# First Love Returning After 26 years.



## sherbLA

I am a married woman of 11 years and a transplant to the US from England. When leaving at 15 years of age 26 years ago I had a very complicated relationship with a boy the same age. I never knew how he felt about me really and put it away in the past. I just came back in contact with this person and found that he was devasted when I left and revealed he has loved and missed me every day since. My emotions are realing. I have come to realize how much I loved him and in some odd way I am drawn back to him. My husband knows we are back in contact and I did tell him that this guy had revealed his feelings and I also told him how it had brought back so many feelings and memories and that I was shocked by it. This guy and I have had some from heavy texting conversations and I'm beginning to question myself. Is this normal to be so drawn by someone you haven't seen in 26 years? It's not like I can get on a plane and abandon my husband and children.


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## Gaia

It may have been sweet, romantic, ect at that time.. but this is my suggestion to you. The past is the past.. although it may be a fond memory you have a present and future to worry and think about. Stop contacting this guy for awhile until you can get your feelings sorted and your head on straight, consider what you have now and what you could lose as it sounds like your slipping into an EA that could turn PA and ruin your marriage and family life.


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## Browncoat

So let's go over what you do know for a fact:

1. You love your husband and children (I presume you do)
2. You do know that leaving your husband and children will hurt them... and hurt them deeply
3. You don't know if this OM (the old BF) is someone you can definitely live a life with (he's changed, you've changed)

So you want to throw away a life, on the chance that this other man is going to be the true love of your life... maybe?

Doesn't make a lot of sense to me. Stay with your husband, stop all contact with the OM.


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## sherbLA

I do love my husband and would never hurt him or my children by doing something stupid. The OM was an amazing friend aside from the romantic side of things. I do really want that friendship. I have missed him and wanted him in my life. He's 5000 miles away and not about to leave his family either. Right now I feel like our conversations are healing the hurt we have apparently both felt all these years. I like Gaia's comment about holding off for a while now and work on myself and why I am so drawn to it.


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## bandit.45

You are already hurting your husband and doing something stupid.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## sherbLA

I've told my husband that I am in contact and have told him that this has brought up a lot of feelings. I am being honest. I tell my husband everything and we talk things out. He knows he is my husband and knows his place in my heart. I am not concerned about how far or how stupid I could be. I am interested in why this could be consuming after all these years. By addressing it and laying it out on the table that nothing can happen isn't that healing my heart too? How can I have a good marriage without my being healed of the hurt.


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## RClawson

The OM was an amazing friend aside from the romantic side of things. I do really want that friendship.

Can you say HUGE RED FLAG? Why is that relationship so important that you are willing to bruise you husband? He may be saying all the right things but trust me he is not comfortable with this. I could give a rats a$$ what he is telling you. 

When facebook became the rage a female friend told me that a girl that had a mutual crush in High School wanted to chat. I never felt like we left of the best terms and I wanted to make sure she knew how much I really respected her (I do not think I left her with that feeling all those years ago). So we chatted for about 20 minutes via chat and were able to clear the air. She is an accomplished wife and mother with a beautiful family. I believe she thinks the same. It was a liberating 20 minutes and I believe that will be the last conversation we ever have accept for happy birthday once a year. There is really nothing beyond that to discuss. So I get the covering your tracks thing but the must have him for a friend thing seems a bit out of sorts. Is that friendship going to enhance your marriage? No. Will your life be complete without his friendship? If not why not? 

I am quite curious to know your perspective.


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## gav

You're living in the past. Cut the cord here and don't have contact with him. Too much risk. It isn't worth it...


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## ChelseaBlue

bandit.45 said:


> You are already hurting your husband and doing something stupid.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


This is why I like Bandit, direct and to the point.

What comes next after texting and Facebook?

Maybe "I think its time to go back home to England for a short vacation."

Maybe "I can sneak a visit with my old boyfriend while there, just to talk."

Maybe "We could just have a quick kiss and hug, like old times."

Maybe...well, you get the point.

We tend to remember the good times we had and forget the things we didn't like about past relationships. Every second you spend on this relationship takes time away from your family and especially your husband. You have both changed so much over the years that you are not the same people you were when you knew each other.

Time to end this and focus on your present life not a past one.


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## Maricha75

sherbLA said:


> I've told my husband that I am in contact and have told him that this has brought up a lot of feelings. I am being honest. I tell my husband everything and we talk things out. He knows he is my husband and knows his place in my heart. * I am not concerned about how far or how stupid I could be. * I am interested in why this could be consuming after all these years. *By addressing it and laying it out on the table that nothing can happen isn't that healing my heart too? How can I have a good marriage without my being healed of the hurt.*


First, by saying you are not concerned about how far or stupid you can be, you are setting yourself up for an EA. I wasn't concerned either... and then it happened.

