# She cheated on me with one guy and was sexually assualted by another.....



## howcouldshe (Jul 18, 2011)

So in the begining of June my wife tells me she was sexually assaulted, turns out he is someone that we knew as him and his cousion were at our house doing some work several months before. So the way the guy that assaults hers comes to be at our house is she calls him due to his cousion being MIA for a week or so, now you may ask why is she concerend about the cousion, while it turns out she was having an affair with him for several months, the guy is a drug addict that is back and forth with drugs and a real loser. He is engaged to be married and she has no clue aboout the affair. So the police are involved with the assault side of things but who knows how that will turn out....she had a connection to the guy she had the affair with cause they both claim to have this "void" in life.......

She cheated on me and had no intentions of telling me, but due the assualt I found out. Do I forgive her? 
She was sexually assualted, obviosuly I cant even begin to understand how she feels, this is the kind of hurt that may never go away and could very well ruin our relationship. 
She was involved with a guy that has used drugs and still does, (risky behavior) chance of getting a disease........ 
She has the guy over that assaulted her while I was not home and while my kids were asleep in their bedrooms, how irresonsible is that, where is the safety of my kids? 
How is ever can I trust her again, this is the toughest one.........
Curious on your thoughts? I think you may have some great insight and since you do not know either of us personally you can be honest and non bias with your answer.

Part of me took a vow for better or worse but she is the one that did alot of stupid risky behavior and created this issue and I am having hard time looking past that and forgiving for it.

Do I tough it out no matter what

Do I try for a year or so....

Do I throw in the towel now?

I like many have had bumps in our marriage, I have always been supportive and employeed and not abusive or a drunk.....guess it was not enough.

We have been married 6 years and have 2 kids under 6.

I have confronted the guy she had the affair with and he plays dumb, I really want to tell his fiance what he has done to make his life hell for a while but dont know what that will accomplish as she knows he has had drug issues.....

This whole write up makes us look like total trash, we are both white collar workers and live in a middle class neighbor hood, not that it matters....

My wife has battled with depression but never in my eyes been treated properly for it, basiclly tells the GP she is depressed and they give her meds.......not proper treatment if you ask me.

She is also very closed about all of this, she is saying things like haven I suffered enough due to the assualt and I am not going to kiss you a$$ and beg you to stay about the cheating, kind of taking the approach it happened and we need to move, that does not fly in my books.

The kids are my big concern right now and what this will do to them......

The real irony here is that she says the guy that she had the affair with was never an option due to all his issues, it sounds like he was just someone to fill the time with or to see if she wanted to be with me or not and from that she says she realized she wanted to be with me.......yet she still defends him and is mad that I talked to him, that is alone and hurt and blah blah blah.

Open for any advise cause I sure can use some insight.
Thanks


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

howcouldshe said:


> She is also very closed about all of this, she is saying things like haven I suffered enough due to the assualt and I am not going to kiss you a$$ and beg you to stay about the cheating, kind of taking the approach it happened and we need to move, *that does not fly in my books*


Nor does it fly in mine. You want advise? Divorce her and seek physical custody of the children - she exposed them to a dangerous predator because of her thoughtless and selfish desires. She's now found out that karma can be a bit**

Read the following:



> _*Just Let Them Go*
> 
> The end result?
> 
> ...


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

morituri said:


> Nor does it fly in mine. You want advise? Divorce her and seek physical custody of the children - she exposed them to a dangerous predator because of her thoughtless and selfish desires. She's now found out that karma can be a bit**
> 
> Read the following:


:iagree::iagree::iagree:


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## MisguidedMiscreant (Dec 28, 2010)

howcouldshe said:


> So in the begining of June my wife tells me she was sexually assaulted, turns out he is someone that we knew as him and his cousion were at our house doing some work several months before. So the way the guy that assaults hers comes to be at our house is she calls him due to his cousion being MIA for a week or so, now you may ask why is she concerend about the cousion, while it turns out she was having an affair with him for several months, the guy is a drug addict that is back and forth with drugs and a real loser. He is engaged to be married and she has no clue aboout the affair. So the police are involved with the assault side of things but who knows how that will turn out....she had a connection to the guy she had the affair with cause they both claim to have this "void" in life.......
> 
> She cheated on me and had no intentions of telling me, but due the assualt I found out. Do I forgive her?
> She was sexually assualted, obviosuly I cant even begin to understand how she feels, this is the kind of hurt that may never go away and could very well ruin our relationship.
> ...


