# Growing Sexually with a wife who has hit her kinky stride full on - Insights Please



## HisPlaceofInterest (Feb 27, 2014)

My wife is in her 50s and hitting her kinky full stride (or at least things that have not been the norm for the past 20+ years of marriage). I am praying I can stay alongside for the ride. So far there have only been a few bumps in the road where I lost traction which is what brings me here.

I would appreciate any insights and advice from females, males, and especially couples who care to share their experiences.

I am looking for crazy things ladies ask of their men sexually when the wife hits her stride before her husband. 

Ladies, why did you ask it of him? How did you help him get comfortable with your requests? How did it turn out? Was it what you expected? How could you make the experience easier or better? 

Men, how did you feel, respond, what were your thoughts on what your lady asked of you? How did you go about doing it? If it was out of your comfort zone, how did you overcome it?
*
Please sincere insightful & helpful responses* - not "way to go guy," "just go with it," "you are a lucky man," ghee I wish I were you"... etc


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

How about some examples of what you mean, from your own relationship? That might help to figure out what you're after.


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## Coldie (Jan 2, 2014)

These fun threads usually get closed pretty quick.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Honey, you finally logged on!!!

Sorry, I know your not my honey. But I sure could be your wife, kinky crazy and scary the hell outta my H. "You want wha...? Gulp, Ummm okay we can do that...." I gotta say, I'm shock, shocked I tell you! I always thought men had such dirty minds and it turns out it's the women with the dirty minds!

So, what's the deal? Are you uncomfortable with what she's suggesting? Is it just cause it's new? Is it something that doesn't push your buttons? What's the problem?


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## HisPlaceofInterest (Feb 27, 2014)

Coldie said:


> These fun threads usually get closed pretty quick.


What do you mean? I do not wish to do anything incorrect.


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## Sandfly (Dec 8, 2013)

Ha ha! I knew I'd find you here Anon Pink 

Go easy on him, it sounds like he's scared


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Sandfly said:


> Ha ha! I knew I'd find you here Anon Pink
> 
> Go easy on him, it sounds like he's scared


I've worked hard on my reputation thank you for noticing.


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## over20 (Nov 15, 2013)

I think because they can get very graphic.

Up until 6 years ago I was pretty vanilla...I am 43 now..All of the sudden I wanted to explore anal sex...we started out small like with fingers and tongue to a toy and now we enjoy it about once a month.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

HisPlaceofInterest said:


> What do you mean? I do not wish to do anything incorrect.


No, you're fine. The trouble is, you're asking how's the water, but the rules state you gotta jump in, and then ask.

So...what's your kinky wife asking for?


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## HisPlaceofInterest (Feb 27, 2014)

Anon Pink said:


> Honey, you finally logged on!!!
> 
> Sorry, I know your not my honey. But I sure could be your wife, kinky crazy and scary the hell outta my H. "You want wha...? Gulp, Ummm okay we can do that...." I gotta say, I'm shock, shocked I tell you! I always thought men had such dirty minds and it turns out it's the women with the dirty minds!
> 
> So, what's the deal? Are you uncomfortable with what she's suggesting? Is it just cause it's new? Is it something that doesn't push your buttons? What's the problem?


Uncomfortable - yes

New - yes

Need time to catch up and advice on any short cuts people have found to get comfortable. 

Ooohhhhhhh it all pushes my buttons, some very very hot, some borderline - "You want wha...? Gulp, Ummm okay we can do that.... I gotta say, I'm shocked, shocked I tell you!"

I have used those exact words dozens of times over the last few months with the exception of the ending, ""You want wha...? Gulp, You want to do whaaa??? You want me to do whaaaaaaaaaaa??? Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, stammer, studder, turns all sorts of red, get heated up and swear I am having a male hot flash of sorts.

For twenty plus years we have been in the same pattern, with variations and variety but all within the same arena. Now we are all over the place with "such outthereness."


