# Moving Out, Kids and Living Arrangements...



## Pbartender (Dec 6, 2012)

It's still early in our divorce process yet. I'm hoping to keep the house we currently live in, but must accept that there's a chance I'll be the one moving out.

We have two kids. They're young teenagers... A boy and a girl who are 14 and 13 years old, respectively.

Now, there are very few 3 bedroom apartments in our area, and rent for them can be a bit pricey -- especially if I end up paying child support, as well. If I end up being the one to move out, that would be the best option, so each kid could have their own bedroom.

However, there are 2 bedroom apartments all over the place and most of them are considerably cheaper. But that would mean that either they share a room, or somebody sleeps in the living room.

For those of you with more than one kid... How did you deal with this sort of dilemma in living arrangements?



Pb.


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## WomanScorned (May 8, 2011)

How often will you have the kids? I have mine more than their dad does, so I went with 3 bedrooms when I rented an apartment (and it was pricey). When I bought a house I went with 3 bedrooms. I'd say if you're going to have them a lot and given their ages and genders I would go the three bedroom route. Kids that age need their own space. Now if you're only going to have them a couple days a week, I'd just go with the 2 bedroom. My kids' dad makes them share a room at his house, and they don't mind as it's only for the weekend.


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

PB, 

I was in the same situation. The few 3br apartments there were cost over $2,000/ month. A 2 bedroom was around $1200-1300 at the time (now they are much more...in the $1500 and up range ) We used to rent a house with 4 bedrooms (one was used as an office). Are their rental houses around? Often they are reasonably priced but you'll pay more for utilities. Heat was a real killer for me so I went with an apartment where heat and hot water were included/ All I pay for are gas for the stove (about $9/mo) and electric. Apartments are smaller so your utilities are cheaper and you don't have to cut the grass.  

I have a 2br townhouse. It's two bedrooms with bath upstairs and a living room, dining room, kitchen downstairs. 

I have an 18 year old girl and 15 year old boy. When we first moved in my daughter was 16, my son 13. 

At first I gave my daughter the master bedroom to have as her own. She had a busy social life and I figured a teenage girl needed space and privacy. 

My son got the other bedroom, which he basically used to sleep in as he spends most of his time downstairs in the living room. 

I slept downstairs on a futon that I opened up at night. During the day it is a couch. It's a very expensive futon that's designed to be slept on as a bed, with a nice mattress. 

I felt the teenage kids needed their own space. I used one closet in the master bedroom (my daughter's bedroom) and put some other stuff in a hallway closet and in one dresser in my son's room. 

Things have changed since then. Last spring, my son went to live with my husband in his 1BR apartment. There my son slept in the bedroom, my husband on the couch in the living room). Not long after, my daughter went to college. I moved into the master bedroom and my daughter's stuff went into in the smaller bedroom. 

THEN recently my husband informed me that he couldn't take care of my son anymore and he'd have to live with me! By then I'd totally moved into the master bedroom and decorated it to my tastes. My daughter goes to the state university (about 45 minutes away) and often comes home and had made herself at home in the other bedroom. 

My son now sleeps on the futon in the living room. Since he spends most of his time in the living room, playing on the computer (he would not be not allowed to have a computer in his room in any case), watching TV, doing homework or eating O I didn't think it would be an issue. When he lived here before he would often ask to sleep on the futon. Now he has his clothes in the hallway closet since I moved mine into the master bedroom.

Unfortunately, he's not entirely happy about this as he says he wants more space to himself. My daughter eventually has plans to get her own apartment in another year or so and I told my son that he'd then get the other bedroom. 

When my daughter is away at school (which is about 70% of the time) he sleeps in the small bedroom. But a lot of her stuff is in there. When she's home she has a LOT of stuff and she is home now for winter break (a month) and for the summer (May-end of Aug). She comes home for a weekend fairly often too. My daughter really needs her own bedroom. 

I'm staying in the master bedroom. I've spent money to decorate it to my tastes and I really need to have that space for myself both physically and mentally.

