# I'm so depressed please help :[



## heartbrokenwife (Aug 21, 2011)

I've been married to my husband for a year and 3 months and I've been with him for 5 years. 

To go into how we got to this place, I'll tell you what has happened over these past 5 years.

For the first 6 months of our relationship, it was the best relationship I'd ever had in my life. This man was and is amazing. We were inseperable and it was magical. We loved each other like I've never felt any love from anything else in my life.

His mother then passed away, and he went downhill from there. He didn't cry, and he didn't really do anything. But he went downhill, he couldn't keep a job, he started ignoring me, staying on the computer and looking at porn, lying to me. The man I fell in love with was a complete stranger to me. 

We fought many times about how the relationship went downhill, and how we could fix it. And each time, we re-kindled our love, but we still went through unhappy times. And I will admit, it has been a long road to forgiveness. And it's probably my unforgiving ways that has brought this down on me.

So, we go through our ups and downs of the relationship, sometimes being super high and sometimes being super low. I still loved him no matter what we were going through but I was slowly starting to feel really unhappy. 

We always talked about getting married, and we'd been engaged for 3 years now, so we finally decided to get married. We weren't going through the best of times when we got married, but we did it because we knew we loved each other.

So, fast forward to now. We have been married for 1 year and 3 months. We still were having our ups and downs, and I stupidly decided to tell him that I was very unhappy and didn't know what I wanted from our relationship anymore. 

He though long and hard about it, and he was hurt. And he realized that he didn't want this anymore. And now I'm devastated. 

I love this man more than anything, and now he doesn't even want to try to work this out anymore. I told him that I want to try harder than we've ever tried before, and he's being so cold and distant to me and even mean sometimes. He's never home anymore, and when he is home he's only home for a short while. When he is home, we talk about if we should try again or not, and he keeps saying he has to think about it, but he's pretty sure he doesn't want to try. I then in turn get so sad that I bawl my eyes out and that makes him want to leave. It's an endless circle, he wants to leave and that makes me cry more. If he'd just sit down and talk to me, I think I could get through this a lot better, but he leaves me alone all day and ignores me. He says he needs space, and I try to give it to him I really do, but I'm so so so so so sad and depressed. I can't think straight, all I want is him.

I'm doing this to myself I know, I dug this hole, but I love him so much and I'm so depressed right now that I've actually thought about suicide. I don't want to kill myself, but I've been crying, not eating, and not sleeping for 4 whole days now. I don't know what to do, he doesn't want to see a marriage counselor or anything, he said he's just done. He said he loves me as a friend and that I'm the perfect girl but he just doesn't feel that way about me anymore.

I don't even know if my letter is making any sense, I can't stop crying and my thoughts are all over the place and I just need someone to talk to. He has so many friends here that he can go talk to, but I have no friends here. I moved here with him, away from all my friends and family, and he's all I have here. So when he runs off, he leaves me without a car, and without anyone to talk to. I'm all alone in this house. I'm so sad. I need help I really really need help. I don't know what to do. I just ant things to work out and I'm sure he's set on things not working out. He said the only reason he's even thinking about trying again is because he feels sorry for me. That makes me so sad. So unbelievably sad. 

Please, anyone, I need help. I'm crying and I can't eat or sleep... and I feel like my insides are being ripped out.

Please ask if you need more information, I tried to get everything out but I probably didn't. :[


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## sprinter (Jul 25, 2011)

The obvious mistake was confronting him the way you did. I think you only say it that way when you're prepared for the worst, and you weren't.



> He said the only reason he's even thinking about trying again is because he feels sorry for me.


It is my belief, and there are studies that bear this out, that you can always find it again. Love is something you do. He said he doesn't love you anymore. Well then he probably should. It's easy to walk away when you don't "feel" the love anymore. But that love is only part of love as a whole. If we only love someone for how they make us feel, when the feeling is gone then our love is. We never had a deeper love that cannot be easily shaken.

You two need counseling. Even if he goes because he feels sorry for you once there it can make a difference.

That said, you talk about problems early in the relationship. And that they continued throughout. You should take some time to truly take stock in your relationship. You said what you said for a reason. You may think, "I really didn't want this" but you wanted things to change. Ask yourself if you had never said that would things get better or stay the same. Repairing your marriage will take commitment from you both and both have to be all in. It doesn't sound like you two have been all in from the beginning.


