# Guys, how do you handle your wife in PMS?



## nirvana (Jul 2, 2012)

I realized quite late in my marriage that PMS affects women in different and strange (to us guys) ways. My wife gets angry, sullen, moody and says things that are totally illogical and in 180 degree reversal of what she said earlier. 

Over the years I've learned to track her cycles so I know when the 3-4 days are, and I just am extra understanding during this time and don't argue/discuss anything controversial and just agree with her but postpone acting on it until we discuss again when she feels better. The other day she was ranting about her "miserable" life and that she had to go to work and how it would be nice if she didn't have to. A light bulb went on, I checked my app and sure, she was 2 days away. Yesterday our son made some mistake and she exploded on him. I had to assure him that everything was okay.

I've downloaded an app that helps me track her cycle so I know even better than she does. That helps.

For the men, I would like to know what else you do and how you handle this, and from the women I want to know what you expect us to do to handle this in the best way.


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

Early on in our marriage, I took my wife aside and told her that her monthly cycle was insufficient excuse to treat me poorly for a week every month, and that I wouldn't put up with it silently. 

To her credit, she changed her behavior immediately, once it was pointed out to her. A hysterectomy in her 30s rendered the problem moot.


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## staarz21 (Feb 6, 2013)

You shouldn't have to "handle" her moods...she should. I am a woman and just because I get PMS doesn't mean I need to explode on people around me. Do things annoy me more than usual? You bet. But I keep my mouth shut and when it feels like too much, I take a time out and go read/watch tv or whatever else I enjoy, alone. My H understands that I need some time to myself and he will gladly take the kiddos and tend to them for an hour or three if I need. 

I do not take my PMS out on my H or my kids. It's easy to do for sure, but your W needs to learn to deal with it.


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## Malpheous (May 3, 2013)

She's my second wife. I also have an 18 year old daughter who moved out this past spring. I've learned the best way to handle PMS. From about 100 miles away on my motorcycle.... lol


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## naiveonedave (Jan 9, 2014)

My boys have learned to avoid her during this time. That she hasn't figured it out yet surprises me.


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## Maneo (Dec 4, 2012)

My first wife was mellower during her cycle. My current wife has more of the mood swings often commented on with the monthly cycle. Sometimes she has a fit but apologizes afterward. 

When she is having a tough time of it I try to ease her discomfort just as I would when she has a bad headache or the flu and just as she does for me when I am under the weather. 

Foot massages help but I've rarely met a woman who doesn't enjoy a good foot massage any time of the month.

Little things like a little extra help with household chores or watching our toddler so she can nap makes a difference.


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## WandaJ (Aug 5, 2014)

So this is really true about those mood swings in PMS? who knew? I am more tired those days, which may make me less social, but that's about it. I agree with Staarz21, not an excuse for disrespectful behavior.


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## sixty-eight (Oct 2, 2015)

Sometimes i will explode if deliberately provoked. Sometimes i will also explode if it is mentioned that i might be upset because i'm on the rag, when i am not _actually_ on the rag or anywhere close to it. If one is going to verbalize that thought, it had better be 100% certain. 
dismissing real complaints as period related is a hard limit.

But tracking her period and then giving her a little understanding, or alone time is an awesome idea and should be enough for the reasonable woman. 

The problem is, is that periods do not create problems, only exacerbate existing ones. Mr. 68 does not leave his dirty clothes all over the house like a treasure hunt and then get pissy when they're not all clean _only_ during the red zone. He does it all month long. it just limits my abilities to respond to his pissy in a calm and level headed way. So avoiding the things that normally annoy her is helpful, ie: clipping your toenails and leaving the trimmings. things like that. reasonable things.

flipping out for no good reason should always a no no. As partners, you chose each other, in theory, you were pre informed as to your partners faults and made your choice. But losing it on your kids? yeesh. That's some bad news.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

Mentally I just go to my safe place ...


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## kokonatsu (Feb 22, 2013)

Agree that she needs to handle her own moods. I've learned to recognize when I'm upset because of my hormones. And I might say to someone that I'm feeling rather hormonal, so please forgive my pissiness. 

I'm usually not too bad, and probably feel worse during pms if there's generally more stress in my life.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Redheadguy (Jul 30, 2014)

I provide Oreos and hide.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

WandaJ said:


> So this is really true about those mood swings in PMS? who knew? I am more tired those days, which may make me less social, but that's about it. I agree with Staarz21, not an excuse for disrespectful behavior.


It is very true but it varies from woman to woman. I have been with women that you could never tell they had PMS and others your needed body armor on to be around. 

