# Making love vs f***ing...whats the difference?



## MrsHaf (Jan 13, 2015)

This has been a subject amongst my husband and I for awhile...When you are married ....what makes these two different? Our sex has always been great...hands down the best, but sometimes I feel like I want some "Hollywood Movie Love Scene" and when I try to explain it..he kinda laughs because I cant explain what I actually mean and he doesnt understand the difference..because he says, "im in love with you so to me everytime we have sex we are making love"..So I wanted some input....from men and women. Do you believe they are different and what makes them different?


----------



## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

If you can't walk properly after, it probably wasn't "making love"...

C


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

What Pbear said.


----------



## MrsHaf (Jan 13, 2015)

PBear said:


> If you can't walk properly after, it probably wasn't "making love"...
> 
> C


lmao....ok thats a obvious difference. but can the two be mixed? Start as one thing and lead to the other? Besides the physical differences in your ability to move after, what else makes them different?


----------



## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

MrsHaf said:


> lmao....ok thats a obvious difference. but can the two be mixed? Start as one thing and lead to the other? Besides the physical differences in your ability to move after, what else makes them different?


To me, the difference is primarily the level of "aggression" and passion. So yes, they can be mixed.

C


----------



## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

They are so vastly different that it surprising he doesn't know the difference. Maybe he does know the difference but is not interested in "making love" as it takes a man that can give a lot of himself to truly make love.

In our world we have sex daily at a minimum, could be a quickie, a very active wild session, or slow and tired sex then fall asleep withing 2 minutes. There is certainly a love component as we are deeply in love but the times when he is making love to me are quite different. I say when he is making love to me because he is the romantic, loving type and he enjoys making love. I am more of your sex type but also crave the long love making sessions but yes at these times he is the doer and I am more the doee. So here "love making" means he takes time to worship my body, to kiss me from head to toe, maybe a massage. He looks at me with love in his eyes, he holds my face in a way that melts my heart. The actual sex part of this is slower, very sexy and I can feel his love. I know his aim is to show me in a physical way that he loves me, that it is on a different level than the sex we have because we both enjoy sex. This is about showing me with his body how much he loves me.


----------



## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

I would suggest when that making love your focus is emotional and the sex is a manifestation of your love. F***ing on the other hand the focus is physical and any love you feel is kind of coincidental. 

I agree one can morph into the other at any point during a session.


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Ey? Sex is sex, just depends on the mood

Sometimes I'm in a romantic mood, sometimes I'm in a comforting mood, sometimes I'm in an adventurous mood, sometimes I'm in an aggressive mood, sometimes I'm in a playful mood, etc etc. And the sex as you can expect is different depending on the mood/situation.


----------



## MrsHaf (Jan 13, 2015)

Holland said:


> They are so vastly different that it surprising he doesn't know the difference. Maybe he does know the difference but is not interested in "making love" as it takes a man that can give a lot of himself to truly make love.
> 
> In our world we have sex daily at a minimum, could be a quickie, a very active wild session, or slow and tired sex then fall asleep withing 2 minutes. There is certainly a love component as we are deeply in love but the times when he is making love to me are quite different. I say when he is making love to me because he is the romantic, loving type and he enjoys making love. I am more of your sex type but also crave the long love making sessions but yes at these times he is the doer and I am more the doee. So here "love making" means *he takes time to worship my body, to kiss me from head to toe, maybe a massage.* He looks at me with love in his eyes, he holds my face in a way that melts my heart. The actual sex part of this is slower, very sexy and I can feel his love. I know his aim is to show me in a physical way that he loves me, that it is on a different level than the sex we have because we both enjoy sex. This is about showing me with his body how much he loves me.


OK. He has done the massage and kissing head to toe, slow music...etc. I guess I kinda pushed it aside because this was earlier in our relationship and marriage before I got pregnant. The massages I get now are mostly for my serious aching pregnant body and dont usually follow with sex. He does them because he knows im miserable and its his way of offering any help he can aside from carrying the baby. I feel like Im looking for some tear making moment (again probably something out of a movie) which may not be realistic. But I seem to be at a loss for words when he asks me to give him examples so he can make it happen. Maybe its also that I dont wanna tell him what to do, then he do it cuz then it feels preplanned and not as meaningful on his part. lol...im expecting him to read my mind.


