# to post or not to post



## naga75 (Jul 5, 2012)

ok yeah so i have laid out a lot of my story here for my advisors on TAM.:smthumbup:
now, i want to ask a question.
my wifes 2 year affair ended (finally and absolutely) in june.
i have been toying with posting POSOM on cheaterville.
just to stir the pot i think, or really just to be a d!ck. thats just how i roll.
its really p!sses me off that, essentially, he got away with what he did. and now that its been a few months i figure he probably thinks i have forgotten about him and has gotten comfortable in his life again.
im sorry, he had a hand in wrecking my marriage. i dont really want his life to be comfortable.
i just want him to realize, once again, that i am smarter than he is. lol. petty?


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## underwater2010 (Jun 27, 2012)

I would not do it. While it might give you a moments pleasure, it does not solve the problem. Sometimes people get away with their bad behavior. That is just the nature of the world.

And sadly if you are going to put POSOM on there, then you need to put your wife on there too. I don't think you really want to do that right?

The good news is that the affair is over. Now it is time to either work on your marriage or leave.


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## Eli-Zor (Nov 14, 2010)

There is no moratorium on when to stop exposing the OM. Do people know what he is, are his parents and friends aware he is a predator on your marriage. You have no certainty that he will keep away from your wife or another married woman until he feels the consequences. As long as the details of the affair are true then "yes" cheatersville is one of the options you should use. Thereafter move on with your life and focus on your marriage. 

Never let a person who has caused such damage to your family walk away safe in the knowledge that there are no consequences for their behaviour. You will be saving another marriage , people should know what he is. Its has nothing to do with revenge it has everything to do with ensuring there is no going back to the affair for your wife , and it can be therapeutic for you to take action to protect your marriage. Do not say anything to your wife until sometime after and keep to the facts.

Don't be dissuade by comments that you should post your wife there, thats not for you to do its for the OM's wife or significant other to do.

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## JMGrey (Dec 19, 2012)

naga75 said:


> ok yeah so i have laid out a lot of my story here for my advisors on TAM.:smthumbup:
> now, i want to ask a question.
> my wifes 2 year affair ended (finally and absolutely) in june.
> i have been toying with posting POSOM on cheaterville.
> ...


Out his ass, good sir. Maximum carnage. If you don't, he's going to continue to wreck marriages and families. Not only would I post him on cheaterville (and any other cheater directories I could find) I would BCC any contacts of his (family, friends, colleagues, religious associations) the profile on cheaterville and as much of your story as you feel comfortable divulging to complete strangers. Don't leave him a corner where he can hide or dissemble.


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## naga75 (Jul 5, 2012)

underwater2010 said:


> And sadly if you are going to put POSOM on there, then you need to put your wife on there too. I don't think you really want to do that right?


well, actually i really dont think thats necessary. my wife has dealt with my wrath and suffered consequences for her actions.
she has to live with me and deal with my moods and brooding and all of that stuff (which is actually starting to dissipate finally). she has witnessed first-hand the devastation she brought upon our marriage and her husband. she has had to see our friends and family that know and deal with that. she knows. she has faced the consequence of her action. as much consequence as i am willing to give her and trust me it has not been a constant six months of pleasantness and forgiveness from me.
POSOM, not so much.


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## underwater2010 (Jun 27, 2012)

naga75 said:


> well, actually i really dont think thats necessary. my wife has dealt with my wrath and suffered consequences for her actions.
> she has to live with me and deal with my moods and brooding and all of that stuff (which is actually starting to dissipate finally). she has witnessed first-hand the devastation she brought upon our marriage and her husband. she has had to see our friends and family that know and deal with that. she knows. she has faced the consequence of her action. as much consequence as i am willing to give her and trust me it has not been a constant six months of pleasantness and forgiveness from me.
> POSOM, not so much.


While she has experienced your "wrath" in your personal life ie friends and family.....Cheaterville is a very public domain. My point was if you are going to put his dirty laundry out for anyone to see, you have to do the same for your wife.

