# Legit reason for divorce or no?



## Traydlor (2 mo ago)

My wife and I have been going through issues the past few years with her having 0 Sex Drive. Me being early 30s I have a very active sex drive. She doesn’t seem to care to Try any kind of meds or go out of her way to try to fix this libido issue. She just says, she doesn’t have one and doesn’t know what I want her to do about it. All I know is I can’t go on like this having sex once or twice a year for the rest of my life because my wife doesn’t like sex. She doesn’t have the highest self-esteem but I tell her daily she’s beautiful, so I’m not sure what else I can do.


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## gr8ful1 (Dec 3, 2016)

A spouse who unilaterally cuts off sex is 100% a dealbreaker. She can certainly choose to never have sex again but it’s 100% wrong for her to expect you to be celibate the rest of your life. Sorry pal - if she’s unwilling to work on this in any way it’s time to file.


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

Traydlor said:


> My wife and I have been going through issues the past few years with her having 0 Sex Drive. Me being early 30s I have a very active sex drive. She doesn’t seem to care to Try any kind of meds or go out of her way to try to fix this libido issue. She just says, she doesn’t have one and doesn’t know what I want her to do about it. All I know is I can’t go on like this having sex once or twice a year for the rest of my life because my wife doesn’t like sex. She doesn’t have the highest self-esteem but I tell her daily she’s beautiful, so I’m not sure what else I can do.


Welcome to TAM @Traydlor 

Has she been checked out medically?
How about Sex Therapy, have you considered that?

In my opinion, some women are complex when it comes to intimacy. Changing from 0 sex drive to something else can be done, we've got folks here who have done it. That takes work.

Are you or she religious?
How about her past, any sexual trauma?

How long have you been married?
Was she always like this?
If not...when did it change and why?


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## gameopoly5 (5 mo ago)

Traydlor said:


> My wife and I have been going through issues the past few years with her having 0 Sex Drive. Me being early 30s I have a very active sex drive. She doesn’t seem to care to Try any kind of meds or go out of her way to try to fix this libido issue. She just says, she doesn’t have one and doesn’t know what I want her to do about it. All I know is I can’t go on like this having sex once or twice a year for the rest of my life because my wife doesn’t like sex. She doesn’t have the highest self-esteem but I tell her daily she’s beautiful, so I’m not sure what else I can do.


It used to be under the divorce laws if a partner abstains from sex it was grounds for divorce, but these days now with the no fault divorce laws that is no longer possible.
There are videos on YouTube whereas boyfriends place their girlfriends to a test. They set up a situation whereas an actor plays a rich hot guy, hits on the girl while the crew and boyfriend watches on camera to see if the girl will take the bait or not. Most fail.


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

Was she like this when you dated?

If my husband never wanted to have sex, I think it would make me wonder a number of things and none of them would be good. I think sexless marriages aren’t just about the lack of having sex but what it does to the person being rejected on an emotional level. I can imagine that this makes you feel withdrawn or unattractive. Sex is not the only important part of a marriage, but it’s important. So, I don’t think anyone should fault you if you divorced, but if you want to save the marriage, your wife has to be willing to work on this issue.

Without both of you on the same page at least working towards the same things, it will be tough to overcome this on your own, unless you just accept having a relatively sexless marriage.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

Traydlor said:


> My wife and I have been going through issues the past few years with her having 0 Sex Drive. Me being early 30s I have a very active sex drive. She doesn’t seem to care to Try any kind of meds or go out of her way to try to fix this libido issue. *She just says, she doesn’t have one and doesn’t know what I want her to do about it.* All I know is I can’t go on like this having sex once or twice a year for the rest of my life because my wife doesn’t like sex. She doesn’t have the highest self-esteem but I tell her daily she’s beautiful, so I’m not sure what else I can do.


Have you told her what you want her to do about it? She may be depressed, which causes a lack of motivation.


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## Laurentium (May 21, 2017)

Any children?

Has she always been like this?


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

That without, came from a withhold, this withhold, inspires a release.

A release can be that pardon, a life without any withholding, a need of releasing trapped seamen from the confining holds of that marriage ship that you find yourself within, soon without.

Yes, divorce.

Any forward settlement that you receive from your wife will be forced on her.

No one should have anything, unjustly, forced upon them.

You two are not compatible.

Divorce amicably, if possible.


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## DLC (Sep 19, 2021)

I agree you shouldn’t have to go on with a sexless marriage until death do you apart.

try therapy. Or something like that.

divorce should be the last resort.And you two has to come up with a agreement or compromise. Not an ultimatum.

sometimes things just don’t work out. But at least try to fix it first before calling it quit.


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## BoSlander (6 mo ago)

Traydlor said:


> My wife and I have been going through issues the past few years with her having 0 Sex Drive. Me being early 30s I have a very active sex drive. She doesn’t seem to care to Try any kind of meds or go out of her way to try to fix this libido issue. She just says, she doesn’t have one and doesn’t know what I want her to do about it. All I know is I can’t go on like this having sex once or twice a year for the rest of my life because my wife doesn’t like sex. She doesn’t have the highest self-esteem but I tell her daily she’s beautiful, so I’m not sure what else I can do.


