# I'm a concerned Dad and need some help?



## pday11 (Dec 17, 2012)

A little back history. I have been in a custody case for 3 years in which finaly the court is awarding my son to me , Jan 4. I have been in my sons life since he was born. He is 9 years old.His mother has made the decision not to take care of him. Right now we live in different states, he is in Ohio and I am in Chicago. He is staying with his great grandparents on the mother's side and will be leaving a younger brother and sister who both have different fathers. My son has stayed with me during various holdiays and time off. 

Next is, during the time he has been in cleveland. I was dating and now I'm in love with the person Im with. We have been together for a year now. She has 1 son, he is 7 years old, his father is locked up. Her son loves me and I love him. Due to spending a lot of time together, we started living together. Some people I know say this is wrong because what will happen when my son comes. I know my son will need me and I have no plans of leaving him behind. Is it right that my gf and son are leaving with me before my son moved? Remeber the case has been going for almost 3 years and the court is just now approving me.

Next is my gf son's father will be coming out of jail in a month or so but her son is very angry at his father. I told her son that he will have to forgive but his father does love him and wants to be with him. So they will be spending time together. Crazy right?

Finally I just found out my gf is pregnant. We are both happy. We both want a girl. Which gives us 2 boys and 1 girl. I am afraid though because one: is it too soon? two: will this have a bad affect on the other two kids? three: is it difficult to raising 3 kids in a blended relationship as this? Parts of me says too fast but other parts of me say do it. I'm 32 going on 33, both parents have good jobs, I'm just worried about the children. I also realize that I'm stepping up into a husband wife situation and this is new territory. Should I be worried. All comments welcome, need as much input as possible to help me through this.


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## Couleur (Apr 4, 2012)

Sounds like you have two sets of questions.

1) legal ones -- does moving in with your pregnant gf and her son affect the chances that you will be awarded custody of your son. 
I'm not a lawyer and I don't know. You might be able to get a quick answer from your lawyer, or you could try calling up a local law school and seeing if you can get low or no cost opinion on it from the law students there.
My personal reaction is that of course your situation is complicated. But, you and your gf are adults, you both have jobs, you are expecting a child together, why on earth wouldn't the two of you move in together? Not moving in together wouldn't make you seem like a better father. 

2) blending family/ helping your son to adjust questions
So, you're going to be a blended family, and there are issues with your gf's son's relationship with his dad, with your son's relationship/feelings about his mother & his feelings about you, and the added pressure of a new baby. I would recommend that you READ, READ, READ about parenting and blended families. I would also recommend that you all get into family therapy so that you'll have a safe place for you kids to talk about their feelings. It's going to be a challenge, and the only thing you can really do to prepare is to be as informed as possible, to develop the communication skills now that you'll need to have to work through issues with your gf and your kids. 

Best wishes to you.


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