# Finding support for compulsive behavior yes another masturbation thread



## Gseries (Jan 6, 2013)

Hi...I just wanted to know if anyone had sought or used support group like SAA successfully. I woke up one day and said to myself that my masturbation were neither harmless nor healthy. I sought professional help...and counselor was almost too forgiving? Like "stop worrying about it you'll be fine". Except it isn't. It has a worsening impact on my sexual relationship with spouse and consumes my thoughts as more than a stress relief - per counselor - the anxiety and compulsive behavior are the underlying condition. It sucks because i am willing to admit i can't fix this alone but cannot find a path for support.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

I don't have any personal experience with it but I've heard better things about SMART Recovery than any of the AA type groups, especially with people who were dissatisfied with AA type groups. They have local and online meetings. Recover from sex addiction with the SMART Recovery 4-Point Program® 

I'd also suggest finding a therapist who specializes in sex addiction. If they are not listening or otherwise are not a good fit, find a new one. You're hiring them, not the other way around.


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## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

Gseries said:


> It sucks because i am willing to admit i can't fix this alone but cannot find a path for support.


This doesn't "suck"..... in fact, you have come to a "place" where many whose lives are ruined by excessive masturbation never get to.

Your counselor was definitely not helpful. I don't have personal experience with SAA, but reading their website, I recognize their 12-step approach to be similar to AA, and this approach largely comes from the wisdom of the bible. As such, I would encourage you to try it.


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## AndStilliRise (Nov 9, 2020)

Gseries said:


> Hi...I just wanted to know if anyone had sought or used support group like SAA successfully. I woke up one day and said to myself that my masturbation were neither harmless nor healthy. I sought professional help...and counselor was almost too forgiving? Like "stop worrying about it you'll be fine". Except it isn't. It has a worsening impact on my sexual relationship with spouse and consumes my thoughts as more than a stress relief - per counselor - the anxiety and compulsive behavior are the underlying condition. It sucks because i am willing to admit i can't fix this alone but cannot find a path for support.


There is SAA and SA. They address the same issues but have vastly different approaches. From everything I've heard, SA is the better approach as SAA gives too much leeway to stray or relapse. 


Also check out nofap . com 

It will change your life.


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## AndStilliRise (Nov 9, 2020)

Gseries said:


> Hi...I just wanted to know if anyone had sought or used support group like SAA successfully. I woke up one day and said to myself that my masturbation were neither harmless nor healthy. I sought professional help...and counselor was almost too forgiving? Like "stop worrying about it you'll be fine". Except it isn't. It has a worsening impact on my sexual relationship with spouse and consumes my thoughts as more than a stress relief - per counselor - the anxiety and compulsive behavior are the underlying condition. It sucks because i am willing to admit i can't fix this alone but cannot find a path for support.


Also, the kind of therapist you want has the letters CSAT or CMAT after their name. They are specifically trained in sexual compulsions. 

Kudos to you for wanting to make a change for the better.


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## cd2 (Nov 17, 2020)

Are you religious? I think it would help if we understand some of your motives for this.


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## Impulse (Jun 10, 2020)

Gseries said:


> Hi...I just wanted to know if anyone had sought or used support group like SAA successfully. I woke up one day and said to myself that my masturbation were neither harmless nor healthy. I sought professional help...and counselor was almost too forgiving? Like "stop worrying about it you'll be fine". Except it isn't. It has a worsening impact on my sexual relationship with spouse and consumes my thoughts as more than a stress relief - per counselor - the anxiety and compulsive behavior are the underlying condition. It sucks because i am willing to admit i can't fix this alone but cannot find a path for support.


What do you feel is ‘harmful’ or ‘unhealthy’ about your masturbations?


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Another mast thread. 

I'll just have to wait and see how it shakes out.


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## Impulse (Jun 10, 2020)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> Another mast thread.
> 
> I'll just have to wait and see how it shakes out.


I’m sure it will culminate with a big splash


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

She was heard saying softly, ooh, my eye!!


