# Trickle Truth



## Regga (Jan 22, 2013)

It has been a minute! I'm sorry, but I got depressed continually reading the accounts of others experiencing...cheating. I had to leave for a while. And now I'm returning because my coping skills are lacking. 
I waited a year after I discovered my WH's PA to call the OW. He said he did not have sex...well, he did. I guess I knew, somewhere in my gut, two adults in a hotel room getting frisky does not stop at kissing. I called her, the OW, after a year because I figured she would have had enough time to "think." She apparently thought and thought and thought over that year and I think she was sincere when she apologized, which I didn't ask for. I just called, told her who I was and she started blabbing through tears. But, she did not know I was "oblivious" to them having sex.
I am not really mad about the reason my WH lied about the sex, I am just mad at myself.
I am going to trust my instincts about things that feel or sound wrong with my husband. I've always been right in the past. 
This is my second marriage. I have a two year old daughter and a step-son that is 11. I don't want to divorce, but I don't want to feel like I have to investigate my husband's life to find out the truth. He knows I constantly am seeking the truth. For heaven's sake, it's my work!
I no longer know if I'm allowing someone to walk all over me, or if I'm holding on to something that will be amazing. I'm really tired of just not knowing what to do.


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## ne9907 (Jul 17, 2013)

Regga said:


> I'm holding on to something that will be amazing.


I think that is the answer. I am so sorry about everything. Always trust your gut, always. 
You do know what to do, but you will need courage to face it. It will come with time. In the meantime, vent to us, we are here for you.


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## Calibre12 (Nov 27, 2012)

I feel your pain. Trickle truth and gaslighting are the worse...I wondered why a WH would lie about the sex part of things and I came to two conclusions, forgive me if I am wrong: 1) To continue the affair or continue the cheating lifestyle 2) To salvage their reps and remain in the marriage 3) A combination of 1 & 2. Sorry you are going through this. In my own experience, if the WS lies about the P part of an affair, there is false reconciliation and like all fake things, it will crash, no two ways about it. Nothing can survive on a lie. You will have to investigate and have to get the proof you need about him. If not, you should just accept whatever you are in and turn a blind-eye. Too, really evaluate your own fulfillment in the marriage. Are your needs being met? If not, there is nothing to save except yourself and your children. An alternative to divorce is once you get the "facts", get into counseling, both you and him. But remember, counseling is ineffective unless he is willing and honest.


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## Philat (Sep 12, 2013)

It's difficult to see what could be amazing about knowing you're being trickle-truthed, or outright lied to.


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## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

Dump him.

He doesn't deserve you.


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## harrybrown (May 22, 2013)

If he is not remorseful, and trying to do everything to help you with your pain, you need him to leave.

He can pay child support, alimony and give you a nice property settlement.

Marriage is hard work most of the time. It takes two trying hard. He is not trying, if he is lying. The TT will bring the pain back almost like another Dday.

Set him free, tell him to send money and go be with the OW.

He can TT her, and cheat on her. You will find a good one in the future after all this is over. 

Sorry you are going thru this mess.


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## Regga (Jan 22, 2013)

I'm not ready to "dump him." I like and love him. We jive well and have both made bad choices in our marriage. 
It's only been a year since his affair and I'm slowly moving forward. Just venting for a moment about the frustration of how all of this transpired (the affair, that is). 
I've heard there are great reconciliation stories that lead to fulfilling marriages. I'm just hoping that's my future...in regards to the "amazing."
I think my WH lied to me because my first WH cheated and I had said "cheating is my line." My gut says he didn't tell me about the sex because he was afraid I would leave.
It just sucks. I thrive on truth and my best friend lied...a lot. Coping with that is hard and feels yucky. But I'm a really compassionate person and am forgiving. Tired of starting over, too.


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## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

But he has maintained a significant lie at your expense.

That isn't a guy in reconciliation.

He never came clean. He is a liar. Liars lie. He will lie again.

Why do you want this bum?

The things about him that allowed him to cheat have not changed. You are foolish to do anything except come down hard and kick him to tge curb. Accepting this lie by accepting him in your life is a fatal decision. Fatal to you.

The OW cares more about you than he does.

Think about that.


