# If your wife made you a cuckold, could you give her another chance



## confusedhusband1

So I found out that my wife was having an affair on me 2 weeks ago. I asked her to move out and she has ,and has limited contact with our 2 kids.

She came clean about all of the details about her affair. She would have sex with her guy and then would come home and instigatate sex with me. It happened about 15 times, including just oral sex on her a couple of times.

I am still mad as hell about all of this, but we have had a few really good conversations the past couple of days and I think she is truly sorry about what she did. I have been in contact with her mom and dad who she is staying with and they both agree that she is really sad and missing me and the kids.

She wants another chance with me, but I don't know what to do? I have been in contact with my lawyer and have agreed to take it slow as filing for divorce. I do love her as much as I hate what she has done to our family. I want my kids to grow up in a loving 2 parent household.

She has agreed to go to couseling, to take a lie detector test if I request her to, cancel her fb account, sign the house directly over to me in my name with no recall, and her guy is also in the process of moving out of state.

I got great advice last time and am just looking for some more. Before I started in this forum I didn't even know what the term cuckold meant. She said she wasn't making me clean her up to be mean or humiliating, just for the sexual feeling of it. Which doesn't mean a squirt of piss to me.

Thanks for the help and support.


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## MattMatt

> She would have sex with her guy and then would come home and instigatate sex with me. It happened about 15 times, including just oral sex on her a couple of times.


 ouch. That made me feel ill.

It's not what we would do, it's what is right for you and your children.

Because there's something she might not have figured out. When she did that to you, she did it to the father of her children. 

Recovering from an affair is possible, but she needs to be able to confront the fact that she showed you disrespect that bordered on hatred.

Counselling (couples and individual) is really a sensible option.


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## Complexity

It takes a certain evil to intentionally humiliate someone like that. To cheat is one thing, but for her to come home so you'd purposely "clean up" the other guy? 

I don't think I could look myself in the mirror if I stayed with someone like that.

Eitherway I'm so sorry you went through this and wish you the best, whatever decision you take.


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## Shaggy

No I would not in such a case.

Ask her this: Have her write down 20 reasons why you should give her a second change. Then have her write down 20 reasons why she should give you a second change if you had done the same to her.

Now, wait a couple of days after they gives you the list. Using your best acting come to her and tell her you have begun to even the score. That you've found a very willing woman and have hooked up, and now you want to have sex with her too. Tell her you plan on doing this 15 times to even the score.

See her reaction and you will have your true answer - you will see she wants you to act in a way she herself will not.


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## CleanJerkSnatch

Thats sad to read. Have her cancel FB, NC with OM of any form, no smoke signals, no morse code, no message in a bottle, no good byes, no leave me alones stop msging me either. No GNO, have her sign over the house if you want, im assuming you want a real R with no rugsweeping, its all a big dirty ugly check list. The trust wont come back fast, youll be hot and cold with her sometimes, your mind movies may die down amd triggers too.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## CleanJerkSnatch

Shaggy said:


> No I would not in such a case.
> 
> Ask her this: Have her write down 20 reasons why you should give her a second change. Then have her write down 20 reasons why she should give you a second change if you had done the same to her.
> 
> Now, wait a couple of days after they gives you the list. Using your best acting come to her and tell her you have begun to even the score. That you've found a very willing woman and have hooked up, and now you want to have sex with her too. Tell her you plan on doing this 15 times to even the score.
> 
> See her reaction and you will have your true answer - you will see she wants you to act in a way she herself will not.


lol man, thats hardcore. I think id do that, and tell her she will give you more right afterwards.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## costa200

Regarding your question about giving her another chance i wouldn't. I don't need that kind of drama. I would get over her and find a new partner faster than i could ever possibly find a modicum of mind peace within a reconciliation. I suspect i could never trust her again. And i cannot have that issue hanging in a relationship. 

There are other people on this board that think differently, i'm sure they'll chip in.




> She came clean about all of the details about her affair. She would have sex with her guy and then would come home and instigatate sex with me. It happened about 15 times, including just oral sex on her a couple of times.



OMFG... I barfed a bit in my mouth...

Have you got tested for STDs?


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## MattMatt

costa200 said:


> Regarding your question about giving her another chance i wouldn't. I don't need that kind of drama. I would get over her and find a new partner faster than i could ever possibly find a modicum of mind peace within a reconciliation. I suspect i could never trust her again. And i cannot have that issue hanging in a relationship.
> 
> There are other people on this board that think differently, i'm sure they'll chip in.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> OMFG... I barfed a bit in my mouth...
> 
> Have you got tested for STDs?


You know something? On this occasion I am not sure I do think differently. Doing that to the father of her children? Man... that's just so... *wrong*!


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## Writer

I usually am all for R if the BS decides for it. If my WH came home and encouraged oral sex on him after he was with another woman, I don't think I could get over that sort of betrayal. It is a complete disregard for her BS. I hate to say that part turned my stomach.

If you haven't, get tested for STDs.


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## bluelaser

confusedhusband1 said:


> She has agreed to go to couseling, to take a lie detector test if I request her to, cancel her fb account, sign the house directly over to me in my name with no recall,


She should add 'test for STD' on her list 




confusedhusband1 said:


> her guy is also in the process of moving out of state.


Is this the reason she wants the R? Because the other guy is bailing on her? 

I can't tell you what to do, but i wouldn't take her back if i was in your situation.  If you do decide to take her back try to get truthful answers to the following questions -

why did she cheat?
why does she want you back?

Otherwise in the near future you will have to face the same situation again


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## tacoma

No.

I'd be done with her


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## TDSC60

So her lover is moving out of the State and NOW she wants another chance with you.

Personally I could not get over the humiliation of her having sex with her OM then coming home to have sex with me including oral on her (gag, puke, and gag again).

Evil and demonic.


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## confusedhusband1

Thanks fellas. I did get tested right away. She has basically offered to do anything to keep our family together. I know I won't be able to forget or forgive her for awhile and she is ok with that.

If we are able to stay together what kind of safeguards should I put in place. Obviously no contact with the om, he is moving.


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## Torrivien

I decided to not give a second chance to my wife, but I have to admit that yours is showing great proof of redemption.

As for the safeguards, I think you should ask her to call you constantly, or atleast text you, to inform you about her whereabouts.
Also, maybe both of you can keep a diary and let the other read it.

Sometimes it's easier to raise issues in handwriting, and it's even easier to understand them by reading.


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## HappyHubby

First post on this site: From what I have gathered from reading many threads on here is that your best strategy is to make her think she's lost you whether you want R or not. I dont think simply making her work hard at the marriage and on herself is sufficient punishment... I think the only way you will feel okay with R is if there is a bit of justice.

She must suffer the loss of her husband (as she deserves) for what she did to you. Her effort and begging in trying to get you to reconsider and how long she is willing to do this will indicate to you how truly remorseful she is. She should be crying her eyes out for days and weeks.

And you must get a very good and true understanding of what really possessed her to do all she did. I would be so fricken mad I would have to exert great effort to restrain myself. 

Messed up situation. I wish you all the best... wait one thing.. HOW DID YOU FIND OUT?


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## CaptVere

No, I would not. I think the vast majority of these cases do not end well. How will you ever trust her again? How will she ever respect you again? Look what's happened here. Look how she has decided to find something she was lacking without regard to you or your children. What happens next time she feels like you aren't measuring up? Instead of talking to you she goes and finds it elsewhere? She not only disrespected you emotionally, but also physically AND GOT OFF ON IT. WTF? There is no coming back from that in my opinion. I would never stay because I feel like I would never have her respect again and I think sometimes that's even more important that the trust, which is also gone.

If I were you I'd be getting the finances sorted out, the divorce papers ready, the custody arrangements made, and whatever else (and do it without her knowing). Then, I would spend a lot of time thinking about my choices and my marriage so that I minimize the chances of this ever happening again.


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## hotdogs

No way dude, I just had to read it over a few times to realize what it meant. That's horrifying. Your wife has no respect for you whatsoever.

As far as the kids are concerned, best let the judge decide what's best with the information provided (I would mention the cuckold thing yes I would) It takes a special level of notrightinthehead to do that.


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## Taurus

I think this was done to you at the OM's request.


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## jh52

confusedhusband1 said:


> Thanks fellas. I did get tested right away. She has basically offered to do anything to keep our family together. I know I won't be able to forget or forgive her for awhile and she is ok with that.
> 
> If we are able to stay together what kind of safeguards should I put in place. Obviously no contact with the om, he is moving.


Ask yourself this question --

Would she want to make this offer and come back and do anything to keep your family together ==

*if OM was not moving ??*


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## hookares

Damn! I never even thought about that scenario. My ex was passing out the affection so seldom that I have no idea if I had that going on.
This sets my recovery back about twenty months.


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## confusedhusband1

The om is moving for a couple of different reasons, but she told me that they had it out after I found out about the affair.

I have gotton all of my ducks in a row as far as finances, child support etc.

I thought that there was no was I would consider staying with her at first and still may not, just have a lot to sort out.


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## CleanJerkSnatch

confusedhusband1 said:


> The om is moving for a couple of different reasons, but she told me that they had it out after I found out about the affair.
> 
> I have gotton all of my ducks in a row as far as finances, child support etc.
> 
> I thought that there was no was I would consider staying with her at first and still may not, just have a lot to sort out.


Take your time to decide.


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## jfv

There are over 3 Billion women out there that HAVEN'T done this to you....just sayin.


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## Acabado

My wife did something similar. Quite a few times.
Another thing she made, very common from what I've read the latest two years and a half is, her libido increased tons when they were also in the "just" EA phase. What a fool believing she was horny for me.


> She said she wasn't making me clean her up to be mean or humiliating, just for the sexual feeling of it.


I don't understand it. Can you elaborate the "just for the sexual feeling" bit? Did she say she was just still horny after being with him?

Once my wife's affair become PA she only had "duty" sex with me (she was deeeply attached, believed betraying OM).


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## sandc

How did you find out?

Did you discover the affair or did she admit it of her own accord?

Why did she do it?

What was she thinking when she asked you to clean her up after he was done with her?

These are a few questions to which I'd want an answer. I would suggest you go ahead and file for divorce. You don't have to follow through if you decide you can reconcile with her. However, should you change your mind the wheels are already in motion. Also, there is no greater reality check for a WW than divorce paperwork.


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## Malaise

confusedhusband1 said:


> So I found out that my wife was having an affair on me 2 weeks ago. I asked her to move out and she has ,and has limited contact with our 2 kids.
> 
> She came clean about all of the details about her affair. *She would have sex with her guy and then would come home and instigatate sex with me. It happened about 15 times, including just oral sex on her a couple of times.*
> I am still mad as hell about all of this, but we have had a few really good conversations the past couple of days and I think she is truly sorry about what she did. I have been in contact with her mom and dad who she is staying with and they both agree that she is really sad and missing me and the kids.
> 
> She wants another chance with me, but I don't know what to do? I have been in contact with my lawyer and have agreed to take it slow as filing for divorce. I do love her as much as I hate what she has done to our family. I want my kids to grow up in a loving 2 parent household.
> 
> She has agreed to go to couseling, to take a lie detector test if I request her to, cancel her fb account, sign the house directly over to me in my name with no recall, and her guy is also in the process of moving out of state.
> 
> I got great advice last time and am just looking for some more. Before I started in this forum I didn't even know what the term cuckold meant. She said she wasn't making me clean her up to be mean or humiliating, just for the sexual feeling of it. Which doesn't mean a squirt of piss to me.
> 
> Thanks for the help and support.


Just this alone...she's gone


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## Jonesey

*She said she wasn't making me clean her up to be mean or humiliating, just for the sexual feeling of it.*

So whats the deference? you cleaning up happened anyway.


*She said she wasn't making me clean her up to be mean or humiliating, just for the sexual feeling of it.*
So what is her yard stick for when things become´s humiliating
and mean?

