# Devastated



## Twang

Found out my husband of 27 years had a year long affair with a married woman. He claims it was only sex no emotional attachment. Is it possible to move past this it has been two weeks today since i found out. I am so lost and I want to do what GOD wants me to do i am not sure i will be able to hear him. Any advice would be appreciated. He is 50 years old and she is 30 he has been having issues with getting older since he turned 47 he had a texting thing with a younger woman 3 years ago I thought he was my best friend and soulmate i am so lost.


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## SlowlyGettingWiser

Twang:

I'm sorry to hear this. I have NO ADVICE of a religious nature to offer you.

Have you tried talking to your personal religious leader about this situation? Perhaps s/he would be able to 

counsel you and your husband (together or separately)
offer books/websites with information on marriage/forgiveness/infidelity that would be pertinent to YOUR religious convictions
point you towards marital counseling that follows the tenets of your religious practices

If your local religious leader is unable to help you, try looking around on the website for the state or national group for your religious affiliation.

You might also look at the Coping With Infidelity section of this forum and state that you are looking for RELIGIOUSLY-ORIENTED advice. I KNOW there are religious people on that board. You might have to ignore posts that do NOT meet your need for religious advice, but you also Just Might Find like-minded people who have been in your position and have salient advice for you!

Godspeed, *hugs*.


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## Twang

Thank you for answering me. I posted in the other section and I had lots of views but no replies .


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## Twang

I have received some replies in the other section. I am sorry if I broke any rules I wasn't aware I couldn't post the same thing in different areas. Thanks for all the advice.


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## Mr Blunt

> Twang
> Found out my husband of 27 years had a year long affair with a married woman. He claims it was only sex no emotional attachment. Is it possible to move past this it has been two weeks today since i found out. I am so lost and I want to do what GOD wants me to do i am not sure i will be able to hear him. Any advice would be appreciated. He is 50 years old and she is 30 he has been having issues with getting older since he turned 47 he had a texting thing with a younger woman 3 years ago I thought he was my best friend and soulmate i am so lost.





*I am so lost and I want to do what GOD wants me to do *
*
God wants you to make Him number one. Learn of Him, communicate with Him, OBEY Him, and trust Him.*

You can always trust God and he will always be faithful. No one else can do that except God.

The best chance you have of saving your marriage is to build yourself up body, mind, and spirit, and that is with the help of God. if your husband is a good man and sees you getting close to God as demonstrated by your actions he will be drawn to you.


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## 2ntnuf

I've looked at some of the information on this site:

Marriage & Relationships - Focus on the Family

I also have a thread that can be comforting:

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/politics-religion/63816-peace-inspiration.html

Don't know if I can help more. It is devastating to find out that the one we love has betrayed us with infidelity. Prayer can't hurt. Finding peace in the word can help. 

I think you will need to look up the 180. I think it is a way of helping yourself by taking care of your needs more and his less. Someone will have a link or you can google it. I have no experience with it, myself. I know it will either bring him back or send him packing. It all depends where your relationship is at right now. 

Give it a little time and look around in the stickies of the coping with infidelity thread. Those will have some good info for you to start with. Others will come and help.

Edit: This thread can be moved if the moderators allow it. You can private message them if you find you are not getting the responses you desire in this section. Give it a little time. Unfortunately the boards are full of folks in similar situations.


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## Twang

Thank you all for the advice. H is extremely remorseful and he says he has GOD back in his life and he will not stray again. I am taking it a day at a time and trying to not be vengeful or bitter about any of it. I do love this man and I am going to try with all I have to give it another try. I welcome any advice and prayers that you may have. Thank you.


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## 2ntnuf

Don't know how Christian themed these are:

Dr. Shirley Glass - NOT "Just Friends"

His Needs, Her Needs by Dr. Willard F. Harley

Language Profile | The 5 Love Languages®

These are books that you will see recommended here by some astute members. They are at least worth a look. There can be so much more to work on. I would look around in some of the forums and private message someone whom you mostly agree with. Maybe they will come here for a while and help.


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## arbitrator

Twang: Yours is a fairly unique situation in that your H seems to be exhibiting some genuine contrition on his part. I can't see any evidence of any denial so I would fully recommend the following:

(1) Given his ownership of his problem, it is solely upon you to forgive him. You can fully forgive, but as my pastor told me~ you must allow yourself to always remember. In similar respect, I have forgiven my STBXW for her dual affairs with men from her past, and for her wanton abandonment of me~ but I will always remember.

Jesus basically commanded all of his followers to forgive; for to not do so, how could anyone else forgive us for our many trespasses against them.

(2) If his meeting this OW was done through cell, text, or internet, then he must make full discloseure of any passwords that he has~ in essence, there must be full disclosure from him to you, and vice-versa.

