# can my wife take my 1.5 year old twin kids away from me if they are not mine?



## Trappedin (Jul 30, 2012)

my wife told me that her affair has been going on for years and not just 6 months. she also told me that the kids are probably not mine and that she wants to do a dna test. if the dna tests comes back negative, then she will put her lover/coworker's name on the birth certificate and take away my parental rights. she said it is best for the children? 

can she do this? i love my kids. i take care of them, feed them, play with them. i want to watch them grow. i am still pretty certain that if they were not mine, i would still want to see them grow over the years. i love them. my wife told me that it would be selfish for me to stay in the picture. is it wrong for me to want to be their father even if my blood is not in them? that other guy makes more money but i still love them and give them everything i can. i am going to now go to a lawyer tomorrow but does anyone know what the law says?

if i am the father, then she will still be with him but share custody. i don't know what to do. please help.


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## Trappedin (Jul 30, 2012)

i am also applying for better jobs now. i have my bachelors so my income will be higher. will the judge consider this in deciding who gets to be the father?


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## thunderstruck (May 9, 2012)

Trappedin said:


> then she will put her lover/coworker's name on the birth certificate and take away my parental rights. she said it is best for the children?
> 
> that other guy makes more money


Best for the children? I can't answer your questions, but it kind of sounds like she wants the guy who makes more money to be on the hook for CS payments for the next 16+ years.


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## Trappedin (Jul 30, 2012)

thunderstruck said:


> Best for the children? I can't answer your questions, but it kind of sounds like she wants the guy who makes more money to be on the hook for CS payments for the next 16+ years.


but then i would not get to see them unless they let me right? can i be the father and he makes the payments?


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## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

If they're not yours and only 18 months old, I suggest you try your hardest to detach. It will only end in heartbreak if you try to remain in their lives otherwise.

This woman is unbelievably cruel.


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## Sara8 (May 2, 2012)

Trappedin said:


> my wife told me that her affair has been going on for years and not just 6 months. she also told me that the kids are probably not mine and that she wants to do a dna test. if the dna tests comes back negative, then she will put her lover/coworker's name on the birth certificate and take away my parental rights. she said it is best for the children?
> 
> can she do this? i love my kids. i take care of them, feed them, play with them. i want to watch them grow. i am still pretty certain that if they were not mine, i would still want to see them grow over the years. i love them. my wife told me that it would be selfish for me to stay in the picture. is it wrong for me to want to be their father even if my blood is not in them? that other guy makes more money but i still love them and give them everything i can. i am going to now go to a lawyer tomorrow but does anyone know what the law says?
> 
> if i am the father, then she will still be with him but share custody. i don't know what to do. please help.


I am so sorry. Your wife sounds very self centered and cruel.

You may be able to get some type of visitation rights given you raised them believing they were yours. 


But I agree, with complexity, it is in YOUR BEST INTEREST to detach and move on.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Trappedin said:


> my wife told me that her affair has been going on for years and not just 6 months. she also told me that the kids are probably not mine and that she wants to do a dna test. if the dna tests comes back negative, then she will put her lover/coworker's name on the birth certificate and take away my parental rights. she said it is best for the children?
> 
> can she do this? i love my kids. i take care of them, feed them, play with them. i want to watch them grow. i am still pretty certain that if they were not mine, i would still want to see them grow over the years. i love them. my wife told me that it would be selfish for me to stay in the picture. is it wrong for me to want to be their father even if my blood is not in them? that other guy makes more money but i still love them and give them everything i can. i am going to now go to a lawyer tomorrow but does anyone know what the law says?
> 
> if i am the father, then she will still be with him but share custody. i don't know what to do. please help.


You need to see an attorney NOW.

Is your name already on the birth certificates for the twins? I would assume that as her husband you signed them.

All children born to a woman are assumed to be the husband’s children. She cannot run a DNA test and then unilaterally change the name of the father on the birth certificates. You have rights. You are the legal father of these children. The fact that you are not only the legal father but their primary care giver puts you in a strong position.

What matters here is the best interest of the children. To take away the primary care giver of a young child is not in the child’s best interest. To introduce a new man into their lives is also not in their best interest.

If DNA tests are performed make sure that the test is not just done for the OM. There is no guarantee that she has only slept with him. So if she only has his DNA run, she could hide from him that she is slept around. Get a DNA test yourself as well. If the babies turn out to be not yours and not his, she could be left on a door step by herself… a just reward for her.

