# She Orgasms but does not like sex?



## frustated (Jun 24, 2011)

Ladies help me understand, the wife orgasms 99% of the time (G-Spot) when we have sex, as infrequently as that is. So the question is why does she hate it so much? Even if she just hates me I would have no problem with her being selfish and just use me like many men do to women. Actually she kind of does, if you consider the fact that she finishes fairly quickly tells me to hurry up and finish and then gets up goes to the bathroom, comes back with the PJs on and rolls over and goes to sleep.

The main complaint from most women is that there spouses are unable or unwilling to get them to orgasm so what am I missing.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Sex and intimacy isn't about selfishly achieving one's own orgasms. It's about feeding your partner's needs. Her response identifies her as a selfish, self-centered. probably hateful bat who either does not care what you need at all or she cruelly make sure you know she's having sex against her will, basically using what should be her beautiful gift to you as a weapon to beat you over the head and make you feel worthless.


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

unbelievable said:


> Sex and intimacy isn't about selfishly achieving one's own orgasms. It's about feeding your partner's needs. Her response identifies her as a selfish, self-centered. probably hateful bat who either does not care what you need at all or she cruelly make sure you know she's having sex against her will, basically using what should be her beautiful gift to you as a weapon to beat you over the head and make you feel worthless.


Umm... wow. Seems a little harsh considering we don't know his wife or situation. And, well, it's not nice to call anybody a hateful bat even if they did happen to be one. :scratchhead:

@OP - frustated

So, do you know if sex to your wife is not just about a physical, but an emotional need as well? If so, it sounds like the emotional side of her needs are not being fulfilled and she is very grudgingly having sex with you.

Yah, I know for a lot of men the whole act of sex including achieving an orgasm can mean everything - achieving both their desired physical need and their emotional need to bond with their wife. For many women, this just isn't so. What is going on in your relationship with your wife outside of the bedroom?


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## WhereAmI (Nov 3, 2010)

I used to never want sex even though my H could bring me to orgasm nearly every time. I thought I had some sort of hormonal balance or that I was being a selfish wife. The truth is, my needs were not being met. When he did something that would hurt my feelings I'd talk to him about it. He would convince me that I was crazy so I started excusing nearly all of his inappropriate behaviors and actually convinced myself that I was happy. I wanted so badly to be happy that I began to believe that I was. My body was telling me otherwise. If you would have told me this at the time I would have thought you were crazy. 

It's possible she's in a similar place. Maybe check out His Needs Her Needs?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## magnoliagal (Mar 30, 2011)

I've only recently learned that sex is more to many people than just an orgasm. Miss that part and your sex life will reflect that. My husband is one of those people. Without the intimacy and connection he isn't all that interested in sex. It then becomes just a "release" and an infrequent one at that.


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## notaname (Feb 4, 2011)

Sounds like you guys have a lot of unresolved issues. She may have lost attraction to you a _long_ time ago. How long has it been since the cheating?

How do you initiate sex? Sounds like you ask and beg which is a major turn off. Stop asking and start initiating the actual experience. If I am asked I will say "no" because I am not turned on. Turn me on and you have a "hell yeah" without even asking.

Next time you have sex try to orgasm before her. I mean, F the daylights out of her in a good way. Try doggie or some other position where you dominate. Try to go deep, fast and hard.

At this point look at it like an experiment to find out what will turn her on. Whatever you are doing is not working so try other things.


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## frustated (Jun 24, 2011)

unbelievable said:


> Sex and intimacy isn't about selfishly achieving one's own orgasms. It's about feeding your partner's needs. Her response identifies her as a selfish, self-centered. probably hateful bat who either does not care what you need at all or she cruelly make sure you know she's having sex against her will, basically using what should be her beautiful gift to you as a weapon to beat you over the head and make you feel worthless.


Oh it is definitely a Duty F%%$ when it happens just don't understand how she could not enjoy the Big O part?


