# Entering the fog after being cheated on...



## synonimous_anonymous (May 31, 2010)

I understand the fog. And I feel myself being drawn into it...maybe...how does one tell the difference between that and actually just no longer wanting to be part of the current relationship?

I went to another work related event. Different branches within a group getting together to become more 'team work' oriented by drinking beer, eating good food and talking.

Several females showed interest in me, several of them I work with on a weekly basis but don't know beyond the small work related chit chat that goes back and forth. Some know I'm married, others don't. I felt good about myself. I had to walk away from one conversation because with the beer in my system I could see that it was leading down a path that would end in saying or doing something inappropriate for both of us. However, walking away felt 'not good'. I felt, and this may seem selfish, I felt like "Here's a girl, young, pretty who is interested in me but doesn't know I'm married. She shows me the attention my wife once did but no longer does. She was filling a hole. This hole was something I never really felt was there until I caught my wife in her PA. Since then, the hole hasn't been filled and I've been waiting in limbo. Why not let this young lady fill the hole and see if she's willing to fill the rest as I leave my wife." Reading that out loud seems like a long thought, but it all felt like an instant feeling. Like "I could. I deserve to be happy." and while I know that the RIGHT answer according to most would be me walking away...why did doing so feel like I was leaving an opportunity behind? The fog perhaps...


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

I think of it as “getting back to reality”, but coming out of the fog is just as a good a description. Depends how long you’ve been in your marriage, the longer the marriage the longer it takes.

There’s no doubt we are “left with a hole” when things come to an end. But I think we can look to fill that hole with another person far to quickly. Personally I think it better to heal the hole first and then look around. At that time we’ll know if we’re looking for more or less the same type of person as we were once with or maybe to be with someone radically different or somewhere in between.

The healing can take a while. I was with my wife 42 years and I’m coming up to a year separated. I know I’m well on the way to being healed but I’m not quite there as yet.

Bob


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Tell your wife. Sends the signal that you did the right thing, where she didn't - and lets her know that you have options, as you patiently wait for her to come around.

Basically, telling her should light a fire under her a$$. If it doesn't, part ways and go see where those conversations could lead.


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