# What ?????????????



## rome2012 (Sep 10, 2010)

After almost 11 years my ex-h divorced me in January. 

Shortly after divorce decree was signed by the judge he asked me to reconcile.

I wanted nothing more than that.

We had a rocky start (resentment on my part), but finally were getting better.

In May I found out I am pregnant....totally unexpected I SWEAR !!! as I have a medical condition that makes it nearly impossible to get pregnant without medical help, plus I was on birth control.

I've waited 10 more weeks to tell him, thinking maybe I'll have another miscarriage (had 3 before our other 2 kids), but this baby was determined.

He was pissed when I told him, understandably.

He then proceeded to tell me that even though he loves me, we were never reconciling and I was still supposed to move out, it was all just a financial issue (he's got more than enough money to kick me out though).

I was pissed and hurt and left him alone. The next night he made an attempt to apologize (his way: cuddling with me) but I wouldn't have any of it, I was too hurt.

After a week he invited us to an indoor amusement park and again, we got along great. He looked at me in a loving way again.

That lasted until August, when one night he asked me about the status (of the baby).

I was upset about him calling it a status and told him not to worry, he won't have to have any responsibility towards the child, which led to a big argument.

The next day I tried to avoid him as much as possible (stayed out late from work) and when I finally made it home, he informs me that his mom had passed away.

He left for 10 days to be with his dad and didn't contact me until I did, but then he responded within minutes.

He asked me if I wanted some of his mom's jewelry and :scratchhead: even asked if I found out the gender of the baby yet.

Anyway, when he came back on the 10th he was nice and all. The night after, we had sex and he tried to kiss me during it (which hasn't happened in forever !!!) and I was caught off guard and didn't react to it (more like a schoolgirl's first kiss).

The next day he seemed a little distant and depressed, but when we talked it was decent until last night.

Last night when I came to bed, he started to cuddle again (not in a sexual way)...I let him, but then he got up at like 4:45 AM and went for a run, came back 30 minutes later and didn't come back to bed until 7:30 AM.....ever since he seems annoyed and short with me....just left the house an hour or two ago without saying a word.

You guys are men.....do you have any idea what's going on here (and I don't mean another woman, as he hardly ever leaves the house, this morning was the first time) 

Can you tell me how to deal with this, what to do, what to say, what not to do, what not to say ???

Any input is appreciated.


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

rome2012 said:


> After almost 11 years my ex-h divorced me in January.
> 
> Shortly after divorce decree was signed by the judge he asked me to reconcile.
> 
> ...


How about ask him?
Like, 'you keep giving me mixed signals. Let's plan for our children's and our future. Do things still stand that you'e waiting financially for me to get on my feet before separating homes? What do you want?'

Never know til you ask.

Don't be scared that asking puts the 'thought' in his mind about leaving. I'd rather know that live in fear of rocking the boat. And if he uses the divorce as a control tactic, I'd call his bluff and be gone.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Whip Morgan (May 26, 2011)

Rome, I've followed your story for a while. You're divorced, but you're not acting like that - sex, cuddling, etc. etc. I'm not sure what he is doing besides sending mixed signals.

So are you. I reccomend figuring out what you're acting out this behavior. Are you in IC? I think you're bouncing mixed signals off eachother and it isn't healthy for either of you.

Good luck, keep us posted.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

GG is right as far as aking him but I wouldn't hold my breath that his answer is going to make any more sense than his mixed signal reactions.

As far as the baby is concerned, don't let him off the hook for he is just as responsible as you are in helping to conceive an innocent child. He needs to be a man and become emotionally and financially supportive of his child no matter what happens to the relationship between the two of you.

What you need to do is honestly ask yourself 'Can I live with his erratic behavior without it driving me insane?' and 'Does his behavior sabotage my trust in him?' The answers to those questions may be hard for you to face but doing so would be to open your eyes to the reality you face so that you can then make the best choices for you and your baby.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

There's nothing to ask him at this point.

He doesn't know.

He hasn't known.

He may have the best of intentions, but he simply can't pull it off.

I know very, very, well what it is like to ask a wayward partner 'what's going on?' She couldn't muster anything more substantial than "I don't know ..." for nearly 2 years. And it's infuriating, because it's an unacceptable answer for an adult.

But ... that doesn't mean it's not the true answer.

You may love this man, and he may love you, but it is highly unlikely that you will have love expressed to you in a consistent fashion that breeds happiness and security ... with this man. The sad part is you already know this. I knew it too. But it can be very difficult to let go of the idea of what you want, and acknowledge the reality you have.

He can't pull his family together if he can't pull himself together.


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

morituri said:


> GG is right as far as aking him but I wouldn't hold my breath that his answer is going to make any more sense than his mixed signal reactions.
> 
> As far as the baby is concerned, don't let him off the hook for he is just as responsible as you are in helping to conceive an innocent child. He needs to be a man and become emotionally and financially supportive of his child no matter what happens to the relationship between the two of you.
> 
> What you need to do is honestly ask yourself 'Can I live with his erratic behavior without it driving me insane?' and 'Does his behavior sabotage my trust in him?' The answers to those questions may be hard for you to face but doing so would be to open your eyes to the reality you face so that you can then make the best choices for you and your baby.


I agree. I think the day you make decisions based on your wants and quit letting him lead this sick game you'll take a deep breath to the depths of your abdomen and feel freedom for first time in a long time!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Why Not Be Happy? (Apr 16, 2010)

How are you? Any updates?


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