# Been downrange...Back now...



## BlackMedicine357 (Jan 18, 2011)

Hi All,

Been downrange for last 6 days or so. Just a short one. Things are a little dicey at home since return. W is back up to old behavior, name calling, put-downs, suspicions etc. I'm holding strong with my decision not to lose my temper and give her firm and direct answers, but it's really tough. I'm just tired I guess. Not usually like this after a short trip. Usually have more energy and happy to be home. 

I go back out soon and not sure for how long. Got new stuff going on in a different place. Just kinda scratching my head, and don't know how we can make progress with me out in the bush.

Used to get welcomed home as 'conquering hero.' Not lately.


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## Neil (Jan 5, 2011)

to me, from your previous stories, this could be just an attempt at testing you to see if you "roll back over".

Stay strong, and keep to your original manning up game.

It worked a treat last time, and just maybe is one of those tests designed to see if you can still be man enough after a few weeks of calm/success


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Black,

You strike me as a rather serious guy.

The best way to pass fitness tests is with humor - if it's an option.

How often do you and the W laugh together?


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## Pandakiss (Oct 29, 2010)

hi--

i think when new things happen, like new way of fighting and talking things out, its difficut to re-learn or re-train your brain and old habits come back...

just try not t let thing get to you...keep possitive, keep on changing your ways and thinking...she will follow suit...dont shut down...ke talking it out...


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## BlackMedicine357 (Jan 18, 2011)

Actually Conrad, I love to laugh, hard and often. Humor has always helped diffuse some of the tension that we face downrange. 

But for quite some time, laughter at home has been hard to come by. W almost always deflects my attempts at humor with "that's not funny, it's _________." Fill in the blank, rude, crude, stupid, gross etc. If I don't get the "not funny" response, then I get the "head down and walk away from her."

I can usually get the kids to laugh, but they get the "he's not funny," and "don't get into your father's habit of laughing at everything." And the "everything is not a joke." 

I love Chuck Norris Jokes. They've been going around lately at work. 

"Chuck Norris has been to Mars already. That's why there is no life there."

"Why do people have butt cracks? So Chuck Norris will have a place to put his feet."

"If you can see Chuck Norris, He can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, you are only seconds away from death."

"Chuck Norris once threw an uppercut punch to a horse. The animal is now called a giraffe." 

"Chuck Norris does not wear sunblock. The sun wears Chuck Norris Block."

"There once was a street named Chuck Norris, but they had to rename it. Because nobody crosses Chuck Norris and lives." 

"Chuck Norris loves only loves Chuck Norris. He tolerates a few other people. If you are alive to read this, Chuck Norris is tolerating your presence at this time. Don't push it!"

There is no endangered species list, merely a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live." 


Just a few of my favorites.

Black


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Black,

I'm not surprised at the lack of humor at your house.

When you live with a Fitness Test Factory, it's easier to keep your mouth shut.

However, we're still not quite on the same page here.

I'm talking specifically of "one-liners" that take the edge off tense situations.

Best example I've ever seen was Ronald Reagan.

"Now, I know age has become an issue in this campaign, but I promise not to hold my opponent's youth and inexperience against him."

What's so alpha about this is he's comfortable enough in his own skin to laugh AT HIMSELF while making the very strong point.

When you receive a shrill body slam, brushing it aside with a humorous quip disarms your opponent.

(And, it doesn't have anything to do with "gross" things like buttcracks or - my personal favorite - farts)


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## credamdóchasgra (Sep 24, 2010)

Conrad said:


> When you live with a Fitness Test Factory, it's easier to keep your mouth shut.


I'm truly flattered that my terminology is getting some play.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## BlackMedicine357 (Jan 18, 2011)

Gotcha there Conrad. I too like flatulent interludes. I used threaten W with "dutch oven" if she didn't straighten up and fly right.

Reagan was quite a man and an exceptional President. The trouble we have now would not be if he or someone like him were in office. He got the job done and understood that tax revenues rise when you cut taxes and reward people for industry and entrepreneurship. He also was not afraid to use the military might of this country appropriately. He didn't care if we were liked, he cared more that we were respected. The 2 actions over the last 10 years, now 3, would have been dealt with quickly, forcefully and soon it would be known that the U.S. doesn't play with terrorists and rogue states. 

None of this long drawn out crap where the people of Iraq and Afghanistan smile at your face and then every night place IEDs on the routes out of town and stock up rpgs to hit convoys later in the week and threaten children with death if they don't run messages to other insurgents. Now we have Libya and Col. Q to deal with while the clown circus of the UN lets us know what level of force is acceptable in dealing with him. I truly believe we need a "Reagan" to see clearly and get all this over with. We have the capability of cutting the head off every snake in the world once they are identified. And that is with small unit action. Not large force deployments, with troops going out 6-7 times away from their families. 

The young guys are looking old now. Fresh faced in 2001, now they are getting the tired look. And turning violent. Yes, you might say that is the job of a soldier. To be violent when times call for it. But these tours are producing brutal people. Cold people. When they come home now, rarely are they greeted at the airport with thanks and encouragement like they did in GW1 and early in Iraq. Now the wars are old news. People are looking for new stories, new experiences. Lindsey Lohan and Beyonce and Joan and Melissa Rivers. And CHARLIE SHEEN for crying out loud. His show was good but give it a rest already. The man was making $2MIL an episode. Just to act like himself, a drunk, doper who beats women when he doesn't get his way.

