# The Joy it brings & importance of "allowing" our Partner to turn us on to love making



## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

*The Joy it brings & importance of "allowing" our Partner to turn us on to love making*

When me & mine have a little conflict... we always seem to get something out of it -that I carry with me. From our latest, I got this little "analogy".... just wanted to share...

One night I told him I wished he was still in "overdrive" (reading too many stories about horny men on this site kinda gets to me)... he replies ...."*I wish I still had overdrive, that part of the transmission went out*". Ok, that was cute, I even laughed, told him that was a good one. Then I start thinking ....damn his overdrive is all freaking gone, I hate this! I still fall into this mental pit once in a while wishing we could go back in time & relive his younger more sexually urgent filled days & nights. 

In the midst of pms (of coarse), playing that comment over in my head, with me feeling more Frisky than him, him being more on the tired side..... I start to go off on him ....telling him he needs a NEW Transmission!! .....we had a few words, tried to ignore each other for about a half hour, then he gets on top of me looking into my eyes .... telling me how I am his soul mate pouring on the sentimental, how he doesn't want to do anything to hurt me, I am his everything in this world -and all I could think to say is.... "But do you still have a sex drive?" he starts :rofl: burying his head in my shoulder shaking it , this is typical of me I guess - then I start laughing - fight over.... onto sex. 

Later that night he adds ...."*Just think of it as a Manual Transmission, you have to shift it yourself, it's not automatic*" ....so I can still get him into all of those gears while driving him. And I just thought .....how TRUE that is ! Somehow him saying this to me just lifted my spirits , although his is NOT automatically in Overdrive anymore - like a young stud.... I can still work those gears taking hold of his gearshift and put him in that glorious overdrive.  All is not lost, his Hummer still runs fine ...working those gears, never fails to get us to our destination.  

I would imagine there is alot of posters here who, if given a chance, we would also like to trade our spouses manual transmissions in for an Auto & put the pedal to the medal ! 

At the end of the day, all that really matters is ...our spouses ALLOW us to drive them, allow us to arouse them , cause once we get them going, it was like we were in automatic all along. 

When I was younger, I never really thought of these things, he expected ME to be in automatic, but I wasn't... he needed to turn me on.... now we have switched roles to some degree.



> * Balance the seesaw*. When they were first married, the man remembered, he always took the sexual lead, pulling his wife close and whispering his desire to make love. But now, 20 years later, she often makes the first move.
> 
> Again, hormonal changes are bringing the couple into closer balance. Men and women both produce testosterone and estrogen, but the proportion of each changes over the years. The male's shifting levels of estrogen and testosterone may make him more willing to follow than to lead, happy for his wife to set the pace. And as a woman's estrogen declines and her testosterone becomes proportionately greater, she may become more assertive.


Who is driving today - will your spouse allow you to take the lead, yeiding themselves to your desires ? This is such an important part of the marraige bed -its simple truth could save so very much heartache for the higher automatic driven spouse. Nothing wrong with our transmissions being different, just the consistent unwillingness when the other "needs" & is antsy to go for that ride.

And never forget the emotional bonding in all of these things.


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

*Re: The Joy it brings & importance of "allowing" our Partner to turn us on to love ma*

another good post SimplyAmorous


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

*Re: The Joy it brings & importance of "allowing" our Partner to turn us on to love ma*

If he needs an oil additive to his transmission, I recommend Staxyn (oral dissolving Levitra). Turned my middle aged sluggish transmission into a hot rod automatic.


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## Sawney Beane (May 1, 2011)

*Re: The Joy it brings & importance of "allowing" our Partner to turn us on to love ma*



SimplyAmorous said:


> When me & mine have a little conflict... we always seem to get something out of it -that I carry with me. From our latest, I got this little "analogy".... just wanted to share...
> 
> <snip>
> Who is driving today - will your spouse allow you to take the lead, yeiding themselves to your desires ? This is such an important part of the marraige bed -its simple truth could save so very much heartache for the higher automatic driven spouse. Nothing wrong with our transmissions being different, just the consistent unwillingness when the other "needs" & is antsy to go for that ride.
> ...


SA, lovely words. I can't see how people can argue with this.

But the evidence is that they do! 

What are the reasons _why_ a spouse refuses to let the other take the lead and turn them on? Is it simple unwillingness - passive aggressive behaviour? A feeling that by letting the other turn you on you are abandoning too much autonomy? An unwillingness to be "beholden" to the active partner? An unwillingness to be seen to be enjoying sex?


