# Wife lied about wanting oral sex



## MarriedInMaine (Dec 7, 2016)

Ok folks, I'm looking to get some advice on a rather difficult situation I've found myself in. So my wife and I have den married since 2010, we met in 2004 and we're both in our early thirties. From the start of our relationship I had always been very clear with her that I enjoy giving oral sex. She was always ok with it and early on seemed to enjoy it, but soon she was never excited about it and would only participate if I brought it up. As the years went by more and more she has refused to let me perform oral on her, and the times she did, it was for mere minutes at a time ... about a year ago after fighting about this issue she reveals to me that she has never enjoyed receiving oral sex, she does not like the feeling and is uncomfortable with how it makes her feel self conscious despite the fact that I tell her how much I enjoy her and her body. I'm feeling trapped, tricked into a marriage with a sex life I did not want. I voiced these concerns and she had nothing to offer...what do I do?


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

How important is it to you?


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

Four words: Marital bait and switch


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

Would you enjoy giving her oral sex because you enjoy the actual act (oral) or because you get enjoyment from giving her pleasure? 

If it's the former, then just ask her to lay there bored and motionless, and tell her to tell you when it's uncomfortable or painful for her. 

If it's the latter, then find something else she finds pleasurable, and do that instead. 

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## KJ_Simmons (Jan 12, 2016)

If she doesn't want it, then don't give it. Her loss, and one less thing to worry about before you get to business. Focus on your needs for a change.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Focus on what your W does like and make the best of that you can. 

Just a note, I have noticed with my W that the more aroused she becomes the "no holes" barred it gets. Perhaps getting your W completely and utterly aroused to the point where 2 minutes of oral takes care of her business and satisfies you is something to try.

Also, tastes(no pun) change over the years. My W was not really into anal play and as of late she is exploring it to the degree that is turns her on. Married 21 years and just getting around to a change or two in sexual tastes.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

You won't be the first nor the last person married under false pretense...you were basically sold a bill of goods...she lied....she flat out lied to get you to marry her. so the ball is in your court...now you could tell her that since she lied to you that you do not trust her. and she what she says....you could also say that you have decided to divorce based on her lying...and see what she says or you can tell her that you want permission to get your oral needs else where since she lied to get married to you...and again see what she says.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

*DRAMATIZATION:*

I am a very proud waffle chef from Belgium. I pride myself in gluten free waffles and when I met my wife, she claimed that she really really really really enjoyed them so we married. She first learned about about my famous waffles back in 2004, but sadly today in 2016 she is no longer able to repetitively enjoy them anymore. I keep cooking her my famous waffles, but they are now piling up all over the freaking house. I feel like she is a complete fraud and lied to me now for over ten years about loving my waffles so much. I don't even know who I am any more, or why somebody would do something so horrible to me.

*REALIZATION:*

Just maybe I am going to try and make her a crepe with ham and swiss, but learning something new makes me feel vulnerable. My wife seems really excited that I am going to try this for her!

Badsanta


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## MrsAldi (Apr 15, 2016)

MarriedInMaine said:


> Ok folks, I'm looking to get some advice on a rather difficult situation I've found myself in. So my wife and I have den married since 2010, we met in 2004 and we're both in our early thirties. From the start of our relationship I had always been very clear with her that I enjoy giving oral sex. She was always ok with it and early on seemed to enjoy it, but soon she was never excited about it and would only participate if I brought it up. As the years went by more and more she has refused to let me perform oral on her, and the times she did, it was for mere minutes at a time ... about a year ago after fighting about this issue she reveals to me that she has never enjoyed receiving oral sex, she does not like the feeling and is uncomfortable with how it makes her feel self conscious despite the fact that I tell her how much I enjoy her and her body. I'm feeling trapped, tricked into a marriage with a sex life I did not want. I voiced these concerns and she had nothing to offer...what do I do?


Did you have children together? 
Maybe she's gone self conscious since things changed. 

How long do you want to perform oral for? 
30 minutes, 60 minutes? 
How do you know that she's really enjoying it?
How do you know that your technique is really good and is giving her a pleasurable experience? 

Are you looking at it on porn and trying to copy that technique? 


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## peacem (Oct 25, 2014)

> she does not like the feeling and is uncomfortable with how it makes her feel self conscious despite the fact that I tell her how much I enjoy her and her body.


