# Wife doesn't understand work



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

She grew up in a fking rich family, never had to NEED to work for her money, and now in marriage she expects me to have more time for her despite me having the responsibility of owning my own fking business. And after a bad day like today, she turns around and tries to tell me off for being like this... WTF?!

I've tried to push her out so she can start work instead of living it up as what she's doing now and then she comes around and tells me she wants another baby. So ok, fk that, I drop it. But then I tell her to leave me the fk alone today and she just rubs it in even more to the point I was ready to do some FKING SERIOUS DAMAGE

I shoulder all the income for our family, she won't no matter what I say, and ok fine - she wants to be a SAHM... FINE! But DONT FKING TELL ME WHAT TO DO OR HOW TO DEAL WITH MY OWN FKING BUSINESS!

F--k... will she ever change? I doubt it...
Hell I'm so P-SSED right now, good thing I'm venting here on a forum instead of her because that wouldn't go down too well... pffft. The sh-t I hide from her just to keep her fking happy.


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## bribrius (Jun 29, 2012)

been there!!!!!!!!!!
now go give her a hug and the kiss.
she will be saying something that will drive you up the wall again. so dont listen to a thing she says. in one ear, out the other.
just give her a hug and kiss. and nod a little.
its all good.
Try to schedule a time to give her to look forward too. some kind of time. Once a day i offer my wife cuddle time. Not alot, but some daily. It helps. 
Also phone calls, some texts. It keeps her feeling she is with me somehow and attached. 

And yeah, i keep my wife in like a little protective bubble too. And she always wants more time, and more family time. And i support the family.
LOL


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

...

I don't see how I'm able to even THINK of giving my wife a hug or a kiss right now and at the very best I'd sooner bend her over and ram the living bejesus outta her. But THAT is not going to happen simply because I know that's what she's trying to do by p-ssing the sh-t outta me trying to make ME fking explode.


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## bribrius (Jun 29, 2012)

RandomDude said:


> ...
> 
> I don't see how I'm able to even THINK of giving my wife a hug or a kiss right now and at the very best I'd sooner bend her over and ram the living bejesus outta her. But THAT is not going to happen simply because I know that's what she's trying to do by p-ssing the sh-t outta me trying to make ME fking explode.


because you still love her. she is much of the reason you are working so hard.
And you love her whether you are mad or not.
She really prolly just wants some attention. Because she loves you.
it isn't a bad thing.....


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Just wish she leaves me alone when I'm like this, I can't accept myself in my horrid moods, and I sure as hell don't expect it from others let alone my wife and nor will I even allow her to accept me like this.

Just wish she leaves me alone but now she's waiting for me to cooldown after today. This forum helps more than I give it credit for sometimes. I'm feeling better now after venting... alot really


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## bribrius (Jun 29, 2012)

RandomDude said:


> Just wish she leaves me alone when I'm like this, I can't accept myself in my horrid moods, and I sure as hell don't expect it from others let alone my wife and nor will I even allow her to accept me like this.
> 
> Just wish she leaves me alone but now she's waiting for me to cooldown after today. This forum helps more than I give it credit for sometimes. I'm feeling better now after venting... alot really


sex help too. my wife usually gives me sex to calm me down, calms my nerves. i get high strung. she puts me to sleep with it sometimes at night when i cant sleep to. Especially when my mind is racing and i have alot going on at the time. she is like my valium. Like now it is almost three a.m. and im still up working and screwing around on here. I cant help it im just wired, i barely sleep, mind always going. If she found out i was still awake right now she would prolly send me to bed and put me to sleep . she never used to be that way at first, but im happy she kind of caught on and learned over the years. Now instead of running or avoiding her i tend to go to her instead and she nurses me back to peace. 
Really what it comes down to, is im high strung, she offers me peace through that. Once in a while a couple drinks, and her. And im at total peace. But i dont always need the drinks. you should try to work out something with your wife, explain some things too her. i was adhd growing up too, not sure if i am now but im know im still way to wired all the time. Maybe your wife can be your valium. just a suggestion.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Thanks, it's just hard when she's nagging about my mood at present times... just makes me angry, can tell from her flirtateous eyes that she's waiting for me to snap and go all out on her...

