# one more ? men....



## summergirljea (Jul 17, 2013)

i heard a mc say men need in a relationship...respect,honor n sex..... women need love,security n intimacy. do you agree? if so what does respect and honor from your wife mean to you? any examples please? thanks ps: mc said b/c men n women speak differently,are men really that hard to figure out and/or are women such a challenge to men?


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## soulpotato (Jan 22, 2013)

I think all human beings need those things. I don't think it's divided between men and women.


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## thompkevin (Jul 17, 2013)

I guess even women need respect. Which women will stay in a relationship with a man who doesn't respect her? And which man would stay in a relationship with a women who doesn't love him?


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## remorseful strayer (Nov 13, 2012)

summergirljea said:


> i heard a mc say men need in a relationship...respect,honor n sex..... women need love,security n intimacy. do you agree? if so what does respect and honor from your wife mean to you? any examples please? thanks ps: mc said b/c men n women speak differently,are men really that hard to figure out and/or are women such a challenge to men?


I agree that all emotionally healthy men or women need all those things to feel good about a marriage. 

The exception is sex. I do think due to testosterone, most men have a higher need for sex. IMO, a women in love can take sex or leave it. They need intimacy and affection more than the actual sex act. 

Not all women, but a higher percentage of women. 

Same for men, not all men have a higher sex drive, but a higher percentage of men do.


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## cdbaker (Nov 5, 2010)

I highly recommend the book "Love & Respect" as I think it's written very specifically with your question in mind.

Yes, for men, Respect from their wives in their #1 need. It's not just in how you treat your husband, he needs to comfortably know at all times (more or less) that you respect him as a man, a husband, a father (if you have children of course), a provider, a defender, etc. As I understand it, women feel similarly about love, needing to feel at all times that their husband loves her, finds her attractive, etc.

For me personally (since you seemed to be looking for examples), respect means a lot of things. Here is a list of a few examples:

When she lets me drive, because she knows my dad was always the driver and I grew up feeling like it is right and proper for the man to drive.
When she doesn't raise a big stink when I make a mistake and knows that I've already caught it myself. (Meaning there is nothing to be gained by the stink anyway)
When she lets me do my "gentlemanly" gestures or "manly" duties even if she finds some of them silly or feels that she could do some of them better/faster/easier. (Insisting that she walk to my left on the sidewalk, holding a door for her, giving her my coat if it is raining or too cold, standing up at the table when she gets up [when eating out], me sleeping on the side of the bed closest to the door, my desire that she ask me to check strange sounds in the house at night or let me change the oil in the cars, etc. etc. etc.) 
Changing the oil is a good one. My dad always did this for all of our cars growing up. I know my wife would feel a bit more comfortable to take it to a shop, pay them the $50, get their guarantee's and all that, but she knows that I like to handle it because it makes me feel like I am properly taking care of her, that my own hand is involved in her safety, that I can be confident in that because I did it myself. Knowing that she lets me do the oil, even when I know that she'd otherwise rather just take it to a shop, is a HUGE show of respect for me and my needs that gives me enormous confidence in our relationship.
You can score HUGE respect points in the bedroom too. Simply by trying to meet his fantasies or otherwise committing to enjoying sexual time with him in the bedroom, he feels respected and desired. Truthfully there is probably no quicker and easier way to earn a man's respect than by being highly motivated and energetic in the bedroom, on a frequent basis. I'm not saying you need to be his sex slave (ya know, unless that's one of his fantasies, in which case only for a little while, lol), or that you shouldn't expect him to be committed to making sure you enjoy it as well. I'm just saying that bedroom fun is easily a wife's best opportunity to score respect points with her husband, as sex tends to be proportionally much more important for men than it is for women.
When there is a problem of some kind and she entrusts me to handle it, and then shows her appreciation afterwards.
When she doesn't hold prior mistakes or failures over my head and gives her encouragement and trust to try again. (Especially when she really isn't confident about my trying again at all, but showing that she is anyway for my sake)
When I've been running my smoker for 18 hours straight and she makes sure to go into detail regarding her critique of the BBQ I've made for us.
When she backs me up on punishments for our daughter and never undermines me.

Etc.

Showing respect, in many ways, probably looks a lot like showing love, and I imagine those lines do intersect a lot. The main thing is that a guy needs to feel confident that his wife respects him, that she trusts him and is confident in him, that she needs him around (in a good way), that she will support him even when she isn't particularly confident in him at that particular task/moment, that she will be sexually available to him and even reward him for performing his husbandly duties well, etc.

Just some thoughts from another guy!


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## languaged (May 2, 2015)

Even with that love and relationship is never a walk in the part. The problem is that people expect too much from a relationship and invest too little into it. 

What Men Secretly Want


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