# Attitude is Everything



## bubbly girl (Oct 11, 2011)

Just wanted to share something that I've learned. Ladies, we are hardest on ourselves when it comes to appearance and I've learned that a great attitude trumps a perfect body or face any day.

-Ladies, when your husband compliments you, please accept it. My husband told me a while back that my weight gain did not turn him off, but always putting myself down, and not believing him when he gave me a compliment was a HUGE turnoff. 

I had lost about 40 lbs. and I would still not be happy because I wanted to lose more. My husband would get so frustrated by this and told me I should be proud of my accomplishment.

I've never been obese, but I'm still a bit overweight (and medication that I'm on is making it harder to lose), but I feel very comfortable with my body. I've learned to accept my husband's compliments and believe that he really does find me sexy. Yes, as I've aged, my breasts droop more, but I believe my husband when he carries on about how much he loves them. Our favorite sexual position is me on top, where he can get a good view and admire my body and I, his. Sex is so much better when you allow your husband to admire and enjoy your body and are confident in letting him.

-A nice personality goes a long way. Who wants to spend thier time with someone who's a pill? I know I'm pretty, but I'm certainly not the prettiest. My body is not a 10. I totally believe what makes me most attractive is my smile. I've come to think of it as my signature. I can't tell you how many customers at work comment that I'm always smiling. Not a phony smile, but a true smile that comes from within. It's so natural I don't realize I'm doing it. I've even bumped into people that I haven't seen in about 15 years and was told that they recognized who I was as soon as I smiled. 

Just some observations I've made that have helped me in making my marriage better, and wanted to share.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

bubbly girl said:


> Just wanted to share something that I've learned. Ladies, we are hardest on ourselves when it comes to appearance and I've learned that a great attitude trumps a perfect body or face any day.
> 
> -Ladies, when your husband compliments you, please accept it. My husband told me a while back that my weight gain did not turn him off, but always putting myself down, and not believing him when he gave me a compliment was a HUGE turnoff.
> 
> ...


:iagree::iagree::iagree:

excellent post.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

bubbly girl said:


> I've even bumped into people that I haven't seen in about 15 years and was told that they recognized who I was as soon as I smiled.


aww I love this!

I have a girlfriend who lives overseas and I swear she has the BEST laugh in the world. You can hear her true joy for life when she laughs. It's not overbearing, there's no quirky snorts in her laugh, it's just a magic unto itself. I truly miss hearing it. She's physically beautiful (of course that's based on my perception and "beauty" is a relative term) but besides this, it really is her amazing joy for life, her warm laugh, and her amazing ability to make everyone feel included that is her true beauty. It's effortless on her part. It's just who she is.

I think we do need to celebrate who we are. And I think it's important to let others know too. She seemed extremely shy when I complimented how much her laugh touches me. I'm not sure if she was even aware of her ability to uplift those around her. Being our own harsh critics, I think we can sometimes be unaware of the positive impact we have on others. While I don't think we should seek approval by others, it's still nice to be acknowledged for who we are to another. Accept the compliments - even if perhaps you don't quite believe it yourself. Allow yourself to see yourself through another's eyes from time to time. It's good to read a positive post in here. Thanks bubbly girl.


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

bubbly girl said:


> Just wanted to share something that I've learned. Ladies, we are hardest on ourselves when it comes to appearance and I've learned that a great attitude trumps a perfect body or face any day.
> 
> -Ladies, when your husband compliments you, please accept it. My husband told me a while back that my weight gain did not turn him off, but always putting myself down, and not believing him when he gave me a compliment was a HUGE turnoff.
> 
> ...


:iagree:

Attitude IS everything.

And now I know that your user name very aptly fits you, so when I see it, I will always think of you smiling.


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## The_Swan (Nov 20, 2011)

My husband and I talked about this before. He would get upset when I would call myself ugly etc.
I am overweight and for a while I was insecure about my body. 
It took me time to work through those issues and I eventually gained confidence. 
Husband finds my confidence sexy and is happy that I don't constantly feel down about my body. The sex has gotten even better, too.


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## bubbly girl (Oct 11, 2011)

heartsbeating said:


> aww I love this!
> 
> I have a girlfriend who lives overseas and I swear she has the BEST laugh in the world. You can hear her true joy for life when she laughs. It's not overbearing, there's no quirky snorts in her laugh, it's just a magic unto itself. I truly miss hearing it. She's physically beautiful (of course that's based on my perception and "beauty" is a relative term) but besides this, it really is her amazing joy for life, her warm laugh, and her amazing ability to make everyone feel included that is her true beauty. It's effortless on her part. It's just who she is.


I waitress, and it makes me feel good when my customers tell me how pleasant I am and that I make them feel so comfortable. I think my personality is what makes me good at my job. Well, that and taking pride in what I do.



Enchantment said:


> :iagree:
> 
> Attitude IS everything.
> 
> And now I know that your user name very aptly fits you, so when I see it, I will always think of you smiling.


