# Hall Pass



## MummaOfTwo (Nov 14, 2017)

Sorry if this sounds more like a blog post, but anyway.. 

I met my husband, my high school sweetheart, when I was 16 and we started dating shortly after. When we were 20 we moved into our first house together, the following year our first child was born and the year after that we were married, with our second child born two years later. We had a very busy couple of years! 

Now if you had of told me 10 years ago, or even 2 years ago, that I'd be writing this, I'd have called you crazy. But slowly over the last few years something in me has changed. My needs have changed. My wants have changed. And suddenly all the things I wanted in life don't seem like enough.

Don't get me wrong, I love my husband and my children, I wouldn't change them for anything. To get married and have kids was all I ever wanted, all I ever wished for. I'm incredibly grateful and feel very blessed every single day to have them. 

But... 

I can't help but wonder, not about how my life would be different had I not gotten married young but I wonder and I'm curious about the experiences that I missed. By the time I was old enough to drink legally, we'd already been in a relationship for 2 years, one that I considered pretty serious. While I enjoyed a few nights out with friends, drinking and dancing, it wasn't something that I was really into. At the time, I never felt like I was missing out on that lifestyle and truly never thought I would. I was on the track to having the big things in life that I wanted and I couldn't be happier. 

For as long as I can remember, all I wanted to be was a mum and at the time, that was enough for me. Had you asked what I wanted to do career wise, I would have replied with "to be a mum." Sure I had hobbies but I just thought being a mum to small children would last forever and that was more then okay with me. 

When our first child was born, I managed relatively well. There were definitely hard days though in hindsight, those "hard days" were a walk in the park now that I have two children. When my second came along, I eventually felt different. It began slowly and not enough for anyone else to notice, but I did. My hormones changed. My moods changed. I was snappy and stressed, my patience wore thin and eventually it became non existent. I longed for a break. I fell into bad habits, I gained weight and somewhat stopped putting effort into my appearance and myself. Everything I did became about my children. I existed to be a mother. 

Again, I don't regret my decisions but somewhere along the way I lost me. I lost who I was. I eventually lost some weight and started to feel like the old me again, I went from someone who had no interest in going out with friends, to someone who craved some freedom. I wanted to go out and I wanted to go out drinking and dancing. I wanted to have fun. Fun for myself, to let loose and for one night not stress about my children and their futures and things that were wrong. I realised that my life matters and that I can be a good mother but also that there was more to my life. I didn't have to JUST be a mum. I was allowed to do things for myself as well. 

So I did. It wasn't often but when I had the opportunity, I went out with my new found confidence and I had some fun. 

After a while, I started to notice the desire I had for attention. To be noticed. To be chased. I'd never experienced this in high school before meeting my now husband and obviously never got to experience this during my early 20s, or now. But I craved it. I wanted to be sought out in a crowd, I wanted to feel the lusty feeling, I wanted to talk to someone over loud music, as much as one can anyway and get to know the basic things about them. I wanted to flirt and be flirted with. I wanted someone to touch my hips for the first time. I wanted to dance with someone, dirty dance. I wanted those firsts again. It wasn't about sex, I had no interest in that with anyone else but my husband. But I did want to kiss them. I wanted to feel a sexual attraction to someone, I wanted a stranger to want to kiss me. I just wanted a one off, random hook up with an attractive man I'd just met who had a desire to want to kiss me back. 

I never wanted to be a cheater and I still don't want to be that person. I don't want to give in to temptation and hurt my husband like that and be ridden with guilt for the rest of my life. But I wanted something, not just for me but for him too. I know there are things I can't do for him, needs that I don't meet and I have to wonder if he feels like he's missed out on anything too. I hope there is because I don't know if that makes me a bad person if it's all just one sided. What I realised I wanted was a hall pass, not for sex, just to kiss someone else. I wanted it to be mutual, agreed on, something we were both absolutely okay with. I wouldn't want to know what he decided to do with his night of freedom, I just wanted to set some ground rules and that be it. One night, no guilt. To experience what we missed. 

