# my story is different...pt 2



## amyw46 (Jun 21, 2012)

Hi everyone...its amazing all the changes Ive seen just since I first posted about my situation yesterday. The guilt I cant shake about the loss of my husband..I mentioned that he took a new job, 5 hours away from me and kids..well, Ive been thinking alot about this(I hate having so much time to think!) and i would love to run something by all of you...

Yesterday I needed to speak to him about a family issue, called and was sent to VM. Texted that i needed to SPEAK to him, and he did call back. He mentioned that he was filling out job apps, that the job he SPECIFICALLY moved all the way down there for may not happen now..What???Im thinking, now he's in a random city with no job? Just doesnt make sense...He started to get very agitated with our conversation, defensive. We hung up.

I texted that I was just trying to understand for the kids sake-that is why they think he moved away after all. Seems like a logical thing to want to know in my opinion. He said that we are now divorced and his life in no longer my concern, the only thing between us is the kids, and that will never change. Ouch.

Remember i mentioned the person he is "talking to", that he met a week after being there? well, this is what i am now wondering about. In a moment of clarity, I wonder if he was already talking to her before he left. I had seen a text (right before he dropped the bomb no less) but i honestly dont remember what it said I saw it for just a split second. But it seemed OFF. He said someone told him of this job.. who? Maybe her. Maybe he went there to be with her. When he went to apply for this job, he was there a few days, said he was staying with someone who worked there, but was evasive I gotta say. And then he miraculously meets someone down there after a week? This is so hard for me to accept because it would be SO out of character for him. Just not his way. But he does seem such a different person now. I guess I am responsible for all this, but it does still hurt like hell. and I could be totally wrong. I did send him an email explaining what i thought, not angry just talking. He never responded. Not sure if that was an admission or not...this just all sux...not what i wanted for my life.


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## Traggy (Jan 26, 2012)

When we neglect someone they build up a ton of resentment and anger.

You pushed him away all of these years. I am basing this all from what you wrote. Does it really matter if he met someone else before he left home? Does it change the situation that you are in now?

Try not to dwell on things where the answer doesn't change your situation in the least. There is nothing to process besides more confusion and regret. It does not help you heal in any shape or form. 

You said that this was not what you wanted for your life, but from what I gathered earlier he wasn't really what you wanted for your life either. The only reason you are wanting him now is because he doesn't want to be with you anymore and you are seeking validation through him because he has rejected you. 

Neglect is a terrible way to live. It sucks the life right out of you. He is allowed to find someone that loves him the way he needs/wants to be loved. 

You pushed him away, you been doing it for a long long while, but now that you have successfully done it you think that it isn't what you wanted.

He made the choice to leave and he is moving on. Sorry it took losing him to make you realize what you had. It is a tuff lesson, but remember, I am basing my opinion off of what you have posted here. Sorry if this is rash, but not sure what you are expecting. You pushed him away so he left.


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## amyw46 (Jun 21, 2012)

Yes it is a very tough lesson. One that i dont think Ill ever get over. I have so many regrets-I just dont see how I will ever get over them, and what I allowed to happen to our family..


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## Acorn (Dec 16, 2010)

Based on your story, your H was starving for affection for many years. It is possible, even probable, that he will find someone quickly, if he already hasn't.

Thing is, does it really matter? He's been planning on leaving for quite a while, and he even stayed a bit longer at your request.

The standard course of action recommended here for affairs would be for you to do a 180, stop pushing him away, and improve yourself. The idea is, he'll miss you and want to come back. But if he really was as miserable as you make him out to be, would he really want to come back anyway? And assuming he doesn't, is it really worth worrying about?

Worry about you. It sounds like your eyes are open for the first time in a long long time - focus on that and yourself and let him do what he needs to do.


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## jh52 (Apr 29, 2012)

AMY -- if you are divorced == you have to move on. Get some IC as to why/how you contributed to your marriage failing -- and learn from that -- and become a better person so that the next time around -- you are happy -- and can contribute to a happy, healthy relationship.

Only you yourself can make you happy -- don't rely on anything or anyone. Only when you are happy -- should you enter into another relationship.

Good luck !!


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## MyselfAgain (Apr 21, 2012)

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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