# should I leave



## duppedtwice (Jun 5, 2012)

This is my second marriage first marriage husband cheated many times finally threw him out and waited almost ten years before I met and married again. I am very much in love with my husband. I dont feel we are on the same level. I mean he don't seem to be in love with me since six weeks after marriage. I want sex he will but seems like he don't. I am 5'2 and 140 pounds. He is not what he showed me before marriage. he was very loving attentive caring. very cold and unemotional now. To make a long story short I needed to go to the doctors he gave me the your killing me. I have a very bad arm three nerves dead. He is never really there for me. when I came home from having c section with our son I felt weird asking for help from him like I was imposing. I thought it was me but I now realize it cause he makes me feel that way. We tried counseling I wanted to keep going money and babysitter are issues. I really think he has cheated. Long story text messages porn sent from guys at work yes idiots all sharing porn photos sent it. On vacation his ex-wife he claims sent porn threw to ruin vacation it is possible she is that vindictive.

Long story is he is very selfish, doesn't take me seriously when I say I am unhappy, and I am thinking about leaving. I am not working or driving so I think he thinks I am trapped. I need this man to wake up or I need to really get a divorce. I can't live like this. I have tried talking he turns his phone off now at work so he don't need to talk to me. 
I am being dumb a second time should I just leave? I have a four year old I would need to put in daycare. I don't know if I could make ends meet But I would rather try than live in this hell. It hurts so bad to be totally in love with a man who Don't love u. He says he does but don't show it at all. marriage counslor told us each failed relationship gets worse make this work. I cannot make it work myself. advice please. My exhusband my friends etc has said I am every mans dream. I want sex, I cook, clean, don't stay mad, don't cheat, loving wife . I buy him golf clubs, tvs, I let him buy whatever he wants. I am the girl that everyone wants and when you have her walk all over her. So tell me girls how do I make him respect me more. I read about these women cheating or not in love with great guys who love them. I am outgoing and fun. I have had guys make passes I got away fast. I am not a cheater. I thought the man I married was a good christian nerd but I gave him confidence and he has changed now. I made a monster. he is so controlling never says he is sorry.


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

1) Why are you "totally in love" with a man who treats you this way?

2) You cannot make anyone respect you. But if you respect yourself, respect from others will follow. Are you treating yourself with respect right now?


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## livelaughlovenow (Apr 23, 2012)

I agree with the above, find your self respect, ensure he respects you. Heal from the arm (couldn't tell if that is still ongoing) you can try to communicate your needs and you should but if he won't listen maybe write it ouut. But I can say, once distance has been built...it's hard to get the closeness back and takes work and you can only do what you can do, you cannot force the other person into what you want, and I am learning no amount of begging, pleading, distance or anything else can make the other person want to act loving towards you like in the beginning. They have to want that closeness themselves.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## duppedtwice (Jun 5, 2012)

When we met he bought me flowers and saying he waited so long to find me. Respected me not to sleep with him right away. It all seem to change with an unplanned pregnancy. His mom told me the day we married she never seen him happier. They had a pretty good marriage 52 years before he passed. It is like a doctor jeckel mr. hyde. One way at work another at home. He is blming me for being upset that he gets porn text from guys at work he day he dont want and says his exwife is sending the other crap and if you knew her it may be true. she is very spiteful person. I am just tired of doubting, He wants me to have blind trust after he lied about working with this woman I don't like. I don't like the way she gives me dirty looks when my husband brings me to work to pick stuff up. He cannot change his working with her. we cannot afford for him to quit that job. I don't think he would cheat with her. you never know though. I told him tonight its all or nothing or I want a divorce. I survived and flourished threw the first divorce. I can do it again.


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## duppedtwice (Jun 5, 2012)

I agree livelovelaughnow. I cannot make him want me love me. He has to want that. I am not so sure he does. sometimes I think he is afraid or just plain to selfish and lazy.


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## duppedtwice (Jun 5, 2012)

He said he wants to sit down and make a marriage plan. expectations and ground rules. I guess that means next time some girl name jessie texts him its not suppose to bother me. I think I may be looking for a job that I can do with my bad arm. It cannot be fixed the nerves are severed. I will listen and he will be handed dr. phils marriage advice. we'll see. otherwise I am ready to walk. I cannot make it for for the two of us.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

I'm so very sorry your going through with this a second time. You are a very strong woman, you know what is the right thing to do is. Just remember that the children you raise know your upset and in pain. It's up to us to make a good example to the children. Good luck with your decision.


