# Is this normal?



## UniversityDude (Dec 27, 2017)

It boggles my mind that some people actually take the time to create a username and register on this site just to troll! 
Its not even a "fun" forum where you can "enjoy" surfing and browsing through people's real issues in life, but hey whatever floats your boat!

I think I got 2 or maybe 3 replies that were helpful and none-judgemental. So' Ive decided to end this topic and deal with this matter elsewhere.


----------



## toblerone (Oct 18, 2016)

i can't make sense of anything in this story


----------



## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

toblerone said:


> i can't make sense of anything in this story


I think it boils down to him buying a pig in a poke, who won't let him poke her, and now her wants to poke a different pig.


----------



## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

You think you know what I’m thinking now, but you’re wrong. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## toblerone (Oct 18, 2016)

so, did you move to europe to be with her? did you move her from europe to 'north america' ?

how did you manage to be defiled with such 'north american' values in the first place?

also, north america is beautiful time this year. i especially appreciate the great lake.


----------



## pragmaticGoddess (Nov 29, 2017)

No it’s not normal at all. It is not mormal for a woman to not want sex and for three years. Understandably she might want to consummate your relationship on wedding night, but to give you reasons for months after (years??) I think she must have had some trauma in her past. 

Sadly this will not change without a lot of hard work, therapy and time. You can read of the other posts here and come to this conclusion. Others might be able to better advise you.


----------



## UniversityDude (Dec 27, 2017)

Married but Happy said:


> I think it boils down to him buying a pig in a poke, who won't let him poke her, and now her wants to poke a different pig.


Thanks! that was both inspiring and helpful!


----------



## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

OP, are we to understand that you still have not had sex with your wife after three years of marriage?

If that is the case, and you're asking for what I'd do, I'd immediately seek an annulment of the marriage on the grounds that it's never actually been consummated. I'd then get myself into some sort of therapy to figure out why I married a girl because I was mad at her ex-boyfriend whom I'd never met.


----------



## UniversityDude (Dec 27, 2017)

Fozzy said:


> OP, are we to understand that you still have not had sex with your wife after three years of marriage?
> 
> If that is the case, and you're asking for what I'd do, I'd immediately seek an annulment of the marriage on the grounds that it's never actually been consummated. I'd then get myself into some sort of therapy to figure out why I married a girl because I was mad at her ex-boyfriend whom I'd never met.


Ya, no sex sill. but I dont understand why would she not want to have sex tho?
I left out a lot of details in my story but I did catch her watching heterosexual porn one time. So she defiantly feels something and also that she is not gay!


----------



## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

She must be really hot for you to hang around so long.
Your wife obviously has no problem with sex.
Her problem is having sex with you.
By the way what does being a good North American have to do with anything.Are you a “Nice”guy by any chance.Maybe your wife sees you as a protector rather than a husband.
Be honest, is she out of your league looks wise,you say you had a threesome in college,did they come back for more?


----------



## Elizabeth001 (May 18, 2015)

UniversityDude said:


> Ya, no sex sill. but I dont understand why would she not want to have sex tho?
> 
> I left out a lot of details in my story but I did catch her watching heterosexual porn one time. So she defiantly feels something and also that she is not gay!




Who cares why? You may never know. Get the annulment before it’s too late and move on. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## UniversityDude (Dec 27, 2017)

Andy1001 said:


> She must be really hot for you to hang around so long.
> Your wife obviously has no problem with sex.
> Her problem is having sex with you.
> By the way what does being a good North American have to do with anything.Are you a “Nice”guy by any chance.Maybe your wife sees you as a protector rather than a husband.
> Be honest, is she out of your league looks wise,you say you had a threesome in college,did they come back for more?


To answer your question in the most honest way I have to say, people have been telling me that I could do better! she hardly puts any make-up on and was extremely fat when I met her!
So that is why I call myself a good North American here. plus, the whole shebang with her boyfriend was really complicated and I got myself into A LOT, to get the police involved and court and stuff... AND it wasn't even in my country or the law I am familiar with. so that is why.


----------



## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

Move on shes never going to be what you desire and need.

