# In Doghouse for lack of trust



## DanX

In many ways I feel ashamed to even write this post. I have been married for the past 25 years to my soul mate and mother of three now grown children. She is intelligent, compassionate and attractive. A perfect spouse.

And I know she would never cheat. I suppose many people might roll their eyes at that statement, but I know her well. She is deeply religious and she has been nothing but loyal during our years together.

The problem is my insecurity. I have always been somewhat insecure, but it grew worse when my wife turned 50 last year.

Turning 50 was hard on my wife and she sort of went through a mid-life crises. She responded by changing her look. She dyed her hair blonde, purchased a new wardrobe and lost weight. All these were healthy choices and I was supportive. But secretly I was insecure. Would she still want her short, overweight, balding husband after she transformed her looks?

I did express my fear to her, but she assured me that she loves only me and she wants to look and be attractive for me. 

But then I did something stupid. I let irrational jealousy play with my mind. And it was all in my mind, nothing happened. I am actually embarrassed to even relate my feelings. But here it goes.

Over the years my wife has supplemented our income by giving piano lessons in our home (she is a full time music teacher.) Mostly her students are kids, but she occasionally has adult students. One of such student is a 19 year old kid that attends our church.

And here is the thing – I caught them doing… nothing. He comes over for piano lessons once a week and that is it. The lessons are Wednesday nights while I am here. 

So why was I jealous? Because they seemed to “light up” around each other. And because my wife seemed dress somewhat inappropriate around him. Actually, it was not inappropriate or ****ty. But she showed some cleavage and I notice that he glanced frequently.

Anyway, I always try to be honest with my feelings with my wife so I talked to her after one of the lessons. I told her she should dress more conservative so he wouldn't get the wrong idea. Big mistake.

She went into a rage I have not seen in 25 years of my marriage. She accused me of being a pervert in thinking such things. And that I was a controlling and insecure monster. And how could I think that she was a *****?

I immediately apologized. But that did not do any good. Flowers the next day also did not seem to help. It has been six weeks and I am still in the doghouse. What do I do?


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## weightlifter

Six weeks?
Something stinks and it may or may not actually be you.

Not necessarily infidelity but perhaps her own fantasy being blown up. Awful lot of red flags yet everything was while you were at home.

Scratch head.

6 weeks is NOT normal for this type of situation.


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## DoneWithHurting

She's liking the attention from this young buck.

It's not ok that she reacted this way.

Read her the riot act now. Take your chance - she wont leave.
I told mine no adult male students. She baulked but has not had any since.

Time to man up my friend.
She's vulnerable. Shore up your boundaries.
It's your right and responsibility.


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## Tobyboy

I bet they're friends on facebook and she "likes" everything he posts. Does your wife keep her phone glue to her hand? Password locked?
Her over the top reaction was to put you in your place!


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## LonelyinLove

As a 50 something woman, you would still be in my doghouse too.


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## DanX

Yeah, my lack of trust was a killer.

Intellectually I know that nothing happened or could happen. 19 year old boys are not interested (no matter how good looking) in 50 year old women. And women that age are not interested in such young boys.

I really feel stupid. But that is what insecurity can do. 

I am not sure how I should better apologize.


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## DanX

LonelyinLove said:


> As a 50 something woman, you would still be in my doghouse too.


So how do I get out of the doghouse?


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## workindad

Your feelings are your feelings and you had every right to discuss the situation with your wife. Her reaction is beyond defensive and trails into well- lunacy.

She obviously intended to smack you into your place.
Consider using a VAR when you are not home. Just because she isn't speaking to you doesn't mean she isn't speaking.

Also, your description of such a religious person doesn't fit the issue and 6 weeks of abuse you are tolerating. What religion teaches that?

If she's dressing suggestively around him and you notice it, then she knows it as well. Call her on her BS.

Maybe nothing happened, but she is at least enjoying the attention and looks. 

Do not back down. Get and use a VAR and or a keylogger if she uses a computer or confront her and do not waiver.


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## lifeistooshort

weightlifter said:


> Six weeks?
> Something stinks and it may or may not actually be you.
> 
> Not necessarily infidelity but perhaps her own fantasy being blown up. Awful lot of red flags yet everything was while you were at home.
> 
> Scratch head.
> 
> 6 weeks is NOT normal for this type of situation.



Maybe she's tired of 25 years of his insecurity. It's unattractive. 

Not every po'd woman is cheating, hard as that may be to believe. If I was cheating with every guy who glanced at my cleavage I'd be quite a slvt. 

Geez, she doesn't have to wear a burka because some 19 year old took a glance.

Besides, I thought the mantra here was that men look and it's no big deal? Then whyv is it not ok when some other dude looks at your wife?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lifeistooshort

You could always stop complaining and take yourself to the gym. The constant insecurity is unattractive. The balding you can't do anything about, but you know what? Most women don't care that much about your hairline. But nothing is stopping you from hitting the gym and becoming more attractive for her. Or is she not worth it?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## DanX

DoneWithHurting said:


> She's liking the attention from this young buck.
> 
> It's not ok that she reacted this way.
> 
> Read her the riot act now. Take your chance - she wont leave.
> I told mine no adult male students. She baulked but has not had any since.
> 
> Time to man up my friend.
> She's vulnerable. Shore up your boundaries.
> It's your right and responsibility.


No, she is in the right. She has been faithful and wonderful wife for 25 years. And she helps supplement our income by teaching piano. She loves me enough to take care of her looks and remain attractive.

I return that love by suggesting that she dressed inappropriately for a boy younger than our son. That is inexcusable.


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## DanX

lifeistooshort said:


> Maybe she's tired of 25 years of his insecurity. It's unattractive.
> 
> Not every po'd woman is cheating, hard as that may be to believe. If I was cheating with every guy who glanced at my cleavage I'd be quite a slvt.
> 
> Geez, she doesn't have to wear a burka because some 19 year old took a glance.
> 
> Besides, I thought the mantra here was that men look and it's no big deal? Then whyv is it not ok when some other dude looks at your wife?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You are right. Men do look at attractive women. And even though my wife lost weight, she still has larger breasts. It just seems like now she seems to display more cleavage than she did previously. 

My thought process is – why is she displaying more cleavage? Doesn't she know men will look? And why would she want that if she is happy with me?


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## lifeistooshort

DanX said:


> You are right. Men do look at attractive women. And even though my wife lost weight, she still has larger breasts. It just seems like now she seems to display more cleavage than she did previously.
> 
> My thought process is – why is she displaying more cleavage? Doesn't she know men will look? And why would she want that if she is happy with me?


Men looking has nothing to do with whether she's happy with you. Does you looking at pretty women have anything to do with how much you love your wife? If you dress nice and women look does that mean it's really because you're not happy with her? Should you wear nasty sweats so women won't look? See the logic?

I think if you made some more effort to be in better shape it would show her how important she is to you, that you're willing to put effort in.

She's turned 50 so maybe she's wondering whether men still find her attractive? The guys here on TAM are quite fond of going on about how women decline after 40 so how do you suppose your average woman feels?

Maybe you should join her at the gym. It's more time with her and good for you, and maybe it'll spark her interest a bit?
And you'll feel better about yourself. It would be way more attractive for you to add a little muscle and tell her how hot she is and how you need some muscle to beat up the dudes who want her.....playfully of course.

My husband is 19 years older than me and I'm in very good shape so men do look. He's been known to tell me that he saw someone looking and now he has to fvck me good so I won't think about anyone else. That's hot. Complaining about a shirt is not.


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## DanX

lifeistooshort said:


> You could always stop complaining and take yourself to the gym. The constant insecurity is unattractive. The balding you can't do anything about, but you know what? Most women don't care that much about your hairline. But nothing is stopping you from hitting the gym and becoming more attractive for her. Or is she not worth it?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


But the gym won’t fix short. And I have some health issues which have led to my weight. 

When my wife was heavier I was not as insecure. But then she lost 50 pounds and now we are mismatched. And that leads to my insecurity. And I know that insecurity makes things even worse.


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## lifeistooshort

DanX said:


> But the gym won’t fix short. And I have some health issues which have led to my weight.
> 
> When my wife was heavier I was not as insecure. But then she lost 50 pounds and now we are mismatched. And that leads to my insecurity. And I know that insecurity makes things even worse.


So what? Fix what you can. If you're short you're short....and you were short when your wife married you so clearly that wasn't an issue.

My father was 5'5.....and when he got divorced from my mom he had 3 and 4 women at a time. Many of whom were taller than him. He was in good shape and an all around tough guy. Even when he was dying of cancer he had them pushing him in a wheelchair around the zoo 

Health issues happen, but that doesn't mean you can't hit the gym and make the best of what you have. Many times for us women it's the effort we see that counts. I don't expect my husband to look like Hercules because that's not his build, but he works with what he has and that's all I ask.


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## jsmart

DanX said:


> No, she is in the right. She has been faithful and wonderful wife for 25 years. And she helps supplement our income by teaching piano. She loves me enough to take care of her looks and remain attractive.
> 
> I return that love by suggesting that she dressed inappropriately for a boy younger than our son. That is inexcusable.


There is insecurity and then there is anxiety that a person gets in their gut when something is not right. The thing is know which it is. 

Something about your wife being upset for 6 weeks doesn't sit right. I doubt a 19 year old wants anything from a 50 year old but a horny teen won't turn down some action if it's thrown at him. I mean look at some of these married mother of 2 teachers having a young teens kid. So that stuff does happen. 

If your gut is not liking something, then you need to investigate. VAR in the car and music room and access to phone and laptop. You better believe if the tables were turned, your wife would turn the house upside down if she sniffed something might be up. 

Don't freaking apologize for being protective of your marriage. This is no joke. Read the threads on here, loveshack, Surviving infidelity, MMSL forum. Time after time and man starts a thread about feeling guilty for checking on their wife and wanting help with their insecurity. After some further digging, low and behold, something was going on. *DON"T IGNORE YOUR GUT.*


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## lifeistooshort

jsmart said:


> There is insecurity and then there is anxiety that a person gets in their gut when something is not right. The thing is know which it is.
> 
> Something about your wife being upset for 6 weeks doesn't sit right. I doubt a 19 year old wants anything from a 50 year old but a horny teen won't turn down some action if it's thrown at him. I mean look at some of these married mother of 2 teachers having a young teens kid. So that stuff does happen.
> 
> If your gut is not liking something, then you need to investigate. VAR in the car and music room and access to phone and laptop. You better believe if the tables were turned, your wife would turn the house upside down if she sniffed something might be up.
> 
> Don't freaking apologize for being protective of your marriage. This is no joke. Read the threads on here, loveshack, Surviving infidelity, MMSL forum. Time after time and man starts a thread about feeling guilty for checking on their wife and wanting help with their insecurity. After some further digging, low and behold, something was going on. *DON"T IGNORE YOUR GUT.*



Except that he admits he's always been insecure and then his wife committed the cardinal sin of losing weight and looking better. 

This issue didn't just start.

He hasn't said she cut off intimacy, or that she's going out with friends a lot, just that she looks better. And some 19 year old looked at her cleavage.
So I guess even brushing her hair is reason to be alarmed.

Sounds like an exhausting way to live.

His gut is not reliable in a case like this.


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## DanX

lifeistooshort said:


> She's turned 50 so maybe she's wondering whether men still find her attractive? The guys here on TAM are quite fond of going on about how women decline after 40 so how do you suppose your average woman feels?
> 
> My husband is 19 years older than me and I'm in very good shape so men do look. He's been known to tell me that he saw someone looking and now he has to fvck me good so I won't think about anyone else. That's hot. Complaining about a shirt is not.


My wife knows I find her attractive. I tell her all the time. So why would she need that validation from other men?

And I am not asking my wife to wear a burka. But why does she need a blouse that shows so much cleavage at a piano lesson? She has to know that he will look… right? But she acted like she had no idea and I was being a sicko.

And this woman has been my love and soul mate for 25 years. And another man, boy really, was looking at her inappropriately. I know that is wrong on me to get jealous. But I don’t want to lose her.


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## lifeistooshort

DanX said:


> My wife knows I find her attractive. I tell her all the time. So why would she need that validation from other men?
> 
> And I am not asking my wife to wear a burka. But why does she need a blouse that shows so much cleavage at a piano lesson? She has to know that he will look… right? But she acted like she had no idea and I was being a sicko.
> 
> And this woman has been my love and soul mate for 25 years. And another man, boy really, was looking at her inappropriately. I know that is wrong on me to get jealous. But I don’t want to lose her.



Take this in the most friendly of ways from a woman that doesn't know you from Adam except what you're writing but really does want to help. Your attitude is extremely needy and unattractive. It is going to turn your wife off. You are your own worst enemy.....please get a handle on this before you screw up your marriage.


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## weightlifter

Hey everbody look at my LEFT hand.
# punches everybody with his RIGHT hand.
Misdirection at work.
So im driving to work. Im thinking about tomorrows project not TAM and brain spits out: the 19 y/o boy does not fit this...

You know what does:
You are watching the 19 y/o boy when its someone else. Possibly at the gym or work. The 6 weeks of abuse is her detaching and or using as excuse to get out of the house.
Typical older woman scenarios ive seen are womans age up to 10 or so years not 30 years.
Then again you dont have poo to go on. IF you decide to dig and ill warn you your trail is thin...
Before you do anything electronic you need basic logistics which you lack.

Other possibility is she suspects you of something.


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## MattMatt

DanX said:


> Yeah, my lack of trust was a killer.
> 
> Intellectually I know that nothing happened or could happen.* 19 year old boys are not interested (no matter how good looking) in 50 year old women. *And women that age are not interested in such young boys.
> 
> I really feel stupid. But that is what insecurity can do.
> 
> I am not sure how I should better apologize.


Really? Seriously?

When I was younger I had a brief liaison with a woman who was over 50. Why? I thought she was one of the most beautiful, exotic women I had ever seen.

I am now 57 myself, I met her again recently and all those feelings came back, I got sweaty palms and suddenly I was 25 again. 

And cleavage is cleavage.

How can I put this?:scratchhead: 

If someone does not want the candy to be looked at or even touched,it's best to keep the lid firmly on the jar.


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## weightlifter

Btw do agree with life on one thing: 
(Sorry life. Ill try not to do it again)
Get you azz to the gym yesterday.


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## lifeistooshort

weightlifter said:


> Btw do agree with life on one thing:
> (Sorry life. Ill try not to do it again)
> Get you azz to the gym yesterday.




No downside to going to the gym


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## DanX

lifeistooshort said:


> Take this in the most friendly of ways from a woman that doesn't know you from Adam except what you're writing but really does want to help. Your attitude is extremely needy and unattractive. It is going to turn your wife off. You are your own worst enemy.....please get a handle on this before you screw up your marriage.


You are right. I need to talk to my wife and tel her I am sorry about all this insecurity.


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## jsmart

DanX said:


> But the gym won’t fix short. And I have some health issues which have led to my weight.
> 
> When my wife was heavier I was not as insecure. But then she lost 50 pounds and now we are mismatched. And that leads to my insecurity. And I know that insecurity makes things even worse.


The gym will fix what you have control over. Start lifing heavy. It'll boost your T-levels, which will improve your confidence. 

Don't dwell on what you can't control. She married you short. So it's not deal breaker for her.

Improve your wardrobe and make sure hairstyle and facial hair are groomed. If you're balding, shave your head or do a short taper, think Jason Stathem. 

She got hotter and you remained the same. Bad move.
NEVER let your woman start getting hot and you remain a fuddy duddy. That will cause problems. Why do you think so many woman get divorced shortly after a getting a boob job.


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## DanX

weightlifter said:


> Hey everbody look at my LEFT hand.
> # punches everybody with his RIGHT hand.
> Misdirection at work.
> So im driving to work. Im thinking about tomorrows project not TAM and brain spits out: the 19 y/o boy does not fit this...
> 
> You know what does:
> You are watching the 19 y/o boy when its someone else. Possibly at the gym or work. The 6 weeks of abuse is her detaching and or using as excuse to get out of the house.
> Typical older woman scenarios ive seen are womans age up to 10 or so years not 30 years.
> Then again you dont have poo to go on. IF you decide to dig and ill warn you your trail is thin...
> Before you do anything electronic you need basic logistics which you lack.
> 
> Other possibility is she suspects you of something.



Just to clarify, she is not abusing me. Just cold and distant. She is upset and has the right to be.

And, yeah, I know the 19 year old boy thing is impossible on many levels. But I was emotional.


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## jsmart

weightlifter said:


> Hey everbody look at my LEFT hand.
> # punches everybody with his RIGHT hand.
> Misdirection at work.
> So im driving to work. Im thinking about tomorrows project not TAM and brain spits out: the 19 y/o boy does not fit this...
> 
> You know what does:
> *You are watching the 19 y/o boy when its someone else. Possibly at the gym or work. The 6 weeks of abuse is her detaching and or using as excuse to get out of the house.*
> Typical older woman scenarios ive seen are womans age up to 10 or so years not 30 years.
> Then again you dont have poo to go on. IF you decide to dig and ill warn you your trail is thin...
> Before you do anything electronic you need basic logistics which you lack.
> 
> Other possibility is she suspects you of something.


That's exactly what I thought. He needs to do some digging to rule out another man. Being upset for 6 weeks could just be a way to not be intimate with OP and be loyal to an OM. 

Just have read of too many men that fought their gut only to have been right. If nothing is found, then no hurt no foul.


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## OldWolf57

are you not reading all the replies??

6 wks and it's time to put your foot down.
But you seem to be ignoring weighlifter and some others.

Her response is over the top.
In all these years has she ever acted like this after a talk ?

Shut your eyes if you want, but her response was pure guilt to me.

Now go back and reread The Weightlifter's post.


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## MarriedDude

DanX said:


> You are right. I need to talk to my wife and tel her I am sorry about all this insecurity.


Don't apologize anymore. Stop that. It just makes you look more weak and needy. 

I would bet you have probably apologized for this 1000's of times over the last 25 years. She doesn't want anymore apologies. 

Get yourself to the gym. make yourself the best you that you possible can. She will notice that. You will gain some confidence..SHE WILL notice that. 

For gods sake...stop giving her your feelings. Your probably making her go bat****. 

And come on....a 19yo kid checked out your wife's rack??? So what. Several of my sons friends can't stop staring at my wife's chest (it's huge)...It makes her uncomfortable...but I think its hilarious. I just tell them....If you want one of those...finish college and stay employed.


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## MarriedDude

OldWolf57 said:


> are you not reading all the replies??
> 
> 6 wks and it's time to put your foot down.
> But you seem to be ignoring weighlifter and some others.
> 
> Her response is over the top.
> In all these years has she ever acted like this after a talk ?
> 
> Shut your eyes if you want, but her response was pure guilt to me.
> 
> Now go back and reread The Weightlifter's post.


Maybe his wife's reaction isn't over the top given the context....It's a cumulative affect of 25 years of insecurity topped off with him being jealous of a 19yo checking her out. 

He could spin his wheels and do all kinds of investigating---OR he could focus that energy on improving himself. Before he burns the time on trying to channel encyclopedia brown -he needs to be at the top of his game. 

As needy as this guy sounds -at this point -he would show his hand before he even gathered any intel. I'm not saying looking into it is bad...just doesn't seem very do-able at this point.


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## OldWolf57

yeah, right now you are just too needy.

But after 25 yrs. and starting to enjoy attention, after her hard work, yeah, she knows what she was doing.

" is it just the guys in the gym, or do younger guys find me still attractive"
AND BAM !!! you called her on it.
I don't care, 6 weeks is still suspect to me.


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## OldWolf57

6 weeks is detaching.


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## MarriedDude

OldWolf57 said:


> 6 weeks is detaching.


:iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree:

6 weeks is quite a long time. 

Neediness needs to stop....like Yesterday.


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## BobSimmons

DanX said:


> But the gym won’t fix short. And I have *some health issues which have led to my weight*.
> 
> When my wife was heavier I was not as insecure. But then she lost 50 pounds and now we are mismatched. And that leads to my insecurity. And I know that insecurity makes things even worse.


What are these health issues? Surely..eat less, exercise a little more..and get fitter.

Even people in wheelchairs work out.

Do something about your self esteem, and read No More Mr Nice Guy because you're screaming beta.


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## MarriedDude

BobSimmons said:


> What are these health issues? Surely..eat less, exercise a little more..and get fitter.
> 
> Even people in wheelchairs work out.
> 
> Do something about your self esteem, and read No More Mr Nice Guy because you're screaming beta.


Exactly. OP -stop coming up with reasons why you can't work out. 
I mean -It can be fun to do -there is all kinds of reasons....just almost ZERO good ones.


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## workindad

OP
Do you have the right to get mad at your spouse when she talks about her feelings. So much so that you carry it on for 6 weeks?

Also, there is apparently no signal that she is done holding her grudge- putting you in your place... this is the best case scenario for you... How long is this acceptable for 12 weeks, 18? BS. Marriages require active communication. You can't resolve crap the way it is going.

That does not add up. There is likely more that you don't know. You want to blame yourself for her behavior... then expect more of the same.


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## MattMatt

"Excuse me, dear, but that 19-year-old man was mentally undressing you and, as your husband, I found his behaviour somewhat disrespectful to me and to you. Please either stop giving him lessons or perhaps you should wear more 'professional' attire?










:wtf: Honey? I wasn't expecting that reaction! 

Nor should you. Something is amiss.


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## Primrose

Or perhaps she was feeling extra beautiful that day and wanted to dress nice for YOU, OP, and that day just so happened to coincide with a piano lesson with some 19 year old *boy*. 

And then, instead of acknowledging how nice she looked, you accused her of wanting the lustful attention of some kid who isn't even old enough to buy her a drink.

Perhaps that was the straw that broke the camel's back for her after over two decades of insecurity, so now she is detaching because she is fed up?

Get to the gym. I work out along side an 83 year old retired Marine who uses a walker. His elderly wife helps him move along the weight room and helps him get into position to work the machines. If he can do it, so can you.


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## MarriedDude

Primrose said:


> Or perhaps she was feeling extra beautiful that day and wanted to dress nice for YOU, OP, and that day just so happened to coincide with a piano lesson with some 19 year old *boy*.
> 
> And then, instead of acknowledging how nice she looked, you accused her of wanting the lustful attention of some kid who isn't even old enough to buy her a drink.
> 
> *Perhaps that was the straw that broke the camel's back for her after over two decades of insecurity, so now she is detaching because she is fed up?*
> 
> Get to the gym. I work out along side an 83 year old retired Marine who uses a walker. His elderly wife helps him move along the weight room and helps him get into position to work the machines. If he can do it, so can you.


This....This sure does sound realistic...More realistic than woman dressing seductively for 19 year old piano student. 

I mean seriously...don't mean to offend...but a 19 year old boy that takes piano lessons??? That don't come with a keg or a bong? really?


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## NewLife2017

So, he is entitled to his feelings for the last six weeks but hers has a time limit? Could it be possible that she is dressing the way she is to make herself feel better? She was in her home and he was there with them both. I will be 50 this year and I can tell you even talking to a 19 year old (male or female) will make your head hurt. 

I don't know him or her but he has admitted his 25 years of insecurity. He has said she's been a good wife. He didn't ask for advice about her possibly cheating, he asked for advice about her being angry. Can we give her the benefit of doubt until after he has investigated this further? I bet his insecurity is off the charts now.


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## norajane

DanX said:


> My wife knows I find her attractive. I tell her all the time. So why would she need that validation from other men?
> 
> And I am not asking my wife to wear a burka. But why does she need a blouse that shows so much cleavage at a piano lesson? She has to know that he will look… right? But she acted like she had no idea and I was being a sicko.
> 
> And this woman has been my love and soul mate for 25 years. And another man, boy really, was looking at her inappropriately. I know that is wrong on me to get jealous. But I don’t want to lose her.


It's this perspective there that is the reason your wife won't accept your apologies. They aren't sincere. You still believe she did something wrong and that you are a victim somehow. Thus, your apologies aren't meaningful to her. You say the words you are sorry, but your attitude and belief is that SHE should be sorry and apologize or be remoreseful about...something...because YOU feel insecure.

Guess what? There is nothing she can do to make you feel secure. You've had these insecurities for 25 years, even before she lost weight and upgraded her wardrobe and felt good about herself.

Which is why this is a start:



DanX said:


> You are right. I need to talk to my wife and tel her I am sorry about all this insecurity.


but is nowhere near enough. 

It's time to get yourself to a psychiatrist who can help you work through your insecurities and anxieties. You have 25 years of them piled up, and only YOU can do the hard work necessary to be free of them. My guess is your wife will see that you are making an effort to work through your issues instead of blaming her for them and projecting onto her, and she will be more open to moving past this insult - and make no mistake, you insulted your wife - her integrity, her loyalty, her commitment - yes you did.


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## GROUNDPOUNDER

If you can't use workout machines, weights, or go to the gym, at least get out there. Start walking, tomorrow. Start off slow. 30 minutes a day for a few weeks, then start adding time/distance to the trips. If you're not moving. your're standing still...

This may sound off the wall, but I had a friend who was going though a troubled time in his marriage. He was getting the feeling that his Wife was getting less and less interrested in being with him.

One day he asked me for suggestions. He wasn't overweight, but he did have advanced male pattern baldness. I half jokingly told him he should shave his head. That'll get her to notice you again.

When I saw him at work Monday Morning his head was as smooth as a bowling ball. I couldn't believe it. He told me I know that you were joking, but the next time I looked in the mirror, feeling sorry for my self, I said the hell with it. If I can't have a full head of hair, I'll show my scalp who's boss.

His wife came home a few hours later. Took one look at him and her jaw dropped open. She asked him why he did it and before he could even think about what he was saying he told her that I just wanted you to notice me again.

There were tears afterwards but that night when they finished making love, she stroked his scalp and said, I like it. You should keep this look for a while.

I'm not saying that shaving your head is going to mend this rift with your wife. But start with changing things that are within your means right now. Starts walking daily, new cloths, being more positive. People will start to notice. Maybe your wife will notice also.

Btw, I don't know how much extra weight you have, but if you're thinking about my example of shaving your head, keep in mind - The heavier we are, the more the back of our knecks looks like a pack of hotdogs. Just sayin'.


----------



## PhillyGuy13

You mentioned a change in wardrobe for your wife. Has she always dressed with some cleavage exposed? 19 year old boys love cleavage. 

And not to stereotype, but the kid is taking piano lessons at 19. I assume we aren't talking about the captain of the football team here?

Anyway, she is proud of her weight loss. Which should be encouraged. She started dressing to show off that weight loss. Suggesting she "cover up" effectively peed in her Cheerios.

Six weeks is too long to hold a grudge though.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## MattMatt

NewLife2017 said:


> So, he is entitled to his feelings for the last six weeks but hers has a time limit? Could it be possible that she is dressing the way she is to make herself feel better? She was in her home and he was there with them both. I will be 50 this year and I can tell you even talking to a 19 year old (male or female) will make your head hurt.
> 
> I don't know him or her but he has admitted his 25 years of insecurity. He has said she's been a good wife. He didn't ask for advice about her possibly cheating, he asked for advice about her being angry. Can we give her the benefit of doubt until after he has investigated this further? I bet his insecurity is off the charts now.


His feelings are fear, anxiety and sorrow. Hers appear to be rage, anger and contempt.

He didn't ask about her cheating. But he did post in Coping with Infidelity. And often the WS uses pseudo-anger to misdirect their clueless spouse. So, "is she possibly cheating?" is, under the circumstances, a legitimate question, I feel.


----------



## Divinely Favored

DanX said:


> lifeistooshort said:
> 
> 
> 
> She's turned 50 so maybe she's wondering whether men still find her attractive? The guys here on TAM are quite fond of going on about how women decline after 40 so how do you suppose your average woman feels?
> 
> My husband is 19 years older than me and I'm in very good shape so men do look. He's been known to tell me that he saw someone looking and now he has to fvck me good so I won't think about anyone else. That's hot. Complaining about a shirt is not.
> 
> 
> 
> My wife knows I find her attractive. I tell her all the time. So why would she need that validation from other men?
> 
> And I am not asking my wife to wear a burka. But why does she need a blouse that shows so much cleavage at a piano lesson? She has to know that he will look? right? But she acted like she had no idea and I was being a sicko.
> 
> And this woman has been my love and soul mate for 25 years. And another man, boy really, was looking at her inappropriately. I know that is wrong on me to get jealous. But I don?t want to lose her.
Click to expand...

is there is no excuse for her to flaunt her cleavage for a 19 year old boy at a piano lesson tell her she is casting stumbling blocks before this young man. it is her responsibility to see she dresses appropriately, if she chooses not to she is the one who will have to srand and give an account for that.


----------



## jsmart

MattMatt said:


> His feelings are fear, anxiety and sorrow. Hers appear to be rage, anger and contempt.
> 
> He didn't ask about her cheating. But he did post in Coping with Infidelity. And often the WS uses pseudo-anger to misdirect their clueless spouse. So, "is she possibly cheating?" is, under the circumstances, a legitimate question, I feel.


