# Have you....



## Carefulthoughts (Jan 21, 2010)

Have you sat down and wrote a letter/email to your significant other just explaining how you feel about everything that has happened between you two? 

Lately I have been having nightmares/dream about my stbx wife. I guess because for the last few years I have worked for a better future for us and now I look back and I wonder if any of it was real. Was I so deeply in love with a figment of my own imagination? Are the memories I have actually how it all went ? 

I am thinking this way due to how everything turned out in the end. Each day it gets easier and better for me. I am still remembering to breather while placing one foot in front of the other. 

Yesterday we emailed each other. I had seen all the photos I had on my phone from the last few years and they will be good memories (whether they were real or not). I know I have to see them as just what they are ... memories. I need to do this to try to move on with my life. I need to do this to sleep peacefully at night. I don't think she realizes how much hurt she has done to everyone around us. Like it doesn't matter she hurt my family and her own. Like in some sick demented way she can justify what she has done and I should just be ok with anything she says about settling the divorce. It is obvious from the emails when it gets to the hurt that I feel or my lack of sleep she goes off topic. I understand that she has to because it probably hurts like hell deep inside. 

Yesterday was one of my worse days in a good while. I had a awesome weekend though she didn't come pick up all her things I carefully boxed up. I sat down last night and put my thoughts to paper and once I was happy with it. I emailed those thoughts to her and I also told her I don't know who she is. She has screwed me and I am not signing anything till I see the whole deal because I don't want her to come back later on and try screwing me even harder. 

I think I am past the caring for her part. Like many of us here I am hurt by what she has done. In the sense that it showed no care or concern for another human being let alone the man she slept next to. As far as how she feels about herself I empathize but I do not and will not pity her.

Btw thanks for letting me ramble. Now that its just me and my cat (lucky) here , I get to be up weird hours of the night and get to do new things.


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## morningdew (Jan 14, 2010)

I did just that today after went through 5 days without talking or seeing him. 

His replies put doubts in my head and guilt as he always managed to do all these times but when I saw how he still denies having any wrong doing with other women(s) I know I just couldn't go back that he and I just need to be on a good term because we have a little boy that still needs us. 

You're a strong one, I still can't manage to see our old pictures, it still hurts too much.


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## Tryinhard (Mar 5, 2010)

I have written emails and talked on the phone with my STBX explaining how I feel but it always gets turned around that I'm "fussing" and it turns into a frustration nightmare.

The best part for you is getting over the caring part. That's the toughest by far. 

No pictures or anything for me right now but hoping soon I'll be able to do that.


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## hyndsight1 (Jan 28, 2010)

First off let me say that I can relate to every line of your post, right down to the nightmares..........

As far as the letter, I have tried a couple of times, but she has never realy read them. A day or so later I will actually ask here if she had thought about what I had wrote, and she will pick one *negative* thing out of it and reply on that. Like you said, a sick demented "justification". All pain and positive intent is overlooked in an attempt to make herself feel better.



> I empathize but I do not and will not pity her.


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## Feelingalone (Apr 22, 2009)

Carefulthoughts,

I have written many letters to my w. How many have I sent -- just one. The writing to me was working things out in my mind and for me. 

Right now for you the pain is deep and no matter how hard you try you might be implying blame onto her. It doesn't matter what she did at this point -- whether what she did was right or wrong -- just that it is what it is. I know it is hard to hear but it does take 2 to tango in the good times and the bad. My w did things to me, but I don't dwell on those anymore. I've had to come to grips with my part and only my part -- for I can only control myself and my actions. Once you get there, clarity comes.

So write the letters for you right now -- do it in a journal. A road map to look back on and see where your emotions went and to see how far you travel forward. Sending your w these letters now will just give her an in-road to push your buttons (as is evident she still does). Don't give her the satisfaction. Regain control of yourself and your environment. Then write a letter and give it to her.


I have one last letter I've written recently -- this I will send to my w.


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