# marijuana and sex



## femme (Mar 4, 2012)

I have been married to my husband for 3 years dated for two before marriage. When we both met we both smoked pot on a regular basis. He has smoked pot all of his adult life he is 30 and me some in college and on occasion since then I am 38. Recently, I have been drifting away from smoking wondering how much it really makes sense in my life these days. We have two children together. Our pot smoking has now resorted to us having a joint together after the children are asleep and then we usually have sex. My husband smokes pot alot more than me, sometimes during his lunch breaks at work or even in the morning. I have confronted him about how I hate when he does this during work. I am beginning to learn that he may have other addictions (porn). Most recently, I went on a fast from pot and gave myself a timeline to just clear my head without smoking at all. I have found that when I don't smoke, I am not sexually attracted to him. I want to be honest with him and communicate this with him but I am not sure if it will hurt his feelings, also beginning to think that this could be a more serious issue of me just getting sick of the pot smoking and wanting to focus on other things. Can someone offer advice to this??


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

Do you have any sexual desire when you're off of it? If not, it could be that it's a withdrawal thing. 
If you do, it could be that you're growing up and taking on adult responsibility while he is still living in never ending adolescence. 
I was with a pot addict and had my own addiction too to it. He started doing it more and more, to the point where he was stoned all day and didn't want to do anything if it didn't involve getting high. 
I thought when we were in our twenties that it was a temporary thing and he would stop when we got married and had a child. Instead he got so into he ended up being the dealer for his group of friends.
What was his reaction when you stopped and when you told him that you were concerned about his increasing use of it? Has he noticed that you don't want sex anymore? 
It wasn't until I got away from him that I realized what a downer pot was on my life. How much of our lives was spent trying to get it, how much money we wasted on it. How it affects your thoughts even when you're not high. It took away my desire to accomplish anything. 
I felt like I couldn't handle him when he wasn't stoned, he would get so irritable and angry.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

You have probably trained yourself to only be attracted to him, or to want sex, when you are high. So now you don't know how to go there when you are not high.

It sounds like a learned behavior.


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

Smoking pot has nothing to do with being a responsible adult.

I know many successful professionals who toke quite often.

Even though I smoke weed, I still manage to maintain a B average in college. Our home is never dirty and my husband comes home to dinner on the table.

I would quit if I had children because once you become a parent, you cannot afford any kind of addiction. Children deserve parents who are not stoners, drunks etc.

I am attracted to my husband whether I am stoned or not.

Learned behaviour sounds correct. However, I'm sure that you were not always high when you met your husband.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

looks like its his heavy use of canibis thats bothering you. You have matured and want to grow as a person and he just wants to smoke away.

Tell him you miss him when hes high. see if he will cut back to only smoking on weekends.Find something fun to do together without smoking and just enjoy eachothers true personality for a change. weed tends to dull everything, If you could get him to quit for awhile he might realise how much better life is without it.


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## flnative (Jul 16, 2011)

He needs to grow up. You guys have kids and doing drugs in the home?????


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## johnnycomelately (Oct 30, 2010)

flnative said:


> He needs to grow up. You guys have kids and doing drugs in the home?????


It is now very widely accepted by independent scientists (not affiliated to government or church organisations) that marijuana is not a dangerous drug and is certainly less dangerous than alcohol:

Addictive Properties of Popular Drugs | Drug War Facts

_Joycelyn Elders, MD, former US Surgeon General, wrote in a Mar. 26, 2004 editorial published in the Providence Journal:

"Unlike many of the drugs we prescribe every day, marijuana has never been proven to cause a fatal overdose."_

Do you keep aspirin in the house? Alcohol?

Marijuana is not the problem but is a symbol of the fact that you guys aren't on the same page, sexually or emotionally.


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## flnative (Jul 16, 2011)

Ok.....one of those....


