# Question for men - Middle Age Libido



## yeah_right (Oct 23, 2013)

I have a question for the middle aged men on here. My H is mid 40's. He is on the low end of his testosterone test but still within limits. He also takes meds that lower his drive (not a lot but can be noticeable). He tried Viagra/Cialis but hates the headaches that come with it.

We have been married over 20 years and have generally had a healthy sex life. But even when he was young, he could not "perform" more than once per day, except on occasion.

Within the last month or two, he has been able to go 2-3 times a day. Not always, but enough that we are wondering what the he!! is up. We are not complaining but just don't understand. I ask him what he's feeling and he just says he feels "horny". No other health changes that we can see but he's going to go to the Dr. just to be safe.

Have any of you experienced a mid life "push"? Again, we are not complaining. It's actually quite fun! I just wanted to get an idea before he goes to the Dr. As a dude, he's not going to ask his friends about this.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Has he started any dietary supplements? DHEA and some others may boost testosterone, which could lead to increased libido, but this seems excessive! If it's diet, I want some!! Do let us know.

Viagra and the like do not have any effect on libido, only ability to be aroused and maintain it. Anyway, enjoy!


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Do men lose their libido in their mid-40s?


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## In_The_Wind (Feb 17, 2012)

They can depends upon diet, exercise, medications etc the fence post tends to wear out before the fence post hole lol old Texas saying


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## yeah_right (Oct 23, 2013)

Jellybeans said:


> Do men lose their libido in their mid-40s?


Good question. Do they EVER lose it? HA!

He has always been able to get aroused, but not always maintain, and that has been the case for over a decade. He also has not been able to go more than once a day, even in his 20's. Seriously, three times to completion yesterday (over the course of a 12 hour period)! The look on face the last time was like a kid at Christmas.

I know that I went through an extreme increase in my mid 30's and am in a small increase now. But I know that's common with the ladies. I guess I'm just not as familiar with the male perspective, and neither is he obviously. LOL.

He is not taking any new supplements and his prescriptions have not changed. Exercise level has remained consistent and his eating habits are random. I try to provide healthy food at home but he will always sneak in fast food.

I guess I'm just worried about it being caused by a strange brain tumor or something!


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

yeah_right said:


> I have a question for the middle aged men on here. My H is mid 40's. He is on the low end of his testosterone test but still within limits. He also takes meds that lower his drive (not a lot but can be noticeable). He tried Viagra/Cialis but hates the headaches that come with it.
> 
> We have been married over 20 years and have generally had a healthy sex life. But even when he was young, he could not "perform" more than once per day, except on occasion.
> 
> ...


Maybe your hornier and he is feeding off of this somehow, raising his libido.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

My situation does not really reflect yours, but I am 42 and my libido has gone through the roof, far more than any oter time in my life.

The reason I say it does not reflect your situation is that a couple of years ago, I got out of a sexless, affectionless, loveless marriage. I am now with a new partner, with a very good and healthy relationship.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

yeah_right said:


> Good question. Do they EVER lose it? HA!
> 
> He has always been able to get aroused, but not always maintain, and that has been the case for over a decade. *He also has not been able to go more than once a day, even in his 20's. Seriously, three times to completion yesterday (over the course of a 12 hour period)!* The look on face the last time was like a kid at Christmas.
> 
> ...


I was pretty much the same way, but since I have been with my STBW, multiple times a day has not been an issue. Three times yesterday, three on Sunday, and four on Saturday.

I think it is a combination of things. First and foremost, I have never been so completely attracted to any woman ever in every way as I am her. The fact that she initiates at least as much as me, and is so enthusiastic, as treyvion said, I am sure my desire is feeding off of her desire.

Lord help me when she hits her peak...


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

yeah_right said:


> Good question. Do they EVER lose it? HA!


