# My Wife won't let me or my Kids visit my Parents



## codyrhode (Jul 1, 2017)

Hey every one. I need some advice. This is going to be a very lengthy story, but PLEASE bare with me, because I REALLY NEED some advice.

I am Married with Two Children of my own and Two Step Children. A few months ago, the house which we were renting was getting ready to be sold, leaving our Family with out a place to live. With such short notice and not many options, My Wife and I decided may be after 10 years of marriage, it is finally time to buy a house. My Parents gave me a very Large down payment, however my Wife’s credit is very poor and so is mine. 

Fast forward, time came for us to move, there weren’t any rentals available in our area or near by which were affordable, so we thought we’d ask if we could stay with either of our parents for a little bit.

We figured it’d be a good idea if we moved into either of our Parents house for a few months to save some money, fix our credit and finally get our own house instead of paying some one else’s mortgage.

I suggested we’d move into My Parents house being as though my Parents have a big enough house to host my Family of 6, whereas My Wife wanted to move into her Mothers house which is not a problem until you consider that her Single Mother lives in a One Bed Room Apartment.

My Wife didn’t want to move into My Parents’ house because of past incidents between My Parents and My Step Children. Unfortunately My Father who is over 60 years old is very nervous and impulsive when it comes to Children and unfortunately My Father has unfairly reprimanded my Step Children in the past.

My Wife has this rule where no one is allowed to reprimand her Children unless its her or their Real Father, which I totally understand and respect. She also feels that my Parents haven’t formed enough of a bond in the past 10 years with my Children to be able to reprimand them, which of course I understand and respect and agree with as well.

Anyhow, I asked my Parents if we could move in with them for a few months and they thought it wouldn’t be a good idea because My Wife doesn’t like when My Parents reprimand My Step Children. My Wife and I also do not like when people consume alcohol around our Children for fear that it may encourage them to take up consuming alcohol now or in the future (alcoholism runs in my Wife’s Family. Her Mother, Her Sister and Her Brother all struggle with alcoholism)……and since my Parents drink…..responsibly I might add…..all weekend long…..My parents also thought it wouldn’t be a good idea if we lived there because they thought we might clash about their drinking habits.

My Wife and I are NOT CRAZY. We fully understand that if we are guests in some one’s house, we CANNOT tell them what to do or make any rules of our own! So clearly we would never ask them to not drink or to not do something that we don’t like. And My Wife is a very sensible person who has manners and has respect and would not allow her Children or our Children to misbehave in some one else’s house…..so although My Parents would still not be allowed to reprimand my Step Children…..there would be no need to because My Step Children are well behaved and would have been well behaved.

My Parents also suggested that my Step Children can go live with their biological Father while My Wife and I sort things out. Their biological Father lives very close to us and has a bedroom for them so it was very well possible. In my Head however, I thought, How could I ask My Wife to leave her own Children and not see them for a longer period of time than usual? I wouldn’t like it if I were put in that position either. My Children are my World and I couldn’t stand not being able to see them. Imagine what a MOTHER would feel like. I know the old saying about making sacrifices…..but that would be a cruel sacrifice.

So…….I sided with My Wife because I care tremendously about My Step Children. I know they mean the World to her and having them around makes her Happy. I would never want to risk her Happiness if it has anything to do with being cruel to her Children. I did get upset at my Parents and asked how they could be so final with their judgement…..

My Parents just moved to the same State as us just about a few months ago. Before that, my Family would take flights to our State and my Wife would generously kick her own Children(my Step Children) out of their Rooms….out of the house and send them to stay over at their Dad’s house for a few days to accommodate My Parents and My Brother while they were visiting………..Additionally, My Nephew would come in from out of State as well, on his own, with our his parents who are divorced by the way….No Instructions….His parents never called to check on him for the two months he stayed with us…..but my Wife was very accepting and let him crash inside Her Kid’s room and let him do whatever he wanted…….Mean while, When we would fly in to visit My Family….we never got the same treatment. Although My Parents owned a Big Enough house……with extra beds…..My Step Children weren’t offered those beds…..they were left to sleep on an uncomfortable couch. An Eye for An Eye? Or Not?

