# Girlfriend ruined my computer, refuses to pay to get it fixed.



## Marcus588

To start, I am 28 and my gf is 27, we live together and have been for a year and a half. While I don't drink my gf does. Not that often, maybe 2-3 times a month but when she does she does not know when to stop and gets super drunk and breaks things.

The other day she was drinking (I was at work at the time) and when I got home my computer was off and when I opened it up everything was drenched with alcohol. In my case there is an opening at the top with 2 fans. She comes in to the computer room super drunk just laughing saying "I got beer all over your computer!! lol". She had poured a bunch of it into the top. Seeing how drunk she was I didn't bother talking to her about it then but after she went to bed and sobered up the next day I talked to her about it and she refuses to replace it. 

Almost everything except the RAM, HDDs and the DVD drive are ruined. I built this computer myself last year and it will cost around $800 to get it working again. In addition to playing games I use it all the time for work so I need a computer (I am currently using my gfs lap top). But she just says "It was an accident, I am not going to pay to fix your stupid computer". 

She does have a full time job and even makes more than me so I know she could replace the parts if she wanted to. 

I am just so upset, what should I do?


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## GusPolinski

Get a new computer. And a new girlfriend.


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## WhiteRaven

GusPolinski said:


> Get a new computer. And a new girlfriend.


:iagree:


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## xakulax

GusPolinski said:


> Get a new computer. And a new girlfriend.




Exactly! My PC cost me at lest 500$ bucks and was the first PC I ever built if my GF did that and didn't pay for the damages and acted like its not that big of a deal then yes I would cut her loses.


This type of behavior is a big red flag 



PS my build:


AMD FX-6300 3.5GHz


Gigabyte GA-78LMT-USB3 


8 gig Crucial DDR3-1333 Memory


Western Digital Black2 1TB 


EVGA GTX 630


Nzxt Vulcan case


EVGA 500W 80+ Certified ATX Power Supply

Total cost around 500 to 600 bucks


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## SolidSnake

I agree, either she takes full responsibility for what she did, and pays for it, or you break up. That's crazy!

Not to mention, her tendency to get really drunk is a bad quality in a mate. Leads to all kind of potential bad situations.


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## lovelygirl

She doesn't respect you.
She behaves like a b*itch.
She's doesn't know what common sense is. That is, when someone ruins your stuff, they pay to fix it or get you a new one.

In a few words, dump her!


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## melw74

****ing hell...... Crazy. I agree with all the others. She has serious issues. Its obvious from what you say she deliberately poured alcohol into your computer, no doubt in my mind she meant to do it for some reason.

Its also obvious she has a problem with drink..... drinking in the afternoon to the point shes out her head!!!!.... she came into you laughing that she split it on your computer, meaning in her words she done it on purpose, and actually found it highly amusing that shes ruined it, and going to cost you a wad to get it fixed....

No apology, just her saying that shes not going to pay for your stupid computer, she works full time and yet still wont pay, she sounds like a right catch (not) do yourself a favour, get rid of her and get yourself a new girlfriend, and new computer, you will find yourself much happier.


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## bABI

if she chooses to drink irresponsibly, then she should bear the consequences, or she may never learn to drink/act responsibly (dunno what to suggest about it)
it gets worse when she shows no remorse for what she has done - that's a terrible sign of disrespect...huge red flag concerning d future of the r/ship

cut your losses


sorry about your (drunken/fried) computer


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## 2ntnuf

I have to ask. Could there have been something on your computer that caused her to get angry enough to pour beer on it? Maybe you meant, she accidentally spilled beer on it. Seems like she would feel guilty if it was an accident, less so, if it was out of revenge or retribution.


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## LongWalk

I will disagree a little bit. A woman who drinks by herself in the afternoon could be an alcoholic. If she has this illness, you can show her compassion. Luckily you aren't married to her.

Do you care about her very much? Does she have good qualities? Is she caring towards you otherwise?

You are pretty computer savvy. I suggest you play a joke on her. Put some programs into her computer that will make it act up. When she complains about a "virus" and asks you to fix it you can "restore" it. Make the problems pop up from time to time.


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## Marcus588

melw74 said:


> ****ing hell...... Crazy. I agree with all the others. She has serious issues. Its obvious from what you say she deliberately poured alcohol into your computer, no doubt in my mind she meant to do it for some reason.
> 
> Its also obvious she has a problem with drink..... drinking in the afternoon to the point shes out her head!!!!.... she came into you laughing that she split it on your computer, meaning in her words she done it on purpose, and actually found it highly amusing that shes ruined it, and going to cost you a wad to get it fixed....
> 
> No apology, just her saying that shes not going to pay for your stupid computer, she works full time and yet still wont pay, she sounds like a right catch (not) do yourself a favour, get rid of her and get yourself a new girlfriend, and new computer, you will find yourself much happier.


I doubt she did it on purpose. As I said she gets black-out drunk and does stupid things not realizing it. Last time she got drunk she ran into her DVD shelf breaking it and all the DVDs came crashing down.

Another time I came home from work and saw two cop cars at our apartment. When I asked what was up they said some woman (with her description) ran outside and took her clothes off naked and they had 3 calls about it and they were looking for her. When I went in she was passed out in our bed. The cops also said at one point she tried to get into the passenger seat of someone's car.

The people that called decided not to press charges but just gave me their number and told me to tell her to call them when she woke up. Which she did and that was when she was told the people that called in decided not to press charges but that she needs to be more careful with her drinking. That was the worst thing she has done while drinking.

The thing is she's usually quite pleasant when she's sober but lately she has been getting angered easily and I think this really has broke the camels back so to speak. She just gets black out drunk and loses control. 

Thanks for all the advice!


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## Marcus588

2ntnuf said:


> I have to ask. Could there have been something on your computer that caused her to get angry enough to pour beer on it? Maybe you meant, she accidentally spilled beer on it. Seems like she would feel guilty if it was an accident, less so, if it was out of revenge or retribution.


No, not at all. I have always done stuff with her and don't game that much and she herself has never complained about me playing or using the computer too much or anything. Like I said when she drinks she just blacks out and loses control and has no clue what she is doing. Every time (including this time) she has woken up she has no recollection of what she has done. Heck, the past few times as soon as she has woken up she has even asked me if she did anything crazy the night before.


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## Marcus588

I think I should also note that back when she was 21 she got a DUI. However, after that it scared her straight and she quit alcohol for years until she met some new gfs at work that drink and at first she would just drink with them on their girls nights out and nothing would happen, but I guess she really liked drinking a little too much and started buying some vodka/tequila even when she was alone.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

The more she gets black-out drunk the more brain damage she is doing to herself. The more brain damage she has, the more likely she will lose her inhibitions to drink. She doesn't have diabetes (diagnosed or suspected) does she? This can make the alcohol (and the brain damage) a lot worse. It's a vicious (and downward) cycle. Please don't expect it to get better on its own. It won't.


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## Marcus588

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> The more she gets black-out drunk the more brain damage she is doing to herself. The more brain damage she has, the more likely she will lose her inhibitions to drink. She doesn't have diabetes (diagnosed or suspected) does she? This can make the alcohol (and the brain damage) a lot worse. It's a vicious (and downward) cycle. Please don't expect it to get better on its own. It won't.


I don't think she has diabetes. Are there signs I should look for? Should I recommend her some AA classes and tell her I'll support her if she goes?


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## Cooper

Today she ruined your computer....next she ruins your car....then she ruins you financially....then one day you wake up realizing she ruined your life.....RUN


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## 2ntnuf

Marcus588 said:


> No, not at all. I have always done stuff with her and don't game that much and she herself has never complained about me playing or using the computer too much or anything. Like I said when she drinks she just blacks out and loses control and has no clue what she is doing. Every time (including this time) she has woken up she has no recollection of what she has done. Heck, the past few times as soon as she has woken up she has even asked me if she did anything crazy the night before.


She needs help. Here is a link to Alcoholics Anonymous. Alcoholics Anonymous :

It is a rough ride to sobriety. I don't wish it on anyone. There are others here who can help you to understand what you might be in for if you try to stay with her. 

I'm sorry for her, and you. I wish you both, the best.


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## sparkyjim

Let me cut to the end of this story....

Do you really want to try to explain to your two children why their mommy has to go to jail for drunken vehicular manslaughter?

Think about it. You are with a problem drinker. It is not up to you to save her. It is up to you to do the right thing for you.

Maybe this will be the shocker that she needs to sober up. Maybe not. Either way you can't stay with a woman who is by every argument an alcoholic.

The computer is small change compared to the havoc this woman can wreak in your life.


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## soulseer

She did it for a reason. 

Even though she is drinking and acting irrationally because she is drunk deep down she is angry with that p.c.

Not to shift blame from her excessive behaviour but ot would be useful for you to under stand why she is angry.

Do you spend alot of time on that pc?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## GusPolinski

GusPolinski said:


> Get a new computer. And a new girlfriend.


Seriously. Easiest thread ever.


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## GusPolinski

Marcus588 said:


> I don't think she has diabetes. Are there signs I should look for? Should I recommend her some AA classes and tell her I'll support her if she goes?


