# So what's the proper reaction to an Affair?



## Bandit (Feb 8, 2012)

This is kind of a loaded question I suppose, but what should be the proper reaction to an affair and/or how did you react when you found out?

I imagine there will be a stark contrast between male and female in regards to their initial response to learning of an affair.

As for me I found out wife cheated 3 years ago; initially I believe I was more angry than hurt and pretty much lost my shizt when she told me. Flipped a table, snatched her up etc.. I was mad and I will not apologize expressing my anger outwardly or basically blowing up.. From there, we had a brief reconciliation period where we tried to work on our issues, spend time together, have sex (ughhh, just had to swallow some vomit that was coming up).. talk, go out, etc..

Since that time things have basically tapered off and though we don't argue, we have ZERO intimacy, no holding hands, no I love you's, no kisses, nothing.. we live like two same sex housemates... I will admit that it is my doing as for some odd reason she disgusts me, I am repulsed by her. Accordingly we have not had sex in over a year.. Really all I do anytime an opportunity to be close arises is to think mean, horrible things about her.. I do love her but also believe I would rather dry hump a fire ant mound than have sex with her.. 

I guess I'm rambling, I just have no idea how to fix this...


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

You don't care for each other so just file for divorce and just move on with your lives.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

If I were in that situation I'd feel the same as you which is why it's a dealbreaker to me. Cheat on me and my attitude is don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out.

I wouldn't want to spend the rest of my life being repulsed by someone I was married to so that's why I'd have to end it.


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## Bandit (Feb 8, 2012)

Not sure, I guess my idea of marriage is to accept it for what it is.. "the slow and unstoppable death of your soul"

Both of my grandparents were married for 40+ years, and neither one of my grandfathers ever looked happy.. Just like a poor, tormented, and beaten soul. The shell of a man that once was.
I guess for the most part that I just figured that's marriage, and now that I'm there I just gut it out; day to day.. 

Also my parents where divorced when I was 9, dad beat the hell out of mom etc.. and suppose that getting a divorce would be admitting defeat or failing. I think of it like in todays society with so many divorces, your just suppose to gut it out, buck the trend.. Marriages are hard, and take work, and are really not about being fun. It's about making it through regardless day in and day out.. so that 20 years from now I can be that beaten soul (just like grandpa)...


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## Bandit (Feb 8, 2012)

Luckily we never had kids. That was never I thought that I entertained. I'm 35 now, so having kids is a mute point at this time..to old for that..

As for reward? Well I get to file jointly with the IRS, and do not have to lose half of my stuff.. It's cheaper to keep em'


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## Kallan Pavithran (Jan 17, 2012)

World is bigg yar it exist beyond the boundary of your home, with lot of good caring, loving and committed womens. They wont cheat like your who*e wife. They will really love and take care for you.

Divorce her and get a life, life is short enjoy it.


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

Bandit said:


> Luckily we never had kids. That was never I thought that I entertained. I'm 35 now, so having kids is a mute point at this time..to old for that..
> 
> As for reward? Well I get to file jointly with the IRS, and do not have to lose half of my stuff.. It's cheaper to keep em'


With no kids, it would be a no-brainer to divorce. Especially if you couldn't forgive her.

Look, you gave it your best shot. I'm as disdainful of our culture of frivolous divorce as anyone. But infidelity is universally accepted as a justifiable reason for divorce.

Even if it costs you half your stuff, why wouldn't you want to start having fun in life again? Date some women. You don't have to get married and have kids, but you could at least enjoy yourself.


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## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

Don't know about your grandparents. My wife's is the first face I want to see in the morning and the last I want to see at night. You're 35 and you're acting like you are 65. You mentioned about your soul? If that is the way you feel. Why would you stay? How long have you been married?


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## ArmyofJuan (Dec 29, 2010)

Bandit said:


> Luckily we never had kids. That was never I thought that I entertained. I'm 35 now, so having kids is a mute point at this time..to old for that..


