# My wife’s male coworker



## Dthom (9 mo ago)

My wife has a male coworker that expressed he wants to be with her, he did this when we were separated. We are now together and he still acts rather obvious. She still spends time around him in a group setting but it makes me uneasy because all her friends see it but she says he has “backed off” I’ve kept quiet and haven’t made a issue of it but I’m starting to have a real problem. Am I just being insecure?


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

Dthom said:


> My wife has a male coworker that expressed he wants to be with her, he did this when we were separated. We are now together and he still acts rather obvious. She still spends time around him in a group setting but it makes me uneasy because all her friends see it but she says he has “backed off” I’ve kept quiet and haven’t made a issue of it but I’m starting to have a real problem. Am I just being insecure?


Maybe. Maybe not.

What is your wife’s feeling about this guy?
If he has “backed off” why are you continuing to be bothered by it? What is giving you those feelings of insecurity?


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

Did your wife go out with him while you were both separated?


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## Dillinger (12 mo ago)

Go ahead and make an issue of it. Fight for the relationship that matters. If you go too far that way, it's recoverable. Don't go far enough, and there you are with a lot of time on your hands.


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## Dthom (9 mo ago)

BeyondRepair007 said:


> Maybe. Maybe not.
> 
> What is your wife’s feeling about this guy?
> If he has “backed off” why are you continuing to be bothered by it? What is giving you those feelings of insecurity?


Because he still exhibits behavior of someone who wants her, like he hasn’t actually backed off he just changed his tactics.


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## Dthom (9 mo ago)

*Deidre* said:


> Did your wife go out with him while you were both separated?


No, she told me she turned him down and that to her it “was just a little puppy dog crush that meant nothing.”


Dillinger said:


> Go ahead and make an issue of it. Fight for the relationship that matters. If you go too far that way, it's recoverable. Don't go far enough, and there you are with a lot of time on your hands.


but if it’s not an issue for her then maybe I’m just making her life harder for no reason.


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

Dthom said:


> Because he still exhibits behavior of someone who wants her, like he hasn’t actually backed off he just changed his tactics.


What is your interaction with him? I mean…how do you know that he is behaving like this?

Is this a scenario where you have a chat with him? Tell him to back off?

If your wife isn’t acting suspicious, I wouldn’t do anything to put pressure on her. If you feel the need to change his perspective, have a chat.


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## Dthom (9 mo ago)

BeyondRepair007 said:


> What is your interaction with him? I mean…how do you know that he is behaving like this?
> 
> Is this a scenario where you have a chat with him? Tell him to back off?
> 
> If your wife isn’t acting suspicious, I wouldn’t do anything to put pressure on her. If you feel the need to change his perspective, have a chat.


I’ve hung out with her friends and he follows her when she moves, always has to sit next to her, and when he talks about his motorcycle he used to have he always addresses her. Also her friend make comments about how he is with her, when they’re out and I’m not around he tried to act like her boyfriend by trying to carry her stuff, pay for her food/drinks, be her protector, etc. 

We’ve had a rocky few years but have seemed to really connect emotionally, but I’m not sure I’m secure enough in our relationship to address this issue without feeing like I’m telling her to distance herself from a friend.


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

Dthom said:


> I’ve hung out with her friends and he follows her when she moves, always has to sit next to her, and when he talks about his motorcycle he used to have he always addresses her. Also her friend make comments about how he is with her, when they’re out and I’m not around he tried to act like her boyfriend by trying to carry her stuff, pay for her food/drinks, be her protector, etc.
> 
> We’ve had a rocky few years but have seemed to really connect emotionally, but I’m not sure I’m secure enough in our relationship to address this issue without feeing like I’m telling her to distance herself from a friend.


Wait…so your wife is treating him as a friend? Letting him cozy up and act like her bf?

Nope…that’s gotta stop. If you’re uncomfortable with the situation then talk to your wife. Let her know what’s up and clarify your boundaries. Nobody is going to treat my wife like her bf except me.

Talk to your wife and reverse the situation. How would she feel if a girl treated you like this guy treats her? The guy has to go.