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## Chuckp47 (Nov 11, 2011)

Love the pot head comments. I like hearing how you manage to justify your illegal, mind altering habit. 
My wife was a daily user for years. I never did. Like you I did not find a smelly, stoned person attractive. My wife didn't find me worth quitting for. I hope to eventually find someone who will not need to look at the world through a drug induced fog.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

I agree wholeheartedly that cannibis is a healing plant. We allow medical marijuana in _Canada _for that reason. If a Canadian has cancer or aids, an MD can prescribe it.

Marijuana in small amounts for personal use is not illegal here. Perhaps Chuckp47 needs to realize that not everyone is from the U.S.  Our police have _real _crimes to worry about and at least we don't waste money on a stupid drug war. 

Alcohol and caffeine are not mind altering right? :lol:

Even as a stoner, I don't believe that children should be exposed to marijuana. I am never high around my nieces, nor do I smoke around them.


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## johnnycomelately (Oct 30, 2010)

I love it when people who know they are beaten by an evidence-based agrument resort to making personal attacks and namecalling.


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

johnnycomelately said:


> I love it when people who know they are beaten by an evidence-based agrument resort to making personal attacks and namecalling.


:iagree::iagree::iagree: Made my morning!

Anyone who needs coffee every day to get going is also an addict. 

Most people don't even realize that just because caffeine is socially acceptable.


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

Anything can be addictive. It's a matter of how it changes you. Some people can smoke pot recreationally. This man is not able to get through the day without it. I'd say the same thing if he were drinking all day, taking prescription pain killers all day or doing coke. It's a matter of some one's ability to
cope and relate without needing to have a very altered state of mind.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Gratitude (Feb 12, 2012)

Don't even get me started on this subject as we've already had our previous arguments!

Everything in moderation is fine. But these things can become an addiction. There is a difference people! Don't lump recreational users in the same category as those addicted to pot. Unless you've lived with one, you don't know what it's like so don't assume that it's all harmless just because it is to you.


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

Yep. When you run out of pot what do you do? Spend hours calling people, climbing the walls, sighing, being an angry irritable jerk to everyone? Do you get angry when someone asks you to do something that won't make pot use possible? Do you avoid people who don't smoke? Just like alcohol there are people who can drink one drink and be ok. Then there are people who make put the center of their life.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Gratitude (Feb 12, 2012)

diwali123 said:


> Yep. When you run out of pot what do you do? Spend hours calling people, climbing the walls, sighing, being an angry irritable jerk to everyone? Do you get angry when someone asks you to do something that won't make pot use possible? Do you avoid people who don't smoke? [/i][/size]


That's about right. I've seen it and lived with it for many years when I was younger. If the stash was running low, I'd learn to avoid the house for awhile.

Pot for medical and recreation use is not the problem. It's the addicts. And then the people who go 'it's only pot, what's your problem, it's harmless...'. Always from those who haven't experienced it.

My old boss who I still see, his brother smoked weed for 20 years, every day. He used to be highly intelligent and capable. He now spends his nights out in the front garden fighting imaginery armies. They say he's ruined. It's just sad and pushes my buttons when everyone thinks it's not a dangerous drug. It still destroys lives.


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

Most of my friends do not smoke and I am able to refrain from smoking weed around them. 
When I run out, I simply wait until I can get some more. I only have one person to call for trees.
Just because potheads in *your* lives acted like fools, it doesn't mean that we all do.

If addicts are the problem, why is it okay for people to be addicted to some things and not others? 
That was the point I was trying to make about drinking coffee every single day. My husband becomes very cranky when if he doesn't have his daily two cups. He isn't the only person to have this problem, but nobody looks down on caffeine addicts. A substance is a substance.


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## johnnycomelately (Oct 30, 2010)

Gratitude said:


> My old boss who I still see, his brother smoked weed for 20 years, every day. He used to be highly intelligent and capable. He now spends his nights out in the front garden fighting imaginery armies. They say he's ruined. It's just sad and pushes my buttons when everyone thinks it's not a dangerous drug. It still destroys lives.


