# To expose or not expose?



## Jule99 (Jun 7, 2013)

So, if you know a married person who has been texting another married person and saying that they fancy them etc, do you tell the person's spouse?
Your gut reaction is to think yes, expose them, but what about the hurt and horror you will then inflict on that spouse, when it may never turn into an affair? Do you have the right to get involved in another person's marriage/relationship?
:scratchhead::scratchhead:


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## Philat (Sep 12, 2013)

Under what circumstances do you know about this texting?


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## Jule99 (Jun 7, 2013)

It happened to me, by a person who was a family friend. I do not his wife well, but I do feel guilt that she is unaware of her Hs behaviour. But, would telling her just be for my own benefit?
Lots of people on here think you should expose this sort of thing, but I wonder if it would really do more harm than good?


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## Philat (Sep 12, 2013)

What I meant to ask was, how did you find out about this texting?


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## Clay2013 (Oct 30, 2013)

If you have these texts from him. I would share them with his wife. The is nothing wrong with being honest and decent.

Clay


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## Philat (Sep 12, 2013)

Clay2013 said:


> If you have these texts from him. I would share them with his wife. The is nothing wrong with being honest and decent.
> 
> Clay


Ah, I see. Duh. You were the recipient. Did you respond to the sender in any way?


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## Jule99 (Jun 7, 2013)

I don't want this to be about my story as such, it was a while ago, but my H read them (I never hid any texts from him), so it all blew up with my H threatening to tell his wife. The bloke went crazy at both of us and said that basically we were both out of order and he would report us to police for such threats, and I have not spoken to him since.
The point is, I was stupid and wrong to allow myself to be in the position for this to happen, and have concentrated on making sure my marriage is strong since. However, I can't loose this feeling of guilt that his innocent wife knew nothing about him sending texts to me telling me he 'fancied the pants off me'.
My close friends tell me it wouldn't help telling her, as he is sure to just wriggle out of it and she would probably attack me for trying to cause trouble in her marriage. 
This is the question, in general (my story aside), is the right thing to do?


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

Jule99 said:


> I don't want this to be about my story as such, it was a while ago, but my H read them (I never hid any texts from him), so it all blew up with my H threatening to tell his wife. The bloke went crazy at both of us and said that basically we were both out of order and he would report us to police for such threats, and I have not spoken to him since.
> The point is, I was stupid and wrong to allow myself to be in the position for this to happen, and have concentrated on making sure my marriage is strong since. However, I can't loose this feeling of guilt that his innocent wife knew nothing about him sending texts to me telling me he 'fancied the pants off me'.
> My close friends tell me it wouldn't help telling her, as he is sure to just wriggle out of it and she would probably attack me for trying to cause trouble in her marriage.
> This is the question, in general (my story aside), is the right thing to do?



Think of it this way.

Basically what that man did was " gaslight " you when he was confronted by your H.

How many other women do you think he's texting telling them how he fancies them?

How many more marriages do you think he's caused pain because of his asinine , selfish behavior?

If I was in your position, based on what he tried to do to you, I would DEFINITELY tell his wife.

His actions almost destabilized your marriage, justice demands that he should be made to pay for his actions.

The only way to do that is to tell his wife, and show her the texts.


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## Philat (Sep 12, 2013)

OK, I think we have the salient facts now. Jule, it sounds like (although you are skirting the question) you and the OM were engaging in some kind of consensual flirtatious exchange when he crossed the line. If this is true it would seem a bit hypocritical of *you* to inform his W since you were to some extent a party to this (at least, this is what I gather from your statement that you put yourself in a position for this to happen).

On the other hand, I think it is not only OK but advisable for your H to inform the OMW. The OM sounds full of bluster, but he does not have a leg to stand on as long as the offending texts still exist as evidence.


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## Jule99 (Jun 7, 2013)

I guess as I know that I made some very bad decisions at the time, I feel as though I don't have the moral high-ground. I just know that if it was my husband doing the same, I would want to know.
Is it always the best thing to do, clear-cut, always?


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## Theseus (Feb 22, 2013)

Jule99 said:


> So, if you know a married person who has been texting another married person and saying that they fancy them etc, do you tell the person's spouse?



If it was a friend, I guess I would probably send the person's spouse an anonymous note or email letting them know. That way, I wouldn't get any blowback myself.

If the person was a stranger or a passing acquaintance then I don't think I would do anything. For all I know, the couples involved could be swingers or have an open marriage.


