# Hello new here..



## Yellowbuttercup (Feb 4, 2021)

I need advice...
My husband has been using a hands free sex toy. And keeps me up at night and suspicious other times. He wont admit to any of it. Iam going insane. He keeps doing it acting like he is not and i get so upset that he is lying. I have resentment building. I have tried everything to get him to be honest. I told him i dont care about what he is doing, but i do care that your doing it right in front of me and lying straight to me face. Its like he is playing some sex mind game with me.. 
Its very hurtful. But he will not admit any of it at all. 
He knows i know for sure but still wont admit it. And he will go so far as to making me feel bad about calling him out. He will tell me i am crazy or i should see a therapist. I mean i am about to dump him iam so upset. Help.


----------



## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

Does he do this same behavior (gaslighting) with other things as well?


----------



## Yellowbuttercup (Feb 4, 2021)

No he does not. He is Actually a great guy. Very thoughtful and sweet husband otherwise.
I just dont know what to do because i cant live like this much longer. He suggest we go to Counseling, 
but how would that help if he wont even admit it.


----------



## So Married (Dec 18, 2020)

Welcome. I wish you were here under better circumstances.

What I'm picking up from this is that he really thinks you guys need counseling. He keeps mentioning it, so it appears that there may be another issue (or more than one). His acting out may be a cry for help?

He is also probably embarrassed. Most men are far more sensitive than we know. He may feel shame over use of the toy. Shame will keep him on the defensive (that's no excuse for lying, gaslighting, other bad behavior... just saying, it will be hard to have any sort of productive discussion that way).

I hope you can get things sorted out.


----------



## Trident (May 23, 2018)

He knows that you know, and he knows that you know that he knows that you know. 

So let it go.


----------



## CatholicDad (Oct 30, 2017)

He’s ashamed of himself and for good reason. He can’t exercise restraint and is robbing your marriage. I think this is like the ultimate lazy, immoral, gross, and selfish act so I guess I see why he won’t admit to it.

Can’t you find the device and show it to him.. bring some light on his little dark secret?

He must be seriously into internet porn too I’m afraid which is another huge can of worms for men.


----------

