# How do I stop wanting sex all the time?



## HusbandSam (Jul 19, 2011)

I've been married 14 years and love my wife dearly as a friend and co-parent of our two kids and am attracted to her sexually like nobody else. 

Our sex life has never been great, though, since she's just not that into it, doesn't like talking about it, and doesn't really want to try anything to change it. She gives into it sometimes, but I feel bad and tense about it since I know she's not enjoying it. 

For a few years I distracted myself with online porn, and a few times paid for sex (always safe), which I regretted deeply as soon as it happened. My wife found out about that recently and said if I couldn't deal with our sex life, I should just leave, and that she would leave if it happened again. Other than that, she didn't seem too upset.

I don't want to leave, don't want her to leave, hate what divorce would do to the kids, and am still turned on by my wife. I don't want to use porn or sleep with other women. But I can't stand going to bed every night with someone I'm so deeply attracted to, the love of my life, who doesn't want to have sex with me. I can't stop thinking about it. It's ruining my sleep and my work life. 

How can I find peace in myself to let it go?

--Frustrated husband


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

Hi Sam ~

How willing is your wife to work with you on your marriage? Have you two ever tried marriage counseling? Would you consider doing individual counseling for yourself even if she isn't willing to go to counseling, so that you could work on yourself and determine what the best direction for yourself would be?

Your wife does not seem to understand your needs and desires for whatever reasons. It is not wrong to desire sex with your wife - it is wrong to turn those sexual desires to someone outside of your wife while you are married, imho.

Best wishes.


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## seeking sanity (Oct 20, 2009)

I don't think it's that she doesn't understand your desires, its that she doesn't care enough to meet them. 

You need to be brutally realistic here: She's not likely to change and any plans for yourself that are predicated on her willingness to change are not realistic. The trap so many of us fall into is that we think, if I can only crack the code I can get my needs met. The problem with this line of thinking is that it keeps you in a reactive state where you are modify your behaviour to manipulate the situation to achieve some goal.

As I see it you have two choices:

1. Live with it and focus on having the best life you can, despite a non-sexual wife. Focus on what makes you happy, stop making her a priority, create your own life, and make it a good one. 

2. Bring it to head. Tell her simply that while you love her and wish it could work, you aren't willing to be in a non-sexual relationship. And that if she is unwilling to talk and work it through, you'll respect her decision but have no choice but to leave the marriage. You don't say it as a threat, more as a consequence of her unwillingness to participate in finding a solution. 

She may very well just not be a sexual person. It happens. Or there could be a lot of other things that are contributing to it. You don't know. And because you have a partner unwilling to communicate and figure it out with you, you have no way of knowing. It's an unanswerable question right now.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

What do you feel the problem is with your wife ...

1. Sexual hangups --good girl thinking, lights out, vanilla sex - inhibitions (these used to be my issues, I overcame them all)

2. LOW drive . If you leave her alone for a long period of time, does she "need" you, want you, come after you , does she ever masterbate? If not, she does NOT understand how you feel and your needs. She needs an education here at the very least. 

3. Unresolved Resentment over what you have succumed to in your sexual frustration? 

4. Does she take birth control pills -this often lowers a woman's sex drive 

5. Is she still attracted TO YOU physically - still looking good like you did when you married ?

What are your thoughts ??


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

If she only knew what an enviable position she is in. A man who has been in her life for years with whom she has kids, and he is very sexually attracted to her. So many women primping, dressing to kill, investing in tons of make-up to catch the eye of a man and she has one without trying. Wow. 

How long do you think you can hold on? If you manage this for 5 - 10 yrs more with no change will that be OK for you? If you are at the end of your rope you are going to have to accept that no matter what you do, you may never have a decent sexual relationship with your wife. She may not be a sexual person. 

With that in mind, you can make a concerted effort to improve your situation and give it time and effort and if it does not work then divorce. There is no reason not to be honest with your wife, let her know you will give it a try for 6 months or so and if no change then you will have to divorce her. 

She should know what she is giving up and she needs a chance to work on herself if she wants to stay married. 

