# Issue With Wifes EX-FWB...



## chris_h (Mar 27, 2012)

Hi all, first time posting on here.. I am looking at improving my marriage and learning from all the experts.. I have been married for 2 years and was dating for 3 years prior to that, so 5 years total now.. (We are both 28 years old for the record)

When I first met my wife she told me about her past relationship, she dated a guy for 6 years, he treated her like crap, she knew he cheated on her, she caught him in the act of cheating but nothing changed she just looked past it and kept on with him because she didnt want to be "alone", Until about 5.5 years into that relationship she got a new co-worker at her work and she thought he was cute and so on.. She got to know this guy and eventually she started to cheat on her boyfriend with this guy, but the guy didn't want anything but a physical relationship.. So she had her cute FWB and an actual boyfriend.. After about 6 months of this he decided to leave her boyfriend and try to chase a relationship with the other guy, he wanted nothing like that and decided to quit the FWB thing to.. So now she was totally single.. Fast forward 8 months and this is when we met for the first time all was great, a couple weeks after we met she asked me about cheating and we had the whole above talk.. 

Fast forward 4.5 years, we are happily married and so on.. And my wife comes to me and says hey I found an old friend I used to work with on Facebook and they asked if we wanted to get together for dinner. I didnt think twice of it and said sure why not.. Now we went to dinner with them, they ended up being an engaged couple, and they they invited us back to their house for drinks.. All was ok, but they were not my type of people, they are the wild party and lets get drunk type of people and I am not.. So the next day my wife asked what I though and I said I it was ok, not someone I would want to hang out with all the time because I had nothing in common with them. Then she goes into telling me how I dont have enough friends and I need to give this guy a chance and how he is a really good guy and she thinks we could be really good friends and have alot in common if we actually tried to hang out more.. I told her I was not interested and she just kept pushing it trying to force me to be friends with this guy and start hanging out with him.. And finally I said how do you know these people again.. She said I used to work with him before i met you.. I just said oh and dropped it.. Then about 5 minutes later she asked me if I wanted to hang out with them the following weekend, and then it hit me.. I said is this the guy you used to sleep with.. She gave me the deer caught in the headlights look.. She turned red as a cherry, and said yeah I told you all about it so its nothing new.. I said no you told me about this over 5 years ago and you never told me this was the person.. 

So we got into a HUGE fight, I was seriously ready to leave her, that just seems like its the most screwed up thing EVER, to try to trick your husband into becoming best friends with your old f*** buddy.. She didnt think she did anything wrong, eventually she went to go tell her friends why I was pissed off and to get them on her side.. Problem is once she told them they thought she was crazy to.. So we finally talked and she agreed that what she did was wrong on so many levels, she asked me how we can fix it and I told her to get him out of her life.. She agreed she needed to do that so she erased his phone number from her phone and she erased him from facebook..

Well fast forward a few months to today.. I went to go use the computer and my wife left Facebook open, so I decided to snoop, as I dont have a facebook myself.. I found out she had been conversing with this guy about how they had not talked in a while and she was mad at him for not returning her texts he was talking about how he moved and did not have much free time and so on, she mentioned how she wished we could all get together but we could not because and I quote "my husband is a loser and does not like to party".. From the sounds of what I read, he is just giving a pitty response just like a ok you messaged me so I guess I should respond even though I dont want to talk to you.. Sounds like he doesn't want anything to do with her, he is getting married and has a good life but my wife keep pressuring him to talk to her.. 

Now I dont think my wife is cheating on me at all and I dont think she would ever attempt to, but what I think the problem is is that she is craving attention or something.. 

What do I do, she assured me she would get him out of her life, I really dont stand for crap like this and would walk away from everything if she refused to get him out of her life.. But now if I mention anything its going to look like I was spying on her or something.. I am stuck in a weird place and dont know what to do...


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

I feel your pain. Your wife wants to keep this guy in her life for some reason, and you need to quash that NOW. Tell her in no uncertain terms to go no contact. She is playing with fire. Nothing good can come of this and I'd be major pissed that she tricked you into having dinner with an old FWB. Did it slip her mind that he used to slip it to her? FUME!!!!!


