# Wife really, really embarrassed me last night and won't apologize



## Walker

Last night was going good. Eating tex-mex with another couple, who have been good friends, when all of a sudden, my stomach started cramping up really bad. I hunched over due to the pain and that caused me to just barely fart. I was very embarrassed but it was extremely quick and quiet. My wife felt it on the bench seat and I did not expect her reaction.

She immediately said "Aaaaagh" and looked down at the bench. I tried playing it off by saying "Sorry! Didn't mean to lean onto your hand" (since her hand was down on her leg but our friends wouldn't have known the difference). She said "NO! You just farted!!" At this point, I'm just stunned. Why didn't she go along with it? So I denied it by saying it must have been me moving on the vinyl bench." She STILL almost yelled out "NO! YOU FARTED AND YOU MEANT TO! THAT'S DISGUSTING!" 

I was absolutely speechless. Why is she doing this? I could feel my face burn with redness. I was so embarrassed. The tables all around us could hear her. So I quickly told her it was an accident and apologized and said "let's drop it." She would not drop it! She argued with me about it being an accident. She said "It was not an accident! You did it on purpose! I saw you lean forward to do it!! I know you!!" 

Let me just say at this point that while I've ripped some good ones while around her in private that my ancestors would have been proud of, I have NEVER farted in a setting like that. NEVER.

At this point I went from being embarrassed to pissed off. I don't know why she was acting like that. She's never done anything like that before. I immediately told her that it WAS an accident and asked her why she was trying to embarrass me. She just kept repeating "You did it on purpose!!" 

At that point, I just shutup for a few minutes so that it would get dropped. Awkward silence ensued and then the check came. I just got up and went to pay for the food. As I was walking away, I heard her say something to the other wife which caused both of them to laugh. I turned around and she noticed that I saw what happened and looked like a deer in headlights. 

I've never, ever, been treated like that. She treated me like some dirty kid. It seemed like it was pure hatefulness. 

On the way home, she continued on with her attitude then asked if I was upset. I said of course I'm upset. She started going on about it again and I yelled at her "Do you REALLY want to get into this now??" That shut her up about it.

After dropping them off, I told her I can not believe what she did and how adamant she was about embarrassing me. She said she didn't think she did anything wrong and admitted that she had zero remorse about it. I couldn't (and still can't) believe what I was hearing. She didn't even care. She even said that I deserved it because I lied to her when I denied farting.  

I was so pissed at this point. I've never been so mad at her or yelled at her so much. I cursed her pretty good, but never said anything I regret. She said a lot of bad things at this point and was yelling right back at me. I told her I was leaving for the night when we got home. She said she was glad and said she would enjoy it.

We got home and I left. Drove around for a bit and ended up at my office. She finally sent me a text and asked me where I was. I told her I was fixing to head to get a hotel room. We argued again for a bit and I just hung up the phone. About an hour later she started calling my phone non-stop. I kept ignoring it but finally answered. She started asking where I was at. I asked her why she cared a few times to drive the point home. Finally told her I was at my office. She claimed I was lying and went off the handle again saying she doesn't believe me and accused me of being at a bar. I told her if all she wants to do is argue with me about where I am, then I'm getting off the phone. She kept it up so I hung up again. She immediately called me on my office phone and I answered it. Told her I was telling the truth.

Then she started screaming at me again because she claimed that I told her I was driving to a hotel. I repeated what I had told her, but she kept calling me a liar. I never said I was on my way, I only said I was fixing to head out and get a hotel. She kept screaming so I hung up again and turned off my cell phone.

I eventually went home and slept on the couch. 

I don't know what I'm expecting to get out of posting this here. I just need to get it off my chest. I can't believe how dramatic and mean she was being. It just blows my mind.


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## Walker

So today she's been telling me that I'm just insecure and that I shouldn't have been embarrassed. Getting embarrassed isn't what pissed me off. What pissed me off was her attitude about it and how she argued with me and accused me of doing it on purpose. 

She keeps claiming that I deserved it for doing something so "disgusting." Nobody else would have even known about it if she didn't say anything. Why would she embarrass not just me, but both of us?

So this afternoon she says she's not coming home until I apologize to her for screaming and cursing her. Gave me an ultimatum that I have to apologize by 5 or else she's not coming home. She hasn't once apologized for what she did and keeps claiming ignorance and that she didn't realize I was embarrassed. Yet she also admitted that she wouldn't have done it if we were with anyone else. SO I guess it's OK to embarrass me with these friends only?? She's contradicted herself so many times throughout this entire ordeal. 

