# It really sucks when....



## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

you start to feel good about someone, you feel like there is a spark, a connection there and then they call you up and say they don't want to see anymore because they just don't feel anything for you......................yeah, I just got dumped again.........guess I really am worthless.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

AppleDucklings said:


> you start to feel good about someone, you feel like there is a spark, a connection there and then they call you up and say they don't want to see anymore because they just don't feel anything for you......................yeah, I just got dumped again.........guess I really am worthless.



I had two molar extractions performed today. The infection had set in and those two bad boys had to come out. Do you think I should go out to a restaurant an order a big juicy, one inch steak with all the side orders to go with it? No. Instead I'm on a diet of yogurt and assorted baby food for the next few days

Are you worthless? of course not. 

What you've just experienced is what I feared would happened from a rebound relationship and the reason I started that cautionary thread about rebound relationships a few months ago.

I am truly sorry that you are going through this pain but now you understand why the need to emotionally heal first between relationships is a must.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

1) you're definitely not worthless.
2) I think that happens to a lot of people - not me because I was always too shy and timid to actually let women I was interested in know it so I missed out on a lot of dates, I've only ever had two relationships in my life (though with each one there was a lot of chemistry)... while I haven't missed out on being "dumped" much (the first was a mutual breakup, second one to my stbxw has been devastating). A certain saying comes to mind, the one about its better to have loved and lost than not loved at all... I only wish I could have been dumped as many times as you think you have!


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

still the feelings of worthlessness and being completely pathetic are there. I thought this was something more than a rebound because he was a former BF of mine from the past. I thought that his coming back into my life must have been fate, must have meant something. I was the one who did him wrong last time and that was my un-doing tonight. He says that would always be in the back of his mind. He says he tried to move past that but he couldnt. I told him I was so sorry. He says he wanted to give us a go but that whatever spark he had felt for me last time, did not exist anymore  I feel so bad. I feel like I just crashed into a wall going 100 mph.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

AppleDucklings said:


> ...I was the one who did him wrong last time and that was my un-doing tonight. He says that would always be in the back of his mind. He says he tried to move past that but he couldnt. I told him I was so sorry. He says he wanted to give us a go but that whatever spark he had felt for me last time, did not exist anymore .


Sorry if this sounds cold, but to me it seems like the perfect rebound guy - you got to get out there with someone that obviously needed closure for the first miss, rebounds often don't work out very good, too much baggage and really what has changed about him that you wouldn't do him wrong again? He gets to have his peace, you righted your wrong, you got the first attempt at rebounding behind you so are that much further ahead on your love life's journey, you can learn something from this too, but definitely don't feel like you are inadequate because this wasn't a new relationship this was something you simply needed to revisit and if he truly thought you were worthless he certainly wouldn't have tried another go with you.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

AD,

From your posts I sense a woman with so much love to give that many men out there would give their right testicle to be the lucky one to win your heart. You may not think this is the case but believe me - as a man - *I KNOW SO*.


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

morituri said:


> AD,
> 
> From your posts I sense a woman with so much love to give that many men out there would give their right testicle to be the lucky one to win your heart. You may not think this is the case but believe me - as a man - *I KNOW SO*.


Thank you, Morituri.


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## ing (Mar 26, 2011)

morituri said:


> AD,
> 
> From your posts I sense a woman with so much love to give that many men out there would give their right testicle to be the lucky one to win your heart. You may not think this is the case but believe me - as a man - *I KNOW SO*.


:iagree::iagree::iagree:


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## reindeer (Mar 24, 2011)

Apple you certainly are not worthless. i had been seeing that you were having some nice times with this man, but was a bit worried, and had nothing to add to wahat other people were saying in the way of being cautious.

I also understand despite what the sensible side of you thinks, those feelings will be inside of you, worthless etc . You are still very bruised and hurting from your past marriage, and the wounds need to heal, and you need to value yourself, and understand that you are not a pathetic and worthless person.

I am struggling with that at present-so i do know.