----------



## GTdad (Aug 15, 2011)

I dunno about the distinction that's being drawn. My wife tends to like it hard and fast, but there's certainly a lot of love there, too.

Making love or f*cking? I'll take both, please.


----------



## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

I'm not going to do your homework for you. The question is left as an exercise for the reader.


----------



## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

My advice... Find some videos which show what you want. Watch them in bed together. Naked. 

And yes, expecting him to read your mind is setting you both up for failure. 

C


----------



## MrsHaf (Jan 13, 2015)

GTdad said:


> I dunno about the distinction that's being drawn. My wife tends to like it hard and fast, but there's certainly a lot of love there, too.
> 
> Making love or f*cking? I'll take both, please.


Thats how he feels lol.....i prefer it that way most of the time, so maybe he is fixed in that mode because he knows that is what I like. But Im a woman..I want some slow and sensual occassionally, and spontaneously without me having to tell him.


----------



## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

MrsHaf said:


> Thats how he feels lol.....i prefer it that way most of the time, so maybe he is fixed in that mode because he knows that is what I like. But Im a woman..I want some slow and sensual occassionally, and spontaneously without me having to tell him.


Seems then that you're talking to the wrong crowd. You already know the answer to the question you asked, but your husband doesn't. So educate him.


----------



## GTdad (Aug 15, 2011)

MrsHaf said:


> Thats how he feels lol.....i prefer it that way most of the time, so maybe he is fixed in that mode because he knows that is what I like. But Im a woman..I want some slow and sensual occassionally, and spontaneously without me having to tell him.


As Pbear points out, you'll have to communicate that to him, using words like "slow" and "sensual" instead of "making love", in case your husband is a schlub like me who gets lost in the definitions.


----------



## GTdad (Aug 15, 2011)

If you don't want to actually tell him how you want it in the moment, can you talk about a cue ahead of time, such as a particular piece of negligee or a specific gesture?


----------



## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening all
I don't really like those terms, except to separate selfish from unselfish sex. I think that "good" sex comes in a wide range of variations:

There is long lasting intimate sex, mutual, and often with a long buildup beforehand.

There is wild quick sex - where as soon as the hotel door closes you are tearing off each others clothes.

There is aggressive sex where one person is doing what they want with the other (though in reality doing what the partner wants too). (the thrown over the sofa and fcked)

There is "gift" sex where one person does everything they can to make it good for the other.

There are endless varieties of kinky sex where the couple tries new exotic things

There is sleepy sex, where you just do someting quiet and nice for each other before going to sleep. 

There is "quick release" where one person is horny so their partner gives them a quick orgasm by some means or other.



All these can be great - and variety is great. Just be sure that the "one sided" ones average out reasonably.


----------



## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

GTdad said:


> As Pbear points out, you'll have to communicate that to him, using words like "slow" and "sensual" instead of "making love", in case your husband *is a schlub like me who gets lost in the definitions.*


*GT: Now you are absolutely the last guy on earth that I would expect to hear that line from!*


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Sex = focus on yourself and getting what you need/want

Making love = focus on your partner and making sure that they get what they need/want


----------



## askari (Jun 21, 2012)

Given the choice, I think I'd rather have a glass of chilled New Zealand Sauvignon Blanc frankly.


----------



## ChristianGrey (Nov 27, 2014)

Making love is doing it in missionary position with white curtains blowing in the background.

****ing is doing it doggystyle while pulling hair.


----------



## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

****ing is about pleasure and making love is about emotional connection. They have similarities but can yield different results. Both have a place in a realtionship


----------



## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> Sex = focus on yourself and getting what you need/want
> 
> Making love = focus on your partner and making sure that they get what they need/want


For me, during really hot sex (not making love) my focus is on her. I'm trying to drive her wild because it turns me on to see her that way...not because I love her.

