# What works for us, and what works for you?



## Taxman (Dec 21, 2016)

Hi everyone. I'm brand new here, however I used to be a member at SI. I won't get into it, but some people...

Plus, there are no forums for marriages that are bopping along nicely, thank you. Which brings me to my subject. We have been together for 41 years, married for 39 almost. What we always do, is what used to be called, "****tail Hour". Now, that does not mean that we drink every night, nope. Once in a while yup, but mostly, a coffee, sometimes a cigar (for me, but occasionally her too, thats my girl), and an hour spent decompressing from the day. Everything under the sun gets aired out, and because we have related to one another, the evening is more than pleasant. Some rules, first one through the door makes dinner, unless my day has been rough, and then I make dinner (rattling my pots and pans is extremely therapeutic.)

The other thing is "date night", usually out, just the two of us, or I get the gourmet bug, and do something adventurous at home. (Learning basic Indian cuisine) Followed by lovemaking.

I think, that we had horrible difficulties early on, and worked through them, that we found ways of keeping it new and fresh. Be interested to hear from others.


----------



## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Taxman said:


> I think, that we had horrible difficulties early on, and worked through them, that we found ways of keeping it new and fresh. Be interested to hear from others.


I don't know if I have ever seen things worded this way, but I think one of the biggest problems to watch out for in a marriage is *entitlement*! As in feeling entitled to sex and entitled to your partner making a genuine effort to try and enjoy things when a problem occurs. 

A typical spouse may insist that a certain frequency of sex is needed in the relationship to avoid frustration. This can be done, but most try and use entitlement as a means of accomplishing this and everything blows up. Instead it needs to be done with modesty, respect, and from a place of asking your partner to help you. 

Regards, 
Badsanta


----------



## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

badsanta said:


> I don't know if I have ever seen things worded this way, but I think one of the biggest problems to watch out for in a marriage is *entitlement*! As in feeling entitled to sex and entitled to your partner making a genuine effort to try and enjoy things when a problem occurs.


Meh, what you call entitlement I call expectations.

REASONABLE expectations like:

I expect my SO to shower or bath daily.

I expect my SO to maintain a normal body weight.

I expect my SO to indulge in a healthy sex life with me.

Etc. Etc. Etc.

These should be communicated VERY early into a relationship. So it is CLEARLY understood.

If down the road expectations are not met, you address them or if they refuse, you move on.

Getting sucked into a codependent relationship where you are at the mercy of another's painful behavior?

Never again. I have too much self worth for that.


----------



## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

BetrayedDad said:


> Meh, what you call entitlement I call expectations.
> 
> REASONABLE expectations like:
> 
> ...


----------



## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

Who could say no to that face?!?


----------

