# it gets greater later



## mike82 (Oct 24, 2011)

hello all,

its been along time since ive been on here. i couldnt even remember my password lol. last summer my ex wife had an emotional affair and we seperated in august, hard to believe its almost been a year WOW. defenitly my most trying year in 30 yrs on this planet. i tried and tried to save my family for the sake of my three young boys but my exwife could of cared less. i made all of the classic mistakes begging and pleading like a damn fool. i wish i could go back in time and smack the **** out of myself,lol. i learned alot about myself in the past year. i made it through the storm and im still here. i went through so many dark days all alone in a home i once shared with my exwife of 7 years and three children. i would cry myself to sleep and pray things would get better. it got so low at one point in january i almost contenplated ending my life, damn sure glad i didnt but i came close. going thru the holidays last yr was terrible and depressing. you get so used to your life being one way and then bam, its turned upside down. best comparison i could give is like a death of someone close. i remember having so much anxiety i could feel my heart beating in my throat every minute of the day. i sit here now thinking back to those dark days and i remember thinking god if i could just not think about this for ten minutes i would empty out my bank account, i was so mentally exhausted from thinking every waking moment about my exwife and the pain i felt. i was a good husband, and a wonderful father to my children, and still am and always will be. i have my children half the week and she does as well. she moved to her moms after leaving me and life hasnt exactly worked the way she planned, her EA partner wanted nuthing to do with a woman with three kids so he split. my ex wife is the most selfish woman ive ever met and sure as hell would never admit that she made a mistake, but i see a sadness in her, shes not happy and i dont think she ever will be. shes always had an emptyness in her, its always been there but i often wonder what goes on in her head to tramatize our children the way she has. i wish her the best i really do, i never thought months ago i would be able to say that, but ive gotten to that point, and its been such a weight off my shoulders. me on the other hand i met countless woman late last yr and earlier this year but had no connection with any of them, other than physically. none of them changed my perception of woman after my divorce. but then in febuary i met an amazing woman. i moved very slow with her and even put a wall up and pushed her away in the begining months, it was a defense mechanism put up by me not to have an attachment or connection. but lucky for me she saw past that and knew it wasnt the real me. she has been so good to me and looks at me with love in her eyes that i have never expirenced in my entire life. my ex wife never loved me half as much as this woman does. when i was married i had 4 very serious knee surgeries and my exwife never even went to the hospital with me for them. about a month ago my appendix began to burst and i was hospitalized for a couple days and this woman slept in a chair next to my hospital bed for 2 days. she would walk to hell and back for me and i would for her as well. i recently introduced her to my children after very much thought and consideration. they love her and she loves them as well. she gives them attention and plays on the floor with them, something they are not used to as my ex wife was always to busy with school work. everything is going great. i could never have imagined this a year ago, i thought i lost the love of my life, but the truth is i had never found her yet. im still sad at times for my children that they dont have a structure of a regular family but the truth is i was shorted for so long, my exwife never appriciated or truely loved me, she used me to get her masters degree then left. had she not done that i would have never met this woman who i love so much. my point of this post is to just let everyone who is in the begining or later stages of the hell through a seperation or divorce is that it does get better hang in there and keep fighting, i damn near quit on life and im so happy i didnt. things happen for reasons that we dont know sometimes, and i didnt want to here that when i was going through my seperation, but i finally understand now. sorry this was so long, i hope it gives hope to those of you in the storm, you deserve better than a cheater and somewhere out there is someone that would never do that to you. the woman im with now was abused, and cheated on by her exhusband for 13 yrs. she was never treated right either. i saved her as much as she saved me. it gets greater later stay strong


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## Orpheus (Jul 6, 2012)

mike, thanks for the good news! it's great to hear a report from the other side as so many of us are still in the trenches. 

best of luck with everything!


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## Left With 4.5 (Aug 4, 2012)

This is my very first post. I've been lurking here for a couple of weeks, getting inspiration from a lot of people here. Thank you so much for posting this. I just served papers to my husband a couple of days ago and I feel everything you did in the beginning. This gives me inspiration to go on and make the best of what I have now.


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