# Headspinning



## Headspin (May 13, 2012)

Hi everyone

This is difficult. I am right in the middle of complete marriage melt down. 
In the last 6 months since Nov my wife has been in love with me, with another in Dec, with me from January and now with a different other man in March/ April. 

I don't know how this works on here and I can hardly think straight about what's been / what is going on

Do I explain where I am right now or how this has evolved? and how in depth do I go? Trouble is my post will be very very long.
I have found I cant really leave bits out of the story if I give the full honest picture. Is that allowed on this forum. Do people have the patience to read all this stuff. If they do then I'll post my story.

Maybe I need to say what I want from posting on here first. I'm not really sure - maybe some insight as to how my wife has behaved like she has and just the thought of unloading sharing it with others of similar experience will maybe help me come to terms with it all. I don't know really


----------



## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

What is your goal? 

divorce or reconciliation?


----------



## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

People dont mind the length.


----------



## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

Your detailed story would help some members who have been through the same thing to give you a better advice.


----------



## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Well, to be honest, I often skip all the background about how people met etc. Many people do find it cathartic to post their big long story though, so by all means do so if it'll help you  And some people on here will read it all. It also helps to have it all down for reference later.

What I look for is:
- have you spent some time poking around here yet to become familiar with the site and specifically the CWI forum
- what kind of cheating was/is it - how long, how many AP's, EA or PA or both etc etc 
- is the WS remorseful, gaslighting, in the fog, still cheating, denying, sorry they got caught, or what
- how does the BS feel - are they angry? Do they want to save the marriage? Are they not willing to put up with bull crappy from the WS? Or are they blaming themselves?


----------



## Headspin (May 13, 2012)

keko said:


> What is your goal?
> 
> divorce or reconciliation?


I will post it in a minute and I think you'll find that reconciliation _this time_ is almost out of the question


----------



## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

With out knowing your complete story I'm going to assume that you have unconditional love for your wife so you let her screw around on you and then take her back. I have a sense that you are a Mr. nice guy and fail to stand up and show your WW (wayward wife) the tough love and consequences for her behavior. You are so affraid to lose her that you tolorate this crap.....I'm just guessing b/c I did the same thing for 13 yrs before I manned up and confronted my former wayward wife and stop tolorating her adultous behavior.

I could be off but lets see...please give us the details.


----------



## Headspin (May 13, 2012)

the guy said:


> With out knowing your complete story I'm going to assume that you have unconditional love for your wife so you let her screw around on you and then take her back. I have a sense that you are a Mr. nice guy and fail to stand up and show your WW (wayward wife) the tough love and consequences for her behavior. You are so affraid to lose her that you tolorate this crap.....I'm just guessing b/c I did the same thing for 13 yrs before I manned up and confronted my former wayward wife and stop tolorating her adultous behavior.
> 
> I could be off but lets see...please give us the details.


Bloody hell how d'you know that - quite close to the mark! I'm impressed


----------



## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Please do post the whole story...but honestly, from the summary, I can tell you that I don't hold out much hope for your relationship. Things just aren't that complicated.


----------



## Headspin (May 13, 2012)

Maybe I should give some background to my situation first. I'm 56 my wife is 36. I am 20 years older than my wife when we met I was 40 she was 20. I'll explain a little about us both as it is easier to see how this current situation has evolved 

About her 
(emotional, sparky, big warm personality, everybody loves her, nobody but her closest friends really know what she's like) 

She had severe issues and was in a well known mental health clinic just before we met. Her problems manifested themselves in self harming (cutting herself) anorexia, bullimia. Her mother was bit of a jealous bully 
(She kept the self harming from me at the start)

About me 
(more reserved generally but wear my heart on my sleeve (musician) , can be bolshy, emotionally as solid as a rock)

1st marriage - I married young to a woman who had severe mental health problems, a foster child, who had tried suicide numerous times before and during our marriage. Her insanity proved too much as I spent all my life working and looking after the kids which she could not do. We divorced after 7 years with two children. 

