# My wife's oral sex enthusiasm



## cone (Aug 6, 2008)

I am easy to please as a husband, I really have very few "needs" that I relate in a way that I ask myself "ok, she isnt doing this so has her feelings changed for me?" One is oral sex.

In the past she could not wait to perform oral on me, she said "you cum first, always", and would go at it like was dying of thirst for me. Now, two years later, it is very rare. She will be happy about something I have done for her and say "your going to get some tonight" but it is always just normal intercourse, dont get me worng, I LOVE making love with her in every way, but sometimes I want her to perform oral, it shows me she is truly "giving" me something that makes me feel loved.

My questions are, are there certain times of the month, like close to her period where she just wants to be held and made love to? meaning during these times she is much less likely to perform oral on me? 

Also, if she is stressed, or trying to get over some minor rough times in our marriage, will that also make her more ok with with regular sex over oral?

And just for the record, I LOVE making love to her orally and she loves it when I do, I bring her to orgasm over and over. That is, when she lets me, she seems to be very self conscience now about her weight, etc. Thinks her tummy is too big, etc. She is as fine and sexy a woman as I have ever seen and I let her know this, doesnt seem to help. She has only gained a few pounds, she went from a size 2 to a 4-6, she looks BETTER to me!

So, the ultimate question, am I being too sensitive about this blow job situation? Do I need just relax, not worry about it and contnue to make her feel more confident in our relationship and the enthusiasm about sucking my **** will come back? 

Also, am I normal to think this way? or am I just being selfish?

I ask alot of questions, but I want to be what my wife needs in every way.


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## humpty dumpty (Nov 26, 2008)

There are definately times in the month that women want more sex , i think what you need to make sure is that hygienie levels are high and when she does give you a blo job make sure you tell her just how much she turns you on and how good it feels !!

your not selfish , maybe you just have to communicate about how much you enjoy her giving you a blo job


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## marina72 (Dec 29, 2008)

humpty is right... it's not selfish to want a blow job.

I would guess that her reluctance to give you oral, which is , to some people, something that takes more lightened inhibition, and is therefore more sexually adventurous, might have something to do with her self esteem...

You say she's gained a bit of weight. My Gosh... from a 2 to a 4/6... LOL.. sounds like she is still pretty skinny. I am a size 8.. and not a heavy girl. It's a shame she thinks that too big.

well, if she is feeling self conscious, then it might be making her feel uneasy about getting down on her knees, to do you orally, because that is in a sense, a whole lot more of a "vulnerable" sexual position to be in. And even though she used to love it, it could be that now, she is not feeling pretty, and so she can't let that inhibition go, and just go down on you. I don't know, just trying to figure out what could be making her feel uneasy about it.

As humpty said, make sure you're very clean, and shaving your balls never hurt either! I will give my hubby'sballs a little suck, but not if they are so hairy it's like kissing a goat! LOL...
sorry for the bluntness.. we are adults though.

Well, try telling her that she is the best you've ever had, in terms of blow jobs... tell her she drives you wild when she gives you oral. Really praise her, and let her know how much you love it, and maybe she will take the hint? 

Also, tell her over and over that she's one sexy woman! I am sure you already do. Try asking her to dress up. Tell her you love her body and want to see her in a neglige.... even buy her one, if you know for sure her size.

Ask her to blow you in the car... while you're driving somewhere... be more sexually adventurous, and then maybe she'll get the bug and feel adventurous too.

I hope this helps?

BTW, women are usually more sexually charged around the time of ovulation. This varies, but it's usually about 2 weeks, give or take, after the first day of her period, and two weeks Before the start of her next one...

make sure you're using birth control, as it's the prime time to get preggers... if you don't want kids yet.


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

cone-

Hello again 

You need to step back and look at the bigger picture. Most women these days will give oral to a man they are hot for. But when the physical attraction starts to wane, oral and all sort of other things go out the window. Of course they will make excuses, and say it's because they're a mother now, or only newbies do that etc., but that's just a smoke screen. 

The real honest to God reason is usually a matter of attraction. If she thought of you as a red-hot guy, she would be doing you.

Now, that is not to say that her weight-gain, and self esteem issues don't play a part, of course they do. But what I'm saying is that one or both of you has allowed your marriage to lose it's passion.

There is a whole check-list of stuff to measure yourself against, before you need to start looking at more drastic measures. Here is the list.

Are you in good shape for your age
Are your teeth OK
Is she resentful about anything you do, or (do not do).
Do you lack backbone.
Do you give her, her own way too often
Do you know how to speak her romantic language

Some women need a feeling of danger and excitement to stay attracted to a man. Others are looking for a hero. Whatever her sexual fingerprint is, if you can intuit it, you can send out the signals to turn her back on. But the chances are, you are not able to do this automatically, by default as it were. It's something that has to be put together - unfortunately.