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## Captain Obvious (Mar 14, 2021)

Do him and your wife call and text after work hours? Do they go on one on one lunches? Does your wife do a lot of happy hours and social events with her her work colleagues? What did she tell him when she turned him down? This turd wants your wife and she doesn't seem to mind.


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

Your wife needs to shut down his flirtations and advances. She is capable and needs to do that. Even if it's just a ''crush,'' and she thinks nothing of it, he may think differently. Your wife may be doing nothing wrong at all, and he may be persistent. When you were separated, I'm just wondering if she was a little friendlier to him at that time, and he may have had an idea that they'd be together. She may have not thought much of it, because you were separated. Hard to say.

Are they connected through social media? If so, that would need to end. If you're both trying to work on the marriage, she needs to make it clear to other guys that she's not interested.


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## Dthom (9 mo ago)

Captain Obvious said:


> Do him and your wife call and text after work hours? Do they go on one on one lunches? Does your wife do a lot of happy hours and social events with her her work colleagues? What did she tell him when she turned him down? This turd wants your wife and she doesn't seem to mind.


They do text, but no one on one anything. He’s younger by about 5 years, she’s 29 and he’s 24. My friends say don’t even worry myself cause she looks at him like a child due to the fact that he’s not financially independent and he is socially awkward, but my primitive nature just wants to check him myself.


Captain Obvious said:


> Do him and your wife call and text after work hours? Do they go on one on one lunches? Does your wife do a lot of happy hours and social events with her her work colleagues? What did she tell him when she turned him down? This turd wants your wife and she doesn't seem to mind.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Dthom said:


> They do text, but no one on one anything. He’s younger by about 5 years, she’s 29 and he’s 24. My friends say don’t even worry myself cause she looks at him like a child due to the fact that he’s not financially independent and he is socially awkward, but my primitive nature just wants to check him myself.


They shouldn't be texting outside work. That will be encouraging him. She needs to act polite but cool around him.


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## Captain Obvious (Mar 14, 2021)

Dthom said:


> They do text, but no one on one anything. He’s younger by about 5 years, she’s 29 and he’s 24. My friends say don’t even worry myself cause she looks at him like a child due to the fact that he’s not financially independent and he is socially awkward, but my primitive nature just wants to check him myself.


Don't underestimate him. Your wife is getting an ego-trip off the fact a younger dude wants her badly. All it takes is one argument with you and a couple drinks at happy hour and that's all she wrote. You could stomp this chump all week, but as long as your wife keeps allowing his behavior, he's not going away.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

Dthom said:


> I’ve hung out with her friends and he follows her when she moves, always has to sit next to her, and when he talks about his motorcycle he used to have he always addresses her. Also her friend make comments about how he is with her, when they’re out and I’m not around he tried to act like her boyfriend by trying to carry her stuff, pay for her food/drinks, be her protector, etc.
> 
> We’ve had a rocky few years but have seemed to really connect emotionally, but I’m not sure I’m secure enough in our relationship to address this issue without feeing like I’m telling her to distance herself from a friend.


That guy is not her friend and your wife shouldn't be treating him as one. He expressed interest and has kept that up (even if in a different way). I would just have a CALM discussion with your wife that you don't like the fact that she is keeping this guy around in her orbit while knowing that he is attracted to her. NO marriage needs that, especially if there are issues. She should not be accepting drinks/food from another man. That is called a date.


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## No Longer Lonely Husband (Nov 3, 2015)

Let me give you some advice. Here is what I would do. I would sit him down in the presence of my wife and me and have her tell him in clear and concise terms she has zero interest in him. The I would tell him very firmly to get lost. I would let him know he is taking his life in his hands should he continue pursuing


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## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

Diana7 said:


> They shouldn't be texting outside work. That will be encouraging him. She needs to act polite but cool around him.


That’s not enough. She needs to cut him off completely, block his number and shut it down. No politeness that could be misinterpreted, by him or anyone else. Cold and distant not cool. And if he continues, then you go to HR.

Anything else and you have to wonder what her game is.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

Dthom said:


> No, she told me she turned him down and that to her it “was just a little puppy dog crush that meant nothing.”
> 
> but if it’s not an issue for her then maybe I’m just making her life harder for no reason.


