# Respect



## SGBT (Oct 12, 2017)

Men: Specifically or in general, what are the behaviors/actions from your SO that demonstrate to you that you are respected, liked as a person, loved as a man/lover, and on the contrary what do you find feels like disrespect/dislike?


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Putting me down in front of others would be a big issue for me. Finding out that good things are said about me when I am not around is nice.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

My wife shows respect in a wide variety of ways from verbal appreciation to texts to just setting my bar high and fully expecting me to clear it. I love that she has high expectations for me. 

I have a hard time recalling anything she has done which shows disrespect. About the only think I can think of is (happened twice that I recall) she asks my opinion on something and then disregards it -- only to hear the same opinion from someone else later and then act on it. Given that that's the worst of the disrespect I can recall and its infrequency, I think I've got it pretty good overall in the respect department. 

Now empathy on the other hand....


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## SGBT (Oct 12, 2017)

Yes, it hurts my heart to think of belittling my H in public/in front of others, for sure! What about smaller, less obvious infractions like tone of voice, responding in an irritated manner to his questions, or other ways he may get the (wrong) assumption that he is not liked/respected? And yes, I like to always say kind and affirming things "about" my H to friends and neighbors, because he is so awesome. :grin2:


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## SGBT (Oct 12, 2017)

Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> My wife shows respect in a wide variety of ways from verbal appreciation to texts to just setting my bar high and fully expecting me to clear it. I love that she has high expectations for me.
> 
> I have a hard time recalling anything she has done which shows disrespect. About the only think I can think of is (happened twice that I recall) she asks my opinion on something and then disregards it -- only to hear the same opinion from someone else later and then act on it. Given that that's the worst of the disrespect I can recall and its infrequency, I think I've got it pretty good overall in the respect department.
> 
> Now empathy on the other hand....


 @rockyMtYeti. Oh yes, I see what you mean. My H would describe this as someone (me) needing to believe I thought of the "good idea" (his advice/opinion) on my own, as my own novel idea.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

SGBT said:


> @rockyMtYeti. Oh yes, I see what you mean. My H would describe this as someone (me) needing to believe I thought of the "good idea" (his advice/opinion) on my own, as my own novel idea.


I think it's different for my wife. Since we're close, she's doesn't always trust her reaction to my inputs, so it doesn't always seem valid until she can believe it from someone else.


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## Tatsuhiko (Jun 21, 2016)

FEELS RESPECTFUL: Initiation of sex on her part. Not forgetting about me or my needs.

FEELS DISRESPECTFUL: Lack of initiation. Forgetting about me or my needs. Interrupting me before I can finish a short sentence.


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## SGBT (Oct 12, 2017)

Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> I think it's different for my wife. Since we're close, she's doesn't always trust her reaction to my inputs, so it doesn't always seem valid until she can believe it from someone else.


Does she later give you "credit" for the good idea, opinion, input?


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## SGBT (Oct 12, 2017)

Tatsuhiko said:


> FEELS RESPECTFUL: Initiation of sex on her part. Not forgetting about me or my needs.
> 
> FEELS DISRESPECTFUL: Lack of initiation. Forgetting about me or my needs. Interrupting me before I can finish a short sentence.


Yes, I have heard that from my DH, the "interrupting" him. I honestly try hard NOT to interrupt him, but it seems I must wait an extrordinarily long time to see if he is done talking, because he may pause and I think it's my turn, but he is just thinking of what he wants to say next, then accuses me of cutting him off, interrupting, or steamrolling him. Funny, but often those are exactly my feelings, especially of "steamrolling", but I will try harder to "wait" for the long, pregnant pause, or say are you done, or may I speak. Thoughts?


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

SGBT said:


> Does she later give you "credit" for the good idea, opinion, input?


Yeah. After someone else comes in with the same input and she then trusts it, she lets me know I was on the right track.


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

SGBT said:


> Men: Specifically or in general, what are the behaviors/actions from your SO that demonstrate to you that you are respected, liked as a person, loved as a man/lover, and on the contrary what do you find feels like disrespect/dislike?


If I don't have to curl up into foetal position and cry half the night, then it's all good!. :crying:

But seriously: it should be pretty self-explanatory when respect is there (from little gestures, tone, etc). I noticed that about once a month, the respect levels seem to decline for a few days (like clock-work). I try to focus more on work stuff/kids/hobbies during this time until the storm passes.

Also it sounds like another cliche, but I feel I get more respect from her when things are good/busy career-wise in my life. I can't be sure if it's real or imagined though.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

:scratchhead: It's alot of things, don't even know where to start...

Quite frankly I'm surprised one has to even ask about such things, for me respect is not voluntary.


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## 482 (Mar 14, 2017)

Respect - Little things like the captain and the first mate at the table, Asking my opinion first on tough things and acting on what I'm saying, Making me aware of whats going on in her life so I feel good knowing she is safe, Turning to me for direction, or just something simple as a smile that says I hate your stubborn ass right now but I love you and respect your resolve, Acknowledging my boundaries. 

Lack of respect - Interrupting me when I'm talking or entering into the competition for conversation, not being concerned with my needs, knowing my boundaries and crossing them anyway.


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