# He did it AGAIN.



## sunflower (Dec 15, 2008)

well Saturday night I told him it was cool to go out with friends and hang out while I stay home with my broken leg up! and he told me that he would be home at 1 well he didnt come home until 5 in the morning. drunker then drunk. Well today I found out that at this party they were playing beer pong and he was telling this girl for every cup he makes she unbuttons her shirt. WTF I dont get it I want OUT I cant do this anymore he keeps crushing me and making me feel worst and worst and its like he doesnt care at all? I am so lost right now. so lost and I feel so horrible. I mean after all that we have been through I just dont think that he is happy with me at all


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## Mommybean (Jan 22, 2009)

Sunflower, honestly HOW is this any different than the crap you have been pulling with your co-worker? I honestly think that NEITHER ONE OF YOU are emotionally mature enough to be in a marriage and raise a family. It's not that I don't have any compassion toward you hon, its that you are just as guilty as him. Is this really how your KIDS deserve to grow up?


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

The main problem in your marriage is the booze. When people are that drunk anything can happen. The conscience is completely anaesthetised.

Instead of berating him for his lusty tendencies, you should talk ONLY about his drinking. This is the real problem - on his side anyway. On your side, you are a bit of a drama queen. Go on admit it...


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## kirkster5 (Sep 23, 2008)

MarkTwain you hit the nail on the head. I just dont know how you can be so wise with all that pent-up semen.


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## martino (May 12, 2008)

Ah ha ha ha ha ha classic. :smthumbup:




kirkster5 said:


> MarkTwain you hit the nail on the head. I just dont know how you can be so wise with all that pent-up semen.


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## sunflower (Dec 15, 2008)

Actually I just had a long conversation with him and he told me that he didnt know if he wanted me anymore and its like he savatages our marriage on purpose. I dont know what to do he says that He doesnt know if he wants me but he is scared to go cause what if its the wron choice. then what. I am so so so so so lost and hurt right now.


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## sunflower (Dec 15, 2008)

We had a really long talk and I think that he is trying to validate himself by acting out he used to have all the ladies when he was younger and I think he is depressed. things have got lost between us and out of control and I think that when he drinks he is acting out cause he doesnt know how to express his feelings I need help.


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## sunflower (Dec 15, 2008)

AND maybe I am a drama queen!


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## dobo (Jun 30, 2009)

Dump him first. You make the decision. If he doesn't know if he wants you then why would you want him? Further, why would you want this version of him? He's a poor excuse for a husband.


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## Mommybean (Jan 22, 2009)

Sunflower, I honestly don't think that EITHER one of you are ready for marriage. Neither he nor you have shown the committment to each other that it takes to last. It would be different if you two had learned from your past mistakes, but you guys just keep repeating them. So WHAT if he was a ladies man when he was younger? If he is trying to recapture those days, it only shows his immaturity, AND it has only shown your immaturity in the past to seek out male attention so that you can feel better about yourself when your H lets you down. He will come to realize one day that guys who run around trying to recapture their lost youth reach a point where the world just views them as pathetic. And if YOU keep on with your need to be vaildated by men rather than finding your worth in YOURSELF, you will go down the exact same path. Seems like its better to cut your losses and focus on your kids.


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## foolz1 (Sep 5, 2009)

Mommybean said:


> Sunflower, I honestly don't think that EITHER one of you are ready for marriage. Neither he nor you have shown the committment to each other that it takes to last. It would be different if you two had learned from your past mistakes, but you guys just keep repeating them. So WHAT if he was a ladies man when he was younger? If he is trying to recapture those days, it only shows his immaturity, AND it has only shown your immaturity in the past to seek out male attention so that you can feel better about yourself when your H lets you down. He will come to realize one day that guys who run around trying to recapture their lost youth reach a point where the world just views them as pathetic. And if YOU keep on with your need to be vaildated by men rather than finding your worth in YOURSELF, you will go down the exact same path. Seems like its better to cut your losses and focus on your kids.


I second that, Mommybean. You are exactly right. You two should be thinking about your children. How do you think this is affecting them? It is certainly not a very good example for them. You both should stop being so selfish and put your kids first.


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## AZMOMOFTWO (Jun 30, 2008)

sunflower said:


> Actually I just had a long conversation with him and he told me that he didnt know if he wanted me anymore and its like he savatages our marriage on purpose. I dont know what to do he says that He doesnt know if he wants me but he is scared to go cause what if its the wron choice. then what. I am so so so so so lost and hurt right now.


Sun, I do not agree with the others that say you love drama. I think you react to the drama. Yes, you have some responsibility but his behavior is way out of line. More importantly he is now being mentally abusive. Next time he goes out, pack his bag tell him he needs to find another place to stay. 

This is EXACTLY what my H said to me. When he acted inappropriatly with the OW he said "its not her, there is nothing going on. Its us. I don't know if I want to be married anymore, I'm like 60/40." So I said why don't we get a separation. He refused. When I pushed him to make a decision one way or another he wouldn't. His answer "if I make the wrong decision them I'm screwed" and I said I noticed you said I, how about me, and our two kids. Tells me where your head is at. At that point I decided he had a month. If it got worse or stayed the same he was out. I committed to doing what I could to save it and was very positive and I did make a lot of steps towards fixing for the both of us. I was actually thinking I don't need to make him go and he was saying "I love you" and being very affectionate. 