Depends. Are you in the habit of laying near thresholds so that people are able to wipe their shoes on you as they pass?


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## LongWalk

To remain with her she must go to AA. Do not marry her if she cannot stay on the wagon for a year. Even then she can fall off at any time.


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## sparkyjim

GusPolinski said:


> Seriously. Easiest thread ever.


I didn't know you could quote yourself...

ballsy, and somewhat cheeky too.

I could not agree with you more...:smthumbup:


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## sparkyjim

GusPolinski said:


> Depends. Are you in the habit of laying near thresholds so that people are able to wipe their shoes on you as they pass?


d*mn Gus...

you are in danger of making me a fan...


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## Omego

She could also have a mental disorder. It sounds pretty worrisome. The computer is the least of your problems. What about her parents? Are they aware of this black-out drinking and total loss of self control?

She could potentially end up in some very, very harmful situations. 

Yes, please suggest AA and then decide if you want to stay with her and support her through this or not. There is no obligation for you to do so.


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## syhoybenden

Tell her to grow the f.uck up.


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## syhoybenden

Marcus588 said:


> No, not at all. I have always done stuff with her and don't game that much and she herself has never complained about me playing or using the computer too much or anything. Like I said when she drinks she just blacks out and loses control and has no clue what she is doing. Every time (including this time) she has woken up she has no recollection of what she has done. Heck, the past few times as soon as she has woken up she has even asked me if she did anything crazy the night before.



This girl sounds like she is riding for a fall.

Best distance yourself before you end up as collateral damage.


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## sinnister

She's your girlfriend man. You expect her to pay for a replacement and still be able to get her goodies after that?

I can see I'm alone on this one but I couldnt see myself asking my GF to replace my PC.


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## survivorwife

Marcus588 said:


> *I doubt she did it on purpose*. As I said she gets black-out drunk and does stupid things not realizing it. Last time she got drunk she ran into her DVD shelf breaking it and all the DVDs came crashing down.
> 
> Another time I came home from work and saw two cop cars at our apartment. When I asked what was up they said some woman (with her description) ran outside and took her clothes off naked and they had 3 calls about it and they were looking for her. When I went in she was passed out in our bed. The cops also said at one point she tried to get into the passenger seat of someone's car.
> 
> The people that called decided not to press charges but just gave me their number and told me to tell her to call them when she woke up. Which she did and that was when she was told the people that called in decided not to press charges but that she needs to be more careful with her drinking. That was the worst thing she has done while drinking.
> 
> The thing is she's usually quite pleasant when she's sober but lately she has been getting angered easily and I think this really has broke the camels back so to speak. She just gets black out drunk and loses control.
> 
> Thanks for all the advice!


Now you are making excuses. Was she drunk when, the next day, she refused to take responsibility and pay for the damage she caused? Right there is your problem. To allow her to get away with bad behavior is to condone - enable her. Stop that. Simply put - she either pays for the damage or leaves. It really is that simple. To do otherwise you can expect more of the same, if not worse in the future.


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## richie33

Don't wait for the rabbit to go in the pot.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

How can you even sleep in the apartment?
She could be drinking while you're sleeping.
One day it's the computer, next day it's you.
Sometimes in life there are no "solutions."
A situation does not get better just because you have a viable plan.
The viable plan needs to have some legs, it needs to get up and walk.
It also needs to belong to her, not you.
Your viable plan does not include AA, it does not include being supportive because her viable plan does not include AA. 
I hope you see how this works.
You cannot be supportive if she's not taking any action that needs support.


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## MSP

An $800 computer is a cheaper wake-up call than a divorce.


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## 6301

sinnister said:


> She's your girlfriend man. You expect her to pay for a replacement and still be able to get her goodies after that?
> 
> I can see I'm alone on this one but I couldnt see myself asking my GF to replace my PC.


 Seriously man, what kind of "goodies" can there be when you sleeping next to a drunk. Hell she'll either puke on you or $h!t the bed or be totally unconscious. Then you wake up with her still half brain dead from the night before. No thank you.


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## 6301

Look friend. She wants to drink and destroy things using the "drunk" excuse all the time then fine and dandy but if it's the computer today, then someday your going to come home and she burned the house down or got behind the wheel and killed someone.

She has a illness and until she recognizes the problem and wants to help herself, your in for a ton of trouble.

If it's me, I tell her to either get her sorry ass in rehab and not to come out until she has a grip on the problem or hit the road and do it in a way that she knows that your dead serious and your at the end of your rope with her.

Next. You make your home "dry" and keep it that way. 

As far as your computer goes, why should she fix it when you just sit there and put up with her excessive drinking to a point that she can't function as a normal human being? You see the problem and for some reason, put up with it so why should she stop?


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## JustSomeGuyWho

The right girlfriend would come to you, apologize and offer to replace it. You wouldn't have to ask. 

I agree with the others ... you need a new computer and a new girlfriend.


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## ScarletBegonias

JustSomeGuyWho said:


> The right girlfriend would come to you, apologize and offer to replace it. You wouldn't have to ask.
> 
> I agree with the others ... you need a new computer and a new girlfriend.


:iagree:


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## melw74

Marcus588 said:


> I doubt she did it on purpose. As I said she gets black-out drunk and does stupid things not realizing it. Last time she got drunk she ran into her DVD shelf breaking it and all the DVDs came crashing down.
> 
> Another time I came home from work and saw two cop cars at our apartment. When I asked what was up they said some woman (with her description) ran outside and took her clothes off naked and they had 3 calls about it and they were looking for her. When I went in she was passed out in our bed. The cops also said at one point she tried to get into the passenger seat of someone's car.
> 
> The people that called decided not to press charges but just gave me their number and told me to tell her to call them when she woke up. Which she did and that was when she was told the people that called in decided not to press charges but that she needs to be more careful with her drinking. That was the worst thing she has done while drinking.
> 
> The thing is she's usually quite pleasant when she's sober but lately she has been getting angered easily and I think this really has broke the camels back so to speak. She just gets black out drunk and loses control.
> 
> Thanks for all the advice!


If that is the case and she did not mean to do it on purpose it still does not change anything, shes drinking to the point shes drunk, does not know what shes doing, and doing stupid things, and she did not even care that she did it!!!.... No excuses here.

When she sobered up she still showed no regret??.... her answer to you.... " I am still not paying for your stupid computer"

Its quite obvious here that she has a problem with her drinking, she needs help, and she needs to do something about it..... getting drunk, running outside naked is just plain wrong, seems like shes a danger to herself too as well as others..... Trying to get into peoples car.... what happens if she gets into some nutters car when shes blind drunk no clothes on, It really does not bare thinking about.

Its time to stop making excuses for her, she needs serious help before the next time she does something when shes drunk is even more dangerous........ does not matter what shes like the rest of the time pleasant or not, shes an alcoholic bottom line


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## Marduk

Next that GF ASAP.

It's not about the computer and you know it.


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## lenzi

Marcus588 said:


> She comes in to the computer room super drunk just laughing saying "I got beer all over your computer!! lol". She had poured a bunch of it into the top.
> 
> But she just says "It was an accident, I am not going to pay to fix your stupid computer".





Marcus588 said:


> Another time I came home from work and saw two cop cars at our apartment. When I asked what was up they said some woman (with her description) ran outside and took her clothes off naked


You've got a girlfriend with such amazing qualities and you're willing to risk losing her all because of some minor incidental damage to your computer?

Ask yourself how easy it would be to find someone who can accurately fill a computer case with beer even while "blackout drunk" AND and run around naked without being caught.

This woman has skills, and I'll bet women like her are few and far between.

Also you should add the cost of a match.com subscription for a year or two, that's probably the same as replacement computer parts.


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## WorkingOnMe

lenzi said:


> You've got a girlfriend with such amazing qualities and you're willing to risk losing her all because of some minor incidental damage to your computer?
> 
> Ask yourself how easy it would be to find someone who can accurately fill a computer case with beer even while "blackout drunk" AND and run around naked without being caught.
> 
> This woman has skills, and I'll bet women like her are few and far between.
> 
> Also you should add the cost of a match.com subscription for a year or two, that's probably the same as replacement computer parts.


:iagree::rofl:


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## Nucking Futs

soulseer said:


> She did it for a reason.
> 
> Even though she is drinking and acting irrationally because she is drunk deep down she is angry with that p.c.
> 
> Not to shift blame from her excessive behaviour but ot would be useful for you to under stand why she is angry.
> 
> Do you spend alot of time on that pc?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Before I grew up and gave up drinking I was a giggly drunk. Everything was funny to me. My (also drunk) buddy setting my shoe on fire had me laughing so hard it took the waitress a whole pitcher of beer to put it out. One time I ripped a water fountain off the wall. I didn't hate that water fountain any more than my buddy hated my shoe. In fact, I loved that water fountain, I stopped at it every day after pt and really missed it until it was fixed. No way I was going to confess to it though, they would have taken it out of my pay!

There doesn't have to be anything about that computer making her mad. Sometimes drunk people find destruction funny, and that's all it takes.


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## barbados

Don't see how this relationship will work for you long term if you don't drink and she is a lush when she does.