If that were caused by marijuana it would be the first case of its kind in medical history. You are missing the point here by blaming a relatively harmless drug for more profound psychological problems, in this case schizophrenia. 

You are also missing the point with your partner. You are trying to convince strangers that marijuana is dangerous and addictive while you should be trying to figure out why he can't face life and his relationship without being wasted. That is the issue.


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## Gratitude (Feb 12, 2012)

johnnycomelately said:


> You are also missing the point with your partner. You are trying to convince strangers that marijuana is dangerous and addictive while you should be trying to figure out why he can't face life and his relationship without being wasted. That is the issue.


My husband doesn't smoke pot. WTF? Get your facts straight. When I said I have lived with it before, the key word here being LIVED. As in a long time ago.

Do not also assume and tell me that his brother had prior mental health issues and it's not the pot. You know nothing about his history. His family and doctors do, and they would strongly disagree with you.

I however do somewhat agree that pot won't cause direct mental health issues. But I do believe smoking pot can amplify your condition if you have one. And it absolutely can become addictive, like anything if you rely on it. If you're telling me you can't become addicted then I'm sorry, you're wrong. Just because you don't believe it doesn't mean it doesn't exist.


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## johnnycomelately (Oct 30, 2010)

Gratitude said:


> My husband doesn't smoke pot. WTF? Get your facts straight. When I said I have lived with it before, the key word here being LIVED. As in a long time ago.


Sorry, getting my posters mixed up. Must be the weed.


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## Gratitude (Feb 12, 2012)

johnnycomelately said:


> Sorry, getting my posters mixed up. Must be the weed.


I'd say so


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## johnnycomelately (Oct 30, 2010)

Gratitude said:


> If you're telling me you can't become addicted then I'm sorry, you're wrong. Just because you don't believe it doesn't mean it doesn't exist.


You can become _dependent_ on anything, from porn to sucking thumb, it doesn't mean that you are physically addicted. 

This hysteria about marijuana, attributing psychosis, hallucinations and death to a drug that has been proven time and again to cause none of the above, puts young people in danger. 

People massively exaggerate the dangers of marijuana and so lose credibility with young people. If you lie about the effects of marijuana why should they believe you about the effects of genuinely dangerous drugs?


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## FormerNiceGuy (Feb 13, 2012)

johnnycomelately said:


> You are also missing the point with your partner. You are trying to convince strangers that marijuana is dangerous and addictive while you should be trying to figure out why he can't face life and his relationship without being wasted. That is the issue.


:smthumbup:

This is one funny thread. I have no moral objections to pot, cigarettes, alcohol or caffeine but if you are using to alter reality, query who is getting short changed:scratchhead:


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

the internet might be more addicting than pot!

study after study indicates pot is a physiological addiction.


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## Gratitude (Feb 12, 2012)

johnnycomelately said:


> You can become _dependent_ on anything, from porn to sucking thumb, it doesn't mean that you are physically addicted.
> 
> This hysteria about marijuana, attributing psychosis, hallucinations and death to a drug that has been proven time and again to cause none of the above, puts young people in danger.
> 
> People massively exaggerate the dangers of marijuana and so lose credibility with young people. If you lie about the effects of marijuana why should they believe you about the effects of genuinely dangerous drugs?


I smoked pot for years a long time ago. For a few years it was everyday. I know what it does. I know people who smoked occasionally, and those who smoke everyday to get by.

There's no 'hysteria'. It's a fact. Pot can be addictive. Are you really that one sided that you think it's completely harmless? Of course it's not always addictive. It's not heroin. But over time it becomes addictive to people, they need it to get by. And it's because they're ADDICTED to the way it makes them feel. Do people use it as a coping mechanism in these instances? Problems in their life? Probably. But the fact still remains that for some people it turns into an addiciton like nicotine or alcohol. I know many people who are hooked on it and ADMIT it's an addiction. You can't argue about other people's lives.