In the end, like others, I find it just an excuse to be ****ty to your partner and shouldn't be tolerated.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

tell her your so cute when your on the rag! now go make me a sandwich!


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## Maneo (Dec 4, 2012)

ok for the behavior and attitudes when that monthly time comes around.
what about intimacy during that time?
I did it once and without getting graphic it was a mess! 
I'm talking traditional missionary.
As a guy, I found it a total turn-off.
I hasten to add she wanted it; I didn't but obliged.
Never again for me.


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## SurpriseMyself (Nov 14, 2009)

Go check out what hormone therapy does to man with prostate cancer. It's chemical and not easy to control.

Having said that, I have matured and am better able to recognize and control all my emotions. I do get stressed more easily when it's a few days before my period. And I get sentimental. I cry just thinking about my kids, for instance. It let's me know it's coming.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

WandaJ said:


> So this is really true about those mood swings in PMS? who knew? I am more tired those days, which may make me less social, but that's about it. I agree with Staarz21, not an excuse for disrespectful behavior.


I've also always been more tired during the days leading up to my period. Once I am having my period, I'm back to normal.

When I was a younger woman, I never had mood swings and thought the travails of PMS were being exaggerated by people. When I hit my mid-30's, everything changed. Not only do I get more tired than I used to, but I get weepy now, too. And I HATE being weepy. I get so sensitive that I'll tear up at the drop of a dime. It's ridiculous.

Because I'm just super emotionally sensitive and not grouchy, all I really need is some gentle handling, reassurance, and a laugh. More physical affection, some nice words, some reassurance, and a dash of humor from DH helps a great deal.


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## Forest (Mar 29, 2014)

Go outside. Somewhere there are bugs.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Having BPD is like 24/7/365 PMS


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## jmiller2020 (Sep 3, 2013)

I just wrote about how this affects my marriage: http://bit.ly/1PdEx0S

Though PMS is not a free ticket to treat your partner like crap. It's so real and most couples don't actually talk about how it rocks their marriage. 

It's awful and the worst part, it's not like a bad habit that you just correct and move on, its a monthly struggle.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

Forest said:


> Go outside. Somewhere there are bugs.


My BIL has my sister and 6 daughters. Because they are a blended family, the girls are all very close in age and only the youngest hasn't menstruated yet. The females of the household are all in sync, too. All 6 of them with the 7th expected to join the club in a couple years.

They live out in the country. He goes outside to hide among the deer and bugs regularly.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*I placated my XW's PMS initially, then I treated her like some overly-whining football coach by simply not listening and subsequently "tuning out" all of her excessive "pi$$ing and moaning." 

When it finally reached "the point of no return" was when I literally crawled up her a$$ because of her overly-abhorant behavior toward me as well as everybody else around her!

In my book, there is zero tolerance for mentally or verbally browbeating another human being or even an animal because one either "feels like" doing it, or the act thereof gives rise in making them feel physically better about doing it!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LonelyinLove (Jul 11, 2013)

it depends on the severity of the PMS symptoms if a woman has control or not. It's real easy to say "just deal with it" and keep your moodiness to yourself if you have never experienced extreme PMS, menopausal symptoms, etc.

Just like post-natal depression, some women have it worse than others, and telling her you won't put up with does not cure it or help her. For extreme cases, an OB/GYN consultation would be a good idea.

Here's the thing...if I have to deal with his work stress and issues, his family drama and the kids HE wanted, he can deal with my hormonal issues.

At least he can leave and go play golf, fish, something....I'm stuck with myself no matter what.


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## committed_guy (Nov 22, 2011)

At the basic level we are all hormones that control our mood and actions.

That said, we can also develop strategies to handled even our own problems. 

It could be that medical intervention is required, maybe a hormonal pill to help deal with the mood effects of PMS.

Every relationship has a ebb and flow, give and take. we are most often never on our game perfectly and need to extend grace to the other.

That said, I'll echo that PMS isn't an excuse to treat your partner like crap. I realize things are difficult and changing but if it's overwhelming then go see a doctor and we'll work from there.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

nirvana said:


> I realized quite late in my marriage that PMS affects women in different and strange (to us guys) ways. My wife gets angry, sullen, moody and says things that are totally illogical and in 180 degree reversal of what she said earlier.
> 
> Over the years I've learned to track her cycles so I know when the 3-4 days are, and I just am extra understanding during this time and don't argue/discuss anything controversial and just agree with her but postpone acting on it until we discuss again when she feels better. The other day she was ranting about her "miserable" life and that she had to go to work and how it would be nice if she didn't have to. A light bulb went on, I checked my app and sure, she was 2 days away. Yesterday our son made some mistake and she exploded on him. I had to assure him that everything was okay.
> 
> ...



