# My wife used to Orgasm with Exes - Not with Me



## onetimer6804 (Oct 19, 2012)

When my wife was younger - she tells me she would get orgasms with her ex boyfriends during intercourse - no problem. Now that we're 40ish = its hard for her to. Hardly never at all. She admits she masturbates and c*ms all the time. But during intercourse - its hard. 

This bothers me a lot because my ego gets crushed. I dont show her that I'm mad - because I don't want her to stop being open and comfortable.

I really don't care that she's had great sex before me - but I just want her to have great sex with me too. 

Any advise?


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## wiigirl (Jun 14, 2012)

Look up David Shade or get his book on Amazon.....follow his advice, you should have no problems.


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## aribabe (Aug 9, 2012)

When you say she had orgasms during intercourse, do you mean she did so with no "outright" clitoral stimulation, or do you mean he or she simulated her clitorally in some way to orgasm during intercourse.

If it's the former, it may your technique/positon/penis length or girth.
Obviously you can't change your penis length or girth, so let's hope that's not the issue lol
But your technique or the positions you use could be tweaked.
Maybe you can ask her what position used to get her off back then, and try it.
Or if there was a special technique she/he used.

If it's the latter,
Just have her stimulate herself during intercourse
Or you could do it...
But I personally wouldn't suggest that unless you know how to do it "properly"
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

Are you newly married or were you married to your wife for awhile? If married for awhile, did she orgasm more regularly when she was younger - with you? If so, then it's probably her body changing and you have to adapt. Even if you two are newly weds, it may still be a changing body.


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## onetimer6804 (Oct 19, 2012)

Thanks Aribabe. these are good tips. I sure hope its not a size issue. I will ask for more details - If her exes used a technique - it would piss me off if I don't get it right.

Stimulate before intercourse - thats a good one. 

@Plan 9 - no not newlyweds. been married for 12 years, been w/ her since high school. Her orgasms were more frequent when she was young. 

I was thinking the same thing - maybe hormones or lack of? But she says she masturbates. So what now?


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## onetimer6804 (Oct 19, 2012)

so I am assuming she's telling the truth that its not the size. I mean, she's already being honest about the orgasms - and she's had a couple of other ex boyfriends who are bigger than me - but those aren't the guys that made her c*m. 

the fact is - she hasn't orgasm with me for some time now - maybe because the sex has been quite routine.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

onetimer6804 said:


> Her orgasms were more frequent when she was young.


When I got into my 40's orgasms became harder for me too but I could get there by masturbating.

However if I masturbate too often I can't orgasm with sex. Stinks but I seem to have a limit now. If I don't have the buildup of sexual tension it won't happen.

I've since gotten on hormones and orgasms are easier but they are still nothing like what they used to be. I am still tweaking the hormones though. The longer I'm on them the better sex seems to get. I've been on them for a year now.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

She may want to try backing off the masterbation and let her "need" build up a bit, then let you take care of it.


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## T&T (Nov 16, 2012)

Forget about size...

How much foreplay is involved?

Back rubs, kissing her all over SLOWLY, gently touching her (barely touching her skin) Clitoral stimulation (avoiding it directly at first) Are you aware of G-spot stimulation, etc?

All of these can lead to her having an orgasm. Potential multiples. Warm up is key!

Best,

T


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## onetimer6804 (Oct 19, 2012)

I would like to resurrect this post. I am thankful for the suggestions - but are there any more out there?


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## johnnycomelately (Oct 30, 2010)

You have to push the envelope a little. It is often harder to orgasm as you get older, but you can compensate by using your brain and making sex exciting and unpredictable. Most women want to be 'taken' and feel that they are overwhelming desirable, which turns you into an animal in bed. Not all the time, obviously, but she should never know how the session is going to turn out. 

If she is open to reading erotic literature I would suggest you print out a selection of stories from a good internet erotica site. Read them and put them into piles for 'turns me on' and 'doesn't turn me on'.


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## onetimer6804 (Oct 19, 2012)

i also just read The Married Man Sex Life Primer 2011 by athol kay. I think im doing things right. 

I'm both alpha and beta. I am in good shape, workout almost daily.


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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

onetimer6804 said:


> When my wife was younger - she tells me she would get orgasms with her ex boyfriends during intercourse - no problem. Now that we're 40ish = its hard for her to. Hardly never at all. She admits she masturbates and c*ms all the time. But during intercourse - its hard.
> 
> This bothers me a lot because my ego gets crushed. I dont show her that I'm mad - because I don't want her to stop being open and comfortable.
> 
> ...