Think long and hard about what you would like to do, your timeline and what you will do if there is no improvement. If you cannot contemplate divorce then don't present that as an option. However, if you are not willing to leave if you work really hard to turn things around then you really have no leverage. Sometimes the thought of losing a spouse is a strong wake up call. Not always.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

I'd like to add that the title of your thread is shows a lack of understanding and appreciation of yourself as a man. There is nothing wrong with a healthy man wanting sex all the time - it's called testosterone. You can't turn it off, that's the way you are made, it's normal. I think I understand what you mean though, how do you turn it off in your present situation. 

Well if you want to change yourself you can take drugs to dampen your sexual desire. That would be like gouging out your eyes so you don't notice a pretty woman. Kind of drastic. Or you could change your situation to suit you natural and normal nature as a man.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

> My wife found out about that recently and said if I couldn't deal with our sex life, I should just leave, and that she would leave if it happened again. Other than that, she didn't seem too upset.


Those two sentences don't make sense together unless your wife is a sociopath. Which she isn't. I can understand not wanting to be humiliated in public by what her friends discover about your marriage. But either she's bothered by that, a lot, or she's not. Basically, if what you say is correct, she's telling you all she wants is a 'White Marriage', a marriage on paper for social or financial or some other non marital reason. I bet no one in her family's ever been divorced and they all hold up a massive front that everything is wonderful all the time no matter what. 

What you did was unconscionable but only to the concept of marriage, not your specific marriage. I would say she's not kidding at least about never having sex with you. That doesn't seem to be in the cards. What you do with that is the question. As far as she threatening to leave you - maybe that's for the best. No Fault divorce is No Fault. Adultery doesn't have any bearing on the outcome other than how long it can take to finalize it. I'm not suggesting you cheat, all I'm saying she's making a somewhat hollow threat.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

HusbandSam said:


> I've been married 14 years and love my wife dearly as a friend and co-parent of our two kids and am attracted to her sexually like nobody else.
> 
> Our sex life has never been great, though, since she's just not that into it, doesn't like talking about it, and doesn't really want to try anything to change it. She gives into it sometimes, but I feel bad and tense about it since I know she's not enjoying it.
> 
> ...


Try this Married Man Sex Life

Athol has a book I finished reading a few weeks ago. Worth the read. His blog flows along various related topics. A good idea it to go back to the beginning of the blog and peruse the topics. The book was worthwjile for me. Good luck.

Being attracted to your wife is greatness. Don't let that go. make it work ... if possible.

Maybe His Needs Her Needs would help as well. It is so evident to men that sex is the number one need we have. The way we attain intimacy and so on. My love life with my wife is why I go to work. It is what makes life worth living. It is that important to me. I would not be married but for this. I am not so sure all women see this about their men. Sure there are other things. But this is number one. All else flows from this. It is essential to connecting with my wife.

The flip side is important as well. Women's needs are usally in a different priority than men's. They need their needs met as well. You have to know what they are first.


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## HusbandSam (Jul 19, 2011)

Thank you for your thoughtful responses. We are still very close in many ways and have had a good life together. I would hate to lose my best friend, but I can't imagine living the rest of my life without a romantic connection. I'm just really stuck. My head tells me I should wait six months or a year so the infidelity isn't so raw and so likely to be a big barrier for her (whether she admits it or not) and then bring the issue to a head, but I feel so emotionally and physically trapped right now that it's affecting all areas of my life. Divorce seems like it would be much worse, especially with kids involved.

I don't know if she's attracted to me or could be--she says she's just shut down that part of her self and it's not me, but who knows if that's really true. I've been up and down with my weight and fitness level over the years--never seemed to matter that much. It's hard to feel sexy and confident in my situation, anyway.


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## L.M.COYL (Nov 16, 2010)

To be Frank-who's Frank? . . .hmmm.
Listen, forget Frank.

Simple question for you:

Which do you need more to be happy? Would you need a happy wife and family *or *getting your sex kicks?

Sorry, bro. You need to shut off the porn, turn down your
drive and swallow your pride if you truly love your family.

A man, a *real *man, takes care of his own (family) first, *then* himself.

Think about the woman you chose to be with-did you chose her simply for banal, fleeting T/A?
I don't think so, dude.


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## Hubby01 (Jul 5, 2011)

L.M.COYL said:


> To be Frank-who's Frank? . . .hmmm.
> 
> 
> Which do you need more to be happy? Would you need a happy wife and family *or *getting your sex kicks?
> ...


