# Divorce final today - 3 years to the day cheating husband left the house



## FrustratedFL (May 18, 2011)

Ironically 3 years ago today, I kicked my cheating spouse out after hearing and seeing the last lie. The final straw. The day I decided it was worth living alone with my child rather than feeling second best while he lied and hooked up with woman on the side.

Today is our final judgement. I doubt if he will show.

The infidelity was by far the worst thing I have ever had to survive. The stress, the hurt, the pain, the denial and the anger took on a life of its own. I am happy to say I have survived, flourished and am moving forward. 

Today is bittersweet since the 18 yr marriage is ending however in reality it ended years ago when he had his first affair. Something died the day it was discovered. Counseling helped, but a leopard does not change his spots.

As much as this man has hurt me, caused my entire life to flip and turned into a disappointing father - I will always have a love him. I will always have a sad reaction to my marriage ending and I will always look at him with a little bit of pity for the dumb decisions that he has made in his life.

Today Divorce...
Tomorrow, heading to Myrtle Beach, SC for a well deserved, much need vacation with some old friends. 

Forward.....


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## movealong (Aug 9, 2013)

I wish you well as you turn the page on that chapter of your life. Tomorrow you can start writing a new chapter and guide the story where you want to to go. You own your happiness, don't allow others to take it from you. Enjoy the freedom and the vacation.


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## harrybrown (May 22, 2013)

How is your child holding up?

Hope for better days for you and your family.


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## FrustratedFL (May 18, 2011)

thanks for the kinds words.

My daughter is doing well. This has been a 3 yr process since we separated. She missed him at first and would cry when he first left and I tried very hard to keep him involved in her life. I went above and beyond to keep her life stable and kid level. I am proud to say she has maintained straight As throughout, inducted into national honor society, performed in many shows in her performance arts school and maintain a great group of friends. 

I put her in a few counseling sessions to see if she was coping with a neutral party involved. She was very steady and counselor advised she was doing very well. 

Ex decided to abandon his role as father and is not involved in her life much (His choice not mine). I think guilt plus his very low self esteem plays into his decision to cut ties with her. Another dumb selfish decision that will come back to haunt him. 

He claims I "won" sole custody, however, when you disappear from your childs life, date a scumbag convicted felon and completely walk away from all parental tasks, I see no "winning". 

I am ready to close this chapter of my life and hopefully find a new role to play instead of the wife who's husband cheated and walked away. That role has dried up.... Thank God!!


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## Legalaff (May 31, 2014)

I am looking forward to having a day like yours. God bless.


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## VFW (Oct 24, 2012)

It's sad, but you have a full life ahead with your daughter. He has nothing, but that was his choice. You can't fix stupid. There is a brave New world out there.


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## VeryHurt (Mar 11, 2011)

FrustratedFL said:


> Ironically 3 years ago today, I kicked my cheating spouse out after hearing and seeing the last lie. The final straw. The day I decided it was worth living alone with my child rather than feeling second best while he lied and hooked up with woman on the side.
> 
> Today is our final judgement. I doubt if he will show.
> 
> ...


FF ~
Your post brought tears to my eyes. I hope one day I can be as strong as you. I admire you very much.
VH


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## FrustratedFL (May 18, 2011)

Thanks Very Hurt - You will be able to overcome the hurt and be strong again. It was a long road before I began to feel comfortable in my own skin again. Infidelity plays such a number on your self esteem. Mine hit rock bottom. I second guessed every moment of our life together. I did all the classic moves. I begged him, I became the perfect stepford wife for a time, I became angry, I became "the therapist" and tried to help 'his' problem life, I tried to manipulate him to returning with the guilt of our marriage vows, I tried being the friend (a.k.a Plan B)

BUT then came a day when I looked at reality. Reality of finally admitting to myself that he made a choice to cheat. He made the choice to break our marriage vows, He made a choice to lie to his wife and daughter for years to go get laid and hang at bars. He made the choice to abandon his house, bills, child support, friends, family and must importantly his child. He made the choice to have his family struggle to make bills due to a divorce. 

These were all his choices. When I finally lifted my head from the sand and the fog settles I started becoming emotionally unattached, I realized that I was better off. 

I could never trust him again. We have tried to be civil, tried to be friendly and even have dined together a few times after school plays but the love and honesty has been severed. Now we communicate as polite strangers. When we do see each other or have to talk, we have small talk like an old neighbor or a person in a waiting room. Awkward and sad. 

You will get stronger every day and will eventually look at your ex and not recognize the person.


