# At one point are you actually cheating?



## ariadne12 (Nov 9, 2012)

Is simply having a crush or infatuation with someone considered cheating?

Or is it when both people acknowledge they like each other?

Or is it when you start communicating with that person behind spouses back?

Where is the line?
I suppose this is more of a moral question....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Broken at 20 (Sep 25, 2012)

When you wouldn't do whatever it is you are doing in front of your spouse.


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

Broken at 20 said:


> When you wouldn't do whatever it is you are doing in front of your spouse.


Exactly. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## underwater2010 (Jun 27, 2012)

To me....when you know you are attracked to someone and continue to talk with them beyond professional communication ie work....you are cheating. Your gut and head tells you when something is not right. It is called guilt. There is nothing wrong with thinking that someone is cute or sexy....it is acting on those thoughts that cross the line.


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## countrybumpkin (Nov 8, 2012)

underwater2010 said:


> To me....when you know you are attracked to someone and continue to talk with them beyond professional communication ie work....you are cheating. Your gut and head tells you when something is not right. It is called guilt. There is nothing wrong with thinking that someone is cute or sexy....it is acting on those thoughts that cross the line.


This exactly. When you KNOW your spouse would be hurt by your actions, when you are doing/saying things that you normally wouldn't in front of your spouse, when you're lying about the person you are "crushing" on, etc.


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## The Middleman (Apr 30, 2012)

It's when you feel you have to keep the relationship and the things you say to or do with the other person a secret. Do yourself and your spouse a favor, minimize contact with the opposite sex.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Saying stuff to the other person you wouldn't say in presence of your spouse


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## Ovid (Oct 11, 2012)

I think it's as simple as doing anything with ap you know your spouse would be hurt by.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## AngryandUsed (Jun 23, 2011)

Broken at 20 said:


> When you wouldn't do whatever it is you are doing in front of your spouse.


This.


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## Numb-badger (May 18, 2011)

If you fell you have to hide it, you're on the right path. Similarly, if you're doing something you know you'd hate your spouse doing, you're pretty much there.


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## old_soldier (Jul 17, 2012)

"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you". Remember that? Ask yourself "do my behaviours compimise my honour and/or inegrity?" If yes then its cheating.


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## TCSRedhead (Oct 17, 2012)

The secret-keeping is the key. When I was texting/messaging the OM, I never told hubby about any of that. I deleted texts and emails and kept it all my little secret even in the beginning when it was all pretty innocent - how was your day, what are you doing this weekend, etc.

It created an environment ripe for things to progress to - You're really hot, I love your legs, send me a picture, etc. 

Had I always been open and honest with BH, the tone of communication (and frequency) never would have been anything of concern.


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## iheartlife (Apr 4, 2012)

Didn't you also post a now-deleted thread where you asked other rhetorical questions (meaning, no facts given), about whether anyone believes in soulmates? I think your question was phrased as, has anyone married someone because they didn't believe in soulmates, and then met their soulmate. 

Are you asking these questions for yourself, or for someone else?


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## remorseful strayer (Nov 13, 2012)

ariadne12 said:


> Is simply having a crush or infatuation with someone considered cheating?
> 
> Or is it when both people acknowledge they like each other?
> 
> ...


You have received many good answers here.

Humans married or not will always find someone they are attracted to. 

It becomes a problem when you engage in any for the behaviors posted in this thread. 

IMO, a person can still talk to someone they are attracted too, if they do it in public and are not hiding the relationship in any way on any level. 

The Other woman began showing her interest in me by talking about sexual things. For example she talked about how she liked to have sex slow and long. She talked about the handcuffs she had on her bedpost. She talked about how thinking about sex made her wet. 

My wife never talked to anyone like that. I didn't either, but when someone talked to me that way, I succumbed.

With that said, I do think that fantasizing about someone you feel an attraction to is dangerous and can lead to an affair. If you are still thinking about the person you are attracted to after you leave their presence, it's cheating, in my opinion. An attractions should be a fleeting feeling and leave when the person is out of sight.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

The line is: Whenever you hide what you are doing with that person, be it conversations, confessions of feelings, things going on behind your partner's back.

If it's a crush, stop hanging out with this person. Today.


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