# Cooling it down to create some desire?



## hubby (Aug 10, 2009)

Things have been going pretty good the last few months. The frequency of sex is just about perfect for me (3-5X/week). However, I know my DW does not get much out of it. 

I have been working out pretty intensely the last eight months which has put my testosterone (and sex drive at an all time high). Well, it is time to give my body a rest for a month or so and go on a little diet. Turns out that my sex drive took a nose dive to barely existent about three days after leaving the weights. It is actually quite nice not having that constant urge and thumping in my head. First time in I don't know how long that I have not woken up to morning wood.

That got me thinking, this may be a good time to simmer things down in the bedroom and try to build up some desire in my wife. I actually turned down a BJ this morning (sorry if that really frustrates some on here, I know I would have never thought of doing that a year ago). I just think that my DW was trying too hard to please me and the natural urge has never had a chance to simmer and boil inside her. So I am going to take this opportunity to sort of have a little sex strike for a week or two. This will probably backfire somehow, as most my plans do. I just really want my wife to have that insatiable urge and hopefully she and I will get more enjoyment and passion out of sex.

Suggestions?


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

I like the idea. Can you tease her a little? In a fun way. Be playful. This can be a fun game of hard to get. Tell her she is hot - but make some game like you are doing a different type of strength training - sexual/emotional strength training. So you are going to exert yourself to resist her for a while. She can make this a fun game too. 

Your wife is a bit of a romantic in some ways I think. So you can tell her the game will end when the designated (secret, top secret) number of days you set aside have passed OR when she comes to you with true passion in her heart. You can tell her that no man, no matter how powerful, how determined, can resist true passion. And then the ultimate question for you will be, can you tell when it is real? 

One really important part of this. If she does get hot - and really wants you - then you have to go for it. It is not good to get her wound up and reject her. It will discourage the very thing you want. 





hubby said:


> Things have been going pretty good the last few months. The frequency of sex is just about perfect for me (3-5X/week). However, I know my DW does not get much out of it.
> 
> I have been working out pretty intensely the last eight months which has put my testosterone (and sex drive at an all time high). Well, it is time to give my body a rest for a month or so and go on a little diet. Turns out that my sex drive took a nose dive to barely existent about three days after leaving the weights. It is actually quite nice not having that constant urge and thumping in my head. First time in I don't know how long that I have not woken up to morning wood.
> 
> ...


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

This is an intriguing plan.

If you do it sensitively it could work. But if you turn her down when she just happens to be really genuinely horny, you could make her so angry (and hurt) - she'll never initiate again.

In general, the more sex one has, the more one wants. BUT... if ones appetite is sated then yes, another plate of food is boring. Rather than turn her down, simply g=cut back on your own initiating, and let her initiate. If you try to stop sex altogether, you may find it is not so easy to ramp it up again.

I have a rule. I try to never turn my wife down for sex. Even if I am half dead. She owns my body, it's hers to do with as she pleases. She seems to be of a reciprocal mindset these days.



hubby said:


> This will probably backfire somehow, as most my plans do. I just really want my wife to have that insatiable urge and hopefully she and I will get more enjoyment and passion out of sex.
> 
> Suggestions?


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## hubby (Aug 10, 2009)

Sounds fun... and challenging. I like it.


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

MEM11363 said:


> I like the idea. Can you tease her a little? In a fun way. Be playful. This can be a fun game of hard to get.


Bang on. Make it fun - FUN FOR HER, and you are on a winner.


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## hubby (Aug 10, 2009)

MarkTwain said:


> Rather than turn her down, simply cut back on your own initiating, and let her initiate.


We have an intersting set up these days... she does ALL the initiating. I think it takes pressure off her and she can plan it better. I do sort of initiate with teasing e-mails/texts/touches, but rarely do I ever say "I am going to take you now."


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

hubby said:


> We have an intersting set up these days... she does ALL the initiating. I think it takes pressure off her and she can plan it better. I do sort of initiate with teasing e-mails/texts/touches, but rarely do I ever say "I am going to take you now."


