# Is this new?



## Linguist (Nov 24, 2012)

This morning she told me she wants me to pay half her car payment because it's a family car, minivan? Huh

Am I being bias to think this is unreasonable and slightly ridiculous?

Couldn't I say that about our house she moved out of?


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## dormant (Apr 3, 2012)

IF she moved out and the car is NOT in your name.....No way!!!


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

Yes that is ridiculous and not how it works. You may have to pay child support or in rare cases alimony, but not half her vehicle no matter what she uses it for.


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## Linguist (Nov 24, 2012)

Sometimes it's hard to see straight, I feel my emotions are being taken advantage in exchange for money

She complains about not having money but won't work any more than 3 nights waiting/bar tending, that she doesn't want to lose any time with our DD, which I appreciate but I'm fully willing to support her schedule, she gets mad hen I buy our DD clothes because she can't, etc etc 

I feel totally emotionally back mailed


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## HappyKaty (Nov 20, 2012)

Linguist said:


> I feel totally emotionally back mailed


That's because you are being emotionally abused.


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## Linguist (Nov 24, 2012)

Am I? 

It feels like it, she doesn't want me to judge her choice to wait tables instead of using her college degree, even thoug it will impact my CS, and she wants money from me, even though she can't afford her bills but won't work more. Am I missing something? Am I being unreasonable, I say if you need money work more, but she doesn't want to or says she can't

What's reasonable?


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## HappyKaty (Nov 20, 2012)

She's using every opportunity she can to guilt you.

But guess what...

She's not your problem, anymore.

She made that decision FOR YOU.


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## Linguist (Nov 24, 2012)

I was on top of it until I allowed my feelings to ntervene today

How do I combat guilt, I was doing spectacular until I reached out and tried to improve our communication and I get told this is all my fault, so i apologize, and then its all about she doesnt have money, she can't take DD any place, she can't afford this, and Shed rather be someone's maid and broke then get back together, and She is now gay but she tells me that has nothing to do with this, etc etc

My head wants explode, maybe it was easier for me when we weren't talking and I hadn't tried to improve our standing and communication


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## HappyKaty (Nov 20, 2012)

Are you in counseling?


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## Linguist (Nov 24, 2012)

Yes, he has been great, I've healed emotionally but today I got dragged back into fear and guilt

She is sooooo good at this


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## HappyKaty (Nov 20, 2012)

It only gets worse, the stronger you get.

You'll notice how much more prevalent her attacks become, over time.

The key is to keep your focus on you and your daughter.

She didn't have to make the decision she did, BUT...

She did.

Who cares how little money she has?

By the way, she knows she's soooooo good at it.

That's why she's doing it.


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## Linguist (Nov 24, 2012)

HappyKaty said:


> It only gets worse, the stronger you get.
> 
> You'll notice how much more prevalent her attacks become, over time.
> 
> ...



Well said


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## Too Little Too Late? (Sep 2, 2012)

Linguist said:


> Well said


Do not do anything that will make you feel like crap after you do it. Been there done that but no more. Mine did the exact same thing and I caved. been kicking myself in the ass ever since. Learn from my experience.


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## sadshane (Dec 4, 2012)

A big no on paying half her car payment. When she decided to leave she took on the responsibilities of her own life. The whole made her bed and lay in it to thing. When my wife wanted to do our trial separation, one thing I said was no selling of major property, both of our vehicles have payments, and hers was our all wheel drive, we live in a snowy climate. So I didn't want it sold in case we can reconsile


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## caladan (Nov 2, 2012)

Don't touch that car payment. It's her car, not yours if she doesn't want it, let her sell it and buy a personal car for herself.

It's not your problem.


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