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## Marcus588

survivorwife said:


> Now you are making excuses. Was she drunk when, the next day, she refused to take responsibility and pay for the damage she caused? Right there is your problem. To allow her to get away with bad behavior is to condone - enable her. Stop that. Simply put - she either pays for the damage or leaves. It really is that simple. To do otherwise you can expect more of the same, if not worse in the future.


You misunderstand, by doing it "on purpose" I simply mean she wasn't aware of what she was doing at the time. Had she even been sober enough to at least have a clue what she was doing I doubt she would have. Should I give her an ultimatum?



melw74 said:


> If that is the case and she did not mean to do it on purpose it still does not change anything, shes drinking to the point shes drunk, does not know what shes doing, and doing stupid things, and she did not even care that she did it!!!.... No excuses here.
> 
> When she sobered up she still showed no regret??.... her answer to you.... " I am still not paying for your stupid computer"
> 
> Its quite obvious here that she has a problem with her drinking, she needs help, and she needs to do something about it..... getting drunk, running outside naked is just plain wrong, seems like shes a danger to herself too as well as others..... Trying to get into peoples car.... what happens if she gets into some nutters car when shes blind drunk no clothes on, It really does not bare thinking about.
> 
> Its time to stop making excuses for her, she needs serious help before the next time she does something when shes drunk is even more dangerous........ does not matter what shes like the rest of the time pleasant or not, shes an alcoholic bottom line


I agree. It is disheartening having to deal with her like this since I always end up having to clean up her mess. I would have thought the time where she was almost arrested running outside naked would have woke her up, especially considering the officer even said she could have ended up on the sex offender registry, but apparently not. 

This is all quite a mess to say the least and I may have to leave her because I am tired of having to come home from work to take care of her drunken arse, but we do have a year lease on our apt.


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## lenzi

Marcus588 said:


> Should I give her an ultimatum?


Ultimatums are over rated.


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## 2ntnuf

Marcus588 said:


> You misunderstand, by doing it "on purpose" I simply mean she wasn't aware of what she was doing at the time. Had she even been sober enough to at least have a clue what she was doing I doubt she would have. Should I give her an ultimatum?
> 
> 
> I agree. It is disheartening having to deal with her like this since I always end up having to clean up her mess. I would have thought the time where she was *almost* arrested running outside naked would have woke her up, especially considering the officer even said she *could have* ended up on the sex offender registry, but apparently not.
> 
> This is all quite a mess to say the least and I may have to leave her because I am tired of having to come home from work to take care of her drunken arse, but we do have a year lease on our apt.


Ha! Funny, actually. She must be pretty attractive. I guess that's a big reason you don't drop her on her butt? You're not overwhelmingly confident you can find another woman as attractive?


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## Dad&Hubby

Time to grow up and be with someone who ADDS to your life. She might be great in bed (most people who have addiction issues and like sex are). But you need to look past that.

Lets look at normal progression. Move in together...get married....start a family...

Yeah, this woman sounds like she'll make a GREAT mother (by great I mean the type of woman who does something so incredibly stupid that she hurts her kids and people like us read about them on the internet and can't believe a parent would act like that).

Your GF needs help. REAL help. Getting that drunk 2-3 times per month is a REAL problem. And YOU CAN'T SAVE HER. Learn that now. YOU CAN'T SAVE PEOPLE. You can only provide a healthy situation where they desire to save themselves...and obviously she doesn't.

This isn't about a computer. It's much larger. Think about what she's telling you with her response.


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## Marcus588

2ntnuf said:


> Ha! Funny, actually. She must be pretty attractive. I guess that's a big reason you don't drop her on her butt? You're not overwhelmingly confident you can find another woman as attractive?


Well, she would have been arrested had the people that saw her decided not to press charges.


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## EleGirl

Marcus588 said:


> You misunderstand, by doing it "on purpose" I simply mean she wasn't aware of what she was doing at the time. Had she even been sober enough to at least have a clue what she was doing I doubt she would have. Should I give her an ultimatum?
> 
> 
> I agree. It is disheartening having to deal with her like this since I always end up having to clean up her mess. I would have thought the time where she was almost arrested running outside naked would have woke her up, especially considering the officer even said she could have ended up on the sex offender registry, but apparently not.
> 
> This is all quite a mess to say the least and I may have to leave her because I am tired of having to come home from work to take care of her drunken arse, but we do have a year lease on our apt.


Her drinking is a huge problem... drinking until she's black out drunk and doing things out of control is bad, very bad. 

On top of that she has no sense of responsibility. She also does not respect you. The fact that she does not think that she should pay to fix/replace your computer shows this.

This has me wondering why you are still with a back-out alcoholic who does not respect you. Why are you still with her?


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## Caribbean Man

Dad&Hubby said:


> Time to grow up and be with someone who ADDS to your life. * She might be great in bed (most people who have addiction issues and like sex are).  But you need to look past that.*


Agreed.

But quite a lot of men find that hard to do.
They allow themselves to be blinded by sex.


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## Entropy3000

Marcus588 said:


> To start, I am 28 and my gf is 27, we live together and have been for a year and a half. While I don't drink my gf does. Not that often, maybe 2-3 times a month but when she does she does not know when to stop and gets super drunk and breaks things.
> 
> The other day she was drinking (I was at work at the time) and when I got home my computer was off and when I opened it up everything was drenched with alcohol. In my case there is an opening at the top with 2 fans. She comes in to the computer room super drunk just laughing saying "I got beer all over your computer!! lol". She had poured a bunch of it into the top. Seeing how drunk she was I didn't bother talking to her about it then but after she went to bed and sobered up the next day I talked to her about it and she refuses to replace it.
> 
> Almost everything except the RAM, HDDs and the DVD drive are ruined. I built this computer myself last year and it will cost around $800 to get it working again. In addition to playing games I use it all the time for work so I need a computer (I am currently using my gfs lap top). But she just says "It was an accident, I am not going to pay to fix your stupid computer".
> 
> She does have a full time job and even makes more than me so I know she could replace the parts if she wanted to.
> 
> I am just so upset, what should I do?


You can do better than this? No?

If she offerred to pay for it I might give her another chance. But I should not have to ask.

BUT, she sounds like a risk anyway.


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## GusPolinski

sparkyjim said:


> I didn't know you could quote yourself...
> 
> ballsy, and somewhat cheeky too.
> 
> I could not agree with you more...:smthumbup:





sparkyjim said:


> d*mn Gus...
> 
> you are in danger of making me a fan...


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## Entropy3000

If she is worth keeping then take steps to protect your stuff.


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## lenzi

Biggest issue I can see is that she's not self accountable.

She gets drunk, fills up your computer with booze, and then says "It was an accident I'm not fixing it".

If it was me, I'd keep her around. If only for the entertainment. Next time she runs naked down the street get it on video.

Something to show the grandchildren one day.


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## Nikita2270

Stupid, crappy girlfriends do stupid crappy things.

If you don't want stupid, crappy things to happen to your belongings when they're in the vicinity of your stupid, crappy gf...dump her and fix the computer.

The good news is that the girlfriend is way easier to replace than the computer.


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## EleGirl

Nikita2270 said:


> Stupid, crappy girlfriends do stupid crappy things.
> 
> If you don't want stupid, crappy things to happen to your belongings when they're in the vicinity of your stupid, crappy gf...dump her and fix the computer.
> 
> The good news is that the girlfriend is way easier to replace than the computer.


It's the same with stupid crappy boyfriends.

But some people just keep keeping them around. :scratchhead:


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## 6301

Marcus588 said:


> Had she even been sober enough to at least have a clue what she was doing I doubt she would have. Should I give her an ultimatum?


 Seriously? You need to ask if you should give her a ultimatum? 

Do you really enjoy living and sleeping with a fall down drunk that can't keep her pants on and destroys things because of a drunk stupor? 

She's in her mid twenties and has the liver that in a very short time will be failing. 

If you just sit and and watch her drink herself into oblivion the I don't know whose worse, her for her behavior and drinking or you who just sits and watches a person slowly rot from the inside out because your afraid to take the proper steps in your life.

If she doesn't want to stop boozing and doesn't want the help then fine, move on but if you could get her the help and you don't do anything about it, then your only helping her.

Like I said, start by letting her know that the house is dry and let her know that she has a choice, rehab and you or tell her to take a hike. Open your mouth and say something and do something.


----------



## Marcus588

EleGirl said:


> It's the same with stupid crappy boyfriends.
> 
> But some people just keep keeping them around. :scratchhead:


What would you do if say you were living with her and she did the same to your computer?

I tried talking to her again today and she still doesn't think she should pay, she said "I admit it was an accident but $800 is way to much and I may only pay for a little depending on finances". Thing is just today she went to the salon and got her hair/nails done and shops at expensive clothing stores quite frequently so I know she is just trying to wiggle out of paying.


----------



## Dad&Hubby

Marcus588 said:


> What would you do if say you were living with her and she did the same to your computer?
> 
> I tried talking to her again today and she still doesn't think she should pay, she said "I admit it was an accident but $800 is way to much and I may only pay for a little depending on finances". Thing is just today she went to the salon and got her hair/nails done and shops at expensive clothing stores quite frequently so I know she is just trying to wiggle out of paying.