She was a rebound and you have white knight snydrome.

Take some time after you give her the boot to figure things out.

Thats all I got.


----------



## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

I'm much more interested in why you've waited three years to start looking into whether or not it's normal for a woman to not ever to consummate her marriage. 

Here's a hint: She doesn't have sex with you because you let her get away with being a wife that doesn't have sex with you. You're half the problem.


----------



## UniversityDude (Dec 27, 2017)

Fozzy said:


> I'm much more interested in why you've waited three years to start looking into whether or not it's normal for a woman to not ever to consummate her marriage.
> 
> Here's a hint: She doesn't have sex with you because you let her get away with being a wife that doesn't have sex with you. You're half the problem.


She portrayed the issue as a medical condition that required seeing a doctor. Who would force himself on an sick person with medical condition who cant have sex right? 
but then nothing got better and expenses started to pileup.


----------



## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

The story is irregular, abnormal.
But not so much as Thee.

What have you done to consummate your need to expel your built up seed? Gallons of nights alone, laying below your belt.


----------



## wilson (Nov 5, 2012)

I'm sorry to say, the only solution is to divorce. You sound like a nice guy who helped her out. I'm sorry that it didn't work out like it should have. There is no realistic way to fix this relationship. The longer you spend in it, the longer you will live this way. 

She married you because you were her safety net who rescued her from a bad situation. Unfortunately, her feelings for you didn't develop and it's extremely unlikely they will in the future. Even in the best marriages, passion typically dies down as the years go on. If you're starting from here, you really don't have a hope.

Is she trying to get a green card?


----------



## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

UniversityDude said:


> She portrayed the issue as a medical condition that required seeing a doctor. Who would force himself on an sick person with medical condition who cant have sex right?
> but then nothing got better and expenses started to pileup.


You have been played!

My advice is to go to either a divorce attorney and end this......or set up a marriage counseling session where you lay out your side of the story to the counselor and she guves hers, Then tell them tat you will give this sorry excuse of a marriage another 6 months to get to the point of you being sexually satisfied or you will file for divorce.

You also need to read about "damsel in distress" and "white knight to the rescue."

Again you sound like she played you. Good Luck


----------



## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

UniversityDude said:


> Fozzy said:
> 
> 
> > I'm much more interested in why you've waited three years to start looking into whether or not it's normal for a woman to not ever to consummate her marriage.
> ...


A medical condition she didn't get help with for YEARS??


----------



## Windwalker (Mar 19, 2014)

UniversityDude said:


> 3 years ago, I decided to go on a trip alone. Things weren’t working out between me and my ex so I’ve decided to breakup with her and take a trip to Europe to get away from everything.
> 
> Whatever the case may have been, I just couldn’t witness this naïve girl be abused like that.
> Fast forward, I ended up proposing to her and this is when things got really bizarre!
> ...





UniversityDude said:


> To answer your question in the most honest way I have to say, people have been telling me that I could do better! she hardly puts any make-up on and was extremely fat when I met her!
> So that is why I call myself a good North American here. plus, the whole shebang with her boyfriend was really complicated and I got myself into A LOT, to get the police involved and court and stuff... AND it wasn't even in my country or the law I am familiar with. so that is why.


On the off chance that this isn't some elaborate troll scenario, I'll bite.

If I were to find myself in your shoes, I would immediately check myself into the nearest mental institution for a very serious evaluation.

Break up with current girlfriend because life is just not all that great.

Travel to Europe to get away from it all.

Get involved with a girl you really know nothing about and then inject yourself into her messed up relationship with her psycho ex-boyfriend.

Then propose to the same said girl.

Get married to same said girl without so much as roll in the hay.

Stay married 3 years in a sex less marriage with said girl.

Supposedly has engaged in 3 somes with other college students. 

Ask total strangers if your marriage is normal.

2+2 does not equal 0,2,6,or 69 in this case.

Why in the 9th ring of hell?


