# One year ago today...



## sczinger

Wow. Has it been a year already since she moved out to pursue the affair she had with her boss? I remember the good folks on here telling me it was going to take a year or more for healing to take place. I also remember thinking to myself, "There is no way I can handle this kind of pain for a year. Maybe three months and then I'll be OK?" It's been a whirlwind but I believe I have finally turned a corner. I know there will be more days when I spend a few minutes instead of hours wondering why she left but as time goes on and I think of all the signs that I didn't see that recently have shown me her worth, she is more and more devalued. She is one broken person in a world full of wonderful, genuine and caring women. It is a great feeling to finally stop doubting myself and wondering what I thought I could have done better to prevent it from happening. I am in control of my life and happiness and I am coming out the other side a much better and stronger person. It may have been the greatest gift I've ever been given.


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## sunsetmist

You have come so far--congratulations. Wise post above--you will continue to grow and fly happy.


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## Vinnydee

I lost my fiancé to a close friend when I was overseas in combat no less. It was her idea for me to join the Army so that we could get married when I got back from combat. If I got back that is. Surprisingly enough I was over her in a few months. I met a girl, we spent a month together and then I met another girl who lived with me for a year and then I met my wife of 46 years. Was not heartbroken after the first time. I found the best way to get over a girl is to get under another one. Sex releases Oxytocin which is a hormone that emotionally bonds a couple together. So lots of sex with another girl bonded me to her and old girlfriend was just a bad memory. 

My ex fiancé ended up becoming a drug addict, bipolar and cheated on her husband with a woman she is now married to. So it worked out great for me and imagine if I had spent a good part of my life bemoaning losing her. What a waste of time that would have been.


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## sczinger

Vinnydee said:


> I met a girl, we spent a month together and then I met another girl who lived with me for a year and then I met my wife of 46 years. Was not heartbroken after the first time. I found the best way to get over a girl is to get under another one.


I'm glad things worked out for you. I have dated a bit, most likely too soon, after she left but found I was just trying to replace her instead of invest in me. I've found comfort in my own company and everything else is just icing. Thank you for your service!!!


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## Ynot

sczinger said:


> I'm glad things worked out for you. I have dated a bit, most likely too soon, after she left but found I was just trying to replace her instead of invest in me. I've found comfort in my own company and everything else is just icing. Thank you for your service!!!


Good for you in recognizing that you were simply trying to replace what you had lost. Way too many people do that exact thing. So they jump out of one bad relationship right back into another. Just keep allowing life to happen, as much as you think you turned the corner so far - just wait! There are so many more corners you will turn. In another year or two you ill wonder why the heck you even upset to begin with.


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## sokillme

Just wait until year 2.


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## arbitrator

sczinger said:


> Wow. Has it been a year already since she moved out to pursue the affair she had with her boss? I remember the good folks on here telling me it was going to take a year or more for healing to take place. I also remember thinking to myself, "There is no way I can handle this kind of pain for a year. Maybe three months and then I'll be OK?" It's been a whirlwind but I believe I have finally turned a corner. I know there will be more days when I spend a few minutes instead of hours wondering why she left but as time goes on and I think of all the signs that I didn't see that recently have shown me her worth, she is more and more devalued. She is one broken person in a world full of wonderful, genuine and caring women. It is a great feeling to finally stop doubting myself and wondering what I thought I could have done better to prevent it from happening. I am in control of my life and happiness and I am coming out the other side a much better and stronger person. It may have been the greatest gift I've ever been given.





Vinnydee said:


> I lost my fiancé to a close friend when I was overseas in combat no less. It was her idea for me to join the Army so that we could get married when I got back from combat. If I got back that is. Surprisingly enough I was over her in a few months. I met a girl, we spent a month together and then I met another girl who lived with me for a year and then I met my wife of 46 years. Was not heartbroken after the first time. I found the best way to get over a girl is to get under another one. Sex releases Oxytocin which is a hormone that emotionally bonds a coupe together. So lots of sex with another girl bonded me to her and old girlfriend was just a bad memory.
> 
> My ex fiancé ended up becoming a drug addict, bipolar and cheated on her husband with a woman she is now married to. So it worked out great for me. Not so good for her.


*Isn't it absolutely amazing how "karma" has an uncanny knack of coming back along and literally biting those deceptive, selfish people right in the middle of their a$$?*


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## Diana7

Its amazing how something so painful can end up leading to a far better and happier life. That happened to my husband as well. His ex met another man and divorced him. Not long after that we met, and have now been happily married for 13 years. His first marriage wasn't very happy, so she really did him a favour in the long run. Not nice at all at the time of course.
She is still single all these year later.


