# Won't Orgasm



## sunnylove (Mar 27, 2012)

I put this in the ladies place (as opposed to the sex talk place) because I mostly wanted women's responses.  My husband and I got married a little over 2 weeks ago, and we've probably had intercourse 20ish times? (We waited until we were married.) And I have not orgasmed yet. I know this is pretty normal, but I'm young and wanted advice from you ladies. Does that get better?

For the record, it's honestly not been a concern. I didn't have expectations of an orgasm via penetration, and it's not something I get frustrated about if it doesn't happen, I know it's normal. And sex is awesome even if I don't orgasm. I can orgasm just fine via fingering/oral etc. (I've been masturbating since I was like 11, so have had no problems.) But I did notice with fingering/oral, it took a few months before I legitimately got off for the first time, and I've been getting off ever since then no problem. Is it the same with intercourse?

I know there are ways during sex to stimulate the clitoris, but I don't want to orgasm that way during intercourse. Advice?


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## LovesHerMan (Jul 28, 2011)

Wikipedia has an article with everything you want to know about the clitoris:

Clitoris - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

It states that 70% of women orgasm only with clitoral stimulation. Some people do think that the roots of the clitoris extend into the vagina, and that is how you can have a vaginal orgasm.

Keep exploring with your husband. Sexual compatibility takes time to develop. There is no right or wrong way to orgasm. But do be aware that you may not be able to do it vaginally.


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

Reach down an stimulate yourself during sex.


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

I'm a bit concerned about why your are asking this questions, esp. after only 2 weeks of "practice." 

Not wanting to orgasm "that way" (with other stimulation) during intercourse gives the impression you believe that there are right ways and wrong ways--there are not. There are different ways. Even people who orgasm easily during intercourse will want OTHER ways--the same thing gets boring! Keep your sexual tool kit open (open minded)--you will need it over the years

If you have the idea that reaching orgasm during intercourse is somehow "special," you may be setting yourself up for disappointment. If it happens, fine; if it doesn't, also fine. It's not the "be all and end all" of sex and/or intimacy; it does not mean that you are having better sex than you would have without it. Plenty of folks who have orgasm during intercourse also have otherwise disappointing sex lives and may end up divorced for various reasons. 

So, if you are reaching orgasm and enjoying sex with your new husband, great! It takes a lot of time to teach someone about your body--and you will continue to learn yourself. Never hold back on being honest about sex--or anything else, for that matter--and your chances at a very happy and successful marriage (as long as you are honest and have good communication skills) will be much better.

Congrats, and good luck!


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

It takes a long time to really know how to vaginally orgasm.

It doesn't happen for many, many women. I can only achieve that type of orgasm with him on top and my butt elevated a bit.

But penis in vagina does NOT equal orgasm. Sorry. you're completely normal. 

Congrats on the marriage!!! Read this whooooole site so you guys don't eff it up


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## River1977 (Oct 25, 2010)

that_girl said:


> It takes a long time to really know how to vaginally orgasm.


No it doesn't. I don't know what that means because it does not take a long time. It simply takes a lesson in learning your body.

Sunnylove, the act of intercourse produces different effects for men and women. For most, it seems neither men nor women seem to understand that and then say things like "most women don't have vaginal orgasms" or "it takes a long time to really know how." The difference is that men need the friction (the in and out mostion, not that he withdraws all the way out of course), which is the reason his hand, your hand, and your mouth are similar stimulants (though men may prefer one over the other). There is more to making love, but I'm not talking about the other stuff. I'm only talking about the act of intercourse itself.

Women though don't need the friction, which is the reason so many woman don't orgasm vaginally. We get caught up in what we understand the act itself to be (the in and out motion), and then wonder why we do not or cannot orgasm. The reason is the act - the motion that causes friction - is not stimulating to us. There is nothing inside the vagina that is sensitive in the way our clitoris is sensitive to friction and the way just under the tip of a man's penis is sensitive to friction. That's the reason we like oral so much and masturbating. A man's penis and our clitoris are very similar in that respect and in physical aspect. I don't know if you knew this, and I certainly don't want to confuse you to say the penis and the clitoris were once (during gestation) the same organ. That's why they are so much alike and respond to similar stimulation. (I'm sure I don't have to explain the obvious differences between males and females that occur later during gestation.) There is also the sensitive area underneath the clitoris (between clitoris and vagina) that responds to friction (rubbing or massaging it).

But, again, there is nothing inside the vagina that is similar to that. Instead, we have zones (areas or spots) inside that respond to pressure, not friction. Rubbing against those pressure points does nothing unless pressure is applied during rubbing. Pressure has to be applied to stimulate those areas. One zone - the one that is nearest to the vaginal opening and easiest to access - has become known as the G-spot. The G-spot responds very well to repeated pressure.

