# Should I end this relation?



## y3zalman (Feb 24, 2013)

Recently I came across this article & I must say my wife fills each and every criteria 

10 Signs Your Girlfriend or Wife is an Emotional Bully | A Shrink for Men

I have been aware of all what's written there but the only thing that has been holding me back is my daughter which I love immensely. But then again, I ask myself, how long can I take this abuse...

Thank you for your suggestions


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## 4me2 (Jul 20, 2012)

I don't think I can help much as I'm in the same quandry. I've always thought my wife is a bit of a bully, angry at the world, quick to anger with me, etc. It has definitley affected how I relate to her (much less caring than I could be). I always thought - well, that's just women. After recent problems and coming to these forums I now think she has Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) characteristics. She doesn't seem to have the extreme traits, but she certainly fits the bill as to how the emotional issues arise - she and her 1 year older brother were a product of their parents adultery, she didn't find out "uncle" was in fact her dad until she was 11 yrs old when mom married her dad. Dad turns out to be a grade A a-hole that continued to cheat, was controlling, nasty, etc. Her 1-year older brother had his share of problems and in fact committed suicide 4 years ago - nobody knows why but he did certainly have childhood issues that would flare up. 

Anyway, with other problems and currently separated, I sort through all the "to quit or continue" decisions and the emotional baggage my wife carries really starts to tilt the scale on ending things. I know for sure after being married for 28 years and allowing myself to be the doormat I'm not going to let that happen if we stay together.

Good luck on your issues.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Have you considered how years of seeing your wife treat you like this will affect your daughter, and how she will treat her future husband?

C


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## Mr Blunt (Jul 18, 2012)

Grow a pair!
Demand that she change significantly for the positive and then watch the actions.

If she does not change and prove it by ACTIONS, then make a plan to leave her. If you do not then you will become a door mat or a weak dish rag.


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## y3zalman (Feb 24, 2013)

I highly appreciate the suggestions all of you has given. I hold myself a faulty at this also since I ignored some of these traits in the beginning hoping that things will change & eventually she will change. 

As Mr blunt has suggested that I demand that she change, I have tried that numerous times but we end up having a long argument where she will constantly tells me how wrong I am, then I just back off considering what impact it may leave on our daughter. The only time I physically involve myself and stop her is when she is disciplining (by spanking) our daughter. And I have been kicked by her during the process, I am totally shamed in front of my daughter seeing us like this. 

One major thing I realized after reading that article is the sex control. When I try to show her affection, at times she will act like she is disgusted by my touch and then later she will DEMAND sex. Another thing she did, she separated our beds and from that point on wards my 'performing in the bed' issue started, with her complains that I show her no affection. Is it normal that even though we don't sleep together, when she demands sex my d*ck should be hard as soon as she touches me? 

I am her 3rd husband but first who she has a child with. I am so exhausted being pushed around & bullied.


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## Ms. What-to-do? (Apr 8, 2013)

I don't really have advice, but I want to wish you good luck. I think leaving is important, and if she is dangerous, I'd seriously consider trying for custody.


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## TheCrunch (Sep 3, 2012)

PBear said:


> Have you considered how years of seeing your wife treat you like this will affect your daughter, and how she will treat her future husband?
> 
> C


:iagree:

I trust you are not keeping the abuse to yourself as if she knows you are too embarrassed or whatever to talk openly about it to people she will only do it all the more. 

You know you deserve better and so you will need to gather inner strength to change things or get out, not least for your daughter. 

http://ezinearticles.com/?Are-You-an-Abused-Husband?&id=2520678


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## nunikit (Mar 20, 2013)

She sounds like my ex... He didn't stop until CPS got involved it was that bad. 

Abusers do not like having their dirty laundry aired out in public btw. 

She needs serious therapy, I doubt she knows how to change on her own. 

And you need to get away from her and protect your daughter.


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## redwing_10 (Mar 29, 2012)

y3zalman: I read this not too long ago and it describes my wife to a tee. Mostly the verbal assaults, gaslighting and constant conflict. I think she is an anger addict. Withheld sex for long periods.

Consider what PBear said.

I am almost 20 years into this and my belly is full. I am tired of hearing divorce threats or threats of turning the kids against me. Finally decided I had enough and I realized I would rather be alone that do this day after day. I don't care anymore. My daughter is 18 in two months, and am planning on leaving then. I should have left a long time ago, or put my foot down a long time ago and not allowed the abuse to continue. I was too afraid to leave because I came from a broken family and didn't want that for the kids. I now realize having two single parents that are functional is better that two married dysfunctional parents.


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## TheCrunch (Sep 3, 2012)

I think we all have a tendency to procrastinate when we are faced with issues/questions about staying in a bad relationship. It's understandable but down the line so many people say they wish they had done something decisive years back. 

Obviously, such decisions need to be thought through but putting things off indefinitely is often the easy, but wrong, option I would say. OP - I hope you can somehow turn things around but if not get advice about moving on.

How to Stop Procrastinating as soon as you start and Why you need Have Done Lists!


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