# Military Spouse needs help!



## dkbogus (Oct 25, 2012)

I just got married on August 31st 2012. My husband is in the military. He does not tell me he loves me anymore andI found out some stuff on him. He gave me his old phone and he was still logged into his yahoo email account. So, I went through it. He posted ads on CRAIGSLIST saying he needed a wife and he didn't want to fall in love! I believe he wanted to get married for the extra money he gets being married. Called BAH. All I do is sit at our apartment all day long. I want to go back to college! I have no vehicle and he told me if I found a full time job he will take a loan out to get me one. I found a job and had an interview and he changed his mind and said he couldn't. I left him this past Friday and came back to my moms. I don't know what to do!!! He says he is not using me and the craigslist thing was a joke between him and his bestfriend I have never met who lives in Iowa. I need serious advice. My family says I should just divorce him and get alimony but, I want to at least try to save my marriage that I haven't even been in long. He is supposed to leave for Germany in the summer and he says I can't go. Then he told me marriage doesn't last when soldiers leave for long periods of time. He has no faith in us whatsoever! He said he would cheat and he knows i'd do the same. I would not! I'm dedicated to my soldier. Can someone please tell me what I should do?!?!


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## Archon (Jul 13, 2012)

Dk, how old are you? It sounds like you're both young. I was a soldier and I got married at 22, not having any clue what I was really doing. How long were you dating? Did you honestly feel his love for you as you were getting married? Did you really want to get married or were you just in love with the idea of it? What was his behavior before you left? What kinds of ads was he posting on the internet, for sex?

It honestly doesn't look like your marriage is based on a strong foundation of love, honesty and open feelings. Is he going to Germany to be stationed there or train? If he's being stationed there, you absolutely can move with him, so it sounds like he doesn't _want_ you to be with him.

Sorry for all the questions, but a better picture would allow us to help you better, and to give yourself a better picture of everything.

In regards to your mirror post:


dkbogus said:


> I don't know what to do!!! He says he is not using me and the craigslist thing was a joke between him and his bestfriend I have never met who lives in Iowa. Our sex life is down the drain too. He always says it would be hot if we watched porn together. I'm not gonna lie, I tried to once but, the whole time he was just like, "she's hot, She has a nice ass, damn look at those tits!" Like, really! When does he ever compliment me? I'm a great looking female! I hear it from everyone! But, never him.. I need serious advice. He has no faith in us whatsoever! He said he would cheat and he knows i'd do the same. I would not! I'm dedicated to my soldier. Can someone please tell me what I should do?!?!


Dk, take a breath... This isn't the end of the world. Consider the facts of what he said to you: that he'd cheat on you and (assume) you'd do the same. Basically he's saying that he'll do whatever he wants. He's not the husband you deserve. While watching porn as a couple has helped some, it's not for everyone and commenting on the woman in the video isn't exactly a way to light the fire with _you_. You deserve someone who will treat you as an equal in the relationship. Don't hold on to a destructive man. You have your whole life ahead of you! You'll meet someone who will show you the respect you deserve.


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## dkbogus (Oct 25, 2012)

I'm young. I'm only 18 and he is 20. I have been through a lot with him. We dated for about four months before we got marriedd and he led me to believe he was head over heels for me. He finally popped the question and I said yes! He says he wants me back and that he never used me and he misses me. But, I think he just doesn't want me to leave because of the money.. We argued really bad Thursday night then he refused to speak to me or anything so, I packed up all my stuff and my friend brought me back to my moms. He was saying, " I can't believe you left and packed up everything.." Then he tried to tell me he did nothing wrong and he didn't understand why I was so angry. I saw his facebook messages when he was in the shower and his ex girlfriend before he married me sent him a message saying, "did you marry Tiffany (me) or the one with the baby?" WHAT GIRL WITH THE BABY?!?!


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## dkbogus (Oct 25, 2012)

Thanks.. I still don't know what I should do. He was drinking with his buddies one night and got mad at me and threw a beer at me. Not only that ubt, he said when he goes to Iowa for christmas break (where he is originally from) he doesn't want to take me because it would be too expensive yet, he's talking about going to bars and casinos because he will be 21 next month. Also, telling his ex girls that he would be glad to hang out when he got there


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## Archon (Jul 13, 2012)

Dk, you married an immature kid. He wants to live the single life. He talks to his ex, he wants to go out drinking with other girls, go to casinos, and not have you around for any of it.

You two really married way young. You have yet to experience anything outside high school. You have your whole life ahead of you! Don't let this destructive guy bring you down. You have the potential to go to college, learn things about the world, find a career path you enjoy, meet new friends. That's all very important years finding out more about yourself, and what you want in a long term relationship.

He is completely disrespectful of you and wants to live the single life. Don't let him get any more BAH out of you so he can go party it up. Getting a divorce isn't "bad". It can also be a good thing, a new beginning when the relationship is so hurtful.


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## dkbogus (Oct 25, 2012)

I don't even know how to start the process of a divorce, I can't afford a lawyer either..


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## Archon (Jul 13, 2012)

Filing for divorce is different in every state. And every state has residency requirements, meaning you have to live there a certain amount of time before you can file. You don't need a lawyer if you have no assets together. If he agrees to get divorced, it can be really simple.

Go to this website and look for how to file in your state, on the left column. www.divorcesupport.com


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## dkbogus (Oct 25, 2012)

Thank you  I don't know who you are but, you just helped me a bunch! I'm in Virginia and it's only been 2 months. Do you know if I could get it annulled? And how I could do that?


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## Archon (Jul 13, 2012)

Consider me just someone that wants to help...

Not too familiar with specific laws outside of Texas but I highly recommend you go to this webpage, which has amazing information and free forms.


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## dkbogus (Oct 25, 2012)

Thank you!


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