# "Here's why I dumped you ..."



## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

For the dating crowd:

5 men confess: Here's why I dumped her�


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Good ones. I've definitely dumped men for reasons 1, 2 and 5, amongst other reasons.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Sorry about the misnomer. I didn't indicate in the title that the article is more about some reasons that guys dump girls. But, as Jelly points out, some of the reasons are gender non-specific.

For me, the whole leap-frogging 'getting to know you' versus intimacy has never been an issue ... at least for me.

As I've stated numerous times, I don't care if we have sex on the first date, or the 12th. But ... if it's apparent to me that someone wants to have sex, but thinks it is better to wait for some non-descript period of time, or worse, thinks that sex is like currency ... I'm gone.

I also can't imagine feeling 'less than' compared to a powerful, wealthy woman.

Again, unless she believes that her wealth and power give her 'more' currency in the relationship, then I don't much care.

I've dated docs and executives. Some of the conversations in initial dates felt like qualifiers, but it was more about intellect and knowledge than it was about bank accounts.


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## Dedicated2Her (Nov 13, 2010)

> or worse, thinks that sex is like currency ... I'm gone.


Truth. Been there, done that. Married to it for 13 years. Spot it a mile away, and have no qualms shutting the relationship down over it.


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## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

Dedicated2Her said:


> Truth. Been there, done that. Married to it for 13 years. Spot it a mile away, and have no qualms shutting the relationship down over it.


The ex and I went through a stint of this at one point as well. She'd dangle the carrot and then eventually stop even following through, of course back then I went along with it. Smh.

On that list I definitely agree with making it too hard to chase a gal. I do not agree with it "scaring" a guy away, I'm just not going to play that game for too long. No problem using that opportunity to be a bit creative to get her attention, but after a while .. yeah no.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

I'm big on attraction and desire.

If I'm not actively getting those signals during a date ... and after ... then what's the point in continuing?


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

Deejo said:


> I'm big on attraction and desire.
> 
> If I'm not actively getting those signals during a date ... and after ... *then what's the point in continuing?*


Certainly NOT for the sex in the Champagne Room, as we all know! :rofl: :rofl:


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Did you watch it? I friggin laugh every ... single ... time.

It is an important life lesson.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Deejo said:


> For me, the whole leap-frogging 'getting to know you' versus intimacy has never been an issue ... at least for me.


I don't think this one was on the list. Was this directed at me re: the sex? For me, it's not about the "allotted time." I just have to feel comfortable enough to sleep with someone. I am not big on sleeping with random people and probably never will be. Everyone is different.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

06Daddio08 said:


> On that list I definitely agree with making it too hard to chase a gal. I do not agree with it "scaring" a guy away, I'm just not going to play that game for too long. No problem using that opportunity to be a bit creative to get her attention, but after a while .. yeah no.


Agree. This is totally annoying when someone does it. Either you are into it or not, stop playing games, right? Do unto others and all that jazz. What happens is that when someone pulls this, I lose interest fast.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Jellybeans said:


> I don't think this one was on the list. Was this directed at me re: the sex? For me, it's not about the "allotted time." I just have to feel comfortable enough to sleep with someone. I am not big on sleeping with random people and probably never will be. Everyone is different.


Nope, not directed at you Jelly. In the article they they reference the gentleman who left his dating relationship because they had presumably very different perspectives on sex.

I was dating a woman who was feeling ALL kinds of pressure about having sex. Despite the fact that I wasn't putting any on her. We have known one another for years.

She basically came right out and said, I have no sex drive. I wouldn't care if I never had sex again. And knowing that probably isn't ok with you makes me anxious and I feel a lot of pressure. 

I greatly appreciated her honesty. And I told her that's she's right, it ISN'T ok with me. The way that story usually goes, with which I am familiar both personally (my marriage) and from friends, is that rather than the person who flat out doesn't want sex taking ownership and releasing the other person who does ... they usually use shaming; "Is that all you want me for?", "Is that all you ever think about?" "You know there is more to a relationship than sex ..."

So ... we ended our relationship, but not our friendship, without my EVER having overtly tried to seduce her. We were sitting on her couch, I smiled and said, "Well that was a pretty easy breakup, don't you think?" We had dinner, watched a show while she uncharacteristically nuzzled into me, and then I went home.

Whereas, woman I'm seeing now? We had a lot in common ... including sexless marriages. We connected, we were attracted, and we ended up in bed. She's happy. I'm happy.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Makes sense. It's better to know straight off the bat then later down the line, right?

I personally woul want someone to want to FVCK me too versus all pretending to want to and then just not.

LOL.

Another rule that should be added to that last: 

I dumped you because you were neto honest with me about XYZ.

That goes for being married and "forgetting" to tell someone; no sex drive (or sex addict); not saying what you are looking for (the WORST, the WORST!). I hate when someone all strings you along when they could have just said "I don't want this." or "I just want to bang."

Be honest, folks. Goes a long way.


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## WhiteRaven (Feb 24, 2014)

4 and 5 are big red flags. 

4- If someone is bossy during dating, you can guess how she would be after marriage.

5- She loves the idea of being in a relationship, not you.


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