My 2nd main relationship was, as it turned out, to a serial, compulsive cheat. It crushed me completely when I found out the sheer magnitutude of that womans escapades. When we finished I realised I had to stay away from woman for a while just to clear my head emotionally. The year out I had alone from it did me the world of good and helped me feel you cannot tarnish all women with the same brush.

1996/7 I met my current wife, We fell in love. I being a young 40 and her being 20 but behaviorally older than her years, so it worked. She was the first person to love me for me for any faults that I may have and this was a wonderful feeling. Sex was incredible. We were both single and free to do as we pleased.

However I quickly realised she had big problems. The anorexia bulimia continued unabated and in a sense I felt just being there for her, living our lives around it was better than trying to impose a 'deal with it' upon her. I could never get to the bottom of it with her. She was young and understandably wanted kids so did I but I did not want to end up caring for them 24 hrs a day like my first marriage. She slept at times for 12/14 hours. (still does).

When we first met I felt she ought to get some job, any job really, that gave her week some focus so that she did not spend too long in self thought and analysis which she often did, so she got a part time job just for 8/10 hrs a week for 5/7 weeks. It helped her actually while some big money from my finished business waited to come through. 

We lived on money from my old business. We never had to work other than part time.

We then had two kids 5 years into the marriage which predictably helped her put some of her problems aside. Gave her more focus on babies who absolutely needed her to be a mother.

In our first major row in our marriage she was worried that I would not get a full time job to support us. I had become a bit lackadaisical in that respect. I started up private teaching which quite quickly helped. She also took a part time job which again was great. I tended to deal with the kids as it was easier for me to do so, my work often being evening work, hers being at nursery school times. 

However, she did’nt really do the kids after they got to about nursery age. I did that, working teacher part time as well. She had no family support. Her family are a bit weird in every aspect so my family have taken to her as a daughter.

This set the pattern and my work as musician performer become more and hers was always part time, which we felt was great for the demons in her head which would often surface . It would show itself in odd ways. We lived in a beautiful old cottage and she would suddenly announce “we are not worthy of this house” “ we don’t work hard enough to earn it” !! I had put nearly a £100,000 into this house in the beginning from my earlier business which was 24 hrs a day so I felt I had absolutely earned it. She also felt my work teaching piano was “not really work” - sitting there just watching people play the thing! 

And so I noticed a lessening of ‘respect ‘ for me that started alarm bells ringing. When she reached 30, 6 years ago, suddenly things changed. She announced she was “a woman” a real woman who had with my fantastic help and support become strong enough to take on bigger workloads. She started working in a theatre (part time) which as an ‘am dram’ youth star she wanted to get involved in. I encouraged her. 

In 2006 my father had a severe stroke and when I arrived home that day after being at his bedside for a week she announced she was in love with a man from work.!! I could’nt deal with all this. She decided to leave with the kids and moved into a small hse up the road. Within two weeks she was back pronouncing her stupidity when she was already with me, the “love of her life”. Again we settled down I put it down to mental ‘blip’



I was running a band at the time earning good money from it. 9 months later I got that dreaded feeling I remembered from before and sure enough she said she had been “seeing” my co singer - but it only amounted to a kiss. This really did it. I thought they had had sex and I went berserk - finished the band overnight and said she could go as I was not intending to go through the pain that I had with the other queen of adulterers I lived with before. She convinced me it was nothing just her demons in her head again.

That was 4 years ago. We carried on and the cycle was set. It would be fantastic for 4/5 months then collapse in a heap of recrimination from her that “I had let her work at that part time job 11 years ago when she was ill” That I had not got a job when the baby was born 8 years before. I had not done enough work and there was no respect there. She felt there was “a future for her with someone who can make her secure” She went to Relate alone , and we both did and it helped I think. She said it sorted out her demons about my lack of work and her growing resentment about her being ‘forced’ to work by me! Ten years before .

In 2009 suddenly my work fell through the floor, credit crunch and she for the first time got a full time job as it was easier for her to get these jobs that actually paid very well and she loved it too. I of course became a full time house husband who also taught part time. I dealt with everything around her job which was often 50 60 hrs a week. 

