# Last post here...



## DjF (Nov 24, 2010)

Anything else will be in the Reconnciliation forum...

This forum has been huge in helping me the last few years, I've had support from thousands miles away, people that I've never met..I wouldn't be where I am now without the advice I've received here...

My wife moved back home 6 weeks ago after an almost 2 year seperation and a downward spiral that was over 10 years in the making...I drank, isolated myself...she had self esteem problems, we were better parents than husband and wife...she reached out in the wrong ways, tried to smother me--I drank more, isolated more...viscious cycle that was sucking the life out of each of us, but we survived for 10 years because we were good parents...we had that going for us...it finally overwhelmed us and we separated (she moved out)...

I drank, drank some more, and then drank some more...but it was okay, I never missed work, did my job, provided a paycheck...I was/am a functional alcoholic...wish I had a drink next to me right now, but I don't and I won't...too much of life's good things too offer at risk...alcolhol is a nasty girlfriend, pretty in the short term but eats you up in the long run...

Anyways, anyone that is familiar with my story knows I sought out help, been sober for nine months now, gave my wife an ultimatum, give me a chance to prove myself daily or call it quits...we started MC 8 months ago, she moved home late August...it has been hectic, sometimes with our schedules, I feel like I saw her more while separated than I do now...

Things are better than they have ever been between us...we sit and talk about the neccesities of life...what we need to be better at, what is going good, we pray together...we share chores and spend time together doing those chores we missed out on before...

Living separated for 2 years has amassed some huge debt, 2 leases, credit cards...3 kids needing support...even back together, I am not sure how we can pay everything off, but we will manage--I know others are struggeling worse..we will manage, it will make us stronger...

She gave up on me 2 years ago, I never gave up on love...she had a lawyer lined up, I eventually lined up with God and gave it all to him...so far, God has won...

Things aren't perfect, we aren't perfect...but I could have never have believed in love again if I hadn't fought for my marrige with everything I had, if I had to walk away, it was going to be on my terms with my head held high that I had tried with every ounce I had to make things work...

Maybe we are the exception, maybe we made things work against all odds...but maybe when my kids are struggling in their marriage, they will look toward us as role models, dig in and work harder...my nephew called me the other day and said "I'm glad you both are working through this, so many people don't try..." I could never not try...

It's late, my bride is waiting for me so we can go to sleep...God Bless and be strong no matter what barriers a wait you...
Dan


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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

Good for you on your sobriety.Being sober for many years now I can still remember the tendency to sometimes catastrophize and believe there was no hope for any of my life's problems,so it was just easier to give up.It's much easier to deal with troubles and find solutions with a sober mind.Best wishes to you and your wife in building a new and healthy marriage.Keep persevering and stay strong.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Dan,

I'll miss you here.

Good luck.


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## daisygirl 41 (Aug 5, 2011)

Good luck!
Stay positive!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## DjF (Nov 24, 2010)

I'll still be around and will make comments where I see I can help...I've made so many mistakes maybe someone else can learn what took me so long to learn!


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

DjF said:


> I'll still be around and will make comments where I see I can help...I've made so many mistakes maybe someone else can learn what took me so long to learn!


Dan,

You do know the definition of expert?

It's someone who has made every possible mistake in a given field of endeavor.


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## DjF (Nov 24, 2010)

well looky there, I am an expert at something...


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## onthefence210 (Apr 29, 2012)

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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