# Help!! Love ..marriage ..compromise



## blossom11in (Mar 25, 2008)

Ian 26 years old ..recently got married . We knew eachother for last 2 years.. We love eachother very muc… he is 10 years elder to me… before marriage he told me that he is scared of sex.. and might not be able to satisfy me… I was deeply in love with him.. So I just wanted to be with him.. he never hided anythn with me… Its been 4 months we are married and we have never had Sex.. I really want to be physically close wid him.. He is every thn to me… I don’t want that in future we have an issue on that… I want to have our baby.. which I feel is not possible… What should I do to save my relation. He is everythn to me... but Iam a normal girl.. I want to express my love to him


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

Let him know that the sheer act is pleasing and you want to be with him physically as well as mentally and emotionally.

draconis


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## lostsoul (Mar 19, 2008)

Do you not think it weird that he has not had sex with you? Could he be hiding something? sorry but from experience....your marriage will not work if he does not shape up. You are not being satisfied and will end up cheating.


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## BrokenFrag (Mar 25, 2008)

Talk to him about it. Let him know that it is very important to your long term happiness. Try not to put pressure on him since it seems like he some severe hangups, but definitely talk about it. No marriage can succeed, no matter how much love there is if there isn't open and honest communication from the get go.


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## bluedano (Mar 25, 2008)

You're going to have to ask him whether or not he is willing to seek therapy for this issue. Hate to say it, but you should have made it a condition before accepting his proposal of marriage. As you know, a marriage without intimacy will turn you two into 'room mates' in short order. Tell him you will get the information, make the appointment and go with him. It sounds like you love him enough to do that. It also sounds like he has a profound problem which he might not get help for unless you are willing to literally lead him by the hand. 

And not to be voyeuristic, but to better understand: Do you sleep together? Have you ever seen him in the shower? If so, have you ever tried to make advances? Most couples have the opposite problem - sex before marriage and a willingness to avoid commitment altogether. I really feel for you. Can you investigate therapy for the both of you and present it to him?

DanO


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

lostsoul said:


> Do you not think it weird that he has not had sex with you? Could he be hiding something? sorry but from experience....your marriage will not work if he does not shape up. You are not being satisfied and will end up cheating.



So are you saying that is the reason to cheat? Is that why so many do it, they are not happy with their sex lives at home?

Truth is most couples are not sexually compatible. I hear all the time that the pne posting wants it more or wishes the other partner would leave them alone. Sex is a small part of a marriage although it can be an important one, on many levels.

Chances are he has a sexual problem and is embarrassed about it. 

*Wondering out loud:* Why is it so strange to people when the guy has a lower labido then the women (it is almost treated as a sinful act)?:scratchhead:

draconis


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## bluedano (Mar 25, 2008)

draconis said:


> ...Why is it so strange to people when the guy has a lower labido then the women (it is almost treated as a sinful act)?:scratchhead:
> 
> draconis


There is a huge difference between 'low labido' and 'no labido'. With that said; I agree that a lot of couples are not entirely sexually compatible. But we are able to modify our expectations and behaviors somewhat in order to make a marriage work with the one we truly love. Still, there are things my wife simply would not do. And even if I believed some of those extreme acts were important to me, I can accept that my wife simply does not view them as loving behavior - and vice versa.

But to get back on point; the OP simply wants to love her husband and have his baby. For that to happen they need to heal this situation.

DanO


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

blossom11in ~ Please understand I am not meaning to demean your angrish. I fully undestand the want and need of sex in a relationship. For procreation and family but for far more too.

Sex is a way to bond or rather share another bond with a partner. During orgasm it releases chemicals that create bonding between a pair. The physical act is fun and healthy for men and women alike. 

I might be inclined to check if he has medications that might reduce his sex drive, a physical problem or even recreational drugs and alcohol.

Can a couple have no sex and still be strong? I would say yes but like all things in a relationship it is yet another demention that can be added.

draconis


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## Tootles (Mar 29, 2008)

hi blossom11in, why is he scared? has he told you that? he def. needs to seek help. is he willing to do that?


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## Immortalone (Mar 5, 2008)

Maybe he has had a bad exp. in life with sex. I think you need to have a talk with him. Explain to him that you will show him what pleases you and makes you feel good. Be willing to do this and go slow and be his guide. I can't think of a single person that is with some one the first time and Just knows how to please them. Explain to him that part of the emotional side of being in love is also the exploring and getting to know each other.


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## bhappy3 (Feb 4, 2008)

*Wondering out loud:* Why is it so strange to people when the guy has a lower labido then the women (it is almost treated as a sinful act)?:scratchhead:

I'll tell you why, Draconis... it's b/c it's plastered EVERYWHERE that the man is a "horn dog" and thinks about nothing else... magazines, commercials, radio, talk shows, it doesn't matter where you look, society is saturated with sex and predominantly with the man wanting it and the woman "having a headache". 

Sure, it's like a victoria's secret catalog, it's all air brushed and photo shop'd, but does it make everyone think that it's not real when they see it?? No, we still believe it's attainable. Most men get turned on if the breeze blows their way, but then there are the fewer, such as this case, and such as the case with my husband, where the libido is lower than the woman's. It's a tough situation, belive me, hence the reason I found this forum is b/c my husband's libido is lower than the average portrayed male.


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

bhappy3 said:


> *my husband's libido is lower than the average portrayed male.*


*


SO is mine but for medical reasons associated with my MD.

draconis*


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