# Do you guys/girls ever check up on the X?



## Waits4Mr.Right (Oct 29, 2011)

If so, why? :scratchhead:
My X, who broke up with me, keeps checking my dating website. From the male point of view, why would you do this? You gave her up, so you let her go, right?
I've never checked up on him since he dumped me, cuz in my eyes it's done, over. I will find someone better who wants me in their life and doesn't treat me like a side dish.


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

It's not something I would do if I had been the one to break up with a woman. If she had broken up with me, maybe, if I still had feelings for her.

He may not want you to date somebody again so quickly, as this could hurt his fragile ego, especially if he's still single and having no luck. When people break up with somebody and they have a solid reason, it's often a competition to see who moves on first. Especially if he has some resentment or anger towards you. He wants to land a girlfriend before you find somebody of your own, so that he can feel like he made the right decision, if that makes sense.

Conversely, he may be hoping you land on your feet and find happiness - he may feel some guilt at hurting you.

Or... maybe he feels you did something worthy of contacting any future partners you have and telling them all about you.

Take your pick.


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## Forest (Mar 29, 2014)

No ex-wife, but I've got a few ex-girlfriends from way back HS time, that I'm aware of their situations. Most happily married, it appears.

With a couple in particular, I'm actually quite glad that things didn't go better between us, because I can tell they are most likely happier now. Funny.


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## Lostme (Nov 14, 2014)

After what my ex put me through, no way in he** do I care what he is doing in his life. I have him blocked on anything I can block him from. 

I even had a few friends that I had to let go, because they felt the need to tell me what he is up too. Even though I expressed to them I do not care and don't want to know.I hope he finds all the misery, he has put me through.

The past is the past, and that is where I keep it.


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## Waits4Mr.Right (Oct 29, 2011)

@ Alexm and Forest: ok maybe the competition I can understand, though I don't agree with it at all. I want to be Happy, not hook up with just anyone so i can show off. That's so elementary. 
As for the break up, he made the decision on his own, without my input, so if there are regrets, Too Bad! I was very hurt that he broke it off like he did and didn't even consider my feelings. I'm looking to make friends on the dating site and if I end up liking the person I go out with, that's just a plus. I'm very clear on this. No games.
If you dump someone, you should just move on b/c 9 times out of ten the person is Done with you. You hurt them. Duh!


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## Jetranger (May 31, 2013)

I still have my ex on Facebook. We talked a few times around her birthday but nothing since and nothing for the 10 or so months before either. I kinda wondered what she was up to since I had to send her her posessions at not insignificant expense and would have liked reimbursement or at least a thank you!


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## Waits4Mr.Right (Oct 29, 2011)

@ Jetranger: Nope didn't leave anything at the X's house I can't replace, thank God. I just don't want to see him right now. I'll probably bump into him at some point, but hopefully no time soon. After the break up, I blamed myself and kept going over what I may have said or done. Truth of the matter was I did nothing. I think he was talking to other girls. He was pretty stupid in my opinion because now he can't talk to me and can only stock me. What a waste.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Your X definitely had the issues and still does. He should not be checking up on you. He probably has commitment issues.

Do you know about his history? He might be following a pattern.

Regardless, you need someone that will fully commit and be really into you like you need.


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## Jasel (Jan 8, 2013)

I occasionally look up one's facebook profile every several months to see new profile pics of how she's looking but besides that not really.


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## Waits4Mr.Right (Oct 29, 2011)

@ ConanHub: I can only thank God I never went into depth about TAM cause he'd probably follow me here too. I need at least one place that I can be honest and say what an a$$ he was for treating me that way. I'm just glad it's over. 
I'm free to talk and see whoever I want again.


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

I certainly don't. What would be the point? 

I think many times in a breakup one or both sides hope to see the other side fail without them. That person is going to be inclined to check up on the other to make sure they're one upping them somehow. It's a fools game and a distraction to truly moving on. 

I don't know who said it but I fully believe in the expression, "The best revenge is living well".


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Waits4Mr.Right said:


> @ ConanHub: I can only thank God I never went into depth about TAM cause he'd probably follow me here too. I need at least one place that I can be honest and say what an a$$ he was for treating me that way. I'm just glad it's over.
> I'm free to talk and see whoever I want again.