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## Coldie (Jan 2, 2014)

Over 20 and Anon Pink pretty much answered that. I called it a "fun" thread, because I do find them interesting and fun. However, it can get extremely dirty quick. "What type of sex games do you play?" Threads like this usually get closed. I do not know the reason, since this is the sex forum. But I guess it's just for problems, not for light hearted back and forth?


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## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

It would be helpful if you would give us some idea of where you think you dropped the ball.

Number one, if you aren't comfortable, no means no. That you are a man doesn't change a thing.

If you are inhibited because you are inhibited, you have to address that yourself.

If you aren't that into her enough to put in the effort but want her to think you just can't keep up, do her a favor and be honest. If it isn't gonna happen ever, she should know. She won't automatically cheat. Just give her the option to figure out what she can live with.

Are there any other options?


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

You know, this thread won't get closed if you come out say what it is you find difficult. Okay so it's out of character for her, not what you're used to.

I like it when my husband dominates me, ties me up, orders me around. Love it. But when I first suggested it, I think he probably had the same feeling you did. Now, we don't have any problems saying what we want.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

First time poster, won't provide info, just asking for us to provide input ... I'll wait for the OP to get clear before I post anything that may be helpful.


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## karma*girl (Apr 28, 2012)

As I've gotten older, I've become more comfortable with asking my husband to try more kinky things with me. 
I have to say that it doesn't mean I haven't wanted to try before- just now, I feel more comfortable bringing it up. Maybe she is reaching a point of confidence that she is now ready to ask you or tell you her dirtier thoughts. 
As a woman, to do this, can feel so risky. We technically aren't 'supposed' to think this way, but we do at times. I asked my husband to smack my a** hard & he wouldn't do it. He said he didn't feel comfortable doing that. So, now, if I am being totally honest, I am pretty tentative about asking for new, out of the box, sexual experiences.
But it can be so fun to explore! You've been together a long time..hopefully you can slowly build trust & comfort in exploring new avenues. It has the potential to bring you both to a new & deeper level of closeness.
Stay light-hearted if you can..go slow & just be open with her about your feelings, while being considerate of hers. 
Good Luck!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Sometimes women get more comfortable with their bodies as they get older and that opens them up to things.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## HisPlaceofInterest (Feb 27, 2014)

Anon Pink said:


> You know, this thread won't get closed if you come out say what it is you find difficult. Okay so it's out of character for her, not what you're used to.
> 
> I like it when my husband dominates me, ties me up, orders me around. Love it. But when I first suggested it, I think he probably had the same feeling you did. Now, we don't have any problems saying what we want.


Would you please ask him how he overcame any reservations?


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## over20 (Nov 15, 2013)

lifeistooshort said:


> Sometimes women get more comfortable with their bodies as they get older and that opens them up to things.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Exactly...your are very wise....especially when we feel secure in our marriage to our DH.....I would do anything he asks of me!


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## HisPlaceofInterest (Feb 27, 2014)

over20 said:


> I think because they can get very graphic.
> 
> Up until 6 years ago I was pretty vanilla...I am 43 now..All of the sudden I wanted to explore anal sex...we started out small like with fingers and tongue to a toy and now we enjoy it about once a month.


Well I am certainly trying to keep it from getting to graphic, so the thread doesn't get shut down. Since there are no clear examples all I can do is tread lightly.


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## HisPlaceofInterest (Feb 27, 2014)

Coldie said:


> Over 20 and Anon Pink pretty much answered that. I called it a "fun" thread, because I do find them interesting and fun. However, it can get extremely dirty quick. "What type of sex games do you play?" Threads like this usually get closed. I do not know the reason, since this is the sex forum. But I guess it's just for problems, not for light hearted back and forth?


I find that odd as well. Perhaps the admins should be more clear. I simply want helpful insight.


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## over20 (Nov 15, 2013)

We did start role playing and talking about our fantasies a lot more....such as a 3 way with so and so....knowing that we are completely committed to each other........making a tape/sexting is also fun!