----------



## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

UniversityDude said:


> To answer your question in the most honest way I have to say, people have been telling me that I could do better! she hardly puts any make-up on and was extremely fat when I met her!
> So that is why I call myself a good North American here. plus, the whole shebang with her boyfriend was really complicated and I got myself into A LOT, to get the police involved and court and stuff... AND it wasn't even in my country or the law I am familiar with. so that is why.


So let me get this straight.
Your wife is obese,not very pretty,doesn’t wear makeup and refuses to have sex with you even though she had a sexual relationship with her previous boyfriend.
I did a quick calculation before I wrote this post.During your marriage I have had sex about a thousand times with my girlfriend.
Just think about that.
A thousand times more than you, and you are married.
I don’t know if you are religious but withholding conjugal rights is grounds for annulment,otherwise just divorce.


----------



## VibrantWings (Sep 8, 2017)

1. I'm a woman...the point being this is a post from a woman about another woman.

2.I have been married twice.

3. I had sex on my wedding night with both ex-husbands.

4. I EXPECTED to have sex on my wedding night with both ex husbands.

5. BOTH of my ex-husbands EXPECTED to have sex with me on our wedding nights.

6. Both of them and myself expected some type of sexual activity during our marriages. 

7. I live with a man now.....HE expects sex from me as his significant other and we aren't married

8. To answer your most pointed question: no it's not normal. She can't give you a specific answer as to why it's not happening? I have to agree with some others in the thread: You are being played. Why? that is the question you need to concern yourself with.
The annulment idea from the woman that OBVIOUSLY has NO INTENTION of EVER having sex with YOU isn't a bad one. I see that you never answered the green card question from another poster. 

My question to YOU is: have YOU ever had sex with another woman before her? Is that why you're so....."shy" about it? That you have to ask "is it normal"? I find your claims of having sex with other women doubtful. You seem inexperienced....and will remain so until you do something different.


----------



## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Have you ever seen her naked?


----------



## WilliamM (Mar 14, 2017)

Did you move her to North America? You know, her ticket to the good life?

She doesn't care one bit about you, just the ticket.


----------



## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

UniversityDude said:


> She portrayed the issue as a medical condition that required seeing a doctor. Who would force himself on an sick person with medical condition who cant have sex right?
> but then nothing got better and expenses started to pileup.


With all your wife’s medical expenses, housing must be very costly.I hear of people living under bridges in that part of the world is that true?


----------



## Tatsuhiko (Jun 21, 2016)

Get an annulment or a divorce now. Try to make it as amicable as possible. She has many, many issues to work through, and seems to have no inclination to do so. The issues are as follows:

1) Her desire for you is not adequate for her to engage in any kind of sexual relationship with you. This defies the laws of nature.
2) Her desire to meet your needs is not adequate for her to even try to get help. She'd rather lie to you than work on it. This is not love.
3) She overeats, which is unusual for a European woman, and suggests there are deeper problems. 
4) She's too childish to understand that she's doing irreparable harm to her marriage. 
5) She's turned on by abusive, bad boys who chase her in cars, keeping her scared yet excited. Those are the ones she'll put out for. Not nice guys. 

I'm sure there are many more I'm missing.


----------



## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Does your wife have a vagina?


----------



## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

My god, this whole forum is such a target rich environment. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## Windwalker (Mar 19, 2014)

Personal said:


> Does your wife have a vagina?


:rofl::rofl::rofl:


----------



## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

Ok OP. I'll try to be more sympathetic. There are women with medical conditions that would cause pain with sex. So a wife who had that would want to still please their partner. Do the two or you engage in other forms of sex? Say oral sex, toys play, hand jobs. If she doesn't want to have mutually satisfactory other play than that is a big indication of other problems. She maybe playing you or perhaps she was the victim of sexual abuse and hasn't properly dealt with this issue. If it is medical surely by now you've had this checked out. Most things it could be aren't that hard to find like vaginal cysts.

Do you have a diagnosis?
Do you have other play?
No it's not normal, do you really want to do this the rest of your life?
Divorce don't cheat, cheating just makes you the jerk.


