# Introduction of toys



## ARF (Jan 26, 2011)

A while back, i posted a thread about a complete lack of sex in my marriage. Things have improved some in regards to frequency, but I'd love to have it more. I'd say we are at 1-2 times per month.

About 6 months ago, my wife and I had one of the better sex sessions we have had in a long time. We had sex, talked about sex, and had sex again in multiple positions. During our discussion between sessions, we discussed vibrators. I expressed that I wanted her to feel satisfied, and thought a vibrator would help matters. She said she'd be okay with a vibrator.

The next day, I did some research and found one that I ordered. The vibrator itself isnt imposing at all. I found one that is tastful and one that is about my size, so I know it wouldn't be uncomfortable for her.

Anyways its been about 6 months since I purchased the vibrator, and we still haven't used it. I have brought it up a couple times during foreplay, and she seems like she gets nervous. My wife doesn't really like to be on display, but I thought she'd be okay if I were to use it on her during foreplay to get her warmed up. I think if she let down her guard she would really get into it. I also thought it may help her reach orgasm more frequently making her desire sex more.

Anyways, I am just looking for some pointers or tips in regards to introducing it without making her feel uncomfortable.

Any ideas?


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Ok first of all it`s size doesn`t really matter much as most women don`t use it by inserting it often.

It`s the vibes on the clitoris that gets it done for them usually.

Let her use it alone.

Tell her one day she`s to set some time aside and have it stashed under her pillow.
Then call her and phone sex her up during her play time so she can get used to it solo before you using it on her.

Be a little demanding, tell her what to do.

"Hi honey, go into the bedroom, check under your pillow, strip down, lay down,....etc..

Ease her into it.


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## HerToo (Oct 3, 2011)

Blindfold her, tease her body first with your mouth and hands, then introduce it. If it's not working for her, stop.


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

Maybe she is intimidated by the vibrator that you selected? Have you asked her what she doesn't like about it?

Sometimes, it helps to go 'small' and 'cute' when you first start out with toys. Well, it did for us anyway. We've only just recently started to use some toys 'cuz I find myself needing a little more help now. My H always prided himself on not needing anything else, but he's come around now that he's seen what fun they can be. We just started out with some little bullets and egg vibrators.

If she's intimidated by the vibe you got, you might want to see how she feels about something smaller. The egg is nice because you can slip it between you during any face-to-face position during intercourse, so there's not so much focus on just her. For many people, it can be a little intimidating to feel like you are 'exposed' and someone is 'working you over' and watching you the whole time. It can help a lot if there's more mutuality to it. 

Best wishes.


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## tjohnson (Mar 10, 2010)

My wife was the same way. I could bore you with the details. She was all shy and sheepish about it. (mind you she had used vibrators alone before and she knew i knew this-go figure). She wound up loving it. Uses it solo and with me (but, I still need to be the one to initiate its use when we are together. Your wife may very well not want to be the one to initiate as well. you will need to take the lead on this. 

Perhaps give her a massage, get her relaxed etc. I would not ask her if she wants to use it. Put it in a place close by. With lights very dim so she is not "on display" as you say she doesn't like that. Liightly run it between her legs as if to tickle, then slowly "brush" over more personal regions. You can then experiment placing more and more emphasis on the labia and clitoris. Understand that direct stimulation with it may be too much. I would avoid trying to insert it. Many women don't like this. don't rush things!!!! She may be surprised how quickly she may climax. Make sure offer her words of encouragement. Let her know how you are enjoying watching her get off... Don't be surprised is she has one or more quick Os and may want you to enter her. This does not mean she doesn't like it. 

Personally, I think vibrators can take women to places no man can. Granted i can do things a vibrator can't....regardless, I think my wife likes it more than she is willing to admit. 

No matter what...have fun.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Enchantment said:


> Maybe she is intimidated by the vibrator that you selected? Have you asked her what she doesn't like about it?


That`s a good point.

My wifes favorite toy is a little silver bullet because it`s easy to use in many ways while we`re making love.

Well, that`s not exactly true as I have a suspicion her "real" favorite toy is the wand but I wouldn`t recommend coming at your wife with the Hitachi Magic Wand roaring like a racing bike the first time out.

Could scar her for life.



The blindfold coupled with a little toy is a good idea.


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## AndBuffyStakedEdward (Nov 15, 2011)

The fact that she didn’t get repulsed or freak out about it when you discussed it was the first good sign. Even going so far as to say “she’d be ok with it”. 