Trust me, I thought about doing this too. The only thing that stopped me was knowing what my FWH has suffered through already.

Think about it this way....if it was not him, it would have been someone else. Your wife was weak and looking for the attention. It would be the same with my FWH. Otherwise she would not have had the affair. Knowing the name of the POSOM is just a by product.


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## naga75 (Jul 5, 2012)

actually, i see your point.
but no, i dont have to do anything i do "for him" to my wife.
i was gonna push his face in, until his wife begged me not to and i came to my senses. never really thought of hurting the wifey.
i have to respect my wife, even now. and she has earned it and continues to do so IMO. 
POSOM, well he hasnt earned anything from me. nothing. except whatever fate decides to hand him. by my hand or another. i dont owe him the favor or consideration of not outing him. my wife, i can make that argument. him, no way. so while i can certainly see where you are coming from i do not necessarily agree with how you arrived to it. once again, all opinions here and yours is welcome.


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## naga75 (Jul 5, 2012)

i have a draft ready for cv, anyone wanna read it?


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## Eli-Zor (Nov 14, 2010)

naga75 said:


> i have a draft ready for cv, anyone wanna read it?


Nope. 

Stick to the facts only, follow logic and remove any emotion. Take a few days drafting the words and when ready take action.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## naga75 (Jul 5, 2012)

Eli-Zor said:


> Nope.
> 
> Stick to the facts only, follow logic and remove any emotion. Take a few days drafting the words and when ready take action.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Ok that is a good idea, to remove the emotion. Its rather insulting. 
Cold and calculating, i think youre right that would be even better. 
Thanks.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## CH (May 18, 2010)

Is he married? Did you contact his wife? If so then leave it at that.

The blame lies on your wife 100%, the OM didn't contribute to the affair. All it needed was your wife to say no. If you need someone to take it out on, you've got the wrong person in your cross-hairs.

People unless the OM/OW put a gun to your spouse/SO head and told them to cheat they did not contribute to the affair.

No, I'm married.
No, I'm with someone right now.

That's all they needed to say and they didn't so it's 100% your spouses fault and no one elses IMO. Blaming others is just a way to protect the image of your spouse so you can look them in the face and not feel liking puking all over them or worse.

You screwed up my life, you destroyed my family, you don't deserve what you have now, etc...

Guess what, those should be directed at your wife, the OM didn't do any of that, it was all on your wife. Let go of the anger if your wife has started to be the wife you've always wanted.

NOBODY ELSE IS TO BLAME BUT YOUR CHEATING SPOUSE, end of discussion and I'm the damn cheater in my marriage.

If I had just said, NO I wouldn't be here and you wouldn't be here if your wife had said NO also.


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## LAL45 (Jan 1, 2013)

Be prepared that if you expose the OM on Cheaterville - that in time the betrayed spouse of the OM will too expose your spouse in the very same way. I'm mean really - your spouse harmed her as much as the OM harmed you. 

Expose the affair to the other spouse.. beyond that.. move on.

There was much I wanted to do in the first 6-9 months post d-day with my H and his OW... I'm grateful that I got a ton of support not to do things permanently online - years later I can see that anything that I did to punish his OW online (like cheaterville) would also harm my H which would ultimately take away from the progress we made in our reconciliation. 

I vote no.


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## C-man (Oct 23, 2012)

naga75 - you need some way to give yourself some closure. The affair and cheating is your wife's responsibility, but agree the POSOM should not get away scott free. That's my belief. 

If exposing the POSOM is the way, then do it and move on. If there's another way - do that and move on. But do whatever you have to do to get some closure and then move on. Don't get your hopes up that exposing the guy will bring you to closure - just be realistic that it is just one small step in your recovery. In my case, i contacted the POSOM when I learned, after the fact, that my wife's EA had actually been a PA. Did I get satisfaction? A little - but less than I thought. Did it help me to move on? Yes. Because if I hadn't contacted the POSOM, I would always be thinking I should have.