How can your heart heal? How about IC? I hear therapists work really well.

Bottom line is that your DH, no matter what he says, isn't cool with your feelings overwhelming you like this. He feels in limbo, bot won't tell you because he doesn't want to hurt you. I agree with the other posters... cut contact. Tell this guy that it was nice catching up, but you feel it would be best to stop talking to him.


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## bandit.45

If you stay in contact with this guy, who you broke up with for very specific reasons (even though you are too much in the romance fog to remember), you can kiss your husband and marriage goodbye.

You'll get divorced, your husband will sue for full custody of the kids, and you'll most likely lose your visa. Then its bye bye, husband, bye bye kids, and hello England and loser ex-boyfriend. 

Un-f*cking-believable.


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## AFEH

sherbLA said:


> I am a married woman of 11 years and a transplant to the US from England. When leaving at 15 years of age 26 years ago I had a very complicated relationship with a boy the same age. I never knew how he felt about me really and put it away in the past. *I just came back in contact with this person *and found that he was devasted when I left and revealed he has loved and missed me every day since. My emotions are realing. I have come to realize how much I loved him and in some odd way I am drawn back to him. My husband knows we are back in contact and I did tell him that this guy had revealed his feelings and I also told him how it had brought back so many feelings and memories and that I was shocked by it. This guy and I have had some from heavy texting conversations and I'm beginning to question myself. Is this normal to be so drawn by someone you haven't seen in 26 years? It's not like I can get on a plane and abandon my husband and children.


How did that happen?


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## sigma1299

Let me guess - Facebook? You reconnected over Facebook? Me to. An old HS GF I hadn't heard from in 22 years found me - a full on EA ensued. "I love you's" - the whole 9 yards. And you're headed the same place, if you're not already there. The good news is I had a good marriage before my EA and despite my horrible actions I have a better one today so you can salvage this. The bad news is you've no idea the pain and the prices you'll pay, especially if you keep going. You know you're in trouble or you wouldn't be here. 

You and the OM aren't seeing each other in reality. The feelings you have rekindled are now being viewed through the rose colored glasses of childhood nostalgia. If you were back in your childhood, back in the day when you knew each other, you wouldn't be so enthralled because reality would be part of the equation. Now reality is no part of it, it's all lost love and what if's - very romantic stuff. It's also all bull sh!t. 

As much as you're not going to want to hear this, please take it from someone who's been where you are. You MUST go complete no contact with this guy ASAP if you want to protect your H, your marriage, and yourself. You can't maintain a friendship with this OM, you've already crossed that line and once crossed you can't go back. This is going to end for you only one of two ways. Either the relationship with the OM will end completely or, if you get yourself totally screwed up, you leave your H. There is no third way out. The sooner you realize this the less pain and the smaller the prices you'll pay for it. 

Search for threads on "the fog" and read up. That's what you're in and understanding it will help you deal with it.


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## anchorwatch

sherbLA, you are on a very slippery slope. You admit that your emotions are reeling. Do you see how fast your emotions have engaged? Your asking about your feelings because you know your not in control. These type of affairs are all over these boards. You will be getting many replies form those who have had experience with this type of thing. bandit.45 and Maricha75 have had this type of experience, take their advice! 

Take a step back, disengage from any contact with this fellow, catch your breath. You owe that much to your husband and relationship. Review what has happened so quickly. Familiarize yourself with the book by Shirley Glass "Not Just Friends". This will give you insight as to what is happening and why your feeling the way you do.
I hope you do whats needed. Good luck


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## Shaggy

You don't want to admit it, but from your post I think you already know you are running down a very slippery slope that if continued will cost you your husband marriage and family.

Hehas already proclaimed his love for you, and that has sent your emotions spinning. Think about what that has already done to your relationship with your husband. And you are still in contact with the OM. Do you think the OM likes another mn being with you? Nope, he sees your husband as the thing standing in the way of him getting you. This means this OM is very my an enemy of your marriage and your relationship with your husband.

Let me guess, your now spending a lot of your daily emotional energy on the OM, thinking about him, questioning what ifs, daydreaming about how different your life could be?

If you don't think that has already driven a wedge in your marriage you are in denial.

As for your husband, do you think he feels loved rosetted or appreciated knowing that you are putting that emotional effort into another man? Another man that wants you for himself? Should your husband be competing with another man for his own wife?

Come on, drop this OM back into the past where he belongs and do it immediately. Then get working on repairing your marriage and your husbands self esteem.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Toffer

Sorry OP but it looks to me as if you're still acting like a 15 year old girl here.