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## duppedtwice (Jun 5, 2012)

Thank you as I read some post I sit and realize this is not right. He don't want sex with me really anymore. He said it is not the weight gain. I think it is. I gained 20lbs I cannot lose due to thyroid. He has gained 20 lbs now but I still wanted him. I am affectionate hug him kiss him wait at the door with dinner between jobs for him. grab his butt tell him he's sexy etc. I intiate I am the one doing all the work here. The more i read and go to write here the more I think of all the things that are wrong in this marriage.


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## duppedtwice (Jun 5, 2012)

My kids from my first marriage know and understand why I asked for the divorce. He does it to his new wife. My oldest is in his twenties and graduated college and my other son is in high school. They grew up fine turned out great kids. Their father and I are friends. He has come to parties for them and he has said he is sorry many times for what he did. We are friends and that is good for my kids. I am trying to do the right thing for me and my son. He's four I don' t want him in daycare and not having his dad also. It was hard on my kids. I had my dad and mom all my life. I really thought I would never be where I am now again. I thought I picked someone completely different. funny how people change. I kept trying to tell him not to stop all the romance and secret late nights in our room and the notes in his lunch etc. He told me it was to much work he got lazy and the honeymoon phase was to much work. I Imagine that a guy who doesn't want a wife that tells him its ok not to put the fence up lets watch a movie. He read on a blog how marriage is suppose to have phases and not suppose to be honeymoon like. I am a very happy person always have been. I know life is short and you can be gone in an instant. He told me he fell for me because I am all of these things. now it seems as if he only wants it all when its good for him.


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## duppedtwice (Jun 5, 2012)

He cannot even call me he is saying this all threw text. How ****ty is that. He says he loves me threw text. He wants to fix it. I say bull****. He can call me and talk privately at work any other time his job is the type he is there and needs to go when called. All seems to be a game to him.


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

You don't need to do this all over the phone anyway. Let him be... so far he is saying the right words. Let him get his head together, and you do the same. He says he loves you and wants to work WITH you... that's what you want too... why argue about that?


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## duppedtwice (Jun 5, 2012)

I think he is just like my ex and wants his cake and eat it to. He can get his head together with out me. I will give him all the space he needs. cause it will give me the time to prepare myself for not loving him anymore just like my ex never went back after I made my decision.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

That is not how a husband treats his wife. I gained weight after breaking my neck and becoming disabled. My husband loves me and always makes sure I'm feeling okay everyday. 

I'm so very sorry. Your in a tough situation. I wish you the best!


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## duppedtwice (Jun 5, 2012)

you are very blessed to have a great husband. I just was not meant to get a man that will treat me with respect. I think it is time I am by myself for good. raise my son. I don't think I can do this again ever. He doesn't seek god anymore. He paused when I asked him if he is in love with me. He said he loves me but all the crap is in the way. I don't believe that is the real reason. I think he cannot make it financially and pay support. I think that is why he stays and if we divorce he owes me 72,000. plus support. I put all the money on the house and the equity is almost gone cause the economy. Houses have depreciated here. We have a signed agreement. I think he is probably cheating. The way he is acting is so callous and cold. He wants it all his way and doesn't want t give me want I want. All that is for him to be faithful and love me. He has projects everywhere in his house unfinished. I never bug him. Three years of unfinished projects. He is just so different from the man he acted like and that I thought I married. Honestly I cannot believe the difference. I have no one to help he moved me to far from my friends and almost all my family. My brother is the only somewhat close person and he works. I know I need to do this. This is way harder then last time. I am trying to realized I am in love with the person he protrayed I married not the person he is now. I hope god steps in here.I sure need his help.


