# Get Over It, Or Move Out



## BrokenMan (Nov 26, 2011)

That's what she said. My cheating wife said to me on New Years Day "You have two options. Get over it, or move out."

I have been following the advice of the 180. My WW has made absolutely no effort AT ALL. She wrote me a letter a day or two before Christmas telling me how sorry she was, how I can have access to all her passwords etc, and I am free to look at her mobile at any time. I said that actions speak louder than words, and I now struggle to believe anything she says. She said she'll prove it to me.

Fast forward less than three days, she rants and raves at me that I have no right to any of her passwords etc, and cannot look at her phone (which she hides). She says she has a right to a life. Please bare in mind that I hadn't actually looked at her mobile, or even been on the computer. Then a day or two later she's sorry and I can have access etc. Then the New Years Day comment. What is going on? Why is she up and down like this?

She seems to think that I should just forget about all this, that she has suffered enough. What have I done to make her suffer? I have just followed the 180.

One further thing. We were invited to her sister's house on 2nd Jan for a little family get together. As a result of WW's lying, her sister's husband (having had too much to drink), started shouting and swearing at me, and then tried attacking me! Everything he said was complete and utter BS, and it was all things she had told him recently. She had told them all that I was the one messing about, and that she believed I had got another woman pregnant.

I just let him say his piece. I didn't argue, retaliate, or bad mouth anyone. I told them to put him to bed, I collected my coat and left.

If it wasn't for the kids, I would do the same with my marriage. Just collect my coat and leave.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

No! Either she makes the effort to R or SHE moves out. Who is the one who cheated here, her or you? As the betrayed spouse here, it should be your way or the highway.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## BrokenMan (Nov 26, 2011)

Thanks LordMayhem. I'm completely stumped by her actions.


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## snap (Oct 3, 2011)

BrokenMan said:


> She says she has a right to a life. Please bare in mind that I hadn't actually looked at her mobile, or even been on the computer. Then a day or two later she's sorry and I can have access etc. Then the New Years Day comment. What is going on? Why is she up and down like this?


Most likely she is continuing the affair. When she communicates with her AP she is all in for privacy, but when they're in a lull or had an argument you are allowed to have a look (at tumbleweed in her thoroughly cleaned inbox).

You should tap everything you can and get a VAR. Her blameshifting on you that you experienced at the dinner is a sign of things to come, and you don't have a proof to the contrary.


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## BrokenMan (Nov 26, 2011)

Getting hold of the equipment needed is tricky. I am the "bread-winner" and my income is all we have and things are tight. She would notice if I have spent a large amount of money.

Luckily, I spoke to the MD where I work when all of this kicked off. He said that he would help me where he can, and would save some of my wages for me. It gives me peace of mind just in case she throws me out, as I will have enough money for a deposit on a flat.


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## snap (Oct 3, 2011)

A voice activated recorder can be bought really cheap these days, $30-50. It can save you much more money (and heartache) in the long run. There is no excuse for not getting one in your situation.


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## BrokenMan (Nov 26, 2011)

I'll get one. I'm in the UK. Any recommendations?


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

I'm sorry. How long ago was Dday? How long was her affaair? How did you discover it? She is acting typically for a wayward. Her unwillingness to share her mobile and passwords may mean she is still having an affair. Do you know the OM? She prob badmouthed u a lot to her family in order to justfy the affair.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## snap (Oct 3, 2011)

BrokenMan said:


> I'll get one. I'm in the UK. Any recommendations?


Not in the UK, but I simply went to a hardware/electronics store here and got one. You can find a better deal at Amazon, but you don't have a luxury of time, and postage will take some days. If you order online, make sure it's not to your home address.


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## BrokenMan (Nov 26, 2011)

She has been telling her family all sorts, and it is just to justify her affair to herself. D-day was in November. She went away for the weekend to meet (and sleep with) her OM. I found out a day or two after she returned (I found a secret phone that she had after it had beeped in the bedroom). She says she met this man on tagged and it went from there (one to two years).

