# Why do they ask?



## Nomorebeans (Mar 31, 2015)

So, I signed my son up for a three-week sleep away camp he's been asking to go to for a couple years earlier this week. When I was filling out the registration form, it asked for marital status, with these options: Married, Single, Divorced, Widowed.

Really? Why is it any of their business?

This has always bothered me in the past, even when I was married, and before that, single and happy to be. I thought it must really suck for divorced and widowed people. Now I know it does.


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## WorkingWife (May 15, 2015)

Nomorebeans said:


> So, I signed my son up for a three-week sleep away camp he's been asking to go to for a couple years earlier this week. When I was filling out the registration form, it asked for marital status, with these options: Married, Single, Divorced, Widowed.
> 
> Really? Why is it any of their business?


If there is a legitimate reason for the question my best guess is that it has to do with custody rights. What if the other parent comes to pick the kid up from camp? If you're single or divorced they might know to contact you before letting the kid go.

Though it also could be an obsolete question that's always been on the form that they never thought to removed. It seems I've seen that question on lost of forms -- like Dr., Banking, all kinds of things where maybe there's a legal reason they ask, but maybe not. (What is the difference between single and divorced in these circumstances? I'm thinking there isn't a different.)

I think I would leave it blank or put N/A if I objected to the question and wasn't worried about my psycho ex showing up to abduct my son. Or you could have a little fun and say "Other" or "Divorced but I self-identify as XYZ."


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

I was a baseball coach for years and our registration asked that question, we also asked "if divorced who the custodial parent was", and we asked for both parents contact info and an emergency contact name and number. 

As coaches we wanted to know a parents status as a way of understanding and monitoring the child, who should be picking the kid up, who to contact if needed, and honestly even if the kid needed a little more mentoring than other kids. 

There were parents who had restraining orders against each other and weren't to be at the games at the same time, custody issues, or other times where a relative or friend we didn't know would show up to pick a kid up. There's a lot of possible scenarios where someone in charge of a child wants to know the parents status.

Anyway...we felt the more we knew about a kids home life the better job we could do coaching and watching out for the kid.


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## Nomorebeans (Mar 31, 2015)

Those seem like legit reasons. On this one form, there weren't any follow-up questions about custody or visitation schedules, so it just seemed it of place. On another online history form they have for new campers, they do ask questions about any recent life-changes, like moving or changing schools or divorce, and those seem valid in the context.


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

Seems intrusive, like an old form that just had it there. Its really none of anyone's business what your "status" is.


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

Because they need to know if there could be someone else who has the authority to make decisions in an emergency situation if they need to or if someone has the right to come pick up your child unexpectedly or if there could be a contentious situation. Sure, you put stuff on a form about emergency contacts 1 & 2, who they can release your child to, etc. but in this day of parental abductions (or abductions period), they need to find out. It's a perfectly legitimate question. It has nothing to do with YOU or how they perceive you or your child and everything to do about the child's home life so they know how to respond safely.


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## Hardtohandle (Jan 10, 2013)

You know what sucks balls even more ?
When your a single dad with custody of your kids and their schools treat you like some child molester when you call asking questions about your own kids..

Let me explain..

My 11 year old had a valentines day dance at his school.

I find out about it that morning when I get into work, as I leave for work before he goes to school and my brother takes him and picks him up every day for me.

Nonetheless, my mom calls me and tells me about this dance. So I am wondering if they need me there, Do I have to pay anything as I didn't get a slip, can I go to take pictures, ETC.. So I call the school and ask about the dance. They put the Main person responsible for the dance on the phone.. 

