# I feel again



## Dewayne76 (Sep 26, 2012)

I don't know how much more I can take guys. 


Please talk .


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## Dewayne76 (Sep 26, 2012)

So sick of the night terrors. They're worse than ever. 

Tired of this mess. I just need out.


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## jmb123 (Nov 9, 2012)

Stay strong for you have to stay strong!! 
Would you understand if I said something like 'Whatever pain or hapiness is there ,it is in our minds-Not the outcome of external situations-we can choose to be happy or sad,any situation irrespective!'


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## jmb123 (Nov 9, 2012)

Say I want an 'orange';I cannot have it at all;I am unhappy because of it;So we cannot chnage the fact that 'I cannot have an orange';But I can chnage the fact 'that I am unhappy-I can choosse to be happy-by not wanting to have an orange';DoI make sense.


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## Dewayne76 (Sep 26, 2012)

I dont knwo what's happening. it's like all the emotions completely hit me all at once agin... 

I can't calm down. I can't even read these posts.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

I don't know what you have been through. I only know your comments have helped me to think. Don't give up on yourself.


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## Dewayne76 (Sep 26, 2012)

jmb it's uncontrollable again. I'm burning up with a fever...

all contlr OI had is gone. al fof it.


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## jmb123 (Nov 9, 2012)

Dewayne76 said:


> jmb it's uncontrollable again. I'm burning up with a fever...
> 
> all contlr OI had is gone. al fof it.


Foremost please see to your health;
You cannot put yourself down for anyone in this whole world;Noone's so important to make you feel so down;And if they do tehy really are not worth it;
Your comments really made me feel good yesterday;You have to stick to them yourself;

Why do you not first have healthy bite of food as you post;This might lift your mood.No I am not joking;Food lifts me from the worst of feelings I have;


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

I have had a cup of tea when I am down. The caffeine seems to help lift my mood till the worst part passes.


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## jmb123 (Nov 9, 2012)

Dewayne76 said:


> I dont knwo what's happening. it's like all the emotions completely hit me all at once agin...
> 
> I can't calm down. I can't even read these posts.


I suggest just calm down.Stop thinking anything;Have a healthy bite of food.Do deep breathing 10 times each time telling yourself to have faith;You will calm down;
Hey we are real human beings here,so we mean what we post here;You better do it!!!!


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## Dewayne76 (Sep 26, 2012)

dfj;klajskldfhklasl;dklajhsdfklhasdjklfh


Trying to think of my daughter but it almost makes it worse.


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## jmb123 (Nov 9, 2012)

hey man !! u there..
take some fever medicine,eat something,cry out..may be it will make you feel better..
It is very sad sometimes,unbearable but then the pain will go away;it has too;


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## Dewayne76 (Sep 26, 2012)

its never lasted thsi long... even a month ago


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## jmb123 (Nov 9, 2012)

what are you frightened of;
Fear is behind every pain;
You are not losing your daughter;You have her;
You miss your wife ,the good times with her;Now she is not the same person;
Think of her with the deceit attached as a new feature to her;You wont find her attractive or desirable;You need to think with a clear mind;
And you have lost nothing,really;It is upto you to be happy every moment ;You will have to take chrage of your life;
I know when we are really down,nothing makes sense ;we just feel so bad;yet nothing external defines your happiness;You have not lost anything;know that.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Get a little caffeine in yourself. Eat what you can. Take something for your fever. Help your body feel better.


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## jmb123 (Nov 9, 2012)

2ntnuf said:


> Get a little caffeine in yourself. Eat what you can. Take something for your fever. Help your body feel better.


:iagree:
Pamper yourself immediately,even if you do not feel like doing it;Good food etc and quick med;
Mind and body -body and mind-both are related;


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## soca70 (Oct 30, 2012)

Hey Dewayne - you almost sound like you are having a panic attack. Has your therapist or doctor considered anti-anxiety medication for you? I'm on Lexapro which is anti-anxiety/depression and I think it's the only thing holding me together but I've been sleeping 6-8 hrs/night and eating again and I'm 2 months in - I think about the same as you.


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## Dewayne76 (Sep 26, 2012)

No. have to make appointment again. haven't been on meds since I ran out a month and a half ago.


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## soca70 (Oct 30, 2012)

Yeah I'd recommend getting on these and staying on them for a while. Maybe even a year to ride this out. I've found the meds take the edge and panic feeling away. (I'm not a doctor just my experience)


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## Hermes (Oct 8, 2012)

Dewayne,

Brother, just relax. Take some deep breaths. It gets better. 