I didn't even finish reading this, I got halfway through. Get the **** out now! Save yourself, you won't be able to help your children otherwise.


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## Tourchwood (Feb 1, 2011)

its not about you or her now, it is about your children, Divorce now, dont trust her with kids or a relationship. Depression is an excuse for cheating, many here suffered very bad depression and no one cheated.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Is she a SAHM?


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## Halien (Feb 20, 2011)

howcouldshe said:


> She is also very closed about all of this, she is saying things like haven I suffered enough due to the assualt and I am not going to kiss you a$$ and beg you to stay about the cheating, kind of taking the approach it happened and we need to move, that does not fly in my books.
> 
> The kids are my big concern right now and what this will do to them......


Her response is enough to let you know what you need to do. This is the type of reconciliation that needs to take place in the rear view mirror, where you divorce her and try to place nice for the sake of the kids. Yes, she's hurting, but any person with a shred of decency will know that you were also a victim, with the added hurt of being a victim from her. Maybe it would even help show some human decency if she wasn't trying to cover for the guy she was sleeping with behind your back. Get the story documented and try to get custody of the children. If she's a white collar wife, she can pay child support and let you move on with your life so she can fill the void in her life as she pleases.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

What I don't understand is why your wife called the assault guy because the cousin wasn't around. Huh? Why did she call him in the first place? So what if the cousin wasn't around.

Either way, only you can decide wehther to stay or go. 

Do get tested for STDs though.


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

The other man's fiance deserves to know about the affair. If she had found out, you wouldn't want her hiding it from you.

As for divorce, I think it's prudent to take a few weeks or months to decide on things for the children's sake. However, since your wife is not remorseful, things don't look good. I would start the paperwork for separation/divorce soon. You can always call it off later if she changes her behavior.

You did take a vow for better or worse, but every religious and secular institution that sanctions marriage recognizes infidelity as justifiable reason for divorce.

As for her reasoning, don't knock yourself out looking for one that makes sense. Certainly, you have some responsibility for the state of the marriage where she wasn't happy. However, the decision she made to cheat on you is all her own. And that decision is always based completely on selfishness. No, she didn't care about you. No, she didn't care about your kids.

Start on the 180 and either serve her with separation papers, or lay out the conditions (total transparency, letter of no contact) for her continuing to live with you and your kids.

Good luck.


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## howcouldshe (Jul 18, 2011)

turnera said:


> Is she a SAHM?


No she works 30 hours a week down from 40 because due to depression and me working the road she claimed she could not handle the pressure at work..........


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

PHTlump said:


> The other man's fiance deserves to know about the affair.


:iagree:

Tell the fiancee


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## howcouldshe (Jul 18, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> What I don't understand is why your wife called the assault guy because the cousin wasn't around. Huh? Why did she call him in the first place? So what if the cousin wasn't around.
> 
> Either way, only you can decide wehther to stay or go.
> 
> Do get tested for STDs though.


She was in an affair with Guy #1 and he is the one that has the drug problem so they were having their nice life for a while and then Guy #1 goes missing for a week back into the drug scene, so wife gets concerned and contacts the cousion Guy#2 as she is concerned about the fact that Guy #1 is back into drugs and she has not heard from him, I am told Guy #2 comes over to my house for a few drinks one night, I am also told this is the ONLy time he has ever been over, while she wakes up at 6 am on the couch with him naked ontop of her......she thinks he slipped something in her drink, the police are inlovled and she has stated that what happened was not consentual but inlight of the affair you can say I have my doubts, the fact that my kids were in the next room is the toughest part and the fact that they tend to wake early or often in the middle of the night it is pure dumb luck they did not wake up and see this all happening.

She is getting tested in a few weeks and I am as well.
I can tell you that we have not been intimate since all this happend, the most we have done is kiss.