Here's a possibility I mention because of so little background information.


Whose responsibility is it for orgasm? Well clearly it is hers. She knows exactly how to have an orgasm if she _wants_ to. Using her own hand during intercourse for example, if it is a technical matter.

So why is she not taking on that responsibility? It takes an IQ of 20 to realize how crushing this is to your spouse. So if she wants a happy spouse, this is inexplicable behavior. On the other hand, if she wants a miserable spouse, this behavior makes perfect sense. It is dirty emotional warfare. 

This is the magic to the black art of manipulation. Here you are thinking that the problem is all about you needing to work harder to please her. When it is exactly the opposite: she could, with trifling effort, provide you with a great deal of happiness. But she won't. 

She won't do this simple thing for you. So now the question is why. Why does she want you to have this crushed ego? That answer has to do with some kind of resentment.


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## onetimer6804 (Oct 19, 2012)

@Wiserforit - i never thought about it that way. 

thank you.


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## nevergveup (Feb 18, 2013)

Well my advice to you Oldtimer, is get your wife's interest going again.Tell her your gonna make her talk to her and practice
different ways and try to get her to orgasm more.

When she openly tells you she wishes, she could orgasm more
don't knock yourself.I believe shes gently hoping you will
help her.She can orgasm by herself,so let her teach you
what she does and what feels good.

Watch her will also be fun for you.Taking this effort will
only help your relationship.Your wife sounds very willing and 
open,so go for it.


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## IceQueen (Feb 25, 2013)

Sometimes we women get spoiled by our vibrators. As I have gotten older, I knwo how to hit all the right spots in less then two minutes. BUT -over time, it can desensitize you to the point that it is the only way that you can orgasm. My husband is the best lover I have ever had, but he knows when I have been hitting the vibe too much. 

You could possibly try integrating a toy into your PIV sex. I would strongly suggest the we-vibe. It is an vibrator that you put in while having intercourse. It is great, and it may help her to climax when you are PIV.


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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

onetimer6804 said:


> @Wiserforit - i never thought about it that way.
> 
> thank you.


You're welcome. Be prepared for her playing dumb, using ridicule, evasion, diversion, minimizing it, getting angry for pointing it out, etc. (Defense mechansims)

Because admitting to it is acknowledging the dirty, underhanded war they are waging. She's never said "I'm doing this to put you down", so don't expect her to just admit to it. Even if it is not her intention, that is the effect - and would be the same affect for any normal person so ignoring the effect is virtually the same thing as doing it on purpose anyway. 

Therefore it isn't really something you _ask_ them. It is something you _tell _ them: This is what you are doing to me. Not something I am incapable of doing for you. And it is unacceptable in a spouse. 

Anyone can do it too. Go ahead as an exercise. Have sex, but don't have an orgasm. It's really simple. All it takes is the decision to do so. Whack off beforehand if you need to, just like she is. If you wanted to, you could put on an act like you don't understand why you can't have orgasms anymore with her. But why would you do this, right? Yes - exactly. Why. Why is she doing it. For you it is an exercise in proving how easy it is. For her it is either a resentment or a way of keeping you under her thumb or something. But it isn't good. 

I remember the flash of insight I had on this. All those days of anguish, for years on end, asking myself what was wrong. Then it struck me: if she wants me to be happy, then why am I always so miserable? _Because she wants me to be miserable_.


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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

IceQueen said:


> Sometimes we women get spoiled by our vibrators. As I have gotten older, I knwo how to hit all the right spots in less then two minutes. BUT -over time, it can desensitize you to the point that it is the only way that you can orgasm. My husband is the best lover I have ever had, but he knows when I have been hitting the vibe too much.
> 
> You could possibly try integrating a toy into your PIV sex. I would strongly suggest the we-vibe. It is an vibrator that you put in while having intercourse. It is great, and it may help her to climax when you are PIV.


Right. This is why I indicated that I don't know enough.

But what we are not hearing from him is her desire to fix the problem. If she was the one posting then this would be one of the first things we'd suggest. I suspect though that she isn't making sincere efforts to fix the problem and it is because she doesn't want to.

Mine did horrible things to me, like when I got so upset about it I was about to leave her, she would pretend to make fake improvements, giving me false hopes that it was a matter of technique. Lord I was doing some really stupid acrobatics/contortions trying to please her. 