Ha, you are still young, you could kids in your 70s if you wanted. I'm almost 42 with no kids but even I see that as an option later in life if I wanted (I don't).



> As for reward? Well I get to file jointly with the IRS, and do not have to lose half of my stuff.. It's cheaper to keep em'


It's also cheaper to keep that old car that barely runs than buying a new one but not nearly as fun.

There's a joke:
Why is divorce so expensive?
Because its worth it!

Life is too short to stay in a loveless marriage. You'd actually have more money single since you only have to pay for yourself. There's a million women out there that would have sex with you on a regular basis and not cheat on you so go out an find one (after the D of course). Marriage doesn't have to suck, mine doesn't.


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## AngryandUsed (Jun 23, 2011)

Bandit, how did you live like that for 1 year without even attempting R. How was it possible to get along in the same sex type living without having sex?

Is what you said true?


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## Bandit (Feb 8, 2012)

Initfortheduration said:


> Don't know about your grandparents. My wife's is the first face I want to see in the morning and the last I want to see at night. You're 35 and you're acting like you are 65. You mentioned about your soul? If that is the way you feel. Why would you stay? How long have you been married?


To answer your question 13 years;

I also think that complacency may have something to do with it. As not only do I lose half of my stuff, but I have to hit the reset button and start all over again. Dating a bunch of girls only to figure out what it is I do or do not like about them. At least in my current situation; albeit an unhappy one.. I know the person to the extent that I don't have to establish new routines. I also don't have to go through all the BS of meeting a new family, explaining about mine, or having drawers in my house re-arranged in the new girls attempt to nest.. I like the comforter I have on the bed now and don't want to go out and buy a new one (waste money), just so (we) me and whomever the new person is can have our own..


So basically it boils down like this: Yes I hate her and would rather masturbate with a cheese grater than engage in sex with her..

But we are not at war at the moment, we are cordial and we each do our own thing so to speak (activities and such). I work, come home go to gym, come home eat sleep and am not questioned about what I do and don't do.. there is at this point enough maturity in the relationship that it is understood that I can have guy friends, go out to a bar, whatever, without acting stupid or doing something I would regret

The new girl thing just seems like more trouble than its worth.. I like being able to go to Walmart by myself to grab something real quick (in out 5 min), without having to make it a his and hers bonding experience that will now take an hour.

I don't want to have to re-explain my life, and learn a whole new set of rules. I don't want my furniture re arranged, I don't want my dishes moved around. I don't want the deal with BS if new girl comes across some memento from a decade ago when I actually did have a good time with wife (picture, hat, ticket stub etc..) 
I guess I am hatefully complacent.. sad I know..


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## Bandit (Feb 8, 2012)

AngryandUsed said:


> Bandit, how did you live like that for 1 year without even attempting R. How was it possible to get along in the same sex type living without having sex?
> 
> Is what you said true?


It's absolutely true, and I don't know what "R" is... How is it possible?, Not as hard as you think I suppose, just stay busy...and after a while you establish a new routine of activities that keep you away from the house.. For me maybe a little easier as a pro fighter because I can dedicate myself to training.


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

You stay with a woman who repulses you because of her cheating because you don't want to rearrange furniture?

Man, what a waste of time!


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

*Dean* said:


> What will you do when she finds someone that makes her heart beat
> faster and she moves out and files?


:iagree::iagree::iagree:

Bandit you are in a fog of your own. You presume that you are her only choice when her affair should have opened your eyes that you are not and that she was looking for another man to replace you. If this keeps up, one day she will leave you, and she will take half or more of your assets - the longer you are married to her the more likely that you will become an indentured servant who will be ordered to pay her permanent spousal support while she has a great single life screwing other men left and right. Think about that.


