# Desperately need advice...



## Daz423 (Apr 5, 2012)

I would really appreciate any advice I can get here. Unfortunately I can't talk to my friends or family about this because I am embarrassed and don't want my situation being broadcast for everyone in my city to hear. 

I am a 29 year old male married to a 31year old female. We have been married for 10 years now. We have 2 kids 13 & 10. Any other details need I'l be happy to answer if it will help.

It all started 5 years ago we were separated because I wanted a break. finally when I was ready to give it another shot she told me she was seeing someone else. She claims now that he was just friend who helped her with our marriage and said she was dating him to get me to hurt like she was hurting when I left her(I was young and wanted to have fun I never cheated or anything until we were separated and she knew about). Eventually we got back together and everything was going great. I knew she still talked this guy and I didn't like it but Im not the type of guy to demand her not to talk to her friends. I wasn't really threatened by this guy because friends have confirmed to me that he is a nasty 300+ lbs guy. I know for a fact every once and a while he would text her and talk dirty to her but she said she would just dismiss it, so I let her have her friend. 

The other night I noticed her texting him while we were at a party. That same night I had a nightmare about her cheating on me with this guy, which is strange cause I've never even met him and don't know what he looks like. So when I woke up I logged into her facebook to see if there was anything I should be worried about. Come to find out after checking her messages that back in July she had a very inappropriate conversation with which included them talking about having sex at her work on a Saturday and him asking her if I was home and if I wasn't if he could come over. I 

So after that I woke her up and questioned her about the inappropriate conversation. I then checked her text messages in front of her but found nothing bad from the guy, but I know for a fact she deleted all there conversations. So I left the room thought about came back and asked to check her facebook she got very defensive, but after a while she let me checked and the messages had been deleted. She erased them when I left the room. After that I made her swear on our marriage and kids she didn't erase any messages so she swore on it. Then I made her swore she never had physical contact with the guy and she swore to that. So I confronted her about everything except instead of telling her I logged into her face book said some random number text me the info with screen shots of the convo. I showed her the screen shots and she immediately apologized and told me she though it was funny that she had made it clear before she would never sleep with this guy and he was still trying. So no Im confused it she lied to me so easily about erasing the messages why wouldn't she lie to me about doing anything with this guy. No she is terrified anytime I look at my phone that I will receive another "message" we have since changed our numbers and she deleted her facebook account. This is pretty much where I am at. I love her and want to be with her but the trust is definitely in question now. We are currently in marriage counseling and told the therapist everything but to no resolve and I can't wait till Monday to talk to anyone about it. I'm completely lost. She says she is very scared I'm going to dwell on it and end up leaving her. I would never in a million years see her have a conversation like that and then lying about it. 

So here's my main issues. Why should I believe her nothing physical happened if she lied about deleting the messages then in the same breathe said she didn't do anything with this guy. Also why is she worried this guy will contact me again if there's nothing else. She told me he might send more conversation but it never went past that. 

There is prolly more I'm leaving out but this is pretty much it. Thanks in advance for any advice or anything to help me out. She says she did it cause she we just so unhappy at the time.


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## Daz423 (Apr 5, 2012)

I told her I was pissed caused I had no one to talk to about the situation. It was her idea to find an message board so thats why I am here. Thanks again.


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

Sorry to say it but if the OM is asking her if you are home, then that's pretty much your answer regarding her affair. If they are doing it in your house, on your bed I can't think of anything more disrespectful to a husband.

Get tested for STD's.

Get legal advice ASAP.


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## Daz423 (Apr 5, 2012)

I pretty sure he hasn't been in my house I know my kids would of told me and I have a camera system. Thats not to say they haven't met up somewhere though. Im really confused. I wish she wouldn't of lie about deleting the messages. Your right though I should def. get tested. This sucks


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

Daz423 said:


> I pretty sure he hasn't been in my house I know my kids would of told me and I have a camera system. Thats not to say they haven't met up somewhere though. Im really confused. I wish she wouldn't of lie about deleting the messages. Your right though I should def. get tested. This sucks


Having a camera is a good idea. Either way place a VAR(Voice activated recorder) in her car, and listen to her phone calls. Install a keylogger on the computer incase(highly likely) she creates a secret email account to keep in touch with the OM. You can even install a cheap GPS in her car to track if she is going somewhere she is not supposed to.