Perhaps you should ask her that..
This will ting herring it.But make no mistake.Only resin it happened. Was because she chose to. She got a hell of a kick out of it..OM to BTW.Sorry to be so blunt when you are hurting.

But i can't stand when people like her.Whants to reconcile and 
ask for a second chance.and can't even be decent enough to be honest,...


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## Malaise

Acabado said:


> My wife did something similar. Quite a few times.
> Another thing she made, very common from what I've read the latest two years and a half is, her libido increased tons when they were also in the "just" EA phase. What a fool believing she was horny for me.
> *I don't understand it. Can you elaborate the "just for the sexual feeling" bit? Did she say she was just still horny after being with him?*
> Once my wife's affair become PA she only had "duty" sex with me (she was deeeply attached, believed betraying OM).


If you even have a thought to R (I would not) she must explain,at length, EXACTLY what she meant and why she did that. To me it expresses contempt for you and complete disrespect. And loyalty to OM.


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## CaptVere

Acabado said:


> My wife did something similar. Quite a few times.
> Another thing she made, very common from what I've read the latest two years and a half is, her libido increased tons when they were also in the "just" EA phase. What a fool believing she was horny for me.
> I don't understand it. Can you elaborate the "just for the sexual feeling" bit? Did she say she was just still horny after being with him?
> 
> Once my wife's affair become PA she only had "duty" sex with me (she was deeeply attached, believed betraying OM).


This is why I don't think I could ever continue our marriage from an affair with my wife specifically. We have had our issues lately with intimacy and libido. I work my ass off to try and get us through this. If I found out she had an affair, there would be no coming back when all I do is try and work on this. If her libido came back and then I found out it was because of another man, I'd be gone.


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## Vegemite

As awful as it is (her having sex with you after him) I bet that's happened to many of us. My CW f&cked the POSOM in our spare bathroom 2 hours before I arrived home with my son's after their sporting event. I found out a year after Dday.


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## Entropy3000

No


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## WadeWilson

Wow... Just Wow...
Do Not Do It!

Ask yourself... How long before the thoughts come up?
Will you have a true level of intimacy?
Would she still want you even if the OM wasn't moving?
How much more that you don't know?
Do you deserve this, or someone better?...
My opinion, if I was in that situation... I could see, an affair because of problems... I could forgive, we all make mistakes... Disrespecting me, and risking my health because it turns you on...
Sorry, find someone else, not knowing, I would be a victim, after I found out, I'd be a fool...


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## Will_Kane

confusedhusband1 said:


> So I found out that my wife was having an affair on me 2 weeks ago. I asked her to move out and she has ,and has limited contact with our 2 kids.
> 
> She came clean about all of the details about her affair. She would have sex with her guy and then would come home and instigatate sex with me. It happened about 15 times, including just oral sex on her a couple of times.
> 
> I am still mad as hell about all of this, but we have had a few really good conversations the past couple of days and *I think she is truly sorry* about what she did. I have been in contact with her mom and dad who she is staying with and they both agree that *she is really sad and missing me and the kids.*
> 
> She wants another chance with me, but I don't know what to do? I have been in contact with my lawyer and have agreed to take it slow as filing for divorce. I do love her as much as I hate what she has done to our family. *I want my kids to grow up in a loving 2 parent household.*
> 
> *She has agreed to go to couseling, to take a lie detector test if I request her to, cancel her fb account, sign the house directly over to me in my name with no recall*, and her guy is also in the process of moving out of state.
> 
> I got great advice last time and am just looking for some more. Before I started in this forum I didn't even know what the term cuckold meant. *She said she wasn't making me clean her up to be mean or humiliating, just for the sexual feeling of it.* Which doesn't mean a squirt of piss to me.
> 
> Thanks for the help and support.


She is an expert liar, having fooled you at least 15 times, so I don't know how you say you "think she is sorry."

Her parents say she is sad and missing you and the kids? They're probably sick of looking at her. If she is sad, how do they know why? More likely she is sad and missing the other man. Did her parents say if she was still in contact with the other man or not?

I get that you want your kids to grow up in a two-parent household, but I think you should let her live at her parents for awhile, let her cancel facebook, take the lie detector test, give up passwords, handwrite the no contact letter, expose to the other man's wife, ditch any friends who knew about the affair and go no contact with them also, get rid of any clothes and lingerie she wore for the other man, then you will think about taking her back. 

Make her do the actions first, before you take her back.

You do realize, your humiliation and her "sexual feeling of it" are the same thing. Her sexual feeling of it derived from the fact that you were being humiliated. She did not humiliate you for the sake of humiliating you, she humiliated you because it made her feel good sexually because she gets off on your humiliation. No matter how you look at it, she humiliated you on purpose.


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## Count of Monte Cristo

The OM is leaving so you're the backup plan.

That means that instead of first place, you get second place.

And according to my sixteen year-old daughter that means:

FIRST LOSER.

I wouldn't do it because this would be too much to recover from.

(But you'll have to make the decision that's best for you.)


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## larry.gray

Will_Kane said:


> You do realize, your humiliation and her "sexual feeling of it" are the same thing. Her sexual feeling of it derived from the fact that you were being humiliated. She did not humiliate you for the sake of humiliating you, she humiliated you because it made her feel good sexually because she gets off on your humiliation. No matter how you look at it, she humiliated you on purpose.


My thoughts exactly. Affair sex is hot because it is naughty. The more naughty, the hotter it is. What could be more naughty than this?


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## Malaise

Will_Kane said:


> She is an expert liar, having fooled you at least 15 times, so I don't know how you say you "think she is sorry."
> 
> Her parents say she is sad and missing you and the kids? They're probably sick of looking at her. If she is sad, how do they know why? More likely she is sad and missing the other man. Did her parents say if she was still in contact with the other man or not?
> 
> I get that you want your kids to grow up in a two-parent household, but I think you should let her live at her parents for awhile, let her cancel facebook, take the lie detector test, give up passwords, handwrite the no contact letter, expose to the other man's wife, ditch any friends who knew about the affair and go no contact with them also, get rid of any clothes and lingerie she wore for the other man, then you will think about taking her back.
> 
> Make her do the actions first, before you take her back.
> 
> *You do realize, your humiliation and her "sexual feeling of it" are the same thing. Her sexual feeling of it derived from the fact that you were being humiliated. She did not humiliate you for the sake of humiliating you, she humiliated you because it made her feel good sexually because she gets off on your humiliation. No matter how you look at it, she humiliated you on purpose*.


Make sure you read and understand this to be true. Don't be wishy washy about this or it WILL happen again.


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## Wazza

If you do choose to reconcile, you need to have some idea how you are going to trust her again, how you know she won't lie to you again. Because that question will eat at you.

If I remember your original thread correctly, you have learned that it was worse than you were reporting two weeks ago, in that going down on her after the other man was not 15 times back then. So you are still uncovering the truth.


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## Chris989

If she gives you a number, it's a lie.

She has not told you nearly everything yet.


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## GotMeWonderingNow

It's your decision man, but I would not be able to reconcile I don't think. It just cuts too deep, IMHO.


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## The bishop

Taurus said:


> I think this was done to you at the OM's request.


:iagree: 

She humiliated you... Over and over. I just don't understand why anyone would want to still be with someone who treats you so poorly.


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## AlphaHalf

Your wife decided to cheat on you, but also decided to gamble with your health/life. Just to name a few, she could have given you uncurable STD's like *herpes/genital warts, and HIV*. 

She did this ON PURPOSE, let me repeat ON PURPOSE. She might as well have put a gun to your head with one in the chamber and pull the trigger, just to see what happens. Would you forgive her if she did give you an STD? She doesn't respect herself, YOU or your CHILDREN'S welfare. 
Your going to forgive her for probably kissing you with another mans sperm in her mouth??? She is sick. 15 Times??? She probably finds it a turn on with confessing her actions to your face. This is to much, if you decide to stay with her you better always use a condom. A women who did this to you can NEVER be trusted again. This is a negative post but you need to hear from both sides. Find a new woman.(a real woman)


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## Torrivien

She can mean it at the time, to not having affairs anymore. But you should carefully think about it.
If she's a receding cheater, than chances are once the guilt is over, she'll seek for another partner. Who knows what could trigger it?
A remark from you that doesn't please her, the impression of finding a more understanding guy.

I think you should focus on the issues between you two before introducing the kids to the matter.
I'm a child of divorce, and I'm really glad they had the guts to do it.

Think of how it would reflects on your kids, to have parents that got just tired of each other, with one hurting the other. And more to that, they just sticked because of them (the kids).
It can messes up a child's ego even greater than a divorce.


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## warlock07

confusedhusband1 said:


> Thanks fellas. I did get tested right away. *She has basically offered to do anything to keep our family together*. I know I won't be able to forget or forgive her for awhile and she is ok with that.
> 
> If we are able to stay together what kind of safeguards should I put in place. Obviously no contact with the om, he is moving.


Ask for a divorce. It will be hard to trust a woman who gets off on humiliating you with your life. i would rather trust a stranger


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## warlock07

confusedhusband1 said:


> The om is moving for a couple of different reasons, but she told me that they had it out after I found out about the affair.
> 
> I have gotton all of my ducks in a row as far as finances, child support etc.
> 
> I thought that there was no was I would consider staying with her at first and still may not, just have a lot to sort out.


So she is out of options anyway and is stuck with you!! what is her financial position?


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## happyman64

CH1

I remember your story from 2 weeks ago. Your wife is a lawyer and you are a SAHD if I am correct.

Even though what your wife did was horrible to you I am glad you have not made any major decisions at this time.

I do not think you are 2nd choice in this matter. I think your wife is waking up to the fact that she screwed up badly and blew up your marriage. 

I also think it is good that your inlaws know what is going on..

My two cents:
See your attorney and have an iron clad post nup agreement drawn up.
It gives you the home and spousal support if she ever does this again to you.

You need to protect yourself and the children.

As an attorney she will understand this type of contract.

She also has to agree to IC and MC. She needs to understand why she would play you like this as well as tear the marriage apart.

Discuss conditions of a Reconciliation that you are comfortable with.

And she needs to disclose every detail about the A or A's before she comes home. Tell her you want everything out in the open before she comes back home.

Again, I am glad you are calmer now. You should go find the OM and kick him in the balls before he moves by the way.

Time is on your side and I am glad you value marriage and your family. 

And if you cannot forgive her at least you will have your resources available to you and you can start over at her expense.

Good Luck

HM64


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## Rosemary's Granddaughter

I usually think people should try to reconcile in most cases, except for mental/physical abuse--but not here. Get her to sign over the house, and be done with her. You _might_ recover from what she had you do once you are free of her. I don't see you ever getting over that if you let her stay.

Also, this was discovered a few weeks ago? You need to be tested again for STDs in 2 1/2- 3 months--it could take time for anything to show up.


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## 67flh

if it was me,and i truely wanted to get back together it would take a iron clad post nub, and a case of listerine.


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## warlock07

> but she told me that they had it out after I found out about the affair.


Hah, the real reason she said she would do anything to make up with you, only that she won't. She wants you because her lover dissed her. To show him that she can still have men at her beck and call.


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## Thorburn

You have time to decide. In the mean time follow through with signing the house over asap. My wife said the same thing and I just let it go. Legally in our state she would get half anyway but let her actions speak now. If she resists when you go through the legal process of getting the house in your name then you will know she is not sincere. As far as FB is concerened I have my wife's account and monitor it for various reasons. My WS can't get on it and as far as I am concerned she will never have another FB account as long as we are together. It is a deal breaker. At some point her FB will be deleted. She was bugging me about being able to get back on it for a while and I just kept ignoring her and she has since abandoned bringing it up.

As far as the lie detector test. If you are going to do it stop bringing it up. When you feel you are not getting the anwsers you want and you feel it is time just take her. In my opinion they are 50/50 anyway. Some have spoken on TAM that they got what they wanted outside the testing facility when the WS broke down. I have yet to hear anyone actually get what they wanted from the test.


