# Why is suicide the wrong thing?



## Yag-Kosha (Sep 8, 2016)

I am not at that point yet but these last few years have been devastating on my mental well being. I am in a funk that I can't seem to break out of. I feel completely useless. 

I am back in school part time, trying to get into something new. I was in class the other day and I just wanted to run out and be alone. I feel like I don't fit anywhere and never will. Everything has lost its passion to me. I thought going back to school about a year ago would help me to find something and build a life for myself. But these days, I feel like I can barely move/breath. 

I am 29 and I feel like this world moves so fast that I can't keep up with it at all. People around me seem to do so much and move so quickly and if it wasn't for my mother and sister I'd probably already be dead. But they don't really know about any of this.

I am seeing a therapist but it's not helping. I need a purpose. Something to pour myself into but I feel lost in finding anything. 

I am an introvert and have a hard time making and keeping friends. I have very few in my life and I talk to them every couple of months. I do tend to get very lonely. 

Sorry for the rambling. I just needed to vent a little bit. Feels weird writing this out. 

I don't want to live anymore just for the sake of living.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

Yag-Kosha said:


> I am not at that point yet but these last few years have been devastating on my mental well being. I am in a funk that I can't seem to break out of. I feel completely useless.
> 
> I am back in school part time, trying to get into something new. I was in class the other day and I just wanted to run out and be alone. I feel like I don't fit anywhere and never will. Everything has lost its passion to me. I thought going back to school about a year ago would help me to find something and build a life for myself. But these days, I feel like I can barely move/breath.
> 
> ...


If you kill your self it will be the most selfish act you can possibly do.Your mother and sister will never get over it and will have a feeling of guilt for the rest of their lives.Is that what you wish,that your remaining two family members have your death on their conscience.
If you need a purpose in life then try helping others who are less fortunate,volunteer at a homeless shelter,go to your nearest animal shelter and walk a dog,do something other than sit around feeling sorry for yourself.If your therapist is not working then look for a new one.You are in college so there must be some sort of counselling services.
Remember this.Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Think of the love that others have for you, long before the loneliness that you are so seemingly finding in yourself!

You will continue to remain in my most ardent prayers, my friend!*


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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

I was also suicidal in my late 20s. Its something that just came over me suddenly. There was nothing anyone could say that could change my thought process. I got out of it by focusing on something else. For me it was starting a business. You need to find whatever that is for you. I know you can't see it right now, but I promise you once you come out of this, you're going to be in disbelief that you ever considered suicide in the first place. Also, if you haven't tried them, it might be time to look into anti-depressants. They work for many. Although probably over prescribed, people with suicidal thoughts should probably be taking them.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Find purpose in your life, and you will no longer be suicidal. I'm suicidal whenever I lose my sense of purpose. I go through suicidal phases even to this day.

Ask yourself what makes you happy, what do you want to do, and work towards that goal no matter the challenges.


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## FrazzledSadHusband (Jul 3, 2014)

I was @ that point once in my life. My life is so much better now. Didn't happen overnight, but it did get better!
Find something other than yourself to think about. Volunteer, hit the gym. Do things for other people and yourself.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

I am in my mid 50s. I would give almost anything to be 30 again, to have most of my life ahead of me rather than seeing the end - distant but approaching. I'm sure when I'm 80, I'd give almost anything to be in my 50s again.

You are young - there is plenty of time to make your life what you want it to be. 

What do you want your life to be like?


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

RandomDude said:


> Find purpose in your life, and you will no longer be suicidal. I'm suicidal whenever I lose my sense of purpose. I go through suicidal phases even to this day.
> 
> Ask yourself what makes you happy, what do you want to do, and work towards that goal no matter the challenges.


Sometimes it really can be this simple. Find something you like and that you're terrible at, and then focus your efforts on getting good at it. Once you're good at it, find something else you suck at, and work on that.

It's critical to have a goal of some kind to give yourself something to work toward. Some interesting by-products of all of that self-improvement is a sense of satisfaction, confidence, and becoming a more interesting person, which will attract other interesting people to your orbit. Success feeds on itself.

