# Just found out 3 days ago...



## Shelly29 (Oct 9, 2010)

I have been married for 6 years to the person I thought I would spend the rest of m life with. Wed. night he told me he was not happy in our marriage, he wanted to end it and divorce. I still haven't received a clear explanation for this other than, he isn't in to me anymore and he doesn't want to be married and be in a relationship with me. He said he has already made up his mind, nothing is going to change it and he has been thinking about this for many months already. Im confused, hurt, pissed off that he can make this decision and not take into consideration the other person in the marriage. I asked if we could see some counseling and he said if I wanted to he would go but it wasn't going to change his mind.....I am at a loss for words and have no clue how to deal with this. I feel like I am living in a nightmare....


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## Shelly29 (Oct 9, 2010)

Do i fight for the battle knowing I'll lose? I am willing to do anything to figure this out and make it work... he doesn't even want to try. I really want to seek counseling , and maybe get to the root of his problem and depression....I just need clarity and a reason. I don't want to have my marriage end and me not know the real reason.


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## misspuppy (Sep 19, 2010)

i understand what you are saying about feeling like the "out" person and not being confronted with this choice and that is a hard thing to swallow. It sounds like when he said he would go, that might be a good thing, sometimes people need an outside party to see what is going on.. the fact that he wants to end it all with just he is "not into you" makes me wonder a few things?

Has anything changed recently? Job loss/gain? arguments? children? has he or you have had any money issues lately? Is it the physical part emotional part? 

it is hard to see where this is going with out having both sides? Not to be nosey, but what are you doing to make him not happy? or is there something he is doing to you that makes him not happy?

there are so many reasons men do this on an instant? early mid life crisis is one that many men experience, i know with my hubby he goes thru phases where he wants NOTHING BUT one thing and he does suffer from a one track mind LOL, and that is Ok with me, we have been 2gether for 9 yrs and there are ups and downs, but, nothing really has happened that we can not work thru

i would def do the counseling thing to see if the therapist can get thru to him and maybe you can benefit from it as well.


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## Shelly29 (Oct 9, 2010)

The thing is when I ask him what it is with me that he doesn't want anymore he said this morning" I don't know what it is you do, or say.. i dunno" I just don't want to be with you anymore.....


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## misspuppy (Sep 19, 2010)

wow that is hard, maybe he is confused as to why he wants to be with you, maybe he is going thru something and just needs time to think. it is hard when your spouse comes to you and says things like this, and there really is no right or wrong way to handle it. i would start with letting him have his time to think and work things out. Men can be that way sometimes and us women try to analysis things alot every little thing and then by the time we are done we have "made and mountain out of an ant hill" kind of thing.. 

to me it sounds like he is just confused and just needs time.. take this time to let him have the time to work it out and see what comes of it.. i would def give up yet. it sounds like he is not dead set on the whole thing.. b/c he did say he would go to counseling, even tho he said it will not work, you would be surprised.


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## Shelly29 (Oct 9, 2010)

well he is already talking divorce...and i found out a couple days ago so its a brutal shock......if its not white, its black...thats what I am seeing from him.


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## Atholk (Jul 25, 2009)

He's cheating on you. There's ALWAYS someone else in the picture.


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## bellringer (Aug 20, 2010)

Hi Shelly, I am so sorry for what you are going through, I went through the same thing back in january, we went to therepy in november because my stbx said he was unhappy, when we got to the mc all he could come up with was I didnt rinse the shower out, funny. after 3 sessions he said we were fine and didnt need to go back. I thought things were good, we had a great holiday, then in january he called me from work and said he still wasnt happy hasnt been for a little while and said he wanted a divorce, I couldnt even say anything, he stayed in a hotel that night, the next day came home all happy like it was a weight lifted, actually sat on the couch with me and my son and said where do you guys want to go to dinner, I was floored, like i would want to sit across from him and eat. so they went to dinner, when they came home i told him i was gonna stay in the spare room, he said why you can still sleep in our bed with me, no i didnt, then the next morning he came down and said did you call steven, hes a family alwyer, i said no he said well he will be our lawyer, I said no i have my own lawyer, and then I asked him to stay at his dads house he was again shocked i asked this, and said you dont want me living here. wow hes f-ed up,like really you just crushed my whole world and want to live here. anyway come to find out he was with someone. do you think he is having an affair?