Amazing to see how many American females are basically giving up on sex (with their significant other)... In my opinion she's begging you for the divorce papers.

Have a serious conversation with her and let her know of your boundaries. If she doesn't comply, start the 180 and hand her the papers.

If she doesn't care, that means she's got another man in her life who is satisfying her sexual needs and, to her, having sex with you would be the equivalent of cheating on her real guy.


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## bygone (11 mo ago)

genderless but healthy people make me suspicious

Did you check, she might be having an affair outside

I read , 

his wife hasn't had sex with the man for years, they tried everything, including therapy, and the man agreed, she stayed married to him. Later on, she realized that she was seeing another man almost every day (10+ years) in those years and divorced,

I wrote the story as far as I can remember, there may be mistakes.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

Traydlor said:


> so I’m not sure what else I can do.


The only thing that you can is *divorce*, otherwise, are you ready for a sexless life? As she gets older do you expect her libido to increase? quite the contrary, it will be less than zero. Get out. I did and don't regret it one bit.


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## Jimi007 (6 mo ago)

I abstained from sex for a very long time because it was extremely painful for my wife. I simply didn't want to hurt her
She was diagnosed with a severe case of endometriosis. After treatment things were fine

Maybe your wife has a medical issue that makes sex painful 🤔 
Has she actually given you a reason as to why she won't have sex with you


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## Not (Jun 12, 2017)

This is a legit reason for divorce if she is set on not changing and that’s what you need to find out. You need to let her know this is the direction your mind has gone and see what she does with that.


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## CraigBesuden (Jun 20, 2019)

Divorce is permitted for any reason or no reason at all (no fault), So, of course it is legit. Perhaps you are asking whether people will be shocked and judge you for it? I don't think so. You vowed monogamy not celibacy. Sex is required to consummate a marriage. If your spouse refuses to do their spousal duties for an extended period of time, I think it's totally fine.


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## Loves Coffee (4 mo ago)

Once or twice a year? Why haven't you left yet?


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## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

Traydlor said:


> My wife and I have been going through issues the past few years with her having 0 Sex Drive. Me being early 30s I have a very active sex drive. She doesn’t seem to care to Try any kind of meds or go out of her way to try to fix this libido issue. She just says, she doesn’t have one and doesn’t know what I want her to do about it. All I know is I can’t go on like this having sex once or twice a year for the rest of my life because my wife doesn’t like sex. She doesn’t have the highest self-esteem but I tell her daily she’s beautiful, so I’m not sure what else I can do.


Yes it's a legit reason to divorce. If she doesn't want to fix it won't be fixed. After having kids my wife's libido went to zero. She saw it as a problem and took the lead to fix it. With the help of some really good and understanding doctors, she was able to address it. Today at 46 she has the libido of a 21yo guy some days. But look around TAM and you will find dozens of stories of both men and women who had spouses that did not care to find a solution. They are not happy stories.


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## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

BoSlander said:


> Amazing to see how many American females are basically giving up on sex (with their significant other)... In my opinion she's begging you for the divorce papers.
> 
> Have a serious conversation with her and let her know of your boundaries. If she doesn't comply, start the 180 and hand her the papers.
> 
> If she doesn't care, that means she's got another man in her life who is satisfying her sexual needs and, to her, having sex with you would be the equivalent of cheating on her real guy.


You don’t speak for females. 50+ and have great sex 3+ times a week. Don’t presume to make broad judgments


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## AVR1962 (May 30, 2012)

Is she willing to go to a hormone specialist? Have you talked about marriage counseling? For a woman to have no drive at a rather young age it seems something is not quite right either medically or something she is feeling about herself, or the marriage. I would explore these first.


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## BoSlander (6 mo ago)

snowbum said:


> You don’t speak for females.


Or humpback whales, spotted Gila lizards or the Chupacabra.

Don’t know what made you think otherwise.


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## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

BoSlander said:


> Or humpback whales, spotted Gila lizards or the Chupacabra.
> 
> Don’t know what made you think otherwise.


*I* speak for Chupacabras ... Don't you forget it.


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

Traydlor said:


> My wife and I have been going through issues the past few years with her having 0 Sex Drive. Me being early 30s I have a very active sex drive. She doesn’t seem to care to Try any kind of meds or go out of her way to try to fix this libido issue. She just says, she doesn’t have one and doesn’t know what I want her to do about it. All I know is I can’t go on like this having sex once or twice a year for the rest of my life because my wife doesn’t like sex. She doesn’t have the highest self-esteem but I tell her daily she’s beautiful, so I’m not sure what else I can do.


 Traydlor joined 4 days ago and never returned to see what the posters responded he must have got his answer in the first few posts , while Traydlor said his age he did not say what age his wife was .
He told us they have sex about twice a year but he did not tell us what contraception she is on if any ,
how long they are together and what sex life was like at the start of their relationship


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

snowbum said:


> You don’t speak for females. 50+ and have great sex 3+ times a week. Don’t presume to make broad judgments


Where is the broad judgement? I don't see one....


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