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

*Re: The Joy it brings & importance of "allowing" our Partner to turn us on to love ma*



Thor said:


> If he needs an oil additive to his transmission, I recommend Staxyn (oral dissolving Levitra). Turned my middle aged sluggish transmission into a hot rod automatic.


Ha ha , I thank God I live in the age of Vitamin V, has saved us a # of nights - even cutting those into slivers works well -for some of those nights that well, too many days in a row for a man of his age (late 40's), he never turns me down....

From our experience, seems some real truth to this ....Use it or lose it: Yes, it's true - Los Angeles Times.......as we have found, even as he is getting older, he rarely needs any boosters these days, this makes me  .....but still I find myself taking that lead, as his seductive Jumpstarter, I do so enjoy this as well. 











Unfortunetely none of these products create that lusty euphoric "gotta have you now" feeling- wish they had that power !! It is more for hydraulics. 

I gave him a "Stiff Nights" a couple yrs ago, that stuff worked SO good, I seriously feared if I didn't relieve him soon I'd have to take him to the hospital -I can't say it did anything for his lusty state, hard as it was , he should have been jumping out of his pants. 

For women too >> Menopausal women: Use it or lose it - Sex - Salon.com

10 Ways to become more intimate with your lover


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## SockPuppet (May 16, 2011)

*Re: The Joy it brings & importance of "allowing" our Partner to turn us on to love ma*

That was a great analogy, Ill have to remember it.

I seem to recall stores selling a special blue transmission fluid. Might help a little bit... Then again, we might not here from you for weeks on end


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

*Re: The Joy it brings & importance of "allowing" our Partner to turn us on to love ma*



Sawney Beane said:


> SA, lovely words. I can't see how people can argue with this.
> 
> But the evidence is that they do!
> 
> What are the reasons _why_ a spouse refuses to let the other take the lead and turn them on? Is it simple unwillingness - passive aggressive behaviour? A feeling that by letting the other turn you on you are abandoning too much autonomy? An unwillingness to be "beholden" to the active partner? An unwillingness to be seen to be enjoying sex?


Sawney, I have noticed your taking to challenge many of the ideas to get more sex our of our spouses, because it so often "just leads to conformity"....not true desire ....and what is that worth really.... Any kind of *Pity sex *is enough to spit at. 

So we want the others *desire*, we want to feel they want to be there too, at least a little enthusiam.... can it be acheived when our drives are so very different ? It is the age old question, near the #1 marraige bed issue .... 

What choices do we have ...

*1. *Finding a Hormonal mix that can up the Dopamine & Testosterone - to increase natural sex interest.
*2. *Mannig up No More Mr. Nice Guy! - The Nice Guy Syndrome
*3.* Athol's blog for insight in getting her attention...Married Man Sex Life: Introduction

or 

*4. * Good old fashioned communication and Caring about our spouses & how they feel, trusting what they are expressing is REAL, not belittling them, allowing them to REVV our engines .......as desire often comes after some touching (learn those erogenous zones!), learn the art of a little teasing, seductive flirting, be FUN........ this ought to get a little rise out of them ....unless the other is half dead, too tired/stressed, or filled with resentment over something unresolved. 



> *Erogenous zones links *: Erogenous Spots - AskMen
> Woman Knows: Ten Facts About The Erogenous Zones
> 10 Erogenous Zones of Women that You Should Know About | Futurescopes.com
> Step by step guide to erogenous sexual zones with Paula Hall|Sex|Paula Hall | The Sun |FeaturesHow to Flirt, Tease and Seduce | Love + Sex - Yahoo! Shine


 When my husband started his attempts at revving, 99% of the time he got me going, I do recall falling asleep on him a time or 2 only to wake up with him still touching me....but he got me! Such patience! Had I any understanding of what he was FEELING in that higher driven state, I would have NEVER NEVER allowed him to go through that alone. He never tried to lay it out for me, we were too quiet about sex. 

One male poster described it like going to bed with a loaded gun every night, he hides the fact he is suffering to not burden his wife any more than he feels he already has, his greatest fear...to push her away more so . This about sums up the problem of many who feel they are drowning slowly & it is painful, just knowing thier spouses are oblivious. 

I remember how this felt when I was under it's powerful spell.... it was something I could hardly contain, this Euphoric state of sexual need consumed me , It's all I could think about ... when he was near, I could hardly keep my hands off of him...always slipping away off alone, I became like a seductive octopus .... .. 

