# EA to PA - should i find the OM's wife?



## tellitlikeitis (Apr 10, 2013)

1st post, great forum - I read alot a few months ago about EA and i thought I cleared it up with my wife but i now have new evidence... its 5am and i havent slept all night so hopefully i make sense... 

So back to jan 2013, found some texts on my wifes phone, it was banter. I checked the phone bill and there werent many and they have been friends for 15 years so i let it go. Nothing for weeks, then found a load more, early morning, late at night a few darlings in there then none for weeks. I started using "android lost" to check. I confronted her, she was really upset and she said sorry it wouldnt happen again. 2 days later she was out with friends drunk and she carried on! I went mad, now she cottoned on i was using a "app" and started deleting them. She felt betrayed that i breached her privacy!! This was Mid March. She now said it wouldnt continue and wrote me a letter promising

We are 11years/4years married, 41/43, 2 kids 8/6, my wife is a manager for the same company as the OM - he is married, 50ish, 2 older kids CEO of a £5b+ uk ftse250 company she works for. He works in london, she works 100+miles away and never goes that way with work so their paths never cross and i believe that. Annually they meet at conferences but she is always quite open about it

Wind on to the last few weeks and she has been v secretive with her phone. I set android lost to record 1hr of her conversation with her friend and bam... Basically her friend said "when you seeing him again?" "next week, meeting at a lovely hotel where we met before" I am shaking so i went home from work and confronted her

All she would say was "nothing happened it was dinner", it was mid May. She told me the date and she came home about 11pm. Originally she told me she was out with work friends (who i dont know). I played the whole hour, alot was crackly, but W/OM were sending pics to each other of his garden, her/her friend etc. Her friend kept saying i am worried about you and she didnt "want her crying on here sofa". The friend (who also knows OM) told me 3 months ago she was 100% sure nothing was going on and it was just bather and she would tell her to stop (hence my security)

This years has been terrible in our relationship, getting worse and worse. My wife is spending more nights in the spare room after arguments that are over smaller things, we do have some sex but she said on the tape its just to "appease me". She also said on tape she didnt want to go to counciling as i suggested a few weeks ago

I called the OM - he denied everything, meeting her, texting her. Said nothing has happened and didnt realise it has caused such anguish. He offered to meet me (??!?), said his wife knew about the text but i couldnt talk to her. 

I took here phone off her - she wouldnt give me the pin but i hacked into it. No kik messages so no smoking gun. I did find a image of her with her legs wide open taken today but she has threadworm (google says its not a std) she says she was using it as a mirror!!!!!!! :rofl:

So where do i go from here? I want to put on her facebook that she is a s**g and what she has been doing. She how all the catholic school mums point at her. I also want to mention him so it goes around their company. I also want to contact the OM's wife to let her make her own mind up listening to the tape. Why should my family suffer? He should suffer too. Is that normal? Where are the boundaries in outing this relationship? 

I realise if i go in facebook its a dead end for our marriage and i may open myself up to liable re the CEO??! Any advice appreciated


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Simply yes you should you sound very well centered go for it.


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## tellitlikeitis (Apr 10, 2013)

tom67 said:


> Simply yes you should you sound very well centered go for it.


which bit or bits Tom?!! Wife? FB? Sorry its long but i needed to get the facts down for my sanity


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

No problem look at it this way, if this was the other way around wouldn't you like to be informed? Plus it shines the affair to the light of day and MAYBE she wakes up from all this.


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## CEL (May 7, 2013)

Some questions.

1. Have you played the tape for her?

2. Have you confronted the friend?

3. What does she say? Any remorse or just more lies?

4. How do you feel about divorce? 

5. What do you want reconcile or divorce? 

Before you do anything I would answer these questions.


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## Will_Kane (Feb 26, 2012)

You just have the tip of the iceberg.

Your wife would tell the truth to her friend, so I would presume that anything you heard on that recording was accurate. The only lies she might tell the friend would be to make herself look better to the friend. But the stuff between her and the other man and how she feels about you probably are the truth.

Where do you stand with your wife at the moment? You have caught her at least two times previously, and she lied to you about it each time. You talk about her working 100 miles from the other man and never going in his direction, yet it does not seem to keep them from hooking up.

Also, from the patterns of calls/texts you've seen, it's obvious that she is hiding them from you, deleting them, using a burner phone, communicating mostly at work, using her friend's phone to do it, or some combination.

Assuming that you want to reconcile, you've got to take a hard line. You've taken her phone. That works for one day. Tomorrow she could go buy a cheap burner phone. There's really no way to stop her from communicating with the guy, or even hooking up, unless you're with her all the time.

