# We are growing apart



## MorgiePorgie (Jul 24, 2013)

A little bit of background. 

My husband and I have been married for 2 years, together 3 and a 1/2. He goes to school and works part-time, I am done with school and work full-time. We are 26 (me) and 27 (him). 

I pulled a bit of a fast one on my husband. When we married 2 years ago, my favorite things were having fun, working for a paycheck, and complaining. I didn't have much use for religion, and I was very fixated on my looks. My husband was in a rock band, wasn't even in school at the time, and also had not a single care in the world. Life was easy and sexy, lol.

Fast-forward 2 years and I am a homebody, working at a CAREER rather than a job, and I'm starting to look forward to having a family and joining a church. My husband thinks all of that is crap, except he likes my bigger paycheck and he would LOVE to have a kid "someday." He is great with kids btw, and he gets excellent grades in college (major is elementary ed). He is also very good with money and tells me he loves me often. So those are his good qualities.

Here is the HUGE problem I am having. Husband will curse at me, and sometimes not even during a big fight. Tonight I came home and I saw a bunch of stuff strewn about, so I wearily asked him who came over earlier (I was tired from a long day at work and he has a tendency to invite "the guys" over on a whim - no big deal). He just shook his head and said, "F#ck you." I was stunned so I just muttered something about not wanting to have kids with him, and he went into another room. I wish I could say this was an isolated incident, but I get called a b#tch or told to Eff off a couple times a month. (Turns out he had spent the whole evening working on his financial aid papers online, and they were very frustrating, so he took my question as accusing him of being lazy while I was at work).

The older I get, the more deeply and sorrowfully I regret not marrying a Christ-loving man. I can't see him as a protector, a leader, or a spiritual man, and for that I truly mourn. My precious husband did absolutely nothing wrong, because it was ME who changed, not him. The poor guy does not know what to do with this peaceful, baby-craving woman who took over the body of his formerly ill-tempered, hard-partying wife. As a side note, he found emails between me and another guy when we had been married about 6 months. The emails were kind of innocent/kind of flirty, but not dirty or affair-like. I don't know if that has anything to do with this story, but I thought I'd throw that in there so nobody can accuse me of pretending to be perfect. 

Thanks everyone, sorry this was so long.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Besides the emails, what was going on between you and the other guy? How long was it going on? 

How did your husband react when he found the emails.

The things going on between the two of you are not good. Cheating, cussing out, saying cruel things... not good.

People change. That's life. The point of a marriage is to grow together.

A couple needs to spend 15 hours a week together, doing date-like things, to keep the passion alive in their marriage. I get the impression that you two are not spending anything near that amount of time together.

Get the books "His Needs, Her Needs" and "Love Busters". Read them and do the work. If you can get your husband to do with you so much the better.


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## MorgiePorgie (Jul 24, 2013)

The other guy - I had gone out with my husband's newly divorced female cousin, and the other guy was Cousin's friend's friend. So Husband's cousin does not even know the guy really. But he was there, and she was ignoring me all night, so I got to talking to him.

All of the emails were 100% innocent except for one where he said, "I wish I had the courage to kiss you when I met you." And I said, "I wouldn't have complained, but I would have stopped it right there since I'm married."

The other guy lives 4 hours away. And I hesitate to call him "the other guy" because it was so stupid and hardly anything. But it hurt my husband regardless. He didn't react too badly, to be honest, because the emails were kinda flirty but I made several references to my husband when chatting with that other guy. All in all, my husband didn't care because he saw that I didn't cheat. He just likes to bring it up when he needs leverage in an argument. *sigh


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I think that your flirting with the other guy has hurt your husband more than you realize. Your saying that your husband only brings it up to get leverage shows a huge disrespect and lack of understanding of how much you hurt your husband.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

This is why I say don't marry before the age of 28. There is a huge change between a 24 and a 28 year old. I dated a rocker guy when I was 21 and had I married him we'd be divorced by now. Thankfully I got career focused and saw the differences before I married him. We parted ways because I wanted to trade in the party life for life in the burbs with a couple of kids, a house and a dog. He didn't want that life and I knew it. 

Before I left we'd already begun fighting and I grew resentful of making more money than him.

My sincere advice is whatever you do don't have kids until you fix this by either working it out or leaving.


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## MorgiePorgie (Jul 24, 2013)

Thanks for your candid opinions. I'd like to do anything to save my marriage.


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## bobbieb65 (Jan 24, 2013)

He does seem hurt and resentful of your mini-affair, hopefully you are telling the truth here and that there wasn't more to the story. With that said, it was obvious to your H that you were engaged enough with this guy after just one evening that he wanted to kiss you...that is not good I would consider that to be cheating, with or without a kiss.

Maybe this is the reason for him not growing with you and bashing you. The two of you are heading down different paths at this point. If you want to save the M, attend MC together and see if it can be fixed.


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## Senior Citizen (Jul 25, 2013)

Flirtatious e-mails to another when you are in a committed relationship can often hurt the one you love (?). You may mean them in an innocent way......but beware. Those e-mails show a lack of respect for your husband.....just sayin.


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