS! :yay:


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

CharlieParker said:


> I expect to be made happy.


No one else can make you happy. You have to be a happy person all on your own, first.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Job. Keep one.
Commitment to marriage and family, even if angry at spouse.
Good sex life (whatever we decide that is)
Responsibility with bills given to pay.
Honesty (even if it will hurt the other)


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

EnjoliWoman said:


> No one else can make you happy. You have to be a happy person all on your own, first.


Yes, very true, and only recently really a reality for me. I started saying to W "I love you, you make me very happy". Guess what changed? Me. Her getting herself happy helped a lot. I now expect us both to be happy, is that so bad? 

How do think it will go over if I say "I love you, you meet my needs and fulfill my expectations and you tell/show me that I meet your needs and I fulfill your expectations, and that fills me with a real sense of happiness".


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## Anonymous07 (Aug 4, 2012)

I expect my husband to be faithful to me and to always treat me with respect. I expect him to be honest and open with me, communicating with me about good and bad things. If those expectations are not met, then we talk about it. Lately he has been keeping many things(anxieties) to himself and would not open up, but we had a long talk and we're working on it together.


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## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

I expect him to be the man I, very carefully, chose as the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.

We discussed our views on sex, fidelity, children, religion, health and fitness, politics... etc.. from this I decided he was a good match for me.

Any major changes from these sort of fundamental ways of life need to be discussed and a new agreement made IMO.

Goes both ways of course.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

I likely have alot of expectations... but I expect *AS MUCH * (if not more) of myself.... so in this way, I hope to not sound greedy in my listing. Cause I surely don't feel we should expect anything if we are not giving of ourselves in return...in a similar measure. 

I wouldn't want to be with someone who didn't feel it necessary to live a certain sustaining enthusiastic "give & take" in a marraige... that would grow lonely, boring and passion-less. 

My expectations can also be turned around with a more pleasing sound & expressed as ...."How I strive to please my partner"....

*I expect from him & strive in expectation of myself .....*

*1.* To be listened too & considered (heard) in any/every decision we face in our marital walk /family.

*2.* To be comforted /held when I am feeling down -because we all have bad days, where we need our partner to help pick up our spirits.

*3*. To be forgiven of my weaker moments, as none of us are perfect, we miss it sometimes in words, or doing something just plain stupid. Not sweating the small stuff -comes to mind here. Showing genuine remorse when we miss it. 

*4.* Honesty in all things....Hiding/harboring any "secrets" that we know in our conscience will be hurtful to our spouse/ our union together. I feel THIS, if put into practice early on, is our best sheild to avoid a budding EA or anything close to going over a fence in marriage. A willing transparency to our hearts - vital -this I give freely to my husband - and want no less in return. 

*5.* I expect a partner who can live within his means financially. Not an overspender who is destroying our credit & putting us in bankruptcy. 

*6.* I expect a desirous happening sex life...We are both very sensitive in this area.... probably a blessing. Touch and physical affection is very important to me.









*7.* Responsibility / Keeping of one's word. I expect my husband and myself to be a person of integrity -if we speak it -we bring it to pass. If we screw up, we go out of our way to make it right again. In all areas of life...this covers many things!

*8.* I expect my husband to help with the kids homework -basically because he is better at it & the kids enjoy his help more. (no, this is not a big deal, just throwing it in) 

*9*. I expect us to both give consideration to our health, as we desire to grow old together hand in hand... to keep a reasonable weight -this also keeps the attraction flowing as our hormones are slipping, we need all the help we can get. 

*10*. I expect "Make up Sex" after every fight. No, just kidding but he might say this one was true ! ha ha


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

waiwera, SA, awesome! I expect myself to show my wife I feel these things and I expect her to understand I can't express it with words. My "expect to be made happy" was also partly my inability to put into words.

Brief aside, she was a journalism major, loves her Dr. dictionary word of the day email (while complaining about the words) and is not even a native English speaker. I consider myself smart but in a more numbers kind of way. I started to listen/hear her better after a fight where I screamed "USE LITTLE WORDS". Though of that this morning when I mention I had made a self deprecating remark, she said "Oh, big word", I smiled.


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