Understand that if you want to reconcile, you've got to convince your wife to return to the marriage and work on it. Given her behavior, continuing the affair after being twice caught, you can assume that one or more of the following is true: she is "in love" with the other man and she "loves you but is not 'in love' with you); she doesn't care if you divorce her; she doesn't think that you will divorce her.

Take care of the first scenario first, that she is in love with the other man. Expose the affair to the other man's wife. Talk to her directly, tell her what you know and how you know. Take time off from work and go tell her in person while the other man is at work if you have to. There is a good chance that the other man will throw your wife under the bus and break off the affair.

Next, confront your wife. Tell her you cannot control her, you can only control yourself and what you are willing to accept and not accept in a marriage. Tell her that you love her and want to work on the marriage, make it better than ever, get back your old feelings for each other, but that you refuse to continue on one single day more with her cheating on you, lying to you, being cold to you. If she doesn't agree to work on the marriage 100%, you will file for divorce. Then, if she doesn't, go file for divorce. If you have been a pushover your whole marriage, she may not believe you will divorce her until after you actually file, then she might come back.

If your wife does agree to reconcile, she'll have to meet your conditions, which is basically to allow you to verify that the affair is ended and she is no longer lying to you. She will have to give up passwords and access to devices, allow you to track her location, answer as soon as you call. She will have to cease all contact with the other man forever.

I suggest buying a voice-activated recorder and some heavy-duty Velcro and putting it under the seat of her car so you can see if she has some secret way to communicate, and if she really is not talking to him at all.


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## tellitlikeitis (Apr 10, 2013)

CEL said:


> Some questions.
> 
> 1. Have you played the tape for her?
> yes it took 2hrs of rewinding and finding the detail! She had every excuse in the book, all quite plausable
> ...


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## Will_Kane (Feb 26, 2012)

tellitlikeitis said:


> I called the OM - he denied everything, meeting her, texting her. Said nothing has happened and didnt realise it has caused such anguish. He offered to meet me (??!?), said his wife knew about the text but i couldnt talk to her.


Other man's wife doesn't know anything. Now that you warned him, he will tell her to watch out, some crazy jealous husband of one of my subordinates thinks I'm in some deep love affair and may try to call, none of it is true, the guy is just crazy.

Don't talk to other man again.

Other man wants to meet you because he thinks he is so much smarter than you, that he can convince you nothing has happened.

If he's CEO of a top 250 company, he's got a lot to lose, both to his wife if he gets a divorce and with his job if he gets caught sexing a subordinate.

Go seek legal advice on what kind of actions you can take against him for damages to your marriage, and how you can report him to his board of directors for carrying on with your wife.


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## tellitlikeitis (Apr 10, 2013)

Will_Kane said:


> You just have the tip of the iceberg.
> 
> Your wife would tell the truth to her friend, so I would presume that anything you heard on that recording was accurate. The only lies she might tell the friend would be to make herself look better to the friend. But the stuff between her and the other man and how she feels about you probably are the truth.


Thanks Will some harsh but true words - i like the "in love/love" analogy too 

Boring stuff 1st - she came in and was v angry and i said this isnt never going to work. She agreed and calmed down/softened like a child in seconds. We had a small smile peck on the cheek and she went off

juicy now - i kik messaged him from her phone and said "my H still wants to talk to your W" He replied words along the lines "i think this is too much" then he started to say your wierd tonight so i claimed to be drunk! 

really juicy!! - i created a kik account virtually identical in name/id to his, uploaded the photo added it to her account and blocked his!!!! I sent a msg saying "morning, checking your ok?" She read it, had a showed and went off to work. Fingers crossed i get some real evidence of her plans in the next few hours!!!! The big Guy owes me a favour! :lol: :smthumbup:


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## tellitlikeitis (Apr 10, 2013)

Will_Kane said:


> If he's CEO of a top 250 company, he's got a lot to lose, both to his wife if he gets a divorce and with his job if he gets caught sexing a subordinate.
> 
> Go seek legal advice on what kind of actions you can take against him for damages to your marriage, and how you can report him to his board of directors for carrying on with your wife.


Good plan - i think the evidence of my recording will be inadmissible though


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## Will_Kane (Feb 26, 2012)

Originally Posted by CEL View Post 
Some questions.