IF he would have pushed me away, not allowing me to touch him , or showing any sign of repulsiveness to what I was going through in my desire for him- for "us" , It would have emotionally crushed me. He told me he would never do that, he knows how he FELT back then.... understanding of another is HUGE. 

These things just allow us to love our spouses even more so , such an appreciation wells us inside of us ...so yeah ...allowing our spouse to use their desirous sensual skills on us when they are feeling it ..... how very important this is in a marraige. The difference between feeling loved, or feeling despised, the difference between feeling like a scourge or feeling on top of this world.


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## Bottled Up (Nov 12, 2011)

SimplyAmorous said:


> I remember how this felt when I was under it's powerful spell.... it was something I could hardly contain, this Euphoric state of sexual need consumed me , It's all I could think about ... when he was near, I could hardly keep my hands off of him...always slipping away off alone, I became like a seductive octopus .... ..
> 
> IF he would have pushed me away, not allowing me to touch him , or showing any sign of repulsiveness to what I was going through in my desire for him- for "us" , It would have emotionally crushed me. He told me he would never do that, he knows how he FELT back then.... understanding of another is HUGE.
> 
> These things just allow us to love our spouses even more so , such an appreciation wells us inside of us ...so yeah ...allowing our spouse to use their desirous sensual skills on us when they are feeling it ..... how very important this is in a marraige. The difference between feeling loved, or feeling despised, the difference between feeling like a scourge or feeling on top of this world.


SimplyAmorous, you couldn't have nailed it any better than this. When I read your posts it feels like you're hijacking my mind 😊
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Friday and saturday I was worthless - dead tired from a grueling week. Thank God she isn't mad at me. I would please her - even offered - but I can't perform when this tired. 

Ah to be 40 and invincible again 


=SimplyAmorous;540706]When me & mine have a little conflict... we always seem to get something out of it -that I carry with me. From our latest, I got this little "analogy".... just wanted to share...

One night I told him I wished he was still in "overdrive" (reading too many stories about horny men on this site kinda gets to me)... he replies ...."*I wish I still had overdrive, that part of the transmission went out*". Ok, that was cute, I even laughed, told him that was a good one. Then I start thinking ....damn his overdrive is all freaking gone, I hate this! I still fall into this mental pit once in a while wishing we could go back in time & relive his younger more sexually urgent filled days & nights. 

In the midst of pms (of coarse), playing that comment over in my head, with me feeling more Frisky than him, him being more on the tired side..... I start to go off on him ....telling him he needs a NEW Transmission!! .....we had a few words, tried to ignore each other for about a half hour, then he gets on top of me looking into my eyes .... telling me how I am his soul mate pouring on the sentimental, how he doesn't want to do anything to hurt me, I am his everything in this world -and all I could think to say is.... "But do you still have a sex drive?" he starts :rofl: burying his head in my shoulder shaking it , this is typical of me I guess - then I start laughing - fight over.... onto sex. 

Later that night he adds ...."*Just think of it as a Manual Transmission, you have to shift it yourself, it's not automatic*" ....so I can still get him into all of those gears while driving him. And I just thought .....how TRUE that is ! Somehow him saying this to me just lifted my spirits , although his is NOT automatically in Overdrive anymore - like a young stud.... I can still work those gears taking hold of his gearshift and put him in that glorious overdrive.  All is not lost, his Hummer still runs fine ...working those gears, never fails to get us to our destination.  

I would imagine there is alot of posters here who, if given a chance, we would also like to trade our spouses manual transmissions in for an Auto & put the pedal to the medal ! 

At the end of the day, all that really matters is ...our spouses ALLOW us to drive them, allow us to arouse them , cause once we get them going, it was like we were in automatic all along. 

When I was younger, I never really thought of these things, he expected ME to be in automatic, but I wasn't... he needed to turn me on.... now we have switched roles to some degree.



Who is driving today - will your spouse allow you to take the lead, yeiding themselves to your desires ? This is such an important part of the marraige bed -its simple truth could save so very much heartache for the higher automatic driven spouse. Nothing wrong with our transmissions being different, just the consistent unwillingness when the other "needs" & is antsy to go for that ride.

And never forget the emotional bonding in all of these things.[/QUOTE]
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Dean,
You are 6 years ahead of us - 22 years here. What an incredible story. And your list for a great marriage is great - though in am only mediocre on recalling dates....



