# It is like I have zero tolerance with my husband



## LemonLime (Mar 20, 2012)

I dont know if this has to do with having a baby under a year and the financial stress of it or what but since we had our baby last summer, I am finding I just cannot tolerate my husband. There are so many thing that tick me off about him. I even have to ask him to go to a different room sometimes because he annoys the heck outta me. It is the little things and the big things. We have gone to counseling for a couple of sessions but finding a sitter caused issues. It helped a little bit but I feel like maybe we need to get the spark back and things will get better.
I dont know, does this resonate with anyone? Or am I a freak?


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

FrEaK!!!

kidding only 

how long you been married?

if counseling helped a little with only a couple sessions, dont you think doing whatever you can to get a sitter and continuing would help even more?

i think i would find a way if you already know its helping.

good luck


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## LemonLime (Mar 20, 2012)

I would love to be able to. My husband works nights and we were told they ask you do not bring your child so going during the day is out because there is no one to watch our baby. 

Maybe I will try to get an appt during his week of holidays. 

We have been married just over a year.


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## anotherguy (Dec 14, 2011)

Examples... we want examples. 

I mean.. are we talking about the way he snaps his gum, or the way his goofy laugh is annoying... or how he picks his nose and then wipes it on the wall?

I supose my response to all 3 would be a little different - and we cant render righteous summary judgement and proclamations without some frame of reference... right?

...and yeah.. if counceling was working... I would find a way to deal with the sitter 'issues' one way or another. Certainly more likely to provide meanngful feedback to the both o you than us knuckleheads.


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## LemonLime (Mar 20, 2012)

the way he chews, the fact that he cant rip himself from his stupid ipad, he sits on the couch in boxers with his balls hanging out, he is socially nervous, he complains that he is tired all the time, (uh, yeah, with a new baby, I am tired too) he does not finish something once he starts it...I could go on and on


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

LemonLime said:


> he sits on the couch in boxers with his balls hanging out,


that dont turn you on?

 :scratchhead:


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

You are NOT a freak. I felt this way about an ex (we were together for 3 years and were planning a wedding!) and I had to leave him....but he was a hoarder (I saw that and freaked) and there were other issues.

However, there is something you're not happy with WITHIN yourself that you don't want to deal with, so you lash out and pick on your hubs.

What's goin in inside you?


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

2nd_t!me iz_best said:


> that dont turn you on?
> 
> :scratchhead:


I spit my water. (about balls hanging out) :lol:

I can see this being annoying if you're already disgusted by his behavior. I would just laugh if Hubs did this. x_X


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## LemonLime (Mar 20, 2012)

hahaha, seeing his hairy balls stuck to his leg is NOT a turn on.... lol

I constantly tell him I dont want to see it and with our baby around and as he grows up, I just dont think it is ok to sit around with your junk out.


that_girl said:


> You are NOT a freak. I felt this way about an ex (we were together for 3 years and were planning a wedding!) and I had to leave him....but he was a hoarder (I saw that and freaked) and there were other issues.
> 
> However, there is something you're not happy with WITHIN yourself that you don't want to deal with, so you lash out and pick on your hubs.
> 
> What's goin in inside you?


Oh and his mom handed down her hoarder tendancies to him...annoying the **** outta me! That is another thing, I want to get rid of his crap he never uses and he seriously pouts and runs to our bedroom, not kidding.

and I dont know, what are you suggesting it could be?


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

I don't know, I'm not you. But i'm dying with your description of hairy balls sticking to his leg :lol: Ew! hahaha

Are you just not happy with things right now? Wish you could be doing something else? Overwhelmed with new mommyhood?


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

LemonLime said:


> annoying the **** outta me!


is this h3ll?
[email protected]?
sh!t?

we need to know to get the full meaning of this annoyance you speak of


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## LovesHerMan (Jul 28, 2011)

Your contempt for your husband is scary. Love cannot exist in such a poisonous atmosphere.

