# W.T.F.?



## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

So my husband had been making a lot of hints lately about making love the last few days... Because of the holidays and time constraints, it's been about a week.

Finally, we were in bed together, and things were getting hot when he asked if I'd like to "taste" him... I said yes, and would he like to taste me... His response? "Well, I just had some vodka..."

Wtf. I asked what that meant, and he said that he meant that comment as a "joke" - and it doesn't make any sense to me. He certainly wasn't laughing...

In my mind, anything other than an enthusiastic "yes" is a "no".

Needless to say, this did not end well, even though he swears it wasn't a "rejection". I really doubt he'd feel differently if the shoe was on the other foot.

So, even though he's well aware of how self-conscious I've become with the pregnancy and weight gain, he still chose to make this kind of response and I am confused and deeply hurt. 

How would you feel in this situation?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## KanDo (Jun 15, 2011)

YinPrincess said:


> So my husband had been making a lot of hints lately about making love the last few days... Because of the holidays and time constraints, it's been about a week.
> 
> Finally, we were in bed together, and things were getting hot when he asked if I'd like to "taste" him... I said yes, and would he like to taste me... His response? "Well, I just had some vodka..."
> 
> ...


I would have said, "Sweetheart, I don't really understand what you said but lets get to it!" Not certain why you would let this bother you.


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

Why would I want to pressure him into doing something he obviously doesn't want to do?

I felt his comment was uncalled for, and there was no clear reason for it... I can't say I feel very sexual after being rejected and made to feel as though I'm disgusting. 
Part of what turns me on is turning him on.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

i think he was tryiong to say the taste wouldnt go with vodka.
i think it goes with anything.
or he just plain didnt want to.


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

I thought the same. What a way to woo a girl by letting her know vodka straight is "better" tasting.
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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

> taste wouldnt go with vodka.
> i think it goes with anything.


Depends which vodka, hope he wasn't drinking cheap smirnoff


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

Svedka, actually. :/
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

RandomDude said:


> Depends which vodka, hope he wasn't drinking cheap smirnoff


doesnt matter.
with anything.
that would improve the residual of the vodka anyways.


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## lost soul (May 20, 2009)

guys are just dumb asses sorry we can't help it


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

wifeofhusband said:


> Did he think maybe the remnants of the Vodka might burn your delicate areas?


come on now, a guy doesnt think like that.
if she offered it and he wanted to he would have dived in head first


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## DanF (Sep 27, 2010)

I don't know how long you have been married, but guys say stupid things at the worst times. We can't help it.
If you feel rejected every time something stupid is said or done in the the bed, you're in for a lot of rejection. Eventually, he just won't say anything, which you will likely take as rejection.
When women expect us to be perfect, we usually just quit. We can't be held to that high of a standard.


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## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

DanF said:


> I don't know how long you have been married, but guys say stupid things at the worst times. We can't help it.
> If you feel rejected every time something stupid is said or done in the the bed, you're in for a lot of rejection. Eventually, he just won't say anything, which you will likely take as rejection.
> When women expect us to be perfect, we usually just quit. We can't be held to that high of a standard.


*sigh*
I need someone smarter then that, who knows that unless praising during sex, to not say anything. 

It's not very hard to make some one feel sexy.


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## DanF (Sep 27, 2010)

Syrum said:


> *sigh*
> I need someone smarter then that, who knows that unless praising during sex, to not say anything.
> 
> It's not very hard to make some one feel sexy.


I can say the right things and make her feel sexy, but still elbow her in the eye as we move around.., and say something completely unsexy in the middle of it all. We both just laugh.


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## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

DanF said:


> I can say the right things and make her feel sexy, but still elbow her in the eye as we move around.., and say something completely unsexy in the middle of it all. We both just laugh.


Elbow in the eye doesn't count.

Telling someone you don't want to go down on them is not good;


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## OOE (Mar 17, 2011)

There's a neurological pathway to a man's mouth that somehow completely bypasses the brain. I can't explain it, but it's definately there.

I was walking into church yesterday with my GF. She looked GREAT (she always does).

The sunlight hit her black top in such a way that it made me think of something else, so my mouth said, "is that an exercise top?"

Where'd THAT come from??? It certainly didn't come from my brain, which knows FAR better than to say ANYTHING like that. The top didn't look like an exercise top. SHE didn't look like she just came from the gym. Maybe, just slightly, the fabric somewhat looked like the type that could possibly be used in an exercise top -- when viewed under certain lighting conditions.

Like I said, sometimes our words completly bypass our brains. Vodka makes this bypass much more likely.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

You should have pointed out that vodka and getting down go well together.

Tonight take back the moment and make him another vodka drink from last night, and tell him to get busy with the both of you.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

You're overthinking it.

And you may not taste or smell very good right now. When I was pregnant, my odor changed. It's normal


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

Honestly I haven't noticed any changes in myself. I've been pregnant for what seems like forever now, and it hadn't appeared that he had a problem, either, until now.

It's not like I hadn't bathed or anything, and speaking of that I can't tell you how many times I've gone down on him after he's been "active" and not necessarily the most appetizing, and I NEVER complained or made any comments to hurt his feelings.

I think it's selfish of him to want a bj and then be hesitant about returning the favor.

I'm sorry - the "guys say dumb things" line is a cop out. 

And - this isn't about "feeling rejected" over every little thing... This is about being with someone who is a selfish lover. Not to mention that he harshly trivialized my feelings after I let him know I was upset.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

How did he respond?

