# walking out after a row



## Sarah Michelle (Feb 28, 2012)

Hey guys id like your opinions and advice on walking out after a row...

My parter & i had a row earlier, i have not been very well latly have been down with a bug... 
i snapped at him for being insenitive & moaning at me about having to do a few things around the house...
when i tried to apologise he didnt want to have non of it & said he didnt want to talk to me.

I tried to sort things out with him & he screamed in my face going mad & i said come on that is not really a good way to talk to me is it? he got his coat on and left taking his wallet, phone and keys... I have herd nothing, i dont no where he is, where he has gone, i rang him a few times after he left & txt him asking him to let me no where he was as i was worried but he has nt replied and has now turned his phone off...

Im just so confussed, why has he done this? is this acceptabe behavour do you think? i can understand needing time to cool off, but no contact? i dont get it x please help x


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Why did you apologize? You're sick. he should do stuff around the house. Sorry you're sick...I've had the flu all weekend and today...hubs has been taking good care of me, as should yours. but you did nothing wrong...don't apologize just because HE threw a fit.

Do you suspect him of cheating? He could be doing this--- starting fights and storming out--- to go to her. If you call, would he answer?


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## Sarah Michelle (Feb 28, 2012)

sorry to hear your ill i am aswell its horrible aye  I apologised because i called him a horrid swear word name which i felt guilty about after, but i called him it because i asked him if he would pop out and get me something to eat from our local take away... 2mins walk no need to even drive & he had the hump about doing that! basicly i asked what the food was like from there as i couldnt remember and he said im not driving anywhere else... so i said you no what just forget it, i didnt even ask you to drive anywhere else just forget it... you such a .... you no im not well

He said before he left if you ever talk to me like that again we are finished! but he screamed in my face prior when i tried to apologise and was so mad and had his fists clenched i actualy for a moment was worried what may have happend...

Then he left... I have called & txt asking him to let me no where he is and if his ok... but no replys and after 40 mins of leaving his phone was off and has been off since...

I dont think his cheating no, he has a bad temper latly & he has very insenstive & selfish streaks to his personality but makes effort to reconise this 

Im just so shocked his ignored me. not told me where he is. I dont no what to say when he decides to turn up x


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Oh, well, in that case, just stop trying to contact him and go relax. take some meds and a bath and go to bed. That's my plan when Hubs gets home.

BTW, where are you from? Your slang is fabulous


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## Sarah Michelle (Feb 28, 2012)

lol slang? sorry my spelling is so bad.x


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## Lionelhutz (Feb 2, 2012)

From what you have said it certainly sounds like an over-reaction. However,just like you he may have reasons for acting out. Is there is a history of talking to him in a demeaning way?

But as a said, based on your description his anger you should address that as an issue when things calm down

I have never left the house in a fit.


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## cloudwithleggs (Oct 13, 2011)

I also do not understand why you felt compelled to apologise, now i do you called him names, not nice however unwell you are. And not the right thing to do at all.

He left to cool down you should of just let him be, sometimes space is good.

At a better time you do need to explain to him how his behaviour made you feel, then you need to listen to his, keep it calm.


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## CantSitStill (Feb 7, 2012)

Well if I were you I'd say good LEAVE I don't need your big mouth making me feel worse. I wouldn't call and check on him because that is exactly what he wants..it's like you're letting him win..Shoot if he treats you that way again tell him to leave so you can have some peace.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Sarah Michelle (Feb 28, 2012)

All great advice x Thank you. I am confussed with how i should be when he turns up, although i shouldnt have called him this name do you not think he has taken this to far to leave the family home and even let me no where he has gone for the night? so who should be apologetic? or should nothing be mentioned & just greet each other when he is back because i will have questions such like, where did you stay? why didnt you let me no? why did you choose to stay out all night ect ect... 

We are both quite simular so sometimes we can talk a little bad to each other but this is something we have reconised and have worked on really well x we spend alot of time with each other to, but failing our row tonight we have a great relationship


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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

Sarah Michelle said:


> sorry to hear your ill i am aswell its horrible aye  I apologised because i called him a horrid swear word name which i felt guilty about after, but i called him it because i asked him if he would pop out and get me something to eat from our local take away... 2mins walk no need to even drive & he had the hump about doing that! basicly i asked what the food was like from there as i couldnt remember and he said im not driving anywhere else... so i said you no what just forget it, i didnt even ask you to drive anywhere else just forget it... you such a .... you no im not well


Might not be the popular vote, but here is what I am going to say. You say you called him a horrid swear name. Then you say "BUT" which makes me think this is a problem that has happened more than once or twice. 