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## duppedtwice (Jun 5, 2012)

He came home this morning. I was up and he came in and sat on the couch and fell asleep. I didn't say a word to him just sat here on the computer and he didn't say anything either. I get so many mixed signals. He claims he wants to work on it. Sometimes I believe him he did go to marriage counseling. He would go back if we had the money.When he is home he will talk and try to work it out. It is when he gets to work no one is around he will call and talk about good or try to work on the bad. lately though he just turns the phone off doesn't call me. My gut is telling me he is checked out of this marriage and possible affair. Either way he is so distant. I am sick of being lonely and sad. I want to save this marriage. I feel I will need to leave to get him to try. I feel that will be the end. I dont think he is in love with me anymore. He is a paramedic so he can talk all night or day when at work except if he gets a call. I have checked his phone no calls or text, It is in my name. They have station phones though and internet. Just last week some girl texted him while he was at work Hey its jessie. He called me and asked me if it was our neighbors daughter. I checked and it was not. SO who is this girl and why would he tell me. So I called the number and its some young girl and I asked her why sex texted him and she laughed and hung up. So my 23 year old son called she did the same thing. I spokeo the number and it goes to some chatterbox site. Now I know his exwife wants us to break up she is not happy so no one can be he doesn't see his kids anymore cause of her not letting him. She lives out of state. We spent huge amounts trying to get into court to get to see them. Two guys at work would do this also. They are single cause they have big issues. They would encourage him to cheat and help him hide it and the one guy tells him to treat me bad. The other is in a relationship with a sweet girl but will not marry her and I believe he would cheat. either way he doesn't have great example that he works with. So what do I do leave ignore him?


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

He doesn't have to work on anything. He has everything he wants - a housekeeper, all the extra girls on the side he wants, anything else he wants...because you're a doormat.

Either learn to enact strong boundaries, or get out of the marriage.


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## duppedtwice (Jun 5, 2012)

You are right. So I told him yesterday I have boundaries and if he cannot follow the rules of respect I give him. I want a divorce. I told him he needs to give me his also to be fair. We talked alot threw the day mostly me telling him I can't live in a bad marriage. He talked some. Told me a few times he is in love with me. Then this morning he left me a note on my juice bottle I am in love with you. I still have my concerns about a woman at his work. I dont if anything has started with her. I have reasons from things he told me to be concerned. How he admires her. Maybe it is just she is a single mom working hard. She told him she hates the cheating in his field. So I would hope that means she would not do what she hates. Only time will tell. right now I am focusing on boundaries and trying to fix this marriage. He seems to be also.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

You need to take that a step further. If you suspect he is cheating, you need to see his phone and computer so you can verify he isn't. If he refuses, start making plans to move out. He HAS to see this strength in you or he will never respect you.


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## duppedtwice (Jun 5, 2012)

I am not moving out my money went down on this house. Not a dime of his. He is getting his suitcase packed tonight and he can stay with his guy friend that tells him to show me no respect. He came home he told me all this stuff about wanting to save our relationship. He was in love with me. Then his buddy called. dr. jekel >mr. hyde. I over heard crap being said. Told him he would talk monday night. So he was sleeping had a headache and I picked his phone up off the little guy. So I looked threw texts only to see this guy friends from work texted him. Ur still on the phone man with her. Is your ear gonna fall off. We were actually talking trying to work things out cause he called me crying. He lets his friends talk about me like that. He lets the guys at work think that I won't let him go camping when he comes home and tells me he doesn't want to go. they call me and ask me I keep telling them its not me. It is him. I told him today get a set and tell your friends its not me. 
I am tried of taking the blame. which again shows he wants his friends to think I am a wench. Instead of telling the truth. It makes sense why they show me no respect. Every time I have tried to tell him My feelings he talks over me doesn't listen. Turns it into being about him.


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## duppedtwice (Jun 5, 2012)

One minute he is trying to make it work but this guy is telling him how to treat me. He thinks this guys advice is good. The guy can't even get a woman he had kids with to leave her husband and marry him. This has been going on between them for 20 years. I told him this guy has issues. He don't see it. He is so caught up in this guys advice.


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## duppedtwice (Jun 5, 2012)

In the middle of all this I have a huge important thing in my life that can make me financially in a good place and I need my mind on that. Instead I am dealing with this.


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Dupped, please see a lawyer ASAP to secure your financial resources. 

Please.


