# Need Advice ASAP



## RoaringMB (Mar 2, 2010)

Just a few hours ago, I found positive proof that my husband was having an affair - a facebook message to him from a coworker that said "I love you more than life, always". 

He's currently out right now, so I printed a copy of the message and I've laid it on his desk for him to see when he gets home. 

Now, exactly how do I approach this? Throughout my suspicious stage, I've thought that if I ever caught them, I would make it clear that one of them needs to leave the job. I know some of you will disagree, but I've decided that if he wants to work it out, I will do so (with obvious precautions) because of our children and finances. Should I stick to my guns about requiring that they no longer work together? Do we take it to his boss? Also, do I tell the coworker's boyfriend or confront her?


----------



## 63Vino (Dec 23, 2009)

Take some breaths. Sorry so much.
You dont NEED to react, especially in an emotional state.
As far as the boss goes. NO its personal. Unless there is sexual harrasment they are not your relationship police.

You need to figure out if H is going to get REcommited to you or insist on the separation. Simply demanding that he does not work with current distraction means nothing. Why IS there distraction? Focus on the why not the result. Meaning if he is prone to do this, its either he is simply that way (worst case) OR there is something missing for him in your marriage. That's the primary thing that needs to be addressed.

As far as tonight? yea. fine if he knows what you know at this point. Spend a few days contemplating "yourself" what you want to do.. give yourself some time. KNOW what you want to do. 
As far as confronting her? I dunno your H will need to be commited to you. My opinion is forget her. Deal with H.
This is the beginning of a long road. He will surely need to show the love to you and commitment. otherwise. you may decide to go in a different direction.


----------



## stillINshock (Apr 9, 2009)

Think first. 
Stick to your guns but be prepared for the worst case. 
Insist that one leaves the job. 
Again - GO AWAY even for the rest of the week. SOMETHING. 
Tempers will flare and he WILL resent you for making him break his heart about losing this FANTASY. 
But, it might push him over the edge. 
You know him best - and you know yourself best. Trust yourself and be strong.
Good luck.


----------



## stillINshock (Apr 9, 2009)

And can I just say... I'm so mad about what you're going through at this very moment that I'm sending TONS of energy your way. Weird, but in these desperate and completely frustrating situations its all I can do to help so am doing it.

Damn it!!!!!

P.S. in my earlier post when I said go away somewhere I meant WITH HIM - if he says he says he's committed to you.


----------



## stillINshock (Apr 9, 2009)

"I love you more than life." What fantastical crap. F her. 
Grrr.
Good luck Roar...


----------



## RoaringMB (Mar 2, 2010)

Thanks for the energy, stillINshock. Yeah, I know - "I love you more than life". Really, then why haven't you left your boyfriend?


----------



## russ101 (Jan 8, 2010)

Before you confront him get more proof! Believe it or not, he will try to deny it (he will say something like Oh she just talks like that to everyone, we are just good friends, etc.) You need concrete proof that he cannot deny. Get a PI or if you can't afford one, get a friend that he does not know to follow him with a video camera. Get keylogger set up, get voice activated recorders set up in his car, cell phone records, etc. Get so much proof before you confront, that he cannot deny anything.


----------

