# It's me or the animals



## Msindependent45 (May 21, 2012)

I was dating my BF for 2 yrs 10 months and we lived together for 1.5 yrs. I have three cats and he issues about the cat oder and the destruction of my furniture. I tried less smelly cat foods, airfreshners, changed litter brands and cleaned the litter box more frequently. Nothing seemed to please him. He still complained about the smell. I finally moved the litter box and the cat food to the garage and he still complained. He always said that he would move out if I got another animal. We broke up recently because he felt he needed his independence. He is living with a friend and we decided to give it one more try. since he has left I took in a small dog. The dog is potty trained and is obedient. My Bf came over to my house and complained about the smell again. He told me that he woud not be moving back in with 4 animals in the house. I told him I knew he would not be moving back in unless we were to get married in a few years. So I got the dog after he moved out. He said that he guesses that he will not be moving back in. I said your saying that you won't marry me because of my 4 animals. He said yep. While were trying to work things out he keeps telling me that he loves me and wants me to feel important. How can I feel important or even that he loves me enough to put all the animal issues aside and want to be with me forever.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

As an animal person myself, I would say your human relationship is not going to work out. You can't live without the animals and he can't live with them. It will forever be a conflict. Some people simply can't stand animals in the house no matter how clean they are.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Personally I don't like having animals, but I put up with it because my wife likes them and so do the kids. I don't say anything anymore, I've just learned to live with it. The one thing I do is I refuse to do any kind of feeding or cleaning up after them. I have never cleaned a litter box and never will. I only feed horses if I'm the ONLY person home. Otherwise she or the kids do it.

I'm trying to put myself in your boyfriends shoes for a minute here. If I was your boyfriend and told you I didn't like the animals and then actually moved out... well the fact that you got MORE animals in my absence would tell me something pretty profound about how you see me and how you feel about me. Basically I would feel like my feelings just weren't that important to you. I think that if in his absence you would have moved to have fewer animals he would have seen it as a sign that you're willing to compromise and that you are acknowledging his feelings. But to get more animals? Hmm...


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## Msindependent45 (May 21, 2012)

WorkingOnMe said:


> Personally I don't like having animals, but I put up with it because my wife likes them and so do the kids. I don't say anything anymore, I've just learned to live with it. The one thing I do is I refuse to do any kind of feeding or cleaning up after them. I have never cleaned a litter box and never will. I only feed horses if I'm the ONLY person home. Otherwise she or the kids do it.
> 
> I'm trying to put myself in your boyfriends shoes for a minute here. If I was your boyfriend and told you I didn't like the animals and then actually moved out... well the fact that you got MORE animals in my absence would tell me something pretty profound about how you see me and how you feel about me. Basically I would feel like my feelings just weren't that important to you. I think that if in his absence you would have moved to have fewer animals he would have seen it as a sign that you're willing to compromise and that you are acknowledging his feelings. But to get more animals? Hmm...


Thanks for your thoughts. Just wanted to say that he did not leave do to the animals. He was laid off and decided to move in with me cause he had no where else to go. He was starting to feel that as a man he needed to stand on his own two feet and not depend on me. He wanted to work on himself and getting back on his feet again. As for feeding the animals, he never fed them or cleaned the litter. They are my animals and I take care of them. He should not have to. He did move out with hopes that one day later in the future (Were talking two yrs +) we could move in together again. I asked his concerns before I got the dog and this was never brought up. I could have thought about it differently if he would have told me his concerns and possible future plan.


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## costa200 (Jun 27, 2012)

Your animals are apparently more important to you than this guy, so move on. This way you stop wasting your time and his.

BTW, i own cats and when i was younger i owned dogs too. They are/were never indoors. It's true that you just can't eliminate that animal smell. People who own cat and/or dogs don't even notice the smell but it is there. Plus, furniture destruction, fur all over the place... etc. I know why i can't have my animals indoors.


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## in my tree (Jun 9, 2012)

" I asked his concerns before I got the dog and this was never brought up. I could have thought about it differently if he would have told me his concerns and possible future plan."
Then why was he so shocked to see the dog there? This is his issue then. Why should you live your life the way that he wants you to even when you are NOT living together?? 

The animals may be a deal breaker for him but it seems his control issues might be a deal breaker for you.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

I dislike having pets as they are a bit dirty around the house & just another responsibility I don't need/

We have some because I have to pick my battles with my wife & daughter but I can understand you mans POV
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

Can't understand why he moved back if he told you if you got another animal he wouldn't stay. 

And can't understand why you got the dog knowing it would be a deal killer with him.

Don't think either of you thought this out completely.


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## KSD9807 (Aug 20, 2012)

sorry for the issue your dealing with. I would talk to your b/f and find out if he can make a compromise regarding your pets. I have cats my dh knows that I would never get rid of them for him. I have had my cats for 14 yrs and been married for 5 yrs. Its who I know the longest.