So I told her that she doesn't have to wait until 5, that I'm not apologizing to her. 

She keeps defending her actions by saying that if I wouldn't have lied, she wouldn't have called me out on it. Which contradicts what she said about her only doing it with these friends.

F*cking aye. I don't see how this will ever get resolved. I'm about ready to tell her she can just stay wherever she's going tonight. I'm sick of her sh*t.


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## Amplexor

I would guess there is underlying baggage on both of your parts in this and the flatulence was just the catalyst that brought other frustrations to the surface. I would suggest you call for a cooling off period then have a dissuasion about what else may be bothering each of you. If one of you begins to bring up issues in the marriage the other needs to shut up, be respectful and when done, ask questions. Leave this incident out of it and look deeper. This might be an opportunity to "clear the air" 

Sorry couldn't resist.


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## Freak On a Leash

And uh...HOW old is your wife?  :scratchhead:

I agree with the above post. Sounds like your wife has issues. Whether they are with you or herself she just isn't acting normally. She's literally blowing things out of proportion to the nth degree and certainly not acting logical.


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## lovelieswithin

Just sounds like a misunderstanding. If you fart around her a lot then she has probably become used to your behavior so much that she didnt take the mixed company issue into consideration.
It also sounds like maybe she had too much to drink? which is another factor that can damage someone's judgement. 
You should simply tell her that the issue got a little more blown up (lol sorry for the pun!) than it should have but that she should know you wouldnt fart on purpose in the presence of company. Although you feel comfortable enough to joke at home, you arent comfortable doing so in front of friends. 
Maybe you both owe a truths and understanding that what happened was confusing but that neither meant to hurt any feelings.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Walker

lovelieswithin said:


> Just sounds like a misunderstanding. If you fart around her a lot then she has probably become used to your behavior so much that she didnt take the mixed company issue into consideration.
> It also sounds like maybe she had too much to drink? which is another factor that can damage someone's judgement.
> You should simply tell her that the issue got a little more blown up (lol sorry for the pun!) than it should have but that she should know you wouldnt fart on purpose in the presence of company. Although you feel comfortable enough to joke at home, you arent comfortable doing so in front of friends.
> Maybe you both owe a truths and understanding that what happened was confusing but that neither meant to hurt any feelings.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


She didn't even drink anything last night. It wasn't a misunderstanding because she admitted to calling me out on it because I "lied." She also admitted that she wouldn't have done it in the presence of anyone else. She knew exactly what she was doing. Plus, she's 25 and knows better. 

The kicker is that just the night before she was talking/complaining about how my sister is an expert at being inappropriate and doing mean things, exactly like my wife did last night. I spent my entire life dealing with this kind of sh*t from my older sister, I'm not going to deal with it from my wife.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Freak On a Leash

Yeah, she was just being plain mean. The question is "why?" She sure wasn't showing you any respect. Would she do this to any of her friends? Probably not. It's a situation of "familiarity breeds contempt". The fact that she doesn't recognize that she wronged you and won't apologize just makes it worse. 

Sounds like when things calm down you'll need to sit down and talk about this. This goes beyond you having a minor case of flatulence at dinner. It's not like you intended to do this purposely and it was embarrassing enough. She didn't have to make it worse.


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## Walker

Now she's accusing me of starting it and that it's all my fault! I'm seriously about to lose my mind. Why would I make the scene? People around us were staring because she was being loud and obnoxiously acting out how she "saw" me lift up and fart on purpose.

I got loud at the end when I bluntly asked her "Why are you doing this? Are you just trying to embarrass me?"

I really think she has narcissism or something. She can NOT admit that she did anything wrong. Even her own mother told her it was weird. And she keeps saying I did it on purpose. 

F*ck this. It's not worth it. My marriage is spinning down the drain because I accidentally fart and she causes a scene about it.


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## Crypsys

Walker said:


> F*ck this. It's not worth it. My marriage is spinning down the drain because I accidentally fart and she causes a scene about it.


Maybe you both need to take a chill pill. For you to be as mad at her about this shows you have some baggage somewhere with this. And with her pushing it this far shows she has some too. When something as simple as this escalates into this point, yall have GOT to get calm heads and step back from it for a minute. There is something bigger underneath all this that yall have got to address. 

Step away from looking at the missing shingles on the roof, and focus on what looks like those huge cracks in the foundation. You can keep trying to replace those shingles, but the cracks in the foundation will keep letting the house settle and knock off any new shingles you put back on the roof.


