# Anyone ever think of trying out one of those "Have an Affair" online sites?



## 4thand11 (May 20, 2013)

I am talking about sites where people can post profiles looking for a partner to have a no-strings-attached physical affair with another married person...

I hate to admit it but sometimes I've thought about it (have never done it). My wife is a sweetheart and I would hate to hurt her (or leave her), but she is so shy and reserved sexually and is perfectly fine with having sex 1-2 times per month. When we do have it it is almost always the same (lazy doggy style) and she is completely resistant to trying anything new. She likes sex when we have it (I think) but doesn't want/need it often and seems very embarrassed about even being naked in front of her own husband. I've been trying but it hasn't gotten much better although I've managed to up the frequency of our sex somewhat (still not nearly enough for me and still very vanilla though).

So my mind has been wandering and sometimes I even find myself looking at the sites (I've never even set up a profile or anything like that). Some of the women look quite attractive in the photos, and the fact that they just want sex is a turn-on to me.

I know these sites are probably full of fake profiles, escorts, and like a thousand men to every legit woman. But am still thinking about it. Is this a really dumb idea? I sometimes think if I could get some uninhibited sex with another woman, it might save my marriage long-term. Maybe I am just being delusional?


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## GTdad (Aug 15, 2011)

*Re: Anyone ever think of trying out one of those "Have an Affair" online sites?*



4thand11 said:


> Is this a really dumb idea?


Yeah. 

You know, I think you could do this, if you explained to your wife first what you proposed to do, so she could exercise her options with full disclosure. It'd still be a dumb idea in my book, but at least an honest one.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

*Re: Anyone ever think of trying out one of those "Have an Affair" online sites?*

The problem seems to be that both of you have mismatched drives and may not be sexually compatible at this time.

Was it always like that?

Seeking out an affair would not fix that.
If sex is high on your priority of needs and she's not interested in fixing the problem, then divorce might be the only answer.
An affair would complicate things.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

*Re: Anyone ever think of trying out one of those "Have an Affair" online sites?*

I did it. I'm a former WH. Cheating didn't do anything but accelerate the end of my marriage. In hindsight, I really wish I would have left before I cheated, with my integrity intact. And I was "fortunate" in that my actions were never exposed. So my STBXW and I are still amicable. But if she knew that I had cheated, I doubt that would be the case. 

In summary... Super dumb idea. Don't do it. Get individual counseling, leave the marriage first, whatever you need to do... But don't cheat. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

*Re: Anyone ever think of trying out one of those "Have an Affair" online sites?*

The fact that you are even considering this move means it is time to ask your wife for a divorce.


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

*Re: Anyone ever think of trying out one of those "Have an Affair" online sites?*



4thand11 said:


> Is this a really dumb idea?



















I got this from Amp. I couldn't help it.


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## 4thand11 (May 20, 2013)

*Re: Anyone ever think of trying out one of those "Have an Affair" online sites?*



Faithful Wife said:


> The fact that you are even considering this move means it is time to ask your wife for a divorce.


If every guy who ever thought about cheating got divorced there probably wouldn't be any marriages left! 

I haven't done anything yet, and I love my wife. Thinking about something is not grounds for divorce.

These sites exist (I assume) for people who just want casual sex but who (for whatever reason) don't want a divorce. I'd assume most get little or no sex from their spouse but I guess there are lots of different reasons people might actively seek out a sexual affair.


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## 4thand11 (May 20, 2013)

*Re: Anyone ever think of trying out one of those "Have an Affair" online sites?*



anchorwatch said:


> I got this from Amp. I couldn't help it.


Haha u are probably right.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

*Re: Anyone ever think of trying out one of those "Have an Affair" online sites?*

4thand11 said: _"These sites exist (I assume) for people who just want casual sex but who (for whatever reason) don't want a divorce. I'd assume most get little or no sex from their spouse but I guess there are lots of different reasons people might actively seek out a sexual affair."_

Yes, lots of reasons like eating cake and having it, too.

I feel those people should also get divorced, but that's just my opinion.

