# Facebook - #1 Cause of Relationship Problems



## MarriedWifeInLove

Heard on the radio this morning that a 'new study' shows the #1cause of relationship problems now is...drum roll please...FACEBOOK.

I don't get it.

I have Facebook page, but I'm hardly ever on it, don't post much, mainly look to see what's happening with everyone else.

Hubby doesn't even have one - his viewpoint is - I don't want to talk to people on the phone, why would I want to 'talk' to people on Facebook - I don't even want some of them to know where I am. 

I have never and have no desire to look up 'ex's' - that's why their ex's - if I still wanted them I would be with them. None of them have looked me up either (don't know if that's a good thing - LOL).

We are all weak, as human beings - there is a lot of temptation out there in the world, why would we open up ourselves to additional temptation?

Don't get it and probably never will...guess I'm too old school.


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## AniversaryFight

Before I married my wife during my easy having good time. I used to hit and had sex with 30% of women I added in Hi5. I was a bad boy then..

after I married my wife I dropped off Facebook and no we both do not have. It is a partial dating site for my experience!


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## MarriedWifeInLove

AniversaryFight said:


> Before I married my wife during my easy having good time. I used to hit and had sex with 30% of women I added in Hi5. I was a bad boy then..
> 
> after I married my wife I dropped off Facebook and no we both do not have. It is a partial dating site for my experience!


I get spam e-mail from Facebook for dating.

Understand that the dating website Zoosk is related to them in some fashion.


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## trey69

My wife and I both have FB accounts, and neither of us has had that issue. I do think those who are going through certain things within their relationships, and are vulnerable, are more likely to have FB issues with their spouse. However, that could be anywhere, not just on FB. FB isn't the cause of people's marital issues.


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## AniversaryFight

I am not talking about spam or anything. I am talking about friends I added. Girls I knew, old school friends, etc whom we found each other again on the site..., then coffee and the rest follows..

I finally decided to dropped Hi5, myspace and FB on the same line. 

I picture it as a partial dating site!


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## MarriedWifeInLove

trey69 said:


> My wife and I both have FB accounts, and neither of us has had that issue. I do think those who are going through certain things within their relationships, and are vulnerable, are more likely to have FB issues with their spouse. However, that could be anywhere, not just on FB. FB isn't the cause of people's marital issues.


Not the cause of martial issues - but a new study does show it's the cause of relationship problems.

But of course, like anything, you have to have people with the propensity for that type of behavior anyway. 

Some people will cheat at the drop of a hat and others won't cheat for any reason...I'm the latter - don't see the 'need' to cheat - just get out of the relationship then you don't have to worry about hiding, getting outed, etc.

Have NEVER understood why people cheat instead of just leave.

Financial reasons - blah, blah

Kids - blah, blah

Just excuses to me...want to cheat - get out - simple as that (for me at least).


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## CallaLily

Ok so this week facebook is the number one cause for marriage problems. Next week it might be something different. It changes! 

I have seen a friend of mine and her husband marriage just fall by the way side when they were on FB. However like trey said, there were issues there to begin with and I guess facebook didn't help matters.


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## AniversaryFight

In addition, FB is one of the best place for starting EA and PA.


One of my friend who is single, use FB as a safer was to get women contact number instead of phone number. He does not take long before he get those girls in bed.

He also adds, old co-workers in old working place, old school friends and went to bed with some of them. This is a real life story am saying!


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## Mom6547

MarriedWifeInLove said:


> Heard on the radio this morning that a 'new study' shows the #1cause of relationship problems now is...drum roll please...FACEBOOK.


Not the cause. The symptom. 



> We are all weak, as human beings - there is a lot of temptation out there in the world, why would we open up ourselves to additional temptation?


Not everyone sees temptation around every corner. I can be standing with the hottest, sexiest man alive and look at him and think yah what YOU got? Nothing.

If you have to squirrel yourself away from the world to remove temptation, then it seems to me you OUGHT to be looking long and hard at your relationship and what it ISN'T doing for you.

For me, I quickly keep up to date on my old friends from high school and college. I am able to keep up to date on the life of my sister's exchange student. I got to see pics of my sister's new puppy. I sent a card to my friend whose father is in the hospital, otherwise I probably never would have found out.

DH has a number of ex's in his friends list. They are in mine as well. So what? He doesn't want them. He wants me. That's why they are ex's.