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## Jule99 (Jun 7, 2013)

Philat said:


> OK, I think we have the salient facts now. Jule, it sounds like (although you are skirting the question) you and the OM were engaging in some kind of consensual flirtatious exchange when he crossed the line. If this is true it would seem a bit hypocritical of *you* to inform his W since you were to some extent a party to this (at least, this is what I gather from your statement that you put yourself in a position for this to happen).
> 
> On the other hand, I think it is not only OK but advisable for your H to inform the OMW. The OM sounds full of bluster, but he does not have a leg to stand on as long as the offending texts still exist as evidence.


I am not skirting the question, I just didn't want this to be the whole story raked over again, as it was general question as I have been reading people on here saying they think you should always tell.
By putting myself in a position, I mean exchanging texts, which was because my son was doing work experience with him. We had known him for over 20 years so I considered him a friend. I since realise he was never a friend, and that I should not have cared about him as one. I never sent any flirty texts to him - my H has seen every single text from him.


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## Philat (Sep 12, 2013)

Jule99 said:


> I am not skirting the question, I just didn't want this to be the whole story raked over again, as it was general question as I have been reading people on here saying they think you should always tell.
> By putting myself in a position, I mean exchanging texts, which was because my son was doing work experience with him. We had known him for over 20 years so I considered him a friend. I since realise he was never a friend, and that I should not have cared about him as one. I never sent any flirty texts to him - my H has seen every single text from him.


In that case I say bombs away to his W, from both of you.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

Jule99 said:


> . We had known him for over 20 years so I considered him a friend. I since realise he was never a friend, and that I should not have cared about him as one. I never sent any flirty texts to him - my H has seen every single text from him.


Well clearly, he has broken the trust both you and your husband had in him and abuse his privilege because your son worked with him.

I don't see why you feel guilty.

Just tell his wife and let the chips fall. You have nothing to hide and your husband knows everything.


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## Jule99 (Jun 7, 2013)

My husband knows everything. I now realise I should not have got into texting back and forth with him, even though my texts were never flirty in any way. My mobile account is in my husbands name, and he can see on-line every text or call I make each month.
I learnt from this that I need to make my boundaries even tighter than before, as texting another man was asking for trouble, even if it was someone who I trusted and respected. I will not be making that mistake again.


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## The Middleman (Apr 30, 2012)

Jule99 said:


> So, if you know a married person who has been texting another married person and saying that they fancy them etc, do you tell the person's spouse?
> 
> Your gut reaction is to think yes, expose them, but what about the hurt and horror you will then inflict on that spouse, when it may never turn into an affair? Do you have the right to get involved in another person's marriage/relationship?
> 
> :scratchhead::scratchhead:



If someone knew my wife was texting another guy and didn't tell me .... I'd be pretty upset with them.


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## Jule99 (Jun 7, 2013)

I wonder though, if some people's relationships are based on different values, and it may not do any good in telling her. He must have done it before, as he was so good at jumping out of the way when confronted by my H, and turning it round into himself being the victim. One of the things I respected about him was the way he always seemed to be thinking about his wife, but I now think he was just trying to get me on side, for me to lower my barriers so he could make his move.
I will have to give this some serious thought, but it's been interesting seeing what other people think about the whole exposing thing.


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## harrybrown (May 22, 2013)

Please let his wife know and send her copies of the texts.

Like you said, if your H was doing this, you would want to know.


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## Jule99 (Jun 7, 2013)

Yes, I take your point. If my H was texting a family friend, and he didn't hide the fact from me, then I wouldn't be worried. If he was texting that he fancied her, then I would most certainly want to know!


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## violet37 (Apr 8, 2014)

IMO, based on everything you have said, I would not go to his wife at this point. I know it seems like you should tell, seeing as he was being such a putz and all, but If no more went on than you described, it could cause more trouble than it's worth. (do you want to be the one that starts a divorce based on flirtatious texting?) 

The thing is, you don't really know the relationship they have, you don't know if he's actually a cheater or was just doing a little flirting (that he was wrong in doing) and would have cut and run if faced with a potential encounter. You don't know if she does the same thing.

what I would do if I was actually concerned for the wife, is I would let that man know that I had saved and printed copies of his texts, and that I would promptly show them to his wife if he, 1) ever texts you that crap again, and 2) you ever hear that he does this to anyone else. It wouldn't hurt if your husband was the one to tell him this either. Being confronted by your husband would likely scare the pants off him, unless he and his wife have an open marriage.