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## Count of Monte Cristo

AlphaHalf said:


> Your going to forgive her for probably kissing you with another mans sperm in her mouth???


Actually, she made him give her oral sex AFTER being with the other man. MUCH WORSE!!


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## warlock07

Or it is just cheaper to keep him in the marriage(OP is a SAHD)


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## here2learn

Ew, I get squeamish having to use a public toilet immediately after someone else. She showed you no respect by cheating on you, and then really threw out any chance of R by having you enjoy sloppy seconds. 

It sucks for the kids and I know you hate to break up the family, but obviously she had no qualms about that when she did what she did. This is the consequence of her actions, not yours.


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## thunderstruck

I am generally pro-marriage, but no coming back from this one. I'd want to vomit everytime I'd look at my W after hearing that story.


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## ArmyofJuan

I’m with everyone else, this is just too humiliating. Wait a couple of months to get your head straight and avoid talking to her as much as possible during that time. Pretend you are on vacation from the M if you want.

Odds are, you will regret a R more than a D so you need to take R off the table. People can recover from an A but in your case, I wouldn’t even think about. She could have at least cleaned herself up first but she didn’t because she did want you to be a ****. Your W is a horrible person and you shouldn’t reward her with staying in the M.


----------



## Simon Phoenix

Okay, I've read enough to come to a conclusion. Let me get this straight; she not only confessed to an affair but to coming home for you to perform mop-up duty over a dozen times, even orally, and now wants you back? Did I miss something here?

I wished that I could come up with a reason for you to forgive and take her back but I can't. She put your health at risk by not only sleeping around on you but allowing you to go down on her after someone else had just finished unloading his seed in her. You might as well had sex with him those nights. And now she wants back in because ole boy is moving away, thus handing you the silver medal as if she's doing you a favor. Well, all I know is that you never want to finish second in a butt-kicking contest and you never EVER want to be the second choice or man of last resort for your spouse. 

Ask yourself this simple question; would she be so quick to take you back if roles were reversed? Would she had been as excited to get down on her knees and perform if you smelled like and still had the residue of another woman's hooch on your Johnson? When my own ex couldn't answer that question honestly, I knew that it was time to go. Get the point? 

Dude, its time to take out the ole shotgun and put this dog of a marriage down for good. There are plenty of available women out there who won't humiliate you in this manner...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## confusedhusband1

Thanks again for all the advice and support. I have calmed down from where I was a couple of weeks ago, but am still crushed. I am being very firm with her, but am willing to take my time before I make a final decision to divorce or not.

Hm64 thanks again. Yes I am a stay at home dad and she said she would be willing to sign a pre nup where basically if she goes and strays again I will have her over a barrell for quite a few years. I won't accept anything less if we stay married.


----------



## Caribbean Man

Complexity said:


> *It takes a certain evil to intentionally humiliate someone like that. To cheat is one thing, but for her to come home so you'd purposely "clean up" the other guy? *
> 
> I don't think I could look myself in the mirror if I stayed with someone like that.
> 
> Eitherway I'm so sorry you went through this and wish you the best, whatever decision you take.


:iagree:............its a pity mostly males " liked " your post.
Just sayin'.


----------



## thunderstruck

confusedhusband1 said:


> ...and her guy is also in the process of moving out of state.


This means nothing. He can still visit, and you can still end up with seconds.


----------



## walkonmars

The level of contempt she has/had for you is manifested by her demanding 'cleanup' from you immediately following her trysts.

I wouldn't be surprised (nor should you) to discover you were the topic of amusing conversation between your spouse and her man. Simply unconscionable and intolerable!


----------



## warlock07

confusedhusband1 said:


> Hm64 thanks again. Yes I am a stay at home dad and she said she would be willing to sign a pre nup where basically if she goes and strays again I will have her over a barrell for quite a few years. I won't accept anything less if we stay married.


Most "post-nups"(not pre-nup) terms don't hold up in court.They are at mostly at the judge's discretion.And you would need to prove further infidelity. She can still be abusive, demean you, disrespect you and the post-nup will mean nothing. Offering a post-nup means nothing now. It only speaks about intent.

And you being convinced by a post-nup doesn't sound good at all. This woman is evil. She did not just have an affair. She got off on humiliating you.Some extra money shouldn't influence your decision at all


----------



## Kallan Pavithran

In cheaters website i read a story of WS who after swallowing her OMs seeds goes straight to her husband and give him a french kiss, she did this because it was a turn on for her. Even the the hardcore cheaters were aganist her doings. Now reading your post made me very sad for you, and your decision to reconcile with her made me more sad.

How can you look into the mirror and feel good? How can you ever do oral on her? even sex with her.

Ohhhhhhh.........

For what ever the reasons is or even if I have to live the rest of my life without a women, I wont take her back............Its not tooooo much its horrible.


----------



## happyman64

confusedhusband1 said:


> Thanks again for all the advice and support. I have calmed down from where I was a couple of weeks ago, but am still crushed. I am being very firm with her, but am willing to take my time before I make a final decision to divorce or not.
> 
> Hm64 thanks again. Yes I am a stay at home dad and she said she would be willing to sign a pre nup where basically if she goes and strays again I will have her over a barrell for quite a few years. I won't accept anything less if we stay married.


CH1

I always say time is on your side. It is yours to use how you want to use it.

*Use the time to evaluate your wife. Judge her by her actions.
*Use the time to evaluate your marriage and how much it means to you.
*Use the time to evaluate your life and if you can still love your wife in a new meaningful way.


It is good that you have calmed down. Do not worry, everyone will be upset for you for a long time.

And no matter what, tell your wife to find a good counselor to figure out why she had an affair.

Good Luck. I remember what it is like to love someone that you hate at the moment. 

Hm64


----------



## larry.gray

You should ask her if she did this the other way around. Had sex with you and then had him go down on her.

That will tell you who she respected and who she got off on by demeaning him.


----------



## Jonesey

Kallan Pavithran said:


> In cheaters website i read a story of WS who after swallowing her OMs seeds goes straight to her husband and give him a french kiss, she did this because it was a turn on for her. Even the the hardcore cheaters were aganist her doings. Now reading your post made me very sad for you, and your decision to reconcile with her made me more sad.
> 
> How can you look into the mirror and feel good? How can you ever do oral on her? even sex with her.
> 
> Ohhhhhhh.........
> 
> For what ever the reasons is or even if I have to live the rest of my life without a women, I wont take her back............Its not tooooo much its horrible.


Its the same thing she cheating wife bangs OM in the marital bed..And then doing her husband liter in the evening..Strangly the never bang each other i OM´marital bed..Thrill turn on..


----------



## Hicks

confusedhusband1 said:


> I got great advice last time and am just looking for some more. Before I started in this forum I didn't even know what the term cuckold meant. She said she wasn't making me clean her up to be mean or humiliating, just for the sexual feeling of it. Which doesn't mean a squirt of piss to me.
> 
> Thanks for the help and support.


It was a malicous act of hate.

It will be hard to ever recover your marriage, becuase if you take her back after she admitted this, she will never respect you.

You have to keep rejecting her, move quickly toward divorce, tell her parents this information, and resolve never to CONSIDER taking her back until she is crying, remorseful, and begging for a chance.

Do not ASK her to take a lie detector test, close facebook or do a darn thing. Move forward and judge her by the actions SHE CHOOSES.


----------



## AlphaHalf

Sometimes you just got to move on. Honestly ask yourself, what have you done to deserve being treated like that? You need to find somebody else who deserves your time.


----------



## chillymorn

No divorce her and make her pay you alimony if possible and take her to the bank like so many women do.


----------



## The bishop

I can't believe you are even considering staying with her. I am a cheater (serial one) and what she did to you makes my stomach hurt... how can you even look at her. OP- There are many many many wonderful women in this world who would love to share their lives with the out most respect to you and your children. GET AWAY FROM HER, OMG how awful


----------



## Toffer

"and her guy is also in the process of moving out of state"

And now her parents say she's sad and misses you and the kids? Her joy toy will no longer be available for her so now you don't have to worry about getting the other man's "love juices" on your member or your tongue.

Have her sign over the house to you and do everything else she's promised to do. Once that becomes binding, dump her!

She has shown you absolutely no respect or regard. She went out of her way to cuckhold you without your knowledge or approval.


----------



## crossbar

confusedhusband1 said:


> She said she wasn't making me clean her up to be mean or humiliating, just for the sexual feeling of it. Which doesn't mean a squirt of piss to me.


Nope, sorry dude. What she did was calculated, mean and wrong. If she had a shread of guilt, remorse or shame; she would have NEVER allowed your face to go near that area after she just had sex. She got off on the fact that you were cleaning up some other dude's mess. She probably had a good laugh about it and she wanted you to do oral on her probably at that dude's request. "Here, I just made a deposit and I want your husband to clean it up. Then, I want you to come back and tell me all about it." They probably had a good laugh at your expense. 

Dude, that was a massive line that was crossed. That should be the ultimate dealbreaker for you.


----------



## snap

larry.gray said:


> You should ask her if she did this the other way around. Had sex with you and then had him go down on her.
> 
> That will tell you who she respected and who she got off on by demeaning him.


I suspect we already know the answer to that..


----------



## Plan 9 from OS

At a minimum, you and your wife should sit down with her parents together and MAKE her spill out every gory detail about how she demeaned her. You need to make her feel empathy for you somehow. I can't think of any better way than to have her tell her parents how screwed up their little girl really is. I think the shame of breaking her father's heart will be a start. Not saying you should reconcile with her, but at least hold her accountable over it.


----------



## larry.gray

snap said:


> I suspect we already know the answer to that..


We most likely do. Just make her own up to it. Make her own up that her getting off on it is precisely because it is humiliating her husband.


----------



## larry.gray

Plan 9 from OS said:


> At a minimum, you and your wife should sit down with her parents together and MAKE her spill out every gory detail about how she demeaned her. You need to make her feel empathy for you somehow. I can't think of any better way than to have her tell her parents how screwed up their little girl really is. I think the shame of breaking her father's heart will be a start. Not saying you should reconcile with her, but at least hold her accountable over it.


I second that.

I'd also make her aware that at any time in the future, you could tell a man she's getting serious about this info.


----------



## Mitch13

My vote is to talk it through with her. Openly discuss everything.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## larry.gray

After all, who wouldn't want that info before marriage? You'd be sad, but also deeply grateful that you can dodge being made into a cuckold too.


----------



## Runs like Dog

Another chance of what?


----------



## hookares

Caribbean Man said:


> :iagree:............its a pity mostly males " liked " your post.
> Just sayin'.


Are you surprised? I'm not.


----------



## Shaggy

She went beyond cheating, she took it to level of one of the most humiliating things she could do to you.

And she got off on doing that to you.

I wouldn't ever be able to be intimate with someone that hates me that much, and there is no way she could have done what she did without a deep deep feeling of hatred toward you.

It's one thing for her to not be in love with you, but she actually revealed her contempt and hatred for you.


----------



## chillymorn

ewww, yuck and how about a head slap........time to move on.


----------



## KanDo

I am so sorry for you.HOw humiliating. I am even more sorry that you would even consider remaining with this woman! Respect yourself even just a little! Recognize that she has NO respect for you. Perhaps this is because you are the SAHD. You are a man. You deserve better than this. Get a divorce and move on. Now I have to leave my computer an go puke!


----------



## larry.gray

hookares said:


> Are you surprised? I'm not.


I've gotten quite a few likes from detailing the ways that this is a deeply vile, contemptible woman.

I don't consider it an honor.


----------



## jnj express

If this were me this would have been zero tolerance---and gone straight to D., but you are not me---so I will just give you this one bit of info, if you are gonna try and R.

