# Don"t know what to do



## Life of Brian (Jun 24, 2014)

Hi everyone, I just found this site and i hope I can get some need advice. I have been married 11yrs together 13yrs. we have 2 young children. I work full time and she is a full time college student. Our marriage has been pretty good for most of the time. We were both affectionate and are each other best friend. She's alway had only guy friends but it didn't bother me becuase i have know them as friends for a long time. One night we went out together and she drank alittle too much. next thing i know shes gone. Appaerntly she met with some guy at another bar that she had been talking to before. I found her but didn't go inside to get her. I txed herabout coming home . She just lol'ed and said she was on her way. She wasn't. After 3 hr i finaly went down there to confront her. She was behind the bar talking to him. He ran away she came home. We talked all night she says she kissed him. She also said that she didn't have that sexual chemestry with me anymore. We talked more and decicded to work on our relationship. 1 Mo later on a Friday she tells me that nothings changed and didn't think it could. She loves me but the chemestry wasn't there. I found out later the OM texted her that night. I told her we should take a break and she could stay at her mothers who was out of town. Saturday she came over. We talked alittle but the vibe i got from her was it was over. I told her to come back on sunday talk again and maybe finlize things. i called her sunday morning and told her maybe we should wait and give it a week to see if things get better. She came over later that day and We looked at each other and felt maybe we could work things out. Later that evening she tells me she slept with the OM Saturday night and she hates her self. She left him right away and says she knew she made a mistake. She says she knows now that she wants to be with me and she was stupid before for taking me for granted.She hardly eats or sleeps and is crynig contantly. I know she is sorry for what she did and I have always thought of her as my soulmate. Do any of you think this is something we can get over and move on, or am I setting my self up for another heartbreak


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## ReidWright (May 15, 2014)

really? she met a guy WHILE she was out with you? then screwed him?

sounds like the guy pumped and dumped her and she's running back to plan B since he made a fool out of her


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

ReidWright said:


> really? she met a guy WHILE she was out with you? then screwed him?
> 
> *sounds like the guy pumped and dumped her and she's running back to plan B since he made a fool out of her*


Yep!


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

what is your old lady going to do to affair proof the marriage in the future?

Why did she make make this choice?

when she was growing up is this what she wanted to be?

She took the easy way out...what makes her change the next time things don't go her way?

Why didn't she leave you with honor? And leave you before such a betrayal?


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Your marriage is one issue.

Your old lady can only answer these questions, if she wants to affair proof her next relationship....even if her next relationship is with the same man in a different marriage!


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## Cubby (Mar 28, 2012)

I think you now know that your wife is not your soulmate. She revealed who she really is. Now the question is, do you want who she really is? And she's now crying because she fears nobody wants her now, since the OM most likely dumped her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Bamzor (Aug 15, 2012)

Well, I can tell you one thing you will think about everyday for the rest of your life if you stay with her...just guess what it is? Recovery is *****, but in the mean time...std check...and love those kids.


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## terrence4159 (Feb 3, 2013)

yeah i slept with him once means we had nasty porn star sex many times and she did things with him she would never do for you. first thing to do is file for divorce, you have to be willing to lose it all to save it. only talk to her about the kids, no sex hugs or kisses with her. show her what she has to lose. you can always stop a divorce.

if she agrees to that, you having all her passwords and complete access to all her emails/phone/facebook and does all the heavy lifting with true remourse then you may have a chance at saving it.


but my .02 cents divorce her and never look back. it wasnt only once and if he calls or texts her again tonight she will be back ridding him like a harley on a bad stretch of road. and now everytime you kiss her you are kissing his peni$ and when you go down on her his little swimmers were there also....yep the mind movies will be killer.


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## sammy7111 (Apr 19, 2014)

Make her go to her moms and I wouldn't r because there just to much **** to put in it
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Dyokemm (Apr 24, 2013)

Have her move to her mom's and file for D immediately.

If you feel she is showing genuine remorse and doing the things necessary ti repair the M, you can halt the D and begin work on R.

She needs to see that her entire life as she knows it is possibly over due to her own stupidity....its a lesson she has to learn.

Find out everything you can about POS...expose him to his W or gf if he has one.

Expose the A to all friends and family as well...she needs to feel the shame of being a W and mother who has risked her family's happiness and stability for selfish fantasy sex with this POS.

Have her write a NC letter/text to this dirtbag ASAP...and I would add a personal addendum to this pu**y that if you find him communicating with your WW again his cowardly a** won't be able to run fast enough the next time.


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## The Middleman (Apr 30, 2012)

ReidWright said:


> really? she met a guy WHILE she was out with you? then screwed him?
> 
> sounds like the guy pumped and dumped her and she's running back to plan B since he made a fool out of her


OP, the above is exactly what's happening. 

