# Okay....The Spousal/Child Support Check Bounced



## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

I'm convinced my stbx is a moron. He is way behind with spousal support and child support payments. Several weeks ago the mediator really nailed him for lack of payments. He basically blew her off and said no one would do anything about it. He foolishly went on to tell her his life and bills came first. Well, I did get a check that day. The week after another check arrived. Wow! I thought we were making progress. Unfortunately, the bank notified me today it was returned for NSF. He didn't bother to send a check last week either. It's a mess!

No need to feel sorry for him. He is living the life. He lives in a gated community at the beach. And he has had the 20 something year old mistress living with him for more than a year. 

Has anyone else dealt with such arrogance (& stupidity)?


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

You need to attach his wages.

Might need to get a lawyer instead of a mediator.

He's not playing by the rules.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

michzz,

That's what is so stupid. He is now in contempt of court before two judges. We have a hearing before the family court judge in a few weeks. My attorney has also subpoenaed the mistress to appear. The divorce lawyer wants to show the judge what a scum bag he really is. Nonetheless, I've already been told he will go to jail for being in contempt. After that the judge will probably order a garnishment on is pay check. Anyway, I'm just grateful my family helps out. In the mean time it's a royal pain in the neck!


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

I can see that. Sad that he wants the death spiral.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

It's definitely a death spiral. He holds a professional license, so he makes a good living. Yet, he has nothing now. This man is even driving with a suspended license, no tag or car insurance. The IRS is on him too. 

My divorce lawyer and therapist have never seen anything quite like this. The mistress is 20 years younger than the stbx. Both lawyer and therapist say a high maintenance woman like that will only stay with an older man because there is money. So, where is all the money he took out of our business and from his job. It just doesn't make sense. Every time we get in court, the estranged husband does nothing but lie. That's another reason the attorney is pulling the mistress into the next hearing. It's about time we get some straight answers and a check that doesn't bounce!


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

827Aug said:


> It's definitely a death spiral. He holds a professional license, so he makes a good living. Yet, he has nothing now. This man is even driving with a suspended license, no tag or car insurance. The IRS is on him too.
> 
> My divorce lawyer and therapist have never seen anything quite like this. The mistress is 20 years younger than the stbx. Both lawyer and therapist say a high maintenance woman like that will only stay with an older man because there is money. So, where is all the money he took out of our business and from his job. It just doesn't make sense. Every time we get in court, the estranged husband does nothing but lie. That's another reason the attorney is pulling the mistress into the next hearing. It's about time we get some straight answers and a check that doesn't bounce!


Do you have MEO (Maintenance Enforcement Office) where you live? Here in Canada you register for free with them (it's easy don't need a lawyer) and they enforce the exisiting court order. They garnishee wages, tax returns, seize property, suspend driver's licenses and jail deadbeat support payers. I'd be up the creek without MEO.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

To my mind, there is something fundamentally dangerous about someone who 'deactivates' their sense of responsibility, remorse, and guilt. 

Means one of two things, he either truly doesn't care, and frighteningly, may actually enjoy giving the establishment the finger. Or, he is deeply depressed and just riding the rocket to self-destruction.

Either way? You should avoid this guy at all costs. 
His behavior is way beyond avoidance or irresponsibility. He has grown comfortable with criminal behavior.

He needs a '30 day vacation' to re-adjust and re-prioritize.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Deejo said:


> To my mind, there is something fundamentally dangerous about someone who 'deactivates' their sense of responsibility, remorse, and guilt.


That's the scary part. The attorney and therapist now define him as a sociopath. They have prepared me for the worst. I worry about my children a lot though. 

The mediator said she had worked in this particular judge's court a lot. She told my attorney the judge, without a doubt, will be sending the man to spend some time at the county jail. He's going to end up losing his professional license.

I'm currently looking for employment (within my limitations). Disability is still an option. However, that requires a pulmonologist, cardiologist, and psychologist to do a current assessment. That's kind of hard without money--considering I already have a $220K medical bill. So, this unnecessary saga continues.......


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## Mrs.G (Nov 20, 2010)

827Aug said:


> michzz,
> 
> That's what is so stupid. He is now in contempt of court before two judges. We have a hearing before the family court judge in a few weeks. My attorney has also subpoenaed the mistress to appear. The divorce lawyer wants to show the judge what a scum bag he really is. Nonetheless, I've already been told he will go to jail for being in contempt. After that the judge will probably order a garnishment on is pay check. Anyway, I'm just grateful my family helps out. In the mean time it's a royal pain in the neck!


