# How to become a sexual aggressor



## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

I am a wife with a high drive, and have a hubby with a low drive. From my original post detailing my situation I got lots of great advice, (thank you everyone) and it seems I need to become the aggressor. I would really like to do this. Since this is not my nature, how do I work on myself to become more aggressive? Suggestions greatly appreciated.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

For me, it was a combination of reading, watching, maybe a little wine, and the desire backed by will to just DO it.

Read erotic fiction. Note any aggressive female sexual interaction and keep it in your mind.

Watch porn or soft porn and see how sexually aggressive females behave.

Play around with scenarios in your head. Let them arouse both your mind and body. Let them take on a life of their own.

Once you've done the research, you can try little things to see how it goes. For example, waiting for a moment when he seems receptive and just grab him by both shoulders, turn him toward you, and passionately kiss him. Once he's all gooey, you end the kiss and walk away as if nothing happened.

Then, when your ready, take the plunge and just DO IT!


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Spicy said:


> how do I work on myself to become more aggressive? Suggestions greatly appreciated.


Step 1: Explore your fantasies to know what YOU want. (Can NOT include wanting your partner to want you)

Step 2: Be brave enough to pursue it. 

Step 3: Demonstrate to your partner your own desire to be pleased


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## wild jade (Jun 21, 2016)

Just grab his package and start playing with it. Or, for a more casual approach, cradle it, like you are holding hands.

No need to follow through with anything more, if you don't feel like it. Just a way to get him thinking...


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

Reading some erotic stories could give you ideas to release your inner wh0re. Letting go may be what's needed to get your hubby into higher gear. If he's gotten tired of the same ole, you coming at him in new ways can awaken things. 

I would also suggest working out. Yoga/Pilates can do AMAZING things for a woman's body. Nothing like a smoking hot body to get the juices flowing. Don't have to be a fitness model either, just get a little toned. 

Also, you should gently but firmly nudge hubby to get his T-Levels checked. He could be low, which could explain the low drive. If they check out, encourage him to hit the gym. Some heavy lifting can increase T levels naturally. Both of you improving yourselves can be hot.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

It depends almost entirely on him. It has to be done in a way that he will appreciate / enjoy, not be controlling or threatening.

Meet him at the door wearing nothing but a ribbon and a card that says you are his for the night?

Next time you are watching TV, just kneel down, open his robe and go to town?

Wear sexy lingerie all evening and let him know that you expect to spend a few hours with him?

Walk into the bedroom wearing high heels and carrying a riding crop and tell him he has to do what you say?

Next time you are in bed, tell him exactly what you want, then ask him exactly what he wants.



The problem is different people will react completely differently to each of the above.


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## wild jade (Jun 21, 2016)

Walk up behind him when he is sitting in a chair, and start nuzzling his neck and nibbling on his ear.

As usual, decide on whether you want to follow through with more based on his reaction.


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

Porn and some sort of mind altering chemical, like wine.


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## Luvher4life (Jan 15, 2016)

wild jade said:


> Just grab his package and start playing with it. Or, for a more casual approach, cradle it, like you are holding hands.
> 
> No need to follow through with anything more, if you don't feel like it. Just a way to get him thinking...


This would definitely work with me. Of course, I'm HD, but it always feels good to be "wanted".


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## wild jade (Jun 21, 2016)

Here's another one. Invite him to take a shower with you, and offer to soap his back. Keep moving downwards, until you are soaping his butt. Turn him around and gently soap his bits. 

This one makes my husband dance and squeal.


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## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

Luvher4life said:


> This would definitely work with me. Of course, I'm HD, but it always feels good to be "wanted".


This is amazingly true. The person I dated before I remarried, the amount of want and need and passion we shared was off the charts. The rest of him was worthless though. With my hubby, I find him to be so massively attractive. I can't and don't keep my hands off of him. I want him like crazy, and sometimes I see that back from him. He is always touching me and compliments me often. So I know we are both attractive to each other, but I think if we are ever going to increase the frequency I need to be more aggressive and start it all. 

He loves morning sex, and I only want to kiss/talk AFTER I have had a chance to brush my teeth. I shower and shave every single night before bed and put on the panties I know he likes to play with. I need to tweak my routine somehow so that I don't feel inhibited in the morning which is my best chance of getting laid >


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## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

UMP said:


> Porn and some sort of mind altering chemical, like wine.


He does get pretty damn fun with a few drinks in him.


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## Mommywhatohnothing (May 30, 2016)

If your biggest issue with morning sex is concern about morning breath, why not keep some breath mints or spray on your bedside table?