Here’s one thing. My Parents have always been unfair to me. They always played the favorites game with me and my Brother and my Brother was always favored. Perfect example, They gave my Brother a bigger down payment to buy a House, PLUS they co-signed for his house and now My Brother is living in a 4,000+ square foot home with 6 Bed Rooms, mean while its only him and his Girlfriend living there…..and My Family of 6 is homeless…….or kinda homeless and living out of a Storage Room and My Mother In Laws tiny apartment.

My Parents wanted to co-sign for me, but always made excuses when it came time to do so……when it came to my Brother though, there was no hesitation even though My Brother changes girlfriends every year or 2(he’s up to Girlfriend number 6 now), abandoned his Girlfriend of 15 years and their 2 Children and is an immature, irresponsible and inconsiderate person.

My Parents HAVE HOWEVER in return funded me and My Family for the last 5 years. My Parents acknowledged their favoritism to my Brother, have apologized and thought the best way to make it up to me was with Money. I didn’t and still don’t agree with that thought, but they did it and here we are over $200,000 later. Both the cars that my Wife and I own, have been paid for by My Parents, so they kept us afloat for some time. PLUS my Parents still pay for our car insurance.

Back to the original story. When I first told My Wife about What My Parents had said. She didn’t mind. Didn’t care. Thought we should be the bigger people and pretend that it didn’t bother us. Fast Forward 3 months later, and My Wife says she has thought about it and now is Mad about the whole thing now that we are living in My Mother In Laws House. I didn’t speak to My Parents for a good 2 1/2 Months…..until they started reaching out to me recently. They’ve apologized to ME for their behavior…..have offered me money…..have offered to help us by a house or help us rent a house…….but they haven’t reached out to My Wife.

Now if I know one thing about my parents its that they aren’t mean people. They’ve made MANY mistakes…..definitely not financially…..but they’ve made silly Mistakes which have hurt people….me and My Family included….but I know that they don’t mean harm. I don’t think they haven’t reached out to My Wife because they don’t care. They actually like her a lot and value her opinion over any body else……but I do think that they haven’t reached out to her because they are afraid of her. Afraid to apologize. Afraid to hear her reactions possibly.

I am still resentful of my Parents for the way they acted when I needed them a few months back. I can forgive them but I won’t forget. I still have a sour feeling towards them but at the end of the day I still Love and care about them.

My mindset right now is for me and My Wife to fix ourselves on OUR own. Without their help. My Wife wants the same. I kind of want to keep my distance from my parents because of the resentment I still feel towards them BUT…….I still want my Children to visit my Parents.

My Wife is Mad at my Parents because she feels that my Parents don’t like My Step Children. She feels My Parents discriminated against them and in a way I kind of feel the same way.

At first My Wife agreed to let My Parents see Our Children, but after the only two visits they’ve had since the big blow up…..My Wife decided she didn’t want to do any favors for My Parents anymore……meaning she didn’t like the idea of my Parents seeing my Kids.

Her theory behind that train of thought is that my Children would be betraying their siblings (My Step Children) by visiting My Parents. My Wife thinks that if my Children whom are very young by the way….if they knew that My Parents didn’t accept My Step Children living in their house, then my Children would be upset at My Parents.

So now it’s like we’re using my Children to get back at my Parents. At first I did do that. Didn’t see or contact my Parents for over Two Months. My Wife thought I shouldn’t have done that…..thought it was a bad idea. Now I want to have some contact with My Parents, and My Wife thinks that’s a bad idea.

Firstly, I don’t actually want to rush back into being in good spirits with my Parents. I don’t want to rush into being their best friend and sharing my secrets with them. All I really want is for them to maintain their relationship with my Children. PERIOD!

