# Questions about erectile dysfunction...



## LeananSidhe (Feb 6, 2018)

***EDIT*** Nevermind. I now realize that the “problem” is just too much sex. 🙂

I don’t even know how to start this... When does a problem become the big ED? I know it can be normal for a man to occasionally have a bad night but when does it become erectile dysfunction? Frequency? 

Ok.... About once every year or two, my husband would not be able to orgasm and eventually lose his erection. So very infrequently and not a big deal.
Well, now it’s happening more often. It started happening every couple months, then every month, and recently it’s been as often as 2 times a week. It happened on Friday and then again Monday night (on Saturday and Sunday he was fine and had several orgasms). 

He’s blaming too much sex. Should we just try to cut back? We keep things interesting in the bedroom so it’s not boredom. 

He’s 35 years old. He’s not taking any medications. He is obese. I told him eating healthier and exercising more might help. 

I’m worried that things will only get worse from here because now it’s in our heads. Last night he gave me several orgasms manually and orally but nothing for himself because we were both nervous about it. He feels awful when it happens. So do I.


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

Have him see his doctor, then a urologist.

I have ED due to prostatitis, and I am very fit. There is more than one cause. However, combined with his obesity, it could be arterial plaque. 

It is sometimes said that ED is a bellwether for one's cardiovascular health. 

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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

LeananSidhe said:


> I don’t even know how to start this... When does a problem become the big ED? I know it can be normal for a man to occasionally have a bad night but when does it become erectile dysfunction? Frequency?
> 
> Ok.... About once every year or two, my husband would not be able to orgasm and eventually lose his erection. So very infrequently and not a big deal.
> Well, now it’s happening more often. It started happening every couple months, then every month, and recently it’s been as often as 2 times a week. It happened on Friday and then again Monday night (on Saturday and Sunday he was fine and had several orgasms).
> ...


What happens if you slow it a down a bit, say, from 8 times a day to maybe 6?

But to be serious, how often do you guys actually **** on average? I am 38 and I am ok for sex every day mentally, but I think physically, my comfort zone is maybe every two days or so. It depends also if I am always thinking about it or if my wife keeps walking around in her tight leggings and perfect ass around the house or if I am really stressed with work and deadlines. But about 2 days or so is great. If longer, I orgasm quicker.

From what I read from you, it seems you are sexually 'molesting' your husband several times a day! (lucky SOB!!)


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## LeananSidhe (Feb 6, 2018)

farsidejunky said:


> Have him see his doctor, then a urologist.
> 
> I have ED due to prostatitis, and I am very fit. There is more than one cause. However, combined with his obesity, it could be arterial plaque.
> 
> ...


I told him that we’d try cutting back on sex and diet and exercise before talking to a doctor because he’s extremely reluctant to talk to a doctor about it. He will barely talk to me about it. 
I was thinking about having him go in just for a checkup without mentioning the ED but I don’t know if that’s a good idea.


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

farsidejunky said:


> It is sometimes said that ED is a bellwether for one's cardiovascular health.


High blood pressure did it for me. (In an evil twist the med that keeps my BP in check comes with one side effect for me, ED.)



LeananSidhe said:


> I’m worried that things will only get worse from here because now it’s in our heads. Last night he gave me several orgasms manually and orally but nothing for himself because we were both nervous about it. He feels awful when it happens. So do I.


As long as he takes care of you go with it for now. Also, provide him with some encouragement and visuals, he may be able to get himself off.

Does he get morning wood? If so, try jumping him, just hop on and go. See what happens then.


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## LeananSidhe (Feb 6, 2018)

inmyprime said:


> LeananSidhe said:
> 
> 
> > I don’t even know how to start this... When does a problem become the big ED? I know it can be normal for a man to occasionally have a bad night but when does it become erectile dysfunction? Frequency?
> ...


It varies... During the week I’d say once a day or sometimes every other day. For a little while we were doing it every other night but somehow we’d end up doing it twice that night (normally intercourse first and then an hour or so later manually or orally but sometimes vice versa). The weekends are more though. Saturday we had sex 2 times and Sunday we had sex 3 times. By “sex” I mean that we both orgasmed though either intercourse, hand, or mouth. 

So he really could be right that it’s too much. I just wish he’d say that before we started instead of starting and then not finishing. But he says it’s hard because he does *want* it...

Most of the time he’s telling me how hot it is that he can do whatever he wants with me and I’m always willing...but then when he can’t keep up he turns it around and says I want it too much.


