# still alive, still... yeah, still



## Shianne (Feb 5, 2011)

Hi everyone
I have not been here for awhile and thought I would pop in.
I have 2 more weeks until our legal separation hearing so it is final (4mo waiting period)

He still can't do a good week.
It is still a major challenge to get a good 1 hour visit once a week for the kids. They are his latest and greatest tools for manipulating and I hate that so much I could scream. I almost wish I could go back to him just hurting me but now that my eyes are open that was never the case. He was never a good father. Excellent genetics but I should have walked out that night we made our youngest son...

Otherwise I'm doing better and we are all healing... 
I struggle with the guilt as I see the children start healing. I feel shame I let them get hurt at all, ever...

Better late than never I keep telling myself.

I hope all that I followed in the past are doing well, miss you all but having no respite at all makes life a bit hairy lol.
He doesn't challenge me at all on placement though so far so that is excellent  I have much documentation to back myself for supervised visits only if he ever pushed. So far I supervise myself


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