# tomorrow is day one (Long story)



## forever learning (Sep 28, 2010)

Well tomorrow I go home to a half empty house. I have been away for work for a few days and knew it was coming. Seems alittle daunting now that it is finally here.

She told me recently that she basically checked out a year and a half ago but didn't have the strength until now to leave. 

A brief re-cap ..Last April I had an affair that lasted roughly a month ...I was stuck in the fog. After it started... After it started I felt like it had gone to far and I was *&% no matter what I did...What I really wanted to do was run home to her and confess,but I was to much of a coward. Instead I did every classic move that a ws does. I blamed her and everything I could think of....

She fought hard for me....I changed jobs...got a job she thought would be great for us...(I did too) I had to go to training that basically had me gone Sept-Feb...I would be gone for 5 weeks home for 1 gone for 6 weeks home for 2 weeks gone for 10 days etc. When I left the first time she held me so tight and cried so hard...I thought we were going to be ok...
Boy was I wrong..

She started texting another man, I found out my first time home....She was changing right before my eyes while I was gone...

Originally She was calling me and sending me cards all the time then they slowly trickled off.
I stumbled across the texting looking at our bill 2200+ texts in 4 weeks 

I asked her about it...called the other dude, (who I knew) they both assured me they were just friends. 

In the mean time I had to leave again...now she told me she needed her space ...didn't know what she wanted to do...told me she was leaving...then she wasn't. Told me it wasn't because of another man...WTF over? 

I went home again briefly and things were so so...she was still texting and I believed her about the friend thing..plus I was feeling guilty from the affair. She would tell me that she wasn't like me and neither was the other guy and to leave it be...

Rewind a bit..

Before I left for my new job we briefly went to counseling...I was a butt-hole to her (not mean just kinda blaming I was embarrassed) ...still not owning up to my affair. After a few sessions I lightened up but the damage was done. she didn't want to go anymore. I mention that cause while I was gone I continued my sessions over the phone...I read tons of online stuff.. found this site and really found the deep issues I had and have worked so hard to better myself.

Ok back to when i was gone training...

Well She started going out with her single GF's.. like out till bar closing and stuff...it was a mess. She came to visit me while I was gone for stretch and we had a really good time. I thought we were making progress. Nope

She would go home and continue the texting I found this out much later....

I had a 3week stint at home and then one more 3 week stretch of training to go ..things were pretty good. She came and visited me for 5 days on my last long trip, it was very nice. 

After words while I thought we were good... it turns out she was still texting this other dude, (who is engaged) so things were pretty rocky...I was uneasy with it all and started expressing this to her...once again was told the friend story and to leave it be..she had to deal with it her way. 

We went on a family vacation shortly after which was alot of fun...after that things started going downhill fast.

She started pulling away and I started wondering...I confronted about the texting when she started texting another new friend...

I texted the number and asked who it was...the guy immediately texted her and asked her if she was safe with me ? 
Really? 

Anyway she said she was super embarrassed and was furious with me..changed the password to the cell bill and wouldn't give it to me...

I told her that if she didn't stop texting these dudes I would seriously consider leaving our marriage....she called me out on it...I caved and stayed. My mistake for not being fully prepared to leave.

A couple weeks later she slept with the one guy she had been texting since I first left...So much for her or him not being like me....

Well just so happens we had a couple kids coming to stay with us a week later...she said she was sorry and we should see how the summer goes and make a decision then on what to do..
I agreed.... thinking of the kids. 

What a mess that turned out to be...she still would not give me the cell password...just told me to trust her ..I tried to explain to her about being transparent and such..... no luck.

We had a few arguments about it...I asked her to resume counseling with me...no dice.
She didn't seem real bummed about her sleeping with that guy. I actually found out from his fiance'. My stbx wouldn't tell me.
Then she was mad at me for talking to the other lady about it...

Somewhere in this she decided she was done and leaving...She is moving into her single GF's house and trying to transfer her job out of town...

Turns out she told me in a email today that...she didn't like who she was after my affair..she thought she was weak..so for the last year and a half of really trying and really thinking about it she wants out....

My thoughts are how did you try ...where you trying while you were texting another dude on avg 2300-2500 times a month...how did you really try when I asked you to go to counseling and you refused...or didn't read the books we bought together ...the ones I read and you made it through half of one..if that... How is that trying or reallly really thinking about it...:scratchhead:

I asked her and she told me that it had nothing to do with anything...and she did try..


Whew..sorry that turned out so long...that is the last year and a half in a nut shell...


Thanks for listening I know its alot to take in...

So tomorrow I go home to a new beginning at the ripe old age of 40 3/4 ....I have mixed emotions. I'm relieved ,sad,scared everything you can imagine.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Don't look at it as an emty house but a house with protential, you will beable to fix it up the way you want and you will never have to worry about things getting moved around. 
Some times you just have to let go, take the lessons learned and have a healthier relationship the next time around. Even at 40 you still have a lot in front of you.


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