So what are you going to do about that?

Be the doormat and stay with her or use the pair you were born with and kick such an entitled selfish woman to the curb.

She's not going to change. She may temporarily self improve as a subconscious form of manipulating you, but she'll slowly return to form.


----------



## EleGirl

Marcus588 said:


> What would you do if say you were living with her and she did the same to your computer?
> 
> I tried talking to her again today and she still doesn't think she should pay, she said "I admit it was an accident but $800 is way to much and I may only pay for a little depending on finances". Thing is just today she went to the salon and got her hair/nails done and shops at expensive clothing stores quite frequently so I know she is just trying to wiggle out of paying.


I would tell here that if she had been stone sober, the cat walked in front of her and tripped her and so she spilled her soda in my computer it would be something. Maybe the two of us could split the cost… or if I she was otherwise a person who respected me and my property and this was truly a mistake, I might just let it go. 

But the issue here is her complete lack of responsibility and lack of understanding that getting blacked out drunk is 100% unacceptable. When she chose to drink like that, she made a conscious choice to destroy things… whether it was destroying her reputation running around outside naked or pouring her drink into your computer. It was an irresponsible CHOICE.

Her drinking is out of control. Either she gets into a program to dry up and stop drinking AND pays to fix or replace your computer or your relationship is over.

There is no way that I would live with a drunk. No way. There is no way that I would live with someone who destroys my property like this when it was not an accident and/or a mistake. 

Actually I would write the above in a letter so that she could not stop me in the middle of my talking to her and try to make it all my fault. I’d give her the letter and have copies of it in case she throws it away. (Yes I’ve done this before with someone who was staying at my house.)

Are you living in her house? Your house? Or are you both on the lease, mortgage, whatever?

Another serious question. Why do you put up with her drinking like this?


----------



## Happyfamily

Marcus588 said:


> What would you do if say you were living with her and she did the same to your computer?


lol. I had the exact same thing happen. I kicked him out.


----------



## ladybird

Id find another girlfriend


----------



## Marcus588

EleGirl said:


> I would tell here that if she had been stone sober, the cat walked in front of her and tripped her and so she spilled her soda in my computer it would be something. Maybe the two of us could split the cost… or if I she was otherwise a person who respected me and my property and this was truly a mistake, I might just let it go.
> 
> But the issue here is her complete lack of responsibility and lack of understanding that getting blacked out drunk is 100% unacceptable. When she chose to drink like that she made a conscious choice to destroy things… whether it was destroying her repudiation running around outside naked or pouring her drink into your computer. It was an irresponsible CHOICE.
> 
> Her drinking is out of control. Either she gets into a program to dry up and stop drinking AND fix pay to fix or replace your computer or your relationship is over.
> 
> There is no way that I would live with a drunk. No way. There is no way that I would live with someone who destroys my property like this when it was not an accident and/or a mistake.
> 
> Actually I would write the above in a letter so that she could not stop me in the middle of my talking to her and try to make it all my fault. I’d give her the letter and have copies of it in case she throws it away. (Yes I’ve done this before with someone who was staying at my house.)
> 
> Are you living in her house? Your house? Or are you both on the lease, mortgage, whatever?
> 
> Another serious question. Why do you put up with her drinking like this?


Thanks for the reply. We live in an apt with a 1 year lease. Thing is she didn't drink when we first met, it wasn't until she got a new job 11 months into a relationship (she was really nice and fun to be around then) that she started hanging out with some girls at work and since they drank she started to. But eventually it went from her just drinking out with her friends to buying liquor and bringing it home after work. As I said before she had a previous DUI at 21 but was scared straight and stopped drinking until now. 

But in addition to her getting crazy drunk I have noticed since she started drinking she has gotten angrier.


----------



## PBear

So she figures it would be more fair for YOU to pay for repairing your computer?

I'm with the others. Find another GF. 

C


----------



## EleGirl

Marcus588 said:


> Thanks for the reply. We live in an apt with a 1 year lease. Thing is she didn't drink when we first met, it wasn't until she got a new job 11 months into a relationship (she was really nice and fun to be around then) that she started hanging out with some girls at work and since they drank she started to. But eventually it went from her just drinking out with her friends to buying liquor and bringing it home after work. As I said before she had a previous DUI at 21 but was scared straight and stopped drinking until now.
> 
> But in addition to her getting crazy drunk I have noticed since she started drinking she has gotten angrier.


So she's an angry drunk. Not fun at all.

You still did not answer the question. Why are you staying with a drunk?

Do you drink a lot? 

Did you grow up with parents who were alcoholics?


----------



## sparkyjim

Nikita2270 said:


> Stupid, crappy girlfriends do stupid crappy things.
> 
> .


'Nuff said...


If this is what you want then good luck with her...


----------



## Marcus588

EleGirl said:


> So she's an angry drunk. Not fun at all.
> 
> You still did not answer the question. Why are you staying with a drunk?
> 
> Do you drink a lot?
> 
> Did you grow up with parents who were alcoholics?


I am still with her because I would hope there is something I can do to help. And again we have a year lease on our apt (which was just renewed 2 months ago) so it's not as if I can just up and leave without inuring penalties and leaving her to pay everything herself.

No, I do not drink. Last time I drank was as a teen.

Nope, her parents are devout Catholics and never have been drinkers.


----------



## EleGirl

Marcus588 said:


> I am still with her because I would hope there is something I can do to help. And again we have a year lease on our apt (which was just renewed 2 months ago) so it's not as if I can just up and leave without inuring penalties and leaving her to pay everything herself.
> 
> No, I do not drink. Last time I drank was as a teen.
> 
> Nope, her parents are devout Catholics and never have been drinkers.


If you want to try to help her there are a few things you can do... one is to read the book "Codependent No More". There other is to join Al Anon. Do not even try to do this without a very good support system. 

Just remember that only she can help herself. She has to want to do this.

Right now there is not a lot of reason for her to change because you seem to be accepting her behavior. You need to let her know that you will not accept this kind of behavior from her again.


----------



## sparkyjim

Marcus588 said:


> I am still with her because I would hope there is something I can do to help.


There is something you can do to help.

You can tell her that you can no longer be with her because of her drinking. And then you can take your things and leave.

What do you think is going to cause her to wake up and see the damage that she is causing to herself, the relationship that you think you share, and now your computer?

Right now you are enabling her to BE AN ALCOHOLIC !!

When you stop enabling her then she will have to face her problem head on.

You CAN"T DO anything that will help her. All you can do is make her face herself head on. Only then will she either sink or swim.

And let me point out to you that while she broke your computer while she was drunk, she refused to make amends while she was sober.

That pretty much shows what her true character is. Selfish, unable to accept responsibility, inconsiderate. I would be done, if I was in your shoes. And don't use a lease as another excuse. That's just lame.


----------



## Hopeful Cynic

Aside from the whole alcoholism thing, which she has to decide to do something about herself - you can't fix it for her, her behaviour while drunk and afterwards is telling a whole lot of valuable stuff about her true personality.

She's careless. She deliberately destroys your stuff.

She's selfish. She'd rather pamper herself than help you out.

She's irresponsible. She doesn't feel guilty about what she did and won't recompense you.

And you're not even a stranger. You're someone she purports to love!

Being drunk lowers inhibitions. That she would do and say those things while drunk means that's what she is really like deep down inside. She's just sober enough to censor herself most of the time.

Now that you know what her real priorities are, threaten to dump her if she doesn't get her drinking under control. And then follow through. Doesn't sound like you have enough invested in her to stay. Sure you lose money breaking the lease, but how much more of your stuff does she have to wreck before that costs more?


----------



## EleGirl

She got a DWI when she was 21.

You say that scared her straight for a long time... until a few months ago.

How long have you known her? A 1.5 years? 

So you only have her word that she stopped drinking for 6 or so years. Not sure I'd buy that. Getting blacked out drunk on a regular basis is usually a sign of advance alchololism.


----------



## Marcus588

EleGirl said:


> If you want to try to help her there are a few things you can do... one is to read the book "Codependent No More". There other is to join Al Anon. Do not even try to do this without a very good support system.
> 
> Just remember that only she can help herself. She has to want to do this.
> 
> Right now there is not a lot of reason for her to change because you seem to be accepting her behavior. You need to let her know that you will not accept this kind of behavior from her again.


I get that she has to help herself. It's not that I accept her behavior but I can't force her to stop drinking or to go to AA. Are you suggesting when she brings home a bottle of booze I take it from her and pour it out? She already has one bottle of vodka half full in the freezer, should I just go dump it out and tell her no more drinking? And if I do want to leave how should I approach the apt lease, I can't just kick her out.


----------



## Marcus588

EleGirl said:


> She got a DWI when she was 21.
> 
> You say that scared her straight for a long time... until a few months ago.
> 
> How long have you known her? A 1.5 years?
> 
> So you only have her word that she stopped drinking for 6 or so years. Not sure I'd buy that. Getting blacked out drunk on a regular basis is usually a sign of advance alchololism.


