# Why is it ok for him but not for me??



## Cologrl81 (Feb 5, 2013)

I am confused about a few things. My husband has been getting emails from chat websites that were created for him about 4 months ago by another female. Now all of a sudden he is into social networking but I can't have my facebook page. Everytime that I ask him about it he gets really upset. By him doing this I and him telling me that I am crazy and have nothing to worry about makes me worry even more. I don't want to have to stress out about something some little it there is nothing there. How do you get your husband to be honest, when you know that he has been to these sites?

Help...any advice would be great.


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## Tigger (Dec 5, 2007)

So what is going to happen if you just create a facebook page of your own?

Do you know what he is doing on facebook?


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## Cologrl81 (Feb 5, 2013)

I have had my facebook page for the last 5 years. I just deactivated it because he said that he didn't like it. As far as I know he doesn't have facebook. But he is on this website called fubar.com, which is not just a gaming site. He is just being naive(sp) and it just really bothers me. I hate getting this way about something so little but when he has a friends list of all females and no males I find something wrong with that. He doesn't like facebook because he thinks that is where you tell everyone what is going on in your life. But yet he can get message from females called (sxytrish etc) he just doesn't want to admit that what he is doing is wrong.


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## Tigger (Dec 5, 2007)

I had to look the site up as I didn't know what it was.

I would be upset if my husband had a list of all females to talk to. What does a married man need with that?

Do you know what he does on the site?


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## Cologrl81 (Feb 5, 2013)

Well from what I looked at it, you get friends and send eachother different types of drinks and you can send messages, private chats. But what does having a private chat, or sending a kiss or anything have to do with creating a bar and get fubar bucks. I don't understand. I mean some of the names that people are using you only know that they are looking for one thing only. But if the tables were turned and I was doing it and had only all guy friends then he would be upset about it too. He doesn't find anything wrong with what he is doing. He put pictures up of himself that I took on my cell phone. I don't see why if this site ment nothing to him why he needs to have pictures.


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## Tigger (Dec 5, 2007)

I suppose you could create an account and friend him on there and see what it is.

I read a couple of reviews of it. It is supposed to be a social networking/dating site. One review said some members had lots of porn images on there. 

People can rate your pictures and you can chat with people.

He might be chatting with girls for attention.


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## *LittleDeer* (Apr 19, 2012)

He knows what he is doing is wrong. IMO he does not want you on social sites because he can't trust himself therefore he does not trust you.

If I were you I would tell him that his behaviour is innapropriate, his chatting to other women on these sites are not Ok,. they are a step further then face book, and include flirting with strangers, a very dangerous past time if you claim you want a happy marriage.

I would ask him that you both have all passwords and complete access to each others accounts, this ensures that you are both trustworthy open and honest.

That he stop spending time on sites that encourage private chats and flirting.

If he cannot respect you and will not put you first that you will not put up with it and you will leave.

If you don't take a firm stand, then he will continue to take advantage and nothing will change except he may have an EA or a PA. JMO


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## Cologrl81 (Feb 5, 2013)

I have said that to him and he doesn't seem to have a problem with it. I did ask him why he had all female friends on this site. He can't ever seem to answer the question, but anytime that I have a guy friend come around from way before my husband, then everything bad hits the fan. I just keep them away because its not worth the fight.


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## Cologrl81 (Feb 5, 2013)

Chatting for attention? What kind of attention? I mean why would you go to a site where you can chat with people from all over the usa and not from your home town? I mean is keeping a distance a better thing for him because he doesn't want to risk running into them or set up any type of meeting.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

It's not ok for you because you pay attention to the orders he gives you. He ordered you to not have a FB page so you deleted your page.

It's ok for him because he does not care a bit what you say or what.

It's that simple.

Why are you taking orders that he gives you? What he is doing is wrong. He is at least flirting. He might be meeting up with women he meets online.

If he was my husband I'd put a keylogger on his computer and find out what he's really up to. Then once I know I'd tell him that either he stops what he's doing or I'm filing for divorce.

I've had too much experience with a husband who did this kind of thing to want to put up with it.


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## Tigger (Dec 5, 2007)

I think the keylogger is a good idea then you can see exactly what he is doing.


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

This is a double standard 

While I can understand one spouse being uncomfortable with the other using all types of social media, the compromise would be that neither uses it

Ask your husband to put himself in your shoes. Ask him how he would feel if he was told he couldn't use social networking but you could

BTW, I also agree with the keylogger use. I would bet he's trolling for (at least) an emotional connection


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## NewM (Apr 11, 2012)

I just checked that website and it looks like dating website to me,same search options as dating sites : gender/age/relationship status options so its even worse that he has that then facebook.

