# Ex Wants to Celebrate my B-day with Kids and I



## nice777guy

Title says it all. She was thinking we could all go out sometime this weekend and have cake. She's been asking me what I want - so that she can buy something on behalf of the kids.

We (mostly) get along. It's a nice gesture. And the kids might get some comfort knowing that Mom and Dad are still friends.

But really - I just wanted to do a few basic things FOR myself and WITH my kids.

Is it reasonable to blow her off...???


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## GreenEyes

nice777guy said:


> Title says it all. She was thinking we could all go out sometime this weekend and have cake. She's been asking me what I want - so that she can buy something on behalf of the kids.
> 
> We (mostly) get along. It's a nice gesture. And the kids might get some comfort knowing that Mom and Dad are still friends.
> 
> But really - I just wanted to do a few basic things FOR myself and WITH my kids.
> 
> Is it reasonable to blow her off...???


Yes, you don't owe her anything....Now if it was something that you wanted to do, I don't see anything wrong with that either. My best friend told me once that she loved that fact that her parents, divorced, mom remarried, all still hung around each other, she said it made it better for her and her sister that her parents could still remain friends. I remember going to her house and her dad and step-dad would be sitting on the couch together watching a game or something. 

But it is YOUR birthday, happy birthday by the way, whenever it is  , and if you want to spend your birthday with your kids alone then you do just that and don't worry about what she wants.


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## Shoeguy

I agree with greeneyes. If you want to do something with your kids alone on your birthday then you should do that. I would politely thank her for the offer but tell her your plans.

I don't really agree with blowing her off though, but being open and straight forward about your plans and how they do not include her is acceptable.


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## Shaggy

Tell her thanks but you've got other things you want to do and other people you'd prefer to be with.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## notreadytoquit

Have a wonderful birthday and make sure you do what YOU want to do that day and spend it with SOMEONE that matters in your life


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## nice777guy

Went and got some Good cookies for breakfast tomorrow - taking the kids to dinner tomorrow night.

If my ex wants to get me a cake and take me (and the kids) to dinner some other night, I might just let her!


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## OldGirl

GreenEyes said:


> Yes, you don't owe her anything....Now if it was something that you wanted to do, I don't see anything wrong with that either. My best friend told me once that she loved that fact that her parents, divorced, mom remarried, all still hung around each other, she said it made it better for her and her sister that her parents could still remain friends. I remember going to her house and her dad and step-dad would be sitting on the couch together watching a game or something.
> 
> But it is YOUR birthday, happy birthday by the way, whenever it is  , and if you want to spend your birthday with your kids alone then you do just that and don't worry about what she wants.


:iagree: Happy Birthday.


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## madaboutlove

Wow, its my birthday tomorrow, my son is taking me out for my birthday, he is almost 25. I got a text today from the stbxh saying I know its early but happy birthday. Yikes, I mean after 30 years together, he knows its tomorrow. Weird enough to be having a birthday without him, this stuff just makes it worse. Either recognize my birthday as anyone would or let it go


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## nice777guy

madaboutlove said:


> Wow, its my birthday tomorrow, my son is taking me out for my birthday, he is almost 25. I got a text today from the stbxh saying I know its early but happy birthday. Yikes, I mean after 30 years together, he knows its tomorrow. Weird enough to be having a birthday without him, this stuff just makes it worse. Either recognize my birthday as anyone would or let it go


It is kind of strange - she's been part of my bday now for at least 20 of my almost 40 years!


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## madaboutlove

Update, the text arrived at 7AM, happy birthday NAME. It came. He must have been barely out of bed to send it that early. Thinking about me, that was nice.


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## sd212

Nice777guy:

I think your login name makes me relate to you. I have a similar situation although I'm early in the process. My STBX wants to be together all the time when its convenient for her. I'm trying to figure out what is right. Do I blow her off b/c she left me or do I keep things "amazing" for the kids sake.

The thing is, your heart probably wants to go with it b/c it feels right. Mine does. In the past 7 days my STBX has wanted to "hang out" 5 times. Argh! Of course my heart wants to b/c I still love her. What I learned here is that she is not doing squat for me but is absolving herself of her guilt for cheating.

I really think the right thing is to separate. It is your bday, celebrate it with your family. You and your kids. 