That said--when you're deep in depression (which it sounds like OP is), it's hard to find ANYTHING you're passionate about, which he's already alluded to. There's nothing wrong at all with getting on some meds to stabilize things. The trick is to not simply rely on the meds to keep you together forever. Once you've stabilized, that's the time to start working toward a goal. Once you have something you're passionate about, it can be easier to start weaning off the meds.


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## Vinnydee (Jan 4, 2016)

Living for the sake of living is worth living for. We are only alive and able to experience life and the universe we live in, for a very short blip in eternity. It is literally a once in a lifetime opportunity before we no longer exist for eternity. I am an introvert and have no friends either. Yet I make my own fun. My hobbies do not require others and I chat with people on the internet all the time via various social media. I also got married young and my wife became my best friend and only friend for much of our marriage. She is an introvert too but seems to have come a little bit out of her shell in her old age but only because my cousin introduced her to her group of friends.

Do not look for a reason for life. We are here for only one thing, to pass along our genes. All else is made up by mankind who cannot accept that death is final. We are following the stories, moral and teachings of men from thousands of years ago when it comes to religion and yet we do not accept the medical teachings of that time for some reason.  Just accept that you are alive and accept it for the gift it is. I am sterile so I cannot even pass along my genes and yet I have had a very happy life.

Does your therapist prescribe any medication for you. Some do not and I only found peace when I was put on antidepressants. Now I am glad to be alive and always happy every day. I have had friends at times but I have moved 13 times so hard to make new friends as an adult because most already have long time friends and you may not fit in with some of their group. What I did was take up hobbies like amateur radio, target shooting, stamp collecting, coin collecting, etc., that did not require others to enjoy. 

Society makes us feel that there is something wrong with being a loner. They are wrong. There are a lot of advantages to not having friends. We get to do what we want, when we want to. We do not have to dress or act in a certain way to be accepted. We do not care who likes us or not. No one is calling me to help them move or asking for a ride somewhere. I am free to explore my areas of interest without someone calling me a geek, making fun of me or calling me a blood thirsty pro gun Neanderthal.  I do socialize sometimes when my wife's friends invite her to an infrequent get together. When I am in a group I tend to draw all attention to me with my sense of humor and stories about my world travels. I am a very alpha male so I tend to want to take control of my situation. I also have a very high IQ that puts people off most times due to nothing I do other than know a lot of things that they do not. They are afraid to say anything in front of me for fear that I will think they are stupid. That is on them. I never called anyone stupid. I also came back from Vietnam with PTSD. These are the main reasons I have no friends and was depressed in my younger years. I self medicated with illegal drugs for 3 decades until I decided it was time to tell my doctor about my problems.

So I am a loner. I am sterile can cannot accomplish the reason for life. I do not need a reason for life. Trying to find one will only depress you since there is nothing but reproduction. It was when I realized that being a loner was complete freedom to do and be what I want to be, that my attitude changed. I stopped thinking that there was something wrong with me for not thinking that I needed a reason to live. I used to wake up thinking about suicide when I was much younger and even attempted it once but no one found out. My wife still does not know. I just want you to know that I have been in your shoes and am so glad that I did not kill myself because my life turned out fantastic.

Most times people commit suicide due to the way they think of themselves or how others' think about them. It is all in their head as they are healthy and have no reason to die other than beating themselves up. My cousin killed himself. His parents are rich. They financed three business of his that failed and he thought he was a failure. He did not have to work at all and the businesses he started were more hobbies than a business but his parents indulged him rather than tell him that they were bad ideas. He hung himself because HE thought he was a failure. I have failed a lot before I succeeded. You need to realize that you control how you feel about you and not external things. Therapy helps some, but not me. I need prescription drugs and I finally made peace with that. 

