# Unsure. should I leave or should I stay



## Rosietoes75 (Mar 19, 2015)

My husband and I have been married for three years, together for six. We moved down to North Carolina a month after we were married. The wedding was a disaster with his mom being nasty and half my family not showing up. Afterwards his mother threw me out of the house, not my husband. Well three years later and Anthony is not the man I knew. We've been to marriage counseling, and he didn't work at our marriage. That was last spring into September when our therapist told us there was nothing else she could do for us. She said he's verbally abusive and clearly doesn't want to be married regardless of what he says. His actions say differently. I have been called every name under the sun for simple things like asking him to take out the garbage or empty the dishwasher. On days like yesterday, one of his days off, he will sit from the time I leave for school and work and play video games until long after I come home. Last night he was up until 3 am. I went to bed without him. We rarely have sex and its only when he wants it because I no longer do. I am driving my friends crazy though because I am so confused. Some days are like yesterday, where nothing gets done and he's up until 3 playing games. He never willingly does things around the house, don't get me wrong, its always frustrating. But some days he's nice. I catch a glimpse of the man I once loved. We will play games and put together puzzles and enjoy the dogs. But it always goes back to this... to me feeling like I made a giant mistake. Marriage shouldn't feel this way... at least I hope it shouldn't. I am not sure. I no longer know what to do. Ive been saying I'm leaving for two and a half years now, since the day he spit in my face for no reason. But I haven't left. Not only haven't I left, I bought a house with him and adopted 5 dogs. And of course the dogs would come with me because he doesn't actually even like them. So now I am in a position where I have myself and 5 dogs and no full time job because I have been in school to further my education. I graduate next May. I was hoping to hold out till then... but theres always the question of what if things get better? What if he becomes the husband I need? And no, I don't need a perfect guy. I do need a partner though. An adult who does things around the house when they need to be done if he's home so that I don't have to come home from a long day of school and work and do all of those things around the house as well. I do want someone who will come to bed with me most nights and want to be with me. Someone who will want to spend time with me. He says he does... but again his actions say differently. I no long know where to turn or what to do. I am at a loss. I am tried of yelling and nagging. I never nagged! I was not that type of person! Now I nag. I am tired of feeling this way.


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## MachoMcCoy (Oct 20, 2014)

Rosietoes75 said:


> But some days he's nice. I catch a glimpse of the man I once loved. We will play games and put together puzzles and enjoy the dogs.


And for the rest of your life, even in these "nice" times, you will fear the monster in him striking. Unannounced. At any minute. You will constantly live in fear of his alter-ego. Your life will be like my wife's. His life will end up like mine. Do both of you a favor. End this. As a bonus, not that you care, will be that the shock and awe of losing you may very well fix him. It did me.

No kids, no worries. This is an easy one.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Rosietoes75 said:


> The wedding was a disaster with his mom being nasty
> Afterwards his mother threw me out of the house, not my husband
> She said he's verbally abusive and clearly doesn't want to be married regardless of what he says. His actions say differently. I have been called every name under the sun for simple things like asking him to take out the garbage or empty the dishwasher.


Did your parents not teach you to respect yourself? To choose a man wisely? To not accept abuse? I'm curious because you seem to accept abuse willingly. Who taught you that?



Rosietoes75 said:


> But some days he's nice. I catch a glimpse of the man I once loved.


You ARE aware, right, that he put on a FRONT to get you to marry him? That the person you thought you were marrying IS NOT THE MAN YOU MARRIED?



Rosietoes75 said:


> I no longer know what to do. Ive been saying I'm leaving for two and a half years now, since the day he spit in my face for no reason.


Did your mother support you? Expect great things for you? Or did she raise you to believe you're lucky ANY man would take you? Because it sounds like the latter.

Assuming you had a decent mother, and not the latter, please go - right now - and tell her that he spat in your face. See what she says.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Rosietoes75 said:


> My husband and I have been married for three years, together for six. We moved down to North Carolina a month after we were married. The wedding was a disaster with his mom being nasty and half my family not showing up. Afterwards his mother threw me out of the house, not my husband. Well three years later and Anthony is not the man I knew. We've been to marriage counseling, and he didn't work at our marriage. That was last spring into September when our therapist told us there was nothing else she could do for us. She said he's verbally abusive and clearly doesn't want to be married regardless of what he says. His actions say differently. I have been called every name under the sun for simple things like asking him to take out the garbage or empty the dishwasher. On days like yesterday, one of his days off, he will sit from the time I leave for school and work and play video games until long after I come home. Last night he was up until 3 am. I went to bed without him. We rarely have sex and its only when he wants it because I no longer do. I am driving my friends crazy though because I am so confused. Some days are like yesterday, where nothing gets done and he's up until 3 playing games. He never willingly does things around the house, don't get me wrong, its always frustrating. But some days he's nice. I catch a glimpse of the man I once loved. We will play games and put together puzzles and enjoy the dogs. But it always goes back to this... to me feeling like I made a giant mistake. Marriage shouldn't feel this way... at least I hope it shouldn't. I am not sure. I no longer know what to do. Ive been saying I'm leaving for two and a half years now, since the day he spit in my face for no reason. But I haven't left. Not only haven't I left, I bought a house with him and adopted 5 dogs. And of course the dogs would come with me because he doesn't actually even like them. So now I am in a position where I have myself and 5 dogs and no full time job because I have been in school to further my education. I graduate next May. I was hoping to hold out till then... but theres always the question of what if things get better? What if he becomes the husband I need? And no, I don't need a perfect guy. I do need a partner though. An adult who does things around the house when they need to be done if he's home so that I don't have to come home from a long day of school and work and do all of those things around the house as well. I do want someone who will come to bed with me most nights and want to be with me. Someone who will want to spend time with me. He says he does... but again his actions say differently. I no long know where to turn or what to do. I am at a loss. I am tried of yelling and nagging. I never nagged! I was not that type of person! Now I nag. I am tired of feeling this way.


Start planning your exit NOW! This man is not worthy of you. It sounds like you are carrying the whole marriage emotionally and financially. Get your degree, a full time job and move. If possible get your family to help.
Why did you family not come to the wedding, is it something to do with your choice of husband?
He may beg, plead for to work it out, if he does, then maybe you give him a deadline, after that you go. You are in an emotionally abusive and toxic environment, no-one deserves that and I hope you are not intending to bring children into this mix?


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## Keenwa (Oct 26, 2013)

Rosietoes75 said:


> She said he's verbally abusive and clearly doesn't want to be married regardless of what he says. His actions say differently. I have been called every name under the sun for simple things like asking him to take out the garbage or empty the dishwasher. .... I do want someone who will come to bed with me most nights and want to be with me. Someone who will want to spend time with me. He says he does... but again his actions say differently. I no long know where to turn or what to do. I am at a loss. I am tried of yelling and nagging. I never nagged! I was not that type of person! Now I nag. I am tired of feeling this way.


Anyone who spits in your face or calls you names will not change. He is a sick person with no respect for women or himself. Get out before you have kids. You deserve to have a man who not only does things around the house but who wants to be with you. Even if he doesn't want to be with you anymore, he should be respectful enough to say it kindly and honestly to you without spitting or yelling. He is a violent person GET OUT.


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