# Turned off my Facebook, Is that Too 'Beta'?



## joelmacdad (Jul 26, 2010)

Several months ago I turned off my Facebook account after the following constant questions from my wife:
- "Why did you post that picture, its not good at all of <me, you, the kids, our house, trip, party, _____ etc>"?
- "How did you post that at 2:30 PM at work when you always say how busy you are?"
- "How did you post that at 1:00 AM when you said earlier you were so tired?"
- "Why did you add <him/her> as a friend, I can't stand them"?
- "Why haven't you accepted <him/her> as a friend, you should since I did?"
- "How did you get your Facebook to do _________? I want that too."

I finally had enough and turned it off. It has been bliss as she knows for sure to ask me NOTHING related to FB, not even technical questions.

Is that too "beta" of me as a 20 year husband?


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## magnoliagal (Mar 30, 2011)

I think you should have blocked her, defriended her or whatever it's called.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

magnoliagal said:


> I think you should have blocked her, defriended her or whatever it's called.


Agreed - and done it without announcement.


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

my wife got real pizzy when i started my account, i really didnt care. i did deactivate it once because it just doesnt do anything for me, then i reactivated but dont get on it much. i did find it strange that she got so uptight about it though. what do you say about a wife that barely has sex with her husband but seems so possesive that she would get mad about him being on facebook.

i have quit worrying about what she thinks about me anymore, temp is way down


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## mentallydrained (Oct 7, 2010)

I have been in EXACT same boat as you and went through several 'beta' (what ever that means ) issues.

I deactived too then after some counseling H realized he was very possesive and insecure. He had his own account but only has family and few co-workers as friends. He kept asking me to get back on and I wouldn't.

Finally I did as I figured, why should he maintain an account and not I if it's something I enjoy? So I reactivated. He started up again with the comments of post etc. So...this time...I defriended him without notice. However, little did I realize the day I defriended him, he then deactived his account.

I never said anything until about 2 weeks later when he ask me why he couldn't see me in his friend list. So, I tell him. He through another fit. Said reason he deactivated is he was 'waiting' for me to come back on since he knew I liked it and once I did he wanted to get off of it so it could be something of 'mine' to enjoy. We have issues of me not having any privacy, friends, or just things in general that I do for myself or have for myself. 

Anyway, I refuse to add him as friend. I won't play the games anymore.


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## luckyman (Apr 14, 2011)

I found it to be a waste of time. Aside from unwanted "friends" keeping track of our lives, we were spending too much time responding. It even got to the point where relatives were calling to ask us if we had seen their Facebook page updates! Rather than talk about what has been going on while on the phone. 

It has been a great liberation for us.


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## rider03 (Apr 7, 2009)

okeydokie said:


> my wife got real pizzy when i started my account, i really didnt care. i did deactivate it once because it just doesnt do anything for me, then i reactivated but dont get on it much. i did find it strange that she got so uptight about it though. what do you say about a wife that barely has sex with her husband but seems so possesive that she would get mad about him being on facebook.
> 
> i have quit worrying about what she thinks about me anymore, temp is way down


Lordy amen to that brother. How about a wife that doesn't have ANY sex with her husband but gets all jealous and in a tizzy if she even thinks I spoke to another woman?

Messed up, big time.


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## SoCalKat (Mar 2, 2011)

Sounds like my future ex-wife.


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## joelmacdad (Jul 26, 2010)

I thought about blocking/de-friending, but that would have created even more questions and really just made her mad. Honestly her questions have no basis on what she is missing in our relationship. 

I've got to admit, not having the FB is really a blessing.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

joelmacdad said:


> I thought about blocking/de-friending, but that would have created even more questions and really just made her mad. Honestly her questions have no basis on what she is missing in our relationship.
> 
> I've got to admit, not having the FB is really a blessing.


Sounds like you're afraid of her reactions.

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/mens-clubhouse/18181-man-up-nice-guy-reference.html

You might want to give this link a look.

I'll bet you see yourself in the links therein.


