# I don’t know how to make my husband happy



## Star79 (Feb 8, 2014)

How do you figure out how to make your spouse happy? Or maybe my expectations are too high for an expression of appreciation or approval. I am not sure. I just want my husband to show some expression of happiness to have me as his wife. I am not a perfect wife by far and I don’t even want to portray myself that way. Because I am in the military, we have been geographically separated for some time. To make matters worse, I will be leaving for a year deployment in less than a week. For the first time since we’ve been married (2 years) we have finally moved into a house together along with my son from a previous relationship. We finally feel like a real family and I finally can do all the things I feel a loving wife should do for her husband. I cook for him, wash clothes, clean, greet him at the door and make sure he is comfortable while he is in the house. I am lost. We don’t have sex anymore. He said he is too stressed. I am a very sexual person. So it is killing me not to be intimate with him. He says, why can’t we just cuddle. But the truth is, I get too turned on when we touch and it just makes me even more frustrated. I wonder if I did something to make him unattractive to me, I don’t know. I just want to make him happy.


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## Mr.Fisty (Nov 4, 2014)

Either he has resentment or he is detached emotionally. With your upcoming tour of duty, there is a high chance of that rift widening even further.

Unfortunately, if he does not communicate his issues, you are left in the dark. What you can do is if he does not work on the relationship by going to counseling, you can go yourself and learn tools to help you in any relationship whether this one works or not.

He has a choice and he made the choice not to engage and be part of the relationship. Sometimes relationships end, the best you can do learn and move on. Marriages and vows are grand ideals, but people are the variables. He might not be the type that any relationship can ever work for if he behaves in this manner. But, seek help for yourself and do not let him drag you down with him in terms of behavior.

It might be best to detach and find other things to be fulfilling . Because you cannot make him engage nor communicate with you. Those actions and choices are on his own end.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Reading some of your older posts it really sounds like you two have had issues for a long time. I'm not sure what to say other than your husband sounds like an ass, sorry.


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## Maneo (Dec 4, 2012)

if this is how things are and you are leaving for a year's deployment, there may not be much to return to...that is pretty bleak but that is how I'd say it seems based on what you've shared.


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## Star79 (Feb 8, 2014)

He is an ******* - LOL. I tell him that often. In the most loving way one can say that . But I love him. He is stubborn, difficult, and very critical. But he is also one of the most thoughtful people I have ever known. I am afraid that his actions are widening the the distance we already have emotionally. I know he does have a lot of stress in his life. When I talk to him about it he is very short and shuts down. Then I try to take the approach of letting him lead the conversation when he is ready and just be a listening ear. But when I don’t acknowledge it. He acts like I don’t care, but I do. I just am just trying to follow his lead and not force a conversation. I have attended counseling. And it is has done wonders for me personally. I am more relaxed and I no longer take responsibility for other peoples action. But, I do understand there is a cause and effect in every relationship. Thanks everyone. I will keep praying for my family.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Is he keeping your son while you're on deployment?


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

You don't make your spouse happy. You make your self happy, they make their own self happy, and hopefully you treat each other nicely so you enhance each other's feelings of happiness rather than detracting from them. If you detract too much (either or both), it's probably time to move on.


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## Star79 (Feb 8, 2014)

Yes he is keeping our son. I have a large support system where we currently live. My parents literally live 3 miles away.


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## Star79 (Feb 8, 2014)

I think he may be depressed. He doesn’t do anything to make himself happy. I do things to make myself happy all the time.


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