# Vibrator use during sex



## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

My wife is the type of woman that finds it difficult to O during PIV without direct clit stimulation. I usually use my fingers, but lately I have been using a vibrator along with PIV. Her O's have been earth shattering, which is great.
My question is, how often should I use the vibrator for this. I am afraid that if I do it too often, it will be difficult for her to get an O with PIV and finger stimulation.
Maybe I should use a ratio of 2 days on 2 days off sort of thing?
Perhaps I should not be using a vibrator at all?


Thanks for your advice.
This place is wonderful !!


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

This is a question for your wife.


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

Faithful Wife said:


> This is a question for your wife.


I would also like the opinion of others.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Ok but you realize, we women are all different and have no idea how it feels for your wife, what works, what doesn't, how often she would want it....etc.

Our opinion on this particular issue is of value because...?

That's an honest question.


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## maritalloneliness (Mar 18, 2015)

I have never had an O with PIV but with toys have been able. Started as individual play but brought it to the bedroom with H. For me, it's now something I rely on and noticed that I need a more powerful vibration to have an intense O. I think it's possible to get dependent on toys but if the ultimate goal is to reach the elusive O, it's not a problem for me but talk with your wife. Her opinion is what matters.


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

Faithful Wife said:


> Ok but you realize, we women are all different and have no idea how it feels for your wife, what works, what doesn't, how often she would want it....etc.
> 
> Our opinion on this particular issue is of value because...?
> 
> That's an honest question.


My wife HATES when we talk about sex. If we talk about it, all the intrigue for her disappears. Unfortunately, I am on my own here. I know this sounds stupid, but she wants me to figure out all this stuff on my own. Thank GOD for the internet! I'm learning and want to learn more to be the best lover possible. If she does not like it, she will tell me, but that's it.

Your opinion is of extreme value, to me.

Specifically, regarding the vibrator, I do not want to use something and it become a crutch for our sex life. Then again, maybe that's OK too. I don't know. 

Inquiring minds simply want to know.

How about if I say PLEASE?


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

On this particular issue, I just feel there's too much difference between women's bodies to offer anything that can be relevant to her specifically. I am usually happy to offer advice, I just don't have any on this one.

My only advice would be to your wife, and that would be "you should talk about sex and each of your bodies and what you each like with your husband".


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

maritalloneliness said:


> I have never had an O with PIV but with toys have been able. Started as individual play but brought it to the bedroom with H. For me, it's now something I rely on and noticed that I need a more powerful vibration to have an intense O. I think it's possible to get dependent on toys but if the ultimate goal is to reach the elusive O, it's not a problem for me but talk with your wife. Her opinion is what matters.


My wife can O with PIV (exclusively) maybe once in a 100 times.

She can O with PIV and finger stimulation 99% of the time.

I don't want to ruin PIV and finger by using vibrator too often.

For lack of a better analogy, the vibrator is crack and I don't want her to become a crack addict.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening all
Just one data point. When we introduced vibrators into our lovemaking, my wife gradually lost the ability to O in other ways. Thats OK, we can use toys all the time, but it is possible to get desensitized.


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

richardsharpe said:


> Good evening all
> Just one data point. When we introduced vibrators into our lovemaking, my wife gradually lost the ability to O in other ways. Thats OK, we can use toys all the time, but it is possible to get desensitized.


Thank You!
That is what I thought.
I will use it sparingly. Better to mix it up anyway.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

UMP said:


> Thank You!
> That is what I thought.
> I will use it sparingly. Better to mix it up anyway.


This. I would definitely not use all the time but mix in periodically. This is what my wife and I do. Honestly sometimes it is better with a toy so I can sit back and relax, can get tiring having to work lol.


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## AlternateUniverse (Oct 2, 2013)

Been married 29 years and always have had PE. A couple of years ago when I again suggested toys to satisfy her. She finally said OK and said she realized with my problem she would be happier if she was satisfied.

I have total freedom to buy anythine that I think might work. She does not even want to see them or know what I am using.

This has worked wonders and we use them every third of forth time.

After much research I have made lots of headway on my PE and sex is better than ever. According to both of us.


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

UMP said:


> Thank You!
> That is what I thought.
> I will use it sparingly. Better to mix it up anyway.


I think what FW was saying above (and that I agree with) is that this should be up to your wife. She doesn't have to talk about this with you. Just have sex like you normally do, and if she wants the vibrator, she can get it/ask for it. If she's too shy (or whatever) to do this during sex, then frankly, it's her prerogative, not yours.

While your "job" is to please your wife during sex (and hopefully vice versa) it is also her job and yours to communicate what each of you want whilst having sex. Again, if she's too shy or embarrassed to communicate what she wants during sex with her husband, that's her prerogative.

