# No Sex in the Marriage



## mssherlock22 (Oct 27, 2011)

What is the general opinion regarding sex in a long-term marriage(over 30+years). 
Does it seem odd to you men who answer posts that a husband would not want to have sex with his wife (at all!!) for 12 or more years?
This happened to a good friend of mine. 
Just for the info, she has kept herself up physically (exercises, wears make-up & up-to-date clothing) & the rest of the marriage seems extremely close. They do almost everything together, laugh & talk to each other, & seem to be best friends.


----------



## ncooke (Nov 4, 2011)

mssherlock22 said:


> What is the general opinion regarding sex in a long-term marriage(over 30+years).
> Does it seem odd to you men who answer posts that a husband would not want to have sex with his wife (at all!!) for 12 or more years?
> This happened to a good friend of mine.
> Just for the info, she has kept herself up physically (exercises, wears make-up & up-to-date clothing) & the rest of the marriage seems extremely close. They do almost everything together, laugh & talk to each other, & seem to be best friends.


No, it's not odd at all. Thousands of years of evolution are conspiring against women aged 35 and higher. A great deal of a man's sexual attraction to his wife is determined by her reproductive viability. He evaluates this subconsciously (as does she). When she was 25 he probably could barely keep his hands off her. At 35, she's a poor reproductive partner, statistically speaking. That's nature. He doesn't decide that he's not into her anymore, his subconscious just isn't pushing him to get her naked all the time, because there's nothing more to gain there.

People need to understand and accept that nature is not always going to be the driving force of your sex life. Like most aspects of a marriage, it takes work!


----------



## CrayinNH (Aug 7, 2011)

I can relate although it hasn't been years for me "yet". I'm going on six months now and my husband never wants it yet he's looking at porn oh and ordering porn online (then lies about it). We've been married for 16 years; we are only in our late 30's. So, I get what you're saying. It makes me a miserable person that's for sure. Yes, I try talking to him but it ends up in an arguement. He claims it's probably his medication (for depression) and I would've believed him until I found out about the porn situation.


----------



## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

What if your husband has a vasectomy...does he still care about fertility? lol. I'm 35, look younger than that and have a fabulous sex life.

Twelve years is a long time  Does he have ED? Is he having an affair?


----------



## mssherlock22 (Oct 27, 2011)

I don't know about the ED-it is probably possible.
What should she do? She loves him very much & the marriage is great in all other areas.
However, it seems cruel that she has to do without any physical signs of affection for the next possibley 40 years of her life. He never even hugs her without her instigating it.
He seems to have a "don't ask so don't tell" attitude about any possible outside sexual activities on her part.


----------



## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

that_girl said:


> What if your husband has a vasectomy...does he still care about fertility? lol. I'm 35, look younger than that and have a fabulous sex life.
> 
> Twelve years is a long time  Does he have ED? Is he having an affair?


yeah, my H's drive went up after his vasectomy, or mine did, either way the idea of NOT getting pregnant excited both of us!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## MandyT (Nov 5, 2011)

I've been married for 16 years. Last 5 years I've spent in almost sexless marriage. I felt miserable, unhappy and tired. Home duties, job, kids, always the same.... My husband didn't have any initiative for a long time. I decided to do something, first to organize better and to save my marriage. I've stumbled on this page and got this book and it helped me being more happy and satisfied woman and wife. I have an initiative now and my husband is thrilled. I would recommend every woman to have this 

Jack


----------



## MaybeItsMe? (Oct 26, 2011)

Wow i wish my wife was worried about us having no sex like you ladies are! My wife and I are 29 with no kids and no money worries and we hadly ever have sex, maybe twice in the last 12 months. Sadly she also has other issues with me that she says is the reason she doesnt want it but I have to be honest I think she just can't be bothered and would rather watch TV and also uses it to try and upset / control me in a passive way. Anyway there is more to life than sex, yes i miss being close to her but if she doesn't want it then there is nothing I can do sadly.

She keeps saying she is going the leave but never does a part of me hopes she will just do it one day.


----------



## rotor (Aug 28, 2010)

ncooke said:


> No, it's not odd at all. Thousands of years of evolution are conspiring against women aged 35 and higher. A great deal of a man's sexual attraction to his wife is determined by her reproductive viability. He evaluates this subconsciously (as does she). When she was 25 he probably could barely keep his hands off her. At 35, she's a poor reproductive partner, statistically speaking. That's nature. He doesn't decide that he's not into her anymore, his subconscious just isn't pushing him to get her naked all the time, because there's nothing more to gain there.
> 
> People need to understand and accept that nature is not always going to be the driving force of your sex life. Like most aspects of a marriage, it takes work!