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## CH (May 18, 2010)

Draw up the divorce papers and tell her, pick him or sign the papers.

She goes no contact with him. And it looks like he's moved on also, you might want to contact him and just ask him to inform you if your wife contacts him. From the looks of it he is more than happy to do that since he doesn't want to screw up his relationship with his fiance.

One slip up and she can move on without you. This looks all on sided on her part the way he's responding to her.


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## johnnycomelately (Oct 30, 2010)

This is an attempt at starting an affair. If it was not one-sided it would be an affair by now. The only reason why your wife isn't ****ing his brains out and telling him what a loser you are is because he is not interested. 

Deal with this like it is an affair.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

There is no reason to maintain a relationship with this guy and his gf, you and your W owe them no allegiance, you don't have a friendship with a valuable history, and your W should want to drop him knowing it will improve your own marriage. If she refuses to drop this acquaintance it bodes very poorly for your relationship and will fester for as long as you both let it or until it turns into another affair.


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

> I really dont stand for crap like this and would walk away from everything if she refused to get him out of her life.. But now if I mention anything its going to look like I was spying on her or something..


NO bueno.

I say so what if you look like a spy. You felt something and checked into it and it turned out to be just what you thought. No harm no foul if you ask me. You wouldn't be looking if her actions PRIOR hadn't been suspect. Who tries to befriend their FWB with their husband? What good can come from that?? That's some drama for your mama if I ever saw it.

Tell her what you found. If she gets all righteous and indignant about your 'spying' you can also tell her she's free to be friends with him if she likes, you won't be around to play these games.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

First of all, I cannot believe your wife had the gall to invite you to dinner out with a man she used to sleep with and didn't even tell you about it being him. 
WTF?
Second of all, tell her you are aware she's been contacting him and you already told her what the score was. Tell her you're not interestedc in an open marriag eand you refuse you be lied to you, that you deserve better.

Don't say anything further than that above--give her enough rope to hang herself.

How old is she? Sounds very young.


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## In_The_Wind (Feb 17, 2012)

cheatinghubby said:


> Draw up the divorce papers and tell her, pick him or sign the papers.
> 
> She goes no contact with him. And it looks like he's moved on also, you might want to contact him and just ask him to inform you if your wife contacts him. From the looks of it he is more than happy to do that since he doesn't want to screw up his relationship with his fiance.
> 
> One slip up and she can move on without you. This looks all on sided on her part the way he's responding to her.


:iagree::iagree::iagree:


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## Mistys dad (Dec 2, 2011)

She is a known cheater in a past relationship.

She is a known liar in this one.

She is contacting an Ex, both in front of your eyes and behind your back.

Don't worry if she thinks your spying, she gave up the right to privacy when she lied.

Send him a message, tell him to stay away. Tell her to stay away. Maybe even tell the OM spouse all the facts, as well.


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## chris_h (Mar 27, 2012)

We are both 28., I am definitely more mature than her, and its really starting to show itself over the past year... ALL of my wifes friends still think they are 21.. They are all the lets drink until we puke and then drink some more type people.. My wife is not like this when she is not with her friends, not even close she cant stand people like this in her every day life.. But when she hangs out with them she becomes one of them.. I cant stand any of my wifes friends they are all immature drunks, I tell my wife this all the time, she talks bad about me when she is with her friends and then crys when she comes home and says she does it to fit in, because she is not like them and I refuse to fake it.. She doesn't have a single friend that hang out with her if alcohol was not involved in some way.. They cant even go out for a friendly lunch without pounding them down.. This is not her personality, but its what she does to keep the friends that she has.. She doesnt want to loose what she has because she will then be "alone"...

I am becoming so lost in this whole mess.. What I just wrote could be a complete separate post.. Thinking about it, it makes me want to just walk away, but it would screw us up so much financially, we own a house which like everyone else we are underwater on and could never sell it nor afford it alone..


