# He won't let me go



## kendra2705 (Oct 31, 2010)

Hi been gone a month now, after leaving a few times over the four years and a no go relationship , I have gone for good. however he has respected my wishes to some point of not contacting me but has got his kids and mother to call me or my family. My dad has been to talk to him but he was in such a state dad told him to leave it a while to see how things pan out and that he is not to call me , a week goes by and he calls in tears.

I wasn't in dad told him i am depressed which is true and that i'm not ready to talk , I know I will have to talk to him for closure but he won't see it that way and the thought of meeting up is making me nervous because I know that he will be crying and begging but I don't want to go back to that life . When together he never listened to any of my wishes and just ignored my crys of unhappiness and did nothing to help me. I have been through a lot of trouble with him over the four years and have lost everything I had all to suit him. Please advise me on how I deal with this I am thinking he will get nasty if I just leave him hanging.:scratchhead:


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

Restraining order.


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## kendra2705 (Oct 31, 2010)

I thought that he would have had to do something to hurt me before they could do that, ???


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## Rob774 (Sep 27, 2010)

He is harrasing you, keep evidence of his calls, and then you can file a restraining order against this harrasment. Or you could just change your number.


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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

Why do you need to speak to him to achieve closure? You are not responsible for his closure.

Block his calls. Change his number. Don't answer. Be deaf and blind to him until he goes away. In my opinion.


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## major misfit (Oct 17, 2010)

If you really want him to go away...make yourself completely unavailable to him. Make the rest of your family unavailable as well. You don't owe him closure, and I doubt you'll find any for yourself. You got closure when you left. As long as you have ANY contact with him at all, he's going to see that as a hopeful sign. You have to completely cut.him.off.


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## kendra2705 (Oct 31, 2010)

Iv'e changed my number and won't speak to him but I only live around the corner and he has called my mum's house who have had the same number for years so it's unfair to ask them to change their number ,if they did he would only turn up, the reason I feel I need closure is because I couldn't get out of the house because he was always there and I couldn't get my stuff out I slowly packed over a period of weeks and one day he went out and I grabbed my stuff and ran . I have never done this to someone before and feel it was a bad way of doing things but he left me no choice as he wouldn't let me go . I do believe he feels that I have treated him bad for doing this and he says he has got so much to say to me , but all the talkling was done during the relationship which he ignored. Now I have gone he want's to talk , funny that isn't it??


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## Pandakiss (Oct 29, 2010)

he can call yoiur moms house, you need to tell your mom not to put you on the phone, not to tell him your whereabouts, or tell him your new number or address.

do not get sucked into this family that you owe nothing to. not everybody can be saved. save your self this time. they are not your family, you have a family.

you are not responsible for any of them. you didnt create the stiuation they are in. focus on you. be a better you and when you have kids, dont repeat the things with your family. be a good mom. be a good wife to someone who desreves you, and will cherish you and love you the way you want.

let their negativity go....


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## major misfit (Oct 17, 2010)

If your mom answers the phone, ask her to simply hang up. If he comes to the house, call the police and say he's stalking you. I'm sure he DOES have plenty to say...but anything coming from you is going to be misconstrued by him. You stated you had to leave the way you did...he gave you no choice. Ignoring him is having a choice now. If you REALLY want him to go away, you're going to have to speak a language he'll understand. And that is simply NO CONTACT whatsoever. You don't owe him anything. You tried, he ignored. NOW he wants to talk? It won't change a damned thing. If it would have, he'd have done it during the r-ship. He just doesn't like the way things played out. But he gave you NO CHOICE. Now you have one.


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## 4sure (Aug 8, 2010)

Major Misfit speaks true. Anything he has to say will all be bad. Don't be there to listen. Move on.


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## kendra2705 (Oct 31, 2010)

Thanks everyone this is what I am doing, he isn't harrassing me yet just trying to make contact gently if you like, but he is crying all ovet the place , i live with my mum and dad and my dad has told him he will only speak through him , I think dad is worried about his state too which isn't good. only one call this week , but I know he is waiting for me to talk to him and I don't want to it does seem harsh as he is a broken man, but it is his own fault I'm not a push over and will not be ignored in a relationship and expected to live with no love life, no support , no sex, and not spending time together, his mother demands him and she has now got him.


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## Cinta (Dec 29, 2010)

Kendra it concerns me that you had to leave the way you did and that you have left several times before, only to reconnected with him. If that had not been the case, I would have suggested attempting a conversation but given that there is a history of breaking up and getting back together, I fear that he thinks that this is yet another break up where if he begs enough you will get back together (and he will not have truly changed). This is a cycle, and you need to break it!
From what I have read so far I think I understand some of the things you are saying eg... you have tried to talk to him in the past but he wasn't interested, but now you have walked away he wants to talk... I get this, but he won't get it until he fully understands he is not going to get you back, that it's too late. 
I agree with the above comments, talking now will not do much good. If he is persistent to a point where you become frightened or it is irritating to you and your family, I suggest a restraining order. You are not responsible for what he does next. He has his family and friends for support. 
I am not one that would usually support a break up unless there is physical violence - however in this case it sounds as though you have given it your best shot. You cannot force someone to change and you cannot force them to REALLY HEAR you.
I wish you all the best.


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## kendra2705 (Oct 31, 2010)

Thanks cinta, I guess I am worried about his state but know that this will never work for me , I left as it was like flat sharing not a relationship, no love , no sex , no cuddles, we lived with his mum who got in the way big time any early nights were cancelled by her questioning and jelousy , he used to buy me flowers and stopped because of his mum asking why on earth has he bought me those and what have i done to deserve it , even though I was cooking cleaning working and emptying her commode. My cries were dismissed because it's cheaper for him to live there so bollocks I went AGAIN !!! I have never come across a man who choses to not want sex EVER and I mean EVER. It was a year since his last time I can't live like that would rather be alone than lay next to someone I love and fancy and he just turns his back .


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## janesmith (Nov 29, 2010)

for gawds sake if you really dont want contact then stop enabling contact. do what ever you have to. you are not responsible for him only you.


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## Cinta (Dec 29, 2010)

I get what you're saying Kendra, it seems like you feel a sense of responsibility towards him but you are not his mother and he is a grown man and eventually needs to stand on his own two feet. It sounds harsh but you cannot stay with someone for fear they might harm themselves if you're not around. You must get on with your life. It sounds like he has already been holding you back for too long.


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## Mrs.G (Nov 20, 2010)

janesmith said:


> for gawds sake if you really dont want contact then stop enabling contact. do what ever you have to. you are not responsible for him only you.


:iagree: I also think that the OP is having a hard time letting go too, or else she would not be enabling contact or living so close to him.

Move, change your phone number and stay away.


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## keke1 (Dec 26, 2010)

he is just going through the process of seperation....he needs time and so do you....don't allow your emotions or his to get in the way of rational decisions......he probably thinks in his mind I won her over before I will again this time....if it is truly over then you have to cut all communication off....you can't control your parents talking to him...but you must tell them you don't want to hear what he has to say because you can't handle that with your emotions all over the place....visit this site.....www.divorcecare.com....I know you are just seperated but it gives awesome tools for your situation seperated...Good luck and may God bless you!


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