# Please help me... I dont want this marriage to fail



## mcwhorter (Jul 26, 2009)

Grab some popcorn..... this is a long story. I am 21 years old and on my second marriage. I first got married to the star football player at 16 years old, he cheated on me constantly finally kicked me out six months after saying our vows. I was lost and no where to go.... I started drinking heavily and hanging out with all my old friends. I ran into my now husband Feb 2006. I have known him since I was eleven, we hit it off and started dating. I finally was able to get a divorce after I had been dating my now husband for six months, because I had to wait on my divorce til I was eighteen. My divorce finalized in Sept 2006, I married my now husband December 2006. We were so in love, however we are complete opposite. He traveled for a living so I never saw him much, untiil last year when he got a new job. I was pregnant last April with twins, they stopped developing, it was very hard on both of us. So he got a new job where he is home every night. Since he got this new job he has developed a drug habbit with pot. I dont see the harm in pot every now and then and at first I didnt mind it. But now if he doesnt have it he turns into a raging maniac. Once he gets some he is fine. Everytime I try to tell him I think it has gotten out of control he shuts me out, he hates confrintation. He also doesnt like spending time with my family. I live about 3 miles from my mom, she is my best friend. She loves for us to come over and have dinner, but he hates it and will hardly ever go. I always have to make excuses for him and lie to my mom so she doesnt get her feelings hurt, she loves him so much. I am a supervisor of a medical office, it gets stressful. When I get off work I have to make sure he has cigerettes, come home clean, cook, feed the dogs, do laundry, clean up dinner..... all while he sits on the couch playing video games or watching tv............. I even take him his dinner to the couch and pick it up! I can barely get him to do anything around the house, half the time I have to mow or his dad comes over and does it. Dont get me wrong, he works very hard at his job, his job is stressful mentally and physically, but I am getting tired of doing everything myself. He couldnt even tell you how much his last paycheck was for, it just goes in the account I give him money and I pay all the bills. When I ask him to help me he says ok tomorrow. Tomorrow comes and I ask him again, everytime I get this HUGE speech of how hard his job is on him physically and I dont know what its like because I sit in an office all day long, and by the time he gets off work he is soooooo wore out!! UGH! I just want a little help. All this didnt use to bother me so much beacuse of how he made me feel. He made me feel so special and beautiful. He use to buy me surprises and hide them all over the house... like in my makeup bag so when I got ready in the morning I would find new diamond earrings, I would go to the toaster to make breakfast and there was the matching necklace, around the steering wheel of my SUV was the bracelet. But he has just forgotten how to do anything over the years. He forgot where the cups are in the kitchen or where his new razors are put, he forgot how to start the lawnmower apprantly, and worse of all he forgot how to make me feel wonderful. And like I said earlier he hates confrintation so I cant talk to him about it, he just shuts me out........ HELP!


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## DeniseK (Jun 25, 2009)

OmG....sounds a lot like my stbx hubby. I just recently was able to call him my soon to be X.....

Well....nip it in the bud...(pun intended). Everyone has the right in this country to live as they please...but you don't have to live in that situation. Drug abuse rarely ever gets better all by itself and sometimes can lead to harder drugs. Mine played video games and ignored me and the kids and the house and the yard and anything that didn't matter to him

It could be depression in him....over the loss of your twins....men handle things differently than women...sometimes drawing inward. BUT...he still needs help because it isn't healthy. Not for you or him.

Shutting you out is the number one killer in your marriage. The more he shuts you out....the less likely you can fix this. I wish there was a magic pill for that...but there isn't. He needs help. And you do too. You probably haven't had a lot of suport for your end of the loss either. Maybe you should try to talk to him about the loss of your twins....see if he opens up. 

Ask him if he wants to be have a happy relationship. If this doesn't work...then you might need to try seeing a counselor yourself .....does his family suport his drug use? Do they realize what a downward spiral he seems to be in? That doesn't mean that you aren't the one suffering....but he sounds pretty sad....forgetting things..that could be the drugs or depression. Probably linked in more ways than one.

Does that mean you should just let him get away with it. NO. It's not healthy behavior...so you should try to confront him...and see if he family will help. Are you religious? Sometimes there are programs where you can get help through your church.

Bless you and I really hope you can get him some help. If not...then you have to think about some "tough love"......think about it. Good luck.


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## koala49 (Jul 21, 2009)

The fact that he is taking drugs is a real worry, like one of the posts said it can get worse and lead to harder drugs, that is something you cannot fix, he has to do that for himself, but in the meantime it leaves you in a very dangerous situation, he could become violent. You need to seek help for YOU, I think if I were in your situation I would be going and giving him an ultimatum, either he seeks help for his drug use or you are gone. Office work is just as tiring as physical labouring, I get that same comment from my husband about how my job is just sitting on my bum all day typing, I work as an advertising consultant and have targets I have to reach it can be just as stressful and draining as physical jobs and you dont feel like coming home and doing the mother and wife thing alone, two of you are in the relationship and so two of you need to help out with the chores when you both work


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