Yes, or at least it declines due to testosterone levels naturally declining with age. It affects some more than others, and some hardly at all.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

samyeagar said:


> My situation does not really reflect yours, but I am 42 and my libido has gone through the roof, far more than any oter time in my life.
> 
> The reason I say it does not reflect your situation is that a couple of years ago, I got out of a sexless, affectionless, loveless marriage. I am now with a new partner, with a very good and healthy relationship.


Your emotional outlook, confidence, peace of mind, quality of life is many times over what it was during the bleak outlook of a sexless marriage.


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## Thunder7 (Jan 2, 2013)

I'm almost 50 and I'm hornier now than I was when I was 35. Don't know why? Just wish my wife was too. 

Here's a sort of related question. Has anyone seen that better sex infomercial that plays late at night advertising androzine? Has anyone tried it? They advertise it as a better alternative to viargra, because it's supposed to be beneficial in all aspects of left. Just curious.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

Thunder7 said:


> I'm almost 50 and I'm hornier now than I was when I was 35. Don't know why? Just wish my wife was too.
> 
> Here's a sort of related question. Has anyone seen that better sex infomercial that plays late at night advertising androzine? Has anyone tried it? They advertise it as a better alternative to viargra, because it's supposed to be beneficial in all aspects of left. Just curious.


Have you found a good female libido enhancer?


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## Thunder7 (Jan 2, 2013)

treyvion said:


> Have you found a good female libido enhancer?


Ha! Never heard of one.


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## NewHubs (Dec 23, 2012)

I'm far from middle age...well not too far I guess and right now my libido is out of control. I'm hoping this lasts well into my 40s


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

treyvion said:


> Have you found a good female libido enhancer?


Yeah...Me


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Touché!


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

yeah_right said:


> *Within the last month or two, he has been able to go 2-3 times a day. Not always, but enough that we are wondering what the he!! is up. We are not complaining but just don't understand. I ask him what he's feeling and he just says he feels "horny". * No other health changes that we can see but he's going to go to the Dr. just to be safe.
> 
> Have any of you experienced a mid life "push"? *Again, we are not complaining. It's actually quite fun! *I just wanted to get an idea before he goes to the Dr. As a dude, he's not going to ask his friends about this.


You lucky woman YOU.... let me take a stab at this.. maybe since this is your sexual PRIME years .... you have gotten more open/ creative sexually...(??)....and it's heightened his libido as well.....they say it all starts in the mind...it is very odd though if he is taking meds that generally lower his drive. 

I would have died and went to heaven if that happened to my husband at age 45... that's when I sent him to the Doc to get his Test checked cause he couldn't keep up with My "push" -wanting 3 times a day suddenly .(he was lower end normal also)....I was overload horny, to the point I was wondering if I had a sex addiction... that high lasted 8 full months...then tapered down some... Very thankful for those little blue pills during that time. ...just gave him a stuffy nose 

Libido is a strange animal.. the more you massage the dopamine centers of your brain with these pleasure rushs...they more you want to do it again...


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## rush (Mar 29, 2013)

My mind is willing at 55, but I do not think I could do it 3 times every day


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## sh987 (Oct 10, 2013)

My wife has a little over ten years experience in the OR as a urology nurse. Her take:

-To start with, has he been going for his yearly physical?
-Anytime there's a change in your health, it's NEVER a bad idea to go and see your doctor.

She wants this pointed out as well: it doesn't necessarily indicate that there's anything negative going on, or that he has a problem... It's just to a good idea to get it checked.

Good luck.


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## yeah_right (Oct 23, 2013)

treyvion said:


> Have you found a good female libido enhancer?


Foreplay and/or doing some chores around the house make me hot!


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## yeah_right (Oct 23, 2013)

sh987 said:


> My wife has a little over ten years experience in the OR as a urology nurse. Her take:
> 
> -To start with, has he been going for his yearly physical?
> -Anytime there's a change in your health, it's NEVER a bad idea to go and see your doctor.
> ...


