# 50 shades of grey?



## firedog1 (Sep 17, 2012)

I just spend 3 days reading this crap. I do not see what my wife loved about this book. It is very degrading to women and mostly disgusting, unless you are INTO this bondage stuff. 
There is NO way in HELL my wife would ever let me treat her this way, even if I wanted to. 
Somebody tell me what I am missing!!!!!:scratchhead:


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

People have fantasies. Have you talked to her about it, what she liked and what she would want, if any of it, she would want to bring into your life?

Do you use any porn?


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

To be fair, I didn't read it but I've talked to many women who have. I don't think you have to like it but I think you would be doing your sex life a huge favor to atleast try to understand what exactly your W liked about it.

You don't have to tie her up and do degrading things to her, but I've come to understand that MANY women crave to be treated as an object of desire by the man they love and trust.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

I'm going to wait for the movie to come out.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

All of the women at work read it. The youngest said: "It was really quite poorly written. But I kept reading it because it made me think: 'what IS she going to do next?'"


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## StoneAngel (Oct 10, 2012)

It isn't what you are missing it is what you are fixated on. 

You are right it is crap, it is written poorly and completely unbelievable.

Did you read all three or just the first novel?

First, this book really isn't about bondage and dominance and sexual depravity.....although there are a couple of really graphic scenes in the first book....but even those scenes are not real or believable!

This book captivated masses of women because of it's complete soap-opera fantasy. The soap-opera gave women permission to fantasize, beyond that this triology quickly changes from sexual dominance to the "woman who could fix the broken damaged man"! 

This triology lasted and spread like wildfire among female readers not because of the sex.....because the sex quickly stops in book 2 and book 3....but because it tapped into this idiotic thing woman do....can "I" be enough? Will he love me enough to change? If I love him enough he will change for me and the melodrama inner struggle....blah blah blah. It makes me ashamed of my gender.

As a matter of sexual erotisim, I would bet big money that most women reading were aroused more by the way the lead male spoke during the explicit scenes, the confidence he had and they way each moment or deed was laid out verbally, then the butt plug and riding crop!
IMO the spoken sexual intimacy between the main characters was very erotic due to the anticipation of it.

Summary: Greys Content Stunk

However the positive from it was women started talking about sex, among themselves and even more important with their spouses!!!

If I took one thing away from it: I am almost 40 and I should be able to tell my H about what feels good, what I want to do to him, or what I want him to do to me.

BTW I read GREY's reluctantly, not out of interest, but because I wanted to find out what all the hype was about.


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## firedog1 (Sep 17, 2012)

She said it had nothing to do with her Sexting affair with a 25 year old. She is 56.
We have used everything in our 28 years of marriage, pictures, videos, roll playing, fantasy, flashing (her), even same room sex. She says the sexting was exciting but, she would NEVER Sext me like she did him. I sent her a picture of me like he did and she went through the roof!


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

the guy said:


> I'm going to wait for the movie to come out.


Someone already made it. And they got sued! Fifty Shades of Grey porn film hit with lawsuit - Story - Entertainment - 3 News


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## C-man (Oct 23, 2012)

Is there a WW who hasn't read Shades of Grey?

True story: We were on our family vacation in July/August and my stbxw had forgotten to bring her books. This was when we were in false R and clueless me thought things were going ok. Great vacation, we were re-connecting, got two bedrooms so the kids could be separate most places, life was good. So I downloaded the series on my stbxw's request onto my iPad. Tried reading the first one day at the beach, just couldn't. It was like I imagine a Harlequin Romance novel would be with a soft porn rating. Horrible. Back in the City, my stbxw goes out with her toxic friends, they introduce her to a guy (separated), she develops an infatuation and about 5 weeks later we're separated. 

I blame 50 Shades of Grey. :rofl:


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## firedog1 (Sep 17, 2012)

I am soon to have the first 50 shades DIVORCE in the county! Disgusting!


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## goodwife4 (Jan 7, 2013)

firedog1 said:


> She said it had nothing to do with her Sexting affair with a 25 year old. She is 56.
> We have used everything in our 28 years of marriage, pictures, videos, roll playing, fantasy, flashing (her), even same room sex. She says the sexting was exciting but, she would NEVER Sext me like she did him. I sent her a picture of me like he did and she went through the roof!


