# Husband and Online



## funtimes (Sep 15, 2012)

My husband is online a lot and sometimes he looks at girls that are either naked or barely dressed. He used to look at porn but I asked him to stop because 1. our computer crashed from a virus from it and 2. it really hurts my feelings. I haven't seen any evidence of him watching porn since, but the pictures still bother me. Sometimes I am sitting on the couch across from him and I later find out that is what he is looking at. He isn't looking at it while masturbating. Should this be bothering me? I always feel like I'm not good enough. Like, I am right here and available. It makes me not want to have sex with him. The only time I say no to him is when our son is awake. How would he feel if I sat here and looked at naked men while he is cooking dinner? Please help!


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## sharkeey (Apr 27, 2012)

funtimes said:


> How would he feel if I sat here and looked at naked men while he is cooking dinner?


Ask him.


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## lovingsummer (Jul 27, 2012)

My H openly admits that he wouldn't like it if I was looking at other men, especially ones that are opposite of him. Yet, he does it :scratchhead:


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## Drover (Jun 11, 2012)

From a man's point of view it's probably only going to bother him if you look at the porn and then refuse sex with him. If you get turned on and then give him sex, he'll love it. If you watch it with him, he'll love it. Does he refuse you sex?


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## 40isthenew20 (Jul 12, 2012)

Guys are horny all the time and will use every fleeting mount to perv. Looking at hot women online is just an easy outlet, even if just to get yourself Horner for sex or masturbation later that evening. 

If my wife was looking at pics of hot guys online (but not dating sites, just regular random photos), I would make sure to tell er to keep at it so she's looking forward to the end of te night with me. 

I have no insecurity issues with my wife and it is a sign of low self confidence and immaturity if a husband ges annoyed with that. 

Women are emotionally different, so I can't speak for them, of course.


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

Ugh...I feel your pain! My H did something very similar; but would refuse me sexually, as well, so that he could spend his time masturbating in private. I felt so rejected I pretty much went off the deep end, emotionally. I even saw a medical doctor, convinced I was cracking up. When he saw how much it was hurting me, he finally gave it up. I can understand young men getting off on looking at pictures of women like that; but at nearly 50 years of age, married with a very willing partner??? Juvenile.


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## funtimes (Sep 15, 2012)

It bothers me because it makes me feel like I'm not good enough. It makes ME not want to sleep with him. I've had issues with past relationships where the guys were verbally abusive and it has hurt my self confidence. I told him about this when we started dating. And it's not like I've let myself go or anything. I am a size 3. At night, I wear a thong and tank top. He sees me naked all the time. 

I talked to him last night. I said that it really hurts me that he is looking at these images. He said that it's not like it's porn, he's just browsing. I said it's not browsing when you are looking at pages and pages of the same thing for 20 minutes. I said it makes me feel like I'm not good enough and that I don't feel respected. He said he was sorry and that he would stop. But this morning I noticed he cleared the user history of the computer.


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## Chelle D (Nov 30, 2011)

If he's gonna look, he's gonna look. He cleared the history on browser, so that you wouldn't get your feelings hurt.


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## shenox (Sep 12, 2012)

nearly all men doing it.. Maybe it is normal.
so you don't get upset.


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## funtimes (Sep 15, 2012)

Deleted history to me doesn't mean he doesn't want to hurt my feelings. Means to me that he doesn't want to get caught.

And "nearly all men doing it" doesn't make it right. I can't help the way I feel. Believe me, I don't want to be upset, but I am. And he needs to respect that. If I was doing something he found upsetting, I would stop in a heartbeat. I want mutual respect.


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## Drover (Jun 11, 2012)

funtimes said:


> Deleted history to me doesn't mean he doesn't want to hurt my feelings. Means to me that he doesn't want to get caught.
> 
> And "nearly all men doing it" doesn't make it right. I can't help the way I feel. Believe me, I don't want to be upset, but I am. And he needs to respect that. If I was doing something he found upsetting, I would stop in a heartbeat. I want mutual respect.


So you don;t want to be upset, yet you go out of your way to find out if he's doing something that's upsetting to you?


