# Is it possible?



## oviid (Sep 27, 2013)

Once you discuss and decide to divorce or get a legal separation is is possible to still not go that far with it?

Here's my story.

When we married, almost 18 years ago, we did great for around three- four years. Then we started going to a church that was rather strict and taught that the man is the head of the household and that the woman should be submissive and even obedient. I got really involved in the church even more so than she. As a result I attempted to implement these things in my own home honestly thinking it was the right thing for my family, what a fool I was. My wife though didn't like the idea of being treated like a second class citizen and especially from her own husband and I don't blame her, to hell with that. Eventually , after a a few years, she just shut down. She'd had enough of it and that's when things got really bad. Everything changed and I could tell she wasn't feeling it anymore and would not take it. I'm glad she did that because it pulled me out of that nightmare.

At that time we talked and honestly I thought our marriage would end, that was around 6 years ago. We decided to try counseling to see if something could be done but really I was so indoctrinated that I could not imagine life outside of the kind of church we were in. The counseling helped us talk but it didn't really resolve those issues. As a result we carried on trying to work on us but not really having the tools to make it work. 

Forward a year or so and we were back at that point where it might end. This time her resolve seemed stronger still but once again we decided to try marriage counseling. This time it was better and we did talk about some real issues. By this time too I was no longer with the mindset I had adopted from my days in that church so I think that helped too. We both also decided to get personal counseling away form marriage counseling. For me that was amazing and really helped me. For her it wasn't great, she didn't click with her counselor, and certain issues that built up over time didn't resolve. 

Our marriage did improve for a short time until she decided to go back to school around 5 years ago. It put a huge strain on me for several reasons. First we have four young kids and I was working full time as well as trying to take care of them. It was a Mr. Mom type situation, I don't have a problem with that, but it was so stressful. I also felt the timing was off considering we were trying to save our marriage. Those old feelings of anger and resentment crept back in during this time. 

She finished school around a year ago but by then we had regressed to silence, resentment and just nothing in the way of love. Now here we are at that road again but this time there's no talk of counseling. We are moving ahead towards at least a legal separation if not divorce. I think she's just tired of it and doesn't have it in her anymore to try. I feel like that's unfair but I also understand there are so many years of struggle it's hard to imagine things would get better. Still I believe they could be better.


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## thompkevin (Jul 17, 2013)

Hey, I am sorry you find yourself in this situation. Unfortunately, I don't think you can really do anything at this point except just hope for the best. Perhaps, after being separated for a while, both of you will realize you want each other and get back together.


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