Based on this, if she shut him down, I wouldn’t worry. I’ve had this happen. Sometimes someone does something inappropriate at work, you push it away and forget. (Yeah, it actually happened to me. SHOCK) My H had nothing to worry about, because it honestly was out of my mind immediately. It sounds like it’s that dude’s problem, not yours.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

When I got together with my ex 4 years ago she had a few orbiters. There was one who was quite persistent like your guy so I visited them at work during their lunch break, and my partner and I full-on made out right in front of him. Overheard another colleague tell him "hurts doesn't it" while we were doing it 

I also took full advantage of his orbiter status and made him go fetch our drinks. He never tried again.








In other words, make a third wheeler out of him in front of everyone


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## Noman (Oct 17, 2014)

Dthom said:


> My wife has a male coworker that expressed he wants to be with her, he did this when we were separated. We are now together and he still acts rather obvious. She still spends time around him in a group setting but it makes me uneasy because all her friends see it but she says he has “backed off” I’ve kept quiet and haven’t made a issue of it but I’m starting to have a real problem. Am I just being insecure?


@Dthom her friends see what, that this guy is still orbiting, hoping to get her panties off?



Dthom said:


> Also her friend make comments about how he is with her, when they’re out and I’m not around he tried to act like her boyfriend by trying to carry her stuff, pay for her food/drinks, be her protector, etc.
> 
> ...I’m not sure I’m secure enough in our relationship to address this issue without feeing like I’m telling her to distance herself from a friend.


@Dthom _her_ friends are telling _you_ about "how he is with her"? How big a hint do you need?

This has to stop, completely. No going out, with or without a group, that will eliminate him carrying her stuff, buying her food & drinks & "protecting her".

Seriously, he is NO friend to either of you.

GET BIG & be a man and force the issue. Your wife might be looking for you to do just that.

Or she might just be enjoying the "ego kibbles".

Or, she might enjoy watching the knife in your gut being turned every time Mr. Uranus completes a revolution around your wife.

If your wife thinks you're overreacting, point her to this thread, maybe it will open her eyes to your point of view, which I assure you is COMPLETELY VALID!


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## Noman (Oct 17, 2014)

No Longer Lonely Husband said:


> Let me give you some advice. Here is what I would do. I would sit him down in the presence of my wife and me and have her tell him in clear and concise terms she has zero interest in him. The I would tell him very firmly to get lost. I would let him know he is taking his life in his hands should he continue pursuing


@No Longer Lonely Husband I'm a little surprised that "1911" wasn't mentioned in your reply. I think we can all assume it was implied.


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## No Longer Lonely Husband (Nov 3, 2015)

Noman said:


> @No Longer Lonely Husband I'm a little surprised that "1911" wasn't mentioned in your reply. I think we can all assume it was implied.


LOL. Implied, maybe.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Dthom said:


> I’ve hung out with her friends and he follows her when she moves, always has to sit next to her, and when he talks about his motorcycle he used to have he always addresses her. Also her friend make comments about how he is with her, when they’re out and I’m not around he tried to *act like her boyfriend by trying to carry her stuff, pay for her food/drinks, be her protector,* etc.
> 
> We’ve had a rocky few years but have seemed to really connect emotionally, but I’m not sure I’m secure enough in our relationship to address this issue without feeing like I’m telling her to distance herself from a friend.


No no no no no no. Not on. You need to tell - not ask, TELL your wife that this crap needs to stop, and if she doesn't tell him, you will.

Or, you could just go straight to the source and tell him directly that there is only one man who carries your wife's things, buys her things and protects her, and that man is you.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

frusdil said:


> No no no no no no. Not on. You need to tell - not ask, TELL your wife that this crap needs to stop, and if she doesn't tell him, you will.
> 
> Or, you could just go straight to the source and tell him directly that there is only one man who carries your wife's things, buys her things and protects her, and that man is you.


You forgot “sits by her”. SMH

I pity the poor bastard that sat by my lady in front of me.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Casual Observer said:


> That’s not enough. She needs to cut him off completely, block his number and shut it down. No politeness that could be misinterpreted, by him or anyone else. Cold and distant not cool. And if he continues, then you go to HR.
> 
> Anything else and you have to wonder what her game is.


