# I think my wife is cheating on me with another women



## ovalvox (Jun 10, 2012)

I need some advice here. I have a pain in my heart that is unimaginable. Me and my wife have been married 10 years. We have two beautiful daughters. We both came from majorly dysfuncfional families. We are very moral. We have a good marriage. Ups and downs but who doesn't. Here's my dillema. My wife works two hours a day at our daughters school as a lunch mom. She has a new friend who she speaks highly of who works there also. I've met her and even been out with her and her husband. Last week I discovered something strange. In my top drawer we keep all our sex toys. We bought them when we were dating. OK we went to a sex toy party together. Anyways we haven't used them together in years. I see them every day because it is my drawer. For years they remained in the same position. Last Saturday I opened the drawer to get some clothing out. The drawer seemed out of order and my intuition alarmed. I lifted up the towel and three of the four toys were in different spots. I was perplexed. My suspicians aroused. I decided to get them out for sex that night. My wife remarked that she hadn't used these in ages. There's a problem with this. All three had new duracel batteries in them. I changed batteries in one of them like four years ago. All three had batteries from the same package of batteries. Duracell 2015. The fourth toy had a duracell from 2003. My wife said she can't remember the last time she used them yet there were new batteries in three. OK my wife may be shy about admitting to masturbating but when she did it was always the same one toy. Then it occurred to me that if three toys had new batteries then they were all being used. That could only mean with another women. My intuition went wild. Circumstantial evidence at best. The OW came over last week. I'm almost certain they had sex. I saw here at my daughters field day and she kind of mocked me at first and then apologized. I need proof. I made a promise to my wife that if I ever felt the need to cheat I would divorce her before committing such a treacherous act. I never cheated and had plenty of chances. I also told her if she ever cheated on me I would divorce her. I could never forgive her or trust her again. I need advice. I am sick over the fact that my wife may have had homosexual sex. To me that is worse than her cheating on me with a man. Should I confront her? I need proof before I divorce her. I can't eat. I can't sleep. I'm just sick over this. I would have thought my wife would ever have sex with a women. HELP! I don't know what to do. I love her.


----------



## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Wait, so three toys were used so that automatically means your wife is cheating with another woman? Dude, there were times I would use three different toys when I was alone. Or maybe, just maybe, this woman was asking your wife's opinion on toys being used with her spouse and your wife showed her the toys, needed to put new batteries in them to turn them on....you know, the way they were demonstrated at the toy party. Your evidence, at this point, is circumstantial, at best.


----------



## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

Post in the Coping with Infidelity section.


----------



## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

I think you're really stretching things too. If nothing else, if you confront you're likely to get laughed at and lied to, assuming she is having an affair. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## iheartlife (Apr 4, 2012)

I believe this much:

you can tell the toys were moved. you open the drawer every day.

you can tell the batteries were changed. 2015 on duracell means the batteries were added recently. They weren't just added to one toy, but to 3. Also, the fact that the fourth toy's batteries are 9 years old--that is odd too

but, to jump from those things to an affair is a stretch unless you have some other additional evidence to link this up. And to jump from that to an affair with this woman, is an even further stretch, unless again you have some other evidence you haven't mentioned.

Still, there is something about that relationship with that woman that bothers you. The fact that this woman was disrespectful to you is obviously not good. Your wife spends a lot of time with her and talks about her a lot, and the first thing she does when she meets you is put you down. Not a good quality to have in a friend--did you mention the incident to your wife? What did she say?


----------



## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

iheartlife said:


> I believe this much:
> 
> you can tell the toys were moved. you open the drawer every day.
> 
> ...


Another thought I had was... maybe she DID get them out for some reason. Perhaps she had a hunch you would go into that drawer that day, and she moved the toys, put batteries in them, etc... anticipating that you might suggest using them that night. You say you have a good marriage, but could there possibly be a "rut"? And maybe she wasn't sure exactly how to address it, and this could have been her way of suggesting that you both need to work on something in the bedroom... I don't know. But I agree with iheartlife that the friend disrespecting you like that is unacceptable.


----------



## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

keko said:


> Post in the Coping with Infidelity section.


