# Shocking: My Wife Admits



## Gooch78

Hi,
I had previous posts thinking my wife might be cheating on me. Well, she just admitted that she has been having Massage session with her girlfriend.

They have kissed, rubbed each other all over. This has happened more than once, several times. She told me she loves her very much, they love each other and that she loves me, she loves her family, we have 2 kids..

Is this cheating?? Im really confused, does that mean she is Bi-sexual? 

Im glad its not with another Man, but Im just shocked and confused. Maybe a great way to start a 3some with her best friend, atch them give each other a massage.


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## Almostrecovered

it's cheating no matter how you slice it


it may seem "hot" to you but unless you are willing to open up your marriage this is cheating and deep betrayal


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## Almostrecovered

and I really do NOT recommend that you explore the 3some open marriage avenue, it almost always doesn't end well


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## Chris Taylor

Yes, it's cheating. Man or woman... doesn't really matter.

Yes, she may be bi... does she have sex with you?


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## Gooch78

Yes we do have sex.. She is supposedly getting a Super Massage from her "friend", they dont finger each other but they feel each other completley naked including the private parts.. they have occationly kiss.
She says she enjoys it very much with her girl friend and actually they Love each other. Her friend is also married with 4 kids.


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## Almostrecovered

then tell her husband


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## Numbersixxx

If you have some common decency, you will tell OWH.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## BURNT KEP

Almostrecovered said:


> it's cheating no matter how you slice it
> 
> 
> it may seem "hot" to you but unless you are willing to open up your marriage this is cheating and deep betrayal


I do agree it is cheating but I think I could handle this a little better. The mind movies would not be as bad :rofl:


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## Toffer

Oh yeah it's cheating

Time for a serious conversation with your wife

Can you see yourself with someone who will want to have sex with others?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## keko

Gooch78 said:


> Im glad its not with another Man, but Im just shocked and confused. Maybe a great way to start a 3some with her best friend, atch them give each other a massage.


Good luck with that.

We've seen plenty of examples how that ends. Since you'll be tasting another woman she'll ask for another man sooner or later.


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## Count of Monte Cristo

Dude, you're in for a world of hurt. Now you have to be on the look out for inappropriate behavior by your wife with other men AND women.

You might get short term gratification by having 3Somes with your wife and other women but in the long term you are going to lose big time.


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## AlphaHalf

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Hicks

You should start the process of divorce so she either wakes up from fantasy land or chooses it permanently.


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## warlock07

And you want a threesome with a married woman? Can't exactly say I sympathize with you.


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## Hope1964

Why don't you all 4 (both couples) just move in together and share everything then?? You can be one big happy family.

Sorry, I just do NOT understand this way of thinking. She's with another woman so you'll just join in 

She's cheating on you, man. Like someone else said, now it's not only half the human race she could be cheating with, it's ALL of the human race.

Please wake up.


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## bfree

Gooch, if you don't take this seriously you are in for a world of hurt. I work with a guy who this exact thing happened to. It started out as playful touching. Soon enough their sex life was in the toilet because his wife started spending more and more time with her gf. Two years later they were divorced and she moved away with her gf. He lost his wife, his house, his kids etc all because he didn't think it was serious.


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## AlphaHalf

your wife cheats on you with another women and all you can think of is having a threesome. stop thinking with your d$&k and use the head above your shoulders. she cheated behind your back multiple times and you brush it off because its another women. how is this different then being with a man?? would your wife be ok if you went and had "massages" from a female friend?? she will probably say yes anyways to justify her actions. threesomes = jealousy, secrets, intimate emotional connection for another person outside the marriage and more risk of catching std's.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Cubby

This may not be simply fun playtime. They might have a deep emotional connection. This is nothing to take lightly. She can fall in fall with a woman just as easily as with a man.

Yeah, we know....two girls....hot. Threesome....hot. At least maybe the thought of it is. I hope you realize reality and fantasy are two different things. And what makes you think they'll want you around anyway? I'd say this is about them, not about you.

And I'll bet what they really do together alone is quite a bit more wild than what she's telling you.