Try again right after bathing together or applying coconut oil or lick-able lube (or chocolate). Not so much for your benefit but to give her confidence that it tastes and smells nice. Most heterosexual women do not know what it is like to be that close to our bits so it is common to worry and feel self-conscious about it. 

Check your technique and try a few different things - what one woman finds amazing another woman does not. It took years for me to like it but only when I taught him what I do like, and only then after we practiced different things.

You can buy sex toys that simulate oral. She may want to experiment on her own to find out what she likes and help you to copy. There is one that simulates sucking and another with various speeds that feel like licking.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

MrsAldi said:


> Did you have children together?
> Maybe she's gone self conscious since things changed.
> 
> How long do you want to perform oral for?
> ...


All excellent questions. Specifically how do you know she actually enjoys it? Some will perform acts to satisfy their partner and claim it was great but not really caring for it.


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## MrsAldi (Apr 15, 2016)

Yeswecan said:


> All excellent questions. Specifically how do you know she actually enjoys it? Some will perform acts to satisfy their partner and claim it was great but not really caring for it.


I avoided oral sex for years, you can't enjoy it if you're are self conscious about things regarding your vagina. 

So it's likely she enjoyed some of it but can't orgasm because she can't let go, so will get frustrated or feel disgusting when he's down there, so maybe it's easier for her to avoid the whole thing. 

If he's copying stuff from porn, it may make her feel like he's just being selfish and satisfying his own needs. 

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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

OK, OK, OK, I'll just tell you what you want to hear!

Get your tongue pierced! Get a vibrating tongue ring... That should fix everything!

https://www.amazon.com/Vibrating-Tongue-Stainless-Piercing-Batteries/dp/B014H0MTRA


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## MrsAldi (Apr 15, 2016)

badsanta said:


> OK, OK, OK, I'll just tell you what you want to hear!
> 
> Get your tongue pierced! Get a vibrating tongue ring... That should fix everything!
> 
> https://www.amazon.com/Vibrating-Tongue-Stainless-Piercing-Batteries/dp/B014H0MTRA


Is there another accessory you can get without doing a piercing?  

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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

MrsAldi said:


> Is there another accessory you can get without doing a piercing?


You could probably put a vibrating cøck ring around your tongue...









@MrsAldi do you need me to research this and get back to you?

>

Badsanta


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## MrsAldi (Apr 15, 2016)

@badsanta 
My tongue? I was thinking of his tongue! 
You just gave me a few ideas!  

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## TAMAT (Jun 20, 2015)

MIM,

Did your W lie to you about achieving orgasm when you gave her oral?

Did your W like getting oral from someone else?

Is your W able to orgasm in other ways?

I think the answers to the first two questions will help you to decide to stay in the marriage or not. 

Tamat


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

MrsAldi said:


> @badsanta
> My tongue? I was thinking of his tongue!
> *You just gave me a few ideas!*
> 
> Sent from my B1-730HD using Tapatalk


 @MrsAldi 

Please share to help the OP!


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

badsanta said:


> OK, OK, OK, I'll just tell you what you want to hear!
> 
> Get your tongue pierced! Get a vibrating tongue ring... That should fix everything!
> 
> https://www.amazon.com/Vibrating-Tongue-Stainless-Piercing-Batteries/dp/B014H0MTRA


Ick.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

bandit.45 said:


> Ick.


But @bandit.45 just imagine trying to eat while wearing a vibrating tongue ring???

OMG, TAM may have just been the first to discover a new fad diet to help everyone loose weight. I bet everything tastes annoying as shît if you try to eat while your tongue is vibrating. It is going to become a billion dollar diet industry and a boon to oral sex in marriage!


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## peacem (Oct 25, 2014)

@MarriedInMaine - when you do oral do you use something inside her like a glass dildo or a rotating vibrator?. I discovered that I enjoyed oral a lot more if my gspot is stimulated at the same time. 

