# Husband Paying for Private Shows - Cam Girls



## mdm89987 (Nov 10, 2021)

My husband and I have been together for twelve years, have two children and I am pregnant with my third child. We are in the process of refinancing and I had access to the last few months of his debit card statement. I found that he was spending money on a cam girl site. I confronted him about this, and he apologized, said he won't go on the site again. I asked him if he had ever done private shows, and he said no, that he was too shy to do that. Well the next day I continued my investigation of all the girls he was tipping and activity, and I come across his profile and it says "last broadcast 2 weeks ago." I confront him about this and he admits that he has done private shows. I am able to search through all of his token activity, see every girl he has every had a private show with - this has been going on for over 3 years!!! He has had almost 100 private shows, spent over $1500 over the few last years, and lied to me.

Meanwhile, I was believing I had a perfect life. We get along great, have a great sex life, we truly enjoy our time together, enjoy our children and I've thought the last few years have been some of the happiest in my life. He does shift work, and this always happens when I am out of the house or sleeping.

I feel sick to my stomach and don't know what to do. My husband is very upset in thinking he will lose me, he admits he has a problem and looking at his activity and history shows it is worse than he thought. He made an appointment to start therapy next week and said he will do whatever he can to make this work.

I feel stuck - my children are young enough that if I get a divorce now, they will be okay and it will be all they ever know.

On the other hand, I could chose to stay and work it out with my husband. Ideally we would work through this, have a very transparent and open future and it would be the best scenario. OR we could stay together, and something could happen in 5-10 years where I catch something similar or worse, and then I'd have to get a divorce when my kids are older (harder for them) and I'd be wasting my time.

I don't want to live a life where I feel like I can't trust my husband. Do I leave now, stay and try and make it work and hope for the best?


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

I'm sorry you are in this position, especially during pregnancy. 

I recommend that you read and work through this book: Facing Heartbreak: Steps to Recovery for Partners of Sex Addicts: Stefanie Carnes, Mari A. Lee, Anthony D. Rodriguez: 9780983271338: Amazon.com: Books

The book is a guide for helping you face and heal through your spouses sexual addiction. If your husband isn't a sex addict, it doesn't matter. He has hurt you with his inappropriate sexual behavior. This book will help you make sense of it and decide what to do. I also recommend that you get into therapy with someone who understands the position you are in who can help you make healthy decisions for you and your children.


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## UpsideDownWorld11 (Feb 14, 2018)

There is no good age for your kids to experience a divorce. My take is he realizes he has a problem and is willing to get help. Most married men watch some form of porn so it's not uncommon especially in dry spells. Cam girls or porn it's all the same really. Now if he was out having sex with women, my advise would probably be different. However, if you both have a good relationship otherwise, I don't see why this can't be worked through especially since he is willing to do what it takes.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

mdm89987 said:


> My husband and I have been together for twelve years, have two children and I am pregnant with my third child. We are in the process of refinancing and I had access to the last few months of his debit card statement. I found that he was spending money on a cam girl site. I confronted him about this, and he apologized, said he won't go on the site again. I asked him if he had ever done private shows, and he said no, that he was too shy to do that. Well the next day I continued my investigation of all the girls he was tipping and activity, and I come across his profile and it says "last broadcast 2 weeks ago." I confront him about this and he admits that he has done private shows. I am able to search through all of his token activity, see every girl he has every had a private show with - this has been going on for over 3 years!!! He has had almost 100 private shows, spent over $1500 over the few last years, and lied to me.
> 
> Meanwhile, I was believing I had a perfect life. We get along great, have a great sex life, we truly enjoy our time together, enjoy our children and I've thought the last few years have been some of the happiest in my life. He does shift work, and this always happens when I am out of the house or sleeping.
> 
> ...


These things are probably not cheap, to say nothing of the emotional strain it is on you. I suggest that you go and get some professional counseling help. Good luck.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

I honestly don't think therapy will help to be honest unless it's specific to this issue. Therapy won't make a liar into an honest person, nor a man with few boundaries or moral values into one who has. He has deceived you, lied to you and cheated on you for years and if you hadn't found out it would carry on for the next few years.

Please don't let people tell you that it's not that bad, or that most men watch porn and it's similar. No it's not ok. Even if 90% of men do this, it doesn't make it ok. It's a betrayal just an affair. In fact in his case many affairs. 

