# Disappointed and feeling stuck



## beautygirl1881 (Aug 18, 2013)

I've been married for 10 years and I really want a divorce. I have no feelings other than annoyance, disappointment and anger for my husband anymore. I feel like I've been trying to fix us forever and nothing has changed. I almost divorced him at the beginning of 2009 but then found out I was pregnant with our one and only son Connor. I feel like Connor is the one and only good thing to come of our marriage. All we ever do is fight, we havent had sex in over 6 months. We have had multiple violent fights and I've even had to call the cops on him a few times. We seem to bring out the worst in eachother and I can't take it anymore. I'm miserable and stressed. The final straw has been him losing his job for the 4th time in our 10 year marriage. I had stayed home with our son since he was born and worked as a freelance makeup artist to bring in extra money for the last 3 years. He's been unemployed now for the last 4 months and has barely made any effort to find a new job. As a matter of fact, I've had to not only LOOK for jobs for him to apply for, I've written every cover letter and filled out every online application for him. When that didnt work, I had to give up my dream and get a "real" full time job because we were on the verge of getting evicted every month. It is only thanks to my wonderful friends constantly lending us the money that we didn't. (He doesnt qualify for unemployment benefits because he was fired for misconduct from last job) I tried giving him an ultimatum that if he didnt get a job in a month of me starting my new job, which by the way took me less than 2 weeks to find, that he'd have to move out and in with his mother. He let 3 WEEKS go by before he applied for anything. I'd ask every single day and yell and cry but he didnt seem to ever care. We had our last huge fight a few weeks ago where he put me in a chokehold and i called the cops because I had warned him if he EVER touched me like that again i would. I didnt press charges though, which probably was a mistake, but I hadn't actually felt like my life was in danger. He then tried to lock me out of our apartment claiming he had the right to because it's HIS name on the lease (technically it's both of ours) and I had to call the same cop BACK to make him let me back in. The ONLY reason he is still here is because I can't afford a babysitter and he would just be back here everyday to "babysit" our son while I'm at work. I have looked into a mediator to get a legal separation but I can't afford that either. I don't know what to do anymore but I'm sooo unhappy  Oh and by the way, he's 40 yrs old and I'm 32. Also, we have tried marriage counseling but he really doesnt want to go and makes it very obvious. He says I'm the one who ruined the marriage because I knew this was how he was when I married him (lazy and unmotivated). That is true but I've grown up and changed in the last 10 years, I obviously expected he would as well but he hasnt.


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