# Hubby refuses sex and denies me sex toys



## GoodGirl (May 8, 2009)

I have an earlier thread that is Help hubby refuses sex. I have been contemplating a vibrator for a while to off set my frustrations so I can think clearer and help us sort through this. I picked one that is small so there is no disparity to his manhood.( I do not enjoy overly large men so I picked one with my preferences in mind) When spouse found out he got mad, and now is not talking to me. Did I do something wrong. I have never wanted one of these so I do not know the normal conduct for this in a relationship. I did not ask him to participate with me, knowing he would say no. I am an attractive woman who takes care of herself physically. So this refusal of sex is not because of my body, I also weigh less than when we got married. It is really the idea of me enjoying sex that seems to be abhorrent to him. At least that is what it seems to me. I think there is this virgin Mary thing he views me as. he talks of his great respect for me daily, and how blessed he is that I am his wife. He is also overly affectionate cuddler. 

So did I do something to make him feel inadequate as a man?


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

I think you should carry on looking after you, and let him nurse his own ego. After all you would not even be buying toys if he were more attentive.

Or... you could tell him you'll get rid of it if he is willing to replace it with himself. Don't let him belittle you.


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## trev (May 23, 2009)

my wife has sex toys its not a problem !! in fact i like to use them with her tell him to try that to .


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## GoodGirl (May 8, 2009)

I would enjoy anything that would bring him to more intimacy with me, however it would be an emphatic NO. He is not into explorations. I will mention that I am willing to enjoy these things jointly if he would like, just in case he would say yes. 

To MT I will try to look out for me, but in the two years I have known him he has never been this angry. He is such a calm guy normally. I am not sure how to handle him. He won't even look me int the eyes today.


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

GoodGirl said:


> To MT I will try to look out for me, but in the two years I have known him he has never been this angry. He is such a calm guy normally. I am not sure how to handle him. He won't even look me int the eyes today.


Don't let him break you. You are free to walk away at any time.


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## Happyquest (Apr 21, 2009)

You have the right to bring yourself pleasure any way you see fit. Tell him to get over it or do something for you so you dont need it. He can not deny you sexual relief. He agreed to be your one and only partner when you got married. He has left you no chose but for you to find an outlet. Toys are way cool. Use it in bed next to him and see if it doesnt peek his interest


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## biggirl (May 25, 2009)

Hi I am new to the forum and I just wanted to say that I have a similar problem and will keep an eye on this thread to see if and what advice is given.

Biggirl


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## amberlynn (May 24, 2009)

I look at it this way, you wouldnt need sex toys if your husband would do the job right. Ive got sex toys, and my hubby uses them on me. I love it and so does he. So yeah, maybe you should use it on yourself next to him in bed and see what reaction he has, theres no way a man can refuse to watch his wife please herself unless hes gay..


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## GoodGirl (May 8, 2009)

Maybe I will use the toy next to him see if he notices I am a woman. Then again maybe that is the problem I am female. I just don't know any more where I am with him. I have been single for 8 years waiting for a man I could love. he had all the qualities I liked. My mamma always said about marriage was take him for a test drive first. She said you wouldn't buy a car without test driving it why would you marry a man without checking him out. We waited until after marriage. My mistake.


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## snix11 (Sep 25, 2008)

amber, my hubby must be gay then  Even tho he says one of his biggest fantasies is to watch a woman then participate, not only did he not do anything, he rolled over away from me to read his book!

Then when i didn't quit, he suggested I 'take it to the other room' so as not to bother him. 

Sometimes the laying in bed next to him idea doesn't work so well.


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## amberlynn (May 24, 2009)

haha! my husband enjoys it...he watches then joins LOL i couldnt ask for a better sex life! I could ask for it to last a little long then 30mins.. but we both get our fixes so why complain...


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## Happyquest (Apr 21, 2009)

Go get a HMW then your husband will then have something to complain about. I got my wife one and love to watch her use that thing. Talk about and orgasm machine. In the time it takes me to get going she has already cum about 5 times. LOL. She is in trouble though when I get that machine in my hands. I take her to the edge a few times and make her beg me to allow her to cross it. Too much fun. Not a toy you want to break out when the kids are in the house.:rofl:


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## daddymikey1975 (Apr 18, 2009)

Happyquest said:


> Go get a HMW .....


what's HMW ??


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

Hitachi Magic Wand. I use a Homedics massager, though. Wall powered, no batteries.


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## Earthmother1970 (Oct 10, 2008)

daddymikey1975 said:


> what's HMW ??


