# Husband wants legal separation after 16yrs of marriage



## Bimbam (Jan 25, 2014)

I cannot believe myself posting this, but I am desperate for some advises and maybe some exchange ideas of how to cope with my situation.
We are married for 16 years now, four years ago, out of carelessness or on purpose I discover his secret affair with a much younger women than me. He opened his email in my laptop and forget to log off before we go for a summer vacation, when I came back to my office the first thing that flashes the screen was his email to his mistress saying the sweetest message you can ever imagine. At first I thought it was for me but then realization strikes me that it was not. I confronted him about it immediately and he tried to denied it but then I slap him with the printed email, he said sorry it was a mistake on his side, he said it was just some unexpected things and he will correct it and break up with her....from then on I never trusted him and always have this feeling of jealousy and possessiveness. Our relationship became like a roller coster ride, I came to know that the break up was just a fake and she is still around and continuing the relationship because after 3 year she became pregnant, I confronted him again about it and he denied that it was his child, but then again some of our common friends sent me a picture of them together. 
I love my husband so much that I can forgive him with all these as long as he is with me and he is coming home every night with me, I thought that was enough, I just don't want our family to break. We have a son by the way. He is a well respected businessman, a wealthy one, that is why every woman wants a piece of him, he is always generous. I know I cannot change him nor control him, so I accepted and forgive him again, we still fight sometimes because I became obsessed on him to the extent that I'm calling him many times everyday, trying to know where he is , what time he is coming home. That I guess pissed him but still so patient about me, recently,like 3 months ago by mistake again or he said he did it on purpose to divert my attention from being jealous about his new family, he send me an email that he's suppose to send to a new girl, ( another one ) saying the same sweet message he uses to the previous one, ( he is very good in writing sweet emails that will make you melt ) I confronted him and he said it does not exist, he just made it up to divert my attention, I didn't believed him and I opened his iPad and found out about this new affair which is blooming to the fullest to the extent that the woman is asking him to separate with me. 
Last December he went for a business trip (he said) and for the first time did not spend Christmas with us, he was out for 10 days without calling or even not answering my calls which is very unlikely for him to do so. When he return he have of course valid explanations for that, I kept quite and observed him, after a week he went again for another 15 days with the same attitude, then when he comes back I cornered him and he said he cannot continue with me he wants out, he wants separation, I was shocked it was all so sudden to me I didn't know what to say, I felt like the whole room was swirling, like there is this hot blood going up and down my body, I don't know..he said we can settle amicably and can still be friends, I have to be civil because I do not want to fight.
But I love him so much I start begging him to try to work it out again, I'm playing it cool but deep inside me I cannot accept that this is really happening, I don't know what to do, where to start, knowing he's not mine anymore is killing me. I know this is inevitable and that scaring me so much. We never been separated all these years and thinking of living without him next to me......I don't know how to cope.. To anyone with the same situation or gone through the same, please advise me how to start...what is the first move.

Waiting for some advise.
Bimbam


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## Alpha (Feb 18, 2013)

Do you live in America or another country?

From your writing, English isn't your first language, hence my question.


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## Bimbam (Jan 25, 2014)

Hi alpha, I live in another country,in the Middle East but I'm Asian and yes English is not my first language.


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## Alpha (Feb 18, 2013)

I'm guessing you're from the Philippines. Your husband, is he from the Middle East or are you both Asian but living there? His new girlfriend, is she Asian too or from the Middle East? I wonder why legal separation, because that means you are still contractually married. I would think your husband would like out, but yet legal separation keeps you on the end of the string.

My advice, and you probably won't like it, is to walk away. Take the separation and make sure that you have support locked up. You think you love him so much, but dig deep down inside and ask yourself that question one more time. He has cheated on you twice (probably more that you don't know about), has a child with another woman, and is with another woman now. Do you really love a guy like this?

He is the rich guy, the man of power, and you are the pawn. He does whatever it is he pleases while you sit back and take it because he can. You probably don't have a career and are totally dependent on him so you are scared to lose him. 

I've met many men like your husband. He may leave you now and go to her permanently. He may tire of her and try to go back to you. Who knows. But there is one thing I know for certain, and that is he won't change his ways. So long as he stays rich, he will do whatever it is he darn well pleases. 

And if that means going back to you, expect the same thing to happen all over again.