Time to grow up and put on your big girl panties and tell this guy "it was nice catching up and glad we cleared the air but it's time for both of us to move frward with our lives. Please do not contact me again"


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## moxy

What you're both "in love" with is an idea, a fantasy, and a piece of childhood nostalgia. I imagine that you've changed a bit in the last 26 years. I imagine he has, too. How can you possibly think that a relationship would work when it's basis is just escapist fantasy? You don't live on memory lane. It isn't worth risking your entire marriage over. Stop texting your childhood sweetheart because he isn't your husband. Instead, redirect your energy toward yourself and your marriage. Something real, no matter how imperfect, is more valuable than the fantasy for which you are throwing it away. Think logically. If you can't step back enough to see the problem, then you need to start seeing a counselor because this idealized romanticized fantasy is not part of your every day reality and finding out why you want to retreat into the past might help you quit doing it.


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## moxy

sherbLA said:


> I do love my husband and would never hurt him or my children by doing something stupid.


You're already doing so, but you are just keeping it secret. Your inappropriate communication with your old love is defiling your current marriage and making you a poor role model for your children. Please realize that you're no longer 15 and that your actions have consequences. How would you feel if your husband was having these conversations with his high school crush? Long distance doesn't matter, the emotional bond your forming with this guy is energy that belongs rightly with your husband and family.


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## mixedfeelings

Has anyone out there rekindled an old romance when they were already in a bad marriage? I have read many stories of the rekindled romance tearing apart a good marriage, but what about a rekindled romance which came between a not so good marriage?


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## Maricha75

mixedfeelings said:


> Has anyone out there rekindled an old romance when they were already in a bad marriage? I have read many stories of the rekindled romance tearing apart a good marriage, but what about a rekindled romance which came between a not so good marriage?


Without giving away details, I do have a friend in this predicament. Well, sort of. Both are married, he claims he will leave his wife, she doesn't believe him, but says he's the only man she has ever really loved and will do anything for him. She won't listen to reason. Her H knows, I am certain. His W knows, but neither has actually come clean about the A. I expect my friend will be telling me within a month or so that she is getting a divorce. They have planned to do so for months, but stayed together due to some legal situation they needed to take care of before they could separate. This was on the table before OM even entered the picture. But, to answer your question, yes, I ahve heard of rekindled romance starting in a not so good marriage.


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## lamaga

Mixed -- I reunited with my old high school boyfriend and it is magic and fireworks and perfect....BUT. I waited until he was divorced.

Turns out he was always thinking of me, but I'm glad that I was not a factor in the divorce...at that point, we had not spoken for over 20 years.


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## norajane

sherbLA said:


> I've told my husband that I am in contact and have told him that this has brought up a lot of feelings. I am being honest. I tell my husband everything and we talk things out. He knows he is my husband and knows his place in my heart. I am not concerned about how far or how stupid I could be. I am interested in why this could be consuming after all these years. By addressing it and laying it out on the table that nothing can happen isn't that healing my heart too? * How can I have a good marriage without my being healed of the hurt.*


The same way you had a good marriage all these years - without the ex-bf in your life. You managed to survive quite nicely without "healing the hurt" all these years, but suddenly you just can't live one more moment without "healing your heart"? 

Wake up. Your husband is the man in your life. Don't jeopardize that for an old fantasy you had long ago put away and forgotten about until now.

You were 15. Do you know how many people are married to someone they were dating at 15? Not many. The reason? You aren't the same people that you were then. You have a husband and children. Really, I can't believe you're even going down this road. 

Don't you feel loved and appreciated? Do you really need this validation from a guy you remember as a teenager? Are you feeling less attractive to men now that you are older? Are upset that you can't flirt like you used to do when you were a teenager? Mid-life crisis or something? 

How would you feel if the shoe was on the other foot and your husband was the one infatuated with a teenage gf he recently has been "heavily texting" with?


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## mixedfeelings

Lamagna...I asked this because my marriage has not been great, as aforementioned on another forum today, to which you responded. Just as the ship was sinking to an all time low, my old BF found me on FB. Same as your story. He had been thinking about me for nearly 30 yrs. It has made me feel especially guilty because I sometimes feel like people will believe it was the cause of the separation. It really is not, just happened concurrently. I'd be lying if I didn't say talking with the old BF didn't help to finally push me over the edge I'd been teetering on for years though. He was already separated when we began talking. We have only kissed, and I hope to get to "fireworks" some day in the near future. He was my first love, and I never loved anyone like him again. I know we did not go through the kind of raise kids, and weather the storms kind of love...but we dated for 3 yrs in HS, and shared a special bond. Thanks for sharing a success story of rekindled love.


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## Entropy3000

sherbLA said:


> I do love my husband and would never hurt him or my children by doing something stupid. The OM was an amazing friend aside from the romantic side of things. I do really want that friendship. I have missed him and wanted him in my life. He's 5000 miles away and not about to leave his family either. Right now I feel like our conversations are healing the hurt we have apparently both felt all these years. I like Gaia's comment about holding off for a while now and work on myself and why I am so drawn to it.


