# Fantasizing about a new love and a new life.



## Cee Paul (Apr 11, 2012)

So with all the many problems I keep having in my marriage and the fact I am very very unhappy, is it normal to be fantasizing about a new life and a new love with someone else someday?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

It's at least not unusual.

If you want this then get a divorce.


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## Racer (Sep 24, 2009)

I do it all the time. Then again I recognize it as a fantasy and a nice mental escape from reality. I also fantasize about having spiderman's powers... So, I don't base decisions on fantasy.

I could leave. I chose not to. What I don't like, I change myself (and that is the opposite of telling my wife to do it and dumping it on her). So....... choose. What would you like to change?


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## Numb in Ohio (Oct 31, 2011)

I fantasize about it also,, but with my track record, I feel I would handle dating like a job interview,, I would be too skeptical. 

Especially from being on here, and knowing so many signs to look for. But I'm hoping that would actually help me. In the past, I have not chose wisely.


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## bkaydezz (Jul 9, 2012)

Fantasy vs. Reality.
That is the sad part.
Everything can always go way better in your head!
(you know this)

Are you happy wiht yourself?


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Numb in Ohio said:


> I fantasize about it also,, but with my track record, I feel I would handle dating like a job interview,, I would be too skeptical.
> 
> Especially from being on here, and knowing so many signs to look for. But I'm hoping that would actually help me. In the past, I have not chose wisely.


Indiana Jones, Nazi Uber aging - YouTube


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## Cee Paul (Apr 11, 2012)

I did this in my first marriage a lot towards the end when it was a total nightmare and I did get a divorce eventually, and now I find myself doing it all over again in my 2nd marriage. *sigh*


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

I think it is part of the decision process. If what the spouse has done is so terrible that you just want to be rid of her at all costs, it is an easy decision to D. But if there are good things and bad things, it is a difficult decision whether one is better off staying or D'ing.


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## Cee Paul (Apr 11, 2012)

Thor said:


> I think it is part of the decision process. If what the spouse has done is so terrible that you just want to be rid of her at all costs, it is an easy decision to D. But if there are good things and bad things, it is a difficult decision whether one is better off staying or D'ing.


Ours is just a marriage where we are just not getting along most of the time now and always arguing, and I don't think I can take another 1 - 2 - or 20 years of this without some sort of solution taking place.


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## KanDo (Jun 15, 2011)

Sorry to hear that. What do you argue about? I would look for solutions rather than escape into fantasy. Also, second marriage failure,...Have you looked at your role in this? Maybe a little introspection and IC is in order.


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## Cee Paul (Apr 11, 2012)

KanDo said:


> Sorry to hear that. What do you argue about? I would look for solutions rather than escape into fantasy. Also, second marriage failure,...Have you looked at your role in this? Maybe a little introspection and IC is in order.


What haven't we argued about. And yes my role in all of this is being quick tempered and having no patience which I'm working on; and in my first marriage I ended up with someone who was bi-polar and had an equal temper to mine, and now in my second one I thought I married someone who was laid back and easy going(which is what I need)............but I was wrong.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

After being hurt over and over by my ex I began fantasizing constantly.it was the only time i didn't feel the pain.eventually i turned those fantasies into reality,gave up on R and walked out.

my fantasies never involved new love though.just new life.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

That's when I knew my ex and I weren't right.

It's when I started my exit plan.


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## Cee Paul (Apr 11, 2012)

ScarletBegonias said:


> After being hurt over and over by my ex I began fantasizing constantly.it was the only time i didn't feel the pain.eventually i turned those fantasies into reality,gave up on R and walked out.
> 
> my fantasies never involved new love though.just new life.


Yeah me too; my fantasies in both marriages involve more than just a new life with someone who understands me and loves me un-conditionally, but also involve me just getting back some of the peace and serenity that I used to have.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

Cee Paul said:


> Yeah me too; my fantasies in both marriages involve more than just a new life with someone who understands me and loves me un-conditionally, but also involve me just getting back some of the peace and serenity that I used to have.


The peace/serenity was HUGE for me in my fantasies.I desired those things more than anything else i could fantasize about.when you lose your peaceful vibe everything else turns to sh*t it seems.


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## thunderstruck (May 9, 2012)

Yes, I do it. More and more now that I try to be aware when I interact with women, and pick up on their attraction/interest.


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