# i really really need help please



## ziggyy (Sep 19, 2012)

Hi to all ;

after 12 years marriage with two kids, my wife told me that she doesn't want to live with me anymore.

when i asked her please not to go to see solicitors, lawyers yet, she has told me that she is not ready to deal with solicitors yet...is this a good sign ? is that means she is very angry with me but not sure about divorce ???

we haven't argued at all lately but she says sometimes i do get stressed very quickly, altough i don't show any violence towards her i do get angry quickly and say things or make comments and she also says that i have been making comments before which wasn't nice and those comments hurt her very much.


also she is visiting the women's center and she says she is doing 6 weeks course to do with her depression but i am a little bit scared that this women's center will lead her to solicitos, lawyers and divorcing me !


is it too late ? she is angry but everyday i feel like want to talk to her and i want to hear from her that she won't divorce me...

what should i do ?????? 

her saying that 'she is not ready to face lawyers yet and she needs to sort herself out, is this means there is a great chance for me to get her back ????


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## synthetic (Jan 5, 2012)

No there's not a great chance of getting her back because you're weak and codependent. No woman is attracted to weakness.

Your only shot at getting her back is to get YOURSELF back first.

To do that, you should implement the following list of commandments as your "one and only" mission in life. Within weeks you will feel like a superhero compared to what you are right now. By then, your wife will no longer be able to dictate her bullsh1t to you. You have a walkaway wife. Deal with her like a walkaway wife should be dealt with.

Don't backtrack on these commandments. Your pain only gets prolonged if you do. Many of us have been where you are. Don't consider your case "unique" or "special". It's not.

*Synthetic's 10 Commandments*:

1. Read this link - *Just Let Them Go*

2. Follow the following rules: *The 180 degree rules*

3. Read this short book in the next 24 hours: No More Mr. Nice Guy

4. Separate all finances and stop supporting her 'single' lifestyle

5. Book a counseling appointment ASAP

6. Doesn't matter how you do it, but *sweat the pain of anxiety out*. Treadmills are your best friend. Use them. This is very important: You need to physically feel spent before you hit bed every night. 

7. Think a lot, read a lot, and cry as needed - This particular link should be open in your browser at all times and read multiple times: DO YOU LOVE TO BE NEEDED, OR NEED TO BE LOVED?

8. Find your social worth by socializing with as many people as possible (females work better). Spend time with friends, but don't just settle for your circle of friends. This is the best time to make new ones and feel attractive/attracted. You're not looking for sex or a relationship. You're looking for natural human attraction between you and others.

9. Do whatever it takes to go on a trip that involves a long flight, preferably to a country where English or your first language is not spoken

10. Start living an 'overly' fun life without feeling any guilt. This is the hardest task ahead. It's important to wash the guilt out of yourself once you have realized where it originates from via all the reading and counseling you've done.


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## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

ziggyy said:


> Hi to all ;
> 
> after 12 years marriage with two kids, my wife told me that she doesn't want to live with me anymore.
> 
> ...


So what are you doing to stop saying mean things to her... Are you going to stop for good? How are planning to do that? It sounds like she's pretty much tired of it.. so now its up to you to SHOW her you plan on changing.. could be too late, but you never know til you try.


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## ziggyy (Sep 19, 2012)

Cherry said:


> So what are you doing to stop saying mean things to her... Are you going to stop for good? How are planning to do that? It sounds like she's pretty much tired of it.. so now its up to you to SHOW her you plan on changing.. could be too late, but you never know til you try.


i haven't said anything mean to her for a long time but i must admit that sometimes i keep going on things forever, i mean i moan and complain a lot about silly things and i get stressed very quickly

i told her that i will be doing stress management and anger management courses for next 8 weeks

i am always good to her, showing lots of love..she does tell me that i am very nice to her %90 of the time but when i in bad mood that %10 of the time it effects her very badly...i wasn't aware !

we have 2 kids, hose, mortgage, future plans etc and i don't want to loose her and everything that we build over the years


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## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

ziggyy said:


> i haven't said anything mean to her for a long time but i must admit that sometimes i keep going on things forever, i mean i moan and complain a lot about silly things and i get stressed very quickly
> 
> i told her that i will be doing stress management and anger management courses for next 8 weeks
> 
> ...


I'm happy to hear you're working on you too . Good luck to you


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## ziggyy (Sep 19, 2012)

Cherry said:


> I'm happy to hear you're working on you too . Good luck to you


thank you but she is still angry (been about 5 days since she told me she doesn't want to be with me anymore) and keep reminding me all the silly things that i said or made in the past

i keep telling her that we have been doing ok and she says no

i am nice to her and very good father to my sons we don't need to divorce ! she doesn't understand ..

i really believe that problems we have or the things that makes her unhappy can be fixed but at the moment she is so negative and she doesn't want to know


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## This is me (May 4, 2011)

Couple of red flags. The womens center can take simple anger and turn it into a sympathetic hearing of abuse. Also, if she is dealing with depression, it could be a sign of a Mid Life Crisis.

Men get labeled as the ones who suffer from it, but I would venture to say more women do with the number of women filing for divorce. 2/3 of all divorces are filed by women. 

The MLC makes the sufferer unhappy and they need to blame someone, because in their minds it is not them, it must be the spouse. The truth is we are all responsible for our own happiness and when depression in the form of MLC happens it put the person in the blame fog.

You should 180 for you and read Divorce Remedy or Divorce Busting for guidance.

I wish you well.


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