# Need a womans prespective.



## Thumper (Mar 23, 2013)

Ok without hashing too much.

Married 21 years, now separated, wife says she's disconnected, not sure what she even wants. Has LOADS of family issues, and work issues that coincide with the family issues. Teenage kids always needing attention. Her life has no breaks for time for herself.

She says she wants to try MC and try to save the marriage, see's one that basically dealing with just the family issues for the time being. She tells me she cant expect me to wait for her to get resolution with those issues, but would like me to wait for her anyways. I know there hasn't been any cheating, she doesn't have time. Although there could be a "friend" that she's facebook with? She asks for me to be patient.

She's shut off her facebook, has been reading tons of books, and according to what the kids tell me, in bed pretty early, but still non stop texting.

The MC has said that working on the marriage for now is off the table, but maybe eventually they will address it, but she has too much to deal with for now.

Im just very confused at what im supposed to do, cause im the only one left out of the conversations.
Am I supposed to be the supportive husband, the patient father, or am I the plan B? Is/will the 180 be effective here? does it have nothing to do with me?


----------



## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

She is likely having an EA. She might not understand what that means, so don't accuse her of it.

I suggest you go to Marriage Builders ® - Successful Marriage Advice

Read up a bit, sign up, and join their message board, then ask for advice.


----------



## Thumper (Mar 23, 2013)

great tyvm for the read, and your response.


----------



## relationshipsguide_gal (Apr 6, 2013)

Hi Thumper, if your wife says "she's disconnected" maybe you should try 'connecting' with her. Find some time to go on a date with her, doesn't have to be expensive, you can even do it at home. Or, just be there being a Friend. Cuddle with her, tell her she's very attractive. Thank her, appreciate her.. I think she needs you now more than ever. Women love attention. - Mae (relationshipsguide_gal)


----------



## Thumper (Mar 23, 2013)

oh trust me I've tried, she wants no dates, no contact, now doesn't even want to work on the marriage for the time being, just want to rediscover herself.


----------



## LoriC (Feb 18, 2013)

Thumper said:


> oh trust me I've tried, she wants no dates, no contact, now doesn't even want to work on the marriage for the time being, just want to rediscover herself.


I love this "rediscover herself". What she really means is i want to carry on with the EA and possibly go full steam ahead with a PA. 

Sorry, I don't mean to be harsh here, but the writing is all over the wall on this one. I've been there! Start the 180 and wake her up!


----------



## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Your wife's issues sound familiar. If she has deeply upsetting issues about her relationships with her family, I can see why she would want to put all other relationships on hold, on the back burner, until she has worked through a lot of that. I don't believe, and I grant you I am usually the lone voice on affairs, that you are plan B. The way you describe it, it feels to me that she knows she can't expect herself to have an intimate relationship with anyone until she has worked through family issues well enough to understand what causes her to detach.

I should think a time limit on how long you will "wait" for her to work through, say 2 months or so? t that point SHE has to either commit to R or commit to D.


----------



## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Thumper said:


> The MC has said that working on the marriage for now is off the table, but maybe eventually they will address it, but she has too much to deal with for now.


I find this statement very intriguing. What is possibly more important than addressing the marriage crisis!!! Family and work problems are secondary. Obviously the marriage counselor knows way more than he/she are letting on about. You may want to suggest finding another marriage counselor. But, of course, your wife is not going to agree to that. I'm betting there is someone else in the picture.


----------



## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

I was always under the impression spouses should be each others highest priority just below God.


----------



## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

Thound said:


> I was always under the impression spouses should be each others highest priority just below God.


I used to think children before spouse. I don't believe that anymore.


----------



## LoriC (Feb 18, 2013)

Thound said:


> I used to think children before spouse. I don't believe that anymore.


As a mother I always put my sons first. But like you I have come to realize how important it is to put my husband first now. Maybe because the boys are men now, who knows. H is my 1st priority now


----------