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## Lone Star (Feb 2, 2012)

I don't believe there is a proper way to react to such pain and betrayal. Some of us are better at handling the situation than others. When the pain and betrayal hits you in the gut like a bomb you are not thinking as you normally do. The pain continues when you know your spouse is cheating but refuses to admit me, continues to tell more and more lies, continues the betrayal. It's rough either way it happens.


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## Bandit (Feb 8, 2012)

*Dean* said:


> What will you do when she finds someone that makes her heart beat
> faster and she moves out and files?


Good question and one I don't have an answer to at the moment.. Like I said we are both 'not at war' at the moment.. For 6 months it was like WW3 in the house. Snide comments, sarcasm, hurtful/hateful comments (mostly from me in retaliation I suppose for hurting my feelings so to speak).. It got to a point really where I was afraid I was going to do something seriously dumb.. Anyways it tapered off, I suppose once I ran out of things to get miffed about and after I had managed to say the same thing 18 different ways, and had poked and prodded every possible angle. Like I said, now it's kinda at the point of mutually assured destruction, no fighting, we are cordial to each other.. Have silent dinner on the couch, small talk about the news and that's about it...


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Bandit said:


> . Really all I do anytime an opportunity to be close arises is to think mean, horrible things about her.. I do love her but also believe I would rather dry hump a fire ant mound than have sex with her..
> 
> I guess I'm rambling, I just have no idea how to fix this...


Some things can`t be fixed they have to be replaced.

This is why I`m certain an affair would be the immediate end for me.

Way to much heartbreak to try to make it work after.


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## Bandit (Feb 8, 2012)

michzz said:


> You stay with a woman who repulses you because of her cheating because you don't want to rearrange furniture?
> 
> Man, what a waste of time!


I just don't want to turn my life upside down again and start over from scratch and have to learn a whole new set of rules and about a whole new persons flaws..

As for the comment about her eventually taking half later down the road.. maybe.. but I'm also the type that would have an estate sale while she was at work and spend our savings on a truckload of candy bars and park it in the hot Florida sun just to make sure everyone ends up with nothing.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

If you want to live in *LIMB*O the rest of your life, then that's up to you bud. To each his own.


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## Kallan Pavithran (Jan 17, 2012)

This guy definitely need some serious professional counciling


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

Just know there are consequences to bottling up your anger and resentment. One day you're just going to snap when it overflows.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Calmness and indifererence is the best way to react to an affair. I think when you get mad you justify her reason to sleep with someone less attractive then you. When you beg and cry, you justify her sleeping with a more attractive guy.

The bottom line IMHO is cheaters will alsways try to justify there affair, but when you act indifferent and with confidence you may get the wayward to second guess her choices.

Sorry you find your love for your wife digusting. Its looks like this can happen....I feel it sometimes in my case. I think I'm not going let her old behavior control my happiness so sex makes me happy and it helps. I suggest you get out this grove and work on being more intimate with you wife. In doing this it might help in healing. I get it you said you were disgusted with your fWW but are you disgusted with the old behavior or her apperence. I know it sound materialistic but sometime you have to get over the humb/ get out of this unhappy grove you are in.

You tell us you are staying married so you may as well have sex..start there it may come back.... Thats my $0.02 if you don't want a divorce, at least jump her bones for a quicky.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

I don't think there is a "proper" reaction. Everyone's experience is different and each person will react a different way.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

I'm deeply ashamed of my reaction.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

The 3 stages of grief:

Anger
Drinking
Bail


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## Bandit (Feb 8, 2012)

Kallan Pavithran said:


> This guy definitely need some serious professional counciling


huh? you need a green card... I have no desire to sit down and tell some weirdo about my inner most thoughts and feelings.. I most certainly do not wish to have some scrawny little glasses wearing nerd, who gets off listening other peoples stories of whoe asking me to mentally relive the hurt and tell him how I feel about it.. You go around picking scabs and the wound is gonna bleed.. Which forces me to go back to square one and deal with it all again... Additionally I have to pay to be made to feel like **** again or get mad again.. nah..

