# Importance of intercourse to women



## charlie6 (May 30, 2016)

First, forgive the trespass. I am no longer married, but I have a question and I'm hoping some can help. it's a bit of a memory game to answer, but here goes:

I've recently been diagnosed with prostate cancer. The docs caught it early so I think the prognosis is good. That said, treatment is most likely going to involve removal of my prostate. Doc says he can "spare" the nerves that drive erections, but reconnecting and rehabilitating so that there is no permanent damage and everything functions as designed is going to be chancy at best. 

I just browsed a thread (in a talk about marriage site) where a similar question to mine was posed, and there were many/some responses to the effect that if there were medical reasons that made penetration impossible, that this wouldn't be an insurmountable problem. But this assumes a married couple, with an established history together to fall back on. So I ask the women here to go back in time to when you were single. You meet someone, and you click, everything clicks, and then I drop this on you: No Intercourse for You because of permanent nerve damage from the surgery. And you have nothing invested in us as yet. Everything else is good to go: oral, manual, toys, etc. Just no intercourse. So what happens then?

Or am I just done? That's my nightmare.

Again, please forgive the intrusion. Being recently divorced, I'm no longer part of this community.

Charlie Six


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## Lilac23 (Jul 9, 2015)

charlie6 said:


> First, forgive the trespass. I am no longer married, but I have a question and I'm hoping some can help. it's a bit of a memory game to answer, but here goes:
> 
> I've recently been diagnosed with prostate cancer. The docs caught it early so I think the prognosis is good. That said, treatment is most likely going to involve removal of my prostate. Doc says he can "spare" the nerves that drive erections, but reconnecting and rehabilitating so that there is no permanent damage and everything functions as designed is going to be chancy at best.
> 
> ...


My father had his removed several years ago and from the disgusting / inappropriate tales he shares, everything's still a go!


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

Bro, you only need one woman. The rest don't matter. Find her.


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## syhoybenden (Feb 21, 2013)

Get that damned thing out of you ASAP!

Then play the ball where it lies.

This, sadly, is a road that I have traveled. Trust me, intercourse is not off the table. There are things that can be done.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Charlie I'm so sorry for your situation...please ensure you take good care of yourself ok?

I'll be honest, I love sex with my beautiful husband and it doesn't feel like we've "made love" unless we have PIV. Something about the closeness, us joined together...I don't know...I just love it.

HOWEVER...

I can assure you that if he were in your shoes now, my love and desire for him would not change ONE BIT. I love him, I love being married to him and I will always be by his side, no matter what. The biggest threat to our marriage under those circumstances, and I've said this to him too, would be him pushing me away and treating me badly. There are lots of other ways to connect to your spouse, and we'd have lots of fun trying them out 

If I'd met him and been on a few dates and he told me the above circumstances, again, it wouldn't have phased me. I knew when I met him that he was a good man - he treated me like a princess. He swept me off my feet, courted me and I lapped it right up. I loved it  I promise you, it wouldn't have caused me to not pursue our relationship.


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## always_alone (Dec 11, 2012)

PIV is nice, but I actually prefer other things. It wouldn't be a deal-breaker, even in the early stages. I would be more focused on who you are as a person.


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

@charlie6, 

Your decision on whether to have your prostrate removed should be based on whether or not it'll improve your physical health. It should not be based on a variable that you can't control. See women are not all the same. They have individual sexual preferences, the combination of which is unique to them. Once your health is under control, you can focus on seeking a woman whose preferences match your abilities and desires.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

Charlie, sorry you're going through this. Prostate cancer, an aggressive form of it, runs in my family. I expect I'll have it before age 70, maybe even quite a bit before that.

Find the very best doc you can. Find the guy who your doc would go to. Get several referrals. There is absolutely a difference in skill levels and outcomes. With a good doc, your chances of full function are very good.

My uncle had his prostate removed and he has full function. There's no reason to expect the worst.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

What women don't understand is that it's very difficult for many men to even conceptualize they ARE aroused without an erection.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

charlie6 said:


> First, forgive the trespass. I am no longer married, but I have a question and I'm hoping some can help. it's a bit of a memory game to answer, but here goes:
> 
> I've recently been diagnosed with prostate cancer. The docs caught it early so I think the prognosis is good. That said, treatment is most likely going to involve removal of my prostate. Doc says he can "spare" the nerves that drive erections, but reconnecting and rehabilitating so that there is no permanent damage and everything functions as designed is going to be chancy at best.
> 
> ...



