# Wife has a boyfriend but can't see the problem



## ccd

This is going to be a pretty random brain dump but here goes.

My wife has always told me she was very happy in our 20 year old relationship although like all marriages, it has had its ups and downs. We'd got to a point where we figured we could weather anything now.

We have a ten year old son (hard work as he has ADHD), a house we all like and led a contented if not exciting life. Our one problem was that we never had much options in the way of baby sitting so we never went out on our own for the first 8 years or so of his life and barely went out individually.

A year or so ago she told me she loved me but wasn't in love with me and that she no longer found me sexually attractive. Around the same time she said she had met someone online and wanted to start a relationship with them. I was devastated. She then got extremely angry with me saying I was in no position to complain as our wedding vows had nothing about 'forsaking all others' (we'd left that bit out as we both felt that if either made a mistake e.g. getting drunk at an office party and getting carried away, it wasn't neccessarily a show stopper for us). I took that as an acceptence a one night stand might happen, she apparantly has spent the last 15 years thinking it meant we had an open relationship. She was angry that to her, she'd long since 'released me' to have other partners even though I had no interest in such a thing.

In the next few weeks I lost a ton of weight, work suffered and I generally went to pieces. Eventually she finished the relationship as it was impacting me so badly. However, within days she started up with someone else who 'helped her through the pain and loss of the first one'. She's still with him now and the other guy has now left his wife and moved into a flat near us. To be fair, his marriage was already on the rocks so that would have happened anyway I suspect.

For the first few months, my wife acted frankly nuts, telling me I was being unreasonable, saying you only have one life so why shouldn't she enjoy it etc. In many ways a classic mid life crisis as she was just coming up on 40. I have ended up living on various pills to cope with the stress and physical impact of it all and am seeing a therapist to keep me sane. My wife then said she didn't want to ever have sex with me again as it felt like she was being unfaithful to her lover(!) although she gets angry at me saying we should thus sleep in different beds. It tears me apart as she quite happily gets undressed in front of me, asks me to wash her back in the bath etc, really rubbing in what I've lost.

She sees her boyfriend on average 1-2 evenings (until 2am) and a whole day each weekend. Recently as he was moving in, she was at his place for days at a time. She also goes to various festivals/shows for long weekends (they share an obsession with a particular vehicle). When she is at home, she alternates between being quite nice or really difficult and angry at me over trivia. She now says she came to feel there was something missing in her life even though on paper it's perfect and she's been trying to fill the void. She says she hopes she gets over it and we return to where we were.

Right now, our garage is full of her boyfriends stuff (his flat isn't big enough for it all), his washing is hanging on our line and she's up late most nights working on his divorce papers etc as he's so inept at managing his own affairs. 

On the basis of the above, pretty much everyone I know says she's taking huge advantage of me, using me and I'm an idiot to put up with it and I should divorce her. Difficult to disagree on paper.

Trouble is, I don't want to be the one to break up the home. I'm nearly fifty so could never buy anywhere else, starting from scratch so would be renting for the rest of my life. I don't want to ruin my son's life. (He knows all about what's going on though already). Worse still, despite all the pain, hurt and selfish behaviour, I am still deeply in love with her, probably the point of being taken advantage of. If she stopped it all tomorrow, I would and could forgive her. 

However, that said, I now barely recognise the person I married. How can she knowingly hurt me so much whilst saying she loves me? I can't live with the uncertainty but she thinks it's all fine with lines like 'I'm here most of the time, what are you worrying about?'. She's also complaining about my lack of DIY around the house. I earn enough to pay others to do that but in practice, every time I get some money, she has something happen to swallow it all - a £1500 car repair or something. She just seems so narcisistic and full of self entitlement which was never there before.

She says she doesn't understand why she feels like this, just that she does and she wishes she didn't. She did start therapy for a while with me but stopped as she didn't want me telling people things she'd said in the sessions. That's another thing that's hard, she gets angry (that word again) if I talk to friends or family about our situation but frankly, some days I'm almost suicidal so need to vent a bit.

