# "Let Go if You love Something"



## E ric

Hi all, my name is Eric and after reading some posts on here I decided to give this forum a shot as I have seen many helpful responses from the users here. Part if this is seeking the counsel of others while it also about me expressing my emotions and feelings through typing this. Also, I thank you in advance for taking the time to read and respond to this post. I sincerely appreciate it. Please be honest and do not sugar coat anything. I'm looking for real and un-biased answers (hence why I'm asking strangers).

Background: My wife and I are both currently very young. I am 21 and she is 24. We have actually been married since I was 18 and she was 21, so three years. We have many common interests together, traveling, playing/writing music, and other hobbies. She studies architecture (grad student almost done) and I've just started along my own path as a real-estate investor. When we were first together I loved her like CRAZY. The first years we were together were nothing short of amazing. However, I feel like there have been some serious issues lately and that it has made some extremely large tears in our relationship. Before I proceed, I would like to mention she takes care of about 60 or 65% of the finances (from help of family) and does little housework. She does cook sometimes though. I do all the cooking, cleaning, maintaining, and I also run our Airbnb business for us because she is too busy with school. For now, I haven't been in business too long as to where I make a ton of money. So things happen to be a little tense on that front for now as well.

The Problem(s): As I type this message, I had to sleep on the floor in the room next to our bedroom because I got locked out of our room last night (crappy timing to have an Airbnb guest arrive that day as well...). The reason was that I had to finish cleaning for the Airbnb and didn't do what she asked me to do (prepare some food that would've taken less than 5 minutes). I admit, this was a mistake on my part. However, it's not just this, but it's how she reacts to things like this. She sometimes has a hard time controlling herself and she ended up throwing things at me (small items, not plates etc...). I listened to her reasoning and she said "You're never putting me first, it's always, this, then that, then that, and then you finally get to where I am." Again, I could improve on this for sure. Quarrels like these have happened more times as well (for different reasons), some more severe (sometimes she does get physical and I try to just dodge instead of block, mostly slap attempts). Although, I understand her positioning/reasoning, I absolutely disagree with the way the conflict is handled. In the most heated exchange, she slapped me so hard the right side of my face went numb for 5 minutes. Even though I work so hard everyday to get the life that we want together it just seems to me that no matter the level of detail, something is wrong with the way I'm doing things. I try to be cognizant of everything and I know I'm young, but I put myself in the category of being much more mature than other associates of my age (all of my "friends" are roughly 8-10 years older than me). I put us first and work for the future, however she sees it differently. She thinks I am not "with" her, rather I'm just present physically.

At the same time, I love her and want to try to be the best me that I can, but harmoniously I'm asking myself... why is she with you (me)? She doesn't seem happy with changes I've made. I also feel like those heated arguments/exchanges definitely put a bad dent in the relationship as it's so hard to look at the same person the same way as before. Hopefully my ideas are still coherent up to this point. Also, I'm really starting to think we are just incompatible at this point. There has been no cheating on each other or any sneaky behind-the-back stuff either. I don't think we "hate" each other either. That is definitely not the right word. So, I guess I'm just lost on what my next step should be and how to proceed with this situation. We hope to have a conversation tonight. I tell her I want us to communicate, but she angrily doesn't say anything and ignores me. Although, historically, she will eventually talk after her initial anger/frustration wears off.


Is it best we let each other go and head our separate ways to work on ourselves? Should we work through it together and become stronger? Something like this is very emotionally and logically complex and I do not believe I can figure this out on my own.

Also, I know since I'm writing this that there is bias where I am trying to make you guys think she is the "bad guy." When there is no good or bad. Please ask for more details if necessary.

Please let me know your thoughts and thank you for any replies!
-Eric


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## WorkingOnMe

Women have a hard time respecting their servants.


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## E ric

WorkingOnMe said:


> Women have a hard time respecting their servants.


Would you mind providing more detail to your insight? 

Thank you


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## jld

If you were my son, I would advise you to leave her. 

You got married awfully young. Things can change a lot between the late teens and early twenties.

This slapping you business is not good. Have you discussed this with her? Have you told her you are within your rights to call the police if she continues this or engages in any other violent conduct?


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## BetrayedDad

*Re: "Let Go if You Love Something"*



E ric said:


> Would you mind providing more detail to your insight?


I will... you're a doormat who ALLOWS his wife to physically abuse him by not leaving her.

What you need to let go of, is your obvious codependency and toss her ass to the curb. This isn't love.

I realize you are only 21 but get some self respect man... Next time she assaults you call the police.


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## AtMyEnd

E ric said:


> Would you mind providing more detail to your insight?
> 
> Thank you


Stop kissing her butt. What do you do for yourself outside the marriage? What hobbies do you have that you without her, things you do yourself or with friends that make you happy? How often does she yell at you for doing something wrong that you don't feel you did wrong, but you apologize anyway?

Look up and read the book (it's short, but can be very eye opening) "No More Mr. Nice Guy" None of us are perfect, we all get into arguments, but if she feels you are too dependent on her, you lose. You lose her respect which in turn leads to her losing her attraction to you, which then can lead to her not needing or wanting you anymore. Read that book and the threads on this forum. There are a lot of people out there who can offer good advice, and some who just jump straight to "divorce her", so be careful.


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## urf

Too young to be in this kind of relationship. Good luck.


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## E ric

jld said:


> If you were my son, I would advise you to leave her.
> 
> You got married awfully young. Things can change a lot between the late teens and early twenties.
> 
> This slapping you business is not good. Have you discussed this with her? Have you told her you are within your rights to call the police if she continues this or engages in any other violent conduct?



As I said, we hope to talk later tonight. I am aware of my legal rights, but not something I wish to exercise. Any response here, I will surely include parts of when we speak.

Thank you for the reply


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## E ric

*Re: "Let Go if You Love Something"*



BetrayedDad said:


> I will... you're a doormat who ALLOWS his wife to physically abuse him by not leaving her.
> 
> What you need to let go of, is your obvious codependency and toss her ass to the curb. This isn't love.
> 
> I realize you are only 21 but get some self respect man... Next time she assaults you call the police.


Thank you for your reply, I will take what you have said with me.


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## E ric

AtMyEnd said:


> Stop kissing her butt. What do you do for yourself outside the marriage? What hobbies do you have that you without her, things you do yourself or with friends that make you happy? How often does she yell at you for doing something wrong that you don't feel you did wrong, but you apologize anyway?
> 
> Look up and read the book (it's short, but can be very eye opening) "No More Mr. Nice Guy" None of us are perfect, we all get into arguments, but if she feels you are too dependent on her, you lose. You lose her respect which in turn leads to her losing her attraction to you, which then can lead to her not needing or wanting you anymore. Read that book and the threads on this forum. There are a lot of people out there who can offer good advice, and some who just jump straight to "divorce her", so be careful.


