# Lack of sex....



## mamadcp (Apr 6, 2015)

We have such a long story with sex I don't even know where to start.
9 years right now and we laugh, we get along almost all the time, he is an amazing dad and helps so much around the house.... but our sex life sucks, I have to be reminding him that's been over a week and I need sex.
He say I need to do more around the house... I do a lot, our house looks amazing all the time, but he's a clean freak, he wants it all done in his time that doesn't work for me.
If I do what he say then I feel I'm begging for sex and makes me feel miserable.
I love him most of the time, but tonight we had the stupidest argument, I thought we were fine, I laid down with my kiddos to watch movies (It's Easter for God's sake) he decided to clean and do laundry.... I knew he was going to rub that he did chores later and he did.
Even the dogs got a "good night I love you" but I'm next to him and I got nothing.
I feel miserable he makes me feel so bad when he acts like this that I wish I could cheat on him just for revenge.... I won't 
Yes, he knows how I feel.... and I guess no, he doesn't care


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Do both of you have jobs? If so how many hours a week do each of you work at your jobs?

The problem with chores around the house is that they are never done. There is always something that has to be done. So he can always find something to feed his desire to avoid sex.

What is the longest you two have gone with out sex?

Does he ever initiate?

What do you think it at the core of his avoidance of sex?

From what you wrote, it sounds like he harbors a lot of anger and resentment and uses refusal to have sex with you as a way to punish you. It's a pretty typical scenario.

Here is a book that I think will help you. Reading it will give you a good perspective of the problem. 

Why Men Stop Having Sex: Men, the Phenomenon of Sexless Relationships, and What You Can Do About It

You say that you and he get on pretty well most of the time.

How many hours a week do you and he spend together, just the two of you, doing things that you two enjoy together?

When did the sex issues start? What changed in your relationship besides the sex just before that?


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## mamadcp (Apr 6, 2015)

He never initiates, well.... except when he knows I've done it all around the house and kind of "deserve it".

He does not take me on dates, always say is because we need to save... BS I have said we can have a cheap date, let's go for coffee... he works about 7 hours a day, I work from home baking.

My house looks awesome 80% of the time, I mess my kitchen because I work there! I clean up my messes and if I have to work on tithe next day I'll leave it all piled in a section so it's not all over the kitchen. Even then I feel I have got to tell him "hey I'm leaving it there because I have to get to it tomorrow"

There will always be an excuse, he did say over our last therapy that he has felt this resentment since so long that that's the reason he feels like no initiating sex.

I woke up thinking I'll do a trial, I'll have a spotless house for the next 2 weeks, I will not ask for sex and let's see if there's any changes.

I'm thinking in doing therapy by myself, I have anger towards him because I think if I felt more physical attention I'll do better at home... I'm moody and mad most of the time because I get nothing from him.


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## Happilymarried25 (Mar 19, 2014)

What a jerk, he sounds like one of these wives of husbands who post that the wife withholds sex because he isn't doing enough around the house. Does he have OCD because most men aren't that obsessive about having a clean house especially to be resentful enough to not want sex. Are you sure that just isn't an excuse and there are other reasons he doesn't want to have sex with you? I understand why you are moody and mad at him but that may also be a reason he doesn't want to have sex with you.

You are never going to get your house clean enough to make him happy, especially since you also bake in your kitchen so just do your best. Don't beg for sex. That probably turns him off more. A week isn't really that long, he sounds like he is LD too. Accept that you aren't going to have a very active sex life with him, stay and be happy with the other aspects of your marriage or leave. He isn't going to change.


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## TheCuriousWife (Jan 28, 2013)

There seems to be more issues there than the sex. Which other posts have mentioned.

As far as the sex goes, my husband is the same as yours. I have to remind him, and practically beg.

Recently we started sex counseling, and even after 1 session there has been a lot of improvement!

Especially with your husband's other issues I'd get you two enrolled in counseling ASAP. (Easier said than done, I know) It took me over two years to get my husband to attend, but I am so happy I did.


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## mamadcp (Apr 6, 2015)

Never crazed my mind he could be OCD but I think he yes! I can not believe I didn't thought of that. 
I'm going to try counseling on my own first and I'll bring him when I'm ready.
We tried counseling once but the woman sucked, we worked it out on our own that time.

Thank you for all the advice, I just wanted to say it... it was eating me inside


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## melw74 (Dec 12, 2013)

So, Its you clean or I withhold sex from you?.

How about give me sex or i stop cleaning, and go on strike:smthumbup:.

In all seriousness tho, It does very much sound like hes a clean freak to me. OCD.

I love a clean house, but my husband would not moan about the house if i wanted sex, and a few chores were not done.


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