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## Jule99 (Jun 7, 2013)

Violet, what you say makes sense as well - see how confusing it is to decide what is the right thing to do?
I wonder if telling her is just something that would make me feel better, to get back at him and that is not the right thing to do.
My husband did confront him with the texts that he forwarded to his own phone (not face-to-face, he did try, but could not find him) and the bloke just said 'it's just chatting by text, I have done nothing wrong, I will go the police'. So he knows both myself and H have texts as evidence.
I still don't know, in any situation, if you should, or have the right, to get involved in anyone else's relationship?


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## Jule99 (Jun 7, 2013)

Oh, and he could never text me that again, as I have blocked his number, blocked him on Facebook etc.


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## Philat (Sep 12, 2013)

Jule99 said:


> Violet, what you say makes sense as well - see how confusing it is to decide what is the right thing to do?
> I wonder if telling her is just something that would make me feel better, to get back at him and that is not the right thing to do.
> My husband did confront him with the texts that he forwarded to his own phone (not face-to-face, he did try, but could not find him) and the bloke just said 'it's just chatting by text, I have done nothing wrong, I will go the police'. So he knows both myself and H have texts as evidence.
> *I still don't know, in any situation, if you should, or have the right, to get involved in anyone else's relationship?*


A valid point for debate. Point is, though, that the OM himself had already got you involved in his relationship, and had got himself involved in yours.


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## violet37 (Apr 8, 2014)

Jule99 said:


> Violet, what you say makes sense as well - see how confusing it is to decide what is the right thing to do?
> I wonder if telling her is just something that would make me feel better, to get back at him and that is not the right thing to do.
> My husband did confront him with the texts that he forwarded to his own phone (not face-to-face, he did try, but could not find him) and the bloke just said 'it's just chatting by text, I have done nothing wrong, I will go the police'. So he knows both myself and H have texts as evidence.
> I still don't know, in any situation, if you should, or have the right, to get involved in anyone else's relationship?


There are times when you should go to the spouse, i'm not sure if this is it either. I guess you could always snail mail these messages to his wife, blocking out your number. He's a whiny type though, he's liable to actually try to involve the police, is it worth having to deal with that? Just don't do it to make yourself feel better, to get "back" at him. I would bet from what you said, that his wife knows exactly what he is already. 

yes it sucks to be in this situation, I had something similar once, except in my case the guy was way over the top. He was a business contact, and came right out and propositioned me, in a freakin grocery store, and didn't give up after I told him no. But then I found out that he does that to a lot of women and his wife knows about it but stays because she doesn't have to work and he supports her fairly lavish lifestyle.


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## Jule99 (Jun 7, 2013)

Philat said:


> A valid point for debate. Point is, though, that the OM himself had already got you involved in his relationship, and had got himself involved in yours.


Yes, you are right there, however I let him to some extent and have to stand up and take the blame.
I really thought he was a good friend and found that hard to let go of.
I have learnt a lot from this, all for the better, and have changed because of it.


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## jane1213 (Aug 10, 2012)

I think it is none of your business and you shouldn't get involved. She might blame you for this or doesn't believe you. I have seen this happen with friends and they just live in denial and believe their man when he comes cries and makes excuses.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Jule99 said:


> So, if you know a married person who has been texting another married person and saying that they fancy them etc, do you tell the person's spouse?
> Your gut reaction is to think yes, expose them, but what about the hurt and horror you will then inflict on that spouse, when it may never turn into an affair? Do you have the right to get involved in another person's marriage/relationship?
> :scratchhead::scratchhead:


Do you think this spouse would rather hear about it BEFORE it goes too far or after?


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## ClimbingTheWalls (Feb 16, 2013)

jane1213 said:


> I think it is none of your business and you shouldn't get involved. She might blame you for this or doesn't believe you. I have seen this happen with friends and they just live in denial and believe their man when he comes cries and makes excuses.




Absolutely. You worry about your own relationship and let others worry about theirs.


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## Jule99 (Jun 7, 2013)

Yeah, point taken. I guess that's why I haven't done it, as I have been concentrating on my own relationship, plus I fear it would do more harm than good.
Really difficult one, but I certainly do NOT want to do it just to get one over on him.
Sometimes it's best to let sleeping dogs stay asleep!


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

What a shame. That spouse now will have to live through a real, drawn-out affair, because his/her 'friend' wouldn't tell him/her about it.


