# Difficult Past, Tough Present, Unknown Future



## Anonymous19 (Oct 19, 2017)

PLEASE HELP...Difficult Past, Tough Present, Unknown Future

I'm new to this forum. Been reading a lot of posts and finally got the courage to post about my issue. I'm hoping you all can help. I'll try to make this as short as possible but I have to give all the details so you all have all the facts and can hopefully help me and my marriage.

My wife and I started dating in our senior year of high school when we were 17 yrs old back in 2001. We have been together 17 years and married for 4 yrs. We met through a family member and when I first saw her I instantly fell in love with her. We did everything together and loved spending time with each other. We still hung out with friends but spent as much time as we could with one another. We had sex for the first time after being together for almost a month or maybe less, can’t remember exactly. We both graduated high school and we both worked while I also went to College. We were both still living at home with our parents. We talked about past relationships and were very open with one another. She told me she had been with about 8 men before me. This was tough to hear since we were only 18 yrs old. She also told me how a cousin sexually abused her when she was a little girl.

Fast forward to about two years into our relationship and my wife went out with a co-worker and some of her friends. I found it odd as this co-worker had only started working at her job for a few months. I felt that my wife was getting too close too fast. Anyhow, they went out and when she got home she called me. We had not spoken that entire afternoon/evening. I was a bit upset she was out so long and had not returned my calls. Not common for her so I thought something was up. After talking to her for a bit she came out and told me her co-worker and her ended up going to the movies with two friends of her co-worker, male friends. Her co-worker ended up leaving with one of the guys she liked and my wife was left with the other guy at the movies. According to my wife she felt bad leaving and stayed to finish the movie. She swears nothing happened. I was furious and could not believe this was happening. Right away I started thinking the worst, that she had been unfaithful to me. I was more hurt though because she didn’t see anything wrong with staying at the movies with this guy she had just met and took his feelings into consideration (feeling bad about leaving the guy alone), but yet didn’t think of my feelings and how I would take this and fell about it.

We argued and had a rocky few days but she insisted nothing happened. It was hard to get over it but I tried my hardest. A week or so go by and I went to visit her at her job to have lunch with her. When I arrived, she was outside the place talking to a guy. She introduced him as a friend of her co-workers. The same girl she went out with that night. I didn’t think much of it at that very moment. Later that day I asked her more about who that guy was and she said it was the guy from that night which she stayed at the movies with. I lost it and could not believe it. I felt that she had been lying to me all along and felt convinced that something happened that night of which she was not being honest about. Whether it was a kiss or sex, I strongly felt like she had cheated on me.

After this I shut down and was being very distant with her. I felt hurt and betrayed. I did not have any evidence but I think it’s obvious that something went down. We stayed together but the relationship was very tough and things were not the same. Not that it was the right thing to do but I wanted to get back at her. I met a girl named Maria while in college and we became close. I was introduced to her by a friend from high school. She was her cousin. At the moment she was in a relationship but was also going through some difficult times with her boyfriend. We eventually started dating while we were both still in relationships with other people. Feelings began to get deeper and deeper where we decided to end our other relationships and become exclusive with one another. We had a great time together. We had an amazing time and felt like we really loved each other. She would get upset because although I had broken up with my wife to be with her, my wife would still come around my place since my mother and her had become close. I had never told my mother how I thought my wife had cheated on me with the guy from the movies.

Its about Summer of 2003 now and my grandfather passed away. My wife being as close as she was with my mother had come by to pay her respects. Can’t remember exactly how it ended up happening but we had sex. It just happened. She had started dating some guy named John. So by no means was it a reconciliation between us. I was still with Maria. I felt horrible that I had cheated on Maria but didn’t say anything to her about it. A few months go by and my wife called me to tell me she was pregnant and that she was 100% sure I was the father as her and John had not had sex and she had not been with anybody since we broke up. I could not believe this happened. We were 20 yrs old at the time and it’s something I was not ready for. I had to break the news to Maria and confessed to her what I had done. She was very upset and hurt but forgave me and we stayed together.

