# Does the passion ever come back?



## AZMOMOFTWO (Jun 30, 2008)

I know this is a rollercoaster of emotions, recovering from your spouse's betrayal. What I want to know is this what everyone else goes through and is it a stage and it will pass? 

I feel almost number. It was Aug of last year I disovered H's affair. Supposedly there has been no contact since and this was the one and only time and it was the stupidest thing he has ever done...etc. 

At first I would have done anything to save the marriage but lately what appeals to me is being alone. I don't mean without my kids but without my H. The one thing that I fear is that it will happen again, that I don't think I could handle so I'm sure I built up these walls to help protect me but now maybe its made me not feel?....

Actually I seem to feel dull about everything. Things that used to make me smile, don't. I actually feel worse now than I did aobut 6 months ago. I seem to have hit that plateau. Is this just a normal part or is it over? 

He's out of town working right now on a project. He does want to be home by Sat morning but can't leave until its finished. Its a 2 hour drive. What goes through my head is did SHE drive up there? How would I know? He didn't answer the phone tonight...though I have to admit he will have late nights to finish. Rational me says no he would never do that...and the owners tend to show up frequently (remodeling a second home) and they know me very well so that's a huge risk but sometimes risk is exciting??? Where do these thoughts come from when in this amount of time there has been nothing to lead me to believe he has had any contact? He left his computer, he knows I can go through history, he gave me all his passwords (but how hard is it to start a new Yahoo account??) and leaves his internet phone with me a lot..

I'm just tired of feeling sad or just nothing and want to live life again. The other issue is this took a toll on the kids and both are acting out a lot. They don't know what happened but they do know mommy was very unhappy.

I know I love him but nothing like before, anyone ever feel that way but then get it back????


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## Deb1234 (May 31, 2009)

It's only been since May for me but I'm numb too. We haven't had sex since then also since I feel like I'm married to some strange man now. I hear that everyone goes through these things differently and some people can just bounce back quicker than others. I wish I had better news for you, but I'm hoping someday soon it will happen for me too.

PS, 
Get a watchdog program for the computer..like Spector Pro or something, I think they're great!


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## Calypso (May 11, 2009)

This one is tough to really know a answer too because everyone deals with it different. It's been over a year since I found out. I think with time the passion can come back. It may take 2 years or 10 years. I have no idea but I know I love my H. I want this time around to be the best years of our lives. It's a second chance to get it right some people don't get one. I decided to forgive him for everything last week. I decided I didn't want to let the A control my thoughts anymore. I don't want to live in the past and be depressed anymore either. So I tell myself it's a new day and new beginning. I can say we have had some amazing sex and it can only get better.


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## foolz1 (Sep 5, 2009)

AZMOMOFTWO, my husband traveled for twenty plus years, and for nineteen of that I trusted him completely. I too, ultimately discovered exactly what was going on in August of 2008. He had a company vehicle, and lived in our travel trailer while toting around his OW in at least four different states, for seven months of last year, all the while becoming more and more bold and brazen. After I learned of the affair, I insisted there would be NO more traveling, and a number of other changes would take place.

Things get better, then I slip back in to the obsession mode. I hate feeling this way, and I don't know if I will ever truly get over it. It is on my mind several times a day, and in the back of my mind constantly.


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## still reeling (Jul 17, 2009)

AZ - my H and I had another argument again yesterday, same issues, same everything - nothing got resolved as usual. But he did ask me what has he done in the last year that would make me believe that he was, is or would have another affair. And the answer hit me - I didn't have any indication the last three times, nothing, so why would I now? And therein lies the problem, I didn't think or had any indication any other time - so my question to him was why wouldn't I? 

He continues to hide the porn from me, deletes it from his computer and had the audacity to tell me that he didn't go looking for it but had googled something and you know google - it brings up everything but what you were looking for and bam there it was so he just had to click on it. Talk about denial. Why is porn such an issue - well it started there and progressively got worse so now I can't accept any of it. He knows this, knows why and yet has no respect for my feelings on it. It's his addiction and he can't help it. We left it yesterday that although at the moment he doens't want to do it again, history has proven itself time and time again, he will probably do it again. I asked him if he truly believed that - because if that were true - the history part - then we were heading down the path of another affair eventually again as well. I told him that it was the porn or me - because if he wanted the great marriage and sex life that we had - the porn could not be part of it. Emotionally I can not put it aside and ignore it - and wait for the other shoe to drop. So now I don't know where I am or what to do - emotionally I am just gone. I am so drained and tired. 

I wish I had the answer to the "numb" feeling. Some days are better than others. But sometimes I find myself starting something just to feel some type of emotion - even though it is usually anger or hurt or rensentment - it is "better" than feeling nothing at all.


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## CMC125 (Oct 21, 2009)

A,

In many relationships it will never return.

The statistics bear the number of couples who are friends only after infidelity.

Too many variables to pin on a timeframe, if at all.


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