# I dont know what to make of it



## moz101 (May 16, 2013)

Hi All,
Hope someone can give me a advise.

I was here in this site last year going through the same thing.

My boyfriend and I have been together for more then 20yrs. High school sweethearts. We have two kids boy 15 girl 4.

Through out the years it feels like I was the only one in the relationship. He was very possessive at first. Extremely jeaoulus. I distant myself from friends, I did not have a social life. I was the provider, he always had a min. wage job or not work at all. I have supported him on anything he wanted to do.

Through out the years he will go out stay out late. Cheated, girl numbers found several times. We stayed together this long because we loved each other. 

Last year he was hired to be a dentist assistant I know is not the greatest career but please take in to consideration that to him it was a big step, after working as a warehouse clerk, security jobs that paid min. wage. . He started messing up going out so of course I will kick him out the house. Well one day he decided that it was best for him to leave that he knew he was messing up and that he would leave to come back a better men. He left me with the rent due, bills and he went with his parents on vacation to visit his family in his born country. When he came back from his trip he came crying home saying he loved us and that he missed us that he wanted his family. I let him in. Through out the days nothing changed. Him going out acting like he did not care about us. 

A month after this our apartment caught on fire and we lost EVERYTHING.. I was devestated.. I was forced to move in with my parents and him with his parents. We lived apart for a month. We would see each other everyday. We got our new place and moved in together. I thought this was going to be our new start.. 

Things were ok until this past three weeks.. He started again with his attitude messing up going out. Hanging around with his single brother. Well this weekend he said he was going somewhere that he would come back. We werent really talking to each other since he was always mad. He never came. Morning came nothing. So i txt him not to ever come back.

So now this is what I cant understand. he says he left because we were arguing alot and that he did not want this for his kids. (he would cause all the arguing) He was not coming home to sleep. etc.

Well his plan is this. He says he loves me and that he would always love me. He wants to stay apart but see me and the kids. He says he is going to change. 

It is hard to believe he wants to change. He did not need to leave our home to change. I begged him to go to church with me to go to counseling he never did. He left me with the bills and rent again. He wants to act like we are dating but have no responsibility.

Am I wrong? He did not had to leave our home to show us how much he loved us and he was willing to change. 

I am going crazy not knowing what to do.. I am tired of hurting he keeps pulling me in. I told him we could talk but strictly about the kids. He calls me constantly. I dont pick up. He txt me I txt him to.. He made me tell him that i loved him and i did not want anyone else. He told me he better not find out i am doing stupid things.

I just cant understand what he wants.


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## dormant (Apr 3, 2012)

Time to cut all ties!


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## ThreeStrikes (Aug 11, 2012)

So in a nutshell...

He cheats, doesn't provide for his family, emotionally abuses you, skips out on his parental responsibilities, and forces you to tell him you love him...:scratchhead:

The question is:

Why have you tolerated this type of relationship for so long?

When dealing with toxic people like him, never listen to their words. Observe their actions. His actions are telling you the real story.


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## FormerSelf (Apr 21, 2013)

Yeah, this guy is out of control...too much high impulse/ addict behavior. He will never be stable, nor keep a promise for a minute as he is just going to go with how he feels at any given moment. You will never understand what he wants...for HE doesn't understand what he wants!!! He is just blowing around with the wind...whatever first impulse crosses his mind. I know you have years invested...but it's time to get off this merry-go-round.


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## moz101 (May 16, 2013)

Thank you for all your advise. I ask myself the same question. Why did I stayed for soo long. Now he is telling me he loves me and that he does not want to ever loose me. To let him do the right thing.. I am sooo heart broken that I do not know what to do.. My heart tells me that I will never be happy with him. But I am just soo confuse..


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## ThreeStrikes (Aug 11, 2012)

Why would you believe what he says?

What are you confused about?


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## SkyHigh (Jun 17, 2012)

You can't give your love to somebody who clearly won't love you back.

You HAVE to get away from him, for your own good. People like him are so toxic that the longer you stay near him, the more it will shred you until you barely resemble yourself.

Speaking from experience.


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## moz101 (May 16, 2013)

So I made up my mind and was going on with my life. Cut out all contact with him. He kept texting me and calling me. I told him we could only talk about the kids strictly the kids.. Yesterday I was out and about with my daughter my son stayed home. Enjoying the day. He started calling me. To come home that he was outside etc etc. I told him I he needed to leave that I was not coming home. He kept calling and calling all through out the day. I did not pick up. My son then txt me. That he was inside the house. He broke in our house since he does not have keys. I was really angry and kept telling him that he needed to leave.. to let us live in peace. Of course he started crying begging me to come home bla bla that he was not going to hurt me anymore. I kept telling him no that he lost his chance to leave us alone that he needed to leave. I said that he will continue to be able to see his kids. Well he did not want to leave. I had to go back home it was getting very late and my son was there. so i had to go back.. I feel sooo confuse. I dont find it in my heart to call the cops on him.. i wish i can believe that he will change or make an effort but I dont.. I feel sooo confused.. and feel like i am stuck.


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## ThreeStrikes (Aug 11, 2012)

He has no respect for you, or your boundaries.

You need to take a hard stance. 

Next time, you call the police. He broke into your home!

You keep mentioning that you are confused.

I don't think you are. I think you are just afraid to draw a hard line, because you are afraid you will hurt his feelings.

He needs hard boundaries and tough love, and you do not need to live like this.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

You are stuck. Until you start taking ownership of your life.

C


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## moz101 (May 16, 2013)

Hi all, thanks for all your post. True since he has been home all we have done is argue he is always in a bad mood. He expects for me to prove myself to him he wants all d attention. He says I never do anything that I'm always tired. Come on I work all day take care of all the house chores, pick up d kids , dinner, bills etc. He had a day off from work n he did not do anything around to help me clean. I never stop so of course I will b tired.

I wrote him a letter when he decided to stay. With things I expected him to do. He has done none.

Last night we had an argument and I'm tired of his threats that he will remember this, that i will see etc.

Well I lost it I started feeling afraid. Afraid of feeling hurt that I hit him and told him to get d f out that he would not hurt us again that nit to ever come back and not to ever break in the house again. I KNOW THIS WAS WRONG AND I REGRET IT WITH ALL MY HEART. 

I don't know what will be next. He didn't leave but I Know things will not get any better from here on


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## Peeps678 (May 21, 2013)

You need to get out. Him being there isn't good for you or the kids. He isn't going to change. He's been given enough time, but he's chosen not to try. Its time for you to move forward with your life, and that doesn't include him.


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## Dadwithtwolittlegirls (Jul 23, 2012)

I think you should have at least made a police report the first time he broke in.
He is obviously capable of these types of things.
Imagine if he broke in while you were sleeping and you woke up to him in your room?

Think from the head...not from the heart now.

It's hard.. I'm fighting the same thing right now


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## moz101 (May 16, 2013)

Hi everyone cryng incontrabably. Things here have been hell. He comes in and out of d House. We are constantly arguing. This relationship has been so toxic that i am loosing My self control i get angry at him very easily. I hate to see hoe he just doesnt care but yet will not leave us alone. I tried calling the cops but i do not end up doing it.. I feel so hopeless. I really do.
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## moz101 (May 16, 2013)

I cant do this anymore i really cant
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## moz101 (May 16, 2013)

He comes from Work asking me to go with his fam somewhere in between he asked for toilet paper n i heard him call me stupid so i lost it told him to get out that nobody wanted him here that he forced himself in and he has not done anything to change i really lost it i screamed with all My lungs. He acts like he has no kind of feeling towards me all he said ok u did not want to go with mu family dont ask me to do anything etc etc
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