If he has only females I believe he was searching for them 100%,you should create account there for yourself and if he has problems with it he better delete his account.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

Would you like to know an easy way to get to the bottom of this? Create an account, find pictures of a hot woman, the kind you know he's attracted to, and "friend" him on the site. Start discussions with him, flirt a little, or ask about his romantic status. How he responds to "you" will likely tell you all you need to know.

I am normally not up for all this game playing, preferring instead to shoot from the hip, but his behavior sounds suspicious, and he seems adverse to telling you the truth.


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

It is obvious that you & H are very young.


Why does he make demands (Close down your FB, I don't like it.), that you just roll over and obey?

Why do you still have 'guy friends' coming to hang out around the house if they are not friends of BOTH your H & yourself. 

Why do you care WHY he has all female friends on his site. The "why" doesn't matter; you don't like it, that's good enough. Time for YOU to make a demand which he should be expected to obey.

Why is he on the site? He is already BORED with being married and bored with you. He has NO RESPECT for you, his behavior proves that. He sounds stunningly immature, thus my conclusion that he is very young (under 26yo I'm guessing). 

He is looking for women to flirt with because it makes him feel good. 
Then, it will progress to sexting each other nude pix. This will make him feel wanted. 
Then, if he finds one close enough (think 'business trip' or 'fishing trip' or 'casino weekend with buddies'), he will meet her for a hook-up. This will convince him he's in love.....with HER.
*Bottom line:*

*If you two don't get into Marriage Counseling NOW, this marriage will not last another 2 years.* NOTHING BUT COUNSELING is going to fix YOUR problems, or HIS problems, or this marriage's problems...time alone (waiting for you both to become more mature over time) is NOT going to do it because you two have already established unhealthy patterns in relating to each other.

Do NOT get pregnant by this guy. He's NOT going to be a reliable partner/father WITHOUT a whole lot of maturing.

You, too, need to mature! Why do you accept such poor treatment from him? He treats you like you're his CHILD, NOT his wife!


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## Cologrl81 (Feb 5, 2013)

The sad thing is we are actually over the age of 21, we are in our mid 30's. I see exactly what you are saying. How am I supposed to respond to him saying that I treat him like a prisoner? If it's not his way its not the right way. He's wants things to be where the wife is in the kitchen cooking and pregnant. I have no problem doing the motherly things but when I am treated like I am supposed to do everything that is not how things work. He likes to talk people in circles and find every way to blame them and not take the blame for the things that he has done wrong


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## triggerhappy (Oct 14, 2012)

Cologrl81 said:


> Well from what I looked at it, you get friends and send eachother different types of drinks and you can send messages, private chats. But what does having a private chat, or sending a kiss or anything have to do with creating a bar and get fubar bucks. I don't understand. I mean some of the names that people are using you only know that they are looking for one thing only. But if the tables were turned and I was doing it and had only all guy friends then he would be upset about it too. He doesn't find anything wrong with what he is doing. He put pictures up of himself that I took on my cell phone. I don't see why if this site ment nothing to him why he needs to have pictures.



Are you talking about your child or your husband? 

furbar bucks? 

WTF???

:scratchhead:


WHY in the world aren't you putting your foot down and demanding he stop this?


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## triggerhappy (Oct 14, 2012)

Tigger said:


> I suppose you could create an account and friend him on there and see what it is.


Brilliant idea. Catch him in the act. That's the only way you'll know the truth, because he sure as hell is never going to offer it.


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## curlysue321 (Jul 30, 2012)

I would tell him that you are opening an account on the same website he is on. If he says "no" then you can call him on it. My exhusband was into flirting with women on myspace. Sending drinks and electronic flowers and all his friends were women. Needless to say he is my "EX" husband.


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## triggerhappy (Oct 14, 2012)

curlysue321 said:


> I would tell him that you are opening an account on the same website he is on. If he says "no" then you can call him on it. My exhusband was into flirting with women on myspace. Sending drinks and electronic flowers and all his friends were women. Needless to say he is my "EX" husband.



Why would she give him a heads up? Forewarned is forearmed.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Yeah, you need to catch him, then stand up to him and give him an ultimatum.

I would say he's on that site because he's sexting with other women and exchanging pictures. He's getting his jollies. He probably doesn't want you on facebook and stuff because he has used it or sites like it to 'meet' other women.

Either a keylogger or join the site yourself, in disguise.

But when you DO catch him, and find out he's cheating, what do you want? Reconcile or kick him out?


