# Stepping up?



## anony2 (Apr 28, 2012)

Women, what do you do to get your husband involved in the household? Do you have to tell him to do things or do you expect him to do it on his own?


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## TheEruditeOne (Nov 12, 2012)

Your husband should want to be actively involved in his household, that is, if he's apart of that household. Cycles are apart of life--there are going to be ups, downs, and flat lines. What married people must do is learn to navigate through these times as a team or unit w/o blaming, using guilt/manipulation/intimidation to gain the upper hand on the other. Let me use a simple sports analogy. Teams play to win. Teams must work together to win a game. Sometimes there will be factors that might work against that team yet they practice to win. When that teams works together as a unit they may overcome teams that should defeat them. Even if the team looses, that team still has the opportunity to become better by switching up practice styles and strategies. You see when a team plays to win, they can't allow circumstance to overshadow their goal of winning. This is precisely what a couple must do in a marital relationship. 

To answer your question, perhaps the co-coaches of the team need to have a strategy meeting to assess their approach to winning. Sometimes, the coaches think they're on their own when they have support. It's time to take it to the locker room w/a coaches meeting. Don't tell him what to do or how he should do it. Present what must be done and assess strategies to allow the household to be victorious. I know all of this is easier said than done. While I was married, my husband wouldn't want to come to the meeting; because he didn't desire to be there. Hope this insight helps.

TheEruditeOne


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

Man here, (Mrs Wysh looking over my shoulder said I should put Male species and not man)

I do most of the cooking for the family, and I do a few things on my own initiative.

I get Mrs Wysh to sort out several loads of washing on my days off, and she tells me what setting to put the washing machine on. Dishwasher loading unloading, wash my knives and pans manually.

There are some things I do off my own back, but other things I get Mrs Wysh to organise, she tends to be the house organiser.

Hope that doesn't sound too chauvanistic but it works for us.

I do most of this on my days off as I get odd days off. For instance this week I have Tuesday and Wednesday off.


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## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

We've been together a long time now so h is quite well trained now 

But generally we have set chores that we do... but if H see a basket of washing that's waiting to be hung out or folded he'll just do it.

If i want him to do something in particular I tell him what, when and where and generally he's more than happy to oblige. Like most men he sucks at mind-reading and is even worse at guessing what i want...so it's best if i just tell him.

Simple. 

PS: Part 2 of this is I when I tell him how fab he is and how much I appreciate him.. all of this goes both ways of course.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Since we've gotten back together we tend to do everything together. If the house needs cleaning we both do it, usually with me telling him what needs doing. If there's yard work to do we do it together, usually with him telling me what needs doing.

I do most of the cooking, although he does it if I ask him to or if I'm not going to be home. I enjoy cooking usually. I don't do his laundry and he doesn't do mine, although when we do our own we ask the other if they want anything thrown in with it. We usually both shovel snow and mow the grass and work in the garden. He sometimes does the snow or grass alone if he thinks it needs doing before I do.  He's kind of anal about it.

We both work the same amount outside the home.


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## In_The_Wind (Feb 17, 2012)

When i was working on my MBA my wife stepped up and covered for me with house hold duties and the children now she is working on her MSN and I have stepped up covering these things for her its called teamwork


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

ITW just likes the french maid outfit she insists he wears


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

Dollystanford said:


> ITW just likes the french maid outfit she insists he wears




Ohh la la

No. Just no.


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## In_The_Wind (Feb 17, 2012)

Dollystanford said:


> ITW just likes the french maid outfit she insists he wears


Actually my dear i wouldnt mind seeing you in the french maid outfit as for me I am a flaming Hetrosexual Male


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

In_The_Wind said:


> Actually my dear i wouldnt mind seeing you in the french maid outfit as for me I am a flaming Hetrosexual Male




Ooh la la

Yes. Just yes.


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## AgentD (Dec 27, 2010)

anony2 said:


> Women, what do you do to get your husband involved in the household? Do you have to tell him to do things or do you expect him to do it on his own?


It depends on what the household chore is. Some things he does on his own, just because. Some things I might ask him to do if its something I can't get to etc. 

As far as expectations, I think people should have a certain amount of them, but sometimes the other person may not know what you expect of them unless you talk with them about it first.


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## Bellavista (May 29, 2012)

My H is hopeless around the house. After many years I have managed to get him to clean up after himself, ie washing in the laundry, shoes in the cupboard, dishes in the dishwasher. 
Any other household chores he just does not seem to think need doing. It has been an issue over the years.


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## heavensangel (Feb 12, 2012)

Never had a problem with this......H has always helped around the house with anything/everything. I think it comes from moving out on his own @ 16 putting himself through HS and technical college. When he's home we share the cooking/dishes, etc., with the exception of the grilling: he's the Grillmaster. 

H is sexy & hot but seeing him in a french maid uniform; no way; but a tarzan style loin cloth, now that's a little more like it!


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## anony2 (Apr 28, 2012)

Thank you everyone for your replies. I wanted an idea on how to get my husband to understand I need him to take the initiative on some things. He thinks I should tell him what ever he needs to do but that is added stress to me. I suggested writing everything that needs to be done down and assigning tasks, which is what I think would work best for us. I have health problems that I am having to worry about dr.s appointments, appointments with our youngest sons teachers, homework assignments for our daughter....I cannot remember it all or do it all.


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## Amyd (Nov 12, 2012)

anony2 said:


> Women, what do you do to get your husband involved in the household? Do you have to tell him to do things or do you expect him to do it on his own?


My husband does what needs to be done around the house. He cooks, shops, vacuums etc. It's his home as well as mine. We do have to nudge eachother sometimes. But he's more productive than me.


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