# I think my wife might of married me for a green card



## Einszweidrei (Feb 27, 2013)

I am US citizen who lives outside the USA. My wife is non us citizen with b2 visa.Yes my wife originally lived in the USA practically with her b2 visa since she would get 6 months permission to stay in the USA and the time she couldn't be there in the USA she would live outside the USA,, here is where I enter the picture. While she was outside the USA because her B2 visa 6 month stay was up, we met online. One of the first questions she asked me when we met was whether I was a US citizen. Anyways we dated for some time outside the USA,, until the time when her B2 visa allowed her back in the USA. She went back to the USA on B2 visa and after some time I followed her to the USA and we lived in the USA for some months, she would work as a housemaid for 6 days a week and I would see her on sundays. She was very interested in money at that time and we would have frequent disputes because of it. Anyways she told me that during sex that the condom bothered her and I thought nothing of it, hint to the clueless when a woman says that the condom bothers her and you don't want children then inyect her with anticonceptive or stop having sex, anyways she gets pregnant obviously from this. I wonder if her getting pregnant was part of bigger plan or just a coincidence. Anyways with a baby on the way we get married and have been in a very tumultous marriage for about 1 year and 11 months so far. We decided to have the baby where the principal caretaker of the baby, my mother lives, outside the USA. The us non citizen spouse however has during the 1 year 11 monts period of marriage always had like a fixation on the USA. Almost everyday when she woke up outside the USA she would fixate on the USA and money. My wife refuses to work outside the USA because she says truthfully that the salaries in the part outside the USA where we live are low compared to the USA. Anyways since she is focused on the financial aspect, this makes her leave for the USA at least twice a year. She would be extremely unhappy and irritated because of not having money and was not content living with me and my parents even though having a decent shelter, food and clothes for her and would also constantly insist that I give her the green card. My wife is not so nice when raising children , so therefore my mother raises our children and if I give my wife the green card that would mean she would probably immigrate to the USA and being a mother of 2 children, she has another from a previous marriage which now lives with us, probably try or even right out take the children with to the USA, which is what I fear the most because they would suffer under her care in the USA. I refuse to sponsor her green card because I would like to raise our children with my mother who cares for them very well. So I don't know sometimes I wonder if the only reason she has stayed in the marriage is because of the green card and or the fact that her other child from another relationship is very problematic and she knows how hard it would be for her to find another partner with 2 little children in tow, especially the problematic one. So perhaps the only reason she hasn't left me is the green card and the fact that it would probably very hard for her to to find another partner who would put up with her problem child. Numbers 5,7 and 8 resonate here. Number 5. My wife lies a lot. Number 7 Family and maids that work with my family have told me that my wife is way too rude. My mother and father have told me in the past due to my wifes negative damaging behavior to me that it is better for me to divorce , even though to this day i havent. On our honeymoon we didn't have sex because my wife said she was tired. Number 8. My wife claims to love me but doesnt treat me as nicely as she does sometimes to her friends and family. I don't know if my wife married me for a green card and or for me and my family to babysit her problematic child from a previous relationship


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

Dude, i would paint you a roadmap where you were had, but i fear you wouldn't follow it..so in response to your title "I think my wife might of married me for a green card" 
You think think?

the moment she said are you an American citizen should have been the first clue, but even after that there was so many red flags and yet you still didn't see it...please don't get her pregnant again. Get divorce ASAP...i mean it or this is on you now...she doesn't love you


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Why do you blame your wife for getting pregnant? You knew that unprotected sex leads to pregnancy. You are as responsible for her pregnancy as she is.

Are you saying that you want your wife to live in your parent's house with your mother being the person who raises your children? That sort of arrangement does not work out very well.


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## Roselyn (Sep 19, 2010)

Your wife married you for your U.S. citizenship. Don't sponsor her green card nor bring her to the U.S. The indication of her intent was asking you whether you are a U.S. citizen or not when you met her. The constant request for the green card is definitely a red flag. She is rude & not a good mother. You need to assess your situation carefully. She will live on child support & alimony when she leaves you after she gets to the U.S.A. You will be a "milking cow", once you get here. She will not find a job with three young children in tow. Sorry for your situation.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Dear Einszweidrei;

You have been a member a long time and just a couple posts.

My advice to you is to be a man and sit down in front of a mirror and do some introspection.

You are a father, and whether she tricked you or not, your DNA helped create a life and the laws of most countries will find you financially responsible for raising that child. Kind of a harsh life lesson. Your marrying her just added to the harshness of that lesson. And what were you thinking about marrying a woman with a child from another relationship, if you were not totally committed to her.

Once you understand that, then sit down and figure out what you want to do with the rest of your life. You can't undo the pregnancy and child. How much of a relationship do you want to have with your child? What was it about your "girl friend" that attracted you to her before you got her pregnant and married her. What was it you were thinking and hoping for when you decided to marry her? You need to see this as a series of steps, not just one sudden mistake, but you already know that.