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## frustated (Jun 24, 2011)

notaname said:


> Sounds like you guys have a lot of unresolved issues. She may have lost attraction to you a _long_ time ago. How long has it been since the cheating?
> 
> How do you initiate sex? Sounds like you ask and beg which is a major turn off. Stop asking and start initiating the actual experience. If I am asked I will say "no" because I am not turned on. Turn me on and you have a "hell yeah" without even asking.
> 
> ...


It's been 6 years since i cheated our issues go way further back than that. since i became more beta i have been trying all the goody goody things to initiate hugs kisses phone calls just to here your voice nothing seems to help. She is actually saying that i start tripping every 5 years or so. Yea every 5 years i start asking why i put up with this? The kids of course! My youngest is now 15.


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## frustated (Jun 24, 2011)

Enchantment said:


> Umm... wow. Seems a little harsh considering we don't know his wife or situation. And, well, it's not nice to call anybody a hateful bat even if they did happen to be one. :scratchhead:
> 
> @OP - frustated
> 
> ...


I would say emotional she / we have had a lot of problems her fathers death, brother violent death outer brothers mental health and her bout with Brest Cancer a lot in 20 years.


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## frustated (Jun 24, 2011)

Enchantment said:


> Umm... wow. Seems a little harsh considering we don't know his wife or situation. And, well, it's not nice to call anybody a hateful bat even if they did happen to be one. :scratchhead:
> 
> @OP - frustated
> 
> ...


 Outside the bed room? work, eat, sleep, clean the house cater to the kids, watch TV.


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

frustated said:


> Oh it is definitely a Duty F%%$ when it happens just don't understand how she could not enjoy the Big O part?


She doesn't enjoy it because for her the emotional part is more important than the physical part (the Big O), and you guys are unconnected emotionally. Your last post shows that. I asked what you do for her outside the bedroom, and it was a list of tasks. What do you do to connect with her *emotionally* outside of the bedroom - what do you do to fulfill her needs and desires (not ones necessarily in the bedroom)? Do you know what her needs and desires are?

Go here and start reading:

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5520_qa.html


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

This was a puzzle to me too. My wife didn't want sex often, yet she had an O every time and always seemed to enjoy once things got going.

I had often heard about the "wham bam, thank you mam" guys who had their O but didn't care about their wife. I was never like that.

Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too complicated.


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

southbound said:


> This was a puzzle to me too. My wife didn't want sex often, yet she had an O every time and always seemed to enjoy once things got going.
> 
> I had often heard about the "wham bam, thank you mam" guys who had their O but didn't care about their wife. I was never like that.
> 
> Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too complicated.


Start educating yourself, then. Go the site I indicated to frustated and start reading.

Women are not as complicated as you think - a woman wants to be loved and desired by her man just as much as he wants to be loved and desired by her. But if you take no time to really learn about what the woman you love needs she may indeed seem complicated.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Enchantment said:


> She doesn't enjoy it because for her the emotional part is more important than the physical part (the Big O), and you guys are unconnected emotionally. Your last post shows that. I asked what you do for her outside the bedroom, and it was a list of tasks. What do you do to connect with her *emotionally* outside of the bedroom - what do you do to fulfill her needs and desires (not ones necessarily in the bedroom)? Do you know what her needs and desires are?
> 
> Go here and start reading:
> 
> How to Meet Emotional Needs


I suspect she enjoys it very much. I suspect her greatest enjoyment comes from making him feel bad about the experience. It's a power play, pure and simple, to let him know even if she "submits" she's still holds the power. She'll give a little crumb of her body but will withhold from him the satisfaction of actually feeling wanted.


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

unbelievable said:


> I suspect she enjoys it very much. I suspect her greatest enjoyment comes from making him feel bad about the experience. It's a power play, pure and simple, to let him know even if she "submits" she's still holds the power. She'll give a little crumb of her body but will withhold from him the satisfaction of actually feeling wanted.


