# So much nastiness on these forums, I'm out.



## Dillinger (12 mo ago)

I'm going to delete my account after I post this. It seems like these forums exist to be a helpful place where folks can come and talk about the issues they're having in their relationships. 

I see so many posts where people come here looking for help because they've just been cheated on, or are really struggling. It feels like about half of the time now someone will jump on these posts right away with some terrible nastiness that is 100% unhelpful. You're reading this now, and you know who you are. I hope the little twinge of shame you feel motivates you to stop being that person.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Arrivederci.


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

Dillinger said:


> I'm going to delete my account after I post this. It seems like these forums exist to be a helpful place where folks can come and talk about the issues they're having in their relationships.
> 
> I see so many posts where people come here looking for help because they've just been cheated on, or are really struggling. It feels like about half of the time now someone will jump on these posts right away with some terrible nastiness that is 100% unhelpful. You're reading this now, and you know who you are. I hope the little twinge of shame you feel motivates you to stop being that person.


That's too bad.

I think the mods do a pretty good job of keeping nastiness in check.

Not everyone gives the advice that I think is best, but being wrong is everyone's right 🤣


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## Tested_by_stress (Apr 1, 2021)

Knot in your shorts over the climate change thread?


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

If you’re posting in the Politics forum, you shouldn’t be surprised at any of that.


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

Not directed at OP, but the post reminds me of this:


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Dillinger said:


> *I'm going to delete my account after I post this. It seems like these forums exist to be a helpful place where folks can come and talk about the issues they're having in their relationships.*
> 
> *I see so many posts where people come here looking for help because they've just been cheated on, or are really struggling. It feels like about half of the time now someone will jump on these posts right away with some terrible nastiness that is 100% unhelpful. You're reading this now, and you know who you are. I hope the little twinge of shame you feel motivates you to stop being that person.*


Yeah, I feel no shame at all (assuming I'm one of the 'nasty' ones - because I am).

There are boards where everyone holds hands and sings Kumbaya and swims in the Delusion Pond. All their threads are just one post after the next of people back-patting and tongue-clucking and telling the betrayed poster, "you're the prize!" They tell the poster how his or her cheater will be 'right as rain' if their cheater goes to therapy and "does the hard work" and blah blah blah. It's the most ridiculous cookie-cutter response, no matter HOW badly the betrayed poster has been disrespected. And sadly, the OP in most of these stories is *allowing* themselves to be **** on day after day after day by their cheater and is asking what else they can _DO_ to get their emotional abuser to 'love' them again because they're so desperate to get them back.

They're not asking how they can find their damned dignity and self-respect once more so they can make *HEALTHY *decisions for themselves. They just want to know how to get the person who **** all over them to come back to them and 'love' them once more. God, that is truly pitiful. 

I'll go with *REALITY* for $600, Alex.


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

I can't imagine being so sensitive that strangers on an internet forum could upset me. Personally I get a kick out of the diversity of personalities and views.

If you can't take a bit of conflict in this atmosphere how do you manage real life?


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

Cooper said:


> I can't imagine being so sensitive that strangers on an internet forum could upset me. Personally I get a kick out of the diversity of personalities and views.
> 
> If you can't take a bit of conflict in this atmosphere how do you manage real life?


They can't, hence the state of the US.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Openminded said:


> If you’re posting in the Politics forum, you shouldn’t be surprised at any of that.


Good heavens so that's what this is all about?

Guess someone should have stayed in the baby pool 😅



Cooper said:


> I can't imagine being so sensitive that strangers on an internet forum could upset me. Personally I get a kick out of the diversity of personalities and views.
> 
> If you can't take a bit of conflict in this atmosphere how do you manage real life?


Sometimes I play devils advocate just to get opposing viewpoints and here people get offended 😅


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

RandomDude said:


> Good heavens so that's what this is all about?
> 
> Guess someone should have stayed in the baby pool 😅
> 
> ...


But their feelings!!!!!!! 🤣🤣🤣🤣


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Numb26 said:


> But their feelings!!!!!!! 🤣🤣🤣🤣


Then making a thread to validate said feelings 😅


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

RandomDude said:


> Then making a thread to validate said feelings 😅


Thread?? Every screwed up thing for the past 6 years has been to validate said feelings! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Numb26 said:


> Thread?? Every screwed up thing for the past 6 years has been to validate said feelings! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣


Lol yet their feelings are only valid when they are following the agenda 😅


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## heather42 (2 mo ago)

Numb26 said:


> Thread?? Every screwed up thing for the past 6 years has been to validate said feelings! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣


I skimmed threw the OP's older posts. It's difficult to figure out why he's so upset. Who knows.

I'm not even on Twitter and reading Elon's posts everyday. It seems to be the only reliable news source...LOL.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Sorry you feel that way. We have rules we do our best to enforce but strong opinions you don't like are not in and of themselves rules violations.

