# Husband Turns Everything Back on Me, Making Me Feel Like I'm Crazy! Advice?



## randomcurefan

Hello all, 

This is my very first time on the site so first and foremost, hello! My husband and I have been married for almost 5 years and it was a bit on the turbulent side in the beginning. It was less symptomatic until about 4 months ago. He started blaming me for everything that was "wrong" in our lives. He stated that he is so depressed and that I make his life miserable. He told me that he wants to move (we have only been in our house for a year) and that he is miserable in his job. He said that there is nothing in his life that means anything to him. Anytime I ask about if he still sees value in me/us he replies, "It isn't about you." I am not allowed to offer advice so I listen. Then I am accused of never listening or that I don't care so that he will never ever tell me anything again. It is always very black or white. His mood swings have made me so jumpy that I have started to become a different person. I apologize for everything because he always tells me that everything is my fault. Then when I apologize, I get scolded for the apology. I am afraid to release the details of my day because I just get a long winded response about how I should've done this or that. I don't know what to do. I have suggested counseling and he says that he will not go because I am obviously the one with the problem. Any guidance would be appreciated.


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## tryingtocope24

randocurefan:
Many of us have heard it all before to me it sounds like he is fighting depression, It is true it is not about you it is about derpession a stranger has entered your relationship and is taking it over. My suggestion is go to depressionfallout.com and read read read. You will understand what you are dealing with and how to cope. good luck


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## turnera

Stop apologizing. He's a grown man. If he's truly depressed, tell him to get help, and stop blaming you for his problems. Make sure you meet all his legitimate needs, and don't do things that you know make him unhappy (within reason). If he still has issues, tell him you love him, but you need him to take care of them.

Oh, and check the phone records for a number you don't recognize that he calls or texts a lot.


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## amicrazyorishecheating

its a shame that all men are the same my husband does the same type of things to me he isnt man enough to own up for his self....leave him alone ignor or leave if u can just so he can realize what his life is with out u in it maybe he will wake up an really try for counseling i am trying my hardest to go tell him that if im the problem lets go so the counseling can fix me if its me just to get him thru the door


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## notreadytoquit

turnera said:


> Stop apologizing. He's a grown man. If he's truly depressed, tell him to get help, and stop blaming you for his problems. Make sure you meet all his legitimate needs, and don't do things that you know make him unhappy (within reason). If he still has issues, tell him you love him, but you need him to take care of them.
> 
> Oh, and check the phone records for a number you don't recognize that he calls or texts a lot.


When I first came on this forum and told my story few people suggested that my H was in depression. But at the end it turned out to be a fully blown affair. I am not saying he is having one but make sure you rule that out first.


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## 40jane

notreadytoquit said:


> When I first came on this forum and told my story few people suggested that my H was in depression. But at the end it turned out to be a fully blown affair. I am not saying he is having one but make sure you rule that out first.


Interesting thought...depression being an affair, I never considered that but have read that affairs which lead to guilt, betrayal and regret can cause depression. Maybe I should explore this idea in my "depressed" husband.


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## overallnow

Placing blame for issues or problems is not a sign of depression or an affair in my opinion...that's a sign of a novice abuser...stop waking around on egg shells and worrying about what you have done or haven't done....stop allowing your self to be a "different person"...get yourself help..figure out why you feel you don't deserve happiness...why you think you deserve to be blamed for everything wrong with his life....it was turbulent in the begining..it is only going to get worse not only because he has issues but because you are allowing him to treat you this way and you are the only one trying to make everything better...learned behavior on his part...not good..He does or says this and you change everything about you to ease the situation...he will continue to push this...

I don't mean to be harsh but I have been there, done this and finally am all over it...if you dont get help and learn it isn't you and learn you dont need to be a different person to ease his issues...you will "both" work it out or you will become a very unhappy shell of a person...


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## zohaib

Well its true that the reason of the problem is not you...
The reason is Depression....
and i would suggest you not to apologize on those mistakes that were not committed by you..coz through this way u will reduce ur own value..
try to console him..
show him that you luv him...and you want to sort out the solution for the problems...
ask him if you could help him to get out of his stress..but after making the environment romantic..

hope it will help you..!


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