If I were just to have sex with her with the intent of only serving my own needs I wouldn't find it particularly good sex. I guess my ego needs to know she's enjoying it too.


----------



## doobie (Apr 15, 2014)

My H has only ever had sex with me - we have never made love. He tends to be sarcastic when he mentions "making love" so I think that despite the fact that he's in his fifties, he's only ever had sex. I have had plenty of partners who have made love to me and the experience is much more satisfying than having sex. We've only been married 2 years and hardly had any sex during that time but I can honestly say that I have never felt that we have connected on an emotional level during sex. My H tends to just hammer away as fast and hard as he can until he comes (or that's what he used to do - we no longer have sex).


----------



## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening doobie
that is so sad. 
Nothing wrong with hard hot sex just fort the sake of sex now and then, but a long evening of intimacy and lovemaking is also great. Variety is so much better than doing the same thing over and over again.



doobie said:


> My H has only ever had sex with me - we have never made love. He tends to be sarcastic when he mentions "making love" so I think that despite the fact that he's in his fifties, he's only ever had sex. I have had plenty of partners who have made love to me and the experience is much more satisfying than having sex. We've only been married 2 years and hardly had any sex during that time but I can honestly say that I have never felt that we have connected on an emotional level during sex. My H tends to just hammer away as fast and hard as he can until he comes (or that's what he used to do - we no longer have sex).


----------



## doobie (Apr 15, 2014)

richardsharpe said:


> Good evening doobie
> that is so sad.
> Nothing wrong with hard hot sex just fort the sake of sex now and then, but a long evening of intimacy and lovemaking is also great. Variety is so much better than doing the same thing over and over again.


I couldn't agree more Richard - as somebody else has pointed out here, there are many different types of sex (from hot and horny all the way through to slow and sensual love making). I've experienced most of those in my time and enjoyed them all. However, no matter how I used to try to get my H to have sex differently, he interpreted that as different positions for a hard pounding. It all became very one-dimensional. At first I thought we would be able to improve our sex life with some practice but once we got married sex was off the agenda unless I begged for it. I've given up begging - begging for more one-dimensional experiences is just not worth it - I get better sex from my toy. At the moment, sex with my toy is pretty one-dimensional as I get no privacy and it involves a quick trip to the bathroom (with the fan on to cover the noise of the toy). I'm hoping that this year will be a breakthrough and I can buy a bed and move into the spare room so I can have sex with my toy in a more relaxed and enjoyable way.


----------



## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening doobie

Its taken so long for me to convince my wife that the point of sex is not having an orgasm - its not a race. You are not trying to figure out how to get the job done with minimal effort. (except once in a while as yet another form of variety that is).

I just don't get it. Sex is FUN. Why are there people who don't enjoy it in a wide variety of ways? As you suggest, why involve another person if you are just trying to get off?

You have my sympathy. Have you considered leaving? In my book you also have every right to cheat if you wish. 




doobie said:


> I couldn't agree more Richard - as somebody else has pointed out here, there are many different types of sex (from hot and horny all the way through to slow and sensual love making). I've experienced most of those in my time and enjoyed them all. However, no matter how I used to try to get my H to have sex differently, he interpreted that as different positions for a hard pounding. It all became very one-dimensional. At first I thought we would be able to improve our sex life with some practice but once we got married sex was off the agenda unless I begged for it. I've given up begging - begging for more one-dimensional experiences is just not worth it - I get better sex from my toy. At the moment, sex with my toy is pretty one-dimensional as I get no privacy and it involves a quick trip to the bathroom (with the fan on to cover the noise of the toy). I'm hoping that this year will be a breakthrough and I can buy a bed and move into the spare room so I can have sex with my toy in a more relaxed and enjoyable way.


----------



## Cre8ify (Feb 1, 2012)

> Its taken so long for me to convince my wife that the point of sex is not having an orgasm - its not a race.


