# Husband finally pulled the trigger



## ProfJ (Jul 28, 2011)

So...after a year of separation...It's finally going to happen.
My husband and I have been playing a game like poker players at a tournament. For a year, I have been dealing him hand after hand of patience, kindness, generosity, and hope. I must admit that there are times when I would lose it, and just thought that I will not do anything and just wait on him to finally make a decision. He has been ill for the last year, and if not for the insurance that I have provided for him, he could have lost everything by now. He even told me that I hamstrung him by keeping him on the insurance, said I should have removed him when we separated so he could get his own. But I knew he would get the least coverage, and I knew he hasn't been feeling well so I insisted that he take it. Plus I thought all along that we needed the separation so we can fixed what is broke in our marriage, and reconcile like what you see in those romantic sappy movies all the time. So he got sick and my insurance covered several hundred thousand dollars in medical bills. It's now the beginning of the year, and he feels all better. Still no decision from him.
I figured, I should force his hand in this sick game of poker we are playing. If I know my husband well (and I think I do) If I say or do something that hurt him, he will strike me back twice as hard, not physically, but emotionally and verbally. He doesn't cuss, but he might as well be saying to me all the colorful swear words by the way he puts me down and insults me.
So...I texted him an unkind message of having to grow up and make the hard choices and stop clinging to his mother.
Just as I expected, he fired back with, "I'm sending you the paperwork by the end of this month!"
Wht am I feeling right now...? For a long time, I knew the marriage was over but I was clinging to a little glimmer of hope that he would actually man up, sit me down and give me a plan on how to save our marriage.
The reason for our separation is his daughter's disrespect for me, his family's insistence that he not show kindness to my daughter lest it makes his other children jealous, and him not standing up and backing me up. It's just one of the many many things that we disagreed on, but there were no cheating, no alcoholism, drugs, abuse or any deal breakers that I hear from most marriages. Ours could have been fixed if we were committed to making it work.
But I married a weak man who promised me the world, but did not deliver, who gave up on me, gave up on our marriage, and gave up on my daughter who loved and did everything so he would love her back, because it was too much hard work to behave the right and decent way...
Wish me luck, there are times when I feel ok, and there are times when I feel like my soul is being literally pulled out of my very being. It hurts so bad, I literally couldn't breathe. And today is one of those days...


----------



## This is me (May 4, 2011)

I feel for you. I hear that better days are ahead! Hang in there.


----------



## ProfJ (Jul 28, 2011)

Thank you...I find that it adds to my depression when you post something on a forum like this and nobody responds. Lots of viewers but no takers. LOL!
Thanks again...


----------



## Twofaces (Dec 5, 2011)

Prof, 

I know the feeling....... Its no fun feeling ignored or invisible. 

Anyway, you can get through this. Please go to counseling if you can. Join a gym or a yoga class. Lunches with your friends. Stay busy. Stay distracted. Cry when you need to. It will be a rollercoaster ride. But there is light at the end of the tunnel, at least that is what i read........
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## madaboutlove (Aug 28, 2011)

Keep letting the story you hear in your head be about all the things you did right, the ways you tried to be true in your marriage. It can be hard not to end up doubting everything about yourself. It takes two people to make or break a marriage and both parties have to want it. Your husband could change if he chose to, just like mine could. It is easier for him to leave, not have to look at his own choices and behaviors, blame it all on me. Look, I have a ton of friends, old and new, great relationships with co-workers and family, I find it hard to believe that I am the one with all the problems. His life is the total opposite. I don't say I was perfect and that won't help you either, but come on, a little effort. All the problems will just follow you to the next relationship unless you look at them. Keep looking forward, look backward just enough to learn. You can't change the past, but you can make the present and future better. 

PS, sometimes the readers are not in a good place to make helpful comments, I find it comes in waves, sometimes a ton of responses, sometimes just a lot of looking.


----------



## ProfJ (Jul 28, 2011)

Thanks twofaces and madaboutlove...There are moments that I feel like I would like to make him pay, that's my vindictive side kicking in. I'm doing good on my own but he's still earning more than I do. And if there's one thing that he hates, it's paying support. He hates paying child support to his ex, even though I thought the amount was so meager considering the number of children they had together (4).
But then...I never had it in me to be ugly, so I guess I'll give him the easy way out, sign the papers and let us move on our separate ways.


----------



## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

ProfJ said:


> Thanks twofaces and madaboutlove...There are moments that I feel like I would like to make him pay, that's my vindictive side kicking in. I'm doing good on my own but he's still earning more than I do. And if there's one thing that he hates, it's paying support. He hates paying child support to his ex, even though I thought the amount was so meager considering the number of children they had together (4).
> But then...I never had it in me to be ugly, so I guess I'll give him the easy way out, sign the papers and let us move on our separate ways.


Firm decision is always better than limbo! Best wishes in moving forward!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Sucks.


----------