Unfortunately you are going to have to go NC with this guy. 

Like it or not your current actions are:

Inappropriate -- check, being in contact with the ex at all. Now that you know their feelings for you this has escalated into the below.

Unfaithful -- check. You are questioning yourself AND you are wanting to stay in contact with an EX. An ex who wants you. You see them as your soulmate.

Cheating -- You are very much on the edge.


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## bandit.45

mixedfeelings said:


> Lamagna...I asked this because my marriage has not been great, as aforementioned on another forum today, to which you responded. Just as the ship was sinking to an all time low, my old BF found me on FB. Same as your story. He had been thinking about me for nearly 30 yrs. It has made me feel especially guilty because I sometimes feel like people will believe it was the cause of the separation. It really is not, just happened concurrently. I'd be lying if I didn't say talking with the old BF didn't help to finally push me over the edge I'd been teetering on for years though. He was already separated when we began talking. We have only kissed, and I hope to get to "fireworks" some day in the near future. He was my first love, and I never loved anyone like him again. I know we did not go through the kind of raise kids, and weather the storms kind of love...but we dated for 3 yrs in HS, and shared a special bond. Thanks for sharing a success story of rekindled love.


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## Entropy3000

sherbLA said:


> *I've told my husband that I am in contact and have told him that this has brought up a lot of feelings. I am being honest.* I tell my husband everything and we talk things out. He knows he is my husband and knows his place in my heart. I am not concerned about how far or how stupid I could be. I am interested in why this could be consuming after all these years. By addressing it and laying it out on the table that nothing can happen isn't that healing my heart too? How can I have a good marriage without my being healed of the hurt.


Being honest does not make it OK. Your honest feelings are the problem. 

This is a fantasy. It is in your mind. You were 15. You say you would never hurt your husband and yet you are. Stop. Put your big girl pants on. The more you indulge yourself here the more you will want to indulge and the more you will justify your feelings. 

Let this other guy go. This is very selfish and childish. I understand your feelings. Realize these are self destructive and hurting the man who has comitted to you. Forget this other guy.


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## bandit.45

This thread is making me nauseous.


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## norajane

Entropy3000 said:


> Being honest does not make it OK. Your honest feelings are the problem.
> 
> This is a fantasy. It is in your mind. You were 15. You say you would never hurt your husband and yet you are. Stop. Put your big girl pants on. *The more you indulge yourself here the more you will want to indulge and the more you will justify your feelings. *
> 
> Let this other guy go. This is very selfish and childish. I understand your feelings. Realize these are self destructive and hurting the man who has comitted to you. Forget this other guy.


This, yes. If you continue to develop this relationship with this guy, you will soon start becoming more and more dissatisfied and unhappy with your husband and your life that you enjoyed just fine before you started talking with this guy. You will start seeing everything through the lens of how "perfect" your ex is, and how ordinary your husband is. The fantasy (_*and self-absorption*_) will eventually take over and you will start re-writing history until you have convinced yourself the only thing to do is be with your former teenage bf. 

You may not be concerned with that because you don't think you would ever cross the line. But if you keep talking with him and thinking about him and he remains all consuming, you are most certainly letting another man get between you and your husband, yes you _are_. He is actually already _there_, between you and your husband. 

Please don't do this to your husband and family. Pulling back from an emotional affair will be a million times harder than pulling back from the ledge now. Once you cross the line, things will never be the same with your husband and your family again.

If you have hurts that need to heal, work through them with a professional therapist.


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## Entropy3000

bandit.45 said:


>


Yes, she gave up 29 years per her other thread with her husband who she married when she was 19.

For her old BF.

And of course there is no history re-writing anywhere here.

So we basiclly have three ladies who joined about a day apart who have rekindled with their old BF. So we have a trend of the week.

20, 26 and 29 years respectively for the time in between old fabulous soulmate BF connection.

One waited for him to divorce. One stating they were in a bad marriage of 29 years. And this thread 26 years who claims to love her husband but must have this "friend".


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## ChelseaBlue

lamaga said:


> Mixed -- I reunited with my old high school boyfriend ....Turns out he was always thinking of me,


Actually *he told you* he was always thinking of you. 

He told his wife he would love, honor, and cherish her till death in his marriage vows. We often choose to believe the things that make us happiest.


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## Entropy3000

Trenton said:


> I'll add also that when I first came here and crap was bad between my husband and I...I so crushed on Deejo in the worst way
> 
> Sometimes you have to make choices because your heart is damn stupid. If you're at a vulnerable time in your life, you have to seriously keep honorable and true to your values.
> 
> Hopefully your values don't include screwing the man who has dedicated his life to you over in order to indulge in a fantasy that was over long ago.


He always liked you best.


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## bandit.45

Well hell, I guess I should look up my old high school flame! 