So...

Hope she comes to her senses or throw in the towel? If it wasn't for our son, I'd be gone, I know that much. This is an abusive relationship in my view and she's being selfish and uncaring yet my love for her is so strong, I find the idea of finishing it too horrible to contemplate in case she gets over this madness. 

On the plus points, she always asks to hold my hand when we are walking, complains if I don't cuddle her in bed and makes long term plans 1-2 years in the future involving me. I just can't get my head around it all.


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## ccd

Think maybe I need to think about the 180, having now read up on it. I suspect that that might push her away though. She alternates between the above and panicky text messages saying 'am I going off her?' but if I play it cool, that tends to push her away (unless I'm doing it wrong)


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## Entropy3000

> On the basis of the above, pretty much everyone I know says she's taking huge advantage of me, using me and I'm an idiot to put up with it and I should divorce her.


You think!? How much worse could it get? I suppose they could force you to watch her banging him and ask you to fellate him. 

Your garage is full of his stuff? Your clotheline has his clothes. I am wondering why he does not kick you out of his house. Not sure why he lets his woman over at your place at all.

I am thinking you do not intimidate him.

I am hoping this is not real and it is just some guy writing out his cuckold fantasy. I am afraid this could actually be real.

Very very sad.


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## ccd

Entropy3000 said:


> You think!? How much worse could it get? I suppose they could force you to watch her banging him and ask you to fellate him.
> 
> Your garage is full of his stuff? Your clotheline has his clothes. I am wondering why he does not kick you out of his house. Not sure why he lets his woman over at your place at all.
> 
> I am thinking you do not intimidate him.


Possibly but I don't think so. I've met him a few times back when they were 'just friends' and one time I did lose it and he certainly couldn't get out the house quick enough (and wife told me off for being nasty to him, bless)



Entropy3000 said:


> I am hoping this is not real and it is just some guy writing out his cuckold fantasy. I am afraid this could actually be real.


I think I can safely say, if someone gets off on this sort of thing they really need help. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy.


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## keko

ccd said:


> *On the plus points, she always asks to hold my hand when we are walking, complains if I don't cuddle her in bed and makes long term plans 1-2 years in the future involving me*.


WOW!!!

She is regulalrly screwing another man and you holding her hand is a plus point? 

Divorce her, like yesterday.


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## Kasus

Unfortunately you overlooking this in your vows and then actually let this happen for as long as it has was a big mistake. It will be harder to kick the habit out of your wife.

You need to decide for yourself what you want and dish out the ultimatum with your wife. To me it seems like divorce is the only option right now if you want a monogomous relationship considering you have enabled this to happen for some time already and does not technically constitute as an "affair".

I would still make one last ditch attempt to re-build new boundaries in your marriage if your intention is to keep her, and do not take divorce off the table.


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## PBear

Your wife is treating you this way because there's no reason for her not to. By you going along with this behavior, you're condoning and accepting it. You're also teaching your child that this is an acceptable marital relationship. 

If you don't like the situation, it's up to you to change it.

My GF says to grow a vagina, or get a GF for yourself. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## maggot brain

He's banging your wife on the regular and his drawers are hanging up in your garage? I believe the two of them have correctly assessed they can pretty much do whatever they want to do without resistance.


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## Entropy3000

ccd said:


> Possibly but I don't think so. I've met him a few times back when they were 'just friends' and one time I did lose it and he certainly couldn't get out the house quick enough (and wife told me off for being nasty to him, bless)
> 
> 
> I think I can safely say, if someone gets off on this sort of thing they really need help. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy.


This is a cuckold lifestyle. So there is a whole cult of guys who want this.

It is hard to believe you would have let this go this far. Unexplainable really.