Then you need to make the odd move. A lot (not all) of women like to be taken. They like to feel irresistible and overpowered. They won't indulge that side of themselves until they feel 100% safe with a partner however. Some marriages never achieve this.

Bizarrely, they will often let go with a stranger. That is why sex often starts of more raunchy and then cools of later in marriage. It is because there has been the constant betraying of hopes dreams and trust. It is not necessarily the man's "fault", it just comes about from ignorance.

But when the rifts are healed, and the trust is restored, married sex is the best sex on earth. Not a lot of people know that.


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## hubby (Aug 10, 2009)

MEM11363 said:


> So you can tell her the game will end when the designated (secret, top secret) number of days you set aside have passed OR when she comes to you with true passion in her heart. You can tell her that no man, no matter how powerful, how determined, can resist true passion.


She is DEFINATELY a romantic. She is in love with Edward Cullen from Twilight if that tells you anything. 

I don't think I will be as overt with this, so much as to tell her we are playing a game. She may pick up on it, she may not, but it will have more of a desired effect if she really does not know if/when I will come after her. 

She already knows the impact staying out of the gym has already had. I told her my libido took a nose dive. I also told her that I plan on taking about a month or so off so she knows it will be a while before it comes back.

I will not leave her hanging though. It will just be nice to see her genuinely beg for it like I do.


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## hubby (Aug 10, 2009)

MarkTwain said:


> Then you need to make the odd move. A lot (not all) of women like to be taken. They like to feel irresistible and overpowered. They won't indulge that side of themselves until they feel 100% safe with a partner however. Some marriages never achieve this.


I think this is how it will end up when I finally break down!



MarkTwain said:


> Bizarrely, they will often let go with a stranger. That is why sex often starts of more raunchy and then cools of later in marriage. It is because there has been the constant betraying of hopes dreams and trust. It is not necessarily the man's "fault", it just comes about from ignorance.


Totally agree! It is so funny how society likes to portray guys as the ones who need something new (in terms as a new young hottie instead of their wife). When in reality, guys would be more than happy with a willing wife. Woman on the other hand really do have their biology set so that they can get easily board with their man. Hence the #1 fantasy for women is Stranger Sex.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

MT,
We also have that thing going where whats mine is your and whats yours is mine. I also try very hard not to turn wife down. I did Wednesday night - upset stomach - but I
- promised wild monkey sex Thursday and
- said I was sorry for being a loser - in a kind of joking way - but i did feel guilty







MarkTwain said:


> This is an intriguing plan.
> 
> If you do it sensitively it could work. But if you turn her down when she just happens to be really genuinely horny, you could make her so angry (and hurt) - she'll never initiate again.
> 
> ...


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Boy is that true. Learning how to play rough required me to rewire 35 years of intense conditioning. 

After I learned the rules of engagement this completely changed things for the better. I wish someone has told me all this stuff when i turned 18. 




MarkTwain said:


> Then you need to make the odd move. A lot (not all) of women like to be taken. They like to feel irresistible and overpowered. They won't indulge that side of themselves until they feel 100% safe with a partner however. Some marriages never achieve this.
> 
> Bizarrely, they will often let go with a stranger. That is why sex often starts of more raunchy and then cools of later in marriage. It is because there has been the constant betraying of hopes dreams and trust. It is not necessarily the man's "fault", it just comes about from ignorance.
> 
> But when the rifts are healed, and the trust is restored, married sex is the best sex on earth. Not a lot of people know that.


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

Yeah, I also had a stomach bug the other night, still did it though, but told her not to take it personally if I sicked up all over her! Sex is a great analgesic though - the sick feeling faded as instinct took over


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## Enamored (Dec 25, 2009)

hubby said:


> I actually turned down a BJ this morning


:allhail:

I would not turn down even a handjob. You have left me speechless


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