# Grass Is Not Always Greener... (A Rambling Rant)



## SecondTimesTheCharm (Dec 30, 2011)

So, after a first marriage of over a decade, I filed for divorce about 5 years ago...no children, single for the first time as an adult and in my mid-30's at the time, I moved on very quickly as I was ready to start a new life.

Dated a bunch but then met a woman I thought was all that...felt an amazing chemistry, but, looking back, while we really clicked in the bedroom, perhaps in other areas we were lacking.

Long story short, we ended up breaking up after more than a year of dating in which time we had already planned our lives out together with each other...baby names, dream house, dream cars, the whole bit. I wasn't ready for the breakup and tried to do everything I thought I could to save it...there may even have been a chance to save it, as well, but then I met my second wife and by then I felt this woman (the ex-gf) had made an a$$ out of me as she had already introduced her new boyfriend to friends and family and this was within a month of our breakup.

So, instead of being a complete sucker, I wrote her a rambling hate e-mail, telling her everything I hated about her, telling of any and all sins I had committed during our year together, and including photos of another woman and I together on a trip halfway around the world that could only have happened while my gf and I were together. My intent was to "kill" our relationship forever...to NEVER EVER allow myself a chance to be hurt by her again and it was the closest thing I could do to actually killing her or killing myself, because that is how much pain I felt.

Anyway, it was hard to get over that relationship, and, unfortunately, I brought that baggage into my next relationship which turned out to be my second marriage. Although the ex gf and I never communicated again after that final e-mail I sent to her, it still haunted me for a long time.

As an "artistic nude model" in her spare time (with a very responsible white collar job by day), there were photos of her splashed across the internet that I could access and that made things no easier to get over.

Finally, though, about a year ago, she disappeared off the grid. Took down her modeling portfolio, no Facebook ever, nothing.

Only yesterday did she come back on the grid when on my Facebook page I got one of those "You May Know" updates on my FB page, showing people that have been e-mail contacts or friends of other facebook friends and there she was, my ex-gf.

Naturally, I clicked on her page and what I saw did not at all surprise me. After dumping me for a guy 14 years my junior (and 6 years her junior), she was with him for almost 2.5 years by my estimate but they seemed to break up about 6 months ago, although he seemed desperate at the end, going to Buddhist meetings and stuff (I am thinking to satiate her) before moving back home to the East Coast after their breakup.

Flash forward to yesterday and on her Facebook there were just a few FB friends (less than 25) and of the ones I knew, only the religious ones remained and just one from her modeling days. Gone was Buddha (she was raised Christian and even had a crucifix like tattoo on her lower back) and now she appears to be a born-again Christian.

Most disturbing, however, is that she has just begun a relationship with a guy who is 19 years her senior (traded in a 26 year old boyfriend for a 51 year old boyfriend) and the guy looks very blue collar so I doubt it is because he is loaded or anything. 

Anyway, this has mostly been a relief to me...sort of like draining a blister is the only way I can think of to explain it. Too many times following the breakup I beat myself up over what I could have done differently but even during the relationship, which was her first serious relationship following a 4 year marriage for her (married at 23), she told me how her husband and her saw both a marital counselor and a sex therapist once a week and that either the marital counselor or the sex therapist (or it could have been both of them) had wanted her to see a psychiatrist but she refused and insisted that if she was crazy it was her hubby that was making her crazy.

Seeing how she has reinvented herself (and not the first time, I bet), I am thinking myself very lucky that I did not end up married and with children with her. I just never felt like I got the whole story of her background. While she was very smart (class valedictorian in HS and college graduate from a top university), she also had a very troubled relationship with her mom and a nearly non-existent relationship with her biological father, a couple friendships that had just ended when she met me and a couple more friendships that ended just during the year she and I were together, as well as telling me how a couple of her exes hated her guts and she'd be surprised if they ever contacted her again (and, as it turns out, I followed the same pattern!).

I think it is disgusting that someone like her can just sweep so much under the rug (there are still nude photos of her accessible on the internet that she has no way of controlling). Her boyfriends family all seems very religious and I doubt they have any idea of her history yet she can now portray herself as a Jesus freak and do volunteer work and conveniently act like she never renounced Jesus (which embracing Buddha amounts to).

Yet, at the same time, I am so glad I had the opportunity to see this and it is an affirmation that I made the right decision to continue dating my wife early on rather than continuing to pursue my ex-gf. Although my wife and I are still working on our marriage (as I guess most married couples are and always will be), at least there is transparency there and I don't feel like she's kept any major secrets from me. Plus, honestly, I can say my wife is way prettier than my ex-gf and while my ex-gf has a tight/toned body, it is as much the result of her psychological disorders (exercise bulimic, at least during her first marriage) and breast implants as it is of leading a healthy lifestyle.

I do feel bad about dumping another woman I was dating at the same time as my ex-gf, as that woman had children while my ex-gf did not. But, it comes as no surprise now that the woman I dumped was recently married to a man who seems like he really loves her and she seems to be doing great while my ex-gf seems to be really screwed up and wacky in this latest incarnation and her 51 year old boyfriend is just really kinda gross looking.

I can now much more appreciate the time and times I've had with my wife, particularly just by looking at my wife's FB page, my own FB page and the FB page of my ex-gf. While the FB page of my wife and I include beautiful wedding photos, photos from various trips to exotic locations, hundreds of photos together, countless other photos with friends and family, etc., the FB page of my ex-gf have exactly four photos...one of her (more covered up than I have ever seen her...lol), one of her with her weathered boyfriend, and two of religious images. 

I guess the moral of the story is not to think that the grass is greener on the other side. Honestly, while I didn't think she'd ever marry the younger guy she dumped me for, I did think she'd have her fun with him, outgrow him and then marry a successful guy around my same age (8 years older than her). 

Instead, however, she has gone Jesus freak, distanced herself from yet another part of her life and the one taker for her is a tatted up 51 year old guy who, from what my P.I. skills tell me, owns a small house in a not so great part of the city. One of the reasons she broke up with me was because she didn't like that my house was 30 miles from her office and wanted to live in a Spanish style home. Well, my home is 50% bigger than this guys house, in a nicer city and no further from her office than this guy's, oh, and I'm way younger, much better looking, probably much better in bed and I have a wife who I am more grateful for than ever before!!! 

I shared all this with my wife and she seemed relieved by it all in a way as she agreed that I had put this woman up on a pedestal and that this all confirmed it. May the ex-gf enjoy the 51 year old boyfriend and keep him well stocked with Vitamin V (little blue pill!) 

Rant complete.


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

You sound really obsessed with your ex.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## pidge70 (Jan 17, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> You sound really obsessed with your ex.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


^^^ IKR
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------

