# Head Pickled



## 964238 (Jun 22, 2016)

I thought I was a happily married man of 14 years with 4 kids. Life is demanding but we do ok. My family all went out to a local festival and had a good day. My wife and I had plenty to drink but at about 10PM I decided it was too late for kids to be out. My wife refused to come the short walking distance home with me and I went home with kids. I thought nothing more of it as I trusted her and there were mutual friends still there. I got home and fell asleep. I did not walk up until my wife came up to bed at 4AM. I asked where she had been and she stated with some mutual friends, which I thought nothing more of. I then got up in morning and went to get some of our things we had left and bumped into the husband of the couple who my wife said she was with and he stated he had left her at around 23.00. All of our friends had gone at that point. I challenged my wife and she stated she had gone back to a mans house and there were other people there and named one. This quickly changed and she stated that she had been at a males house who she knew from school. She went onto say that when the event closed she had gone into a shelter were we had booze to get another drink. This male came in behind he and they had a drink before he said there were people going back to his. My wife states she was so drunk she struggles to remember what happened next but admits she was 'overly flirting'. I now know this male and he is a friend of a friend who was hanging about all day. He is also a serial womaniser. My wife then states the next thing she remembers is being at this males house having a drink and dancing in the kitchen. Nobody else turned up. At some point he has gone to kiss her and she refused and he said "YOU DONT WANT TO?". My wife then states she left struggling to work out how to as door locked. I managed to establish she actually got to his house for midnight and home at 2.30 but did not come up to bed until 4. This man was married with children and his family were away for the night. I was really not happy and asked question after question. My wife stated that was so drunk she does not really remember what happened but 'would know' if they had had sex. I cannot fathom what they had to talk about for 2- 2/12hrs and she cannot answer it. I have tried my best to believe that she would not have cheated and she has been very remorseful and upset herself. I feel it became more about damage limitation to her reputation. The only thing I can be 100% sure of is that she would not tell me if she had. This male was challenged and I gave him the opportunity to tell me if he had sex with her and it would stay between us and I would not tell his wife. He stated they had a drink and he realised he had a very drunk woman in his house and asked her to leave. I opted not to tell his wife fearing that she would come to my house or tell people and it would look bad on my wife. I have tried and tried to rationalise it all but I can't, these are the main reasons: 
1. Flirting happens but why go back to his house? 
2. Why at no point phone me or check on kids? 
3. She almost had to walk past our house to get to his? 
4. Why did she stay when clear nobody coming back? 
5. If all friends gone, who did she think would be coming back? 
6. What the hell would she have been doing for over 2 hrs?
These are eating away at my head, I can't sleep, I can't focus. This woman is everything to me and this has ruined everything, I just don't see her the same. 
I get to the point where I believe her, and I really want to as I do love her but then I end up back at square one. I have cut out the drink as was making me angry. I just can't seem to sort it in my head. On paper it is a textbook one night stand. I want to believe her but her inability to remember enough detail and the initial lies is undermining it all. Her drunken memory just seems too selective. She says she loves me, she says she did not find him attractive (doubtful and she states she would never cheat on me. I would like to add that I have not let myself go, I am in very good shape for my age.
Do you think she had sex with this man but consequences to marriage and reputation too great for her to admit to it? 
Can this really be put down to a mixture of drunken naivety? 

Please also note that I am from the UK. We don't do therapy and we do drink alcohol!


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## Luvher4life (Jan 15, 2016)

My initial inclination after reading the story is YES, she had sex with him, and no amount of coaxing her will make her admit it. She knows she did, and felt it was "out of character" for her to do so. She's blaming it on the alcohol, but deep down she knows she may have ruined the best thing about her life, especially if she admits it.

As for what to do about it, I can't instruct you on that. Alcohol alters reality, and can make people do stupid stuff they wouldn't ordinarily do.

If I were you, I would follow my gut. You know something happened. You just don't want to believe it because of how it will affect your marriage. Guess what? It already is.


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## Bananapeel (May 4, 2015)

She probably cheated and is using the alcohol as an excuse to say she doesn't remember. A ONS is hard to prove unless you get an admission. You could try to coerce one by asking for a lie detector test, or possibly save her panties and tell her you are sending them in to a lab for semen testing and see how she reacts. Or you could just rug sweep it and pretend it didn't happen. I'd also have her give up drinking at this point because you can't trust her to know boundaries when she's drunk.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

OM W should be told. OM knew what he was up to with your W who was, as told, drunk. Do you really think OM was going to tell you the truth?


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Threaten a polygraph. She seems to remember a lot for someone who cant remember....


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## knobcreek (Nov 18, 2015)

Oh yeah they banged, sorry dude, no way she didn't have sex with this guy. She lied multiple times about the story, he lied as the timeline did not add up at all, it doesn't take 2 1/2 hours to realize he has a drunk woman in his house.

She screwed him, even without admission you have enough to ask for a separation and seek a divorce anyway IMO.

Don't run-sweep it, she'll just do it again, and again, and again until you stop rug-sweeping it.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

I am surprised you did not confront the other man that is the first thing i would have done....this si your wife and your life after all.


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## MyTurn (Oct 27, 2013)

Sorry you are here my friend.
First ,you are in denial.You know that she remembers everything that happened .Also being drunk doesn't make
you do things you do not want to do ,it helps to lower your guard and be more willing.

She is lying, that's why here story changes every time you find out more info.

If I were in your shoes, I'd sit her down and tell her that you feel betrayed by her on the biggest level.she
flirted with another man and went to his house. That, for you, is game over for your marriage.she send a big and loud
message to YOU(SOMETHING LIKE A BIG F**K YOU) and your marriage( that it isn't worth sh!t for her).
What happened after that (if they f*cked,kissed ,maked out,played tetris or whatever) is irrelevant at this point.YOUR marriage as you know it is dead. finito.
Also tell her that you know she is lying to you about what actually happened for whatever reason(out of fear,to spare you the pain ,to save face)but that ,not only is helping her case ,it's also putting the last nail in the coffin.
tell her you are giving her the chance to come clean in writing until the end of the day(or the next day it,s up to you how long but not too long) so you can take it in consideration. If not then the answer is divorce .
After the talk, no more talking ,you do the 180 to start detaching .
If she really is remorseful , she will be 100% transparent,truthful and begging for another chance.If not you will know it right away,so you know where you stand.Better sooner than later.
Be strong and bold,you need it for you and your family .


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