He gets regular physicals and is due for the next one in a few months. I'm trying to get him to go sooner, but he's unsure how to word this "problem" to his Dr. I may have to go with him to the appt.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

I weight train, eat healthy, take supplements and initiate sex with the wifee often. Good solid exercise that raises test, weight training does this for me. I could still have sex 1 - 3x day. Worse case, 1x day. On my Intermittent Fasting weekends, I can only go 1x day due to being somewhat dehydrated and the lack of food for 16 hours of my 24 hour day.


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## sh987 (Oct 10, 2013)

yeah_right said:


> He gets regular physicals and is due for the next one in a few months. I'm trying to get him to go sooner, but he's unsure how to word this "problem" to his Dr. *I may have to go with him to the appt.*


Mrs. sh987 concurs.

Paraphrasing here:

It's not necessarily a "problem", but it is a fairly unexpected change in his body; something quite different than what you've seen in the past. Men can have very high levels of sexual health/ability until an advanced age, but let's face it: our sexual peaks happen much earlier.

It's almost assuredly nothing, but checking never hurts. And because it's potentially embarrassing, it's a good idea for you to be there to support him.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

I'm only 37, and while my general desire and lust always tend be high my actual libido (sex drive, energy reserved for sex and physiological response) varies from day to day, and is also much less strong than ten years ago (new marriage, before kids, before divorce). I find that once in while I get in a little groove where something arousing arouses me further. Like a little positive feedback, or echo effect. I can usually sustain these until I get distracted by stress or other things in my life that need my attention.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

Thunder7 said:


> Ha! Never heard of one.


Supposedly "PT-141" is supposed to increase the libido on females, but it requires an injection. The needle is slim around the diameter required for insulin injections, still I couldn't see being able to get my lady to take shots to help it...


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## OhGeesh (Jan 5, 2010)

yeah_right said:


> I have a question for the middle aged men on here. My H is mid 40's. He is on the low end of his testosterone test but still within limits. He also takes meds that lower his drive (not a lot but can be noticeable). He tried Viagra/Cialis but hates the headaches that come with it.
> 
> We have been married over 20 years and have generally had a healthy sex life. But even when he was young, he could not "perform" more than once per day, except on occasion.
> 
> ...


Nope.............I don't do quickies, so if I had sex 3 times you are looking at 3-6hrs and that aint happening.

The whole test thing is way overrated!! I'm on test and I'm not any hornier now than I was before....maybe a little bit. I'm at the top of my range too.

Viagra now that stuff is golden, best drug ever made. Just pop two inbuprofe, one shot of nasal spray, and the wife better be ready cause if can be a long night!!


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

OhGeesh said:


> Viagra now that stuff is golden, best drug ever made. Just pop two inbuprofe, one shot of nasal spray, and the wife better be ready cause if can be a long night!!


Is that a "_Hard_ day's night?"


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## RClawson (Sep 19, 2011)

I never had a libido issue until I realized my wife was "just not that into me". Just another one of the special perks of our relationship.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Mr H is in his 50 and can go 3 times a day, it is not the norm for us during the week but weekends yes. 

But our situation is different to yours and more like Sams. We are new, coming up to 3 years this year but even so we are middle aged and have very busy lives. His libido has not changed since day one and I hope it doesn't for a long, long time. 

I agree have him see the Dr but also consider that there may be some sort of renewed attraction/ cycle going on and you are both feeding off each other.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Holland said:


> Mr H is in his 50 and can go 3 times a day, it is not the norm for us during the week but weekends yes.
> 
> But our situation is different to yours and more like Sams. We are new, coming up to 3 years this year but even so we are middle aged and have very busy lives. His libido has not changed since day one and I hope it doesn't for a long, long time.
> 
> I agree have him see the Dr but also consider that *there may be some sort of renewed attraction/ cycle going on and you are both feeding off each other*.