Do you want to stay married to him? If so, you must get to the root of your disgust. You mention financial problems. Do you both work?

What attracted you to him initially? Can you build on these qualities? How much time do the two of you spend each week doing pleasurable things together?

If you want to save the marriage, counseling is a must. A babysitter is much cheaper than a divorce. You have to figure out where the marriage went wrong, and if you can re-kindle your love.


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## LemonLime (Mar 20, 2012)

2nd_t!me iz_best said:


> is this h3ll?
> [email protected]?
> sh!t?
> 
> we need to know to get the full meaning of this annoyance you speak of


F***:smthumbup:


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

LemonLime said:


> F***:smthumbup:


lol, ok, things make sense now.
with that answer, i would have to agree with lovesherman.


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## LemonLime (Mar 20, 2012)

lovesherman said:


> Your contempt for your husband is scary. Love cannot exist in such a poisonous atmosphere.
> 
> Do you want to stay married to him? If so, you must get to the root of your disgust. You mention financial problems. Do you both work?
> 
> ...


I do want to be with him, I get pangs during the day of missing him. I know I still love him. Financial issues, I just made a post in the financial are actually. We both work, just dont make enough to cover everything.

He made me laugh and feel good about myself. Now, I feel like garbage and have no confidence and he tries to make me feel better but it is impossible to believe him when I know it is not true. I would love to spend more time with him alone, with him working nights, we dont get many opps.

The part I bolded speaks a lot to me


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

i think it has to do with the baby blues and no time together.
find a way to MAKE more time together.

who says what he says is not true when he is trying to make you feel better?
i had that trouble with one of my exes.


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## LemonLime (Mar 20, 2012)

2nd_t!me iz_best said:


> i think it has to do with the baby blues and no time together.
> find a way to MAKE more time together.
> 
> who says what he says is not true when he is trying to make you feel better?
> i had that trouble with one of my exes.


Lets just say, my tits and up are great, the rest is bleh, especially after having the kid.


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

LemonLime said:


> Lets just say, my tits and up are great, the rest is bleh, especially after having the kid.


bullsh!t dont say that.
if he loves you then believe me, everything looks great to him all the time, and that should be all that matters.
there is a thread here somewhere that addresses this issue from many of the men here. drinking too much warm beer to remember which one off hand.

unless HE gives you reason to not believe him, then believe him.
take what he says and feel great about yourself and how you look.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

There you go. You don't like how you look and don't think you're good enough so you're looking for issues to pick at to sabotage your marriage.

Free Calorie Counter, Diet & Exercise Journal | MyFitnessPal.com

Just go and sign up and log your food. Honestly. Do it. It's not that difficult. Eat what you want, but stay in your calories.


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## LovesHerMan (Jul 28, 2011)

Have you discussed ways that you can reduce expenses? Brainstorm ideas with him.

Night shifts are tough. Any chance he can change shifts or get a new job? Until then, see if you can text during his dinner break; find ways to lovingly communicate with him at work.

Do not reject his attempts to make you feel better. You are both a team and must support each other. Concentrate on his good qualities.

I like that he used to make you laugh. A sense of humor is so important in facing life's problems.

Keep trying to find ways to connect with him. A good marriage has its ups and downs. You two can tackle this together.


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## LemonLime (Mar 20, 2012)

that_girl said:


> There you go. You don't like how you look and don't think you're good enough so you're looking for issues to pick at to sabotage your marriage.
> 
> Free Calorie Counter, Diet & Exercise Journal | MyFitnessPal.com
> 
> Just go and sign up and log your food. Honestly. Do it. It's not that difficult. Eat what you want, but stay in your calories.


I already do, burned 299 calories today already  Thanks


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Find me! I'm the same name


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## LemonLime (Mar 20, 2012)

Thanks for the advice so far!


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Do you guys ever go out like a couple?