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## wild jade (Jun 21, 2016)

Oooh yes, morning sex. Spoon him while he is still sleeping and start kissing his back. When he starts to wake up, start rubbing his hips or thighs whatever is reachable. When he shifts position for easier access, he's good to go.

No need for underwear. Naked all the way!


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

Spicy said:


> He does get pretty damn fun with a few drinks in him.


Let the porn do the work for you.
Occasionally my wife will give me a BJ while I watch porn.
In 5 minutes I'm ready to eat her alive.


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## dubsey (Feb 21, 2013)

Spicy said:


> He loves morning sex, and I only want to kiss/talk AFTER I have had a chance to brush my teeth. I shower and shave every single night before bed and put on the panties I know he likes to play with. I need to tweak my routine somehow so that I don't feel inhibited in the morning which is my best chance of getting laid >


keep a glass of water next to the bed

or

start on an area of his body that doesn't require face to face contact until you're no longer thinking about your teeth.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

Drinks for him, cocaine for you, let the good times roll >


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Catch him in the shower, take your clothes off, snatch open the shower door or curtains, unapologetically invade his inner sanctum, and then have your way with him and simply rock his world!

And if he's got an ounce of blood left in him, expect immediate reciprocity!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

arbitrator said:


> Catch him in the shower, take your clothes off, snatch open the shower door or curtains, unapologetically invade his inner sanctum, and then have your way with him and simply rock his world!
> 
> And if he's got an ounce of blood left in him, expect immediate reciprocity!


I will need to make sure I never take a shower with you in the room ... :surprise:


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

EllisRedding said:


> I will need to make sure I never take a shower with you in the room ... :surprise:


*Ellis, Ol' buddy: Strictly judging from some of those avatars of yours, if I knew that you were in the same county I was in, I'd have to go celibate out of sheer fear that if you were up in that shower, that what I might happen to see would warp my young impressionable mind and make my manhood shrink down to the point that someone might try to point me in the direction of the women's restroom!

It would nearly be as mind-altering as seeing my RSXW in the buff again!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

arbitrator said:


> *Ellis, Ol' buddy: Strictly judging from some of those avatars of yours, if I knew that you were in the same county I was in, I'd have to go celibate out of sheer fear that if your were in that shower, that what I might happen to see would warp my young impressionable mind and make my manhood shrink down to the point that someone might try to point me in the direction of the women's restroom!
> 
> It would nearly be as mind-altering as seeing my RSXW in the buff again!*
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You are such a tease :x


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## Unicus (Jun 2, 2016)

Spicy, somehow the thought of you getting "Aggressive" with him to change his sex drive seems fraught with all kinds of risks that can backfire pretty badly. His sex drive isn't the result of your not being "Aggressive" or assertive enough, it's either psychological, or physical. I'd try to figure out which one it is before instituting a plan to get more. You want more sex, not more frustration!

So, I'd talk with him about your needs, and his...objectively and not at all accusatory...and see what comes up (no pun intended). You can also look into ways of gratifying yourself more and differently and maybe look to include him in that. Sometimes, being an observer or participant in those kinds of things are very stimulating.


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## wild jade (Jun 21, 2016)

UMP said:


> Let the porn do the work for you.
> Occasionally my wife will give me a BJ while I watch porn.
> In 5 minutes I'm ready to eat her alive.


Pfffffffffft. Where is the fun in that?

SMH, what is it with dudes thinking porn is the solution to all of life's problems?

If you want to learn to be sexually aggressive, you don't give all the power over to a bunch of pixels.


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## wild jade (Jun 21, 2016)

Unicus said:


> Spicy, somehow the thought of you getting "Aggressive" with him to change his sex drive seems fraught with all kinds of risks that can backfire pretty badly. His sex drive isn't the result of your not being "Aggressive" or assertive enough, it's either psychological, or physical. I'd try to figure out which one it is before instituting a plan to get more. You want more sex, not more frustration!
> 
> So, I'd talk with him about your needs, and his...objectively and not at all accusatory...and see what comes up (no pun intended). You can also look into ways of gratifying yourself more and differently and maybe look to include him in that. Sometimes, being an observer or participant in those kinds of things are very stimulating.


This is a good point. A lot of dudes go soft around sexually aggressive women. They either can't handle it or start in with the shaming.


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## Lurkster (Feb 8, 2016)

wild jade said:


> This is a good point. A lot of dudes go soft around sexually aggressive women. They either can't handle it or start in with the shaming.