I am trying to be strong for her as she was "assaulted" but it getting old quick.


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## howcouldshe (Jul 18, 2011)

PHTlump said:


> The other man's fiance deserves to know about the affair. If she had found out, you wouldn't want her hiding it from you.
> 
> As for divorce, I think it's prudent to take a few weeks or months to decide on things for the children's sake. However, since your wife is not remorseful, things don't look good. I would start the paperwork for separation/divorce soon. You can always call it off later if she changes her behavior.
> 
> ...


Thanks for the insight, I really do want to tell his fiance as you are right if that was me I would want to know, my wife says we dont need to ruin her life, yeah while better that she knows she has a cheating man now than later. It seems like she keeps making exucusses on why I should not talk to him or talk to her.
Part of me wonders if she was fooling around with the guy that "attacked" her as opposed to the guy she claims she was....

You are right we are both 50 50 in a marriage but as you said I did not cheat and create a major issue. We may have had our issues but she was always free to leave as was I doing what she did is above and beyond what is allowed. Funny thing is she always says that I am selfish, why cause I work hard to provide for our family.....

Please enlighten me as to what this 180 book is.

Thanks for all your help this is a great website and I look forward to being able to help others as well.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

howcouldshe said:


> ...Part of me took a vow for better or worse but she is the one that did alot of stupid risky behavior and created this issue and I am having hard time looking past that and forgiving for it.
> 
> Do I tough it out no matter what
> 
> ...


She broke those vows so the marriage right now is a broken contract. It is up to you to decide on the restitution, but there is absolutely no shame in walking away from this bad situation, in fact it sounds like it is necessary to leave her and seek custody of your children in order to protect them. I felt a lot of shame for feeling like even if my cheating wife wanted to try to fix the marraige I wouldn't want to, part of it was embarrasment of what my friends and family would think. My relatives are all devout and conservative christians, and though I don't really follow in their footsteps I was surprised when they all affirmed that SHE was the one who broke the vows she made before God and our loved ones, and I have no duty to stick with her in these "bad times". I also realize it is going to take more strength to do what is right for me, and find my happiness myself, instead of trying to forgive her and accept being treated the way I was.

It is really sad to hear that she was assaulted, nobody deserves that, but she chose to end the marriage and that means you are not able to be her protector, so you need not feel any guilt about that. In her affair she basically had the reasoning of a drug addict herself, her main goal was the next high and she sold out her values in order to get it (it is a character flaw, not the situation itself) - at some point all you can do is wash your hands of it, cope with the loss and try not to watch as that person you loved goes down their own road to perdition.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Thing is I don't understand why Guy 2 was even at your house. Why was he there? For drinks? That is ridiculous. Especially with your children in the home, inviting a man over who's never been there for drinks. 

If he did assault her though, he deserves to be punished fully.

Good that you have not had sex with her since all this went down. I wouldn't even think about being intimate until you are both tested. 



howcouldshe said:


> Thanks for the insight, I really do want to tell his fiance as you are right if that was me I would want to know, *my wife says we dont need to ruin her life*, .


Telling someone the truth isn't "ruining their life." It's respecting them enough to tell them something the cheater and your wife (also the cheater) are too cowardly to do. Also, not telling helps helps enable their affair, because you are essnetially continuing to keep it a secret which is what an affair is... a betrayal in secret. 

I would tell the fiance and not let your wife or Guy1 know ahead of time. Why? Because it gives them a chance to get their story straight and make YOU sound like the bad guy. Which is ridiculous. 

Somoene please copy/paste the 180s list to the OP. I don't know how to find it.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

howcouldshe said:


> Thanks for the insight, I really do want to tell his fiance as you are right if that was me I would want to know, my wife says we dont need to ruin her life


If you let your wife DICTATE what you should or shouldn't do any more, then you are a fool.

She LOST that right by committing adultery. If you don't take a hard stance on this, RIGHT NOW, she will have 30 more affairs in the next 30 years.

Either YOU call the shots - and let OM's wife know along with other requirements we can help you with - or divorce her.