I have known her a little over two years and she quite forthcoming about her DUI and how she stopped drinking. I do only have her word but the fact that I have known her for a little over two years and never saw her drink and even refuse to go out drinking with others I am inclined to believe her. I guess she just got a lot of peer pressure from her gfs at work. She does work a pretty stressful job.


----------



## EleGirl

Marcus588 said:


> I get that she has to help herself. It's not that I accept her behavior but I can't force her to stop drinking or to go to AA. Are you suggesting when she brings home a bottle of booze I take it from her and pour it out? She already has one bottle of vodka half full in the freezer, should I just go dump it out and tell her no more drinking? And if I do want to leave how should I approach the apt lease, I can't just kick her out.


Can she afford the apartment on her own? What would it take to break the lease. 

If she cannot afford it on her own, perhaps you could advertise and find someone else who wants to rent the place. Then helpfully the landlord will accept rip up your lease and give the other person a lease.

Maybe her drinking buddies will move in with her since they seem to be very important to her.

You asking her to stop drinking is a very reasonable thing to ask. So if she refuses something reasonable, she is choosing for you to move out and leave her to have the place on her own. You can have the landlord draw up a new lease with just her on it.


----------



## EleGirl

Marcus588 said:


> I have known her a little over two years and she quite forthcoming about her DUI and how she stopped drinking. I do only have her word but the fact that I have known her for a little over two years and never saw her drink and even refuse to go out drinking with others I am inclined to believe her. I guess she just got a lot of peer pressure from her gfs at work. She does work a pretty stressful job.


How often is she out drinking with these women? Are you sure it's just them and there are no guys involved in this?

A stressful job is no excuse for her behavior.


----------



## Nucking Futs

Marcus588 said:


> I get that she has to help herself. It's not that I accept her behavior but I can't force her to stop drinking or to go to AA. Are you suggesting when she brings home a bottle of booze I take it from her and pour it out? She already has one bottle of vodka half full in the freezer, should I just go dump it out and tell her no more drinking? And if I do want to leave how should I approach the apt lease, I can't just kick her out.


Alright, since the frickin' lease is the only thing you can think about, tell us about it. Is it in your name or hers? If it's in your name, can you afford to pay it without her?


----------



## Marcus588

EleGirl said:


> Can she afford the apartment on her own? What would it take to break the lease.
> 
> If she cannot afford it on her own, perhaps you could advertise and find someone else who wants to rent the place. Then helpfully the landlord will accept rip up your lease and give the other person a lease.
> 
> Maybe her drinking buddies will move in with her since they seem to be very important to her.
> 
> You asking her to stop drinking is a very reasonable thing to ask. So if she refuses something reasonable, she is choosing for you to move out and leave her to have the place on her own. You can have the landlord draw up a new lease with just her on it.


She could afford the rent but with all the other bills she has she'd be scraping by with not much left. 



EleGirl said:


> How often is she out drinking with these women? Are you sure it's just them and there are no guys involved in this?
> 
> A stressful job is no excuse for her behavior.


I'd say around 2-3 times every two weeks. She also goes shopping with them and such. I don't think there are guys her friends have brought her home from a night out and it's always been girls in the car.



Nucking Futs said:


> Alright, since the frickin' lease is the only thing you can think about, tell us about it. Is it in your name or hers? If it's in your name, can you afford to pay it without her?


It's in both of our names. I can't afford everything on my own and they are very strict about changing the lease. They said if we broke it we would have to pay the other months rent.


----------



## phillybeffandswiss

I hope your rent is way more than 800 dollars............


----------



## Marcus588

phillybeffandswiss said:


> I hope your rent is way more than 800 dollars............


Depends what you mean by that. I pay half for it, however the full rent for our 2 bedroom apt is $685.


----------



## GusPolinski

She'd prolly have a lot more $$$ if she kicked the booze.


----------



## 2ntnuf

Marcus588 said:


> Depends what you mean by that. I pay half for it, however the full rent for our 2 bedroom apt is $685.


Marcus, sometimes you will have to step back from the thread and make sure you are staying on track. So far, you've done well. You are going to get a lot of short, terse comments because these folks have been there and know the best thing for you to do, at your young age, with no children and being single, is unfortunately to get out of the relationship.

They don't mean to hurt your feelings, but it's obvious to them and it likely won't be for you, since, I get the impression you love her. 

I want to say that, some folks can get drunk a few times and because of their genetics, will become alcoholics quite easily. It doesn't mean she has to have been drinking for a long time. However, that's more likely. 

She doesn't respect you much. What you wrote about her actions, reads like she just doesn't have the same feelings you have for her. They aren't as deep or serious. 

She will take advantage of you, and likely has in the past. 

You do need to make a stand. That will be hard, but worth it in the end. It may hurt you some, but she doesn't truly care for you enough to spend any more time on her other than giving her some info on AA and telling her you need to break up. 

If you were married and had children, things might be a little different. It just doesn't make sense to put the huge amount of work in that it will take to help her, and she really doesn't seem to love you as you do her. 

You can do it. I think you need to read something on how to take a stand for yourself. Maybe a book on boundaries. Probably something like, "Holding On To Your N.U.T.S.", would help you to stand up for yourself and know when to let go and hold on. 

Hang in there. You will make it through this, with or without her. My guess is, it will be much better without her. 

You do need to look into the lease before you do anything other than talk to her about her drinking and AA, if you can't afford the place on your own. That will be two things started. It will take a little time to get those done and then take the next step.

In the mean time, I think you should do a little 180 on her. I don't think it has to be a hard 180, but something that lets her know she isn't the most important thing in your world when she acts like that. 

You can look up the Healing Heart and read it. Decide for yourself if you want to use it, but it likely would help you to detach and be less hurt in the long run. I doubt she will change. I don't think she feels the same as you.


----------



## imtamnew

It all boils down to a simple question.

What are you going to do about it?

1. Accept that this will never change and make peace with it.
2. Cut your loses and get out.
3. Live as FWB with her till lease runs out.
4. Live as just friends with her till lease runs out.

I think 4 is the best way forwards. But its not me who is living there.


----------



## 6301

Marcus588 said:


> I get that she has to help herself. It's not that I accept her behavior but I can't force her to stop drinking or to go to AA. Are you suggesting when she brings home a bottle of booze I take it from her and pour it out? She already has one bottle of vodka half full in the freezer, should I just go dump it out and tell her no more drinking? And if I do want to leave how should I approach the apt lease, I can't just kick her out.


 Look. It's your house too and her drinking is causing a lot of problems. Being naked outside with the cops, your computer and no doubt other things that you haven't mentioned. Aren't you entitled to something better? 

She has to know coming from you that her drinking and her lack of responsibility is making an unhappy situation at your home.

You can't force her to make changes in her life, but you can make changes in yours so all you have to do is ask yourself one simple question.

Do you feel like you deserve better and is being with a fall down drunk with an attitude that being drunk gives her the right to destroy property and get away with it?

If this is what you want then good luck to you because you'll need it or if you can do better, than tell her that if her booze is more important to her than you then move on and and good luck.


----------



## jaharthur

Marcus588 said:


> I get that she has to help herself. It's not that I accept her behavior but I can't force her to stop drinking or to go to AA. Are you suggesting when she brings home a bottle of booze I take it from her and pour it out? She already has one bottle of vodka half full in the freezer, should I just go dump it out and tell her no more drinking? And if I do want to leave how should I approach the apt lease, I can't just kick her out.


Why not a no alcohol in the apartment rule? That won't solve the problem, though, so

An ultimatum to her: "I love you, but I can't continue this way. No more drinking and get help for your addiction or I have to leave."

Also, I'm no expert in the area, but what about an intervention? Are you and her parents/family on good terms? Are they nearby? Do they know about this issue and could they help?


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Everyone is on the right track. If you were married and had kids you have more invested and it makes sense to give her an ultimatum of AA and zero tolerance on alcohol and try to make it work.

But you are relatively young (but old enough to know better) and right now you should cut your losses and move out. 

Stop worrying about whether she can afford it, Get your name off the lease and into hers alone if you can. Move out. Why do you care what happens to her when she doesn't care about your stuff which you NEED for your JOB?

She is immature and careless. An ADULT would see they were makign some bad choices and associating with people who weren't good for them and make adjustments. Stress? Take up running, not drinking. "Friends" who encourage irresponsible behavior? She should tell them that she needs to focus on her career and relationship. If she wants these friends and they are REAL friends they will understand that she can't just have a couple drinks therefore she is quitting. A good friend will respect that, encourage that and not drink with them.

Seriously - this could end up really badly. And if you were already married I'd say give an ultimatum and try to help her. But you aren't. You have your whole life ahead of you and she will screw it up.

If you REALLY want to help her, you WILL give her an ultimatum. Tell her you guys need to talk, explain that you've noticed she's angry a lot lately and drinking to excess and you think she has a problem. Tell her that you love her and you don't want to see her ruin her life OR yours and that you have dumped out all of the alcohol in the house. Say that you have looked up local AA chapter meetings and that you want both of you to go and you want her to see a counselor for her anger. And let her know that you will be supportive and will stay if she commits to these changes but if she doesn't, you will need to leave because you can't stick around and watch the downward spiral. You didn't move in with a drunk and you won't live with one and certainly won't marry one.

