# Momzilla's viral email? Have any of you been d-i-l and m-i-l?



## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

I woudl assume many older women have been both obviously.

This whole thing (and I haven't followed it very close - just a couple of reads) is interesting from the guys perspective as I see so many daughter-in-laws not get along with their mother-in-laws. . .The mother-in-law is usually the villian in the story.

But they have to become mother-in-laws some day, right?

What happens between your 20's/30's and 40/50's?

It has to be more than the birth of a son.

I know many here will totally deny that they would ever act like this women, yet. . .it's so common.

Does the b***h phenotype express itself more readily post-menopause?

Sons and husbands just seem to watch helplessly.

I wish a b***hy mother-in-law could come on here and give us her perspective. . .honest perspective. . .I'd like to know what is going through their heads. . .no judgment.


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## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

I am not a MIL yet, but I have been a DIL, and I think that some people are just selfish, unempathetic and mean. That goes for MILS and DILS. Also some people are dramatic, they like drama.

I have been friends with a few women who had pretty good MILS, they were just ridiculously sensitive about what they got upset about, the MILS were really well meaning, sometimes a little out of line, but nothing that wasn't made up for by their generosity and kindness. 

I also know some awful MILS who were just not nice people, and were really not nice to any one.

I think sometimes too the problem with nice guys (and by that I mean door mats) is they also have issues setting boundaries with their mothers. If a man sets firm boundaries with people, including his mother then she should be of no real annoyance and consequence to the marriage.

It is the mans job to ensure his mother treats his wife with respect. He needs to make her understand that if she cannot do that then she will not be invited in to their life very often.


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## 4sure (Aug 8, 2010)

The less the MIL knows about your business, relationship, the better off you are. When one talks ,and reveals all, to their MIL she then feels free to get involved. The DIL takes away the boundaries.

DO NOT vent about your husband to his mom, not a wise move.


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

4sure said:


> The less the MIL knows about your business, relationship, the better off you are. When one talks ,and reveals all, to their MIL she then feels free to get involved. The DIL takes away the boundaries.
> 
> DO NOT vent about your husband to his mom, not a wise move.


I have adult daughter and not MIL yet, but through her long-term relationship, I tended to mind my own business. I trust that I raised her smart and it's her choices now. I'm not nosey by nature, so that helps. What my MIL did that I hated was get involved in rearing my children. There is a difference between helpful tips and saying you're doing it wrong.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## FaithHopeLove (Apr 21, 2011)

I love my mother-in-law-- she is such a sweet lady to me and she loves that she now has her own daughter. My fiance, my sister, and I spent Christmas at my fiance's parents' place and she was over joyed to have TWO daughters to go shopping with-- my sister even showed her how to knit a scarf and we had a fun time shopping for yarn.

If there was something that my MIL really thought was against how she lived, I would hope she would share it. It's a shame that the DIL thought she had the right to spread the e-mail around-- I saw the email more as "tough love" than trying to be mean.


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

Well, I guess I feel blessed. My MIL is great - she's almost been like my second mom. She told me once that she couldn't have imagined a better girl marrying her boy.


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## LuvMyH (Nov 11, 2009)

I'm blessed with a great MIL, too. In fact, all of my in laws are really good people. It's my twelfth anniversary and my husband's family are one of the things I'm grateful for today. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## magnoliagal (Mar 30, 2011)

I'm 45 and my oldest is 11 so I've got a ways to go. My MIL and I get along fine because the best thing she does is NOT get involved. Not with me or the other SIL's. I don't live near her but it wouldn't have mattered. She knows to stay out of other people's business.

I can see how bad MIL's are created though. They are too enmeshed with their kids. The adult kids are just as guilty because they don't set healthy boundaries. I see it all the time with friends of mine and even my own sister. Sometimes you just gotta put your foot down and say no.


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## WhereAmI (Nov 3, 2010)

I'm just another gal with nothing but love for my MIL. We're both laid back people who like to laugh at darn near anything. Back when we lived in the same state, I'd have more fun going out with her than my own friends. I hope I'm half as awesome as she is when my children marry.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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