# Oral Sex



## Crushed&Confused (Mar 18, 2011)

Another concern of mine is when me and my fiance had an active sex life he loved to perform oral sex on me. It was awesome and he did it every time we had sex! 

However he didn't let me perform it on him he states it does nothing for him, I would do it to him during a position change and he would go from hard to semi hard fast. I love to perform it I find it to be kinky and a major turn on for myself. 

I don't know if it's that im awful at it but my ex-husband Loved when I did it to him I had even gotten him off that way.

Is it normal for men to not be into oral sex or could he just be trying to protect my feelings?


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

Not normal for men to consistently refuse oral sex.

Also - not real easy to be "bad" at it unless you aren't being careful with your teeth. But x-H probably would have mentioned that before.

Its probably some kind of issue with him. Any ideas?


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## Jones (Sep 15, 2010)

ive never met a guy that didn't like it.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

It may be some psychological thing associated with past abuse.

Those tend to be touchy subjects, but if you can get to the bottom of it with him/and a counselor, the reward would be huge in terms of intimacy and trust.


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## Troyman (Mar 13, 2011)

Everybody is differnt. I love it when my wife does it to me, which is not very often, but I have never been able to finish that way. 

I would not worry about it. Just everyonce in a while give it another try. Over time he might change his mind.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

I'm with Troyman... I enjoy receiving oral sex, but it's difficult for me to finish like that. I think part of it is that my pleasure/enjoyment is tied closely to my partners. 18 years of "her first" might have crossed a few wires. 

I'm hoping to change that, at least to the point that I can fully enjoy a freely given BJ without "demanding" her to have an orgasm as well. My current partner seems to be turned on by the thought of me having an orgasm this way, so who am I to argue? 

I think someone recommended a book in a recent thread that taught them a lot about giving a BJ. I'm trying to think of how I can slip that into her library to see if it helps at all... She does seem a little anxious about whether she's doing it "right" for me. 

C


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

But - unlike PBear and Troy - it sounds like the OPs husband doesn't like it at ALL.


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## IH8theFriendZone (Mar 14, 2011)

I'm going to say I'm in the vast minority, but I used to never like receiving oral sex. As a guy, that's unheard of. I mean, don't get me wrong, it felt nice, but to this day I've never had an orgasm from oral sex. Ever. Times change and over the course of the last year or so I've developed a real desire for it. But before this year, it wasn't a big deal to me. I certainly didn't DISlike it...it's just that I'd rather have sex. Now if you were to mention anal, that's like the friggin holy grail for me. Let me get the sex life straightened out first and then I'll work on that.


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

IH8theFriendZone said:


> I'm going to say I'm in the vast minority, but I used to never like receiving oral sex. As a guy, that's unheard of. I mean, don't get me wrong, it felt nice, but to this day I've never had an orgasm from oral sex. Ever. Times change and over the course of the last year or so I've developed a real desire for it. But before this year, it wasn't a big deal to me. I certainly didn't DISlike it...it's just that I'd rather have sex.


But would you actually pull away when it was offerred?


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## IH8theFriendZone (Mar 14, 2011)

nice777guy said:


> But would you actually pull away when it was offerred?


Hell no.


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## Crushed&Confused (Mar 18, 2011)

Exactly, Never in my history of dating did a man pull away from that, he says he would just rather have sex, he also isnt into crazy positions like past encounters I have had. Maybe he is just old fashioned?


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

Crushed&Confused said:


> Exactly, Never in my history of dating did a man pull away from that, he says he would just rather have sex, he also isnt into crazy positions like past encounters I have had. Maybe he is just old fashioned?


Yes - that could be.

Some people do think oral sex is (literally) dirty.

Have you tried talking to him about it? Telling him that it concerns you?

Just because he isn't "normal" in regards to what most men like doesn't mean that there's something wrong. He could just be different.

Any other signs of performance issues or problems with confidence in bed?

I guess if the sex is good overall, just enjoy it...right?


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## mama wonder (Feb 10, 2011)

Believe it or not.

Oral sex does not work for everyone.

I think it is far fetched to start psychoanalysis at this point.