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## Shelly29 (Oct 9, 2010)

I am not sure bellringer....I had asked him that on wed. night when he flat out said we need to divorce... I asked if he was with someone...if he had feelings for someone else, if he was sleeping or had slept with someone and he said..."of course not....I would never do that to you and or think about that. I am not interested in anyone else..there is no one else i was to be with, i dont want to go out and find chicks and hit the clubs etc"

With all that has gone done..i just don't know what to believe or trust you know? I feel like i dont know him as I thought I did. 

Yesterday night we got at it and he said he has had his ups and lows in this relationship for YEARS!!! I dont even know what lows we have had that we fought about nor has he brought it up...when I ask him what those lows are he says "i don't know"


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## everantisocial (Jun 29, 2010)

He is looking for excuses for treating you the way he is, my husband did the same. Suddenly everything in our marriage was wrong and it was my fault and the more he tried to justify his actions the longer the time he was unhappy for became. It messes with your head because you don't know what's true anymore. Things you took for granted become distorted. Hang on to your memories, he is twisting things to make himself feel less guilty. 

Oh and watch for his words,just because he hasn't slept with someone doesn't mean there isn't someone else. It was an emotional affair conducted over the internet that killed my marriage.


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## Shelly29 (Oct 9, 2010)

Do you think I should ask him to talk again today... i feel like he will stay on that hamster wheel of not having a valid answer or reason.... I want to know if its someone else.... Or do I wait until we see a therapist???


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## Shelly29 (Oct 9, 2010)

He moved into the 3 floor bedroom...today he moved all his clothes up there....I dont think he has a game plan and I guess because we have the mortgage covered he thinks he is staying in the house.....Its so depressing and I hit the low spells of just bawling m eyes out for no freakin reason....he doesn't acknowledge that I am in the house, doesn't say hi first, avoids anything having to do with me...stays up there most the time......I'm thinking of hitting the cellphone company and having them get me print outs of all our texts and phone calls....


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## bellringer (Aug 20, 2010)

I would get his phone records, my stbxh also denies the gf, still to this day says there isnt a gf, he had my son around her and she went to kiss him and he pushed her away, then one day my phone rang and it was him but he didnt no his cell dialed the last number back, i listened to them out to dinner, him saying whats wrong babe. So believe nothing. I also talked to a guy i know and he cheated on his wife and told me straight out, dont believe anything he says, he said he lied till the very end. I didnt think mine had time to cheat either, he was home every night, but prob happened during the day when he was supose to be working, as he owned his own company. And I noticed to this day he wont look me in the eyes, thats a guilt thing. Just protect yourself and get all the info you will need incase this goes to the lawyers.


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## Shelly29 (Oct 9, 2010)

thanks bellringer... thanks for the tips. I will for sure hit the phone and text records tomorrow. I am also calling a therapist tomorrow and see if we can get in together...I still don't have answers or a WHY...thats the painstaking part...im just sitting and waiting...with no control of this relationship going down the drain. Will keep you posted tomorrow.


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## bellringer (Aug 20, 2010)

Good luck. stay strong.


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## Chasing Rainbows (Oct 9, 2010)

Hi Shelly, I feel for what you are going through right now. I went through and am going through a similar thing, My stbxh said he wanted to separate / divorce said he had made his mind up and was not going to change it. I asked him to move out after a week as it was just too difficult living in the same house and he was coming home and crying and telling me all his problems, none of which had anything to do with me, although we did have problems. I think it was just his way of getting rid of the guilt and making himself feel better. 

