# 27 with sex life of an 80 year old



## Marriedandunhappy (Mar 27, 2018)

Ok, so I know this isnt the forst time this has been spoken about but any advice would be greatly received.

I am 27 so is the wife. We met at 16 had our first child at 19. Second child 3 years later, married 2 years after that and third child 2 years ago. So been together 10 years and married for 3 with 3 children (8,5 and 3) we both work me full time shift work and her part time, 5 days a week 5 hours a day. 

We take our fair share of the household chores, I generally do the kid duties on days off, if im at home will do the bath and bed routine. I cant cook, so she does most of that but i gnereally do more of the cleaning and tidying. We both do the washing depending on whos off and when but she probably does most of it in fairness. 

As always 16 to 19 sex was hourly rather than daily. We still had sex throughout first pregnancy and we were very close. We were friends and lovers. I have always accepted my place as the beta male i guess and generally done as i am told. I would enjoy giving massages and feet rubsas i knew that made her happy. After the first baby sex resumed but less. Understandable! I would often get up in the night and she would do the day. She struggled and so did I but we stuck together. After a year or so sex died off. About once a week was normal. We were still wrapped in eachother sonit didnt seem to matter. Baby 2 is on the cards and suddenly she is like a rabbit. Wants it constantly as she wanted to get pregnant. This is where things broke down. I wasnt to sure about baby 2 as although both of us were working i was also studying and income wasnt great. Many discussions took place where inwas just told baby 2 is happening. So baby 2 happened. 

Sex was again once a week afterwards for a few months. The. Periods of no sex got longer. Sometimes 2 weeks sometimes 3. All the things I enjoyed doing for her were now expected. She expected that foot rub or back rub, but what was i getting in return? Sleeples baby nights, bottles and ****ty nappies with work the next day. 

2 more years passed things got slightly more financially stable and naturally she wanted baby 3. I said point blank indidnt want number 3. But still the choice was hers. I was told ahe will be the one who has to look after the baby everyday! Never mind all what i do she was talking like a single mum! So again the sexual advances were nightly. All she spoke about was getting pregnant and continually wanted sex. Baby number 3 arrives and for the last two years sex is as dry as the sahara.

Once maybe twice a month for the last two years. She went back to work 5 hours a day and we share kid duties depending on if im off or shes working earlies or lates. All my sexual advances are turned down with rolling over or over dramatic yawns. 

Where does this leave me now? 

27 years old, three kids and married. I love her and have never cheated and never would. She says she loves me to but where next? I feel quite resentful and hurt. I dont even try to initiate sex anymore. Any time i cuddle her its cold. I dont get much back. She obsesses with things like not saying ‘i love you’ to her at the end of a phone call. Or no kiss on the end of a text message. But doesnt give a monkeys about physical affection. I sooke to her a couple of months ago and said i cant do tjis no lore i want my mate back, i want it hownit was. I get we have kids and both are tired, i also get it wont be three times a day like in our teens but once a month? 

She gets off multiple times when we donit and its great. She says its great and seems to have a good time.

What next?


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## Just another (Feb 21, 2018)

Sadly you will find many threads on this subject.


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

Marriedandunhappy said:


> Ok, so I know this isnt the forst time this has been spoken about but any advice would be greatly received.
> 
> I am 27 so is the wife. We met at 16 had our first child at 19. Second child 3 years later, married 2 years after that and third child 2 years ago. So been together 10 years and married for 3 with 3 children (8,5 and 3) we both work me full time shift work and her part time, 5 days a week 5 hours a day.
> 
> ...


How long are you willing to enable her comfort in the midst of your own discomfort?

You have had a significant hand in creating this monster.


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## Tony Conrad (Oct 7, 2013)

I always believe that a spouse should never deny the other sex. The other week my wife said she was tired in a nice way and I understood it. Generally though we do not deny the other. Obviously your wife doesn't believe this so it is a question of what one believes actually. Would you have married her if you knew you was going to be denied sex? You need to talk to her as this is a betrayal as I see it. Granted things get in the way but where there is a will a way is made. Don't let it go. It is very important that you discuss this in depth with her.


