# I'm at my witts end!!



## camt76 (Nov 12, 2011)

My husband and I have been together for 17 years. We have 2 children and he doesnt want anymore. Since the birth of our second child 5 years ago, we have only had intercourse about 30 times. He avoids it so there is no chance of me getting pregnant. He wants me to get my tubes tied. I am not the one who is against me getting pregnant again. He is but yet he WILL NOT get a vasectomy. He went to a urologist 3 years ago to discuss the procedure and had a breakdown and left. But he wants me to undergo another procedure (I had 2 c-sections). I had a mini stroke in 2008 after attempting the pill and I have an allergic reaction to condoms. He blames me for our sexless marriage. He would rather me give him a handjob everyday. Well that does NOTHING for me! I have needs too that are not at all met! I really dont know if I want this to continue, I am at my witts end!!


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Ugh. What is his problem with the big V? It was so quick for my husband...about 20 minutes total, some drugs, some frozen peas and he was back to work 3 days later.  

I wouldn't get my tubes tied because I have major female issues and don't need any more. 

Of course you have needs as well! He wants a handjob, but does he give you one too? Wtf?


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## camt76 (Nov 12, 2011)

he says his problem with a vasectomy is possible ED and prostate cancer. But its ok for me to have every side effect under the sun after having my tubes tied. Its [email protected]!!! And no he never offers to pleasure me back!


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## Janie (Apr 10, 2010)

Birth control - when used properly - is quite effective.

Catholic?


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Prostate cancer from a V?  My granpa didn't have a V, but died from prostate cancer. 

And ED can happen from anything. My husband has not had any ED caused by the V. His usually comes from too much drinking or horrible stress.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

I'm allergic to condoms too, so we use the SKYN non latex condoms.

Although, my hubby IS getting the big V next month. It took him 8 years to do this. He made prior appts for this, but they ended up bad timing. I really believe it's easier for the man to have the procedure. It's a bit selfish of your hubby not willing to go through with it. I'm really sorry he is chickening out. Your health should come first!

I'm a little sad knowing that this is it, but I have a spine injury and I'm getting too old for more children. We have 2 together and I have 1 from a previous marriage.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## camt76 (Nov 12, 2011)

I am unable to take birthcontrol and have any thing inserted into my body such as norplant or merena due to the fact that I suffered a stroke in 2008 from taking the pill. I do believe we tried the SKYN and I still had a reaction and I think they were made in India. I personally do not trust a condom made in India!! And no I am not Catholic!! There was research that linked a vasectomy to prostate cancer, ED and altzimers (sp?). Once he read that article he said NOWAY! He has already battled cancer at age 40 and has had that removed several times and i guess he doesnt want to go thru anything else either. He is holding off hoping I start menopause soon!


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Well, you can always chart your ovulation and avoid him the week before and day after.

I did that for years (with a serious bf) and never got pregnant.


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## camt76 (Nov 12, 2011)

Oh and the Norplant was pulled from the US market! So qbviously it wasnt safe and Norplant II is not available here.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

It took me about 4 months of consistent charting before I knew my schedule and how my ovulation felt. Good luck!


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## camt76 (Nov 12, 2011)

He thinks I ovulate 28 days out of the month, lol, really he does. The sad part is it took us 4 yrs to concieve our first child and 7 to concieve our 2nd. I AM NOT a fertile person!! He's just f-ed up in the head!! lol


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Oh dang 

Well, I'm sorry then...I guess he just uses all these as excuses not to have sex. I don't say that to be rude, but wow. I'm sorry he's so stubborn about this.


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## camt76 (Nov 12, 2011)

I know its crazy!!! I just feel like hitting my head against the wall sometimes lol!! I'm just tired of it all!!


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## Lydia (Sep 4, 2011)

Nuvaring? IUD? Diaphragm even? Maybe consult with a gyno and they can go over your options more in depth?

It is totally unfair for your H not to get a V since it's his issue, however, you have to pick your battles.

We use rhythm method and spermicide (mixed with pulling out, which I know is *technically* not effective but gives us peace of mind if there's a day or two we aren't FOR SURE) and haven't had an accidental pregnancy yet (in 6 years). I chart my cycles and temp every morning and it's pretty accurate, but I have a very regular cycle. My H has done research on it too so when I chart in the mornings, he can look for himself and see what's going on and I think it makes him feel more confident that an accident is unlikely.


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## romantic_guy (Nov 8, 2011)

ED and prostate cancer from a vasectomy?? Those early theories have been refuted. I had mine done 20 years ago...no ED here!


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## TallJeff (Nov 1, 2011)

The prostate still works just fine after a vasectomy. In fact everything you ejaculate after a vasectomy comes from the prostate, no longer the testicles. So there is no truth to that.

Your husband is just making excuses. But that fact is that birth control is very reliable. If he isn't having any sex at all, I would think his issue go deeper than just wanting to have no chance of pregnancy. That's the problem you need to solve first.


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## Parrot_head (Sep 28, 2011)

I was only 26 when I had a V done, I never even thought twice about having my wife tie her tubes..

Its been 16 yrs and I am more horny now then when in my 20's 

It feel exactly like it always did.. NO ED ever , and I am overweight and on BP meds..


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## toolate (Sep 22, 2009)

Sounds like your husband already has ED in that he wont get it up with you!

HIm blaming you for all this is a more serious personal issue for him... only selfish people blame everyone else. I hope you are not giving him anymore handjobs! No Vasectomy, no handjobs! 

Tell him you want to have sex and there are medical reasons you cant go through a surgery and for him there is only fear stopping him. 

Have you considered Essure? Its tubal blockage without surgery... Im considering.


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## Trying2figureitout (Feb 3, 2011)

Vasectomies are no big deal once you get past the smoke smell of the doctor cauterizing your vas deferins that is a little disconcerting to say the least. Plus you walk like John Wayne for a week. Other than that its been great not to worry.

Once in a while you get a slight pain that subsides... better than what a woman goes through. Tell you H to quit being a baby.

Tel him no sex until he gets snipped!


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