# Just venting



## Hardtohandle (Jan 10, 2013)

Just need to vent..
She is moving out in 9 day and she is breaking my balls..

I fvcking can't stand her or honestly her kids.. I just cannot wait for her to fvcking go..

She wanted my dressers.. I gave them to her.
But now she wants to leave stuff here. Last time it cost me 1800 dollar to toss out her garbage.

I told her take your sh!t with you and toss it out at your place..

Nonetheless it becomes a fight back and forth..
She tried to threaten me with bringing another man here.. Basically insinuating that she is with someone else and he is going to help her pack..

Even when she is leaving she is trying to scare me and make me feel insecure. Key word here is TRY..
I told her she doesn't have that kind of weight or control with me.

I told her, have him bring friends so they can help you pack faster..

If your with a man that you just know from a month ago, your piece of sh!t and of loose morals having a guy you barely know come to my home to help you move.
If you knew the guy while we were together it is obvious you were cheating or flirting with him to keep him on the side.. Which makes you a piece of sh!t..
If a man wants to come to the home of your divorcing husband and get involved in this drama he is a piece of sh!t. But again I know men and men will do anything when they are desperate for pvssy..

Nonetheless again I told her so please do bring this man.. It will be a good learning lesson for my boys 16 and 21 to understand what they should not be doing in a relationship and how they shouldn't be getting involved in a relationship like this with a woman whom would ask them this..

Of course no man is now coming..


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

When you last came here talking about your new marriage almost everyone warned you that you weren’t invested enough in the relationship and in fact you were preparing for the worst. 
It seems like you got what you wanted.


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## OnTheFly (Mar 12, 2015)

Hardtohandle said:


> I told her, have him bring friends so they can help you pack faster..


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## Al_Bundy (Mar 14, 2021)

How old were her kids when you met and how old are they now?


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

I hope this time you are able to make it a permanent separation.


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

OP........ LTNS!!! Gotta say....your picker is broken, beyond broken. There are women that you date, but

NEVER marry. She is one of those. Did you ever get around to therapy after your D from five years ago?

You're a good hearted man.... no denying that. But do you feel you like to "rescue" damaged people?

Hurt people......hurt people.

Damaged people.....damage people.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

sorry to hear.
if you can get her the hell out, and her not come back, it might be easier to just kick her out and take care of moving the **** yourself.
There are plenty of colleciton boxes around to drop off clothes.
a lot of towns have thrift stores that take donations, like furntiture or small appliances.
If you are out in the suburbs, you can make a big bonfire in your back yard of her left over ****, and really enjoy seeing it go up in a huge blaze!

But, hindsight being 20/20.....you chose her. for some reason you ignored her faults when you were dating. do not make the same mistake in the future. learn to RECOGNIZE those bad traits in a woman, and stay clear!!!


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## Hardtohandle (Jan 10, 2013)

Al_Bundy said:


> How old were her kids when you met and how old are they now?


My boys were 13 and 9, today they are 21 and 16.. They cannot stand her. My youngest would see **** she would do and tell his mom. 

EG my youngest has seen her hit me. 
yes she put her hands on me a few times and yes I wanted to put her through the wall but had to walk away. Though times she would block my exit.

I can tell you I didn't dislike my Ex wife as much as I dislike her and my Ex wife cheated on me. 

We have broken up or were breaking up in the past and I felt sad.. Today I feel nothing but anxiety and stress she is still here and I know the next 5 days will be painful..


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## Hardtohandle (Jan 10, 2013)

Chuck71 said:


> OP........ LTNS!!! Gotta say....your picker is broken, beyond broken. There are women that you date, but
> 
> NEVER marry. She is one of those. Did you ever get around to therapy after your D from five years ago?
> 
> ...


I will clearly admit I was broken when we met.. I wanted to show my Ex wife that I could find someone else younger and better looking and I did.. Mind you again she is only 6 years younger..

Nonetheless.. I tried counseling and therapy with her. I won't bother you with the details, suffice to say 2 therapist block her number.. The last one told me she ( my STBX ) needs counseling in person and not remote.. Even the last one called her out on getting up during the sessions. Not answering questions not participating. ETC. 


That rescue is part of my Co-dependency... But I have learned.. I lost a lot of money because of her.. 200k over 7-8 months but thank god I am okay. It kills me I lost that money, but I am okay.. 