Trouble is that you have your third child on the way, and a very hard decision to make. 
I don't think I could trust a man who had lied to me and deceived me for years, but I am not you. You must make your own decisions based on whether you think the trust can be rebuilt and whether you can be sure he won't do it again.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

this is really bad. what he's done is inexcuseable. it doesn't matter that a lot of married men look at porn. doesn't make it right. it's cheating IMHO. and i also think that this is worse than looking at porn because it's more than looking. it's interacting.

however, i also believe he deserves a second chance if he is truly sincere. start with therapy. i suggest therapy together. he needs to be embarrassed and held accountable.
he needs to be open and let you have access to ALL his devices. if he fails again, then give him walking papers.


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## TXTrini (Oct 2, 2013)

Diana7 said:


> I honestly don't think therapy will help to be honest unless it's specific to this issue. Therapy won't make a liar into an honest person, nor a man with few boundaries or moral values into one who has. He has deceived you, lied to you and cheated on you for years and if you hadn't found out it would carry on for the next few years.
> 
> Please don't let people tell you that it's not that bad, or that most men watch porn and it's similar. No it's not ok. Even if 90% of men do this, it doesn't make it ok. It's a betrayal just an affair. In fact in his case many affairs.
> 
> ...


mdm, I have to agree with Diana.

I felt horrified and sick to my stomach reading that, I can't imagine how you feel living it! And while pregnant! Talk about kicking a person while they're down.


UpsideDownWorld11 said:


> There is no good age for your kids to experience a divorce. My take is he realizes he has a problem and is willing to get help. Most married men watch some form of porn so it's not uncommon especially in dry spells. Cam girls or porn it's all the same really. Now if he was out having sex with women, my advise would probably be different. However, if you both have a good relationship otherwise, I don't see why this can't be worked through especially since he is willing to do what it takes.


Yeah, no. This is a cowards' way out. How can you say they have a good relationship? I honestly would wonder who is this stranger I was married to if I found out about this secret double life. 

OP, I'd definitely get therapy and insist he goes for some too. Interacting with cam girls is 1 on 1 human to human contact, especially if he pays her to do specific things. This is much worse than looking at 2 D images or even watching vids. I'd personally lose respect for a man who did this, same as if he went to prostitutes.


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## rugswept (May 8, 2019)

I cast a vote to go. He sounds like a SA. Live cams are OUT OF BOUNDS. 
Tolerating non interactive porn is one thing. Interaction is cheating. 
Ergo: he's been cheating for years. 

Tell him to cut it the ffff out or it's over. And you should definitely be leaning towards leaving and let HIM show you that he's going to respect you and your M in the future.


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## Trident (May 23, 2018)

The problem is he didn't even think about quitting the cam girls sites until you found out. Now he's suddenly remorseful? Nah, he just doesn't want to have a major disruption in his life and the financial inconvenience and necessary relocation that goes with divorce.

It's all about what he wants.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Cam girls are beyond “regular” porn.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Trident said:


> The problem is he didn't even think about quitting the cam girls sites until you found out. Now he's suddenly remorseful? Nah, he just doesn't want to have a major disruption in his life and the financial inconvenience and necessary relocation that goes with divorce.
> 
> It's all about what he wants.


Sorry he got caught of course. As many cheaters are.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

Live cams with any chat/tips is not good.

With that said if he said he would stop and he does actually stop then if you’re otherwise happy with him I would consider it. If he’s not a basket case he can keep it together enough to not go to cam sites.


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## moulinyx (May 30, 2019)

He’s a total jerk.

Of course porn in itself is annoying for most wives, but the cam nonsense is totally disrespectful. Especially seeing how much money, which is half yours, was spent on other women. I mean, wtf??? How disrespectful. It’s sad how big of an issue porn is in so many marriages. I used to think I was weird for feeling jealous about it but now I’m seeing how truly damaging it is.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Paying for private shows makes it personal interaction. I am sorry for you, for both of you really.


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## Jamieboy (Jan 14, 2021)

I would ask him why he needs the additional sexual outlet, and see if you can fill that missing void, does he have a kink you don't want to entertain? My take is different to others, cheating for me is either actual sexual contact. Or, emotional connection outside of marriage.

If my wife went to see the Chippendales I wouldn't class that as cheating, or a reflection on how she views me. Cams are the same in my eyes, an interactive porn experience where no physical or emotional connection is involved.