So my question to you is, does she act like she is actually attracted to you?


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## cone (Aug 6, 2008)

I am aware of my past errors and have been working on that with success, she is "coming back around", I know that takes time and I know I am in the middle of that restoration period. We have actually made great headway. I have stopped responding negatively to her mood changes and un-reasonable behavior, it has made a world of difference. When I talk about the way I respond, I mean I give the correct balance of letting it roll off and also not letting her roll over me. Her treatment of me has improved and so has her desire for me, but the oral has not caught up yet, so I am asking these questions to figure out why. My questions this time were about how her mood, emotional state or hormone levels affected the desire to give oral sex. Not how to make her want to. I am trying to discern the difference between her not doing it due to our past or due to natural causes. 




MarkTwain said:


> cone-
> 
> Hello again
> 
> ...


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

cone said:


> I am trying to discern the difference between her not doing it due to our past or due to natural causes.


It is both... in that you became less attractive to her for various reasons in the past, and... you can use nature to help you. 9-12 days after the start of her last period she will be more horny. However, sometimes the increased hormone levels can make a woman both horny and crabby! This is where the skills you mentioned above will come in handy. I read somwhere that the one of the male's roles is to "bounce" the woman out of her moods. This is best done with humour and playful flirting. If she acts crabby just before ovulation, don't let that sour the mood - bounce her out of it, and you will be her hero. Women want to be saved from themselves - we all do.


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## cone (Aug 6, 2008)

I forgot to address the rest of your response.


Are you in good shape for your age
Yes, I am, I am 45 and I look 35, 6'4" muscular. 

Are your teeth OK
Yes, never had a cavity in my life, no problems here.

Is she resentful about anything you do, or (do not do).
Just our past fights, she feels as guilty about her behavior as she is resentful towards mine. She expected a fairy tale, I warned there would not be one. couples fight. our baggage made us fight more than we should have. We were yelling at each other but the words and anger were really directed at our ex's, we have learned to keep such things out of our fights, or at least I have.
She also worries about money, things have been tight. I have had some great financial successes recently and have shown her the family will be taken care of no matter what. Not that I failed in that area at all, she just worries about these things more than average. 

Do you lack backbone.
No, but her perception has somehow been skewed in the past. I have made sure she sees that I do have backbone and nothing is left to incorrect interpretation.

Do you give her, her own way too often
Yes! I probably do! but not when she gets un-reasonable. I dont let her roll over me.

Do you know how to speak her romantic language
Yes I was blind sided by this. Before marriage she said it and it seemed that her languages were words and touch, well I have realized they are acts and time. So I have followed suit. I just wished she would understand that mine are still words and touch! To hell with a clean house! touch my balls every once in a while! LOL




MarkTwain said:


> cone-
> 
> 
> Are you in good shape for your age
> ...


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## cone (Aug 6, 2008)

I have been able to do that more often than not lately, "bounce her out" if only by ignoring her fussy mood and her noticing that it is ok now to be that way without me acting like it bothers me. I also use humor as you said, especially when it looks like she is being overly un-reasonable and may be trying to pick a fight. 

I think she needs a hero. I have definately been that lately. 

As I said, she's been coming around, but the oral has not caught up so I needed more understanding about that. I kind of wanted the ladies to chime in more about that. Like, does it take more for a woman to want to do that over regular intercourse? Is that a more "submissive" act so do you have to feel MORE safe and secure in your relationship? or is it purely an attraction thing like Mark is saying?




MarkTwain said:


> It is both... in that you became less attractive to her for various reasons in the past, and... you can use nature to help you. 9-12 days after the start of her last period she will be more horny. However, sometimes the increased hormone levels can make a woman both horny and crabby! This is where the skills you mentioned above will come in handy. I read somwhere that the one of the male's roles is to "bounce" the woman out of her moods. This is best done with humour and playful flirting. If she acts crabby just before ovulation, don't let that sour the mood - bounce her out of it, and you will be her hero. Women want to be saved from themselves - we all do.


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## marina72 (Dec 29, 2008)

cone..

yes.. to answer your question. women can and will forgoe the oral sex on their man, if they feel very unconfident in their body image... but , just plain jane, missionary sex, with the lights off... I guess that is less of a vulnerable position to be put in.

But... the main reason, for me at least.. that I'd stop giving my man oral.... is if he's hurt me, or I'm resentful in some way. This is because it is most definitely a very sexually intimate act. And when you're upset, or hurt with your spouse, the last thing you wanna do is suck his , well you know...


Example... my ex husband, after we married , became abusive,,, you bet your arse I wasn't gonna be giving him head very often after that.

Even when he was just mean to me, even if he was not physically violent, the Last thing on my mind was pleasing him...