Speaking to your spouse with disrespect is unacceptable. That applies to both of you. Sick or not. You pulled the trigger by speaking to him disrespectfully, so I would think maybe instead of calling him and trying to pin down where he is, you need to sit there and think about how you speak/treat each other and get some advice on how to do it better.


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## Sarah Michelle (Feb 28, 2012)

i cant argue with that at all its a very fair point. Hence why i tried to apologise to him. It was just hurfull at the time being unwell having him be so grumpy about doing something so little for me when i do everything for him. I snapped, i tried to apologise, it went wrong


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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

Sarah Michelle said:


> i cant argue with that at all its a very fair point. Hence why i tried to apologise to him. It was just hurfull at the time being unwell having him be so grumpy about doing something so little for me when i do everything for him. I snapped, i tried to apologise, it went wrong


Anyone can find a reason to speak disrespectfully to their spouse. Reasons are everywhere. In no way am I saying anything you did was worse than what he did, just that your tone with him sparked the battle. 

Sit down and think. Think about how you didn't appreciate his speaking to you when he was screaming. Then realize he feels the same when you call him names/snap. 

If it were me, I think I would be organizing my thoughts, and coming up with some ideas on how to handle it better for the both of you. ( if we fight and you feel the need to walk away, can we take a time out for half an hour and then approach the discussion after we have both calmed down).


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Sarah Michelle said:


> lol slang? sorry my spelling is so bad.x


No, it's not your spelling, it's your choice of words.

Row
Hump
etc.

England?


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## Sarah Michelle (Feb 28, 2012)

oh lol x yes i am from england. hehe sorry about that x where are you from?...

Yes dawn i believe you are right, i want to fix this. Do you think his likly to call it a day, i no thats probley a daft question.


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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

Sarah Michelle said:


> oh lol x yes i am from england. hehe sorry about that x where are you from?...
> 
> Yes dawn i believe you are right, i want to fix this. Do you think his likly to call it a day, i no thats probley a daft question.


I have no idea. Is this a common thing in your relationship? I do think once you are both calmed down, that you will have a very good opportunity to talk and sort through what changes should occur. And I bet the people here could give you some wonderful ways to approach that.


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## Sarah Michelle (Feb 28, 2012)

i have this topic in another thread to and posted this earlier .... a little more info...


im 24 his 35, i no im being ridiculous probley i just feel really down about it all atm. We always say we will never sleep on a row & this happens & he doesnt even contact me i just think its so harsh. But yes your right i should just let him be. Thing is i guess im worried as he put us on a 2 week break in december we went from being happy or so i thought to him one morning packing all his stuff up & walking out saying he didnt love me, and alot of horrible things. He didnt give me any proper reasons & didnt want any contact with me for 2 weeks then we met up and he basicly told me how it was going to be if i wanted us to stay together! but since then we have both been good & he has been great to me since but it always stayed in the back of my mind hmm i wonder if he'l walk out again... i told him how i felt about it and his done it again tonight


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## Sarah Michelle (Feb 28, 2012)

No not really, we went through a rough patch of rowing, he is very selfish & can be very insensitve where as i am very sensitive & completly un selfish... but we have worked through our problems which i dont think were major, the problem is im worried is he going to leave the house or put us on a break everytime we have a row or something gets abit bumpy... i thought the idea of sharing a life with someone is comunicating and compromising & genuinly caring and loving that person not quitting an walking out...


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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

Okay, but tell me from your perspective this:

Why do you think he called it off for those two weeks? What was going on in the relationship? Were you two speaking to each other in the same manner? Did you both agree that he would not walk out and leave the area during a fight??


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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

Sarah Michelle said:


> No not really, we went through a rough patch of rowing, he is very selfish & can be very insensitve where as i am very sensitive & completly un selfish... but we have worked through our problems which i dont think were major, the problem is im worried is he going to leave the house or put us on a break everytime we have a row or something gets abit bumpy... i thought the idea of sharing a life with someone is comunicating and compromising & genuinly caring and loving that person not quitting an walking out...


the hard part about "selfish" and "insensitive" is that it is all about that persons perception. I am told all the time I am insensitive because I tend to focus more on logic and reasoning for most things. Not everything, but a good amount of them. 

You have a very valid concern with his level of commitment to you. Is communication where you both seem to be struggling?