1500 dollars over 3 years is also a pretty small amount due to the cost of private shows. So he clearly isn't addicted. I would point out he's in the wrong for lying about it, as this is the most serious problem imo


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Jamieboy said:


> I would ask him why he needs the additional sexual outlet, and see if you can fill that missing void, does he have a kink you don't want to entertain? My take is different to others, cheating for me is either actual sexual contact. Or, emotional connection outside of marriage.
> 
> If my wife went to see the Chippendales I wouldn't class that as cheating, or a reflection on how she views me. Cams are the same in my eyes, an interactive porn experience where no physical or emotional connection is involved.
> 
> 1500 dollars over 3 years is also a pretty small amount due to the cost of private shows. So he clearly isn't addicted. I would point out he's in the wrong for lying about it, as this is the most serious problem imo


How would you see a sexting relationship? Nothing physical but still cheating.


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## Jamieboy (Jan 14, 2021)

Diana7 said:


> How would you see a sexting relationship? Nothing physical but still cheating.


Fits into emotional connection, as cam girls are professionals, an emotional connection is not possible, hence why it doesn't fit my personal test of cheating. Its not physical nor is there an emotional connection.

Now I'm not saying some men believe there is a connection which could be the case, but if its a different girl every time, it's just him getting his rocks off to an attractive woman.

Sexting is usually the beginnings of an affair, and you are quite right it's wrong


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

i find online activity less shocking than many here would. it is a sexual fetish of his.

i do not see the attraction of paying to watch a woman masturbating, but obviously he does. i have heard of cases where significant sums of money were wasted on cam girls!

so he needs credit cards to pay for this. take back all but one credit card and all bank accounts, watch them like a hawk! including atm withdrawls.

but simultaneously figure out how YOU can replace this cam girl use! Try doing sexual things while he watches from the other side of the room.

i do not understand the knee-jerk "Divorce Him!" reaction when someone finds their spouse doing something really kinky. * how about the more obvious reaction of "how do i join in with his fun?"*


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Jamieboy said:


> Fits into emotional connection, as cam girls are professionals, an emotional connection is not possible, hence why it doesn't fit my personal test of cheating. Its not physical nor is there an emotional connection.
> 
> Now I'm not saying some men believe there is a connection which could be the case, but if its a different girl every time, it's just him getting his rocks off to an attractive woman.
> 
> Sexting is usually the beginnings of an affair, and you are quite right it's wrong


I believe there is an emotional connection for the man. No different to a man paying for a private lap dance at a club. 
I see anything that causes a person to focus on someone outside the marriage for sexual satisfaction and release as cheating.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Talker67 said:


> i find online activity less shocking than many here would. it is a sexual fetish of his.
> 
> i do not see the attraction of paying to watch a woman masturbating, but obviously he does. i have heard of cases where significant sums of money were wasted on cam girls!
> 
> ...


Joining in with what he does? With his cheating?


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## UpsideDownWorld11 (Feb 14, 2018)

Diana7 said:


> I believe there is an emotional connection for the man. No different to a man paying for a private lap dance at a club.
> I see anything that causes a person to focus on someone outside the marriage for sexual satisfaction and release as cheating.


There is no emotional connection with a lap dance or cam girls, it's purely visceral. I mean if I go on the internet , immediately I'm bombarded with sex. It's click bait. It causes a visceral reaction in men. You see it outside as well with women with their ass cheeks hanging out. Unless we want to go back to the days before internet, and start dressing in burkhas then I really don't think your hard line is reasonable. Like the old saying...I'm married, not blind.


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## Jamieboy (Jan 14, 2021)

Diana7 said:


> I believe there is an emotional connection for the man. No different to a man paying for a private lap dance at a club.
> I see anything that causes a person to focus on someone outside the marriage for sexual satisfaction and release as cheating.


As usual dianna, we must agree to disagree. But I respect your boundary on this issue


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## GC1234 (Apr 15, 2020)

mdm89987 said:


> My husband is very upset in thinking he will lose me


That's funny because he wasn't too worried when he was bread-crumbing you with the truth (or lies by omission rather).


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## GC1234 (Apr 15, 2020)

Talker67 said:


> i find online activity less shocking than many here would. it is a sexual fetish of his.
> 
> i do not see the attraction of paying to watch a woman masturbating, but obviously he does. i have heard of cases where significant sums of money were wasted on cam girls!
> 
> ...