My Parents in essence have never done anything wrong to my Children. I mean aside from unfairly choosing sides and letting my Younger Child win arguments over my Older Child….My Parents have been the Greatest Grand Parents, a kid could ever ask for. Anything My kids wants, My Parents get and do for them. No excuses. My Parents LOVE my Children and my Children love my Parents right back.

Now, If supposedly there were an issue between My Parents and My Wife and her Two Children from a previous relationship…..should My Children be dragged into it? Should my Children have to suffer consequences for it?

Now again, My Parents have been very generous and extremely helpful to us through out the years BUT they are not angels. My Parents have unfairly criticized not only My Wife and I, but also My Wife’s Parents and Siblings, and of course those instances where My Parents were unfair to My Step Children……My Wife remembers all of it and I don’t blame her. I absolutely understand why.

And adding the fact that My Wife thinks My Parents don’t like My Step Children….that makes matters worse. Personally, I don’t believe that my Parents dislike my Step Children. They’ve never said a bad word about them….but I do believe that my Father might be a little resentful and unhappy about the fact that my Wife has had to correct him for overstepping his boundaries and trying to reprimand her Children. I’m sure that’s left a sour taste in his mouth but hey….good for him. He deserved it. He was in the wrong…..and if someone sets a boundary….you have to respect it. My Father clearly didn’t

I’m also of the belief that my Parents do not accept my role as a Step Father, but I’M VERY STRICT on enforcing the rule that they HAVE TO ACCEPT IT. They HAVE TO ACCEPT MY STEP CHILDREN because they are apart of My Wife. I chose to spend the rest of my life with My Wife and did so knowing she had Children…..so I accepted them as well. I just didn’t expect my Parents to not be accepting of my situation, though I need them to…..I REALLY NEED THEM TO.

Anyhow, Finally, after such a long story….my question is…….I’m SUPER LOYAL to MY WIFE. I Love her and our Family more than anything in this world. I don’t want to hurt or upset her……but I do need my Parents back…..and my Children need them back to……Am I wrong for wanting to have My Children visit My Parents? I am very sensitive to my Wife’s feelings and needs, I just think she might be reacting a little extreme here….What do you guys think?…..Can you please help? Any advice?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Before I can answer further, there is some info that would help. 

How old are your step children and your children?

Could you please explain what happened when your father reprimanded your step child(ren)? What did the children do? What did he say or do to them?


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## Warrior73 (Jun 25, 2017)

codyrhode said:


> Hey every one. I need some advice. This is going to be a very lengthy story, but PLEASE bare with me, because I REALLY NEED some advice.
> 
> I am Married with Two Children of my own and Two Step Children. A few months ago, the house which we were renting was getting ready to be sold, leaving our Family with out a place to live. With such short notice and not many options, My Wife and I decided may be after 10 years of marriage, it is finally time to buy a house. My Parents gave me a very Large down payment, however my Wife’s credit is very poor and so is mine.
> 
> ...


You have way too much going on there my friend, but I will address a few of your issues
First, your wife is wrong to keep your parents from seeing their grandchildren. When I was a boy, for 5 years My Dad and I lived with his girlfriend and her kids. My Dad's girlfriend hated my Grandmother and at one point told my Dad that she would leave him if he allowed my Grandmother to see me. I did not find out about this until I was a little older. When I wanted to see my Grandmother my Father would always make some BS excuse as to why I couldn't go. Flash forward to today...My Dad and I have not spoken in a little over 2 years as He and his wife have crossed the line with regards to interfering with how me and my wife parent our child. Despite this, my wife communicates with my Dad and his wife and when they come to our state to visit, she takes him to see my Dad. I would never do what he did to my Grandmother. I would never tell him that he couldn't see his Grandson. Unless there is a safety reason, that is just wrong. Despite the issues between you/your wife and your parents, they are still the Grandparents of your children and you should not keep the children from seeing them.
On to your second issue...I lived with my in-laws for 3 years and it was one of the biggest mistakes of my life...My advise to you would be to rent a small place and get out of your MIL's place. Too much drama and chaos and it isn't good for you, your wife, or the kids. Plus, how the hell can you all live in a 1 bedroom apartment comfortably...That's just crazy.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*The facts are coupled in such a way that your parents have the unalienable right to see their own grandchildren; and your wife is too immature or selfish to fully realize that! 