I don`t know why he would he has evidence of nothing other than his wife is masturbating and her friend is rude.


----------



## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

tacoma said:


> I don`t know why he would he has evidence of nothing other than his wife is masturbating and her friend is rude.


His gut feeling led him to this site, maybe a little more snooping will uncover other things or close the case for good. Either is better then limbo.


----------



## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

tacoma said:


> I don`t know why he would he has evidence of nothing other than his wife is masturbating and her friend is rude.


:iagree::iagree: with this and.... just have to say... OP... REALLY? I'm getting a bit of anxiety and ocd from OPs post... RELAX OP.... it's probably just masterbation OR she was demonstrating to said friend. Some people can be quite rude.. but don't assume they have any sort of "feelings" or anything for one another. You should probably just gather more evidence first if your really that concerned about it.


----------



## Mrs.K (Apr 12, 2012)

How do you know that she JUST changed the batteries? I know you open the drawer every day but she could have changed them months ago. She could be using them herself and not want to say anything.

Are you not only suggesting that your wife had sex with this woman but she had sex with her in your own house? Where were the kids? 

I think you better tread lightly on this one because you may end up looking silly.

Have you ever considered that she was looking for something in the drawer? Or maybe experimenting with the toys since you all haven't used them in a while? 

You say that the only reason for all 3 to have new batteries would be because she was using them with another woman but that doesn't make sense. Why would they need all 3 of them?


----------



## jenniferswe (Apr 23, 2012)

Maybe she was looking for something else and the drawer go messy.


----------



## ovalvox (Jun 10, 2012)

I'm not sure of anything. Again circumstantial evidence at best. That's why I'm asking for advice. Our kids get out of school next week. That will make it very hard for my wife and her friend to have potential sex. It's easy while they are in school. My wife has all the time in the world to cheat on me without ever getting caught. I work all day. Again my intuition just fired and an alarm went off. I hope I'm just paranoid and crazy. I'll still be married and everything will be fine. If I'm right then I have to think of my daughters. Me and my wife swore to each other that our kids were having "normal" lives. I hope she still believes that. It's one thing to cheat but another with the same sex. Her father would be as devastated as me.


----------



## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

ovalvox said:


> I'm not sure of anything. Again circumstantial evidence at best. That's why I'm asking for advice. Our kids get out of school next week. That will make it very hard for my wife and her friend to have potential sex. It's easy while they are in school. My wife has all the time in the world to cheat on me without ever getting caught. I work all day. Again my intuition just fired and an alarm went off. I hope I'm just paranoid and crazy. I'll still be married and everything will be fine. If I'm right then I have to think of my daughters. Me and my wife swore to each other that our kids were having "normal" lives. I hope she still believes that. It's one thing to cheat but another with the same sex. Her father would be as devastated as me.


I think... you have been watching to many shows and movies with infidelity in them...  No but seriously... i really think your jumping to conclusions here. Has your wife ever expressed a sexual interest in the same sex the entire time you have known her?


----------



## ovalvox (Jun 10, 2012)

And for the person who said "showing her?" My wife could show her by using them on her or herself. Still classified as cheating. My wife should not see another woman naked and another women should not see her naked. You forget the fact that someone changed the batteries and that someone wasn't me. And that makes my wife a liar if she did change them for whatever reason. No proof but fishy!


----------



## COguy (Dec 1, 2011)

If you have a gut feeling that something happened, put a VAR in the house or her car, or a hidden cam. Hell, leave a webcam in the room on and just check it every day.

I think there's more to the story, you wouldn't just jump from new batteries in dildo to cheating unless there were other red flags that you're not telling us. Unless you're naturally an insecure person.


----------



## ovalvox (Jun 10, 2012)

Gaia said:


> I think... you have been watching to many shows and movies with infidelity in them...  No but seriously... i really think your jumping to conclusions here. Has your wife ever expressed a sexual interest in the same sex the entire time you have known her?


She won't in front of me because I'm against it. That doesn't mean she doesn't have it. As for jumping? Of course I am. I realize that. Again very flimsy evidence. I just can't shake the feeling that it happened. Again before I do anything foolish I asked for advice.


