# Perception is reality



## Soveryalone (Jul 19, 2013)

first of all allow me to say how deeply sorry I am for anyone feeling lost or confused about " what now". I know how completely frightening that can be. Its human nature to be terrified of the unknown. As children we are afraid of the dark, why? Because our imaginations ran wild , and monsters and boogie men lurk in the shadows. As we grow older being afraid of the unknown is still very much reality. 

A new job, a new house, a new state or country we call home. Whether we can see through the fog or not , and no matter how deeply lost or afraid you feel , just know that we are able to choose. We can choose to be stuck in the mud, wheels spinning or we can choose to look at this new chapter as a brand new adventure. Each morning we wake up and whether we feel like getting out of bed or not , we do. We fight, we persevere, we scar but we make it through. 

You are exactly who you are because of the life you have lived, the choices you have made. good, bad or indifferent we live and learn, so cliché I know. Please keep coming back to these forums , these are good people who have been through hell and back and will be there to support you. I just started hitting the forums a few weeks back and they have helped me keep my sanity. Avoid threads that may trigger you or hamper your healing process. And I know for some who are recently divorced , even though the process may have taken months , years , the finality of the divorce or end of the relationship can be overwhelming to say the least. And when people tell you to stay strong, stay busy, be with family and friends, just know with or without the support of others , you will get through this. 

If you need to, write down yourself a daily schedule to keep. Eating right, exercising , reading, writing. Whatever it is that brings you joy and happiness, do it. Write down your new dreams, and this might be difficult because for so long you talked about dreams with someone else. What are your dreams? don't dream big, dream HUGE and try to chase your dreams, before you know it when you begin this new adventure , one day you will wake up and feel free, feel healed , and be happy. the process is different for us all, it takes some people weeks some months , and some years. But the more distance between you and your relationship/ marriage , the more clarity you will have.

Do NOT focus on the end , or what caused the end, and if you have to write it down, do that, FOCUS on the mistakes you and your Ex made throughout the ENTIRE marriage/ relationship. trust me , its so easy to focus on the end, but sadly the end was inevitable , and both people need to accept their roles in that. Someone lied , cheated , stole ? Someone pulled back emotionally , physically ? Think about the relationship from day 1 and process it and push forward.

This is all a lot easier said than done, I know this. MY wheels are still spinning in the mud, but I am becoming less and less stuck. My friend told me something his mother told him
" Other people can either make us happier or sadder , but true happiness comes from within our self" and I really do believe that. Others can either add to our inner happiness or take from it, but in the end, true happiness has little to do with anyone except you.


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