I suspect the reason why it is so important to you is because in the early days she was faking how good it was and in turn that made you feel highly aroused. You could always start from scratch and learn something new that really does it for her and learn to be aroused by that. Rather than being annoyed at her you could see it as a new opportunity to try different things. Agree to be strictly honest with each other from now on. Have a talk with her in a fun way and see if there is anything she has been wanting to try. With sex the options are endless.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

MarriedInMaine said:


> Ok folks, I'm looking to get some advice on a rather difficult situation I've found myself in. So my wife and I have den married since 2010, we met in 2004 and we're both in our early thirties. From the start of our relationship I had always been very clear with her that I enjoy giving oral sex. She was always ok with it and early on seemed to enjoy it, but soon she was never excited about it and would only participate if I brought it up. As the years went by more and more she has refused to let me perform oral on her, and the times she did, it was for mere minutes at a time ... about a year ago after fighting about this issue she reveals to me that she has never enjoyed receiving oral sex, she does not like the feeling and is uncomfortable with how it makes her feel self conscious despite the fact that I tell her how much I enjoy her and her body. I'm feeling trapped, tricked into a marriage with a sex life I did not want. I voiced these concerns and she had nothing to offer...what do I do?


*May I ask if she have any burning desire or conversely, any inherent problems in performing oral on you? 

If so, to what degree?*


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

MarriedInMaine said:


> Ok folks, I'm looking to get some advice on a rather difficult situation I've found myself in. So my wife and I have den married since 2010, we met in 2004 and we're both in our early thirties. From the start of our relationship I had always been very clear with her that I enjoy giving oral sex. She was always ok with it and early on seemed to enjoy it, but soon she was never excited about it and would only participate if I brought it up. As the years went by more and more she has refused to let me perform oral on her, and the times she did, it was for mere minutes at a time ... about a year ago after fighting about this issue she reveals to me that she has never enjoyed receiving oral sex, she does not like the feeling and is uncomfortable with how it makes her feel self conscious despite the fact that I tell her how much I enjoy her and her body. I'm feeling trapped, tricked into a marriage with a sex life I did not want. I voiced these concerns and she had nothing to offer...what do I do?


Oral sex is interesting, in that there absolutely are 'wrong' ways to do it, which heavily depends on the receiver.

It took my wife years to tell me I was 'too sloppy'. Up to that point, it still worked for her, but nonetheless, I wasn't doing it the right way - for her. It also took ME years to tell her SHE wasn't doing it the way I liked it - even though it 'worked'. Since telling her this, it now takes less than 2 minutes to finish this way, as opposed to the 4 or 5 (or longer) it used to. Win-win.

My ex wife had a hyper-sensitive clit, as in, touching it directly caused pain. It probably took her about a year to actually tell me that. Up to that point, she just quietly suffered, I guess.

Point is, many people think there's something wrong with them if their partner are doing things the normal way, yet it doesn't work for them. In my case, my wife's oral skills were right out of a porn movie - that's what it looked like. I'm sure it worked just fine for other people, so why not me? In her case, she didn't get much oral sex from previous partners, and now she was getting plenty from me, so she probably felt bad complaining. With my ex wife, she probably didn't want to feel like she was broken.

Furthermore, as already mentioned by someone else in this thread, oral sex for women is best enjoyed after being sufficiently turned on. Going straight for the clit isn't recommended. There are still times when I jump the gun with my wife, and she lets me know. Not only that, but inhibitions (for example, body image issues) tend to go out the window once one is highly turned on.

Unlike men, women don't generally get sufficiently turned on as quickly as we do. It takes us seconds to get hard, and we're good to go, that's all we need. It's a slower process for women (a lot of it mental, too), not just in terms of being ready for intercourse, but also for direct clitoral stimulation.


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## mary35 (Jul 18, 2010)

You may want to take a look at this

What Men Think about Sex Versus Reality - Dr. Psych Mom

especially #3 and #4

Is your issue with her only about her not wanting you to give her oral sex - or is there more to this story.


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## mary35 (Jul 18, 2010)

jb02157 said:


> Four words: Marital bait and switch


Not necessarily - because of the newness factor, she may have been more aroused easier and it felt OK then, and helped override some of her hangups about it. Plus doing the same thing over and over gets boring. His technigue may not be right for her - as pointed out by others. Lots of factors could be contributing to this 

The OP said "She was always ok with it and early on seemed to enjoy it, but *soon she was never excited about it* and would only participate if I brought it up. As the years went by more and more she has refused to let me perform oral on her, and the times she did, it was for mere minutes at a time ..."

They were apparently together 6 years before they married. Was "soon" after the marriage or before?

He then writes - "about a year ago after fighting about this issue she reveals to me that she has never enjoyed receiving oral sex, she does not like the feeling and is uncomfortable with how it makes her feel self conscious despite the fact that I tell her how much I enjoy her and her body"

Just cause she said she never enjoyed it - does not mean NEVER - especially given that they were fighting about it. She could have enjoyed it at first. Its typical in fights to use phrases never, always, etc. - and usually those qualifiers are inaccurate.

