# Is my husband emotionally involved or is it just sex??



## dree (Jul 28, 2010)

I have gathered a lot of information on my husband's mistress, from emails and a phone conversation I overheard on our home phone, and his affair with her makes LESS sense by the minute:

- The affair started when SHE came on to him, pretending to be somebody else, on Facebook

- When he came on to "her", she disclosed that she was a former co-worker. He kept engaging her in sex talk and they agreed to meet for sex only (she mentioned it)

- He told her that he only wanted bjs when he found out who she was

- She agreed. They kept it up for 2 months, over 400 emails, didn't meet for sex, he stopped responding

- 4 months later, he contacted her. She replied coldly, nothing happened

- 3 months after that, again he contacted her. Again she shot him down. But she got caught by her husband and asked my husband to call her, because her husband would be listening in - and he did, to save her. 

- 3 months after that, she visited the office and he came on to her in his office, trying to get her to have sex. She said no.

- Shortly after, she contacted him to meet for sex (since they were "back together"), he kept up emails for a couple of weeks, then dropped her again

- 2 months after that, he emailed her asking her to meet. She agreed. They had sex for the first time.

- He wouldn't set another date after a week, so she broke up with him

- 2 months after that, she visited the office again. He again came on to her in his office, hanging up the phone on me to talk to her, and they had sex again.

- 2 weeks after that, he called her from our home because she wanted to talk and was complaining that they should break up if he doesn't have the time to see her. He said he agreed if that was best for her, but asked her to continue the conversation when he gets back from his trip - so he didn't want to break up. I overhead this from our extension, and he was VERY gentle to her, even his tone of voice was different.

Is he just using her for sex? Does asking her for bjs only, mean that he's not attracted to her physically (she's bigger than women he usually finds attractive)? Or is he emotionally attached? (And I know it shouldn't matter, but it does.)


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## jessi (Feb 11, 2009)

hi there, and I'm sorry you are in a position to be posting your story.....
I think in any affair there is some attachment to each other emotionally in order to do it in the first place....
Why is he even on dating site, facebook hitting on other women. that in itself is wrong.....
You must tell him you know and that you will not put up with him and his behavior any more....
tell him you don't want to end your marriage but this is unacceptable to you.....
I don't care what his reasons are, he is married to you......
you can't just have sex with someone else, he made a promise to you........
if you want to stop the affair and save your marriage, read everything you can about it on this site, follow the plan, listen to the vets........good luck


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## jitterbug (Feb 13, 2010)

Wow, this is really uncanny.

There's another poster here whose story is almost _identical _to yours. 

I'd like to recommend reading that thread, it might shed a spotlight on what you're experiencing.

Hey, maybe you & she could PM each other and compare notes.

Here's the thread, hope it helps.

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/15211-i-caught-my-husband-phone-another-woman.html

also, this thread may be interesting to you.......this might have been posted by the OW in your story.

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/15158-what-do-you-make-type-infidelity.html


Wow, I mean , what are the odds? The woman in the second thread _forged __a __fake __Facebook __profile_ , just to lure the poor schmuck in under false pretenses. Just like the OW in your story, according to your post. And how very underhanded, to forge a phony profile, and deliberately mislead someone, wouldn't you agree? 

What a coincidence...........if I was a betting person, I'd bet it's the same OW in your story. Maybe if you follow that thread, you can gain some insight into how a devious mind works. Know thy enemy, and all that, right?

I definitely think you should have a conversation with bwife in the first thread I linked, you have so much in common. She might be able to help you.


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