# traveling solo



## steffb (Sep 13, 2016)

Is it ok to travel to another state to visit a family member without your spouse?


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

We try not to, but sometimes visiting a family member can't be avoided.

Oh, and we also try to avoid solo travel but it happens from time to time. No biggie for us.


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

I'd say so, and have done this once before!


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Yes, it is. I did that frequently when I was married.


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## steffb (Sep 13, 2016)

I ask this because my sister lives in Texas and she wants me to come visit her for just a weekend.. she has miles so it would not cost me and my husband a dime to go down there. My husband voiced how he wanted to go down there too but my sister doesn't care for him too much. My husband says basically if he can't go down there then I shouldn't want to either.. I just don't know how to look at the situation. Should I not want to go down for a weekend to visit my sister and niece and nephew or should my husband understand that its my sister and just say go have fun see you on sunday?


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

steffb said:


> I ask this because my sister lives in Texas and she wants me to come visit her for just a weekend.. she has miles so it would not cost me and my husband a dime to go down there. My husband voiced how he wanted to go down there too but my sister doesn't care for him too much. My husband says basically if he can't go down there then I shouldn't want to either.. I just don't know how to look at the situation. Should I not want to go down for a weekend to visit my sister and niece and nephew or should my husband understand that its my sister and just say go have fun see you on sunday?


Your husband has control issues. You were told this on your other thread http://talkaboutmarriage.com/showthread.php?t=350050. 

Ask yourself this simple question, why would your husband a) want to spend a weekend visiting people who blatantly don't like him? and b) want to selfishly keep you from seeing your family? 

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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

steffb said:


> I ask this because my sister lives in Texas and she wants me to come visit her for just a weekend.. she has miles so it would not cost me and my husband a dime to go down there. My husband voiced how he wanted to go down there too but my sister doesn't care for him too much. My husband says basically if he can't go down there then I shouldn't want to either.. I just don't know how to look at the situation. Should I not want to go down for a weekend to visit my sister and niece and nephew or *should my husband understand that its my sister and just say go have fun see you on sunday*?


Yes.


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

Lila said:


> Your husband has control issues. You were told this on your other thread dogs and husbands - Talk About Marriage.
> 
> Ask yourself this simple question, why would your husband a) want to spend a weekend visiting people who blatantly don't like him? and b) want to selfishly keep you from seeing your family?
> 
> Sent from my SCH-I545 using Tapatalk


I agree. Your husband sounds controlling. Trying to isolate you from your family is a sign of emotional abuse. It's not like you're going to a bachelorette party in Vegas.


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## ulyssesheart (Jan 7, 2017)

He is being selfish and controlling. 
He could have done this creatively, such as, fly down there with you, keep himself occupied for the weekend, doing something he enjoys, then on Monday and Tuesday, or more, do things together and then fly back together. He could then have a happy wife and a happy small vacation with his SO.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

steffb said:


> I ask this because my sister lives in Texas and she wants me to come visit her for just a weekend.. she has miles so it would not cost me and my husband a dime to go down there. My husband voiced how he wanted to go down there too but my sister doesn't care for him too much. My husband says basically if he can't go down there then I shouldn't want to either.. I just don't know how to look at the situation. Should I not want to go down for a weekend to visit my sister and niece and nephew or should my husband understand that its my sister and just say go have fun see you on sunday?



"That is the Horse of a Different Color that you have heard so much about."(1) Like Charlie Parker, I also try to avoid visiting Relatives, but if it is a relative that doesn't like my Spouse, Trash talks my Spouse, or has EVER talked ill of my spouse behind her back. Then I won't even let my shadow fall on their doorstep. I'm not kidding. 

Your Sister who deliberately dis-invited your Husband is the controlling one in this case.


(1)The Wizard of Oz - Movie based on the novel by Frank L Baum


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## ChipperE (Nov 16, 2016)

I have lots of vacation time with my job and my husband doesn't. Because of that and the fact that I travel quite a bit for work I frequently travel without him. In fact I'm usually alone or with the kids when we travel unless it's his one week of vacation a year. He would never try to stop me from going somewhere just because he can't. In fact, I've gone to NYC to see Broadway shows with a friend while he stayed home to work and manage the kids.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Lila said:


> Your husband has control issues. You were told this on your other thread dogs and husbands - Talk About Marriage.
> 
> Ask yourself this simple question, why would your husband a) want to spend a weekend visiting people who blatantly don't like him? and b) want to selfishly keep you from seeing your family?
> 
> Sent from my SCH-I545 using Tapatalk



Even more so, why not go (husband) find something to do while you visit your family? Honestly, I don't get it. If this were my situation I would go because a) support my W. b) be with W for most of the weekend. c) find something I like to do in the area will my W visits family. (museums, fish, sporting event, local brewery). I have no issues getting lost for a while. Sometimes I love to do it. 

Such an easy fix really. At least in my mind.


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

My w encouraged me to go to Reno with my brother for Super Bowl. We've been together decades and rarely travel apart, though I did live out of town weekdays several years ago with a consulting gig - but that was work.

If it were a family member that didn't like my W - idk. I probably wouldn't want to go but she would probably be ok with it


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

Mr. Nail said:


> "That is the Horse of a Different Color that you have heard so much about."(1) Like Charlie Parker, I also try to avoid visiting Relatives, but if it is a relative that doesn't like my Spouse, Trash talks my Spouse, or has EVER talked ill of my spouse behind her back. Then I won't even let my shadow fall on their doorstep. I'm not kidding.
> 
> Your Sister who deliberately dis-invited your Husband is the controlling one in this case.
> 
> ...