Personally, I wouldn't be terribly concerned with her becoming desensitized due to vibrator usage. What I WOULD be concerned about is her lack of communication with you in the bedroom. If she's lying there hoping to god that you use the vibrator on her because she wants an earth-shaking orgasm, then she'll tell you. It may not be that time, or the time after that, but eventually, if she wants it enough, she'll speak up - which is good. At some point in the future, she'll ask you or she'll grab it herself, or at the very least, she'll ask you why you stopped using it on her during sex.

My wife sounds a bit like yours - she doesn't talk about or discuss sex, either. In bed, she's actively passive (or passively active), if that makes sense. She doesn't talk, or ask for something, or guide me in any way, shape or form. She gets off pretty much no matter what, but there are definitely times when I know I've done something she was probably hoping I'd do, yet didn't ask me to do. (certain position, speed, whatever).

If she'd actually communicate these things to me, she'd have a great time EVERY time, instead of a good time with the occasional great time thrown in. I've talked to her about this, nothing changes, so I'm at the point now where I feel that it's her loss. If she's not willing or able to say "do this" or "do that" or "let's do it this way", or otherwise guide me in the direction she's feeling at that time, then I can only guess and otherwise just do my thing. Like I said, her loss. She can have potentially great sex every time, rather than good, or "okay", if she'd only just open her mouth.

I suggest you take the same tact with your wife. If the orgasms with the vibrator are THAT good, and she goes without it for long enough, I'm sure she'll eventually say something, or guide you to it, or at least hint at it.


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## Happilymarried25 (Mar 19, 2014)

UMP said:


> Thank You!
> That is what I thought.
> I will use it sparingly. Better to mix it up anyway.


I agree with this. I also don't O during PIV but have no desire to use a vibrator when with my husband, I want him in me not a toy. I O during oral sex and then we do PIV. After I O during oral sex I'm so sensitive there I can't handle being touched any other way but PIV because it's not a direct touch.


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

alexm said:


> I think what FW was saying above (and that I agree with) is that this should be up to your wife. She doesn't have to talk about this with you. Just have sex like you normally do, and if she wants the vibrator, she can get it/ask for it. If she's too shy (or whatever) to do this during sex, then frankly, it's her prerogative, not yours.
> 
> While your "job" is to please your wife during sex (and hopefully vice versa) it is also her job and yours to communicate what each of you want whilst having sex. Again, if she's too shy or embarrassed to communicate what she wants during sex with her husband, that's her prerogative.
> 
> ...


I think for my wife, and possibly yours, asking takes the mystique away. I found out one day, 20 some years into our marriage that my wife likes to be taken. What she likes (sometimes) is, afternoon, kids in house, she's folding laundry and has not taken a shower. I lock the bedroom door, pick her up and start ripping her clothes off. I just tried this one day, for the hell of it and she about fell off the bed in pleasure after a total of 5 minutes work.

She never ONCE told me this, never even hinted. She WANTS me to figure it out on my own. Nothing will kill this type of a moment faster than her telling me "lock the door, and do this." It kills the spontaneity. Learn, adapt, apply.


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## MissScarlett (May 22, 2013)

I've recently found the earth shattering orgasm that can be had with a vibrator coupled with penetration. Not really like anything I could duplicate on my own. 

My DH started bringing the vibrator out because it was taking quite a lo of oral to get me there. At first it was MY concern it was going to get harder to accomplish without the vibrator. But then I started being swayed to it just because it was so much more intense. 

This is neither here nor there except that for decades I couldn't talk to my DH about sex (he wouldn't talk) and now I'm glad I'm over it and just can tell him things. I'd still be game without the vibrator but since he seems to prefer that and half the oral, ok.


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## FatherofTwo (Dec 6, 2014)

My wife at times bring out her toy while we're having PIV and in my humble opinion she has the most earth shattering orgasms when we do. I don't mind taking it more often but she prefers not to ????

Not sure if she doesn't want to show how much she enjoys it while we're at it or afraid of being desensitized where she won't be able to O without it !??!


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## T&T (Nov 16, 2012)

MissScarlett said:


> I've recently found the earth shattering orgasm that can be had with a vibrator coupled with penetration. Not really like anything I could duplicate on my own.
> 
> My DH started bringing the vibrator out because it was taking quite a lo of oral to get me there. At first it was MY concern it was going to get harder to accomplish without the vibrator. But then I started being swayed to it just because it was so much more intense.
> 
> This is neither here nor there except that for decades I couldn't talk to my DH about sex (he wouldn't talk) and now I'm glad I'm over it and just can tell him things. I'd still be game without the vibrator but since he seems to prefer that and half the oral, ok.


MS, I'm very pleased to hear that you and you H have worked things out. 

UMP, we have a few toys and use them sparingly just to mix things up. My W has told me she uses vibes by herself on occasion too.


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