# I want it all the time!



## Mrs. In Love..But (Jan 11, 2011)

I will try to make this short. I am 32, my husband is 41. I want sex all the time. We have been married 2 years and together 1.5 years before that. We have not been together in over 7 months. He says it is because of stress and other things. Can a person really have THAT much stress? Before our 7 month drought, our routine was like this 1. Dating (1-2 times a week) 2. Living together (1 week-1month) 3. After marriage (1month-once every 2 months) 4. Within the last year (once every 3months). I have complained about this decreasing behavior, BUT lately I want it ALL the time. Since October I have stopped complaining because someone from my past has taken an interest in me and has been fulfilling that need. If I don't bring up issue, it's like my husband is okay with it. I know, I'm wrong for dishonoring my vows so that is not my question. QUESTION: I am I wrong for wanting my husband to desire me sexually? and for him to engage me? I have told him numerous times and have set aside time for us to spend together in and out of the bedroom. I feel like, I'm the guy and he's the women. Tell me what you think. Thanks.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

> Since October I have stopped complaining because someone from my past has taken an interest in me and has been fulfilling that need. If I don't bring up issue, it's like my husband is okay with it. I know, I'm wrong for dishonoring my vows so that is not my question.


O.O



> QUESTION: I am I wrong for wanting my husband to desire me sexually? and for him to engage me? I have told him numerous times and have set aside time for us to spend together in and out of the bedroom. I feel like, I'm the guy and he's the women. Tell me what you think. Thanks.


Depends on how you ask... actually, you shouldn't ask. Just seduce him. I'm actually in a similar situation where the missus' sex drive is MUCH higher then mine, but to be honest I wouldn't really mind if she bothered to put some work in 'pushing my buttons' and turning me on instead of just treating sex like routine and forcing it if she can't have it. And yes, a man CAN be stressed out enough that sex is a no go.


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

RandomDude said:


> ...you shouldn't ask. Just seduce him.
> 
> And yes, a man CAN be stressed out enough that sex is a no go.


Agreed - but seven months isn't all stress...


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## Mrs. In Love..But (Jan 11, 2011)

@RandomDude: One day during a Friday afternoon (around 12pm) I took a shower and put on a black and pink baby doll lingere to apply my make up. He was on his computer getting ready for work. I walked around the house, bending over, just flirting you know AND NOTHING. It wasn't until I kissed him goodbye that it peaked his interested. I guess I'm waiting for him to tear my clothes off. I can only create the opportunity, but I want him to take a hint too. Thanks for the advise. Maybe, ill try again. Oh and PS, Sex is NOT a routine to me. I love it!


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

Mrs. In Love..But said:


> Since October I have stopped complaining because someone from my past has taken an interest in me and has been fulfilling that need. If I don't bring up issue, it's like my husband is okay with it. I know, I'm wrong for dishonoring my vows so that is not my question.


I wouldn't be so sure that he is OK with it. What makes you think he is? Have you told him specifically that if he won't step up you'll go find someone else?

Unless you have done so he can be thinking all kinds of things other than what you believe.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Mrs. In Love..But said:


> @RandomDude: One day during a Friday afternoon (around 12pm) I took a shower and put on a black and pink baby doll lingere to apply my make up. He was on his computer getting ready for work. I walked around the house, bending over, just flirting you know AND NOTHING. It wasn't until I kissed him goodbye that it peaked his interested. I guess I'm waiting for him to tear my clothes off. I can only create the opportunity, but I want him to take a hint too. Thanks for the advise. Maybe, ill try again. Oh and PS, Sex is NOT a routine to me. I love it!


Hmmm...

You have to learn his switches, what turns him on etc. Different men, different switches... but you can try this... see if it works: Try teasing him.

Teasing does take time, patience, yes, but it's all about building arousal. When there's no tease; no fun - no thrill, no challenge, a total turn off for me. Give your man the impression "you can't have me". Also, during a tease, be careful not to cave in too easily, if he advances, tease him a bit more, give him something, then take it away. Pose while in bed, reveal something, then hide it, caught his glimpse? Call him a perv! Talk dirty etc etc.

Sometimes the missus does it right, still remember last year she really did me good. During dinner she wore nothing but a long t-shirt, and crossed her legs under the glass table, and then kept crossing her legs over... drove me f--king nuts to the point I lost it and picked her up and carried her upstairs. We never finished dinner that night...