I think USAian society has a royally f'ed up view of relationship by and large. People get married out of some expectation half the time. They don't bother to get to KNOW the person that they are marrying. Many people never learn effective relationship skills because their parents were just as f'ed up. And the only remedy most people know about is cheat or divorce or both.


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## Mom6547

MarriedWifeInLove said:


> Not the cause of martial issues - but a new study does show it's the cause of relationship problems.


I would love to see the study that can look into such a complex thing as a relationship and identify this one factor as CAUSE. My guess is that they are using the word very casually.


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## CallaLily

Mom6547 said:


> I would love to see the study that can look into such a complex thing as a relationship and identify this one factor as CAUSE. My guess is that they are using the word very casually.


:iagree:


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## greeneyeddolphin

Once again, people blame something for their problems to avoid accepting responsibility for their problems. (I'm referring to the people in the so-called study)

Facebook is a tool. That's it. Just about anything can be twisted and reshaped to be used to cheat, if a person is determined enough. Just because someone uses Facebook (or e-mail, or a bar, or a disposable cell phone) to cheat does not mean that Facebook (or the other tools) CAUSED that person to cheat. 

Cheating is caused by either something lacking in the character of the cheater, or in the primary relationship of the cheater. Instead of looking within themselves or within their relationship to figure out what's wrong and how to resolve it, they instead point the finger at whatever tools they used to facilitate the cheating. 

The problem is not Facebook. The problem is that people don't want to take responsibility for their own actions; they want to blame someone or something other than themselves.


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## CallaLily

AniversaryFight said:


> In addition, FB is one of the best place for starting EA and PA.



So are forums like this one, or any other place where people can interact via forum, email or chat.


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## cleo

I'd have to say it's probably that Facebook is an outlet for symptoms of people who already have problems in their relationships.


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## tpb72

Both my partner and I are pretty active on facebook and I don't really have a problem with that. Last night however, a facebook incident occurred that I will need to be talking to him about. 

I was sitting on the couch playing on the laptop and he was sitting at the computer. The computer screen is completely visable from where I sit. He was on facebook and got into a photo album of some girl. Not a problem for me. When the news feed says someone on my friend list posted new photos, I am often going and looking at these pictures.

When I got up to walk past him on my way to bed however, he got right out of those pictures saying he was just facebook stalking people checking out pictures and stuff. This really could have been coincidental but it did seem a bit rushed the way he got off. He has shown me pictures of his female friends on facebook before so it shouldn't have been a big deal. I am kind of guessing that maybe he was checking out an ex's page or something that he felt guiltly about it???? 

I will have to talk to him about it because we're really big on the honesty and no secrets thing. I really don't care if he's checking out what his ex has been up to but I don't like him being sneaky about it. But then again, it could have been coincidental and he was finished looking at the pictures.


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## LonelyNLost

I agree. Facebook is the devil. My H and I have some communication issues and weren't spending much time together. The classic rut. But facebook turned that into epic proportions. It isn't even that they are cheating, but just behaviors seen as shady and lying and the ex's posting on his page, etc. I am over it all.


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## SadSamIAm

I don't think Facebook is the problem. I think it just makes it easier for cheaters to cheat. It doesn't make them cheaters.

I am on Facebook and my wife doesn't choose to be. I have had many friends from 20 to 30 years ago find me (as I have found some of them) and we are now 'friends' on facebook. There is usually a pleasant message exchange asking where you been, kids, work, etc. I look at some of their photos out of curiousity, wondering if they now look as old as me or what their children look like. 

I think of Facebook as a good tool to keep in touch with friend. If I was looking to cheat, then it would be a good tool for that as well. But it wouldn't make me a cheater.


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## frustr8dhubby

Does the article specifically say that it leads to cheating or just issues?

For example, my wife isn't hooking up with old boyfriends or anything but she practically lives on the damn site. I don't have an account, I could care less to hear about every time someone freaking farts....


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## MarriedWifeInLove

Mom6547 said:


> I would love to see the study that can look into such a complex thing as a relationship and identify this one factor as CAUSE. My guess is that they are using the word very casually.


Don't disagree, but this is what 'they' (and of course we don't know who they are) is saying is a #1 cause of problems these days.

The internet has been a great avenue to connect people and provide information that we would not normally have access to at our fingertips - but it's also opened up a can of worms with easier access to those temptations that wouldn't have readily been available before on a 365, 24/7 basis.

But, I guess you can't evolve without moving forward and everything that is better isn't always going to be a bed of roses.