Perhaps the sister doesn't like the husband because he does sh!t like this.

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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

Mrs. Nail appreciates my sensible self boundaries and I appreciate hers. Is this just a blame the Male thread?


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## browser (Oct 26, 2016)

steffb said:


> Is it ok to travel to another state to visit a family member without your spouse?


I don't understand the point of questions like this. If you ask 20 people you might get 10 "yes" and 10 "no". 

You might get 2 "yes"; and 18 "no" or 3 "no" 16 "yes" and one "undecided".

So what?

Truth is if it's not illegal and you're ok with it and you're willing to put up with whatever reaction you might get from whoever matters to you in your life then do it. If you're afraid of someone or they've got some sort of unhealthy amount of control over you or you're afraid to travel alone or any other multitude of reasons that make you not ok with it then sit home and bake cookies. 

It doesn't matter what anyone on here thinks about it unless you make all your decisions based on what the majority says, and let's hope you don't get a tie vote.


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## zookeeper (Oct 2, 2012)

Not sure I understand the pile-on of the husband. If my wife is not welcome somewhere, it's not somewhere I want to go. Period. 

My wife has friction with certain members of my family, but none of them would dare suggest she is not welcome in their homes. If they ever tried to force me to choose, they lose.

I didn't see where the husband tried to stop her from going, only expressing his surprise that she would want to go when he has specifically been excluded by her sister. So who is trying to control her behavior? Him or the woman who told her she can't bring him?


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

FeministInPink said:


> Perhaps the sister doesn't like the husband because he does sh!t like this.
> 
> Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

Not if said sister treats your H like crap.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

I wouldn't want my husband going off to see his family on his own. It's bad enough that he sees them at all...why he spends time (albeit not often) with people who hate my guts hurts me terribly and is a betrayal of my faith and trust in him. That's how I see it.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

People who enjoy their siblings like to spend time catching up without spouses hanging around and vying for attention. Personally, I don't know why a spouse would want to subject them-self to reminiscences of childhood and 'do you remember so-and-so?'.

My husband would visit his brothers on his own for usually 1 or 2 days and it was no problem. 

Maybe your husband is afraid you'll talk about him so he wants to be there to quash that. Guess what? You probably will and it's ok because she's your sister. You need bonding time with her.


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## zookeeper (Oct 2, 2012)

Blondilocks said:


> People who enjoy their siblings like to spend time catching up without spouses hanging around and vying for attention. Personally, I don't know why a spouse would want to subject them-self to reminiscences of childhood and 'do you remember so-and-so?'.
> 
> My husband would visit his brothers on his own for usually 1 or 2 days and it was no problem.
> 
> Maybe your husband is afraid you'll talk about him so he wants to be there to quash that. Guess what? You probably will and it's ok because she's your sister. You need bonding time with her.


I see a big difference between someone visiting family without their spouse because the spouse does not want to go and the same trip solo because the family prohibited the spouse from coming. A world of difference, in fact.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

My MIL didn't want to share her children with their spouses and made that very clear from the beginning. I was good with that and always encouraged my husband to see her without me. That very rarely happened (he didn't like seeing her at all) but it was not because I opposed it. The less I saw her, the easier my life was -- as is so often the case with in-laws.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

steffb said:


> I ask this because my sister lives in Texas and she wants me to come visit her for just a weekend.. she has miles so it would not cost me and my husband a dime to go down there. My husband voiced how he wanted to go down there too but my sister doesn't care for him too much. My husband says basically if he can't go down there then I shouldn't want to either.. I just don't know how to look at the situation. Should I not want to go down for a weekend to visit my sister and niece and nephew or should my husband understand that its my sister and just say go have fun see you on sunday?


My first question is what's wrong with your husband that she doesn't like him? My second question is what's your relationship like? Is he frequently controlling or angry or guilting you if you don't do things his way?


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

turnera said:


> My first question is what's wrong with your husband that she doesn't like him? My second question is what's your relationship like? Is he frequently controlling or angry or guilting you if you don't do things his way?


I'm quoting this because I have the same question, and would like to hear from the OP on this topic.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

turnera said:


> My first question is what's wrong with your husband that she doesn't like him? My second question is what's your relationship like? Is he frequently controlling or angry or guilting you if you don't do things his way?


It doesn't mean there's anything wrong with him just because his sister in law doesn't like him!

My inlaws hate my guts. They hated hubby's first wife too. They have no reason to feel this way. Ex wife and I are like chalk and cheese, we couldn't be more different. It's not us, it's them!


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## AVR1962 (May 30, 2012)

I did it all of the time.


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## Celes (Apr 28, 2015)

Why your husband would want to impose himself onto sister time is beyond me. My husband is more than happy to leave me have alone time with my sister. And yes, I frequently travel home without him. He doesn't mind a bit. It's very exhausting when I go home because I have so many people visit.


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## Celes (Apr 28, 2015)

I also don't see where the sister explicitly stated she doesn't want him there. Only that she doesn't care for him. So I imagine if he did come, it would be awkward. 

And your siblings aren't obligated to like your spouse. They just need to be respectful.


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