What I did with my life was travel all over the world, 21 countries. I travelled alone except for a few vacations. I enjoyed being alone. I saw the sights I wanted to see and did the things I wanted to do. I decided not to squander my one chance in eternity on being depressed so I set out to experience as much of life as I could, sexually, travel and otherwise. I met my wife on a train coming home from work. I was not looking for a woman but when I saw her I feel in love. We were engaged 3 weeks later. I guess I was afraid of losing her and she had become my best friend. All of her friends got married and moved away or were away in college. So we were each other's best friend and it worked out well for us. Do not try to predict your future. My future is nothing like I envisioned it. It is like nothing I ever imagined it could be. I almost did not let that unknown future come to being and would have let all the pleasure I had in life never be. We are all going to die eventually so why rush it. I can see suicide if you are dying from an incurable disease and are in a lot of pain. Other than that, better to just let time take its toll and experience as much as you can with this gift of life and awareness that we have been given.

Google the book "Party of one" at https://www.amazon.com/Party-One-Manifesto-Anneli-Rufus/dp/1569245134 It change how I view myself. I also read "Gifted Adults" which let me learn that I was not the only one who felt like I did growing up with a high level of intelligence which I hid from everyone. It nailed my life and how I felt and gave me answers while making me feel normal. Spend time trying to find your path rather than jumping off the cliff. Certainly you can endure a blip of time in eternity. It is so small as not to worry about. Even if you just enjoy watching movies, a sunset, the stars at night and the wind in your face, that is better than not experiencing that.

Look at my profile and see what choosing life did for me.


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## cc48kel (Apr 5, 2017)

I feel like that too.. No purpose, just floating around. Wish I had a passion for something like so many others do. I have just accepted this in my life. All I can do is keep moving forward and being kind to myself as well as to others. Any kind of exercise helps me and I aim for something every day!!

Look at meetup.com. They offer many different groups such as introverts. You don't have to go to them all just the ones you are interested in.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

I have had 2 members of my family commit suicide(one had severe ongoing clinical depression) and its devastating for those left behind. You family will never completely get over it, and they will be beyond devastated. Your mother will live with a burden of guilt for the rest of her life. 
If you ever really feel that you may do it then get help. You may need some antidepressants for now. 
A good way to get out there and meet people is to do voluntary work. Also exercise is very good for the mental health, find something you enjoy like swimming, sports, the gym, walking 
etc. 
There are so many meet up groups for different interests. Look on line.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

When I was in the US Air Force, we would get suicide recognition and prevention training annually. The one thing that really stuck with me is "Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem." Other than terminal illness, all things can be overcome. Suicide can not.

While I have not had a family member of mine take this route, I did see a member of my squadron take this route and I was assigned as the Family Liaison Officer and saw the havoc wreaked on his wife, mother, father, and sister (and in-laws as well). Despite being a rough and tumble guy, I really tend to absorb the pain of those whos presence I'm in. I can't even begin to describe the intensity of emotion bared before me for a period of about a month. It was miserable and positively draining, but I couldn't show any of it as I had to be strong for the family and always project a completely professional exterior, which I did, but with great difficulty. 

My point is that, no matter how miserable you are, you will make others, many others even more so. What's more, when you end your own pain, you just begin theirs, and they will carry it forever.


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## james5588 (Mar 22, 2017)

I am very very sorry to hear that you are feeling that way. I think I can relate.

I got to a point where my condition had deteriorated and rendered me completely useless (couldn't drive, couldn't sleep, muscle aches, irritability, list goes on and on). I would periodically have good days that would tease that glimmer of hope only to be tormented with an endless barrage of really bad weeks. Neither meds nor therapy worked. This went on for longer than I care to admit. Eventually, though I understood that following though would hurt the people in my life, I also believed that in the long-run they would be better off without me anyway.

Suicide is wrong for a number reasons. But for me, the one that seemed to resonate the most was the idea that I didn't want to die so much as I wanted that feeling of hopeless / dread to end.

The second, was the idea that if we do in fact have a soul that continues on, I would feel this intense feeling of remorse particularly if my depression was merely physical. 

It turned out that I had a very simple and very treatable condition, albeit one that is nearly impossible to diagnose properly. But I also had a lot of work to do, too. My time spent incapacitated left me vulnerable to future depressive episodes. So I had to change my diet, stop smoking, stop drinking, commit to regular exercise, practice mindfulness, and above all know myself well enough to know when I need a little help.

