# Separated...but considering to have a baby....



## lady :0 (May 23, 2011)

Me and my husband have been separated for about 5months and divorce has been a topic but he tends to get upset when i mention it. The separation was mutural but now i changed my mind and want to keep our family together. but he choose to stay alone because he doesnt want to love no more. I hurt him with my pushyness...naging...and i know that i wasnt the best house wife. He worked up to 16hrs a day and i still complained that he never helped me around the house and when weekend came he wanted to hangout with his friends and naturally id get upset. so alittle by little we'd fight 24/7 and decided to separate. With the separation he started to come by on the weekends...but not really talk about our problems and now it hurts because our son is relizing that "wheres his daddy?" and i hurt because i find myself alone and i love him and ive seen my mistakes and learn to love and respect a man that takes care of his family. I left calm and understanding about how he felt on our marriage. I was able to get a good job after not working for two yrs and provide my son a home. So how did the whole baby idea come in. Well about a month ago i started to see pregnancy symtoms and i felt so much joy...that now i can have somthing to help me coupe with the loss of my marriage and giving me and my son somthing to look foward to even if me and my husband never get back together. But when the test came out negitive...i was quite sad. So now I considering in actually getting preganant from of course my husband and of course he said no...but i told him u cant have sex with me then...and if he never does...hey...it wont hurt me cuz i wont feel used everytime he leaves my home. So what should i do??? sry for the spelling/grammer


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## Laurae1967 (May 10, 2011)

DO NOT GET PREGNANT!!!!!!!

I see some red flags. First of all, it is a really bad idea to get pregnant to get over the loss of your marriage. It's not fair to the baby and it won't work anyway.

Your husband works all week then goes out with friends all weekend and he can't understand why this bothers you? Your husband sounds like an immature, self centered man. He has you convinced that wanting help around the house and a little time with him on the weekends is wrong, but it is completely normal to want this. He's got you thinking YOU are the problem but it sounds like HE is the problem. 

So he left you and has all the perks of being single (freedom from responsibility) yet all the benefits of being married - having you waiting for him to stop by for sex. You feel used because he is using you. Stop allowing him to do that.

Focus on developing some self esteem for yourself. Focus on what YOU want out of life. Create something for you and your son to look forward to that is not a baby - a trip somewhere, an activity with friends, whatever. Take up a new hobby. Love yourself and you will realize that you are better off without your selfish husband. 

A baby is not going to solve your problems.


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## VLR (May 15, 2011)

You are separated and when you do get together you don't talk about the issues... that's a problem. You need to define what you expect from a man, whether this man or the next one. You need to both discuss and watch to see if he is going to be that man. Also, it sounds like there may be some areas where you need to look at yourself and ask if you are ready to be what the right man would want in a wife. Once you've figured out what you want and found it with a man who knows what he wants and has found it, then the topic of pregnancy can be revisited.


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## lady :0 (May 23, 2011)

thanks to the both of u...


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