# onestly, have you stayed in a bad marriage due to finances?



## STORMCHASER (Dec 13, 2011)

Just curious as to how many actually do stay in a bad marriage due to not being able to support themselves?

A female with 3 kids in a marriage over 25 years (depending of state laws) could live comfortably with receiving child support, spousal support/alimony, financial agreements regarding what % she gets of his investments/life insurance, etc, etc.


I know I will get mixed reviews but am curious of the pros and cons.


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## katiecrna (Jan 29, 2016)

Why don’t you get a job?


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## STORMCHASER (Dec 13, 2011)

katiecrna said:


> Why don’t you get a job?


Instead of being so judgmental, why don't you ask instead of just presuming that I don't?

Plus, with this being the Ladies Lounge or SUPPOSED to be, I am looking for ladies who can relate to the topic.


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## katiecrna (Jan 29, 2016)

STORMCHASER said:


> Instead of being so judgmental, why don't you ask instead of just presuming that I don't?
> 
> 
> 
> Plus, with this being the Ladies Lounge or SUPPOSED to be, I am looking for ladies who can relate to the topic.




Sorry. My stbxh worked over 100hrs a weeks and I rarely saw him so I do relate to this topic.


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## STORMCHASER (Dec 13, 2011)

katiecrna said:


> Sorry. My stbxh worked over 100hrs a weeks and I rarely saw him so I do relate to this topic.


With that out of the way, how long did you stay in the marriage due to finances? Did you get a better education? Find a sugar daddy? Take him to the "cleaners" so-to-speak? What was the final straw that made you finally say "money doesn't matter and living at the salvation army shelter doesn't look so bad after all"? But then again, you say your soon to be ex so your not there yet technically, correct?


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## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

STORMCHASER said:


> With that out of the way, how long did you stay in the marriage due to finances? Did you get a better education? Find a sugar daddy? Take him to the "cleaners" so-to-speak? What was the final straw that made you finally say "money doesn't matter and living at the salvation army shelter doesn't look so bad after all"? But then again, you say your soon to be ex so your not there yet te9chnically, correct?


She is a nurse. She left her marriage with nothing. She is rebuilding her life on her own.


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## katiecrna (Jan 29, 2016)

STORMCHASER said:


> With that out of the way, how long did you stay in the marriage due to finances? Did you get a better education? Find a sugar daddy? Take him to the "cleaners" so-to-speak? What was the final straw that made you finally say "money doesn't matter and living at the salvation army shelter doesn't look so bad after all"? But then again, you say your soon to be ex so your not there yet technically, correct?




I supported my husband. He is trying to take me to the cleaners. I got educated because it was a goal of mine way before our marriage was in trouble. I tried To make it work because I loved him despite not being his priority. In the end he filed for divorce not me. 

You sound lazy and ungrateful. Sorry.


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## I shouldnthave (Apr 11, 2018)

I think I was about 9 years old when my dad gave me my first piece of relationship advice:

"Never expect a man to take care of you"

And I took that to heart, and never have.

So no, I have never stayed in a bad relationship due to finances. I have always made sure that I can stand on my own two feet. I am with my husband because I want to be, but I absolutely do not NEED to be.

And I am so glad for that, when people are together out of necessity rather than desire to be, it opens up the relationship for all sorts of skewed power dynamics and other negative things.


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## STORMCHASER (Dec 13, 2011)

katiecrna said:


> I supported my husband. He is trying to take me to the cleaners. I got educated because it was a goal of mine way before our marriage was in trouble. I tried To make it work because I loved him despite not being his priority. In the end he filed for divorce not me.
> 
> You sound lazy and ungrateful. Sorry.



If your husband was working 100hrs like you SAY he SUPPOSEDLY was, then why were you the one supporting him? Sorry but your the one that sounds ungrateful and....well, we will leave it at that..have a great night and I am glad you got out of your situation!