If my child smokes pot I'm not going to hit them with 'it's so addictive, it's going to kill you!'. I don't want my child on any drugs, soft, hard, I don't care. Get through life without it. Do you think some teenagers who start smoking with their friends and continue everyday into adulthood really have a handle on it and could just stop tomorrow? No anxiety, no aggression, they would just forget about it? I mean, it's not addictive right? No, it's not the weed or the effects that it gives them physically and mentally they're addicted too (hence ADDICTION). They all must have prior mental health issues.

Lets just agree to disagree :banghead:


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## Bottled Up (Nov 12, 2011)

diwali123 said:


> Yep. When you run out of pot what do you do? Spend hours calling people, climbing the walls, sighing, being an angry irritable jerk to everyone? Do you get angry when someone asks you to do something that won't make pot use possible? Do you avoid people who don't smoke? Just like alcohol there are people who can drink one drink and be ok. Then there are people who make put the center of their life.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Seriously. I smoked tons of pot in college, I mean every day, multiple times a day, etc. It was major part of my daily routine. I met my now wife, we smoked pot for years. Then, we had children and she started to stop and wanted to keep it out of the house, so I did that. Now I barely smoke anymore because I respect keeping it out of the house and it's just pointless to buy any now.

The point is though, when I stopped smoking weed there was no "climbing on the walls" or disassociating myself with society and avoidance or getting angry over things. When you need to stop smoking pot you just.... stop smoking pot.

Pot is not physically addictive, but the routine of incorporating it into your daily agenda can itself become a familiarity and we are all creatures of habit. For that matter, television is a drug too because people spend countless hours wasting their lives watching it daily.

I can't stand it when people who have never smoked weed reach out and start labeling it like this dark force of super addiction that's impossible to control and totally disrupts livelihoods of millions of people. So ridiculous. That ignorance is just as bad as being the "pot head" that they seemingly point their fingers at.


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## Gratitude (Feb 12, 2012)

Bottled Up said:


> Seriously. I smoked tons of pot in college, I mean every day, multiple times a day, etc. It was major part of my daily routine. I met my now wife, we smoked pot for years. Then, we had children and she started to stop and wanted to keep it out of the house, so I did that. Now I barely smoke anymore because I respect keeping it out of the house and it's just pointless to buy any now.
> 
> The point is though, when I stopped smoking weed there was no "climbing on the walls" or disassociating myself with society and avoidance or getting angry over things. When you need to stop smoking pot you just.... stop smoking pot.
> 
> ...


I have lived with different people who have quit weed and spent two weeks climbing the walls. Or on the day they couldn't score any. Some people do, some people don't. Just because it wasn't a problem for you doesn't mean it's not for other people. That's ignorance.


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## Gratitude (Feb 12, 2012)

You need to open your eyes to those who have lived what you think is not possible, just because you haven't seen it. I'll just go and tell myself and my girlfriends who dealt with it with their partners, and my uncle and other mates from years ago etc that it's all in their heads shall I. If you need to stop smoking pot .. just stop. Easy! 

Some people who smoke everyday can just stop. Excellent! Then there are those who struggle with it. Don't mock other peoples experiences.


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## Bottled Up (Nov 12, 2011)

Gratitude said:


> I have lived with different people who have quit weed and spent two weeks climbing the walls. Or on the day they couldn't score any. Some people do, some people don't. Just because it wasn't a problem for you doesn't mean it's not for other people. That's ignorance.


Point taken. You're right, I was being ignorant. I guess I get defensive though because the issue of pot addiction is more about individuals _*letting themselves*_ become attached to it rather than the body becoming _*physically attached to it beyond anyone's control*_. There's a big difference between the two ideologies, and I feel the line is often crossed using the latter whereas in all cases it's really a matter of the former.


