# Why Do Cheaters Seem to Want to Keep Their Texts from the Person They Cheat With?



## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Why is it that cheaters seem to want to hold on to all of the texts, emails, and other communications to and from the person whom they're cheating with?

Don't they ever give credence to the fact that their jilted spouse can possibly uncover their illicit activity if they ever successfully are able to tap into those?

Your thoughts?*


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## Malaise (Aug 8, 2012)

IMHO many do it because they think they are smarter, more clever than their spouses.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

arbitrator said:


> *Why is it that cheaters seem to want to hold on to all of the texts, emails, and other communications to and from the person whom they're cheating with?
> 
> Don't they ever give credence to the fact that their jilted spouse can possibly uncover their illicit activity if they ever successfully are able to tap into those?
> 
> Your thoughts?*


Mementoes. 

My wife literally wrote them all down in a special book before she deleted them. 

She ended up showing me the book, throwing it at me, claiming she wrote them down for me. Which made zero sense. 

She later ripped them up (I had pictures in my phone, so it didn’t matter) and admitted that their ‘friendship’ was so special that she wanted to keep some part of it, knowing as soon as I found out about it, it would be over. 

I know of guys that kept their affair partners underwear. Or sexy photos on their phone. Or notes in their briefcase. It’s mementoes. 

Plus, I’m convinced affairs make you stupid.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Mementos. Keeps those feel-good brain chemicals flowing. Need a little endorphin rush in the middle of the day? Just read the text from your affair partner telling you how he wishes his face was the seat of the chair you're sitting on.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Marduk said:


> Mementoes.
> 
> My wife literally wrote them all down in a special book before she deleted them.
> 
> ...


* @Marduk my friend, I cannot help but think that your cheating XW did this to you as strictly a conniving mechanism just to rip your heart out and then to show it to you while it was still beating! 

What a heartless beatch!*


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Just likeon forensic files, the investigator will note something in the criminal's possession that belongs to the victim, quite often something that has no intrinsic vaalue as a trophy.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*But if there's a very real chance that they'll risk being caught with the goods, thus exposing the affair, wouldn't it be far better for them to discard/delete the evidence rather than to be found red-handed with it?

That would be an extremely expensive "trophy!"

Or do they just not give a damn? *


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## Dragan Jovanovic (Jan 16, 2019)

I see it like this,most people who cheat are plane bad people. They siply dont care enough for marriage and their spouse. If they cared,they wouldnt be cheating in the first place. So,they keep mails and messages vecouse they want to read them again and enjoy the feeling. And when they get cougt,the ones with the good spouse and good life start to act like they suddenly love their spouse and they care about them becouse they want to keep their previous life intact. Trully,they only love their lifestyle and status. Not their spouse,not realy. After they get cought,99 percent is all acting. There is no fog,bo nothing. But,cheating cpouse cant tell you " Look,I dont realy care about you and I dont love you,so I went and found me a affair partner and I enjoyed being with him/her untill you cought me. Now I want to stay in the marriage becouse I dont want to interupt my lifestyle,and I dont want to share the kids." They siply can not say that,becouse they know that their spouse will divorce them right avay. So,then starts all the fog bulls...t and other excuses.


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## drifting on (Nov 22, 2013)

Two reasons in my opinion, one is a memory of their time shared with another. The second, is because I firmly believe that the one cheating needs to be reminded that if they care so much for the other wayward it lessens the thoughts of doing wrong. It’s kind of like I can’t be such a bad person if this is how the wayward perceives me to be. A justification that they are not a terrible for destroying their spouse and family. When all of these chemicals are released in a new relationship you tend to want to see, speak, hear the person you are now involved with. Sparks are intense, time together stands still, you feel elation when with this new person. Reading the texts, emails, viewing of photos, all keeps this elation going within them. Then when caught they have their world collapse in a cloud of smoke, only ruins remain. 

They cling to the thought that it was something rare, special, only to find it was nothing. Which then brings up many other factors unrelated to the question of this thread.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Marduk said:


> Mementoes.
> 
> My wife literally wrote them all down in a special book before she deleted them.
> 
> ...


WOW!! :surprise: That is just so sick!


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

Narrisicism, plain and simple.! It always been about them.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

I don't think it's so complicated and psychological. I think cheaters often send photos to each other. Rather than deleting the individual texts and keep the photos, they don't delete anything, because they like to go back and look at the photos. Plus, they might go back to old texts and read them to get their fix. 

I'm not a cheater, but I rarely delete texts. I know some people delete their texts daily, but I've never done that. Sometimes I refer to old texts to see when something happened, like when did I last get my hair cut.



Marduk said:


> Plus, I’m convinced affairs make you stupid.