1. Have you played the tape for her?
yes it took 2hrs of rewinding and finding the detail! She had every excuse in the book, *all quite plausable*

Hiding the phone and being secretive is the biggest red flag; combine that with all of the other behavior, and there is no plausible answer. Your willingness to believe such a half-assed story is probably the reason why your wife feels so comfortable lying to you about ending it, she knows next time she gets caught she can easily fool you with an obvious lie.

2. Have you confronted the friend?
Called her - she said its between us and she didnt want to get involved - she said that last time

3. What does she say? Any remorse or just more lies?
*I actually think she is telling the truth - or am i being a fool?*

You are being a fool.

4. How do you feel about divorce? 
heart says bad, head says FB - the works!

5. What do you want reconcile or divorce? 
reconcile i think, i have 2 young children, fantastic boys, and a w i love, who is beautiful and was making me happy. Just time and family life puts huge stress on life

Everyone who posts here wants to reconcile, if you wanted to divorce you wouldn't need any advice from here. However, the only thing that will convince your wife to work on the marriage is if you file for divorce. Only then will she see that she might actually lose you and change her behavior and stop cheating; until then, she is happy to continue as is, with her having the best of both worlds (in her mind), you at home for a respectable, stable family life, and other man for sex and romance.

Blow up the affair to other man's wife and show your wife that you will not be there for her if she continues to cheat.

Before you do anything I would answer these questions.


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## Will_Kane (Feb 26, 2012)

tellitlikeitis said:


> Good plan - i think the evidence of my recording will be inadmissible though


It doesn't have to be admissible. Just enough so that his directors know the truth. No matter what kind of story he tells, they will not think it is "plausible." They will see it for what it is. Only the ones closest to the lying cheaters believe their nonsensical excuses and lies. 

If someone else told you the story you just told her, I guarantee you that you wouldn't tell them it was plausible. The betrayed spouses here get blinded by their love and by their past image of their wife as a loyal partner who would never cheat on them. Every single one of us felt that way. The sooner you can see her for who she is now, the sooner you can do what you need to, either to reconcile or end the marriage.


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## Remains (Jan 24, 2012)

Don't let her find your evidence and destroy it! Hide it and guard it well. Make several copies.


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## Rugs (Apr 12, 2013)

After at least 10 years of infidelity (that i know of), I found old emails of my husband. He was screwing, chatting, texting, and emailing hundreds of women. One of the emails was from a man telling my husband to, "leave my wife the fvck alone!". I wish that husband would have contacted me and saved me at least a few years of grief.

I say yes.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

It's pretty damming what you've already found, especially the appeasement and the note about seeing him again at the same hotel. Who makes note of there restaurant they meet someone again at like that? No one does - instead you make a note of where you are meeting up out of the way to have sex.

The one mistake you made here was confronting too soon. You should have tried to catch them together at the hotel.

The OM will be on the watch for you, so you'll need to lay low for a bit and feed misinformation to your wife.

As for your wife, I'd be demanding a polygraph from her. Perhaps threaten to go to HR if she doesn't take one and prove they didn't have sex.


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## Terry_CO (Oct 23, 2012)

> should i find the OM's wife?


No. This would only help if:

1. Getting a call from the other wife will shock her into being a good spouse again. Not friggin' likely. Once a cheater ..... 

2. The other wife didn't have a clue what was going on. She probably does already. Women are smarter than we are when it comes to reading clues and subtle attitude shifts.


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## workindad (May 7, 2011)

You absolutely contact your wife's lovers wife 

His wife has not been told anything 

Unfortunately you tipped your hand to him so be will likely try to play defense and paint you as a loon. 

Show his wife the evidence. Nothing will get your wife thrown under the bus by him faster. 

Keep in mind you can likely run him off but you still have a cheating and unremorseful wife. If she shows no remorse you can expect her to find another OM.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tellitlikeitis (Apr 10, 2013)

hi, update here. I am looking for some advise on her state of mind/thought process and my next steps. I actually believe nothing physical happened and appreciate people think she has done x/y/z based on their circumstances but ive know her 11 years so i have to start believing her somewhere... So:

- I spoke to the OMW last week - she couldnt believe it and ive not heard anything back(?) 
- My wife eventually started admitting to meeting him and texting him, "nothing happened" at the hotel in May
- She says they have stopped contact.
- i recovered a kik database from her phone - there is 20+ "sexting" texts and she said it started 1 week before. This ties in with the recording of her/friend being "worried"
- I recovered a couple of photos of her in underwear and this ties in with the texts/date it started
- i gave her a ultimatum "truth or divorce"
- she wouldnt tell me what the texts were so i showed her my evidence and said "its over. Divorce process starts next week"

Wind on a few days and she opened up, talked about the texts, how she feels, how i feel. I said i dont want divorce but i needed to hear the truth.