Once you have figured your own mind out, then set down with the mother of your child and talk to her, (perhaps even marriage counseling) to see what she wants and what her life goals are. Yes, she may have played you for a green card, but she now has a child and raising that child to its full potential is more than most single parents can do (and she may know that).

You need to start taking things very seriously. You might even want to talk to an attorney once you get your thoughts together.

P.S. paragraphs are your friend.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

i guess i do not understand this process very well. If i were a gold-digger looking to become a US citizen, i would be the NICEST spouse on the planet. Would be offering all sorts of sex, back rubs, and on and on. 

Why people hook up with you, then treat you like ****....makes no sense at all. All you have to do is divorce her and that is it....she is going back. All you have to do is mention to the INS person..."we do not really live as man and wife anymore, i think she married me only for a green card" and she is on the next plane back home.

So...you have MUCH more power than you think you do. If she does not love you, treats you like crap, the sex is bad, and your mom raises the kids....DIVORCE HER NOW! What would you possibly want to be shackled to her for the next 6 years, until she has a long enough time married to divorce YOU and take half of your money?


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## Einszweidrei (Feb 27, 2013)

EleGirl said:


> Why do you blame your wife for getting pregnant? You knew that unprotected sex leads to pregnancy. You are as responsible for her pregnancy as she is.
> 
> Are you saying that you want your wife to live in your parent's house with your mother being the person who raises your children? That sort of arrangement does not work out very well.


Because she told me that she was on the anticonceptive inyection when we had unprotected sex, she was definitively not on the anticonceptive inyection as she got pregnant.

Yes the situation is such that if I can't just flat out tell her I am not giving you the green card and that's it as much I would dearly love to tell her that, and I would really LOVE to tell her that, I can't because if I do go ahead and call her out on marrying me for a green card and telling her to forget about the green card, I have a duty to raise my child in the best loving environment possible, which is my parents house as my mother is a great parent. As I mentioned before she is not a loving caring patient nonviolent mother, so if I do flat out tell her that I won't give her green card never, she would in retaliation take my child to live with her somewhere that is not my house to be raised by a callous violent impatient mother. So what I do when she asks me for the green card is to play dumb and delay her by saying i like living outside the USA right now i would like to continue living here with you, so at the time i don't see your green card as a priority. The idea would be to delay giving her the green card until my child is an adult and therefore can decide by himself where to live, which is probably give or take 16 years from now so he would avoid being raised in a harsh unloving environment.

So I cant be too confrontative because then she would retaliate by taking my child with her.
@talker 67 Yes the sex is bad and in a hearbeat I would tell her to get lost but I have to care the best I can for my child.


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## Roselyn (Sep 19, 2010)

Talker67 said:


> i guess i do not understand this process very well. If i were a gold-digger looking to become a US citizen, i would be the NICEST spouse on the planet. Would be offering all sorts of sex, back rubs, and on and on.
> 
> Why people hook up with you, then treat you like ****....makes no sense at all. All you have to do is divorce her and that is it....she is going back. All you have to do is mention to the INS person..."we do not really live as man and wife anymore, i think she married me only for a green card" and she is on the next plane back home.
> 
> So...you have MUCH more power than you think you do. If she does not love you, treats you like crap, the sex is bad, and your mom raises the kids....DIVORCE HER NOW! What would you possibly want to be shackled to her for the next 6 years, until she has a long enough time married to divorce YOU and take half of your money?


Talker: bringing a spouse to the U.S.A. doesn't work that way. First you'll have to sign an affidavit of support for your wife. (My father brought my mother to the U.S.A. in the '70s with young children who were dual citizens). The American spouse pledges 100% financial support, including medical care for the spouse & children. The welfare system in the U.S.A. does not let men go from their financial duties, even though you are divorced. Child support, alimony, & medical care is going to be the responsibilities of the OP. They do not send the mother back to her home country, because she is divorced. She is treated like any divorcees with children in the U.S. w/ the same privileges. It is best for the OP not to bring his wife to the U.S.A. as he will be a "milking cow" if he does. She is getting rude and horrible as a wife as her patience is running out. Her true colors are showing!


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Ah, yes a green card.

One transplanted from your green mind. 
Your green, young dreams.

And she soiled on these things.
Replaced them with Nightshade.

Homegrown and foreign home inspired.
Get over.
Get over the Connecticut Yankee.

Take him to the cleaners.
And bury him in that same Nightshade.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Einszweidrei said:


> Because she told me that she was on the anticonceptive inyection when we had unprotected sex, she was definitively not on the anticonceptive inyection as she got pregnant.
> 
> ..... I have a duty to raise my child in the best loving environment possible, which is my parents house as my mother is a great parent.
> 
> .....she would in retaliation take my child to live with her somewhere that is not my house to be raised by a callous violent impatient mother......


I think you need some tough love.

Yes, she tricked you, but as you understand you are the father of this child. 

What you don't seem to grasp is that you are the father of this child. You need to "man up." You need to become that child's father. You need to mature very fast.

You have been handed a very harsh future, but now you have to deal with it.