What really got to me was how hard I had been trying before she went away. She had been really nasty to me, and kept going on about a divorce. I tried so hard to change her mind. I cooked romantic meals, did all the housework, tried so hard. And all the time she had this man on her mind. Then after I found out, she swore she'd stop contacting him. Claimed no contact, but I found out after two or three weeks that they had been texting and calling each other daily.

It's still raw, but I no longer tell her or show her how much it hurts (180).


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## BrokenMan (Nov 26, 2011)

I've looked on Amazon, and can get it next day delivery. But it's £70. I can get a 2nd hand one for £40. I just don't know enough about these things. They call them dictaphones. Will they have a good enough range to pick up what she says? Some of them beep when they start up. If she finds it, I will be in deep trouble.


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## snap (Oct 3, 2011)

This one worked for me.


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## snap (Oct 3, 2011)

You can turn all the beeps and the lights off. Enable High Sensitivity mode, Voice Operated Mode and Noise Reduction. It's all in the manual.


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## BrokenMan (Nov 26, 2011)

Thanks snap. A good friend of mine has an amazon account, and was happy to order it for me. Thanks again.


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## ing (Mar 26, 2011)

You Stay in the home. If she wants to continue the affair. She leaves.
She gets over him. or you pack her bags.

How long has this been going on?


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## BrokenMan (Nov 26, 2011)

I found out in November, but she claimed they became friends through tagged. She quit that site nearly 2 years ago. She claims it was only occasional emails, and that it only got serious this year. That made me feel loads better!

She really does fail to grasp what she has done. She feels I should let this go; that I have punished her enough. I haven't punished her at all. I've followed the 180 to the letter. I've not been horrible or nasty, I've just not chased or pursued her.

She packed her bags the other day and said she was leaving. I didn't try to stop her. I said that work would be ok with me working more flexible hours and that of course I would let her see the kids. She then sat down and didn't leave. Shame.


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## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

She is totally baiting you. She is working on you to give up. DO NOT LET HER WEAR YOU DOWN. You have to take some "me" time. Your 180 must be exhausting with such an "entitled cheater". Her "get over it" attitude, basically proves that she has learned nothing and is in danger of doing the same thing again. Give her nothing. You should have already shut off her access to YOUR money. You give her a budget. She makes a list of what she needs and you go shopping. ZERO cash. You are not denying her anything. You are just making her account for EVERYTHING. She will wail and moan. Next time she tries to pressure you about "get over it". Tell her you are getting over it. One of the ways is by you cutting of her access.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

Okay, I had to go over your other two threads:

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/35389-no-remorse.html

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/36319-what-would-you-do.html

Now I remember your story. Your WW is the one who cheated on you with OM1, OM2, OM3 & OM4 *before you were even married*. Your WW is a totally unremorseful serial cheater. Why are you stumped by her actions? You were given good advice, and it seems that you tried to R with a person that was not interested in R. 

Understand this: *You cannot force her to love you*. You can only show her the consequence of her actions. And her actions are clear: All she wants is the security of marriage, but the freedom to fool around with any man she fancies. She is in short, a cake eater. She threatened to leave and you told her to leave, right? But she didn't. That should tell you right there she is a cake eater. The threat to leave was to keep you in line. Remember this chart?










All she wants to do is sweep this under the rug, and continue the affair with the OM or move on to a new OM. To her, you are nothing but the guy that finances her affairs and pays the bills, a cuckold. She refuses to even write the NC letter, and now refuses to be transparent.

*And she wants YOU to move out? WTF?* 

Why are you taking this from her? She demonized you quite nicely to her sister and brother in law, to the point that BIL tried to kick your ass. How much more punishment can you take before you man up? 

Tell her again to take her unremorseful cheating, rug sweeping bum out the door. Stand up for yourself, or forever be in agony like this while she plays with OM while you meekly stay at home and finance her affairs.


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## COguy (Dec 1, 2011)

I'm all for reconciliation but you said D-day was in November and they were still talking daily for 2-3 weeks? Umm sorry but she's not anywhere near remorseful.

