# Just not that into him anymore.



## Pastapali7 (Dec 16, 2015)

Hello, I'm new to this site and I have a few questions. I've been married for 7 years, have 4 children under the age of 8 and am not even 30. I have an excellent job with a fortune 500 company after 7 years of being a stay at home mom. I recently graduated from college and feel everything is beginning to bloom for me...however. Whenever I get a job I start to feel distant from my husband, I don't want to sleep with him and I don't feel connected to him. He has had the same job for 5 years with no raise or promotion, he is an excellent father, but a terrible husband. Anytime I try to talk to him about anything, he may mumble, but then the conversation instantly becomes about him...this is annnooooyyyyyyinnnggg! I also have not been sexually satisfied by him in about 3 years, his penis isn't the biggest, but it could be worsr. The size isn't the problem. ..it's just that after 5 or 10 minutes. ..he is finished. ..I mean SNORING FINISHED. This leaves me hot and bothered and angry. He asked me not to masterbate, but I don't know what else to do. How should I approach him about this if at all?


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Get the emotional stuff straightened out, don't accept attention from men at work, tell your h in manner in which you are not angry about your gripes and the seriousness of them---/ the rest may straighten itself out.

What gets you off? Oral? Tell him. Show him what to do. Take a shower before having sex so you smell/taste good. Tell him and show him how to touch you to get you there before starting the piv thing.

You need to place your relationship as top priority, as you are sounding ripe for an affair. Not judging, just letting you know how this ends usually if you don't straighten out the line.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Pastapali7 (Dec 16, 2015)

I agree. ..I have considered one, but I told my husband how I felt and all he could say was, "if that will make you happy, I'll still be here." I will try to open up more to him, I'm not comfortable initiating sex at all.


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

Whhhooo slow down sparky!

You packed a lot into that post.

This isn't about work or sex.

Be very careful - you are in a negative spiral about him - before you know it you will have yourself believing he's a jerk, you never loved him, and you deserve better.

Take a step back. What did you love about him in the past? What were his good qualities? What did you admire about him?

I suspect there was a lot of good there.

It sounds like you have let things fester and are setting yourself up for your next move. That's really not fair and its the type of thing good and decent people don't do.

See a therapist to help organize your thoughts if necessary. Be honest about the good and bad. Lay it out for him and get some marriage counciling. Many MC therapists are terrible so keep trying until you get a good one. Work out your issues.

Why do all this? Because you are not happy and not satisfied. It could be H, or it could be you, or it could be both of you. By dealing with it now in MC you will be in better shape for this OR your next relationship.

I hope you realize that the way you posted sounded like you were building up justification for cheating or leaving - rather than asking for help to fix your marriage. 7 and 20 years seem to be stressful times for marriages so it might not be as bad as you think it is.


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

Tell him to come here and that your marriage is on the rocks if that's true. We'll tell him to man up and get with the program. TAM is pretty rough on guys that are nice but losing their wives. If that's the problem - he's too much of a nice guy and you want more action in life and the bedroom send him here.


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## jdawg2015 (Feb 12, 2015)

Do you just recent graduate college and now somehow think your are better then him? 

Does your husband make comparable wages and have a comparable education? So you were fully supported by your husband for you to get an education and now that you have it, you think you can do better? That's what I see.

You need to get this on the table with your husband.

By the way, under 30 and 4 kids? You aren't exactly desirable in the dating pool so be careful before you think you are some kind of catch.
I see you are putting everything on your husband. So what are your faults?


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## Pastapali7 (Dec 16, 2015)

Actually, my husband is working on his doctoral degree. He just isn't ambitious, we've known each other since we were two. He is a counselor, so he feels we don't need counseling. His father is a pastor, so he feels we should pray about EVERYTHING. I know my worth and how I look, dating would NOT be a problem for me nor an interest. If something were to happen between my h and i, I'd rather focus on raising our beautiful children than get back into the mess that is the dating world.


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## Pastapali7 (Dec 16, 2015)

I honestly just don't know what to do, of course I have faults, I'm mean, controlling and distant, but this is after years of trying to reach him. Our last child was born with special needs and our marriage hit rock bottom after that, I lost him when we had her. He won't even discuss her condition.


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## abart (Aug 5, 2014)

Well no offence i think you are having an affair or planning on having one. If you are planning on then DON'T DO IT, no coming back from that


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## Pastapali7 (Dec 16, 2015)

I'm not having an affair, I have nothing to lose in this forum. I am going to be completely honest regardless of how it makes me seem because I do in fact want to save my marriage.