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## Regga (Jan 22, 2013)

I've done the 180, more than once with him. It's effective. 
I know the affair is over and their EA built up to a one night PA. I've monitored things until I'm blue in the face. Did the car tracker thing and know he's on the bumpy (referring to the lying aspect of the incident)...yet right track. 
It's really dirty what he's done and lying makes it worse. But I'm not leaving because I don't want to. Clear, plain and simple: I'll leave when I want to and am ready to. It's not now. 
We both want good things for each other and both have agreed to work hard on our futures and to work on honesty. We both have lied about things and everyone lies about something! I won't just give up because I know he's going to lie again. I don't feel like I'm losing anything by staying, I'm hoping. 
I do appreciate your opinion though, Clipclop! Honestly!


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## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

One more obvious thing.

You seem to want to think his lying to keep you means he believes you are special. Did he cheat onyou because you are special, too? Or is everything he has done and is doing because he is selfish? 

He wants it all and getting what he wants is all that matters to him. So If you feel good because what he wants momentarily aligns with what you want you are likely going to be cheated on again. He will have no reason to believe that your need for him will not overwhelm your brain should it happen to realize you are being made into a fool by someone who uses either your love or your low self esteem against you.

You like him?

Seriously? 

What would you tell your daughter if this were her husband?


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## Regga (Jan 22, 2013)

Clipclop2, nothing I type will satisfy you. I get your points and understand where you're coming from. 
My background is not fully exposed and you don't know how the affair came to be. I'm smart and a big girl with goals in mind. 
Jeesh!


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## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

Then why are you here? 

I'll not waste another second on this. I'm going to put you on ignore. Good luck.


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## illwill (Feb 21, 2013)

Why shouldn't he cheat on you again when he knows you are going nowhere?

Consequences. You simply must have them. Or he will absolutely do this again.


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## hopefulgirl (Feb 12, 2013)

I think there would have to be some BIG time remorse on his part now for the "amazing" stuff to be possible. Have you got the book How to Help Your Spouse Heal From Your Affair By MacDonald? I bought it and highlighted parts I wanted my husband to pay particular attention to and then I gave it to him to read. It's been very helpful. I think it's hard to do this without a good MC as well.

I hope he really appreciates that you've given him a second chance after this false R - you've been working toward forgiveness without truly knowing what you would be forgiving him for. 

One of the things that he should be doing is apologizing, and he should be doing it sincerely and often. A lot of WS's don't know this, because they don't understand how deeply they've hurt us. Most of them don't really "get it." And when they do apologize, they often don't know how (the book helps them with that). Best of luck to you. This isn't going to be easy, but I think you know that!


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## thummper (Dec 19, 2013)

Regga said:


> Clipclop2, nothing I type will satisfy you. I get your points and understand where you're coming from.
> My background is *not fully exposed *and *you don't know how the affair came to be.* I'm smart and a big girl with goals in mind.
> Jeesh!


Then why don't you expose yourself (pardon the pun) and enlighten us so we'll have a clearer idea where you're coming from. I'm continually amazed by the number of people who post and then "blast" the advice they get because "we just don't get it." So exactly what goals do you have in mind? :scratchhead:


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## cool12 (Nov 17, 2013)

Regga said:


> I'm not ready to "dump him." I like and love him. We jive well and have both made bad choices in our marriage.
> It's only been a year since his affair and I'm slowly moving forward. Just venting for a moment about the frustration of how all of this transpired (the affair, that is).
> *I've heard there are great reconciliation stories that lead to fulfilling marriages. I*'m just hoping that's my future...in regards to the "amazing."
> I think my WH lied to me because my first WH cheated and I had said "*cheating is my line*." My gut says he didn't tell me about the sex because he was afraid I would leave.
> It just sucks. I thrive on truth and my best friend lied...a lot. Coping with that is hard and feels yucky. But I'm a really compassionate person and am forgiving. Tired of starting over, too.


these stories of R are based on complete transparency and demand outright honesty. your WH has lied to you. and not just a little lie but a big one, for over a year.

you seriously told him cheating was your line but he still cheated?


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## GROUNDPOUNDER (Mar 8, 2013)

Regga said:


> Clipclop2, nothing I type will satisfy you. I get your points and understand where you're coming from.
> *My background is not fully exposed and you don't know how the affair came to be.* I'm smart and a big girl with goals in mind.
> Jeesh!


I get the feeling that him and the OW were an RA...

Is your continued R, after finding out that it was a PA, a "free pass" then?...


