# Facebook friends



## vince (Jul 10, 2010)

Hi all,

At the moment I am going crazy about my wifes facebook account. I have one 2 but I rarely use it I was looking at her wall and postings via my account and noticed the amount of male friends she has. Most of them are married or in relationships , but one or 2 are single and 1 in particular has asked to talk to her via chat, (which my wife refused by the way, by the return post on her wall). I know that she is going to meet up and give a video she has of old school discos plays etc to an old school male friend. She has not told me about this which really makes me feel like shes being sneaky. I mean am i over reacting that shes meeting this man, just to give him some videos? I would not dream of meeting girls i knew at school to give them pictures etc without telling my wife. My wife also has a new Iphone and is forever on fb and hotmail etc and god knows what else. I am talking to her tommorrow night about this to ask her to delete her male friends, because its tearing me apart inside, I love her so much


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## veryconfusedhusband (Jul 3, 2010)

Really think you are overreacting at this point. I just got on facebook and I hardly use it and never post. I only got on as I have a 20 year HS reunion coming up and all info is on there.

Well anyway I have way more female friends on FB. These are almost all from HS. Sometimes they look at my family pics and comment etc. and I comment back but that is about it. But what if I loved FB and spent time on it - still no big deal.

If you become her friend on FB you will see most of her posts. You could tell her it makes you a bit uncomfortable and ask if she minds if you just check out her page. If she has is flirty on there or is secretive than I think you may have an issue. But go easy dont go banning things that is not going to work out well.


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## vince (Jul 10, 2010)

I am her friend thats why I can read whats on her wall. She does not appear to be being flirty shes a friendly women and does leave kisses on nearly all her posts which annoys me, when its to male friends..... I know it should not, but it does. I dont know much about Fb, hotmail etc and I dont know if I can view all the posts she is making by just being a friend.


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## countrygirl (Jul 6, 2010)

Yes, you're overreacting. I'm friends with lots of guys on FB, mostly old classmates. And my DH has lots of female FB friends. No big deal.


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## CLucas976 (Jun 27, 2010)

you're definately over-reacting. chill out.


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## greeneyeddolphin (May 31, 2010)

I see nothing to worry about. #1, it all sounds very innocent to me. #2, you're her friend on there so you can see everything she posts anyway, and I doubt she would have added you as her friend if she were up to anything. If it really bothers you so much, talk to her and tell her it makes you feel insecure or jealous or however you want to phrase it, but be prepared for her to not understand why you would feel that way.


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

She's meeting up with an old school male friend and hasn't told you ... I would say that's a red flag.

On the other hand women's xxx at the end of messages are way different to men's xxx. 

Bob


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## vince (Jul 10, 2010)

Thanks for the replies, guys. I guess i am overeacting, but it helps me to see what others think, although I am still uneasy about the meeting of the guy to give him old school stuff. I will talk to her tonight about it. How would you approach the subject. my stomach churns just thinking about it.


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

vince said:


> How would you approach the subject. my stomach churns just thinking about it.


My wife had a work colleague as a friend on facebook. He invited her to a virtual café for a coffee. This was while she was back in England visiting her mother. I asked her by email why she hadn’t told me about her relationship with him. She denied a “relationship” and of course it was all my fault that she hadn’t told me about him. Both the denial and it being my fault were totally untrue.

In your situation it may be that your wife “assumes” you know about her meeting up with her old school friend simply by the fact that the event is on her “wall” if that is indeed where it is.

You could say something like you’re disappointed that she didn’t talk it over with you first and see where she takes the conversation from there. Suggest you don’t respond to the answers, give yourself a day or two to digest what you’ve learnt and keep yourself cool.

Bob


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## CLucas976 (Jun 27, 2010)

vince said:


> Thanks for the replies, guys. I guess i am overeacting, but it helps me to see what others think, although I am still uneasy about the meeting of the guy to give him old school stuff. I will talk to her tonight about it. How would you approach the subject. my stomach churns just thinking about it.


why can't you go along and meet him too? doesn't seem unreasonable to me that she'd want to introduce school buddies to her husband.

Any of my old guy friends always meet my husband, I'm happy to have them do so. Why don't you just ask if you can go along?

If it was me as the wife in the situation I'd probably not only let hubby know I was doing it, but if he asked more than happily take him along, especially if thats what made him comfortable.

if its that big of a thing ask to go along, and go, with a positive mindset.


