# Betrayed and desperate - please help



## Demitria (Jun 5, 2011)

Hello everyone,
I am new here and in need of some guidance.

First off please please please.. if anyone isn't understanding of my problem and doesn't see why I am feeling so bad and betrayed then please be nice. I don't need to be made to feel worse.

My problem is regarding my husband viewing porn.

If you are one of these ladies that doesn't see men viewing porn as a problem and cannot understand certain women's insecurities regarding this please either don't post or just be nice. Admitedly I am a insecure woman for many reasons. I have read where other women have had a right go at other women on forums because they are feeling bad their husband has viewed porn. Things like ' what's your problem' ' you need to get a grip'

Sorry for sounding 'off' I don't mean to be i just know how fragile I feel at the moment.

Anyway, My husband watched porn 3 times after knowing full well I detest it. I also have personal grievances with it. He use to use porn constantly in his past marriage due to not having any closeness or sex from her. My husband always knew my insecurites with porn and told me many many times he would never need porn again because I made him so happy and he knew porn was for saddos - (His words, not mine)

Since this year started I have had terrible amounts of stress. My Mum and Brother have disowned me. My Dad died on my birthday, We have had a lot of trouble with neighbours who are soon to be kicked out. My eldest presented me with some terrible, heartbreaking news (she's 16) and generally my depression has taking a hold of me pretty badly. I am currently on higher mgs to try to help and I am awaiting anger management and counselling.

My husband used to reassure me that porn would never come back into his life again. He was more than satisfied with me and if need be photos and little videos he had of 'us'. 

So I found out 2/3 months ago he viewed porn 3 times. At the time I was depressed and going through turmoil and our sexual relationship had dwindled. We were always sexually satisfied with each other and had a very healthy appetite. However for about 2 months I lost my libido and was going through a lot of negativity. We did argue quite a lot too. My husband always gave me the impression he knew how badly I'd be affected if he started back on is porn addiction. Yes he did this. After years of not doing it he started agaion all because I wasn't feeling good about life and I was depressed. Still am, if not worse. I have gone through and keep going through anger, betrayel and sadness. I don't feel I can forgive him, ever. This worries me. I am so angry that he used 1 of my top insecurities and basicaslly kicked me in the teeth with it. 

The last couple of months have been awful. We've argued so much about it. He has left a few times but then he comes back because he starts being really nice begging me and telling me how much he know he's hurt me. Within a week he becomes complacent again and I am still feeling angry. 

Will I ever be able to move on? I did a hell of a lot for my husband over the years. Supported him through thick and thin. He hasn't seen his 2 other kids for around 4 years. I helped him through court cases. I helped him with letters, solicitors. I counselled him and have been a very good,giving wife. To top it off if it wasn't for me he'd most probably be in prison by now, a drunk or at least, a very lonely man.

I feel betrayed, hurt, disgusted, sad and so very angry.

What can I do? Has anyone else been through this? I hope you will help. Sorry for such a long post. Feeling so helpless.

Thank you all for reading and please.. be nice

Susi x


----------



## wemogirl (May 31, 2011)

I'm so sorry for all you're going through right now. I'm also sorry for all you've been through the last few months (especially the loss of your dad). I lost my mom last year and it's so hard. ((hugs))

Has he done this again since you've found out about it? I can't imagine how hurt you must be but if he hasn't done it again, maybe he realizes what a big deal it is to you and is willing to stop. I hope that is the case and the anger management and counseling are able to help you get through this as well.

I'm sorry I don't have any real good advice - just cyber hugs.


----------



## 2xloser (May 8, 2011)

You need to treat it like any other addiction, and almost like he's had an affair. Unfortunately, this happens to be an addiction you despise -- but really, if he were addicted to drugs or alcohol, would you hate that any less? 

Stand by him *provided* he goes and gets help. Go with him. If he stops seeking outside help, or stops working at it, do a complete 180 and, assuming it is that important to you, tell him you will not stand for it. And then, don't stand for it. Not even once.


----------