Counsel your W and tell her that for your families sake and for hers, that you're going to accept your parents more than generous offer to live with them until such time that you are ready to occupy your very own home!

As far as your W's childishness is concerned, let's just say that enough is clearly enough!*


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

codyrhode said:


> *My Parents HAVE HOWEVER in return funded me and My Family for the last 5 years. *My Parents acknowledged their favoritism to my Brother, have apologized and thought the best way to make it up to me was with Money. I didn’t and still don’t agree with that thought, but they did it *and here we are over $200,000 later.* Both the cars that my Wife and I own, have been paid for by My Parents, so they kept us afloat for some time. PLUS my Parents still pay for our car insurance.


What do you mean when you say that your parents have funded you and your family for the last 5 years? Does that mean that they support you, your wife and your children?

It sounds like you are saying that they have given you over $200,000 in the last 5 years to help support you and your family. Is that right?


Do you and/or your wife have jobs?


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

I'm sorry, I gave up reading.

All I get from your mail is a sense of entitlement. Your parents owe you nothing. Your wife should not look a gift horse in the mouth and instead of worrying about her own problems with your parents, sacrifice a bit and put the children first and ensure they have a decent place to live.
How old are you and your wife?
What do you do for a living to support your family and if you are not supporting your family, maybe the first thing you ought to do is go and get a job.

I do not understand how you complain about your parents yet you have no problem taking money of them, what on earth are you doing bringing kids into the world if you cannot support them?

You and your wife need to grow up and take responsibility for your own lives and responsibility for the children YOU brought into the world, you are bloody lucky your parents have supported you thus far, most parents would not do this.

Finally, you need to grow a pair and be a leader to your family and not have your wife leading you by the nose. She doesn't mind all of you crammed into a small apartment because her feelings are more important. LEAD your family!


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

codyrhode said:


> Unfortunately My Father who is over 60 years old is very nervous and impulsive when it comes to Children and unfortunately My Father has unfairly reprimanded my Step Children in the past.
> 
> *How has your father unfairly reprimanded the step children? If they were in his home, he had every right to do so...
> *
> ...


OP please comment on my responses in red above.

While I agree that your parents should treat all of the children equally, you and your wife make that difficult by refusing to allow them the perfectly reasonable act of reprimanding when necessary.

I'll tell you right now, that if a child is doing something that I disapprove of in MY home and the parents don't pull them up, I darn well will - I don't care who it is!

As for your children not being allowed to see their grandparents - provided that your parents haven't badmouthed their mother to them or are a danger to the children, it is disgusting to drag children into adult issues.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Get a job that supports your family or live within your means. Biting the hand that feeds you is never a good idea. Just how is it going to work the next time you want a handout? Are you going to stand with your back to them and tell them to place the money in your palm?


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## VladDracul (Jun 17, 2016)

codyrhode said:


> My Wife has this rule where no one is allowed to reprimand her Children unless its her or their Real Father, which I totally understand and respect.


I suspect your wife doesn't mind you or your parents throwing money their way. Now I understand your problem and probably your credit rating. (and it ain't got nothing to do with your parents) Look at it like this, if they weren't a little generous with their money, you, your kids, your wife and her kids, God help them, would have been homeless and carless way before now. Face it my man, your wife has you puzzy whipped.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

I'm having a real hard time choking up any sympathy for you.