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## AmorousWarrior (Jul 6, 2010)

^This. 

My wife and I both have FB. She was on it first, then I got an account. We both are on it quite a bit actually because we are removed from alot of old friends. We are both very open about it and it's great. We can jointly brag about the kids and openly show how much we love each other. My life was quite different from hers growing up and I have a very large number of women as friends. Many of them models, some actresses, etc. But I have no problem with her adding them as friends. If her leaving kisses *really* bothers you that much then ask her to stop. It shouldn't be a big deal. 

Relax and enjoy it for what it is. Make it something that works for the both of you. Maybe you are a bit unhappy about how much she uses it because you are unfamiliar with it. BTW I'm on FB on my iphone posting with my mother in law. 
lol.


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## PoppyRivera (Jul 11, 2010)

Seems to me my husband has some kind of internet problem or flirting problem every couple of years. Recently the problem was with FB. He wrote a woman and told her that she was very special to him and he cared alot for her. My heart sank, I felt ill and I was angry. *How did I know he wrote this message to her? He left the page wide open and I saw it when I sat down to put on my shoes. It was as if he wanted me to see it, but his face was void of color when he saw me on the bed. I had my back to the laptop as if I sat down that way.


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## AmorousWarrior (Jul 6, 2010)

I'm sure that he flirts much more than once every couple of years. He's been hiding it and you happened to stumble across it. The reason that you found it wide open is because he has become comfortable with doing it because he normally doesn't get caught. 

This time, he happened to slip up and you were there. You guys need to have a serious talk.


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## traceyLee (Jul 13, 2010)

Vince,

I think those who are saying that you are over-reacting do not have issues with jealousy of any kind. I, for one, totally understand you. I don't think you are over-reacting as I am going through the exact same things with my wife. It makes me crazy to the point where I can't even stand it.

I think once someone does something to lose their trust then you will get mistrusting and jealous over more things. FB has been tearing us apart ever since we got on it. 

Let me know if you figure things out. I would love some help too.


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## PoppyRivera (Jul 11, 2010)

AmorousWarrior said:


> I'm sure that he flirts much more than once every couple of years. He's been hiding it and you happened to stumble across it. The reason that you found it wide open is because he has become comfortable with doing it because he normally doesn't get caught.
> 
> This time, he happened to slip up and you were there. You guys need to have a serious talk.


Well, I know he's become comfortable with doing it. I mean, it's FaceBook and if you don't tweak your privacy settings, everybody in the world is going to see what is posted on that 'Wall'. The other thing I don't get is that he actually blames me for this. . . What is that about? That is what I don't get.


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## PoppyRivera (Jul 11, 2010)

vince said:


> Thanks for the replies, guys. I guess i am overeacting


Uhh, no you're not. . .my husband started out with chat rooms (AOL, Yahoo) but then I blocked the chat rooms. I got a myspace page, he got a myspace page, he flirted too much and I found that he was calling this woman for at least two nights a week from his cell phone while he was at work that I know of. Same thing with Facebook. What I find about his pursuits is that women who know him, either can't see that he's flirting with them (taking what I call his soft flirting as a compliment), and the women who knows he is flirting and try to steer clear of certain conversations with him and they try to keep it purely innocent. Then there are the women who don't care or are getting back at their bf or spouse by flirting back and taking it *waay too far*.


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

PoppyRivera said:


> The other thing I don't get is that he actually blames me for this. . . What is that about? That is what I don't get.


Think of a child of six years old and you’re their parent. You notice some money’s missing from your purse. What do you do?

“Did you take money from my purse?”. Answer “No”. Denial is the most primitive form of defence, children often deny their bad behaviour.

Now you’re not certain where the money went, but you are on alert and you set a “trap”. Second time it happens “I know you took money from my purse.”. “Well, you don’t give me enough pocket money and I wanted more sweets.”. This is blaming you and justifying their bad behaviour. It’s not their fault, they accept no responsibility.

“But that’s stealing and you shouldn’t steal.” “But it was only a little bit of money and you have loads of it”. That’s minimising the affect on you.

Now we have to think through what to do about our child’s stealing. Being honest is a core value and we want good core values for our children. Sometimes the only way to get them to see the error of their ways is to punish them.

Denying, blaming and minimising types of behaviour is common for six year old. It lasts about a year, a time when we’re teaching them good core values. Being honest, accepting responsibility for their bad behaviour, that sort of thing.

