# long please read



## Kristina1 (Dec 4, 2009)

My husband and I have been married for 4 months and are expecting a baby real soon. I feel that i dont get any respect as his wife! I feel like he put on a ring and signed a paper and said ok were married. I get no respect and I feel he doesnt include me in his life... he hasnt made his life OUR life yet. 

Lets start by something so simple him and I share a car, he has a spare set of keys which his mom hold on to... instead of me- his wife.. who also drives the car, having the spare set... doesnt.... (I use his set when i take the car.) 

He works and im a stay at home mom, so since getting married hes kept his bank account just that HIS bank account. Hasnt given me a card to the bank account or any access to it at all. He'll give me $20 here and there. But im home with kids- I feel I should have access to what should be OUR bank account- incase i need to buy something for the kids or myself. He doesnt come home for 2-3 days at a time due to work and I have no money or no bank card.

He's sneaky with his phone, he has a password on it so I cant go into it. He gets textes and phone calls all the time and doesnt tell me whos calling. I asked him once and he said none of your business and got mad at me! I have every right to know who is calling or texting. When we first started dating 5 yrs ago, when my phone went off- he would look at it, go through my phone, and ask me all the itme who was calling. DO i get the same respect that he wanted... as his WIFE. At that time we just met and he wanted that respect. I think i deserve that respect now!

He has a son with another woman- quick story him and i were together 5 yrs ago and he ended up leaving me for this girl... well they ended up breaking up 3-4 months after dating and he came back to me, we started to talk again and were getting back together. Well he gets a call from her she is pregnant! So he bascially dumps me again and says im going to have a family now sorry. So at the end of the pregnancy she leaves him and he comes back to me again! I took him back after leaving me twice for this girl and getting her pregnant. Ok so now were back together and he has a kid with this girl. He wouldnt tell his X that he was with me again, he didnt let me around his kid- not even on holidays. Nothing. There was alot of bull**** i delt with. But i loved him and believed him everytime he told me it will get better. So after breaking up again and getting back together again- due to him telling me he changed and isnt going to let his X rule our life. So we had a on and off thing for a while due to him not caring about my feelings or concerns. So after years of this. We get back together and he tell sme he is ready to commit and wants to get married. Well we got engaged, got pregnant, and got married. Things with X are still crap she control everything he does and its affecting our relationship. She pretends im not real, and i get no respect as his wife. And he doesnt enforce respect. He had a meeting at her house with her for visitation and what not... his dad went with him... instead of me his wife... he brought his dad. The X isnt with anyone no husband no boyfriend... so her STEP MOM was there and her dad! I think as his wife- his life is our life now and whatever decisions that are made are affecting my life an dmy kids life just as much as their life. He had brought up at the meeting... my son which is his sons step brother now. And he says if its inappropriate i wont bring him up! What the hell do u mean if its inappropriate... thats ur step son now and your sons step brother.... she needs to understand that. BUt no... he feeds into her jealousy an not understanding that myself an my son are apart of his life now... like it or not! We are his family ( talking about my husbands son) just as much as her step parents are involved with him. But instead of him respecting me as his wife and letting her know the deal... he doesnt! 

I receieved an email from her about a year in half ago on how him and her were still having sex and secretly liking each other... i confronted him and he denied it all... even though in the back of my mind i always felt somethig wasnt right with them to. So a few days ago his son had a fever and he wanted to go to her house and see him. ANd i didnt no feel comfortable about this at all!!!!!! He didnt care, didnt take my feelings into consideration at all!!!! I feel that in a seperated family.... esp when you are remarried and your wife has feelings and concerns there are boundaries... and that is one that i think is not ok to cross. Im sure when she gets married and her husband feels certain ways she will respect that! Him and her agreed the other day that once a month they will get together for an hour or so and talk about there son. WHAT!!!! You dont need to meet up to chat about him. They both have cell phone, use them. Call each other once a month to have this meeting and talk about whats going on with your kid. Another thing I am not comfortable with! Does he care NOPE! HE does what is good for him! Not for me or for us! Again when him and I just started dating 5 yrs ago I had went out to lunch with my sons father and he was not happy about that!!!! And we were just dating!!! But its ok for him to meet up with her once a month and go over to her house and hang out over there with his kid!!!! 

Anytime I have a feeling or something to say he doesnt like to hear it, he says im always unhappy and always *****ing! HE takes his **** and goes to his moms and dads house and doesnt come home for the night! I cant stand that, were married and live together.... were going to argue, be angry and not agree on things that doesnt mean you leave everytime! You talk about it and move on! But no he doesnt communicate or like any type of confrentation... so he will leave not call nothing. He will finally come home the next day or whenever and i just have to let it ALL go... the argument, him not coming home... everything! Which im not ok with either. I think regardless he should stay home... id ont care how pissed you are.... he should stop getting so mad over everything I try and talk to him about.... and I dont think letting the fight go is healthy at all. We need to talk, communicate, and figure it out. But im not allowed!!!! I have to shut my mouth. 

He was at the hospital with his son and his X for 2 days... his son had a bad cold... so instead of him calling me and respecting me as his wife to let me know how everything is going.... he doesnt call me once! He sends me a few text on an update... and its a forward text that he is sending his hole family. Instead of respecting me and call me!!! He does what is good for him and doesnt give a crap about anything i feel or say! He says im *****ig when i try and talk to him about my feelings. I dont feel like im in a marriage its soppose to be 50/50 and its not!

He talks about how we need to be strict with our kids and discipline to have respect. which i agree 100% i have a 6 yr old and he does nothing but discipline and punish him for everything.... but yet when his son is here he doesnt discipline or teah him, lets him get away with everything. Crys and gets what he wants. He doesnt want my son playing at the dinner table... so he doesnt... when his son is here for dinner he can play run around and my son is like what the hell is going on. He yells at my son to share but his son doesnt share and its ok. His son is 3, i get he is littler but this is when they learn and need to learn. He tells his son not to do things he does it anyway... and its ok. Its not right to my son at all! All the kids need to be taught and treated the same!

Im pregnant and he has made this pregnancy miserable for me he hasnt been supportive at all! I tell him im hungry he gets annoyed, i ask if we can go out and get ice cream he says no and gets annoyed, i tell him my back hurts and he gets annoyed... hes never once said hey baby let me rub ur back for you... nothing. I asked him once to rub my back and he made me feel so umcomfortable about asking because he took a deep breath and was soo annoyed by my request. There is more im sure that im forgetting but I dont want to keep going because long post can be annoying lol. But i dont feel respect. I dont feel like im in a fair commited relationship. Nothing.


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## lastinline (Jul 21, 2009)

Kristina1, the odd thing about landmines is that when people see them, they typically don't choose to step on them. Yet, all of this was clear to you going into this "relationship" and you stepped anyway. For the love of God, why?

You are correct, he doesn't respect you K1. Bad people typically do not respect anyone they see as operating from a position of weakness, and I'm afraid that pregnant and begging for money is about as weak a position as one can occupy. If you had a decent guy this would be a non-issue K1, but you don't so it is. 

You are 4 months into the hardest lesson you'll likely have in your life for sometime K1. Trust me, the fire doesn't get any cooler if you continue to keep your hands in the flames.

My advice is to get out of "this", and sooner rather that later. Learn from your mistakes and stay away from men until you can figure out why you are attracted to people who treat you so poorly. Just one man's opinion. 

p.s. I never said or inferred that this was by any means your fault K1. You are only guilty of being naive and showing extremely poor judgment in picking a spouse, neither of which is a crime. I wish you and your baby the best. LIL


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