----------



## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

COguy said:


> If you have a gut feeling that something happened, put a VAR in the house or her car, or a hidden cam. Hell, leave a webcam in the room on and just check it every day.
> 
> I think there's more to the story, you wouldn't just jump from new batteries in dildo to cheating unless there were other red flags that you're not telling us. Unless you're naturally an insecure person.


Keep in mind that if you get caught spying on her with such flimsy evidence and she isn't cheating on you, the sh1t will likely hit the fan big time. To the point of possibly destroying your marriage.

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## KathyBatesel (Apr 26, 2012)

Well, I'll be going against the grain here. I think you have good reason to feel concerned, but it doesn't automatically mean an affair with another woman.

First, either your wife has lied to you, or someone else has been in the drawer. (You don't mention your daughter's age, but believe me, kids snoop, get curious, and might show off what they've found to their friends.)

If it *is* your wife who changed the batteries, then her dishonesty only fuels more reason to worry she could be having an affair. Especially if this new friend of hers is acting discourteous toward you.

I wouldn't jump up and buy electronic spying devices just yet, but I wouldn't rule them out, either. What I'd be more likely to do is to set up something that would alert me to whether the toys were accessed, like noting exactly where a strip of belt happens to get tucked underneath another one, and see if it happens again. I'd also be alert to my wife's response about the other woman's behavior toward me. If she defended the woman and not me, I'd be on high alert and start asking questions about what she'd like to improve about our physical and emotional intimacy in a way that invites her to open up without feeling attacked. 

This would give me an idea of whether she's unhappy or not. If I saw an admission of a big unhappiness or several little ones, that'd be another alert, at which point I'd confess my concerns about an affair.


----------



## eowyn (Mar 22, 2012)

ovalvox said:


> I'm not sure of anything. Again circumstantial evidence at best. That's why I'm asking for advice. Our kids get out of school next week. That will make it very hard for my wife and her friend to have potential sex. It's easy while they are in school. My wife has all the time in the world to cheat on me without ever getting caught. I work all day. Again my intuition just fired and an alarm went off. I hope I'm just paranoid and crazy. I'll still be married and everything will be fine. If I'm right then I have to think of my daughters. Me and my wife swore to each other that our kids were having "normal" lives. I hope she still believes that. It's one thing to cheat but another with the same sex. Her father would be as devastated as me.


In my opinion you mistake Intuition with Imagination. Intuition is a positive feeling that would guide/alert you. However this looks more like Imagination... since you are jumping to conclusions without any evidence at all, and there is a sense of panic, insecurity and lot of assumptions. You are not thinking right in my opinion, unless you have other reasons to suspect such a thing from your wife who has been with you for 10 yrs.

Is there a chance someone else in the house might have access to where the toys are? If I were in your shoes and if she has been trustworthy thus far, I would just ask her that you noticed that the batteries were changed and you didn't change the batteries... so was it her that changed the batteries? Of course this needs to be asked without getting interrogative or negative about it.


----------



## Love Song (Jan 16, 2012)

hmmmm how old are your daughters?


----------



## ovalvox (Jun 10, 2012)

Love Song said:


> hmmmm how old are your daughters?


9 and 6. And of course I considered that it could be them. Other clues are my wife has been to three tastefully simple parties in the last two months. She complained about the one her best friend had who I know is not gay. My wife has ciliac disease. Again she has potential all day to cheat because she only works from 11 to 1. I've been on the net and the number one reason people suspect cheating is intuition. My kids are out of school Thursday. My wife is starting her period Tuesday. Her friend lives far from the school. If my wife is cheating the next two days will tell the tale. And I hope it's just my imagination. I'd rather be wrong and married than right sick shocked and divorced. It's time for some survailence. I hope I'm wrong.


----------



## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

Which phone is she using?

Can you check her computer and emails?


----------



## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

ovalvox said:


> 9 and 6. And of course I considered that it could be them. Other clues are my wife has been to three tastefully simple parties in the last two months. She complained about the one her best friend had who I know is not gay. My wife has ciliac disease. Again she has potential all day to cheat because she only works from 11 to 1. I've been on the net and the number one reason people suspect cheating is intuition. My kids are out of school Thursday. My wife is starting her period Tuesday. Her friend lives far from the school. If my wife is cheating the next two days will tell the tale. And I hope it's just my imagination. I'd rather be wrong and married than right sick shocked and divorced. It's time for some survailence. I hope I'm wrong.