I am better today than I ever was before in my life. But maintaining takes a lot more work than it did even before I was ill.

Tragically, a family member of mine became ill (with something else entirely) and opted to give up. Losing her was excruciating, maybe even worse than what I had experienced when I myself was ill. Now there is no doubt in my mind that no matter how hard it gets, I can never put anyone through that pain.

Needless to say, I am so glad that i stuck around.

If you're in school right now, try student services, but please don't be afraid to ask for help! There are a lot of really good people out there. Maybe these experiences are the universe's way of preparing you to help others in the future?


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

Yag-Kosha said:


> I am not at that point yet but these last few years have been devastating on my mental well being. I am in a funk that I can't seem to break out of. I feel completely useless.
> 
> I am back in school part time, trying to get into something new. I was in class the other day and I just wanted to run out and be alone. I feel like I don't fit anywhere and never will. Everything has lost its passion to me. I thought going back to school about a year ago would help me to find something and build a life for myself. But these days, I feel like I can barely move/breath.
> 
> ...


I'm right there with you... Suicide goes through my mind constantly. I'm tired of being in pain every second of everyday. Dont want to get out of bed, not eating, not sleeping, lost interest in everything. I think about it every freaking minute. It has gotten worse. I can no longer control it, nor deal with it.

However. I live for my kids, for my mom. Even though I feel no one would care if I died. My kids and my mom would be completely devastated .. I can't do that to them and the reason why I am still HERE. To continue is the hardest part of it all, because, honestly I dont want to. I just feel so damn lost with no hopes of ever being found. 

Tell your mom and sister, let them help you, even if its only a shoulder to cry on . In times ike this support is key. My mom knows she has been a huge help. 


If you need to talk, vent..... Please dont hesitate to pm me. I know exactly how you feel.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

ladybird said:


> I'm right there with you... Suicide goes through my mind constantly. I'm tired of being in pain every second of everyday. Dont want to get out of bed, not eating, not sleeping, lost interest in everything. I think about it every freaking minute. It has gotten worse. I can no longer control it, nor deal with it.
> 
> However. I live for my kids, for my mom. Even though I feel no one would care if I died. My kids and my mom would be completely devastated .. I can't do that to them and the reason why I am still HERE. To continue is the hardest part of it all, because, honestly I dont want to. I just feel so damn lost with no hopes of ever being found.
> 
> ...


What got me through my years of severe clinical depression was my Christian faith and a good understanding doctor who gave me antidepressants.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

This is life isn't it? Do you think that there are people out there that don't feel like you? Look at Chris Cornell for instance. What you described is how I have felt many times in my life. Here is the thing, it's OK. It's OK to be sad, just like it's OK to be cold. It doesn't always mean you are in a crisis, sadness is a very real part of life. Just like being cold is. In the same way you need to protect yourself or warm yourself up. You also need to do this when you are sad. There are ways to do this. Reaching out, or making changes in your life to do things that make you happy is one way to do that.

It also (and this is very important) it also doesn't mean that your life will stay that way. I am about 15 years older then you. I didn't get this when I was your age. I very much felt like you do that my life was stagnant, I think because I didn't have the kind of history and ability to look over a long period of time to see that the truth was things were changing even though I didn't feel it. Now I see life a lot like watching the sun set. You really don't see it move most of the time because of how slow it is but you know it's moving. 

I think part of what I am saying over all is it's OK to feel this way. When I was your age though I remember being very fearful of the fact that I did feel happy. Like I was a failure because I had not made it to this mythical happiness place that others had. Everyone else was on the happy train and I had missed it. As I have gotten older I realized that no one is at that place. The have moments of happiness and moments of sadness. So it wasn't that I was doing life wrong, it was that my expectations were wrong. Another part of this was understanding as well that if I was unhappy I had the power to change that. I had to go and get my own happiness though by moving forward. 

The point of life isn't really about being happy. It's about living. The sooner you do that and not worry about being happy the sooner you will be content (which is in my opinion) more long lasting and important then being happy. Happiness is a choice in many ways. Contentment comes from perspective, striving, growing, learning, doing is what give us contentment.