Now she started going out with work people and I heard about the odd snog or two at a club. Things sexually between us were still good, it always was until I could sense a reticence about it which effectively meant somebody else was sniffing around. The job became insane and the kids were not seeing her at all – she became a stranger to them. They’d see her in bed till 11/12 then off to work till the evening. I said it had to be different - to take the work hours down and she agreed it was all mentally going off inside her head. These cycles continued, complete collapse and criticism of me doing nothing, threats to leave “there are men out there wanting me to have an exciting life with”. Then “I realise I’m being stupid as I already have a man who is a fantastic husband and father who supports me in the things I want to do as well” 

A year ago after another episode (without another man) I basically said to her this is all about love - period. Really if you love me totally you won’t put me (and the kids) through this turmoil every 9 months or so. My view and faith was if two people love each other they will make it work and for the most part we had, until these complete down, depressed, manic periods suddenly descended out of the blue. Then it would start again. “We don’t deserve this lovely house and life we lead !!” We even put the house up for sale once because of it.!

Last year she was part time in two jobs amounting to 20+ hours a week while I had my part time teaching from home and of course dealing with the house and kids I fitted it all around the life she wanted to lead. I would preferred to have more work but this seemed to be the best balance – not too much work for both of us, quite well paid and leaving us time to do things as a family we enjoyed doing, holidays, events, simple family stuff Sunday morning strolls etc etc. When in the middle of this she seemed blissfully happy 

Last Sept she worked on a project as a performer and had to work with a leading man she introduced him to me at our house in Sept. They finished the project and things started to go rapidly downhill with us so that by Christmas I was asking about it and yes she had started something with him but “it was only a kiss”. I then got a bombshell email from his wife saying they had been having an affair and he had admitted to her they had sex at our house.

She denied it utterly “it was only a kiss” and she had “never had sex with another man whilst inside our marriage”. All the other stuff came up the “part time job from 15 years ago”!!!!! Jesus wept. “I never had a sexually liberated 20’s because I fell in love with you back then!…” “Right, I said, oh sorry about that, I seem to recall it being something you were happy to do back then and have been happy to do till now”. “I have” she replied

That was the end. New Year I had accepted we were parting. Then she said “is their anyway back, is there still hope for us?” I said after what you’ve just done I cant see it - you have to love me enough not to keep hurting me like this. She said she would give it a last go and against my better judgement we carried on

In January - March 1st it was fantastic - romantic trips to Paris and both of us agreed we really had turned a corner, our love life was the best ever, we were so in love we were like teenagers. My work started to increase and we still had her part time working on big town projects. She was well known in the press and publicly for her efforts in this field. She needed a particular qualified person to help with it and introduced him to me with his family at our house at the end of March. There was something between them I could see straight away and my heart sank as I know it had been so good between us. I could also see that his wife had come over with their son to have a look at this woman her husband was beginning to spend time with. The next day I said I wanted to talk about him she said “I know I know, I know what you are thinking but it’s not like that we are in the happiest place we’ve been for ten years” 

The next day (when I later uncovered everything) she met him in a pub and declared her love for him.

I could feel it slipping away again and by the end of April, three weeks ago, I confronted her. She denied anything saying she was having a “wobble” I said “I’m sorry but I want to look at your phone and emails and if there’s nothing to hide it shouldn’t be a problem.” She then collapsed in a heap admitting “there was somebody else and this time she was in love with him”, although you’ve guessed it, “we have only kissed and held each other” “but I am in love with him” 

Within two days I had packed her stuff and she was living in the very same place she went to 6 years ago. We share the kids.

I asked her about the ‘new love’ and apparently he was not going to leave his wife either. Jesus, what a choice. I said so it was all crap then when I thought it was so good this. “No, she said, it has been fantastic, the best, but the moment I felt an attraction to him I knew you and I could not be right”. .He is a ‘big player’, big house, partner in a firm, loaded and bored with his wife who is of course “uninterested in sex”!! yeah right.