QUOTE=*Dean*;542593]Love Making & Really Turning on my Wife

This past 18 months or so have been difficult for us.

My wife is older, she still has a strong desire, but her female parts just don't work like they use too. Doctors, new drugs....it's hexx getting old. We have to be very careful, sore after 10 minutes and 1/2 a bottle of Turbolube is gone. Yea it's the shixs for both of us.

We always go snow skiing between xmas and new years. Family trip and we celebrate our anniversary. It was our 28th this year.

Two wonderful daughters who both take after their mother.
Educated, very stronged willed, natural beauty and can be hard on men.
Both have very good jobs, out of state, new cars, don't have to 
worry about money. 

After getting tried of seeing the daughters bring a different guy home, I told both of them that if they are not serious then leave the guys at home and invite girl friends instead. Both agreed.

7 ladies and me. Yep we got a lot of attention, on slopes, out eating breakfast, lunch or dinner and even drinking Hot Butter Rum 
near the fireplace at the ski lodge. Lots of attention.

I always enjoy skiing with family. 2nd day, late in afternoon and wife
and girls want to see me on the steep black diamond run. They tease me about being an old guy. Don't have it any more.

Took 15 mins for me to trade in the long boards for some shorter ones.
Thinking, if I'm going to do it......got to hot dog too. Just like old times.

Wife, daughters and their friends are at bottom of black diamond run.
It's not to long but it's so steep if you stand sideways, your shoulder will hit the side of the mountain. Scary Crazy....but fun and it 
wasn't icy.

Got my health insurance card, drivers ID and my Apple Nano.

At top of hill looking down. Heart pounding.....What song.

Got it. Led Zeppelin....What is and What should never be.

Hit play...listening....looking...picking my spots...and I'm off.

Feels great, just like old times...fast, turn, fast, turn... down I go...
control, air, turn, control, turn. Fun, Fun, Fun...I still got it!

25 yards from wife and girls.....song is still playing....hasn't gotten to 
the good part yet. Moguls.....I need big Moguls.

Skiied past them fast....Mogul hill is behind them. Cut, turn and big air,cut, go fast, see some teenagers ahead getting air off this one spot.
What the hexx, it's for the wife.....slow down a little and bam.....leaped in the air....get big air......Hot Dog time.........safely
land and the teenagers are giving me high fives!

It was great!!!!! Wife and girls slowly come down the hill.
Were all done for the day. Big smile on everyones faces, daughters
and wife are proud of the old man.

Straight to dinner. Local hang out. Great food, drinks and everyone 
is a skiier. Lots of attention again. 7 good looking gals!

I'm a little jealous....off to bathroom. Come back and tell wife and
girls that I got my Butx pinched coming back to the table. 

Daugthers, their friends all laugh and give my wife a hard time.
She then gets that look in her eye. The look gets stronger.

Get back to cabin, wife tells the girls they should go back out and have fun without us. 

45 minutes later she attacks me, she was so worked up and we didn't
need any Turbolube![/QUOTE]
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Sawney Beane (May 1, 2011)

*Re: The Joy it brings & importance of "allowing" our Partner to turn us on to love ma*



SimplyAmorous said:


> Sawney, I have noticed your taking to challenge many of the ideas to get more sex our of our spouses, because it so often "just leads to conformity"....not true desire ....and what is that worth really.... Any kind of *Pity sex *is enough to spit at.
> 
> So we want the others *desire*, we want to feel they want to be there too, at least a little enthusiam.... can it be acheived when our drives are so very different ? It is the age old question, near the #1 marraige bed issue ....


My view, FWIW, is that it largely comes down to entitlement, not being bothered and lazy-itis.

Women will say "I can't be as sexual as he wants" and men will say "I can't give her emotional intimacy like she wants". 

Now I am prepared to believe that there are a small number of people who are mentally and / or physically unable to be sexually and emotionally capable. But I believe that number is small.

For the most part what people mean is "I _can't be bothered_ to as sexually or emotionally active as my partner wants"

On the other hand, they see no obvious reason why their partner shouldn't put the effort in for them!

Do these same people go to work and expect not only to get paid, but to advance in their careers, simply for turning up? Maybe they do, and are surprised when the people who put the effort in overtake them. But I can't believe it's that common.

If you said to these people "If you go to university, and want to get an excellent degree, but don't want to attend lectures, study or turn in any work, will you get that degree?" most are going to say "of course not".