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## funtimes (Sep 15, 2012)

I wasn't going out of my way. I went into the history to find a website I used the day before and I saw what I saw.


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## anotherguy (Dec 14, 2011)

funtimes said:


> ... I asked him to stop because 1. our computer crashed from a virus from it and 2. it really hurts my feelings.


you have it backwards. Hurt feelings should be #1. crashed computer should be... I dont know.... #53.

And yes - deleting history is just a coverup. I am totally with you on this. Nobody wants to feel like they are playing 2nd fiddle to porn.

Somewhere is a happy middle ground here though. 

I admit I view porn sometimes... and the wife and I have sex close to every other day, and it is always good. If I masturbate to a picture, its like a prop... not a replacement for my wife. 

Let me ask you... do you have a vibrator? I gave my wife a big, machanical-rabbit-vibrator-thing- with-beads-inside-that-swirl. Yikes. I was very nervous and uncomfortable with it before I gave it to her (I heard a comment that her 'little pal' that someone gave her at the weding shower 20 years ago was broken) - but I realized that was just my own insecurity leaking through. We dont talk about it, but I asked her once if it works and she got a big smile on her face and said 'yeah. It works. It really eats batteries.' I bet my jaw hit the floor. Too funny. Let me tell you - I couldnt be happier that it 'works'.

It may not be easy - but I'd suggest trying to not be jealous of it if that is part of it. Clearly you feelings are important and Im not trying to minimize them... but do you think insecurity has anything to do with what you are feeling? Do you think your hubby should never masterbate, or if he does... what?

The problem with porn for some people though, is that it can get compulsive and lead in, uhm, less than savory directions. Other than that - I do not see a big diference between visual stimuli for a guy and physical (vibrator) stimuli for a woman.

How about nekid pics of his wife.  I am only partly kidding!


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## funtimes (Sep 15, 2012)

I do have a vibrator, however, I use it with him. We have sex often so I don't need it other than that. We bought it together. I don't mind if he masturbates when I'm not available to him. If I'm available though, he should be coming to me. That's my issue. If I am here and sitting on the other couch, he shouldn't be looking at other women online. I know I have insecurities and he knows that too. In previous relationships I was verbally abused and I was cheated on. We talked the other night and things seem to be better. Hopefully it lasts.


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## DocHoliday (Jan 19, 2012)

CandieGirl said:


> Ugh...I feel your pain! My H did something very similar; but would refuse me sexually, as well, so that he could spend his time masturbating in private. I felt so rejected I pretty much went off the deep end, emotionally. I even saw a medical doctor, convinced I was cracking up. When he saw how much it was hurting me, he finally gave it up. I can understand young men getting off on looking at pictures of women like that; but at nearly 50 years of age, married with a very willing partner??? Juvenile.


This is a problem that I know many people face, but few deal with. (addiction to pornography). I did not think it was such a big deal until I started reading about it, and found my husband experiencing some symptoms. You are right, as the spouse of someone tho views lots of porn - and has issues --it is very easy to blame yourself.

There are many sites out there that can help, and explain the downsides way better than I can. 

I am so glad that you husband had the ability to stop for the marriage.


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## WalterWhite (Sep 14, 2012)

Looking at porn is cheating. 

Looking at porn breaks the marriage vows.

Looking at porn in front of your spouse (same room or cooking dinner) is the making of this statement: "Wife, I have no respect for you, you stupid idiot beetch".

A wife that tolerates such degrading behavoir has no self respect.

There is no other way to view this.


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## Chelle D (Nov 30, 2011)

WalterWhite said:


> Looking at porn is cheating.
> 
> Looking at porn breaks the marriage vows.
> 
> ...


Wow.. no wiggle room in that opinion.

I disagree completely. I know that hubby watches porn on line. No, not when I right there.. but it's in the browser history.

Sure, sometimes, when I'm feeling sorry for myself, it kinda hurts. But, I also know that I am no spring chicken & my body is not nice like it used to be. If he looks at them & thinks of me, I guess I'm okay with it most of the time.


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