# If I never have sex again I would be perfectly fine



## MaryB (Dec 29, 2010)

Before I got married I gave birth to my son in January 2009. Well months after giving birth sex was painful for me. We tried different positions and it was still painful. So I lost interest in having sex but we kept at it and everything started to get back to normal about 9 months after giving birth. I got married in November 2009 and since getting married my desire to have sex is not what it was before I gave birth. Right now if I never have sex again I would be perfectly fine. I'm not saying that the sex is not good. It is good and the oral is even better, but I just don't desire it as much. Only a few times I have approached him. He usually initiates it. I know marriage it's not just about me. That's why I want advice to see how I can add spice to my marriage while in my current situation. 

My husband was already a big guy and he has gained more weight since I first met him. All that weight now is unattractive to me, but I know that is something that can be changed by him working out and he is trying to do that. Also my husband works nights & weekends and he is usually home from work between 2am - 4am depending on the day of the week. There are only 2 days that we can enjoy each other after I get home from my 9-5 and all the other days he wants to wake me up when he comes in from work between 2am - 4am in the morning to mess around. He gets upset with me because I don't want to mess around. I just don't want to be bothered when I'm sleep. I have to get up around 6:30am to get dressed and get my son dressed to take him to daycare. 

There is no fun in making love when I'm sleep and my husband starts nudging me and kissing me to get up. It's not fair to me because he gets to sleep in all day. We don't get to spend quality time together anymore because of his work schedule. I am thankful for his job, but it's not helping with his quality of life to spend time with me. I believe that if we had that 1-on-1 time on a weekly basis that would help bring some romance and passion back. It will be like we are dating all over again. What do I do? Should I just bit my lip and get up every time he wants to mess around at 3 in the morning even though it is an inconvenience to me? Or do I set my clock to get me up a lil bit earlier so we can mess around before I get myself together for work?


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

i know how you feel about the sleep thing. unless the house is on fire i dont want anyone waking me up. you could try getting up a little earlier, but it sounds like that might make you resentful. whatever you do, do not do something that makes you feel resentful. its the hardest thing to get over.


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## Pandakiss (Oct 29, 2010)

its too easy to fall into the pattern of not haveing sex. use it or loose it, is pretty dead on. sometimes, i have sex, and i wasnt 100% into it, but love my husband, and at some point i will want it.

i fully understand about the waking up thing, either one or the other just has a longer day so it can be a little fore play. sometimes i wake up to a sex act going on, sometimes i really dont want it, dude i was sleeping.... but then i start thinking about those shoes ima buy, and that good dinner he gon make me tonite...

petty, keeping score??? dont know, but if im sleeping, and we didnt arrange it...hey take what you can get.

have you tried to stay up, like on friday nite or saturday when the kids dont have school?? what about now while its x-mas va-cay, the kids can stay up later watching a movie or just running around in circles, and they wont be up early in the AM.

you must communicate a time and a plan for these things. when work shifts sometimes you have to work around it. i read you work also, if hes home at 4 why cant you be wake up have sex watch him crash, and go make breakfast for your self, or ask him to stay up with you for an hour or so. just to talk and eat together. tell him to would go a long way in making early morning sex much more enjoyable for all.

im not trying to be like get used to being used...but you love your husband, and at some point all you wanted to do was jump his bones. try and remember how it was just to be near him, and how you couldnt get enough


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## JrsMrs (Dec 27, 2010)

Here's an idea which might work in your situation- how about a compromise where you don't mind getting a middle of the night wakeup now and then if he agrees to get up in the morning and get your son ready to go and take him to daycare. That way, you can sleep in a bit longer, since you only have yourself to get ready in the morning and don't need to make the extra stop on your way to work. I know how much more relaxed a morning is when the kids are being taken care of by someone else and you only have yourself to worry about! Then after your boy is dropped off, your dh can return home and head right back to bed if he wants. That way he also gets some more time with your son, at the same time as taking some of the load off your shoulders, which is good for everyone in the end.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

I doubt your husband's appearance has drastically changed in just a year. He works odd hours but I suspect he gets at least a day and probably two off each week. I would certainly inconvenience myself a little to meet my wife's basic needs, but I know everyone is different. At a minimum, I think you should make the most of whatever free time y'all have together. Sex is part of marriage and a normal human need. Meeting his need might be inconvenient, but having someone else meet it might be more inconvenient.


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## MaryB (Dec 29, 2010)

Thank you everyone for the responses. My husband is a hard working man and is doing a lot to provide for his family. I know he loves to be able to come home to some good loving......only to find me telling him "no, I'm tired"! Compromises will have to be made in order to keep our sex life going strong. If it means getting up a little earlier on some days or having that middle of the night wake up every now and then (as JrsMrs mentioned) then I need to sacrifice some time to be with my husband. I'm going to talk to my husband to see how we can make this work. Thanks!


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## MaryB (Dec 29, 2010)

unbelievable said:


> Meeting his need might be inconvenient, but having someone else meet it might be more inconvenient.


Aint that the truth!!!! So I need make sure I keep him happy. Giving up an hour of sleep here and there won't hurt. The last thing I want is for someone else to meet his needs.


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

You will end up divorced if you do not have sex with your husband. I'm not suggesting that you just "take it" either.

If you love him you have to adjust your schedule some so accommodate having a sex life.

What does he do for a living? Can he work towards getting on a day shift?


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## MaryB (Dec 29, 2010)

michzz said:


> You will end up divorced if you do not have sex with your husband. I'm not suggesting that you just "take it" either.
> 
> If you love him you have to adjust your schedule some so accommodate having a sex life.
> 
> What does he do for a living? Can he work towards getting on a day shift?


I believe that a strong marriage consists of a great sex life. I definitely need to adjust my schedule to make time so we can be together. 

He's a manager and is stuck on night shifts. The schedule he has sucks, but I need work around it because it is not going to change!


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

My brother does shift work and around the holidays can still get tapped for crazy hours. However, he made a concerted effort to get on days.

It took 6 years. But you know what?

His wife appreciated the effort so she stepped up her game too.


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## Serena (Jan 2, 2011)

I agree with JrsMrs. I don't like to be woke up in the middle of the night either, but I prefer morning sex. My husband prefers it at night. With the different sleep schedules, I think JrsMrs has a good idea with maybe scheduling it ahead of time. Go to bed early one night (if the little one will cooperate) so you'll be more rested. Like i said, I prefer the morning because I can get straight in the shower. Sometimes though we go ahead at night, and sometimes it lasts longer than I'd anticipated. I end up being tired the next day, but hey, that's fine! What better reason to be tired?! I think getting him to stay up and take your child to daycare is an EXCELLENT idea. Once or twice a week for y'all to compromise would probably make a huge improvement in your relationship.


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