Do you know about his relationship history?


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## Waits4Mr.Right (Oct 29, 2011)

@ ConanHub: Nope. I only know he was married twice. One when he was only 19/20. Lasted about 4 yrs. The second one was for 16 yrs. Still communicates with the step kids and they refer to him as dad.

He just texted me Happy Thanksgiving. Seriously, he must not understand the hurt he caused. Where do these men come from? Sure I said I'd still be his friend but right now I need Time! Hello Smh!


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

Nope. 

I've never made the effort to check up on my ex girlfriend from way back. 

She might still live in my city or have moved.....don't know and don't really care. 

If I bumped into her today, would I recognize her? Don't know. 

If she saw and recognized me, say at the main shopping mall, came over and said hi and chatted, I would say hi and chat with her and I've even forgiven her as well. 

Everything happens for a reason and has lead me to Mrs.CuddleBug.

My ex girlfriend was one of those hotties babes, liked to party, many guy friends and kept in close contact with her ex boyfriends, even when we dated. She was flirty and there is no way I could trust her. When I think about it today, she was the hottie, babe, party girl you do not go out with and get married to....


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

I do not have a lot of exes. However, I can't see how keeping track, or having ANY contact is a good thing.

If I left her, I left her for a reason. That reason probably won't 'change'.

If she left me, she also left for a reason (probably a long list of them!) Do I crawl back swearing I will change when I most likely wont? No.


So...she leaves...and her life is a merry ball! She is dancing with princes, and dating CEOs, and making a thousand dollars a day as she sleeps with male gymnasts. Do I _really_ need to know that?

Or, her life is absolute crap. While a bit of schadenfreude is entertaining, it probably wouldn't do my soul any good. Plus, I might feel a touch of 'Prince Charming' syndrome. I don't want that temptation. She left or agreed to leave. Good bye.

If I am doing well, do I want her to know this? No. She might be more bitter, she might want me back, she might try to rain on my parade. She might turn the kids against me, or she might sic lawyers on my ass to 'get some back'. Where is the upside for me?

And if I am doing poorly, no way in hell do I want her to know that either.

So in this one instance, I would try very hard to sit on my curiosity. That being said, I did check out an ex GF from HS to see what she did. A hubby and 2 kids. I think I checked that something like 5 years back?

A spouse? I don't see an upside.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

I have luckily always been a guy with a good ability to compartmentalize and move on. Most the girls I dated and stopped seeing I never really thought about again. One excepton is my x wife. I don't check up on her but by default she is still in my life.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

I don't need to check up on my ex as he is still very much part of my life, we had a big family dinner last night so we are up to date with each other.

Don't recall ever deliberately checking up on any other ex's, they were so long ago in the past and TBH I don't care what any of them are up too.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

I honestly forgot about my ex-wife until my wife felt the need to show me her page. She wanted to show me that the ex blew up like a whale, while she has maintained her figure. Women and some guys, can be so competitive.


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## xakulax (Feb 9, 2014)

*Do you ever check up on the X?*



Hell no that's one bag of crazy I don't want to open again


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## ChargingCharlie (Nov 14, 2012)

Interesting topic - I have to admit that I do, but only out of curiosity. The one I was involved with before the wife (well-endowed MILF) looks like Roseanne Barr now (needless to say, she didn't look like that when we were together almost 15 years ago). My first real girlfriend when I was in my late 20's in the mid 90's (cute little blond), who wanted to move to Florida, is on her third marriage now (she was divorced when we dated, and is on her second marriage since we were together), has four kids, and lives about 45 minutes from me. Looks nothing like she did when we were together, so I'd never recognize her. 

Again, no interest in getting seeing them again, but it is interesting to see what they're up to now.


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## antechomai (Oct 4, 2013)

This is a complicated question. I had a fiance that ended the relationship 36 years ago, I emailed her husband a few years ago, not her. No reply, and I let it rest.
First wife a couple years later, and then after 15 years, after her affair and divorce, I could care less.
In the first relationship there was no deceit, just an exit.
In the second I could care less.
In the third, at 56 and 58, we deal with life.


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