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

LeananSidhe said:


> It varies... During the week I’d say once a day or sometimes every other day. For a little while we were doing it every other night but somehow we’d end up doing it twice that night (normally intercourse first and then an hour or so later manually or orally but sometimes vice versa). The weekends are more though. Saturday we had sex 2 times and Sunday we had sex 3 times. By “sex” I mean that we both orgasmed though either intercourse, hand, or mouth.
> 
> So he really could be right that it’s too much. I just wish he’d say that before we started instead of starting and then not finishing. But he says it’s hard because he does *want* it...
> 
> Most of the time he’s telling me how hot it is that he can do whatever he wants with me and I’m always willing...but then when he can’t keep up he turns it around and says I want it too much.



Tell him to ‘manhold’! I don’t mean to withhold in the traditional sense but let him **** you, give you oral, bring a goat  , whatever, but just don’t let him cum.

Poor guy is probably dry as a desert in his balls.

But yeah, also make sure he eats healthy, exercises or whatever. And do regular health check. This stuff is regardless of manholding!

Somebody famous (Caligula?) said that manholding makes a man immortal!


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## LeananSidhe (Feb 6, 2018)

CharlieParker said:


> As long as he takes care of you go with it for now. Also, provide him with some encouragement and visuals, he may be able to get himself off.
> 
> Does he get morning wood? If so, try jumping him, just hop on and go. See what happens then.


I don’t even know about the morning wood. He gets up way too early for me on weekdays. We do have sex a lot on weekend mornings (if the kids are distracted). 

This is really dumb and not helpful at all, but it’s hard for me to do visuals or encouragement after it happens. I just feel so self conscious. Normally I’m 100% all in and dirty talking and everything...but then if he can’t finish I feel so stupid that I get embarrassed by whatever I did. Like if I was dirty talking and he can’t finish, I will want to NEVER talk dirty again. I mean, I always end up getting over it quick but that’s how I feel in the moment. I will try though.


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

LeananSidhe said:


> I don’t even know about the morning wood. He gets up way too early for me on weekdays. We do have sex a lot on weekend mornings (if the kids are distracted).
> 
> This is really dumb and not helpful at all, but it’s hard for me to do visuals or encouragement after it happens. I just feel so self conscious. Normally I’m 100% all in and dirty talking and everything...but then if he can’t finish I feel so stupid that I get embarrassed by whatever I did. Like if I was dirty talking and he can’t finish, I will want to NEVER talk dirty again. I mean, I always end up getting over it quick but that’s how I feel in the moment. I will try though.




Yes, I think the problem is more that you are determined that he NEEDS to finish. Have you asked him if he has a problem if he DOESN’T finish? I mean at the end of the night, it is about his orgasm at this point? (After you presumably finished already several times?)
I don’t want to speak for him but I’m sure he is capable of enjoying himself even if he doesn’t have to finish every single time.

Also: are you sure you are not here to windup all the sexless guys?  (joking). 

It’s a nice problem to have though (from guy’s perspective). But I’m positive that you shouldn’t worry that he’s not enjoying himself even if he doesn’t finish.
There are actually guys who have problems orgasming all the time and only very rarely cum. I dont think your husband is in that territory. At least it doesn’t sound like it.


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## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

SO he can get it up but just can't finish before going limp. How long does he maintain before he gets soft? I think I would start with a serious attack on the obesity. A good diet and workout program (cardio and weights) will give him tons more energy, reduce stress and increase his testosterone production, all key ingredients to a mans sexual stamina.


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## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

As a man, so many different issues pop into my head.
He is okay on the week end but had issues on Monday and Friday - could be work stress related, he just has too much on his mind.
He is obese - could be a physical manifestation of his obesity - get him into the gym and start a good diet. No 38 year old should allow themselves to be obese (heck nobody should allow themselves to get obese)
You have sex every day and had sex five time over the week end - he may just be pumped out or bored. Anything, even sex, can become less enjoyable when it is done too often. Heck I couldn't eat ice cream everyday either (and I love ice cream). Even if you are mixing things up, eventually even that gets hold. 
I would work on these issues before you start him taking some pill that he will then probably have to take the rest of his life.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

The unhealthy combination. Obesity, High blood pressure, diabetes, low testosterone. Each one causes all of the others. Aside from outrageous profiteering, this is the #2 reason they want guys to see a doctor before getting the blue pill. or one of the other pills. Essentially he needs to tell his doc, "I have a symptom that may indicate other health problems related to my weight. I'm having more frequent difficulty maintaining an erection. Right it down on a card and take it to the doc. 