I actually agree. It's not technically cheating in any way. But lying about the finances part...no bueno.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

UpsideDownWorld11 said:


> There is no emotional connection with a lap dance or cam girls, it's purely visceral. I mean if I go on the internet , immediately I'm bombarded with sex. It's click bait. It causes a visceral reaction in men. You see it outside as well with women with their ass cheeks hanging out. Unless we want to go back to the days before internet, and start dressing in burkhas then I really don't think your hard line is reasonable. Like the old saying...I'm married, not blind.


Do you not think there is a good balance between a burka and women wearing very little or nothing? 
We will have to agree to disagree n this. This stuff involves the mind, the eyes, the ears and the body. As such it definitely involves the emotions.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

GC1234 said:


> I actually agree. It's not technically cheating in any way. But lying about the finances part...no bueno.


Plus lying about what he doing?


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Jamieboy said:


> As usual dianna, we must agree to disagree. But I respect your boundary on this issue


Yes we will, thanks.


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## GC1234 (Apr 15, 2020)

Diana7 said:


> Plus lying about what he doing?


Well of course, I commented in regard to that. He bread-crumbed her about the info. So that's definitely no bueno. I'm not sure if it's grounds for divorce, as it wasn't physical, and I certainly don't believe emotional.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

*


mdm89987 said:



My take is he realizes he has a problem and is willing to get help.

Click to expand...

*LOL...he doesn't realize* squat*. He's simply trying to save his pitiful ass.

All he knows is that his wife is done putting up with him being a LOSER if he doesn't do something about it - so he threw her the old "I'll go to therapy!" bone which most of these fools offer up when they're caught with their pants down. *He's no different* than any other lying low life who is desperate to keep from being kicked out of his house and doesn't want to lose his wife and kids.

This was about him getting cheap thrills, not about LOSING his family. It's never that way for any cheaters, no matter how they conduct their business. But the thought of paying alimony for who knows how long and child support for 3 kids for at least the next 20 years is frightening enough - and he knows he'd likely be living in a tenement in order to even swing that. Also, he'd be losing his wife who probably does everything for him but chew his damned food, and he sure as HELL doesn't want _*that*_ to happen, so he's going to offer to do anything he thinks will keep his pitiful ass on this side of the door and not the curb side.

But it's a bit much to assume this assclown has had any type of epiphany at all. He likely hasn't - he's working STRICTLY out of desperation.

Good luck, OP. Don't be surprised when a completely *UNQUALIFIED* therapist makes a "sex addict" diagnosis when they have no right whatsoever to make that kind of diagnosis. That's just another excuse for his behavior because accountability has gone right out the window in today's world.

You're not seeing "remorse" at all from him. What you're seeing is, *"I'll do or say whatever it takes to make sure I'm not thrown out of the house!"*

That's all you're seeing.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> LOL...he doesn't realize* squat*. He's simply trying to save his pitiful ass.
> 
> All he knows is that his wife is done putting up with him being a LOSER if he doesn't do something about it - so he threw her the old "I'll go to therapy!" bone which most of these fools offer up when they're caught with their pants down. *He's no different* than any other lying low life who is desperate to keep from being kicked out of his house and doesn't want to lose his wife and kids.
> 
> ...


Yes, apparently everyone who cheats has a 'sex addiction' now. Pathetic. 
Plus therapy doesn't give you integrity or good values. It doesn't stop a liar from lying. Or a deceiver from deceiving.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Trident said:


> _*The problem is he didn't even think about quitting the cam girls sites until you found out. Now he's suddenly remorseful? Nah, he just doesn't want to have a major disruption in his life and the financial inconvenience and necessary relocation that goes with divorce.
> 
> It's all about what he wants.*_


You said it so much more succinctly than I did. Bravo.

It amazes me how anyone can think these liars and cheaters are suddenly "remorseful" after the're caught. The truth is, they're just scrambling as fast as they can to do as much damage control as possible and will fake remorse or anything _else_ if that gets the job done for them.

It's kind of amazing that he's so "remorseful" and "realizes he has a problem" when it's something he'd STILL be choosing to do *today* had the OP not thrown a monkey wrench in the works and made him stop. It was only when the **** hit the fan that Mr. Wonderful had his sudden "epiphany."

This guy wouldn't know what real remorse IS if you shoved it down his throat with a pitchfork. She's just seeing the dog and pony show most of them put on when they're caught.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

*


Jamieboy said:



I would ask him why he needs the additional sexual outlet, and see if you can fill that missing void, does he have a kink you don't want to entertain? My take is different to others, cheating for me is either actual sexual contact. Or, emotional connection outside of marriage.