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## Sarah Michelle (Feb 28, 2012)

He said i was jealous... which wasnt the case... that was his excuse, he is a online gamer may i add leading up to the break he kept talking about a new game that was coming out that hed been waiting for its release for 5 years... 

im very laid back and easy with the gaming, i see it as his not down the pub or out running mad with his mates if you get what i mean so im not moany about him playing it at all.

He put us on the break and went to his parents where he sat and played it for 2weeks strait he has a very obsesive personality... i new it was for the game why he done it, but he couldnt say that because it would have just been ridiculous... 

He wanted to play it without any disruptions, having to go on school runs, washing up, shopping anything... During that time i did see him a few times as we work at the same place, he told me that had to be onhest but he didnt have time for me now his game was out, i was old and this was new. It was a very bad time for me, when i told him how it all made me feel he didnt care or show any remorse at one point he saw me out and left me in the rain noing id had my money stolen and had no way to get home...


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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

Sarah Michelle said:


> He wanted to play it without any disruptions, having to go on school runs, washing up, shopping anything... During that time i did see him a few times as we work at the same place, he told me that had to be onhest but he didnt have time for me now his game was out, i was old and this was new. It was a very bad time for me, when i told him how it all made me feel he didnt care or show any remorse at one point he saw me out and left me in the rain noing id had my money stolen and had no way to get home...


Is that what you want for yourself? I doubt that it will get better with time, probably only worse. Do you see yourself being totally and completely in love with a man who would choose a video game over you?

Are you genuinely happy in this relationship??


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## Sarah Michelle (Feb 28, 2012)

He is always right, never ever wrong... i mean insensitive in this sence... once i was in hospital very ill was kept in for a week on a observation ward... i had a very bad infection wasnt aloud to go to the loo alone incase i hemeraged, constantly on a drip & was on 26 tablets a day while i was in there & for 6 weeks after leaving hospital. 

At the time i didnt want to tell my family i was in hospital as i didnt want to cause worry there was alot going on at the time, so i kept it quiet just a friend and ofc him... i asked him if he would come and sit with me for the day as id been getting very down in there & his response was i cant im watching football tomarrow!

I actualy couldnt believe it but thought, like hell he wont come in an see me he nos how ill i am, he never showed... The day i was discharged he told me '' thats good aye your out now and you can go back to work tomarrow!'' thats what i mean by insensitive x


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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

Sarah Michelle said:


> He is always right, never ever wrong... i mean insensitive in this sence... once i was in hospital very ill was kept in for a week on a observation ward... i had a very bad infection wasnt aloud to go to the loo alone incase i hemeraged, constantly on a drip & was on 26 tablets a day while i was in there & for 6 weeks after leaving hospital.
> 
> At the time i didnt want to tell my family i was in hospital as i didnt want to cause worry there was alot going on at the time, so i kept it quiet just a friend and ofc him... i asked him if he would come and sit with me for the day as id been getting very down in there & his response was i cant im watching football tomarrow!
> 
> I actualy couldnt believe it but thought, like hell he wont come in an see me he nos how ill i am, he never showed... The day i was discharged he told me '' thats good aye your out now and you can go back to work tomarrow!'' thats what i mean by insensitive x


 Do you know why you are still with him?? Almost everything you have said about him would be a deal breaker for me. Can you honestly tell me you want to be "last" in your SO's life? Last priority, last concern, etc, etc


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## Sarah Michelle (Feb 28, 2012)

i would say communication is a problem, he can never be wrong & he never likes talking about things his done that are selfish and unkind he just responds im great and im just moaning, very unappreative at times too. Without sounding like a big head alot of people say to him how on earth did you get a girl like that, iv done alot of modeling but to me looks are completly irrelavent i love him and i want to spend the rest of my life with him its heart breaking to see and hear how he acts sometimes & that we cant talk with out him getting the hump. He has now started to realise how he acts & makes an effort to realise how his behaving but him walking out tonight im just so shocked over really i thought we had reached a better place where he could say... please dont talk to me like that i really dont like it... you no talk and accept my apology not do this x

I just dont no what to expect tomarrow, he may come back and be sorry for screaming at me and leaving & we will talk and be stronger or he will come back and be stuborn expect me to say sorry and it be swept under the rug so i dont no what to do x


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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

Sarah Michelle said:


