# I think my wife chose me because it was convenient?



## ju1ced (Jun 19, 2010)

Hi there...if anything, I'm just using this thread as a way to vent some frustrations inside, but I suppose you never know when you'll get some good advice from it. 

I'm a 34yr old male and have been married for close to two years, and have a 4 month old daughter. I also started a new job about 6 months ago which has been very stressful and on top of that my wife is "unhappy" and also says other hurtful things on top of it. Furthermore, our sex life is practically non-existent and never really was. 

I'm probably not "Dad Of The Year" but I certainly love my daughter and try to contribute as much as I can. She "doesn't want to hear it" about my demanding job and have little avenue to vent to. Earlier today I asked my boss for a raise (based on the piles of responsibility) and I was denied and I told my wife about it and suggested that perhaps I may be on the wrong path in my line of work and I should possibly explore other potential careers. She told me that I need to stay in one line of work and just deal with it because I am not going to be successful like I think I one day will be. On top of that she said that she is "forcing it (the relationship)" for the sake of the baby. She even mentioned that she's "embarrassed to be a ______ (my last name)." 

I know that she says these rude things for the sake of reaction, but I'm wondering if this relationship is even possibly salvageable? We've been down the counseling road before in which we didn't stick with long term, but even getting her to a counselor I feel at this point would be tough. 

My options I suppose are to try to kill her with kindness (so-to-speak) and try to maybe become more romantic, or apologize and move on...but I feel like her expectations and visions of a perfect man are likely unrealistic. Should I try to even try a counseling session again. 

I feel backed into a corner. I love my wife and I love my baby, and hate to jeopardize anything by commencing a separation, but do I continue to create misery for her...and myself? Also, I take my job seriously for the sake of my family and my family's financial stability/future - not for the greed as she accused me of. As the subject to this thread I'm not sure my wife even really loved me from the start? I feel like maybe I caught her at a time where we both wanted something more and maybe we were both tired of dating and it moved rather quickly and here we are with an adorable baby and a failing marriage. 

Thanks for letting me vent. I'm somewhat relieved to have stumbled across this site and realize that I'm not alone in my challenges that I face with my wife.


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## Susan2010 (Apr 19, 2010)

ju1ced, those are some pretty harsh things for a wife to say, but you neglected to tell us why she says them or what she means by them. You question us about continuing to make misery for her, but in what way do you create misery for her? More details, please. You were in counseling. It was only a short period of time, but what did she express while there? She had to give some kind of reason(s) why she was so unhappy. Give us some insight, would ya? 

"_but I feel like her expectations and visions of a perfect man are likely unrealistic._"

What expectations and visions? What has she expressed she wants from you or wants you to be. I am so confused because you're all over the place but offer no details. You feel her expectations are unrealistic. Yet, she feels you work because you are greedy and will never be successful. That makes no sense. Explain pretty please.


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## Connie (Jun 18, 2010)

Well, if she is "unhappy" and you are too. That's just make the relationship more depressing. Laughter is contagious, you should try laughing with her even over the silliest things. 

My husband and I had our tough times before. I tend to blurted out things that are mean and negative about him. (Which half of it isn't true) Then I realize that I needed help. So I prayed for our relationship and I can say that it was a miracle that we both didn't fight and argue. Laughter begin to fill in and it makes such a difference just laughing together. So go on :Live, laugh, and love.


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## Rah (Jun 19, 2010)

You may need some space to figure out what you want to do. Don't feel guilty about how this may affect the child or your relationship because any alternative is better than the slow and painful death of a mans spirit in a relationship when he is in love and she wants to go.

Do what you have to do but take care of yourself as well.


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