# In need of advice



## nedinghelp (Oct 30, 2011)

I'm in a very sticky situation. I have a horrible ex-wife and many custody issues. That being said my current wife is amazing!!!! she helps me with the paperwork, does finances and works part time. My problem is i tend to relax and think better when i have a couple of beers( literally 2-3)and this happens atleast 1 night sometimes 2 or 3 times a week. She has had issues with her ex and alcoholism and I am trying to be sensitive to that, but when I mention getting beers she gets really upset and compares me to her ex. we have had a few bad incidents involving alcohol and i'm trying to moderate my drinking but it doesn't seem to matter if it's 1 beer a week or 10 a day she just loses it . what do i do ? i'm willing to quit but saying that causes a whole other issue (she;s heard it before from her ex and don't believe me ) and more stress on both of us. any advice is welcome


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Quit. Look I like beer,but the choice of loosing the woman I love, or loosing my beer gut. No choice.

Maybe find another way to distress like walking, or some more playtime with your wife?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## stupad (Jul 11, 2011)

Like most things in marriage, both people need to be comfortable with it. If your wife is not comfortable with _any_ drinking, then, as Shaggy said, don't drink. You downplay how much you drink (2-3 beers, 1-3x week) but also mention 'a few bad incidences' with alcohol (this sounds like "it's not rally a problem except for when . . ."). Obviously I don't know what these 'incidences' are, or how 'bad' they are - but I'd suspect from this little info that these might be at the root of this issue between you two. And, if your wife's ex is an alcoholic, she may very well have trust issues (in general, or at least relative to alcohol). How long have you been married and has this been an on-going issue (eg, you've always had 2-3/1-3x and now she's concerned, or is this drinking of yours something new to which she is responding)? This is all for you to ask/answer for yourself really but may solicit more advice if posted here. Good luck!


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## ren (Aug 1, 2011)

Why should he quit just because her ex-husband couldn't handle alcohol? That does not make sense. 
She has good reason to be uncomfortable with his alcohol use, it is a dangerous drug and caused problems in her previous relationship. But that doesn't mean he can't drink responsibly. If he can prove to her that he can she should accept that his beer drinking is not a problem. I think it would be a good idea to demonstrate the whole "I can quit anytime" thing addicts have so much trouble with. Tell her you are going to prove to her she has nothing to fear from your drinking by giving up beer for two weeks. After those two weeks are up, crack open a beer in front of her and take a nice long drink off it, savor it. Then look her in the eye and tell her how incredibly great it is to finally have a beer after so long, then go pour the rest of it down the sink and tell her you need to make sure she understands that you really can quit anytime. Leave the rest of your six pack in the fridge untouched for at least another week. 
If she has any doubts after those three weeks are up she needs professional help, and if you can't make it three weeks without getting drunk you need to admit to yourself that you have become addicted to alcohol.


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## Calisha Brown (Aug 6, 2011)

I think you both both should talk to each other and clear all you doubts.


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