I'm still not seeing anything suspicious. Tasteful parties = lesbian affair partner? And what does celiac disease have to do with anything? Or your wife's period?

Seriously, you're running a big risk of blowing things up for nothing. Showing her the lack of trust that any kind of active surveillance would mean can be hugely damaging. Have you at least done something simple like look at your cell phone bills, or check the browser history on your computer?

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## MadeInMichigan (May 8, 2012)

PBear said:


> I'm still not seeing anything suspicious. Tasteful parties = lesbian affair partner? And what does celiac disease have to do with anything? Or your wife's period?
> 
> C
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Let's see....maybe the celiac disease prevents her from eating yeast so she has to make sure her new lover doesn't have any infections. :smthumbup:


----------



## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

ovalvox said:


> 9 and 6. And of course I considered that it could be them. *Other clues are my wife has been to three tastefully simple parties in the last two months.* She complained about the one her best friend had who I know is not gay.* My wife has ciliac disease.* Again she has potential all day to cheat because she only works from 11 to 1. I've been on the net and the number one reason people suspect cheating is intuition. My kids are out of school Thursday. *My wife is starting her period Tuesday.* Her friend lives far from the school. If my wife is cheating the next two days will tell the tale. And I hope it's just my imagination. I'd rather be wrong and married than right sick shocked and divorced. It's time for some survailence. I hope I'm wrong.


Ok, so... food parties plus celiac disease plus period starting in two days means she is having lesbian sex. WTF do you think is going on at the food parties?? Seriously, I would LOVE to go to one of those! Even if I don't eat the food, it is to spend time with friends, and get ideas for meals, etc. Celiac disease merely means she needs to watch what SHE eats. Doesn't mean she can't get something for YOU or the kids!

My period is due to start any day now as well. So, I guess that means, by your definition: if I go to three food parties in two months, and if I get diagnosed with celiac disease, AND my period is gonna start soon...OH! And then if the batteries in my toys are changed...that's it, I must be having lesbian sex with my friend. Never mind the fact that I feel no attraction whatsoever to women. 

Dude, your posts are getting more and more ridiculous.


----------



## ovalvox (Jun 10, 2012)

Celiac disease is an intolerance to gluten. My wife already complained that there is nothing she can eat at these parties. And these parties are with the women she works with. Not her regular friends. As for browsing history? We are all over the computer to protect our girls. I did do the dispicable act of checking her phone. Her and this OW talk daily. No alarm there. My wife talks to her dad and best friend daily. It proves nothing. My girls are always playing with our phones so we are both careful to protect them. Again my wife has a perfect scenario. The girls are in school at 8am. I'm at work for 10 plus hours. That gives my wife 5 hours to easily cheat if she wanted too. And she could easily cover her tracks. The changing of the batteries and the repositioning bothers me. She stated she had not touched the toys in a long time. Who did then? My daughters wouldn't change batteries from the pack that is sitting in our closet. I changed batteries in one of them years ago. She put them back in a random order thinking I would never suspect or notice. Well I did. If she is cheating it will be tougher for her since the girls are done with school next week. I'll bide my time and just be vigilant. Cheaters eventually mess up if they think their loved one is not aware.


----------



## MrsOldNews (Feb 22, 2012)

You're coming off a little Nutzo here man. FYI lots of women see each other naked when they changed in front of each other (it's very normal) but that's beside the point. Id put money on the assumption that she's using her toys to make up for a not so great sex life and is to reserved to tell you about it since you seem to have a knack for blowing things out of proportion.


----------



## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

The more I think about this thread the more I come to believe the bigger problem in your marriage has something to do with why you haven't used those toys in 4 years.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## TemperToo (Apr 23, 2011)

YOu sound JUST LIKE my STBXH. Seriously. Maybe she lied about the batteries because you would give her such grief about it, it wasn't worth the battle for her. 

