# Push/pull factor: Veterans I need your wisdom on this one



## timeforchange

Hi,

I'm wondering if you can help me understand what's been going on here. I've been in my relationship 20 yrs now, married at 16...with 3 children. This is where I'm at right now to give you some more background. 

What I'd like to understand is the dynamics that's gone on each time I brought up the fact that I'm not happy in my marriage.

Each time I address it, the problem is mine and he seems oblivious and then says he wants to make things work. I fall for it everytime and believe that we were gonna work on things together.

The only thing I didn't do each time I expressed my unhappiness until the final straw, was call it a day. When I did that I'd given up yet STILL back tracked and believed that I'd see a difference in him and I didn't. Now I know the change has to be BOTH of us yet each time I believed we were in this together, I'd leave the start line thinking he's beside me ...... but he'd still be back there. Like it was all talk.

I've now learnt to stop doing this (leaving the start line). Sadly, I've become an observer and am now wondering, have I been played like a toy all this time? Like you know when a child has a toy and has no interest in it until some other child wants to play with it, then they make all sorts of noise to keep it. Then when they get the toy back they put it down again. They didn't want actually want it...just didn't want anyone else to have the toy either.

I'm sure I read somewhere that this is the push/pull factor. I'd really respect your views on this one and would love to know I stand a chance of getting it right with someone...someday.


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