# Introduction



## Teach

Hello all! I decided to come onto this forum because my husband Rv10flyer uses this forum to share details about our marraige...the problem is, he left some out. The parts where for 28 years I was completely faithful. And the parts where there were at least two instances of his having lovers outside our marriage...once when he went out of country for two weeks, and once with a parent from my school...whom he met at our Fall Festival, while he carried around our 2 year old because I was working...sent me and my children on a special weekend trip so he could mate her in my bed...I had to share this with my principal because After it came out, I had to make sure her children wouldn’t be placed in my class. And the parts where he had an internet girlfriend. So bash me all you want, I deserve it. I screwed up, but at least so so with a more clear picture of the whole story.


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## EleGirl

It's not unusual at all for a person to post here and leave out details that make them look bad. This is usually done to get all kinds of sympathy and support of course.

Getting the 'other side of the story' is often very helpful and insightful.

Could you share with us why you stayed with him all these years with his being serial cheater? What did you two do after his affairs to repair your marriage? Or did you two just sweap it all under the rug?

Are you considering leaving him now?


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## Teach

Just wanted to set the record straight. Otherwise I have no further comment. These things are hurtful to live through, share, and and read on public forums. Best handled in private with qualified counselors.


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## Lostinthought61

Teach said:


> Just wanted to set the record straight. Otherwise I have no further comment. These things are hurtful to live through, share, and and read on public forums. Best handled in private with qualified counselors.


I think your over generalizing a bit, platforms like this have their merits and their ability to give a voice to someone who is looking for help...some help is good some help is bad...and btw..whether you are talking to a counselor or to a platform like here, you control the narrative, in that you could be lying to the counselor just as easily as you are with us, if you can't be honest in the first place you can't get help anywhere. good luck


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## BarbedFenceRider

So, you followed your hubby onto this site and made sure you got his handle down...Then aired out the laundry so to speak. Yeah, I'd say you both are pretty messed up. I think counselling for individuals first....Then Marriage counselling onto addressing co-parenting and amicable split lives.

He may have done those things, as we don't have the whole story. Just your hearsay...

You ought to stay around and learn from the sight. It helps when it's anonymous. whatever, I am praying for your children...They do suffer so much.


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## personofinterest

BarbedFenceRider said:


> So, you followed your hubby onto this site and made sure you got his handle down...Then aired out the laundry so to speak. Yeah, I'd say you both are pretty messed up. I think counselling for individuals first....Then Marriage counselling onto addressing co-parenting and amicable split lives.
> 
> He may have done those things, as we don't have the whole story. Just your hearsay...
> 
> You ought to stay around and learn from the sight. It helps when it's anonymous. whatever, I am praying for your children...They do suffer so much.


Typical


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## SentHereForAReason

personofinterest said:


> BarbedFenceRider said:
> 
> 
> 
> So, you followed your hubby onto this site and made sure you got his handle down...Then aired out the laundry so to speak. Yeah, I'd say you both are pretty messed up. I think counselling for individuals first....Then Marriage counselling onto addressing co-parenting and amicable split lives.
> 
> He may have done those things, as we don't have the whole story. Just your hearsay...
> 
> You ought to stay around and learn from the sight. It helps when it's anonymous. whatever, I am praying for your children...They do suffer so much.
> 
> 
> 
> Typical
Click to expand...

Oh boy ... Ding, ding (boxing bell)


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## BarbedFenceRider

I'm actually kind of peeved that BOTH of them pulled on the heart strings...

I just got annoyed. Sorry. But don't worry, no fighting here. I like POI. She's cool.


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## Teach

This is exactly why a real counselor vs armchair warriors is so much better... once again attack attack attack...so very helpful


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## Teach

I’m not pulling in heart strings... **** you all


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## BarbedFenceRider

I'm sorry you saw it that way. You might have had the opportunity without *attack, to post your own thread, without name calling and such and then find some insight into each others relationship. 

But to many of us, TAM is a thoughtful and useful place to write down our thoughts and converse with others who maybe similar and yet give different views onto subjects that are very hard to talk about.

For me, it has been a life saver. I do not have the resources where I live with counseling or marriage groups and whatnot. Actually, I can't even really find qualified healthcare in general that even speaks the English language. So for me, being able to get some semblance of order in my life. Find out what was real or not. And get a opinion on my rights as a husband and father. 

Being able to write down one's own feelings into words that make a whole lot of sense is a big responsibility. And I know that I sometimes come out wrong. Luckily the folks here are patient and generally help out with my shortcomings.


