# How long did your depression last?



## indiecat (Sep 24, 2012)

After your separation? Mine is still going strong after 8 months. I tried antidepressants, no difference. When if ever does it get better?


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## Pictureless (May 21, 2013)

Mine lasted 12 years and then we divorced. Feeling fine now!


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## LBHmidwest (Jan 3, 2014)

If your seratonin levels get out of whack (lack of 4th level sleep and eating wrong, not enough) your body's limbic system will get out of whack. Takes 8-9 months of something like Lexapro to even begin to get out of the funk.

I'm at 2.5 months and I'm taking eating and sleeping better seriously. I have to or I'll be there in short order. A week ago I slept about 21 hours in 7 nights. A friend intervened and scared the crap out of me. Said I'd slip off the edge soon.

Not saying what you're doing, I don't know. 

By the way. I freaking had no idea how many songs are about breakups until now.


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## Ceegee (Sep 9, 2012)

indiecat said:


> After your separation? Mine is still going strong after 8 months. I tried antidepressants, no difference. When if ever does it get better?



It gets better when you start living again. 

What are you doing to make that happen?


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## Alpha (Feb 18, 2013)

Two years. 

Didn't take any anti-depressants but within the first six months found myself drinking a lot more than I usually do and when I did, would get really bad to the point of blacking out.

The major problem I realized is that I always had some sort of contact and I kept tabs. I had installed a key logger on her lap top and when she left, I knew exactly what it was she was up to. When the key logger subscription expired I had it automatically renewed for one more year! That was enough to drive me insane.

Today the only contact I have with her is during the interval when we hand off the children. I'm cordial, say hello, but won't ask any questions. That lasts no more than five minutes. 

My advice to everyone going through this is cliche, there is nothing you can really do except to forget it and move on. If she doesn't want you, she doesn't want you. You cannot force someone to love you so that means build your life anew and just keep on plugging away.


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## ne9907 (Jul 17, 2013)

Alpha said:


> Two years.
> 
> Didn't take any anti-depressants but within the first six months found myself drinking a lot more than I usually do and when I did, would get really bad to the point of blacking out.
> 
> ...


You are right. It had been six months for me since physical separation. But almost a year since we separated yet living in same house. It sucks. I am doing fine most days but regress often. However of they tell you they no longer want you believe it.


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## IronWine29 (Dec 31, 2013)

Have you tried a different antidepressant?

Are you doing any physical activity? How is your nutrition?


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## LBHmidwest (Jan 3, 2014)

Lexapro would be a common one to try. If I understand correctly, it takes 8-9 months for Lexapro to get your seratonin going and the extra receptors your body built destroyed.


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## Juicy (Nov 15, 2011)

Well it's going to be year in April since my stbxh ended our relationship. I still have says where I feel really low and sad, almost depressed. But then I will have good says were I am happy and having fun. 

I think it's ok to let yourself feel sad a bit and cry if you need to, I've always been the type of person to let my emotions out rather than keep it all inside. Don't expect yourself to be happy all the time, I mean I'm not saying be sad but you can let your emotions out and give yourself time. But at the same time make sure you are taking steps in the right direction and are moving on from it all. Try to keep busy with things like work, seeing friends/family and going out to meet new people. I am just trying to keep busy and build a future for myself . I relied so much on my stbxh that I forgot about myself and my career. So I think having a good focus on something will help keep you busy.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Healer (Jun 5, 2013)

Pictureless said:


> Mine lasted 12 years and then we divorced. Feeling fine now!


:rofl:


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## Betrayedone (Jan 1, 2014)

Ceegee said:


> It gets better when you start living again.
> 
> What are you doing to make that happen?


ceegee 3 dates in 3 days.......finally waking up but still have pain....


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## Ceegee (Sep 9, 2012)

Betrayedone said:


> ceegee 3 dates in 3 days.......finally waking up but still have pain....



The dates are fun. They help with self esteem but don't lose focus. 

This is only part of the healing. 

You also need to learn to be alone.

You need to know how to be still. 

Do you know the positives of that pain yet?


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## indiecat (Sep 24, 2012)

Positives of pain?


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## Ceegee (Sep 9, 2012)

indiecat said:


> Positives of pain?


Certainly.

Pain is a great motivator and the best teacher.