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## sczinger

I have not blocked any of my EWWs family but have not stayed in contact with any of them during the healing process either. It just dredges up so many memories of a relationship that ended so suddenly... So, day before yesterday I get a call from her daughter... the one that I love dearly. I just let it ring until it went to voicemail. She left no message but texted me 10 minutes later saying she "butt dialed me." We exchanged pleasantries and that was it. My anxiety level just went through the roof... Why, after just over a year, does it have this affect on me? Is it always going to be this way? I can't stand it. If makes me feel so out of control of my emotions. Then, she accidentally does the same thing the next day, but with no follow up message. This is driving me crazy. It makes me feel like the work I've done on myself for the past year is for naught...


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## Marc878

That's why you block them. No contact means no contact.

At this time you are keeping yourself in this. They are not your family.

You are keeping yourself in this for what purpose?


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## sczinger

I've gone and blocked all of them now. I have never heard from any of them until her call. I went through my phone yesterday and blocked all. Guess I was focused more on my EWW.


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## MovingForward

sczinger said:


> Wow. * It is a great feeling to finally stop doubting myself and wondering what I thought I could have done better to prevent it from happening. I am in control of my life and happiness and I am coming out the other side a much better and stronger person. It may have been the greatest gift I've ever been given*.


This is what I felt also, much better, stronger person and a gift to get out of a unhappy marriage I didn't even realize was unhappy when I was in it. I look better, feel better, have more money, more fun and have moved forward so much more than i did in the marriage.

Once I stopped blaming myself it was very easy to move on and forget about her and the why's, I stopped caring, I took a little time to see what I did wrong and what i could have done better and there were obviously mistakes I made and things i could have improved on and will use in my current relationship but none of it justified why she did what she did so I am at piece with it, i cannot control her actions and did not cause them and will never understand nor do care to understand what she was thinking or feeling anymore.


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## MovingForward

Marc878 said:


> That's why you block them. No contact means no contact.
> 
> At this time you are keeping yourself in this. They are not your family.
> 
> You are keeping yourself in this for what purpose?


I did this also, even her family her i had been somewhat friendly with and had reached out during/after the divorce, like @Marc878 says they are not your family anymore. 

Clean break is what is needed and since you do not share children it makes it much simpler and the clean break really helps.

Good luck with everything in the future


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## jorgegene

sczinger said:


> I have not blocked any of my EWWs family but have not stayed in contact with any of them during the healing process either. It just dredges up so many memories of a relationship that ended so suddenly... So, day before yesterday I get a call from her daughter... the one that I love dearly. I just let it ring until it went to voicemail. She left no message but texted me 10 minutes later saying she "butt dialed me." We exchanged pleasantries and that was it. My anxiety level just went through the roof... Why, after just over a year, does it have this affect on me? Is it always going to be this way? I can't stand it. If makes me feel so out of control of my emotions. Then, she accidentally does the same thing the next day, but with no follow up message. This is driving me crazy. It makes me feel like the work I've done on myself for the past year is for naught...


it's not an overnight thing, or even a 6 month or year thing.

but the pain eases little by little. i'm willing to bet, that for you the worst is over...........but there will be setbacks.

i ruminated about my ex. for years after i finally left because of cheating. even when the pain was all but gone, i would still think about her in my mind every now and then.
not so much with anguish, but just resolving all the issues in my head.
heck, it has been more than eight years now, i have a completely new life and i still thought about her the other day.

it never leaves you, but the pain does.


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## Marc878

Block any social media as well.


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## sczinger

I have blocked FB, Instagram, Twitter, ...all of them. Phone contacts, emails... Everything I can think of. Can't block the US mail, I don't think. That should cover it.


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## StillSearching

Congrats!
BTW. My wife of 25 years left 1 year ago today as well.
March 1st 2018


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## sczinger

StillSearching said:


> Congrats!
> BTW. My wife of 25 years left 1 year ago today as well.
> March 1st 2018


Contgrats to you as well. I'm really sorry that happened to you.

I was at home, alone, a couple day ago and heard someone on TV say to another character, "You don't know what grief is...". I thought to myself "Now there is something I have experienced." I thank God for that experience everyday. I know that if I can go through that kind of emotional pain I can survive anything.


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## StillSearching

sczinger said:


> Contgrats to you as well. I'm really sorry that happened to you.
> 
> I was at home, alone, a couple day ago and heard someone on TV say to another character, "You don't know what grief is...". I thought to myself "Now there is something I have experienced." I thank God for that experience everyday. I know that if I can go through that kind of emotional pain I can survive anything.


Well the truth is it wasn't the most kind of emotional pain I survived. 
My identical twin was killed in 1990.
THAT was worse than anything anyone could do to me.


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## plomito

sczinger said:


> Wow. Has it been a year already since she moved out to pursue the affair she had with her boss? I remember the good folks on here telling me it was going to take a year or more for healing to take place. I also remember thinking to myself, "There is no way I can handle this kind of pain for a year. Maybe three months and then I'll be OK?" It's been a whirlwind but I believe I have finally turned a corner. I know there will be more days when I spend a few minutes instead of hours wondering why she left but as time goes on and I think of all the signs that I didn't see that recently have shown me her worth, she is more and more devalued. She is one broken person in a world full of wonderful, genuine and caring women. It is a great feeling to finally stop doubting myself and wondering what I thought I could have done better to prevent it from happening. I am in control of my life and happiness and I am coming out the other side a much better and stronger person. It may have been the greatest gift I've ever been given.