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## Gratitude (Feb 12, 2012)

Bottled Up said:


> Point taken. You're right, I was being ignorant. I guess I get defensive though because the issue of pot addiction is more about individuals _*letting themselves*_ become attached to it rather than the body becoming _*physically attached to it beyond anyone's control*_. There's a big difference between the two ideologies, and I feel the line is often crossed using the latter whereas in all cases it's really a matter of the former.


I agree. I get defensive on the other side of the fence as though it's not so much the physical addiction, it still becomes a psychological addiction. And for that reason, it can really ruin lives and relationships. I used to smoke pot and it was fine. Until one day I smoked and I became really paranoid and anxious. I don't know why after years it did this to me, but I never touched it again.

My point in this whole thread (seems we all hijacked a little, sorry OP) is to open the minds of people who haven't seen the outcome on the other side. and that needs to be taken into account too. I get that it's not the weed itself that grabs you, rather the feeling of escaping reality that people chase. So because it can do that to you, and people become hooked on that feeling, the drug itself is not totally harmless. It's like legal meds from your doctor. Harmless in it's own form, but it still becomes an 'addiction' if abused. And there has to be something in it that people become addicted to.


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

Pot is the only thing that helps my PTSD. I have tried pills and years of therapy.

My left hand will never be the same because of a car accident last summer. I hate painkillers because they are VERY habit forming and they bind up my stomach. Weed helps with the pain.

Hubby always says: "I would rather have a pothead wife than an alcoholic wife. Besides, you do everything you are supposed to so I have no complaints."


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## nader (May 4, 2011)

I used to smoke a good bit, every day for awhile. Now I've cut back to only when it's offered to me, usually at a gig or band practice.

It's too expensive, at least the kind you want to smoke, and there' a baby in the house.. I enjoy a good buzz here and there, but I'd never live with myself, or my wife, if something bad happened with the baby on my watch because i was stoned.


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

I could see myself smoking on a daily basis when in a nursing home, and by that time it'll be legal right? I just have too much to do. After I stopped and would try it a few months later I just got paranoid and I was so tired. If someone has a disease that it helps, fine. I just see a lot of people I've known use it to avoid reality, to avoid responsibility and put barriers up in relationships. I just didn't know if that's the road the OP's spouse is going down.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Lionelhutz (Feb 2, 2012)

In general I think the drug laws in most of North America is foolish and counterproductive. 

At its worse Pot is a public health problem. Anyone not blinded by ideology and or ignorance can see that the criminal justice system is an expensive, unjust and most of all ineffective way of dealing with it.

I haven't tried it in 20 years and don't care if I never have it again, but I am not trying to run everyone else's life.

Occasional of even regular use is okay with me but don't think I would like to date or marry a woman who smoked it constantly for many of the same reasons that I wouldn't want to be with a woman who heavily used tobacco or alcohol.


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

Lionel, that is why I am so glad to live in Canada.

Of course, some of the laws around weed are very contradictory up here. One can carry up to 3 grams, but they cannot have those grams in tiny bags or risk being charged with possession with intent to distribute. If a dealer is caught with lots of cash and a scale, they can also be charged with trafficking even if they have no drugs on them. 

It is still illegal to buy and sell weed that does not come from the compassion clubs, which distribute ganja to those with government cards. Cops in Canada are not interested in those who smoke weed or even sell small amounts. The police want the kingpins who have the grow ops, so that they can just go up the chain of command when they shake down small time dealers.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

femme said:


> I have been married to my husband for 3 years dated for two before marriage. When we both met we both smoked pot on a regular basis. He has smoked pot all of his adult life he is 30 and me some in college and on occasion since then I am 38. Recently, I have been drifting away from smoking wondering how much it really makes sense in my life these days. We have two children together. Our pot smoking has now resorted to us having a joint together after the children are asleep and then we usually have sex. My husband smokes pot alot more than me, sometimes during his lunch breaks at work or even in the morning. I have confronted him about how I hate when he does this during work. I am beginning to learn that he may have other addictions (porn). Most recently, I went on a fast from pot and gave myself a timeline to just clear my head without smoking at all. I have found that when I don't smoke, I am not sexually attracted to him. I want to be honest with him and communicate this with him but I am not sure if it will hurt his feelings, also beginning to think that this could be a more serious issue of me just getting sick of the pot smoking and wanting to focus on other things. Can someone offer advice to this??


