# She lied



## Dazzadub (8 mo ago)

She went out with work friends for a bday party and when she came home at 8. Hugged me kissed me and said she loved me. I felt something was off as she said she was smoking pot at girlfreinds house but couldn't smell it so asked more, she said she kissed a guy and that was it back to girls house for smoke. I forgave and moved on next day the guy she said she kissed added her on Facebook and it took her 2 days to remove him as she wanted to be polite and message him first to say she was removing it. Fast forward 2 weeks. It's come to light after the club closed they got a hotel room and had sex and were together in there for 4 hrs. 
She made every effort to brush this as just a kiss and a mistake and we should forget it, she even told me she knew what she was doing that night aswell. 

What do I do. She lied, hid it from me, slept with a guy, added him on Facebook and struggled to block him.


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

Dazzadub said:


> She went out with work friends for a bday party and when she came home at 8. Hugged me kissed me and said she loved me. I felt something was off as she said she was smoking pot at girlfreinds house but couldn't smell it so asked more, she said she kissed a guy and that was it back to girls house for smoke. I forgave and moved on next day the guy she said she kissed added her on Facebook and it took her 2 days to remove him as she wanted to be polite and message him first to say she was removing it. Fast forward 2 weeks. It's come to light after the club closed they got a hotel room and had sex and were together in there for 4 hrs.
> She made every effort to brush this as just a kiss and a mistake and we should forget it, she even told me she knew what she was doing that night aswell.
> 
> What do I do. She lied, hid it from me, slept with a guy, added him on Facebook and struggled to block him.


@Dazzadub You’re at the start of an long and ugly road.

What is your stance…what do you want to do?
How long have you been married?
Do you have any kids?
what are your ages?

You can divorce this lying, cheating creature and set yourself free of future pain from this woman. If you have no kids living at home then this is the recommended path. Cut your losses and set yourself free.

2 questions you need to ask yourself:
-Do you know the full depth of her betrayal(s) and lies? It is unlikely.
-Can you trust her again? Also unlikely, but there is an extremely small, difficult path to success. Unfortunately this path depends highly on her, which makes this nearly impossible.


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## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

Dazzadub said:


> She went out with work friends for a bday party and when she came home at 8. Hugged me kissed me and said she loved me. I felt something was off as she said she was smoking pot at girlfreinds house but couldn't smell it so asked more, she said she kissed a guy and that was it back to girls house for smoke. I forgave and moved on next day the guy she said she kissed added her on Facebook and it took her 2 days to remove him as she wanted to be polite and message him first to say she was removing it. Fast forward 2 weeks. It's come to light after the club closed they got a hotel room and had sex and were together in there for 4 hrs.
> She made every effort to brush this as just a kiss and a mistake and we should forget it, she even told me she knew what she was doing that night aswell.
> 
> What do I do. She lied, hid it from me, slept with a guy, added him on Facebook and struggled to block him.


Being polite is a way of saying she invested emotionally into him. Women can be absolutely brutal about dropping if they have no interest in them.


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

Dazzadub said:


> It's come to light after the club closed


Can you expand a bit more about how it ‘came to light’? Did she confess? Did you find out out by snooping or by a friend telling?

Judging from your lack of freaking out about coming home at 8am in the first place, I assume partying and coming home in the wee hours is not that unusual for her?


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

So she went out with her workmates and went back to a hotel with another man. Is this guy a colleague? 
You do realise that everyone who works with her knows what she’s done and she’s getting the “You go girl” treatment at work, especially when she added him on Facebook. She doesn’t give a damn about you.
Unless you want to appear pathetic you need to act and act strongly. First thing is if this guy works with her then she quits her job. Also if he’s married or in a relationship his partner has to be told.
But you know what? She’s not going to do anything because any married woman who stays out until eight o’clock after “drinks with friends” isn’t bothered about her husband’s opinion anyway.


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

Andy1001 said:


> But you know what? She’s not going to do anything because any married woman who stays out until eight o’clock after “drinks with friends” isn’t bothered about her husband’s opinion anyway


Quoted for truth!


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

Dazzadub said:


> *What do I do.* She lied, hid it from me, slept with a guy, added him on Facebook and struggled to block him.


Why is this even a question? How do you believe this is her first rodeo? She wants to live the single life, sleeping around, admits she was fully engaged with getting a motel and sleeping with him. How do you know he is the only one?

What do you WANT to do? Most guys who ask this same question on this board are desperately looking for someone to tell them a way to get back to a normal relationship with their wayward. It isn't happening and can't. You know what she has done, and every time she is out of the house you will be thinking of her screwing someone else. It will eat you alive.



Andy1001 said:


> You do realise that everyone who works with her knows what she’s done and she’s getting the “You go girl” treatment at work, especially when she added him on Facebook. She doesn’t give a damn about you.


This! She is an item at work, and all of the other males are just waiting for a chance to get in queue.


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## D0nnivain (Mar 13, 2021)

She lied & cheated. Why would you want stay with such a person? Why is what do I do even a question? You get out. There is nothing else.


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## Dazzadub (8 mo ago)

Andy1001 said:


> So she went out with her workmates and went back to a hotel with another man. Is this guy a colleague?
> You do realise that everyone who works with her knows what she’s done and she’s getting the “You go girl” treatment at work, especially when she added him on Facebook. She doesn’t give a damn about you.
> Unless you want to appear pathetic you need to act and act strongly. First thing is if this guy works with her then she quits her job. Also if he’s married or in a relationship his partner has to be told.
> But you know what? She’s not going to do anything because any married woman who stays out until eight o’clock after “drinks with friends” isn’t bothered about her husband’s opinion anyway.


He doesn't work with her. It was one of her colleagues mates that came to celebrate his bday. He is married and had condoms with him lol says it all what his intentions were
³


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## Dazzadub (8 mo ago)

BeyondRepair007 said:


> @Dazzadub You’re at the start of an long and ugly road.
> 
> What is your stance…what do you want to do?
> How long have you been married?
> ...


I only know what I found out and what she has said. I can't be 100% it's the full story tho. 