Between the two of you, you obviously can't even successfully support 4 kids and have gladly allowed YOUR parents to support the kids you *chose* to have. If you couldn't even support yourselves and the kids from her first marriage, you should have never irresponsibly had MORE kids with your new wife. You're damned lucky someone was willing to clean up your mess for the last 5 years.

And if it wasn't enough sponging off your parents to pay your way through life for the last 5 years, you're now thinking they owe you and your clan even MORE and should house you all on top of it.


> My Wife has this rule where no one is allowed to reprimand her Children unless its her or their Real Father, which I totally understand and respect. She also feels that my Parents haven’t formed enough of a bond in the past 10 years with my Children to be able to reprimand them, which of course I understand and respect and agree with as well.


Just because your delusional wife is one of those passive parents who thinks her little angels can do no wrong doesn't mean it's true. I've seen her kind in restaurants, movie theaters, malls and other places - mommy doing absolutely NOTHING while her little monsters are creating havoc all over the place and intruding on everyone *else*. I'm sure if your parents needed to discipline her little angels, there was a REASON for it. You're just so whipped you automatically agree with her because you're too afraid to stand up to her.



> My Wife didn’t want to move into My Parents’ house because of past incidents between My Parents and My Step Children.


But the ingrate sure has no problem accepting their money, does she?



> So…….I sided with My Wife because I care tremendously about My Step Children. I know they mean the World to her and having them around makes her Happy. I would never want to risk her Happiness if it has anything to do with being cruel to her Children. I did get upset at my Parents and asked how they could be so final with their judgement…..


Your parents have supported you BOTH for* far too long.* What the hell is wrong with a supposed grown man who still needs his mommy and daddy to pay his damned bills for him? Are you so deluded that you think having 6 people move into their house would be some kind of pleasure cruise for them? You both seem to think the whole world owes you two a free living or something.



> My Parents just moved to the same State as us just about a few months ago. Before that, my Family would take flights to our State and my Wife would generously kick her own Children(my Step Children) out of their Rooms….out of the house and send them to stay over at their Dad’s house for a few days to accommodate My Parents and My Brother while they were visiting………..


Oh for Christ's sakes. Quit acting like she moved heaven and earth and abused her kids to accommodate the people PAYING your bills. My 11 year old son gave up his bedroom for *3 WEEKS* when his grandparents came from across the country. Not only did he 'survive,' but he didn't need to attend grief counseling for it, either. Stop with the damned drama already.



> My Parents HAVE HOWEVER in return funded me and My Family for the last 5 years. My Parents acknowledged their favoritism to my Brother, have apologized and thought the best way to make it up to me was with Money. I didn’t and still don’t agree with that thought, but they did it and here we are over $200,000 later. Both the cars that my Wife and I own, have been paid for by My Parents, so they kept us afloat for some time. PLUS my Parents still pay for our car insurance.


Your parents are fools. All they've created is a spoiled, rotten, self-entitled little man-child who thinks the whole world owes him everything. 



> Back to the original story. When I first told My Wife about What My Parents had said. She didn’t mind. Didn’t care. Thought we should be the bigger people and pretend that it didn’t bother us. Fast Forward 3 months later, and My Wife says she has thought about it and now is Mad about the whole thing now that we are living in My Mother In Laws House. I didn’t speak to My Parents for a good 2 1/2 Months…..until they started reaching out to me recently. They’ve apologized to ME for their behavior…..have offered me money…..have offered to help us by a house or help us rent a house…….but they haven’t reached out to My Wife.


And we all know that 'money' is the magic language that works best on you.



> I am still resentful of my Parents for the way they acted when I needed them a few months back. I can forgive them but I won’t forget. I still have a sour feeling towards them but at the end of the day I still Love and care about them.


But you'll still accept any money they throw your way.



