# Trying to find sanity



## EW2022 (5 mo ago)

I'm not sure if this is a good place to turn. I've done IC for myself, we've tried some MC - when wife decides it fits her schedule. We're both engineers, so sometimes imagination loses out to factual data. Getting ready to retire in a few years - and not sure if we'll be able to handle that much 'together without jobs to distract us' time. Not sure what to do - I really, really miss affection, spontaneity, doing things together, etc. I'm really wondering what I expect from this group if MC can't help us.


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

lets start with where is the marriage today 
what has it been like 
why does it look like your wife is not making the effort to go to mc more often 
would a change of MC help would other help be needed and how open would she be to it 

A LOT OF QUESTIONS 
and only starting


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

EW2022 said:


> I'm not sure if this is a good place to turn. I've done IC for myself, we've tried some MC - when wife decides it fits her schedule. We're both engineers, so sometimes imagination loses out to factual data. Getting ready to retire in a few years - and not sure if we'll be able to handle that much 'together without jobs to distract us' time. Not sure what to do - I really, really miss affection, spontaneity, doing things together, etc. I'm really wondering what I expect from this group if MC can't help us.


Welcome to TAM!

Start doing things together now “without jobs to distract” you. Start small and ramp up your time together now in prep for the big retirements. Learn to to enjoy life , not just work.


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## D0nnivain (Mar 13, 2021)

Since you say that miss affection, are you saying that the sex in your marriage stopped? Retirement isn't going to fix that. You need to figure out why it stopped.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

I’m an engineer and have that factual brain. The bottom line is that counselors deal greatly in emotion and feelings but unfortunately that often runs counterintuitive to the way we think/live. This can make marriage difficult for both sides of a union. I can find enough information on the internet and books that I will never believe a counselor services any possible purpose.


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## EW2022 (5 mo ago)

D0nnivain said:


> Since you say that miss affection, are you saying that the sex in your marriage stopped? Retirement isn't going to fix that. You need to figure out why it stopped.


Sex? I've almost forgotten what that is. Not kidding - 3x in the last 8 years! Beyond dead bedroom; this one is mummified, if not fossilized!


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## EW2022 (5 mo ago)

I have a lot of my own hobbies; she has her own hobbies. Very little overlap. 
Where is the best place to start a thread with more details of the long story?


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

General post


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

Who stopped the intimacy in the marriage and why?

What is you age range?


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## Laurentium (May 21, 2017)

Mr.Married said:


> I’m an engineer and have that factual brain. The bottom line is that counselors deal greatly in emotion and feelings but unfortunately that often runs counterintuitive to the way we think/live.


It depends what the question is. If you're trying to find a fault in a machine, then emotions will be of no help. If you're trying to have a relationship, emotions are important. 



> I can find enough information on the internet and books that I will never believe a counselor services any possible purpose.


Indeed, if it's _information_ you need, then the internet is a much better resource.


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## Laurentium (May 21, 2017)

EW2022 said:


> we've tried some MC


How did it go?


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

have you asked her if this is a marriage of convenince ? would both of you not be happier finding someone else then to stay in a marriage where there is no warmth?


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## AlwaysImproving (5 mo ago)

Hello, EW202! I agree with others that you have to start now. Date like you never have before. Gotta create those memories and shared experiences to build on.


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## ah_sorandy (Jul 19, 2018)

EW2022 said:


> Sex? I've almost forgotten what that is. Not kidding - 3x in the last 8 years! Beyond dead bedroom; this one is mummified, if not fossilized!


Being in a sexless marriage is not acceptable. It's time for you to find love and happiness with someone else. Once you find that special person, don't hesitate and make a life with them as quick as you can.

Please don't do what I did and lose out on a wonderful new sex life by hesitating to do what your heart tells you to do. Your current spouse just doesn't care about you and your needs. If you do, just get on with finding someone that will value you sexually and otherwise!


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## EW2022 (5 mo ago)

More about myself. I'm 62, an engineer, and I love trying new things as hobbies - brewing beer (fav is dark ale), woodworking, trying some metalworking, do things around the house, did scouts with my boys (both Eagled), dote on my daughter (just graduated from college). Wife and I married 7 months after I got my BS - and we'd only been dating for 9 months. Everything clicked - I got my MS, went to another (bigger) school, she got her BS and MS while I did my PhD. Got great job offers and moved, where we've lived since. Still like trying new stuff, but bad knee and age have slowed me some. So now you know more about me.
Going to start posting a dissertation on how things turned crappy in the General section.


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

is there a reason you don't respond to the posters that ask you a question , 
or what do you want from this forum


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