# No satisfaction = selfish?



## sweetpinata (Apr 3, 2012)

Hello all,

There's been a problem in my marriage that makes me feel like a jerk when I talk about it. I can't hold it in any longer and I'd like your opinions. 

The situation is this.....husband has arthritis in his hips & feet. Recently it flared up and he missed 2 weeks of work due to him not being able to walk. The pain started about 3 months ago, right now we're waiting on x-ray results to determine what step to take next so we can get him on the right track. The arthritis is caused from psoriasis which tends to flare up once a year. During those flare ups...he gets patches on his genitals which prevents us from having sex. Now that his hips have been acting up, we haven't done anything sexual in months  Messing around doesn't cut it, playing with the vibrator isn't satisfying enough and my husband just says "sorry" when we can't do anything. My husband doesn't like to make out which sucks bc I love it. We used to have amazing sex, it's non-existent now. I haven't hinted or even tried to initiate anything bc I know he's in pain. What's a girl to do? I don't want to ***** to him about it and make him feel bad but I also want to talk to him about my feelings like I always do. My sex drive has been up the roof, it's gotten to the point of where I've actually had an orgasm when a friend was massaging my back. I have these urges to hump every man I see, this is not good. How do you tell your husband that he's not satisfying you in bed without taking away his "manhood"?

Ladies, please lend your advice this way


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## omega (Aug 2, 2011)

Well considering you've already been giving bjs to other guys anyway, it's a little late for the advice I would give you. But yes, you are selfish. Your husband - the man you love and promised to stand by his side forever - has a medical condition. A medical condition from which HE suffers much more than YOU. 

Stop blaming your husband for your infidelity. His medical condition is not an excuse for what you're doing. You are looking for validation from women because you want them to tell you that you deserve x, y, and z and you're not selfish.

As a woman, though, I have to be honest with you. You are being selfish and you are flushing your marriage down the toilet. My advice is: tell your husband the truth about how you're cheating on him. And then take it from there.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

You've already found your solution - cheating.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

omega said:


> Well considering you've already been giving bjs to other guys anyway, it's a little late for the advice I would give you. But yes, you are selfish. Your husband - the man you love and promised to stand by his side forever - has a medical condition. A medical condition from which HE suffers much more than YOU.
> 
> Stop blaming your husband for your infidelity. His medical condition is not an excuse for what you're doing. You are looking for validation from women because you want them to tell you that you deserve x, y, and z and you're not selfish.
> 
> As a woman, though, I have to be honest with you. You are being selfish and you are flushing your marriage down the toilet. My advice is: tell your husband the truth about how you're cheating on him. And then take it from there.


Sh1t just got real....


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## LadyFrog (Feb 27, 2012)

sweetpinata said:


> Hello all,
> 
> There's been a problem in my marriage that makes me feel like a jerk when I talk about it. I can't hold it in any longer and I'd like your opinions.
> 
> ...


I'm sorry, but I need some clarification. What exactly do you mean by "messing around doesn't cut it?" What have you done?

Your husband is suffering from something he can't help. I'm boggled by your comment, "I don't want to talk to him about it and make him feel bad........" Telling him you've cheated is going to make him feel good? Talking to him about your sexual needs is going to make him feel worse than finding out you've been unfaithful?


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

"In SICKNESS and in health...."


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## phantomfan (Mar 7, 2012)

Sickness is a tough one. You *should* be faithful to your spouse always. If you can't better to be single or find someone worth being faithful to.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

What exactly is it that you are struggling with? 

I don't envy your circumstances, but your choices are pretty clear given what you have outlined.

Leave your husband, and find someone with whom you feel you are more compatible.

Continue down the path of infidelity which will ultimately mean you leave your husband anyway.

Nobody, but nobody here is going to encourage you to continue making the kind of destructive choices you have made thus far.

You are being selfish, that isn't always a bad thing ... but under your circumstances? It's betrayal of the highest order. No good can possibly come of continuing to cheat.

Leave the marriage ... then you are free to deal with your overdrive libido however and with whomever you choose.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Any human is liable to become sick or injured, making sex temporarily or even permanently unsatisfying. If you're not prepared to weather such an event, marriage is not for you. There's a world of things your husband can do to take care of you without involving his genitals. I can't speak for your husband but I'd be thrilled if my wife told me she longed for me, sexually. Just make sure he knows you're not expecting something he isn't up for and try to be convincingly appreciative when he is intimate with you in some of these alternative ways.


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