> My mindset right now is for me and My Wife to fix ourselves on OUR own. Without their help. My Wife wants the same. I kind of want to keep my distance from my parents because of the resentment I still feel towards them BUT…….I still want my Children to visit my Parents.
> 
> My Wife is Mad at my Parents because she feels that my Parents don’t like My Step Children. She feels My Parents discriminated against them and in a way I kind of feel the same way.


Not everyone has it in them to be super Grandma and Super Grandpa to someone else's kids just because their adult child married someone with kids. It was YOUR choice to take these kids on, *not *your parent's choice. They aren't required to fall madly in love with them like you did. 

You're a hypocrite. All you do is cry at how unfairly these kids have been treated while holding your hand out for money.


> At first My Wife agreed to let My Parents see Our Children, but after the only two visits they’ve had since the big blow up…..My Wife decided she didn’t want to do any favors for My Parents anymore……meaning she didn’t like the idea of my Parents seeing my Kids.


Sorry, but your wife is an ass-hole. Just because your parents haven't fallen all over HER kids doesn't mean they have to be punished with having no contact with their OWN grandchildren. And I just love how your wife suddenly decides this 'new' rule only AFTER the gravy train has stopped. She's a real piece of work.



> So now it’s like we’re using my Children to get back at my Parents. At first I did do that. Didn’t see or contact my Parents for over Two Months. My Wife thought I shouldn’t have done that…..thought it was a bad idea. Now I want to have some contact with My Parents, and My Wife thinks that’s a bad idea.


Does she have your testicles in a jar by the bed? How friggen whipped ARE you? Do you have to ask her permission to go to the bathroom? To go to the hardware store? To stay up past 10:00 pm? How do you live with yourself being so weak willed? 



> Now, If supposedly there were an issue between My Parents and My Wife and her Two Children from a previous relationship…..should My Children be dragged into it? Should my Children have to suffer consequences for it?


Why don't you ask your wife, The Queen of Everything, this question? You obviously do whatever she tells you and you obviously allow her to tell you how to think and what to feel, so I'm sure she'll be able to tell you what you should think about this situation.

If I were you, I'd be looking all over the house, in her purse, and at the things hanging from the rear-view mirror of your car for your missing testicles. You seriously need to get them back.

.


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## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

200,000

I had to make my own way in this world. Even when i needed or could have used help from my parents i pulled up my boot straps. 

I got nothing except i think you would be better off making your own way instead of leaning on your parents so much.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

I am going to be Rude and Crude to you Dude...

@She'sStillGotIt is a hard azz. She does not 'like' me either. However, she is dead spot on with this one..

Who in the hell do you think you are, such that YOU are upset with your parents; they gave more money to your brother than you? It is THEIR money, not yours.

After age 21, they owe you nothing other than love and proper [and due] respect.

You are entitled and have been coddled by your parents and by your wife.

Life is tough. Get tough and deal with your own problems. Do not be a Drama Queen. Leave that behavior for those that wear skirts.

The length of your post tells all of us that you are flippant, unnecessarily flapping your wings......over nothing. Grow thicker skin, grow a pair.

You are a lucky man....you are. Be grateful, not bitter. A squirrel chasing his tail because his nose itches.


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## Bobby5000 (Oct 19, 2011)

Sounds like your parents have forwarded a lot of money to address some mistakes they made. Certainly, it was a recipe for disaster to have stepkids and a large family in your parent's house with two conflicting principles: 1. STEP AND OTHER CHILDREN MUST OBEY THE RULES IN A NEW HOME, 2. STEP CHILDREN CAN NEVER BE DISCIPLINED FOR VIOLATING THESE RULES WITHOUT A CUMBERSOME PROCESS OF REQUESTS AND APPROVALS. Imagine a town with a rule, smoking marijuana is a serious offense punishment by a 1,000 fine and six months in jail; police are forbidden to arrest anyone smoking marijuana. 

Your parents should be able to see their grandchildren. As others note, given the large amount of money they forwarded to you, suggestions of favoritism or lack of concern have some questions. I am sure your parents are not perfect but people by and large are not. 


