# Husband finally agreed to counseling but I am skeptical



## Keep Talking DB (Jul 18, 2015)

Married 7 yrs this month, together for 8. This is my first marriage, I am his 4th (was led to believe I was #3 for yrs until the truth came out, even his own mother who came to visit every 2 yrs waited for me to find out on my own?). He also lied about being divorced when we met, though he was in his own apartment. I was hesitant at how fast he wanted to move in our relationship even in the first month, but I'll admit I was on cloud 9 with how much this man wanted to love me, I felt he was out of my league to be honest. 

My post would be so long if I told the whole story, so this is as short as I can handle ...the 2 lies, or fibs/false truths, layer back taxes issues hidden from me. In the beginning Mr Prince charming treated me like I was gods gift to his life, his saving grace if you will. He seemed to me like the last marriage just broke him and he had no confidence. I felt I helped him work through that, but there were some turbulent times. See, I was always very independent, and this man made me feel more and more like I SHOULD be able to let my guard down and let someone else take the wheel for a bit. He said I didn't have to work, he would take care of me. Since I'd worked since the age of 14, hells yes I wanted to have a break and let him take care of me. Then came the controlling behavior, wanted all of my time. No hitting per say, but maybe he'd punch a wall, hit himself in the head, hold me down, some bruises. I should've run right? But hey, I'd been in abusive relationships in the past and it seemed to me he had this internal struggle going on, made it seem like his last marriage has run him out of control. I wasn't afraid he was going to kill me or anything, I just thought he needed some confidence in his self. He is smart, he has climbed the latter at work (a LOT since we met, and he did credit me for that). Instead of abuse getting worse, he got better?! He was excelling in work, seemed happy both at home and work. Then came the travel for work. He said he was "tested", but did not cheat. I was a stay at home wife, stepmother, landscaper, do it all gal. Yrs go by and suddenly he thinks I don't "manage my time", while at home (resentment?), so, I took on a new job getting a CDL. My income was to be supplimental for my horses, but quickly became what he required I do. I have to shorten this up a bit so fast forward...he's threatened the D word so many times, that just over a month ago I said fine, let's divorce. He wanted me to just go sign papers with no lawyer, and I disagree. I had a house when I met him, it's gone. I've taken care of horses, one in particular for 23 yrs! On my own! But when I dint work I lost all status in my field of accounting, and my CDL is bringing in $, but not enough to support myself. I had asked for counseling in the past as he had an "emotional affair" a few yrs ago, he refused. Now he agreed to counseling, we've been to one session. From just the one i can see he is playing on how level headed he is, successful, and sorta putting me out to be unreasonable and difficult. I cried in that first session and hated that I did so, but I've been under a lot of stress and I do think he's trying to play me out to be some crazy woman with the counseling. What is his end goal? He says he doesn't see us getting divorced, yet at home we are in separate rooms, he won't have any conversation with me beyond one liners, and I even said hey, since we're stuck together for now, how's about some sex even if it's just because one of us needs it? He has not taken me up on that, wtf? I get more attention from a guy at the gas pump across from me than I do at home. I'm not a bad looking woman. Next cousel9date is Monday and I'll bet he's just going to lay down the charm again and I'm gonna get nailed for something I've done wrong (I never seem to do anything right so I'm told). I wanted the counseling, and our first session the counselor asked if I was willing to make changes. I said I know how this works, but ultimately I am the same person I was when I met my husband, I want to be loved for who I am. Of course I can take and work on suggestions, but I will never be able to change who I truely am. Just seemed to me that I was singled out, hubby was so polite in that session and an dismissive at home. Will anyone see the man I see, or is he alway going to be prince charming to everyone else? Whew, sorry it was so long, I didn't even cover much...think I could write a frigging book if had the notion to.


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

Keep Talking DB said:


> Married 7 yrs this month, together for 8. This is my first marriage, I am his 4th (was led to believe I was #3 for yrs until the truth came out, even his own mother who came to visit every 2 yrs waited for me to find out on my own?). He also lied about being divorced when we met, though he was in his own apartment. I was hesitant at how fast he wanted to move in our relationship even in the first month, but I'll admit I was on cloud 9 with how much this man wanted to love me, I felt he was out of my league to be honest.
> 
> My post would be so long if I told the whole story, so this is as short as I can handle ...the 2 lies, or fibs/false truths, layer back taxes issues hidden from me. In the beginning Mr Prince charming treated me like I was gods gift to his life, his saving grace if you will. He seemed to me like the last marriage just broke him and he had no confidence. I felt I helped him work through that, but there were some turbulent times. See, I was always very independent, and this man made me feel more and more like I SHOULD be able to let my guard down and let someone else take the wheel for a bit. He said I didn't have to work, he would take care of me. Since I'd worked since the age of 14, hells yes I wanted to have a break and let him take care of me. Then came the controlling behavior, wanted all of my time. No hitting per say, but maybe he'd punch a wall, hit himself in the head, hold me down, some bruises. I should've run right? But hey, I'd been in abusive relationships in the past and it seemed to me he had this internal struggle going on, made it seem like his last marriage has run him out of control. I wasn't afraid he was going to kill me or anything, I just thought he needed some confidence in his self. He is smart, he has climbed the latter at work (a LOT since we met, and he did credit me for that). Instead of abuse getting worse, he got better?! He was excelling in work, seemed happy both at home and work. Then came the travel for work. He said he was "tested", but did not cheat. I was a stay at home wife, stepmother, landscaper, do it all gal. Yrs go by and suddenly he thinks I don't "manage my time", while at home (resentment?), so, I took on a new job getting a CDL. My income was to be supplimental for my horses, but quickly became what he required I do. I have to shorten this up a bit so fast forward...he's threatened the D word so many times, that just over a month ago I said fine, let's divorce. He wanted me to just go sign papers with no lawyer, and I disagree. I had a house when I met him, it's gone. I've taken care of horses, one in particular for 23 yrs! On my own! But when I dint work I lost all status in my field of accounting, and my CDL is bringing in $, but not enough to support myself. I had asked for counseling in the past as he had an "emotional affair" a few yrs ago, he refused. Now he agreed to counseling, we've been to one session. From just the one i can see he is playing on how level headed he is, successful, and sorta putting me out to be unreasonable and difficult. I cried in that first session and hated that I did so, but I've been under a lot of stress and I do think he's trying to play me out to be some crazy woman with the counseling. What is his end goal? He says he doesn't see us getting divorced, yet at home we are in separate rooms, he won't have any conversation with me beyond one liners, and I even said hey, since we're stuck together for now, how's about some sex even if it's just because one of us needs it? He has not taken me up on that, wtf? I get more attention from a guy at the gas pump across from me than I do at home. I'm not a bad looking woman. Next cousel9date is Monday and I'll bet he's just going to lay down the charm again and I'm gonna get nailed for something I've done wrong (I never seem to do anything right so I'm told). I wanted the counseling, and our first session the counselor asked if I was willing to make changes. I said I know how this works, but ultimately I am the same person I was when I met my husband, I want to be loved for who I am. Of course I can take and work on suggestions, but I will never be able to change who I truely am. Just seemed to me that I was singled out, hubby was so polite in that session and an dismissive at home. Will anyone see the man I see, or is he alway going to be prince charming to everyone else? Whew, sorry it was so long, I didn't even cover much...think I could write a frigging book if had the notion to.


Your husband sounds like a narcissist. I doubt counseling is going to do much for your marriage, but maybe you should go to individual counseling to learn how to deal with him without losing yourself.


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