# Want a divorce but my christian faith tells me different



## Jasmine07 (Jan 11, 2013)

I have been married for almost 8 years, my husband & I dated for 2 years. We have not been getting along for a while now & I want to walk away from this marriage but I said a vow & in Gods eyes its wrong to divorce. I loved my husband so much when we got married & would never even thought of ever leaving him, but now things have been going so wrong & it hurts knowing I let this get to where its at now. 
One its my fault I let it get to where its at now, if I just would of said something long ago, maybe things would be different. My husband never includes me in his kids graduations or there birthday parties, he either says there was not enough tickets or that they just wanted him & his ex-wife there. He goes to church with his ex-wife & his kids & tells me his kids want it that way. I understand its his kids, but I am his wife, don't I count too? What about my feelings & how I feel about him acting like a "family" with his ex-wife. I said something once & we got into this big arguement & he did not speak to me for weeks. Now it has just gotten worse, he has ran up to me & pushed his chest up aganist mine & stated what are you gonna do huh, what? I just tell him to back up & to get out of my face. He has stopped talking to me & there has not been any physical contact with him for months. I would never cheat on my husband nor would I ever remove my wedding ring, which he has done. He no long wears his ring & am not allowed to go to his daughters weddening either. He wants me only when he thinks it convenient for him. I don't know what to do & I don't know how to fix this or if this can be fixed. We went for counseling a few years back & he said the counsler did not know what he was talking about & that he was against him like everyone was, including me. Does anyone have advice thats comes from the heart


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Sorry, but I am pretty sure that in God's eyes it is wrong for your husband to be mentally abusing you the way that he does. Excluding you all this time, and now for his daughter's wedding?? That is just wrong. Him removing his ring the way he has is wrong. Is this how you want to live next 30 years of your life?


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

> I don't know what to do & I don't know how to fix this or if this can be fixed. We went for counseling a few years back & he said the counsler did not know what he was talking about & that he was against him like everyone was, including me. Does anyone have advice thats comes from the heart


Your husband took vows too. One of them was forsaking all others. He has not been doing that, but just the opposite.

I suggest you speak to your pastor about all of this, but to put it bluntly your husband has failed you as a spouse and you are not obligated to stay based on that.


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## Jasmine07 (Jan 11, 2013)

To 3xnocharm, No I don't want to live like this & I guess I never seen it as him mentally abusing me the way he has. I have called the police on him once for trying to throw me out the car & did not know where I was & him yelling at me that he should have me walk & find my way home & another time he at the house cause he kept yelling at me & pushed his chest up against me & was so close he was spitting in my face. about the ring I just noticed it yesterday & I just seen it in a picture with his daughter that he did not even have it on than. 

a bit much, I believe I take my vows to heart more than my husband. We don't go to the same church & neither does him & his ex-wife, she only goes to his church on Easter & Christmas as far as I know. I seen how he treated me & I just let it keep happening & I don't know why. I feel so hurt & ashamed for letting this happen to our marriage. I am not a good wife either, I don't cook for him anymore because every time I cook he never wants to eat what I cook & if I ask him what he wants me to cook, he tells me what ever. My last time I cooked for him, I had grilled on a hot day & made so much food & he comes home, walks upstairs & changes & his son comes by, I asked him did he want to eat & my husband says. No he does not, we are going to a baseball game. I asked him why didn't he tell me & he says to me well you know now, don't you. I got so upset I told him I would never cook for him again & haven't. I just don't want my feelings hurt anymore. I act like it things he does does not hurt me, but it does.. I have asked him to come talk to my Bishop & he says we are all crazy ppl & that he does not want to speak to crazy ppl.. Now that really hurt me so much I just walked away from him & went in our room. 

He is a good husband when he wants to be, if only he would see me & love me the way a husband is suppose to love his wife I would do anything for him. but I don't want to live like this anymore, it hurts too much. I pray to God to help me understand & what I should do, I just want the guy I dated to come back. He says I changed, but I just shut down so he can't hurt my feelings anymore. Yes I put the wall up to protect my heart & feelings, what else am I to do. I still wear my ring & I will wear this wedding band until we sign papers to dissolve our marriage.


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

Ephesians 5:25 says:

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her.

Do you feel that love? It begins with him as a husband. I'll go further...

Ephesians 5:26-29 says:

That He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church.

Jasmine you need to really think about how your husband is loving you. What you have described here sounds like a man still possibly in love with his ex-wife, not you. He sounds angry and resentful and he's taking it out on you, as if YOU are the cause of his making the mistake of leaving his first family. Don't settle for this. God doesn't want this for you. I'm a Christian, and though I don't go to church every Sunday I know what the word says and your husband is OUT OF ORDER.


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

Jasmine:

The ONLY solution is to go BY YOURSELF to counseling at YOUR HUSBAND'S CHURCH (since he can't claim 'they're crazy people'). They, too, will TELL YOU that HE IS NOT behaving like a proper Christian husband.

Have your H go to counseling WITH YOU at your husband's church. They will re-iterate that he is NOT behaving like a proper Christian husband. He will change his behavior, or he will not.

If he will NOT go to counseling with you, or he will go to counseling, but will NOT change. THEN LEAVE. Get a divorce (get a good attorney) and move on. See if your church will give you an annulment.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Your husband is not acting like a Christian, thus he is not really one. There is something in the Bible saying that if they are not Christian then just let them go.

Your husband is abusive to put it mildly. He's a man man who even uses the threat of violence to try to get you to do what he wants.

The only chance you have of fixing this is to be willing to lose your marriage.

See an attorney and find out your rights. Tell your husband that you are getting a divorce since he refuses to be a husband to you. 

If he cares he will change on a dime. If he does not care, you have your answer.


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## janefw (Jun 26, 2012)

Jasmine07 said:


> I have been married for almost 8 years, my husband & I dated for 2 years. We have not been getting along for a while now & I want to walk away from this marriage but I said a vow & in Gods eyes its wrong to divorce. I loved my husband so much when we got married & would never even thought of ever leaving him, but now things have been going so wrong & it hurts knowing I let this get to where its at now.
> One its my fault I let it get to where its at now, if I just would of said something long ago, maybe things would be different. My husband never includes me in his kids graduations or there birthday parties, he either says there was not enough tickets or that they just wanted him & his ex-wife there. He goes to church with his ex-wife & his kids & tells me his kids want it that way. I understand its his kids, but I am his wife, don't I count too? What about my feelings & how I feel about him acting like a "family" with his ex-wife. I said something once & we got into this big arguement & he did not speak to me for weeks. Now it has just gotten worse, he has ran up to me & pushed his chest up aganist mine & stated what are you gonna do huh, what? I just tell him to back up & to get out of my face. He has stopped talking to me & there has not been any physical contact with him for months. I would never cheat on my husband nor would I ever remove my wedding ring, which he has done. He no long wears his ring & am not allowed to go to his daughters weddening either. He wants me only when he thinks it convenient for him. I don't know what to do & I don't know how to fix this or if this can be fixed. We went for counseling a few years back & he said the counsler did not know what he was talking about & that he was against him like everyone was, including me. Does anyone have advice thats comes from the heart


Wow. I hate to be harsh but - in what way are you "married" to this man? He seems more married to his EW than he is to you. This is of course always a danger with second marriages but, right now, I wonder what there is of a marriage left?

