# my wife left, ive realised my wrongs, but she wont listen



## aaronshort (Sep 25, 2017)

my wife of 2 years left me for a week, i didnt contact me for a week and i relaised that ive been controling and not listening to her and missed all the crys for help, i tryed to explin to her that i will do what ever i can to change, she then returned to say she is done, 
i reconise that ive been a controling figgure in her life so im not pushing her to do anything and trying to be lovng and co0perating with her but its hard to let her see that if shes given up and wont see me 
im giving her space and not calling or texting her and we have mutial friends that are going to talk to her and try to get her to give it another try, 

what should our friends say to her 
and what is my next move 

please help, i love her so much


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

What is an example of this alleged "controlling" behaviour, and who told you it was controlling?


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## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

aaronshort said:


> my wife of 2 years left me for a week, i didnt contact me for a week and i relaised that ive been controling and not listening to her and missed all the crys for help, i tryed to explin to her that i will do what ever i can to change, she then returned to say she is done,
> i reconise that ive been a controling figgure in her life so im not pushing her to do anything and trying to be lovng and co0perating with her but its hard to let her see that if shes given up and wont see me
> im giving her space and not calling or texting her and we have mutial friends that are going to talk to her and try to get her to give it another try,
> 
> ...


Your next move should be to focus on your self and not worry about her. Actions speak louder than words. So start acting like a man and stop trying to control her outcome. She might see it, she might not. It isn't up to you. But acting one way for several years and suddenly (a week?) saying that you have changed is not very compelling. It may be too late for this relationship, but if you really recognize that you need to change, then change. In the future it will pay off for you.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

You need to change for *your* sake. Maybe she will recognize that, maybe not. Unfortunately life doesn't come with ^z undo. Not all things can be reversed.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Check your phone bill before you do anything else.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

If you chase her in any way she will run. Your only chance is to leave her completely alone to make up her own mind. Accept whatever she chooses because no logic or promises or natural disasters will change her mind.


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## Vinnydee (Jan 4, 2016)

First thing I learned is that if a woman says she does not love you anymore, it is over. The best you can hope for is that she comes back for the financial security. There are no do overs in life. You cannot undo whatever it was that you did. You are just not compatible and adults rarely change who they are. We may all try to change, but eventually our true nature comes back again. If I were you I would find someone else. I am very controlling alpha male, but I married an old fashioned submissive woman who wanted an alpha male to take care of. Compared to her father, I am a ***** cat and have never did anything she did not agree to. I just need to be in charge of all things I do in life. I think it is more that she lets me rahter than I force myself on her.  In any event I had lots of girlfriends and even an ex fiancé that it never worked out with. My wife was perfect for the type of man I am and we got engaged 3 weeks after we met. I did not have to see more. Married 45 years. So many marry thinking that their spouse will change. They don't. What you see is what you get and yet so many complain and divorce when their spouse did not change. I think everyone should live together for a year before marriage. Just dating does not expose the real you to your spouse to be. One of the things about monogamy that is not good is taking each other for granted and expecting your spouse to fulfill all of your needs and being disappointed when he cannot. The current marriage structure does not work well and yet no one complains. Would you board a plane that had a 50% chance of failing? We designed our own marriage and that is the reason why we are still together. We both had someone that could provide the needs we could not provide for each other. Luckily it was the same person.


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## LaReine (Aug 14, 2017)

If you are asking friends to speak to her, you are still being controlling.

Let her go. She may come back to you, she may not.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

He must not be too concerned as he hasn't been back.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Define controlling.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Blondilocks said:


> He must not be too concerned as he hasn't been back.


This damn posting of yours' demands a reply!

Let me get back to you in a few days. :smile2:

....................................................................................................


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## tailrider3 (Oct 22, 2016)

He might be reeling from the truth. OP... Everyone is right. Blubbering gets you nowhere and pressuring her makes it worse. Let her go and relax for now. As others have said you work on yourself and stick with it. Be honest with yourself too and fix your flaws if you can. Good luck.


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## Clark G (Sep 5, 2012)

My thoughts would be two fold - first look at yourself and start to be the man that you want to be for you and for her. If you are ready to grow as a man then it's time to perhaps let go of some old beliefs and behaviors. This will take some work but will help you from falling back into what she left for in the first place.

Something I have done with my wife is what is called daily deposits - this could be a text, message, sticky note or whatever telling her why I love her, why I appreciate her, why I value her, etc. I don't expect a reply but I do it every single day usually just once or twice (not too much).

good luck


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