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

chris_h said:


> We are both 28., I am definitely more mature than her, and its really starting to show itself over the past year... ALL of my wifes friends still think they are 21.. They are all the lets drink until we puke and then drink some more type people.. My wife is not like this when she is not with her friends, not even close she cant stand people like this in her every day life.. But when she hangs out with them she becomes one of them.. I cant stand any of my wifes friends they are all immature drunks, I tell my wife this all the time, she talks bad about me when she is with her friends and then crys when she comes home and says she does it to fit in, because she is not like them and I refuse to fake it.. She doesn't have a single friend that hang out with her if alcohol was not involved in some way.. They cant even go out for a friendly lunch without pounding them down.. This is not her personality, but its what she does to keep the friends that she has.. She doesnt want to loose what she has because she will then be "alone"...
> 
> I am becoming so lost in this whole mess.. What I just wrote could be a complete separate post.. Thinking about it, it makes me want to just walk away, but it would screw us up so much financially, we own a house which like everyone else we are underwater on and could never sell it nor afford it alone..


Does she know you're ready to walk over her idiocy? If she doesn't you should tell her straight away. 

Lose the BS or lose me... her choice.


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## Mindful Coach (Sep 15, 2011)

It is better to be alone for the right reasons than with others for the wrong reasons. Talking bad about you to her friends shows she has no loyalty. She is lying to you and obviously has some maturity and probably self esteem issues. 

The question is what do you want to do? Honestly, it seems as if she loves you and the problems can be overcome if she becomes very serious about her doing her part, as you seem to be serious about doing your part.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Wow what she did to you is deeply humiliating. It's is honestly shameful.

But she topped that by continuing to chase him and cut you down to him, that was her throwing herself at him and telling him she values him more then she values you. Basically she was telling him she has no respect for you and wishes she could ditch you to be with him.

Dude, this is very serious and you need to go nuclear on her. If this guy gives her any opening she WILL be sleeping with him first chance.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

I agree with the last 3 posters. Spot on. 

The icing was her telling him you're a "loser." Ew.


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## chris_h (Mar 27, 2012)

really I think the only way she could fix anything and I would be 100% happy is if she ditches every friend she has.. Her friends are not poeple that need to be in her life, but that is asking alot, I think its asking to much, saying choose you friends or choose me?? My wife and I talk about wanting a family, I tell her not until you grow up, and she argues with me that she is.. I ask her how many grown ups spent $75 at the bar over the weekend and spend the night using the toilet seat as a pillow, I typically get no response after that..


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

She was not marriage marterail in my opinion. Her values are just too screwed up, which was clearly demonstrated before marriage. You should run run run. Finances wlil only get worse once kids come.


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

You're right about asking too much to tell her choose your friends or choose me, but seriously she's too immature to be approached any other way. She doesn't see how detremental her relationships with these people are, and you do. You're the one she comes home to, the one who is there when they've all partied hard and gone home.

I'm sure you've told her this stuff before, but she ultimately does have a choice to make because you're not changing your values. She married you, she knows what you expect. She signed up for that new life with you. That means she needs to get her priorities in order. How to make her see that?? That's the question. I think it would take you leaving. People don't realize what they have/had until it's gone.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

A Bit Much said:


> She doesn't see how detremental her relationships with these people are, and you do.


And that is why only HARD boundaries with consequences will work.


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## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

It sounds like she's trying to hook you all up for swinging. I agree with previous posters, draw up divorce papers to show her you mean business. Tell her to straighten up or you're filing.

If she really thinks you are a loser then I'm not sure she's worth keeping.


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## kittykat09 (Mar 26, 2012)

That is really screwed up... The marriage is over, really. At least, that is what it sounds like. She cheated before (with the same guy!) and she very obviously is setting up to do the same. She is already having an emotional affair.

She can have no contact with him whatsoever in order for there to be any hope of reconciliation, but I personally wouldn't trust that she is adult enough to do that.

It really doesn't sound like she was ready to get married in the first place if she is out partying all the time. 