You are completely insecure and paranoid. You WILL drive her to an affair if you keep this crap up.

So she has friends and interests? Really? Maybe its because YOU have little interest in HER. After years of emotional neglect and abuse, I did start trying to find happiness on my own. I developed close friendships with other women (NO, NOT SEXUAL) and had interests that he had no desire to participate in. 

And we are going through a divorce. 

Seek counseling for your issues. Because she either is or isn't having an affair (I HIGHLY suspect ISN'T.) But you are working yourself up to the point of paranoia.

Sorry if this sounds harsh, but you remind me so much of my ex! *shudders*


----------



## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

I know what celiac disease is. I have friends with this affliction. Ok, so the parties are with friends from work. Hey, maybe she just wants to get to know here coworkers better. Again, nothing wrong with going to the food party, even if you can't consume the products. And, I checked out the company's website. They do sell things OTHER than gluten laden foods. I got news for you tho... she could cheat just as easily with the kids home as with them gone. but the key to that is in your own words:



> *easily cheat if she wanted too.*


Again, you are grasping at straws, and I am inclined to think along the lines of tacoma... it has less to do with the possibility of her cheating and more to do with why those toys have been sitting in the drawer for 4 years.


----------



## KathyBatesel (Apr 26, 2012)

I don't think it's fair to say he's going off his rocker. 

He has described the specifics about what makes him think she *could* be having an affair, but he didn't do that without first feeling something is missing in their marriage, and recognizing that something is "off" with his wife's behaviors. 

But Ovalvox, if you'd "rather be wrong and stay happily married," then investigating might bring you exactly to the state you don't want - divorced. 

I'd encourage you to first sit down with your wife and talk to her. Find out how happy she is with the state of your marriage, and what she would like to see change. Ask if she is bored with so much time at home, or if she feels like fun is missing from her life. If she gives you hard answers that you don't want to hear, instead of trying to avoid pain, thank her for trusting you enough to be honest. Once you have a good idea of whether your relationship is "affair proof" or "lacking something," you can explain that you feel threatened by her new friendship. Explain why without blame or criticism. Let her know that you hate the idea of asking her to end a friendship, and hope she'll make your marriage a more important priority than her friendship and see what she does with it.


----------



## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Op is sounding more SURE of his wife cheating based on new batteries in toys and them being in a different position. I agree he should talk to his wife but there is a clear case of jumping to conclusions here. He still has NOT given a clear reason WHY he feels his wife would actually ENGAGE in sexual behavior with another female. Has she expressed doing so before? If not then why OP would you assume she were engaging in such behavior now? It seems to me that there is an ugly case of jealousy going on here based upon unfulfilled needs/wants? Of course some will probably say... talking to her could move any infidelity "underground" or whatever... and that won't help with that monster your dealing with right now. You could set up a camera or five, a voice recorder, ect on the sly and look over the results later on. You may just find that hey.. she is probably just using the toys to please herself since maybe there is a disconnect between you two and you possibly haven't done anything with each other in awhile? With kids and work.. of course any intimacy between spouses will be hard.. but it doesn't necessarily mean she will go and cheat. You must not have very much faith or trust in your spouse if you jump to this conclusion. I know.. it's so easy to think about all the nasty things that "could" be happening behind your back.. I've thought about this when it has came to my own spouse before but really... it's not healthy to let these thoughts get worse... nor does it help the relationship. You may end up pushing your SO away with constant monitoring, accusations, lack of trust, ect... and you will be lucky if she doesn't decide to leave because of it. I understand how you could jump to conclusions so easily, I'm still struggling with trying NOT to do this in my own relationship so please.. at least think about why you would come to this conclusion and think about IF your SO has actually given any signs of being interested in having an affair with someone of the same gender before jumping to conclusions.


----------



## Mrs.K (Apr 12, 2012)

Why don't you just tell her that you noticed that the toys have new batteries in them and ask her if she changed them?


----------



## Mrs.K (Apr 12, 2012)

And for what it's worth I have been to food parties, candle parties, mary kay parties. Hell even one time I went to a lunch box party.. I am not a lesbian nor am I attracted to any of my friends BUT I complain every single time I go to one before I leave the house because they are not my "thing". However I go to support the hostess' that are friends.