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

She had an A. with a drug addict-----she brings his abusive cousin into your home, drinks with him, and has sex with him----and I am willing to bet she had some part in the sex, and it wasn't completely the cousins fault

Your own kids are in the house while all this going down----Your wife is not remorseful, and contrite

WHAT MORE DO YOU NEED------Your wife at this moment in time, should not be around your kids---she is toxic as he*l.


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## howcouldshe (Jul 18, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> Thing is I don't understand why Guy 2 was even at your house. Why was he there? For drinks? That is ridiculous. Especially with your children in the home, inviting a man over who's never been there for drinks.
> 
> If he did assault her though, he deserves to be punished fully.
> 
> ...


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

howcouldshe said:


> She supossdly called him as she was worried about the guy she was having an affair with as he was MIA for a week.......


Doesn't add up. She could have asked how Guy 1 was over the telephone, not invited me him over at nighttime in your house with your children there and proceeded to have drinks with them.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

So you are going to call OM's wife? Good to hear!


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Jellybeans said:


> Doesn't add up. She could have asked how Guy 1 was over the telephone, not invited me him over at nighttime in your house with your children there and proceeded to have drinks with them.


 Exactly.

Who is the sucker here?


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## howcouldshe (Jul 18, 2011)

Okay so now it gets better, she has said that she was not going to talk to guy #1 or guy #2. While on June 30th I saw the guy she was having the affair with at the supermarket and I confronted him, he lied staight to my face and said he knew nothing.

While through some creative detective work I have found a text message she sent him at 9:45 that same night saying " sorry about that tonight" meaning my confronting him.

So much for not talking to him anymore, from what I can see he did not reply.

This is another nail in her coffin, but now how do I now tell her I know as I am super hot right now but the way I got the info about the text one might say is skethcy but I am just trying to protect my a$$ and see is she is being straight with me or not.....


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

howcouldshe said:


> This is another nail in her coffin, but now how do I now tell her I know as I am super hot right now but the way I got the info about the text one might say is skethcy but I am just trying to protect my a$$ and see is she is being straight with me or not.....


You should get a lawyer. Don't tell your wife anything yet. Your lawyer will advise you whether you need more evidence for a potential divorce.

If you don't need anything else, then confront away with your evidence. Your wife has no expectation of privacy. She cheated on you. Of course you have every right to verify if she is still lying to you.

If you need more evidence, then put on your happy face and keep digging. Your lawyer will have all the ways you can legally obtain information about your wife's affairs to use in court.

Good luck.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

So she is still in contact--even worse.

What do you want to do?

What does he need evidence for? Most places you can get a divorce with no-fault.


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## howcouldshe (Jul 18, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> So she is still in contact--even worse.
> 
> What do you want to do?
> 
> What does he need evidence for? Most places you can get a divorce with no-fault.


She tells me that he is not an option to leave me for due to the mess that he has. I can tell you I was 60/40 on making it work but now that I found that text I am 100% we are DONE. Technology and words dont lie and I have the print out in front of me clear as day.

I am going to hold back my evidence for right now, the way I got it was somewhat of an invasion but when you cheat you loose all right in my eyes. I know I have an ugly mess in front of me to deal with by I am worth it and my kids are as well...

I am going to continue on calm and collected and going therapy and getting my paperwork in order before anything rash is said or done....stay strong and carry on and cooler heads do prevail.


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## howcouldshe (Jul 18, 2011)

I like a silent and unexpected attack much better than one they see coming. Right now I have been playing the card of we are going to work on things and make it work...or atleast try it. 

Play card seems to have changed today.

I cannot thank all of your for the help and support that you have given me keep it up, you are giving me to strenght and clear vision that I need....

As they say the the academy,
Slow is Smooth and Smooth is Fast


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

howcouldshe said:


> She tells me that he is not an option to leave me for due to the mess that he has.


And that's supposed to make you feel better??? :scratchhead:

She doesn't get to call all the shots and dictate what happens from here on out.


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## howcouldshe (Jul 18, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> And that's supposed to make you feel better??? :scratchhead:
> 
> She doesn't get to call all the shots and dictate what happens from here on out.