But how do you even bring such a thing up. How do you tell your husband this without hurting their feelings. And what if he doesn't feel the same? Where does that leave things. I know his views on cheating and I know it's not a thing he would tolerate and I fear that my asking would not end well. But I also know that I'll only be young for so long and right now I'm upset for what I've missed out on. And I wholeheartedly worry about how this will effect me in 10 or 20 years time. I don't want to ever hold resentment but I also fear it's possible. 

So my question is, is this something you and your partner would ever consider? And if it's something you've done, how on earth do you bring it up with them. I really feel like this is affecting me, I just can't get it off my mind...


----------



## manwithnoname (Feb 3, 2017)

I was my wife's first, and only. If she came to me saying the same things as you are saying, I would divorce her. 

You know it won't stop at a kiss, don't you?

Whatever you decide to do, definitely tell him your feelings. Give him the option of going along, or divorcing you.


----------



## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

Show this post to your husband.

Ask him if he could be that person. Maybe role play. 

Other than that I think its a horrible idea. Does he get a hall pass?

Do yo read romance novels?


----------



## soulpotato (Jan 22, 2013)

You should discuss this with a therapist. You’ve not missed anything worthwhile by not being “out there”, and by meeting your husband earlier in life, you undoubtedly skipped some BAD experiences. What you’re imagining doesn’t exist. It’s certainly not worth destroying the wonderful life that you have - which it will. 

Remember, you cannot have everything in life, and you should not expect to have all of your desires and needs met. If you reach for one thing, you give up another. The cheap, meaningless high you want to chase will not be worth the price you and your family will pay. What you have now is precious.


----------



## KM87 (Nov 5, 2017)

I have to say I agree with the other responses you've received. As a mom to two with a third on the way and married to a workaholic, I can honestly say that I can empathize with your feelings, to an extent. It would feel good to experience those strong feelings that accompany your firsts again. But I did do some wild things when I was younger and before my husband or children were a part of my life. I look back on those times occasionally and while I believe that all of our life experiences contribute to the person you become (and so are a necessary part of your past), I am so thankful to be past those years. They were frivolous and stupid, they make me feel more shame than freedom now as a mature-ish woman. Even during the seasons where I never see my husband and feel like a single parent, over worked and under appreciated, invisible and unimportant to the man that I chose, I am thankful to not be my younger version. That girl was lost. And while the woman I am today might feel stressed out, exhausted, lonely and a shell of who she once was, she is not lost. I have a purpose each and everyday that is bigger than myself, and that's worth every ounce of grit in sticking it out and not compromising. Your family would take a serious hit, especially your precious little ones. That's not worth what you're contemplating - in my opinion. Being a wife and mother is a marathon of an undertaking. You have to be prepared to go the distance and not allow yourself to be distracted by things that are fleeting. When you cross the finish line, you'll be so glad you did.


----------



## David Darling (Oct 22, 2016)

Could you get some of what you're looking for from your husband? Maybe discuss a fantasy date with him. Explain to him what you "need". Arrange to hook up with your husband as a stranger in a club, or meet him anonymously in a hotel for a dirty weekend?

If my wife asked for this I'd be totally on for it (we've done it in fact >). If she asked for a hall pass I'd be devastated (and immediately wonder if she'd already awarded herself a pass and acted on it)


----------



## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Take a vacation with your husband and leave the kids at home. Tell your husband that you two are going to pretend that you are meeting for the first time and get to know one another all over again. Do all of those things with him. If you can swing it, have separate hotel rooms for the first night. View it as an investment in your marriage. Good luck.

eta I see the previous poster addressed this.


----------



## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

You are older, married, and have multiple children. You don't think, feel, or respond/react the way a younger, single, childless woman would. In other words, even if you get a Hall Pass for a month, you'll never be able to experience what you missed out on when you decided to forego those experiences years ago in order to marry and have children.


----------



## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

marital sex does get boring. no question about it. especially if both partners are not working at it very hard.

You are right that you would need a hall pass to have a chance at this not screwing up what you already have. 