Because combining assets with someone who may very well get you sued for everything you ever worked for, forcing you to live with a huge judgement (even millions) as well as a feeling of responsibility for not intervening hanging over you for the rest of your life simply isn't an option.


----------



## xakulax

OP if there was ever a girl who was a high risk for multiple one night stands it your GF 


*Excessive drinking *


*Blackouts *


*No sense of accountability*


*Toxic friends*



Op you have an opportunity many here don't get a chance to prevent having your heart ripped out if she is unwilling to change than *you need to move on*



I'm sorry to say it but its as simple as that 




PS:naked outside with the cops :scratchhead:


----------



## 2ntnuf

xakulax said:


> OP if there was ever a girl who was a high risk for multiple one night stands it your GF
> 
> 
> *Excessive drinking *
> 
> 
> *Blackouts *
> 
> 
> *No sense of accountability*
> 
> 
> *Toxic friends*
> 
> 
> 
> Op you have an opportunity many here don't get a chance to prevent having your heart ripped out if she is unwilling to change than *you need to move on*
> 
> 
> 
> I'm sorry to say it but its as simple as that
> 
> 
> 
> 
> PS:*naked outside with the cops* :scratchhead:


Yeah, I sort of thought that would go well in one of the double standard threads here, maybe both. No charges pressed. Why? The police will push for charges if they think it's necessary. Why didn't they think it necessary? Why did the folks who saw her not press charges? That could have put a stop to this, right there. It likely would have shown op the error of his emotional attachment. My gut tells me, if it was a hairy old guy or a toothless old woman, they'd be in jail, not just in AA and fined. 

Sorry for the short threadjack, op. I had to get that out. Maybe someone will take that to a different forum and start a thread. Something is really wrong with our society.


----------



## DoF

So you were smart enough to wait until next day when she is sober, yet not smart enough to figure out that when she did get sober she blew you off?

Her reply to you the next day is a good indicator of how crappy she really is.

Do you want that long term? 

Time to dump her and YES I would take her to civil court too!


----------



## MarriedTex

Whatever you pay now to break the apartment lease is a pennies on the dollar investment. If you stick around, you are bargaining for a lifetime of misery fueled by an alcoholic spouse. Literally, no pricetag you can put on that. You have the opportunity to avoid that future misery. The lost $800 computer will be the best $800 you ever spent. 

Give her an AA pamphlet and tell her you're moving out. This is a life-changing golden opportunity for you. Don't be penny wise and pound foolish. Run, Forest, Run.


----------



## xakulax

MarriedTex said:


> Whatever you pay now to break the apartment lease is a pennies on the dollar investment. If you stick around, you are bargaining for a lifetime of misery fueled by an alcoholic spouse. Literally, no pricetag you can put on that. You have the opportunity to avoid that future misery. The lost $800 computer will be the best $800 you ever spent.
> 
> Give her an AA pamphlet and tell her you're moving out. *This is a life-changing golden opportunity for you. Don't be penny wise and pound foolish. Run, Forest, Run*.



:iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree:


----------



## Marcus588

2ntnuf said:


> Yeah, I sort of thought that would go well in one of the double standard threads here, maybe both. No charges pressed. Why? The police will push for charges if they think it's necessary. Why didn't they think it necessary? Why did the folks who saw her not press charges? That could have put a stop to this, right there. It likely would have shown op the error of his emotional attachment. My gut tells me, if it was a hairy old guy or a toothless old woman, they'd be in jail, not just in AA and fined.
> 
> Sorry for the short threadjack, op. I had to get that out. Maybe someone will take that to a different forum and start a thread. Something is really wrong with our society.


Well from what I understand by the time the cops were called and they had gotten there she had already gone back inside the apt and passed out in bed. Hence why when I got they were looking for her and when I went up they gave me her description (short young blonde woman) and I told them she was my gf and roommate. I went in, saw that she was passed out and went and told the cops and they gave me their number and said the people who called were not going to be pressing charges, just when she sobers up to have her call them. 

I agree with you though. I think her being young and pretty had a lot to do with it. Some guy running naked with his penis about? JAIL HIM!!! Pretty woman with breasts and vagina? Ehh..Not that bad! Least that's how I see it. 

I admit, at the time I was glad she wasn't arrested, but sadly it seems as if some jail time plus being put on the sex offender registry would have DEFINITELY cured her of her problem. 

I did pour all the alcohol out and my gf was very upset but I told her I don't want her to drink anymore, that I just can't take it and that she either breaks things or gets in trouble when she drinks. She just said "Well, I know my limit now" and won't talk to me. Ughh.


----------



## 2ntnuf

Marcus588 said:


> Well from what I understand by the time the cops were called and they had gotten there she had already gone back inside the apt and passed out in bed. Hence why when I got they were looking for her and when I went up they gave me her description (short young blonde woman) and I told them she was my gf and roommate. I went in, saw that she was passed out and went and told the cops and they gave me their number and said the people who called were not going to be pressing charges, just when she sobers up to have her call them.
> 
> I agree with you though. I think her being young and pretty had a lot to do with it. Some guy running naked with his penis about? JAIL HIM!!! Pretty woman with breasts and vagina? Ehh..Not that bad! Least that's how I see it.
> 
> I admit, at the time I was glad she wasn't arrested, but sadly it seems as if some jail time plus being put on the sex offender registry would have DEFINITELY cured her of her problem.
> 
> 
> I think this would be going way too far, depending on the number of times she has done it in the past, and exactly what was done while she was intoxicated. However, I do think something would have been better than nothing.
> 
> I wonder about the laws and why someone would have to press charges. That doesn't make sense. A law was broken. I suppose the police didn't see it. Someone else did. They admitted it to the police. Something should have been done.
> 
> Doesn't matter, it's done with.
> 
> I did pour all the alcohol out and my gf was very upset but I told her I don't want her to drink anymore, that I just can't take it and that she either breaks things or gets in trouble when she drinks. She just said "Well, I know my limit now" and won't talk to me. Ughh.


You still need to check on the lease agreement to see if you can somehow get her off of it. You also need to figure out if you can afford to stay there on your own. 

Her answer means she will not stop drinking. She will try to control it. It's time to leave or tell her to get out. Take the steps to figure out what you can legally do to get out of the lease or get her off of it. 

You can't wait any longer. Get out of that relationship. 

Hopefully, someone will explain how to detach. I do think the 180 is for any relationship, not just marriages.


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## DoF

Marcus588 said:


> I did pour all the alcohol out and my gf was very upset but I told her I don't want her to drink anymore, that I just can't take it and that she either breaks things or gets in trouble when she drinks. She just said "Well, I know my limit now" and won't talk to me. Ughh.


Rule of thumb (I learned this the hard way): You can never help someone that's not willing to help themselves.

Don't even bother, not worth your time or effort.

Show her how you feel about this ordeal with actions, not words.


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## Marcus588

2ntnuf said:


> I think this would be going way too far, depending on the number of times she has done it in the past, and exactly what was done while she was intoxicated. However, I do think something would have been better than nothing.
> 
> I wonder about the laws and why someone would have to press charges. That doesn't make sense. A law was broken. I suppose the police didn't see it. Someone else did. They admitted it to the police. Something should have been done.
> 
> Doesn't matter, it's done with.


Well, I am sure had she still been running out naked when the cops came she probably would have been. As far as her getting on the sex offender registry, considering you can just be put on it for mooning someone or peeing on the side of the road with no one around (especially if you are a man) I doubt the law would see it that way had she been arrested. 



2ntnuf said:


> You still need to check on the lease agreement to see if you can somehow get her off of it. You also need to figure out if you can afford to stay there on your own.
> 
> Her answer means she will not stop drinking. She will try to control it. It's time to leave or tell her to get out. Take the steps to figure out what you can legally do to get out of the lease or get her off of it.
> 
> You can't wait any longer. Get out of that relationship.
> 
> Hopefully, someone will explain how to detach. I do think the 180 is for any relationship, not just marriages.


I just recently called them up and they said there's no getting out of it. If either of us breaks it we have to pay. And I can not afford this by myself.


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## 2ntnuf

Marcus588 said:


> Well, I am sure had she still been running out naked when the cops came she probably would have been. As far as her getting on the sex offender registry, considering you can just be put on it for mooning someone or peeing on the side of the road with no one around (especially if you are a man) I doubt the law would see it that way had she been arrested.
> 
> 
> I just recently called them up and they said there's no getting out of it. If either of us breaks it we have to pay. And I can not afford this by myself.


Time to learn how to do the 180. 

I have no experience doing that. Someone else will have to help. I wish you the best. It's not going to be easy, if you can't afford to get out.

Call an attorney and make certain what you can and cannot do. This is important. Don't take any steps until you know what you can legally do.


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## Marcus588

2ntnuf said:


> Time to learn how to do the 180.
> 
> I have no experience doing that. Someone else will have to help. I wish you the best. It's not going to be easy, if you can't afford to get out.
> 
> Call an attorney and make certain what you can and cannot do. This is important. Don't take any steps until you know what you can legally do.


