# Why won’t my husband have sex with me?!



## SDmotherandwife (Feb 9, 2021)

I’m 36, in shape and fairly good looking I would say. My husband and I have been together for just over 10 years, married for four years. For probably the first 5 years sex was great but after slowly started to decrease. I’ve caught him masturbating many times, watching porn and have been contacted by other women saying he has cheated on me. I made the decision to stay but now there is little to no sex at all. I know he likes it when I wear high heels and dress sexy but I can’t always do that when I want to have sex. Sometimes you just want a quickie ya know. We have been trying to have a baby so the only time we have sex is when I’m ovulating. I’m lucky to get it once a month from him. At this point I’m sexually frustrated aside from the fact that we have other issues. We are in couples therapy now but I’m wondering if it’s too late. How long do I wait before I know it’s over? I desperately want a baby and I’m not getting any younger.


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## manwithnoname (Feb 3, 2017)

For starters, seems like a bad idea to have a child with him.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

SDmotherandwife said:


> At this point I’m sexually frustrated aside from the fact that *we have other issues. We are in couples therapy* now but I’m wondering if it’s too late.


The answer to your question is this.



> I’ve caught him masturbating many times, watching porn *and have been contacted by other women saying he has cheated on me.*


Especially this as well.

Plus being with a guy for 10 years then the sex declines at the 5 year mark. Ought to be enough to tell you not to get married at the 6 year mark.

That said considering what you settled for, you should know it's never too late to divorce.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

I can’t think of a worse idea than having a baby with a known cheater that you are sexually incompatible with. Maybe you could punch yourself in the face as well ??

what in the world are you thinking???


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

So he masturbates to porn rather than have sex with you, and he has also cheated probably many times. Why on earth would you want a baby with him?


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## No Longer Lonely Husband (Nov 3, 2015)

SDmotherandwife said:


> I’m 36, in shape and fairly good looking I would say. My husband and I have been together for just over 10 years, married for four years. For probably the first 5 years sex was great but after slowly started to decrease. I’ve caught him masturbating many times, watching porn and have been contacted by other women saying he has cheated on me. I made the decision to stay but now there is little to no sex at all. I know he likes it when I wear high heels and dress sexy but I can’t always do that when I want to have sex. Sometimes you just want a quickie ya know. We have been trying to have a baby so the only time we have sex is when I’m ovulating. I’m lucky to get it once a month from him. At this point I’m sexually frustrated aside from the fact that we have other issues. We are in couples therapy now but I’m wondering if it’s too late. How long do I wait before I know it’s over? I desperately want a baby and I’m not getting any younger.


Why in the world would you desire a child with a man like this? He has shown you who he is. Believe him. A child deserves better than to be born into a dysfunctional marriage. If you think a child will Help repair your marriage you are sadly mistaken. 

He does not respect you in my opinion from your post. You deserve better.


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## GC1234 (Apr 15, 2020)

Do not have any kids with him. Leave and start your life over. More than one woman has said he cheated on you....consider that a gift. Please do not stay.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

Eventually, that serial cheater you're married to will bring home some fun STD to you, and potentially your unborn child. 

Stop having sex with a guy who cheats. Stop trying to have a baby with a guy who cheats, lies, and is very clearly not marriage material. 

Honey, going to a sperm bank to have a baby would be infinitely less expensive, less dangerous, less painful, and generally just less trouble overall. Having a baby with this man is insanity.


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

The reason you are not having sex because his sexual energy is being spent elsewhere...whether it is porn, other women, or likely both.

Some people simply struggle with monogamy. Perhaps your husband is that type of person.

Either way, all odds are that he has cheated (or is currently cheating) on you.

The more important question is why you would want to remain with someone who clearly doesn't value you as you should be valued. This is your issue to deal with. 

Normally, once somebody truly begins to understand how to value and love themselves, they ditch the low character partner in their life.

I suspect it'll be much the same for you.



