# I'm engaged and scared of losing myself



## ibeezzz (Mar 24, 2014)

Hi everyone!
Im a 29 year old woman, who has gone through life enjoying my biggest passion TRAVELING, I have lived in Germany, Czech Republic, Costa Rica, USA, been to Mexico, oh well you get the idea, and I met this amazing man 3 years ago and I had never ever thought I'd marry, never thought of children, and here I am engaged sometimes it feels like it's not me, like I talk about someone else, I worry I will lose myself, or worse I will get bored of being married.


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## Frank Banana (Mar 24, 2014)

ibeezzz said:


> Hi everyone!
> Im a 29 year old woman, who has gone through life enjoying my biggest passion TRAVELING, I have lived in Germany, Czech Republic, Costa Rica, USA, been to Mexico, oh well you get the idea, and I met this amazing man 3 years ago and I had never ever thought I'd marry, never thought of children, and here I am engaged sometimes it feels like it's not me, like I talk about someone else, I worry I will lose myself, or worse I will get bored of being married.


And then they say that men are afraid of commitment.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

ibeezzz...True committment and marriage are scary. I don't blame you! The risk of divorce is there for all marriages, and divorce really sucks. So take as much time as you need to be sure you are doing the right thing. If you need to ask him for another year to make sure of your feelings, do it. Some people just shouldn't marry before their mid 30's.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Don't get married feeling this way....it will become a self fulfilling prophecy...

I was the total opposite, my dream was to get married Young... and do everything with the love of my life.. going solo anywhere would bore me, I wouldn't find that fulfilling at all...

Do what brings *you* happiness...and hopefully a peace will come when it is the right time ..if it ever is...for you both to go forward with that commitment.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Frank Banana said:


> And then they say that men are afraid of commitment.


What's wrong with a woman being afraid of commitment?


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

If you feel this way, then you are not ready for marriage.


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

Does he enjoy your love of travel? Do your jobs allow travel? Does he have your same interest in traveling? i.e. if you enjoy traveling for the cultural or historical experience but he enjoys it for relaxation? That could be conflict or an area where compromise is needed.

Talk to him about this. He may be feeling the same way. If this is an important part of your lifestyle, then you both need to be on the same page. If you are, you'll feel very much relieved. 

As to children, do discuss if you both want them. But know that there ARE people who travel a LOT with kids! The ones I know home school and travel is a big part of their learning experience so know that it doesn't have to end but you do both need to have the same vision. 

If, after talking, you realize your life would change drastically, then maybe you should reconsider, as hard as that might be. Either way it will put your mind at ease.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

EnjoliWoman said:


> Does he enjoy your love of travel? Do your jobs allow travel? Does he have your same interest in traveling? i.e. if you enjoy traveling for the cultural or historical experience but he enjoys it for relaxation? That could be conflict or an area where compromise is needed.
> 
> Talk to him about this. He may be feeling the same way. If this is an important part of your lifestyle, then you both need to be on the same page. If you are, you'll feel very much relieved.
> 
> ...


:iagree: fully.

These are my thoughts as well.


I would just add one thing though, marriage is a new life in exchange for the old one.

I felt just like the OP , when I was on the final 100m stretch to the finish line of our marriage.
I bean to question myself and felt a bit scared deep inside. I knew that I had to give some things I used to enjoy doing and traveling solo was one of them.

I remember on our wedding day everything was almost a blur to me, lol, during the church ceremony I couldn't even find where on the contract to sign, lol , it was my wife who showed me and said " sign right here hun." The photographer captured that moment , even my apprehensive expression.

But that was more than 19 years ago.

Today, I have absolutely no regrets.

I think for some people like myself, doubts would always be there before.
But when all is said and done, we create our futures.


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## Redpill (Mar 20, 2014)

Don't get married would be my advice. You're only going to break this poor mans heart. 

Marriage is about being "one", about "joining together" with your husband. 

If you're not 100% committed to the idea of marriage then save him future heartache, and financial woe's by dumping him right now.

I think the swingin' and partyin' lifestyle is for you. As it is for many women these days.


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