Judging from what I've seen here she'd be a shoe-in to replace the soon-to-be-ex-Mrs. Bandit.45.


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## Entropy3000

bandit.45 said:


> Well hell, I guess I should look up my old high school flame!
> 
> Judging from what I've seen here she'd be a shoe-in to replace the soon-to-be-ex-Mrs. Bandit.45.


I have little doubt that this is indeed a way for men to hook up these days. Reconnect on FB with H.S. friends from the past. Tell them you have never stopped thinking about them and how you wish you had only realized that they were your soulmate. Then convince yourself this was really true. I wonder how often this works? Seriously. 

You can follow the predator script and just say that you honor their marriage but would just like to be friends if initmacy was not an option. Eventually you meet up.

The only problem is you really have to be an @$$hole to actually do anything like this IMO. So that eliminates a bunch of folks who would do this.

But you I agree. This seems to be a low risk high value option for some.

I do not see an issue with reconnecting with other folks as long as you are not married and truly honor their marriage and do not pursue them but only those who are truly single.


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## moxy

Entropy3000 said:


> I have little doubt that this is indeed a way for men to hook up these days. Reconnect on FB with H.S. friends from the past. Tell them you have never stoppe thinking about them and how you wish you had only realized that they were your soulmate. Then convince yourself this was really true. I wonder how oftern this works? Seriously.
> 
> You can follow the predator script and just say that you honor their marriage but would like to be friends.
> 
> Yup. Gotta be like the number one way.


Newest pick-up technique in the book.

There should be T-shirts that say "Facebook Killed My Marriage".


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## bandit.45

moxy said:


> Newest pick-up technique in the book.
> 
> There should be T-shirts that say "Facebook Killed My Marriage".


:iagree:

Losers...


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## Browncoat

Entropy3000 said:


> He always liked you best.


As kids these days say it: u jelly ?


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## Gaia

I'm SOOOO putting that as a design on one of my Tshirts from my website... the only problem I have is hubby wants us to make money from it.. which means... having to get a business license .... which could take awhile.. lol.


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## Entropy3000

Trenton said:


> I'm a sucker for a man with a heart, a brain and a sense of humor. His wife must've been batass crazy.


So he was the Scarecrow, Lion, Tin Man and Toto all wrapped up in one package. Good thing for him his wife enabled him to leave Kansas. LOL. Oh, I guess he is the man behind the curtain now ...

Behind every great man is either a great or a batass crazy woman.


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## Entropy3000

Browncoat said:


> As kids these days say it: u jelly ?


I was never jealous of Deejo. Just TRBE. Her other love.


****** SORRY FOR THE THREAD JACK ********


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## Entropy3000

Trenton said:


> He still loves Dorothy. If I had a magic wand I would hit her with that stick and tell her to wake the f up already.


He is pretty cool .... 

I hate being a suck up though.


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## Entropy3000

Trenton said:


> Hey, Ent, you think we have the mod's scratching their heads or drawing up new rules that say it's illegal to talk about mod's on the boards on a personal level?
> 
> *I keep checking to see if I am Banned.*
> 
> Who am I kidding, they prolly already have it covered somewhere.
> 
> So you crushed on Brighteyes? Do you think that was getting close to crossing the line with your wife?
> 
> *I genuinely liked the lady. Not sure if she was real though. I asked myself this more than once. I'm good. I sincerely have it bad for my wife. But yes I did question myself. I have learned to do that. That's a good thing.  *


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## bandit.45

Seriously.... I'm gonna hurl!....


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## Maricha75

moxy said:


> Newest pick-up technique in the book.
> 
> There should be T-shirts that say "Facebook Killed My Marriage".


Any that say WoW did it? Cuz it nearly killed mine.


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## Entropy3000

Reconnecting with old flames is asking for trouble. If you do not have trouble in your marriage you are inviting a great risk of destroying it. Then the history re-writing begins. I just think this is too risky to do. We can argue about boundaries with friends but EXs and fantasy old flames are unfaithful from the get go ... IMO.

I think the OPs husband is being too nice about all of this. I wish we could let him know he needs to help his wife out with this. She needs his help to disconnect.

OP there is a third person in your marriage. They need to go. You need to focus on your marriage. Please do His Needs Her Needs with your husband. Establish proper boundaries and work with your husband to meet each other needs. You know it is very possible if a couple is motivated to have an ongoing affair with your partner. The one who deserves it.


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## Trenton

Bandit...Shut It! 

Ent, She was real. She's a FB friend although I msg'd her recently and haven't heard back. I guess she could be a figment of all of our imaginations but I don't think so. I miss her dearly. Vomit now Bandit, vomit now!


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## bandit.45

Bleeeeeeeechhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!