While my wife was pregnant, we were not together. She had ended it with Sam once she found out she was pregnant. Believing that it was my son, I went to Dr appointments with her and my family even had a baby shower for her. Maria hated the situation and became more and more uncomfortable with it. One night I went over to my wife’s house to talk about upcoming things pertaining to the baby. Maria had followed me and they had a confrontation. It got physical with my wife punching Maria a few times. Cops were called but eventually no charges were pressed. My wife was about 5-6 months pregnant at the time. It was a horrific experience and I felt like I was to blame.

Throughout the pregnancy my wife and I stayed very much in contact, for the baby’s sake of course. A few times we became intimate which led to us having sex. I was still with Maria at the time. When my wife had our son in 2004 it was an eye opening experience for me. I wanted nothing more but to reconcile with my wife and give us another try. I couldn’t stand not being there for my son and having another man in his life as his father figure. I asked my wife to forgive me for my doings and for not being together while she was pregnant. It was a difficult time for her. I hated myself for it. She forgave me and we agreed to try to repair what we had and start fresh I guess. I ended it with Maria, although she was just as close to ending it with me because she explained she couldn’t deal with the situation of me having a baby with someone else. And even though she knew the day would come when the baby was born, she thought she would be stronger and would be able to deal with it.

We moved in together and gave our relationship another try. I was still a bit uncomfortable with the thought of not being my son’s true father. Being that when she became pregnant she was dating John. This led me to having a DNA test performed. Results were that I was indeed 99.9999999% the father. I was honest with my wife about it and explained to her that things were not good between us at the time and I had my doubts. She was not very happy with the situation but got over it and stressed how she was not lying about being with someone else and that all along she knew I was the father.

Fast forward now to about mid 2007. Our relationship was going good but a few times we would get into big fights because she would go out with her girlfriends and I would think she was out doing other stuff. Reason for this was she would get dressed up like she was looking to impress somebody and wear a lot of make up. But really what got me super upset was that she would come home very late and a lot of times drunk to the point where she couldn’t walk straight. I tried not to let it get to me but I would suspect her of being unfaithful. Stories sometimes didn’t add up, or not answering my calls, and being distant. We would argue and then make up.

Around this time we found out she was pregnant again, this time with our daughter. It was the happiest moment for both of us. I wanted to be there for her this time around and did everything I could to be the best man possible. Our daughter was born in 2008 and my wife started nursing school soon after that. She was working full time and going to school full time. I was only working part time at the moment as I had lost my previous job and the one I found was only hiring for part time employees. Since I was home more I would do most of the house chores and stuff with the kids. Pretty much for 3 years my wife only had to worry about school and work. I made sure to do everything I could so that she wouldn’t have to worry about anything else.

While she was in nursing school we had some problems. It was bad enough that we hardly saw each other because of her schedule, but any spare time she had, she would spend it with friends from school. Going out drinking to bars and studying at the library on Saturdays. It got so bad that I felt like we were literally roommates. Our sex life was nonexistent. I proposed for us to go to counseling but of course she was too busy and didn’t have the time. I kinda sucked it up and just dealt with it.

When she finally finished school things seemed to become normal again. We were spending a lot more time together and actually being a family. I have always put my kids first, and my wife also. Always putting myself last for their happiness, sacrificing for their well-being. I eventually went back to school and graduated college and found a job in my field of IT. Things were looking better as a whole and our relationship was also going great. In 2013 we finally got married. It was one of the happiest days of my life. I loved her so much and knew that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her.