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## Gseries (Jan 6, 2013)

cd2 said:


> Are you religious? I think it would help if we understand some of your motives for this.


Yes religious but thats not the motivation....wife feels she is inadequate sometimes because things don't work. And a compulsive behavior is just...depressing.


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## Impulse (Jun 10, 2020)

Gseries said:


> Yes religious but thats not the motivation....wife feels she is inadequate sometimes because things don't work. And a compulsive behavior is just...depressing.


Which things don’t work?
Why do you think of it as compulsive behaviour? Can’t you think of it more like...Tai Chi? (But sped up).
Masturbation can be relaxing and good all around, with many health benefits..for anyone around...


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

No matter what the reasons for this, that, you may benefit from creating some small wins for yourself and W.

By a couple less times mast a week, and a couple more evenings doing non sexual things with W you can look back after a couple weeks and observe that you still had a good couple weeks, maybe better, and build from there.

Try and avoid thinking you have to fix all things at once. Thinking it's all or nothing just builds apprehension and fear of the future.

Start building a little at a time here. Recognize it will take a bit. All or nothing is unrealistic most of the time in these situations. 

Hang in there.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Gseries said:


> Yes religious but thats not the motivation....wife feels she is inadequate sometimes because things don't work. And a compulsive behavior is just...depressing.


I have not read all your posts, but here is my advice... Be sure to open up and talk to your wife about your concerns and ask what advice she would offer to try and help you. This allows the issue to become a shared issue that the two of you work together as a team to address. It will also help prevent her from feeling inadequate because she will better understand the dynamics of what you are struggling with. At the same time it will make your struggle much easier to address if you let go of the shame and know that your wife loves you and will help.


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## cd2 (Nov 17, 2020)

Is porn involved? If so, the first step is to make it more difficult to access. If you can access it in 5 seconds for example, it's way to easy and the compulsive behavior is almost impossible to stop. I'd suggest putting some content filters on your devices and throw away or give someone else the passwords so they will be difficult to remove.

The additional benefit of content filtering is that it will also protect your children. You can tell everyone you're doing this filtering for them. If you read about the damage done to kids from early access to porn- you'd be motivated to do this anyway. Anyone with kids in the home should be protecting their kids from porn regardless.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Gseries said:


> Hi...I just wanted to know if anyone had sought or used support group like SAA successfully. I woke up one day and said to myself that my masturbation were neither harmless nor healthy. I sought professional help...and counselor was almost too forgiving? Like "stop worrying about it you'll be fine". Except it isn't. It has a worsening impact on my sexual relationship with spouse and consumes my thoughts as more than a stress relief - per counselor - the anxiety and compulsive behavior are the underlying condition. It sucks because i am willing to admit i can't fix this alone but cannot find a path for support.


First of all, your everyday therapist off the street (aside from usually being an overpaid hack) isn't QUALIFIED to diagnose a suspected sexual addiction. Yet, they foolishly do it all the time even though they lack the qualifications to do so.

Schedule an appt. with an actual *CSAT.* That's your FIRST step if you feel you're exhibiting compulsory behavior.


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## Gseries (Jan 6, 2013)

cd2 said:


> Is porn involved? If so, the first step is to make it more difficult to access. If you can access it in 5 seconds for example, it's way to easy and the compulsive behavior is almost impossible to stop. I'd suggest putting some content filters on your devices and throw away or give someone else the passwords so they will be difficult to remove.
> 
> The additional benefit of content filtering is that it will also protect your children. You can tell everyone you're doing this filtering for them. If you read about the damage done to kids from early access to porn- you'd be motivated to do this anyway. Anyone with kids in the home should be protecting their kids from porn regardless.


Quick follow...I just did this a few days ago...put a filter on my phone and I can already see the benefits and didn't realize how often I was "going there"


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## cd2 (Nov 17, 2020)

Eventually you won’t need the filter but this is the first step... stop the “impulse“. Happy for you.


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