Get your finances and support locked down and move on with your life. 


(Feel free to message me privately if you want)


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## Bimbam (Jan 25, 2014)

Alpha that is exactly what I wanted to do to try to secure my finances but I do not know where to start, he controls everything. 
He said he does not want to divorce me because he doesn't have plans of getting married again, (by the way I am his 3rd wife) he said he just want to be alone and be free for whatever he wanted to do, he said he's been working all his life and he wanted to do whatever makes him happy, that he has to start thinking about himself this time, been taking care of everybody all this years, and he doesn't know how much more time he have in this world (he's 61) now. 
I fully understand what you're trying to say to me, and I know I'm crazy that I still feel this way, but I really am scared of losing him totally, I don't care about his money, I just want him to be next to me, to see him everyday coming home is enough for me. I'm scared but I know it's coming, I know I have to leave or move out, he wants me to take the house but how can I maintain this big house? I do not know how to work, I'd been dependent to him all this time, he provides everything for us. 
All I wanted is advise how to reverse the situation, what can I do to make him stay with me, you are a man too.


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

You need to 180 him
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Alpha (Feb 18, 2013)

You say you love him simply because you do not know how to survive without him. Or you don't want to go back to a life that you had before he came into the picture and made your life comfortable. You want to forgive him because you are scared to lose everything.

It doesn't sound like he will come back to you any day soon, not if there is another woman around. If there weren't you may have a chance, but he'll bore of you quickly. You're his third wife and to him another chapter that he plans to close.

Sorry for being blunt and straightforward. You need to protect yourself financially immediately. Is he is supporting three families at the moment, you do not want to be left behind. 

Sell the house. Ask for an extra cash lump sum. And get an agreement from him to give you monthly payments to support your son. Its time to be firm and make demands.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

You should never be so desperate to hold onto someone that you lose all self-respect You obviously can't change him. This is who he is. You deserve a life where you don't spend your time wondering who he's with now.


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## Bimbam (Jan 25, 2014)

What is 180?


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## Bimbam (Jan 25, 2014)

Just FYI I was not dependent on him financially before we get married, I am one of the luckiest child born with a golden spoon, but when my parents died we lost almost everything, and mind you I contributed a lot on what we have right now, I met him with just enough money to start a small business, we worked together, though his brain worked more than mine, he is the brain why we have what we have now, but since I found out about his infidility I stoped working and stayed home. I feel like I have to give him my time, take care of him, maybe that's the reason why he try to find someone else, because I neglected him without me realizing it. 
Now i am in this situation where I am totally emotionally and financially dependent on him. (When I say I don't know how to work means I don't know how to be employed by somebody, I worked with him, we are the boss, he was my boss) but he controls the money. I have only a credit card (supplementary from his) and he can stop it anytime. 
But maybe you are right Alpha, maybe I am scared to loss the comfort, but is it wrong? Never live without this comfort, I am the only child so I've been pampered all my life.
And to answer your other question if he is supporting the other families, now yes, but before he just abandoned then, leave them with nothing, he said because he doesn't have anything to give before, the funny thing is I am the one who encourage him to take all his children's (2 from 1stt and 1 from the second) to be with us, the first 2 are all adults that time so they don't have to stay with us, we gave each of them a house to stay all expense paid by him, and the other one stays with us and I took care of her like my own. I raised her for 12 years she's now in her university. I took the initiative to put them altogether in here because he always says that's the only thing that will complete him and make him happy,I did it for him.
Now his children's are turning against me and they are supporting their fathers escapade, they are saying that wherever he's happy they will support him.
Now I guess you can imagine how complicated family I'm into.


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## Alpha (Feb 18, 2013)

Who are the incorporators of the company? If it was your money to get the business started and your effort to help get the business where it is today, then you should be rewarded for it.

His children will turn on you because blood is thicker than water. They feel like whatever they have now came from their father and probably have no idea of your involvement. On top of that, you aren't the same race as them.

Do you want comfort from a lying philanderer? Have you no self worth? Think about what you are saying. Yes, you are accustomed to living a certain way and want it to continue, but guess what, he doesn't. 

Sucks that your life has to change because someone else is making the rules. I went through a nasty separation and know the feeling. One thing I know, you can't force anyone to love you. Its either they do or they don't. 

He took it upon himself to disrupt your life, so take control of it rather than have him dictate.


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