Hitachi Magic Wand, I believe....look it up on Amazon.com...you can buy anything on Amazon...:rofl:


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## snix11 (Sep 25, 2008)

woo hoo... wall powered.. lol... and I thought the two stroke engine model was good 

man my legs are sore today... hard to reach those spots by yourself sometimes...


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## Your Sex Toys (Jun 1, 2009)

You should be buying toys that suit YOU, not your husband. It is really silly for men to be jealous of a sex toy!


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## GAsoccerman (Mar 24, 2008)

I can also vouch for the Hitachi Magic wand, the Vibrator of vibrators...my wife LOVES hers and it is on constant standby plugged in next to our bed.

She will use that puppy for HOURS when I am not home.

best gift I wver bought her, this is her second one, she wore out the first one. :smthumbup:


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## Rhea (May 16, 2009)

GAsoccerman said:


> I can also vouch for the Hitachi Magic wand, the Vibrator of vibrators...my wife LOVES hers and it is on constant standby plugged in next to our bed.
> 
> She will use that puppy for HOURS when I am not home.
> 
> best gift I wver bought her, this is her second one, she wore out the first one. :smthumbup:


LOL! :lol:


GA your posts make me smile, I'm lovin the :smthumbup: at the end. You and your wife sound like an awesome couple


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## GoodGirl (May 8, 2009)

Hello and good news, after the stunned silence from my hubby over the sex toy he shook it off and became his kind loving self. Still without the sex though. I brought up no sex between us again and reminded him I could pleasure myself he need not bother to try. Thats where we made headway. He said he needed sex too. Could have surprised me. Well after a week of negotiations and getting him to open up about his hang ups with the threat of pleasuring myself and denying him I finally learned why our sex was at a stand still. It is a combination of his culture, religion, and lack of sexual experience that was affecting him. Once I realized he found me incredibly sexy my confidence soared. I never knew he was as needy for sex as I was. With the continued threat of no sex we got to the bottom of it all. I learned the approaches he would respond to well and have implemented them. Now our sex life is as great as the rest of our marriage kind loving, and giving. He is still no marathon man yet I am getting 14 minutes or more increased time from his original 1 minute do the duty routine. With some spice added prior to sex I can usually climax. We are on the road to my marital dream happiness. Thank you all for the advice and the strength I needed to stand up for myself and gain my confidence back.:smthumbup:


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## GAsoccerman (Mar 24, 2008)

way to go Good girl...

My wife was a very "good girl" but it was my duty to "dirty her"  :FIREdevil:

20 years later I am still breaking down barriers.....But hey it's fun! :smthumbup:

I remember the first time I used a vibrator on her she almost passed out from the intense orgasms she had.

the best though is when the kids are not home and she can be "vocal" the other afternoon was a good oppurtunity...forgot the windows were open as one of our neighbor strolled by with their granddaughter in the carriage.......oops. we had to chuckle.


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

GoodGirl said:


> We are on the road to my marital dream happiness. Thank you all for the advice and the strength I needed to stand up for myself and gain my confidence back.:smthumbup:


This is fantastic news, and just goes to show that when a man is behaving like this, it's no use "beating around the bush".


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

hmmmm, feeling like I need a date with my massager!


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## Star (Dec 6, 2009)

snix11 said:


> amber, my hubby must be gay then  Even tho he says one of his biggest fantasies is to watch a woman then participate, not only did he not do anything, he rolled over away from me to read his book!
> 
> Then when i didn't quit, he suggested I 'take it to the other room' so as not to bother him.
> 
> Sometimes the laying in bed next to him idea doesn't work so well.




OMG WTF??? if my OH ever did or said that to me I think I would tell HIM to "F" off to another room or better still to another country!!!


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## Raemay38 (Dec 12, 2009)

OMG! are marriage sounds so much the same I deal with the same lack of sex issue and my husband likes to cuddle alot so we are in same boat. I once bought a dildo but he made me get rid of it why because he was jealous of it. Quess he didnt want to think of me as a Freakie kinda sex addict who knows. I love sex in the beggining of my marriage things were great two times a day then over the years it decreased to now once a week. Some women may think Im ok with less sex not me I have high sex drive and he does not. How else are we going to please ourselves if our husbands take it away they may regret it. I read if you take away sex in a marriage it causes adultry and divorce and even therapist say the same thing if your not willing to please your wife and show her you love her. Men make her feel sexy and loved your ruining your marriage Men who are reading this and have no sex drive or no desire ok so wake up or your marriage may not last.
I had to vent I so know how you feel gal enjoy the dildo in a seperate bedroom when he is not home or no kids around if you have any. Personally a dildo didnt do it for me I tried not as good as real thing.
Its up to us to decide if we want to stay in a loveless marriage me Im still debating myself.:iagree:


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