# Just Silence



## tiredofsilence (Jul 13, 2013)

Hi All, 

I am 26 years old and got married 6 months back.. I knew my husband before marriage, we studied together.. He was very different then... Now he has changed tremendously... 
1) He has stopped communicating
2) His answer to all my questions is SILENCE
3) He is very stubborn with me
4) He does not realize his faults
5) He does not forgive me that easily after a fight
6) He has labled me as a psychotic person
7) He is so good with other and with me infront of others that no one believes me when I try to share
8) He blames me each and everytime

I do agree that I may lose my templer at times but most of the time I try and do everything to please him. Slightest of my mistake results in silent treatment for me. It is frustrating me as I have no one who understands me

Please help I am tired of this silence


----------



## nevergveup (Feb 18, 2013)

Well,you need ask yourself have you acted differently
after you married him?

If you lose control and yell,he will only tune you out and ignore you.

Do you both have good communication in the marriage?

You both are only married a short time and should be still in the honeymoon stage.

Find out what the problems are and work on changing them.


----------



## Chelle D (Nov 30, 2011)

Can I ask what country you are from? Is he from the same cultural background as you?

It sounds like it could be a mixture of cultural difference, as well as not REALLY knowing your husband.

Just the wording almost sounded like an arranged marriage. "I knew my husband before marriage..." makes it seem like you know many women that _Don't_ know their spouse beforehand? Am I interpretting this wrong?

"We studied together" indicates to me, maybe you went to college/university together... but didn't really date & have fun together as a couple. You didn't say "He was my boyfriend in college"... just that you both studied together.

*Sounds like you didn't really "know" him before the marriage.
How long did you actually date? How long were you a "couple" before he asked you to marry him? *

I would really sit down one night & try open honest *Calm* discussion between you two. Pull out a bowl of popcorn, like you're going to watch a movie together, then... take the remote, turn the tv off, set the remote down, turn your body to his and say "I really have some things I need to discuss with you....' (look him in the eye when you say it.)

Then, open up about the silence bothering you... about what "causes" you to get angry & out of control with the temper. Then, also discuss your feeling of lack of understanding from him. Tell him that verbal feedback to you is vital. you need confirmation that he understands your point... even if he doesn't agree with you. You need to hear him acknowledge that you are upset.

It seems possibly there was something in his past, that he had to suppress & hold in his emotions and reactions. Was his mother/sibling beat? Did he feel at a young age that he was told to "shut up & be seen, not heard"?

If so... PLEASE, please, make sure you have deep discussions about child raising before you commit to having any children with this man.

If he is uncapable of showing normal emotions to you.. you don't want that frustration & non-connection happening between your future children & the their father.


----------



## AlphaProvider (Jul 8, 2013)

tiredofsilence said:


> Hi All,
> 
> I am 26 years old and got married 6 months back.. I knew my husband before marriage, we studied together.. He was very different then... Now he has changed tremendously...
> 1) He has stopped communicating
> ...


He believe's he is right and you are wrong. I would not look to him for affirmations in this stage ( detach ), the position is "screwing" you... 

It happens to men too.


----------



## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

yuk .only married six months. I'd leave and be glad you decided to leave now rather than later.


----------



## IsGirl3 (Nov 13, 2012)

why in the world would he have changed? did he not change, but you had blinders on? did you see any of these red flags before the marriage? why do you lose your temper? how often does this happen? do you understand why he gives you the silent treatment? does he give you the silent treatment only after you lose your temper? Why does he think you are pyschotic? Is there any truth to what he is saying?

If the answer is 'no' then he was a bait and switch. Nice and charming before the wedding, and now he's cold as ice. This is bad news for any marriage, but for a marriage that is only 6 months old, I'd think seriously about running for my life. Definately DO NOT have kids with him.

You need to tell him that your marriage is in danger, and that you two either need to work together, either on your own or in counseling, to work out your MAJOR problems, or you have to accept that this marriage was a mistake, and be thankful that you bailed early.

You absolutely cannot and should not tolerate silence and being blamed for everything. Good luck.


----------



## justdance4me (Jul 12, 2013)

chillymorn said:


> yuk .only married six months. I'd leave and be glad you decided to leave now rather than later.


Sadly I agree! 6 months into a relationship, no guarantee it will get better. You deserve happiness rather than living and suffering in silence.


----------



## SaltInWound (Jan 2, 2013)

Read this thread and see if there are any similarities.
http://talkaboutmarriage.com/genera...live-passive-aggressive-spouse-long-term.html


----------



## FemBot (May 1, 2013)

Read "men are from mars, women are from venus" to figure out if you actually have a problem. It might be all in your head. Men do not communicate the same way we do nor do they think the same.

If it's not then I agree with a passive agressive spouse issue.


----------



## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Perhaps he was seeking a caretaker and charmed you to get you roped in and, once the paper was signed, he quit acting.


----------



## keylady (Jul 30, 2013)

I have been there for almost 36 years. I know what you are talking about. I have a husband that reacts almost just like that; if I do or say something that he does not like or agree with, he blows up and then the silent treatment starts. It has lasted up to a month. I cry alot and pray alot, but it does no good. The silence won't break until I admit that I was wrong. I am not saying to give up and get out right now, as you can see I haven't; but I am saying that you need to learn to communicate. But, from experience I know this will not work unless you are both willing to sit down and talk. I am a Christian lady, so I find it hard to just give up and I know that God can work through anything. So, hang in there, prayer for him and the right words to say and talk. You owe it to yourself to give it a try. God bless you!


----------



## mkgal1 (Jun 25, 2012)

> It is frustrating me as I have no one who understands me


I understand you. It's nothing you did......and, most likely, just as he can mask this side of him when others are around.....he wasn't showing signs that you just missed prior to marriage. 

Lundy Bancroft has written an excellent book that may help you to feel "heard". Here is his link to his blog: Healing and Hope: RETHINKING CHARM

Amazon.com: Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men eBook: Lundy Bancroft: Kindle Store


----------



## mkgal1 (Jun 25, 2012)

> but I am saying that you need to learn to communicate. But, *from experience I know this will not work unless you are both willing to sit down and talk.*


The second part of this quote is why one person knowing how to communicate well won't solve the problem. Communication is less about skill and more about having mutual love and respect.


----------



## mkgal1 (Jun 25, 2012)

Also.....Tired, have you read this thread here:

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/ladies...u-emotionally-checked-out-15.html#post2595073


----------

