# delayed ejaculation sucks!



## nader (May 4, 2011)

This is an issue I've had with my wife off and on for quite some time. This week for some reason it has gotten worse; I have no trouble getting in the mood and staying focused and erect.. it feels REALLY good to be inside her, but sometimes I just can't seem to finish.

There have been other times when I only last a minute or two. Sometimes I can masturbate in the morning and have no trouble finishing at night; other times I can go 2-3 days with no orgasm and still have trouble climaxing inside her. It's gone either way with or without a condom. Sometimes I'll just masturbate and then go back inside when I'm ready to come, but I don't want that to be the normal pattern.

Sometimes I think I need a little extra stimulation; my wife gives great head, but only when SHE is up for it, rarely when I ask, and NEVER after we start intercourse. I know she used to when we first met and we were switching positions, but when I bring this up she denies it.

From what I've read this can be really tricky to deal with. When I apologize and act embarrassed she says not to worry, etc. She acts like it doesn't bother her, but it is embarrassing and I'd like to not have this problem! Has anyone come across any good solution or technique to get past this?


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## nader (May 4, 2011)

anyone? I know I can't be alone in this...

eta: I am 31, she is 33, we are very much in love and lately are having sex 3-5 times in a week.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Sorry, Nader... Got no help, but looking for answers. I have similar issues, in particular with DE from receiving oral sex from my current GF. She's only the second partner I've had who's willing to finish me; the others were warm up only. Usually I/we give up when her jaw gets tired and just switch to intercourse, but that's not always her desire. It FEELS great, but I think my mind wanders too much because I'm a recipient, rather than being involved. Then I get thinking about how long it takes, and it goes downhill from there... 

On the other hand, I also take longer with her during intercourse too... And she's the most incredible partner I've ever had. But she hasn't complained about that yet, surprisingly... 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

Ah, remember when we were younger, and we felt like massive studs when we could last a long time?

Now, I wish I could just hurry it up and get it over with. Not the sex and intimacy, mind you-just with blowing my load.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

How delayed? Till you get callouses? More lube and stomp your foot on the gas pedal.


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## BigToe (Jun 2, 2011)

F-102 said:


> Ah, remember when we were younger, and we felt like massive studs when we could last a long time?


I can remember easily hitting the ceiling from a prone position on the bed.


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## OutdoorsRus (Oct 1, 2011)

Nader, this is something that doesn't go away and gets worse with aging. I am not sure if it is caused by a mental block. You may want to read a couple of other threads that are very similar to this one. Seems that this problem is more common than I first thought.


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## Threetimesalady (Dec 22, 2010)

This is something that a woman can make happen....I know...My husband is older...I am not talking about oral sex, but hot, come and get me baby sex....Some day I may feel real "gutty" and write about it...You see the woman does hold much power in her hands as her man ages...This is why it is important to keep such a hot sexual relationship going as you age...Take care...C


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## finebyme72 (Jul 12, 2011)

Nader, are you overweight at all?

If not it could be anxiety. I have some of those same issues once in a while. I find if I meditate occasionally it seems to help - then I am able to just enjoy the feelings. I also blame circumcision and lots of un-lubricated masturbation as a teen! :smthumbup:


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## nader (May 4, 2011)

funny this thread got bumped.. I've had the same problem, on and off and this past week has been a little worse. Circumcised, but rather comfortably so I don't think that's the problem. I have almost NO trouble finishing orally, if I can get her to that point. 

Lately if I masturbate that morning I have trouble finishing with her if we have sex that night. But sometimes we go so long between having sex that I cant' help but take care of myself.. and I never can tell if she is going to be willing or not, so it's the roll of the dice. This week I've refrained so I can save it for her, but she keeps turning me down at night and it is making me crazy! I've explained to her that I can try to quit jacking off, but in return she is going to have to compensate. 

Both of us could lose some weight, but I don't think that's it either.

My wife could be so much more enthusiastic.. most of the time she kind of acts like she is doing me a favor and there is very little true passion. she told me she hasn't really been interested in sex since we had the baby (he is 8 months now.) Sometimes she'll say something like, try and make this quick, or ok, you can stick it in me now - there is rarely very much interest or desire on her part. Once in awhile she will get really into it and those are times where I almost never have trouble reaching climax.

I don't think she understands the need that men have for release on a regular basis. this morning we were both up with the baby and once we got settled back down I wanted a handjob - she acted righteously offended that I would ask something like that of her at such an hour. We spent more time arguing than it would have taken to finish me off and make me a little happier. I asked later if I was wrong to ask for hjs or bjs and she said no.