The G-spot is located just about 2 inches (more or less for you) inside at the top of the vagina. Have your husband insert one or two fingers (with the palm of his hand facing upward toward the ceiling) to find it. It is a ridgy area that feels like the roof of your mouth feels. He can bring you to orgasm by repeatedly applying pressure there. Tell him to crook his fingers back and forth. You know the way you crook your index finger to tell someone to come here. Everyone knows that motion of the finger, and that's what he needs to do to your G-spot. He can also bring you to orgasm during intercourse by concentrating pressure with his penis on that area. That means he will not insert his penis all the way inside, but just far enough to hit your G-spot. 

That's a big reason most women don't orgasm vaginally and think it's normal not to. Her man penetrates himself way past her most sensitive area and then motions in and out to cause friction during the act of sex, rather than applying pressure for her pleasure. One really good position to access the G-spot during intercourse is to raise your legs and rest your ankles on his shoulders, then have him lean forward so as to make you bend your knees. So long as he does not penetrate past the G-spot area, he will drive you wild when hitting it.

Other errogenous zones for women are located deeper/farther inside the vagina and are known as A-spots. Not all men are large enough or long enough to reach those A-spots, but it usually doesn't matter as long as he at least makes the effort to hit your G-spot. If your husband is large enough or long enough to reach your A-spot areas, then have him take his time. Like I said, we don't need the friction but the pressure, so long, leisurely stroking may be necessary. We women don't normally like jack rabbit sex, but if that's your cup of tea then it's fine. You both should take the time to learn what you like most, whether fast, slow, or somewhere in between. I respond best to slow love making and pressure applied leisurely. He presses himself inside and holds himself there for just a moment before withdrawing slightly to relieve the pressure, and then penetrates deeply again applying pressure again. The passion, the ecstacy, the excitement, and the orgasm build until I need him to go a little bit faster and not withdraw far at all, mostly just humping at a moderate pace.

You and hubby are new to sex and should do a lot of exploring each other's bodies to learn what you each like and dislike. Don't be afraid or ashamed. It's fun and will go a long way to sustain a happy, healthy, and satisfying sex life for both of you. I am so glad you asked this question because wondering and not knowing can cause problems emotionally. I am married for the second time, but my first marriage was a disaster for many reasons, and sex was one of them. I had needs and didn't know what they were. I thought sex would be satisfying, but it wasn't, so I was very confused and had no one to talk to. I was his first and he was my second, so neither of us knew anything about love making. I didn't know or understand my own body, so I couldn't help him satisfy me. He liked oral sex, but not even that was satisfying. We were just doing things and didn't know HOW to do any of it. It was very frustrating for me and seriously affected how I felt about him.

Sorry for the extremely long response, but I hope I was of some help to you here.


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

If you can get that "grind" on, you might have an orgasm! Works for me!


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## PartyGalAnne (Jun 4, 2010)

Ok, so you know how to orgasm by yourself! Congrats! Now the two of you just have to find positions that stimulate you in the way you like. If you generally rub your clitoris, then try getting on top and grinding on his pubic bone for the same result. 
Sometimes it can take something as simple as a pillow under your butt or your legs at a different angle in the air to recreate the stimulation you like.
Good Luck!

PS- If you are a bit adventurous, a vibrating C-ring will do wonders!


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

River1977 said:


> No it doesn't. I don't know what that means because it does not take a long time. It simply takes a lesson in learning your body.
> 
> Sunnylove, the act of intercourse produces different effects for men and women. For most, it seems neither men nor women seem to understand that and then say things like "most women don't have vaginal orgasms" or "it takes a long time to really know how." The difference is that men need the friction (the in and out mostion, not that he withdraws all the way out of course), which is the reason his hand, your hand, and your mouth are similar stimulants (though men may prefer one over the other). There is more to making love, but I'm not talking about the other stuff. I'm only talking about the act of intercourse itself.
> 
> ...


I know this going to sound like I'm teasing but I'm dead serious.

OMG! You just taught me da sects!!!!

I've been doing it wrong.


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## dardarla (Apr 3, 2012)

Sometimes it could be blocked by emotional hang-up's (this was my situation). The most important thing for me to learn was to just relax. 

Enjoy yourself, focus on the sensations, communicate what you like and don't think about having an orgasm- just have a good time and eventually it will come.


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## isla~mama (Feb 1, 2012)

It's rare to be able to orgasm with only vaginal stimulation. You're probably going to have to finger your clit or use a toy. I love sex and have been having sex for 20 years and I've never once had an O with vaginal stimulation only nor do I want/ expect to.


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## Chelle D (Nov 30, 2011)

I still (after 23 years w/ hubs) cannot , or very very rarely orgasm while vaginal intercourse alone.

I need clitoral stimulation while he is inside me. He encourages it. & likes to see me satisfied. It might be akward the first few times you do it, but, I have a feeling he will like it after you orgasm with him inside you.

Definetly TALK about it with him afterwards.... You don't want bottled up resentment from him thinking that he is "not enough".


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