Fast forward to Summer 2017. We made a big decision to move from the NY to GA. We’ve always talked about it and both wanted to make this move. She has family here but I don’t. All my family is back in the NY (Parents and brothers). Not many friends left behind. Mostly acquaintances and people I worked with. We have loved it so far and the kids have as well. Recently though some problems have come up and I think they have to do with our rough past. At the place she is currently working, a major hospital in our area, she’s become close to some co-workes. She spends a lot of time at the gym, almost going every day. She is obsessed with loosing weight. I’ve never considered her to be fat. She’s always been thick which I love but I wouldn’t say fat. She’s 5’6’ and weighs about 155lbs. Her weight has always bounced between this and 175. She says she doesn’t like her body. Meanwhile I’m always telling her that I love her body and that it is perfect. And I mean this 100%. I wouldn’t change a thing about it.

Anyway, I also found a weird phone number on her phone. When I questioned her about it she said its from a coworker, a male coworker. When asked why she needed to be talking to male coworkers, she explained he gave it to her but she never gave him her number. Why would she save it though??? Her behavior has been rather suspicious to me. She recently told me she doesn’t feel like having sex too often is good for our marriage because its no longer fun or exciting. She feels that going days without having sex would be better for us. I could not understand this as I love to have sex with her and even if one day goes by without it I start withdrawing like a drug addict does when they don’t get their drugs. I call it my medicine. We were arguing and fighting more and more. She was spending more and more time at the gym. Whatever time we did spend together it was with the kids as a family. No intimacy whatsoever. I was becoming more and more angry and was starting to show my anger. I was getting very upset about the smallest things and even my kids were starting to notice.

I confronted her about something going on and her possibly cheating on me. She denied it and says its all in my head and that I’m allowing my mind to play tricks on me. Now, to her credit, I haven’t found any questionable text messages on her phone, or emails, or voicemails. But she could easily just delete them all. I have full access to her email and phone. She knows this and has no problem with me checking it if I felt I needed to. We are on the same cell account so I’ve also checked call/text logs. I haven’t been able to find any concrete evidence of her doing anything. Aside from this, I have this feeling in my gut telling me something is not right. All those thoughts from our past come back to haunt me. I start thinking of her being unfaithful again and scenarios play out in my mind.

We got into a big fight 3 weeks ago because she wanted to go to have some drinks at another Nurse’s house (female) where other coworkers were going to be there. I was upset about it since we haven’t been doing too good and would think that fixing our problems/marriage should be a priority to her, instead she wanted to go have some drinks and a good time. She did invite me to come with her but I felt the invite wasn’t genuine and she knew I would say no. Eventually I told her to do what she wants and what makes her happy but I felt we should separate for some time and hopefully it’ll help us both. It’s the last thing I truly wanted to happen but felt that it would help her realize what is important in her life, or at least what I think should be important in her life, her family more so than anything or anybody else. She said she didn’t agree with a separation but also said she wouldn’t stop me from leaving.

The next morning while in bed we talked more and actually communicated with one another. No arguing, no yelling, no screaming. No Hulk on my part. We agreed to work on our problems and even brought up going to counseling. For the past three weeks things have been great but not without some issues on my part. I can’t seem to be able to stop thinking of her cheating on me. When she is at work I think that she is cheating at work with a coworker. When she’s at the gym I think she’s meeting up with somebody and cheating. If I am not with her, I think she’s cheating. As much as I try to tell myself that its all in my head and nothing is going on, I cant seem to stop thinking about it. Even when we are intimate and have sex, I cant stop thinking that she’s thinking about someone else.

Since the big fight 3 weeks ago things have definitely improved. More communication, more intimacy, more understanding. I do feel like I’m getting her back little by little. Aside from this, I still keep dealing with the thoughts of her being unfaithful to me or that she was. She swears she loves me and wants only me and values our marriage and our family. Even though she is telling me this I can seem to help thinking that she is not being genuine and it’s all just a lie, her covering her tracks. I love her very much and could not see myself with anybody else. I value our marriage and our family and last thing I would want is a divorce.

But how can I just get these thoughts out of my mind? Why can’t I stop thinking about what happened so many years ago? What are some of your thoughts? Am I just letting our past come back to haunt me? Should I just blindly trust her? Am I too insecure? Is the problem all me? Should we see a counselor or am I the one who needs it?