You're trying to save a marriage that doesn't exist at this point. You're acting as if you're back together but she's still involved in the affair. You need to act as if you never had a d-day, because you truly have not.

You don't even need a VAR, you already have the evidence they were talking daily. What more are you expecting to find out?

Don't take the password transparency thing as remorse, it's obvious she's only doing it when there's nothing to show. She knows how to get a fake phone, she's not going to let you see anything she doesn't want. She's still clinging to a sense of privacy that she's not entitled to.

Make her move out until she wants to commit to the marriage 100%. Be willing to accept she may not get there......


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

BrokenMan said:


> She has been telling her family all sorts, and it is just to justify her affair to herself. D-day was in November. She went away for the weekend to meet (and sleep with) her OM. I found out a day or two after she returned (I found a secret phone that she had after it had beeped in the bedroom). She says she met this man on tagged and it went from there (one to two years).
> 
> What really got to me was how hard I had been trying before she went away. She had been really nasty to me, and kept going on about a divorce. I tried so hard to change her mind. I cooked romantic meals, did all the housework, tried so hard. And all the time she had this man on her mind. Then after I found out, she swore she'd stop contacting him. Claimed no contact, but I found out after two or three weeks that they had been texting and calling each other daily.
> 
> It's still raw, but I no longer tell her or show her how much it hurts (180).



Ok, you've learned a few important things from this:

1. She's still carrying on the affair

2. Treating her like a princess and being nice to her only enables the affair and fuels her sense of justification and entitlement

3. the affair has been going on for more than a year and she has not yet fully told you the truth.

----

Find the OM. However you must do it, find him and end expose the affair and him. Expose to those in his life and expose to her family.

Stop being a nice pasty. Until she ends the affair, which she has not, you cannot begin to work on the marriage because all her passion and energy is going into the affair and protecting it.

You've known since November. That means that for more than 2 months she's continued cheating even though her husband knows it. And you've allowed it to happen. In her eyes being nice, and letting the affair continue has made you a despicable weak pathetic man. If you want to save the marriage you need to turn around how she sees you. To do that you must stop in any way accepting her continued cheating. 

You make the money. Cancel her access to all credit and cash. You buy the food or setup an account at the market.

You make the money. Cancel her cellphone and internet access.

You make the money. Take away her access to a car if she is using it to meet up with him.

Find out where she is going to meet him. Find him. End this affair.

Oh,and you never ever move. If she doesn't end the affair TODAY she leaves with the clothes she can carry and the shirt on her back. No money, credit, or children leave with her however.


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## BrokenMan (Nov 26, 2011)

Brutal words LordMayhem and COguy. I'm not acting like we're back together. I sleep downstairs, wash all my own clothes, no physical intimacy. I have filed a petition for divorce. I refuse to move out. She will not move out. She threatens it in one breathe, then in the next completely refuses to leave, saying that it is her house. I followed the advice that was given on this site, but my WW is playing hardball.

She wants to sweep it under the rug, I wont let her.
She wants me to get over it, I won't.
She wants this, she wants that. I refuse.

I am not kowtowing to her. I am not condoning what she has done and I am not playing her games. My primary (and only concern) are my children.

By stumped by her actions I mean how can anyone do the things she has done? I am not a bad man so why treat me like this?


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

BrokenMan said:


> By stumped by her actions I mean how can anyone do the things she has done? I am not a bad man so why treat me like this?


It is 100% about her actually. She decided very selfishly to cheat. She decided that she was entitled to have an affair and live a very selfish lie while having you provide the $$ and take care of the kids.

She's continuing to act like she does because the affair is still alive. She may have stopped talking to him for a day to two, but the minute she refused to let you see the phone or have the passwords etc, was when you knew that it was still going on.

As other BS have noted, there is a definite change in a WS's behavior both when they truly are remorseful, but also when they slip an break no contact. She very clearly has resumed full contact with him.

She isn't going to end it on her own. You will have to play very hardball - including finding him and exposing the affair. This should be your #1 priority now.


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## BrokenMan (Nov 26, 2011)

Thanks Shaggy. I have all the info about her OM. I posted about it.

