# Abortions and friends having them.



## Raemay38 (Dec 12, 2009)

I woke up this mourning to my friend telling me she is late on her period and she should have an abortion. I was so shocked by her comment and was pissed all at once. I have had such a hard time having kids and she is willing to kill her un-born which pissess me off . I had to get off phone before I lost a friend I almost lost it on her. We are both adults and can provide for kids so she has no excuse to kill an innocent child. I told her to seriously consider putting baby up for adoption. I would not adopt her baby becuase were friends and she would not work with me in this situation of boundries with birth mother and adopting mother there must be boundries.
Im so anti-abortion and know its wrong to do seen medical films and nurses admit its killing a baby. Ive even had a friend that had an abortion years ago and she was so severly depressed about having one and was so sad she did her husband was a jerk and said no kids we cant afford one. They could have had help with the child from the state with medical care if needed but he insisted she have one and she did. Last time I saw her was her crying about the situation I lost touch with her I bet she divorced him.


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## Sven (Nov 18, 2009)

It's always a tragedy when someone has an abortion. I've never had someone close to me do it, so I don't know how I'd react. I might very well say goodbye to a friend over it - I don't know.

I suggest that you will have more influence if you show love and compassion towards your friend.


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## Raemay38 (Dec 12, 2009)

Sven,
I'm not sure how love and compassion come into the decession making of her having an abortion. I am mad at her for even wanting one how can I show support to something I'm so against. My support to her was offerign her options other then abortign her baby she is an adult and her final decession is hers I just hopes she makes the right choice.
I think you were confused I was talking about two seperate issues one of a current friend debating abortion and other friend already had an abortion years ago.
I am very loving and nice in my nature but not when it comes to abortion.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Slippery slope. I recognize that people have very strong convictions on this subject. I simply do not think it is suitable to apply absolutes. Having worked with kids who are the product of poverty, addiction, neglect, abuse and abandonment, as well as knowing a number of individuals and their circumstances that have had abortions, I'm never going to agree that abortion is the wrong decision in every case.

I can understand your outrage if you have had difficulty conceiving. 

I find it equally troubling when people like the Duggar's (18 and Counting - they just had # 19) turn family rearing into a sport.


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## Mommybean (Jan 22, 2009)

The Duggars, are completely self sufficient, have well behaved, well educated children, and don't ask for anything from anyone. They are handling their business. It's their choice. 
As for your friend, you cannot impose your convictions on this subject on her. If you feel that you cannot maintain a friendship over it, then do the adult thing, tell her so, and gracefully bow out of her life. You can never know 100% of somone else's situation, because you don't live in her shoes. While I can understand YOUR frustration, since you are having difficulty conceiving, you have to decide if HER choice is a deal breaker for you, and if so, how many more of your friends will you have to cut from your list because their actions are not what you would choose?


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## Choose2love (Jul 28, 2009)

For some people it is a no brainer that an abortion is what they need to do. For others, its a no brainer not to have one. The problem is when these 2 paths cross, such as in your situation. If your friend knew how you felt about abortion (and that you are ttc), it was plain malicious of her to tell you about her situation and decision. If she did not know, you have a choice to make... whether you can continue being a friend to her who is loving. We are to love one another, even in the face of not liking them all of the time. I know the pain of infertility. I also know to be a friend is to not always accept behavior or decisions, but accept the person. 

If your friend knew how you felt and spoke to you anyway, I would not consider that person a friend. 

If she spoke and did not know how you felt/believed, then perhaps find some way to explain that you dont wish to know anymore about that and that it hurts you on too emotional/ethical a level. Perhaps let her know that your friendship means alot to you and then you will need to let go of what she told you since it was not meant to be anymore than a friend sharing with a friend.

When I was 18, I had a friend who was 16 and called me to sign for her to get an abortion. She had no idea when she called that I was anti abortion. I said I could not sign for her to do that. I asked her to talk with the baby's dad as I could not be involved in a decision like that. She got the abortion. A week later she called me because she had complications with a high fever and I asked if there was anything I could do to help her. I refrained from saying I told you so, or what goes around comes around or any other nasty thing came into my mind... she was my friend and in need. I knew that she did not come to me knowing how I felt, she was not trying to hurt me with her asking for my help either time. 