What I am trying to tell you is that sending your child to live with you mother, is not becoming that child's father. There are single fathers out there raising their children, just as there are single mothers who struggle with day care and jobs. Yes, you mom is probably a wonderful person and can do wonders to HELP you raise your child, but you need to take responsibility for raising your child not delegate it to your mother.

As to your wife taking your child, you need to become that child's father. If that means she is an unfit mother, you need to get a good family law attorney and fight for custody, fight to get a court order that she will not take the child out of the country away from you, fight for your child's future. It is your child. Don't passively accept what your wife dishes out, take charge.

Yes, you have had a horrible life lesson. But now you have to figure out how to deal with it. You are going to have to make huge sacrifices, but people do that every day.

Good luck to you.


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## Einszweidrei (Feb 27, 2013)

Because if I divorce her she would in retaliation probably take my child to live with her and my child would suffer under her tutelage as she is a very harsh, impatient callous mother.


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## Einszweidrei (Feb 27, 2013)

I think my wife told me once that she married me for a green card, but i think she said it an joking tone so i didnt pay attention even though that doesnt change the obvious you cant cover the sun with your finger.

She left our family whatsapp group.

She is still friends with her ex boyfriends on facebook.
So I cant be too confrontative because then she would retaliate by taking my child with her.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

then your stuck...your stuck in this marriage, but trust me, if she could get rid of you she would, if replacing you with someone else or waiting for you to die that is her end goal 


you answered your original question yourself....so what do you want too do....and once you figure that out what plans do you have?


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## Einszweidrei (Feb 27, 2013)

I have a duty to my child to protect him. So what else can I do but stay in this marriage?


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

Einszweidrei said:


> I have a duty to my child to protect him. So what else can I do but stay in this marriage?


Have you spoken to a lawyer about what divorce and custody would look like? 

Have you considered having your mother named custodian/guardian? If your mother, who is actually raising the kid anyway, is given custody you'd be free to divorce without fear. You could convince your wife to sign off on giving your mom custody by dangling a trip to the US and/or a green card in front of her. You don't have to follow through. You just have to get her to agree.

Have you considered bringing your child to the US without his mother and starting custody and divorce proceedings here?

You chose this psycho you describe as cruel and callous to be the mother of your child. Now, deal with it. Actually do something beyond letting someone else raise YOUR kid and wringing your hands.


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## Einszweidrei (Feb 27, 2013)

My wife has also spoken with exboyfriends over the phone.


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

Get a lawyer. Pronto.


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## Einszweidrei (Feb 27, 2013)

Why did my wife say when I said I love her that when I talk to her she gets diarrehic?


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Einszweidrei said:


> Why did my wife say when I said I love her that when I talk to her she gets diarrehic?


Do you mean diarrhea; as in the runs? If your wife it telling you she gets physically ill when you tell her you love her, then you have your answer. She doesn't love you. You make her sick. You are an adult and you made a terrible choice for a wife and the mother of your child. The sad thing is, an innocent child is the victim of this mess.

Get a good attorney. Explore your options. See if you can get primary custody of your child. Quit telling your wife you love her. This nasty woman isn't deserving of your love. Of course, if you really want to stick it to her, keep telling her you love her. After all, it gives her diarrhea.


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## Einszweidrei (Feb 27, 2013)

My wife said the reason she said this was that I dont have a real job, i am a househusband and that she is stressed she says thats why when i said I love you she responded with When I talk with you I get diarheic.

I am a househusband and my wife apparently doesnt accept this job for me. 

thanks


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## ohthanks02 (Apr 29, 2018)

hey bro i feel what your going through.

My mother brought me into the USA illegal before after my father passed away.
First few months of living the USA my mother knew it was the perfect environment to raise the only child she had. 
Also the money was great compared to my home country. Anyways she worked really hard but unfortunately our illegal VISA's were expiring so my mother needed a way to stay in the country. someone introduced my mother to a man who had a citizen ( or a green card, dont remember was too young ) anyways it wasn't long till she got married and had a daughter. I knew in my mothers eyes she loved her husband ( my stepfather ) but she would stress over things too because my step father would stay home and just watch the kids ( he hated me though lol ). my mother worked very hard, working 12-14 hrs a day EVERYDAY. Later on she got into a fight with my stepfather and all he had to say was "you married me just for a green card". When i heard that I was just such in shock. If my mother only wanted a green card she wouldn't need to have a daughter with him and pay all the bills. At that point my mother wanted to split up and gave all the assets ( nail salon that she owned ) to him and her daughter. She wanted to see her daughter but my step father always refused.

My point is every mother has greed for their child, they want them to have good education and a good life, better than their own. Since your mother is watching your child maybe you should try and get a steady job and work towards your future by saving money. She might feel more secured? 

You should try and talk to her and see what other things you can do that would make her happy. If she only mentions green card then you should try to change the topic or move aside from it , but if she only mentions a green card then maybe she is only interested in you for ur green card.

But like I said before, my mother didn't marry my stepfather for only his green card, she loved him and she wanted to work hard together so they can have a good retirement and good education for their kids. Don't always think negative


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