# DH needs multiple orgasms



## PenguinCat (Jan 9, 2014)

Dh and I have been married for ten years and generally have a satisfying sex life. But in the past couple years dh has started insisting on 2 or 3 or even 4 orgasms for himself each time we have sex. So this usually means I give him a bj and then we have intercourse twice. I don't have this kind of stamina, so by the end I'm sort of tired and spent, and it's just not fun for me. I'm starting to avoid sex because, while a quicker session sounds fun, the chore of 3-4 orgasms (for him) is not fun for me. We have discussed and fought about this a lot, so he knows how I feel. The compromise has been 2 orgasms, but he's always vaguely disappointed when we stop at 2, and I'm sick of being the one cutting us off. I guess I just want more variety, sometimes a quickie, sometimes more. I feel like things are skewed too far towards his pleasure, and I want a more mutual experience. Ideas? Advice?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

He wants this EVERY time?? Sounds pretty selfish to me. It also doesn't sound normal. I have never heard of a guy needing more than one orgasm to feel satisfied. WANTING more than one, sure, but NEEDING?? Nope.


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

What planet is your husband from, LOL??? Sounds like someone is watching way too much porn...


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Plan 9 from OS said:


> What planet is your husband from, LOL??? Sounds like someone is watching way too much porn...


Or taking way too much viagra


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

Hmm, how about he give you 4 orgasms first? Has he ever done that?

Frankly, I never would have indulged him in this. Sure, it's fun to have a marathon session every now and then, but every time is simply not do-able nor interesting. I'd lose interest in sex fast under those circumstances, leading to NO sex at all.

I have no idea how to get that across to him since you've already fought about it before, though.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Tell him Palmella will be happy to indulge him but you not so much.


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## PenguinCat (Jan 9, 2014)

Lol, okay so I'm not crazy ?!?!? My previous sexual partners were not physically able to have an erection or orgasm for like half an hour after orgasm, but dh is ready again immediately. I don't think it's porn. I think maybe it's a control thing, a little bit. I'm having a difficult time judging what's reasonable to expect in a marriage and what's "icing", like a fun treat for sometimes but not reasonable to demand regularly. Dh listens to my feelings, but then we always seem to fall back into the pattern of him wanting more/me getting tired and wanting to stop. I just don't want to be put in the role of withholder, since I think I'm pretty open and generous and trying to meet him halfway.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

How often do you have sex?


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## PenguinCat (Jan 9, 2014)

Hope1964 said:


> How often do you have sex?


Maybe 3 times a week. I would prefer more times but quicker. He'd prefer more and more...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

So have you ever asked him WHY he needs all these orgasms?? How does he feel if he has them vs if he doesn't? Are the first three just not satisfying? Or is he just greedy and wants more because they feel SOOOOO good??


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## barbados (Aug 30, 2012)

Seriously, this is not normal behavior. I don't care how old he is. This is some kind of mental thing, not any kind of physical need. Also, its not healthy mentally for you IMO.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

I'd have him see a dr. that might be in the excessive range.

there might be a health reason to explain this?

dose he ejaculate every time? thats almost hard to believe.

and do you orgasm every time? how long does a session last?

and does he take care of himself on top of all this?

is he generous sexually to you?


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## PenguinCat (Jan 9, 2014)

I think he's being greedy. Yes he ejaculates each time (well, maybe not much cum by 3rd or 4th). He could be more generous with me, but I could probably be more vocal about what I'd like. I'd like him to come up with some ideas about how to spice things up. I think we both think things are a little vanilla, but I don't want it to be all my responsibility to initiate new things. A little background...he's 44, I'm 40, we have 3 kids, generally a stable marriage.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

Has he always been like this? Could he be sneaking Viagra pills?


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

PenguinCat said:


> I think he's being greedy. Yes he ejaculates each time (well, maybe not much cum by 3rd or 4th). He could be more generous with me, but I could probably be more vocal about what I'd like. I'd like him to come up with some ideas about how to spice things up. I think we both think things are a little vanilla, but I don't want it to be all my responsibility to initiate new things. A little background...he's 44, I'm 40, we have 3 kids, generally a stable marriage.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


maybe if you just told him what you liked. he thinks hes the man because he can be the energizer bunny! 

I say initiate what do you got to lose. beside a sore vagina!


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Now I know how the sexless men feel. Though I am not sexless I have awesome stamina and would love it if my husband had that kind of stamina too!

Damn girl! Sorry, no empathy here.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

PenguinCat said:


> Dh and I have been married for ten years and generally have a satisfying sex life. But in the past couple years dh has started insisting on 2 or 3 or even 4 orgasms for himself each time we have sex. So this usually means I give him a bj and then we have intercourse twice. I don't have this kind of stamina, so by the end I'm sort of tired and spent, and it's just not fun for me. I'm starting to avoid sex because, while a quicker session sounds fun, the chore of 3-4 orgasms (for him) is not fun for me. We have discussed and fought about this a lot, so he knows how I feel. The compromise has been 2 orgasms, but he's always vaguely disappointed when we stop at 2, and I'm sick of being the one cutting us off. I guess I just want more variety, sometimes a quickie, sometimes more. I feel like things are skewed too far towards his pleasure, and I want a more mutual experience. Ideas? Advice?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Masturbate him in many different and varied ways.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

I'm a guy, and my suggestion is to toss him a bottle of lube and a penthouse after the first two, and tell him to knock himself out. His demands are like a woman insisting on 15 or 20 orgasms every time. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

PBear said:


> I'm a guy, and my suggestion is to toss him a bottle of lube and a penthouse after the first two, and tell him to knock himself out. His demands are like a woman insisting on 15 or 20 orgasms every time.
> 
> C
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I guess when you put it into this kind of perspective it does seem excessive.