She wanted me to move out for "space" for a week. i said no so she has been staying at a friends for a few nights. 1 day she is smiley, the next very angry, says i drove her to this with me totally missing her emotion needs - she is right, i have   She is very angry, eating crap, drinking, smoking, ignoring kids after work by watching telly. Ive read about depression? She says she needs to speak to a councilor, i have already

Life is v tense. Any advise on next steps? I dont want divorce but i need to mentally prepare for it


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## BashfulB (Jul 1, 2013)

You didn't fail to meet her needs unless she told you beforehand and you failed to adjust your ways. If she made you think she was happy while doing this behind your back, then she has no leg to stand on you cannot be held responsible for behavior you weren't aware if. It was her responsibility to vocalize her needs. So don't let her spin that on you. Call it for the b.s. it is when she says that. 

Good for you staying strong and kicking her out. She is in major defiance mode and hat tells me it did go physical. She's running from the truth.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## See_Listen_Love (Jun 28, 2012)

Well, more or less you finally did the right things, so well done.

Give the OMW the evidence to make sure you get maximum leverage from that side. If OM ends the relation it will make your position stronger.

Let your wife cook a while, don't show any weakness in front of her.

Look for a friend you can talk to and show you emotions to in safety. Your best chance is having her come back to you and willing to do the work to improve the relation. 

That is only the beginning then, because you will have to dig out the truth, it may come in steps, so be strong.

Start working out, weight training, running. No or little alcohol. Keep posting and venting whatever you think. People here deal with this situation all the time as you know.


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## bryanp (Aug 25, 2011)

She constantly was sexting to him and she meets him in a hotel. I guess married women go to hotels to meet with the man they have been sexting to discuss current affairs.........Oh please. You are in such denial.

By the way if the roles were reversed how would your wife be acting? She has continued to disrespect you and your marriage. If you do not respect yourself then who will? Good luck.


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## tellitlikeitis (Apr 10, 2013)

BashfulBull said:


> You didn't fail to meet her needs unless she told you beforehand and you failed to adjust your ways.


We went to "relate" a few years ago so yes she has told me on numerous occasions but i failed/forgot to listen


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## Fisherman (Oct 26, 2012)

tellitlikeitis said:


> We went to "relate" a few years ago so yes she has told me on numerous occasions but i failed/forgot to listen


It doesn't matter, there is no legitimate reason to go outside the marriage.


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## tellitlikeitis (Apr 10, 2013)

Fisherman said:


> It doesn't matter, there is no legitimate reason to go outside the marriage.


indeed! 

As i said, she is being quite strange over the last few days. I am trying to understand the psychology here and what her next move is/may be given peoples previous experience here


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## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

tellitlikeitis said:


> I actually believe nothing physical happened and appreciate people think she has done x/y/z based on their circumstances but ive know her 11 years so i have to start believing her somewhere... So:
> 
> - I spoke to the OMW last week - she couldnt believe it and ive not heard anything back(?)
> - My wife eventually started admitting to meeting him and texting him, "nothing happened" at the hotel in May


 I am going to tell it like it is. Something happened at the hotel. When people meet someone at a restaurant that happens to be at a hotel, they call the meeting place a restaurant and not a hotel. Your wife said to her friend that she was meeting the OM at the same "hotel" as they met each other before; she did not say at the same restaurant. Also, how would the friend know that "hotel" meant restaurant? If it were innocent she would want to make that very clear to her friend. You may have know her for 11 years, but that did not stop her from lying to you about her relationship with the other man (OM) every step of the way. She has never admitted anything to you about her relationship with the OM that you did not already know about first. This is common among cheaters. They make you show what you can prove, and then build their false story around only that. Add it her blame sifting and lack of remorse and you have just another cheater following the standard cheaters script. 

When a famous con man was asked how he got people to believe the unbelievable, he told them that it was easy to get people to believe anything if they wanted to believe. Like most betrayed spouses, you want to believe the unbelievable. Cheaters lie. Your wife is a cheater. She is lying. She met him at the same "hotel" as before, not at the same restaurant.