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## duppedtwice (Jun 5, 2012)

I am working with a lawyer on the financial paper work. He signed papers before we married about not a dime from the house. It was an inheritance anyway and gift. So legally in my state he cannot touch it.
I also can prove with the texts call he could be up to something. he can deny it but the it looks bad for him. All of that I am not worried about I am going into shut down mode. He tried today and I am so fed up. He saw it wasn't Making a difference. He said why should he try. I talked with him told him what I cannot live with.


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## duppedtwice (Jun 5, 2012)

When he is home he is really trying. Totally different at work. He is willing t go to counseling. He said he cannot control other at work. He doesn't need to listen to their advice. Be a apart of their games.
I called his brother and asked him if he could stay at his house. He said yes. He asked me what's going on. He told me My brother is a fool. You know how mom and me feel about you. I though maybe going to his brothers and thinking he may wise up. I fear though that as long as he goes back to work this will continue. I realize that unless he doesn't want it on his own and cannot realize it on is own. that I need to file for divorce. It was not what I wanted but he always lets these people influenece him at work. Until he makes a choice he will not have me.


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## duppedtwice (Jun 5, 2012)

He completely ignores me at when he is at work. The guy from work cannot even leave him alone long enough to work out our problems. He doesn't see any of it. He said he is trying and then ten minutes later after I told him what's bothering me he does it again. today he tried to get me to have sex and I can't it's not going to solve it. I am not the type to hold out either. He can't just ignore my feelings and think it will fix it. we don't fight about money or anything else. we want the same things in life. We can finish each others sentences. We get along great except for this guy the whole suspected cheating. Not showing me respect and treating me as his equal. To me they are big things. He swears his is not cheating. I am not sure. This guy I think he is sneaky enough to cause this and make it look like he is. He offered to get a new phone number and not give it to anyone like his x that may be doing the all this.


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## OneLoveXo (Jun 5, 2012)

duppedtwice said:


> I am working with a lawyer on the financial paper work. He signed papers before we married about not a dime from the house. It was an inheritance anyway and gift. So legally in my state he cannot touch it.
> I also can prove with the texts call he could be up to something. he can deny it but the it looks bad for him. All of that I am not worried about I am going into shut down mode. He tried today and I am so fed up. He saw it wasn't Making a difference. He said why should he try. I talked with him told him what I cannot live with.


I am sorry for all the things you're going through *HUGS* you are strong and wonderful woman, so however this works out you will make it out, what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger.

No husband should ever treat his wife this way. But I feel like there is something else going on with him thats making him that way, he is withdrawing from activities with friends and withdrawing you from your family, and now withdrawing himself from you.

Obviously he wasn't always like this, and yes people do change, but there is always a reason...you seem like a wonderful wife and mother so I don't think it has anything to do with you. Its seem like he stopped caring about a lot of things, including you.

Even thought there is always a possibility that he could have cheated, I doubt he cheated with that woman, especially since you've checked his phone and stuff. However I think you should randomly ask (when you're around computer and his phone) for him to let you check his Facebook/email/phone and anything else. If he refuses than he is hiding something. I had to do this once (because I was paranoid) but my bf let me check his Facebook/myspace/email and phone.

If you want some peach of mind compare your phone bill to his call history, see if there is any calls/texts he deleted, if he did and there is other numbers and texts before and after than he is probably hiding something, texts maybe not so much but calls, yes.

Now, even thought there is no excuse for the way he treated you, perhaps he didn't realize the depth of your pain and how much his actions have affected you.

I don't know your relationship, but listed to your gut.
If you do want to try and work this out you should know that sometimes its really hard to remember what you talked about the night/day before. Write down all the things that have been bothering you, write down everything you're feeling and what will make you happy, and suggest ways he can fix those things. This way he will have something he can go back to to re-teach him how to be a loving husband.

Spend a couple days away from each other, you can still be in the house but you should go do something or he should. Spend time thinking while you are a part. Let him digest the letter and really think if he can do this and if its worth for him to fight and save this marriage. 

When you're ready have a talk, but NOT over the phone, person to person, even if you have to wait all day.
Its understandable he doesn't want to pick up the phone at work, some men get really bothered by it, but it doenst mean he loves you any less. But again its wrong for him to completely turn it off. Perhaps you should just send him a text whenever you need to talk, and tell him to call you at next available moment, you can work out a system that works for both of you.