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## Pastapali7 (Dec 16, 2015)

I need to know from an objective man's point of view how to reach him and what I'm doing wrong. We have sex about once every 2 weeks, he wants to more but I'm always so tired. When I am in the mood he is angry with me because now he's too tired. It's a catch 22. We used to have sex 5 or 6 times a day, but when our lo was born, we stop for obvious reasons and once she was about 6 months she's had surgeries and procedures that require overnight stays...it's draining emotionally and physically. Sex is the LAST THOUGHT on my mind. Every time I get a good job, my h says he'd rather me be home with the children so I quit, then when money is tight he ask me to find a job. I think I'm just really drained. I want to tell him all of this, but he tells me I'm being dramatic and nagging if I bring it up. How should I approach him without seeming "naggy?


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

Pastapali7 said:


> I need to know from an objective man's point of view how to reach him and what I'm doing wrong. We have sex about once every 2 weeks, he wants to more but I'm always so tired. When I am in the mood he is angry with me because now he's too tired. It's a catch 22. We used to have sex 5 or 6 times a day, but when our lo was born, we stop for obvious reasons and once she was about 6 months she's had surgeries and procedures that require overnight stays...it's draining emotionally and physically. Sex is the LAST THOUGHT on my mind. Every time I get a good job, my h says he'd rather me be home with the children so I quit, then when money is tight he ask me to find a job. I think I'm just really drained. I want to tell him all of this, but he tells me I'm being dramatic and nagging if I bring it up. How should I approach him without seeming "naggy?


5 or 6 times a DAY?? Did you mean a week? 

You have so many issues going on here. He's obviously wrong about not needing a counselor because he is one! He also sounds pretty bad in bed.....does he know this?


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## knobcreek (Nov 18, 2015)

You married him likely as equals when you were uneducated and had no job, now you're educated with a good job and you think you can do better. Maybe you can, I don't know. I guess it comes down to whether you really love him, or are you playing the martyr by staying with him? What do your vows mean? What does having a stable home life for your kids mean?



jdawg said:


> By the way, under 30 and 4 kids? You aren't exactly desirable in the dating pool so be careful before you think you are some kind of catch.


This may seem harsh but it's potentially true, having four kids under 30 you will end up with a lot of losers, white knights looking to save you, potentially pedophiles looking for a vulnerable woman with young children. Many good guys in their late 20's or early 30's are not looking to inherit four of some other guys kids, one, maybe two OK, but four pretty much ensures he's not having many or any of his own. It's not a reason to not work your way out of a bad situation, and it doesn't mean you can't find a good guy, just the search will be harder and it's something to put into the pro/con list. In your 40's or 50's it's likely not as big a deal because most guys are not looking for kids of their own at that point, and yours would be older anyway, so someone you're dating will think "two are out of the house and the other two in HS, I just have to ride it out a few years".


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

Pastapali7 glad you came here and have opened up a bit more. You'll get lots of feedback here, hopefully.

First, I'll throw some thoughts out from a mans perspective. This isn't to defend H or even address his issues but to give a perspective.

Special needs kids and multiple births take a toll on a marriage and many men can't handle it and the marriages break down. I'm sorry toy have to deal with this. I have 2 sets of twins and my wife is an early childhood special education teacher. Many of her parents haven't yet come o terms with the issues their kids and families face.

I suspect the reasons these marriages fail in such high numbers is the men are abandoned emotionally and don't have the ability to understand it (lacking clear understanding of their emotions) and the heart to stand up and scream "I need attention too!"

Please read His Needs Her Needs (vice versa?). I checked it out at the library on a whim after reading about it in TAM and it completely changed my perspective on marriage. It's a very easy read. To cartoon it, it explains that men's #1 need is often sex whereas women value communication, financial security, etc. I don't think sex even makes the top 5 For most women.

About men, sex, and their bond and emotions toward their wives... First most men don't know diddly about their own emotions. Sure anger and happy maybe. At age 5 my girls were more in tune with their emotions than most men. So if a man is hurt or sad about being neglected by his W he may think he is angry or upset. He won't understand hurt and won't express it. Women will respond to hurt well before anger. So men can spend years growing distant with hurt and not express it (as can women).