Good luck 

P.S. Please do not construe my comment as an invitation for you and your wife to ask for a larger payment to address past and present inequities


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## codyrhode (Jul 1, 2017)

just wanted to Thank every one for all the advice. I am one to admit when i am wrong and look to better myself. with that said I am not offended or upset by any comments made here. I am sincerely thankful. for clarity, both my Wife and I are currently working and will be getting a place in a month or so. I am eternally grateful for all the help my parents have provided and want to move past this. you guys have helped me to do that.

I woke up this morning very courageous, spoke to my Wife and told her its time to move on. if she wants to be upset and not see my parents or not have her kids around my parents then that is fine but me and my Children need to and want to see my parents. I also think that she and I should accept and respect the decision that my parents made and not take it so personally. I regret doing so and am ashamed of myself.......my kids are currently at my parents house 

for those who questioned, why I would be so afraid of my wife.....its because she has threatened to leave me in the past when it has come to situations with my parents. just last week when I pleaded with her to let the kids see my parents.....she suggested that I should go live with them. Its hard confronting some one like that when it seems like she has little regard for her Children and how they would feel if my Wife and I were no longer together.

again Thank You every one. I needed the advice.....all of it.


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## codyrhode (Jul 1, 2017)

re : She'sStillGotIt

thank you so much. i don't think you were hard on me at all.....i don't think you care if you were either lol but thats fine with me. your message alone really stuck out to me and motivated me to fix things. I was wrong....immature......and childish. I regret it. Thank you for your advice....I sincerely and genuinely mean that.


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## VladDracul (Jun 17, 2016)

codyrhode said:


> .she suggested that I should go live with them.


Opportunity knocks.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

codyrhode said:


> just wanted to Thank every one for all the advice. I am one to admit when i am wrong and look to better myself. with that said I am not offended or upset by any comments made here. I am sincerely thankful. for clarity, both my Wife and I are currently working and will be getting a place in a month or so. I am eternally grateful for all the help my parents have provided and want to move past this. you guys have helped me to do that.
> 
> I woke up this morning very courageous, spoke to my Wife and told her its time to move on. if she wants to be upset and not see my parents or not have her kids around my parents then that is fine but me and my Children need to and want to see my parents. I also think that she and I should accept and respect the decision that my parents made and not take it so personally. I regret doing so and am ashamed of myself.......my kids are currently at my parents house


Good for you!



codyrhode said:


> for those who questioned, why I would be so afraid of my wife.....its because she has threatened to leave me in the past when it has come to situations with my parents. just last week when I pleaded with her to let the kids see my parents.....she suggested that I should go live with them. Its hard confronting some one like that when it seems like she has little regard for her Children and how they would feel if my Wife and I were no longer together.
> 
> again Thank You every one. I needed the advice.....all of it.


The answer to your wife when she threatens your marriage like that is something along the lines of "I'm not moving anywhere. If you wish to leave, you are free to do so. But the children stay here."

I know that you are in your MIL's apartment. But once you are in your own place, she can leave. She cannot legally make you move out. She cannot legally move your children out of your family home without a custody agreement allowing her to do so.

Your wife makes threats like that because you allow her to get away with it. 

My bet is that the reason your parents do not co-sign for a house for you is your wife. They might like her but might be concerned about her too as they might have picked up on her attitude. If they give you a down payment and co-sign, and your wife leaves you, your wife could end up with half of that down payment and your parents could end up obligated to cover some costs in a settlement.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

codyrhode said:


> re : She'sStillGotIt
> 
> thank you so much. i don't think you were hard on me at all.....i don't think you care if you were either lol but thats fine with me. your message alone really stuck out to me and motivated me to fix things. I was wrong....immature......and childish. I regret it. Thank you for your advice....I sincerely and genuinely mean that.


Thank you for not reporting She'sStillGotIt and getting her banned. Some mods would consider her post rude and insulting.


