# 2 weeks until reconciliation?



## everafter (Mar 10, 2011)

That is the timetable. I am both eager, and full of apprehension. Afraid that we'll fall back into our old ways of poor communication. (And his passive aggressive acts, and dishonesty.) I think things are going swimmingly along, but when we last went to the mc, so many cans of worms were opened that I think I should open a bait shop! Sex had been the best ever, but last time, I could tell I felt too wary emotionally for it to be as pleasureable. Still, it was nice to be held afterward for awhile. I still believe I may make it to the reconciliation section of TAM someday.


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## vivea (Jan 22, 2011)

11 days till mine 
I'm very nervous ,at least you've seen him because I haven't really in 4-5 months.I don't count his visits to see the kids which for 5 months have been 3-4 times for about 2-3 hrs each....if even that.
All the communication has been over the phone.Reconciliation proposition from him was over the phone in the beginning of March and I haven't seen him since.
Conversations are very hard because we lost that special connection.i feel like I can get it back but I might feel it because I still love him ...I have no idea what HE feels about me...is he going to let me back in his world like he used to.
We haven't had sex so can't comment on that either.
We haven't talked about going to MC but I know he is up for it.He actually wants to do a marriage bootcamp in August .I really have high hopes for that one.We'll see.


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## DelinquentGurl (Mar 25, 2011)

I wish both of you the best of luck.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## everafter (Mar 10, 2011)

Yes. I'm beginning to understand that ending the physical separation isn't the same as reconciliation. I think it will be a long process. Frankly, there are some things I have grown to like about h. being out of the house, but I am excited by the prospect of his return.


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## sdesruiss (Mar 16, 2011)

vivea said:


> 11 days till mine
> I'm very nervous ,at least you've seen him because I haven't really in 4-5 months.I don't count his visits to see the kids which for 5 months have been 3-4 times for about 2-3 hrs each....if even that.
> All the communication has been over the phone.Reconciliation proposition from him was over the phone in the beginning of March and I haven't seen him since.
> Conversations are very hard because we lost that special connection.i feel like I can get it back but I might feel it because I still love him ...I have no idea what HE feels about me...is he going to let me back in his world like he used to.
> ...


Vivea, I am in a similar situation as you, except that I am the H. She doesn't come around very often, but seems to be showing signs that she wants to try. She says she does the best she can. She moved out about 6 months ago, married 18 years with no arguements or fights. I thought we were happy till she had a PA. Sorry, all that to say, that I am always trying and hope that I can reconcile with her some day. Our MC says not to put a "timeline" on when to move back in together. I was interested to know if you thought it is better to put a timetable on things? or just wait and "see" how you feel? Our MC says we will just know???


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## vivea (Jan 22, 2011)

sdesruiss..at one point I gave him a deadline...I just couldn't take it anymore ...needed to know. It might have not been the best thing to do BUT for my sanity I needed to do it. I either needed to start moving on or needed to know if we are going to get back together...this thing living in between is a true prison.
I took the risk and it did the trick. . The whole time since separation he was constantly saying that he is confused and he doesn't know.He did tell me 2 times that he is done,that he can feel it in his heart...only to write or call shortly after to tell me that he takes that back and he felt physically sick telling me that...so he did feel that it is not the right thing to do.

So Yeah for situations like mine when the other person is not sure and confused ...I think the best is to give them a deadline ...the best would be around 3 months ..the most would be 6 months but no more I would say.They should know by than. If they still don't know I say you move on and let them think all they want.


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## vivea (Jan 22, 2011)

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My W. doesn't know if she wants to be a mother to our two kids (14 & 16)
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so it's not about you it's about the kids ?!?!....she definitely needs to see someone...that is not normal. Why would she not want to be a mother now ...they are already teens, independent...what is so hard about it...she's done the hard work .
So she had an affair,does she still see him?
You must know by now that people like her find the most ridiculous excuses because of the shame of what they are doing and make it look like it's about something else...kids,husband... that way they are trying to justify their selfishness. So when she says it's about the kids...don't believe her. She just doesn't know what to say!


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