On a positive, this man talked the reasons through with you, gave you reasons you can relate to. He respected you, and did not use you. This is a good ending - if you can try and see it in that way. I do understand your dissappointment though. Hugs


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## Numb-badger (May 18, 2011)

reindeer said:


> Apple you certainly are not worthless.
> You are still very bruised and hurting from your past marriage, and the wounds need to heal, and you need to value yourself, and understand that you are not a pathetic and worthless person.
> He respected you, and did not use you. This is a good ending - if you can try and see it in that way. I do understand your dissappointment though. Hugs


:iagree: :iagree: :iagree:


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

He was the only man besides my exH who I ever felt anything for. I had convinced myself that it must have been fate for him to come back into my life. I got excited. Maybe too excited. I did sleep ok last night. Today I feel numb. My whole body has the aches and Ive no motivation to do anything although I need to get things done.
My ex didnt want me, he didnt want me. It makes you look at yourself and makes you wonder what the hell is wrong with you. It makes you feel worthless. You all talk about healing. You are right, I never healed. I tried to fix a broken bone with a band-aid. It's not even been one month since the divorce yet. My wounds are still very deep. How do I heal though? I really dont know. I feel so depressed. I feel like I will never be better, I feel like I will never matter to anyone. It's like I am a lost cause. How do you pick yourself back up? How do you find the strength to go on another day?
Here in 2 weeks, I am going on a motorcycle ride across the beautiful state of Iowa. I am going to enjoy the open road. I'm going to release all my troubles somewhere in the cornfields. A day to forget about life's problems.


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## sammy3 (Jun 5, 2011)

YES !!! Think of yourself and heal yourself first... You can't be there for others if you aren't there for yourself first. It is getting there that is the most difficult... 

Look back at how far you have come, look at us newbies and how far we have to travel yet, to get to where you are. Do for yourself what you tell us... 

The only relationship you need to be involved in for a while is with yourself, (and if you have children.)

Stay free, learn for yourself now, all things come in time. We just have to believe it. 

~sammy


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## TotoWeRNotInKansasAnymore (Apr 7, 2011)

Laying the first stone in the path to relationships after divorce is the toughest. The others get easier. He was interested and others will be as well. You are more than worthy of a good man. The bigger question is, which man out there will be worthy and lucky enough to receive all you have to give?


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

I've not felt good at all today. I had a birthday party for one of my daughter's friends to attend today. I put on my fake happy face and made the most of the day. I feel like a walking zombie, alive but not really. Nothing seems real at this time. I've lost my appetite, I've not ate since I got that call last night (been over 24 hours now) I do this though when I am stressed, I wont eat. I lost 30 lbs in a month before from stress. I am so tired. It's like all my energy has been sucked right out of me. I am not functioning at all. No housework done today, I still have a homework assignment for one of my college courses that needs to be done. All around me I see happy couples so in love. I just want to give them all the finger.


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## biggu5 (Jun 20, 2011)

AD - We all go through self doubt when "rejected". My first wife cheated repeatedly on me with men that I wouldn't consider anything except convenient. My second wife is dating a man that is 15 years older than her. I used to continually compare myself to these people and wonder why I wasn't good enough. Well you know what? We are good enough  I am currently going the healing and grieving process of my 13 year relationship and will look to females for companionship and advice but absolutely no relationship. Find a professional (counselor, pastor, etc.) if you haven't done so and I highly recommend "Codependant No More" which I just finished. It really dives into taking care of yourself and being true and OK with your feelings. Hang in there.


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## LonelyNLost (Dec 11, 2010)

Apple, you'll be fine, you KNOW you aren't worthless.  

I think what you need is a fresh start. Hopefully that was a rebound and you've got it out of your system. Take some time for you, and slowly move forward with someone new. Go meet some people. Be YOU!


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

LonelyNLost said:


> Apple, you'll be fine, you KNOW you aren't worthless.
> 
> I think what you need is a fresh start. Hopefully that was a rebound and you've got it out of your system. Take some time for you, and slowly move forward with someone new. Go meet some people. Be YOU!


No, he is not out of my system yet. I really liked him alot. I think though I put way more hope into it than I should have. I still feel very depressed. I've been rejected twice now within the past 4 months. He wasn't a rebound for me, he was someone had high hopes to have a future with. I'm going through the pain of rejection all over again. That feeling of what the hell is wrong with me?


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## 2xloser (May 8, 2011)

(((YOU)))
(((ARE *NOT*)))
(((WORTHLESS!!!!!!)))
...not by any stretch of the imagination.

I believe this ex-bf x2 did you a favor. He's given you the time & freedom you still need to heal yourself, to avoid a rebound relationship going too far, too fast (remember my counsel early on - take it slow; you were ripe to jump too far, too fast...) 

Yes, it is hard at this stage - but you will be better, stronger, smarter for it. There is no "fate". There is the freedom, power, and knowledge of being with the right person when the time, circumstances, and situation allows for that person to prove and demonstrate to you that they are worth your time, effort, emotions, and ultimately your heart. 

That heart is clearly worth having, and some lucky man will see that and work to obtain it. That will be the right man. Until then, you have every right to guard that heart with a passion.

