# So lost....



## constantconflict (Nov 7, 2009)

Ok....I am 23, my husband and I have been married 3 years next week, and together for 5. We have 2 children- both under the age of two. He works SO much and is gone all of the time.  I stay home with our kids, do online school, and countless other side jobs to help ends meet. 

He does not ever initiate sex unless I bring up the fact that it has been 2wks, 3wks, a month sense the last time. He NEVER shows interest in me (kissing, touching, nothing.) I feel like we're just two people who happen to be living in the same house. I've accused and questioned him about everythign in the book to figure out WHY he is obviously not attracted to me. I am in the best shape of my life and other men find me attractive. His answer is that I gripe at him too much. I am so hurt and angered by not being wanted, because I "saved myself" for him. I am 23 and would like a little attention! I feel like I waited and waited and for what? It makes me wish I had gone through with it with other men who were actually wanting it!

Things have been getting progressively worse and worse and I am constantly feeling alone. Out of nowhere, an ex boyfriend of mine from high school contacts me via an online social community. He told me he had a dream about me, that I hadn't changed a bit, was precious in HS and am precious now, etc. I cannot help but feel attacted to him- it's because I am actually getting attention from someone. 

I just don't know what to do. I'm scared to leave because I don't want to drag my children through a divorce and have to put them in daycare (since they're used to being with me all day everyday), but on the other hand, I don't want to raise 2 children in a house filled with fighting, yelling, bickering, and no love. I'm just so lost- I don't know what to do. He says "I love you" on the phone (usually after we've fought the whole time) and I just don't even feel like saying it back. So lost! I feel like I made a mistake by getting married and having kids so young (though both were not exactly planned)...I LOVE MY KIDS, but I feel trapped and now it's too late to go back.


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## dobo (Jun 30, 2009)

What's his porn stash like and does he masturbate excessively?

Ditch the other guy. That's just wrong. You may not be happy in your marriage, but you are still married. But do tell your husband about the guy because he needs to understand that he's in danger of losing his family.


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## Millania007 (Nov 16, 2009)

I am so sorry you are feeling this! This can be horrible but fixable with the proper communication. I know you have probably tried talking to him but there definitley needs to be a huge talk between you 2. You need to express to him how you feel, that you do not want to argue but that you need to find out what is going on? Did you guys have a normal sex life before children? Did he initiate in the past? I think it should be 50%/50%, but the man should definitley step up to the plate and initiate things once in a while, at least once a week or so! 
I would definitley nix the talks with the X right away, and DONT tell your husband about this! This will ONLY make him resent you and not trust you and you 2 will get into a horrible argument because of the X. 
You DO need to tell him that you have needs and that you truly love him and would LOVE to have normal sex with your husband! Ask him what the problem is? I am sorry but if he is not initiating and a week or 2 goes by, SOMETHING is bothering your husband OR he is masterbating. A normal human man needs a sexual release every 72 hours. After 72 hours of no release a man starts to go into a little of a frenzy, any look at any short skirt, or any cleavage flash on TV can make a man think of sex, and run for his wife, girlfriend, or masterbation, he should WANT to release? Maybe he has a sexual dysfunction? Has he tried going to the doctor? 
Sorry I am all over the place. But this just doesnt sound right, something has to be psychologically wrong with him not to want you! You are 23, in the best shape of your life and you just want love/sex from your husband, there is NOTHING wrong with that! You deserve it! Let me know if you get to talk to your husband, and what he says? In the meantime so you dont go crazy have you tried to pleasure urself to help you cope? I hope so! I think I would go looney tunes if I didnt get any for 2 weeks, Please let me know how it plays out, its not fair to you that he is almost igoring you. You deserve better, or for him to change his ways


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