# My wife cheated, I forgave her, but she won't move on



## Vic G (Apr 14, 2012)

I just recently discovered my wife had an affair for two years. I found out about the affair when I looked tru her email and found out she was pregnant with the OM's child. I confronted her and she said she was terrified. I had told her on the phone that it was over and she cried. 10 minutes later, I called her back and told her I would be with her all tru the disaster because I couldn't bear the thought of her going tru such an event all alone, what would her family say, what would our friends say, she will be cut off, she will have no where to go, she will be devastated.

We had a long talk when I went home. I am currently working/training overseas and will be here for 3 years. My wife said she felt abandoned and that I never really showed her that I loved here, because I had to leave a few months after we married. I felt really remorseful and apologized again and again, telling her it was all my fault and not hers. Unfortunately, we decided to get an abortion and I accompanied her all the way, caring for her and telling her how sorry I am.

But when I ask her to stop seeing the OM, she said she needs time to think. She says I was never around when she needed me, and indeed I was never the greatest husband, this I admit. But I sincerely apologized and even forgave her. I told her I would forgive her seventy times seven times if need be, but she still says she wants to consider thing over, whether to leave the OM or not. I am deeply depressed.

I am now back at my job in another country, I can't imagine what my wife is doing, I want to trust her, but she says she has not made up her mind yet, I asked her when she would be ready to start over again, she says she doesn't know if she wants to. I sent a text to the OM to ask him to back off, I would have confronted him, and beat him to death, but that would only pain my wife.

I love my wife more than i love myself. I used to be a spiritual man, seeking God in all I do, but now I keep asking God where he is at this time? I can't help it, I am lost. I love her, I am willing to forgive her, but why wouldn't she start a new life with me? I wanted her to join me in counseling, but she refused, I asked her what she wants, she said I was pressuring her. I told her to leave the OM, she said it was difficult. 

Everyday, I call her, text her and even send her love letters, but she seems cold, distant. I text the OM and threatened legal action, for it is illegal under the penal code to entice someone's wife here, but I donno how that's gonna end.

They both claim they love each other, but I warned her that going with someone like that, with no morals would only kill her. She said he was a good guy, and that she was the one who fell for him.

I'm lost. Really lost. Depressed. I want to move on, but I have only been with one woman in my life, and that is her, for the pass 10 years, from studying together to marriage... I love her so much, i don't know if i can ever learn to love anyone else...


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

She didn't confess; you caught her. As far as you know, she never had any intention of telling you the truth about this child. Confronted with her treachery and deceit, she BLAMES YOU!! She says she doesn't know if she wants a life with you but she's not ready to break off this OM. She rejects your loving overtures. They say they love each other. You want her to go to counseling and she refuses. How many ways does she have to show you? You say you want to trust her? So, trust her! She's screaming loudly to you who she is, what she's about, and what she wants. What she wants just isn't you.


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## Vic G (Apr 14, 2012)

No, there was a problem with it, ectopic and we had to abort it. I accompanied and cared for her through the process. I thought I had moved her by my sincerity, but I really don't understand what's going on. I'm again away in another country, will be back in 2 weeks. It's going to be a terrible two weeks for me, not knowing what I'm going home to.

Was I too soft to her? Is this not the way to deal with it? I thought she would be touched, and indeed, I felt that she was at first. That's when I asked her to start over with me. But she wouldn't give me a straight answer, just constant crying and blaming. She said she thinks of coming back to me, but haven't made up her mind, she says she feels pressured with my constant asking, and that whenever she thinks of returning to my side, I blow it by pressuring her and setting up boundaries. 

I do not think I am at fault, but I do not know how to go on...


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## Subi (Apr 4, 2012)

read krans thread. You are too weak you are too nice. Women dont like this. She is probably going to leave you. At a time when you should have put yo foot down you crambled she knew what she did was wrong and deserved to get a beating for it. Instead you reward her for bad behaviour. You greatly de valued yoself to her. She is acting like a brat. I dont think she thinks much of you to be honest. Stay on here and you ll find out where you went wrong. You also come across as boring and desperate which probably explains a few things. Marriage is not for the faint hearted. Good luck
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

Vic, if you love her more then yourself then you have to respect her wishes. She preferred OM over you, just let her go.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

I'm betting that she's keeping you close but at arm's length because she's waiting to see if this thing with the OM pans out. If it doesn't, you're the back-up plan. She'd rather have him than you but she'd rather have you than nobody.


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## OldWolf57 (Mar 20, 2012)

File D papers, and grow up. how can you love someone more than yourself. that shows you are not ready for a mature relationship. take time to know you while you are over there. marrying then leaving a couple of months later for 3 yrs. come on man grow up. she just gave you your freedom. use it, and if nothing else, the D papers will wake her up to reality. she love him but abort his kid. she is too immature herself, also he must be desparate to take her back after she did. so let them have each other.


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## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

You went above and beyond what was needed to show that you were willing to reconcile. I don't think it's a matter of you being too soft on her, I think she harbours a lot of resentment towards you and because of the situation of your marriage.

From her point of view, she has on one hand a man who gives all she needs and on the other, one who's always away and "abandoned" her. This is a long term affair and she has alot of emotions invested in the other man. When it's both physical and emotional combined, I don't see much hope to be honest.

Long distance marriages never work. Women need constant attention, when they lack it, what you went through happens. I don't think this marriage has any chance of success if you're going to spend another 3 years away from her (unless I misread you). Unless you can figure out a way of you two being together and her willing to reconcile, I'd throw in the towel.


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## Vic G (Apr 14, 2012)

There is a way for her to come over, she is supposed to come for an internship to where I am, where we will be together again. But now, she is hesitating as if she wants to come.

I admit, I am weak. I really am, if not I would have kicked her out the moment I found out. Not writing love letters to win her back.

I am going to put my foot down, I will make her choose. Thanks for the support.


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## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

Vic G said:


> There is a way for her to come over, she is supposed to come for an internship to where I am, where we will be together again. But now, she is hesitating as if she wants to come.
> 
> I admit, I am weak. I really am, if not I would have kicked her out the moment I found out. Not writing love letters to win her back.
> 
> ...


You need to expose it to the other man's family too. I do agree with you that you did forgive her too easily, if this marriage had any chance of success she should've been the one trying to win you back. If she's being hesitant then you definitely need to file for divorce and see if her attitude changes, you can always cancel the proceedings if she gets serious about reconciliation. Word of advice though, you're in for a very long road. As I said before, this was both an emotional and physical affair that reached an extent where they were planning to have children together. It's very hard for the marriage to work again after your wife gave so much of her heart to another man.