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

I'm in a similar boat to yours naga75. I've been debating a while on whether to post the POSOM on cheaterville. And believe me, if there was ever a POSOM that deserved it, it's him. His wife too for that matter. This guy held a fairly prominent position before he retired recently and OH how I would love to bust his chops.

However, I'm 15 months in R and I've probably waited too long. I now worry about the consequences to our R, including the POSOM's wife doing the same thing to my wife. I doubt that would help with our marriage.

I've always thought that if I wind up divorcing her, that posting him would be the first thing on my to do list. But who knows, maybe I'll change my mind. 

Glad to see a discussion about this.


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## naga75 (Jul 5, 2012)

LAL45 said:


> Be prepared that if you expose the OM on Cheaterville - that in time the betrayed spouse of the OM will too expose your spouse in the very same way. I'm mean really - your spouse harmed her as much as the OM harmed you.
> 
> Expose the affair to the other spouse.. beyond that.. move on.
> 
> ...


thanks for posting, this is a good argument against doing it. i can see how it could hurt our R. and we have made a lot of progress. i didnt have to expose it to his spouse. she knew about it a YEAR before i did and didnt have the decency to tell me. i found out she knew when i contacted her in april to tell her about my wife and her husband (which was the same day i found out for myself it was actually not a few-time "fling", which is what my wife told me in march). nice huh. i felt sorry for her for a minute but then she told me that and i was basically like "wtfe, you dumb b**ch, thanks for letting me know". so, to be honest its like i didnt even get to out the POS to his own wife, which makes me feel cheated to a certain degree, which is perhaps why i still entertain the thought of doing it on CV.


> naga75 - you need some way to give yourself some closure. The affair and cheating is your wife's responsibility, but agree the POSOM should not get away scott free. That's my belief.
> 
> If exposing the POSOM is the way, then do it and move on. If there's another way - do that and move on. But do whatever you have to do to get some closure and then move on. Don't get your hopes up that exposing the guy will bring you to closure - just be realistic that it is just one small step in your recovery. In my case, i contacted the POSOM when I learned, after the fact, that my wife's EA had actually been a PA. Did I get satisfaction? A little - but less than I thought. Did it help me to move on? Yes. Because if I hadn't contacted the POSOM, I would always be thinking I should have.


this is also good advice. i dont know what i need for closure.
this gleeful little devil in the back of my mind just whispers for me to do it. because i never got the satisfaction of beating his fvcking a$$. kids and jail really make you re-think that kind of stuff. and to be honest, i find it kind of a petty act (at this point) myself. i like to think that through it all, through all the hurt and humiliation and anger...i still took the high road. and the high road is certainly somewhere i hadnt spent a lot of time. i still held myself to higher standards than my wife or the POSOM. from that perspective, i can see how NOT doing it would benefit me in the long run. i cant decide if i am considering it because i am just an angry vengeful person and i want to hurt this man...or if its to give me closure.


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## SomedayDig (Jul 17, 2012)

I posted the xOM on cheaterville last summer. Right now, his "profile" has almost 1,000,000 hits!! Yes. One MILLION.

He used to be an attorney. His name is now MUD. He is a glorified salesman for a power company now.

F-ck an OP. I don't give 2 sh-ts about him.

Oh...and if his wife wanted to put Regret on there, she has every right. And Regret knows that.


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## The Middleman (Apr 30, 2012)

SomedayDig said:


> I posted the xOM on cheaterville last summer. Right now, his "profile" has almost 1,000,000 hits!! Yes. One MILLION.
> 
> He used to be an attorney. His name is now MUD. He is a glorified salesman for a power company now.
> 
> ...


Please send the link!


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## SomedayDig (Jul 17, 2012)

Ohhh...I'd LOVE to send the link. However, that would take away our anonymity as well as our location. I just opened the profile and it shows exactly 977,716 views with a 4 star scumbag rank as voted by 29,877 people.