If you really think that you are "just thinking" of this in a harmless way, then show your wife your post here and ask her opinion of that.

.


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## 4thand11 (May 20, 2013)

*Re: Anyone ever think of trying out one of those "Have an Affair" online sites?*



Faithful Wife said:


> If you really think that you are "just thinking" of this in a harmless way, then show your wife your post here and ask her opinion of that.


Fair enough (and no I'm not going to show her) - but it is a big leap from there to "you need to immediately ask for a divorce because you're even thinking about cheating".

Honestly I was just wondering if anyone had actually used a site like this or would even consider it as an alternative to divorce/separation, if their sex life with their spouse was bad enough...


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

4thand11 said:


> Fair enough (and no I'm not going to show her) - but it is a big leap from there to "you need to immediately ask for a divorce because you're even thinking about cheating".
> 
> Honestly I was just wondering if anyone had actually used a site like this or would even consider it as an alternative to divorce/separation, if their sex life with their spouse was bad enough...


And you got a reply on that... Perhaps it didn't support your desired action, though...

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## NatureDave (Feb 19, 2013)

*Re: Anyone ever think of trying out one of those "Have an Affair" online sites?*



4thand11 said:


> These sites exist (I assume) for people who just want casual sex but who (for whatever reason) don't want a divorce. I'd assume most get little or no sex from their spouse but I guess there are lots of different reasons people might actively seek out a sexual affair.


These sites exist to make money, mostly from advertisers. 

The profiles that look so sexy and appealing are fakes to get you to sign up. Or prostitutes.


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

*Re: Anyone ever think of trying out one of those "Have an Affair" online sites?*



4thand11 said:


> Honestly I was just wondering if anyone had actually used a site like this or would even consider it as an alternative to divorce/separation, if their sex life with their spouse was bad enough...


A viable alternative to divorce would be marital and sex counseling, not cheating. Cheating will lead one directly to D. See PBear's post.

Here, this is an alternative. 

Intimacy & Desire: Awaken the Passion in Your Relationship: David Schnarch


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## Healer (Jun 5, 2013)

*Re: Anyone ever think of trying out one of those "Have an Affair" online sites?*

Don't be a scumbag. Cheating is a cruel, horrible, selfish, nasty thing. You ARE seriously considering it or you wouldn't have posted here. Be a man and divorce her if you have to, or work on the problem with your wife.

Once you cheat, you will be a cheater, and you will have lost all integrity and self respect. Plus you will have knifed your poor wife in the back.

Be a decent human.


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## 4thand11 (May 20, 2013)

*Re: Anyone ever think of trying out one of those "Have an Affair" online sites?*



PBear said:


> And you got a reply on that... Perhaps it didn't support your desired action, though...
> 
> C
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


No no I did read your response (which I appreciate) and definitely take it to heart.


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## 4thand11 (May 20, 2013)

*Re: Anyone ever think of trying out one of those "Have an Affair" online sites?*



Healer said:


> Don't be a scumbag. Cheating is a cruel, horrible, selfish, nasty thing. You ARE seriously considering it or you wouldn't have posted here. Be a man and divorce her if you have to, or work on the problem with your wife.
> 
> Once you cheat, you will be a cheater, and you will have lost all integrity and self respect. Plus you will have knifed your poor wife in the back.
> 
> Be a decent human.


I am not disagreeing with you however I think you are generalizing and seeing the world in black and white. Not every person who ever cheated on their spouse is a "scumbag". It may have been a big mistake, maybe one they deeply regret even, but sex outside of marriage does not define a person. There are plenty of good, caring wives who go looking for sex I bet, because their husband hardly notices them anymore. They are not horrible people necessarily.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

*Re: Anyone ever think of trying out one of those "Have an Affair" online sites?*

Oh my goodness...you are still defending doing this. It sounds like you have already headed down this path.
.


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## 4thand11 (May 20, 2013)

*Re: Anyone ever think of trying out one of those "Have an Affair" online sites?*



Faithful Wife said:


> Oh my goodness...you are still defending doing this. It sounds like you have already headed down this path.
> .