Counselors are just fools gold for folks not willing to deal with the issue themselves and/or looking for a magic bullet or panacea to fix things. I would much rather gut it out on sheer force of will than toi ever sit on the couch and become scribble notes on the doctors legal pad..


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## Bandit (Feb 8, 2012)

lordmayhem said:


> I'm deeply ashamed of my reaction.


what was it?


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

The opposite of what it should have been. Crying, begging, pleading, being needy and pathetic. Being a Beta Male.

Then I had my epiphany.


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

"R" is short for reconciliation.

Bandit, you have painted yourself into a false dilemma. You think you either have to be in a loveless marriage, or you have to try to court another wife. There are other options.

First, you could get divorced and stay celibate. That way, you don't have to deal with having a roommate that you merely tolerate. You know that everything is exactly where you put it.

Second, you could get divorced and date several other women casually with no intent of getting serious with any of them. A woman on a third date doesn't start rearranging a man's house. She doesn't ask to move in. She doesn't ask you to meet her parents, or ask to meet yours.

There is a lifestyle that will make you happy, if you're willing to find it.


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## Bandit (Feb 8, 2012)

the guy said:


> Calmness and indifererence is the best way to react to an affair. I think when you get mad you justify her reason to sleep with someone less attractive then you. When you beg and cry, you justify her sleeping with a more attractive guy.
> 
> The bottom line IMHO is cheaters will alsways try to justify there affair, but when you act indifferent and with confidence you may get the wayward to second guess her choices.
> 
> ...


That is something else that irked me; the dude was a total douche... skinny, little weasel with a skinny mans pot belly.. I would have broken him.. Not as attractive as myself.. (not trying to be shallow) but like I said I feel I am much more physically attractive than that dude..

<----The avatar is me in December..

As for why I feel disgusted it's not her appearance, she is very attractive.. It's just like spoiled meat, or milk that has turned.. its just gross.. I don't know why.. On one hand I do love her and am sure I would feel a loss without her, but on the other hand I'm like the "hell with her, that gross biztch".. 

Basically spinning my wheels in the sand...


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

So at least start banging your wife, get something out of this marriage, its just sex! Go for it....it may help the marriage and your happiness. It works for me and Mrs. the-guy


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Come on! After d-day you banged away and now your copping an addidute about screwing her. Really?


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## Bandit (Feb 8, 2012)

lordmayhem said:


> The opposite of what it should have been. Crying, begging, pleading, being needy and pathetic. Being a Beta Male.
> 
> Then I had my epiphany.


I went the complete other route, not that I think there is a right answer. I had my suspicions, did my research, gathered my evidence and then questioned her.. to which she of course vehemently denied until confronted with the facts.. I guess I kinda wanted her to lie or perhaps believe that there this was all just some huge cosmic coincidence and nothing actually happened. Twas not to be the case though.. I remember going numb when she started confessing and then got the feeling kinda like you get before a big fight.. All the sound around you turns into background noise, your ears get hot, you hands start to get cold, you can feel the blood pumping in your neck, you can hear your own heartbeat.. Your just focused within yourself and then "BOOM" I went 'Level 5' or scorched earth.. I didnt know what else to do, I wanted her to feel hurt, I wanted her to feel like I felt.. I flipped the table, snatched up our marriage license, letters we had written in the past to each other back during the in love phase.. pictures, videos, basically anything representative of us.. stuffed it all in a metal trash can and torched it; whilst she begged and pleaded for me not too.. I went into the bedroom and snatched a locket out of her jewelry case that her deceased father had given her that had some old pic of them together when she was a teenager and tossed it in the flames as well. I just wanted her to feel hurt, to be where I was.. Then of course you spend the next few days hurting yourself because you want to learn every little detail, poking and prodding.. the why's, trying to find a reason.. was he better, was his **** bigger, more money etc.. what was the reason.. all you end up doing is setting your self up for years worth of triggers.. for example the movie the davinchi code (I know I spelled that wrong) they went and saw that movie.. so anytime I see it in the channel listing I get pissed.. All the little details that hindsight being 20/20 you with you would have never asked about.. Additionally you seek out new and more inventive ways to hurt her feelings (like taking her old but otherwise healthy chihuahua to the vet to be put to sleep) because again you want her to feel hurt, sad, like something has been taken from her, you want her to understand pain.. You act completely out of character.. Prior to this whole thing I was always very loving, soft touches, tickle games, surprise dinners, or surprise clean the house for her.. I did the dishes regularly, took out the trash etc.. worked hard, paid the bills, and let her indulge more than myself (flying in one of her family members on her bday, getting her that pair of shoes she mentioned in passing while you were at the mall to let her know you were listening etc.. I worked hard and communicated well, always asking how her day was, what was on her mind etc.. Additionally I am an Alpha type guy so she felt secure with me, I could provide and protect which is what I thought I was supposed to do.. I mean somewhere it changed and the long descriptions of her day turned to not much, and the answer to what are you thinking about turned to 'nothing' and the how are you turned into a 'fine'.. I mean I would understand if I did something wrong, but I did not.. I almost felt like I was to nice to her.. like I should have just been a **** to her the whole time as that for some reason seems to keep women around.. women that stay with guys that beat them and all.. I mean the whole thing made me crazy...