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## HisPlaceofInterest (Feb 27, 2014)

karma*girl said:


> As I've gotten older, I've become more comfortable with asking my husband to try more kinky things with me.
> I have to say that it doesn't mean I haven't wanted to try before- just now, I feel more comfortable bringing it up. Maybe she is reaching a point of confidence that she is now ready to ask you or tell you her dirtier thoughts.
> As a woman, to do this, can feel so risky. We technically aren't 'supposed' to think this way, but we do at times. I asked my husband to smack my a** hard & he wouldn't do it. He said he didn't feel comfortable doing that. So, now, if I am being totally honest, I am pretty tentative about asking for new, out of the box, sexual experiences.
> But it can be so fun to explore! You've been together a long time..hopefully you can slowly build trust & comfort in exploring new avenues. It has the potential to bring you both to a new & deeper level of closeness.
> ...


Thank you. It is nice to hear someone state something that helps me know I am not alone in this. You mentioned how wives aren't supposed to think a certain way, the same goes for men I am noticing but in reverse. People often assume we are the sex nuts. We have been in a nice married routine that was wonderful. I am not scared of the new things it will take time to get used too though. My wife and I have discussed everything she told me she is always thinking of us and sex together, it is like someone flipped a switch to turbo, she says.

For 20 years plus, we have made love in a variety of positions like most people. We do typical foreplay, touching, feeling, light fingering, breast play, genital play, some minor anal play coinciding with our love making, and of course oral both ways. 69 has always been a fun part. We mix it up as per the mood even dressing for the occasion when desired.

Then all over a sudden this past year my wife begin masturbating, no not rub a dub dub but all out getting her groove on. Next came tasting, then the sex toys, and more tasting. All of the aforementioned came with enthusiastic exhibitionism, then came the media, texting & emailing me with wild sex messages – enough to make even me turn red, soon pictures and following a few weeks later, video clips. The pic and the clips had me slinking down in my seat covering my phone praying no security cameras were seeing it. She sends them to me all the time. I have been traveling a lot lately.

The new year brought new heights to her sexual exploration, her desire and request of me to perform similar to her current actions, you know, exchange like for like. It is out of my comfort zone, it shouldn’t be but it is, so how does one circumvent it? I have never found myself in this position.


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## HisPlaceofInterest (Feb 27, 2014)

clipclop2 said:


> It would be helpful if you would give us some idea of where you think you dropped the ball.
> 
> Number one, if you aren't comfortable, no means no. That you are a man doesn't change a thing.
> 
> ...


That is the desire - to get comfortable. I'd love to not get so out of sorts and feel uncomfortable.

As for being into my wife, oh my goodness of course I am into my wife. She is amazing! 

The option is for me to get comfortable.


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## HisPlaceofInterest (Feb 27, 2014)

lifeistooshort said:


> Sometimes women get more comfortable with their bodies as they get older and that opens them up to things.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Wow, that is helpful. That is amazing! That would explain so much about my wife. This is certainly an interesting age of life.


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## HisPlaceofInterest (Feb 27, 2014)

over20 said:


> Exactly...your are very wise....especially when we feel secure in our marriage to our DH.....I would do anything he asks of me!


I am trying to get to that exact same point. I want to and I get that it may take time but it sure would be nice to hear of some shortcuts people have found along the way.


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## HisPlaceofInterest (Feb 27, 2014)

Anon Pink said:


> No, you're fine. The trouble is, you're asking how's the water, but the rules state you gotta jump in, and then ask.
> 
> So...what's your kinky wife asking for?



As I wrote a few posts above my wife loves to do and would like for me, actually she says she would love for me to do the same things she is doing.


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## over20 (Nov 15, 2013)

great point!!!.....do you guys communicate well outside of the bedroom?...That is a huge plus


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

HisPlace,

You should be so pleased that she is coming to YOU for this wild sex and not looking to someone outside the marriage. I don't mean anything derogatory against your wife's character, but we see it over and over on TAM -- the wayward spouse complains that the other spouse just wasn't meeting their needs, poor communication, boredom, blah blah blah. 

