# Lost



## Aguyinneed (Apr 29, 2014)

Hello, in advance- tldr cliffs at bottom

Backstory-
Met my wife in 07 at a camp we worked at. We were dating and hooking up for the summer. We lived in different states and each moved back home after the summer. We stayed in touch, she had a boyfriend (we were broken up this is fine).

In 08 I moved to be closer to her and we got back together, no she didn't leave her bf for me they had split before I moved.
We dated in 08, and got engaged in early 09 and then in 09 bought a house together in august or so. 

In October she was hanging out with another guy, but denies any sexual activity- if nothing else it was an emotional relationship for a few weeks. In nov 09 we found out she was pregnant and married in November 09. Our daughter was born in July of 10. Things were good for most of the year and then I returned to school in the summer of 11. She cheated on me with a mutual acquaintance, and I found the messages between them after which she eventually admitted. 

She claimed to cut it off but did occasionally still write to him. I continued working and going to school. In November or December 2011 she began dating another guy and was with him (without me knowing) for about 8 months. This time I found videos of them, and only then did she admit. In September 2012 she essentially cheated on him/me with two guys at a strip club, and again denied until I showed her the video. Then claimed she was drunk.

She eventually stopped talking to her then bf and I found a vid of her naked in a shower with another guy, she said it was just dancing.
Now in 2014, she had moved out and I filed for divorce. I am finished with school in a few weeks. And now after being apart for about 5 months, still talking and divorce not finalized, she is begging for me back. 
She says she will be perfect and open about anything and will be the "woman I deserve." 
She has had male friends, who I've heard through others have slept with her but she denies this, and she has recently sent nude pics to at least one guy but claims it was accidental.

Cliffs: married since 09, 3 yr old daughter, wife's cheated with multiple guys and only admits when it's proven. Now is begging for me back.

At what point do I walk away? Or is there a reason to try again? 
Can a person change that much?


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## Regret214 (Apr 22, 2012)

You should've walked away in '09 _before_ you got married.

No reason to try again.

She will never change except to get worse.


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

Aguyinneed said:


> At what point do I walk away?


Yesterday


Aguyinneed said:


> Or is there a reason to try again?


No one


Aguyinneed said:


> Can a person change that much?


She won't.


Man, there's no way back. You managed to split and file, you started to move on. Why the hell are you even contemplating to reattach to this train wreck?


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## harrybrown (May 22, 2013)

Keep going for the divorce. 

Run! just dancing? If you were taking a shower with a nude woman, only dancing occurred? No way and not with her history.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Aguyinneed said:


> Hello, in advance- tldr cliffs at bottom
> 
> Backstory-
> Met my wife in 07 at a camp we worked at. We were dating and hooking up for the summer. We lived in different states and each moved back home after the summer. We stayed in touch, she had a boyfriend (we were broken up this is fine).
> ...


Yeah, suuuuure they did. Given everything that you know about her now, do you really believe this?



Aguyinneed said:


> We dated in 08, and got engaged in early 09 and then in 09 bought a house together in august or so.
> 
> In October she was hanging out with another guy, but denies any sexual activity- if nothing else it was an emotional relationship for a few weeks. In nov 09 we found out she was pregnant and married in November 09. Our daughter was born in July of 10. Things were good for most of the year and then I returned to school in the summer of 11. She cheated on me with a mutual acquaintance, and I found the messages between them after which she eventually admitted.
> 
> ...


Wow. She sounds like a real keeper. And about the pics… Why take them at all if she didn’t intend to send them to someone? LOL



Aguyinneed said:


> Cliffs: married since 09, 3 yr old daughter, wife's cheated with multiple guys and only admits when it's proven. Now is begging for me back.
> 
> At what point do I walk away?


I’d say roughly October 2008. But since we don’t have Doc Brown’s DeLorean handy, I’d say *right now.*



Aguyinneed said:


> Or is there a reason to try again?


Noooooooooo



Aguyinneed said:


> Can a person change that much?


