# You work on something, she takes credit



## BeachGuy (Jul 6, 2011)

I suppose this could go both ways but I chose to post it here.

Let's say you decide to do something to spruce up your home. Something requiring a lot of physical labor on your part. We'll take painting for instance. So you pick a color, discuss it with your spouse and head to the paint store and pick up the supplies.

You spend an entire weekend painting (alone). Moving furniture, laying plastic drop cloth, taping baseboards, standing on ladders, laying on the floor, stretching, reaching, twisting, turning...you do a bang up job and in the end it looks awesome.

The next time you have company to your home they comment "Wow! I love the paint job in your living room! It looks great!" To which your spouse, who never lifted a finger to do any of it responds "Oh thank you. We really like it." And just grins and basks in the glory.

Would that make you upset? That they didn't at least even acknowledge you and the hard work you put in to it? You know...maybe a "Yes we really like it and <spouse> worked really hard doing it and did a wonderful job." I know marriage is a shared relationship for both the good and the bad. But if this is an often repeated pattern...would it bother you?


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## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

of course it would bother me A LOT!!!!
The credit goes to who does the job, regardless of who likes the job that is done by someone else.

Liking it and keeping quite about who did it, is UNFAIR to be honest!


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## committed4ever (Nov 13, 2012)

Yesterday at a family gathering one of my inlaws looked at my husband and said "what a gorgeous baby girl! " it didn't bother me a bit that my husband said "thank you". After all he was there for the whole 28 hours even though he didn't do any of the work and she look just like me.


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

Instead of letting it fester like this, why didn't you just say 'Thanks. It took me all weekend but she thinks it's worth it."

Obviously this is bothering you. Now before you go off, think in the past where you might have taken 'credit' for something she did...or a way you might have offended her.

I would note this flaw in my spouse and have suitable comments ready accordingly. It isn't enough to get too worked up over.

Annoying? Yes. Human? Yes.

Just a quick question about the house: how much do YOU clean up around the house, particularly for guests? Dusting, and vacuuming? If you split it, fine. If not...consider that HER end of the contribution of 'how nice the living room looks'. Cause she did something too...just not painting.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Hell yes that would bother me and did. Funny I had a similar painting experience with my x wife. Spent all weekend 12 hours a day for 2 days painting a newly finished basement all by myself. She came down for 30 min, slapped some paint on a wall which I had to redo, then went and made a Facebook post on how hard it was to paint. So I commented on her post later, yeah that whole 30 minutes must have been brutal.......some peoples kids I'll tell ya lol


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## BeachGuy (Jul 6, 2011)

JCD said:


> Instead of letting it fester like this, why didn't you just say 'Thanks. It took me all weekend but she thinks it's worth it."
> 
> Obviously this is bothering you. Now before you go off, think in the past where you might have taken 'credit' for something she did...or a way you might have offended her.
> 
> ...


There's been several incidents like this in the past 20+ years. It's a pattern with her. She never thinks of others before herself. Never. And no, she doesn't work, barely cleans, and doesn't cook. She's never done a single thing I'd want to take credit for.


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

BeachGuy said:


> *There's been several incidents like this in the past 20+ years. * It's a pattern with her. She never thinks of others before herself. Never. And no, she doesn't work, barely cleans, and doesn't cook. She's never done a single thing I'd want to take credit for.


Okay.

That is like the Frog being amazed that the Scorpion stings it.

Dude...you know what she's like. You married her. You stayed with her. D or D. (divorce or deal)


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## BeachGuy (Jul 6, 2011)

JCD said:


> Okay.
> 
> That is like the Frog being amazed that the Scorpion stings it.
> 
> Dude...you know what she's like. You married her. You stayed with her. D or D. (divorce or deal)


What's that got to do with my question? I was just wondering how others felt about it.


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

It is a cruddy thing. But it is a little thing.

I make ALL the money for our house. I work hard for it. So all the nice things we do are 'on me'.

If my wife claimed them...meh. She does a bunch of nice things for me too. She keeps things working at home in difficult conditions. She wants a day in the sun? She can have it.

You sounded surprised and hurt by this. I would think, that after 20 years, you'd have developed a coping mechanism or dealt with it somehow.

Sorry. You were looking for sympathy. Please look at my avatar.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

BeachGuy said:


> You spend an entire weekend painting (alone). Moving furniture, laying plastic drop cloth, taping baseboards, standing on ladders, laying on the floor, stretching, reaching, twisting, turning...you do a bang up job and in the end it looks awesome.
> 
> The next time you have company to your home they comment "Wow! I love the paint job in your living room! It looks great!" To which your spouse, who never lifted a finger to do any of it responds "*Oh thank you. We really like it."* And just grins and basks in the glory.
> 
> Would that make you upset?


Maybe I'm off but I don't see how thanking someone for complimenting a nice home and saying that you really enjoy it as a couple is "taking credit" for your work. :scratchhead:

Seems a bit of an overreaction to get upset about your wife thanking someone for liking your home.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

I agree with above.