On the plus side, now you know that even though you want a wife you can have fun with, you also want her to be an adult.


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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

She's obviously not committed to you and your marriage anywhere near 100%. You can't make it work on your own.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

chris_h said:


> really I think the only way she could fix anything and I would be 100% happy is if she ditches every friend she has.. Her friends are not poeple that need to be in her life, but that is asking alot, I think its asking to much, saying choose you friends or choose me?? My wife and I talk about wanting a family, I tell her not until you grow up, and she argues with me that she is.. I ask her how many grown ups spent $75 at the bar over the weekend and spend the night using the toilet seat as a pillow, I typically get no response after that..


Because there is no response. You are living in a lopsided marriage. You are an adult, your wife is a child: in her mind she is still in high school and she is still competing with this so called "friend" of hers. 

Divorce her and cut your losses. My wife cheated on me twice and told the second OM lie after lie about me in her e-mails to him. But she never called me a "loser". That word right there sums up what your sorry excuse for a wife thinks of you.


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## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

Wow, your wife calling you a loser to a guy she used to screw who dumped her because he got tired of her clinginess....... Dude

I sense that she still has feelings for this guy and she settled for you hence her sudden urge to rekindle her relationship with him.

This marriage is over before it began.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Complexity said:


> *Wow, your wife calling you a loser to a guy she used to screw who dumped her because he got tired of her clinginess....... Dude*
> 
> I sense that she still has feelings for this guy and she settled for you hence her sudden urge to rekindle her relationship with him.
> 
> This marriage is over before it began.



Word.


I lose attraction quickly when I hear the hard luck story from the one that I am dating how used and abused they got from the last one. 

OP, what made this woman attractive to you since you knew about her past before you married her.


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## chris_h (Mar 27, 2012)

well i just went home for my lunch break and caught her before she left work.. first she screamed that I was looking at her facebook and that its private.. the she accused me of cheating on her because if I dont trust her, and if I dont trust her its obvious that I am cheating.. then she said she she is allowed to talk to whoever she wants to, then she said she started to cry and said she didnt know what she doing and then she locked herself in the bathroom.. then I grabbed a bag and threw some of her clothes in it and as she left to go to work I told her the locks would be changed by the time she got home.. she can go stay who knows where while I try to think this though...

you guys have helped me alot, not 100% sure I want to walk away but I definitely need some time to think alone.

What attracted me to her in the first place had nothing to do with her past, I am not going to judge her past.. I am not one to judge, I have made plenty of mistakes in life, not recent but they have happened..


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

chris_h said:


> Hi all, first time posting on here.. I am looking at improving my marriage and learning from all the experts.. I have been married for 2 years and was dating for 3 years prior to that, so 5 years total now.. (We are both 28 years old for the record)
> 
> When I first met my wife she told me about her past relationship, she dated a guy for 6 years, he treated her like crap, she knew he cheated on her, she caught him in the act of cheating but nothing changed she just looked past it and kept on with him because she didnt want to be "alone", Until about 5.5 years into that relationship she got a new co-worker at her work and she thought he was cute and so on.. She got to know this guy and eventually she started to cheat on her boyfriend with this guy, but the guy didn't want anything but a physical relationship.. So she had her cute FWB and an actual boyfriend.. After about 6 months of this he decided to leave her boyfriend and try to chase a relationship with the other guy, he wanted nothing like that and decided to quit the FWB thing to.. So now she was totally single.. Fast forward 8 months and this is when we met for the first time all was great, a couple weeks after we met she asked me about cheating and we had the whole above talk..
> 
> ...


Your wife was way off base in getting him back into her life. She was fishing. That was at least inappropriate but I would say it was really unfaithful since he was a f^ck buddy. They are also not your kind of people. She should never have hookup up with the.

Fast forward. Ok so not she is being dishonest and unfaithful to you. I think one could argue she is cheating the way she is doing this. I am not saying they have had sex yet but she has isolated you from him and she is pursuing a relationship with her f^ck buddy begind your back. Very disresepctful.