Wow.....never heard of that, but we all are different I suppose. :surprise:

First time my wife got aggressive, I was sure into it! Was on a camping trip, and she attacked me on the picnic table!
Something about the great outdoors........
:grin2:

I'm with the 'do-it' bunch. Get past the fear and go for it!


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

Lurkster said:


> Wow.....never heard of that, but we all are different I suppose. :surprise:
> 
> First time my wife got aggressive, I was sure into it! Was on a camping trip, and she attacked me on the picnic table!
> Something about the great outdoors........
> ...


Same here, not sure if "a lot" of dudes is a bit of an exaggeration???

Honestly I would be worried my W would be off me like a pole vaulter lol.


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## Lurkster (Feb 8, 2016)

EllisRedding said:


> Same here, not sure if "a lot" of dudes is a bit of an exaggeration???
> 
> Honestly I would be worried my W would be off me like a pole vaulter lol.



I agree!
My W getting aggressive hardens me right up!! :grin2:
Which, makes her more aggressive. 
A viscous cycle!

Am I like "a lot of dudes"? Don't know. It works for us, that's all that matters. 
For what it's worth, my wife told me later she wasn't sure how I would react. She found out regardless. Her horniness out powered her fear. Learned something new!

:smile2:


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

wild jade said:


> Pfffffffffft. Where is the fun in that?
> 
> SMH, what is it with dudes thinking porn is the solution to all of life's problems?
> 
> If you want to learn to be sexually aggressive, you don't give all the power over to a bunch of pixels.


Solution to all of lifes problems? Hardly.

When you've been married for 25 years, had a nearly life ending heart attack, 7 cardioversions, 3 oblations for atrial fibrilation, on testosterone, Plavix, metoprolol, citalopram and Viagra, one gets creative.

Currently having the best sex of my life with my amazing wife of 25 years. She's da bomb.:grin2:


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## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

EllisRedding said:


> Drinks for him, cocaine for you, let the good times roll >


LMAO!!!!! Too funny!


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## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

Mommywhatohnothing said:


> If your biggest issue with morning sex is concern about morning breath, why not keep some breath mints or spray on your bedside table?


That's funny after I wrote this I grabbed my travel size mouthwash and set it on my nightstand. Do I just fling some at him too? Lol.


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## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

Unicus said:


> Spicy, somehow the thought of you getting "Aggressive" with him to change his sex drive seems fraught with all kinds of risks that can backfire pretty badly. His sex drive isn't the result of your not being "Aggressive" or assertive enough, it's either psychological, or physical. I'd try to figure out which one it is before instituting a plan to get more. You want more sex, not more frustration!
> 
> So, I'd talk with him about your needs, and his...objectively and not at all accusatory...and see what comes up (no pun intended). You can also look into ways of gratifying yourself more and differently and maybe look to include him in that. Sometimes, being an observer or participant in those kinds of things are very stimulating.


Ahhhh!!!! I need you guys (@jade also) to read my first thread if you have time. I might be doomed. I need helpppp


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

I don't mean to over-simplify this at all, but we men (even the LD-ish) ones, are pretty easy to manipulate sexually - are we not, guys?

For starters, make sure your man is, in fact, lower drive than you are, and not simply sexually passive. This is easy to confuse. If he is the latter, than you're in luck.

But basically speaking, just about all men will respond to the simplest of things - such as touching us, THERE.

It's genuinely easy to have sex with a man. We really don't require a whole lot to get us going. We tend to not require romance and kissing etc., nor do we generally have to be in the right frame of mind. It just requires a little bit of overt (and at times, obvious) action on your part.

So again, it's a generalization, I know, but it's pretty basic - if you want to have sex with your husband, you can have sex with your husband. Touch him, take his penis out, jump on top of him, play with it, put it in your mouth, whatever. He's not going to look at you weird for unzipping his fly and pulling it out and playing with it. Most men live for that kind of thing, and the important thing to remember, as a woman - is that we're not you. The majority of women do not respond to overt sexual contact such as that. But men DO.

We guys learn at an early age that men and women respond differently than each other, and that what works on us probably won't work on you, and vice versa. Teenage sex is often awkward because we guys are learning what makes you women tick. We usually DO start out by doing to you what works on us - ie. going straight for the good bits, or grabbing your boobs. Sticking my hand down my wife's (or really ANY woman's) pants will not get her going the same way if she were to do the same to me. Not sure why so many women haven't quite figured out that men don't require the same things as they do!

That's REALLY all there is to it.