Vary your teases too, never stick to one just because it works, it needs a 'cooldown' period before attempted again, the above example is a one off even. Try not to give him the impression you're seducing him when starting any tease. As a rule:
- Attitude ("can't have me" etc)
- Variation
- Dirty talk
- Reveal/Hide/Repeat
- Don't cave in too soon
- Enjoy it!

Sometimes it can be as simple as just walking past him wearing nothing but a towel over your head... going upstairs, giving him a great view downstairs... and then closing the door. Etc etc


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## Workingitout (Sep 27, 2010)

He should have his testosterone checked. It may be low. He can take injections to increase it. Happened to me! Now I want it 3 times a day, every day! I would even want it more than that but a guy's got to work too!


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## 40jane (Dec 8, 2010)

It is wrong to neglect your spouse from sexual gratification. Both of you should meet in the middle in how often. But you mentioned someone else is taking care of the need?? Why do you still need your husband? Would you give up the lover if your husband would start having more sex with you? Men stop having sex for many reasons: physical problems, if they are cheating, have disconnected emotionally, are on certain medications, are depressed, low testosterone or stopped loving their partner. I don't know your husband only you do but I would address these and go from there.


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## Mrs. In Love..But (Jan 11, 2011)

@RandomDude: you have a lot of good advice and I am willing to try some of these things and keep you updated. I am glad a man answered this question. 

@40jane: yes, I would give up my lover if my husband and I resolved our issue. I am not "in love" with my lover. We don't even kiss BUT there is passion and sex. However, I do fear that when I begin to engage with my husband that the passion will not be there or my expectations may be too high because of what I have been expereincing. I appreciate the open honest advice.


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

You never did answer me regarding how do you know your husband is ok with what you are doing.

I suspect he does not know of your cheating and likely would not be ok with it.

I say that without saying that it is ok for him to ignore your needs, btw.

Unless you have had a frank discussion about this affair and his permission, then you are cheating.

And having lover while you fantasize about having your husband notice you sexually? Not going to work.


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## Mrs. In Love..But (Jan 11, 2011)

@michzz: I was not saying that he is okay with me cheating. Of course not, he does not know. I was referring to, if I don't bring up the subject of sex, he won't either. He has no desire to iniate the conversation or act of sex. For the past 7 months we have talked and talked and made actions to fixing this problem. He has made ME feel as if I am insensitive because all I do is talk about how much sex we are not having. WTF? This is not a chore. Why do I have to BEG my HUSBAND for sex? And I have said this too him more than once. He has promised me numerous times that this will change but it has not. 

I was not looking to have an affair because it just makes things more complicated. BUT I can say, there are LESS arguements in our house over the issue and I am less stressed these days.


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

You should leave him. I see a world of hurt in the offing.


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## jezza (Jan 12, 2011)

Mrs InLove....it is our birthright to love and be loved both emotionally and physically. Everyone likes to be appreciated and complimented. If you are not getting any of this 'at home' from your husband then I see no harm in seeking solace elsewhere.
I think of marriage like a shop....you do all your shopping in the one shop, you are loyal to them and want to stay with them, but if they stop stocking, say coffee, which is something you love and enjoy, then you go to another shop just to buy the coffee.
The same in marriage. If you love your home, your life, your husband etc and want to stay but you don't get your sexual needs (coffee!) at home, then get it elsewhere.
If your husband is unhappy about it, tell him to start stocking coffee again and you'll get it from him!
Good luck!


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## Mrs. In Love..But (Jan 11, 2011)

@michzz: Although the problem seems big. I can't see leaving him over this issue. Also, he has an 11 year daughter that I have been help raising for the past 5 years (without her mom). So I am attached to her and she calls me her mother. There is no other mom in the picture. Now I know why people stay for the kids. They don't deserve this. But thanks anyway.


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## MarriedWifeInLove (May 28, 2010)

Mrs. In Love..But said:


> I feel like, I'm the guy and he's the women. Tell me what you think. Thanks.


I actually said something similar to my husband a few months ago - "You have more excuses than any woman I know." He took great offense to this comment and wouldn't speak to me for days. 

So you might want to "keep that to yourself." Apparently, comparing them with guys is okay, but not with a woman!


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

Mrs. In Love..But said:


> @michzz: Although the problem seems big. I can't see leaving him over this issue. Also, he has an 11 year daughter that I have been help raising for the past 5 years (without her mom). So I am attached to her and she calls me her mother. There is no other mom in the picture. Now I know why people stay for the kids. They don't deserve this. But thanks anyway.