Ohhhh...I'd LOVE to send the link.

I just can't.


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## In_The_Wind (Feb 17, 2012)

Hi Naga I say expose their are some folks who get off on destroying other people's lives
They move from one affair to the next seeing how many marriages they can crush using the unknowing 
Or willing spouse along the way. Look at what My man Dig did that's is awesome just letting others 
Know who someone is.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

so far everyone that has posted on cheaterville here has said they thought it was great. Not one has ever said they wish they hadn't.

I haven't seen one arguement against it that didn't just sound like rugsweeping and a lack of grit.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Most importantly, it lets other people looking to see what kind of fellow he is what a pile of crap he is. It may save other families/people from his treachery.

And his wife desreves it for not telling you so you could stop it. Let the gutless wonder and the cheating jerk sleep in the bed they made


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## naga75 (Jul 5, 2012)

Well, lots of good points. And i TOTALLY agree with dig that his wife has every right to post my wife if she chooses. 
I havent really heard anything that has dissuaded me from doing it. 
I have been thinking about it setting us back in R, but to be honest i think he deserves it and if my wife catches some fallout from it, thats just how it goes. 
Just trying to decide at this point wether to make it a kind of insulting smart a$$ post, or just sticking to the facts and being all robotic about it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

I am in the minority, but I'd put him on. Even if it meant someone posting your wife. Public shame can be a very poignant aspect of healing for everyone. It creates humility and contriteness, and as we have seen from a couple of posters around here, those who are never held up for shame sometimes never develop an appropriate level of such. And that creates a militant attitude about their betrayal.

If your wife ends up on there, she needs to understand it just goes with the territory. I believe in crime and punishment. In the work I have done with incarcerated vets, it's more the public ridicule and shame that forces them to really look at themselves for who they are and what they have done.


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## theroad (Feb 20, 2012)

badmemory said:


> I'm in a similar boat to yours naga75. I've been debating a while on whether to post the POSOM on cheaterville. And believe me, if there was ever a POSOM that deserved it, it's him. His wife too for that matter. This guy held a fairly prominent position before he retired recently and OH how I would love to bust his chops.
> 
> However, I'm 15 months in R and I've probably waited too long. I now worry about the consequences to our R, including the POSOM's wife doing the same thing to my wife. I doubt that would help with our marriage.
> 
> ...


There is never an expiration date for exposure.

If you are going to expose then do it right. Then add a cheaterville posting as a cherry on top.

As to those posters that are trying to protect the OM by saying if you are going to put OM on CV then you have to put your WW on CV as well. Have they not been here long enough to realize that recovery can never take place if a BS places the same level of hate on their WS as they do the OM. There is no motivation to hold back on OM. There is no BH that wants to recover with the OM.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

And who knows, if enough cheaters are outed on cheaterville and like sites, just maybe this cheating epidemic will slow down.

Use the annoymous function at cheaterville to let him know.


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## staystrong (Sep 15, 2012)

There's something about CV which is very low class to me. Getting involved with it makes me feel low class, even if I'm the BH. 

It just seems so spiteful. 

What if your kids read the posting years from now when they do a name search for their parent? Or if their friends read it? It could be very embarrassing for your kids if your WS is posted. 

I think if you're into revenge, okay I get it... it's good. 

If the the OW or OM is an absolute a$$ and homewrecker, it's very appropriate.


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## naga75 (Jul 5, 2012)

chapparal said:


> And who knows, if enough cheaters are outed on cheaterville and like sites, just maybe this cheating epidemic will slow down.
> 
> Use the annoymous function at cheaterville to let him know.


