# Am I the crazy wife



## jennafire01 (Sep 20, 2011)

So my husband and I have been married for 5 years. My husbands job causes him to travel all over the world. Recently when he returned from one of his trips he gave me a Ipad that he bought for me. while messing with my new toy I clicked on the e-mail just to discover it was linked to his e-mail. I was about to close it when I noticed a craigslist ad that was in response to a personal ad. This now had my attention so I investigated further. I discovered that my husband placed a ad on craigslist looking for someone to go to the movies with him. I confronted him right away and he said he never placed any ads and deleted all his emails and yelled at me for being a snoop. 
He later went to work and I found the need to snoop more and have found 100% proof that he has placed ads on craigslist. Most saying he only wants to go to the movies or one saying he is a PHD researching attractive women on casual encounters. I have been collecting all my evidence and storing it away. 
I am now worried I am becoming obsessed. I have found e-mail addresses on his email account and have sent emails to theses women asking if they went out with my husband (not crazy ranting just did you answer a ad by this guy). 
I have found fake email accounts
secret bank accounts
secret purchases for over $1000 a month
I am going out of my mind, and I guess I just need reaffirming that I am justified in digging through his things. I am sure he is cheating I can see the writing on the wall but denial is not just a river in Egypt and its hard for me to believe he would do such a thing when our marriage seemed to be fine. I am broadsided by this


----------



## lisa3girls (Apr 6, 2011)

Um wow.... yes he is clearly acting inappropriately. And dumb.. he gave you the ipad linked to his email??? What are you waiting for... I think it is time to go


----------



## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

I don't think you're crazy, not when there's hard evidence that he's been deceptive with you.

You have the info, but the question is what are you going to do with it? You can collect till the cows come home, but what else do you need? What would he have to do for you to end things?

What is your dealbreaker? Or do you have one?


----------



## jennafire01 (Sep 20, 2011)

I guess I am looking to see if its just causal outings or if he is actually having sex with these women. I guess sex is my deal breaker. I also have other things to take in consideration. I was a stay at home mom before this and was given an allowance (we have separate bank accounts) since I confronted him he has stopped giving me my allowance so I am broke and have my daughter to take in consideration. I have since started a new job and am saving so that I can take care of myself as well as my daughter but need to play nice for the time being. I figure with all the evidence I have when the time comes he won't be able to lie his way out of it


----------



## Kobo (May 13, 2010)

WhiteRabbit said:


> wait...you're married. you're a grown woman. and your husband gives you an allowance which he is now withholding bc you are questioning his shady a$$???? REALLY???
> 
> honey you need to woman up and take control of this ASAP. you tell Shady McShadyson you need access to ALL marital funds NOW.
> 
> ...


Yeah, this happens a lot. I've heard guys say they give their wife an allowance and I've also heard guys say their wife gives them an allowance. I have no idea how any adult can live like that. Just seems like you're setting yourself up to be in a parent-child relationship.


----------



## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

You are not the crazy one, he is being deceptive, dishonest and controlling (revoking your share of the disposable income!!?) You absolutely are within your rights to investigate and learn the extent of this betrayal of trust. You can no longer believe what he is saying and no matter how deep his secret life goes he has shown that you will never get the whole truth from his mouth, so it is time for you to take charge of your needs in this relationship, and if he is not going to provide what you need you will have to enforce your own boundaries on this. I would also recommend consulting with a lawyer about your legal rights within the marriage and if you decide it must end (I believe many will offer a free consult).


----------



## bohemian11 (Sep 20, 2011)

Yes, like the previous poster said, I'd consult with a lawyer. People don't generally place ads on places like Craigslist if they are just seeking to flirt or find friends. The nature of the ads shows he is trying to meet women. That would be a deal breaker for me. I'd take your evidence to an attorney - most domestic relations lawyers do offer free consults and depending on what state you are in, evidence of adultery can help you in a future settlement.


----------



## HappyAtLast (Jan 25, 2010)

You're not crazy..you're confused, upset and mad...and understandably so. 
Cheaters will always get caught, no matter how sneaky and smart they think they are.
BTW, you should answer your H's ads on Craigslist and see what happens.


----------



## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

WhiteRabbit said:


> wait...you're married. you're a grown woman. and your husband gives you an allowance which he is now withholding bc you are questioning his shady a$$???? REALLY???
> 
> honey you need to woman up and take control of this ASAP. you tell Shady McShadyson you need access to ALL marital funds NOW.
> 
> ...


