# A little not over her



## capacity83 (Feb 13, 2011)

Hi people,

Dont know if you have read my post in the past but yeh. Some background info, im 27 and my ex wife is 22. She gave me the whole "i need space" "in love but not in love with you" speech early feb this year. Since then things had been an emotional rollercoaster. I was her first boyfriend/husband and we have a 4 year old child. Since then we had lots of arguements etc etc and finally ended the relationship with me walking out. She even told me she wouldnt regret it and that its over. 

Fast forward 4 months, i havent been talking to her for the past 3 months due to some earlier conflicts. I told her i'd wait for her just after we broke up but all she wanted was just friendship. Yes initially, i cried, begged and pleaded. Nothing worked. So i decided to do the 180. 

Since then, ive slept with a friend while drunk and am now in a relationship with a girl ive met recently (3 weeks). I know i shouldnt have moved on that quick but this girl i met is really nice. Problem is i dont have the same feelings and my feelings seem to never escalate. Its as if i couldnt love anyone else. Plus we never had much of a closure talk.

Ive bumped into her lately a few times at clubs. Last week, she was eyeing me out with a friend, as if two eyes were following me around all night. As soon as i updated my status on FB to in a relationship with this new girl, i saw her again a few days later coincidencely and she looked at me as if she was annoyed. 

Last ngiht i was at a mutual friends house, and he was on FB and i decided to check her status updates on FB through his (as i have removed her from FB). I havent done (stalk) this in months. Apparently from the posts by her close frens, she isnt happy. Sad perhaps. 

Well, at least to my gut feelings that she does miss me and still has feelings for me. And she isnt with anyone. I know its unfair of me to be in a relationship and thinking about my ex which i might end this relationship, not because i want to be with my ex, but i guess i havent gotten over her fully yet. Which would be unfair on the new gf. 

My question is should i ring her up for closure? or perhaps try to reconcile? I know for a fact she would not put down her pride and come talk to me because of her stubborness. Should i make the first move? or just wait for her to approach me which i dont see ever happening. I dont love her anymore (not to that extend) but i still have feelings for her. She was my life, my princess and my soulmate. I never mistreated her in that sense but i did have a bit of a gambling habit. In fact, i thought and most of my friends thought i treated her very well. Im not a bad looking guy and wont be much of a trouble finding another woman. I guess you could i say i dont believe in divorce. I hate the very aspect of it and would do anything to get my family back in one piece. But i guess this is all my gut feeling that she does have "Feelings" for me, not as if she told me. 

So do i ring her up for closure?
or do i try to pursue reconciliation? - slowly of course.


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## staircase (May 16, 2011)

You are all over the map here. I'm not sure you know what you want at all. I'd put the brakes on this girlfriend thing and figure out what, if anything, you want to do about your ex.


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## DelinquentGurl (Mar 25, 2011)

why are you dating someone else when you clearly are not over your wife? Your still married, correct? Do you think your being fair to your GF by dating her while loving someone else?

Dude...I hate to say this but your kind of acting a little bit like a douche. You changed your status on FB because you knew she would find out about it and get upset.

You may be 27 but you are acting like your 12.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## capacity83 (Feb 13, 2011)

DelinquentGurl said:


> why are you dating someone else when you clearly are not over your wife? Your still married, correct? Do you think your being fair to your GF by dating her while loving someone else?
> 
> Dude...I hate to say this but your kind of acting a little bit like a douche. You changed your status on FB because you knew she would find out about it and get upset.
> 
> ...


First of all, we didnt sign marriage papers. But we did have a wedding ceremony. And no i dont think its fair on my gf by loving someone else. In fact i would never want to do that. 

Please believe me when i say i went to hell and back for my ex. I did, tried everything i could. The ex even told me to date others to try and forget her. She said a lot of cruel things to me towards the end of the relationship and it hit me really hard. 

I changed my FB status becos my gf asked me why i didnt accept her relationship request. So i did thinking i was over my ex. I didnt realise i wasnt over her yet up until the last time i bumped into her a few days ago. And its still early in my relationship with my gf, and i want to do whats right and even if it means me being single, thats fine.


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## staircase (May 16, 2011)

You know you're getting old when:

You are consistently amazed at relationships taking place over Facebook.


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## DelinquentGurl (Mar 25, 2011)

If it's still early in your relationship with her then maybe you should end things before she gets more invested and gets hurt.

It usually does take a while to get over someone you love, and being single and working on yourself is probably the smart and healthiest thing for you to do. 

I wasn't trying to be mean, I just didn't have a way to sugar coat what I was going to say.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## brighterlight (Aug 13, 2009)

I agree with DG. Let the gf off the hook now; she will only end up.getting hurt the longer she is with you. Get yourself together; find closure in your status with your ex. Get grounded first. Is your 4 yr old with you or her? It sounds to me from your post that you don't have your child with you but I can't tell from your post. Spend as much time as you can with your child. I know it's hard if you still love her; but you can not force her to love u back. Work on your self improvement. Give yourself plenty of time to greive your loss and accept it so you can begin to heal your heart. It is not easy but you have to let go in order to open up your heart again.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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