Neither defending it or not defending it... simply saying it is easy to judge but most people are a mix of virtues and vices.

I haven't headed down any path I just don't see the world as black and white as extremely judgmental people often seem to.


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

*Re: Anyone ever think of trying out one of those "Have an Affair" online sites?*

Cheating is not a mistake, it's a bad decision.


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## ASummersDay (Mar 4, 2013)

*Re: Anyone ever think of trying out one of those "Have an Affair" online sites?*

Actually, anyone who cheats is a scumbag. And anyone who does it premeditatively using a website, without telling their partner? They're a waste of a human being.

It is ALWAYS a choice. You know it would hurt your wife. And if you choose to follow through, you are the lowest of the bottom feeders.

JMO.


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## 4thand11 (May 20, 2013)

*Re: Anyone ever think of trying out one of those "Have an Affair" online sites?*



anchorwatch said:


> Cheating is not a mistake it's a bad decision.


Fair enough and I agree it would be a conscious choice - but Faithful Wife is ready to declare me guilty for even thinking about it. Reminds me of those "pre-crime" people in the movie Minority Report! (rather obscure reference I know, hopefully some will know what I am talking about).


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

4thand11 said:


> I am not disagreeing with you however I think you are generalizing and seeing the world in black and white. Not every person who ever cheated on their spouse is a "scumbag". It may have been a big mistake, maybe one they deeply regret even, but sex outside of marriage does not define a person. There are plenty of good, caring wives who go looking for sex I bet, because their husband hardly notices them anymore. They are not horrible people necessarily.


No, I think he's right. Cheating (especially deliberate cheating) is a scumbag move. It's a conscious decision to place your own selfish needs ahead of what's best for your wife and family. Aside from the breaking of your most important promise to anyone, you're also demonstrating that you're willing to inflict untold pain and anguish on them, all to get your sexual rocks off. Read in the CWI forum to see how the betrayed are affected. 

As an added bonus... After your marriage breaks up, you have a tough decision to make with each new prospective partner... Do you tell them that you cheated, and risk losing a chance to be with a good person? Or do you build your relationship on lies? Even if they accept you as a cheater, will they ever trust you fully?

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Convection (Apr 20, 2013)

Look, guy, you are doing more than just thinking about it. From your initial post:



4thand11 said:


> So my mind has been wandering and sometimes I even find myself looking at the sites (I've never even set up a profile or anything like that). Some of the women look quite attractive in the photos, and the fact that they just want sex is a turn-on to me.


This is how it starts. It goes from "just browsing" to "I'll make a profile, just for fun," to "I'll just talk to her," to "I'll do it just this once." Dangle temptation in front of yourself long enough and it'll lead nowhere good.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Convection said:


> Look, guy, you are doing more than just thinking about it. From your initial post:
> 
> 
> 
> ...


This is also very correct, from my personal experience. And keep in mind that from the time your wife catches one of these sites in your browser profile and on, any trust she had in you may be shattered irreparably. She may not trust that you were "just looking" or "just chatting". And if she came in here, she'd probably be told NOT to trust you that that's all it was. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

*Re: Anyone ever think of trying out one of those "Have an Affair" online sites?*

4th&11

How old are you?
How old is your wife?
How long have you been together and married to her?
What were your sex lives like before you met, during courting and up till now?

HM64


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## 4thand11 (May 20, 2013)

*Re: Anyone ever think of trying out one of those "Have an Affair" online sites?*



PBear said:


> No, I think he's right. Cheating (especially deliberate cheating) is a scumbag move. It's a conscious decision to place your own selfish needs ahead of what's best for your wife and family. Aside from the breaking of your most important promise to anyone, you're also demonstrating that you're willing to inflict untold pain and anguish on them, all to get your sexual rocks off. Read in the CWI forum to see how the betrayed are affected.


I appreciate your input. You are probably right. I guess perhaps I am willfully thinking about it as "just sex" and trying to ignore the potential hurt to someone else.

