# My wife's breasts.... and me



## Joe_Cool

Sooo, my wife and I have been married for 4 years. I love her to death, and I know she feels the same. I feel like there is a huge barrier between us though - her breasts... Ya, I know a few jokes can be inserted there, but its true! She is a petite, beautiful and smart woman with gorgeous long hair and the most amazing pair of natural (c cup) breasts that are proportionate to her body (not overly large, and definitely not too small).

Let me start by saying: I love bewbies. Probably too much. I know I drove her crazy in the beginning of our relationship. I would walk up behind her (in private), and reach around to gently cup her breasts while she was cooking in the kitchen, or do the same while laying with her on the couch and watching television, etc. 

Now I have to say in my defense, I wasn't trying to initiate foreplay or try to get her to sleep with me. Its just really comforting and intimate (to me!), to be able to touch my wife's breasts. I mean no one else _should_ be touching them but me and her, so its a very special link between us in my mind.

After a while, she started complaining that all I cared about were her breasts, and that I'm always 'groping' her. I got the feeling she felt as though I looked at her as a walking sex machine with a couple of funbags attached in the front. Soooo, I decided to change my behavior. I didn't want her to think this way, so I stopped doing that. And it was *very* difficult for me, as much as I love her breasts (they are just so frigging perfect and beautiful!)

I limited my attention to her breasts to the bedroom and during sexual situations. Given this, I still loved cuddling with her in bed (no sex expected on my part), and just gently resting my hand on her chest and breast. I would just lay spooned with her like that, and would be happy as a clam. I made a concentrated effort to *not* move my hand, so she wouldn't think I was 'groping' her. I thought of these moments as very special and intimate between us.

But sometimes when I even do just this, she will physically grab my hand, pick it up, and remove it from her, saying something like 'Geez, going for the gold 'eh?' Then I would feel like a perverted *******, and get pissed off, not touching her for the rest of the night. 

So I tried changing once again. Now I try giving her equal attention across her body (she enjoys having her scalp gently massaged, for instance), and not focusing on the breast as much. I'm a man though, and can't help it. I love her breasts and I get so angry that she hates them (she sometimes refers to them as big globs of fat hanging off of her chest), and assumes I just want to play with them for sexual reasons.

I am a good looking guy, 35, pretty fit, and she is gorgeous, 32 with a body to die for. We have no kids (neither has ever had any). She has never told me that her breasts are sore - though I know she doesn't get a lot of feeling there, so foreplay with her breasts is more for my benefit I suppose, then hers. But she KNOWS how much I love her breasts, yet she continually makes me feel like a pervert for doing so...

I don't know what to do. Last night when this happened again (her picking up my hand and moving it), I just got so pissed. I didn't say anything, just rolled over and didn't bother touching her for the rest of the night.  I am a *very* cuddly guy, so this was unusual, and she noticed. I could tell she felt bad in the morning, asking me what was wrong, but I just didn't want to get into a fight at the start of the day about it... She is a doctor, working very long and stressful hours. She even admitted that her libido is practically non-existent these days. So I don't want to stress her out even more about this. I just don't know how to approach the situation.


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## ItMatters

Joe_Cool said:


> Now I have to say in my defense, I wasn't trying to initiate foreplay or try to get her to sleep with me. Its just really comforting and intimate (to me!), to be able to touch my wife's breasts. I mean no one else _should_ be touching them but me and her, so its a very special link between us in my mind.


Have you had this conversation with her?

How does SHE feel about her breasts?

It's similar to my reaction to my spouse touching my stomach (which I have always hated). It's just like this area that the minute I'm touched there I go on high alert because I have such negative issues with it.

Does she react like this is you touch her bum for example?

Talk to her.


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## Dan Carruthers

you have a chronic fetish...

but why not make it "All Body" for her..? viz from Head to Toe and Toe to Head..

It may sound odd for you..But I would say, A Dear Woman is also like a child. She should be pampered if she is worth it.

Your Description of her , says you love her for her attire and the being that she is , but with that fetish, you are being selfish and ruining your image , and collaterally paining a beautiful thing that female fragile being , viz your wife.


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## Joe_Cool

Thanks for the quick response. Ya, I've talked with her about it. It seems like me saying that I enjoy her breasts as a sign of intimacy rather than sex, just goes into one of her ears, reaches her brain, and gets filtered to: 'I want to bounce your boobs around and stick my penis in you'. 

Whenever we've talked about it she gets defensive regarding her work schedule, never having time or the libido for sex, etc. But the thing is, I don't think this is about sex - its about intimacy. 

I don't think that she likes her breasts at all. I think she's one of those women that feel like they are a burden. They are not overly big or small - they're perfect! If we are changing in the same room, she will usually politely wait for me to leave, or grab her bra and top to go in the bathroom to change. I get so annoyed - I love her body and wish she did too. I'm not just being her fanboy - I see guys looking at her, she just has a faulty self-opinion regarding her own body.

With regards to touching her bum, no she doesn't react as strongly, though she has gotten annoyed if, for instance, she is laying down on her stomach, and I just rest my hand on her backside (no groping, just resting here off to the side on one cheek). I don't do this quite as often though.

You may be on to something though, when you mentioned about you going into alert status when your husband touches your tummy. I can envision big red sirens flashing off in her head the moment my hand gets near her breasts....


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## Joe_Cool

Dan Carruthers said:


> you have a chronic fetish...
> 
> but why not make it "All Body" for her..? viz from Head to Toe and Toe to Head..
> 
> It may sound odd for you..But I would say, A Dear Woman is also like a child. She should be pampered if she is worth it.
> 
> Your Description of her , says you love her for her attire and the being that she is , but with that fetish, you are being selfish and ruining your image , and collaterally paining a beautiful thing that female fragile being , viz your wife.


I have tried the 'all body' approach. Sexually and just intimately. In my opening post I even mentioned that I now make a concentrated effort to focus on other parts of her body that I know she likes (for instance, gently massaging her scalp). She doesn't like it if I gently rub her legs/thighs/arms, etc. She pulls away from me soon after I do anything like that. 

When it comes to sex, I constantly try to do more for her. I *never* immediately go straight for sex, but she just doesn't get into any foreplay, unless she gets in a rare mood. She won't let me go down on her, which I would happily do for her. I never ask for a bj, though I sure would appreciate any attention at all that she provided to me.

How am I being selfish? For wanting affection from my wife? For wanting to not have my own affections frowned upon? Again - I'm not even talking about sex here...


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## kag123

Ok my husband has this same idea, that he wants to constantly touch my boobs.

Personally, I hate it, outside of sex.

It just feels degrading, and uncomfortable. I don't walk by him and grab his balls everytime I pass him. I find it uncomfortable to constantly be touched there. It's like being treated like a sex object 24/7.

Also, I dont like any part of my body to be treated like a play toy for his amusement, which is kind of what it feels like when he won't lay off. Sort of like a little boy pawing at my boobs in fascination - I guess a woman might feel like a grown man should have more self control? I don't know. It's hard to explain. 

Also, if you have done this constantly, you may have created the negative association in her yourself. I think you need to back up and stop for awhile and let her get over the negative feelings.


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## Chaparral

Read His Needs Her Needs and Five Love Languages. Of course Married Man Sex Life ( not a sex manual) is an absolute must for every male!


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## Chaparral

kag123 said:


> Ok my husband has this same idea, that he wants to constantly touch my boobs.
> 
> Personally, I hate it, outside of sex.
> 
> It just feels degrading, and uncomfortable. I don't walk by him and grab his balls everytime I pass him. I find it uncomfortable to constantly be touched there. It's like being treated like a sex object 24/7.
> 
> Also, I dont like any part of my body to be treated like a play toy for his amusement, which is kind of what it feels like when he won't lay off. Sort of like a little boy pawing at my boobs in fascination - I guess a woman might feel like a grown man should have more self control? I don't know. It's hard to explain.
> 
> Also, if you have done this constantly, you may have created the negative association in her yourself. I think you need to back up and stop for awhile and let her get over the negative feelings.


Men and women are totally different and you are not looking at this through your husbands eyes or any other mans eyes. I predict trouble.


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## Dan Carruthers

Now I have to say in my defense, I wasn't trying to initiate foreplay or try to get her to sleep with me. *Its just really comforting and intimate (to me!),?????WHY ????* to be able to touch my wife's breasts. I mean no one else should be touching them but me and her, so its a very special link between us in my mind.

Let me start by saying: I love bewbies. Probably too much. I know I drove her crazy in the beginning of our relationship. I would walk up behind her (in private), and reach around to gently cup her breasts while she was cooking in the kitchen, or do the same while laying with her on the couch and watching television, etc.


-----Selfish you are , Pal by TOO MUCH of Breast and Cupping ...!!

Now

let me tell you, she is a female human being..

You need to deal her, by knowing her needs as well..Note, that she was fine with your "fetish" initially, since she felt it's mutual..but your fetish has turned things "sore." She is feeling as if she is an object and with her tender parts, you are playing sex games , rather than caring for her being and existence..

she is tired perhaps and is not liking your fetish bound sexual approaches.

First treat her as a being. Be Contextually aware, what she needs...

Life has Love and Care ...not mere Carnally driven stuffs..


Try to understand what is the difference between Agape, Storge, Philos and Eros..and Apply them accordingly from your Heart and Head as well..

Know her...TRULY INTIMATELY....and not as you do now..

....Treat her as a Child , when she needs such a care..treat her as a Friend, when she needs such a love, Treat her as a Maternal being when she needs to be so, Treat her as a Woman, a Spouse , a Lover ..when she needs to be ..and thus Love her Truly and Dearly..!!


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## Mrs. T

I can't offer any advice here, my husband loves bewbies too but only if they are triple DDD or larger. I'm a c cup myself but I feel like a flat chested boy sometimes. I wish my husband was a little more "grabby"...then I'd know he was still interested.


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## Chaparral

Mrs. T said:


> I can't offer any advice here, my husband loves bewbies too but only if they are triple DDD or larger. I'm a c cup myself but I feel like a flat chested boy sometimes. I wish my husband was a little more "grabby"...then I'd know he was still interested.


Just what I was thinking, if his wife saw all the people whose spouse had lost interest/given up she would be running around topless. LOL


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## Joe_Cool

kag123 said:


> Ok my husband has this same idea, that he wants to constantly touch my boobs.
> 
> Personally, I hate it, outside of sex.
> 
> It just feels degrading, and uncomfortable. I don't walk by him and grab his balls everytime I pass him. I find it uncomfortable to constantly be touched there. It's like being treated like a sex object 24/7.
> 
> Also, I dont like any part of my body to be treated like a play toy for his amusement, which is kind of what it feels like when he won't lay off. Sort of like a little boy pawing at my boobs in fascination - I guess a woman might feel like a grown man should have more self control? I don't know. It's hard to explain.
> 
> Also, if you have done this constantly, you may have created the negative association in her yourself. I think you need to back up and stop for awhile and let her get over the negative feelings.


So, you're saying that your body should be off-limits to your husband except for sexual purposes. All that I have seen in response to this thread so far is:

"you're selfish for wanting your wife to be intimate with you (outside of sex)"

"you're not trying hard enough to treat her like a 'Child', 'Friend', or a fabled 'unicorn'"

Because I find my wife attractive (god forbid!), and enjoy to sometimes gently rest my hand on her breast at night in bed while innocently cuddling, I would be 'like a little boy pawing at your boobs'? 

Something is out of whack there. In my mind, there needs to be compromise. In my original post, I mentioned that I severely changed my behavior _soon_ into our relationship so that I didn't continue to 'paw at her boobies in fascination'. This was years ago. 

Since then, I've further modified my behavior to make her happy. I'm sorry, but I'm feeling a little frustration at the lack of compromise. If my wife enjoyed playing with my toes or feet (yes... I don't like having my feet messed with much), or if it turned her on in a sexual setting, GO TO TOWN ON THEM. I'll take one for the team so that she's happy - thats compromise. 

If I constantly 'pawed at her boobs', yes, I would see a problem *looking at you dude who keeps saying I have a fetish*. But I don't. I am completely hands off, then *sometimes*, but not all the time, I like to cuddle up next to her in bed and rest my hand on her chest. 

I just think there needs to be compromise in a marriage. So far, on this front, I have been the one to give way. I guess I should completely change who I am and pretend that I hate breasts. Fall in line with the 'better half', do what you're told, thats all I'm seeing here so far...


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## Dan Carruthers

See there are women, who crave for being cupped, grabbed or groped etc etc in the "top" or bottom or any where ..!!


Their Needs are different and your wife's are different..

Just Discern well on your marriage life and live well accordingly.


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## Dan Carruthers

"you're selfish for wanting your wife to be intimate with you (outside of sex)"

"you're not trying hard enough to treat her like a 'Child', 'Friend', or a fabled 'unicorn'"

--Myopic perceptions..emotional reasoning..and hence no understanding..!!


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## Chaparral

Are there other problems in your marriage? Has she always been this way? It sounds like what she really resents is just you.


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## Joe_Cool

chapparal said:


> Are there other problems in your marriage? Has she always been this way? It sounds like what she really resents is just you.


Maybe thats the case, and I just have to come to terms with it, and hopefully figure out why.


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## Joe_Cool

Dan Carruthers said:


> "you're selfish for wanting your wife to be intimate with you (outside of sex)"
> 
> "you're not trying hard enough to treat her like a 'Child', 'Friend', or a fabled 'unicorn'"
> 
> --Myopic perceptions..emotional reasoning..and hence no understanding..!!


You do realize how self-righteous you sound, and by taking that tone - you have immediately caused me to write off anything you say...


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## Dan Carruthers

Joe_Cool said:


> You do realize how self-righteous you sound, and by taking that tone - you have immediately caused me to write off anything you say...


-- Self-Righteousness..? , what do I gain by that..???

You lack comprehensions and thus right perceptions..

let me tell you

Our Thought Patterns are different...you seem not to understand, what you are yourself doing....your married life is heading for trouble..and it is bec\oz of lack of understanding , within yourselves..I am a well wisher..

First have an Analysis of yourself , your wife, and your interactions, relations ( physically , mentally , socially ), then you will/may have some Enlightenment to rectify the discords..

Wishes..dear Pal.

God Speed.


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## Joe_Cool

chapparal said:


> Are there other problems in your marriage? Has she always been this way? It sounds like what she really resents is just you.


I went back and read over the thread again to get an outside perspective at what I've written. I think I've given off the vibe that she doesn't like me at all... thats not the case though.

We have a wonderful time together - I mean just the other night she was looking at me all starry-eyed and told me she was one of the luckier people in the world just for having known me. Knowing her, that was quite a compliment, and meant a lot to me. Things like this still happen often enough, so I know she loves me and respects me. I don't think she is constantly resenting me. 

