# Sex experimentation...



## eyuop (Apr 7, 2013)

I would love some advice.

A little background. I'm a 40-ish High Drive, tall, physically fit guy who is a frustrated Beta. I've been Mr. Nice guy for way too long. I can go Alpha for a bit (I used to be a free-hand rock climber, dirt bike rider, loved adventure and still do), but I still have this Beta core that plagues me; keeps me loyal, makes me a good dishwasher and breakfast maker, and sometimes makes me passive. I've been working out more and gaining some of my lean muscle mass back. I've stepped up my dress code and I've already started to get more female attention (in a good way). Like the other day I was in a store and I saw a woman who I used to have a crush on 20 years ago. I confidently approached her and we just started to talk, laugh and have fun. Lots of good connection and eye contact. Then she did something I never expected. She reached out and grabbed the back of my arm momentarily after one of my jokes. It was the first time she has ever touched me, and I was flattered. Okay, so I was just harmlessly flirting -- I'll admit it. 

I did an experiment last night. My wife came to bed and I decided to be more Alpha. Usually I just lay in bed and watch her undress. She goes through a long routine, get all of her ducks in a row, pick out an outfit, etc. This time I decided to attack her. I started undressing her and she seemed a bit surprised. After I undressed her she tried to put a top on that she already picked out and I quickly stripped her (she actually resisted at this point, still wanting to get herself dressed) and pushed her (not too hard) onto the bed. I was a bit rough. I dominated the event, and even told her to MB while I was PIV (something she has never done in front of me). She enjoyed this, and it wasn't long until we both climaxed pretty hard. 

Afterwords she seemed a bit perplexed. She even expressed to me that she wasn't really into being treated rough like that. At no point did I hurt her, but I did hold her neck at one point and slightly pulled on her hair. I gave her a couple of decent swats on the rear, too. 

I did all of this to see what would happen -- if she would enjoy it. I had a lot of fun, but it seems she still prefers me being more gentle.

We are both the oldest siblings in our respective families. We both are often stubborn and will want our way. I generally (in the past more) have let her have things her way. But I'm through with that. I'm being more assertive and not giving in. In essence, I'm becoming more self-confident and putting my foot down at times. She gets frustrated with this, but then later tells me she likes it when I make decisions and stick with things like that. She respects me more when I stand up to her.

I'm getting bored of just ginger sex. I want to be able to spice things up sometimes and make her my sex slave . Any suggestions?


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## Blue Firefly (Mar 6, 2013)

Listen to how people act, not to what they say.

She reacted positively. She may not be comfortable admitting that she enjoys rough play or being submissive.

I suggest you go with the 1% rule. Each time try pushing things just 1% further in the direction you want things to go. Not a lot, just 1%. Eventually you'll hit her limit, and you'll know because she'll react negatively.


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## LoriC (Feb 18, 2013)

eyuop said:


> I would love some advice.
> 
> A little background. I'm a 40-ish High Drive, tall, physically fit guy who is a frustrated Beta. I've been Mr. Nice guy for way too long. I can go Alpha for a bit (I used to be a free-hand rock climber, dirt bike rider, loved adventure and still do), but I still have this Beta core that plagues me; keeps me loyal, makes me a good dishwasher and breakfast maker, and sometimes makes me passive. I've been working out more and gaining some of my lean muscle mass back. I've stepped up my dress code and I've already started to get more female attention (in a good way). Like the other day I was in a store and I saw a woman who I used to have a crush on 20 years ago. I confidently approached her and we just started to talk, laugh and have fun. Lots of good connection and eye contact. Then she did something I never expected. She reached out and grabbed the back of my arm momentarily after one of my jokes. It was the first time she has ever touched me, and I was flattered. Okay, so I was just harmlessly flirting -- I'll admit it.
> 
> ...


Yes I have a question, would you mind talking to my husband about this? God I would Love for him to do this to me. I have always been the aggressor in this marriage. He is very passive laid-back very nice guy. He's completely Beta. I have no problem with that however I would love for him to be more Alpha in the bedroom!


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## Blue Firefly (Mar 6, 2013)

eyuop said:


> I'm being more assertive and not giving in. In essence, I'm becoming more self-confident and putting my foot down at times. She gets frustrated with this, but then later tells me she likes it when I make decisions and stick with things like that. *She respects me more when I stand up to her.*


Sex aside, this is a huge positive for your marriage.


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## ClimbingTheWalls (Feb 16, 2013)

Blue Firefly said:


> Listen to how people act, not to what they say.
> 
> She reacted positively. She may not be comfortable admitting that she enjoys rough play or being submissive.
> 
> I suggest you go with the 1% rule. Each time try pushing things just 1% further in the direction you want things to go. Not a lot, just 1%. Eventually you'll hit her limit, and you'll know because she'll react negatively.


I agree with this. If her physical reactions were all positive then she may just not feel comfortable admitting that she might actually like rough sex, or dirty talk or whatever. 

I also agree with the 1% rule BUT not immediately. Since she has said she is not into being treated rough she may find it psychologically difficult to deal with and if you push it further too quickly it could backfire. She could simply make up her mind that she does not like it and forbid you to treat her like that. So, whilst I would not suggest going back to total gentle and vanilla next time you have sex, my advice would be to tone it down a little. Perhaps keep the spanks and a bit of gentle hair pulling but not the neck hold, which can be alarming.