I think those are the two main issues.. lack of communication about when to have sex which causes me to waste my sexual vitality prematurely, and lack of enthusiasm / willingness on DW's part  

There's stuff outside the bedroom too. I try really hard to be a good husband and father but sometimes get raked across the coals for stupid things like loading the dishwasher incorrectly, leaving the shower curtain open.. there is some ADD vs. OCD at play here, and I think we will need to talk to someone eventually.

We have our work cut out for us in and outside of the bedroom, but this forum has at least helped me with perspective. I see posters here who have it so much worse.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

One thing I took away from my pre-separation counseling was his expression "You can pay for it now, or pay for it later with interest". The interest in this case being the built up frustrations and resentments. My advice would be to talk to someone sooner rather than later.

Good luck!

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## coldshoulder (Sep 27, 2011)

nader said:


> My wife could be so much more enthusiastic.. *most of the time she kind of acts like she is doing me a favor and there is very little true passion. she told me she hasn't really been interested in sex since we had the baby (he is 8 months now.) Sometimes she'll say something like, try and make this quick, or ok, you can stick it in me now - there is rarely very much interest or desire on her part. *Once in awhile she will get really into it and those are times where I almost never have trouble reaching climax.
> 
> I think those are the two main issues.. *lack of communication about when to have sex *which causes me to waste my sexual vitality prematurely, and lack of enthusiasm / willingness on DW's part
> 
> ...


I had/have the same problem...but when you know she isn't into it, it effects your confidence and hence the delay...you eventually get there due to it feeling good, but if you hear the "...just get it over with..." type comments, it kinda kills the mood (even if you are really into it before hand)

What I have found out recently is that she is more *in the mood* in the middle of the day, so weekdays are mostly out...but bring it on the weekend, just need to keep the kids occupied for 20-30mins (  )...provided you have done the "foot work" before hand and she is willing...you just need to find out from your wifey when her "time" is...

As for the raking over the coals...pay attention to what she is expecting...close the shower curtain, put the toilet seat down & ask her how she likes to load the dishwasher...you are trying to make/keep her happy...and believe it or not, the show curtain thing is telling her you don't really care (or that's how she is probably taking it) She's not your mommy, she is your partner and is "testing you" to see if you are listening...and you're not...and that could be why she is feeling like sex is a chore (on top of dealing with an 8mo old all day...)

Good Luck man...

Later.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

I have to wonder if wifey is looking at her watch hoping you'll just god damn finish up already. So put a time on it; say, 10 minutes. If you're not finished in 10 minutes you're finished anyway.


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## nader (May 4, 2011)

wow, thanks..


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

My husband has that problem. We leave a day between sex sessions which seems to work. Hubby is 37 and he has had that problem since his twenties.

I also find that when I use my lady bits to clasp his member like a boa constrictor, my husband can't hold off.


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## nader (May 4, 2011)

last night, it was slow, lazy foreplay (skipped the oral), after not having played with myself since Thursday night (half a lifetime for me!) I lasted about 2 minutes before I blew it. DW also used a similar 'clenching'
move that must have sped things along. 
It was awesome. I would love to know that I have the option of doing it really quick, if I'm so inclined. just to have absolute control over how long I want to last. Problem not 100% solved (I still need DW to work on enthusiasm and overall sexy attitude), but it felt great to not have to worry this time.


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## Mr B (Feb 6, 2009)

I've had this problem for years. My marriage became sexless because of it. It is caused by not being aroused enough with a given partner. The reasons are usually anxiety, fear of intimacy, not being attracted to the partner or heavy porn use and masturbation. Often the problem happens once a relationship starts getting serious. A man who suffers from this usually won't have any problems during one night stands or sex when a relationship has just started or when masturbating alone.

A partner getting upset by it adds to the anxiety and makes it worse. In severe cases it is almost impossible to fix.


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## danjensv (Nov 1, 2011)

I'd figure out the problem(s) and try to eliminate them. If it still happens, maybe you need to see a doctor. Stop masturbating. Are you stressed, anxious, depressed? Is your wife attractive to you? Is the sex fun, lighthearted, hot and steamy or do you or your wife have hang ups or feel pressured or denied? Heath issues or out of shape? Maybe it's a combination. 

I suspect most stuff like this is mental, not physical. Sex seems to cause a lot of issues between some couples and outside influences (kids, job, family, etc) don't help. So some soul searching, talk to you're wife honestly and good luck!


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## spaghettimonster (Oct 17, 2011)

I'm going to get the vast thumbs down for this but...

When I have a mental block and can't finish, I find a small toy in the back does a very quick job pressing the inside button. I've been pretty void of any play for a long while, but one complaint I dont have is the wife being ok with my kinky discovery.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

spaghettimonster said:


> I'm going to get the vast thumbs down for this but...
> 
> When I have a mental block and can't finish, I find a small toy in the back does a very quick job pressing the inside button. I've been pretty void of any play for a long while, but one complaint I dont have is the wife being ok with my kinky discovery.