Given that, we are human like anyone else. Our marriage has issues, as does anyone elses', but none that I am aware of is large enough to cause long-term resentment towards me.

Again, thanks for your feedback chapparal, I'll continue to dig deeper with some self-reflection.


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## ocotillo

Dan Carruthers said:


> you have a chronic fetish...



Well according to both the ICD-10 and the DSM-IV-TR, a fetish is a sexual fixation on an inanimate object, like a shoe, stocking or undergarment. 

It is a psychological disorder, usually classed as Axis I, where the object becomes absolutely necessary for sexual gratification.

Sexual fixation on a non-sexual part of the body, like legs, feet, breasts, etc., can be considered a related paraphilia called a 'partialism' if and when interest in that body part supplants interest in the sexual parts of the body.


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## Chaparral

Dan Carruthers said:


> -- Self-Righteousness..? , what do I gain by that..???
> 
> You lack comprehensions and thus right perceptions..
> 
> let me tell you
> 
> Our Thought Patterns are different...you seem not to understand, what you are yourself doing....your married life is heading for trouble..and it is bec\oz of lack of understanding , within yourselves..I am a well wisher..
> 
> First have an Analysis of yourself , your wife, and your interactions, relations ( physically , mentally , socially ), then you will/may have some Enlightenment to rectify the discords..
> 
> Wishes..dear Pal.
> 
> God Speed.


No offense, but are your thought patterns affected by outside substances? LOL


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## Dan Carruthers

chapparal said:


> No offense, but are your thought patterns affected by outside substances? LOL


---Mortified..


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## Joe_Cool

chapparal said:


> No offense, but are your thought patterns affected by outside substances? LOL


Ya, I was thinking the same about this guy...


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## Joe_Cool

ocotillo said:


> Well according to both the ICD-10 and the DSM-IV-TR, a fetish is a sexual fixation on an inanimate object, like a shoe, stocking or undergarment.
> 
> It is a psychological disorder, usually classed as Axis I, where the object becomes absolutely necessary for sexual gratification.
> 
> Sexual fixation on a non-sexual part of the body, like legs, feet, breasts, etc., can be considered a related paraphilia called a 'partialism' if and when interest in that body part supplants interest in the sexual parts of the body.


Thanks . 

See Mr. Fetish guy, this description doesn't seem match up to my situation...


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## Dan Carruthers

ocotillo said:


> Well according to both the ICD-10 and the DSM-IV-TR, a fetish is a sexual fixation on an inanimate object, like a shoe, stocking or undergarment.
> 
> It is a psychological disorder, usually classed as Axis I, where the object becomes absolutely necessary for sexual gratification.
> 
> Sexual fixation on a non-sexual part of the body, like legs, feet, breasts, etc., can be considered a related paraphilia called a 'partialism' if and when interest in that body part supplants interest in the sexual parts of the body.



--Sexual fetishism, or erotic fetishism, is the sexual arousal a person receives from a physical object, or from a specific situation. The object or situation of interest is called the fetish; the person who has a fetish for that object/situation is a fetishist.[1] A sexual fetish may be regarded as an enhancing element to a romantic/sexual relationship "achieved in ordinary ways (e.g. having the partner wear a particular garment)" or as a mental disorder/disorder of sexual preference if it causes significant psychosocial distress for the person or has detrimental effects on important areas of their life.[2] Arousal from a particular body part is classified as partialism.[3]

Eg : *Foot fetishism* is one of the most common fetishes


If a sexual fetish causes significant psychosocial distress for the person or has detrimental effects on important areas of their life, it is diagnosable as a paraphilia in the DSM and the ICD. Many people embrace their fetish rather than attempting treatment to rid themselves of it.

*In a review of the files of all cases over a 20-year period which met criteria for non-transvestic fetishes in a teaching hospital, 48 cases were identified, and the objects of their fetishes included clothing (58.3%), rubber and rubber items (22.9%), footwear (14.6%), body parts (14.6%), leather jackets and vests, and leather items (10.4%), and soft materials and fabrics (6.3%)*


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## Joe_Cool

Dan Carruthers said:


> --Sexual fetishism, or erotic fetishism, is the sexual arousal a person receives from a physical object, or from a specific situation. The object or situation of interest is called the fetish; the person who has a fetish for that object/situation is a fetishist.[1] A sexual fetish may be regarded as an enhancing element to a romantic/sexual relationship "achieved in ordinary ways (e.g. having the partner wear a particular garment)" or as a mental disorder/disorder of sexual preference if it causes significant psychosocial distress for the person or has detrimental effects on important areas of their life.[2] Arousal from a particular body part is classified as partialism.[3]
> 
> Eg : *Foot fetishism* is one of the most common fetishes
> 
> 
> If a sexual fetish causes significant psychosocial distress for the person or has detrimental effects on important areas of their life, it is diagnosable as a paraphilia in the DSM and the ICD.[2] Many people embrace their fetish rather than attempting treatment to rid themselves of it.[vague]
> 
> *In a review of the files of all cases over a 20-year period which met criteria for non-transvestic fetishes in a teaching hospital, 48 cases were identified, and the objects of their fetishes included clothing (58.3%), rubber and rubber items (22.9%), footwear (14.6%), body parts (14.6%), leather jackets and vests, and leather items (10.4%), and soft materials and fabrics (6.3%)*


Dude, we can give up on the fetish stuff. With the situation I described, I'm not even aroused, and I don't do it for sexual purposes...


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## sisters359

Joe Cool, anytime someone argues with a responders, it sends off "wants to hear what he wants to hear" signals. Yours are coming through loud and clear.

It is HER body. No, you cannot expect a compromise on behaviors that affect her body. 

I think the deeper issue is that you define intimacy through sexual contact. 

You do not have a "right" to touch her at all. You have the privilege, and there is a big difference. You don't seem to appreciate that. 

If you need to feel her up to feel intimate, you honestly might need to find a different woman. This is one of those "no compromise w/o resentment" areas for you, perhaps. 

So you have three choices: Get her to a place where she actually enjoys what you want to do; respect her right to control what happens to her body (respect w/o resentment, that is); find a different wife. 

You are looking for validation here, but you aren't going to get it, b/c trying to force her to accept "compromise" in this situation is a really, really, really bad idea. 

And clearly she is losing interest in you sexually--so think about that. You probably would not have mentioned the decline in sex and her excuses if that wasn't the case.

Edit: you may not think it is sexual b/c you aren't necessarily initiating sex, but c'mon, it's her BREASTS and the only reason they are "intimate" to you is because you feel you are the only one who can touch them (other than her) precisely b/c they ARE part of the sexual anatomy. Geez, splitting hair, dude. Why can't holding her arm do the same thing for ya? Yeah, I thought so.


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## Joe_Cool

I feel like I need to say *looking at you again Mr. Fetish Guy*, that when I've talked about enjoying holding my wife's breast as a link of intimacy between us, I never mentioned that I also enjoy holding her hand, resting my hand on top of her thigh while on the subway, having my arm around her, etc... 

I don't always just go for the boob...


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## Dan Carruthers

@ TAM

The Information could be of help to any such ones and thus are philanthropically communicated by the posters for the benefit of the kind of fetishists...for beneficence.


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## sisters359

Joe_Cool said:


> I feel like I need to say *looking at you again Mr. Fetish Guy*, that when I've talked about enjoying holding my wife's breast as a link of intimacy between us, I never mentioned that I also enjoy holding her hand, resting my hand on top of her thigh while on the subway, having my arm around her, etc...
> 
> I don't always just go for the boob...


Then intertwine your hand with hers at snuggle time. problem solved. You feel intimate, she doesn't feel groped.


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## Joe_Cool

sisters359 said:


> Joe Cool, anytime someone argues with a responders, it sends off "wants to hear what he wants to hear" signals. Yours are coming through loud and clear.
> 
> It is HER body. No, you cannot expect a compromise on behaviors that affect her body.
> 
> I think the deeper issue is that you define intimacy through sexual contact.
> 
> You do not have a "right" to touch her at all. You have the privilege, and there is a big difference. You don't seem to appreciate that.
> 
> If you need to feel her up to feel intimate, you honestly might need to find a different woman. This is one of those "no compromise w/o resentment" areas for you, perhaps.
> 
> So you have three choices: Get her to a place where she actually enjoys what you want to do; respect her right to control what happens to her body (respect w/o resentment, that is); find a different wife.
> 
> You are looking for validation here, but you aren't going to get it, b/c trying to force her to accept "compromise" in this situation is a really, really, really bad idea.
> 
> And clearly she is losing interest in you sexually--so think about that. You probably would not have mentioned the decline in sex and her excuses if that wasn't the case.
> 
> Edit: you may not think it is sexual b/c you aren't necessarily initiating sex, but c'mon, it's her BREASTS and the only reason they are "intimate" to you is because you feel you are the only one who can touch them (other than her) precisely b/c they ARE part of the sexual anatomy. Geez, splitting hair, dude. Why can't holding her arm do the same thing for ya? Yeah, I thought so.


I graciously take your advice and criticism. I did make the original post, and understood that not all feedback would be necessarily things I wanted to hear.

I probably shouldn't have answered Dan the way I did, but he could have worded his posts a bit better as well in my opinion...

Regardless, I appreciate your feedback, and indeed will be working on a solution to my issue. 

-thanks for your time


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## MaritimeGuy

I am guessing one of two likely scenarios based on my experiences with my partner. 

One she is insecure about her boobs. Like another poster with my partner it's her stomach. If I touch her stomach she feels like I am evaluating its flatness. She's insecure about it and would rather I don't spend time touching it. (Ironically, it's very flat and she has nothing to worry about).

Two, she feels every time you touch her breasts you want to have sex and gets anxious if she's not in the mood. Again, my partner is the same. It seems to help if when I touch her a certain way I state outright whether I'm expecting it to lead to sex or not. It takes some of the spontaneity out of it but if I'm not trying to lead into sex she can just enjoy the caress.

My two cents worth anyhow...


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## ocotillo

Dan Carruthers said:


> --Sexual fetishism, or erotic fetishism, is the sexual arousal a person receives from a *physical object*, or from a *specific situation*. The object or situation of interest is called the fetish; the person who has a fetish for that object/situation is a fetishist. --Remainder of Wikipedia cut and past snipped


The Wikipedia entry that you cut and pasted starts off accurately, but strays into the realm of pop-psychology fairly quickly. 

In 2009, Kafka _et al_ proposed combining the two paraphilic categories, (i.e. fetish and partialism) but that never happened and they remain separate and distinct.

For any who are actually interested in how psychologists define and use the term, a clinically correct description is presented here:

Psychology of the Sexual Fetish, Mental Health Video


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## Joe_Cool

MaritimeGuy said:


> I am guessing one of two likely scenarios based on my experiences with my partner.
> 
> One she is insecure about her boobs. Like another poster with my partner it's her stomach. If I touch her stomach she feels like I am evaluating its flatness. She's insecure about it and would rather I don't spend time touching it. (Ironically, it's very flat and she has nothing to worry about).
> 
> Two, she feels every time you touch her breasts you want to have sex and gets anxious if she's not in the mood. Again, my partner is the same. It seems to help if when I touch her a certain way I state outright whether I'm expecting it to lead to sex or not. It takes some of the spontaneity out of it but if I'm not trying to lead into sex she can just enjoy the caress.
> 
> My two cents worth anyhow...


Ya it may be a blend of both in my case. I'm really trying to be more conscientious about it, because I really don't feel entitled to touching them, as sisters359 mentioned. And if it comes down to it, I just will stop entirely. 

Oh well, I just wanted to hear different perspectives on the issue. Not looking to validate anything. Sounds like I'm in the minority for feeling the way I do, so I guess I need a bit of self-reflection.


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## Dan Carruthers

ocotillo said:


> The Wikipedia entry that you cut and pasted starts off accurately, but strays into the realm of pop-psychology fairly quickly.
> 
> In 2009, Kafka _et al_ proposed combining the two paraphilic categories, (i.e. fetish and partialism) but that never happened and they remain separate and distinct.
> 
> For any who are actually interested in how psychologists define and use the term, a clinically correct description is presented here:
> 
> Psychology of the Sexual Fetish, Mental Health Video



---http://www.merriam-webster.com/medical/fetish



Hmm..Yes, For any *who are actually interested in how psychologists define and use the term, a clinically correct description*


Medical Dictionary 
Fetish - Medical Definition and More from Merriam-Webster


and Technically Speaking…

Fetishism falls under the mental-health category of paraphilia, in which a person is (often solely) aroused by a particular object, dynamic or situation. A person who, for instance, must hold a baseball, wear a diaper, be hurt, inflict pain or* have a non-consenting partner in order to reach sexual gratification suffers from paraphilia*. Pedophilia falls under this category, as well.


Takes All Kinds

Mental health professionals, researchers and even police officers have encountered such fetishes as sneezing, amputated limbs, hearing aids, diapers, pregnancy, defecating, tickling and furry animal costumes.

Fetish : Example


1: Feet

To most people, feet are just, well, feet. They tend to sweat, and can be stinky. They've got callouses, and occasionally a second toe that's oddly longer than the first. For many people, "sexy" they're not.

But to others -- a lot of others -- feet are about the biggest turn-on imaginable. A 2007 study published in the International Journal of Impotence Research found that feet (and their little piggies) were the most highly fetishized body part, with nearly half of the thousands of survey respondents choosing them over all others (and that includes boobs and butts!) [source: Independent].

Why? No one is entirely sure. There are those who believe that feet and genitals are closely connected in brain circuitry [source: Independent]. Others suggest it may simply be that feet lead to legs, and legs lead to genitals [source: ABCNews].
*
Whatever the cause, feet (and toes and shoes) hold an unmatched rank in the realm of everyday fetishes, and that's just fine. If a man dumps a woman because her second toe is a bit long -- well, that may call for some therapy.*


2.Hair

*Otherwise, go with what works. Everybody's got their thing.: Hair

It's no secret that hair can be sensual. All those tousled, wind-blown Victoria's Secret models are a pretty big hint. But hair-as-fetish goes beyond the obvious.*

This one primarily (but not only) affects men, many of whom like to involve women's hair in the sexual experience in some way, and it can be highly specific. Hair, it seems, can make the woman. Some men are only attracted to women with long blond hair, or curly brown hair or very short hair. There are those who are turned on exclusively by redheads, and others who require the fake, bleached-blond look.

And there are those driven crazy by feeling that hair all over their body.

*Women, too, may have their preferences, usually in the facial realm. To some women, sex just isn't sex without some scratchy facial hair in the mix.