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## KimatraAKM (May 1, 2013)

Definitely try new things and step outta both your comfort zones. If you both hate it never do that particular thing again.. But how will you build and share new fantasies and fetishes of you dont explore.

Definitely watch her and discuss it afterwards to make sure she's not too at outta her comfort Zone though. 

Congrats on improving you and trying new things!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## eves (May 21, 2013)

Interestingly enough I am definitely an alpha at work but am far from in control at home. Its definitely hard for me to assume the alpha role (at home). However, when I do I have definitely enjoyed the results. 

If you pull off turning yourself into an alpha in the bedroom then my hat is off to you.


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## LVF (May 5, 2013)

She came pretty hard that time but prefers to be treat more softly? Yeah right... 

Maybe she's just waiting for you to insist on that. Don't let her think you are performing a role. Instead, make it clear it's part of you character. 
It doesn't mean you have to stop washing dishes or making breakfast, though. You can be both! I think that's a perfect combination. Gentleman and very manly!


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## toxxik (May 20, 2013)

I so wish my hubby would try this every once In a while. He is the classic nice guy and truthfully sometimes I wish he wasn't quite as nice. I tend to be a slight control freak IRL but behind closed doors I would really love to not have to be in control. I say keep pushing the boundaries.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## eyuop (Apr 7, 2013)

toxxik said:


> I so wish my hubby would try this every once In a while. He is the classic nice guy and truthfully sometimes I wish he wasn't quite as nice. I tend to be a slight control freak IRL but behind closed doors I would really love to not have to be in control. I say keep pushing the boundaries.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I have a suggestion about this. He's probably used to you controlling most situations. Dress really sexy and hand him a couple pieces of soft rope and tell him, "take me, I'm all yours". Watch and see what he does. You will have to make sure you don't step in and control what he does, though (the hard part for you).

Disclaimer: I have no idea if this will work... just saying that sometimes guys just need a very big hint .


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## eyuop (Apr 7, 2013)

eves said:


> Interestingly enough I am definitely an alpha at work but am far from in control at home. Its definitely hard for me to assume the alpha role (at home). However, when I do I have definitely enjoyed the results.
> 
> If you pull off turning yourself into an alpha in the bedroom then my hat is off to you.


Don't be afraid of her... go get her! Grrrrr!


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Mr H is a bad, bad man at times and wow do I love it. The key is feeling safe with your partner and being respected by them. Personally I love it when he takes charge like this it is a major turn on.
We switch it up,sometimes i am in control, or we are slow and gentle with each other.

Even so i still feign being a good girl, I like him to chase me and he enjoys the chase. So i tend to agree with the pp's that said look at your wifes actions, that is where you will find the reality of how she feels about your style. Switch it up, change your style and most importantly communicate. Enjoy life


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## eyuop (Apr 7, 2013)

Holland said:


> Mr H is a bad, bad man at times and wow do I love it. The key is feeling safe with your partner and being respected by them. Personally I love it when he takes charge like this it is a major turn on.
> We switch it up,sometimes i am in control, or we are slow and gentle with each other.
> 
> Even so i still feign being a good girl, I like him to chase me and he enjoys the chase. So i tend to agree with the pp's that said look at your wifes actions, that is where you will find the reality of how she feels about your style. Switch it up, change your style and most importantly communicate. Enjoy life


Sounds like you two make a great couple! Thanks for the encouraging words, and I'll continue to work on the communication thing, too. I think I freaked her out a little, that's all. :rofl:


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

eyuop said:


> I think I freaked her out a little, that's all. :rofl:


I'm sure you did, but in a very very bad, I mean GOOD way! 

I believe a LOT and maybe MOST women want a passionate lover, a man so consumed in his lust FOR HER, that he struggles with reigning in his inner caveman but sometimes "Thor" just rises to the surface and won't take no for an answer.

But we're not supposed to admit it, ever, to anyone! It's a shame she couldn't come right out and say "that was awesome" because I am certain that was exactly what she was thinking!

BTW, what you described... Yes please!


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## IsGirl3 (Nov 13, 2012)

yeah, i'll take some of what you're dishing out, too mr. eyoup.


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## RClawson (Sep 19, 2011)

Congrats Eyoup! I am beginning to get the impression that after a couple of decades of mundane routine that most wives are really up for more than a bit of mild spice. 

A few months back while searching for clues about what was up with my wife I discovered she was into some kink. I was kind of taken back at everything she was reading and looking at. I realized I was way off my game and began to incorporate some of her kink into our routine. To say the results have been positive would be an understatement. 

I had to chuckle to myself this weekend when we were on a little getaway and during the throws of passion she scolded me a bit for the mild spanking I was giving her. My response "don't even try to tell my you do not love this". I then upped the ante a bit and let's just say she did not protest during or after. Quite the opposite actually and then more of the same when we got home that night.

Oh and I should mention she does not look at that stuff on her computer any longer.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

RClawson said:


> Congrats Eyoup! I am beginning to get the impression that after a couple of decades of mundane routine that most wives are really up for more than a bit of mild spice.
> 
> A few months back while searching for clues about what was up with my wife I discovered she was into some kink. I was kind of taken back at everything she was reading and looking at. I realized I was way off my game and began to incorporate some of her kink into our routine. To say the results have been positive would be an understatement.
> 
> ...




You guys are such great husbands!!! :::more dreamy sighs::::


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