I'll definitely search that book right now. Things I like to do are hiking, exploring, writing music, martial arts, and of course I enjoy working on my business as well. I'm always open to new things as well. I would say you are right on the too dependent thing. That sentence was very insightful. Also, I would say that the arguing over something I think I did wrong, that happens about 5/10 (10 being all the time). In some cases I actually do make bad decisions and accept responsibility for them.

Thank you


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## E ric

urf said:


> Too young to be in this kind of relationship. Good luck.


I appreciate your willingness to participate. A for effort I guess.

-Eric


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## jld

E ric said:


> As I said, we hope to talk later tonight. I am aware of my legal rights, but not something I wish to exercise. Any response here, I will surely include parts of when we speak.
> 
> Thank you for the reply


You seem like a very nice, polite young man, Eric. You deserve a young woman worthy of you.


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## Evinrude58

You're already sitting here worried about her reaction, worried if you're doing this and that, worried about what to do, etc.
You already know that talking to her will be just an exercise in futility.
My suggestion:
Go about your business and detach. Do what you know you SHOULD do as far as help around the house, paying bills. DON'T do any extra. 
Remain calm and unemotional whenever you are confronted by her. Use a recorder to record these fights. Show a trusted, older, mature person whom you respect the tapes. Let them decide if she is being unreasonable, or you.

One thing is for certain. You don't have to stay in a relationship that harms you and keeps you unhappy.

I have a question: What do you do for a living? You say she pays more than her half financially. That is unlikely to garner a lot of respect for you.


You got the **** slapped out of you? LOL, you have a woman that has zero respect for you. If she had respect for you, that would NOT happen. 
My conclusion: Once she loses respect, she will eventually cheat on you and leave you, or just leave you. It appears she has no respect at all for you. Think about it--- would you hit HER like that? Why not. Exactly.
Therefore the best solution would be to detach, get a better paying job, and determine later what you should do about your marriage. Most likely, the smart money is on moving on.


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## E ric

jld said:


> You seem like a very nice, polite young man, Eric. You deserve a young woman worthy of you.


I appreciate that. Maybe too nice? That's something to think about too.

Also, I really do appreciate every positive thing the relationship has given me thus far. Please feel free to offer any more advice if you think of something.

Thanks again


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## BetrayedDad

AtMyEnd said:


> There are a lot of people out there who can offer good advice, and some who just jump straight to "divorce her", so be careful.


There are also some who offer bad advice like "try to work it out with a physical abuser" because maybe they can change.

99% of these situations only escalate over time and RARELY ends well with spouses who are very comfortable with violence.

She slaps you around @E ric because she has no respect for you and thinks your a little *****. Leave her before you end up dead.


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## E ric

Evinrude58 said:


> You're already sitting here worried about her reaction, worried if you're doing this and that, worried about what to do, etc.
> You already know that talking to her will be just an exercise in futility.
> My suggestion:
> Go about your business and detach. Do what you know you SHOULD do as far as help around the house, paying bills. DON'T do any extra.
> Remain calm and unemotional whenever you are confronted by her. Use a recorder to record these fights. Show a trusted, older, mature person whom you respect the tapes. Let them decide if she is being unreasonable, or you.
> 
> One thing is for certain. You don't have to stay in a relationship that harms you and keeps you unhappy.
> 
> I have a question: What do you do for a living? You say she pays more than her half financially. That is unlikely to garner a lot of respect for you.
> 
> 
> You got the **** slapped out of you? LOL, you have a woman that has zero respect for you. If she had respect for you, that would NOT happen.
> My conclusion: Once she loses respect, she will eventually cheat on you and leave you, or just leave you. It appears she has no respect at all for you. Think about it--- would you hit HER like that? Why not. Exactly.
> Therefore the best solution would be to detach, get a better paying job, and determine later what you should do about your marriage. Most likely, the smart money is on moving on.



Thank you for the reply. I definitely understand where you are coming from. I just launched my business as a real-estate investor. I've already got my first couple of deals in the works and getting a business full throttle takes time, consistency, and patience. While I may not have much now, my goal is financial freedom. I do not do well at normal Jobs. Although I do teach guitar because I think it's fun (not bad pay either).


Thank you again for your input. Much appreciated.


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## Evinrude58

One doesn't call the police when a woman hits them. Bad advice, methinks. She will quickly turn things around so that the police think YOU are the abuser--- YOU will likely wind up in jail with a domestic violence charge on your record. 
What to do when your wife hits you, throws things at you, won't have a constructive conversation about problems with you?

You get a job, detach, and divorce them. 
That's what I suggest. How's the sex life? Nonexistant?


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## E ric

I also forgot to mention that her family is on the wealthier side and she gets financial support from her parents because she is in school atm. So she's not earning by a job/wage or anything yet. That support will end after her school is complete. Also, the physical abuse isn't an everyday thing, but I know it's something that is regarded as highly intolerable.


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## Steve1000

E ric said:


> Please let me know your thoughts and thank you for any replies!
> -Eric


Eric,
I just want to say that you seem very mature for a 21-year old. Unfortunately your 24 -year old wife doesn't seem to share that trait. 

While you're mature enough to try to maintain a stable marriage, there are other things that you are still forced to learn. Your wife is not emotionally healthy and she will likely never change unless perhaps if she realizes that she needs to change. Assuming you not yet have children, you should probably separate for a while for her to realize that you are not willing to be treated poorly.


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## Bananapeel

Sometimes the best thing you get from a relationship is life experience of what you will or will not tolerate. I think you are learning that what she is doing is not a loving relationship and not something you want for the rest of your life. To change her behavior you need to be willing to walk away. To have your self respect and you need to be willing to walk away. Sometimes walking away will change her attitude and allow you to fix the problem, but sometimes you just need to leave and never look back.


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## E ric

Sex life was definitely there, except we actually both don't have crazy sex drives. Once a week or so is normal now. It used to be a bit more than that. Less during final exams and deadlines etc... as well


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## E ric

Steve1000 said:


> Eric,
> I just want to say that you seem very mature for a 21-year old. Unfortunately your 24 -year old wife doesn't seem to share that trait.
> 
> While you're mature enough to try to maintain a stable marriage, there are other things that you are still forced to learn. Your wife is not emotionally healthy and she will likely never change unless perhaps if she realizes that she needs to change. Assuming you not yet have children, you should probably separate for a while for her to realize that you are not willing to be treated poorly.



