# unhappy but still love him



## missymac11 (Aug 19, 2011)

Hello, I am new to this board but I think it will help me to talk. My husband and I have been married for only two years, together for 4.5 total. I love him very much. The problem is, he will occasionally go out and when he does this I become a bottom priority. He will tell me he is coming home at a certain time then hours pass and he comes home in a condition he definitely should not be driving in. It used to be twice a year which I could handle, but lately it has been 2-3 times a month due to him being stressed. he quit chewing tobacco and is struggling with that. I worry for his safety! He just keeps drinking and drives home, I send him txts/messages asking where he is so i can pick him up and he does not answer/respond, then comes home drunk. We also want to start a family and have been trying for a while (unsuccessfully) but I'm not sure I want to bring a baby into this. He always says things will be different when we have a baby, but I just don't know if I can believe that. I want that worry to be GONE- I want to trust him to go out without me but there have just been so many bad occasions. Any advice???

He is always super apologetic the next day but then it happens again.

Another note.. I make my plans around his work schedule.. he works swing shifts so I'll hang out with friends when he is working. he had complained in the past about me having all the fun but I am responsible about it.. I know my limits if I have to drive, and he throws caution to the wind. He has done this on nights when I have to work the next day too.. so I am a zombie on 3-4 hrs sleep the next day!

Sorry this is kind of a rant, what an introduction!


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

It sounds like he has a drinking problem. And he is definitely being irresponsible and putting not only himself but the many people on the roads at risk with his drinking driving -- he could kill someone (and himself) one day by doing this.

You need to set a hard boundary. It's clear he hasn't "woken up" to the fact you mean business since the status quo persists. Note that you can only change your reaction to him. He has to get help for himself. Tell him you are greatly concerned with his dangerous behavior and it's having a very detrimental effect on you and the marriage. Set a boundary with consequences and stick to it.

DO NOT DO NOT DO NOT get pregnant. Now is not the time. You need to get this resolved before bringing a baby up in an environment like this.


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## missymac11 (Aug 19, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> It sounds like he has a drinking problem. And he is definitely being irresponsible and putting not only himself but the many people on the roads at risk with his drinking driving -- he could kill someone (and himself) one day by doing this.
> 
> You need to set a hard boundary. It's clear he hasn't "woken up" to the fact you mean business since the status quo persists. Note that you can only change your reaction to him. He has to get help for himself. Tell him you are greatly concerned with his dangerous behavior and it's having a very detrimental effect on you and the marriage. Set a boundary with consequences and stick to it.
> 
> DO NOT DO NOT DO NOT get pregnant. Now is not the time. You need to get this resolved before bringing a baby up in an environment like this.


Well, we have started to see a counselor and at the last (first) session she was trying to figure out a compromise like, maybe he can stay overnight or I could come get him, which I totally would but.. it's like once he gets in that situation that is it. I have had so many talks with him I am honestly out of things to say! But I still love him and want this to work.. he just really needs to change! I don't know how to get him to though. I guess my hope is that the counseling will help and at least I can talk to someone and get things off my chest.

As for getting pregnant, I have the baby fever!!! I am going to be 33 in a few weeks and seeing a fertility specialist. I figure it's in God's hands.. whatever is meant to happen, will.. thanks for listening!


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## Acorn (Dec 16, 2010)

Jellybeans said:


> DO NOT DO NOT DO NOT get pregnant. Now is not the time. You need to get this resolved before bringing a baby up in an environment like this.



:iagree: This.


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