Since you confronted her, if she is still into OM she will go underground and it'll be hard to notice it but if you can gather evidence with the above methods you can 100% on the truth.


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## Daz423 (Apr 5, 2012)

It was her idea to change our numbers and everything so he couldn't contact her anymore. I understand everything your saying to do, but I can't be in a marriage where I have to track my wife like that. I want to be able to trust her especially since she might not of even physically cheated on me. Am I being an idiot here? Does this **** ever work out?


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

Daz423 said:


> It was her idea to change our numbers and everything so he couldn't contact her anymore. I understand everything your saying to do, but I can't be in a marriage where I have to track my wife like that. I want to be able to trust her especially since she might not of even physically cheated on me. Am I being an idiot here? Does this **** ever work out?


Don't we all want to trust our partners? 

Her deleting the messages is a red flag, if they weren't serious why did she delete them? Doesn't seem logical if she is indeed innocent.

As far as the tracking goes, it's up to you, do you want to know the truth by yourself with hard evidence or her words?


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

Not to be funny or anything---but if he really weighed 300 lbs---she may not have had full out sex----doesn't mean she didn't do other things!!!

You can demand a POLY---as part of any R.

You need to start printing out things that will incriminate------your trust for now is pretty much shot, but you always need tangible evidence, if possible.

One problem the 2 of you do have is---you both got married pretty young, and many mge's at the 7 to 10 year mark, get stressed

It all becomes hum-drum, same old, same old---and it is hard work-------so one or both spouses do look for excitement, or something different

Both of you missed the normal dating around, sow your wild oats period.

The new and exciting, for your mge.,----It needs to come from the 2 of you, toward each other---as in spicing up the mge----

But before anything---you need to clean up this mess, and set some stiff, harsh, actionable boundaries----By actionable---I mean, you will take action---no talk, or threats, they are MEANINGLESS----ACTIONS, are what cause change.

So sit down, and discuss what the 2 of you wanna do, and think about whether the 2 of you even want this mge., set your boundaries----and one of your boundaries---is that your wife has NC, with single men, whatsoever----That is not what a married woman does----you are not being controlling, with this boundary, your are protecting, your mge., kids, and family.


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## Daz423 (Apr 5, 2012)

Keko she claims she deletes the message cause he says inappropriate stuff and knows I'll get mad if I see it. I want to know the truth but if she finds out I've gone to extremes to track her we might have other problems then too. Im not sure what I should I do I appreciate your advice though and if it comes to tracking her then that's what I gotta do

JNJ If I found out she did other things I would pissed considering I dont get a lot of other things... A poly might be the way to go I didn't think about that. I know I should save the evidence but in the heat of the moment I deleted it. I'll be sure to save anything else though. 
We did get married young and have separated twice and ended up getting back together. This is the girl I want to be with. We are in marriage counseling now and have been to try to "fix" things since before this incident. The particular conversation I saw happened months ago. This guy had a g/f at the time. I agree about the contact with other guys but there's no way to enforce that and I feel like I'll come off as the over controlling husband


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

It's not controlling rather your boundaries. During MC you should dreaw your lines(no contact with OM and any other single man) and tell her what the consequences will be. 

Either way good luck, but gather as much as evidence w/out her realizing to know whether she is honest or not.


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## Daz423 (Apr 5, 2012)

I appreciate your advice. She makes me feeling controlling sometimes. Now she's telling me she has constant anxiety because she thinks I'm going to leave her. Part of me wants to but most of me can't stand the thought of not being with her. I've never been so confused in my life.


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

Daz423 said:


> I appreciate your advice. She makes me feeling controlling sometimes. Now she's telling me she has constant anxiety because she thinks I'm going to leave her. Part of me wants to but most of me can't stand the thought of not being with her. I've never been so confused in my life.


