# How she handled this



## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

This is going to sound stupider than it is. Please don't pile on me. I know I asked for it, lol!

So my wife is one of those people who just doesn't compliment the physical aspect of me (or anybody else, for that matter), especially in a sexual way. I'm used to it, and it's her, not me. I don't fish for physical compliments, ever. I do point out occasionally that it'd be nice to hear something along those lines every now and again, simply because everybody needs to know if their spouse finds them attractive or not.

But the other day, I asked her straight up - about my d***. Not if it's big or small or anything... I know better than to ask those questions! But I said something like "What do you like about it?". (so I guess I WAS fishing... doh!). In almost 7 years together, she's not once said a word about it, good or bad, during sex, or otherwise.

She responded by saying "What do you mean?" To which I basically asked the same question again. Just tell me something positive about it! So she thought for a second, and responded "I've never thought about it. I mean, they're all the same". I laughed, and said "Seriously?" to which she replied "Well, some are big and some are small, but yeah, they're all the same". I re-iterated that I wasn't asking about size. "They're like vaginas, they all look the same!" I said "Good Lord, no! They're all very very different!" She said "You know what I mean."

So I dropped it.

So on the one hand, I get it. Afaik, she's not a size queen, so it's not that. I've heard her talk about the odd sexual thing here and there with her girlfriends, and it's never been penis-related. I've also never heard her make specific comments about her own body (ie. I wish I had bigger boobs, etc.) so I know she's not hung up on what certain body parts look like, or "should" look like. Which is actually cool.

I do actually think that she doesn't pay attention to what it looks like, nor does she care, which is fine. But I think I was hoping she'd take the opportunity to say something nice to me, but it went right over her head (as it usually does). I mean, I can imagine many of you ladies would find it odd if your man never once said something positive about your breasts - breast man or not. Even if you knew they couldn't care less about your boobs one way or the other, you'd be like "Dude! come ON!"

So how many women feel somewhat the same way? Aside from size extremes, or preferences, do some of you feel that they do all look the same, or you otherwise don't even notice?


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

LOL! Not trying to butt in but from the the descriptions of your wife, she doesn't seem as focused on certain aspects of life, maybe especially sex related aspects, as most.

I don't think she seems comfortable exploring certain lines of thought and definitely doesn't like talking bout them.

I totally get where you're coming from though. Compliments from our SOs are valued. Mrs. Conan didn't start commenting about my unit until maybe a few years ago and we've been together nearly 24.

There are several other women that I have barely met that started talking, or wanted to anyway, about my junk.

I think it is just how different people are wired.

Maybe you could let her know your bodies are interesting to talk about and maybe a direction of conversation you would like to start developing.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Alex, do you compliment her? Does she respond to compliments at all? If you do compliment her, and stopped completely, would she notice or care?


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

Oh, I totally get it, Conan, I do! Not all people are wired the same, for sure. And I DO get that the physical side of things are a non-issue to many people.

It's just frustrating that these types of doors are always open for my wife (and people like her...) and it goes right over their heads. It's sad that I have to ask my wife to say something nice about me, physically (she compliments me in other ways), and when I do, I get "They're all the same!" lol.

Gee, thanks! My **** is the same as everybody elses! I feel special.


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

Married but Happy said:


> Alex, do you compliment her? Does she respond to compliments at all? If you do compliment her, and stopped completely, would she notice or care?


I compliment her in the way most "normal" people compliment others. You look great today. Thank you for doing this/that. I appreciate your doing that. You have great boobs (!!!). Man, you're beautiful. You're a great mother. blah blah blah.

Normal stuff, both physical (and sexual) and otherwise. I try to set an example for her, and my compliments and praise are always legit, and not for the sake of complimenting. I also rarely criticize, fwiw.

She responds as most normal people do. When I say something positive during sex, she responds as though it's a turn-on, so she gets THAT aspect of it, too. When it's non-sexual/physical, I get a "thank you honey!" and a kiss or a smile.

Compliments don't go over HER head...