This is totally unfaithful and she intends for it to get worse. I think there is no other explanation than she wants to pursue a PA with him. It was always about the sex for them.

You guys need to do His Needs Her Needs together nd set the boundaries. Actually you did perfect. You have the right boundaries. Your wife does not.

She must go totally NC with this guy which you agreed on already. So she has flat just taken the affair underground.

She has some real issues and yet you seem very level headed.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

chris_h said:


> We are both 28., I am definitely more mature than her, and its really starting to show itself over the past year... *ALL of my wifes friends still think they are 21.. They are all the lets drink until we puke and then drink some more type people.. My wife is not like this when she is not with her friends, not even close she cant stand people like this in her every day life.. But when she hangs out with them she becomes one of them.. I cant stand any of my wifes friends they are all immature drunk*s, I tell my wife this all the time, she talks bad about me when she is with her friends and then crys when she comes home and says she does it to fit in, because she is not like them and I refuse to fake it.. *She doesn't have a single friend that hang out with her if alcohol was not involved in some way.. They cant even go out for a friendly lunch without pounding them down.. *This is not her personality, but its what she does to keep the friends that she has.. She doesnt want to loose what she has because she will then be "alone"...
> 
> I am becoming so lost in this whole mess.. What I just wrote could be a complete separate post.. Thinking about it, it makes me want to just walk away, but it would screw us up so much financially, we own a house which like everyone else we are underwater on and could never sell it nor afford it alone..


OMG. This is not a life style for a faithful wife. So her EX lover is a prtier too. She is trying to pull you into that lifestyle.

It also dawned on me that she cheated with this guy as well. I am going to suggest that sex with him is even more exciting to her because she is cheating. It is illicit sex. And only for sex. She is looking to get tht high back.

If she likes getting drunk all the time and hangs out with folks who are single how do you know how she behaves with other guys?

So what re you doing when she is out pounding down drinks? Are all of her friends female? Or is she hanging out with other men getting drunk? They are hanging out in bars? Clubs? 

All the while this is going on you are not with her. So she it indeed not getting attention from you but, I wonder if she is getting attention form other guys. I don't want to assume but this sounds like a single pertying lifestyle. Are her friends hooking up with guys? None of them sound truly married.

So from your marriage perspective these are toxic friends. Are you sure she is not seeing this other guy in any of those situations? he is a concern but I would now with this information be concerned more in general.

You indicate she becomes one of them. In other words she succumbs to the pressure of the group and blends in with that group. She has some real boundary issues.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> I agree with the last 3 posters. Spot on.
> 
> The icing was her telling him you're a "loser." Ew.


You know I totally missed the loser comment. 

That would have done it for me. She told another man she is trying to have sex with that you are a loser!? I would be done with that.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

chris_h said:


> well i just went home for my lunch break and caught her before she left work.. first she screamed that I was looking at her facebook and that its private.. the she accused me of cheating on her because if I dont trust her, and if I dont trust her its obvious that I am cheating.. then she said she she is allowed to talk to whoever she wants to, then she said she started to cry and said she didnt know what she doing and then she locked herself in the bathroom.. then I grabbed a bag and threw some of her clothes in it and as she left to go to work I told her the locks would be changed by the time she got home.. she can go stay who knows where while I try to think this though...
> 
> you guys have helped me alot, not 100% sure I want to walk away but I definitely need some time to think alone.
> 
> What attracted me to her in the first place had nothing to do with her past, I am not going to judge her past.. I am not one to judge, I have made plenty of mistakes in life, not recent but they have happened..


Stick to your boundaries. There is no privacy in a marriage. Not this kind anyway. She told you she can have a relationship with her old cheating f-buddy and she can do whatever she wants. Sweet.

Dude I know I am just piling on now but cut your losses. No doubt you care for her but she is self destructive. People like that pull down those around them. You can do so much better. She has zero respect for you.

There is no telling what other liberties she has taken with her marriage that you do not know about. Very immature.


