# Facing an uphill battle with very real possibility of wife's suicide



## Neither here nor there (Jan 22, 2014)

I could write a book on the type of hell I have been through the past 6 or 7 years. The things I deal with in regards to my wife's behavior: alcoholism, episodes of rage and hate, physical and verbal abuse, infidelity, suicide attempts (self strangling, hanging, pills, etc), constantly being criticized, constantly being blamed for everything… all of these things cause great instability and sadness in one's life. 

Sure there are good days that give you hope but overall the ability for her to turn on a dime, at the slightest trigger, makes life a constant pressure cooker. The degree to which I have to understand her triggers and walk on egg shells is mind boggling and, of course, I have no control over things that others might do or say to her. 

I am seeking all of the medical help I can but I am now to the point where I am unsure if she is truly treatable. On bad days, she tells me she just can't take the pain of living anymore and feels her only respite is to take her own life. It seems to be getting worse not better. It is like watching someone with a physical ailment like cancer slowly die in front of you. It is heart wrenching to say the least.

The funny thing is I can deal with all the criticisms, insults, guilt and anger she throws my way. I am so used to it that I have become numb to it. It gets harder when she decides to take it out on my physically but the discipline I have learned when being hit, punched, scratched or kicked without reciprocating even surprises me. But the constant threat and attempts at suicide are nearly impossible to deal with. I am starting to just accept that the inevitable will mostly likely happen. 

It's a nasty, heartbreaking, insufferable place to be. I am almost to the point of relenting just because I can't stand to see her like this as she definitely is experiencing a lot pain. I am spent and just don't know what else to do.


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## Threetimesalady (Dec 22, 2010)

How old is she?...How old are you?....When did this start?...Do you have children?...


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Taking responsibility for someone else's life is a no-win situation, since you have no control over it. Have you looked into counseling for yourself?

C
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## Uptown (Mar 27, 2010)

Neither here nor there said:


> I could write a book on the type of hell I have been through the past 6 or 7 years. The things I deal with in regards to my wife's behavior: alcoholism, episodes of rage and hate, physical and verbal abuse, infidelity, suicide attempts (self strangling, hanging, pills, etc), constantly being criticized, constantly being blamed for everything.


NHNT, the behaviors you describe are some of the classic traits of BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder). I therefore suggest you take a look at my list of red flags at 18 BPD Warning Signs. If most of those signs sound very familiar, I would suggest you also read my more detailed description of them at my post in Maybe's Thread.

I caution that, if your W really does exhibit a strong pattern of BPD traits, you would have started seeing them about six months into your relationship -- or immediately after you were married. When the traits are strong, they do not lie hidden for years and then suddenly appear. I therefore am interested in reading your response to *3Times'* questions about your W's age and how far you were into the relationship when these dysfunctional traits appeared seven years ago.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Need a timeline and more details but please get your finances together and prepare for the sh!tstorm.
You can only control with what you will put up with.


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

I'm sure there are many who will disagree with me... but start treating her like a child who does not understand their own emotions. Basically, explain how and why her behavior is unacceptable, and come up with some form of consequence for her abusive behavior. Your wife is insecure and is lashing out because of her insecurities. She doesn't love herself at all, so any time you try to tell her that you love her it feels like a lie. I'm willing to bet that she carries around a lot of guilt for her own actions. So give her consequences. Make it the new normal. The message you want to say is that you won't put up with her negative behavior, but you aren't going to leave her either. That despite her difficulties, she is worth loving, and you expect her to act as a person who is worth loving.
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