This is why his spidey senses are going off. He definitely has work to do on his body and upping his look which will boost his confidence and reduce his neediness. but for his wife to be hostile for 6 weeks and counting, I would think the problem might be elsewhere. She may have a man that she's attracted to or flirting with at work or gym.


----------



## MattMatt

jsmart said:


> This is why his spidey senses are going off. He definitely has work to do on his body and upping his look which will boost his confidence and reduce his neediness. but for his wife to be hostile for 6 weeks and counting, I would think the problem might be elsewhere. She may have a man that she's attracted to or flirting with at work or gym.


Or she's been angry with him for years (perhaps unjustifiably?) and now is using this incident as an excuse for her rage?:scratchhead:


----------



## DanX

jameskimp said:


> Nope its not impossible, she wants a young 19 year old up in her uterus rather than balding, short, old man. Especially as she gets older. He helps her relive her youth.


Your word choice made me cringe!

Anyway, it is impossible for the following reasons:

1. My wife would never cheat. She has said so many times. I believe her.
2. My wife is quite religious
3. Our son is 20. Need I say more?
4. The age gap is too great. All the women on this forum would agree. We men would go much younger. But women are more age appropriate.
5. The kid is not some “stud”. He is more of the artistic type.


----------



## DanX

MattMatt said:


> "Excuse me, dear, but that 19-year-old man was mentally undressing you and, as your husband, I found his behaviour somewhat disrespectful to me and to you. Please either stop giving him lessons or perhaps you should wear more 'professional' attire?
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> :wtf: Honey? I wasn't expecting that reaction!
> 
> Nor should you. Something is amiss.


Yes. I am the problem with my insecurity. I am taking ownership of the issue.


----------



## TRy

DanX said:


> One of such student is a 19 year old kid that attends our church.
> 
> And here is the thing – I caught them doing… nothing. He comes over for piano lessons once a week and that is it. The lessons are Wednesday nights while I am here.
> 
> So why was I jealous? Because they seemed to “light up” around each other. And because my wife seemed dress somewhat inappropriate around him. Actually, it was not inappropriate or ****ty. But she showed some cleavage and I notice that he glanced frequently.
> 
> Anyway, I always try to be honest with my feelings with my wife so I talked to her after one of the lessons. I told her she should dress more conservative so he wouldn't get the wrong idea. Big mistake.
> 
> She went into a rage I have not seen in 25 years of my marriage. She accused me of being a pervert in thinking such things. And that I was a controlling and insecure monster. And how could I think that she was a *****?
> 
> I immediately apologized. But that did not do any good. Flowers the next day also did not seem to help. It has been six weeks and I am still in the doghouse. What do I do?


 "The lady doth protest too much, methinks" (Hamlet). If you read the infidelity section, you will see that almost every cheater calls their spouse "controlling and insecure" when their spouse wants to discuss their concerns. The truth is, that although I doubt that your wife intended to sleep with the young man, she enjoyed the fact that she could still get him to look. You noticed this and had every right to discuss this with her. Her over reaction is her teaching you not call her out on this again, so that she can continue with her midlife quest for male attention unhindered in the future by you. Tell her that you told the truth when you told her that "she showed some cleavage and I notice that he glanced frequently", then man up and not back down. She needs to be sorry not you.


----------



## weightlifter

Btw. Do NOT bring up cheating with her!!!!! Not a word!!
The last thing we need is yet another half azzed confront.
Look ive been here a long damn time. My ability to see patterns is in the upper fraction of 1%.
Just keep your eyes open. You dont really have enuf to go 007 on her.
The thins i would look for to match pattern are thus:
Picking a fight to go out or sudden need to see friends or sick relatives. 
New password on phone you dont know.
Same with email.
Sexy underwear to go with the outerwear. 

This reminds me of someone... Metluser? This just sticks in my gut as a classic combo ea/pa affair. Damn i hope im wrong.

Again. Dont bring it up with her!!!
Tomorrow i would join a gym and see if more red flags pop up cause right now you dont have squat.


----------



## DanX

Primrose said:


> Or perhaps she was feeling extra beautiful that day and wanted to dress nice for YOU, OP, and that day just so happened to coincide with a piano lesson with some 19 year old *boy*.
> 
> And then, instead of acknowledging how nice she looked, you accused her of wanting the lustful attention of some kid who isn't even old enough to buy her a drink.
> 
> Perhaps that was the straw that broke the camel's back for her after over two decades of insecurity, so now she is detaching because she is fed up?


She has probably around a dozen students (mostly younger, but she does have an adult woman). The thing is I noticed a trend that she only dresses “inappropriately” for this one student. That is what set me off.

Does that mean I think they are having an affair? Of course not. Actually, the kid seems somewhat gay in his mannerisms.


----------



## DanX

PhillyGuy13 said:


> You mentioned a change in wardrobe for your wife. Has she always dressed with some cleavage exposed? 19 year old boys love cleavage.
> 
> And not to stereotype, but the kid is taking piano lessons at 19. I assume we aren't talking about the captain of the football team here?
> 
> Anyway, she is proud of her weight loss. Which should be encouraged. She started dressing to show off that weight loss. Suggesting she "cover up" effectively peed in her Cheerios.
> 
> Six weeks is too long to hold a grudge though.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


No. Before her “transformation” at 50 she always dressed conservatively. And she still does, at times.

And you are correct, the kid is in theater. 

And I am proud of how my wife looks. I just want some boundaries.


----------



## MattMatt

DanX said:


> She has probably around a dozen students (mostly younger, but she does have an adult woman). The thing is I noticed a trend that she only dresses “inappropriately” for this one student. That is what set me off.
> 
> Does that mean I think they are having an affair? Of course not. Actually, the kid seems somewhat gay in his mannerisms.


Doesn't necessarily signify.

And she showed off her rack to just one man? Well, clearly there's no reason why she would have given you cause for concern.


----------



## Anon Pink

Dan, if you have any real expectation of solving this conflict I suggest you get out of CWI because these guys are blowing smoke up your ass and bringing you to the brink of hysteria.

You totally blew it! Totally and completely blew it.

Your comments have all been about keeping her under control so you can more easily do your imaginary c0ck blocking. Instead of rejoicing in how sexy she is, you make it seem like a crime that she is sexy. Instead of being proud of your sexy wife, you make her feel like a cheat and a liar, as if she has to make excuses.

I can promise you this, until you can get your insecurity under control and appreciate your wife's beauty, you will stay in the dog house.

Women do not find insecure men attractive. A man who wants to cover his radiant wife for fear of other men taking notice, is an insecure guys who probably wont get laid that night.

Here's what you do:
1. Start making comments that show your apparition for her beauty.
2. Make sure she hears you say how proud you are to be with such an attractive woman. Tell her just being with her makes you feel 10 feet tall.
3. When she looks great and she's going out, don't get all panicked and worried and anxious. Just smile and ask her if she is going to need a body guard, then pat her ass and remind her to check in with you so you know she hasn't been kidnapped.

When you communicate from your place of anxiety you are essentially laying YOUR problem at the feet of someone else.

Get your own house in order and stop keeping her down so you don't have to fix your own stuff.

BTW, I am a sexy ass 52 year old and I get looks from boys younger than 19. While I am heartily flattered by it...ew. Why would I want to train a pup when I have the sire at home?

Forgot to mention, I've got an awesome rack that's almost always on show in one respect or another. Boys look. Men look, he'll even women look. Looking means nothing.


----------



## Anon Pink

DanX said:


> No. Before her “transformation” at 50 she always dressed conservatively. And she still does, at times.
> 
> And you are correct, the kid is in theater.
> 
> And I am proud of how my wife looks. I just want some boundaries.


If you were proud of how she looked you wouldn't have lost it when a kid looked at her rack.

Boundaries? As in her behavior? Or her dress? So you ARE threatened by other makes taking notice of your beautiful wife? Va-clang!


----------



## GusPolinski

DanX said:


> Your word choice made me cringe!


As it should.



DanX said:


> Anyway, it is impossible for the following reasons:


Break it down!



DanX said:


> 1. My wife would never cheat. She has said so many times. I believe her.


Doesn't matter.



DanX said:


> 2. My wife is quite religious


Doesn't matter.



DanX said:


> 3. Our son is 20. Need I say more?


Doesn't matter.



DanX said:


> 4. The age gap is too great. All the women on this forum would agree. We men would go much younger. But women are more age appropriate.


Doesn't matter.



DanX said:


> 5. The kid is not some “stud”. He is more of the artistic type.


Doesn't matter.

Is that it? Is there more?

Now... having said all that, I'll readily admit that I've not yet read enough of your thread to form an opinion w/ respect to your wife's relationship w/ her student. I just wanted to take a brief moment to point out that none of what you posted above really matters one way or the other, as countless BHs before you have said more or less the same exact things, only to discover later on that their wives were indeed cheating.


----------



## Anon Pink

GusPolinski said:


> I just wanted to take a brief moment to point out that none of what you posted above really matters one way or the other, as countless BHs before you have said more or less the same exact things, only to discover later on that their wives were indeed cheating.


Right, and lots people with a peculiar freckle ended up with a melanoma.

But the VAST majority of people just have a peculiar freckle!

Hoof beats...not a zebra. Horses.


----------



## DanX

Anon Pink said:


> If you were proud of how she looked you wouldn't have lost it when a kid looked at her rack.
> 
> Boundaries? As in her behavior? Or her dress? So you ARE threatened by other makes taking notice of your beautiful wife? Va-clang!


Thanks for your posts Pink. You are about the same as my wife so that provides me with some valuable insight.

I thought of what you said, and I spent some time clarifying my thoughts.

Yes, I am proud that my wife is attractive. And the fact that the kid looked at my wife is not really what bothered me. What bothered me is my impression that my wife dressed and acted in a manner so that this kid would look at her.

As you said in your prior post, you are flattered when young men look at you. But that does not mean you want to have sex with them. They are too young and inspire the “ewww” factor in women. I think men are more suspicious because even though we get older we still find young women to be attractive. I think this works different for women.

So I think my wife consciously dressed in a manner to get noticed by this boy. I think her motivation was to get validation that, yes, even at 50 she can sexually attract men of all ages. But I don’t think her motivation was sexual. I don’t think a normal woman can get sexually attracted to a man younger than her son.

So when I asked her to dress more conservative so he would not get the wrong idea, it triggered two conflicting emotions:

1. Anger – how dare I suggest that she was trying to seduce such a young man. That is gross! How dare I challenge her morality!

2. Shame – she knows her dress was inappropriate and was done for vanity reasons.

Shame + Anger = eruption. 

The problem I am having is on a primal level. While I intellectually understand she would not cheat and her motivation is validation – my primitive side does not like the idea that my wife is symbolically presenting herself to another man. And, yes, showing cleavage in such a manner is a sexual display.

I think that such behavior is disrespectful to both the 19 year old kid and me. At that age boys are highly sexual. Who am I kidding? If given the opportunity I am sure he would have sex with my wife. And I am sure he thinks about her sexually when he is alone. And this is not fair to him. Will only lead to frustration.

And I can pretend to be confident and act like I trust my wife and I am happy that she gets attention. And I tell myself I am 100% sure she would never cheat. But what if I am wrong? And then my imagination runs wild.

And YES I KNOW I NEED TO GET TO THE GYM AND LOSE WEIGHT! But what good will that do me now? It would take me years to get to a proper weight. Meanwhile, my 110 lb wife is flirting and showing her cleavage to a tall, skinny kid. Yes, I know I am crazy and being insecure, but what is to stop her? Fear of divorce? Our kids are grown. So nothing is keeping her here.

Anyway, I need, and appreciate your honest opinion as someone about my wife’s age. If you were not involved with someone could you possibly be attracted to a 19 year old? Or is that pretty much impossible except for a few isolated cases?


----------



## EleGirl

DanX said:


> Thanks for your posts Pink. You are about the same as my wife so that provides me with some valuable insight.
> 
> I thought of what you said, and I spent some time clarifying my thoughts.
> 
> Yes, I am proud that my wife is attractive. And the fact that the kid looked at my wife is not really what bothered me. What bothered me is my impression that my wife dressed and acted in a manner so that this kid would look at her.
> 
> As you said in your prior post, you are flattered when young men look at you. But that does not mean you want to have sex with them. They are too young and inspire the “ewww” factor in women. I think men are more suspicious because even though we get older we still find young women to be attractive. I think this works different for women.
> 
> So I think my wife consciously dressed in a manner to get noticed by this boy. I think her motivation was to get validation that, yes, even at 50 she can sexually attract men of all ages. But I don’t think her motivation was sexual. I don’t think a normal woman can get sexually attracted to a man younger than her son.
> 
> So when I asked her to dress more conservative so he would not get the wrong idea, it triggered two conflicting emotions:
> 
> 1. Anger – how dare I suggest that she was trying to seduce such a young man. That is gross! How dare I challenge her morality!
> 
> 2. Shame – she knows her dress was inappropriate and was done for vanity reasons.
> 
> Shame + Anger = eruption.
> 
> The problem I am having is on a primal level. While I intellectually understand she would not cheat and her motivation is validation – my primitive side does not like the idea that my wife is symbolically presenting herself to another man. And, yes, showing cleavage in such a manner is a sexual display.
> 
> I think that such behavior is disrespectful to both the 19 year old kid and me. At that age boys are highly sexual. Who am I kidding? If given the opportunity I am sure he would have sex with my wife. And I am sure he thinks about her sexually when he is alone. And this is not fair to him. Will only lead to frustration.
> 
> And I can pretend to be confident and act like I trust my wife and I am happy that she gets attention. And I tell myself I am 100% sure she would never cheat. But what if I am wrong? And then my imagination runs wild.
> 
> And YES I KNOW I NEED TO GET TO THE GYM AND LOSE WEIGHT! But what good will that do me now? It would take me years to get to a proper weight. Meanwhile, my 110 lb wife is flirting and showing her cleavage to a tall, skinny kid. Yes, I know I am crazy and being insecure, but what is to stop her? Fear of divorce? Our kids are grown. So nothing is keeping her here.
> 
> Anyway, I need, and appreciate your honest opinion as someone about my wife’s age. *If you were not involved with someone could you possibly be attracted to a 19 year old? Or is that pretty much impossible except for a few isolated cases*?


I'm 65.. so I've been through the 50's. It would be a very isolated case for a 50 year old woman to be attracted to a 19 year old. Believe guys that young are immature and not very interesting at all.


----------



## Anon Pink

DanX said:


> Thanks for your posts Pink. You are about the same as my wife so that provides me with some valuable insight.
> 
> I thought of what you said, and I spent some time clarifying my thoughts.
> 
> Yes, I am proud that my wife is attractive. And the fact that the kid looked at my wife is not really what bothered me. What bothered me is my impression that my wife dressed and acted in a manner so that this kid would look at her.
> 
> As you said in your prior post, you are flattered when young men look at you. But that does not mean you want to have sex with them. They are too young and inspire the “ewww” factor in women. I think men are more suspicious because even though we get older we still find young women to be attractive. I think this works different for women.
> 
> So I think my wife consciously dressed in a manner to get noticed by this boy. I think her motivation was to get validation that, yes, even at 50 she can sexually attract men of all ages. But I don’t think her motivation was sexual. I don’t think a normal woman can get sexually attracted to a man younger than her son.
> 
> So when I asked her to dress more conservative so he would not get the wrong idea, it triggered two conflicting emotions:
> 
> 1. Anger – how dare I suggest that she was trying to seduce such a young man. That is gross! How dare I challenge her morality!
> 
> 2. Shame – she knows her dress was inappropriate and was done for vanity reasons.
> 
> Shame + Anger = eruption.
> 
> The problem I am having is on a primal level. While I intellectually understand she would not cheat and her motivation is validation – my primitive side does not like the idea that my wife is symbolically presenting herself to another man. And, yes, showing cleavage in such a manner is a sexual display.
> 
> I think that such behavior is disrespectful to both the 19 year old kid and me. At that age boys are highly sexual. Who am I kidding? If given the opportunity I am sure he would have sex with my wife. And I am sure he thinks about her sexually when he is alone. And this is not fair to him. Will only lead to frustration.
> 
> And I can pretend to be confident and act like I trust my wife and I am happy that she gets attention. And I tell myself I am 100% sure she would never cheat. But what if I am wrong? And then my imagination runs wild.
> 
> And YES I KNOW I NEED TO GET TO THE GYM AND LOSE WEIGHT! But what good will that do me now? It would take me years to get to a proper weight. Meanwhile, my 110 lb wife is flirting and showing her cleavage to a tall, skinny kid. Yes, I know I am crazy and being insecure, but what is to stop her? Fear of divorce? Our kids are grown. So nothing is keeping her here.
> 
> Anyway, I need, and appreciate your honest opinion as someone about my wife’s age. If you were not involved with someone could you possibly be attracted to a 19 year old? Or is that pretty much impossible except for a few isolated cases?



You are waaaay over thinking something absurdly harmless.

If I was single and desperate to get laid, I still wouldn't have sex with a 19 year old. I remember being 19 and having sex with a 19 year old fumbling numb nut.

Your weight isn't as big of an issue as you might think. Your behavior is everything though.

You're right. Nothing is keeping your wife by your side, except the guy who is convincing her to stay because he once was and still is the best man for her! Are you that guy or not?


----------



## Sports Fan

I smell a terrible stench from her. Red flags are there along with the over the top reaction.

She knows full well she is dressing inapproriately around him.

Dont be to qucik to presume you are wrong. Place a hidden VAR and keylog her computer. I bet you might be surprised at what you might hear.


----------



## Affaircare

I'm almost 53 and just thinking about a 19yo is creeping me out. I mean, they have some of that "stamina of youth" true, but other than that no 19yo has any clue what is going on! I want a man who can match me, at minimum, and outpace me ideally. And I don't mean only physically because hey, I'm 53! I mean mentally. I mean emotionally. I mean verbally. I mean relationally. I could NEVER relate to a 19yo--we have nothing in common!! Now a nice 55yo man, with a rapier wit, a Monty Python sense of humor, and memories of the classic rock of the 70's? BRING IT ON! 

That being said, I do think she probably enjoyed the looks and flattery of the 19yo "looking" and paying some attention. At 50+ who doesn't want to know they've still got it? She may have been playing with some fire there, because what happens is that you cross a little boundary, then another, then another and what FEELS like suddenly you are across the line. 

So my suggestion: you have built a LIFE with her, a family with her, a future with her, and you have a huge advantage over the 19yo because she committed to you and she takes that seriously. Now instead of being controlling and making her dress the way YOU think she should, why don't you be the man who puts that kid to shame? He's just a boy and YOU are a MAN--and trust me a true manly man is much more juicy! You just have to be a person who is confident and attractive--attract HER.

ETA (edited to add): i'm not suggesting this is a competition between you and the 19yo. She vowed to give 100% of her affection and loyalty to you, so don't "compete" for what is yours. Rather, I'm suggesting you grow into the man you ARE. She doesn't want some "kid" -- she wants the man who won her and that is YOU deeper inside. Get in touch with "that guy" again and be him.


----------



## EleGirl

DanX said:


> 2. Shame – she knows her dress was inappropriate and was done for vanity reasons.


Can you give us an example of how much cleavage she was showing? Maybe you can look on google images for a picture of some woman similarly dressed and put a link to it here.


----------



## cgiles

You don't need to go to gym for work out, walk is enough.

You start with a 30min/day walk, during 5 days, then you pass to 45min/day during 3 days, then 1hour/days 6 days/week, 1 day for rest. 

It's important to reach the 45min in a short delay because 45min of exercice it's when the brain releases the relaxing stuff in our body, and reward us.

Eat less, just less, reduce to one glass of soda if you drink more than that by day, or fully get rid of it. Same for alcohol. Smaller plate is a great way to eat less. Take your time too, leave your stomach the time to be filled.


By doing this, in 3 month I lost more than 30pounds, I rebuilded my self esteem - nothing more good than when you find out you can walk a long stairs, and doesn't need a break anymore when you end it, or notice you are one of those people which train daily.-

For your baldness, shave all, have a smooth skull.

For your insecurities, like others said, * you must read "no more mr nice guy" by Robert Glover.* 
It will help you to learn to be happy by yourself. And once you are happy by yourself, you will be much more attractive.

https://7chan.org/lit/src/Robert_Glover_-_No_More_Mr_Nice_Guy.pdf

Add to this "The married man sex life primer 2011" by athol kay, it's not about sex, it's about relationship, understand your wife, and be a better and more confident partner.

"When I say no, I feel guilty" by Manuel J smith, it will help you to be a better communicator, and be able to communicate more efficiently with your wife. 

And except if you wife wears chastity belt and you have the key, or if the 19yo man has erection issue, it's totally possible they have sex.

But maybe her transformations is not the reason of a possible affair, but the result of it.


----------



## azteca1986

DanX said:


> She went into a rage I have not seen in 25 years of my marriage. She accused me of being a pervert in thinking such things. And that I was a controlling and insecure monster. And how could I think that she was a *****?
> 
> *I immediately apologized. But that did not do any good. *Flowers the next day also did not seem to help. It has been six weeks and I am still in the doghouse. What do I do?


You apologised, but didn't really mean it. So it meant nothing. Which is why you're still in the doghouse.



DanX said:


> So when I asked her to dress more conservative so he would not get the wrong idea, it triggered two conflicting emotions:
> 
> 1. Anger – how dare I suggest that she was trying to seduce such a young man. That is gross! How dare I challenge her morality!
> 
> *2. Shame – she knows her dress was inappropriate and was done for vanity reasons.*
> 
> Shame + Anger = eruption.


Nope. If your apology was sincere you wouldn't still be insisting on this. I think you're reading her anger wrong. Anger can mean many different things:

*She's offended:* that you think she would 'display herself' for a boy that's younger than your youngest.

*She's hurt:* Because as you say she has never done anything to make you think she'd cheat on you

*She's exasperated:* because now she's lost weight and is feeling good about herself, you don't don't feel the same way. You're trying to shame her. Shame is what you are bringing are bringing to the table.

So, her angry outburst could be because it was combination of all those feelings (and more). 


DanX said:


> You are right. Men do look at attractive women. And even though my wife lost weight, she still has larger breasts. It just seems like now she seems to display more cleavage than she did previously.
> 
> My thought process is – why is she displaying more cleavage? Doesn't she know men will look? And why would she want that if she is happy with me?


I think you're mis-reading her and her intentions. As I want to help you to get out of the doghouse, I want you to try and show some empathy for your wife without your self-confessed insecurity getting in the way.

_See things from her point of view:
_When people put on weight they dress to hide their body's imperfections. They start wearing baggy clothing. So, when they lose weight, as your wife has, there's suddenly a whole bunch of things they can wear that they couldn't wear before. A dress that made your wife look and feel a bit frumpy before now becomes viable. 

Q: Why has your wife started to dress 'less conservatively'? A: Because she can. It very simple.

My wife works hard to maintain her figure; exercise, watches what she eats, etc. See, we _both_ agreed that we have to take the responsibility to look good for our spouses. When I asked her who she dresses for her answer was "100% for me, 0% for you, 0% for anybody else", though when we got out to dinner on a date the percentages are - 80% her, 20% me, 0% everybody else.

Now, my wife at 44 is surprised at the huge variance in age from the 'men' who notice her or compliment her. Boys of 16-17 to men who are old enough to be her father 60-70. The reason is that *she feels good about herself.* This is reflected in how she dresses. And _everybody_ man, woman or child responds positively to people who feel good about themselves.

Your wife through her hard work has lost weight. She feels great. She looks great. Her friends are complimenting her. Men in the street are giving her a second look. But the one person on the whole planet who she dresses for, who should be delighted for her, who has the most to benefit from the "new her" wants her to go back to how she was before.

Put it this way, you are in a minority of one of people who prefer the old her. The frumpy her. This is not a good place to be.

Which is why she is upset and why you're still in the doghouse. To change this:

Step 1: Fall on your sword. Apologise unequivocally and unreservedly. And for God's sakes man, don't explain yourself to her. She'll lose more respect for you if you try. After 25 years of marriage she probably has a good insight into your thinking processes. You need to explain how you failed to see how good she was feeling about herself. Show empathy. 

Step 2: Get yourself into shape. You've been short all your life. You should have come to terms with this by now. Watch what you eat. Exercise. Ride a bike. Swim. Hit the gym if you have to. Anything.



> And YES I KNOW I NEED TO GET TO THE GYM AND LOSE WEIGHT! But what good will that do me now? It would take me years to get to a proper weight. Meanwhile, my 110 lb wife is flirting and showing her cleavage to a tall, skinny kid. Yes, I know I am crazy and being insecure, but what is to stop her? Fear of divorce? Our kids are grown. So nothing is keeping her here.


She loves you. She's built a life with you. But your insecurity is stressing the relationship. When you start getting yourself into shape, *you'll also feel better about yourself. *You'll feel less like a 'mismatch'. Your insecurities will fade.


----------



## knightRider

DanX,

you need to man up. No more appologies. You should be able to talk to your wife and explain how you feel without her blowing up. That to me is a big red flag. 

Ask her to dress sexy for you and see what she says 

Concentrate on yourself more and read MMSLP. I would also VAR her just in case. There's no harm in finding out what she says when you're not there considering the way she's been over reacting. 

Good luck!


----------



## lifeistooshort

Wow, this thread has really blown up. And somehow it's gone from his being absurdly insecure and jealous for 25 years to her cheating because she lost some weight and wears a top that shows off cleavage. Note to ladies: don't you dare do anything that might get another man to look because that means you're looking for it. Geez.

But according to the looking and leering thread men look and it's no big deal, right?

I'm 41 and I couldn't possibly get anything out of a 19 year old. I was running the other day when a kid, who couldn't have been more than 20 himself, stuck his head out of the car window and yelled "Dammmmmmn". I thought it was stupid, but then again I've never been heavy and don't have that insecurity hanging over my head like your wife does. But this isn't the real issue anyway.

Dan, this is actually a common dynamic. You have two heavy spouses, one of the loses weight, and the other flips out. Very common for one spouse to sabotage the other's weight loss efforts because they don't want to rock the boat or change the dynamic. I'm guessing that you are very heavy, based on your comment about it potentially taking years to lose. And you have a bunch of excuses why you can't do anything about it. Also common for many very heavy people.....it's mentally intimidating to look at having to lose a lot of weight. You're not unique in this regard.

I'd advise you to take a step back and make sure you're not really blowing this whole thing out of proportion. Is it possible that because of this big dynamic change in the marriage you're imagining things to be much worse then they are? Just think about it.

And your wife loves you but I can almost guarantee she's going to be less attracted to you. I don't know why you're so resistant to stepping up and taking care of your own health but you really should rethink it. Your wife worked hard so why can't you? I doubt she expects you to be Adonis, but that doesn't mean you can't make the best of what you have.


----------



## PhillyGuy13

I'm with the ladies here. I think you are making a mountain out of a molehill. (Two mountains). As I said last night I don't think anything is going on beside her weight loss and being proud of it.

All that said, if it gives you peace of mind, do your due diligence to verify as much as possible. But I suspect your wife has zero interest in a 19 yo music/theatre "nerd" who probably hasn't ever seen two breasts outside of a national geographic magazine.

And not to stereotype further, but as someone who has worked in higher education, a high percentage of male theatre students have zero desire for breasts of any kind.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## lifeistooshort

PhillyGuy13 said:


> I'm with the ladies here. I think you are making a mountain out of a molehill. (Two mountains). As I said last night I don't think anything is going on beside her weight loss and being proud of it.
> 
> All that said, if it gives you peace of mind, do your due diligence to verify as much as possible. But I suspect your wife has zero interest in a 19 yo music/theatre "nerd" who probably hasn't ever seen two breasts outside of a national geographic magazine.
> 
> And not to stereotype further, but as someone who has worked in higher education, a high percentage of male theatre students have zero desire for breasts of any kind.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Well maybe to wonder what it would be like to have them.....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## PhillyGuy13

When is the kid's next lesson?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Forest

I'm still not getting the 6 weeks part. 

We've been all over DanX's mistakes, but 6 weeks? Does that seem like an appropriate, fitting way to respond?


----------



## bandit.45

lifeistooshort said:


> You could always stop complaining and take yourself to the gym. The constant insecurity is unattractive. The balding you can't do anything about, but you know what? Most women don't care that much about your hairline. But nothing is stopping you from hitting the gym and becoming more attractive for her. Or is she not worth it?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Patrick Stewart, the actor, has women throwing it at him, and he's in his 70s. He's bald as fvck, but he's confidant and self assured. (And rich...and a Sir....and..)

Confidence trumps physical appearance any day.


----------



## Blonde

DanX said:


> Your word choice made me cringe!
> 
> Anyway, it is impossible for the following reasons:
> 
> 1. My wife would never cheat. She has said so many times. I believe her.
> 2. My wife is quite religious
> *3. Our son is 20. Need I say more?
> 4. The age gap is too great. *All the women on this forum would agree. We men would go much younger. But women are more age appropriate.
> 5. The kid is not some “stud”. He is more of the artistic type.