Do you ever go out just to chill? Get a coffee...window shop...whatever? I do that sometimes. Alone. A couple hours of alone time can really help.


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## LemonLime (Mar 20, 2012)

We do when we can, when funds allow. It is nice that it is nice out now and we can go for a long walk outside.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Even just going to walk together, like you said, can help reconnect.

Or a drive (if you have a car). WITHOUT a kiddo. 

I'm big on time away from the kids. You were a couple before your bundle of joy and you need to keep nurturing your coupledom.


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## LemonLime (Mar 20, 2012)

There is one thing that REALLY bothers me that I have a hard time accepting. He has a hairy back. It makes for awkward showers, I cant even look when he turns around. We have done some hair removal with cutters and nair etc but ACK, it just keeps coming back lol

I know it has always been there and I knew when I committed to him. Im a ****.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

LOL That would bother me too.

Have you asked him to keep it clean? Get it waxed and you'll buy him ice cream? lol. 

I can see that being.....awkward and unattractive. I'm not attractive to hairy men. You married him though, so...have you talked to him about this? is he hygienic and trim other places?


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## LemonLime (Mar 20, 2012)

He knows about it yes, and yes, he keeps other places trim, except he is lazy about his beard but i dont care about it but he doesnt get kisses as much when its a week old.


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

that_girl said:


> I'm not attractive to hairy men.


only bald men are attracted to you?
i bet some hairy men think youre attractive.


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## savie1979 (Mar 3, 2012)

what a crack up ive been down lately and that made me laugh .. so much with the ball situation.. and that you dont want your child to see this .. its funny .. 

i know to u not at all but could be worse.

i get like that with my h he irratates me so much he thinks he knows everything especially when friends are around . we have little picks at each other cause of it. he shows off and is so stubborn

im not much help but just letting u know that this happens


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## endlessgrief (Feb 19, 2012)

I never had a baby so I cannot relate, but you may be just sleep deprived. Does he help you a lot with the baby or clean the house, cook dinner? Your whole life has changed and you are trying to get used to it. You went from being an individual to a mother overnight and being a mother is the hardest job there is. 

If you are doing all the work and he is on his ipad with hairy balls hanging out, you have every right to be aggravated. Oh, and my husband sits in his recliner in his boxers with his balls hanging out and sometimes the tip of his penis is sticking out of the slit in the boxers meant for peeing. So sexy! I tell him for the love of GOD, put that sh!t away! He says they need air. I said, DID THEY TELL YOU THAT?


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## Idun (Jul 30, 2011)

You never used to feel this way about him, did you?

If not, the answer plain and simple - you don't respect him right now, so you've stopped being respectful. 

It's pretty haughty to be angry at someone for the way they chew, and those other little things as you described. And asking a man, in his own house, to leave the room because these little things drive you nuts :scratchhead: is even worse. That is way out disrespectful.

And you want to get rid of HIS stuff? What right do you have to tell him what to do with his things? He's always had a hairy back and now you're still making him feel unattractive about it instead of accepting him as he is? Imagine, honestly try to imagine if you were in his shoes with all of this. The way you speak to him, the way you look at him. How would you feel if he was like that towards you?

However, good on you for recognising that you want things to change! :smthumbup:

Read The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands by Dr Laura Schlessinger (it saved my 9 year relationship, big time). 

I have 3 kids under the age of 4, I can relate. Having the responsiblity of the baby definitely contributes to making mountains out of molehills. But the anger you feel towards these little things is really a result of something else (I'm guessing you've lost respect for him, maybe there's pent up resentment there too because of how much your life has had to change to accomodate the baby). One thing all people need is self care. You make him take that baby when you need a long bath, to wash your hair or go for a walk in the fresh air by yourself, or read a magazine in peace. When you don't get the chance to look after yourself it equals major grouchiness and resentment.


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## LemonLime (Mar 20, 2012)

Probably very true idun.


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