# Why Can't I let gooooo



## Ms.Me4once (May 24, 2010)

Hey Ladies... 

Please give me some advice.. on my issue.. why is it so hard to let go of an unhealthy 10 year releationship... Lades.. who has been in an abusive relationship with kids... Please give me some advice... why do I want him back when I left him... WHY


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## AWife (Sep 25, 2010)

For me it took a while. You have to be strong. For me the abusive relationship was like labor pain, the pain was forgotten or at least minimized in my find. I would "forget" or downplay the bad. When I did that I would miss what was good. It wasn't bad 100% of the time after all. In time it got easier. Good luck!


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## Ms.Me4once (May 24, 2010)

Awife thank you.. I think that's what I'm going thru now.. I miss him so much... it's been 5 months.. and I haven't been with another man yet... so I'm lonely as ever... but like you said it wasn't bad the whole time... so all I can see is the good part.. then I keep picturing him with another female.. it hurts.. then I just found out he my have another baby on the way...


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## marriedtoo (Jul 8, 2010)

*sigh* Yes I think it's going to be a while b4 you get over I mean you spent 10 years with that man and it's been only 5 months. Try focusing on you instead, if you like to exercise try joining a club or something. See your self happy meeting the man you deserve.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Hearing about him only harms your already battered ego even more. 

What are you doing to work on your self-esteem?


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## Ms.Me4once (May 24, 2010)

@ marriedtoo, thank you, I will try and join a gym... that may help me out... @ turnera, I'm going to therapy.... which I haven't really been able to go every week.. because of my girls.. it's hard.. other then that I'm not doing anything thing to help my self-esteem.. any sugguestion..


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

EXERCISE! Start looking better and you will feel better.

READ. The more you read, the more you know - read anything! 

Listen to NPR radio and you'll start learning about people all over the world, and get out of your cocoon. You'll feel more learned and knowledgeable.

Start a craft you've always wanted to learn. When my DD20 gets back from college next time, we're going to learn how to make sushi.

Join a club or organization and start socializing with other women - it's empowering and uplifting.

VOLUNTEER! IMO, the #1 way to feel better about yourself. And Lord knows there are always millions of people worse off than we are, so helping them helps you, and it lets you see that you aren't so bad off.


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## Ms.Me4once (May 24, 2010)

Thanks Turnera, I sure will start getting more involved with as much as possible...


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Sounds good! I suggest you find your local library. Free stuff! And they always have organizations going on, stuff to do...


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## DeliciousCookies (Oct 18, 2010)

I don't know how old your girls are, but maybe you should look into things that also involve them. Since you have a hard time going to therapy because of them. 

Local libraries have great kids program and you could meet other moms.

If this is for you, church is always a welcoming place for families and individuals.

I agree about volunteering. You could also get the girls involved. It is good to have kids help others. 

I love reading and that always helps me escape the world. Plus, I get to learn a few new things. You could find a book club!

If you can't get to a gym, just work out around the house or the neighborhood. Exercise is a GREAT stress reliever.


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## Dontknowhow2love (Aug 13, 2010)

I was in a abusive relationship actually quite a few. I been stalked assaulted, kidnapped I got stories let me tell ya. I remember I use to feel that "this man loves me this much that he gets so Jealous" "this man loves me so much that he wants to take care of me" after every fight was the gifts and the promises of counseling. about 13 years ago he threatened to kill me, to put my face in scalding hot water because I wasn't doing what he wanted me to do. After we fought I was always a fighter so I fought back but I always winded up making him even more mad and I would get hurt. I decided I can't do this anymore. I did what he asked to stop the beating. I went to bed next to him. we woke up we both got ready for work and I cooked him breakfast. He went to work and I went to the police station. I pressed charges for 6 years had a PFA (protection from abuse ) from him the police contacted my landlord so they would changed the locks without his permission ( because we were both on the lease) he came home that night doors were locked. I told him to leave and never come back he got arrested the next day at work. I went all the way in pressing charges. we had a child and she was my first priority I had to protect myself so I can protect her. I knew that if i let it continue this will one day be her future. I loved him but I had to go. I stayed strong , I immediately applied for custody because I know that for him and most abusers its about control! they will use what ever they can to control you. So I had to take control of my own life. They will use the kids, financial situations, even your feelings to try to make you do what it is they want. You have to love yourself more ladies. It is all these years later and I can say I broke the cycle. I am still hurt from it and I to this day have trust issues when it comes to men. This is my story I share it with you hoping that one of you will relate to what I been through. I shared with you the worst it esculated from black eyes, busted lips, punches even once he cut my hair when I was sleeping because he didn't like the attention I got from other men.


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