I then uncovered all the emails, a lot of texts - they had secret accounts and of course the places, the innuendo, the things lovers do but all in secret and this time she actually had fun doing it aimed at me. I found she had her claws into him about two weeks after we got back from Paris. She started making work situations more personal and eventually he thought wow this gorgeous woman is throwing herself at me, I may as well go in!! 

Within two days of uncovering the whole sordid mess she was gone and we’d had that heart breaking conversation with the kids

She seemed as hard as nails once her love was established, still in conversation though admitting to me “16 years of marriage had been mostly brilliant”, “I was and am the love of her life” but she needs to have a different life with ‘her’ kids”. “One where she is forced to deal with them as she feels that’s what I do” Although I have never at any point not let her deal with them in any way she wanted. She simply does not ‘do’ getting up at 7 with them and getting the day started. Complete fallacy

That effectively is my tale of recent destruction with her. When I look at it in writing it just seems mad - her whole existence seems to be a paradox. 
“I want something different but every time I do that I realise I’ve already got the best I could have” 
“It is fantastic between us but once my head starts getting into this long term resentment stuff I look for somebody else.” 
“I have no respect for you. “You have never done a job to support us”. 
“I deal in the real world out there and it’s exciting, with exciting people, getting things done and when I look at you at home you have no motivation, no spark. I mention that actually the real world is here, her nice comfort zone away from all that excitement is here at home and she has started to think that this should also be as exciting as her “real world” but in reality home life is not like that at all - she’s having none of it.
“I know I should be happy I have everything a woman could wish for but I can’t be happy” 

“I want to deal with the home” (but actually she never does) “I want to deal with the kids” (but again never does) “If I was with them I would not be sleeping for 12 hours a day (often in the day) 

We share the kids and tbh it’s difficult as I am used to them every day - I miss them even if they are away for two days 
She even thought I would try to take them away from her completely as she admits “you have always been their main carer”. I have the house as its in my name and she’s struggling financially in this new and ‘better life’ in love with a man who will not leave his wife and lad.

Everyone seems to be saying she’s clearly severely ill. That’s as maybe but for me I still love her. God knows why and that fact alone just gets me more and more angry. I hate myself for still stupidly feeling it can work just because the good bits are so fantastic.Why am I still in love with somebody who can do this to me and the kids? And this time she has done what the previous woman has done, lying, cheating, deceiving callously going about her business - us taking her out on her birthday giving her a very special day that she spent mainly on the phone texting her new man about last nights grope in the a car park – with a smile on her face – simply unbelievable. When pulled on it she says “I hate myself for that” !! Not enough obviously

I can’t believe this is that same person who was so soft gentle albeit unwell that I fell in lobve with and married and had all these great times with. Now she’s as hard as nails. This ‘power’ woman who feels life at home should mirror life in the office it should be all singing, all dancing, fireworks.

She seems incapable in the workplace of dealing with any male attention. If she meets anyone it seems they all end up having a coffee and suddenly it’s all personal and leads to the obvious 

She is calling these ‘liasons’ flirtations and say “they are a symptom of how unhappy she is not the cause of our split. Since when did falling in love remain a flirtation or liason?

________

I have let the OM wife know saying I have conclusive proof about her husband’s part in all this. She wrote back saying I should not have told her, and that I and my wife are using them !! Christ! 

I thought that might make me feel better but actually my wife and him will probably just carry on as before. She will I suspect be the bit on the side - yep that also sounds like a “better life for her and the kids” 
As for his relationship - they are not actually married so maybe she wants to hang on to her lifestyle nomatter what he does.

Anyway being the ever present house husband I’ve been left in a position where she was the main earner and I am now needing to get work and money in just to cover our backsides - I can’t sleep, can’t eat, cant’ think. 
I feel completely desolate.