That alone might make me angry for 6 weeks. To me there is a HUGE icky creepy incestuous character to someone who thinks of people their children's age as potential sex partners. I'm religious too and it would make me feel shocked and disgusted that your mind could go there.

If I was you, I'd stop trying to put this on your wife and start working on your own self improvement program.


----------



## bandit.45

PhillyGuy13 said:


> And not to stereotype further, but as someone who has worked in higher education, *a high percentage of male theatre students have zero desire for breasts of any kind*.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Hmmm...so a lot of stage actors bat for the other team huh?


----------



## Blonde

Does your W use the same computer? The very fact that you have this posted on "Coping with Infidelity". If I was her I would be absolutely furious.

Perhaps you should have the thread moved just in case your W ever sees your history here.


----------



## PhillyGuy13

bandit.45 said:


> Hmmm...so a lot of stage actors bat for the other team huh?


Obviously I wouldn't say ALL of them but a much higher percentage of those in society in general. Theatre programs offer a safe haven of sorts, particularly in college, where gay youth can meet other gay youth, sometimes for the first time depending on the small town they come from, and be more comfortable in being themselves.

To further clarify, theatre attracts not just LGBT youth, but many subsets of youth who may not have fit in anywhere else in their secondary school days. An "Isle of misfit toys" sort of effect.

I could be off the mark in this situation, but again I don't think OP had much to worry about.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Wolf1974

I think it might be a jump to assume she is cheating but the 6 weeks of being upset seems way over the top as well. Either you are downplaying what you really said to her which caused her to be this upset or she maybe enjoyed the attention, even if it was the attention alone, and being called on it has embarrassed her. 

Any chance she would come here and tell her side?


----------



## gouge_away

DanX said:


> Intellectually I know that nothing happened or could happen. 19 year old boys are not interested (no matter how good looking) in 50 year old women. And women that age are not interested in such young boys.
> 
> I really feel stupid. But that is what insecurity can do.


Is this dog house under a rock?

Awhile back I saw a post on theCHIVE, it was parsed internet porn search results by state. Mature/Milf was within the top 3 categorically.

The target internet porn demographic is single males 13-30.

Before I met my wife I subscribed to dating sites, I periodically searched for middle aged women, and flirted with a few attractive ones that took care of themselves. I ended up marrying one of them. I was 30.


----------



## Chaparral

Anon Pink said:


> You are waaaay over thinking something absurdly harmless.
> 
> If I was single and desperate to get laid, I still wouldn't have sex with a 19 year old. I remember being 19 and having sex with a 19 year old fumbling numb nut.
> 
> Your weight isn't as big of an issue as you might think. Your behavior is everything though.
> 
> You're right. Nothing is keeping your wife by your side, except the guy who is convincing her to stay because he once was and still is the best man for her! Are you that guy or not?


You are not addressing the fact he says she only dresses like this for the one student. You also do not address her acting like this for six weeks. 

How could his remark possibly warrant six weeks worth of anger and vitriol.

If I were married to a teacher I would be worried too. 

While none of her actions indicate an affair, taken together, there is no reason for her to be acting like she is either.

OP, how is your sex life with your wife? Has it changed any in the last few years, better, worse, the same?

BTW did I mention she's a teacher?


----------



## Anon Pink

azteca1986 said:


> You apologised, but didn't really mean it. So it meant nothing. Which is why you're still in the doghouse.
> 
> Nope. If your apology was sincere you wouldn't still be insisting on this. I think you're reading her anger wrong. Anger can mean many different things:
> 
> *She's offended:* that you think she would 'display herself' for a boy that's younger than your youngest.
> 
> *She's hurt:* Because as you say she has never done anything to make you think she'd cheat on you
> 
> *She's exasperated:* because now she's lost weight and is feeling good about herself, you don't don't feel the same way. You're trying to shame her. Shame is what you are bringing are bringing to the table.
> 
> So, her angry outburst could be because it was combination of all those feelings (and more).
> I think you're mis-reading her and her intentions. As I want to help you to get out of the doghouse, I want you to try and show some empathy for your wife without your self-confessed insecurity getting in the way.
> 
> _See things from her point of view:
> _*When people put on weight they dress to hide their body's imperfections. They start wearing baggy clothing. So, when they lose weight, as your wife has, there's suddenly a whole bunch of things they can wear that they couldn't wear before. A dress that made your wife look and feel a bit frumpy before now becomes viable.
> 
> Q: Why has your wife started to dress 'less conservatively'? A: Because she can. It very simple.
> *
> My wife works hard to maintain her figure; exercise, watches what she eats, etc. See, we _both_ agreed that we have to take the responsibility to look good for our spouses. When I asked her who she dresses for her answer was "100% for me, 0% for you, 0% for anybody else", though when we got out to dinner on a date the percentages are - 80% her, 20% me, 0% everybody else.
> 
> Now, my wife at 44 is surprised at the huge variance in age from the 'men' who notice her or compliment her. Boys of 16-17 to men who are old enough to be her father 60-70. The reason is that *she feels good about herself.* This is reflected in how she dresses. And _everybody_ man, woman or child responds positively to people who feel good about themselves.
> 
> Your wife through her hard work has lost weight. She feels great. She looks great. Her friends are complimenting her. Men in the street are giving her a second look. But the one person on the whole planet who she dresses for, who should be delighted for her, who has the most to benefit from the "new her" wants her to go back to how she was before.
> 
> Put it this way, you are in a minority of one of people who prefer the old her. The frumpy her. This is not a good place to be.
> 
> Which is why she is upset and why you're still in the doghouse. To change this:
> 
> Step 1: Fall on your sword. Apologise unequivocally and unreservedly. And for God's sakes man, don't explain yourself to her. She'll lose more respect for you if you try. After 25 years of marriage she probably has a good insight into your thinking processes. You need to explain how you failed to see how good she was feeling about herself. Show empathy.
> 
> Step 2: Get yourself into shape. You've been short all your life. You should have come to terms with this by now. Watch what you eat. Exercise. Ride a bike. Swim. Hit the gym if you have to. Anything.
> 
> She loves you. She's built a life with you. But your insecurity is stressing the relationship. When you start getting yourself into shape, *you'll also feel better about yourself. *You'll feel less like a 'mismatch'. Your insecurities will fade.




:iagree: with every damn word.

Wish I could give this more than one "like."


----------



## Tubbalard

1. Check your wife, Bro.
2. Don't let some people trick you out of your marriage, by telling you this is a harmless situation.

Some female posters are offering bad advice. They're coming from an angle that speaks a totally different language. You're not insecure. Who cares if you are short, bald and fat, dont tolerate disrespect from your wife. This 6 week cold treatment has been in effect because YOU allowed it. Next time she has something inappropriate for the youngster, you interrupt in the middle of the session and tell her in your loudest voice to go change. Blow it up. Nuke it out the damn ocean. STOP apologizing. Just stop. You came off a little moist and soft. She has power over you. You call her out on her behavior, she barks back and you run scared with your tail between your legs. Bark back and bite. You have to let her know this wont be tolerated. If she insists on wearing the latest Dolly Pardon fashion. Throw the damn piano out of the house. Sell it on craigslist for cheap. I PROMISE you she will get the message when you learn to stand up for yourself. She might fight against it at first but she will come back like a boomerang. They always do. The problem is at the first sign of resistance you flee. You have to fight back mentally.

For the record. DONT THINK A 19 YR OLD WONT TAKE WHATS BEING OFFERED. Youre clueless if you don't think a young lad wont take free snacks. Its 19 year old guys all across america that are giving 50 yr old cougars the business. Fulfilling these carnivores with back breaking ninja thrusts. Please dont be so naive. Your wife is trying to get the youngster to succumb to her thirst traps, by wearing suggestive clothing. Nip it in the bud. You know why she was mad? Because you found her out. Yep you outed her secret intentions. Once you called her out on it, it burned her up. She's traumatized by the fact that you figured her out than her horrifying actions.

I once told a girl I was dating to get her azz back in the house and put on something more appropriate. She tried to give resistance, but she came around. Not that I was being mean, but the setting didnt call for that style of dress. She later apologized and knew I was right. The stern talk made her like me even more because she knew what type of man I was. Follow this script and you will receive success.


Look into everything. Please dont rug sweep. I hope everything works out for you. Follow your gut.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Chaparral

PhillyGuy13 said:


> I'm with the ladies here. I think you are making a mountain out of a molehill. (Two mountains). As I said last night I don't think anything is going on beside her weight loss and being proud of it.
> 
> All that said, if it gives you peace of mind, do your due diligence to verify as much as possible. But I suspect your wife has zero interest in a 19 yo music/theatre "nerd" who probably hasn't ever seen two breasts outside of a national geographic magazine.
> 
> And not to stereotype further, but as someone who has worked in higher education, a high percentage of male theatre students have zero desire for breasts of any kind.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


And I think she is making a mountain out of a molehill. I would have expected a wife to laugh it off and tease her husband about being jealous of teenager. I would have expected her reaction to be friendly not go all nuclear and still be pissed six weeks after the fact. No, not at all. This just doesn't add up.

Now it could have been OP is down playing how he approached his wife. But he immediately apologized and that sounds wimpy too. Maybe she's mad because he failed yet another sh!t test.


----------



## Anon Pink

Chaparral said:


> And I think she is making a mountain out of a molehill. I would have expected a wife to laugh it off and tease her husband about being jealous of teenager. I would have expected her reaction to be friendly not go all nuclear and still be pissed six weeks after the fact. No, not at all. This just doesn't add up.
> 
> Now it could have been OP is down playing how he approached his wife. But he immediately apologized and that sounds wimpy too. Maybe she's mad because he failed yet another sh!t test.


I think most women would have laughed it off. Unless her husband has a long history of laying his anxiety at her feet to fix. "Don't wear that because it makes me feel insecure. Don't go there because it makes me feel insecure. Don't talk to that man because it makes me feel insecure." 

A wife with a decently confident husband would laugh it off. 

A wife who is insecure about herself might get anxious herself which would be either anger back or head down shame.

A wife who recently lost enough weight to wear stuff she hadn't been able to wear in a long while, with a husband who has always been insecure and anxiously lays his issues at her feet, would become enraged. 
She's probably had it up to here with his anxiety. 
She's probably disgusted that he even had the idea that she was purposely dressing so the kid could look at her cleavage.
A wife this angry after 6 weeks is the wife who is sick and tired of her husband's issues becoming her problem. He can apologize all he wants, but until he gets a handle on his issues, the apology means nothing. I bet she has already been through this issue with him many times already.

I have a friend who's husband does that. "Do you have to wear those jeans, every guy is gonna be looking at your ass." And that's my problem how? Was there a compliment in there? She doesn't laugh it off, she gets angry and tunes him out.


----------



## Primrose

DanX said:


> If you were not involved with someone could you possibly be attracted to a 19 year old? Or is that pretty much impossible except for a few isolated cases?


I'm just 30, and I can tell you, in full confidence, that I'd want nothing to do with a 19 year old boy. 



Tubbalard said:


> Next time she has something inappropriate for the youngster, you interrupt in the middle of the session and tell her in your loudest voice to go change. Blow it up. Nuke it out the damn ocean.


:rofl: I would laugh in the face of any man who believed he had that much control over my wardrobe and my autonomy.


----------



## azteca1986

Tubbalard said:


> Some female posters are offering bad advice. They're coming from an angle that speaks a totally different language. You're not insecure.


How many times does OP have to admit it in his first and subsequent posts, before you accept that he is, in fact, insecure?



> Who cares if you are short, bald and fat, dont tolerate disrespect from your wife. This 6 week cold treatment has been in effect because YOU allowed it. Next time she has something inappropriate for the youngster, you interrupt in the middle of the session and tell her in your loudest voice to go change. Blow it up. Nuke it out the damn ocean. STOP apologizing. Just stop. You came off a little moist and soft. She has power over you. You call her out on her behavior, she barks back and you run scared with your tail between your legs. Bark back and bite. You have to let her know this wont be tolerated. If she insists on wearing the latest Dolly Pardon fashion. Throw the damn piano out of the house. Sell it on craigslist for cheap. I PROMISE you she will get the message when you learn to stand up for yourself. She might fight against it at first but she will come back like a boomerang. They always do. The problem is at the first sign of resistance you flee. You have to fight back mentally.


I hope to God you're not being serious here.



> Fulfilling these carnivores with back breaking ninja thrusts.


:rofl:


----------



## Chaparral

*Turning 50 was hard on my wife and she sort of went through a mid-life crises. She responded by changing her look. She dyed her hair blonde, purchased a new wardrobe and lost weight. All these were healthy choices and I was supportive. But secretly I was insecure. Would she still want her short, overweight, balding husband after she transformed her looks?
*

This doesn't say he was behaving badly for years. It says her changes made him SECRETLY insecure.

Her reaction makes her look guilty...............of something.


----------



## azteca1986

DanX said:


> The problem is my insecurity. I have always been somewhat insecure, but it grew worse when my wife turned 50 last year.
> 
> But then I did something stupid. I let irrational jealousy play with my mind. And it was all in my mind, nothing happened. I am actually embarrassed to even relate my feelings. But here it goes.


Come on Chap.


----------



## Anon Pink

Chaparral said:


> *Turning 50 was hard on my wife and she sort of went through a mid-life crises. She responded by changing her look. She dyed her hair blonde, purchased a new wardrobe and lost weight. All these were healthy choices and I was supportive. But secretly I was insecure. Would she still want her short, overweight, balding husband after she transformed her looks?
> *
> 
> This doesn't say he was behaving badly for years. It says her changes made him SECRETLY insecure.
> 
> Her reaction makes her look guilty...............of something.



Chap, I know you are not usually the over reactive type but as a woman of 52 I can tell you that usually between 47 and 50 women change their look entirely. I had short hair my whole life. Had a stacked angled Bob like Victoria Beckham for 10 years, and after cancer at 48 I let it grow out and have kept it long ever since. I've always worn short skirts and cleavage showing tops but now that I actually have cleavage...it looks awesome! In other words, I was dressing like a woman much younger. 

With all the issues my H and I have been through, if he had acted AT ALL like OP... He wouldn't have because it would have meant that he actually noticed me. 

Of course he doesn't say he was acting this way for years.


----------



## lifeistooshort

Anon Pink said:


> I think most women would have laughed it off. Unless her husband has a long history of laying his anxiety at her feet to fix. "Don't wear that because it makes me feel insecure. Don't go there because it makes me feel insecure. Don't talk to that man because it makes me feel insecure."
> 
> A wife with a decently confident husband would laugh it off.
> 
> A wife who is insecure about herself might get anxious herself which would be either anger back or head down shame.
> 
> A wife who recently lost enough weight to wear stuff she hadn't been able to wear in a long while, with a husband who has always been insecure and anxiously lays his issues at her feet, would become enraged.
> She's probably had it up to here with his anxiety.
> She's probably disgusted that he even had the idea that she was purposely dressing so the kid could look at her cleavage.
> A wife this angry after 6 weeks is the wife who is sick and tired of her husband's issues becoming her problem. He can apologize all he wants, but until he gets a handle on his issues, the apology means nothing. I bet she has already been through this issue with him many times already.
> 
> I have a friend who's husband does that. "Do you have to wear those jeans, every guy is gonna be looking at your ass." And that's my problem how? Was there a compliment in there? She doesn't laugh it off, she gets angry and tunes him out.



Particularly one that was less than supportive of her weight loss efforts, which I can easily imagine being the case with a heavy, insecure husband. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## DanX

EleGirl said:


> Can you give us an example of how much cleavage she was showing? Maybe you can look on google images for a picture of some woman similarly dressed and put a link to it here.


Sort of like this:

Sexy Low Cut Scoop Neck Cleavage Baby Slimming Basic Tee Shirt Black s M L XL | eBay


----------



## DanX

Blonde said:


> Does your W use the same computer? The very fact that you have this posted on "Coping with Infidelity". If I was her I would be absolutely furious.
> 
> Perhaps you should have the thread moved just in case your W ever sees your history here.


We have separate computers. But I believe in openness. I have always shared my feelings with me wife. So I have no reason to hide anything.


----------



## Chaparral

You didn't answer about any changes in your sex life.


----------



## Tubbalard

azteca1986 said:


> How many times does OP have to admit it in his first and subsequent posts, before you accept that he is, in fact, insecure?
> 
> I hope to God you're not being serious here.
> 
> :rofl:


I don't think he was insecure. I think he believes he is insecure because he is trying to appeal to a female's sensibility. He's been conditioned to think that way, because he has a fear of losing his wife. He has misplaced insecurities. He has been conditioned to believe that calling out a wife is rooted in insecurity. He's soliciting advice through estrogen means. He believes that if he apologies, this will get her back. Which will result in negative results. In turn, he's calling out all his actions as insecure to get his wife to not be so cold hearted.

I dont even know what the word insecure is or means. People use this word too freely. Its a defense mechanism. Its used so much, I dont even know what it means anymore. The word insecure is just a draw 4 uno card. I give it no credence.

Yes. I was serious. Lol. He has to take drastic action. He's been so afraid to to not tip the scale that when he finally does it, he realizes that his wife has all the power. Now he's just a minion. She can have whatever reaction and dress however she likes and he will come running, with hallmark cards, Godiva chocolates, heart candies and flowers.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tom67

Chaparral said:


> You didn't answer about any changes in your sex life.


Dan has there been no sex since this incident?


----------



## Anon Pink

tom67 said:


> Dan has there been no sex since this incident?


I would hope so.


----------



## tech-novelist

DanX said:


> Yeah, my lack of trust was a killer.
> 
> *Intellectually I know that nothing happened or could happen. 19 year old boys are not interested (no matter how good looking) in 50 year old women. And women that age are not interested in such young boys.*
> 
> I really feel stupid. But that is what insecurity can do.
> 
> I am not sure how I should better apologize.


I completely disagree with *this*. When I was 19, I would have been delighted to have the opportunity to have sex with a good looking woman of *any* age. I hope I would have refrained from taking advantage of such a situation with a married woman, but I'm pretty sure a lot of teenage boys wouldn't worry about that too much.


----------



## Tubbalard

DanX said:


> Sort of like this:
> 
> Sexy Low Cut Scoop Neck Cleavage Baby Slimming Basic Tee Shirt Black s M L XL | eBay


No way in HELL, your wife should be wearing that around the little lad. Why didn't you stop her in the middle of the session and tell her take it off and put on something more appropriate? These are baby steps. Your wife is grooming her thirst traps. First its a 19 yr old theatre guy. Next, up its the juicer or the senthol user. Don't think for a second a 50 yr old doesnt want a young cub. Just google. This is happening all the time. The 19 yr old being 19 and zesty just makes your wife more aggressive with the skimpy threads. If women can sense a guy is a little shy but vulnerable, the wolverine claws come out. They feast on it and do everything in their power to get a guy to become their prey. 

Sage advice: "Stay woke, and keep your third eye open"
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Blonde

DanX said:


> We have separate computers. But I believe in openness. I have always shared my feelings with me wife. So I have no reason to hide anything.


Well there you go, if she reads this thread on COPING WITH INFIDELITY with all the suspicion and suggestions of detective work and assumption that she is DOING someone YOUNGER THAN HER CHILD...

that is why she is still angry

DanX, you need to understand something about TAM-CWI culture. Many of the people who post on here are stuck in very hostile, angry, bitter places and see cheating in every story. You really should have posted in General Relationship (you can ask a mod to move it there or have it moved to Private)

If you apply the advice you have gotten here from some of these posters  your marriage is over and it will be by your own hand.


----------



## DanX

Chaparral said:


> You didn't answer about any changes in your sex life.


Well, I am not comfortable talking about sexual details.

We do have three children. So, obviously, we had sex! But over the years is has tapered off as we got older. I think that is normal.

We she turned 50 last year part of her transformation was that she was more aggressive sexually. I am not sure “aggressive” is the right word. Maybe receptive? But for most of our marriage she was always more passive and shy. Since last year, she became much more sexual and bold.


----------



## Blonde

BTW are you cheating or contemplating cheating with any teenagers? IME with MY H, when he accused me of cheating it was sheer projection.

If your W is lurking on here she should be aware of that.


----------



## tech-novelist

DanX said:


> Your word choice made me cringe!
> 
> Anyway, it is impossible for the following reasons:
> 
> 1. My wife would never cheat. She has said so many times. I believe her.
> 2. My wife is quite religious
> 3. Our son is 20. Need I say more?
> 4. The age gap is too great. All the women on this forum would agree. We men would go much younger. But women are more age appropriate.
> 5. The kid is not some “stud”. He is more of the artistic type.


Then you have nothing to worry about, because we know people never lie. Especially cheaters!
Seriously, you are in major denial of the danger your marriage is in. You had better find out what is going on, whether it's the kid or someone else.


----------



## ReidWright

Little bit of a double standard going on here…

Imagine if some good looking older man was getting all spiffied up for some 19 year old girl he was tutoring, and ‘lit up’ when he saw her. He put on his best cologne, tightest shirt that showed off his muscles, etc. only for her.

Would his wife be justified for calling him out on it?


----------



## tech-novelist

ReidWright said:


> Little bit of a double standard going on here…
> 
> Imagine if some good looking older man was getting all spiffied up for some 19 year old girl he was tutoring, and ‘lit up’ when he saw her. He put on his best cologne, tightest shirt that showed off his muscles, etc. only for her.
> 
> Would his wife be justified for calling him out on it?


Yes, but of course that's different! :scratchhead:
(Note for the sarcasm impaired: :rofl


----------



## convert

DanX said:


> Sort of like this:
> 
> Sexy Low Cut Scoop Neck Cleavage Baby Slimming Basic Tee Shirt Black s M L XL | eBay


I don't know, maybe it is a little revealing, it is the fact she only wears it for the 19 male student


----------



## norajane

I have drawers full of those t-shirts, lol. If a larger-breasted woman wears a high neck t-shirt, she ends up looking like she has matronly monoboob. If the t-shirt isn't fitted, she ends up looking like the Hulk in drag because her t-shirts are loose and boxy at her waist in order to accommodate her larger breasts. I'm glad his wife feels she no longer has to hide her figure. Dan should be thrilled and should be enjoying his wife's figure and that she is learning how to dress to accentuate her features.


DanX said:


> We she turned 50 last year part of her transformation was that she was more aggressive sexually. I am not sure “aggressive” is the right word. Maybe receptive? But for most of our marriage she was always more passive and shy. Since last year, she became much more sexual and bold.


*Dan should also be thrilled that his wife has become more bold sexually over the last year* - isn't that what most husbands would want? Sexy wife who is being sexy FOR her H? 

Dan said his wife upgraded her entire wardrobe, so I doubt piano lessons with this boy are the only place she is wearing her new clothes. I'll bet she's wearing her new clothes everywhere.


----------



## azteca1986

Tubbalard said:


> I dont even know what the word insecure is or means. People use this word too freely. Its a defense mechanism. Its used so much, I dont even know what it means anymore.


If you don't know what it means, how do you consider yourself to be in a position to tell OP whether he is insecure or not. I suggest you look in a dictionary. It means what it always has done.



> Yes. I was serious. Lol.


You think telling a 50 year old mother of three what she can wear is a good plan? And you think selling the piano is a "show of strength"? He'd be adding fuel to the fire. I take it thinking strategically isn't important in your line of business.


----------



## Lila

Dan:

I've read your thread and I agree with those posters that are saying you need to follow your wife's lead and get with the self-improvement program. In the interim I'm going to share with you something that my husband did for me that might help you get out of the doghouse with your wife. 

A couple of years ago I got in the best shape of my life following some cosmetic surgery. I received compliments from friends and family on my improved physique but they dimmed in comparison to my H's compliments. One of the ways he showed me his appreciation was to go out and buy me a smokin' hot dress and shoes that he requested I wear out on a special date night with him. I can't explain how important it was for him to show me his support in this way. With this relatively small gesture, he showed me how proud he was to be seen with me, and that alone made me feel like a million bucks.

Take it from a woman who's been in your wife's shoes, make it obvious through your actions to show her how proud you are to have a sexy and attractive woman by your side.


----------



## Sammiee

PhillyGuy13 said:


> You mentioned a change in wardrobe for your wife. Has she always dressed with some cleavage exposed? 19 year old boys love cleavage.


So do 79 year old men.


----------



## Anon Pink

This thread is epic in its misconceptions. Really just laughing all over the place at the level of posturing and assumptions made by a few.


----------



## Blonde

azteca1986 said:


> You think telling a 50 year old mother of three what she can wear is a good plan? And you think selling the piano is a "show of strength"? He'd be adding fuel to the fire. I take it thinking strategically isn't important in your line of business.


I presume the W uses the internet?

Following advice like he got will get him a D on abuse grounds.

From Am I being abused? | womenshealth.gov

Decides things for you that you should be allowed to decide (like what to wear or eat)
Humiliates you in front of others
Destroys [sells]your property or things that you care about


----------



## phillybeffandswiss

Dude go get counseling, ask your wife what is going on and stop posting. Seriously, this is a fairly terrible thread on all sides. There is some good advice, but it is layered in gender bias and paranoia. 


Take a break and then let everyone know what you have done.


----------



## EleGirl

Forest said:


> I'm still not getting the 6 weeks part.
> 
> We've been all over DanX's mistakes, but 6 weeks? Does that seem like an appropriate, fitting way to respond?


I get the 6 weeks part. He seriously attacked his wife's life changes to look good and feel good about herself. Turning 50 was obviously a wake-up call for her. So she did not work to not turn into a frumpy old lady. She's feeling good in a lot of ways.

And he turns it into an attack on her, accusing her of putting herself out there for what is basically a kid. That's extremely insulting.

If he's done that, you can bet his insecurity about her weight loss and makeover has him showing his insecurity in many ways. This is extremely typical when on partner make a huge life change as she has. Often the other partner does it relentlessly (in 'little ways') until the one who make the changes gives up and goes back to frump. 

It's a lot easier to do this then it is for him to go out there and work on himself. 

This dynamic is so typical that when a person is losing weight and doing a make over as she did, and they are involved in counseling or a weight loss group it's a topic of discussion. It's discussed a lot because it's so devastating to have one's partner work to try to bring them down.

I have no doubt that this is not the only thing that the OP has done.

If she does not want to allow his attitude to drag her down, the prolonged anger is a way for her to protect herself from his attempts to get her go back to the way she was.


----------



## yeah_right

I've had big boobs all my life, so I'm hyper aware of how I dress in certain situations. While at work, around my kids' friends, etc. I keep the cleavage hidden. I did it in my 30's and now that I'm well into my 40's. But when I'm out with the H, they get lots more air. And I'm pretty sure he gets a kick out of men looking at me. Some primal man-thing about winning a prize, blah, blah, blah.

If I'm going to be in close proximity to a teenage boy, sitting next to him, guiding his hands to teach...I'm not wearing the shirt that was posted. My goal is to teach him piano, not mess with his already raging hormones.

As we women get older, we do go through some profound changes physically, emotionally and hormonally. I truly do understand her need to enjoy her new self. She should not be beaten down for it. She should be applauded and encouraged to dress in a way that makes her confident and happy. But a mature woman should have some common sense too. 

This should have been a five minute polite conversation on "Hey honey, that top may be too revealing for Timmy. I was 19 too once and you are simply irresistable to look at". And then take her out to a nice dinner. She should have then said "Maybe you're right". End of discussion. Not a 6 week battle about cheating and insecurity. Effective communication is so important!


----------



## DanX

Wolf1974 said:


> I think it might be a jump to assume she is cheating but the 6 weeks of being upset seems way over the top as well. Either you are downplaying what you really said to her which caused her to be this upset or she maybe enjoyed the attention, even if it was the attention alone, and being called on it has embarrassed her.
> 
> Any chance she would come here and tell her side?


I have nothing to hide. I plan to send her a link to this thread.


----------



## EleGirl

Tubbalard said:


> *Throw the damn piano out of the house. Sell it on craigslist for cheap.* I PROMISE you she will get the message when you learn to stand up for yourself. She might fight against it at first but she will come back like a boomerang. They always do. The problem is at the first sign of resistance you flee. You have to fight back mentally.


If he wants a divorce, that's what he does. She is a piano teacher. That is what she does. Getting rid of HER piano would be such an aggressive act that I she would most likely divorce him and demand in the divorce that he replace her piano.

Some of the advice people give... :scratchhead:


----------



## Blonde

DanX said:


> I have nothing to hide. I plan to send her a link to this thread.


And... brace yourself!


----------



## Chas

>I have nothing to hide. I plan to send her a link to this thread.

It would be interesting to hear her side of the story. Some of you may have egg on your faces afterwards, thou.


----------



## Tubbalard

ReidWright said:


> Little bit of a double standard going on here…
> 
> Imagine if some good looking older man was getting all spiffied up for some 19 year old girl he was tutoring, and ‘lit up’ when he saw her. He put on his best cologne, tightest shirt that showed off his muscles, etc. only for her.
> 
> Would his wife be justified for calling him out on it?


Yes. His wife would be justified. Disrespect can't be tolerated. That goes for men and women. If a guy were to showcase his best polyester for a young girl, or wear under armour tights that show his bulge with the matching skin tight shirt, then yes he needs to be called out.