The romantic meals etc were before she went away. I didn't know at the time that she was arranging a meet with him. He lives down the other end of the country, and the time in November was their first meeting (although they had been having an EA). She doesn't drive so she hasn't gone to him, and I doubt he has been up here, but I can't be certain.

No matter what I tell her family, they believe her over me, which I suppose is understandable given the amount of bad mouthing she has done. I am yet to tell my parents the full story.... I'm not sure why, I guess I just worry what it'll do to them.


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## COguy (Dec 1, 2011)

BrokenMan said:


> Brutal words LordMayhem and COguy. I'm not acting like we're back together. I sleep downstairs, wash all my own clothes, no physical intimacy. I have filed a petition for divorce. I refuse to move out. She will not move out. She threatens it in one breathe, then in the next completely refuses to leave, saying that it is her house. I followed the advice that was given on this site, but my WW is playing hardball.
> 
> She wants to sweep it under the rug, I wont let her.
> She wants me to get over it, I won't.
> ...


She's in the fog, that's how. Why do people give up their jobs, families, significant others for a hit on a crack pipe, or bottle of vodka?

I'm puzzled because you say you WOULD collect your coat and leave and want a VAR. If you're done, why do you care about the VAR and worry at all about what your wife does or says? If you're truly done, you wouldn't care if she kept seeing OM.

I don't think you're truly done yet, just my feeling from what you're writing. I think you wish she would come back to you. Or maybe you're looking for more proof so that you can feel justified in leaving? Don't worry about your kids, I think it's far more harmful to model your existing relationship to them than to live in different homes. If you really want to leave, just get the papers filed as quickly as possible, you don't need any more reason than she has given you. If you're expecting her to come back to you, you should plan that she will not.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Ok, you have his address and info.

Is he married or with a GF? Why have you not expose him to her ?


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

BrokenMan said:


> By stumped by her actions I mean how can anyone do the things she has done? I am not a bad man so why treat me like this?


That question has been asked almost literally a million times on this board. Part of it is she is just plain selfish. The other part is brain and physical chemistry, which gives rush and excitement of having an affair. When a person is in an affair, the feel good chemicals like dopamine and seratonin are secreted into the brain as a result of the excitement from hiding and sneaking around. Then there are the chemicals in semen, which is absorbed thru the vagina that add to this. All this combined becomes an addiction, which is why cheaters act exactly like drug addicts, and when cut off from it, they go into withdrawal.

Your WW has had *multiple affairs*. She's addicted to the cheating, the thrill of the chase, being pursued and being the pursuer. She will not ever be faithful to one man. Something is broken within her and you cannot fix her. She needs professional psychiatric help.

So she would have cheated regardless if you are a good man or a bad man. Don't blame yourself. If you hadn't married her, she would have cheated on someone else. This is who she is.


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## BrokenMan (Nov 26, 2011)

Her OM's partner already knew, as he had done it already. At the time I was relieved about that, thinking he would be less likely to pursue my wife, but it appears not so.

The VAR is for my peace of mind. It will prove I'm not cracking up. Also, she never admits to anything until or unless I can prove it 100%. She'll lie right up to the end. If it wasn't for the kids, I would have just gone. But if I walk out and away from the house, I will have the fight of my life for my children.

You are right. Part of me wants her to just get out of this fog and be the wife she should be. Maybe that's why I haven't told my family. I hate the thought of giving up. I love her. But I know she is not the woman I need/want/thought she was. I should have left after EA no1.


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## snap (Oct 3, 2011)

VAR will be helpful if he wants to undo the damage to his name that the WW has done. He didn't expose initially, and his wife now painted him as a cheating bastard to everyone. It is hard to reverse the trend now without soild evidence.


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## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

BrokenMan said:


> As a result of WW's lying, her sister's husband (having had too much to drink), started shouting and swearing at me, and then tried attacking me! Everything he said was complete and utter BS, and it was all things she had told him recently. She had told them all that I was the one messing about, and that she believed I had got another woman pregnant.
> 
> I just let him say his piece. I didn't argue, retaliate, or bad mouth anyone. I told them to put him to bed, I collected my coat and left.


