# Tired of Waiting



## Hogthehedge (3 d ago)

Hi,
I’m new to this forum and just looking for either a place to vent or some helpful advice. I’ve been with my husband for 12 years, married for 6 years. We met in college, lots of mind altering substances were involved back then. After moving to another state, I was hoping for a new beginning but he doesn’t seem to know what he wants in life. We moved so I could pursue my dream of going to vet school, but he found reason after reason why that wouldn’t work or why we couldn’t afford it at the time. We own a house together and I thought maybe we could look toward a future of growing our family, another dream of mine, but again he constant finds reasons why it isn’t the right time. One dream after another dashed by his explanations and I’m honestly tired of it finally. I’m tired of waiting for my husband to find the right time to pursue my dreams when he doesn’t even know what he wants out of his future. 
I finally found the courage to tell him how I felt over the 2022 holidays, but we are back yo the same routine we’ve had as always like he doesn’t even remember the fights we had! Maybe he was truly that intoxicated when we fought but it doesn’t change how I feel! Like his half-asses back rubs are going to change a thing… 
How do you distance yourself from someone who you’ve shared a home with for twelve years? Especially when he has shown an effort for once to change? 
He is trying, but at the same time he has fallen back on his promise of a sober 2023 four, maybe five times now? How can I respect him anymore? Do I just stop sleeping in my bed? Do I just cut ties completely? This is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

just cut ties completely he is holding you back , and he is a wast of time


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

If you want to work on the relationship, then get the two of you to a marriage counselor. He clearly needs something that will wake him up that you are serious about all this.

Is he an alcoholic? Sounds like he might be. That's a serious issue.

Do both of you work and earn incomes?


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

*


Hogthehedge said:



He is trying, but at the same time he has fallen back on his promise of a sober 2023 four, maybe five times now? How can I respect him anymore? Do I just stop sleeping in my bed? Do I just cut ties completely? This is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.

Click to expand...

*You don't have to lie to us - he's isn't 'trying' anything! Stop lying to yourself, OP. For God's sake - we're NINE DAYS INTO 2013 and already this drunk has gotten loaded 4 or 5 times? And you're honestly claiming that he's "trying?" Come on, OP. 

Sadly, you've literally dropped *all* your expectations in a man and are now willing to literally settle for nothing. He brings NOTHING to the table.

Stop wasting your life with a worthless alcoholic who hasn't gotten ANY further in life than he was 12 years ago.

You can either stay down in the mud with this LOSER or move on to a cleaner, more positive, and healthy life *WITHOUT* him. Do it now while you don't have kids and don't have to fight over custody and child support for the next 18 years.

Keep wasting your life on a drunk and you know where you're going to be 10 years from now? You'll be right where you are TODAY - still married to a DRUNK and* no further ahead in life at ALL*. Maybe you will have had 1 or 2 kids because your biological clock was ticking so you dipped into the rotten end of the gene pool and chose to procreate with this drunken fool and now you're tied to him forever and will be so damned co-dependent by then that you'll use the KIDS as your excuse for not leaving.

But hey, I'm sure your kids will just *love* living with a drunk and having to deal with his mood swings and the constant drama, anxiety, fear, unhappiness, anger, and all the strife and embarrassment his alcoholism will CONTINUALLY bring to their lives and your home. Lucky, lucky you and lucky, lucky kids!

Lastly, if you choose NOT to leave, it would be abusive to have kids in this atmosphere and subject them to this kind of awful life.

Do better, OP.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

OP, there's nothing else that anyone can advice you. If you read @She'sStillGotIt, that's all you need to get through your head. Otherwise, prepare yourself for a life that I wouldn't ever consider for one of my daughters. You have your life in your hands. Determine how it's going to be now, do not wait any longer.


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

Alcohol aside, if you continue to wait on this guy, before you know it your dreams will pass you by. You’ll be 40 with no kids, not in your dream career and still taking care of this directionless man. You only get one turn on this blue marble, is this the turn you’re willing to take?