#1. We're not talking about "sex kicks" were talking about sex within a marriage.

#2. Why does he need to turn down his drive, why shouldn't she turn hers up?

#3. A man, a "real" man knows that unless he takes care of himself first and foremost then there is nothing to give to his family. Period.


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## needmorehelp (Jul 19, 2011)

Your wife isn't interested in sex because you are selfish. You probably don't do a whole lot for her, except myabe bring home the bacon. And seriously, that does not tell a woman you love her. It just tells her you are one of the few men willing to take responsibility. If you think about sex all the time you are probably an addict and your wife is not suggesting a divorce because somewhere in her derranged little mind she thinks its better for the kids. But little does she know the longer you are around with your sexual addiction then the more likley your kids will have a problem with realtionships later. A distorted idea of what sex really is. You should be ashamed of yourself for paying for sex while you are married. Duh, she is a woman, not a dude, how is she supposed to trust you now? But... she is probabaly just insecure with herself to do anything about it.

idiotas!


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

needmorehelp said:


> Your wife isn't interested in sex because you are selfish. You probably don't do a whole lot for her, except myabe bring home the bacon. And seriously, that does not tell a woman you love her. It just tells her you are one of the few men willing to take responsibility. If you think about sex all the time you are probably an addict and your wife is not suggesting a divorce because somewhere in her derranged little mind she thinks its better for the kids. But little does she know the longer you are around with your sexual addiction then the more likley your kids will have a problem with realtionships later. A distorted idea of what sex really is. You should be ashamed of yourself for paying for sex while you are married. Duh, she is a woman, not a dude, how is she supposed to trust you now? But... she is probabaly just insecure with herself to do anything about it.
> 
> idiotas!


What??? Are you the wife maybe? Found his post?


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

I wish i could tell you, i am trying to figure that one out my self.


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## HusbandSam (Jul 19, 2011)

Some of the angry critical comments here are entirely fair. I screwed up badly, and feel like a selfish jackass for what I did. I'm trying to be better, focus on the positive, but it is very, very difficult. I am seeking counseling, trying to get the wife involved. We'll see.

Some of the other comments seem rooted in someone else's bad experience, and I'm a convenient target to yell at. Doesn't bother me if it helps you.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

HusbandSam said:


> Some of the angry critical comments here are entirely fair. I screwed up badly, and feel like a selfish jackass for what I did. I'm trying to be better, focus on the positive, but it is very, very difficult. I am seeking counseling, trying to get the wife involved. We'll see.
> 
> Some of the other comments seem rooted in someone else's bad experience, and I'm a convenient target to yell at. Doesn't bother me if it helps you.


It's good that you are man enough to accept your f**k ups.

But understand that what you did will take years for your wife to recover from. Your cheating has made her feel so devalued as a woman - wouldn't you feel the same if it had been her that cheated multiple times with other men? - so if you truly love her you'll do everything in your power to help her recover from her ordeal without thinking of your sexual needs.

Hug and kiss your wife as a sign of love and adoration and not as a prelude for sex.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

HusbandSam said:


> I've been married 14 years and love my wife dearly as a friend and co-parent of our two kids and am attracted to her sexually like nobody else.
> 
> Our sex life has never been great, though, since she's just not that into it, doesn't like talking about it, and doesn't really want to try anything to change it. She gives into it sometimes, but I feel bad and tense about it since I know she's not enjoying it.
> 
> ...


I was in your situation. I still found my wife attractive, but she wasn't having any of that.


Eventually, the resentments and frustrations spilled over into other areas. I ended up cheating on her, although I never got caught. I foolishly thought that if I could have my needs met outside the marriage, I could hold on until the kids were older. Didn't work... I ended up leaving the marriage about 3 months after cheating.

Anyway, I don't think it's realistic to try to kill your desire, nor is it fair to you. A significant part of my frustration wasn't just that my wife had no desire, but that she KNEW and acknowledged that there was a problem yet refused to take any steps to even try to address it. That's what eventually tipped me over the edge.

Good luck with your situation!


C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Hubby01 (Jul 5, 2011)

PBear said:


> I was in your situation. I still found my wife attractive, but she wasn't having any of that.
> 
> 
> Eventually, the resentments and frustrations spilled over into other areas. I ended up cheating on her, although I never got caught. I foolishly thought that if I could have my needs met outside the marriage, I could hold on until the kids were older. Didn't work... I ended up leaving the marriage about 3 months after cheating.
> ...


