# The Most Unusual Story...I think.



## ringlessmarriage (Aug 29, 2017)

Hi all. New to the forum, with quite the most unusual scenario. Need unbiased advice.

Scenario: *warning - somewhat graphic in nature, but no vulgarity, just description is unappealing and the story is extremely long

My partner, our child, and myself went on vacation a year ago. We left our dog with my partners mother. During our vacation, she called and said our dog got out that morning and that he had been ran over. She described the scene of guts everywhere, and it was horrific scene. She stated she buried him directly after they found him because they had guests coming over to buy puppies from their kennel, and it was also hot outside. We rush home and get there the next day.

BACK STORY ABOUT DOG AND MOTHER :

Our dog was the first gift I bought for my partners birthday 11 years ago. He was basically our child until our daughter was born 5 years prior. My partners mother runs a farm, and a dog kennel. My partners mother watched our dog the prior year for us, but complained of him being a nuisance, and was glad he was gone. We thought she was just being cynical, because that is her nature. My partners mother has, according to my partner, always been emotionally disconnected, and always somewhat “off”, but it was never much of concern. Back to the story…

Upon arrival to the mothers farm/dog kennel, I inform her I would like dig up our dog, and have him cremated. I felt he at least deserved a proper end. At this point the mother become bellingerent, and attempts to “hide” the burial spot. Upon further interrogation she directs to a compost pile (primarily cow manure) and says he is buried there. I begin to dig, and get about 6 inches down, and see his tail. At this point I am already filled with so many emotions, but the thought of him resting uncovered in cow manure infuriates me. I continue on filled with tears, and realize there are no guts, no blood, no nothing...until. 

Until I reach his head. I see his head is completely caved in, but more importantly there was a massive hole in the back of his head. At this point I am too distraught to continue to look. I am beyond upset...a point I have personally never been at in my life. The mother comes around the corner and starts to attempt an argument with me, and it takes every bit of restraint I have in my soul to not take the shovel and swing it in her direction. My partner jumps in one of the 2 cars we have there and drives off, leaving me there to deal with everything.

We have the dog looked over prior to cremation, and the person performing the cremation lets us know that this is congruent with what they have seen in gunshot wounds, and is not at all congruent with vehicular death. This only confirms our suspicion, so we ask the mother and she adamantly denies everything. She also proceeds to change her story of events multiple times. This is where the story ends, and the relationship problem begins.

My partner, during all of this was upset, but nowhere near my frustration. My partner went from suggesting there was a reasonable explanation to stating that they believed the mother may have killed our dog, but more than likely the mothers husband did it. Regardless, my partner in a matter of days is wanting to resolve the issue, all while my partners mother is unapologetic, blaming our dog for his own ignorance, and insulting me because of my emotions during this. I refuse to resolve anything, until the mother can admit blame and apologize for what has happened, and even then it will take time. 

BACKSTORY ABOUT MOTHER AND RELATIONSHIP TO CHILD : 

This is the second time the mother has caused issues in our relationship. Prior to us having our daughter the mother said if we move closer, she would help watch our child atleast 3 days a week. So we bought a house in the mothers town, which is a place we view as a terrible place. Within 3 months the mother says they cant watch our daughter, because they are not parents, and we are. She stated that we were bad parents because we work 40 hours a week, and rely on a parent to watch our daughter 2 seperate 6 hour days a week (totalling 12 hours a week), so we can continue to work. She wrote a multiple page letter stating she needed a break from our daughter, and when we decide to be real parents, she will resume seeing our daughter. So we were forced to shell out 800 a month in childcare and live in a house/pIace we are not happy with. I was furious, but I overlooked it and moved on. Back to the story...

Fastforward 2 months later from the dog incident, and its Thanksgiving. My partners family refuses to not invite the mother, and says that I can either go and deal, or stay home. I tell my partner that I am not asking them to choose, but for my partner to spend time with “their” real family. Needless to say, my partner takes our daughter and goes to the family event, while leaving me home alone to eat by myself on Thanksgiving. We move past this, although it is hard.

