# Losing hope in my marriage



## Ismymarriageover (Jun 16, 2020)

Hi everyone,

A bit of a background... my wife and I have been married for only 19 months. We had some issues on my side of the family during the process because my sister was getting married 2 months before us. My mom does not show affection towards my wife as she would like. It makes it seems as though my mom could care less about her (compared to my wife’s family who is very different and a very close family). We bought a condo 2 years ago, and recently got a new puppy. Lately we have really been at each other’s throats (working from home, dealing with the puppy, not having time for each other). We have not really been intimate for quite some time, I will admit it has been my fault. I guess that is because I have so much going on that the last thing I can be is intimate. She has been looking for a new job, but has not had much luck which has put her in a bad mood as of late. We have been struggling to make any time for each other, which is definitely hurting us.

I will admit, at times I can be lazy, procrastinate, and forgetful, which she is not fond of. Often times I have to ask her what needs to get done around the house instead of being proactive because I view things as being fine Or “let’s not worry about Right now.” She has said to me multiple times that she feels like she is the man of the house because she takes care of a lot. There are times where I will work on something or do something to help out and it is either not done fully or wrong; which frustrates her because she sees this as her needing to fix my mistakes. Her and I were brought up very differently, my parents did everything for me, while her parents did not.

My wife just went back to work this week, which has given her anxiety with everything going on. I have lucked out and have still been working from home. Well today she came home annoyed already from work and was angry that I did not bring the trash out sooner. This started an argument that put her in a horrible mood,and now she has been very short with me and I can tell she wants nothing to do with me right now. It was not that I forgot about the trash, but planned on taking it out after I was done with work.

we do not seem to be communicating well lately and I am starting to lose my patience. What do I do?


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

It’s sounds like you have been coasting in this marriage and I promise you, you will be divorce if you keep it up. You really do need to step it up ASAP, there is no excuse to wait until the end of day to take out the trash, if it’s full than dump it...honestly I have to side with her...as for your mom, not sure what bearing it has on your current situation but she definitely has to put in place or told she is not welcomed. Time to put your big boy pants and be active in this marriage


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## Mrs433 (Nov 6, 2018)

Actually my situation is kind of opposite and I been married 30 years! For 1 you are married to your wife family should not get involved they should be nice visitors for holidays or special occasions! I been a stay at home mom since I was 18 years old and it would piss me off I would clean clean the house take care of 3 kids and he would come home and say this is clean? He would find something to criticize. 8 hours is not a long time when you cook breakfast lunch and dinner by scratch then cleaning up after each meal. My kids were 1, 3 and 9. So I had to drive one of kids to school and pick up that was an hour in its self the way they release kids anymore it's not like when I was little. Then getting the other 2 showered/ dressed and same for me I would go none stop and dinner hot on the table at 4pm to hear u call this clean!! I still don't let him forget it. We had many ups and downs since we were 18 yrs old starting to date high school sweethearts. Communication is the key! There is a book I reccomend its called the 5 languages of love! That helps a lot. It took 10 years for my husband to stand up for me to his mom she criti,ed everything I did as well and he put her in her place then we became very close! We are now facing a different challenge where the divorce rate is higher. Our 2w year old son passed away just on Jan 30th 2020. Now it's the toughest we have ever been through. We been through a lot! He has always been the only one working, we almost list our house during the housing bubble. I saved it and it will be 21 years we owned it in July. He started off only making $5 he in 1997 and now he worked up and makes more money I never thought he could ever! You have to make an appoint to keep dating her dont make her lose the feeling why she fell in live with you And married you. Communicate it wait until after she gets home and relaxes. Massage her poor her a glass of wine. Do something that would shock her and save her from doing like laundry or order take out have it ready as she walks in!! Just keep surprising her find her favorite movie on Netflix or whatever and do a date night at home. Throw pillows on the floor have a picnic it will get you back where u can feel like friends again make it intimate with massages or just holding her! That book comes in audio there is youtube videos that help too but become friends again where it becomes easy over time to iron out the real issues!

Sent from my SM-N950U using Tapatalk


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

@Ismymarriageover that woman who you live with is not your Mom. She’s not your live in housekeeper or cleaner or cook. 
She’s your wife. 
Now how about getting the finger out and acting like a husband?


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Andy1001 said:


> @Ismymarriageover that woman who you live with is not your Mom. She’s not your live in housekeeper or cleaner or cook.
> She’s your wife.
> Now how about getting the finger out and acting like a husband?


FTW. Whatever transpires between your mother and your W, you take up for your W. That simple. Now, get on board with being part of a functioning home that requires your attention without being told. Your W is not your mom. Further, make the time to be with your W. You take the blame but not doing anything about it.


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## WandaJ (Aug 5, 2014)

Mrs433 said:


> Actually my situation is kind of opposite and I been married 30 years! For 1 you are married to your wife family should not get involved they should be nice visitors for holidays or special occasions! I been a stay at home mom since I was 18 years old and it would piss me off I would clean clean the house take care of 3 kids and he would come home and say this is clean? He would find something to criticize. 8 hours is not a long time when you cook breakfast lunch and dinner by scratch then cleaning up after each meal. My kids were 1, 3 and 9. So I had to drive one of kids to school and pick up that was an hour in its self the way they release kids anymore it's not like when I was little. Then getting the other 2 showered/ dressed and same for me I would go none stop and dinner hot on the table at 4pm to hear u call this clean!! I still don't let him forget it. We had many ups and downs since we were 18 yrs old starting to date high school sweethearts. Communication is the key! There is a book I reccomend its called the 5 languages of love! That helps a lot. It took 10 years for my husband to stand up for me to his mom she criti,ed everything I did as well and he put her in her place then we became very close! We are now facing a different challenge where the divorce rate is higher. Our 2w year old son passed away just on Jan 30th 2020. Now it's the toughest we have ever been through. We been through a lot! He has always been the only one working, we almost list our house during the housing bubble. I saved it and it will be 21 years we owned it in July. He started off only making $5 he in 1997 and now he worked up and makes more money I never thought he could ever! You have to make an appoint to keep dating her dont make her lose the feeling why she fell in live with you And married you. Communicate it wait until after she gets home and relaxes. Massage her poor her a glass of wine. Do something that would shock her and save her from doing like laundry or order take out have it ready as she walks in!! Just keep surprising her find her favorite movie on Netflix or whatever and do a date night at home. Throw pillows on the floor have a picnic it will get you back where u can feel like friends again make it intimate with massages or just holding her! That book comes in audio there is youtube videos that help too but become friends again where it becomes easy over time to iron out the real issues!
> 
> Sent from my SM-N950U using Tapatalk


I am so sorry about your son. 

it would be easier to read your post, if you split it in paragraphs. This really matters. maybe you want to start your won thread?


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