> i would say communication is a problem, he can never be wrong & he never likes talking about things his done that are selfish and unkind he just responds im great and im just moaning, very unappreative at times too. Without sounding like a big head alot of people say to him how on earth did you get a girl like that, iv done alot of modeling but to me looks are completly irrelavent i love him and i want to spend the rest of my life with him its heart breaking to see and hear how he acts sometimes & that we cant talk with out him getting the hump. He has now started to realise how he acts & makes an effort to realise how his behaving but him walking out tonight im just so shocked over really i thought we had reached a better place where he could say... please dont talk to me like that i really dont like it... you no talk and accept my apology not do this x
> 
> I just dont no what to expect tomarrow, he may come back and be sorry for screaming at me and leaving & we will talk and be stronger or he will come back and be stuborn expect me to say sorry and it be swept under the rug so i dont no what to do x



Is that enough? Him coming home and apologizing? I know you love him dearly, but based on what you have told us here, it doesn't appear that the feeling is mutual. Have you considered that his treatment of you overall is unacceptable? What attracted you to him/ or attracts you to him??


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## Sarah Michelle (Feb 28, 2012)

No i dont, i want to be everything to him like he is everything to me, i made a commitment to him to spend the rest of my life with him. I guess thats why i hold on and think you have to take the good with the bad but i dont no why he acts and does the things he does when he has something so good


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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

Sarah Michelle said:


> No i dont, i want to be everything to him like he is everything to me, i made a commitment to him to spend the rest of my life with him. I guess thats why i hold on and think you have to take the good with the bad but i dont no why he acts and does the things he does when he has something so good


I agree that commitment is serious, and that you have to accept the good and the bad about someone. 

It would appear that he does not feel as strongly as you, and that is where the problem lies. I am going to ask a hypothetical question( which I hate doing) but lets just explore it.

Here it is: Suppose he came home tomorrow and you were gone with all of your things. What do you think he would do?


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

He sounds like a child. 35 and playing a game for 2 weeks without distraction? 

Ew. Is this what you want!?!


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## Sarah Michelle (Feb 28, 2012)

tbh i dont really no whats acceptable and what isnt anymore, sometimes when i think i no and think hold on a minute this isnt right an i try to talk to him about it he will make it sound like im the one in the wrong or he only did that becuase he was reacting to me. I say that to him, if you love me how can you do that, like tonight im thinking if i really was this guys world he would have dropped me a little txt to say il speak to you tomarrow im at bla blas, just to put my mind at ease i would do the same to him even if he didnt ring me. I just loved him as soon as i met him literlay, i guess not strait away but it didnt take long i just loved everything about him which in the begining made me a door matt tbh


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## Sarah Michelle (Feb 28, 2012)

great question and you no i would love to do that! trouble is theres a housefull alot to take, or maybe your just meaning some of my stuff. Hmm its a tricky one, i dont really no, how he has been with me latly i wouldnt have expecte him to walk out he brought me flowers earlier today for being grumpy! so id say he would ring me and wonder where i am... but after tonight, walking out, not ansawing his phone, not replying to my txts, then turning his phones off i really dont no probley nothing


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

He sounds like a jerk.


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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

I am trying not to upset you too much, because I know I am pushing and you are already having a tough night. 

From the outside looking in, it would seem as you are in love with someone who doesn't want to be alone, but doesn't necessarily want to be accountable and considerate to you and your needs. So he has the best of both worlds right now. He has you at home, and he is guessing you will forget about this row. He can drop you like a hot rock when video games come out because he wants to dedicate all his time to them. He doesn't show you any compassion, care, love even. 

How do you see yourself? Do you see yourself as valuable and worth fighting for and keeping?


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## Sarah Michelle (Feb 28, 2012)

Its fine i want people to be onhest and in situations like this sometimes you cant see the woods from the trees. so all the advice and onhesty is good. Thank you, i appreate it alot. Yes i want him to fight for me & realise what he has got. x


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Most likely he won't fight for you until you are no longer there at his whim.

Or he may not fight at all.

He's 35 and just spent 2 weeks playing a game.  does he not work?!


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## Sarah Michelle (Feb 28, 2012)

He works nights, part time. ahhh i feel horrible like i dont no him at all atm, he nos by not contacting me il be down about it, me personaly dont have that kind of behavour in me, i am very loving soul x


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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

Sarah Michelle said:


> He works nights, part time. ahhh i feel horrible like i dont no him at all atm, he nos by not contacting me il be down about it, me personaly dont have that kind of behavour in me, i am very loving soul x


Is it possible you are in love with the idea of what he could be and not what he is?? In reality honey, it doesn't appear that he cares all that much about you. Keep in mind I don' know either of you, so I could be way off base. BUT (hahaha) I see this being a roommate with the benefit of sex for him. I hope that isn't the case, but it looks pretty likely.


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