You are right 100% saying that does not make me feel better at all, he was good enough to have an affair with.......

You are right about calling the shots, that is my move now, phone calls are being made today and it is not to book a cruise or vacation I can tell you that, the people I am calling have ESQ at the end of their names.....


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

Before you do anything else---go to the bank, and put all marital assets in an acct. with your name ONLY on it---cancel all her credit cards, and any other means of her using marital assets----do not let her waste one penny on her scum--lovers

She is still with her drug addict lover, and she thinks only of him, as you found out when she could think of one thing only, apoligizing to the scum, cuz you confronted him

Also no matter what do not leave your home---in a custody fight her atty., would nail you for abandonment----also tell her since all her thoughts are of her scum lovers---you notice the plural----pack her clothes for her, and tell her to leave----I will tell you one thing---she will change her attitude REAL QUICK, if you do all of the above.---REALITY IS A BIT*H


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Yes! I was just going to say that! Go straight to your bank TODAY and make sure she can't withdraw ANYTHING without your permission! Trust us, we've seen it a million times. 

And never ever leave the home, if you have kids. NEVER until you have a finalized divorce paper. 

And while you're at the bank, go to Radio Shack and buy a voice-activated recorder. Keep it in your shirt pocket every single time you are with her; keep recording. If she finds out what you're doing, you have a 50/50 chance of her calling the police and saying 'I'm afraid of him' and you getting kicked out of the house and having to PAY her to live there. There are several guys here at TAM who experienced that, either by her calling the cops just to remove him or by him confronting the OM.


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

howcouldshe said:


> Please enlighten me as to what this 180 book is.
> 
> Thanks for all your help this is a great website and I look forward to being able to help others as well.


The 180 isn't a book. It refers to changing your pre-affair, or immediately post-affair behavior 180 degrees to the opposite of what got you in this mess to begin with.

You don't beg or bargain to continue the relationship. You take charge of it. There are also threads referring to this as turning down the thermostat. You basically treat your wife the way she deserves to be treated. You don't worry about her, you worry about yourself. If she decides that she wants to be part of your life, that's fine. If not, that's fine too.

It sounds like you're moving toward divorce. But, the 180 can help you move on from your failed marriage and help you in your next relationship.

Good luck.


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## howcouldshe (Jul 18, 2011)

PHTlump said:


> The 180 isn't a book. It refers to changing your pre-affair, or immediately post-affair behavior 180 degrees to the opposite of what got you in this mess to begin with.
> 
> You don't beg or bargain to continue the relationship. You take charge of it. There are also threads referring to this as turning down the thermostat. You basically treat your wife the way she deserves to be treated. You don't worry about her, you worry about yourself. If she decides that she wants to be part of your life, that's fine. If not, that's fine too.
> 
> ...


Maybe I am missing something and hope I am not, she is a cheater and has done alot of damage, Do I treat her like the piece of $hit that she is right now? Do I focus on me and the kids and do what is best for them and me right now.

I can tell you that divorce is on the horizon, you lied to me once and then you send him a message after you say that you wont talk to him........that is after you said you wont talk to him anymore. And the message that she sent him was appoligizing for the me confronting him.......come on. the only prob is right now I cannot confront her to the fact that I know she sent him a text as the way I came to find it out is not completly kosher.........

Any link to a thread about 180? Thanks and sorry if that is a dumb question....


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## Tourchwood (Feb 1, 2011)

you dont need 180
you know what to do, find a way to keep your kids a way from her. go with divorce. and let her enjoy her life with drug addicts. 

she stepped on your manhood second time when she sent the text message.


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

howcouldshe said:


> Maybe I am missing something and hope I am not, she is a cheater and has done alot of damage, Do I treat her like the piece of $hit that she is right now? Do I focus on me and the kids and do what is best for them and me right now.


You don't treat her like crap. You just don't engage. The opposite of love isn't hate. It's apathy.

It's possible that her cheating was a cry for attention. You were ignoring her, so she did something you couldn't ignore. Like a child. By freaking out, yelling, sobbing, etc., you are feeding her attention-seeking behaviors.

