# He lied about his occupation - should we split?



## Una27

Hi all

I am new here and english is not my first language, so please forgive my mistakes. I need help, a second opinion on what to do.

I am 42, working as a manager. We have met a year ago on the net, playing some stupid game, and slowly we were spending all the time on MSN together. He told me that he works as an instructor in the army - and I bought it. Few months later we met in person and by that time we were in love with each other. It was a beautiful love story, we spent all the time on MSN or he would come for the weekend (we lived 400km apart). Few months later he had quit his job and moved in with me. With the recession hitting hard, he could not find a job in my town, so I was working and he did all the houseworks. Everything was nice for six months, he is kind and loving and we were happy together. I do believe he loves me and he wants to stay in this relationship.

But... a few days ago I found out that he lied to me about his occupation and his former job. He was a worker in construction, and never worked in the army. I confronted him and he confessed that he told me all those lies in order to "look better in my eyes". 

I feel betrayed and stupid for trusted him and I don't know what to do.


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## ChrisInNOVA

You know exactly what to do:

Get rid of him.

You can't trust him.

Work is such a big deal to men - they wrap up their personal worth in what they do for a living.

He lied to you about that. 

Think about what that means.


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## sbbs

:iagree:

He lied to you very early on about something important. If he's starting out like this, what do you think he'll be like later on? 

You're not stupid for having believed him. He lied to you, and he did it convincingly. That says that he's a good liar. It doesn't say anything bad about you at all.


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## F-102

Bounce him. If he lies to you about his job (basically, who he is), what ELSE will he lie to you about? The three kids in as many states that he "forgot" to tell you about? The missing money from the accounts, going to pay the loan sharks who are ready to break both of his legs? The girl at the office who is "just a friend"? The "business trip" that he has to go on, when in reality, he embezzled thousands from work and now he's in Bolivia, leaving his trusting wife, who is now responsible for his financial liabilities, holding the bag?
Dump him.


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## MsLonely

Yes, he made a mistake once, he apologised and he won't do it again.

People deserve a second chance.

Important is his next job. Then you can always check.

Just curious:

Do you think he looks inferior if he's a construction worker? Or you only felt upset because of his mistake?

If you feel he looks inferior, you should leave him.

If you only feel angry because of the mistake he made, you can give him a second chance. He's proven to you that he's a loving & nice man.

As a manager, maybe you can help him to find a job in your town & see what's going on first.


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## kipper

My husband lied about many things during dating - he spoke French, was looking to be a pharmaceutical salesperson... but in reality he was a broke construction worker. He had deep feeling of inadequacy or felt inferior about this. I tried to understand these lies and stayed with him.

Then when we went to buy a car together found out he would not put his name on the application... the lie came out ...he had a bad credit/no credit rating. 

As it turns out, many years later I wish I had seen those early lies as something I'd be living with for ever. The lies do not stop, I no longer trust him as he has lied about many things small and big. People can and are confident and secure about being a construction worker, and don't need to apologize. 

You already know you're not comfortable with his lying or lying in general. YOur instincts are good. Its wrong and not a foundation for a relationship. Don't live with a liar, like I am doing or you'll end up looking for advice on a bulletin board wondering why you didn't bail when you had a chance.


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## MsLonely

I'm not going to assume that what happened on kipper will also happen on you. 
She knew the man lied to her more than 3 times, and she still married him, then it's a whole different issue here.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Una27

Thank you all for your replies, all of them helped in a way. And what helped me the most was to know that I am not alone with my troubles


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