This is not a pre--nup----this is a POST--NUP---your wife is an atty. and will have a good atty repping her if it gets to that point, so get your terminology right.---This agreement is made after vows are taken.

Also you MUST, and I stress MUST, put in a DURESS clause---She must write in the post nup---that she is doing this of her free will, she was not forced or coerced, and no duress was put upon her to sign the post--nup----without this clause, where she states she agreed to this of her own free will---a judge will toss the post--nup


----------



## Malaise

larry.gray said:


> I've gotten quite a few likes from detailing the ways that this is a deeply vile, contemptible woman.
> 
> I don't consider it an honor.


I understand. But someone like me will 'like' a post such as yours to give my emphatic agreement. In your case no number of likes could show my disgust enough.

Some things have to be recognized quite clearly for what they are.


----------



## sandc

I was talking to my wife about this. She didn't really get the implications of the oral sex after sex with the other man. She just thought your wife was feeling sexy and wanted more sex. Not right but at least she could understand it. I then asked her... "What if I had sex with that woman at work that had a crush on me then came home and without washing myself asked you for a blow job?"

Her answer was "oh yuck, he needs to divorce her."


----------



## TDSC60

sandc said:


> I was talking to my wife about this. She didn't really get the implications of the oral sex after sex with the other man. She just thought your wife was feeling sexy and wanted more sex. Not right but at least she could understand it. I then asked her... "What if I had sex with that woman at work that had a crush on me then came home and without washing myself asked you for a blow job?"
> 
> Her answer was "oh yuck, he needs to divorce her."


I also discussed this with my wife. At first she had a sort of blank, questioning look on her face. Then it was almost a look of horror as the true meaning of what I said began to dawn on her.

Her reaction "OMG"


----------



## Count of Monte Cristo

Am I the only one thinking that I would notice a difference in taste and aroma while servicing her orally?


----------



## Count of Monte Cristo

As diabolical as OP's wife is, she probably drizzled a little honey down there to make him think he was getting something really special.

(Dayum, now I gotta go barf.)


----------



## HappyHubby

Or she did do a minor cleanup first so as not to get it all over underwear.. I mean tahts typical. Maybe it was only traces remaining.. and it just wasnt noticeable over her taste. Still yuck though.


----------



## Count of Monte Cristo




----------



## HappyHubby

Too Graphic?? I was just trying to be logical. Sorry OP. Ive done it to my wife for round 2 after having sex with her... she had cleaned up and I forgot as I got lost in the moment. Im a fiend for it lol. Didnt really notice actually.. 

But the thought of it was okay cause it was me.


----------



## Count of Monte Cristo

tdwal said:


> Too much information.


:iagree::iagree::iagree:


----------



## Badblood

OK, OP, here is the deal. NO!! NO!! and HELL NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


----------



## Jonesey

Oh man.This thread has become a really warped one.


----------



## WasDecimated

This is a really disturbing topic to read about. 

If it was me...No F*****g way would I give her a second chance after something like that. It is the ultimate in premeditated selfishness, disrespect and humiliation.

Here is something equally disturbing to think about. According to the Mayo clinic...a mans baby batter can live inside a women for as much as 7 to 10 days. That being said, how many betrayed husbands have inadvertently "cleaned up" within that time frame without knowing? Not quite as bad a the premeditated and much shorter time frames that this poor guy was subjected to...but still down right nasty.


----------



## Badblood

Decimated said:


> This is a really disturbing topic to read about.
> 
> If it was me...No F*****g way would I give her a second chance after something like that. It is the ultimate in premeditated selfishness, disrespect and humiliation.
> 
> Here is something equally disturbing to think about. According to the Mayo clinic...a mans baby batter can live inside a women for as much as 7 to 10 days. That being said, how many betrayed husbands have inadvertently "cleaned up" within that time frame without knowing? Not quite as bad a the premeditated and much shorter time frames that this poor guy was subjected to...but still down right nasty.


Geez, dude , you could have talked all day and not said that crap. I was just getting ready to eat a sammich, too.


----------



## Jibril

Badblood said:


> Geez, dude , you could have talked all day and not said that crap. I was just getting ready to eat a sammich, too.


Just make sure that's real mayonnaise in that sammich of yours...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jonesey

Jibril said:


> Just make sure that's real mayonnaise in that sammich of yours...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



:lol::rofl: sorry could not help my self


----------



## Badblood

Jibril said:


> Just make sure that's real mayonnaise in that sammich of yours...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


 Don't eat mayo or miracle whip either. Disgusting stuff. smells bad too like spoiled milk. Makes me almost as sick as this thread does. Jibril, you are one nasty chick!!


----------



## Jonesey

Badblood said:


> Don't eat mayo or miracle whip either. Disgusting stuff. smells bad too like spoiled milk. Makes me almost as sick as this thread does. Jibril, you are one nasty chick!!


She most certainly is


----------



## warlock07

Jibril is a guy.


----------



## Badblood

warlock07 said:


> Jibril is a guy.


Seriously? Geez, sorry about that, DUDE, my bad.


----------



## Badblood

warlock07 said:


> Jibril is a guy.


Warlock, you old perv. You need to be a mod. You know more about this site than about anybody else.:smthumbup:


----------



## Dewy

Badblood said:


> OK, OP, here is the deal. NO!! NO!! and HELL NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Are you a man, there is something very wrong with her and until she knows why and then deals with it you will never be safe.
I think you feel that R would be the less painful all around. Guess what? D will help you heal much faster it will give you your manhood back


----------



## lovelygirl

Badblood said:


> Seriously? Geez, sorry about that, DUDE, my bad.


Lol his girly avatar is confusing. 
I, too, thought he was a girl up until recently.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Badblood

lovelygirl said:


> Lol his girly avatar is confusing.
> I, too, thought he was a girl up until recently.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


That's what I thought, too. Now I just feel stupid.


----------



## theOTHERman

I cant see the problem, Your wife is crying out to you without words. She wants you and loves you but wants new experiences. So give her what she wants if you love her. Swinging sounds like the way, its not for everyone but for her yes... you... maybe not but if you try it you might like it. it would probably keep your relationship together and you get to have some great fun!


----------



## mel123

OP....I felt NAUSEATED after reading what she done to you. Cheating is terrible but what she done was sick, hateful and degrading to you. She also planned it that way, in my thinking............ Your wife is a emotionally sick person. Get your kids AWAY from her and her influence.


----------



## HappyHubby

theOTHERman said:


> I cant see the problem, Your wife is crying out to you without words. She wants you and loves you but wants new experiences. So give her what she wants if you love her. Swinging sounds like the way, its not for everyone but for her yes... you... maybe not but if you try it you might like it. it would probably keep your relationship together and you get to have some great fun!


If your game, that could be interesting. It might actually backfire on her when she sees you banging another woman in front of her eyes and you making it clear that you LOVE it. lol. You can even tell her to return the favour by cleaning up your dingdong after your done with the woman, that it would turn you on.


----------



## Badblood

theOTHERman said:


> I cant see the problem, Your wife is crying out to you without words. She wants you and loves you but wants new experiences. So give her what she wants if you love her. Swinging sounds like the way, its not for everyone but for her yes... you... maybe not but if you try it you might like it. it would probably keep your relationship together and you get to have some great fun!


Oh, Yes. This is a great idea. The OP is having trouble with his wife doing it with ONE man, so how would it be better with MORE than one? If his wife was a junkie would you give her MORE junk? That's really going to help the OP, after all, nothing says loving like a gangbang.


----------



## lovelygirl

Badblood said:


> Oh, Yes. This is a great idea. The OP is having trouble with his wife doing it with ONE man, so how would it be better with MORE than one? If his wife was a junkie would you give her MORE junk? That's really going to help the OP, after all, nothing says loving like a gangbang.


Judging from his username and other posts on the forum I'd say he's a troll. So I wouldn't feed him at this point.


----------



## theOTHERman

life is fun, just roll with it. peace love and sprinkles. its all good.

ive been a few swinging experiences with my wife and sure some guys with bigger you know whats (little insecure but i delt with my emotions) but she had fun, i had fun and that is all that matters.


----------



## Badblood

That swinging is some sick sh*t. There were some Navy officers and their wives who had a group at Coronado. They were always wanting me and some of the other Brothers to come over so they could have a "BBC', night. Even offered to pay our expenses. So the white guys could watch us do their wives. A couple Marines , I'm sorry to say, actually did it and said it was pretty disgusting. They didn't go back.


----------



## theOTHERman

there are different situations and atmospheres i suppose, all of mine were relaxed at a personal house... some booze and lots of laughs. not some porn style thing. 
speaking of porn... it really can destroy sex for people and relationships... its total staged and not real at all.... well its real they filmed it but its all an act. some guys think that women or porn situations should be in their bedroom or something is wrong. that is devastating to the relationship cuz its not natural, sex is not like that at all. regardless of what many guy would like to think sex is more emotional if anything else.

watching is not for me for for some it is, lots of different people out there. life is so diverse. its beautiful.


----------



## Badblood

Well, Dude, the Brothers who went said that it was really messy, and kind of like a freak show. I don't know anything about the porn end of it, but from what they said, I don't want to know.


----------



## Badblood

No Dude, sometimes life isn't beautiful at all. It's not beautiful in Iraq and it's not beautiful in Afghanistan.


----------



## theOTHERman

yeah i can agree with you on that although i have zero 1st hand experience there. 
My father was in Korea and my grand father a POW by the nazis, ive heard some stories from them but the reality of the situations they were in daily is totally different...... but for sanity you gotta see some good in things cuz it is there, just gotta look hard at the little simple things. thats what they both taught me one on one. life is beautiful.


----------



## Kallan Pavithran

What happened to OP? Did he reconcile with his lovely wife?


----------



## happyman64

Badblood said:


> No Dude, sometimes life isn't beautiful at all. It's not beautiful in Iraq and it's not beautiful in Afghanistan.


You got that right Badblood.

And life will never be beautiful over there because they do not value life.


----------



## Badblood

happyman64 said:


> You got that right Badblood.
> 
> And life will never be beautiful over there because they do not value life.


That's not true. I've seen PLENTY of Muslim women and men criying over their dead. I've seen too many, in fact. When you see a woman holding the body of her dead baby for DAYS, totally catatonic, you understand that there isn't much difference between us, after all. Don't believe the propaganda.


----------



## happyman64

Badblood said:


> That's not true. I've seen PLENTY of Muslim women and men criying over their dead. I've seen too many, in fact. When you see a woman holding the body of her dead baby for DAYS, totally catatonic, you understand that there isn't much difference between us, after all. Don't believe the propaganda.


Sorry. I was referring to their government and feudal tribes.

Not the people themselves.


----------



## Acabado

> Cheating is terrible but what she done was sick, hateful and degrading to you. *She also planned it that way, in my thinking............ *Your wife is a emotionally sick person. Get your kids AWAY from her and her influence


The bolded part. Everybody here is taking it as a fact. But that's all, what we imagine or asume, not necesary the truth. We asume the motivations, councious or not. It has to be known yet.

I have no doubt something like this (sex same day, same right after OM) happened to many BHs here, even those who are reconciling. I had sex with my wife after being with her OM three times, even it was obviously duty sex.


----------



## sandc

OP? You still there?

I think the threadjack made him bail? Or else with all the comments he's too overwhelmed to say anything more at this point.


----------



## hookares

Badblood said:


> That's not true. I've seen PLENTY of Muslim women and men criying over their dead. I've seen too many, in fact. When you see a woman holding the body of her dead baby for DAYS, totally catatonic, you understand that there isn't much difference between us, after all. Don't believe the propaganda.


Yeah, teaching your kid that if he or she straps explosives on their person and walk into a crowd of "infidels" and blow themselves up in order to be ushered into some mythical place where there will be 100 virgins awaiting them is no indication that the parent doesn't "love them".