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## Cubby

I quickly looked at the other threads you started Gooch. In the past you said your wife spends so much time with her best friend. She's given you the ILYBINILWY line, says you're more like a best friend. Everyone responding says it looks like she's cheating....well it looks like she now is. I'm assuming this woman is the same "best friend" you mentioned earlier in the year. Your marriage looks like it's on life support. You better tell the woman's husband.


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## Gooch78

Defenitly wouldnt want the 3some, be too disgusted.. Im just at the shock phase now.. Dont know how to react.

I have 2 kids, 6 and 7 years old, last thing I want is too breal the family for there sake. 

I know 100% she will not stop meeting this best friend of hers, she says she trully loves her so much.. ans at the same time she loves me very much.. "WIERD". I just cant understand, supposedly its been happening for the last 2 years


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## Hope1964

Gooch78 said:


> last thing I want is too breal the family for there sake.


Your wife has already broken your family.

Kick her out so she can go and enjoy her friend to her hearts content. Do you really want your kids growing up watching this happen?? What is THAT going to teach them?


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## bfree

I hate to say it but Hope is right. She needs a shock to her system in order to snap her out of this. Tell her that marriage is between two people. If there are three in a marriage there is no marriage. Either she needs to go NC or you're filing for divorce. And make sure to tell her friend's husband asap so he can work on things from his side.


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## Broken at 20

Just because it is her friend doesn't make this any less dangerous. Actualy, I would hazard a guess to say it makes it more dangerous because she likely knows all of the dark secrets of your marriage, you as a person, your wife...

You got a few options on the table to pick from. 

You can ignore this, pretend it isn't happening, and report back in every few months to let us know you are all right. 

You can leave the house, pull 180, divorce, but realize that you will probably lose the house and the kids in the divorce. 
Or you can kick your wife out. Because she won't have very many places to go, since her AP is also, married. Can't run to her AP house. If you kick her out, you need to close every account she has access to, and cancel her credit cards. Otherwise, I will bet a hotel will be sending you a bill for a night's stay in a presidential suite.

Or you could call up the husband of your wife's friend, tell him exactly what you know, and then make plans to proceed. As in, ways of enforcing no contact, making sure NC is broken because hell, you can call the guy up and ask where his wife is. 
And from here, pull a 180, then decide to either reconcile, or divorce. 

Which calls out to you the most?


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## tom67

Broken at 20 said:


> Just because it is her friend doesn't make this any less dangerous. Actualy, I would hazard a guess to say it makes it more dangerous because she likely knows all of the dark secrets of your marriage, you as a person, your wife...
> 
> You got a few options on the table to pick from.
> 
> You can ignore this, pretend it isn't happening, and report back in every few months to let us know you are all right.
> 
> You can leave the house, pull 180, divorce, but realize that you will probably lose the house and the kids in the divorce.
> Or you can kick your wife out. Because she won't have very many places to go, since her AP is also, married. Can't run to her AP house. If you kick her out, you need to close every account she has access to, and cancel her credit cards. Otherwise, I will bet a hotel will be sending you a bill for a night's stay in a presidential suite.
> 
> Or you could call up the husband of your wife's friend, tell him exactly what you know, and then make plans to proceed. As in, ways of enforcing no contact, making sure NC is broken because hell, you can call the guy up and ask where his wife is.
> And from here, pull a 180, then decide to either reconcile, or divorce.
> 
> Which calls out to you the most?


Contact the other woman's husband
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SomedayDig

Yeah, I agree with others. What might seem hot and some claim mind movies won't be so bad... I'd say don't be so certain. A fantasy sometimes needs to remain that. I can promise you one thing, whether it's a chick she's banging or a guy, it's still gonna mess up your marriage. Especially when she says she isn't giving up her friend. Think of her friend as a dude and see how much you're willing to accept. See... Ain't so hot now is it?

Unless you wanna swing. Then take the appropriate steps and create boundaries and go swing.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## walkonmars

Cheaters are not truthful. Maybe she "forgot" to mention they are joined by some guy. And if not yet, then why wouldn't they consider it soon?

Hope you're not serious about a threesome. Because if you are you may find out OWH may want to "talk" to you about it when he finds out. But even if he doesn't you will be just another cheater.