Also - the abuse - it will probably only get worse. I'm sorry.


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## janefw (Jun 26, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> Your husband is not acting like a Christian, thus he is not really one. There is something in the Bible saying that if they are not Christian then just let them go.


1 Cor 7:15 - But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; *God has called us to live in peace*.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Jasmine07 said:


> To 3xnocharm, No I don't want to live like this & I guess I never seen it as him mentally abusing me the way he has. I have called the police on him once for trying to throw me out the car & did not know where I was & him yelling at me that he should have me walk & find my way home & another time he at the house cause he kept yelling at me & pushed his chest up against me & was so close he was spitting in my face. about the ring I just noticed it yesterday & I just seen it in a picture with his daughter that he did not even have it on than.
> 
> a bit much, I believe I take my vows to heart more than my husband. We don't go to the same church & neither does him & his ex-wife, she only goes to his church on Easter & Christmas as far as I know. I seen how he treated me & I just let it keep happening & I don't know why. I feel so hurt & ashamed for letting this happen to our marriage. I am not a good wife either, I don't cook for him anymore because every time I cook he never wants to eat what I cook & if I ask him what he wants me to cook, he tells me what ever. My last time I cooked for him, I had grilled on a hot day & made so much food & he comes home, walks upstairs & changes & his son comes by, I asked him did he want to eat & my husband says. No he does not, we are going to a baseball game. I asked him why didn't he tell me & he says to me well you know now, don't you. I got so upset I told him I would never cook for him again & haven't. I just don't want my feelings hurt anymore. I act like it things he does does not hurt me, but it does.. I have asked him to come talk to my Bishop & he says we are all crazy ppl & that he does not want to speak to crazy ppl.. Now that really hurt me so much I just walked away from him & went in our room.
> 
> He is a good husband when he wants to be, if only he would see me & love me the way a husband is suppose to love his wife I would do anything for him. but I don't want to live like this anymore, it hurts too much. I pray to God to help me understand & what I should do, I just want the guy I dated to come back. He says I changed, but I just shut down so he can't hurt my feelings anymore. Yes I put the wall up to protect my heart & feelings, what else am I to do. I still wear my ring & I will wear this wedding band until we sign papers to dissolve our marriage.


Yeah, they always blameshift and say that YOU changed. I stopped cooking for my ex husband as well, all he ever did was criticize and complain about everything I made, so I just gave up on it. Your husband is mean.


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

3Xnocharm said:


> Yeah, they always blameshift and say that YOU changed. I stopped cooking for my ex husband as well, all he ever did was criticize and complain about everything I made, so I just gave up on it. Your husband is mean.


I'm a huge believer of them doing it themselves. You criticize about what you get from me, it becomes your new job to manage on your own. 

And yes you've changed. You've stopped taking his mistreatment. BIG change.


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## Jasmine07 (Jan 11, 2013)

I know he not being a husband to me & it hurts so much. When I read old cards he has given me, I cry because thats when I knew he loved me. I don't know what I did wrong to have him treat me this way, I just don't like that I will be living my life without him in it. I know I have to let him go, but something inside me keeps me from talking to a divorce lawyer. I already went to a conference regarding a "womans rights on getting a divorce" only I haven't went back to see what my options are. I guess just thinking I will be divorced & on my own again, I am not some "spring chicken". I am in my late 40's & have left home at the age of 18 & I have kids of my own. My husband & I have no children together, which in a way is good. Our marriage really went down hill when I informed my husband of his daughters boyfriend feeling & rubbing on her behind. & how she direspected me when I told her to have him come upstairs & sit on the sofa, his daughter flung her hair to one side & said my dad knows he comes in my room & he did not come upstairs till they left. My husband said he asked his daughter & she said I was lying, so I said that his daughter boyfriend can come over only when he (my husband) was home, oh that fired him up & he said I was blowing this all out of propotion & that now his daughter will not be coming over no more because of me. I guess my opinons of what is right & wrong does not count


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## KathyBatesel (Apr 26, 2012)

The whole idea of divorce is one that Biblical scholars cannot agree upon very well. There's a long and detailed analysis of the way the Greek words that were used in the Bible have been interpreted over the years at Divorce and Remarriage in the Bible and still, there is no widespread agreement on what exactly *is* and *is not* the meaning of the Bible passages. And these variations are from people who work full time on interpreting the good book! 

Instead of relying on what your church or your minister tells you, I would encourage you to seek your own answers through your relationship with God. When Jesus said that no man should put asunder what God enjoined, there is one glaring question that I have not seen answered in my readings: How does one determine whether God or Man enjoined a particular marriage? 

Does God automatically approve and bless every marriage that comes about because man has exercised their free will? If so, doesn't that mean God is subject to man's will instead of man being subject to His? 

My personal interpretation is those marriages that are based on the principles found in the marriage vows - love, honor, cleaving unto each other and forsaking all others - will not be vulnerable to anyone who tries to come between the married couple. Only marriages that comply with these conditions can be said to be consistent with God's will, and marriages that do not have those principles operating are examples of what man, not God, has created. So for me, divorce is an option in some cases like adultery and abuse. 

There is a quote that I found very profound and that I hope you'll find helpful, too. I don't know the author and I can't remember it verbatim, but it went something like this: "We rejoice to be surprised and thrilled by unexpected twists and turns brought to us by authors like Proust or Hemingway, yet we presume to know God's will." 

The answer to whether your marriage was sanctioned by God is one that must be answered through your own relationship with your Creator.


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## janefw (Jun 26, 2012)

Jasmine07 said:


> I know he not being a husband to me & it hurts so much. When I read old cards he has given me, I cry because thats when I knew he loved me. I don't know what I did wrong to have him treat me this way, I just don't like that I will be living my life without him in it. I know I have to let him go, but something inside me keeps me from talking to a divorce lawyer. I already went to a conference regarding a "womans rights on getting a divorce" only I haven't went back to see what my options are. I guess just thinking I will be divorced & on my own again, I am not some "spring chicken". I am in my late 40's & have left home at the age of 18 & I have kids of my own. My husband & I have no children together, which in a way is good. Our marriage really went down hill when I informed my husband of his daughters boyfriend feeling & rubbing on her behind. & how she direspected me when I told her to have him come upstairs & sit on the sofa, his daughter flung her hair to one side & said my dad knows he comes in my room & he did not come upstairs till they left. My husband said he asked his daughter & she said I was lying, so I said that his daughter boyfriend can come over only when he (my husband) was home, oh that fired him up & he said I was blowing this all out of propotion & that now his daughter will not be coming over no more because of me. I guess my opinons of what is right & wrong does not count


Do you have family and friends who will support you? Are your children adults or still living with you? Do you have a source of income or a way to get a job to support yourself/children? Are you in the US or another country? 

