# Wives Are Raw Material?



## geo1981 (Apr 18, 2013)

In an earlier post on this site, I quoted "A good wife is the gift of a good God, and the workmanship of a good husband."—Proverb.

Today I remembered watching Myles Munroe on TV when he said, as a man, when you marry, God don't give you a wife as a finished product, rather He gives you a wife as a raw material, it is your job to mold or turn her into anything you wish.

This seems to correspond with the earlier quote. As a man, just as you have influence over your children, you have influence over you wife. You can mold her character, and her attitude. It is not easy, but it can be done. 

Hey, fellow men, your wife or girlfriend is not perfect, you are not either. Personally, I think we men are more flawed then the women. 

Guys be honest. Ladies what do you think?


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## geo1981 (Apr 18, 2013)

Do you ladies agree that men are more flawed?


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

No one is ever going to attempt to "mold" me into someone they want me to be. That is ridiculous! 

I'm a woman, not a servant.


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

> Originally Posted by geo1981
> Ladies what do you think?


 *Brought to you by the same people who also gave you:*

Ephesians 6:5 "Slaves, obey your earthly masters with fear and trembling, with a sincere heart, as you would Christ..."

Galatians 5:1 "For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery."

Colossians 4:1 "Masters, treat your slaves justly and fairly, knowing that you also have a Master in heaven."

Exodus 21:16 “Whoever steals a man and sells him, and anyone found in possession of him, shall be put to death."


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## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

I understand what you are trying to say but that pitch was high and outside.

Allow me to give a different perspective. In a perfect world we are all raw material and each can be molded to the needs of the other. We have been together for 38 years and have learned to absorb and incorporate each others strong points and for the most part shed the bad. It is difficult but attainable. Its a very delicate high wire act.

Another scripture comes to mind but I can't remember where from. Basically it says: 
Submit yourselves one to the other. So if your point is intended to be biblical, think on this.


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

Honest?

If I was honest I'd get banned.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

geo1981 said:


> In an earlier post on this site, I quoted "A good wife is the gift of a good God, and the workmanship of a good husband."—Proverb.
> 
> Today I remembered watching Myles Munroe on TV when he said, as a man, when you marry, God don't give you a wife as a finished product, rather He gives you a wife as a raw material, it is your job to mold or turn her into anything you wish.
> 
> ...


Incredibly naive.

But indeed when one enters into marriage when they are young they very much are in a raw state. The couple needs to bond. They need to transition out of single behaviors and thought patterns. Typically they are in a state of romantic / sexual bliss. This IS a raw state. The couple must bond so when this raw state starts to wear off with the realities of life the marriage does not implode.

I see only goodness in viewing your life with your spouse as a gift. I do. One does not have to be religious to feel this way.

What you will find on this forum is that any reference to religion will carry so much baggage that even when you have a good point it will not be seen by many. I get that. Of course some folks will post religious comments just to get a reaction.


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

:rofl:


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

geo1981 said:


> This seems to correspond with the earlier quote. As a man, just as you have influence over your children, you have influence over you wife. You can mold her character, and her attitude. It is not easy, but it can be done.


A person's character is moulded long before they're old enough to get married - or should be. Whilst I believe every human being should be a work in progress, from cradle to grave, we should never give someone else the pen to write our own journey.

Relationships can certainly help us to _grow_ as individuals, but no one should ever go into a marriage thinking that they can change someone's basic character.

Nobody's perfect, male or female, and I think we're equally flawed.


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

> Entropy3000:
> any reference to religion will carry so much baggage that even when you have a good point it will not be seen by many


*True of many people here.*

**MY** objections are two-fold:

My first post shows you can support ANYTHING with Biblical reference...even diametrically opposed points of view. Makes it pretty worthless AS the definitive expert on any given subject.