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## MattMatt

This is not good. She is disrespecting you and her children. And the OW's husband.

Is OW a licensed masseuse/massage therapist? If so, out her to whomever handles her license. And tell her husband.


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## MattMatt

MattMatt said:


> This is not good. She is disrespecting you and her children. And the OW's husband.
> 
> Is OW a licensed masseuse/massage therapist? If so, out her to whomever handles her license. And tell her husband.


 And all the in-laws, yours and the other couple's, too.


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## Chaparral

Is the other woman married?


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## Entropy3000

Gooch78 said:


> Hi,
> I had previous posts thinking my wife might be cheating on me. Well, she just admitted that she has been having Massage session with her girlfriend.
> 
> They have kissed, rubbed each other all over. This has happened more than once, several times. She told me she loves her very much, they love each other and that she loves me, she loves her family, we have 2 kids..
> 
> *Is this cheating?? *Im really confused, does that mean she is Bi-sexual?
> 
> Im glad its not with another Man, but Im just shocked and confused. Maybe a great way to start a 3some with her best friend, atch them give each other a massage.


yes to it is cheating.

UFB to where your mind went. Good luck.


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## bfree

chapparal said:


> Is the other woman married?


Yes, OW is married with 4 children.


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## Entropy3000

Almostrecovered said:


> then tell her husband


Maybe they are having a 3some with her husband.


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## 3putt

Entropy3000 said:


> Maybe they are having a 3some with her husband.


Quite possible!


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## Chaparral

Then talk to her husband and see whats going on over there. Everything she has told you could be a lie to cover up something else. Beware


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## Acabado

Gooch78 said:


> *I know 100% she will not stop meeting this best friend of hers*, she says she trully loves her so much.. ans at the same time she loves me very much.. "WIERD". I just cant understand, supposedly its been happening for the last 2 years


Change the genders and wake up man. She's cheating,she has been gaslighting you for a while, she blatanly demands cake eating, she has scheduled another sexfest, she won't give up her AP who is married!!

This is very clear; she must choose.

-Expose her to BH (Maybe you should trick you wiofe to disclose her activities while you tape her with a VAR)
-Give your wife the rules: 
NC (starting with NC letter)
Transparence and countability of whereabouts
Full disclosure (she's f0cking this MOW)
IC, MC
...or D

On her back start monitoring to get monitor the aftermath and verify (in case she agrees). And talk to a lawyer.


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## lionsguy22

Yep, I wonder how OP would feel about the the wife's friends husband plowing his wife.


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## Kasler

Well you better get out of shock and man up before its too late. 

If you want to wait until she says she actually lesbian and leaves taking your children with her, then keep wasting time pondering the possibility of a threesome. 

Even if you get one we'll see how much its worth if you only see your kids on the weekends. 

Don't think this can't happen, men go into divorce courts with expensive lawyers, evidence of poor character, and all thinking the judge can't just screw them over just like that.

And they are all wrong, happens everyday.


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## Count of Monte Cristo

Gooch, you've been a registered user/member on TAM since March of this year. What the heck have you been doing? That's almost nine month of education that you should've gotten - yet you come across as a newbie. Have you read any of the other threads in this subforum? If you had, maybe you would've been able to have a modicum of a chance of saving your marriage. Instead, I think this one is headed for the graveyard. (I really hope that I'm wrong about my assessment.)


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## sharkeey

Hope1964 said:


> Your wife has already broken your family.
> 
> Kick her out





Broken at 20 said:


> Or you can kick your wife out.


What's with all this reckless advice?

I see it on other threads too. 

Someone's cheating so the betrayed partner is advised to kick them out. 

That's against the law people!

It's not a solution.

Of course you can "request that they leave". 

That doesn't mean they have to do it. Not unless the you've got a court order saying so. That's not very likely. Even if they're cheating you won't get much help from the courts in that regard.


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## larry.gray

keko said:


> Good luck with that.
> 
> We've seen plenty of examples how that ends. Since you'll be tasting another woman she'll ask for another man sooner or later.


The other risk is that since the other woman is married, it would only be 'fair' for the other woman's husband to sample them both too.