My husband had this situation in his workplace when he was with his first wife. A just divorced lady was giving him lots of attention that she wasn't giving the other guys. He said he was polite but cool, just got on with his work showed no interest and it stopped. Eventually she left.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

How are you sure they didn't have a fling (being kind here) when you two were separated? That behaviour is not normal. Sounds like he wants to rekindle something.


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## plastow (Jan 4, 2022)

Dthom said:


> My wife has a male coworker that expressed he wants to be with her, he did this when we were separated. We are now together and he still acts rather obvious. She still spends time around him in a group setting but it makes me uneasy because all her friends see it but she says he has “backed off” I’ve kept quiet and haven’t made a issue of it but I’m starting to have a real problem. Am I just being insecure?


then dont wait till it happens stop it now she has to tell the guy to piss off or else


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## marko polo (Jan 26, 2021)

Dthom said:


> I’ve hung out with her friends and he follows her when she moves, always has to sit next to her, and when he talks about his motorcycle he used to have he always addresses her. Also her friend make comments about how he is with her, when they’re out and I’m not around he tried to act like her boyfriend by trying to carry her stuff, pay for her food/drinks, be her protector, etc.
> 
> We’ve had a rocky few years but have seemed to really connect emotionally, but I’m not sure I’m secure enough in our relationship to address this issue without feeing like I’m telling her to distance herself from a friend.


*He isn't her friend. He wants to replace you.* Maybe he is just obsessed by nature or maybe he has already sampled your wife and he wants more if not all of her to himself. She has said she turned him down. *It is was a little puppy dog crush and it meant nothing. *Cheaters lie, deny and minimize.

Who wanted the separation? You or your wife? If it was your wife, separation is often the excuse used by a spouse to sleep other people. Separation offers the wayward spouse some privacy and plausible deniability.

Maybe your wife indulged with the coworker and recognized that you offered more than he could. Perhaps you should consider a surprise polygraph to help determine the true nature of their _working_ relationship. Do you have access to your wife's phone, email, pc? You should investigate a little deeper.

*Her reluctance to deal with this coworker and send him away should concern you.* She is content for this other man to buy her things, do her favors and masquerade as her man in public while you are _reconciling._

I would not be so quick to reconcile if I were you. Especially if you were not the one to ask for the separation. Can you elaborate on the rocky years you have had with your wife. The devil is in the details.


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## D0nnivain (Mar 13, 2021)

She remains flattered by his attention which is why she hasn't shut this down. That's not good. She's using him to make you jealous & it's working 

What would you like to happen here? Do you want her to switch jobs? What does that mean in terms of her seniority, beenfits, pension etc ? She can't control his behavior but she can control hers & needs to stop leading him on.


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## marko polo (Jan 26, 2021)

frusdil said:


> No no no no no no. Not on. You need to tell - not ask, TELL your wife that this crap needs to stop, and if she doesn't tell him, you will.
> 
> Or, you could just go straight to the source and tell him directly that there is only one man who carries your wife's things, buys her things and protects her, and that man is you.


OP's wife isn't fighting for the marriage as hard as the OP or at all, so why should he bother? Triangulation if he confronts the other man and fuel for conflict if he sets a boundary down if his wife is narcissistic. Nothing strokes the ego more than two men fighting over the same woman. If she is not narcissistic, than she is idiotic or naïve.

Op can simply tell his wife that the other man can have her and that he would prefer to remain separated. See how long the harmless puppy dog is kept around.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Dthom said:


> I’ve hung out with her friends and he follows her when she moves, always has to sit next to her, and when he talks about his motorcycle he used to have he always addresses her. Also her friend make comments about how he is with her, when they’re out and I’m not around he tried to act like her boyfriend by trying to carry her stuff, pay for her food/drinks, be her protector, etc.
> 
> We’ve had a rocky few years but have seemed to really connect emotionally, but I’m not sure I’m secure enough in our relationship to address this issue without feeing like I’m telling her to distance herself from a friend.


He is an orbiter for a reason.
She allows it, and she likes it.

She says he is like her puppy.
And, he is.

Aw, who does not like puppies?

She likes puppies, she has two of them.

Guess who her second puppy is?

Puppies do not know how to put their foot down. They do not take true ownership of their food bowl, their house and their supposed lover.