Yes, no kids involved. Thank you for the input and I agree with your statement.


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## anchorwatch

E ric said:


> I'll definitely search that book right now. Things I like to do are hiking, exploring, writing music, martial arts, and of course I enjoy working on my business as well. I'm always open to new things as well. I would say you are right on the too dependent thing. That sentence was very insightful. Also, I would say that the arguing over something I think I did wrong, that happens about 5/10 (10 being all the time). In some cases I actually do make bad decisions and accept responsibility for them.
> 
> Thank you


Work on yourself! 

Here...

No More Mr Nice Guy

Boundaries: When To Say Yes, How to Say No or Boundaries in Marriage  

Hold on to Your NUTs: The Relationship Manual for Men

Best


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## Holdingontoit

Do NOT have kids with her. Do not rely on her for birth control. Use condoms and spermicide EVERY TIME. If she does not want that, don't have sex with her. Once you have kids, a nice guy like you will find it impossible to consider divorce.

Get No More Mr. Nice Guy TODAY. Start doing the breaking free exercises today. When you are well into implementing them, get and read Hold Onto Your N.U.T.S.

You are passive and co-dependent. Life tends to beat up people like that, no matter how nice you are to everyone around you. In fact, BECAUSE you are too nice to everyone around you.

You will find, to your surprise, that people treat you better when you behave more selfishly. It is NOT the case that the nicer you are to other people, the nicer they are back to you. Being polite only helps up to a point. Beyond that point, almost all people lose respect for you and some of them will take advantage of your weakness. It is lose lose for you. The people who like you and don't take advantage of you will sympathize but they won't do anything to make up for the losses you endure at the hands of those who abuse you.

Women do not find doormats attractive. Women have to respect a man to find him attractive. Women will never respect a man who allows her to hit him. Or walk all over him. If you want a better type of woman in your next relationship, you need to start standing up for yourself more. Might as well practice on your current wife.


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## NoChoice

OP,
Non sugar coated truth. People of privilege are quite often expectant of their way. They have an exaggerated view/opinion of themselves and an unrealistic idea of life in general. They tend to see others as a means to their end. She has seemingly been used to having what she wants and anything that is put ahead of her is unacceptable in her eyes. Hardship builds character and the lack thereof creates people like your wife. Hardship also builds intellect and intellect is required in any negotiation therefore, when you two "discuss" a situation and you are in less than complete agreement with her point of view she cannot present rational, reasoned arguments to validate her point so she does what someone lacking cognition does and resorts to violence.

She has much growing up to do and your decision must be do you wish to participate in that growth. If you do then you must begin to introduce reality into her world. If she becomes violent, defend yourself. I am not advocating offensive actions at all and never would but do not allow her to land blows on you. Duck them, block them or whatever but she must be made to understand that you are not her personal punching bag. Reasoning with her will prove mostly ineffectual and offensive physical violence is not the answer, that should have been done to her derriere by her parents when she was much younger but that ship has left the port and now it becomes your problem.

In all honesty the odds of this marriage working are almost wholly dependent upon whether or not she is capable of maturing beyond her present state. Mental growth can occur into the mid twenties but it requires much stimuli to induce and you are probably not fully prepared to handle this level of intensity due to your own inexperience. Obviously the easier thing to do would be divorce and move on but if you are committed to making your marriage work then you will have to step up to the role of quasi-parent. A difficult undertaking indeed for someone of your age and experience. However, if you are willing and she receptive then you two could grow together and could one day be quite happy but you will have to take the lead in that journey.

It will require much study and research on your part to understand the psyche of an immature individual so that you can manipulate her growth. It would have been very much different if the spankings were not omitted from her growing years and that is really what she needs now but it would be looked on socially as wrong at this point although I would much rather see her spanked than to face the life she may have in store if she continues on in her current mindset. Good fortune young man.


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## E ric

NoChoice said:


> OP,
> Non sugar coated truth. People of privilege are quite often expectant of their way. They have an exaggerated view/opinion of themselves and an unrealistic idea of life in general. They tend to see others as a means to their end. She has seemingly been used to having what she wants and anything that is put ahead of her is unacceptable in her eyes. Hardship builds character and the lack thereof creates people like your wife. Hardship also builds intellect and intellect is required in any negotiation therefore, when you two "discuss" a situation and you are in less than complete agreement with her point of view she cannot present rational, reasoned arguments to validate her point so she does what someone lacking cognition does and resorts to violence.
> 
> She has much growing up to do and your decision must be do you wish to participate in that growth. If you do then you must begin to introduce reality into her world. If she becomes violent, defend yourself. I am not advocating offensive actions at all and never would but do not allow her to land blows on you. Duck them, block them or whatever but she must be made to understand that you are not her personal punching bag. Reasoning with her will prove mostly ineffectual and offensive physical violence is not the answer, that should have been done to her derriere by her parents when she was much younger but that ship has left the port and now it becomes your problem.
> 
> In all honesty the odds of this marriage working are almost wholly dependent upon whether or not she is capable of maturing beyond her present state. Mental growth can occur into the mid twenties but it requires much stimuli to induce and you are probably not fully prepared to handle this level of intensity due to your own inexperience. Obviously the easier thing to do would be divorce and move on but if you are committed to making your marriage work then you will have to step up to the role of quasi-parent. A difficult undertaking indeed for someone of your age and experience. However, if you are willing and she receptive then you two could grow together and could one day be quite happy but you will have to take the lead in that journey.
> 
> It will require much study and research on your part to understand the psyche of an immature individual so that you can manipulate her growth. It would have been very much different if the spankings were not omitted from her growing years and that is really what she needs now but it would be looked on socially as wrong at this point although I would much rather see her spanked than to face the life she may have in store if she continues on in her current mindset. Good fortune young man.



Thank you for the reply. I am going to read that book right now to see what insights it may give me for my situation. 

Honestly, she's very intellectual (Master of Architecture) and smart. Sometimes we just don't dance the same dance and that is where things go wrong.