I'm starting to understand that, "hey, she's f'ing someone else" Once I get that through my thick skull, why on earth would I want to still celebrate MY bday w/ her?


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## GreenEyes

madaboutlove said:


> Wow, its my birthday tomorrow, my son is taking me out for my birthday, he is almost 25. I got a text today from the stbxh saying I know its early but happy birthday. Yikes, I mean after 30 years together, he knows its tomorrow. Weird enough to be having a birthday without him, this stuff just makes it worse. Either recognize my birthday as anyone would or let it go


Haaaappy Birthday!!!!! :birthday:


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## nice777guy

sd212 said:


> Nice777guy:
> 
> I think your login name makes me relate to you. I have a similar situation although I'm early in the process. My STBX wants to be together all the time when its convenient for her. I'm trying to figure out what is right. Do I blow her off b/c she left me or do I keep things "amazing" for the kids sake.
> 
> The thing is, your heart probably wants to go with it b/c it feels right. Mine does. In the past 7 days my STBX has wanted to "hang out" 5 times. Argh! Of course my heart wants to b/c I still love her. What I learned here is that she is not doing squat for me but is absolving herself of her guilt for cheating.
> 
> I really think the right thing is to separate. It is your bday, celebrate it with your family. You and your kids.
> 
> I'm starting to understand that, "hey, she's f'ing someone else" Once I get that through my thick skull, why on earth would I want to still celebrate MY bday w/ her?


Sorry to hear SD. 

My Ex's mood is very unpredictable. I don't miss her much - but it's hard for me to not accept a nice gesture - even though it's not something I care to do...

Went out with my girls and had a nice time! Co-workers even remembered me - despite things being a bit rough there right now.

Overall - I turned 40 - and seem to still be in one piece!!!


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## bandit.45

> The thing is, your heart probably wants to go with it b/c it feels right. Mine does. In the past 7 days my STBX has wanted to "hang out" 5 times. Argh! Of course my heart wants to b/c I still love her. What I learned here is that she is not doing squat for me but is absolving herself of her guilt for cheating.
> 
> I really think the right thing is to separate. It is your bday, celebrate it with your family. You and your kids.
> 
> I'm starting to understand that, "hey, she's f'ing someone else" Once I get that through my thick skull, why on earth would I want to still celebrate MY bday w/ her?



I wouldn't go out to eat with a wife who was openly cheating on me. In fact I would not accept anything from her period except maybe the kids's homework when she drops them off. 

You are waaaay to nice to this woman.


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## GreenEyes

nice777guy said:


> Sorry to hear SD.
> 
> My Ex's mood is very unpredictable. I don't miss her much - but it's hard for me to not accept a nice gesture - even though it's not something I care to do...
> 
> Went out with my girls and had a nice time! Co-workers even remembered me - despite things being a bit rough there right now.
> 
> Overall - I turned 40 - and seem to still be in one piece!!!


Is your birthday today???? If so Haaappy Birthday to you too  :birthday:


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## nice777guy

Just a followup...

Celebrated my B-day last week - Wed night - with my kids as planned. Had a pretty great day. Ex continued to be "nice" - and even act a bit "needy" for the rest of the week - hinting and suggesting that she'd like to do something with me and "for" the kids.

Well - Sunday came - and as usual - she just kind of became a different person.

Without going into any detail - let me just say I'm glad I didn't put my happiness back into her hands...


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## OldGirl

nice777guy said:


> Sorry to hear SD.
> 
> My Ex's mood is very unpredictable. I don't miss her much - but it's hard for me to not accept a nice gesture - even though it's not something I care to do...
> 
> Went out with my girls and had a nice time! Co-workers even remembered me - despite things being a bit rough there right now.
> 
> Overall - I turned 40 - and seem to still be in one piece!!!


40? That's just a kid in "guy years". Guys don't even start to get sexy till they hit 35. Glad you had a nice time with your girls


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## Mike188

My wife wants to have some kind of a close relationship and be best friends too. I can't deal with that. She has divorced friends, mostly her idiot insurance friends, that have these weird post-marriage relationships. If we had come to a mutual understanding that we both wanted something else and it was civil that would be one thing, but it was totally lopsided and the divorce was ugly for eight months until I finally wore her down and made her throw in the towel.

She seems deeply hurt because I won't be her best friend. I just can't do that knowing how she has behaved. I may never be her friend.


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