# I hate this new life



## proudwidaddy (Dec 26, 2011)

God I really hate this new life I have to adjust to now. Going through the divorce process, being with my wife for 11 years. I'm such a social person. I just loved being with my wife (at least the person she used to be). I loved hanging out with her, talking with her, just being around her. I miss being with my children all the time. I just can't find any positives to being out of my house now when she wanted this. I am such a social person that just having to go home to where I'm living now, and being alone sucks! I can't tell you how many times I've walked around Target or Wal-Mart just to feel like I'm not alone. I can't understand how we used to make each other so happy, now she is not. I'm so damn lonely. I try to stay busy, but it's so tough. I don't want this life I have, and I can't have the life I used to have.


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## proudwidaddy (Dec 26, 2011)

I'm just so bitter, after all the times I did the extra things that needed to be done like work two jobs when money was tough, bust my butt working retail hours, thus sacrificing my weekends a lot. I just thought we were working towards our future together.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

You figured she'd see your sacrifices and appreciate them.


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## proudwidaddy (Dec 26, 2011)

I just figured she wouldn't abandon us, I figured she would've fought for me, instead of chosing to just go the divorce route. I don't understand how someone just falls out of love.


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## LexusNexus (Aug 19, 2011)

She didnt deserve you, at the end you will find somebody that will appreciate you.


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## proudwidaddy (Dec 26, 2011)

That is what everyone tells me, but it doesn't help me much when I'm so lonely, missing my kids, missing her and us...how we used to be.


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## Mamatomany (Jan 10, 2012)

Proud, 
I don't get it either. Family first has been how we raised the kids... and ourselves (or so I thought). 

Do you have a good friend that you can just go out with just to get out? Or go to a movie that she wouldn't have wanted to go to? 

You need something to feed your soul. What are your hobbies?


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## proudwidaddy (Dec 26, 2011)

I'm going out to dinner tonight with a coworker and his fiance, so that will be nice. I've been doing a lot of reading, playing video games, watching movies. I've started to write in my journal now, that helps a little. I always was family oriented, I loved nothing more than just going home after work, seeing my wife and two children. The sad thing is, none of our mutual friends can understand why she is doing this, they all think she is giving up too quickly. We had 11 years together, it shouldn't end like this. I was affectionate, I showed her love, we had a good sex life, I have a decent job, I am a great father, I was her best friend. Now it's all for nothing, except for my two children.


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## Starfish girl (Feb 6, 2012)

I am with you, I can't see me ever getting use to it. I loved going out for dinner, movie, simple stuff or just being home together. I am a lover of fun. He is now finding fun with others. My friends keep telling me he doesn't deserve me. But I love him, and he doesn't even care because he is having fun, I have gone out with my friends a few times and I just feel miserable because its just not what I want to be doing. I can't put effort into anything.


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## synthetic (Jan 5, 2012)

Proud,

If your wife called you today and said "Ok, I've changed my mind. I'm coming back home today, but you can't ask any questions", would you take her back?


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## proudwidaddy (Dec 26, 2011)

@Synthetic my answer would be No, if I couldn't ask her any questions about why she did this, was there an EA involved, all of that, no I wouldn't. I would need answers.


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## jbel (Feb 9, 2012)

I'M with you proud. Same here bro except no kids. I no its wrong but I wish I had some right now. Something to give me strength. This is the 3rd time she left. Second in 3yrs. 9 yrs total. Thought it would be easier having gone thru this before....but again I'm just a shell of a man right now.
Can't work, can't let anyone see me like this. All my drive is gone. 
She was my inspiration....my family and friends say the same things about I deserve better but none of it helps. I'm living proof that just cause she comes back doesn't mean squat....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## proudwidaddy (Dec 26, 2011)

Jbel I guess I can use you for inspiration in the aspect that she has changed, and for some reason I'm of no value to her anymore. Not sure why she changed, she said she doesn't even know why she is unhappy. I want my old life back, but not sure it would work out right now the way she is. It's just tough when someone tells you that they know they are foolish for doing this, that you are a great person, a great father, always treated them right, but they still have to do this. It doesn't make sense to me. What happened with working through the for better or worse?


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Be of value to yourself.

Screw her. She has issues. Issues that have hurt you. You'll never have your old life back...this cannot be erased. Even if you got back with her, this would still be in your mind.

I hope you find some peace  I know it's hard...