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## Philat (Sep 12, 2013)

Regga said:


> I think my WH lied to me because my first WH cheated and I had said "cheating is my line."


You have to change this to "cheating and lying is my line." If the habit of lying to you extends to other areas of your marriage (finances, sex whatever), that's not good.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Why do people trickle truth? Various reasons.

A misguided attempt to protect the spouse. 

Shame. They suspect they are a cheating POS. If they have to give all the facts to their BS they'll then confirm to themselves that they really are a cheating POS.


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## wranglerman (May 12, 2013)

Trickle Truthes whilst supposedly in R are really not good signs.

How do you see the omission of it being a PA, even though brief?

Have you done any MC/IC?


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## Headspin (May 13, 2012)

You need a shake up - a serious one too



Regga said:


> I'm not ready to "dump him." I like and love him........
> I think my WH lied to me because ...........(yadda yadda yadda ) my first WH .......


I've put "yadda" there because it does not matter - his excuses they are irrelevant .In fact there are none there is no "because" You are 'enabling' here - YOU are the one finding the excuses _for him_ He must love you - I bet he does



Regga said:


> It just sucks. I thrive on truth and my best friend lied...a lot. Coping with that is hard and feels yucky. But I'm a really compassionate person and am forgiving. Tired of starting over, too.


No you do not thrive on truth you thrive on denial - if you did you'd nail his sorry ass to the highest wall - Repercussions - that's what he needs to understand a tenth of this



Regga said:


> I've done the 180, more than once with him. It's effective.
> I know the affair is over and their EA built up to a one night PA. I've monitored things until I'm blue in the face. Did the car tracker thing and know he's on the bumpy (referring to the lying aspect of the incident)...yet right track.
> It's really dirty what he's done and lying makes it worse. But I'm not leaving because I don't want to. Clear, plain and simple: I'll leave when I want to and am ready to. It's not now....


Why are you here? Because it's obvious you will get advice that tells you to squeeze his balls - HARD or how else will he know just what a **** he's been 



Regga said:


> We both want good things for each other and both have agreed to work hard on our futures and to work on honesty.


 Really - has he?



Regga said:


> We both have lied about things and everyone lies about something!


 Do they !? I don't think so - again you want to find 'reasons/justification' for his lying then hey ho fine



Regga said:


> I won't just give up because I know he's going to lie again.


 Then what are you going to do about it because if he has no consequences to his lying betrayal treachery he will obviously do that again .....and again.....and you KNOW he will


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

But cheating isn't your line because he crossed it and you're still there. Therefore your credibility has been damaged. Do what you want but in the future don't set boundaries you aren't willing to enforce, or nobody will take you seriously.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Philat (Sep 12, 2013)

lifeistooshort said:


> But cheating isn't your line because he crossed it and you're still there. Therefore your credibility has been damaged. Do what you want but in the future don't set boundaries you aren't willing to enforce, or nobody will take you seriously.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:iagree::iagree::iagree:


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## hopefulgirl (Feb 12, 2013)

Regga said:


> We both want good things for each other and both have agreed to work hard on our futures and to work on honesty. We both have lied about things and everyone lies about something!


I think this is significant because it looks like on both sides there have not been high standards in the past when it comes to being honest. It's harder for the OP to come down hard on him when she admits she hasn't been the poster child for placing a high value on telling the truth at all times, possibly even to her husband. 

But with crisis comes opportunity. Many people think a PA will cause them to file for divorce on the spot, and then it happens to them - the crisis instead makes them think about a lot of things, and while divorce is certainly one option, it's not the only one. In this case, it sounds like there may a chance for both of them to redefine what it means to be a married couple, what it means to be truly intimate, and what it means to be open and honest with your partner in life. It's a gamble, especially after he tried to keep the PA part from her. But that's not unheard of, and even some counselors (not good ones) advise that kind of withholding of information, so if Regga chooses to accept her WS's justification, that's her choice. 

There does need to be a lot of HARD work, though, because he needs to get how serious this is. He needs to own this, and show a lot of remorse, or else there is a very high risk of it happening again. I doubt it can be done without MC. Most couples don't know how to do this work on their own.


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

People trickle truth because they are afraid. They protect themselves from whatever they are afraid of by not telling the truth. What they fear can vary. BS's like to think it's because the WS is afraid that the BS will leave. Often it's not this at all. Often it is fear of exposure of bad character to the outside world or to children. Sometimes it's a reflexive protection of self-image - who wants to say out loud that (s)he is a dbag?

