# Help!



## HaleyJ (Aug 3, 2010)

I live with my boyfriend now for almost 4 yrs. We've been together for five. When we first met and for about the first couple of years, everything was fine and in the beginning as with most people, we had sex often! Now we have none. Not only that but he appears to avoid even sleeping near me some nights and will sleep on the couch. He will go to sleep in the bed if I fall asleep on the couch and am still there when he goes to sleep. I'm very worried about this and it's not that I have to have sex, but I miss that closeness we once we shared. The huge change in him from all the time to none in just a couple of years also worries me. He's not the type at all who would ever lie or cheat and I'm fairly certain that this issue is just between me and him. We do have other issues between us, but these come up rarely and we do manage to work through most things and have a happy life together otherwise. The last time we had sex was 4 months ago. I have suggested going to counselling and at first he's always against it, but gives in and says he will.....the last time we never ended up going, so when other issues came up, I brought it up again and he called to make an appt. (we went to counselling before I moved in him as well) then I find out that the appt. was only for him and not for us both. After that he made another appt. and went today....again, without me. I understand him wanting some time for just him to go, but I sit here day after day and night after night in tears sometimes, wondering what's wrong and I don't know how much longer I can go on like this. I feel like he's avoiding by not letting me go with him. He treats me very good and I've always felt like we had a very good relationship, but I think this is starting to affect me......I cry all the time and lose my appetite, even feel nautious at times and have trouble sleeping. This is a very affectionate man, always hugs me and gives me a kiss and holds my hand and tells me he loves me and he's a good man, but the sadness I am feeling is killing me and I have no one to talk to about this.....you just don't go around telling people personal problems like this. I still feel loved by him.....most of the time, but I just am feeling very sad and alone


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

It's too bad that he won't go to the counselor with you. Ask him if you can go with him and if he says no, there is no reason why you can't make an appointment for yourself.

BTW - "He's not the type at all who would ever lie or cheat". My wife said the same thing about me and I did.


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## 76Trombones (Jun 2, 2010)

Maybe kick it up a notch? Make an appointment with the therapist for the both of you, and then inform your boyfriend that it will be at this time and he is expected to attend. If he goes.... great. If he doesn't, then you know how much he cares about the matter, if you know what I mean. If he knows how important this issue is to you, and that you want him there, then he should turn up.


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## justonelife (Jul 29, 2010)

Have you tried talking to him about why he is going to the counselor alone? Perhaps he has withdrawn from you for some reason that he is trying to work out for himself. He could be depressed or maybe has something else going on in his head and he knows he isn't treating you well but needs some help in sorting it out before he tells you about it.

I would try calmly talking to him and suggesting that perhaps he can continue seeing the counselor on his own but you would also like to schedule some sessions for the two of you together.


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## HaleyJ (Aug 3, 2010)

Thanks, I am trying. I asked him if am allowed to go next time and he said very quietly and not at all like he was happy about it, but he said yes. I am asking again to confirm before I get up in the morning the day of the appt. to get ready to go like I did the first time!  The counselling is really for a couple of other issues as well, not just the lack of sex. He also isn't crazy about the idea of marriage and I want to get married. It just seems so strange because he shows me that he loves me in so many other ways. 
To the guy who said that his wife said the same about him and he cheated, I realize that it can happen, but I am a pretty alert and aware kind of person, and I don't feel that this is the problem, but thanks for that info! it reminds us that anything's possible!


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## everythingatonce (Aug 5, 2010)

My heart really goes out to you. I know how hard the sleeping apart is especially when you don't understand why. I think I might be more distressed about the lack of sex than you seem to be for such a long period. Im not suggesting that you should be, but I would be more demanding about answers as to what is wrong. I'm having to refrain from sexual intercourse for three weeks for medical reasons, and it seems like forever. I really hope that you and your boyfriend receive the help you need.


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