And also - things change - what may have felt Ok for awhile - can all of a sudden not feel all that good later for many reasons. 

Oral sex is usually performed on woman to give them pleasure - and its a side benefit if it also gives the man pleasure. Unless oral sex is a fetish he needs to perform to be able to enjoy sex, I don't really understand why he is so upset? If it's not something he needs to do - and everything else is good in the marriage - then perhaps it would be more productive for him to move on finding other things that do give her pleasure instead of staying angry and trying to get her to submit to something she says does not feel good to her.


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## peacem (Oct 25, 2014)

Also when we are young and inexperienced we don't often know what is good and what is meh because we don't have a great deal to compare it with. There is also (as with men too) an element of getting pleasure from pleasing. So we may not be really into a particular sex act but the idea that this is erotic for our partner is enough to make us think we enjoy it. Then as time goes on it gets boring and we need something new.


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## mary35 (Jul 18, 2010)

Quite frankly - sometimes I like oral and sometimes I don't. It definitely does not feel as good as it did when we first started doing it - when it was new and exciting. Now, I have to be aroused first for it to feel good - and even then sometimes it still doesn't feel good. And yet - other times, it feels fantastic. 

We went through a period where my husband thought giving me oral sex should be foreplay. I had a hard time getting him to understand that it does not work that way for me. It may work that way for him - either giving or getting oral usually turns him on quickly. That's the problem a lot of times - its hard to see past what we experience ourselves which makes it hard to understand what the other may be experiencing. 

Bottom line though - if something you are doing clearly does not feel good to your spouse - don't keep doing it! It's just that simple. But it's OK to revisit it now and then (cautiously) - because things do change!!!


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

I enjoy pleasing my wife, but if I like doing something that she does not, I'd give it up - sadly, but I would. It is more important if something is lacking that one of us really needs to enjoy sex. To reverse your situation, if she loved oral but I hated to do it, we'd have a problem. I suggest you focus on pleasing her in other ways that she does like - if that doesn't work for you though, then you don't have any good options but to move on.

My (ex) wife lied about wanting sex. That was a real deal breaker, but it took time to reach the point of giving up all hope and leaving.


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## zookeeper (Oct 2, 2012)

Not the hill to die on.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Resentment is a marriage killer. And making Disrespectful Judgments about her (assuming she says or does something for a particular reason when you really have no idea) are the fastest way to kill a marriage. Because you are deleting real communication. Do so at your own risk.

Just sayin'.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

turnera said:


> Resentment is a marriage killer. And making Disrespectful Judgments about her (assuming she says or does something for a particular reason when you really have no idea) are the fastest way to kill a marriage. Because you are deleting real communication. Do so at your own risk.
> 
> Just sayin'.


Couples should really learn to reserve resentment, disrespect, and misassumptions only for the most advanced forms of sexual foreplay after you have been together for at least a few decades. THEN you can start using those things to spice it back up, but just a little at a time! 

>


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## peacem (Oct 25, 2014)

badsanta said:


> Couples should really learn to reserve resentment, disrespect, and misassumptions only for the most advanced forms of sexual foreplay after you have been together for at least a few decades. THEN you can start using those things to spice it back up, but just a little at a time!
> 
> >


Angry sex is rather special. It confuses my husband.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

peacem said:


> Angry sex is rather special. * It confuses my husband.*


There you have it folks! The ultimate form of a wife's sexual validation... to leave her husband sexually thrilled and confused simultaneously! 

Badsanta


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

badsanta said:


> But @bandit.45 just imagine trying to eat while wearing a vibrating tongue ring???
> 
> OMG, TAM may have just been the first to discover a new fad diet to help everyone loose weight. I bet everything tastes annoying as shît if you try to eat while your tongue is vibrating. It is going to become a billion dollar diet industry and a boon to oral sex in marriage!


Why not just staple my nutsack to a table? 

No one is punching a hole in my tongue. :cussing:


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

badsanta said:


> OK, OK, OK, I'll just tell you what you want to hear!
> 
> Get your tongue pierced! Get a vibrating tongue ring... That should fix everything!
> 
> https://www.amazon.com/Vibrating-Tongue-Stainless-Piercing-Batteries/dp/B014H0MTRA


Possibly TMI but one of my college boyfriends had a pelvic piercing which was nice but would probably fall under the awesome category with a vibrating ring like the one pictured. 

