# starving



## samatha (Mar 2, 2016)

my husband and I have been together for more than 20 yrs, our sex life has always been great, till 3 yrs ago, he doesn't do foreplay, he thinks if hes ready then i am too we buy more K-Y we should buy stock in the company. the only way I can climax is oral sex with him and honestly after 3 ys of it it gets old . how can I explain to him to slow down? I've had the talks but when I say I need you to slow down your touch, there's more of me than 3 spots. a woman wants her back rubbed, stroke her hair kiss her neck... he says well you don't do this and that! so I give up I'm about ready to have an affair please help:crying:


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

what does he say when you ask him to go back to the days he actually made love to you, rather than just having sex?


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## samatha (Mar 2, 2016)

I haven't asked him to make love to me but I will tonight, never thought of that actually thank you


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

samatha said:


> he says well you don't do this and that.....


What's he talking about here? Are you looking to receive without giving?


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

So for 17 years it was all great then he became a bad lover? If this is true then there is more to the story.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

samatha said:


> I haven't asked him to make love to me but I will tonight, never thought of that actually thank you


Real communication and compromise is the key. Start with baby steps that he can handle and break things you want down into small tasks.

If you say you want a backrub so be it, but remember that it might take time for him to develop a good technique. So maybe a back rub get's broken down to laying down with you, lightly rubbing oil on your back. Then after he get's that down, working on lightly massaging to work out knots in you neck/shoulders. Then to do it in a way that you find sensual.

Remember that even if you talk to him, he will have 3 years of habit to break. Conditioning is a powerful force. You need to help him by reinforcing the new behavior you like from him. That may mean that you too will need to change how you respond and what foreplay means to you. 

Good luck.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

1. Find out what the "this or that" that your husband accuses you of not doing, and then do them frequently.

2. Grab the coconut oil and have him lay down on the bed naked and give him a full body massage. Nice and slow. Start at the feet, as his lays on his stomach and work your way up. Slide your hands under his hips making him think you're going there but don't go there. Work his gluteals well. As you get to his back start talking slowly about how nice it is to just slow down and give each other pleasure without a race to the finish line. Then after you've work his back and arms have him roll over and repeat the whole procedure again making him think your going there but you just barely graze the area. By now he should have a raging election. Move to his chest and talk very gently about how erotic and exciting it is to experience having his whole body attended to even though he doesn't need the long build up to get there. Fellate him for a bit then hop on and ride him into the sunset.

3. You need to know what it is you need from him exactly. Flirting before you get to the bedroom? If so start doing that without waiting for him to start it. Fondling and caressing before the clothes come off? If so then again, start fondling him before you get to the bedroom. My bet is that once you start doing these things he will happily join in and then he will start doing these things.

When it comes to sex, know thyself. Yes it would be great if husbands read the same dirty stories we read but they think we should watch the same porn they watch. We are different and the only way to bridge that gap is by knowing what you need and then doing it.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
do you think there are sexual things he wants but isn't getting? Does he actively turn you down when you ask him to go slow or does he just seem to forget to do it?


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

I'm doing some research on a marriage class that my fiance and I are about to sign up for, and in it ...it talks about how marriages tend to unravel, when both people view the marriage in terms of 'what's in it for me?' There should always be a desire to do for the other, to do what's in the best interest of the marriage, and not one's self. Granted, if there is cheating involved, etc...that's a deal breaker for my fiance and me, but I'm speaking of the day to day things, including sex. If two people are always seeking to get their needs met ...'well, I went down on you, so you should go down on me,' etc...for example, you'll end up with a pretty selfish marriage. That's the thing that has always scared me about marriage, honestly. I've tended to see couples who think they own the other person, and once they marry, they feel they have a right to expect all of these things, that they didn't expect when dating. Marriage should be more about mutually pleasing one another and not so much 'what's in it for me.' I get the sense OP, that your husband just looks at his own needs sexually (it seems from your story) and doesn't consider yours. And you're not looking for a back rub, etc...out of obligation, you want him to want to please you. That is what seems to be lacking.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

*Deidre* said:


> ...'well, I went down on you, so you should go down on me,' etc...for example, you'll end up with a pretty selfish marriage. That's the thing that has always scared me about marriage, honestly.


 @deidre

...so after 20 years of marriage, I will rub my wife's back (grabbing her butt a little in the process), and then I will EXPECT a back rub in return. My wife looks at me and smiles super big, because I do not realize that when I pulled back the covers to rub her back and grab her butt that this has made her a little cold, and now she can't wait to warm up her icy hands on my back! 

...my point is, generally speaking things find a way to work themselves out so that one person gets what is coming to them when they try to be selfish!

Cheers, 
Badsanta


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

badsanta said:


> @deidre
> 
> ...so after 20 years of marriage, I will rub my wife's back (grabbing her butt a little in the process), and then I will EXPECT a back rub in return. My wife looks at me and smiles super big, because I do not realize that when I pulled back the covers to rub her back and grab her butt that this has made her a little cold, and now she can't wait to warm up her icy hands on my back!
> 
> ...


 haha ...it sounds like you and your wife are NOT selfish, which is why it just.......flows. 0


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

WorkingOnMe said:


> What's he talking about here? Are you looking to receive without giving?


That caught my eye as well.


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