This may be exactly what is going on. It pretty much describes what happened when I met my STBW. The final four years of my marriage were sexless, and my libido was completely gone. Then along she comes, and that first kiss...oh that first kiss...

ETA: Mr and Mrs H have been together a bit longer than my STBW and I, but we are coming up on the two year mark, and if anything, things have gotten more sexually intense as time has gone on, and it started out with a bang...


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## Enginerd (May 24, 2011)

My libido increases when my wife is happy and horny which was not always the case over the last 20 years. It could be you. Have you changed your approach lately?


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## yeah_right (Oct 23, 2013)

Well, TBH, we are in R from his EA last year. We have both worked very hard to not only work through that but also figure out how to make the marriage better in general. I guess those vibes are helping to make us sexier to each other...and this aspect should have been obvious to us. Duh! But we're still making a trip to the Dr. next week.

Thank you guys! It's comforting to know that you also go through cycles/ups and downs. I wish men could talk more openly like women do, besides online here.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

Enginerd said:


> My libido increases when my wife is happy and horny which was not always the case over the last 20 years. It could be you. Have you changed your approach lately?


Possibly when they are negative and critical it will strip our sex drive and confidence in the sex act with them over tme.

I like that happy and horny.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

RClawson said:


> I never had a libido issue until I realized my wife was "just not that into me". Just another one of the special perks of our relationship.


How long would you say that process took?

And you know the way to get it back is to get someone who looks at you with the proper level of attention, so either to reclaim attractiveness within your situation, but much easier is find someone else who gives you that up front.


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## U.E. McGill (Nov 27, 2013)

Enginerd said:


> My libido increases when my wife is happy and horny which was not always the case over the last 20 years. It could be you. Have you changed your approach lately?



I'm 41 and can't echo this enough. If my wife was my personal "*****", I could go 3x a day. No problem. 

We get busy, lower priorities etc, but if she was available in mind and body, I'd have no libido issues. When she's crazy ***** cause the kids are acting up or she's complaining about my travel.... I'd rather read.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

U.E. McGill said:


> I'm 41 and can't echo this enough. If my wife was my personal "*****", I could go 3x a day. No problem.
> 
> We get busy, lower priorities etc, but if she was available in mind and body, I'd have no libido issues. When she's crazy ***** cause the kids are acting up or she's complaining about my travel.... I'd rather read.


Great how you describe this. Basically what the situation causes you to focus on can change your perception and hence your sex drive.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

treyvion said:


> Great how you describe this. Basically what the situation causes you to focus on can change your perception and hence your sex drive.


A type of responsive desire.


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## yeah_right (Oct 23, 2013)

U.E. McGill said:


> We get busy, lower priorities etc, but if she was available in mind and body, I'd have no libido issues. When she's crazy ***** cause the kids are acting up or she's complaining about my travel.... I'd rather read.



Just playing devil's advocate here...when the kids act up, do you help calm them down or just read while she handles it? Sometimes women can reach a breaking point with their offspring, no matter how much they love them. And when you travel, do you ever have naughty skype time or send flirty texts? Just to keep the spark alive while you're gone. I know it's hard. It was much easier for us as the kids got older.


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## CaptainLOTO (Nov 6, 2013)

yeah_right said:


> Well, TBH, we are in R from his EA last year.



This is probably your answer. It's pretty common with "Marital Trauma" to have a sudden ramp up in sex drive.

:smthumbup: Enjoy :smthumbup:


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## U.E. McGill (Nov 27, 2013)

yeah_right said:


> Just playing devil's advocate here...when the kids act up, do you help calm them down or just read while she handles it? Sometimes women can reach a breaking point with their offspring, no matter how much they love them. And when you travel, do you ever have naughty skype time or send flirty texts? Just to keep the spark alive while you're gone. I know it's hard. It was much easier for us as the kids got older.