You wife is enjoying the competition for her teats, that her two puppies are trying to latch onto.

Lucky wife, two frustrated puppies.
That is how I see it.




_Nemesis-_


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

The guy has a leather jacket and no motorcycle.
He is a wanna-be.

He wants to ride again, and he wants to ride your wife.

He imagines her sitting behind him on the bike pressing those teats of hers tight against his back, slow cruising the back roads at night, under the full moon.

Just because your wife said she shut him down, does not make it so.
It _might_ be somewhat true, what she said.

_Might_ is iffy.
If, is icky, not knowing.
Jiff is sticky.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

Dthom said:


> They do text, but no one on one anything. He’s younger by about 5 years, she’s 29 and he’s 24. My friends say don’t even worry myself cause she looks at him like a child due to the fact that he’s not financially independent and he is socially awkward,


Your friends are way wrong. Five years younger means more energy and his chasing her is a high for her whether she admits it or not. Also, women sometimes have affairs with men who are lower status than hubby. If she is downplaying his qualities to you it is to put you off of the track.

Not sure how you solve this, until she tells him to backoff or she goes to HR where she works and complains, nothing will change. And if he works at it long enough, he will eventually have her. Probably sooner rather than later, like next time you p!ss her off.

If you’re tough enough maybe you could intimidate him but if your wife likes him that wont stop them getting together.


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## ElOtro (Apr 4, 2021)

Diana7 said:


> My husband had this situation in his workplace when he was with his first wife. A just divorced lady was giving him lots of attention that she wasn't giving the other guys. He said he was polite but cool, just got on with his work showed no interest and it stopped. Eventually she left.


Good.
Even so, due to strongly ingrained interaction / communication patterns (evoutive, social ones) this (indifference) rarely works as well with male orbiters.
Other less ambiguous ways may be frequently needed.


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

D0nnivain said:


> She remains flattered by his attention which is why she hasn't shut this down. That's not good. She's using him to make you jealous & it's working


Yep, I’m thinking this, too. If you want to shut down flirtations and advances, you just do it.

Edit - I’ll add though that there are some guys who don’t take no for an answer, and it might be good for you OP, to step up (if that’s the case) If your wife has led him on however, you’ll look pretty dumb if you meet up with the guy and threaten him. Communicate with your wife, to be sure what to do.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

*Deidre* said:


> Yep, I’m thinking this, too. If you want to shut down flirtations and advances, you just do it.
> 
> Edit - I’ll add though that there are some guys who don’t take no for an answer, and it might be good for you OP, to step up (if that’s the case) *If your wife has led him* on however, you’ll look pretty dumb if you meet up with the guy and threaten him. Communicate with your wife, to be sure what to do.


Nope, she called him a puppy, who is chasing after her.
That is encouraging his behavior by remaining passive or silent..

Not shutting him down is on her.

*I get it, it is hard to put someone down who really likes you.
Right?*

She just needs to tell him, no thank you, I am married, I am not interested.
And stick to it.

At that time....
She likely told a few people at work that she was separated from her husband.

Of course, the Longing-Fellow would then make his move.

He wants her.
Her husband appeared, not to.

The puppy sensed her vulnerability and followed her scent.


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## theloveofmylife (Jan 5, 2021)

I think you should tell her to shut this guy down or you will. 

Who and what caused the separation to begin with?


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Yes, more on the separation, who wanted it, and how many times the coworker dated your wife while you were separated.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

Dthom said:


> I’ve hung out with her friends and he follows her when she moves, always has to sit next to her, and when he talks about his motorcycle he used to have he always addresses her. Also her friend make comments about how he is with her, when they’re out and I’m not around he tried to act like her boyfriend by trying to carry her stuff, pay for her food/drinks, be her protector, etc.
> 
> We’ve had a rocky few years but have seemed to really connect emotionally, but I’m not sure I’m secure enough in our relationship to address this issue without feeing like I’m telling her to distance herself from a friend.


He is not a friend of your relationship with your wife.


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## AandM (Jan 30, 2019)

Dthom said:


> My wife has a male coworker that expressed he wants to be with her, he did this when we were separated. We are now together and he still acts rather obvious. She still spends time around him in a group setting but it makes me uneasy because all her friends see it but she says he has “backed off” I’ve kept quiet and haven’t made a issue of it but I’m starting to have a real problem. Am I just being insecure?


