# Is it wrong for me to get annoyed at girlfriend asking for rides?



## jun3133 (Apr 9, 2018)

So my girlfriend of 3+ years is now 28 and she has never driven a car in the States (she is originally from overseas and on a visa). Everyday for the last 3 years (5 years if counting years I was not with her), she has taken uber/lyft or gotten rides from me to and from work, to the market, shopping, to random places.

I work about 1 hour away from her in LA Traffic (opposite direction as my work) and occasionally I get off work before she does. She expects me to drive to her work after I get off, and pick her up and take her home. It already takes me 45 minutes to get home from my work, but it would take an additional 50 minutes at the very least, of driving just to pick her up and go home. If I don't pick her up she gets angry and says that I don't love her. She even told one of her friends that I don't do this for her and her friend told her to break up with me. I was irate.

On top of this, her uber account got disabled for some reason, so she asks me to logon to uber occasionally to call rides for her from my location. 

This weekend, I knew she was going to some cooking/ceramic class but I told her I had to go home and she got extremely upset. Everytime I dont give her a ride, she always says "if you loved me you would think of giving me a ride." or "is it so hard to give me a ride once?". No matter what I tell her, she keeps telling me that its because i dont think about her/love her enough.

Now I don't mind driving when we are going places together like the movies, shopping etc as I feel like guys should be doing that anyways. However, when she constantly expects me to pick her up when I am home, thats what annoys me. She never ever feels bad for asking me to pick her up.

We have plans for marriage. Now I am sitting here worried if she can even go to the grocery store alone later. It makes me frustrated. Am I being weird here?


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

You got insurance? Teach her how to drive.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

RandomDude said:


> You got insurance? Teach her how to drive.


*Either way, the auto insurance rates are going to go up proportionately because of either multi-drivers/vehicles or because of the increase in mileage on your vehicle by you in the process of habitually picking her up, coupled with her personal Uber usage!

Wouldn't you think that the latter of the two would be far less expensive for you?*


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Tell her to get a driving license, she has you by the short and curlies. Tell her that you not wanting to spend a long time in traffic has no correlation to how much you love her and if she cannot see that maybe you should not be getting married. Is she working? Time for her to grow up, she will regret not knowing how to drive later on when you have kids, etc. Has she thought about that?


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Dropping her to a class, friends house or shopping and picking her up sometimes shouldn't be an issue. But drive an extra four hours a day, every day to take her to work and pick her up?? Wtf? No.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

No, it isn't wrong. But it's a preview of what life will be like going forward.


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## stro (Feb 7, 2018)

what effort is she making to remedy this herself? Perhaps getting a driver license? Her statement that you don’t love her if you aren’t willing to do that every day is immature. Once in a while? Ok, I get that. But not all the time. Good luck going forward with her if that is how she tries to get you to do things for her.


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## NickyT (Aug 14, 2017)

NO, you are not wrong to be annoyed. Sounds to me like she wants you to solve her problems for her. She needs to take responsibility for her life. RED FLAG.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Openminded said:


> No, it isn't wrong. But it's a preview of what life will be like going forward.


This is true. Maybe the two of you should consider living in places where there is better public transportation.

After having driven or cycled on the left hand side of the ride for more than 20 years, I do not want to drive again and this is what my husband and I consider when we choose a place to live. 

OTOH, for every time she accuses you of not loving her enough, you could point out that in the US women have been allowed to drive for more than a century and that's what you're used to.


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## TheDudeLebowski (Oct 10, 2017)

Emotional blackmail is disgusting behaviour for a partner. When she doesn't get her way she resorts to this tactic. Thats grounds to walk away in my eyes. Guilt free. Let some other poor schmuck he her personal chauffeur.


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

Is there a bus or a commuter train available?

I've been driving for decades but still use those so as to not thrash my car as much.

Personally, if it were me? I would not want take on the burden of driving her around. And if her Uber account is disabled, does that mean she didn't have sufficient funds in the card linked to it?

You have more here to think about than just driving her around.


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## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

Openminded said:


> it's a preview of what life will be like going forward.


BTDT.

And, I'm here to tell you, that the preview is only showing a small percentage of the ways in which this woman, once she gets you to an altar, will fall on you like a ton of bricks, expecting you to resolve her every issue, by the expenditure of both your time and your money.

Run like hell. She is "entitled". Do not waste one more minute of your time. Find a woman who takes responsibility for herself. 

If you choose this rut, you will be in it for the next 200 miles.


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## oldtruck (Feb 15, 2018)

The most important fact was never volunteered
And no has asked the important question.

Why does she not get a license?


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## Windwalker (Mar 19, 2014)

Bunch of red flags here if you ask me.

Why doesn't she have a license?

Why is she not self sufficient?

Why do you allow her to emotionally blackmail you?

Why are you even considering marriage to someone that uses the emotional blackmail tactic?

This is just the tip of the iceberg. It will get worse the second you tie that ball and chain around your neck.

One word.
RUN!


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## ButWeAreStrange (Feb 2, 2018)

Did she drive in her home country prior to coming to the states? Aside from the emotional blackmail/being used to just getting rides from you, it sounds like she might also not be confident in herself as a driver. 

Is there a reason why she is not taking public transit or finding coworkers to carpool with? Since she seems to be holding it against you if you don't supply her ride, does she come from a culture where that is an expected part of partnership? 

Try to find ways to encourage her to become more independent, especially if you live in the LA area. Either through driving lessons, public transit, or finding someone to carpool with, she can't rely on you solely to get her from point A to point B. At this point it honestly just sounds like she's too comfortable in the position of power she's held as a passenger, but it could be the other factors. 

At the end of the day, if you're considering marriage you will also have to consider the fact that if she chooses not to become independent, then you'll be her personal driver forever. Is that something you're really willing (and comfortable) with having to add to marriage vows? If it bothers you now, it'll be worse later on, especially if you end up having children and join the iconic minivan world of carpools, play-dates and sports events.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Windwalker said:


> Bunch of red flags here if you ask me.
> 
> Why doesn't she have a license?
> 
> ...


Is she using you for a while....when she gets a license and car, will she be as available? Sorry, that's a hard question.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

> I work about 1 hour away from her in LA Traffic (opposite direction as my work) and occasionally I get off work before she does. She expects me to drive to her work after I get off, and pick her up and take her home.


If you are fighting over stuff like this now, imagine what it will be like when you have really important stuff like children, their education, getting them to school or soccer practice, etc. Who is going to take the day off work to stay home with the sick child or teke them to a doctor appointment. 

You need to figure out how to talk about this, negotiate this as it will give you some skills you will later need in your marriage.

Good luck.


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