the guy said:


> So at least start banging your wife, get something out of this marriage, its just sex! Go for it....it may help the marriage and your happiness. It works for me and Mrs. the-guy


After D-day and the begging and pleading on her part I did... I was trying to reconquer lost ground, take back my territory. Primal I know (grunt grunt thumps chest) I banged her every which way from Sunday in an attempt to restore my own confidence or something I don't know.. But it was empty.. half the time I could not even reach completion.. not due to a medical issue, just mental I guess.. kinda like trying to eat a sandwich but the breads all wet.. Sure your hungry and take a couple bites and then your like what am I doing this is gross and give it to the dog.. from there it 'petered off' (colorful choice of words).. I wasn't into it as I couldn't get a nut anyway. Then some kind of switch flipped and I just started looking at sex with her as a vile act, just gross, repulsive, gag a maggot, turn your stomach sickening. I mean its not about hey let me bang her without emotion so I can bust a couple nuts before this thing is over. Its not that way at all.. I wish it were that easy.. I could easily do that with some strange chic, empty, emotionless boning.. not a problem.. but we have a history and there is emotion there. Mostly hurt I guess how can you give pleasure to someone that shrunk your heart into a little shriveled up beef jerky strip of resentment?



the guy said:


> Come on! After d-day you banged away and now your copping an addidute about screwing her. Really?



I explained above, not copping an attitude.. At that time I was trying to recapture lost territory.. plant my flag a bit higher on the mountain than the other guy.. but after I recaptured the land I discovered that the enemy had salted the fields and nothing fertile would grow there again.. It was just a vile land of full of scorched trees, sand and decaying animal parts..and the occasional tumbleweed.. It's a mess, all I have figured out is that women will make you crazy and can take an otherwise healthy man and kill him from the inside, rot him to the core from the inside out...


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

lordmayhem said:


> I'm deeply ashamed of my reaction.



I regret my reaction (well, half of it, I did get some of it "right"), but I am not ashamed and neither should you be. No one taught us how to react, we just well...reacted. It's trauma, pure and simple. Instinct kicks in and instinct is rash and extreme and usually the wrong way to handle things. Most of us who come here can say the same thing.


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## wizer (Feb 8, 2012)

You're going to stay with a woman who cheated on you and who only confessed after you confronted her with irrefutable evidence, a woman who you have no intimacy with.. all because you don't want to give away half your stuff?

In case you didn't realize this, if you split up, you don't NEED all that stuff. And you'll probably meet another person who not only has a bunch of their own stuff but who will have intimacy and sex with you and who won't go screw some other guy and lie to you about it.