Ughh, my biggest point of contention. If she would ever touch me without trying to pump an orgasm out of me. I think making love takes a much bigger leap of faith. No great trick to doing PIV until you spurt, its natural as breathing air. Its a more intimate thing to stroke her hair and kiss deeply and whisper and lock eyes and thrust nearly imperceptibly and tease but pull back and linger...without worrying about a freakin' orgasm. Excuse my rant, kind of a sore spot. And IMO, making love requires an emotional leap some won't be able to take.


----------



## doobie (Apr 15, 2014)

richardsharpe said:


> Good evening doobie
> 
> Its taken so long for me to convince my wife that the point of sex is not having an orgasm - its not a race. You are not trying to figure out how to get the job done with minimal effort. (except once in a while as yet another form of variety that is).
> 
> ...


Hi Richard, I agree, sex is fun, but a little less fun when you're on your own and trying to do it standing in the bathroom and hoping he doesn't hear or start asking why I'm taking so long in the bathroom. In answer to your question about leaving, I first came here nearly a year ago to try to find out what I could do to improve our sex life. Since then, things have deteriorated rather than improved and I do know that the marriage is not going to last. However, at the moment I don't earn enough to rent my own place and move out and my H will have to move back to our home country as he has very little income at all. I've decided to spend the first part of this year trying to find more work so that I can leave and resume a single life. I've done everything I can to try to improve things between us but the lack of sex is a deal breaker for me - I can't commit to spending the rest of my life celibate and my H just doesn't see what the problem is as he very rarely feels any sexual desire.


----------



## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Cre8ify said:


> Ughh, my biggest point of contention. If she would ever touch me without trying to pump an orgasm out of me. I think making love takes a much bigger leap of faith. No great trick to doing PIV until you spurt, its natural as breathing air. Its a more intimate thing to stroke her hair and kiss deeply and whisper and lock eyes and thrust nearly imperceptibly and tease but pull back and linger...without worrying about a freakin' orgasm. Excuse my rant, kind of a sore spot. *And IMO, making love requires an emotional leap some won't be able to take.*


True, true


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

MaritimeGuy said:


> For me, during really hot sex (not making love) my focus is on her. I'm trying to drive her wild because it turns me on to see her that way...not because I love her.
> 
> If I were just to have sex with her with the intent of only serving my own needs I wouldn't find it particularly good sex. I guess my ego needs to know she's enjoying it too.


If you are focusing on her because her going wild turn you on.. . then you are concentrating on your own needs. She is just the instrument that you are using to stoke yourself.


----------



## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening doobie
Maybe this should be another thread (maybe it is already?). Since it sounds like you are together for practical reasons (combining income gives you a place to live, lets him stay in the country - benefits you both), have you suggested an open marriage? 

Sadly he will probably say no. Most LD people not only don't want sex, but don't understand why anyone else would want it either......

Do you have an active thread on your situation?

No married person should need to hide in the bathroom taking care of themselves - though I did for many years too 




doobie said:


> Hi Richard, I agree, sex is fun, but a little less fun when you're on your own and trying to do it standing in the bathroom and hoping he doesn't hear or start asking why I'm taking so long in the bathroom. In answer to your question about leaving, I first came here nearly a year ago to try to find out what I could do to improve our sex life. Since then, things have deteriorated rather than improved and I do know that the marriage is not going to last. However, at the moment I don't earn enough to rent my own place and move out and my H will have to move back to our home country as he has very little income at all. I've decided to spend the first part of this year trying to find more work so that I can leave and resume a single life. I've done everything I can to try to improve things between us but the lack of sex is a deal breaker for me - I can't commit to spending the rest of my life celibate and my H just doesn't see what the problem is as he very rarely feels any sexual desire.


----------



## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

The difference is the emphasis placed on the emotional connection vs. the physical connection. Sometimes one or the other may take precedence based on needs and moods.

