# Words Liars use?



## DT4379 (Sep 21, 2012)

So I have been here before many times and have gotten some great advice..so in saying that I am here again to ask for advice...Early today I stated to my husband : you will never cheat on me will you" and his reply was an email see below...Maybe I am thinking to much but we have had many issues in the past with him I believe oogling women and emotionally wanting others..we have gone to counsellinmg and he says he has changed so I don't want to cause an issue if there is nothing to worry about..All advice welcome so I can understand and not be thinking about this all day..

Thanks

And no, I would never do that to you, I would never do anything to jeopardize what we have together… You’re the most amazing woman I have ever met and I thank God every day for bringing us together


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## sang-froid (May 2, 2013)

DT4379 said:


> And no, I would never do that to you, I would never do anything to jeopardize what we have together… You’re the most amazing woman I have ever met and I thank God every day for bringing us together


"Never" is a very common word for cheaters. And what I quoted above sounds almost identical to what my H said to me when he was denying his affairs. 

Not concrete proof, just my perspective.


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## DT4379 (Sep 21, 2012)

Really so I should be concerned??? I am sick to my stomach over this and don't know what to do anymore...I have no proof of this happening or when he will do it...


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

DT4379 said:


> Really so I should be concerned??? I am sick to my stomach over this and don't know what to do anymore...I have no proof of this happening or when he will do it...


YOur posts since you started back in 2012 are all basically the same. When you first posted you should have stopped the wedding. You years together prior to the wedding should have proven to you that this is not the man for you. Then the honeymoon, yikes.

This guy seems like a jerk and you are not helping your M at all by constantly harping on him. His flirting has driven you nuts since before you were married.

You sound miserable. Get out of this M, because you want him to change and focus on you and he won't.


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## mamabear131617 (Oct 5, 2013)

And no, I would never do that to you, I would never do anything to jeopardize what we have together… 


My husband said the EXACT same thing and then I found inappropriate messages between him and another coworker. I can't tell you that means your husband is cheating.....I'm simply saying mine said the same and was a cheater.


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

mamabear131617 said:


> And no, I would never do that to you, I would never do anything to jeopardize what we have together…
> 
> 
> My husband said the EXACT same thing and then I found inappropriate messages between him and another coworker. I can't tell you that means your husband is cheating.....I'm simply saying mine said the same and was a cheater.


Not trying to be a terd or anything, but what should they say?


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## CH (May 18, 2010)

It's all in your mind, with their hand in the cookie jar.


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## Oldrandwisr (Jun 22, 2013)

Why did he have to reply in writing? You don't get the body language with an email. It sounds like you asked the question in person. How long did it take for you to get this answer?


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## Headspin (May 13, 2012)

"but you......"


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## DT4379 (Sep 21, 2012)

What does that mean their hand in the cookie jar..is he thinking of cheating?


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## DT4379 (Sep 21, 2012)

I asked him in the car and he said no he would never do that to me ..maybe I am overanalyzing


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## DT4379 (Sep 21, 2012)

mamabear131617 said:


> And no, I would never do that to you, I would never do anything to jeopardize what we have together…
> 
> 
> My husband said the EXACT same thing and then I found inappropriate messages between him and another coworker. I can't tell you that means your husband is cheating.....I'm simply saying mine said the same and was a cheater.


Really the exact same things...I feel sorry he cheated on you and I amgetting more suspsious everyday..jhe just wrote to me satying nothing is wrong he couldn't be happier with our life and he said I promise nothing is wrong


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## browneyes74 (Sep 1, 2013)

Yeah, I got that in May, after I found an inappropriate message from some bimbo from his work trip.. 

He wrote it in my mother's day card

"Thank you for giving me two beautiful girls and this beautiful life! I'm the happiest I've ever been!!! And you should believe it!! Because it's true!! You make this family all that it is!! " And so on and so forth.. Is there a puking emoticon? B/c I need it right now.. 


Come to find out that cheated on me with the housemaid in his hotel during his month long work trip.. My friend, ON MY COUCH, and has been hooking up with barflys every chance he can get.. 