However, it was his nipple piercings that totally did it for me. Those things were like pacifiers. 

H has looked into get his nips pierced but they are too small . 

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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

Who told him they were too small? Mine are tiny, and I had one pierced for the better part of 12 years.


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

farsidejunky said:


> Who told him they were too small? Mine are tiny, and I had one pierced for the better part of 12 years.


It's been a while but he went to a very well known tattoo/piercing place where we live. IIRC, they also said his areola skin was too thin??? They didn't flat out say they couldn't do it but they said it wasn't going to come out the way he wanted it to. So he dropped it. I couldn't convince him to get a ladder 

Eta : why did you pull it out? Did the piercing close correctly? 

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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

It was good to go for years. They are expressly prohibited by the military, and I had to go through a tattoo inspection, which was an annual thing, so I took it out. When I went to put it back in a couple of hours later, it had closed up on me.

I probably could have forced it in. It wouldn't have been the first time. However, my son had just turned 5, and I was getting to the point where I didn't really want to have to explain to him why I had a ring in my nipple.


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

farsidejunky said:


> It was good to go for years. They are expressly prohibited by the military, and I had to go through a tattoo inspection, which was an annual thing, so I took it out. When I went to put it back in a couple of hours later, it had closed up on me.
> 
> I probably could have forced it in. It wouldn't have been the first time. However, my son had just turned 5, and I was getting to the point where I didn't really want to have to explain to him why I had a ring in my nipple.


Ahhh, makes sense. And yes, explaining that to a 5 year old is probably an awkward experience at best. 

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## Absurdist (Oct 10, 2014)

farsidejunky said:


> Who told him they were too small? Mine are tiny, and I had one pierced for the better part of 12 years.



Uhhhhh.... why exactly? :scratchhead: I reckon I just don't understand.

I guess I'm an old geezer. A few years ago a young associate lawyer showed up in the office with three ear piercings. I politely explained to him that on his own time he could adorn himself however he chooses. But now he was on our time and he had five minutes to become unadorned or in six minutes he would be looking for a new job at a new firm.

I'm probably a jerk but I have the gold so I make the rules.


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

Absurdist said:


> Uhhhhh.... why exactly? :scratchhead: I reckon I just don't understand.


I can only answer from the perspective of a woman who likes them, but they are fun to suck on. Plain and simple.



Absurdist said:


> I guess I'm an old geezer. A few years ago a young associate lawyer showed up in the office with three ear piercings. I politely explained to him that on his own time he could adorn himself however he chooses. But now he was on our time and he had five minutes to become unadorned or in six minutes he would be looking for a new job at a new firm.
> 
> I'm probably a jerk but I have the gold so I make the rules.


Not saying that you're not entitled to enforce whatever dress code you choose to at your office but there's a difference between that which can be seen and that which cannot. You may have lawyers in your office right now with body piercings or art that you wouldn't know about unless you've seen them unclothed. Different strokes for different folks.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

farsidejunky said:


> Who told him they were too small? Mine are tiny, and I had one pierced for the better part of 12 years.


You can pierce anything if you're brave enough.


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

Lila said:


> I can only answer from the perspective of a woman who likes them, but they are fun to suck on. Plain and simple.


This, @Absurdist.

In my wild days it was a ton of fun to see how a new girl would react to them; wonder, curiosity...


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

I_ love_ cooking and creating / adapting recipes of my own. Some years back I created a really good vegetarian casserole, which my SO loved so much that he talked me into making it several times a week, which I did to please him... After a while, though, I became so thoroughly sick of that dish, that even thinking about it now conjures up images of it and makes me feel queasy...

I didn't trick my SO by agreeing to make that dish so often, and he certainly doesn't feel trapped in a casserole-free relationship, because it's so rarely on the menu these days. We prefer to cook food that we can BOTH enjoy and, let's face it, there are so many interesting recipes out there - why stick to one particular dish?

(PS This post isn't _really_ about food....)


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

it is surprisingly common for a woman to NOT want oral sex. Sometimes they do not like the feeling. sometimes the feeling is TOO intense for them. Sometimes they are afraid of their smell/taste. Some are just grossed out in general.

sorry, but that is the way it is. Maybe she THOUGHT she would like it, but after many times stopped liking it. People do change/grow over time. 
So...find something else to do. How about some nice breast bondage???


