# fiance getting text msgs and emails from old BF



## used one (Oct 21, 2011)

To me this sounds like cheating but want to know what others here think.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Getting, no,replying not good, replying intimately would be cheating.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## HerToo (Oct 3, 2011)

Agree with Shaggy. Ask to see the text and email contents. If he's defensive, bad news.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Shaggy said:


> Getting, no,replying not good, replying intimately would be cheating.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Agreed.

She really needs to be in no contact with this guy now. Is he on her facebook account. Do they exchange emails and phone calls.

Perhaps your question is that since you see she is receiving texts should that alert you. Yes it should. Look further. Someone is at the gates and wanting to get back in.

Ex lovers are forever a threat even if they had a bad breakup.


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## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

used one said:


> To me this sounds like cheating but want to know what others here think.


If she communicates with him in any way that would be cheating. Once someone has a romantic relationship with a person, that forever puts that person in a different category of people to that someone. As an old BF and thus former lover, she can never put that person in the category of just one of her friends. Thus unless he is an ex with common children, it is inappropriate for her to remain in contact with him.

She must send him a NC email right now and never communicate with him again. If she refused, at least you found out before you got married and had kids with her.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

TRy said:


> If she communicates with him in any way that would be cheating. Once someone has a romantic relationship with a person, that forever puts that person in a different category of people to that someone. As an old BF and thus former lover, she can never put that person in the category of just one of her friends. Thus unless he is an ex with common children, it is inappropriate for her to remain in contact with him.
> 
> She must send him a NC email right now and never communicate with him again. If she refused, at least you found out before you got married and had kids with her.


This is why I think a spouse should know before the marriage who those people are. Saying it is not their business is wrong. It matters. This is one example of why one needs to know.


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## used one (Oct 21, 2011)

she sent a pic of herself to one old flame wearing a dress that she had just bought after she sent it to me. I saw it in an email. She also has been chatting online with another guy she has known for yrs that "helped" her when she was going thru a divorce. She was active on alot of dating sites b4 we met and has dozens of names addresses and ph numbers of people she dated. A few while she was married i discovered. she isnt aware that i know of all this. Many of these guys live in other states. Some closer. We dont live close to each other


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## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

used one said:


> she sent a pic of herself to one old flame wearing a dress that she had just bought after she sent it to me. I saw it in an email. She also has been chatting online with another guy she has known for yrs that "helped" her when she was going thru a divorce. She was active on alot of dating sites b4 we met and has dozens of names addresses and ph numbers of people she dated. A few while she was married i discovered. she isnt aware that i know of all this. Many of these guys live in other states. Some closer. We dont live close to each other


I think that you already know there is something wrong here. You wrote to us just for a sanity check. 

As wonderful of a person that she is, if you believe that you cannot trust her, do not marry her. As painful as it is now, it will only be more painful later. I am not saying not to marry her. I am saying go with your gut on this.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

used one said:


> she sent a pic of herself to one old flame wearing a dress that she had just bought after she sent it to me. I saw it in an email. She also has been chatting online with another guy she has known for yrs that "helped" her when she was going thru a divorce. She was active on alot of dating sites b4 we met and has dozens of names addresses and ph numbers of people she dated. A few while she was married i discovered. she isnt aware that i know of all this. Many of these guys live in other states. Some closer. We dont live close to each other


These would be red flags for me. If she was young and naive that is one thing. But she is divorced and was on dating sites when married!? Sigh.

Ok, so if you are going to go forward with her I suggest before you marry you do His Needs Her Needs with her and discuss, define and agree to boundaries. Those boundaries really should not begin the day of the wedding. They need to begin now.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Ok, yeah this isn't ok. She's stringing along males who have either dated or expressed and interest in her. She engaged, that means it's time to start dropping contact with these " friends" cause they aren't friends they are suitors.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## used one (Oct 21, 2011)

some of these guys were, and are married. is it wrong that i put a key counter on my computer and can now some of her passwords?


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

I believe in doing what you need to in order to know the truth, however others will disagree.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

used one said:


> some of these guys were, and are married. is it wrong that i put a key counter on my computer and can now some of her passwords?



There is no privacy in a real marriage. Two people become one.
Engagement is simply a trial prelude to the real thing.

After engagement what can you think of that should legitmately be private. I can't think of anything of a slightly serious nature.


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