Also find out why HE is acting this way, what has been bothering him, why doesn't he want to go out with his friends, why doesn't he stand up for you when he talks to them. Write out all the questions you want to ask, and give it to him, give him some time to think about it, sometimes its too hard to answer on the spot cause you have no time to really think about it.

So write him letter with why you are unhappy and what he can do to change it. And you write him questions you have for his behavior. Perhaps he is going through depression of some sort, people rarely turn 180 like that, there is always a reason, find out what his is and what you can do to help he get passed them, maybe he needs individual therapy-that isn't give from his stupid friends. 

Also I know some guy don't defend their wives and let them take the blame because they don't want to see pussies, so the guys attack the wife, which is not right and he needs to own up to the truth with them.

Listen to your gut, if you want to try and save this, than get down to the bottom of what has made him change, and why HE is acting this way. I don't think you are the problem, I think he has issues with himself, when people distance themselves from activities with friends its often means they are in depression of some sort.

If he has no one to talk to or can't afford to, have him go on this site or another like this where he can ask for advice...

Whatever you decided to do, stay strong and you will make it, you have before! I wish you all the best *HUGS*


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## duppedtwice (Jun 5, 2012)

Thanks for all the support. I am not calling him at work or texting him 
now. I am done. He is ignoring me. Earlier tonight he said if I want a divorce I can have it. I have tried to ask him repeatedly what is bothering him. He says nothing is bothering him. The distance is horrible. I am sorry but his heart is somewhere else. Either he just wants out and to be alone so he can do what he wants or someone else is on the horizon for him. even after he lost his very good job four years ago and he was devasted. He never treated me like this.
He went for counseling after he lost it so many of his friends betrayed him. This guy that is doing all this is just like the guy who stole his job and he cant see it. He didn't listen to me then. Now he is losing me for the same type of guy. That will stab him in the back when he is done with him. I am wondering if the girl he was seeing before me is an issue she works with both of them and they were talking about her I heard them. Something is making him completely shut me out.


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## OneLoveXo (Jun 5, 2012)

duppedtwice said:


> He completely ignores me at when he is at work. The guy from work cannot even leave him alone long enough to work out our problems. He doesn't see any of it. He said he is trying and then ten minutes later after I told him what's bothering me he does it again. today he tried to get me to have sex and I can't it's not going to solve it. I am not the type to hold out either. He can't just ignore my feelings and think it will fix it. we don't fight about money or anything else. we want the same things in life. We can finish each others sentences. We get along great except for this guy the whole suspected cheating. Not showing me respect and treating me as his equal. To me they are big things. He swears his is not cheating. I am not sure. This guy I think he is sneaky enough to cause this and make it look like he is. He offered to get a new phone number and not give it to anyone like his x that may be doing the all this.


He is trying a little. If you don't want to have sex don't push him away, do something else, maybe sit, talk, hold each others hands, maybe cuddle little after. Just tell him you want to take it slow for now and that you will have sex with him when you are ready. Have him change the phone number, or have his X blocked (just call the phone company and they will block anything coming from her or anyone else you want).

Check the call history and other stuff like I mentioned in other post so you can feel better. Show him and tell him how he can make you guys equal, maybe he doenst know how to do it, and asking to have sex because that is the only real way he knows how to show you that he loves you.

Some guys are dumb no matter how smart they are or seem. My bf is clueless, I literally have to digest it all for him and tell him what he needs to do, and it has worked so far. Some guys just don't know what to do to make it right. It seems like he is trying but you should be vocal when something is happening that is not making you happy and explain calmly why it hurts you. Once he sees which actions affect you he will be able to control and stop himself in future. Be specific but don't be *****y.

As I said just point out next time. its kind like teaching guys how to stimulate you, you can let them go hours at it and tell them verbally how to do it but they still can't get it until you take their hand and show it. Same thing here, show him, teach him, if shows progress than its worth trying. But be understanding people can't change overnight. Tell him you will have to be patient and understanding with each other, most of all HONEST to each other, tell each other whatever is making either of you unhappy as its happening. Its easier than pointing it out days later in a fight or phone call.

And dedicated spending some quality time together. Give yourselves a week to get working on working out the kinks, after that go on a date, do something you have not in a long time. Go out for a drink and movie, or bowling. Do the things you do when you first meet someone. Perhaps it could lead to a fresh start on things.