Why would you get a thumbs down on that? I've posted in other threads about prostate stimulation, and how it "forces" an orgasm for me. Can't say it feels any more magical than any other ones I've had, but it gets the job done. It's not something my GF and I do on a regular basis, but there you go... Nobody in here ever even said "ewwww!", as far as I recall.

C


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## spaghettimonster (Oct 17, 2011)

PBear said:


> Why would you get a thumbs down on that? I've posted in other threads about prostate stimulation, and how it "forces" an orgasm for me. Can't say it feels any more magical than any other ones I've had, but it gets the job done. It's not something my GF and I do on a regular basis, but there you go... Nobody in here ever even said "ewwww!", as far as I recall.
> 
> C


Oh. Well, bravo then. I felt like the homophobia was a skoche higher in here than on the general internet, so I went and made an a**umption. Haa a**umption, I emulated the f***ering system they use on here.


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## spaghettimonster (Oct 17, 2011)

PBear said:


> Why would you get a thumbs down on that? I've posted in other threads about prostate stimulation, and how it "forces" an orgasm for me. Can't say it feels any more magical than any other ones I've had, but it gets the job done. It's not something my GF and I do on a regular basis, but there you go... Nobody in here ever even said "ewwww!", as far as I recall.
> 
> C


More to the point though - I find they are a lot more magical for me, if magical means eyes rolling back, extra volume, extra distance, and extra waves with longer clamp downs.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

spaghettimonster said:


> More to the point though - I find they are a lot more magical for me, if magical means eyes rolling back, extra volume, extra distance, and extra waves with longer clamp downs.


Honestly, that's what we were hoping for.  Either we need more practice (this was a first for both of us), or it just doesn't affect me that much. If I can, I'll report back in 6 months. 

And BTW, it was her idea... I'm just along for the ride. But after we made her squirt, it was inevitable, I think...

C


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## spaghettimonster (Oct 17, 2011)

PBear said:


> Honestly, that's what we were hoping for.  Either we need more practice (this was a first for both of us), or it just doesn't affect me that much. If I can, I'll report back in 6 months.
> 
> And BTW, it was her idea... I'm just along for the ride. But after we made her squirt, it was inevitable, I think...
> 
> C


I have found that it's more of a medical procedure than pleasurable if my diet has been poor or it is cold. Otherwise, I find that during the process about 70% of the work is occurring in the back and about 30% in the front. We used an aneros toy, and it was fun but it hurt me - a jelly version would have been ideal. As the tension builds up, the penile attention needs to backoff to just above 0% in order to last. Unlike intercourse alone, I find there is an inevitable upper boundary with the toy that is inescapable before completion naturally occurs. I am not trying to enthrall, just relay my experience as unerotically as I can. :scratchhead:


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## nader (May 4, 2011)

Does anyone take zinc to boost testosterone levels?

I was doing research on this and apparently, most men do not get enough zinc because it does not occur naturally in many foods .. you have to eat lots and lots of oysters and nuts to get enough. It is supposed to help with testosterone, immunity, adhd, and absorbing vitamins.

for the past week or so I've been adding a zinc suplement + fish oil to my multivitamin regimen, and it seems to be helping. I've read that it takes several weeks to really see a difference but it already seems to be improving. We've had sex 3-4 x since then and I've actually had to hold back to keep from finishing too soon!

So I just wanted to put that out there as a possible solution.. it is so rare to find something that really seems to work. I can't say wtih 100% certainty that it's the zinc, but it sure can't hurt.


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## johnnycomelately (Oct 30, 2010)

I had this problem and cured it. Thanks to some good advice. 

The problem turned out to be my grip when masturbating. It had progressively got stronger and stronger, which made it difficult for me to ejaculate when with my missus, as her vagina is never going to have the same grip as a big brute with forearms like Popeye!

A week of masturbating using only a very light grip did the trick for me. You just have to re-condition yourself to coming without so much force. 

Good luck.


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## MSP (Feb 9, 2012)

Zinc is great. Take it in the evenings.


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

BigToe said:


> I can remember easily hitting the ceiling from a prone position on the bed.


lol

the visual of being in a cave full of "icicles"


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## curiousfreddie (Feb 15, 2012)

I know this is embarassing, but have you considered going to see your family doctor about the situation. People focus on Erectile Dysfunction from a "can't get it up" stand point all the time, but this situation can be just as serious. Go see your doctor and maybe a counselor. It could be mental and physical. Your enjoyment is sex is important too.


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## nader (May 4, 2011)

I've improved a bit since I started this thread 9 months go. Luckily it's never gotten to the point where I feel I need professional attention. I enjoy sex abuot 99.9% of the time!


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