The idea that men are to 'lead' women MERELY BECAUSE they possess a penis and testicles is ludicrous. PERHAPS it was true in the OLD DAYS when women were sheltered from MOST of life. But nowadays, it is EVERY BIT as likely that any given woman will have
as much native intelligence as her husband (maybe more)
as much formal education as her husband (maybe more)
as much savvy/street smarts as her husband
as much experience with finances as her husband
as good people skills as her husband (maybe better)
...so *what* would qualify a man to "mold" his wife? 

Again, the ONLY THING he has that she doesn't is a penis and testicles...so unless he's trying to MOLD HER into a pregnant woman, I'm not seeing them as so much help in the Living In The Modern World department.


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## johnnycomelately (Oct 30, 2010)

SlowlyGettingWiser said:


> Again, the ONLY THING he has that she doesn't is a penis and testicles


And hopefully chest hair.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

SlowlyGettingWiser said:


> *True of many people here.*
> 
> **MY** objections are two-fold:
> 
> ...


And you chose to view this in that way and that is fine.

I am saying that a young single couple does need to grow together. Theat the husband does need to help guid his wife and that the wife needs to guide her husband. This is part of bonding. It is philosophical. You either believe that together a couple can be more than when they are separate or not. I can assure you that my wife and I have benefited by each other. 

because I have a penis and testicles and a man's brain I can indeed influenece my wife in many ways to helo her be a better wife to me. Likewise because my wife has a set of ovaries and so on and a female brain she can help me becomes a better husband.

So you either can see that a man brings certain things to the table that a woman does not and vice versa or not. Men and women can be equal in many ways as you say and still not be the same. YMMV.

Now in reality two different people are NOT equally capable in every way. This is beyond male and female. Now the net balance may be pretty close to being equal, but tske any of your parameters ... and a bunch more if you would like. Different people bring different things to the table. My wife and I take the lead on different aspects of our life together. We do the POJA thing on major decisions. However some areas are mine to lead for various reasons. She has her areas. I do play the male role.

I get your point. I am just making my own. I think we help mold each other.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

johnnycomelately said:


> And hopefully chest hair.


And a male brain immersed in testosterone because he has testicles. He cannot have a baby but he can possibly lift the rear end of the car off the ground. 

She is likely a bit more multitasking and he may be a bit more focused on tasks and phases.

One or the other may take on more or less aspects of the male / female gender roles. These do exist. You can see them even in most same sex relationships.


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

I agree with you 100%, Entropy3000!

I think the wording of the ORIGINAL POST by geo1981 is meant to inflame JUST BECAUSE it is so decidedly one-sided and, taken as it is written with NO reference to women molding husbands, it is both inane and inflammatory.

...just ANOTHER "alpha" thread, but with a religious twist.


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## Shadow_Nirvana (Jan 1, 2013)

SlowlyGettingWiser said:


> I agree with you 100%, Entropy3000!
> 
> I think the wording of the ORIGINAL POST by geo1981 is meant to inflame JUST BECAUSE it is so decidedly one-sided and, taken as it is written with NO reference to women molding husbands, it is both inane and inflammatory.
> 
> .


But I don't get this, he/she never said anything about men not being molded by their wives. Just because he didnt say, doesn't mean he thinks like that.

We influence others with our actions, let's be clear about that. In a relationship, every action or even inaction is met with reaction(not retaliation, mind you) and in time patterns evolve. Hell, we can even say we train each other to do things and respond in a specific way. Glossing over that fact and saying "Hey, you have no power over me" is either a lie and if it is true, it is missing out on the journey that is the relationship.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

SlowlyGettingWiser said:


> I agree with you 100%, Entropy3000!
> 
> I think the wording of the ORIGINAL POST by geo1981 is meant to inflame JUST BECAUSE it is so decidedly one-sided and, taken as it is written with NO reference to women molding husbands, it is both inane and inflammatory.
> 
> ...just ANOTHER "alpha" thread, but with a religious twist.