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Okay, she understands compliments and responds appropriately. If you stopped physical compliments, would it harm your relationship? Or, might it make a point that she could understand? It may not change anything, of course, and if she's not one to give compliments, she may not start doing so even if she understands.


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

I can't imagine that I will ever, in my life, compliment a man on what his member looks like. Besides size, what kind of compliment would you like? I mean, would "I love it" be enough? "You have a great ____!" Or would it need to be more specific? I would have no clue what to say. Because of issues from childhood, I also would have a major emotional reaction (negatively) to someone asking me what I thought of what it looked like.

I'm very complimentary in other ways, though.


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

If you ask her to compliment you, ask her to hug you, ask her to .....

If she does it, you will think it isn't real because she only reacted to you asking. If she doesn't you will wonder if that is just the way she is or if she just isn't into you.

You have a choice to continue being kind and considerate of her and hope she follows. Or stop it all and hope it causes her to think about her side of the equation. Asking will just lead to frustration.


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

For 30 years I have been in the camp of being kind and considerate and hoping she follows. I got to tell you. It gets old. 

Now that I am over 50, I am finding it easier to just stop it all. Less frustration. And all I am really missing is maybe 3 hours a month of love and affection.


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

alexm said:


> So how many women feel somewhat the same way?


I'm with @SecondTime'Round on this one. I have never once complimented a man's c0ck based on looks. 




alexm said:


> Aside from size extremes, or preferences, do some of you feel that they do all look the same, or you otherwise don't even notice?


It's not that I didn't notice but to me, functionality beats aesthetics every.single.time.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

I guess I'm also a little baffled as to what, exactly, you wanted her to say about your package? I'm quite serious. Were you hoping to hear "nice shave" or "it's so big" or "what a handsome fella" or something else? Perhaps asking her if she thought X or Y about it might have been a better lead in. I can quite easily see how she might not otherwise know exactly what you'd like her to say. 

By the way, "what do you think of my penis?" is one of those questions like "what do you think of this dress?" that set off all the internal alarms of the person being asked. You suddenly look around and realize you're in the dead center of a minefield with no recollection of how you got there, and no obvious means of escape. Anything you say can be taken the wrong way, and likely will be. Unless you already know the exact answer the asker wants to hear, you're likely to get it "wrong".

And they say men don't sh!t test........


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## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

So my husband asked me this same question awhile back. I was just like your wife, I thought it was a size question. He says no, not size. I am thinking what do you want me to say. I thought it was lovely. He said , lovely? Like was kind of answer is lovely.

So what kind of answer are you guys looking for and need to heard. Its not like I going around inspecting penises , what do you want to hear?


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

brooklynAnn said:


> So my husband asked me this same question awhile back. I was just like your wife, I thought it was a size question. He says no, not size. I am thinking what do you want me to say. I thought it was lovely. He said , lovely? Like was kind of answer is lovely.
> 
> So what kind of answer are you guys looking for and need to heard. Its not like I going around inspecting penises , what do you want to hear?


Guys would want to hear things like:

I love it
I think about it sometimes when you aren't around
I love how connected we feel when it is inside me
You fill me up

The kicker is that in a marriage where sex is not happening, the wife could never answer like this. It is obvious they don't feel this way. 

It is a question that a person should never ask when their marriage is not going well sexually. It is a question that a person doesn't need to ask when the marriage is good.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
I'm afraid it was an unintentional mine field question. 

I've never thought specifically about my wife's genitals and would have no idea what to say if she asked. I love seeing her naked, but its the entire picture I like, not one particular part.


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## SARAHMCD (Jul 2, 2014)

brooklynAnn said:


> So my husband asked me this same question awhile back. I was just like your wife, I thought it was a size question. He says no, not size. I am thinking what do you want me to say. I thought it was lovely. He said , lovely? Like was kind of answer is lovely.
> 
> So what kind of answer are you guys looking for and need to heard. Its not like I going around inspecting penises , what do you want to hear?


:iagree:

I would never ask my SO to tell me what he liked about my V. It just seems like such a strange question. I get the talking dirty in bed thing. Telling each other how you feel, what you want each other to do, but to describe a specific part? Really not sure what you want to hear?