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## Honorbound (Nov 19, 2013)

A little over a month for me... this time. The first marriage it was a full year. The only reason it was so short this time is because of all the lessons I learned going through it once before... and, mostly, because of all of the great people here. Lots of great advice, book recommendations, and stories that let me know I was not alone.

It made it much easier to just let go and focus on the one thing I do have control over - me.


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## vandal_xx (Feb 28, 2014)

2 months since she left for me. We are in contact trying to finish up the house and get stuff split. Hurts alot, though I don't want to blow my brains out anymore. Ambien a couple nights a week plus working out keeps me sane. We have to push on... only thing to do.


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## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

indiecat said:


> After your separation? Mine is still going strong after 8 months. I tried antidepressants, no difference. When if ever does it get better?


I have no idea, I wish I knew because I fill like crap everyday.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RSFWID (Jun 5, 2013)

Ceegee said:


> It gets better when you start living again.
> 
> What are you doing to make that happen?


Ceegee, how do you start living again when you're so use to living as a M person. I mean I'm trying learn how to cope with my situation but it is extremely difficult. As of right now I'm going through an in house separation. My stbxw doesn't have a care in the world, she is surrounded by her family. She has a very strong support system and I don't. I am very depressed and embarrassed that I'm even going this. As we speak she on the phone with her friends having a good time and I sitting here looking stupid. How do you really detach yourself from this situation. I really want to overcome these feelings so I can move on.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Ceegee (Sep 9, 2012)

RSFWID said:


> Ceegee, how do you start living again when you're so use to living as a M person. I mean I'm trying learn how to cope with my situation but it is extremely difficult. As of right now I'm going through an in house separation. My stbxw doesn't have a care in the world, she is surrounded by her family. She has a very strong support system and I don't. I am very depressed and embarrassed that I'm even going this. As we speak she on the phone with her friends having a good time and I sitting here looking stupid. How do you really detach yourself from this situation. I really want to overcome these feelings so I can move on.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Put one foot in front if the other. 

Sorry I didn't see this sooner. I hope things are getting a little better. 

Reconnect with old friends. Make new ones. 

You have nothing to be embarrassed about btw. That's all you so you have the power to change that. 

IC was a huge help for me in the early stages. I would go and feel better for about a day. After a few sessions that day would turn into a few days. Then weeks. 

Now, the divorce and my ex barely come up in our sessions except to talk about something stupid she's doing.


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## myfutureisgone (Mar 4, 2014)

I have only been separated for a month, but the depression started when his affair started. It has been getting a little better each day. There are of course worse days and better days. I find that keeping busy is really the best thing I can do. I still cannot imagine a future for myself, but I rarely imagine killing myself anymore.
Baby steps. 
When I am alone, which is frequently right now, I think about things I can do short term to improve my life. Little things, like decorating my new apartment, or unpacking more boxes. What new experiment my next meal is goimg to be. Someday those little short term thoughts will grow into the bigger longer term goals. 
*shrug* not sure if that is helpful. I hope you can break out of it soon. It's not easy.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Feelingsadnlonely (Mar 3, 2014)

Oh gosh, I know exactly how you are feeling.  It's so hard and hurts like hell. This month will be coming up on 3 months since the separation. The only thing for me that makes me feel better is taking care of my 8 month old baby girl. She is what keeps me from staying in bed crying and dwelling on things all day and night. Also, I have a HUGE family who are all very supportive and I am constantly surrounding myself with them. They always try to cheer me up. They make me laugh and always tell me things will get better (and I believe them!). 

I'm also attending IC and that is a huge help. Try to remain positive. I know it's HARD, trust me. Especially when I get that feeling of loneliness and anxiety over the status of my marriage. I feel and get desperate but I cannot do anything about it at this time except to pray, stay positive, and take care of my baby. I wish I had time to read books that help you through this but I just don't have the time right now. I work all day and just barely have time to get on here and type these very words...

Also, get out!! Take a walk, take a drive, go to a park! Just go out of your house and that will make you feel better (it makes me feel better and the baby loves it too!). Hang in there OK? Have HOPE (Hold On Pain Ends). It will someday for you and me


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## indiecat (Sep 24, 2012)

Thanks. Filing the papers is very painful emotionally. Being alone is the worst.


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