*Her *- The dance isn't that day but the next day.
*Me -* Okay, that's great, can I go ? Does it cost anything ? What is the dress code ? Where is it, is it at the school ? What time is it at ?
*Her -* I'm sorry who is this again ?
*Me -* I'm First Name, Last Name dad.. 
*Her-* Umm, I'm sorry give me a sec I will know if you can pick him up.
*Me -* ( I already know where this is going ) Oh, you don't have to fvcking let me know because I'm his fvcking father and I will pick him up or my brother like we have done for the last 3 years every day he has been in that school.
*Her -* One second, puts me on hold..
*Her -* Sorry who is this again ?
*Me - *Are you kidding me ?
*Some muffled noise her covering the phone and telling someone I am SoandSo dad.*
**Another female gets on the phone.**
*Her -* Who is this ?
*Me - *Okay, I see where this is at.. I will tell you who I am.. I am the Man who has physical custody of my son. I am the man that along with my Brother and Mother pick up my son from that school since my Ex wife his mother abandon us 3 years ago... I'm the man that gets child support.. Now who the fvck is this grilling me about a god dam valentines day dance ?
*Her - *I'm sorry Mr HTH, this is your sons 4th grade teacher from last year. I apologize for the confusion.
*Me -* Oh there was no confusion, that other woman made it very fvcking clear that she just assumed I was the divorced, estrange dad looking to kidnap his son. But god forbid that she might think the mother might be the estranged crazy one.. Holy Sh!t talk about fvcking double standards in that school. I never spoke to someone so ignorant in my life.
*Her -* Very sorry I know your situation, I will speak to her. 
*Me -* thank you
*Her -* Its 10 dollars I will get you the form.
*Me -* thank you
*30 Minutes later **Her calling me back*
*Her -* He already has the form and you signed it already..
*Me -* No I didn't, but I am sure my Ex wife did for me..
*Her -* One Second..* Talks with my son..* Yes she did.. I don't know why she would, when she could have signed it herself. It also states you are coming to pick up your son..
*Me -* No I am not, my brother is.

And this is the kind of fvcking bullsh!t I deal with all the time in my both kids school..

It clearly states my ex wife different home address, but the send letters addressed to my ex wife but to my home address.. 

First question when people find out the kids are with me.. Is she on drugs or something ? Nervous break down ? 

My answer is no they wanted to be with me. They loved me more..
When women say I never heard of that.. 
I respond, what you never heard of kids loving their fathers more ? 

I've seen cop friends move back home into their parents basement. Have to pay child support, Pay for the car lease and part of the mortgage on the home for several years.. 
My ex wife pays me 400 a month.. Because she refuses to work at her job full time at 40 an hour and instead works at a place for 13 an hour.. This is after the court imputing money and then reducing it..

Please don't get me started..


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## Herschel (Mar 27, 2016)

@Hardtohandle damn bro, those questionnaires effin piss you off...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

Actually, the question about marital status is obsolete, and could and should be replaced about who has guardianship and custody rights. It does not matter if someone is married--the partner could be a step-parent who has no legal rights pertaining to the child. In my field of work this comes up on a regular basis and we let parents know that unless a step-parent has legal guardianship, s/he has no parental rights. 

Clarifying who has legal guardianship is much more important than knowing a parent's marital status, b/c the two things are not directly linked. We just think that they are.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

@Hardtohandle, been there, but can you imagine the bio father who pays the child support getting the same type of treatment and being told he's not the father and doesn't have a right to any information about his children. When I called the court, they would not help, or maybe couldn't. My heart was breaking. I was soooo angry. 

That's the way to do it. Take the part about her signing things to the highest levels possible or it will get worse. You have to take no prisoners, as you did with the school.


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

sisters359 said:


> Actually, the question about marital status is obsolete, and could and should be replaced about who has guardianship and custody rights. It does not matter if someone is married--the partner could be a step-parent who has no legal rights pertaining to the child. In my field of work this comes up on a regular basis and we let parents know that unless a step-parent has legal guardianship, s/he has no parental rights.
> 
> Clarifying who has legal guardianship is much more important than knowing a parent's marital status, b/c the two things are not directly linked. We just think that they are.


You are absolutely right, the wording on registrations form and such should be updated to reflect the current norms.

The problem with that is many organizations are still using the same forms from 10/15 years ago, there's twenty boxes of forms in the storage shed and they're going to use them up before they update! lol


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