# cell phone texting



## ghccompany (Feb 8, 2010)

I discovered that my husband of 28 years, has been texting a woman he met while traveling for work. The text messages are suggestive and sexual. Both from him and back from her. He called me a snoop. You bet I snooped. Acting guilty. Turning his phone off when he seldom does. Sneaking out to the car to text. He tells me he has done nothing wrong. I disagree. Claims he did nothing with her, but the text messages say differnt. What do I believe? Did not see this one coming. I am shaken and rattled.


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## 63Vino (Dec 23, 2009)

Texting is not the problem... WHY he's texting is.

Sorry you're rattled.
Tell him you know. (seems he already knows, you know)
Tell him you support whatever he wants to do but that this is not part of your marriage, so decide (him).

Ask him to set the GF aside and work on the marriage (YOU being open to whatever his issue is) if after some time he still feels like he needs a GF, you'll help him pack his things.
(not in an angry way...NICELY)

If he does not accept that then you need to explain your not accepting this as part of your marriage.

I know you're pissed but attacking him or even if he feels the hostility, he most likely will be defensive, which is just going to spiral.

haha sounds very authoritative didnt it?

Only my opinion.
But set the boundary AND be open to really delve into and resolve the core issue. Just stopping behavior is only leaving that door WIDE open for this to return or escalate.
If he thinks you're going to freak out over the truth... you may NEVER get it.


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## magic52 (Feb 5, 2010)

I have been dealing with some of these same issues for months. I hope you can find a solution because for me, mine doesn't change and continues to text and does not feel it is an issue. But I like you, do not believe it is just nothing!


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## scarletblue (May 20, 2009)

It's all in how you approach this. If you come off as accusing or argumentative, you will get nowhere. 

You need to get it across to him that even though he sees it as nothing, you don't see it that way. It affects you in a negative way...it affects your marriage. It upsets you...it affects your marriage. You need to feel like his only one, his wife, and while nothing physical has happened, he shouldn't be saying the things he's saying to another woman. 

He may see it as harmless, entertainment of some sort, and ego boost. The problem is that it is disrespectful to you and your marriage, and...the other woman may be taking the "harmless" texting way more seriously.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Tell him you want to talk to her and hold your hand out for the phone. If there's nothing going on, he should have no problem with that.


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## ConfederateNurse (Feb 11, 2010)

ghccompany said:


> I discovered that my husband of 28 years, has been texting a woman he met while traveling for work. The text messages are suggestive and sexual. Both from him and back from her. He called me a snoop. You bet I snooped. Acting guilty. Turning his phone off when he seldom does. Sneaking out to the car to text. He tells me he has done nothing wrong. I disagree. Claims he did nothing with her, but the text messages say differnt. What do I believe? Did not see this one coming. I am shaken and rattled.


Sexual texting is wrong, no matter what the excuse. Hiding a cell phone is a big red flag too, shouldn't be secrecy. IMHO.


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

Let him call you a snoop--he's behaving inappropriately. The real question is, how seriously do you feel threatened? Probably a lot--there is nothing innocent about those texts as you describe them. 

I wouldn't focus on how you feel too much--he's in a heady spot right now, enjoying it and not feeling guilty. He KNOWS you don't like it. You need to tell him, "I deserve those texts from you. I want to be the one with whom you share all your secrets. You are building intimacy--emotional if not sexual--with another woman when you communicate like that. That is a threat to our marriage, and I won't tolerate it. So you stop texting anyone else, you give me complete access to your private accounts of any type, and THEN we can start counseling. In the meantime, you can sex-text me." But--and here is the big proviso--you can only take this stand if you are willing to follow through. If you cannot tolerate something, you leave. Anything short of that, you are tolerating. AND you would be right to leave--and maybe be open to reconciling IF he agrees to your terms (re the EA). You can admit your contribution to the initial problems in the marriage that may have led him to seek excitement elsewhere, but they do not deserve attention until he has accepted full responsibility for his totally inappropriate choice on how to react to his frustrations. Good luck.


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## Carefulthoughts (Jan 21, 2010)

I just found out about 14 days ago my wife has been texting her coworker's son a lot. And it has been going on for acouple months. She has detached any and all feeling from me and now is seeking a divorce. You better nip this in the bud quick like.


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## Millania007 (Nov 16, 2009)

I think what Turnera stated is EXACTLY what you should do
"Tell him you want to talk to her and hold your hand out for the phone. If there's nothing going on, he should have no problem with that. "

if he refuses to let you talk to her it is because he is hiding something
I would drop his a** like a bad habit, you deserve better, not some lying cheat!


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## Mittens (Jan 9, 2010)

I think 63Vino hit the nail on the head.
A) focus on the reason why he felt the need to start it in the first place
and B) I'm not sure that it's always the "act" that matters as opposed to the principal behind it. If it's something that makes you uncomfortable and is secretive, that in itself I would say is pretty destructive and something that needs to be addressed by you as a couple to work through.
Secrets usually lead to bad things even if they start out innocently.


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