It depends. We have a rule for discipline. If you start it, you finish it. So if she starts a time out, she has to finish it. Sometimes they won't leave her alone, but that's self inflicted. She has a habit of answering her kids no matter what, instead of ignoring them or making them wait. They torture her, that's self inflicted and I have no patience for that. If they get out of hand otherwise, I will be the heavy. 

We talk and text all the time when I travel.


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## john1068 (Nov 12, 2013)

yeah_right said:


> Have any of you experienced a mid life "push"? Again, we are not complaining. It's actually quite fun! I just wanted to get an idea before he goes to the Dr. As a dude, he's not going to ask his friends about this.


I turned 45 in October, and while nothing magical happened on that date, I can use it as a benchmark for timing purposes. My W and were having sex less than 4 times/mo prior. Then bam! I can't seem to get enough, I literally could go 3 times per day...every day. 

Have no idea what my T level is, but I'm guessing it's somewhere around where it was when I was 18, because, well, I'm always ready to go. I hope it doesn't go away...


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## spanz (Feb 6, 2014)

yeah I am hornier now (59) than I was 15 years ago. Not sure why. Just sit back and enjoy my dear. gift horse, mouth, and all that


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## FizzBomb (Dec 31, 2013)

treyvion said:


> Have you found a good female libido enhancer?


Female testosterone cream. Available only by prescription in Australia. Rest of the world - don't know whether you need a script or if you can get it without one. Get T checked by doctor, if borderline and you're having libido issues then push for supplementation.


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## thummper (Dec 19, 2013)

Happy to say there ain't nothin' wrong with THIS ol' boy's libido. The topic occupies my mind a good portion of the day. I feel like a young man in that respect, I just can't perform like a young man anymore.


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## spanz (Feb 6, 2014)

FizzBomb said:


> Female testosterone cream. Available only by prescription in Australia. Rest of the world - don't know whether you need a script or if you can get it without one. Get T checked by doctor, if borderline and you're having libido issues then push for supplementation.


some of the breaking research on testosterone treatments is that they may cause in increase in heart disease. They think it may have something to increased red platlet count which thickens the blood. I can see a need for it if there is a documented low T count, but just to get horny...I would try other methods. No one ever had a heart attack from too much porn or a good role play!! lol


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## Code-Welder (Dec 17, 2012)

Jellybeans said:


> Do men lose their libido in their mid-40s?


It can slowly reduce based on age, 40s is when men first begin to notice..


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## Luvmyjava (Feb 9, 2014)

Hi,
56 yr male here..

I'll offer my own version..

At my age, libido is very temperamental. I find that stress and anxiety greatly affect my desires, more than ever. OTOH, exercise GREATLY increases it on the same day.
If I get a good aerobic workout, I can guarantee that I'm a horney toad the rest of the day. The added blood flow, combined with the natural dilation of the blood vessels, gets me going.

So IMO,I feel the reduced activity plays a big role.

I workout and cycle every day.. I do feel a difference.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

In my 40's. 

I find there are many factors.

The physical stuff:

#1 am I in shape? When I'm out of shape, I want sex less.

#2 am I lifting heavy things? Days I hit the weights I want sex more. A LOT more.

#3 am I eating right? When I lay off the nachos and beer I want sex more.

#4 am I supplementing wisely? When I take omega-3s and vitamin Ds, I want sex more.

#5 am I sleeping well? Duh.

The emotional stuff:

#1 If I think my wife is being b!tchy, I don't want her.

#2 If I think I'm being disrespected, I don't want her.

#3 If I think she's not making an effort to dress attractively or open to sex, I want her less.

#4 If she's gained too much weight, I want her less.

#5 If she's uncomfortable in her own skin, or too self conscious, I want her less.

I find all these things more and more important the older I get. My prime motivator is to get my physical stuff in line, and try to set up a relationship to keep the emotional stuff in line.

But if she doesn't hold up her end of the deal, my drive goes way, way down. And the older I get, the easier it is to control.


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