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## CEL (May 7, 2013)

TRy said:


> I am going to tell it like it is. Something happened at the hotel. When people meet someone at a restaurant that happens to be at a hotel, they call the meeting place a restaurant and not a hotel. Your wife said to her friend that she was meeting the OM at the same "hotel" as they met each other before; she did not say at the same restaurant. Also, how would the friend know that "hotel" meant restaurant? If it were innocent she would want to make that very clear to her friend. You may have know her for 11 years, but that did not stop her from lying to you about her relationship with the other man (OM) every step of the way. She has never admitted anything to you about her relationship with the OM that you did not already know about first. This is common among cheaters. They make you show what you can prove, and then build their false story around only that. Add it her blame sifting and lack of remorse and you have just another cheater following the standard cheaters script.
> 
> When a famous con man was asked how he got people to believe the unbelievable, he told them that it was easy to get people to believe anything if they wanted to believe. Like most betrayed spouses, you want to believe the unbelievable. Cheaters lie. Your wife is a cheater. She is lying. She met him at the same "hotel" as before, not at the same restaurant.


:iagree::iagree::iagree:

Sorry but this is so spot on that I don't even need to right it. Polygraph and see the answers come spilling out in the parking lot :rofl:


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Not meeting emotional needs and "you're controlling " is just cheater talk, they all do it. You need to show the OMW your evidence. He has gaslighted her.


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## GROUNDPOUNDER (Mar 8, 2013)

bryanp said:


> She constantly was sexting to him and she meets him in a hotel. I guess married women go to hotels to meet with the man they have been sexting to discuss current affairs.........Oh please. You are in such denial.
> 
> By the way if the roles were reversed how would your wife be acting? She has continued to disrespect you and your marriage. If you do not respect yourself then who will? Good luck.


This is right on tellitlikeitis. A married women does not meet a man in a hotel unless she's planning on having sex with him. Just think about this. If you had a friend that told you his wife had met another man in a hotel. That they had been sexting each other leading up to the hotel meetings, but she swears that nothing physical had happened...

What would you tell him? You'd tell him that she went there to have sex. You're basing your feeling that your wife hasn't had sex with him yet on the wife that YOU ONCE KNEW... That wife doesn't exist anymore.

She tells you that she didn't have sex and you believe her. How many things has she told about this affair already that turned out untrue?...

EVERY time that she's met this guy, outside of at their workplace, there is a good chance she had sex with him.

Whether you want to believe it, or not.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Her behavior unfortunately isn't strange at all, it's very much that of a cheater.

Her wanting the two of you to separate isn't for cooling off, it's do she can work through where her relationship with the OM might go, and if she wants to put the work in to staying married.

Right now she's wondering if thins will calm down at the OMs place and if he'd be interested in continuing with her. 

See if she wanted the marriage as her top priority, she wouldn't want you out if her sight, she would be wanting to work on you. Instead she wanted time a apart.

Meanwhile, what she is doing is called blame shifting - cheaters do it because give the choice of admitting the affair is 100% their choice and responsibility would mean they are the bad person not you. It also would mean to them, that they are the one who would be responsible for doing hard work to fix it.

So she blames you because that's removes it all from her.

What you don't mention is any remorse from her, and that's the worst of it, besides the fact that she's still lying to you about the hotel and nothing happening.

If I were you, I would be demanding a polygraph about the no sex claim before I would stop the D.

I would also ask her of she's been in contact with him since Dday and what was said. - not that your going to get an answer.


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## See_Listen_Love (Jun 28, 2012)

tellitlikeitis said:


> > Originally Posted by *Fisherman*
> > _It doesn't matter, there is no legitimate reason to go outside the marriage._
> 
> 
> indeed!


Apart from the affair being wrong, the cheating terrible, I would like to adress you said



> > Originally Posted by *BashfulBull*
> > _You didn't fail to meet her needs unless she told you beforehand and you failed to adjust your ways._
> 
> 
> We went to "relate" a few years ago so yes she has told me on numerous occasions but i failed/forgot to listen


You failed here your obligations in the marriage.

I wonder if the physical issue it typical more important for men, and the emotional issues for women.

I think it is equally part of the contract called marriage, and inclusive in the idea of loving eachother for life.


In the contract view of a marriage, one partner has no obligation anymore if the other partner has broken his obligation.

So it does matter what you did before. 

And it is an excuse...in a legal view, not only an excuse, but even a justified action.

Still thinking about this...


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## ToothFairy (May 19, 2013)

She was looking at her own Vagina with her cellphone to look for "threadworms". Come on... please tell me you aren't falling for this. Threadworms or Pinworms as they are also called are not something woman get in the vagina unless she is a very unclean woman. This is common in children and they usually only come out at night in the dark. This is really gross.


