# Married, sad & Lonley



## confused.com (Apr 16, 2010)

Hi, i married 9 years ago to my husband who is 14 years older than me. Our problems started with the lack of intimacy my husband has show me after about a year of being married, no cuddling on sofa, asking him if he wanted to come up stiars (once waited 1 hour for him to come, he said the dishes needed cleaning!!) 

I could cry thinking about how he has rejected me over the years. Tried everything and have been so very patient. Havent had sex in 2 years. So i shut down my feelings and focused on our 3 children

I have asked about any abuse in his previous life, feelings for another man/women?

I have over the years got very angry at his lack of willingness to sort the problem, and have on many many ocassions outlined what the problem is. Orgainised councillers to help, one said that he needs to ben in control but im not a submissive person? but he says he can do it himself!! 

We have been seperated twice for a short time but now im done, and i dont know what to do. Well think i do know but dont want to put my beautiful kids through a divorce. Is it ever going to be ok or am i just fooling myself, should i take a lover? He has said that if thats what it would take to keep the marriage alive then that would be ok? Any advise??


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

This is the one scenario under which an affair makes sense and is best for the kids. Agree on rules of engagement - and proceed. His sexual preferences clearly don't run to adult females. Accept that. Nice thing is you can find a lover without also having to find someone who is good with money, good with kids, etc.




confused.com said:


> Hi, i married 9 years ago to my husband who is 14 years older than me. Our problems started with the lack of intimacy my husband has show me after about a year of being married, no cuddling on sofa, asking him if he wanted to come up stiars (once waited 1 hour for him to come, he said the dishes needed cleaning!!)
> 
> I could cry thinking about how he has rejected me over the years. Tried everything and have been so very patient. Havent had sex in 2 years. So i shut down my feelings and focused on our 3 children
> 
> ...


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## SOINLOVE2005 (Apr 14, 2010)

No, no, no....dont listen to them!!! The last thing you want to do is take a lover. The silly little thing about marriage is that vows were made. This wasnt a little 2nd grade truce made on the playground. This is real life. If you are really concerned about your kids' well-being, divorcing is less of a blow to your kids' psyche than stepping out on your husband! 
Listen. Have there ever been a moment where you have taken your husband by the hand and kindly asked him questions concerning your intimacy? If so, and there wasnt a response to you, is there someone else who he will respond to? Is there anyone who can have your husband to open up and share, even if just a little? If infidelity is not the issue with your husband, then there has to be a really, really big problem going on....


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## jusme (Jan 4, 2010)

What about impotency? Could he be embarrassed by it? We had intimacy issues in our marriage and didn't know why until I found the bottle of Viagara. H didn't want to admit it.


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