I do advise you to see an attorney to find out how your state handles this.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

thunderstruck said:


> Best for the children? I can't answer your questions, but it kind of sounds like she wants the guy who makes more money to be on the hook for CS payments for the next 16+ years.


She probably knows that she will be paying the OP CS and is looking for a way out of that.


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## Jibril (May 23, 2012)

I too agree with Complexity. You're best option, cruel though it may be, is to detach from the kids if they're not your own. You will only make this more difficult on yourself if you continue to bond with them.

In the meantime, you should be talking with lawyers. Get consultations, and learn your rights. Talk to your friends about this, and see if they can't help you. Talk to your family (and hers), and expose her affair. If the kids aren't your, then tell the families that as well. 

Don't sit around and mourn. You can't afford to do that now, since she dropped this bomb on you. Get the DNA test. Detach if they're not yours. All the while, get in touch with a lawyer, and get support from family and friends. You need to take charge, cuz you're wife is doing her best to keep you distressed under her foot.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

You do not need to wait for her to take a DNA test. Do one now so you know.


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> You do not need to wait for her to take a DNA test. Do one now so you know.


Yes. Go to a pharmacy store and buy a paternity test kit. They're usually the cheek swab one's. Do the testing and send the samples without telling your wife.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Trappedin said:


> i am also applying for better jobs now. i have my bachelors so my income will be higher. will the judge consider this in deciding who gets to be the father?


My heart is with you. I hope things turn out for the best for you.


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## survivorwife (May 15, 2012)

Trappedin said:


> my wife told me that her affair has been going on for years and not just 6 months. she also told me that the kids are probably not mine and that she wants to do a dna test. if the dna tests comes back negative, then she will put her lover/coworker's name on the birth certificate and take away my parental rights. she said it is best for the children?
> 
> can she do this? i love my kids. i take care of them, feed them, play with them. i want to watch them grow. i am still pretty certain that if they were not mine, i would still want to see them grow over the years. i love them. my wife told me that it would be selfish for me to stay in the picture. is it wrong for me to want to be their father even if my blood is not in them? that other guy makes more money but i still love them and give them everything i can. i am going to now go to a lawyer tomorrow but does anyone know what the law says?
> 
> if i am the father, then she will still be with him but share custody. i don't know what to do. please help.


Your wife is a cruel woman,but you probably knew that. As to the children that are "probably" (her words) not yours, did you ever suspect that they were not yours? Do they look like you? What I'm trying to point out that they could also "probably" be yours as well. A DNA test will reveal who the "biological daddy" is.

That being said, you are most certainly, at this very moment in time, their legal father. If the DNA indicate anything different, you are still their "legal" father, and as such, you do have a say in their future, unless you waive your paternal rights. That is entirely up to you.

Yes. Take the test. See a lawyer. Protect your "legal" rights. I have no doubt that you love those children, and they have bonded with you. Keep in mind that the Court will rule "in the best interest of the children". And there will probably be legal/financial consequences against the mother (fraud comes to mind) should the children not be your biological children.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

I'm in the crowd that says get the DNA test done 1st, then make a choice to fight for your rights or not.

Once you get the results back then you can make some real dicision with real information.

Now is all just assumtion on your wifes part.

Is it possible that one twin could be OM's and one twin be OP's?


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Yes do not rely on a test your wife does. You need to have an independent test of your own.

Trust me I have seen games played with this stuff.

It may be that she intends to snow you and these just might be your kids but she may want this OM and have you gone.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

the guy said:


> I'm in the crowd that says get the DNA test done 1st, then make a choice to fight for your rights or not.
> 
> Once you get the results back then you can make some real dicision with real information.
> 
> ...


Very good point. This does happen. Do DNA tests on both of the twins.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Trappedin said:


> my wife told me that her affair has been going on for years and not just 6 months. she also told me that the kids are probably not mine and that she wants to do a dna test. if the dna tests comes back negative, then she will put her lover/coworker's name on the birth certificate and take away my parental rights. she said it is best for the children?
> 
> can she do this? i love my kids. i take care of them, feed them, play with them. i want to watch them grow. i am still pretty certain that if they were not mine, i would still want to see them grow over the years. i love them. my wife told me that it would be selfish for me to stay in the picture. is it wrong for me to want to be their father even if my blood is not in them? that other guy makes more money but i still love them and give them everything i can. i am going to now go to a lawyer tomorrow but does anyone know what the law says?
> 
> if i am the father, then she will still be with him but share custody. i don't know what to do. please help.