Good that you came here for advice. Learn as much as you can, move along as quickly as you are comfortable, and buckle up -- you're in for one h*ll of a good ride!!

Many men on these boards would kill to be in your position!


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## HisPlaceofInterest (Feb 27, 2014)

over20 said:


> great point!!!.....do you guys communicate well outside of the bedroom?...That is a huge plus


Yes.

I will talk to her about being uncomfortable or embarrassed if I cannot overcome it. For now I am praying to learn from your experiences here and gleam what I can and who knows, maybe I can find a quicker path.


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## HisPlaceofInterest (Feb 27, 2014)

happy as a clam said:


> HisPlace,
> 
> You should be so pleased that she is coming to YOU for this wild sex and not looking to someone outside the marriage. I don't mean anything derogatory against your wife's character, but we see it over and over on TAM -- the wayward spouse complains that the other spouse just wasn't meeting their needs, poor communication, boredom, blah blah blah.
> 
> ...


I laughed deep and well - ty. You are so very correct. And as you stated, I am working to move along as quickly as possible to get comfortable. The ride has been pretty wild already and getting wilder. Yeeeeeehaaaaaaaaw! Lately I feel I should have been born in the wild wild west.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Your wife is into exhibitionism? And she wants to to join her? And you're camera shy? That's a tough one. 

Baby steps. Take a pick of a close up of your lovely erection all tucked away safe inside your boxers, ala congressman wiener. Then take a video, close up, of you rubbing your lovely erection. Would you be comfortable going this far?

Does watching your wife's videos turn you on at all? Can you think about what her message is when she sends these videos to you? She is a hot horny wife who wants her man to be thinking about her and eager to get home to her.

She wants you to send her the same kind of messages.

Lots of times, it's not that people are uncomfortable doing this stuff, it's that they don't think it will be good, well recieved, not measure up to what she might expect. Does this sound like what you're uncomfortable about?


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## over20 (Nov 15, 2013)

This topic is so Erotic.....plus I have had a few drinks....which means I need to log off and go dream........


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## HisPlaceofInterest (Feb 27, 2014)

Anon Pink said:


> Your wife is into exhibitionism? And she wants to to join her? And you're camera shy? That's a tough one.
> 
> Baby steps. Take a pick of a close up of your lovely erection all tucked away safe inside your boxers, ala congressman wiener. Then take a video, close up, of you rubbing your lovely erection. Would you be comfortable going this far?
> 
> ...


Your wife is into exhibitionism? Yes and so many more new things which some are amazing and others are, as I have said, embarrassing, and others, uncomfortable.

And she wants you to join her? And you're camera shy? Yes she wants me to do like wise. Holy cow, heck yes it is embarrassing. I turn beet red when she sends me her amazing texts, pics, and clips. I can rock hard in the middle of an elevator ride or heading to a meeting. Talk about embarrassing. It is a good embarrassment but take that to the next level and think how much more it is for me to do like wise. She wants me to stand in front her and stroke. She also want me to pose in crazy ways and not only that but also performing crazy acts. 

Holy moly - BINGO I think you may have hit the nail on the head in this area: "Lots of times, it's not that people are uncomfortable doing this stuff, it's that they don't think it will be good, well received, not measure up to what she might expect. Does this sound like what you're uncomfortable about?" I believe you are correct on this - wow, thanks. I will have a great night thinking on this further. Blessings!


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

I would encourage you, whatever specifics you two decide on, to foster an atmosphere of trust and genuine concern for each other in your relationship. I think realistically you have to go at the speed of the slower person, at least physically. As your trust and comfort level grows, more and more will naturally slide into place, I think. 

Best of luck.


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## askari (Jun 21, 2012)

over20 said:


> This topic is so Erotic.....plus I have had a few drinks....which means I need to log off and go dream........


