# ex constantly wants to meet gf



## crash test (Sep 6, 2013)

quick backstory - been divorced 2 years...have a wonderful, beautiful, happy 7 year old daughter together and I have 50/50 custody. Met a woman a year ago, started dating and "unfortunately" she got pregnant. I say "unfortunately" because we were careless, the timing was not right, we weren't married yet, etc...but the baby is very loved and my girlfriend and I are doing everything we can to make it work...among many challenges though is my ex's insistence on having a long interaction with my gf and the baby...she wants to come to any get togethers we have, is always saying she wants to go to dinner, etc. My ex and gf have met briefly during drop off's etc but the tension is palpable and it's very awkward for me. After 15 years of living with my ex, I know she doesn't really care about me/gf... she wants to pass judgment and criticize the house, gf, etc...the divorce was not friendly at all, it was brutal and my gf wants nothing to do with the ex...this has now put my daughter in the middle of something that she should not have to bear witness too. Her mother keeps telling her, "I'd love to come visit you at daddy's and meet your brother...all I have to do is be invited, remember, he's only your half brother because he didn't come from your mommy"...very passive aggressive .... thanks, welcome comments and sorry for so long a post


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Boundaries. Get them and enforce them.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

You need to put your foot down NOW. Tell your ex in no uncertain terms that she will NOT be included in dinners or any other get together that involves YOUR family. She is completely out of line here, your family is not her business. Call her out on the things she is saying to your daughter, shame on her for putting her in that position. Tell her there will be no further discussion about your gf or your baby, and conversations must be limited to the daughter you share.


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

Your ex is creepy. Do not let her insinuate herself in your home. Yuck. I know there are situations when everyone's ex's get along and pal around, and this isn't one of them. Stand up and tell her no.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

I have always felt it important to allow my x to meet someone special in my life when they would be around our kids. I do this partially because it's the right thing, mostly because I want that same option when she has a guy around our kids. So that I can understand but your x is trying to insert herself into your life. You need to quash that immediately


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## crash test (Sep 6, 2013)

thank you...whew...I've been feeling like me not wanting to have the ex ingratiate herself in my/our lives makes me petty and that I'm not "putting my daughter" first...I feel a sense of releif that I'm not crazy...that she should have her life and I have mine, we are divorced after all. She tells me, "I should meet the baby, that's what would make "S" (our daughter) happy, don't you want her to be happy?" .... I told her, "Playing hooky from school everyday, eating candy and going to Disneyland would make "S" happy too, that doesn't mean it's the right thing to do"...so follow up question if I may...how/what do I tell my daughter that her mom is not going to be coming to any parties, dinners etc? I want to say something along the lines of, "honey, you have 2 wonderful families who love you very very much...1 family is with your mom and the other is with me and your brother. Both families love you but they are 2 seperate families, not one big one. You'll spend time with your mom and the other time with me."...or something like that...thanks again.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

crash test said:


> thank you...whew...I've been feeling like me not wanting to have the ex ingratiate herself in my/our lives makes me petty and that I'm not "putting my daughter" first...I feel a sense of releif that I'm not crazy...that she should have her life and I have mine, we are divorced after all. She tells me, "I should meet the baby, that's what would make "S" (our daughter) happy, don't you want her to be happy?" .... I told her, "Playing hooky from school everyday, eating candy and going to Disneyland would make "S" happy too, that doesn't mean it's the right thing to do"...so follow up question if I may...how/what do I tell my daughter that her mom is not going to be coming to any parties, dinners etc? * I want to say something along the lines of, "honey, you have 2 wonderful families who love you very very much...1 family is with your mom and the other is with me and your brother. Both families love you but they are 2 seperate families, not one big one. You'll spend time with your mom and the other time with me."...or something like that...thanks again.*


You are on the right track here.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Your thinking of what to say to your daughter is absolutely perfect. Unfortunately, you will be doing damage control for the things your ex will say for a long time. She's jealous and will always make comments. But you have a good handle on it. Your daughter will grow up knowing she has one normal parent -- you. And that's important.


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