# He doesnt Trust me..



## amberlynn (May 24, 2009)

I recently made a post in the private forms.. thought everything was going smoothly, we worked thru the issues with my DH's mom.. but for some reason today, he comes out the blue and says he doesn't trust me. Yes, I admit, we have had trust issues in the past, but after all we have been thru, the struggles and hard times, I figured he would at least have a little ounce of trust in me. I've been good to him, cut off all contact with anyone that could easily influence me into an emotional affair. I admit, it's happened in the past, never once has there been a sexual affair.. just emotional, and most of the reasons for it was not being happy at home, not being treated the way a wife should be treated, and I know, that's no excuse. But, like I said, it happened in the past. Here we are 3 years down the road, and he's still holding it against me. What can I do to show him I've changed and put it all behind me? I honestly don't see a need in there being a marriage if there isn't any trust. What would be the point? I've tried working with him, I've changed for the better, yet, he doest seem to see it. What's the next step?


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

quite frankly you've been through a huge ordeal with his mom and his ridiculous behavior the last few months. i think you need to take an emotional vacation from him, if that's possible. So what if he doesnt trust you. I dont really trust my H either, but that doesnt stop us from being friends and being nice to each other. I can not trust my H but still respect that he's human and has needs. I think your H is incredibly emotional immature and needs to deal with some of his own emotions for awhile. If he doesnt trust you, so what. You need a break from all this drama.


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## amberlynn (May 24, 2009)

Blanca said:


> quite frankly you've been through a huge ordeal with his mom and his ridiculous behavior the last few months. i think you need to take an emotional vacation from him, if that's possible. So what if he doesnt trust you. I dont really trust my H either, but that doesnt stop us from being friends and being nice to each other. I can not trust my H but still respect that he's human and has needs. I think your H is incredibly emotional immature and needs to deal with some of his own emotions for awhile. If he doesnt trust you, so what. You need a break from all this drama.


A vacation would be wonderful... time away from all of it.. but if i even mention leaving for a few days, he'll blow up at me.. claim im hiding something... which im not..


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## LadyOfTheHouse (Jul 9, 2010)

amberlynn said:


> I've been good to him, cut off all contact with anyone that could easily influence me into an emotional affair. I admit, it's happened in the past, never once has there been a sexual affair.. just emotional, and most of the reasons for it was not being happy at home, not being treated the way a wife should be treated, and I know, that's no excuse. But, like I said, it happened in the past. Here we are 3 years down the road, and he's still holding it against me. What can I do to show him I've changed and put it all behind me? I honestly don't see a need in there being a marriage if there isn't any trust. What would be the point? I've tried working with him, I've changed for the better, yet, he doest seem to see it. What's the next step?


AL, i'm brand-new and don't yet have access to the privvate forums, so i don't know the whole situation--these questions may be totally redundant.
-does DH have access to your phone, email, and other correspondence? 
-can he check up on you without feeling controlling or suspicious? (i.e., do you show your openness by, say, asking him to answer yout phone while you're in the shower, or check your email for you while he's online?)
-is H doing his part to keep you satisfied WITHIN your marriage? 
AL, here's my thinking: your H may be immature as other posters have suggested, but bottom line is, he's your husband, you've chosen to stay married to him for a reason, and if he's feeling INSECURE, it doesn't need to be justifiable to be legitimate. basically, if you want to win his trust back, you've got to respect the boundaries HE feels comfortable with.

i'm a former adulteress myself. as in proper, crossed-the-line, PHYSICAL cheating. the same things i felt i was missing from my husband before i cheated, i'm still missing now. difference is, NOW i feel i have no right to ask him for anything or it'll be perceived as: "...and that's why i cheated." or, "...and that's what you have to give me to prevent me from cheating.

you probably deserve a vacation. but if you and DH were so ahppy together that you wouldn't want to take a vacay without him, how cool would that be? 

it would be a really sweet gesture to tell him, "you know what, i really wanted to go, but not if it makes you nervous. what do you say you and i go somewhere together instead?" and it could be a huge step towards rebuilding his trust. if he gets back to the point where he trusts you implicitly, you'll see less insecure and seemingly immature behavior.

again, i don't have the whole story. just sayin. best of luck, AL!


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## amberlynn (May 24, 2009)

LadyOfTheHouse said:


> AL, i'm brand-new and don't yet have access to the privvate forums, so i don't know the whole situation--these questions may be totally redundant.
> -does DH have access to your phone, email, and other correspondence?
> -can he check up on you without feeling controlling or suspicious? (i.e., do you show your openness by, say, asking him to answer yout phone while you're in the shower, or check your email for you while he's online?)
> -is H doing his part to keep you satisfied WITHIN your marriage?
> ...


He has access to everything I own. All my passwords are saved to where Im automatically logged into myspace, facebook, email, even here.. My phone is programmed to say who's calling when it rings.. I dont have txt messaging, so that's not an issue. What really got next to me is yesterday, he says Im gonna have to borrow $20 from either my mom or my Grandma to pay for the last part of my GED test cause he's taking his mom to play Bingo Monday night. His mom comes first, always have and she always will. Only reason Im still here is for my kid. I dont wanna put him thru it. I know it sounds selfish, but it's true. I've tried working things out with him. He did take me to see a movie yesterday, haven't done that in a long time, but not once did he touch me... not even as much as hold my hand... This form isn't big enough for me to type out everything thats been going on.. I feel like Im trapped in a box.. When I try to explain how I feel to him, he gets mad and starts yelling and throwing things... So talking to him about this is out the question..


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