Secondly advice for you. There is this big MYTH out there that the penis never lies. That if it doesn't rise to the occasion it is because he isn't turned on by you. Well it's Bull. Any one thinking for 10 seconds knows that every penis on the planet will lie every time to get what it wants. You can't trust them. Like arousal, ED is very largely between the ears. Stress and performance anxiety are the biggest boner killers out there.

So in summary. Ed is a symptom of serious health problems. I was diagnosed type 2 diabetes at 35. So he needs to talk to the doc. You can help him best by having a positive accepting attitude. If you don't know how to start it, take it as a challenge.


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## LeananSidhe (Feb 6, 2018)

inmyprime said:


> Yes, I think the problem is more that you are determined that he NEEDS to finish. Have you asked him if he has a problem if he DOESN’T finish? I mean at the end of the night, it is about his orgasm at this point? (After you presumably finished already several times?)
> I don’t want to speak for him but I’m sure he is capable of enjoying himself even if he doesn’t have to finish every single time.
> 
> Also: are you sure you are not here to windup all the sexless guys?  (joking).
> ...


I DEFINITELY have a problem with feeling like he needs to finish. I can orgasm 5 times but if he says he can’t...I’m devastated. I feel like I just wasted my time. I feel unattractive. I feel embarrassed. I get angry. 
My very first post here was actually about this issue and I was told not to make such a huge deal out of it. I’ve been doing pretty good since then. I’ll offer up something else if he can’t orgasm during whatever we’re doing. Or I’ll just say it’s not a big deal and cuddle. But I still have all those feelings inside, I’m just pushing them down and pretending to be ok with it. As it’s happening more often though it’s getting harder. I hate that I take it so personally! I am really working to stop. 

He says he still enjoys everything and it feels good. He does get frustrated and upset when he can’t finish though. I think maybe we should try that “manholding” thing more. Not just him pleasing me but maybe intercourse without him finishing sometimes. Like preplanned so we aren’t disappointed. We’ve been having sex for around 17 years and his orgasm has always been the end goal so it’s hard to readjust. 

It’s funny that you should say that about winding up the sexless guys. I have worried about people thinking that. 
Don’t worry, I was that annoyed sexless wife for several years.


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## LeananSidhe (Feb 6, 2018)

Mr. Nail said:


> The unhealthy combination. Obesity, High blood pressure, diabetes, low testosterone. Each one causes all of the others. Aside from outrageous profiteering, this is the #2 reason they want guys to see a doctor before getting the blue pill. or one of the other pills. Essentially he needs to tell his doc, "I have a symptom that may indicate other health problems related to my weight. I'm having more frequent difficulty maintaining an erection. Right it down on a card and take it to the doc.
> 
> Secondly advice for you. There is this big MYTH out there that the penis never lies. That if it doesn't rise to the occasion it is because he isn't turned on by you. Well it's Bull. Any one thinking for 10 seconds knows that every penis on the planet will lie every time to get what it wants. You can't trust them. Like arousal, ED is very largely between the ears. Stress and performance anxiety are the biggest boner killers out there.
> 
> So in summary. Ed is a symptom of serious health problems. I was diagnosed type 2 diabetes at 35. So he needs to talk to the doc. You can help him best by having a positive accepting attitude. If you don't know how to start it, take it as a challenge.


Thank you. I’ll talk to him again about seeing a doctor. His father died last year due to complications from diabetes. I hoped that it would be a wake up call but it seemed to have the opposite effect. 
I was worried that the doctor would push for a pill instead of tests but hopefully they take it seriously. 
One of the problems is that so far he’s been fairly healthy so he doesn’t take his weight seriously. I’ve been trying to explain to him that it will eventually catch up with him and then it might be too late. 

And it really helps to be reminded that it’s not “me”. No matter how hard I try to remind myself that it has nothing to do with me, the first thought that pops into my head when it happens is that there’s something wrong with me.


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

LeananSidhe said:


> I DEFINITELY have a problem with feeling like he needs to finish. I can orgasm 5 times but if he says he can’t...I’m devastated. I feel like I just wasted my time. I feel unattractive. I feel embarrassed. I get angry.
> My very first post here was actually about this issue and I was told not to make such a huge deal out of it. I’ve been doing pretty good since then. I’ll offer up something else if he can’t orgasm during whatever we’re doing. Or I’ll just say it’s not a big deal and cuddle. But I still have all those feelings inside, I’m just pushing them down and pretending to be ok with it. As it’s happening more often though it’s getting harder. I hate that I take it so personally! I am really working to stop.
> 
> He says he still enjoys everything and it feels good. He does get frustrated and upset when he can’t finish though. I think maybe we should try that “manholding” thing more. Not just him pleasing me but maybe intercourse without him finishing sometimes. Like preplanned so we aren’t disappointed. We’ve been having sex for around 17 years and his orgasm has always been the end goal so it’s hard to readjust.
> ...




