# Mother in Law issue



## MeeBee_295

I didn't really know where else to put this than the family section, just need to kind of unload.
When I met my husband, his mother seemed pretty cool, I am from the UK, my husband and his family are from the Netherlands. I got along with her for about 4 weeks. But then we started clashing when I realised where all my husbands hard earned money was going. One his pay day he said he wanted to take me out for dinner, I got all excited when payday came and went, no dinner. I asked him if he forgot, turns out his mother needed his money to pay off her own debts for the month. I was shocked but I thought a one off is ok, but then I sat for about 3 hours talking to my husband about his mum taking all his money, it wasn't a one off. I obviously questioned why it his responsibility to pay his mums debts. The only answer I got was that if he said no, he would be homeless. He thought giving his mum all his money was normal, his mum had made him believe it was normal. I kind of felt I needed to intervene a little because he is such a hard working man and was getting no reward at all for it. It ended in a big argument that made me look like the bad guy, his mum said I was stabbing her in the back and that my husbands grandmother would be turning in her grave etc. This led to my husband giving up another months wages. I left the Netherlands after she threw me out for daring to spend a little bit of my husbands wages on something for him, I think it was some perfume or something. I moved to England, found out I was pregnant so I called my husband to tell him and he said he would move to England, I said it was his choice, it was a big thing to do. His mother then began the abuse, she told my daughter was not my husbands child and that she demaded a DNA test and that she would not allow her son to leave The Netherlands because he only needs one woman in his life...her. I ignored it and carried on preparing for the arrival of the baby. I then got a text message out of nowhere telling me I should stay in England alone and have an abortion. I went to my mother and fell apart, I could not understand why this woman hated me so much. Eventually my husband joined me in England and we moved into a nice home and when it came time to give birth, his mum showed up the day after, I was in agony, I was fully focused on getting straight in the shower when they got to the hospital and thats what I did. Next thing I know, his mum is sulking outside the hospital saying she feels left out because my parents had taken a step back because they could see the baby any day they wanted and his parents were only there for a day, but she didn't see it like that. I was furious, I was in alot of pain, dealing with doctors 20 questions and sign here here and here, but she felt left out...well I am ****ing sorry! But I ignored it, we decided we didn't need her in our lives and cut her off for about a year. She came back asking for forgiveness but she never stated what for. After about 2 years of living in the UK, we fancied moving back to The Netherlands, I liked the place. So we saved up enough and got Husb sorted with a job and we bought an appartment. His mother became her usual nasty self again, she asked why we felt we couldn't stay at their house until we were fully on our feet and that it was yet another knife in her back. She was calling me awful names to my brother in law. It then came to Husbs Grandmothers Birthday, or what would have been, and his mother messaged him saying his Grandmother would be turning in her grave for how we have treated her and that she was going to mail his work to get him to lose his job and that when we end up homeless she was going to fight to take our Daughter away. I felt because we had moved back to The Netherlands, she had the upper hand, I love the country but can't stay here, shes like a dark cloud looming over and I feel like when our Daughter starts school there is nothing stopping his mum just walking in and taking her out of school with a note for the dentist or something. She has always bad mouthed me to anybody she has come into contact with, mainly bar staff at the pubs near her house, she has full control over my brother in laws bank account now and even gets a text message when he gets paid and she transfers all his money almost instantly into her account. I have had murderous thoughts about this woman.
Has anybody else had any similar Mother in Law issues?
xx


----------



## 45188

Dude.. Not even close. My mom in law is nowhere near this big of a nightmare. She talks about me constantly though, but I nipped that with a scathing email. Now when she talks about me she makes sure it doesn't get back to me LOL!

But my best friends mom has almost the exact same situation. Except she ended up throwing the father out of her life. Best choice she ever made imo. 

Good luck on your husband ever having a happy life. Because when we become wives and mothers we are Alpha. Its time for the old Alpha to step aside.

I hope he realizes only scummy mothers take their sons sustenance and that she's a big reason he's 'not on his feet'. She is a sole cause of his future unhappiness. What a BAD mom.


----------



## MeeBee_295

Thank you 

I found out today that his brother has stolen an expensive pair of shoes that my husband loved, I cannot believe them, real scumbags -_-

xx


----------



## 45188

Its really his choice on whether he's going to man up or not. He must like having his life dictated by mommy dearest.


----------



## Moiraine

Has your husband defended you in these situations? 

