# 18th birthday, Mom tells me I am a bastard child



## theunwantedchild

I am the middle child of 3, A boy. My parents have been together since they were 21. They were 24 when they had my brother and when they were 27 they seperated for a few weeks. The pressures of being young parents and giving up their much loved social lives has gotten to them. My parents love to go out and have fun. They dance, drink, all that fun stuff.

During this time apart, My mother went to a party with her best friend and ended up having sex with her best friend's brother. She got back with my dad a week or so after this and never told him about hooking up with another man out of fear it would ruin their relationship. She got pregnant with me soon after and was unsure of who is my father.

Fast forward to my 18th birthday. Over the years my mother hasnt been much of a mother. She neglected me all the time but acted like she was a perfect mother when my dad was around. She would always take her anger out at me instead of my siblings, I have a younger sister who was born when I was 5. She treated me like trash all my life, I cant even remember the last time she told me she loved me. Thankfully I have an amazing dad. He has been my best friend, My go-to guy for every problem I have ever had. He means the world to me. So hearing what I am about to type next makes it all the more difficult.

It was around 11 PM the night of my birthday when my mom came in drunk. She happily went on to tell me all about her one night stand with the other man and how my father ,the man who means the world to me, isnt my real father. She told me the guy's name and to my suprise it was a man who I have met a few times before. My mom is still best friends with the man's sister, She has been my aunt in all but blood my entire life. It was a great shock to me.

After spending a few weeks in deep depression, I finally decide to check out this guy on facebook and learn more about him. I see that he is married with 4 children. I look closely at him and his children's features and realize I look like nothing like him. This isnt a good thing though considering I look nothing like my father. All my looks ,hair and eye color as well as facial features, come from my mom.


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## EleGirl

It sounds to me like you mother is not 100% such who your father is.. but was in the mood to hurt you when she told this to you.

Have you considered having a DNA test done to find out if your father is also your biological father?

Also, does you father now know this bit of dastardly news?


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## accept

Next time someone does adultery they should realise what this does for their kids.


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## Trickster

My mother treated me like *hit also, compared to my siblings. I wasn't too sad when she passes away from cirrosis of the liver when I was 13. My Dad was married to my Grandmother before he married my Mom. I think he got her pregnant and divorced my Grandmother to marry my Mom. It was all fuzzywith the timing...

I always felt unwanted, especially after my parents divorced and my Dad left all of us kids with a drunk mother. He was my protector and he walked out on us. 

Your Dad is still your Dad and some crazy blood test shouldn't change that. You are wanted and I am sure your dad or the man you believed to be Dad wants and loves you. 

I can almost bet that he always knew that there is the chance that you may not be his. He just probably didn't want to know. He loves you still the same and he always will.

I am 44 years old now and I still have issues. Two brothers who have also died and a real nutty sister who still lives 35 years in the past. I think that I am sane, somehow, I have been with the same woman for 2o years. 

Please don't allow this news from a crazy selfish mom bring you down. She is the one who should feel like trash... Not you.

Sorry for the rant... It just struck a chord with me.


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## Hicks

Your father is the man who claims that role in your life... Not the person who had sex with the person who gave birth to you. It's a tough story but accept the man who raised you as your real father, as he truly is.


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## theunwantedchild

Sorry, I was able to finish my post because my internet was acting up so I will finish it now.

I have contacted the other man on facebook a few days later and I told him about the situation I am in and how there is a possibility that he is my dad. He was suprised to say the least but really happy. Told me that if he was my dad that he wanted me to live with him so he could get to know me better and "catch up" for the lost years between us. He also really wants to be my dad because all of his children are girls, He always wanted a son. So out of all this mess, I am really lucky to have a man like this as a potential father. He seems like a great guy.