Wow. Just make sure to tell your husband he drinks plenty of water in between his orgasms otherwise he will dry out...

Well he won’t be able to compete with you for orgasms that’s for sure. I’m not sure any guy can! (I mean it in a complimentary type of way).

Yeah another word or variation of manholding (actually, I completely made that word up, I am not sure it’s actually a thing), is edging, I think.
I did do it for a while with my wife years ago: had sex but not cum, to see what would happen (I probably read about it on the internet). Did not have the self discipline after a couple of tries...But it did make me feel energetic & invigorated so there was definitely something to it.

I notice something strange: that whenever I have orgasm, I’m a bit tired and can easily fall asleep, but after my wife orgasms, it’s like a shot of espresso for her. She stays up or can get up immediately and do things lie vacuum cleaning...It was always a mystery to me why such different reactions.

Anyway, that’s beside the topic. I think you just need to figure out a way not to feel sh1tty if he doesn’t orgasm every time, it doesn’t say anything about his attraction towards you, build it up for him, then the explosion will be that more special. 

Crazy world & first world problems  So much variety with people/couples...


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## LeananSidhe (Feb 6, 2018)

inmyprime said:


> Wow. Just make sure to tell your husband he drinks plenty of water in between his orgasms otherwise he will dry out...
> 
> Well he won’t be able to compete with you for orgasms that’s for sure. I’m not sure any guy can! (I mean it in a complimentary type of way).
> 
> ...


Yeah, the more I talk about it, the more I realize that I’m just being a whiny brat. Lol. “My husband gives my multiple orgasms a night but then he didn’t cum...my life is so awful!” Lol. 

I am the same way. I feel reenergized after sex and/or orgasms. I sometimes have a hard time stopping because of it. 

This actually reminds me of something I’ve always wondered about... How do lesbians know when to stop having sex? I know that sounds like some sort of joke set up but I seriously don’t understand it. Unfortunately I don’t have any lesbian friends that I’m close enough with to ask. I just feel like 2 women could just go and go and go.

*Edit* I googled it. Apparently I’m just dumb.


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

LeananSidhe said:


> Yeah, the more I talk about it, the more I realize that I’m just being a whiny brat. Lol. “My husband gives my multiple orgasms a night but then he didn’t cum...my life is so awful!” Lol.
> 
> I am the same way. I feel reenergized after sex and/or orgasms. I sometimes have a hard time stopping because of it.
> 
> ...




Haha, what do you mean?

I didn’t mean to imply you are a whiny brat...Just that there are probably averages and if your husband doesn’t fall too much outside the bell curve, then you are probably ok.
I’m not sure I would find it easy to cum every day either and I also have certain preferences how to. 

I’m trying to picture in order to understand why this causes you embarrassment though; I mean you must be literally putting on a whole performance show for him with the expectation for him to finish. That might pressure him even more and it’s more difficult to cum under pressure. Can you and him not just focus more on you, to avoid that embarrassment? Use him as a human dildo or whatever; I don’t think anyone ever felt sorry for a vibrator and guys don’t mind being ‘used’ like that.


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## LeananSidhe (Feb 6, 2018)

inmyprime said:


> Haha, what do you mean?
> 
> I didn’t mean to imply you are a whiny brat...Just that there are probably averages and if your husband doesn’t fall too much outside the bell curve, then you are probably ok.
> I’m not sure I would find it easy to cum every day either and I also have certain preferences how to.
> ...


I didn’t think that you were implying that I was whiny. I sometimes build things up in my head when I’m upset but then the more I talk about it, the easier it is to see that it’s not as big of a deal as I originally thought. I can see that I’m doing that with this. 
I still want my husband to get healthier and hopefully help this issue...but it could definitely be worse. 

I don’t really know how to describe it. I don’t think I’m really putting on a big show for him or anything. Our normal sex usually starts off with foreplay that focuses on me, I orgasm a couple times, then foreplay that focuses on him, then intercourse until he orgasms. Then we are usually done but occasionally he’ll get me off once more if I really want it. 
Then we have kinkier stuff a couple times a week. Role play with lots of dirty talk usually. Occasionally rougher stuff if the kids are away. 

