# Can I ever be happy again?



## qwertyu (May 4, 2010)

I was a happy person. I have had some very exciting days in my life. I found the my Mr. right and married him happily. Now I have come to the country he's from and my life has changed. Nothing here makes me happy. My qualification has no value here. I can't get any job. I have no friends or relatives here. I have no one to talk to. I was working at the senior level in a MNC but all I do these days is sitting in one room till my husband comes back from work. But when he comes he's usually tired and we don't do anything exciting. Most exciting thing we ever do is go to the supermarket. We're living at his parent's house so I don't have any chores to do because his parents do things their way. I don't go out of the room much because I don't want anyone to see me miserable. When I talk about moving from this place, it doesn't go very good because I'm unemployed. I don't want to live around his parent's house but he doesn't want to go away from this area. I feel stuck. The happiest girl has become the most miserable girl. I have never cried this much in my life. I wish I'd die. I don't want to live this miserable life. I don't want to go back to my country without my husband but he says he won't come with me if I want to go. He used to say he'd come with me but not anymore. He loves me a lot but I'm unhappy. Can I ever be happy again?


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

i really feel for you. i moved with my H and left my life behind. i was happy, too. i had a good job, friends, and family. when i moved with my H i had nothing. and he didnt turn out to be the guy i thought he was. i was so miserable for years because i felt trapped. its horrible being unemployed. and even worse feeling you dont contribute. 

try to be patient with your situation. it took me four years to get back on my feet, and i didnt even leave the country. i just moved states. im finally back in a decent job and feel like this is my life; as opposed to feeling like i was living in my H's life. 

start with something small. When i was majorly depressed, meaning i didnt shower for weeks or leave the room, i decided to get a dog. i think she is my saving grace. she was the only reason i got out of bed, even if it was only to take her outside. and then after a few months i started applying to jobs. 

it just takes some time and babysteps. start small but never forget where you want to end up.


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## qwertyu (May 4, 2010)

Thanks a lot for the reply. It really made me feel better. 4 long years must have been too much for you. But I'm happy that you have overcome your problems. I am more than sick already and really don't know when will I get out of this.
Let me tell you some more about me.
I did my higher education in Japan. It was also a new country to me. But I enjoyed it a lot there. I was there by myself. I couldn't speak Japanese but within a month I got a part time job and started to live a comfy life. I had friends at school, friends at work and my days just passed with fun. Every day was like a challenge. I was very confident in everything I did. I knew what I was doing, where I was going. I would hang out a lot, shop a lot, travel and do all sorts of crazy things. I was the same when I first came here. I enjoyed my first few days like hell.But as soon as I started looking for jobs, within days my depression began. My confidence level has just dropped. I even fear going to supermarkets by myself. I want to go to many places, I want to buy many things but I feel bad in asking for money from my H. Coz I am not a kid anymore. 
I have started to feel as a loser that inspite of studying so much, I haven't been able to get any sort of job. I feel bad that my parents spent every savings they had for my education but it didn't get me any good results. They are very proud of me because I passed with good grades and had a very good job in my home country. I feel scared in telling them that I can't get even a super market job. They will be heart broken to find me miserable because I have always been very career oriented.

Also, driving used to be my passion. I would go different places, long drives etc. I have been driving from 8years but my H doesn't trust my driving. I have driven with him a couple of times here but he says that I need to take driving classes. This is yet another thing that contributed in me losing my confidence. Why do I have to do everything right from the start here?? Its frustrating. I have decided I will never drive his car again. If and when I get a job, I'll buy my own car and drive. My dad gifted me a car on my 19th birthday. I was so happy then. Thinking of how good and comfortable my life was, it makes me cry. I can't stop comparing my past life with my present. I can't do anything in this country. So many times I have thought of suiciding but I have a younger sister and my parents who love me a lot. My husband loves me a lot aswell but I think that my depression is spoiling his life too. I never let my parents know a word about all this otherwise they'll get very worried. They think I am very happy, which they are happy about. This is the only good thing in my life that my parents are happy. I can't see them unhappy at all.

But like you said, I should do something. I don't what can or what will I do but I am not completely hopeless. I will talk to my husband about me doing some course. If the finances are favourable may I be I will. I don't know. I have spoken to him about small businesses but he doesn't want to take any risk about that. It makes me wonder why did he take the risk of marrying..


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

qwertyu said:


> I can't stop comparing my past life with my present.


this was a huge problem for me, too. i had a pretty impressive past. my mom was proud of me because i was impressive. once i moved with my H, he was the impressive one and i felt like an invalid. it was horrible. i could only get jobs at mediocre places. i was so embarrassed of who i was. that was probably one of the biggest obstacles i have had to get past. i have finally come to accept that things happened as they should, and i should not be what i think i should be. what is is what should be. ive stopped thinking about who i should be, because that doesnt really matter. this is who i am and i'll go from there. 

i hated and still hate to ask my H for money. its the worst feeling. i really dont like how timid and dependent i have become on my H. im still kind of working on that. although im much better.

i think enrolling in a class is a good idea. i hope you can do that. just take it one day at a time and keep looking for opportunities. they will come eventually but it takes a long time. be patient with yourself.


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## qwertyu (May 4, 2010)

Thanks again for the reply. How are you going? Hope things are cool at your side..

I am really trying it hard these days. Really don't know how long can I do that for, though..I have applied for a course and waiting for the application result. I went to a job interview which I was a little confident. The manager seemed to be impressed too. But when I reached home, I already had a mail from him that I was unsuccesssful. It was like impossible. I couldn't believe.
I had started to get hopes but naa, it was like a usual reply. My last hope is the course. I really hope it works out well.
But I am worried about one thing. My husband has always been a family type of man and I have always been career oriented. My dreams of being successful in career are not working here but because of my depression, my husband's dream of having a family is getting crushed too. Sometimes I feel that I should have a baby so that either one of us is happy. even though I am not ready for it. I'm 24 and my H is 30. I really do not know when will we both be happy.
These days I try not to cry or stay calm, watch TV or play games so that my H doesn't feel bad about me being depressed. But, I am getting sick of pretending like a happy girl. I am shattered internally. I have got no excitement in my life. I love my husband a lot but things aren't working out well..life sucks!


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