Of course your opinon _should _matter. You took a stand, and neither he nor his daughter wanted to accept the boundaries that you gave to her. If she won't come over any more because you won't let her misbehave in your house, then that's actually a good thing.

I don't think that you are going to 'win' this one.


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## Jasmine07 (Jan 11, 2013)

I have all grown children in there middle 20's, so I don't have any little children... Thank God. all this children are grown also, youngest is 19yrs old the has 3 chidren, in my heart I think he only married me to take care of his children when he was away on business trips, that his children would be tooken care of a christian woman, someone who does not drink, smoke, swear, or go anywhere but to work & church.... Mmmm now I am really thinking here


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## Mr Blunt (Jul 18, 2012)

Jasmine

From what you wrote I conclude that your husband’s actions are causing your emotions to die or be much damaged.

That being the case then would you consider separation? Perhaps a separation that has NO CONTACT at all. Consider getting a plan, then when you are ready just leave him a letter (sample suggestion below) then leave without any contact.

This will be very hard on you but according to what you wrote this difficulty will be a lot less painful than what you are going through right now.

By setting him free and no contact he may start thinking differently and realize that he wants to put in the work to get you back and make it work. You may also lose him for good. That is why you will need spiritual support from God and others. I know that this method is taking a chance but really what options do you have?

*You cannot stay in a relationship that is killing your emotions so this method will be taking a chance that you and your husband can make it in the future or if it does not work you can start to rebuild your life with God*.



> *Sample suggested letter*
> Husband, I've been through some very tough moments since you decided to exclude me from important events in your life. My love for you is so profound that I just couldn't face the possibility of life without you. To a person like me, who expected to marry and to remain committed for life, it is a severe shock to see our relationship begin to unravel. Nevertheless, I have done some intense soul-searching, and I now realize that I have been attempting to hold you against your will. That simply can't be done.
> 
> As I reflect on our courtship and early years together, I'm reminded that you married me of your own free choice. I did not blackmail you or twist your arm or offer you a bribe. It was a decision you made without pressure from me. Now you say you want out of the marriage, and obviously, I have to let you go. I'm aware that I can no more force you to stay today than I could have made you marry me in _________. I am setting you free from me. If you never call me again, then I will accept your decision.
> ...


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## Blonde (Jan 7, 2013)

IDK, never been a second wife. But as a first wife with children getting married and grandchildren, etc... he will have them FOREVER. That is what you married into.

Not being invited to weddings, seems to me that is up to the bride and groom?

I realize it hurts, but those are his children and grandchildren.

Pray about it long and hard. And listen to the still small voice of the Lord.


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## See_Listen_Love (Jun 28, 2012)

About every sentence in your original post is reason to quit. He is a determined sinner and you have to free yourself of this abuse.

File for divorce, you follow the royal way, letting him know how far he has gone in abusing you.

That gives him time to repent and change. If not, you are out. Believe me, Jezus is asking very different behaviour from us than your husband displays...

Find someone else who does love you.


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## Jasmine07 (Jan 11, 2013)

I keep asking the Lord to give me strength to go on because I married him & believed in him. I just don't understand how someone who said they loved me & my kids & turn around & be so rude, judgemental, & mean. I keep thinking what is it I am doing wrong Lord, what am I doing, I ask him to show me & I am waiting. I clean the house from top to bottom, may take me two days but we have a 4 levels to our home. I shovel the snow in the winter, I clean the yard, I take the lawn furniture out in the summer & put it back in the fall. I keep myself in shape, I work, go to church, love life itself. Family is very important to me & when he use to go & stay months in a different state I took care of his kids every weekend. I made sure his son did not eat certain foods due to his allergies & his kids got up for school every morning & made sure they had food to eat for supper. I took care of his kids, just like I did mine, only thing I never had a say so if they went any where after school, they would call there dad or ask there mom. I was not allowed to say no or yes to them. I felt like a nanny instead of there stepmom & my husband let them treat me that way, till I got tired & told him for now on your kids will stay with there mom until you come home from one of your trips out of state, if they are here in this house I should have a say so in what they can and can not do, I am taking care of them not you nor your exwife, so instead of me having my feelings hurt, I told him I will not take care of them no more while he is not here. He & his exwife can do that, he did not like that & started yelling at me & said I thought my kids were better than his & that I just did not want to watch them & that this is there house too & they can stay at the house if they want, so I informed him if I was not here to watch them & your kids are under age to be here by themselves the authorties can take them because there is no one to take care of them, they are to young to stay here by themselves for 4 days. He got really pissed & did not talk to me for a while, but not before he called me a mean b***h.


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## Blonde (Jan 7, 2013)

Jasmine07 said:


> I have all grown children in there middle 20's, so I don't have any little children... Thank God. all this children are grown also, youngest is 19yrs old the has 3 chidren,* in my heart I think he only married me to take care of his children when he was away on business trips, that his children would be tooken care of a christian woman, someone who does not drink, smoke, swear, or go anywhere but to work & church.*... Mmmm now I am really thinking here


Yep. Babysitter with benefits.

Leave him and don't feel guilty about it. God doesn't look down with approving smile on a bait and switch sham of a "marriage". Your H made and broke vows to "love and cherish" two women now. He's the one who has broken your marriage IMO.


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## stuck in los angeles (Feb 15, 2013)

I'm strugling with this myself. When two get married, each is supposed to leave and cleave. Was the marriage counseling in the church? I've been pulling back from my spouse emotionally and let it be known that I'm seriously contemplating leaving. She has changed her tune a lot since then but not sure how long that will work. Meanwhile, one of my devout friends is telling me to give it time to work out and God will deal with her. My Pastor often states the same through scripture. My faith is not that strong and I'm not getting any younger, so I can relate to your tough decision. Maybe you could try pulling back and work on yourself for awhile. Make plans for several conclussions, whether you stay or go. Good luck to you.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

It would seem your husband has already broken his vows in a big way.


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## paul419 (Feb 20, 2013)

This is painful to hear. He will need to find the reason to change. You can't make him change. You are feeling guilt, but you have done nothing wrong. You are making yourself feel like the bad person, but you are the only working to make it right. I can't imagine two separated people that have other partners coming to church and sitting together. I can see him or you and him sitting with his kids, but the other would seem to go against alot of biblical principles. I'm sorry this is very tough on you.


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## stuck in los angeles (Feb 15, 2013)

Your situation has a lot of parallels to mine. Long business trips out of town, a very selfish and unappreciative spouse. A spouse not responding to pleas for working on the marriage, and a supposedly Christian spouse who does not know what it means to be a Christian. This long suffering thing is hard. I see that like you are doing, I also liked to remember the old, better days of the relationship and hoping it could be that way again.