No kids together


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## Dazzadub (8 mo ago)

BeyondRepair007 said:


> Can you expand a bit more about how it ‘came to light’? Did she confess? Did you find out out by snooping or by a friend telling?
> 
> Judging from your lack of freaking out about coming home at 8am in the first place, I assume partying and coming home in the wee hours is not that unusual for her?


8 am home was a concern and I was awake around 4am wondering where she was. Messaged her and she was shady. It's not normal for her at all. 

I found out by snooping as I felt I wasn't told the whole story and felt something was off. So I took a look. Not much to see just a a search history that night looking at hotel near where she was. I asked her and pretended I knew more then I did and she confessed.

Still don't think it's all as they clearly had a convo about something more as he added her on facebook


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## syhoybenden (Feb 21, 2013)

You have now had your first glimpse at the tip of the iceberg. 
Rest assured that this was NOT her first rodeo.
Time to start doing your homework.
Phone.
Phone records.
Bank statements. 
Message apps.

Trust nothing.
Trust no one.


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

Dazzadub said:


> I found out by snooping as I felt I wasn't told the whole story and felt something was off. So I took a look. Not much to see just a a search history that night looking at hotel near where she was. I asked her and pretended I knew more then I did and she confessed.
> 
> Still don't think it's all as they clearly had a convo about something more as he added her on facebook


This is the worst case in terms of her being remorseful about the whole thing. It just points hard at the divorce route with no hope of anything else.

You not having kids together locks in the decision from my perspective.

Run, OP.

Get a lawyer and end this farce of a marriage.


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## Harken Banks (Jun 12, 2012)

Are you married? Just get out. Unless you are happy with an arrangement where she as sex with other guys and lies to you.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

Dazzadub said:


> He doesn't work with her. It was one of her colleagues mates that came to celebrate his bday. He is married and had condoms with him lol says it all what his intentions were
> ³


So maybe her male colleague knew your wayward was easy lay from experience, so invited his friend to come share the fun. The guy brought condoms because he knew your wayward would give him a great BD present.

What you know is about 10% of what is true


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

To recap: That night, she entered a hotel, another man entered her, and she at that point, exited your marriage.



Do not assume that this was the first serious breach of your marriage.

It was not likely a one-night stand, she probably knew the guy from before, and this was planned.

If it was a one-night stand, she has practiced this one-leg out the door, balancing act before.
How many straight-laced wives go from zero to a one night stand? 

Either way, she is now that exposed cheat.

Save yours, and divorce her beet red, flush face


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## Dazzadub (8 mo ago)

syhoybenden said:


> You have now had your first glimpse at the tip of the iceberg.
> Rest assured that this was NOT her first rodeo.
> Time to start doing your homework.
> Phone.
> ...


I think your right. She has been on nights out before and come home late etc 
Need question it all now


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

Dazzadub said:


> 8 am home was a concern and I was awake around 4am wondering where she was. Messaged her and she was shady. It's not normal for her at all.
> 
> I found out by snooping as I felt I wasn't told the whole story and felt something was off. So I took a look. Not much to see just a a search history that night looking at hotel near where she was. I asked her and pretended I knew more then I did and she confessed.
> 
> Still don't think it's all as they clearly had a convo about something more as he added her on facebook


You’ve only gotten the tip of the iceberg here buddy. I wonder did she fall asleep after she had sex and that’s why she was so late home. 
Somehow I don’t think this is her first rodeo.


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## Dazzadub (8 mo ago)

Andy1001 said:


> You’ve only gotten the tip of the iceberg here buddy. I wonder did she fall asleep after she had sex and that’s why she was so late home.
> Somehow I don’t think this is her first rodeo.


She said she fell asleep with him


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

Dazzadub said:


> She said she fell asleep with him


So she was fully and completely satisfied and sated. She was relaxed with him. Didn’t think about you at all. Sorry, she is done with you.


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## OnTheFly (Mar 12, 2015)

Dazzadub said:


> I can't be 100% it's the full story tho.


It's not.

She tried a half-assed attempt at lying, then confessing easily, with no apparent remorse or regret.....it is NOT a good sign for your marriage/partnership/arrangement.



Dazzadub said:


> No kids together


You're better off than most. Take that as a blessing and deal accordingly.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

syhoybenden said:


> Time to start doing your homework.


Honestly what is point of doing “homework”? He aleady knows she screwed another man all night long. What more does he need. The answer to “what do I do?” is obvious. She divorced him, but didn’t bother to tell him. He just needs to formalize what she already did and move on. No kids and she has a job so ought to be cheap and quick.


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## Harken Banks (Jun 12, 2012)

Rus47 said:


> Sorry, she is done with you.


It doesn't matter. It shouldn't matter. Whether she is "done" with him should be completely irrelevant. How can staying in this work out anything but miserably for Dazzabub. What is there to discuss?


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Dazzadub said:


> I think your right. She has been on nights out before and come home late etc
> Need question it all now


Sadly she has shown she cant be trusted and has probably done it before on the times she was late home. 
With no children you may want to divorce, she lies and cheats and has no intention of being faithful.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

Dazzadub said:


> She said she fell asleep with him


This is a very big red flag. She accidentally fell asleep, you wouldn’t have suspected a thing if she hadn’t.


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## Tested_by_stress (Apr 1, 2021)

Her ass would already be out the door and the locks changed if I was the OP. I don't believe it was her first liaison either but, that's irrelevant. Once is more than enough.


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## Tested_by_stress (Apr 1, 2021)

Dazzadub said:


> She said she fell asleep with him


This should remove any doubt as to wether this was her first one.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

He didn’t bring condoms. 
“she has stayed out all night in the past”
You’ve now seen what married women th are t stay out late partying are really doing. 
So divorce her and steer clear of wifing up party girls.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

Dazzadub said:


> She went out with work friends for a bday party and when she came home at 8.


If you do decide to stay together, she needs to find a new job and drop these "friends". It doesn't matter that she didn't cheat with a colleague (that you know of). They and their toxic environment encouraged it.



> Hugged me kissed me and said she loved me.


So she had absolutely _zero_ remorse whatsoever to be able to come home from that and immediately hug and kiss you and say ILY. 



> I felt something was off as she said she was smoking pot at girlfreinds house but couldn't smell it so asked more, she said she kissed a guy and that was it back to girls house for smoke. I forgave and moved on


That's a mistake on your part. You cannot forgive or move on that quickly. That'll put you on the path to rug sweeping, not reconciling. 