It can also be the lack-there-of that gets people going. Rare but still out there, a select group of men find bald women to have an irresistible appeal, and a whole lot of men (and women) enjoy the newly exploded, Brazilian bikini-waxing trend.*

*Also on the keratin-based-fetish menu? Nails, especially the long, bright-red ones.*




fetishism

*In psychology, erotic attachment to an inanimate object or a nongenital body part whose real or fantasized presence is necessary for sexual gratification. The object is most commonly some other body part or an article of clothing. From the time of its identification by Sigmund Freud in 1927, fetishism was thought to occur almost exclusively among men, but in the late 20th century that notion was challenged by several new studies.
*
---For Information ( Source :..Discovery Health)


----------



## MaritimeGuy

I wouldn't say you're in the minority. I too love touching my partners breasts. In your case your desire to touch your wife does not line up with your wife's desire to be touched. However it's definitely something worth working together with with your wife to arrive at a compromise that works for both of you. Communication about small issues like this can help with understanding of the bigger issues in your relationship. You can never have too much communication.


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## Gaia

Joe, you don't have to stop entirely. You and your wife should take the five languages of love quiz. She may not being feeling loved because you are not expressing it in her language. My spouse is like you, always groping at my breasts and I have told him what your wife told you. That it makes me feel like nothing more then a sex object.

Like another poster suggested, try holding her hand. Tell her you love her eyes, she has a pretty smile, and she is beautiful. Try wrapping your arms around her waste and just holding her. If her love language is something like gifts, try presenting her with a flower or something similiar.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Caribbean Man

My wife is petite with medium sized perky breasts.
She's still a little insecure about them,but I ABSOLUTELY love them. 
They look flawless to me , and I still get aroused just looking at them.
She doesn't understand how and why.
She's grown to love and crave the attention I give to them.
She walked out of the shower naked [ as she usually does ] earlier this morning, and there I was staring at her breasts......

To the OP,
Never mind if she gets upset,
Tell her you love them because they are a part of her.


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## Dan Carruthers

My Women like being touched, kissed , caressed and etc in their body parts from head to toe and it is done tenderly and powerfully as needed..and with discernment ..

Hint..

Love has its forms , apply it accordingly, naturally , nurture it, if not,and then be in love, be in life..


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## ocotillo

Dan,

Thank you. I'm very aware of the differences between the popular usage of the term in less authoritative sources vs. the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual itself.

I would like to return your attention to the opening paragraph of the Wikipedia article you provided and invite a comment in your own words on two sentences:

"Sexual fetishism, or erotic fetishism, is the sexual arousal a person receives from a physical object, or from a specific situation."

"Arousal from a particular body part is classified as partialism."​


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## Phenix70

Joe please excuse me if you already answered this question, but I'm still trying to process the posts about treating a woman like a child. 
Have you shared with your wife the same things you've posted in this thread?
I ask because I wonder if she doesn't understand why you want to touch her breasts.


----------



## Dan Carruthers

ocotillo said:


> Dan,
> 
> Thank you. I'm very aware of the differences between the popular usage of the term in less authoritative sources vs. the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual itself.
> 
> I would like to return your attention to the opening paragraph in the Wikipedia article you provided and invite a comment in your own words on two sentences:
> 
> "Sexual fetishism, or erotic fetishism, is the sexual arousal a person receives from a physical object, or from a specific situation."
> 
> "*Arousal from a particular body part is classified* as partialism."​


--Hmm, It is a Matter of Comprehensive n Progressive Knowledge Base...( what I have put forth,you shud read n comprehend The Manual correctly ) and it is not Restricted ...It is Both Comprehensive and Specific...and it edifies people who are restricted in the information.


Dear Friend, 

There is Dignity in Intellectual "Battles" provided they are followed with a Comprehensive Knowledge Base and with Acceptance In Objective Realms..


----------



## SunnyT

You're not "wrong" Joe..... you and W just have different ideas about the "hands on" approach. There may be a way to compromise. 

FYI.... there are LOTS of women who looooooooooooooove the intimacy of their lover's hand on their breast....


----------



## Joe_Cool

Phenix70 said:


> Joe please excuse me if you already answered this question, but I'm still trying to process the posts about treating a woman like a child.
> Have you shared with your wife the same things you've posted in this thread?
> I ask because I wonder if she doesn't understand why you want to touch her breasts.


We've talked about parts of it. I'm not sure if she knows how frustrated I get sometimes with it, but we have talked about it. 

I'm not sure what you mean about the posts about treating a woman like a child though. I wasn't saying that I want that, I was just responding sarcastically to Dan saying: "Treat her as a Child".

Thanks for the feedback.


----------



## Phenix70

Joe_Cool said:


> We've talked about parts of it. I'm not sure if she knows how frustrated I get sometimes with it, but we have talked about it.
> 
> *I'm not sure what you mean about the posts about treating a woman like a child though. I wasn't saying that I want that, I was just responding sarcastically to Dan saying: "Treat her as a Child".*
> 
> Thanks for the feedback.


As was I, .


I would suggest talking to her about EVERYTHING, not just bits & pieces, let her know exactly everything you've shared with us.
Especially the part about wanting to touch her breasts BUT not because you wanted to have sex, I think that maybe crucial.
The reason I suggest that is because it's quite possible that she sees your touching of her breasts as pre-foreplay & it gets her into the wrong state of mind.
For what it's worth, I understand your POV, because my husband is very similar about touching my "twins" I'm even encouraged to go braless around the house.
It was awkward at first, but now it's a lot of fun, for both of us.


----------



## Gaia

You should talk to her some more joe. SunnyT is right in her post. Your wife might be a bit resentful about something and that resentment is causing her to dislike the groping.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Joe_Cool

Thanks for the advice Phenix, I do think more communication is in order. Someone else earlier mentioned that you can never have enough - true enough.


----------



## Dan Carruthers

Treating a Woman as a Child ..

Not Sarcastically though 

Women are the Little Girls , who became , and are the Big Girls..

eg: 

One of the fantasies of a major number of women, is wearing a School Uniform , whatever their age may be..this reflects their inner persona on an image of themselves..


Treat her as a Girl ( A Little, Big Girl)  at times...contextually...and it is Storge...they would not appreciate Eros at such contexts..


there are many instances they want to be treated as a Friend than Erotically..

There are many instances when they want to play the Maternal Role in them, with The Man..attending to their men as children..

Discern..


---


----------



## Gaia

Umm dan ... where do you get that many women fantasize about wearing school uniforms? I had always thought that was a mans fantasy... 

Oh and I disagree with your child theory. Us women are not children.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Joe_Cool

Ya, you're probably right Gaia. She has a much longer memory than I do . I wouldn't be surprised if there was a bit of this mixed in.


----------



## Phenix70

Joe_Cool said:


> Thanks for the advice Phenix, I do think more communication is in order. Someone else earlier mentioned that you can never have enough - true enough.


You're welcome Joe!
I hope you two are able to work through this & can come up with some sort of compromise.
I can't stress this enough, it's especially important to let your wife know why you want to touch her breasts, I have a feeling that if she knows it's not as sexual as she seems to think, she maybe more receptive to you.


----------



## Gaia

Phenix70 said:


> You're welcome Joe!
> I hope you two are able to work through this & can come up with some sort of compromise.
> I can't stress this enough, it's especially important to let your wife know why you want to touch her breasts, I have a feeling that if she knows it's not as sexual as she seems to think, she maybe more receptive to you.


I agree with this.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Dan Carruthers

Gaia said:


> Umm dan ... where do you get that many women fantasize about wearing school uniforms? I had always thought that was a mans fantasy...
> 
> Oh and I disagree with your child theory. Us women are not children.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Every one has Parent, Adult and Child Persona in them and Women are tender and more of "Child" than Men..( even the most callous kind of Women are basically tender..and "Child"n even "Parent" viz Maternal)

and read on Women and their Men as well..

-=--*There are many instances when they want to play the Maternal Role in them, with The Man..attending to their men as children..----*


----------



## FirstYearDown

Yeah, every woman is different when it comes to groping. I LOVE feeling my husband palm my ass or my breasts. It tells me that he finds me incredibly sexy and he just can't keep his hands off me. I only like this kind of attention from my husband.

Yesterday, my hubby bent me over and pretended to give me backshots (doggie style). I just laughed and swatted at my man. It is all in good fun. 

By the way, nothing is wrong with trying to initiate foreplay or sleep with YOUR WIFE.  Married couples need to be sexual. It is normal and nothing to be ashamed of.


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## Joe_Cool

sisters359 said:


> Then intertwine your hand with hers at snuggle time. problem solved. You feel intimate, she doesn't feel groped.


I do... :scratchhead:


----------



## livelaughlovenow

From a woman's point of view: You must be neglecting her in other ways... my husband used to do this, go straight for my boobs, or straight for my crotch... and sometimes still does, only now we are more emotionally connected and sexually connected and it is not so frequently and we have communicated verbally our sexual needs and desires as well as our relationship needs and desires so we have made huge strides from the days where I felt like your wife feels. But when I did feel like that it was because that was all my husband paid attention to, he didn't notice my hair, my clothes, wasn't affectionate with kisses and hugs, and didn't express appreciation for other things... Have a talk with your wife... and you don't need to read the book his needs her needs, there is a great websites.. 
His Needs-Her Needs-Our Needs that has the top 5 needs of a man and top 5 needs of a woman summarized as well as some keys to communication, those two articles alone I shared them with my husband helped open our discussions better, we realized that we were both trynig to tell the other exactly what was in there, just not in such a clear cut (and humourous) way.... I suggest having that discussion, and you will find there are other things at play here. That with some time adn effort can be fixed and with some compromise on both parts (you and your wife) you can get back to where she doesn't mind you fondling her breasts, or cupping them during cuddle time. Now I fully understand when my husband does it, and appreciate it.


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## Gaia

So basically your equating emotional... with childlike? Because that is what it seems like to me. Sure people in general can be immature at times but that doesn't mean one should view them as a ... "tender child" 

Of course in your post though it seems, as I stated, that you are equating being emotional as being childlike. That view there is one I disagree with.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Gaia

And no one plays the maternal or paternal role. That's instinctual.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Joe_Cool

livelaughlovenow said:


> From a woman's point of view: You must be neglecting her in other ways... my husband used to do this, go straight for my boobs, or straight for my crotch... and sometimes still does, only now we are more emotionally connected and sexually connected and it is not so frequently and we have communicated verbally our sexual needs and desires as well as our relationship needs and desires so we have made huge strides from the days where I felt like your wife feels. But when I did feel like that it was because that was all my husband paid attention to, he didn't notice my hair, my clothes, wasn't affectionate with kisses and hugs, and didn't express appreciation for other things... Have a talk with your wife... and you don't need to read the book his needs her needs, there is a great websites..
> His Needs-Her Needs-Our Needs that has the top 5 needs of a man and top 5 needs of a woman summarized as well as some keys to communication, those two articles alone I shared them with my husband helped open our discussions better, we realized that we were both trynig to tell the other exactly what was in there, just not in such a clear cut (and humourous) way.... I suggest having that discussion, and you will find there are other things at play here. That with some time adn effort can be fixed and with some compromise on both parts (you and your wife) you can get back to where she doesn't mind you fondling her breasts, or cupping them during cuddle time. Now I fully understand when my husband does it, and appreciate it.


Good points. I think I was like that earlier on in our relationship. Go straight for the gold . Thats one of the things I worked on with myself. It wasn't instantaneous, but I feel like I'm getting there. 

Maybe I haven't given her long enough yet. I feel like I've changed a lot, and now the fewer times that I do try to touch her breasts outside of sex, she still just instantly equates it to me wanting sex. Really I'm not looking for sex at all, just to show affection with one another (and I do this in other ways as well, not always the boobs). 

I guess this is where communication would be helpful. I'm just a bit nervous on how to begin it... I suppose the website you mentioned could be helpful with regards to that.


----------



## livelaughlovenow

Joe_Cool said:


> Good points. I think I was like that earlier on in our relationship. Go straight for the gold . Thats one of the things I worked on with myself. It wasn't instantaneous, but I feel like I'm getting there.
> 
> Maybe I haven't given her long enough yet. I feel like I've changed a lot, and now the fewer times that I do try to touch her breasts outside of sex, she still just instantly equates it to me wanting sex. Really I'm not looking for sex at all, just to show affection with one another (and I do this in other ways as well, not always the boobs).
> 
> I guess this is where communication would be helpful. I'm just a bit nervous on how to begin it... I suppose the website you mentioned could be helpful with regards to that.


Verbalize that you just want to touch, cuddle ahead of time, so she can put her mind at ease. And stick to it. Also yes, the website will help, it's not long articles at all, the site name is a bit weird, lol but the principles are the main problems in all marriages. Also my husband told me, the same, that i was wanting him to cuddle but i took every time he tried as that he wanted sex, because for so long that is the way it was... so we came up with some new initial signals... example, hand on my leg sitting on the couch lets me know it's just cuddling or making out he wants, not sex.... if he doesn't do that and starts something then I know it's the other... that is how we started into better communication. Now we talk much more openly, and let each other know with way better physical cues that we want sex or want to cuddle.


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## Gaia

Live, its great to hear you and your h are doing better. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Joe_Cool

livelaughlovenow said:


> Verbalize that you just want to touch, cuddle ahead of time, so she can put her mind at ease. And stick to it. Also yes, the website will help, it's not long articles at all, the site name is a bit weird, lol but the principles are the main problems in all marriages. Also my husband told me, the same, that i was wanting him to cuddle but i took every time he tried as that he wanted sex, because for so long that is the way it was... so we came up with some new initial signals... example, hand on my leg sitting on the couch lets me know it's just cuddling or making out he wants, not sex.... if he doesn't do that and starts something then I know it's the other... that is how we started into better communication. Now we talk much more openly, and let each other know with way better physical cues that we want sex or want to cuddle.


I hadn't thought of that - physical cues. Thats a good idea. Its pretty awkward to cuddle up to her and say 'I'm not looking to seduce you here...', or something like that. Instead, maybe an agreed upon signal - allowing for a more relaxed and subtle atmosphere. I like that idea!


----------



## ukv

Dan Carruthers said:


> Treating a Woman as a Child ..
> 
> Not Sarcastically though
> 
> Women are the Little Girls , who became , and are the Big Girls..
> 
> eg:
> 
> One of the fantasies of a major number of women, is wearing a School Uniform , whatever their age may be..this reflects their inner persona on an image of themselves..
> 
> 
> Treat her as a Girl ( A Little, Big Girl)  at times...contextually...and it is Storge...they would not appreciate Eros at such contexts..
> 
> 
> there are many instances they want to be treated as a Friend than Erotically..
> 
> There are many instances when they want to play the Maternal Role in them, with The Man..attending to their men as children..
> 
> Discern..
> 
> 
> ---


Dan this is the best of of your post, I do not agree with your other posts.

