# She just doesn't get it.



## williamw (Oct 14, 2009)

My wife stopped drinking a few months ago. I was so thankful for this as drinking has caused us nothing but problems. I've posted about this in the past. I also have a horrible family history of drinking--both parents were alcoholics. So I was very happy when she did finally stop. In the last few days, she's started again. We had friends come over last night and they bought wine (I hate when people do that!). She had a glass and things were pretty much ok, although we did have a minor fight at the end of the evening that now makes a lot of sense now that I know she had a drink. Then tonight, she had a glass of wine with dinner. Being that it is New Year's Eve, I know she thinks it's a good night to indulge a bit. But it makes me so tense. She even said at dinner "I really am enjoying having a glass of wine...although I don't intend to go back to my old habits". I kind of just nodded. Then, I noticed a few minutes ago that there is a bottle of champagne in the fridge. Some friends of ours gave it to us a while ago after we had our second child. So obviously she intends to have some tonight. So at that point, she'll probably be somewhat buzzed, and maybe worse as I really don't know how much wine she has already had. And she'll expect me to have some champagne and she'll get upset when I tell her "no thanks". And we'll fight, and it will be horrible. And my wife just does...not...get...it...She doesn't understand how painful it is for me when she drinks...and how I have such deep emotional scars related to drinking from my childhood. Or maybe she does understand, but she just doesn't care. I'm starting to think that is it.


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## 63Vino (Dec 23, 2009)

Is your wife having a drink a problem for her (ie she has an addiction) or for you because of your background?

Did you have a fight at the end of the night because she drank or because you were very mad that she drank?

I have NO idea what's goin on there but seems you have to resolve the past or forget it altogether even IF your wife's drinking is an addiction.


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

throw the booze out


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## 13lissy (Nov 8, 2009)

I think you need to set boundaries with her regarding her drinking habits. She can not read your mind so you must tell her that you don't want her to drink, constantly.

Here are some sites that can help you:
Setting boundaries
Building healthy boundaries
Improving your assertive behavior for boundaries
A great site to help alcoholics and their family

Happy new years and I hope these help ^_^


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## williamw (Oct 14, 2009)

13lissy said:


> I think you need to set boundaries with her regarding her drinking habits. She can not read your mind so you must tell her that you don't want her to drink, constantly.
> 
> Here are some sites that can help you:
> Setting boundaries
> ...


Thanks, it all worked out ok. I lightened up a bit and said it's New Year's Eve, I'm not going to make a big scene. We each had a couple of glasses of champagne, got really tired and went to bed. No one got hurt, and no fights. I just hope it's not the beginning of re-starting the drinking.


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## williamw (Oct 14, 2009)

63Vino said:


> Is your wife having a drink a problem for her (ie she has an addiction) or for you because of your background?
> 
> Did you have a fight at the end of the night because she drank or because you were very mad that she drank?
> 
> I have NO idea what's goin on there but seems you have to resolve the past or forget it altogether even IF your wife's drinking is an addiction.


As any child of an alcoholic will tell you, you never just "forget the past". Yes, if it weren't for my background I probably wouldn't make as big an issue of my wife's drinking. But I don't want my kids to go through what I went through. I don't think my wife has a problem but I think it could develop into one. Without going into too many details, alcohol and my wife do not work well together, as she will freely admit. My 3 year old has already seen her passed out, face down on the ground. So it's more than just my past.


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## 13lissy (Nov 8, 2009)

williamw said:


> Thanks, it all worked out ok. I lightened up a bit and said it's New Year's Eve, I'm not going to make a big scene. We each had a couple of glasses of champagne, got really tired and went to bed. No one got hurt, and no fights. I just hope it's not the beginning of re-starting the drinking.


Great to hear it! Please understand that you must keep open communication with her at all times. You feel a certain way because of a reason. Even if it's small, you have to remind her of your concerns so she understands. 

Happy holidays and God bless this brand new year of 2010!


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