I hope that if your friend was truly not aware of how you felt that you can mend this. Even if we have strong feelings about this loaded topic, it is not our place to judge, judgement is from God.


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## dsfg_lover_001 (Jul 4, 2010)

Well if you are really be friend with her,you should respect her decision.I think you should go talk to her to find out why she wants to have a abortion without judging her ,or get mad at her.That`s her life,and she is grown up enough to make her own mind,but you can tell her why she shouldnt do that.Well get a nice talk to her if you care about her a lot.Thanks for sharing.


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## Mrs.G (Nov 20, 2010)

Mommybean said:


> The Duggars, are completely self sufficient, have well behaved, well educated children, and don't ask for anything from anyone. They are handling their business. It's their choice.
> As for your friend, you cannot impose your convictions on this subject on her. If you feel that you cannot maintain a friendship over it, then do the adult thing, tell her so, and gracefully bow out of her life. You can never know 100% of somone else's situation, because you don't live in her shoes. While I can understand YOUR frustration, since you are having difficulty conceiving, you have to decide if HER choice is a deal breaker for you, and if so, how many more of your friends will you have to cut from your list because their actions are not what you would choose?


:iagree: Moral zealotry sickens me. Live and let live! Not everybody is going to do what YOU want all the time. Sheesh! It's her life! Sounds like the OP's friend, would be better off without such judgemental and overbearing people in her life.


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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

Raemay38 said:


> I woke up this mourning to my friend telling me she is late on her period and she should have an abortion. I was so shocked by her comment and was pissed all at once. I have had such a hard time having kids and she is willing to kill her un-born which pissess me off . I had to get off phone before I lost a friend I almost lost it on her. We are both adults and can provide for kids so she has no excuse to kill an innocent child.


Do you have the right to foist your value system on her? One person's innocent child is another persons bunch of cells, the fact that you have had difficulty conceiving notwithstanding.



> I told her to seriously consider putting baby up for adoption. I would not adopt her baby becuase were friends and she would not work with me in this situation of boundries with birth mother and adopting mother there must be boundries.
> Im so anti-abortion and know its wrong to do seen medical films and nurses admit its killing a baby. Ive even had a friend that had an abortion years ago and she was so severly depressed about having one and was so sad she did her husband was a jerk and said no kids we cant afford one.


But anecdotes all over the place, as well as studies, show that most people who don't have moral compunctions about it suffer no depression whatsoever.


> They could have had help with the child from the state with medical care if needed but he insisted she have one and she did. Last time I saw her was her crying about the situation I lost touch with her I bet she divorced him.


Well good luck to you with that friend.


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## greeneyeddolphin (May 31, 2010)

I can see how this would hurt given your difficulties with conception. But it's also not your right to tell her what she should or shouldn't do. How would you feel if she told you that given your difficulties, you should stop trying? You'd feel she was out of line and wrong, wouldn't you? You would feel it's your choice and she has no right to say anything. Same thing here. You might not agree with her decision, and you have the right to not agree with it. You do not, however, have the right to tell her what to do, or that her decision is wrong. It is wrong for you, and wrong for your beliefs, but it might be absolutely right for her. 

If this decision is something you absolutely cannot get past, then you need to be an adult and just tell her that you so strongly disagree with her decision that you feel your friendship cannot continue. It's that simple. 

I hope you get your wish very soon and can have a baby.


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

:scratchhead: What I don't get is why women who obviously are at that point in their lives when they do NOT want any more children and will take the draconian measure of killing their unborn child in their womb in order to avoid the responsibility of parenthood don't do the RIGHT thing and have the foresight to get STERILIZED, as in tubal ligation? It's 99.9% effective, it's usually covered by insurance and it's a relatively simple operation that involves maybe a few days of rest (I was back at the gym a week after having my tubes tied). 