Regarding sex - why is it the#1 need? Cultural of course, but also basic testosterone. But there's an evolutionary trick here IMO. Men can kill to defend their cave with no consideration of the "predator" or the family they leave behind. We see it every day in the news - acting before feeling. I believe it's the testosterone. But in a marriage, that's not so good. Sex releases chemicals that bind us, but testosterone also drops dramatically allowing men to feel. This is the time to connect and bond and feel love. I can tell you personally - about a year ago we changed everything after understanding this - we are intimate at some level every night regardless if fatigue - and my connection to my wife is literally 10 times stronger. So the pawing and "only thinking about sex" that women see can be a cry for intimacy and bonding and love.

Regarding moms - these family situations cause women to double down on the maternal instincts. The kids are #1. Requests for sex and attention by H can be greated with anger, resentment, even disgust. The message is clear to H - he doesn't even count. You see men seem self sufficient and independent and string - but if you read the book u recommended you will see "respect" and "admiration" among a mans top needs next to sex. This push back is magnified in its impact since it is the opposite of his needs.

Of course you have needs as does your child - this was just an honest explanation of what goes on under the covers in men's minds. More to come later


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

I am surprised that he is a counselor and does not realize he is not meeting your needs! 

And you have tried to tell him what you need, and he just rejects hearing it. 

I really feel bad for you, OP. Hang onto that job. You will need it if you two end up divorced.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Pastapali7 (Dec 16, 2015)

No, I meant a day. We couldn't get enough of each other. After our lo was born, he disconnected and so did I.


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## Pastapali7 (Dec 16, 2015)

Wow, I'm going to Barnes and Noble today to purchase the book. I willing to try anything to connect at this point. The psychology community is tightly knot where we live (small town USA) and word travels amongst professionals. He doesn't want to be a topic of conversation amongst his peers.


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## Pastapali7 (Dec 16, 2015)

I hate auto correct, but you understand what I'm saying hopefully. I am not here to secretly bash my husband, just get honest, objective and thoughtful insight. I am already beginning to see how he may be feeling.


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

Well if his marriage is suffering he may just have to suck it up. Most psychologists see a psychologist too... They typically aren't worried about the appearance of seeing a shrink. I know a few and my dad was one.

There are also Skype shrinks you can see out of town.

He is waaaaaay off base about needing one based on what you've posted. It's possible he doesn't see the problems which is why he's passive about this.

Also - the "I'll be here for you" - you explicitly said you might have an affair and he said that??? Can you clarify that? Because if that's the case, he either had very low self esteem if he is passively trying to manipulate you saying "if you're that broken, go ahead - but it's in you, not me". But I may have misread what you said and don't know how he operates.


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## Observer (Aug 23, 2011)

TheTruthHurts said:


> Pastapali7 glad you came here and have opened up a bit more. You'll get lots of feedback here, hopefully.
> 
> First, I'll throw some thoughts out from a mans perspective. This isn't to defend H or even address his issues but to give a perspective.
> 
> ...


Great post!


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## Pastapali7 (Dec 16, 2015)

About a year ago there was this guy at my job who showed me so much attention and always wanted to see pictures of my family. He was recently divorced so I was trying to be there for him, but somewhere along the line I really started liking the attention. I told my h immediately and he stated that if I felt that way he understood and even if I cheat he will understand and be here for me...it broke me completely because I felt he had no desire to fight for me. Had he told me that, I would have said what do you need from me! ?!? I didn't cheat, but it made me feel odd about everything. My husband has never cheated, neither have I and I'd like to be complete again in my marriage.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
He is working on a PhD and raising 4 kids, so I can well understand that he isn't also trying to get a better job now. At least in some cases a PhD program is an enormous amount of work. Once he finishes he will be in a much better situation to get a good job. (is he full time in is PhD program?)

Being married to someone still in school can be tough - it seems like they are somehow behind - not going anywhere. I think my wife was not very happy when I was a PhD student. She earned more money, had a "real" job etc. One I got out though, I was on a much faster career path - and now I have what by most standards is a much better job than she does. You may just need to be patient. 

As far as your sex life - you have every right to expect a satisfying sex life. Have you told him what you want? Don't assume that he knows if you haven't told him. If he finishes too quickly for you, is he willing to do things to please you beforehand? If he *wants* to please you, this can be fixed. If he doesn't care, then it is a more serious problem.


