# Why do we suffer most?(the one that who got dumped)



## Separated79 (May 28, 2011)

Hello to all of members here.I have found this site about two weeks ago same time as me and my husband separated.I was looking for some same situation as what i am going through and this lead me to this great site,it help me a lot and it make me feel ,i am not alone in this situation. I have been reading loads of thread in same way and one thing i notice really, is why do we suffer most the one who got dumped by our wife/husband.In my case,we got separated because of my frustration the way he treats me,being taken for granted and unappreciated.I have done so much to please him and i feel like i have been a very good wife(i work,look after the house and our child let him do what he likes when it comes to sex i can say ive done whatever he wants).I keep telling him about the way he is to me and it becomes my frustration because, he just ignored it,and never cared.I just hate the fact that you don't get any consideration for what you have done. I had a moment were i almost wanting to leave but, my reason for staying is our 3 years old son,I can't bear to think that he is going to have a broken family but, he then gained more confident that i can't do it. Until i had it when i had the day(meltdown) were i can't stand it anymore and yell at him to just go away,and then he did,(sigh). I wanted it to happen but then now i got scared and panicked. I ask and begged him to stay and not to go and promised that im gonna be better wife and stop nagging at him, to let him do what he wants to or just stay for our kid. But he still went off to his parents.He's quit his job,I quit my job,he's stayed for another week to finish his last week of work,then after that he just left everything to me,what hurts the most is that when i looked back to what had happen before,i just felt that everything i have done was not good enough for him. I can take the pain if we decide to separate/divorce but, i can't either live or be with someone who doesn't care about me or no longer in love with me.
Every plan for this year i have for us is all down the drain,and still i regret what i did,(sigh). I hate the fact that i have to go through all this pain when i know somehow that i have been a good wife to him aside from nagging and fighting for some affection from him,it's easy for him to go as he had a family around to run to and as for me i don't have. I just wish that i can overcome all this emotion and just want to focus on my son,and for that. I can say that the person who's left is the person who really care least in the relationship.The want who wants the easy way out and wanting to only stick around when things are ok but when it's not does'nt want to make things work out. I personally believe that only love can really make couple stay together,whatever that means ,either it's a choice or anything,i know it's not good to hate the person you once love but i find it selfish. The person who has turn their back on their wife/husband.


I wish all of the wife/husband who got dumped/the one got left behind to stay strong and move forward,focus on your self,kids and for the future,and stick to the real meaning of love.(If you love the person, set him/her free and if he/she comes back then it's meant to be).

Don't be afraid to lose the one who has gone because, you can always start from somewhere and never do same mistake again....


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## notreadytoquit (Jan 11, 2010)

I know you are upset but can you please break out your posts with actual sentences and periods because I cannot even follow what you are saying.


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## staircase (May 16, 2011)

Ha, I thought it was just me but I can empathize. When you're that upset a wall of text comes pouring out.

Separated you are not alone. I was in a similar marriage. My soon to be ex was verbally abusive and steamrolled me all the time. I basically lived in fear he would leave me which he eventually did the other week. No one can understand why I am hurting so much. All they see is this person is no longer around berating me.


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## Separated79 (May 28, 2011)

notreadytoquit said:


> I know you are upset but can you please break out your posts with actual sentences and periods because I cannot even follow what you are saying.


Is that better now?sorry i guess i was ranting.:scratchhead:


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## Separated79 (May 28, 2011)

staircase said:


> Ha, I thought it was just me but I can empathize. When you're that upset a wall of text comes pouring out.
> 
> Separated you are not alone. I was in a similar marriage. My soon to be ex was verbally abusive and steamrolled me all the time. I basically lived in fear he would leave me which he eventually did the other week. No one can understand why I am hurting so much. All they see is this person is no longer around berating me.


Why don't we do the opposite? Like if we did everything we could to get them back,why not do the things that we always wanted to do while we were with them. I know it's tough but TIME heals all wounds they said.Let's not get the emotion win over the head.If we dwell on our emotion it always put us down but, if we follow our mind im sure were gonna be doing fine!


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

As a dumped spouse, I can relate to your question. For me it's simple. I felt inferior and second best. And it has taken a couple of years in counseling for my self-esteem to recover. Only now can I see it was never about me.


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## baseballmom (May 1, 2011)

IMO in my situation I have been with my H for 10 years and he is the one wanting the divorce and I am devastated!! But then again we were highschool sweethearts and I think of it as him being all I know... So in my mind I know that time will heal and I will move on and eventually I will meet someone else who will treat me the way I deserve to be treated but right now it hurts like hell and I don't know how I will ever survive without him. I know he will always be in my life because our kids but I just have to keep thinking to myself that right now I might be hurting and thinking how am I going to survive and make it on my own but in the end I will be stronger!!


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## DelinquentGurl (Mar 25, 2011)

You will be stronger in the end, and eventually the pain will ease, it just takes time.
It stinks because more than anything we don't want to feel any pain.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Anyone who gets dumped feels rejected. Rejection hurts and makes the break up 10x worse than for the one who decided they were done.

It's human nature to feel horrible if you're dumped.


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## Separated79 (May 28, 2011)

I guess it's because we keep to be loyal and devoted to that person,when we could have a least go out and interact with different human beings,i guess it's ok to get to know somebody aside from your ex husband or wife just but not to fall for them there is a movie that i like watching "Must love Dogs"it is life after divorce.

It say's positive energy attract positive things and negative energy attracts negative things...I learn it the hard way.

When we lose someone or something in our life count it as a blessing,because it teaches us to appreciate whats is left.

Make loads of FRIENDS!!!!they are great!

Do your best to distract your emotion and just think about this that it's better that you got separated than him/her dying at least you still get the chance to see him than not to see him ever.....


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