Hope you had a 'wonderful' time Over!!! :smthumbup:

I know the OP didn't want any 'go with it' type comments.....all I can say is that providing its in private and you are 'both' consenting then anything goes.
Having anal on the bus might get you into a spot of trouble though!

Also have a 'safe' word, something you say when 'no...don't...stop' really does mean stop.

I remember a particular GF (sadly didnt become my wife...wish she had... ).....'courgettes'....it was rarely used but on the very rare occasion it meant 'stop, enough'...


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## BostonBruins32 (Nov 2, 2013)

HisPlaceofInterest said:


> Thank you. It is nice to hear someone state something that helps me know I am not alone in this. You mentioned how wives aren't supposed to think a certain way, the same goes for men I am noticing but in reverse. People often assume we are the sex nuts. We have been in a nice married routine that was wonderful. I am not scared of the new things it will take time to get used too though. My wife and I have discussed everything she told me she is always thinking of us and sex together, it is like someone flipped a switch to turbo, she says.
> 
> For 20 years plus, we have made love in a variety of positions like most people. We do typical foreplay, touching, feeling, light fingering, breast play, genital play, some minor anal play coinciding with our love making, and of course oral both ways. 69 has always been a fun part. We mix it up as per the mood even dressing for the occasion when desired.
> 
> ...


You have 2 choices. Get on board for the ride or let someone else get on board. 

You can have boundaries, but I would recommend at least giving her requests a shot. I would also consider offering her good feedback, even if you are a bit shocked internally.


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## usmarriedguy (Dec 9, 2013)

I agree with Anon and jld,
You sound pretty shy and so I think your wife just needs to understand that and give you time to adjust. 

Often effort is as or more important than the actual act. If your wife knows that you are making a sincere effort that will go a long way.

I have never masturbated in front of a woman and can imagine it would really feel weird. Think of ways that might ease you into it. Maybe start with a very dark room. If she wants to do video than maybe start by doing that together. 

I think it is also reasonable to expect a person male or female to have certain limits that they should not have to cross.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

You know...from the way you are describing this, I'm a little worried about what else your wife is up to.

Do you have any way of knowing that she isn't sending the pics and vids to others?


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## HisPlaceofInterest (Feb 27, 2014)

jld said:


> I would encourage you, whatever specifics you two decide on, to foster an atmosphere of trust and genuine concern for each other in your relationship. I think realistically you have to go at the speed of the slower person, at least physically. As your trust and comfort level grows, more and more will naturally slide into place, I think.
> 
> Best of luck.


"Woooooo nelly," as the old wagon trains might say. I get that. I will keep that in mind when my wife wants to go to fast. I will work on a pleasant way to let her know I need to slow down without quenching her. Any thoughts from you on how or what you might say? TY


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## HisPlaceofInterest (Feb 27, 2014)

usmarriedguy said:


> I agree with Anon and jld,
> You sound pretty shy and so I think your wife just needs to understand that and give you time to adjust.
> 
> Often effort is as or more important than the actual act. If your wife knows that you are making a sincere effort that will go a long way.
> ...


I never thought of myself shy. I know I am not in any other area of my life so why should I be with the love of my life, a woman I have "known" for decades. Crazy isn't it? It is not like we don't have wonderfully fun sex, even creative, though within certain parameters that somehow established themselves a long time ago. I mean being in the 69 position is about as personal and uninhibited as it gets, or so I thought. We have seen one another nude for decades. Why am I getting so darn self conscious all of a sudden? And yes we are both athletic and fit so it is not that. Anyway moving on...

I agree with the needing time to adjust. Touching myself for her pleases her to no end but I feel so darn awkward. Okay again moving on...

Oh wow, I like this, "Often effort is as or more important than the actual act. If your wife knows that you are making a sincere effort that will go a long way." 

Now that is discerning. I have been so wrapped up in trying not be so blasted off balanced that I didn't think about the effort. This is a great topic to speak with my wife about, a wonderful way to open a dialogue about my internal clumsiness. 