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## vickyyy (Oct 28, 2011)

Ur wife is full of sh1t ,selfish woman with no respect to u and marriage.and top of this ur acting like a doormat.MAN UP boy.
There r way better women on this planet than her.save ur life and divorce her.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Your problem is not with the OM. If your wife wants other men, there are over 100 million to choose from. Are you going to threaten them all with legal action? Your business is with your wife. She is the one who owes you loyalty. She is the one who has betrayed you. The OM didn't take anything from you that she didn't willingly and eagerly offer. No OM can decide whether you have a successful marriage with your wife or not. If it wasn't him, it would have been someone else.


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## OldWolf57 (Mar 20, 2012)

1st, what are you doing overseas, biz, school ?? Well to be truthful, if you can't be strong in your personal life, how can you be strong in business. your wife got preg from another man, ur wife won't drop other man. so why don't you tell her to bring him with her so you can support all three of you. that way you can take care of her when he drop her, and until she finds other to move into your house. DO YOU SEE WHAT YOU ARE LETTING YOURSELF IN FOR. GROW THE F UP.


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## Vic G (Apr 14, 2012)

Yes, I should grow up. Thanks everyone. I have been to other support groups, it was.. patience this, patience that, pray hard... 

I see it now, I've always known what I did was weak, didn't want to admit it, needed a wake up call. This is awakening, please continue to whack me till I am fully awake. Thanks for the support.


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## vickyyy (Oct 28, 2011)

unbelievable said:


> Your problem is not with the OM. If your wife wants other men, there are over 100 million to choose from. Are you going to threaten them all with legal action? Your business is with your wife. She is the one who owes you loyalty. She is the one who has betrayed you. The OM didn't take anything from you that she didn't willingly and eagerly offer. No OM can decide whether you have a successful marriage with your wife or not. If it wasn't him, it would have been someone else.


:iagree::iagree:


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## cledus_snow (Feb 19, 2012)

dude.....your marriage is over. _FOCKER OUT!_


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## Subi (Apr 4, 2012)

ooh poor vic g. I am pissing myself with laughter. You need prayers but you need firm action too. You have been given plenty of awakening here. Use it to make or break yo marriage. Good luck
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Vic G (Apr 14, 2012)

I can actually read and smile again. 

Will give her a little time to get over the abortion tho, that is the least I can do. Losing a child, even unborn is never easy.

Even I am deeply sad over losing a life.

So while I let her rest, and while I have this freedom away from her, please brothers and sisters, whack me silly, cause I couldn't be any more sillier....


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

You're not silly, just in love and brokenhearted. 100 people can suggest that you dump her, but only one will feel the pain. If we were relationship experts, we'd be making love to our partners instead of spending time on this forum. This is like a hospital for the married wounded. You're going to school to learn. This is just another class in the university of life. The tuition is very high. The trick is to not need to repeat the same class.


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## Houstondad (Jul 6, 2011)

People here that know me from a year ago will tell you I was a pushover. And I was. I was the husband that did anything and everything for the woman he loved. Or So I thought. Apparently, I wasn't meeting ALL of her needs. It was hard to be strong when you're in a dark place because of the affair. Get some meds for the short-term, seek Individual counseling and you have to expose the OM.
It's hard man, I know. But having gone through it, you will not regret it. I regret not being tougher. I enabled so much early on even when the affair was exposed. These guys are right, wives/women don't like a husband who is an enabler or is weak, even when you think you're doing the right thing like depositing love points and being the nice guy. It doesn't matter while they're in the fog. Be strong and let her go. I finally did, and looking back on it, it was the right thing to do. Good luck my friend.


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## Vic G (Apr 14, 2012)

How do I expose the OM? He is single... But has a respected job. 

I thought of messaging all his contacts and friends especially his family on FB to tell them the truth, but would that bring me trouble? Defamation? Invasion of privacy? etc?

Well mayb not defamation, cause what he did is true and I have prove.


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## Eli-Zor (Nov 14, 2010)

Vic G said:


> How do I expose the OM? He is single... But has a respected job.
> 
> I thought of messaging all his contacts and friends especially his family on FB to tell them the truth, but would that bring me trouble? Defamation? Invasion of privacy? etc?
> 
> Well mayb not defamation, cause what he did is true and I have prove.


Telling the truth will not lead to any legal case against you. Yes to exposure on Facebook and yes to his friends and family. This OM is single and as he has no issues having an affair expose to his contacts and friends be they co-workers or clients . The fallout is his problem.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Vic G (Apr 14, 2012)

Ahhhh... thanks. I will wait a week, and when he thinks all is safe, I will kick him in the arse~!!!!


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

He got your wife pregnant and then dumped her on you to deal with it. You did help and yet she claims he is great and you aren't there for her. 

Now that the pregnancy problem is over she's back with him and you are out again. 


She won't even consider dumping him. 

Do you see how awful a person she is? 
Divorce her. She is unfaithful she is selfish. Stop being a push over and enabling her. 

Do you send money home to her? Stop that immediately and divorce her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Vic G (Apr 14, 2012)

Dear Shaggy

I do, thanks for the support. I know what to do.


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## OldWolf57 (Mar 20, 2012)

Hey Vic, GOD help those who help themselves. Truly, you are not mature enough to be in a relationship at this time. D this woman, and take the next few yrs. getting to really know you. what you want in a woman, what you will not condone in a relationship, what bounderies you want in a relationship, and what in life you want. Just Grow Bro, Just grow, I think you will surprise urself with what a grown man you can be.


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## bryanp (Aug 25, 2011)

Have you gotten tested for STD's? If you had been banging another woman behind her back for 2 years how do you think she would be acting? Good God she has no respect for you whatsoever. If you do not respect yourself then who will? Enough is enough!


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

I just read this post and I am.....rendered utterly speechless.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Vic G said:


> No, there was a problem with it, ectopic and we had to abort it. I accompanied and cared for her through the process. I thought I had moved her by my sincerity, but I really don't understand what's going on. I'm again away in another country, will be back in 2 weeks. It's going to be a terrible two weeks for me, not knowing what I'm going home to.
> 
> Was I too soft to her? Is this not the way to deal with it? I thought she would be touched, and indeed, I felt that she was at first. That's when I asked her to start over with me. But she wouldn't give me a straight answer, just constant crying and blaming. She said she thinks of coming back to me, but haven't made up her mind, she says she feels pressured with my constant asking, and that whenever she thinks of returning to my side, I blow it by pressuring her and setting up boundaries.
> 
> I do not think I am at fault, but I do not know how to go on...


Yes. You were too soft. You also were not attractive to her as you took all of ten minutes to forgive her and to accept that she cuckolded you with anoher man's child.

This is not the wife you are looking for. Throwing love letters at an unfaithful wife is complete folly. 