If you care about your kids and what they will think when they grow up, it is important that you correct the record right now with the entire family. For starters take a copy of the Christmas letter that your wife sent you and any other evidence that you have and show them to her sister's husband. I cannot tell you how important it is for you to not let her get away with this. Do this now. Do not tell your wife that you will be doing this. Just do it. You will not regret it in the long run.


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## COguy (Dec 1, 2011)

BrokenMan said:


> Her OM's partner already knew, as he had done it already. At the time I was relieved about that, thinking he would be less likely to pursue my wife, but it appears not so.
> 
> The VAR is for my peace of mind. It will prove I'm not cracking up. *Also, she never admits to anything until or unless I can prove it 100%. She'll lie right up to the end. If it wasn't for the kids, I would have just gone. But if I walk out and away from the house, I will have the fight of my life for my children.*
> 
> You are right. Part of me wants her to just get out of this fog and be the wife she should be. Maybe that's why I haven't told my family. I hate the thought of giving up. I love her. But I know she is not the woman I need/want/thought she was. I should have left after EA no1.


She's not admitting because she's still in the affair, you don't need to justify your reason for leaving any longer.

You need to leave FOR your kids. You are modelling them how spouses should treat eachother. It is much better that you live apart and model them no behavior then show them implicitly that it is ok to live together in hopeless marriages or cheating on your spouse has no real consequence.


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## COguy (Dec 1, 2011)

lordmayhem said:


> Your WW has had *multiple affairs*. She's addicted to the cheating, the thrill of the chase, being pursued and being the pursuer. She will not ever be faithful to one man. Something is broken within her and you cannot fix her. She needs professional psychiatric help.
> 
> So she would have cheated regardless if you are a good man or a bad man. Don't blame yourself. If you hadn't married her, she would have cheated on someone else. This is who she is.


I usually agree with what you write 100% but I don't see anything in his post to suggest that his wife is a serial cheater. Not saying that she isn't or that she doesn't have issues that need to be fixed (she clearly does), but we don't know enough about the situation to say that she's just a serial cheater and nothing could be done about it.

The only thing we do know for sure is that she did cheat and she's still in the middle of an affair. She's addicted to what she's involved in right now undoubtedly.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

COguy said:


> I usually agree with what you write 100% but I don't see anything in his post to suggest that his wife is a serial cheater. Not saying that she isn't or that she doesn't have issues that need to be fixed (she clearly does), but we don't know enough about the situation to say that she's just a serial cheater and nothing could be done about it.
> 
> The only thing we do know for sure is that she did cheat and she's still in the middle of an affair. She's addicted to what she's involved in right now undoubtedly.


Sorry but lordmayhem is correct, she IS a serial cheater. Go to BrokenMan's first post on his thread titled 'No Remorse' and you will see for yourself that she is one evil woman.


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## COguy (Dec 1, 2011)

morituri said:


> Sorry but lordmayhem is correct, she IS a serial cheater. Go to BrokenMan's first post on his thread titled 'No Remorse' and you will see for yourself that she is one evil woman.


Sorry I am bad at linking people's other threads together. Lordmayhem you are absolutely right on.

Holy crap what else do you need BrokenMan? Please for the love of God file the divorce papers today, do not look back, and just encourage this woman to get psychiatric help. You didn't do anything to cause this, your wife is not set up for marriage. Treat her with respect and lovingly, but do not take your marriage problems personally. You need to walk away from the thought of staying married to this woman or you will be dealing with a lifetime full of pain.


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## bryanp (Aug 25, 2011)

Why have you not exposed this affair to her family and friends? No consequences to her actions equals no motivation to change. If the roles had been reversed do you think that she would be as accepting as you? Why are you sleeping down stairs? Clearly she has no respect for you whatsoever. If you do not respect yourself then who will? Good luck.


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## BrokenMan (Nov 26, 2011)

LordMayhem is right. He has advised me all the way through this. She had a number of EAs, and the opportunity came up for her to take one further. I am in limbo. She wont leave the house and I wont leave house. What do I do?