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## SentHereForAReason

Teach said:


> This is exactly why a real counselor vs armchair warriors is so much better... once again attack attack attack...so very helpful


Just like counseling, it's hit or miss. I had a great counselor but many I know and on here did not. This forum helped a lot of people but it's really only going to help if the person seeking help is somewhat stable and able to discern a witch hunt from a very scarred individual or constructive advice and direction. That's why it takes a combination of counseling, real life in-person support from friends and family and a reach every now and then to advice areas where you normally wouldn't get it from. The collection of experience on here has provided many with a good deal of help. But again, only if you can take the advice and measure it and just not accept everything for gospel. There will always be a slant but from what I have found, if you get past the slant and look at the heart of the advice and drawn experience ... there's a lot of useful information and good people here.

It doesn't sound like you think this place is to promising but if you would like some unbiased feedback, there's plenty here that will offer.


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## BluesPower

Teach said:


> Hello all! I decided to come onto this forum because my husband Rv10flyer uses this forum to share details about our marraige...the problem is, he left some out. The parts where for 28 years I was completely faithful. And the parts where there were at least two instances of his having lovers outside our marriage...once when he went out of country for two weeks, and once with a parent from my school...whom he met at our Fall Festival, while he carried around our 2 year old because I was working...sent me and my children on a special weekend trip so he could mate her in my bed...I had to share this with my principal because After it came out, I had to make sure her children wouldn’t be placed in my class. And the parts where he had an internet girlfriend. So bash me all you want, I deserve it. I screwed up, but at least so so with a more clear picture of the whole story.


Well, who cheated first, that is always the question. 

Never makes the other right to cheat after. But if you cheated first, I would have already divorced you. 

But if you are both cheaters, then divorce and start over.

For a cheating wife, if I understand some of what you are saying, you don't sound very remorseful. 

You actually sound like a cheater that got cheated on, those are the worst kind...


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## seadoug105

Although rv10flyer hasn't shared all the details, he hasn't exactly hid the fact of his wayward past.... 


rv10flyer said:


> This^^^^^
> 
> You see, *I have been that POS husband years ago.* That is why I am here to help. *I have been on both sides.* You will see a lot of men in forums and in person that will never admit this though. Your husband will have to see and feel the hurt and loss of trust he has caused to your marriage. Some never do. Some get cheated on themselves, get their pride hurt, and quietly move on to the next. Of course, he tells the next woman that his ex gained weight, lost interest in sex, became selfish and spent all of his money. Hhmmm, no mention of his cheating.


and he has spoken quite well of their relationship since reconciliation. In fact he seems to blame the OM 99% for the affair and "Teach" as his prey/victim.

So either "Teach" hasn't actually read his posts (I read several but skimmed many) or some trigger event recently occurred and it is not being handled well by either of them....

given the fact that he has been radio silent (not posted) since 8/25 and the level of venom "Teach" is spewing (relative to his actual posts), I would say it's a trigger event combined with unresolved resentment with his previous infidelity....


I wish them both the best and hope they each get the help they need to heal!


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## BluesPower

seadoug105 said:


> Although rv10flyer hasn't shared all the details, he hasn't exactly hid the fact of his wayward past....
> 
> and he has spoken quite well of their relationship since reconciliation. In fact he seems to blame the OM 99% for the affair and "Teach" as his prey/victim.
> 
> So either "Teach" hasn't actually read his posts (I read several but skimmed many) or some trigger event recently occurred and it is not being handled well by either of them....
> 
> given the fact that he has been radio silent (not posted) since 8/25 and the level of venom "Teach" is spewing (relative to his actual posts), I would say it's a trigger event combined with unresolved resentment with his previous infidelity....
> 
> I wish them both the best and hope they each get the help they need to heal!


That is a really good post. Sensible and sound. 

I would like for them to duke it out and let the community judge. I think that makes me a bad person...


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## seadoug105

BluesPower said:


> That is a really good post. Sensible and sound.
> 
> I would like for them to duke it out and let the community judge. I think that makes me a bad person...


I refer to that as "letting the vultures feed" aka "feeding the vultures" ... and if that makes you bad... do you want to be good? :wink2:


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## EleGirl

BluesPower said:


> Well, who cheated first, that is always the question.
> 
> Never makes the other right to cheat after. But if you cheated first, I would have already divorced you.
> 
> But if you are both cheaters, then divorce and start over.
> 
> For a cheating wife, if I understand some of what you are saying, you don't sound very remorseful.
> 
> You actually sound like a cheater that got cheated on, those are the worst kind...


My understanding is that he cheated first, several times. She did cheat, years later.