@ Joe : I like touching my wife's breasts and so I think what you like is quite normal since you can control your urges too... There is something wrong with how your wife treats you about this. I suspect that she might feel she is a doctor (qualified) but you are treating her more as a sex object. Maybe she wants a little more grown up kind of romancing rathier than the teenage kind of interest in breast, although I maintain that there is nothing wrong with that.

I like boobies myself and forever am noticing them.....and also the bum.... I dont know what to do.... I guess I am sex starved and so end up ogling at them... somehow it makes my heart feel right and makes me happy !!! I frequently find myself sighing out aloud when I see some lovely ones (that I do lot....) sorry girls I cant help it.... am I depraved ....?


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## diwali123

I don't know why a woman wouldn't want her man to touch her breasts. But I could see how after awhile it gets annoying, like that's the only part of her you like. 
Honestly as a woman it sounds to me like maybe she has had bad experiences with someone touching her breasts or looking at them who made her feel uncomfortable at an early age. I can't imagine wanting to get rid of my breasts. Maybe after you have kids you appreciate them more, because they are actually good for something other than a decoration.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Dan Carruthers

Gaia said:


> So basically your equating emotional... with childlike? Because that is what it seems like to me. Sure people in general can be immature at times but that doesn't mean one should view them as a ... "tender child"
> 
> Of course in your post though it seems, as I stated, that you are equating being emotional as being childlike. That view there is one I disagree with.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



--Gaia,

I repeat, in every being, there is the Parent,Adult and Child Persona or Ego...in their psyche...it is both nature and nurture .

When the persona or ego is positive , then that is not "immaturity" or "abnormal"..it is the best realm of psyche to be living life..in love, in the sweet bond of togetherness , in oneness. 

The Woman :

The Adult in her is to be given due regard in every dimension,as accordingly, in physical,mental,spiritual and societal dimensions. 

the Child is to be given the affection and fondness in the dimensions , the Parent in her to be loved while she is at it ,and hence in all the three states, with apt reciprocation and understanding. 

The Child Psyche , or Archetype in Woman is more prominent and tender than that in Man. and that I will say, is a Beautiful Thing, befitting for The Woman, in and out. and they are Indeed Mature n Feminine as well.


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## Dan Carruthers

ukv said:


> Dan this is the best of of your post, I do not agree with your other posts.


Hmm..Thanks  

but you seem to have not read my other posts rightly or dint perceive them at all,like some out here.

What ever you have told the TS guy is already covered in my posts.

and more has been cited ...

They could be News for you,but Objective Facts of Life..


----------



## Caribbean Man

FirstYearDown said:


> Yeah, every woman is different when it comes to groping. I LOVE feeling my husband palm my ass or my breasts. It tells me that he finds me incredibly sexy and he just can't keep his hands off me. I only like this kind of attention from my husband.
> 
> *Yesterday, my hubby bent me over and pretended to give me backshots (doggie style). I just laughed and swatted at my man. It is all in good fun. *
> 
> By the way, nothing is wrong with trying to initiate foreplay or sleep with YOUR WIFE.  Married couples need to be sexual. It is normal and nothing to be ashamed of.






I sometimes do the exact same thing to my wife , especially when she all dressed up and heading out!:rofl:
Her reaction is the same as yours,she swats me with her purse and calls me
" perv." in a sexy way...Sometimes she wiggles her hips seductively and then says.." hey !enough of that."


----------



## Complexity

I'd get uncomfortable too to be honest. Savour that kind of touching. After a while it does get annoying, borderline gropy.


----------



## Chaparral

Dan Carruthers said:


> ---Mortified..


Well the Meta cosmic entity is just left of the ethereal plain and just over the Astral Plane.


----------



## Chaparral

FirstYearDown said:


> Yeah, every woman is different when it comes to groping. I LOVE feeling my husband palm my ass or my breasts. It tells me that he finds me incredibly sexy and he just can't keep his hands off me. I only like this kind of attention from my husband.
> 
> Yesterday, my hubby bent me over and pretended to give me backshots (doggie style). I just laughed and swatted at my man. It is all in good fun.
> 
> By the way, nothing is wrong with trying to initiate foreplay or sleep with YOUR WIFE.  Married couples need to be sexual. It is normal and nothing to be ashamed of.


This is what worries me. I can't imagine a woman who is attracted to her husband not appreciating his attention. 

I think you should totally ignore her breasts for a couple of weeks and see if she changes her mind. 

If she asks why you quit playing with them, tell her they have started to sag and you are not intersted in them anymore..................just kidding.:rofl:


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## IAMCIV

I didn't read the whole tread but reading this makes me even more thankful for my wife. She loves breast play, has orgasms from licking or sometimes even squeezing them continously for a period of time. She even has orgasms while tit f-ing me. And after her orgasms, thanks me for making her feel so good. And I'm like no, no, no, Thank you! :smthumbup:

If I walk up behind her, and squeeze, she loves it. some times if she's walking up to me to talk to me, I'll cup her tit's and rub my face in them, and she'll say, "I know you love them," or something playfull. She loves that I love them so much. She'll put my hand on them while we're relaxing together if one of my hands insn't there already. 

It would be hard not to have my wife love the attention I love giving to her breast. My wife sees it like a compliment, like wow he really like's my body, and I spank her occasionally, might pinch her here and there, so it's not just breast stuff but I am a breast man and that's where a lot of my attention goes.

One question, my wife and I have high drives, maybe the fact that your wife feels like she has no libedo, and disliking your squeezing them go hand and hand. Is it just the breast grop she doesn't like, if you pinched her booty would she get mad? Maybe breast play reminds her of how much she doesn't want to have sex, which would be hard. I'm so spoiled.


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## lovingsummer

My husband is the same as you regarding breasts (Joe Cool)... When we were first together, I really didn't understand what the big deal was... They're breasts... I've had them all my life... big whoopie  But he is like you, it's a way for him to feel closer to me... mine are saggier DDD's after 2 kids but he loves them... he holds them when he bends down to kiss me, he cups them when I'm cooking and snuggles into my hair while thanking me for cooking... he loves to bury his face in them when we're cuddling facing eachother in bed and his absolute favorite is when I cuddle up behind him and put my boobs against his back while I'm tickling his back... he snores within seconds  It took me a while to figure this out (he also plays with my hair, kisses me good night, tells me sweet dreams, hand on butt etc.) We have been together 20 years now so hopefully you guys can find a happy medium with more time <3


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## lovingsummer

:rofl:


FirstYearDown said:


> Yeah, every woman is different when it comes to groping. I LOVE feeling my husband palm my ass or my breasts. It tells me that he finds me incredibly sexy and he just can't keep his hands off me. I only like this kind of attention from my husband.
> 
> Yesterday, my hubby bent me over and pretended to give me backshots (doggie style). I just laughed and swatted at my man. It is all in good fun.
> 
> By the way, nothing is wrong with trying to initiate foreplay or sleep with YOUR WIFE.  Married couples need to be sexual. It is normal and nothing to be ashamed of.


:rofl: I'm so glad that my husband isn't the only one that does that!!! Damn near every time I bend over... maybe if it didn't lead to sex so often... he would stop doing it... makes me wanted and desired for sure :smthumbup:


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## FirstYearDown

My husband's tendency to mime sex is hilarious and endearing. 

It's always so random and he manages to keep a straight face when he comes up behind me like that.


----------



## Stonewall

boobies make stonewall happy
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## *LittleDeer*

The big issue is she says she has no sex drive right now.

This is tied to her not wanting to be touched.

I would suggest working on the sexual dynamic between the two of you. If the sexual dynamic is good, then it is NEVER tiresome or annoying when your man touches your breasts, it is welcome and wonderful. 

Please think about what the dynamics are like, in all of your relationship.

How is your sex life?
Does your wife nag you?
Who has responsibility for what? (finances, chores etc??)
How is your emotional connection?


----------



## Caribbean Man

Stonewall;947154[B said:


> ]boobies make stonewall happy[/B]
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



:iagree::iagree::iagree:

"....A woman's breast is a man's comfort..."
Songs Of Solomon.


----------



## ocotillo

Dan Carruthers said:


> --Hmm, It is a Matter of Comprehensive n Progressive Knowledge Base...( what I have put forth,you shud read n comprehend The Manual correctly ) and it is not Restricted ...It is Both Comprehensive and Specific...and it edifies people who are restricted in the information.


Well there's a number of ways the captioned comment above could be construed, but in the spirit of progressiveness, I'll offer the clinical description of fetishism word for word from both the ICD-10 and DSM-IV-TR respectively:

*F65.0 Fetishism*

Reliance on some non-living object as a stimulus for sexual arousal and sexual gratification. Many fetishes are extensions of the human body, such as articles of clothing or footware. Other common examples are characterized by some particular texture such as rubber, plastic or leather. Fetish objects vary in the importance to the individual: in some cases they serve simply to enhance sexual excitement achieved in ordinary ways (e.g. having the partner wear a particular garment).

_-The ICD-10 Classification of Mental and Behavioural Disorders, World Health Organization, p. 170_




*302.81 Fetishism*

The paraphilic focus in Fetishism involves the use of nonliving objects (the "fetish"). Among the more common fetish objects are women's underpants, bras, stockings, shoes, boots, or other wearing apparel. The person with Fetishism frequently masturbates while holding, rubbing, or smelling the fetish object or may ask the sexual partner to wear the object during their sexual encounters. Usually the fetish is required or strongly preferred for sexual excitement, and in its absence there may be erectile dysfunction in males. 

_-Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders - Fourth Edition, American Psychiatric Association, p. 569 _​

The diagnostic separation of Partialism from Fetishism hinges on the fact that the body is in fact the primary distinction between the sexes and this is especially true when we're talking about clear examples of sexual dimorphism. Sexual fascination with body parts, therefore does not often fall as squarely under the umbrella of mental abnormality as a sexual fascination with inanimate objects.

For example, there are few men who don't enjoy the sight of a shapely pair of legs on an attractive female and there are few women who don't enjoy an expressive set of eyes on a handsome male. This is normative in humans and not a mental health disorder by any stretch. We therefore would not use terms intended to diagnose mental health disorders like 'Fetish,' to describe this attraction. 

When it comes to breasts, there are reams of literature in Evolutionary Biology on the development of the human breast in relation to the recession of the simian snout. Unlike other primates, humans have the nose and mouth on almost the exact same horizontal plane and this is especially true of human infants. Therefore while other primates are relatively flat chested even when lactating, this would present a problem for the human infant, because compression of the nostrils during lactation would cut off respiration.

That problem is solved by the shape of the human breast, which protrudes more than that of any other mammal. Therefore it's no surprise that a prominent pair of breasts would be perceived by a sizable percentage of males as a sexual marker and symbol of a good potential mate. Again, this is normative in humans and not a mental disorder.

I'll let the readers decide if I've comprehended the manual correctly.


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## Enchantment

Being enamoured of your wife's breasts is fine.

However, you are pushing her personal boundaries right now by continuing to pursue the kind of touches that *you* desire and are not touching her the way that *she* desires. You have to be careful with this kind of gambit, because it can make her adverse to ever being touched in the way that you would like.

Do you feel like she is fully engaged in your relationship? She sounds like she's uber-busy and a bit disengaged from it.

Have you looked at ways that you could re-engage with each other?

As far as the touching/groping of her breasts, I would suggest stopping it completely outside of times that you two are being overtly sexual. Lead the charge in trying to rebuild the trust and engagement in your relationship. If she can re-engage and trust again, she is more likely to be willing to engage in the kinds of touches that you desire ... but she isn't at that point yet. See if you can help to lead her there.

Best wishes.


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## marriedfor27years

You are correct. No one should be touching her and you should not be touching any other breasts. There are 2 things going on here. One is, some how she has convinced herself that you only love her for her breasts. The other is control. She may not even be aware of the second but by stopping you from touching her she is in control. Sense you can not touch any other breasts but hers, by keeping you from touching hers she controls your breast touching. I know it sounds strange but control is a life long struggle that you and her will deal with over and over again. Women have this notion that your love be separated from there bodies and you should love them even if they are, be careful here ugly. What if I get fat or become bald or loose my breasts. You will spend the rest of your life reassuring her that your love is above all that. The question does this dress make me look fat is really, do you love me even with a fat behind. So if you stop touching her breasts she will what to know what is wrong. If you keep trying to touch her breasts she will keep getting mad. Tell her you want to spend 20 minutes looking her in the eyes. Not touching not talking just looking. When you are done ask her how she feels. Lesson, when it is your turn to talk tell her for you love is expressed with touch, intimate touch. Each time you touch her you are really just saying I love you. You will also need to say it every time you touch her. Practice, touch her hand say I love you, touch her arm say I love you. Touch her neck, say I love you. Then touch her breasts and say I love you. After a while she will start liking your touch and even looking forward to it. As for the control part. This you need to talk about get it out in the open. It’s something you will dealing with for the rest of your lives. Start talking now.


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## Eco

Reading the OP's post reminded me so very much of an ex of mine. I had been used to lots of affection, and minimal boundaries but overflowing respect with my parters (first relationship lasted 14 years), and then came this one. She could not be touched through her clothes in any way (and she slept in clothes too), she could not be touched if we weren't in the bedroom, and made almost exactly the same comment about "going for the gold" when I'd spoon her at night and just wanted to hug her comfortably!! She would accuse me of "only wanting [her] for sex" if I would try to cuddle...and I was so affection starved that she could tell I was unsatisfied by something...she concluded that it was "just sex" that I wanted, even when I expressed my feelings on things and attempted to clarify my affectionate relationship style. 

Now, I am not a grabby guy, but the few times I'd touched her breasts she flipped out about it. I now know that most women want MORE breast attention than I tend to give (both in and out of bed), and yet this partner would freak out at any contact that wasn't during sex. Durring sex she wanted more breast attention than I gave, but ONLY then, and ONLY after she had undressed, and ONLY after she initiated. I am not really a "breast man" I guess, and see a woman's whole body as a uniformly sexy thing, but with her, it was impossible for me to be physically affectionate with her for days at a time, and it was killing me, a cuddly sort of man. I also observed that she would make a big deal about the "gross men" she would catch looking at her chest too (though for some reason she usually wears low cut shirts). I began to suspect some physical abuse in her past, and one night she just admitted it. 

It came out that the trauma she felt at being groped once by an older cousin, her uncle the Doctor who gave her "breast exams", and once on the street. These events were to forever taint being touched on her breasts when she wasn't initiating the touch, and anytime when it was through fabric. She had the ideas in her mind that men were like dogs, all of them. Does your partner have any sexual abuse in her past? I don't mean to suggest that you ask her that....but perhaps therapy is in order, and of course time, trust, and intimacy building. To me, the idea that my partner can not tolerate physical intimacy with me is a pretty significant thing, but I attempted to be there for her during our own trust and intimacy building, I never pressured or accused....but after a year with no progress, I had to ask if it was worth it. It wasn't. 

