# Am I unreasonable?



## Pearljam2016 (Jul 28, 2016)

Post deleted


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

You need to get out of this. Wall to wall issues here, and PLEASE make sure you don't bring a child into this!


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## niceguy28 (May 6, 2016)

You've acknowledged that your chron's disease can cause issues and you are an adultress. You have a law degree that has probably left you with a lot of debt but you also cannot find work that pays a decent wage and you are a substitute teacher which means you probably don't work everyday. Regardless of whether he works for his dad or not he is the bread winner and he is the one that is providing for you. If he works all the time and you don't then it's reasonable for you to do most of the housework. As for cheating, you acknowledged that you "cheated too" but I didn't see anywhere in your post where you have proof that he actually cheated. It's possible that he's doing this things because he is angry with you for what you did. As for his friends, he is dead wrong. He is married now, his priorities should have changed. You are right to be fed up with that. I've been married for a while and I know that there are two sides to every story. I honestly think your husband has issues but you do to and before you decide to leave I think you should honestly take a look at yourself and change the things that you are responsible for. I say this not to lay the blame entirely on you but you cannot control him but you can control yourself.


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## Dyokemm (Apr 24, 2013)

I see that you have been very upfront and communicating to him about HIS issues....nothing wrong with that at all, he does need to work on those things, and the interaction with HS friend is at 'best case' on the edge of the slippery slope to an EA at least.....he should drop that friendship.

But I have no idea how you think that pointing out his faults and areas he can do better in will solve anything if YOU continue to lie about your cheating.

We can only assume it was serial cheating with several men (how many?) since you say you kept 'only one' after you deleted your AM account.....and I assume that since you went 'back and forth' with this one OM that you continued to cheat even after you got rid of the AM account.

In addition to serial cheating, you have gaslighted and deceived your spouse about what you did.....when confronted, you lied and minimized what you had done.....I doubt your BH fully believes the bullsh*t you fed him......he at least suspects, and those lies you told are now a poison in your M.

Almost your entire post was a checklist of your BH's failures (and I also noticed that you used these failings and the fact you weren't getting what you 'needed' to justify your disgusting affairs) and how you don't see enough effort from him to fix the M.......and now you are wondering if it's even worth the effort.

But.....what are you doing to fix the M?

Other than getting rid of AM and finally stopping your last A, I don't see anything other than grousing at him about the things that upset you so much that he feels you are being 'unreasonable' or unfair.

You say you feel unloved, ignored, and frustrated.

Really?.......you have been SERIAL CHEATING on him.

He may not know for sure yet, but I promise you he has felt the distance in your M that results from a cheating spouse diverting their attention elsewhere.

Don't you think he might be feeling the exact same way....or worse, especially since his suspicions have to be sky high after finding the AM info?......and if he does suspect/'know in his gut' that you are a lying, unrepentant cheater, what would be his motivation to address your complaints and giving your the 'better' M you say you want?

And you think HE isn't trying enough?

Confess your many A's now if you want any chance of saving your M......give your BH the full knowledge of the amount of damage YOU have done to the M.......because the faults you have listed/pointed out pale in comparison to the damage your serial cheating has done.

Allow your BH the info he needs to decide if he even WANTS to try and save such a damaged M with you.

Until you do this, you cannot say with any truth or seriousness that you are working on the M from your end at all.


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