# Need a man's advice



## gabejoel (Jul 8, 2009)

I have been happily married for 4 years now to actually a really good friend of mine! I will give a short version to this on going issue that we had and stiil disagree on.I am 12 years younger than my hubby and just wanting other opinion's on this matter.My hubby is not into showing affection, or romance ...or even able to compliment me.... sometimes he protray's himself to be uptight with me sexually. Now here is and has been the issue.He is very open about speaking, staring, and looking at other woman on the computer and in public.He was doing this everyday by any means neccessary, even at work.We have argued about it time and time again...it he say's it is competly normal and i am the one with the issue.He has since slowed down a bit in doing so,but say's that if i did not know he would still do it daily and thinks that it is unfair because he enjoys it...and is only just looking. I see it as a bit much...to find everthing female to be so beautiful and sexual. I dont find anything wrong with seeing other people attractive, but my god he acts like he has never seen another woman!I just need to know what can help this and is this my issue????


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

If it bothers you, it bothers you. He should be considerate of your feelings (and retrain himself). He's a boor.


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## marriagehelp12 (Apr 8, 2009)

He is in my opinion looking at other women in this situation because he knows he is unable to satisfy them emotionally and physically deep down so he tries to comp for his short comings as a person


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## gabejoel (Jul 8, 2009)

Thanks for the advice! We are trying to work through this but it has made me uncomfortable and it does hurt sometimes. I dont expect him to be like me...because i dont even notice men anymore since being with him.I know he is going to find other woman attractive, but i would just like him to think about the overkill! What has always baffled me the most about it is that i am so open minded about sex.I want him all the time and i go after what i want!He has never gone without sex, a blow job,or adventure from me.I am not a ***** either.I take care of him and our family and i do take care of myself as well. That is why it confuses me so much. I could see if i was cold and prudish,but i am soooo far from it!To him he is doing nothing but being a man...i just want him to see what it has done...from my point of view and giving him his own medcine will not work...he loves that other men want me!


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## TRADER1972 (Jul 18, 2009)

Do you dress sexy for him?
Does he have sexy photos of you to look at?
Have you made videos together?

These things should really satisfy most men.


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## khitan (Jul 23, 2009)

See if you can get him to try the Love Dare. Personally I had a problem with pornography until the Love Dare, and talking with my wife. That helped me understand that I was thinking about myself, not my wife. Then I realized I was really trying to fill a hole..... and there was really only one thing that would fill it.

We will keep you guys in my prayers.


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## elattoo (Jul 4, 2009)

khitan said:


> See if you can get him to try the Love Dare. Personally I had a problem with pornography until the Love Dare, and talking with my wife. That helped me understand that I was thinking about myself, not my wife. Then I realized I was really trying to fill a hole..... and there was really only one thing that would fill it.
> 
> We will keep you guys in my prayers.













Totally agree!! As dcrim said, if it bothers you he should stop.


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## MrMarriedman (Mar 4, 2009)

khitan said:


> See if you can get him to try the Love Dare. Personally I had a problem with pornography until the Love Dare, and talking with my wife. That helped me understand that I was thinking about myself, not my wife. Then I realized I was really trying to fill a hole..... and there was really only one thing that would fill it.
> 
> We will keep you guys in my prayers.


This is an amazing book. It really changed my life. The issue is that you will not be able to force your hubby into reading it. It has to be something he wants to do. That is the rub. At the beginning I wished my wife would read it but now, I don't care if she does because I love her for her. It's a choice I make every day when I wake up and close my eyes to go to sleep. 

Our partners are a lot a like. My wife is not very complimenting and is not very affectionate. I have a low self-esteem because of some things that my DW did in the past but I learnt that I needed to work on loving me for me and everything else in my life has changed. I stopped harassing her about not showing me enough affection, I started re-building my self-esteem and doing things for me. Now things are really starting to turn around in our relationship. Just some advice, you can take it or leave it. I would suggest however to read the ‘love dare’. It will change your life…I will guarantee it.


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## gabejoel (Jul 8, 2009)

I am so grateful for all the intelligent responses.I will definately look into the book idea...i love to read.Thank you for keeping us in your prayers as well. On another note, i have tons of naked pictures on our computer of myself and we have vid's that we made of ourselves and myself having a little fun. I do try to doll up, but he does not seem to care.What makes it so hard is he thinks that being that way and having that frame of mind is 100%NORMAL.Tells me that it has nothing to do with me and that i should be ok with it because it turns him on more for me...Are you listening to your own words...what is supposed to be ok with that.


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## jivey (Jun 18, 2009)

Start checking out other men while he is around. See how he likes that.
My wife doesn't bother me about it. But, when she would catch me. She would ask what I thought of the other women. Then I would confirm she is still the sexiest women i know.
I would also catch her checking out a guy and i would mention if he was good looking or something.

I would say its ok, But don't be inconsiderate about it


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## DeniseK (Jun 25, 2009)

Some people are just so darn pretty that it's hard not to notice....that seems normal....constantly staring is creepy...even to the other women....ewww.

I think that's funny...give him a dose of his own medecine. And oh heck no...it's not your issue. Perhaps you are just too hot yourself...how many men are staring at you? Take notice...bet there are a few.

hope you feel better.


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

i look at other women because i get zero attention from mine. that does not seem to be the case for you as you say you do alot to initiate and make sex better, i applaud you for that. i would do anything for my wife if she acted like you say you do.


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## gabejoel (Jul 8, 2009)

Your situation i can understand...because your not getting attention.It is not the looking that is bad, because looking is normal...it is just how you look.My hubby looks like he is a single man and comments on other women to me like i am one of the guys.I love that he is honest , but i dont think that looking like your still a bachelor is the norm...unless you are brutally neglected.


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## gabejoel (Jul 8, 2009)

I know my hubby is married and not dead or blind! He looks at women in public, computer, etc. like he is still a single man....that i dont find so normal when you are happy and satisfied. If i started to do the same with men,first of all he would not care because he would know that it is an act and second of all ...he is a cuckhold.


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