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

COguy said:


> Sorry I am bad at linking people's other threads together. Lordmayhem you are absolutely right on.
> 
> Holy crap what else do you need BrokenMan? Please for the love of God file the divorce papers today, do not look back, and just encourage this woman to get psychiatric help. You didn't do anything to cause this, your wife is not set up for marriage. Treat her with respect and lovingly, but do not take your marriage problems personally. You need to walk away from the thought of staying married to this woman or you will be dealing with a lifetime full of pain.


:iagree:

BrokenMan please contact a father's rights solicitor - a proven 'shark' - and start an aggressive divorce plan of action.


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## working_together (Oct 16, 2011)

Shaggy said:


> Ok, you've learned a few important things from this:
> 
> 1. She's still carrying on the affair
> 
> ...


I agree completely with this, yeah, it's tough, but right now she's deep in the fog and couldn't care less about what she needs to do to show any remorse. She has taken the affair underground. Remember it's not just about being transparent, it's all the actions she needs to show you that she is committed to work on the marriage.

Everything she is saying and demonstrating is typical of WS.

All the best,


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## Saki (Dec 7, 2011)

BrokenMan said:


> LordMayhem is right. He has advised me all the way through this. She had a number of EAs, and the opportunity came up for her to take one further. I am in limbo. She wont leave the house and I wont leave house. What do I do?


Stay in your house. Do not leave.

Read up on "fitness tests". Search these forums for that term, as well ast the term "gaslighting". Go look up my first post to this forum and read what these guys told me. 

Your wife will act predictably. You need to know the script she will follow. It is easy to learn to identify the times she is trying to manipulate you and how to deal with that.

As for you, keep your contact with her to a minimum. I say lie low for a couple days. You need to learn to follow your heart and to gain the conviction and personal confidence you are going to need to do whatever is necessary to make your life better. Take care of yourself and start with the 180.

Get this book. Lock yourself in a room and read it. Twice. No More Mr. Nice Guy! - Buy The Book

You are a doormat. You let your wife treat you this way. You need to learn how to empower yourself. Start making this about YOU not her.


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## COguy (Dec 1, 2011)

BrokenMan said:


> LordMayhem is right. He has advised me all the way through this. She had a number of EAs, and the opportunity came up for her to take one further. I am in limbo. She wont leave the house and I wont leave house. What do I do?


Do what Morituri said, hire a shark lawyer. You have certain rights. Keep all the stuff you have as evidence for the divorce proceedings. If she wants to keep other men in her life she has no right to stall on the divorce.

I know that's difficult to do for you because you love her and she probably knows what she's doing and deep down does care about you, but you can't live like this. You need to get out of this. You won't think clearly because your addiction to her is similar to her addiction to cheating. That feeling you get when she comes back to you and tells you she loves you and how she screwed up, it's got you hooked into staying into a toxic marriage.

You need to get a good divorce lawyer, find out your rights, and get out of this as quickly as possible so you can get your head screwed on straight.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Saki said:


> Stay in your house. Do not leave.
> 
> Read up on "fitness tests". Search these forums for that term, as well ast the term "gaslighting". Go look up my first post to this forum and read what these guys told me.
> 
> ...


:iagree:

BTW you can download and print a free copy of Dr Robert Glover's book "*No More Mr Nice Guy*".


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## vickyyy (Oct 28, 2011)

She is disrespecting you in front of whole family.stop this.

Stop behaving like doormat and Man up.

Ask her to find a job and pay half of expenses.separate your finances.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Tell her to leave. You ain't goin nowhere!

vicky's right--stop being a doormat, put your pants on and tell her you aren't down with this. You won't live in an open marriage and won't be lied to.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Do you see what the ladies are saying?


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## BrokenMan (Nov 26, 2011)

The VAR was the best investment I have ever made. I put it into action, and on the very first day of recording it picked up my WW talking for over an hour with her OM. She had claimed there had been no contact. Well, according to the recording they chat every day.