Sorry, I hate to preach, but there are better ways to handle things instead of tiptoeing around and worrying if the world likes us, if we meet their demands and needs. We must consider as citizens the best course for our country, and what will ensure our freedoms. If we must go back and shed our blood, then let's do it for our people and our freedoms. Sure we'll be happy to die defeating injustice and tyranny, but don't ask troops to do it and let everything keep happening when we can fix it for good. It takes stones, big ones...I just don't see it in the current structure.

Black


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## Blue Moon (Sep 7, 2009)

That has to be the longest tangent I've ever seen someone go on after a simple reference was made haha
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## BlackMedicine357 (Jan 18, 2011)

Blue Moon said:


> That has to be the longest tangent I've ever seen someone go on after a simple reference was made haha
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Whoa! I think you're right! 

Sorry folks! Just had a little diatribe... won't happen again. kinda went a little Retro, longing for better days!

Thanks for the encouraging words, Neil, Panda, and Conrad.

She's still pushing back. I have to shift gears when I come home and put things in their place.

Black


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

feel for ya Black, i too have an ever evolving dynamic in my household. seems like everything i try sends us off in a different bad direction, but i am trying. hang in there man.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Black,
The chuck norris stuff is really good. Maybe it is more guy humor though. 

I think a light touch layered with a bit of acid might help you. When you get back to a "hostile reception" - you can give her a puzzled smile while asking "Have you confused me with an enemy combatant? We are on the same team - what gives"?

I would use a mild, tone. Like you really WANT to know. Because you do. I would avoid the - "WTF is your problem tone" even if she is button pushing. 

If you get a defensive/aggressive response to a fair question I would let her fully finish talking, shake my head and say "After 2 decades in hostile environments - I can recognize one when I see it - not exactly what I was hoping to come home to".

And then see what happens. 




BlackMedicine357 said:


> Whoa! I think you're right!
> 
> Sorry folks! Just had a little diatribe... won't happen again. kinda went a little Retro, longing for better days!
> 
> ...


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## BlackMedicine357 (Jan 18, 2011)

okeydokie said:


> feel for ya Black, i too have an ever evolving dynamic in my household. seems like everything i try sends us off in a different bad direction, but i am trying. hang in there man.


Thanks Okie. I think that while things outwardly with W are not incredibly stable, inwardly with my heart and mind I am much more at peace, thanks to my friends here on TAM. And inner peace allows for better decision making under fire and inner peace with preparation frequently results in progress.

I hope you have the inner peace I have these days. I get down sometimes because I want things better NOW. But the eventual goal for our lives together can't be reached with a 'microwave solution.' It's going to be a 'crock-pot solution." And I further think that it will be even more delicious when it's finally served. MRE's will have to do until we get there. They for the most part, are NASTY! But occasionally you'll get a good one like BBQ or beef patty that can be tasty (+ lots of tabasco.)

Don't give up Okie. I won't.


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

BlackMedicine357 said:


> Thanks Okie. I think that while things outwardly with W are not incredibly stable, inwardly with my heart and mind I am much more at peace, thanks to my friends here on TAM. And inner peace allows for better decision making under fire and inner peace with preparation frequently results in progress.
> 
> I hope you have the inner peace I have these days. I get down sometimes because I want things better NOW. But the eventual goal for our lives together can't be reached with a 'microwave solution.' It's going to be a 'crock-pot solution." And I further think that it will be even more delicious when it's finally served. MRE's will have to do until we get there. They for the most part, are NASTY! But occasionally you'll get a good one like BBQ or beef patty that can be tasty (+ lots of tabasco.)
> 
> Don't give up Okie. I won't.


is "coming to grips" the same as giving up?


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## BlackMedicine357 (Jan 18, 2011)

Okie,

Not in my opinion. "Coming to grips" has always meant wrestling with a problem or situation or grappling or getting a handle on things.

I also think it is the first positive step in solving a problem. The earlier steps in dealing with a problem are usually variations of thinking out, or "noodling." This is neutral, not positive or negative.

But, some may say that coming to grips is settling or accepting a problem or situation as untenable or immovable. This can be a negative if your perception of the situation is wrong. If it can be changed and you think it can't and settle for "it is what it is," then coming to grips is giving up hope, and practicing the 3 S's, SIT, SOAK and SUFFER. NOT GOOD...

But coming to grips with a thought out situation and a no quit attitude is acceptance of reality and a forward thinking approach to problem solving. This is known as an "over, under, through or around" attitude.

Henry Ford said," If you think you can or you think you can't...You're RIGHT!"

Stay positive, come to grips with it and don't ever quit.

Black


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

pride is the problem for me. i was apparently raised to give your all and expect the same from your team mates (must have come from sports). when a team mate didnt give effort they were called out for it, if it continued they were cut from the herd.

you cant help someone who wont help themself. i cant continue to put the effort into fixing things without help from my team mate. there are just no results.


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