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## MarriedWifeInLove

Mom6547 said:


> Not the cause. The symptom.
> 
> 
> Not everyone sees temptation around every corner. I can be standing with the hottest, sexiest man alive and look at him and think yah what YOU got? Nothing.
> 
> If you have to squirrel yourself away from the world to remove temptation, then it seems to me you OUGHT to be looking long and hard at your relationship and what it ISN'T doing for you.
> 
> For me, I quickly keep up to date on my old friends from high school and college. I am able to keep up to date on the life of my sister's exchange student. I got to see pics of my sister's new puppy. I sent a card to my friend whose father is in the hospital, otherwise I probably never would have found out.
> 
> DH has a number of ex's in his friends list. They are in mine as well. So what? He doesn't want them. He wants me. That's why they are ex's.
> 
> I think USAian society has a royally f'ed up view of relationship by and large. People get married out of some expectation half the time. They don't bother to get to KNOW the person that they are marrying. Many people never learn effective relationship skills because their parents were just as f'ed up. And the only remedy most people know about is cheat or divorce or both.


That's why I said that people normally have to have the 'propensity' to be tempted in the first place.

The remedy isn't always relationship skills, some people are wired in that they can't stay faithful - these people shouldn't be in relationships at all - but we see it every day.


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## Mom6547

MarriedWifeInLove said:


> That's why I said that people normally have to have the 'propensity' to be tempted in the first place.
> 
> The remedy isn't always relationship skills, some people are wired in that they can't stay faithful - these people shouldn't be in relationships at all - but we see it every day.


"Wired in a way" to be useless and lacking in character? Shall I share exactly what I think of tools such as these who use "wired" as an excuse to fail to remain faithful? Ok I can get a handle on this pet thing of mine. I agree. They should not be in relationships.


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## JustAGirl

Ohhhhhhhhhhhh here's another study we need to listen to! Are these the same people that told us that we shouldn't pray in our schools or say the "Pledge of Allegiance"? Yeah...and guns kill people.....*kicks soapbox* that is all.....lol


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## MarriedWifeInLove

atruckersgirl said:


> Once again, people blame something for their problems to avoid accepting responsibility for their problems. (I'm referring to the people in the so-called study)
> 
> Facebook is a tool. That's it. Just about anything can be twisted and reshaped to be used to cheat, if a person is determined enough. Just because someone uses Facebook (or e-mail, or a bar, or a disposable cell phone) to cheat does not mean that Facebook (or the other tools) CAUSED that person to cheat.
> 
> Cheating is caused by either something lacking in the character of the cheater, or in the primary relationship of the cheater. Instead of looking within themselves or within their relationship to figure out what's wrong and how to resolve it, they instead point the finger at whatever tools they used to facilitate the cheating.
> 
> The problem is not Facebook. The problem is that people don't want to take responsibility for their own actions; they want to blame someone or something other than themselves.


Exactly! Personal responsibility is always the cornerstone of everything we do. 

But, from my viewpoint, the internet has made things a lot easier than before we had it.

Before the advent of cell phones and the internet, if you wanted to cheat, you actually had to meet people, arrange for places to meet, use your home telephone to speak with them (and/or a secret mailbox), etc.

Now - you don't even have to get dressed. You can password protect your cell phone and have secret chats, secret e-mails, you can do sexting on the phone or via an IM program - everything available whenever and wherever you want it.

The internet has given the people who have the 'propensity' 
and lack of character to head this way in the first place practically carte blanche to do it whenever with whoever and however they want it.

THAT is the difference. Before the internet, it was a lot harder to cheat and took a lot more effort - people who might have thought of cheating might have given up because it was too much trouble - now, no effort at all - simply power up and you're ready to go.


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## MarriedWifeInLove

Okay guys - we can debate this - but don't kill the messenger!

I thought it was interesting and wanted to see what everyone else thought.

Me - no facebook issue. Hubby - no facebook issue.

But - it appears it's a issue for a lot of others. How come MySpace wasn't such an issue?


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## MarriedWifeInLove

CallaLily said:


> So are forums like this one, or any other place where people can interact via forum, email or chat.


That's right.

But why in the hell would anyone hook up on TAM?

Most of us are here because we have problems.

I certainly wouldn't want to hook up with someone who has problems too - I'm trying to fix my own, don't want to get bogged down in fixing someone else's too.