It all comes down to knowing what really happened. Right now your in limbo until you know the truth, so its a rough road ahead.


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

Hey Daz---do you have any concept of what mge., is all about

You are not controlling---if you are making sure your wife, is not out talking to single, or other strange married men

What do you think you did, when you took vows----the 2 of you agreed to be a couple---to each other, and to no one else---if you wanna sleep around, if you wanna give your emotions/heart away,---YOU DO NOT GET MARRIED

It is not controlling to enforce the basic concept of mge---and that is, there is the 2 of you, and no one else---everyone else, that you DO associate with should be family, or friends of your mge-----there is no room for single men, in a married womans life----what is it that you DO NOT UNDERSTAND ABOUT THAT

If she is having contact with other men, that is a basic violation of your mge---YOU ARE NOT CONTROLLING----you are protecting your mge---if she doesn't get that point, then you have a major problem

If you do a POLY---go to your police station, and ask them to recommend who they use---those would be the most competent POLY operators

Whether you wanna hear this or not---you have to be harsh, and take action that she may not like---but I will tell you this, and so will most everyone else---words are MEANINGLESS, only ACTIONS get results!!!!!!!


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## Daz423 (Apr 5, 2012)

Keko your right I'll never look at my marriage the same way until I know for sure. What if I do everything that was mentioned and find out nothing and she still tells me nothing happened whats next?

jnj I get what your saying and he was really her only male friend and I told her a long time ago I didn't want her talking to him and she flat out refused it.... i guess look where that got me. I have friends that are single women so I would have to stop being friends with them or it would be a double standard. The poly idea is a good one but what if she says no... then do I just end it?


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

Daz423 said:


> Keko your right I'll never look at my marriage the same way until I know for sure. What if I do everything that was mentioned and find out nothing and she still tells me nothing happened whats next?
> 
> *Be glad that you have a good wife??*
> 
> ...


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## Daz423 (Apr 5, 2012)

jnj express said:


> Hey Daz---do you have any concept of what mge., is all about


She has friends and i have friends. I go to parties w/o her where single women are. I go out with my single guy friends to bars and stuff. Should I stop doing this?She goes to FL on vacation every once and a while to visit her best friend who is a girl. She hangs out with my sister and her girlfriends.


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## Daz423 (Apr 5, 2012)

Keko I would be ecstatic that I have a good wife LoL but what if she can't deal with the fact that I don't trust her when she said nothing happened.


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

Daz423 said:


> Keko I would be ecstatic that I have a good wife LoL but what if she can't deal with the fact that I don't trust her when she said nothing happened.


It's best to monitor her and gather evidence without her knowing it, while continuing your life as usual. 

She can say/feel all she want's, you know what you saw and how they were deleted shortly after.


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## Daz423 (Apr 5, 2012)

I will def. monitor her closer now that I know what she is capable of. For some reason I can't help but think this is going to end ugly. Time will tell I guess. I also wonder to what extremes this guy will go to when he finds out she deleted her facebook and changed her number if he doesn't already know that is...


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

Daz423 said:


> I will def. monitor her closer now that I know what she is capable of. *For some reason I can't help but think this is going to end ugly.* Time will tell I guess. I also wonder to what extremes this guy will go to when he finds out she deleted her facebook and changed her number if he doesn't already know that is...


Think good and it'll end up good.


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## Daz423 (Apr 5, 2012)

I appreciate it


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## bryanp (Aug 25, 2011)

If the roles were reversed would she believe such a story and accept all the deleting messages from you? She is in damage control. The polygraph is the best $400 you can spend. The fact that she continued to lie to your face and had this contact behind your back is reason enough to demand a polygraph. It really sounds like she is probably playing you for a fool. You may also wish to contact the OM and the OM's spouse and girlfriend as well.

The fact that he felt comfortable telling her that if the husband is gone he would like to come over tells you just how far and how accepting she has been with this other man. Think about it. Good luck.