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## Marriedandunhappy (Mar 27, 2018)

Well would i of married her? Good question. I love her and she has had my children so hard in hindsight. We have had many discussions about the subject and it always ends in her getting upset, saying shes sorry if shes not good enough. Kind of leaving me in a moral dillema as what to say next. Any discussion is turned to make me the bad guy, but i fear thats a vast majority of women who are good at that. I feel kind of stuck with the kids in the situation as i am pretty sure she would use seeing them against me. She has said in the past things like ‘im not losing you’ or ‘i wont let you leave me’. Kind of in gest but I have told her she would be a bunny boiler! To which she laughed an agreed. In reality im comfortable and unhappy but see no real end to the lack of intimacy. She has eluded to liking a strong character to effectlively chuck her on the bed and give her a rough sorting out! so I have tried that in the past and been laughed at with a nervous laugh. She turned down my advances a few weeks ago on the wednesday as to tired, then thursday tells me she used her vibrator when she got home from work as she was frustrated and needed a release


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## Just another (Feb 21, 2018)

So she has replaced you with her vibrator. Not good.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*I cannot help but agree that you helped contribute to the building of this monster!

That being said, I think that probably your last resort is MC ~Marriage Counseling! But then again, what guarantees do you have?

And all of this is contingent, of course, that you can get her vibrator away from her long enough for her to go with you!

Failure to do so will likely result with her giving you the proverbial ILYBINILWY, because she'll fastly tire of that inorganic vibrator, and will summarily shove you out the door in order to seek out some other man's organic variety! *


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

So your sex life sucked and you doubled down by getting married and having another kid. How’s it feel, living with your choices?


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## Steve2.0 (Dec 11, 2017)

Go buy "married man sex life primer" by athol
and "No more mr. nice guy" and "hold on to your nuts"

You need to take control of certain parts of your life, learn new perspectives, and make yourself attractive to your wife.

Those books have your answers. Seriously


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## Marriedandunhappy (Mar 27, 2018)

WorkingOnMe said:


> So your sex life sucked and you doubled down by getting married and having another kid. How’s it feel, living with your choices?
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


Well not as simple as that really. I already had two children so its not as simple as just leave is it. Thanks for your helpful input tho


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## Marriedandunhappy (Mar 27, 2018)

I tottally know i have been my own worse enemy and basically not had the back bone to go enough is enough from the start. I like the spawned a monster expression tho, its as if you have met her. All i get from researching this is im not alone and either leave or put up and shut up. Which for now i guess will be put up and shut up as im not walking away from my children simple as that. I will have a lokk at the books mentioned tho and maybe get a bit fitter as you do become complacent with junk food. If not for her then for me at least!


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## Windwalker (Mar 19, 2014)

farsidejunky said:


> You have had a significant hand in creating this monster.


That's the understatement of the entire thread so far.

OP, how in the world did you respond to the statement that kid #2 and #3 were happening regardless of what you thought?

Obviously, not strongly enough. Every person has a right to enforce their reproductive rights. Why did you not? 

Any woman that would even jokingly agree with the' bunny boiler' comment is a walking/talking red flag!

What state do you live in? What are the possibilities of getting 50/50 custody?

Sorry, but full time job for her like yesterday. You need to start putting protective measures in place now. From this point forward your goals need to always include, how will this help my current situation and children long term.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Marriedandunhappy said:


> Well not as simple as that really. I already had two children so its not as simple as just leave is it. Thanks for your helpful input tho




It’s exactly that simple. Your 2 children didn’t make you get married. They didn’t make you have another. You’re trying to paint yourself as a victim. You’re not. You made a choice. You chose to continue a sexless relationship and in fact turn it into a marriage and lock yourself further in with another kid. You own that choice. Not your kids or wife. You’re not a victim, you’re a volunteer. 


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Steve2.0 said:


> Go buy "married man sex life primer" by athol
> and "No more mr. nice guy" and "hold on to your nuts"


Read these books then join an MMA gym and start lifting weights. 

Do that hard for 6 months and then we can talk.


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## Marriedandunhappy (Mar 27, 2018)

Im not painting myself as a victim. I dont want sympathy or anyone to go poor you. I was 16 when we got together. We had kids, its taken me a while to get my head round everything and actually realise i have ****ed up on a lot of stuff. I have come here for some sensible male advice. I get it now but its not that easy when your neck deep in a relationship at the time. Its taken getting a bit older to work all this **** out. So thanks i get it i ****ed up a few things along the way. Now is there any chance of getting some different opinions on what to do next rather than keep stating i ****ed up? As i have kind of worked that out, landing me here. Thanks


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Marriedandunhappy said:


> Now is there any chance of getting some different opinions on what to do next rather than keep stating i ****ed up?


Yes. 

You do the same thing as any other time you screw up. 

You figure out where you went wrong. figure out how to do it right. Make a plan for correcting it. Then execute that plan and stick to it despite the challenges, hardships and roadblocks that you encounter along the way.