:slap: Bloody hell, you're lucky to be rid of this bastard.
I hope he goes to jail and his mistress burns in hell. I don't like home wrecking slags.
People love Angelina Jolie. Not me! She's a nasty hore who has broken up two marriages.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

golfergirl said:


> Do you have MEO (Maintenance Enforcement Office) where you live? Here in Canada you register for free with them (it's easy don't need a lawyer) and they enforce the exisiting court order. They garnishee wages, tax returns, seize property, suspend driver's licenses and jail deadbeat support payers. I'd be up the creek without MEO.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


To my knowledge we do not have a MEO here in my state. This is new territory for me, so I leave a lot of the decisions up to my attorney. Form my understanding, the first step is to go before the judge and get a court order for the spousal/child support. Now that he has not complied with that court order, my attorney filed for a contempt hearing. At that contempt hearing, the judge will determine what further steps should be taken.

For most people a court order is sufficient motivation. It has no meaning for my estranged husband. Neither do the other things you mentioned for that matter. The house (which he walked away from) is in foreclosure, liens are now on basically everything we own. Bank accounts have been garnished and assets have been seized. Creditors (from the business he gutted) have pulled us into court--only he doesn't show. Hence, he is in contempt of court for that. We have been summoned to appear before IRS; he ignores that too. The divorce mediator threw her hands up in disbelief. She wonders how a person can go through life so disconnected from reality. That's the very thing which gnaws at me. What is it going to take to reconnect him to reality?


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Mrs.G said:


> :slap: Bloody hell, you're lucky to be rid of this bastard.
> I hope he goes to jail and his mistress burns in hell. I don't like home wrecking slags.
> People love Angelina Jolie. Not me! She's a nasty hore who has broken up two marriages.


"Lucky" will be the day the divorce is final!

I can hardly wait for the mistress to appear in court for questioning. It's going to be sweet! My therapist thinks she will ignore the subpoena though. If she does, she can accompany her "Sugar Daddy" to jail. Even better!


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

827Aug said:


> To my knowledge we do not have a MEO here in my state. This is new territory for me, so I leave a lot of the decisions up to my attorney. Form my understanding, the first step is to go before the judge and get a court order for the spousal/child support. Now that he has not complied with that court order, my attorney filed for a contempt hearing. At that contempt hearing, the judge will determine what further steps should be taken.
> 
> For most people a court order is sufficient motivation. It has no meaning for my estranged husband. Neither do the other things you mentioned for that matter. The house (which he walked away from) is in foreclosure, liens are now on basically everything we own. Bank accounts have been garnished and assets have been seized. Creditors (from the business he gutted) have pulled us into court--only he doesn't show. Hence, he is in contempt of court for that. We have been summoned to appear before IRS; he ignores that too. The divorce mediator threw her hands up in disbelief. She wonders how a person can go through life so disconnected from reality. That's the very thing which gnaws at me. What is it going to take to reconnect him to reality?


Wow he would cut off his nose to spite his face. I hope the system works in your favor. My ex voluntarily quit his job to try and get out of paying. Had court two weeks ago - judge still hasn't ruled.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

golfergirl said:


> Wow he would cut off his nose to spite his face. I hope the system works in your favor. My ex voluntarily quit his job to try and get out of paying. Had court two weeks ago - judge still hasn't ruled.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It sounds as though your ex husband has sank pretty low as well. I wish you well with your struggle.


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## Mrs.G (Nov 20, 2010)

827Aug said:


> "Lucky" will be the day the divorce is final!
> 
> I can hardly wait for the mistress to appear in court for questioning. It's going to be sweet! My therapist thinks she will ignore the subpoena though. If she does, she can accompany her "Sugar Daddy" to jail. Even better!


I had sugar daddies when I was younger, about seven years and thirty pounds ago.  It felt good to use men after being used and tricked by them. Thank god that phase of my life is done. I learned so much about men and relationships.

All of mine were very single...I could NEVER knowingly be a mistress. If I met any that wouldn't give me a home number or bring me to their place....that was a red flag. I'm not going to have a broken marriage on my conscience.


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## Mrs.G (Nov 20, 2010)

827, I know you don't feel lucky going through this. I was just trying to put a positive spin on this awful situation. Sorry if I offended you.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Mrs.G said:


> 827, I know you don't feel lucky going through this. I was just trying to put a positive spin on this awful situation. Sorry if I offended you.