This woman sounds toxic. In order for you guys to have a healthy marriage, it may be best to stay as far away from her as possible.


----------



## streamofsilence

This is woman is crazy, I am sorry you have to deal with her.


----------



## Chris Taylor

MeeBee_295 said:


> Has anybody else had any similar Mother in Law issues?
> xx


Carmela Soprano did 

Distance, and as much as possible, will help.


----------



## Fitchie

I am clueless about the laws there. Here, in the public schools we have to fill out information that indicates who can pick up the ckild from school or who MAY NOT. S tha tis something you may be able to address. 

As for the rest, what a nightmare! I would distance myself and my children as far from that toxic behavior as possible. The MIL and the BIL should be on your no list. Wow.


----------



## Thundarr

No one ever has mother-in-law problems. They can only have spouse problems. It is your husband who's too weak to stand up. I have no respect for a man or woman who can't take care of their family which for your husband's part includes putting his mother in her place which is outside of the marriage.

This is not complicated stuff.


----------



## beth0414

I know a mother like what you have..my inlaws-neighbor...their neighbor insists to all her daughter's children to stay with her so that she will get all the remittances from her daughter who are working abroad...so sad ..and her daughter are really complaining for having a mother like that..but they are not doing anything..still spoiling their mother wants..

as for me my mother in law is very kind outside..very religous..but what i dont want is that she dictated all his children in what they will do even if they are already married..my hubby is certified mamas boy for allowing his mother to manipulate him..like now..its their birthday..yes they have same birthdate..and all our 9yrs together we cant celebrate all by ourselves and most of the time all the expenses was shouldered by us, and we cant even invite our own guests coz my in-laws have so many guests that all our money are only limited for a certain guests andmostly it will turn out that we ommit to invite our own guests bec of limited budget..they invited a lot!...everytime their birthday is coming they are planning to have a double celebration even if my husband insists that its his solo celeb..

just like last week me and my husband prepared an advanced celeb for own guestsmbut still when my in-laws came they they invite thier friends to come over and announced that its thier joint celebration..whew!!! my effort to come up a solo celebration (which we make it in advanced) was unsuccessful bec..their invited guests(by my in-laws) knew that it is a double celebration which is not literrally coz..i bought 1 cake and i personalized his bday banner >> just for my husband! coz..we wanted to invite our own guests as a couple..

whew! am i normal reacting like this..?


----------



## Italian_Mami31

Been there and done that..... 

When my husband and I were married, he was in the Army he was stationed in Korea. and I was living in Texas. I had to do the same thing and step up and say something. His mother had a husband and two grown daughters who lived at home with her, one was a single mother and the other was a full time college student who worked part time AND PAY NO BILLS. Now how does that work LOL

My MIL would cry her eyes out how the cable and internet was going to be cut off, how they had to pay the bills by themselves well later down the road after DH ETS out of the Army we discovered FIL had a drug problem no wonder they had no ****ING money..... Hes blowing it on blow.... 

DH paid the internet and etc, BUT THAT WAS THE LAST TIME... `Well DH finally LEFT the Army and we thought maybe living with the IN LAWS thing be peaceful OH BOY that was wrong.. My father IN LAW was a free loader AKA con-artist.. DH was getting unemployment and money for school as well.... I work a fulltime job and FIL receive SSI.. We rented a house together so therefore FIL wanted 500.00 from DH and 500.00 from me AND FIL pay 400.00. He didnt think DH and I money were jointly but SIL didnt pay nothing because she is a single mother ooh boo the **** on.... And do I pitty her for nobody told her to get knock up by two drug dealers i dont pitty her at all. I play that whole single mother role and I work a full time job with benefits and went to college so that whole single mother act dont fool me for ****. She chooses not to collect child support for her son and **** thats her fault just to keep the father away so she is ok with that...... As I was saying someone needs to set your MIL straight or she will get worse before its too late... MY MIL FIL AND SIL are all crazy i dont even think crazy is the word.. THEY ARE MONEY HUNGRY *****ES AND TAKE ADVANTAGE OF PEOPLE...


----------



## SlowlyGettingWiser

You should Google "I Hate My In-Laws" - it's a website full of people venting on their in-laws! At least you won't feel alone AND you won't believe some of the things other people's in-laws do!

I don't know if it'll make you feel any better about YOUR in-laws, but it won't make you feel any worse either! My in-laws are dead; I still go to the site occasionally for a good laugh!


----------