@unbelievable ~

Seems a very bleak view. I don't believe that everything is a power play. 

Since I don't really know frustated, mrs. frustated, or their marriage I'll reserve judgment on whether she's doing it for power, or whether he's doing things to control her, and instead give them the benefit of the doubt -maybe she is just unfulfilled in many ways and he should explore that first.


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## notaname (Feb 4, 2011)

You said you have gone very beta. How is your alpha? Also, have you read the "Thermostat" thread that MEM started in the Men's Clubhouse? I think you may be coming across as needy with all your beta.

If you are both unhappy and both unwilling to make any changes then it seems you are set up to live an unhappy life together. Staying for the kids is totally understandable, but it comes with a price.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Enchantment said:


> @unbelievable ~
> 
> Seems a very bleak view. I don't believe that everything is a power play.
> 
> Since I don't really know frustated, mrs. frustated, or their marriage I'll reserve judgment on whether she's doing it for power, or whether he's doing things to control her, and instead give them the benefit of the doubt -maybe she is just unfulfilled in many ways and he should explore that first.


"finishes fairly quickly tells me to hurry up"

I don't need to actually see horns and a tail to recognize Evil when I see it.


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

unbelievable said:


> "finishes fairly quickly tells me to hurry up"
> 
> I don't need to actually see horns and a tail to recognize Evil when I see it.


@ unbelievable ~

You forgot to add :FIREdevil: to your statement. Yes, that would have made it complete. 

I hope that you also believe that the many men who are selfish and finish fairly quickly and are inconsiderate of their wives are also evil, because I would hate to have to chant, "all women are selfish, all women are evil" over and over. 

[P.S. I hope you know that I am just teasing you even though I don't agree with your point.  ]

@ OP - frustated ~ Sorry for the digression in your thread.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

We've got an entire culture built of man-haters. They hardly need my help. I'm starting a new underground railroad to help extricate my brothers from their oppression. We're all going to Costa Rica where we'll have to fight off eager 20 year olds with fire hoses.


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

unbelievable said:


> We've got an entire culture built of man-haters. They hardly need my help. I'm starting a new underground railroad to help extricate my brothers from their oppression. We're all going to Costa Rica where we'll have to fight off eager 20 year olds with fire hoses.


Ha Ha! Good LUCK! When you get to Costa Rica you might find only a bunch of mosquitoes that are willing to bite.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

As a guy an orgasm is only a by product of the sexual initimacy. It is not why I love sex. I can orgasm 100% of the time and not get out of it what I need. I need the intimacy and the connection. For me then the orgasm is that much better if the sex is good. If the connection is good.

Ok so that is me. All I can say is that you have to build the right connection between your self and your wife to have truly satisfying sex. That takes work. And time. When you put in the effort it becomes less work and more just foreplay. Foreplay begins way before the sex. You have to be having sex regularly in my opinion and keep building on the connection. If you are meeting her needs outside of the bedroom she may be more open to the real deal. When you have it right she is the one instigating things. I have always been told that an orgasm is not needed for a women all of the time. Sometimes they do and sometimes they don't. It does not mean it was not good. Sometimes they have multiple orgasms and squirt like crazy and we know it is firing on all cylinders. When the orgasm is not the primnary goal they seem to happen more easily. Then when she orgasms you start to get an actual bond with each other.

A woman can orgasm with a Hatachi Magic Wand and not have a real emoitonal attachment to it. You have to be more than that.
Sex is in the head. 

Married Man Sex Life

Then again maybe women do form and an emotional atachment to the Magic Wand .....

Oh and she may just not be into you.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Enchantment said:


> Ha Ha! Good LUCK! When you get to Costa Rica you might find only a bunch of mosquitoes that are willing to bite.


When the jungle girls are through with me, there won't be enough left for a decent sized mosquito.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

If men could have reliably multiple orgasms, women would need gills.