I think as long as you're pursuing him, he is in control. Google "The 180" and think about trying that if you want to keep the marriage. Maybe a separation would be good but I would talk to an attorney first. You want to make the best choices in case it does go to divorce court.


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## Wazza (Jul 23, 2012)

I don't think the bible gives you permission to divorce in these circumstances, sadly, unless he is actually cheating on you with his ex wife.

I don't know what to suggest. It sucks.

I would consider separation at least, as a lever to get him to act.


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## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

Your husband is putting his ex-wife before you. I agree with SGW, go talk to the pator at your husband's church. Apprise him of the situationwith your husband. Ask his advice.


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## 28down (Feb 26, 2013)

Pray, let God work in him, you can't change him, read the WORD and Pray.


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## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

A great book on prayer for wives is The Power of a Praying Wife by Stormie Omartian. My wife read this book and it changed her prayer life. God changed my life in answer to her prayers. God hears prayers prayed with a right heart.


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## Married in VA (Jan 6, 2012)

Jasmine,
You have come to a secular message board seeking Christian advice. The place to go for that is your church or your husband's church. 

The only acceptable ground for divorce in the bible between believers is adultery. If that has not happened in your marriage, you cannot divorce under biblical principals.

BUT

You can separate for a time to give your husband time to figure himself out so you can come back together as husband and wife. You do NOT have to live with abuse and your husband is not holding up or demonstrating his beliefs based on what you wrote. 

Divorce is very rarely a solution to much of anything.

Many on this site are bitter from their own situations and will simply tell you "divorce the bastard", etc. 

I will pray for you and your situation. I recommend you don't seek biblical advice from a secular website. It may not always be the best.

If you divorce your husband and remarry, you will be guilty of adultery as laid out in the scriptures. This is NOT an easy belief system in our society of easy lovin...


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

Married in VA said:


> The only acceptable ground for divorce in the bible between believers is adultery. If that has not happened in your marriage, you cannot divorce under biblical principals.


What kind of god wants people to stay in abusive marriages?

Anyway, her husband IS guilty of adultery. Maybe he isn't having sex with his ex wife right now (for all the OP knows), but he most certainly is not putting his wife first and forsaking all others. Thus, he is cheating with his ex.


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## AWorkInProgress (Dec 6, 2012)

I'm guessing that your husband is banking on your Christian beliefs and virtues so that you will never leave. He has no reason to change.


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## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

norajane said:


> What kind of god wants people to stay in abusive marriages?
> 
> Anyway, her husband IS guilty of adultery. Maybe he isn't having sex with his ex wife right now (for all the OP knows), but he most certainly is not putting his wife first and forsaking all others. Thus, he is cheating with his ex.


The same kind of God that loves people who hate Him.


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

I don't hate Him, sandc, I just don't believe all the human-interepreted 'religion' that surrounds Him.


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## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

SlowlyGettingWiser said:


> I don't hate Him, sandc, I just don't believe all the human-interepreted 'religion' that surrounds Him.


That's the thing. Christianity isn't a religion. I think God hates religion as much as you do. I'm not particularly fond of it even though I'm a deacon. Organized religion is a human institution and is therefor fallible and corrupt. Christianity is a relationship with our Creator. When you meet a true Christian, you know it. 

Don't let "the church" put you off that relationship. There are good ones out there.


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## CanadianGuy (Jun 17, 2012)

Invisible chains are the strongest of them all.


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

I love how everyone seems to know what is right and wrong in God's eyes. God didn't write the Bible. Things are lost in translation. If there is a God, I don't believe he wants pain and suffering - I don't buy the "it was God's will" crap. Do you think this was God's will? Because I don't.

The BIBLE says "let no man put asunder what God has joined together". Your husband is the one who has put asunder what God joined together, not you. He is the one who failed in God's eyes. I assume you have divorced once before since you have grown children. Why is it not OK this time?


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## Wazza (Jul 23, 2012)

Married in VA said:


> Jasmine,
> You have come to a secular message board seeking Christian advice. The place to go for that is your church or your husband's church.
> 
> The only acceptable ground for divorce in the bible between believers is adultery. If that has not happened in your marriage, you cannot divorce under biblical principals.
> ...


Lots of Christians on this website. 

Don't see a problem with being here for advice, but agree you should measure what you get told against the word of God.


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## Wazza (Jul 23, 2012)

norajane said:


> What kind of god wants people to stay in abusive marriages?
> 
> Anyway, her husband IS guilty of adultery. Maybe he isn't having sex with his ex wife right now (for all the OP knows), but he most certainly is not putting his wife first and forsaking all others. Thus, he is cheating with his ex.


As to when God wants divorce, a simple / simplistic view is in the case of adultery. So you need to go back and understand what satisfies that condition...something I am curious about but heave not studied because time is short and it is not a burning issue for me.

And directly relevant to your point.

But as I read things, God wants us to work at relationships and not give up. My wife and I have a great marriage today precisely because we did that. Hard, but boy we have learned a lot.


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## Wazza (Jul 23, 2012)

EnjoliWoman said:


> I love how everyone seems to know what is right and wrong in God's eyes. God didn't write the Bible. Things are lost in translation. If there is a God, I don't believe he wants pain and suffering - I don't buy the "it was God's will" crap. Do you think this was God's will? Because I don't.
> 
> The BIBLE says "let no man put asunder what God has joined together". Your husband is the one who has put asunder what God joined together, not you. He is the one who failed in God's eyes. I assume you have divorced once before since you have grown children. Why is it not OK this time?


Last time vs this time, good question.

Biblical teaching....well if you don't accept the bible it is irrelevant but I would point you to Matthew 19:1-9 which describes a conversation between Christ and the Pharisees on marriage. Draw your own conclusions. I am not 100% comfortable with it..for example what about domestic violence? But the bible exists to bring me closer to God, not to make me comfortable.


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

I have a hard time believing that the Bible is the word of God. With all of the language barriers, translations, human errors, not even considering that just maybe they made this stuff up like a fable to use to teach people to behave, it just doesn't seem that it is the definitive, end-all guide to life.

We don't slaughter animals for sacrifice or have multiple wives. We don't do a lot of things acceptable nor even expected, that are in the bible. How can someone who proclaims to follow the bible to the letter pick and choose which passages are relevant? To me it's a rough guide as a result of some meditation/prayer where someone THOUGHT God spoke to them. Much like philosophers. 

But since this isn't the Biblical Debate thread, I just don't think any deity wants someone to suffer emotional abuse at the hands of someone unwilling to even consider change or the other person's feelings. It takes two to make a marriage work and I think it's absolutely GREAT that a lot of couples can overcome extreme obstacles to develop a wonderful relationship but in those instances it did take two and in the OPs marriage, he is just not willing or interested in changing anything or taking his wife's needs into consideration.