It would seem so very highly unlikely that I’m gonna just go ahead and say, “No”.

Also, given this…



Aguyinneed said:


> In October she was hanging out with another guy…
> 
> blah blah blah
> 
> ...


Seriously, you might want to DNA your kid, as she may not be "yours" (biologically) at all.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

She is a serial cheater and completely amoral. Why on earth are you even asking if you should take her back ?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## indiecat (Sep 24, 2012)

She's had multiple affairs, dirty pictures, lies, and she has a child at home!

Could there be any more red flags that she is unstable, untrustworthy and impulse driven? 

Please do your daughter and yourself a favor and cut her loose. This is a ticket to crazyland, and not to mention hepatitis/syphilis/herpes land. It's disgusting. 

She'll use you as a safe zone, because you have put up with it before. Don't live with such a person.

She may sweet talk you but she has something very wrong with her moral compass. She'll keep humiliating you if you don't end this farce.


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## Aguyinneed (Apr 29, 2014)

That's pretty much what I thought...if it was for our kid I would have left long ago. (Found out after she was very preg about the first guy)


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

Hell to the no. It is not worth it.


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## Aguyinneed (Apr 29, 2014)

Her claim is that since the guys at the club she hasn't done anything... Just wanted to know if anyone had experienced anything that crazy and it had worked. 
I had searched and found a lot of stories about cheaters but hadn't found one that bad. 
Thanks y'all


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

So you meet her at camp. Is it called the Dharma Initiative?

You meet your wife. Let's call her "Kate". She is dating this guy "Jack" but hooks up with you "Sawyer"' she finds her way back home, starts dating "Sayid". You move there, plant your seed in her "Aaron" and marry her, like "Jin and Sun"

Then she sleeps with "Charlie" "Locke" "Desmond" and "Ben" spreading her legs going through guys like "Hurley" going through a bucket of chicken.

I would make like a polar bear and get the hell off that island.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

"The woman you deserve?"

That's not her


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

PhillyGuy13 said:


> So you meet her at camp. Is it called the Dharma Initiative?
> 
> You meet your wife. Let's call her "Kate". She is dating this guy "Jack" but hooks up with you "Sawyer"' she finds her way back home, starts dating "Sayid". You move there, plant your seed in her "Aaron" and marry her, like "Jin and Sun"
> 
> ...


Wait a second.... Is her cell phone number 481-516-2342 by chance? I think I got one of her "accidental" nude pics sent to my phone too.


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## bryanp (Aug 25, 2011)

Are you out of your mind?

1. Get your child DNA tested.
2. Your wife is a serial cheated and has constantly
put your health at risk for STD's.
3. See a lawyer immediately.

You wife clearly has perceived you as a fool who will believe anything she says. If you remain with her that she was correct.

How much more humiliation and disrespect are you willing to endure? If you do not respect yourself then who will?

I suggest that you contact a therapist to understand why you feel you deserve such abuse.


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## GROUNDPOUNDER (Mar 8, 2013)

This womans had more rods in her than a nuclear reactor. Get the hell out'a dodge before she has a meltdown, gives you an STD, or gets pregnent from another guy(again???).

The jury is still out on whether you are bio-father of your kid. You do realize this, right?


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

DNA


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## Philat (Sep 12, 2013)

Amputate this toxic limb ASAP.

Just curious, if you are apart how did you find out she recently sent nude pics to some guy?


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## Aguyinneed (Apr 29, 2014)

She sent it via snapchat, and I can see her top friends so I contacted her top friend and he told me and then sent the pic


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## Graywolf2 (Nov 10, 2013)

Machiavelli said:


> DNA


Buy a kit at WalMart for about $30. Swab the inside of the kid's and your cheek with a Q-tip. Mail the kit to a lab with $130 more.


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## Aguyinneed (Apr 29, 2014)

U know what the kits called?


