# Very lonely and confused



## beachgirl098 (Feb 14, 2013)

My husband and I have only been married for a year and a half....but we've been together and living together over 8 years. We do not have any children just three young dogs. The first year we were together we had a regular sex life. He is extremely passionate about making money and working all the time. Well, in the beginning..anytime he gets stressed out (which seems to be 90% of the time) we do not have sex...his businesses/jobs have been up/down up/down for years now....and our sex life has gotten worse and worse. I've tried talking about it with him...and he just says there isn't an issue.....he just doesn't like to do a lot.......I find this so messed up. I know he isn't cheating on me.....But I'm 28 years old not 100! We literally have gone 4 months one time without having sex......and then I eventually initiate (which makes me sick) and then it's blah. I feel like this is the time we should be having more sex than ever. I am a very passionate person and he use to be as well.....I understand stress can trigger not wanting to have sex but I just do not understand. Isn't a MAN suppose to want it all the time and the WOMAN is the one like maybe? I don't feel connected to anymore.....all he does is spend 100% of his time, energy, and focus on trying to work and make money...which I appreciate and respect....but not at the cost of our relationship.......He literally cannot have both the work/money obsession and a healthy relationship with me for some reason. Even if he's a little successful and happy for a little while..........we still don't have sex??? Makes me feel ugly...worthless.....tired.....exhausted...sad....depressed.....and really not even want to have a goal. I'm not much heavier now than when we first got together (a little heavier but not much) I've been wanting to lose the weight....but I almost am afraid if I lose the weight....I'll be a lot more confident and if he doesn't come around I will be tempted to leave...and I do not want that. Very confused....Very Very lonely....I would NEVER EVER cheat on him.....but I literally am so sex/love deprived in my new marriage (for some years now) that I often fantasize all the time about other men..........I mean...literally turned on in the bath tub just by running water going over my shoulder...it's pathetic and I don't feel right........I feel like it's not normal and I do not like it at all....  Talking about it does nothing so I am at a loss?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

How old is your husband?

I know exactly how you feel as I've gone through this, weeks and months of sexlessness turned into years. It's an extremely painful thing to go through. It's not just being lonely. The rejection just eats at you.

It seems that men are as likely to stop having sex in a marriage as a woman is. It's definately an indicator of a serious problem in the relationship. This is not just about him working all the time to earn money. It's about him avoiding you.

Here is an article on the topic.. FOXSexpert: Five Reasons Men Stop Having Sex | Fox News

You say that you are concerned about losing weight because it might make him avoid you or you stray. It's more likely that if you lose weight and get to be more confident, he will start to notice you more. He might just wake up and realize that you are quite a catch and he might stop this nonsense... and heat up your relationship.

Do you have a job? What kinds of things do you do for yourself?

How many hours a week do the two of you spend doing things together?


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## animal 2011 (Aug 9, 2011)

I am sure you are a lovely woman. I would tell him if he is not interested in you, you will find someone who is...because they are out there.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## beachgirl098 (Feb 14, 2013)

Thank you both for replying and you kind words of encouragement.
I am 28 and my husband is 35.
Yes, the rejection does eat at me.
I just feel like I have a roomate who I eat with and sometimes watch movies with.....and I am a VERY touchy feely, compassionate, loving, caring person.......and to just have none of that in return is so hurtful deep inside. I know he wasn't raised to be that way because his parents are really trashy losers (SORRY to sound mean...but it's true)
But I'm tired of making excuses for him too.....It shouldn't be rocket science that I want a RELATIONSHIP...not just sex either....That would be nice MORE than once every 2 months........but I want him to invest and participate in our marriage more...........just feels like I'm always alone in my efforts and he just is comfortable and on to the next task at hand. Did I mention I'm 28!?!!?!?!?!?!? I'm not 100!!!!

Thanks for that article....it did make me think a bit.
I just got a new job and I'm really happy with it....but then I go home to blahhhhhhhh. Downer. Everyone at work today got all these wonderful things from their husbands but me. Now don't get me wrong...it's not about gifts.....and he usually does amazing with some anniversaries and some dates........BUT...........Since I'm so love starved I am looking for anything (not just STUFF) and to not get anything is just ridiculous!!!!! I got him stuff.....I was at work all day...... he was at home working....then he left to go to real estate class at 5 and I got home at 5:30 and nothing on the table. He may or may not come home w/ stuff tonight but it's not the point and I could care less about the stuff....just the effort. I'm just very sad and disturbed and confused about our future.....I don't want to be 40 and unhapppy in my sexless affectionateless marriage. HELL NO! Just confused!

I work M-F at an office....and now have my Sat and Sun free but we don't do anything....I could set something up but to be frank I'M TIRED OF THE ONE ALWAYS PLANNIGN EVERYTHING ALWAYS INITIATING SEX ALWAYS THE REASON WE HAVE 10% OF A THING CALLED MARRIAGE.....he needs to step up. I have a lot of personal debt from before I met him (credit cards) so majority of my money goes towards car/debt (we do money seperate) so it's almost like....because he pays most of all the bills that's him doing his part and that's it.....seems like that. Like I can't be loved or have sex bc he pays all the bills? I dunno I'm confused and just tired...very very very tired.

We don't spend that much time together and when I've tried in the past to spend more time together it's ok..........but nothing major comes from it. Like I said for now I'm going to wait til my insurance kicks in and then hopefully find a marriage counselor or something that will help cover the cost or partial and take it from there....I'm hurt/embarrasses/ashamed that I think we even need that...............but if it helps it's worth a shot.....and if it doesn't................I'll be devastated but something has got to give.  He doesn't do anything BAD.....just tired of missing out on a fulfilled happy marriage. Tired of being roomates.


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