----------



## Badblood

hookares said:


> Yeah, teaching your kid that if he or she straps explosives on their person and walk into a crowd of "infidels" and blow their-selves up in order to be ushered into some mythical place where there will be 100 virgins awaiting them is no indication that the parent doesn't "love them".


I'm sorry for the T/J . It was just an aside thought, and as soon as I answer Hook and Happyman, I will get back on topic, promise!! Hook, have you been there? Do you know any of those people? I have and I do. Happyman, Sometimes their leadership is really bad by our standards, and sometimes our leadership is bad by theirs. I've known some of their Imams, who are reasonable , well-spoken, Gentlemen, while other leaders are crazy. Pretty much like any other country. OK.......Back to the thread. I agree that this is beginning to sound like a deliberate action on the wife's part, to humiliate her husband. But to whom is it directed? Was she trying to show the OM that she was his, by disrespecting her husband in such a vile way? Or was it aimed at her husband as an act of disdain and hatred?


----------



## husbandfool

OP disappeared.


----------



## tonyarz

My wife did this to me and we are still together and better than ever. You have to forgive. Treat her like a princess and don't give up on her.


----------



## frank29

Not a chance the last thing i want is a form of VD i said to my last girlfriend when she F..ked about i do not want to have a new family of bugs on my willy on top of that i do not do second hand so have sex and travel she has gone


----------



## bahbahsheep

I am a female and perhaps not the best to put myself into the mens shoes.

I however, would be scared if my wife behaved like that - and ask myself lot of questions, not so much of Is she not happy with me or did I fail to satisfy her but more an issue of 

"why didn't I know that she was this kind of person?"


----------



## SandyLady80

confusedhusband1 said:


> Thanks fellas. I did get tested right away. She has basically offered to do anything to keep our family together. I know I won't be able to forget or forgive her for awhile and she is ok with that.
> 
> If we are able to stay together what kind of safeguards should I put in place. Obviously no contact with the om, he is moving.


I think whatever you do, you should give it a little time. With so much at stake, a knee-jerk divorce isn't a good idea, in my opinion. I think you need to try to find the root of this. Is your wife a deviant? I'm gonna go out on a limb and say she probably isn't, which leaves questions open as to why she would do this to you. It seems like her actions were an extreme form of passive aggressiveness. It seems like a very hostile action. What in your relationship could create such disrespect and disdain towards you? These are the things you can work through in counseling. When I was a teenager, I worked at a gas station, and part of my job was to make the deli sandwiches that we sold. One day, one of my co-workers admitted to me that another one of our classmates had come in one day asking for a sandwich. My co-worker had gone in the back to make one, and she had spit right in the middle of it. I can't remember the details, but she did that because of something the classmate had said or done that pissed her off. Anyway... my point... On a much much grander scale, this seems to be what your wife has done to you. If you can figure out what it is that she doesn't have the nerve to address (or maybe she's tried), then maybe you can repair this. Maybe not, and that's okay too, but I'd say it's worth a try.


----------



## chillymorn

crazy just fing crazy!!!!!!!!!!


----------



## kenmoore14217

Call my a skeptic but if this is legit you're willingness to take her back speaks volumes as to why she did it in the first place!


----------



## JCD

If I were the OP and I considered reconciling...or even considering it, I certainly wouldn't bring it back up here considering how skeptical and negative the comments have been.

Granted, I AGREE with the comments, but going soft will just subject him to more scorn. 

OP, IF you are still following this (and I don't think you are), first read this. If you decide to reconcile (and read to the END of the paragraph!) you are selling your dignity for money *AND THAT'S OKAY!* I saw a kid in a Bagger Vance outfit swiging a sign for a restaurant. He's selling his dignity. That hawt girl on the stipper pole? She's CERTAINLY selling her dignity! And yes, half the posters here put on lip gloss before they pucker up for their boss' daily rectal frenching in hopes of advancement.

So it's a matter of degree and a matter of payment. We all sell our dignity somewhat. *YOU* deserve some BIG BUCKS!


might I make a few suggestions.

Sure, make her sign the house over, IC, MC blah blah blah.

I would have her sign a confession with a non-duress disclosure. Make a few copies, seal them and hide them (You can use it to firebomb later relationships if you want)

I would have a non-associated with her practice legal team do the post nup (btw, you DID think of attaching her percentage of any business ownership or partnership she has, right?) and have ANOTHER legal team (also independent) ANALYZE the post nup for flaws. SHE, of course, pays for all of this.

I don't trust lawyers so I don't think either your post nup or your deed transferal will hold up.

What MAY hold up is this: You have HER PERSONALLY withdraw half her 401k and stock options and give them to you. NOW. You have her (WITH YOU) get as large a personal loan IN HER NAME ONLY which she than gives to you.

That is step one.

Step two is grabbing a credit card of hers, getting a plane ticket to Vegas, a large cash advance and a handful of her jewelry (Including Nanner's Broach) and go have a time in Vegas for 4 days...ALONE.

You dont warn her so she can't have you followed. Buy some prepaid credit cards for hotels and have yourself a time. Hock the jewelry, keep it for your kids, or, my personal favorite, give Nanner's broach to a hooker for a hummer.

She can't prove how much assets you have (If you are as foolish as you have heretofore shown, you will come back broke. ) Then you stash the cash so if you DO get a divorce, she can't go after it.

This hits her on many levels and still gives you some recompense.

Not enough, but I'm doing what I can for you.


----------



## JCD

OP

*Listen carefully to me!*

Do not listen to those saying time is on your side!

It is NOT!

If you do not file within a certain period of time, you are considered 'okay' with whatever wifey dished out to you.

Now, I don't know how long that is, but damned skippy your wife knows!

So be advised to seek counsel anyway before some of your options go away!


----------



## aug

From his other thread, his wife is a lawyer and OP is a stay-at-home dad.

If the certain period of time is valid, then the wife is setting him up.


----------



## sinnister

jeepers OP your story gave me the creepers!

Think hard (but not long) about R. I would have a very bad reaction to this.


----------



## Complexity

tonyarz said:


> My wife did this to me and we are still together and better than ever. You have to forgive. Treat her like a princess and don't give up on her.


sigh


----------



## CH

TDSC60 said:


> So her lover is moving out of the State and NOW she wants another chance with you.
> 
> Personally I could not get over the humiliation of her having sex with her OM then coming home to have sex with me including oral on her (gag, puke, and gag again).
> 
> Evil and demonic.


This says it all. You're a big hearted person if you take her back.

BTW, have you ever thought about the triggers of ever having sex with her again? Can you do it or will the triggers forever ruin sex for you with her?


----------



## DavidWYoung

She is going to do it again because it is a drug to her and there is nothing you can do about it. Read the comments in the cheaters blog and you will see.


----------



## Vanguard

This woman should be annihilated.


----------



## aug

WhiteMousse said:


> This woman should be annihilated.


but she's probably a good ruthless lawyer.

--which is why OP needs to get another ruthless lawyer on his side.


----------



## Vanguard

aug said:


> but she's probably a good ruthless lawyer.
> 
> --which is why OP needs to get another ruthless lawyer on his side.


Law has nothing on unbridled rage.


----------



## alphaomega

Naw.....


I'm more evil now...

I'd screw the hell out of her like a rabid monkey.....

Then I'd get bored...

Then I'd kick her to the curb.


----------



## Thinkitthrough

Taking her back would be proof positive that at times love is deaf dumb, blind and stupid.


----------



## RandomDude

Personally if my wife cheated then I would be pimping her out left right and center lol
I always wanted to share her after all

However, will I ever love, trust, and respect her if she ever did? Never again, she'll only be around for my sexual enjoyment as a **** until I find someone else or she moves on. A part of me is still cold-hearted but thankfully she hasn't brought that out in me yet.


----------



## Vanguard

RandomDude said:


> Personally if my wife cheated then I would be pimping her out left right and center lol
> I always wanted to share her after all
> 
> However, will I ever love, trust, and respect her if she ever did? Never again, she'll only be around for my sexual enjoyment as a **** until I find someone else or she moves on. A part of me is still cold-hearted but thankfully she hasn't brought that out in me yet.


I volunteer.


----------



## Count of Monte Cristo

JCD said:


> What MAY hold up is this: *You have HER PERSONALLY withdraw half her 401k and stock options and give them to you. *NOW. You have her (WITH YOU) get as large a personal loan IN HER NAME ONLY which she than gives to you.


I disagree with this advice. He's entitled to 1/2 her 401k as part of a Qualified Domestic Relations Order (QDRO). By withdrawing early, Uncle Sam will take at least 40% of the total in taxes and penalty.


----------



## JCD

Count of Monte Cristo said:


> I disagree with this advice. He's entitled to 1/2 her 401k as part of a Qualified Domestic Relations Order (QDRO). By withdrawing early, Uncle Sam will take at least 40% of the total in taxes and penalty.


That is true...but I figure she's going to screw with any alimony she'd want to deny him (the reason there are so few deadbeat moms is there are so few female primary breadwinnners with any means)

If he has a pile of cash hidden somewhere, there is no manuvering, no frozen accounts, refiguring the house at pre real estate crash values etc in the aftermath of a divorce.

And that money won't be gaining any interest either. But it will be HIS and not HERS. No take backs. No renegotiating.

He gets to choose how he wants to deal with it. The other thing is it is listed as income so it will be tagged in HER tax returns.


----------



## stevehowefan

Welcome, George. This here thread is purty old.


----------



## MattMatt

stevehowefan said:


> Welcome, George. This here thread is purty old.


I'd forgotten about this thread. It is one of the few threads that really made me feel physically ill.

Hope the OP is doing OK, no matter what he decided to do.


----------



## SomedayDig

MattMatt said:


> I'd forgotten about this thread. It is one of the few threads that really made me feel physically ill.
> 
> Hope the OP is doing OK, no matter what he decided to do.


I agree...this was a tough one.

On a side note - I always find it interesting how on a thread this size the OP has 4 posts and everyone has far more! Don't know why that always makes me shake my head. Confusion on OP's part or something I guess.


----------



## weightlifter

Deliberate sloppy seconds??? I can tell you are going to R but... R is a bad decision. That is evil.


----------



## GROUNDPOUNDER

My guess is, he tried R'ing with this bute of a WS and didn't have the nerve to post it here. I mean, if he was going to, or had, divorced her, I think he would have wanted us to know.

I felt and still feel bad for this guy. I hope he's doing better.


----------



## The-Deceived

Divorce her. That's bloody awful.

You'll likely find your resentment for her will eat you alive if you stay with her.


----------



## confusedhusband1

Hey all. So I intentionally stayed away from posting on the board for awhile, but was overwhelmed by the support via pms. My wife and I are still together and very happy. We are back to a happy and healthy marriage. We make time for each other, have date nights, and are back to being sexually intimate again. 

We went to counseling and it took a solid year to get all the feelings out. I am back to trusting her again. I still stay home with our kids and am very involved with their school activities. If it weren't for them I know I would have seeked a divorce, but I thought keeping the family together would be best for them and it has been.


----------



## Malaise

Did she sign that post nup for you, as you stated way back?

What consequences has she faced, if any?

Did you just sweep this under the rug?

What has she done, not said, to make you trust her?

Has she explained, truthfully, why she had you do oral after she was with OM ? I would love to hear THAT.


----------



## harrybrown

Did she tell you what she could do for you to show you that you were number 1, since she treated you so badly with the oral sex after the OM?

Did she write a timeline for you and tell you the very last time she had any contact with the OM? 

Was this her only affair, other than the one night stand?


----------



## manticore

I can sincerely tell you 2 things.

I hope your happines is real, and your wife have had a change of hearth and can apreciate the tremendous act of forgiveness you did, because what she did to you is not normal cheating (if there is something like normal in the cheating process), her turn on was set higher by humiliating and degrading you, I hope she can clearly see the monumental strength that a man needs, to let that that go and try to save the little love that still survived to make the relationship work.

second I can not honestly tell you what I think of your wife and your situation because at this point is just poison to your relationship and family, I just hope that you don't let your guard down and allow yourself fall in a comfort zone, just be aware that if she could let go the OM that easily it means that OM was never a factor, but the thrill of the affair was the motivator, which means a new OM can pop out of nowhere if she decide she wants one.