Some of this advice is going to cause a lot of problems in this guys marriage. He keeps taking advice from people that have no clue what they are talking about. He's in this predicament because of past actions of not being to man up. There's a lot of naivete about young men and older women that I don't think he recognizes.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Anon Pink

DanX said:


> I have nothing to hide. I plan to send her a link to this thread.


Oh goodie! That should be fun.

Dear mrs danx,

I feel for you dear. We can talk more on the "considering divorce/separation" subsection.


----------



## pauslon

DanX said:


> I have nothing to hide. I plan to send her a link to this thread.


Don't do that!

Trust your gut. 

I never never never never never thought I would be here. My wife, attractive, cringed at the thought of an affair. Talked trash about other woman that dressed provocative. I thought she held herself to a higher moral standard than the situation she put herself in. She had an affair almost 2 years ago. I became suspicious when she typed to a female coworker - "Our marriage is broken, please pray for us."

I started snooping..she made it difficult, changing passwords on computer/phone, claiming our 6 year old daughter was messing up her defaults, accidentally calling people, etc... I was able to access her phone.. I found that she had lunch with a male coworker that I have never met. I asked her what she did for lunch nonchalantly, she lied and said had lunch with two other of her coworkers that I knew... I let her lie to my face!! I did not call her out on that... instead I dug further.... Several days later, I finally confronted (halfway) calling her out on the lie. She made excuses that I was always jealous, so she lied about having lunch with him! That's BS. 

I didn't let that go. I was onto them. I claimed I had a PI on them and I am waiting on the pictures, as my PI claimed he had on them... she started crying. My heart sank. I was exhausted and relieved I was about to hear some truth. She started by saying she had kissed him during their lunch, I called BS. She says that is all. Then more came out, they kissed while on a biz trip 2 weeks prior, I said come on, what are you 12? Just kissing? She then said that touched each other down there, ... I still pushed for more, ok ok ok he went down on me, BUT NO SEX!!! I said BS!!! I threaten to survey all my friends on facebook what I should believe unless she gave me the FULL TRUTH RIGHT NOW!, she then confessed to sex... but only a short time, she asked him to pull out after couple seconds! BULL F.... SH!T I say! Three months later from that DDay I got more confessions. 

That my friend is how the typical exposed affair happens... DENY DENY DENY DENY DENY until you get caught red handed, then more LIES LIES LIES LIES... followed by half-azz confession trickle truth BS.

Welcome to misery. (BTW we are still together.)


----------



## Tubbalard

EleGirl said:


> If he wants a divorce, that's what he does. She is a piano teacher. That is what she does. Getting rid of HER piano would be such an aggressive act that I she would most likely divorce him and demand in the divorce that he replace her piano.
> 
> Some of the advice people give... :scratchhead:


You cut the sentence above off, so youre quoting me out of context. I said if she insists on wearing these breast revealing eye trap shirts, that should be his next step. It's an aggressive act to go for 6 weeks being cold. It's an aggressive act not follow your husband or wife' wishes. This goes for both sides. 6 weeks of childish behavior is certainly grounds for divorce. What makes selling a piano so different?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## phillybeffandswiss

I'm curious, is anyone reading this thread? Why all the venom and disgusting jabs about divorce when the guy repeatedly says it is his fault, his wife is beautiful and he is the one with all of the insecurity. If his wife reads the thread, she'll see he has shot down every negative thing suggested about her or their marriage. She'll probably laugh at all of the weird leaps and out right logical fallacies being used when the soapboxes were dragged out.


----------



## Anon Pink

pauslon said:


> Don't do that!
> 
> Trust your gut.
> 
> I never never never never never thought I would be here. My wife, attractive, cringed at the thought of an affair. Talked trash about other woman that dressed provocative. I thought she held herself to a higher moral standard than the situation she put herself in. She had an affair almost 2 years ago. I became suspicious when she typed to a female coworker - "Our marriage is broken, please pray for us."
> 
> I started snooping..she made it difficult, changing passwords on computer/phone, claiming our 6 year old daughter was messing up her defaults, accidentally calling people, etc... I was able to access her phone.. I found that she had lunch with a male coworker that I have never met. I asked her what she did for lunch nonchalantly, she lied and said had lunch with two other of her coworkers that I knew... I let her lie to my face!! I did not call her out on that... instead I dug further.... Several days later, I finally confronted (halfway) calling her out on the lie. She made excuses that I was always jealous, so she lied about having lunch with him! That's BS.
> 
> I didn't let that go. I was onto them. I claimed I had a PI on them and I am waiting on the pictures, as my PI claimed he had on them... she started crying. My heart sank. I was exhausted and relieved I was about to hear some truth. She started by saying she had kissed him during their lunch, I called BS. She says that is all. Then more came out, they kissed while on a biz trip 2 weeks prior, I said come on, what are you 12? Just kissing? She then said that touched each other down there, ... I still pushed for more, ok ok ok he went down on me, BUT NO SEX!!! I said BS!!! I threaten to survey all my friends on facebook what I should believe unless she gave me the FULL TRUTH RIGHT NOW!, she then confessed to sex... but only a short time, she asked him to pull out after couple seconds! BULL F.... SH!T I say! Three months later from that DDay I got more confessions.
> 
> That my friend is how the typical exposed affair happens... DENY DENY DENY DENY DENY until you get caught red handed, then more LIES LIES LIES LIES... followed by half-azz confession trickle truth BS.
> 
> Welcome to misery. (BTW we are still together.)


Okay so other than the fact that both you and op are married to women, and both of your wives seemed to be "not the type" your story is making what point exactly?

Are you suggesting his wife is having an affair with the pup?

Dan, this is why you shouldnt have posted in CWI. Its like telling your marriage woes while at a bar surrounded by other drunken men with lousy marriages.


----------



## LonelyinLove

Divinely Favored said:


> is there is no excuse for her to flaunt her cleavage for a 19 year old boy at a piano lesson tell her she is casting stumbling blocks before this young man. it is her responsibility to see she dresses appropriately, if she chooses not to she is the one who will have to srand and give an account for that.


Flaunting?

I am 55 and have lovely firm DD's. I'll flaunt them if I want to. She was wearing a blouse with cleavage showing, not strolling on a nude beach with the girls swinging in the wind.

If my H ever attempted to control my clothing choices, I would kick his butt. If he suggested I dressed to impress a 19 yr old, he'd find sleeping with the dog an upgrade.

Maybe the OP should invest in a burka....

And Dan....stop listening to the TAM constant drumbeat that she's having an affair....if some poor soul mentions their SO wore white shoes in January there will be a pile-on of "the SO is in an affair, buy a VAR!".

My H did something in December that I am still pissed about, and probably will be for quite some time. 

Stop your needy behavior, start walking and make her possessive and jealous. That would be the best revenge.


----------



## MarriedDude

DanX said:


> Thanks for your posts Pink. You are about the same as my wife so that provides me with some valuable insight.
> 
> I thought of what you said, and I spent some time clarifying my thoughts.
> 
> Yes, I am proud that my wife is attractive. And the fact that the kid looked at my wife is not really what bothered me. What bothered me is my impression that my wife dressed and acted in a manner so that this kid would look at her.
> 
> As you said in your prior post, you are flattered when young men look at you. But that does not mean you want to have sex with them. They are too young and inspire the “ewww” factor in women. I think men are more suspicious because even though we get older we still find young women to be attractive. I think this works different for women.
> 
> So I think my wife consciously dressed in a manner to get noticed by this boy. I think her motivation was to get validation that, yes, even at 50 she can sexually attract men of all ages. But I don’t think her motivation was sexual. I don’t think a normal woman can get sexually attracted to a man younger than her son.
> 
> So when I asked her to dress more conservative so he would not get the wrong idea, it triggered two conflicting emotions:
> 
> 1. Anger – how dare I suggest that she was trying to seduce such a young man. That is gross! How dare I challenge her morality!
> 
> 2. Shame – she knows her dress was inappropriate and was done for vanity reasons.
> 
> Shame + Anger = eruption.
> 
> The problem I am having is on a primal level. While I intellectually understand she would not cheat and her motivation is validation – my primitive side does not like the idea that my wife is symbolically presenting herself to another man. And, yes, showing cleavage in such a manner is a sexual display.
> 
> I think that such behavior is disrespectful to both the 19 year old kid and me. At that age boys are highly sexual. Who am I kidding? If given the opportunity I am sure he would have sex with my wife. And I am sure he thinks about her sexually when he is alone. And this is not fair to him. Will only lead to frustration.
> 
> And I can pretend to be confident and act like I trust my wife and I am happy that she gets attention. And I tell myself I am 100% sure she would never cheat. But what if I am wrong? And then my imagination runs wild.
> 
> And YES I KNOW I NEED TO GET TO THE GYM AND LOSE WEIGHT! *But what good will that do me now? It would take me years to get to a proper weight. *Meanwhile, my 110 lb wife is flirting and showing her cleavage to a tall, skinny kid. Yes, I know I am crazy and being insecure, but what is to stop her? Fear of divorce? Our kids are grown. So nothing is keeping her here.
> 
> Anyway, I need, and appreciate your honest opinion as someone about my wife’s age. If you were not involved with someone could you possibly be attracted to a 19 year old? Or is that pretty much impossible except for a few isolated cases?


Stop making excuses and making your insecurity all about your wife. Just own it -it's yours, ya know. 

How did your wife improve her looks at 50?....she worked at it. She showed you the way -but instead of getting on that program - and improving yourself right along with her...your doing......this...

For some perspective I'm 43 years old...

in spring 2013 -I got a scale for my birthday (from my dad)...I got on it and talk about shame...damn, what had happened? When I met my wife I was in awesome shape and weight 180#. I was 300# in 2013. I decided right then to do something about it. 

in spring of 2014...I weighed in at 185#. I went from size 44 pants to size 34. I was (and still am) running 5 days a week -alternating between 3 and 6 miles a day. Just ran a 10K last saturday. 

I was lifting heavy- 3 days a week. Squatting 450#, Deadlift 550#, Bench 250#.....

By Spring of 2014 -my wife started going to the gym with me...(She now squats 280#). She now weighs less than when we met. went from a size 16 to size 7. 

The positive momentum was contagious. We improved ourselves together. Your wife has positive momentum...get on board with that. It builds on itself...it really does. 

It's not impossible. It will only take as long as you allow it to. So your 50 and in $hit shape. What will it be like at 60? What will your wife be like at 60? You need to get started. You need to catch up and keep up. Once there -you need to lead. 

Get yourself fixed and you won't care about a 19 year old looking at your wife....and your wife will care even less about the kiddos too.


----------



## phillybeffandswiss

Look dude, no matter where you posted, this thread would be ugly. Here she is a cheater or close to it, in another forum you'd be a controlling abuser.

Here's my take.
What you saw was a horny kid looking at boobs. She's a teacher, she may light up because he's really good. As a retired Martial Arts instructor , you try to be 100% fair, but it NEVER happens. There are people who you enjoy more than others. Yes, it could be that simple. 

Honestly, if this has been her career, you dumped a bunch of doubt into your marriage. She is now wondering if you have felt this way the entire time she was teaching. So, you have attacked her ethically and morally at the same time. This is a double blow to her self esteem.

Sorry, the anger is understandable, but the six weeks is not.

Get in shape. No excuses unless your sickness/injury has you bed ridden. Cutting calories, cutting down on your portions, drinking less sugary drinks and eating healthier will slim you down with little exercise. I lost 36 pounds drinking water and watching what I ate.


----------



## PhillyGuy13

Chaparral said:


> And I think she is making a mountain out of a molehill. I would have expected a wife to laugh it off and tease her husband about being jealous of teenager. I would have expected her reaction to be friendly not go all nuclear and still be pissed six weeks after the fact. No, not at all. This just doesn't add up.
> 
> Now it could have been OP is down playing how he approached his wife. But he immediately apologized and that sounds wimpy too. Maybe she's mad because he failed yet another sh!t test.


I've stated in a prior post that 6 weeks was a bit too long to hold onto her anger.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## LonelyinLove

Tubbalard said:


> 1. Check your wife, Bro.
> 2. Don't let some people trick you out of your marriage, by telling you this is a harmless situation.
> 
> Some female posters are offering bad advice. They're coming from an angle that speaks a totally different language. You're not insecure. Who cares if you are short, bald and fat, dont tolerate disrespect from your wife. This 6 week cold treatment has been in effect because YOU allowed it. Next time she has something inappropriate for the youngster, you interrupt in the middle of the session and tell her in your loudest voice to go change. Blow it up. Nuke it out the damn ocean. STOP apologizing. Just stop. You came off a little moist and soft. She has power over you. You call her out on her behavior, she barks back and you run scared with your tail between your legs. Bark back and bite. You have to let her know this wont be tolerated. If she insists on wearing the latest Dolly Pardon fashion. Throw the damn piano out of the house. Sell it on craigslist for cheap. I PROMISE you she will get the message when you learn to stand up for yourself. She might fight against it at first but she will come back like a boomerang. They always do. The problem is at the first sign of resistance you flee. You have to fight back mentally.
> 
> For the record. DONT THINK A 19 YR OLD WONT TAKE WHATS BEING OFFERED. Youre clueless if you don't think a young lad wont take free snacks. Its 19 year old guys all across america that are giving 50 yr old cougars the business. Fulfilling these carnivores with back breaking ninja thrusts. Please dont be so naive. Your wife is trying to get the youngster to succumb to her thirst traps, by wearing suggestive clothing. Nip it in the bud. You know why she was mad? Because you found her out. Yep you outed her secret intentions. Once you called her out on it, it burned her up. She's traumatized by the fact that you figured her out than her horrifying actions.
> 
> I once told a girl I was dating to get her azz back in the house and put on something more appropriate. She tried to give resistance, but she came around. Not that I was being mean, but the setting didnt call for that style of dress. She later apologized and knew I was right. The stern talk made her like me even more because she knew what type of man I was. Follow this script and you will receive success.
> 
> 
> Look into everything. Please dont rug sweep. I hope everything works out for you. Follow your gut.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Dan, follow this script and you will receive a summons to divorce court. :rofl:


----------



## Yeswecan




----------



## convert

DanX said:


> I have nothing to hide. I plan to send her a link to this thread.


holly cow, I don't think i would do that, unless you really like being in the dog house.
It will be a lot longer then 6 weeks too.


----------



## LonelyinLove

PhillyGuy13 said:


> I've stated in a prior post that 6 weeks was a bit too long to hold onto her anger.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


My H is still in the dog house for something he did in December.

Oh, and for something he did in 1994 and again in 1995.

There is no statute of limitations on stupid, even in marriage.


----------



## phillybeffandswiss

LonelyinLove said:


> My H is still in the dog house for something he did in December.
> 
> Oh, and for something he did in 1994 and again in 1995.
> 
> There is no statue of limitations on stupid, even in marriage.


LOL. This is funny on multiple levels with a liberal sprinkling of irony.


----------



## LonelyinLove

phillybeffandswiss said:


> LOL. This is funny on multiple levels with a liberal sprinkling of irony.


Spellcheck is my friend.


----------



## lifeistooshort

technovelist said:


> Yes, but of course that's different! :scratchhead:
> (Note for the sarcasm impaired: :rofl


Actually it is different. Men will freely admit they fantasize about young women. But the same men will tell middle aged dudes that they're a much better catch then very young men, who tend to be at the bottom of the dating pool. So which is it? Are young men sought after by older women or are they at the bottom of the dating pool, leaving middle aged and older men all the good ones? Can't have it both ways.

Not much very young men porn aimed at women, but plenty of young girl porn aimed at men. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## LonelyinLove

Yeswecan said:


>


Right...LOL

I'm 5' tall, and my boobs are set high. The only way to avoid cleavage would be to wear a turtleneck.


----------



## MarriedDude

lifeistooshort said:


> Actually it is different. Men will freely admit they fantasize about young women. But the same men will tell middle aged dudes that they're a much better catch then very young men, who tend to be at the bottom of the dating pool. *So which is it?* Are young men sought after by older women or are they at the bottom of the dating pool, leaving middle aged and older men all the good ones? Can't have it both ways.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Whatever age I am at the time is the most sought after:smthumbup::smthumbup:


----------



## lifeistooshort

Gotta love how when women come for advice regarding their husbands the guys will tell them not to listen to other women as hubby is a guy and they know guys. Fair enough, but now OP is being told not to listen to women regarding his wife why? Because we don't get women? Or is it that us silly women really never know what we're talking about?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## PhillyGuy13

I had asked this morning when the next lesson is? Or has he not been back in six weeks? How has she dressed since?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Yeswecan

lifeistooshort said:


> Actually it is different. Men will freely admit they fantasize about young women. But the same men will tell middle aged dudes that they're a much better catch then very young men, who tend to be at the bottom of the dating pool. So which is it? Are young men sought after by older women or are they at the bottom of the dating pool, leaving middle aged and older men all the good ones? Can't have it both ways.
> 
> Not much very young men porn aimed at women, but plenty of young girl porn aimed at men.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Define fantasize.

Let's talk about older female teachers and young students. Why do these teacher seek and do they things they do with the younger students? Male teachers do the same with young female students. 

Define Cougar.
Define dirty old man. :rofl:


----------



## MarriedDude

lifeistooshort said:


> Gotta love how when women come for advice regarding their husbands the guys will tell them not to listen to other women as hubby is a guy and they know guys. Fair enough, but now OP is being told not to listen to women regarding his wife why? Because we don't get women? Or is it that us silly women really never know what we're talking about?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I would tend to agree that you don't ask a fish how to catch a fish....But in this instance I think OP should listen closely...but he should ALSO

Pay attention to what his wife has done. All of it. From what has been posted it looks like she:

1. Got in Shape
2. Dressed like a woman that is shape can
3. Got noticed by a 19 year old boiling cauldron of hormones
4. Didn't like accusations/suggestions/generalized neediness/insecurity masked as shaming her for looking good. 

It appears that he was upset about the one thing she had zero control over....but hasn't responded to all the positive things she has done through her own hard work (By responding...I mean following suit and taking care of himself). 

I think she has a serious weed up her behind now...and has a legitimate gripe. OP needs to take action and get with the program.


----------



## Tubbalard

LonelyinLove said:


> Dan, follow this script if you wish to end up in divorce court. :rofl:


How is ending up in divorce a bad thing, considering her actions? She's already committed divorce worthy behavior. Her actions speak of a bully. Divorce would just clarify who she really is. She's a cleavage bully. Dressing like that in front of a 19 yr old kid, then sending a husband to a fictional doghouse for questioning her not so modest clothing choices is bully behavior. She knows he's going to cower down once she yields her bullying power.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## PhillyGuy13

Tubbalard said:


> How is ending up in divorce a bad thing, considering her actions? She's already committed divorce worthy behavior. Her actions speak of a bully. Divorce would just clarify who she really is. She's a cleavage bully. Dressing like that in front of a 19 yr old kid, then sending a husband to a fictional doghouse for questioning her not so modest clothing choices is bully behavior. She knows he's going to cower down once she yields her bullying power.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


LOL @ Cleavage bully!!!

This thread cracks me up


----------



## MarriedDude

Tubbalard said:


> How is ending up in divorce a bad thing, considering her actions? She's already committed divorce worthy behavior. Her actions speak of a bully. Divorce would just clarify who she really is. *She's a cleavage bully.* Dressing like that in front of a 19 yr old kid, then sending a husband to a fictional doghouse for questioning her not so modest clothing choices is bully behavior. She knows he's going to cower down once she yields her bullying power.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


"Cleavage Bully"...that just entered my phrase rotation. Awesome. 

Other than that.....Are you serious? Are you married?

Divorce is always a bad thing. Suggesting divorce over a cleavage situation...is just nuts. IMO


----------



## norajane

Tubbalard said:


> How is ending up in divorce a bad thing, considering her actions? She's already committed divorce worthy behavior. Her actions speak of a bully. Divorce would just clarify who she really is. She's a cleavage bully. Dressing like that in front of a 19 yr old kid, then sending a husband to a fictional doghouse for questioning her not so modest clothing choices is bully behavior. She knows he's going to cower down once she yields her bullying power.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


This thread is hilarious! Cleavage bully! :rofl:


----------



## LonelyinLove

Tubbalard said:


> How is ending up in divorce a bad thing, considering her actions? She's already committed divorce worthy behavior. Her actions speak of a bully. Divorce would just clarify who she really is. She's a cleavage bully. Dressing like that in front of a 19 yr old kid, then sending a husband to a fictional doghouse for questioning her not so modest clothing choices is bully behavior. She knows he's going to cower down once she yields her bullying power.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Her choice of shirts is a divorce worthy action....:rofl:

Cleavage bully? WTH is that? 

She gets herself in shape, buys new figure friendly clothing, wears it, and she's exhibiting bullying power.:scratchhead:

I'm guessing you can relate to the OP's insecurity....:slap:


----------



## lifeistooshort

MarriedDude said:


> Whatever age I am at the time is the most sought after:smthumbup::smthumbup:



You're ageless 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Yeswecan

Cleavage Bully. Where do I get this t-shirt?


----------



## tech-novelist

lifeistooshort said:


> Actually it is different. Men will freely admit they fantasize about young women. But the same men will tell middle aged dudes that they're a much better catch then very young men, who tend to be at the bottom of the dating pool. So which is it? Are young men sought after by older women or are they at the bottom of the dating pool, leaving middle aged and older men all the good ones? Can't have it both ways.
> 
> Not much very young men porn aimed at women, but plenty of young girl porn aimed at men.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


The vast majority of young men ARE at the bottom of the dating pool, which is why they have a lot of trouble attracting women younger than they are, who have much more power in the sexual market than they do.

50-year-old women are ALSO at the bottom of the dating pool, so they are much more vulnerable to the attentions of a young man than a young woman would be.


----------



## Tubbalard

LonelyinLove said:


> Her choice of shirts is a divorce worthy action....:rofl:
> 
> Cleavage bully? WTH is that?
> 
> She gets herself in shape, buys new figure friendly clothing, wears it, and she's exhibiting bullying power.:scratchhead:
> 
> I'm guessing you can relate to the OP's insecurity....:slap:


Not her choice of shirts, but the 6 week doghouse is a VERY aggressive act. It signifies a huge disrespect. Many men or women would not tolerate this behavior. It's an act of a bully. She's intentionally doing a free promo breast tour for the young lad. No one else. It's inappropriate. He called her out on it and she sent him away to live with todo. 

There's a time and a place. Only sporting the Dolly Pardon special for one particular person is a huge red flag. According to her husband she is a religious woman. What woman of God wants to display their breast for a young man?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## MarriedDude

yeswecan said:


> cleavage bully. Where do i get this t-shirt?


1-800-big-boob


----------



## phillybeffandswiss

The term bully has officially jumped the shark.


----------



## MarriedDude

Tubbalard said:


> Not her choice of shirts, but the 6 week doghouse is a VERY aggressive act. It signifies a huge disrespect. Many men or women would not tolerate this behavior. It's an act of a bully. *She's intentionally doing a free promo breast tour for the young lad.* No one else. It's inappropriate. He called her out on it and she sent him away to live with todo.
> 
> There's a time and a place. Only sporting the Dolly Pardon special for one particular person is a huge red flag. According to her husband she is a religious woman. What woman of God wants to display their breast for a young man?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Did you actually look at the shirt OP Posted?

Where I live it's called "typical T-Shirt"

Context is everything...She wore that in her HOME...while her husband WAS HOME. She wasn't on display...she was at work. 

Making it all about his wife isn't going to help OP get where he needs to be.


----------



## LonelyinLove

Tubbalard said:


> Not her choice of shirts, but the 6 week doghouse is a VERY aggressive act. It signifies a huge disrespect. Many men or women would not tolerate this behavior. It's an act of a bully. She's intentionally doing a free promo breast tour for the young lad. No one else. It's inappropriate. He called her out on it and she sent him away to live with todo.
> 
> There's a time and a place. Only sporting the Dolly Pardon special for one particular person is a huge red flag. According to her husband she is a religious woman. What woman of God wants to display their breast for a young man?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I pretty fond of Dolly clothing and accessories myself.

Animal print and bling really are my choice of fashion.

That said, I go to the Y to maintain what God gave me. I walk the track and get hit on by the 70 - 80 yr old crowd all the time.

I'm wearing sweats, sneakers and a t-shirt.

By your logic I'm tempting them by walking by with my DD's in a cotton poly blend. 

You aren't that guy with 19 kids and counting and the meek timid wife are you?


----------



## lifeistooshort

technovelist said:


> The vast majority of young men ARE at the bottom of the dating pool, which is why they have a lot of trouble attracting women younger than they are, who have much more power in the sexual market than they do.
> 
> 50-year-old women are ALSO at the bottom of the dating pool, so they are much more vulnerable to the attentions of a young man than a young woman would be.



Not really. If this argument was true you'd see a lot more pairings like this since they'd be a natural match. Ladies this age often want guys their age, many of whom are under the illusion they're 20 years younger then they are and actually have something to offer younger women besides money. 

Doubtful she went looking for a 19 year old, he just happened to take piano lessons and look at her chest. Maybe every woman whose middle aged husband sneaks a glance at the teenage babysitter should divorce him.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## MarriedDude

LonelyinLove said:


> Tubbalard said:
> 
> 
> 
> Not her choice of shirts, but the 6 week doghouse is a VERY aggressive act. It signifies a huge disrespect. Many men or women would not tolerate this behavior. It's an act of a bully. She's intentionally doing a free promo breast tour for the young lad. No one else. It's inappropriate. He called her out on it and she sent him away to live with todo.
> 
> There's a time and a place. Only sporting the Dolly Pardon special for one particular person is a huge red flag. According to her husband she is a religious woman. What woman of God wants to display their breast for a young man?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_[/QUOTE
> 
> I pretty fond of Dolly clothing and accessories myself.
> 
> Animal print and bling really are my choice of fashion.
> 
> That said, I go to the Y to maintain what God gave me. I walk the track and get hit on by the 70 - 80 yr old crowd all the time.
> 
> I'm wearing sweats, sneakers and a t-shirt.
> 
> *By your logic I'm tempting them by walking by with my DD's in a cotton poly blend. *
> 
> You aren't that guy with 19 kids and counting and the meek timid wife are you?
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Sounds suspiciously like Prancing to me...and Poly Cotton Blend..OMG.
Click to expand...


----------



## LonelyinLove

MarriedDude said:


> LonelyinLove said:
> 
> 
> 
> Sounds suspiciously like Prancing to me...and Poly Cotton Blend..OMG.
> 
> 
> 
> Actually, if I go from walk to run, I can give myself a black eye.
Click to expand...


----------



## Tubbalard

MarriedDude said:


> "Cleavage Bully"...that just entered my phrase rotation. Awesome.
> 
> Other than that.....Are you serious? Are you married?
> 
> 
> Divorce is always a bad thing. Suggesting divorce over a cleavage situation...is just nuts. IMO


Lol. Glad I can help.

But I wasn't trying to suggest divorce. I was just stating that if he committed an aggressive act like she committed, then why would divorce be an option, considering her continuing and harmful behavior? What purpose would there be for divorce if he stood up for himself? She already has.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tech-novelist

lifeistooshort said:


> Not really. If this argument was true you'd see a lot more pairings like this since they'd be a natural match. Ladies this age often want guys their age, many of whom are under the illusion they're 20 years younger then they are and actually have something to offer younger women besides money.
> 
> Doubtful she went looking for a 19 year old, he just happened to take piano lessons and look at her chest. Maybe every woman whose middle aged husband sneaks a glance at the teenage babysitter should divorce him.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


There ARE a lot of "pairings" like that, although they are generally very short-term in nature. The women are called "cougars" and the men (boys) are called "cubs". If you are a young man who just wants sex, and you run across a good-looking woman a lot older than you who wants the same thing, you would be in heaven.


----------



## Blonde

Tubbalard said:


> She's a cleavage bully. Dressing like that in front of a 19 yr old kid


:lol:

A cleavage bully :rofl:

I resemble that. I must have bullied the whole church full of guests in my "mother of the bride" dress


----------



## MarriedDude

LonelyinLove said:


> MarriedDude said:
> 
> 
> 
> Actually, if I go from walk to run, I can give myself a black eye.
> 
> 
> 
> When Mrs. MarriedDude runs she wears 2 Sports Bra's...Makes them look like 1 giant Boob.
> 
> They finished last weekends 10K 5 seconds before her feet did.
> 
> I now HAVE to get her a t-shirt made that says "Cleavage Bully"
Click to expand...


----------



## LonelyinLove

Blonde said:


> :lol:
> 
> A cleavage bully :rofl:
> 
> I resemble that.


Is that you?

Wow. You classify as a hot chick.


----------



## MarriedDude

Blonde said:


> :lol:
> 
> A cleavage bully :rofl:
> 
> I resemble that. I must have bullied the whole church full of guests in my "mother of the bride" dress


You must stop intimidating people with your cleavage..

Its an aggressive act............I've heard...