I think you are talking yourself into several things here that help you to the outcome that you want in your heart. Among these things is the idea that he trickle-truthed because he didn't want you to leave him. Well, now he knows you won't leave if he sleeps with another woman, so the chances that he will repeat the infidelity have gone up. I bet that if he does it again, though, that he will trickle truth as well.


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## Allen_A (Nov 18, 2013)

Trickle truth is a logical progression from infidelity.

Can you honestly expect a cheater, who lies left and right for however long to suddendly do a 180 and tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing BUT the truth?

Trickle truth is a natural progression.

I am not advocating it, I am just saying it's ridiculous to expect a liar to suddenly tell the full truth and only the truth.

Honesty comes from maturity and integrity. And those qualities are grown and cultivated over time, not turned on like a light bulb.

It's a common dilemma. You have a known liar and cheat in your home, and you demand they make a full about face overnight after DDay.

Most aren't gonna be able to pull that off. It's perfectly understandable.

Last question Regga.. is that a racoon? lol


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## Miss Taken (Aug 18, 2012)

We want the WS to feel instant remorse, to offer full transparency on their own, to write no contact letters right away, expose themselves to friends and family that are privy to the relationship, apologize over and over, eat the sh!t sandwiches without a fight or being defensive, attend IC and MC, and be 100% honest about everything from DDay onward.

However, an affair is an illegitimate situation. While some WS's may be perfect in all that they do to atone for an affair and repair the relationship; it is unrealistic to think that all will be and that there is only one legitimate course for a reconciliation to go and that having the steps followed precisely to a "T", in a certain order guarantees a healed marriage. 

If you want to give your husband another chance despite his trickle-truth, I am not going to judge. Trust your gut but don't allow yourself to be fooled.


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## Allen_A (Nov 18, 2013)

Miss Taken said:


> We want the WS to feel instant remorse, to offer full transparency on their own, to write no contact letters right away, expose themselves to friends and family that are privy to the relationship, apologize over and over, eat the sh!t sandwiches without a fight or being defensive, attend IC and MC, and be 100% honest about everything from DDay onward.
> 
> However, an affair is an illegitimate situation. While some WS's may be perfect in all that they do to atone for an affair and repair the relationship; it is unrealistic to think that all will be and that


AMEN!!!

:iagree:


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## Regga (Jan 22, 2013)

History in a nutshell: My WH and I had our lives flip on us. Within a matter of a year, we got married, my step-son's mother died, we bought a house, we had a baby and days later he started a new job (completely different field), I quit my job, I started an in-home daycare (CRAZY!!!), he worked long hours, I was stuck with the kids, we went into SERIOUS debt, blah blah blah. We resented each other and found other people to listen to us. I had an EA and he had an EA and a full-blown PA. We had a reality check when my daughter was diagnosed with Poland Syndrome and realized we were both selfish and not focusing on nurturing each other in our marriage.
I completely understand where people are coming from when they tell me I should just leave. I read other's posts and want to go to battle for them to kick their WS's butt. 
Do I think my husband may have another affair, sure! Especially if I allow what happened before to happen again. Do I think I would have another affair, yup...if I don't get the attention I want, I could see me doing it. There are many things I know can happen. But for me, it depends on the work you are willing to put into something. I am willing to work on my marriage because I like who I am when I'm happy with my husband. 
I do appreciate other's opinions and am looking for support, not advice really. I don't want a quick fix to end my relationship. 
I'm not giving him a free pass. It's been hell in my home for the last year. But I'm refusing to give up because I want this: an amazing marriage with a person I truly enjoy.
He's not all bad and he doesn't always lie. I'm not all good and I don't always tell the truth. Vice-a-Versa. 
This is my choice. I'm not advocating for cheaters. I'm advocating for a healthy marriage.
And the animal in the picture is not a raccoon. LOL! It's a monkey in Bali, Indonesia. Went there for our wedding/honeymoon and it just jumped on me. He liked my earrings!


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## thummper (Dec 19, 2013)

Wow! If that is indeed you in that picture, I can't for the life of me understand why in the world he'd chase any other woman.
Lucky guy!


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## Allen_A (Nov 18, 2013)

thummper said:


> Wow! If that is indeed you in that picture, I can't for the life of me understand why in the world he'd chase any other woman.
> Lucky guy!


