# My wife hates me.



## Alucke (Jul 6, 2021)

I became cancer free at the end of December 2018. Starting in January 2019, she has treated me like crap. She has complained about every little thing I say. Starting may 2021, she started acting very weird. Hiding things from me, etc. I went to Texas June 10-23. And I found out that she has been having late night multimedia texting sessions with a known sex offender, from where she works. When I got home from Texas, she has been very distant, spending more time at work when he's there, blowing me off, getting pissy when I ask her a question. How can I possibly fix this. I am very heartbroken. I love my wife, very much. But I can't take much more if this. Please give me advice?


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Check your phone bill. Her boyfriends number will be there. She’s neck deep in a SEXUAL AFFAIR. Then file for divorce. You can’t fix her.

You’re a chump only if you allow it.


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## re16 (Oct 9, 2012)

Sorry, but she's cheating.

Do you have kids together?


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## Tested_by_stress (Apr 1, 2021)

Serve her divorce papers at work. How can you love someone who does this to you?


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## TAMAT (Jun 20, 2015)

Alucke,

My guess is that she wanted you to die so she could have her affair without guilt or the need to conceal.

Please watch out for yourself a sexual predator like your WW is entangled with can twist your WWs mind to do horrible things, like kill you or drain all the bank accounts.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

You should stay with one thread as this is exactly the same as your other one.

Your situation is bad.... she is already done. Your hanging on to nothing.


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

i think she had a lover before you found out about your sickness , she stayed with you to help you when you were sick 
then you pulled through and now she might have lost her lover because of staying with you and blames you and holding the fact that you did not die against you 

she is now just using your home as she has no where to go but you have become a pain in her ass 
best thing is to be honest and put this relationship to an end


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## Alucke (Jul 6, 2021)

Marc878 said:


> Check your phone bill. Her boyfriends number will be there. She’s neck deep in a SEXUAL AFFAIR. Then file for divorce. You can’t fix her.
> 
> You’re a chump only if you allow it.


I checked my cellphone bill. She didn't start texting that person till may 23, 2021. And it's still going on.


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## Alucke (Jul 6, 2021)

re16 said:


> Sorry, but she's cheating.
> 
> Do you have kids together?


Yes, we have 3 kids together. And 18 year old, 11 year old and a 5 year old. The 11 & 5 are girls. My oldest daughter, 28 from my first marriage, was molested by her maternal grandparents when she was around 4-7 years old. So I am now afraid for my younger daughters because of what my wife is doing.


TAMAT said:


> Alucke,
> 
> My guess is that she wanted you to die so she could have her affair without guilt or the need to conceal.
> 
> Please watch out for yourself a sexual predator like your WW is entangled with can twist your WWs mind to do horrible things, like kill you or drain all the bank accounts.


Well let's just say, from Jan 1, 2019 - now, she has treated me like dirt 85% of the time. Yelling, screaming at me for things that I have no control over. But I loved her because she cared for me during my 7 month lung cancer fight.


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## Alucke (Jul 6, 2021)

frenchpaddy said:


> i think she had a lover before you found out about your sickness , she stayed with you to help you when you were sick
> then you pulled through and now she might have lost her lover because of staying with you and blames you and holding the fact that you did not die against you
> 
> she is now just using your home as she has no where to go but you have become a pain in her ass
> best thing is to be honest and put this relationship to an end


I am on permanent disability now because of lung cancer. My SSDI pays all the bills for our house I rent (I am on the lease, she is not). She **thes and yells at me when I get gas, buy food for the kids and I. I am never good enough. I am missing 2/3s of my right lung. She throws a major fit because I physically can't do what I could do before my cancer. Sometimes I think that I should have died from lung cancer.


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## Alucke (Jul 6, 2021)

Mr.Married said:


> You should stay with one thread as this is exactly the same as your other one.
> 
> Your situation is bad.... she is already done. Your hanging on to nothing.


Sorry, I didn't think my first post to this site didn't go through.


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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

Alucke said:


> I became cancer free at the end of December 2018. Starting in January 2019, she has treated me like crap. She has complained about every little thing I say. Starting may 2021, she started acting very weird. Hiding things from me, etc. I went to Texas June 10-23. And I found out that she has been having late night multimedia texting sessions with a known sex offender, from where she works. When I got home from Texas, she has been very distant, spending more time at work when he's there, blowing me off, getting pissy when I ask her a question. How can I possibly fix this. I am very heartbroken. I love my wife, very much. But I can't take much more if this. Please give me advice?


Unless she is willing to do marriage counseling and actually work on the marriage, forget it. Gather your evidence of the affair, get a good lawyer and lose her.


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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

Alucke said:


> Yes, we have 3 kids together. And 18 year old, 11 year old and a 5 year old. The 11 & 5 are girls. My oldest daughter, 28 from my first marriage, was molested by her maternal grandparents when she was around 4-7 years old. So I am now afraid for my younger daughters because of what my wife is doing.
> 
> Well let's just say, from Jan 1, 2019 - now, she has treated me like dirt 85% of the time. Yelling, screaming at me for things that I have no control over. But I loved her because she cared for me during my 7 month lung cancer fight.


There might be something wrong with her that has caused the change. I saw it happen to my aunt. Something happened, and she became more hostile towards males in general and especially the male children in her family. But again, unless she can admit to it and want to change, the fight is not worth it. My uncle loved her very much but he had to leave her.


