# So many issues. I am so hurt and unhappy :(



## so_confused89

I dont even know where to start. I am just not happy anymore. I could make a list of all the things that I am not happy with him about....

1. I feel as if Im a single parent. I know that he goes to work for 8 hours a day, but when he comes home, I just want a little while for myself. It would be nice for him to say "Hey honey, Ill take the baby, and you can relax for a little bit..." But no. Those words have never, and will never escape from his lips. Even trying to get him to change a wet diaper now and then is like I am torturing him.

2. His annoying addictions. Porn is the first, and i think I know why it disgusts me so. Even in the beginning of our relationship, he would have to put on porn to have sex with me. I was just so happy to be with him in the beginning that I didnt think much of it. He also has a stupid fettish with "choking" and yet again, being the idiotic door mat that I was went along with it and pretended that I liked it. Well sometime after I got pregnant I got ballsy and told him that I did not like it one bit. So he promised me that he wouldnt do it anymore. Well a few months later, I found porn on my computer. The one I let him use. Well I confronted him about it, angry of course, and he said he was sorry. I forgave him and he promised yet again. No porn. Then a few months later the same issue..same cycle over again. Well a few months later, the same thing happened again. so I told him, no computer. I locked him out of it for a whole week. and i got nothing but harrassment for it. He even tried lying to me and saying that i had said ok to it since he was going to do it anyways. I was like UM NO...I NEVER SAID THAT AND I KNOW I NEVER WOULD. Now since I feel so hurt about it, I havent felt like having sex with him at all. Once a week at most. I just dont feel attracted to him anymore after all the hurt he has put me through. Well on to more....

3. VIDEO GAMES. He has a stupid work schedule, where he will have to work noon till 9. So he will have to leave at 11, and get home at 10. Well instead of coming to bed with me and spending some time with me, he gets on the xbox 360 and plays fallout. He says that he needs some winding down time. Well where is my winding down time? where is the time spent with me? Or giving me time to do something...anything by myself? I cant drive because I have hypoglycemia, and have seizures. So im stuck in the house all day long. He doesnt seem to understand what this is doing to me. I am depressed, and he doesnt seem to realize this. I will try to get him to spend time with our child, and instead he sticks her in her highchair, and hops on the stupid xbox and ignores the baby. What great parenting. and when i try to call him on this he is always like what am i supposed to do? Its like he is a bump on a log...he has no emotions what so ever. he hardly ever talks to her only when shes crying, and he will never be able to console her. Its like he is choosing video games over us. 

4, When ever I ask him to remember something (Milk from the store) He will constantly forget, or not even listen to me at all. I will say where is (this or that) that i asked for? H:" You never said that! I would have remembered if you said that. Me: Yes I did, i told you i needed the (diapers, rashcream..ect) H:NO YOU DIDNT. YOUR CRAZY. Well he will do the same damn **** to me. he will say something like i asked you to get me a drink where is it? and i will say, i didnt hear you ask im sorry. H: Well i did. blah blah blah it usually ends up me being crazy.

I just dont know what to do. Im so lost and confused and not happy with him anymore. I know that I love him. But im not IN love with him anymore. I know that is so cliche..but i dont know any other way to explain it. Im just not happy with who he is anymore. 

Another thing. He is a great big man. 6 ft or taller, and he is the biggest wimp in the entire world. I didnt know this before we got married. and now that we are...it seems like he gets worse by the day. H:do you think your sister would shovel the drive way tomorrow? Me: No she has a ton of kids and no time. Why couldnt you shovel? H: I dont have a shovel. ME: (wanting to scream my head off) Why dont you just ASK to borrow the shovel? She lives right upstairs? 

Please ladies (and guys) I need some help!


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## ozymandias

so_confused89 said:


> 2. His annoying addictions. Porn is the first, and i think I know why it disgusts me so. Even in the beginning of our relationship, he would have to put on porn to have sex with me. I was just so happy to be with him in the beginning that I didnt think much of it. He also has a stupid fettish with "choking" and yet again, being the idiotic door mat that I was went along with it and pretended that I liked it. Well sometime after I got pregnant I got ballsy and told him that I did not like it one bit. So he promised me that he wouldnt do it anymore. Well a few months later, I found porn on my computer. The one I let him use. Well I confronted him about it, angry of course, and he said he was sorry. I forgave him and he promised yet again. No porn. Then a few months later the same issue..same cycle over again. Well a few months later, the same thing happened again. so I told him, no computer. I locked him out of it for a whole week. and i got nothing but harrassment for it. He even tried lying to me and saying that i had said ok to it since he was going to do it anyways. I was like UM NO...I NEVER SAID THAT AND I KNOW I NEVER WOULD. Now since I feel so hurt about it, I havent felt like having sex with him at all. Once a week at most. I just dont feel attracted to him anymore after all the hurt he has put me through. Well on to more....


So you communicated an accepting positive attitude about pornography and the sexual things he's into before you were married but now that you guys are married and have a child your attitudes are completely different?

You don't say?

Even worse, it sounds like you were faking that accepting positive attitude the entire time for the purpose of winning his affections - at least until you "got ballsy". And you wonder why things aren't going well and he's emotionally disconnected? You sold him a bill of goods and now he's trapped. You entered into the marriage contract in bad faith.


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## HappyHer

I feel for you, but I think the core issue is that he isn't showing love to you the way you need to see it. For example, if you felt he was being considerate and fair with you about the child/domestic chores, you would probably care less if he spent his own free time playing video games. Have you tried telling him something like "Honey, I know you're working very hard, how about if you have one hour to unwind after work, and then you give me an hour to have some "ME" time? I really need this to help feel my best for you and our child." If he asks you what you need it for, tell him. You might want to spend an hour taking a nap and getting a nice bath in, or you might just want to veg out in front of the t.v. without feeling like you have to get up to attend to a babies constant needs. But remain specific as that will generally work better with men. Try that and if he agrees to that, then be very positive about how happy you are with that, then approach the next situation, but not too soon as usually getting through one thing at a time is best.


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## baabaablacksheep

#1 - your husband isn't a mind reader. If you need a few minutes, tell him "I need a few minutes. Would you take the baby for twenty minutes while I take a bath, read a chapter or two of a book, paint your nails, fill in the blank." 

#2 - Set the parental controls on your computer so it blocks out X-rated web sites. I did that to my own computer (even though I don't look at porn) so if I open a bad link, my computer won't get a virus. Your computer, your rules. 

#2 a - Choking is SUPER dangerous. People die from erotic asphyxiation ALL THE TIME. You should have put your foot down about the porn from the get go so that you weren't sending mixed messages. Tell him that you don't like having porn on, would like to know what about porn he enjoys (is it feeling like a voyeur, learning new techniques, whatever) that you're interested in spicing up your sex life sans porn with him (if you are.) 

#3 - I'm in the same boat except it's Law & Order and Criminal Intent reruns rather than XBox. (I even made a post about it.) I saw an article called "Why Women Leave Men" on Marriage Builders.com (Why Women Leave Men) and it's exactly how I feel. I'm trying to get my husband to read it so we can patch up our marriage. Ask your husband to read it and discuss it with you as well.

#4 - Write him a shopping list - or text him what you need while he's at the store as a back up. A person can't remember everything but if you write it down, you have proof that you asked him to buy xyz, and he'll have something to refresh his memory if he truly does forget.

#4a - Sounds like he's lazy and wants somebody else to do his chores. Ask him (nicely) if he'd go ask for the shovel and shovel the driveway when he starts asking if you think somebody else will do it.


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