Sent from my Pixel 3 XL using Tapatalk


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## FlaviusMaximus (Jan 10, 2012)

Do not have a child with this man. A child will not remedy his behavior or mask his habits. It sounds like having a child is important to you. First decide whether you want a child raised by this man who has less and less time for you.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

You may desperately want a baby, and you're right the clock is ticking, but this is not the right man to start a family with. You would be far better off divorcing this man and using a sperm donor. Sometimes family planning doesn't go the way we intended, and that's okay. 

There is a reason your husband doesn't want to have sex anymore, but we can only guess what that is. Has it come up in marriage counseling? If not, why? If he's refusing to work on that issue then your marriage is doomed. 

Like said above, he could be too busy with porn and/or other women. What was done to resolve those issues, or did you just sweep it under the rug and he promised to never, ever do it again? It's also possible (though doesn't seem likely in your case) that he just really doesn't want children. 

You need to get on birth control, or stop having sex, and set a time limit. Give the marriage say 3-6 months and if there isn't enough change in that time, it's time to end it. Or you can call it quits now and no one would fault you for that.

For the record, I have plenty of friends in their mid to late 30's who haven't had kids yet but want them. Some are married, some are not. You're definitely not alone there.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)




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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

SDmotherandwife said:


> I’m 36, in shape and fairly good looking I would say. My husband and I have been together for just over 10 years, married for four years. For probably the first 5 years sex was great but after slowly started to decrease. I’ve caught him masturbating many times, watching porn and have been contacted by other women saying he has cheated on me. I made the decision to stay but now there is little to no sex at all. I know he likes it when I wear high heels and dress sexy but I can’t always do that when I want to have sex. Sometimes you just want a quickie ya know. We have been trying to have a baby so the only time we have sex is when I’m ovulating. I’m lucky to get it once a month from him. At this point I’m sexually frustrated aside from the fact that we have other issues. We are in couples therapy now but I’m wondering if it’s too late. How long do I wait before I know it’s over? I desperately want a baby and I’m not getting any younger.


I'm sorry for your circumstances but he is a loser that shouldn't reproduce.

I know your clock is ticking but this guy isn't a good choice.

You might want to revamp your views on life, restructure yourself and you can hopefully find a real man within your window.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

SDmotherandwife said:


> I’m 36, in shape and fairly good looking I would say. My husband and I have been together for just over 10 years, married for four years. For probably the first 5 years sex was great but after slowly started to decrease. I’ve caught him masturbating many times, watching porn and have been contacted by other women saying he has cheated on me. I made the decision to stay but now there is little to no sex at all. I know he likes it when I wear high heels and dress sexy but I can’t always do that when I want to have sex. Sometimes you just want a quickie ya know. We have been trying to have a baby so the only time we have sex is when I’m ovulating. I’m lucky to get it once a month from him. At this point I’m sexually frustrated aside from the fact that we have other issues. We are in couples therapy now but I’m wondering if it’s too late. How long do I wait before I know it’s over? I desperately want a baby and I’m not getting any younger.


To say it as simple as possible, it seems like he has checked out. (Don't have kids with this man, you will regret it.) He is not in the marriage and is either looking for other prospects or just enjoying the security you give him but also finding sexual satisfaction elsewhere.

I am sorry that is hard to hear, but better to operate out the truth even if it hurts at first.

You deserve better.


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## CatholicDad (Oct 30, 2017)

Sorry with what you're going through. Assuming he isn't cheating I'd presume he still is on porn. If he would give that up he would desire you more. The next problem with habitual porn will be ED issues. As long as porn is involved- it's not going to improve.


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

36, in shape, attractive, and willing? What kind of guy picks porn over an enthusiastic wife with a warm... 

What is going on with some guys? I read stories like this and think no way, that can’t be real. porn is really turning some men insane.

I know the biological clock is ticking hard in your head and you probably are thinking about the sunken cost but do you really want a guy like this to be the father of your children?


