# Financial inequality when entering a marriage..



## Cirkah (Aug 26, 2013)

I'll begin this post by stating that this is not a "financial problem" but a search for advice or anyone who has dealt with this type of scenario..Its a bit of a strange place to be in.

I am in a relationship with a wonderful man and we are starting to talk about our mutual plans to create a life together (marriage,kids,whole 9 yards). We communicate openly about what we are planning together but the scary issue for us is that I am rich, and he is not. 
I inherited a large amount of family money (and though I like to think I'm very level headed about it) it is a reality. I am not the breadwinner, or the high income spouse; I just happen to have a huge amount of cash for no good reason. I own a home outright, I have large investments, I am set. Great right?
My boyfriend is gainfully employed, responsible, honest, but also 50k in debt from school and grew up on welfare. 

I have recently begun to break the news of my wealth to him because I know it will obviously be an issue we need to deal with as we get more serious.

He is doing his best not to freak out, but its weird to find out your girlfriend is seriously loaded. Then youre talking about marriage and now suddenly, you're going to be loaded too. 

I often feel like if I had actually earned the money or if I was making significantly more than him income wise we would have an easier time maneuvering the situation, but I just got lucky, and I chose him because he is wonderful and I want for him to just feel lucky too and not focus on the fact that I am entering this with more than him financially. I think that having the woman enter in with big money is also hard for society, and him to digest.

I feel more concerned about his feelings of financial inadequacy than mine, especially since I didn't earn my money. I want to find a way to express to him my trust and need for him to accept this gift that was given to me and now is being given to him as just that; a completely random act of financial luck.

We are both trying to make that feeling happen but I can tell its still as strange for him to accept as it was for me. I guess Im just curious if theres someone out there who has gone through this and if so, is there some advice you can give me on figuring this out...?


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Whatever you do please please please protect your wealth. Once you commingle funds it becomes marital property that he will be entitled to should this not work out.

Marriages where the woman has/makes more money is a challenge for many men to overcome and some don't. A man must be secure in himself to handle a situation like this.

Would he be open to counseling to discuss his feelings?


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

Look into a prenup. Protect your money to be fair to you and your investments.
If I had a lot of money before marriage and knew my wife was a good person and hard worker I would definitely take care of her school loans.


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## LoveAtDaisys (Jul 3, 2013)

:agree:

This isn't that you don't love him, or that you think the marriage won't work; it's so that you both have an idea where the chips fall. I think honestly it's good just so that the actual disparity is in full view - I can see where he might start wondering "well how much does she have that she doesn't tell me about", "what other things is she hiding".


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

I just hope all these women who are telling you to protect your wealth would also tell a guy in your situation the same thing.


with that said protect your wealth! 50% of all marriages fail only a fool wouldn't protect themselves for such a risky proposition.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

chillymorn said:


> I just hope all these women who are telling you to protect your wealth would also tell a guy in your situation the same thing.
> 
> 
> with that said protect your wealth! 50% of all marriages fail only a fool wouldn't protect themselves for such a risky proposition.


You know I would. My husband inherited money and its completely protected. I have no access to it. Bothered me at first but I got over it. As long as he provides for me in a reasonable manner I'm good.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

As you correctly pointed out, you got lucky. Whatever you have, you didn't earn. With or without him, there's no guarantee you'll have anything 10 years from now. It'd be wise to protect and securely invest a portion of what you have, learn about investing and perhaps get a little more aggressive with a bit of it. Mostly, use some of it to train yourself to be gainfully employed. This guy isn't inferior to you nor better than you. His bank balance is just different...today. At least, you know this guy is interested in you because of who you are and not because of what you currently have. Who someone is or what they do are lots more important than what they have.


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## BWBill (Jan 30, 2013)

I certainly agree with taking steps to protect your assets. 

However, it sounds like your boyfriend will be producing the income that you will both be living off of. Do you really think its right that his income belongs to the marriage, but your assets do not?

I think there is a potential for stress.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

BWBill said:


> I certainly agree with taking steps to protect your assets.
> 
> However, it sounds like your boyfriend will be producing the income that you will both be living off of. Do you really think its right that his income belongs to the marriage, but your assets do not?
> 
> I think there is a potential for stress.


good point ...but the prenup could reflect the he get part of her money to even that out. just be fair about it.


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

How old are you both? Are you both working professionals? Do you guys have kids from other relationships? How long have you been together and how long have you had this money?


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