By emotionally removing yourself, you are frustrating her efforts. Even if she's not seeking attention, she just wanted to hurt you or just wanted some variety in men, she'll be hurt by you not being hurt.

In this case, the 180 would mean that you just focus on yourself and your kids. The main purpose of the 180 is to allow yourself to focus on you and your kids. Stop putting your wife at the center of all your attention. A side effect of this is that sometimes, a wayward wife (WW) will become very attracted to the betrayed husband, or at least freak out thinking that he can easily move on without her.



howcouldshe said:


> the only prob is right now I cannot confront her to the fact that I know she sent him a text as the way I came to find it out is not completly kosher.........


You should talk to your lawyer about what is and isn't allowed in court. You may be able to legally introduce your proof.



howcouldshe said:


> Any link to a thread about 180? Thanks and sorry if that is a dumb question....


Marriage Builders® Discussion Forums: Divorce busting 180 degree list


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

howcouldshe said:


> Any link to a thread about 180? Thanks and sorry if that is a dumb question....


Here's Divorce busting 180 degree list


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

Say, I have a question: Why isn't the assault guy in jail right now, being passed around like a joint?

Guess she feels she needs to keep things smooth with him, too.


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## howcouldshe (Jul 18, 2011)

F-102 said:


> Say, I have a question: Why isn't the assault guy in jail right now, being passed around like a joint?
> 
> Guess she feels she needs to keep things smooth with him, too.


Good Question, here is how this goes, she claims it was not consentual and who knows what he claims and the police dont share that with you, my wife did tell the police everything as far as her having the affair with the attackers cousion and why she was talking to him.

I have a feeling that these cases are hard to prove as there is some he said she said. Only time will tell if the county prosecuter feels their is enough evidence to move forward.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

What are planning on doing?


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## howcouldshe (Jul 18, 2011)

morituri said:


> What are planning on doing?


That is a tough on that keeps getting bounced back and forth, 2 young kids, but she has lied and severl times so what makes me think she will change........
I think you know which way I am going


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

She said it was not consensual, yet, he still walks free.
If this was my W, I would see to it that she pressed charges...

...unless, as I said before, she felt that she needed to keep things smooth with him.


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## howcouldshe (Jul 18, 2011)

F-102 said:


> She said it was not consensual, yet, he still walks free.
> If this was my W, I would see to it that she pressed charges...
> 
> ...unless, as I said before, she felt that she needed to keep things smooth with him.


From my understanding it is not as easy as one person pressing charges against another, the police will charge him only if the evidence supports it........


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Did she offer up a rape kit? What other evidence IS there?


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## howcouldshe (Jul 18, 2011)

turnera said:


> Did she offer up a rape kit? What other evidence IS there?


Yes she did offer up the rape kit, but here is the real issue it occured on a Wed night into Thur am and she did not go to the hospital until Sat night, any fluid type evidence is typically gone by then and as for internal damage or tearing the nurse said it was the same as seen in rough sex..........

My thought is the kit is going to come up with nothing.

She was reluctent to tell me about the assaullt and I think she was embarassed and it would also expose the affair she was having, which she had claimed had run its course but again who knows the real truth. She also belives that he slipped something in her drink as for 2 days she was sick and could barely get out of bed........


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

Why is there any discussion at all about the 2nd A., IT WAS A ONS---she is doing nothing more than covering her butt---with her drama, and story of unsolicited sex

Bottom line she had the cousin of a drug addict into your home with your kids there, they are drinking-----people do dumb things when they drink----this guy could have ravaged your kids, stole from your home----done who knows what else-----the whole incident is inapropriate----you do not need anything more than her bringing him into your home

You need to delete her from your life, and stop using the kids as an excuse to keep her around----if she cared about her kids she wouldn't have brought a druggie, drunken stranger into YOUR HOME WITH YOUR KIDS PRESENT


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## Tourchwood (Feb 1, 2011)

Sir
I'm sorry to say that, 
1- Slipped something in drink: to me it sounds a cover up story to what really happen, she could atleast visited a doctor and told him/her what happen without getting exposed, suspecting something in drink is a scary.
2- Someone walk into a house and rape someone is a series offense, and that person walk free, then her story if fishy. even if rape took place a year or two years, we have seen people getting convicted after 10 some years.
3- it seems like you are believing her story? make her take Poly test.
4- Seems like the man is not series rapist, or have had felonies before, for a man like that to walk just in a house and rape someone out if the blue is just rare. Unless he had found motivation from the victim or invitation to do so.
5- if there was a fight back or something like, shouldn't your kids waken up by the fight noise?
6- you said the two guys were working on your house, how did you find them?