----------



## Tubbalard

LonelyinLove said:


> I pretty fond of Dolly clothing and accessories myself.
> 
> Animal print and bling really are my choice of fashion.
> 
> That said, I go to the Y to maintain what God gave me. I walk the track and get hit on by the 70 - 80 yr old crowd all the time.
> 
> I'm wearing sweats, sneakers and a t-shirt.
> 
> By your logic I'm tempting them by walking by with my DD's in a cotton poly blend.
> 
> You aren't that guy with 19 kids and counting and the meek timid wife are you?




These are different scenarios. 70+ people will comment on anything moving. No matter what the person is wearing. Spam can look like steak and lobster to them at that age.

What we do know is that this woman is Playing Hugh hefners mature playmate just for the youngster and not anyone else. Running gear and piano gear are not the same Time and place for everything.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Yeswecan

MarriedDude said:


> 1-800-big-boob


1-800-big-ins


----------



## LonelyinLove

Tubbalard said:


> These are different scenarios. 70+ people will comment on anything moving. No matter what the person is wearing. Spam can look like steak and lobster to them at that age.
> 
> What we do know is that this woman is Playing Hugh hefners mature playmate just for the youngster and not anyone else. Running gear and piano gear is not the same Time and place for everything.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Well, Lard, my goods look better than spam, no matter the age of the viewer.

And Hugh Hefner's mature playmate...are you for real or just here to provide comedy relief for the rest of us? :rofl:


----------



## phillybeffandswiss

Tubbalard said:


> What we do know is that this woman is Playing Hugh hefners mature playmate just for the youngster and not anyone else. Running gear and piano gear are not the same Time and place for everything.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


No, you assume we know. He has never posted a picture of said shirt that showed bully cleavage.


----------



## Blonde

LonelyinLove said:


> Is that you?


Yep, the one and only :smnotworthy: (50something with low SMV per TAM :awink
don't you think my cartoon avatar resembles that pic?


----------



## Tubbalard

MarriedDude said:


> Did you actually look at the shirt OP Posted?
> 
> Where I live it's called "typical T-Shirt"
> 
> Context is everything...She wore that in her HOME...while her husband WAS HOME. She wasn't on display...she was at work.
> 
> Making it all about his wife isn't going to help OP get where he needs to be.



I live in a liberal area too. But she didn't just wear them in her home. She caught a case of Bieber fever and specifically dressed like a piano vixen for the kid. Had it been just her and her husband, a-ok. Since when can't you put the girls on display at work. Theres been video and cases where women sexy it up for co workers or their boss. Time and place for everything.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## phillybeffandswiss

Tubbalard said:


> I live in a liberal area too. But she didn't just wear them in her home. She caught a case of Bieber fever and specifically dressed like a piano vixen for the kid. Had it been just her and her husband, a-ok. Since when can't you put the girls on display at work. Theres been video and cases where women sexy it up for co workers or their boss. Time and place for everything.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


LOL and then... I killed 7 with one blow.
You should write fiction, your imagination is awesome.


I'm out before I get banned.


----------



## azteca1986

Tubbalard said:


> I live in a liberal area too. But she didn't just wear them in her home. She caught a case of Bieber fever and specifically dressed like a piano vixen for the kid. Had it been just her and her husband, a-ok.


Are you 19 years old? Do you play the piano?


----------



## Anon Pink

technovelist said:


> The vast majority of young men ARE at the bottom of the dating pool, which is why they have a lot of trouble attracting women younger than they are, who have much more power in the sexual market than they do.
> 
> 50-year-old women are ALSO at the bottom of the dating pool, so they are much more vulnerable to the attentions of a young man than a young woman would be.




Oh dear god where do you get this drivel?

Vulnerable to the attentions of a pup? :rofl: most women my age want nothing to do with training up a pup in the ways of sex. 

Women want a man who knows his way around a woman's body. Not a fumbling one hump chump.


----------



## LonelyinLove

Anon Pink said:


> Not a fumbling one hump chump.


Thank you so much for the coffee spewed on the work laptop...:rofl::lol:


----------



## gouge_away

Lila said:


> Dan:
> 
> I've read your thread and I agree with those posters that are saying you need to follow your wife's lead and get with the self-improvement program. In the interim I'm going to share with you something that my husband did for me that might help you get out of the doghouse with your wife.
> 
> A couple of years ago I got in the best shape of my life following some cosmetic surgery. I received compliments from friends and family on my improved physique but they dimmed in comparison to my H's compliments. One of the ways he showed me his appreciation was to go out and buy me a smokin' hot dress and shoes that he requested I wear out on a special date night with him. I can't explain how important it was for him to show me his support in this way. With this relatively small gesture, he showed me how proud he was to be seen with me, and that alone made me feel like a million bucks.
> 
> Take it from a woman who's been in your wife's shoes, make it obvious through your actions to show her how proud you are to have a sexy and attractive woman by your side.


Now you can get her that luxury pillow top extra wide piano bench.... She'll adore you forever.


----------



## MarriedDude

Tubbalard said:


> I live in a liberal area too. But she didn't just wear them in her home. She caught a case of *Bieber fever* and specifically dressed like a *piano vixen* for the kid. Had it been just her and her husband, a-ok. Since when can't you put the girls on display at work. Theres been video and cases where women sexy it up for co workers or their boss. Time and place for everything.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Bieber Fever & Piano Vixen...Your Killing It!!!

But really...I believe the OP said that she was wearing at home. 

And...just because a woman wears something that flatters her or parts of her...you can't really believe that she is advertising for a mate...??? I mean- I'm pretty into myself and think I'm awesome..But I don't go so far as to think every woman I encounter or work with is dressing suggestively for MY benefit or amusement (Though...just be clear -I'm not against that happening -just don't find it to be very likely). 

Context...person feels good about their appearance...upgraded wardrobe to highlight said improvement....does not equal aggressive pursuit of 19 year old piano student.


----------



## gouge_away

DanX said:


> I have nothing to hide. I plan to send her a link to this thread.





Blonde said:


> And... brace yourself!


"I did that, worst decision evah"
FC3


----------



## OldWolf57

Here's the rub people. She only dress this way when the kid is coming over.

I agree with Dan, vanity, guilt, and shame = eruption.

Still,,, 6 weeks ???


----------



## Maria Canosa Gargano

MarriedDude said:


> Bieber Fever & Piano Vixen...Your Killing It!!!
> 
> But really...I believe the OP said that she was wearing at home.
> 
> And...just because a woman wears something that flatters her or parts of her...you can't really believe that she is advertising for a mate...??? I mean- I'm pretty into myself and think I'm awesome..But I don't go so far as to think every woman I encounter or work with is dressing suggestively for MY benefit or amusement (Though...just be clear -I'm not against that happening -just don't find it to be very likely).
> 
> Context...person feels good about their appearance...upgraded wardrobe to highlight said improvement....does not equal aggressive pursuit of 19 year old piano student.


I actually do agree that the OP does have a lot of red flags.

But this line of thinking that has been posited about clothing seems to me a lot off the mark. Some women, particularly those who cheat will dress like that specifically to attract attention because of who they are. They are looking to attract attention and then ACT on it. But a lot of normal women dress nicer for themselves and even if they do get attention will not ACT on it. Sexy clothes + male attention DOES NOT equal cheating if the woman has a good character.

The 6 weeks in the doghouse thing is throwing up red flags for me about how she deals with conflicts and possibly her character, but TBH, I do not have enough information to make that judgement call.


----------



## GTdad

OldWolf57 said:


> Here's the rub people. She only dress this way when the kid is coming over.
> 
> I agree with Dan, vanity, guilt, and shame = eruption.
> 
> Still,,, 6 weeks ???


It _might_ be explainable if the OP has been an overly jealous PITA for years and she's fed up, but that's just about the only reasonable explanation. Six weeks is an awfully long time.


----------



## Alecto

OldWolf57 said:


> Here's the rub people. She only dress this way when the kid is coming over.
> 
> I agree with Dan, vanity, guilt, and shame = eruption.
> 
> Still,,, 6 weeks ???


You're assuming that this is an accurate observation, and not his own admitted insecurity coloring his perception.


----------



## Chaparral

LonelyinLove said:


> I pretty fond of Dolly clothing and accessories myself.
> 
> Animal print and bling really are my choice of fashion.
> 
> That said, I go to the Y to maintain what God gave me. I walk the track and get hit on by the 70 - 80 yr old crowd all the time.
> 
> I'm wearing sweats, sneakers and a t-shirt.
> 
> By your logic I'm tempting them by walking by with my DD's in a cotton poly blend.
> 
> You aren't that guy with 19 kids and counting and the meek timid wife are you?


What the women on this thread keep ignoring is how long this has been going on. Six weeks of cold shoulder for anything would be a deal breaker for me.

Exactly how long do you think she should be ticked off for him showing a jealous streak? And please don't presume any thing that op hasn't testified to. Like he's been an insecure little bald fat man for ever.


----------



## lordmayhem

weightlifter said:


> Hey everbody look at my LEFT hand.
> # punches everybody with his RIGHT hand.
> Misdirection at work.
> So im driving to work. Im thinking about tomorrows project not TAM and brain spits out: the 19 y/o boy does not fit this...
> 
> You know what does:
> You are watching the 19 y/o boy when its someone else. Possibly at the gym or work. The 6 weeks of abuse is her detaching and or using as excuse to get out of the house.
> Typical older woman scenarios ive seen are womans age up to 10 or so years not 30 years.
> Then again you dont have poo to go on. IF you decide to dig and ill warn you your trail is thin...
> Before you do anything electronic you need basic logistics which you lack.
> 
> Other possibility is she suspects you of something.


:iagree:

The lady doth protest too much indeed. When I asked my WW about the OM, she BLEW UP also in front of her mother (she was visiting at the time), calling me insecure, jealous, etc. 

Two red flags here already in this situation, maybe more, but the OP is more interested in taking the blame and won't give any other details that may be red flags.


----------



## Maria Canosa Gargano

If she is going to be coming onto this thread to see, it might be helpful if she posts as well. That way we can get a clearer picture and see if it is a problem in their interaction or something else.

Would you be comfortable with this OP?


----------



## lordmayhem

Chaparral said:


> What the women on this thread keep ignoring is how long this has been going on. Six weeks of cold shoulder for anything would be a deal breaker for me.


Yeah, that fact seems to be completely ignored. Six weeks, that's a month and a half. I would NEVER EVER take that. 



Chaparral said:


> Exactly how long do you think she should be ticked off for him showing a jealous streak? And please don't presume any thing that op hasn't testified to. Like he's been an insecure little bald fat man for ever.


The fact that there seems to be no end in sight is disturbing. It's like its being used and excuse for something.


----------



## norajane

Chaparral said:


> What the women on this thread keep ignoring is how long this has been going on. Six weeks of cold shoulder for anything would be a deal breaker for me.
> 
> Exactly how long do you think she should be ticked off for him showing a jealous streak? And please don't presume any thing that op hasn't testified to. Like he's been an insecure little bald fat man for ever.


He probably wasn't bald and fat forever, but he himself said in his OP that he has ALWAYS been insecure. Don't you believe him?


----------



## Maria Canosa Gargano

Chaparral said:


> What the women on this thread keep ignoring is how long this has been going on. Six weeks of cold shoulder for anything would be a deal breaker for me.
> 
> Exactly how long do you think she should be ticked off for him showing a jealous streak? And please don't presume any thing that op hasn't testified to. Like he's been an insecure little bald fat man for ever.


I am a woman and I agree that the six weeks it too long.

I have disagreed about general statements of women wearing nicer clothing.

I do not disagree that her wearing nice clothing in this case is a problem.

I also think we need more specific information. What exact patterns of behavior has she done in these six weeks? What has he been doing to open communication again? Is he re-opening the wound by doing behaviors that she is shutting down to? Or is he genuinely trying to be open and she continues to shut him down?

I am totally and completely open to the possibility that she is seeing someone else. I think we can conjecture less and know more if he gives us specific behaviors they are both doing. That way we can help him more.


----------



## lordmayhem

norajane said:


> He probably wasn't bald and fat forever, but he himself said in his OP that he has ALWAYS been insecure. Don't you believe him?


And what has he done or said to her to show that he was always insecure besides the last comment *SIX WEEKS AGO?* We need more information.


----------



## MarriedDude

lordmayhem said:


> And what has he done or said to her to show that he was always insecure besides the last comment *SIX WEEKS AGO?* We need more information.


We do need more info..like...what does OP consider "In the Dog House"?

Is the Dog House...

Not speaking to him for Six Weeks or 

No Dessert.


----------



## Chaparral

norajane said:


> He probably wasn't bald and fat forever, but he himself said in his OP that he has ALWAYS been insecure. Don't you believe him?



He said he has always been somewhat insecure. That does nothing to explain six weeks of anger and disrespect after multiple apologies. My experience is that when someone goes over board with their actions, they are hiding something.

Like I said before, maybe he came across to belligerently. That doesn't fit with his story that he immediately apologized and even bought her flowers the next day. 

I want to know if anyone on here thinks that she has done the right thing.


----------



## MarriedDude

Chaparral said:


> He said he has always been somewhat insecure. That does nothing to explain six weeks of anger and disrespect after multiple apologies. My experience is that when someone goes over board with their actions, they are hiding something.
> 
> Like I said before, maybe he came across to belligerently. That doesn't fit with his story that he immediately apologized and even bought her flowers the next day.
> 
> I want to know if anyone on here thinks that she has done the right thing.


Going into a rage...No, I don't think she made the right move there. It did nothing to diffuse the situation or address the concerns of her husband. 

IF...this "Dog House" thing is not speaking to him for six weeks...Then that isn't right either. 

It sure smells more like both of them made some wrong moves..resulting in some tan-trummery.


----------



## lordmayhem

Chaparral said:


> He said he has always been somewhat insecure. That does nothing to explain six weeks of anger and disrespect after multiple apologies. My experience is that when someone goes over board with their actions, they are hiding something.
> 
> Like I said before, maybe he came across to belligerently. That doesn't fit with his story that he immediately apologized and even bought her flowers the next day.
> 
> I want to know if anyone on here thinks that she has done the right thing.


:iagree: :iagree: :iagree: :iagree: :iagree:

Her reaction is way over the top in proportion to what he supposedly did wrong. I can see a day, or a couple days, or even a week, but six damn weeks with no end in sight? What the hell is wrong with this picture? That's why its a red flag to me.


----------



## Wolf1974

Chaparral said:


> He said he has always been somewhat insecure. That does nothing to explain six weeks of anger and disrespect after multiple apologies. My experience is that when someone goes over board with their actions, they are hiding something.
> 
> Like I said before, maybe he came across to belligerently. That doesn't fit with his story that he immediately apologized and even bought her flowers the next day.
> 
> I want to know if anyone on here thinks that she has done the right thing.


I agree and that's why I think and hope we get her side. Either he was much more disrespectful to her than he led on or something more is going on with this. 6 weeks for being insecure and apologized immediately after? something is off.

I still don't know that any of this has anything to do with cheating. But I do see how many are coming to the conclusion. The one time I ever saw my x wife loose her **** completely was the day I accused her of cheating. And guess what she was. This isn't an uncommon thing just not sure that applies to this case yet or not.


----------



## MarriedDude

lordmayhem said:


> :iagree: :iagree: :iagree: :iagree: :iagree:
> 
> Her reaction is way over the top in proportion to what he supposedly did wrong. I can see a day, or a couple days, or even a week, but six damn weeks with no end in sight? What the hell is wrong with this picture? That's why its a red flag to me.


It would be over the top if taken as a single incident. 

Maybe not if considered the cumulative effect of 25 years of neediness and insecurity....culminating in him telling her that he thought she was attempting to lure a 19 year old student into an inappropriate relationship by being a "Cleavage Bully". 

That and....we need to know what has been going on during this 6 week period.


----------



## Chaparral

MarriedDude said:


> It would be over the top if taken as a single incident.
> 
> Maybe not if considered the cumulative effect of 25 years of neediness and insecurity....culminating in him telling her that he thought she was attempting to lure a 19 year old student into an inappropriate relationship by being a "Cleavage Bully".
> 
> That and....we need to know what has been going on during this 6 week period.


Could you point out the post where he said he had been needy and insecure for twenty five years?


----------



## Maria Canosa Gargano

Chaparral said:


> Could you point out the post where he said he had been needy and insecure for twenty five years?


I think that would be difficult for him/us to determine actually. I think it is less important to focus on the 25 years as a start, and ask him what specific behaviors have been demonstrated on both sides to determine if there are triggering interactions between each other or if there is truly just a complete shut down. Right now, both of them are up in the air IMO (which I am willing to say I may be totally off). I think this is more productive because giving us specific behaviors of 25 years between two people is a much bigger challenge to dissect. I think more specific examples with more concrete nuances can be pulled apart from this specific example. From there we can gather more information by asking "This behavior that was demonstrated last week, has that been recurring? For how many years? Is this a familiar pattern to you? Can you recall any other time?"

Right now I don't think I could determine if he is the needy one, or if she is the cheater, or if the case is of neither one but a build up of habitual reactions to one another that has come to a pressure point with the wife's turnaround.


----------



## norajane

Well, again from the OP, he says that his wife went into a rage, and asked him this:



DanX said:


> And how could I think that she was a *****?


So if he called her a wh*re or implied it with his questions, I can see how she'd fly into a rage. Most church-going middle aged women who have never cheated don't like being called that by their H's for giving a piano lesson wearing a low cut t-shirt.


----------



## MarriedDude

Chaparral said:


> Could you point out the post where he said he had been needy and insecure for twenty five years?


Page 1

*The problem is my insecurity. I have always been somewhat insecure, but it grew worse when my wife turned 50 last year.*


----------



## Chaparral

MarriedDude said:


> Page 1
> 
> *The problem is my insecurity. I have always been somewhat insecure, but it grew worse when my wife turned 50 last year.*


Yes, I quoted that myself. That's not what you posted.


----------



## lordmayhem

MarriedDude said:


> It would be over the top if taken as a single incident.
> 
> Maybe not if considered the cumulative effect of 25 years of neediness and insecurity....culminating in him telling her that he thought she was attempting to lure a 19 year old student into an inappropriate relationship by being a "Cleavage Bully".
> 
> That and....we need to know what has been going on during this 6 week period.


Where did he accuse her of attempting to lure him into an inappropriate relationship? The exact quote is:



DanX said:


> I told her she should dress more conservative so he wouldn't get the wrong idea.


Where the frack do you get "Cleavage Bully" and all this other nonsense from? So he he told her to dress more appropriately so the kid wouldn't get the wrong idea. And you all transform this into him accusing her of trying to lure the kid into an inappropriate relationship and calling him a Cleavage Bully.

Unfreakingbelievable.


----------



## PhillyGuy13

I hope Mrs. DanX doesn't come on here. She is going to get ripped apart, all over wearing a shirt that probably wasn't even inappropriate.

Good grief.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## lordmayhem

norajane said:


> Well, again from the OP, he says that his wife went into a rage, and asked him this:
> 
> 
> 
> So if he called her a wh*re or implied it with his questions, I can see how she'd fly into a rage. Most church-going middle aged women who have never cheated don't like being called that by their H's for giving a piano lesson wearing a low cut t-shirt.


In other words you're just guessing and assuming it to be fact.


----------



## MarriedDude

lordmayhem said:


> Where did he accuse her of attempting to lure him into an inappropriate relationship? The exact quote is:
> 
> 
> 
> Where the frack do you get "Cleavage Bully" and all this other nonsense from? So he he told her to dress more appropriately so the kid wouldn't get the wrong idea. And you all transform this into him accusing her of trying to lure the kid into an inappropriate relationship and calling him a Cleavage Bully.
> 
> Unfreakingbelievable.


You must have missed the "Cleavage Bully" Memo. 

There is gonna be T-Shirts

Call 1-800-Big-Boob

It's all gonna be about the context. What was said, How was said, etc.


----------



## MarriedDude

Chaparral said:


> Yes, I quoted that myself. That's not what you posted.


I considered when he said "always"...he meant always. 

His actions appear needy. He writing makes him sound pretty needy. 

But no. I have no other evidence of his neediness other than the words he has written


----------



## lordmayhem

PhillyGuy13 said:


> I hope Mrs. DanX doesn't come on here. She is going to get ripped apart, all over wearing a shirt that probably wasn't even inappropriate.
> 
> Good grief.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


*The Cold Shoulder, Silent Treatment as Abuse*

"In modern day though, the silent treatment in a relationship is simply a person's way of exacting control over another person. The person giving the cold shoulder has all the power and creates a situation wherein all the attention is focused on him (or her), and what he perceives as being wrong. The silent treatment is often given as a form of punishment in a relationship and psychologists consider the silent treatment as a form of abuse.

Silent treatment is abuse because:1

It is passive-aggressive behavior intended to hurt the other person
It shows a lack of caring, a lack of respect and a lack of value
It can hurt the other person more than anything else you do, depending on the other person
It can contribute to depression, anxiety and low self-esteem

For many people, the silent treatment is the worst form of emotional abuse." 

Reference​
Tracy, N. (n.d.). The Silent Treatment: Are You Getting the Cold Shoulder? - HealthyPlace. Retrieved from The Silent Treatment: Are You Getting the Cold Shoulder? - HealthyPlace


----------



## MarriedDude

lordmayhem said:


> *The Cold Shoulder, Silent Treatment as Abuse*
> 
> "In modern day though, the silent treatment in a relationship is simply a person's way of exacting control over another person. The person giving the cold shoulder has all the power and creates a situation wherein all the attention is focused on him (or her), and what he perceives as being wrong. The silent treatment is often given as a form of punishment in a relationship and psychologists consider the silent treatment as a form of abuse.
> 
> Silent treatment is abuse because:1
> 
> It is passive-aggressive behavior intended to hurt the other person
> It shows a lack of caring, a lack of respect and a lack of value
> It can hurt the other person more than anything else you do, depending on the other person
> It can contribute to depression, anxiety and low self-esteem
> 
> For many people, the silent treatment is the worst form of emotional abuse."
> 
> Reference​
> Tracy, N. (n.d.). The Silent Treatment: Are You Getting the Cold Shoulder? - HealthyPlace. Retrieved from The Silent Treatment: Are You Getting the Cold Shoulder? - HealthyPlace


Did OP say Silent Treatment?


----------



## PhillyGuy13

He said he's in the doghouse. 

Not sure he elaborated on specifics. Too lazy to go back to look while at work.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## MarriedDude

PhillyGuy13 said:


> He said he's in the doghouse.
> 
> Not sure he elaborated on specifics. Too lazy to go back to look while at work.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Pretty much what I thought too. 

Need a better definition of Dog House. 

and I'm gonna trademark Cleavage Bully if at all possible (and Piano Vixen)


----------



## lordmayhem

MarriedDude said:


> You must have missed the "Cleavage Bully" Memo.
> 
> There is gonna be T-Shirts
> 
> Call 1-800-Big-Boob
> 
> It's all gonna be about the context. What was said, How was said, etc.


----------



## Maria Canosa Gargano

To *LordMayhem/Married Dude*,

I am not a mod, nor do I want to be one. Call me out if I am acting out of line. I think responding to one another's posts causes us to be reacting to the inner theories of one another instead of gathering more evidence from further posts by the OP. You both have truly excellent posts and what you have both posted needs to be kept in the back of our minds. But I think we need further clarification by the OP and possibly his wife. Asking one another to clarify a situation briefly described is not going to make it clearer. It may take us away from the little evidence we have now.


----------



## MarriedDude

@lordmayhem..

Yep:smthumbup:


----------



## norajane

lordmayhem said:


> In other words you're just guessing and assuming it to be fact.


I am assuming far less than those who are assuming she's likely cheating.


----------



## lordmayhem

Maria Canosa Gargano said:


> To *LordMayhem/Married Dude*,
> 
> I am not a mod, nor do I want to be one. Call me out if I am acting out of line. I think responding to one another's posts causes us to be reacting to the inner theories of one another instead of gathering more evidence from further posts by the OP. You both have truly excellent posts and what you have both posted needs to be kept in the back of our minds. But I think we need further clarification by the OP and possibly his wife. Asking one another to clarify a situation briefly described is not going to make it clearer. It may take us away from the little evidence we have now.


:iagree:

Yeah, need more clarifcation.


----------



## MarriedDude

Maria Canosa Gargano said:


> To *LordMayhem/Married Dude*,
> 
> I am not a mod, nor do I want to be one. Call me out if I am acting out of line. I think responding to one another's posts causes us to be reacting to the inner theories of one another instead of gathering more evidence from further posts by the OP. You both have truly excellent posts and what you have both posted needs to be kept in the back of our minds. But I think we need further clarification by the OP and possibly his wife. Asking one another to clarify a situation briefly described is not going to make it clearer. It may take us away from the little evidence we have now.


Not out of line to me..

I agree we need more from OP. However- he's got a whole bunch to digest....and that may take a while. 

My concern would be that if OP's wife does read this thread -Accusations (made with a severe lack of info) -are going to shut her down instead of getting them both to a place where they are both improving.


----------



## workindad

Blonde said:


> Does your W use the same computer? The very fact that you have this posted on "Coping with Infidelity". If I was her I would be absolutely furious.
> 
> Perhaps you should have the thread moved just in case your W ever sees your history here.


You know this is probably good advice. Since your wife abuses the heck out of you for a month and a half when you tried to discuss your feelings with her, just imagine what would happen if she found out you were discussing your feelings on the internet.

You would really be in for her anger and emotional/mental abuse then.

Of course you, and several others on this thread, would somehow think she was justified.

I wonder if those being so supportive of your wife would tolerate this kind of BS from their own spouse.

Her reaction does not make sense. When something doesn't make sense- there is more that you don't know and no one on this board does either.

However, 6 weeks of her treatment of you over this incident is just plain mean.


She is an adult and an equal in your marriage. She needs to participate like one and she certainly is not. What does she not want to address with you?


----------



## Maria Canosa Gargano

MarriedDude said:


> Not out of line to me..
> 
> I agree we need more from OP. However- he's got a whole bunch to digest....and that may take a while.
> 
> My concern would be that if OP's wife does read this thread -Accusations (made with a severe lack of info) -are going to shut her down instead of getting them both to a place where they are both improving.


I posted on another forum, not TAM, about some issues I was facing with my cheating boyfriend. I was afraid I was being verbally abused by him as well. I posted my thoughts and the next day, pages and pages degrading my opinion, saying I was stupid for thinking that, people arguing back and forth arguing more with each other than talking to my situation. 

I immediately left the thread and forum. There was no respect for me or actual inquiry. I didn't look at any more posts as I already felt disgusted that people who had no idea who I was would talk about me in that way.

That's why I posted what I did. Let's remember that a computer screen does not mean that we should say things we would feel embarrassed to say to someone's face. I have no problem with saying the tough things to someone's face if I thought they needed to hear it. I would have a problem saying I know who they are and what they did without enough evidence. We need to remember this is a real couple behind the screen. 

We may need to say the tough thing and say "Yes, she is cheating on you" or "Yes, you are insecure". But let us do it as a way to help someone by saying the tough thing. Not as a way to prove something we think regardless if it helps the couple on the other side or not.


----------



## MarriedDude

workindad said:


> You know this is probably good advice. *Since your wife abuses the heck out of you for a month and a half* when you tried to discuss your feelings with her, just imagine what would happen if she found out you were discussing your feelings on the internet.
> 
> You would really be in for her anger and emotional/mental abuse then.
> 
> Of course you, and several others on this thread, would somehow think she was justified.
> 
> I wonder if those being so supportive of your wife would tolerate this kind of BS from their own spouse.
> 
> Her reaction does not make sense. When something doesn't make sense- there is more that you don't know and no one on this board does either.
> 
> However, 6 weeks of her treatment of you over this incident is just plain mean.
> 
> 
> She is an adult and an equal in your marriage. She needs to participate like one and she certainly is not. What does she not want to address with you?


What abuse did OP describe?


----------



## workindad

MarriedDude said:


> What abuse did OP describe?


Read the next to the last sentence on post 1.

That is abuse from my point of view.


----------



## MarriedDude

workindad said:


> Read the next to the last sentence on post 1.
> 
> That is abuse from my point of view.


Got it. I can see that. It could be considered abuse. 

I don't currently agree with you that there was abuse.. as there are many blanks left to fill in....and it sounds more like a grown up tantrum. 

But I hear ya.


----------



## soccermom2three

technovelist said:


> The vast majority of young men ARE at the bottom of the dating pool, which is why they have a lot of trouble attracting women younger than they are, who have much more power in the sexual market than they do.
> 
> 50-year-old women are ALSO at the bottom of the dating pool, so they are much more vulnerable to the attentions of a young man than a young woman would be.


I must tell this to my single and DATING 50 year old girlfriends. I'm sure they'll get a laugh out of it.


----------



## Vulcan2013

A real man stands up to bullies. 

The way to stand up to a cleavage bully? Motorboating, my friend.


----------



## Tubbalard

Anon Pink said:


> Oh dear god where do you get this drivel?
> 
> Vulnerable to the attentions of a pup? :rofl: most women my age want nothing to do with training up a pup in the ways of sex.
> 
> Women want a man who knows his way around a woman's body. Not a fumbling one hump chump.