But they think they can have excellent marriage without putting in any effort at all! That they're entitled to it, and all the benefits, simply by turning up.

Well, it isn't so. You get out what you put in.


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## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

*Re: The Joy it brings & importance of "allowing" our Partner to turn us on to love ma*

SA, You really should write a book. No kidding. I mean that!

I am like your hubby and I beat myself up daily for not having that constant boner going on. Mentally I want to be the same but physically it just isnt like it used to be. Like you said the od gear is gone. 

Don't get me wrong I desire my wife but at this stage in my life I need her to take the lead. If she hooks up the jumper cables I'll crank right up but not often enough on my own like when I was a pup.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

*Re: The Joy it brings & importance of "allowing" our Partner to turn us on to love ma*



Stonewall said:


> SA, You really should write a book. No kidding. I mean that!
> 
> I am like your hubby and I beat myself up daily for not having that constant boner going on. Mentally I want to be the same but physically it just isnt like it used to be. Like you said the od gear is gone.
> 
> Don't get me wrong I desire my wife but at this stage in my life I need her to take the lead. If she hooks up the jumper cables I'll crank right up but not often enough on my own like when I was a pup.


 Timely words for me Stonewall. I think you are older than my husband, he is just 48. We are going on a special overnight Southern Hospitality Romantic Bed & Breakfast tonight.... we purposely haven't done "it" in a few days -just to up the passion a little .... he still does not wake up with a hard one... there is no urgency....It does get to me, even makes me want to tear up, I have to push it down. I am going to let him sleep in FOR HOURS before we leave for this trip. 

Though this is hit or miss, cause there have been other nights where we would have sex (no boosters) and he was hard again 8 hrs later.... I always feel so reassured, like nothing in this world makes me happier, how rediculous this must sound! Most women wish their husbands away, I am ready to go celebrate , shout from the rooftops, I am like the little girl in the candy store about to get a BIG chocolate bar!!  I have to think on those times, I can't let my mind dwell, or I start to get grumpy....I tend to be a worrier. 

I do not like getting older, I am a woman with too much pent up energy, I can easily sleep on 4 hours and feel absolutely fine, I even work a few little jobs, take care of a big house & family, I consider it a breeze, this seems to be the only thing that has "the power" to bring me down, my only stressor, and when I am stressed, I am just like many men....I want romped! 

I worry about his health, if he may need TEST therapy someday, I guess it isn't the end of the world. I don't feel he does now, his pecker does work fine if I get him going, and some mornings he surprises me, but there may come a day. 

But like you Stonewall, mentally & in SPIRIT, I KNOW he wants to be there... oh what THAT is worth ....lifegiving even.... what this thread is truly about. 

If I didn't feel that from him... I swear to every reader here, It would probably destroy my marraige, and I have the type to "die" for - we are so very compatible in near every way , I know how rare that is to find in this life. 

So yes, how very very very important these things are, for husbands & wives to grab ahold of.... and simply DO for one another. It is just that beautiful of a thing, that important, it has that much meaning, holds that much power.


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## Bottled Up (Nov 12, 2011)

*Re: The Joy it brings & importance of "allowing" our Partner to turn us on to love ma*



Stonewall said:


> SA, You really should write a book. No kidding. I mean that!


I second that. 

I get inspiration with my own intimacy concerns just by seeing how a woman like SA experiences the same things I feel. It's important to me knowing that it's not just _me being a guy_ that feels the way I do sometimes... Knowing women can feel the same way in a role-revesal scenario helps me cope and have hope.


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

*Re: The Joy it brings & importance of "allowing" our Partner to turn us on to love ma*

Awesome post SA!

I have found this to be very true in my own marriage. It is essentially about being willing to be giving to each other in our marriages. And even though the example you provided was in the sexual realm, it works for all of the others as well.

St. Francis of Assisi had it right when he said "For it is in giving that we receive."


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## romantic_guy (Nov 8, 2011)

*Re: The Joy it brings & importance of "allowing" our Partner to turn us on to love ma*

SimplyAmorous, LOVED the post!! In out case (I am 56, she is 55...married 39 years). Most of the time I start driving and my transmission is working just fine!! Sometimes, she takes the wheel after we start the journey. About a month ago, I determined not to wait until she decided to take the wheel. I just expect that we are going to go, so I get us going. Along with this is no longer having an expectation that she needs to always have an orgasm. She is actually relieved and thanked me for that. So I get the engine started and see what happens. Most of the time, she gets going and shifts into high gear, but if not, I have mine, she is OK letting me go. This has resulted in an increased frequency, a win-win if you ask me!