Oh, I'm not at all offended. It will, indeed, be a good day when this divorce is final, and I can change my name back. At least by changing my name people in our rural area can quit associating me with that scum bag.

I'm glad while in your "sugar baby" days, you never crossed that line with a married man. Those women who do that to a family are beyond low.


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## Mrs.G (Nov 20, 2010)

My father and most of the men in my family were proud cheaters. I will NEVER be like them and I will never be the long suffering doormat wife my mother was. 

Some of the men I tried to have an arrangement with became too clingy, which ended the relationship before we started to have sex. Sugar daddies often expect exclusivity, yet want to sleep around. If we are not a couple, I can still date, just as he can.

Being a kept woman was interesting and exciting. When I met Mr.G, I was only looking for a sugar daddy because I had given up hope that I would ever meet a decent man. I thought they were all pigs. I forgot all about money and bitterness and allowed Mr.G to court me and treat me well. Love happened when I least expected it. He told me later that he could hear how jaded I was and he wanted to prove that not all men were jerks. I was fresh from two break ups of men who I cared about; both of them were lying, selfish pricks. My outlook on love changed that fateful night..it was the week I turned 25.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

I have indicated previously that a very long time ago I worked with troubled kids. Gang-bangers, car thieves, criminals and a few frighteningly ... under 16 sexual predators.

I can't describe the mindset ... other than to indicate that your description of your estranged, fits the mindset.

The things you or I would worry about? They simply don't register. 

I worked with one true, sociopath. The truly frightening ones know how to role play 'normal'. Best description I can give? It's like dealing with a wild animal. You walk a very fine line in any interaction, take nothing for granted, and never, ever, let your guard down ... even when they try to convince you that is what you should do. The moment that happens? They rip your throat out.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Deejo,

Thanks for the insight. We rarely see such behavior here in rural America. Many of us are truly naive when it comes to deciphering such strange behavior. My therapist really worries about me.

The mind games are getting exhausting. The estranged husband appears "normal" to our children, so it gets to be a bad situation all the way around. Apparently they also cover for him a lot. I think that is getting difficult now. He isn't spending money on them (or paying child support). He tells him he is paying child support and he won't be able to buy things for them any longer. Hopefully they will figure out that lie soon enough.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

*Update-* I just got back from the contempt hearing today. My attorney is quite skilled; I love to watch him work. Since the estranged husband is close to $7K in arrears on the child/spousal support, there must me a reason. Right? Of course there is. The estranged husband's first priority is to his live in girlfriend. Therefore, my attorney subpoenaed her as a witness today.

She was not happy to be there. First, she and the estranged husband were late getting to the hearing. That didn't sit well with the judge at all. I couldn't believe how they showed up to court--The girl's appearance was majorly disheveled. Although she is in her twenties, she looks more to be more in her late 30s. And she appears to be anorexic to boot. And for maximum drama, she was crying part of the time.

My attorney had her to leave the room while he questioned my husband. Afterwards she was brought back into the room for questioning. I mean there was some major lying going on. Neither of them could tell the truth or get their stories straight. There is obviously much more going on. My husband makes a lot of money and yet can't pay me. Apparently his utilities get cut off, he's behind on rent, etc. He said the girlfriend doesn't work. She says she does work. Really strange.

The judge didn't buy into any of that though. He sentenced the estranged husband to 30 days in the county jail. However, he told my husband he would suspend the sentence if he made the court ordered payments (to include the amount in arrears plus attorney fees). If he is even one day late (or anymore checks bounce), he will be picked up by a deputy.

After the hearing, my attorney really told me something that helped. Perhaps I see it as validation or some closure. He told me that mistress was nowhere near the woman I am. I had her beat in every category. That woman basically showed up looking like the tramp she really is. She looked so horrible, I really wonder WHAT she is on. She and my husband are pathetic. Anyway, my bruised ego and self-esteem got a huge boost by finally seeing the OW for what she really is.....and what my attorney had to say to me.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Well, some things never change. Another check has bounced. Therefore, I have received less than half of what the judge ordered for the month. At the end of the month I will have to report all of this to my attorney. Things are sure to get messy then. 

My estranged husband will get 30 days in the county jail. His employer will most likely fire him. And it will further alienate our children from me. He is a champion at the mind games. He really has the children feeling sorry for him. He wears the ragged clothes, has very little food around, has no television, and sometimes has power and cell phone cut off. But, yet he continues to live in a gated community at the beach. He makes plenty of money--even after my cut. I just wish the children could realize his suffering is of his own doing. Obviously the children don't see what he is really spending his money on.


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