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## Absurdist (Oct 10, 2014)

Lila said:


> I can only answer from the perspective of a woman who likes them, but they are fun to suck on. Plain and simple.
> 
> 
> 
> Not saying that you're not entitled to enforce whatever dress code you choose to at your office but there's a difference between that which can be seen and that which cannot. You may have lawyers in your office right now with body piercings or art that you wouldn't know about unless you've seen them unclothed. Different strokes for different folks.


 @Lila absolutely different strokes for different folks. I am certain that many in our firm have body art and piercings but they are concealed. I would probably admire some of them. The young man with the three rings was visible to all. We represent old school, old money people. None would be very comfortable and likely would not return. My job is to maximize revenues and if something impairs my stream of revenue, out it goes.

Question. Is it the nipple you like to suck or is it the ring?

Sorry OP. Your cunnilingus thread devolved to nipple rings, tats and old curmudgeonly geezers.


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

Absurdist said:


> Question. Is it the nipple you like to suck or is it the ring?


It was the whole thing. He wore small gauges kind of like this guy. 










At the end of the day, I'm sure it was the novelty that got me excited. 

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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

That just looks like it's going to snag on a Christmas sweater and give that guy an awful day.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Um, I have a pair of earrings just like those.


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

Fozzy said:


> That just looks like it's going to snag on a Christmas sweater and give that guy an awful day.


Hun, it would be a sin for a man with a body like that to cover it with a Christmas sweater. >:wink2:


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## TAMAT (Jun 20, 2015)

Perhaps we should've waited until we know the poster a little better before turning his thread into a joke thread, I believe this isn't a funny or trivial issue to him.

Tamat


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

TAMAT said:


> Perhaps we should've waited until we know the poster a little better before turning his thread into a joke thread, I believe this isn't a funny or trivial issue to him.
> 
> Tamat


It's been two, almost the three days, since he made his post. If the OP wanted to be taken seriously, he'd come back and answer some of the questions asked. 

This is what happens when one abandons a thread after their initial post. 



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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Lila said:


> It's been two, almost the three days, since he made his post. If the OP wanted to be taken seriously, he'd come back and answer some of the questions asked.
> 
> This is what happens when one abandons a thread after their initial post.
> 
> ...


Definitely a drive by post, that or the OP was shamed to learn that sometimes after over ten years of the same thing that something that once was great can get boring and irritating. Anyway back to our fun!

@Lila you should encourage your husband to use more "herbal" remedies often that are well known for making men start to grow breasts. If your husband's nipples are too small, here is an image of one guy that allowed that to get out of hand and had to get corrective surgery to make his chest more masculine again. In the before photo, you can see that he should have been an ideal candidate for getting piercings, and then he could have hit the gym instead of the knife and it would have been awesome for you! 










Now you and your husband have a "special project" to get to work on!


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## MarriedInMaine (Dec 7, 2016)

What's important to me is that she is not willing to offer any solution, I make the attempts the please her, and it seems like little reciprocation


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## TAMAT (Jun 20, 2015)

MIM,

Do you mean that she does not achieve orgasm in any way other then receiving oral?

Women not wanting to talk about sex aspect is painful , it's similar to men not wanting to hear about not fixing things.

Tamat


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## MarriedInMaine (Dec 7, 2016)

Ok so if it's worth anything, thanks to those who cared enough to give sincere responses, and thanks to those who's provided comical inspiration. So to answer some of your responses questions,...I don't think I'm stupid enough to assume that what happens in porn is actuall good technique to try on my wife, so that's not the issue at hand here. She has always found it difficult to allow other people to give her orgasms. In truth, she's never been able to let anyone give her an orgasm. Even with the use of toys I can get her close but she says that she has to be the one to finish it. She says for her it's always been this way. For me, she was my first and only sexual partner and I feel I had convinced myself to be ok with her finishing herself because I was just happy wth getting sex, at that time any sex at all. We are now year into our marriage and it frustrates me to no end to feel like she can't just let go of her stress or insecurities enough to allow herself to receive pleasure....also oddly enough she has this odd aversion to any sound associated with oral sex, on the occasion that she's trying to enjoy receiving some oral sex, any sound the slightest of sound and she's done, no more can't stand the sound, it sounds funny but she won't even listen to our cats cleaning themselves or drinking water to the point that she will put up their water dish when we are eating dinner so that the cats can't drink while we are eating because she says she can't stand the licking sound. ....It's not an after kids thing because , although we have one child , we adopted him because she has pcos and can't have children , so it's not like her body changed at all ....any advice...how weird is this.?


