# Almost sexless relationship, losing my mind.



## ventriliquist (May 26, 2012)

BEWARE LONG POST and maybe VULGAR ?
Hi im not used to talking about my issues but here goes..
Been with my girlfriend for a few years, sex drive was normal but she never really had drive to have sex in mornings and a little before she got pregnant we started having the sex issue and after we had our kid it has become almost non existent, but even worst lately and when it does happen only in the damn room at nighttime. I would say once a month is a good month. I do get pleasured in another way but also far and in between maybe once every 1-3 weeks. I gave it time at first understanding that kids change everything but its been almost a year and a half since birth. I do tell her i find her attractive but im starting to lose that now. I dont think she takes care of herself, she showers if a good week every other day, sometimes she leaves a little bit of hair under armpit, and she doesnt shave down below like before( i do keep clean) She wears rags around the house and doesnt do makeup or hair for me except when we go out or mostly for her one day of work a week. I do tell her I notice thats happening i tell her to help me feel better when i get out of work by giving innuendo. I supply very good for her in means of foods, material objects, needs. I think ive been patient but i dont know what else to do anymore i love my kid but this is destroying my life, affecting my work and starting to bring back my bad stress/anger issues i had before and went to psychiatrists for. I constantly fantasize about other women. In terms of talking with my gf throughout day when im at work we rarely do theres times i wont even get a txt message if i do its usually a simple one non relevant to whats going on with my life or at work. At times when i send one itll be a long time before i get a response. We have basic conversations when I try to carry on stronger ones most of the times i dont see to much input, shes to damn busy reading all day.

If your gonna have any sort of strong judgement please ask for more information if something is not complete here, and provide me with a meaningful response, Im looking to learn.


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

It's a typical problem. It seems that she is uninterested in attracting you. Given that she isn't taking care of herself, it seems unlikely that another man is in the picture. That's always the first thing to rule out.

So, more likely is that she just isn't as attracted to you anymore. She's doing her "wifely duty", or "girlfriend's duty" in your case.

So, I recommend working on yourself. Get in better shape. Act more confident. Use less innuendo and be more explicit in your text messages. Women respond to men sexually.

Read Married Man Sex Life | How to have the marriage you thought you were going to have. By which I mean doing it like rabbits. for some great information.


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## Lionelhutz (Feb 2, 2012)

I agree that she is no longer interested in you or attracting you. She may feel secure that you will not go elsewhere.

I agree you need to focus on improving yourself, be very clear about what you want and the potential consequences. In time if there is no change form her you will need to make the incredibly tough choice about some point whether you can live the rest of your life in this marriage.


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## cloudwithleggs (Oct 13, 2011)

hmmm i see alot in your post about YOU! How often do you look after your toddler so she gets some free time, who gets up in the night to see to said toddler, children are a full time job and then some, so what do you do "stud" to ease her burden.

It started after the baby, well you are an idiot sorry to be so blunt, there are huge changes for her and the demands of a new born then toddler, i'm not surprised you don't get sex.

help you feel better, why don't you make her feel better.

i can't say what i really want to say but i do hope she leaves your sorry ass.


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

I agree with above poster.. 

Do you help her any??


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

WTF? Am I missing something here? When did he say he does't help out with his kid?

You guys are losing it.


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

cloudwithleggs said:


> hmmm i see alot in your post about YOU! How often do you look after your toddler so she gets some free time, who gets up in the night to see to said toddler, children are a full time job and then some, so what do you do "stud" to ease her burden.
> 
> It started after the baby, well you are an idiot sorry to be so blunt, there are huge changes for her and the demands of a new born then toddler, i'm not surprised you don't get sex.
> 
> ...


No offense, but that's just stupid. He stated that the lack of sex started before his wife even got pregnant. Do kids change things so much that they change your life before they even come? I don't think so.

Also, it's been a year and a half. His wife works outside the house one day a week and she can't even be bothered to shower regularly. Now, I don't want to crash the "mothering is the hardest job ever" party. But, I feel I must. I'm not saying it's easy, but it's not that damn hard.

Most mothers can find time during the day to wash the stink off themselves. Most mothers can find time to have sex with their husbands. If a mother can't find time to do that, it's not because mothering is an impossibly difficult task. It's because she's not a good mother.


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## ScaredandUnsure (Nov 17, 2011)

Could she be going through PPD?

Ya know, I would be grossed out by the lack of hygiene, but sometimes, I miss some hairs with my razor. It's hair, it's not a booger or poop that was missed.

Sit down and talk to her about it. And maybe some therapy for the both of you, it sounds like you have anger/stress related issues? I don't dress up at all if I don't go anywhere, though for the most part I will shower and do my hair, but I will wear comfortable clothing. Meh, I don't know what to tell ya man. You guys can communicate and if it's not working out, leave.


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

ScaredandUnsure said:


> Could she be going through PPD?
> 
> Ya know, I would be grossed out by the lack of hygiene, but sometimes, I miss some hairs with my razor. It's hair, it's not a booger *or poop *that was missed.
> 
> Sit down and talk to her about it. And maybe some therapy for the both of you, it sounds like you have anger/stress related issues? I don't dress up at all if I don't go anywhere, though for the most part I will shower and do my hair, but I will wear comfortable clothing. Meh, I don't know what to tell ya man. You guys can communicate and if it's not working out, leave.


Ewwwww. Girls poop?


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## ScaredandUnsure (Nov 17, 2011)

sinnister said:


> Ewwwww. Girls poop?


Unfortunately, yes, we do.


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## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

sinnister said:


> WTF? Am I missing something here? When did he say he does't help out with his kid?
> 
> You guys are losing it.


Exactly! Let's also not forget that:

1) His gf hardly works. She should be doing most of the housework and child care.

2) At 18 months, the little one is sleeping through the night, napping regularly, and is (or should be) on some sort of schedule. They are well past the constant feedings and crying.

The problem with continuing on this course is that his gf will always find some reason to not prioritize him. If she has not found a way to keep up with being both a romantic partner as well as a parent by this stage she will not do so on her own.

I feel she is trying to make herself dumpy and unattractive. It does not take but 30 seconds to run a razor over your pits.

There are always a million-and-one things to do with or for your kids today - individual and team sports, scouts, church, play dates, etc. The OP's girlfriend might next decide that the child's classroom must have a volunteer, he must play two or three sports and each team needs a mom to help out, and so on. At some point she needs to develop some self-discipline and rejoin the larger world.


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## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

I will add that, at the end of the day, the issue (assuming she does not have a serious PPD or other physical ailment) is simply about motivation and ambition. She (as well as the OP) are parents, and parents are habitually busy - just the way it is.

When I had my children in house full-time, nearly every day started at 6 a.m. and finished around 10 p.m. if not later. I saw it as my adult responsibility to integrate the needs of my then-wife, my children, and the household with my own needs and make it all work. And I did so very well.

IMO, when you have children something happens to you that makes you want to find the time to be there for everyone. I see, read about, and hear about people who willingly have kids and resent that they cannot sleep in, hit the clubs, have a big chunk of alone time every day, etc. and I just-do-not-get-it. I probably will never understand that either.


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