I read so many posts here on TAM regarding unhappy marriages due almost 100% to sexual incompatibility, or just one partner's loss of sexual attraction for the other... I guess in my mind the idea of a "fling" seems not that irrational when you consider all the miserable sexless marriages out there... that does not make it right, of course. I agree that working on my current marriage is probably the better approach. 

At some point I think I am realizing that my wife will never be all that into sex with me and since I don't want to divorce her, an affair starts to seem tempting... it is easy to say just work on your marriage but these forums are full of guys who have been beating their heads against a wall for decades trying to do "the right thing".


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## 4thand11 (May 20, 2013)

*Re: Anyone ever think of trying out one of those "Have an Affair" online sites?*



Convection said:


> This is how it starts. It goes from "just browsing" to "I'll make a profile, just for fun," to "I'll just talk to her," to "I'll do it just this once." Dangle temptation in front of yourself long enough and it'll lead nowhere good.


You are right, I know... good advice thank you.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

4thand11 said:


> I appreciate your input. You are probably right. I guess perhaps I am willfully thinking about it as "just sex" and trying to ignore the potential hurt to someone else.
> 
> I read so many posts here on TAM regarding unhappy marriages due almost 100% to sexual incompatibility, or just one partner's loss of sexual attraction for the other... I guess in my mind the idea of a "fling" seems not that irrational when you consider all the miserable sexless marriages out there... that does not make it right, of course. I agree that working on my current marriage is probably the better approach.
> 
> At some point I think I am realizing that my wife will never be all that into sex with me and since I don't want to divorce her, an affair starts to seem tempting... it is easy to say just work on your marriage but these forums are full of guys who have been beating their heads against a wall for decades trying to do "the right thing".


I was in your exact situation almost exactly 3 years ago, at 42 years old. I used the sites you describe to find two affair partners. The first one ended when my partner decided she wanted "more" than a FWB. After that ended, I talked to my wife and we went through counseling. I had to force that, but I wanted to see if there was anything left to try to save. There wasn't, so I told my wife I wanted out. Due to some timing issues, our "live-in" separation was a semi-extended one, and I found another AP online. But I ended things with her because again, she wanted more than I was wanting to give her, even though my marriage was ending. 

Shortly after leaving my marriage, I met my current SO, coincidentally through one of the sites I used earlier. We had both recently left similarly unsatisfying marriages. Our relationship started off based on making up for lost sexual time, but soon evolved into much more. We've been together now for over two years, and the sex (and the rest of the relationship as well) is still incredible. And btw, we had both cheated on our spouses, and we have both been honest with each other about that from the start. I'd lying to you if I said that doesn't cause significant trust issues. 

I'm not proud of how I chose to end my marriage, by any stretch. If I could change one thing in the past 5 years, it would be to have made a different decision about cheating. But all I can do is advise you not to go down this same path. It solves absolutely nothing, and it will likely just drive a huge wedge between you and your wife, as you invest your emotional currency in a relationship with another woman. In the end, you'll end up morally bankrupt with baggage any "good" woman will strive to avoid. 

Fix it, or get out. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

*Re: Anyone ever think of trying out one of those "Have an Affair" online sites?*

If you've really done that much reading around here, then you should have also seen the hurt and devastation that cheating causes in a marriage.

The way I see it you have the following choices:
1) Cheat and don't tell your wife and hope she never finds out
2) Cheat and tell your wife after the fact
3) Tell your wife you intend to cheat
4) Ask your wifes permission to cheat
5) Do nothing - just continue on as you have been
6) Tell your wife how unhappy you are and that you need her to work on things with you otherwise you will have to separate, and then do it if she's unwilling
7) Tell your wife how unhappy you are but leave it at that and just hope she changes (in which case you'll be here in ten years lamenting the same problem)
8) File for divorce in order to wake her up

There are probably others, but you get my gist I think.

By the way, kudos for not just going ahead and doing it, like my husband did, albeit for different 'reasons'. You know it's wrong and I think you want us to talk you out of it. I think you're a good guy dealing with a sh!tty situation. Right?