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## Walker

Crypsys said:


> Maybe you both need to take a chill pill. For you to be as mad at her about this shows you have some baggage somewhere with this. And with her pushing it this far shows she has some too. When something as simple as this escalates into this point, yall have GOT to get calm heads and step back from it for a minute. There is something bigger underneath all this that yall have got to address.
> 
> Step away from looking at the missing shingles on the roof, and focus on what looks like those huge cracks in the foundation. You can keep trying to replace those shingles, but the cracks in the foundation will keep letting the house settle and knock off any new shingles you put back on the roof.


Yeah, I definitely have some baggage related to this. My sister pulled this kind of sh*t all growing up. I'm 27 years old now, I shouldn't have to deal with this kind of immaturity and narcissism. And she knows about this baggage because even though my sister is older than us, she has pulled the same crap on me and my wife. Heck, my wife was JUST talking about it the night before because of some crap my sister is doing to my parents. 

I keep taking a step back, collect my thoughts, and try talking to her again. But she can NOT stop accusing me of everything being my fault. She can NOT stop acting like she has done nothing wrong. So I take another step back, allow things to cool off a bit, but then it's the same exact argument, no matter how hard I try to avoid it. 

She has threatened twice to divorce me in the 6 months we've been married. The first time devastated me and I bent over. The second time devastated me but I called her out on it and told her to go sign the damn papers. She quickly came back around crying and telling me she didn't mean it. But those fights were minor compared to this. She started implying separation again last night, and I told her if she says it again, I'll be at the courthouse first thing in the morning to make it official. I told her it's the last thing I want, but I am NOT going to allow her to keep using that threat to get her way. She dropped that issue.

I also caught her in 2 lies yesterday, before any of this happened. They weren't anything major, but they were a LOT more serious than me denying I farted because I was embarrassed. I brought that up and now she's saying I accused her of cheating. I NEVER accused her. I was just trying to make a point that she told me two lies, or maybe they were just misunderstandings, but I never even remotely got upset about them. I trust her and know better than that. But I was just trying to drive the point home that she overreacted at my little denial (lie) about farting when she made 2 bigger lies just hours before and I didn't even get upset.

It's just a lot of bull**** and she's hypocritical and it's a 1-way street with her. I'm sick of it.


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## Pepper

Brother, it sounds as though you're in the midst of a good 'ol fashioned pissing contest. It's no longer about you busting cheese at the table, nor is it about the so called "lie". It has turned into a battle of wills. What the others have told you is correct. This has nothing to do with what actually happened. There's some issue underneath.

She did what she did to either: (a) intentionally embarrass you, to punish or get back at your for something, or (b) she did it to show out it front of your friends to satisfy some feeling in her at your expense. Either way, her reaction was wrong.

With that said, continuing to battle with her over this is pointless. I totally understand that what you want her to do is admit that she was wrong and that she disrespected and embarrassed you in front of your friends, and then you guys can move on from it. That's what should happen but it's not going to. The more you confront her about it, the more defensive she's going to become and pick apart the incident trying to find some small detail to hang onto to justify her actions, even though she would've done the same thing if the roles were reversed. My wife is the same way.

I would say, don't say another word about it. Especially don't curse your wife. I know it makes you feel better to do it, cause I've done it myself, but it will cause more damage in the long run. However, I think you should also stand your ground on this too. When she brings it up, tell her in a quiet calm voice that kind of behavior is unacceptable and has hurt you, and leave it at that. If she tries to taunt you into an argument, don't let her. Simply stand your ground on the issue. I hope that you guys can work through this without having to throw out threats of divorce. Just keep your head and hang in there cause, just like my mom would always say..."this too shall pass"

Good luck bro


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## turnera

She was embarrassed that her husband would do that in public and in front of her friends, so she tried to shift all the onus on you and make herself look like a victim.

People do it all the time. 

But then you upped the ante by not taking the high road and dropping it. So she was backed into a corner. And you two obviously have a history of Mr & Mrs Smith, and have no idea how to handle spats without 'winning' so you spiraled out of control.

If you want to save your marriage, why don't you invest some money into a PROFESSIONAL who can teach BOTH of you how to deal with issues in an adult, respectful way?