Blessings and many thanks. We are both off tonight, it will be a welcome discussion.


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## Coldie (Jan 2, 2014)

It also sounds like she enjoys shocking and embarrassing you. She loves knowing it turns you on and at the same time it makes you squirm in your skin. That makes it extra fun and kinky. 

Not in a bad way though. But if you were numb to it all, it would be like drinking after you turn 21. Not that special.


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## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

HisPlaceofInterest said:


> I agree with the needing time to adjust. Touching myself for her pleases her to no end but I feel so darn awkward. Okay again moving on...


I think of it as deprogramming myself. As my wife has become more adventurous, things that were explicitly off the table forever are now implicitly on the table. While she still can't quite verbalize that she wants to try, she talks about loving how I am taking control in the bedroom and her actions point to wanting these things. 

My issue is overcoming 20 years of programming. Not something I can do overnight, but we are getting there (and having a hell of a good time doing it).


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## HisPlaceofInterest (Feb 27, 2014)

Faithful Wife said:


> You know...from the way you are describing this, I'm a little worried about what else your wife is up to.
> 
> Do you have any way of knowing that she isn't sending the pics and vids to others?


I have no reason to expect anything like that. The increase in her sexual prowess has been over the last year, only with the new year adding to the more...how does one say it... outlandish, no, perhaps bold, yes bold. The word is bold. Only this new year has she become more bold with me. 

She had never masturbated vigorously, played with her breasts in such a manner, no use toys to this affect but gradually over last year she not only played more she became more open to me about it. Then came the tasting (yeah I know, I shuttered too). Then came the live shows she loves to put on for me, then pics, video clips, and soon sending them to me with texting at all hours of the day. She works only a few hours daily now and had a lot of free time to play so this is what she plays at.

This new year she has been want me to play, exhibit, show off, what ever you call it, get off for her, etc. Last night she told me she would absolutely love for me to put on an entire weekend show for her birthday asking me to prepare for it, which gives me 5 months or so. I have a birthday coming up this weekend and she asked what I wanted for the entire weekend. I knew what she was hinting at so I told her I'd work on it today. I have a light work week and even lighter today.

As for how would I know if my wife is sending info to others, I have no idea. I am not tech savvy which leads me to my biggest concern. With all the wild and VERY compromising things she sends me, how secure is all of it? I do not know how she'd react to it all of a sudden turning up all over the internet or in our neighborhood but I know it would make things strange with our friends.

Now that you mention it I do not feel my wife would send this to anyone else. She clearly loves me and our relationship, she simply has a new super active sex drive that I am praying to never stifle or hinder and to be as much a part of as possible. I am trying.


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## HisPlaceofInterest (Feb 27, 2014)

Coldie said:


> It also sounds like she enjoys shocking and embarrassing you. She loves knowing it turns you on and at the same time it makes you squirm in your skin. That makes it extra fun and kinky.
> 
> Not in a bad way though. But if you were numb to it all, it would be like drinking after you turn 21. Not that special.


Again with the wow! I just never think of things like this. Great point yet again! One for more discussion with her tonight.

That makes so much sense.


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## HisPlaceofInterest (Feb 27, 2014)

Tall Average Guy said:


> I think of it as deprogramming myself. As my wife has become more adventurous, things that were explicitly off the table forever are now implicitly on the table. While she still can't quite verbalize that she wants to try, she talks about loving how I am taking control in the bedroom and her actions point to wanting these things.
> 
> My issue is overcoming 20 years of programming. Not something I can do overnight, but we are getting there (and having a hell of a good time doing it).


Talk about summing it all up in a great explanation - overcoming 20 years of programming - and yes thus far I agree it HAS been a heck of a good time getting to where we currently are. As always I pray I can carry to the next step. It is getting pretty "out there."


