# Just Feel Like Whining



## tuckin14 (Feb 22, 2013)

I know there's no one who can give me useful advice, I just feel like whining.

Acknowledging that there are (at least) two sides to every story... and you haven't heard hers.

Met wife online, were casually involved for 6 months, broke up, got back together, I pursued her relentlessly for 2 years, have been married two years. Still have never lived together, we now both live outside the USA. A couple of airlines are getting rich off us.

She likes to complain that:
1) I am old and decrepit. I am 20.5 years older than her. I was 20.5 years older than her when we met, funny how that hasn't changed.
2) I am shorter than her. Funny, that was also true when we met.
3) That I hate women because I would expect a woman 20 years younger than me to marry me and give up her ability to grow old with someone.
4) When we met I was 50 and she was 29. I had been dating mostly women in their early to mid-20's for the past 15 years. She thinks that proves I'm a pedophile since I had dated even younger women.
5) That I'm selfish and don't want her to be happy, because if I did I would endorse the idea of her dating younger, taller, more athletic men who are better in bed, and since I don't want her to do this I'm selfish and uncaring.

Full Disclosure: When we started to get serious about each other, she accidentally left her email open on my computer one day and I found (current) letters between her and another man she was apparently crazy about and had neglected (!) to tell me about. I started to hack her email, including the EHarmony account she had for most of the time we were dating but not married. I continued to hack her email including the EHarmony account she opened after we got married. I know some people would have broken up the first time they found out their SO was hacking their mail, but she didn't - or the second, or third, or fifth.

Counter-disclosure. One time I went to a bridge tournament. She knew I was going but didn't know the exact date. When I went (she was home in her own country at the time), she got very angry and accused me of "dissimilation" which I think means telling half-truths. She has always, however, defended her not telling me about the other guy mentioned above on the grounds that it wasn't my business, and she had never said she wasn't dating anyone else. (She did tell me about the EHarmony account she had prior to getting married.)

Sidebar: An actual question. Who was more wrong, her for opening an EHarmony account after we got married, or me for hacking her mail, finding out about it, and asking EHarmony to close it (which they did)?


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Ummm....I would recommend individual counseling for you. Can't say anything about what to recommend for her as she isn't here, but you are.

You don't seem to have a good grasp of your own reality.


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## justonelife (Jul 29, 2010)

Why are you two married? It sounds like she was never that into you, wanted to date other people but finally "gave in" to your pursuit, possibly in a moment of weakness. You knew all along that she wasn't faithful and wasn't committed to you. Why did you marry her?

I'm not excusing her in any way. She should never have married you if she wanted to be with younger guys. But I don't understand why you think this situation has any chance of working.


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