Let's cut to the chase. You're SCARED to start all over again so you choose the life of eternal misery with the devil you know.

No thanks.


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## AngryandUsed (Jun 23, 2011)

Almostrecovered said:


> I regret my reaction (well, half of it, I did get some of it "right"), but I am not ashamed and neither should you be. No one taught us how to react, we just well...reacted. It's trauma, pure and simple. Instinct kicks in and instinct is rash and extreme and usually the wrong way to handle things. Most of us who come here can say the same thing.


AR, :iagree:

1. In your opinion, who handled the infidelity the best way in this forum?
2. Should we run an opinion poll who were compassionate in dealing with it?


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

AngryandUsed said:


> AR, :iagree:
> 
> 1. In your opinion, who handled the infidelity the best way in this forum?
> 2. Should we run an opinion poll who were compassionate in dealing with it?



1) even the best had their slip ups- but shamwow was a good example of turning his life around in an expedient and dignified manner. But also consider Sham had us. Sham himself will likely admit if he wasn't on TAM he would've been rather beta himself.

2) I'm confused by the question. I think the best way to handle infidelity is to be dispassionate to a large degree. Note dispassionate is not mean nor angry.


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## AngryandUsed (Jun 23, 2011)

Almostrecovered said:


> 1) even the best had their slip ups- but shamwow was a good example of turning his life around in an expedient and dignified manner. But also consider Sham had us. Sham himself will likely admit if he wasn't on TAM he would've been rather beta himself.
> 
> 2) I'm confused by the question. I think the best way to handle infidelity is to be dispassionate to a large degree. Note dispassionate is not mean nor angry.


I was suggesting that we may run an opinion poll to find out the number of people who believe that they handled the situation in the best possible way.


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## Bandit (Feb 8, 2012)

wizer said:


> Let's cut to the chase. You're SCARED to start all over again so you choose the life of eternal misery with the devil you know.
> 
> No thanks.


Your right, I am terribly scared of starting all over again.. I fear the dating world.. I have learned that the grass is the same color or worse on the other side of the fence. I mean, I'm 35.. my fighting career is in its twilight and I make more now being a paid sparring partner now than I do competing. No more 50k payouts in my near future, so I can't lean on my athletic prowess anymore.. The younger kids are coming up and there as hungry as I was and faster now than me.. So that's a chunk of my existence that I'm losing.. 

I look out at the potential dating landscape and at 35 it looks like a post apocalyptic world. Women all have kids, or are divorcees with trust issues, their bodies are not tight anymore, 3 decades of gravity have taken their toll.. There is some other dude involved and picking up her kids every other weekend, she will probably end up banging babies daddy at some point. I know all my divorced friends who have kids end up banging baby momma or baby daddy again at some point.. regardless of whether or not one or both of them is in a new relationship.. A recap of the good old days, IDk..

Additionally if you do find a woman in this age group that is not or has not been married and does not have kids, then something is for sure wrong with her.. better park your truck in the garage and buy a gun if you break up with her cause she is probably a nut.. or I could shop younger and get a woman that has no kids, no past husbands, a tight body and nothing intellectually to offer me at my current age as I have probably been there and done that.. It just seems bleak... I guess I want the unrealistic and just want my wife back before all of this, the woman I used to know and have, who I have shared years of my life with, who was there through injuries, recoveries, big wins and crushing losses, there through the death of my family members, and I her, the woman that was there when I buried my dog of 14 years.. the one that was so happy to see me each time I successfully came back from Iraq and Afghanistan. That really worried about me and made me feel valued.. I swear she has got to be in there somewhere.. I'm not the exact same as I was 15 years ago, but my concern, caring and love never wavered.. it all happened for with no rhyme or reason.. again I ramble.. argggghhhh


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

AngryandUsed said:


> I was suggesting that we may run an opinion poll to find out the number of people who believe that they handled the situation in the best possible way.