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## Daz423 (Apr 5, 2012)

Bryan I know she isn't the jealous type but im not sure if it's to that extent. I agree it is a good enough reason I will strongly consider it. I feel like I'm not getting the full truth as well. I'm def. not contacting the OM cause he is a dirt bag and has no respect for me at all his girl however I'm strongly debating if I should contact her... Unfortunately these are not good people and I have a family to protect so contacting them might bring unwanted trouble to my house....


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## Jonesey (Jul 11, 2011)

AllThePrettyHorses said:


> Boy, am I going to get heat for this, but what do you expect?
> You essentially told her to her face that you wanted fun over being married to her and took a big time break.
> That's when the marriage was over.
> You did it. She just moved on with her life.
> ...


For 5 years?? Are you serious??


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## Jonesey (Jul 11, 2011)

hit i don't even know where to start*sigh*

Ohboy your wife is playing you BIG TIME!!!!


*Come to find out after checking her messages that back in July she had a very inappropriate conversation with which included them talking about having sex at her work on a Saturday and him asking her if I was home and if I wasn't if he could come over. I 
*
And then this

*I then checked her text messages in front of her but found nothing bad from the guy, but I know for a fact she deleted all there conversations. 

So I left the room thought about came back and asked to check her facebook she got very defensive, but after a while she let me checked and the messages had been deleted. She erased them when I left the room. 
*
People that has something to hide,will do that. Quiestion is what is she hiding.

*she is terrified anytime I look at my phone that I will receive another "message" we have since changed our numbers and she deleted her facebook account.*

Ofcourse she is terrified. It wasn't so innocent or harmless as she want´s it come a cross..
Keep playing this card..

*Also why is she worried this guy will contact me again if there's nothing else. She told me he might send more conversation but it never went past that.*

So why the worries? I mean it was just "Harmless" fun that got out of hand..
Im sure her only male friend she has known for the last 5 years can.Cant be that much of a problem to get it put in the open?easy back that up right?

Why the need to cancel a 5 year´s worth of 
"Friendship" All of sudden?? You asked her many time´s before.But she always flat at refused..

So what changed??



*It was her idea to change our numbers and everything so he couldn't contact her anymore. ???*

Seriously ?? Why? nothing went on,she was just feeling alone..Like i said things got little bit out
of hands..No need to terminate a 5 year of friendship..

Truth , She is **** scared that you will find out the truth…
EA and PA..


*she claims she deletes the message cause he says inappropriate stuff and knows I'll get mad if I see it.*

So why keep doing it?? Come on, after all it was harmless..You know she was lonely..

*She makes me feeling controlling sometimes.
*
And now you know why.


*he was really her only male friend and I told her a long time ago I didn't want her talking to him and she flat out refused it*
And dump ,and change phone number.With her only friend.For something that was basically harmless?
Make no sense..

Again now you know why..


*I have friends that are single women so I would have to stop being friends with them or it would be a double standard.*

Why do you feel it that way?? Do you have a zipper problem??
Of course not..Dont think that way..It was/is your wife,that has if i put it kindly 
piss poor boundaries. Problem ,lies with your wife.Not you.

*I feel like I'm not getting the full truth as well
You feel that way, because you haven't got the full truth as of now.*

And you will keep feeling that way, until you get the truth..

*I'm strongly debating if I should contact her(OM. GF).*

Yes you should contact her.She has the right to know..And the chance is bigger that you two
can compare notes.

This is going to be a long drawn road
to the truth..

Does your wife work?Drive a car?
If she has a car it would be a wise decision to place a GPS and hide a VAR(voice activated recorder)

Good luck


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## Daz423 (Apr 5, 2012)

I know I f'd up. She's a very attractive girl half white and half Brazilian believe me she wouldn't have to be alone. I don't think we would be in mc if she didn't want to be with me but you are right I did start this but it should of ended when we got back together...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Daz423 (Apr 5, 2012)

Ok looking at it like that yea it doesn't look good at all. Maybe I am just fooling myself. You guys are telling me exactly what I didn't want to hear. The OM girl used to call my girls phone and threaten her for sleeping with her man. My wife said she was crazy and I believed it. **** maybe I am an idiot. I still feel like I may never get the full truth.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Daz423 (Apr 5, 2012)

AllThePrettyHorses said:


> It's not even about pointing the finger at you.
> What I am trying to tell you is that what you did is beyond repair.
> You don't have to believe me, either. I bet my entire annual salary you will either be in MC for the rest of your relationship, or she will go behind your back until she finds someone who she likes enough to be with.
> Women like it when people don't abandon them for some strange, and once you prove you cannot be that man, it's broken. Go figure, huh.
> That's why she acts the way she does, and for no other reason. It's simple causality. You abandoned her, now she has acted from that.


