# advise feeling strange



## needymom (Sep 4, 2009)

Hello everyone. My husband and I are soon to be physically separated. We actually have been "separated" for many years but living in the same house. Now finally we are separating our finances etc. It has been a hard year our oldest son was diagnosed with a mental illness. Too make a long story short my husband also has mental illness. Always thought all these years he was just a hoarding drunk. LOL My husband refuses therapy and I am fed up with it all. My husband is in an online relationship and is very happy and is planning on going to see her when we finally get the house sold. I just changed careers and with a lot of hard work doing extremely well. Finally getting out and being social. I love it. I only mentioned to a few people that I am getting separated but you know how people are the word has spread. I am 46 years old and I don't want to honk my horn but I am really fun to be around. Now here is my problem. I went to a charity fund raiser last weekend. One of my ex bosses was there. He is 7 years younger than me. We are good friends and I supported him when he broke up with his wife. I never told him I had a horrible marriage but he heard it through the grape vine that I am separating from my husband. I am pretty sure he is flirting big time with me. I will admit there might be some attraction to him, but how do I know? Now for my other big problem, my office mate who is 16 years younger than me noticed this guy was hanging around me during the fundraiser. He tried to follow me everywhere. He even asked me to marry him?? I figured he had too much to drink. On Monday I opened our door to my office and there were dozen roses!! Say what?? I am not attracted to him at all and he is way too young. This past week has been weird with the flirting office mate. I told him I am way too old for him. He said he can’t stop thinking about me and thinks the other guy is totally wrong for me. Oh this is too weird for me!! I don’t even know what my question is? It has been 12 years since I had any sex. There I said it!!


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## ComicBookLady (Feb 28, 2012)

Hi there 

Some may say "Go for it, he's already cheating!" And some may say "No, you're a married woman still!" But I personally feel there's a middle ground depending on various things, so some questions for you!

1) Why separation and not divorce; Is there still hope for you and your husband then (doesn't sound like it as he's already in another relationship).

2) How would YOU feel going forward with relations with someone else when you're still technically married (don't pay attention to HIS actions, this is all about how _you would_ feel afterwards. Would you feel guilty, or okay?)

3) Are you looking for a fling, or a relationship? Are you mentally ready for the repercussions each would have during such a difficult time in your life (separating from husband)?


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## Calling All Angels (Jan 3, 2013)

Wow,12 years without sex. I thought 3 years was a long time, LOL! If you are about to be legally separated then it's a long time coming. Time to start thinking about dating! I can't imagine how fun that will be I'm 47 and getting ready to file for divorce. I don't even know any men. Enjoy this new feeling of men falling at your feet! And a marriage proposal already,LOL! I love your story, enjoy your new life, you deserve it


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## Lurking No More (Oct 20, 2012)

1: Get Out
2: Get Divorced
3: Get Over It All
4: Get On With Dating 

GET IT ?


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

You forgot one

5. Get Laid!


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## Tigger (Dec 5, 2007)

I would not get involved with people you work with but otherwise go ahead and start dating since you are separated.


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

:iagree:


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## Aunt Ava (Jan 24, 2013)

Advise the office mate that he is making you uncomfortable with his attention. Tell him you are flattered but it is inappropriate, and please stop. If it continues you may need to notify HR. 

As for the former boss, if you are attracted, then why not. Tread lightly, and don't rush into a physical relationship too soon.


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## 2ofus (Dec 25, 2012)

It's going to feel great after 12 years, enjoy it.


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## needymom (Sep 4, 2009)

You guys are making me blush!! 

Thanks for all your wonderful advise.


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## IsGirl3 (Nov 13, 2012)

i think it's ok to date the ex-boss, as long as you are upfront that you are separated. i wonder, too - are you planning on getting a divorce? and if you are not attracted to that office mate, you need to get him to cool off or talk to HR. congrats on having enough self esteem left after your marriage to change careers, do well, and you seem happy! good for you!


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## needymom (Sep 4, 2009)

Over twenty years ago when I left my first husband I jumped into dating right away. It didn't take long to find my second husband. I am a little wiser now. I am not going to get into a serious relationship right away. I am going to play the field the field and go out with my girlfriends and start living!! If I go out with my ex-boss I will make him aware we are just going out to have fun. He just ended his marriage as well and he needs to take things slow as well. My office mate is just going have to stop what he is doing. I imagine my husband and I will be getting a divorce. But I never plan on ever getting married again.


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