The first girl I had sex with after I dumped this wife it really struck me: wow, check this girl out really _trying_ to have an orgasm! She had three orgasms, and it really drove the point home for me what a monster my wife had been.


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## I got this (Feb 25, 2013)

aribabe said:


> Just have her stimulate herself during intercourse


^This


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## Omgitsjoe (Oct 1, 2012)

I'm fortunate since my Mrs had only 1 boyfriend prior to meeting to me and he was not for nothing but not very good haaaa !!!! I'm blessed to be the only male to have given her an orgasm .... yaaay !!


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## just got it 55 (Mar 2, 2013)

Nevergveup is exactly correct let her teach you insist on it

Good Luck Be confident and Have Fun Always


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## onetimer6804 (Oct 19, 2012)

i have a new insight on this matter. i've always thought it was the men's job to make the women c*m.


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## Rakkasan (Mar 4, 2013)

Oral. My wife takes almost an hour to orgasm exclusively from me doing oral on her.


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

onetimer6804 said:


> i have a new insight on this matter. i've always thought it was the men's job to make the women c*m.


Aside from the gifted few most of us need help. At minimum some kind of body language or noises when we're getting warmer. In my experience women are all different. What is surefire for one is irritating to another. You have to re-learn each woman.

Also, I wouldn't phrase your inquiries in comparison to ex's. Ask what she likes...not what a previous lover did for her that she liked.


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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

MaritimeGuy said:


> Aside from the gifted few most of us need help. At minimum some kind of body language or noises when we're getting warmer. In my experience women are all different. What is surefire for one is irritating to another. You have to re-learn each woman.


Exactly.

The natrual reaction to something that feels good is to respond physically or moan. So the fact is you have to _block_ the innate reaction to moan or respond physically to something that feels good. 

It isn't so much that the woman needs to expend effort to show her man what she wants. _She needs to stop actively blocking communication with him_. That is a sexual saboteur. 

Some women are instilled with fear, having been trained to think that sex is "dirty" or that being demonstrative makes you a ****. But whatever it is, they over-ride the body's innate programming. 

It can be true for men too of course. But either way it is no different from anything else in your relationship. Why would a person conceal what their favorite meal is or their favorite activity together? Why would a woman actively work to block a smile from forming on her face when her husband buys her flowers? That's what sexual saboteurs do.


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## onetimer6804 (Oct 19, 2012)

MaritimeGuy said:


> Aside from the gifted few most of us need help.
> 
> Also, I wouldn't phrase your inquiries in comparison to ex's. Ask what she likes...not what a previous lover did for her that she liked.


I guess i'm pretty clueless i was about this matter. thanks


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## onetimer6804 (Oct 19, 2012)

Wiserforit said:


> Exactly.
> 
> The natrual reaction to something that feels good is to respond physically or moan. So the fact is you have to _block_ the innate reaction to moan or respond physically to something that feels good.
> 
> ...


sounds like a good amount of retraining to do.


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## onetimer6804 (Oct 19, 2012)

sounds like a plan. i need to have a talk w/ her - and tell her what i've learned here. although, what's the best approach to do it - i kind of don't tell her that i go to forums and research. I don't want her to think that i worry about this sh*t.


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

Rakkasan said:


> Oral. My wife takes almost an hour to orgasm exclusively from me doing oral on her.


Really? My wife can orgasm from oral in about 5 min or less. Does it take the same amount of time if you are using your fingers?


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## Horsa (Jun 27, 2012)

Seduce and tease her. You can't pressure her to cum, but you could encourage her to. Sure it is her responsibility to make herself cum, but that's not the way it work. By being able to seduce and tease her, you are helping her making the move toward her climax.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Rakkasan (Mar 4, 2013)

Plan 9 from OS said:


> Really? My wife can orgasm from oral in about 5 min or less. Does it take the same amount of time if you are using your fingers?


It takes her faster when I use my fingers, and this is precisely why I rarely use them. She likes taking forever to orgasm. She used to push my head away when would get too close to orgasm. Now she doesn't have to. I know exactly when she is too close, and I know when to stop to let her cool down. Sometimes I blow cold air on her erected clit and watch it hide. Then I bring her to the edge again, and stop right before she explodes, just to let her cool down again. She says that doing this way allows her to explode with more power, and her body shakes more violently when she orgasms. She actually gets upset if I am not too careful and she comes too quickly.


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