# Facebook strikes again!



## solitudeseeker (May 1, 2011)

Ah, the horrors of Facebook. I am no longer "friends" with my husband, and have not been for a few months. He is a relentless updater however, taking photos and blabbing about where he is and who he is with and what he is doing five hundred times a day. Most of the time I manage to do a pretty good job of avoiding his stuff, until the other night.

The problem is when he puts up photos, he "tags" the people he is with - people I am "friends" with on Facebook too. And therein lies my current dilemma. I was looking at a friend's page and up popped this photo. There was my ex, hanging out and having fun one evening with my oldest girlfriend from third grade, her husband, and a couple of other people. My friend's husband over the years has become good pals with my ex, and it is to be expected that they would continue to get together.

I could perhaps deal with this picture with some degree of equanimity - after all I told them they didn't have to choose between us - but what sent me into an emotional tailspin was that the photo was taken just three days after I had moved out of our house in mid-July. 

During that week, I spent most of the time sitting on the floor of my empty apartment sobbing my eyes out. It was the worst week of my life. I thought at times that I would not survive it.

The knowledge that my husband was out having fun with my oldest friend at the exact moment that I was occupied with trying not to kill myself has left me feeling really hurt. I had told her all that had happened over the past two years - of his extramarital affairs and the theft of the equity line and the mental cruelty. She knew I had moved out. And yet there she was, hanging out with him that night. She didn't check in with me to see how I was doing until several weeks after I had moved into the apartment. 

She didn't really do anything wrong. I'm not even sure my ex did anything wrong, except to display that he was obviously feeling a whole lot better than I was that week.

But it hurts. I feel like a emotional baby right now. I don't know what to do regarding my friendship with her, except that I fear that she is no longer someone I can confide in regarding the breakup. It feels like she is something else my husband has taken away from me.

I have made the decision to withdraw from Facebook for a while. I need to protect myself from being exposed to any more photos that can hurt me while I am still feeling so raw. If you were in my position, would you say something to your friend, or would you let it go?


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

I would block my husband. Go to his page and click on the block button. 

As far as your friend goes....that was crappy behaviour, IMO.


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## JuicyJellybean (Sep 18, 2011)

I have had a similar facebook problem after a break up and my advice would be to not only refrain from using facebook for a while but get a trusted friend to change your password and tell them to not allow you back on until they think you are ready


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## Set me FREE (Sep 5, 2011)

I un-friended my husband and almost everyone associated with him...and just recently un-friended my stepson and MIL because everything that I was posting was being shown to my husband and OW...nonsense posts..not even negative posts. 

Glad I did though..MIL was congratulating OW for moving into a home with my husband before I kicked him out of this one.

I have one friend through stbxh, that really took offense to his behavior and was letting me know all of the insane posts OW was making(claiming that they were married and living together)...stbxh/OW proceeded to un-friend her out of concern that I would gain information about them.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Facebook is so stupid.

lol.

We are all slaves.


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## Set me FREE (Sep 5, 2011)

that_girl said:


> Facebook is so stupid.
> 
> lol.
> 
> We are all slaves.


I have a problem with it. But also have a group of friends from H.S. that swooped in to prop me up as soon as I mentioned the break up in a post. It's been nice to have people check on me, to make sure I am ok.


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## Sakaye (Feb 15, 2011)

Social networking sites can be detrimental in a situation like this. It is best to just cut off for a long while. Your heart is broken sweetheart, and you will always see or hear something when on there. And you know, I was in a similar situation a while back. My husband first wanted a divorce when I was 6mos. pregnant and he cut me off. We had a long distance relationship at that time. Soon after, my husband had been tagged in tons of photos where he went hiking with other women, was out at clubs with other women, and I fell apart. I never felt so betrayed. Friends of ours, friends that were MY friends first were posting on his wall things like "If you gotta move on, just do it, we support you!" and all kinds of other bull****. I almost lost my baby from all of the stress and anxiety. FB is fun, but not right now. And now that I'm going through this with him again, I decided that I would cut myself off entirely because I was driving myself nuts. I also tell friends and family not to update me on his fb things. It took a lot of effort to deactivate that account, and a lot more to keep from re-activating it. But it's best right now. It's one thing that has really helped. Trust me, I was and sometimes am you, sitting in my new appt with our baby crying my eyeballs out, while he goes and has a good time, meets and talks to people nonchalantly. The hardest part for me is that I'm part of a small community, no one knows we're getting divorced, aside from a small handful of people, incl. family. So most people think we're living together and happily married. But you'll get better. I've recently started going to counseling for myself. My biggest epiphany to date? I cannot control what he does, but I can control me. So I cannot keep worrying about what he's doing, who he's seeing or what he's saying.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Sakaye (Feb 15, 2011)

-got cut off, dang mobile posting and character limits!!
Anyways, like I said. I can control me, as you can only control you. I know its hard, its definitely far more easily said than done because after all we are just human, and normally, most of us can't detach from someone we once loved so harsh and quick. Time is needed, one day at a time. Keep the hours in your day filled. Do something for you now, go out, get your hair done, get some new shoes, or join a gym. I've recently started taking college courses to fill my time, amongst other things, and exercise has been greatly theraputic. In the beginning it was so hard, but after each day it gets a little better. Stay strong. I'll try to too, and we'll be better people for it in the end. Take good care!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

that_girl said:


> Facebook is so stupid.
> 
> lol.
> 
> We are all slaves.


:iagree::iagree::iagree:

I agree. I have nothing to do with facebook. I have seen so much senseless drama come out of it. Its just nutz. To easy to misread someones intentions that are placed in text. Impossible to correctly interpret tone inflection and nuance.


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## Sakaye (Feb 15, 2011)

Stonewall said:


> :iagree::iagree::iagree:
> 
> I agree. I have nothing to do with facebook. I have seen so much senseless drama come out of it. Its just nutz. To easy to misread someones intentions that are placed in text. Impossible to correctly interpret tone inflection and nuance.


This is also why I despise email/text/IM communication. Its so easy to be taken out of context. 
Bravo!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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