# Reaction during Physical and emotional Affairs



## bharatshah1941 (Dec 14, 2015)

*Love, Lust & affairs*

The nightmare started when I came to know about her affairs. My wife was not even sure whether the child belongs to me or not. The DNA result clarified that the child is not mine.

I was deeply in love with my wife, that I wrote her name on my body through tattoo which was her first valentine gift. My wife was raised at her close relatives where she never received adequate love from her father. The beginning period of our marriage was great but suddenly she started to feel sad and lonely as if I framed couple of things during marriage and brought her abroad. She started to come close to one of our close relative ( married & has 2 adult kids) which turned out to be an emotional affair. Their closeness turned into physical affair where she even forgot to have sex with condom. She was so blind in love & sex that listened to that person about using the pills while having sex so they both can enjoy it. I still remember, she had sex with me also during that time period using pills so that if something goes wrong then the child can be mine and that person is safe with his semen because of pills. She forgot to take pills and luckily his semen got fertilized not mine.

She was thinking to give me a divorce at that time where her pregnancy came in-between. I was in love with her at that time so didn’t agree for divorce. I am pretty much sure that the culture and relationship also played an important part where there was no way for them to get married or live together. Their affair never lasted long & I came to know about her incident where she claimed about her affairs and asked me for forgiveness by saying that “please try to forgive me – I know I have made big mistake and I will be your slave for whole life”. I tried to forgive her but somehow I became an alcoholic and went for sex at massage parlors. The only difference was that I informed her about my incident and she tried to hide it..

She suffered from a serious illness soon after and was barely able to survive so I decided to never drink again and told her to start a new life where it will be only me and her. She still has that grudge about “going outside for affairs was because of me as I was not able to take care of her in the beginning of the marriage”. I still try to let it go as women have tendencies of arguing things without any logic. As we all live in a fast track western culture life, I asked my wife about blowjob and other fantasy but she was not ready for it. She treats such kind of things as “dirty” . I might be wrong or forward in asking too much to my wife but what about the enjoyment and satisfaction that she got. I don’t know how & what do people enjoy during affairs but if she can have sex without using condoms just to get the enjoyment ( I guess so ) then why not blowjob? When ever I ask her about her sex during the affair, she tries to deny that there was no oral sex involved as the person was twice her age but she claims that the person did go down on her and performed cunnilingus to make her wild.

There was a time when I was in deep love and she wanted to divorce me (normally happens in extra marital affairs) but now I want to divorce her and she is in love with me and wants to live with me.I don’t know if I am asking too much in return as a blowjob for what she did or it’s just the lust on my part and if it’s only my lust then what about hers lust during affairs?

She always claims to be ignorant of such kind of things (as its not western culture) but has knowledge about getting enjoyment without using condom. She was more worried about her fat body and don't allow me to kiss her vagina, so I told her that I never looked at her body and I have accepted her not her body but still she keeps on thinking.

We all get that freedom to become naughty in affairs but not during the regular life where ethics, rules, regulations comes in between. I am pretty much sure that if I ask her about anal sex, or watching the erotic movies together then it will be the same reply about dirtiness. We had an argument about this and I reminded her what she said to me that “forgive me, give me a chance, slave & will do everything etc “ so why not now and her response was that those wordings/speech came out because of tenseness & fear which means that basically those words have no meaning. It was simply a king of sympathy that every woman wants.

Bottom line, if you love somebody then you will always think about sacrifice but when it dies all sort of excuses arise. I don’t know if it’s my ego, revenge or lust and that’s why I though to ask you about divorcing her is the right decision or not.

Sorry for the brief and long message.

Thankyou,


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## bharatshah1941 (Dec 14, 2015)

Hello,

I wanted to know the reaction of physical and emotional affairs for women. Is there a way for a man to find out if his spouse or girlfriend who had an affair in the past enjoyed the extreme level of sex which is called Bliss?

How do we compare the sex between "normal life" and "affairs life". If the man was caught during affairs then probably he will apologize and describe all the moments without hesitation but the woman won't describe it in detail. Why?