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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

Alucke said:


> I am on permanent disability now because of lung cancer. My SSDI pays all the bills for our house I rent (I am on the lease, she is not). She **thes and yells at me when I get gas, buy food for the kids and I. I am never good enough. I am missing 2/3s of my right lung. She throws a major fit because I physically can't do what I could do before my cancer. *Sometimes I think that I should have died from lung cancer.*


Get that thought out of your head. This is a problem with her not you. I have no doubt that you are beating yourself up enough for not being able to do as much as you used to. I know my one wife does that because of her blown knee and cluster headaches. She was previously in an abusive marriage and as such she now often apologizes for not being able to do thing and frequently thinks we are mad at her for it. It's been over 5 years since she moved in with my legal wife and I and she has improved a lot, but she still has far to go. At least now she has people who are supporting her not berating her. You do not deserve to have that kind of abuse come from an outside source.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Alucke said:


> Please give me advice?


In a situation where a spouse has to become a primary care giver, you need to appreciate that BOTH of you went through pain and suffering. Both of you (meaning your marriage) needs to recover and the healing process can still take time. 

So if your marriage needs time to heal, the realistic expectations would be that you likely need the equivalent of physical therapy to regain all the function of your relationship. The process may be painful, but it is likely a pain of healing and recovering. 

If your wife has had an affair (emotionally or physically) you should take that as an indication that she has been struggling with emotional pain and has struggled to seek relief from that. Once your marriage heals the affair will subside (as it no longer serves the purpose of relieving pain). 

Your path forwards is forgiveness to yourself and to your wife and working through the difficult emotions with a hope that as your marriage recovers that it will be stronger and more fulfilling as a result. 

I almost died once and my wife was the one by my side and taking care of me. I also experienced that she was the only one I wanted by my side during some of the tougher moments. As a result of her doing that it gives me the strength to take care of myself so that I can be by her side during her tough moments.

Perhaps your wife needs you to be there for her and be strong so that she can recover from everything. She is likely still in emotional pain and needs you to help her. Perhaps she does not know how to ask you for help since she may still perceive herself as your caregiver.


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## Alucke (Jul 6, 2021)

badsanta said:


> In a situation where a spouse has to become a primary care giver, you need to appreciate that BOTH of you went through pain and suffering. Both of you (meaning your marriage) needs to recover and the healing process can still take time.
> 
> So if your marriage needs time to heal, the realistic expectations would be that you likely need the equivalent of physical therapy to regain all the function of your relationship. The process may be painful, but it is likely a pain of healing and recovering.
> 
> ...


I treated her special after i became cancer free, yet she has treated me like dirt. Today is our wedding anniverary, I told her happy anniversary, and i love her. She stated that she doesn't care.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Alucke said:


> I treated her special after i became cancer free, yet she has treated me like dirt. Today is our wedding anniverary, I told her happy anniversary, and i love her. She stated that she doesn't care.


I don't know if you have ever experienced a broken bone before. After being in a cast for six weeks your bone heals and then the doctor removes your cast and sends you along your way. The reality is that you still have a lot of recovering to do as you lost almost all your muscle mass and flexibility from wearing a cast for so long. You try and move and everything hurts and it is stiff but gradually you recover your movement and muscles. 

So you want to treat your wife special and celebrate your anniversary. That might be a lot like trying to have fun and play golf after getting a cast taken off your arm. 

Lower your expectations and take some time to talk about the struggles she endured. Talk about forgiving one another as opposed to hurting one another. Have some tough conversations while at the same time allow time to heal the wounds.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Alucke said:


> Today is our wedding anniverary, I told her happy anniversary, and i love her. She stated that she doesn't care.


You have your answer with ^^this.^^ She's already finished with the marriage and has permanently checked out. 

Get a good divorce attorney and file for divorce NOW. I'm sorry this has happened to you.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

Alucke said:


> And 18 year old, 11 year old and a 5 year old. The 11 & 5 are girls. My oldest daughter, 28 from my first marriage, was molested by her maternal grandparents when she was around 4-7 years old. So I am now afraid for my younger daughters because of what my wife is doing.


You need to have this documented and I'd probably contact a lawyer about this. SHE is interacting with a known sex offender and she is around your kids? How sure can you be that she won't have HIM introduced to your kids. VERY dangerous here...


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

Alucke said:


> I am on permanent disability now because of lung cancer. My SSDI pays all the bills for our house I rent (I am on the lease, she is not). She **thes and yells at me when I get gas, buy food for the kids and I. I am never good enough. I am missing 2/3s of my right lung. She throws a major fit because I physically can't do what I could do before my cancer. Sometimes I think that I should have died from lung cancer.


First off, I'm so glad that you beat cancer and are here.
That being said, I'm sorry that you find yourself here, and with marital troubles. To me, it sounds your wife is in a full-blown affair with a real winner. He is probably around your kids too, and that's not good at all. If I were you, here's what I would do: gather important documents of yours and your kids (as well as anything that holds special meaning), sock away some money, and talk to a lawyer to see what your options are. In other words, get organized, then hightail it to heck out of there with your kids. Do you have pets? Take them too. Personally, I would be scared for my kids' safety as well as my own, with your wife being involved with a criminal.


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