@Teach

I wish that you would come and talk to us and give some info. It's interesting that your husband has not been bath mouthing you here. But you seem to think that he is.


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## SunCMars

personofinterest said:


> Typical


Oh my......

Mars and Venus, they do point, they do clash.
Their orbits, they both circle the Sun.

Their bodies may be different, one red assed, one green eyed.

One would hope they both want the same thing.

Loving companionship, not unending battle.

Oh, my......

Woe is me, woe is us.


The Typist I-


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## personofinterest

I do hope that teach finds the support that she needs. I have to say, I kind of don't blame her for being leery of forums, especially as a woman who cheated. Women who cheat do not typically fare very well on forums. Even when their husband repeatedly cheated 1st period


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## She'sStillGotIt

Teach said:


> This is exactly why a real counselor vs armchair warriors is so much better... once again attack attack attack...so very helpful


Take it down a few notches for Christ's sake.

And for the record, I see your miracle worker* '*_*real therapists**'*_ haven't done SQUAT for you all these years because you're STILL with him after he cheated on you over and over and over and over - and then you became a cheater yourself. Yeah, your 'therapists' are doing _*such*_ a better job than a bunch of armchair warriors. :rofl:

Did your 'therapists' also suggest that you stalk your husband's posts here on TAM, join the site and post to tattle on him, then get up on your high horse when people actually respond to you?


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## personofinterest

Shesstillgotit, to you by chance own a Kittycat named Stella?


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## BigToe

personofinterest said:


> I do hope that teach finds the support that she needs. I have to say, I kind of don't blame her for being leery of forums, especially as a woman who cheated. Women who cheat do not typically fare very well on forums. Even when their husband repeatedly cheated 1st period


I don't blame her for being leery of public forums either. Not just for the reasons you stated.


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## Rick Blaine

personofinterest said:


> Women who cheat do not typically fare very well on forums.


It's an outrage, isn't it?


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## personofinterest

Rick Blaine said:


> It's an outrage, isn't it?


Well, cheating is an outrage, and all cheaters should be chastised. However, it is a fact through objective and wide reading that women who cheat get rougher treatment here, and women who are cheated on are ALWAYS asked if they were giving their husbands enough sex.

But your unsurprising sarcasm is duly noted


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## Rick Blaine

personofinterest said:


> Well, cheating is an outrage, and all cheaters should be chastised. However, it is a fact through objective and wide reading that women who cheat get rougher treatment here, and women who are cheated on are ALWAYS asked if they were giving their husbands enough sex.
> 
> But your unsurprising sarcasm is duly noted


I don't keep a scorecard on this stuff, but males and females should be held equally accountable.


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## MZMEE

Teach said:


> Hello all! I decided to come onto this forum because my husband Rv10flyer uses this forum to share details about our marraige...the problem is, he left some out.


It appears you are angry, but the good news is this forum is a place where none of us know each other. None of us know each other's spouses. All the advice here is given from a NEUTRAL ground. I don't think anyone on here gives all the details. Everyone pretty much tells their story from their perspective and truth. There was no need to defend your truth and calling out your husband because none of us made any connections to you.

Save yourself some stress and just use this forum to vent and resolve your own issues instead of defending what your husband is saying. None of us on here are really professional counselors that have you and your husband in our office together trying to help you with a real resolve. This is a forum for married people to help married people based on their own experiences. We all may have a solution for another person's situation, and then we come here to seek help to make it through another day in our marriages or get other perspectives. 

None of the solutions here are for 100% resolve, but it helps us all to listen to other schools of thought from the rest of the world about our challenges. 

Don't let this forum bring stress to your marriage. My husband doesn't know I am on here and I like it because I can be free to express myself to neutral people. I just like to hear different thoughts. Some advice I take. Some I just say "Hmmm ok" and others I may dismiss. It's really just about talking things out based on your own perspective of your marriage.

Wishing you the best.


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## personofinterest

BigToe said:


> I don't blame her for being leery of public forums either. Not just for the reasons you stated.


True. You also have those weirdo vigilante Anonymous wanna-bees who make it their task to "dox" people.


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## BluesPower

EleGirl said:


> My understanding is that he cheated first, several times. She did cheat, years later.
> 
> @Teach
> 
> I wish that you would come and talk to us and give some info. It's interesting that your husband has not been bath mouthing you here. But you seem to think that he is.


 @EleGirl, if you are correct, and you usually are, then He got what he deserved. 

Of course revenge affairs don't really benefit anyone, but they are way more understandable than the first affair. 

But if they are still at this stage, why not just end it? Or, get real about fixing it...


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