Is a 19yr old a young pup sexually? This is a guess, but an average 19yr old has about 3-5 years of sexual experience under his belt. Most are probably still in their jack rabbit phase but there's a lot of 40 and 50yr old women looking for a young and vibrant man that can give it to them fast and hard. A lot of these women complain that many of their contemporary's tools don't work as well as its used too, and that after one shot they're spent. The young guns have a higher recovery rate and last longer. 

There's a documentary on how older women, married and single from the U.S. and the UK fly down to Jamaica just to have a fling or two with the young local boys. Everybody's experience is different but a 50 yr old lustfully targeting a young adult is not uncommon. In the last 5-10 years it has become less taboo. There are many high earning professional women that live in middle to upper class urban areas in the 40-50yr range targeting young men for sexual escapades.


----------



## norajane

> There are many high earning professional women that live in middle to upper class urban areas in the 40-50yr range targeting young men for sexual escapades.


Which doesn't sound at all like a piano teacher who teaches out of her home while her husband is there watching them.


----------



## Chas

By Sports Fan
>I smell a terrible stench from her. Red flags are there along with the over the top reaction.

She knows full well she is dressing inapproriately around him.

Dont be to qucik to presume you are wrong. Place a hidden VAR and keylog her computer. I bet you might be surprised at what you might hear.

I seem to have missed all the red flags. Other than showing a normal amount of cleavage to the 19 YO, I can't find anything else that points to an affair and I don't see that as a red flag.


----------



## Tubbalard

norajane said:


> Which doesn't sound at all like a piano teacher who teaches out of her home while her husband is there watching them.


You're right, In that specific context that I mentioned. But I was speaking more to the general thought by some that 50yr old women want nothing to do with young men, when there's clearly been a boom openly in these relationships over the past few years.

Just because she's a piano teacher that teaches from home doesn't automatically disqualify her from that type of behavior.


----------



## Tubbalard

Chas said:


> By Sports Fan
> >I smell a terrible stench from her. Red flags are there along with the over the top reaction.
> 
> She knows full well she is dressing inapproriately around him.
> 
> Dont be to qucik to presume you are wrong. Place a hidden VAR and keylog her computer. I bet you might be surprised at what you might hear.
> 
> I seem to have missed all the red flags. Other than showing a normal amount of cleavage to the 19 YO, I can't find anything else that points to an affair and I don't see that as a red flag.


I don't think anyone has definitively said that she is having a affair. I think most reasonable people are saying that her reactions raise possible red flags and are not proportionate to what he said to his wife. Therefore there could be possibilities based on the sum of her actions. I believe many people are telling him to look into the situation and not turn a blind eye to possibilities 

A few guys relayed stories about how they had the exact same mindset as Danx, as in their wife would NEVER do such a thing, then all of sudden they were found to be cheating. Basically her reactions mirrors that of someone who _could_ be cheating. But no one knows for sure.

My argument was based on, no matter if she is cheating or not, it's disrespect. Him and his wife are religious. Husband submit to wives and wives submit to husbands. This is not a gender issue. It's about respect for your spouse. Her behavior is inappropriate.


----------



## maritalloneliness

Danx posted asking for other perspectives and boy did he get an ear full. The TAM responses have decimated his post to the point that it's laughable. When people post here, I thought it was to get help not to be brought down a notch. The man is severely insecure and facing possible betrayal in his marriage and people are making fun of him, IMO. It's no wonder he hasn't posted any updates.


----------



## Anon Pink

Tubbalard said:


> I don't think anyone has definitively said that she is having a affair. I think most reasonable people are saying that her reactions raise possible red flags and are not proportionate to what he said to his wife. Therefore there could be possibilities based on the sum of her actions. I believe many people are telling him to look into the situation and not turn a blind eye to possibilities
> 
> A few guys relayed stories about how they had the exact same mindset as Danx, as in their wife would NEVER do such a thing, then all of sudden they were found to be cheating. Basically her reactions mirrors that of someone who _could_ be cheating. But no one knows for sure.
> 
> My argument was based on, no matter if she is cheating or not, it's disrespect. Him and his wife are religious. Husband submit to wives and wives submit to husbands. This is not a gender issue. It's about respect for your spouse. *Her behavior is inappropriate.*



Who are you trying to convince? 

You've made you opinion known so why are you arguing the same point over and over? I jumped into this thread because, once again, the bitter brotherhood were railroading another hapless husband into making grave mistakes. 

You've said your piece. I've said mine.


----------



## Faithful Wife

I can't even....


----------



## soccermom2three

Faithful Wife said:


> I can't even....


:iagree:


----------



## GROUNDPOUNDER

The OP said that his wife always dressed conservatively before she lost the weight. He noticed that she's dressing up more. A "new wardrobe". He admits that he started to worry about her looking much better than he does. It's natural. I lost 73 pounds in my mid 20's and at about -35, guess what, my then GF, now ex-wife started dieting also. 

She actually told me that she was starting worry about me look too much better than her. We had both gained a lot of weight, but it looked much, much better on her(her, all over the body. Me, mostly in the middle.). We seemingly see our SO losing weight, looking better and passing us by. The OP may worry about this more than the average, but it's normal.

His "problem" arose when he noticed that his wife, who previously never showed a lot of cleavage, was wearing a lower cut blouse than she ever had before. Now ladies, correct me if I'm wrong, but you show cleavage to "show cleavage", right? I mean the lower cut isn't because they get to hot, or something, right. 

So you wear lower cleavage to get noticed more. That alone is not grounds for the husband/BF to start worrying. BUT, you have a woman that never wore lower cleavage, wear the lowest cleavage that she has in years(or ever...), while she's giving a piano lesson to a 19 year old man, that probably get an erection if he walks with too much change in his pocket.

This kid noticed. The OP noticed that the kid noticed. He got even more worried. Not about the 19 year old kid learning piano. He's worried about the 38 year old man at the store. The 40 year old personal trainer at the gym. And so on.

You ladies might find this irrational, but look at the difference in men and women. A guy can trawl a pick up bar all night and leave alone. A woman, and I'm not talking about a model, or a beauty contestant winner - regular woman. A normal mother, teacher, or accountant can walk in to the same bar, get noticed and leave with a man in hours, heck minutes.

The deck has been stacked against most of us(men) out entire lives.

Do I think that this OP over reacted? Yes.

Do I think he has a legitimate concern about his wife's new taste in cloths. Yes.

She's lost weight and she's now dressing to get more attention, to get noticed. Is she planning on starting an affair? Probably not. Do I think this could snow ball into bad behavior? I do.

I think the OP jumped the gun, but how many threads here started with "My husband/wife lost a lot of weight, then..."? Lots.

My advice to anyone that has a SO that's starting to lose weight and work out is, if you're over weight also, you should follow suite. Couples that weigh together, tend to stay together.


----------



## DanX

maritalloneliness said:


> Danx posted asking for other perspectives and boy did he get an ear full. The TAM responses have decimated his post to the point that it's laughable. When people post here, I thought it was to get help not to be brought down a notch. The man is severely insecure and facing possible betrayal in his marriage and people are making fun of him, IMO. It's no wonder he hasn't posted any updates.


So I sent my wife the link to this thread and things went from bad to worse. She wrote me she would be away for a few days to “think things over”. She won’t respond to my calls or text messages.

I used the Apple phone GPS locator to determine she is in the Sheraton Hotel. I called the front desk and they verified she is staying there. They transferred my call to her room but she did not answer. And the hotel refuses to give me her room number.


----------



## EleGirl

DanX said:


> So I sent my wife the link to this thread and things went from bad to worse. She wrote me she would be away for a few days to “think things over”. She won’t respond to my calls or text messages.
> 
> I used the Apple phone GPS locator to determine she is in the Sheraton Hotel. I called the front desk and they verified she is staying there. They transferred my call to her room but she did not answer. And the hotel refuses to give me her room number.


So you are tracking her by GPS. Does she know this?

Of course she blew up when she saw what you wrote here. Add to that a lot of the posts on this thread attacking her. Boy did you blow it.

I hope that she will come here and post because having both sides of a story always helps.


----------



## soccermom2three

After I had kids, I was overweight. I didn't dress to show off my figure. I didn't feel sexy so I didn't dress sexy. When I lost the weight, I felt sexy so I dress sexier. Doesn't mean I went out and had an affair. This thread is now officially the craziest thread I've ever read here.


----------



## EleGirl

QUOTE=lordmayhem;12390137]And you all transform this into him accusing her of trying to lure the kid into an inappropriate relationship and *calling him a Cleavage Bully.*

Unfreakingbelievable.[/QUOTE]
You have completely misunderstood this. Tub-of-lard called his wife a “cleavage bully”. Not him.



Tubbalard said:


> Post #142
> 
> How is ending up in divorce a bad thing, considering her actions? She's already committed divorce worthy behavior. Her actions speak of a bully. Divorce would just clarify who she really is. *She's a cleavage bully.* Dressing like that in front of a 19 yr old kid, then sending a husband to a fictional doghouse for questioning her not so modest clothing choices is bully behavior. She knows he's going to cower down once she yields her bullying power.


----------



## EleGirl

maritalloneliness said:


> Danx posted asking for other perspectives and boy did he get an ear full. The TAM responses have decimated his post to the point that it's laughable. When people post here, I thought it was to get help not to be brought down a notch. The man is severely insecure and facing possible betrayal in his marriage and people are making fun of him, IMO. It's no wonder he hasn't posted any updates.


Who is making fun of Dan.

Some posters found it laughable when tubbalard called his wife a "cleavage bully".

There is nothing at all indicating that is wife is cheating.


----------



## OldWolf57

waste of time advising you.


----------



## Anon Pink

DanX said:


> So I sent my wife the link to this thread and things went from bad to worse. She wrote me she would be away for a few days to “think things over”. She won’t respond to my calls or text messages.
> 
> I used the Apple phone GPS locator to determine she is in the Sheraton Hotel. I called the front desk and they verified she is staying there. They transferred my call to her room but she did not answer. And the hotel refuses to give me her room number.


Dan, if you want your wife back, you have to back the hell off!

Mrs Dan, if you're reading this, you need to be completely honest with your husband about how you feel when he gets insecure because you're looking hot and he is just starting his weight loss routine. You have to communicate with HIM. I suspect your already have, a number of times. And like a lot of men, it went I one ear and out the other. Maybe you should try writing it down?


----------



## ConanHub

I really wouldn't have thought much of her behavior but her reactions to OPs comments and concerns seem disproportionate.

I can understand getting upset with your spouse but when it is a concern about appropriate behavior with the opposite sex it should always be handled with care.

Trust is hard one and easily lost.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## OldWolf57

dude, you are NOT dealing with the same woman you married. get that thru your skull now!!


----------



## OldWolf57

I think she is getting attention, and starting to think she is too good for him now.


----------



## soccermom2three

Conan, I have a feeling that for his wife this latest incident was the straw that broke the camel's back. I think he admitted in his first post that he has been insecure for the entire marriage. Maybe she's just fed up.


----------



## OldWolf57

and now after starting to look better, she is suddenly fed up. yeah right !!

Would'nt surprise me if she just happened to have a new friend from the gym to confide in.

Keep drinking the kool aid dude.


----------



## ConanHub

soccermom2three said:


> Conan, I have a feeling that for his wife this latest incident was the straw that broke the camel's back. I think he admitted in his first post that he has been insecure for the entire marriage. Maybe she's just fed up.


Entirely possible. Some of the verbage she used and the rather explosive manner in which she used it raises concerns.

OP certainly could use some self improvement and more confidence but her reactions show very real negatives in her process.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Anon Pink

soccermom2three said:


> Conan, I have a feeling that for his wife this latest incident was the straw that broke the camel's back. I think he admitted in his first post that he has been insecure for the entire marriage. Maybe she's just fed up.


That's what I think too.

I find it VERY hard to believe it was just this one tiny incident that sent her over the edge for the past 6 weeks.


----------



## EleGirl

ConanHub said:


> I really wouldn't have thought much of her behavior but her reactions to OPs comments and concerns seem disproportionate.
> 
> I can understand getting upset with your spouse but when it is a concern about appropriate behavior with the opposite sex it should always be handled with care.
> 
> Trust is hard one and easily lost.


It's easy to see this as one, single incident because we don't have the whole story. The OP said that he has always been insecure. That's a red flag on him. My bet is that this is not an isolated incident. His wife is not here to tell us why she reacted as she did. I have a strong feeling that there is 'the rest of the story'.

I do wish that she would give us the rest of the story. Seeing both sides of an issue in a marriage can be a real eye opener.


----------



## Anon Pink

OldWolf57 said:


> and now after starting to look better, she is suddenly fed up. yeah right !!
> 
> Would'nt surprise me if she just happened to have a new friend from the gym to confide in.
> 
> Keep drinking the kool aid dude.


If she did, why was she "showing" the boy her boobs?

You guys make no sense.


----------



## ConanHub

EleGirl said:


> It's easy to see this as one, single incident because we don't have the whole story. The OP said that he has always been insecure. That's a red flag on him. My bet is that this is not an isolated incident. His wife is not here to tell us why she reacted as she did. I have a strong feeling that there is 'the rest of the story'.
> 
> I do wish that she would give us the rest of the story. Seeing both sides of an issue in a marriage can be a real eye opener.


Definitely agree with two sides here. OP has fessed up to insecurity. I'm positive from her explosive reactions that there are unresolved issues in her make up as well.

OP doesn't seem volatile or violent in manner. I could be wrong but her reactions seem overwrought.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## cgiles

OldWolf57 said:


> I think she is getting attention, and starting to think she is too good for him now.


A classic in weight loss. 

Better shape, better self esteem, decide to find someone "better" as partner.

But does this "better" partner would have accepted to smell her/his fart smell when he/she was not in shape ?


----------



## azteca1986

DanX said:


> So I sent my wife the link to this thread and things went from bad to worse. She wrote me she would be away for a few days to “think things over”. She won’t respond to my calls or text messages.


It would help (perhaps) if you expand a bit on this exchange.

How did you broach the subject of the thread?
Did she make any comments whilst she was reading?
How far into the thread did she get?
Did she already have a bag packed and ready?
What do you plan on doing?

OP the more you can tell us the better. People are jumping to conclusions.


----------



## OldWolf57

older guys attention is one thing, maybe just maybe she was testing to see if even younger guys find her attractive too.

Not saying she is doing anything, but I really smell a rat.
Seem nothing he does is good enough for her now, and a reason to escalate.

How many times have we seen this ??


----------



## Faithful Wife

Anon Pink said:


> If she did, why was she "showing" the boy her boobs?
> 
> You guys make no sense.


Well DUH Anon...because boobs. Boobs, boobs, boobs.

And you know I mean that literally.


----------



## EleGirl

Anon Pink said:


> If she did, why was she "showing" the boy her boobs?
> 
> You guys make no sense.


Easy peasy answer.. she's a cleavage bully.. you should know that by now :rofl:


----------



## EleGirl

cgiles said:


> A classic in weight loss.
> 
> Better shape, better self esteem, decide to find someone "better" as partner.
> 
> But does this "better" partner would have accepted to smell her/his fart smell when he/she was not in shape ?


A lot of people lose weight, get healthier and in better shape and do not cheat.

Just because some people cheat does not mean that all do.

We know next to nothing about this situation. But I guess it does not stop people from doing the normal CWI jump on the cheating band wagon.


----------



## azteca1986

cgiles said:


> A classic in weight loss.
> 
> Better shape, better self esteem, decide to find someone "better" as partner.


The simplest way to combat that is to follow the same process; get in shape, improve your self-esteem and become the better partner.


----------



## Faithful Wife

DanX...if you are for real, then I would be happy to talk to you about what is going on with your wife. Because in fact, my husband does tell me how to dress, and I actually LOVE it! It is a fun game we play, and if my boobs are way to accessible visually to anyone, my husband makes me change my clothes.

I understand that the thought of this will make some women (and maybe some men) sick, like "wtf girl, why would you let a man tell you how to dress!" But there is a very specific reason why I do let him tell me how to dress.

If you would like to know what that reason is, you can start a new thread in the ladies section and I will talk about the topic in a general way there. I won't post like that here in CWI, because this section just gets too out of control and it would be a threadjack anyway.


----------



## tech-novelist

I think this is going to be a classic thread.


----------



## LonelyinLove

My H posted on here about me a few months back, and I was a regular here long before he knew TAM existed.

He's lucky to still be alive.....just say'in.


----------



## Tubbalard

Anon Pink said:


> Who are you trying to convince?
> 
> You've made you opinion known so why are you arguing the same point over and over? I jumped into this thread because, once again, the bitter brotherhood were railroading another hapless husband into making grave mistakes.
> 
> You've said your piece. I've said mine.


You made a mistake. That post wasn't directed towards you. But let's not get so worked up and have emotional outbursts based on differing view points. I'll continue to say my piece as you will continue yours. Love and respect.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## lifeistooshort

OldWolf57 said:


> and now after starting to look better, she is suddenly fed up. yeah right !!
> 
> Would'nt surprise me if she just happened to have a new friend from the gym to confide in.
> 
> Keep drinking the kool aid dude.


Or maybe OP was less than supportive of her efforts to lose weight and possible even sabotaged her, and she's now got that resentment on top of 25 years of dealing with his insecurities. It's not unusual for one spouse to sabotage the other's fitness efforts, especially when they are heavy and out of shape themselves. They don't like the idea that their spouse is going to be hotter than them. Especially if they're really insecure. Like this OP.


----------



## PhillyGuy13

This thread is now up to 18 pages. Questions and clarifications are asked for from OP but largely go unanswered. Instead, we get an occasional crumb of an update.

So for that reason, I'm out.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## lifeistooshort

PhillyGuy13 said:


> This thread is now up to 18 pages. Questions and clarifications are asked for from OP but largely go unanswered. Instead, we get an occasional crumb of an update.
> 
> So for that reason, I'm out.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yep, I'm thinking the same thing. It has been entertaining tough


----------



## TheFlood117

Oh, this is quite simple. OP start flirting and hitting on other chicks, preferably younger. 


See, how that suits her. 

What's the worse that can happen?? You're already in the dog house. What's the worse that can happen at this point, lol. 


Try that. See what happens. 


Or continue to be the classic "oh why me, oh how could this happen to me" type of married guy. 

*Also, start doing your own thing, without her approval nor input. Just do whatever you want to do.*


----------



## LonelyinLove

DanX said:


> So I sent my wife the link to this thread and things went from bad to worse. She wrote me she would be away for a few days to “think things over”. She won’t respond to my calls or text messages.
> 
> I used the Apple phone GPS locator to determine she is in the Sheraton Hotel. I called the front desk and they verified she is staying there. They transferred my call to her room but she did not answer. And the hotel refuses to give me her room number.


I'm pretty sure you were advised against this very thing. If she is unfamiliar with a site like this, she will feel exposed, embarrassed and humiliated.

WTH were you thinking? 

And now you are tracking her phone? 

Dude, you are in serious trouble. 

You essentially accused your faithful, school teacher wife of 25 years of trying to seduce a 19 yr old student in front of your face. When she explodes, rightly, you take your troubles to a website (and that's fine) like TAM...and then SHOW HER the posting so she can see all the "she's cheating, buy a VAR, Key-logger, etc" posts (and least we forget....cleavage bully).

I hope she didn't notice you posted this in "Coping with Infidelity". 

:scratchhead:


----------



## Lila

I'm not convinced that any of the OP's story is true but regardless, it has been one of the more entertaining threads on TAM, especially because of some of the responses. 

I find it incredibly ironic that usually the first bit of advice given to many of the "nice guys" who come to TAM is to get in shape, dress better and more youthful, change their look, "peac0ck", and increase preselection to gain their wives attention. OP's wife has done the exact same thing and people are calling her a cheater. For all we know, she's over on the MMSLP forum complaining that her MAP, which includes getting fit and exhibiting displays of High Value (looking hot), have backfired and the increase in preselection is making her husband accuse her of improper behavior.:wtf:

Folks, if it's good for the goose, it's good for the gander.


----------



## Maria Canosa Gargano

Lila said:


> I'm not convinced that any of the OP's story is true but regardless, it has been one of the more entertaining threads on TAM, especially because of some of the responses.
> 
> I find it incredibly ironic that usually the first bit of advice given to many of the "nice guys" who come to TAM is to get in shape, dress better and more youthful, change their look, "peac0ck", and increase preselection to gain their wives attention. OP's wife has done the exact same thing and people are calling her a cheater. For all we know, she's over on the MMSLP forum complaining that her MAP, which includes getting fit and exhibiting displays of High Value (looking hot), have backfired and the increase in preselection is making her husband accuse her of improper behavior.:wtf:
> 
> Folks, if it's good for the goose, it's good for the gander.


I no longer think this thread is real. That last post seemed a bit contrived.

It does show us much more about us than it does about this poster.


----------



## Lostinthought61

"Something is rotten in the state of Denmark" i will state another quote from Hamlet, if this be real thread, i have a problem with the OP wife blowing up like she has...something is not right....his behavior would not warrant the wife staying at a hotel. more to come i am sure


----------



## LonelyinLove

Maria Canosa Gargano said:


> I no longer think this thread is real. That last post seemed a bit contrived.


Maybe the sole purpose of this thread was so the terms "cleavage bully" and "Piano Vixen" could be introduced to the TAM vernacular....


----------



## Maria Canosa Gargano

LonelyinLove said:


> Maybe the sole purpose of this thread was so the terms "cleavage bully" and "Piano Vixen" could be introduced to the TAM vernacular....


:rofl::rofl:


----------



## LonelyinLove

Changed my siggie line....


----------



## 2asdf2

LonelyinLove said:


> Changed my siggie line....


Your avatar needs to reflect your new status.


----------



## Chaparral

EleGirl said:


> A lot of people lose weight, get healthier and in better shape and do not cheat.
> 
> Just because some people cheat does not mean that all do.
> 
> We know next to nothing about this situation. But I guess it does not stop people from doing the normal CWI jump on the cheating band wagon.


Would you happen to be familiar with the statistics showing what happens to marriages when a woman gets a boob job?

How about the statistics showing what happens to a marriage when a woman gets a gastric by pass?


----------



## Anon Pink

Chaparral said:


> Would you happen to be familiar with the statistics showing what happens to marriages when a woman gets a boob job?
> 
> How about the statistics showing what happens to a marriage when a woman gets a gastric by pass?


:banghead:

By this logic, no husband anywhere should ever allow his wife to lose weight, alter her appearance, or do anything that might cause a rise in self esteem.

Or we could flip your logic.

When a wife looses weight or alters her appearance to feel better about herself, a wise husband would step things up in the romance department and also make himself more attractive.

Conversely, all married couples should slowly gain weight and never lose it, keep the same clothing style they had when they got married and never update it, allow middle age to be most evident in everything you do, and become the most boring people on the planet.


----------



## Yeswecan

Chaparral said:


> Would you happen to be familiar with the statistics showing what happens to marriages when a woman gets a boob job?
> 
> How about the statistics showing what happens to a marriage when a woman gets a gastric by pass?


I doubt we will find statistics on these two items, however, the probability of getting attention with a new set of girls or dropping some weight are statistically high. Keep in mind this is impromptu research conducted without an control group.


----------



## Yeswecan

Anon Pink said:


> :banghead:
> 
> By this logic, no husband anywhere should ever allow his wife to lose weight, alter her appearance, or do anything that might cause a rise in self esteem.
> 
> Or we could flip your logic.
> 
> When a wife looses weight or alters her appearance to feel better about herself, a wise husband would step things up in the romance department and also make himself more attractive.
> 
> Conversely, all married couples should slowly gain weight and never lose it, keep the same clothing style they had when they got married and never update it, allow middle age to be most evident in everything you do, and become the most boring people on the planet.


:rofl:

I guess this would be "comfortable in my own skin" kind of thinking.


----------



## Chaparral

Anon Pink said:


> :banghead:
> 
> By this logic, no husband anywhere should ever allow his wife to lose weight, alter her appearance, or do anything that might cause a rise in self esteem.
> 
> Or we could flip your logic.
> 
> When a wife looses weight or alters her appearance to feel better about herself, a wise husband would step things up in the romance department and also make himself more attractive.
> 
> Conversely, all married couples should slowly gain weight and never lose it, keep the same clothing style they had when they got married and never update it, allow middle age to be most evident in everything you do, and become the most boring people on the planet.



There were two questions. You answered neither of them yet you attacked the logic. That's illogical.


----------



## gouge_away

DanX said:


> So I sent my wife the link to this thread and things went from bad to worse. She wrote me she would be away for a few days to “think things over”. She won’t respond to my calls or text messages.
> 
> I used the Apple phone GPS locator to determine she is in the Sheraton Hotel. I called the front desk and they verified she is staying there. They transferred my call to her room but she did not answer. And the hotel refuses to give me her room number.


She is now punishing you for asking others if you are crazy?

WIFE, STOP... YOUR PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE FLIGHT RESPONSE IS ONLY MAKING YOUR HUSBAND MORE INSECURE.

You are punishing him for having a feeling, and his feeling isn't being validated. Your behaviour right now is the cause of his insecurity, not the clothes you wear.

DANX, I AM PRAYING FOR YOU AND YOUR WIFE, IM GOING TO DO SOME "THINKING," AS WELL, GODLY DISCERNMENT THINKING.


----------



## tech-novelist

I'm sorry to say that this behavior on her part has raised my estimate of the likelihood of her cheating on you, i.e., at least an EA, to about 95%.


----------



## gouge_away

> Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.


Short term separation is encouraged in Christian marriages to seek Godly discernment in marital crisis.

It is not for seeking what is outside of the marriage.

Let that lay on her heart.




technovelist said:


> I'm sorry to say that this behavior on her part has raised my estimate of the likelihood of her cheating on you, i.e., at least an EA, to about 95%.


----------



## Decorum

DanX,

Insecurity is often a self fulfilling prophecy and your case can be pointed to as proving that axiomatic.

Also this attitude (Pridfulness)...


DanX said:


> I have nothing to hide. I plan to send her a link to this thread.


...is risky because it is blind to the reality of the law of unintended consequences. You need to get a grip.

You can no longer afford to pendulum between insecurity and blind pridefulness.

Whether she has been detaching or not, connecting with another man (emotionally/physically) or not, you need to do some clean up work here.

Here is what I think that looks like.

"I realize that as a result of my insecurity I put a stumbling block in front of you and that has resulted in a root of bitterness springing up in our marriage. I have to take responsibility for that and I deeply regret putting you in that position. I acknowledge that these are my issues to work on before God, and I was wrong to put them on you. I can only acknowledge my wrong and ask for your forgiveness. I know you are working through was has happened and I want you to know I understand and respect your need to do that."

After that SAY NO MORE!!! Don't explain, cry, beg, hover or push for a reply, just say your peace and walk away.

Do I have to tell you that it takes some time for a woman to change course, like the barges down here on the Ohio River, they need time and gentile pressure. 

Let your words work, and stop making excuses and go join a Gym.


I wish you well.
Take care!


----------



## Decorum

Once you have made a genuine apology for your craziness and taken responsibility for the damage you have caused, you have done everything a man can to to make it right. 

You are back in a position of strength and can act from your strength and confidence. That means working on your issues, not being a doormat, and even calling her our on her behavior if necessary.

You have a right to live, have self respect, and hope for a better future, no one gives that to you. You have to face the possibility that your future may not significantly include her, and you have to make peace with that.

You cannot live your life to win her back, you will only accomplish the opposite. There is more to say but I think you need to act on this first.
Take care.


----------



## Anon Pink

Chaparral said:


> There were two questions. You answered neither of them yet you attacked the logic. That's illogical.


Oh now Chap, did you think you could post rhetorical questions and fool someone into answering them? (That's a rhetorical question BTW.) They're not supposed to be answered, they are supposed to represent obvious facts that the listener might not be attuned to. (And that was the obvious answer to the rhetorical question.)


----------



## DanX

technovelist said:


> I'm sorry to say that this behavior on her part has raised my estimate of the likelihood of her cheating on you, i.e., at least an EA, to about 95%.


Sadly, it is 100%. The nightmare continues. I have not had much sleep so this may not make sense.

I called the hotel and determined my wife checked out. I called the school but she called in sick today. And she has turned her phone off so I have no way to locate her.

I decided to do some investigating. She has her computer with her. But her documents and pictures are backup up to the “cloud”. I guess she was sloppy and forgot how all this information was on the cloud. I found quite a few “selfies” of her – including topless ones.

So I guess she was showing that 19 year old kid more than just cleavage. I am 100% sure now she is having an affair with him. I feel so naive.

I am tired of being played the fool. I sent via text message the evidence I have to both the kid and my wife. I am tired of lying and denials. My wife’s phone is off, but the kid responded that he did know what I was talking about. He played dumb like I am an idiot. I texted him to stay the Hell away from my wife.

Anyway, I am done apologizing. My wife is the one who owes me an apology.


----------



## soccermom2three

How do you know she sent them to the 19 year old?

(I guess the thread was dying down huh?)