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## wild jade (Jun 21, 2016)

Spicy said:


> That's funny after I wrote this I grabbed my travel size mouthwash and set it on my nightstand. Do I just fling some at him too? Lol.


Just don't kiss him on the mouth if it's too gross. And no missionary position!


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## wild jade (Jun 21, 2016)

Spicy said:


> Ahhhh!!!! I need you guys (@jade also) to read my first thread if you have time. I might be doomed. I need helpppp


Where is your first thread?


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## wild jade (Jun 21, 2016)

Sorry alexm but you are wrong! You guys all talk a good game about how y'all are easy and just want sex, ready to go at any time, but when push comes to shove you are all complex, respond differently, and have all sorts of emotions, beliefs, and baggage that you bring with you. 

If a guy feels pressured into sex, he will often be turned off. I just read a post by a guy who said just that --even though he couldn't quite believe it. Sometimes if he feels like he isn't in control, same thing. Some guys need to feel like they are the aggressors and initiator or they lose interest. Some guys have massive hangups about sex and what women should or should not do.

I could be wrong, but my impression is that guys don't look too closely at their real motivations and responses. Or if they do, they don't admit to it because it hurts their man's man image.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

There is a lot of variation. There is also a difference between "desired" and "pressured" 

I do agree though that for most men and women do not respond well to being pressured for more sex than they naturally want. 

For someone who is not currently getting all the sex that they want, the idea of an "aggressive" partner is very appealing. That makes it difficult to imagine being pressured, especially for someone who has never experienced it.





wild jade said:


> Sorry alexm but you are wrong! You guys all talk a good game about how y'all are easy and just want sex, ready to go at any time, but when push comes to shove you are all complex, respond differently, and have all sorts of emotions, beliefs, and baggage that you bring with you.
> 
> If a guy feels pressured into sex, he will often be turned off. I just read a post by a guy who said just that --even though he couldn't quite believe it. Sometimes if he feels like he isn't in control, same thing. Some guys need to feel like they are the aggressors and initiator or they lose interest. Some guys have massive hangups about sex and what women should or should not do.
> 
> I could be wrong, but my impression is that guys don't look too closely at their real motivations and responses. Or if they do, they don't admit to it because it hurts their man's man image.


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## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

Ok boys and girls  

I made my first attempt. Just a note, we both work from home. Within the last couple of days we had messed around and I made him cum with a HJ...so for him being LD this was extremely close together for me to try again, but I wanted to try nonetheless. 

H got up extra early today and was working by 5:30 am. We missed our morning snuggle because of this. As I lay in bed, I wanted to play. I reflected back over the things I've learned here on TAM (thank you all!) and I decided to try being the aggressor.

I picked out a naughty outfit. Hopped in the shower, got all yummy smelling and shaved. I did my makeup, and put on my sexy outfit with a little robe over it, but left it open so he could see my cleavage and thigh high stockings,

I walked in his office and he said, "Whoa"...then he said "What are you doing?"

I hugged him, cupped his ass, then stood back and kissed him. I said, "I want you, come here". 

My intent had been to try Doggie for the first time with him. That didn't happen. I got him hard but it was kinda coming and going, I knew if I tried to swap into a new postion I would lose him. I also laid on my back and took his hand and shoved it in my panties, and kept whispering naughty things to him and telling him what he was doing felt sooo good.

So my mind keeps going back to the doggie thing. So I tell him, I want you on your hands and knees. He complies and tells me "I have never done this before". I stroke his ass and balls then get out the astrogliide and start playing with his d!ck and ass. Ultimately, I have him in the doggie postion. He is just humping my hand instead if my vag, Plus he is getting some ass action from my baby finger, which he loves.

I could feel and hear he was close, but I didn't want to stop and change positions so I could get myself more involved. I wanted to make him cum...and he did.

Afterward he said "That was SO awesome, the best ever". And I am as happy as a Cheshire Cat.

Also, I have gained a little confidence on being aggressive. Next time I hope I can get things started, and get that beautiful meat stick in me. Overall whoo hoo!!!! Just wanted to share. Keep the advice coming.


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## wild jade (Jun 21, 2016)

Yay! Good work, Spicy.

Your next assignment, should you choose to accept it, is to remember that sexual aggression is not just about pleasing a man, but making sure that he understands that you must be pleased too.

You've shown you can get him into position --so keep this up, and don't be shy about picking positions that will work well for you too. Since encouragement seems to get him going, give him lots. Positive reinforcemenr, you know :wink2:

Good luck.


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