# how would you respond?



## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

I have joked about this on other threads, but I wanted to get some female opinons. So here we vo. The next time my wife denies me sex Im considering flipping to the ppv porn channel to see what she does. How would you respond if your SO did this?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

I would show her how to access the free porn so she wouldn't have to waste $12 on the cable bill


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## anja (Mar 12, 2013)

What are you trying to accomplish?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

Thound said:


> I have joked about this on other threads, but I wanted to get some female opinons. So here we vo. The next time my wife denies me sex Im considering flipping to the ppv porn channel to see what she does. How would you respond if your SO did this?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I would tell him to quite being a passive aggressive baby and communicate with me instead if he has issues.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

I can't reply from experience as I would never say no to sex unless the aliens had landed which would get my attention.

But my guess is that it won't go down well with a woman that isn't into sex. She may see it as passive/aggressive or simply think she has an "out" and tell you to DIY to the porn. I don't think the end result will help your situation.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

Holland said:


> I can't reply from experience as I would never say no to sex unless the aliens had landed which would get my attention.
> 
> But my guess is that it won't go down well with a woman that isn't into sex. She may see it as passive/aggressive or simply think she has an "out" and tell you to DIY to the porn. I don't think the end result will help your situation.


I'm very into sex and see it as passive aggressive.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Snap SB, we posted at the same time with a similar reply. Yes I am into sex and see it as PA, was just thinking that also a woman that wasn't into sex would see it as a PA move.


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## Anonymous07 (Aug 4, 2012)

Holland said:


> Snap SB, we posted at the same time with a similar reply. Yes I am into sex and see it as PA, was just thinking that also a woman that wasn't into sex would see it as a PA move.


I'm normally very into sex, but my sex drive has all but disappeared in the last few weeks being 8 months pregnant(not interested/no drive). I'd still see it as a passive aggressive move and would NOT be happy about it. It's a very immature and childish way of handling things.


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

Yup, yup and yup, I agree with all three of them. 

There are two main reasons women don't have sex. 
1. She just isn't that turned on at all anymore. Alone or with you. Can be a variety of reasons - tired, low T, LD in general...
2. She is turned off by YOU. That can be a lack of respect or love for you.

Scenario 1 you have to make it very clear you feel rejected by that, that sex is important to a loving relationship and creates a bond between you two that you need to be happy. Eventually if you are unhappy long enough, there will be an end to the relationship. Either she gets that she needs to make an effort to feel sexier or divorce.

Scenario 2 means you need to find out why she is no longer attracted. Either you are an azz about certain things that turn her off or else you are too nice of a guy, she walks over you and doesn't respect you. Once you know her answer you can address those things or decide if you aren't willing to change.

If you aren't willing to have those talks, the marriage will end. If you are, maybe MC is the way to open the lines of communication. If she refuses to talk, you'll never know and the marriage is over. 

So find the reason for the lack of sex and address it or ATTEMPT to address it, realize nothing will change and serve her with divorce papers.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Thoud, I do also find it passive agressive....BUT...it might at least open the door for a conversation.


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## committed4ever (Nov 13, 2012)

Anonymous07 said:


> I'm normally very into sex, *but my sex drive has all but disappeared in the last few weeks being 8 months pregnant(not interested/no drive). *I'd still see it as a passive aggressive move and would NOT be happy about it. It's a very immature and childish way of handling things.


Oh damn! When did it start to drop off for you? I'm 4.5 months and still can't get enough. 

\end hijack

OP I can't see that changing anything under any scenario. She might just be glad thinking you'll stop bothering her. Enjoli advice is really good


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

Thanks for the replies
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tulsy (Nov 30, 2012)

I wouldn't turn on porn just to see what she does...I would turn on porn so that I could get myself off. 

If you have needs and she's not interested, I don't see why rubbing-one-out would be a problem. I wouldn't shove it in her face...find some privacy and "take care of business". She doesn't have the right to deny you of getting yourself off, but don't rub it in her face (figuratively speaking).