Sometimes Mrs. MbH wants to be romanced and treated tenderly, and sometimes she wants to be pounded like a cheap cut of meat on a butcher block (yes, she's tender afterwards). LOL

You can make love to someone with whom you're not actually in love with, and can f*ck someone you love. That's one of the great things about sex - the almost infinite variety!


----------



## doobie (Apr 15, 2014)

richardsharpe said:


> Good evening doobie
> Maybe this should be another thread (maybe it is already?). Since it sounds like you are together for practical reasons (combining income gives you a place to live, lets him stay in the country - benefits you both), have you suggested an open marriage?
> 
> Sadly he will probably say no. Most LD people not only don't want sex, but don't understand why anyone else would want it either......
> ...


I did bring up the subject of an open marriage during one of our talks (that was quite some time ago - I'm done talking about it with him as it's made no difference). He and his first wife were swingers and saw sex as nothing more than a hobby, so he should be more open to the idea. It's something I will bring up again next time the subject of sex comes up.


----------



## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

I guess I'll weigh in on this. Fvcking is something you do "to" someone. Making love is something you do "with" someone.


----------



## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

It has little to do with what and more to do with emotions at climax for me. I can have sex and ejaculate or I can make love and get what I believe now, after reading so much about hormones, a bigger blast of dopamine and the other bonding chemicals. I never knew what it was before. I just knew it was a feeling. 

Edit: These feelings or bonding chemical loads can be greater or lesser depending on how my partner reacts to my presence and stimuli directly from my actions in combination. I could tell when she was there with me during sex and when I was just an available body. So, in my opinion, one person cannot actually make love. It is something that only two who are in love can possibly experience. 

It is true to some extent, for me, that taking more time to make sure my partner is thoroughly satisfied, is more important during love-making than just having sex. Still, the actions in either can be the same and a partner would not necessarily know. The outcome for her, could easily be the same, or better as what she desires most may not be what I desire, or get the most satisfaction from, in terms of emotional connection/pleasure/outcome/response(not sure how to explain that).

Edit: Anyone can ****. Only two who are in love and love each other for who they are can make love.


----------



## micawber (Oct 8, 2014)

I wouldn't know. Mrs. Micawber has never let her guard down far enough to ever have let me "make love" with/to her, at least from my point of view. Lot's of rules she has, that Mrs. Micawber.


----------



## doobie (Apr 15, 2014)

intheory said:


> doobie
> 
> Any long term plans for leaving? As in, a couple of years from now; no longer?


I will have to leave him as I cannot live a celibate life. However, at present I don't really earn enough to rent my own place so I need to get some more work coming in. I spent most of 2014 looking for solutions to the problem we have but I can't fix this without his input and he's quite happy with the way things are. I've now vowed to spend 2015 making myself stronger (emotionally) and getting more work coming in so that I can leave
him. He has had very little work since we get married (we're both self employed) so how he will manage, I don't know.


----------



## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

> *doobie said *:* I will have to leave him as I cannot live a celibate life.*


Doobie... reading stories like yours.. it's so disheartening.. how you have hung on.. but there comes a time...your happiness is important too... Marriage was never intended to be THIS.. our sharing sexually, affectionately , it's so tied to our sense of well being....it is the glue in our connection to each other. . without it , something slowly dies within us.. 

...I hope you find your way...and someday find that someone who longs for what you do , and as passionately......so many out there want these things.. one should never have to feel alone in their marriage ...


----------



## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Looking up some quotes.. these so capture what seems difficult to define... 