----------



## eowyn (Mar 22, 2012)

Looking at OP's posts I feel that if he has a talk about this or anything related with his wife right now, it would most likely cause severe damage. OP doesn't have much to suspect his wife and the 2+2 that he is trying to do here is quite absurd. Celiac disease + Parties = Infidelity  

Not just that, he keeps saying in his posts that she has lots of time on hand and therefore insinuates that she must be cheating   His logic and reasoning is not making much sense. The only concrete data he has is the change of batteries in those toys. But that is not sufficient to suspect such a thing. Keeping a watch, I understand. But he is drawing premature conclusions!

If he talks to her right now, and given his state of mind - he is bound to mention what he has written on these posts. And if he mentions even a fraction of things that he has written on these posts it will drive her crazy. If she has been loyal and trustworthy for 10 yrs, such baseless allegations can be enough to hurt her to a degree that she might just want to walk away from him. 

I would recommend some IC for OP. His thinking and logic seems to be pretty much biased due to his own insecurities.


----------



## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Love Song said:


> hmmmm how old are your daughters?


First thing that came to my mind too.


----------



## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

WorkingOnMe said:


> First thing that came to my mind too.


Asked and answered on the second page.

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

ovalvox, I think you are jumping to one conclusion when there are many possibilities.

Either she changed the batteries and moved the toys or she did not. If she did not, is there a logical scenario?

It sounds to me like the most likely scenario is that she did change the batteries and move the toys. Did she then use them? Solo? With someone else?

The thing is that you have no facts other than the toys were moved and the batteries changed. You have no idea what her motivations were or what she did with the toys. If there is no other reason to suspect she is unhappy enough to have an affair, this is not enough data to conclude she is in an affair. In fact, the logical conclusion is that she used the toys solo. Second place guess would be she wanted to reintroduce them into the marriage. A far distant conclusion would be she used them with somebody else.

If your gut is telling you something is wrong in the marriage completely aside from the toy thing, follow the suggestions to talk to your wife about your relationship and what she would like. Don't accuse her of anything!


----------



## ovalvox (Jun 10, 2012)

Wow! Some of you are vicious. Some of you offer good advice. I guess I'm guilty of being paranoid and insecure with the little evidence I've provided. For 13 years I wasn't. That's how long I've known my wife. Again I started this thread for advice. I'm getting sharks looking for threads like this just so they can prey. Go ahead and enjoy if it makes you happy. I really don't care. For those of you that offer sincere advice I thank you. I didn't realise I would get this many responses. When I come to a conclusion I will post again. If I'm wrong then I will be elated. If I'm right then me and my wife will have to talk. One thing is for sure. I realise I've been taking her for granted. I will never make that mistake again. Thanks again for those of you who offered sincere advice. It may be awhile but I'll post when I'm comfortable that I reached the right conclusion.


----------



## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

If you want to learn ways to verify then post in the Coping with Infidelity section.

On a seious note are you into FFM 3some's?


----------



## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

ovalvox said:


> Wow! Some of you are vicious. Some of you offer good advice. I guess I'm guilty of being paranoid and insecure with the little evidence I've provided. For 13 years I wasn't. That's how long I've known my wife. Again I started this thread for advice. I'm getting sharks looking for threads like this just so they can prey. Go ahead and enjoy if it makes you happy. I really don't care. For those of you that offer sincere advice I thank you. I didn't realise I would get this many responses. When I come to a conclusion I will post again. If I'm wrong then I will be elated. If I'm right then me and my wife will have to talk. One thing is for sure. I realise I've been taking her for granted. I will never make that mistake again. Thanks again for those of you who offered sincere advice. It may be awhile but I'll post when I'm comfortable that I reached the right conclusion.


I don't think anyone is trying to be mean and I'm sorry you have felt attacked but I for one.. do look forward to your results and I'm hoping it's just your being paranoid.