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## DepressedHusband

E ric said:


> Hi all, my name is Eric and after reading some posts on here I decided to give this forum a shot as I have seen many helpful responses from the users here. Part if this is seeking the counsel of others while it also about me expressing my emotions and feelings through typing this. Also, I thank you in advance for taking the time to read and respond to this post. I sincerely appreciate it. Please be honest and do not sugar coat anything. I'm looking for real and un-biased answers (hence why I'm asking strangers).
> 
> Background: My wife and I are both currently very young. I am 21 and she is 24. We have actually been married since I was 18 and she was 21, so three years. We have many common interests together, traveling, playing/writing music, and other hobbies. She studies architecture (grad student almost done) and I've just started along my own path as a real-estate investor. When we were first together I loved her like CRAZY. The first years we were together were nothing short of amazing. However, I feel like there have been some serious issues lately and that it has made some extremely large tears in our relationship. Before I proceed, I would like to mention she takes care of about 60 or 65% of the finances (from help of family) and does little housework. She does cook sometimes though. I do all the cooking, cleaning, maintaining, and I also run our Airbnb business for us because she is too busy with school. For now, I haven't been in business too long as to where I make a ton of money. So things happen to be a little tense on that front for now as well.
> 
> The Problem(s): As I type this message, I had to sleep on the floor in the room next to our bedroom because I got locked out of our room last night (crappy timing to have an Airbnb guest arrive that day as well...). The reason was that I had to finish cleaning for the Airbnb and didn't do what she asked me to do (prepare some food that would've taken less than 5 minutes). I admit, this was a mistake on my part. However, it's not just this, but it's how she reacts to things like this. She sometimes has a hard time controlling herself and she ended up throwing things at me (small items, not plates etc...). I listened to her reasoning and she said "You're never putting me first, it's always, this, then that, then that, and then you finally get to where I am." Again, I could improve on this for sure. Quarrels like these have happened more times as well (for different reasons), some more severe (sometimes she does get physical and I try to just dodge instead of block, mostly slap attempts). Although, I understand her positioning/reasoning, I absolutely disagree with the way the conflict is handled. In the most heated exchange, she slapped me so hard the right side of my face went numb for 5 minutes. Even though I work so hard everyday to get the life that we want together it just seems to me that no matter the level of detail, something is wrong with the way I'm doing things. I try to be cognizant of everything and I know I'm young, but I put myself in the category of being much more mature than other associates of my age (all of my "friends" are roughly 8-10 years older than me). I put us first and work for the future, however she sees it differently. She thinks I am not "with" her, rather I'm just present physically.
> 
> At the same time, I love her and want to try to be the best me that I can, but harmoniously I'm asking myself... why is she with you (me)? She doesn't seem happy with changes I've made. I also feel like those heated arguments/exchanges definitely put a bad dent in the relationship as it's so hard to look at the same person the same way as before. Hopefully my ideas are still coherent up to this point. Also, I'm really starting to think we are just incompatible at this point. There has been no cheating on each other or any sneaky behind-the-back stuff either. I don't think we "hate" each other either. That is definitely not the right word. So, I guess I'm just lost on what my next step should be and how to proceed with this situation. We hope to have a conversation tonight. I tell her I want us to communicate, but she angrily doesn't say anything and ignores me. Although, historically, she will eventually talk after her initial anger/frustration wears off.
> 
> 
> Is it best we let each other go and head our separate ways to work on ourselves? Should we work through it together and become stronger? Something like this is very emotionally and logically complex and I do not believe I can figure this out on my own.
> 
> Also, I know since I'm writing this that there is bias where I am trying to make you guys think she is the "bad guy." When there is no good or bad. Please ask for more details if necessary.
> 
> Please let me know your thoughts and thank you for any replies!
> -Eric


She is the dominant, you are the submissive, this is the power dynamic of your marriage, however it has turned into abuse, you have 2 options, man up and deal with it, which is unlikely to change the power dynamic, or get a divorce which is the most likely scenario where the abuse stops.


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## E ric

DepressedHusband said:


> She is the dominant, you are the submissive, this is the power dynamic of your marriage, however it has turned into abuse, you have 2 options, man up and deal with it, which is unlikely to change the power dynamic, or get a divorce which is the most likely scenario where the abuse stops.


I agree with that and have identified that as so. I have struggled to combat this and wish it was more balanced. However, through these posts and responses I've slowly put some pieces together.

Thank you all so far!


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## Diana7

I would never stay with an abusive violent spouse. She sounds like the immature one here, yet you are younger. I am sorry but abusers rarely change, and usually get more violent and abusive as time passes especially if their partner just accepts it. 
if you had a child, would you suggest they stay with someone who hits them and throws things at them? Who locks them out of their own bedroom and makes them sleep on the floor?How about the next time she does this you go and stay elsewhere for the night and 
dont tell her where you have been. 
I would usually advise to work things out, but not with an abuser. I think you have made a massive mistake marrying this lady and things will almost certainly get worse. 

If you must stay and be abused, keep a detailed account of all the abuse along with pictures, and tell her that if she EVER hits you again you are leaving, and you must mean it. At the moment there are no consequences to her had behaviour and you are walking on eggshells all the time which is VERY draining and can lead to emotional problems.You are living in fear of her violence and temper.


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## sokillme

Personally I think you need to reassess your life. You are a very young man getting beat up by your wife. That is a hell of a place to be. You show people how they should treat you. You have a responsibility to not allow yourself to be abused. Where is your honor?

This may be a good book for you to read.


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## sokillme

E ric said:


> Also, the physical abuse isn't an everyday thing, but I know it's something that is regarded as highly intolerable.


Once is enough. Seriously you deserve better.


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## DepressedHusband

E ric said:


> I agree with that and have identified that as so. I have struggled to combat this and wish it was more balanced. However, through these posts and responses I've slowly put some pieces together.
> 
> Thank you all so far!


For whatever reason, I have several theory, dominant women tend to be abusive unless caged early on.


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## NoChoice

E ric said:


> Thank you for the reply. I am going to read that book right now to see what insights it may give me for my situation.
> 
> Honestly, she's very intellectual (Master of Architecture) and smart. Sometimes we just don't dance the same dance and that is where things go wrong.


It is a common misconception to equate the ability to store and regurgitate knowledge to intellect but in reality intelligence is the ability to compile, disseminate and create new knowledge from existing data. "Common sense" versus "booksmart". A person can be quite knowledgeable and yet lack the ability to use that knowledge effectively.


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## mary35

I don't believe in giving up so quickly! If there is love in your marriage then there are still many things to try before ending it. First - start with some marriage counseling. You both need to learn communication and conflict resolution skills. There is NO EXCUSE for physical and emotional abuse - ever! Find a good marriage counselor. If she won't go with you - go alone and do individual counseling! You can't change her - you can only change yourself. Hopefully - she is agreeable to working on your marriage too and working on her own issues.