First...it would be pretty selfish for you to ask for a hall pass, but not allow one for your husband too. So maybe start off the conversation, while you two are love making, "have you ever thought about another partner for sex other than me?". you can start it off in a joking/teasing sort of way....and if he gets very horny from the talk....you can sense what his answer would be to a hall pass. Then kind of let the idea roll around in his head for a few days, then bring it up again....again while in a sexual situation. see if it makes him very hard.

If so, maybe a "well i see that thought makes you very hard. maybe we should experiment a little more in this area".

but there are plenty of other threads here that point out the dangers, and unintended consequences of such a path. So read up and be aware of the pitfalls.


----------



## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

I've seen very few hall passes work. The few in real life ended in divorce. the ones which claim to work have mostly been one sided internet stories. Not saying they didn't work, but I can't see the true results behind a computer screen. Most came after an affair and still irreparably damaged the marriage. It starts off okay and then resentment builds on both sides.

The ones I did personally know divorced or separated because the suggestion got the hamster wheel turning. Was the question asked spontaneously or were they trying to cover up for something that already occurred.


----------



## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

MJJEAN said:


> You are older, married, and have multiple children. You don't think, feel, or respond/react the way a younger, single, childless woman would. In other words, even if you get a Hall Pass for a month, you'll never be able to experience what you missed out on when you decided to forego those experiences years ago in order to marry and have children.


i am going to disagree here. That first orgasm with someone new, will be like a nuclear explosion. Does not matter if you are 20 years old, or 55....all that pent up sexual energy and fantasizing will come to a head. After a few more times, you might find it is no big deal, and find that wanting it was not as good as actually getting it. But some DO change their lifestyles even at an older age


----------



## biwing (Feb 2, 2017)

My wife and I have had several MFM's and FMM's and so were very comfortable with our sex. One day she said that she would like to have sex with a man without me there. I was at first shocked but then relised that she had already had sex with another man several times so I agreed to it with the stipulation that I was also able to have sex without her present.

As agreed she did it once and was happy to have had the experience. I also had an outside partner without her and although I enjoyed it, I had no desire to do it again as I missed the sharing with her.

We continued having the threesomes and occasional couples swap.

We have never been more in love than we are now in out late 60s.


----------



## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

Talker67 said:


> i am going to disagree here. That first orgasm with someone new, will be like a nuclear explosion. Does not matter if you are 20 years old, or 55....all that pent up sexual energy and fantasizing will come to a head. After a few more times, you might find it is no big deal, and find that wanting it was not as good as actually getting it. But some DO change their lifestyles even at an older age


And I disagree with your disagreement! 

First, it's sweet that you assume there will be an orgasm. Having been there, done that, I can tell you that not all extramarital sexual encounters with someone new, regardless of attraction and anticipation, end in orgasm for the female. Besides, even if it does end in orgasm, all orgasms are not created equal. Just because there was an orgasm doesn't mean the experience was satisfying on any level. 

Outside of that, OP is talking about the "experience", not sex specifically, but the whole. And the reality is, having children changed her forever. She will never have that whole young, dumb, and full of cum experience. She can have something related to that experience, something resembling that experience, but the only way to actually experience what it's like to be young, single, childless, and on the prowl is to actually be young, single, childless, and on the prowl.

Now, if all OP wants is some strange, a Hall Pass will allow her that. But it won't be the same thing she would have experienced as a young woman with no husband, no kids, and no real responsibilities.


----------



## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

As someone (a man, btw) who has, essentially, never really been single since the age of 16, I CAN empathise with what you're feeling, OP. I also "missed" all those typical experiences, recklessness, adventure and excitement, and yes, the attention.

I dated my first gf for 3 years, was single for ~4 months (had a rebound, fwb relationship during that time), met my ex wife and spent 14 years with her. Was single for ~5 months (no relationships or sex at all during that time) and met my current wife. I never did the bar thing, ONS's, or anything your typical 18-30 year old does. My entire 20's, I was with one woman, and married at 25.

But, here's the interesting thing. Many people I know who did all those things look at ME, and say "man, I wish I had your experiences".

You always want what you don't have. You always think you missed out on something. There are fewer people than you think who don't feel that way. It's normal, TBH.