----------



## UniversityDude (Dec 27, 2017)

wilson said:


> I'm sorry to say, the only solution is to divorce. You sound like a nice guy who helped her out. I'm sorry that it didn't work out like it should have. There is no realistic way to fix this relationship. The longer you spend in it, the longer you will live this way.
> 
> She married you because you were her safety net who rescued her from a bad situation. Unfortunately, her feelings for you didn't develop and it's extremely unlikely they will in the future. Even in the best marriages, passion typically dies down as the years go on. If you're starting from here, you really don't have a hope.
> 
> Is she trying to get a green card?


You are right. I have a feeling divorce is the only option.
She is from a wealthy family and green card is not that important to her.


----------



## UniversityDude (Dec 27, 2017)

Andy1001 said:


> So let me get this straight.
> Your wife is obese,not very pretty,doesn’t wear makeup and refuses to have sex with you even though she had a sexual relationship with her previous boyfriend.
> I did a quick calculation before I wrote this post.During your marriage I have had sex about a thousand times with my girlfriend.
> Just think about that.
> ...


She was obese. Was suffering from depression and she was really overweight but then lost it all once we got married. 
Not religious at all. 
lately Ive been recording our conversations regarding sex so I can present it to court if needed. Just in case if she denied the story. So ya, I am thinking of getting annulment.


----------



## UniversityDude (Dec 27, 2017)

VibrantWings said:


> 1. I'm a woman...the point being this is a post from a woman about another woman.
> 
> 2.I have been married twice.
> 
> ...


I know and I agree with everything you stated (other than the last part) and that is why I am here. I figured maybe there is a chance that there really is a painful condition, psychological or physiological for woman to ignore having sex. 
So I thought this forum could really help me as it is full of stories related to marriage and surrounding issues and people who experienced them. 
But so far, other than couple of legitimate replies, all I got was people trolling around. So turns out the issue is me! 
My looks, my syndrome, my sexual weirdness ...


----------



## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

You W mention the XBF as abusive, so much so that a car driving by will make your W jump out of her skin. There was some sexual activity with this XBF. If I put these two together I would believe that your W was traumatized sexually by the XBF. Individual counseling is necessary to get to your W real reservations with sex.


----------



## UniversityDude (Dec 27, 2017)

Tatsuhiko said:


> Get an annulment or a divorce now. Try to make it as amicable as possible. She has many, many issues to work through, and seems to have no inclination to do so. The issues are as follows:
> 
> 1) Her desire for you is not adequate for her to engage in any kind of sexual relationship with you. This defies the laws of nature.
> 2) Her desire to meet your needs is not adequate for her to even try to get help. She'd rather lie to you than work on it. This is not love.
> ...


The "deeper problems" was that she had depression due to her situation with the ex. she is no longer overweight but the sex issue persists. I am working on getting an annulment. You are right about pretty much everything.


----------



## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Faithful Wife said:


> Have you ever seen her naked?


Yes, this.

Maybe she started out life as a he.


----------



## Elizabeth001 (May 18, 2015)

Does she have loose skin from the weight loss?


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## Capster (Jun 10, 2014)

I've never heard anyone call themselves "North American."


----------



## Tatsuhiko (Jun 21, 2016)

Capster said:


> I've never heard anyone call themselves "North American."


I've seen it on Canadian TV shows, specifically HGTV, when they're trying to appeal to a US market. "Follow Gordon and Brooke MacDonegal as they search for a new home in a large North American city!" Kind of sad when you're ashamed to say "Ottawa" on TV.


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

What most everyone here has said is good.

Get the annulment but also get thyself into therapy to figure out what mechanism broke in your mind to allow you to engage in this fiasco.

She would probably be a great friend but marriage?

What were you thinking dude?


----------



## WilliamM (Mar 14, 2017)

You say she says the green card isn’t important to her. Then be sure she doesn’t get one. 

The claim it isn’t important is bogus, and I bet she will scramble for it fast as soon as it starts being pulled away. As long as she, it, whatever has the card of course the claim is going to be it isn’t important. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## Bonkers (Nov 26, 2017)

Check her neck for an Adam's Apple.

Do it when she's fast asleep. 

If you find one, you definitely have grounds for annulment.


----------