I can't afford an attorney. What should I do in the mean time? If I break up with her I am worried she will possibly ruin some more of my stuff or do other things to make myself miserable. I am worried she'll become very vengeful. And if I catch her drunk as a skunk again, then what?


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## lenzi

Marcus588 said:


> I can't afford an attorney. What should I do in the mean time?


Hand her a new bottle of vodka, say you're really sorry for dumping the last one, and after she gets drunk and is running around outside naked, go ahead and lock the doors. 

Preferably wait until a very cold night.


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## 2ntnuf

It seems you may need to call the police and let them know what is going on. You need to keep a journal of her actions. You can call your county courthouse and they may be able to help you with finding a pro bono or low cost attorney.

I have really no more suggestions for you. I hope you will find others here who will offer good advice.


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## EleGirl

Marcus588 said:


> I can't afford an attorney. What should I do in the mean time? If I break up with her I am worried she will possibly ruin some more of my stuff or do other things to make myself miserable. I am worried she'll become very vengeful. And if I catch her drunk as a skunk again, then what?


You need what's called an exit plan.

Do you have any friends or family members that you can stay with?


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## 6301

Marcus588 said:


> I can't afford an attorney. What should I do in the mean time? If I break up with her I am worried she will possibly ruin some more of my stuff or do other things to make myself miserable. I am worried she'll become very vengeful. And if I catch her drunk as a skunk again, then what?


 So far it's all about her. Her drinking, her ruining your stuff, her getting vengeful. 

You got a cell phone? it has numbers on it. If she gives you any flack when she's drunk out of her mind then you punch in three numbers on your phone. 9-1-1 and let the cops come and haul her away.

I got to tell you that she has you so buffaloed and fearful of her. You can't afford to live there on your own and you can't afford to stay with her.

I wouldn't worry about you breaking the lease. She's going to do something really stupid and the landlord is going to bounce both your ass' out of there, then what?

You got to make a stand and stop worrying about her because she sure as hell doesn't worry about you because if she did, she wouldn't be drunk half the time.


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## EnjoliWoman

Get a roommate. Ask her to move out. It will take her a few weeks to move out and meanwhile run an ad for a male roommate. Expensive apartment issue solved.

Fear of ruining your stuff:

Right before you tell her to move out, get a newspaper, take a picture of the front page where the date is readable. Take photos of every room of the apartment with that newspaper in it. Now you can prove that, as of that date, the apartment was in excellent condition. If you have to take her to court to pay for damages later, then do it. 

At the same time, put your stuff in the to her bedroom and put a lock on the door so she can't mess your stuff up. Take a photo of the closed, locked door and the contents of the room. If she gets drunk and breaks the door, you have proof.

Seriously, I don't see this ending well whether it's in a month or 12 years. Don't wait 12 years.


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## phillybeffandswiss

Marcus588 said:


> Depends what you mean by that. I pay half for it, however the full rent for our 2 bedroom apt is $685.


I'm addressing your argument for staying because of breaking the lease agreement. 

You break the lease, which would be $685, lose the deposit, or you build another computer, wait for something to happen again and you are then out a total of $1600.

Your girlfriend isn't one of the "I hold my liquor well" aka "functioning" alcoholics. She sounds EXACTLY like my friend. She is doing a 5 year bid for vehicular manslaughter. My state doesn't do the 2 for 1 like they do for many other crimes. She has to do the entire stretch. She was arrested a few months after the new law went into affect. We tried everything and at a certain point you have to step back.


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## 2ntnuf

Marcus,

You're going to have to weigh your options and make the decision. Enjoli and Philly, both make great points. I just want to add that you will need a new deposit for the new apartment, so that's an added expense. I think you will break even either way. 

I don't think the computer is the most important consideration, and why I don't believe I've even addressed it. 

So, in my mind, you can stay and put yourself through a whole bunch of crap that has the potential to cause you serious legal trouble with your girlfriend, or you can look into breaking the lease and getting another place.

However, I don't know how long you will have to stay there till you gather the money for the deposit. So, the idea may be moot. 

I think I'd call legal services, but that's me.


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## HobbesTheTiger

Hi.

That girl has more red flags than China 

Since I'm in the legal profession, I'll firstly address some of the legal stuff 

1. Do you have a friend of a friend of a friend who could take a look at the contract and try to help you find a way out?
2. Have you looked at the pro bono legal aid in your area?
3. Have you looked at the "1st meeting free of charge" lawyers in your area? Talk to them about potentially having to defend yourself against the landlord's claims about destroyed property etc., and then casually ask about any way out?
4. If nothing of the above is an option, I'd still recommend you invest 100$ dollars in a lawyer just to make sure there's no way out of the lease?
5. If nothing of the above, could you scan the contract (without personal identity information etc.) and post it here, so we can take a look?

Some potential options I'd give to someone who came to me (I'm from Europe, so it's more general):
1. Check if you're allowed to sub-let the appartment/your room to someone? If yes, you can find someone else and you move out, and "only" have to pay the difference.
2. Check if you can demand from the landlords that they ensure the she upholds the contractual obligations (in my country, such behaviour could be cause for cancelling the contract, since she's endangering the property of the landlords and of other tennants (you)? And think about telling them that unless they allow you to cancel the contract and leave, their failure to take steps that ensure no other tennants harm your property through their breach of contracts will be a breach of their (landlords') contractual obligations towards you (again, talk to someone about this or at least let us see the contract).
3. Start documenting EVERYTHING. Not just paper-documenting, but take pictures etc., to have evidence of before/after state of the appartment and your property.

Ok, enough of this for now

//////

I agree with what the others have said. You should do whatever you can to get as far away from her as possible. You can't help her get better. She needs to deal with hear alcoholism (because she wants to, not just because you force her - addicts need to want to be helped), with her other issues (lack of responsibility, low self-esteem and liability to peer-pressure) through therapy and in general become a much more mature, responsible and better persone before she'll be any sort of material for a healthy relationship.

And you need to work on your issues. Starting with codependency, "mr. nice guy" and knight-in-shining-armour syndromes. I say that nicely and helpfully, as someone who has been dealing with that in my therapy sessions

/////

Would be it accurate do say that a big reason why you're still with her at the moment is fear?

Fear of:
- financial consequences of moving out?
- her vengefulness towards you&your property?
- being made out to be "the bad guy"?

If so, I'd like you to think about the bigger fears you should have if you stay with her as a couple and with her as a couple:

1. Fear of her getting pregnant. You'd be stuck with her and all her present and future problems for the rest of her life. The child would be in danger before born (drinking) and after. Child (support) would be much more expensive than any liability if you move out.
2. Fear of getting an STD from her because of her sexual relations with guys during her blackouts. Or, since her entitlement, drinking,..., are red flags for future cheating probability, her sex because you'll become her "daddy" and she'll look for others because she won't be mature enough to deal with her problems and will dislike you for trying to "control" her. Treating STDs, some incurable, bigger problem than money.
3. Fear of her getting fined, causing damage etc., and expecting you to help her pay for it.
4. Fear of her losing her job because of her drinking, leaving you to cover the bills.
5. Fear of her destroying more of your property.
6. Losing your sanity in 10 more months of prison with her. Money ain't worth it. Plus, as it gets worse, the more therapy you'll need to get better afterwards, so longterm it will cost you more.
7. Fear of attorney bills when situation gets worse.
8. Fear of paying the landlords her damage.

And many more.

///

Stop having sex immediately with her. You don't want her to "accidentally" become pregnant.

////

So I agree with others. Find a way to get out there. Preferably without having to pay 1/2 of the rent, but if no other way, still. Crash at your parents/friends for a while, take out a loan, ..., just get the f out! It will be healthier for you, and cheaper in the long run. You might have to live more frugally for a while, but you can take that as a price for avoiding a horrible relationship and horrible costs in the future. And this experience will hopefully motivate you to improve yourself and your picker, so this will be the last long-term unhealthy relationship with someone like her.

I truly wish you the best. I got out of a relationship with my first serious GF and was devasted. But I rationally know she was too messed up to be in a healthy relationship and as people tell me, I won the lottery by getting out before marrying her or getting her "accidentally" pregnant. I hope you will manage to do the same. 

Best wishes from Europe


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## karole

Buy a VAR and keep it on you.