Click to expand...

*So....your advice to her is that she should REWARD this jerk-off for his incredibly disrespectful behavior with _*more*_ sex? That's exactly what you're suggesting. Yeah, THAT'LL teach him!

Should she also lay on the floor every night so Prince Charming can wipe his feet on her back when he comes home from work, as long as she's at it?


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## CrAzYdOgLaDy (Mar 22, 2021)

If it was the other way around, and you watching live webcam of men with big ****s, I'm sure he would be pissed. Don't think he would like his wife pleasuring herself, and paying to go live with these strange men.


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## UpsideDownWorld11 (Feb 14, 2018)

Diana7 said:


> Do you not think there is a good balance between a burka and women wearing very little or nothing?
> We will have to agree to disagree n this. This stuff involves the mind, the eyes, the ears and the body. As such it definitely involves the emotions.


I think it differs between the sexes.semester.

ETA: I'm not condoning his behavior. I'm just saying this doesn't have to be some divorcable offense. Scorned folks come here with their pitchforks out, but we don't know this situation. If it's an otherwise healthy happy marriage than do what married people do...work through your issues. Good news is he isn't shoving his goods into another woman or even having relations with a woman he knows. But it isn't right that he should be doing this in marriage...the hiding, dishonesty, and spending marital funds on cam girls. Obviously it's an issue, I just think people need to put away their pitchforks. If he is willing to do the work, then that is a good sign.


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## Jamieboy (Jan 14, 2021)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> So....your advice to her is that she should REWARD this jerk-off for his incredibly disrespectful behavior with _*more*_ sex? That's exactly what you're suggesting. Yeah, THAT'LL teach him!
> 
> Should she also lay on the floor every night so Prince Charming can wipe his feet on her back when he comes home from work, as long as she's at it?


What does he need to learn, you seem to be about punishment rather than solving the problem. Because I don't think he did anything wrong other than lie about it, my advice is solid I think 😉


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

CrAzYdOgLaDy said:


> If it was the other way around, and you watching live webcam of men with big ****s, I'm sure he would be pissed. Don't think he would like his wife pleasuring herself, and paying to go live with these strange men.


Why would he be pissed? Especially if it made her ravenously horny, and she came into the bedroom after watching online and jumped his bones repeatedly! 

Many of the posts here are "oh woah is me, my wife will not jump my bones anymore....what do i do?" 

Well, here is ONE answer, get her to enjoy some sort of kinky sexual activity, and hope you can either join in directly, or that it spills over into your normal (vanilla) sex life.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

Diana7 said:


> Joining in with what he does? With his cheating?


that is just the point, he is NOT cheating (unless he hunted down one of these cam girls for physical sex).

it is weird, for sure....


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## Al_Bundy (Mar 14, 2021)

UpsideDownWorld11 said:


> I think it differs between the sexes.semester.
> 
> ETA: I'm not condoning his behavior. I'm just saying this doesn't have to be some divorcable offense. Scorned folks come here with their pitchforks out, but we don't know this situation. If it's an otherwise healthy happy marriage than do what married people do...work through your issues. Good news is he isn't shoving his goods into another woman or even having relations with a woman he knows. But it isn't right that he should be doing this in marriage...the hiding, dishonesty, and spending marital funds on cam girls. Obviously it's an issue, I just think people need to put away their pitchforks. If he is willing to do the work, then that is a good sign.


I agree I don't think anyone is giving this guy a pass. It's unfortunately a situation where there isn't a "great" option. Her leaving and becoming a single mother with 3 young kids, one a newborn, isn't a great option. Neither is staying with someone you don't trust.


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## moulinyx (May 30, 2019)

Al_Bundy said:


> I agree I don't think anyone is giving this guy a pass. It's unfortunately a situation where there isn't a "great" option. Her leaving and becoming a single mother with 3 young kids, one a newborn, isn't a great option. Neither is staying with someone you don't trust.


I agree. The issue isn’t the cams - it’s the lying and subsequent trickle truth. It’s absolutely exhausting navigating life with a partner you question or do not trust. The money spent on cam girls is just an additional slap in the face. 

He needs to dig deep and work on his character.


