# Step children and pregnancy



## 3rdWife

*This is to anyone who has step kids, and became a birth m themselves.*


I feel SO damn resentful that I can't enjoy my first (preg) like I always wanted to.
Instead I have the skid full time, he goes to all my apts, and usually ruins it with his behaviour. I don't even get to enjoy scans that I wait a long time for.

I feel peeved when people say "be sure to involve him", "spend time with him to compensate". "other mums have older kids and still can look after babies" EXCUSE ME?? I DONT have any other children. I should be looking after MY first.

I feel like screaming "PISS OFF" everyone rallies around the skid, I do EVERYTHING FOR HIM why can't I just enjoy my FIRST child, go alone to have internals and pee in a cup (thats a whole dif story but I am not about to drop my draws infront of him OR pee infront of him.

Am I being selfish here?? He has enough love to share with a hundred kids, this isn't a poor ole kid situation he's spoilt most of the time...its actually quite annoying.

I am finding the whole belnded family very hard to cope with.
I am beginning to feel annoyed by my h being around and more so the skid.

His family is an issue they had way too much say before I came along and absolutely NO boundries, they still try to enforce this now (they think they are ss parents and my h used to do what they said). Well that's changing caus I refuse to be sucked in anymore and I told my h just that. If he doesnt repsect me he can look after skid himself, I am an adult and wont let them dictate how my family will be run, they had their chance and this is ours. 

What really P*sses me off is dicipline. We are very strict on manners and repsect.
If we are over their house with out fail he will do things he KNOWS he shouldnt do because they say "oh let him" he deliberately pushes his luck knowing the gp's will protect him from the meanies

When we tell him off and punish him (time out) they will openly dissaprove infront of him and totally undermine our athority. Well that stopped because I wasnt prepared to keep going over there if they were to keep doing so (and they did). They also have less time with the skid now not that will stop mil.

We go to special lunches which btw always seem to be happening. Once there w/out fail the MIL will make snide comments about the way poor skid is treated. 

This child used to be constantly sick, underweight and aloways be constipated before I had him.
Why cant they see by them allowing him to only eat what he wants he was getting unhealthy??
I make him eat his greens, then he gets to eat the bits he likes. AT home its rarely a problem he knows the rules. There he pushes it. He is very healthy has NOT been sick since and as the dr put it a very healthy weight. I am doing ok

I just had another argument with h about last night. He wants to let me stew on my own all night and then pretend nothing happened in the morning.
NO WAY
He asked what was wrong I said "you know whats wrong.
I asked you not to swear infront of the skid and you continued to do so,after I got annoyed you raised your voice at me"...I decided to leave the room to defuse it.

A BIG NO NO
We agreed along time ago that there were certain things that were innapropriate infront of children (being geared up to have one with him we had to discuss these issues). I have our child to consider in this too although I am skids full time sm so I believe I have say.

1) No foul language infront of kids
2) No arguing/outbursts infront of kids 
3) Theres no playing one off against the other we discuss everything, we are firm on this.

**there are more but these are the ones he trashed last night**.

Im waffling now but Im angry, my main concern is that I'm making a mistake I feel like Im tangled in his messy life but Im more concerned of what Im bringing a child into...I know Im doing the right thing and I continue to try.
I just feel the resent is building to a point that I just dont want to do this anymore. I was booked into a birth centre so that h could spend night and Id come out next day BUT I am seriously reconsidering.
If I go to hospital I can stay longer and say NO VISITORS. I cant bare the thought of MIL wandering in like HER new granchild is here for her, courtesy of her sons wife. Tell me how she wants me to do things. I WONT Ill tell her what I really think one of these days, and after Ive given birth might be ideal:rofl: later I can blame it on pain/drugs of some sort/not.

Well Im wrapping it up if anyone managed to get through this thank you, actually respond awesome.

To be honest I feel better just getting it off my chest..

AM I THE ONLY ONE TO FEEL LIKE THIS?? I cant be


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## 3rdWife

maybe I am being unreasonable and should be tolerating more.. I think I just feel as if Ive made a mistake and will tell him so tonight. I will try having a break and see how I feel.


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## adrianadm

I too have a step son and heknows how to play gaes with people he lies to get what he wants and will not behave though my in laws think he's great. My h and I have also a 1 1/2 yr old also and trust me things never got better they think my son is theirs they get angry if I take my son away from them to feed him or if I tell them he can't eat this or that. It's a hard road and they drawn me to the point to want nothing to do with them anymore.


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## 3rdWife

I feel the same way sometimes I just want to cut them off  but h wouldn't appreciate that.
Although tonight he did ask what he wants him to do, I said that its up to him but things HAVE to change and fast.
It all seemes positive but by this evening its already going a** up again...arhhh
*breathe*
Thnx for replying


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## Jaimama

God I know exactly how you feel my stepdaughter gets away with everything and I feel like its tearing our marriage apart. Especially the favoritism from the MIL and the fact she doesn't care about my unborn... Anyone found a way to cope? It's like I can't even look at the child I feel so evil for it. He mother was only with my husband a month and tricked him to get preggo by dumping her BC. To top it off sKid constantly talks down to me and gets away with whatever. Im feel selfish but I don't know how to just say listen this has to stop our child needs to come first skid has 4 people raising her not including me too she is four and acts like a spoiled 20 year old but wants to be babied and lies about all types of stuff, sexual, people threatening to kill her etc. her mother is a drug user and she gets these ideas from her. 

So yes I know how you feel. It's so hard it really is and skid always seems to ruin sonograms, it makes us 2nd time around mommys feel unimportant. I can't take it my husband yesterday would not even stand up for me when previous baby mama said horrible I g's about our child because he doesn't want to be on child support and it just makes me want to be alone, but I love him so much that this situation is killing my 6 1/2 month pregnant body mind and soul....


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## Thundarr

This is a very complicated topic. Partners decide the rules together but the biological parent has to step up and discipline their own kids and their has to be some empathy from both sides. This is either a relationship problem, partner problem, personal problem, or a combination but it's not a step kid problem.


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