So your saying she'll never get over what I did and the relationship is pretty much over and has been for 5 years? She just doesn't want to tell me? I don't get it why would she waste her time with me then?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Daz423 (Apr 5, 2012)

She loves spending time with me and we still sleep together that part hasn't changed. But I do know she feels I abandoned her back then also yea she doesn't like the fact I slept with other women when we're separated not legally. Yea I know we were to young when we got married.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Daz423 (Apr 5, 2012)

Yes from what she said she had two one stands which were the direct result of me bring in different relationships. She did some things I didn't like at that time but we weren't together so I'm not gonna punish her now about it. I'm over what she did then. She obviously isn't I guess. **** one of the girls I was with is a bartender at a restaurant my wife knows and still wants to go there to eat but I refuse.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jonesey (Jul 11, 2011)

Daz423 said:


> Ok looking at it like that yea it doesn't look good at all. Maybe I am just fooling myself. You guys are telling me exactly what I didn't want to hear. *The OM girl used to call my girls phone and threaten her for sleeping with her man. My wife said she was crazy and I believed it. ***** maybe I am an idiot. I still feel like I may never get the full truth.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You are not a fool.
You just trusted your wife.As we all
should do, in a loving and trusting marriage. Bear one thing in mind.
There is no shame wanting to reconcile,what so ever.But it is a huge shame to reconcile.if the price tag is your dignity...

I have seen worser situation then your´s.That has managed to reconcile..But this couples ,where 
the Wife/Husband had affair.

Has provided the truth and nothing put the truth,so help me good..

That is one of the key ingredient
that is needed,before any serious reconciliation an start..


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## Daz423 (Apr 5, 2012)

Wow you might be right that makes perfect sense actually. She a big advocate of people change I was in my early 20s I told her I made mistakes and I've grown up. I guess all that might not be enough. That's no reason to talk to guys now though. I'll take responsibility for my actions then but that's not fair to me now.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Daz423 (Apr 5, 2012)

Jonesey said:


> You are not a fool.
> You just trusted your wife.As we all
> should do, in a loving and trusting marriage. Bear one thing in mind.
> There is no shame wanting to reconcile,what so ever.But it is a huge shame to reconcile.if the price tag is your dignity...
> ...


_Posted via Mobile Device_
Your right but maybe she is telling me the truth now and I just feel there's more or maybe I'll never know the truth


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## Jonesey (Jul 11, 2011)

AllThePrettyHorses said:


> I think, by the way, that she love-hates you.
> One part of her wants to forgive and take you back. That's the woman who is in your bed, who tells you how her day went.
> 
> *The other part of her wants to bolt from the betrayal (not even the sex, but your actual abandonment of her), wants to make you pay for emotionally crushing her by giving you a taste of your own medicine,*
> ...


Seriously , your are not being funny 
any more..Why so bitter??


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## Jonesey (Jul 11, 2011)

Daz423 said:


> So your saying she'll never get over what I did and the relationship is pretty much over and has been for 5 years? She just doesn't want to tell me? I don't get it why would she waste her time with me then?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Don't buy that..It just plain and simply bull**** from a bitter women.


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## Daz423 (Apr 5, 2012)

AllThePrettyHorses said:


> It's not about fairness.
> It's a normal reaction to your escapades.
> And it makes perfect sense to me that she talks to other guys. Who does she want to talk to? You? You're the whole culprit in this mess.
> You kicked loose a chain reaction that is now out of your control.
> You can drive your car in a ditch and be sorry, but the car will still be damaged and broken-down.