I agree with others that you need to learn to set and enforce proper boundaries on how you will allow her to treat you. Counseling will help you with that too! So bottom line - don't give up on your marriage yet. Start to work on yourself, read the books suggested, get some professional counseling for you, and hopefully marriage counselling for both of you. Then see where you and your marriage are at. Hopefully you will find it in a much better state because of your new learned skills. Good Luck!


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## arbitrator

*While you both are still awfully young and given that there hasn't been an episode of infidelity in your lives, I'd give some leeway to telling you, @E ric ~ that there's still ample time to adjust!

But given the magnitude of her behavior and actions, I greatly feel that you must ask yourself this one empowering question:

In this regard, what will her behavior be like toward you say in 5, 10, 15, or even 25 years? 

She seems like an overly-financially pampered child who has always been given her way without question, by parents of rather upper economic means! Does she have siblings and if so, are they the same way? What is their interaction process with her?

Without the presence of kids, now would be a good time to escape from that "concentration camp!"

So right now, exactly what do your gut instincts tell you about your current situation as well as whatever the prognosis is on the long term future?*


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## ConanHub

Couldn't finish your post.

You strike me as a beta male in a very bad sense.

Mrs. Conan gets pissy and slaps me? She knows I will pick her little ass up, carry her to the bedroom and administer a spanking possibly followed by banging her brains out.

She ever locked me out of my own bedroom? Seriously?

The moment I became convinced she wasn't opening the door, it would be slammed off it's hinges.

I would then calmly ask her what she wanted in the divorce and she would be doing backflips if she expected to keep me after a *****y stunt like that.

I didn't vote but would advise you to stop the rollercoaster you call a marriage and get help.

You are far too accepting of abuse and she doesn't know how to respond in a healthy manner to apparently any of life's little hiccups.


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## 3Xnocharm

She is abusive and has issues you cannot fix. I voted to end it.


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## DepressedHusband

ConanHub said:


> Couldn't finish your post.
> 
> You strike me as a beta male in a very bad sense.
> 
> Mrs. Conan gets pissy and slaps me? She knows I will pick her little ass up, carry her to the bedroom and administer a spanking possibly followed by banging her brains out.
> 
> She ever locked me out of my own bedroom? Seriously?
> 
> The moment I became convinced she wasn't opening the door, it would be slammed off it's hinges.
> 
> I would then calmly ask her what she wanted in the divorce and she would be doing backflips if she expected to keep me after a *****y stunt like that.
> 
> I didn't vote but would advise you to stop the rollercoaster you call a marriage and get help.
> 
> You are far too accepting of abuse and she doesn't know how to respond in a healthy manner to apparently any of life's little hiccups.


you think like me, except I try not to get domestic abuse charges filed in court, lol


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## BetrayedDad

Ironically @E ric.... submissive women loathe submissive men. They seek out alpha males to take charge for them.

So you have two choices really (AFTER you dump this nut bag you're with since that's not really an option):

1) Continue getting slapped around by dominant women who seek out punching bags like you for their own amusement.

2) Work VERY HARD on fixing your beta mentality. At least enough, to find a normal woman who will not lose respect for you.


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## AtMyEnd

BetrayedDad said:


> There are also some who offer bad advice like "try to work it out with a physical abuser" because maybe they can change.
> 
> 99% of these situations only escalate over time and RARELY ends well with spouses who are very comfortable with violence.
> 
> She slaps you around @E ric because she has no respect for you and thinks your a little *****. Leave her before you end up dead.


While you're post is true and no one should put up with an abusive spouse, at the same time has he ever stood up for himself? I myself have never been in an abusive relationship but I know some who have. Typically the abusiveness starts with the loss of respect and knowing that they can get away with smacking or throwing things with no repercussions. It's like when you were a kid and someone picked on you. They'll keep picking on you until you stand up to them and let them know you're not going to take it anymore.

Before just giving up and walking out on the marriage, he at least owes it to himself to finally make a stand and let her know he's not going to take her crap anymore. It might make a difference and it might not.


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## BetrayedDad

AtMyEnd said:


> While you're post is true and no one should put up with an abusive spouse, at the same time has he ever stood up for himself? I myself have never been in an abusive relationship but I know some who have. Typically the abusiveness starts with the loss of respect and knowing that they can get away with smacking or throwing things with no repercussions. It's like when you were a kid and someone picked on you. They'll keep picking on you until you stand up to them and let them know you're not going to take it anymore.
> 
> Before just giving up and walking out on the marriage, he at least owes it to himself to finally make a stand and let her know he's not going to take her crap anymore. It might make a difference and it might not.


Agree to disagree.

You stand up to strangers who bully you all day long but your own wife? Someone who's supposed to LOVE you and PROTECT you?

Nah, you dump them hard and fast. With loved ones like that, who needs enemies? If I have to "stand up" to my spouse, that's no spouse worth having.


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## jb02157

If you want this marriage to work you are going to have to stop her from physically abusing you and her rage has to kept under control. I'm notg sure I see that happened though. You seem content to just her do it. In that case I would advise you to divorce her.


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## Vinnydee

I strongly believe in the saying that if you love someone you let her go. If she returns she is yours. If not she never was meant to be so. I entered into an ethical non monogamous marriage with my wife. If I treated her badly or was unwilling to fulfill her important needs, she was free to go and date some other men or women to get what she needs. I set her free and she came back to me and stayed with me forsaking others. 

I’ve seen how the whole relationship lockdown breeds an almost viral tendency to take the other person for granted, to have huge expectations, and to deliver this all from a sense of duty and obligation — without a thank you! This stifling setup can lead to cheating and/or divorce. It is like when you are dating girls. You are on your best behavior because your date can easily find someone better. That is how it feels in a non monogamous marriage. Not pushing this lifestyle because I have seen it fail more than succeed. I am just trying to explain my feelings on the subject and what worked for us. In fact, after my wife had sex with another man she said I was more than enough and she could not imagine more intense orgasms than she was getting from me. She never had sex with another man again. Women were a different story but I cannot compete with a vagina. 

The point is that I was engaged once before and I can feel the difference in love when your partner is with you because their morality gives them no other choice. They do not have to make you feel sexy every day or compromise with you. You will always be there. With my wife, I know that she can date anyone she wants to and she has had a lot of offers, but she only wants me, not out of obligation or morals, but because she loves me enough to only want me and is willing to make sure she lets me know each and every day how much I mean to her. I do the same with her. For a couple in our mid sixties we are very frisky. None of our friends even have sex anymore. I make my 65 year old wife feel like she is the sexiest girl in the world. Every day I make sure she knows how desirable she is to me. When she asked me how I could feel that way about a 65 year old woman, even though she is considered a hottie among the woman her age and can pull off a bikini still, I tell her that when I see her I see the girl that I married at 19.

