# What about Bob?



## jmcast (Feb 27, 2013)

Here is another incident that is also currently going on and I need to know if I should tell him...

I had a friend lets call him Bob....yes a male friend....a friend is all he has ever been...no sexual relationship...I'm not even the slight bit attracted to him....Well, I'm no longer friends with him and I just had to tell him this very morning to pretty much stop talking to me....I was friends with bob for over a decade...
Well, My Husband was a friend of his too and was friends with him for a couple years prior to us getting together...So Bob was the one that introduced us....After my husband and I got together he told me that Bob always had stonger feeling for me than friends but bob knew that it would never happen....and during the first 6 months of the relationship we were all fine being friends, until bob asked if i wanted to go play darts with him....Bob and I on occasion go out to play dart tournaments and the bar....I said I couldn't because of My husbands and I agreement to not go to the bars without each other and he was out of town working.......I told my husband that bob came by the house and asked me to go out and He totally flipped his lid telling me that bob shouldnt have asked me to go play darts and that he wasnt a good friend to him for doing that....well... I hadn't talked to much to bob much anymore and my husband no longer wished for bob to be apart of his life....and within the last couple of months Bob has stopped by my work just to say hi...this morning he was needing a $20 loan for some part for his vehicle....Thats when I had to tell him that My husband doesn't want him to be coming to my work and if bob did he would kick his butt...So I ended a 12 yr Friendship this morning with Bob....Now I'm asking should I let my husband know that Bob came to my work today? Cuz I know if I tell him that I seen Bob morning and he was asking for a loan...My husband will go off the rails and I really dont like to upset him....even though I told Bob to never come back to my work again....I also feel kinda bad that I just lost a long standing friend


----------



## jmcast (Feb 27, 2013)

i will most likely tell him, but is it necessary....?


----------



## CalBanker (Oct 8, 2013)

jmcast said:


> i will most likely tell him, but is it necessary....?


I think I would definitely tell your husband that bob stopped by. Better to come from your mouth than possibly from someone else. Bob is bringing this on himself if he keeps pushing the limits.


----------



## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

Sounds like you've already handled things by telling Bob to stay away. I don't see a need to get your husband riled up at this point....unless Bob doesn't respect your wishes and keeps coming around. At that point, yes, get your husband involved.


----------



## Unique Username (Jul 6, 2013)

Seriously?

Lady - you must just love drama and the attention it brings.

And that isn't good. 

Stop driving your husband crazy. It isn't right.
You KNOW it isn't right.

Don't stir the shyt!


Either this - or you are just trying to rile everyone up in TAM.

Whatever - how about grow up and start acting like a married grown woman. 
Quit giving your husband reason to be angry and distrust you.

Last bit of advice I'll give you. 

And to think I was on your side in the jealous, isolating thread.

It truly isn't funny to toy with other people's emotions as you are.

All your antics are as if you are a teenager...are you?


----------



## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

Bob!!!


----------



## Dad&Hubby (Aug 14, 2012)

Tell your husband. Tell him you handled it.

Also, 99.9% of men who are "friends" with women, it's because they want more than friendship. Period.


----------



## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

Dad&Hubby said:


> Tell your husband. Tell him you handled it.
> 
> Also, 99.9% of men who are "friends" with women, it's because they want more than friendship. Period.


And the other % are "on the other team".


----------



## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

I miss Bob already.


----------



## Theseus (Feb 22, 2013)

jmcast said:


> Now I'm asking should I let my husband know that Bob came to my work today? Cuz I know if I tell him that I seen Bob morning and he was asking for a loan...My husband will go off the rails and I really dont like to upset him....even though I told Bob to never come back to my work again


Go ahead and tell him. If he finds out otherwise, he will get more upset. 

Anyway, if he "goes off the rails", that's his problem. You didn't do anything wrong. The bigger problem is if you are going to accept being being continually isolated from all your friends and family or not.


----------



## Theseus (Feb 22, 2013)

Unique Username said:


> Stop driving your husband crazy. It isn't right.
> You KNOW it isn't right.
> 
> Don't stir the shyt!
> ...


You and I must be reading two different threads entirely. She's not having an affair with this guy and told him to stay away. So where in this situation is she "giving her husband reason to be angry"?