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## Mom6547

JustAGirl said:


> Ohhhhhhhhhhhh here's another study we need to listen to! Are these the same people that told us that we shouldn't pray in our schools or say the "Pledge of Allegiance"? Yeah...and guns kill people.....*kicks soapbox* that is all.....lol


Why should we pray in school? How the heck to you expect a first grader to understand a "pledge"? 

Atheist getting ruffled... (Not really. But in a playful mood.)


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## JustAGirl

Mom6547 said:


> Why should we pray in school? How the heck to you expect a first grader to understand a "pledge"?
> 
> Atheist getting ruffled... (Not really. But in a playful mood.)


I expect them to understand ONLY if someone teaches it to them....My son understood!

I don't care if you believe in God or not (and I understand you're playful - I am too) but if you want to pray, you should be able to pray....period.

Free Country....or maybe someone should learn the "pledge"? lol


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## MarriedWifeInLove

frustr8dhubby said:


> Does the article specifically say that it leads to cheating or just issues?
> 
> For example, my wife isn't hooking up with old boyfriends or anything but she practically lives on the damn site. I don't have an account, I could care less to hear about every time someone freaking farts....


What I heard on the radio was that a new study showed that it was now the #1 cause of relationship problems.

Now that's of course coming from people who participated who said it was the cause of their problems.

Of course none of them probably jumped up and said - I shouldn't have been doing this, I shouldn't have been talking to him/her, etc. Have to point the finger somewhere - it seems like no one takes responsibility for ANYTHING they do anymore - it always has to be someone else's fault.

The court's don't help us in this regard (neither do jurors) as they award $$ and compensation to folks for things THEY DID and tell them, in a way, that it's not your fault.

Sometimes I get sooo irritated with people - free choice, free will, consenting adults - you make your bed, then lie in it.


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## MarriedWifeInLove

Mom6547 said:


> Why should we pray in school? How the heck to you expect a first grader to understand a "pledge"?
> 
> Atheist getting ruffled... (Not really. But in a playful mood.)


Okay - prayer in school and citing the Pledge of Allegiance is a whole other thread.

I believe in the separation of church and state and I am a Christian - has nothing to do with this - one should not be entrenched in the other - period.

If you want church and prayer in your schools, there are plenty of church-based schools/programs across the country - enroll your child in one of those.


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## Mom6547

JustAGirl said:


> I expect them to understand ONLY if someone teaches it to them....My son understood!


You believe that your small child REALLY understands what it means to make a pledge? Most 30 year olds don't even understand what it really means to PROMISE faithful marriage.

If my children decide to pledge allegiance to the flag, I would rather them really DO it. I hope they choose to pledge to something better like love, hope, kindness. 



> I don't care if you believe in God or not (and I understand you're playful - I am too) but if you want to pray, you should be able to pray....period.


Who is stopping you? Anyone can have their quiet mind whenever they like. The objection is to the institutionalization of prayer.



> Free Country....or maybe someone should learn the "pledge"? lol


I can recite it to you. So what?


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## MarriedWifeInLove

JustAGirl said:


> I expect them to understand ONLY if someone teaches it to them....My son understood!
> 
> I don't care if you believe in God or not (and I understand you're playful - I am too) but if you want to pray, you should be able to pray....period.
> 
> Free Country....or maybe someone should learn the "pledge"? lol


Sure it's a free country and if you want to pray - great.

But don't stop class and force others to pray also (or maintain moments of silence) or be forced to hear your prayer.

That is what being a free country is all about.

You do your thing, I do mine - but when it infringes on my rights and vice versa - then the debate begins.


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## MarriedWifeInLove

Mom6547 said:


> You believe that your small child REALLY understands what it means to make a pledge? Most 30 year olds don't even understand what it really means to PROMISE faithful marriage.
> 
> If my children decide to pledge allegiance to the flag, I would rather them really DO it. I hope they choose to pledge to something better like love, hope, kindness.
> 
> 
> Who is stopping you? Anyone can have their quiet mind whenever they like. The objection is to the institutionalization of prayer.
> 
> 
> 
> I can recite it to you. So what?


Those shoes too tight? :rofl:


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## Mom6547

MarriedWifeInLove said:


> Those shoes too tight? :rofl:


I am feeling wicked frisky! Sorry. Ok not so sorry.


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## MarriedWifeInLove

Mom6547 said:


> I am feeling wicked frisky! Sorry. Ok not so sorry.


Just joking...you know we love ya!