----------



## WilliamM (Mar 14, 2017)

My wife and I are wild children of the sixties. She allowed a friend to seduce her in 1978. I discovered she had lots of secrets she had been unable, refused, to share with me which led to her wanting to step out alone. Those lies, or my reaction to them, made her life a living hell for two years.

Do not keep secrets.

After two years I decided one of the things I needed to help me forgive her was a revenge affair. But I did not want to bother with getting to know anyone well enough. I was also curious about this wild streak in Mary which drove her to betray me.

I took her to a swingers party and we had sex with another couple. It was interesting, and fun. We met with them a few times, and I said that was enough.

But one thing I made sure Mary understood is I would not tolerate anything being done behind my back again. Your hall pass is an example of what I think of as the death knell of any marriage.

Since then we have done a lot of things to make sex lively, but always together. Every couple we have known in the lifestyle, even peripherally, who did things separately was soon divorced. 

This is not a study. It is only one couple and our personal observations. But after dabbling with swinging for over twenty years during our 44 years together we think if you go kiss a man without your husband there you are going to end up divorced.

Never go alone unless you are hoping to end up alone.


----------



## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

snip


MummaOfTwo said:


> I love my husband and my children, I wouldn't change them for anything. .


snip

And yet this is exactly what you are contemplating. The good news is that you already see this and do not need me to tell you what the cost of your adventure will be. 

My advice to you is to remember what you said in my snip. You have already decided that you will not change them for ANYTHING, and that anything includes entertaining this fantasy.


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Might want to consider counseling with hubby.

What you are experiencing is not uncommon.

What you are contemplating is not uncommon either.

The results are likely to be just as common, e.g. divorce, destruction of family and an empty life of an aging cum dump.

You might be fortunate after you destroy your family to eventually obtain a good relationship with another man but your children will never be the same.

Putting this much imagination and work into your marriage will have fantastic and much more beneficial results.

Been with Mrs. Conan for 26 years and, to give a snapshot view, two days ago she fd my brains out and I returned the favor last night by ravaging her into orgasmic oblivion.

Boring people get bored and are boring, simply put.

There are no limits to the amazing excitement a married couple can achieve together.

You two need to put more work and imagination into your marriage.

You missed out on a lot of stupid sh1t as well as some good but finding a lifelong love and mate is the priceless goal.

I was very experienced by the time I met my wife. I wish I would have waited. Nothing prepared me for her. We had to learn together.

Relationships are like couples skating. The longer you are with the same partner and putting hard work into your routine, the better you become at it.

People who farm that work out are lazy and don't develop as well and often break up anyway.


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

WilliamM said:


> My wife and I are wild children of the sixties. She allowed a friend to seduce her in 1978. I discovered she had lots of secrets she had been unable, refused, to share with me which led to her wanting to step out alone. Those lies, or my reaction to them, made her life a living hell for two years.
> 
> Do not keep secrets.
> 
> ...


Don't care for your lifestyle but really appreciate your input and totally agree BTW.


----------



## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

I had what amounted to a hall pass. She was my first while she was rather experienced shall we say. She figured I would think about straying around 15 to 20 years in and set the ground rule of no emotional connection. I told her as long as the good sex continued there would be no need. What would I miss out on? I mean vajayjay is vajayjay, right? I knew I had a good thing going (at times reading TAM confirms this, sadly).

I think it was on our 20th anniversary trip that I finally made her rescind the hall pass, it was getting creepy.


----------



## marriageontherocks2 (Oct 4, 2017)

This is why men should NOT get married today, no matter what they do, there's a significant portion of women who simply can never be pleased, or have enough. Good loyal husband, hard working, nice kids, nice home and it's not enough, she needs to go to the club, get picked up by a better looking guy and screwed.

Uggghhhh society sucks....


----------



## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

ConanHub said:


> Might want to consider counseling with hubby.
> 
> What you are experiencing is not uncommon.
> 
> ...


We all miss out on something but I will be damned to ruin 23 years of marriage for it. Don't care what it is. Not worth it. Conan speak truth by Crom. 