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## joelmacdad (Jul 26, 2010)

I'm not afraid of her reactions at all. I just really don't need my wife walking around mad or full of resentment b/c of something as simple as a FB account. Thus, I don't have one.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

joelmacdad said:


> I'm not afraid of her reactions at all. I just really don't need my wife walking around mad or full of resentment b/c of something as simple as a FB account. Thus, I don't have one.


What do you think is the next issue over which she will have irrational objections?

And how will you handle that?


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## joelmacdad (Jul 26, 2010)

Conrad said:


> What do you think is the next issue over which she will have irrational objections?
> 
> And how will you handle that?


The next one is asking who i'm texting or getting text's from all the time. Or who I'm calling or getting calls from all the time.

I have recently reminded her that if my text or calls have anything to do with her at all I will let her know. Otherwise don't ask b/c it doesn't matter.

On the FB, I guess I could tell her the same..."let me have mine and you have yours, don't ask me anything, dont comment on anything, dont do anything". That would do nothing but create resentment. Her having resentment is wrong.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

joelmacdad said:


> The next one is asking who i'm texting or getting text's from all the time. Or who I'm calling or getting calls from all the time.
> 
> I have recently reminded her that if my text or calls have anything to do with her at all I will let her know. Otherwise don't ask b/c it doesn't matter.
> 
> On the FB, I guess I could tell her the same..."let me have mine and you have yours, don't ask me anything, dont comment on anything, dont do anything". That would do nothing but create resentment. Her having resentment is wrong.


Yet, you are owning it by capitulating.

Teaching her how to treat you.


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## ManDup (Apr 22, 2011)

okeydokie said:


> my wife got real pizzy when i started my account, i really didnt care. i did deactivate it once because it just doesnt do anything for me, then i reactivated but dont get on it much. i did find it strange that she got so uptight about it though. what do you say about a wife that barely has sex with her husband but seems so possesive that she would get mad about him being on facebook.


I would say it's a case of projection. She doesn't want you to get on facebook and use it for cheating, like she does.


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## joelmacdad (Jul 26, 2010)

I am for sure on that FB item. Because I know it wouldn't matter how many times I told to leave me and my FB alone that she'd always have something to say about it; most of that "saying" probably not positive. Or if she said something quickly, she could be steaming about it internally. I don't need that.


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## ManDup (Apr 22, 2011)

joelmacdad said:


> I am for sure on that FB item. Because I know it wouldn't matter how many times I told to leave me and my FB alone that she'd always have something to say about it; most of that "saying" probably not positive. Or if she said something quickly, she could be steaming about it internally. I don't need that.


No friends and afraid of your wife is no way to go through life, son. If she has resentment about you being on facebook, what is the rational reason for those resentments? Just joke about it and say you're trolling for girls on it. Agree and amplify, as they say. Women like a little ****iness. But not too much. Balance. 

Also, if she's steaming internally, that's up to her to "share those feelings" and if you notice her doing this, you should pry. Sounds like you need marriage counseling to get away from this problem avoidance, and toward active problem solving. None of it will just go away.


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## ShuttleDIK (Oct 18, 2010)

Facebook. Blech.

I see leaving it more as a power move. It's kinda fey, ain't it? All I can say is my life is alot more enjoyable since I left social networking behind.

Now if I could only get my wife offa that stuff. lol.


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## ManDup (Apr 22, 2011)

ShuttleDIK said:


> Facebook. Blech.
> 
> I see leaving it more as a power move. It's kinda fey, ain't it? All I can say is my life is alot more enjoyable since I left social networking behind.


Now there's a good reason to turn off facebook.


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## joelmacdad (Jul 26, 2010)

ShuttleDIK said:


> Facebook. Blech.
> 
> I see leaving it more as a power move. It's kinda fey, ain't it? All I can say is my life is alot more enjoyable since I left social networking behind.
> 
> Now if I could only get my wife offa that stuff. lol.


I honestly think leaving it has made my wife back off on other things. And yes, one less thing I ever have to deal with. The power to remove things from the plate is good.


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