Dude, you do not itimidate him. He owns your wife. His stuff is in your garage. You don;t dare touch it do you? His laundry is on your line. You don't dare touch it do you? Again I have no idea while you put up with her having the "friend" to begin with. Especially after she had a PA before that. But now they are just both in your face. If you have children they see this. You son looks to you for guidance on what it is to be a man. At this rate he will be looking to the OM as his role model. Can you just kinda get a little mad at this? Can you just stand up and stop this. No I would not take her back evene if she turend it all around. What kind of a woman does this to any man? So if you will not do this for youself, do it for your kids. The onlt mistakes I have seen you make is allow this to happen.

Whether he ran away from you or not he is dominating you by taking your wife from you. She is his slave.

It is never too late to get your self respect. It is probably too late to save your marriage. At least in a healthy way. Cut this stuff out of your life.


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## calvin

Good God man,I dont think you'll ever grow a pair, so see if you can rent em.Good luck,you need it and then some
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Shaggy

You're a cuckold.

Stop being one. Cut off her money, and divorce her cheating worthless butt.

Why would she want to be with you when you tolerate being another mans woman? When she would be cheating on him if she was with you?

Seriously - I hope you are a troll, because you can't be real.

If you are real - cut off her money, call a junk man and have all his stuff in your garage sent to trash heap, and file for divorce. You don't leave btw - your cheating wife does.

Wow.


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## Gabriel

Let's call it. Time of Troll, 3:10PM, April 2nd.


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## bandit.45

Gabriel said:


> Let's call it. Time of Troll, 3:10PM, April 2nd.


Give him one more day.


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## PBear

If you want to give advice and help, go ahead and do so. If you don't want to contribute to a given thread, feel free to without your wisdom. Accusations of trolldom help no-one.

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## synthetic

ccd,

I tried for a few minutes to imagine myself in your situation and suddenly I realized I'm holding my prick with my left hand and making a hard sweaty fist with my right hand. Not sure where it was going to end but I had to get up and look at my wedding pictures on the wall to come back to sanity!

WTF man? Are you serious?


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## ccd

Thanks for your thoughts. When a situation like this develops over time, it happens in small steps and each one seems 'not too bad' compared to what has gone before and then a year in, here I am. It's only seeing other people's reactions that really cements how messed up it is. 

Someone commented about how this looks to my son and that really struck a chord. Yesterday, my wife asked if I was OK and I let rip and said if his stuff wasn't all out the house by the end of the day I'd throw what was left in the street. She pointed out I had no right to do that as she wanted it here (legally, alas true) but did grudgingly move it all out to her van. I also said I'd had enough, said about the damage to our son of seeing me as a role model taking all this etc and that we were through.

Last night I slept on the sofa, looks like that's my bed until we get new places to sleep. Yep, I know, why me and not her.

She still doesn't get it, can't see my problem, says we're just the same as we ever were and tried to put the blame on me for things I did/said 15-20 years ago. No, don't think so.

I would add that with her around and my son (who has not yet been told), I can't easily get to my PC to check for updates, hence no response for a couple of days. Privacy isn't something I have.

OK, so where am I? Do I feel better? Hell no, I feel dreadful. She's managed to make me feel as if the split is purely down to me and nothing she has done is wrong. Keeps saying I used to be into open relationships so why the change (I never was, she won't accept that). Heck, even if I was into them, I'd expect to be on an even footing at least, not the guy that pays the bills compared to the guy that is up to his eyeballs in debt, useless but somehow pushes her buttons. Yep, nice guys do finish last it seems.


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## ccd

Oh, forgot to add, she sees her relationship with the other guy as 'just someone helping a friend, you'd help your friends wouldn't you?'. I pointed out I don't sleep with them or have feelings for them, no real response. She actually seems to see virtue in what she's doing and that I'm being old fashioned/square in not wanting to help her help him. She also complained about me not wanting to go to show with her a few years ago and that I wouldn't go to a music festivals with her - the fact the the ones she mentioned are famous for being cold/wet/muddy affairs was neither here nor there. As soon as she found a decent one at a decent time of year, I went - two in fact last year. I just don't get this thing that I am expected to want to support her in *all* her interests but she's not at al interested in mine. Rambling again...


