# Reconciliation or MLC fog



## ala99

i decided to move my story to this thread to try to get a different perspective on what i am going through.

Bomb dropped in mid-march, moved out at the end of April. Said she needed to find herself, discover who she really is, go back to painting, listening to music, travel to third world countries, get back in shape, not interested in family life anymore, want's to change job, felt unloved, alone and felt like she was dying, constant headaches, gastric problems, muscle tensions .... 

.. For the last couple of years she was getting more and more distant to me and the family and angry at eveerybody, going out with friends, going to work, school and not take care of her responsabilities at home. From everything i have been reading, she is having a midlife crisis and their is not much i can do about it. I started doing a 180 and then everything changed?

She would always call me for stupid reasons, show up at my place and spend time with me. I was puzzled by her behaviour. She was very physical and kept touching me when we would meet.

We have been hanging out alot latelly and she says that she really likes the activites that we schedule together. It started with an hour at a coffee shop and now we can spend almost 6 hours together. We have told each other, multiple times, that it is very hard when we have to leave each other after a "date".

The last two weeks have been even stranger, i felt like she wanted to be intimate with me and i was right. We are now kissing, cuddling and even having sex, just like a new couple who is in love. But there is a couple of problems to this situation: We have kids and this as to be done all in secret. The other thing, i can not talk about "love", "getting back together" or anything about the "future". She teels me that it puts pressure on her so i have stopped asking. But now what? Is this a reconciliation or is she in the MLC fog?

The only answer i got so far is: you are not the problem, our family life was  She wanted the kids, the house, the family life and now she does not want it anymore, it did not make her happy:scratchhead:

We also both agreed that getting back together too soon would not work and that nothing would have changed. 

Any advice on how i should proceed?


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## ala99

Some more info:

Last friday was one of our D birthday party and i invited her over (she was bringing the cake anyway). She came to my house at around 4:00pm, i cooked diner for the kids, my daughters friends and us. We talked and enjoyed ourselfs at the party. She then made the dishes, served me a coffee and asked if we could watch a movie together. She left at 10:00pm that night, but we can not be too close together because she is afraid that the kids will discover our secret. She does not want the kids to have false hope about us getting back together.

:scratchhead::scratchhead::scratchhead::scratchhead::scratchhead::scratchhead:


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## angstire

I'll mirror what others have said to me. Back up, stick to the 180 and observe. Right now, she's testing how far she can push you and make you dance. 

She doesn't want commitment or the family life, what does she want? 

I've been advised about my stbxw and will advise you the same thing, if she comes back talking R, ask "why, what's changed?". 

Right now, she's seeing how far she can push you, testing you out as a plan B. From what you described, she's in the driver's seat. She wanted to leave, let her go. If she wants back in and can answer "why?", she needs to be committed to admitting her part and doing her work, same as you. 

Right now, it's on her terms and you're not observing the 180.

My $.02.


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