I still feel much compassion for this ex of mine, but I'm happy to have moved on to healthier partners - it became an all consuming, heartbreaking project to be with her, but reading your post still triggered a certain hurt and frustration, as well as empathy for you. I feel your pain and hope that the two of you can resolve it. My ex wasn't open to resolving anything, she wanted the world to see her as the victim, and was rooted in that thought process, she was OK with things like that, and her attitude was not conducive to change.


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## jaquen

Lawd. You're attracted to your wife, she's beautiful, and you love her breasts. OF COURSE YOU WANT TO TOUCH THEM. There isn't a damn thing wrong with you even if you want to touch, feel, and partake in their glory all day, every day. That's perfectly natural and healthy, so please don't spend another second of your life thinking you're perverted for wanting to touch a pair of breasts. It's not fetish and you have done not a single thing wrong. If anybody, including your wife, tries to suggest that anything is wrong with you for wanting to feel a pair of nice tits, shrug it off and keep right on moving.

Joe Cool, your issue, going by the info you've provided, makes me wonder if it's not her breasts that are the issue. You've said that the sex has dwindled because she's not as eager any longer. Seems that perhaps she doesn't want you touching her breasts as much because she doesn't want to even tempt you getting turned on, and thus wanting the sex that she is trying to avoid.

When her drive was higher, how did she feel about you touching her breasts? Or has she always had a stigma about her breasts (which could then suggest a deep insecurity, or perhaps sexual trauma).


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## Joe_Cool

jaquen said:


> Lawd. You're attracted to your wife, she's beautiful, and you love her breasts. OF COURSE YOU WANT TO TOUCH THEM. There isn't a damn thing wrong with you even if you want to touch, feel, and partake in their glory all day, every day. That's perfectly natural and healthy, so please don't spend another second of your life thinking you're perverted for wanting to touch a pair of breasts. It's not fetish and you have done not a single thing wrong. If anybody, including your wife, tries to suggest that anything is wrong with you for wanting to feel a pair of nice tits, shrug it off and keep right on moving.
> 
> Joe Cool, your issue, going by the info you've provided, makes me wonder if it's not her breasts that are the issue. You've said that the sex has dwindled because she's not as eager any longer. Seems that perhaps she doesn't want you touching her breasts as much because she doesn't want to even tempt you getting turned on, and thus wanting the sex that she is trying to avoid.
> 
> When her drive was higher, how did she feel about you touching her breasts? Or has she always had a stigma about her breasts (which could then suggest a deep insecurity, or perhaps sexual trauma).


You may have a good point there too. Though she has always reacted this way (a little less in the beginning, but I suspect she just didn't show it as much). 

I know there was a mild case of molestation when she was a younger girl that she's mentioned before, but she made it sound as if it was done and over so long ago, and didn't affect her as a grown woman. Maybe I didn't read into that correctly though. I think it was more a 'groping' scenario as well, or just showing her his goodies... I don't know all of the details.

Thanks for the advice regarding how I feel about boobs. I was really beginning to feel like a total perv and borderline molester after the first round of posts on here. Thank god more people chimed in - I don't feel quite so much like a a$$hole now...


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## Joe_Cool

Oh, and I really wish the 2 fetish guys would stop hijacking the thread to prove their superiority over one another...


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## jaquen

Joe_Cool said:


> You may have a good point there too. Though she has always reacted this way (a little less in the beginning, but I suspect she just didn't show it as much).
> 
> I know there was a mild case of molestation when she was a younger girl that she's mentioned before, but she made it sound as if it was done and over so long ago, and didn't affect her as a grown woman. Maybe I didn't read into that correctly though. I think it was more a 'groping' scenario as well, or just showing her his goodies... I don't know all of the details.



This is definitely very insightful. The use of the word "groping" has been throwing me off. Even if your wife isn't in the mood, the suggestion that you are "groping" her, as if you were some random stranger on the street, speaks volumes. There should be a vast difference between a man who enjoys, and loves to touch, his wife's breasts, and a man who is "groping" her. That your wife is categorizing you in that way is a huge red flag, and you should try and get her to have an open, honest conversation about why she feels comfortable putting her HUSBAND in that light. Perhaps if you're understanding enough, and you ask the right questions, she can begin to reveal how she truly feels about her breasts, and why.

Also how much sex does she actually desire these days?




Joe_Cool said:


> Thanks for the advice regarding how I feel about boobs. I was really beginning to feel like a total perv and borderline molester after the first round of posts on here. Thank god more people chimed in - I don't feel quite so much like a a$$hole now...


Frankly I laughed at those initial responses, and assumed they must be a joke. I can not believe anybody would make you feel wrong, or shameful, for having a genuine love, and desire, to touch a very attractive part of your wife's body.


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## Joe_Cool

Eco said:


> Reading the OP's post reminded me so very much of an ex of mine. I had been used to lots of affection, and minimal boundaries but overflowing respect with my parters (first relationship lasted 14 years), and then came this one. She could not be touched through her clothes in any way (and she slept in clothes too), she could not be touched if we weren't in the bedroom, and made almost exactly the same comment about "going for the gold" when I'd spoon her at night and just wanted to hug her comfortably!! She would accuse me of "only wanting [her] for sex" if I would try to cuddle...and I was so affection starved that she could tell I was unsatisfied by something...she concluded that it was "just sex" that I wanted, even when I expressed my feelings on things and attempted to clarify my affectionate relationship style.
> 
> Now, I am not a grabby guy, but the few times I'd touched her breasts she flipped out about it. I now know that most women want MORE breast attention than I tend to give (both in and out of bed), and yet this partner would freak out at any contact that wasn't during sex. Durring sex she wanted more breast attention than I gave, but ONLY then, and ONLY after she had undressed, and ONLY after she initiated. I am not really a "breast man" I guess, and see a woman's whole body as a uniformly sexy thing, but with her, it was impossible for me to be physically affectionate with her for days at a time, and it was killing me, a cuddly sort of man. I also observed that she would make a big deal about the "gross men" she would catch looking at her chest too (though for some reason she usually wears low cut shirts). I began to suspect some physical abuse in her past, and one night she just admitted it.
> 
> It came out that the trauma she felt at being groped once by an older cousin, her uncle the Doctor who gave her "breast exams", and once on the street. These events were to forever taint being touched on her breasts when she wasn't initiating the touch, and anytime when it was through fabric. She had the ideas in her mind that men were like dogs, all of them. Does your partner have any sexual abuse in her past? I don't mean to suggest that you ask her that....but perhaps therapy is in order, and of course time, trust, and intimacy building. To me, the idea that my partner can not tolerate physical intimacy with me is a pretty significant thing, but I attempted to be there for her during our own trust and intimacy building, I never pressured or accused....but after a year with no progress, I had to ask if it was worth it. It wasn't.
> 
> I still feel much compassion for this ex of mine, but I'm happy to have moved on to healthier partners - it became an all consuming, heartbreaking project to be with her, but reading your post still triggered a certain hurt and frustration, as well as empathy for you. I feel your pain and hope that the two of you can resolve it. My ex wasn't open to resolving anything, she wanted the world to see her as the victim, and was rooted in that thought process, she was OK with things like that, and her attitude was not conducive to change.


Thanks a lot for sharing this Eco. It helps a lot to know that I'm not alone in my feelings. I'm just a super affectionate guy (which my wife has acknowledged, with a slight tinge of annoyance that I'm not sure she knows that I picked up on...). She is definitely not as affectionate (always has been this way, even when we first met).

I'm sure that this plays into the issue. We each have different thresholds of affection that we expect to give/get. I don't mind getting less, thats okay - but I really start feeling depressed if I can't show my affection towards her.

I don't just show my affection via touching (not 'groping' - I don't root around feeling it - if I'm touching her breast, my hand is just gently rested on it without moving). I also hold her hand, have my arm around her, rest my hand on her thigh, rub her scalp, the back of her neck, etc. But variety is the spice of life, and as affectionate as I am, I don't want to just hold her hand every time, just as I don't touch her breast every time. 

But I suppose that I am very tactile when it comes to showing my affection. Its been very hard lately. I've been trying to purposefully not show as much physical affection lately. I've still been sending her texts every now and again telling her 'I love you', or getting her flowers, etc. But i'm backing off of the physical affection. I'm not spooning her in the bed, and haven't touched her breasts at all. God its difficult to do, the first couple nights I didn't sleep very well. I kept wanting to hold her. I finally at least just rested my hand on her side for a while.

I think she is noticing - she asked me if I was okay a couple of times yesterday. I guess that would be my opening to talk to her about it, but I really just feel like it will end up blowing up in my face. 

I guess I'm hoping by torturing myself in this endeavor of backing off with my physical affections, she will notice, and maybe *hopefully* miss it.

Think I'm way off in my thinking? I don't want to make things worse...


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## youkiddingme

Just got to tell you that it would be well worth the investment to visit a marriage counselor. You need to find out what is at the root of this. It is not normal, not natural, and it is harming the most precious thing in your life....your marriage.
You need to discover if in fact you have been a jerk in this and that has caused resentment....or whether something else altogether is going on. Is it stress? Is it something more? Is there someone else she would rather have rubbing them? Whatever it is...obviously there is something with roots growing deeper between you. FIND OUT. Don't waste precious years....don't let this thing get worse.


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## livelaughlovenow

Joe_Cool said:


> You may have a good point there too. Though she has always reacted this way (a little less in the beginning, but I suspect she just didn't show it as much).
> 
> I know there was a mild case of molestation when she was a younger girl that she's mentioned before, but she made it sound as if it was done and over so long ago, and didn't affect her as a grown woman. Maybe I didn't read into that correctly though. I think it was more a 'groping' scenario as well, or just showing her his goodies... I don't know all of the details.
> 
> Thanks for the advice regarding how I feel about boobs. I was really beginning to feel like a total perv and borderline molester after the first round of posts on here. Thank god more people chimed in - I don't feel quite so much like a a$$hole now...


Absolutely Glad others chimed in, that have been going thru some stuff and been there. I would talk with her about this thing when she was a young child... in your talks you may find that is part of it, and can find ways to reassure her that you are wanting them for an entirely different reason, because they are part of her. I know one time my husband said he wished he could take mine off and keep em for a day... I was like jeeze, thanks.... NOT. lol. Communicate. And remember to love all of her, and tell her, start with her heart. Start with telling her all the things you love about her personality... then lead into the physical stuff... Have you had any conversations yet? You should post updates, seems from other posts you are not the only man with this problem.


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## sandc

Yeah, first of all there is nothing wrong with being fascinated with your wife's breasts, or her pnssy for that matter. We're guys. We don't have those things so we're going to be fascinated by them. They are what make women beautiful and alluring and delightfully mysterious to us. Sounds like she's got a bit of a controlling nature to her, probably all part of being a doctor. She needs to remember though that you're not a professional colleague, you're her husband. She is not a professional colleague of yours, she is your wife. As a wife and a woman she needs to expect that you are going to want to touch her body. I think you've made really reasonable attempts to reassure her that you don't love her for just her body. She sounds like she's fighting body image at work. Maybe she has to fight to be taken seriously at work (since she is an attractive woman.) Maybe she's bringing this home.

If a frank talk with her about these issues won't work then you might need to see a marriage counselor. If she's like any of the doctors I know she won't go. Doctors tend to know everything and don't need help. At least the one's I know. All I can recommend is read the books that have been suggested, try to talk to her, try to get her into marriage counselling, and best of luck bud.

And remember YOU'RE NOT A PERVERT!! YOU'RE A GUY!


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## bkaydezz

Joe_Cool said:


> Sooo, my wife and I have been married for 4 years. I love her to death, and I know she feels the same. I feel like there is a huge barrier between us though - her breasts... Ya, I know a few jokes can be inserted there, but its true! She is a petite, beautiful and smart woman with gorgeous long hair and the most amazing pair of natural (c cup) breasts that are proportionate to her body (not overly large, and definitely not too small).
> 
> Let me start by saying: I love bewbies. Probably too much. I know I drove her crazy in the beginning of our relationship. I would walk up behind her (in private), and reach around to gently cup her breasts while she was cooking in the kitchen, or do the same while laying with her on the couch and watching television, etc.
> 
> Now I have to say in my defense, I wasn't trying to initiate foreplay or try to get her to sleep with me. Its just really comforting and intimate (to me!), to be able to touch my wife's breasts. I mean no one else _should_ be touching them but me and her, so its a very special link between us in my mind.
> 
> After a while, she started complaining that all I cared about were her breasts, and that I'm always 'groping' her. I got the feeling she felt as though I looked at her as a walking sex machine with a couple of funbags attached in the front. Soooo, I decided to change my behavior. I didn't want her to think this way, so I stopped doing that. And it was *very* difficult for me, as much as I love her breasts (they are just so frigging perfect and beautiful!)
> 
> I limited my attention to her breasts to the bedroom and during sexual situations. Given this, I still loved cuddling with her in bed (no sex expected on my part), and just gently resting my hand on her chest and breast. I would just lay spooned with her like that, and would be happy as a clam. I made a concentrated effort to *not* move my hand, so she wouldn't think I was 'groping' her. I thought of these moments as very special and intimate between us.
> 
> But sometimes when I even do just this, she will physically grab my hand, pick it up, and remove it from her, saying something like 'Geez, going for the gold 'eh?' Then I would feel like a perverted *******, and get pissed off, not touching her for the rest of the night.
> 
> So I tried changing once again. Now I try giving her equal attention across her body (she enjoys having her scalp gently massaged, for instance), and not focusing on the breast as much. I'm a man though, and can't help it. I love her breasts and I get so angry that she hates them (she sometimes refers to them as big globs of fat hanging off of her chest), and assumes I just want to play with them for sexual reasons.
> 
> I am a good looking guy, 35, pretty fit, and she is gorgeous, 32 with a body to die for. We have no kids (neither has ever had any). She has never told me that her breasts are sore - though I know she doesn't get a lot of feeling there, so foreplay with her breasts is more for my benefit I suppose, then hers. But she KNOWS how much I love her breasts, yet she continually makes me feel like a pervert for doing so...
> 
> I don't know what to do. Last night when this happened again (her picking up my hand and moving it), I just got so pissed. I didn't say anything, just rolled over and didn't bother touching her for the rest of the night. I am a *very* cuddly guy, so this was unusual, and she noticed. I could tell she felt bad in the morning, asking me what was wrong, but I just didn't want to get into a fight at the start of the day about it... She is a doctor, working very long and stressful hours. She even admitted that her libido is practically non-existent these days. So I don't want to stress her out even more about this. I just don't know how to approach the situation.



