# Married 2 years and not happy...what can I do?



## squee (Mar 20, 2010)

My husband and I got married when I was a few weeks away from 19. He's 5 years older than me and was in the Marine Corps when we got together. In the beginning, our marriage was great but after we decided to get pregnant things started going downhill. I continued to work for three months during my pregnancy, but due to several complications I had to leave. It was a minimum wage job and only the second job I've ever had. I have no real experience or schooling other than high school. After a month of being unemployed my husband started to nag me about finding a job. Despite my pains and worries, I looked for work with zero luck. Because of my husband's previous marriage and subsequent divorce our finances were a mess. His credit is terrible and I have never built up credit so getting an apartment was almost impossible. Our finances only got worse. I learned, about 6 months into the marriage, that my husband is a hard core gamer. He spends hours upon hours playing sometimes not sleeping at night just to play. I felt like I was slowly being pushed away and replaced by his games. I thought things would be different after my daughter was born, but nothing changed and if they did, it was for the worst. Because of his time in the military he also suffers from PTSD and depression, but never talks about anything with me. He was seeing a counselor, but I was unaware of this for months because of his lack of communication. Things were tough after my daughter was born and I felt like I was doing EVERYTHING. I was getting up for night feedings, changing all the diapers, bathing, doing laundry and everything else she needed. But that wasn't all. While he was at work, I was also taking care of our two cats, cleaning our room, cooking, doing our laundry (by hand) and any other household chores that came up. I felt like I was working a 24 hour job, but I never got any kind of appreciation for everything I did. Instead, I got more of him nagging about me going back to work. Having only one car and no money for a phone, finding work was extremely hard. It took me over a year just to get an interview and by that time, I learned that I was pregnant again despite having been on birth control. My husband is currently out of the military and working part-time at pizza hut. This is currently our only income. I'm now almost 6 months pregnant and still looking for work. I am very depressed, because over the last few months I've begun to feel more and more like a nanny/maid and less and less like a wife. I do all the house work and get no recognition or understanding for all that I do. My husband makes enough money to feed us for a month, but that's about it. He spends money on smokes and games and doesn't care that I have sold ALL of my possessions just to keep us above water. I have no clothes of my own and shoes that are falling apart. I'm doing everything I can to provide for my daughter, but I feel so helpless. I've had to set us up with health insurance and WIC appointments all by myself. I take the bus and always have to take my 1 year old with me because I don't feel like she'd get the attention she needs if I left her with my husband. He's always glued to his computer and seems so detached from the world. I've asked him several times to get the car looked at so we can make appointments for temporary government assistance, but he always makes some kind of BS excuse and it usually revolves around his games. Because of all the stress and having been through a pregnancy my sex drive is almost nonexistent and my husband doesn't understand this at all. He's constantly complaining and making jokes but he doesn't see that at the end of the day, I barely have enough energy to feed myself let alone worry about his physical pleasures. I'm starting to resent my husband and wondering if leaving him is what's best for me and my kids. He never wants to talk about anything and doesn't seem to care. I'm completely lost and devastated. I can't believe that after only 2 years of marriage, I'm already miserable. I don't know what to do. I'm not even 21 and already contemplating divorce. We have no money or insurance for counseling and even if we did I highly doubt he'd agree to go. What do I do? Can our marriage be saved? Can we be happy again?


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## HappyHer (Nov 12, 2009)

I would say at this point, work on getting your life together on your terms. If that involves him, fine, if not, move on. Why only a part time job at Pizza Hut?

Get yourself into family services and also find out where you can apply for grants for school. Go to Catholic Charities - you would be amazed at the services they offer to help people get on their feet.

Set some boundaries with your husband. It sounds as if he's not dealing with his personal issues very well in order to be the best husband/father possible. If he won't start working things out, then have him get out.

I'm sorry if that sounds harsh, but it sounds like some major changes need to be made.


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