----------



## Tobyboy

Check phone records online to see who she's been calling and texting. You may have wrong the person.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## norajane

soccermom2three said:


> How do you know she sent them to the 19 year old?
> 
> (I guess the thread was dying down huh?)


And how did you get into her cloud without a password since she has her computer with her?


----------



## tech-novelist

DanX said:


> Sadly, it is 100%. The nightmare continues. I have not had much sleep so this may not make sense.
> 
> I called the hotel and determined my wife checked out. I called the school but she called in sick today. And she has turned her phone off so I have no way to locate her.
> 
> I decided to do some investigating. She has her computer with her. But her documents and pictures are backup up to the “cloud”. I guess she was sloppy and forgot how all this information was on the cloud. I found quite a few “selfies” of her – including topless ones.
> 
> So I guess she was showing that 19 year old kid more than just cleavage. I am 100% sure now she is having an affair with him. I feel so naive.
> 
> I am tired of being played the fool. I sent via text message the evidence I have to both the kid and my wife. I am tired of lying and denials. My wife’s phone is off, but the kid responded that he did know what I was talking about. He played dumb like I am an idiot. I texted him to stay the Hell away from my wife.
> 
> Anyway, I am done apologizing. My wife is the one who owes me an apology.


I was going to say 100% but didn't want to come across as arrogant.

Sorry to hear it, man.


----------



## tech-novelist

lifeistooshort said:


> I have to say this is one of the more successful troll threads I've seen. Well done!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Why are you sure it is a troll thread? Because no 19-year-old guy would be interested in a 50-year-old woman? A number of guys have explained that is an incorrect assumption.


----------



## lordmayhem

I don't know too many 19 year olds that wouldn't want to bang some hot cougar/MILF.


----------



## cgiles

norajane said:


> And how did you get into her cloud without a password since she has her computer with her?


Dropbox, by example, have a software which keep a synchronised folder with the cloud. It can be synchronised with several PCs.


----------



## norajane

cgiles said:


> Dropbox, by example, have a software which keep a synchronised folder with the cloud. It can be synchronised with several PCs.


Can be, but his computer wouldn't synchronize with her files unless she had allowed that, or he was able to log into her account. If it's his computer, it's not one of her devices, so I wouldn't expect her files to sync with his device automatically. I'm curious how a regular guy hacked into someone else's cloud. I'm sure a lot of people in CWI would want to know that.


----------



## MarriedDude

wow...this just keeps going. 

Cleavage Bullies running amok
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Anon Pink

Good lord this just keeps getting more and more absurd.


----------



## yeah_right

The Cleavage Bully has left the building...move along, folks.


----------



## Anon Pink

technovelist said:


> Why are you sure it is a troll thread? Because no 19-year-old guy would be interested in a 50-year-old woman? A number of guys have explained that is an incorrect assumption.





lordmayhem said:


> I don't know too many 19 year olds that wouldn't want to bang some hot cougar/MILF.


Why do you assume that just because a kid would want to bang a woman, a woman would be willing to bang a kid?

I want you therefor you must want me?

Cough hairball cough.


----------



## MattMatt

Oh, dear. some people on TAM seems to have Selective Memory Failure Syndrome.... 

Husband admitted shooting wife's teen lover - USATODAY.com

Pamela Smart's teen lover who killed her husband gets parole

NAVY RESERVIST MURDERED BY CHEATING WIFE'S TEEN-AGE LOVER


----------



## gouge_away

So anyway, off topic...

I've given it much thought, find a hobby, improve upon yourself, do something you always wanted to do before you got married.

I always wanted to learn how to play the piano.


----------



## OldWolf57

case closed.


----------



## Tubbalard

Well....well, well, well...All is quiet in the land of CWI. I would like to give a round of applause to chapparal, technovelist, lordmayhem, weightlifter, workindad, jsmart, oldwolf, mattmatt, sportsfan, and anyone else that I forgot for being able to(as one member so poignantly said) "smell a rat" and by golly did you guys ever. Honorable mention to Maria for a maintaining a neutral position.

Your hunches, notions, antennae's and spidey senses were all disregarded as being bitter, and you were castigated as a bitter brotherhood.

What more can I say? You guys are truly wise. Your advice and thoughts are sage like. 

-Tubbalardcrates-


----------



## phillybeffandswiss

Soooooooo, mysterious discovery of topless pictures found. 

Kind of funny, at the moment of my post, with the not so subtle hints of "look under the bridge" the likes in this thread total "666."


----------



## Nucking Futs

Lila said:


> I'm not convinced that any of the OP's story is true but regardless, it has been one of the more entertaining threads on TAM, especially because of some of the responses.
> 
> I find it incredibly ironic that usually the first bit of advice given to many of the "nice guys" who come to TAM is to get in shape, dress better and more youthful, change their look, "peac0ck", and increase preselection to gain their wives attention. OP's wife has done the exact same thing and people are calling her a cheater. For all we know, she's over on the MMSLP forum complaining that her MAP, which includes getting fit and exhibiting displays of High Value (looking hot), have backfired and the increase in preselection is making her husband accuse her of improper behavior.:wtf:
> 
> *Folks, if it's good for the goose, it's good for the gander.*


Let me just respond to this logic with these two words: prostate exam.


----------



## lordmayhem

Lila said:


> I'm not convinced that any of the OP's story is true but regardless, it has been one of the more entertaining threads on TAM, especially because of some of the responses.
> 
> I find it incredibly ironic that usually the first bit of advice given to many of the "nice guys" who come to TAM is to get in shape, dress better and more youthful, change their look, "peac0ck", and increase preselection to gain their wives attention. OP's wife has done the exact same thing and people are calling her a cheater. For all we know, she's over on the MMSLP forum complaining that her MAP, which includes getting fit and exhibiting displays of High Value (looking hot), have backfired and the increase in preselection is making her husband accuse her of improper behavior.:wtf:
> 
> Folks, if it's good for the goose, it's good for the gander.


You do realize this is given to betrayed husband's right? You know, after infidelity? That's part of the self improvement tips for a BH to up his game and change himself, instead of being the live in babysitter. 

And there are a few BW threads here and other forums where the WH all of a sudden started working working out, losing weight, dressing good....then come to find out its for the OW. Go to SI and see the threads there. This is usually a red flag. This occurs because the WS wants to look good for the OM/OW. It's not a gender thing.....ITS A CHEATER THING.


----------



## EleGirl

DanX said:


> Sadly, it is 100%. The nightmare continues. I have not had much sleep so this may not make sense.
> 
> I called the hotel and determined my wife checked out. I called the school but she called in sick today. And she has turned her phone off so I have no way to locate her.
> 
> I decided to do some investigating. She has her computer with her. But her documents and pictures are backup up to the “cloud”. I guess she was sloppy and forgot how all this information was on the cloud. I found quite a few “selfies” of her – including topless ones.
> 
> So I guess she was showing that 19 year old kid more than just cleavage. I am 100% sure now she is having an affair with him. I feel so naive.
> 
> I am tired of being played the fool. I sent via text message the evidence I have to both the kid and my wife. I am tired of lying and denials. My wife’s phone is off, but the kid responded that he did know what I was talking about. He played dumb like I am an idiot. I texted him to stay the Hell away from my wife.
> 
> Anyway, I am done apologizing. My wife is the one who owes me an apology.


What proof do you have that she sent those pictures to anyone, much less that kid?

You have made yet another huge mistake. Acting rashly time after time with no proof. Simply because a picture exists, it does not mean that she has sent it to anyone. 

On top of that you tipped your hand before you had enough to prove things one way or the other.

So far there has been cleavage-gate, you gave her a link to this thread where some posters are saying horrible things about your wife (a woman they do not even know), now you send her picture to her student... yet you still have no proof of an affair.


What a disaster.


----------



## EleGirl

lordmayhem said:


> You do realize this is given to betrayed husband's right? You know, after infidelity? That's part of the self improvement tips for a BH to up his game and change himself, instead of being the live in babysitter.


That advise is given to just about every man who comes to TAM complaining that he is not happy in his marriage. It's not only given to men who know for a fact that their wife is cheating.



lordmayhem said:


> And there are a few BW threads here and other forums where the WH all of a sudden started working working out, losing weight, dressing good....then come to find out its for the OW. Go to SI and see the threads there. This is usually a red flag. This occurs because the WS wants to look good for the OM/OW. It's not a gender thing.....ITS A CHEATER THING.


It is probably true that a good percentage of the people who cheat start to take better care of themselves.

But that does not mean that the vast majority of people who wake up and start losing weight and take better care of themselves are cheaters.


----------



## Decorum

I don't know what to think anymore, but if its true then is has a shelf life, thank God. I'm out.


----------



## soccermom2three

MattMatt said:


> Oh, dear. some people on TAM seems to have Selective Memory Failure Syndrome....
> 
> Husband admitted shooting wife's teen lover - USATODAY.com
> 
> Pamela Smart's teen lover who killed her husband gets parole
> 
> NAVY RESERVIST MURDERED BY CHEATING WIFE'S TEEN-AGE LOVER


The first link wouldn't open for me but Pamela Smart was 22 and the other women in the third article was 26. Both not even close to 50.


----------



## lordmayhem

Anon Pink said:


> Why do you assume that just because a kid would want to bang a woman, a woman would be willing to bang a kid?
> 
> I want you therefor you must want me?
> 
> Cough hairball cough.


You're absolutely right of course. There aren't any cougars out there that would be attracted to young, hot studs. 

Cougar


----------



## Faithful Wife

(ps....don't look at my cleavage I'm just trying to watch the action, pervs!)


----------



## EleGirl

MattMatt said:


> Oh, dear. some people on TAM seems to have Selective Memory Failure Syndrome....
> 
> Husband admitted shooting wife's teen lover - USATODAY.com


The wife was 29.



MattMatt said:


> Pamela Smart's teen lover who killed her husband gets parole


The wife was 22.


MattMatt said:


> NAVY RESERVIST MURDERED BY CHEATING WIFE'S TEEN-AGE LOVER


The wife was 25.


----------



## EleGirl

lordmayhem said:


> You're absolutely right of course. There aren't any cougars out there that would be attracted to young, hot studs.
> 
> Cougar


For a 50 year old woman.. she's a "cougar" if she dates a 30 year old man. The term does not means that the guy has to be a teenager.

Yes there are some older women who date younger guys.

When I was 29 I dated a 19 year old for a few weeks... good lord he was a kid. No, we never had sex. It never got that far because he was sooooo immature. I could not take the kid factor. Most women cannot.


----------



## turnera

DanX said:


> You are right. Men do look at attractive women. And even though my wife lost weight, she still has larger breasts. It just seems like now she seems to display more cleavage than she did previously.
> 
> My thought process is – why is she displaying more cleavage? Doesn't she know men will look? And why would she want that if she is happy with me?


You already know the answer. She turned 50 and is feeling old. She needed - SHE needed - to know she is still attractive, so that SHE doesn't feel bad. But when she does what it takes to still look attractive, YOU turn it around to being something wrong with her. In other words, you shamed her when she was already feeling shameful just for getting old.

Assuming she wasn't actually cheating, of course.


----------



## turnera

DanX said:


> Sadly, it is 100%.
> 
> I found quite a few “selfies” of her – including topless ones.
> 
> *So I guess* she was showing that 19 year old kid more than just cleavage. *I am 100% sure* now she is having an affair *with him.* I feel so naive.


Seriously?

You found topless pictures she had taken of herself - a 50-year-old woman having a midlife crisis and obsessing about her looks married to a jealous insecure man for 25 years, AFTER you track her and then call the hotel to verify she is where she says she is, you found NO EVIDENCE that she sent them to ANYONE, let alone this kid, and you go and not only accuse her, but then _humiliate her_ by accusing HIM?

Whoo daddy, have you stepped in it now.


----------



## Graywolf2

EleGirl said:


> What proof do you have that she sent those pictures to anyone, much less that kid? You have made yet another huge mistake. Acting rashly time after time with no proof. Simply because a picture exists, it does not mean that she has sent it to anyone. On top of that you tipped your hand before you had enough to prove things one way or the other.


:iagree::iagree::iagree:



DanX said:


> But her documents and pictures are backup up to the “cloud”. I guess she was sloppy and forgot how all this information was on the cloud. I found quite a few “selfies” of her – including topless ones.


Those “documents” better be damn unambiguous. A piano teaching church lady having an affair with a student younger than her kids would be quite a scandal. Also she’s the type of woman who would care about her reputation more than most. 

She will go to her grave telling everyone that she’s innocent of everything you don’t have absolute proof of. If your evidence is circumstantial she will divorce you and tell everyone it’s because you’re crazy. 

This is what she will say about the photos: “I was so proud of losing the weight and how good I looked that I took pictures of myself. They were kind of a trophy and I locked them up where no one would see them but me. Then my crazy husband invaded my privacy and found them.” 



DanX said:


> I sent via text message the evidence I have to both the kid and my wife.


I know that felt good but it was stupid. They already knew what they did. Now they know all that you know and how you got it. Now they can tailor a story that fits what you know. 

If you have proof that they were together once then they were together only once. They will also change their method of communication.

Think before you act.

She’s obviously proud of her boobs that stayed big while she got smaller. She took photos of them and obviously wore the low cut stuff to get a reaction from the kid. I’ll give you that but nothing else may have happened.

*What did the documents say?*


----------



## Hardtohandle

My biggest issue here is the wife taking pictures of her breast.. 

After 50 Years, she doesn't know what her breast look like ?

Is this some sort of new internet/email mammography exam thing, I don't know about ?

Just about every person that the vice unit arrest for chatting with a fake undercover minor sends a picture of their penis.. why do I know, because I'm the guy that has to find that pic and email on the defendants computer or phone or whatever device they bring into me to search..

I just don't believe anyone would take a picture of their private parts, just to take them.. It is usually to send to someone else.. 

I know I am being hypocritical here and contradictory when I say this, but to think otherwise is a bit naive and wishful thinking its something else.. 

It might not be this 19 year old, but I would say it definitely is someone beyond the mammography internet doctor..


----------



## Faithful Wife

Hardtohandle said:


> My biggest issue here is the wife taking pictures of her breast..
> 
> After 50 Years, she doesn't know what her breast look like ?
> 
> Is this some sort of new internet/email mammography exam thing, I don't know about ?
> 
> Just about every person that the vice unit arrest for chatting with a fake undercover minor sends a picture of their penis.. why do I know, because I'm the guy that has to find that pic and email on the defendants computer or phone or whatever device they bring into me to search..
> 
> I just don't believe anyone would take a picture of their private parts, just to take them.. It is usually to send to someone else..
> 
> I know I am being hypocritical here and contradictory when I say this, but to think otherwise is a bit naive and wishful thinking its something else..
> 
> It might not be this 19 year old, but I would say it definitely is someone beyond the mammography internet doctor..


I have dozens of pictures of my own boobs on my phone, just for me. Sometimes I send them to my husband. I usually delete them after a few days if I don't send them to him. But then I take more. They're fabulous!

Lots of guys have pics of their own peens in similar manner.

I'm not saying people don't send them to each other, too....they do. Everyone of my single girlfriends gets peen pics, whether they want them or not, and every one is asked for boob or other pics. 

Yes, married people send naughty pics when they shouldn't, also.

Whether this story is actually real or not is what I'm wondering.


----------



## jsmart

Hardtohandle said:


> My biggest issue here is the wife taking pictures of her breast..
> 
> After 50 Years, she doesn't know what her breast look like ?
> 
> Is this some sort of new internet/email mammography exam thing, I don't know about ?
> 
> Just about every person that the vice unit arrest for chatting with a fake undercover minor sends a picture of their penis.. why do I know, because I'm the guy that has to find that pic and email on the defendants computer or phone or whatever device they bring into me to search..
> 
> I just don't believe anyone would take a picture of their private parts, just to take them.. It is usually to send to someone else..
> 
> I know I am being hypocritical here and contradictory when I say this, but to think otherwise is a bit naive and wishful thinking its something else..
> 
> *It might not be this 19 year old, *but I would say it definitely is someone beyond the mammography internet doctor..


OP focusing on kid but it could be a co-worker or someone at the gym she is seeing. 

Just thinking about myself at 19. A 30 year old would've seemed too old let alone a 50? It would be disgusting but then you read about all these teachers, and his wife is a teacher. One of the careers that is known to be filled with WWs. 

Regardless she definitely wasn't sexting hubby.


----------



## DoneWithHurting

heck, my 50+ wife is smokin' hot and if I were 19 I'd want to bang her.

AND if I were an unattractive ****, I bet she'd want to bang a hot and ready 19 year old with a six pack and bulging biceps. Or maybe someone at that gym. Just sayin'

Wife is acting very guilty running away and being all pissy.

BTW - if they have Mac computers and have the same icloud account, they share everything that's setup to share... pics, mail, urls, notes, chats etc.


----------



## Graywolf2

jsmart said:


> OP focusing on kid but it could be a co-worker or someone at the gym she is seeing.
> 
> Just thinking about myself at 19. A 30 year old would've seemed too old let alone a 50? .


I’m 19 and she’s a 50 year old woman that weighs 110 pounds and has a great rack. Plus I know her and am quite comfortable with her. She’s offering me free sex and probably can’t get pregnant. Church lady with low chance of STDs. Why would I want that? :scratchhead:

_OLD JOKE: 

80 year old married couple. Husband confesses that he’s been having an affair with a 20 year old. Wife says don’t feel guilty. I’ve been having an affair with a 20 year old too. And 20 goes into 80 more than 80 goes into 20._


----------



## Tubbalard

It's funny how people are refusing to believe that a 50yr old woman would ever like a 19yr old or that this is rare bigfoot occurence. This happens all the time. There are many 19-20 yr old guys that look like they're 25 some even older. There are many women that are on the prowl for a boyish looking man. These Divorced/Separated 50 year old women are prime candidates. It's a plethora of 50yr women that look about 37-42 that can put a young 25 tenderoni to shame.

Hulk Hogan's ex wife at around 50 was dating a 19yr old openly. This was not a secret bedroom encounter. She was openly flaunting her young cub.

40-50 is a sexual prime for women. When I was in my young days I knocked off a couple of golden girls myself. Trust and believe these 50yr old yoga pants wearing cougar prowlers are tazmanian devils in the bedroom. No inhibitions at all. They can take a pounding. This is why they go for the young guns.

You can test this theory out yourself. You can catfish up a profile of a teen stud on tinder and Pof, and you'll get, if not one, a few cougars that's hunting for her buck.

Just like you have trophy wives you have Trophy d!ck. A 50yr old man is still going to be sexually attracted to a young beautiful 20-25 yr old. A 50yr old woman is going to be sexually attracted to a studly 20-25 yr old. The only difference is that women can't express their sexuality as openly for fear of looking like a female pejorative.

It's funny how some women complain about how a female can't express her sexuality, but when a "taboo" subject of Older women young man comes up, they're like, "No 50yr old woman wants a kid", "This doesn't happen" etc. etc. Well, yes it does happen, more frequently than you think.


----------



## EleGirl

Tubbalard said:


> It's funny how people are refusing to believe that a 50yr old woman would never like a 19yr old or that this is rare bigfoot occurence. This happens all the time. There are many 19-20 yr old guys that look like they're 25 some even older. There are many women that are on the prowl for a boyish looking man. These Divorced/Separated 50 year old women are prime candidates. It's a plethora of 50yr women that look about 37-42 that can put a young 25 tenderoni to shame.
> 
> Hulk Hogan's ex wife at around 50 was dating a 19yr old openly. This was not a secret bedroom encounter. She was openly flaunting her young cub.
> 
> 40-50 is a sexual prime for women. When I was in my young days I knocked off a couple of golden girls myself. Trust and believe these 50yr old yoga pants wearing cougar prowlers are tazmanian devils in the bedroom. No inhibitions at all. They can take a pounding. This is why they go for the young guns.
> 
> You can test this theory out yourself. You can catfish up a profile of a teen stud on tinder and Pof, and you'll get, if not one, a few cougars that's hunting for her buck.
> 
> Just like you have trophy wives you have Trophy d!ck. A 50yr old man is still going to be sexually attracted to a young beautiful 20-25 yr old. A 50yr old woman is going to be sexually attracted to a studly 20-25 yr old. The only difference is that women can't express their sexuality as openly for fear of looking like a female pejorative.
> 
> It's funny how some women complain about how a female can't express her sexuality, but when a "taboo" subject of Older women young man comes up, they're like, "No 50yr old woman wants a kid", "This doesn't happen" etc. etc. Well, yes it does happen, more frequently than you think.


No, you do not understand what the women here are saying.

Sure there are some 50ish women who will like 19 year olds.

Most 50ish women would not like 19 years olds.

What we are saying is that the OP's assumption that his wife is being a cleavage bully and cheating with the 19 year old, with no evidence way over the top.

His sending her bare picture to her husband his completely uncalled for.


----------



## Roselyn

Woman here, 57 years old, 35 years ongoing married, & university professor. Your wife is wanting attention and is getting it from this 19 years old. Don't feel bad about calling her out on her inappropriate appearance. She definitely is displaying her sexual charms. 

I don't know what to tell you about handling your wife. You might need the assistance of a psychologist. In my line of work, there are so many crushes of younger male students towards their so called "hot" professors. I look so much younger than my age and my husband says that I am pretty. I personally don't take stock on being pretty; I'd rather be smart and wise. I avoid "sexy" clothing.

Your wife lost 50 lbs., changed her wardrobe, and colored her hair to a blonde. This signals that she has a change of outlook in her life. You need to talk to her about her present behavior. She's definitely trolling for attention.


----------



## Tubbalard

Good points. Im glad you brought that up. I don't buy the notion that most 50yr olds don't like 19yr olds. First we have establish, what does a 19yr old look like? I think this age gap has been socially conditioned to not like each other. But sexually I don't buy it. If a 50yr old is hot enough to compete with a 25 yr old, I believe their would be a high percentage of these women taking the plunge. Since most 50yr olds, due to father time are not able compete with younger woman or just plainly dont appeal to these young bucks, they discard any notion gaining favor with a young buck. But that doesnt mean they dont like them, there's just built up conditioning to not pursue.

With surgical enhancements, creams, botox, financial independence there are more older women defying the quintessential look of their age. The cougar movement is getting stronger by the day. There is still societal pressure among women not to showcase their sexuality.

Are you basing that Danx wife sending pictures is over the top due to the age gap only, or by him having no evidence? I dont see anything over the top. I think some believe this story is incredulous due to a 50yr old possibly pursuing a 19yr old. But if the man was 45 yrs old, I dont think some would have found it over the top for a possibility of cheating.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## gouge_away

My wife is in her mid 40s, and gets hit on by early 20s all the time. Because young men think an older woman is less challenging.


----------



## Personal

Tubbalard said:


> DanX said:
> 
> 
> 
> Sort of like this:
> 
> Sexy Low Cut Scoop Neck Cleavage Baby Slimming Basic Tee Shirt Black s M L XL | eBay
> 
> 
> 
> No way in HELL, your wife should be wearing that around the little lad. Why didn't you stop her in the middle of the session and tell her take it off and put on something more appropriate?
Click to expand...

I can't imagine why you or anyone else for that matter would consider such clothing to be inappropriate or particularly egregious. It's just a top! What on earth is the big deal?

That said DanX, if you verbally berate and embarrass your wife in the manner that Tubbalard recommends I can assure you there will be no marital benefit to such an approach.


----------



## hehasmyheart

My first thought is I would be completely offended if anyone even slightly insinuated that I would be inappropriate with a 19 year old. (I'm 43)

On the other hand, I would feel creepy showing a lot of cleavage around a 19 year old. It sounds like she's a bit naive thinking that 19 year old isn't checking out the cleavage. Naturally, he would be.

In other words, I can see your point of view, as well as hers.

Write her a heartfelt letter, explaining that you're insecure because you know how beautiful she is and love her so much. Tell her what a wonderful wife and mother she's been, and how grateful you are. Leave a single pink rose on top of it, just for effect. Leave it for her when you will be apart for a while, so she can think about it.

Don't express how you feel unattractive....ever. In fact, exert more confidence. It will be much more attractive to her.

Keep in mind, most older women don't go after younger boys. She might just enjoy his company. There's nothing wrong with that.

I think there's nothing going on here. It's in your head, because you are insecure that she's improved herself.


----------



## Hardtohandle

Faithful Wife said:


> Whether this story is actually real or not is what I'm wondering.


:iagree:

My GF snapped pics of me nude while half asleep.. I let her keep them for a few hours but then ask her to delete them.. 

I have seen and dealt with TOO MANY ugly stories/cases dealing with a lapse of judgement with someone you thought you could trust.. 

Once you give that pic away, it is EXACTLY that.. Given away.. 

That other person can do WHATEVER THEY WANT with it.. You have ZERO legal rights to it anymore..

Personally, I have 2 boys and would be totally embarrassed if my kids seen some pic or video of me nude on the web somewhere.. 

I know a few single people that have done videos with an ex boyfriends or girlfriends that are always freaking out that it will pop up somewhere some how..

And as much as we want to pretend we are adults and cool about sh!t.. The reality is we are not.. 

I am pretty darn positive many (90%) , if not all of us here would have some real issues seeing someone we care about in sex video with an old partner or having some pic rise up that our partner might have sent to someone in the past.. 

ESPECIALLY when they never did it with you..


----------



## turnera

jsmart said:


> Regardless she definitely wasn't sexting hubby.


Did I miss his post where he FOUND sexts?

The only 'evidence' I've seen so far is she lost weight, she's showing cleavage, she was 'engaged' when teaching a kid, and she took topless pictures of herself.

I'm 56, I will NEVER cheat, I'm working hard to lose my weight and when I do, I WILL wear clothes I could have worn when I was 20, I WILL be bright and bubbly around ALL people, especially men, because it will feel good to finally, after 30 years, be considered good looking again, and yes, I'll probably take pics of myself (after the breast lift surgery).


----------



## pauslon

I am now having a difficult time believing this is real. Sorry.


----------



## Tobyboy

turnera said:


> Did I miss his post where he FOUND sexts?
> 
> The only 'evidence' I've seen so far is she lost weight, she's showing cleavage, she was 'engaged' when teaching a kid, and she took topless pictures of herself.
> 
> I'm 56, I will NEVER cheat, I'm working hard to lose my weight and when I do, I WILL wear clothes I could have worn when I was 20, I WILL be bright and bubbly around ALL people, especially men, because it will feel good to finally, after 30 years, be considered good looking again, and yes, I'll probably take pics of myself (after the breast lift surgery).


What will you do if you don't receive the external validation that you seek?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## turnera

There have been MANY posts here from _women_ telling you guys that we dress up for OURSELVES. It's a girl thing. And it usually has more to do with other WOMEN than anything about men.

If I start looking smoking hot, I will be walking around flaunting it, and I will be comparing myself to other _women_ and mentally patting myself on the back because I'll know - *I* will know - that I finally look good again. And I will go home smiling. And I probably won't have spoken to a single person, let alone let a 19 year old hit on me.

No 'external validation' needed.


----------



## Lila

lordmayhem said:


> You do realize this is given to betrayed husband's right? You know, after infidelity? That's part of the self improvement tips for a BH to up his game and change himself, instead of being the live in babysitter.


The dress well, get in shape, peac0ck, get other women to notice you, and other general Man-Up" advice _is not_ exclusive to betrayed husbands. If you don't believe me, take a stroll outside of CWI and you'll see what I mean. Or better yet, do a search for No More Mr. Nice Guy (NMMNG), MMSLP, or Man up. You'll find this advice on threads ranging from "my wife disrespects me by letting her little dog crap all over the house" to "my wife and I haven't had sex in 6 months" and everything in between.



lordmayhem said:


> And there are a few BW threads here and other forums where the WH all of a sudden started working working out, losing weight, dressing good....then come to find out its for the OW. Go to SI and see the threads there. This is usually a red flag. This occurs because the WS wants to look good for the OM/OW. It's not a gender thing.....ITS A CHEATER THING.


Causation does not imply correlation.


----------



## happy as a clam

Ok, I just took a gander at the t-shirt OP's wife supposedly wore.

I am 49 but can pass for early to mid-30s on a good day. I am in excellent shape, and have large breasts.

I'm not prudish by any stretch of the imagination -- in fact, I love to dress sexy for dates with my SO.

But I can assure you, I would NOT wear a t-shirt like that around a 19year old STUDENT. The shirt screams, "Look at these!" I would think it would be extremely distracting for a young male who is trying to concentrate on a piano lesson. 

I took piano lessons for many years (elderly female teacher) It's a very private, "intimate" setting. In other words, two people completely alone for 30 mins to an hour, in very close proximity. Often times you are side by side on the bench and you can't help but have thigh against thigh, arms touching, especially when one player has to reach across the other, as when playing a duet. In my case, I had an elderly grandma-type teacher, but I'm sure I would have had an entirely different experience if I had some hot, young stud teacher!

If she's wearing a shirt like that to teach piano, he would likely have trouble focusing on his studies.

Well, depending on what he is "studying"!!

:lol:


----------



## Graywolf2

*Benjamin Franklin, *Advice to a Young Man on the Choice of a Mistress (1745).

