# Am I stupid



## Tonytrying

Almost ten years ago I found out that my wife was involved with several men over the internet. She was sending them money, sexting with them and running up our cell phone bill. Actually that is actually how I found out because the cell phone bill was outrageous. I tried to go to counseling but she won't go. I have been going myself for the past 6 years. She continues to have password protected mobile devices. I know she is still communicating with the men. I don't think it is as many as it was when I first found out. She has probably gotten better at hiding it. She has had other cell phones, learned how to use conference call lines to hide it. The more I write the stupider I feel. Somebody tell me this will end


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## bobert

Tonytrying said:


> Somebody tell me this will end


This will end, when you file for divorce and end the marriage. If you refuse to put your foot down, then no, it will never end.


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## bobert

I would suggest a new therapist. You have been in therapy for 6 _years_ and you're still choosing to be a doormat? That therapist either sucks or you are just showing up and emptying your wallet, not doing the work required.


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## anchorwatch

Things will only change when you do! When you stand up for yourself...

You are responsible for your own fate. She can do as she wishes. It doesn't mean you have to live with it. 

Don't let your happiness depend on someone who doesn't respect you.

You deserve better, we all deserve better.


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## No Longer Lonely Husband

Please consider reading Larry Winget’s “Grow a Pair”. I say this not in jest but in all seriousness. You are being a ****ing doormat. Get a new therapist for sure. You have a dud.

She is anything but a faithful wife. You need to cut her loose, and set her adrift. I sense self esteem issues, too. You deserve better. Trust me there are fine women out there, your wife is not one of them.

Work on building up your self worth. You are fearful, it fear not. Find someone in the therapy area that is GOOD. Do you exercise? If not start. Become a lean mean dating machine.


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## Diana7

Tonytrying said:


> Almost ten years ago I found out that my wife was involved with several men over the internet. She was sending them money, sexting with them and running up our cell phone bill. Actually that is actually how I found out because the cell phone bill was outrageous. I tried to go to counseling but she won't go. I have been going myself for the past 6 years. She continues to have password protected mobile devices. I know she is still communicating with the men. I don't think it is as many as it was when I first found out. She has probably gotten better at hiding it. She has had other cell phones, learned how to use conference call lines to hide it. The more I write the stupider I feel. Somebody tell me this will end


So being that she has no intention of being faithful why are you still with her? It will end when you understand that this is appaling behaviour and end it yourself.


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## NextTimeAround

bobert said:


> I would suggest a new therapist. You have been in therapy for 6 _years_ and you're still choosing to be a doormat? That therapist either sucks or you are just showing up and emptying your wallet, not doing the work required.


This is why I don't trust therapists. 

@Tonytrying, what exactly do you and your therapist discuss when he/she is on your clock?


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## Mr.Married

Stupid doesn’t even begin to describe it.


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## jlg07

Dude your wife is STILL cheating with other men? WHY in GOD's NAME are you still there?

This will end when YOU decide to get your self respect back and boot her out. Why do you put up with such disrespect to you and your marriage?

If you have been doing counseling for SIX years and still allow yourself to stay with your cheating wife, your counseling isn't doing anything for you. You need to put yourself first and her LAST. Please get to a lawyer and start making plans.

You have wasted 10 years of your life over her --- you could have been with a loving supportive spouse by now if you had booted her to the curb when you found out that she was continuing her cheating.
Do yourself a favor -- see a lawyer tomorrow!


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## Openminded

Why would you think it would end?


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## Mr The Other

Tonytrying said:


> Almost ten years ago I found out that my wife was involved with several men over the internet. She was sending them money, sexting with them and running up our cell phone bill. Actually that is actually how I found out because the cell phone bill was outrageous. I tried to go to counseling but she won't go. I have been going myself for the past 6 years. She continues to have password protected mobile devices. I know she is still communicating with the men. I don't think it is as many as it was when I first found out. She has probably gotten better at hiding it. She has had other cell phones, learned how to use conference call lines to hide it. The more I write the stupider I feel. Somebody tell me this will end


I suspect you are just scared. The more worthless you are made to feel, the more scared you will get.
Just leave. You are not in a marriage anymore, so stop pretending. Reality can be scary, but it is better.


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## Blondilocks

A divorce lawyer will be cheaper than a therapist in the long run. Six years, really? And, the therapist hasn't been able to convince you that the crap sandwich is really a tasty Philly cheesesteak?


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## C.C. says ...

Well, you haven’t stopped her in 10 years, why now? 10 years is a long time to deal with something that makes you feel stupid. Therefore, apparently... it must not bother you _too_ much.

Hey, lemme ask you something TonyTrying. How’s the sex with her? You think she’s getting her inspiration elsewhere and you’re the ‘lucky’ recipient of that? Or do you think she does this because the sex with you is less than satisfactory? What if she quit it cold turkey and lost her fire, yet she was suddenly Mrs. Dead Lay Loyal Wife of The Year? Would that be better? You must be getting some kind of payoff from this. 🤔

You could tell her to stop or you’re out. You can tell her that, you know. Is it that you feel like her talking to a bunch of randoms isn’t really cheating? No other man’s really touched her, right? (Just playing devils advocate here) People have their own definitions of cheating. It’s all in what you choose to accept as ok, right?

10 years you let it happen for some kind of reason. Why?


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## NextTimeAround

Blondilocks said:


> A divorce lawyer will be cheaper than a therapist in the long run. Six years, really? And, the therapist hasn't been able to convince you that the crap sandwich is really a tasty Philly cheesesteak?


I think some therapists still preach that both members of a marriage contributed to the one having an affair. That is, he is just as guilty as she is. Sometimes I read chump lady and a guy who identified himself as a therapist did that there's blame on both sides routine. As soon as his spouse started cheating, he admitted that he changed his tune very quickly for himself and his patients.


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## Divinely Favored

Tonytrying said:


> Almost ten years ago I found out that my wife was involved with several men over the internet. She was sending them money, sexting with them and running up our cell phone bill. Actually that is actually how I found out because the cell phone bill was outrageous. I tried to go to counseling but she won't go. I have been going myself for the past 6 years. She continues to have password protected mobile devices. I know she is still communicating with the men. I don't think it is as many as it was when I first found out. She has probably gotten better at hiding it. She has had other cell phones, learned how to use conference call lines to hide it. The more I write the stupider I feel. Somebody tell me this will end


Ir will never end until you end it. Divorce. She will continue even after that, but you will not be party to her continued cheating on you.


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## Mr The Other

NextTimeAround said:


> I think some therapists still preach that both members of a marriage contributed to the one having an affair. That is, he is just as guilty as she is. Sometimes I read chump lady and a guy who identified himself as a therapist did that there's blame on both sides routine. As soon as his spouse started cheating, he admitted that he changed his tune very quickly for himself and his patients.


I think it varies with nation and culture.
In the UK, a problem in the marriage is the man's responsibility. in Denmark, it is very much seen as both parties having an equal responsibility.


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## Evinrude58

Why are you staying?
Why can’t you break it off with her?

if it’s fear of being alone, or fear of being unable to pay all your bills, why not do as she is doing, and search for her replacement?

one thing is certain, when your cheating wife finds some idiot that wants her full time, you’re gonna be history to her.
So far, she hasn’t found a man stupid enough to want a cheater as his long term partner. Who would? Apparently you.

Only you are in charge of YOUR life. So take charge and meh it bettter. Your wife is NOT going to change, She’s incapable.


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