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

sokillme said:


> This is life isn't it? Do you think that there are people out there that don't feel like you? Look at Chris Cornell for instance. What you described is how I have felt many times in my life. Here is the thing, it's OK. It's OK to be sad, just like it's OK to be cold. It doesn't always mean you are in a crisis, sadness is a very real part of life. Just like being cold is. In the same way you need to protect yourself or warm yourself up. You also need to do this when you are sad. There are ways to do this. Reaching out, or making changes in your life to do things that make you happy is one way to do that.
> 
> It also (and this is very important) it also doesn't mean that your life will stay that way. I am about 15 years older then you. I didn't get this when I was your age. I very much felt like you do that my life was stagnant, I think because I didn't have the kind of history and ability to look over a long period of time to see that the truth was things were changing even though I didn't feel it. Now I see life a lot like watching the sun set. You really don't see it move most of the time because of how slow it is but you know it's moving.
> 
> ...


Easier said then done. Depression is always there, lurking in the shadows. Its like having a dark cloud looming above your head every second, of everyday. 

Once you fall in to the pit, its hard to get out of it, it's even harder once you've hit the bottom. People who dont suffer from depression have no idea what its like, to live day in and day out of someone who does and people who suffer from depression have no idea what its like to "be normal".

Its more then just be happy, you can't be. Its not that simple, even though I wish it were. 

Its not just mental, it radiates through out your entire body. My entire body aches. I can't sleep. I've lost about 15 pounds in the last 2 weeks, my mind is going 1000 miles an hour.


Wanting to kill yourself is NOT OK. Humans have a built in survival instinct to survive. It is not normal to want to kill yourself. Being sad is one thing, being depressed is something else entirely. Sadness goes away, depression does not.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

ladybird said:


> Easier said then done. Depression is always there, lurking in the shadows. Its like having a dark cloud looming above your head every second, of everyday.
> 
> Once you fall in to the pit, its hard to get out of it, it's even harder once you've hit the bottom. People who dont suffer from depression have no idea what its like, to live day in and day out of someone who does and people who suffer from depression have no idea what its like to "be normal".
> 
> ...


I am sorry if that came across as me saying grit your teeth and deal with it. That really wasn't what I was trying to say. Believe me I know what it is like, if you read some of my post I go into detail of about my PTSD that I suffer from. There have been whole years of consistent physical pain, as well as some other symptoms which were basically not rational looking back. Panic attacks and such. It took me being on medication for a time for me to overcome some of them. I am all for getting help if that is the issue. It also took me choosing to ignore the fear that I was feeling and riding the storm. Disciplining my mind to acknowledge that what I was feeling was different from the circumstance I was experiencing. That is a very surreal situation to go through at first. I still will occasionally have a panic attack. So don't think I discount the possibility that this may be the issue. I believe others talked about that though. 

In my mind there is a difference between that and the melancholy of someone at 29 agonizing over what their purpose is, or feeling life life is passing them behind. What you are talking about is someone who is depressed from a chemical imbalance in the brain from unnatural stress or genetics. First and foremost if you are having suicidal thoughts you need to see a clinical psychiatrist. There is medication that can help you with that. I am all for people going and getting help. This is very much a physical thing. 

It sounded more to me like the poster was having thoughts like "What is the point of life, do I make a difference". I think everyone has those thoughts all the time. It's nothing to be alarmed about because that is a part of the human condition. In that case you need to make your own purpose. Having a purpose in life is important. It isn't good to use medication to take away your desire for that. It's also quite normal at 29 while you are making your way to feel that way. It doesn't mean you are not thinking correctly. Besides the moral implications which were already touched upon, my point is in that case suicide is wrong because it is also a horrible solution to a very typical feeling that most people go through. 

Those feelings that I described will ebb and flow through life. It's all a part of living. Assuming you are not clinically depressed you are going to have times when you are happy and times when you are sad. Times when life is exciting and times when it is boring. We have been shaped by our society (mostly media) to believe that life is meant to be a perpetual state of happiness and excitement, but this is unattainable and really not a healthy human condition. 