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## ccd

Sorry, final thought. I don't want to break up the home for my son's sake. Various friends have suggested, why don't we just stay living together but give up any pretentions of being married and just be friends. Thoughts?


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## warlock07

This has to be one of the most frustrating posts on this sites. Literally, she has you by your balls. She totally castrated you of any dignity and decency. The in-house agreement is a always a bad idea. Divorces are happening a lot these days/. If you do it the right way, your son will come out of it fine. In fact, his position is far worse now. I would have been ashamed if my father was treated as bad as you. You self esteem is so damaged that you don't even realize it. 

Detach from this woman. She is your enemy. Read about the 180. Start the filing process.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby

OMG leave her and start the divorce proceedings. Don't tell her beforehand. Make sure she gets her and her bf's crap out of your house immediately!

There are plenty of nice single women at 50. My husband is nearly 50 and he is far from being old.


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## morituri

ccd said:


> Sorry, final thought. I don't want to break up the home for my son's sake. Various friends have suggested, why don't we just stay living together but give up any pretentions of being married and just be friends. Thoughts?


You're delusional. What makes you think that she won't divorce you if one day she finds a guy willing to support her in a higher lifestyle than the one she already has with you? She's already proven that she is capable of betraying you in such a open and brazen manner.

And stop using your son as the primary excuse for not divorcing her, for as the others have already pointed out, you are harming him by implanting a pattern of an unhealthy relationship dynamic with a woman. Many times when children reach adulthood, they pattern their committed relationships by what they saw in their parents. Also, have you thought that such a selfish woman is a poor mother and if divorced that there is a high probability that she will opt to dump the boy over to you because he will be cramping her lifestyle?

As an old saying goes "Pain is inevitable, misery is optional".


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## Gabriel

I still don't believe this is real....but on the off chance it is, you are getting good advice here. Listen to them. This is off the charts abusive to you. Sounds like you've gotten wise and told her off, but only because people here told you to. Time to get some self-respect. NOBODY lives like this unless they are mentally or emotionally abused.


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## cabin fever

i would p i s s all over his stuff, then file for divorce, take a chit in her van, and tell her to have a nice day. Seriously!


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## In_The_Wind

Why are you putting up with this ?? I would force your spouse to leave as she has broken your marriage covenant and at the same time i would file marriage is meant for 2 people not 3 or more their are plenty of other decent women out their who would love to find a nice guy i would not put up with this one more day ever 

good Luck


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## Traggy

I am praying for you my friend. This is unbelievable.


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## synthetic

WOW again! Really! WOW!

I really hope you realize the rage behind those WOWs I typed.

I rarely encourage this but you need to pull your wife aside and calmly say:

"Listen b*tch, consider my presence in your life a reward for all the good you *might* have done. The rewarding period is now over. Time for you to face life as the evil c*nt that you really are all by yourself and your trashy boyfriend. Enjoy the shaft. It's now out of my a$$ and is going to go up yours for a looooooong time."


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## bandit.45

If someone has not already done so, please post the 180 link for this guy.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ccd

Well, his stuff is gone, she's over there now dropping it off. She has again been saying she loves me just the same as she ever has but that she just doesn't find me physically attractive anymore. A bit of background...

My g/f before the wife was very experimental/kinky in bed and my wife knew that but isn't into anything like that so for years has been building a feeling that she's not good enough for me. When we first met, I did try to encourage her to try stuff but she wasn't interested. Since then, I've been quite happy with what we did. She, however has slowly been building a huge grudge, feeling useless and inadequate in bed and nothing I could say or do would convince her otherwise. Now this other guy has come along who 'wants her to be just the way she is' and she feels sexually good with him. No matter how much I try and convince her she does it for me, she says the damage is done and the resentment has killed any sexual feelings she has for me. We also had trouble conceiving a child which meant years of sex to order which kills things too.