Finally remember you are the example for your kids, and sometimes making the best decission for them does not imply staying with the WS, I hope she has reformed herself, and now has you and your kids as her priority, take care of you and your kids, and always remember that keeping your integrity and dignity is also what is best for your kids


----------



## Want2babettrme

confusedhusband1 said:


> Thanks again for all the advice and support. I have calmed down from where I was a couple of weeks ago, but am still crushed. I am being very firm with her, but am willing to take my time before I make a final decision to divorce or not.
> 
> Hm64 thanks again. Yes I am a stay at home dad and she said she would be willing to sign a pre nup where basically if she goes and strays again I will have her over a barrell for quite a few years. I won't accept anything less if we stay married.



CH1,

Her sexual feeling from having you clean her up after the OM came from the disrespect, betrayal and taboo nature of it. If she isn't evil, her actions were! 

I agree with what the other responders have suggested; test for STDs, timeline, full details about the A, complete and utter transparency, she does all the heavy lifting to help you heal, IC and MC, she figures out why she did this to you and what she can do to prevent it ever happening again. 

In addition, she should sign the house over to you, give you full custody, and sign and agreement providing lifetime alimony.

These should all be conditions to be completed to your satisfaction with no expectation of reconciling. She needs to prove herself able and willing to make changes in order for you to even consider reconciling. 

However, I do not think you should reconcile. The decision is yours alone, take your time.


----------



## syhoybenden

I don't get it. You can trust her after she made you eat some guy's spooge out of her?:scratchhead:


----------



## Want2babettrme

theOTHERman said:


> I cant see the problem, Your wife is crying out to you without words. She wants you and loves you but wants new experiences. So give her what she wants if you love her. Swinging sounds like the way, its not for everyone but for her yes... you... maybe not but if you try it you might like it. it would probably keep your relationship together and you get to have some great fun!



This may be the exception to the rule for a revenge affair. Tell her you want a free pass to have sex with another woman, the come home and have your WW clean up. Fifteen times. With the WW making arrangements for finding the revenge AP. 

An eye for and eye so to speak.


----------



## LostViking

syhoybenden said:


> I don't get it. You can trust her after she made you eat some guy's spooge out of her?:scratchhead:


Yeah I think most men would take that as a deal-breaker. 

I don't believe a word of this thread...

Bye.


----------



## Want2babettrme

Well, I shot my mouth off without reading the whole thread and paying attention to dates first.

I apologize for wasting your time, electricity and patience.


----------



## weightlifter

OP came back.

Deliberate sloppy seconds. Deliberate having him eat another mans load... Sometimes people are too forgiving.

GL OP


----------



## UsernameHere

Writer said:


> I usually am all for R if the BS decides for it. If my WH came home and encouraged oral sex on him after he was with another woman, I don't think I could get over that sort of betrayal. It is a complete disregard for her BS. I hate to say that part turned my stomach.
> 
> If you haven't, get tested for STDs.


That has to be the lowest type of humiliation possible, I couldn't get over this. This smacks of her complete comptempt for you, this would be unforgivable for me.


----------



## BobSimmons

Seems the man made his choice. Best to just respect that..because it is his choice. His life. Good luck


----------



## the guy

confusedhusband1 said:


> , and are back to being sexually intimate again.
> .


Good for you guys.

Your old lady sound like a real freak and I hope the both of you are having lots freaky sex.

I hope now that she has come to term in what she is and what she wants you and you alone recieve the benifits.


----------



## ThePheonix

confusedhusband1 said:


> My wife and I are still together and very happy. We are back to a happy and healthy marriage. We make time for each other, have date nights, and are back to being sexually intimate again.


Its like my neighbors truck. We give it a jump start and it takes him where he needs to go.


----------



## kristin2349

I hadn't seen this thread when it was first posted, some things you can't un-see. Ugh, this makes me wonder what kind of sick kink would cause a person to debase another in this way. 

Just all kinds of wrong, Makes me want to drink pure grain with a sanitizer gel chaser just reading it.


----------



## sidney2718

confusedhusband1 said:


> Hey all. So I intentionally stayed away from posting on the board for awhile, but was overwhelmed by the support via pms. My wife and I are still together and very happy. We are back to a happy and healthy marriage. We make time for each other, have date nights, and are back to being sexually intimate again.
> 
> We went to counseling and it took a solid year to get all the feelings out. I am back to trusting her again. I still stay home with our kids and am very involved with their school activities. If it weren't for them I know I would have seeked a divorce, but I thought keeping the family together would be best for them and it has been.


Good for you! I wish you and your wife the best.


----------



## sidney2718

weightlifter said:


> OP came back.
> 
> Deliberate sloppy seconds. Deliberate having him eat another mans load... Sometimes people are too forgiving.
> 
> GL OP


Weightlifer: I have great respect for you and your opinions here. I regard you as one of the most centered people here. But do not let your reactions to the wife's sexual turn-ons color your reactions. For many years anything but the missionary position was regarded as a horrible perversion and in many states they were against the law. And now they are all things we enjoy.

From the start the WW offered to do what folks here often say are the prerequisites for a reconcilliation, including transparency, a post-nup, and offered to take a polygraph test. Most of us ignored that and instead went after the more "interesting" aspects of the situation.

I'm personally glad the BS and WW have worked it out and I hope it lasts.


----------



## The Middleman

weightlifter said:


> OP came back.
> 
> Deliberate sloppy seconds. Deliberate having him eat another mans load... Sometimes people are too forgiving.
> 
> GL OP


Agreed. I'd never be able to live with her and look at myself in a mirror again.


----------



## confusedhusband1

I know some people might not be able to forgive and I do respect that, but I was able to forgive as a Christian. It took a long time and I will probably never forget, but did forgive her.

Every situation is different, but I know in my heart what was best for me. She is a much different person than she was in the past, more loving, sensitive, a better mom even. I think she figured it out what she could have lost and had a come to jesus moment.


----------



## walkonmars

confusedhusband1 said:


> I know some people might not be able to forgive and I do respect that, but I was able to forgive as a Christian. It took a long time and I will probably never forget, but did forgive her.
> 
> Every situation is different, but I know in my heart what was best for me. She is a much different person than she was in the past, more loving, sensitive, a better mom even. I think she figured it out what she could have lost and had a come to jesus moment.


It's your life and your family. Since you've decided to forgive and keep your family together and are happy in the doing then who are we to question your choice. 

Good luck. Hope she appreciates the gift you've bestowed on her. And it's always best for kids to have two loving parents involved in their lives.


----------



## Healer

sidney2718 said:


> But do not let your reactions to the wife's sexual turn-ons color your reactions. For many years anything but the missionary position was regarded as a horrible perversion and in many states they were against the law.


You're comparing doggy style to a woman who intentionally made her husband eat another man's ejaculate. _Not exactly_ on the same level.


----------



## Anuvia

LostViking said:


> Yeah I think most men would take that as a deal-breaker.
> 
> I don't believe a word of this thread...
> 
> Bye.


Me neither. 
This is like an arsonist coming back to see his handy work.


----------



## confusedhusband1

Healer. I am no way making excuses for my wife, but she wasn't doing it to humiliate me even though it did. She did it for the sexual pleasure. All this came out in the multiple counseling sessions we went to.


----------



## Malaise

confusedhusband1 said:


> Healer. I am no way making excuses for my wife, but she wasn't doing it to humiliate me even though it did. She did it for the sexual pleasure. All this came out in the multiple counseling sessions we went to.


She must have known. Or is she that unaware ?

I can't believe that she would come from having sex with OM directly to you and not have that on her mind.

Friend, you are being too easy going, and it will haunt you later.


----------



## anchorwatch

The amount of vitriol here is astounding. Agree or disagree! Why post anything at all, if it's only to hear yourself say you're to discussed to post. This all happened well over a year ago. The OP has already faced the sickness of it all, for an extended period of time. Whether we agree with his choice or not, it's no reason to rub his face in the john.

Confusedhusband, 

You need not justify your choices to anyone but yourself. 

Good luck with your choice.


----------



## DarkHoly

confusedhusband1 said:


> Healer. I am no way making excuses for my wife, but she wasn't doing it to humiliate me even though it did. She did it for the sexual pleasure. All this came out in the multiple counseling sessions we went to.


Do you understand that the sexual pleasure was _derived_ from humiliating you? 

Good luck man. Enjoy your **** life. I really hope I'm wrong but there are things missing here. 

However, you are privy to all the details and nuances of the situation, whereas we are not. If your gut is telling you she's being honest, then you can have a new and joyful life together.


----------



## the guy

REALLY!!!!!!!!!!



OP you have a lot of grace.

It was a "Jesus moment" that got me into working on my self and I haven't laid a hand on my wife since.


My wife laying on the ground with snot running out of her nose after smacking the sh1t out of her was awful. (actually criminal)

Hearing about the 20 OM over the last 13 years was awful.(not criminal but phucked up all the same)

But with grace we all can forgive. But heaven forbid we ever forget and let those unhealthy behaviors come back.

If any one can speak out about forgiveness it is me. I have been given a second chance with my old lady and I don't plan on wasting it by slapping the sh1t out of her again.


----------



## the guy

I expect some of this judgemental crap from the newbies, but some of you vets should know better!

Move the phuck on and let it be.


----------



## the guy

OP maybe your thread could be moved to Reconciliation section?


----------



## confusedhusband1

Dark holy. Her pleasure was not from humiliating me. She has always been able to orgasm easier from oral than thru intercourse. The first time she cheated I was the one who made the advance with intimacy. After that she said it was a pleasure that she has never had before. I just wanted to make her happy. That all came out in counseling.

Our marriage counseler was a huge help. I would highly recommend anyone having marriage problems to find a good one. She tought me and my wife things that I never knew about true love, forgiveness, and that time can heal wounds.


----------



## Deceit

Yup. I know you want to believe this. But if you do, you are deceiving yourself. 

Just think about that for a second. I know she gets her best pleasure from oral, you said that, but if for one moment you don't think she knew what you were doing down there....

Most women can't even read about this without getting grossed out, on an emotional level. Your wife was able to climax while watching you do it. 

Nuff said
Good luck bro,


----------



## theroad

confusedhusband1 said:


> Healer. I am no way making excuses for my wife, but she wasn't doing it to humiliate me even though it did. She did it for the sexual pleasure. All this came out in the multiple counseling sessions we went to.


Yes the sexual pleasure was from humiliating you by you eating the OM's cream pie.

How you let a counselor get you to drink the cool aid.


----------



## illwill

This is the worst story i ever read on here. And nobody has a right to tell anyone how to respond on here. As long as its respectful. Newbie or not. Good luck op.


----------



## phillybeffandswiss

the guy said:


> I expect some of this judgemental crap from the newbies, but some of you vets should know better!
> 
> Move the phuck on and let it be.


I got a chuckle out of *you* admonishing vets for being judgmental. Thanks, I needed something funny out of this sad thread.

OP, If you are cool with your life good on you.


----------



## ThePheonix

sidney2718 said:


> From the start the WW offered to do what folks here often say are the prerequisites for a reconcilliation, including transparency, a post-nup, and offered to take a polygraph test. Most of us ignored that and instead went after the more "interesting" aspects of the situation.


Now that you mention it, its probably no worse than getting it on with a hooker.


----------



## terrence4159

wow just wow. way to set a great example for your kids. hey kids if you get humiliated and betrayed in the WORST possible way EVER just look the other way its ok dont have any respect for yourself and just take it.


----------



## the guy

illwill said:


> This is the worst story i ever read on here. And nobody has a right to tell anyone how to respond on here. As long as its respectful. Newbie or not. Good luck op.


