# Stressed and Confused



## JackieO (May 27, 2009)

I truly feel so much anxiety about whether I should have married my husband or not. Half of the time things are pretty decent. I am happy and we have a good time together. The other half, though, is rough. We've been married for three years and lived together for four. From the beginning I've felt that he's been unnecessarily rude and angry towards me about different things. When we were dating he never wanted to leave his parents house and I sort of suggested that maybe he was too old to live at home. He was a 27- yr. old professional living like a child at his mom's house. Yes, I know now I should never have suggested it. After I suggested it, his dad pushed him to marry me and arranged to get a ring. I thought a lot of this was abnormal, but every time I asked if he really wanted to get married he said yes. Even though I felt uneasy I never got a real answer from him. Well, after we were married, he hated our apartment that his dad bought for us and antagonized me about it when I didn't even buy the thing. We then moved to a bigger city which we love, so it brought us closer. However, I still feel like there are strong qualities about him that I do NOT want in a husband, which I didn't consider when I was younger. Now that I am getting older I see extreme deficits within him. Meanwhile, after 4 years he tells me that he misses his parents and feels trapped because he can never go back to his old life with his parents. Keep in mind I encourage him to see them, however they tell him he's not allowed home if I am not there. He also says he is jealous of my best friend because she is single. He doesn't know if I am the right one for him. At the same time, I don't know if he is for me either because he tends to act very immature and rude to me. Of course, on the other side, we do love each other and get along well on many other fronts. I just don't know if he will ever truly accept me as his wife and 100% devote himself to me. We've been to counseling and everything. It never worked because my husband was not open to compromising. I just feel sooo much anxiety. I feel so torn up. I don't want to lose our happy life together, but I also don't want to accept a 50% devotion.


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## smash (Jun 2, 2009)

Marriage is about both of you giving 100% - yes there are days when all of us are not capable of doing that.. but you have to go into the marriage with all you've got. Is he an only child? My husband is - and he never learned the value of surviving on his own. Now, he doesn't want to live with his parents or anything, but the lack of direction he received in how to be an adult from them has had a huge hand in the destruction of our marriage due to his lack of being able to, or interested in trying hard enough, to provide. 

It sounds like he has some really serious hang ups with his parents - you DO NOT want to replace his mommy/daddy in any form or fashion & it almost sounds like even THAT isn't good enough for him even if you were so willing. You probably need to have a very serious discussion with his parents - but only AFTER you get some counseling for you. You can't fix him, but you can sure learn how to fix you & if that includes telling him to hit the road & how to do it, then so be it. Life is too short to be unhappy & you are certainly young enough to flourish elsewhere. Find someone who you feel comfortable talking to - separate from the counselor y'all have seen together - that can help ease your mind a bit. 

Best of luck to you


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

It sounds to me like your H is just really immature. He probably doesnt know what he wants. His mood swings sound like child tantrums to me. If he's not even sure he wanted to marry you, then its going to be a hard road. sorry i dont have more advice for you, just hang in there. everything works out in the end.


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