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

SadSamIAm said:


> Guys would want to hear things like:
> 
> I love it
> I think about it sometimes when you aren't around
> ...


This. I know what H wants to hear....from the sexy/bed talk. Plus I sneak compliments in normal banter, if I fit it in the conversation just right I can make him spit tea or choke on his dinner. That's kinda fun. He smiles REAL big if I compare it to a baseball bat, or when I yawn I sometimes say I am just stretching my jaw and getting ready, or I can just call him Conan. HE is very visual, AND verbal....and I'm still learning on both of those.... but I know that's what he wants.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

SadSamIAm said:


> Guys would want to hear things like:
> 
> I love it
> I think about it sometimes when you aren't around
> ...


Interestingly, I have a great sex life with my SO, but I'm not sure it would occur to me to separate his penis from the whole of him as a person in the way that the above would indicate. If he asked me to compliment his penis, I would likely say I love it. But I think about _him_, and about _sex with him_, when he's not around - not about his penis specifically. I love how connected _sex with him _makes me feel - but I don't think about his penis, as separate from him, in that way.


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

Rowan said:


> Interestingly, I have a great sex life with my SO, but I'm not sure it would occur to me to separate his penis from the whole of him as a person in the way that the above would indicate. If he asked me to compliment his penis, I would likely say I love it. But I think about _him_, and about _sex with him_, when he's not around - not about his penis specifically. I love how connected _sex with him _makes me feel - but I don't think about his penis, as separate from him, in that way.


I guess I think of the question as deeper than just his penis. I don't think he was looking for specific comments about the texture, taste, color, size, etc. 

He was looking for a compliment. Hoping he made it kind of 'tongue in cheek' being playful.


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

Rowan said:


> Interestingly, I have a great sex life with my SO, but I'm not sure it would occur to me to separate his penis from the whole of him as a person in the way that the above would indicate. If he asked me to compliment his penis, I would likely say I love it. But I think about _him_, and about _sex with him_, when he's not around - not about his penis specifically. I love how connected _sex with him _makes me feel - but I don't think about his penis, as separate from him, in that way.


I really do agree with this....but I say the other things because I know that is what he wants to hear, and to me its just sexy talk. I compliment his big, warm, strong hands and how they feel on my body...or his long sexy legs, etc.... why not the penis too? (Altho I did have to train myself to do this, easier with time.)


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

SadSamIAm said:


> I guess I think of the question as deeper than just his penis. I don't think he was looking for specific comments about the texture, taste, color, size, etc.
> 
> He was looking for a compliment. Hoping he made it kind of 'tongue in cheek' being playful.


I thought he was looking for specifics of how it looks based on what he said: "So how many women feel somewhat the same way? Aside from size extremes, or preferences, *do some of you feel that they do all look the same*, or you otherwise don't even notice?"

Talking about how it feels, etc. is one thing, but talking specifics about how it looks is just odd. As another poster said, I would never ask a man what he thinks about the appearance of my lady parts lol!


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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

alexm said:


> So how many women feel somewhat the same way? Aside from size extremes, or preferences, do some of you feel that they do all look the same, or you otherwise don't even notice?


I used to notice lol. I made that mistake. Once. Never again. I once told a former BF, w/out being prompted, that I loved how his P curved to the left ever so slightly because it really hit the sweet spot for me.

He looked at me like I had grown two heads. "Whaddya mean, my P curves?!"

Yeah. That went over like a lead balloon. I felt absolutely horrible after that. I thought it was an honest to god compliment and I meant every word of it. 

That said, I don't find Ps attractive in general. No offense, but I think they look kind of goofy.


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

This poem by Pam Patchet is perfect for this thread.

*Ode to a Penis*

I think that I shall never see,
a penis lovely as a tree.

Though both can be described at length,
it’s best you don’t.
Please show some strength.

For ample members are best left
(even when one’s hands are deft)

untouched by writers’ florid prose,
whether roused,
or in repose.

So drop the little one-eyed snake,
of other things you should partake.