You have got to be kidding. :rofl: Women only just start to get hot at about 35.

With regards to the OP’s question. That is not normal. For a situation to go on that long I would suspect he is either asexual or gay and in denial. The fact that they are perfect in every way except for sex seems to also fit the pattern of most romantic asexual or closeted gay relationships.

Regards,

rotor


----------



## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

I am friends with a couple who have been married for 26 years. Even in the beginning, the wife wasn't that into having sex with her husband. She told me, "I married D__ for his intellect, not the sex part." Actually, they get along very well, never had kids, travel all over the world, and enjoy each other's company.

Neither are bi- or gay. They just don't figure sex into the equation of their marriage. No affairs. No porn viewing. Both are highly successful, well-educated people. 

Go figure ... to each his own.


----------



## Lydia (Sep 4, 2011)

Perhaps he doesn't feel attractive? Or has some form of ED? It can even be psychological.


----------



## RDJ (Jun 8, 2011)

ncooke said:


> No, it's not odd at all. Thousands of years of evolution are conspiring against women aged 35 and higher. A great deal of a man's sexual attraction to his wife is determined by her reproductive viability. He evaluates this subconsciously (as does she). When she was 25 he probably could barely keep his hands off her. At 35, she's a poor reproductive partner, statistically speaking. That's nature. He doesn't decide that he's not into her anymore, his subconscious just isn't pushing him to get her naked all the time, because there's nothing more to gain there.
> 
> People need to understand and accept that nature is not always going to be the driving force of your sex life. Like most aspects of a marriage, it takes work!


That is a crock! Just for the record here, I have been married to my wife for close to 31 years. I desire her today as much as ever. I desire her on every level. 

*reproductive viobility* ?? With all due respect, don't be too surprised if you fall short of a real LTR.


----------



## ncooke (Nov 4, 2011)

RDJ said:


> That is a crock! Just for the record here, I have been married to my wife for close to 31 years. I desire her today as much as ever. I desire her on every level.
> 
> *reproductive viobility* ?? With all due respect, don't be too surprised if you fall short of a real LTR.


I've been with my wife for 12 years.

If your sex life at 50(?) hasn't diminished from what it was at 20, you are either both marvels of science, or you've both made a commendable effort towards keeping your sex life so active. In either case - I'm happy for you, but understand that for most people, screwing like twentysomethings at fiftysomething doesn't happen without some work.

In my experience, there's a great deal to gain by understanding and accepting the science behind your body's impulses, and how age affects them.

ETA: It looks like a lot of people in this thread alone have experienced what I'm talking about.


----------



## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

ncooke said:


> I've been with my wife for 12 years.
> 
> If your sex life at 50(?) hasn't diminished from what it was at 20, you are either both marvels of science, or you've both made a commendable effort towards keeping your sex life so active. In either case - I'm happy for you, but understand that for most people, screwing like twentysomethings at fiftysomething doesn't happen without some work.
> 
> ...


So women have an expiration date after 35?


----------



## ncooke (Nov 4, 2011)

Therealbrighteyes said:


> So women have an expiration date after 35?


You've been here long enough, and read enough posts, to know that's not what I'm saying.

But I will say that it's exceedingly foolish (even destructive) to pretend that both men and women are immune to changes in our sex lives (drive _and_ function) as we age.


----------



## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Prodigal,
Very rare for a male to have basically no drive. Why are you so confident that he has no sex life (no porn, no escorts)?
I only ask because Unless you have a key logger on ALL his computers and or 100 pct visibility into his schedule you can't be so sure.
That said I accept there may be guys like that but they are a very small fraction of the population.



TE=Prodigal;472745]I am friends with a couple who have been married for 26 years. Even in the beginning, the wife wasn't that into having sex with her husband. She told me, "I married D__ for his intellect, not the sex part." Actually, they get along very well, never had kids, travel all over the world, and enjoy each other's company.

Neither are bi- or gay. They just don't figure sex into the equation of their marriage. No affairs. No porn viewing. Both are highly successful, well-educated people. 

Go figure ... to each his own.[/QUOTE]
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------