Go for a jog. Do you belong to a gym? Go on a treadmill. Sweat. 

Get on anti-anxiety medication. 

You got this brother. Just let it run its course. Do whatever you can to keep your mind off it.


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## Dewayne76 (Sep 26, 2012)

I can breathe finally. But the sh.ts still heavy.


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## jmb123 (Nov 9, 2012)

ok better.


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## Hermes (Oct 8, 2012)

Dewayne76 said:


> I can breathe finally. But the sh.ts still heavy.


Let it happen. It will come and go. Breath, take a walk, go for a jog, lift some weights, take yoga, etc. Whatever will get you physically spent and get your mind off of it. 

Peace will come. I promise you. You have to allow it, though.


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## Dewayne76 (Sep 26, 2012)

I've decided I will never see any "Peace" out of this situation. 

I feel better but I'm still overwhelmed. 

Yes, I believe it was an attack. I couldn't breathe, like I was hyperventilating. Severe chest pain again.... same as last time.


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## Hermes (Oct 8, 2012)

Dewayne76 said:


> I've decided I will never see any "Peace" out of this situation.
> .


Until you realize that this is not permanent, you wont find peace. You have to accept the situation and allow yourself to have these feelings. Peace will come, but not if you are wallowing in your own misery.


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## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

Lots of good advice here, sweetie. Make an appt with your doctor asap. You might not have to be on something all the time -- he might be able to give you something to take just when the anxiety ramps up too much. 
But OTOH, learning things like breathing exercises (especially mindfulness ones -- google it, or PM me and I'd be happy to explain) will help you get skills to eventually handle times like this without meds. In fact, my dr has given me scrips to get anxiety meds, but I've never filled them. I can now get through those times on my own -- and they become much less severe and much less frequent as time goes by and we get better at handling them.

Don't judge yourself for what you're feeling. Observe what's going through your mind right now, but don't go with it. If you want to talk about it with a counselor or someone later, just jot it down. Don't push it away, but don't dwell on it. 

Talk back to your anxiety and fear. You can do this, sweetie.


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## zappy88200 (Dec 6, 2012)

Brother Dewayne - Yours posts always make us feel good....so when we see you in pain, we feel sad.

Buckle up brother - Everything will be okay in his will and time.


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## Dewayne76 (Sep 26, 2012)

pff, and I mispelled "fell".. Title was suppose to say "I fell again" 

This sh.t sucks so bad.


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## soca70 (Oct 30, 2012)

Dewayne76 said:


> pff, and I mispelled "fell".. Title was suppose to say "I fell again"
> 
> This sh.t sucks so bad.


Dewayne - who the hell cares? This isn't a work presentation.


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## Hermes (Oct 8, 2012)

Dewayne76 said:


> pff, and I mispelled "fell".. Title was suppose to say "I fell again"
> 
> This sh.t sucks so bad.


All good advice here for you dewayne. You know the answers people are going to give you here. You give the same ones to others. 

I know it is hard to look objectively at your own situation. But, you know what you need to do. So, get up and do it. 

This is normal. Don't be ashamed, embarrassed, regretful, etc of these feelings. I still have times where I feel like crap and long for what i had. I snap out of it quicker now, though. You will get there. Let it happen. Don't give into these feelings. Feel them, learn from them, but dont let them control you. 

An yes, who cares if you fell again. As Alfred Pennyworth once said "Why do we fall sir? So we might learn to pick ourselves up". Learn how to get yourself back on the horse and push forward.

As always, you know we are all here for you.


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## Dewayne76 (Sep 26, 2012)

Trying to lighten my mood a bit 

Was pretty simple minded till I started thinking about why she was pushy on me signing them. 

Well, that and she was my best friend... and now I only hear from her concerning the kid... who does this? How can someone just drop you so hard when you didn't deserve it? Not only was she my best friend, pretty much my only friend left. That's what makes it so hard. No, I wasn't perfect, far from it but I don't deserve this b/s. Not by a long shot, not in my eyes.


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## Dewayne76 (Sep 26, 2012)

I know Hermes. 

Once the pain hit hard, I was overwhelmed with emotions etc. 

I had some seriously bad thoughts. 

That's why I came here, cus I knew I'd have support. 

It was so bad I couldn't see what I was typing cus of the tears and hyperventilating. 

I'm not ashamed of my feelings, or getting down. Sometimes I tell myself I asm, to try and stop / pick myself back up.