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

*Re: The Joy it brings & importance of "allowing" our Partner to turn us on to love ma*



romantic_guy said:


> Sometimes, she takes the wheel after we start the journey. About a month ago, I determined not to wait until she decided to take the wheel. I just expect that we are going to go, so I get us going. Along with this is no longer having an expectation that she needs to always have an orgasm. She is actually relieved and thanked me for that. So I get the engine started and see what happens. Most of the time, she gets going and shifts into high gear, but if not, I have mine, she is OK letting me go. This has resulted in an increased frequency, a win-win if you ask me!



We are similar, once I get him going, he takes the wheel very nicely . If not, I am sure I would be terribly irritated. It is just me doing the initial reaching for the hot spots / his gearshift. But not always.... he would disagree & say I am not giving him enough credit. I would say he is the kissing initiator.... I guess I am more the groper, maybe that makes us even! I don't know. 

One night I surely wasn't going to put the moves on him, he worked 18 hrs straight & surprise surprise ...he came on to me...I told him he could go to sleep-he needed it , but he didn't want to -even though he had to get up 6 hrs later for work again. I felt especially "wanted" that night. 




> Along with this is no longer having an expectation that she needs to always have an orgasm. She is actually relieved and thanked me for that. So I get the engine started and see what happens. Most of the time, she gets going and shifts into high gear, but if not, I have mine, she is OK letting me go. This has resulted in an increased frequency, a win-win if you ask me!


 It is a Win-Win..... Couples need to come to this place. Giving pleasure is true giving to one another. 

For me & mine, we learned a few things about each other in the past 3 yrs. Before that, neither of us ever had one missed orgasm, if he slipped before me, he knew he was in for another round as quick as he could get it back up- I needed mine -He didn't mind as he could do that once upon a time. 

I remember the very 1st time my husband didn't get his (about 3yrs ago now), he told me he didn't need it, he could wait, I remember these feelings rising within..... it bothered me , I just didn't like that, I wanted him to get his too, there is some euphoric state in us both releasing like that. I had to let that go -get it off of my mind --and allow him to GIVE to me ....sometimes. (I wanted it just too much for him to handle). 

I think he is even a little worse than me in this though. 

I'll never forget this one morning.... spooning against me, he is hard, I roll on top of him telling him I don't think I can do it again, but he can take me sideways ....within seconds he looks like he is about to tear up, there was a sadness there...and he says.... "you know I am only happy when you are happy"...& asks me if I was slowing down....I told him "No, my brain is always in overdrive" with a big , I reminded him we just did it the night before. 

My husband is not content with just him getting his... he has always been this way.... I mean, he gets horny & all, but, for him, it is hollow If I don't get mine, he has told me this a # of times. 

Also, I would offer to give him a bj during my down days......his response on a few occasions ..."I feel selfish".... I'm like ..... "What!???" I would near start :rofl:...like Seriously!! you don't want this??" Then I tell him I selfishly want to give him one, so he is going to lay back & enjoy. I can feel how much he loves it. 


So we have definitely come to experience.....truly His Pleasure IS my Pleasure and My PLeasure is his Pleasure, and as I have learned ...it even FUELS his DESIRE.

I really believe it is supposed to work just this way. It is the awsomest of the Awesome in sexual fullfillment.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

*Re: The Joy it brings & importance of "allowing" our Partner to turn us on to love ma*

Beautiful, elegant, truth.

I tried to express this but you say it so beautifully SA. 
Hope LD spouses see your post and the responses. 
They may read your words and open their hearts to their spouses. 
Some people don't understand or know how destructive fixed notions are in a relationship. 
Knowledge is a powerful thing, it is for me.


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## 2sick (Nov 5, 2010)

*Re: The Joy it brings & importance of "allowing" our Partner to turn us on to love ma*

Vroom vroom!!! Lol It's like looking in a mirror. I'm the manual h the super automatic overdrive. The bottom line being the cars are in motion!!!


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

*Re: The Joy it brings & importance of "allowing" our Partner to turn us on to love ma*



Bottled Up said:


> SimplyAmorous, you couldn't have nailed it any better than this. When I read your posts it feels like you're hijacking my mind &#55357;&#56842;


 I honestly feel I got a real taste of that male psyche alright .... Why me!! I just don't know! 