Just don't bottle things up inside, share and show him what to do. Some men just need guidance. My bf use to do so many things that drove me insane, after I told him and reminded when it was happening, eventually it stops completely.

Also do some bonding activities, maybe finish one of his projects together. Or go dancing, just anything to get you two reconnected like you were before marrying. Take is slow and tell him you want to take him slow, otherwise he may think you're pushing him away.

Don't push him away if you want to make this work, help him help himself, you and your marriage, it is team work. But only if you really feel that you want to make this work, listen to your gut as always, but choose what it is you want to do.


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## duppedtwice (Jun 5, 2012)

I have done all that. I want to be with him and I told him that. I just don't think that sex is going to help today. Until he stops with this guy at work. I cannot feel he is serious. I tell him all day when we are together if I am feeling something good or that is bothering me. WHen I tell him he gets mad and says why should I try if you are feeling that way. I told him cause you need to know how I feel so we can fix it. He gets so mad and even yells at me and don't listen at times. Something is bothering him. Something he will not let me into or tell me to work it out. I am completely shut out at this point. distance is either going to make or break it. If there is someone else. this will either make him go to her and I will then know. If he makes that mistake and then thinks he is coming back I will never take him back I never did my exhusband. Its been 14 years he still ask and I will never change my mind. when I am done I am done. I am going to let him go. If we belong together he will come back. If not then he never really loved me and I deserve better.


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## OneLoveXo (Jun 5, 2012)

duppedtwice said:


> Thanks for all the support. I am not calling him at work or texting him
> now. I am done. He is ignoring me. Earlier tonight he said if I want a divorce I can have it. I have tried to ask him repeatedly what is bothering him. He says nothing is bothering him. The distance is horrible. I am sorry but his heart is somewhere else. Either he just wants out and to be alone so he can do what he wants or someone else is on the horizon for him. even after he lost his very good job four years ago and he was devasted. He never treated me like this.
> He went for counseling after he lost it so many of his friends betrayed him. This guy that is doing all this is just like the guy who stole his job and he cant see it. He didn't listen to me then. Now he is losing me for the same type of guy. That will stab him in the back when he is done with him. I am wondering if the girl he was seeing before me is an issue she works with both of them and they were talking about her I heard them. Something is making him completely shut me out.


Dang. one moment it seems he wants to make it work the next he gives up. I am sorry honey *HUGS*. Just leave him alone for a while maybe, let him do his thing. Start the divorce papers, they take a while anyway, and if nothing changes you serve them to him. Start figuring out a plan just in case, if you google there is actually a ton of different jobs you can take on even if you are disabled, you should try and apply to work at the federal government, they actually make it a priority to hire people with disabilities and they pay well!

When you are ready to separate from him, serve the divorce papers. For now just leave him alone, write him the letter what he can do to fix thing, and letter with questions. Don't ask for it, if he wants to he will answer them. if he realizes what he is missing he will do something about it, you have done all you could, now it is his turn.


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## OneLoveXo (Jun 5, 2012)

duppedtwice said:


> I am going to let him go. If we belong together he will come back. If not then he never really loved me and I deserve better.


Exactly!


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

duppedtwice said:


> I am not calling him at work or texting him
> now. I am done. He is ignoring me. Earlier tonight he said if I want a divorce I can have it. I have tried to ask him repeatedly what is bothering him. He says nothing is bothering him.


Do you see how these two things are contradictory? You say you're ignoring him, not calling him, you are done.

Then you say HE is ignoring YOU.

And then you say YOU are asking HIM what is wrong.

He just played you. And you fell for it.

You tried to be strong. He pulled away from you (to punish you). Then you chased him. He has you right where he wants you - kissing his ass.

Kick him out. Let him experience life without you. If he really loves you, he will get therapy and grow up and become a real man who takes care of you, instead of hurts you.

And if he doesn't do these things, then you have your answer and you're better off knowing NOW.


