# She's Feeling Stuck



## Johnny2spott (May 2, 2011)

Hey guys. My wife and I married young (21 and 20) and we've been at it for a year and a half.

I'm really at a loss. I knew that we'd have problems but I thought that at least she'd always want to be my friend and that would carry us through the rough parts. This idea began to be deterred early on when she would become anxious because we're not doing well financially and I realized that we had made a mistake. Our comfort to each other (pre-marriage) was that we would struggle financially but we would always know that it's not the end of the road for us and we'll okay. When the struggling came, she was less-than optimistic/comforting. I took it as a difficulty with change because we'd only been married 6 months and I'd lost my job due to lay-offs. That wasn't the case. We repeated a pattern of arguing about why she was dissatisfied with our marriage and it would always conclude with the same truth: She doesn't like me - She doesn't want to be my wife. We got pregnant and things looked like they were turning around. I guess it's because I was working and there was no REAL trouble. We had a son earlier this year and, again, we've fallen into hardship. This time, it's come out once more that she is unhappy with me. It's not that she is trying to get adjusted; just doesn't like me as a person. She says that she's stuck with me now because we have a child together.

I love her dearly but this obvious lack of companionship and compatibility drives a mental wedge into my mind. Now, I don't trust her when she tells me that she loves me. I don't see a positive outcome when I examine this situation. She's told me that she felt coerced into this and she's threatened to leave me before. I'm convinced that she's just here to conform me into a different person so that she can sleep comfortably knowing that she didn't have to divorce me to be happy. I know I'm not perfect but I thought she'd always love me anyway.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/mens-clubhouse/18181-man-up-nice-guy-reference.html

You'll see yourself here.

Ping us with any questions.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Folks can be unpredictable and unreconizable when they feelstuck,trapped or cornered. Quitely keep an eye on her. I would hate to think she does something she will regret or a mistake she can't take back.

This is important stuff, take her serious and take the steps to fix your marriage.

Her kind of talk is a warning so please get help. when they get like this, alls it takes is the wind to blow a differant direction and bamb she's not that same person any more.

Most likely you fancy your self a good provider and family man...be a good husband and treat your wife like some hot chick.. not a wife, or someone else will.


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

Your sure taking a lot of crap and seem to not realize your being treated as a doormat.

Take Conrad 's advise. You are being a Nice Guy. Go read the forums on manning up.

Btw. She told you she doesn't like you as a person? And you just took that? I would have gave her the ultimatum and told her to go find someone then that she does like as a person. Then packed her bags.

You will understand this logic after reading the nice guy link above.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

Instead of accepting responsibility for her own choices and actions your wife is blaming you for where her life is it. To be honest with you she sounds a bit “stupid”. Why on earth marry a person you don’t like and compound that with having a baby with him? That’s just sheer and utter stupidity.

It is also part of the “self made victim” mentality in that these people blame others for their negative life experiences. They become the most bitter and resentful of all people. If that’s the case with your wife then she has a lot of passive anger against you and she actually dislikes you.

It is a massive problem. Look to your wife’s mother. Do you see the same beliefs and behaviour there?

Bob


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## hotdogs (Aug 9, 2012)

I'm going to give a perspective from her side. I was her at one time or another during both of my marriages. As I have gotten older (I'm 30 now) and been through so much I have realized that it was me. Until I fixed me I was never going to be able to truly love anyone else. I still struggle. You are both young and still children in many ways. The first five years of marriage are so rough it's a wonder that anyone survives them. It's the real getting to know you phase. She's bucking back, mourning the last years of childhood. 

Hopefully you can talk to her and ask her to get some counseling from an older, wiser matronly figure like her mom or grandmother. Or if you can afford it, professional counseling. She has to find her own way to herself.

I can tell you this much, if my current husband would not have stuck by my side I'd be lost. I have him to thank for me finding me.


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

Dead Thread from 2011


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