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## Smackdown (Feb 21, 2011)

Wow! I've never heard of a man not wanting a BJ. When I went down on my wife it was (for me) a way to turn her on so I could get some....I wouldn't want her to give me a BJ b/c it'd be over too soon, I like to wait til she's ready and then get one. I think there's some good advice here for you, good luck!
Mouse


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

So this came up today... My partner decided she wanted to give me a BJ today, and I thought of this thread. Told her that that was fine by me, but I might not be able to finish (and it was that time of the month, she was sensitive about that, etc...). She asked why, and I told her about years of conditioning for my partner first, her pleasure being as important or more important than mine...

Her response? "Well, we'll just do once a week blow jobs to get you over that. Just you, not me at all". I think I could really get to like this woman! I think what pushed me over the edge was knowing that she really truly wanted to do that, with no hint of it being about her.

C


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Therapy sessions are going well...  Although it is hard to let go and not feel guilty about giving back to her...

C


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## jay3171 (Nov 19, 2010)

I've always preferred to lick lady's vagina over having her perform oral on me. 

I'm not sure I can explain this preference. 

I've had great oral sex -- both giving and receiving -- but my preference is to give.

There's something nice about the smell of a vagina. 

Again, don't ask me to explain it.


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## YoungBuck (Mar 30, 2011)

A man refusing a bj doesn't even compute to me. I can last till my wife O's during intercourse every single time but I can only handle about 1 min of oral. Lol. Everyone is different, I wouldn't worry about him not wanting it unless its something you feel like you need sexually. Good luck to you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

I could see refusing it. The few times my wife ever attempted I pushed her off. She was terrible at it and wouldn't learn or listen.


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## magnoliagal (Mar 30, 2011)

Runs like Dog said:


> I could see refusing it. The few times my wife ever attempted I pushed her off. She was terrible at it and wouldn't learn or listen.


What was awful about it? Just curious. Not that I've had any complaints. Just wondering.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

YoungBuck said:


> A man refusing a bj doesn't even compute to me. I can last till my wife O's during intercourse every single time but I can only handle about 1 min of oral. Lol. Everyone is different, I wouldn't worry about him not wanting it unless its something you feel like you need sexually. Good luck to you.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I have a lot of trouble orgasming from oral sex. I think part of it is that it's more passive, so regardless of how good it feels, my mind wanders. 

C


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## magnoliagal (Mar 30, 2011)

PBear said:


> I have a lot of trouble orgasming from oral sex. I think part of it is that it's more passive, so regardless of how good it feels, my mind wanders.
> 
> C


I feel the same way when it's done to me but my dh does not seem to have that problem. He finishes quite easily.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

magnoliagal said:


> I feel the same way when it's done to me but my dh does not seem to have that problem. He finishes quite easily.


Hmmm... I wish I didn't have this issue. As I posted above, my current partner is more than willing to work through this with me, but I feel bad sometimes that it takes so long. But, since she's not complaining, I guess I'll make the best of a bad situation. 

As far as she's concerned, I find a combination of tongue and fingers gets the response I'm looking for. The two together are much more effective than just one at a time.

C


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

magnoliagal said:


> What was awful about it? Just curious. Not that I've had any complaints. Just wondering.


She was terrible at it, tentative, clumsy, painful, no rhythm, decided to do at the worst possible time. It was like she was eating something she never had before and didn't like. But she was sure as hell gonna kill it. She clearly CLEARLY hates oral.


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## YoungBuck (Mar 30, 2011)

PBear said:


> As far as she's concerned, I find a combination of tongue and fingers gets the response I'm looking for. The two together are much more effective than just one at a time.
> 
> C


Thats what I would like to know more about! I've done it several times to my wife, and she seemed to really enjoy it. But I would like to make it mind blowing.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

YoungBuck said:


> Thats what I would like to know more about! I've done it several times to my wife, and she seemed to really enjoy it. But I would like to make it mind blowing.


As far as fingers go... Research the "g-spot" and "a-spot". If you go down this path, you may want to make sure you've got towels available. And I'm serious about that. But if your wife/SO has hang-ups and problems letting herself go, you've likely got awhile before you have to worry about that. But there's no reason you can't get there. And I think it qualifies as "mind blowing", from what I've been told.  Good luck!

C


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## YoungBuck (Mar 30, 2011)

Thanks! And yes, getting past our current situation should probably be more of a concern than knowing how to go down on her the correct way.


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## magnoliagal (Mar 30, 2011)

Runs like Dog said:


> She was terrible at it, tentative, clumsy, painful, no rhythm, decided to do at the worst possible time. It was like she was eating something she never had before and didn't like. But she was sure as hell gonna kill it. She clearly CLEARLY hates oral.


