# is this thoughtless, rude or mean



## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

I'm asthmatic with allergies. Seasonal grass and pollens get me and when I'm down - other stuff bothers me. H and I noticed I sneeze in our bedroom often. At first, I thought dust (one fo few carpeted rooms in house) but the next night I'm cuddling with baby and crazy sneezing fit. Well it's my H's cologne! This is two nights ago and he still slathers on this cologne like crazy. I'm breastfeeding, so limited with allergy meds... Isn't that kind of mean?
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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

golfergirl said:


> I'm asthmatic with allergies. Seasonal grass and pollens get me and when I'm down - other stuff bothers me. H and I noticed I sneeze in our bedroom often. At first, I thought dust (one fo few carpeted rooms in house) but the next night I'm cuddling with baby and crazy sneezing fit. Well it's my H's cologne! This is two nights ago and he still slathers on this cologne like crazy. I'm breastfeeding, so limited with allergy meds... Isn't that kind of mean?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Have you asked him to stop putting cologne on, at least for a little while?


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## PealedBannana (Jun 9, 2011)

Does he know the cologne is an issue?


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

PealedBannana said:


> Does he know the cologne is an issue?



I've told him several times and he just tried a different kind - sigh.
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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

He needs to take this seriously.
The histamines in your blood are likely getting into your milk and these will cause the baby to have anxiety-like systems and other allergy symptoms (not just sinus).

I have severe allergies and I know when they are not treated with antihistamines on a daily basis, I become extremely sensitive to all other scents, even just toothpaste odor or deodorant. I can even smell a cigarette two cars ahead of me in heavy traffic. A scented candle can cause me to start wheezing.

The way allergies work is that each and every time you are exposed, your body builds up more mast cells. The mast cells are what makes histamines. The histamines cause the allergic reaction. More mast cells from exposure to anything that causes allergic reaction increase the reaction the next time...until you might have something you think is flu, or pneumonia, or a sore throat or an ear infection, rash, tachycardia, you can start cross-reacting to foods and have very severe stomach pain and even need to be on high-dose inhaled steroids and have an anaphylactic attack.

You should go to see an allergist and get tested properly for your allergies. Then be on a safe antihistamine you can take while nursing. Allergy avoidance and treatment/prevention will be the healthy thing to do for the both of you: mom and baby.

Also, allergies can make you have symptoms of anxiety, like sweating, rapid heart rate, changes in blood pressure, stomach pain. They do not always just cause you to be stuffy.

I ended up suffering from anaphylaxis off and on for three months, and have lost some math ability and memory due to the hypoxia involved. It was misdiagnosed as anxiety. I recall telling my H again and again, this food tastes off, that food tastes off, the coffee is not tasting right, deodorant and his soap I couldn't get near, detergent aisle at the grocery store was intolerable.

Now I take antihistamine every day and I don't have many problems at all. I learned to recognize difference between anxiety and allergies and take liquid Benadryl for things like stomach pain and sweating and ears feeling full. The trouble is, when people don't listen to your complaints about allergies, and blow off a VERY SERIOUS MEDICAL PROBLEM THAT COULD ESCALATE INTO A LIFE-THREATENING CONDITION, it makes you anxious!!!!

Get tested for allergies and make sure your home becomes an irritant-free zone. He needs to take this seriously, the reactions will get worse and worse over time so long as you continue to be exposed to substances that cause symptoms.

Oh, also when you are cycling through your menses, your body also recognizes some hormones as allergens/foreign substances, so it's common to be sensitive one week and not the other weeks. It's not always PMS :-|


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> He needs to take this seriously.
> The histamines in your blood are likely getting into your milk and these will cause the baby to have anxiety-like systems and other allergy symptoms (not just sinus).
> 
> I have severe allergies and I know when they are not treated with antihistamines on a daily basis, I become extremely sensitive to all other scents, even just toothpaste odor or deodorant. I can even smell a cigarette two cars ahead of me in heavy traffic. A scented candle can cause me to start wheezing.
> ...