I have yet to have the pleasure of experiencing one and my H has never suggested it, (_probably because he figured there was no way I’d go for it due to my own insecurities_). If he did suggest it, I'd act the same way your W did. Say I’m ok with it but then shy away from it when the time came. Though the idea excites me, I wouldn't likely come right out and agree to it and surely not instigate it. Now, if during the heat of the moment my H just brought it out and _delicately_ introduced it into our activities I’m pretty sure I’d gradually loosen up and just go with it. I might even protest a little at first (_again with the insecurities_) but if I really didn’t want it, I’d make it perfectly clear.

Less talk, more action might be the right approach. If she really doesn’t like it she’ll let you know.


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## ARF (Jan 26, 2011)

Thanks for all the good suggestions. I should have noted that my wife doesn't masterbate, so the ideas about using it during our sessions may work the best. I was very skeptical when she told me she didn't masterbate, but now I believe her given our time together.

I haven't asked her what it is about he vibrator that she doesn't like. The one I purchased received good reviews specifically from first time users, so it isn't imposing regarding it's looks, size or action. I may just need to be a bit more assertive when bringing it up. Perhaps a blindfold may be in order. Nice to hear both male and female input from people with similar hangups as my wife.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## AndBuffyStakedEdward (Nov 15, 2011)

:iagree:

Good Luck! :smthumbup:


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

You could also try lubricating the situation with a little alcohol... If she's up for that, at least. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

ARF said:


> Thanks for all the good suggestions. I should have noted that my wife doesn't masterbate, so the ideas about using it during our sessions may work the best. I was very skeptical when she told me she didn't masterbate, but now I believe her given our time together.
> 
> I haven't asked her what it is about he vibrator that she doesn't like. The one I purchased received good reviews specifically from first time users, so it isn't imposing regarding it's looks, size or action. I may just need to be a bit more assertive when bringing it up. Perhaps a blindfold may be in order. Nice to hear both male and female input from people with similar hangups as my wife.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I would recommend that you stop talking about the vibrator and just have it "handy" during one of your sex sessions. Maybe while you're giving her oral, you can try alternating between your tongue and the vibrator. THAT would work for me! :smthumbup:

But once she feels that sensation and how good it feels, she may let her guard down some. Just a thought. Good luck!


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## tjohnson (Mar 10, 2010)

totally agree with southern wife and pbear with approaches. IE having it handy and perhaps a little (not allot of) wine/beer or booze as this lowers inhibitions. 

Since my wife is still a little bashful in this way this is an interesting topic. It would be good to know the general outcome.


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## AndBuffyStakedEdward (Nov 15, 2011)

ARF, any update?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ARF (Jan 26, 2011)

AndBuffyStakedEdward said:


> ARF, any update?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I actually do have an update.

We had been trying to get a date night together, but had trouble finding help with the kids. So, we decided to have a "date" after the kids were in bed. PBear was right on about the alcohol. We had some wine.

Anyways, she was enjoying foreplay and could really tell she was feeling very sexual. I told her I wanted her to have an orgasm and reminded her about the toy we had yet to use. She seemed ready to try, so we got it out. I started using it on her and told her to giude me to where it felt good. One thing led to another and I let go of it to let her use it. She reached orgasm and then we had sex. It was really turn on seeing her use it and get excited by it.

All in all it was a success. I really enjoyed it and she said it felt really good.


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## AndBuffyStakedEdward (Nov 15, 2011)

:smthumbup:


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Hooray YOU!! :smthumbup:


I have a suggestion if you're still interested. Obviously you'll know whether this might be something you'd both want to try, maybe with time, but one of my favorite ways to use my toy (which hubs also chose for me a few years ago) is while I'm giving him oral. When the thought comes to mind to use it, he'll say "Go get your toy"  

If I'm laying across the bed with neck hanging off the end, him standing above me, he can reach forward and pleasure my body while I give him oral pleasure. I grip the back of his thighs with my hands and can communicate with him this way if I want him to ease up etc. You will have control in this position so be aware of her subtleties. This drives us both nuts and a great prelude to some hot sex. There are variations on this but I personally love when we include vibe action with giving head. 

Also, when he alternates between giving ME oral and using the toy, drives me nuts too. It's not something we use that often and I think this also makes it a bit more exciting when hearing "Get your toy".


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