This feels even worse than the serial cheat I lived with because that person was always the same when we started I kinda knew I was taking a chance but this woman I have loved for 15/6 years has turned into that kind of person who can treat me the same way and I just simply cannot believe she could do this and become this so very different person 

It’s the third time as well that whoever I was with decided to cheat on me. What does that say about me. ? 
I don’t feel I‘m inadequate, obviously I’m far from perfect, who is, but in each of these relationships I’ve been a supporter of whatever these woman wanted - however they wanted to run their lives, whichever way they sought their dreams I’ve been completely behind them. Am I to trusting, what is wrong with me that they do this?. 

My current wife wrote in only February “only from your support have I achieved more than I ever thought possible professionally – don’t ever change” …..what words

Headspun


----------



## Numb-badger (May 18, 2011)

It's probably emotion over logic at the moment for you - please post your story and everyone will try to help.


----------



## Numb-badger (May 18, 2011)

Scratch my last post, too late


----------



## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Almost 3300 post just kind of gives mean edge.

The thing I like about your last post is that you are willing to let her go...that confidence is soooo important. It was that confidence that turned my marriage around.

So I'm sure you were like most and weren't the best husband, hence the willingness to take her back. But that kind of thinking has to stop. Your WW current behavior is the point and what you........well lets just say did you cheat on her? b/c what I say next will have some bearing on what I type next.


EDIT:
I just saw your last post give me a hour I'm kind of slow...even slower at typing and spelling. LOL


----------



## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

If you want a brutally honest opinion, divorce her and do your best to have the primary child custody.

I was going to say she has poor boundaries but reading your last post, she has none.


----------



## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

She sounds like a serial cheater and an eternal teenager.


----------



## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

This one is simple, divorce her as there isn't any love or respect there for you. There never has been as clearly she's been cheating for years.

I suspect you are the white knight kind of guy, attracted to emotionally selfish and mentally distrusted women, or what the Internet calls crazy. Yep good sex, but at the cost of your soul.

You've let her lie to you for years with her cover us. Frankly, the first kiss with another man should have been the end, but she's successfully gaslighted you for years.

Just now you see what you have been living with.

I would recommend DNA testing the kids, and some serious STD testing for you. And cut off any money and CC you share with her and get a tough lawyer to fight for your rights.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

You have a habit of picking up nutcases. That aside, sue her for sufficient alimony now that you sacrificed your career for the kids and make her take more responsibility for the kids to give you more time to pursue other endeavors.


----------



## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

This isn't about you as much as it is about her, she is broken and hasn't gotten the help she needed for being molested when she was a kid.
See when there is that kind of trama the victum never thinks there diserving of good things. they sabotage the good things they have with this "no diserving" mind set. I could be wrong but from what you wrote I suspect she has issues from daddy.

So I am asumming that she was a victom and believes she doesn't diserve her marriage so she cheats hoping you will leave but you haven't. (until now) Just like the house thing and her issues with that are the same mind set for her marriage.

So now she has this relationship and the only way to deal with the guilt is to treat you like crap and believe you are the enemy and she rewrites history so she can sleep at night.

IDK if my perspective is correct or not...I'm no pro but thats what I think your dealing with.

Until OM is out of the picture you are in a losing battle, she needs serious professional help and until she gets it you are in a losing battle. So those two things alone prevent you from ever having a healthy marriage and it sound to me that you are not in for a battle and it may be time to just let her go.


----------



## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

No More Mr. Nice Guy

I don't think your better off mentally than she is. Butif you are go here.

Also, if you want to know why she dumps on you go here for the blog and buy the book:

Married Man Sex Life | How to have the marriage you thought you were going to have. By which I mean doing it like rabbits.

If you can't do it for yourself do it for the kids.


----------



## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

If you want to know where the road you on leads check out sweet and sours threads.