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## Walker

Pepper said:


> Brother, it sounds as though you're in the midst of a good 'ol fashioned pissing contest. It's no longer about you busting cheese at the table, nor is it about the so called "lie". It has turned into a battle of wills. What the others have told you is correct. This has nothing to do with what actually happened. There's some issue underneath.
> 
> She did what she did to either: (a) intentionally embarrass you, to punish or get back at your for something, or (b) she did it to show out it front of your friends to satisfy some feeling in her at your expense. Either way, her reaction was wrong.
> 
> With that said, continuing to battle with her over this is pointless. I totally understand that what you want her to do is admit that she was wrong and that she disrespected and embarrassed you in front of your friends, and then you guys can move on from it. That's what should happen but it's not going to. The more you confront her about it, the more defensive she's going to become and pick apart the incident trying to find some small detail to hang onto to justify her actions, even though she would've done the same thing if the roles were reversed. My wife is the same way.
> 
> I would say, don't say another word about it. Especially don't curse your wife. I know it makes you feel better to do it, cause I've done it myself, but it will cause more damage in the long run. However, I think you should also stand your ground on this too. When she brings it up, tell her in a quiet calm voice that kind of behavior is unacceptable and has hurt you, and leave it at that. If she tries to taunt you into an argument, don't let her. Simply stand your ground on the issue. I hope that you guys can work through this without having to throw out threats of divorce. Just keep your head and hang in there cause, just like my mom would always say..."this too shall pass"
> 
> Good luck bro


Thanks for the insight. I think you hit the nail on the head when you say it's turned into a pissing contest.

She does pick apart every last detail to justify her actions. Now she's justifying it by saying I treated her 100x worse than what she did to me. Well, it never would have gotten to that if she would have just apologized and admitted she was wrong. But she said some things and pushed my buttons and got me even more worked up. I shouldn't have let myself get that mad and cursed her. It just made things worse. 

Now she's made a list of every bad thing I've said to her and says she doesn't know if she can ever get over it. She stayed at her mom's last night and is planning on staying there again tonight. Her mom lives an hour away. So while I wish I could take your advice and just not mention it anymore, because it seems like a good thing to do, I can't.

I don't know what to do. I'm going to continue to stand my ground though. Her actions were completely unjustified. I could have gotten over it quick, but when she told me I deserved it and that she didn't have any remorse for what she did, I lost it. 

I think I'll write a long letter and email it to her and just explain everything and get some things off my chest. I don't know what else to do.

I want to expound on the lies she told me yesterday before any of this happened. I called her at 5:19 after I got home to see when she would be home. She usually gets home from school between 4:45-5:30, depending on class. I was in the middle of saying something and her phone just flat out died. It wasn't like a loss of signal, so I figured her battery died (not a rare thing with her).

So I tried calling right back and it rang 4-5 times then went to voicemail. I called 4 more times within 6 minutes before she answered. Each time it rang 4-5 times before going to voicemail. She told me her phone lost service as she was driving out of the parking deck at school. I've talked to her several times while she's at the parking deck and her phone has never lost signal until she gets into the elevator, and even then, it slowly loses signal and when I call back, it goes straight to voicemail.

I didn't think anything of it though at the time. She then said "Hey, let me call you back, I have to drop my friend off." Thinking nothing of it, I said OK. My phone call log says the call lasted 2:13, including the time it took for her to answer. She called me back pretty quickly and acted like nothing happened. I asked her who she had to drop off, and she said "just a friend." So I asked if it was a guy or a girl friend. She said it was a guy so I asked who it was. She told me. It's some guy that's been in groups with this semester for one of her classes. Whatever, I didn't care, I trust her. 

But I did ask her very nicely if she would just let me know when she gives another guy a ride somewhere or studies with only another guy. She got really defensive and pissy. I asked her why she's upset and she said "because you don't trust me!" I said it had nothing to do with trust, I don't care if she does it, I just want to know about it, as a courtesy. I told her that what if a friend of mine see's her driving around with another guy and they tell me about it. I told her I wouldn't handle hearing that news very well. She was still defensive so I just asked her how she would feel if I drove another girl around and never told her. She understood and I asked her if she had done it before. She said a few times. 

I was not upset at ALL. I was in a really good mood and I completely trust her. So I tried telling her that she doesn't have to call me and tell me about it right before hand. That I understand those situations arise really quickly and she doesn't have to ask for permission. But I couldn't get it all out because she got pissed that I kept going on about it. I stayed very calm the entire time, I was not mad, and I told her there was no reason for her to be upset. 

So I finally got that statement about asking for permission and she understood. Then she sheepishly said "I was going to tell you about it." (Lie #1) I called her out on that and asked her if that was true, why didn't she do it the other times? She got mad again and said that she had only done it once (Lie #2). I asked her why she told me she had done it a few times early. She didn't even remember saying that and was obviously caught in another lie. 