> Making love, she'd always believed, was more than simply a pleasurable act between two people. It encompassed all that a couple was supposed to share: trust & commitment, hopes & dreams, a promise to make it through whatever the future might bring. The greater the love; the greater the tragedy when it is over”..... *Nicholas Sparks*





> “So she thoroughly taught him that one cannot take pleasure without giving pleasure, and that every gesture, every caress, every touch, every glance, every last bit of the body has its secret, which brings happiness to the person who knows how to wake it. She taught him that after a celebration of love the lovers should not part without admiring each other, without being conquered or having conquered, so that neither is bleak or glutted or has the bad feeling of being used or misused.” ....*Hermann Hesse, Siddhartha*





> “There’s a huge difference in sex and making love. We have sex with someone who can satisfy us physically, but we make love to someone who can satisfy us soulfully and eternally. Once you realize the fine-line between making love and having sex, you will understand the meaning of life! Life isn’t only about survival, it’s about living and so is making love. We have sex to satisfy our lust and hunger, which is nothing, but survival, but we make love to feed our soul and our mind, to fill a void that is there since a long time, that longs for a partner and that needs someone whom we want to spend the next morning with!
> 
> When you have sex just for physical pleasure, you are ashamed and guilty at one point of life or another, but when you make love to someone who means everything to you, you are always proud of it. Never in life, not even a single time, you regret that time and the moments spent with that person. You will always rejoice it and remember it with equal passion and joy.”... *Mehek Bassi*





> “Amazing sex stays with you. It soaks into your skin. It floats through your dreams and has you silently smoldering with delicious remembrances for hours after. It has you craving it days later. And it has you aching for it if you don’t get it for awhile.” ... *Roberto Hogue*





> Although "making love" may serve as a polite name for an act that has many rude ones, it's misleading. For lovers do not so much make love as they are remade by love--dipped into the fire, melted down, reshaped. If they are devoted to one another, love will transform them, dissolving the shells of their old separate selves and making them anew.”.... *Scott Russell Sanders, A Private History of Awe*


----------



## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Getting kind of creepy in this thread.


----------



## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

MrsHaf said:


> This has been a subject amongst my husband and I for awhile...When you are married ....what makes these two different? Our sex has always been great...hands down the best, but sometimes I feel like I want some "Hollywood Movie Love Scene" and when I try to explain it..he kinda laughs because I cant explain what I actually mean and he doesnt understand the difference..because he says, "im in love with you so to me everytime we have sex we are making love"..So I wanted some input....from men and women. Do you believe they are different and what makes them different?


I think the difference is mostly in speed and intensity. If I want to make love I take my time. I kiss every part of her body and SLOWLY increase her excitement. If I want to "f$ck" I speed everything up and also increase the intensity of the thrusts.
I think it also has to do with the setting, possible distractions and time available. IMO, women mostly like making love and men mostly like fu%cing. The key is to incorporate both. My wife says she likes me to "make love" to her. However, if I do it right, we start out making love and end up f%cking, which is great.


----------



## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

SimplyAmorous said:


> I suppose you are referring to my post.. too personal maybe.. ...I am a bit offended one would find what I said creepy... But OK....I will remove.... but I'll leave the quotes..
> 
> I think they are beautiful...


I did not read your post, but for the record, I don't believe anything sexual between a married couple is "creepy."
Even the Bible, of all books, agrees:

Hebrews13:
[4] Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled


----------



## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

UMP said:


> I did not read your post, but for the record, I don't believe anything sexual between a married couple is "creepy."
> Even the Bible, of all books, agrees:
> 
> Hebrews13:
> [4] Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled


 Bummer you didn't read it then... if anything it was full of tender emotion, about sensuality, a passion for each other....I spoke of the feeling of "oneness"..the body /soul/ mind connection....vulnerability.....a thankfulness for this person before us... I also mentioned tears..and the afterglow.. None of this something I personally would call creepy.. but very beautiful ...

My experience is not important... those quotes above capture the same meaning I was trying to put forth.. 

I have nothing to say on "fvcking" as it's something I have never experienced... My H has been my only partner and he doesn't even like to use the word "Sex"...(he's told me this) saying it's all making Love to him...and I've always felt this very deeply... 

I poured my heart out in my post.... and someone found it creepy.. that really BITES  

But I thank you UMP ...and I so agree with the passage you shared .


----------



## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

SimplyAmorous
I'm sorry if anyone was disturbed by your post, I certainly wasn't. I don't entirely agree though: While I think that most of the time lovemaking is the most desirable form of sex, I think that even the most loving couples should sometimes have wild animalistic, purely-for-pleasure sex. 