My partner is willing to consider my feelings towards the mother, but I can tell deep down, that the feelings of resentment are brewing. I try to explain it is not just about the mother, but about a member of our family dieing and disrespected, and that the lack of feelings about it that are hurtful. Regardless my partner put the relationship with the mother on hold, while the mother is still ignorant to the fact of what has happened.

In the past 2 months I have opened up to them having a relationship together, because the mother has made somewhat of an effort to be understanding. The mother will still not admit what really happened, but does state she is sorry it happened on her watch. I refuse to meet with the mother because I am a firm believer in repenting. I asked my partner if this would have been anybody else, and they admit they would never be able to forgive and even cut that person off, even stating that if it was my mother they would consider not forgiving her. Now my partner is wanting the mother to go to our daughters grandparents day at school...and I am at a loss.

Am I wrong for being “selfish” and wanting complete resolution to this before moving on? Am I wrong for questioning the relationship? Am I wrong for feeling as if my partner has never truly been affected by this? Does anybody have any advice on what I should do? Thank you.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

Your partner' s mother is a dog killer, you should have call animal control and press charges against her when you discovered the dog...that is animal cruelty.....and the last thing I would do is leave a child in her care....because I am now very concern for your daughter safety. Please tell me that she is old and ready to die herself. Btw upon her death bed I would whisper in her ear that once she is in the ground you look forward to pissing on her grave....and smile.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Take your daughter and leave your partner and his partner. 

His partner is his mother.

You are furniture that he sits on, drops crumbs on.

Leave him and find a husband, not a shadow that blocks the warm light.


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

Was your partner abused growing up? There is an extremely unhealthy relationship there and sometimes children of abuse grow up with unhealthy attachments and not seeing toxic behaviour, turning the other way to things that are obviously unforgivable. 

If she'd be open to it I think a counsellor could help her sort through some of these issues. A voice that's not yours telling her it's toxic. 

There is no way I would let that woman near me or my child ever again. Even the daycare thing. You question my parenting because I work and I don't need you in my life. You're not selfish.


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

Also I am very sorry you had to go through that. I can't imagine how traumatic that must have been for you. At very least she needs to understand your feelings about the mother and what you went through that day. You should never have to look at that woman again and I think you're well within your right to veto your daughter ever seeing her again. If she wants to keep seeing her mother there isn't a lot you can do. But you and your child don't need to be involved.


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## a_mister (Aug 23, 2017)

Obviously, it's extremely alarming that your dog was shot, that she attempted to cover it up both passively (by burying the carcass while omitting facts about what will be found) and actively (by making up an alternative fantasy story), and that when caught, she won't explain how this happened. That she would bury the carcass in the compost pile also points to a pretty extreme lack of empathy toward a family pet.

I mean, extremely alarming. "This person is a criminal and I will keep my children away from this woman at all costs, if she ever comes onto my property again I will press trespass charges" alarming.

That your partner believes it's acceptable to leave this hanging and brush it off as "maybe her husband did it" is absurd.

Then I saw this: 

"...we bought a house in the mothers town, which is a place we view as a terrible place...she wrote a multiple page letter stating she needed a break from our daughter..."

Manifestos about trivial things are rarely a good sign about someone's mental health. Even one page is pushing it for most interpersonal issues.

At worst, she's a manipulative, dishonest, unstable violent abuser. At best, she's manipulative, dishonest, and unstable, and merely married to a violent abuser. If your partner and your partner's family doesn't respect why she needs to be kept away from you and the child, it sounds as if they may be equally unfit.

You'll do what you want, of course, but in my experience, ignoring red flags of this nature will only lead to something worse.

Short answer: your partner's mom is nuts.


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## Emerging Buddhist (Apr 7, 2016)

There are so many thoughts here...

My first is leave anything connected to this danger to your health and happiness.

My second thought is that your partner was raised by this woman... the ripples in a pond of an unmindful stone touch no different than a mindful one. Your partner will need counseling when you leave, you and your daughter if you stay.

My third... she shows no respect for you, this probably will not change unless she changes and there is nothing you can control in that.

Fourth... love yourself and your child more.

A callous view of life cannot foster the love and kindness a child needs...