Realize that it is not just the OM that has no morals. he cheated with a woman who has low morals as well.


Cut her loose.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Vic G said:


> Ahhhh... thanks. I will wait a week, and when he thinks all is safe, I will kick him in the arse~!!!!


The best revenge to use against a man who takes another man's wife is to do nothing. Let him have the lying, cheating, heifer! A bullet would instantly end his misery. Bruises and broken bones would heal in weeks. He can move or change his name to avoid damage to his reputation. Being latched to a disloyal, untrustworthy woman will be subjecting him to years of living hell. He will someday be enduring the same misery you currently are feeling and you don't have to do a thing.


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## Kallan Pavithran (Jan 17, 2012)

She cheated you, lied you for two long yrs and got pregnant with some ones seed, you took only ten minute to forgive her, dont you feel something wrong with your selfrespect and morals. Are you too low moraled to forgive this in less than ten minute.

Two yrs of your marriage was a lie, nothing she told was true, nothing she expressed as her emotions or love for you were lie. She may have been talking to you while OM banging her a$$ out. wah.......

She dont deserve a second chance, kick her out of your life, else your life will be nothing more than pain, distrust, and hate. Do you want rest of your life like that? if no kick her out and Divorce her. No need for looking back. There is lot of nice girls who deserve you. Not this horrible disrespectful cheating wife.


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

Sorry Vic but I couldn't even go through all the posts after reading your initial one.

Let's see if I have this right:

1 - She cheated on you
2 - She did not fess up to it until caught
3 - The OM had his way with her (unprotected sex, God only knows how many times)
4 - She was carrying his baby and you agreed that this was OK
5 - She basically told you to go f*ck yourself when you told her to have NC with the slime ball that put his you-know-what in here and knocked her up
6 - She exposed you to all sorts of nasty STDs (and a possible death sentence)
7 - She's not beiing receptive to any of your messages now that you're back overseas
8 - You KNOW she's letting him do all sorts of things to her again
9 - You are OK with all the above?????????

For the love of God man, you need to grow a pair right now (at least a pair that is as big as your wife's an her lover's!)


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## CH (May 18, 2010)

VicG, have you seen the old 80's movies Last American Virgin?

Guy loves girl, girl loves another guy. Gets pregnant and other guy drops her like a rock. You (1st guy) cares for her and helps her get an abortion.

In the end, girl goes back to the other guy. 1st guy you, drives off crying his heart out and the movie ends.

But in this movie, it keeps going on and you keep staying with her saying you need to protect her. How about you protect yourself instead, so what if everyone shuns her, she doesn't care about you except for your money to let her keep going out, have a roof under her head, food on the table.

If I was her, I would be the happiest person alive, got the chump, Oh I mean loving husband to pay for everything and I get to bang the love of my life (which isn't you BTW). You're the ATM machine at the current time, the OM is the MAN who gets her the other way you can't since you're over seas.

So, why are you breaking your back working overseas to make a good life for you and her again???


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## Tap1214 (Aug 14, 2011)

Toffer is absolutely right! And STOP apologizing to your wife, for God's sake. It's not your fault that she cheated on you and got pregnant with OM's child.
The reality is, your wife doesn't respect you or love you. She's holding on to you and keeping you on a limbo for financial reasons only. Meaning, while you are overseas, she's spending your money hanging out with OM.
I'm sorry, but sometimes TRUTH hurts! Be strong, gain some self-respect and move on with your life.
I have a feeling, if your parents / family knows about what your wife did to you, they would be horrified. Tell them, as you will be needing their emotional support and advice!


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## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

Your thread title is wrong. Your wife did move on. From you. Likely, a long time ago. She just didnt tell you. 

Sorry, I doubt your even the second choice. She's just saying that because she's a self centered b*tch and she might need to use you for something later... 

Move on, it's over.


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## Kallan Pavithran (Jan 17, 2012)

Toffer said:


> Sorry Vic but I couldn't even go through all the posts after reading your initial one.
> 
> Let's see if I have this right:
> 
> ...


:iagree::iagree::iagree:

What happened to this guys self respect and self esteem? why he is behaving like a cuckold or a doormat? 
He know she is again banging OM and she will be again get knocked up by OM. I think he will again go to her and get an abortion or become ready to take OM child as his, till she leave him. (i dont think that she will leave him because its very difficult to find a such niceeeee husband in this world)


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## Vic G (Apr 14, 2012)

I was a complete doormat. I couldn't agree more. 

Just set my wife straight a few hours ago. Made her severe all ties with OM, threatened her with D and all sorts of lawsuits, for her and OM. They are both professionals, so it will destroy their lives completely with something like this.

Just like from what I read here, she was angry, accused me of snooping, invading her privacy, forcing her to a dead end... blah blah blah.... I told her she could go announce to the world what she did, and leave me to be with OM if she wanted, but all she did was cry and cry. Well too bad. Our marriage can live with a little anger and hate for now. Will see is she really repents and is sincere at R.

Any ideas how to go on from here dear friends? Deep inside, would still like to R, but with all these emotions, wonder where it's headed...


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## Eli-Zor (Nov 14, 2010)

For a start read the newbie thread for templates and supporting information

As you are on a roll , have her hand write a no contact letter that you post 
Both her parents and yours should know of the affair and her commitment to work on the marriage
Full transparency in every thing , no passwords or hidden accounts


http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/32002-welcome-tam-cwi-newbies-please-read.html
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Eli-Zor (Nov 14, 2010)

and expose the affair to his family and friends
If they work together or in an industry that enables contact with each othen she leaves her job.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Vic G (Apr 14, 2012)

Thanks a lot,
I have read the newbie thread, that's how I started waking up from my stupidity, along with all the good thrashing I got from the kind folks here...

No, they don't work together. I have all her passwords and stuff, even saved her credit card bills and recorded all the conversations I had with her regarding the A.


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## cledus_snow (Feb 19, 2012)

you're getting your b*lls back, son. good for you.

i'd expose no matter what. i'll knock her back into reality-- kill the affair fantasy.


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## snap (Oct 3, 2011)

Expose.

Also, count on her taking it underground. Be prepared to follow up with whatever you promised.


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## Vic G (Apr 14, 2012)

Ooh, she did try to take it underground, but wasn't wise enough to hide it too well. I figured it out and printed every email and chat they had. 

That's when I threatened legal action to destroy them both.

Will keep a even closer eye now. But what the heck? If it goes on, why even R right? Just destroy them both.


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## Vic G (Apr 14, 2012)

Will the anger and hate subside? She's pretty pissed off I guess. But I'm standing my ground. 