You know I went through almost the exact same thing with my 1st long term relationship, although without the cheating.

My partner made it extremely clear what she wanted and I did my best to meet those needs, and although I wasn't perfect I knew I was giving it 100% and doing 95% of what she needed.

In return I did my best to make my needs perfectly clear and that there was an expectation of regular sex. Fast forward 10ish years into the relationship and 6 months after completely cutting her off she comes to me and says "what do I need to do to fix this?".........of course by then it was too late I had already checked out. I do specifically remember the look on her face though and reading between the lines it was very much a case of "oh, you REALLY wanted sex, I thought you were just being a typical male"

Not for one second had the fact that sex was important even entered her mind, she thought sharing a house and being a "friend" made her an ideal partner.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

*totally disagree*

The post below is completely lame. She has been blatantly ignoring a core need of his for years and years and now he is the one who should walk on eggshells sexually. 

This is a wife who has no respect for her husband. 




morituri said:


> It's good that you are man enough to accept your f**k ups.
> 
> But understand that what you did will take years for your wife to recover from. Your cheating has made her feel so devalued as a woman - wouldn't you feel the same if it had been her that cheated multiple times with other men? - so if you truly love her you'll do everything in your power to help her recover from her ordeal without thinking of your sexual needs.
> 
> Hug and kiss your wife as a sign of love and adoration and not as a prelude for sex.


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## HusbandSam (Jul 19, 2011)

PBear said:


> I was in your situation. I still found my wife attractive, but she wasn't having any of that.
> 
> 
> Eventually, the resentments and frustrations spilled over into other areas. I ended up cheating on her, although I never got caught. I foolishly thought that if I could have my needs met outside the marriage, I could hold on until the kids were older. Didn't work... I ended up leaving the marriage about 3 months after cheating.
> ...


So how did that work out? Are you happier, or do you miss what you had?


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

HusbandSam said:


> So how did that work out? Are you happier, or do you miss what you had?


I started seeing someone shortly after separating, and have been seeing them ever since. We're very much in the "honeymoon" phase, but a number of my friends have commented on how happy I seem now, especially compared to the past 2 years. There's definitely some things I miss; the kids in particular. But I honestly don't miss my wife or my relationship with her. I know that a big part of that is my current relationship, and another significant part is the fact that I struggled with this decision for about 9 months before pulling the plug. As my therapist said, I had already gone through the grieving process for my marriage.

And the sex... Ah yi yi! My GF has at least as high of a drive as mine, and an incredibly erotic imagination and fantasy bank. We don't live together, but still have sex 6 or 7 times a week. Which was probably as many times as I had sex with my stbxw in 2010... My GF had some holidays with family that took her away from me for a week, which just felt so strange to me, whereas I would have been quite happy with once a week a year ago! . Combine all that with someone who makes every effort to look "perfect" for me, and who is a very kind, caring, and loving person...

So to sum it up, yes, much happier!

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

mommy22 said:


> I disagree. Though she had no right to ignore his needs, he had no right to go outside of the marriage. They both messed up and need counsel. There's never justification for cheating. Take this coming from a cheater. He's better off to divorce than go behind her back.


Yes, there's no justification for cheating, and he (and you and I) should all have left our marriages before cheating. But sometimes people do stupid things (or make foolish decisions) to try to hold things together way past the point of no return. Kind of like refusing to parachute out of a burning airplane, and trying to fly it still.

And yes, if they're going to make it work, counseling would be a good step. And his wife will obviously have to decide if she can trust him again... I sure wouldn't blame any loyal spouse for not wanting to risk that all again.

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Hubby01 (Jul 5, 2011)

PBear said:


> Yes, there's no justification for cheating, and he (and you and I) should all have left our marriages before cheating. But sometimes people do stupid things (or make foolish decisions) to try to hold things together way past the point of no return. Kind of like refusing to parachute out of a burning airplane, and trying to fly it still.
> 
> And yes, if they're going to make it work, counseling would be a good step. And his wife will obviously have to decide if she can trust him again... I sure wouldn't blame any loyal spouse for not wanting to risk that all again.
> 
> ...


