# Please help. Does he have drinking problem?



## lostnbroken

I have felt that my STXH drink so much since last Oct. I know he hates his job, feels unappreciated by the company, and thinks they don't pay him enough. He's been very unhappy about the situation for quite sometime. 

A lot of times, the first thing he does when he gets home from work, is to make a drink. He can drink a lot and has high tolerance of alchole. Depending on what we have in the house, but on a weekday night, he can drink more than 6 beers in one night, or a whole bottle of wine + a few beers, or many glasses of cap/coke or screwdriver (the hard liqure is almost half a glass in every glasses he drinks.)

Besides drinking at home, sometimes he goes out to a bar with coworkers too after work. His check is always more than his coworkers' (his can be somewhere around $50, and his coworkers' aound $10~$20). He also likes to buy shots for them (shots cost a lot!).

He goes out almost every Firday night or Saturday, sometimes both days. He is determined to get wasted when he goes out, which I believe he spends a lot of money as well on drinking. He doesn't like me to tag along coz I would try to put a stop when he goes overboard. 

He would go to bars by himself to the point that he wouldn't call me and tell me where he is or wouldn't answer his phone when I call. His reason is that he doesn't want to upset me, or he's worried i would be mad at him.

One time during a fight, he said to me that "you are the reason why I drink like this!" It's so hurtful and heartbreaking to hear him say that. 

I mean, i knew he drinks before we got married. But we were in college and it was what every one was doing on the weekends: party and drink. I, myself, would start to go to bars from thursday night to Saturday night, on a weekly basis. But after I got out of school and into the real world, I cut back a lot, maybe just one day a week with two glasses. He, on the other hand, drinks still, but drinks even a lot more and frequently, starting around Oct 2010. 

I am currently 6000 miles away from the US. It was our plan that I would come to my homwtown to visit my family first. Then he would fly in later to meet up. He got very mad a week before his trip because I asked if he had drank too much or too frequently since I left. He felt that I was looking down on him. what's worse, I sent him an article about "functioning alcholic", which was the worst move I did now looking back. Anyway, he ended up not coming here and he wanted to break up (I didn't find out from him. I couldn't get a hold of him after the fight for 4 days. I then called his parents because they were the people he saw before our last phone conversation. They then told me I should talk to him myself. That's how I found out why he was avoiding my calls. I didn't even bother to call him or answer his calls after that bc this is not the first time he did things like this. We haven't spoken since.) He gets so defensive when it comes to talking about his drinking problem, which he does not think he has a problem at all. He thinks I am ridiculous and a messed up....which could have been that most harsh thing he ever said to me during our marriage. My method might be wrong, but I was really concerned about his liver and health, let alone alcholism runs in his family! 

I will not go into why we are getting a divorce here. It's a very long story. I just wanted to know if he has some kind of drinking problem. Anyone that can give me some insight? I will appreciate it very much....


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## Freak On a Leash

lostnbroken said:


> I have felt that my STBXH drink so much since last Oct.
> 
> A lot of times, the first thing he does when he gets home from work, is to make a drink
> 
> on a weekday night, he can drink more than 6 beers in one night, or a whole bottle of wine + a few beers, or many glasses of cap/coke or screwdriver (the hard liquor is almost half a glass in every glasses he drinks.)
> 
> Besides drinking at home, sometimes he goes out to a bar with coworkers too after work. His check is always more than his coworkers'
> 
> He goes out almost every Firday night or Saturday, sometimes both days. He is determined to get wasted when he goes out, which I believe he spends a lot of money as well on drinking. He doesn't like me to tag along coz I would try to put a stop when he goes overboard.
> 
> He would go to bars by himself to the point that he wouldn't call me and tell me where he is or wouldn't answer his phone when I call.
> 
> One time during a fight, he said to me that "you are the reason why I drink like this!" It's so hurtful and heartbreaking to hear him say that.
> 
> He got very mad a week before his trip because I asked if he had drank too much or too frequently since I left. He felt that I was looking down on him.
> 
> He gets so defensive when it comes to talking about his drinking problem, which he does not think he has a problem at all.
> 
> He thinks I am ridiculous and a messed up....which could have been that most harsh thing he ever said to me during our marriage.
> 
> let alone alcholism runs in his family!
> 
> I just wanted to know if he has some kind of drinking problem. Anyone that can give me some insight? I will appreciate it very much....


:scratchhead: Uh..read what you've written and you tell me. 

I'd say you have a problem. The question is, CAN he stop drinking? Is he ever sober? Does he get the shakes and gets panic striken when he doesn't drink? 

I'm married to an alcoholic. He started drinking in June, was in detox/rehab in August and was back on the bottle in October. I wish you the best of luck.


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## sam13

Oh he is definitely a functional alcoholic....no question....he sounds worse than my husband but either way they are both very defensive....its super frustrating because they are sweet one day and then the next they're a total boozebag and jerk....the worse part is that they make us feel like the jerk and the person who is wrong in it all.....hope things go well for you....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Freak On a Leash

sam13 said:


> Oh he is definitely a functional alcoholic....no question....he sounds worse than my husband but either way they are both very defensive....its super frustrating because they are sweet one day and then the next they're a total boozebag and jerk....the worse part is that they make us feel like the jerk and the person who is wrong in it all....



Well, I'm glad we are all married to the same man. Misery loves company.


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## Prodigal

lostnbroken said:


> I just wanted to know if he has some kind of drinking problem.


YES.


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## lostnbroken

Thank you, guys! I appreciate your input about my question I've been wondering for a long time. Fortunately we do not have kids. Thank god, really!

He thinks it's ridiculous of me to say that he drinks too much too frequently. And because he's so nice and functions normally when sober, it had made me wonder if I really have nagged him too much over nothing. Guess alcholic blames people for their drinking, no matter they are functional or dysfunctional?


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## mama11

I am dealing with sort of the same thing....it's horrible. Sounds like he is like my husband and is good and turning the problem on you and making you feel horrible, he is minipulating you like my husband does me. I am in a state of do i geta divorce we have a beautiful 2 year old and i just don't know what the right thing to do is. Good luck and don't take it personal that's just what alcoholics are good at.


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## Freak On a Leash

mommy22 said:


> I think functional alcoholics have an easier time rationalizing their drinking as well. They think, "Well, I can hold down a job. I live a pretty normal life. I'm not staggering in the streets or anything." They can be some of the toughest to convince. Sadly, it often takes a rock bottom moment to snap them into reality. I know all too well.


Yep, that's my husband's line of reasoning.In many ways he's very functional. He cleans the house, he shovels the walk from snow and he can be very pleasant. But he's...off. Hard to explain. Also, it's like the life has been drained from him..

He's definitely not the guy I once knew and loved. It's sad. I don't know where "bottom" is for him. I've given up trying to guess.

I have to say it's both reassuring and sad that so many of us are experiencing the same thing.


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