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## C3156 (Jun 13, 2012)

Yes, you have screwed up and created a problem. As you realize through your research, you are not the first to have this issue. 

Can this be fixed? Yes. Can it be fixed quickly? No.

These guys have given you some good advice to get started. Basically your wife is not attracted to you (because you are a beta) and you need to change that image of yourself. The books mentioned should help you to understand what has happened to the dynamic in your relationship and steps you can take to turn things around. Read them, I recommend a couple of times, and actually implement what they suggest. You cannot change your wife but you can change yourself. This skill exercise should benefit you beyond just your relationship. A key thing is that you read the material, understand, live it & breath it. But don't tell your wife what you are doing. Let her see the change. You want her to change but she will only do that in reaction to your change.

In addition, hit the gym and eat better. Not only will it make you feel better, it will make you look better. Along with your attitude change, you will up your sex rank and start to look much better to your wife. A side benefit is that you will also look better to the women around you and they will start to notice as well. It's a compounding cycle that will slowly raise your rank. Along with the new body, get some new clothes to accentuate it. Embrace the change.

As mentioned above, read the material, make a plan, and execute the plan. It will take time but I think that you will be happy with the end result.


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## FieryHairedLady (Mar 24, 2011)

Op, are you meeting her emotional needs? Are you a "good friend" and confidant to her?

Do you two spend quality time together?

Do you two go on date nights?

Does she feel like she is #1 in your eyes?

Do you complement her?

Do you let her know you love her and are attracted to her?

Do you two have a good form of birth control in place?


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## Marriedandunhappy (Mar 27, 2018)

Inloveforeverwithhubby said:


> Op, are you meeting her emotional needs? Are you a "good friend" and confidant to her?
> 
> Do you two spend quality time together?
> 
> ...


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## FieryHairedLady (Mar 24, 2011)

Ok, the areas you two are lacking in, step it up.

Date nights: See if there is another couple with kids willing to trade off for free babysitting every other weekend. 

Dates don't have to be expensive. 

Applebees 2/$20
Go shoot pool
Picnic at the beach/lake

Kids can come second. Make time for each other. 

Put them kids to bed.

Kid movie time in frontroom/mom and dad spend time hanging out and talking


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Inloveforeverwithhubby said:


> Op, are you meeting her emotional needs? Are you a "good friend" and confidant to her?
> 
> Do you two spend quality time together?
> 
> ...



Yes he does all of those things in spades. 

That is the problem.

There issues are not stemming from him not helping her and not being nice to her and not providing her the emotional and child rearing support she needs. 

The problem is he has lost his balls and is no longer a masculine figure in their home and marriage. 

He is a beta and has lost himself and his masculinity in catering to her and that is why he is miserable and why she has lost respect and desire for him. 

Now this is a critical distinction to make - I am NOT saying he should stop doing those things *( ESPECIALLY THE BIRTH CONTROL......NO MORE KIDS!!!!!!*

But he does need to start standing up for himself and his own self interests a million times more than what he is doing now. 

He needs to get his balls back and start being a virile, self-determining man again instead of a sperm provider and Mother's Assistant. 

Women respect and desire the Lord of the Manor. They do not respect and desire the maid and the babysitter. 

He has become the maid and babysitter and foot rubber.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Confiscate her vibrator and leave a picture of your unit in it's place.


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## Marriedandunhappy (Mar 27, 2018)

Guys thanks. I appreciate the advice. I will definetely have a look at those books and getvto the gym. I need to get into something thats not family related. I have felt my unhealthy and unex rcided self pushed at work at times so inknow i need to sort that out if not for my own health. Im not mega overweight or anything but certainly not very fit. Its funny that u think by being the obedient helpful husband you will get respected more. Clearly not the case! No more


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## Tron (Jan 31, 2013)

I will simply repeat that you should start by reading Married Man Sex Life Primer by Athol Kay

Maybe then get into MMA training or something along those lines. 

Don't expect this to clear up overnight. It is going to take some time for you to really change and for her to unlearn what she knows about you.


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## Sawney Beane (May 1, 2011)

ConanHub said:


> Confiscate her vibrator and leave a picture of your unit in it's place.


I would suggest this is more likely to come across as passive-aggressive rather than dominant and sexy. The OP's level/status/sexual attractiveness doesn't sound like it's enough to pull this off.

Likewise the suggestion about spanking techniques. There are simpler ways of not being married to this woman than to try spanking her, then have her divorces the OP as an abusive partner, allowing him to spent time in prison and find that his access to his children is every third Friday when there isn't an "r" in the month.


