# What do i do?



## Alexsky (Mar 21, 2010)

Hi, 
I don't know what to do.... 
My wife of 5 years is done. She says she does not love me anymore. 1 1/2 years ago, she gave us 1 more year. Nothing has changed for her. The reason i got more time? Renos were not done, and the house has not sold.

Well, I am finally moving out this week. I have not wanted to, as I have not wanted to leave my kids, but it is just getting to tense in the house, and I just dont' want the kids to suffer any more. It is not me....well I guess it is. It is both of us. I am tense and upset that she is ending it, and she is tense and upset that I am not leaving. We have 3 girls togethor. ages 2 and 5, and she has a 14 old daughter. 

This is what she wants custody to be. 
week 1. i see them wed night, and I get them from fri night till sunday night.
week 2 same
week 3 I get them tues night till wed night.....

Now, for me, i don't think that it is enough time for the kids to see me. I am their father. I never hit them. I don't drink. I am a good father. The reason why she wants it this way, is because she can't handle losing any more time with them. SHe went for this because i work 8:30 to 5:30 during the weeks that I have sat off, with putting in 1 evening shift till 8 per week. She is home all day with the kids running a home based daycare. Well, She says that she sis the one that is actually losing more time with them, as I am technically only losing a couple of hours of time I actually see of them. But i am losing my morning hours iwth them. I am missing my lunch breaks when i see them. And I am missing the night times with them. 

Now, to all of you who are going through stuff like this... is this what is best for the kids? As that is what I want...

To me, I think they need to see me more. 

Any advice would be great!

thanks!


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## RunningOnEmpty (Aug 29, 2010)

That would be unacceptable for me.

I would fight for 50/50. Go to dadsdivorce.com, and check the forums and follow "the list".

Also you should not move out of your kids house. It may affect your custody later. Don't move out until you have something signed.

Get a lawyer.

Also, time with the kids is counted by overnights. If you want to be part in raising your kids, try to get 50/50, or whatever works for you. Don't mean you'll get it. But you wont unless you fight for it.

Don't tell your wife you are going to go for more time. If you do, and you are unprepared, she will get a lawyer, maybe slap you with a fake domestic abuse charge,etc, etc. And you may be without seeing your kids for a year until you go to court. Educate yourself, and follow "the list".


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## Alexsky (Mar 21, 2010)

The ****ty thing is.... I still love my wife. It is she that does not love me. I still believe that we both need to be part of their lives. I want my kids as much as I can have them, but I also have to think about what is best for them. She wants to move an hour away, so 50 50 would not work with that plan. She wants to move so she can be closer to her family and friends, cause she has never made any out here. I still want to save the marriage... For the childrens sake. So I am scared if I do anything different, that I blow that. She says she wants to be friends, but if I try anything different, then there will be no friendship. We attended mediation, where she came up with this schedule. I had not agreed to it, but right before I went for a business trip for 5 days, she told me that if I didn't agree to it, when I got back my bags would be packed. What was I supposed to do? So I agreed. Mediation made up papers, and now it is going to lawyers. I have not signed anything though. Yet. But if I start a fight, how can I live in the same house? The hostility would be there, and I don't want my kids to see that. I have lived in the basement, sleeping on a Couch for the 8 months. To give her space. But we are selling the house, as one of her ideas was to flip the house, so we have a lot of bills now. So when the house sells, she wants to move away. Got side tracked there. I want to keep trusting her. She is my wife... Was. Anyways, I just didn't want her to hold the amnt of time I can see them over my head anymore. Maybe I would see more clearly. So I asked for a few more nights. Met with a resounding no. I was being selfish because she was losing more time than I was, as she is used to them being home all the time, where I am at work. And I am bring selfish for not seeing that. And that is why she can't see us being together cause I am being selfish. And I guess I have to told I should move by some of my friends and family cause of my mental state. As time has progressed, I am gotten sadder, and I actually breakdown and start crying. I have not been sleeping at night anymore. Getting anxiety attacks. I just find it so hard to be in a house where, everyone else gets warm hi's and I love yous, except me. The young ones of course do, but the stepdaughter and mother don't. Well stepdaughter does, but only when mom is not around. It hurts. I know I stopped saying I love you my wife. I still love her, I just don't tell her cause all it did was get me in trouble, as she would get upset, and then get really mad at me for something I did or didn't do. 
I love my wife. I love my kids. I want to make everyone happy.... But I just can't do it. It is either her happiness or my kids.... And If I take a chance for more time with my kids....I take a chance on losing them more, as she will not be friendly towards me anymore. I just don't know what to do!!!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Alexsky (Mar 21, 2010)