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## Entropy3000

Trenton said:


> Bandit...Shut It!
> 
> Ent, She was real. She's a FB friend although I msg'd her recently and haven't heard back. I guess she could be a figment of all of our imaginations but I don't think so. I miss her dearly. Vomit now Bandit, vomit now!


Hope she and her hubby are doing well.


SORRY!!! Back to this thread.

I think we were talking about boundaries. Not getting attached to other people and so on.


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## EleGirl

sherbLA said:


> I've told my husband that I am in contact and have told him that this has brought up a lot of feelings. I am being honest. I tell my husband everything and we talk things out. He knows he is my husband and knows his place in my heart. I am not concerned about how far or how stupid I could be. I am interested in why this could be consuming after all these years. By addressing it and laying it out on the table that nothing can happen isn't that healing my heart too? How can I have a good marriage without my being healed of the hurt.


This is not unusual at all. The emotional aspect is that the two of you are thrown back into the emotional place you were when you were 15. It feels great. It's a great fantasy. And since he’s 5000 miles away you actually have very little knowledge on who he really is now. You can fill in between the lines and your imagination can make him into the person you want him to be. 

Years ago I moved to a city only to find out that the ‘love of my’ life lived there. I had not seen him in almost 20 years. We got in touch and started to date. It was like the clock had stopped and we were back 20 years earlier. We dated for a year. I broke it off when I moved back to my home state at the end of the year. Why did I break it off? Because it took a year for the fantasy to end and for the reality of who he was to sink in and he was not the kind of man I wanted to be married to. And neither of us was married at the time so that was not even a issue. 

You would do well to end this now before it becomes an issue in your marriage and his.


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## Gaia

Here's a design... now to see if it will actually save in the shop.... (yes I know a bit off topic.. lol)


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## fallensoldier

sherbLA said:


> It's not like I can get on a plane and abandon my husband and children.


Then quit your childish, stupid acts. Have no contact with him.


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## SabrinaBlue

sherb, I'm going to call shenanigans on your childhood crush declaring that he has "loved and missed you ever since." Some of us have that first love lost story, but I guarantee you, we've had other relationships in our lives ... other times when we haven't "loved and missed" that original person at all. It's in no way normal or healthy to go 26 years fixating on someone you haven't seen or heard from since you were a teenager.

Stop lollygagging and cut all contact. Your husband deserves better, and frankly, so do you.


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## sigma1299

Me thinkst we ran off another newbie who didn't want to hear what she already knew if she were honest with herself. ***sigh*** Never underestimate the power of denial. 

To the others who have posted in this thread that they are reconnecting with old flames... Are you friggin kidding me!!! Have you read this thread!!! I've been there, I know what that reconnection feels like. Pull your heads out of your asses before you make a lifetime mistake because you're not seeing clearly. If you want out of your marriage fine, but when lost love is running around in your head you are not thinking clearly or rationally. Don't make a decision like that when you are unnecessarily confused by an old BF/GF. 

I'm with Bandit, this thread makes me want to puke. I hope my wife doesn't read it.


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## chillymorn

I say drop everything and go!

you only live once and YOU deserve to be happy!


so dose your family and they might be happier without you.

think how happy you will be looking at your kids from afar. wondering whats going on in their lives,and after the newness wears off and you find that you were right when you left him years ago and wish you had the strong husband that truly loved you that you selfishly left over a fantasy.

crazy.


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## Toffer

SabrinaBlue said:


> sherb, I'm going to call shenanigans on your childhood crush
> 
> Sabrina, I laughed a bit when I saw this part of your post! I call shenanigans on people and things all the time! Only a few folks I know in the Tri-state area here use this!


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## uzername

it's very flattering and romantic to have a "lost love" find you and declare their love for you and yours for them. you've indulged your 15-year-old self now, so it is time to return to reality. i would be so hurt if my DH told me all this and he continued to chat with an ex. it's not a big deal that you reconnected, that you talked through the past, but it is a big deal that you won't let go. it doesn't matter what his motives are or what he needs, you need to respect yourself, your husband and your children and refocus on your life now - not your 15-year-old feelings and daydreams.


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## Gaia

This is all the result of people who get to caught up with those unrealistic fairy tale movies about finding a past love, leaving to be with past love, and living happily ever after with past love crap. People... that's just HOLLYWOOD or whatever.... it's not real ffs.


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## CandieGirl

sherbla said:


> i am a married woman of 11 years and a transplant to the us from england. When leaving at 15 years of age 26 years ago i had a very complicated relationship with a boy the same age. I never knew how he felt about me really and put it away in the past. I just came back in contact with this person and found that he was devasted when i left and revealed he has loved and missed me every day since. My emotions are realing. I have come to realize how much i loved him and in some odd way i am drawn back to him. My husband knows we are back in contact and i did tell him that this guy had revealed his feelings and i also told him how it had brought back so many feelings and memories and that i was shocked by it. This guy and i have had some from heavy texting conversations and i'm beginning to question myself. Is this normal to be so drawn by someone you haven't seen in 26 years? It's not like i can get on a plane and abandon my husband and children.