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

Pastapali7 said:


> About a year ago there was this guy at my job who showed me so much attention and always wanted to see pictures of my family. He was recently divorced so I was trying to be there for him, but somewhere along the line I really started liking the attention. I told my h immediately and he stated that if I felt that way he understood and even if I cheat he will understand and be here for me...it broke me completely because I felt he had no desire to fight for me. Had he told me that, I would have said what do you need from me! ?!? I didn't cheat, but it made me feel odd about everything. My husband has never cheated, neither have I and I'd like to be complete again in my marriage.


On TAM many would say you already had an affair - an EA - emotional affair.

It sound like your EA and his response were rug swept. This will then continue to undermine your relationship.

Be very aware that your EA probably distorted your thinking in some ways due to the brain chemistry involved when we are aroused, feel desired, feel desirable, connect with someone, etc.

Women will often respond to the onslaught of chemicals by choosing one partner over another. In the process the other ones faults are amplified and the new interest is even shinier in your mind.

Even if your EA was only an EA-light - it still probably distorted your thinking in some ways. So don't discount this by saying "no it was just a work friendship". That's exactly where married women are ensnared in affairs.

BTW I am not judging you - and your H probably understands this too and may have felt that your coming to him with the information meant you had stopped it before it went too far, but if it had, he understood the way we lose control of our thoughts to some degree due to the brain chemistry and was saying even then he would understand

But that is still unacceptable. Just as you didn't process your EA as a couple, you also didn't process his response as a couple.

Did you tell him how that made you feel? Like some guy could try to steal your affections and he wouldn't care enough to fight for you? How that lowered his worth in your eyes and your relationship in your eyes? You need to talk to him about these things

If it's hard to revisit these things, I suggest you find your own skype councilor and just start the process. (Again many stink so don't stick with a bad one). Should be one who specifically works on infidelity and marriage. Many don't understand infidelity and what caused it and how to avoid it. Anyway start and then tell H where you are once you do. Ask him to attend with you for the sake of your marriage. Tell him you need it because you want an independent person to help you guys communicate - it isn't fair with him being a psychologist.

These are just suggestions... But I do think you need to drive these demons out if your marriage, not rug sweep them.


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## Pastapali7 (Dec 16, 2015)

I told him, what he said was that, he loves me so much that I could never do anything to drive him away. This dialog has caused me to examine my intentions and attitude toward my marriage. I will go to him on Monday and discuss counseling options. He will be out of town on business training until Friday and I don't want to overwhelm him as soon as he comes back.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

TheTruthHurts said:


> Well if his marriage is suffering he may just have to suck it up. Most psychologists see a psychologist too... They typically aren't worried about the appearance of seeing a shrink. I know a few and my dad was one.
> 
> absolutely. lawyers hire lawyers when they have problems. dr.s go see drs., et. 'don't need to see a psychologist because i am one is nothing but an avoidance technique. and by the way, you don't need to be a psychologist to know that.
> 
> ...


no kidding! if he was being sarcastic or not, there's something REAL wrong with that picture. maybe he needs to see a psychologist


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## Pastapali7 (Dec 16, 2015)

It seems like I'm unloading because I am, I've never spoken to anyone about these feelings, so I apologize if I'm emotionally vomitting.


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

Pastapali7 said:


> It seems like I'm unloading because I am, I've never spoken to anyone about these feelings, so I apologize if I'm emotionally vomitting.


We have an unending supply of buckets. let the vomitting continue!

Seriously! It's anonymous and a great way to dump then organize your thoughts.


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

I'm not trying to put thoughts on your head, but if you need H to get out of his head space and into the gym, you should bring that up at the appropriate time. I don't know where you stand in this, but we are sometimes embarrassed to admit what we are attracted to. If our spouse isn't that way, but could be, it's ok to lovingly ask for that.

Your post title is scary to me. It says you've lost attraction. The issues we discussed are probably the actual reasons and if they are addressed, you might get the attraction back.

Sometimes, though, women like smart, thoughtful guys but after a while wouldn't mind a bit more testosterone to show up once in a while. If that's the case and he can change, you should feel it's ok to put it out there.

Of course he could always come back with a request for more femininity and less clothing


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

You say he changed once your child was born. I'm trying to figure out if maybe due to all the health issues requiring so much care and time, that he eventually felt replaced by your child. Your focus was there for a prolonged time. It's obvious to me why of course, but sometimes men feel last after a baby comes. I can imagine with the surgeries and extended supervision that feeling increased for him exponentially. 