Shoot, i was just gonna email him the link. 
And yeah, it is spiteful. But then again, i tend to harbor some spite for the guy that banged my wife for two years, told her how rotten i was, told her how much he "loved" her, then threw her under the bus in a heartbeat when i found out about it all. And in a sense, even though it was a phony "love"...he broke her heart. 
And i had to deal with that, and help her heal. He didnt. So yes. I have some spite for the POS.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## staystrong (Sep 15, 2012)

naga75 said:


> Shoot, i was just gonna email him the link.
> And yeah, it is spiteful. But then again, i tend to harbor some spite for the guy that banged my wife for two years, told her how rotten i was, told her how much he "loved" her, then threw her under the bus in a heartbeat when i found out about it all. And in a sense, even though it was a phony "love"...he broke her heart.
> And i had to deal with that, and help her heal. He didnt. So yes. I have some spite for the POS.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yours sounds warranted. 

But what if he decides to put your wife up and say nasty things about her? Or even put you up and lie about it?

I'm just saying if you are dealing with a real *********, things could escalate.


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## naga75 (Jul 5, 2012)

Thats a good point. 
Once again, if my wife hadnt had an affair with him, she wouldnt have to worry about that happening. 
Its a consequence, i suppose. 
And i dont think the guy has the nuts to say anything like that about me. He was one breath from a hospital visit in june, and he knows it. 
But, if he does, well i dont really know what i'd do.
Probably nothing pleasant.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## The Middleman (Apr 30, 2012)

chapparal said:


> And who knows, if enough cheaters are outed on cheaterville and like sites, just maybe this cheating epidemic will slow down.
> 
> Use the annoymous function at cheaterville to let him know.


The one thing about cheaterville and the sites like it is that it brings some form of consequences to the cheating behavior pattern. In the old days there were stigmas attached to aberrant behavior. Today we do the opposite, we punish people that are judgmental .... and you want to know why there is a cheating epidemic? Cheaterville is a way to hold a cheater or an AP accountable for their actions that gives them some sort of stigma or consequence. Besides, getting even just feels good .... as long as your telling the truth. I'm sure samedadig's wife's AP took an economic hit for being on cheaterville.


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## theroad (Feb 20, 2012)

staystrong said:


> There's something about CV which is very low class to me. Getting involved with it makes me feel low class, even if I'm the BH.
> 
> It just seems so spiteful.
> 
> ...


Kids should know the truth behind the divorce and who the low life AP was.


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## couple (Nov 6, 2010)

I would not do this for many reasons (you may not agree with every single one of them but I think there are many reasons why this is a bad idea:

1. unless he was a friend he owed nothing to you. You're wife is the one that committed to you. She was willing and even if this particular guy "did the right thing" a million others would be there to take what she was giving.

2. It makes you look bad. Unless you lost all self respect, I would not do it.

3. It puts your story out there for EVERYONE to see FOREVER. If you R with her, your very private matter in your marriage is out there in the public domain. Your children's (or future children's) friends can see it, your employer, future employer, etc can all see it.

4. Unless you, your wife and any children have absolutely nothing embarrassing then he can retaliate and put stuff out there about you that will embarrass you forever. Even if you don't, he can make stuff up. He can bring up (or make up) things she said about you. Again, unless you've lost all self respect, can you stomach a public mud-slinging that will be out there for everyone to see forever?

5. He may not care anyway or it may secretly feed his ego. Unless you have no self respect left, do you really want to show him and everyone else that you were crushed by this guy?

6. It makes you look cowardly and childish. Even if some may have a different view, posting mud on the internet will appear cowardly and childish to many people. 

Be careful. You can't undo it once you start down this path. Does this sound cowardly? Perhaps, but see #6


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## naga75 (Jul 5, 2012)

Those are pretty good reasons, actually. 
I shoulda just beat the sh!t outta the guy. 
This sucks.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## The Middleman (Apr 30, 2012)

naga75 said:


> Those are pretty good reasons, actually.
> I shoulda just beat the sh!t outta the guy.
> This sucks.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Ideally that's the right thing to do, but that has its issues too, including jail (might be worth it though). When I was younger, a beating would have been my action of choice, today, I prefer causing economic hardship.


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## HuggyBear (Aug 4, 2012)

Never heard of cheaterville, but I guess that's one way to do it, but...