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## in my tree (Jun 9, 2012)

*Re: Anyone ever think of trying out one of those "Have an Affair" online sites?*

If you want to take a risk on destroying your relationship with your sweetheart of a wife, than by all means - cheat away!

My best friend's niece just found out this past weekend that her boyfriend of three years cheated on her with someone from craigslist. The niece was out of town with the family for her brother's graduation and he decided to hook up with someone while she was gone. Fast forward a few weeks and the niece (who is not particularly computer savvy) saw the e-mails or craigslist messages between her bf and some women. 

She is devastated, feeling badly about herself and despising him. She broke up with him immediately while he was begging her for forgiveness and to take him back. She will not and everything that he said to her before regarding relationships, women's rights (she's an activist), etc. all sounds completely hollow to her. He is still trying to contact her but evidently last night my best friend took her niece dancing and she said that she will move on and not look back (of course that will be after she visits the doctor this week to get checked out). 

If that is what you want for your future, then go ahead.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

*Re: Anyone ever think of trying out one of those "Have an Affair" online sites?*

I have often advocated saying something like this:

When you know that I need sex to feel loved, and when you deny that to me, and yet tell me that you love me, it is hard for me to believe you. When you know what I need to be happy and you consistently deny me that, it is unreasonable for you to expect me to be faithful.

Now I suppose that is an awful, scumbagish thing to say. Almost as bad as I'm getting a divorce because you won't have sex with me. 

The fact is you are sex starved. The old saying is true A relationship with sex and no marriage will last longer than a relationship with marriage and no sex. So unless there is some reasonable reason that you can't enjoy sex together, it really is time to consider ultimatums like filing for divorce.

About the affair websites. Like you I am by nature a faithful guy. To me (and I expect you) Sex is a part of my relationship with my Wife. Fling, or no strings sex would not be able to replace emotionally connected in a trusting relationship sex. I know that this is not true for many people, I just don't understand it.

Mr. N


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## ASummersDay (Mar 4, 2013)

*Re: Anyone ever think of trying out one of those "Have an Affair" online sites?*

I think it is much more respectable to say, "Sweetheart, we don't have sex enough. The lack of sex makes me feel [x, y, z]. I have recently begun to think seriously about cheating because my needs aren't being met. We either need to fix it, or I need to move on because I can't do it anymore" than to willfully deceive your partner. Will it hurt to hear? YES! But not as much as having your trust completely shattered by discovering your spouse cheated on you.

Again, JMO. I tend to favor honesty.


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## 4thand11 (May 20, 2013)

*Re: Anyone ever think of trying out one of those "Have an Affair" online sites?*

Very good advice from all of you. It is greatly and sincerely appreciated.

Agree that being honest with my wife is far more respectful of her, and I do think she deserves that. She is in many ways a great wife but her lack of sexual interest in me makes me sad and jealous of all those people (married or not) having all sorts of great, passionate sex.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ASummersDay (Mar 4, 2013)

*Re: Anyone ever think of trying out one of those "Have an Affair" online sites?*

4thand11, I apologize if my tone was harsh in my prior post. The truth is, I don't judge you for thinking about cheating. But what I said would absolutely apply if you took it a step further. I don't expect you to care much about the opinion of an internet stranger, but my goal is simply to show you that cheating is weak, repulsive, and the choice a coward makes.

Please don't sink to that level.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

*Re: Anyone ever think of trying out one of those "Have an Affair" online sites?*



anchorwatch said:


> I got this from Amp. I couldn't help it.


Man this pic sooooo reminds me of my childhood!


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## Converser (Jun 29, 2013)

*Re: Anyone ever think of trying out one of those "Have an Affair" online sites?*



MrsDavey said:


> 4thand11, I apologize if my tone was harsh in my prior post. The truth is, I don't judge you for thinking about cheating. But what I said would absolutely apply if you took it a step further. I don't expect you to care much about the opinion of an internet stranger, but my goal is simply to show you that cheating is weak, repulsive, and the choice a coward makes.
> 
> Please don't sink to that level.