*grow up! You are 41 years old. It's time.*


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## CandieGirl

Alternately, go out and hang around with a 15 year old boy (without getting arrested for pedophelia) for a week, and then come back and tell us the love of your life has returned. Puh-LEASE!!!


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## Gaia

lmao if i were the MOMMA of that 15 year old boy.. I'd put the SMACK DOWN on ANY older woman... especially a 41 year old... who was hanging around my son!!


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## Jellybeans

sigma1299 said:


> Me thinkst we ran off another newbie who didn't want to hear what she already knew if she were honest with herself. ***sigh*** Never underestimate the power of denial.


:iagree:

I wonder if she will come back.


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## sigma1299

Jellybeans said:


> :iagree:
> 
> I wonder if she will come back.


I'd offer to bet you - but we'll both want to be no.


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## COguy

<This is to anyone that posted about old flames, not just the OP>

I'm sure the old flames really spent every day thinking about how much they loved and missed you. Including while they were in committed relationships and screwing other people and professing undying love to others.

I'm sure the old relationships you had that ended "for whatever reason", was really a match made in heaven and you were so stupid to call it quits so long ago.

I'm sure that you and the old flame are magical for each other, and when you leave your spouses for each other, the moons will align and all of your wildest dreams will come true and you'll have perfect marriages and nothing will ever go wrong.

OR we could wake up from our childish fantasies and see the reality of the situation:

1. The guy is lying to you because he obviously didn't think of you when he was banging other chicks while you were gone.
2. He's willing to break up your family so he can sex you up, so obviously his moral character is flawed.
3. He takes a dump just like your husband, and after 10 years of marriage you're going to be just as pissed at him as you would your current husband.

Just admit that you're lonely and horny and that having someone interested in you is emotionally and sexually enlightening. Once you realize that, you'll stop putting yourself in a position to ruin your entire life, and your families, for a dream that will never come true.


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## Conrad

COGuy,

I'd like to protest and say people really aren't that shallow.

But, I'm not a liar.


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## MadeInMichigan

When I was a strapping young MAN of 13 I was in love and had a very complicated relationship with Farrah Fawcett. 30 years later I found that poster again and all the feelings are coming back.

What should I do???


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## COguy

MadeInMichigan said:


> When I was a strapping young MAN of 13 I was in love and had a very complicated relationship with Farrah Fawcett. 30 years later I found that poster again and all the feelings are coming back.
> 
> What should I do???


Just do whatever feels right! There's no wrong, when it comes to true love.


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## bandit.45

Muuuughhhaaahhhh bleeeeeechhhhhhhhh!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Conrad

MadeInMichigan said:


> When I was a strapping young MAN of 13 I was in love and had a very complicated relationship with Farrah Fawcett. 30 years later I found that poster again and all the feelings are coming back.
> 
> What should I do???


Move to Egypt.


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## TorontoBoyWest

ChelseaBlue said:


> This is why I like Bandit, direct and to the point.
> 
> What comes next after texting and Facebook?
> 
> Maybe "I think its time to go back home to England for a short vacation."
> 
> Maybe "I can sneak a visit with my old boyfriend while there, just to talk."
> 
> Maybe "We could just have a quick kiss and hug, like old times."
> 
> Maybe...well, you get the point.
> 
> We tend to remember the good times we had and forget the things we didn't like about past relationships. Every second you spend on this relationship takes time away from your family and especially your husband. You have both changed so much over the years that you are not the same people you were when you knew each other.
> 
> Time to end this and focus on your present life not a past one.


This. It is the beginnings of a A.

And as Bandit has said, you have already hurt your H very deeply, regardless of outward appearances.


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## MadeInMichigan

Conrad said:


> Move to Egypt.



Should I bring the poster with me?!?:scratchhead:


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## GTdad

MadeInMichigan said:


> Should I bring the poster with me?!?:scratchhead:


Should be okay. Just don't try to take it to Saudi Arabia. I think nipples are against the law there.


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## Conrad

MadeInMichigan said:


> Should I bring the poster with me?!?:scratchhead:


Send it via Fedex Tube


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## MadeInMichigan

What am I going to do about my Jaclyn Smith poster???


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## fallensoldier

Lmao - I think EVERYTHING is against the law in Saudi Arabia !


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## MrsKy

sherbLA said:


> I've told my husband that I am in contact and have told him that this has brought up a lot of feelings. I am being honest. I tell my husband everything and we talk things out. He knows he is my husband and knows his place in my heart. I am not concerned about how far or how stupid I could be. I am interested in why this could be consuming after all these years. By addressing it and laying it out on the table that nothing can happen isn't that healing my heart too? How can I have a good marriage without my being healed of the hurt.