Anyways, I had to break the tough news to my dad that there was a chance I wasnt his son. We both cried hard about this. I really want him to be my dad because he means everything to me and I know I mean a lot to him as well. My mom and him got into a huge argument, My siblings got into it and they lashed out at my mom for doing this to their family. She did the typical crying, begging for forgiveness thing but my family didnt want to hear that. She is now staying at her best friend's house for the time being while my family decide what to do next. My dad and siblings told me no matter what they love me and will always be there for me. *Violins start playing in the background lol*. It was just a nice moment, I could literally feel the love in the air.

My dad, the other man, and I had a DNA test done the other day and we wont have the results for a while. We went to 2 different places in order to make sure the results are accurate, I know they generally are but we wanna be 110% sure. The other man and I chatted in private a little bit, He told his wife about the possibility of me being his son and she was very accepting suprisingly and couldnt wait to meet me, that is if I am his son.

However the day ended on a sour note. My dad went to visit my mom and told her flat out that if I wasnt his son then they were getting a divorce. My mom begged him not to but he was firm about this. To be honest, I am not sure why my mom doesnt wanna get divorce. Its either because she truely loves our family ,which I am not 100% sure of, or she knows that if they do get divorced then EVERYONE will know what she has done and I am sure she would lose a ton of friends because of it because her friends are good people who dont stand for that sort of thing. Now its just the waiting game for the DNA, I hate this.


Adultery definently ruins a kid's life. To found out my dad may not be my dad all but crushed me. I hate my mom for doing this to me. Also, I know that blood doesnt mean everything but I am in a situation where I have an amazing man who raised and another great man who is ready to step up if he is my father. I feel sorry for both of them because they both will get hurt from these DNA results. The most upsetting thing is that my mom hasnt even bothered to talk to me about any of this. No "Im sorry" or anything. Its like she doesnt even care. IDK what is her problem but I honestly want to know what it is. All i know is that I wish her the same pain that she caused our family.


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## Almostrecovered

For an 18 year old you are certainly rather mature for your age considering how you have handled this so far


I would recommend that you see sort of therapist- the issues you experienced throughout childhood and now will have a deeper impact on you than you will ever realize. 

I wish you the best


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## F-102

For what it's worth;

Any male with a pair between his legs can become a father...

...but it takes a REAL MAN to earn the right to be called "Dad".


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## Blanca

I'm sorry for what you're going through. But I have to say your writing is unusually good for an 18 year old.


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## LadyFrog

I think you ought to change your username. What your mom did is despicable, and the way you found out is despicable, but from the sounds of it you have, with the exception of your mom, a very loving, accepting family, and possibly two, now.
My H found out on his birthday exactly the same way, except he was a few years younger, and a family member blurted it out during a fight with his mom.
Whatever the test results show, the man who raised you is still your dad. If this other man turns out to be your bio, you can build a relationship with him, if that's what you both want, without sacrificing the family you have and know.
The hard part is going to be how you now feel about, and how you want to handle your mother.


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## Emly

Really.. Its looks like your Mom is not as Sincere as your Father and Now for your satisfaction and for the right answer you should take a DNA test.. I hope it will be clearer from it !


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## GTdad

You have a dad, OP, and he sounds like a good man. It's a mother you don't have. I'm sorry.


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## workitout

:iagree:

Your Dad may not be your biological father, but he's been there for you all your life and he will continue to do the same.

With my wife and myself splitting, I sometimes catch myself wondering if my daughter is actually mine. I love her far too much for it to matter at this point. As far as I'm concerned, she is mine.

Its been said earlier in the thread, but counseling would be a good thing to give a shot. You may get nothing out of it, or you may end up feeling better than you knew you could.


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## EleGirl

theunwantedchild,

You need to realize that what this other guy did is as dispicable as what your mother did. He was the other man in an affair your mother had.

This man injured your father... the man who raised you and who is legally your father.

Yes your mother went further in not telling your dad that she go pregnant from an affair.

But the other man is far from innocent in all of this. 

I wonder how your father feels about you now rushing off to embrase the man who had an affair with his wife.


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