I heard first hand some of the lies she has been spreading about me. Her OM must be an absolute mug to believe half of what she is saying. There was a lot of hurtful things said about me, but hey, it just helps me focus on getting out of there. She also gushed about how much she loved him, and how she couldn't wait until they next meet again. More incentive for me to finally break away.

So thank you to everyone that suggested the VAR. The 180 is really helping too. I am eating healthier, exercising all the time, taking care of myself. Considering all that is going on, I feel surprisingly well. I was dubious about 180 at first, but without following the advice, I would be a complete and utter wreck.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

That kind of happened to me and the bottom line was that I didn't want to be in a relationship with someone who would discuss serious marital issues with that kind of ultimatum dismissiveness. Game over. There are people who have better relationship skills, and I can treat myself way better than that. I realized with a flash of reality that I did not want to 'win' by me persisting in wasting my time trying to get him to relate to me in a more humane and mature fashion. I decided it was okay to walk away. I always tell my kids don't jump in the water to save someone if they're going to pull you under and you won't be able to stand on your own feet and keep your head above water. Stay safe.


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## BrokenMan (Nov 26, 2011)

It's hard to say, but I think she has been having an EA with this man for years. My wife is a serial cheater. Since day one she has been lying to me, and I have been mug enough to believe her and give her so many chances.

She was begging me to take her back last night, but I won't. I said to her that in all the time we have been together she has had an eye on the door, looking for someone better.

After listening to some of the recordings I decided to text the OM and inform him of a few home truths. I didn't address anything, that they had spoken about, directly. I didn't want him to cotton on that I had overheard their conversation. The following day he called her to call it off. The gist I got from her side of the conversation is that he doesn't think it's worth all the trouble. So he's dumped her. Now she's sniffing round me.

I don't think so.


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## WhyinSC (Dec 16, 2011)

Never ever reveal you have a VAR. Keep recording... Get that divorce. You're doing great Sir. Keep it up.


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## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

Time to start divorce proceedings before she cheats again. You are doing great. Keep up the var use. Be sure to carry your VAR with you when she is around. Keep your 180 strong. There is a chance she will try to have you removed from the property with an RO. You need to record those conversations. Have you separated finances yet?


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Keep the var going and save the recordings in a safe place outside the home.

when the divorce is done email the best of the best to her family.


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## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

How did you break it to her and what was her immediate reaction?


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

make copies of your recordings. save them in a safe place outside your home. (Or for ex, email it to your gmail/yahoo account)


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## MrQuatto (Jul 7, 2010)

Do not disclose how you have any info on her, ever. Let her worry about how you know.

Seperate your finances from hers and lay it out that she is responsible for paying her share of everything from her money. Do NOTHING that add money to support her cheating ways. 

Make things her responsibility now. IF her car needs gas, she gets it. If it breaks down, she makes all the arrangements to get it taken care of. If she wants you to leave, give her a taste of being fully responsible for the day to day things, a taste of having to be responsible.

Q~


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

BrokenMan said:


> It's hard to say, but I think she has been having an EA with this man for years. My wife is a serial cheater. Since day one she has been lying to me, and I have been mug enough to believe her and give her so many chances.
> 
> She was begging me to take her back last night, but I won't. I said to her that in all the time we have been together she has had an eye on the door, looking for someone better.
> 
> ...


Good for you! Stay steady and strong. She's been treating you like crap the whole marriage, being with OM one after the other, to top it off, she's been demonizing you to everyone, including family, saying you're a cheater. All the while you tried your best, did everything for her. Yes, now that he's thrown her under the bus, of course she's sniffing around you. You've always been her back up plan....until she finds the next OM. 

You've heard her words directly via the VAR. Time to take your life back. Remember, you are NO ONE's back up plan. We're pulling for ya! Follow the good advice of MrQuatto.


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## KittyKat (May 11, 2008)

Collect her coat and make her leave.

It might be cheaper to keep her, but at the expense of your happiness too?