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## WhiteRabbit (May 11, 2011)

unbelievable said:


> We've got an entire culture built of man-haters. They hardly need my help. I'm starting a new underground railroad to help extricate my brothers from their oppression. We're all going to Costa Rica where we'll have to fight off eager 20 year olds with fire hoses.


reminds me of my father in law...he lives in Costa Rica and loves life.


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## frustated (Jun 24, 2011)

notaname said:


> Sounds like you guys have a lot of unresolved issues. She may have lost attraction to you a _long_ time ago. How long has it been since the cheating?
> 
> How do you initiate sex? Sounds like you ask and beg which is a major turn off. Stop asking and start initiating the actual experience. If I am asked I will say "no" because I am not turned on. Turn me on and you have a "hell yeah" without even asking.
> 
> ...


took your advise along with The Man Up and Nice Guy References and a lot of what i have been reading in The Married Man Sex life Primer 2 and went total ALFA yesterday with some interesting results. Did some manly chores i have been putting off, Lifted weights, did push ups and did not drink 3rd day in a row! After lights out started masturbating next to her and a discussion ensued i advised her that i would rather be with her but did not need her. She said she would not use her hand but would be willing to do normal. I did not answer for a few minutes then told her to take off her PJs and get over here and proceed to follow your advise. When she said the kids will here the bed squeaking I ignored her and pounded away. After I finished I told her I was going to do her again after I had rested and she said "do me Now! The hand she refuses to use earlier went right to work and we continued. Working on bettering the relationship one day at a time. Thank you Talk About Marriage.


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## notaname (Feb 4, 2011)

frustated said:


> took your advise along with The Man Up and Nice Guy References and a lot of what i have been reading in The Married Man Sex life Primer 2 and went total ALFA yesterday with some interesting results. Did some manly chores i have been putting off, Lifted weights, did push ups and did not drink 3rd day in a row! After lights out started masturbating next to her and a discussion ensued i advised her that i would rather be with her but did not need her. She said she would not use her hand but would be willing to do normal. I did not answer for a few minutes then told her to take off her PJs and get over here and proceed to follow your advise. When she said the kids will here the bed squeaking I ignored her and pounded away. After I finished I told her I was going to do her again after I had rested and she said "do me Now! The hand she refuses to use earlier went right to work and we continued. Working on bettering the relationship one day at a time. Thank you Talk About Marriage.


YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!

I am so thrilled! Your post truly brought a big smile to my face today! Go you!!!!!!


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## olwhatsisname (Dec 5, 2012)

women/ females expect men/boys to know all things sexual. we don't learning from you and your experiences is LIFE affirming/orgasm producing. stop keeping you a secret and teach him .


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## john_lord_b3 (Jan 11, 2013)

frustated said:


> took your advise along with The Man Up and Nice Guy References and a lot of what i have been reading in The Married Man Sex life Primer 2 and went total ALFA yesterday with some interesting results. Did some manly chores i have been putting off, Lifted weights, did push ups and did not drink 3rd day in a row! After lights out started masturbating next to her and a discussion ensued i advised her that i would rather be with her but did not need her. She said she would not use her hand but would be willing to do normal. I did not answer for a few minutes then told her to take off her PJs and get over here and proceed to follow your advise. When she said the kids will here the bed squeaking I ignored her and pounded away. After I finished I told her I was going to do her again after I had rested and she said "do me Now! The hand she refuses to use earlier went right to work and we continued. Working on bettering the relationship one day at a time. Thank you Talk About Marriage.


:smthumbup::smthumbup: congratulations/salamat/mazel tov! glad to hear a success story!


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Zombie thread alert...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tim c (Nov 25, 2015)

The truth is sex is used as a weapon. Unbelievable is spot on. Educate yourself? Really? Life is about choices and she chose to enjoy sex to it fullest then she very likely would have her needs outside of sex met. Instead she chops of the hand that feeds her. What comes first the chicken or the egg. Maybe Enchanted should do some research on men and realize that in order for her needs to be met so must his.


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