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## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

EW, have you actually read the Bible or just skimmed parts of it? I have read it cover to cover twice and the Bible most certainly does NOT command us to have multiple wives or sacrifice animals. It tells us to have one wife, one husband, to love that person more than we love ourselves. If BOTH partners can do that, it makes for a wonderful marriage.

Sorry, but I just had to respond to that. Threadjack over.


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

sandc said:


> EW, have you actually read the Bible or just skimmed parts of it? I have read it cover to cover twice and the Bible most certainly does NOT command us to have multiple wives or sacrifice animals. It tells us to have one wife, one husband, to love that person more than we love ourselves. If BOTH partners can do that, it makes for a wonderful marriage.
> 
> Sorry, but I just had to respond to that. Threadjack over.


Yeah bit it's been a loooooooong time. I was curious. (Oh, I did skip the 'so-and-so begot so-and-so book) Maybe that was Old Testament.

But I do know men are supposed to treat their wives kindly. And he obviously does not.


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## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

That is very true, and I will also concede that if he is abusive and spends most of the time with his XW he is displaying an adulterous heart. A case could be made to OP's church leadership at her church to allow for a divorce. I can only use our church as an example, the unrepentant husband would be counseled, then admonished, then brought under discipline (no communion). Ultimately if he didn't respond to any of the above he would be expelled from the membership of the church and his current wife in this case would be allowed to divorce him with a clear conscience.

Adultery is a heart sin, not just a physical sin. Adultery is committed in the heart long before it becomes a physical sin.


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## Married in VA (Jan 6, 2012)

And back to the original thread.

OP,
You don't have to live with abuse. The scripture does not forbid separation for a time to work on these issues. Husbands are commanded to love their wives as Christ loved the church.

Christ DIED for the church. The husband is to love his wife enough to give his own life for her. 

However, the bible doesn't allow for divorce should he fail to meet that high standard. 

The bible does permit separation for domestic violence. The bible also commands us to follow the laws of where we live unless they conflict with GOD's law. Domestic violence is illegal in all 50 states and there are restraining orders to deal with that. 

Again, your husband is failing at his role but that doesn't allow for divorce unless PHYSICAL adultery is present. Spending time with another woman in a platonic fashion is NOT adultery.

Adultery is from the Latin word adulterare which means to corrupt or spoil. In biblical greek it carried the meaning of "to defile the marriage bed". It means sex with someone who isn't your spouse while fornication is sex between unmarried people. BOTH are sins.

There are a lot of Christians here and there are a lot of NON Christians here. All, of course, are welcome, but you must understand that the views will vary widely. Take what is said here and bounce it off your belief system.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

> *SandC said:* That is very true, and I will also concede that if he is *abusive* and spends most of the time with his XW *he is displaying an adulterous heart*. A case could be made to OP's church leadership at her church to allow for a divorce. I can only use our church as an example, the unrepentant husband would be counseled, then admonished, then brought under discipline (no communion). Ultimately if he didn't respond to any of the above he would be expelled from the membership of the church and his current wife in this case would be allowed to divorce him with a clear conscience.













Let's speak about *ABUSE *.... 

I do not believe God wants us to remain in a marriage that causes us misery... tied to a selfish man neglecting his wife's needs, her place in the home & family...what IF his motive was to have his children taken care of...his house kept...cheaper than hiring a nanny....and because of her Virtue...he is banking on her "black & white" thinking to keep her oppressed and under His "control". 

Abusive Men: Top 10 Signs of an Abusive Man 


> We have broken down the top 10 signs of an abusive man. If your partner exhibits one or more of these signs, it may be time to reevaluate your relationship and seek help or get out.
> 
> *1.* *Jealousy & Possessiveness* – Becomes jealous over your family, friends, co-workers. Tries to isolate you. Views his woman and children as his property instead of as unique individuals. Accuses you of cheating or flirting with other men without cause. Always asks where you’ve been and with whom in an accusatory manner.
> 
> ...


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## Jasmine07 (Jan 11, 2013)

To try to answer most questions on here, I will try my best. I thank each & everyone of you for your kinds words & for helping me. This has been so hard on me & my faith in God is so strong & I love God more than anything, I never knew I could love someone that I have never seen with my own eyes, but the love I could not even exsplain, I just know I love him with everythng inside. In my 1st marriage I was Catholic & did not really know God, like I do now. In my 1st marriage my husband left me a few months after he became a police officer said he wanted the single life & did not want a family life anymore, I loved him so much I told him if that was going to make him happy than go, I always wanted you to be happy & if staying with me & having a family is going to make you unhappy, than leave. He did & 3 months later he wanted to come back, but I morned as if he died, I was in such a dark place & wanted to end my life from the pain of a loss of a loved one. It took alot of crying, talking to God, & just waiting for the pain to go away. My ex-husband gave me the guilt trip, stating I was his wife & that I should be giving him a 2nd chance & which I did, but my heart & the love I had for him was gone. So we tried for about 2 months & I just couldn't do it, couldn't fake a love, couldn't stand him touching me or holding me. So I told him good bye & filed for divorce a year after that (in 2000). I became aborn again CHRISTian in 2002, I felt that I had tried to live my life my way & it was not working, so I gave my heart, my life, my soul, my body to the LORD JESUS CHRIST. God has given me so much love & I always want to please my Lord & not have him look down on my with dissatisfaction or bring him sorrow. I try my best to be the kind of groom the Lord wants me to be. I would never ever cheat on my husband no matter what he did to me. I made a vow to love, honor, & respect. I don't yell at my husband & we don't argue. I am the kind of woman who walks away if you start yelling cause I don't like to yell, but don't get me wrong if you keep following me & keep yelling at me I will raise my voice. He calls me being CHRISTian & faith crazy, my congragaton he stated "are crazy ppl" now that hurts alot & he knows that is how he can make me cry & hurt me, which he has done plenty of times; but now when he says that I just walk away & leave in my jeep & cry somewhere. I don't want him to see the pain he has caused me anymore, he feeds off it. We were married for 1 year when he was talking & seeing his ex-girlfriend he left his ex-wife for, I found out by that little voice within that speaks to you & lets you know something is wrong. well I investigated & stated looking through phone records on our cell phone bill & looked at minutes, well found her number called her from the house phone she though it was him & when I said my name, she knew who I was. we spoke for a while & she said he calls her & that they meet & talk. well I waited for him to come home & he was pissed at me cause she called him saying I called her & was questioning her. I asked him for a divorce & he started crying & begging me to stay that he was sorry & that we could work it out to give him a chance & that we made a vow to God. thats when we went to counsling for a while & I forgave him, but I don't trust him like I use to. Sad but I am trying, I really am. The list one of the members here on the site put up made my jaw drop, almost all of them he is, I pray he changes, because if I keep changing not for the bad but for the better, because I am getting really close to God. I thought my husband was a believer in God as I was, but he wasn't  He takes what he wants to believe out of the Bible & lives that way. Yes I use to read the Bible to him, we use to sit & her CHRISTian songs together, pray together, now I am crazy for doing the things he said he liked doing with me & thats spending time with CHRIST.