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

HisPlaceofInterest said:


> "Woooooo nelly," as the old wagon trains might say. I get that. I will keep that in mind when my wife wants to go to fast. I will work on a pleasant way to let her know I need to slow down without quenching her. Any thoughts from you on how or what you might say? TY


First of all, I am glad to hear you say that you don't think she would share any of these videos she has made with anyone. We have never done that kind of thing, and while I am sure dh would love to have that available to him when travelling, we are both a little concerned about somehow that unintentionally falling into the wrong hands. Even two willing spouses need to face practical, safe limits, I think.

I have written my story here on various threads, one on kink here in SIM, and I contributed quite a bit to As'laDain's thread in private (you may not have access there yet, as you need 30 posts). I have always been into power exchanges, and after I had been with dh about a month, it started to display itself. I just felt comfortable revealing that part of myself, I guess. Things built in intensity, until at one point dh offered me a lifestyle of it. It sounded exciting, erotic, and totally natural . . . but I was ultimately afraid of losing myself to him. I think I was just too young (23).

Okay, I am getting lost in my own life story. To make a long story short, where I am right now is that I want us to have more time for ourselves, for just investing in our marriage. Dh seems willing, but is obviously interested in keeping this from the kids (you are so lucky you don't have this very limiting issue!). I am just happy he is on board, because certain things I asked for for the last 7 years used to just get a flat out "No!" due to always having kids around (we homeschool).

You need to feel comfortable saying No when you cannot conscientiously and comfortably say Yes. Your wife has to be able to hear that. Stress that you are in this marriage together, and want the best for one another. Get that mutual agreement down. Expect that as you proceed, you may each take turns being the impatient one. Offer love, support, understanding and . . . patience.

Is this specific enough?


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## keeper63 (Mar 22, 2012)

Having boundaries and being able to communicate them is key.

Generally speaking, my wife's and my sexual boundaries have to do with bringing third parties into our sex life, and anything that has to do with intentional pain or humiliation.

We don't really do any anal play or penetration anymore, we tried that several times when we were younger, and it doesn't do anything for either of us (I don't like the mess and smell). My wife generally doesn't swallow, but she has in the past, and has mentioned that she might consider doing it again under the right circumstances (i.e. when she is drunk). She has no problems with facials, or bondage, or role play, we do those fairly regularly. If she wanted to peg me, I wouldn't be thrilled about it, but would go along with it if it made her happy.

We sext each other all the time, but are afraid of pics and video getting into the wrong hands and being seen by our kids and co-workers (we are both corporate professionals).

My advice would be to be open-minded and communicative with your wife regarding her new sexual proclivities. She may go back to being less adventurous just as quickly, so enjoy it while it lasts.


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## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

I'm going to second what Faithful Wife said. Be on the safe side -- you might not be the only person getting these videos/photos. Check your cell records. 

Does she work?


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

I hope you are right, but you better do some snooping to make sure.

If she is home alone with the computer all the time and having these ideas to make vids of herself and wants them from you... then she most likely at a minimum is looking at vids of others.

Do you know if she watches the type of vids she likes?


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## Thunder7 (Jan 2, 2013)

HisPlaceofInterest said:


> Then all over a sudden this past year my wife begin masturbating, no not rub a dub dub but all out getting her groove on. Next came tasting, then the sex toys, and more tasting. All of the aforementioned came with enthusiastic exhibitionism, then came the media, texting & emailing me with wild sex messages – enough to make even me turn red, soon pictures and following a few weeks later, video clips. The pic and the clips had me slinking down in my seat covering my phone praying no security cameras were seeing it. She sends them to me all the time. I have been traveling a lot lately.
> 
> The new year brought new heights to her sexual exploration, her desire and request of me to perform similar to her current actions, you know, exchange like for like. It is out of my comfort zone, it shouldn’t be but it is, so how does one circumvent it? I have never found myself in this position.