I finally got her calmed down again and just bluntly told her I'm not upset. I trust you and let's just go on. She got home and things were fine.

But she still lied a couple of times.

FAST forward to last night and I started tying things together.

During the fight I realized that something was fishy about her losing signal and dropping her friend off. I asked her where she dropped him off at. She told me it was at a store 1.5 miles away on the other side of a very busy campus. I asked her where she was when she answered my 2nd call. She said had just turned out of the parking garage. I asked her if she got off the phone with me when she got there. She said she was turning into the parking lot when she hung up. Well, that phone call was 2:13, including me calling her. It's physically impossible for her to get that far in that amount of time. IMPOSSIBLE.

So I gave her a chance to clarify her story. She said she was telling the truth. Then I remembered that the phone kept ringing when she supposedly lost service for 6 minutes. It doesn't take that long to drive out of a parking deck, especially since she was on the first floor.

She still claims that she isn't lying about anything, but her story does NOT add up. None of it does. So now I've got this d*mn thought in the back of my head that won't go away. It's a dangerous thought. And while I still do not believe she was cheating on me in any way, I can't help but know that she was lying about something during that entire time.

I want answers.


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## sisters359

If you have been farting around her a lot and she doesn't like it, then YOU have been disrespecting HER all this time and YOU have been acting like a dirty little boy. 

Does not matter who thinks you are "right;" if your wife has expressed a dislike of you farting around her and you have continued to do it, shame on you. Her point, "I know you," suggests that she believes you do not care about her feelings on this and probably many other issues she has expressed her feelings on. 

S*it on your wife in private, and sooner or later that s*it will come 'round to land on you. You don't get to pick when or where. 

Grow up and respect your wife's feelings. You put other people well ahead of her--you are too embarrassed to fart in front of them, and yet she does not matter. 

You need to look into the "walk away wife" syndrome b/c you are heading that way. Treat her BETTER than you treat anyone else, not worse!


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## blublazy

It sounds to me like it really did start out as a misunderstanding... she might have thought it to be meant as a joke, or perhaps she was uncomfortable with the people you were with so she put the attention on you to make herself seem 'better'... it in no way excuses what she did, and I wouldnt back down one bit if I was you. It has now turned into an arguement about her being called out on her imperfection, and she doesnt want to admit she has one. Its embarrassing, but i pulled one of those one time with my husband about him stinking up the bathroom. It didnt go as far as yours has, but the same principle. I also dropped it after I said something to a customer, we both worked in the same place. I was too comfortable with him doing that sort of thing at home, so it didnt bother me to say something about it to a stranger... I didnt realize how bad I ****ed up until later when he confronted me about it. I didnt want to admit I was wrong, but after I really thought hard about it... i knew I had to apologize and then some. Your wife also has security issues to blow your phone up like that, she so thought you were off doing naughty things! Like I said, dont back down from this! I learned my lesson about embarrassing him that day, but if she cant take your feelings into consideration and apologize and learn from it... then more is sure to come! Also, with the whole guy thing, in the light of recent events, she has probably been exploring the idea of another man... not saying she would act on it, I dont know your wife. But with you treating her so 'terrible', even though she started it, deserved it, and she wont end it, she probably has some kind of thinking in her head that she can do better... maybe she really doesnt like the farting and other guy behavior... Ill bet she has a guy friend/classmate that she has turned into a fantasy guy and has developed a crush. You really dont just give 'some guy' a ride, they are almost always at least an acquaintance or friend (or fantasy). You have a thin line to walk if you want to stand your ground, show her how she hurt you, and keep her around. But im my opinion, she sounds a bit full of herself so how can there be room for you?


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## Walker

sisters359 said:


> If you have been farting around her a lot and she doesn't like it, then YOU have been disrespecting HER all this time and YOU have been acting like a dirty little boy.
> 
> Does not matter who thinks you are "right;" if your wife has expressed a dislike of you farting around her and you have continued to do it, shame on you. Her point, "I know you," suggests that she believes you do not care about her feelings on this and probably many other issues she has expressed her feelings on.
> 
> S*it on your wife in private, and sooner or later that s*it will come 'round to land on you. You don't get to pick when or where.
> 
> Grow up and respect your wife's feelings. You put other people well ahead of her--you are too embarrassed to fart in front of them, and yet she does not matter.
> 
> You need to look into the "walk away wife" syndrome b/c you are heading that way. Treat her BETTER than you treat anyone else, not worse!


