# Cyber Affair & Further Issues



## gb43 (Mar 12, 2013)

Hi, I am writing here because I came across this site whilst looking for advice on how to deal with my partner having several cyber affairs. It seemed like people were sharing some good advice and I would love for anyone to suggest anything to me that they feel might help in my situation.

I have been with my boyfriend for about 2 years now. 6 months into our relationship I found out that he had been asking girls online for nude photos and talking to them on skype etc daily. Obviously I was upset but this was fairly early on and I was assured that it would not happen again and it had made him realise that he was serious about the relationship he was in. He gave me his FB password and we carried on.

There were numerous women after this all that I questioned that popped up on his phone/online some that he knew, some that wer ex's, some abroad but ever time i would question anything he woudl get angry (he suffers from anger issues) and convince me that this was me being paranoid, controlling and insecure among other things.

Then just earlier this year he sat me down and said that there had been a new girl over Christmas that he has started flirting with/exchanged images and had even asked to meet up with as she was local and that there had been others over the year that I had indeed been right about. As you can imagine my world shattered somewhat and i had so many questions about how I could have been so foolish to have been convinced other wise etc.

After this he started going to counselling and was told that this online girl thing was a compulsion broght on by things in his childhood and that there are a bundle of other issues that he has also.

He now wants me to support him and two months on gets angry if I bring things up or ask who he is typing to on his computer etc - he tells me that I now need to get help for my issues because I am clinging to these things. I am still angry yes but he is also verbally abusive to me when I say the wrong thing regarding his counselling or bring up insecurities of my own that have arrisen from the situation. I get called numerous names and get shouted at an then told that I hav caused it because I have been insensitive and selfish to what he is going through.

He does have genuine issues but his counsellor has told him he has to concentrate on him and if there is a relationship at the end of it then so be it. Of course his issues are important and I want him to be able to help them out but I surely figure in the situation too?

We now live together and have done for the past couple of years. 

Any advice /help greatly appreciated - bit of an essay there


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

He has to prove to you that he can be trusted. The only way for this is for you to be able to verify what he's up to. That means that he gives you the passwords for the cell phone, and all of his online accounts, computer, etc. 

He allows you to put a keylogger on the computer to capture everything he does. You should also put monitoring software on his cell phone.

You will spend years checking what he's up to. 

He will most lilkely never stop this. He get angry at you and calls you names because in the past he has been able to get you to back down. If you stay with him, unless you backs down and gives you total access, he will get meaner and meaner. It could escalate to violence if words alone will not get you to back off and let him do what he likes to do.

Basically.... you are not married to this man. Why would you want to stay with someone who does not respect you and who will most likely never give up his online cheating?

I went through this very thing for years and finally gave up. I wish I had given up much much earlier.


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## gb43 (Mar 12, 2013)

Straight after it happend this year he deleted his accounts ie Tumblr/FB etc and now only really has Twitter left. He said he was goign to put a keylogger on his computer but as time goes on and things are brought up he doesn't do it. He was also goign to look into blocking certain sites. When I have brought some of this stuff up - saying that when he was asking me to stay he said he would do these things he says that I need to be realistic and some of the things he said he said because he felt he had to. This is obviously adding to my anger because I feel cheated further


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## gb43 (Mar 12, 2013)

The strange thing is that a month into the counselling he was doing great but the last week his anger and things towards both general situations and the cheating one have really surfaced again and I don't know why


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

If he was serious about stopping and about proving to you that he can be trusted he'd have the keylogger on his compute.

You could sneak one on it. But you have to decide if you have had enough or if you want to monitor what he does.

I doubt he has stopped.

I suggest that you read the book "Serviving An Affair" by Dr. Harley.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Uh RUN like hell. You are not married and setting yourself for a LIFETIME of misery.

How old are you?


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Please read my story. My husband did similar things. We are together today, but only because of what HE did. Even three years after D day I have access to everything. Full transparency. 

If he is not willing to do this, get out of the relationship. You have no kids and are not married. He is not willing to do what he needs to do to heal himself yet, and you should not be saddled with this from someone with whom you have no real ties.


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## gb43 (Mar 12, 2013)

I am 30. He has had a lot of stuff go on in his past that he is seeing a counsellor about and trying to rectify and as I say he has got rid of sites and things but his counsellor is saying the much like an addiction not everything will simply disappear instantly. I do want to support him on this side of things but when i want to try to talk about something from my side it's never the right time. We are going to try to go to couples counselling in a couple of weeks to both be heard out but because of that he wont listen to things I have to say on the matter in the mean time.

Ok as I am writing this I am realising how crap this all sounds.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

He isn't invested in your relationship. He just isn't. I am sorry, but you are young!! You have your whole life ahead of you. Why do you want to waste it trying to 'fix' this guy?


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Here is my nice version (as nice as I get.) I hate watching people making trainwrecks out of their lives. And yes, sometimes I actually do win a few.

WAKE THE **** UP!!!! YOU ARE AT A MAJOR CROSSROADS IN YOUR LIFE. You are planning to go up the same road you are on in this relationship. 

TODAY IS ONE OF THE MOST IMPORTANT DAYS OF YOUR LIFE

***IF YOU STAY ON THIS CURRENT ROAD YOU WILL BE 55 DAMN YEARS OLD LOOKING BACK AT MARCH 12, 2013 AND YOU WOULD DAMN NEAR SELL YOUR SOUL TO TIME TRAVEL BACK TO TODAY. You need to turn off this road and onto another.***

TURN AWAY NOW or regret your whole damn life.

You are 30. You are not over the hill. Statistical averages say there is a 80% chance you are marketable. Marketable means anywhere from a 3 to a 10 on the 5 median attractiveness scale. I didn't see any mental issues (except sticking with hopeless) mentioned so again. YOU HAVE WORTH to other males... You know, LOYAL ones that wont mess around on you.

Mr GB43 is out there, YOU AINT WITH HIM. GO FIND HIM!!!!! 

YOU HAVE YOUR ASSIGNMENT. NOW EXECUTE IT

Just be kind enough to dump him face to face. Have the ovaries (since ya dont have balls) to face him


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