_Well, yes, you should listen to your wife. After all, she is the expert in selfishness._ 

(Yes, I was being heavily ironical)


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> Very good point. This does happen. Do DNA tests on both of the twins.


But what if neither H OR the OM is the father?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

MattMatt said:


> But what if neither H OR the OM is the father?


This is why i suggested that not just let a test be run on the OM. 

If it's only run on the OM then all they will know it "NOT OM".

If it's run on both OP and OM and both are not the father, there is a completely different situation going on here. And I'll bet the OM will dump her behind in a heart beat.

Legally OP is the father of the twins because he was her husband at the time she gave birth. It does not matter who the biological father is.


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## OldWolf57 (Mar 20, 2012)

man its time to go fishing, you sure have lots of bait.


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## Fvstringpicker (Mar 11, 2012)

More than likely, she'll take the kids, shack up with lover boy somewhere 500 miles away and you'll get stuck with child support, medical expense, education cost and the like. You'd be better of in the long run if you just jettison this cargo, forget about flying standby and get yourself a new flight in first class.


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## Count of Monte Cristo (Mar 21, 2012)

Wow! Trappedin, your wife is making my ex look like a saint. My ex moved out, filed for divorce, took me for over $150K -- but she never displayed the evilness that your wife is showing you.

It's easy for a bunch of Internet strangers to tell you to detach from kids that for 18 months you thought were yours. That's a long time to bond with them and I think it would almost be like asking each and every one of us to detach from our children (regardless of where they are on the age continuum.) 

This is a tough call and only you can decide what's best for you. Good luck!


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

Trappedin said:


> my wife told me .... she also told me... if .. then she will ... she said ...
> 
> my wife told me ...


There's way way way too much in your thoughts of what she says or what she wants or what she will do. It is time for you to stop caring what she says or what she wants. She didn't give any concern to you when she was cheating, did she? She didn't give any concern to you when she let you think the kids were yours while she knew there was a possibility they weren't.

She isn't going to be a source of truth, support, or good will.



Trappedin said:


> is it wrong for me to want to be their father even if my blood is not in them?
> .
> .
> .
> i don't know what to do. please help.


NO! It is never wrong for you to want something. There are a few things which may be wrong to act out upon, like murder. But your emotions *just are*. Your desires just are what they are, and it is not wrong or shameful!!!!

To want to keep these small children in your life is the mark of a good father and a loving person. Even if they turn out not to be of your dna, whatever you desire is OK! If you want to keep them, it is ok. If you want to have nothing to do with them, it is OK.

I agree with the others who say if the kids are not yours then in the long run your life will likely be less stressful if you give them up. But that is your choice based on your situation. Giving up the kids would have some negatives, too. I can also see how a man could decide he is willing to take on the extra stress of keeping the kids because the positives involved would outweigh the added stress and complications.

My general impression is that courts are very reluctant to take away kids from the man who raised them. It usually is the opposite situation than yours, where the mom gets custody of the kids who were fathered by posom, and the high earning non-dna donor ex-husband is forced to pay child support to her! POSOM doesn't get custody nor does he pay child support.

Your lawyer will give you real information. But I think you can relax a bit today about this because probably things are in your favor in all aspects of your divorce and custody.

Get some exercise, eat healthy, don't drink alcohol. See your doc for some light anti-depressant and/or anti-anxiety meds if you're feeling overwhelmed.


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## costa200 (Jun 27, 2012)

the guy said:


> I'm in the crowd that says get the DNA test done 1st, then make a choice to fight for your rights or not.
> 
> Once you get the results back then you can make some real dicision with real information.
> 
> ...


Only if they are dizygotic twins (also called false twins because the genetic similarity is equal to normal brothers). If they are monozygotic twins that's not possible. You can tell one type from the other because dizygotic twins are only similar to one another as far as two normal siblings are. Monozygotic twins have the same exact genetic makeup and are physically identical.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

In Ebony magazine a couple of decades ago, it showed where a German woman had sex with a white man and black man on the same day. she had fraternal twins in which one was white and the other clearly mixed race. 

Maybe Ebony magazine has an online archive.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Banned..Was he a troll?


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## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

yep


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