Way to make assumptions. I don't fart a lot. Maybe 1-2 times a month around her. And it's not like a make a joke out of it. Besides, when I've done it, she doesn't get mad or upset or think it's gross. She usually just rolls her eyes.

And I'm not embarrassed to fart around them. I AM embarrassed to have my wife call me out on it very loudly in a crowded restaurant when I was trying to keep things quiet and tell her it was an accident. It was her making a scene that embarrassed me.


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## Crypsys

Not to sound like an a*hole but sounds to me like your both stubborn, hard headed people who want to win at any cost. It's the whole immovable object vs irresistible force. Marriage is about compromise, not about who wins or looses. If neither of you can take the high road and let it go, it is doomed for failure. Maybe instead of taking a her vs. me mentality you both try to take an us mentality? From an outsiders perspective (mine) you both read like two selfish people refusing to budge on something completely inane.

What does it honestly harm for you to be the big person here and say your sorry? Are you willing to swallow your "pride" for your marriage or love of your wife? Does it really matter who is "wrong" and who is "right" with something as trivial as this? No, it doesn't. Take a restock of what REALLY is important to you. Is your pride worth your wife?

There will been many times in a normal relationship you and her will just have to swallow your pride if you want to remain together. Maybe if you could honestly see this from an outside perspective, you could see how utterly childish this seems.

We have had really good friends who's marriages have just disintegrated for the stupidest of reasons. We have just been raised with the whole "Me, me, me" philosophy for much too long. We all need to start thinking of more then just our wants (to be right, party, etc) and think of the couple as a whole.

Sorry if I seem a bit blunt, but I have really strong opinions on this matter.


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## Walker

Crypsys said:


> Not to sound like an a*hole but sounds to me like your both stubborn, hard headed people who want to win at any cost. It's the whole immovable object vs irresistible force. Marriage is about compromise, not about who wins or looses. If neither of you can take the high road and let it go, it is doomed for failure. Maybe instead of taking a her vs. me mentality you both try to take an us mentality? From an outsiders perspective (mine) you both read like two selfish people refusing to budge on something completely inane.
> 
> We're both definitely stubborn.
> 
> What does it honestly harm for you to be the big person here and say your sorry? Are you willing to swallow your "pride" for your marriage or love of your wife? Does it really matter who is "wrong" and who is "right" with something as trivial as this? No, it doesn't. Take a restock of what REALLY is important to you. Is your pride worth your wife?
> 
> That's the thing. I've always been the one to swallow my pride and make sure things get ironed out. I've always seen that as my job as the husband. But I just want her to do it, just once. And with her inability to take responsibility for her actions, I'm not swallowing my pride this time.
> 
> There will been many times in a normal relationship you and her will just have to swallow your pride if you want to remain together. Maybe if you could honestly see this from an outside perspective, you could see how utterly childish this seems.
> 
> It's very childish, I agree. But I'm taking a stand.
> 
> We have had really good friends who's marriages have just disintegrated for the stupidest of reasons. We have just been raised with the whole "Me, me, me" philosophy for much too long. We all need to start thinking of more then just our wants (to be right, party, etc) and think of the couple as a whole.
> 
> I'm one of the least selfish people. I've supported her through college, so that she can get 2 degrees. I pay all of the bills, except for her car and cell phone. I am NOT selfish. I've just had enough.
> 
> Sorry if I seem a bit blunt, but I have really strong opinions on this matter.
> 
> No worries. Takes a lot more than that to get me worked up.


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## sisters359

Why are you getting defensive with a perfect stranger? I'm just responding to what you said, and you can take it or leave it. (You talked about ripping big ones at home, like it was something you were proud of, and she said, "you did it on purpose; I know you.") 

I do not think she was right to embarrass you--but that really isn't the issue, although you seem to think it is. The issue is much more: she seems to have a lot of hostility toward you. 

If you are always so quick to take offense, and insistent upon being validated in your opinion--rather than being willing to examine your own behavior and to consider why she might act that way and how her feelings may have led her to make a mistake--that her anger may be understandable. Just sayin'.