I have NEVER read the book, but i would be worried about sending pics via text these days in case someone else got it. i sent my hubby a pic of my breasts, down my top, couldnt see nipp but his boss was standing over him when he opened it ??.. oops... LOL ... ha ha ha

so i didnt send any more after that... but we used to send sexting to each other , it was fun..........

now ..... well thats another story


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## EI (Jun 12, 2012)

Cedarman said:


> Is there a WW who hasn't read Shades of Grey?


For what it's worth, I am a former Wayward Wife, currently 7 1/2 months into reconciliation with my husband, aka B1 on TAM, who has NOT read 50 Shades of Grey. Interestingly enough, the first two books in the trilogy are on my nightstand and have been for several months. I, honestly, don't remember whether they have been there since before D-Day or after. They were loaned to me by my sister-in-law (B1's single sister...... I know there must be some kind of irony to that.) They sat on my nightstand for months until our 25 y/o daughter, who is very happily married, borrowed them, read them and returned them to me. They are back on my nightstand still "waiting" for me to read them.

I'm not really sure what that says about me other than the fact that I never felt like I needed a book or anything else to stimulate me or give me any ideas as to what I wanted in the bedroom. I always knew exactly what I wanted. I wanted my husband to need, want and desire me. I was always the HD to his LD for the first 27 years of our marriage and nearly 30 years of our relationship. When very little sex became virtually no sex, along with a myriad of other issues in our relationship I began a 15 month EA/PA with an old love from my teen years. 

Again, we are 7 1/2 months into reconciliation. Low desire is no longer an issue for my husband. I am as high desire as I have always been. With that having been said, he is exhausting me. I think we could probably write the book ourselves!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## C-man (Oct 23, 2012)

EI - congrats on your R!


My question was facetious. I know not every WW has read the series. Just like not every WW has read Eat, Pray, Love. Or Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay. Oddly, my stbxw read ALL of them! 

Anyway, I don't think woman read 50 shades of grey for bedroom ideas. I think they read it for the thrill of the widespread acceptance of the contents. It's soft-porn for the masses. Plus, it was wildly popular. 

My hat's off to the author who will make a pile of money selling a trashy romance novel that really should have Fabio on the cover.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Its taken me 4 months to read about half of it. I dont know how many other books I have read in that time. It is so boring.


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## Kasler (Jul 20, 2012)

If I wanted to look at a collection of sh!t I'd spend my time in a transfer station restroom.


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## firedog1 (Sep 17, 2012)

Cedarman, you call that soft porn? 
If a woman reads it it is called a Romance Novel. It a man reads it is is called PORN and he is a PERVERTED, DIRTY OLD MAN. 
Yes, Amazon lists it as a Romance Novel! lol


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## Vanguard (Jul 27, 2011)

Kasler said:


> If I wanted to look at a collection of sh!t I'd spend my time in a transfer station restroom.


****ing Lol brother. You just made my day.


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## StoneAngel (Oct 10, 2012)

firedog1 said:


> Cedarman, you call that soft porn?
> If a woman reads it it is called a Romance Novel. It a man reads it is is called PORN and he is a PERVERTED, DIRTY OLD MAN.
> Yes, Amazon lists it as a Romance Novel! lol


I am not a supporter of this trilogy or other writings of erotica but i am curious about all your disgust. Would this happen to be a bit of a double standard?
People don't watch porn for it's plot and written screenplay. It is crap and yet widely accepted. In fact in many circles the Dirtier the porn the better and women are required in many circles to accept it as a man's nature and given right.

Greys is the first book of it's kind to have had mass appeal among women. It is certainly no worse then the multi-million (perhaps multi-billion) dollar sex industry. I am not sure what revolts you so badly?
If your true feelings are akin to many of the feelings women feel in regard to Porn, (the inability to compare, rejection, etc)that is the discussion to have, not an editorial about a terribly written book.


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## EI (Jun 12, 2012)

Cedarman said:


> EI - congrats on your R!
> 
> 
> My question was facetious. I know not every WW has read the series. Just like not every WW has read Eat, Pray, Love. Or Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay. Oddly, my stbxw read ALL of them!
> ...


Thank you very much for the congrats. Like everyone, our story is very long with many twists and turns and could not be summed up in one simple post so I didn't even begin to try. Our marital issues were about much more than sex. B1 and I are lying on the sofa, together, at this very moment...... both logged into TAM. We just finished talking...... marveling at how we truly are experiencing real happiness, real joy, real purpose and real hope in our marriage for the first time in many, many years. But, we are experiencing a love like we have never felt before. It is possible, I know, because it is happening to us. 