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## Magnesium (Jun 19, 2017)

Your partner's mother is a disgusting excuse for a human being and I would not tolerate a person such as her in my life. 

Take your daughter and leave and never, ever look back.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

Report this to the police. People who abuse animal often also abuse people. Needles to say do not let your child or even yourself be near this person again. Treat them as violently unstable and armed.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

Your partner I do understand. She has to choose between your small family and hers, but doesn't want to. Still, she married you and this isn't a little squabble, someone PURPOSELY killed a dog. One which they didn't like. Seriously, just say "No, I do not want to watch your dog." 

I'd move away from the family influence and if she wants to stay, let her. Still, I'd document everything, get an affidavit from the Veterinarian and call the police. I wouldn't want my child raised in that type of environment and you need evidence if things go south so, you can fight for custody if it goes that far.


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## GuyInColorado (Dec 26, 2015)

So, why no ring yet? Why just partner status?


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

if any member of my family killed my dog, I would not be seeing them again, ever, Disgusting.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

What is UP with the meticulous dedication to making sure there are NO "he" or "she" pronouns used to describe you and this 'partner?' Everything is "they" or "my partner."

Such unnecessary cloak and dagger nonsense and so damned irritating to read. 

I think you got snookered into moving closer to your "partner's" mother. Come on, you actually _chose_ to move from an area you enjoyed living in and felt was a good place to raise your kid to move to a 'terrible' place that you don't even *like*, bought a house in this 'terrible' area, and all so Mommy Dearest could babysit your kid a lousy 12 hours a week? Seriously??? Who *does* that?

And then you find out the stupid ***** shot your dog and killed it (or she's covering up for someone who shot your dog) and your "partner" seems to be fine with that because "they" want "their" mother to attend Grandparents Day at school like all is forgiven.

Well, you were already tricked once into moving out to Schitsville to live near Broom Hilda and now your "partner" is continuing to jam her down your throat whether you like it or not. Judging from your past history, I predict your "partner" will get "their" way once again, like "they' always do when it comes to Mommy Dearest.


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## memyselfandi (Jan 10, 2012)

As an utmost dog and animal lover, I am LIVID!! Soo sorry to say but this woman is very sick and wrong to have possibly killed your dog and buried him in their compost pile, while pretending to give him a proper burial!!

While she knew how much you loved your dog and considered him part of your family; to do such a thing was soo completely ludacrist..I honestly don't know if I'd ever be able to look her in the face again.

But that's just me. Cruelty to animals hits below my belt and I have no use to animal abuse.

So very sorry for your loss. May God find you peace.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Did you ever found out why she, or someone, killed your dog?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

This person you are with, your 'partner', is not someone you should stay with. His/her mother is not a good person at all. I can only think of one reasonable reason for killing your pet.... if the dog became dangerous and was attacking someone or another animal.... aka self defense or the defense of the helpless.

There is something profoundly wrong with the woman. And she raised your 'partner'. So your 'partner' was most likely abused by this woman and any other adult in that family. 

Find a way to get your child out of there and move ASAP, as far away as you can.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

I'm sorry this happened to your dog and the circumstances surrounding it, I love dogs so may be biased. Your MIL sounds like a physco and should not be around your kid nor be allowed to have a dog kennel. I would suggest you call the authorities on her and give them the evidence from the vet re the shooting. Tell your partner that they have to stand up the MIL, enough is enough. Cut all contact with this crazy woman.


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## Anthony Wellers (Jul 29, 2017)

ringlessmarriage said:


> Until I reach his head. I see his head is completely caved in, but more importantly there was a massive hole in the back of his head.


This part sounds like a scene from The Omen. The rest of it from Psycho (though with Norman Bates mum still alive and being the psycho).

This is a horrifying tale, and I am saddened that it is true. If her (or his?) mother can do that to a dog then she is a monster. The matter should have been reported to the police as soon as possible.

Your partner I can understand her loyalty to her (his?) mother. Blood is thicker than water, and there is not a lot you can do about that. I wouldn't have any resentment towards him/her, but protect yourself and your daughter, even if it means getting out.


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