He too has said that there is no one else involved and never gave me any indication throughout the marriage that there was, however deep down I have a feeling that there is. I tried talking to him and suggested we go to counselling but he would not have any of it. A part of me would like to know if he is having an affair but at the end of the day, I think what difference will it make to me by knowing. Although, I am sure that if I had access to his phone records etc I would check! 

I wish I could offer you some advice but if he is so set on the fact that he has made his mind up then I doubt there is little you can do to change his mind at the moment, it is a huge shock and heartbreaking. Try and keep yourself busy, see and talk to friends and family, allow yourself to feel down and cry when you need to, eat well and try and get enough sleep. I wish you luck


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## Shelly29 (Oct 9, 2010)

Thanks chasing rainbows....I am not sure how long I can watch us living under the same roof... I hope therapy sessions will help get all the answers both him and I need...because he still can't get me a real answer. I am trying to keep myself busy....I have ok times, then huge down falls...i cry, y weep out loud, i hyperventilate....


He moved all his clothes out of our closet and moved them upstairs to the third spare bedroom... our closet is now half empty. I was bawling. I had to take down our wedding photo in the bedroom because it hurt to see that picture. Tonight he came down to the tv room to tell me he was making some dinner and wanted to see if I wanted any. It threw me off guard. Not sure what to make of that......


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## rome2012 (Sep 10, 2010)

I so feel your pain !!!

My husband does the same thing....

He wanted wings one night and asked me if I wanted some and I said no thanks I don't feel like wings.....so he got on his shoes and came back into the living room asking: are you sure ??? Do you want anything else ??? 

So confused !!!!


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## Shelly29 (Oct 9, 2010)

what does that even mean?? Do they have second thoughts about it all...... or is he trying to be nice to ease the blow..... I don't want to be lead on because when he does these things I feel there might be a glimmer of hope, you know?


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## rome2012 (Sep 10, 2010)

I honestly think my husband does have second thoughts about it.....

We still are sleeping in the same bed and we had sex almost every night now.....

But during the day he's still distant....nice and civil but distant.....

I hope that with every day he is around me and sees the changes I'm making for my (our?) life he will reconsider and think about his kids....

I'm worried though because he is a very hard headed man (retired soldier and now police officer) and he usually finishes what he starts....

I hope and pray that it would be different in our case because he would lose more than he would gain out of a divorce....way more....

He said himself that our kids are going to hate him because they are mommy's boys.....

He would have to sell our dream house....

He would lose a lot more money than staying married and giving our love another chance....

Either way....I am praying for him to reconsider.....I'm doing all I can possibly do to prove my love for him by changing my life the way it should have been years ago.....


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## rome2012 (Sep 10, 2010)

Oh, and one more thing....

Just trying to be nice ?!?!? 

They're breaking our hearts.....how can you be nice about this ???

My husband wants to stay friends too, but if he really divorces me it would take quite some time before I could be friends with him again !!!!!


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## holdingtwenty (Jul 28, 2010)

I know how you feel about not getting a real answer. My wife and I own a house that I love and she hates. I asked her why, she could not give me a real reason other than to say, "The weather is cold here in the winter." When I asked her why she wanted to move to Florida and away from our friends and our family, she said, "the weather." I think my wife has a lot of anger and depression built up inside her and wants to run away from all her problems. Maybe she just needs medication, I do not know but I do know she needs help and refuses to get any.


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## Chasing Rainbows (Oct 9, 2010)

I could not cope with living under the same roof. I asked him why he was staying if he did not want to be with me and try and work things out. I think he said that if he had somewhere to go then he would, he also said he was not sure if leaving would make him feel better or worse. I wish that I had not been so hasty in asking to leave, however for us I do not think it would have made much difference and just prolonged the intense pain.

I hope that you both do attend therapy and that he feels able to open up and to discuss what it is that is not making him happy. I am pleased to hear you are keeping yourself busy and allowing yourself to be upset too. I have found reading these forums a great help and I do hope that we can reconcile one day although I am not holding my breath on that one. I am taking time to concentrate on me, what part I played in this big mess I find myself in, what I want from my life. I feel much stronger already and I although it is a difficult road I am travelling at the moment I know that I will be a better happier person for it whether my spouse wants to be a part of my life or not. 