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## JustAGirl

Sorry for the delay...I was busy praying for you all 

Seriously....what I meant by all that is why are we listening to all these "studys"? Facebook is a tool ( I agree w/whomever said that earlier) if you're looking to stray, you'll find a tool 

Didn't mean to start any fights now lol


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## chillymorn

religion is a belief system..... agnostics and athiest are are form of religion there for there will never be seperation because only certin religions are not allowed. 

discalimer... I'm not a very religious person. But I find this topic a paradox.

My children understood what a pledge was through patience and explaining the sooner you start the sooner the learn.


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## Mom6547

chillymorn said:


> religion is a belief system..... agnostics and athiest are are form of religion


Religion is more than a belief system. Religion is organization. Eventually all organizations seek their own success and advancement, even to the detriment of the supposed belief system.

Atheism is antithesis to belief system AND organization.


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## chillymorn

Mom6547 said:


> Religion is more than a belief system. Religion is organization. Eventually all organizations seek their own success and advancement, even to the detriment of the supposed belief system.
> 
> Atheism is antithesis to belief system AND organization.


isn't there lack of belief a belief


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## mentallydrained

Agree Facebook not a CAUSE. There were issues in marraige/communication, etc before they joined facebook. 

This has been an issue between my H and I. During counseling it was stated plain and simple due to his insecurities and fact he couldn't 'controll' if, he had issue with it. No ex's involved. Felt like me reconnecting with friends was 'invaiding' our relationship. 

He joined after me for spite. Didn't work. Then after a year tired of hearing the complaints of how he felt I was disrepecting him for not getting off of it when he asked, I finally dactivated. I refused as I KNOW I was doing nothing wrong. But, I finally did. He didn not however. About 6 months later, a mutual friend ask him why I was not on. He responded with "Because I made her mad". So, I got back on. He then after few weeks, again, gets upset and then deactivates his. Didn't like how I was posting to old H.S. friends. Again..the insecurity. So, this time, I just defriended him all together. He proceeded to tell me the only reason he stayed on was to wait in hopes I would get back on as he knew it was a nice little 'outlet' for me in having my own 'space/friends'. Since I don't really have any physically. 

FB is only an added issue/symptom to those relationships in that study. They should do a study on bars and ban those as they too are a relationship problem. I'm sure there is a study on that somewhere.


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## JustAGirl

emotionalwreck said:


> Agree Facebook not a CAUSE. There were issues in marraige/communication, etc before they joined facebook.
> 
> This has been an issue between my H and I. During counseling it was stated plain and simple due to his insecurities and fact he couldn't 'controll' if, he had issue with it. No ex's involved. Felt like me reconnecting with friends was 'invaiding' our relationship.
> 
> He joined after me for spite. Didn't work. Then after a year tired of hearing the complaints of how he felt I was disrepecting him for not getting off of it when he asked, I finally dactivated. I refused as I KNOW I was doing nothing wrong. But, I finally did. He didn not however. About 6 months later, a mutual friend ask him why I was not on. He responded with "Because I made her mad". So, I got back on. He then after few weeks, again, gets upset and then deactivates his. Didn't like how I was posting to old H.S. friends. Again..the insecurity. So, this time, I just defriended him all together. He proceeded to tell me the only reason he stayed on was to wait in hopes I would get back on as he knew it was a nice little 'outlet' for me in having my own 'space/friends'. Since I don't really have any physically.
> 
> FB is only an added issue/symptom to those relationships in that study. They should do a study on bars and ban those as they too are a relationship problem. I'm sure there is a study on that somewhere.



:iagree:


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## nice777guy

Facebook makes it real easy though.

You can spend two hours on FB playing farmville and reading stupid posts. 

You can also spend two hours chatting with an old "friend" while telling your spouse you're playing farmville - and they would never know.

Its a lot sneakier than talking on the phone with someone for two hours - several nights a week. That would raise questions. Or even being on Yahoo chat or something similar.


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## JustAGirl

nice777guy said:


> Facebook makes it real easy though.
> 
> You can spend two hours on FB playing farmville and reading stupid posts.
> 
> You can also spend two hours chatting with an old "friend" while telling your spouse you're playing farmville - and they would never know.
> 
> Its a lot sneakier than talking on the phone with someone for two hours - several nights a week. That would raise questions. Or even being on Yahoo chat or something similar.



I say we do away with the internet & cell phones all together....
Then if people wanted to be sneaky and skirt around they'd have to write a letter, call on the phone or get a room and go straight for the PA....who's with me?