To me this is always a chicken and the egg scenario.

From the outside it's very easy to make a blanket statement that its wrong to cheat.

One of my best mates has been very open with me about the fact he has cheated on his wife for years and yet I do not feel he has done the wrong thing.

Before you kill me, let me explain.

They both made a commitment. Having been well inside their relationship ( we were in business for a while together) she cut off the sex, the respect and relationship long before he cheated. She became his friend and not his mate.

Fast forward 10 years and they are very happy. He has his girls and she is blissfully unaware (or plain ignorant) and at last report they haven't had sex in over 2 years.


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## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

Wow, its so easy if both parties can get on the same page. My wife and I made an agreement before tying the knot that neither would ever deny the others needs. That was more than 34 years ago and its an agreement that has never been broken. If I'm tired/stressed and she's horny I never let on that I feel that way. Likewise, if she is tired/stressed and I'm horny I would never know. Our sex life is very fulfilling. 

Communication. Its a wonderful thing!


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## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

I think you lost any ground you would have had when you stepped outside the marriage.

I think living in a sexless marriage is not right, I would have felt much more sympathy if you hadn't been with prostitutes.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

I don't care if it makes me look bad or not, but I truly have *sympathy* for any spouse who has done their part in the marraige (Been loving, affectionate, providing, emotionally present, good dad, etc) & has fallen into cheating after suffering sexually for long periods of time because they have an unconcerned, unaffectionate, uninterested undesirous cold & alloof wife (or husband). 

Sure this man did wrong!! *He would have been better off to leave her earlier in the marraige *!! He acknowledges his wrong, have we missed this. He is not coming here to brag, feel good about it. 

The sorry fact remains >> had his wife done HER PART , cherished her husband in this marraige, loving him in the way he NEEDED from her, guess what, it would have NEVER led to this!! He would have no need to be here trying to pick up the peices. 

SHE had a responsibility that she IGNORED -and likely willingly. Being rejected time & time & time again by someone you married & vowed to love forever, this is no freaking walk in the park. Where was HER love!??? 

I feel any spouse (man or woman) who falls down on the job like this -should NOT to tooo damning, as they had a HAND in the falling. If they can not see that, they choose not too, and this is very unfortunate, they feel they are the only victims, but can't see how what they did - left the other open to great great temptation. It should have never been.

Had he just went out & just randomly screwed another when he had a loving affectionate, desirous willing wife at home who was happy to please him, I would feel utterly different in every respect, he would be a DOG and needs kicked to the curb, even divorced on the spot. BUt is that the situation here? 

And this is coming from someone who has never cheated. If I ignored my husbands needs willingly/ knowingly and he did this to me, I KNOW I would forgive him (after I knew he didn't have any STD's of coarse) -becaues I would have 5 fingers pointing back to myself. 

Until you have walked in someone's shoes, it is best to not judge. The man IS remorseful, he WANTS to do what is right here, but the answer is not that he needs to keep suffering. His wife is not so darn innocent in this. She contributed to this breakdown and much pain that shouldn't have been -if she was keeping HER vows to love & cherish as well.

Shame shame, we are all human. We need to be treated as such. And loved as such. And forgiven as such.


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## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

Sleeping with prostitutes is not doing your part. It has just complicated an all ready awful situation. Now she will be full of resentment, and rightfully so.

I am saying I would be repulsed by the idea of being touched by someone who had cheated let alone slept with prostitutes. That is just the truth. 

Also sometimes people with LD do not understand, however I think he knew full well what stepping outside the marriage would mean.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Stonewall said:


> Wow, its so easy if both parties can get on the same page. My wife and I made an agreement before tying the knot that neither would ever deny the others needs. That was more than 34 years ago and its an agreement that has never been broken. If I'm tired/stressed and she's horny I never let on that I feel that way. Likewise, if she is tired/stressed and I'm horny I would never know. Our sex life is very fulfilling.
> 
> Communication. Its a wonderful thing!


Amen to this ! This couple has AFFAIR Proofed their marraige. And they were smart about it, talking BEFORE the wedding, laying it on the line. This is something I will teach every one of my children to do . I wish me & my husband talked MORE about sex back then, it was one of our biggest blunders. 