We make the effort to go upstairs and give my son as much privacy as possible but unfortunately it isn't the perfect solution. At least he is downstairs so there's more privacy than if he was on the same floor. During school days we vacate the living room by 10:30 so he can have his time and space. 

In this apartment complex it's very common to have someone sleeping in the living room. I knew one couple who did this right next door. Their son was in the same class as my daughter. It's not just divorcees who have this problem. The largest apartments in my complex are like the one I have. 

Personally, given the age of your children I'd consider the arrangement I formerly had and give them each a bedroom, unless your one of your children want to sleep in the living room, but I'd assume that at some point they'd want a room of their own. 

Better than having the wife live with you in the same house.


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

WomanScorned said:


> How often will you have the kids? I have mine more than their dad does, so I went with 3 bedrooms when I rented an apartment (and it was pricey). When I bought a house I went with 3 bedrooms. I'd say if you're going to have them a lot and given their ages and genders I would go the three bedroom route. Kids that age need their own space. Now if you're only going to have them a couple days a week, I'd just go with the 2 bedroom. My kids' dad makes them share a room at his house, and they don't mind as it's only for the weekend.


If costs where he is are like where I am the cost of a 3 BR is much higher. Renting a house is higher too and then you have utilities. 

Do NOT make those kids share a room under ANY circumstances! If they were both the same gender you could do it without too much of a problem but teenagers become VERY self conscious of their bodies and NEED privacy. My 15 year old son won't even take his pants off in front of me or his sister. My daughter is pretty much the same way with her brother. 

You might have to suck it up and sleep in the living room. It's the best situation for the kids for them to have their own space. When they are with their mother you can sleep in one of the bedrooms. I used to do that when my daughter slept at a friend's house or my son was at his fathers. 

Fortunately they are teenagers so hopefully they will be on their own at some point.


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## Pbartender (Dec 6, 2012)

Freak On a Leash said:


> If costs where he is like where I am the cost of a 3 BR is much higher. Renting a house is higher too and then you have utilities.


It's generally a bit lower than where you are, but 3 BR is much higher than 2 BR.

I'm on the mildly affluent suburban frontier of Chicago... Around here, 2 BR Apartments are usually between about $800 about $1000/mo. 3 BR Apartments go for about $1300/mo and up. Most places include at least some utilities, and the 3BR places tend to have a clothes washer/dryer in the unit.

Before we bought our current house, we rented was a small, 100-year-old cottage with 2 BR, 1 bath, a detached one car garage and no air conditioning. Our rent there was $1200/mo, and we had to pay all our own utilities.

Our current house is a average-sized 1970s split level in (what people around here would consider) a working class neighborhood, with 3 BR and 2 Bath. We bought it on short sale about two and a half years ago, and so got a pretty good deal on it. I've got the payments set up on a weekly "equity saver" automatic payment schedule, so the payments amount to a little less than $1600/mo, which includes principle, interest, PMI, and escrow for property taxes and house insurance.



Freak On a Leash said:


> Do NOT make those kids share a room under ANY circumstances!... ...My 15 year old son won't even take his pants off in front of me or his sister. My daughter is pretty much the same way with her brother.


Like WomanScorned was suggesting, I thought it might depend on how the custody schedule sussed out.

From experience, my kids don't have a problem sharing a bedroom, so long as they have separate beds to sleep in (that was necessarily the arrangement until they were almost 11 & 12 years old). They'll just take all their stuff into bathroom and do what they need to do there.

For short periods -- the standard weekend every couple of weeks -- that might work. But if we end up with alternating weeks, that wouldn't fly.

Maybe I might have a different view on it... I came from a big family, and shared a room with two brothers (shared a bed with one of them), until I was in high school and I finally got my own room.



Freak On a Leash said:


> You might have to suck it up and sleep in the living room. It's the best situation for the kids for them to have their own space.


Oh, I agree. And if it comes to that, that's probably what I'll do, having thought it over.