> next day the guy she said she kissed added her on Facebook and it took her 2 days to remove him as she wanted to be polite and message him first to say she was removing it.


Again, absolutely zero remorse. If this was a drunken mistake she would be mortified at what she had done. She certainly wouldnt add him on Facebook after the fact AND after you knew about "the kiss". This likely isn't her first rodeo. She has zero remorse and doesn't give a **** about you. She put a man she allegedly had "just" a ONS with above you and was already so attached (red flag, btw). She didn't want to remove him right away to "be polite"? Uh, no. She should care about your feelings, not his. 

Did you see the "goodbye" message she sent him? How do you know he wasn't on her FB sooner than that? 



> Fast forward 2 weeks. It's come to light after the club closed they got a hotel room and had sex and were together in there for 4 hrs.
> She made every effort to brush this as just a kiss and a mistake and we should forget it, she even told me she knew what she was doing that night aswell.


She's trickle truthing you, and there is likely more - nearly always is. The truth really doesn't matter at this point if you are already set on divorce, and this is definitely divorce worthy. 

A mistake? No. She chose to do this and made many, many steps along the way to do it - even after the fact. Most cheaters try to brush it off like they accidentally burned your toast. If you do decide to reconcile, there is a lot of work to do. Mostly on her side but on your side as well. 



> What do I do. She lied, hid it from me, slept with a guy, added him on Facebook and struggled to block him.


That's up to you. To be quite honest, this doesn't seem to be bothering you that much. The way you are writing and the lol's aren't what one would expect from someone who was so brokenhearted and traumatized from this revelation. So, assuming this post is even real, maybe it's not a big deal to you. Who knows, some guys get off on it. 

If you want to end the relationship, go for it. If you want to stay, go for it but know it's a long, hard path back and a lot of it depends on the cheater.


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## Dictum Veritas (Oct 22, 2020)

@Dazzadub , I'm sorry you are here. This hurts, it really hurts.

Unfortunately despite the debilitating pain, this is the time to act. I'm going to throw out a couple of things for you to do. Keeping busy and ensuring that you are securing your future eases the pain or at least let's a couple of hours pass without you focusing on it.

*Lawyer:*

Go see a lawyer and see about your financial and legal stance. If you are married, have divorce papers drawn up and have her served. Even if you are thinking of keeping her (which I would advise against), a divorce takes quite a long time and can be halted, but at the very least shows her the magnitude of her betrayal and the consequences of her actions.

*Medical:*

I don't think this is her first spin around this particular carousel. Have a full STD panel. Some of those bugs are deadly.

*Finances:*

Open a new bank account and transfer half of all money from any joint accounts into it. Have any paychecks diverted to the new account. Cancel any overdraft facilities on the joint accounts.
Close or put a hold onto all joint credit cards or other avenues of gaining access to credit.

*Distance and The 180:*

Search for, read and practice a method of detachment called the 180. This is for you to detach from her and start removing her from your heart. It might be a good idea to take leave if you have some and go away somewhere by yourself to create physical distance between yourself initially.

Many BS's, myself included resisted that idea because our first instincts is to mate-guard, but it is important to realize that it's too late for that now. What's the worst thing she can do while you are away, screw another man? She has already done that. You need the distance more.

*Alcohol, drugs etc.*:

Short answer, stay away. You need your wits about you at this time.

*Exercise an Food*:

Vigorous exercise helps you get rid of frustration and it releases endorphins which helps counteract the depression. Although a loss of appetite is normal, force yourself to eat healthy food. You have a battle to fight and you need the nourishment.


Good luck to you. This is a tough and painful road ahead. Your obligations towards your wife has ceased since she has broken her vows leaving you owing her nothing but scorn. The only person you need to take care of and heal now is yourself.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

In the end, it is a good thing when that truth leaps from the dark, into the light.

That underlying hidden doubt is much more troublesome, than that said and made, verity met.

_
King Brian-_


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Some parasites feed in the dark, and are unknown.
Some, secretly eat of your good nature, your soul.

You may never know of their chews, that nibbling at the edges.
The face that other's see is damaged, not the one you see in the mirror.
The others know the truth, that you are slowly being eaten alive in the dark.

The parasite remains hidden, until they bite off more than they can explain away.
At that point the pain and the betrayal is discovered, is felt acutely.


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## plastow (Jan 4, 2022)

Dazzadub said:


> She went out with work friends for a bday party and when she came home at 8. Hugged me kissed me and said she loved me. I felt something was off as she said she was smoking pot at girlfreinds house but couldn't smell it so asked more, she said she kissed a guy and that was it back to girls house for smoke. I forgave and moved on next day the guy she said she kissed added her on Facebook and it took her 2 days to remove him as she wanted to be polite and message him first to say she was removing it. Fast forward 2 weeks. It's come to light after the club closed they got a hotel room and had sex and were together in there for 4 hrs.
> She made every effort to brush this as just a kiss and a mistake and we should forget it, she even told me she knew what she was doing that night aswell.
> 
> What do I do. She lied, hid it from me, slept with a guy, added him on Facebook and struggled to block him.


she did what she wanted to do and if you allow this to go unpunished she will do it again and again,look to her past actions check her phone history and bills .then decide how to deal with it.but do so with care you need to be very firm on this.as what she did was awful.


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## plastow (Jan 4, 2022)

Dazzadub said:


> He doesn't work with her. It was one of her colleagues mates that came to celebrate his bday. He is married and had condoms with him lol says it all what his intentions were
> ³


how many times has he met with your wife.i say wife but thats not what she is now.she is a ****.he may well have been having his way with her many times over and may even have passed her around to his pals


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## Dictum Veritas (Oct 22, 2020)

@Dazzadub , if you live somewhere where adultery is a factor in divorce, gathering some proof is advisable. Call records or a full restore of her phone would be a place to start, focusing on locations, messages and call records.

Especially check what she says to friends. Women tend to share their darker secrets with their friends.

You may want to dangle reconciliation in front of her on the condition of a full written timeline of her affair or ONS as she proclaims. Through this she will incriminate herself.