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## Differentguy (Oct 3, 2013)

Aguyinneed said:


> Her claim is that since the guys at the club she hasn't done anything... Just wanted to know if anyone had experienced anything that crazy and it had worked.
> I had searched and found a lot of stories about cheaters but hadn't found one that bad.
> Thanks y'all


Mines pretty damn bad. I think they are all bad.


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## Differentguy (Oct 3, 2013)

Aguyinneed said:


> U know what the kits called?


Identigene DNA Paternity Test Kit - Walmart.com

Here's one from Walmart.


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## Aguyinneed (Apr 29, 2014)

Differentguy said:


> Mines pretty damn bad. I think they are all bad.


This is true. Hurts most when it's your own right lol.
Do appreciate the responses. Very consistent


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

I am sorry about all of your turmoil Guy, but i have to ask and please be honest with yourself, can you actually see yourself doing this investigating and uncovering for the rest of your life if you have her in your life as a wife...isn't it time to stop wasting all your energy on her antics and start living a life for you and your daughter...


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## thummper (Dec 19, 2013)

I'm afraid you've got a real lemon, my friend. She's never going to be able to be happy with one man. If you stay with her she will stamp on your heart regularly and vigorously until the hatred you feel for her drives you away. Normally I don't counsel divorce except in the worst of situations, and, brother, THIS is one of those situations! She's damaged goods and not going to change. Leave now before you waste more of your life trying to fix the unfixable. Good luck!


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

Aguyinneed said:


> and will be the "woman I deserve."


You must have done something really bad, died and gone to hell if that's the case.


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## Regret214 (Apr 22, 2012)

It's like slow pitch softball today.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Want2babettrme (May 17, 2013)

harrybrown said:


> Keep going for the divorce.
> 
> Run! just dancing? If you were taking a shower with a nude woman, only dancing occurred? No way and not with her history.


Maybe she was *POLE* dancing.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Aguyinneed said:


> Her claim is that since the guys at the club she hasn't done anything... Just wanted to know if anyone had experienced anything that crazy and it had worked.
> I had searched and found a lot of stories about cheaters but hadn't found one that bad.
> Thanks y'all


You realize how f*cked up this line of argument is ? That she would try to use this as something positive to keep the marriage together shows how bad the situation is. Imagine the stuff you did not find out yet.

What is her financial situation like ? Does she need you ?

Regardless, she is unfit for relationships.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Aguyinneed said:


> She sent it via snapchat, and I can see her top friends so I contacted her top friend and he told me and then sent the pic


I have a feeling that you barely tried before you found most of your evidence..

What if you really tried ?


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

warlock07 said:


> Regardless, she is unfit for relationships.


Come on dude, that's a bit harsh. She probably has great relationships w/ a ton of folks down at "the clinic".


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## Aguyinneed (Apr 29, 2014)

warlock07 said:


> What is her financial situation like ? Does she you?.


She has no job, I'm employed full time and just finished school to make 4 bucks more an hour. I'm not rich, barely middle class if that but I can guarantee that with my type of job I will always have a job. Yes guarantee. 
And I am going to push on and go to med school so broke for now but within 10 yrs will be making quite a bit more.

Not sure if her motives are financial or not but they very we'll may be


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## Aguyinneed (Apr 29, 2014)

warlock07 said:


> I have a feeling that you barely tried before you found most of your evidence..
> 
> What if you really tried ?


I mean I dug a little but yea not much- it pretty much fell into my lap


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## indiecat (Sep 24, 2012)

As a therapist said, you need to address some self esteem issues if you would allow yourself to be treated in such a foul manner. 

Self respect. Priceless. 

Plenty of decent women out there who aren't immoral.


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## RWB (Feb 6, 2010)

PhillyGuy13 said:


> So you meet her at camp. Is it called the Dharma Initiative?
> 
> You meet your wife. Let's call her "Kate". She is dating this guy "Jack" but hooks up with you "Sawyer"' she finds her way back home, starts dating "Sayid". You move there, plant your seed in her "Aaron" and marry her, like "Jin and Sun"
> 
> ...