I agree. I'd rather have the most sour truth than to be told the sweetest lie.


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## techmom (Oct 22, 2012)

*Re: Anyone ever think of trying out one of those "Have an Affair" online sites?*

4th, you didn't answer the question, how was your wife's desire before marriage? Was she always LD?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

*Re: Anyone ever think of trying out one of those "Have an Affair" online sites?*



4thand11 said:


> I am talking about sites where people can post profiles looking for a partner to have a no-strings-attached physical affair with another married person...
> 
> I hate to admit it but sometimes I've thought about it (have never done it). My wife is a sweetheart and I would hate to hurt her (or leave her), but she is so shy and reserved sexually and is perfectly fine with having sex 1-2 times per month. When we do have it it is almost always the same (lazy doggy style) and she is completely resistant to trying anything new. She likes sex when we have it (I think) but doesn't want/need it often and seems very embarrassed about even being naked in front of her own husband. I've been trying but it hasn't gotten much better although I've managed to up the frequency of our sex somewhat (still not nearly enough for me and still very vanilla though).
> 
> ...


I'm all for Radical honesty... this is RESPECTFUL... 

If I ever felt this way... I'll let him know.. I wouldn't even begin to be able to contain that sort of irritation within a marriage... 

A spouse -because of a commitment we made.. has *a right* to know what they are up against..that (in this case) her actions ....or rejections... hang ups... lack of enthusiasm -no interest in shaking it up, exploring together.... is contributing to this nasty temptation...which will only complicate your life, and destroy others...even their ability to ever *trust *again...

Also...never know what taking such a path will invite... remember that movie ..."Fatal Attraction"... trusting another cheating on their spouse... would you really want to go there. Emotions do get involved, some women are crazy too. 



> *Converser said* : I agree. I'd rather have the most sour truth than to be told the sweetest lie.



[url]http://talkaboutmarriage.com/articles/993-sex-lies-secrets-secrecy-destroying-your-marriage.html
.


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## mineforever (Jan 31, 2013)

4thand11 said:


> Very good advice from all of you. It is greatly and sincerely appreciated.
> 
> Agree that being honest with my wife is far more respectful of her, and I do think she deserves that. She is in many ways a great wife but her lack of sexual interest in me makes me sad and jealous of all those people (married or not) having all sorts of great, passionate sex.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You know 4thand11 your wife might just surprise you. I wish my husband had opted to talk with me when we were young about his issues with porn and sexual desires. We were both raised very conservatively and I really didn't understand until it was to late...he didn't have that conversation with me...he just went for the affair. It nearly ended our marriage, but once I sat down and understood what he needed from me I went and bought books (no internet back then) about forplay and pleasuring men and learned how to please him. You know sometimes you have to tell people what you want for them to know how to please you. I know ladies now days are more educated than we were back then, but she may just not understand that she is not meeting your basic needs.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## whitehawk (Aug 14, 2012)

*Re: Anyone ever think of trying out one of those "Have an Affair" online sites?*

l thought about it awhile back for some company and fun.
Not really my thing though and now since all my sitch began , seeing all the hurt, messed up marriages, lives , that'll probably be who l wound up playin with.
Not messing with other peoples lives now that l've seen and lived through what that does and you couldn't believe a word anyone on one of those sites told you so you'd never know.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

*Re: Anyone ever think of trying out one of those "Have an Affair" online sites?*

I am surprised sites like AM actually work.

Bear you got how many non hooker responses in what time period and are you good looking?

No not gonna cheat. i woulda thought the m/f ratio would be like 10 to 1 male so unless you are a model or rich...


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## janefw (Jun 26, 2012)

*Re: Anyone ever think of trying out one of those "Have an Affair" online sites?*



4thand11 said:


> Not every person who ever cheated on their spouse is a "scumbag". It may have been a big mistake, maybe one they deeply regret even, but sex outside of marriage does not define a person. There are plenty of good, caring wives who go looking for sex I bet, because their husband hardly notices them anymore. They are not horrible people necessarily.