I stand corrected.


----------



## the guy

terrence4159 said:


> wow just wow. way to set a great example for your kids. hey kids if you get humiliated and betrayed in the WORST possible way EVER just look the other way its ok dont have any respect for yourself and just take it.


Funny you mentioned this, I just had a long discussion with my kids about sexual humilation and the fetishes that they may or may not like.

Last Sunday's discussion was about the best camera to buy when mommy brings her boyfriend hope and daddy films.

Nothing says family time on a Sunday evening when talking about sexual humilation and sexual fetishes..."now good night kids and sweet dreams"

Look at were this is heading poeple!


----------



## the guy

ThePheonix said:


> Now that you mention it, its probably no worse than getting it on with a hooker.


"a hooker"..thats just wrong..leave business out of it!

Besides if your dumb enough to go down on a hooker...well!!!

Furture more if I'm going "down there" it should be me getting paid.


----------



## Daisy10

Um, this thread is from 2012.


----------



## treyvion

LostViking said:


> Yeah I think most men would take that as a deal-breaker.
> 
> I don't believe a word of this thread...
> 
> Bye.


The messed up thing is as unreal as it sounds, these situations happen. When the start cheating on you and compartamentalize you, over time they start disrespecting you and even hating you for loving them. They want to hurt you, degrade you, debase you. This is how it is sometimes, and I have no doubt that the wife would have the husband follow up behind the OM or perform oral on her after she's been satisfied PIV.


----------



## the guy

ya OP brought it back with an update.

I'm thinking OP has found that its not the same place it was a year ago.


----------



## Daisy10

LostViking said:


> Yeah I think most men would take that as a deal-breaker.
> 
> I don't believe a word of this thread...
> 
> Bye.


I don't either.

In response to this topic in general, all I'm going to say is that it is in a man's best interest overall to be a man and not a wuss.


----------



## treyvion

Daisy10 said:


> I don't either.
> 
> In response to this topic in general, all I'm going to say is that it is in a man's best interest overall to be a man and not a wuss.


In all of our TAM studies over the years, this simple statement sums it all up.

So you have that rule for the men and the women the rule would go like :

It would be in her best interest to ensure that he lives up to his committment, and she won't put up with any crap especially cheating or abuse.


----------



## carmen ohio

_[Comment deleted.]_


----------



## nuclearnightmare

confusedhusband1 said:


> I know some people might not be able to forgive and I do respect that, but I was able to forgive as a Christian. It took a long time and I will probably never forget, but did forgive her.
> 
> Every situation is different, but I know in my heart what was best for me. She is a much different person than she was in the past, more loving, sensitive, a better mom even. I think she figured it out what she could have lost and had a come to jesus moment.



ConfusedH:

am glad your marriage has improved so drastically over the past 16 months. Did/does your wife get IC?? How is she fixing what is wrong with her as a human being?

I'm skeptical that she will/can remain faithful to you nto the future. Her patterns are too well established. I believe you should approach your marriage now as something that could end at any time, and prepare yourself for4 the most advantageous exit possible. e.g. start working again, get your wife to sign post-nup agreements (if you haven't already) etc. I think you will be glad you laid this groundwork.


----------



## just got it 55

carmen ohio said:


> True, Daisy10, but some men are wusses.
> 
> I'd say confusedhusband1 continues to live up to his user name.
> 
> I also can't help but mention that he is a SAHD.


Can we come up with a new Acronim for SAHD?

How about * S* itting* A*round *H*olding *D*!ck


----------



## Healer

confusedhusband1 said:


> Healer. I am no way making excuses for my wife, but she wasn't doing it to humiliate me even though it did. She did it for the sexual pleasure. All this came out in the multiple counseling sessions we went to.


I don't care what her "reason" was - that is absolutely deplorable, sadistic and cruel. The fact that that turned her on speaks volumes about her. She got sexual pleasure out of disrespecting you in the worst way. It's downright pathological.


----------



## BobSimmons

carmen ohio said:


> True, Daisy10, but some men are wusses.
> 
> I'd say confusedhusband1 continues to live up to his user name.
> 
> I also can't help but mention that he is a SAHD.


If it is a llort, then the SAHD would make a perfect scenerio. It's almost become the byword for the weak disenfranchised man. A man that stays at home taking care of the kids is a neutered man, while his wife goes out and works therefore becoming more powerful and therefore cheating on him. Cliche


----------



## Healer

anchorwatch said:


> The amount of vitriol here is astounding. Agree or disagree! Why post anything at all, if it's only to hear yourself say you're to discussed to post. This all happened well over a year ago. The OP has already faced the sickness of it all, for an extended period of time. Whether we agree with his choice or not, it's no reason to rub his face in the john.
> 
> Confusedhusband,
> 
> You need not justify your choices to anyone but yourself.
> 
> Good luck with your choice.


OK, thanks. 

This isn't a place people come to hear us all grin and nod and say "good for you!". What's the point of posting if we aren't going to be honest?

Suit yourself - but don't dictate to us what we should or shouldn't say.


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## Healer

confusedhusband1 said:


> Her pleasure was not from humiliating me.


If your therapist led you to believe that, fire their ass. I'm sorry, but you are in 100% denial.


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## Thorburn

the guy said:


> I expect some of this judgemental crap from the newbies, but some of you vets should know better!
> 
> Move the phuck on and let it be.


:iagree:

My wife did some of the same crap to me. I really don't know if I will ever get over it. I am also a Christian and know that forgiveness is required. That does not mean we have to take the WS back, it does not negate the pain, the humiliation, etc.

But really folks. The OP comes back to give us an update and it seems like this is a true R.

If the issue is the SAHD part, then so be it, but that (IMO) is another issue.

Forgiveness is required for Christians. Period. It does not mean we have to take the WS back, nor does it remove the pain or humiliation.

In my opiniion it takes alot to forgive. It takes quite a bit to know what a wife like the OP's did and give R a go. I think it takes alot of ba*ls.

This morning I was using the F bomb, thinking outloud to myself about what my wife did to me. I was in the living room, talking to myself, saying WTF. My wife was outside with the dogs. It just pis*es me off when those thoughts pop into my head.

If this is a false R, then the OP needs a 2 X 4 up against his head. I am not seeing it.

I don't try to push my religious views in a way to offend anyone. But the OP has made a decision that I think is quite in line with his religious thinking and I believe it is admirable. 

And I think some of you Vets here are way out of line in your rebukes to the OP.

Every one of you I have great respect for and I have gained alot from your posts, whether I agree or not. But beating the OP up and using ugly terms is demeaning.

I will tell you my wife did more then the OP's wife did. And yes it is sickening.

In my opinion the OP has lots of bal*s. In some ways more then me.


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## Thorburn

Healer said:


> If your therapist led you to believe that, fire their ass. I'm sorry, but you are in 100% denial.


Healer, sometimes the WS does not give a sh*t. They don't care what they do to their BS. It has very little to do with getting off, it has to do with total disrespect. My wife could not get off with the XOM. So, she would come home to me. ANd I had no clue.

Telling you all this is one of the most humiliating things I can think of sharing, but often times the WS is not even thinking about what they just did.

If my wife did get off because of this, does it really change a freaken thing? Serously. If a person decides to R, knowing all the details, then it is on them. R is on me. 

And I will say it again, some WS don't give a rat's arse about what they are doing or when they come home they don't give a rat's arse either. And when a BS has no clue to what the hel* is going on, and things seem normal, you do what is normal.


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## carmen ohio

the guy said:


> I expect some of this judgemental crap from the newbies, but some of you vets should know better!
> 
> Move the phuck on and let it be.





Thorburn said:


> :iagree:
> 
> My wife did some of the same crap to me. I really don't know if I will ever get over it. I am also a Christian and know that forgiveness is required. That does not mean we have to take the WS back, it does not negate the pain, the humiliation, etc.
> 
> But really folks. The OP comes back to give us an update and it seems like this is a true R.
> 
> If the issue is the SAHD part, then so be it, but that (IMO) is another issue.
> 
> Forgiveness is required for Christians. Period. It does not mean we have to take the WS back, nor does it remove the pain or humiliation.
> 
> In my opiniion it takes alot to forgive. It takes quite a bit to know what a wife like the OP's did and give R a go. I think it takes alot of ba*ls.
> 
> This morning I was using the F bomb, thinking outloud to myself about what my wife did to me. I was in the living room, talking to myself, saying WTF. My wife was outside with the dogs. It just pis*es me off when those thoughts pop into my head.
> 
> If this is a false R, then the OP needs a 2 X 4 up against his head. I am not seeing it.
> 
> I don't try to push my religious views in a way to offend anyone. But the OP has made a decision that I think is quite in line with his religious thinking and I believe it is admirable.
> 
> And I think some of you Vets here are way out of line in your rebukes to the OP.
> 
> Every one of you I have great respect for and I have gained alot from your posts, whether I agree or not. But beating the OP up and using ugly terms is demeaning.
> 
> I will tell you my wife did more then the OP's wife did. And yes it is sickening.
> 
> In my opinion the OP has lots of bal*s. In some ways more then me.


After a bit of reflection, I agree with the guy and Thorburn. _Mea culpa._

Dear confusedhusband1, I have deleted my offensive post. Please accept my apology and my best wishes for the continued success of your reconciliation. While I do question the wisdom of your decision to remain a SAHD, as Thorburn said, that is another issue.


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## treyvion

Thorburn said:


> Healer, sometimes the WS does not give a sh*t. They don't care what they do to their BS. It has very little to do with getting off, it has to do with total disrespect. My wife could not get off with the XOM. So, she would come home to me. ANd I had no clue.
> 
> Telling you all this is one of the most humiliating things I can think of sharing, but often times the WS is not even thinking about what they just did.
> 
> If my wife did get off because of this, does it really change a freaken thing? Serously. If a person decides to R, knowing all the details, then it is on them. R is on me.
> 
> And I will say it again, some WS don't give a rat's arse about what they are doing or when they come home they don't give a rat's arse either. And when a BS has no clue to what the hel* is going on, and things seem normal, you do what is normal.


Some of the WS never really cared about you in the first place. So it's not a big of a deal for them to "cheat" on you.


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## anchorwatch

Healer said:


> OK, thanks.
> 
> This isn't a place people come to hear us all grin and nod and say "good for you!". What's the point of posting if we aren't going to be honest?
> 
> Suit yourself - but don't dictate to us what we should or shouldn't say.


I don't know who we is, but since you speak to me directly, I'll answer you this one time.

I never dictated anything to anyone. I did advocate a level of civility to all reading. 

If it bothers you so much that that I call it, when someone asks for help and along with advice he gets his face pushed in the mud, maybe you should avail yourself of the ignore control.


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## just got it 55

There is honor in a man staying at home taking care of his children

But Soooo many wifes fail to see that.

We see it here very often.

Thats my objection to SAHD


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## treyvion

treyvion said:


> Some of the WS never really cared about you in the first place. So it's not a big of a deal for them to "cheat" on you.


A case in the point was the women who came over for a green card, or a woman who got her meal ticket athlete or CEO, it could have been any one of them as long as the financials were there. 

Then these guys get cheated and dogged out and CUCKholded, and wonder how in the hell it happen and working to restoration, when there was nothing to restore at all. You are being able to see how she always saw you.


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## Thorburn

just got it 55 said:


> There is honor in a man staying at home taking care of his children
> 
> But Soooo many wifes fail to see that.
> 
> We see it here very often.
> 
> Thats my objection to SAHD


There is also the other side of the coin. I was reading last week where there is a rather high percentage of SAHDs that cheat. Kind of the fox in the hen house.

I am not wired to be a SAHD. Most men aren't. But we do see often on TAM where this is the pattern, SAHD, wife cheats. I do believe it has to do with respect. It may be more common, and in some circles, even chic, but I think in most cases it is prime time for cheating.