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## Silverlining

Wow! Wake up! Your wife is being sexually gratified by someone other than you. Call it a massage or a happy ending but its a sexual act. Why isn't your wife going to you for a massage? Oh, that's right, she's not in love with you! She's in love with her best girlfriend. But as long as your wife comes home every night and puts out, you're happy. 

Helllooo McFly????


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## Shaggy

OK, so now you know your wife has been cheating on you for 2 years.

how do you know it's only kissing, which btw is cheating. If you were kissing another person it would also be cheating. But you have only the word of a now admitted cheater to know that it hasn't gone further. For example a 3 way with the other woman's husband.

Your wife is also choosing the OW over you. She may come home at night, but she's refusing to stop cheating on you. That's not acceptable in a marriage.

Tell the OWH, and prepare to draw the line - the affair partner has got to go and the affair has got to end. You're wife is engaging in sexual activity with another person.


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## happyman64

Shaggy said:


> OK, so now you know your wife has been cheating on you for 2 years.
> 
> how do you know it's only kissing, which btw is cheating. If you were kissing another person it would also be cheating. But you have only the word of a now admitted cheater to know that it hasn't gone further. For example a 3 way with the other woman's husband.
> 
> Your wife is also choosing the OW over you. She may come home at night, but she's refusing to stop cheating on you. That's not acceptable in a marriage.
> 
> Tell the OWH, and prepare to draw the line - the affair partner has got to go and the affair has got to end. You're wife is engaging in sexual activity with another person.


Ohh Gooch you are way behind my friend.

Shaggy is right. Your wife has been cheating on you for over 2 years. The Affair is emotional and physical.

Just a Massage my @ss!

And it has probably gone further than you think.

I know you are in shock.

But you need to take action.

Document her coming and going.

Talk to the OWH without your wife knowing you are going to do this. Ask him if he kknows what is going on and approves what is going on.

If I were you I would allude to him doing your wife and that your wife admitted everything just to trick him into admitting it if he is in fact having a threesome with your wife.

Your wife is a liar. Has been a liar for 2 years.

Your wife is a cheat. Has been for 2 years.

There is another couple involved with kids as well.

What you really have is a big mess.

And your wife has already told you that she loves the OW.

If you do not act your wife and he OW might just replace both you guys!!!

Start digging for the truth. No More Mr. Nice Guy Gooch!!

HM64


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## keko

Gooch if you were kissing and rubbing and having an affair with another man for 2 years would the first thing to come to your wife's mind be a 3some with both of you or something else?


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## JCD

bfree said:


> I hate to say it but Hope is right. She needs a shock to her system in order to snap her out of this. Tell her that marriage is between two people. If there are three in a marriage there is no marriage. Either she needs to go NC or you're filing for divorce. And make sure to tell her friend's husband asap so he can work on things from his side.


There is a marriage. It is between his wife and her 'friend'. He is now the odd man out.

Is this a role you wanted?


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## ladylover

Cheating is cheating regardless if the other participant is male or female.


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## ItsGonnabeAlright

Unfortunately, Yes, she is cheating on you, even if you find it okay, because it is with another woman. The fact that you tolerate it does not exonerate it from being cheating. It's almost like saying she's cheating, but the other person is hot, so it's okay. You may be okay with it now, until they decide to add another guy into the mix. 
If she wants to be with women, that's fine, but she needs to decide who she wants to be with, instead of playing sex games with her friends.


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## JCD

Foresaking ALL others.


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## Gooch78

Its not just easy t [email protected] especially that I have 2 kids. Im sure she hasnt been with her Husband, but I can see she has had the Lesbian tendency.
Im just very confused about all. Courts is out of question and permanent divrose is also out of question, especially that kids are invloved. 
The max I can do is just separate, move to another place. My kids, I can visit everyday if I want. 
I just shocked and confused at this moment.


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## Cosmos

I fail to understand the logic in thinking that because the person your W got physical with was another woman it might not be seen as cheating. Sex is sex no matter who you have it with.

As for perhaps turning this into a threesome scenario - bad idea. Also, if your W and her friend want lesbian sex, it's doubtful that they'd want you joining in.