If this is something you do all the time, then why is it all of a sudden bothering her?

i have to say i believe there is a part of everyones body that their lover is very infatuated with.
Mine just happens to be my breasts for my Bf as well.
I have no problem with him grabbing them and touching them all the time. 
Everynow and again when we talk he starts to fondle them and i may move his hand so that he understands i am in a serious moment and want his undivided attention.
Other than that, i know he loves them. I let him mess with them as they are his, just as mine.
I love his butt i do the same thing to him all the time! It doesnt bother him either.

Maybe you should stop touching them all together for a while and see if she asks why you dont touch them anymore.
Just let her know its because she is rejecting your love for her body.
Thats what i would try anyways.


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## ocotillo

Joe_Cool said:


> Oh, and I really wish the 2 fetish guys would stop hijacking the thread to prove their superiority over one another...


Not deliberately trying to hijack your thread. I like boobs too and don't like the idea that this constitutes a mental disorder. --Sorry


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## HereWithoutYou

Some women don't like to be grabbed outside of sex. 

I personally don't mind my DF grabbing me, lol. It makes me feel wanted and it's comforting to know he can't keep his paws off me!  

...Plus, I'm proud of my boobs.


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## OhhShiney

Joe_Cool said:


> I still loved cuddling with her in bed (no sex expected on my part), and just gently resting my hand on her chest and breast. I would just lay spooned with her like that, and would be happy as a clam.
> 
> ...
> But sometimes when I even do just this, she will physically grab my hand, pick it up, and remove it from her, saying something like 'Geez, going for the gold 'eh?' Then I would feel like a perverted *******, and get pissed off, not touching her for the rest of the night.


This happens to me with my wife. She is very touchy about being touched, and will always move my hand away from her breast. When she first did this, I was surprised and said that I was not doing this for sex (I really wasn't). I told her she could trust me, I just liked to hold them, and it really does help me fall asleep as it's a very comfortable, warm, soft, activity. 

She told me that the holding was about me and not about her, and that maybe I should consider that SHE couldn't trust herself to not become aroused. 

She may have a point. She can be very passionate, and when she is most passionate she sometimes grabs me and slams my hand or face to her breasts. I do think that maybe, yes, she is very sensitive there. 

She seems to try to NOT become aroused unless she wants to become aroused. And she has some sort of built in limit in her head about how often is often enough. Not a schedule exactly, but she is also a bit of a control freak. 

I feel your frustration, believe me. Whenever she pulls my hand away I have to fight the urge to feel hurt or that I'm somehow perverted.

I am probably one of the rare guys out there who actually likes to cuddle and neck more than his wife, and doesn't always expect to "go for the gold."


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## OhhShiney

jaquen said:


> When her drive was higher, how did she feel about you touching her breasts? Or has she always had a stigma about her breasts (which could then suggest a deep insecurity, or perhaps sexual trauma).


This is a good point. I've always wondered if my wife had been groped when she was younger. She does NOT like to be touched.

The first time I spent the night with her she almost attacked me when I accidentally woke her up when I spooned her reflexively when I was asleep. She would jump whenever I every so slightly touched her for quite some time, even if my leg brushed her. She STILL is quite a light sleeper. 

She is VERY sensitive on her skin. I am as well. It seems that some people are VERY sensitive to touch.


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## momtwo4

I can see both sides to this. I don't think think there is anything wrong with admiring your wife's breasts and enjoying it when you touch them. I don't think you are juvenile at all for this.

At the same time, I understand where your wife is coming from. I'm one of those women that doesn't really enjoy it when my husband grabs my breasts outside of sex. For me, it's really hard to separate it from sex. I also like my personal space. I love it when he grabs my hand, gives me a hug, or runs his hands through my hair. But sometimes touching my breasts is just too much. And even though we are married, I still need my space and privacy sometimes.

If she doesn't like it, I would respect that and stop--at least for a while. She needs to know that you're willing to respect her wishes on this. She'll probably "lighten up" about it when she sees that.


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## Joe_Cool

livelaughlovenow said:


> Absolutely Glad others chimed in, that have been going thru some stuff and been there. I would talk with her about this thing when she was a young child... in your talks you may find that is part of it, and can find ways to reassure her that you are wanting them for an entirely different reason, because they are part of her. I know one time my husband said he wished he could take mine off and keep em for a day... I was like jeeze, thanks.... NOT. lol. Communicate. And remember to love all of her, and tell her, start with her heart. Start with telling her all the things you love about her personality... then lead into the physical stuff... Have you had any conversations yet? You should post updates, seems from other posts you are not the only man with this problem.


Well it just so happened we did talk yesterday evening about it. I was pretty surprised to be honest. She had the day off (first day of a badly needed vacation for her), and decided to go pick up all of the ingredients for a special dinner for me. I got home, and was surprised to find that she was cooking up a storm, had what she called 'man-flowers' out for me, my favorite chocolates, and one of the sweetest cards that she has ever written me (she's not a big card writer). 

She told me that she could tell that I was down in the dumps for the past couple of days (thats around the time I stopped cuddling with her and touching her breasts entirely). She said she felt like it was because she was away working so much, and that she didn't spend her time at home, _really being at home_. She said she was still thinking about her dying patients at work, etc. (she's still a 2nd year resident, so she's new at these responsibilities, and trying to get a handle on them). 

She also said she thought I was down in the dumps because we weren't having sex enough, and that she would work on that. This is where I stepped in and tried my best to re-assure her that sex was not the issue at all - that we can completely take sex out of this issue. I told her that I was upset for a couple of days, but that it wasn't her fault, just something that I was trying to work through on my own. I explained that I felt like I was overly-affectionate, and I felt it was starting to annoy her. I said that it seemed that our thresholds for affection weren't really matching up, and that I would do my best to make it more comfortable for the two of us with regards to that.

Sooo, long story short, I feel like this is a good beginning for us with regards to communicating on the issue. We still have a ways to go, I know, and am just happy that I have somewhere to start.

This morning, I was still trying to give her space without spooning her. I just gently placed my hand on her side (waist). She then gently took my hand and placed it on her breast - we never said anything. I just sighed and cuddled up behind her, letting her know that she made my morning...


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## CleanJerkSnatch

Awesome. I can totally relate to this thread.


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## lalsr1988

I am always grabbing my wife's breasts and butt. There is no part of her body that is off limits to me. She jokingly asks who gave me permission to touch her there and when I say she did by putting on her wedding band she laughs and gives me a kiss. A lot of times at night in bed she will physically place my hands on her breasts before falling asleep. It's comforting, it's sexy, and its full of love. I thank the Gods for the woman I have because I would not put up with a wife who wouldn't let me touch her. But that's just me lol. My woman is perfect for me
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lovingsummer

I'm so happy that you posted an outcome to this Joe Cool.... clapping happy for you both


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## jaquen

lalsr1988 said:


> I am always grabbing my wife's breasts and butt. There is no part of her body that is off limits to me. She jokingly asks who gave me permission to touch her there and when I say she did by putting on her wedding band she laughs and gives me a kiss. A lot of times at night in bed she will physically place my hands on her breasts before falling asleep. It's comforting, it's sexy, and its full of love. I thank the Gods for the woman I have because I would not put up with a wife who wouldn't let me touch her. But that's just me lol. My woman is perfect for me
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



I could have written this entire post, almost word for word (only part I would have changed is the "who gave you permission". We do that, but it's usually in reverse with my wife going for my johnson, me playing a little hard to get, and her telling me that he's as much hers as he is mine lol). My wife sounds like yours, and we are very blessed men to have women like this. TAM has really helped me feel more grateful for my wife than ever before, and I was already super grateful to begin with.


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## lalsr1988

jaquen said:


> I could have written this entire post, almost word for word (only part I would have changed is the "who gave you permission". We do that, but it's usually in reverse with my wife going for my johnson, me playing a little hard to get, and her telling me that he's as much hers as he is mine lol). My wife sounds like yours, and we are very blessed men to have women like this. TAM has really helped me feel more grateful for my wife than ever before, and I was already super grateful to begin with.




agreed 100%
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Caribbean Man

jaquen said:


> I could have written this entire post, almost word for word (only part I would have changed is the "who gave you permission". *We do that, but it's usually in reverse with my wife going for my johnson, me playing a little hard to get, and her telling me that he's as much hers as he is mine lol).* My wife sounds like yours, and we are very blessed men to have women like this. TAM has really helped me feel more grateful for my wife than ever before, and I was already super grateful to begin with.


My wife does the same to me at home. Sometimes she even does it in a
" sneaky " way when we are in public ,just to see my reaction and probably to
" mark her territory."
She says " THIS belongs to me..."
I have no problem with it because absolutely loves me to touch her. Nowhere is ever off limits.[ to her]


----------



## morituri

Eco said:


> Reading the OP's post reminded me so very much of an ex of mine. I had been used to lots of affection, and minimal boundaries but overflowing respect with my parters (first relationship lasted 14 years), and then came this one. She could not be touched through her clothes in any way (and she slept in clothes too), she could not be touched if we weren't in the bedroom, and made almost exactly the same comment about "going for the gold" when I'd spoon her at night and just wanted to hug her comfortably!! She would accuse me of "only wanting [her] for sex" if I would try to cuddle...and I was so affection starved that she could tell I was unsatisfied by something...she concluded that it was "just sex" that I wanted, even when I expressed my feelings on things and attempted to clarify my affectionate relationship style.
> 
> Now, I am not a grabby guy, but the few times I'd touched her breasts she flipped out about it. I now know that most women want MORE breast attention than I tend to give (both in and out of bed), and yet this partner would freak out at any contact that wasn't during sex. Durring sex she wanted more breast attention than I gave, but ONLY then, and ONLY after she had undressed, and ONLY after she initiated. I am not really a "breast man" I guess, and see a woman's whole body as a uniformly sexy thing, but with her, it was impossible for me to be physically affectionate with her for days at a time, and it was killing me, a cuddly sort of man. I also observed that she would make a big deal about the "gross men" she would catch looking at her chest too (though for some reason she usually wears low cut shirts). I began to suspect some physical abuse in her past, and one night she just admitted it.
> 
> It came out that the trauma she felt at being groped once by an older cousin, her uncle the Doctor who gave her "breast exams", and once on the street. These events were to forever taint being touched on her breasts when she wasn't initiating the touch, and anytime when it was through fabric. She had the ideas in her mind that men were like dogs, all of them. Does your partner have any sexual abuse in her past? I don't mean to suggest that you ask her that....but perhaps therapy is in order, and of course time, trust, and intimacy building. To me, the idea that my partner can not tolerate physical intimacy with me is a pretty significant thing, but I attempted to be there for her during our own trust and intimacy building, I never pressured or accused....but after a year with no progress, I had to ask if it was worth it. It wasn't.
> 
> I still feel much compassion for this ex of mine, but I'm happy to have moved on to healthier partners - it became an all consuming, heartbreaking project to be with her, but reading your post still triggered a certain hurt and frustration, as well as empathy for you. I feel your pain and hope that the two of you can resolve it. My ex wasn't open to resolving anything, she wanted the world to see her as the victim, and was rooted in that thought process, she was OK with things like that, and her attitude was not conducive to change.


Sometimes we end up paying for the sins of others, I certainly did with my cheating ex-wife.

OP you've been given good advice as far as comunication with your wife is concerned but if after following it things don't improve, then you may want to think about cutting your losses and move on with your life.


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## IAMCIV

Joe_Cool said:


> Well it just so happened we did talk yesterday evening about it. I was pretty surprised to be honest. She had the day off (first day of a badly needed vacation for her), and decided to go pick up all of the ingredients for a special dinner for me. I got home, and was surprised to find that she was cooking up a storm, had what she called 'man-flowers' out for me, my favorite chocolates, and one of the sweetest cards that she has ever written me (she's not a big card writer).
> 
> She told me that she could tell that I was down in the dumps for the past couple of days (thats around the time I stopped cuddling with her and touching her breasts entirely). She said she felt like it was because she was away working so much, and that she didn't spend her time at home, _really being at home_. She said she was still thinking about her dying patients at work, etc. (she's still a 2nd year resident, so she's new at these responsibilities, and trying to get a handle on them).
> 
> She also said she thought I was down in the dumps because we weren't having sex enough, and that she would work on that. This is where I stepped in and tried my best to re-assure her that sex was not the issue at all - that we can completely take sex out of this issue. I told her that I was upset for a couple of days, but that it wasn't her fault, just something that I was trying to work through on my own. I explained that I felt like I was overly-affectionate, and I felt it was starting to annoy her. I said that it seemed that our thresholds for affection weren't really matching up, and that I would do my best to make it more comfortable for the two of us with regards to that.
> 
> Sooo, long story short, I feel like this is a good beginning for us with regards to communicating on the issue. We still have a ways to go, I know, and am just happy that I have somewhere to start.
> 
> This morning, I was still trying to give her space without spooning her. I just gently placed my hand on her side (waist). She then gently took my hand and placed it on her breast - we never said anything. I just sighed and cuddled up behind her, letting her know that she made my morning...


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## missymrs80

kag123 said:


> Ok my husband has this same idea, that he wants to constantly touch my boobs.
> 
> Personally, I hate it, outside of sex.
> 
> It just feels degrading, and uncomfortable. I don't walk by him and grab his balls everytime I pass him. I find it uncomfortable to constantly be touched there. It's like being treated like a sex object 24/7.
> 
> Also, I dont like any part of my body to be treated like a play toy for his amusement, which is kind of what it feels like when he won't lay off. Sort of like a little boy pawing at my boobs in fascination - I guess a woman might feel like a grown man should have more self control? I don't know. It's hard to explain.
> 
> Also, if you have done this constantly, you may have created the negative association in her yourself. I think you need to back up and stop for awhile and let her get over the negative feelings.


I respect your opinion but.....aren't husbands and wives each others, umm sex objects? I knew when I got married that my husband would want to have sex with me.....I would be upset if he didn't grab all over me. Sometimes breasts get sore/tender so that's one thing...I let my husband do w/e he wants with my boobs. But I know that when I really tired or had a long day at work or on my period...boob grabbing drives me nuts in a bad way. I have d cup natural and it drew a lot of unwanted attention in jr. High and high school....and going to the beach with friends in highschool was uncomfortable as well...they were all flat as a board and I felt like a gave off the impression that I was a wanna be porn star. And other girls always would say how they wanted to trade breasts with me....and always commented on them and how lucky I was which sounds nice but it was weird for me. I just always remember there being a focus on my breasts which felt strange in some way because they were mine....and they are private if you will....so I hated that everyone felt like they had the right to talk about it. Guys included. In high school and beyond it was like if you have a nice rack guys think/thought they have free rein in explicitly admiring them. Ask her about all that lol


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## FirstYearDown

I enjoy being my husband's sex object! I don't understand why that is degrading. :scratchhead:


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## Pandakiss

FirstYearDown said:


> I enjoy being my husband's sex object! I don't understand why that is degrading. :scratchhead:



Me too. I love it! He is obsessed with me (his exact words) and I'm his and he is mine. 