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## UpsideDownWorld11 (Feb 14, 2018)

Al_Bundy said:


> I agree I don't think anyone is giving this guy a pass. It's unfortunately a situation where there isn't a "great" option. Her leaving and becoming a single mother with 3 young kids, one a newborn, isn't a great option. Neither is staying with someone you don't trust.


There is a physical affair which I think is totally indefensible and I wouldn't blame anyone for ending a marriage on the spot.

An emotional affair...I mean it's definitely a slippery slope type situation that I don't necessarily lends itself to divorce but definitely brings up huge boundary trust issues.

And then there is porn. Emotionless, detached porn for one reason: to get off. I admit camgirls is a little more interactive but the same idea. Definitely needs addressed but all this divorce talk sounds like people projecting.

I hope they can work it out without breaking up a marriage with 3 young kids.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

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Still think it isn't cheating? I have some beachfront property in Idaho and I'll let it go for cheap.


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## TXTrini (Oct 2, 2013)

Talker67 said:


> Why would he be pissed? Especially if it made her ravenously horny, and she came into the bedroom after watching online and jumped his bones repeatedly!
> 
> Many of the posts here are "oh woah is me, my wife will not jump my bones anymore....what do i do?"
> 
> Well, here is ONE answer, get her to enjoy some sort of kinky sexual activity, and hope you can either join in directly, or that it spills over into your normal (vanilla) sex life.


So, if she was camming with dudes with monster d1cks, and you were packing a vienna sausage, that would be A ok with you? 

Kinky is great... with your partner, not some ho on video.


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

Talker67 said:


> i do not understand the knee-jerk "Divorce Him!" reaction when someone finds their spouse doing something really kinky. * how about the more obvious reaction of "how do i join in with his fun?"*


I wish that people would understand that in most of these situations like the OP's husband, what you bolded NEVER WORKS. That's because what people like this are doing is getting off almost as much on the solitary, secret aspect of their sexual fetish, as much as the sexual part. 

He DOES NOT WANT to share this with her most likely, not in ANY way...that's why it's such a secret. The secretive nature of what he's doing is thrilling and exciting to him as well. 

Every single time I accidentally stumbled on my STBX masturbating and watching porn, he was ANGRY at me. Every single time I offered to do any of the things that excited him in the porn he was watching in secret, just so I could share in some of his sexual experiences with him, he REFUSED. Every single time I told him, No problem, just use the porn and masturbate after we fool around first (ONCE a week), so at least I would get some basic sexual attention from my monogamous partner, he would say, Ok I will, but it was a LIE so he could keep sneaking around and only focus on himself. 

What you bolded would work with a man who loves and seeks sex with his wife enthusiastically and openly, because she is the focus of his desires. When partners behave the way the OP's husband has with porn/sex/cam girls, it's a very unhealthy sexual dynamic that walls out their partner from their sexual experiences on purpose, because THAT is one of the things that makes it exciting to them.


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

TXTrini said:


> So, if she was camming with dudes with monster d1cks, and you were packing a vienna sausage, that would be A ok with you?
> 
> Kinky is great... with your partner, not some ho on video.


DOUBLE-Like!!!


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

TXTrini said:


> So, if she was camming with dudes with monster d1cks, and you were packing a vienna sausage, that would be A ok with you?
> 
> Kinky is great... with your partner, not some ho on video.


out of the general male population of america, i bet 10% would be ok with, perhaps even enjoy, being shamed having a tiny penis. they are selling all those chastity cages to SOMEBODY!


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

LisaDiane said:


> I wish that people would understand that in most of these situations like the OP's husband, what you bolded NEVER WORKS. That's because what people like this are doing is getting off almost as much on the solitary, secret aspect of their sexual fetish, as much as the sexual part.
> 
> He DOES NOT WANT to share this with her most likely, not in ANY way...that's why it's such a secret. The secretive nature of what he's doing is thrilling and exciting to him as well.
> 
> ...


sorry to hear that. it makes no sense to me! If you were my wife, surprised me while i was watching porn, and said "wow, that looks like fun. i always wanted to try that.....that.....and that twice", i would be dragging you to the bedroom!


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

Talker67 said:


> sorry to hear that. it makes no sense to me! If you were my wife, surprised me while i was watching porn, and said "wow, that looks like fun. i always wanted to try that.....that.....and that twice", i would be dragging you to the bedroom!


That's because you have a healthy sexuality that you enjoy sharing with a partner, and you want that partner to be your wife, which is why you are both happy with your sex lives after all these years!! Which is great for you both!