BTW: My sister-in-law also loaned me the book "Eat, Pray, Love." I think it is lying on the side of my bath tub. I've never read that one either! The 3rd book you mentioned..... I've never even heard of.

Take Care,
~EI
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## C-man (Oct 23, 2012)

EI said:


> Thank you very much for the congrats. Like everyone, our story is very long with many twists and turns and could not be summed up in one simple post so I didn't even begin to try. Our marital issues were about much more than sex. B1 and I are lying on the sofa, together, at this very moment...... both logged into TAM. We just finished talking...... marveling at how we truly are experiencing real happiness, real joy, real purpose and real hope in our marriage for the first time in many, many years. But, we are experiencing a love like we have never felt before. It is possible, I know, because it is happening to us.
> 
> BTW: My sister-in-law also loaned me the book "Eat, Pray, Love." I think it is lying on the side of my bath tub. I've never read that one either! The 3rd book you mentioned..... I've never even heard of.
> 
> ...



Tell your husband to burn "Eat, Pray Love" That book is evil to husbands world wide. 

Seriously though - congratulations on your R. I DO believe that marriages can recover from almost anything provided BOTH partners are willing to do the work.


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## C-man (Oct 23, 2012)

Anyway, I've had a long day, so going to turn in. Wanted some feedback on something from the ladies though.

Given the incredible popularity of this trilogy, and given that I am 53, coming off of a long-term (27 year - 25 married) relationship and about to re-enter the dating scene, wanted to get some feedback on a pickup line related to this thread.

Ladies - feedback requested:


ME: "Have you read 50 shades of Grey?"

Her (young and beautiful, of course - with NO wedding ring): "I looooooooooved it! I loooove 50 shades of Grey"

ME: "Well, if you love 50 shades of grey, you should take a close look at my pubic hair"


Yes, I'm here all week folks.... Try the veal...


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## StoneAngel (Oct 10, 2012)

Cedarman said:


> Anyway, I've had a long day, so going to turn in. Wanted some feedback on something from the ladies though.
> 
> Given the incredible popularity of this trilogy, and given that I am 53, coming off of a long-term (27 year - 25 married) relationship and about to re-enter the dating scene, wanted to get some feedback on a pickup line related to this thread.
> 
> ...


:rofl::rofl::rofl:
You should check out the parady "50 Shames of Earl Grey"

Goodnight Cedarman!


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Yeah, eat, pray, love an total piece of crap that just feeds the entitlement gene. Summary: even if you love your guy, you can't e happy if you don't run away, indulge yourself totally and then cheat. Make sure to dump worthless husband who as been holding you back from blossoming, but do no worry, rich hunky foreign guy who under stands and accepts you like no other will take care of all you sexual needs.

Total indulgent pile of garbage


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Cedarman said:


> Is there a WW who hasn't read Shades of Grey?


I, like EI, am a fWW who has not opened the books. I have them on my kindle.... "borrowed" from a friend. :rofl:
But I have yet to read even one paragraph of one.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

firedog1 said:


> Cedarman, you call that soft porn?
> If a woman reads it it is called a Romance Novel. It a man reads it is is called PORN and he is a PERVERTED, DIRTY OLD MAN.
> Yes, Amazon lists it as a Romance Novel! lol


I've read romance novels. Specifically, I have 50 Harlequin novels on a shelf here at home. NOT ONE is anywhere NEAR sexually explicit, nor is there any BDSM or anything like it in them. The 50 I have are by Janet Daily and they are her "Americana" collection... one set in each of the 50 states. I was introduced to them by my grandmother, before she passed away when I was 15. My husband knows I have these books. My husband knows WHY I have the set. It is a cherished memory of my grandmother. He has no problem with them. Now, oddly enough, he would have no issue with me READING romance novels. But if I wanted to watch Soap Operas, that would get a "no way!" from him. 

Don't get me wrong. Years ago, before I met him, I used to read even the explicit novels. Still did nothing for me. I liked the storylines to them, tbh. Meh, I have no interest in those anymore. Don't care to read sexually explicit. My only reason for getting 50 Shades in the first place is to see wtf the fuss is about.