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## baldmale (Dec 29, 2010)

Oh, and the space she wants now is to carry on her cheating ways without you around getting in the way. If she wanted to fix the marriage she would be home begging for forgiveness.

Get your head outta the sand and get in the game.


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## SadandAngry (Aug 24, 2012)

She has cheated, and she is lying her ass off about it. Those 2 facts will never change now. Is that level of disrespect tolerable to you in the long run? You need to think very carefully about that. I'm coming up on the 2 year anniversaries of all the significant dates in my wife's affair. I killed it, I got her back, but these days, honestly, I just really don't much care. She put me to the supreme test, and I jumped through the hoops and did everything right. But I didn't do right by myself I feel. I didn't deserve that. I shouldn't have to take that. No, I wasn't perfect, no we made huge mistakes, but I didn't look outside the marriage. I didn't bring a lowlife piece of **** into our life. I didn't get any input into that decision process. That was all her. I've torn myself apart for 2 years getting to the roots of my issues, and I am succeeding at that. I'm a far better man than I was before, but I wasn't bad before. I wasn't evil. I was doing the best I could with the tools I had, and I was on the right track even. With what I know now, the problems we had then would be pretty easy to overcome. The difference now though, is that she will always be a lying cheater. She lost faith, she gave up, she betrayed our family. I didn't. And I'm the one who feels like I am the one being punished, because I am still faithful, I am still reliable, I have been rock solid. I deserve better.

So think very hard about it. You take your share of the blame, but the cheating, that's got naught to do with you. That's all her, and don't you forget it. And don't let her try and pin it on you. You deserve better.


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## workindad (May 7, 2011)

OP, she only came clean to you after she realized what you already knew. That isn't coming clean. You want to believe nothing happened at the hotel, but you are in denial. Her actions afterwards make it obvious that she wants to pursue OM while keeping you on the back burner.

She has no remorse and is actively seeking OM, that is the reason for the separation and why she blames you for her actions. She is not responsible for her cheating, you are. Typical cheater speak.

Are you going to put up with it?

Your best bet to save your marriage may be filing for D and exposing. I would definitely reach out to OM's wife with all of your evidence. She may uncover something to share with you as well.

Keep in mind, filing for D does not mean you must go through with it. In the end the decision to R or D is yours.

Good luck
WD


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## doubletrouble (Apr 23, 2013)

tellitlikeitis said:


> indeed!
> 
> As i said, she is being quite strange over the last few days. I am trying to understand the psychology here and what her next move is/may be given peoples previous experience here


She's being strange because she's trying to figure out her next move. And yours. Are you serious about divorce?* I never would have told her I didn't want divorce. I'd let her stew in those juices long and hard.* Bring it up again and tell her you're going through with it. She needs to cash a reality check from YOU.


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## harrybrown (May 22, 2013)

any update on your situation?


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## nogutsnoglory (Jan 17, 2013)

SadandAngry said:


> She has cheated, and she is lying her ass off about it. Those 2 facts will never change now. Is that level of disrespect tolerable to you in the long run? You need to think very carefully about that. I'm coming up on the 2 year anniversaries of all the significant dates in my wife's affair. I killed it, I got her back, but these days, honestly, I just really don't much care. She put me to the supreme test, and I jumped through the hoops and did everything right. But I didn't do right by myself I feel. I didn't deserve that. I shouldn't have to take that. No, I wasn't perfect, no we made huge mistakes, but I didn't look outside the marriage. I didn't bring a lowlife piece of **** into our life. I didn't get any input into that decision process. That was all her. I've torn myself apart for 2 years getting to the roots of my issues, and I am succeeding at that. I'm a far better man than I was before, but I wasn't bad before. I wasn't evil. I was doing the best I could with the tools I had, and I was on the right track even. With what I know now, the problems we had then would be pretty easy to overcome. The difference now though, is that she will always be a lying cheater. She lost faith, she gave up, she betrayed our family. I didn't. And I'm the one who feels like I am the one being punished, because I am still faithful, I am still reliable, I have been rock solid. I deserve better.
> 
> So think very hard about it. You take your share of the blame, but the cheating, that's got naught to do with you. That's all her, and don't you forget it. And don't let her try and pin it on you. You deserve better.


Couldn't agree more. Think long and hard before letting her back in. She ruined your marriage and is still doing it with her current actions. You deserve better than that.


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

You need to kill the affair.
Expose to everyone and start a lawsuit agains the company.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Hicks said:


> You need to kill the affair.
> Expose to everyone and start a lawsuit agains the company.


Call his company and expose.


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