Thus, she says I'm her soulmate, best friend and she loves me like a brother but has no interest in sex with me, ever. I haven't broached therapy in that area as I doubt she'd go for it - she has huge issues about anyone knowing anything about her life. Extremely private, even if its a professional and could help.

During our discussions today, she did say that she might dump the other guy but if she did, it still wouldn't mean she'd want to have sex with me. That's a closed door. Oddly, she says I'm attractive, not not in that way to her because of what happened before.

I'm pretty miffed that I'm being put through this partly because of something I might have said or done 20 years ago and am being judged for who I was, not who I have been for some considerable time. As I pointed out to her, if it were the other way round, she'd be in trouble as some of the things she's said and done over the years have been pretty messed up but I tend to forgive or at least see the other person's POV but she doesn't seem willing/able to do the same for me.


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## ccd

bandit.45 said:


> If someone has not already done so, please post the 180 link for this guy.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Got it already, thanks. Starting to put it into practice.


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## ccd

Also, her bf is panicking and convinced she's about to dump him. He reckons I've timed it deliberately to kick her while she's down as she got made redundant last week (well, yes, bad timing) but she just asked the wrong question at the wrong time and got told something that was working itself to the surface anyway, she just got it quicker.


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## Beowulf

Sign her up for a subscription to Cougar Life and you go find yourself a nice 30 year old woman that will make you happy.


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## Entropy3000

ccd said:


> Thanks for your thoughts. *When a situation like this develops over time, it happens in small steps and each one seems 'not too bad' compared to what has gone before and then a year in, here I am.* It's only seeing other people's reactions that really cements how messed up it is.
> 
> Someone commented about how this looks to my son and that really struck a chord. Yesterday, my wife asked if I was OK and I let rip and said if his stuff wasn't all out the house by the end of the day I'd throw what was left in the street. She pointed out I had no right to do that as she wanted it here (legally, alas true) but did grudgingly move it all out to her van. I also said I'd had enough, said about the damage to our son of seeing me as a role model taking all this etc and that we were through.
> 
> Last night I slept on the sofa, looks like that's my bed until we get new places to sleep. Yep, I know, why me and not her.
> 
> She still doesn't get it, can't see my problem, says we're just the same as we ever were and tried to put the blame on me for things I did/said 15-20 years ago. No, don't think so.
> 
> I would add that with her around and my son (who has not yet been told), I can't easily get to my PC to check for updates, hence no response for a couple of days. Privacy isn't something I have.
> 
> OK, so where am I? Do I feel better? Hell no, I feel dreadful. She's managed to make me feel as if the split is purely down to me and nothing she has done is wrong. Keeps saying I used to be into open relationships so why the change (I never was, she won't accept that). Heck, even if I was into them, I'd expect to be on an even footing at least, not the guy that pays the bills compared to the guy that is up to his eyeballs in debt, useless but somehow pushes her buttons. Yep, nice guys do finish last it seems.


I know I keep hitting on boundaries but the bold above is a reason to have good boundaries. Most times it is about eroding away our resistance to things. By setting a firm boundary you are much less likely to fall prey here. Also realize that being a conflict avoider is also conducive to this slow eroding away of integrity.


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## Shaggy

Once again, why is she still allowed to live wth you? Boot her cheatng selfish toush into the butter where it belongs and start working on getting a little self respect back.

Seriously, you knw she's over having sex with him,why will you not use this to throw her clothes on the lawn and change the locks.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Shaggy

bandit.45 said:


> If someone has not already done so, please post the 180 link for this guy.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


He needs a spine and a lawyer, not the 180
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Schill

It wouldn't surprise me in the least that she actually quit her job so that you feel guilty to stick around longer for the sake of your son. 

I'd also venture to say that you probably also have ADD and she knows just how to manipulate you, as there are known "abusers" out there.

