# Understanding your husband's sexual needs



## mike1 (Jun 15, 2009)

I found what I thought was one of the best articles on men's sexuality for women I've ever seen. It articulated so clearly what I feel and think for me personally I wanted to share it. 

It's written from a Christian perspective and by a woman which I think helps legitimize it for women reading it. I sent it to my wife but honestly I don't know if she even read it or will. Maybe it's something that can be useful for other wives to read so they can understand that we're actually not just animals but sex goes so much deeper for us and it's so critically important for our marriage. 

Understanding your husband's sexual needs


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## ku1980rose (Sep 7, 2010)

Thanks for posting. I haven't had a chance to read the entire thing yet, but what I have read sounds very helpful. Sometimes it just needs to be put in language that we can all understand. Sometimes men don't know how to describe what they need either.


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

I am learning. Why is sex a sin? God gives human being this privilege. I am sure He wants us to enjoy it. I think people made it a sin. In history, men made it a sin. So now modern men have to suffer from it because their ancestors made women feel sex is a sin. Eastern culture is the same. Women who are over 30 find it embarrassing talking about sex. The young generation is better. I don't think sex is a sin as long as it is between the husband and the wife. Who cares what they do in bed. Sex is important for men, it is also important for women. I hope men can understand this. Sometimes I think it is the man who doesn't know how to have sex, and his wife doesn't enjoy sex with him. It is easy for a man to have sex. Three steps. But it is not easy for a woman. We need to feel being loved. We need to be stroked. We need to be licked. We need to be caressed. We need that romantic feeling. Are men trying to understand women? Are men trying hard to make their women happy in bed? If a woman enjoys the sex they have, I doubt that she doesn't want to have sex with her man. I do hope that other women feel the same way. 

By the way, I am not trying to be nasty. I do want to find out more about men and women. I want to find out why men like to cheat and women feel helpless in their marriages.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

GP,
You put your husband first in your life. And he puts you first in his life. I really believe that doing so means that you end up loving each other outside the bedroom and inside the bedroom. How can I say I put my wife's happiness first if I do not learn how she likes to be kissed, touched, caressed. Or what she likes to talk about, or what games she likes to play. How can she say she puts me first if she ignores my need for us to connect a few times a week. 

Not only does my W put me first every day - she knows all the many things that make me happy as I know them about her. And she and I also know what makes each other unhappy. 




greenpearl said:


> I am learning. Why is sex a sin? God gives human being this privilege. I am sure He wants us to enjoy it. I think people made it a sin. In history, men made it a sin. So now modern men have to suffer from it because their ancestors made women feel sex is a sin. Eastern culture is the same. Women who are over 30 find it embarrassing talking about sex. The young generation is better. I don't think sex is a sin as long as it is between the husband and the wife. Who cares what they do in bed. Sex is important for men, it is also important for women. I hope men can understand this. Sometimes I think it is the man who doesn't know how to have sex, and his wife doesn't enjoy sex with him. It is easy for a man to have sex. Three steps. But it is not easy for a woman. We need to feel being loved. We need to be stroked. We need to be licked. We need to be caressed. We need that romantic feeling. Are men trying to understand women? Are men trying hard to make their women happy in bed? If a woman enjoys the sex they have, I doubt that she doesn't want to have sex with her man. I do hope that other women feel the same way.
> 
> By the way, I am not trying to be nasty. I do want to find out more about men and women. I want to find out why men like to cheat and women feel helpless in their marriages.


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

MEM11363 said:


> GP,
> You put your husband first in your life. And he puts you first in his life. I really believe that doing so means that you end up loving each other outside the bedroom and inside the bedroom. How can I say I put my wife's happiness first if I do not learn how she likes to be kissed, touched, caressed. Or what she likes to talk about, or what games she likes to play. How can she say she puts me first if she ignores my need for us to connect a few times a week.
> 
> Not only does my W put me first every day - she knows all the many things that make me happy as I know them about her. And she and I also know what makes each other unhappy.


Thank you a lot. What you said is really our life. My husband and I just love each other. At home or not at home. He knows what I like. I know what he likes. I do things for him. He does things for me. I don't say silly things he doesn't like to hear. He doesn't do anything which I don't like. He doesn't even come here and correct my grammar mistakes anymore. He just said I can say and type whatever I want to. Of course make silly mistakes too. Ha ha ha...............