Thankfully, we have learned from our mistakes there , and we 
live like this NOW and there is no greater JOY in Holy Matrimony. Personally, I feel vows need an added few words about pleasing our spouses sexually. But I guess that might make the Preacher Blush. 



> I, ____, take you, ____, to be my (husband/wife). I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love you and honor you all the days of my life. I, ____, take you, ____, for my lawful (husband/wife), to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Hubby01 said:


> To me this is always a chicken and the egg scenario.
> 
> From the outside it's very easy to make a blanket statement that its wrong to cheat.
> 
> ...


So by your logic it would be perfectly all right with you if your wife cheated on you for many years because you weren't meeting her most important emotional needs, but still was still meeting yours and as long as you were blissfully unaware.:scratchhead:


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## Hubby01 (Jul 5, 2011)

morituri said:


> So by your logic it would be perfectly all right with you if your wife cheated on you for many years because you weren't meeting her most important emotional needs, but still was still meeting yours and as long as you were blissfully unaware.:scratchhead:


No it would not be OK for my wife to cheat sexually.

My friends wife cut him off sexually, he is having his SEXUAL needs met elsewhere.

If I cut my wife off sexually and she cheated, yeah I have a part in that and would have to either own it or walk away knowing I contributed to the problem.

If my wife seeks out other EMOTIONAL avenues away from sex, yeah thats fine. She's very emotionally connected to a lot of her friends and family.......I do not provide enough emotion (in whatever form) so she's free to seek it elsewhere.

THIS IS NOT SEX THOUGH.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Hubby01 said:


> No it would not be OK for my wife to cheat sexually.
> 
> My friends wife cut him off sexually, he is having his SEXUAL needs met elsewhere.
> 
> ...


I understand but remember that if you were to cut out your wife emotionally, she's more susceptible to another man coming in and giving her what she needs in return for sex with her. 

The old saying 'men give love to get sex and women give sex to get love' is often very true.

Sex and emotions are very tied together for many folks, especially women.


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## Hubby01 (Jul 5, 2011)

morituri said:


> I understand but remember that if you were to cut out your wife emotionally, she's more susceptible to another man coming in and giving her what she needs in return for sex with her.
> 
> The old saying 'men give love to get sex and women give sex to get love' is often very true.
> 
> Sex and emotions are very tied together for many folks, especially women.


Tied together yes, but they are not one and the same.


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## HusbandSam (Jul 19, 2011)

*Re: totally disagree*



MEM11363 said:


> The post below is completely lame. She has been blatantly ignoring a core need of his for years and years and now he is the one who should walk on eggshells sexually.
> 
> This is a wife who has no respect for her husband.



MEM11363--I'm not sure I totally agree with you that this is her fault, but I read some of your good posts and think that I have been overheating the marriage, and for my own sanity dialed back my attempts to force a reconciliation she didn't want yet. So tonight it seems like she's noticed we haven't had sex in a while and asked me if I'm thinking we haven't had much physical contact recently or am trying not to think about it. I answered, honestly, that I'm trying not to think about it, and its sort of working.

But I feel too tense and emotional about the whole relationship to relax and get into sex tonight. If I turn her down when she makes a legit attempt, that doesn't seem like it would be good, but it's going to be hard to get and keep it up with all these unresolved issues floating around in my head.

Aaaargh.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Hubby01 said:


> Tied together yes, but they are not one and the same.


My number one need is Intimacy. I get that through meaningful loving sex with my wife.
So for me there is a direct tie with emotions and sex.

For all of the "stable" women I have known if they are not emotionally in a good place the sex suffers. I do agree that a woman can love her husband and not be in love with him and there is no sex. Maybe this is what you are saying.


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## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

Hubby01 said:


> No it would not be OK for my wife to cheat sexually.
> 
> My friends wife cut him off sexually, he is having his SEXUAL needs met elsewhere.
> 
> ...


If my emotional needs were not being met, I would seek to have them met with my Husband. If he didn't meet those needs I would let him know that things were getting dangerous, not turn outside the marriage.

I don't think you understand the emotional ties to the physical and women often cannot have one without the other (often men can't either). So by your theory shes just as likely to stray and justified in doing so.


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## Hubby01 (Jul 5, 2011)

I do get your point and I know what I'm trying to say.

Now maybe we should leave this poor guys thread alone so he can get his questions answered


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