Admittedly, they do enthrall,
but after one, you’ve seen ‘em all.:laugh:


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

lucy999 said:


> I used to notice lol. I made that mistake. Once. Never again. I once told a former BF, w/out being prompted, that I loved how his P curved to the left ever so slightly because it really hit the sweet spot for me.
> 
> He looked at me like I had grown two heads. "Whaddya mean, my P curves?!"
> 
> ...


Mine curves to the left as well. Wonder if it is common.

Strange he wasn't aware his curved. Most guys are pretty familiar with their junk.


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## Tango in Triple Time (Jul 14, 2015)

If I were asked that question, my reply would be .... 

I love it when grows in my hand
When it's inside me and fills me up
I love it when it explodes inside me

How hard can it be to find something positive to say about your man's penis?


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

Tango in Triple Time said:


> If I were asked that question, my reply would be ....
> 
> I love it when grows in my hand
> When it's inside me and fills me up
> ...


I'ts not hard (ha), but none of those things are about how it LOOKS, which was IMO, the gist of the original post/question. (Aside from perhaps the first one).


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

SecondTime'Round said:


> I'ts not hard (ha), but none of those things are about how it LOOKS, which was IMO, the gist of the original post/question. (Aside from perhaps the first one).


He asked her "What do you like about it?"


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

alexm said:


> I do actually think that she doesn't pay attention to what it looks like, nor does she care, which is fine. But I think I was hoping she'd take the opportunity to say something nice to me, but it went right over her head (as it usually does). *I mean, I can imagine many of you ladies would find it odd if your man never once said something positive about your breasts - breast man or not. Even if you knew they couldn't care less about your boobs one way or the other, you'd be like "Dude! come ON!"*


You may be surprised. A lot of men don't compliment. And particularly, men who aren't boob men will basically never have a word to say about a girlfriend or wife's breasts.

Even some who are boob men just aren't into verbal compliments.

I had a gf tell me once that she did the equivalent to her boyfriend that you did to your wife....she asked him to tell her what he liked about her boobs. He ended up hurting her feelings because he actually revealed that he thought they were kind of mushy and saggy. (For the record, they were FABULOUS breasts...he just wasn't a boob man so he literally had no clue what to do with a big handful of luscious boob...when she asked him, he felt embarassed and cornered and reacted with his insult. She dumped him and her next boyfriend was very much a boob man AND a complimenter and told her all the time how fab her boobs are).

Some people can't seem to translate their feelings into complimentary words, even if they do think them.

Clearly in your wife's case though, she has no thoughts about your penis, or at least not in the way you were hoping to hear.

I've had some friends describe a bf or husband's wang in great detail to me, to where it is clear that they are very much paying attention and can be very descriptive and complimentary about it. Other friends probably couldn't pick out their man's junk from a line up. They just aren't that into peens and do think they are all pretty much the same.

Women are different. Men are different.

I do think it is a mistake for you to assume that most men are verbally complimentary all the time.

Take Anon Pink. She says her husband never complimented her until she started threatening to leave him...and even then, she basically has to feed him the right words to say. I think there's just some people who see no need for and feel no desire to give verbal compliments. It's a mistake to think men do and women don't, though.


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## Healer (Jun 5, 2013)

The woman I was dating before this current one told me "I hope you don't mind, but I have a nickname for your penis, and I tell all my friends. I refer to it as the 'Fire Hose'". I took that as a compliment. 

It really depends on the woman and what she's comfortable with, what her personality is. I've had women tell me I'm huge, that I have a "beautiful c*ck"...and some that have never mentioned it at all.

If I can make them cum, that's compliment enough for me.

And yes, penises are kinda goofy looking, especially when flaccid. They're more utilitarian than cosmetic, I think.


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

Rowan said:


> I guess I'm also a little baffled as to what, exactly, you wanted her to say about your package? I'm quite serious. Were you hoping to hear "nice shave" or "it's so big" or "what a handsome fella" or something else? Perhaps asking her if she thought X or Y about it might have been a better lead in. I can quite easily see how she might not otherwise know exactly what you'd like her to say.
> 
> By the way, "what do you think of my penis?" is one of those questions like "what do you think of this dress?" that set off all the internal alarms of the person being asked. You suddenly look around and realize you're in the dead center of a minefield with no recollection of how you got there, and no obvious means of escape. Anything you say can be taken the wrong way, and likely will be. Unless you already know the exact answer the asker wants to hear, you're likely to get it "wrong".
> 
> And they say men don't sh!t test........