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## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

Start doing what you want to do!

Never mind I was going to reply with all this advice but they never listen ...


See you back in 3-5 years after she cheats and your getting divorded.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

When your wife loses her ability to control you, her respect will return. 

Influence is totally different than control. But for now - even the influence channel gets shut down.

When your wife flips out - which won’t take more than a week - you need to calmly tell her that you are focused on yourself and the kids and will revisit your broken marriage when you are ready to. And then add this: 

I don’t blame you for losing your lust for me as our marriage has morphed into an exercise in puppetry instead of partnership. That has to be a turn off. Thing is - you have also lost your desire to please me - and that is a no go. 





Marriedandunhappy said:


> Guys thanks. I appreciate the advice. I will definetely have a look at those books and getvto the gym. I need to get into something thats not family related. I have felt my unhealthy and unex rcided self pushed at work at times so inknow i need to sort that out if not for my own health. Im not mega overweight or anything but certainly not very fit. Its funny that u think by being the obedient helpful husband you will get respected more. Clearly not the case! No more


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Marriedandunhappy said:


> I tottally know i have been my own worse enemy and basically not had the back bone to go enough is enough from the start. I like the spawned a monster expression tho, its as if you have met her. All i get from researching this is im not alone and either leave or put up and shut up. Which for now i guess will be put up and shut up as im not walking away from my children simple as that. I will have a lokk at the books mentioned tho and maybe get a bit fitter as you do become complacent with junk food. If not for her then for me at least!


The problem in your marriage is two fold, 

1) you have let it get this far without addressing the problem. We teach people how can treat us.

2) The emotional connection/bond between the two of you is getting very thin. 

the good news is that both of these can be fixed. Get the books "Love Busters" and "His Needs, Her Needs".

They will teach you how to grow a back bone in a manner that works plus they will teach you how to rebuild your bond and maintain it. What I suggest is that you read the books first yourself and do the work that they say to do. Doing this will give you the words you need to talk to her.

Then you sit her down and tell her that while you are madly in love with her, you area unhappy in this marriage. And tell her very clearly why you are unhappy. Tell her that you need her to get on board with you to work together to fix your marriage. Ask her to read the books with you and do the work together.

You need to emphasize to her that without this, your marriage is headed to divorce, not because you want divorce, but because the two of you are growing apart to the point that it's not going work much longer.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Sawney Beane said:


> I would suggest this is more likely to come across as passive-aggressive rather than dominant and sexy. The OP's level/status/sexual attractiveness doesn't sound like it's enough to pull this off.
> 
> Likewise the suggestion about spanking techniques. There are simpler ways of not being married to this woman than to try spanking her, then have her divorces the OP as an abusive partner, allowing him to spent time in prison and find that his access to his children is every third Friday when there isn't an "r" in the month.


LOL! Whatever. Spanking isn't assault in the arena I'm referring to and the penis pic in place of the vibrator makes a good point with a sense of humor.

But since you are from a different universe &#55356;&#57100; than me, it is ok that you don't have a clue what I'm referring to.

He should absolutely increase his attractiveness but that has been suggested by other posters.


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## Marriedandunhappy (Mar 27, 2018)

So i have downloaded the Sex life primer. That dude seems to hit every nail on the head. Im off work today so going back to sign up at my old gym again. I feel i have a different perspective already i am not taking this **** no more. Thanks guys. I dont know if this will change our marriage in the long run but its going to change my outlook that i know


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## Tony Conrad (Oct 7, 2013)

I agree. Divorce is not the answer. I think you can work through this and get the sex going again. She obviously doesn't want to lose you but you must communicate to her that you are unhappy in a sexless marriage, not in a threatening way but letting her know that's how you feel.

What is encouraging is that she needs sex because she used a vibrator. Why would she tell you that I wonder? There is obviously a sexual problem there which needs to be discussed. This will take a bit of time maybe but you have time on your side. 

Would she be open for you to use the vibrator on her? That would be a start and would involve you. She said she was sexually frustrated. For goodness sake there are two of you there. Find out what the blockages are. If she is not able to be open ask her to go to marriage counseling with you. At the very least this would highlight to her how serious the problem is.


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## Tron (Jan 31, 2013)

Marriedandunhappy said:


> So i have downloaded the Sex life primer. That dude seems to hit every nail on the head. Im off work today so going back to sign up at my old gym again. I feel i have a different perspective already i am not taking this **** no more. Thanks guys. I dont know if this will change our marriage in the long run but its going to change my outlook that i know


YES!