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

No offense but i got lost reading that...not when you were married and when you were not...but that said...

two things have you ever DNA your child ?
and second is she willing to take a polygraph?


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## Ghost Rider (Mar 6, 2017)

You need help. Please lay off your poor wife and seek counseling for your irrational fear of abandonment.


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## Anonymous19 (Oct 19, 2017)

Lostinthought61 said:


> No offense but i got lost reading that...not when you were married and when you were not...but that said...
> 
> two things have you ever DNA your child ?
> and second is she willing to take a polygraph?


I know it was a very long post and I'm sorry for that but wanted to make sure I include all the details.

To answer your questions, yes, I had DNA test done on my son and I am the father. Her genes seemed to have over powered mine when it came to my son. No need for my daughter as she looks exactly like my mother, so didn't feel the need to have her tested.

Highly doubt she would be wiling to take polygraph.


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## Anonymous19 (Oct 19, 2017)

Ghost Rider said:


> You need help. Please lay off your poor wife and seek counseling for your irrational fear of abandonment.


Thanks for your reply and feedback. I know I need help which is why I started here as a way to let it all out and get feedback from others. "Irrational fear of abandonment", can you elaborate. Is this what you think my issue is? Looking to get counseling but at the moment it is not financially feasible. Insurance doesn't cover it. How else could I work on my issues? 

I'm assuming you feel that I'm 100% the cause of the problem(s) in our marriage. Nothing from my long post led you to think that she was wrong from our past? Or am I being unrealistic in even thinking about something that happened so many years ago?


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## Bianca Stella (Sep 26, 2017)

That gut feeling! OMG such a beast. Somehow I feel like you?re right. She sounds like she is hiding something and you?re not wrong for feeling what you feel. Currently, to have an affair, you can use whatsapp or fb, no numbers will be on your phone bill. Follow your GUT and learn the difference btwn paranoia and jealousy. Oh and are you still in touch with Maria?


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

Anonymous19 said:


> I know it was a very long post and I'm sorry for that but wanted to make sure I include all the details.
> 
> To answer your questions, yes, I had DNA test done on my son and I am the father. Her genes seemed to have over powered mine when it came to my son. No need for my daughter as she looks exactly like my mother, so didn't feel the need to have her tested.
> 
> Highly doubt she would be wiling to take polygraph.


well if she has nothing to hide then why not take a polygraph...if not then someone one think she is hiding something...otherwise live in doubt


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## Anonymous19 (Oct 19, 2017)

Bianca Stella said:


> That gut feeling! OMG such a beast. Somehow I feel like you?re right. She sounds like she is hiding something and you?re not wrong for feeling what you feel. Currently, to have an affair, you can use whatsapp or fb, no numbers will be on your phone bill. Follow your GUT and learn the difference btwn paranoia and jealousy. Oh and are you still in touch with Maria?


I want to trust her 100%. I want to believe everything she tells me. But when you've been with a person for so long, you become very familiar with just about every aspect of their life and can tell when something is not right. Maybe it's just me, maybe it's just my insecurities, maybe it's just my mind playing tricks on me and making me focus too much on our rough past and triggering these new feelings. But what if it's not, and something is going on.

She even told me that since we moved and I don't have anybody here (no family and friends), I'm clinging on to her and not letting her have space. She told me to find some friends or to find ways to keep busy because always being together is not healthy. She says all I want to do is be home watching movies or always spending time together at home. I prefer to be home with her and the kids. Doing things as a family. I don't have any desire to go out with people or co-workers. I love spending time with her and the kids. I get all my satisfaction being with her. I don't get pleasure out of hanging out with other people. I can see how I can come off as being too clingy and maybe suffocating her, but whats so wrong about always wanting to be with my wife and share all of our time together. We are different, I get it, but at times I feel as if she doesn't desire me or as if she would rather spend time with co-workers and friends. Worst is feeling as if I'm not a priority to her and simply a person she shares a home and kids with. 