Anyway, it’s not all focused on him. But doesn’t the man usually orgasm at the end of sex? Lol. I can’t imagine being like “Well, I’m done. Goodnight.” 
It is dumb because there are plenty of times when we just have a quickie and I don’t orgasm. And I love those times...but it just seems so different for men. I don’t know why.


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## Vinnydee (Jan 4, 2016)

With most, like me who is 67 now, it is a gradual thing. It did not happen over night or over a week or two. No problem as genetic Viagra is available for a much cheaper price than for the name brand version which is the same. ED can be caused by medications and diseases like my Diabetes. There are many things that can cause it. However be aware that sometimes when a guy cannot perform, he gets performance anxiety every time he has sex and of course that prevents an erection. You do not need an erection to ejaculate so if he cannot ejaculate he needs to see his doctor about it.

Best thing for him is to talk to his doctor as I did. Problem solved.


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

LeananSidhe said:


> I didn’t think that you were implying that I was whiny. I sometimes build things up in my head when I’m upset but then the more I talk about it, the easier it is to see that it’s not as big of a deal as I originally thought. I can see that I’m doing that with this.
> I still want my husband to get healthier and hopefully help this issue...but it could definitely be worse.
> 
> I don’t really know how to describe it. I don’t think I’m really putting on a big show for him or anything. Our normal sex usually starts off with foreplay that focuses on me, I orgasm a couple times, then foreplay that focuses on him, then intercourse until he orgasms. Then we are usually done but occasionally he’ll get me off once more if I really want it.
> ...




Ah ok. So you don’t orgasm during actual sex piv? Then maybe try using sex toys during sex so when you cum another few times, this can be it.
I assume the problem is that you really want to get out with a bang/on a high - so make it YOUR high!!
I’m sometimes fine just penetrating, she cums and I’m happy to go to bed without finishing... But she won’t let me, crazy b1tch!!  (whom I love so much 


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## LeananSidhe (Feb 6, 2018)

inmyprime said:


> Ah ok. So you don’t orgasm during actual sex piv? Then maybe try using sex toys during sex so when you cum another few times, this can be it.
> I assume the problem is that you really want to get out with a bang/on a high - so make it YOUR high!!
> I’m sometimes fine just penetrating, she cums and I’m happy to go to bed without finishing... But she won’t let me, crazy b1tch!!  (whom I love so much
> 
> ...


I don’t usually orgasm from intercourse alone. I have before but it’s very, very rare. I can with outside stimulation but I don’t usually want it. I like to just focus on the feeling on PIV because I really enjoy it even though it doesn’t bring me an orgasm...which is funny because I’m hearing the contradiction in that sentence. Haha. 

And yes, his orgasm has always signaled the “grand finale” of sex. I might be able to have several but his is always more impressive. 
I will try ending sex with my orgasm sometimes. It seems like such a foreign idea. It’s funny because I’ve performed oral or handjobs on him without anything for myself probably hundreds of times...but the few times recently that he’s done that for me feel wrong somehow. Like I’m being mean. Sex just seems to revolve more around the man’s wants. I’ll have to work on getting that idea out of my head. 

But this is also on him a little. I feel like he needs to recognize when he’s having a problem and let me know or stop things. Instead he keeps pushing himself like he doesn’t want to admit defeat. He’ll keep changing positions and go back and forth between sex acts until I can tell that he’s having issues and then I stop enjoying things. It’s hard to end things on a high note when I can feel him trying to smush a limp penis inside me. Maybe if he’d just stop and focus on me then we could end things happy even without his orgasm. I’ll talk to him about that. We didn’t do anything last night. *tiny violin playing*


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## wild jade (Jun 21, 2016)

My husband also has ED -- diabetes, enlarged prostate, and a bunch of other issues

He says he feels turned on, just as turned on as normal, and even can be oddly unaware that his penis isn't actually hard. He doesn't like it at all when he doesn't finish. 

I learned not to take it personally, and just get creative. Oral seems to be the most reliable "fix". Sometimes, it's just a matter of variety in speed and pressure. Sometimes he seems to get overstimulated and numb and just needs to take a break. 

While there have been a few occasions when I've given up in exhaustion and defeat, some combination of things almost always works.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

I think it’s fun to play, make out, play some more, have various forms of sex, but then one or both of us don’t finish sometimes. Usually we can’t wait to play again sometime in the next 12 hours and then we attack each other and both finish.