You will ruin your marriage, life and children's lives for what? A kiss?


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

marriageontherocks2 said:


> This is why men should NOT get married today, no matter what they do, there's a significant portion of women who simply can never be pleased, or have enough. Good loyal husband, hard working, nice kids, nice home and it's not enough, she needs to go to the club, get picked up by a better looking guy and screwed.
> 
> Uggghhhh society sucks....


Maybe men need more testosterone.

I am not immune from being cheated on, no one is, but it would be fairly inconceivable for a woman to propose to me what OP is thinking about or for anyone to pursue Mrs. C once they get a look at me.

I am 100% no bvllshyt, take no prisoners, territorial monogamist.

Anyone stupid enough to ignore the nuclear missile pointing in their direction deserves the radioactive waste their lives would become by crossing me in the sexual arena.

Dipshyt slvts learned to avoid me early. I've got plenty to offer but I am worthy of a real woman.

I made people respect me every step of my life and woe to those that tried to step in my "garden" without permission.

Life is what we make it. Any woman that wanted a chance with me would know way ahead of time not to play.


----------



## Robbie1234 (Feb 8, 2017)

The biggest problem with hall passes is that the woman can get laid anytime if she is average looking while the man can't.


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Robbie1234 said:


> The biggest problem with hall passes is that the woman can get laid anytime if she is average looking while the man can't.


If he has confidence and game, yes he can.


----------



## marriageontherocks2 (Oct 4, 2017)

Robbie1234 said:


> The biggest problem with hall passes is that the woman can get laid anytime if she is average looking while the man can't.


The woman can be plain and 50 lbs overweight and get laid in 5 minutes on Tinder by a decent looking guy. The guy, unless he's a 9 or 10 has no chance of attracting any attention on Tinder, this has been shown in multiple studies, it's the 80/20 rule. the OP would get laid 100 times before her husband got a call back.

The OP should just be honest and divorce her husband so she can **** it up at the clubs like a teenager.

Or she can look into things like mindfulness, meditation, and realize the past already happened and can't be changed, the future doesn't exist at all, all we have is right now, the present, and are you happy? If you are don't screw it up because happiness is very difficult to find in this world.


----------



## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

MummaOfTwo said:


> Sorry if this sounds more like a blog post, but anyway..
> 
> I met my husband, my high school sweetheart, when I was 16 and we started dating shortly after. When we were 20 we moved into our first house together, the following year our first child was born and the year after that we were married, with our second child born two years later. We had a very busy couple of years!
> 
> ...


Life is about choices. You can't always get what you want. Be sure you know what you are doing. If my wife asked me this I would divorce her. Life is too short for me to hang around while she finds herself at my marriages expense. If I was a different man I would say me first, I am sure I could get some sex within a week. Thing is I would probably be attracted to the first women who hinted on the interest in monogamy that I have. My wife would be done at that point anyway. 

I love my wife, but not enough for that. Maybe your husband will go for it, but don't be surprised if he doesn't. It's not about missing out anyway, it's about you having a mid life crisis. You are worried that you are unattractive and getting old. We all go through that. I wonder what you would writing if your husband were to write the same thing here. Hell he may jump at the chance. The road you are going down isn't going to end where you think.


----------



## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Is your fantasies worth giving up your family and past? Most told I know would go back and live hose wasted party years over.
As high as the divorce rate is, it’s obvious you are headed in the wrong direction. This was once pretty much suggested to me in a long term relationship. I told her sure, date whoever you want. She could tell I would be done with her and didn’t follow through with it. Too late the damage was done.


----------



## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

By the way, how often do you bring something new to the bedroom?


----------



## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

marriageontherocks2 said:


> This is why men should NOT get married today, no matter what they do, there's a significant portion of women who simply can never be pleased, or have enough. Good loyal husband, hard working, nice kids, nice home and it's not enough, she needs to go to the club, get picked up by a better looking guy and screwed.
> 
> Uggghhhh society sucks....


Women could write the same thing. Some people are just not and will never be emotionally mature enough to be good partners.