I am pissed of as never before. ( 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 ... Last Page) 
SweetAndSour 04-30-2012 08:49 PM
by chapparal 212 13,559 Coping with Infidelity 
Mental, personality disorders and infidelity. ( 1 2 3) 
SweetAndSour 04-19-2012 09:58 PM
by cryin 38 1,564 Coping with Infidelity 
Masturbation without imagination ( 1 2) 
SweetAndSour 04-02-2012 02:23 PM
by phantomfan 15 658 Sex in Marriage 
Why are you here and what do you expect. ( 1 2) 
SweetAndSour 03-28-2012 12:57 AM
by AZMOMOFTWO 28 863 Coping with Infidelity 
I am thinking like a man and recovery is impossible 
SweetAndSour 03-20-2012 08:51 AM
by canttrustu 6 554 Coping with Infidelity 
It wasn't about sex..... yea right. ( 1 2 3 4) 
SweetAndSour 03-16-2012 02:14 AM
by Goldmember357 52 2,612 Coping with Infidelity 
A not so good Coping method, Being angry is better than being sad. 
SweetAndSour


----------



## Headspin (May 13, 2012)

chapparal said:


> If you want to know where the road you on leads check out sweet and sours threads.
> 
> 
> I am pissed of as never before. ( 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 ... Last Page)
> ...


I will check these out and it does seem there are more woman about like my wife, doing what they do, than maybe we all realize.

Thanks for the comments 

For me I know I should not do it but because of my love for her and knowing how good it has been I keep thinking of ways to fix it all, a different way of doing it so that she can't cross that threshold.

But deep down I know it's unworkable because of the deep rooted mental disorders she has

I have to accept that she cannot ever, will never be 'happy' as such, always looking for something else that will 'raise the bar' 

She even admits this "I just can't seem to be happy even when I know I have everything to make me happy"

The way these people seem to disregard the closest people is just staggering for me - the husband, the kids.Just so self centered

I have to hope the 'indifference' starts soon as that for me is the real sign of letting go.


----------



## jh52 (Apr 29, 2012)

Headspin said:


> I will check these out and it does seem there are more woman about like my wife, doing what they do, than maybe we all realize.
> 
> Thanks for the comments
> 
> ...


The definition of Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

Just read your POST again -- Good lucki !!


----------



## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

Your wife's mental health issues have nothing to do with you. But the fact that you find yourself attractive to these types of women do have to do with you. I don't want to come across as being bloody mean to you but look at your history when it comes to women. Your current wife is a arse, plain and simple. You expect to have an honest companion and you pick patients from the mental ward.

I know you. You are my youngest son. He has been in love with a girl for years. They lived togeter for a while and then he moved back home in December planning on renting our house when we move. He is a design engineer and a musician. He is the sweetest most grounded kid I know. Relaxed most of the time. His GF has anorexia. She has been very violent towards him. She moved South to be with her father months ago and is now back. She said she was the problem and needed time to get herself together and would be away for a year. My son was a mess. Threatened suicide. She was gone a few months and came back this weekend and she got nasty with him in our house and smashed our wooden dog gate. My son will not let this girl go. She is toxic and has severe MH issues. I don't understand my son's desire to be with her. I can't tell you the number of times I had to break up fights between them where she goes apesh*t on my son, scratches his face and he just takes it over and over again.

He will not listen to me to move on.

But my friend, you need to move on.


----------



## Headspin (May 13, 2012)

Thorburn said:


> Your wife's mental health issues have nothing to do with you. But the fact that you find yourself attractive to these types of women do have to do with you. I don't want to come across as being bloody mean to you but look at your history when it comes to women. Your current wife is a arse, plain and simple. You expect to have an honest companion and you pick patients from the mental ward.
> 
> I know you. You are my youngest son. He has been in love with a girl for years. They lived togeter for a while and then he moved back home in December planning on renting our house when we move. He is a design engineer and a musician. He is the sweetest most grounded kid I know. Relaxed most of the time. His GF has anorexia. She has been very violent towards him. She moved South to be with her father months ago and is now back. She said she was the problem and needed time to get herself together and would be away for a year. My son was a mess. Threatened suicide. She was gone a few months and came back this weekend and she got nasty with him in our house and smashed our wooden dog gate. My son will not let this girl go. She is toxic and has severe MH issues. I don't understand my son's desire to be with her. I can't tell you the number of times I had to break up fights between them where she goes apesh*t on my son, scratches his face and he just takes it over and over again.
> 
> ...