Best of luck to you.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

heather42 said:


> I skimmed threw the OP's older posts. It's difficult to figure out why he's so upset. Who knows.
> 
> I'm not even on Twitter and reading Elon's posts everyday. It seems to be the only reliable news source...LOL.


Not to mention the politics section is avoided by a lot of members here without any issues so it's rather silly to make a thread about leaving over an easily ignored and optional part of the forum.

There are some sections I don't go to at all 🤷‍♂️


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

lifeistooshort said:


> Sorry you feel that way. We have rules we do our best to enforce but strong opinions you don't like are not in and of themselves rules violations.
> 
> Best of luck to you.


Rules are very tight in the normal sections of the forum - as it should be, coming from someone who was on the receiving end of the spanking recently lol

Get carried away sometimes 😖


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## OnTheFly (Mar 12, 2015)

Tested_by_stress said:


> Knot in your shorts over the climate change thread?


lol, as funny as this is....his complaints seem to be about that small part of TAM that actually is about marriage, haha.

The advice given and received on TAM should follow the figure skating judging rules. Get rid of the high and low scores and glean value from the middle section. 

We all know that a complaint about a wife spending $5 too much on a pair of shoes is not grounds for the 180 and D papers. And yet the equivalent happens everyday. Just ignore or challenge that stuff. No need to stomp off in a huff.


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## UAArchangel (2 mo ago)

If I were to extricate myself from every situation, where I had to deal with unpleasant people, I would be living in the Himilayas, wearing goat skin.

Or building my own spaceship.


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## CrapMan (7 mo ago)

UAArchangel said:


> If I were to extricate myself from every situation, where I had to deal with unpleasant people, I would be living in the Himilayas, wearing goat skin.
> 
> Or building my own spaceship.


rofl


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

RandomDude said:


> Rules are very tight in the normal sections of the forum - as it should be, coming from someone who was on the receiving end of the spanking recently lol
> 
> Get carried away sometimes 😖


It happens. I was banned a few times before I became a mod and one was for a sarcastic comment I made that a mod took seriously. Another one I thought was absolutely ridiculous but I still took it and came back.

Grown up take their lumps.


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

lifeistooshort said:


> It happens. I was banned a few times before I became a mod and one was for a sarcastic comment I made that a mod took seriously. Another one I thought was absolutely ridiculous but I still took it and came back.
> 
> Grown up take their lumps.


I've been ban for some ridiculous reasons too but you just spend your time in the penalty box and come back.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Or you sulk and pout and tell everyone you’re leaving because … unfair.


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## heather42 (2 mo ago)

Openminded said:


> Or you sulk and pout and tell everyone you’re leaving because … unfair.


But OP wasn't banned. Online forums can be horrible sometimes. Lots of bullying going on at times or hearing things that go strongly against your POV. Sometimes the best thing is just to take yourself out of a situation and get busy doing something else. IMHO.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

heather42 said:


> But OP wasn't banned. Online forums can be horrible sometimes. Lots of bullying going on at times or hearing things that go strongly against your POV. Sometimes the best thing is just to take yourself out of a situation and get busy doing something else. IMHO.


You either deal with the reality of online forums or you move on. He wasn’t banned and I can think of several other posters who weren’t banned either but felt it necessary to make an announcement that they were leaving. A few months later they came slinking back in like they had never made a big production of leaving. Better to just stop posting and go away — then you can return at some point if you wish (and not look as foolish).


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## UAArchangel (2 mo ago)

Openminded said:


> You either deal with the reality of online forums or you move on. He wasn’t banned and I can think of several other posters who weren’t banned either but felt it necessary to make an announcement that they were leaving. A few months later they came slinking back in like they had never made a big production of leaving. Better to just stop posting and go away — then you can return at some point if you wish (and not look as foolish).


I'm now leaving!


Hello.


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## Bluesclues (Mar 30, 2016)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> Yeah, I feel no shame at all (assuming I'm one of the 'nasty' ones - because I am).
> 
> There are boards where everyone holds hands and sings Kumbaya and swims in the Delusion Pond. All their threads are just one post after the next of people back-patting and tongue-clucking and telling the betrayed poster, "you're the prize!" They tell the poster how his or her cheater will be 'right as rain' if their cheater goes to therapy and "does the hard work" and blah blah blah. It's the most ridiculous cookie-cutter response, no matter HOW badly the betrayed poster has been disrespected. And sadly, the OP in most of these stories is *allowing* themselves to be **** on day after day after day by their cheater and is asking what else they can _DO_ to get their emotional abuser to 'love' them again because they're so desperate to get them back.
> 
> ...


Thread jack, but I can’t tell you how many times I have had things happen in life and thought “what would She’sStillGotIt reply if I posted about this right now?” Saves me posting about it because the answer would boil down to do something about it or quit your whining because you chose that path. Your brand of nastiness has helped me more than you know!


