# Is he just friendly or am I just overreacting?



## 30Mom

Hello forum,
This is my first post so please be nice. 

Yesterday, my family and I attended a birthday party for one of my husband's 10 year old son. After we bowled, the guys went outside for a quick smoke while the ladies were inside with the children playing games at the arcade. After realizing that they've been outside longer than expected, I got more change for the kids. While moving from one game station to the next, I looked over to the bar area and I see the guys (the 4 husbands) playing darts with two other ladies. I saw the two ladies throwing darts with them. At the moment, I thought perhaps they were waitresses. Then I I see my husband high-fiving them. I don't think any of the other moms saw them and I did not mention it to them.

Back at home, I asked him who those ladies were. He explained that they playing darts at the next station and just came over and wanted to switch players. He said he told them that he was married and showed him his ring. He said that she said that she was married also. I asked him if that was when he high-fived her. He apparently said no. That he high fived her because they both said that they were drunk. Then I just asked him a bunch of questions which I know he could not answer: Why would you do that? Would it look okay if the guys played video games with our sons, while the ladies played darts with someother married guys? Why couldn't the guys hang out the their wives instead?

Apparently, the guys had a little bit too much to drink but I explained to him that being drunk doesn't give him any excuse to do anything. That you're still responsible for any actions you do while you're drunk. If you don't take responsbility, do drink.

I just don't understand his actions. I am one of those individuals where I am not socially friendly with other men. I think my husband is just too friendly with other women. Am I just overreacting?? Your thoughts are appreciated. Thanks in advance.


----------



## that_girl

No one straight up tells anyone they are married and shows someone their ring. How awkward that would be.

Girl: Hi!
Guy: I'm married! See my ring!

See what I'm getting at??

And why was he drunk at his kid's birthday party?

I'm guessing nothing happened...it was a game of darts...but, his story sounds stupid.


----------



## tacoma

I`d be more concerned about why he was drunk at a 10 year olds B-Day party.


----------



## 30Mom

I apologize if it wasn't clear before. it was his friend's son's 10 year old b-day. It still doesn't explain his behavior. 

How do I make sure this (his behaviors) do not happen again?


----------



## that_girl

You can't make sure of anything. He's a grown man and you can't control him. 

He will do what he does. But still, getting drunk at a birthday party for a kid? Wow. Maybe he's just using that as an excuse.


----------



## sigma1299

While the specific acts aren't really that big of a deal if you try to read the tea leaves there isn't one good sign in any of that. I think a calm and frank conversation with him where you express your concerns and problems with has actions is in order. He needs to hear you and give you a real explanation, not just blow you off.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## southbound

that_girl said:


> No one straight up tells anyone they are married and shows someone their ring. How awkward that would be.
> 
> Girl: Hi!
> Guy: I'm married! See my ring!
> 
> See what I'm getting at??
> 
> And why was he drunk at his kid's birthday party?
> 
> I'm guessing nothing happened...it was a game of darts...but, his story sounds stupid.


:iagree::iagree:


----------



## Tamgerine

Honestly, your questions seem a little crazy and controlling, which is why maybe he didn't have any answers for you. 

You're correct that being drunk doesn't give him an excuse to do anything. But, he also DIDN'T do anything. Some darts and a high five? Just because he is married doesn't mean he has to completely cut off the opposite sex from his life, and act cold towards them. You are his wife, but there are also millions of other people in this world to interact with.

I work in a predominately male environment. I'm not going to be cold and unfriendly towards them just because I have a husband at home. I wouldn't not consider darts and a high five overly friendly.


----------



## 30Mom

Thanks for all the replies. I really do appreciate it. 

I don't think that you need to be cold with people of the opposite gender. I just think that there is a professional way to interact with people of the opposite gender. Playing darts with other women and high-fiving them, I think, was a little inappropriate for a "family event."


----------



## EleGirl

He and the other husbands should have been helping with the children, not off getting drunk and playing darts.

His high-fiving some woman is not necessarily anything but friendly.

His getting drunk at a kid event and not helping with his son is not cool at all.


----------



## 30Mom

I don't think I'm controlling, maybe only to a small extent. But I think I wanted to make it clear to him what is expected and not tolerated in the marriage. I will not tolerate using alcohol as an excuse for behaviors that you can't explain. 

Also, I was thinking and I would rather be cold to complete stangers of the opposite gender in a bar than make my signifiant other even think that there was something going on, especially if this significant other often does not understand.


----------



## EleGirl

30Mom said:


> I don't think I'm controlling, maybe only to a small extent. But I think I wanted to make it clear to him what is expected and not tolerated in the marriage. I will not tolerate using alcohol as an excuse for behaviors that you can't explain.
> 
> Also, I was thinking and I would rather be cold to complete stangers of the opposite gender in a bar than make my signifiant other even think that there was something going on, especially if this significant other often does not understand.


I'm sure that he would not have been happy with you were the roles reversed. He was wrong. He should have been involved in the b-day party.


----------



## Shandy211

Hi; I agree with you totally, and your husband should not have been off playing darts and "high fiving" with these other women, or getting drunk at your son's birthday party for that matter. I find this to be extremely insulting to you as his wife, and very inappropriate for a child's party! -- I also have no respect for women who approach married men (and right in front of their wives no less!!) They were way out of line too, and should never have been doing that! If I were in this situation I would sit down with my husband and explain exactly how you feel, and that this is inappropriate behavior for a married man. 

Also, there is a big difference between professional interaction with the opposite sex at work, and carrying on at a bar drinking and playing darts or anything else with other women, and right in front of your wife!


----------



## SunCMars

30Mom said:


> I don't think I'm controlling, maybe only to a small extent. But I think I wanted to make it clear to him what is expected and not tolerated in the marriage. I will not tolerate using alcohol as an excuse for behaviors that you can't explain.
> 
> Also, I was thinking and I would rather be cold to complete strangers of the opposite gender in a bar than make my significant other even think that there was something going on, especially if this significant other often does not understand.


I hope he appreciates that attitude, your loyalty.

I see both sides here....I do.

Alcohol makes fools out of all of us. Let this go..Van Goughess.

Let's see if HE learned from this! 

Life is to be lived. And yes, we stumble in this journey. 

Smile.....move on.

No other Red Flags, Outstanding, out Flapping?


----------



## rockon

The original poster has not been active for over 4 years. This is called a zombie thread.


----------