Yep, he also swore he'd never do it.. And he was the happiest he'd ever been.. Of course he was.. He had me to take care of the house, pay all the bills, and go out cattin' around whenever he got the urge.. 

If something is telling you not to trust him.. I'd figure out why...


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

"It depends on your definition of the word 'IS'"


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## zookeeper (Oct 2, 2012)

You have to be careful about the logical road you are headed down. It is true that a cheater would likely say these things, but it is just as true that an honest person with integrity would say them as well. I have said similar things to my wife and they have been 100% honest and truthful. I have never and will never cheat. What exactly would you have me tell her when her insecurities get he best of her? I tell the truth. 

If you have reasons to be suspicious, the look at his actions. The actions that are relevant to a cheater. Just because cheaters drink coffee does not mean that all coffee drinkers are cheaters.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## DT4379 (Sep 21, 2012)

Hi Zookeeper..Thanks for the reply..I have no evidence of cheating or thinking about cheating but he has a wandering eye which we addressed in counseling..I hope he has changed his ways..we spend a lot of time together but maybe I am being paranoid and overthinking...he also has started to delete all the nice messages I send to him about how I appreciate him etc..he v=never did that before


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## Racer (Sep 24, 2009)

The words liars use are reassuring words. The real problem is people who aren't lying use them too. Look to the actions that support those words.


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## HarryDoyle (Jan 19, 2013)

Ok, how about this: I said almost the exact same words to my wife when I was flying in the Air Force all over everywhere and she was worried I'd cheat. I wrote them in a letter to Her from England. And I never cheated!!!! She did. She didn't believe me and cheated on me for two years. So why ask a question and not believe answer you get when it's the answer you wanted??? As Thound said, "what was he supposed to say?". The answer means nothing, actions do.


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## Insanity (Oct 28, 2013)

Oldrandwisr said:


> Why did he have to reply in writing? You don't get the body language with an email. It sounds like you asked the question in person. How long did it take for you to get this answer?


I wondered the same thing.... :scratchhead:


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## Bamzor (Aug 15, 2012)

DT4379 said:


> he also has started to delete all the nice messages I send to him about how I appreciate him etc..he v=never did that before


Do you appreciate him? You are squeezing/pushing him hard. I am a BS, but your "over analyzing" will push him to a decision point. You need to breath and let go....find something to do to occupy your mind, besides infidelity--- if he passes the sniff test.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

If you asked "Have you cheated? Are you cheating now?", and he replied "I would NEVER..." then it is a red flag. But if you ask about the future "Would you cheat on me?", an honest person would answer "I would NEVER".

There is a slight difference in the two questions. The first one is asking about the present and past. In that case the response is a red flag. But in the second question it is about the future and the response is not suspicious.

jmho, ymmv, etc.


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

Thor said:


> If you asked "Have you cheated? Are you cheating now?", and he replied "I would NEVER..." then it is a red flag. But if you ask about the future "Would you cheat on me?", an honest person would answer "I would NEVER".
> 
> There is a slight difference in the two questions. The first one is asking about the present and past. In that case the response is a red flag. But in the second question it is about the future and the response is not suspicious.
> 
> jmho, ymmv, etc.


There are some websites that discuss words or phrases that liars use. This is not a lcear cut science but I found as I looked back at things my wife said, that many of the words or phrases she used fit what is discussed on these websites. 

Ironically, she is not using those words now and my radar is super sensitive.


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## InlandTXMM (Feb 15, 2013)

In my experience most liars will not directly answer a direct question.

You instead will get a sort of dance around the direct answer. In the case of this thread, you might ask a person, "Did you cheat on me?" And you'll get an answer, if you listen carefully, like, "I did nothing wrong."


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

I look at other things.

1. Do they change their story?
2. Given the circumstances of their story, how plausible is it? I went through a period of having friends who wanted to hope against hope that the one percent chance that they could be telling the truth is the 1 percent chance that prevails. 

I have since lost those friends.

Remember it's your life. No matter where your advice comes free, whether it's free or you paid for it, you are still stuck with the results of your choices.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

"Good Morning", "Hello", "I love you" The tricky part is knowing which ones are actually lies.


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