Sometimes unfortunately we need to do these things with our spouse. At these times it can help to think of them as a six year old. Unfortuneatly some people never learn to accept responsibility for their own behaviour, they don't "grow up" and in certain aspects of their character remain as a six year old.

Bob


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

Hello Vince,

Well, your wife seems to be quite the busybody and a definite handful …

Having a full on EA and then being caught (not confessing)!

Then having been forgiven, meeting up through FB with male friends from school to deliver old disco videos and more importantly not telling you about it!

Getting sports massages from male work colleagues (and she's a tutor!) and not seeing anything inappropriate there!

And now flirting and being secretive with handsome divorced (cheating) fathers of your son's friend - while being 16 weeks pregnant!

Up to date with phones - she has gone from iPhones to Sony to who knows what else in this period!


No, you are not wrong to react to your gut! Just do it discreetly and do not tip your hand till you have something a little more concrete to go on. You do have your work cut out for you though so you need to pay close attention to the advice and act quickly - do not dilly dally.

She is piss-poor on boundaries, a flirt, a cheat and seemingly unaware of the messages (and possibly pheromones) she is giving to these dogs! I do not think that she has suffered any consequences for her behaviour. And you, my friend, do not need to feel guilty or bad in the slightest when spying on her.

Go into surveillance mode as per the evidence gathering thread. When (notice I did not say if) you find something come back here for advice on next steps before confronting (unless she is about to fvck somebody in which case go nuclear on her to stop it from happening). And do not blame the POSOM if it is so - she would be with someone else if not him it would seem.

What exactly did she do/say in her first EA that you busted ? Who was it with ? How long did it go on for ? What did she say when you confronted her ? It would be useful to know to help you go forward.

Take care man.


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## TAM2013 (Jul 15, 2013)

Facebook is a load of nonsense, especially for people in relationships. It's just a faux dating site and a place to make it seem like your life is better than it really is, while seeking attention and inadvertently proving it really isn't.


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## notmyrealname4 (Apr 9, 2014)

The ship sailed on this one six years ago.


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

notmyrealname4 said:


> The ship sailed on this one six years ago.


Yes, but OP came back this week and posted a similar tale of woe in this section. So this thread got bumped up. 

6 years later, not much seems to have changed, unfortunately.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## becareful2 (Jul 8, 2016)

The people who said OP was overreacting were wrong. OP should have listened to his gut instinct.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

I see a pond with stepping stones at varying distances apart that span the water to the other side.

The other side is visible. There are predatory men over there. Some are clothed, some brazenly naked. All the dudes are visibly aroused.

Each stepping stone takes one further to the other side. The stones at the center are very small and spaced one "spread-leg apart". Once on "those" stones it is very hard to pivot the 180 degrees necessary to return to the starting shore.

While each individual stone step is small, the end point gets nearer. Infidelity is many little steps and then a giant leap into Infamy. There is no going back, once the other side has claimed your feet and your feat.

You Sir, be vigilant. Note and count her steps.


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## robertzell (Sep 19, 2016)

I have 5000 friends on FB and this limit (you can check), there would be more, I would have more friends, because every day they write hundreds of new people. Among them are many women who are seeking dating course. I try to be honest with everyone and say that I have favorite woman, and not looking for romance. Typically, 90 percent of women then stopped writing. There remain those who really want to talk to those who want to cheat on me (for money in particular).

What do I mean by this? In social networks have their own rules and regulations, but always depends on the person. If you wish, I could find hundreds of mistresses, but I do not need it and are not interested, because I already have one favorite.

Perhaps the one that you write what it needs, that you can not give it? Or maybe she just she just hyperactive. Try to talk openly and frankly.


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## switcher (Sep 19, 2016)

robert I checked your home page which is an open blog.

Hardly anything is written there.

For a guy with supposedly so many friends it's a pretty lame page.

I guess that's why you're here advertising for business


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## Sephirox (Sep 18, 2016)

I guess I can somewhat see what you're saying, but in this scenario if she's just going to meet up with some of her old school friends I honestly don't think its that big of a deal. Do you usually have trust issues with her and not being able to trust her with her boundaries?


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## robertzell (Sep 19, 2016)

"robert I checked your home page which is an open blog."

We had to check my FB. Blog being only about 2 months and still not developed.
In addition, you are interested in my personality or my answer to the question?


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