But this wouldn't be an accidental mistake, it would be a deliberate mistake, and yes that would make you a scumbag.

I can't speak for all women, but I don't get enough sex from my LD husband and I would not _ever _consider looking for 'casual' sex from other men. Not only because I continue to love my husband, but also because I have too much self respect and that would be gone in a flash if I started screwing around with other men.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

*Re: Anyone ever think of trying out one of those "Have an Affair" online sites?*

I think what I find the scummiest about this idea is that you'll have sex with God knows who and still take the once or twice a month your wife gives, and have no problem exposing her to who knows what. And make no mistake, anyone you find on such a site WILL have been exposed to STD's, you won't be their first ride, and on top of that it's unlikely the person you actually meet will even look like the pics you see. If your wife ever finds out you will look like a disgusting piece of trash on her eyes and even if your stay together that won't change. It won't be worth it. I agree with everyone else, talk to your wife and if you can't solve this issue with at least a compromise be honest with her about wanting to look elsewhere. She deserves the chance to make her own decisions.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Thebes (Apr 10, 2013)

*Re: Anyone ever think of trying out one of those "Have an Affair" online sites?*

You want more out of her have you ever tried getting romantic, telling her you love her, flowers. Or do you just want to have sex? Do you always look at porn before you approach her? Ever said something to make her feel like you don't find her attractive as you do other women?

She could just have a low sex drive. Could be a hormone problem.

If you do have an affair are you going to be okay with her doing the same. I've heard doctors say women don't have orgasms with men that cheat and I never could.


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## Thebes (Apr 10, 2013)

*Re: Anyone ever think of trying out one of those "Have an Affair" online sites?*

One more thing, condoms are only about 50% effective against getting herpes. If you cheat you will be running a risk of getting it.


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## janefw (Jun 26, 2012)

*Re: Anyone ever think of trying out one of those "Have an Affair" online sites?*



Thebes said:


> One more thing, condoms are only about 50% effective against getting herpes. If you cheat you will be running a risk of getting it.


which also means his wife would get it - and she could transfer it to a fetus if she got pregnant. :/


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## whataboutthis? (Apr 5, 2013)

*Re: Anyone ever think of trying out one of those "Have an Affair" online sites?*

I am going to give you a possible glimpse into the future if you proceed with this.

I found a charge for a 50 credit package on Ash... Madi... 
So my H paid for 50 credits to contact people. He said he was just fantasizing and never contacted anyone. I don't believe him. Granted there's more to my story (other contacts made, escort contacts, lies, etc...). But for brevity we will just say that he is adamant that it was all fantasy and I don't buy it. Our marriage is over. We have been separated for four months now. 

I am not LD. But my H and I were apart for 2 years because of his job. We saw each other twice a year. But military is used to that kind of separation. I understand he had physical needs but there is never an excuse to react in that manner.

The man I thought I knew I don't know anymore. I don't believe anything he says to me. Everything we had is now shattered. 

I don't want to spend the rest of my life wondering what he did (because he lied to me over and over again) and I don't want to be a jealous insecure wife that has to check after her H. That's not who I am and I refuse to live that life.

So, he may have contacted and slept with women through one of these sites. Or he may have just fantasized. I will never know. And that is what AM has done for us. It is taken us to the path of divorce.

So, please consider the consequences if you take this route and your wife finds out.


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## Cupcake37 (Nov 19, 2011)

*Re: Anyone ever think of trying out one of those "Have an Affair" online sites?*

Hi, yes I have done this. I met somebody and we have been seeing each other for over 3 years. I wasn't interested in multiple partners just one person to fill the void. Pretty certain that a large percentage of the profiles and pictures are fake but there are some genuine people on there you just have sift through the rubbish. My marriage is beyond repairing and I will leave him once the children our older. It makes things easier for me and helps. If I thought I had any chance of changing things with my husband I probably wouldn't have gone down this route. X


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