Next 6 months is working on the house and getting my life back in order.. 
I just hope this gets done quickly and she doesn't try to drag it out. I am busy at work and don't have time for this drama.. But I will make it clear to the judge if it goes the route she tries to take any money.. I need time due to work and get my stuff in order.. 

But I know I will end up taking money from her.. I made it ultra clear. I know I can and I told her if she opens this door I will. If I have to do the homework then I will go after her money.


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## Hardtohandle (Jan 10, 2013)

Talker67 said:


> sorry to hear.
> if you can get her the hell out, and her not come back, it might be easier to just kick her out and take care of moving the **** yourself.
> There are plenty of colleciton boxes around to drop off clothes.
> a lot of towns have thrift stores that take donations, like furntiture or small appliances.
> ...


Wish it was that easy..

But just hope in 5 days she is out and doesn't keep causing drama every day until then. 

I am expecting tons of damage in the house when she moves.. she is like that..


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## Hardtohandle (Jan 10, 2013)

Today Thursday was Utterly ****ing nuts.

She broke the lock to my office.. Basically criminal mischief and a must arrest because domestic. But a Sgt. and a friend of mine on the phone took me off the ledge not to get her arrested because she is moving out Saturday.. 

But when I came home she taunted me like I had not weight to do it. I told her basically STFU and leave me alone or I will do it. That only because a friend told me to let this go because your moving Saturday.. She of course taunted me some more.. I left to go get her arrested.. Then I calmed down and went back home. 
I replaced the lock on my office door. Now is she going nuts breaking my balls.. I took a pot or pan.. I don't even cook.. 
I leave her alone I don't talk to her.. she is just all over the ****ing place.. 
She threaten to again bring some guy over that would upset me. 
Again I told her bring him.. Have him bring friends.. The quicker you pack, the quicker you are out of here.. 

But it is 2 am and she still going at it.. I am just sitting in my office..


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## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

Why don’t you stay in a hotel u til after she moves on Saturday? Put cameras in the house to w sure she isn’t causing damage - and to easily report it if she does.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Hardtohandle said:


> I lost a lot of money because of her.. 200k over 7-8 months but thank god I am okay. It kills me I lost that money, but I am okay..


How did you lose the money?


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Ugh...sorry to hear this. 

This is why I've been squawking at the guys here for years about pushing the younger and hotter thing to stick it to the ex. If you don't prioritize character you may well get ****ty character.

You can still prioritize what you find attractive, character just needs to be equally if not more important.


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## Hardtohandle (Jan 10, 2013)

Beach123 said:


> Why don’t you stay in a hotel u til after she moves on Saturday? Put cameras in the house to w sure she isn’t causing damage - and to easily report it if she does.


I had cameras up... She is out. 



Blondilocks said:


> How did you lose the money?


She got evicted from her apartment, while I was in the middle of buying this home. 
She basically told me if she can't move into my current home, which would require me to ask my tenants to leave, she would get her own apartment and not be moving with me. 
So yea its her narcissist hoop I had to jump through. 
So I asked my tenants to move out. One did another refused so I had to evict.. So between rent loss and lawyers fees 20k gone.. I had to pull all my money from a 401k I had, which was 85k.. With all of that she, she moved in but never moved with me.. She left.. So I had to readjust the home(s) I bought.. That cost me another 80k to 100k.
We reconciled, which means me going to beg her to come back..

I will explain more in a following post.. 



lifeistooshort said:


> Ugh...sorry to hear this.
> 
> This is why I've been squawking at the guys here for years about pushing the younger and hotter thing to stick it to the ex. If you don't prioritize character you may well get ****ty character.
> 
> You can still prioritize what you find attractive, character just needs to be equally if not more important.


Yea more to this in a new post...


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## Hardtohandle (Jan 10, 2013)

So she moved out..

So I knew she was a Narcissist through therapy we went to as a couple. 2 Therapist..
But I didn't understand exactly what it was as that word is tossed around a lot..

Well I have to come out exactly what it is and why I am dealing with these crazy emotions called Trauma Bonding..
At the time I heard this I thought, NYPD Detective.. I have seen and heard it all. Nothing can phase me. I worked child exploitation cases for 9 years.. Seen the worst of the worst.. Ex wife, mother of my kids left me.. I was just about suicidal, I survived that..