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## MysticSoul (Mar 3, 2014)

Wow! I didn't even know men could recover that quickly!! Does he not get sensitive afterwards? How long does it take for him to reach climax? 

Maybe his drive gets kicked into high gear after the first orgasm? I know after that first O, I crave more and am already fired up willing to go another round - but I'm a girl, don't know if that makes a difference. 

I would ask him to see a doctor. I wonder if he's not feeling satisfied after O, and why.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

But what does HE say? You _think_ he's being greedy but have you asked him why he wants this?


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

PBear said:


> I'm a guy, and my suggestion is to toss him a bottle of lube and a penthouse after the first two, and tell him to knock himself out. His demands are like a woman insisting on 15 or 20 orgasms every time.
> 
> C
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Just because women _generally_ can orgasm more than men, doesn't mean we need to multiply a dude's numbers by 5.

Even then, I'd hesitate to say women do it 5 times as often. Few women are actually capable of more than one in a short period of time.


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## johnAdams (May 22, 2013)

Wow, impressive he can orgasm that much in one session.

If he has an erection lasting over 4 hours he may need to see a doctor. Not sure why, but that is what they say on television.

Enjoy it while he can do it that much


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

larry.gray said:


> Just because women _generally_ can orgasm more than men, doesn't mean we need to multiply a dude's numbers by 5.
> 
> Even then, I'd hesitate to say women do it 5 times as often. Few women are actually capable of more than one in a short period of time.


I freely admit to making my number up. But my SO is on about a 3 or 4 to 1 ratio to mine.

C


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

It's gone all over the map over the course of our marriage.

When we were first together, Mrs. Gray orgasmed every PIV and could occasionally do it via other means. She really liked oral, but didn't orgasm from it.

After kid #2 - her first v-birth - she couldn't orgasm most of the time we had sex. That lasted until recently. So for many years I WAY outdid her.

Now? We do have a 4:1 ratio. I can bring her to an orgasm in 3-5 minutes with oral. I love it, she loves it, so I'll give her 3 or 4 in a row that way.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

I'm on a 3:1 minimum. I can orgasm one after another as long as I can breath I'm good to keep going. Breathing is sometimes an issue though. I think I topped out at 12 one time, but that was before cancer. 

I hope the OP comes back with more info about what's up with her husband...I'd like to know what vitamins he takes!


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

The range of reactions over this thread is pretty interesting to read.

OP, maybe he is very attracted to you. Become ugly.


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## C3156 (Jun 13, 2012)

Wow. 3 to 4 orgasms every time and sex 3 to 4 times a week? For those that think this would be awesome, more power to you. Personally, I imagine that the OP feels a little like a cum depository instead of love partner.

As a guy once or twice is nice, but anything beyond that starts to be more like work. I enjoy a marathon session now and then but every time would get old quick. (Not to mention my dcik would get sore)


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

C3156 said:


> As a guy once or twice is nice, but anything beyond that starts to be more like work. I enjoy a marathon session now and then but every time would get old quick.


Do you work out? It's just another way of working out.



C3156 said:


> (Not to mention my dcik would get sore)


As long as she stays wet I've never had that problem.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

This seems unusual. It's certainly not mental, not control, because the physical response can't be controlled like that. There has to be a physical cause, and that's what's leading him to want the additional orgasms. Viagra can't result in extra orgasms, either - only in more robust/repeated erections. This may be one for a urologist to decipher. It's unusual to have more than 2 or 3 ejaculations within a single sex session, and more than that is rare.


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## Coldie (Jan 2, 2014)

PenguinCat said:


> Dh and I have been married for ten years and generally have a satisfying sex life. But in the past couple years dh has started insisting on 2 or 3 or even 4 orgasms for himself each time we have sex. So this usually means I give him a bj and then we have intercourse twice. I don't have this kind of stamina, so by the end I'm sort of tired and spent, and it's just not fun for me. I'm starting to avoid sex because, while a quicker session sounds fun, the chore of 3-4 orgasms (for him) is not fun for me. We have discussed and fought about this a lot, so he knows how I feel. The compromise has been 2 orgasms, but he's always vaguely disappointed when we stop at 2, and I'm sick of being the one cutting us off. I guess I just want more variety, sometimes a quickie, sometimes more. I feel like things are skewed too far towards his pleasure, and I want a more mutual experience. Ideas? Advice?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I am extremely supportive of men or women in sexless marriages. However, I am not supportive of always having orgasms just because you have a blow job or sex(or in this case, multiple orgasms).