Then why doesnt she talk to me??? What I'm getting from you is I caused this it's my fault and I deal with it or leave. Is that about right?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Daz423 (Apr 5, 2012)

Jonesey said:


> Don't buy that..It just plain and simply bull**** from a bitter women.


I refuse to believe its my fault and it's over. That's just crazy people are responsible for their actions provoked or unprovoked
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Daz423 (Apr 5, 2012)

AllThePrettyHorses said:


> Responsible, yes. Absolutely. What she's doing is infantile. She needs to come clean with what she wants and you should find proof for her to do so.
> 
> But it didn't come out of nowhere, and if you look at why things are how they are, it would help immensely.
> I could tell you it was hormones causing her to act off her rocker, but that wouldn't be correct.


I know why she did it I get it I abandoned her. I'm not 100% sure there is anything else she needs to admit. I have no idea to be honest I suspect there is but I've been wrong before.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jonesey (Jul 11, 2011)

Daz423 said:


> _Posted via Mobile Device_
> Your right but maybe she is telling me the truth now and I just feel there's more or maybe I'll never know the truth


She is not telling you the truth..
Sorry but i can bet my 12 month´s
salary on that..
And also please don't pay any attention to AllThePrettyHorses..
Talk to much nonsense..


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## Jonesey (Jul 11, 2011)

AllThePrettyHorses said:


> I will report you if you keep insulting me. I am entitled to my opinion.
> And bitterness has nothing to do with how people react to your actions. In fact, I don't steer causality, things just naturally work a certain way.


Are you serious?? Me insulting 
you?? Damn seriously?

Your not even pulling **** out of your 
ass..*sigh* 
Please explain how you seem to have this infallible insight in to
OP´s wife behavior and revenge reason?? I mean scheming revenge plan´s for 5 year´s.Just to punish him..If you for some galactic odd reason would be right, with your way 
of reason and explanation.

We should not be talking about possible reconciliation. The conversation should then.What is the best way to get his wife to get.Some serious professional help..


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## KanDo (Jun 15, 2011)

Daz423 said:


> Keko your right I'll never look at my marriage the same way until I know for sure. What if I do everything that was mentioned and find out nothing and she still tells me nothing happened whats next?
> 
> jnj I get what your saying and he was really her only male friend and I told her a long time ago I didn't want her talking to him and she flat out refused it.... i guess look where that got me. I have friends that are single women so I would have to stop being friends with them or it would be a double standard. The poly idea is a good one* but what if she says no... then do I just end it?*


I am sorry you are here. boundaries and consequences are a necessary part of a healthy marriage. Ultimately you have to be willing to end it if your boundaries are being breached. But, the reality is that you don't have a marriage if your boundaries are not being kept.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Daz, she definitely slept with him. Look at your original post. Read it again as if a different person posted it and what advice would you give him? She is definitely was sleeping with him. That added to the calls from his gf should prove it beyond doubt. Talk to his gf if you can. She will definitely have some proof. Ask her for a polygraph and check her reactions. If she has an iphone or a smart phone, you can recover the text messages.

Before doing either of these, tell her that your marriage might have a chance if she had affairs but it has no further chance if she keeps lying about the affairs. tell her that you are going to get every text message she sent and received from him through special software and if you find more lies, then you will dump her immediately. I can bet my life saving that she is still lying. Keep pushing until you get the truth. She definitely slept with him. Don't stop until she confesses. You will have a false marriage until she confesses to the whole thing.


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## kittykat09 (Mar 26, 2012)

Daz423 said:


> I refuse to believe its my fault and it's over. That's just crazy people are responsible for their actions provoked or unprovoked
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It is absolutely not your fault she is cheating on you. You may have created a lot of problems when you wanted that separation, and that probably greatly influenced her, but the choice to continue was hers.

Still, this is one situation where if you choose to divorce you should now know how to avoid (or at least make less likely).