I wonder if this is a case of OP never getting enough credit (which it certainly seems).

Or perhaps that his wife doesn't contribute much.

I just feel like there is some deeper resentment here...I could be wrong. But I'm assuming there is a VERY good reason why OP is upset and it's much deeper.


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## VermisciousKnid (Dec 27, 2011)

BeachGuy said:


> I suppose this could go both ways but I chose to post it here.
> 
> Let's say you decide to do something to spruce up your home. Something requiring a lot of physical labor on your part. We'll take painting for instance. So you pick a color, discuss it with your spouse and head to the paint store and pick up the supplies.
> 
> ...


Yes. It's happened to me in the way you describe. I don't really say anything because everyone who knows us knows that my wife isn't capable of doing the type of work that I do. Even with painting she's a complete klutz. 

If it seems like she's minimizing the work I did, I just throw in a brief description that makes it clear what was involved. "I ripped up the floor and the subfloor, jumped in the crawlspace and dug a couple holes for new concrete footings, and installed a couple if steel lally columns under the main beam. Now the floor has no bounce in it at all." That kind of thing. 

What she does claim credit for is some of the planning. Picking paint colors and wallpapers. Buying new furnishings. Fine. Whatever. 

What is more annoying is when she doesn't take stock of the actual work I do. To her the projects are like items on a list - done or not done. To me, one of those projects could have represented all of my free time after work and weekends for a few weeks in sweltering summer heat while she lounged around the house with the A/C on. 

If you add up all of the work that's done around our house, I consistently do more by quite a bit, yet she's under the impression that she's the real workhorse. Very strange. The only time of the year when she's in overdrive is Thanksgiving. That's one week a year where her output is higher.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

She's totally selfish. This is just one more example. Of course it feels bad. 

I thought you had filed for divorce. 



BeachGuy said:


> I suppose this could go both ways but I chose to post it here.
> 
> Let's say you decide to do something to spruce up your home. Something requiring a lot of physical labor on your part. We'll take painting for instance. So you pick a color, discuss it with your spouse and head to the paint store and pick up the supplies.
> 
> ...


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

BeachGuy said:


> I suppose this could go both ways but I chose to post it here.
> 
> Let's say you decide to do something to spruce up your home. Something requiring a lot of physical labor on your part. We'll take painting for instance. So you pick a color, discuss it with your spouse and head to the paint store and pick up the supplies.
> 
> ...


It would infuriate me! It has happened to me but differently. My husband always gives me credit! It was my mother who always assumed it was my husbands work when it was actually mine. 

She would say, "Oh Mr Pink, the lawn looks wonderful, the gardens are beautiful, what a lot of work you did!"

To which my husband would reply, "I didn't do any of it, your daughter did it all and yes it looks great." And then my mother would change the subject. She didn't like being wrong....


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## ocotillo (Oct 17, 2011)

BeachGuy said:


> You spend an entire weekend painting (alone). Moving furniture, laying plastic drop cloth, taping baseboards, standing on ladders, laying on the floor, stretching, reaching, twisting, turning...you do a bang up job and in the end it looks awesome.
> 
> The next time you have company to your home they comment "Wow! I love the paint job in your living room! It looks great!" To which your spouse, who never lifted a finger to do any of it responds "Oh thank you. We really like it." And just grins and basks in the glory.


Are you married to an interior designer? 

Yes, it would make me a little upset, but I'd probably view it as a symptom of a deeper problem.


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## Tmj4477 (May 3, 2014)

Are you more upset that she doesn't contribute AT ALL to the household because if not you're overreacting. allegedly marriage is supposed to be about "us" not "you"


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## sparkyjim (Sep 22, 2012)

I have a hard time believing this ever took place at all...

No woman would let her man pick the color of the paint...


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## Forest (Mar 29, 2014)

Jellybeans said:


> Maybe I'm off but I don't see how thanking someone for complimenting a nice home and saying that you really enjoy it as a couple is "taking credit" for your work. :scratchhead:
> 
> Seems a bit of an overreaction to get upset about your wife thanking someone for liking your home.


When it comes to something like this painting example, the wife's actions wouldn't bother me at all. Most people will likely know who did all the work. Women love to feel like they are gifted decorators when it comes to their home.

And like the above poster, I think I've only once picked out a paint color. Then it had to be approved by The Committee.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

BeachGuy said:


> The next time you have company to your home they comment "Wow! I love the paint job in your living room! It looks great!" To which your spouse, who never lifted a finger to do any of it responds "Oh thank you. We really like it." And just grins and basks in the glory.


:scratchhead:

That wouldn't bother me, not unless she goes "I did this and that" - or doesn't show appreciation for your work. 
Your wife in that example was simply accepting a compliment. However, this is out of context, I don't know the whole story.



committed4ever said:


> Yesterday at a family gathering one of my inlaws looked at my husband and said "what a gorgeous baby girl! " it didn't bother me a bit that my husband said "thank you". After all he was there for the whole 28 hours even though he didn't do any of the work and she look just like me.


Hate to admit it but I'll have to go with committed4ever on this one.


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