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## nice777guy

JustAGirl said:


> I say we do away with the internet & cell phones all together....
> Then if people wanted to be sneaky and skirt around they'd have to write a letter, call on the phone or get a room and go straight for the PA....who's with me?


Let's not get crazy now!

But maybe - if your spouse IS spending 2 hours a night on FB - innocent or not - its time to try and get their attention back on the marriage.


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## JustAGirl

nice777guy said:


> Let's not get crazy now!
> 
> But maybe - if your spouse IS spending 2 hours a night on FB - innocent or not - its time to try and get their attention back on the marriage.


I TOTALLY agree!

Tell her you have some crops you need harvesting! LOL


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## Mom6547

JustAGirl said:


> I say we do away with the internet & cell phones all together....
> Then if people wanted to be sneaky and skirt around they'd have to write a letter, call on the phone or get a room and go straight for the PA....who's with me?


I feel sorry for anyone who is in a relationship where fidelity is only guaranteed by lack of opportunity.


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## CallaLily

MarriedWifeInLove said:


> That's right.
> 
> But why in the hell would anyone hook up on TAM?
> 
> Most of us are here because we have problems.
> 
> I certainly wouldn't want to hook up with someone who has problems too - I'm trying to fix my own, don't want to get bogged down in fixing someone else's too.



You would be surprised at the people who DO hook up in forums. Married or not. Its not different than anything else. I've seen it in other forums before. And yes, even though people come on forums because they have issues, doesn't mean they are free from creating an "emotional connection" to someone on a forum who seems to understand them and their issues. Alot of people on forums depending on their issues are already vulnerable, so naturally it would make it easier for someone who is sympathetic.


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## nice777guy

Mom6547 said:


> I feel sorry for anyone who is in a relationship where fidelity is only guaranteed by lack of opportunity.


I don't think fidelity is ever guaranteed. And yes - I do think opportunity aids infidelity - makes it much more convenient.

People LOVE convenience...


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## Mom6547

nice777guy said:


> I don't think fidelity is ever guaranteed. And yes - I do think opportunity aids infidelity - makes it much more convenient.
> 
> People LOVE convenience...


Is infidelity the worst to fear?


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## logan21

I remember reading an article on this not too long ago. A lot of this comes from people connecting with old flames and having old feelings flood back. They tend to forget the bad in the old relationship and see it through "rose colored" lenses.


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## nice777guy

Mom6547 said:


> Is infidelity the worst to fear?


Like I said - even if they aren't cheating, but just spending too much time on FB - its a sign of possible problems.

If your spouse is more concerned about Betty's daughter losing her third tooth and Bobby complaining about his job than spending time with you, what does that say?


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## Mom6547

nice777guy said:


> Like I said - even if they aren't cheating, but just spending too much time on FB - its a sign of possible problems.


Yes. A sign. Not the problem. A sign.


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## trey69

nice777guy said:


> Like I said - even if they aren't cheating, but just spending too much time on FB - its a sign of possible problems.
> 
> If your spouse is more concerned about Betty's daughter losing her third tooth and Bobby complaining about his job than spending time with you, what does that say?


:iagree: Yep anything done in excess to where your time is more devoted to something else than your spouse or trying to fix your marriage can be a sign of a problem and a big disconnect.


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## nice777guy

Mom6547 said:


> Yes. A sign. Not the problem. A sign.


And a convenient opportunity as well.

Used to require some degree of EFFORT to find an old flame.

I don't lock my doors every night expecting to keep people out. If someone wants in, they'll get in. But locking the doors at least makes it a bit harder for them.


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## NightEagle1981

Yeah I think Facebook is a good way to re-connect with old friends. Granted my wife has more fb friends than I do. She is friends with some of her x's but not often enough I have never seen her doing anything really out of place. I know I have an issue now when she friended a guy that is mutual friends with her co worker and they message back and fourth or chat sometimes I've told her that makes me feel really uncomfortable but she's going to do it no matter what I say. I wish facebook would drop off the face of the earth imop. I dont use it all the time I dont spend a lot of time on it either. I think though my wife is somewhat adicted. She used to just go there for her farmville, but she never play's that anymore. First thing when she gets up is she gets online does a weather search for the day then right on facebook. Now that she has her phone back I'm sure she's going to be on a lot more.


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## SimplyAmorous

JustAGirl said:


> Seriously....what I meant by all that is why are we listening to all these "studys"? Facebook is a tool ( I agree w/whomever said that earlier) if you're looking to stray, you'll find a tool


:iagree: I don't doubt Facebook makes it much EASIER to stray when you get to talking to an old flame on the net . If you add 2 lonely frustrated spouses thinking about what could have been or what could be , this = a naughty temptation. No doubt. 