Orgasms are a wonderful feeling, but for me sex is extremely intimate all the way up until the point of orgasm. The orgasm utlimately is the catalyst that ends the bonding. Orgasm or not, the act of bonding with your significant other is what makes it so special for me. It makes us feel united, close, one. But this concept is definitely too far out for this topic, or maybe even this forum. 

The short answer that makes way more sense than what I said above?

Your husband is selfish. Sex isn't about the number of orgasms and I think he enjoys sex for all the wrong reasons. If he wants to cum 5 times, tell him to go beat off 4 more times after you're done with him (and you've came once).


Also, you always start with a bj and make him orgasm prior to penetration. You're amazing. However, your lips must be sore!


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## PenguinCat (Jan 9, 2014)

He's not taking Viagra, never has. I thought that his, um, stamina was a little unusual, didn't realize how unusual. I think my issues right now are:
-I feel I'm giving almost all I can, sexually. In fact, I'm doing more than I want sometimes because I want to meet him halfway. I don't feel I'm withholding. And yet I'm often told during arguments that I don't pay enough attention to this thing he "needs" (multiple orgasms)
-I feel like this situation is wrecking my sexual self-esteem, because what I do in bed is never quite enough for dh
-I also feel like I'm starting to ignore/neglect my own sexual desires and preferences because I'm so focused on him
-I feel it's reasonable to want to stop when I'm physically uncomfortable (jaw hurting, sore vagina) and unfair of him to push me to that point

Mostly I'm here looking for affirmation that I'm not crazy and not being unreasonable. I need to find a way to work on this with dh because I'm starting to get bad performance anxiety.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## PenguinCat (Jan 9, 2014)

I tried to post but my post disappeared, so I'm trying again. 

Dh is not on Viagra, never has been. I didn't realize his stamina was so unusual (though I kind of suspected). Re: being greedy...I think sex for him starts out as genuinely wanting to be with me, wanting to connect, wanting us both to be happy. But by orgasm #3 he's so distracted by his own pleasure that he gets greedy for more. Greedy in the sense that he's ignoring my preferences. 

I posted here initially looking for affirmation that I'm not crazy, to maintain the courage to stick up for myself. My biggest issues right now:
-I'm really trying to meet dh halfway, and I really like to give him pleasure, and I'm tired of never being enough for him, and I don't like being in the withholder role. 
-I feel like I'm losing touch with my own preferences and desires because we're so focused on this marathon every time we have sex
-I'm getting performance anxiety

It's great just seeing other perspectives on this problem--I never discuss it with anyone irl
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## C3156 (Jun 13, 2012)

larry.gray said:


> Do you work out? It's just another way of working out.


True, especially abdominal. I am a distance runner but not typically in that way.




larry.gray said:


> As long as she stays wet I've never had that problem.


Maybe I need more marathon sessions...usually I just run out of time.


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## markster (Nov 20, 2012)

johnAdams said:


> Wow, impressive he can orgasm that much in one session.
> 
> If he has an erection lasting over 4 hours he may need to see a doctor. Not sure why, but that is what they say on television.
> 
> Enjoy it while he can do it that much



Erections lasting more than 4 hours are bad news. It can indicate a problem that could lead to irreversible damage in an area where the last thing you want is irreversible damage... It's called a Priapism.

As for 4 O's per session every session for a man? Yikes! I can't imagine. It sounds extraordinary and worth asking him more about it. From what I am reading and my own experience.. that's not normal. To say nothing of the demanding or expecting or it.

M


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## 12345Person (Dec 8, 2013)

I see nothing wrong with your husband to be honest.

Sex only 3 times a week should last enough to be satisfied. 3-4 orgasms really doesn't seem to be a big deal.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

PenguinCat said:


> He's not taking Viagra, never has. I thought that his, um, stamina was a little unusual, didn't realize how unusual. I think my issues right now are:
> -I feel I'm giving almost all I can, sexually. In fact, I'm doing more than I want sometimes because I want to meet him halfway. I don't feel I'm withholding. And yet I'm often told during arguments that I don't pay enough attention to this thing he "needs" (multiple orgasms)
> -I feel like this situation is wrecking my sexual self-esteem, because what I do in bed is never quite enough for dh
> -I also feel like I'm starting to ignore/neglect my own sexual desires and preferences because I'm so focused on him
> ...


Oh, sweetie. You are not crazy. Print out what you wrote here and give it to him.


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

I think your partners expectations are unrealistic and unfair. If he was willing to work to getting you off as hard as you are working for him, maybe that would be different. When sex is starting to become a chore for you, where before it was something to look forward to, then that is a huge problem. Marathon sex sessions may be great in theory, but quickies can vary things and not being expected to 'perform' like a trained monkey every time you have sex is absolutely essential for the feelings of love and acceptance.


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

I would consider using techniques to stop him ejaculating, build up to one big one instead of many small ones. Not every time, but maybe once or twice a week, he focuses on you with oral etc, whenever he's close you or he can use the holding the base of the penis or something to stop it.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Well two times at night three times a week is about what I go for myself. If he can do 4 times a night three nights a week I tip my hat to him. I thought I was HD but he has me beat with those numbers.


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