I know this a serious place... /\ makes me smile...


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

I am a little confused about the videos. I read your posts and there seems to be at least two. How were these "sessions" recorded? How did they get recorded in the shower?

And your comment that your wife cheated on "me/him", is quite alarming, in that you are saying she was cheating on you and then cheated on you and her BF with someone else. 

Do the 180 hard. Talk only about your child and finances and cut her out of your life.


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

Aguyinneed said:


> She has no job, I'm employed full time and just finished school to make 4 bucks more an hour. I'm not rich, barely middle class if that but I can guarantee that with my type of job I will always have a job. Yes guarantee.
> And I am going to push on and go to med school so broke for now but within 10 yrs will be making quite a bit more.
> 
> Not sure if her motives are financial or not but they very we'll may be


And when you are in Med school for about 4 years that will be followed by 3 to 7 years of residency and 1 to 3 years more if you become a Fellow.

I almost went this route but decided on theology.

If you think your marriage is bad now and it is very bad. If you take this woman back, I will guarantee that when you are studying long hours and working long hours during your Residency there will little time for family.

Your STBEW needs to move from "STBEX" to "EX".


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

RWB said:


> I know this a serious place... /\ makes me smile...


She's been with so many dudes I ran out of characters. I guess there was the dog too. 

More to come from OP I'm sure.


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## Aguyinneed (Apr 29, 2014)

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Aguyinneed (Apr 29, 2014)

Do anyone still reading. I swung by her house this morning, just to see. 
She swears she will be perfect...

Her guy was walking out of garage, he had just pulled his car out and was leaving. At 0630.
I either have the best timing ever, or God is literally telling me it's ok to let to.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

Aguyinneed said:


> I mean I dug a little but yea not much- it pretty much fell into my lap


Imagine what you would find if you dug into it...


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

Aguyinneed said:


> Do anyone still reading. I swung by her house this morning, just to see.
> She swears she will be perfect...
> 
> Her guy was walking out of garage, he had just pulled his car out and was leaving. At 0630.
> ...


And? What did you do next?


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## barbados (Aug 30, 2012)

Don't know how many ways people can tell you the same thing :

DIVORCE & DNA TEST ASAP !!!!


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## WhiteRaven (Feb 24, 2014)

Aguyinneed said:


> Hello, in advance- tldr cliffs at bottom
> 
> Backstory-
> Met my wife in 07 at a camp we worked at. We were dating and hooking up for the summer. We lived in different states and each moved back home after the summer. We stayed in touch, she had a boyfriend (we were broken up this is fine).
> ...


You are still with her? Sheesh...


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Aguyinneed said:


> Do anyone still reading. I swung by her house this morning, just to see.
> She swears she will be perfect...
> 
> Her guy was walking out of garage, he had just pulled his car out and was leaving. At 0630.
> ...


A massive flood hit a small town near the Mississippi River. One levy in the river had broke, causing the flooding to occur while another levy was predicted to break in the hour.

A man who owned a house along the river stood on the roof of his house as water had engulfed the rest of it. Water levels were slowly rising. A rescue boat came to save the man from his house. The boat approached and the rescuers told the man another levy was about to break and the water would move over his house, sweeping him away to his drowning death. The man told the rescuers he did not need help because he believed in God and that God would save him. Twenty minutes later, the rescuers returned, trying to help the man escape. Once again, the man waved off the rescuers saying that God would save him. Ten minutes afterwards, the rescuers returned again, saying it would be the last time they could return because the levy was about to break. They asked him one last time to get on the rescue boat. He said once again that he believes in God and God would save him from the levy should it break. A few minutes after the rescuers left, the levy broke and the rushing waters engulfed the house, carrying away the man to his drowning death.

When the man reached the Heavens, he stood at the gates to enter. He told the men at the gates that he wanted to see God. When he saw God, he asked, "What happened? I thought you were going to save me? Why didn't you save me?" God replied, "I did try to save you. I sent the boat three times."