Drop her like a bad habbit and find yourself again, without her.


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## warlock07

ccd said:


> Well, his stuff is gone, she's over there now dropping it off. She has again been saying she loves me just the same as she ever has but that she just doesn't find me physically attractive anymore. A bit of background...
> 
> My g/f before the wife was very experimental/kinky in bed and my wife knew that but isn't into anything like that so for years has been building a feeling that she's not good enough for me. When we first met, I did try to encourage her to try stuff but she wasn't interested. Since then, I've been quite happy with what we did. She, however has slowly been building a huge grudge, feeling useless and inadequate in bed and nothing I could say or do would convince her otherwise. Now this other guy has come along who 'wants her to be just the way she is' and she feels sexually good with him. No matter how much I try and convince her she does it for me, she says the damage is done and the resentment has killed any sexual feelings she has for me. We also had trouble conceiving a child which meant years of sex to order which kills things too.
> 
> Thus, she says I'm her soulmate, best friend and she loves me like a brother but has no interest in sex with me, ever. I haven't broached therapy in that area as I doubt she'd go for it - she has huge issues about anyone knowing anything about her life. Extremely private, even if its a professional and could help.
> 
> During our discussions today, she did say that she might dump the other guy but if she did, it still wouldn't mean she'd want to have sex with me. That's a closed door. Oddly, she says I'm attractive, not not in that way to her because of what happened before.
> 
> I'm pretty miffed that I'm being put through this partly because of something I might have said or done 20 years ago and am being judged for who I was, not who I have been for some considerable time. As I pointed out to her, if it were the other way round, she'd be in trouble as some of the things she's said and done over the years have been pretty messed up but I tend to forgive or at least see the other person's POV but she doesn't seem willing/able to do the same for me.



Can you see what you did there? Excuses , excuses for her behavior.


If she is pretty sure that she is/will not attracted to you, isn't that a done deal? Or will you wait for the next bf she brings to your house?


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## synthetic

How do you even survive the torture of typing up the garbage she told you for us?

What is wrong with you dude? Are you trying to slowly kill yourself?

Throw her ass out NOW. I mean NOW. yeah, stop reading and go tell her to get the f*** out NOW.

Holy crap...ahhhh I'm pissed now.


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## morituri

Tell the OM to come to your house and pick her up. Be sure you thank him for taking out the trash.


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## cantmove

You keep bringing your sons wellfare into this and I agree with everyone else, you are both being horrible models for him. What kind of husband and father will be if this is what he grows up watching? Ask yourself this, What would you tell your son to do if he came to you and said this was what his wife was doing to him??

You'd tell him to throw that crazy, nacissistic bit*h out immediately!!


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## ccd

Shaggy said:


> Once again, why is she still allowed to live wth you? Boot her cheatng selfish toush into the butter where it belongs and start working on getting a little self respect back.
> 
> Seriously, you knw she's over having sex with him,why will you not use this to throw her clothes on the lawn and change the locks.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Unfortunately, in this country, you can't do that. I'd end up in court.


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## synthetic

ccd said:


> Unfortunately, in this country, you can't do that. I'd end up in court.


That's exactly where you should be right now sorting out your divorce proceedings.


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## TBT

She said she "might" dump the other guy?Aren't you the lucky one!!!


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## Speed

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## bandit.45

ccd said:


> Unfortunately, in this country, you can't do that. I'd end up in court.


C'mon ccd... get your butt in gear and start divorce proceedings. The witch has told you that she will no longer have sex with you and will go outside the marriage anytime she wants to fulfill her needs. This is brazen and evil.


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## Shaggy

ccd said:


> Unfortunately, in this country, you can't do that. I'd end up in court.


You also can't have a boyfriend and a husband and have the husband roll over and just live with her cheating.

But she has proven she can. So why are you worried? Come on, she is using you so much.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Cherry

ccd said:


> Unfortunately, in this country, you can't do that. I'd end up in court.