The age difference between you is not huge, but could be enough to cause a significant difference of opinion on the subject - meaning, you're 38 and are looking at the big picture of your life (your children, responsibility, future), and he is 30 and is still thinking like he did when you met him in his mid-20's (plenty of time to "settle down and get serious" so why start now?). 

I think it really is time to have an honest discussion with him about this, since it is affecting his job and your opinion of him. Be honest about how your views have changed, particularly since having children. Be honest about your fears. And be honest about how it is impacting your views on sex with him.

Make sure you are clear on how you feel though. Don't confuse his smoking pot with other problems you are having (porn). Make sure that your loss of attraction to him is pot-related before you blame it on pot - is the porn a bigger issue in losing attraction for him? Also, think about whether you were ever attracted to him in the first place without the pot - was there a time when you first met that you didn't smoke pot but wanted to have sex with him? If not, you might not have been attracted to him, period, but the pot served to cover that up.

You have to lay it out on the table in a marriage, and you have to be open to compromise. Listen to his perspective as well - he might see it as you suddenly changing the rules if you were generally ok with pot smoking for the first few years of your relationship. If he's not willing to consider what's going on between you and how it's related to his overuse, then you have to make some tough decisions about what you can and cannot live with. 

Good luck!


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## lonesomegra (Dec 11, 2011)

The last I checked any form of smoke that enters the lungs is harmful to your health!! Not to mention coughing, runny eyes, nasty smells, etc.

From what I've learned about this drug it is used a lot as a 'sex aid' to lower a women's inhibitions although this depends on the 'quality' of the product. The OP might now find without its use invisible walls are being built up again and your partner is being resented as 'having more freedom'. This is a bigger issue than drugs and I think goes back to what the OP applies as core morals surrounding the marriage. Switch drugs with the word porn or affairs and you may understand what I mean.


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## Lionelhutz (Feb 2, 2012)

First Year

I'm from the same side of the border :smthumbup:

Although I have lived for a few years elsewhere I am home now


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## sophiem (Mar 22, 2012)

Dear, I think you have trained yourself to relate marijuana to sexual attraction. If you had sex while high for years and years, you've mentally linked the two. Now take one away, and don't be surprised when the other goes too!

If you're getting out of the habit of smoking before sex, you will need to go through the change in process, retraining yourself.


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## Enginerd (May 24, 2011)

I have different take on this, but I'm not sure if it applies to your situation. My wife and I used to smoke pot. We were daily users in our 20's. We stopped when my wife became pregnant and then we just lost interest. Guess what? Once we stopped smoking we had less in common. It turns out that I'm a motivated guy when I'm not smoking. I exercise, eat right, read more, focus on goals and my emotions are solid. My wife - not so much. I was less attracted to my wife after we stopped because I could no longer relate to her way of thinking and lost some respect. Even though she wasn't smoking anymore I began to see her for the person she really was and unfortunately I was disappointed. If you've been smoking daily for a long time you simply cannot be thinking clearly. I am not judging. I speak from experience. 

Maybe you're not attracted to your husband now because you can really see him.....


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## vista2007 (Feb 23, 2008)

My wife smokes pot multiple times daily. I don't. I like how those that do smoke sure jones for it when they are out. Don't tell me it is not addictive. I believe her smoking is actually depressing her libido. We have sex 2-3 times/month, which she calls maintenance sex (so I don't look for it with someone else).


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## Coffee Amore (Dec 15, 2011)

Zombie thread. This thread hasn't been alive in years. I'm locking the thread.


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