# Hello.



## phantom44 (Apr 20, 2020)

Decided to try something before I totally lose my mind.
Hope talking about my marriage will help, me. Yes, I sound selfish, but I have to try to start thinking of myself or I'm going to go kookoo.

I'm in a marriage that is backward. 

Our roles are wrong? I'm the Husband, my wife should be the one complaining about not enough, intimacy, cuddling while watching a movie, stuff like that.
But it's me complaining. I married the Ice Queen. We sleep on opposite sides of the bed. God forbid I try to get close. Then her dog won't have enough room.

yes, I'm the one that is romantic. I knew things would change as soon as we got married. But I did it anyway. Dummy me.

25 years of a lot of things I should have never have had to go through.
The problem is she doesn't see the problem? Or is just acting like she doesn't see. As long as I keep taking care of her.


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## 335289 (Nov 28, 2018)

phantom44 said:


> Decided to try something before I totally lose my mind.
> Hope talking about my marriage will help, me. Yes, I sound selfish, but I have to try to start thinking of myself or I'm going to go kookoo.
> 
> I'm in a marriage that is backward.
> ...


For starters, welcome to the club nobody wants to be a member of. I am also a 25 year veteran of a sexless marriage. The site that helped me fix my problem the most is ILIASM.ORG, short for "I live in a sexless marriage." It's free and anonymous. 

Some things to consider. You cannot change her. You can only change you. She won't change because she doesn't have a problem. You've given her everything and demanded nothing more. That's not love on her part. That's control. 

Sent from my SM-G950U using Tapatalk


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## phantom44 (Apr 20, 2020)

IronHamster said:


> For starters, welcome to the club nobody wants to be a member of. I am also a 25 year veteran of a sexless marriage. The site that helped me fix my problem the most is ILIASM.ORG, short for "I live in a sexless marriage." It's free and anonymous.
> 
> Some things to consider. You cannot change her. You can only change you. She won't change because she doesn't have a problem. You've given her everything and demanded nothing more. That's not love on her part. That's control.
> 
> Sent from my SM-G950U using Tapatalk


Thanks, I will try that link. Sorry to hear your going through the same thing.


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## 335289 (Nov 28, 2018)

phantom44 said:


> Thanks, I will try that link. Sorry to hear your going through the same thing.


You are welcome. Life is not perfect but much better. I can't even begin to explain what my sex life is like, now, because most people would not believe how good it is. After a quarter century of lies and manipulation, gaslighting and DARVO, it turns out the problem was never me. Figure out your situation, improve yourself, and develop the confidence you need to make the changes you want.


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## phantom44 (Apr 20, 2020)

What did you do? Find a different woman or you fixed the problem at home?


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

Your wife seems to be getting the better deal out of this marriage. Stop doing the extra for her, and keep trying to be affectionate. If she’s happy because her needs are being met she will never see a problem.


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## Nailhead (Sep 21, 2020)

phantom44 said:


> Decided to try something before I totally lose my mind.
> Hope talking about my marriage will help, me. Yes, I sound selfish, but I have to try to start thinking of myself or I'm going to go kookoo.
> 
> I'm in a marriage that is backward.
> ...


You advised you W this is not what you signed up for? How was your W before marriage?


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## phantom44 (Apr 20, 2020)

She seemed fine and loving, But we didn't live together and everything changed after marriage.


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