# And I'm being nasty?



## cherokee96red (Apr 23, 2011)

STBXH texted me asking for a 1099 I had already mailed him over a week ago. I had scanned it in computer, just in case. H asked if I had done so and to email it to him. Whether it was right or wrong, I seized the opportunity to get answers to a few questions I had. Questions were concerning our kids only and the $$ H had promised to send me, none had to do with anything else. Guess I was on a bit of a power trip, first time in a very long time I felt like I had any power. Needless to say he did his best to draw me into to cyber pissing match about who had the worst situation. I gave him a deadline and advised him not to get the $$ from DD. Well, that went over like a turd in a punchbowl, 'cause I got the following text:

"Or what? I don't owe DD anything so fvck you for saying that."
then came..." Now you have pissed me off. Get a lawyer. I'm turning your phone off."


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## harpongs (Apr 10, 2012)

You're both feeding off each other.

Conversations should be business only.


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## madaboutlove (Aug 28, 2011)

Keep track of all that communication. It might prove useful in custody hearings. And I would get that attorney and use them for all communication from now on


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## harpongs (Apr 10, 2012)

madaboutlove said:


> Keep track of all that communication. It might prove useful in custody hearings. And I would get that attorney and use them for all communication from now on


Every time an attorney does something it's a minimum fee.

Figure $400 per hour, 1/6 hour or 10 minutes minimum. 

So every civil conversation they cannot have that must be left to an attorney is at least $50 probably more. 

Better to avoid inflammatory conversation and work out these sorts of details without blame calling.

Let's take the example above.

Her: I am not giving you the 1099 until you answer my questions!

Him: FU I am turning off your phone!

What has been gained? Nothing.

What has been lost? An opportunity to get this thing over with faster and less expensively.

Better way to handle it:

Him: Can I get a copy of my 1099?

Her: Sure thing I'll get it right out to you. By the way, since we're on the phone, can you just answer a question or two for me..?

Him: Sure what do you want to know.

There are many ways to handle a situation. 

Some better than others.


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## cherokee96red (Apr 23, 2011)

harpongs said:


> You're both feeding off each other.
> 
> Conversations should be business only.


 I tried to keep it all biz/kids. I kept taking the bait he threw out to me to get off track and personal. In fact, H contacts me first, I went over a week without contact but it seems he can't stand that I don't contact him. DS just informed me recently that H keeps asking him why I only respond via text or email, if at all.


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## cherokee96red (Apr 23, 2011)

harpongs said:


> Every time an attorney does something it's a minimum fee.
> 
> Figure $400 per hour, 1/6 hour or 10 minutes minimum.
> 
> ...


He already had the 1099 before he contacted me about it.
And I agree, there are better ways to approach/handle things. I try to keep to the high road, H doesn't always.


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## harpongs (Apr 10, 2012)

cherokee96red said:


> And I agree, there are better ways to approach/handle things. I try to keep to the high road, H doesn't always.


That's why the saying goes "take the high road". If he took the high road too then there wouldn't BE a high road, it would be the SAME road.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

That totally blows. I can't imagine the anger that must have pulsed through you!!!  omg...I hate that ****.

Now you know not to feed into his bullshet. Let him turn your phone off. Then you don't have to talk to the SOB.


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## harpongs (Apr 10, 2012)

that_girl said:


> Let him turn your phone off. Then you don't have to talk to the SOB.


Or anyone else for that matter.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

harpongs said:


> Or anyone else for that matter.


You can get a cheap phone. The less reliant she is on him, the better. He should have NO power over her.


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## cherokee96red (Apr 23, 2011)

that_girl said:


> That totally blows. I can't imagine the anger that must have pulsed through you!!!  omg...I hate that ****.
> 
> Now you know not to feed into his bullshet. Let him turn your phone off. Then you don't have to talk to the SOB.


Ican't wait for the day that I can tell him that and have my own phone ready to go to be able to keep talking to my kids, DS is 2 hrs away and DD is with H. Both are over 18, no custody issue.

I can't get a cheap phone for the moment as I am still awaiting final decision on disability, have had no luck with jobs ( interview yes, but then it ends.) Right now, economically, I'm barely able to get TP to wipe my azz. I hate this feeling of utter uselessness. I don't want to rely on him for even the most miniscule thing.

BTW, would someone be so kind as to define "cheating"? Apparently it is not living with someone other than your legal spouse.


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