I'm always groping him...esp in public. I was at his job recently, and went to do the up the leg rub and grab him, his co worker walked by at that exact moment, and crashed into something. To funny. 

But, I don't feel used I don't feel like a blow up doll or a hooker. 

I like my husband. I like him to touch me. I love to touch him.


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## Caribbean Man

Well I guess from reading this entire thread, some women are just wired differently with respect to this " touchy" issue.
Also it seems that depending on the state of the relationship with their SO,their desire to be touched in that way may increase or wane.

In the beginning of our marriage , my wife used to complain that I never touched her like that outside of the sex,she cried and said she wanted me to touch her all the time.

Growing up,I was taught that " decent men" don't touch their women like that,and " good girls" don't allow men to touch them like that.
I had to do a lot of de programming..............
I was raised by a divorced,single , uber religious / conservative mother.


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## chillymorn

sorry if someone else mentioned this ...I didn't read all the replies.

she probly wants you to pinch her nipple instead of just caressing her breast. tune it in like a radio station ALL women like that!

on a more serious note. My wife also has very nice tatas! and she has said all her life people have looked even bosses and what not. she catches their eyes as shes talking to them and it makes them feel like thats all they got is nice t*ts. so they get hyper sensitive about it.

I would tell her thats its definatly one of the things that you love about her but that its only one small part of what you love about her and it the total package that really dose it for you.


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## chillymorn

then say now come her and show me the gold!!!!!because I anit going to quit liking them!


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## OnlyHis

Now, I haven't read through every response, so if I'm being repetitive, please pardon... but it sounds as if your wife has some underlying reasons for her responses to your advances. Really, changing in the other room and hiding herself? Phew... I am sorry! Now, have you talked to her about her adolescence? Did she 'develop' early? Was she teased, harassed, or invaded in any way? She sounds to me to have a deep-seated reason for her discomfort and heightened sensitivity to your attraction to her breasts. Outside of you. You dear! How wonderfully you have responded by taking her into consideration! Even asking these questions is heartfelt and shows your concern for her and for your intimacy. You are NOT selfish, you are normal. See, I was not personally endowed with the perfect 'set' and would love to have the attention you pay to her. She may see it as a painful reminder of what she hates... Sounds like you two could use a therapist. (No offense! I believe we ALL can benefit!) It can be hard to share your deepest feelings with your spouse! She needs to understand that there is love in your caress, not lust. Not fetish. She needs to come to terms with her body and with your intentions, which are not to harm her, lust after her or use her. I feel so strongly about the need to understand your partner and allow them to enjoy your body! To 'share' each other with respect and gentleness. I feel for you and truly think that if you haven't already, couples counseling could be of great benefit. She needs to understand how you feel and sometimes it can be less threatening listening to you share these feelings with someone else (in her presence) than having them directed at her. Who knows, she may have a 'eureka' moment and realize she wants to help your love life and attention to her 'bewbies' isn't such an awful thing... coming from the right person with the right intentions. Best of luck to you on this very difficult subject.


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## JustDroppingIn

Joe_Cool said:


> She even admitted that her libido is practically non-existent these days.


Sorry for bringing up an old thread, but this caught my eye. If you don't mind me asking, what kind of birth control are you using? I ask because I've seen many times when hormonal based birth control diminishes or kills the woman's libido.


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## bubbly girl

I don't understand your wife's way of thinking. I'm ecstatic that after all these years together, having kids, and growing older that my husband still loves my body...especially my breasts.

He touches and grabs me playfully all the time, and loves to fall asleep spooning me with his hand cupping a boob.

If the day ever comes that my husband no longer desires me sexually, I'm going to be one sad chica.


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## Vanguard

kag123 said:


> Ok my husband has this same idea, that he wants to constantly touch my boobs.
> 
> Personally, I hate it, outside of sex.
> 
> It just feels degrading, and uncomfortable. I don't walk by him and grab his balls everytime I pass him. I find it uncomfortable to constantly be touched there. It's like being treated like a sex object 24/7.
> 
> Also, I dont like any part of my body to be treated like a play toy for his amusement, which is kind of what it feels like when he won't lay off. Sort of like a little boy pawing at my boobs in fascination - I guess a woman might feel like a grown man should have more self control? I don't know. It's hard to explain.
> 
> Also, if you have done this constantly, you may have created the negative association in her yourself. I think you need to back up and stop for awhile and let her get over the negative feelings.


Have you *tried* grabbing his balls every time you walk by? Because I can promise you he would like that.

A lot of you ladies will eventually long for the days when men wanted to touch you. I can't believe that it's come to the point where women are complaining that men find them desirable.


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## hope4family

First off. Boob touching to most men is not the equivalent of sex. Only sex is the equivalent of sex. 

I long for the early days in my relationships where woman are in the infatuation phase and are into physical touch followed by sex. I am a strong physical touch person and I desire to touch every single inch almost all the time. 

So let me sum up. Most men want to touch their wives. It's a compliment that you are the only one for him. Also most men do NOT touch other women or multiple women in the way they touch you. You are ALL he's got. That's it. Period. If you can't meet a compromise, then you should get out of the way and let him find someone who can.

For the ladies. If your life is stressful, find ways to detox and draw yourself closer to your husband. Date your husband again. Not once a week but 3-4x + if you can help it. Not just "dinner & movie" but go dancing, dress up, walks on the beach/park, just bring out your "A" game. (This goes for men too.) 

My advice to men. Make your wives lives memorable and push harder to meet her emotional needs. Dig deeper then you ever have. Ask, study, write down what works and what doesn't so you don't forget, take her out for the weekend away from work and kids. Romance her, sacrifice a friggin meal for a flower if you have to. This is the woman you "loved" when you married and while you shouldn't be a doormat you should make sure she isn't seeing you as a "partner" rather then a husband/boyfriend.


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## missymrs80

ocotillo said:


> Well according to both the ICD-10 and the DSM-IV-TR, a fetish is a sexual fixation on an inanimate object, like a shoe, stocking or undergarment.
> 
> It is a psychological disorder, usually classed as Axis I, where the object becomes absolutely necessary for sexual gratification.
> 
> Sexual fixation on a non-sexual part of the body, like legs, feet, breasts, etc., can be considered a related paraphilia called a 'partialism' if and when interest in that body part supplants interest in the sexual parts of the body.


The DSM V is coming out soon so i wonder if any of that will change. Ive never used that diagosis. Many diagnoses in the DSM are taken with a grain of salt.

Homosexuality used to be considered a mental disorder and was once in the DSM btw.


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## Racer

It is good you are talking about it... just tread carefully. Your story reminds me of how our downward spiral started.

I too feel comforted and special when I get to touch my wife’s breast. Kind of a little personal thrill that this beautiful woman wants to be with me. I feel special I am allowed in that place. It is extremely intimate to me. (Think like a kiss might be for others) Now, somewhere in there, she got it in her head that “this is all you think about” assuming sex. She’s hung up on it being ‘sexual’. So, I got the hand slaps, her removing my hands and so forth. Like you, I’d get angry and roll over. 

And we talked... Work, stress, tender at times of the month, sweaty, fat, tired, etc.; Always a reason ‘not to let me’. It started creeping over into the sex as well. Maybe if I did more for her to help her feel a bit more charitable? I started doing more and more. While this worked in the short term, I had also unknowingly established an exchange rate in her head. And all along, it became more and more ingrained into her that I only valued her for my own sexual delight.... AND because I was doing more, she started taking for granted that I was doing these things above and beyond... they no longer had value and just became ‘normal’ things I should be doing. That sort of inflation eventually put her price on intimacy above my normal capabilities.... enter the sexless marriage.

It has zero to do with fetishes or my respect for her. It also has very little to do with sexual advances. It had a lot to do with me feeling a special bond with my lover and wife and expressing/receiving this. Imagine if it was a kiss. A kiss doesn’t mean that is “all I think about” or have to lead to anything sexual. An intimate touch is what I wanted. My wife translated ‘intimate’ into ‘sexual’. “Sexual” she wasn’t feeling..... I get that. Yet, she wanted “intimate”. For her that was something else entirely.... she never understood that I do not tick like her. I lacked the experience and the insight back then.... passing it on to you.

Get the Five Love Languages book someone suggested earlier and read it together. Talk about and define what intimacy is for you. It can help.


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## jaquen

Racer said:


> It is good you are talking about it... just tread carefully. Your story reminds me of how our downward spiral started.
> 
> I too feel comforted and special when I get to touch my wife’s breast. Kind of a little personal thrill that this beautiful woman wants to be with me. I feel special I am allowed in that place. It is extremely intimate to me. (Think like a kiss might be for others) Now, somewhere in there, she got it in her head that “this is all you think about” assuming sex. She’s hung up on it being ‘sexual’. So, I got the hand slaps, her removing my hands and so forth. Like you, I’d get angry and roll over.
> 
> And we talked... Work, stress, tender at times of the month, sweaty, fat, tired, etc.; Always a reason ‘not to let me’. It started creeping over into the sex as well. Maybe if I did more for her to help her feel a bit more charitable? I started doing more and more. While this worked in the short term, I had also unknowingly established an exchange rate in her head. And all along, it became more and more ingrained into her that I only valued her for my own sexual delight.... AND because I was doing more, she started taking for granted that I was doing these things above and beyond... they no longer had value and just became ‘normal’ things I should be doing. That sort of inflation eventually put her price on intimacy above my normal capabilities.... enter the sexless marriage.
> 
> It has zero to do with fetishes or my respect for her. It also has very little to do with sexual advances. It had a lot to do with me feeling a special bond with my lover and wife and expressing/receiving this. Imagine if it was a kiss. A kiss doesn’t mean that is “all I think about” or have to lead to anything sexual. An intimate touch is what I wanted. My wife translated ‘intimate’ into ‘sexual’. “Sexual” she wasn’t feeling..... I get that. Yet, she wanted “intimate”. For her that was something else entirely.... she never understood that I do not tick like her. I lacked the experience and the insight back then.... passing it on to you.
> 
> Get the Five Love Languages book someone suggested earlier and read it together. Talk about and define what intimacy is for you. It can help.


This is just sad.

Sorry you went through this.


----------



## Racer

jaquen said:


> This is just sad.
> 
> Sorry you went through this.


But at least we recovered.... Better than most who ended up in nearly sexless marriages.


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## Caribbean Man

hope4family said:


> So let me sum up. Most men want to touch their wives. It's a compliment that you are the only one for him. Also most men do NOT touch other women or multiple women in the way they touch you. You are ALL he's got. That's it. Period. If you can't meet a compromise, then you should get out of the way and let him find someone who can.


:iagree: x 1000%


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## GinnyTonia

I'm so jealous. I married a butt guy, and while I have a respectable derrière, I have amazing knockers, 32DD, made even more impressive because they've held up after two pregnancies and nursing both babies. 
Why can't my bewbies get some love? LOL!!


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## Serif

I know this is an old topic and I'm a new member, but it's this topic that got me to finally start posting on this site after lurking for a while.

Joe, is it possible to get an update. What you tried, how it helped/ didn't? I know I had a fantastic epiphany after reading through this thread that has revolutionized me and my wife's day-to-day intimacy.


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## Catherine602

chapparal said:


> Men and women are totally different and you are not looking at this through your husbands eyes or any other mans eyes. I predict trouble.


What kind of trouble? 

A simple request is just that. No reason to elevate it to the level of an offense to the basic nature of the genders. 

It's important to let your partner know when they are doing something that annoys you no matter how small. It's the little things that lead to big resentments in a LTR. 

OP you may have a hard time honoring your wife's request but it is important that you do. You love your wife and want to have a long and happy marriage. You have to take the long view and set up patterns that will insure that. 

I find some of the things you describe far more disturbing than the breast stuff. Why is her libido so low? The work explanation does not wash. Is there a man that she talks about or does she have a male friend? 

Why are you decreasing your importance in her life by allowing her professional busyness to interfere with marital intimacy. What is the oral sex thing all about? 

You are too nice. You don't have to be a jerk but you need to keep your status by being masterful as a man. Are you a professional too? Can your provide more info about your relationship. 

I think you are sleeping at the wheel. In my opinion, you are close to being derailed in your marriage.


----------



## Catherine602

hope4family said:


> First off. Boob touching to most men is not the equivalent of sex. Only sex is the equivalent of sex.
> 
> I long for the early days in my relationships where woman are in the infatuation phase and are into physical touch followed by sex. I am a strong physical touch person and I desire to touch every single inch almost all the time.
> 
> So let me sum up. Most men want to touch their wives. It's a compliment that you are the only one for him. Also most men do NOT touch other women or multiple women in the way they touch you. You are ALL he's got. That's it. Period. If you can't meet a compromise, then you should get out of the way and let him find someone who can.
> 
> For the ladies. If your life is stressful, find ways to detox and draw yourself closer to your husband. Date your husband again. Not once a week but 3-4x + if you can help it. Not just "dinner & movie" but go dancing, dress up, walks on the beach/park, just bring out your "A" game. (This goes for men too.)
> 
> My advice to men. Make your wives lives memorable and push harder to meet her emotional needs. Dig deeper then you ever have. Ask, study, write down what works and what doesn't so you don't forget, take her out for the weekend away from work and kids. Romance her, sacrifice a friggin meal for a flower if you have to. This is the woman you "loved" when you married and while you shouldn't be a doormat you should make sure she isn't seeing you as a "partner" rather then a husband/boyfriend.


I agree with some of what you said. 

But you have not considered that for some women, it is unexpected touch of sensitive areas of the body that is the problem. 

Some areas of the body are too sensitive to be touched casually or unexpectedly. 

For example, I love being touched but there are areas that I like to be touched only when I am sexually aroused. I don't like sensitive areas touched when I don't expect it or it is out of context. 

Constant touching of erotic area would desensitize me to being aroused. We don't make it a point of contention. There are so many other things to be happy about.


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## Caribbean Man

Serif said:


> I know this is an old topic and I'm a new member, but it's this topic that got me to finally start posting on this site after lurking for a while.
> 
> Joe, is it possible to get an update. What you tried, how it helped/ didn't?* I know I had a fantastic epiphany after reading through this thread that has revolutionized me and my wife's day-to-day intimacy.*


^^^^^^^^
Would you like to share it with the rest of us?
Always nice to hear the stories.


----------



## Serif

Well... a combination of reading through this thread and conversations with my wife.
She did not like me touching her breasts or inner thighs, or passionately kissing outside of a sex situation because, in her mind, when I did those things, I was indicating I wanted sex. If she had a stressful day, was feeling gross, kids were screaming in the background, etc, she would feel this added pressure to perform on demand and be very frustrated and disappointed that she couldn't give me what I wanted. This extra stress, frustration, disappointment made her shut down and I always read it like she wasn't interested in me or my touch or anything.