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## duppedtwice (Jun 5, 2012)

His friend called me tonight the one that I was told by him told him to leave. Here the guy told me he didn't tell him that. We talked the guy from work for like two hours. He told me some of the things they are dealing with at work he is hiding from me. They have had some really gross scenes at work lately and people trying to bite them so forth. He has been talking about his dad that passed 4 years ago to him and crying. All of us have lost our dads. He thinks he is depressed. his kids that no longer come they are now teens long story his exwife lives a few states away and the kids hardly talk with him they are teens and they get that way all this is bothering him and he is no longer telling me. That is the distance and that is all the problems. Yet today he told me I am still his best friend. Clearly I am not and he has chosen this not me. I always just listen with the kids make suggestions sometimes remind him to call them and send cards. His friend talked with me about maybe he needs stress counseling or days off. He is tired so the whole combination is the issues. Maybe he does need to move out clear his head and see if he wants to talk with me. He has chosen not to come to me. 
quote : Kick him out. Let him experience life without you. If he really loves you, he will get therapy and grow up and become a real man who takes care of you, instead of hurts you.
If he don't talk tom. then this is what needs to happen. He is making these choices not me. He chose to shut me out depression or not. He is talking to his friend at work. So it's a choice. I am not to busy or not listening. I try to make quite time for us to talk everyday. This is his choice!!! He has chosen to lose the intimacy the bond not me.I cannot fix him all I can do is be there and I have been. It's in his hands to a point. He is choosing life without me. By acting this way!


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## duppedtwice (Jun 5, 2012)

I just checked all the texts messages and he is talking to someone tonight its not his friend that called me. He told me earlier he wanted a divorce. So maybe his friend doesn't know what he is up to. they are not from his friend or me and they are coming up almost all zero which is blocked. This explains why he isn't talking to me. he found someone else to share with. They can have him. I am done on his rollercoaster ride.


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## OneLoveXo (Jun 5, 2012)

duppedtwice said:


> I just checked all the texts messages and he is talking to someone tonight its not his friend that called me. He told me earlier he wanted a divorce. So maybe his friend doesn't know what he is up to. they are not from his friend or me and they are coming up almost all zero which is blocked. This explains why he isn't talking to me. he found someone else to share with. They can have him. I am done on his rollercoaster ride.


Some men feel to fragile to come to their wives for help, they go to other men because they don't want you to see him weak. Clearly your husband is depressed, his withdrawal from you, your family, and his friends. He shouldn't have gone about this way, he should feel comfortable enough to talk to you, but clearly whoever called you is concerned about him.

Maybe you should bring up that one of is friends concerned, and that you are there for him to listen to him. When men get depressed it very very different from women, they don't experience it much in their lives like women do, so when they feel up with these emotions they are afraid to seem fragile or weak to their wives. I don't why they do it, I guess they don't to feel emasculated. So the go to their guy friends, clearly his friends haven't helped him much because he isn't getting better. 

He doesn't realize that he needs you and your support, its hard for some men to ask for help especially whatever he is going through. He was good to you before, loved you like nothing else, but depression can have a SERIOUS on someones attitude and treatment to others, they don't want to admit depression and only push people they love most away.

Perhaps you should let be on his own for bit, let him realize how much you mean to him, if ever truly loved you he will come back. Maybe you should write him a letter and give it to him when he leaves that you are willing to help him through whatever he is going through, say how friends said he was concerned that he is depressed, tell him you want to help him and be there for him and get him through this. Give him a glimpse of hope and some time along to come to his senses where he is not surrounded by you, he should really take couple days off, clearly his job is getting to him as well. Paramedic do not have an easy job. His emotions and depression is probably at all time high and that is probably why he said he wants a divorce, you have said it yourself as well, yet something in both of you wants to try. 

If he comes back to you than you can work it through, but let him and yourself think about it and have some time off from each other. Pamper yourself and relax, everything will work out like they are meant to be. You have done all you can, and only time can tell where this will go.

I would also recommend your husband seeing a doctor, sometimes people chemicals/hormones in the body are unbalanced that can lead to severe depression; based on what you said your husband is exhibiting every sign of it. He may need medication, many people don't develop it till adult hood.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

OneLove, it's great that you have such a romantic view of the world but, truthfully, duped's husband isn't showing any calibre of marriage material. He put on an act to get her to marry him and, as soon as she did, he quit acting. And he's been using her ever since. Some men just look at women that way - to be used.

She's better off moving on and learning from this mistake.


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