I remember your story. Yes I will have to explore more. I've been allergy tested but that was 8 years ago. His cologne is new to me. I breastfeed to do the best I can to save kids from asthma or allergies. He doesn't have any allergies so he doesn't understand it. I've been hospitalized with asthma 3 times in 20 years - nothing for 9 (knock on wood). Thanks for info. Glad you have got things figured out for you even though you've had some serious troubles. Thank you for caring enough to write. I will get re-evaluated right away.
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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

Your allergies really can get worse over time.
I was shocked.
If I did not remember how very sick I was 3 years in a row and intermittently during childhood and young adulthood (oxygen tent, barely able to breath, having to take really strong asthma meds and use inhalers...all those horrible rashes...) and compare that to how absolutely healthy I've been for the past year, I would not believe that birch pollen + related foods (apples, celery, green peppers) could have made me THAT sick. I thought I'd been poisoned!

Retesting would be advisable. And some patient education for your H. Those histamines I am sure do go into your milk. Baby could end up being very uncomfortable and cranky and distressed. I remember one time when I was having a long attack and I thought I had caught a bad cold, my baby I was nursing at the time was really stuffy, cranky, etc. Then he broke out in hives all over his body. After the hives (a massive histamine release I'm sure) within the hour he was his normal self. I recall this because I was on a bicycling trip and some people we'd seen at the B&B who had looked at the baby and I'd discussed possibly taking him for medical care, saw him later at dinner at a restaurant, came over to our table and said, ummmm, this can't be the same baby we saw just an hour ago? He was so sick? He was covered in a rash? And now, he is sitting here laughing and happy and eating, it can't be. But it was. I am really certain that my allergy attack that I was experiencing went into my milk.


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## heartbroken1957 (Apr 8, 2011)

You need to tell your pedt Dr. and your MD what your husband is doing and then get an Appt for both of you so that Drs can tell him he is seriously putting his wifes LIFE at risk. Allergies are no joke and not a small thing. They are life threatening and his ignorance of it is hurting you and the baby. 
Even if you had no allergies, a young baby is not to be exposed to perfumes and such. It affects their respitory system.


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## magnoliagal (Mar 30, 2011)

Preaching to the choir to me. I think cologne and perfumes are poison. What's wrong with old fashioned soap and water? I just don't get it.

I don't have allergies but am very sensitive to strong smells.


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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

I would be my last dollar he is not being mean so much as utterly clueless. Have you asked him SPECIFICALLY to wear NO cologne rather than honey, your cologne makes me sneeze?


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

Mom6547 said:


> I would be my last dollar he is not being mean so much as utterly clueless. Have you asked him SPECIFICALLY to wear NO cologne rather than honey, your cologne makes me sneeze?


I have asked. He doesn't have allergies so he doesn't understand at all - he thinks a little sneezing (minor inconvenience), so when I remind him, 'honey, I'm really struggling with my allergies right now, can you please stop with the cologne', I get told it's never bothered me before (actually it made throw up when pregnant), or how can I be sure it's not the poplar fluff flying outside (it is that too, probably why I'm more sensitive to everything right now) or he simply forgot. We are going to family doctor next week to get referred to specialist - so hopefully he'll understand this time.
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## 4sure (Aug 8, 2010)

Stop asking him, and tell him to stop wearing the freaking cologne it's making you sick.


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

Yes, this is rude. I wasn't good with the emotional stuff with my x wife, but the obvious stuff I could do. I would have thrown all my cologne out the window if I knew it bothered her.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

He's not understanding, and yes, he needs to stop wearing it. A natural alternative to cologne (if he's man enough to accept this), would be aromatherapy. Good quality oils, not just fragrant oils. Sandalwood, cedarwood and such are good, masculine options. Perhaps look into this and how he can safely wear them on his skin. 

I had a co-worker in the office that would sneeze every morning. I was the new person and it turns out, my perfume was contributing to their allergies. I didn't realize and they were too timid to tell me straight. After a few months, someone finally had the balls to tell me on their behalf. I stopped wearing it. Their sneezing reduced. Good luck!


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## Six (Jul 2, 2011)

If you said that to me I would change the sheets, shower, and throw the stuff away.

Your health and welfare are far more important than a stupid cologne. Especially if you're feeding my kid (which means you're getting up all the time while I sleep).

I'm sorry that you aren't treated with the very basic human respect you deserve in this situation.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

FWIW there are many things that can burn out your sense of smell. Zinc deficiency, chemicals or fumes from work e.g. welding, electroplating. He might notice he's put on so much.


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