I think you and I are lucky that we met the right spouses. It is always easy for us to be good when our spouses are good. But I have to be good first. If I want him to be sweet to me, I have to be sweet to him first. I don't want to be the one who makes the first silly mistake.


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## mommyof31982 (Sep 6, 2010)

that is an awesome article!


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

Great article, Mike. Thanks for posting it!


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## cherrypie18 (Feb 21, 2010)

Interesting article, but is there something like this for men who's women have a higher sex drive and are being neglected? 




greenpearl said:


> I am learning. Why is sex a sin? God gives human being this privilege. I am sure He wants us to enjoy it. I think people made it a sin. In history, men made it a sin. So now modern men have to suffer from it because their ancestors made women feel sex is a sin. Eastern culture is the same. Women who are over 30 find it embarrassing talking about sex. The young generation is better. I don't think sex is a sin as long as it is between the husband and the wife. Who cares what they do in bed. Sex is important for men, it is also important for women. I hope men can understand this. Sometimes I think it is the man who doesn't know how to have sex, and his wife doesn't enjoy sex with him. It is easy for a man to have sex. Three steps. But it is not easy for a woman. We need to feel being loved. We need to be stroked. We need to be licked. We need to be caressed. We need that romantic feeling. Are men trying to understand women? Are men trying hard to make their women happy in bed? If a woman enjoys the sex they have, I doubt that she doesn't want to have sex with her man. I do hope that other women feel the same way.
> 
> By the way, I am not trying to be nasty. I do want to find out more about men and women. I want to find out why men like to cheat and women feel helpless in their marriages.


MY personal interpretatin of sex being a sin and the whole bible restricting people doing certain things is that back in the days people did not use condoms, and they could very easily get infected with HIV and such, so the only way to prevent disease was not to have sex. 

People had pretty primitive ways of thinking and seeing things and not to complicate it with details, things were presented to them in a fairy tale like way. Just my opinion. Same goes with Noah's ark and all. I think it was sperms and eggs and not actual animals lol But since people back then had no way of imagining how this was possible, it was explained the same way you would tell a child. 

I mean, if you read ancient Greek mythology, they explain why there's rain 6 months a year (because a God is crying etc etc) and such. People did not really know the answers and even if they knew, they did not know how to present it to the people who were pretty narrow minded.

If they did not understand something, you would be prosecuted and hanged or whatever the punishment was at the time. 

Sleeping with your own family member is not allowed either because children will be born with genetic mutations. So the Bible forbids it for our own sake and many other such things 

Sex is not a sin, but if you're not careful, you will be "punished" by AIDS and what not. 

Sorry for going totally off topic there :scratchhead:


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

Thank you, cherrypie18! I learned a lot from you. I thought in history, men could have several women, so they could have whatever fun they wanted, but they didn't want us women to have fun, that's why they taught women sex was a sin. What you said explained a lot. I remembered that God wants the earth to be fruitful. Anyway, what happened has happened, we can't do anything to change it. 
Sex is important for men. It is really a torture if they don't get enough. But I have noticed something interesting. I see a lot of women say they don't get enough sex from their men. Their men don't want to have sex with them. It is interesting. Men are hungry for sex, but they don't want to be fed by their wives. I asked a lot of men for the reasons. They told me that they are bored. They don't like to eat the same dish everyday. They like challenges. They like to feel young again that's why they look for younger women. Many many reasons. I told them to have good hobbies, to read more books, to understand the importance not to cheat. Sigh..............men, women,................


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

If a woman doesn't feed her husband enough, and forces him to go else where to look for food. (within normal life) Then the woman shouldn't cry if her husband is not nice to her. She has taken away a lot of his joy.

If a woman is doing her job, and her man just uses lame excuses like: I am bored. I don't want to eat the same dish everyday. I want to seek younger women because I have middle age crisis. then we shouldn't be attached to men like these. Good men know clearly what they want from their wives, they should give their wives the same.


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## MotoDude (Sep 15, 2010)

I have forwarded this article to my wife and I don't think she read it yet or even care as sex isn't on her priority list. I like eating from the same dish if I can get it everyday.


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

Venusorguss said:


> I have forwarded this article to my wife and I don't think she read it yet or even care as sex isn't on her priority list. I like eating from the same dish if I can get it everyday.