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## DownButNotOut (Apr 9, 2009)

Lot's of dancing on graves in this thread.


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## Not (Jun 12, 2017)

DownButNotOut said:


> Lot's of dancing on graves in this thread.


A natural by-product of the thread itself. Kinda surprised Felicia wasn't mentioned lol!


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> swims in the Delusion Pond.


🤣 🤣 🤣 🤣 🤣 🤣 🤣 🤣 
Love it!


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

DownButNotOut said:


> Lot's of dancing on graves in this thread.


Your comment reminded me of the mom that killed her son and then went back to the grave a week later with silly string.


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## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

Openminded said:


> I can think of several other posters who weren’t banned either but *felt it necessary to make an announcement that they were leaving.*


 Flight number HTFU will be departing TAM International Airport at gate 86.


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## Trident (May 23, 2018)

This isn't an airport, there's is no need to announce your departure.


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## heather42 (2 mo ago)

OP said he was going to delete his account but I don't think there's a delete button.


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

heather42 said:


> OP said he was going to delete his account but I don't think there's a delete button.


Same. I think the mods will permaban but delete is not an option. TOS says something similar “mods won't delete, don't ask” or something like that.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Why do you have to announce your leaving though? If you don't want to post anymore just don't.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

Yes, there are folks who are tough here -- USUALLY because they are giving a 2x4 to wake the OP up as to what is going on.
There of course ARE folks who, ummm, go a bit BEYOND that, but you know what? Move to the next post and ignore.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> Yeah, I feel no shame at all (assuming I'm one of the 'nasty' ones - because I am).
> 
> There are boards where everyone holds hands and sings Kumbaya and swims in the Delusion Pond. All their threads are just one post after the next of people back-patting and tongue-clucking and telling the betrayed poster, "you're the prize!" They tell the poster how his or her cheater will be 'right as rain' if their cheater goes to therapy and "does the hard work" and blah blah blah. It's the most ridiculous cookie-cutter response, no matter HOW badly the betrayed poster has been disrespected. And sadly, the OP in most of these stories is *allowing* themselves to be **** on day after day after day by their cheater and is asking what else they can _DO_ to get their emotional abuser to 'love' them again because they're so desperate to get them back.
> 
> ...


100% nasty lady!😉

Asshole barbarian concurs.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

If anyone on TAM has a legitimate gripe, it's the mods.

The rest of us have it pretty easy.

I would have to ban myself if I was a mod.😋


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## Tdbo (Sep 8, 2019)

sokillme said:


> Why do you have to announce your leaving though? If you don't want to post anymore just don't.


That's not as dramatic.


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## Tdbo (Sep 8, 2019)

Dillinger said:


> I'm going to delete my account after I post this. It seems like these forums exist to be a helpful place where folks can come and talk about the issues they're having in their relationships.
> 
> I see so many posts where people come here looking for help because they've just been cheated on, or are really struggling. It feels like about half of the time now someone will jump on these posts right away with some terrible nastiness that is 100% unhelpful. You're reading this now, and you know who you are. I hope the little twinge of shame you feel motivates you to stop being that person.


Take your panties up a size.
They'll be less apt to bunch up if you do.


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)




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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

RebuildingMe said:


>


No!!!!


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## so_sweet (10 mo ago)

So much nastiness on the forums here at TAM?

My experience is very different.

When I've needed good advice with marriage stuff, I've gotten it here. Any time I've shared any issue in my marriage, I've gotten GREAT advice from people here. Reading and posting here has made a positive difference in my marriage. I've learned (and continue to learn) so much from the wonderful people here at TAM.

Many people here have been married longer than me and perhaps some have more life experience than me and I respect and appreciate their advice beyond what words can describe. I don't really have anyone IRL to ask about marriage stuff and I am grateful for this forum and the people who are a part of it. ❤


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## Jimi007 (6 mo ago)

OP is not 100% wrong... I've seen many 1st time posters chased away. Unfortunately many here are TRIGGERED and PROJECT there own experiences and hurt onto the poster...

.Just read some of these comments. 

Why isn't the OP allowed to have an opinion ?....

Take a look at the ridicule being projected,


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

We don't talk relationships much in the politics section, unless it's related to whatever we are supposed to be arguing about lol - I hope it's not over that because if it is, that's rather silly!!!


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

I don’t know what this is all about, but can’t we just get back to some good wholesome men/women bashing and lib/conservative fisticuffs before all this niceness takes over?
Gotta start the new year off right.
I’ll help get this going:
Riv and Tex: all men are angels who only want to make women’s lives easier.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Jimi007 said:


> OP is not 100% wrong... I've seen many 1st time posters chased away. Unfortunately many here are TRIGGERED and PROJECT there own experiences and hurt onto the poster...
> 
> .Just read some of these comments.
> 
> ...