I just don't get why so many women continue on, worrying and wondering about "being late" and then decide to murder their own child when the worst case scenario happens. I'ts so simple to just avoid the situation altogether and have sex worry free..and oh yeah, avoid that whole killing your own child situation. . 

I had a friend who once told me she had THREE abortions before she actually got married and had kids. I held my tongue and still remained her friend but steered clear of the subject with her. 

Avoiding discussions of religion and politics, and anything else that may be "sticky" territory is always a good idea IMO. I personally consider abortion to be murder but not everyone does so I can respect that. I don't agree with their decision to have one but I respect their right to be able to have it should they desire.


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## Pandakiss (Oct 29, 2010)

i have not had one, but considered doing so. we were not in a possition to care for more childern..i had a then 8 yr. old and had 1 miscarriage, and had been a surragate 3 times, so i know how carring a baby was and i knew how much money they cost.

i didnt go through with it because, it would cost 400 dollars, we were flat broke and living with my mom, i couldnt see having a baby like that again. my h and i were in our mid 20s, just been eviticed when he lost his job.

when i went in for the check up...SUPRISE....triplets!!!!!!!
well, i was so scared to tell my mom, i made her come to a drs app with me, and she was in the room when they "told me for the first time", and she was soooo HAPPY...i was confussed, but it worked out for the best.

a side note...when i was in high school, i knew of about 6/7 girls that had 3 or more abortions, and thats just the ones that were aquantincess...

i can tell anybody what is right or wrong, i can offer choices or suggestions, but its up to them to bear their cross, not me.

i am sorry you are having trouble conceving...i hope the best for you. please dont judge your friend for her f-ups, and it would not work out if you adopted her baby, its too close and she would intrefere without meaning to, and that would def end the friendship...


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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

The whole societal conversation about abortion if whacked. The religious folk who say educating teens about sex and bc is bad because it sends "the wrong message" about sex. Nature is already sending the poor kids all sorts of "messages" and the kids are receiving those loud and clear. It is these exact people who call abortion murder. 

Get education and birth control into the hands of every single person. Make it EASY to get birth control. Get the weird factor out of sex education. Be open with your kids so they can TRUST you and don't have to get their info from Suzie or Joe at school.

THAT is the way to stop abortion, or lessen it by a lot. Anyone who thinks going in for an abortion is a fun time is nuts.


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

When people are suffering themselves, it is actually better for them not to bring a life into this world! 

I feel sad to see children grow up with ill mannered parents!

It breaks my heart when I read news articles about those abusive parents!

It breaks my heart when I see innocent children die because of abusive parents!


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## 4sure (Aug 8, 2010)

It is possible to not like ones actions, but still love the person. Bottom line it's her choice. You will have people in your life, including your own kids, that will choose what they want. What will you do if you don't agree, cut them out of your life? I guess you could, again it's your choice, but to continue to love that person although you don't agree is what friendship is all about.


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## Mrs.G (Nov 20, 2010)

4sure said:


> It is possible to not like ones actions, but still love the person. Bottom line it's her choice. You will have people in your life, including your own kids, that will choose what they want. What will you do if you don't agree, cut them out of your life? I guess you could, again it's your choice, but to continue to love that person although you don't agree is what friendship is all about.


:iagree: My cousin is getting married and she`s only 18. I don`t agree with her choice, but I love her and support her.


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## lime (Jul 3, 2010)

Freak On a Leash said:


> :scratchhead: What I don't get is why women who obviously are at that point in their lives when they do NOT want any more children and will take the draconian measure of killing their unborn child in their womb in order to avoid the responsibility of parenthood don't do the RIGHT thing and have the foresight to get STERILIZED, as in tubal ligation? It's 99.9% effective, it's usually covered by insurance and it's a relatively simple operation that involves maybe a few days of rest (I was back at the gym a week after having my tubes tied).


Unfortunately, not everyone can have this procedure done, and it does come with some risks (increased risk of ectopic pregnancy, for example). It also has a handful of negative side effects for the body, so it's not wise if a woman already has problems like PCOS or endometriosis.

Same goes for vasectomy--side effects can be rough, depending on the person.

I do agree though that too many women are using abortion as a method of birth control.


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