# filing for divorce and not sure how i feel



## bussunda100 (Mar 6, 2012)

My 8 years relationship (3 married) with my wife is over.
at beginning of February she officially told me...
Our marriage was never a dreamy one, no big wedding party, no dresses etc. just the registration and a lunch with both families.

We liked and loved each other...and got along very well at each others company but it didn't work for us in the long run. we almost never argued and respected one another but there was lots of uncertainty to whether we would work as husband and wife with a baby etc...we opted to be cautious in the start, not going fast for a baby like many couples. maybe if we did have a baby we would be together or maybe it would just make the divorce worst (i think worst actually)

From time to time I considered secretly in my mind divorce. imagining how my single life would be, the fun i was missing so when she broke the news to me part of me wasnt necessarily sad actually but glad i would be a free single man.

now after 2 months we are filling all paperwork, we barely talk, she avoided most communication after telling me she wanted out. I played and still play proud and frankly like i said, part of me always wished the wedding to be over but now i'm suffering facing the reality of it. I think she acted cold in the end. she had that in her mind for sometime and she hid this from me until very last minute she was absolutely sure or made a decision. this is my only complain, even when having doubts in my head, i chose to stick and fight for the relationship. she just coldly decided on her side and told me and pretty much shut communication.

I never cheated her, she never cheated too. i treated her kindly and affectionately. even now on divorce we are not at war with each other or angry...but part of me is sad and sometimes I wish she was by my side...that makes me sad but it goes away, not major drama. I think what pisses me more is this disruption in my life, a life i got used to play the role of husband.
the tranquility it gave me being a hubbie is a kind of a nice feeling.

I guess now focusing on my work, i will get my dating life back on track soon and i will totally forget her. i hope. i just dont want drama in my life. part of me wonder if we will come back, ever, weird how when i was married i wanted divorce and now that im divorced im not so sure anymore i wanted to end my marriage...i guess time will tell...scary feeling now. 

endless possibilities are always exciting but frightening too. things might get better or worse...i may never find a nice woman that likes me again or i may find someone "better". 

I just care for her, i hope she is okay now , alone and going trough this. I bet she is doing okay. I am doing okay i guess... i miss her presence i guess...the good things...and even some bad things too *lol*
life is not easy, it plays tricks sometimes. we move on. we must. life moves on.


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## Stretch (Dec 12, 2012)

I think you need to keep moving in the direction you are going but seriously start to worry if you are OK and not concern yourself with your STBXW. 

You will see it here over and over because it the only strategy that works for everyone, the 180. It is the only chance of R if that is what you want but MOST importantly it is about you working on you.

Best of luck,
Stretch


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## bussunda100 (Mar 6, 2012)

Hey Stretch,

thanks a lot for the feedback. It is very important for me to get feedback from TAM community to share experiences.

I hope I am indeed going to the right direction but it is very hard now as my divorce is very fresh (only 2 months). When I~m working, busy is fine I can distract my mind from her but sometimes I wish things happened differently...

Also Im very insecure about my relationship future and who i might meet (or not meet). I feel a bit depreciated and low self esteem although not so bad a little lower than normal.

But I guess as time goes by and I meet new people I tend to be less nostalgic about the past.


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## bussunda100 (Mar 6, 2012)

Also for me one of the worst times (when I feel anxious) is when I see wedding rings on peoples hands. 
Im talking to someone about something, work etc... and if that person makes a hand gesture and flashes her or his ring to me I feel like a bit sad honestly inside.

It reminds me of my failed marriage, or her, rejection, of all that crap im going through, sort of a can of worms opener. I need to work on this. 

It gets also similar when I also see shiny happy couples waking past me in the streets...broken utopia sort of turn down...but at same time Im happy for them but then sad again that my own relationship went down the drain...
sorry if this sounds confusing by the way...

Any tips ?


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## Stretch (Dec 12, 2012)

I think most would agree that the memories and the symbols of your previous life are pretty tough and it is not an easy thing to work on in my opinion.

The first step for most here was to remove and package all visual rememberances like pictures and nik-naks. Put them away for a later date if ever.

I avoid music that triggers memories and jump started my social life to start making new memories.

Now you cannot make this happen and I seem to be a little bit in the minority on this but if you are emotionally ready and depending on if R in in your plan, start dating. I was lucky enough to find a wonderful woman and we are having quite the love affair. I know that if my WAW changed her mind I would stick with my new lady.

Hey hope this helps.

Take care and work on you, it's worth it.

Stretch


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