# help



## Waited4This (Apr 10, 2011)

Me and my wife have been married for ten yrs now and she will give me oral before intercourse but will not give me oral to completion. She says that she can give me sex instead. I usually give her oral to completion before sex and she said that's only because she doesn't get off with penatration. Does this make sense? How can I change her mind?
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## Waited4This (Apr 10, 2011)

Also that an just sex is a garenteed orgasim for me and that sex isn't for her that's why I give her oral. I said that I work for my orgasim, meaning that I do all the work while she lays there. She won't touch herself to help with her orgasim.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

So you feel that since you give her oral until she orgasms, that she should give you oral until you ejaculate? Sounds like you wife doesn't like semen in her mouth. Perhaps she could complete oral in the shower where she can harmlessly allow the ejaculate to run right out of her mouth.

Yes, many women are unable to orgasm from penetration alone. 

I am concerned for your relationship that you come to a public forum for confirmation that what your wife tells you makes sense. If you spent any time reading in the SIM section, a woman's difficulty reaching orgasm via PIV sex is splashed all over. Sorry for the visual pun. Women disliking ejaculate is also frequently referred to.

Why don't you respect your wife?


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## nogutsnoglory (Jan 17, 2013)

Anon Pink said:


> So you feel that since you give her oral until she orgasms, that she should give you oral until you ejaculate? Sounds like you wife doesn't like semen in her mouth. Perhaps she could complete oral in the shower where she can harmlessly allow the ejaculate to run right out of her mouth.
> 
> Yes, many women are unable to orgasm from penetration alone.
> 
> ...


I do not think it is fair to say he is not respecting his wife. He may have been able to present this a bit better, but the reality is men want to have a BJ performed to completion from time to time. He is missing that and is frustrated IMO. I do not blame him. He is taking care of her he feels and wants to feel taken care of. Being taken care of sexually does not mean ejaculation it means having your needs met. He wants a completed BJ. She should understand this better and compromise as best she can.
Do it in the shower, do it and when he is going to finish, pull it out of her mouth and have her use her hands etc.. There are plenty of solid options for her than to reject his needs.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

I just checked your other threads.

You approach this problem with the clear perspective that your wife is essentially lazy, shiftless, ambitionless and selfish.

If that truly is how your wife approaches life, it's not going to change, no matter what you do. But I get the impression that what you bring to the table is enabling her behavior. 

If your wife just lays there during sex and you don't like that, have you told her what you would like her to do? Is it possible shes not feeling attracted to you and is maybe ambivalent about sex?


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

nogutsnoglory said:


> I do not think it is fair to say he is not respecting his wife. He may have been able to present this a bit better, but the reality is men want to have a BJ performed to completion from time to time. He is missing that and is frustrated IMO. I do not blame him. He is taking care of her he feels and wants to feel taken care of. Being taken care of sexually does not mean ejaculation it means having your needs met. He wants a completed BJ. She should understand this better and compromise as best she can.
> Do it in the shower, do it and when he is going to finish, pull it out of her mouth and have her use her hands etc.. There are plenty of solid options for her than to reject his needs.


Yes, indeed, there are many options...so why is he pouting here and not exploring them with his wife?

Yes, he is taking care of her needs by giving her oral, which is the only way she can orgasm. So he gets to orgasm in a multitude of ways, each and every time they have sex, no matter the position and she gets to orgasm when he goes down on her. Fair trade?

I don't give oral to completion to Mr Pink very often. I want that lovely erection to go somewhere else and I'm unwilling to take turns. Call me selfish...but call me sexually satisfied!


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## nogutsnoglory (Jan 17, 2013)

Anon Pink said:


> Yes, indeed, there are many options...so why is he pouting here and not exploring them with his wife?
> 
> Yes, he is taking care of her needs by giving her oral, which is the only way she can orgasm. So he gets to orgasm in a multitude of ways, each and every time they have sex, no matter the position and she gets to orgasm when he goes down on her. Fair trade?
> 
> I don't give oral to completion to Mr Pink very often. I want that lovely erection to go somewhere else and I'm unwilling to take turns. Call me selfish...but call me sexually satisfied!


Fair trade? Not sure why it is his fault (or hers) that she cannot orgasm from anything other than oral. If that is true then he is only given one option to make her reach her peak and he makes sure to do that for her. He just wants something sexually and she is shutting that desire down is my point. She should not be so quick to not be willing to try to make him happy.
We read so often about the cheating spouse and he/she doing things with the affair partner they never would do at home. I think it works both ways. If a partner has a need and you continuously just say no to it and are not willing to try for their benefit, do not be surprised the day you find out they are getting the need met. Not what I consider the right action, but certainly a common one.
If your H is ok with not getting BJ's then great for both of you, but that is not the case for all.