Thee ****ty thing is.... I still love my wife. It is she that does not love me. I still believe that we both need to be part of their lives. I want my kids as much as I can have them, but I also have to think about what is best for them. She wants to move an hour away, so 50 50 would not work with that plan. She wants to move so she can be closer to her family and friends, cause she has never made any out here. I still want to save the marriage... For the childrens sake. So I am scared if I do anything different, that I blow that. She says she wants to be friends, but if I try anything different, then there will be no friendship. We attended mediation, where she came up with this schedule. I had not agreed to it, but right before I went for a business trip for 5 days, she told me that if I didn't agree to it, when I got back my bags would be packed. What was I supposed to do? So I agreed. Mediation made up papers, and now it is going to lawyers. I have not signed anything though. Yet. But if I start a fight, how can I live in the same house? The hostility would be there, and I don't want my kids to see that. I have lived in the basement, sleeping on a Couch for the 8 months. To give her space. But we are selling the house, as one of her ideas was to flip the house, so we have a lot of bills now. So when the house sells, she wants to move away. Got side tracked there. I want to keep trusting her. She is my wife... Was. Anyways, I just didn't want her to hold the amnt of time I can see them over my head anymore. Maybe I would see more clearly. So I asked for a few more nights. Met with a resounding no. I was being selfish because she was losing more time than I was, as she is used to them being home all the time, where I am at work. And I am bring selfish for not seeing that. And that is why she can't see us being together cause I am being selfish. And I guess I have to told I should move by some of my friends and family cause of my mental state. As time has progressed, I am gotten sadder, and I actually breakdown and start crying. I have not been sleeping at night anymore. Getting anxiety attacks. I just find it so hard to be in a house where, everyone else gets warm hi's and I love yous, except me. The young ones of course do, but the stepdaughter and mother don't. Well stepdaughter does, but only when mom is not around. It hurts. I know I stopped saying I love you my wife. I still love her, I just don't tell her cause all it did was get me in trouble, as she would get upset, and then get really mad at me for something I did or didn't do. 
I love my wife. I love my kids. I want to make everyone happy.... But I just can't do it. It is either her happiness or my kids.... And If I take a chance for more time with my kids....I take a chance on losing them more, as she will not be friendly towards me anymore. I just don't know what to do!!!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## anx (Nov 30, 2010)

Is there any way she would agree to marriage counseling?

repost from someone else.
divorce busters - walkaway wife
YouTube - Prevent My Divorce: The Walkaway Wife Syndrome

http://themarriagecounselingblog.com/marriage-counseling/how-to-save-your-marriage/
and the youtube contained

Best of luck. There is always hope even if it doesn't seem like there is any. She has forced your hand the last few moves. 

If you can do anything to get her into MC, do it. Beg her, her parents, for the kids, for the vows, b/c it used to be good. Anything.


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## Alexsky (Mar 21, 2010)

Hi, 
I have tried to get her to go to counseling. She said she is done, and it won't help. SHe has fallen out of love with me. Things happened in our relationship that made her remember some bad things from her past that happened to her, and now I am associated with them. 
I have tried begging, pleading and all the others. she just can't move on.... and there is nothing i can do.
I watched the walkaway wife syndrome... sounds like my wife.. lol...
wish i could make her watch that...and see it.

how else can i make her see the mistake she is making, without possibly ruining things...(not that they are good right now)


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## anx (Nov 30, 2010)

Someone else may chime in, but I think the only option is to start moving on and separating. Hopefully she realizes what she is losing. Always keep MC open and say that you would rather do that. She might be too stressed and hurt now to think strait and staying is only going to increase that.

You need to get into MC any way possible.


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## Alexsky (Mar 21, 2010)

With my wife, I am ready to move on... I would still like to save what I can, but it is the kids that will be the issue. She will not agree to any less than I said before... so that means court. From when she first mentioned this, I have always told her that would not take the kids from her... that I wanted joint custody. That is what I have always said. All I want is a few more nights with my kids....waking up with them starts my day. I have been doing that for the last couple of years... it is what they are used to as well. 
If i fight, i lose any friendship with wife... which will then probably result in hurting my children in some way, as she may not let them see me on special days or go with any of my requests.. I would have moved out a long time ago, to give her space, but i just couldn't leave my kids.
I suggested she leave a long time ago... whoa nelly, that didn't go well.
So I have a place now. I have not moved in, but I am paying rent there. And paying for my mortgage at my house, and the bills. SHe makes about half what I do, so there is no way she could afford to. Plus we are so in debt because of the renos she wanted to do, and the fact that the home based daycare she ran now has no kids (cause of the for sale sign i think), so now we are going into the red very very fast, which does not help the situation.

I wish someone would just hand me a couple of hundred thousand dollers so that stress could be lifted, and maybe i could get her to focus on us. That would be great. Someone would give us the money, on the stipulatoin that she would attend couples therapy for 1 year, and stay in town. I could handle that....
so anyone want to help me with that?...........
worth a shot....
So how do I fight for my kids and save the friendship?


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