We both agreed that we would have divorced like all of our friends and siblings if we did not give each other the freedom to leave and explore others. We did explore and in the end discovered that we only wanted each other, not out of a sense of commitment or we were stuck with each other due to religion or a morality that fails a marriage 50% of the time, but because we truly love each other and no other.


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## E ric

Vinnydee said:


> I strongly believe in the saying that if you love someone you let her go. If she returns she is yours. If not she never was meant to be so. I entered into an ethical non monogamous marriage with my wife. If I treated her badly or was unwilling to fulfill her important needs, she was free to go and date some other men or women to get what she needs. I set her free and she came back to me and stayed with me forsaking others.
> 
> I’ve seen how the whole relationship lockdown breeds an almost viral tendency to take the other person for granted, to have huge expectations, and to deliver this all from a sense of duty and obligation — without a thank you! This stifling setup can lead to cheating and/or divorce. It is like when you are dating girls. You are on your best behavior because your date can easily find someone better. That is how it feels in a non monogamous marriage. Not pushing this lifestyle because I have seen it fail more than succeed. I am just trying to explain my feelings on the subject and what worked for us. In fact, after my wife had sex with another man she said I was more than enough and she could not imagine more intense orgasms than she was getting from me. She never had sex with another man again. Women were a different story but I cannot compete with a vagina.
> 
> The point is that I was engaged once before and I can feel the difference in love when your partner is with you because their morality gives them no other choice. They do not have to make you feel sexy every day or compromise with you. You will always be there. With my wife, I know that she can date anyone she wants to and she has had a lot of offers, but she only wants me, not out of obligation or morals, but because she loves me enough to only want me and is willing to make sure she lets me know each and every day how much I mean to her. I do the same with her. For a couple in our mid sixties we are very frisky. None of our friends even have sex anymore. I make my 65 year old wife feel like she is the sexiest girl in the world. Every day I make sure she knows how desirable she is to me. When she asked me how I could feel that way about a 65 year old woman, even though she is considered a hottie among the woman her age and can pull off a bikini still, I tell her that when I see her I see the girl that I married at 19.
> 
> We both agreed that we would have divorced like all of our friends and siblings if we did not give each other the freedom to leave and explore others. We did explore and in the end discovered that we only wanted each other, not out of a sense of commitment or we were stuck with each other due to religion or a morality that fails a marriage 50% of the time, but because we truly love each other and no other.


Fantastic Post. Thank you.


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## E ric

Good day to everyone, I wanted to post this to provide an update on what is happening.

Last night we had a 2+ hour discussion about everything. I thought extremely hard about what is the next step. Essentially, I proposed one of two options. I thought about all of the answers given in this thread to help me make some decisions as well. 

1.) Separation. This would be the only possible conclusion if this circle continues. Clearly, the way things are going no one is happy with each other.

2.) We do an extreme re-assessment of expectations, conflict resolutions, and non negotiable needs in the relationship in order to shift the overall dynamic of our relationship. 

We have ultimately concluded for option #2. Reasoning:

It's near impossible to tell a life story through a forum post, so everyone cannot see the whole picture. I happen to agree with the other posters that if we really had it with each other, someone would've cheated by now. I should mention we also had a one year long distance relationship and that we maintained. However, I know there is still love present. It just has to be shifted.

We're working on putting this type of "charter" together to make sure everything is solid and crystal clear to one another. I believe this is the only way to change things. Of course, I definitely took everyone's advice and told her that her reactions will not be tolerated any further. She knows I can survive on my own and that I do have access to other resources. I absolutely told her, if we can't agree to move forward with these changes and both agree on the terms then the only other option is we split up. After all the effort of trying to make it happen, if we still revert to our old ways, #1 would be the only option left.


What advice do you guys have for the above? Essentially I proposed we lay out crystal clear guidelines for expectations, needs (for both of us), and conflict resolution. In my gut, I definitely feel like I'm making the right move here by trying some radically different (as opposed to just a simple apology etc...) 


EDIT: I'm definitely going to go through these forums and get lots of ideas from other people and what has worked for them. I will definitely finish the No More Mr. Nice Guy book and I will definitely complete the N.U.T.S as well. Identifying these is also a necessary step in personal growth as well.

How else can I improve upon what I had mentioned previously? Please feel free to respond.

-E


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## BetrayedDad

E ric said:


> I happen to agree with the other posters that if we really had it with each other, someone would've cheated by now.


Spouses who aren't respected get cheated on. You are an incredibly disrespected spouse. 

Not saying she cheated on you since you have not presented any evidence she has.

All I'm saying, is I wouldn't be surprised one bit. I wouldn't take it off the table man.

Just saying.....


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## AtMyEnd

BetrayedDad said:


> Agree to disagree.
> 
> You stand up to strangers who bully you all day long but your own wife? Someone who's supposed to LOVE you and PROTECT you?
> 
> Nah, you dump them hard and fast. With loved ones like that, who needs enemies? If I have to "stand up" to my spouse, that's no spouse worth having.


But see that's my point. She's supposed to love, protect and respect him but she's not. At one point she must have or she wouldn't be with him in the first place, and at some point or over the course of time she lost that. So what's the harm in standing up to her, give her something she isn't expecting, it might just shock so respect back into and they can go from there. It's clear he loves her or he wouldn't be here asking for advice on how he can possibly fix the situation. What's the worst that could happen, he grows a set, stands up to her BS and shows her he's not going to stand for it anymore, and things still don't work out and they divorce? At least by finally standing up to her, he may regain some self respect that will only help him in his next relationship.


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## Holdingontoit

Only advice for you is to have a zero tolerance policy toward her. None of this "she is only human" acceptance of slip ups. She has to be perfect or you walk. 

I doubt she can be perfect, because she does not sound sufficiently remorseful. She doesn't sound like she is horrified by what she did to you. Or that is was isolated or uncharacteristic for her.

And I doubt you will hold her to it and walk when she slips up. I am praying you prove me wrong.


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## 3Xnocharm

Your #2 option is mandatory whether you stay in the same home or you separate, its a non-negotiable. And I agree you need a zero tolerance policy... the very next time she gets physical, you end it.


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## maritalloneliness

IMHO, you are coming across ad being passive or submissive. Your wife is verbally and physically abusive towards you. Sounds awfully excessive to lock you out because you didn't prepare some food for her. I know you're young but no one deserve to be treated that way. You need to set up some boundaries and expectations for the relationship and at this point I would suggest separating and individual counseling. 