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## Waited4This (Apr 10, 2011)

Pink, I don't and never have ejaculated in my wife's mouth because I respect the fact she doesn't like that in the past she has finished me with her hand during a bj, also in the past she would touch herself for the added stimulation she needed to get off but not anymore. I have told her about her not being a participant in sex. She acknowledged this and has done little to correct it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

nogutsnoglory said:


> Fair trade? Not sure why it is his fault (or hers) that she cannot orgasm from anything other than oral. If that is true then he is only given one option to make her reach her peak and he makes sure to do that for her. He just wants something sexually and she is shutting that desire down is my point. She should not be so quick to not be willing to try to make him happy.
> We read so often about the cheating spouse and he/she doing things with the affair partner they never would do at home. I think it works both ways. If a partner has a need and you continuously just say no to it and are not willing to try for their benefit, do not be surprised the day you find out they are getting the need met. Not what I consider the right action, but certainly a common one.
> If your H is ok with not getting BJ's then great for both of you, but that is not the case for all.



Don't mistake not completing oral to not getting oral. I whole heartedly agree with you regarding opening your relationship to another person who may be quite happy to fill the gap. 

To the OP, with your added information, it appears your wife is withdrawing her full participation from sex altogether, not just in the form of completing or stimulating you with a BJ. Youwant her to touch herself, to be more active during sex? You mention that she just lays there while you feel like you are using her body to get yourself off. I believe that is commonly referred to as "duty sex" and many husbands here hate it, with good reason.

What you describe, IMO, is a symptom of the bigger problem. For your wife to placate you with duty sex to keep you from being totally dissatisfied is thus masking the bigger issue. I haven't read you other threads, just skimmed, but it appears you are terribly dissatisfied with your wife, in more ways than her giving you duty sex. 

So what are the big issues in your relationship? 

How do you two get along? 

What are your expectations for your wife and what her expectations for a husband? How are they different from reality and how have they been adjusted over the years? For instance, way back when I was first married I expected that my husband would be able to read my mind, or certainly know me well enough to meet my needs. When that proved wrong I decided I shouldn't have those needs and shut them down, but they kept cropping up leading to years of general dissatisfaction and growing resentment. Adjusting expectations is good, but the adjustment has to also be realistic for who you both are...see what I mean?

What are your needs that she isn't meeting and what her needs (and you may have to guess) that you aren't meeting.

Seek to identify her unmet needs and seek to meet them. Identify your needs, explain them to her and ask that she meet them. But you have to be careful here because resentment often prevents both spouses from fully transforming their relationship. TIME, this all takes time and it is hard.


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## nogutsnoglory (Jan 17, 2013)

Anon Pink said:


> Don't mistake not completing oral to not getting oral. I whole heartedly agree with you regarding opening your relationship to another person who may be quite happy to fill the gap.
> 
> To the OP, with your added information, it appears your wife is withdrawing her full participation from sex altogether, not just in the form of completing or stimulating you with a BJ. Youwant her to touch herself, to be more active during sex? You mention that she just lays there while you feel like you are using her body to get yourself off. I believe that is commonly referred to as "duty sex" and many husbands here hate it, with good reason.
> 
> ...


great insight and great advice.. I suggest you take it.
good luck.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

she sounds sexualy selfish to me.

just sayin!!!!

should have kicked her to the curb when you first found out. 

so what can you do about it now.

not much. 


this topic is on this board a fair bit. not just guys but women also come hear and say I give but my spouce won't return the favor.

( I know she gives but won't complete the deal. and thats different than someone who at least gives an half a$$ed attempt )

and thats what it is a halfa$$ atempt. sorry but just not the same.

if it were me I would return the favor just give her half of oral and then finish with PIV. if she can't climax then its on her to up her game or do with out.

but be warned games like this often back fire and could end your relationship. on the other hand who wants to be in a relationship with someone who dosn't care what you like and freely accepts it but won't return the favor.


on a side note you would think that someone who can only orgasm that way would want to return the favor.....makes no sence to me.


or quit giving oral and only use your fingers and hands. 

yuck .....yuck I hate sexualy selfish people.


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

I can understand why a woman would prefer not to give a BJ to completion - because there's no PIV sex afterwards. If I knew that if I gave my wife oral and that would end it for PIV, I'd feel the same way.

However.....I think that a loving wife would be willing to "take one for the team" on occasion.

Now, if someone would be so kind to forward this post to my wife.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

Waited4This said:


> Me and my wife have been married for ten yrs now and she will give me oral before intercourse but will not give me oral to completion. She says that she can give me sex instead. I usually give her oral to completion before sex and she said that's only because she doesn't get off with penatration. Does this make sense? How can I change her mind?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Your wife may have preconceived notions about ejaculate in her mouth and even swallowing. 

She may of had that before you and now has no desire for it.

My wifee gives me BJ's but until completion, I go in her mouth and she swallows every time. Now I know she doesn't love it, so I asked her, what can I do to make this better? She told me have her fav drink nearby. So every time she gives me a BJ to completion and swallows, she has her Almond drink afterwards.

Now when I go down on her and with a small vib I bought her, I stay down there until she orgasms. It doesn't smell pleasant but I go down on her anyway until she orgasms because she loves it.

It's compromise, doing for each other to please them, and not what you only want or are willing to do.

Talk with her about oral. If she still isn't willing to give you BJ's to completion and even swallow, then only give her oral a little bit as well and not to completion. Fair is fair.


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