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## PooDoo (Aug 12, 2011)

She called you a 'loser' - to her ex-lover? That would have done it for me. You are in for a painful life if you stay with her. RUN RUN RUN!!! Marriage is hard enough without this kind of baggage - when trust is gone there is nothing.


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## kittykat09 (Mar 26, 2012)

chris_h said:


> well i just went home for my lunch break and caught her before she left work.. first she screamed that I was looking at her facebook and that its private.. the she accused me of cheating on her because if I dont trust her, and if I dont trust her its obvious that I am cheating.. then she said she she is allowed to talk to whoever she wants to, then she said she started to cry and said she didnt know what she doing and then she locked herself in the bathroom.. then I grabbed a bag and threw some of her clothes in it and as she left to go to work I told her the locks would be changed by the time she got home.. she can go stay who knows where while I try to think this though...
> 
> you guys have helped me alot, not 100% sure I want to walk away but I definitely need some time to think alone.
> 
> What attracted me to her in the first place had nothing to do with her past, I am not going to judge her past.. I am not one to judge, I have made plenty of mistakes in life, not recent but they have happened..


You did well. Don't let her gaslight you and try to make it somehow *your* fault that she is untrustworthy. I had an ex who always spewed "you don't trust me because YOU are untrustworthy" at me- and it is bull. YOU didn't lie to her, YOU didn't try to start an affair with an ex-FWB, YOU didn't call her a loser.

Remember that any crying she does is because she is sorry she got caught, and not because she is sorry she hurt you. It is easy to cry for oneself. 

You might not want to walk away, but she will never change. She has shown you that. She was a cheater in the past, she is a cheater now. Please stick to your guns and protect yourself from future hurt.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

I feel like I want to hug your wife and tell her she is too good for this man and she is well worth the love of a good man. Her self esteem is low and she needs you to give her direction in no uncertain terms. 

Be kind but firm. Something is wrong if she is persuading this man. She wants affirmation that she is good enough to be loved. Somebow she fixated on the one who got away. If she can get him to affirm her then she is alright. 

She needs to affirm herself. Her LT relationship was with a man who cheated and she had this FWB and he walked away. She needs to be held and told she is loved by you and she does not need to prove herself. The bf who cheated on her repeatedly sapped her self esteem when she was young. She never recovered.

She needs lots of love and IC. She needs to understand she is sabataging something good to go after what is worthless. Probably because She does not feel that she deserves love. 

Don't react with divorce papers. If you love her help her to heal. You will get a woman who is whole with a sensitive heart who loves herself and can love you. 

You may decide to leave if she does not work hard to heal because she will seek affirmation again and that will not work.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

BTW she don't call her a loser. She is his wife and he loves her. She is in crisis and she deserves at lest an attemp at help and guidance. Her mistakes are not punishable by stoning.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Catherine, his wife told the f-ck buddy that her husband (the OP) is a loser...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

She deserves ... a hug!? She lives a single lifestyle, cheated on her first LTR with this same guy, continues this contact behind her husbands back and she deserves a hug. Wow. Just wow.

You want to hug her to tell her she is too good for the FWB. You want her husband to hug her and help her from the abyss of being unfaithful to him.

She called her husband a loser to the man who she cheated with and is trying to introuduce in her new marriage? She had agreed to go no contact but yet went underground. 

She is not 15 years old. I keep hearing that women have brains and I believe that. But when they do this we give them a hug? I do not think this is gender specific. I would not give a man a hug for doing this, I would want to kick his butt.

You read the whole thread? :scratchhead:


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## kittykat09 (Mar 26, 2012)

Catherine602 said:


> I feel like I want to hug your wife and tell her she is too good for this man and she is well worth the love of a good man. Her self esteem is low and she needs you to give her direction in no uncertain terms.
> 
> Be kind but firm. Something is wrong if she is persuading this man. She wants affirmation that she is good enough to be loved. Somebow she fixated on the one who got away. If she can get him to affirm her then she is alright.
> 
> ...