:iagree:

Ya, I can see the monkey now. I didn't have my glasses on and the photo is very small.

Hilarious!


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## Allen_A (Nov 18, 2013)

My concern isn't what he has done to sabotage your household.

My concern is primarily what he's doing now to protect your household.

The patterns he's showing aren't good ones for favorable marital repair.

I don't advocate divorce either, but this guy needs to seriously change his strategy.

You need to assess his strategy daily and ensure it's heading in the same direction you are.

It does not sound like this is the case at the moment.

All you can do is insist on full transparency to give you a sense of safety and control over your home right now.

Then watch his behavior. Ignore any words he has to say, men will tell you what you want to hear. We are really good at saying one thing and doing another.

Just insist on full transparency, and watch what he does with it.


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## wranglerman (May 12, 2013)

You guys really need MC to help with this!

I can read from your story that you are both a little blazé about your lives/marriage. I can also see from it that you BOTH looked outside the marriage to meet your individual personal needs, yours being the EA and his being an EA/PA, I condone neither!

I know life can get in the way but what had changed in your relationship that allowed the drifting apart? Were you taking eachother for granted? Was it a case of feeling neglected on each side? It shows poor boundaries on both sides when you both confess to cheating within the marriage.


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## GROUNDPOUNDER (Mar 8, 2013)

I seems to me that you want your marriage more than your husband(right now anyway). He knows it, because you show it.

His story about the text message doesn't hold water. There's a chance he may have just been fishing, but I doubt that. The "short 'n' sweet" text makes me think that he's been in contact with her for a while, i.e. the old, or a new EA(at least).

You can demand(and get) passwords, accounts, etc. but in the end, he will be the one that decides if he's going to stay faithful in the future.

If he just ends up going through the motions and doesn't want to do what needs to be done to work this out, you're in for more heartache. All the wishful thinking in the world won't change that.

You need to find out if he "really" wants to be in this marriage. Just you and him, no one else. You can't be afraid to end it if he strays again. Otherwise, you'll be reliving this over and over and over again.


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## happi_g_more2 (Jan 27, 2014)

illwill said:


> Why shouldn't he cheat on you again when he knows you are going nowhere?
> 
> Consequences. You simply must have them. Or he will absolutely do this again.


This. It will happen again. Do you have any sexual desires that he doesn't fulfill? It sounds like maybe you guys should discuss an open marriage.


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

Regga said:


> It has been a minute! I'm sorry, but I got depressed continually reading the accounts of others experiencing...cheating. I had to leave for a while. And now I'm returning because my coping skills are lacking.
> I waited a year after I discovered my WH's PA to call the OW. He said he did not have sex...well, he did. I guess I knew, somewhere in my gut, two adults in a hotel room getting frisky does not stop at kissing. I called her, the OW, after a year because I figured she would have had enough time to "think." She apparently thought and thought and thought over that year and I think she was sincere when she apologized, which I didn't ask for. I just called, told her who I was and she started blabbing through tears. But, she did not know I was "oblivious" to them having sex.
> I am not really mad about the reason my WH lied about the sex, I am just mad at myself.
> I am going to trust my instincts about things that feel or sound wrong with my husband. I've always been right in the past.
> ...


Regga, if you reread your post and understand what you wrote I would like to ask a question or two.

If your work is to get the truth and your husband knows it and you have to contantly seek the truth (apparently you feel you don't have it) then what is the motive for staying in the M?

I found out about my wife's last A in late 2011. She TT me and lied. She said the A ended and it didn't. My last D-day was in Feb 2013. I understand why someone stays. I finally got the truth. My wife repented and came completely clean in late April 2013. In one sense it was worth the wait and agony. I do mean agony. I knew part of the truth and she kept lying about it and I felt like a fool but I never stopped getting it.

I would say if I had to do it all over again knowing what I know now I would have ended the M in 2010 when she had her very sexual EA. I was adviced by friends then to end the M. My IC told me my wife would do it again and if the guy was local it would be a PA. And my IC was obsolutely correct, she hooked up with a new guy online, started an EA that went PA. So my wife was really out of the M from early 2010 till about April of 2013.

If your husband is still not telling you the truth, is TTing you, I would have to say your M will not be amazing. It can't be as long as he lies, no matter what other things he does that are positive.