June 25, 1745

SHORT VERSION: “They don’t tell, they don’t swell and their grateful as hell.”

LONG VERSION:

My dear Friend,

I know of no Medicine fit to diminish the violent natural Inclinations you mention; and if I did, I think I should not communicate it to you. Marriage is the proper Remedy. It is the most natural State of Man, and therefore the State in which you are most likely to find solid Happiness. Your Reasons against entering into it at present, appear to me not well-founded. The circumstantial Advantages you have in View by postponing it, are not only uncertain, but they are small in comparison with that of the Thing itself, the being married and settled. It is the Man and Woman united that make the compleat human Being. Separate, she wants his Force of Body and Strength of Reason; he, her Softness, Sensibility and acute Discernment. Together they are more likely to succeed in the World. A single Man has not nearly the Value he would have in that State of Union. He is an incomplete Animal. He resembles the odd Half of a Pair of Scissars. If you get a prudent healthy Wife, your Industry in your Profession, with her good Economy, will be a Fortune sufficient.

But if you will not take this Counsel, and persist in thinking a Commerce with the Sex inevitable, then I repeat my former Advice, that in all your Amours you should prefer old Women to young ones. You call this a Paradox, and demand my Reasons. They are these:

1. Because as they have more Knowledge of the World and their Minds are better stor'd with Observations, their Conversation is more improving and more lastingly agreable.

2. Because when Women cease to be handsome, they study to be good. To maintain their Influence over Men, they supply the Diminution of Beauty by an Augmentation of Utility. They learn to do a 1000 Services small and great, and are the most tender and useful of all Friends when you are sick. Thus they continue amiable. And hence there is hardly such a thing to be found as an old Woman who is not a good Woman.

3. Because there is no hazard of Children, which irregularly produc'd may be attended with much Inconvenience.

4. Because thro' more Experience, they are more prudent and discreet in conducting an Intrigue to prevent Suspicion. The Commerce with them is therefore safer with regard to your Reputation. And with regard to theirs, if the Affair should happen to be known, considerate People might be rather inclin'd to excuse an old Woman who would kindly take care of a young Man, form his Manners by her good Counsels, and prevent his ruining his Health and Fortune among mercenary Prostitutes.

5. Because in every Animal that walks upright, the Deficiency of the Fluids that fill the Muscles appears first in the highest Part: The Face first grows lank and wrinkled; then the Neck; then the Breast and Arms; the lower Parts continuing to the last as plump as ever: So that covering all above with a Basket, and regarding2 only what is below the Girdle, it is impossible of two Women to know an old from a young one. And as in the dark all Cats are grey, the Pleasure of corporal Enjoyment with an old Woman is at least equal, and frequently superior, every Knack being by Practice capable of Improvement.

6. Because the Sin is less. The debauching a Virgin may be her Ruin, and make her for Life unhappy.

7. Because the Compunction is less. The having made a young Girl miserable may give you frequent bitter Reflections; none of which can attend the making an old Woman happy.

8thly and Lastly They are so grateful!! 

Thus much for my Paradox. But still I advise you to marry directly; being sincerely Your affectionate Friend.


----------



## Chaparral

Anon Pink said:


> Oh now Chap, did you think you could post rhetorical questions and fool someone into answering them? (That's a rhetorical question BTW.) They're not supposed to be answered, they are supposed to represent obvious facts that the listener might not be attuned to. (And that was the obvious answer to the rhetorical question.)


They weren't rhetorical questions. The statistics are readily available by googling them. The results are worse than shocking.


----------



## Faithful Wife

Hardtohandle said:


> :iagree:
> 
> My GF snapped pics of me nude while half asleep.. I let her keep them for a few hours but then ask her to delete them..
> 
> I have seen and dealt with TOO MANY ugly stories/cases dealing with a lapse of judgement with someone you thought you could trust..
> 
> Once you give that pic away, it is EXACTLY that.. Given away..
> 
> *That other person can do WHATEVER THEY WANT with it.. You have ZERO legal rights to it anymore..
> 
> Personally, I have 2 boys and would be totally embarrassed if my kids seen some pic or video of me nude on the web somewhere..*
> 
> I know a few single people that have done videos with an ex boyfriends or girlfriends that are always freaking out that it will pop up somewhere some how..
> 
> And as much as we want to pretend we are adults and cool about sh!t.. The reality is we are not..
> 
> I am pretty darn positive many (90%) , if not all of us here would have some real issues seeing someone we care about in sex video with an old partner or having some pic rise up that our partner might have sent to someone in the past..
> 
> ESPECIALLY when they never did it with you..




Meh....if my husband was ever so out of his mind that he shared naked pics or video of me....I guess I'll rue the day when it happens.

Or not. Since I'm hot as hell and even my kids would be like "damn mom, you hot".



I really have zero concerns that my H would ever do this, but even if he did, I'm not ashamed to be naked for my husband....or at all for that matter. If someone was going to try to be cruel to me by posting my beautiful image on the internet, I can think of ways that would hurt me more than that.


----------



## phillybeffandswiss

LOL. Sorry, that shirt is hilarious. My wife has some T-shirts like that, but they are size appropriate, Kind of funny how the link is to one with the most cleavage and a woman wearing a slimming shirt a size to small and sheer. Yes, I guffawed when I saw "cleavage" in the listing.

Funnier still that he calls that "she showed some cleavage."

Someone is pandering to the crowd IMO. No, not his wife.


----------



## EleGirl

Tubbalard said:


> Good points. Im glad you brought that up. I don't buy the notion that most 50yr olds don't like 19yr olds. First we have establish, what does a 19yr old look like? I think this age gap has been socially conditioned to not like each other. But sexually I don't buy it. If a 50yr old is hot enough to compete with a 25 yr old, I believe their would be a high percentage of these women taking the plunge. Since most 50yr olds, due to father time are not able compete with younger woman or just plainly dont appeal to these young bucks, they discard any notion gaining favor with a young buck. But that doesnt mean they dont like them, there's just built up conditioning to not pursue.
> 
> With surgical enhancements, creams, botox, financial independence there are more older women defying the quintessential look of their age. The cougar movement is getting stronger by the day. There is still societal pressure among women not to showcase their sexuality.


A lot of the women here who are in that age group, 50 and up, are telling how WE feel about 19 year old. We also know how our female friends feel about them because maybe, just maybe, the topic has come up.

Sure women 50 and older would bed a 19 year old. Most will not.



Tubbalard said:


> Are you basing that Danx wife sending pictures is over the top due to the age gap only, or by him having no evidence? I dont see anything over the top.


DanX has no evidence (at least he did not last night and I don't know if he does now) that his wife sent those pictures to anyone. But DanX pulled a hot-head antic and sent on picture of his wife's naked boobs to that 19 year old kid. That was a pretty bad move.

He has no evidence. Plus him sending her picture out is just wrong.



Tubbalard said:


> I think some believe this story is incredulous due to a 50yr old possibly pursuing a 19yr old. But if the man was 45 yrs old, I dont think some would have found it over the top for a possibility of cheating.


Sure we can make up hundreds of scenarios. What's the point? Let's stick to the info we have.


----------



## EleGirl

Tobyboy said:


> What will you do if you don't receive the external validation that you seek?


Why do you assume that a person works to lose weight and look good just to get external validation.

On TAM men are told all the time to lose weight work out, get buff, and start flirting. 

Why are you insulting a woman who is simply stating that she is working to improve her health and physical appearance for herself?


----------



## Chaparral

Op is emotionally panicking. He has avoided taking any advise and tried to fix the situation with little thought to consequences. If he had been listening and following advice though he wouldn't have found the pictures.

By going against advice, he invited the wife to view this thread. Once again she totally over reacted and stormed out of the house. Her actions are not those of a loving misunderstood spouse. Her reactions are those of a guilty person trying to blame shift by indignation.

Then he finds the pictures. It was definitely the wrong move to send them to the nineteen year old as he may not be who she took the pictures for.

She took them for someone besides her husband and the chances they were just for herself is slim and none.

Six weeks of dog house and now this is about as red as a flag gets.


----------



## Tobyboy

I'm sorry you feel that my question was insulting in someway. I asked because of what she wrote below. 


turnera said:


> I WILL be bright and bubbly around ALL people, especially men, because it will feel good to finally, after 30 years, be considered good looking again, and yes, I'll probably take pics of myself (after the breast lift surgery).


_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## turnera

I gained 50 pounds when I was pregnant, 25 years ago. I never lost it and continued to gain. Every.single.day I look in my closet and feel pain and shame and self hatred at what I can't fit into and I have to pick something that won't 'show' I'm overweight. Maybe guys just don't understand the incredible pull this issue has on women. 

I'm finally in a position where I'm mentally ready to ignore all the other crap in my life and focus on ME, and you can bet when I finally look like I want to look, I'm going to show it off. For ME. So it's ME who enjoys it. It has nothing to do with watching to see if guys follow me around or hit on me. Will it feel good if they do notice? Of course. But it doesn't mean I'll cheat.


----------



## turnera

Chaparral said:


> By going against advice, he invited the wife to view this thread. Once again she totally over reacted and stormed out of the house. Her actions are not those of a loving misunderstood spouse. Her reactions are those of a guilty person trying to blame shift by indignation.
> 
> Six weeks of dog house and now this is about as red as a flag gets.


I COMPLETELY disagree. My H used to be a jealous insecure jerk just like OP. And I hated him for it. The first 10 years of our marriage were hell. And if he hadn't changed, I WOULD have left him for it. And if I'd found out he started a thread like this, blaming ME, I'd have left just like she did.

You men really need to ask your wives more about how women think, because you really don't seem to have a clue sometimes.


----------



## EleGirl

Chaparral said:


> They weren't rhetorical questions. The statistics are readily available by googling them. The results are worse than shocking.


Could you please link to the studies that you found that have the stats? All if find when I google this topic are antidotal stories.

Or better yet.. do not post them on this thread as it's a thread jack. Instead start a new thread if you want to discuss this.


----------



## convert

Well, My advice to the OP was not to show her this thread, I knew it would cause more trouble.


----------



## Chaparral

turnera said:


> I COMPLETELY disagree. My H used to be a jealous insecure jerk just like OP. And I hated him for it. The first 10 years of our marriage were hell. And if he hadn't changed, I WOULD have left him for it. And if I'd found out he started a thread like this, blaming ME, I'd have left just like she did.
> 
> You men really need to ask your wives more about how women think, because you really don't seem to have a clue sometimes.


Explain to me how somewhat insecure became jealous, insecure jerk. Jealous insecure jerks don't just immediately apologize for their actions either.

I also don't know any bald guys with a bit of paunch that aren't somewhat insecure.

I don't know a single man that would tolerate her reactions to his actions based solely on his posts. What I do see is people assuming more than he's written.


----------



## Blonde

Tubbalard said:


> Just like you have trophy wives you have Trophy d!ck. A 50yr old man is still going to be sexually attracted to a young beautiful 20-25 yr old. A 50yr old woman is going to be sexually attracted to a studly 20-25 yr old. The only difference is that women can't express their sexuality as openly for fear of looking like a female pejorative.


Both turn my stomach. My dad married a 22 year old when I was 18 (and my brother was 21). It made me sick. Haven't seen Daddy-o more than a dozen times since (and I am 50something).

She dumped the dirty old man when she was 36.

So, when I say that a 50-something religious woman thinks that is is HUGELY creepy/icky/incest-ish to target someone your children's age, I mean it.

What's up with that screen name BTW? Can you post a photo of your Tubba Lard Ness?


----------



## Divinely Favored

happy as a clam said:


> Ok, I just took a gander at the t-shirt OP's wife supposedly wore.
> 
> I am 49 but can pass for early to mid-30s on a good day. I am in excellent shape, and have large breasts.
> 
> I'm not prudish by any stretch of the imagination -- in fact, I love to dress sexy for dates with my SO.
> 
> But I can assure you, I would NOT wear a t-shirt like that around a 19year old STUDENT. The shirt screams, "Look at these!" I would think it would be extremely distracting for a young male who is trying to concentrate on a piano lesson.
> 
> I took piano lessons for many years (elderly female teacher) It's a very private, "intimate" setting. In other words, two people completely alone for 30 mins to an hour, in very close proximity. Often times you are side by side on the bench and you can't help but have thigh against thigh, arms touching, especially when one player has to reach across the other, as when playing a duet. In my case, I had an elderly grandma-type teacher, but I'm sure I would have had an entirely different experience if I had some hot, young stud teacher!
> 
> If she's wearing a shirt like that to teach piano, he would likely have trouble focusing on his studies.
> 
> Well, depending on what he is "studying"!!


and add to it he said she only wears that shirt for the 19 year old male student


----------



## turnera

Tobyboy said:


> I'm sorry you feel that my question was insulting in someway. I asked because of what she wrote below.
> 
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I didn't find it insulting. I guess you read my post to mean I was going to flaunt myself and then watch them to see if it worked. I don't do that; I'm an introvert. I'll flaunt myself, for ME, and feel good for me.

As for OP's wife, we really have very little information on what SHE thinks, other than being furious.


----------



## convert

Divinely Favored said:


> and add to it he said she only wears that shirt for the 19 year old male student


:iagree:


----------



## Blonde

Personal said:


> if you verbally berate and embarrass your wife in the manner that Tubbalard recommends I can assure you there will be no marital benefit to such an approach.


:smthumbup: Another good signature line from this thread.


----------



## kristin2349

Blonde said:


> :smthumbup: Another good signature line from this thread.


I was thinking "Cougar Movement" was going to take off :rofl:


----------



## Blonde

Divinely Favored said:


> and add to it he said she only wears that shirt for the 19 year old male student


except that a CWI-TAM myth. DanX never said she ONLY wears that shirt for the 19 year old

It's like a game of telephone on these threads. The story morphs and the assumptions and caricature take on a life of their own.


----------



## Tobyboy

turnera said:


> I didn't find it insulting. I guess you read my post to mean I was going to flaunt myself and then watch them to see if it worked. I don't do that; I'm an introvert. I'll flaunt myself, for ME, and feel good for me.
> 
> As for OP's wife, we really have very little information on what SHE thinks, other than being furious.


My response was for Elle.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tech-novelist

Blonde said:


> except that a CWI-TAM myth. DanX never said she ONLY wears that shirt for the 19 year old
> 
> It's like a game of telephone on these threads. The story morphs and the assumptions and caricature take on a life of their own.


Here's what he said:

"The thing is I noticed a trend that she only dresses “inappropriately” for this one student. That is what set me off."

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/261401-doghouse-lack-trust-4.html#post12380801


----------



## Chaparral

Blonde said:


> except that a CWI-TAM myth. DanX never said she ONLY wears that shirt for the 19 year old
> 
> It's like a game of telephone on these threads. The story morphs and the assumptions and caricature take on a life of their own.


See post 52.

I think all the folks browbeating the OP should go back and reread just his posts. All I see is a hurt husband and a wife over reacting.


----------



## convert

Blonde said:


> except that a CWI-TAM myth. DanX never said she ONLY wears that shirt for the 19 year old
> 
> It's like a game of telephone on these threads. The story morphs and the assumptions and caricature take on a life of their own.


actually he did say this on post # 52


----------



## convert

DanX said:


> She has probably around a dozen students (mostly younger, but she does have an adult woman). *The thing is I noticed a trend that she only dresses “inappropriately” for this one student. That is what set me off.*
> 
> Does that mean I think they are having an affair? Of course not. Actually, the kid seems somewhat gay in his mannerisms.


This post # 52


----------



## EleGirl

Divinely Favored said:


> and add to it he said she only wears that shirt for the 19 year old male student


DanX did not say that she only wears that t-shirt for the 19 year old male student.


----------



## Lila

I get the impression, based on OP's self-described insecurity, that he would be upset (a.k.a "set off") regardless of whether it was just for the 19 year old or if she decided to dress "inappropriately" 24/7.


----------



## EleGirl

technovelist said:


> Here's what he said:
> 
> "The thing is I noticed a trend that she only dresses “inappropriately” for this one student. That is what set me off."
> 
> http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/261401-doghouse-lack-trust-4.html#post12380801


Perhaps, if DanX ever returns, he can clear this up.

DanX... do you work for a living? Or are you home 24/7?

If not, now do you know how your wife dresses with every single one of her music students?


----------



## convert

technovelist said:


> Here's what he said:
> 
> "The thing is I noticed a trend that she only dresses “inappropriately” for this one student. That is what set me off."
> 
> http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/261401-doghouse-lack-trust-4.html#post12380801


yep post #52


----------



## Blonde

Post # 52


DanX said:


> She has probably around a dozen students (mostly younger, but she does have an adult woman). The thing is I noticed a trend that she only dresses “inappropriately” for this one student. That is what set me off.
> 
> Does that mean I think they are having an affair? Of course not. Actually, the kid seems somewhat gay in his mannerisms.


So is DanX looking over her clothes when she was with each child who takes piano lessons? 

Really???

Or was it really a pretty normal woman's t-shirt that she wears frequently when dressed casually and he only noticed because he saw the 19 yo noticed?

Post #1


DanX said:


> I
> Over the years my wife has supplemented our income by giving piano lessons in our home (she is a full time music teacher.) Mostly her students are kids, but she occasionally has adult students. One of such student is a 19 year old kid that attends our church.
> 
> And here is the thing – I caught them doing… nothing. He comes over for piano lessons once a week and that is it. The lessons are Wednesday nights while I am here.
> 
> So why was I jealous? Because they seemed to “light up” around each other. And because my wife seemed dress somewhat inappropriate around him. Actually, it was not inappropriate or ****ty.


If there really is a DanX and a Mrs DanX and he really sent this 19yo piano student a topless photo he stole from his wife's I-Phone

*.... HELLO ALIMONY!* 
You just put your W job as a music teacher at risk!

I don't for a minute believe a 50something religious woman would have an affair with a child she teaches. I do believe she might take some personal selfies of her hot bod to remember at her best knowing that it's probably down hill from here


----------



## tech-novelist

Lila said:


> I get the impression, based on OP's self-described insecurity, that he would be "set off" even if she decided to dress "inappropriately" 24/7.


Yes, it would be very insecure of him to be "set off" if his wife dressed inappropriately *all the time* rather than just for one particular horny teenager (redundant, I know).

I guess I must be very insecure then, because I wouldn't like either of those situations either. :scratchhead:


----------



## EleGirl

technovelist said:


> Yes, it would be very insecure of him to be "set off" if his wife dressed like a hooker *all the time* rather than just for one particular horny teenager (redundant, I know).
> 
> I guess I must be very insecure then, because I wouldn't like either of those situations either. :scratchhead:


The OP has not said that his wife dresses like a hooker.


----------



## Lila

technovelist said:


> Yes, it would be very insecure of him to be "set off" if his wife dressed like a hooker *all the time* rather than just for one particular horny teenager (redundant, I know).
> 
> *I guess I must be very insecure then, because I wouldn't like either of those situations either. *:scratchhead:


Based on your comment suggesting that the t-shirt the OP posted as an example of what his wife was wearing is dressing like a "hooker", I think your guess is spot on!


----------



## convert

DanX said:


> Sadly, it is 100%. The nightmare continues. I have not had much sleep so this may not make sense.
> 
> I called the hotel and determined my wife checked out. I called the school but she called in sick today. And she has turned her phone off so I have no way to locate her.
> 
> I decided to do some investigating. She has her computer with her. But her documents and pictures are backup up to the “cloud”. I guess she was sloppy and forgot how all this information was on the cloud. I found quite a few “selfies” of her – including topless ones.
> 
> *So I guess she was showing that 19 year old kid more than just cleavage. I am 100% sure now she is having an affair with him.* I feel so naive.
> 
> I am tired of being played the fool. I sent via text message the evidence I have to both the kid and my wife. I am tired of lying and denials. My wife’s phone is off, but the kid responded that he did know what I was talking about. He played dumb like I am an idiot. I texted him to stay the Hell away from my wife.
> 
> Anyway, I am done apologizing. My wife is the one who owes me an apology.


How did you know theses selfies were for the 19 year old?

before I would of "guessed" and sent the evidence to both I would of found out more.
Well at this point you might as well do some more digging


----------



## tech-novelist

Lila said:


> Based on your comment suggesting that the t-shirt the OP posted as an example of what his wife was wearing is dressing like a "hooker", I think your guess is spot on!


I have corrected my statement.
However, I wouldn't like it if my wife wore that when teaching piano to a 19-year-old male.


----------



## EleGirl

DanX's last post is on page 19, post #282. We are now on page 25, post # 367 That's 6 pages and 84 posts.. of posters mostly arguing amongst themselves.

Please keep comments directed towards DanX.

Of course DanX and Mrs. DanX can post here.


----------



## EleGirl

EleGirl said:


> DanX's last post is on page 19, post #282. We are now on page 25, post # 367 That's 6 pages and 84 posts.. of posters mostly arguing amongst themselves.
> 
> *Please keep comments directed towards DanX.*
> 
> 
> Of course DanX and Mrs. DanX can post here.


Apparently I have to yell.


----------



## Chaparral

EleGirl said:


> Apparently I have to yell.


People catching up with the thread post before they get to the last, I. E. your warning, post.

My advice is to quit pursuing your wife. It just makes you look weak and needy. If she wants space and she wants to leave the house let her.

Make sure your finances are safe. Better safe than sorry.

Unless you have left out a lot of information, I cant think of but a very few reasons a woman would go off her rocker like this.
IMHO

Menopause maybe? You're under reporting how you have behaved. She has something to hide.

Maybe you could talk to your pastor to contact her..........if you trust him.


----------



## MattMatt

Marriage counselling. And soon.


----------



## MarriedDude

Chaparral said:


> People catching up with the thread post before they get to the last, I. E. your warning, post.
> 
> *My advice is to quit pursuing your wife. It just makes you look weak and needy. If she wants space and she wants to leave the house let her.*



:iagree::iagree::iagree:

DanX -This is critical. Any neediness really needs to stop. It's typically very unattractive -which doesn't help you. 

AND -please, for YOUR OWN SAKE...do not send anymore texts/emails/anything to this 19 year old kid. This is not helpful in any way and it could force your wife into a situation where she would need to leave as a way to save face. Don't get into the battle for who has the most pride- its not productive. If you find yourself making any argument based on "It's the principle"...slow down and rethink it. 

Think each thing you are going to do through very carefully. From what I have read -something relatively minor -has escalated to a nuclear situation. It doesn't need to be that way. You know your wife -you've been together for a very long time. USE that knowledge to predict the outcome of any situation/discussion/etc...and tailor towards the positive ends *you* seek. 

Remember this before you speak....It's much less likely for someone to get into trouble for something they DIDN'T say.


----------



## LonelyinLove

I have a friend considering a boob job. She took photos of herself for that purpose.

Just say'in...


----------



## weightlifter

Note for the future readers.

How not to successfully investigate suspected infidelity.
Master course.
1. Ignore the standard evidence post.
2. Ignore everyone else
3. Be a loose cannon.

Hope he gets his answer but... Damn...


----------



## Chaparral

weightlifter said:


> Note for the future readers.
> 
> How not to successfully investigate suspected infidelity.
> Master course.
> 1. Ignore the standard evidence post.
> 2. Ignore everyone else
> 3. Be a loose cannon.
> 
> Hope he gets his answer but... Damn...


Another good idea is to avoid letting people blame you for you're spouses weird, odd, and red flag behavior...............no matter how much you want to blame yourself.


----------



## lordmayhem

weightlifter said:


> Note for the future readers.
> 
> How not to successfully investigate suspected infidelity.
> Master course.
> 1. Ignore the standard evidence post.
> 2. Ignore everyone else
> 3. Be a loose cannon.
> 
> Hope he gets his answer but... Damn...


:iagree:

I will never understand those people who come here that suspect their spouse may be cheating, and then sending the link to their thread here. :scratchhead:

Unfreakingbelievable.


----------



## 2asdf2

Faithful Wife said:


> Meh....if my husband was ever so out of his mind that he shared naked pics or video of me....I guess I'll rue the day when it happens.
> 
> Or not. Since I'm hot as hell and even my kids would be like "damn mom, you hot".
> 
> 
> 
> I really have zero concerns that my H would ever do this, but even if he did, I'm not ashamed to be naked for my husband....or at all for that matter. If someone was going to try to be cruel to me by posting my beautiful image on the internet, I can think of ways that would hurt me more than that.


Tease!


----------



## GROUNDPOUNDER

I get the feeling we won't hear from DanX anymore because he went back under the bridge.

If he was for real, then I think he's got a bumpy road ahead of him for a while. Largely due to the fact that he digs his own pot holes.


----------



## lifeistooshort

GROUNDPOUNDER said:


> I get the feeling we won't hear from DanX anymore because he went back under the bridge.
> 
> If he was for real, then I think he's got a bumpy road ahead of him for a while. Largely due to the fact that he digs his own pot holes.



I suspect you won't hear from him because he got the reaction he wanted and had his fun. If he needs more entertainment he'll be back with a scandalous update.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Faithful Wife

Dang...and here I was waiting and hoping for Boob Talk with FW in the Ladies Lounge....


----------



## GROUNDPOUNDER

lifeistooshort said:


> I suspect you won't hear from him because he got the reaction he wanted and had his fun. If he needs more entertainment he'll be back with a scandalous update.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Good point. I'd forgoten about the ol' scandalous update.


----------



## GROUNDPOUNDER

Faithful Wife said:


> Dang...and here I was waiting and hoping for Boob Talk with FW in the Ladies Lounge....


Maybe he made up with his wife and the 19 year old. Now they are all bosom buddies.


----------



## tom67

GROUNDPOUNDER said:


> Maybe he made up with his wife and the 19 year old. Now they are all bosom buddies.


:rofl::rofl:


----------



## Faithful Wife

GROUNDPOUNDER said:


> Maybe he made up with his wife and the 19 year old. Now they are all bosom buddies.


Well, that's EXACTLY the kind of guests I would want on my show!


----------



## Pollo

Pretty sad how so many people jumped on OP just because he talked to his wife about something he was (legitimately) concerned about. Somehow that justifies her giving him crap for 6 weeks?

Assuming that her resentment was building for 25 years and popped in this one moment is such a ridiculous argument I don't know how anybody could say that with a straight face.
It seems like many people took this as some sort of insult to the entire gender.


----------



## GROUNDPOUNDER

Faithful Wife said:


> Well, that's EXACTLY the kind of guests I would want on my show!


You know, every time I read one of your posts and see your Bewitched avatar, the intro music for the show starts playing in my head.

Seriously, every time.

It brings back found memories. Thanks.


----------



## Faithful Wife

At what point does a thread become OK to just start making jokes about the content? Ele asked us to keep our comments toward the OP...but he seems to be gone.

Can we go free range on this thread now, or not? I don't want to get in trouble. But clearly I'm about to.


----------



## Faithful Wife

For the kids out there who maybe haven't seen it:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=36FSbW0Vsq0


----------



## GROUNDPOUNDER

Faithful Wife said:


> At what point does a thread become OK to just start making jokes about the content? Ele asked us to keep our comments toward the OP...but he seems to be gone.
> 
> Can we go free range on this thread now, or not? I don't want to get in trouble. But clearly I'm about to.


As long as we don't start bickering among ourselves, or start posting troll comment after troll comment, they usually let the thread fizzle out on it's own.


----------



## GROUNDPOUNDER

Faithful Wife said:


> For the kids out there who maybe haven't seen it:
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=36FSbW0Vsq0


Oh great! Now I'm going to have the Bewitched tune stuck in my noggin for the rest of the day. Thanks!

Where's Barbara Eden when I need her?


----------



## Fenris

Frankly, I don't think this was a troll. He disappeared right after showing his wife the thread. Most likely, one of the conditions of not getting an instant divorce and talking about their problems was not coming back here.


----------



## Chaparral

He wasn't treated very kindly on top of having his thread jacked.


----------



## happy as a clam

GROUNDPOUNDER said:


> Oh great! Now I'm going to have the Bewitched tune stuck in my noggin for the rest of the day. Thanks!
> 
> Where's Barbara Eden when I need her?












*Just for you, GP... *:lol:


----------



## happy as a clam

Fenris said:


> Frankly, I don't think this was a troll. He disappeared right after showing his wife the thread. Most likely, one of the conditions of not getting an instant divorce and talking about their problems was not coming back here.


I am leaning towards Fenris' camp.

I think the wife was horrified, p*ssed off, and DONE with him after she read the thread. (Even though she was already done because she was with the 19yo student).


----------



## Chaparral

Maybe she was just taking nude pictures of her self to pass down to her grand kids.


----------



## Faithful Wife

Chaparral said:


> Maybe she was just taking nude pictures of her self to pass down to her grand kids.


So it is ok to directly insult the OP and his wife, but not ok to talk about anything else on this thread. Got it.


----------



## GROUNDPOUNDER

happy as a clam said:


> *Just for you, GP... *:lol:


Thank You! Now I have "I Dream Of Genie" Pinging in my skull. 

Maybe I'll dream about her tonight and I'm playing the part of Major Nelson.

She was a godess.


----------



## EleGirl

DanX can ask to have this thread re-opened if he ever returns. Or he can start another one.


----------