Her husband is starting to act like a jealous psycho, she can't even see her own mother sometimes. He will find reasons to be jealous no matter what she does.


----------



## questar1 (Aug 4, 2011)

I agree that there is an element of poke-and-provoke drama incitement going on somewhere here. 

You've got enough issues to take to MC. That's my recommendation at this point.


----------



## Unique Username (Jul 6, 2013)

It's all the threads. And the poor decisions.

After YOU (Theseus) pointed out the other thread - I read it and the others.

I now feel she is baiting HIM and maybe thriving on the controversy and attention from the other men

If I am wrong - I apologize.


----------



## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

Unique Username said:


> Seriously?
> 
> Lady - you must just love drama and the attention it brings.
> 
> ...


I don't see that at all. I read her other posts. Sounds like if anything, her husband is controlling and rather immature and she's afraid to tell him things like this because he doesn't respond appropriately.



Unique Username said:


> All your antics are as if you are a teenager...are you?


They're both teenagers, it's obvious.


----------



## scatty (Mar 15, 2013)

I would tell husband that BOOB, I mean BOB, is not respecting the relationship boundaries you two should have in place. 

If your husband is controlling and unreasonable, demand counseling. It is not controlling to want to get rid of BOOB (aka BOB), IMO. I haven't read any of your other threads, so that is my advice based on what you wrote right here.


----------



## KathyBatesel (Apr 26, 2012)

jmcast said:


> i will most likely tell him, but is it necessary....?


YES!!! 

It's up to HIM to manage his relationship with Bob. You need to manage your relationship with your husband. 

Plan your approach if you're worried about his reaction. Don't hit him with the news the moment he walks in the door. Instead, tell him that you have news for him later when he's had a chance to relax. When you know he IS relaxed, tell him that you have some news that might upset him, but you hope that he will be proud of how you handled it. Let him know that he comes first in your life, and that's why when Bob stopped by, you ended your friendship with him. 

Your husband has plenty of reason to suspect Bob's motives. Is this the same friend you secretly arranged to do work for previously? It seriously sounds like he's being incredibly disrespectful to your husband and to your marriage. You don't sound like you're being loyal either. You are making yourself sound weak and unable to make a decision for yourself. You "can't" go to bars because of your husband. You "can't" be friends because of your husband. 

Your husband's jealousy and controlling behaviors are starting to look like a natural response to what YOU... not Bob... are putting him through.

When my husband and I got serious, there was a guy who texted me a lot. My husband's not the jealous type, but this guy was disrespecting our relationship and my husband felt annoyed. I didn't tell him, "because my husband said so." In fact, my husband never made any requests, but I said, "I don't want you to text or contact me any longer because you are not a friend of my relationship." I made the decision and I took responsibility for being true to my relationship. I didn't wait to be told what to do or to get forced into a choice. My husband, in turn, saw an example of how I am trustworthy.


----------



## jmcast (Feb 27, 2013)

Thats really funny....thanks for understand....


----------



## jmcast (Feb 27, 2013)

No I told him him almost right away and he understood and wasnt upset with me....things here went well...


----------



## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

JMCast, this is the third thread of yours that I am responding to 

You handled this very well. FWIW Bob was probably trying to get closer to you (cannot blame him if he is in love with you) and your husband was right to try and keep him away. I think that is the end of the matter and in view of this nothing more need be said about the matter.

However on a more general note and as I have said in my other responses to your thread posts, your husband appears to have issues and you need to look into this asap.


----------



## jmcast (Feb 27, 2013)

I am about to demand counseling.....he is making be become a bit bitter with him especially today....which i am going to state in my remembering thread, cuz today is that day and hes is very mad at me today...read what i wrote and tell me if this was such a bad thing and its would give him reason to be so mad at me.....


----------



## thunderstruck (May 9, 2012)

jmcast said:


> ..this morning he was needing a $20 loan for some part for his vehicle....


What an awesome BS excuse by the Bobster. $20? He could earn it. He could ask a family member. He could ask a male friend, but no, he throws that lie out so that he get some time in with the wife of the former friend who is ready to kick his OM azz.

Guy is a FN c*ckroach. Agree with the others that you should tell your H, and tell him that you handled it.


----------

