# My world fell out from under me!



## fool for love (Sep 20, 2011)

Here is the history. We met 11 years ago, December will be out 10th wedding anniversary. Both have 1 child from our first marriage (boys 15 and 14 y/o) and we have twin girls together (8 y/o). He is from Maine but was living in CT, I am from NJ. We met in FL and dated for a year, once engaged I moved to CT and lived with him for 4 years. We moved to NJ for a career opportunity and family support with the children as we had none from him family. 

3 Years ago in September I thought things were great. Sex is never an issue, but he was very unhappy with his job. He forgot my birthday, and instead of making it up to me he decided to go for a "guys" weekend with is cousins in Atlantic City. I had a VERY bad feeling, started going through the phone records and through research I found a girl he was have an EA with via internet. He was confronted and was "devastated" and said he would never do that again. There was sex texting involved as well. We had a brief stint with MC and moved forward. 

August 2010, (he had been out of work 16 months by this time) he was very moody, distant, on the computer for all hours, sleeping all day, depressed etc. Again, I had a bad feeling so I woke up around 5AM searched through his phone and found out he was having an EA with his "first love" from FL on Facebook. I found devastating texts, and found a sexual video email. When confronted he flipped, told me he didn't love me, etc. He packed up and left to Maine. His whole world fell apart because unfortunately my boys found out and his son refused to talk to him. My son left him a message saying he F'N hated him. He lost his family in a matter of hours. I confronted the ex, I was messaging her and her husband saw the messages. She apologized and said she was working things out with her WH and would never talk to mine again. In the meantime my WH apologized, said he did love me and was talking out of anger, etc. Said he would do anything to save our family. (BTW, we had just filed for primary residence for his son because he wanted to live with us in NJ). We went to MC which turned into IC and he is on Zoloft now to deal with depression, etc. He stopped seeing C in December but continued with his psychiatrist.

Sunday morning (after a weekend of love, affection, and passionate sex) again I had that funny feeling for some reason and I found a sheet to activate a Prepaid cell phone. I confronted him, he denied everything, acted like all was fine all day. When I pushed the issue "calmly" he finally admitted "he was looking into it" which was a lie. Monday he finally admitted he had the phone and said he wasn't happy and loved me but not in love with me.  He wants the marriage to end. Denies any wrong doing. 

We sat down today to discuss property, finances, discussion of how to tell the children, when he would move, etc. I have about 15K in loans for him under my name for the court and lawyer fees for his son. He just now tells me he is thinking about going to Maine for the weekend, leaving Thursday to Sunday. (Friday is my 40th birthday - great one right?).

I think he is planning to move to ME which will destroy our children and financially will be devastating to me and leaves me responsible with EVERYTHING. 

I am literally sick to my stomach, destroyed, feeling like I am living in a nightmare that I can't wake from. I don't know how to cope with this.....any kind words and advise is totally appreciated.


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## solitudeseeker (May 1, 2011)

Your story is familiar. My husband also had an intense EA and then several PAs, plus committing financial shenanigans. We separated two months ago after 19 years together, and will divorce.

It hurts a lot. Take it one day at a time - sometimes one hour at a time is all we can focus on. I suggest talking quickly with a lawyer and finding out what you need to do to protect yourself financially. I am in a similar situation where I fear he could dump his debts on me.

Gather your family and friends around you. You'll need them. Best wishes to you.


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## fool for love (Sep 20, 2011)

Right now I am very alone, I really don't have anyone to talk to. We aren't telling anyone until he decides where he will live so we can tell the children first. I can't afford a lawyer and I don't want to sound naive but I think he will respect me in that aspect enough to not leave me totally high and dry and honor his debt. It will just be very hard a first since I will have to move to a place where the rent is less expensive and start cutting down expenses. 

Does it sound stupid of me to say that I would still consider R because I am still in love? Should I truly just throw in the towel? I feel like a walking zombie, not knowing what I should truly do. I will of course not force someone to stay but should I even think about mentioning R?


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## Soccerfan73 (Jul 30, 2011)

fool for love said:


> Right now I am very alone, I really don't have anyone to talk to. We aren't telling anyone until he decides where he will live so we can tell the children first. I can't afford a lawyer and I don't want to sound naive but* I think he will respect me in that aspect enough to not leave me totally high and dry and honor his debt. I*t will just be very hard a first since I will have to move to a place where the rent is less expensive and start cutting down expenses.
> 
> Does it sound stupid of me to say that I would still consider R because I am still in love? Should I truly just throw in the towel? I feel like a walking zombie, not knowing what I should truly do. I will of course not force someone to stay but should I even think about mentioning R?


Be careful. The guy hasn't shown much ability to be any degree of loyal to this point.


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## fool for love (Sep 20, 2011)

Thanks soccerfan73, I will be. As the days go by I just keep preparing myself because he may just walk away completely. Only time will tell. If that does happen, I will have to "man up" even though I am a woman....and handle my business and make sure my children are taken care of they way they should be and do what I have to do so that we are safe and secure. 

He knows that if he does not do right by them or me, it will not be pretty. I am a VERY forgiving and flexible person but NOT a fool, just a fool for love. When it comes down to business I will not be taken advantage of. 

I just need to get a handle on my emotions as the "details" will eventually work out. I just go from feeling extremely angry, to extremely sad, my self esteem is the lowest it has been ever in my life, to wanting to do whatever it takes to save my marriage if he is willing, to wanting to throw him out the door and never see him again. I'm all over the place and I hate feeling this way because it is not me. I am a professional, good mother, good wife, good friend, and can handle my business but I am not used to being an emotional roller coaster. 

I feel like I am loosing my mind and myself.....


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