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## FrustratedFL (May 18, 2011)

Thanks Very Hurt - You will be able to overcome the hurt and be strong again. It was a long road before I began to feel comfortable in my own skin again. Infidelity plays such a number on your self esteem. Mine hit rock bottom. I second guessed every moment of our life together. I did all the classic moves. I begged him, I became the perfect stepford wife for a time, I became angry, I became "the therapist" and tried to help 'his' problem life, I tried to manipulate him to returning with the guilt of our marriage vows, I tried being the friend (a.k.a Plan B)

BUT then came a day when I looked at reality. Reality of finally admitting to myself that he made a choice to cheat. He made the choice to break our marriage vows, He made a choice to lie to his wife and daughter for years to go get laid and hang at bars. He made the choice to abandon his house, bills, child support, friends, family and must importantly his child. He made the choice to have his family struggle to make bills due to a divorce. 

These were all his choices. When I finally lifted my head from the sand and the fog settles I started becoming emotionally unattached, I realized that I was better off. 

I could never trust him again. We have tried to be civil, tried to be friendly and even have dined together a few times after school plays but the love and honesty has been severed. Now we communicate as polite strangers. When we do see each other or have to talk, we have small talk like an old neighbor or a person in a waiting room. Awkward and sad. 

You will get stronger every day and will eventually look at your ex and not recognize the person.


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

The amount of hurt you feel is the amount you allowed

he thought he had a free pass, and did for awhile

when you stopped the inflictor, you subsided the pain

he will regret not being a part of his Ds life

can I ask, what his childhood was like?


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## FrustratedFL (May 18, 2011)

_The amount of hurt you feel is the amount you allowed

he thought he had a free pass, and did for awhile

when you stopped the inflictor, you subsided the pain
_

Very true Chuck71!! This is logical thinking versus emotional. It took a long time for my logical side of the brain to catch up and take charge. I was so deep in the emotions and pain. Logically it always looks easy, but hell emotionally. 

His childhood - ex was oldest of 4 kids. Dad was powerhouse stock broker, mom was 50's style housewive. Stay at home mom, dinner on table at 5:30. Dad and mom married for 45 years till dad passed away. That is when his MLC began. His dads death and the economy crashing in 2008 affected his business and his life. That is when 1st affair started.


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

When you are riding high, everyone seems the prophet 

when the walls come down, as do the veils 

did your X feel as if he never lived up to his father's expectations?


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## hesitationmarks (Jan 30, 2014)

Frustrated, sorry you had to endure all that pain from your POS husband and even with all he put you through you still had the integrity, strength and courage to hang in there and try to save your marriage, you are a strong woman and could probably handle anything in life after living through the hell paced upon you by the man that was suppose to cherish and protect you. I pray for your infinite happiness in your future endeavors.


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## FrustratedFL (May 18, 2011)

_did your X feel as if he never lived up to his father's expectations?_

This was a BIG insecurity with my X that was discussed many times in marriage counseling. His 2 brothers went into family broker business while X decided to go into construction. His brothers are very successful. X and I were extremely successful until the economy hit in Florida. Housing market and construction dried up. His dad saw some of his success before death but X still felt like he had to prove something. 

hestitation - thanks for your kind words. I would not wish infidelity or the aftermath on my worst enemy. Hopefully we all overcome our divorce and strive to a better future.


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

No matter what he did, it wasn't good enough. Even if his dad

said it was great, to your X, it just was not good enough. Was he 

the youngest of the three boys? Sometimes..... in life, we have to 

find a point where we are happy with our accomplishments. It

doesn't mean there are no more goals, it means there is a point

where you can say, "I am happy with what I have done." My work,

is by no means finished but I have realized, I have accomplished

a great deal in life. Call it my, 2nd chapter. But your X never stopped

and said, I have succeeded in this chapter of my life. Striving for

excellence is great but, it means nothing if you burn yourself up

in the process. When he became unhappy with himself, he sought

ego boosting from unfamiliar women. Yes he would have gotten it from

you but he would have been ashamed to ask you to and even if you did,

it would not have meant as much. Example.... you say, "Honey you look

handsome today." Yes he enjoys that compliment but, did you reaaaallllly

mean it and you have said that a thousand times before. Now if a woman

he has never met says that, it HAS to be a true, from the heart emotion.


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## FrustratedFL (May 18, 2011)

very true. That is exactly how it was. He NEVER felt like he lived up to his dads approval. He is the oldest of the 4 siblings. Maybe he felt like he should be the leader and set false expectations. 

Regardless, X is now free to analyze himself. I dropped him from my health care. That was a privilege that he no longer qualifies for.
Another one of the many things that he did not consider when hooking up with other women and betraying his spouse. Healthcare, prescription plan, etc...


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