P.S.: Remember, with all those couples that appear "so in love" -- statistically, more than half of them involve a cheater at some point... I'd rather be alone than involved-but-in-doubt


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

AppleDucklings said:


> ...It makes you look at yourself and makes you wonder what the hell is wrong with you. It makes you feel worthless...


I too understand this, on Saturday I was driving with my son away from the park, it was a super busy day and there were many attractive women, moms my age - the kind of women I can see myself meeting (and am genuinely attracted to), I'm barely even interested in younger girls, I just feel like I'm past my prime, but I see all these beautiful women with their kids and they are all spoken for. Heading home it was hitting me so hard how lonely I was and feeling totally hopeless that I'd actually meet the kind of woman I really want to, not just that they aren't there but that I'm too much of a loser to even get their attention or respect. It was hitting me real hard - I was writing the suicide note in my head, and for once it was not that I wanted to lay guilt on my stbx or anyone else, just that I completely wanted to withdraw from the living. It is slightly better today but was a lonely and exhausting weekend for me. I hope it gets better, don't really see how it will though because I find myself down here all too often, have my whole life.


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

Lon said:


> I too understand this, on Saturday I was driving with my son away from the park, it was a super busy day and there were many attractive women, moms my age - the kind of women I can see myself meeting (and am genuinely attracted to), I'm barely even interested in younger girls, I just feel like I'm past my prime, but I see all these beautiful women with their kids and they are all spoken for. Heading home it was hitting me so hard how lonely I was and feeling totally hopeless that I'd actually meet the kind of woman I really want to, not just that they aren't there but that I'm too much of a loser to even get their attention or respect. It was hitting me real hard - I was writing the suicide note in my head, and for once it was not that I wanted to lay guilt on my stbx or anyone else, just that I completely wanted to withdraw from the living. It is slightly better today but was a lonely and exhausting weekend for me. I hope it gets better, don't really see how it will though because I find myself down here all too often, have my whole life.


Many of my friends and family member all have what appears to be happy marriages. They will brag about their spouses on their FB statuses, saying what a wonderful person their spouse is. I am happy for them but at the same time I cant help but to think negatively because why can't I have that too? The incredible void I have in my life right now is so big I cant even see across to the other side.


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## 2xloser (May 8, 2011)

AppleDucklings said:


> They will brag about their spouses on their FB statuses, saying what a wonderful person their spouse is.


Reminds me of a disgusting 'discovery' as I traced back events of my wife's A... one day there was a FB posted status about how she loved her life, enjoyed hearing my son and I giggling in the next room... the next day I know she was making out with the OM. Just saying, don't take everything at face(book) value! hang in there... this time will pass.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Apple, this guy just did you a favor.

You are nowhere near ready to be dating anyone. You are barely divorced 3 weeks. He may have thought you were acting too needy if you wanted some big relationship and were barely divorced.

I see it as a good thing that he ended it because you need to heal now and not focus on jumping from a divorce to a new relationship. 

Focus on you.


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

2xloser said:


> Reminds me of a disgusting 'discovery' as I traced back events of my wife's A... one day there was a FB posted status about how she loved her life, enjoyed hearing my son and I giggling in the next room... the next day I know she was making out with the OM. Just saying, don't take everything at face(book) value! hang in there... this time will pass.


this is true. I recall my exH posting on his FB status one day about how proud he was of me when I graduated college, little did I or anyone else know at the time that he was in the midst of a full blown affair.


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> Apple, this guy just did you a favor.
> 
> You are nowhere near ready to be dating anyone. You are barely divorced 3 weeks. He may have thought you were acting too needy if you wanted some big relationship and were barely divorced.
> 
> ...


I have had a few of my friends tell me to get out there and start dating but I told them no. I'm not ready for another rejection. It would probably kill me at this point. I am going to focus on me right now. The personal goal Ive given myself is weight loss. I've been using exercise to keep myself busy.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

People who tell you to "get out there and start dating" when you haven't even healed from your divorce are giving you terrible advice.

Exercise is a great idea.


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

Yeah, I'm hoping exercise and losing weight will help me to not only look sexy again (I'm not a fatty mcfatty but I could stand to lose a few pounds) but it will also help boost my self esteem because right now I still feel so worthless. I feel devalued, like I was discarded as if I was yesterday's trash, never to be thought of again.


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## Numb-badger (May 18, 2011)

Hey, I've bin there 
bin
Geddit ?


Wish you the best


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

Numb-badger said:


> Hey, I've bin there
> bin
> Geddit ?
> 
> ...


LOL, yes in the trash bin


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