Sent from my SM-N910T using Tapatalk


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## E ric

Yes, I will make it clear that any other physical harm will not be tolerated or I walk. I totally agree on that. I also said to her it doesn't matter why it just matters that it happened. Whether or not I did something wrong. 

That will be one of the things I stick to my word on. Thank you once again for all who have helped. Please feel free to offer any more advice as I will continue to check on this thread for awhile.

-E


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## jld

E ric said:


> Yes, I will make it clear that any other physical harm will not be tolerated or I walk. I totally agree on that. I also said to her it doesn't matter why it just matters that it happened. Whether or not I did something wrong.
> 
> That will be one of the things I stick to my word on. Thank you once again for all who have helped. Please feel free to offer any more advice as I will continue to check on this thread for awhile.
> 
> -E


Just wanted to say I don't think you are a submissive. I would definitely call you a dominant. 

You are taking responsibility for getting this relationship back on track, and doing it with a lot of love, intelligence, compassion, and maturity. That is definitely dominant behavior.

She is very lucky.


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## BetrayedDad

AtMyEnd said:


> But see that's my point. She's supposed to love, protect and respect him but she's not. At one point she must have or she wouldn't be with him in the first place, and at some point or over the course of time she lost that. So what's the harm in standing up to her, give her something she isn't expecting, it might just shock so respect back into and they can go from there. It's clear he loves her or he wouldn't be here asking for advice on how he can possibly fix the situation. What's the worst that could happen, he grows a set, stands up to her BS and shows her he's not going to stand for it anymore, and things still don't work out and they divorce? At least by finally standing up to her, he may regain some self respect that will only help him in his next relationship.


I like your compassion, you're a good person. I wish I had it but I just don't. Its great to get all hung up on the "fight for them" "soul mate" mentality that tv has brainwashed everyone with. Life's NOT a Disney fairytale. He will wake up one day and realize it like most people eventually do.

The truth is: 

He's 21, has his WHOLE life ahead of him and NOW is time to start over and chalk it up to "young and dumb" If his real estate business takes off he'll be swimming in dough. If he's in half decent shape he's GOLDEN. There's TONS of single good women in his age bracket. He can't see the forest threw the ugly tree in his way. He's codependent on her and obsessed with trying to make it work because he's a fool. He thinks this is love when its just chemicals in his brain affecting his judgment. Most of us are foolish at that age then we get to our 40s and say "WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING?!?"

Not to worry, he's going to try to work it out with her unfortunately. I could tell from post #1 he was too weak to do the hard work of actually dumping her and just wants easy answers on how to tolerate her physical abuse. Some people only learn the hard way. And he will continue to get slapped around like a punk until he either wakes up and get some self respect or she messes him up and hurts him or feigns injury and gets him tossed in jail. Hopefully by then he won't be TOO broken to start over.


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## AtMyEnd

BetrayedDad said:


> The truth is:
> 
> He's codependent on her and obsessed with trying to make it work because he's a fool. He thinks this is love when its just chemicals in his brain affecting his judgment. Most of us are at that age are fools then we get to our 40s and say "WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING?!?"
> 
> I could tell from post #1 he was too weak to do the hard work of actually dumping her and just wants easy answers on how to tolerate her physical abuse.


I do agree with you, here and in most of your other posts, and yes my thinking on things is a little different as was my situation. One of my points with Eric here is that yes, he is young, he does have his whole life ahead of him, he is codependent and he is too weak to just say the hell with it and dump her. But at the same time he needs to stand up for himself, for his own well being and this situation is the best opportunity to do so. If he stands up for himself and she doesn't change or start to make an attempt, then yes it's time to end it. But at least it will have helped him start to take back his manhood which can only help his confidence in future relationships. If he doesn't stand up to her and let her know he's not going to take this anymore and he just continues on being the same weak codependent person, that will never change and could lead him into another relationship just like this one. He needs to stand up for himself and stick this out a little while to see if things change, if for nothing more than to be a learning experience for him because he is so young and naïve.


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## Bremik

What was your wife's response when you told her physical abuse will not be tolerated? You told everyone what you said in the discussion, what did your wife have to say? What were her emotions during the discussion?


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## 28years

Hi Eric,


Thank you for sharing your post. My husband and I were married young too him being 18 and me 22. Being young and being married IMO is difficult because your just starting to figure out who you and Where your life is going and balancing life as a married man and woman. To me you sound like a very level headed individual and you seem to want to not only succeed in life but in your marriage. 

The first and most important thing I want to address is your wife's anger, we all get angry but at no time in point is it okay to put your hands on anyone. I know you probably don't want to hear this but that is abuse. It seems that she may have some anger that she is not able to verbalize and so she resorts to lashing out at you. Please if you want to stay in this marriage seek some professional help because this is not healthy in any way. When I was in my twenties the thought of getting help would have sounded insulting to me but I say to you what do you have to loose? 


I would like to say that you being locked out of the room and sleeping on the floor is terrible, and it just sucks. I never went to bed angry with my H it was just something that my grandmother told me when I got married . She said never go to bed angry even if you have to stay up all night to resolve the issue. Have a conversation with your wife and tell her everything your feeling and encourage her to tell you how she is feeling. I am sure your wife has some things buried deep inside her that she is not saying and as a result she has pent up anger. It is early in your marriage and if you two can learn to navigate through proper communication then it will be most beneficial. I am saying these things to you not because I am in any position to give the best advise but because I wish someone would have shared these things with me. 

It is really up to you at the end of the day if you want to aggressively work on your marriage to the woman you vowed to love. If you try and you both can not work through things at least you separate knowing that you tried and you both can have some kind of closure and move on with your lives. Marriage is a journey ...... I know that sounds cliché but it really is. There are ups and downs and struggles that will test any marriage. Don't get caught up in what people tell you to do read what they write go back and see what their story is and empathize with them so you have a better understanding of why they are giving you the advise their giving. 

I have not been on this site for long but the advise that I have gotten with my situation has helped me and made me question my self it has also empowered me. It always boils down to one thing at the end of the day ......What is the best way for YOU to handle your marriage and how you want to address the issues. I wish you nothing but happiness and I am praying that you and your wife will stick it out together and work through your issues. 

Respectfully,
28years

PS I am not encouraging you to allow your wife to mistreat you there must be mutual respect for one another if she is not willing to work on her issues that is not your fault.


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## E ric

Awesome responses here from everyone yet again. I love seeing both sides of the spectrum and differences in thoughts. 