Me & mine have no old flames, not any that is worth remembering anyway. He serioulsy doesn't care who I talk to online or become friends with, He gives me total freedom, and I appreciate this very much cause I simply LOVE to gab, and I often enjoy my male friends, just as much as my female friends. I also feel the same about him. But he is not a gabber, so I guess that is easy on my part, isn't it! 

All we expect from each other -for these freedoms is to be upfront, share all, no secrets. Sometimes he will get random women he doesn't even know befriending him, he always shows me, not sure who they are or what they are looking for, so he ignores. I had a few of those but he has had more. He befriended his favoirite stripper, this was fine with me. I didn't even ask if she would be MY friend. When they have talked through a private message, he always tells me. Just a hanful of times , short & little to it. 

When all is happy & free flowing in connection at home every day, and we FEEL that, neither of us are worried about what the other is doing online, facebook, forums, at work, or anywhere we go - when we are separated.


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## nice777guy

NightEagle1981 said:


> Yeah I think Facebook is a good way to re-connect with old friends. Granted my wife has more fb friends than I do. She is friends with some of her x's but not often enough I have never seen her doing anything really out of place. I know I have an issue now when she friended a guy that is mutual friends with her co worker and they message back and fourth or chat sometimes I've told her that makes me feel really uncomfortable but she's going to do it no matter what I say. I wish facebook would drop off the face of the earth imop. I dont use it all the time I dont spend a lot of time on it either. I think though my wife is somewhat adicted. She used to just go there for her farmville, but she never play's that anymore. First thing when she gets up is she gets online does a weather search for the day then right on facebook. Now that she has her phone back I'm sure she's going to be on a lot more.


Like I was trying to say earlier - she could be chatting with anyone. And if you ask what she's doing - she'll simply say "I'm just on Facebook".

Much different than asking her who she's been talking on the phone with for the last hour - or who she might be meeting if she went out every night.

"I'm just on Facebook..."


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## Bluemoon89

I understand what most people are saying about this issue. But I really disllike when I'm visiting with someone and all they care about is their notifications on facebook.

I can understand keeping in contact with friends and family but some people who left your life long ago do not need to be let back in or know about it. That's why I delete people who never like anything I post or try talking or commenting. I feel like they dont care so I don't feel I need to be or know about their life as well. But social media isn't good for relationships or marriages I feel unless you have a strong head on your shoulders and no better. I only know less than a few like that. I feel like people live by FB now too or is that just me.

Sorry these are just some thoughts I'm not trying to start a negative argument or anything but as I'm getting older (I'm 25) I can see the bad things that social media has created and FB is one of them. I feel that people are more concerned about social media and their phones than spending time with someone or visiting. I hate having a phone I feel like a part of my soul and spirit are being pushed away by our society now days.

I just wish my husband wasn't so worried about his FB account but like most people have said it's not FB fault. It's just a site some guy created. It's what we do with it that's the fault.

I guess I just wanted to get some thoughts.


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## Bluemoon89

Yeah I wish FB would drop off the face of the earth. I hate how society is always creating a way for people to use things like this as tools. But that's the world for you I guess.


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## shakazulu2420

Wife always on it even on dates. In bed. Right after sex its straight to facebook. Its like an addiction. When driving. When cooking. When home. At work


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## melw74

It makes me laugh when you have people blasting FB for their relationship problems... FB cant destroy a relationship only YOU can do that......

If your partner cheats, its them that is the Problem NOT FB.... I believe there had to be problems there in the first place....

My husband and I both have FB accounts, we both know each others Passwords... we trust each other 100%... If my husband wants to check me out he can, just like i can check him, but there really is no need... we use it to talk to friends and family we do not see much....

I cant understand why FB always get blamed.... If you use it appropriately then you should have no problems... We never have them... we stay away from all the dramarama ...

If you have it in you to cheat then you will, you cant blame FB or any other social network....

Cheating happens everywhere, and anywhere.... YOU are responsible for your actions and what you do.... It cant be a cause.... Only you can be the reason for that and your actions.