We can only speculate on their intent. But it does beg for that speculation. The old let me lob this grenade and see what the TAM folks will do with it ... pehraps. But then again we both know there are folks that do think in those terms.


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## Blonde (Jan 7, 2013)

geo1981 said:


> In an earlier post on this site, I quoted "A good wife is the gift of a good God, and the workmanship of a good husband."—Proverb.


^^^Source: Fireside Readings for Happy Homes published 1882

not the Bible

Bible: 

Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value. 
-Prov 31:11

In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. 
He who loves his wife loves himself. 
After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church -Eph 5:28-29​


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## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

If by mold in your wife you mean washing her daily in the word and helping her to conform to the image of Christ so that you can present her to Christ in a better condition than that which you met her then I agree husbands can and should mold their wives.


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

geo1981 said:


> Personally, I think we men are more flawed then the women.
> 
> Guys be honest. Ladies what do you think?


There is nothing in either tradition, or Scripture, that suggests that women are the superior sex. Why would you think that men are inferior to women?


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## geo1981 (Apr 18, 2013)

I had to reply. 

From the reply I got from my last post, it seems I have been misunderstood. When I said husbands can mold their wives, it's actually vice versa, parents can influence their children, and their can influence each other.

If one partner has a drinking problem for instance, the other, be it the man or the woman can influence change in the other partner. I know it's easier said, but it can be done.

Personally, I am the quiet type, there are characters that I exhibition, that I got from friends. When you move around with friends or live with a partner, after a while, their personality starts to rub off on you, whether good or bad.

I mean, who among us we allow our children to move around with drug users?, It' would be a matter of time, they too will start to use drug. 

A man can influence a woman to change, and a woman can influence a man to change, it could either be for the good or for the bad.

I hope I have been able to explain myself out of this one. Do you still disagree?


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

> A man can influence a woman to change, and a woman can influence a man to change, it could either be for the good or for the bad.
> 
> I hope I have been able to explain myself out of this one. Do you still disagree?


Nope, can't disagree with that! Many things are possible!


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

Taking all religion and alpha out of this...

I don't think one person molds the other. I think both parties begin to conform to the other in an attempt to merge views, ideals, etc. as part of the 'two become one' philosophy. 

A married couple might have some different views on things but then may open up to the possibility of amending those views and gradually meeting in the middle because their experiences are now similar. As individuals prior to marriage our views on things are based on how we are reared coupled with our primary experiences. A married couple will begin to share most of their primary experiences and therefor over time naturally be shaped by those; not one person shaping the other.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

Well my wife _has_ helped mould me into the man I am today in many ways.
I do believe that she feels the same way about my effect on her.

I'm sure that many here can testify and say without a doubt that having kids helped change , mould and shape their personal character.

We are all moulded whether we want to or not by external stimuli.
Our environment tends mould [ changes] us.

If your wife or your husband has absolute no effect on your character,
then something must be terribly wrong.

Just saying....


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

Caribbean Man said:


> Well my wife _has_ helped mould me into the man I am today in many ways.
> I do believe that she feels the same way about my effect on her.
> 
> I'm sure that many here can testify and say without a doubt that having kids helped change , mould and shape their personal character.
> ...


:iagree:

I've given this some more thought, and I've looked at the ways in which my SO and I have changed in the 3 years we've been together. As far as I'm concerned, he was pretty 'perfect' when I met him, but we have certainly impacted on one another's lives... 

Friends and relatives have noticed many positive changes in him, such taking better care of his health (diet and exercise) and taking more of an interest in his clothes and appearance (he was always smart, but a tad geeky!). He's also more in touch with his emotions than he was when we first met - more empathic and insightful.

For my part, he's taught me that's it's safe to be vulnerable and less in control, and I believe I'm a better person because of it. 

Perhaps being with the right person refines us in some way. Shaping us and encouraging us to grow and make the very best of ourselves as human beings.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Dollystanford said:


> :rofl:


My thoughts exactly.


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