More info: 
We worked it out even more and during the conversation, after I told her physical abuse will not be tolerated, she acknowledged her wrongs and was admittedly very sorry for her actions. I said it was unacceptable and she agreed. We worked over how we would resolve conflict with one another, what are expectations were, and we each wrote down our individual needs of the relationship.

I had said, I'm willing to put in the work and effort to continue our relationship, only if these things change. If you're not on board with this, then I have no choice but to leave because both of us will end up not happy and dissatisfied. Since this is new stuff for her too, I believe what we talked about ultimately shattered existing paradigms and set the stage for a new dynamic. I've also been doing my own work. (Page 100 of NMMNG). I've been doing the breaking free's and I've also come up with my new set of NUTS that will act as an indefinite boundary of things I need to have self-fulfillment. I've also told her the importance of being able to walk-away from someone. I'm not trying to be a boy-man anymore. My goal is also to be far more direct, apologize less for petty behavior, and stop seeking external validation (not just in the relationship, but in everyday life).

So far, so good with the new plan and both us seem on board with it. I honestly think this is what is missing. When we first met, this is more of who I was. I wasn't someone who did bended to every last wish, I was someone with passion for what I was doing and not seeking any external validation from our relationship. I think over the years as that changed, I changed and she with it. My father recently passed away because of his alcohol addiction (divorced because it too). He was always trying to make everyone else happy, and I'm having an epiphany as I type this, THAT IS WHERE I GOT THIS FROM. He never stood up to move on and become his own man that stood for his core beliefs and values. He always bowed down to my mom and always tried to please her by trying to do everything the "right" way. He always told me, "I could never be right! It was always this or always that!" I am having full realization now that I was not raised properly to become a man in the true sense of the word. I absolutely will not become like him. I saw the end of his life. He was alone, never moved on, had no true core beliefs, tried to please everyone but himself, took care of everyone but himself, and ultimately this method of living failed him. This is a true insight for me.

All that being said, what are other essential concepts I should read into to improve myself?
-E


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## AtMyEnd

E ric said:


> Awesome responses here from everyone yet again. I love seeing both sides of the spectrum and differences in thoughts.
> 
> More info:
> We worked it out even more and during the conversation, after I told her physical abuse will not be tolerated, she acknowledged her wrongs and was admittedly very sorry for her actions. I said it was unacceptable and she agreed. We worked over how we would resolve conflict with one another, what are expectations were, and we each wrote down our individual needs of the relationship.
> 
> I had said, I'm willing to put in the work and effort to continue our relationship, only if these things change. If you're not on board with this, then I have no choice but to leave because both of us will end up not happy and dissatisfied. Since this is new stuff for her too, I believe what we talked about ultimately shattered existing paradigms and set the stage for a new dynamic. I've also been doing my own work. (Page 100 of NMMNG). I've been doing the breaking free's and I've also come up with my new set of NUTS that will act as an indefinite boundary of things I need to have self-fulfillment. I've also told her the importance of being able to walk-away from someone. I'm not trying to be a boy-man anymore. My goal is also to be far more direct, apologize less for petty behavior, and stop seeking external validation (not just in the relationship, but in everyday life).
> 
> So far, so good with the new plan and both us seem on board with it. I honestly think this is what is missing. When we first met, this is more of who I was. I wasn't someone who did bended to every last wish, I was someone with passion for what I was doing and not seeking any external validation from our relationship. I think over the years as that changed, I changed and she with it. My father recently passed away because of his alcohol addiction (divorced because it too). He was always trying to make everyone else happy, and I'm having an epiphany as I type this, THAT IS WHERE I GOT THIS FROM. He never stood up to move on and become his own man that stood for his core beliefs and values. He always bowed down to my mom and always tried to please her by trying to do everything the "right" way. He always told me, "I could never be right! It was always this or always that!" I am having full realization now that I was not raised properly to become a man in the true sense of the word. I absolutely will not become like him. I saw the end of his life. He was alone, never moved on, had no true core beliefs, tried to please everyone but himself, took care of everyone but himself, and ultimately this method of living failed him. This is a true insight for me.
> 
> All that being said, what are other essential concepts I should read into to improve myself?
> -E


This all sounds great and is a perfect starting point. The one big big thing with all of this though, whatever you said during the conversation, the things you wanted to see from her and the things you don't want to see from her......when something happens you MUST STAND YOUR GROUND. There is no gimmie room here, if you let anything slide it could cause her to lose more respect for you. And no, there's no need to make a big deal about silly little things that piss you off, you need to pick your battles wisely. But the major things you talked about you must stand your ground on. It's the only way things will get better


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## E ric

AtMyEnd said:


> This all sounds great and is a perfect starting point. The one big big thing with all of this though, whatever you said during the conversation, the things you wanted to see from her and the things you don't want to see from her......when something happens you MUST STAND YOUR GROUND. There is no gimmie room here, if you let anything slide it could cause her to lose more respect for you. And no, there's no need to make a big deal about silly little things that piss you off, you need to pick your battles wisely. But the major things you talked about you must stand your ground on. It's the only way things will get better


Whole-heartedly agree. I made it EXTREMELY clear.


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## AtMyEnd

E ric said:


> Whole-heartedly agree. I made it EXTREMELY clear.


I understand that you made everything clear to her, and I think it's a great thing on your part that you were able to do that. The bigger and most important part of all of this though, is that you made it extremely clear to yourself as well. It's like the old saying "Talk is cheap", you've made your stance to your wife, you've told her you're not going to take her crap anymore. But the hardest part of all this is yet to come. The hardest part is going to be when you actually have to act on what you said. You CAN NOT back down on any of it. If you do all it will show her is that talk is cheap and she can continue to walk all over you whenever she wants and you'll do nothing to stop her even though you said you weren't going to take it.


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## GusPolinski

WorkingOnMe said:


> Women have a hard time respecting their servants.


^^^ EXACTLY this ^^^


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## E ric

AtMyEnd said:


> I understand that you made everything clear to her, and I think it's a great thing on your part that you were able to do that. The bigger and most important part of all of this though, is that you made it extremely clear to yourself as well. It's like the old saying "Talk is cheap", you've made your stance to your wife, you've told her you're not going to take her crap anymore. But the hardest part of all this is yet to come. The hardest part is going to be when you actually have to act on what you said. You CAN NOT back down on any of it. If you do all it will show her is that talk is cheap and she can continue to walk all over you whenever she wants and you'll do nothing to stop her even though you said you weren't going to take it.


I have made that clear to myself. I know I have the capabilities to do it. I know I can be by myself, however, it's the last course of action I would like to take. But I know I'll be able to do it. I can always come to to this thread as a reminder as well. This will always be here.


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