# Really confused and needs help



## curious01 (Feb 12, 2012)

I have been married to my husband for almost a year, but we've been together 6 years. I'm really confused about what has happened in our marrige. We used to be so romantic, but lately we are in such a rut. 

I lost my job and am having a hard time finding a new one. I try to talk to my husband about the different jobs I apply for and the possibility of going back to school, but he doesn't want to put down his cell phone to actually listen to me. If we go out, he is playing games on his cell phone and if we go out with his friends, he spends more time talking to them and doesn't include me in the conversations. I have lost my place in his life to his friends and cell phone. When we tried to compromise on how often he goes out with his friends it worked in the beginning, but now he acts like it is such a bother to stay home. When we were dating we were all over each other, but now that we are married the most I can get out of him is a hug or a kiss and I'm lucky if I get that. 

I'm so frustrated with everything that I can't talk to him because I get so angry. 

How do you get the spark back into your relationship and get your husband to show you affection and that he doesn't resent you?


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## Gratitude (Feb 12, 2012)

Have you thought about backing off for awhile? Not complaining about his friends or his phone, doing your own thing, going out etc.
He needs to see you as fun, not you just convincing him you are.
He may be going to his friends because they're uncomplicated.

If you want the spark back, become more interesting. At the moment, whether true or not, all he might be seeing or hearing is nagging. Don't be needy. Give him his space and let him come to you. As much as it might kill you to do it, if he goes off to his friends say 'ok, see you later' and leave it at that. If he's on his phone for hours he'll soon realise when he sees you that he hasn't heard from you for awhile.

Obviously if he keeps ignoring you are going to have a major issue because no one gets married to feel unloved. But give it a go, back off for awhile and don't tell him every single detail of your day or the jobs you're applying for, let him ask. Let him become interested in you again.


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## lovinmyhubby223 (Jan 31, 2012)

I agree with Gratitude. A lot of people are not ready for the issues that one faces in a marriage. They think it should be like it was when they were dating. It sounds like he might be trying to get back to that comfort; his friends, his phone, not wanting to deal with your issues. This is just a sign of maturity.
Like Gratitude says, make yourself "uncomplicated" do your own thing. Don't turn to him for support right now, turn to friends or family for now. When he sees you handling things then he'll see you as you were when you were dating, nothing between you but a great relationship and all that that involves. None of the eeky married stuff like jobs and money etc. 
Hopefully as time goes by he will mature and you'll have the kind of marriage where you can lean on each other for support and you handle difficult issues together. Right now though it sounds like he's not quite ready for that.


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## memyselfandi (Jan 10, 2012)

I agree and disagree with the replies. I was married to the kind of guy that just took me for granted. Before we were married..we were a couple and did everything together..after we got married..he knew he had me and wanted to act like he was single as he talked on his cell phone all the time, no longer wanted me to go along when he hung out with his friends, etc.

I never nagged but let him go do his thing, I made new friends, got involved in other things, etc. After awhile, because he was doing HIS thing and I was doing MY thing..he started to refer to it as YOUR friends and MY friends and even when we did things together as a couple with what I referred to as OUR friends..he never really saw it that way and would go out of his way to not be part of the group as he would tell me, "Well, those are YOUR friends.."

What a way to complicate things!!

Feel it out and go from there. Don't nag him..just let him go be with his friends, yap on his cell phone etc. Just know that when he stops wanting to be a couple..it's time to ask yourself if the two of you are meant to be together..or if he's just plain too immature to be married.


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## gingerbell (Feb 13, 2012)

memyselfandi said:


> I agree and disagree with the replies. I was married to the kind of guy that just took me for granted. Before we were married..we were a couple and did everything together..after we got married..he knew he had me and wanted to act like he was single as he talked on his cell phone all the time, no longer wanted me to go along when he hung out with his friends, etc.
> 
> I never nagged but let him go do his thing, I made new friends, got involved in other things, etc. After awhile, because he was doing HIS thing and I was doing MY thing..he started to refer to it as YOUR friends and MY friends and even when we did things together as a couple with what I referred to as OUR friends..he never really saw it that way and would go out of his way to not be part of the group as he would tell me, "Well, those are YOUR friends.."I agree reverse everything on him you yak on your phone go out with your friends and ignore him and beleive me he will be like what in the hell is going on....REVERSE Phschogoly it ALWAYS WORKS
> 
> ...


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