# how to get my husband back?



## Want2Know (May 13, 2011)

we got married 3 years ago, after the honeymoon, my husband travelled to an African country for work then he started his private business there. his own new business permited him to travel to our country on a frequently bases to see me. day by day our relation started to be so cold and too much troubles came to top. I decided to resign from work and leave my family and my country and come to this African country to be beside my husband and fix what's broken. Since I came (2 months now) plus 7 months since his last visit we have no sex, I have tried to send him hidden positive messages telling him I'm ok, I want you to encorage him but he is always pretend that he is tired, and he started to sleep in another room. I talked to him honestly and expressed my bad feelings of his ignorance and our ubnormal sexual relationship he replied everything will be good by time but i'm very sexual frustrated and feel jelese from other couples and want my husband back. what can I do? Should I wait again after those 9 months? shall I talk to him again? I feel very down and it's very painful to me to feel my husband doesn't want me and I started to feel that he doesn't love me.


----------



## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

Sorry about what you are going through now! 

There are quite a few bad things in my mind about your husband right now, hope I am wrong. 

When I see the word " Africa", I get worried. He had been alone for a long time, I am more concerned. 

He might be cheating on you! 

Or something worse, he might have sexual disease, he doesn't want to give it to you! 

I don't know how to help you dig out the truth! Hope other members here can help you with it!


----------



## Want2Know (May 13, 2011)

First of all, thx for the support.

I don't think he was cheating on me despite of it's easy and normal here ... he had a sexal relation with an afriacan woman before our marriage (he is working here before our marriage) and she was about to pull him into troubles by her pregnancy but she aborted herself. since then he decided to not go into such a relations and we got married.
Reagrding the Disease, yes I'm afraid but not from a sexual disease but I'm afraid that his sexual performance is got affected by Malaria infection (he got infected 7 times in 6 years) specially, he faild to performe twice during his vacation to our country 9 months ago.
Also, he is extremely stressed at work where I think those 2 reasons may had a big effect on him, and at the same time i think he is afraid to get close and fail again .... I don't know this is my analysis which I can't share with him, so I preferred to get support from you on how I should deal with him, how to pull our life to the right track.


----------



## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

Want2Know said:


> First of all, thx for the support.
> 
> I don't think he was cheating on me despite of it's easy and normal here ... he had a sexal relation with an afriacan woman before our marriage (he is working here before our marriage) and she was about to pull him into troubles by her pregnancy but she aborted herself. since then he decided to not go into such a relations and we got married.
> Reagrding the Disease, yes I'm afraid but not from a sexual disease but I'm afraid that his sexual performance is got affected by Malaria infection (he got infected 7 times in 6 years) specially, he faild to performe twice during his vacation to our country 9 months ago.
> Also, he is extremely stressed at work where I think those 2 reasons may had a big effect on him, and at the same time i think he is afraid to get close and fail again .... I don't know this is my analysis which I can't share with him, so I preferred to get support from you on how I should deal with him, how to pull our life to the right track.


Stress can definitely affect a person's sexual desire. Disease also affects a lot. It is really tough for you and him. Is his business doing OK. If it's not, that really gives a man pressure. 

It is difficult to tell a man not to stress himself out when he is career oriented. If he has a lot of stress from work, he does have to do some self studying to help him deal with his problems at work. Same workload, but different approach can still reduce his stress. 

For the disease part, if you cook at home and he eats only what you work, will that help? What's the cause of Malaria? Can you do anything to prevent that? 

For a man, when he is stressed and bothered, the most he needs is his wife's support, not her sadness. If she shows that she is not happy with him, it is adding more stress for him. But your concern is legitimate though.


----------



## Want2Know (May 13, 2011)

No his work is not going ok at all, I have to admit that i was a source of stress on him in the last period because I'm seeing the full picture from outside and feel that it will not work in this country and wanted to let him see it too it's very obvious.
Don't please blame me I know i was part of what we have reached now, but u can't imagine the insecurity in this country I thank God every day that we still alive, diseases is everywhere, I put too much effort to protect ourselves as much as I can, can you feel the pain when you stay in a house for 10 and 15 days with iron on doors and windows like a jail and when I complaint, the only place we can go is the small supermarket around coz no other place ..... 
Can you imagine my life .... 
However, I have tried to deal with the situation and change myself to be able to co-op.
All that I can bear with, but what i can't is when I need my husband and feel the refuse from him.... I miss his hug, and his touch!!! I'm tired more than anyone can imagine that's why I had a serious talk with him and expressed some of my feelings but unfortunately nothing has been changed.

Should I wait and talk again or what? and when we talk can I ask if he has any sexual problem?

Please help I'm so tired and I have NO one to talk with and get the advice.

Thx


----------



## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

Want2Know said:


> No his work is not going ok at all, I have to admit that i was a source of stress on him in the last period because I'm seeing the full picture from outside and feel that it will not work in this country and wanted to let him see it too it's very obvious.
> Don't please blame me I know i was part of what we have reached now, but u can't imagine the insecurity in this country I thank God every day that we still alive, diseases is everywhere, I put too much effort to protect ourselves as much as I can, can you feel the pain when you stay in a house for 10 and 15 days with iron on doors and windows like a jail and when I complaint, the only place we can go is the small supermarket around coz no other place .....
> Can you imagine my life ....
> However, I have tried to deal with the situation and change myself to be able to co-op.
> ...


I am very sorry if I sounded blaming you! 

No, I didn't blame you!

A couple of years ago some friends told me the situation there is very tough. Robbing and raping are rampant. I feel bad that you and your husband are stuck there. 

I feel that your husband is having a lot of pressure on him. He can't even cheer himself up, so it is very difficult for him to be aware of your needs. When men have financial burden, they have no mood for other things. 

I am sorry that you are being neglected by him!

If he is having stress because of financial reasons, don't know if talking to him will do anything.


----------



## Want2Know (May 13, 2011)

Thank you very much for ur time and advice.


----------