You went from sex multiple times a day to much less. Men bond through sex so it's possible he lost the bond as he started down a path to a "meh" state. I think (and I could be wrong) that he resents losing all of your attention, so passively punishes you in the same way he felt neglected.

I'm not saying it's right, but it's a guess. If I'm at all correct, as a counselor he should know that his resentment is a total poison to the relationship. I think he loved who you were and what you had before the baby. In his struggle to grasp the changes that occurred, he went numb and lost hope of having that time back. Now he coasts, not hating you, but not loving you as he once did. 

So, if I'm not wildly off here, I think you have a challenge ahead. Are you giving him affection like the old days? Are you doing things with only him? Are you still making out and showing him you want him? If no, I think you will have to forcibly curb your own resentment to try. Call it an experiment and prepare for slow results that may backfire now and then. Keep trying and don't give up unless you're absolutely sure there's no salvaging your marriage. If he hurts you with passive aggressiveness, you tell him you won't tolerate emotional starvation any longer.

Although you say he's never cheated, I'd add, "that you know of." Never discount the possibility with an emotionally distant spouse, and keep an eye out for proof. 

Is he an involved dad? Did he really want a child with you? Just trying to get a better picture before my mind makes any more assumptions.

Oh, and stay away from other men that give you validation. You want to try to save your marriage, so you'll have to crack down. Your H may have rugswept your EA because he was too disconnected to care. 

Give your efforts an end date, like 6 months. If no change by then, make plans to divorce.


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## Pastapali7 (Dec 16, 2015)

So, after all of this excellent advice I spoke to my H last night. I laid all my cards on the table and told him EXACTLY HOW I FELT. I asked him to do the same. He told me that he wants sex all the time because I don't give him the attention that I used to, he also said that if I doted on him more that there would be some reciprocity. He told me that he pushes issues with our LO aside because it hurts him so bad to see all that she has to go through and he's figuring out a healthy way to deal. He needs to hear I love you more and feel I care as much about him as I do our children and he wants me not to talk to him in a disrespectful manner regarding his mother. He said he will no longer allow his mother to meddle and he will go to the gym at least twice a week. He knows that the way to an orgasm for me is emotionally and is committed to turning me on before we hit the bedroom and also being spontaneous, like we used to be. As far as the ea, he doesn't feel it was one because I didn't keep anything from him and recognizes he needs to see it for what it was. Lastly, he agreed to counseling! !!!!!!!!!!! I never realized until I came here how our actions fed off one another and had spiraled...badly. I am grateful for this eye opener.


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## Spotthedeaddog (Sep 27, 2015)

TheTruthHurts said:


> Well if his marriage is suffering he may just have to suck it up. Most psychologists see a psychologist too... They typically aren't worried about the appearance of seeing a shrink. I know a few and my dad was one.


Professionally they supposed to have peer support, to make sure they don't get too immersed or obsessed with what they're exposed to.


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## Spotthedeaddog (Sep 27, 2015)

TheTruthHurts said:


> Why do all this? Because you are not happy and not satisfied. It could be H, or it could be you, or it could be both of you. By dealing with it now in MC you will be in better shape for this OR your next relationship.


Both of them I would say, but from circumstance. And yet I get the feeling he's really being a bit of an ahole about the whole deal. Perhaps resenting his wifes career and/or happiness in her career - especially if she is excited about that and not excited about him.

It really is going to be a matter of working out boundaries, budgets, expecetations, hopes and dreams. It might be that he thought he'd be the provider and she would look after the child personally and he never got to thinking about much more than that. So now what does he do? She don't do sex, so he won't communicate properly....

How much time does he spend with you and your child doing family participation?

And you better both be making sure you've got the job list (or a maid&cook and payment shared formally)


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

Pastapali7 said:


> So, after all of this excellent advice I spoke to my H last night. I laid all my cards on the table and told him EXACTLY HOW I FELT. I asked him to do the same. He told me that he wants sex all the time because I don't give him the attention that I used to, he also said that if I doted on him more that there would be some reciprocity. He told me that he pushes issues with our LO aside because it hurts him so bad to see all that she has to go through and he's figuring out a healthy way to deal. He needs to hear I love you more and feel I care as much about him as I do our children and he wants me not to talk to him in a disrespectful manner regarding his mother. He said he will no longer allow his mother to meddle and he will go to the gym at least twice a week. He knows that the way to an orgasm for me is emotionally and is committed to turning me on before we hit the bedroom and also being spontaneous, like we used to be. As far as the ea, he doesn't feel it was one because I didn't keep anything from him and recognizes he needs to see it for what it was. Lastly, he agreed to counseling! !!!!!!!!!!! I never realized until I came here how our actions fed off one another and had spiraled...badly. I am grateful for this eye opener.


