# Do I Give Up ?



## Glencoe (Feb 3, 2014)

Where do I start ?

I have been married since 1999 and have two children, a son (8) and daughter (4). I am 50 years old this year, retired and doing part time work just to get a few extra pounds into this house.

My wife is five years my junior and has stress and depression for well over two years now. She refuses to talk to anyone to get help.
My wife’s day consists of getting up late morning early afternoon most of the time, sitting in an armchair & playing games on Facebook until the early hours of the morning when she finally goes to bed. She has no teeth, but refuses to wear the dentures, she got in September 2013, she has put on weight as she doesn’t eat anything except “Starburst” sweets and I cannot remember the last time she washed herself.
Worst of all, she has not done anything with the kids for a very long time, she huffs and puffs if they ask anything of her or shouts at them if they “get on her nerves”. Both of my children have spoken to me about “Mummy” and I cannot trust her to get up and get the kids ready for the school during the week, if I am working, or supervise them over the weekend, if I am not around. Yesterday (Saturday) was a prime example as was last Thursday, but I will not go into that, nor that the state of the house I live in, is a pig-sty.

I have spoken to my wife three times this year so far about her “problems” but the chat obviously goes in one ear. I have forgotten how many times last year.

Today, I discovered my wife has lied to me and albeit it may appear stupid, it has cut me to the quick and it hurts. We both smoke, but under our current financial climate, we struggle to pay the bills and put food on our children’s plate. All my money goes on such things, albeit we still struggle. My wife is unemployed and gets benefit and money from her Mum. I cannot see my wife returning to employment in any time soon even though she is well aware of the situation.
Anyway, about an hour ago, she “slipped” out of the house. When she returned I asked her where she had gone, only to be told that she had bought a packet of sweets because of the taste in her mouth. I then went to give me daughter a cuddle and saw three packets of cigarettes in my wife’s laptop case. I confronted her about her lie. She apologised, but just logged onto her laptop and started playing games, whilst I stood there. That is almost £20 she has spent when we need food for the children. She has lied to me and thought only of herself.

Now here is my dilemma’s

1)	I cannot afford Child Support, should I leave etc
2)	I cannot afford to live elsewhere
3)	My wife refuses to go to her Mothers (even though I have suggested it as a “break”)
4)	I cannot leave my children in the care of someone, I cannot trust to look after them, or whom I feel is incapable of looking after them
5)	I have no other family to turn to
6)	My son is Special Needs (he has Asperger’s Syndrome), so I need to be near to his school.

Saying all that, I don’t know if I love my wife anymore, I certainly do not find her weight gain, lack of teeth and personal hygiene attractive.

I am fed up doing everything in this house, housework wise, work wise, children wise etc and fighting a losing battle.

More so, I am fed up with this life and if it was not for my two children, I know I would not be here now, married.

So, Do I give up? If I do, I CANNOT leave my kids here, but I have nowhere to go.


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## daveduck (Feb 4, 2014)

Hey Glencoe,

Yes buddy I would give up. I am not in a position to say much as I am not married and am only 29. 
BUT I work in construction and there are so many men who have left their wives and have their kids. 
They tell me, I may be struggling with financial issues but we are not meant to be unhappy our whole lives with a partner who isnt a "partner".


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Why are you retired if you're 50 and don't have money? 

Sorry, it seems like you've preemptively eliminated any options, so I've got nothing. Your wife has no incentive to change, because she knows she's got you where she wants you. And her mom enables her actions, so you can't even cut her off of disposable income. So unless you can find the guts to divorce her and kick her out (and then get a full-time job and find child-care), it seems like you're tough outta luck.

Are there any support resources for you son through social services or anything?

C


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## Glencoe (Feb 3, 2014)

That for the replies.

As to why I am 50 and retired .... Best laid plans fall to ---- !!

I worked in the same job from 1983 and in January 2013, with 30 years service, I was told I had to retire. I was quoted a monthly pension, but what I actually get is £300 less than what I was quoted due to my age.

Oh well ! What a rotten life !


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Glencoe said:


> That for the replies.
> 
> As to why I am 50 and retired .... Best laid plans fall to ---- !!
> 
> ...


So how does this stop you from finding a full time job? Even if it's not in your field, you should be able to make that up. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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