It has been a real blessing to see the other side- nothing has brought me & my husband closer, even if I did fight with him during that time, even if it felt like a curse at times.......I had physical symptoms even, plus that very dirty hi-jacking of my mind. Thankfully, I didn't grow a beard ! It was the crazier thing ever, I even entertained the idea I had a sex addiction it was so unrelenting. I remember laying awake at night ANTSY just watching the clock, dying for the am so I could jump on him again- I joked about needing my next "fix". Poor man. 

I had this abounding energy even, not a single pain, like I was walking on air, and I needed zero forplay, heaven would have been 3 times a day. And I became more aggressive. All makes sense when you look up what Testosterone does to the psyche..... and I never took a pill. Wish they could bottle what I experienced & give it to women....they would never be the same, they'd be like ...."damn is THIS what men go through!! Eyes wide open with amazement how they handle it -kinda like this ...









I believe it was just the right c0cktail mix of events that took place in my life at that particular time -that stirred my hormones into overdrive. Then I kept feeding it - cause it was so darn exciting, almost "new" to me. That ride lasted 8 full months, then I could feel it slipping, but our sex life remained the same.... Physcially speaking I am the same NOW as I was for the 1st 19 yrs of my marraige -but mentally I'll never be the same, I was clueless to the goldmine that was within, like something was caged , and finally let loose. 

Not sure how you men do this for years & years & years, how you contain yourself- if you have a lower drive spouse that doesn't "get" what this does to you.... that would be tormenting, especially when you care so deeply for the emotional bonding it brings. 

If any song captures how a man feels in struggling here... I think it would be this one.... 

Bryan Adams - Please Forgive Me - YouTube



> The one thing I'm sure of
> Is the way we make love
> The one thing I depend on
> Is for us to stay strong
> ...


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## uphillbattle (Aug 17, 2011)

*Re: The Joy it brings & importance of "allowing" our Partner to turn us on to love ma*

I guess this means my wife's clutch is fried. Going from neutral to first she stalls. God I hate my life.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

*Re: The Joy it brings & importance of "allowing" our Partner to turn us on to love ma*



uphillbattle said:


> I guess this means my wife's clutch is fried. Going from neutral to first she stalls. God I hate my life.


I am so sorry for what you are going through. I am one of those people who look at sex as an emotional NEED , it is one of the fundamental reasons MEN marry anyway. When we are deprived, when it is important to one of us anyway, it has the power to devastate. 

This article captures the "emotional need" part for men: 

http://www.marriagemissions.com/to-wives-why-is-sex-so-important/

One man wrote : 


> We’ve been married for a long time. I deeply regret and resent the lack of intimacy of nearly any kind for the duration of our marriage. I feel rejected, ineligible, insignificant, lonely, isolated, and abandoned as a result. Not having the interaction I anticipated prior to marriage is like a treasure lost and irretrievable. It causes deep resentment and hurt within me. This in turn fosters anger and feelings of alienation.


Emotional Needs – Sex, Conversation, & Recreation « Imagine Hope Counseling Group Blog

The dilemma since the beginning of time for many men..... *Changing a Willingness to Make Love into a Desire to Make Love*..... Willingness to Desire #1


Sex provides an important time-out from the pressures of our daily lives and allows us to experience a quality level of closeness, and a shared vulnerability nothing else can compare to. 

Sex might not be everything but it registers higher (90 %) on the "importance scale" if it's a source of frustration in your relationship. If your sex life is unfulfilled, it becomes a monumental issue, tearing at the foundation of the marraige even.


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## Sawney Beane (May 1, 2011)

*Re: The Joy it brings & importance of "allowing" our Partner to turn us on to love ma*



SimplyAmorous said:


> The dilemma since the beginning of time for many men..... *Changing a Willingness to Make Love into a Desire to Make Love*.....


With all due respect, based on most of the conversations on THIS site, the dilemma isn't changing a willingness into a desire, it's changing a _reluctance_ to make love into a _willingness_.

Changing a willingness into a desire is increasing the level of drive - the same thing, just more so. Going from reluctance to desire, that's a very different animal...


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

*Re: The Joy it brings & importance of "allowing" our Partner to turn us on to love ma*










Oops, now I can't get rid of her... 

Bleh... funny it stings me saying that nowadays, when I used to laugh at the thought.


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