# trying to give her what she needs



## aa1973 (May 4, 2015)

am looking for some anonynous advice ive been married 7 years and we have two children together. a couple times over these 7 years weve had rough spots in our marrige. my wife would back away from me emotionally and physically, to make a long story short i neglected my wife by living my own life and not including her and the kids. now she tells me she doesnt know what she wants and she needs time to herself. i am trying with everthing i have in my heart to reassure her of my feelings and what i want out of this marrige, but it doesnt appear to help. we both tell each other that we do love each other, but she says she feels if she lets me back into her heart i will just go back to the way i was it took us getting to this point to realize how she truly feels and for me to see how my decisions got us here she says she needs some time to herslf so this weekend im taking the kids to a hotel to give her some space any advice would be appreciated


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Does your wife have a job?

What does she say about you taking the kids and going to a hotel this weekend? You are taking the kids and going on a hotel on Mother's day? Is that right?

I think it's a really bad idea for you to do this.

I seldom jump to thinking that there is an affair. But your wife is showing several red flags.

Her pulling away as she has. Her saying that she needs time to herself... time that requires you to take the children and go to a hotel.

Why can't your wife get time to herself without putting you and the children out of your home? Does she have hobbies and friends?

The next thing to come is her asking you to move out to give her space. Whatever you do, DO NOT MOVE OUT. Do not leave the family home or your children.


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## thread the needle (May 4, 2015)

Walkaway wife syndrome in the making. Use search for WAW and Walkway wife and get to reading. 

She does not trust you with her heart and thinks the changes are temporary manipulation. It is extremely typical for wives to feel this way after years of emotional neglect. 

She is evaluating if there is a better life without you. You have to show her over time the answer is no but first you have to allow her that space she is asking for. 

It is a very tricky dance but you have to make her the number one priority without being a smothering doormat. You have to "thread the needle" hence my user name

Its a long hard road (at least years) that I am on with some success but it isn't easy to piece it back together. 

Best of luck to you


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## aa1973 (May 4, 2015)

ive never worried about an affair with my wife but lately i have been thinking about it so i had to ask and i donot believe that there is someone else in the picture. it was my idea to take the kids and get away for the weekend because with my job she has the 80% of the time and i thought this would give her a break, and my wife works fulltime


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

You may need counseling to fix this, if it can be. That's if cheating is not already involved - then it would be a whole different problem.

She grew distant when things got rough. You protected yourself by also becoming distant. Now she doesn't trust you to re-engage, but can you trust her to do so? It sounds like she won't - or can't. This needs to be a mutual attempt at fixing things, or it probably won't work.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

aa1973 said:


> ive never worried about an affair with my wife but lately i have been thinking about it so i had to ask and i donot believe that there is someone else in the picture. it was my idea to take the kids and get away for the weekend because with my job she has the 80% of the time and i thought this would give her a break, and my wife works fulltime


Does she realize that it's mother's day this coming weekend? I'll bet that even if she thinks it's ok now, she will be upset at some point. I can already hear it: "You only think about yourself. You even took the children to a hotel for a mini vacation on Mother's Day."

She has a job and has the children 80% of the time? How many hours a week are you working?

What percentage of your joint income does she earn?


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

thread the needle said:


> Walkaway wife syndrome in the making. Use search for WAW and Walkway wife and get to reading.
> 
> She does not trust you with her heart and thinks the changes are temporary manipulation. It is extremely typical for wives to feel this way after years of emotional neglect.
> 
> ...


:iagree:


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## aa1973 (May 4, 2015)

She says she needs some time and space so I think that's what I need to do right now


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Ah yes... the old "time and space" line. It's usually not a good idea to disappear and give them time and space.

If she needs time and space, she should leave while you stay firmly planted in your home with your kids. Bad idea to indulge her whims at this point.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## aa1973 (May 4, 2015)

im worried that if there is any hope left for us that ill just push her away if i dont give her space right now 
i love her and trust her so i have to believe her right now i have hope in us and when we talk about all of this i think she is right at the edge of beliveing in me and us again


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## x598 (Nov 14, 2012)

aa1973 said:


> im worried that if there is any hope left for us that ill just push her away if i dont give her space right now
> i love her and trust her so i have to believe her right now i have hope in us and when we talk about all of this i think she is right at the edge of beliveing in me and us again


if she was "at the edge of believing in you again" than why the "space"? sorry, not buying it.


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## aa1973 (May 4, 2015)

she still reaches for me, she still kisses me and tells me she loves me i dont know what to think


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## aa1973 (May 4, 2015)

does everyone on here relly think my wife is cheating and im just blind to it or to afraid to consider it please tell me


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## x598 (Nov 14, 2012)

aa1973 said:


> does everyone on here relly think my wife is cheating and im just blind to it or to afraid to consider it please tell me


its just doing your "due diligence".....DO NOT ignore the fact that there is a possibility and it explains many things.

this is not to say she is. 

but do yourself a favor...go to the infidelity forum and read the countless stories like yours.....where people got the same space speech...to find a cheating spouse once they started digging. 

not trying to alarm you...but there is a possibility of it and i hope I am wrong, DEAD wrong. but this stuff you describe is what affairs are born of.....a wife that justifies "pulling away" all because of some over exaggerated wrong you did a while back....


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## aa1973 (May 4, 2015)

I'm open to anything to try and save my marrige. I asked her to her face if there was someone else and her response was" this has nothing to do with anyone except me and you". I know people lie but I believe her


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## ReidWright (May 15, 2014)

aa1973 said:


> I'm open to anything to try and save my marrige. I asked her to her face if there was someone else and her response was" this has nothing to do with anyone except me and you". I know people lie but I believe her


soft confronts (ie no evidence) never work. You messed up; don't mention cheating / affairs / another man until you've done your due diligence. Otherwise you'll just drive it underground.


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## x598 (Nov 14, 2012)

ReidWright said:


> soft confronts (ie no evidence) never work. You messed up; don't mention cheating / affairs / another man until you've done your due diligence. Otherwise you'll just drive it underground.


:iagree:

that was just about the WORST thing you could have done...because if she is having an affair...now she knows you suspect something and will cover her tracks better.

and seriously...what were you expecting? her to say "yes"....??
did she actually say "NO" or did shy cleverly say "this is between us".....meaning she dodged the question....BIG RED FLAG.

a person who cares about you, when asked of an affair, would be dismayed, maybe even hurt...that their spouse would think they are having an affair. I don't like the answer you got.

now SHUT YOUR MOUTH and keep your EYES OPEN.


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