# I messed up



## liah (Jun 8, 2011)

SO I messaged my BF's ex wife on her FB cause I have always been curious as to what happened to their relationship. He will not tell me, and I just want to make sure I am not getting into something I can not handle. Before you all tell me...I KNOW it was childish and WRONG. Anyways, I think she called him, cause he will not return any of my calls or texts now. So we are basically broke up cause I did that. We were supposed to get married and all, now I feel SO bad. Should I go to his house and get my stuff or just not have any contact? I am at a total loss


----------



## richards (Jun 22, 2011)

If he's not willing to tell you why they broke up then he's probably hiding something from you. Maybe it's a blessing in disguise. And by the way FB is bad news when it comes to relationships. People you hardly ever knew pop out of the wood work and you friend them for some crazy reason. Let me give you some advice about FB and relationships, get rid of it. Or if you have to be on FB only friend people that are really your friends.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## liah (Jun 8, 2011)

I deleted it, its just the fact he is ignoring me over it. We have been together for 2 years. Just sucks.


----------



## BigToe (Jun 2, 2011)

liah said:


> SO I messaged my BF's ex wife on her FB cause I have always been curious as to what happened to their relationship. He will not tell me, and I just want to make sure I am not getting into something I can not handle.


I don't think I would have contacted the other persons partner, but I think you were wise to want to know why the marriage didn't work. In the future if you date another divorced man you should make "what happened to your marriage" the first question right after "let me see your finances", and if you don't get a good answer that you can believe without doing detective work, don't continue the relationship.


----------



## DayDream (May 25, 2011)

Well, he is not totally innocent in this. Why would he refuse to tell you about his failed marriage and what happened? And how could he get so angry at you for inquiring (who cares HOW?) that he is not not even speaking to you? Really? You're together two years and all it takes is that to go cold on you? Maybe is IS a blessing in disguise. I'd think twice before getting back together again if he finally decides to show up again.


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Well to me it's obvious you don't trust him if you had to reacah out to the ex-wife. She prob feels like you intruded upon her asking her such personal questions. 
It IS weird he hasn't said a single word as to why they divorced.

Now the issue is this: you aren't happy he's ignoring you. If he keeps this up, do you want to marry someone who stonewalls you? Hopefully you apologized to him and he does the same.

If not, no dice.


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

stillme4you said:


> Well, he is not totally innocent in this. Why would he refuse to tell you about his failed marriage and what happened? And how could he get so angry at you for inquiring (who cares HOW?) that he is not not even speaking to you? Really? You're together two years and all it takes is that to go cold on you? Maybe is IS a blessing in disguise. I'd think twice before getting back together again if he finally decides to show up again.


You nailed it. :iagree:

Has he stonewalled/blanked you in the past over things?


----------



## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

He's got a deep, dark secret that he's hiding. Would you rather find out now, or 5 yrs. later when there are kids involved?

BTW-what did the ex tell you?


----------



## Six (Jul 2, 2011)

Not a great move on your part, but not so terrible that it justifies the silent treatment.

It doesn't add up. Which means there's a component deliberately missing. I think you're gut was telling you there's something wrong.

Kudos to you for listening to the gut.


----------



## DayDream (May 25, 2011)

Six said:


> Not a great move on your part, but not so terrible that it justifies the silent treatment.
> 
> It doesn't add up. Which means there's a component deliberately missing. I think you're gut was telling you there's something wrong.
> 
> Kudos to you for listening to the gut.


:iagree:


----------



## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

Jellybeans said:


> Well to me it's obvious you don't trust him if you had to reacah out to the ex-wife. She prob feels like you intruded upon her asking her such personal questions.
> It IS weird he hasn't said a single word as to why they divorced.
> 
> Now the issue is this: you aren't happy he's ignoring you. If he keeps this up, do you want to marry someone who stonewalls you? Hopefully you apologized to him and he does the same.
> ...


:iagree:


----------



## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

I'm willing to bet that he did something to her (affair, abuse, addiction, financial irresponsibility...) and she dumped him, begged (or threatened) her not to tell anyone, and he knows that you would dump him if you found out.


----------



## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

Here's a deep, ugly thought: look up his name on a sex-offender website-just to make sure.


----------



## magnoliagal (Mar 30, 2011)

I've read your other posts. This is a blessing in disquise. This guy is a loser. You deserve so much better.


----------



## liah (Jun 8, 2011)

Well after being "ignored" all night. I showed up at his house at 7am. He said he was on a lab until 2am and then came home and fell asleep. Meanwhile his spokes on his motorcycle (where I sit) were up. So I am assuming he was out. Don't know why he has to lie to me. I did not mention it to him. But I grabbed my stuff and was going to leave. He stopped me. And told me "I cannot act like this" and I have to "earn" the key to his house back. Now 3 days later he does not return my texts. He does call, but bites my head off at everything I say. I KNOW u are going to ask WHY am I with him? I have 2 years with him and I love him and I think he loves me or he wouldn't stop me from leaving. He would just let me go. Maybe I am desperate for love, I don't know.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Two years too long. 

He sounds very childish and immature. If the ex-wife never responded as to why they divorced, my crystal ball says THOSE were the reasons why.


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Ok I just went back to your other thread. This guy has issues. He is not someone you want to spend your life with in a marriage. Unless he can see for himself and own some of his problems, you have nothing.


----------



## liah (Jun 8, 2011)

I don't know if she ever responded, I deleted my FB. He's says a lot of women would be lucky to have him and I should just behave and be happy lol I know u all are right- thanks.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Is he for real? Behave? Yes, every woman would be lucky to have a man who won't tell her why he got a divorce, stonewalls her when she asks, tells her she needs to earn the key after ignoring her like a child, and only has sex in one position, with a low sex drive and porn addiction.

Um, HAIL no.

Please tell me you can see how unhealthy he sounds.


----------



## liah (Jun 8, 2011)

HAHA As much as I love him that was funny as hell.


----------



## lyngreen504 (Jun 7, 2011)

I have kids with my husband and every little thing involves them, it's more complicated with kids, it doesn't sound like you two have children, so LEAVE him before things get more complicated. They are divorced, if he can't tell you why that happened, well... I would have a problem with it as well... why always have that in the back of your mind. Go out with some friends and meet new people, when you arent looking someone new and better will come along. Let that person give you the trust and happiness you deserve. Not this fool. When you get married the real person shows up and sometimes its not always a good thing, look at the person is now and you two aren't married yet. he sounds like a controlling person, "you have to earn the key to the house" 'he won't let you leave' all the sudden... seriously look at the life you want, this is a preview of who he is. He'll get worse later, trust me.


----------



## liah (Jun 8, 2011)

I have 3 kids, he has none. I did ask him today about why they got divorced, he just said " no reason really, we just grew apart". He told me once that he came home and the house was empty. Then his mom told me his wife was taking **** out alittle at a time without him knowing. Then he said it was awhile coming, they both knew it was gonna happen. I'm at work now, I am headed back to his place when I get out, so I'm gonna ask him again about it. Maybe get a CLEAR answer. Maybe I should just let it go. We did have a long talk about me walking out and him "punishing" me. He said he wont anymore. I am naive I know.
I just want it to work so bad. I still think he was out the other night when he didnt call me, and ignored me all night. But he swears he was working.


----------

