# I'm divorced !!!



## Germangirl (Jan 2, 2012)

oh god, I don't even know where to start...it happend today at about 3pm...ex-huppy did apologize to me about 5 times about everything that went down and in the court room when the judge asked him if he wanted to make a statement he said: "I just would like to say that all of this is my fault and that my wife was great to me for 22 years and none of this was her doing "!!! WOW...I started crying....he later also said to me that he wants/needs to stay in contact with me (wrote about this in my other posts) because he needs to know that I'm doing OK.....
one other side story....he has to decide if he wants to retire from the army reserve or go IRR...he said that he thinks he is in the IRR for ex-husbands...not yet retired and can always be called up again.....thoughts!!


----------



## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Germangirl said:


> oh god, I don't even know where to start...it happend today at about 3pm...ex-huppy did apologize to me about 5 times about everything that went down and in the court room when the judge asked him if he wanted to make a statement he said: "I just would like to say that all of this is my fault and that my wife was great to me for 22 years and none of this was her doing "!!! WOW...I started crying....he later also said to me that he wants/needs to stay in contact with me (wrote about this in my other posts) because he needs to know that I'm doing OK.....
> one other side story....he has to decide if he wants to retire from the army reserve or go IRR...he said that he thinks he is in the IRR for ex-husbands...not yet retired and can always be called up again.....thoughts!!


He wants to stay in contact to assuage his guilt and to have someone for emotional support. Don't let him use you that way. He does not value you if he think the trash OW can replace you. 

If you stay in contact you will impede your healing. You may be thinking that his new status in the service is a chance for you to get back with him as he will be in one place?

Please think about it - he is a serial cheater, the worse kind because they do it again and again. Don't stay because you are fearful of not meeting anyone. First heal then you will meat someone who will love. 

In order to heal and have a new fresh outlook on life, you must go completely no contact. After this woman drains him dry, he will be lonely and his mind will turn to you. He will beg. 

Eventually, he will realize that he is a fool and be unhappy but you will have moved on. When you do, send him an email thanking him for giving you the best gift of your life, releasing you from a serial cheater. 

But he does not value you enough to not hurt and humiliate you. He dumped you for a lowlife. What a fool to throw away a diamond for a piece of coal he found on the side of the road. 

Take the emotional hit all at once and go completely NC. You were with him for 21 years so it will be difficult and you may have moments when you have the strong desire to call him but resist it.


----------



## Germangirl (Jan 2, 2012)

I meant to type "hubby"....
yeah , you're right about the guilt thing.....I think he is coming out of the affair fog and has moments of clarity but maybe he is just acting and says stuff he thinks I want to hear....don't know anymore because I have uncovered so many lies ....he had a chance today to postpone the divorce and maybe give us a chance to at least consider MC but he said he's not crazy and will not go to counseling and I also think that he can't let go of the OW yet....he is not a happy camper these days....sometimes I feel bad for him...I'm just to darn goodhearted!!!


----------



## hesnothappy (Mar 5, 2011)

Friends don't treat friends in this manner. Is probably wants to be friends with benefits (sex) and to lessen the pain of tearing up what is familiar to him. Be strong and best of everything in your new beginnings.


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

I am sorry to hear about your divorce but congrats on your new life.

You are lucky that he apologized in court. I still have never heard an apology from my ex husband about anything.

Get a new hobby, join a gym, and smile at a handsome man. Get your hair cut, buy a new shirt and perfume, baby!


----------



## Sparkles422 (Jun 3, 2011)

You are on the road to recovery without the ex. If you continue to correspond or whatever, you will delay your recovery and in the end kick yourself for prolonging the end of one chapter and the beginning of another.

Like jelly, my ex never apologized and doubt very much if I will ever receive one. The man enjoys that deadly sin of pride to his detriment.

Don't let him use you.

Good luck.


----------