It may well be that your husband is having second thoughts, I think that it is only natural to have these feelings, he could also just be trying to make himself feel less guilty for making this decision by offering to make you something to eat. What I am pleased about though is that he is saying he is prepared to go to therapy with you as he could have just point blank refused.


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## Shelly29 (Oct 9, 2010)

This morning I got up and decided I'm not making the first move. I went downstairs to make coffee and get ready, he came downstairs to get ready too, i ignored him, didnt talk, look at him or anything. He was heading out the door and saying bye to "my doggies" and he said hey" I don't want us to be like this,, i really want you to have a good day at work" I looked at him and then turned around and walked out the front door....

Then he emailed me later in the morning saying he wants us to be civil and to be able to talk, but that he knows right now that is hard to do. He never wanted to make it this hard but it has come down to this.

We have been emailing back and forth a bit and he has slightly been opening up a little about his thoughts...I still think we need therapy as there is a deeper rooted issue he isn't admitting too.


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## Shelly29 (Oct 9, 2010)

so tonight we have been chatting because he is at work and im home. He told me tonight that he says I dont have a passion for anything... that I dont push myself in any of the activities we do...and that I give up on all the activities he loves to do. Ok he loves snowboarding, mtn biking, downhill biking...snow shoeing....the gym, hiking...anything extreme....

Now let me say that I have done EVERYTHING he has loved... I am nto good or a Pro like he is on any of those things... and i have told him, its frustrating to have a guy who rocks at all that stuff and here i am falling and crashing all the time and frustrated that I am not good. Its a hard blow. I told him i have never given up on anything, I didnt grow up doing any of those sports so everythign I have learned has been with him, I enjoy them at times when I am not bruised or hurt... but I never said no and have been saying that I want to do so-and-so....but we just haven't. I told him he can't expect to find his equal half in everything..... am I being unrealistic... do I need to push harder to show him that I don't give up? To prove that I dont give up?


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## workin' (Jun 3, 2010)

DO NOT let him make this about YOU. He has given you no clue, as to what he is thinking, or planning. This can't be because you won't "come out and play with him". IMO, he is abusing you, mentally and emotionally. 

Did you get the phone records? Did you make a therapy appointment? Get thee there....fast! Even if he does not open up...or backs out...you can have help dealing with all of this.

BTW...you are not crying for "no reason".


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## Shelly29 (Oct 9, 2010)

Found a therapist...going to call tomorrow. Karma had a kickass way at sticking it to him this weekend. He ended up with severe back spasams that he had to go to the ER because he couldnt move (I was away for the weekend) but he spent the weekend with vicodin and laying in bed.... Kind of ironic how he needed someone who would be his equal and would push him yadda yadda....look what happened now.......

Anyways....Got home today from my trip, he was upstairs in his room, didnt say hi, nothing...Im still hitting highs and lows....random **** makes me angry, random **** makes me cry. Every mushy couple in love made me angry...it sucked. My plans this week are to get an appointment for therapy with him, and I have two meetings to see if I can refinance our loan, put it under my name and afford it.....even though in the back of my head im crying inside because all I want is for him to have a reality check and tell me he is game to try a second time.....


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## dantanph (Feb 7, 2010)

Oh my God! Shelly, I feel you.

I am going through the same thing.

When they want out of the relationship, they put the blame on us. That is what my husband keeps on doing.

I begged and swallowed all the pride I have to give our family a chance. But he was heartless. To think that there is a 27-month old boy involved. He said, he does not love me anymore the way he used to because he found himself a new girlfriend.

I do believe in karma and it will catch up on him very soon. I know God loves me and my son and as the Good Lord said, "vengeance is mine, not yours." I know sometime soon he will regret letting go of me and our son.