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

In every thing in life you should try to seek balance. This is especially true in relationships. If you conduct yourself in a manner that clearly expresses you have no time or room for anyone else, people will turn away from you. Faith is something within you that you can't force others to understand. Your husband may find your newfound relationship with God threatening. It's easy for people to mock and even fear what they don't understand.

That said, it seems to me that the deeper you involve yourself in your faith the further away your husband will go. IMO that's not a bad thing, you two seem completely incompatible. Not to mention his other issues he needs to deal with.


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## Jasmine07 (Jan 11, 2013)

Its funny how when we we dating he wanted to know so much about the Lord & even went to church with me. Introduced him to Contemporary Christian music & how he like to hear the songs, even borrowed cd's from me. He reads the Bible still but only what his church has for that Sunday. I can not stop spending time with the Lord for him, he is my husband, but he can not get me into heaven or save my soul. Only one person can do that & thats JESUS CHRIST. If he does not understand the relationship I have with Christ, which should not be a shock to him because when we were dating I was a born again christian, so anything I do with Christ is no surprise to him, this is how I was when he met me & wanted me to be his wife. As he said "Your what I was looking for, I am waiting for you to change & show your fangs, because women I date always show there good side for a few months" well my husband & I dated for 2 years before we got married. like I stated he even went to church with me & wanted to join my church so we could get married the church I attend. So like the saying goes; Even satin knows what us CHRISTian woman are looking for in a man & will deceive you.


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## Mr Blunt (Jul 18, 2012)

jasmine

if your husband cheated then you are free to divorce him.
It seems that you maybe a person that is best single and committed to God. That way you can be fully consentrated on God and not have to be concerned about a husband


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

Jasmine07 said:


> Its funny how when we we dating he wanted to know so much about the Lord & even went to church with me. Introduced him to Contemporary Christian music & how he like to hear the songs, even borrowed cd's from me. He reads the Bible still but only what his church has for that Sunday. I can not stop spending time with the Lord for him, he is my husband, but he can not get me into heaven or save my soul. Only one person can do that & thats JESUS CHRIST. If he does not understand the relationship I have with Christ, which should not be a shock to him because when we were dating I was a born again christian, so anything I do with Christ is no surprise to him, this is how I was when he met me & wanted me to be his wife. As he said *"Your what I was looking for, I am waiting for you to change & show your fangs, because women I date always show there good side for a few months" *well my husband & I dated for 2 years before we got married. like I stated he even went to church with me & wanted to join my church so we could get married the church I attend. So like the saying goes; Even satin knows what us CHRISTian woman are looking for in a man & will deceive you.


You've been down this road before and should know that people are on their best behavior when dating. And he seems to project onto you the very thing he's doing. 

I agree with Mr Blunt's response. You may be one of those people that should be single.


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## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

Mr Blunt said:


> jasmine
> 
> if your husband cheated then you are free to divorce him.
> It seems that you maybe a person that is best single and committed to God. That way you can be fully consentrated on God and not have to be concerned about a husband


:iagree:

But if he has not cheated on you (this is doubtful) then scripture says you must remain married to him. Just devote yourself to God and let Him take care of things.

_I Corithinans 7

13 If any Christian woman is married to a man who is an unbeliever, and he is willing to live with her, she should not divorce her husband. 14 Actually, the unbelieving husband is made holy because of his wife, and an unbelieving wife is made holy because of her husband. Otherwise, their children would be unacceptable to God, but now they are acceptable to him. 15 But if the unbelieving partners leave, let them go. Under these circumstances a Christian man or Christian woman is not bound by a marriage vow. God has called you to live in peace. 16 How do you as a wife know whether you will save your husband? How do you as a husband know whether you will save your wife?_


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## Blonde (Jan 7, 2013)

Jasmine07 said:


> He calls me being CHRISTian & faith crazy, my congragaton he stated "are crazy ppl" now that hurts alot & he knows that is how he can make me cry & hurt me, which he has done plenty of times; but now when he says that I just walk away & leave in my jeep & cry somewhere. I don't want him to see the pain he has caused me anymore, he feeds off it.
> ...
> I asked him for a divorce & he started crying & begging me to stay that he was sorry & that we could work it out to give him a chance & that we made a vow to God....
> 
> Yes I use to read the Bible to him, we use to sit & her CHRISTian songs together, pray together, now I am crazy for doing the things he said he liked doing with me & thats spending time with CHRIST.


Stands out to me how he USES "God" to manipulate and control you.


“This know also, that in the last days perilous times shall come. For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy,Without natural affection, trucebreakers, false accusers, incontinent, fierce, despisers of those that are good, Traitors , heady, highminded, lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God; *Having a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof: from such turn away.*” 2 Tim 3:1-5
​


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## Blonde (Jan 7, 2013)

Here is the Amplified version:

But understand this, that in the last days will come (set in) perilous times of great stress and trouble [hard to deal with and hard to bear].
2 For people will be lovers of self and [utterly] self-centered, lovers of money and aroused by an inordinate [greedy] desire for wealth, proud and arrogant and contemptuous boasters. They will be abusive (blasphemous, scoffing), disobedient to parents, ungrateful, unholy and profane.
3 [They will be] without natural [human] affection (callous and inhuman), relentless (admitting of no truce or appeasement); [they will be] slanderers (false accusers, troublemakers), intemperate and loose in morals and conduct, uncontrolled and fierce, haters of good.
4 [They will be] treacherous [betrayers], rash, [and] inflated with self-conceit. [They will be] lovers of sensual pleasures and vain amusements more than and rather than lovers of God.
5 *For [although] they hold a form of piety (true religion), they deny and reject and are strangers to the power of it [their conduct belies the genuineness of their profession]. Avoid [all] such people [turn away from them]*. 2 Tim 3​


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## Fledgling (Feb 3, 2013)

A Bit Much said:


> In every thing in life you should try to seek balance. This is especially true in relationships. If you conduct yourself in a manner that clearly expresses you have no time or room for anyone else, people will turn away from you. Faith is something within you that you can't force others to understand. Your husband may find your newfound relationship with God threatening. It's easy for people to mock and even fear what they don't understand.
> 
> That said, it seems to me that the deeper you involve yourself in your faith the further away your husband will go. IMO that's not a bad thing, you two seem completely incompatible. Not to mention his other issues he needs to deal with.


I agree, on the surface they are incompatible, right now. I am christian myself but I would not go so far as to call myself "born again". Many of my views are still very secular but I have to admit that I am much more joyous when Jesus is in my life and I feel more relaxed and at peace with myself. Which is what her husband is drawn to I bet and why he came back.