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## KathyBatesel (Apr 26, 2012)

I like animals. My husband and his daughter like animals. However, when we merged our lives it resulted in having TEN animals at home! (Four dogs, two cats, two exotic birds, a guinea pig, and a turtle... he sold the aquarium that had four large fish, thank goodness!) 

I think the issue of odors and furniture is about something more.... It's about having the ability to keep a comfortable and attractive home and to have freedom to go where you want, when you want, and there might also be a financial concern because vet visits can really add up, too. 

I guess what I'm saying is that pets have a major impact on a household's way of life. I think your boyfriend has a right to make not having pets a priority just as you have a right to make keeping them a priority of your own. 

In our household, we have agreed that there will be no more pets coming in, and when these are gone, they will not be replaced. We both feel responsible for not abandoning them (we each only had one by choice - the others were brought into his house by his ex and her children and got abandoned when they moved), but it has a major impact on our lifestyle.


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## COGypsy (Aug 12, 2010)

I think fundamentally there are animal people and not-animal people. And if a couple is made up of one of each, it either takes serious compromise in how you're willing to live and operate in your home, or else it's a dealbreaker.

I compare it to kids--you're either a kid person or not. If like me, you're not, then it doesn't matter how quiet, neat and well-behaved your kid is--I don't want to live with them. I couldn't marry or live with anyone that had kids living with them anymore than it sounds like your boyfriend is willing to live with your animals.

I'd say it's a good thing you found this out before you were really living together or married--


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## hotdogs (Aug 9, 2012)

I like animals too but I can see how three cats in the house can drive a person completely away. Cats smell. Bad. 
You added a dog into that mix. Dogs CAN smell bad. Your house may be intolerable and you don't realize it. A house is a sanctuary, and people get testy when the sanctuary is "defiled" so to speak.

In my opinion, 4 animals in a house without access to the outside is excessive. In some states the law says you can only have three.


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## ScaredandUnsure (Nov 17, 2011)

I got rid of a dog for a man once upon a time. Then shortly after that, the man left me in pieces, and I continually kick myself in the butt for getting rid of my loyal, wonderful companion. I should of kicked the lying, cheating scum to the curb instead. And I almost got rid of my cat for him, but thankfully I wised up, I would of hated myself forever if I had done that.


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## hotdogs (Aug 9, 2012)

ScaredandUnsure said:


> I got rid of a dog for a man once upon a time. Then shortly after that, the man left me in pieces, and I continually kick myself in the butt for getting rid of my loyal, wonderful companion. I should of kicked the lying, cheating scum to the curb instead. And I almost got rid of my cat for him, but thankfully I wised up, I would of hated myself forever if I had done that.


Dont get me wrong, never get rid of your animals I was just explaining why it is that some people get all upset.


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## ScaredandUnsure (Nov 17, 2011)

hotdogs said:


> Dont get me wrong, never get rid of your animals I was just explaining why it is that some people get all upset.


Oh, I understand. I didn't think anyone was saying so. I was just saying my personal experience with someone who hated animals. My dog was amazing, I am so disappointed with myself for what I did to him. 










My boys... I really miss that dog


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## hotdogs (Aug 9, 2012)

Oh man that dog IS awesome. Looks like a Rhodesian Ridgeback


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Personally if you`re more attached to an animal than your SO you really don`t have much of a relationship to begin with.

I can`t imagine choosing an animal over my lover, the idea is preposterous to me.

Then again I don`t want to be 70 years old living alone with 20 cats.


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## ScaredandUnsure (Nov 17, 2011)

hotdogs said:


> Oh man that dog IS awesome. Looks like a Rhodesian Ridgeback


I know lol. He was actually pit/lab/rotti mix. I lied when I moved and told the place I'm living in he was a Ridgeback mix.


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## ScaredandUnsure (Nov 17, 2011)

tacoma said:


> Personally if you`re more attached to an animal than your SO you really don`t have much of a relationship to begin with.
> 
> I can`t imagine choosing an animal over my lover, the idea is preposterous to me.
> 
> Then again I don`t want to be 70 years old living alone with 20 cats.


Well my ex hated my kids too, so if I had chosen the dog over him, it really wouldn't of been too much a loss. He was simply a bad person.


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

Speaking from experience - I WISH my husband had said something like this before we got married. He ALWAYS complains about my dogs.

I just say, "They were here first, Pal." LoL!

So, he just might be doing you a favor. Animals bring so much to our lives, and yeah... Some are stinky. So are a lot of people. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Emerald (Aug 2, 2012)

Personally, I don't do well with ultimatums. He is not even trying to negotiate........so if you get rid of all of your beloved animals, he will marry you?

Is he a good boyfriend except for the animal issue?


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## bkaydezz (Jul 9, 2012)

awww i love cats!!!!
they are my favorite house pet.

Have you gotten the cats before you got together or after?

So he quit complaining about the smell once the littler box was in the garage right?

I gave my cats baths regularly, once a week. and sometimes more depending on how dirty they would get if it rained or something while being outside.

