# Should I be worried, or am I being paranoid?



## CallMeSusan (Feb 15, 2010)

I guess I should start by stating the "I am new to the boards" introduction 

Now for my concerns. Firstly, my husband travels quite a bit for his job. He always has. Until the past few months things have always seemed to work for us. A few weeks ago I noticed a change. Not in his desire to be home, or want to be with me intimately, not even in his affections towards me, there's just something different that I can't explain. His company suddenly gave him a prepaid phone, even though he has his personal one with him at all times and is always working with at least two or three other employees, and he's been working later hours, even into the early morning hours and suddenly he's been making special lunch trips taking longer than normal. I feel the prepaid phone is his and he only got it to keep me from seeing the numbers of who he talks to. The only thing that keeps me from being more suspicious about his working over was a conversation I over heard between some one else who works there and his wife complaining about the over time. There are my concerns. Ask question, or give honest thoughts, please.


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## AlexNY (Dec 10, 2009)

CallMeSusan said:


> ... not in his desire to be home, or want to be with me intimately, not even in his affections towards me, there's just something different that I can't explain ...


Times are tough. Everyone knows people are getting let go, and nobody wants to be next.

The thing that you notice "different" about your husband is probably that he is afraid.

In a marriage, there is no right to privacy. If you are worried, find your answers. In my opinion, there is nothing to find. But you will feel better after you see that for yourself.

Good luck.


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

I think Alex has a good idea; you can just ask him if he is worried about his job and how is he handling the added stress if he is. See if that leads to a discussion about the longer hours, etc. Let him bring up those things rather than suggesting them yourself. Is his pay reflecting overtime or comp time? It probably won't if he is salaried, but worth looking at.


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## Mittens (Jan 9, 2010)

I think in a situation like this it's best to stick with the boyscouts - Hope for the best, but prepare for the worst.
Try and give him the benefit of the doubt, but in the meantime if you have no 'evidence' otherwise, keep your eyes and ears open and aware, and look for other subtle changes to his behavior.


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## Mal74 (Dec 24, 2009)

I suppose I am in the very fortunate, and apparently very small minority of married people who engages in frequent, frank, and open discussion with my husband. This is what I would recommend - a talk that begins with, "honey, things seem to be changing. Here's what I've noticed (fill in the blanks). Can we talk about this?"

So many people seem to approach marriage as though it is a long war between two separate parties, with this one winning one battle and the other winning the next. There always seems to be a keeping score, or keeping tabs, or wondering what if he's this, that, or the other. 

No one's marriage is perfect and my H and I have our foibles separately and together. But I think we both recognize that we are one. We are a unit. There is a him, and there is a me, and we have separate interests, goals, and even secrets, but first, foremost, and always, we are us.

So if you are sensing that there is some real threat to the "us" that is your marriage, I encourage you to talk about it. I don't see anything in your post that suggests he's up to something shady - I just see a change. But I also see signs that you may not feel as intimately joined to the union as you would like. So that's why I say you should talk.

A lot, perhaps.


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