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## DelinquentGurl (Mar 25, 2011)

Ok first things first if you are truly feeling suicidal I would suggest calling 911. I know you are upset right now and it hurts, but suicide is such a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Think about your family and friends, how devastated they would all be. Probably forever. I promise you that this will get easier with time.

You need to stop chasing him. I know it's hard but you must. Do you want him to come back because he wants to or because you begged him? I am assuming it would be because he wanted to. Chasing him and crying and begging will not do you any good. 
Have you read Divorce Remedy by Michele Weiner-Davis? If not I'd suggest it. It was very helpful.

You have to know that you are your own person, and your husband does not complete you. You cannot base your happiness and self worth on your husband wanting to work on the marriage or not. You complete you.

I think counseling would be a good thing for you to do as well.

Seriously...call 911. Don't do something that could devastate the lives of the people who love you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## drsparkle (Aug 7, 2011)

First things first. Depression is an illness and it can be cured. It is not your fault. 

You must go and see a doctor your gp or family doctor and explain your feelings. They can give you medication in the short term to help with sleep and anxiety and in the long term to help your mood. 

You must not make any decisions about life changing things right now. Take time for yourself. You have to heal and get better to allow him to take you back. 

But right now he is not the issue, your health is. You must not be on your own reach out to friends and family.


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## sprinter (Jul 25, 2011)

i would agree if you're truly suicidal you need to get some help. I don't, however, think you're describing clinical depression. You're heartbroken. You don't need something like SSRI's to get through this. It might help to get something to help you sleep or to calm you but as someone who's been clinically depressed, you don't want or need that kind of treatment.

You're heartbroken and need time to reflect. I'd agree you have to be careful about making big decisions in this condition, as your emotions are off the chart. Now is a good time to step back and give yourself time to heal. I'd suggest cognitive therapy with or without your spouse. Less for the depression and more for you to find some sense of control.


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## heartbrokenwife (Aug 21, 2011)

Thank you guys for your time and words.

I really don't think I'm going to commit suicide but I have a hotline written down just incase. I am so heartbroken and it hurts so bad. I just want to fix everything but it's so hard when he doesn't even want to try again. Not even one more time. He said he's done trying and wants to move on. He even told me that he likes a girl he just met. I'm so devastated. :[


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## hesnothappy (Mar 5, 2011)

Can you go to your home and be around family and friends for support? Having a strong support system is a definite must when dealing with emotional issues. Talk talk talk to anyone who will listen that you trust and respect their advice or their absolute silence, since usually know one knows what is best for you...but you. Read read and learn that we are all so much alike it's scary. There is a person on this site who has or is going through just what you are dealing with. This is a great place to build up your esteem. Do not give up all your power to your H. Do not feel embarassed about the short duration of your marriage, I was only together with mine for 2 years, less when he left. I promise you things will get better and pretty quickly. Get on with your job, your responsiblities, familu and friends, movies, walks, drives anything to give your mind a break. The best to you, and never let suicide be an option.


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## sprinter (Jul 25, 2011)

Definitely find someone to talk to. You might consider a local minister or something. Just to get things out and have someone there. There's lots of help if you have few friends and can't turn to family.


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## LovesHerMan (Jul 28, 2011)

Heartbroken:

Good advice here. Take a look at this thread:

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/mens-clubhouse/21278-thermostat-ultimate-barometer-your-r.html

It sounds like you are the warmer of the 2, and you need to give him some space. He feels smothered, that you are too needy and clingy. Try to develop your own interests, and that will give you the confidence that you need to be a good partner to him.

He will notice your new independence, and that will make you attractive to him again.


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## Girlx (Aug 19, 2011)

I just want to say that I know where you are coming front. I lost 10 lbs after I found out my H was having an affair and then wanted nothing to do with me. 2 weeks after I found out he left the house. I was devistated and I still am. 

I've been writing a blog getting my feelings out and not holding them in. I know holding in my feelings would make me feel even worse. 

I think you should do things for yourself. Go get a pedi or a massage. Try yoga which will help promote relax and calmness. Help clear your mind. 

You need to work on your and fix yourself. You cant fix your relationship before you are fixed. Thats the only way you can help your relationship with your H. Cause if you fix the relationship and not yourself. You will still have issues. 

Its not easy and it may not be an easy road. But who said love or life was easy? Yes it hurts, Yes it will hurt and yes you will live through this.

Not sure if you are religious or not. But im not VERY religious but I do believe that we wouldnt be given something we cant handle. You can handle this. It will make you a stronger person. 

Keep your chin up, Put a smile on your face and do something for yourself! 

((Hugs))


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