Eating healthy fine foods, doesn't mean that every now and then you shouldn't have 3 scoops of ice cream with whipped cream, a double helping of dark chocolate sauce, sprinkles and a cherry (or 3) on top. 

Its this last that I am missing. We don't have sex as often as I like, though its not too rare). It is all lovemaking, which is great, but sometimes it would be fun to just go wild.


----------



## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

richardsharpe said:


> SimplyAmorous
> *I'm sorry if anyone was disturbed by your post, I certainly wasn't. I don't entirely agree though: While I think that most of the time lovemaking is the most desirable form of sex, I think that even the most loving couples should sometimes have wild animalistic, purely-for-pleasure sex*.


 I do not disagree with you Richard but ya know what.... I'd have to leave my H if I made a big deal out of this...... trying to get him more aggressive (the wild animalistic) has only caused him to feel he is "not enough" for me, then I end up feeling awful ....it wasn't good for us.. I had to lay some things down... and choose my battles.. we all have this somewhere in our marriages, right.. 

I've done threads on this you know.. 

*>* "Husbands who are not Dominate enough & Wives who are - how to reverse roles?"

*>* "Am I being Whiny - Are my sexual expectations TOO HIGH ? Husband can not do "ROUGH"."... and yes, basically I was told I was being whiny -even though most women do want some of that...

It's almost like a husband who isn't satisfied that his wife can't orgasm..but keeps pushing.....to the point that she starts to feel like he'd rather be with someone who can...this playing on her mind... or a High Driver who can't accept & causes some grief over his lower drive wife-even if she tries, but yet still falls short of HIS expectations.... we all know these mismatches cause much heartache.... 

I've made my H feel like this .. but only in these last 6 yrs.. ....it seems to have been a hormonal thing in Mid life -this has calmed in me in the last 2 yrs .....but I did want more " animalistic"...his taking that lead / surprising me.. I think I craved more for the "come on" being that way though.. over actually in bed sort of thing... (I still prefer "making love" porn so it does speak a lot from my own end...those scenes are the most arousing to me personally).... 

What we did come to learn through all of this was...I am the more aggressive one.. and he likes it !! Dressing in leather with black boots & a whip.. we've had some FUN... it wasn't all a loss... but still at times I wanted him to SHAKE IT UP -take those reigns.. push MY limits - darn it !

But it's true...our 1st 19 yrs...it really was "just lovemaking" ...and maybe something is wholly wrong with me.. but I never complained or felt I was missing anything...

I really don't care for the word "Fvck" all that much either... I have to agree with my H on that... though I did buy this book ....

 Just F*** Me! - What Women Want Men to Know About Taking Control in the Bedroom (A Guide for Couples to see if It could help him get in touch with his rougher side.. but it wasn't to be...He is who he is.. he loves how he loves...

I may not get a Rape fantasy-but I have his passion in the sensual.. not too hard to pick my battles here.. anything less would make me very selfish... 



> *Eating healthy fine foods, doesn't mean that every now and then you shouldn't have 3 scoops of ice cream with whipped cream, a double helping of dark chocolate sauce, sprinkles and a cherry (or 3) on top*.


 :iagree: ...at my leading, we've have lots of sprinkles & toppings and the like.. though really if I didn't take those reigns.. he's pretty much told me he'd be happy with 2/3 flavors & eating at the Y till the day he hit dirt..

I've literally complained he is too easy to please, for him to please give me a challenge! 



> *Its this last that I am missing. We don't have sex as often as I like, though its not too rare). It is all lovemaking, which is great, but sometimes it would be fun to just go wild*.


 Yes, she should work on shaking it up some...from where we stand -it seems so simple, doesn't it ? .. people can be wired so differently....I know you struggle with this one...it's been a very difficult road... I sympathize with you... I assume the frequency & feeling of rejection is more of an issue over the wild Monkey sex though in comparison... but yeah... both would be so amazing...


----------