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## Jule99 (Jun 7, 2013)

turnera said:


> What a shame. That spouse now will have to live through a real, drawn-out affair, because his/her 'friend' wouldn't tell him/her about it.


I understand your point of view, however, firstly I am not a friend of his wife - my H and I knew him long before he married her and although I have met her, I wouldn't say I knew her very well at all.
Secondly, as Violet said on here earlier, he may have just stopped at a bit of flirting and would never get into an affair.
The problem is, I think from his behaviour after my H got wind of him, he will not have learnt from his mistake and will likely think he can get away with anything. He could have put his hands up, apologised to my h and that would have been that. Instead he threatened my H, hurt my sons feelings, threatened me with the police and told me I was 'a stupid cow for not deleting my texts'.
I think this could run and run, as every individual case is different; sometimes it is right to tell, other times it may not be.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Ok, now, more than ever, I think you have an obligation to tell his wife the whole thing, given the jerk that he is.


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## Jule99 (Jun 7, 2013)

turnera said:


> Ok, now, more than ever, I think you have an obligation to tell his wife the whole thing, given the jerk that he is.


I have been thinking about what you said and will continue to give this serious consideration. My feelings about his behaviour once busted may be colouring my judgement though. They have two daughters under the age of 10, the sole reason why my H did not go to his house to confront him. I have to take them into account. I cannot just turn all their lives upside down unless it is something that is right, no question.
I know I keep going round in circles, forgive me.
All your opinions are being taken on board.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Yeah, I'd be worried to. I think I'd find a way to contact his wife and ask her not to tell him it was you - and tell her why, that he threatened your family! She probably won't do anything about it, but just knowing that she knows would be all I'd want.


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## Jule99 (Jun 7, 2013)

Yes that is a possibility. I just have to feel totally sure before I do it, and right now I am not sure.
Thanks for your input


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Jule99 said:


> Instead he threatened my H, hurt my sons feelings, threatened me with the police and told me I was 'a stupid cow for not deleting my texts'.


This guy sounds like he is a few bricks shy of a full load, and potentially dangerous to boot. Very unstable. His reaction is not normal.

I wouldn't say a thing. Why involve yourself in THEIR drama? He probably is crazy enough to blow this up and make it look like all your fault.

I can guarantee you that you are not the only woman he is sending inappropriate texts to. Cads like this don't stop at one.


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## jane1213 (Aug 10, 2012)

Agree with happy as clam you should be happy that he just wants this to be over. Don't contact his wife. She might as well be like her husband ... you will regret even wasting your time over this..


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## Jule99 (Jun 7, 2013)

Point taken, thank you.


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## Jule99 (Jun 7, 2013)

I also have to consider any backlash which would affect my H and sons.


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

I don't think there is a grey area here.

I would expose the hell out of this [email protected] to his wife for the following reasons:


It is the right and moral thing to do for her.
It will hopefully be a slight deterrent to him going out and doing this again in a hurry.
He needs some kind of punishment for behaving this badly and trying to break up two marriages.
He threatened you and your husband. This alone would cause me to bring him to his knees.

If it was "harmless" flirting (which I don't believe for a minute), then he should be able to explain it to her and if she believes him, then great - no harm done. If she doesn't believe him, then it would be for good reason (she wouldn't just throw away her marriage on a whim) and the outcome is what it should be.

So I really do not understand the debate here - this, too me, is a very black and white situation.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

You could also send a report to the police that he threatened your child, and let them go pay him a visit. In front of his wife.


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## Jule99 (Jun 7, 2013)

turnera said:


> You could also send a report to the police that he threatened your child, and let them go pay him a visit. In front of his wife.


I'm sorry if I said something misleading, but he threatened my H ("if I ever see you f***ing husband again he will not see the light of day ever again"), and threatened me with the police (because I threatened to tell his W), but he didn't threaten my son, he just offended him by telling him he no longer could have work experience or get his bike fixed there (we wouldn't allow my son anywhere near him after that anyway, but it still offended my son who was 15 at the time).


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## ClimbingTheWalls (Feb 16, 2013)

For all we know the wife knows/suspects that her husband behaves inappropriately. For all we know, he has already had an affair or three. For all we know, she is choosing to turn a blind eye for the sake of the child. 

If someone rocks up and forces her to smell the coffee she may choose to fling the hot coffee in that someone's face.

For myself, if somebody turned up telling me my husband was flirting/cheating/doing whatever they would unleash a pretty hellish reaction. I know that they say "don't shoot the messenger" but I know myself well enough to know that I most certainly would. I might shoot the husband later, too. 