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## jbel (Feb 9, 2012)

Idk where that went....Ive been struggling with that myself.
I did everything I thought was right and still came up short.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 5Creed (May 29, 2011)

You are grieving for your old life which is normal at this point. Allow yourself to feel these feelings, but know that you will move on to a new normal; a new life. I didn't believe it when I heard that one day, I would move past this stage and make a new life for myself but I did and you will too. There are still some days that I get so mad at my husband and want to ask him-why did you do this to me and our family?!? Maybe there isn't an answer however I must accept that this is what my life is and it is what I will make of it. I want to be OK for my kids and myself. Yes; the STBX's are the ones that put this whole new life into motion, but we have the choice to either wish for the old life back-it won't be the same as it was ever again-or make it OK to move on and make it the best new life we can. I feel for you; I really do and it hurts like no other hurt. You are going to be OK in the end. Feel the feelings, but don't allow them to make you feel stuck there forever. Go out with your friends, talk to people and take care of you.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Stop giving her so much power. Walk out if she undresses in front of you. Move away when she tries to kiss you. I can literally feel your hurt in your posts. Start working out. Looks like her new found confidence was the death of your marriage


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## proudwidaddy (Dec 26, 2011)

Yeah, I think her new found weight loss prompted this. I loved her when she was at her heavyest with our daughter, I loved her up and down, thick and thin. It's a shame that she couldn't get this newfound confidence, and still be happy with us.


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## Mamatomany (Jan 10, 2012)

Ummm, my H left me after I lost a lot of weight... I felt good about myself and wanted him to feel good about me looking good too. I guess it's a woman thing?? I didn't feel like he use to...proud to have me on his arm type of thing. He quit taking me places, introducing me to people he works with etc.

I did feel like he quit taking care of himself and I loved his physique for most of our marriage... but his health was starting to be effected. I thought he would want to take care of himself so we could grow old together. It did become a bit of a deal for us I guess. I didn't leave... I just wanted more of his attention (sexual and emotional). Before he totally shifted out of the house I quit letting him see me undress. But in the beginning of the fight I hadn't changed my habits w/ dressing. He made me feel so ashamed of my new body. 

Proud, I have tried to read your story but there were so many threads I couldn't see where her weight, her leaving and other issues were brought up.


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## lostintheworld1 (Aug 7, 2011)

I am in the same place as some of you. I so want to go back and change the past so that she and I can just be together still. I just want to hold her and love her. I want to know that she is by my side like she always was. I want to change my cheating so that it didn't start the spiral of the divorce we are going through now. I want to change her finding comfort in her, "younger male coworker". I want to change it all to just get back to where we were a year ago. Back when we looked in to eachother's eyes and knew that our love would never end. This is so hard! So painfull!


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## Lone Star (Feb 2, 2012)

I understand the feelings you are going through. For the life of me I can not understand how my STBXH just walked away from our sons. If it bothers him he certainly doesn't show any signs of it. I think he has moved on to another ready made family even though he has been a part of our sons life for 20 years. It feels like his relationship with ours sons is conditional. As long as they ask no questions and believe all his crap then things are great, if not then he just walks away. It will be his loss in the end. 
I wanted my life back to in the beginning. Now I question whether I could ever go back to that life. I don't have the answer to that question, I just know I want a life that it is filled with happiness and love.


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## anakin (Feb 1, 2012)

It took me hitting rock bottom almost for me to say enough. My job performance was horrible my boss told me during a review. I had lost my confidence, and I let her take it from me. I wrote her happy anniversary on fb and she erased it 3 times then her lying to me about it. Or the non gift for xmas when I got her something that she liked. The way she straight lied to my face when I have written proof. The list goes on but u will hit the point where enough is enough. When u realize they r crazy, and u might laugh or feel bad for them but u don't want to be married to someone who treats u so bad
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## proudwidaddy (Dec 26, 2011)

I'm pretty much getting to that point with her, now it's just not being in my comfy house, seeing the kids every day. My daughter was sick with a fever last night, and it killed me that I wasn't there to make her feel better.


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## Mamatomany (Jan 10, 2012)

Proud, have either of you actually gone to a lawyer and started procedures? Or is this still in the talking about divorce phase?


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## proudwidaddy (Dec 26, 2011)

Oh yeah, the divorce petition paperwork was filed in January, we will have our court date probably in May. Then my life as I know it now will be officially over. Great, can't wait.


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## canguy66 (Dec 18, 2011)

proudwidaddy said:


> Oh yeah, the divorce petition paperwork was filed in January, we will have our court date probably in May. Then my life as I know it now will be officially over. Great, can't wait.


In the meantime, you can take steps to build a better/different life for yourself, one day at a time. Are you seeing an IC, proud?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## proudwidaddy (Dec 26, 2011)

No, I'm going to be calling one this week to set up an appointment.


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## canguy66 (Dec 18, 2011)

proudwidaddy said:


> No, I'm going to be calling one this week to set up an appointment.


After two months of dealing with this on your own, this will be part of the healing process. Good for you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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