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## hopelesslife

I'm pretty positive your wife is on her way cheating.may not physically but at least emotionally she is with someone from school. From how unreasonable she acted to you and threatened to divorce zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz times,i would say she is just losing the exciting feeling of your marriage and getting excited in her school life.but that is not just simple school life. if she does not have mental problem,she is 25 mature enough,i can;t see any reason that made her not care about how you feel in front of ppl. like you mentioned you didn;t dothis to her or around ppl.

she is in a very unreasonable stage now.just ignore whatever her threaten or she said.let things cool down for a while and then see what she WANTS to do.if a period of time later she still mention about divorce and mean it,then let her go.someone in school is more attracted to her,not you.


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## hopelesslife

I partially agree with crypsys,bbut the badly stubborn one was your wife. Yes,marriage is full of compomise,but the compromise should be reasonable,necessary,and within a limits.let's see your wife is going through her menppause,or she is a mentally chanllenged person,of course you should be the one who compromises. or if she did this at home to you. but it was a public restaruant,no sense at all of how she acted.


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## Walker

So we partially made up last Friday night, but it got ugly before it got better. She actually said she wanted a divorce with the *****iest grin I've ever seen. I told her I'll go get the papers Monday morning and told her to start getting her **** out of the house otherwise I would be throwing it on the lawn. Then I left for a drive but finally came back after 30 minutes. She was still sitting in her car so I ignored her and went inside. She finally came in and broke down crying and said she didn't want a divorce. That pissed me off even more than her wanting a divorce. I WILL NOT PUT UP WITH THAT IMMATURITY THE REST OF MY LIFE. I'm not going to go into every fight wondering if she's going to threaten divorce again. 

She finally broke down even more and admitted that she was completely wrong and that she shouldn't have done it. I've never seen her so sincere. I did finally accept her apology and we had a good talk about what all happened. She said things feel differently now though because I called her a liar as well as narcissistic and a few other things. We didn't go into everything because she said she needed a counselor and wanted to talk everything through with him/her.

I agreed, so we agreed to call a time-out until we could get into see a counselor. We ended up having a great weekend considering everything.

That Saturday her tire had a leak so she took it to get it fixed. The rim was bent so I spent what free time I had at work on Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday tracking down a wheel for her. Finally got it done Thursday night and put it back on the car late Thursday night by myself. I had told her that entire time that I'm just too busy to call a counselor. I told her I felt that her driving on a donut spare tire was a safety hazard and that I put that as a priority over finding a counselor. But told her she was free to get us an appointment too.

Monday and Tuesday she had finals. Sunday and Monday night her friend (a girl) came over to study. I worked on the yard Sunday night and Monday night I went and ate dinner with them (paid for it all), and then went and worked on finishing up the bathroom remodel while they studied. Tuesday I came home at lunch to see her sleeping. She ended up laying around all day Tuesday. Wed and Thursday she literally complained about how bored she was at work. Thursday morning she did ask for the number for the insurance and counselor we went to a year ago, so I gave them to her. Thought she was getting it done. Nope. 

Well, today she's mad at me because of the plans this weekend. I had to plan with my sister (during our fight) what we were going to do for our mom and step-mom since this weekend is Mother's Day. I had forgotten about my wife's friend's graduation party this Saturday afternoon, so that threw a wrench in the plans I made. Ended up upsetting my sister and changing everything up so that we could go to this graduation dinner. This same friend didn't come up to her's a year ago, but whatever, it's obviously important to my wife.

So the plans I came up with weren't good enough and I kept changing them, she kept saying she didn't care, but then she would start complaining about some aspect, so I would offer to change it. It finally pissed me off this morning when she did it again this morning and we had some words over it. So she said she would just do her own thing and that I can go to my parents' by myself. FINE! No drama! I've been busting my ass trying to do stuff for her and make her happy this weekend, but it's not good enough. All she can do is complain how I keep changing things up and how I let her down by not getting us a counselor appointment. 

I told her she could have done it and asked her why she didn't. She didn't have an answer other than this: "You don't act like you want to see a counselor. So, I wanted you to schedule it, but other things were more important. I just want you to fix what you broke."

That entire comment pissed me off so bad. She STILL is acting like it's all my fault. **** THIS. I'm going to enjoy my weekend without her. My nerves are TOAST.


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## turnera

> I told her she could have done it and asked her why she didn't. She didn't have an answer other than this: "You don't act like you want to see a counselor. So, I wanted you to schedule it, but other things were more important. I just want you to fix what you broke."
> 
> That entire comment pissed me off so bad. She STILL is acting like it's all my fault. **** THIS. I'm going to enjoy my weekend without her. My nerves are TOAST.


She was giving you valuable information. She NEEDED you to prove yourself to her. And you got mad. And now you're punishing her by ignoring her. Great work.