I think it was rather well described earlier in the thread, so I won't repeat it.

Yes, it was a sht test of sorts, no doubt about it. But when you never hear anything complimentary about something such as your body, you can't help but think it's not good enough/ideal, etc. I know my wife, and her lack of verbal compliments when it comes to this, but the little guy in the back of my head still goes there.

Yes - it feels good; it's so hard; it's fun to play with, etc. are all things we want to hear. All men.

I am OKAY with not hearing those things, I truly am. I am also OKAY with not getting standalone BJ's. Do I want either of those? Of course I do! But I respect that my wife is the way she is.

The kicker is that I got "they're all the same" in response. I gather that some women DO view them as all the same - I get it. But hearing that from an SO isn't ideal, is it? It doesn't stand out, it's the same as all the others, there's nothing special about it. 

Even me, who is not a boob man, recognizes the importance of being complimentary towards my wife's boobs every now and again. They ARE nice to begin with, but I'm not sure how complimentary I could be if they weren't. I'm sure I'd be able to find something nice to say, and be sure I said it, but I certainly wouldn't say "they're all the same honey!"

And straight up - I like my junk. I don't think it's god's gift, or this or that, but honestly, I think it's nice. Just how some women think their boobs are great, regardless of size or shape. THEY think they're a physical asset and are proud of them. They may show them off, they may not, but they sure would wonder why their husband never says anything about them!


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

I've been married twice and have had a few relationships in my 67 years and never once have I ever asked any women to sit down and discuss my dik. I guess it's because it's the only one I have and if you don't like it then move on and I'll find some lady that will. I don't know. Maybe I'm just getting old but when your born with the one you got you make the best of it and can't worry about if it's too small or to chubby whatever. As long as it works and you use it right what difference does it make? If she has a complaint about it she'll tell you and if not then your cool.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

alexm said:


> I think it was rather well described earlier in the thread, so I won't repeat it.
> 
> Yes, it was a sht test of sorts, no doubt about it. But when you never hear anything complimentary about something such as your body, you can't help but think it's not good enough/ideal, etc. I know my wife, and her lack of verbal compliments when it comes to this, but the little guy in the back of my head still goes there.
> 
> ...


Which is why I asked what sort of answer you were looking for. It wasn't clear to me that you wanted a compliment based on her fondness for it. Your initial post seemed to indicate that your conversation with your wife pretty much revolved around you fishing for a compliment based on how it looked. It's entirely possible, that your wife also though you were asking for a compliment on how it looks. Some of the responses you quoted from her in your OP seem to indicate that. The whole scenario you described sounds to me like what you mostly did was manage to confuse the hell out of her by obviously fishing while being coy about what you were really fishing for. She gave you a deer in the headlights response rather than what you really wanted. Try being more clear about what you actually want from her, which seems to be compliments on your sexual performance or her satisfaction with your sex life, and guiding her to give you those compliments.


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

Rowan said:


> Which is why I asked what sort of answer you were looking for. It wasn't clear to me that you wanted a compliment based on her fondness for it. Your initial post seemed to indicate that your conversation with your wife pretty much revolved around you fishing for a compliment based on how it looked. It's entirely possible, that your wife also though you were asking for a compliment on how it looks. Some of the responses you quoted from her in your OP seem to indicate that. The whole scenario you described sounds to me like what you mostly did was manage to confuse the hell out of her by obviously fishing while being coy about what you were really fishing for. She gave you a deer in the headlights response rather than what you really wanted. Try being more clear about what you actually want from her, which seems to be compliments on your sexual performance or her satisfaction with your sex life, and guiding her to give you those compliments.