What should I do next to R? She says she's not ready for counseling. Well, mayb talking to a stranger isn't really our Asian norm. Doesn't feel too comforting for me as well. Given time, mayb we'll go for it.

I can't go all softie for her again, I'm not going to woo her back. But I'm stuck. What do I do next?


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## OldWolf57 (Mar 20, 2012)

you D her dude, anger and no counseling are a very bad sign. And why do she even have a choice. This woman got preg from another man. You will remember that for the rest of your married lives, and if you don't get help it will be like a cancer in your soul.


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## OldWolf57 (Mar 20, 2012)

and how long have you been over there ?? If the affair was for 2 yrs, did it start before you went.


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## Vic G (Apr 14, 2012)

Nah. I'm here for 6 months. Affair started before


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## OldWolf57 (Mar 20, 2012)

And Vic, expose the OM, pay no attention to those who say, ur problem is with your wife only, He was with a married woman. We are all accountable for our actions, so hold him accountable for his.


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## snap (Oct 3, 2011)

(Where's lordmayhem with his R table when you need him)

Vic, she is not apologetic, she is not into reconciliation. Right now you are blackmailing her back into marriage. That's the only reason she claims to be back, it's not going to work for long.

R is only possible if both sides genuinely want it. It doesn't seems she wants it all that much. Talking to strangers is not an Asian norm? Gimme a break.. getting pregnant from strangers isn't a norm either, yet she had little problem with that.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Exposé the OM to remove him as an option for her. He will hate her and throw her under a bus to save himself.

Now why aren't you divorcing her?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## zim (Apr 19, 2012)

That's really terrible. From the parts of the story I am hearing she sounds like a messed up person. I can't believe you stuck around like that though and that you still wanted her back, kind of even seems like you almost begged. That's really beautiful but it's horrible what she's doing to you. I am really sorry for what you are going through. You do need to leave her I think... she doesn't seem to have an ounce of care for you in her heart. Make sure you let her family and his family know! He is stupid, if she cheated on you she will cheat on him.


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## Vic G (Apr 14, 2012)

Well, the truth is, I still love her, I'm hurt, but I still love her. Just talked to her again, she sounded remorseful and was willing to R. She is messed up, and that is partly my fault as well. So, with all the boundaries set up, and my decision made clear, I'd give her just a little time to think. She's still going through the emotions bout the abortion. So am I. I'm actually depressed bout the abortion we went through. 

Anyway, will exposing the OM push her nearer to him and hate me instead?


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Vic G said:


> Ooh, she did try to take it underground, but wasn't wise enough to hide it too well. I figured it out and printed every email and chat they had.
> 
> That's when I threatened legal action to destroy them both.
> 
> Will keep a even closer eye now. But what the heck? If it goes on, why even R right? Just destroy them both.


That's the Spirit!!!


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Vic G said:


> Will the anger and hate subside? She's pretty pissed off I guess. But I'm standing my ground.
> 
> What should I do next to R? She says she's not ready for counseling. Well, mayb talking to a stranger isn't really our Asian norm. Doesn't feel too comforting for me as well. Given time, mayb we'll go for it.
> 
> I can't go all softie for her again, I'm not going to woo her back. But I'm stuck. What do I do next?


File for divorce and, if it is allowed in your state, allege adultery. Take her to the mat and make her realize you mean business and you are not going to be trampled on. 

If she repents and shows true remorse, you can always postpone or call off the divorce.


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

Vic G said:


> Anyway, will exposing the OM push her nearer to him and hate me instead?


If the OM is married his wife will read him the riot act. He won't be able to get far enough from your wife fast enough.


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## bryanp (Aug 25, 2011)

Maybe you should ask yourself why would you wish to love a woman who treats you like dog poop. I am sorry my friend but only a masochist would want to be married to a spouse that would engage in such humiliation and disrespect toward you. You need to be in therapy. If you do not respect yourself then who will?


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

If your desire is to reconcile print this off and read/study it with her. Good luck with whatever you decide what to do.

Sorry its a long post but it has helped a lot of people.



Understanding Your Betrayed Spouse - A quick reference manual for unfaithful partners.

The Sea of Stress is Difficult to Understand.

YOU BETRAYED YOUR PARTNER. NOW COMES THE FALLOUT.

They discovered your adultery. You ended the affair and promised you’ll never cheat again. But the stress from their emotional devastation lingers. And you don’t see much change – at least, not as much positive change as you expected. Many times, any visible changes are for the worse. You observe them bouncing back and forth like a ping-pong ball, moment to moment, from one emotion to the next. They’re unpredictable. There’s no discernable pattern. Their nerves are frayed. They can’t sleep. They can’t eat. Their thoughts are obsessive. Intrusive visions and flashbacks assault them without warning. They cry at the drop of a hat. They feel empty, used up, exhausted. The stress consumes their energy and their life until they feel like there’s nothing left. It’s terrible.

It’s an ordeal for you to witness their tortured, depressed and angry states, and what’s worse; you don’t know what to do. You’re not alone. Unfaithful spouses never dream they’ll get busted, so when confronted with their adultery they’re always caught by surprise; first by their partners’ knowledge, then by their intense agony. Indeed, unfaithful partners never think about what they’ll face “after” until after. The fact is: Though they inflict it, adulterers are unprepared for the onslaught of their spouses’ overwhelming emotional distress. Is this real? Is this permanent?

As you watch them sink lower and lower, wallowing in an emotional abyss, you wonder where the bottom is, when they will hit it, and if they will ever ascend from it and return to “normal.” You ask yourself, “Is this real?” Then you ask, “Will this ever end?”

The simple answers are: Yes, it is real. And, yes, it will end. But recovery takes a long time, often years, and much depends on you. Can you be remorseful, apologetic, loving, patient, empathetic and soothing over an extended period of time? Can you commit to openness and honesty at all times – and forevermore being faithful to your spouse?

Be honest with yourself: If you can’t or don’t want to get over your affair, if you don’t feel shame and remorse, and if you can’t generously provide appropriate support to your spouse, then now is the time to consider ending your marriage and spare your marital partner further pain. (If this is the case, you need not read any further.)

But if you have put the affair permanently behind you, if you feel and can freely express your remorse and shame for your unfaithfulness, and if you can commit to supporting your spouse through their excruciating anguish, then you have an excellent chance of rebuilding from this disaster you’ve wrought to a happy, satisfying, caring and loving marriage. The following is intended to help you help your partner, and in turn yourself, through this horrible time and jumpstart your journey to recovery.

So, take a couple of deep breaths… and let’s start with three foundational facts:

What you’re seeing in your spouse is a normal reaction to a life-changing event.

Your spouse needs to grieve for as long as it takes in order to recover and heal.