Not sure what state you live in. But if cheating is a cause of divorce in your state, kick her to the curb and make HER pay any child support, spousal support, etc.
And make sure at the end of the year you file your taxes single, claim every dependent, close all joint accounts, etc.

I absolutely hate people who cheat!


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## Kallan Pavithran (Jan 17, 2012)

No update from him, did she made him fall on her shoes?

Or did she kicked him out of his house? she is a daring lady to ask him get over her cheating or move out wah what a a great Who*e wife she is!!!!!!!!


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## BrokenMan (Nov 26, 2011)

Hi. There's not been much more to post TBH. She is still trying her best to get me onside, and I'm having none of it.

We are still arguing, and she is still blaming me, saying that I hold grudges and that's why we are not back on track etc etc. At the end of the day, she cheated on me. I overheard her conversations with OM, and how she told him how much she loves him. I heard her bad mouthing me, and bad mouthing my 9 year old daughter (her step-daughter). I have also had her OM texting me and stuff (all of which has been posted on here).

There's nothing left for me in this marriage. The sooner she realises this the better. My children are my number one priority, and I am going to fight for them all the way.

Thanks for reading, and thanks for your comments. 

PS. The 180 really works. I have been eating better, exercising more, making more time for my family and friends. I feel great.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

So have you filed yet?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## COguy (Dec 1, 2011)

Glad you saw the light. Please don't get weak and go back to her. Break the addiction, move on with your life, and get enough self-respect to ensure it never happens again.


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## LostWifeCrushed (Feb 7, 2012)

snap said:


> (at tumbleweed in her thoroughly cleaned inbox).


So good. Priceless, truly.


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## Kallan Pavithran (Jan 17, 2012)

COguy said:


> Glad you saw the light. Please don't get weak and go back to her. Break the addiction, move on with your life, and get enough self-respect to ensure it never happens again.


:iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree:

She will do all the things to fall on head on healsover her, begging crying, showing false remorse and self pittyingthese all her drama to get back into her security cover back. so that she can do it again when she feels safe.

How can one live the rest of his life knowing that wife is cheater and amanipulator through out her marriage OMG terrible


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## Remains (Jan 24, 2012)

My ex and father of children kept saying he would move out, then refused. Told me it was me that wanted to split so I should move out. Then told me again he would move out. Then refused. He did his final act of final straw for me. I told him to get out and not come back. He went and stayed the night at his friends, didn't take me seriously, came back the following day when I had 'calmed down'. As soon as my kids were in bed, the night I kicked him out, I changed the locks. Made sure me & kids were out the following day before he got back. He got the message. 

You should do the same. Wait til she is out at pub, or clubbing (i bet she does some of that eh), or send her off to see her friends/family out of town, and get those locks changed. But...as women have the parental responsibility & more rights automatically over their kids in this country, u should get a restraining order in place 1st. Keep her away from the kids, picking them up from school etc unless it is through your agreement and consent. Make sure that on this very same day u post her family proof of all she has done and that u have done nothing but try and help and support her so that hopefully they won't come banging on your door too (though this is the family that she came from, know her very well, and choose to believe her vile bulls*it. They may continue to take it out on u anyway. They prob as vile as her?). Move if you have to, if you are able to. Sell the house from under her nose (is it in your name, or joint? I so hope it is not in joint names.) 

More than likely, anything she does will be for front, to get at you, or such like. Such as trying to snatch the kids. She won't want them. She won't be a good mum to them. She is a selfish and nasty piece of work, having kids to look after will get in the way of her having 'fun'. And if she does want them, all front and nothing else! Only of what it would look like to others. If she gets them rather than you i.e. if you walk out, she will prob stop you from seeing them, hence you ensure you change the locks and keep her away from them legally unless she sees them through your agreement. Get everything in place to cover your back, all evidence, dates, whatever you have, in order so as to watch your back. Because she will surely stab you in it if you neglect anything. She stabbed you in the back while together, cheating, slandering you to family & getting her bro to start on you etc, so she will think nothing of 'murderous' revenge if you kick her out on her arse. And her kids won't matter a jot. Do all swiftly. Good luck.


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