OP, you need to be honest about Christ's role in your life. It sounds to me like you have set up Christ to be the OM in your relationship rather than the saviour of it. You must cherish your husband. You can't put too much time into developing a relationship with Christ. But the Lord also tells us to cherish our husbands. You are becoming closer to Him by following his edicts to be a good wife and mother. * There are many ways to become close to Christ and many of them are found in how you respect your husband. * It's not always about praying and church going. You must look to God in all the things he has provided for you and charged to your care. You cannot *neglect *your Husband by saying that Christ comes first. It sounds to me like you are paying to much attention to the Word of God and less to the Spirit behind it.


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## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

VERY well said, Fledgling.


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## Blonde (Jan 7, 2013)

Fledgling said:


> . You are becoming closer to Him by following his edicts to be a good wife and mother. * There are many ways to become close to Christ and many of them are found in how you respect your husband. *


Fledgling, not being an evangelical Christian, you may not understand what a huge trap that teaching can be. If someone is behaving in an abusive disrespectful manner, the spouse should not feel like GOD wants her to walk around on eggshells making sure he never feeeeeeeeeels disrespected.

Mocking her faith when it suits him is massively disrespectful and unacceptable. It should not be rewarded with a meek, mild, compliant response. That makes the monster grow IME. If she wants to keep trying with this man, she needs to learn to stand up for herself and call him out on his unacceptable behavior.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

So, J07, believing in God sentences you to a life of misery with a man who verbally and emotionally abuses you, disrespects you, and cheats on you?? Doesnt sound like any kind of God I would want to believe in. My God loves me no matter what and my living in misery would disrespect him and bring unhappiness to him, as he wishes me to be fulfilled.


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## Fledgling (Feb 3, 2013)

Blonde said:


> Fledgling, not being an evangelical Christian, you may not understand what a huge trap that teaching can be. If someone is behaving in an abusive disrespectful manner, the spouse should not feel like GOD wants her to walk around on eggshells making sure he never feeeeeeeeeels disrespected.
> 
> Mocking her faith when it suits him is massively disrespectful and unacceptable. It should not be rewarded with a meek, mild, compliant response. That makes the monster grow IME. If she wants to keep trying with this man, she needs to learn to stand up for herself and call him out on his unacceptable behavior.


That is definately not what I want to convey at all. It IS disrespectful for him to mock her. My conclusion is due to the the fact that he used to do these things with her like bible readings, but no longer does, that it seems that he once was open to her religion. It seems his tone shifted when he felt that her religion was "more important" than him. That if he wasn't as devout as her then he was unworthy of her. He should never be more important than Jesus, but she is not respecting her faith by ignoring her husband either. 

1 Peter 3:1 Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that *even if some do not obey the word*, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives

People always look at the word submit but they should be looking at the part where _they may be won by the conduct of their wives._ Even if they are not obeying God's word themselves.


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## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

Fledgeling, I don't know why you say you're more secular in your beliefs, you seem to have a good solid grasp on Scripture. And your points are spot on.


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## Blonde (Jan 7, 2013)

Jasmine07 said:


> I thought my husband was a believer in God as I was, but he wasn't


See I think he liked you and the christian profession was phony just to hook you.

And now he is trying to use it to keep you hooked "we made a vow to God..."

God doesn't like BAIT and SWITCH! 

Read about Ananias and Sapphira in Acts 7. How do you think Sapphira could have handled the BAIT and SWITCH in such a way that she wouldn't have been struck dead for agreeing with her husband to lie to the Holy Spirit? No need to answer here. Just for your personal meditation...


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## Blonde (Jan 7, 2013)

Fledgling said:


> He should never be more important than Jesus, but she is not respecting her faith by ignoring her husband either.


Maybe...

Not sure she is ignoring him? 

but maybe...

She picked a man with baggage (ex-wife, kids...) and I do think that makes things very complicated....


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## Fledgling (Feb 3, 2013)

sandc said:


> Fledgeling, I don't know why you say you're more secular in your beliefs, you seem to have a good solid grasp on Scripture. And your points are spot on.


Thank you. God has blessed me with devout friends and family and a wonderful bible study group and I have been trying to really read his word for understanding and not just apply superficial judgements on his Word the way I used to.


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## Fledgling (Feb 3, 2013)

Blonde said:


> Maybe...
> 
> Not sure she is ignoring him?
> 
> ...


I agree. I also don't necessarily disagree with your point about bait and switch either. I think the OP owes it to her marriage and herself to see what her husband actually thinks and feels.


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## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

Fledgling said:


> Thank you. God has blessed me with devout friends and family and a wonderful bible study group and I have been trying to really read his word for understanding and not just apply superficial judgements on his Word the way I used to.


That is a great way to approach our faith. This reminds me of a quote by RC Sproul that my wife sent me. I like it so much I haven't deleted the email, it's the oldest in my inbox.

_"To demand from others what the Spirit Himself patiently endures is to exalt ourselves above God."_


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## Blue Firefly (Mar 6, 2013)

Jasmine07 said:


> I have been married for almost 8 years, my husband & I dated for 2 years. We have not been getting along for a while now & I want to walk away from this marriage but I said a vow & in Gods eyes its wrong to divorce. I loved my husband so much when we got married & would never even thought of ever leaving him, but now things have been going so wrong & it hurts knowing I let this get to where its at now.
> One its my fault I let it get to where its at now, if I just would of said something long ago, maybe things would be different. My husband never includes me in his kids graduations or there birthday parties, he either says there was not enough tickets or that they just wanted him & his ex-wife there. He goes to church with his ex-wife & his kids & tells me his kids want it that way. I understand its his kids, but I am his wife, don't I count too? What about my feelings & how I feel about him acting like a "family" with his ex-wife. I said something once & we got into this big arguement & he did not speak to me for weeks. Now it has just gotten worse, he has ran up to me & pushed his chest up aganist mine & stated what are you gonna do huh, what? I just tell him to back up & to get out of my face. He has stopped talking to me & there has not been any physical contact with him for months. I would never cheat on my husband nor would I ever remove my wedding ring, which he has done. He no long wears his ring & am not allowed to go to his daughters weddening either. He wants me only when he thinks it convenient for him. I don't know what to do & I don't know how to fix this or if this can be fixed. We went for counseling a few years back & he said the counsler did not know what he was talking about & that he was against him like everyone was, including me. Does anyone have advice thats comes from the heart


It looks to me like your husband is a polygamist.

Really. He has two separate families. He attends parties, functions, even church with wife #1. He has sex with wife #2 (but let's be realistic here, he and wife #1 are engaging in all of the activities of married couple; they had sex for years; who really thinks they don't occasionally indulge themselves).