I am Not saying at all that you have done these things to your wife... so please don't get me wrong. 

But, to me, one of the main things that can make a woman not want to give her man head, is hurt, anger, resentment... that kind of thing. If there are unresolved issues in the marriage, then she may not be as open to doing that. 
So, in a sense, it is an attraction issue, maybe if there are unresolved issues, it is not that she is not attracted to you physically,,, but emotionally, and so she is holding back, till she feels like things are finally better....

hope this helped.


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## cone (Aug 6, 2008)

Yes, it did help, thank you. 



marina72 said:


> cone..
> 
> yes.. to answer your question. women can and will forgoe the oral sex on their man, if they feel very unconfident in their body image... but , just plain jane, missionary sex, with the lights off... I guess that is less of a vulnerable position to be put in.
> 
> ...


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## marina72 (Dec 29, 2008)

I'm glad I could help. I think you're on the right track,, it could be just as you said earlier, that she's not at that point yet, where she feels totally open. And maybe once whatever issues are resolved in her mind, for a while, then she might open back up fully, and be more open to more adventurous sexual things, and also the oral thing.

Don't let her use it as a weapon though. She also has to be reasonable.. and all couples will fight, even if things are great for a while... arguing is normal.. and the making up, can be so fun! 

Just give her some time, I think the oral will catch up eventually. If in a couple weeks.. or however long you feel it's been, or if it's been long enough where you are truly concerned, then just gently bring up the subject, and start it off with "you know, you give me the most amazing head" , that kind of thing... so that she feels good about the converstaion ahead, and knows you only want that part back, because it's so nice, to have that close of a sexual act with her.... and of course because men love it! ;-)


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## martino (May 12, 2008)

Maybe this will help you. I believe that most women do not enjoy giving head. Probably 7 out of 10 if not 8 or 9. I've been with women in the past that loved everything about it, the control, the sensation, everything. 

My wife was one of those and still is, but I figured out over years to keep myself clean and shaved, say things like: "When you are in the right frame of mind I would love a bj" (usually happened within a day) Then when I got it I learned to never criticize her but definitely moan and show pleasure when she did just a little better, (deeper) then the next time was a little better (deeper) and I would groan even more and shake even though I was exaggerating a little  Then give her verbal feedback, thank you. Then as soon as we were done I would offer to get her something, or rub her neck, go down on her, whatever she wanted. Never get one and pull your pants up and go about your business...not cool.


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## marina72 (Dec 29, 2008)

I must be one of the 3 out of 10 that love it...


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## martino (May 12, 2008)

Oh your lucky husband Marina!!


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## cone (Aug 6, 2008)

Actually, my wife is the category of loving it. Back before we married, we didn't see each other but once a month. As soon as we got alone, she went straight for it, insisted that the first thing she wanted was to taste my cum and swallow so she could have me inside her all day. It was this way even after marriage, she would push me into the bedroom when I got home from work and suck me dry. I could see her tear up a little when I came, she told me she would get emotional becuase she felt so close to me when I would cum in her mouth. That was before the fighting started, it has gradually tapered off ... she still does it, but it is more rare and the conditions have to be right. It's like she wont really go out of her way to make it happen much anymore. Now, she will say things like "if I wasnt so tired" or "if I wasnt on my period we would do it(normal sex)"... it bothers me becuase Im thinking why cant she suck it? it's like she doesnt even think about it. She knows thats important to me, but its like she doesnt care. She could at least say "I would suck your **** but Im tired" she doesnt even include it as an option. and no, I cant mention it or I get "your not happy unless Im sucking your ****! thats all you want! doesnt it feel good inside me!?".... There are some un-reasonable emotions always floating around I have to be cautious of. She has been quite hormonal, some have suggested pre-menopause or the pill causing it. I am getting a vasectomy next week to get her off the pill. Maybe that will also help.


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## marina72 (Dec 29, 2008)

haha! I am the kind, that will just tear open his pants and give him head while he's watching TV, no reciprocation needed for me,, I do really love doing it. Plus , he smells nice, and shaves down there, that helps too. I not only love doing it, but seeing him filled with pleasure, turns me on even more and makes me feel fulfilled, knowing I am making him feel good. :smthumbup:


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## martino (May 12, 2008)

Ladies, read her reply over and over again.


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## reidqa (Mar 25, 2009)

Marina,

OK, just adjusted my pace maker


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## cone (Aug 6, 2008)

Did someone here call my wife?

We were sitting on the couch watching tv last night and she started carressing me, when I got hard she said "lets go" (meaning go to the bedroom), She gave me the best blow job I have ever gotten. 

Guess I need to keep doing what I'm doing!


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## Fritz (Apr 3, 2009)

My wife was the same way until menopause.


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