Agreed. If you'd be satisfied with her describing how much she likes the way it FEELS, or how much she loves your response when you touch her, etc., tell her that. Asking for a compliment about how it looks may never get you anywhere. There's a reason why women's bodies are objectified and not men's.....the female body is simply more attractive, sexually speaking, and thus more prone to receive compliments about it. I know I do not speak for all women, but I believe a large majority aren't turned on simply by the sight of man parts.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

I doubt it is a majority of women who aren't turned on by the sight of peens. True some are and some aren't but plenty of women are. I'm sure it's about equal between those who are and those who aren't and those who are sometimes depending on the peen.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

Alex--I'm probably coming out of left field here. But is it possible that fishing for a compliment on your tackle (fishing joke--get it?) was possibly a ham-handed way of getting her to express some "hunger" for you that you might not feel otherwise? Penises ain't pretty--and few will argue otherwise.

You've expressed before that the sex that you have is great, but your wife often has a take it or leave it attitude. Maybe you just want her to verbally express a "take it" attitude? Quality sex is great, but being wanted is sometimes greater.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Fozzy said:


> Penises ain't pretty--and few will argue otherwise.


I'm sorry some of you feel this way. I would certainly argue otherwise, and so would many of my friends. Both men and women.

The human body is beautiful. Including peens.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

Blech.


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## thefam (Sep 9, 2014)

If my husband were to ask me a question like this I would immediately think we are about to have a pillow talk/ sexy talk/dirty talk session. So I would immediately go into that mode. Which certainly wouldn't include responses such as "they're all the same" or even "what do you mean?" no offense to your wife Alexm, maybe that's not how you roll but I would take it and run with it "I love your big hard coch and how it looks when you" etc. Etc. It would be extra hot if he asked me while we're in the grocery store picking out cucumbers or something. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## life_huppens (Jun 3, 2015)

alexm said:


> This is going to sound stupider than it is. Please don't pile on me. I know I asked for it, lol!
> 
> So my wife is one of those people who just doesn't compliment the physical aspect of me (or anybody else, for that matter), especially in a sexual way. I'm used to it, and it's her, not me. I don't fish for physical compliments, ever. I do point out occasionally that it'd be nice to hear something along those lines every now and again, simply because everybody needs to know if their spouse finds them attractive or not.
> 
> ...


When I ask my wife the same question, she told me that she loves it. And in her mind it is custom made for her. To be honest, I do not believe her 100%, After all, this is a loaded question. It is in a same line as she would ask you if she is your best sex partner. What would you say, "hmm, not really, my previous girlfriend was better"? I do not think if two of you in love, you will hear honest answer. Then again, I could be mistaken.
On another hand, perhaps your wife is brutally honest and this is how she feels. I see nothing wrong.


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

Rowan said:


> Which is why I asked what sort of answer you were looking for. It wasn't clear to me that you wanted a compliment based on her fondness for it. Your initial post seemed to indicate that your conversation with your wife pretty much revolved around you fishing for a compliment based on how it looked. It's entirely possible, that your wife also though you were asking for a compliment on how it looks. Some of the responses you quoted from her in your OP seem to indicate that. The whole scenario you described sounds to me like what you mostly did was manage to confuse the hell out of her by obviously fishing while being coy about what you were really fishing for. She gave you a deer in the headlights response rather than what you really wanted. Try being more clear about what you actually want from her, which seems to be compliments on your sexual performance or her satisfaction with your sex life, and guiding her to give you those compliments.


Just something positive, to make me feel good - physically and sexually - about myself.

She does a great job of making me feel like a good husband, partner, step-father, etc.

Fozzy kinda has it bang-on. Just getting her to think about me in that way, maybe. Not necessarily at that exact moment.

Short of being blunt and saying "please talk dirty to me", it's kind of a seed planting thing, I guess?

That, and like I said above, if you have something about yourself that you like (and the number of these things vary from person to person, from "nothing" to "everything") you like hearing it from your SO. Now, my junk isn't the only thing I like about myself, physically, but it IS one that I have never ever heard any positive talk about in any way whatsoever from my wife.