I think you are being oversensitive. Yes, what your husband said was silly, but it wasn't that bad.

Is your hubby normally a selfish lover?


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

He responded by saying it was a "joke" - one in which not even he could explain. I told him I was offended and a comment like that sounded like he was trying to make a flimsy justification for being selfish and lazy. Beyond that, he actually went further to trivialize it, even attacked me covertly in more ways than one, saying my feelings and the conversation were "ridiculous" and "insane" even though I was quite calm and trying very hard to understand what was going on. He never retracted what he said or efficiently explained what he meant.

My husband is normally not very selfish in bed, but the covert insults and passive-aggressiveness are things I've had to get used to in other aspects of our marriage, and frankly, it's causing me to feel and act in ways that I'm not happy with. 

My sensitivity is supposedly something he's always valued in me, because it's something he lacks (his words, and I agree), however it's no justification to be heartless and cold.

When we first started dating, oral sex was NOT something I enjoyed giving or receiving. HE was the one who, over time, helped me to not only accept, but love both. I'm just confused, as usual, over what in the world is actually going on in his head. The games are getting old.
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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

You are already on the defensive because he's such a jerk about your needs.

I get that.

Why continue to relate to him when he's like this? I dont know any answers  Just seems really effed up.


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

I don't know how not to relate?

Not sure what is the "right" thing to do. I've stayed in past relationships far too long in the past, so everytime something goes wrong I get this overwhelming urge to end it because I know from experience that waiting for someone to learn to treat you better doesn't happen unless there are consequences. I know that this is extreme, so I'm glad to say I don't walk out anymore, or stay up all night fighting with him, but I still have the defeated feeling, now coupled with utter and total sensation of hopelessness.

He had been doing really well sober, our communication had much improved and we were getting along well enough. I guess I should chalk this up to drunken stupidity, but in the back of my mind I know I'm going to hold onto this hurt for a very long time. I don't want it, but how do I get rid of it? Obviously forgiveness has never been a strong skill of mine.

This morning when he got up he acted as though nothing had happened... So I tentatively said, "You know, you're not the nicest person when you've been drinking."

He replied that he was sorry, but didn't really ask any questions. Bringing up anything further would cause a fight. Ugh. I don't expect him to be perfect, but dealing with myself in this matter is just as hard. 
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## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

Yin - off topic question, is his DOC is pills? 

On topic. My first reaction is to agree with some of the others in that guys say some really stupid things. How far along are you?
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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

What do you mean by is his DOC is pills?

Yes. Men say dumb things. Heck I do too, on occasion, but what he said was just... Bizarre...

I'm workin' on 6 months now, girl! Boy has the time flown!  can't wait to finish being pregnant, though... It's like prison at times... 

On a lighter note... We are currently enjoying lunch together and we are doing ok... Despite the fact I'd still really like to give him a knuckle sandwich 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

YinPrincess said:


> really like to give him a knuckle sandwich
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


well, it is lunch time you said


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

Let me tell you, vengeance is strong within me - it's something I have to be aware of and contain... Humor is a good antidote. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

YinPrincess said:


> What do you mean by is his DOC is pills?
> 
> Yes. Men say dumb things. Heck I do too, on occasion, but what he said was just... Bizarre...
> 
> ...


Drug of choice . 

I'm happy you two are doing okay right now. I can't recall my H saying anything off color just before sex, so I really have no thoughts on it. Hang in there... It will be the end of your pregnancy before you know it, and when you're stumbling to your babies room at 2 am, 4 am, 6 am, etc... You'll wonder what you were thinking wanting to hurry up the pregnancy . j/k

Hope you can figure everything out 
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## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

Some other questions:

Is he normally enthusiast about giving?
Have you gained much weight?
Has he shown any other signs of hang ups related to sex?
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## pidge70 (Jan 17, 2011)

Cherry said:


> Some other questions:
> 
> Is he normally enthusiast about giving?
> Have you gained much weight?
> ...


I would assume she's gained some weight, she's 6 months pregnant.
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## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

I know she is, but not all women are the same weight wise during pregnancy... Some women are all belly, some women retain a lot of water and appear heavier, some women gain too little weight, etc... And not that any of it should matter, in reality it may affect some guys 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

I gained 55 pounds with my last pregnancy and Hubs and I had sex almost every day up until I went to the hospital.

Sometimes you can't help gaining a shetload of weight during the pregnancy...mine was because of Pre-E.

Maybe he thinks he'll hurt the baby? My BIL thought ANYthing sexual would hurt their son.  My sister had to have him talk to the doctor. lol.


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## SockPuppet (May 16, 2011)

YinPrincess said:


> So my husband had been making a lot of hints lately about making love the last few days... Because of the holidays and time constraints, it's been about a week.
> 
> Finally, we were in bed together, and things were getting hot when he asked if I'd like to "taste" him... I said yes, and would he like to taste me... His response? "Well, I just had some vodka..."
> 
> ...


I make appropriate jokes at inapproipriate times. In this context, if it were me, I would delivery said joke with one of two meanings:

#1. I just had Vodka, and the alcohol on my breath may hurt your sensitive vaginal tissue. (Im not a dcotor, so this could be a real concern... especially if drunk)

#2. I just had vodka, and it has killed my taste buds so I literally wont be able to taste you.


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## OliveAdventure (Nov 23, 2011)

I heard that comment as: 

" Well, I just had some Vodka, so I guess I'm a little more ready to do something I wouldn't usually want to do " ... 

If you give, you get. If you don't get, don't give..


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