I agree. When people are doing evil things, their brains aren't working properly.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

arbitrator said:


> *But if there's a very real chance that they'll risk being caught with the goods, thus exposing the affair, wouldn't it be far better for them to discard/delete the evidence rather than to be found red-handed with it?
> 
> That would be an extremely expensive "trophy!"
> 
> Or do they just not give a damn? *


A close friend of mine who was having an affair didnt hide text notifications on her phone, (nor did she delete previous texts) that is how one of her kids caught her, when a text popped up on her screen. I am convinced that she WANTED to get caught. It really bit her in the ass though when she was busted one of her kids instead of the husband she was too cowardly to leave.


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## BruceBanner (May 6, 2018)

arbitrator said:


> *Why is it that cheaters seem to want to hold on to all of the texts, emails, and other communications to and from the person whom they're cheating with?
> 
> Don't they ever give credence to the fact that their jilted spouse can possibly uncover their illicit activity if they ever successfully are able to tap into those?
> 
> Your thoughts?*


Cheaters live in a fantasy world; it's easy to put something on pedestal when you haven't seen its bad side.


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## StillSearching (Feb 8, 2013)

I think it's more of a stimulation of the hippocampus, that leads to a little bit of euphoria.
A well-known function of the hippocampus is the capacity to learn and retrieve spatial memory: the what, when, and where qualities of an experience.
A drug push if you like. 
I think "The Shadow" or evil within us is not in our brains, but in our hearts (Souls)

Euphoria and evil are not necessarily synonymous. 
Although the outcome and effects can be.


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## stillthinking (Jun 1, 2016)

I think they keep them to serve as a mental/emotional spank bank. Fond memories for when their BS is not at home.


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

I agree that they keep them because it feeds the ego. They feel special, important, and the texts are permanent proof of that.

I also think that some people keep them as fond memories, mementoes, as some of you have said.

Cheaters feel alright keeping them for these reasons because they are very sure that they will never get caught. They are all brilliant, as we know, and we mere mortals are no match for them.


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## Stryder (Feb 15, 2018)

I think they keep them for all the reasons everyone else stated - but also because cheaters don’t think of the consequences. That would ruin the fun, if every time a text came through, they had to remember that they’ll have a ****-ton of trouble on their hands if they’re caught. That might put a kink in their endorphin-fueled fantasy.

I also think many do cover their tracks for a while, but the longer they get away with it, the cockier they get thinking they’ll never face consequences.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

arbitrator said:


> *Why is it that cheaters seem to want to hold on to all of the texts, emails, and other communications to and from the person whom they're cheating with?
> 
> Don't they ever give credence to the fact that their jilted spouse can possibly uncover their illicit activity if they ever successfully are able to tap into those?
> 
> Your thoughts?*


It's part of the excitement and naughtiness of it. It also helps foster the illusion of their romance, to be able to look at the flowery or erotic words and imagine keep the fantasy going.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

People in affairs having given themselves over to emotion rather than rational, logical thinking. That is the crux of the matter. People who are emotion driven are untrustworthy. It's fine to be in touch with emotions, to experience them and live them, but to make decisions based on emotion rather than thinking things out instead of making decisions based on principle is a recipe for disaster.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

I was glad that my (future) husband held onto the texts and e-mails. That way, I could see when he was telling the truth and what the real timeline was.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*RSXW had a sheer treasure trove of witty and sexually provocative double-entendre texts to/from both of her out of town OM! This was found in her organized FB stash as late as two years into our physical separation! And this discovery led to my acceptance that there had been a dual affair going on all while we married and living together. 

It also spelled out the very high probability that I had been unwittingly receiving "sloppy seconds" right after her return from those many road trips down to their locales!

We uncovered only their words, but read in them that there were allusions of camphone pictures that we couldn't find!

Hell of a way for folks in their mid to early 50's to act!

*


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## Stryder (Feb 15, 2018)

arbitrator said:


> *RSXW had a sheer treasure trove of witty and sexually provocative double-entendre texts to/from both of her out of town OM!
> 
> *


What does RSXW stand for?


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Stryder said:


> What does RSXW stand for?


*RSXW = Rich, Skanky Ex-Wife*


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

arbitrator said:


> *Why is it that cheaters seem to want to hold on to all of the texts, emails, and other communications to and from the person whom they're cheating with?
> 
> Don't they ever give credence to the fact that their jilted spouse can possibly uncover their illicit activity if they ever successfully are able to tap into those?
> 
> Your thoughts?*


They're trophies.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

arbitrator said:


> *Why is it that cheaters seem to want to hold on to all of the texts, emails, and other communications to and from the person whom they're cheating with?
> 
> Don't they ever give credence to the fact that their jilted spouse can possibly uncover their illicit activity if they ever successfully are able to tap into those?
> 
> Your thoughts?*


Why do people keep love letters?

And that's why.


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