# Dig these blues....



## teewhy (Jun 9, 2012)

So, I'm wiring money this morning to my stbxw, and I'm told not to send it to our old apartment because they were evicted 3 weeks after she kicked me out. Then I get the new zip code and address because I'm also filing for D this weekend, and I find out she's shacking up with her kids' father. This is the same guy who wasn't paying child support for months because he was out of work, and it was okay because they respect him so much. (Let me be unemployed for a couple of weeks, and it's WWIII) This guy is engaged to another woman, and my stbxw (his ex basically) works from home so this woman is leaving her fiancee with his ex at home daily... My thing is, did she throw me out, and let the apartment go purposely to run back to this guy? Why the F does this make me so angry? She made me feel inadequate in regards to supporting her, but soon as I leave she goes this route? I'm a little hurt, and a little disappointed, but most of all I'm disgusted at the fact that I was just a place holder, taking care of another man's family... A rental if you will... someone she used to prove that she could be wanted after he dumped her, when in the back of her mind she was carrying a torch for this dude. Man, this sucks... wondering if I should've even been sending her money in the first place. I'm already handling the D all by myself, that's expensive enough. Oh well, living and learning I guess... Thanks to my TAMily for allowing me this vent session.... :rant:


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Vent away, honey! Anyway, it's her loss.


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## Conrad&Janie (Jul 2, 2012)

TeeWhy,

Get copy of the DVD titled "Blue Valentine"

Then come back and tell us what you see.


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## teewhy (Jun 9, 2012)

Conrad&Janie said:


> TeeWhy,
> 
> Get copy of the DVD titled "Blue Valentine"
> 
> Then come back and tell us what you see.


Okay, I'll do that Conrad... or Janie.... lol not sure but will do and I'll let you know!


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## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

Teewhy -- do you have any kids together, or are they hers (theirs)? If you don't, then I don't see why you should be sending her money, except out of the goodness of your heart. If you're out of work and paying for the divorce, then you shouldn't do anymore IMHO.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Why are you sending money to your Ex?


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## teewhy (Jun 9, 2012)

We don't have any kids together... I don't have any kids at all and the 2 boys (17 and 19) are theirs... I gave my word when I left that I'd do my part in helping on any bills we shared, plus the dog was kinda like our kid together (it was hers initially, but I took care of it) so I guess you can say it was a peace of mind type of deal and making sure my dog was okay. Pix, I do have income because I receive full time pay from my GI Bill while I'm in school, I also referee basketball games part time for extra money... Tacoma, to be honest I'm not sure WHY I sent money, but I guess it's the whole "Mr. Nice Guy" thing biting me in the arse... Dunno, but what's done is done now. I'm finished.


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

*hugs* TY.

Lamaga is right - it's her loss!!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Conrad&Janie (Jul 2, 2012)

tacoma said:


> Why are you sending money to your Ex?


He's paying her to leave him.


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## ImStillHere (Apr 25, 2012)

teewhy said:


> I gave my word when I left that I'd do my part in helping on any bills we shared


You've given her money per your word. But now she is no longer your responsibility. Don't send her any more money.


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## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

Totally agree, ImStillHere. I'm sorry she's treating you so badly, teewhy, but her choice to go back to her ex lets you out of your promise.


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## teewhy (Jun 9, 2012)

:iagree:
lol, @Conrad&Janie more like paying her to leave me (alone)... Trust she won't see another dime y'all... I appreciate the love Yin, Lamaga, & everyone else... I'm good... I was just issed: @ the whole situation and I'd rather write it here than in an e-mail...


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## teewhy (Jun 9, 2012)

angelpixie said:


> Totally agree, ImStillHere. I'm sorry she's treating you so badly, teewhy, but her choice to go back to her ex lets you out of your promise.


You're right pix.. and it makes filing for the D a whole lot easier for me too!


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Conrad&Janie said:


> He's paying her to leave him.


Sounds like money well spent but she already left.

Stop making payments, you`re being over charged.