I'm sure a handful of the one-note "GET A DIVORCE" posters like dexter would answer yes, but the rest of us wouldn't


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## wizer (Feb 8, 2012)

Bandit said:


> I look out at the potential dating landscape and at 35 it looks like a post apocalyptic world..3 decades of gravity have taken their toll.. There is some other dude involved and picking up her kids every other weekend, she will probably end up banging babies daddy at some point... better park your truck in the garage and buy a gun if you break up with her cause she is probably a nut.. I guess I want the unrealistic and just want my wife back before all of this, the woman I used to know


Wow your negativity and probable depression is just bleeding thru your posts. Women in your age range are victims of 3 decates of gravity and there's some other dude involved who is the father of her kids and she'll be banging him for sure, and there's a good chance she's a nut. Meanwhile you're holding on to the past, the woman you think you knew before is dead for all practical purposes, if she was ever there at all.

I'm late 40s and have been divorced and single for 5 years and I have met lots of wonderful, fit, reasonably sane women who are completely disconnected from their ex's even if they share child care responsibilities, and I have had several long term relationships with a new one just starting to pick up steam.

It amazes me how many available single women are out there and I only communicate with those who are in good shape and have the looks as well as the personality and share the interests that I like.

There's a lot of life after divorce or long term relationships, but attitude is everything. It can make you or break you.

The "grass is greener" syndrome doesn't typically apply to dead end sexless relationships filled with infidelity such as yours.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

I suggest you shake this wow as me crap and realize your confidence in your future and owning the sh!t your wife should own is effecting you out look in life.

We make the choice to be happy or to be un happy, so being accross the country from you I can afford to say man up LOL and stop letting this b*llsh*t define who you are going to be for the rest of your life. It looks like you are making the choices your grandpa made and that messed up. Make your choice to be happy and stop looking at the glass half empty.

I'm just saying ...get out of this funk your in and make life happen for you. No body owes you a thing.. you have to go get it.

And BTW thanks for your service to this great country!


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## Bandit (Feb 8, 2012)

Hey thanks for the words of encouragement, and I suppose I know what should be done, but saying it and doing it are totally different things. Especially in matters of the heart and in light of the fact that we have been together for what seems to be eons. IDK, I did look at some website (singles site) one of the more popular ones and as I suspected I got messaged by A)dudes -gross b)women in their 50's, c)divorcees with luggage looking for a baby daddy or d) chics under 25 that just wanna hang out and which I probably would not relate to very well.

Alas it is what it is I suppose, and I'll just suck it up, accept my own choices and stop *****ing about it... --Semper Fi


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## river rat (Jan 20, 2012)

Hey, man. Lighten up on yourself. Life is good, or at least, it should be. I've been in the frame of mind that you seem to be in. You can come out of it if you work on yourself. Your choice. As for marriage, it should be caring about and caring for each other. I don't see any of that in your post. Move on. See what else is out there for you.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Bandit said:


> To answer your question 13 years;
> 
> I also think that complacency may have something to do with it. As not only do I lose half of my stuff, but I have to hit the reset button and start all over again. Dating a bunch of girls only to figure out what it is I do or do not like about them. At least in my current situation; albeit an unhappy one.. I know the person to the extent that I don't have to establish new routines. I also don't have to go through all the BS of meeting a new family, explaining about mine, or having drawers in my house re-arranged in the new girls attempt to nest.. I like the comforter I have on the bed now and don't want to go out and buy a new one (waste money), just so (we) me and whomever the new person is can have our own..
> 
> ...


Yea OK but.....

I can't wait till you meet some woman who knocks you back to jezzzus before you can drop and roll. 

You'll get all giddy, get a quickie divorce, give 1/2 to the ex and consider it cheap. 

The happy smile on your face when you gaze into her eyes after 2 hrs of looking for the right vitamins at Walmart will seal your fate. She will be "the one" 

Come back and tell us about it.


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