Is it worth the risk just to have the moral high ground?


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

They could always just send an anonymous email.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Jule99 said:


> I don't want this to be about my story as such, it was a while ago, but my H read them (I never hid any texts from him), so it all blew up with my H threatening to tell his wife. The bloke went crazy at both of us and said that basically we were both out of order and he would report us to police for such threats, and I have not spoken to him since.
> The point is, I was stupid and wrong to allow myself to be in the position for this to happen, and have concentrated on making sure my marriage is strong since.


Oh, so you're the OW. 

My gut says you are doing this for a revenge after the guy blew up at you? If so, fall back. It doesn't seem like you would have cared much about his wife when you were carrying on with her husband. Just saying.

Interesting you didn't start your thread with this information.


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## Jule99 (Jun 7, 2013)

Jellybeans said:


> Oh, so you're the OW.
> 
> My gut says you are doing this for a revenge after the guy blew up at you? If so, fall back. It doesn't seem like you would have cared much about his wife when you were carrying on with her husband. Just saying.
> 
> Interesting you didn't start your thread with this information.


Well, I wasn't carrying on with her H, we texted mostly about my son who was working with him, and motorbikes, random stuff, which as I've already said, my H knew about - he saw all the texts.
I thought of him as a good friend, and found it hard to let go of that.
I also said that I since realise I should not have been in that position, and have learnt from it. As far as I knew his wife was aware of our conversations by text, and sometimes when we talked she was there. I had no idea he was going to suddenly text stuff like he fancied me.
I also have said that I do NOT want to tell her just to get back at him, so am not sure if it's the right thing to do - I think it probably isn't the right thing now.
I didn't start thread with the whole story because it actually was just a question in general.
I have not said once in this thread that I did not make mistakes. 
Your opinion is valid and I take it on the chin


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

Jule99 said:


> Well, I wasn't carrying on with her H, we texted mostly about my son who was working with him, and motorbikes, random stuff, which as I've already said, my H knew about - he saw all the texts.


How would you feel if your husband did above with another women?

You do realize that talking about random/every day life/common ground BUILDS relationships? That's how they flourish!!! hehe



Jule99 said:


> I thought of him as a good friend,


Never EVER think of ANY man as a friend. Cause they usually won't even talk to you or say hi unless they don't find you attractive.



Jule99 said:


> and found it hard to let go of that.
> I also said that I since realise I should not have been in that position, and have learnt from it. As far as I knew his wife was aware of our conversations by text, and sometimes when we talked she was there. I had no idea he was going to suddenly text stuff like he fancied me.
> I also have said that I do NOT want to tell her just to get back at him, so am not sure if it's the right thing to do - I think it probably isn't the right thing now.
> I didn't start thread with the whole story because it actually was just a question in general.
> ...


Stop communicating with men is the final answer. Married or not. It's inappropriate and disrespectful towards your marriage.

How would this be a "right thing to do" is beyond me. What are you trying to accomplish with such act? 

You love drama, don't you? Cause you are about to go on a drama rollercoaster......


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## Jule99 (Jun 7, 2013)

I was asking the question as a general thing, not just about my story. People have different opinions, as you can read yourself.
I have pretty much decided not to do anything, as I do not love drama actually.
I have already said, I will not make that mistake again, but I do not agree that no man is your friend unless he finds you attractive. You have your opinion, I am entitled to mine.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

Jule99 said:


> but I do not agree that no man is your friend unless he finds you attractive.


By all means you are entitled to your own opinion. Just remember that you will live with the consequences of that opinion.



May I ask how old you are? 

There is very simple tests women can do to find out for themselves.......quite easily......


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## survivorwife (May 15, 2012)

Jule99 said:


> I understand your point of view, however, firstly I am not a friend of his wife - my H and I knew him long before he married her and although I have met her, I wouldn't say I knew her very well at all.
> Secondly, as Violet said on here earlier, he may have just stopped at a bit of flirting and would never get into an affair.
> The problem is, I think from his behaviour after my H got wind of him, he will not have learnt from his mistake and will likely think he can get away with anything. He could have put his hands up, apologised to my h and that would have been that. *Instead he threatened my H, hurt my sons feelings, threatened me with the police and told me I was 'a stupid cow for not deleting my texts'.*
> I think this could run and run, as every individual case is different; sometimes it is right to tell, other times it may not be.