----------



## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Chaparral said:


> By the way, how often do you bring something new to the bedroom?


Amen to this. Getting someone new is often more about being a lazy lover. The newness is substitute for creativity. If you need your husband to desire you, seduce him. If you need attention to feel loved, get his attention.


----------



## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

chillymorn69 said:


> Show this post to your husband.
> 
> Ask him if he could be that person. Maybe role play.
> 
> ...


:iagree:

A big yes to role playing.


----------



## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

One other thing. You act like people who had an adventurous sex life don't also from time to time fantasize about someone new when they have been married a long time. Doesn't work that way. There is a certain excitement in the dance of courtship. You may go and have some new. 10 years later you are going to want new again. What you feel is normal, it's not because you missed out on something. It's just the normal human condition.


----------



## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

That greener grass you are seeing and desiring? You don’t know the disgustingness it takes to get it that color.


----------



## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Robbie1234 said:


> The biggest problem with hall passes is that the woman can get laid anytime if she is average looking while the man can't.


With the proper amount of cash, men can get laid. 

But confidence works just as well.


----------



## marriageontherocks2 (Oct 4, 2017)

People need to understand that after years of marriage you will not be able to maintain that initial passion of falling in love during the courting phase. There are chemicals and hormones present during this period that do not sustain and are replaced by different chemicals and hormones meant for a different purpose.

If people need that constant stimulation of being intensely sexually desired like they were during the courting and dating phase you will have to move into serial-monogamy or swinging.

My wife will never desire me sexually the same way she did when we first met, or the way she would sexually desire someone if we split and she dated again and vice versa, that's just the way it works.


----------



## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

sokillme said:


> Amen to this. Getting someone new is often more about being a lazy lover. The newness is substitute for creativity. If you need your husband to desire you, seduce him. If you need attention to feel loved, get his attention.


Reading OP post she wants to be pursued.


----------



## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

marriageontherocks2 said:


> People need to understand that after years of marriage you will not be able to maintain that initial passion of falling in love during the courting phase. There are chemicals and hormones present during this period that do not sustain and are replaced by different chemicals and hormones meant for a different purpose.
> 
> If people need that constant stimulation of being intensely sexually desired like they were during the courting and dating phase you will have to move into serial-monogamy or swinging.
> 
> My wife will never desire me sexually the same way she did when we first met, or the way she would sexually desire someone if we split and she dated again and vice versa, that's just the way it works.



Never stop dating your W and she will desire you sexually if not more attentively. My W certainly has. It really took off after we both realized that our kids did not need attending too(both are in their 20's now). We are now free to feel like we did 23 years ago. Best part is we have the money to be as free as we want. We did not have that for quite sometime.


----------



## Slartibartfast (Nov 7, 2017)

..


----------



## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

Young at Heart said:


> :iagree:
> 
> A big yes to role playing.


Not singling you out as this has been suggested by multiple posters on this thread and others.

Look, the reality is that people who lack experience with other partners and who are curious about experiencing sex with other partners cannot have their curiosity satisfied by their current partner. Why? Well, because role playing doesn't change who a person _is_. He or she is still going to be the same height and weight with the same size feet and hands, move the same, smell the same, kiss the same, touch the same, and basically **** the same. Role playing may add some spice, but it cannot give the participants anything like the experience of having sex with someone other than their partner.

I really am in favor of spicing up their love life, but also prefer plain speaking. The only way to know what it's like to have sex with someone else is to have sex with someone else. And, frankly, since OP describes her relationship as so good, it's not worth the probable price she'd pay.

DH and I have been together for 18 years come next month. We still experience firsts together because we keep our sex life evolving. No Hall Pass or other people required.


----------



## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

MJJEAN said:


> DH and I have been together for 18 years come next month. We still experience *firsts together* because we keep our sex life evolving. No Hall Pass or other people required.


We were talking about that the other day. How the heck does that still happen? I don't mean intentional new things (they happen too) but rather the unplanned holy crap what just happened and why didn't we try that before things that just seem to happen. OK, they don't happen as often as 25 years ago, but they still happen, strange, but I'm not complaining.