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## TXTrini (Oct 2, 2013)

Talker67 said:


> out of the general male population of america, i bet 10% would be ok with, perhaps even enjoy, being shamed having a tiny penis. they are selling all those chastity cages to SOMEBODY!


You're missing the point. The man lived a secret life for 3 years, and probably would have never said anything if she didn't catch him. He purposefully denied her intimate involvement. Now OP hasn't been back yet, so we don't know if this affected their sex life and intimacy.

I've been down a similar road as @LisaDiane, this kind of secrecy is poisonous and does not end well.


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## mdm89987 (Nov 10, 2021)

Here are some updates for you all.

I am okay with regular porn and believed that was what he was doing the whole time. I would be fine with a few times a week. One of our issues is that we work opposite schedules, and while I am at work, he is at home during the day trying to sleep. That is when this usually happens. "Regular porn got boring", and that is why he said he ended up on this website. I think he knows he has a problem because he said he tried to stop many times and there are times when he doesn't even want to do it, but just ends up doing it anyways. Obviously this is still a very hurtful situation for me, because I just wonder what they can possibly provide that I cannot. He says that it has nothing to do with me, and there is something wrong with him. I've asked if there is anything I can do, or that he wants me to do, and he says what we have is perfect. 

I did some pretty thorough digging through all of the cam girl activity. From what I can tell there are no crazy kinky/fetish - they are just all regular women with nothing special or anything particularly interesting about them. My best guess is the appeal is just having someone watch him, and getting attention from someone else? I also wanted to note that it wasn't like there were only 1 or 2 girls and he continued with them all the time. It seemed to be different people and just whoever was available at the time.

I don't have much more of an update since I just discovered this all this past weekend. His first therapy session is next week and I am hopeful progress is made and we can understand why he feels the need for this interaction. Unfortunately I am stuck for now, since we have just purchased a new house and are selling our house, on top of me about to have another child. I don't think I can do much of anything decision-wise until at least a few months after the baby comes.

Other than this, he is a very active involved husband, does his share of cleaning and cooking and taking care of the kids. He is attentive and loving to me, and says he has no complaints about our sex life. 

I would love for things to change and this to work out, but I also don't want to be naïve knowing that many men cannot change. Will I be even more hurt down the road if something similar or worse happens again, or should I really believe that he is going to give it his all and change? Only time will tell...


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Jamieboy said:


> What does he need to learn, you seem to be about punishment rather than solving the problem. Because I don't think he did anything wrong other than lie about it, my advice is solid I think 😉


Would you be ok if your wife was doing this with men online?


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## Jamieboy (Jan 14, 2021)

Diana7 said:


> Would you be ok if your wife was doing this with men online?


Yes I would, as long as she didn't lie about it, and it was a cam girl equivalent site. The thing is, neither of us would lie about it because neither of us see porn consumption as a problem. 

We both use it on occasion, and it doesn't detract from our sex life


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## memyselfandi (Jan 10, 2012)

mdm89987 said:


> My husband and I have been together for twelve years, have two children and I am pregnant with my third child. We are in the process of refinancing and I had access to the last few months of his debit card statement. I found that he was spending money on a cam girl site. I confronted him about this, and he apologized, said he won't go on the site again. I asked him if he had ever done private shows, and he said no, that he was too shy to do that. Well the next day I continued my investigation of all the girls he was tipping and activity, and I come across his profile and it says "last broadcast 2 weeks ago." I confront him about this and he admits that he has done private shows. I am able to search through all of his token activity, see every girl he has every had a private show with - this has been going on for over 3 years!!! He has had almost 100 private shows, spent over $1500 over the few last years, and lied to me.
> 
> Meanwhile, I was believing I had a perfect life. We get along great, have a great sex life, we truly enjoy our time together, enjoy our children and I've thought the last few years have been some of the happiest in my life. He does shift work, and this always happens when I am out of the house or sleeping.
> 
> ...





GC1234 said:


> I actually agree. It's not technically cheating in any way. But lying about the finances part...no bueno.


While it's not technically cheating..the two of you are married. Spending a bunch of your funds on expensive porn shows..he has a definite problem.While the two of you can go through counseling together..he may need to go through some counseling on his own..as this sounds like a possible sex addiction..


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Stop the refinancing so you can sell the house and get out of the marriage if you think you need to.


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