"Little Bunny Foo-Foo, hopping through the forest; snatching up the field mice and bopping the on the head!"

Dude, consult with your balls; you know what to do.


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## marko polo (Jan 26, 2021)

Dthom said:


> They do text, but no one on one anything. He’s younger by about 5 years, she’s 29 and he’s 24. My friends say don’t even worry myself cause she looks at him like a child due to the fact that he’s not financially independent and he is socially awkward, but my primitive nature just wants to check him myself.


If your wife had no interest in him she would have sent him away. *Especially when she is trying to reconcile with you.*

He is not financially independent and he is awkward. That is no guarantee of anything. Is he attractive? Physically fit? She can't or won't leave you for him because he is unable to support her. That doesn't mean she hasn't slept with him already or doesn't want to. She can have her cake and eat it. She has you to pay the bills and keep the home and can have a separate fantasy sex life with the coworker.

Your wife is keeping this other man around and it isn't because he is harmless or awkward.


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## Noman (Oct 17, 2014)

You should start showing up at her work every day to take her lunch wearing this:









Might make _both_ of them think twice!

Helpful Hint: For extra added effect, wear a hockey mask, too.


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## Rooster2015 (Jun 12, 2015)

Ok, so not respectable husband puts up with this. Tell your wife to end it or you will tell the guy to back off. Tell her if she is going to allow this you need to divorce.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

@Dthom He is not your wife's friend, he is a wanna be lover. Being a coworker that gets to spend nearly as much time with her is not a good situation at all. He is also not a friend of your marriage. He tried to take advantage of a weak time in you marriage and wanted to replace you. To me this make him your enemy and should be treated appropriately. Don't let this go if you want to save your marriage.


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## ElOtro (Apr 4, 2021)

Noman said:


> Helpful Hint: For extra added effect, wear a hockey mask, too.


In such situation a mask would hide an even more telling face expression.
Else, I like that T-Shirt.



Rooster2015 said:


> Ok, so not respectable husband puts up with this. Tell your wife to end it or you will tell the guy to back off. Tell her if she is going to allow this you need to divorce.


THIS


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## Mybabysgotit (Jul 1, 2019)

Dthom said:


> My wife has a male coworker that expressed he wants to be with her, he did this when we were separated. We are now together and he still acts rather obvious. She still spends time around him in a group setting but it makes me uneasy because all her friends see it but she says he has “backed off” I’ve kept quiet and haven’t made a issue of it but I’m starting to have a real problem. Am I just being insecure?


I'm kind of a **** when it comes to things like that. I would call him out right in front of her. I would probably embarrass him further, but again, I'm a ****.


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## Noman (Oct 17, 2014)

Mybabysgotit said:


> I'm kind of a *** when it comes to things like that. I would call him out right in front of her. I would probably embarrass him further, but again, I'm a ***.


@Mybabysgotit I like your thinking.

I'd make sure it was just the three of them, though. Doing so in front of his wife's co-workers or friends would be embarrassing for her.


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## marko polo (Jan 26, 2021)

Mybabysgotit said:


> I'm kind of a *** when it comes to things like that. I would call him out right in front of her. I would probably embarrass him further, but again, I'm a ***.


If she is narcissistic this approach will give her what she wants (triangulation/drama/fuel).

It could also easily backfire on him if she decides to support her playmate and embarrass her husband. He will look insecure and possessive.

A better approach is to simply tell them both (wife and her puppy) that OP would prefer to stay separated and that he (the other man) can have her if he wants. She can't seem to make her mind so I have made up my mind.

The person willing to walk away from a relationship holds the power. *Right now that isn't the OP.* He is too afraid to rock the boat and will lose by default

"_I’m not sure I’m secure enough in our relationship to address this issue without feeing like I’m telling her to distance herself from a friend."_

If I were to guess the OP has never been secure enough in the relationship to act much less walk away. This is the likely the source of all the rocky times he has mentioned but not elaborated on. Unfortunately I suspect he will watch from the sidelines as he likely has previously as she has her cake and eats it. He is too worried about losing what has already been lost.


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