I am so sorry if there are no other things I can offer to you but my sincere prayers.

You take care of yourself. I believe we deserve better men than these guys.


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## Shelly29 (Oct 9, 2010)

I dont understand how someone can give up on a marriage in a blink of an eye....make a decision for 2 people and not give that person they fell in love with a second chance to make things work????


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## rome2012 (Sep 10, 2010)

I just can't believe it's only because you're not enjoying or joining his hobbies....

There's got to be more !!!!


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## ru4real? (Oct 18, 2010)

Hi,
I don't know what kind of a person your husband is, but this story seems very familiar to me. My husband was acting strange for about 2 weeks before he told me that he no longer wants to be with me. When I would ask him why, he would tell me that he just dosent feel the same for me and that he is not happy with me! He told me he felt like this for months but I never noticed anything until 2 weeks before. Well, I found out he was cheating and even when I asked him he would always say no and denied everything.I even had proof and tons of phone records but still he denied! Have you noticed any change in his appearance, his mood after getting a text message or phone call? I know my husband started worring about his look and always wanted to smell good! He would tell me he has to go and get a few things at the store and would come back 3 hours later :scratchhead: Thats when I knew things were going down hill..I am not saying that this is the same in your case, but if you know your husband you know that something is not right when he wants a divorce out of no where! I am sorry you are going through this and I wish you all the best


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## dantanph (Feb 7, 2010)

Shelly, I have the same question and never got an answer. All I felt is that it is all my fault.

The father of my son does not want to give our family another chance no matter how much I begged and I literally begged on my knees crying.

It did not work. Even just for our son, he is not willing to work.

Before this email, I was just chatting a friend who went through divorce herself two years ago and she told me that my son and I deserve someone better than a guy who cheated on me.





Shelly29 said:


> I dont understand how someone can give up on a marriage in a blink of an eye....make a decision for 2 people and not give that person they fell in love with a second chance to make things work????


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## takris (Sep 22, 2010)

Are you sure your husband hasn't been trying to hint for some time and maybe you just missed it? Maybe you took it as 'letting off steam'?

Sometimes, the reason is very hard to put into words, but I'm in no way suggesting that its not his responsibility to try to be clear about it. Just don't assume its another woman with such determination that you miss something else.

I've tried to tell my wife for some time that I am really unhappy, but she just get that look... Of course, she suffers from borderline personality behaviours, so she threatened suicide the last time I told her that I was very unhappy. Thing is, I'm not going to let this go on forever, but she tells our conselor that there is no risk of divorce. I can see her being surprised and asking herself if it was another woman, etc. But I'm not the kind've guy that would do that.

My wife feels intimidated that I do so many things, and sometimes wants to focus on sharing my interests, but this is not the issue for me. I've probably told her a million times that I'd give anything to hear her say 'I love you' without being prompted, or simply smile, but she gets frustrated and accuses me of trying to make her into another person. Definately not saying this might be your issue, but am just encouraging you to look at the hints in a different light.

Point is, even though the risk might be slight, it may just be something that he can't find words to describe, but maybe you could prompt him about past conversations, etc.


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## Shelly29 (Oct 9, 2010)

ru4real...He rarely gets texts...no real pone calls except for his guy friends, who I always ask, "Oh who's that"? We have done that to each other forever.... I havent pulled phone or text records but think i will on Thursday....I have asked him several times if its someone else and he said absolutely not...and that he would have never done that to me. Somehow I believe him (but then again....in this position i could be totally wrong since I didnt see this coming u know??


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## Shelly29 (Oct 9, 2010)

takris: I am trying to go back in time and figure things otu and see if there were hints along the way. Thing is we don't fight....we get along super (anyone could tell you that) He is super level headed and I have learned patience with him....he only mentioned a month ago he was unhappy with his work.... he mentioned this a coupel times that he didnt like what he was doing.... but over a week ago he said that it was me...and it wasn't work. Iwould have never suspected that as he truely led me to believe everything was fine... i mean a week before he lost it and told me he wanted this ot be over, we were on a rafting trip for his b-day, enjoying great dinner...going on a 3 hr hike...then a week goes by and he does a 180.


