# Advice About Space



## shane86 (Nov 29, 2014)

Hello everyone, 
I am currently going through a convoluted form of separation. I am staying on the 3rd floor in a friends apartment while my wife and son live on the 1st floor. We still live in the same multi family home so that we can easily tend to our son who is 16m. My wife is dealing with a serious case of "i love you but i'm not in love with you". Leading up to this, i was oblivious to the fact that she felt like I was treating her in a way that was less than acceptable to her. I have been the primary source of income for our family for the last 15 months or so and I have been working a ton. Over the course of the last 3 months or so, she has been "testing me" by acting noticeably more upset than normal as she put it to a friend. Now as a man, I am no mind reader and respond much better with direct communication not through body language. I didn't pay much attention to her in regards to how she felt and didn't listen very well. I accept full responsibility for the things that she said I have done and the way that she said that I treated her. 

That being said, I know that their are 2 sides to this story and she did things as well. We are now past the point of pointing out each others flaws and what we did wrong. I'm pointed in the direction of reconciliation and restoration while shes point in the direction of... well... I'm not sure, Space?

She's been asking for space and to be honest I'm not sure what constitutes space to a woman. To me it's when you have absolutely no contact with someone whatsoever. I have asked her what she would consider as space with no real direction. I even got her a really nice hotel room for the weekend in the city where she is right now, but does this constitute as space? I'm trying to detach but its hard when you have so many questions. Each day has been better and better in regards to me asking her questions about us. The past 2 days I haven't said anything about us. 

Also, we are currently in couples therapy initiated by me. She hasn't tried to back out or make an excuse not to go. She has willingly gone every time so thats a good sign right? 

thanks for anything you can send my way guys.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Work on yourself but move back down. She has just as much responsibility for the state of your marriage as you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

P.S. She is probably sh!T testing you and you are failing. Look it up.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## shane86 (Nov 29, 2014)

Conanhub, 
I am definitely trying to work on myself in every way I can think of. I'm also working on backing down. Like I said, it's hard. but I'm definitely trying hard to change my actions but to LISTEN to what she's saying and not just let it go in one ear and out of the other. 

As for sh!t testing, It sure doesn't feel like that. But heck I had never even heard of that before 15 minutes ago.


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## Q tip (Apr 15, 2014)

Space typically means time with OM with you conveniently out of the way. Could this be the case..?

The book married man sex life primer has a lot of info for you.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Giving space is only good to avoid harm. It does nothing to build your marriage up.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

You need to move back into the apartment you are paying for. That is your home as much as it is hers. If she wants to leave to get space, she can leave without your child.

A marriage cannot be fixed if you have little to no contact. All that does is solidify a breakup.

You said that you live in the same multi-family home. But that she's in some other city. Why is she in another city? How long will she be there?

I suggest that you get the book "His Needs, Her Needs". You both would benefit from reading it and doing the work the book suggests.


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