For a lot of women, especially Chinese women, money is the most important thing in their life. I encountered a discussion forum for overseas Chinese, OH, My. Every day I saw women showing pictures of their COACHes OR LVs. I didn't even know that COACH is a popular brand name right now until I saw all those. So COACH is more popular than LV now? And very often I saw posts that they want their husbands to work hard and make more money. But the interesting part is, they also want their husbands to spend a lot of time with them. 
I can't be too critical of women. There are a lot of good and understanding wives. 
But my own opinion, in general, a lot of women are vain, they like to compare, they are jealous. They want to marry rich and powerful men. She feels great if her husband is more powerful than her friends'. She feels great if her husband makes more money than her friends'. But then they want the powerful man to be only hers. Then another ironic thing lies here, a powerful man usually is not satisfied with only one woman. If the man is greedy for money and thirsty for power, he tends not to be satisfied with only one woman. Then the woman cries that her husband cheats on her. 
Sigh.....................life........................


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

And she feels, after she secures the man with a certificate, she has the right to own him. How can you secure a man if you don't even know that he needs a lot of sex. 
But after reading a lot of posts, I see a lot of men don't want to have sex with their wives. Why?????????????????? I want to ask men!!!


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## MotoDude (Sep 15, 2010)

greenpearl said:


> For a lot of women, especially Chinese women, money is the most important thing in their life. I encountered a discussion forum for overseas Chinese, OH, My. Every day I saw women showing pictures of their COACHes OR LVs. I didn't even know that COACH is a popular brand name right now until I saw all those. So COACH is more popular than LV now? And very often I saw posts that they want their husbands to work hard and make more money. But the interesting part is, they also want their husbands to spend a lot of time with them.
> I can't be too critical of women. There are a lot of good and understanding wives.
> But my own opinion, in general, a lot of women are vain, they like to compare, they are jealous. They want to marry rich and powerful men. She feels great if her husband is more powerful than her friends'. She feels great if her husband makes more money than her friends'. But then they want the powerful man to be only hers. Then another ironic thing lies here, a powerful man usually is not satisfied with only one woman. If the man is greedy for money and thirsty for power, he tends not to be satisfied with only one woman. Then the woman cries that her husband cheats on her.
> Sigh.....................life........................


You hit the nail with this one....I remember when her mom visited from Taiwan and at the same time we also had a college friend visit. He said he got a good job and some great bonus and immediately both my wife and her mom turn and look at me. At that moment I knew in their head thinking how come he does better then you.


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

Venusorguss said:


> You hit the nail with this one....I remember when her mom visited from Taiwan and at the same time we also had a college friend visit. He said he got a good job and some great bonus and immediately both my wife and her mom turn and look at me. At that moment I knew in their head thinking how come he does better then you.


I will talk about this at 
How I treat my husband!

Since what we are discussing is off topic.


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## Nine-E (Oct 7, 2008)

This is a great article. I can't speak to the religious parts of it, but as far as understanding men it is really accurate. The most important points, to me, are these:

_A man's ability to perform sexually, to arouse and please his wife, is central to his confidence as a man. The impact ripples into practically every other area of his life._

What do women value in a man? Most will put confidence near the top of the list. No sex, infrequent sex, or unsatisfying sex will destroy a man's confidence. Your man will be that confident stud you want as long as his sexual needs are satisfied. 

_One of the biggest differences between you and your husband is the fact that he experiences sex as a legitimate physical need. Just as your body tells you when you're hungry, thirsty, or tired, your husband's body tells him when he needs a sexual release. _

This seems to be extremely difficult for woman to understand, but putting it in terms of hunger I think is the best way to wrap your brain around it. It is physical. Suppose you've spent the whole day at Disneyland with your family, but have not eaten since the day before. Are you having fun? Probably. But there's that nagging hunger in your gut that is constantly distracting you. If only it could be satisfied your whole outlook would change. You'd be happier, easier to get along with. You be feeling more balanced. A horny man is a man that feels out of balance. 

_The lack of regular sex is a significant barrier to emotional connectedness and intimacy for men._

A man simply cannot feel close to his wife if they're not being sexually intimate. 

And to answer the question: Why don't men want to have sex with their wives? See the first point above. If he feels you are just letting him do you, and you don't participate, you don't seem to care, you don't initiate new and creative ways to please each other, and you aren't honestly aroused and having a blast, it will not satisfy him and his self-esteem will plummet. Make his sex life more interesting and *show your enthusiasm *and he'll be all over you. 