She really isn't remorseful, she just left you so she could go out and get laid with a 'clean conscience'. After she got what she wanted and the OM got what he wanted, she came back to you. Pal, you were played.

If I were in your shoes, I'd tell anyone who will listen the complete story and I wouldn't take her back under any circumstances. If I took her back, I wouldn't have any respect for myself any more. Besides, do you want to be married to someone who made herself (excuse the expression) filthy and used?


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

While I liked the ideas of divorcing her over this due to the likelihood that she was used by the OM and is crawling back to the OP, it's not a definite that this is the way it went down. It could have been a situation like Mrs. JA experienced. However, in her case the marriage was floundering for a little while prior to her cheating. If JA felt the marriage was more strained too, then I can understand how her story unfolded. If, OTOH, your the WW in this thread showed zero inkling of there being an issue with the marriage until just meeting the OM a short while ago, then that is probably a situation where the OM swept the WW off her feet, she wants to chuck the marriage as a result, and then she gets burned.

But at the end of the day, whenever a spouse cheats, doesn't the other spouse automatically become plan B the moment he/she is discarded if favor of an AP?


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## The Middleman (Apr 30, 2012)

Plan 9 from OS said:


> But at the end of the day, whenever a spouse cheats, doesn't the other spouse automatically become plan B the moment he/she is discarded if favor of an AP?


In the end, the above is all that matters. The other stuff in you your post is interesting theoretical discussion, but doesn't matter. Once the physical line is crossed, the cheater is automatically at fault and IMO not worthy of having his/her spouse. The OP's wife seems to be pretty vile.


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## Philat (Sep 12, 2013)

*To Everyone Who Would Respond To This Thread* 

Note the coincidental similarity in detail to OP's situation and that of mr and mrs john adams. Also note that OP shows up immediately after the banning of another user (who had been banned before in several guises) who had gotten into a flare-up with Mrs. JA.

Just doin' the math.


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## johny1989 (May 21, 2014)

ReidWright said:


> really? she met a guy WHILE she was out with you? then screwed him?
> 
> sounds like the guy pumped and dumped her and she's running back to plan B since he made a fool out of her


Yup...


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## Cabsy (Mar 25, 2013)

If it is a troll, it has to be one of the saddest, most pitiable trolls I've ever seen. How do you kill that which has no life?

If the story is real, don't just sweep this under the rug: You lost a soul mate and gained a cheater. Deal with the consequences of that now or face them again later. Her tears are probably more for herself than anything you might have lost.

Speaking of Life of Brian... Always Look on the Bright Side of Life is a great song/motto for anyone feeling down.


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## Life of Brian (Jun 24, 2014)

sadly this is my story. No trolling. I hate that someone has a similar affair. I hate to lose someone I love but I think I lost her long ago. I guess it's time to move on because I don't know if I can ever forgive her. We were thinking about a divorce before it happened. I don't see how things get better after they got worse
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

Life of Brian said:


> sadly this is my story. No trolling. I hate that someone has a similar affair. I hate to lose someone I love but I think I lost her long ago. I guess it's time to move on because I don't know if I can ever forgive her. We were thinking about a divorce before it happened. I don't see how things get better after they got worse
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


 Well now you don't have to think about divorce. Just do it and be done with it.

If your out with her and she just up and leave to go to another place and it takes three hours to finally meet up again then it's your fault.

The minuet she left, you should have been looking for her. Then three hours later you find her? 

She would have been gone that night.


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

Life of Brian said:


> sadly this is my story. No trolling. I hate that someone has a similar affair. I hate to lose someone I love but I think I lost her long ago. I guess it's time to move on because I don't know if I can ever forgive her. We were thinking about a divorce before it happened. I don't see how things get better after they got worse
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:scratchhead: The below is from your first post. Your second post (above) says that you were thinking of divorce before this happened, but in your first post you say your marriage was pretty good. I am a little confused.

*I have been married 11yrs together 13yrs. we have 2 young children. I work full time and she is a full time college student. Our marriage has been pretty good for most of the time. We were both affectionate and are each other best friend.*


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

Assuming this is real op;

My thoughts:

The circumstances of her betrayal all point to her looking for an exit affair. She gave this guy a test ride, and he likely dumped her afterwords. But even if he didn't, you are still her plan B - and the likelihood of this happening again with someone else is good.

Should you give her another chance? You should only "consider" it if her remorse is compelling and consistent; and that she understands attempting R is a "trial". Simply tell her that you're not sure you can accept being a plan B and that you could change your mind in a week, a month, or years later. Even if she is truly remorseful forever. If she isn't, you will leave for sure. Take it or leave it.

But you need to do some sole searching before deciding.The thoughts of being her plan B can be all consuming for years. Don't ask me how I know.


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