I dont care what kind of pet you have, if thy are in the house, they have thereown natural odor just like humans.
We bath to keep clean and we can do te same for them.

Maybe they are skeeting in teh house, like marking territory have you noticed a potent smell anywhere? smells sort of like pee but heavier...


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## CH (May 18, 2010)

Wife gave up her 2 cats for me. Good thing too, our 2nd daughter is allergic to cats.


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## Coffee Amore (Dec 15, 2011)

I don't do well with ultimatums either. I couldn't be with someone who didn't like animals. Thank God hubby loved my dog, cats and other assorted pets over the years. If I got an ultimatum, I'd probably think twice about being with that person.

scaredandunsure - Gosh, I feel for you. That is a beautiful dog!


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

My beloved old horse was with me 30 years. My marriage, on the other hand, lasted 22 years. The horse was much more devoted, loyal, and trustworthy than my ex. Any future partners must love animals!


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## in my tree (Jun 9, 2012)

I'm with you, 827. My dogs are loving, loyal and ALWAYS in the mood to cuddle! Although they aren't much for conversation. 

OP - I hope that it works out for you but and that he will reconsider any ultimatums. Animals are not just some annoying piece of future that is in the way. They are sentient beings who need security and deserve to be treated with respect too. Hopefully he can appreciate that.


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## ScaredandUnsure (Nov 17, 2011)

Coffee Amore said:


> I don't do well with ultimatums either. I couldn't be with someone who didn't like animals. Thank God hubby loved my dog, cats and other assorted pets over the years. If I got an ultimatum, I'd probably think twice about being with that person.
> 
> scaredandunsure - Gosh, I feel for you. That is a beautiful dog!


Yeah, he was an amazing dog. I'll never find another one like him. 









This was the ex's dog. He and my dog were a pack and when the ex got rid of him, my dog was so lost and had some severe separation anxiety. It was so sad.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Don't mess with my dogs. You will lose.


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## Emerald (Aug 2, 2012)

Runs like Dog said:


> Don't mess with my dogs. You will lose.


:rofl:


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

Im also in the camp of it's foreign to me to choose an animal over a human. I think here in the west we take this dog and cat thing way way too far.

And I'm a dog lover.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

sinnister said:


> Im also in the camp of it's foreign to me to choose an animal over a human. I think here in the west we take this dog and cat thing way way too far.
> 
> And I'm a dog lover.


We most definitely taking the pet thing way too far.


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## kag123 (Feb 6, 2012)

I married a non-animal person. He never had pets growing up and didn't desire to ever own a pet.

Well when he met me I had two cats. I wasn't getting rid of the cats for him. I made that clear.

Guess he liked me enough to overlook it. I wouldn't say he likes them even to this day, but he tolerates them. He sees that the kids and I get enjoyment out of having them around (especially the kids).

I think he softened a bit when he saw how attached the kids are to them. I will never forget when we brought both of them home from the hospital...two cats, they each picked one of the kids, and have never left their side since. Each cat sleeps in their bedroom with them and follows them around the house.

Anyway - if I had no animals when I met my H and knew his stance on animals then, I probably would not have gone out to get any. But since I had them before he came along, that's it. I draw the line. There are too many stray and abandoned pets as it is, I knew when I rescued my two that I was committing to their life.

Sorry he's got such a problem with your pets. I don't see a lot of compromise here that won't cause a lot of resentment on both sides. Are you sure the relationship is worth it?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Here is another way of looking at it. Its not about the animals.... because if he were really that in love with the op ... he would overlook this and be willing to work on a compromise of sorts. The.... "I need my independance" could actually mean... "I'm already looking around for someone else"

That's just another way to see it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## piggyoink (Apr 10, 2012)

I would keep the doggy.


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## Illbehisfoolagain (May 7, 2012)

I breed, raise, train, sell, and board different kinds of animals for a living, and I think its perfectly acceptable that animals be a deal breaker in a relationship. Even the happiest critters are destructive both indoors and outdoors, its just what they do lol.


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

Illbehisfoolagain said:


> I breed, raise, train, sell, and board different kinds of animals for a living, and I think its perfectly acceptable that animals be a deal breaker in a relationship. Even the happiest critters are destructive both indoors and outdoors, its just what they do lol.


Exactly. They are furry, huggable loveable, but at the end of the day they are animals. Without even trying to they will soil your home, smell, drool, fart, and just do what they do.

But bringing it back to OP's situation I agree with others here that it's sounds more like an excuse than a real "dealbreaker". There may be something else he's not telling you about his comittment to the relationship.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

I absolutely love cats.
I grew up with them.
My wife absolutely hates them.
But I love her more than cats.
So we have none.


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## bkaydezz (Jul 9, 2012)

if the animals where there first thenhe accepted them when he entered the relationship.

when my bf and I got together he had his lttle dog and 
i cant stand her sometimes. But he would never get rid of her. i would never ask him to get rid of something he loves so much just because i get annoyed with her on occasion. thats completely selfish.


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