What will happen if you discover a new A, or he starts another one a year down the road? 

I guess the main question is how much are you willing to put up with and what is your motivation for staying in this M?


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## Headspin (May 13, 2012)

Regga said:


> History in a nutshell: My WH and I had our lives flip on us. Within a matter of a year, we got married, my step-son's mother died, we bought a house, we had a baby and days later he started a new job (completely different field), I quit my job, I started an in-home daycare (CRAZY!!!), he worked long hours, I was stuck with the kids, we went into SERIOUS debt, blah blah blah. We resented each other and found other people to listen to us. I had an EA and he had an EA and a full-blown PA. We had a reality check when my daughter was diagnosed with Poland Syndrome and realized we were both selfish and not focusing on nurturing each other in our marriage.
> I completely understand where people are coming from when they tell me I should just leave. I read other's posts and want to go to battle for them to kick their WS's butt.
> Do I think my husband may have another affair, sure! Especially if I allow what happened before to happen again.





Regga said:


> Do I think I would have another affair, yup...if I don't get the attention I want, I could see me doing it.


:scratchhead: Sheesh



Regga said:


> There are many things I know can happen. But for me, it depends on the work you are willing to put into something. I am willing to work on my marriage because I like who I am when I'm happy with my husband.
> I do appreciate other's opinions and am looking for support, not advice really. I don't want a quick fix to end my relationship.
> I'm not giving him a free pass. It's been hell in my home for the last year. But I'm refusing to give up because I want this: an amazing marriage with a person I truly enjoy.
> He's not all bad and he doesn't always lie. I'm not all good and I don't always tell the truth. Vice-a-Versa.
> ...


You're unusual I'll say. I think you both suffer from low expectations and have sadly had to live through what that brings

I think you both have low boundaries and think that is the norm the usual

It is'nt and it should never be 

If you showed this line to your husband right now


Regga said:


> Do I think I would have another affair, yup...if I don't get the attention I want, I could see me doing it.


 imo he'd have enough, just in that, to walk right out of your door and never look back, but you say that as easy as flippantly as if you're making a cup of tea

I'll wish you good luck because with both your attitudes your mind sets 

...you'll need it


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## doubletrouble (Apr 23, 2013)

This has been used before, but with the title of the thread I thought it was appropriate to post here:


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## DarkHoly (Dec 18, 2012)

Regga said:


> Clipclop2, nothing I type will satisfy you. I get your points and understand where you're coming from.
> My background is not fully exposed and *you don't know how the affair came to be.* I'm smart and a big girl with goals in mind.
> Jeesh!


Oh I think we can pick up a few crumbs.



Regga said:


> We both have lied about things and everyone lies about something! I won't just give up because I know he's going to lie again.


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## DarkHoly (Dec 18, 2012)

Regga said:


> History in a nutshell: My WH and I had our lives flip on us. Within a matter of a year, we got married, my step-son's mother died, we bought a house, we had a baby and days later he started a new job (completely different field), I quit my job, I started an in-home daycare (CRAZY!!!), he worked long hours, I was stuck with the kids, we went into SERIOUS debt, blah blah blah. We resented each other and found other people to listen to us. *I had an EA and he had an EA and a full-blown PA.* We had a reality check when my daughter was diagnosed with Poland Syndrome and realized we were both selfish and not focusing on nurturing each other in our marriage.
> I completely understand where people are coming from when they tell me I should just leave. I read other's posts and want to go to battle for them to kick their WS's butt.
> Do I think my husband may have another affair, sure! Especially if I allow what happened before to happen again. Do I think I would have another affair, yup...if I don't get the attention I want, I could see me doing it. There are many things I know can happen. But for me, it depends on the work you are willing to put into something. I am willing to work on my marriage because I like who I am when I'm happy with my husband.
> I do appreciate other's opinions and am looking for support, not advice really. I don't want a quick fix to end my relationship.
> ...


I knew it.

Funny that you named this thread "Trickle Truth" because it seems to me that you're doing exactly that. 

I'm not trying to be mean but I think your husband should have left you when you had your affair. You poisoned your marriage first, and instead of putting it down like the misbegotten facade it was, he piled on with his own affair. 

Your philosophy on Marriage, lying, cheating and accepting all of it is pretty contrived and inverted- You're looking at a huge cave and trying to do an eye trick where it appears to actually be convex.


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