When you’re having a lot of sex, it can drain him of his spunk (literal and mojo wise). So I usually make sure there are plenty of encounters when he doesn’t get off and also that the work for him is kind of light (ex: girl on top and ride fun and slow) so that we can do it again later and not waste his poor body entirely. If I shag him as hard as I could every time, it would lessen his enjoyment (overall) and it would narrow down the number of sexual occurrences. 

Also we both are discouraged from masturbating so as not to leak mojo. We save it up for each other.

I’m really good now at sensing if he is too tired to finish. I never let him insist on finishing if I can sense it just wouldn’t be easy at that moment. For my own reasons and comfort, I won’t let him keep hammering on me if I feel that it is going to be a struggle for him and take forever. That starts to feel too strained for me very quickly, and the moment I detect it, I’ll usually ask him “can we take a break for a sec?” It is common to take breaks to get water, get towels, rearrange positions, check in with each other, etc. So then grab a drink and say “you’re tired tonight, I can tell...maybe try again later?” He might answer “ok yeah, more tired than I thought” or “no I want to continue but let’s change positions/tempo” or “no way baby you’re getting it good, get back in bed”. He won’t say the last one unless after taking a break he knows he will finish strong.

Gotta give these guys a break once you are up in the over 10 times per week category. They have a much harder (heh) job than we do. Physically I could never screw his brains out the way he does mine, and I admire that brute strength. I have to remember that no matter how much of the work I do, I can’t do any of the work when he’s just nailing me to the bed. That’s all him and requires an amount of athleticism.

I’m just sharing to show how it can be fun and sexy when he doesn’t get off. It makes him bigger, better, stronger next time. 

Your h’s weight is certainly an issue. Not sure how to get someone to care about their weight if they don’t. It’s kind of alarming that his father just died from an obesity related illness. I guess if I were you, I’d have to just suck it up and say it as gently as possible, “honey, your weight is affecting your health and our sex life and I’m just going to have to keep mentioning this until you get the message and do something”.


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

*Re: Questions about erectile dysfunction..*



Faithful Wife said:


> it can be fun and sexy when he doesn’t get off.


Quoting way out of context, but I agree. For us 68 has become a thing, and a regular and important thing.


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## FrazzledSadHusband (Jul 3, 2014)

Spend half an hour a night walking a mile. Doesn't have to be fast, just fast enough so talking normally is a little strained due to exertion. Gives both of you time to connect, and in about 2 months he should be able to fly the flag with no problem. That along with generic viagra will make him so hard it will feel like it's gonna pop!


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

inmyprime said:


> Wow. Just make sure to tell your husband he drinks plenty of water in between his orgasms otherwise he will dry out...
> 
> Well he won’t be able to compete with you for orgasms that’s for sure. I’m not sure any guy can! (I mean it in a complimentary type of way).
> 
> ...


Yes, this is more commonly known as edging. It would require the OP to take on the dominant role, sexually. OP, would your husband be ok with that? Would YOU be ok with that?

Honestly, I'm not surprised that he sometimes has trouble finishing, considering how often y'all are going at it. But I do think the obesity is also playing a part, like others said, and it would be in his best interest to see his doc.


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## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

36 and obese!

And ed

Dr time!


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

*Re: Questions about erectile dysfunction..*



CharlieParker said:


> Quoting way out of context, but I agree. For us 68 has become a thing, and a regular and important thing.



What’s 68? Is it when the woman is a bit short and can’t reach all the way to 69? 🤨


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

LeananSidhe said:


> I don’t usually orgasm from intercourse alone. I have before but it’s very, very rare. I can with outside stimulation but I don’t usually want it. I like to just focus on the feeling on PIV because I really enjoy it even though it doesn’t bring me an orgasm...which is funny because I’m hearing the contradiction in that sentence. Haha.


Yes, there is a bit of a double standard  (in a good way).
If a young, inexperienced guy comes onto the forum and reads that the reason women are frustrated is because they are having multiple orgasms and the guy sometimes doesn’t finish - they will have a bit of a ‘wtf’ moment But actually given the more submissive nature of sex between men and women generally this is not so surprising. Weird (because men are taught to always always satisfy women first....how boring for women! ), but not surprising.