- Nine-E


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## marcopoly69 (Sep 7, 2010)

greenpearl said:


> Thank you, cherrypie18! I learned a lot from you. I thought in history, men could have several women, so they could have whatever fun they wanted, but they didn't want us women to have fun, that's why they taught women sex was a sin. What you said explained a lot. I remembered that God wants the earth to be fruitful. Anyway, what happened has happened, we can't do anything to change it.
> Sex is important for men. It is really a torture if they don't get enough. But I have noticed something interesting. I see a lot of women say they don't get enough sex from their men. Their men don't want to have sex with them. It is interesting. Men are hungry for sex, but they don't want to be fed by their wives. I asked a lot of men for the reasons. They told me that they are bored. They don't like to eat the same dish everyday. They like challenges. They like to feel young again that's why they look for younger women. Many many reasons. I told them to have good hobbies, to read more books, to understand the importance not to cheat. Sigh..............men, women,................


Main reason, there is no communication about what one can do to make happy the other...I communicate a lot with my wife...it has been difficult and a lot of crying and sad moments....she is very naive and took a long time to realize that she needed to step up and love me the way I need to be loved....everything on the table....to me is about given yourself to the other completly and open your mind and your desire to try new things....there are limits, however, how far you can push it...but usually those limits are the same for both of you re out of questions: threesomes...


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

marcopoly69 said:


> Main reason, there is no communication about what one can do to make happy the other...I communicate a lot with my wife...it has been difficult and a lot of crying and sad moments....she is very naive and took a long time to realize that she needed to step up and love me the way I need to be loved....everything on the table....to me is about given yourself to the other completly and open your mind and your desire to try new things....there are limits, however, how far you can push it...but usually those limits are the same for both of you re out of questions: threesomes...


Communications are very important for a couple. Once I read an article that silence treatment really kill people's marriages. I don't know for other cultures, Chinese couples can ignore each other for days and weeks. I can't stop talking to my husband for ten minutes. I mean when I get upset, he has to find a way to calm me down. Our marriage journey is so long that we have to find many ways to make us pleasant around each other. We have to tell each other what we like and what we don't like and try to meet the needs of each other. We have to make them happy. If it is within our ability to give, then give, give as much as we can. 
But now I know clearly, never express myself in a negative way. I learned not to scream or yell, learned not to accuse, just say. That's what my husband does. He doesn't like it if I use my anger to express myself. I really appreciate him for being calm when he is upset with me. He just tells me he doesn't like it. And I get the hint. And I won't act the same way again. 
I like men who try to make their wives happy. I like women who try to make their husbands happy! I like happy marriages.


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## Seppuku (Sep 22, 2010)

Being a Christian (and considering myself to be very level-headed) I can share what my personal view is.

Fornication (sex out of wedlock) is historically considered a sin; probably it helped to keep families together and prevent the spread of disease, and likely a lot of the so-called "baby momma drama."

Anyway, I believe abstinence before marriage is the correct course of action regardless of your particular faith or religious beliefs, and my current situation highlights the reasons why I believe this.

Currently having sexual problems with my wife, and us both being each other's first and only, I can't even imagine what kind of complications would have arisen if we'd had other partners in the past. Men in particular seem to have a nagging need to compare; Is mine really the biggest she's ever seen? Am I better than him? Did he do this with her? Does she compare me to him?

This propensity is not healthy, although for many people it is unavoidable. While this is not a judgment of the actions of others, personally I am glad that I don't have such an experience; my wife is all I know and I'm all she knows - there is no "greener grass."

Just my opinion, feel free to comment.


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## Crazytown (Sep 27, 2010)

This article really helped me a lot as well.
I didn't realize that sex was a physical need for men the way that the article explained. 
Or, that his confidence is directly related to sex.


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## Sara Ann (Aug 27, 2010)

I don't know if that article is true for all men. My H has less of a need for sex than I do. If I don't get that intimacy with him when I need it, I am grumpy and upset, and when I get it I am happy for days. Sometimes he has sex with me when he is not turned on, just to please me, and then his erections are soft or they go away. Sometimes they come back, not always. I appreciate he tries to please me anyway.

I've had so many partners, men and women (orgies, business arrangements, etc) , I lost count, and my H does not care, he knows and married me anyway. I don't care about his other partners, other than I figure I am better than they, because he chose me. He may think he is better than they, because I chose him. I always tell him what a great lover he is, the best, and that is the best comparison he could have. I think it depends on the man - I can see why some men would want a virgin wife.


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