The problem seems big because it is big.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lace5262 (Oct 13, 2010)

jezza said:


> Mrs InLove....it is our birthright to love and be loved both emotionally and physically. Everyone likes to be appreciated and complimented. If you are not getting any of this 'at home' from your husband then I see no harm in seeking solace elsewhere.
> I think of marriage like a shop....you do all your shopping in the one shop, you are loyal to them and want to stay with them, but if they stop stocking, say coffee, which is something you love and enjoy, then you go to another shop just to buy the coffee.
> The same in marriage. If you love your home, your life, your husband etc and want to stay but you don't get your sexual needs (coffee!) at home, then get it elsewhere.
> If your husband is unhappy about it, tell him to start stocking coffee again and you'll get it from him!
> Good luck!


You might not see any harm in her "seeking solace elsewhere", but I'd be more curious to know what her husband thinks. 

To the Op, I'm truly sorry for what you're going through, but stepping outside the marriage is never the answer. IMO, you need to come clean with your husband so he can decide if he wants to stay in the marriage. He also needs to know that you are putting his health in danger, if he ever decides to have sex with you again.


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## Mrs. In Love..But (Jan 11, 2011)

lace5262 said:


> You might not see any harm in her "seeking solace elsewhere", but I'd be more curious to know what her husband thinks.
> 
> To the Op, I'm truly sorry for what you're going through, but stepping outside the marriage is never the answer. IMO, you need to come clean with your husband so he can decide if he wants to stay in the marriage. He also needs to know that you are putting his health in danger, if he ever decides to have sex with you again.


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mrs. In Love..But (Jan 11, 2011)

I hate feeling as if I am the problem when I have communicated my sincere feelings with him numerous tttimes. I cannot change anyone's behavior. Why doesn't he also work on fixing the problem instead of disengaging all together? I appericate all the advice. I am not out for tit-for-tat games. I do love him but just want the passion, excitment and sex drive back. I would be his porn star, lover and friend for life (and he doesn't even have to ask). I just love him that much.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lace5262 (Oct 13, 2010)

Mrs. In Love..But said:


> I hate feeling as if I am the problem when I have communicated my sincere feelings with him numerous tttimes. I cannot change anyone's behavior. Why doesn't he also work on fixing the problem instead of disengaging all together? I appericate all the advice. I am not out for tit-for-tat games. I do love him but just want the passion, excitment and sex drive back. I would be his porn star, lover and friend for life (and he doesn't even have to ask). I just love him that much.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I'm not saying you're the sole problem in the marriage. Not.at.all. Your husband has to own his part for the condition of the marriage. IMO You are responsible for the affair though. The marriage has problems that need to be fixed, but having an affair is not going to help, it's only going to make it worse.


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

Mrs. In Love..But said:


> I am not out for tit-for-tat games.


What do you mean by this phrase?


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

Mrs. In Love..But said:


> Why doesn't he also work on fixing the problem instead of disengaging all together?


Could be he doesn't know how to fix it. Or there's so much pressure that he's choosing to avoid it and hope it blows over.


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## Mrs. In Love..But (Jan 11, 2011)

@niceguy777; you are right that he may not know how to fix it. Also when we talked last weekend he said he was just "hoping" things would get better. However I am a more let's find a way to fix this type of person, not letsee what will happen. I am going to try RandomGuy's suggestions for the couple of weeks and just tease him without the emphasis on sex and see where that leads.


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## joelmacdad (Jul 26, 2010)

Once again another thread that proves the double standard is fully in effect. When a man posts that he is "seeking solace elsewhere" to get more sex he is flamed to the nth degree and sometimes even blamed for being over sexual and not accepting of his wife's lower desire.

Flip that around and it is still the husband's fault almost exclusively.

Yes, some have posted otherwise in this thread, but not really.

I just dont get it.


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## lost all respect (Jan 20, 2011)

Mrs In Love, I too had an affair recently, the wife suspected things, found evidence and confronted me, I confessed ended the affair and we are working on the marriage now....together. We have days/weeks that are bad, but our sex life has been much improved....sometimes sex seems to be the main glue holding us together through this. It wasn't always that way though, and during the affair I ran hot and cold with sex.

I just can't fathom really trying to connect sexually with your husband while keeping a lover on the side......it was hard for me, comparisons of the spouse and lover become inevitable. Sex with your lover was exciting.......right? I can second that, but I can also say it can be again with a spouse.....as long as another lover isn't in the picture. 

Good luck to you


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