If this is a regular occurrence, her denying you sex, you guys should look into getting to the bottom of that. Open up the lines of communication, counselling if you have to. It's a big deal.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

Thound, as a man I will chime in with an answer. First, try not to show disappointment. Second, get dressed and go out somewhere and have fun. Don't tell her specifically where you're going. Don't be a jerk about it, just show her you intend to have fun with or without her.


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## keepsmiling (Nov 20, 2012)

tulsy said:


> I wouldn't turn on porn just to see what she does...I would turn on porn so that I could get myself off.
> 
> If you have needs and she's not interested, I don't see why rubbing-one-out would be a problem. I wouldn't shove it in her face...find some privacy and "take care of business". She doesn't have the right to deny you of getting yourself off, but don't rub it in her face (figuratively speaking).


That's bang on. If someone did as you suggested OP, that to me would mean they're looking for an arguement.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Yeah sneak off and do it like a shamed teenager...that's the mature response to a problem in your marital sex life.

NOT.


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

Faithful Wife said:


> Yeah sneak off and do it like a shamed teenager...that's the mature response to a problem in your marital sex life.
> 
> NOT.


Kind of my point. If your not going to meet my needs I will take care of it myself. Wouldn't need porn if she was meeting my needs. That being said I rarely look at porn. I guess I've outgrown it.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

"Wouldn't need porn if she was meeting my needs."



No one "needs" porn to masterbate.

Are you saying you cannot have adult conversations with her about sex?


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

Faithful Wife said:


> "Wouldn't need porn if she was meeting my needs."
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Nope. She will not talk about that. I think she finds it disgusting. Classic good girl.


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## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

Faithful Wife said:


> Are you saying you cannot have adult conversations with her about sex?


FW - over the years I have learnt that many women/people *never* discuss sex and if they do it's awkward and uncomfortable.

Personally I would find it bizarre that this person I desire/adore and wave the 'freak flag' for couldn't talk about sex with me.

I think it's way more common than we realise... making it pretty much impossible to resolve issues in the bedroom. I know of at least 2 couples that don't have sex and they *never* discuss it...meanwhile their marriage withers and dies!

Very sad.


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## Lyris (Mar 29, 2012)

Well, I'd say it would annoy her but it's not going to make her want to have sex with you.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

I'm always amused by the female answers of "Just talk to her" or "you need to communicate with her" as if the guy hasn't already communicated until he was blue.

I'd rub one out right beside her and roll over to crash.


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## somethingelse (Jun 20, 2012)

I would say, enjoy the porn. I'm going out


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## ginger-snap (Apr 10, 2013)

tacoma said:


> I'd rub one out right beside her and roll over to crash.


Wonder if this would work with a withholding husband...


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## Mr Blunt (Jul 18, 2012)

> Nope. She will not talk about that. I think she finds it disgusting. Classic good girl.
> 
> I'm always amused by the female answers of "Just talk to her" or "you need to communicate with her" as if the guy hasn't already communicated until he was blue.
> 
> I'd rub one out right beside her and roll over to crash.


OP, are you saying that your wife is refusing just because she is a “Classic Good girl” and will no talk about the sex problem with you? Those are the only reason that she is not having sex with you to your satisfaction?

The circumstances as to why your wife is taking her sex stance are critical to anyone trying to help you.

*What do you say are the reasons that she is refusing? *

*What does she say are the reasons?*


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

ginger-snap said:


> Wonder if this would work with a withholding husband...



Yes, yes it would work. Especially if he could watch.


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

Mr Blunt said:


> OP, are you saying that your wife is refusing just because she is a “Classic Good girl” and will no talk about the sex problem with you? Those are the only reason that she is not having sex with you to your satisfaction?
> 
> The circumstances as to why your wife is taking her sex stance are critical to anyone trying to help you.
> 
> ...


I say her reasons are because doesn't like sex with me.

She doesn't give me a reason.
To be more clear I could have sex anytime, but she would resent the hell out of it. She would be cold toward me for a day or 2. I will not force myself on anyone that doesn't want to be with me.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

Thound said:


> I say her reasons are because doesn't like sex with me.
> 
> She doesn't give me a reason.
> To be more clear I could have sex anytime, but she would resent the hell out of it. She would be cold toward me for a day or 2. I will not force myself on anyone that doesn't want to be with me.