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## The Cro-Magnon (Sep 30, 2012)

Cedarman said:


> Tell your husband to burn "Eat, Pray Love" That book is evil to husbands world wide.


An amusing-because-it-is-true review of the movie

The Expendables; Scott Pilgrim vs. The World; Eat Pray Love


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## EI (Jun 12, 2012)

Cedarman said:


> Anyway, I've had a long day, so going to turn in. Wanted some feedback on something from the ladies though.
> 
> Given the incredible popularity of this trilogy, and given that I am 53, coming off of a long-term (27 year - 25 married) relationship and about to re-enter the dating scene, wanted to get some feedback on a pickup line related to this thread.
> 
> ...


No, no, no........ LOL! Skip that pickup line..... It's late tonight, so I'll sleep on it and get back to you tomorrow with some ideas. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## PreRaphaelite (Dec 15, 2012)

I'm not into upper middle-class housewife fantasies. I want the real stuff. I'll take Marquis de Sade over 50 Shades of Earl Gray any day.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

The Cro-Magnon said:


> An amusing-because-it-is-true review of the movie
> 
> The Expendables; Scott Pilgrim vs. The World; Eat Pray Love


haha, that is one of the best movie reviews I've read. I even watched the movie, didn't really "mind" it but didn't really care for it. Actually come to think of it, I think that was the last movie my ex and I ever sat down and watched together, never dawned on me until just reading this thread that this movie was another influence in her choice to walk, and looking back I'm sure it did give her one more fantastical idea of how much more meaningful her life would be by putting our marriage in the past.


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## See_Listen_Love (Jun 28, 2012)

firedog1 said:


> I just spend 3 days reading this crap. I do not see what my wife loved about this book. It is very degrading to women and mostly disgusting, unless you are INTO this bondage stuff.
> There is NO way in HELL my wife would ever let me treat her this way, even if I wanted to.
> Somebody tell me what I am missing!!!!!:scratchhead:


Eh...you are missing something that your wife would like to have: better sex!

Now serious, if you don't pick up something from this situation you have to remove your blindfold and become sensitive to your wife's needs.
But from your reaction I get that you don't react to sexual stimulation like most men would. So maybe the problem is a libido problem on your side?


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

If the Shades of Grey trilogy is as popular amongst women as they say it is, then I would fastly expect the future movie rights to be a hot dollar item.

It will probably end up being a "soft porn" film from a major Hollywood Studio, or if the dollars are there, an X-rated, real porno escapade made for the art cinema and the DVD market.

In any event, I wouldn't exactly look for any renowned actors or actresses to be in it, nor any Oscar or Golden Globe nominations; or even for that matter, the retail DVD of such being displayed for sale at your local WalMart store!


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## LetDownNTX (Oct 4, 2012)

Im enjoying reading everyones response, even started to not respond because of all the bashing BUT....I just had to say that I really enjoyed the books. Call it a desperate housewife thing but I enjoyed them. I didnt care at all about the detailed sex on every page, after the first two or three encounters I literally skipped most of the sex scenes. What I found enjoyable about it was his love for her. Here he was this "master" who only wanted her to obey him and she would not totally succumb to him, so he started changing his ways because he fell in love with her. Its was the love story that I liked, how much he was willing to do for her, that he protected her and watched after her.


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## Vanguard (Jul 27, 2011)

In terms of actual rhetoric it's very poorly constructed. 

So of course it's going to be popular.


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## RClawson (Sep 19, 2011)

Ok that movie review of Eat, Stray, Lust was quite funny.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

RClawson said:


> Ok that movie review of Eat, Stray, Lust was quite funny.


*I'm taking it that they gave it two :smthumbup: thumbs up?*


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## martyc47 (Oct 20, 2011)

firedog1 said:


> I just spend 3 days reading this crap. I do not see what my wife loved about this book. It is very degrading to women and mostly disgusting, unless you are INTO this bondage stuff.
> There is NO way in HELL my wife would ever let me treat her this way, even if I wanted to.
> Somebody tell me what I am missing!!!!!:scratchhead:


It's crap, BUT..

A lot of women like to be "dominated" in some way- it doesn't have to be S&M, and there are ways this is done that are not taken as degrading.