Well, suddenly something clicked and I ran upstairs jumped on the bed and said, "Hey! I learned something!"
w- "What's that?"
me- "Humour me, ok?"
-"Ok."
"What does it mean to you when I kiss your forehead?"
"That you love me and and are tender and I feel safe."
"But it doesn't mean I want sex?"
"No."
"Ok, what does it mean when I kiss your lips?"
"Depends on what kind of kiss."
"Long slow lingering."
"That you're romancing me."
"Deep, big, passionate."
"Sex"
"Touch your breasts."
"Sex"
"No!"
"...I don;t understand."
me- "Honey, I want sex, I do. I love you and I desire you, period. I'm not going to pretend I don't want you, cause I do. In my head, EVERYTHING can lead to sex. Something as innocuous as making the bed could through you into desire and then I'll have to make it all over again. I could gently kiss the nape of your neck while you're washing dishes and you throw your arms around me and take me in the kitchen.
Everything CAN lead to sex, but that's not what everything is about! If we can kiss gently just to enjoy the feeling, why can't you just enjoy me caressing you?"
"...I don't understand."
"Honey, you are my wife, I desire you. Every stupid thing in our lives can LEAD to sex, but that's not what it's ABOUT. I kiss you passionately because I'm passionate about you. I caress your breasts because I enjoy the intimacy. You're so paranoid that I want sex and you can't deliver right now and you get frustrated that you're going to disappoint me or that I'm pressuring you when that's not what it's about! It's just to enjoy that moment with you."
w-"I'm going to have to think about this."
me-"Ok. Now sometimes you'll be flat out not interested, that's fine. Say so. But also try to enjoy the touch and intimacy just because it's pleasant, no expectations, no strings, just husband and wife finding pleasure and intimacy and comfort in each other's touch."

Taking that pressure off has been such a burden lifting for her. She's allowed to flirt now, in her own mind, to touch and be touched without it NEEDING to develop. It never needed to for me, but her assumption led her to shut off.

Anyway, it was a subtle but oh so significant cognitive shift.


----------



## JoeHenderson

GinnyTonia said:


> I'm so jealous. I married a butt guy, and while I have a respectable derrière, I have amazing knockers, 32DD, made even more impressive because they've held up after two pregnancies and nursing both babies.
> Why can't my bewbies get some love? LOL!!


LOL, i'm glad you're proud of your bewbies!

But you do raise a good point. That is, men need to mix it up whether they're bewbie guys, butt guys, or whatever. Otherwise, they run the risk of making their ladies feel like walking bewbies, butts, etc. We gotta mix it up and appreciate the whole woman. I'm also a butt guy, but would make sure to touch or compliment other areas, too. My wife loved it when i told her that i love her neck when her hair is up. I'd kiss her on the neck just to let her know i was meant it.


----------



## Caribbean Man

Serif said:


> Well... a combination of reading through this thread and conversations with my wife.
> She did not like me touching her breasts or inner thighs, or passionately kissing outside of a sex situation because, in her mind, when I did those things, I was indicating I wanted sex. If she had a stressful day, was feeling gross, kids were screaming in the background, etc, she would feel this added pressure to perform on demand and be very frustrated and disappointed that she couldn't give me what I wanted. This extra stress, frustration, disappointment made her shut down and I always read it like she wasn't interested in me or my touch or anything.
> 
> Well, suddenly something clicked and I ran upstairs jumped on the bed and said, "Hey! I learned something!"
> w- "What's that?"
> me- "Humour me, ok?"
> -"Ok."
> "What does it mean to you when I kiss your forehead?"
> "That you love me and and are tender and I feel safe."
> "But it doesn't mean I want sex?"
> "No."
> "Ok, what does it mean when I kiss your lips?"
> "Depends on what kind of kiss."
> "Long slow lingering."
> "That you're romancing me."
> "Deep, big, passionate."
> "Sex"
> "Touch your breasts."
> "Sex"
> "No!"
> "...I don;t understand."
> me- "Honey, I want sex, I do. I love you and I desire you, period. I'm not going to pretend I don't want you, cause I do. In my head, EVERYTHING can lead to sex. Something as innocuous as making the bed could through you into desire and then I'll have to make it all over again. I could gently kiss the nape of your neck while you're washing dishes and you throw your arms around me and take me in the kitchen.
> Everything CAN lead to sex, but that's not what everything is about! If we can kiss gently just to enjoy the feeling, why can't you just enjoy me caressing you?"
> "...I don't understand."
> "H*oney, you are my wife, I desire you. Every stupid thing in our lives can LEAD to sex, but that's not what it's ABOUT. I kiss you passionately because I'm passionate about you. I caress your breasts because I enjoy the intimacy. You're so paranoid that I want sex and you can't deliver right now and you get frustrated that you're going to disappoint me or that I'm pressuring you when that's not what it's about! It's just to enjoy that moment with you."*
> w-"I'm going to have to think about this."
> me-"Ok. Now sometimes you'll be flat out not interested, that's fine. Say so. But also try to enjoy the touch and intimacy just because it's pleasant, no expectations, no strings, just husband and wife finding pleasure and intimacy and comfort in each other's touch."
> 
> Taking that pressure off has been such a burden lifting for her. She's allowed to flirt now, in her own mind, to touch and be touched without it NEEDING to develop. It never needed to for me, but her assumption led her to shut off.
> 
> Anyway, it was a subtle but oh so significant cognitive shift.


Sounds good to me.
I like the way you handled it.


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## Jackie1607

I am kinda envious of your wife. If I were she, I wouldn't complain. My boobs are very small, so I feel quite insecure about my body. My boyfriend always tells me that my body is beautiful. However, he rarely touches my boobs. That makes me think he doesn't like my boobs. I really want him to like my boobs, but I can understand why not. I'm considering breast implant because I feel bad for him not being able to enjoy my body. So why don't you stop touching her? That will make her realize how great it is to be wanted and loved.


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## Granny7

Joe_Cool said:


> So, you're saying that your body should be off-limits to your husband except for sexual purposes. All that I have seen in response to this thread so far is:
> 
> "you're selfish for wanting your wife to be intimate with you (outside of sex)"
> 
> "you're not trying hard enough to treat her like a 'Child', 'Friend', or a fabled 'unicorn'"
> 
> Because I find my wife attractive (god forbid!), and enjoy to sometimes gently rest my hand on her breast at night in bed while innocently cuddling, I would be 'like a little boy pawing at your boobs'?
> 
> Something is out of whack there. In my mind, there needs to be compromise. In my original post, I mentioned that I severely changed my behavior _soon_ into our relationship so that I didn't continue to 'paw at her boobies in fascination'. This was years ago.
> 
> Since then, I've further modified my behavior to make her happy. I'm sorry, but I'm feeling a little frustration at the lack of compromise. If my wife enjoyed playing with my toes or feet (yes... I don't like having my feet messed with much), or if it turned her on in a sexual setting, GO TO TOWN ON THEM. I'll take one for the team so that she's happy - thats compromise.
> 
> If I constantly 'pawed at her boobs', yes, I would see a problem *looking at you dude who keeps saying I have a fetish*. But I don't. I am completely hands off, then *sometimes*, but not all the time, I like to cuddle up next to her in bed and rest my hand on her chest.
> 
> I just think there needs to be compromise in a marriage. So far, on this front, I have been the one to give way. I guess I should completely change who I am and pretend that I hate breasts. Fall in line with the 'better half', do what you're told, thats all I'm seeing here so far...


Joe Cool,
All I can add to this conversation being a woman is that my husband used to do the same thing. He'd walk by me or come up from behind and just put his hands on my breast and I felt it in a sexual way. Don't get me wrong, I am a very sexual person, but I felt like I was a sexual object and being grouped, even though he was my husband. It was a total turn off. Now if he had started to kiss me sweetly, then sexually and we started some foreplay and started playing with them it would be totally different. If he wanted to lay his hand between them or by them and go to sleep in bed that wouldn't bother me, unless he had been doing what you were doing so much. 

Have you thought about you hugs, sitting on the couch with her head in your lap or your arms around her? Just gentle, loving things with no sex in mind more often? I know I loved that and it made me feel special. I'm not sure how much you are doing that, so it's just a suggestion. It also sounds like she's got something going on, either exhaustion from work, etc. to not be interested in sex? She's probably hiding after the shower or when getting dressed for fear you are going to get sexual and she's not in the mood. It sounds to me like their needs to be some serious conversation here as it sounds like you are a very loving person sexually and she doesn't seem to be that way from what you've described. Talking is in order. Just my thoughts.

Granny7


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## john_lord_b3

For the benefit of those who wanted an update of Mr. Cool's current status, and missed this update due to being buried in preceding pages.. please allow me to repost his update..



Joe_Cool said:


> Well it just so happened we did talk yesterday evening about it. I was pretty surprised to be honest. She had the day off (first day of a badly needed vacation for her), and decided to go pick up all of the ingredients for a special dinner for me. I got home, and was surprised to find that she was cooking up a storm, had what she called 'man-flowers' out for me, my favorite chocolates, and one of the sweetest cards that she has ever written me (she's not a big card writer).
> 
> She told me that she could tell that I was down in the dumps for the past couple of days (thats around the time I stopped cuddling with her and touching her breasts entirely). She said she felt like it was because she was away working so much, and that she didn't spend her time at home, _really being at home_. She said she was still thinking about her dying patients at work, etc. (she's still a 2nd year resident, so she's new at these responsibilities, and trying to get a handle on them).
> 
> She also said she thought I was down in the dumps because we weren't having sex enough, and that she would work on that. This is where I stepped in and tried my best to re-assure her that sex was not the issue at all - that we can completely take sex out of this issue. I told her that I was upset for a couple of days, but that it wasn't her fault, just something that I was trying to work through on my own. I explained that I felt like I was overly-affectionate, and I felt it was starting to annoy her. I said that it seemed that our thresholds for affection weren't really matching up, and that I would do my best to make it more comfortable for the two of us with regards to that.
> 
> Sooo, long story short, I feel like this is a good beginning for us with regards to communicating on the issue. We still have a ways to go, I know, and am just happy that I have somewhere to start.
> 
> This morning, I was still trying to give her space without spooning her. I just gently placed my hand on her side (waist). She then gently took my hand and placed it on her breast - we never said anything. I just sighed and cuddled up behind her, letting her know that she made my morning...


congratulations!  :smthumbup:

Mr. Cool, you're EXTREMELY LUCKY. In your case, it's your wife who had "seen the light" (maybe God really did talked to her?) and realized that he made you felt bad, and thus taking steps to remedy the situation.

Many many other men weren't so lucky.

So, triple thumbs up for your wife, and for you too, for your great love for your wife.

Patience and Understanding goes a long way to maintain a marriage.

again, congratulations/salamat/mazel tov!


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## Granny7

john_lord_b3 said:


> For the benefit of those who wanted an update of Mr. Cool's current status, and missed this update due to being buried in preceding pages.. please allow me to repost his update..
> 
> 
> 
> congratulations!  :smthumbup:
> 
> Mr. Cool, you're EXTREMELY LUCKY. In your case, it's your wife who had "seen the light" (maybe God really did talked to her?) and realized that he made you felt bad, and thus taking steps to remedy the situation.
> 
> Many many other men weren't so lucky.
> 
> So, triple thumbs up for your wife, and for you too, for your great love for your wife.
> 
> Patience and Understanding goes a long way to maintain a marriage.
> 
> again, congratulations/salamat/mazel tov!


I am glad that everything seems to be getting better and that your wife has seen that things are bothering you. Best of luck.
Granny7


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## Cletus

*LittleDeer* said:


> The big issue is she says she has no sex drive right now.
> 
> This is tied to her not wanting to be touched.
> 
> I would suggest working on the sexual dynamic between the two of you. If the sexual dynamic is good, then it is NEVER tiresome or annoying when your man touches your breasts, it is welcome and wonderful.


No, no, no, 1000 times no. This is projection from a too limited sample size. Please don't make grand sweeping generalizations like this that aren't supportable. 

There are women who do not enjoy having their breasts touched under any circumstances. I am married to one. It has nothing to do with our relationship. She came in to it this way and has never changed her position in almost three decades. 

She takes a utilitarian view of her breasts. Their purpose was served 20 years ago in the feeding of our children. She gets no physical pleasure from having them touched, and finds licking or kissing them to be irritating. They are off limits in the sexual realm.


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## TheStranger

Cletus said:


> They are off limits in the sexual realm.


Just by reading this I felt a pain in my gut. You resisted temptation of enjoying them for three decades? I do hope that there is a heaven for you - full of horny uninhibited women. You deserve it, sir!


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## Anon Pink

Cletus, my heart goes out to you. Maybe you are too nice a guy and maybe your wife needs to understand your needs are just as important as hers.

I was a flat chested girl with super sensitive breasts. They went from an A cup to a DD cup during nursing, then when nursing was over, the filling went away but the skin stayed. Then I REALLY hated them. But they remained super sensitive! Then I lost half of one breast but got them both fixed up through reconstruction. I am damn near an exhibitionist now! I love'em! I wish all women could love their breasts as much as I love mine! Maybe if your wife felt that your love for her breasts is just as encompassing as your love for her eyes, or her cooking or something else not specifically related to sex. Just a thought...


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## Cletus

Anon Pink said:


> Cletus, my heart goes out to you. Maybe you are too nice a guy and maybe your wife needs to understand your needs are just as important as hers.
> 
> ...
> Maybe if your wife felt that your love for her breasts is just as encompassing as your love for her eyes, or her cooking or something else not specifically related to sex. Just a thought...


Well thanks, folks, I really wasn't trying to start a Cletus pity party, just to clear up a too-strongly worded opinion.

I'll never be the kind who can enjoy sex that I know is making my partner uncomfortable, even if they pretend to like it. Compare her breasts to her cooking? Why would I say such mean things about her breasts?


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## Anon Pink

:scratchhead: :rofl:


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## mike1983

I'm a married man as well and I'm the same way lol I love bewbies! and i'm always cupping them and grabbing them as well as you bum. She's petite and has a nice figure as well and drives me crazy. Except my wife doesn't mind me grabbing them at all and she changes in front of me and even sleeps shirtless at times. I think it is more of an insecurity by what you have been saying. For her not wanting to change in front of you, shows that she feels insecure about them. Also, it sounds like your smothering her all the time and giving so much attention to her needs, which is good but to an extent. Have you ever even thought about your needs?? Seems like all your attention is on her and I would try focusing more on what you want and need as well. We all have needs that need to be met and the best way to get those needs is to be open in your relationship and talk clearly about what's on your mind and what you would like in a direct way. I can go on and on but now is not the time or the place. The great thing about being in a relationship where you both love each other is that you can grow together and be a stronger couple. Good luck to you and I hope you all can solve this problem together.


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