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## Crypsys

turnera said:


> She was giving you valuable information. She NEEDED you to prove yourself to her. And you got mad. And now you're punishing her by ignoring her. Great work.


:iagree:

You two folks have some serious trust issues between you. Your both playing chicken waiting for the other one to blink. In the end it is simple as this. One of you will have to swallow your pride and be the first to blink, or you will end up divorced. You cannot expect her to blink and she cannot expect you to blink. Since she's not on here posting I can only tell you (if I was talking to her i'd tell her the same thing). If your wife means anything to you; you will need to blink first. You will need to truly extend that olive branch and work 110% of your personal best to make this marriage work.

It's up to you Walker, your call.


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## Blonddeee

Someone needs to throw in the white flag and call uncle! Seriously!! And since you are the one here getting advice (kudos ) Maybe counseling would help you two communicate better- and get past who is right because this fight turned into something way worse because both of you just kept going back and forth with it till the things that have happened since are WAY worse then the origional problem. 

Or the other option- Go get yourself a hot shot attorney and file divorce- make sure he puts in the paperwork that the divorce is NOT due to infidelity, abuse, addictions, or anything silly like that, but becuase you accidently farted and she embarressed you- that way if you aren't in a no-fault state you can get a better deal then having to split everything 50/50. I'm kidding 

Take a step back- is this really going to matter in a year? Can you just ask her to talk and tell her that you are sorry that everything got blown out of proportion- you had a tummy ache and you didn't mean to fart and next time can she just let it go? You can't sweat the small stuff... because when you do it turns into this big huge deal that it is now and it's really not worth it!


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## Therealbrighteyes

I have a different take on this. First off, I want to let you know that you are heard. It sounds to me like you really want to be heard, appreciated and respected. Absolutely nothing wrong with that, especially from your wife. What she did was really immature and designed to humiliate you. I have no idea why she did it and it was wrong. 
You mentioned that you had to deal with this type of humiliation from your sister growing up. It really sounds like when your wife did this it triggered you back to all those times you were humiliated by your sister and powerless. You said you hated that feeling and you don't want it from your wife. Who does! Now you are out having a nice dinner with your wife and friends and are ambushed with this. It must have caught you off guard badly. It sounds like you tried to handle your feelings of shock and hurt calmly but the more it progressed you saw red. She didn't help the situation at all. 
In your additional post it really sounds like what you desire from your wife is a safe and secure "comfort place". A place that you know that even if things don't work out with plans or daily activities that you are still loved, valued, appreciated and respected. It doesn't sound like you have that and you feel like you give and give and give and get very little in return. Perhaps this becomes another trigger to childhood when maybe you thought if you did things differently your sister wouldn't hurt you so much? Either way, you are hurting and upset. Totally understandable.
As for the phone call for counseling, it shouldn't matter who makes that call but to both of you it does. I do think that in your wife's mind that you making that call means that she matters to you but at the same time you want her to make the call because then you matter to her. I went 3 months feeling bitter that my husband didn't make the same call. Same feelings as your wife. Where did it get me? Nowhere. 3 months wasted. I made the call. So either of you two just pick up the phone. 
As a side note, my parents treated me like your sister treated you. It hurts and it makes me angry and I can hear it from you in your post. Perhaps individual counseling would be a good thing. It really helped me and my marriage.


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## turnera

Great post, Brennan.

And Walker, I too, totally get how you feel. I really do. 

But you can hold on to that feeling, find comfort from it, lean on it...but in the end, if you don't take the high road and do what needs to be done - because IMO your wife is too dysfunctional right now to do it for you - you will NEVER have a decent marriage.

Later, after she's learned to feel safe with you, and you her, you can sit down and discuss what happened. But for now, just stop the tit-for-tat and get things moving.


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## PeasNCarrots

I agree with the last few posts. On this (calling the counselor) you should just give in and make the call. I know you want to stand your ground on certain issues and I agree there but ultimately you need to decide which is more important to you.... your marriage or your pride?

It also seems to me that she has some big things she is hiding. Her reactions to situations are extremely dramatic and that usually happens when someone has something to hide.

You really do need outside help, this wont be resolved between just the two of you, you need that outside influence and guidence.

Hope for the best but prepare for the worst.......Good luck!


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## Sixgunner

My wife would never embarrass me, but if she did she better be ready for a smart ass comeback. Something along the lines like "that fart doesn't smell like you did that one time you were on your period. you smelled like nasty S***ch.

Sorry but that's just me.


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