LOL. I probably am. 



The_Swan said:


> My husband and I talked about this before. He would get upset when I would call myself ugly etc.
> I am overweight and for a while I was insecure about my body.
> It took me time to work through those issues and I eventually gained confidence.
> Husband finds my confidence sexy and is happy that I don't constantly feel down about my body. The sex has gotten even better, too.


Yes, I believe confidence is sexy. Don't get me wrong, I do my best to look good for my husband. I do work out...it makes me feel good. Nothing excessive, but I try to take care of myself. I try and watch what I eat, put on a little makeup, make sure my hair's nice, etc... 

I'm glad to hear you're feeling better about yourself. I've discovered that once you are happy with yourself, everything else seems better.


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## The_Swan (Nov 20, 2011)

bubbly girl said:


> Yes, I believe confidence is sexy. Don't get me wrong, I do my best to look good for my husband. I do work out...it makes me feel good. Nothing excessive, but I try to take care of myself. I try and watch what I eat, put on a little makeup, make sure my hair's nice, etc...
> 
> I'm glad to hear you're feeling better about yourself. I've discovered that once you are happy with yourself, everything else seems better.


We were fighting about this one day and he put his hands on my shoulders and looked me in the eyes and said "It hurts me so much to hear you talk about yourself like that. You are so beautiful and I wish you'd know that."

I then started talking to my girlfriends about body issues. 
They all had them. Every single one. Even the "perfect" ones.
Somehow it didn't dawn on me just *how* insecure we all can be. 
I started reading body positive blogs and Tumblrs and books by female authors and have committed to immersing myself in body-positive and feminist culture for one year.

I recommend the updated edition of Our Bodies. Ourselves. This book (Forum filters out the name) and Full-Frontal Feminism. 

For the record, I'm nearly 31 years of age.
This has introduced a wonderful side to myself I didn't even know was there and my desire for discovery ultimately led me to this forum. 

It's funny how much insecurity can hold you back and I didn't realize just how much they ate away at me.
Everyone has noticed and my life has vastly improved. 
It also opens up good topics to discuss with teenagers who struggle mightily with confidence.

The coolest part is that my hubby listens to me and while he may not ask as many questions as I'd like, he does pay attention.
I have always enjoyed sex but we'd usually just get down to business since I usually didn't always feel sexy enough to relax and move through it with confidence. 
Now that I have learned to do that, we are having sex more often and it's lasting longer and we have become more adventurous. 
My husband learning about my body and me teaching him has established a deeper connection. 

Ladies, I also highly recommend that you toss out your tampons and get a Diva Cup

Alright, done rambling for now. Talking about body issues is so therapeutic.


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

Whoa, Swan. Every woman is different. Some women do not even like tampons, they like pads. 

I met some old friends from high school this summer. They admire how much I have filled out; I was a skinny teenager. The compliments are great. 

I am learning to be more comfortable with my curvy body. When I look at pictures of myself when I was 22 versus now, there is a striking difference. I look older, but I am beautiful and not just pretty. I LOVED the way my curves looked in my wedding dress; best thing about gaining weight is the big chest.


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## The_Swan (Nov 20, 2011)

FirstYearDown said:


> Whoa, Swan. Every woman is different. Some women do not even like tampons, they like pads.
> 
> I met some old friends from high school this summer. They admire how much I have filled out; I was a skinny teenager. The compliments are great.
> 
> I am learning to be more comfortable with my curvy body. When I look at pictures of myself when I was 22 versus now, there is a striking difference. I look older, but I am beautiful and not just pretty. I LOVED the way my curves looked in my wedding dress; best thing about gaining weight is the big chest.


There are reusable pads if that strikes your fancy! 

Very glad you found your confidence! :smthumbup:

Body Dysmorphia and eating disorders and pressure upon young women to look a certain way are very real problems in our society and it's up to us adults to help combat those issues within the younger generations.


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## Batman64 (Nov 25, 2011)

Confidence makes any woman sexy!


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

The_Swan said:


> There are reusable pads if that strikes your fancy!
> 
> Very glad you found your confidence! :smthumbup:
> 
> Body Dysmorphia and eating disorders and pressure upon young women to look a certain way are very real problems in our society and it's up to us adults to help combat those issues within the younger generations.


I've heard of the resuable pads, thanks a lot. 

I prefer the disposables; too lazy to handwash the resuable ones.:rofl:


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## couple (Nov 6, 2010)

As a man I can concur. I would say that attitude can sway attractiveness by about 2 or maybe 3 points on the 1-10 scale (in both man and women). Nothing to add about reusable pads, i'm afraid.


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## The_Swan (Nov 20, 2011)

FirstYearDown said:


> I've heard of the resuable pads, thanks a lot.
> 
> I prefer the disposables; too lazy to handwash the resuable ones.:rofl:


To each their own  
Personally, I love not having to buy pads\tampons every month.


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