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## WhiteRaven (Feb 24, 2014)

DNA the kid. I sincerely hope it's not yours. Being a co-parent with someone like her would be so f*cked up, provided you got the balls to leave..


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## Aguyinneed (Apr 29, 2014)

Plan 9 from OS said:


> And? What did you do next?


I drove off...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Aguyinneed (Apr 29, 2014)

warlock07 said:


> A massive flood hit a small town near the Mississippi River. One levy in the river had broke, causing the flooding to occur while another levy was predicted to break in the hour.
> 
> A man who owned a house along the river stood on the roof of his house as water had engulfed the rest of it. Water levels were slowly rising. A rescue boat came to save the man from his house. The boat approached and the rescuers told the man another levy was about to break and the water would move over his house, sweeping him away to his drowning death. The man told the rescuers he did not need help because he believed in God and that God would save him. Twenty minutes later, the rescuers returned, trying to help the man escape. Once again, the man waved off the rescuers saying that God would save him. Ten minutes afterwards, the rescuers returned again, saying it would be the last time they could return because the levy was about to break. They asked him one last time to get on the rescue boat. He said once again that he believes in God and God would save him from the levy should it break. A few minutes after the rescuers left, the levy broke and the rushing waters engulfed the house, carrying away the man to his drowning death.
> 
> When the man reached the Heavens, he stood at the gates to enter. He told the men at the gates that he wanted to see God. When he saw God, he asked, "What happened? I thought you were going to save me? Why didn't you save me?" God replied, "I did try to save you. I sent the boat three times."




This sums up how I feel. But tonight I drive by as she asked earlier in the day. Guy was there again. I think that was the last boat. My bad God, I'll man the oars
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

8 days ago you were advised by many posters here to DNA test your kid. Have you begun that process?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

I can see some men R after one affair.

I lost count of the number of affairs of your wife.

Come one. You KNOW the answer to this one!

And uh isnt the timing of your first kid kind of suspect for you being the father?


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## hawx20 (Jan 10, 2013)

I can see people forgiving one time. Multiple times is a pattern. A pattern is your personality and decision making. Hers is a serial cheater. Its what she is and its what she does.


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## bryanp (Aug 25, 2011)

1. Get tested for STD's
2. See a lawyer.

How many times are willing to played a fool by your wife? She has no respect for you at all. If you do not respect yourself then who will?


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## Aguyinneed (Apr 29, 2014)

PhillyGuy13 said:


> 8 days ago you were advised by many posters here to DNA test your kid. Have you begun that process?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I have the kit haven't don't it yet. Will soon though


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## See_Listen_Love (Jun 28, 2012)

I'm sorry for you, but it looks like she is nymphomaniac.

She can't help it. But you neither. You will have to let her go.

Edit:

Nah.. for the sake of the kid: If it is yours, make sure you get the kid. It is irresponsible to let her have children. I do not see how she could change, maybe she herself could make that clear to you, or to us. The kid deserves a chance, so maybe try one last time.


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

See_Listen_Love said:


> Nah.. for the sake of the kid: If it is yours, make sure you get the kid. It is irresponsible to let her have children. I do not see how she could change, maybe she herself could make that clear to you, or to us. The kid deserves a chance, so maybe try one last time.


Sure, one last time. We know there are some guys she hasn't slept with. For instance I know I've never slept with her. And I'm a guy. So she isn't all bad.

None of this appears to be a priority for OP anyway, so why should we care. Time to get off the island.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Aguyinneed (Apr 29, 2014)

Thought I'd update this. Divorce still ongoing. Have set up temporary orders but she is wanting most of the time. 
Not really sure exactly how much I'll get but right now I'm getting between 30-40% depending on the week,


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## mahike (Aug 16, 2011)

Sorry you are going through this stuff, you joined a club no body wants to be a member of.

Get the DNA test done, but I am betting you are pretty attached to that little one and It would not matter to you one way or the other but you should know


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