*sighs* Fine, maybe after a few more drinks I'll go talk to her, and hope she brings me some peace in all this mess in my head


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

I am my husband's antidepressant when work is driving him crazy. I cuddle him, speak in a soothing tone and make love to my husband all the time. I know he needs me to be a calm refuge. 

Do you resent the fact that your wife grew up rich? I'm asking because you have mentioned it several times on TAM and you seem angry about that fact.

I don't think it is wise to bring a new baby into a very troubled marriage. Sorry, but based on your posts it seems like there are some serious problems. Hope you are not offended by my observation.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

I don't resent her not working I resent her complaining about money. If you have something to bring to the table, bring it. Otherwise STFU.


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## bribrius (Jun 29, 2012)

Runs like Dog said:


> I don't resent her not working I resent her complaining about money. If you have something to bring to the table, bring it. Otherwise STFU.


so basically she has expectations, and you are the hamster on the wheel going round and round trying to meet her expectations. Because you dont feel you are good enough for her and perhaps because of some of the things she says.


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## missymrs80 (Aug 5, 2012)

Don't let things build up. Push a ball under water....when you let it go it always shoots up out of the water. 

Where her parents busy a lot when she was growing up? Could be a past trauma for her.


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## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

You need to have a sit-down with her and lay the finances on the line for her. As long as you are providing for a comfortable life, don't apologize for any shortcomings she tries to lay at your feet. You work hard, she does not have to work, that should be good enough.

Make it clear that you are not her parents. You do not have their particular strength set or circumstances and it's not fair for her to say "my mom always had a vacation home, a new car, and domestic help. You should provide that also."

Hell, that might not even be a priority for you. You might not choose to push that hard and value more free time. Also, you need to remind her that she did not provide anything in either case and she needs to have a realistic view of what it takes to provide.

On that note, let her get a job slinging lattes at Starbucks for a few months. After the first month, when she's busted her butt and brought home $1,500 for all that effort, let's see if she does not change her tune at least a little bit. There are no guarantees, but you will have stood up for yourself at least.

ETA: Fortunately, with money issues, there are objective measures for success to which you can refer to get your wife to take a more reasonable position. If she says "you only make $100,000; that's really not much and I'm tired of living like this" you can pull out the BLS (for the U.S.) stats and say "you're living in a dream world - my earnings are in the top 10% and should need to get a grip". If she still maintains you're a bum or claims she's worth a premium guy, at least you have clear insight into her value system.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

I don't give a flying fk about the sole fact that she grew up rich. I DESPISE her ATTITUDE however when it comes to work and lack of understanding/space especially when I'm the fking sole provider dealing with this sh-t day by day.

She complains that I don't have enough time for her... pffft! And now she's sulking because I wasn't exactly very nice to her yesterday... bah!


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## Anubis (Jul 12, 2011)

RandomDude, 
Your description is setting off some warning bells for me. Your wife sounds exactly like my ex- in the coddled by parents and attitude department. 


DTO's comments are the right approach, but there's a good chance his suggestions aren't going to help.

When I got married, I didn't mind that she had never had to earn her own way because I figured we'd start a family and she would appreciate my working hard and providing for us. What it actually turned out to be was that my successfully providing a nice living where she didn't have to work just fed her sense of entitlement and the idea that paying for everything she wanted was not her problem and that life was going to be easy for her.

Her feelings of being entitled to an "easy" life caused problems once we had kids. At that point, she really resented the time I spent working hard (making six figures plus) because for the first time she was having to work really hard (being a mommy) for little recognition (what? no ticker tape parade? just more diapers?) She would call me at work in the middle of the day and insist I come home and watch the kid(s) so she could nap or go to a movie or otherwise live the easy life she had before children. When I stood firm that it was an either/or choice (by home all the time, or have an income) it really didn't mean much to her because she had zero appreciation for the effort it took to keep our lifestyle paid for her. 

Anyway, to wrap it up, in her eyes my working hard and not being always available became a deficiency in her eyes. At the same time, she complained about not having even MORE money for her to spend and put pressure on me to work harder and spent accordingly. 