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## Quantmflux (Feb 6, 2013)

Fubar is super sleazy. Facebook is completely normal. Not only is it BS for him to tell you you cant use FB (WTF is that about?) but it would be, IMO, totally within YOUR rights to say "hey, stay off Fubar!"

They may seem like equivalents, but really they are not. Social networking is all about the community and quality of the community and Fubar is the gutter.

It was deliberately created to sort of be the "sleazy" "anti-Facebook".

You've got to woman up IMO. Reactivate your FB profile immediately and tell him to get the F off Fubar b/c it is a cess pool.

Also, as a rule, I limit social network contacts to *real* friends and family only. I have like 24 FB friends. It makes the entire thing much more sensible. On Fubar, you are not going to find any of your RL friends and family b/c you almost certainly wouldnt seek them out there (unless you're a single college kid or something)

If you reactive FB and keep it only to your real friends and family, you've got serious high ground to issue an ultimatum and set some ground rules. 

If he pushes back hard then you know for sure something is not right there.


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## triggerhappy (Oct 14, 2012)

Seriously, if the opening page isn't an indicator, I don't know what is.

fubar: Real people. Real fun.


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## MrK (Sep 2, 2010)

Tell him that it seems from his actions that it is really fun to meet up with members of the opposite sex. Tell him that since your not allowed to do it electronically, you're going to cruise the bars in town to do it. Say it as your walking out the door with your s.l.u.ttiest outfit on.


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## anony2 (Apr 28, 2012)

Better yet, join fubar.com yourself, See what he says then. 

Make sure you TELL him that you made an account on there and make it a really sexy name also like sexymama4u or something to that effect.


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## triggerhappy (Oct 14, 2012)

anony2 said:


> Better yet, join fubar.com yourself, See what he says then.
> 
> Make sure you TELL him that you made an account on there and make it a really sexy name also like sexymama4u or something to that effect.


[email protected]


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## DangerousCurves (Jul 18, 2012)

I'm the type of wife who would just delete his account and tell him tough if he doesn't like there's the door.

DON'T LET HIM DISRESPECT YOU.

Normally I would advise pointing out his hypocrisy but since you're already done that and gotten no where action is needed to get the point across now.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Cologrl81 said:


> I am confused about a few things. My husband has been getting emails from chat websites that were created for him about 4 months ago by another female. Now all of a sudden he is into social networking but I can't have my facebook page. Everytime that I ask him about it he gets really upset.


WHY do you need to ASK him for you to have a FB page? He's not your father.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Cologrl81 said:


> The sad thing is we are actually over the age of 21, we are in our mid 30's. I see exactly what you are saying. How am I supposed to respond to him saying that I treat him like a prisoner? If it's not his way its not the right way. He's wants things to be where the wife is in the kitchen cooking and pregnant. I have no problem doing the motherly things but when I am treated like I am supposed to do everything that is not how things work. He likes to talk people in circles and find every way to blame them and not take the blame for the things that he has done wrong


Then play his game and do it smarter.


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## ChiGirl (Jan 20, 2013)

Just went on there and WOW annoying! Was on for 10 min just to check it out and already got 5 "flirts" and some other weird things from people I didn't even know.

Honestly if you are in your 30's and are having these issues there is something deeper going on.
My marriage is ending in divorce due to immaturity.. 

I would take everyone's advice and find out what he is up to.


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## EntirelyDifferent (Nov 30, 2012)

I've never heard of this site, and googled it looking for info. I ran into this review of it:
www.What is Fubar.com

and the guy who wrote it specifically says his messages started getting more and more sexual in nature the longer he was on the site.
If my guy were on a site like this, that would definitely be a red flag for me, especially if he were being so controlling about other websites like FB. 
I'd also be trying to find out what he was up to.


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## ChiGirl (Jan 20, 2013)

Let me just say that I signed up yesterday just to see what this was, and I have not posted or participated and have gotten approx. 30 notifications today. Ranging from people "checking me out" to flirts, to drink requests. All from men.

With Facebook you can at least manage your privacy settings and social circle. There seems to be a free for all going on here.

Now if only I could figure out how to get disconnected from this!!


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

My first reaction is why are on earth are you allowing your H to dictate what you can and cannot do, when he is doing the very thing that he is telling you that you cannot do?:scratchhead:

Talking and flirting online with members of the opposite sex is never a good idea in a committed relationship, and, IMO, you should tell him that you don't find it appropriate and would like it to stop - immediately. If he values you and your marriage, he will listen to you, and if he doesn't perhaps it's time to consider MC.


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