OP is certainly allowed and should have opinion, doesn't need permission or
to be allowed by any. That's silly.
Why do you think not ??


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## Benbutton (Oct 3, 2019)

Jimi007 said:


> OP is not 100% wrong... I've seen many 1st time posters chased away. Unfortunately many here are TRIGGERED and PROJECT there own experiences and hurt onto the poster...
> 
> .Just read some of these comments.
> 
> ...


If all it takes is mere words to chase someone away, then maybe they should work on their fortitude? Sticks and stones...


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

Benbutton said:


> If all it takes is mere words to chase someone away, then maybe they should work on their fortitude? Sticks and stones...


But, but, but words hurt!!! Waaaaaaah!!!


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

RandomDude said:


> Good heavens so that's what this is all about?
> 
> Guess someone should have stayed in the baby pool 😅
> 
> ...


We are those.

The Devil, his advocate, a nice lady or two.

And then, there is _The Typist-_

We cannot keep him in the closet, long, he whines and cries, never bellows.
.


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## LeGenDary_Man (Sep 25, 2013)

Dillinger said:


> I'm going to delete my account after I post this. It seems like these forums exist to be a helpful place where folks can come and talk about the issues they're having in their relationships.
> 
> I see so many posts where people come here looking for help because they've just been cheated on, or are really struggling. It feels like about half of the time now someone will jump on these posts right away with some terrible nastiness that is 100% unhelpful. You're reading this now, and you know who you are. I hope the little twinge of shame you feel motivates you to stop being that person.


My suggestion is to stay but post less if you are not feeling like it. Do not burn bridges unnecessarily.

What exactly you found unpleasant? Why not talk about things that make you feel better for a change?

I have posted on many forums and I can tell from experience that some of the most mature people post on TAM.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

When someone has been cheated on or their spouse is divorcing them and comes here, they’re looking for solutions to solve the problem.

People that have been through this before recognize immediately the weakness that the person is showing, see how destructive and futile that weakness is, and know far too well how much pain is going to come their way as a result of that weakness.

The response sone oriole may see as bashing a new poster is almost always the attempt to urge in the strongest way possible, the person to stop showing weakness and change their tactics. I don’t think any person who has ever been through a divorce (which I believe to be pain only equaled by the death of a loved one, and in many ways worse) is without empathy for a betrayed spouse (regardless of the type of betrayal). But sometimes the zeal of the poster trying to help the new person to get out of the pain, is seen as bashing.

there indeed is a line that is best not to cross.

it’s such a shame that there is no way to help some people avoid the one thing that would save them, which is starting the divorce process.


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## Jimi007 (6 mo ago)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> OP is certainly allowed and should have opinion, doesn't need permission or
> to be allowed by any. That's silly.
> Why do you think not ??


Thats silly ? Read the comments


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## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

Jimi007 said:


> OP is not 100% wrong... *I've seen many 1st time posters chased away*. Unfortunately many here are TRIGGERED and PROJECT there own experiences and hurt onto the poster...
> 
> .Just read some of these comments.
> 
> ...


I agree with you. It’s unfortunate. 😔


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## Sfort (Sep 28, 2019)

A lot of people come here looking for the answer they want to hear. When they get the truth instead of their answer, they get pissed off and leave. Even those people will be helped by the honesty in the group. They heard the brutal truth at least once before they left. If the newbies don't take a little time to familiarize themselves with the posters here before they post, that's on him or her. It takes some time, but @minimalME (for example) did not get to over 9,000 posts overnight.


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## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

Sfort said:


> A lot of people come here looking for the answer they want to hear. When they get the truth instead of their answer, they get pissed off and leave. Even those people will be helped by the honesty in the group. They heard the brutal truth at least once before they left. If the newbies don't take a little time to familiarize themselves with the posters here before they post, that's on him or her. It takes some time, but @minimalME (for example) did not get to over 9,000 posts overnight.


No - it’s not the honesty. You can be very honest, yet be kind. You can say _whatever_ it is you want to say without mocking or insulting or belittling.

Telling people the truth is not the problem.

I’ve been quite shocked over the past few months by the things that people are writing. Some of it is flat out disgusting. And the attacks on one another are appalling - and 100% unnecessary.


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## CrapMan (7 mo ago)

minimalME said:


> No - it’s not the honesty. You can be very honest, yet be kind. You can say _whatever_ it is you want to say without mocking or insulting or belittling.
> 
> Telling people the truth is not the problem.
> 
> I’ve been quite shocked over the past few months by the things that people are writing. Some of it is flat out disgusting. And the attacks on one another are appalling - and 100% unnecessary.


Examples please


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## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

CrapMan said:


> Examples please


No. 🙂


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