But I found out later, he was still having an affair. So before that month was up, I discovered it and made him leave. 

Bottomline, he's playing mind games. He will not stop until you make him. He does it because he can. You are hurting thus the drama. I reacted differently I shut myself up and shut myself off but still I reacted too. 

Don't live like this hon, toss him!


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## Lostandconfused (Jul 6, 2009)

:iagree:


AZMOMOFTWO said:


> Sun, I do not agree with the others that say you love drama. I think you react to the drama. Yes, you have some responsibility but his behavior is way out of line. More importantly he is now being mentally abusive. Next time he goes out, pack his bag tell him he needs to find another place to stay.
> 
> This is EXACTLY what my H said to me. When he acted inappropriatly with the OW he said "its not her, there is nothing going on. Its us. I don't know if I want to be married anymore, I'm like 60/40." So I said why don't we get a separation. He refused. When I pushed him to make a decision one way or another he wouldn't. His answer "if I make the wrong decision them I'm screwed" and I said I noticed you said I, how about me, and our two kids. Tells me where your head is at. At that point I decided he had a month. If it got worse or stayed the same he was out. I committed to doing what I could to save it and was very positive and I did make a lot of steps towards fixing for the both of us. I was actually thinking I don't need to make him go and he was saying "I love you" and being very affectionate.
> 
> ...


:iagree:

The only way out of a vicious cycle is to step out of it. STOP! Get off the ride and check out now. Pack his bags, show him the door and don't let him back in.

It's the only way to wake him up and to salvage yourself.

Just my $0.02.
Lost


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## sunflower (Dec 15, 2008)

I agree az. I mean its like he tells me everytime he does somehting stupid that it was cause of whats going on. Seriously its not always going to be roses. and I am really sick and tired of his exxuses. its not ok what either of us are doing. it is a cycle that needs to be put out or we are done. 

He is doing better showing me love and telling me everyday that things are getting better. I was so shocked when he told me that he didnt know what he wanted but didnt want me to go cause he didnt want to make the wrong choice. So I told him maybe he needs to go so he has time to think. But he had no where to go so he asked ME to go to my moms. I was like wtf. So after all that he tells me the next day that he does know what he wants blah blah. So I am wondering if he was saying all this cause he was busted being a *******.???? I dont know but I am telling you that if he pulls this again I am out I will figure things out and make sure that my kids get all my attention


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

A year ago when I was on this site all the time I thought you and your husband both were pretty selfdestructive, I see that hasn't changed. That's something that always amazes me about people, they repeat the same actions over and over and keep expecting a different results. Eventually you two will self destruct, I only feel sorry for the kids. The example you two are setting is what they are going to think relationships are like. I hope someone, somehow, somewhere sets a positive example for them.

Maybe to harsh for you but after all this time if you can't see the reality I just don't think you ever will, just my opinion.

Cooper


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## Private Eye Wife (May 8, 2009)

I agree with Cooper 100%.


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## AZMOMOFTWO (Jun 30, 2008)

sunflower said:


> I agree az. I mean its like he tells me everytime he does somehting stupid that it was cause of whats going on. Seriously its not always going to be roses. and I am really sick and tired of his exxuses. its not ok what either of us are doing. it is a cycle that needs to be put out or we are done.
> 
> He is doing better showing me love and telling me everyday that things are getting better. I was so shocked when he told me that he didnt know what he wanted but didnt want me to go cause he didnt want to make the wrong choice. So I told him maybe he needs to go so he has time to think. But he had no where to go so he asked ME to go to my moms. I was like wtf. So after all that he tells me the next day that he does know what he wants blah blah. So I am wondering if he was saying all this cause he was busted being a *******.???? I dont know but I am telling you that if he pulls this again I am out I will figure things out and make sure that my kids get all my attention


Break this cycle of self-destructiveness today! Tell him that until he decides that he is 110% committed to this marriage you are separating. He needs to go, not you. Too bad if he has no place. Right now he can stay on the couch until he finds a place to go. Use that time to decide if this is what you want. No games. Just focus. If you do want to stay married, recognize what he is. If this wake up call turns him around, you may be able to build a stronger marriage. If he and you continue to play mind games with each other, you will be miserable the rest of your lives. Stop it now. Do not look for any other relationship during this time. If one falls in your lap, turn away. You need to be on your own for a bit, be strong on your own. He will either grow up or mess up but then you have your answer. You can be strong, don't let him do this to you.


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## sunflower (Dec 15, 2008)

Ya I know you are all so right. I am so dumb to sit around and play games we are 27 and 28 yrs old no more crap. And I do want to be a example for my kids and I dont want to see them in a relationship like this when they are adults. I am just really scared that I will say ok you go and come back to me when you are 110 in it and well he doesnt come back I will lose it. seirously lose it. But I dont know of any other way. I need to be happy and so does he. Tonight we arent talking he is being really weird? I dont know how I am supposed to bring this entire topic up to him? and if we do end up splitting I dont think that I could be in a relationship for a long time. Its just not right and I wouod need to spend time with my girls they are my number 1. ALWAYS my number 1. I seriously just want to cry right now I cant believe how hard this is. and I feel awful.


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