I honestly don't think it is a self-esteem issue, and even if it was there is no reason good enough to justify cheating on a spouse. There just isn't. This woman has cheated on a SO before with the exact same guy. She lied to her current spouse, started chasing her ex-FWB, called her husband a loser, and would not have hesitated to make her EA a PA. Screwing her ex-FWB is more important to her than her marriage.

She doesn't deserve coddling or love from her husband- she deserves the boot for being a lying, cheating piece of work and showing that she is a leopard unwilling to change its spots. She is obviously a habitual cheater at this point.


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## kittykat09 (Mar 26, 2012)

Also... "She is in crisis"?!?!?! SHE is not the victim, the OP is. The OP is in crisis because SHE is cheating on him and lying to him. Any "crisis" she is in is 100% her fault.


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

Serial cheater who lines up her safety boat before taking the final plunge. She's done it at least twice in this marriage, trying to 'befriend' people who are off limits IMO.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

I agree with all of you. This isn't just "some guy" she's trying to befriend/introduce to her marriage. This is THE guy she cheated on her ex with. I still can't believe she had the audacity to invite them all for a meal together, completely dismissing/disrespecting her husband. She has SERIOUS boundary issues. It's brazen. And almost comes across as narcissistic that she'd do something like that...with zero regard for her husband. Yuck.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mistys dad (Dec 2, 2011)

Taking this in another direction.

Her ex-FWB went out with you and your wife and it never came up that they were together in the past?

He knew who she was, and what she wanted, but said nothing.

Regardless of the BS she is feeding you, he was interested. He was also looking to step out on his wife.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Jellybeans said:


> Catherine, his wife told the f-ck buddy that her husband (the OP) is a loser...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Ops didn't read carefully again. 

I recall my former post. i read the first post that she had a former BF who cheated and she didn't leave and chasing this guy. It read self-esteem issues to me. 

Didn't read the confrontation or remember that she called her husband a name.

I don't know what is wrong with her. One thing is for sure, she is not ready for a LT committed relationship. You are taking a substantial risk in staying in the relationship.

OP is toooo nice. If you stay, give her just one chance. She must go to therapy and show real progress. You need to go to therapy as well. 

Whatever you do, don't have children now.


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## kittykat09 (Mar 26, 2012)

Catherine602 said:


> Ops didn't raed carefully again.
> 
> I recall my former post.


lol Happens to the best of us. :smthumbup: Solid advice. XD


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Chris, she settled for you. You are just waiting for the next guy she is infatuated with and responds back. 
First, she tries to make you an idiot by making you befriend her ex-FWB . I think she tried to flaunt you infront of him to make him jealous. When that did not work, she called you a loser. 

You wife is a nut case. Get out. You can work out the house somehow. You can earn money but mental peace is more important.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Any updates?


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## chris_h (Mar 27, 2012)

no real updates.. she is staying with her parents who live close.. she stop texing me, which I am ignoring.. I need to to sort it all out and decide what I want to do.. I hate to throw it all away, but I may just have to....


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

chris_h said:


> no real updates.. she is staying with her parents who live close.. she stop texing me, which I am ignoring.. I need to to sort it all out and decide what I want to do.. I hate to throw it all away, but I may just have to....


While staying at her parents, is she going out with the FWB?


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## PooDoo (Aug 12, 2011)

I wonder what lies she's telling her folks.

Catherine - Sounds like you're giving the perp a pass. What if he beat the sh!t out of her? Would you want to give him a hug? That's what she is doing to him - beating the sh!t our of him (mentally). I still can't believe the balls of her taking you out 
to eat with her ex-plaything. Can't think of anything more disrespectful. She has no regard for you - none. The ex still has some interest in her, otherwise why would he meet with you both and disrespect his fiancee.

If you love her enough to let he go for a time, maybe she'll wise up. I'd have the locks changed and quick. She's definately going to come back and try to kick you out and have playtime in your house - on your dime. Go on with your life without her (easier said than done I know). Don't be a chump - it's time for you to look out for yourself.


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