----------



## Windwalker (Mar 19, 2014)

OP,
Do your husband a favor and divorce so that he can find someone who is worthy of him. At this point he is living a lie that he is not aware of. 

If it was me and even if you never asked the question, if I found out, you would be dropped faster than fish heads. 

You are at the breaking point of no longer being marriage material.


----------



## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

I would divorce my wife if she made this suggestion.


----------



## drifting on (Nov 22, 2013)

Mum

You want to be pursued, kiss someone new, and you have a desire to go out and flirt with random strangers. You must know that this will cause so many problems in your marriage. In my opinion you are having a mid life crisis more then anything else. My wife is my only, and when younger my ex girlfriends weren't worthy of me giving them my entire self. I'm not stuck up or think others are below me, I just think that intimacy is with the one you are married to. None of my ex girlfriends presented themselves to me in that way. When I met my wife I knew I would ask her to marry me, I didn't need anyone else after meeting her. 

Intimacy is giving ones self completely to another, the deepest act of love. Where else does one surrender themselves to completely give all of them? Intimacy is of high value, what value would you place on yourself if you gave this up to some guy at a club or tavern? I would think after you leave to go home the regret would begin to consume you. When people tend to say or imply the grass is greener on the other side of the fence I have two replies. One, is what are you doing to make your grass green. The other is, maybe they use more **** then you to get the grass that green. Most times the grass isn't greener, it's just a facade that that landscaper portrays to make everyone think it's better. I'm sure your grass is plenty green, maybe you just need to cultivate that grass a little differently. 

Having a hall pass was offered to me by my wife, no chance, I'm not giving away myself just to have something a little different. I have still only been with my wife, I am three and a half years into reconciliation. I wish I could tell you I wasn't, it's very hard work, and I certainly could have gone without my wife cheating. I wish you the best.


----------



## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

CharlieParker said:


> We were talking about that the other day.* How the heck does that still happen?* I don't mean intentional new things (they happen too) but rather the unplanned holy crap what just happened and why didn't we try that before things that just seem to happen. OK, they don't happen as often as 25 years ago, but they still happen, strange, but I'm not complaining.


It's truly a combination of intentionally trying something new and things just happening. Experiencing firsts together happens intentionally and by accident outside the bedroom, too. Between kids, pets, errands, and DH, I experience some large or small new thing almost daily.


----------



## JayDee7 (Sep 12, 2017)

You want to fool around with others but your married, welcome to temptation. It is normal, we are human. The fact is if your spouse is into you and you are into them you do not need anyone else.

Take the advice of others here, take a vacation or weekend getaway, put on something sexy and role play with your husband, but do not focus on his role focus on yours. Be the free lustful woman and he will likely respond well to you. Good luck.


----------



## TAMAT (Jun 20, 2015)

Mumma,

You wrote, *It wasn't about sex, I had no interest in that with anyone else but my husband. But I did want to kiss them. I wanted to feel a sexual attraction to someone, I wanted a stranger to want to kiss me. I just wanted a one off, random hook up with an attractive man I'd just met who had a desire to want to kiss me back.*

I understand why you want this, kissing is often the first casualty when a marital sex life starts to die. It's also the most intense form of sex possibly because it is the first type of sexual experience for most of us. 

That said once you kiss it's hard to stop, and you can get STDs from it.

Tamat


----------



## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

Some good advice I've seen here on TAM. Never allow a third party into your marriage. Even if you don't have sex now your husband will have questions and doubt. Your spouse doubting your bond and commitment is never good. One kiss may cost you everything.


More importantly mommy mode sucks. You do need to have a break. Get a babysitter take hubby along for a wild ride. Plan a night of dinner, dancing, drinking and hotel. A new sex toy. I recommend a we-vibe. If you want him to lead write him a note with ideas of what you might like. If you want him to be alpha let him know. It might take a few swings but you guys can definitely spice things up. Later at a non threatening time like lunch do a reflection like I really liked it when you .... And I think we talked about kids too much. I'd like to try ....


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

This is a zombie thread and is now closed to new replies.


----------