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## Daz423 (Apr 5, 2012)

I woke up this morning and read what you guys wrote now I feel sick to my stomach  I can't even ask her about anything until late tonight when she gets home from her second job. I know it looks bad from everything I've said but I still don't want to believe it. Whatever the outcome is I will definitely learn something from this. I'm just totally blown and confused right now


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## Daz423 (Apr 5, 2012)

Trying to get a hold of the MC, to see if she can talk to me tomorrow about it. I hope it works out. My girl asked if she should stay at her moms tonight. I told her I feel like shes trying to run away from the problem. She just said she isn't but she feels like I'm going to leave her now anyway. I don't really deny it when she says this. Should I give her reassurance that I'm not going to leave her? I don't know if I am though.


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## Gooch78 (Mar 19, 2012)

Im sorry to tell you.. The moment you found out she slept with another man while being seperated and not divorced, you should have never come back. 
There is nothing to be emarrased off, its going to be her loss. Walk away, start new. Gather as much evedinse as you can against her, hire a private detective, place a GPS monitor on her car. Bust her.. In my country, she would go to jail, very difficult to prove. If you live in Europe or the US, she would financially screw your life, so get proof, so financially she cant screw you.


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## Daz423 (Apr 5, 2012)

I slept with other women when we were separated too though and I initiated the separation.


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## Daz423 (Apr 5, 2012)

Does anyone have AT&T? it would be to much to get a record of all her text messages in the last year but would I be able to get a record of all picture messages sent and received? I don't know OM phone number


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## CH (May 18, 2010)

Daz423 said:


> Does anyone have AT&T? it would be to much to get a record of all her text messages in the last year but would I be able to get a record of all picture messages sent and received? I don't know OM phone number


Do you guys share the account? If so you can ask for a copy of the bill and some providers do save text messages up to a certain point. Not sure which ones though.

As to not knowing his number, once you see the bill you'll spot his number right away. it'll be the one with the most traffic to aside from yours and family members.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

you can get text records online for a year from AT&T but you only get the phone numbers and not if pics were sent or what they said

if she has an iphone you might be able to pull some of the old texts from her backup file in the itunes program on her computer


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## Daz423 (Apr 5, 2012)

So I wont be able to get the actual messages or anything... Just the numbers really wont help.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

what kind of phone, some phones you can retrieve deleted text messages but not thru AT&T records, they require a warrant for that


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## Daz423 (Apr 5, 2012)

iPhone how would I check itunes?


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

are you good with computers?

you need to access the computer that she syncs her phone with

mac or PC?


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

if you have a mac go here:

Macintosh HD/Users/[insert user name]/Library/Application Support/MobileSync. In there is a folder called Backup


then find the following files

Here are the files to look for on your WW's cpu:

1) These are all text messages synced to cpu (deleted or not): 3d0d7e5fb2ce288813306e4d4636395e047a3d28

2) These are all her contacts stored on phone: 31bb7ba8914766d4ba40d6dfb6113c8b614be442


then do this

Copy to your desktop. Download TextPad, install, and then open the backup files in TextPad. Hard to read, but keep scrolling and it's all there.


If you have a PC, find the files here and follow the steps above:

Documents and Settings\USERNAME\Application Data\Apple Computer\MobileSync\Backup


note that almost all pc's have the notepad program already located in the "accessories" file


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## Daz423 (Apr 5, 2012)

PC yea im pretty good with computers


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

well try the above, several TAM posters uncovered cheating that way


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## Daz423 (Apr 5, 2012)

Almostrecovered said:


> then find the following files
> 
> Here are the files to look for on your WW's cpu:
> 
> ...


I can't find this Im on windows 7 I've tried searching for apple computer, mobile sync, ect and i get nothing. This would really help me out


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

Ive heard that before, I dont have windows 7 yet at home so I dont know how to find the backup file in that OS, let me google it and get back to you


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## Daz423 (Apr 5, 2012)

Thank you very much I appreciate it


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

try this iTunes Backup File under Windows 7 - where is it? - iPhone, iPad, iPod Forums at iMore.com


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## Daz423 (Apr 5, 2012)

Thanks bro found it! now time to explore I'll report what I find


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

hope it works


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## Tap1214 (Aug 14, 2011)

What you both did while seperated (sleeping with others), has nothing to do with what's going on right now. 
The reality is, you guys are back together and trying to make your marriage work. On her part, she has continued to keep in touch with OM / and is cheating on you. I know it hurts to hear that, but from outside looking in and reading your post, it's very clear she's not being honest with you and is hiding her relationship from you.
Always remember, ACTIONS speak louder then words!!