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## takris (Sep 22, 2010)

Shelly29 said:


> takris: I am trying to go back in time and figure things otu and see if there were hints along the way. Thing is we don't fight....we get along super (anyone could tell you that) He is super level headed and I have learned patience with him....he only mentioned a month ago he was unhappy with his work.... he mentioned this a coupel times that he didnt like what he was doing.... but over a week ago he said that it was me...and it wasn't work. Iwould have never suspected that as he truely led me to believe everything was fine... i mean a week before he lost it and told me he wanted this ot be over, we were on a rafting trip for his b-day, enjoying great dinner...going on a 3 hr hike...then a week goes by and he does a 180.


If it helps coming from a guy, please don't dwell on the fear that it may be you. You wouldn't believe how some guys can just get this dreamy fantasy picture of how a marriage should be, yet they can't quite put their finger on what's wrong with the marriage. The one thing that is definately lacking is his ability t committ himself to doing what it takes to make this a great relationship. You are asking the questions of yourself and seeking genuine input from him, so its up to him to take the next step. I wish you the best in this.


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## Shelly29 (Oct 9, 2010)

So do I just sit back and wait? Do I want till we get couseling (as he asked me this last night, if we had made that appointment yet) Do i subtly or slowly try and be civil, small talk? inquire etc? 

Last night I was talking to my sister and I told her that I am going to try everything, push as much as I can without pushign him away, ask, contribute, be civil, smile, say hi, etc....I want to try everything I can in my power to see if I can find the true reason for all this and to fight for us.... if we go through therapy and there are still no straight answers and he is still ademant about wanting out....then I have said my peace, I know I did ALL i could to fight for this but he didn't want to fight for this one bit, then I can let this chapter of my life go (as much as it pains me) and find someone else. But right now I do not want to give up on him as I truely love and care for him....he is my best friend and has been for so long, its jsut so hard and harsh to let go all of a sudden from one day to another.


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## takris (Sep 22, 2010)

Shelly29 said:


> So do I just sit back and wait? Do I want till we get couseling (as he asked me this last night, if we had made that appointment yet) Do i subtly or slowly try and be civil, small talk? inquire etc? .


Not sure I'm the best one to answer this. My wife suffers from borderline personality disorder. If she actually told me that we have something worth fighting for, I'd pass out from shock. That said, I would think that if you take that role 100%, he might interpret it as desperate. In other words, there have to be ways to show him that he will be losing out on a lot if you two split without driving him away even further by being completely tough as nails. Maybe let him see what you were like when you were dating. There was a reason he pursued you. 

At some point, when you feel like he's not responding, maybe he needs to hear you say that your tolerance can only go so far, and that you are confident enough in yourself that you will find happiness in another relationship. Maybe let him know that you would prefer that with him, but he is the one not contributing to this possibility.

Another thing. In a previous section, you found it odd that he was trying to be nice and offer things. Maybe its his way of hoping to get out of the marriage with you thinking of him as a good guy. He feels guilty and wants you to tell him its okay. Well, its definately not okay, so maybe every time he asks if you want him to do some small favor, tell him that what you really want is for him to give you a reason that you can understand.


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## workin' (Jun 3, 2010)

Just MY opinion but...I would stop trying to work on him, until you get to therapy and start getting to the bottom of things. Small talk..yes. Heavy-duty talks...no. You have been trying and trying that, with no success. IF I WERE YOU, I would make that appointment for ASAP, then check your financial, phone, etc., records, for any concrete evidence of straying.
My Hubby knew that I knew some things but he had no clue as to the extent of my knowledge. THAT had an effect on him developing SOME empathy for my feelings.

Hard as it may be, at this time, I would let him wonder as to what you are feeling, and what you are up to...unless he comes out and asks. If he does something nice, say thank you...that's it. 

