# Where do I go from here?



## lostandstuck (Nov 3, 2012)

Hi All!

I have been reading the posts on this forum for a day or so now. I would appreciate any advice on my situation.

We have been married only 2 years, dated for 6 years, know him for 11 (we dated in high school and then broke up and got back together). Over the past month I had noticed him not trying to touch me anymore and overall just felt like he was feeling down. So I asked him if there was something I was doing wrong and he broke down (crying which is rare for him) and told me it wasn't me. So after this things started to feel like they were going back to normal but I still was feeling depressed though I have been feeling depressed for a while and I think this was affecting him. He has also been going through a stressful time at work where he didn't know if he would be let go from his job or not. 

Then early this week I just started feeling all depressed again so I asked him what are we going to do and this is when he brought up the whole divorce because he said he can't make me happy and he isn't happy anymore. I was pretty upset and all I really want is to be with him more and talk through things but he said he can’t do this anymore. After I had left him alone he came to me and asked if I was OK more than a few times. He pretty much told me too that he thinks it best if we are not together because he doesn't want to cheat on me (yet he slept with me the day before). He said he would leave and stay with his dad but I said no I have to leave. He said he still cares about me. Then I went to bed alone and he went downstairs. I didn't think he would come to bed anymore considering what happened but then he came to bed and was crying (again rare) and was saying how he messed up everything. I understand that he can't help how he feels. So I guess am I just dragging this on? Should I just go to my parents? 

Over the past couple of days I have been thinking a lot and I know I still love him. If I leave I think he will think I don’t love him anymore. I feel like I messed up because I was depressed and wasn't doing much with the house and myself so I am probably the reason he doesn't feel in love with me anymore. He said that he felt better when we were dating when he only saw me on the weekends but with our work schedule I usually don't see him unless I stay up on the weekdays. It was just lately I have been off of work because I had to take vacation and have just been home.

Is there no hope for us? He told me he won't change but I know it is me who needs to change but I also know that it may be too late. Why does he still come home every night if he knows I am here? I am just so lost at what to do. Do I ask if we can do counseling? But I don't think he will go for that. 

If you read all of that thank you! Any advice is appreciated!


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## lostandstuck (Nov 3, 2012)

Well even though no one replied here is an update:

I talked to him Saturday morning and said I will stay at my mom's and then he was saying I didn't have to go but I just went for the night. I came back today and asked how he was feeling and if he was set on divorce or wanted to work on it through counseling. He pretty much told me that he doesn't want us anymore. So his decision is final. He hasn't called a lawyer yet but he said he sure this is what he wants. 

I just don't understand why he doesn't want to work on it but I know I have to let him go because I love him. Love sucks.


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## MSC71 (Aug 1, 2012)

Maybe ignoring him a while will help. See if he misses you.


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## lostandstuck (Nov 3, 2012)

Thanks! We will have to still see each other since we have to sell the house and I want to have shared custody of our dog and I know that it will take a while to get divorced but he is pretty set in his mind and I honesty don't know if I even want to be with him if he doesn't even want to try. I wish he wouldn't have wasted so many years I mean we were dating for 5 and engaged for 1 whole year so he must not have always felt like this yet he tells me he knows it won't change even if we go to counseling and then I told him he won't find happiness even with someone else because he if he isn't willing to work on things with me he won't with someone else and he tells me that no he will find happiness with someone else.


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## lostandstuck (Nov 3, 2012)

The reality is hitting me right now. Before I was all I will be fine I can stay with my mom but now I know I can’t do that I have to get my own place. I went from living at home to getting married so I haven’t really been on my own. So maybe this is a good thing? I don’t know it just feels so scary…


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## Madly (Nov 11, 2012)

Sounds like you made up your mind or he made it up for you. I too went from family home to marriage, but I was married for 28 years. 

I am now sitting in a small one bedroom apartment. Was I scared, oh yes, the scariest part was the fact that it would be just me. You know once you do it, it's not that scary, it's not all fun, because there is a lot of alone time. Start going out with friends and just do things on your own. It's funny how now I go shopping or just looking and I now wear a smile on my face. You can do it.


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