:iagree::iagree:


My husband is the main breadwinner in my marriage. I do work, but I make precious little compared to him. If I need money, I ask for it. None of this means that I have no power.

For example, he bought a new car recently and even though I do not drive (medical condition), my husband asked for my opinion. Basically, hubby told me which cars he was thinking about and asked me to pick my favorite. So I researched the different models as well as compared their appearances. I chose the Ford and specified that I liked black. You know what? My husband took MY advice and bought a black Ford...I will never drive that car and I did not contribute any money to it.  

You need to hire a lawyer and bring all your evidence to your first appointment. Find a place to stay and then go there, once you figure out the legal situation. You are a stay at home mom, so I think that you could end up with a decent sum. This will take time, so figure out how to support yourself.


----------



## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

jennafire01 said:


> I guess I am looking to see if its just causal outings or if he is actually having sex with these women. I guess sex is my deal breaker. I also have other things to take in consideration. *I was a stay at home mom before this and was given an allowance (we have separate bank accounts) since I confronted him he has stopped giving me my allowance so I am broke *and have my daughter to take in consideration. I have since started a new job and am saving so that I can take care of myself as well as my daughter but need to play nice for the time being. I figure with all the evidence I have when the time comes he won't be able to lie his way out of it


This is sad. Are you his indentured servant or his wife? And he has a child with you which makes his actions even that much more heinous. He's a man that feels like he owns you. He can buy you like everything else he has, and you have no right to question anything he does because of the lifestyle he provides you.

But, I digress. If sex with someone else is your dealbreaker, then I wish you luck. You'll never catch a man like this in the act. All the signs are there though.


----------



## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

I got yelled at like that for snooping...consider that reaction to be a great big red blaring siren. You caught the prick, and now he's mad! And now, for the next trick, table turning! Stay tuned! 

PS - sorry to sound sarky - I just hate to see nice people getting screwed around.


----------



## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

I've got to wonder if people who are this bad at covering their tracks want to get caught.


----------



## jennafire01 (Sep 20, 2011)

Thank you all for your advice. It all is really a sticky situation. we don't have a joint account because my credit was to horrible to get an account with him so that's how that started. 
My husband defiantly has a superiority complex and he thinks that I am a idiot ( I am using this to my advantage). I am also no victim I put myself in this situation and I will get myself out. I do however need to plan carefully. He has threatened to kick my daughter (not with him) and myself to the curb if I didn't like my situation. 
For the time being I am looking at all my options and figuring out my next step. 
as far as responding to his ads he only post when he is out of town or when I go out of town and once when I was in the hospital having surgery. I found them in his history browser and on his craigslist account history so they had been deleted. I did make copies of everything I found so he can delete stuff all he wants. 
As for going to a lawyer it was my understanding that it is very hard to prove infidelity(adultery) as you have the burden of proof that intercourse happened


----------



## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

jennafire01 said:


> Thank you all for your advice. It all is really a sticky situation. we don't have a joint account because my credit was to horrible to get an account with him so that's how that started.
> My husband defiantly has a superiority complex and he thinks that I am a idiot ( I am using this to my advantage). I am also no victim I put myself in this situation and I will get myself out. I do however need to plan carefully. He has threatened to kick my daughter (not with him) and myself to the curb if I didn't like my situation.
> For the time being I am looking at all my options and figuring out my next step.
> as far as responding to his ads he only post when he is out of town or when I go out of town and once when I was in the hospital having surgery. I found them in his history browser and on his craigslist account history so they had been deleted. I did make copies of everything I found so he can delete stuff all he wants.
> *As for going to a lawyer it was my understanding that it is very hard to prove infidelity(adultery) as you have the burden of proof that intercourse happened*



You don't have to prove anything nowadays. You want to get divorced? You do it.

He was posting on Craiglist whilst you were having surgery?? Good lord he's quite the douche canoe isn't he? No shame at all.


----------



## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

HappyAtLast said:


> You're not crazy..you're confused, upset and mad...and understandably so.
> Cheaters will always get caught, no matter how sneaky and smart they think they are.
> BTW, you should answer your H's ads on Craigslist and see what happens.


I agree. you should answer his ad... Find some pictures on the internet you think he may be attracted to. set up a fake email account to do it... You will have your 100% answer then.

Dont bring it up again until you get the proof you need. The more you tip him off the more he will go underground with it.


----------



## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

I forgot to mention that MOST men that post on craigslist list are looking for a hook up even if it is posted in the casual section.


----------