Finally, no, not in touch with Maria. Many years ago I heard she got married and had kids but got divorced.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Hang on a minute, you are the one who cheated on her and left her for another lady. How is it then that you are so worried that she is cheating now?


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## scaredlion (Mar 4, 2017)

You have your mind stuck in the past. She wants friends and to go out . You don't want friends, don't want to go out, and only want to be home with her. Are you familiar with the word compromise? Next time she wants to go out, get a babysitter and go with her. You are driving yourself crazy and driving her away from you at the same time. After all this time, if you have no evidence of an infidelity, other than your gut feeling, then you are trying to screw up your relationship by way of your gut. You said you were in IT, then you should be able to find evidence if it's there. Hire someone to watch her when she is out by herself with coworkers. You keep up what you have going and you are going to end up on the wrong side of your marriage. I have gut feelings also but it has never taken me weeks, months, years to verify or eliminate those feelings. I do wish you well.


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## Laurentium (May 21, 2017)

I tried to read all through that, and I could not see anywhere that you ever found any evidence that she ever had sex with anyone else. Maybe I missed it? And you put a lot of effort into checking.


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## Tatsuhiko (Jun 21, 2016)

You have no direct evidence, as other posters have stated. But you have the gut feeling you cannot get past, and there are a whole bunch of red flags about her in your story. Past sexual abuse, past "dates" with other men, suspicious phone numbers, obsession with appearance, working in the medical profession, girls night out, change in sex frequency--all of these are signs of a cheater. 

But it's just as hard for us to assess the truth as it is for you. If I were you, I'd go into spy mode. Take a closer look at the phone bill--time spent on calls to various numbers, time of day that the calls were made. Consider hiding a VAR (voice-activated recorder) in her car so that you can hear the kinds of conversations she's having when no-one is listening. An expensive option is to hire a PI to keep an eye on her for a few days. This usually gives results very quickly.


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## hylton7 (Jan 24, 2017)

just divorce her dude she should be putting you first not ****ing friends


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Get the book, download it now from amazon, MARRIED MAN SEX LIFE PRIMER. You can download it. It will show you exactly why you are driving her away. You are being grossly needy and smothering. However, she is also showing various signs of cheating. The thing is, her behavior could also be explained as a reaction to your behavior.
I would guess the chances of her cheating were about fifty fifty.

As someone else said get a var. There is a thread here about doing the detective work to catch a cheater. Unfortunately, it is very hard to catch a workplace affair because they do not need to communicate with their phones or texts.
What she is telling you is you don’t have a life. She is right about that and that makes you extremely unattractive. What kind of shape are you in? If you keep this up she will find someone else if she hasn’t already.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Have you checked the map apps on her phone to see where she has been?


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

From what I read it appears that most of the drama, excluding the stuff in Georgia, happened before you married. If this is so, why did you get married to someone who you suspect is a serial cheater?

VAR in her car is the best way to gather info. Cheaters love to talk on the phone driving to and from work.


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## Anonymous19 (Oct 19, 2017)

Diana7 said:


> Hang on a minute, you are the one who cheated on her and left her for another lady. How is it then that you are so worried that she is cheating now?


I didn't actually cheat on her. When the whole thing happened with her going to the movies, I suspected her of doing something, but never had actual evidence. So I gave up and met Maria. But we ended it before I actually started dating Maria. 

Was I not in the right to think that she had been unfaithful by staying at the movies with that guy? Not answering my calls that night. And then seeing the guy at her job that day. I know this is a very long time ago and I'm not trying to live in the past, but with the recent stuff going on between us, it's triggered all those past feeling and bad memories.

We've had great times and not all has been bad. I've never actually caught her cheating but have always suspected.