Get a VAR and record all interactions between you two from now on. False DV charges get filed against men in times such as this and an audio recording can just prove you innocence. A VAR in her car or where she normally makes phone calls can get you further information on the subject at hand.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

This is a woman that stays out partying and smoking weed and f’ing whatever dude is present. Then comes home with bad breath and hugs and kisses her husband and tells him she loves him.

one can find a woman like this anywhere.

He doesn’t have kids with her. It’s a no-brainer.
After divorcing, OP needs to figure out why he’d accept a partner that stays out all night partying….. so he doesn’t get a repeat performance with the next one.


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## QuietGuy (Aug 31, 2021)

Why would you even consider staying with this woman. She has zero problem cheating on you and lying to your face. Her actions are so bold and brazen that it is unlikely this is the only time she cheated. Even when she said it was just a kiss, you forgave her right away. Even a kiss is a major transgression for a married woman. She seems far more invested in her single life than she is in your marriage. I think you should not worry about finding any more details about her transgressions and just end the marriage. Find someone who is more worthy to spend your life with. If you stay with this one, you are in for a lot more pain.


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## Dazzadub (8 mo ago)

Tested_by_stress said:


> This should remove any doubt as to wether this was her first one.


She swears this was the first time they met and was a drunken evening


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## Dazzadub (8 mo ago)

bobert said:


> If you do decide to stay together, she needs to find a new job and drop these "friends". It doesn't matter that she didn't cheat with a colleague (that you know of). They and their toxic environment encouraged it.
> 
> 
> So she had absolutely _zero_ remorse whatsoever to be able to come home from that and immediately hug and kiss you and say ILY.
> ...


I did see the good bye message. It didn't state what they did just it was wrong and she wants to fix her relationship with me.


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## ElOtro (Apr 4, 2021)

Lies are merely part of the logistics that protects the main reality thet happens, so if known or not, outside minds 
So a lie, not being by itself good, is not IMO the core of the problem. It´s what lies are about.
IMO again, besides pragmatics, sincerity (being it good by itself) when about cheating is a very weak "virtue".


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## Dazzadub (8 mo ago)

bobert said:


> If you do decide to stay together, she needs to find a new job and drop these "friends". It doesn't matter that she didn't cheat with a colleague (that you know of). They and their toxic environment encouraged it.
> 
> 
> So she had absolutely _zero_ remorse whatsoever to be able to come home from that and immediately hug and kiss you and say ILY.
> ...


I've had 2 weeks to come to terms with a kiss and kinda knew there was more. I guess the lol is to stop myself getting angry and upset


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## Dictum Veritas (Oct 22, 2020)

Dazzadub said:


> She swears this was the first time they met and was a drunken evening


She has proven that she can come back from being railed by another man all night long and lie to your face. Please don't take her word for anything now. This will not serve you at all.


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## Dazzadub (8 mo ago)

plastow said:


> how many times has he met with your wife.i say wife but thats not what she is now.she is a ****.he may well have been having his way with her many times over and may even have passed her around to his pals


They didn't know each other before this that I'm aware of.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

Dazzadub said:


> I did see the good bye message. It didn't state what they did just it was wrong and she wants to fix her relationship with me.


You should change your avatar to something more anonymous than you and your child.



Dazzadub said:


> She swears this was the first time they met and was a drunken evening


Uh huh, then what's her excuse for accepting his FB request? She wasn't still drunk two days later. And again, how do you know when she added him? If you're trusting her word, don't.


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## ElOtro (Apr 4, 2021)

Dazzadub said:


> She swears this was the first time they met and was a drunken evening


"In vino veritas"


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## ElOtro (Apr 4, 2021)

Dazzadub said:


> They didn't know each other before this that I'm aware of.


Well, they now know each other better.
So problem fixed.


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## Dictum Veritas (Oct 22, 2020)

Dazzadub said:


> I did see the good bye message. It didn't state what they did just it was wrong and she wants to fix her relationship with me.


What relationship, the one she left stained and ruined in the sweat and semen between the sheets of a motel room? You had better make her understand she has no relationship with you now. Even if you take her back, she has to earn a brand new relationship. That one was nuked and cannot be fixed.

No children, I will be frank I don't see how building a new relationship on the ghosts of the one she killed can be worth it at all.


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## Dazzadub (8 mo ago)

bobert said:


> You should change your avatar to something more anonymous than you and your child.
> 
> 
> Uh huh, then what's her excuse for accepting his FB request? She wasn't still drunk two days later. And again, how do you know when she added him? If you're trusting her word, don't.


Facebook has this thunk of showing you people you should add. And she told me his first name when you spoke about kiss and then I see this freind suggestion for a random bloke I'd never seen before


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## Dazzadub (8 mo ago)

bobert said:


> You should change your avatar to something more anonymous than you and your child.
> 
> 
> Uh huh, then what's her excuse for accepting his FB request? She wasn't still drunk two days later. And again, how do you know when she added him? If you're trusting her word, don't.


Facebook has this thunk of showing you people you should add. And she told me his first name when you spoke about kiss and then I see this freind suggestion for a random bloke I'd never seen before


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## Dictum Veritas (Oct 22, 2020)

Dazzadub said:


> Facebook has this thunk of showing you people you should add. And she told me his first name when you spoke about kiss and then I see this freind suggestion for a random bloke I'd never seen before


She added him behind your back as well. If you didn't see that notification, she's have been keeping on, keeping on with him as well.


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## Dazzadub (8 mo ago)

Dictum Veritas said:


> She added him behind you back as well. If you didn't see that notification, she's have been keeping on, keeping on with him as well.


She said he added her the day after. She said she felt bad not accepting. She said she thinks they had discussion about adding each other on Facebook which I said is ****ing stupid who does that to a ONS that meant nothing.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Dazzadub said:


> They didn't know each other before this *that I'm aware of.*


You’re just not getting it


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Dazzadub said:


> She said he added her the day after. She said she felt bad not accepting. She said she thinks they had discussion about adding each other on Facebook which I said is ****ing stupid who does that to a ONS that meant nothing.