For those that have no clue or have a time understanding.. It is like someone telling you your partner is a RL Vampire and that their last partner is in the basement being used as a blood bank. So you go look and you find that exactly out..

Now you know what vampires can do.. You know you can't beat them.. They are faster than you, they can control you, they can turn into mist.. Fly.. You just can't do it solo.. But no one will believe you if you told them.. So what do you do? Do you go beg them for mercy and hope they don't make you into a blood bank or hope they make you a vampire as well ? But you have no other choice..

The reality is you will be a blood bank..

A Narcissist needs a Narcissistic Feed.. Someone they can exploit..
They intentionally look for people with issues.. I have codependency and Trust issues from my Ex wife affair.. She knew this..
So everything revolved around other men and the belief that she could leave at any moment for someone else..

It wasn't until the very end where sex was nonexistent and it was nothing but fights, for me to resent her so much that I didn't want to fvck her anymore for anything the therapist(s) were doing could kick in.. It took 9 years and 6 break ups to get away.

My limit was 2 weeks every time.. Even as we broke up I was having regrets.. As the days went by my anxiety got worse and worse.. By the 2nd weeks I was running around to fix it and beg her to come back and fix this.. She knew this.. This just gave her more control.

But this is the cycle the high and lows.. The punishment and then waiting for the reward..
I knew it I would express it but I just didn't understand it.. Until I started looking things up..
One YouTube video from Lisa Romano on Trauma Bonding has me crying for 20 minutes.. The video was 15 minutes long..

She left January 15..
I have her blocked.. I am not looking to call her or reach out.
*EDIT*- We are also divorced, just waiting on the paperwork but everything is sorted out.

Everything I read is Narcissist do not and cannot love, they just emulate it.. They have no empathy.. Nutshell I was used. Lessons learned in life.. Everything for them is like a negotiation.

I kept telling her, All I was is the house husband.. I am the guy that provides a beautiful home for her and her kids. But she wants nothing else to do with me.. You will fvck me once and a while to keep me quiet and then put me back in your box.. You want me on meds so you can use that as control, so you can dismiss everything away with you telling me take a pill to calm down, that I am having an episode.. Then when I can't fvck anymore due to meds you will go out and have a legit reason to cheat because I can't get it up anymore..

I said that all sort of half A$$ed.. But knowing what I know today.. It was all true.. That was her crazy plan..

I would tell her, You are just pissed because I am smarter than you.. That you with your double masters degree and your teaching license means nothing to a guy like me that makes 300k a year and a 2 million dollar home you live in with a high school diploma that works for a international bank as a cyber security expert.. Instead of being happy and proud of me and propping me up.. You want to keep me down and medicated.. It ain't gonna happen..

If you were the brains in your marriage with your EX I can only imagine how dumb he must be.

I started working out but eventually I start crying out of frustration, pain and sadness.

It is nothing compared to what I went through with the mother of my kids..
As a matter fact we get along excellent.

I am staying out of the dating game for a bit.. I plan on loose 35LBS and get back down to 230LBS, that seemed to be my magic number.. 38 waist and everything off the rack fit good..
Everyone tells me just to date, but I have zero clue how to do that. I only have been in monogamous relationships ( at least on my side ) at 54, 34 years of my life have been 3 relationships of 5, 20 and 9 years..

Once I get to my goal weight and make some changes then I will see what I am going to do. But I want to do a transformation. I need it.

And I also need to fix my dating eyes. I am shallow when it comes to that.

But no friends as great as they are understand this Narcissism, my brother admittingly doesn't understand but accepts what I am saying. But he says it is hard to grasp how someone could this kind of control.

I just started listening to club music.. That was our thing.. We would go out to Nightclubs or Restaurants that turned into clubs after a certain hour. So we would go eat and dance.. That was our high point.. It was the place we would make up... I refuse to have her take that away from me, its the one thing I like and can do here in NYC..

So this is where I am at after almost 10 years.. Back to square one.. But I am not complaining. It was a lesson learned. Only wish I could have learned it sooner or quicker.
Now the fear from the Therapist is her Hoovering me back. Hoovering is exactly that sucking me back.. They come back because again they can have a hard time finding people with issues to exploit so it becomes frustrating for them. Right now just trying to build up my defenses and strengthen the shields.


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