You can be a positive influence on their recovery.

Now, go back and reread them several times. Let them really sink in. When you can repeat them without looking, continue.

Your first mission is to learn.

Learning about your partner’s myriad reactions to your betrayal allows you to recognize, understand and properly respond to them as they occur. Doing so will help you get through
this horrible initial stage, which can last a long time.
Below you’ll find a little of what your spouse is probably experiencing. They may shift from one reaction to another, or they could experience multiple reactions concurrently. And don’t be surprised if they return to previous states many times. Where applicable, we’ve added some tips to help you to assist your partner through this. In some cases, however, there may be little for you to do except to simply “be there.”

Most importantly, remember at all times: Your infidelity has traumatized your spouse. Act accordingly.

SECTION 1 - THE WILD PATCHWORK OF EMOTIONS

DISBELIEF: They expect to wake up any minute from this nightmare. It can’t be true. They don’t believe it. This is natural. They trusted you and don’t want to believe you did what you did. It is common for this to occur in the very first moments of discovery. (Note: If some time elapsed between the discovery of your affair and the confrontation, you may have missed this when it happened, but it is also possible for your spouse to return to disbelief.)

SHOCK: They are numb and often seem dazed. Their emotions are frozen. Their senses are dulled. They go through the motions mechanically, robotically, but can’t seem to apply sufficient concentration to their day-to-day lives.

REALITY: “Oh my God. It really happened.” They feel they’re getting worse. Actually, reality has just set in. It’s as if a ton of bricks just fell on them and they’re buried beneath them. They don’t know where to turn, or can’t. Don’t discount the likelihood that they feel shamed by your infidelity. So, they may be reluctant to seek support from friends and family. Be available to them for emotional support and encourage them to talk freely with anyone they choose. Suggest therapy as a means to help them through their trauma, but never accuse them of “being irrational” or “acting crazy.” Be supportive and encouraging. Commend them for seeking help.

CONFUSION: They’re disoriented. They can’t think straight. They become impatient, disorganized and forgetful. More frequently than usual they go to a room to retrieve something, but once they get there they can’t remember what it was. This is very upsetting to them. Bear with them. Be gentle and be helpful. Help them find their misplaced purse or locate their lost keys. Know that they will eventually come out of the fog. Also be aware that their confusion, as with other states listed here, may be set off or magnified by certain “triggers.” (Note: Read more about “triggers” below.)

PHYSICAL SYMPTOMS: They may sleep or eat too little – or too much. They may suffer physical aches and pains, numbness or weakness. They may feel unusually tense and develop headaches, abnormal tics, twitching or shaking. They may feel sick to their stomach and vomit, or their digestive system may react with constipation or diarrhea. Weight loss is common. Usually the symptoms fade gradually. If these symptoms persist, make sure they check with a doctor to rule out other causes. Encourage them to eat well and to exercise – but don’t nag. You might instead take control of their diet by preparing healthy, well balanced meals. If you don’t cook, take them to restaurants where you know they serve nourishing food and, if necessary, order for them. If they’re not exercising, initiate taking long walks together. It’s a good way to ease them into a healthy exercise regimen, which is always a good stress reliever, and will provide opportunity for you to begin constructively re-establishing your “couplehood.”

CRYING: Deep emotions suddenly well up, seeking release as crying, uncontrollable sobbing and even screaming out loud. Allow them their time for tears. They can help. So can you. When they cry, give them your shoulder. Hug them. Help them through it by gently encouraging them, to “get it all out.” Be certain to verbalize your remorse for causing their pain. They need to hear this from you. (Note: Right now, genuine, complete and repeated apologies are the best “general use” tool you have in your repair kit. That is why you’ll see many more references below. Read “Apologize” in Section 2.)

SELF-CONTROL: They control their emotions to fulfill their responsibilities, or to simply rest from the pain. Self-control can shape and give rhythm to their grieving, but be on the lookout for constant and rigid self-control. It can block healing. They need to reduce their emotional pressure to regain equilibrium. Allow them to vent when it happens. Be aware: Too much self-control means they are storing up much anger and will release it powerfully, like floodwaters breaking through a dam. So don’t be alarmed if they suddenly lash out at you, your affair partner, or even themselves. Understand that the release of anger is necessary to heal. Though it may not feel this way to you when it happens, it’s beneficial.

NEED TO KNOW: They will ask lots of questions. Their curiosity may be insatiable or it may be limited. Different people have different needs and tolerances for information, but they need information to process their trauma, move through it, and move past it.

Let them set the agenda. Whenever they ask a question, whatever they ask, answer honestly and sufficiently. Refusing to answer gives the appearance that you’re still keeping them in the dark, that you still have something to hide. Do not hold anything back. If they discover later that you omitted or hid details, or if the facts they discover don’t match the story you tell, they’ll feel betrayed once again. Follow the delivery of each new piece of hurtful information with an apology, and soothe them with another promise that you’ll never again be unfaithful.

WHY: They ask, “Why did you do this?” They may or may not expect an answer, but they ask repeatedly. If they do want an answer, provide it – and answer honestly. Even if the question is rhetorical, be aware that the question itself, rhetorical or not, is a cry of pain. And each time they feel pain, it should be answered with another apology. (I can’t stress enough how important this is.) Be aware: Even if they are not verbalizing this to you, they are still silently asking the question “Why?” over and over and over again.

INJUSTICE: They feel it’s all so unfair. You invited danger, you took the risk, but they suffered injury. They want justice and begin to think like a vigilante. They may harbour a secret desire to do harm to you or your affair partner. They may want to get even by having a “revenge affair.”
Understand that the aftermath of your unfaithfulness is an agony you have thrust upon them. Meanwhile, despite your betrayal and deceit, and the shame you feel, you and your affair partner may retain fond or even loving memories of your affair. One of my patients described her feelings of injustice this way: “I feel like a rape victim watching helplessly as the jury returns a ‘not guilty’ verdict. Then, the assailant looks at me, points his finger at me and laughs all the way out of the courtroom. How can this possibly happen?”

A sad truth of infidelity is: It is unfair. Of course, there is no “justice” that can come from this. Betrayed spouses generally settle into this realization on their own, but they need to know that you understand how this plagues them. (Note: Read “Share your feelings of guilt and shame” in Section 2. It explains the best way to help them through their sense of injustice.)

INADEQUACY: Their self esteem is shattered. They feel belittled, insignificant, and often even unlovable. Just as you would crumple a piece of scrap paper and toss it in the garbage without a second thought, they feel you crushed them, discarded them, and didn’t give them a second thought, either. So, they question their own value. They wonder if you truly love them – or if anyone could. They need to know why you now choose them over your affair partner, even if they don’t ask. Make your case convincingly. Be generous, but be genuine. They’ll know if you aren’t, and false flattery for the purpose of mere appeasement will only hurt them more.