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## Ingalls (Mar 7, 2012)

ANOTHER reason I "need" an Iphone vs our androids


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## Daz423 (Apr 5, 2012)

Alright well I spent a couple hours checking text messages still got some files left to check. I found text messages to her friends telling them he asked her to hook up with him, but she said she wouldn't do it. I confronted her again about her not telling me the whole truth she admitted she sent him a picture of one of her boobs but no face. Thats all she would admit. I keep pounding it into her head that it's 10x better for her to tell me then me to find out other ways. This is all she will admit.


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## iheartlife (Apr 4, 2012)

:banghead: They never do figure out that it's about the LYING, do they?? 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Daz423 (Apr 5, 2012)

No they don't so should I expect more stuff to come out? She told her friends she wasn't going to sleep with the guy Im still very confused


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

Daz423 said:


> Alright well I spent a couple hours checking text messages still got some files left to check. I found text messages to her friends telling them he asked her to hook up with him, but she said she wouldn't do it. I confronted her again about her not telling me the whole truth she admitted she sent him a picture of one of her boobs but no face. Thats all she would admit. I keep pounding it into her head that it's 10x better for her to tell me then me to find out other ways. *This is all she will admit*.


She didn't admit about the fb messages being deleted right? Her actions and your evidence matters more then her words.

Did your W ever had to work late or go out somewhere during these messages? Anything out of the ordinary?


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## Daz423 (Apr 5, 2012)

Honestly these messages were from a while ago so I'm not sure. But she works two jobs so shes always out. She finally admitted to deleting the messages I confronted her sunday morning she confessed sunday night about deleting them.


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

Daz423 said:


> Honestly these messages were from a while ago so I'm not sure. But she works two jobs so shes always out. She finally admitted to deleting the messages I confronted her sunday morning she confessed sunday night about deleting them.


Can you track where she is? going to work, leaving work, between work's, etc.


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## Daz423 (Apr 5, 2012)

Not really if I have to do that in going to end it
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

Sync the phone again and repeat the process, you'll get the latest round of messages


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Come to find out after checking her messages that back in July she had a very inappropriate conversation with which included them talking about having sex at her work on a Saturday and him asking her if I was home and if I wasn't if he could come over.

You said you have the screenshots, right? Can you post the relevant conversation? We can give a neutral POV if the talk is just sexting or not, based on the tone of the messages.


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## Daz423 (Apr 5, 2012)

I do not have the screen shots anymore cause I deleted them I couldn't look t them anymore. 
OM "I want to come to your work and hit it on one of those table things"
W"that would be interesting"
OM "your giving me a chubby right now can you help me with that"
OM "well"
W "well what"
W "Oh yea I can help you with that"
OM "if he wasn't there would you let me come over"
W"Yea but he says so oh well"
Thats all I can remember into detail. Right now


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## kenmoore14217 (Apr 8, 2010)

Daz423 said:


> I do not have the screen shots anymore cause I deleted them I couldn't look t them anymore.
> OM "I want to come to your work and hit it on one of those table things"
> W"that would be interesting"
> OM "your giving me a chubby right now can you help me with that"
> ...


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## Tap1214 (Aug 14, 2011)

OMG, she's cheating on you and she keep lying to you, but you always seem to come back with making more excuses on why you need more proof of her cheating etc ...ugh! 

What do you want? You want to catch her having sex with him?? That's not going to happen, as she knows your on to her and she's going to be more discreet and take it underground.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

She had to change both of your numbers so you can't recieve "annonymous" phone calls rating her out. She has his number and can talk to him anytime she wants.


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