As far as submitting to your husband, the Bible puts a condition on that. Wives are to submit as their husbands submit to Christ. In other words, if your husband isn't obedient to the teachings of Jesus, then his wife is NOT REQUIRED to obey him (I find it all too convent that men who pull out the "submit to me, because the Bible says so" always forget that little caveat).

You are not required to follow your husband into a non-Biblical teaching. When he tells you not to attend church, he is deviating from the Bible. Paul clearly states that believers are to not forsake gathering together and encouraging one another. He is preventing you from gathering with other Christians and preventing you from receiving encouragement from other believers--100% opposite of what Paul taught.

If he pulls the strict interpretation "you can't divorce me, because it's not Biblical" card, consider that he was divorced when you married. By the strict interpretation your marriage wasn't Biblical to begin with. Strict interpretation of the Bible is a sword with two edges. Don't let him get away with cutting you with one edge, while not applying the other edge to himself.

I would simply call the church he is attending and explain that your husband attends there, that you want to attend also, but your husband has forbidden you from attending church. 

Also explain that your husband attends with his first wife and children as a family, that you are concerned that your husband is keeping two sets of households, and that you are living in what is a de facto polygamous marriage.

If they don't help you, then try another church, and keep trying till you find one that will respond to your needs.


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## Mr Blunt (Jul 18, 2012)

This is worth repeating



> As far as submitting to your husband, the Bible puts a condition on that. Wives are to submit as their husbands submit to Christ. In other words, if your husband isn't obedient to the teachings of Jesus, then his wife is NOT REQUIRED to obey him


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## Jasmine07 (Jan 11, 2013)

I refuse to let my husband treat me like I am his "meat". I will not let any man treat me like crap and if he wants to play "family" with is ex and his kids go right a head, God sees everything and knows what he (my husband) is doing. I go to work, clean this house (we have 4 levels), cook (which he does not want to eat), wash, & take good care of myself. I am not going to mope around this house and wait for him to be a husband to me. I go to the movies, out to eat, shopping... BY MY SELF, no friend, no male friend, just me. I can not make my husband be a husband to me, he has to want to. the only time he want to pay attention to me, is when he wants to lay with me. I can't put myself thru that no more, if you want to lay with me, than he has to be my husband not someone who want a piece and than kick me in the head later. No, I don't deserve that God knows I am a good woman and I respect my husband, I don't swear, yell, or kick him in the head; but it seems okay to do it to me. I am his wife, not some "B" off the street.


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## IronhorseCowboy (Mar 6, 2013)

He is not treating you as his wife - you are hid maid and in a way he is using your faith and your kindness to continue his behavior. He knows that you won't seek a divorce. 

Maybe a trial seperation is in order and let him see what life is like when you are out of the house for a while. Besides, the violence will only get worse.


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## WalterWhite (Sep 14, 2012)

Jasmine07, you cannot end a marriage that was already ended by your husband. He left you a long time ago. He has broken a few Christian marriage vows, so therefore you are not held to stay with this morally bankrupt man. A lot of Christians do not know their own bible. They think that the ONLY way out of a bad marriage is if the other spouse cheats. We'll, that is only ONE VOW...there are others that can be broken and when broken can be grounds for divorce in God's eyes. You have long ago had your emotional divorce. Now let the legal divorce catch up. This so called husband of yours is the last person I would call a true Christian. And in that religion, your husband could be called a demon.

Jazzy, you need to flush this toilet, move on to a new life, and go out and have some fun. Fellecio with a strange can be exciting. Get out and let your hair down. You have value, and so go find someone that will see it, honor it, and appreciate you!!


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*The Three Acceptable Reasons for Christian Divorce:*

*

Abandonment.
Adultery/Infidelity
Mental or Physical Abuse of a Child or an Adult
*
It appears that he is guilty on Count No. 1 and Count No. 3, with some serious conjecture about Count No. 2.

Divorce him! You are forgiven! The Heavenly Father simply does not want you to have to endure this sheer hell you're living! He's abandoning you as well as mentally abusing you!

Schedule yourself a visit with your Pastor and then get yourself to an attorney's office. There are far better people out there who will absolutely love you for who you truly are!

It's all too apparent that he doesn't, and never will! After all, actions speak so much louder than words!


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## Wazza (Jul 23, 2012)

WalterWhite said:


> Jasmine07, you cannot end a marriage that was already ended by your husband. He left you a long time ago. He has broken a few Christian marriage vows, so therefore you are not held to stay with this morally bankrupt man. A lot of Christians do not know their own bible. They think that the ONLY way out of a bad marriage is if the other spouse cheats. We'll, that is only ONE VOW...there are others that can be broken and when broken can be grounds for divorce in God's eyes. You have long ago had your emotional divorce. Now let the legal divorce catch up. This so called husband of yours is the last person I would call a true Christian. And in that religion, your husband could be called a demon.
> 
> Jazzy, you need to flush this toilet, move on to a new life, and go out and have some fun. Fellecio with a strange can be exciting. Get out and let your hair down. You have value, and so go find someone that will see it, honor it, and appreciate you!!





arbitrator said:


> *The Three Acceptable Reasons for Christian Divorce:*
> 
> *
> 
> ...


Maybe post some relevant scriptures?


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## Sunshine Cadillac (Apr 30, 2013)

I agree it is wrong for him to remove his ring and VERY wrong that he acts like a family with his x-wife this would not be ok in my books. You are his wife and if you were important to him he would include you in EVERYTHING. I dont think God would be upset with you if you left with good reason. Have you spoken to your priest/pastor about it all and confided in him/her? He is mistreating you badly and you tried counselling. I feel that if you have done as much as you can to try to fix the marriage and he wont let you continue to fix what has happened I think you should think of yourself and you need to be happy. God helps those who help themselves and you need to trust he will help you once you decide what you want to do. Good luck I hope all goes well for you!


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

arbitrator said:


> *The Three Acceptable Reasons for Christian Divorce:*
> 
> *
> 
> ...


*Abandonment*- I Corinthians 7:10-16

*Adultery/Infidelity*- Matthew 5:32 and 19:9 

*Mental/Physical Abuse*- John 13:34 and Ephesians 5:21


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## Mr Blunt (Jul 18, 2012)

> I can't put myself thru that no more, if you want to lay with me, than he has to be my husband not someone who want a piece and than kick me in the head later. No, I don't deserve that *God knows I am a good woman *and I respect my husband


You are a good woman Jasmine and if your husband is going to try and tear you down then SEPARATE from him!

That is what my grandmother did and I am amazed at her* life* *long contentment without any man just being dedicated to God!*


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## Wazza (Jul 23, 2012)

arbitrator said:


> *Abandonment*- I Corinthians 7:10-16
> 
> *Adultery/Infidelity*- Matthew 5:32 and 19:9
> 
> *Mental/Physical Abuse*- John 13:34 and Ephesians 5:21


Corinthians....v11 seems directly the opposite of what you say.

John and Ephesians do not mention divorce.

What am I missing?


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