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## howcouldshe (Jul 18, 2011)

Tourchwood said:


> Sir
> I'm sorry to say that,
> 1- Slipped something in drink: to me it sounds a cover up story to what really happen, she could atleast visited a doctor and told him/her what happen without getting exposed, suspecting something in drink is a scary.
> 2- Someone walk into a house and rape someone is a series offense, and that person walk free, then her story if fishy. even if rape took place a year or two years, we have seen people getting convicted after 10 some years.
> ...


Alot of good points, how does one make/ask another to take a poly graph test?

He was not seen as a typical rapist that breaks in and does it, she invited him over to have drinks on the porch and then she claims he slipped something in her drink and that is why she does not remember. I personally am shocked that the kids did not awake as they get up in the middle of most nights.

Part of me has questioned if something was going on with the allegeded attacker, as twisted as she is I dont think that she would get the police invlved and make those accusations if they were not true that is pretty low. Not that the PA and inviting him over was okay but getting the police there is super low if it is not true.

The big question is how can I use the neglect of safety with the kids to my advantage to get full custody or make out better in the end. 

To me if you want to fool around that is a descision a bad one for sure but dont bring it into the home where it has the potential to affect the saety of the kids and everything else we have worked so hard for. The fact she brought this horrible situation to my front door and with my kids in the back, what was she thinking that is the part that I am having trouble trying to understand.


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

I do not know of a judge who would give her custody. Your w is damaged goods, and you need to get her out of the house and away from the kids before she does something insane, which she has already done.

And what she's thinking: she still wants to keep you around to be the stability, but still wants the two guys around for fun.


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## Tourchwood (Feb 1, 2011)

howcouldshe said:


> Alot of good points, how does one make/ask another to take a poly graph test?
> 
> He was not seen as a typical rapist that breaks in and does it, she invited him over to have drinks on the porch and then she claims he slipped something in her drink and that is why she does not remember. I personally am shocked that the kids did not awake as they get up in the middle of most nights.
> 
> ...


Yes Women in some embarrassing situation or scared situation could make up anything because I seen it on my own eyes to different friend, actually one female used to a best friend of mine cheated and made accusation to my other friend. one thing lead to another and Police got involved.

If he did put something her drink that made her not thinking or forgetting then may be he used some narcotic drug that normally stay in system for 30 days and could be checked by blood test. 

search online for poly test, make an appointment and ask your wife to take it and you be with her. 

but main question, does that make any difference if she was involved in an orgy kinda thing. she already had first physical why second would make different for you


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

howcouldshe said:


> Alot of good points, how does one make/ask another to take a poly graph test?


You're kidding, right? Your wife just admitted to having an affair, and you're afraid to DEMAND - yes, demand - that she take a poly to prove she hasn't had half a dozen affairs?

I thought you were done with her. Who cares how she 'takes' it? Tell her to get one done, or move out. Good grief!


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

How do you make it so you get custody? You get a lawyer.


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## Locard (May 26, 2011)

I would be very concerned about if there really was a rape. It is quite possible it could be a cover to keep something from you.


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

She may have said non-consensual to make herself look innocent.


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## howcouldshe (Jul 18, 2011)

F-102 said:


> I do not know of a judge who would give her custody. Your w is damaged goods, and you need to get her out of the house and away from the kids before she does something insane, which she has already done.
> 
> And what she's thinking: she still wants to keep you around to be the stability, but still wants the two guys around for fun.



The custody will be a interesting battle I am seeking legal advise next week and from there we will see what I am told.
I can tell you I plan to fight for full custody......
All I can do is ask and try.and at the very least I will do that.


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