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## Anonymous19 (Oct 19, 2017)

Chaparral said:


> Get the book, download it now from amazon, MARRIED MAN SEX LIFE PRIMER. You can download it. It will show you exactly why you are driving her away. You are being grossly needy and smothering. However, she is also showing various signs of cheating. The thing is, her behavior could also be explained as a reaction to your behavior.
> I would guess the chances of her cheating were about fifty fifty.
> 
> As someone else said get a var. There is a thread here about doing the detective work to catch a cheater. Unfortunately, it is very hard to catch a workplace affair because they do not need to communicate with their phones or texts.
> What she is telling you is you don’t have a life. She is right about that and that makes you extremely unattractive. What kind of shape are you in? If you keep this up she will find someone else if she hasn’t already.


Going to look into the VAR. 

I have sort of let myself go. I'm not in the best shape, but also not in the worst shape either. Just recently started working our again and she even came with me to the gym. As a way to keep myself busy, get healthier, and make her see me again as the man I was once. 

Things have been better between us. We are communicating more and haven't actually been fighting or arguing. It's just tough because I want to believe that everything is OK but at the same time keep thinking what if it's not and she is cheating. We've been spending a lot of time together and as a family in general. Sex life has increased a lot where it's almost every other day now. She has been initiating a lot more and has been more intimate. 

Here's the kicker, things have been better and I want to forget about our recent rough patch and the possibility of her cheating, but the little devil on one shoulder is telling me that this is all just a cover up on her part to keep me from being suspicious.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

Anonymous19 said:


> Going to look into the VAR.
> 
> I have sort of let myself go. I'm not in the best shape, but also not in the worst shape either. Just recently started working our again and she even came with me to the gym. As a way to keep myself busy, get healthier, and make her see me again as the man I was once.
> 
> ...


Look up "Hysterical bonding". I'd lay odds she is a serial cheater who has been cheating off and on since before you married and the current uptick in your sex life is her hysterical bonding with you after her most recent escapade.


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

She could be completely innocent. But most of the time a "gut" reaction that something is going on is your subconscious screaming that something is wrong.

For now, enjoy the new sex life. Don't press her to answer questions because you know she will not. 

Use the VAR to investigate. 

Look into tracking her phone or a GPS to see if she is where she says she is when out with "friends".


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## Sparta (Sep 4, 2014)

OP you know she’s a serial cheater the last two poster has pretty much nailed it for you right there. Your gut feeling is usually the correct indication that there’s something wrong, but it’s how you handle that information and how you deal your whole situation with showing her strength not weakness and how you’re not going take putting up with a cheating wife. When you do get evidence of her cheating with a VAR but you have to have evidence.! Do not confront her without it. And when you do you need to make her face consequences because of her cheating or just get out of the marriage it’s not healthy for you.


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## Sports Fan (Aug 21, 2014)

Go with your gut. Your wife has displayed red flag signals. Like others have suggested keep quiet play dumb but plant the VAR.

The VAR should unearth something within 72hrs if not earlier.


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## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

Dna test your kids!


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## David51 (Sep 12, 2017)

When she goes to the Gym have you ever checked to see if her car is at the gym parking lot? A VAR in her car is also a good idea. If you can afford it hire a detective. In my opinion asking her to take a lie detector test is a bad idea. I travel a lot on business and occasional fishing trips (usually with friends but sometimes not). I don’t cheat and I assume she doesn’t either but I could I am fit and women do flirt with me I find amusing my wife and I have been married 30 yrs and our sex life is once or twice a week. But sometimes once a month, I honestly do not keep score. Anyway if she asked me to take a lie detector test, I’d be offended and probably say no. The corner stones of a good marriage is TRUST. Go find a hobby buy a set of kettle bells and get fit be the best you that you can be and stop obsessingoben something you that probably is just in your head


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Anonymous19 said:


> PLEASE HELP...Difficult Past, Tough Present, Unknown Future
> 
> I'm new to this forum. Been reading a lot of posts and finally got the courage to post about my issue. I'm hoping you all can help. I'll try to make this as short as possible but I have to give all the details so you all have all the facts and can hopefully help me and my marriage.
> 
> ...