What happens if the result is worse like "having the child from an affair" ? The woman will apologize but how do we know those moments that they had enjoyed during affairs and why can't they be frank. I did ask my wife couple of times about "How and what kind of sex" she had but never got clear answer. My intention is not about hurting her but being a man we always think about how good her sex was, how big the penis was, where did they go and enjoy etc.

She even denies about having oral sex. I tried to ask her if she went down for oral sex and the answer was no. They claim that its always the man who goes down and licks the vagina but the woman never takes the penis in the mouth. All she said was that she was lying naked in bed and the man was down, playing with vagina all the time which I am sure is not true.

I know they did book a room in a hotel a couple of times and also the man who was married had sent his wife to Bangladesh so that he could enjoy with my wife. I know that they never used the condom because of that golden touch and that's where its hurts me more that how good it was?

I might be wrong but I wanted to know the opinion of others.


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## bharatshah1941 (Dec 14, 2015)

*Difference between Massage Parlor & Emotional Affairs*

Hello,

I wanted to know what's the difference between Massage Parlor and Emotional Affairs sex.

During Emotional Affairs Women will be connected deeply with another man and would cross all the boundaries because she is in love. We know that its "Fantasy Love" and will be wild due to the intimacy.

On other hand the guy goes to Massage parlor for happy ending knowing that you don't get love anymore so its just a matter of addition.

How do we compare whose fault is more vulnerable ?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

*Re: Difference between Massage Parlor & Emotional Affairs*

Emotional affairs, by definition have no sex going on.

Are you trying to justify going to massage parlors for 'happy endings'?

There is no justification.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

bharatshah1941 said:


> Hello,
> 
> I wanted to know the reaction of physical and emotional affairs for women. Is there a way for a man to find out if his spouse or girlfriend who had an affair in the past enjoyed the extreme level of sex which is called Bliss?
> 
> ...


*First off, cheating is not uncommon nor is it exclusive to just any one culture. Having said that, I greatly think that women or men who participate in the illicit act of infidelity is pretty much going to naturally behave accordingly!

IMHO, a man, nor a woman is naturally going to talk to anyone of the opposite sex about their performance in the arena of sex, other than the person that they are actually engaging in sex with ~ usually who is "their partner in crime"; and that is because in this newfound "cheating phase", they are now lovers for only each other!

The guy may well "talk" to other males in giving them a "blow by blow" description of his physical conquest to greatly elicit their envious "oohs and ahhs"; the gal will often do "girl talk" with her confidantes and if her friends are close and trusted, she may well define her actions on and from her lover in nauseating detail, greatly obeying the mantra that to confess it to the wrong people, well, that "loose lips sink ships!"

Rest assured, however, that a detailed confession of their acts of sex with their OP would only be made to their spouse if the resultant truth comes out and they have been "caught in the act," or worse still, the hostility factor has ensued, and to just get them off of their back, they will confess their misdeeds "to hurt" their married partner, knowing full well that as far as their married relationship with them is concerned, it is now in the process of screeching to a fast, but rather a dauntingly halt!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

bharatshah1941 said:


> Hello,
> 
> I wanted to know the reaction of physical and emotional affairs for women. Is there a way for a man to find out if his spouse or girlfriend who had an affair in the past enjoyed the extreme level of sex which is called Bliss?


Could you please clarify something? The way you ask this question, it’s unclear if you mean that the wife/gf had an affair before being with you, or if she cheated on your (or the current husband/bf). Is this what you mean?


bharatshah1941 said:


> How do we compare the sex between "normal life" and "affairs life". If the man was caught during affairs then probably he will apologize and describe all the moments without hesitation but the woman won't describe it in detail. Why?