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## nice777guy

melw74 said:


> It makes me laugh when you have people blasting FB for their relationship problems... FB cant destroy a relationship only YOU can do that......
> 
> If your partner cheats, its them that is the Problem NOT FB.... I believe there had to be problems there in the first place....
> 
> My husband and I both have FB accounts, we both know each others Passwords... we trust each other 100%... If my husband wants to check me out he can, just like i can check him, but there really is no need... we use it to talk to friends and family we do not see much....
> 
> I cant understand why FB always get blamed.... If you use it appropriately then you should have no problems... We never have them... we stay away from all the dramarama ...
> 
> If you have it in you to cheat then you will, you cant blame FB or any other social network....
> 
> Cheating happens everywhere, and anywhere.... YOU are responsible for your actions and what you do.... It cant be a cause.... Only you can be the reason for that and your actions.


I don't blame Facebook for the demise of my marriage - but I do think it helped speed it up a bit.

Its so much easier now to get in touch with "old flames". To have some guy you used to work with send you a flirty message. Flirting is fun and everyone loves attention from the opposite sex - and maybe it even starts off as something innocent. 

And now you can flirt and get that attention from the comfort of your own home - right in the palm of your hand. Even while lying in bed next to your partner after they've fallen asleep.

I could go home tonight and send 10 flirty messages to 10 married women - and would likely get at least 1 or 2 to flirt back with me. Easy - piece of cake. (Although its not an experiment I intend to perform). There was nothing comparable to that 25 years ago. 

You really don't think this makes a difference?

(How in the he!! did this thread arise from the dead???)


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## Rugs

For two years my friends were begging me to join facebook. They kept telling me how great it was. 

I FINALLY joined in 2012 to look at my girlfriend's vacation pictures.
I have an aunt and she is basically a shut-in so I was happy to connect with her. I saved a ton of receipts, learned some jokes, caugh up with old school chums....., but the friends that kept begging me to join were never posting anything. 

It turns out, they were (by then) just using the chat feature hooking up with old loves. 

And yes, my friends were cheating using facebook. But yes, it is just a tool. 

Before that, it was Classmates.com, email, and having the ability to google anybody, see where they lived...., and become a salient stalker.

Now, reading from this forum, people use the game's chat features and apps. Words with friends and snapchat. 

It's just easy to do. 

I caught you up with three old boyfriends but nothing "happened". We did our catch-up and goodbye.


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## AliceA

I've seen and heard of a few relationships/marriages that have broken up and I can honestly say that facebook was not the cause of any of them. The reasons have always been different from couple to couple and none of them had anything to do with social media.


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## SimplyAmorous

Facebook is fine ..*IF* you have a willing giving Transparency in your marriage (if that is a foundation you both agree on)....if one spouse is secretive and thinks this is OK.. yeah.. when problems arise, slippery slopes could be lurking...that's my belief..

What I have seen doing my Transparency thread  here is it seems the majority feel that's TOO MUCH .... they like some privacy, some secrets....so in this respect, they need more borders/ boundaries to control their social interactions... 

I think this is one of the best write ups on this forum...something not talked about nearly enough.. with this should be FACEBOOK TALK... 

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/articles/993-sex-lies-secrets-secrecy-destroying-your-marriage.html









When me or my H adds a friend, when we even have a conversation.. ANYTHING remotely juicy.. we share it !!.. that's just how we're wired.. and it's a good thing.


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## DoF

Facebook is not the cause, it's the people BUT Facebook does take perfectly fine people and puts them on the wrong path by DEFAULT.

Many don't realize it/recognize it until it's too late.

So yeah, be careful, I don't recommend it.

Besides, Facebook is a giant megaphone for retards.


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## Cubby

You have to be really careful with Facebook. Married couples have to have each other's passwords. Too many opportunities for inappropriateness.

Everyday, I see situations I could exploit if I wanted to with other women. Cross a line here and there, a little playful flirtation, then excalate a little more, and it's easy to see how things could spiral out of control and soon you're off to the races.....

Well-defined boundaries and knowing each other's passwords are a must if you're going to do the Facebook thing.


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## AliceA

Cubby said:


> You have to be really careful with Facebook. Married couples have to have each other's passwords. Too many opportunities for inappropriateness.
> 
> Everyday, I see situations I could exploit if I wanted to with other women. Cross a line here and there, a little playful flirtation, then excalate a little more, and it's easy to see how things could spiral out of control and soon you're off to the races.....
> 
> Well-defined boundaries and knowing each other's passwords are a must if you're going to do the Facebook thing.


It's like trying to close the gate after the horse has bolted if you 'must' have your partners password to stop them from flirting or going further.


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