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## Nucking Futs

HobbesTheTiger said:


> Hi.
> 
> That girl has more red flags than China
> 
> Since I'm in the legal profession, I'll firstly address some of the legal stuff
> 
> 1. Do you have a friend of a friend of a friend who could take a look at the contract and try to help you find a way out?
> 2. Have you looked at the pro bono legal aid in your area?
> 3. Have you looked at the "1st meeting free of charge" lawyers in your area? Talk to them about potentially having to defend yourself against the landlord's claims about destroyed property etc., and then casually ask about any way out?
> 4. If nothing of the above is an option, I'd still recommend you invest 100$ dollars in a lawyer just to make sure there's no way out of the lease?
> 5. If nothing of the above, could you scan the contract (without personal identity information etc.) and post it here, so we can take a look?
> 
> Some potential options I'd give to someone who came to me (I'm from Europe, so it's more general):
> 1. Check if you're allowed to sub-let the appartment/your room to someone? If yes, you can find someone else and you move out, and "only" have to pay the difference.
> *2. Check if you can demand from the landlords that they ensure the she upholds the contractual obligations (in my country, such behaviour could be cause for cancelling the contract, since she's endangering the property of the landlords and of other tennants (you)? And think about telling them that unless they allow you to cancel the contract and leave, their failure to take steps that ensure no other tennants harm your property through their breach of contracts will be a breach of their (landlords') contractual obligations towards you (again, talk to someone about this or at least let us see the contract).*
> 3. Start documenting EVERYTHING. Not just paper-documenting, but take pictures etc., to have evidence of before/after state of the appartment and your property.
> 
> Ok, enough of this for now
> 
> //////
> Edited for brevity.


I like your brain. If you were here with me I'd pull it out and pet it.:smthumbup:


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## 2ntnuf




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## HobbesTheTiger

Marcus, everything all right?


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## Marcus588

No, I talked to her and she sad I don't understand her "feelings". That if I were a good bf I would try to understand her side.


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## HobbesTheTiger

Thanks for the reply! Urgh @her reply. She wants you to be her doormat and support her feelings&actions, no matter what they are or how harmful they are. Another red flag.

How do you feel? What do you think!


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## Cooper

Marcus588 think real hard before you answer my question, it's a two parter;

1) If you met your girlfriend while she was drunk would you have still fallen in love with her and asked to commit to an apartment and lease?

2) Are you OK living the rest of your life dealing with the recent drama her drinking has caused?

If you answered yes to either question I wish you the best of luck. If you answered no then why the heck are you still with her? Get her out of your life, get a part time job if you need the money to cover the rent, a year of working two jobs is certainly better than a lifetime of misery.


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## Hopeful Cynic

Marcus588 said:


> No, I talked to her and she sad I don't understand her "feelings". That if I were a good bf I would try to understand her side.


How about understanding that she's just twisting the situation around to make it your fault instead of acknowledging her own blame.

Tell her you'll accompany her to AA and go to Al-Anon yourself so you can better understand the feelings of an alcoholic.


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## LongWalk

Marcus,

The long term prospects for this relationship are bad. However, try and make the best of the situation. One, you are confronting the problem. That is an enormous improvement. Second, you are looking at the big picture. That gives you a lot more leverage.

She says that you need to understand her feelings. Tell her you do to some degree. The computer is an issue that is relatively small. You want her to go to AA. You will go to the AA support group for spouses. It won't hurt you to have this experience, regardless of how things turn out.

Tell her that your relationship will not have a future without facing her addiction. Tell your GF you are sorry that you have waited so long to figure things out.

Ask her to talk about her feelings. Listen. Listen. Repeat back what she tells you without judging her, so that she knows that you are understanding her.

You can show compassion for her without being a doormat.

Do you know her family?

Also, why were you initially drawn to her? Did you sense that she was not 100% and wanted to rescue her?


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## EleGirl

Marcus588 said:


> No, I talked to her and she sad I don't understand her "feelings". That if I were a good bf I would try to understand her side.


What did you reply when she said this?

Her feelings about what? Getting black out drunk? Ruining your computer?

If she is a good gf she will try to understand your feelings.

She is the one whose behavior is out of control.


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## 2ntnuf

Cooper said:


> Marcus588 think real hard before you answer my question, it's a two parter;
> 
> 1) If you met your girlfriend while she was drunk would you have still fallen in love with her and asked to commit to an apartment and lease?
> 
> 2) Are you OK living the rest of your life dealing with the recent drama her drinking has caused?
> 
> If you answered yes to either question I wish you the best of luck. If you answered no then why the heck are you still with her? Get her out of your life, get a part time job if you need the money to cover the rent, a year of working two jobs is certainly better than a lifetime of misery.



Marcus, 

I have to agree vehemently with this. I was in your position when I was in my late teens and early twenties. Please consider this carefully.


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## 2ntnuf

If she was a good girlfriend, she would not only consider your feelings, but she would take care of herself, so that she was happy and could bring happiness to your relationship. 

She would want to live a happy life, not a life of getting so drunk she passes out. If you just look at the situation that way, and think about, "what would she do if we never met", then you may find that she really doesn't care about herself. 

You want your partner to care about herself because she must, in order to care about you, as well. If she is not healthy, in mind and body, she cannot bring good things to any relationship. 

You want a partner to be there for you, to love you and you them. That requires action to express. How does she show that love for you now? What does love look like to you? What actions would someone take if they loved you, that would make you feel and know you are loved? Not just what would she do, in this particular case, but what, ideally, does the expression of love toward you, look like?


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## john117

Maybe your computer case looks like this? 

View attachment 23490


If not, bail as quickly as you can. It's not worth the long term aggravation to have to deal with someone like her. The longer you carry on the harder it will be to detangle. 

Ask yourself if she has one overpowering characteristic that would make you oversee the drinking issue. If not, bail. Even if she pays for the damage it's not looking like a long term prospect. 

Hopefully you did not lose work or data...


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## Marduk

Marcus588 said:


> No, I talked to her and she sad I don't understand her "feelings". That if I were a good bf I would try to understand her side.


OMFG she's so funny.

Sorry brother, from a guy that's dated dozens of bsc females and married 2...

Run.

Run like the bloody wind.

Oh, and look up gaslighting. Recognizing this will be a skill you will cherish with the next few girls.


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## NotLikeYou

Marcus588 said:


> No, I talked to her and she sad I don't understand her "feelings". That if I were a good bf I would try to understand her side.


Marcus588, they say that a smart man learns from his mistakes, but a wise man learns from other's mistakes.

Right now, its safe to cross you off the list of "wise men." And honestly, qualifying for "smart man" isn't looking too good, either.

But here's the thing- you are still a MAN, and that means you are still responsible for yourself.

So when you find yourself farther down this road you are on, miserable, afraid, un-loved, and disrespected by this incredibly bad specimen of womanhood, it will be very important for you to remember that you have no one to blame for your situation but yourself.

It won't be your trollop's fault- she can't help herself. But, strangely enough, it will still be YOUR fault. Because if you'd been a better man, stronger, able to place boundaries of acceptable behavior on the relationship, maybe you could have helped her be a better woman.

You posted here looking for advice. Advice you received. You make excuses to not-take as much advice as you can. When posters point out that your girlfriend is not good wife material, you defend her. And if a piece of advice can't be handled in either of those two ways, you just go ahead and ignore it.


Stating that you are in a lousy situation is not advice. That's simply re-stating what you have written yourself. If you want to be in a situation that is not as lousy as the current one, you will have to make changes. Your full set of potential changes have been listed on this thread at one time or another. Either ditch the witch or enforce sobriety on her however you have to.

You're living the life you choose, and the life you deserve. If you think you deserve a better life, then make different choices!


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## EleGirl

Marcus... update?


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## Marcus588

Well, I have good news. I did break up with her and convinced her to get out. I have a buddy who agreed to take over and things are better now. Ex is staying with some girl from work but from what I heard she is getting tired of her crap lol. Also, I did bring up to my ex that either she should pay for my comp or I will take her to small claims court; she finally relented and gave me the money!


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## EleGirl

Marcus588 said:


> Well, I have good news. I did break up with her and convinced her to get out. I have a buddy who agreed to take over and things are better now. Ex is staying with some girl from work but from what I heard she is getting tired of her crap lol. Also, I did bring up to my ex that either she should pay for my comp or I will take her to small claims court; she finally relented and gave me the money!



:smthumbup: You rule!!!


Good for you. Doesn't it feel good to be away from the drama?


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## LongWalk

Good job. Sounds like you're not in love.

Did you suggest that she go to AA?


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## GusPolinski

Marcus588 said:


> Well, I have good news. I did break up with her and convinced her to get out. I have a buddy who agreed to take over and things are better now. Ex is staying with some girl from work but from what I heard she is getting tired of her crap lol. Also, I did bring up to my ex that either she should pay for my comp or I will take her to small claims court; she finally relented and gave me the money!


You know what... I'm gonna take credit for this...



GusPolinski said:


> Get a new computer. And a new girlfriend.


/pats shoulder

Actually... Wait... Maybe FrenchFry should...



FrenchFry said:


> Break up and take her to civil court?


Either way... Awesome!!!


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## JCD

EleGirl said:


> Another serious question. Why do you put up with her drinking like this?


Let me try to field this one: when she is drunk, she is cuddly and fun and likes to have lots of sex.

That's my guess anyway.


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## EleGirl

JCD said:


> Let me try to field this one: when she is drunk, she is cuddly and fun and likes to have lots of sex.
> 
> That's my guess anyway.


I guess she's not that much fun when drunk 'cause he's dumped her drunk, computer destroying behind.


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## JCD

EleGirl said:


> I guess she's not that much fun when drunk 'cause he's dumped her drunk, computer destroying behind.


Yeah...problem with these longer threads.

I am not particularly enthusiastic at how much (ahem) badgering it took to get him to see the lightning and hear the thunder.


----------