How to tell if your wife is lying to your face:
She looking toward you and her lips are moving.
Gotta come to know: Cheaters lie


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## Dazzadub (8 mo ago)

Evinrude58 said:


> You’re just not getting it


I get your thinking but I do genuinely think they didn't. They had no connection ever to meet. Only time she been out with work mates like this


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## Dictum Veritas (Oct 22, 2020)

Dazzadub said:


> She said he added her the day after. She said she felt bad not accepting. She said she thinks they had discussion about adding each other on Facebook which I said is ****ing stupid who does that to a ONS that meant nothing.


You trust you gut on that her story is BS. It is time for you to realize that she is not the woman you thought she was. She has now shown you who she is. Believe her actions (the actions she thought she could hide), not her words.

If you slap a guy and he falls at your feet in a ball, do you respect him, or would you respect him more if he stood up and gave you a good fight?

She has spit in your face and slapped you. If she sees no severe consequences, you will loose even the last shreds of respect she might still have for you.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Dazzadub said:


> I get your thinking but I do genuinely think they didn't. They had no connection ever to meet. Only time she been out with work mates like this


How is that making you feel better?

id have more respect for a woman who fellin love with a colleague that she spent every day with and the temptation finally got the best of her, than a woman who goes out drinking and smoking weed and bangs a guy she doesn’t even know. That’s trashy even for single women.
What I’m trying to say is that THIS is the one incident you “are aware of”. Dude, this is the proverbial tip of the iceberg.

your wife is loose with the goose.
She always has been. This isn’t a sudden change. It just doesn’t work that way.


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## Dictum Veritas (Oct 22, 2020)

Dazzadub said:


> I get your thinking but I do genuinely think they didn't. They had no connection ever to meet. Only time she been out with work mates like this


Now that shows character on her part, doesn't it? The first time she goes with work mates like that she just trips and falls onto a guys penis. Wow! Mate, even if this is true, how is this better?

Oh and all cheaters use condoms, all of them except it's very much always a lie. If they betray you for thrills, condoms are the last thing on their minds.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Dazzadub said:


> I get your thinking but I do genuinely think they didn't. They had no connection ever to meet. Only time she been out with work mates like this


So who was she with all the other times she didnt come home till the next day?


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## A18S37K14H18 (Dec 14, 2021)

Dazzadub said:


> She swears this was the first time they met and was a drunken evening


OP

Come on. The title to your post is "She Lied".

You know you can't trust or believe what she says.

This pains me but you will find out, quickly, that you will be pushing the boulder of reconciliation up the mountain ALONE.

I get your head is spinning and you don't want to believe any of this happened but it did and you need to deal with reality.

She does not love or care about you the way you love and care about her.

She's done a lot more than just this. Your head knows it. Your heart is trying to come to terms with it and it hurts. I and many others on here know this as we've been cheated on.


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## QuietGuy (Aug 31, 2021)

Dazzadub said:


> What do I do. She lied, hid it from me, slept with a guy, added him on Facebook and struggled to block him.


You wrote this and it says all that needs to be said. What more do you need to know. She does not respect you at all. She 1st admitted to a kiss because it alleviated most of her guilt and she thought you would buy it. She is likely to say she withheld the full truth to protect your feelings, but in reality she was just protecting herself. You seem to place a lot of faith in her words. She is a proven liar. Cheaters lie, then they lie some more. According to her, she had a ONS with a stranger, became facebook friends with him and then didn't want to unfriend him or block him until she sent him a nice message. She still had more concern for him than she had for you and supposedly he was just a one off ONS - ya right.

Please wake up. She doesn't care about you. She wants to keep the marriage because it is a nice stable base for her, and she has such an accepting and forgiving partner. What better situation could a cheater have? It is all about her. 
There is much more to her cheating than you know.

As far as the good bye message goes, so what. There are many ways they can stay in touch that are much harder to find.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Dazzadub said:


> They didn't know each other before this that I'm aware of.


Well...... actually unwell she is, this makes it all the worse.

She took a stranger to task, to bed, not having a bit of prior feeling for him, she not having a lick of sense.

This is pure lust, acting.

She betrayed you for lust.

This revelation, Mate, makes it all the worse, innit.

It would make it, more the better, had she known him a-fore (aye, she may have).

She is a serial cheater, a pagan, yes, an impending plastic, _Post Toasties_ cereal trinket, um, trumpet.


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

It could be the first time but it might not be. Either way, she sounds like she wants to be single. You can’t progress with a future with someone who doesn’t want monogamy. I echo the others, get some legal advice and start planning to exit this relationship. You may be in denial because she probably talks a good game to hang onto you while she explores other men. Break ups are tough, but staying in a relationship with a liar will be way worse. Stay strong.


----------



## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

Dazzadub said:


> She went out with work friends for a bday party and when she came home at 8. Hugged me kissed me and said she loved me. I felt something was off as she said she was smoking pot at girlfreinds house but couldn't smell it so asked more, she said she kissed a guy and that was it back to girls house for smoke. I forgave and moved on next day the guy she said she kissed added her on Facebook and it took her 2 days to remove him as she wanted to be polite and message him first to say she was removing it. Fast forward 2 weeks. It's come to light after the club closed they got a hotel room and had sex and were together in there for 4 hrs.
> She made every effort to brush this as just a kiss and a mistake and we should forget it, she even told me she knew what she was doing that night aswell.
> 
> What do I do. She lied, hid it from me, slept with a guy, added him on Facebook and struggled to block him.


The mere fact that you are asking what to do days it all. The response should be automatic in my opinion. You don't even have kids together, why stay with a lying cheating *****?


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Try not to think of it as “an isolated incident” that you can forgive. 
what it is:
Stupid in this case to forgive, because she clearly has no character and doesn’t care about you. A woman that did this that has any conscience at all-/- she’d be horrified and couldn’t look you in the eye for weeks.

not an isolated incident: people that are faithful just don’t let this kind of thing ever even get in the ballpark if happening. She’s a serial cheater. It didn’t even bother her the next day.

like Deidre said, breaking up is hard as hell and painful for everyone. But people that wind up happy—- it’s because they don’t tolerate this kind of stuff.

what she did, the way you found out, and her actions after—- Its divorce time. You should accept who she is and act accordingly.

You must not believe this, but there’s no shortage of women. You found her, you can find another.