See what the therapist says, but get that appointment!


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## elmo (Jun 21, 2010)

Shelley. I sympathize for you. You are just entering what the beginning phases of an actual divorce are. My story is nearly identical to yours. My wife came to me 6 months ago and said the same thing, later I found facebook messages between her and an old friend from years ago. I questioned her and she got defensive so I let it drop. Five days later, she humiliated me in front of her family proclaiming she was divorcing me. This devistated me because I didn't see it coming and because I had been a good husband, father, and provider. I hate to say this, but get ready for the worst. I strongly feel that your husband has someone else and there is someone else in the picture. He just doesn't have a plan yet. My wife during our temporary hearing called for marriage counselling playing on my sympathy so I would let her have the house (she was the one who moved out). I did so thinking she was sincere only to find that she played me and her and the OM had plans for months of getting the house, selling it and building them one. I never knew someone could be so heartless and wicked but she has proved that. I hope in your situation things are different, but I do feel because your situation is so similar that there is another woman involved. Keep in mind, it's not you. It's him, he's the one with issues. There is nothing you can do that will change things.


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## Shelly29 (Oct 9, 2010)

I got an appointment for therapy with him Thursday afternoon....tomorrow im going to get the phone records...but I guess i cant pull the actual texts... I got home earlier and tried looking through his comp... found nothing, will try more on thursday when he is at work and i am at home as i should have more time. I dont know how to read him because we dont talk at all....

I was talkign to m sister yesterday.... I haven't given up... i mean its a marriage right? we have to fight.... Im goign to give it as much as I can..without drowing the subject....if things dont go well in the end at least I can end this knowing that I tried all I can, and have no regrets for not trying....


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## Shelly29 (Oct 9, 2010)

Update: today we had to discuss bills over google chat at work.... hewas telling me he paid all the bills for the rest of the month and will let me know what m half is.... then he said that we will have to go ahead and do the same for next month( Since it is in a week or so). So i asked him what his game plan was and he said he didnt have one, so I asked him when he was planning on moving out (since he decided he wanted to end a 6 yr marriage all of a sudden) He said he couldn't afford to leave the house since he is paying half the bills and to also find a place for himself.... I was pretty angry today because he brought this on us... he all of a sudden oen night said he wants out with no real reason, yet he is the one that wont leave next month because he can't afford it....am i being crazy??

We finally got an appointment tomorrow for marriage therapy and I am super nervous... it can either go hella bad or semi ok....i cross my fingers we can break through to him, but deep inside im scared he meant it when he said its over and there is nothing anyone can do to fix it. I'm going ot bring up the living situation with the therapist... its just weird and makes it so much harder on me knowing he is in the other room, it makes me cry and feel such heartache that he wont even try......


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## workin' (Jun 3, 2010)

I hope things go well today. It will probably be exhausting for you.
You are not crazy. That is an unhealthy living situation. I would love to know what the therapist thinks about that, and that he is now splitting the bills in half?? Please, if you feel like it, let us know how things go.


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## Shelly29 (Oct 9, 2010)

Today was very emotional.... Im so drained. Therapy went good i would say, i mean i learned alot... There is no one else nor is he lookign for anyone else... in cliffnotes: He doesnt have a specific answer but inside he feels like he needs to live his life without anyone else.. he wants to do all these things (which i dunno yet) and feels he cant do it married....he doesnt want to be responsible for anyone but himself... therapist said something about us being "trauma bonds"? i forget her words.. but because we were young.... he deployed to iraq we bonded under all those stressful circumstances and we built this marriage on that when he came back... we leaned on each other the whole time. I think he feels he has never lived his life alone.....

He said today that the tings he said about me he didnt mean, he was trying to find fault in me for the deep issues he has been going through but couldnt pin point or answer. It is sad and hurts me to have to let someone i truely love go....but i feel he needs this...he needs to be alone and figure things out. Sometimes I hate reality.  lol


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