REPEATING: Over and over again, they review the story, thinking the same thoughts. Do not attempt to stop them. Repeating helps them to absorb and process the painful reality. You can help them get through it by answering all their questions truthfully and filling in all the gaps for them. The more they know – the more they can repeat the complete story – the faster they process it, accept it and begin to heal. If the story remains incomplete or significant gaps are filled in later, they may have to start the process all over again.

IDEALIZING: Sometimes they remember only good memories, as if their time with you was perfect. They long to live in the past, before the affair came along and “messed it up.” Assure them that you, too, remember the good times, and want things to be good again. Remind them that you want an even better future, that you are willing to work at it, and, most importantly, that you want your future with them – and not your affair partner.

FRUSTRATION: Their past fulfillments are gone. They haven’t found new ones yet and don’t seem interested in finding any. They feel they’re not coping with grief “right” or they feel they should be healing faster. They don’t understand why the pain returns again and again. They wonder if they will ever recover and feel better. You can help them by verbalizing what they need to hear even if you don’t or can’t fully understand it yourself. Be empathetic and assure them that under the circumstances they’re doing okay. Remember that despite how much you have hurt them, you are still the one they chose as their life partner, for better or for worse. You may still be their closest confidante. As incongruous as it may seem, don’t be surprised if they choose to confide in you over others.

BITTERNESS: Feelings of resentment and hatred toward you and your paramour are to be expected. Don’t be surprised if they redirect much of the anger that’s really meant for you toward your paramour. This is natural. It’s actually a way of protecting their love for you during the early stages. By restricting their anger toward you, they allow it to be time-released, and only in smaller, more manageable amounts. Expect their anger to surface periodically, and give them plenty of time to work through it so they can eventually let go of it. Understand that until they’ve worked through and exhausted their anger, they cannot heal.

WAITING: The initial struggle is waning, but their zest for life has not returned. They are in limbo, they are exhausted and uncertain. Indeed, life seems flat and uninteresting. They are unenthused about socializing, perhaps reluctant, and they are unable to plan activities for themselves. Help them by finding ways to stimulate them. Plan activities for them around things that hold their interest and bring joy back into their life.

EMOTIONS IN CONFLICT: This is one of the most difficult manifestations because there is so much going on at the same time and their feelings do not always synchronize with reality. The most succinct description was provided by the late Shirley Glass, PhD: “One of the ironies of healing from infidelity is that the perpetrator must become the healer. This means that betrayed partners are vulnerable because the person they are most likely to turn to in times of trouble is precisely the source of their danger.” The inherent conflict for a betrayed spouse is obvious, but Dr. Glass also recognized how difficult this balancing act can be for a repentant adulterer: “On the other hand, [unfaithful] partners sometimes find it hard to stay engaged with their spouses when they know they are the source of such intense pain.” The key, of course, is to stay engaged nonetheless. Be supportive and remorseful, and above all… keep talking.

TRIGGERS: Particular dates, places, items and activities can bring back their pain as intensely as ever. It feels like they’re caught in a loop as they relive the trauma. It is emotionally debilitating.

Triggers can cause days and nights of depression, renew anger, and can spark and reignite nightmares, which may make them fear sleeping. Triggers can cause them to question if they will ever again experience life without the anguish. Get rid of all the reminders immediately: Gifts, letters, pictures, cards, emails, clothing… whatever your spouse associates with your affair. Do this with your spouse so they are not left wondering when those triggers may recur. Never cling to anything that bothers your partner. It leaves the impression that your keepsakes and mementos, or any reminders of your affair, are more important to you than they are.

Attend to your partner. Learn what dates, songs, places, etc., are triggers for your partner. Pay attention to your environment: If you hear or see something that you think might be a trigger, assume it is. Each occasion a trigger arises is an appropriate moment for you to communicate a clear and heartfelt message that you’re sorry you acted so selfishly and caused this recurring pain. So again, apologize and let them know how much you love them. The occurrence of a trigger is also a good opportunity to express that you choose them and not your affair partner, which is important for them to hear. If a trigger occurs in public, you can still wrap your arm around your spouse’s waist or shoulder, or simply squeeze their hand, but verbalize your apology as soon as you are alone again.

It is very important for you to understand and remember this… Triggers can remain active for their entire life. Don’t ever think or insist that enough time has passed that they should be “over it” because another sad truth of infidelity is: Your affair will remain a permanent memory for them, subject to involuntary recall at any time – even decades later. They will NEVER be “over it.” They simply learn to deal with it better as they heal, as you earn back their trust, and as you rebuild your relationship – over time.

SECTION 2 - WHAT ELSE CAN YOU DO TO EASE THEIR PAIN & RELIEVE THEIR STRESS?

Make certain you’ve killed the beast: Your affair must be over, in all respects, completely and forever. You cannot put your marriage in jeopardy ever again. Your spouse has given you a second chance that you probably don’t deserve. That may sound harsh, but think about it this way: Despite any marital problems the two of you experienced, you would certainly understand if they divorced you solely because of your adultery. So assume there will not be a third chance and behave accordingly.

This opportunity you have been bestowed is a monumental gift, particularly considering the anguish you caused them. Treat this gift, and your spouse, with care and due respect: No contact means NO CONTACT OF ANY KIND – EVER.

GET INTO THERAPY: Most attempts to heal and rebuild after infidelity will fail without the assistance of a qualified therapist. Make certain you both feel comfortable with the therapist. You must trust them and have faith in their methodology. Talk about it: If of you are uncomfortable with your therapist at any time, don’t delay – find another. And if need be, yet another. Then stick with it. Save particularly volatile topics for counselling sessions. Your therapist will provide a neutral place and safe means to discuss these subjects constructively. Every so often, think back to where you were two or three months earlier. Compare that to where you are now and determine if you’re making progress. Progress will be made slowly, not daily or even weekly, so do not perform daily or weekly evaluations. Make the comparative periods long enough to allow a “moderate-term” review rather than “short-term.” Expect setbacks or even restarts, and again… stick with it.

APOLOGIZE: Actually, that should read: “Apologize, apologize, apologize.” You cannot apologize too often, but you can apologize improperly. Apologize genuinely and fully. Betrayed spouses develop a finely calibrated “insincerity radar.” A partial or disingenuous apology will feel meaningless, condescending or even insulting, particularly during the months following discovery. Your spouse will feel better if you don’t merely say, “I’m sorry.” To a betrayed spouse that sounds and feels empty. Try to continue and complete the apology by saying everything that’s now salient to your partner: “I’m ashamed I cheated on you and I’m so very sorry. I know that my lying and deceiving you has hurt you enormously. I deeply want to earn back your trust – and I want so much for you to be able, some day, to forgive me.” As noted earlier, right now genuine, complete and repeated apologies are the best “general use” tool you have in your repair kit.