I'm sorry, I know you said no congratulatory posts, but damn! That deserves an internet high five. And that's coming from someone who wishes his wife would cut loose a bit more. She has fun in bed, but rarely just let's it all go. We've been together 20+ years. You're situation still gives me a glimmer of hope. :smthumbup:


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## HisPlaceofInterest (Feb 27, 2014)

jld said:


> First of all, I am glad to hear you say that you don't think she would share any of these videos she has made with anyone. We have never done that kind of thing, and while I am sure dh would love to have that available to him when travelling, we are both a little concerned about somehow that unintentionally falling into the wrong hands. Even two willing spouses need to face practical, safe limits, I think.


EXACTLY what I was thinking. What on earth if someone else saw them? I hear about people getting hacked all the time. I know nothing about security on phones. 




jld said:


> I have written my story here on various threads, one on kink here in SIM, and I contributed quite a bit to As'laDain's thread in private (you may not have access there yet, as you need 30 posts). I have always been into power exchanges, and after I had been with dh about a month, it started to display itself. I just felt comfortable revealing that part of myself, I guess. Things built in intensity, until at one point dh offered me a lifestyle of it. It sounded exciting, erotic, and totally natural . . . but I was ultimately afraid of losing myself to him. I think I was just too young (23).
> 
> Okay, I am getting lost in my own life story. To make a long story short, where I am right now is that I want us to have more time for ourselves, for just investing in our marriage. Dh seems willing, but is obviously interested in keeping this from the kids (you are so lucky you don't have this very limiting issue!). I am just happy he is on board, because certain things I asked for for the last 7 years used to just get a flat out "No!" due to always having kids around (we homeschool).
> 
> ...


Yes thank you so very much for your input. I like the point you made about each of us will have our moments of impatience. so very true.


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## HisPlaceofInterest (Feb 27, 2014)

keeper63 said:


> She may go back to being less adventurous just as quickly, so enjoy it while it lasts.


And of course I do not want to miss out on any of it. I love her either way but I am a creature of habit and since I am making the effort and change to ride along with her I sure would hate for it to come to an abrupt halt. That would be down right cruel given all the effort it is taking.

I can handle the sexting back and forth. So we are clear on that.

We are not so clear on the video & picture thing. I have tried to get her to understand the security issues. She feels it is safe enough.

She into and loves the oral & such that goes with it wanting me to be into it as well. The same goes for masturbation and toy play. I am perfectly fine with her and I am working on that with regards to me. Pegging – I had to look that up – wow I hope she doesn’t go there.

Our main boundary is that everything stays in the marriage. We are both clear on monogamy.


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## HisPlaceofInterest (Feb 27, 2014)

clipclop2 said:


> I'm going to second what Faithful Wife said. Be on the safe side -- you might not be the only person getting these videos/photos. Check your cell records.
> 
> Does she work?


Yes she works - straight hours. It is on her breaks she sends me stuff and when she is at home she makes the clips and pics as well as sends them to me. Most often it is live talk after she is off work and I am able to take her call.


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## HisPlaceofInterest (Feb 27, 2014)

Faithful Wife said:


> I hope you are right, but you better do some snooping to make sure.
> 
> If she is home alone with the computer all the time and having these ideas to make vids of herself and wants them from you... then she most likely at a minimum is looking at vids of others.
> 
> Do you know if she watches the type of vids she likes?


Neither of us watch sex videos except what she has produced with the exception of some sex training tapes we used back in the day of early marriage.

She is only home alone at nights after work when I am out of town, and the occasional weekend. I have not noticed anything on the computer.


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## HisPlaceofInterest (Feb 27, 2014)

Thunder7 said:


> I'm sorry, I know you said no congratulatory posts, but damn! That deserves an internet high five. And that's coming from someone who wishes his wife would cut loose a bit more. She has fun in bed, but rarely just let's it all go. We've been together 20+ years. You're situation still gives me a glimmer of hope. :smthumbup:


Apparently there is hope when you least expect it - lol. :smthumbup:

I would have never in a million years believed anyone if they had told me this was heading my way.

That is why I am working so diligently to not goof it up.


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