No, when men are caught having an affair, most never apologize. And most never “describe all the moments” not with or without hesitation. Men will lie up a storm to cover their affairs. They will usually leave out as many details as they can get away with. Women do the same thing. People who are unfaithful lie.


bharatshah1941 said:


> What happens if the result is worse like "having the child from an affair" ? The woman will apologize but how do we know those moments that they had enjoyed during affairs and why can't they be frank. I did ask my wife couple of times about "How and what kind of sex" she had but never got clear answer. My intention is not about hurting her but being a man we always think about how good her sex was, how big the penis was, where did they go and enjoy etc.





bharatshah1941 said:


> She even denies about having oral sex. I tried to ask her if she went down for oral sex and the answer was no. They claim that its always the man who goes down and licks the vagina but the woman never takes the penis in the mouth. All she said was that she was lying naked in bed and the man was down, playing with vagina all the time which I am sure is not true.


It might be true. It might not. If you think that she is not telling you the whole story, then you have to decide if you can live with that. 
When I found out that my husband cheated, he would not tell me anything that I did not find out on my own. So I finally told him that either he tell me what happened or I will just have to rely on my imagination. And in my mind he did everything. She will never tell you everything. So you need to decide if you can live with what you believe happened.


bharatshah1941 said:


> I know they did book a room in a hotel a couple of times and also the man who was married had sent his wife to Bangladesh so that he could enjoy with my wife. I know that they never used the condom because of that golden touch and that's where its hurts me more that how good it was?


Again, what do you think? Do you think that she would have had sex with him more than once if it was not good? Accept that it was good. Now knowing that, do you want to recover your marriage? Or do you want to end your marriage?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

*Re: Love, Lust & affairs*



bharatshah1941 said:


> She suffered from a serious illness soon after and was barely able to survive so I decided to never drink again and told her to start a new life where it will be only me and her. She still has that grudge about “going outside for affairs was because of me *as I was not able to take care of her in the beginning of the marriage*”


Can you please explain what you mean when you say that you were not able to take care of her in the beginning of the marriage?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

*Re: Difference between Massage Parlor & Emotional Affairs*

You have 2 other threads, all on topics that are closely related.. about your wife cheating and then you cheating. Please keep one thread. It's very confusing to people to have to track down all of your current threads to figure out what's going on.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

You started three threads tonight all on basically the same topic.. your wife's affairs and your cheating.

You will get better feedback if you stick to one thread because that way people can read your whole story in one place. 

Plus starting multiple threads on basically the same topic is against forum rules.

So I merged all 3 of tonight's threads into this one.


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## bharatshah1941 (Dec 14, 2015)

Hello,

Thanks for approving.

can you put my 3 posts differently so that I can get different feedback.

I know past is past but still wanted everybody opinion.

Thank you,


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## Spotthedeaddog (Sep 27, 2015)

*Re: Love, Lust & affairs*



bharatshah1941 said:


> ...
> 
> and she is in love with me and wants to live with me.....


that's the baby talking.
when the baby is not talking, she is back to her normal self - she has to decide if she is IN your (couple, not you alone) marriage, or if she's just kind of hanging around.

culturally you'll have to check if some of those "dirty" things are actually legal where you are.
You can't force her to do them, that would be rape and assault, hopefully you are a better man than that and can control your urges. And sadly many people are brought up with dirty attitudes to their body, just as it's sad many others in free-er places are too egotistically/possessive of theirs, and also in many places a body or sex is treated as a trading commodity (as long as a body/sex is a tradable commodity, how can the connected person be respected as other than an attachment to the product?

As for divorce, it's your call - what are the legal requirements? Can your ex-partner support themselves? Can you repay the debts that will arise, including dowry etc?

Remember if you're doing this because you aren't getting what you want, that's very low kind of person, a poor petty child !
If it's because she won't "do porn things"... then a sick petty child. Know the grossness of the need, and grow up decent, find better ways to cope. Divorce only if it is best for both of you.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

bharatshah1941 said:


> Hello,
> 
> Thanks for approving.
> 
> ...


No I will not split it back to three threads. A person has to read all 3 of your questions to understand what's going on. That's not reasonable to expect people to do.

Right now it is slow on the forum since it's in the middle of the night in the USA where most of our posters live. 

Hopefully people will be along to read your thread and you will get more input.


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