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## threelittlestars (Feb 18, 2016)

Blondilocks said:


> Thank you for not reporting She'sStillGotIt and getting her banned. Some mods would consider her post rude and insulting.


Eh, yes rude, and insulting but not ban worthy in my opinion...:nerd: (I hope, because I can be equally cutting in posts myself. 

She held up a mirror to the OP. And if he is not just blowing smoke up our collective but's she likely got through to him. I for one second each and every point she made on the post. Before I scrolled down to hers i was formulating a post similar in nature to her break down. 

OP. your wife is 100% wrong in her principle of only her and her ex disciplining her children. You are a step parent and should have equal control in your own house. Your parents have the same right if you occupy their space. (Within reason) 

I grew up in with a half brother and half sister who were step siblings to each other. Both my mom and dad were equals in regards to us kids. (It worked for the most part. every family has hiccups and learning curves) 

My husbands parents did a strange dynamic too, similar to your wife and they totally regretted it and felt that they were so sorry to the kids for their ****ty stupid thinking that they were smarter than everyone else and had such a novel idea on how to parent a mixed family effectively. 

Your wife is controlling with threats of divorce and with the act of keeping her children from your parents because you were fiscally cut off. (I would do the same as your parents.) 

You really really have just laid down for your wife, but you are wrong too in your actions and ideals and you need to own that. Which it seems to be the case from your last posts. Start by telling your parents YOU are sorry. And that YOU will not accept their apology because they need not be sorry. Thank then graciously for their help but that in the future you do not wish to accept any more assistance. 200,000$ extra dollars to float your life is an ENORMOUS sum of money to the common person. (like myself) I think you may have some other problems in your life that you needed their help so much. With that kind of money you should already have a house and at least half or a quarter paid for depending on your global location. Some ownership of that needs to be taken into account as well and investigated on how all that was spent.... (just my opinion) 

Seriously.... You need to continue with what you have said.Take the bull by the horn and guide your family, or at least yourself on to the right path. If your wife is not willing to follow then you really should move on without her. 

This will not end well between anyone unless you and your wife are willing to change your views.


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## karole (Jun 30, 2010)

chillymorn69 said:


> 200,000
> 
> I had to make my own way in this world. Even when i needed or could have used help from my parents i pulled up my boot straps.
> 
> I got nothing except i think you would be better off making your own way instead of leaning on your parents so much.


Well said. This was going to be my advice exactly! 

Grow up OP!


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## Dawghoused (Mar 24, 2018)

I think Your wife is right at her place. Everyone thinks about their children and want respect for them. Elders can reprimand their children if they make any mistake. You mentioned that your parents financially supported you for 5 years that means they care for you. But, as you told your parents did not accept your stepchildren then it's not a good idea to move to their house. They don't like your stepchildren and obviously, they will reprimand them even on small mistakes. You should convince them to accept your children.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Your wife is very manipulative and controlling, and keeps you on her side through fear of her leaving you. That is wrong. You must stand up to her when needed even if she makes threats. 
You have both been very immature and ungrateful and have had large sums of money given to you. You are very lucky. 
Once you marry and have children you should stand on you own 2 feet which as yet you haven't done at all. Its about time you did. If you can't afford to buy then rent. You have clearly both made terrible financial decisions hence your bad credit rating, and that's despite all this money give to you. 

Take the children to see their grandparents, they moved to be near you, and if she refuses to go then so what? Don't ask for or expect any more money, you both need to grow up for once and stop depending on mummy and daddy to bail you out. 

You comments like 'she threw her children out of the house for a few days to make room for visitors' is shewed. She didn't 'throw them out', she asked their father to have them with him for a few days and he lives very locally. Not the same thing at all. 

You are trying here to get us to side with your controlling wife, who is more than happy to have her in laws money, but not to see them or let them see their own grandchildren. Hmmmmm.


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