REALIZE YOUR PARTNER WANTS TO FEEL BETTER: There is so much they have to deal with – pain, anger, disappointment, confusion and despair. Their being, their world, is swirling in a black hole of negative feelings. It’s agonizing. They wish it would stop, but they feel powerless to make it go away, which worries them even more. Remember that they can’t help it: Just as they didn’t choose for this to happen, they don’t choose to feel this way. Beyond all the possible feelings described in the section above (and that list may be incomplete in your spouse’s case), even if they don’t understand them, they do recognize that changes are occurring in themselves – and they are frightened by them. As terrible as it is for you to see their ongoing nightmare, it is far worse to live in it. Periodically assure them that you know they will get better, that you are willing to do everything necessary for them to heal and to make your marriage work. Reassure them that you are with them for the duration – no matter how long it takes – and that you intend to spend the rest of your life with them.

HIDE NOTHING, OPEN EVERYTHING: While they’re greatly angered and hurt that you were emotionally and/or sexually involved with another person, they are even more devastated by your secret life, your lies and deception. They feel no trust in you right now – and they’re 100% justified. If ever there was someone in the world they felt they could trust, it was you – until now. Now, they have difficulty believing anything you say. They are driven to check up on everything. Let them. Better still, help them. Overload them with access. The era of “covering your tracks” must end and be supplanted by total and voluntary transparency.

You must dismantle and remove every vestige of secrecy. Offer your spouse the passwords to your email accounts – yes, even the secret one they still don’t know about. Let them bring in the mail. If you receive a letter, card or email from your paramour, let your spouse open it. If you receive a voice or text message on your cell phone, let them retrieve it and delete it. If your friends provided alibis for you, end those friendships. Do not change your phone bill to a less detailed version or delete your browser history. Provide your spouse with your credit card bills, bank account statements, cell phone bills and anything else you think they might wish to check. Immediately tell them if you hear from or accidentally run into your affair partner. Tell them where you are going, when you’ll be home, and be on time. If your plans change, notify them immediately.

The more willing you are to be transparent, the more honesty and openness they see and feel, the more “trust chits” you’ll earn. Replacing your previously secret life with complete openness is the fastest and most effective way to promote trust, even if it feels unfair or uncomfortable. Think of this as the “reverse image” of your affair: Your affair was about you selfishly making yourself feel good. Now, rebuilding trust is about selflessly making your partner feel safe with you – and you were certainly unfair to them. Keep in mind that eventually they will trust you again, but you must earn it and it will take time.

SPEND LOTS TIME WITH THEM: Assume that they want your company at all times. The more time you spend in their sight, the more they will feel a sense of safety, if only for that time. There may be times when you feel they’re a constant, perhaps even an annoying presence. Just remember that they need to be around you – more than ever. If they need time alone, they’ll let you know and you must respect that, too. Knowing where you are and who you are with reduces worry, but expect them to check up on you. Don’t take offence when this happens. Instead, welcome the opportunity: Think of each time – and each success – as receiving a check mark in the “Passed the Test” column. The more check marks you earn, the closer you are to being trusted again.

PHYSICAL CONTACT: They may or may not want to be sexual with you. If not, allow sufficient time for them to get comfortable with the idea of renewed intimacy and let them set the pace. But if so, don’t be discouraged if the sex is not optimum. They’re likely to be low on confidence and may feel self-conscious or inept. They may even act clumsily. This can be offset by lots of simple, soothing physical gestures such as hugging them, stroking them softly and providing kisses. You might try surprising them sexually. Try something new. Choose moments when they don’t expect it – it can feel fresh again. On the other hand, don’t be surprised if their sexual appetite and arousal is unusually heightened as some partners experience what’s called ‘Hysterical Bonding.’ Also be aware that during lovemaking they may suffer intrusive thoughts or mental images of you and your affair partner, so they may suddenly shut down or even burst into tears. Again, apologize for making them feel this way. Express that you choose them – and not your affair partner. Reassure them by emphasizing that they are the only one you truly want.

SHARE YOUR FEELINGS OF GUILT AND SHAME: If you exhibit no shame or guilt for hurting them, they’ll wonder if you’re truly capable of being sensitive, caring or even feeling. They may see you as callous and self-absorbed, and question if it’s really worth another try with you. But if you’re like most people who have badly hurt someone you truly love, then you certainly feel shame and guilt, though verbalizing it may be hard for you. Of course, some people do find it difficult to express these feelings, but try. You’ll find it provides a great sense of relief to share this with your partner. Moreover, do not fail to realize is how vitally important it is for your partner to hear it, to feel it, to see it in your eyes. It’s a building block in the reconstruction of trust and the repair of your marriage. Do not underestimate the power of satisfying their need to know that you are disappointed in yourself. Your opening up about this will help them feel secure again, help them to heal, and help you heal, too.

LET THEM KNOW YOU ARE HAPPY WITH YOUR CHOICE TO RECOMMIT: You probably think this is obvious, but to your betrayed partner, precious little is obvious anymore. They will wonder about this. Do not make them guess, and do not make them ask. Just tell them. If it doesn’t seem to come naturally at first, it may help if every now and then, you ask yourself, “If they had betrayed me this way, would I still be here?” (Most of us would answer, “No,” even if we can’t imagine being in that position.) When people give second chances to others, they really want to know that it’s meaningful to, and appreciated by, the recipient. So, express your thanks. Tell them how grateful you are for the opportunity to repair the damage you’ve done and rebuild your marriage. You’ll be surprised how much this simple, heartfelt act of gratitude will mean to them, and how it helps to re-establish the bond between you.

HERE’S A GREAT TIP: You will find it’s particularly meaningful to them when they’re obviously feeling low, but they’re locked in silence and aren’t expressing it to you. Just imagine… In their moments of unspoken loneliness or despair, you walk up to them, hug them and say, “I just want you to know how grateful I am that you’re giving me a second chance. Thank you so much. I love you more than ever for this. I’ve been feeling so ashamed of what I did and how much pain I caused you. I want you to know that I’ll never do anything to hurt you like this – ever again. I know I broke your heart and it torments me. I want you to know your heart is safe with me again.”

These are beautifully comforting words, particularly when they’re delivered at such a perfect
moment. You can memorize the quote, modify it, or use your own words, whatever is most
comfortable for you. The key is to include, in no particular order, all six of these components:

A statement of gratitude.

An expression of your love.