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## ShatteredKat (Mar 23, 2016)

*Dazzadub*

People here are wondering - for lack of better choice of words - your almost total lack of self-esteem and respect for yourself.

The info you are posting smells worse than a horse barn that hasn't been cleaned in weeks!











"We here" see your story almost weekly and the stories are, for sure, much more common as many don't join sites like TAM to look for help dealing with the (horse) crap.

Eventually you will see your "mate" as not worth the trouble of even a casual friendship.

A thought occurred to me? Is the group of people you hang with, your family, your work fellows - all OK with this kind of 
"wife behavior?" If so, you may want to reconsider the crowd(s) of people with whom you associate.

The majority of people on this planet do not accept adultery - all nationalities, all religions, even atheists.
Even polygamous couples have rules which would not align with your wife's actions.

Please tell us here why you are so accepting of a wife that is willing to bring home to you an intentionally life altering STD?
And add an explanation for why you are so willing to accept the disrespect she has for you as illustrated by her behavior.


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

Dazzadub said:


> I think your right. She has been on nights out before and come home late etc
> Need question it all now


No you don't need to question anything, you have all the necessary answers.


----------



## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Dazzadub said:


> She went out with work friends for a bday party and when she came home at 8. Hugged me kissed me and said she loved me. I felt something was off as she said she was smoking pot at girlfreinds house but couldn't smell it so asked more, she said she kissed a guy and that was it back to girls house for smoke. I forgave and moved on next day the guy she said she kissed added her on Facebook and it took her 2 days to remove him as she wanted to be polite and message him first to say she was removing it. Fast forward 2 weeks. It's come to light after the club closed they got a hotel room and had sex and were together in there for 4 hrs.
> She made every effort to brush this as just a kiss and a mistake and we should forget it, she even told me she knew what she was doing that night aswell.
> 
> What do I do. She lied, hid it from me, slept with a guy, added him on Facebook and struggled to block him.





Dazzadub said:


> I think your right. She has been on nights out before and come home late etc
> Need question it all now


Likely not the first time.

Kick her to the curb.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Sounds like your wife doesn’t like hurting anyone‘s feelings by ignoring them — or saying “no” — so my guess is you’ll always wonder who’s next.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Dazzadub said:


> She went out with work friends for a bday party and when she came home at 8. Hugged me kissed me and said she loved me. I felt something was off as she said she was smoking pot at girlfreinds house but couldn't smell it so asked more, she said she kissed a guy and that was it back to girls house for smoke. I forgave and moved on next day the guy she said she kissed added her on Facebook and it took her 2 days to remove him as she wanted to be polite and message him first to say she was removing it. Fast forward 2 weeks. It's come to light after the club closed they got a hotel room and had sex and were together in there for 4 hrs.
> She made every effort to brush this as just a kiss and a mistake and we should forget it, she even told me she knew what she was doing that night aswell.
> 
> What do I do. She lied, hid it from me, slept with a guy, added him on Facebook and struggled to block him.


Curb her. She is for the streets.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Dazzadub said:


> She swears this was the first time they met and was a drunken evening


All cheaters lie a lot. If you learn nothing else. Learn that.


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## EveningThoughts (Jul 12, 2018)

Did you meet each other/your partner through having a one night stand together?

I'm just trying to gauge your attractions to each other.
It might be that you are both quick to sexual attraction and then sex, then relationship.

This start could also cause the end.

If it was a slower courtship, then I think you might have worn the rose tinted glasses longer than your partner did.

It's time to show who you really are!


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## Dazzadub (8 mo ago)

EveningThoughts said:


> Did you meet each other/your partner through having a one night stand together?
> 
> I'm just trying to gauge your attractions to each other.
> It might be that you are both quick to sexual attraction and then sex, then relationship.
> ...


We dated for a year. And we then moved in together and her kids came as part of the package. Reason I'm here is because I love the girl to bits and have never ever doubted her or not had trust for her in 4 yrs together. When we first got together I was still with my ex and this is something she says hurt her because I didn't tell her straight away while dating even tho me and the ex were separated.


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## bygone (11 mo ago)

Your wife chooses to stay with you because she can control you.

friends nights and staying out, sleeping with the guy for 4 hours, adding to fb etc.

your Wife says it's the first time.

Your wife knows you well enough to think you wouldn't mind if she cheated on you the one time!

you have to believe in your wife
or 
you should divorce

If you wanted a divorce, you wouldn't have tried to convince yourself here anyway, you can say that I "talked to a lawyer and filed a lawsuit".


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Are you insecure, desperate or some combination of both?

A single mom gets you to take her and her kids and then f's around on you purposefully and lies her ass off about it?

There are far better women out there.


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## Tested_by_stress (Apr 1, 2021)

Dazzadub said:


> She swears this was the first time they met and was a drunken evening


Drunken huh? Didn't you find hotel searches on her phone for this episode? Must not have been too drunk to search for a place to shag him.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Tested_by_stress said:


> Drunken huh? Didn't you find hotel searches on her phone for this episode? Must not have been to drunk to search for a place to shag him.


Premeditated, planned and purposeful.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Dazzadub said:


> We dated for a year. And we then moved in together and her kids came as part of the package. Reason I'm here is because I love the girl to bits and have never ever doubted her or not had trust for her in 4 yrs together. When we first got together I was still with my ex and this is something she says hurt her because I didn't tell her straight away while dating even tho me and the ex were separated.


What do you think she was doing all those other nights you said she didn't come home?


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## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

She is showing you who she is.

I’d end it - like yesterday!


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Dazzadub said:


> Reason I'm here is because I love the girl to bits and have never ever doubted her or not had trust for her in 4 yrs together.


It doesn't appear that the feelings of love are reciprocated.

I assume since you "love her to bits" that you are looking for advice/ways to save the marriage. Sorry I can't oblige. I see no reason to stay with a liar and cheat.


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## Captain Obvious (Mar 14, 2021)

She found a caretaker for her and her kids. Are you not enraged that you you took her and her children in, cared for and loved them, and she repays you by screwing some dude in a hotel room all night? I’m not trying to be mean here, her actions were premeditated and she enjoyed it.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Wedding in the UK: 17,000.

Raising at least two kids from another man for 4 years: 37,000.