I can just pretend that I'm living in Japan... 



Freak On a Leash said:


> Fortunately they are teenagers so hopefully they will be on their own at some point.


4-5 years until they graduate high school.



Freak On a Leash said:


> Better than having the wife live with you in the same house.


Good heavens, tell me all about it! 



Pb.


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

Pbartender said:


> From experience, my kids don't have a problem sharing a bedroom, so long as they have separate beds to sleep in (that was necessarily the arrangement until they were almost 11 & 12 years old). They'll just take all their stuff into bathroom and do what they need to do there.
> 
> Maybe I might have a different view on it... I came from a big family, and shared a room with two brothers (shared a bed with one of them), until I was in high school and I finally got my own room.
> 
> ...


Fast forward a few years. Trust me, when they are 16 and 15 (and older) your kids will NOT want to be sharing a room together. Please, don't do this to them. You can sleep on the couch and give them each a bedroom when they are with you. 

You had BROTHERS. Girls are totally different. I am one, I have a teenage daughter. Trust me on this.


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## Pbartender (Dec 6, 2012)

Freak On a Leash said:


> Fast forward a few years. Trust me, when they are 16 and 15 (and older) your kids will NOT want to be sharing a room together. Please, don't do this to them. You can sleep on the couch and give them each a bedroom when they are with you.
> 
> You had BROTHERS. Girls are totally different. I am one, I have a teenage daughter. Trust me on this.


Oh, don't get me wrong... I was just explaining the reasoning behind the initial idea. You're right, in the long term, it's not a good idea.

Oh, hey... Just noticed, there's a 3-bedroom house for sale pretty cheap two doors down from us. That'd be perfect. Maybe I'll talk to my mortgage guy about it.



Pb.


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

Well, if you can buy a 3br house that's good but that wasn't an option for me. Still isn't. 

Even in the short term it's not a good idea to have a teenage boy and girl share a room.


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## WomanScorned (May 8, 2011)

Freak is probably right about not sharing a room in the long run as they're different genders. Three bedrooms (if you can swing it) is the best way to go, unless you don't care about having your own space, then give the kids the rooms.


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## Pbartender (Dec 6, 2012)

It looks like I _probably_ won't have to worry about it. As I posted in another thread...



Pbartender said:


> *UPDATE:*
> 
> Last Friday, STBXW had her first visit with the lawyer recommended by her friend.
> 
> ...


...But I'm still going to keep my options open and be prepared, just in case. I've found there enough 3 BR apartments and houses available that I can afford that I'll be able to find _something_ that works.



Pb.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

I hope you are right. I mean I really hope you are right. No I mean I really really hope you are right. 

I've never ever heard of a woman scorned being generous with marital assets during a divorce. I've never ever heard a divorce attorney being anything other than nice and then look out!!!

You have to cover your arse!! If you don't, you are setting yourself up for a super giant wakeup. Always keep the grease handy. You never know when you are going to need to lube up.

Believe me. I do not lie. I hope you are not headed for a legal arse whoopin'. You cannot let down your guard. You have more to lose than you know. You don't have to be nasty. You have to protect yourself and look out for your interests. You have to take action for yourself or you could lose more than fifty percent. 

Believe what I say. I know what I am talking about. There is more to it than just the material goods and cash value. There is your pride in yourself. The attorney will take that too, if he or she can.

I hope you do alright. I really do.


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## Pbartender (Dec 6, 2012)

2ntnuf said:


> I hope you are right. I mean I really hope you are right. No I mean I really really hope you are right.
> 
> I've never ever heard of a woman scorned being generous with marital assets during a divorce. I've never ever heard a divorce attorney being anything other than nice and then look out!!!
> 
> ...


No worries... I've already got my ass pretty well covered. I started that months ago. Right now, she's the one who's been caught off guard, despite the facts that she was the one who originally threatened divorce and that I've given her fair warning her of everything I've done to prepare and move things forward.



Pb.


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