I dunno, let's not get too hung up on the "he's talking about his junk!" aspect of it. It could be my hair, or my eyes, or my hands. I think I have very nice legs (I've been told so by women since I was a teen, and still am), and she's never said anything about them, either. And yes, my junk has constantly been complimented, too. Go figure. Just not by my wife!

Ladies, I gave the example of your boobs, above. But again, it could be anything. Even something as simple as an article of clothing that you think you look super hot in. Every time you wear it, you get compliments (or stares!), yet your husband hasn't seemed to notice at all. "Looks like your other pair of jeans" or "You look the same in that shirt as anybody else would".

Stuff like what I'm talking about is the male equivalent of this. We need to hear compliments on our masculinity, or physicality, and yes, our junk. Not constant, not daily, just every now and again to let us know we stand apart from everybody else.

I was literally told that my junk is like everybody else's.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

It is so round. So firm. So full packed.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

alexm said:


> Ladies, I gave the example of your boobs, above. But again, it could be anything. Even something as simple as an article of clothing that you think you look super hot in. Every time you wear it, you get compliments (or stares!), yet your husband hasn't seemed to notice at all. "Looks like your other pair of jeans" or "You look the same in that shirt as anybody else would".
> 
> Stuff like what I'm talking about is the male equivalent of this. We need to hear compliments on our masculinity, or physicality, and yes, our junk. Not constant, not daily, just every now and again to let us know we stand apart from everybody else.
> 
> I was literally told that my junk is like everybody else's.


Alex, again....you must be overestimating the compliments others give and assuming it happens with every man. It doesn't. Some men don't give compliments, even if they do have the feelings behind them. I had one guy tell me straight up that he "didn't like giving compliments". I didn't bother to explore why, I just moved on, since I want to hear them and am happy to give them...so it was clear we are not a match.

So I wish you could just see this as something in your wife that isn't to your liking, but not see it as something men do and women don't do.

However, as to your message that men want those compliments, I agree some men do and IF HE DOES he needs to be straight forward and TELL HER that he wants them. This is what my husband did, and I have never let a day pass without a compliment from me to him since.

He did not do it in a whiny or passive way. He did not expect me to read his mind. He told me directly what he wanted to hear about and of course, he wanted it to be sincere (if it was not sincere, I would have said "sorry, we can't be together then because I don't feel that way).

I believe Anon Pink had to do something similar when she finally realized that her H wasn't going to give compliments at all, ever, unless she demanded it.

So....your wife is not going to do this without a demand.

A lot of women are in the same boat, including Anon Pink.

It isn't a gender thing.


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## thefam (Sep 9, 2014)

Faithful Wife said:


> Alex, again....you must be overestimating the compliments others give and assuming it happens with every man. It doesn't. Some men don't give compliments, even if they do have the feelings behind them. I had one guy tell me straight up that he "didn't like giving compliments". I didn't bother to explore why, I just moved on, since I want to hear them and am happy to give them...so it was clear we are not a match.
> 
> So I wish you could just see this as something in your wife that isn't to your liking, but not see it as something men do and women don't do.
> 
> ...


Agree. Mainly because I had no experience being physical with a man my H often said what he wanted me to do and how. Some of it was embarrassing to have to be told (like telling me "when we're having sex move those hips around like you're salsa dancing"). But except for my face turning red you would have never known I was embarrassed. Some things I did and said because he did them to me and it felt good so I did them back to him or responded saying something similar to him. 

Later I became more comfortable with saying what I wanted and doing what I wanted. I don't think there should be any holding back on what you say to your spouse to express your pleasure with them whether it is physical or emotional. To me it really does strengthen that love connection.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

Faithful Wife said:


> Alex, again....you must be overestimating the compliments others give and assuming it happens with every man. It doesn't. Some men don't give compliments, even if they do have the feelings behind them. I had one guy tell me straight up that he "didn't like giving compliments". I didn't bother to explore why, I just moved on, since I want to hear them and am happy to give them...so it was clear we are not a match.
> 
> So I wish you could just see this as something in your wife that isn't to your liking, but not see it as something men do and women don't do.
> 
> ...