Mrs.CuddleBug gets testy and emotional about 3 to 4 days before her period starts. During that time, I give her space and only do something with her if she wants.

If she gets really bad, I give her a lot of space and do my own thing.


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## Forest (Mar 29, 2014)

jmiller2020 said:


> Though PMS is not a free ticket to treat your partner like crap.


Maybe not a free ticket, but there sure have been a lot of complimentary passes handed out over the years.:wink2:


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

I get weepy a couple of days before my period arrives...the first couple of days I can be a bit grouchy because I don't feel well. On the odd occasion I snap at hubby or SD I always apologise. Mostly though I tell them "I don't feel well so I'm in a mood, if I'm grumpy just ignore me". They know


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

ladies; is it true that the vast majority of MD,s are not trained properly to address and handle PMS?

I have heard on so many occasions that dr's., even OBGYN's or other specialists do not understand or treat PMS properly.

If true, I think the medical profession needs to totally rethink and have a great awakening about this.
I'ts inexcusable.

I never had to go through this with a wife, since in my younger years I didn't have one and didn't have to be with my gf's. 24/7.
Or not only that, being a dumb guy, didn't realize they were going through it, just thought they were being B!tchy, cause they felt like it! 

But i saw what my Mom went through. That was enough.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Ex-wife used to just demand sex to relieve her cramps, if satisfied, I'm off the hook, despite having been forced into bloodplay. If she's not satisfied, or heaven forbid - if I turned her down, she warped into her alter ego "Darth Wifey", which lasted for weeks at times

Meh


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## Woodchuck (Nov 1, 2012)

I had one of those hooks like they handle large venomous snakes with...


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## Chelle D (Nov 30, 2011)

naiveonedave said:


> My boys have learned to avoid her during this time. That she hasn't figured it out yet surprises me.


Or....Have you thought that maybe she realizes, and just secretly appreciates being left alone at a time she might bite heads off at the slightest provocation?? Maybe she doen't like her moods either and likes "being avoided"!!


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## Chelle D (Nov 30, 2011)

Seriously... there are times that I don't even realize it's happening. 

Sometimes my hubby will make comment after some of my bitcthiness and say"Geesh, is it your time or what???!!".... I step back & realize it's almost due, and think Gosh? Is that why I'm sooooo irritable??


Anyway, mostly a big hug & a "That's okay honey, it'll all be okay.It'll work itself out". Is what I'm needing. (My worry/fret seems to increase a lot during the PMS time)

*Mostly the hugs. Hugs help.*


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## Forest (Mar 29, 2014)

If we're in page 3 and no one has said:

"I tell her I'm going fishing, and call me when you're normal again"

I think we've failed.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

I just throw a pitcher of ice water on her while she's in the shower. 

I do about 3 shots of tequila first though. I have found that it helps me handle the shrieks better. 😎


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## Slow Hand (Oct 4, 2015)

Hi everyone, my wife gets em real bad sometimes. She even likes to get mad and hit me. I also learned when to avoid her at all costs or suffer her wrath. 

Anyway, did some research on this and found that if she took a tablespoon of apple cider vinegar every day, then we didn't have those problems and she felt less irritable and much nicer. Problem is she doesn't like taking the apple cider vinegar, ugh. I mix it with apple juice or add hot water and honey for her as a tea, she still don't like it. When she takes it, we both notice the difference.


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## sixty-eight (Oct 2, 2015)

Slow Hand said:


> Hi everyone, my wife gets em real bad sometimes. She even likes to get mad and hit me. I also learned when to avoid her at all costs or suffer her wrath.
> 
> Anyway, did some research on this and found that if she took a tablespoon of apple cider vinegar every day, then we didn't have those problems and she felt less irritable and much nicer. Problem is she doesn't like taking the apple cider vinegar, ugh. I mix it with apple juice or add hot water and honey for her as a tea, she still don't like it. When she takes it, we both notice the difference.


I've heard of that for a diet before, it's supposed to boost metabolism. I've never heard of it for PMS, interesting.


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## thebirdman (Apr 5, 2014)

I go up to the lodge. Matter O' Fact sometimes she joins me. Everyone is much happier after a few rum and cokes.


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## naiveonedave (Jan 9, 2014)

Chelle D said:


> Or....Have you thought that maybe she realizes, and just secretly appreciates being left alone at a time she might bite heads off at the slightest provocation?? Maybe she doen't like her moods either and likes "being avoided"!!


nope, she seeks them out they retreat to their rooms or the basement. She is deliberately NOT trying to be alone.


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