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## teewhy (Jun 9, 2012)

Okay, so I just got an e-mail from the stbxw telling me that her kid's father is butting heads with the boys (big surprise, huh?), but unlike me he is violent and almost hit one with a stick today. She says she was talking to his fiancee about it and supposedly dude is bipolar, but they're not "used" to that violent atmosphere. Big effing deal right? But I'm still feeling that "save the day" emotion coming on and I really don't know what to do with what I'm feeling. A small part of me is like, "well, that's what you put me out for... there's a common denominator in the fact that your son's disrespect is intolerable", but most of me is just thinking about her, and what if he touches her... I don't want to act on emotion, and I definitely don't want to get in the middle of that drama, but I'm still in "protect her" mode and I'm all confused with my thoughts and feelings right about now... I feel silly for even dealing with this, but I can't help it! I had to post this to get it off my chest and to hopefully get a little feedback... I was doing pretty good about not worrying about her until this. The crazy part about it is, I'm only worried for my stbxw, and our dog... not the boys. (what's that about?) Maybe because she's a woman, and can't physically match up with that dude if she had to. I know one thing... I'm gonna lose a couple hrs of sleep that I was looking forward to tonight. This sucks!


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## ImStillHere (Apr 25, 2012)

One more time...she is no longer your responsibility. Let her go.

It's an unfortunate situation with the kids' father. But if she is so concerned about his treatment of the boys, then she can get a restraining order and/or call the police.


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## teewhy (Jun 9, 2012)

ImStillHere said:


> It's an unfortunate situation with the kids' father. But if she is so concerned about his treatment of the boys, then she can get a restraining order and/or call the police.


I hear you, but is that possible if she's living at his house?


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## ImStillHere (Apr 25, 2012)

teewhy said:


> I hear you, but is that possible if she's living at his house?


Not sure as this is not my area of expertise. However, since she moved in with _him_, maybe this is a sign that she needs to get out ASAP before any permanent damage is done. 

Still, it's not your job anymore to help her. She made her bed...


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## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

It shows you're a good guy that you care about her getting hurt, teewhy. But, unfortunately, even though she was with such a good guy, she made the asinine choice to go back to someone that not only puts her in danger, but her kids as well. They aren't really 'kids' anymore (17 & 19, you said), so they should be able to fend for themselves somewhat, but a mom shouldn't put her kids in harm's way no matter the age. Especially from their own dad. 

She needs to hit bottom before she sees this, unfortunately. And do I understand this correctly: the guy she went back to is engaged to someone else? They are both nuts!


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## teewhy (Jun 9, 2012)

In response to Pix... Yup, she claims his fiancee extended their home to her as he only wanted to let the kids stay... but I guess he's sick of them already! lol They are a little nuts if you ask me, and I'm mad at myself for getting emotionally involved. You are right about her sons, they are not kids, and I'm sure they are not innocent in all of this. I'm in transition as well and I just don't want to delay my progress trying to help her. At the same time, I do want to help her. If that guy touches my dog (lab mix, that is not really my dog anymore but I have a soft spot for her), I'm gonna lose it y'all....

ISH, I do understand what you're saying and I appreciate it! Thank you both...


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## GTdad (Aug 15, 2011)

teewhy said:


> At the same time, I do want to help her.


I understand the feeling, TY, but she fired you from that gig.


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## jh52 (Apr 29, 2012)

TY -- hope the situation settles down -- and you can concentrate and think of TY only !!!


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## teewhy (Jun 9, 2012)

jh52 said:


> TY -- hope the situation settles down -- and you can concentrate and think of TY only !!!


Thanks JH52, I know... I'm sure there's a selfish part of me that just wants to do whatever to get their whole situation behind me.


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## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

teewhy said:


> Thanks JH52, I know... I'm sure there's *a selfish part of me that just wants to do whatever to get their whole situation behind me.*


That's not selfish to want this behind you, but you just need to do it in the way that's healthiest for you.


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## Conrad&Janie (Jul 2, 2012)

teewhy,

You're not in the club.

Enjoy your freedom from it.

If it wasn't him, it would be you.

Think of it this way. That money you just wired?

You're now paying her to live with her ex.

You really are a nice guy.


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## teewhy (Jun 9, 2012)

Yeah C&J, she has no car so she says the money I sent will help her get a used car she's buying from her coworker, and from there she'll try to move out with what's left over.. I don't know. Well, at least there are no 2x4's involved this time...


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## Conrad&Janie (Jul 2, 2012)

teewhy said:


> Yeah C&J, she has no car so she says the money I sent will help her get a used car she's buying from her coworker, and from there she'll try to move out with what's left over.. I don't know. Well, at least there are no 2x4's involved this time...


I used them all up on OVS

But, if you send another dime, I'll find more.


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