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## DesertRat1978 (Aug 27, 2013)

Known cheater... that should be a major red flag. Hate to tell you but after the child, this lack of sex is only going to get worse. He will be increasingly likely to step out on you being as babies take all of your time and energy. Also, his apparent lack of interest is not going to get jump started when you are breastfeeding, lactating, and having possible female issues.


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## Trident (May 23, 2018)

SDmotherandwife said:


> he likes it when I wear high heels and dress sexy but I can’t always do that when I want to have sex.


Sure you can. Geez some people have no imagination.


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## SDmotherandwife (Feb 9, 2021)

manwithnoname said:


> For starters, seems like a bad idea to have a child with him.


I have gone 


Mr.Married said:


> I can’t think of a worse idea than having a baby with a known cheater that you are sexually incompatible with. Maybe you could punch yourself in the face as well ??
> 
> what in the world are you thinking???


My partner actually is the best lay I’ve ever had so it’s not that we arent compatible. He has gained 50lbs or more so I’m not sure if that has anything to do with it. We already have one child.


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## FlaviusMaximus (Jan 10, 2012)

When you say "we’re trying to have a baby" but don’t mention that you already have a child, it gives people the impression you don’t have any kids. That’s really odd. Regardless, your description of your husband is that he is likely a cheater, a porn addict and has less and less time for you. Since you already have a child knowing this environment and you’re contemplating another child with this guy, what exactly are you asking? Seems to me all your questions are answered. 

And you know, he may be the greatest f*#k in the world, but if you aren’t getting any, what does that matter?


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## manwithnoname (Feb 3, 2017)

SDmotherandwife said:


> My partner actually is the best lay I’ve ever had so it’s not that we arent compatible. He has gained 50lbs or more so I’m not sure if that has anything to do with it. We already have one child.


You admit that you are sexually frustrated at the once a month sex, and admit your marriage has other problems. At this point it seems he's only having sex with you to try for a baby. Do you believe the other women? I do. Maybe they're wearing high heels and dressing sexy.


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## MaiChi (Jun 20, 2018)

SDmotherandwife said:


> I’m 36, in shape and fairly good looking I would say. My husband and I have been together for just over 10 years, married for four years. For probably the first 5 years sex was great but after slowly started to decrease. I’ve caught him masturbating many times, watching porn and have been contacted by other women saying he has cheated on me. I made the decision to stay but now there is little to no sex at all. I know he likes it when I wear high heels and dress sexy but I can’t always do that when I want to have sex. Sometimes you just want a quickie ya know. We have been trying to have a baby so the only time we have sex is when I’m ovulating. I’m lucky to get it once a month from him. At this point I’m sexually frustrated aside from the fact that we have other issues. We are in couples therapy now but I’m wondering if it’s too late. How long do I wait before I know it’s over? I desperately want a baby and I’m not getting any younger.


Please get off the baby thing asap!!!
It is totally the wrong time to be thinking about a baby. Poor baby that would be to start life with such a bad setting. 

If he is not having sex with you and he likes it, he cheats on you, he has solo sex, it means he has gone off you completely. You really need to discuss where he is at and get a clear picture from which to make valid decisions. I would consider this to be a very serious situation.


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## AVR1962 (May 30, 2012)

Having a child will not help bring the two of you together. Infact, it will probably do just the opposite. The man is wanting "new." He probably likes the chase, likes the variety and gets excitement from just that. Porn is fantasy and it sounds like your husband is seeking thrills and not engaging in a real relationship where two people can better the partnership. Don't wait expecting change and don't expect him to change by trying to be more sexy or alluring as this is not your problem, this is simply the way he is. You deserve to be loved and wanted by someone who is loyal to you. Have a child with a man who can provide you what your heart desires. I know this is not easy but do you really want to continue down this road with your husband cheating? Once a cheater, always a cheater.


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## Teacher29today (Feb 11, 2021)

manwithnoname said:


> For starters, seems like a bad idea to have a child with him.


Sound like he's addicted to porn and you probably don't want to have a baby by him knowing he has this addiction, because its not going to be easy for him to stop. He's probably leave you first, so be careful.


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