You need to sort out your own self first before getting into other relationships and playing games with your wife. Stop all contact with your wife and gf and work on becoming a more grounded, stable better man.


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## Anonymous19 (Oct 19, 2017)

David51 said:


> When she goes to the Gym have you ever checked to see if her car is at the gym parking lot? A VAR in her car is also a good idea. If you can afford it hire a detective. In my opinion asking her to take a lie detector test is a bad idea. I travel a lot on business and occasional fishing trips (usually with friends but sometimes not). I don’t cheat and I assume she doesn’t either but I could I am fit and women do flirt with me I find amusing my wife and I have been married 30 yrs and our sex life is once or twice a week. But sometimes once a month, I honestly do not keep score. Anyway if she asked me to take a lie detector test, I’d be offended and probably say no. The corner stones of a good marriage is TRUST. Go find a hobby buy a set of kettle bells and get fit be the best you that you can be and stop obsessingoben something you that probably is just in your head
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


I've tracked her whereabouts and as of yet, she has always been where she says she is. I've tracked her phone and her car. I've driven to her job without her knowing and her car is there and her phone showing her being there as well. Only other possibility is her going somewhere in another car and also leaving her phone at work. I doubt it though as she always has her phone. I would hate to think she could be so wreck-less as to leave her phone because since we have kids, and in case of an emergency she wouldn't be able to answer. But I guess you never know. When she goes to the gym, I've tracked both her car and phone, and the same thing, both show her as being at said location. I haven't gone to her gym though like I have to her job.

I was able to access her phone with a software I purchased. I was able to recover deleted texts, contacts, pictures, etc... and was happy to not find anything that would suggest cheating, but at the same time, I was also upset that I didn't find anything because it's leading more and more to this all being in my head and me just being paranoid, insecure, anxious, etc... She is not very tech savvy so for her to somehow find some crazy way get rid of stuff on her phone is not likely. This software recovered stuff going back years. Last thing is to get the VAR and see if I find anything on there.

Things have been much better lately. We are going to the gym together, having lots of sex (just about every other day) and communicating better too. We've also started going back to church. She has been more affectionate and showing that affection more. All this aside, I still somehow feel that something is going on or something was going on. If something was going on, I can only assume that it's not any longer. Unless she's meeting somebody at work, at the gym, or when she visits her mother, I don't think she could have the time to do anything since we've been spending a lot of time together, as a family with the kids or just us alone. She swears that nothing is going on and nothing was going on and it was all just bad communication on both our parts. She said shes tired of being accused of something she is not doing and said she wont continue to put up with it.


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## David51 (Sep 12, 2017)

Anonymous19 said:


> I've tracked her whereabouts and as of yet, she has always been where she says she is. I've tracked her phone and her car. I've driven to her job without her knowing and her car is there and her phone showing her being there as well. Only other possibility is her going somewhere in another car and also leaving her phone at work. I doubt it though as she always has her phone. I would hate to think she could be so wreck-less as to leave her phone because since we have kids, and in case of an emergency she wouldn't be able to answer. But I guess you never know. When she goes to the gym, I've tracked both her car and phone, and the same thing, both show her as being at said location. I haven't gone to her gym though like I have to her job.
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I don’t blame her, I wouldn’t expect that my wife would put up with it either. Have you ever considered that it really is just you being paranoid? I have some quirks in my personality. 8 am a worrier and I obsess over stuff that could happen but probably won’t. Sometimes I have to stop and actually tell myself to chill out. 

Are you taking any medication for stress or anxiety. You might want to see a Md Dr, but not a shrink. They all think we have mommy issues lol. Sounds like you have a happier than average marriage, try not to screw it up. 


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## colingrant (Nov 6, 2017)

Lots of years and experience, but nothing too solid. Consider the fact that you could be wrong. Don't conclude, just consider. As others have posted though, deploy some form of surveillance just to put your mind at ease, as it's been churning for years.


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