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## Healer

anchorwatch said:


> I don't know who we is, but since you speak to me directly, I'll answer you this one time.
> 
> I never dictated anything to anyone. I did advocate a level of civility to all reading.
> 
> If it bothers you so much that that I call it, when someone asks for help and along with advice he gets his face pushed in the mud, maybe you should avail yourself of the ignore control.


"We" - the people on this forum.

Just as you called "us" out because you didn't like what we posted - I did as well.

He's a big boy and can take the advice or leave it - he is capable of making his own decisions. This is a particularly nasty case, and a huge trigger for a lot of people. I never "pushed his face in the mud". I told him straight up what I thought. I think his wife is a walking pathology. If he really wants to stay with her, some words typed on a discussion forum by strangers won't change that. 

He came back here to declare all is well and he's staying with his WW. People are going to state their opinions on that matter - that's the nature of a discussion board.


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## treyvion

Healer said:


> "We" - the people on this forum.
> 
> Just as you called "us" out because you didn't like what we posted - I did as well.
> 
> He's a big boy and can take the advice or leave it - he is capable of making his own decisions. This is a particularly nasty case, and a huge trigger for a lot of people. I never "pushed his face in the mud". I told him straight up what I thought. I think his wife is a walking pathology. If he really wants to stay with her, some words typed on a discussion forum by strangers won't change that.
> 
> He came back here to declare all is well and he's staying with his WW. People are going to state their opinions on that matter - that's the nature of a discussion board.


I don't think it's a matter of pushing the guys face into the mud, or beating him to keep him down when he's just asking for help.

It's a matter of conveying to him that a WS is a changed person. It is not the same person, the same psychology he was dealing with before, and if the WS always was slick and underhanded with the BS then it just brings to light how they really see the situation.


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## ThePheonix

This gal was out to punish him, pure and simple. She did what she did out of malice showing him he's beneath her boyfriend. The most pathetic thing is that he thinks its over. It ain't.


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## badmemory

In my opinion, the most important thing to consider when deciding on R with a WS; is their demonstrated remorse.

The other thing to consider, is the severity and frequency (serial cheating) of the betrayal. Every BS has their own threshold for forgiveness based on severity. To me, that's a personal decision for the BS, that I wouldn't advice them on. 

It seems OP, just as I had to, made his decision on what his forgiveness threshold for severity is, and I respect that as long as the remorse is consistent and she's not a repeat offender.


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## carmen ohio

Thorburn said:


> There is also the other side of the coin. I was reading last week where there is a rather high percentage of SAHDs that cheat. Kind of the fox in the hen house.
> 
> I am not wired to be a SAHD. Most men aren't. But we do see often on TAM where this is the pattern, SAHD, wife cheats. I do believe it has to do with respect. It may be more common, and in some circles, even chic, but I think in most cases it is prime time for cheating.


I found an interesting study on the subject of SAHDs and divorce conducted by a sociologist at The Ohio State University (my alma mater, as some of you may have guessed). Here is the link: She Left, He Left: How Employment and Satisfaction Affect Menâ€™s and Womenâ€™s Decisions to Leave Marriages

According to the study: _"[W]hen men are not employed, either husbands or wives are more likely to leave. When wives report better than average marital satisfaction, their employment affects neither their nor their husbands’ exits. However, when wives report below average marital satisfaction, their employment makes it more likely that they will leave."_

I think the final sentence of the study is particularly instructive:

_"Men’s breadwinning is still so culturally mandated that when it is absent, both men and women are more likely to find that the marital partnership doesn’t deserve to continue."
_
I do not wish to denigrate the role of SAHDs. Caring for children and maintaining a household is a noble endeavor, be it done by a woman or a man. But one should not overlook the importance of human nature, which is the result of millions of years of evolution and tens of thousands of years of cultural indoctrination. In our species, gender roles exist, they reflect basic human psychology and they are not as malleable as some would make them out to be.

Husbands who choose to adopt what has traditionally been considered to be the wife's role should at least be aware of the potential consequences of their decision for the stability of their marriages.


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## treyvion

So they got this program on TV "White Collar Brawlers". It's about white collar guys getting their boxing training on.

They need a similar one for the cuckholds. "Extreme cuckholds", where cuckholds are forced to take their life back. Their forced to go through a crossfit training program, do a year of boxing training and become more alpha. Then they spar.


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## just got it 55

Healer said:


> "We" - the people on this forum.
> 
> Just as you called "us" out because you didn't like what we posted - I did as well.
> 
> He's a big boy and can take the advice or leave it - he is capable of making his own decisions. This is a particularly nasty case, and a huge trigger for a lot of people. I never "pushed his face in the mud". I told him straight up what I thought. I think his wife is a walking pathology. If he really wants to stay with her, some words typed on a discussion forum by strangers won't change that.
> 
> He came back here to declare all is well and he's staying with his WW. People are going to state their opinions on that matter - that's the nature of a discussion board.


Come on Fellas Let it go


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## confusedhusband1

Not sure why there is so much hate for SAHD's. It's different for all families, but we decided early on that we wanted one of us to be home with our kids. She made and makes more than I did so it was the right call in our situation.

I can't believe that some people would think that if they are a SAHD that it means you are more feminine or not a man? I mean its 2013. I love being home with our kids and going to all of their activities and being involved in their lives. I might do more household chores or cooking than the average guy, but who cares? It takes a real man to raise his children the right way, not with daycare or a grandparent. Like I said every situation is different and there is not really a wrong way to do it in my opinion.


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## just got it 55

OP you have my support but you have 100K years of evolution against you

55


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## nuclearnightmare

Daisy10 said:


> I don't either.
> 
> In response to this topic in general, all I'm going to say is that it is in a man's best interest overall to be a man and not a wuss.


Sure. But also not to pair up with trash (like his lawyer wife) in the first place.


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## 827Aug

Please keep posting respectful and helpful. If you can not do so, DO NOT POST!

OP, I'm moving this thread over to the reconciliation section.


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## happymomma

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ThePheonix

confusedhusband1 said:


> Not sure why there is so much hate for SAHD's.


I don't have a dog in this fight and if you stay home its your business. Its not that there is hate. But the reality is a SAHD is viewed by women as less masculine than an guy working every day. Here's a test. Who do you consider the most masculine and able to handle tough situations. 

A guy earning a living as a steel worker.

A guy who voluntarily stays home while his wife earns a living.

As you say, "we decided early on that we wanted one of us to be home with our kids. She made and makes more than I did so it was the right call in our situation". 
How did that work out for you? I said a few post back that if she did as you describe, it shows a lot of resentment on her part. Take it for what its worth.


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## tulsy

Torrivien said:


> I decided to not give a second chance to my wife, but I have to admit that yours is showing great proof of redemption.
> .


In what way?? :scratchhead:

Just reading OP's other posts...

The wife is a serial cheater. She cheated while on vacation with girlfriends years ago, she had a full affair with an ex-boyfriend, and then this guy (or is that the same guy?). Those are the affairs OP knows about.

Every step of the way, she lies about her affairs, blame-shifts, and deflects with anger. The only reason she wants him back now is because OM is moving away (broke up) and hubby-meal-ticket is a push-over who will take her back, because she knows just how to play him.

Where exactly is the "great proof of redemption"? 

I would split...show your kids that this is unacceptable.


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## weightlifter

I get 1 time forgiveness for a PA even tho I could never do it. Love for wayward wife > her betrayal.

But twice?
THREE TIMES!?!?

If you stay just declare the marriage open.
And make sure she gives you a BJ after a date with a hookup.


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## Numbersixxx

confusedhusband1 said:


> Healer. I am no way making excuses for my wife, but she wasn't doing it to humiliate me even though it did. She did it for the sexual pleasure. All this came out in the multiple counseling sessions we went to.


Your humiliation was part of the turn on, genius


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## cdbaker

confusedhusband1 said:


> Dark holy. Her pleasure was not from humiliating me. She has always been able to orgasm easier from oral than thru intercourse. The first time she cheated I was the one who made the advance with intimacy. After that she said it was a pleasure that she has never had before. I just wanted to make her happy. That all came out in counseling.
> 
> Our marriage counseler was a huge help. I would highly recommend anyone having marriage problems to find a good one. She tought me and my wife things that I never knew about true love, forgiveness, and that time can heal wounds.


Since this is my first post on your thread, I'll first say that I am glad to hear that things have improved so much. I have a similar story with a repeat offender wife who, thus far, has not strayed again. (it's a long story, it always is right?) With that said, despite how your counselor feels, I really can't imagine that she sought out oral sex from you after being with the OM purely because she enjoys oral sex.

I mean, most women love oral sex (ladies, correct me if I'm wrong there), but I think most women who have sex with another man and then return home to their husband afterwards would also specifically AVOID sex with their husband immediately thereafter, ESPECIALLY oral sex. Not only is it obviously risking that he'll realize what she's been up to, which is clearly counter productive if she is enjoying the affair, but I think most women would find the idea of subjecting their husband to unknowingly eating the semen of another man from her without his knowledge as being a whole new level of deceit, disrespect and revulsion. Heck, one of the telltale signs of adultery is when the spouse comes home after being out late and immediately insisting on taking a shower. They do that in order to hide all the evidence of their adultery, the scent, the sweat, the sexual fluids, etc.

So while I understand that your wife enjoys oral sex, it does not make any sense at all why she would risk so much, and be that willing to abuse you in such a way, purely for the sake of getting oral sex such a short time after having been sexually satisfied by another man. I'm sorry but there is absolutely no way I could believe that she did it for any reason other than because it was far more exciting and/or hotter for her to know that she can come home and have you eating the cum of another man out of her, which also helps build up her perception of the OM as an Alpha male by watching her husband willingly (even if unknowingly) devour his semen. If all she wanted was oral sex, she easily could have come home, showered, and waited a few hours or until the next day or so to get some. Lord knows she didn't HAVE to have it that soon.

With all of that said, I don't think any of this matters that much for two reasons. First, this was nearly two years ago. If it has all really stopped and she's done everything right since, then it really shouldn't matter anymore now that you've forgiven her and she's kept to her word. Secondly, so she gets off on the humiliation and/or feeling of power derived from that act, so what? If you aren't into it, and she can respect that and be willing to enjoy other aspects of your sexual relationship or maybe explore other fetishes, then it really shouldn't matter. If you get off on shoving banana's into her nether region but that isn't her thing, then it shouldn't matter as long as you are able to accept that and enjoy her sexuality in other agreeable ways. I'm guessing that most people have some kind of sexual interest/fetish that their partner might not share, without it being a complete and utter deal breaker for them.


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## cdbaker

terrence4159 said:


> wow just wow. way to set a great example for your kids. hey kids if you get humiliated and betrayed in the WORST possible way EVER just look the other way its ok dont have any respect for yourself and just take it.


Terrence, I doubt his kids were privy to every dirty detail of what went on in affairs/marriage, nor did they need to be. I'm guessing all they knew was that their mom and dad were having some relationship trouble but tried hard to fix it and (thus far at least) have managed to do so. If so, then the lesson they have been taught is that marriage is hard, sometimes people screw up and sometimes they deserve a second chance. Also, that we should forgive those who hurt or fail us, quickly and without reservation, but we have a choice of whether we choose to continue to accept them in our lives or not. In the case of their parents, their dad set an example that he loves their mother and that she was worth that 2nd chance to him.

Honestly I think those are all fantastic lessons for kids in this day and age of 50+% divorce rates.


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## spanz

Numbersixxx said:


> Your humiliation was part of the turn on, genius


yeah I am agreeing there. this type of woman probably masturbated thinking of how she tricked you in eating the OMs cum. A super turn on I am sure for her. 

you would really have to be a sub and enjoy the whole cuckolding experience to let her back in. Not judging ere, if that turns YOU on, more power to you. But, a little much to expect from a husband in my opinion


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