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## zappy88200 (Dec 6, 2012)

Its natural Dewayne - You miss your wife and daughter brother.

The hardest part is to digest the fact how cruel your spouse could become that it doesn't matter to them if you live or die.

Very painful.


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## Hermes (Oct 8, 2012)

Dewayne76 said:


> I know Hermes.
> 
> Once the pain hit hard, I was overwhelmed with emotions etc.
> 
> ...


Good. I know the feeling. It sucks. It really does. I know that you are stronger than this, though. We all do. Feel better, my friend.


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## Hermes (Oct 8, 2012)

Dewayne76 said:


> Trying to lighten my mood a bit
> 
> Was pretty simple minded till I started thinking about why she was pushy on me signing them.
> 
> Well, that and she was my best friend... and now I only hear from her concerning the kid... who does this? How can someone just drop you so hard when you didn't deserve it? Not only was she my best friend, pretty much my only friend left. That's what makes it so hard. No, I wasn't perfect, far from it but I don't deserve this b/s. Not by a long shot, not in my eyes.


Dewayne,

Don't play the victim here. You are not a victim. Stop thinking like one. 

Read this:

A Gift for My Daughter


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

Dwayne,
So sorry you are dealing with so much pain.
Consider trying some mindful breathing. Giving my mind a few minutes a day of rest-where I don't "think" of anything seems to give me more strength when I have to think of the crap my STBXH does. Just an idea. Here's a link:
Mindful Breathing Exercise | LIVESTRONG.COM


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## Dewayne76 (Sep 26, 2012)

Thanks guys.


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## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

Thanks for the link, Pluto -- that's what I was talking about earlier. Works much better than a drug in a lot of cases.


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## HiRoad (Oct 22, 2012)

Dewayne -your not alone brotha, trust me!

I was on lexapro due to all the stresses ($$$,family linving w/us, new business, babies, work, etc.) when i was still M to my STBXW. I have never been on any medication in my life. I was on it for 6months, but have to admit i was still drinking too, which probably didn't help.

But from my own personal experience the BEST thing i ever did for myself is, after the bomb was dropped, picked myself up, pulled up my boots and started going to the gym again.

Did a self evaluation, quit all vices (drinking, eating bad, TV, games, golf, etc.)

I went to the gym the week after the bomb was dropped. I go 4 days a week and run outside 3days a week. 

This hands down was the best thing I have done, it really relieves the stress and emotions alot. Hard as heck, and i do have my moments, but very effective, more so than lexapro. 

Hang in there, it gets better! Vent here, we are all with ya.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Hope you are feeling better.


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## Dewayne76 (Sep 26, 2012)

Off and on bro. Off and on, but yes, I feeling better. 

Thanks again guys. Today has been probably one of the roughest days yet. 

Yes. I miss my wife. The woman she use to be. I miss my daughter. Haven't seen her in days and won't again till MAYBE this weekend. 

Had a lot of mind movies today. Effing killed me.


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

Just try not to think about it so much Dewayne. Find some thing to do to get your mind off things! It does no good to go over things so much in your head.


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## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

When are you going to be sick and tired of being sick and tired?


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## Couleur (Apr 4, 2012)

When I get in a blue mood I'm not very good at visualizing a big stop sign and not thinking about my marriage problems.

What works for me is:
1) exercise (if I go for a run I am MUCH less likely to trigger late at night)
2) instant view on netflix. Find an old series (or a new one) start at the beginning and watch episodes to distract you. 
3) reading (detective novels on my kindle).

Strategies 2 & 3 are particularly useful for when the blue meanies hit in the middle of the night, and I can't get up and exercise without sending the whole house into an uproar. 

Stay strong!


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## C-man (Oct 23, 2012)

Dewayne - the fact that you miss your wife (or at least how your wife used to be) says good things about you. It shows that you loved her. It shows that you're capable of love and commitment. Those are GOOD things. That's how my IC has been looking at things and how I am trying to look at things when I get down. I celebrated my 25th Anniversary without my wife - with just my daughters - it was on my Anniversary but wasn't for the Anniversary - just an excuse to take my daughters out and have a great time and create a new tradition. My wife? She went out clubbing with her toxic girlfriends. What does that say about her?

Know what you're going through and I know how hard it is. I have a hard time living and following this advice myself. Just remember that you WILL get through this and with time you will look back on this and be thankful it happened.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Remember what you did today and improve on it for the next time. It may be a little while till these things go away completely. Good job hangin' in there today.


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