Sounds like a deal breaker situation to me. Which means it would be worth putting it all on the line. Either she agrees to some form of meaningful therapy with a qualified psychologist (marriage and sex therapy specialists) or it is time to wish her well as you move on to someone who will meet your needs.

Alternatively, seriously and genuinely discuss with your wife you outsourcing the intimacy to another woman. A one-sided open marriage with her blessing. Though I don't see how this could work for me long term, it is an option some might consider if there are other severe complications which make divorce very undesirable for everybody (special needs children, etc).


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

Thor said:


> Sounds like a deal breaker situation to me. Which means it would be worth putting it all on the line. Either she agrees to some form of meaningful therapy with a qualified psychologist (marriage and sex therapy specialists) or it is time to wish her well as you move on to someone who will meet your needs.
> 
> Alternatively, seriously and genuinely discuss with your wife you outsourcing the intimacy to another woman. A one-sided open marriage with her blessing. Though I don't see how this could work for me long term, it is an option some might consider if there are other severe complications which make divorce very undesirable for everybody (special needs children, etc).



The only bonds I have are my honor and my vows to God and her. I wish I was a pos so that I could move on.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

ginger-snap said:


> Wonder if this would work with a withholding husband...


I'd definitely respond.

But I'm not withholding.


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## Lyris (Mar 29, 2012)

Thound said:


> The only bonds I have are my honor and my vows to God and her. I wish I was a pos so that I could move on.


People who move on from bad marriages are not POS.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

She most likely will not talk about why she does not want sex with you. She only knows that she does not. Most people are not all that much in touch with what makes them click at that level.

If you really pressed her she'd probably come up with a long list of very preceived wrong you ever did or did not do. We read about this all the time here.

Your best bet is probably for you to work on improving yourself. Your wife will either start to respond to your changes or not.

A talk with her to tell her that she needs to come to terms with what her issues are, not a long list of your 'sins' but issues that can be fixed. Then she needs to let you know what her needs are and how you can meet them. Because if she does not, this marriage is most likely over.

Give her a copy of "His Needs, Her Needs".


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Thound said:


> I have joked about this on other threads, but I wanted to get some female opinons. So here we vo. The next time my wife denies me sex Im considering flipping to the ppv porn channel to see what she does. How would you respond if your SO did this?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I haven't read all the responses here...my initial reaction to this is....I could SO easily see *ME* doing this IF I was the husband wanting it -trying to deal with a low driving wife & too much rejection..... good thing I am not a man! 

I just KNOW I'd be difficult to live with when I am horny & not getting it.



> *tacoma said* : I'm always amused by the female answers of "Just talk to her" or "you need to communicate with her" as if the guy hasn't already communicated until he was blue.
> 
> I'd rub one out right beside her and roll over to crash.


 There you go, this is good. :smthumbup:



> *EleGirl said* : She most likely will not talk about why she does not want sex with you. She only knows that she does not. Most people are not all that much in touch with what makes them click at that level.


 What a shame, but likely very true!


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

I think I am the face of all of her problems in her life. Thats just how I feel.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

Thound said:


> The only bonds I have are my honor and my vows to God and her. I wish I was a pos so that I could move on.


If you are Christian, the Bible provides for you to leave your wife if she is not holding her side of the agreement.

1 Cor 7: 1-7
1 Cor 7: 15
Ephesians 5:31


1 Cor 7 - Sexual Responsibility

Divorce

Are We Two or One? | One Flesh Marriage

What does it mean to be one flesh in a marriage?


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

Thor said:


> If you are Christian, the Bible provides for you to leave your wife if she is not holding her side of the agreement.
> 
> 1 Cor 7: 1-7
> 1 Cor 7: 15
> ...


Thanks for the reply. Funny the closeness that I desire from my wife is the same closness that the Lord wants from me I guess Im a wawc.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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