Anyway just my two cents, I am no way an expert. It's just how I have grown to feel as I have gotten older.


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## katiecrna (Jan 29, 2016)

@Yag-Kosha how are you feeling today?


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## Yag-Kosha (Sep 8, 2016)

Sorry for my absence. I am feeling better. Thank you for all the responses and to the one PM.



katiecrna said:


> @Yag-Kosha how are you feeling today?


Well, I have been exercising more lately. I do a fast walk for about 50 minutes at the park near where I live then I go home and go on my mechanical bike for another 25 minutes. I try to do this at least 5 times a week. I need to keep myself distracted and busy but sometimes I tend to get lost in my own head. School is going well. I noticed there was a thread somewhere on the forums of members posting some of their photographs. I should really post there as well. I find photography to really be a release for me. To show the world through my lens without having to say a word -- I find it very special. I wish I had found my desire for photography earlier in life and not at this low point.

Getting stuck is what worries me. It's hard to explain. It's like getting paralyzed and sitting there in that state for a prolonged period -- except it's a mental state. Where you want to do something but can't and you don't know why. I consider myself a strong person both physically and mentally. If I am needed by others, I arise to the task without hesitation or restraint. But when it comes to doing things for myself and having self-compassion, I miss the mark completely. 

And I know that really doesn't answer of how I am feeling today but is just a general overview of what's going on with me lately. I have always found that assessing my current 'feeling' state very difficult. 

I do have some goals set out for me for the summer but I am worried that I won't give them my all. I need to do these things or else I know for certainty that this self-created cage will become stronger.


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## Yag-Kosha (Sep 8, 2016)

sokillme said:


> I think everyone has those thoughts all the time. It's nothing to be alarmed about because that is a part of the human condition. In that case you need to make your own purpose.


I think I am tired of being alone. I've been alone mentally for a very long time. This is not something that has precipitated in the last several months or the in the last year. Abuse as a child was frequent. Also, I was often bullied for many years for a facial imperfection when I was younger. Both of these things caused me to mentally isolate myself in extreme ways. My face looks fine now and have even forgiven the perpetrator of the abuse. What lingers is the perpetuity of my isolation. The mental isolation became so deep it contributed to my OCD and my anxiety. I viewed the nightmare as life's mandate and carried on. 

Now, I want to change. I want to meet people. I want to connect with others. But even now, if I am in a crowded room, I am alone. It's a mental cage and it's all I've ever known.


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## james5588 (Mar 22, 2017)

Yag-Kosha said:


> I think I am tired of being alone. I've been alone mentally for a very long time. This is not something that has precipitated in the last several months or the in the last year. Abuse as a child was frequent. Also, I was often bullied for many years for a facial imperfection when I was younger. Both of these things caused me to mentally isolate myself in extreme ways. My face looks fine now and have even forgiven the perpetrator of the abuse. What lingers is the perpetuity of my isolation. The mental isolation became so deep it contributed to my OCD and my anxiety. I viewed the nightmare as life's mandate and carried on.
> 
> Now, I want to change. I want to meet people. I want to connect with others. But even now, if I am in a crowded room, I am alone. It's a mental cage and it's all I've ever known.


I know exactly what you mean. Not to sound morbid, but to cut right to the point: I have come to accept that life is mostly a lonely existence. Don't get me wrong, there are times when we can share and be open with others, but for the most part, I think we mostly walk our own paths. I can also relate to the child abuse. Most people simply can't relate to that in a healthy way or aren't comfortable sharing that part of themselves. For that, I call in the pros and have been seeing a therapist as of late.

Oh, and another thought about exercise. My physician recommended HIIT (high intensity interval training) two to three times a week. As the name suggests, it consists of alternating high and low intensity intervals. So, I'll run 10 sets of 85% heart rate max for 30 seconds followed by 30 seconds at 70%. Hitting that 85% mark does something to release endorphins (some call this runner's high) which really helps keep depression in check. Be forewarned: the one big side effect that caught me by surprise is a massive increase in libido.


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