----------



## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Ok, ovalvox, the way you presented everything just doesn't scream "my wife is a lesbian" or "my wife is bisexual"... or even "my wife is cheating". I truly hope she is faithful, but I just don't see how you came to this conclusion, based on what you posted. PERHAPS the toys being moved, but the rest is typical stuff we women do. I've gone to Tupperware parties with no money to buy anything. It was for friends. They knew I couldn't buy, but they wanted my company there. I went to a "toy" party recently...was just a bunch of women. I'd never been to one before. And yes, I blushed. But I had fun laughing and joking with the ladies, even ladies I'd never met before. I've gone to candle parties, I even sold PartyLite candles at one time. All to support a friend who liked candles and wanted to get into selling them. 

The point I am trying to make is that, based solely on what you have shared, I don't see that she would be cheating. Has there been any other behavior that points in that direction? Is there something you have not shared? I truly hope it is just your imagination running wild. If it turns out that your suspicions are confirmed, then I do apologize. However, I think you should go back and read the entire thread... including what you wrote. See it from the eyes of those not involved. Based on what YOU have said, it's a BIG stretch... surely you can see that?


----------



## lifeisnotsogood (Jun 11, 2012)

You have nothing. If you approach her it will go something like this:

Q: Are you having an affair with a woman, specifically ...?
A: What?

Q: Repeat Question
A: NO! Why would you say that? You must be cheating.

Q: No, I noticed there were new batteries in the dildos.
A: So now you're investigating. If you must know. I did replace the batteries. One didn't work well (kept shutting off) so I put batteries in the other two because I couldn't remember which one was better. This is embarrassing. You can't trust me, maybe we should just end it if there is no trust.

You say: I'm sorry honey, I just thought...
she interrupts: I'm sleeping in the other room.

results: You know nothing, she is warned and becomes more careful, etc.

You need to wait. Act like there is nothing bothering you. If she notices, tell her you're not feeling well.


----------



## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

If your wife is cheating----as YOU say, it could be with anyone, for she has plenty of time, to do whatever she wants---in the afternoons

She could be cheating, and she might not---but before you blow up your mge, and wreck your kids life's---do some heavy investigating----GPS, VAR, PI, lots of things you CAN do to get info. on what she IS/IS NOT doing

If you are really that worried, then go out spend the bucks, and find out---you will either get your peace of mind back, or you will have to deal with infidelity---and don't limit this just to a possible homosexual situation---if she is cheating it could be with anyone----INVESTIGATE!!!!!!


----------



## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

Two additional thoughts.

First, there is some underlying reason this set you off. Why, for example, did you not jump to the conclusion that she was _intentionally_ giving you a hint to use the toys with her? My counselor always goes after these underlying reasons rather than the event, and it usually proves to be a valuable exercise.

Right now I think you should take this event as a wake up call that you both need to calmly and lovingly work together to reboot your marriage. This may be the time for both of you to grow individually and as a couple.

Secondly, imho it doesn't matter who a spouse cheats with. In fact, if my wife had a lesbian affair it would be a relief from the standpoint that I cannot compete with that. Another man would mean comparing myself to him. How _big_ is he? How much $ does he make? Is he better in bed? Is he more sophisticated?

But a lesbian affair means we are on completely different playing fields.


----------



## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

While you may want to be observant you have no evidence whatsoever. You seem a bit paranoid. Calm down, way down. Breathe deep and think. What other reasons do you have to have these imaginations. If you make such a massive leap with nothing more than that to go on you could cause irreparable damage to your marriage.

Trust but verify!


----------



## *needaunderstand* (Jun 11, 2012)

i wouldnt put up camera's. i know if someone did that to me, it would be over i a heart beat. you seem to be certain about her cheating. the friend doesnt know you well. maybe she was trying to joke and she relized you didnt take it right? you know your wife better then anyone else. has her body language toward the woman thrown red flags up? see if she acts the same with her other friends. one of the biggest flags is when they are not interested in you sexually, because they are getting their nookie from someone else.


----------



## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

I think you got honest answers from people who have been through real cheating. If even they think you're jumping the gun...you're probably jumping the gun.

Advice: Do what you planned to. Don't change your behavior towards her in anyway. If she is having an affair she will leave signs. Keep checking for real signs in silence. Real ones.


----------



## fastaruk (Dec 24, 2012)

My wife used three toys last night. On both of us.


----------