I don't need a lot of compliments, thank God, since I rarely get them. I don't think it would be as easy for everyone to accept a compliment as genuine if you have to tell them to compliment you. 

Perhaps if you genuinely feel you deserve the compliment it would be easier? Versus fishing for a compliment to help allay your own insecurity?

Or maybe it's just a matter of how much you trust your spouse to be honest with you about those things.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Fozzy said:


> I don't need a lot of compliments, thank God, since I rarely get them. I don't think it would be as easy for everyone to accept a compliment as genuine if you have to tell them to compliment you.
> 
> *Perhaps if you genuinely feel you deserve the compliment it would be easier?* Versus fishing for a compliment to help allay your own insecurity?
> 
> Or maybe it's just a matter of how much you trust your spouse to be honest with you about those things.


My H knows he deserves compliments.

I know I deserve them, too.

I do know some people who can't or won't accept compliments, for a variety of reasons (none of those reasons are that they don't deserve them, but the people themselves may not feel like they do...usually it is a love languages issue combined with upbringing that causes someone to avoid giving or receiving compliments, IMO).

But in a relationship there's also a compatibility issue. If one needs and wants to give and receive compliments and the other doesn't, there's a mismatch there which will likely not be resolved.

Unless the reason the one who doesn't want to give/get compliments is something that can be worked though and gotten over. Though I don't think we all need to be the same, either so sometimes this is just not worth it.

Plenty of people are fine without compliments even though they are not insecure.


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## MountainRunner (Dec 30, 2014)

Faithful Wife said:


> I had a gf tell me once that she did the equivalent to her boyfriend that you did to your wife....she asked him to tell her what he liked about her boobs. He ended up hurting her feelings because he actually revealed that he thought they were kind of mushy and saggy. (For the record, they were FABULOUS breasts...he just wasn't a boob man so he literally had no clue what to do with a big handful of luscious boob...when she asked him, he felt embarassed and cornered and reacted with his insult.


Wow...He really didn't have a clue, did he? I'm not a "boob man" either and my wife is stacked, but that never stops me from complimenting her. In fact, just this morning we were in the kitchen (her taking her BHRT and me preparing her coffee) as I passed her she was leaning over the island and her robe was open...I just had to stop and kiss'em for a bit and told her "Sorry baby, couldn't help it...They just looked so damn yummy." >


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## scatty (Mar 15, 2013)

It sounds like she is just not a very visual person. One who is not overly concerned about appearances. I am the same way. If my hubby asked what I thought about his shlong, I would most likely say something stupid, such as "It gets the job done, doesn't it?"


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## SillySeamstress (Jul 21, 2015)

I have to say, if my husband asked me this, I would probably freeze up. I mean, I do like it. A lot. But what do I like about it? I've never thought about the specifics like the color or texture or anything. It's more that I like what he does with it. Women pay more attention to the muscular parts of a man's body. He's got great biceps and a nice ass... I think it was the phrasing of your question that made the situation awkward. Thus her reply, "They all look the same." I think that was just a little quip because she was feeling awkward.


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

SillySeamstress said:


> I have to say, if my husband asked me this, I would probably freeze up. I mean, I do like it. A lot. But what do I like about it? I've never thought about the specifics like the color or texture or anything. It's more that I like what he does with it. Women pay more attention to the muscular parts of a man's body. He's got great biceps and a nice ass... I think it was the phrasing of your question that made the situation awkward. Thus her reply, "They all look the same." I think that was just a little quip because she was feeling awkward.


You're right. To be fair, I didn't really put her on the spot (at least I didn't think so!). The whole conversation wasn't as awkward as I've made it sound.

I am definitely a visual person, so it's not fair to project that on other people, including my wife. I just notice things, I guess.

The next time you see your husbands tool, take a good look at it, and figure out something you like about it, or something that's unique that you could mention as a positive.

I admit, it's a funny subject to most - yes, penises and vaginas are not terribly visually appealing at first glance, and they can often go by the wayside in terms of simply being viewed as a tool. But if you take the time to really get to know them, especially those that belong to the person you love, you can start to see the beauty in them.


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