Also, the problem with us guys saying/thinking " She would never let ME do that type of stuff, but she will do it with him/them" comes from the fact that we usually don't catch on and consider this until after the infidelity comes. Well, at that point of course the wife doesn't want us to do that stuff because she's past the point of wanting us. The time to do it would have been before she lost attraction.

And finding sex acts revolting can be a good way to lose attraction. I don't want to cross any sort of lines for sex talk in this forum, so I will just say in my experience there are certain things that can be a turn on that "nice guys" might be a little reluctant to explore, and failing to explore and/or failing little tests can be a huge turnoff for the wife.


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## martyc47 (Oct 20, 2011)

Shaggy said:


> Yeah, eat, pray, love an total piece of crap that just feeds the entitlement gene. Summary: even if you love your guy, you can't e happy if you don't run away, indulge yourself totally and then cheat. Make sure to dump worthless husband who as been holding you back from blossoming, but do no worry, rich hunky foreign guy who under stands and accepts you like no other will take care of all you sexual needs.
> 
> Total indulgent pile of garbage


If you know anything about the real lives of the characters of the movie, it makes it even more satisfying having the opinion that it's a completely self-indulgent piece of crap marketed to delusional losers.


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## C-man (Oct 23, 2012)

I wonder if Grecian formula will rid me of my 50 shades of grey?


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## StoneAngel (Oct 10, 2012)

Cedarman said:


> I wonder if Grecian formula will rid me of my 50 shades of grey?


Many women love the grey in many different shades .....so I say be rid of the Grecian!

Oh you can just burn the book


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## PurpleLion (Jan 15, 2013)

My husband suggested that I read 50 Shades of Grey because he was hearing a lot about it. However, when I went to Amazon and read the reviews about the crappy writing and the degradation to women, I decided to pass. 

I'm not opposed to reading good erotica.


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## Numbersixxx (Oct 10, 2012)

Blah, just recently I was having a conversation with a group of my longtime female acquaintances. Of course they were talking about this book... And Twilight. They are all in their mid-twenties, btw. The thing is that they make fun of me for still liking comic books and mangas, as they are only for children. I tried to explain to them how there is infinitely more complexity and intellectual effort in terms of story structure, characters development, emotional involvement and overall massage in a comic like Watchmen (sorry for the obvious choice) or an epic tale like Berserk, than in the trash they are reading. Not successful.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## firedog1 (Sep 17, 2012)

We had a very active and exciting sex life. I did EVERY thing for HER! I do mean EVERYTHING! I do find it disgusting and degrading to treat a woman the way she was treated in MOST of the book. 
The MOST disgusting thing is the fact that she would give up everything we have worked for, for 28 years. Not counting the fact that she has trashed her reputation in a small town because of this. I didn't trash it, they did! All because of this POS book!


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

I was bothered by the divorce in Eat, Pray, Love. It made me wonder if there were details that she couldn't share due to their divorce agreement. She seemed really shallow and self centered.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## See_Listen_Love (Jun 28, 2012)

I am afraid men are to rude to understand women, and to see what they really experience as sexually liberating in these books. 

These books are creating a new sexual revolution, and this one is not about sex, but about erotics.


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## east2west (Oct 19, 2012)

Ok I'm going to have to read these books now.

Anything that generates this much controversy must be worth reading.


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## Farmer_J (Jan 15, 2013)

My WW got into the series b/c of her coworkers (nurses).
That progressed to reading other novels of erotica.

I havent read the 50 shades series, but I have read passages of the other erotica novels my WW has. 

All I can say, this category of literature is parallel with porn.
Women read these novels & men watch porn. Same difference to me. 
Women get off on the emotional side & imagining the scenes in the novels. Men are naturally visual by nature, so the emphasis is on those aspects in porn.

In the case of the novels that I read briefly, the male characters seem to need help from the heroines. They are lost souls that need a woman to guide them or fix them. They are fixated on the female character & find her utterly irresistible.

My WW likes the kind that is fantasy erotica...vampires, etc.

I won't even go into all what they say. Some use mild language & others use language only a sailor would like.

I guess if you don't mind your wife reading these sorts of novels, then they shouldnt mind you watching porn. 

Either way, I do believe it sets the other up for disappointment & maybe unrealistic expectations......their spouse can never live up to nor compete with what these novels or porn can deliver.


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## StoneAngel (Oct 10, 2012)

It is the same if the television screen is black, there is no sound other than the voice of a narrator depicting the scene.


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