Is there a position where you are more likely to orgasm from PIV? I just wonder if he’s hitting the g spot. But don’t pressure yourself to have to cum from PIV. Many (most?) women don’t.
For us it’s maybe a bit easier; as she comes from PIV 98% of the time (with certain positions). So I can grab her throat, **** her hard at the end, watch her cum and then just leave her there without it being weird of not having an ending for me (if I didn’t feel like coming). But it doesn’t usually stop there.

What I mean by that is that he could still make it look like it’s about him (so you can enjoy yourself) and if it doesn’t happen for him, just move on or take a break. It seems the main hurdle is for you to accept that sometimes it’s too much and he won’t cum every time and just to be ok about it. Doesn’t mean he has ED!



LeananSidhe said:


> And yes, his orgasm has always signaled the “grand finale” of sex. I might be able to have several but his is always more impressive.
> I will try ending sex with my orgasm sometimes. It seems like such a foreign idea. It’s funny because I’ve performed oral or handjobs on him without anything for myself probably hundreds of times...but the few times recently that he’s done that for me feel wrong somehow. Like I’m being mean. Sex just seems to revolve more around the man’s wants. I’ll have to work on getting that idea out of my head.
> 
> But this is also on him a little. I feel like he needs to recognize when he’s having a problem and let me know or stop things.



But as a man, you can’t know in advance that you can’t come. It’s usually women who have the hang up that when they feel there’s a chance they might not be into it or not cum, they don’t want to start anything up in the first place. I’m not sure men have this ability to predict what will happen to them and how long they’ll be able to go on for. I have a ‘failsafe’ way I know I can come but for example yesterday, I was running ‘overtime’ even with that (we’ve been doing it daily over last few months). There is another fail fail safe way....which I really hate to invoke....

I imagine another man (or men) suddenly show up in the room, all desperate to find ways how to **** my wife (yikes) and this suddenly gives me a massive boost for some reason (like when Super Mario gets a star and starts flashing ). I suddenly feel extremely competitive and get a massive urge to cum in her.  I’m not proud of this and don’t ‘use’ it often....but it is what it is...
I wouldn’t actually want this to happen in real life, it’s just something that I know for sure works, when everything else fails....



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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

It sounds like your doing the right things and there are good advice already written here. 
My overall point is that all these things that people are suggesting are good things to do regardless... exercise, eat better lose weight and get a checkup. Please update us later on how it’s going.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

LeananSidhe said:


> Yeah, the more I talk about it, the more I realize that I’m just being a whiny brat. Lol. “My husband gives my multiple orgasms a night but then he didn’t cum...my life is so awful!” Lol.
> 
> I am the same way. I feel reenergized after sex and/or orgasms. I sometimes have a hard time stopping because of it.


 @LeananSidhe everyone's sexuality works differently and is often driven by some form of personal validation. The joys of sex for some may have little or nothing to do with an orgasm with that part just being a nice bonus. 

Which of these two scenarios sounds more exciting to you?

1) Your husband having a huge erection with a tremendous desire to be with you, and making spontaneous love to you rather aggressively. You really enjoy it but barely make it to just a small orgasm at the exact same time your husband climaxes. The moment was brief but the experience leaves you insanely aroused and wanting more.

2) You having huge chick wood for your hubby. He is not in the mood when you start but you get him to relax and work him up into having a very strong orgasm. This process takes a very long time but you don't mind because you enjoy taking your time and had countless orgasms of your own along the way.

One scenario is about him being in control and the other is about you being in control. Both are very different experiences! 

OK now don't answer that question. Which do to think would be more enjoyable to your husband? Don't answer that either.... To me it would be scenario 1) because it includes getting to enjoy desiring my wife until I can not take it anymore and just having to have it and feeling her respond to that. Scenario 2) might be emotionally stressful because I would feel compelled to enjoy myself and if my wife was anxiously awaiting my orgasm. I would also begin to feel very self conscious if the process were taking a long time which can begin making it very difficult to climax if not down right impossible. 

The point I am making here is that perhaps you do not want to be focused on the goal of your husband's orgasm. If anything tease him that you will not allow him to have one and you want to see how long he can go without one (some people respond extremely well to tease and denial), until he starts to beg and/or just gets aggressive and makes it happen. That way you get to enjoy scenario 2) and as a bonus scenario 1) will eventually happen all on its own! 

So if you play around with his head... you get to enjoy being in control until he looses control and takes over! Best of both worlds if you can pull it off.

Regards, 
Badsanta


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## LeananSidhe (Feb 6, 2018)

Small update...