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## katiecrna (Jan 29, 2016)

STORMCHASER said:


> If your husband was working 100hrs like you SAY he SUPPOSEDLY was, then why were you the one supporting him? Sorry but your the one that sounds ungrateful and....well, we will leave it at that..have a great night and I am glad you got out of your situation!




Because he was a resident... a Cardiothoracic surgery resident.


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## STORMCHASER (Dec 13, 2011)

brooklynAnn said:


> She is a nurse. She left her marriage with nothing. She is rebuilding her life on her own.


Thanks for that info, for you can only go on what they are willing or NOT willing to tell you


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## STORMCHASER (Dec 13, 2011)

katiecrna said:


> Because he was a resident... a Cardiothoracic surgery resident.


And again, I am glad you are happier now that you got out of your situation!


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## Red Sonja (Sep 8, 2012)

OP, you came here for help I presume. Attacking people and being defensive is not helping you in that goal.


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## STORMCHASER (Dec 13, 2011)

I shouldnthave said:


> I think I was about 9 years old when my dad gave me my first piece of relationship advice:
> 
> "Never expect a man to take care of you"
> 
> ...


My father said the same thing and as to why I was a career woman first before anything else. Married later in life at 38 and then unfortunate circumstances left me with few choices as far as work goes. 

Count your blessings, for I was in your shoes until not to long ago. I never stayed in a bad relationship due to finances until this situation arose. Ya never know what can happen so keep that in the back of your mind.


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## I shouldnthave (Apr 11, 2018)

Ok, I am going to ask a few more questions so that we can hopefully give you some constructive advice.

How old are you?

How long have you been married?

Do you have any marketable job skills?

So you have any savings or personal finances?

Do you have family you can move in with etc for a new start?

What is the extent of your disability. Can you work? If you had a skill would you be able to work enough to support yourself?

Have you ever supported yourself?

To fill your time, what are you physically able to do? 

Do you have many friends or social connections in your area?


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## STORMCHASER (Dec 13, 2011)

Red Sonja said:


> OP, you came here for help I presume. Attacking people and being defensive is not helping you in that goal.


I did actually, and got some answers not only here but from other forums.

And for your information, I think you have me mixed up with someone else, for I was not doing the attacking, but I was defending myself when being called lazy and ungrateful. I guess you missed that part, eh?

Thanks for your concern though


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## I shouldnthave (Apr 11, 2018)

STORMCHASER said:


> My father said the same thing and as to why I was a career woman first before anything else. Married later in life at 38 and then unfortunate circumstances left me with few choices as far as work goes.


Do you not qualify for long term disability? Do you two own your home? Did you use personal funds to invest in it?

How long have you been out of work?


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## STORMCHASER (Dec 13, 2011)

I shouldnthave said:


> Do you not qualify for long term disability? Do you two own your home? Did you use personal funds to invest in it?
> 
> How long have you been out of work?


No I do not qualify

I own the home

As I have mentioned several times, I am not out of work, for I work part time.

I am going offline for a bit and revisit later. Thanks for all of those who posted


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## I shouldnthave (Apr 11, 2018)

Okay, you need to explain to us, why it is that you own a home, have a careeer history (I am assuming marketable skills?), are able to work part time, yet are staying in a bad marriage due to finances.

My mother was in a similar position once upon a time, but she did not own a home, and they were not married.

After working many years she became disabled, and reliant upon insurance benefits.

Her relationship deteriorated to the point her live in partner of 10 years had her evicted. My brother and I picked up the bills that were beyond her income capacity to pay - and found her housing.

My word of caution would be to not allow yourself to get into such a vulnerable situation.

I can't really figure out what yours is. Disabled, but not enough for disability. Can work, but only part time and not enough to support yourself, yet do not qualify for partial disability. Have job history and skills, but again can't support yourself. Home owner (with equity?) but yet again, I guess you do not have enough assests to liquidate to support yourself?

Is your husband on title on the house? Did you buy it pre or post marriage?

To me, the logical answer would be to get out of a bad marriage - sounds like you should have some avenues for that.


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