An acknowledgment of your spouse’s pain.

An admission that you caused their pain.

An expression of your sense of shame.

A promise that it will never happen again

Unfaithful spouses I’ve counselled often report that this most welcome surprise is the best thing they did to lift their partner’s spirits – as well as their own.

SECTION 3 - SO WHAT ARE THE NEXT STAGES, AFTER THEY WORK THROUGH ALL THEIR GRIEF, PAIN AND STRESS?

HOPE: They believe they will get better. They still have good days and bad days, but the good days out balance the bad. Sometimes they can work effectively, enjoy activities and really care
for others.

COMMITMENT: They know they have a choice. Life won’t be the same, but they decide to actively begin building a new life.

SEEKING: They take initiative, renewing their involvement with former friends and activities. They
begin exploring new involvements.

PEACE: They feel able to accept the affair and its repercussions, and face their own future.

LIFE OPENS UP: Life has value and meaning again. They can enjoy, appreciate, and anticipate events. They are willing to let the rest of their life be all it can be. They can more easily seek and find joy.

FORGIVENESS: While the memory will never leave them, the burden they’ve been carrying from your betrayal is lifted. Given what you have done, the pain it caused them and the anguish they lived through, this is the ultimate gift they can bestow. They give it not only to you, but to themselves. Be grateful for this gift – and cherish it always.

Rejoice in your renewed commitment to spend your lives together in happiness. Celebrate it together regularly!


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## Vic G (Apr 14, 2012)

Machiavelli said:


> If the OM is married his wife will read him the riot act. He won't be able to get far enough from your wife fast enough.


OM is single, will exposing do any good? Been wanting to press that FB button. Just wondering if anyone has any experience exposing an unmarried man... I want a real, horrible fallout for him...


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## OldWolf57 (Mar 20, 2012)

I can understand wanting to crush him, but I'm still having trouble with your timeline. How long have you been married ?? She felt abandon, after 6 months, but the affair had been going on for 1.5yrs. before you left. What is she saying about that ? Do you see something wrong in this picture ?? This woman was sexing another man days before your wedding, an you want to R with her. Well good luck Bro, and I truly wish you all the best


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## Vic G (Apr 14, 2012)

This is my timeline.
We've been married 3 years.
I got a job in another state just 2 hours away 6 months after we married. I drove back and forth to her every 2-3 days.
Then we both moved to the state I was working in a year later. (married 1.5 years now).
We spent time together un-seperated for a year.
Then 6 months ago, I came overseas.
So basically, she started her affair when I had to go over to another STATE.


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## Vic G (Apr 14, 2012)

I'm messed up as well. Life was hard, I was just trying to give her a better life by working a little harder for the first few years or so, so that she can sit back and relax for the rest of her life. I talked to her bout that, she agreed. But she betrayed me...


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## Vic G (Apr 14, 2012)

We were together 6 years before we married. I was never with anybody before her. I was also her first man, but not her last...

So what do you guys think? Hop onto FB and expose the guy? Any repercussions?


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## OldWolf57 (Mar 20, 2012)

Yo Vic, life was hard ok. but she wanted the good life your sacrifice was going to provide. Now as for Xposing, Of course you FB the POS, HIT THE BUTTON !!!! But I must warn you, if she is not willing to go to counseling, then she is not remorseful, she is pulling your heartstrings and paying you in the tears YOU WANT TO SEE, but NOT REALLY DOING ANYTHING TO HELP YOU HEAL. In the time before her affair began, did she at any time tell you she was missing you. bet not, she went and got her a FK BDY so you would not get sidetracked from building that great future for her.


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## Vic G (Apr 14, 2012)

She did say that she missed me, but that was all a lie even until Dday. I know that now, I just didn't want to believe it, but I believe that she is a liar and a cheater and nothing can change that unless, she wants to change it herself.

Pray hard for me guys. I must see myself through, for my own sake, somehow...


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## OldWolf57 (Mar 20, 2012)

Yes, for your own sake. As for the Prayers, you can count on those.


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## Tap1214 (Aug 14, 2011)

Vic, it's very clear from reading your thread, your wife doesn't LOVE you or respect you. I'm sorry ...I know it hurts as it appears you are still in love with her. But reality is, she's not remorseful and doesn't seem interested in R. I don't care how much you love her and wants R, if she doesn't want it, it's NOT going to work period!
Honestly, divorce is your best course of action. She's only hanging on to you for financial reasons ...wake up!!
Have you told your parents / families?


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## Vic G (Apr 14, 2012)

Yes, they've been told. She has a good job and doesn't really need the finances. My hope is that she is still hanging on because somewhere in her heart, she still cares. 

The OM has broken off with her. I found out while snooping at her email, and rubbed some of that at her face. He was like: "I really love you, but I can't see that I can do anything... blah blah blah....I hope that by backing out, you can save your marriage... I will remember you till the end of my life..." Sickening~!!!! I just text him again this morning to warn him of the consequences of ever contacting her again...


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## ShootMePlz! (Oct 5, 2008)

So if she does come back to the marriage how will things change as far as being away??? No change equal no change!!


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## OldWolf57 (Mar 20, 2012)

If she is not remorseful, there will be no change, and your future is not going to fair well. She will resent you for making him drop her. Are you really ready to spend the rest of your life waiting for her to leave you ?? Maybe after you have kids and home. NO REMORSE, NO R. She was scr#wing him years before you went over Dude. You're will be getting every child tested just to be sure they are yours !!!!!! Is that the way you want to live. Fog, yes, REMORSE ?? NOOOO


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## Augusto (Aug 14, 2013)

this tread makes me want to ralph.


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## syhoybenden (Feb 21, 2013)

Michiel06 said:


> I never believed in love spells or magic until I saw a testimony about one woman called Marisa Saenz from Netherlands on the internet testifying about how a spell caster called Doctor Azul brought back her ex husband who left her for another woman, and i decided to contact the man to give him a try. So when i contacted him he told me that he is going to bring my Wife back to me that i should give him 12 to 16 hours to do the casting of my spell which i did. I am out here to testify that what Doctor Azul did for me really worked out good for me because I am really happy now with my wife because after i contacted Doctor Azul he promise to bring back my wife to me which he did. So i really don't have much to say about this man but all i have to say is that Doctor Azul is really a powerful man and could help cast spells to bring back your loved one's. I'm now happy and a living testimony because i am now leaving happily with my family. So if you need any of his help you can contact him via email: <[email protected]>. I know he can also help you because i do not have any doubt for his work. GOOD LUCK.
> 
> Name: Michiel Walsem
> Residence: United Kingdom (London)



:scratchhead::lol::rofl:

Frack you.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

two year old thread


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