I think the problem might just be that we need to pace ourselves. The more sex we have, the more we want. We went all week without it (Well, Monday night is when we had sex but he didn’t finish and then Tuesday night he got me off a couple times but besides that...haha). Yesterday we had PIV sex at around 10am, then a quick BJ a couple hours later, then lots of sex that night that ended with a handjob, and then PIV sex this morning. He orgasmed each time. He even woke me up sometime during the night to give me a couple orgasms and then turned over and went back to sleep. 
So I guess it’s understandable that he’d be pretty exhausted towards the end of the weekend. My problem is that I don’t really know that much about men’s sexuality. He’s he only real partner I’ve had. There seems to be this idea out there that men are always wanting and ready for sex...so when he’s not it makes me think that there’s something wrong. 

Anyway, we did have a long talk about it yesterday. I told him that I still need him to try to be healthier and lose weight but that I don’t really think there’s anything wrong with him sex wise. He told me that he loves how much I want sex but that it’s also hard for him because he never wants to say no even when he’s exhausted. I asked him if he wants me to back off a little bit (I’m a big perv and send him dirty texts and stuff all day) but he said no and that he’ll just try harder to let me know before bedtime that he’s too tired. That might work well for us because we are trying to wean the toddler so husband takes him to bed and leaves me out in the living room until the toddle falls asleep. So I have plenty of time to discreetly rub one out before bed if I need to. 🙂


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

LeananSidhe said:


> Small update...
> 
> I think the problem might just be that we need to pace ourselves. The more sex we have, the more we want. We went all week without it (Well, Monday night is when we had sex but he didn’t finish and then Tuesday night he got me off a couple times but besides that...haha). Yesterday we had PIV sex at around 10am, then a quick BJ a couple hours later, then lots of sex that night that ended with a handjob, and then PIV sex this morning.



Get out of here! 🤨
Are you trying to kill him? Did you know if you drain the man of all his spunk, his balls dissolve? 



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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

LeananSidhe said:


> There seems to be this idea out there that men are always wanting and ready for sex...so when he’s not it makes me think that there’s something wrong.


That is what all men say and we like to think about ourselves. Perhaps some of us manage to convince ourselves it is true. 

Even when faced with the reality of being unable to get an erection from over doing it, we are often in a state of total denial and think we can continue. 

It is confusing for men too, but completely normal. 

Your husband seems like the kind of guy that if he were in combat and his arm was blown completely off that he would just keep right on going and get a bit frustrated that his gun doesn't seem to fire as easily anymore. In other words, he is a trooper! Consider yourself lucky!

Regards, 
Badsanta


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## LeananSidhe (Feb 6, 2018)

inmyprime said:


> LeananSidhe said:
> 
> 
> > Small update...
> ...


Hey now! It’s not all my fault! Haha. He’s just as bad as I am. He initiated most of those. I told him last night that we’d take today off but he woke up ready to go. I even half heartedly tried to resist! 
Maybe we’ll take a break tomorrow. 🙂


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## LeananSidhe (Feb 6, 2018)

badsanta said:


> LeananSidhe said:
> 
> 
> > There seems to be this idea out there that men are always wanting and ready for sex...so when he’s not it makes me think that there’s something wrong.
> ...


I think that’s pretty much how he feels and why it’s hard for him to take a break. When he knows that I’m always willing and ready, he wants to take me up on that offer even if he’s feeling exhausted. It’s hard for him to pass up the chance...

I’m very lucky. 🙂


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## MapMan (Dec 11, 2015)

Arousal is slightly below the ears and does not need any thought. You are aroused, or you are not. 

But I'm mostly concerned about his health. As someone mentioned, it's a kind of "canary in a coal mine", so to speak and introduce another metaphor. Either circulation, testosterone or even depression can trigger ED. 

Get him to the doctor; he doesn't have to discuss his d**k to find out he has a health condition he needs to address


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## LeananSidhe (Feb 6, 2018)

I edited the OP. I kind of wish I could just delete this. I feel silly. Like I said, I just didn’t understand what’s normal and what’s not normal. I googled ED and it said “trouble getting or maintaining an erection” and instantly thought he might have ED. I realize now that it’s just too much sex. I was worried because it seems to be happening more but that’s because we are having a lot more sex. 
I do appreciate the advice I’ve gotten here. We’ll both try to be more casual about it when it happens again.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Don't feel silly. Other people will read this post, learn something about erectile dysfunction, and be jealous of how much sex you actually ARE having. 

There are a number of ED threads on the board. And yes ... there are any number of misconceptions about male sexuality, just as there are about female sexuality.


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