It's easy for spouses to feel neglected. He's willing to try spontaneity, but you do it as well. The efforts are 50% yours to own. 

Dig into keepsakes or letters from when you were dating to remember how the feelings once were. Relationships go through a maturation cycle, where the infatuation ends and the real sort of deep, lasting love begins. I think the troubles with your child interrupted this cycle, so now you'll both need to bring some focus back to just the two of you. 

A good start is making SURE you have 15 hours a week of quality time together, just the two of you doing anything together, no children or others involved. You can't rebuild a bond unless you both make the time to do so a priority.


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

I can't tell you how happy I am for you! 

Being honest is sometimes the hardest thing to do and people will leave a relationship before speaking up, risk being hurt, and risk hurting someone.

This is great because it puts the issues out there and with his background he'll be motivated to take this seriously for both your sakes.

The gym - wow you were honest! I love that. Maybe he sees its his job to become a bit more sexy to keep you looking at him.

Please keep posting. You'll encounter bumps and will benefit from the sometimes random views you'll get here.

Btw this was very quick - many posters have a hard time taking action so I applaud you.


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

Pastapali7 said:


> About a year ago there was this guy at my job who showed me so much attention and always wanted to see pictures of my family. He was recently divorced so I was trying to be there for him, but somewhere along the line I really started liking the attention.


I knew it.... I was just about to ask what's his name till I came across this gem.


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## SurpriseMyself (Nov 14, 2009)

Pastapali7 said:


> I agree. ..I have considered one, but I told my husband how I felt and all he could say was, "if that will make you happy, I'll still be here." I will try to open up more to him, I'm not comfortable initiating sex at all.


Really? That's just pathetic that he would rather you have an affair than work with you on your marriage. Some men just aren't cut from the right cloth for relationships.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

:iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree:


Observer said:


> Great post!


:iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree:


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## Pastapali7 (Dec 16, 2015)

So, I thought I'd update. Since H has been home, we've made love EVERY DAY, At least twice a day. He is committed to being kinder to the children and I am committed to not raise my voice at him and to wear lingerie to bed every other day at least. I will stop seeming irritated and will let him fondle me without an attitude. He is always touching me which aggravated me before, but after him being gone a week with work, I'm alright with now. He is also taking ownership of his emotional neglect. He has been so sweet and tender towards me these past few days which makes me want to reciprocate those sentiments. I appreciate all of the advice here. We'll be fine. He asked me to renew our vows this June for our 7 year Anniversary! I happily obliged.


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

Pastapali7 said:


> So, I thought I'd update. Since H has been home, we've made love EVERY DAY, At least twice a day. He is committed to being kinder to the children and I am committed to not raise my voice at him and to wear lingerie to bed every other day at least. I will stop seeming irritated and will let him fondle me without an attitude. He is always touching me which aggravated me before, but after him being gone a week with work, I'm alright with now. He is also taking ownership of his emotional neglect. He has been so sweet and tender towards me these past few days which makes me want to reciprocate those sentiments. I appreciate all of the advice here. We'll be fine. He asked me to renew our vows this June for our 7 year Anniversary! I happily obliged.


Wow that's amazing and awesome! I know I might get flack from the ladies iof TAM who think guys should work on their part first - but guys can be very simple to operate. I'm glad you sucked it in and took the first step in pursuing sex aggressively with him - and am glad he engaged emotionally so quickly!

Keep us posted - you may have a few more bumps and want to talk


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

Pastapali7 - has H kept up his part of the deal?


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## Pastapali7 (Dec 16, 2015)

Actually, for the most part yes! We have hard days, but he and I have both done complete 180's.


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## jdesey (Dec 6, 2015)

God how many times do I have to tell women. WE MEN ARE NOT MIND READERS!! and we are not real observant. So freakin tell him! I bet he has no idea.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

jdesey said:


> God how many times do I have to tell women. WE MEN ARE NOT MIND READERS!! and we are not real observant. So freakin tell him! I bet he has no idea.


Keep reading.


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

Pastapali7 said:


> Actually, for the most part yes! We have hard days, but he and I have both done complete 180's.


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