# Sex life is boring



## mestalla guy (Mar 20, 2012)

Like the title says really, been together over 5 years and talking about getting married, yet I'm bored with our sex life. The problem is mainly to do with the fact that my girlfriend hates her body, she gets very down about the way she looks, and dosnt even like me seeing her body because she is embarrassed. I've tried reassuring her and telling her how attractive she is but it dosnt seem to help. She calls herself fat and horrible and asks me why I would want to be with her. It's killing our relationship right now. She's never been very adventurous in bed dosnt like trying out new things. 
The thing is, I have a high sex drive and it's beginning to get to me. Any advice would be so welcome
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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

thats a tough one, just continuous reassurance is all i know, but even that can get old if she doesnt turn around her attitude


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## MindOverMatter (Jul 1, 2012)

She's going to have to learn to love herself before anything else positive happens. 

And marriage isn't going to cure any problems that existed before.


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## mestalla guy (Mar 20, 2012)

Yeah I do feel she has to take some responsibility on this one, there's only so much reassuring I can do before she has to help herself. She has joined a gym recently but hasn't gone much yet.
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## *LittleDeer* (Apr 19, 2012)

Counseling.


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## mestalla guy (Mar 20, 2012)

I don't think that would work at all, there is no way she will discuss our sex life with anyone else
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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

is she fat?


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## mestalla guy (Mar 20, 2012)

I wouldn't say so no, like most people she could stand to lose a few pounds but nothing massive
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## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

Absolutely do not marry her until she gets this resolved.

If she hates her body now, how is she going to be as she gets older and age takes its toll?

As importantly, if she won't get professional help for her issues, what will happen if you guys hit a rough patch on a different topic. Suffer in silence? Insist you do things her way?


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## mestalla guy (Mar 20, 2012)

She is an amazing person, but has this huge hang up about herself
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## Mrs.K (Apr 12, 2012)

TELL HER!! Gently. 

A few months ago I was really upset with my husband. He was never initiating, looking at porn and only having sex with me once a week which I was not ok with.

One night we had a big blow out fight and he admitted to me that he was bored with our sex life. Did it sting for the moment? Of course but I was happy he was FINALLY honest with me because I had figured he wasn't attracted to me anymore.

The truth is we BOTH fell into a routine with sex and he wasn't saying anything to not hurt my feelings and I am not very dominate so I just kept up with what he was doing.

There were things that he was into that I finally stepped out of my comfort zone and tried and now we are having sex between 3 and 5 times a week.


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## mestalla guy (Mar 20, 2012)

I like to think that I encourage and tell her she is attractive, I starting to think it's down to her now to change things
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mrs.K (Apr 12, 2012)

mestalla guy said:


> I like to think that I encourage and tell her she is attractive, I starting to think it's down to her now to change things
> _Posted via Mobile Device_




You both need to change it together.

Had my husband not told me what was going on in his head I would not have known WHAT to fix.


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

Hi mest ~

Ah... yes... boredom. What creativity would ever be spawned if we did not encounter being bored first? 

Yep, you can't change your SO's perception of herself...she has to put in the heavy lifting to do that - she has to be willing to drop the 'tape' of negativity that loops continuously in her mind. All you can do is remain positive and consistent in your demeanour toward her to counter-balance the negativity in hers. Maybe she will see the positive reflectiion off of you and be motivated to reset her own internal tape.

So... the boredom. Here's a couple of quotes to think about ... to see where YOUR ROLE in the boring part of your sex life is.

Billy Graham famously said "_Only those who want everything done for them are bored_.”

... and ...

"_Take your life in your own hands, and what happens? A terrible thing: no one to blame_". ~Erica Jong

So... you are bored? Then take charge. Take charge of your own life, let your girlfriend know that she is free to come along with you if she so desires, and then slowly but surely start to work toward the goal of where you want to be. Do this in your everyday life, do this in your sex life ... you cannot go wrong.

Best wishes.


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