# HELP!! Not Happy or Attracted Anymore.......



## DaisyBug (Jan 29, 2018)

Ok.....never ever thought I'd ever be in this situation.....but here it goes!!! 

Met my husband when I was 17....he was 19.....we fell madly in love...were inseparable......

We've been married 13 years....together over 17 years....and have 4 kids.........
Never had problems in our marriage, and we've been pretty happy and fulfilled with each other all around. 

He got hurt at work almost 2 years, and then re-injured it a year ago....that's when he started changing.....He grew moody, and short tempered, and just changed overall. He's never hurt my physically....but he surely does verbally. 

He has no friends, as much as I try to get him out....he chooses not to socialize outside of home/work. 

To make a long story short...the past 6 months has literally been the hardest ever...especially on our marriage, other people see it, on a work trip a few months ago....he called me, texted me FB'd non stop....freaking out, I was cheating on him, (which I was with women the entire time and was not) He pretty much ruined that trip, thankfully my co-workers didn't judge me for that. 

Now, he's constantly putting me down as well as telling me I don't give him enough attention, I don't touch him, we're not as intimate as we used to be either. I just literally don't know what to do, I don't like being around him, I'm not attracted to him either, and some times I question whether i still love him....a lot of the hurtful, mean things he's said and done just replays in my mind. I mean I feel like he's not the same person. 

He has a new job now, which allows him time to be on his phone, and he wants to constantly know what I'm doing, it's not making me feel comfortable, it's almost as i feel he's a stalker...in some sort of way. He constantly wants me texting him, and we've never communicated like that everyday until lately. 

I know some people change, and I feel like I can't be with him.....as horrible as that sounds.....Has anyone else been in my shoes?


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

Is he on pain killers for his back? 

I'd look carefully for any medical / drug issues first, since things used to be good.


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## DaisyBug (Jan 29, 2018)

No...he doesn't really care for them. So he only uses tylenol and muscle relaxers


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## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

Did he gain a bounch of weight while he was off injured?


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## DaisyBug (Jan 29, 2018)

Didn't gain any weight.....and managed to still work through it all. His physical appearance has remained the same.


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## katiecrna (Jan 29, 2016)

He senses that you are pulling back so he is being more controlling because your making him insecure. He’s being over bearing because he loves you and doesn’t want to lose you and feels that something is not right with you. I understand what he is doing.


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

DaisyBug said:


> I don't touch him,
> 
> we're not as intimate as we used to be either.
> 
> ...


When did you start feeling what you wrote?


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## WilliamM (Mar 14, 2017)

So as Katie CRNA says, the more you run screaming away the more he is going to be certain he is right and insist on becoming ever more controlling and watchful.

At this point you two are in a bad place, for sure.

Was he in the hospital for his injury?

I do know when my wife was in the hospital for the delivery of our first child she woke up and found me not at the bedside. She is a special snowflake and damaged goods so her getting odd ideas is not unexpected. My wife decided I had abandoned her. Being her she of course did not mention it to me at the time.

My wife did not tell me she had felt that way about that day until over 3 years later. I was not allowed to sleep in the room in those days, 1975, and I had to get some sleep. But no excuse worked. All I could do was apologize over and over. She felt abandoned, and I needed to affirm her feelings. I wish she had told me at the time.

You may have no idea why this started, and you may not be able to find out why.

Maybe he felt abandoned sometime, in the hospital or during some procedure, or even at home, when he expected you to be there and you weren't. Maybe he thinks that means you were off with some guy. 

It's just a thought.

Good Luck.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Did he have a head injury?


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## DaisyBug (Jan 29, 2018)

He was never in the hospital....probably should have been but just chiro care and some epidural injections here and there. 

I've felt like this....for the last 3 months....but he's been doing it for maybe 6 months....

Here's another thing....

I've come out and told him I don't feel comfortable with this controlling thing he has, the fact that he's never done' this....nor acted this way!!! 
Yet he still continues to act this way....I think it's one of the reasons I'm acting this way....


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

DaisyBug said:


> No...he doesn't really care for them. So he only uses tylenol and muscle relaxers


My mother was disabled from birth and had severe muscle spasms as part of her birth defect. She was on various "muscle relaxers" over the years. "Muscle relaxers" can absolutely be addictive. What is he on? It's possible he's experiencing side effects or that he actually has a pill problem. That would explain the sudden personality shift.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

His health is broken.
His mind followed.

A once proud family man got hurt, twice. Then he got deeply depressed.
A new man who now has shame issues got anxious and bitter. He took out the nice man.

Treat the depression, you might save the man. 
Maybe not the marriage.

What part of his body got injured?
Each injury. I need to know this.


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## DaisyBug (Jan 29, 2018)

He doesn't abuse....so that I do know....which is good. He only takes muscle relaxers when needed and when his pain is at an 8 or 9....

He herniated 2 discs in his back....then they somewhat healed, and then reinjured them and injured a 3rd disk. 

His disks seems to be healing/healed...now its the nerves, and because of the strain of the back injuries....he has 2 torn hips....he's 36


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Get some good MC. While you are struggling he has struggled more by the sound of it. It may help him to get some counselling as well. The fact that you aren't being intimate wont be helping at all. Its that which helps keep a couple close. I think he is feeling very insecure and depressed.


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