For me, those would be "fighting words". 

So yeah, if he tried to bully my husband, my son and myself I would definitely smile and tell his wife. The texting is one thing. Then it escalated to flirting and "fishing". And now he wants to threaten you and your family if you tell his innocent wife?

Oh heck yeah. I'd send copies of those texts and a letter to the wife anonymously and with no advance warning at all. I would challenge that idiot H to go to the police and explain himself. Or a lawyer. Either way, the truth would be out. 

I'm like that.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

DoF said:


> By all means you are entitled to your own opinion. Just remember that you will live with the consequences of that opinion.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Ooh, I wanna know!::raises hand::

What is the test?


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

Jule99 said:


> I was asking the question as a general thing, not just about my story. People have different opinions, as you can read yourself.
> *I have pretty much decided not to do anything, as I do not love drama actually.*
> I have already said, I will not make that mistake again, but I do not agree that no man is your friend unless he finds you attractive. You have your opinion, I am entitled to mine.


I think not doing anything is a mistake but only you can decide for yourself. Are you and your husband afraid of this [email protected] ?

He hit on you, abused your friendship, cheated (emotionally at least) on his wife, threatened your husband's life and disrespected your son !!!!! And he gets to walk away. What does your husband think of all this ? What does he get to do to your family next time he feels like sh!tt!ng on somebody ???

Like I said, he would be on his knees if it were me and mine. I understand that you don't like drama, but this goes way beyond drama!


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

Jellybeans said:


> Ooh, I wanna know!::raises hand::
> 
> What is the test?


You should know this stuff....

for starters, how about asking them out > see reply

Ask them to hook you up with a friend/help you >see reply/action

I would just recommend taking my word for it. What I said doesn't apply to each and every man (clearly). But based on what I have seen being around men my entire life.....it applies to MOST. 

No man wants a friendship with a woman unless there is more to friendship OR possibility of more down the line....and he has certain level of attraction towards you.

Sorry


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

manfromlamancha said:


> I think not doing anything is a mistake but only you can decide for yourself. Are you and your husband afraid of this [email protected] ?
> 
> He hit on you, abused your friendship, cheated (emotionally at least) on his wife, threatened your husband's life and disrespected your son !!!!! And he gets to walk away. What does your husband think of all this ? What does he get to do to your family next time he feels like sh!tt!ng on somebody ???
> 
> Like I said, he would be on his knees if it were me and mine. I understand that you don't like drama, but this goes way beyond drama!


PS. I didn't read the whole thread...but wow. If above doesn't prove what I said ....not sure what will (to the OP).

:rofl:

He was your friend alright.....


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## Jule99 (Jun 7, 2013)

This started after reading someone else's thread about their spouse communicating with OS, and people on here said they should tell OP's spouse, so it got me thinking about the question.
If you read replies to my thread, I will be in the wrong according to some whichever way I go.
I made some bad choices and hold my hands up. 

I do not see what relevance my age has on this.


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## Jule99 (Jun 7, 2013)

manfromlamancha said:


> I think not doing anything is a mistake but only you can decide for yourself. Are you and your husband afraid of this [email protected] ?
> 
> He hit on you, abused your friendship, cheated (emotionally at least) on his wife, threatened your husband's life and disrespected your son !!!!! And he gets to walk away. What does your husband think of all this ? What does he get to do to your family next time he feels like sh!tt!ng on somebody ???
> 
> Like I said, he would be on his knees if it were me and mine. I understand that you don't like drama, but this goes way beyond drama!


My H went looking for him at his business at the time, but never found him there. He wouldn't go to his home as the man has young children.
My H texted him threatening to tell wife, and has left it at that. Tbh, I was a bit scared of what he might do to my H, as his reaction showed a side I did not think he had. I did not want my H getting himself into any trouble, so we agreed to leave it be.


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## violet37 (Apr 8, 2014)

Dof makes a valid point for future reference. Use caution in engaging with other member of the opposite sex. Yes, we all have to interact at work, school related activities, church etc. Interaction just at that level can put you in a compromising position. But texting casually on a regular basis will usually involve at least one of the parties being interested in something "not so casual". Or make one of the spouses uncomfortable even if nothing might come out of it. 

Trust me when I say it simplifies your life to make a conscious decision to limit unnecessary interaction with the opposite sex if you are married. I prefer for men to think i'm unfriendly than to think i'm a possible conquest down the line. You have to find a balance in life with men just like you have to do with everything else.


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