You're angry,angry enough to do something that can you in real trouble. Do what smart people do.

Talk to a lawyer. Maybe this guy owes you and your family a significant amount of damages. Depending on your location and the law, a lot might be possible. Some places still have adultery laws on the books.

Sure, your wife *may* be partly to blame, but there's probably a bit more on his side. After TSHTF, and the faces aren't as red, your lawyer can always hammer out a settlement where the guy will want it to end, and prevent any possible reciprocation

Just imagine the guy being served papers...

But stay away from the guy. Don't tell him (or your wife) ANYTHING that you plan to do outside the law. You don't need to be a chemist to know how to add some "unstable elements" to his life to get some violent reactions...


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## In_The_Wind (Feb 17, 2012)

staystrong said:


> There's something about CV which is very low class to me. Getting involved with it makes me feel low class, even if I'm the BH.
> 
> It just seems so spiteful.
> 
> ...


most folks that feel this way we typically see them back within a relatively short period of time talking how they should not have rug sweeped etc and how they should have listened to the ones that have been through this before, Exposure is designed to blow up a on going affair as well as let others know the real OM/OW chracter as long as someone is not lying I do not myself have a issue with it


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## naga75 (Jul 5, 2012)

this guys kids know about it. they are like 12 and 15.
his daughter had to peel him off her mama because he was like, beating her like a man in front of her.
i dont really know how i could humiliate him any more than that has, you know.
he humiliated himself to my wife, his wife, me, and most importantly, his children. 
so really i dont know why i want to do it. a (big) part of me thinks i am just trying to stir the pot, and get a reaction from him, so i have a chance to blow up on him and basically hand him a whoopin. and i guess thats really my hangup about doing it. its a bad deal all around when i look at it like that. that part seems petty, maybe. and totally takes away my travel on the high road. sigh.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Post the OM on CV. You just might be saving the marriage of the next poor guy who's wife is just friends with him.

Trash like him deserve to be publicaly outed, and our society needs to stand up to horrible people and hold them accountable fir their choices.

When we walk away from taking action because we "fear" or we worry, or we .... We let the bad guys win.


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## OldWolf57 (Mar 20, 2012)

I leave being the bigger person to the ppl that will let rapers walk.
My motto, " ski mask an bat ".
What more does a wife beater deserve ??


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## The Cro-Magnon (Sep 30, 2012)

underwater2010 said:


> I would not do it. While it might give you a moments pleasure, it does not solve the problem. Sometimes people get away with their bad behavior. That is just the nature of the world.
> 
> And sadly if you are going to put POSOM on there, then you need to put your wife on there too. I don't think you really want to do that right?
> 
> The good news is that the affair is over. Now it is time to either work on your marriage or leave.




Too many jellyfish on this planet.....


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## NotDoneYet (Oct 6, 2012)

Not worth it. He is out of your life at this point, why draw him back in? Don't you want him as far away from your marriage as possible? Don't you want your wife to never think of him again? Is your goal to save your marriage or to hurt the OM?

And if you really want revenge...well, you already got it. You took the woman he loves. Remember all the rage, pain, and despair you went through when you lost her? Now it's his turn.


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## naga75 (Jul 5, 2012)

NotDoneYet said:


> Not worth it. He is out of your life at this point, why draw him back in? Don't you want him as far away from your marriage as possible? Don't you want your wife to never think of him again? Is your goal to save your marriage or to hurt the OM?
> 
> And if you really want revenge...well, you already got it. You took the woman he loves. Remember all the rage, pain, and despair you went through when you lost her? Now it's his turn.


Yes, he is out of our lives as much as possible, barring us or them moving out of this town. 
This is also a good reason not to do it. I dont really want anything to do with him. Like i said, i think i was really just planning on doing it to bait him into a confrontation. 
We will cross paths again at some point, an i guess we'll see what happens then. 
My wife has already come to realize what a user, liar and a scumbag he is, so i guess i really dont care about anything but that. 
Thanks everyone for your input b
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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