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## MegaTbone (9 d ago)

OP, @She'sStillGotIt , said more than anyone else needs to say. Only live once, make it as good as you can. Will it hurt, yep. Will you doubt yourself, yep. Do you want to continue going through the disappointment of going through the motions, nope.
Live till you die, dont die before you've lived! Best wishes.


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## Jimi007 (5 mo ago)

Just flat out tell him. I don't want to live like this anymore. If it continues, I'm going to leave and move on with my life...Period 

Maybe he's addicted, and needs a rehab ?


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Hogthehedge said:


> Hi,
> I’m new to this forum and just looking for either a place to vent or some helpful advice. I’ve been with my husband for 12 years, married for 6 years. We met in college, lots of mind altering substances were involved back then. After moving to another state, I was hoping for a new beginning but he doesn’t seem to know what he wants in life. We moved so I could pursue my dream of going to vet school, but he found reason after reason why that wouldn’t work or why we couldn’t afford it at the time. We own a house together and I thought maybe we could look toward a future of growing our family, another dream of mine, but again he constant finds reasons why it isn’t the right time. One dream after another dashed by his explanations and I’m honestly tired of it finally. I’m tired of waiting for my husband to find the right time to pursue my dreams when he doesn’t even know what he wants out of his future.
> I finally found the courage to tell him how I felt over the 2022 holidays, but we are back yo the same routine we’ve had as always like he doesn’t even remember the fights we had! Maybe he was truly that intoxicated when we fought but it doesn’t change how I feel! Like his half-asses back rubs are going to change a thing…
> How do you distance yourself from someone who you’ve shared a home with for twelve years? Especially when he has shown an effort for once to change?
> He is trying, but at the same time he has fallen back on his promise of a sober 2023 four, maybe five times now? How can I respect him anymore? Do I just stop sleeping in my bed? Do I just cut ties completely? This is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.


Get two jobs and save your money to move out. Then try to save enough money to send yourself to vet school. He's holding you back. Follow your dream.


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## Hogthehedge (3 d ago)

EleGirl said:


> Is he an alcoholic? Sounds like he might be. That's a serious issue.
> 
> Do both of you work and earn incomes?


Unfortunately, I am the only income supporting our “family” currently and yes he is definitely an alcoholic. He tried to make his New Year’s resolution to stop drinking but like I said there were a couple days he had a beer or several, and each day he mentions how hard it is for him to resist the urges. He doesn’t think we can afford to get him help, which is probably true but I’ve told him multiple times to prioritize his health over our finances because we can recover from financial hardship, our marriage is suffering from his stubbornness to seek help. 😔


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Getting a good enough mcat and having the grades, etc…….. it’s tough to get in vet school. There’s only one in my state.

I’d say if you got in, he should be overjoyed to contribute and support you……. Wait, he’s an alcoholic and he has no job…. My gosh, my buddy used to say my ex fiancée must have had a golden pooty tat for me to tolerate her bs (she did, but whatever)….. your husband must have a golden wanker.

Why? Why? Why? Would any woman want an alcoholic with no job?
Stop venting and just file for divorce.


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## Hogthehedge (3 d ago)

Evinrude58 said:


> Getting a good enough mcat and having the grades, etc…….. it’s tough to get in vet school. There’s only one in my state.
> …
> …
> Stop venting and just file for divorce.


Oh trust me, I know what it takes to get into vet school. This has been my goal since graduating high school twelve years ago; I even met with a vet school advisor to discuss what it would take and which classes I might need in addition to my bachelors degree. On top of my education I’ve also worked in the veterinary field for six or seven years now so trust me I know what it takes and what the job is like. Oh and in case you didn’t know vet school does NOT require an MCAT, it requires the GRE. However, _thank you _for reminding me of my terrible odds for admission. I appreciate it. 
Secondly I will not be addressing the other bits of your comment. As if I needed to explain myself to some keyboard warrior. 
Lastly, EXCUSE ME for mistaking a forum called “talk about marriage” as an outlet to vent about a toxic relationship and to a place to seek out genuine constructive advice. PARDON MOI MONSIEUR ET MADEMOISELLE. MY BAD.


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