Charlie, I'm so sorry about what you're facing. It sounds like you are weighing treatment options and I wish you the best. I think you deserve to have really honest and complete answers so that you can make a good decision.

I'm 53, past menopause, married 30 years, and I love sex. If I was single and dating a man who clicked well in all other areas, I would give it a go to see if I could be content without his penis entering my vagina. I say it that way because I love penetration and have the best orgasms through penetration so penetration would be a must. My H and I do have some fun toys, including a fabulous vibrating dildo that also has a clit stimulator that also vibrates which I love and gives earth shattering orgasms. However, sex never feels complete to me until his penis has penetrated me. The toy is great but it is not body temp and I think that plays a key role in why it's just not the same. I don't know if that is a conditioned response that might be alterable or not.

Should your best treatment option preclude you from getting an erection, are you a candidate for a penile implant? I'm assuming you're roughly my age and I think women my age would be totally willing to work through any sex issues if everything else clicked.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Runs like Dog said:


> What women don't understand is that it's very difficult for many men to even conceptualize they ARE aroused without an erection.



That's how women feel all the time. We don't know we are aroused until we've built some experience with being aroused and can recognize our body's responses. 

So no, women absolutely understand the conceptulizarion needed to recognize arousal.


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## CH (May 18, 2010)

My father fell into the not good category. It most likely saved his life but it destroyed his libido by 100%. Too much damage to repair.

With surgery, there is always that risk. Nothing is 100% full proof with surgeries.


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## syhoybenden (Feb 21, 2013)

It is NOT the libido that is at risk with radical prostatectomy. It is the nerve trunk which controls the reflex governing engorgement with blood of the erectile tissue chambers in the penis.
This nerve trunk passes through the prostate ( sloppy engineering that ) and may be damaged during surgery or involved by the tumor necessitating partial removal. 

I know. It happened to me.

For years I could get horny but nothing, absolutely NOTHING would happen. Mr. Johnson would refuse to stand for God Save The Queen.

The first solution we tried was the injection. Stick a needle in ( youch ) and wait ten minutes and Bingo ... erection. Good enough for some guys, mostly those who had kind of wimpy boners before. Was not a good fit for me though. The erection is supposed to fade after an hour and does for most guys. My little fella though did not want to stand down. By the third hour it gets real painful. By the fourth hour you're supposed to go to the E.R. For me massive doses of pseudo-ephedrine, bags of frozen peas cradling my crotch and repetitive sets on my weights got him to give up after four hours or so.
After a month of trying ever smaller doses we gave up on the injection.

The real solution in my case was opting for the implant.
They core out the erectile tissue chambers in the penis and replace with a couple of 'balloons'. A reservoir of saline goes into your abdomen and a small pump-bulb/control goes into the scrotum, kind of like a third nut.
Hell of a painful recovery I must say, but it passes. It was well worth the trepidation and discomfort for I am now a functioning love-machine once more.

There is hope.


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## Tortdog (May 2, 2016)

An injection every time there was a desire to become erect?


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

syhoybenden said:


> The first solution we tried was the injection. Stick a needle in ( youch ) and wait ten minutes and Bingo ... erection. Good enough for some guys, mostly those who had kind of wimpy boners before. Was not a good fit for me though. The erection is supposed to fade after an hour and does for most guys. My little fella though did not want to stand down. By the third hour it gets real painful. By the fourth hour you're supposed to go to the E.R. For me massive doses of pseudo-ephedrine, bags of frozen peas cradling my crotch and repetitive sets on my weights got him to give up after four hours or so. After a month of trying ever smaller doses we gave up on the injection.


I don't blame you...I imagine that would be a further blow a man's "manhood" following on from the surgery and ensuing issues. I couldn't bear for my husband to go through that.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

syhoybenden said:


> It is NOT the libido that is at risk with radical prostatectomy. It is the nerve trunk which controls the reflex governing engorgement with blood of the erectile tissue chambers in the penis.
> This nerve trunk passes through the prostate ( sloppy engineering that ) and may be damaged during surgery or involved by the tumor necessitating partial removal.
> 
> I know. It happened to me.
> ...



On behalf of any woman you may encounter, thank you for your bravery and dedication to service!


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

Anon Pink said:


> On behalf of any woman you may encounter, thank you for your bravery and dedication to service!


:rofl:

Sent from my SM-N910V using Tapatalk


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