This sounds like she did it intentionally. My dh jokes that when men don't want to do things for their wives they deliberately do it badly so they won't get asked to do it again.

I feel like I'm terrible at oral but my heart is in the right place so I guess that counts for something. I want to do it well I'm just not that skilled at it....yet but I'm working on it.


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## YoungBuck (Mar 30, 2011)

Try opening your mouth up so the only thing touching is your tongue to the bottom of his d#ck. And let the whole thing ride in and out on your tongue. The most sensitive area is on the underside of the [email protected] so concentrating on that should make it a pretty intense O (its kind of the equivalent to a womans clitoris). That gets me every time at least.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

magnoliagal said:


> This sounds like she did it intentionally.


No not quite. It's more along the lines of she really doesn't care one way or the other and couldn't be bothered to pay attention or pretend to give a crap. I suppose that's halfway intentional. It's more than halfway indifferent. This was how she was sexually in toto. Every aspect was 'who cares' and meh. She wouldn't move her body unless I did it for her. That's why I've come to miss sex so little. It was terrible all around.


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## magnoliagal (Mar 30, 2011)

Runs like Dog said:


> No not quite. It's more along the lines of she really doesn't care one way or the other and couldn't be bothered to pay attention or pretend to give a crap. I suppose that's halfway intentional. It's more than halfway indifferent. This was how she was sexually in toto. Every aspect was 'who cares' and meh. She wouldn't move her body unless I did it for her. That's why I've come to miss sex so little. It was terrible all around.


Wow sorry to hear that.


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

Runs like Dog said:


> No not quite. It's more along the lines of she really doesn't care one way or the other and couldn't be bothered to pay attention or pretend to give a crap. I suppose that's halfway intentional. It's more than halfway indifferent. This was how she was sexually in toto. Every aspect was 'who cares' and meh. She wouldn't move her body unless I did it for her. That's why I've come to miss sex so little. It was terrible all around.


Had a friend tell me his wife was terrible at it - too much with the teeth.

Still - does kind of makes me wonder if they do it real bad if it may not be intentional...


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Yeah, who knows???


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## magnoliagal (Mar 30, 2011)

nice777guy said:


> Had a friend tell me his wife was terrible at it - too much with the teeth.
> 
> Still - does kind of makes me wonder if they do it real bad if it may not be intentional...


I'm probably not normal but I research everything including how to do oral. Wouldn't watching the teeth be kind of a common sense thing?


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

magnoliagal said:


> I'm probably not normal but I research everything including how to do oral. Wouldn't watching the teeth be kind of a common sense thing?


Sure would THINK so.

Scraping is bad, although a little nibble here and there can be a good thing. Just don't draw any blood.



Do women like it when MEN use our teeth?!?!?!?

:lol:


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## magnoliagal (Mar 30, 2011)

MGirl said:


> Eh, I'm the same way...I read loads of tips and advice before I even tried...we can be nerds together


Oh I'm so the nerd although I kinda like the term goddess in training.  Either way I'm using my smarts to get what I want. I'm a fantastic researcher.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

MGirl said:


> I do like that term better, but what's important is the end result, right?
> 
> BTW, ladies--how do you control your gag reflex? I'm having a rough time with it


I'll suggest (on your husband's behalf) practice. Lots and lots of practice.



C


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## magnoliagal (Mar 30, 2011)

MGirl said:


> I do like that term better, but what's important is the end result, right?
> 
> BTW, ladies--how do you control your gag reflex? I'm having a rough time with it


Yep the end result is whats important. For me though how I label myself and my thoughts do seem to dictate my "vibe". I feel like I can give better oral if I think of myself as a goddess as opposed to a nerd. LOL!! I belong to another board of "nerds" and I've had several men tell me I have a sexy mind and one called me a goddess because I take the time to research how to make my man happy. Made me really think about what I call myself.

On the gag reflex thankfully I don't have one. I can swallow a handful of vitamins without flinching. My dh has no idea how lucky he is....


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

MGirl said:


> I do like that term better, but what's important is the end result, right?
> 
> BTW, ladies--how do you control your gag reflex? I'm having a rough time with it


Look around and you'll find other suggestions about how to use your hands and your mouth together. You don't have to do deep throat to give a really good BJ.

Enthusiasm is far more important than how far down you can go.


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