Tasting another man's weenie when you kiss your wife: Priceless.


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## A18S37K14H18 (Dec 14, 2021)

OP,

Please read this. It's an article from "The Chump Lady" and she's well known, many talk about her, read her articles etc.

She gives good advice.

This article is entitled "Five Things That Keep You Stuck With a Cheater".

Five Things That Keep You Stuck With a Cheater - ChumpLady.com

And while you're in her website, take a look around and read a lot more, it can help you.


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## ElOtro (Apr 4, 2021)

*Deidre* said:


> It could be the first time but it might not be. Either way, she sounds like she wants to be single. You can’t progress with a future with someone who doesn’t want monogamy.


THIS


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## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

Dazzadub said:


> Reason I'm here is because I love the girl to bits and have never ever doubted her or not had trust for her in 4 yrs together.


1) Ask a mod to move this tread to the Coping with Infidelity section, because that is what this is all about.
2) You titled this thread “She lied” which is a massive understatement of what she did.
3) She had you stay home to watch her kids (that she did not have with you) so that she was able to rent a hotel room with another man, and not get home until 8:00am. I am in awe of her open disrespect for you.
4) She rents a hotel room with another man and stays out with him until 8:00am, and her response for coming home so late is that she fell asleep, is so cavalier, I am in further awe of her open disrespect for you.
5) She Facebook friends the guy and then explains that she did this because she felt obligated to be polite to him. Once again, I am in awe of her open disrespect for you.
6) Your lack of a serious response that fully recognizes the significance of her betrayal, because you “love the girl to bits”, leaves me in awe of your open disrespect for yourself.

You say that you “have never ever doubted her”, well now you should, because this betrayal is big. Also, why are you calmly taking part in conversations with a spouse that does not even feel the need to apologize for her cheating. It is time to stop listening to her bull. It is time to take real action.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

Dazzadub said:


> I did see the good bye message. It didn't state what they did just it was wrong and she wants to fix her relationship with me.


If you have his name, find out who his WIFE is -- let that woman know what a cheater she is married to. Obviously DO NOT tell your wife you are doing this...


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

BTW, you mentioned that you were trying not to be angry about this. WHY IN GOD'S NAME NOT? You SHOULD be angry -- you should be pissed off, and SHE should know that.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

"sigh" 

It must be all the soy in everything


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## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

syhoybenden said:


> You have now had your first glimpse at the tip of the iceberg.
> Rest assured that this was NOT her first rodeo.
> Time to start doing your homework.
> Phone.
> ...



I agree with this completely.

Not her first rodeo.

The way she reacted here was not just no remorse, it was 'in your face'. 

I agree, gather evidence.

No sex, do a 180, gather evidence, no kids. End this marriage.

There have been others but this time, she upped the game by staying out and not caring. 

Lawyer up without her knowing. See what your situation looks like. 

When you detach, be brutal if she interferes


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## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

SunCMars said:


> To recap: That night, she entered a hotel, another man entered her, and she at that point, exited your marriage.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


and find out the OM's wife's location and expose him to her. He shouldn't be able to cheat for free


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## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

jlg07 said:


> BTW, you mentioned that you were trying not to be angry about this. WHY IN GOD'S NAME NOT? You SHOULD be angry -- you should be pissed off, and SHE should know that.


right. Be angry, but don't do anything stupid. Be angry and use in constructively. 180, protect assets and divorce. Don't show her any respect. Just use the anger to motivate and let her know that this isn't tolerable


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## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

ConanHub said:


> Wedding in the UK: 17,000.
> 
> Raising at least two kids from another man for 4 years: 37,000.
> 
> Tasting another man's weenie when you kiss your wife: Priceless.


hahaha. Yes. This is spot on


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## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

*Deidre* said:


> It could be the first time but it might not be. Either way, she sounds like she wants to be single. You can’t progress with a future with someone who doesn’t want monogamy. I echo the others, get some legal advice and start planning to exit this relationship. You may be in denial because she probably talks a good game to hang onto you while she explores other men. Break ups are tough, but staying in a relationship with a liar will be way worse. Stay strong.


Agreed 100%


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Dazzadub said:


> No kids together


Well, what are you waiting for?


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## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

Captain Obvious said:


> She found a caretaker for her and her kids. Are you not enraged that you you took her and her children in, cared for and loved them, and she repays you by screwing some dude in a hotel room all night? I’m not trying to be mean here, her actions were premeditated and she enjoyed it.


I absolutely agree with this. You are the security while she gets her harem. No way. Strategy and let go


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## Lynnsnake (Dec 4, 2021)

Dazzadub said:


> He doesn't work with her. It was one of her colleagues mates that came to celebrate his bday. He is married and had condoms with him lol says it all what his intentions were
> ³


Is she on birth control? They probably had sex more than once. Condoms may not have been used every time. You may have a surprise coming.


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## Landofblue (May 28, 2019)

Ask her today if she will watch the kids this week at night so you can go out with the guys and find some woman to **** in a hotel room. Tell her you won’t be back late but don’t wait up. 

Don’t actually hook up with anyone but it wouldn’t be bad to tell her she’s not allowed to go out without you ever again if she wants to remain in this relationship with you and that you’ll be going out more.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Landofblue said:


> Ask her today if she will watch the kids this week at night so you can go out with the guys and find some woman to **** in a hotel room. Tell her you won’t be back late but don’t wait up.
> 
> Don’t actually hook up with anyone but it wouldn’t be bad to tell her she’s not allowed to go out without you ever again if she wants to remain in this relationship with you and that you’ll be going out more.


They have no kids.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

Diana7 said:


> They have no kids.


She has kids from a previous relationship.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Andy1001 said:


> She has kids from a previous relationship.


Oh yes you are right.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Dazzadub said:


> He doesn't work with her. It was one of her colleagues mates that came to celebrate his bday. He is married and had condoms with him lol says it all what his intentions were
> ³


And that means what to you?

We know what it means to OM, and to your W.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

I’m still trying to wrap my head around a blatant, in your face, cheater who plainly screws around and plans shagging dates at hotels overnight, then comes home at 8am and kisses her husband and says ILY. I mean, this is the guy who took her AND another man’s child in and wifed her up.