(3) Either get him to agree to undergo Christian marriage counseling with or through your pastor and with a certified Christian marriage counselor. After having undergone that, please make a heartfelt decision on "reconciliation."

(4) For your peace of mind, both you and him need to have medical checkups for the possible presence of STD's.

(5) Just as trust is suddenly trashed in an act of infidelity, it must be regained, but only at a gradual pace. That's why counseling is so imperative. There will be a void in the sector of trust until you gain your confidence in being able to trust him again.


(6) And if there is any further episode or evidence to the effect that he has gone back to his old ways, then you must employ "the 180" and start the process of looking at other viable options for yourself and your consumate well-being.


Please consider yourself on my personal Easter prayer list as I pray that our Heavenly Father will allow you to reach a trusting and peaceful resolution. And please be kind enough to pray for me and my sons as we spend our Easter Holiday together.

God truly answers prayer, as tomorrow a very dear friend of my family who I haven't seen in well over 20 years will be joining our church, and with no knowledge that I even know about it. I anxiously anticipate that reunion. I'll post more about it on my thread.

May Our Heavenly Father continue to keep his hand on you and yours, more especially during this time of marital difficulty for you! And may His presence be a blessing to you with each passing day!

*"He has risen~ He has risen, indeed!"*


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## Shaggy

You know why he had age issues? It's because he was 50 and was trying to compete with younger guys for the 30 yr old tramp.

Pretty simple really.

Don't take his remorse so easily, make him prove it through real actions.


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## BjornFree

You should ask one of the mods to move this thread to the Coping With Infidelity section. And words are worth squat.


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## Twang

I posted in the coping with infidelity section. I posted in here to get faith based advice. Thanks to everyone for their advice and the prayers. It has been 3 weeks today and it has not been a good day for me I know GOD will get me through this but in his time not mine. I struggle daily with the right thing to do. Arbitrator I will say prayers for you and your family also.Yes we have been tested and waiting for the results. We are both back in church and talking with our pastor about this. Time will tell if he is truly remorseful I just dont know if I can give him the time it seems to change daily on my part. Sorry for the long post again thanks to all I am on my way to church Happy Easter everyone and GOD BLESS.


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## Blonde

BTDT. (Same) Husband unfaithful in 1990 and again in 2008. Here are a couple articles that have it right in terms of how your marriage can really recover from this. 

BRING YOUR MARRIAGE BACK FROM THE DEAD

Blazing Grace - Healing a Broken Marriage From Adultery

DON'T give cheap forgiveness and rug sweep! BTDT in 1990.


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## Regga

I have started a path of faith. 1 Corinthians opened my eyes to a different understanding of learning to accept and behave in faith. I see what I want with God, just need some serious guidance on how to live a life of faith. It's not easy and I slip. 
My H had a EA and PA in Sept of 2012. My EA started on DDay. Just for revenge. The devil has a hard grip in my life and with my family. I'm finding, however, that knowledge of "the word" helps fight my negativity. Doing google searches of my struggles and finding passages to cope help have made the moments of despair liveable. I'm struggling, but know that others have lived a worse life and still been happy through faith. 
I just want happiness. I am starting to see that my happiness doesn't come from others. It comes through God, into me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## somethingelse

The Lord knows what you are going through. He sees what your H has done and he will deal with your H. I always found that a comforting thought when my H constantly cheated on me. I know that God knows my suffering, and I know that he would want me to be strong and turn to Him always. 

I suggest going to your local church (if you don't already go) or whatever church you usually go to, and speak to someone about this. They can give you a lot of direction and support. 

It is possible to move past infidelity. But it is a long road. You must be dedicated and he has to come clean about what he has done. But through Christ anything is possible. Stay strong, pray, and I will pray for you. Know that you are a good wife and nothing you did caused this. It's his cross to bear.


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## Twang

Thanks everyone for the prayers and support. Yesterday was my birthday and it was a HORRIBLE DAY. It has been one month today since I found out about the A. My H and I spent the better part of the morning holding each other and crying. I know GOD will get me through this but the human that I am just doesnt know how to deal with the emotional rollar coaster at times. H has continued to act remorseful and we had a come clean session where he answered all my questions about the A I wish now I hadnt ask some of them. Please continue to pray for GODS will to be done in my life and my marraige and I will do the same for all of you.


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## 2ntnuf

I will pray for you. I am sorry you are hurting. Sometimes I wonder if it is really worth knowing all that went on. He seems remorseful. I hope he continues to work with you on your marriage. I will also pray for you to have strength and wisdom. I'm sorry your birthday wasn't what you hoped. You and your marriage are in my thoughts. I hope you can get it worked out.


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