Being honest about something doesn't make it any less wrong.

Your husband seems rather naive if he is going to allow an EA in his marriage. 

Most hubbies would be livid if their wives were talking to old flames and "developing feelings." Married people are not to pursue contact with someone they have a crush on.

Maybe you are trying to relive your youth. Are you happy in your marriage?


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## RClawson

My guess is that the OP did not like the direction of the commentary in this thread.


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## allthegoodnamesaregone

Give your head a shake, anyone who carries a torch for 26 years without moving on is a potential mental case. Everyone has people in their past, but to pine about it for that length of time yells " Damaged Goods!" loud and clear. What you are going through is common at mid life, wondering what might have been, meanwhile the guy that gave it all to you for all you married life is at your side. If the other guy really wanted to find you he would have over 20 years ago.


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## allthegoodnamesaregone

Maricha75 said:


> Any that say WoW did it? Cuz it nearly killed mine.


WOW killed mine and many others. By reports of BIL she's still playing it obsessively.


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## Coffee Amore

My first thought reading the title of this thread was "God I hope my first love doesn't return." He's not my first love. He was maybe my first infatutation, but my first love is my husband because it's with him I've built a life.


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## eowyn

sherbLA said:


> I am a married woman of 11 years and a transplant to the US from England. When leaving at 15 years of age 26 years ago I had a very complicated relationship with a boy the same age. I never knew how he felt about me really and put it away in the past. I just came back in contact with this person and found that he was devasted when I left and revealed he has loved and missed me every day since. My emotions are realing. I have come to realize how much I loved him and in some odd way I am drawn back to him. My husband knows we are back in contact and I did tell him that this guy had revealed his feelings and I also told him how it had brought back so many feelings and memories and that I was shocked by it. This guy and I have had some from heavy texting conversations and I'm beginning to question myself. Is this normal to be so drawn by someone you haven't seen in 26 years? It's not like I can get on a plane and abandon my husband and children.


OP, Pay no attention to all these posts! It is perfectly normal to have such feelings for your first love. And this person looks like a highly devoted and genuine man, he has missed you every day since your break up! Wow, where can one find such quality of devotion in today's world? In addition there is the friendship and romantic side of things as well.. literally everything one can wish for!

You are indeed so lucky to have come in contact with your long lost love... God bless Mark Zuckerberg if facebook was indeed how you reconnected with your soulmate. Yes, soulmate indeed, who was devasted when you left him, and has been thinking about you ever since, inspite of having a family of his own!... for 26 long years... 9490 days...227760 hrs..13665600 mins... 819936000 secs!! This is a once-in-lifetime opportunity, OP.. don't let it pass by!!!! 

Please continue to text him, call him, chat with him and as soon as possible, please get on a plane and abandon your husband and children to be with this man forever. May you and your soulmate be healed from the hurt you have both felt both felt all these years. I am sure your husband and your children will understand!

:toast:


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## F-102

To the OP, I've posted this elsewhere for a man whose W had reconnected with an old flame, and I'll modify it for you here:

Right now, the texts/conversations may very well be innocent, but soon, they may morph into:

Your lives since you and the ex BF parted
Your relationships since you and the ex BF parted
Your families
Your husband
How he's an excellent father
How he's a great husband
How he's such a wonderful guy
His job
How his job keeps him away
How you sometimes feel lonely when he's away
How you sometimes feel a little overburdened at home
How you sometimes feel a little taken for granted
How you feel that he doesn't ALWAYS listen to you
How you feel that he doesn't ALWAYS understand you
How sometimes you feel that he's just not there for you
How...okay, he's not ALWAYS such a great guy
How you loved hearing from your ex BF again
How you love talking to you ex BF again
How you look forward to his texts/e-mails/calls now
How you feel young again
How you feel appreciated again
How you feel attractive and sexy again
How it's been so, so long since your H made you feel that way
How, after 11 wonderful years, your eyes have been opened
How those 11 years were not so wonderful after all
How you now realize what you truly want and need
How insensitive your H can be sometimes 
How your H can be a real jerk sometimes
How you wonder if you would have stayed with your ex BF
How you now realize that you never really loved your H
How you now realize that you really loved your ex BF all along 
How you could ever have fallen in love with a jerk like your H
How your H is the biggest a++hole you've ever known
How your H is standing in the way of your true happiness
How your H ruined your life
How you made a big mistake marrying your H
How you made a bigger mistake letting your ex BF go
How you and your ex BF were really meant to be together
How you desperately must get away from your H
How you're definitely going to leave your H
How you're talking to divorce lawyers
How you and your one true love are going to live happily ever after

...get the picture?

Not all scenarios such as yours end up like this...

...but they ALL start like this. Wise up, and drop the ex BF!


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