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

She needs therapy.


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

MarriedInMaine said:


> Ok so if it's worth anything, thanks to those who cared enough to give sincere responses, and thanks to those who's provided comical inspiration. So to answer some of your responses questions,...I don't think I'm stupid enough to assume that what happens in porn is actuall good technique to try on my wife, so that's not the issue at hand here. She has always found it difficult to allow other people to give her orgasms. In truth, she's never been able to let anyone give her an orgasm. Even with the use of toys I can get her close but she says that she has to be the one to finish it. She says for her it's always been this way. For me, she was my first and only sexual partner and I feel I had convinced myself to be ok with her finishing herself because I was just happy wth getting sex, at that time any sex at all. We are now year into our marriage and it frustrates me to no end to feel like she can't just let go of her stress or insecurities enough to allow herself to receive pleasure....also oddly enough she has this odd aversion to any sound associated with oral sex, on the occasion that she's trying to enjoy receiving some oral sex, any sound the slightest of sound and she's done, no more can't stand the sound, it sounds funny but she won't even listen to our cats cleaning themselves or drinking water to the point that she will put up their water dish when we are eating dinner so that the cats can't drink while we are eating because she says she can't stand the licking sound. ....It's not an after kids thing because , although we have one child , we adopted him because she has pcos and can't have children , so it's not like her body changed at all ....any advice...how weird is this.?


FWIW, my ex wife would always finish herself, too. I never once brought her to a clitoral orgasm in 14 years (gspot, yes).

As I've mentioned, my ex wife had a hyper-sensitive clit, which would be painful if touched. This meant that if I were anywhere near it, she'd tense up, in case I accidentally touched it. I'm sure we all know the feeling.

She couldn't O through PIV. Oral sex on her was mainly to provide lubrication, and as I said, without touching the clit at all. PIV was pleasurable and she enjoyed it, but the O had to come from her own hand (vibrator, again not directly touching the clit, so usually on her labia/hood, which covered the clit. As she had control, she could get herself there).

She was a control freak ANYWAY, so even without a hyper-sensitive clit, she probably would have preferred it this way.

I'm going to take a stab in the dark, and say that your wife simply wants to be in control of her own orgasms for whatever reason. She may have realized years ago that it's simpler and maybe even quicker if she does it. She's not wrong, as almost all of us can get ourselves off far quicker, in most cases, then our partner can. We know EXACTLY what we want at that exact time.

Obviously it's not nearly as fun for the other person, though. And in most cases, we feel somehow inferior. Even though my inability to get my ex wife off had NOTHING to do with me, it still didn't make me feel good. I don't recall ever asking her if other people before me were able to get her to O, but I don't think so. It sounds totally weird, but I'd be curious to know if her current husband can or not. (I don't REALLY want to know, lol)


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## josephddiazz (Sep 20, 2016)

OP, sometimes in life we have to take a step back and look at ourselves. If your wife is getting uncomfortable maybe there is something that you can change to make her feel better.


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## flyer (Jun 23, 2014)

We were married for 30 years before my wife would let me do oral on her. Then one evening, I started moving "that" direction. I asked her "do you mind"? She said "if you want". So, I did my thing and she's been loving it ever since. 

It's the most enjoyable tasting juice we've ever tasted. She had never O'd before.
This past year and a half has been the best of our married life.


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## TX-SC (Aug 25, 2015)

Dang, when I read this post I had to actually check and make sure it wasn't one I wrote and forgot about. My situation is very similar. My wife just does not like oral sex. I LOVE going down on a woman, and especially her. But, she finds it gross and prefers electronic devices. So, I don't get to do that. 

Here's the thing... I want my wife to really enjoy sex and not dread it. So, I don't push the issue at all. If she is not comfortable with it, we don't do it. End of story.


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## Dannip (Jun 13, 2017)

TX-SC said:


> Dang, when I read this post I had to actually check and make sure it wasn't one I wrote and forgot about. My situation is very similar. My wife just does not like oral sex. I LOVE going down on a woman, and especially her. But, she finds it gross and prefers electronic devices. So, I don't get to do that.
> 
> Here's the thing... I want my wife to really enjoy sex and not dread it. So, I don't push the issue at all. If she is not comfortable with it, we don't do it. End of story.


Summary: there are two people in your marriage. Not one.


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