If OP let’s this one slide and stays in this……
There is only one thing coming his way: photo below.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

Dazzadub said:


> She went out with work friends for a bday party and when she came home at 8. Hugged me kissed me and said she loved me. I felt something was off as she said she was smoking pot at girlfreinds house but couldn't smell it so asked more, she said she kissed a guy and that was it back to girls house for smoke. I forgave and moved on next day the guy she said she kissed added her on Facebook and it took her 2 days to remove him as she wanted to be polite and message him first to say she was removing it. Fast forward 2 weeks. It's come to light after the club closed they got a hotel room and had sex and were together in there for 4 hrs.
> She made every effort to brush this as just a kiss and a mistake and we should forget it, she even told me she knew what she was doing that night aswell.
> 
> What do I do. She lied, hid it from me, slept with a guy, added him on Facebook and struggled to block him.


So what’s the problem. Cut her out of your life.


----------



## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

Dazzadub said:


> She said he added her the day after. She said she felt bad not accepting. She said she thinks they had discussion about adding each other on Facebook which I said is ****ing stupid who does that to a ONS that meant nothing.


Why in the world are you even worried about f’n FB?!?!?!?!

She spent 4 hrs in a hotel getting her brains f’d out. Is this not the problem?


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

The op has left the building.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Andy1001 said:


> The op has left the building.


I'm thinking he might get more support for his position on FetLife.😉


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

ConanHub said:


> I'm thinking he might get more support for his position on FetLife.😉


Could be.

Some people don’t actually want any input on how to make better of themselves or how to get out of a particularly troublesome predicament.

They want pats on the back for what a good little boy/girl they are being and for people to be wowed by how much pain and suffering they can endure. 

They want people to cheer the hero (them), and boo the villain (the OM/OW)

They don’t actually want to do anything.


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

oldshirt said:


> Could be.
> 
> Some people don’t actually want any input on how to make better of themselves or how to get out of a particularly troublesome predicament.
> 
> ...


I don't know. This guy was all about figuring out what he could do or change or cope with.

He was overlooking it wasn't about him needing to do anything other than leave.

Maybe he did want to learn how to be a better whipping boy.


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## seadoug105 (Jan 12, 2018)

OP…. I make the following comment not out of malice but in hopes to open your eyes….

OP! Overall you seem pretty accepting of the situation so the only advice I have for you is …

Start keeping a jar of maraschino cherries in your night stand. I hear they go well with creampies!


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

Dazzadub said:


> Need question it all now


Question it all now??? WTF? you don't need to question crap at all. if you were a man that have self-respect and dignity, you wouldn't be second guessing yourself at all, because to a man that have pride, self respect, and dignity it wouldn't matter one bit the who, when, where, how many times, etc., It would only matter that she did. Marriage/relationship over, period. Nothing else is the matter.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

Dazzadub said:


> She swears this was the first time they met and was a drunken evening


Bull ****! Wife wants to go on GNO? She can carry her ass on down the road, I'm done.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

Some can’t handle the truth.

I am wondering if she cheated in all of her previous relationships.

One would think she would keep her knees together and stayed faithful out of gratitude. OP did take the dad position on for her kids. She couldn’t even stay faithful for their sake.


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

Dazzadub said:


> I get your thinking but I do genuinely think they didn't. They had no connection ever to meet. Only time she been out with work mates like this


This might be an okay approach if she didn't already sleep with him.

Sent from my Pixel 6 using Tapatalk


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## David60525 (Oct 5, 2021)

Dazzadub said:


> She went out with work friends for a bday party and when she came home at 8. Hugged me kissed me and said she loved me. I felt something was off as she said she was smoking pot at girlfreinds house but couldn't smell it so asked more, she said she kissed a guy and that was it back to girls house for smoke. I forgave and moved on next day the guy she said she kissed added her on Facebook and it took her 2 days to remove him as she wanted to be polite and message him first to say she was removing it. Fast forward 2 weeks. It's come to light after the club closed they got a hotel room and had sex and were together in there for 4 hrs.
> She made every effort to brush this as just a kiss and a mistake and we should forget it, she even told me she knew what she was doing that night aswell.
> 
> What do I do. She lied, hid it from me, slept with a guy, added him on Facebook and struggled to block him.


Tell her your disgust, forgive put, her on leash to build trust, she needs to be real remorseful and make amends, and promise to be the proverbs and ephesians woman she is. You be the godly lead of the home and marriage. Not do it again,bad judgment, have you goofed up too?
Examine that. You got othet issues you both need looking at, if needing advice from here.


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## truststone (8 mo ago)

Dazzadub said:


> She went out with work friends for a bday party and when she came home at 8. Hugged me kissed me and said she loved me. I felt something was off as she said she was smoking pot at girlfreinds house but couldn't smell it so asked more, she said she kissed a guy and that was it back to girls house for smoke. I forgave and moved on next day the guy she said she kissed added her on Facebook and it took her 2 days to remove him as she wanted to be polite and message him first to say she was removing it. Fast forward 2 weeks. It's come to light after the club closed they got a hotel room and had sex and were together in there for 4 hrs.
> She made every effort to brush this as just a kiss and a mistake and we should forget it, she even told me she knew what she was doing that night aswell.
> 
> What do I do. She lied, hid it from me, slept with a guy, added him on Facebook and struggled to block him.


what you should do ??
1)respect yourself first 
2) ACTION - she must have consequences 
- 180 NC
3) file for divorce let her see the papers serve her 
- you dont have to go through with it but she must know how seerious you are and that you wont put up with the bs - ever
4) when she chose to sleep with the guy she killed whatever you two had she did it not you !!!

are you man enough to do the above is the question ?


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## truststone (8 mo ago)

Dazzadub said:


> He doesn't work with her. It was one of her colleagues mates that came to celebrate his bday. He is married and had condoms with him lol says it all what his intentions were
> ³


how you know he had condoms??

because you wife told you ??
you must expose everyone

if you are willing to loose your marriage you cant save it so this is the tine you have to man up !!


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## truststone (8 mo ago)

Dazzadub said:


> She swears this was the first time they met and was a drunken evening


and you believe the proven Liar ???


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

A lot will make any excuse to justify not making a decision. No one can help with that frame of mind.


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