And OP, the interesting thing is that, whether you stay in the M or ultimately leave it because your needs aren't being met, the changes you make now will serve to benefit you either way. 

The "stay" or "go" plans start out the same. You MAP, you improve yourself...you increase your sex rank. She will either ultimately get on board and things will improve or she will get left behind.


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## UpsideDownWorld11 (Feb 14, 2018)

Wow, you just described 90% of marriages. Once a month? She spoils you! Sounds like my former marriage, except she was just getting hers elsewhere.

You want this to change? You will have to alpha it up and build the attraction again. She sees you as one of her girlfriends. Its happens quite a bit to men in marriages. They get comfortable. Start lifting, your testosterone with escalate and so will your confidence. The married man sex primer is a good start. There is also married red pill forum that might help you on the building the attraction or countless e-books that have studied game. It doesn't change much in marriage, you still have to work to keep it from dying off. Take charge.

Don't be another statistic.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Dear OP;

As a 69-year old, I really resent your title of sex of an 80-year old. I am active and fit and hope to be having sex more than once a week in my 80's. 

You will get in life what you put up with. You need to sit your wife down and yourself down and get some serious marriage counseling and possibly with a sex therapist to see if you can reconcile your marriage before it is destroyed.

Good luck. Don't be surprised to find out that you are part of the problem. Your situation sounded a lot like mine until I figured out what I was doing wrong, changed myself, got my wife and myself into marriage counseling with a great sex therapist.


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## UpsideDownWorld11 (Feb 14, 2018)

Young at Heart said:


> Dear OP;
> Your situation sounded a lot like mine until I figured out what I was doing wrong, changed myself, got my wife and myself into marriage counseling with a great sex therapist.


Out of curiosity, what does a sex therapist do exactly? I always thought it was new age hippy stuff.


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## Bananapeel (May 4, 2015)

Do you have strong male friends that you can hang out with? Usually, those guys are brutally honest and can steer you in the right direction in cutting down your beta tendencies. Also, you need to date your wife and make her feel like a sexy woman and not just a mother.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

WorkingOnMe said:


> So your sex life sucked and you doubled down by getting married and having another kid. How’s it feel, living with your choices?
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


That was brutal.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

gowithuhtred said:


> That was brutal.




So is a tetanus shot. 


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## Herschel (Mar 27, 2016)

This sounds like the makings of a divorce and then both going out and getting their hump on. I hope you can turn yourself around and she can too. I just hate it when one spouse seems to not give a **** about the intimacy in a relationship. Oh, I have to go all alpha to get you to want to bang me? Not worth it.


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## Graywolf2 (Nov 10, 2013)

Marriedandunhappy said:


> She gets off multiple times when we donit and its great. She says its great and seems to have a good time.


I have a friend that tells me the same thing about his wife and I don't understand it. If you have a good time you should want to do it more. 

Like you, he and his wife did it like rabbits when they were young, Now they have kids and are busy with work. He tries for sex and his wife tells him how great that sounds but they don't get around to doing it.

What I don't get is they only have sex every six months but when they do it's "porn star" sex. Once his neighbor left a package at the door while he and his wife were having sex. They didn't answer and his wife made a lot of noise as always. Now his neighbor gives him knowing looks. The neighbor could hear her through two doors from one end of the house to the other. 

Basically I don't know how you can have that much fun and not want sex more often. It's like his wife loves a steak dinner but never gets hungry. So she can last forever without eating.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

UpsideDownWorld11 said:


> Out of curiosity, what does a sex therapist do exactly? I always thought it was new age hippy stuff.


A sex therapist, is usually a marriage counselor, who has extra training in a variety of areas involving sexual problems of one or both partners. There are two major organizations the certify sex therapists. It is not new age hippy stuff.

The Sex Therapist the helped save my marriage, helped my wife comfortable (or a comfortably as possible) talk about how self-image problems and resentment toward me were interferring with her having sex with me. The ST helped us with reading assignments on how sex can strengthen a marriage and bond two people together. The ST helped us with non-sex exercises like sensate focus exercises so that we could again begin touching each other. The sex therapist that helped save my marriage helped my wife and I negotiate how frequently we would have sex with each other.


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## downfall69 (Sep 23, 2012)

sorry to tell you that you are only a tool she uses to get pregnant and when you've done your job she hangs you up until she needs you again. it will not change, any fix will only be temporary.


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## WilliamM (Mar 14, 2017)

Being helpful is one thing.

Being obedient is completely different. 

My experience with my admittedly mental wife is any sign of obedience would be seen as completely spineless. If I were obedient my wife would loose respect for me immediately.


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