Yes !!!!

It has been two years for me, and i honestly look at myself now and say wow.

The feeling is great, and trust me it will continue to get better from here. Keep on grinding 


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


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## David Wimberley

sczinger said:


> I'm glad things worked out for you. I have dated a bit, most likely too soon, after she left but found I was just trying to replace her instead of invest in me. I've found comfort in my own company and everything else is just icing. Thank you for your service!!!


Congratulations on the progress, and may I even say the achievement. When you can be happy alone (and it's not that hard once you see how to do it), you're bulletproof, and can enjoy whatever situation.


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## Sauvie Island

Awesome to hear, I'm hopefully not too far behind you bruh on the healing wagon.
I have often wondered what's the more difficult to overcome?

A wife/spouse that flat out leaves for someone else, leaving you with all sorts of insecurities, questions, and general ****ty feelings,
or
A wife/spouse that begs for months for you to come back, even using the kiddos prayers and tears to try and sway you, after being caught and exposed as a serial cheat? (that was my experience.)

Too many variables I'm sure...


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## David Wimberley

StillSearching said:


> Congrats!
> BTW. My wife of 25 years left 1 year ago today as well.
> March 1st 2018


Hang in there my friend. Happened to me too, 20-year relationship 17 of them married. We're here to support you. Amazing how common of an experience this is (I was suprised when I found this board). There are things you can do to feel better right away, and speed up total recovery. Believe me when I say your life can be better than ever.


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## StillSearching

David Wimberley said:


> Hang in there my friend. Happened to me too, 20-year relationship 17 of them married. We're here to support you. Amazing how common of an experience this is (I was suprised when I found this board). There are things you can do to feel better right away, and speed up total recovery. Believe me when I say your life can be better than ever.


My life is better than ever!!
I'm no longer married and no longer looking for some idealistic dream woman. 
I have great realistic relationship right now. I'm grounded in truth, virtue and meaning.


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## Chuck71

sczinger said:


> Contgrats to you as well. I'm really sorry that happened to you.
> 
> I was at home, alone, a couple day ago and heard someone on TV say to another character, "You don't know what grief is...". I thought to myself "Now there is something I have experienced." I thank God for that experience everyday. I know that if I can go through that kind of emotional pain I can survive anything.


It all....takes time. It sounds clique but it's the truth. I'll be at the seven year mark of my roller

coaster this fall. Did I miss her the first year after DDay / the D? Yes and no.... yes I missed WHO she

was but no....not the person she turned into. People want the person they fell in love with back 

and that is 99.9% impossible. I've seen my XW in town a few times, she tries to make reaches 

about every six months. But the times I have seen her......she is a stranger to me.

It's more sad you lost your connection with her daughter...but that would keep your XW always

"around the corner" and in your business. A friend I sent here about a year ago is at his six month

mark and he is as happy as a duck on a junebug. His step-daughter actually sided with him

in the D. Course she was in her 20s too.


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## SunCMars

arbitrator said:


> *Isn't it absolutely amazing how "karma" has an uncanny knack of coming back along and literally biting those deceptive, selfish people right in the middle of their a$$?*


If I remember correctly, correct me if I am mistaken...

Your EX got no kick in the posterior, and no Karma, as yet?

Some people are born with that silver spoon, that deep well of good luck.

Well, with her, maybe in her next life, she will get her just desserts. 

Dessert.. pecan and sawdust pie, with a dab of whips and screams on top.





[THM]- Nemesis Frankel.


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## arbitrator

SunCMars said:


> If I remember correctly, correct me if I am mistaken...
> 
> Your EX got no kick in the posterior, and no Karma, as yet?
> 
> Some people are born with that silver spoon, that deep well of good luck.
> 
> Well, with her, maybe in her next life, she will get her just desserts.
> 
> Dessert.. pecan and sawdust pie, with a dab of whips and screams on top.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> [THM]- Nemesis Frankel.


*Au Contraire!

She's got 2 out of 3 of her dope-head convict kids living with her and they're now throwing off babies like lemmings! Her problem ~ not mine!
And to boot, her poor oil portfolio went South!

Nothing that I really have to worry about putting up with any longer!*


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## sunsetmist

arbitrator said:


> *Au Contraire!
> 
> She's got 2 out of 3 of her dope-head convict kids living with her and they're now throwing off babies like lemmings! Her problem ~ not mine!
> And to boot, her poor oil portfolio went South!
> 
> Nothing that I really have to worry about putting up with any longer!*


I don't know. It seems to me that nasty, residual, sticky muck we try to leave behind has a vexatious way of irritating our sensitivities!


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