So it was lose/lose as far as respect in her eyes, and she began to verbally degrade me over both issues. I tried DTO's suggestions - explaining until I was blue that I wasn't her parents, money didn't grow on trees, how we were in the top 5% of households, and so on. And every single time, she just didn't care, because of her believe it should be handed to her and her lack of actual experience of having to work and survive on her own. The "she should get a job" suggestions were shot down with her wrapping herself in the flag of motherhood as job one and only. From there, it wasn't long before she decided to cheat, blame it all me, pull the 'open marriage' demand, etc.

So I guess what I am trying to say is this: If your wife has only known a life where she's been spoiled and never had to earn it herself, she will likely NEVER respect, value or understand the work and sacrifice it takes to earn what you do. You can sit her down and tell her all you want, but there's a decent chance it'll remain a huge rift between the two of you.

Postscript - Me ex- used to regularly berate me, telling me should could easily replace me with a man who made twice as much. Her new H makes around 1/3rd - 1/4th, and even though the alimony train has run out ($30k/yr), she's has yet to get her first job, and still feels entitled.


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## bribrius (Jun 29, 2012)

RandomDude said:


> I don't give a flying fk about the sole fact that she grew up rich. I DESPISE her ATTITUDE however when it comes to work and lack of understanding/space especially when I'm the fking sole provider dealing with this sh-t day by day.
> 
> She complains that I don't have enough time for her... pffft! And now she's sulking because I wasn't exactly very nice to her yesterday... bah!


thought you were going to give her a hug and kiss last night.....
you still have to give them attention.
i know where you are coming from. i was the type that had a plant for years, but it was about the only thing i could keep alive. im not much of a give attention type person. But we all learn....


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## Lyris (Mar 29, 2012)

I know you're in Australia, therefore you get Family Tax Benefit A and B. If your wife is financially dependent, then that amount could be quite significant. Plus, if she was working, you would need to pay for child care, even if your child is at school, unless she managed to find a job that fit in with school hours.

So it's not really true that she brings in no income. The tax benefits would be in her name. 

I haven't read anything here that implies RD's wife is an entitled princess type who has never worked to support herself. In fact, I think she has worked as both a sex worker and in hospitality.

She's obviously tactless and has a poor sense of timing. But it is so clear from your many posts that you resent her upbringing and don't value what she does at home.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

When was the last time you *asked* your wife to put a pair of handcuffs on, *ask* her to pull her panties down, and politely ask her to bend over your desk?

Maybe that dark , dirty girl of yours needs to be reppermanded. Not that she doesn't want it, but the simple fact that she is asking you to meet a certain need.

Sure I'm wired different then most, but after all I'm about the only one left here thats been here just as long as you have.

Hell mate, your chicks a nympho, I'm just thinking out side the box here and mabye she's pushing your buttons for a reason.

Maybe you should ask...." are you pissing me off cuz you want a good spanking"? 

Maybe I'm feeling a little froggy tonite? What the hell do I know? 

Remember I'm the guy that told his chick to go get a "boytoy" but if your down under its "toyboy".........either way right.


Seriously...WTF is got you so worked. be the alpha male and control your sh!t


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

I don't care about the money! ITS HER ATTITUDE in this that drives me fking insane!

She has never worked in hospitality except for a few years ago when I got her to help out at MY workplace which DIDN'T last very long. And she didn't work as an escort for the money - she had some serious issues in the past which thankfully she has FINALLY decided to go to counselling for. Whenever she needed money, she always had her parents. And now whenever she needs money, she's got me, until... Hell...

Hell and you know what's worse? Whenever I bring up even any impression that we need money, she starts wanting to call her parents for help, WHICH P-SSES THE FK OUTTA ME. I've spent years fast-tracking my career from earning minimum wages to owning my own fking business so I will NEVER have to embarrass myself by asking money from HER PARENTS!!! Does she understand this? NO!!! Work is a man's FKING pride as well FFS...

And yes I KNOW she was pushing my buttons for a reason and it was dead obvious but I'm not interested in sex when I've got this sh-t IN MY HEAD. If only she just knows when to just leave me the fk alone...

*sighs*
Not going to go on about work, but I doubt I'm going to be in a better mood anytime soon. I feel like sh-t for rejecting my wife but hell I don't know


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