And that's where you should be right now 

No, but you can file for sole possession of the marital home and sole custody of your son due to her behavior, albeit temporary until things make there way through the divorce proceedings.

The judge looks out for the best interest of the child, and if your wife has blatantly carried on like this over the years, I would venture to say that's pretty strong that her behavior is not in your child's best interest.


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## steveblack

My wife and I moved to a new city. I had come down here first to get the place and get us settled. I was faithful when I came down and made sure to avoid the kinds of places (clubs) and people (those who I felt a spark from) in order to stay that way. When she came down we started doing activities and what not to meet people.

She ended up being very close to one guy but is "just friends" I end up at home with our child and work hard and study to become a professional to benefit our family. (in school and work). She has a lot of excuses, a lot of reasons why she needs to go out. She has become emotionally involved and is "emotionally" cheating. This guy is more or less her boyfriend. He is also married and here for work while _his wifeand his child are in another city. They text every day and talk openly to each other, they get close, hold hands, cuddle. If they haven't had sex, it probably isn't to far off. 

On the other hand she is still very jealous of me. Who I talk to and the very rare times I get out are scrutinized. Again I have been faithful. A person in this place will deny and cover up the truth because it is convenient for them. Do what I am doing, start your plan of what you will do to be free. Make it fair, but also finish your plan so that you won't run into the problem of not having the wherewithal to go through with it. Your worth more than that, I know I am._


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## TBT

So steveblack I guess by your post you just sit back and take this from your wife.To each his own I guess,but maybe you could at least shoot off an email to the other man's wife as she may want to know what her husband has been doing behind her back.Btw,the OP hasn't been on this thread for quite awhile.Take care.


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## steveblack

Did you not read my post? When you know that it is over, its over. What I am saying is that instead of going ballistic and running out of the house, put together a plan and follow through with it. Take care of everything you need to beforehand to make the break clean.


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## TBT

Understand and sorry if I offended you.It still would be right thing to do to inform OMW if she is in the dark about her unfaithful husband.


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## Thinkitthrough

ccd: In what country are you legally forced to keep your wife at home when she has all but left? Why don't you suggest to her that life would be easiier for her at his place. Then file. She has abandoned the family physically and can go find her mind, where ever it has gone. And stay 180. Generally speaking I am afraid of just about everything, but when my wife started casting about, I asked her to leave. If I cand find the balls to do it, any one can.


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## Keynes

God.... she has really crossed the line. How and why did you get to accept that?


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## Thinkitthrough

ccd: One of the tensions in my marriage was an ADHD son who needed treatments and medication to bring it in line, the ex was inot holistic stuff and body movement, which wasn't working. I have Asberger's Syndrome. Between the two of us, he and I. He got through High School went to University, married and has kids of his own. Was it tough, it was, but I have a great relationship with my son, his wife and my grand daughter. Staying in an abusive relationship with a difficult woman doesn' help the child at all. As to the wife, Stienbeck wrote briefly about a relationship like that and he said it only worked when one of the spouses could take advantage and the other didn't. When the second decides to get into it too, the first can't take it any more. I would guess its only a good thing to have two men when one of them is willing to stay home alone and work with the son.


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## moocow

It is so sad when only one person means the vows they took... I understand your deep love for her...

My parents got divorced due to my mother REPEATED affairs, but everytime one dumbo left her, she always came running back to dad... No matter how many times we told him to kick her to the curb, he loved her so much that he kept taking her back again... Just until she found her next one...

You will love her forever I am sure of that, but you need to walk away... I understand the technical side of your situation, but you need to look at things in a completely different light. So, you are 50... do you really want to spend the next 50 years living like this? All these things that we aquire in our lives, our homes, our cars, our furniture... they are all earthly things that mean nothing. If you have to rent a place then rent a place. You will be teaching your child ALOT more about self respect and value of life by respecting yourself, than by living in this ridiculous sordid soap opera...


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