That's cool, you're not being mean

I know my history with women does say something about me but I tend to look upon myself as a very grounded man with a big heart and that maybe gives me the weakness towards the unwell type of women - I don't know, I've never really thought about it. In my naivety if I love somebody I tend to give it everything I've got and trust of course is a major part of it. 

I have to say trust for a woman right now from me after my three main relationships is at an all time low. It will take something very different I suspect to restore it in some way. I just cant think what type of person that has to be for me. S'pose I'll find out in time

Sorry to hear about you so,n although mine doesn't have the violence, the mood swings and decision making are on a par and it must break to your heart to see him going through it with her


----------



## Count of Monte Cristo (Mar 21, 2012)

Headspin, you're a fixer. That's why you keep attracting broken women. You're 56 years old. Time to break the cycle.


----------



## Martin12 (Apr 27, 2012)

She's anorexic? Give her a look up and down and tell her she's looking a little chubby. (just kidding)

It's over. The age difference would have made this happen sooner or later. You had 15 years.


----------



## Headspin (May 13, 2012)

Martin12 said:


> It's over. The age difference would have made this happen sooner or later. You had 15 years.


Why so? Because of our respective mentalities it's not really been an issue.

Obviously there are times when it does show itself but generally having a much younger wife and young kids since I was 40 has done everything to keep me 'young'. (they are boy 9 girl 8) I do (dodgy knee and back allowing) as much as is physically possible and generally I can match them for any activity 

Sexually I have always fullfilled my wife's desires (she concedes that even now) apart from when she is suddenly diving in and out of love with some complete stranger as in recent years 

I suppose one could say in later years, in my later 60's it may have become more of an issue but I don't really believe it has caused this - much more her mental problems I think


----------



## Headspin (May 13, 2012)

Count of Monte Cristo said:


> Headspin, you're a fixer. That's why you keep attracting broken women. You're 56 years old. Time to break the cycle.


Have to confess, it does look that way.


----------



## Martin12 (Apr 27, 2012)

Headspin said:


> Why so? Because of our respective mentalities it's not really been an issue.
> 
> Obviously there are times when it does show itself but generally having a much younger wife and young kids since I was 40 has done everything to keep me 'young'. (they are boy 9 girl 8) I do (dodgy knee and back allowing) as much as is physically possible and generally I can match them for any activity
> 
> ...


You think you're young and hip; you're not. I might be a very old 55, even if I am in very good physical shape, but I know I'm on the threshold of codgerdom attitudinally. You lose touch with youth culture.

More importantly, she looks at you as a reminder that she's getting old.

There are plenty of very nice women in their 40s who would be happy with you, though.


----------



## Headspin (May 13, 2012)

Martin12 said:


> You think you're young and hip; you're not. I might be a very old 55, even if I am in very good physical shape, but I know I'm on the threshold of codgerdom attitudinally. You lose touch with youth culture.
> 
> More importantly, she looks at you as a reminder that she's getting old.
> 
> There are plenty of very nice women in their 40s who would be happy with you, though.


I don't think I'm young and hip tbh but I'm definitely 'with it' in terms of culture and stuff - you have to be with kids of my age.

I think being a musician has always put me in this bracket -it tends to be a young persons industry and if you're teaching or performing this stuff you have to keep abreast of what's going on in it, so that I'd say it has had a positive bearing on my 'outlook'.

God, I'm not some disco diva - I wouldn't embarrass myself with such obviously young activity but most people are quite surprised at my age. I've rarely had friends of my own age to be honest even before I was married.

Have to say the idea of looking at woman of my own age does worry me - while when I met my current wife I was 40 and very much felt I was still in for anybody of any age. I do now realize that I can't be doing the same again.

Maybe that's the thing I need this time a different more mature mentality. 

I don't know. 

I fear I will try to stay clear of any woman for some time after whats happened here - the trust element of a being with somebody really does scare me s***less


----------