This should be treated as an affair, OP.


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## Gooch78

I just confronted her again, she completely doesn't see it as an affair, she thinks it ok to be feeling and sexually massaging each other.
The funny part she tells me I also Love You..
No way I would want a 3some.. 
Thank you all for your Posts! Atleast I know its not correct and is considered cheating with All.


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## warlock07

Ask her if she would consider it cheating if you hook up with another woman!!


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## Paladin

OP, why is divorce off the table? You mention kids. A divorce can be tough on kids, but having a broken model of what a health relationship between their parents should look like will do far more harm in the long run.

I also fail to understand why you would be the person to leave the home if you chose to separate. She cheated on you, you did not make her do that, she did that by choice. She should be the one to leave. 

(A bit off track, but to the poster that said kicking her out is against the law, if she is not on the deed to the house, its legal, as well as in many other circumstances)

You need to consult with an attorney about what your rights and responsibilities would be in a divorce. You need to be educated about the process.

You also need hard evidence of her affair, so please, tomorrow morning, go buy a voice activated recorder and have it on your person when you talk to her about this situation again. Get her to name the woman, what they have been doing and when/where. Since she is not hiding things, I should be fairly simple to get this on tape.

The evidence will help you if you decide to try and save the marriage or go the D route.

You need to start seeing an individual counselor to work on your boundaries and to help you cope with the infidelity that is taking place in your marriage.

If you are set in reconciliation, you have to end the affair. expose it to the other womans husband, without telling your wife first, after you have the tape to back up the claim. Then tell your wife she has to go no contact with her affair partner, or your marriage has no chance.


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## Gooch78

Hi Paladin,

Where we come from, if a Man asks for Divorse without prrof or reason, he looses everything and will pay monthly like crazy, even access to kids.
On the other hand, If a women asks for a divorce without reason, she would loose all her rights.

To get hard evidence is quite difficult, I defenitly will try video caming or place a wireless webcam.


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## SomedayDig

So, as brought up earlier, you've been registered here since March and you sound like a total noob with your situation. Why did you sign up and wait so long?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RandomDude

I'm surprised you're not even worried at all about her dishonesty. Stop thinking with your penis for a second, if you let her get away with this what's to stop her having it with a MAN? You're enabling her and even encouraging her to cheat by accepting her affair with this woman.

"God gave us men both a penis and a brain, but only enough blood to run one at a time"
- Robin Williams

Would I find it hot if my wife has sex with another woman? HELL YES
If she approached me to have a threesome with me and another woman, what would I say? HELL YES!
Would I forgive her for lying to me and CHEATING on me? HELL NO!

But that's just me


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## Remains

Get the VAR too. Record your chats with her and places she might talk on the phone or in a room she might have her friend round at your house. 

That divorce situation sounds weird! All good that the person who breaks up the family intentionally loses out, but when someone antagonises and provokes a divorce, yet your hands are tied...crazy. Get a PI to take pics. Throw her out til she comes to her senses that sex is sex is sex. A marriage is for 2, not 3. She sounds thick as pig sh*t if she truly believes she does nothing wrong! She is most likely gaslighting/manipulating you so she gets to keep her cake. She probably knows exactly what she is doing and how it is wrong. 

What is her answer to you bringing a woman home too? Or having a male friend whom you share masturbation with? A 'friend' you want to spend ALL your free time with. Put it to her that her affair is making her neglect her family. What if everyone did what she was doing? What does she do for her husband? Children?


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## dogman

Gooch78 said:


> Hi,
> I had previous posts thinking my wife might be cheating on me. Well, she just admitted that she has been having Massage session with her girlfriend.
> 
> They have kissed, rubbed each other all over. This has happened more than once, several times. She told me she loves her very much, they love each other and that she loves me, she loves her family, we have 2 kids..
> 
> Is this cheating?? Im really confused, does that mean she is Bi-sexual?
> 
> Im glad its not with another Man, but Im just shocked and confused. Maybe a great way to start a 3some with her best friend, atch them give each other a massage.


Hi Gooch, I didn't read anything in this thread except your first posting but, I'll just say this... Have a construction company and I can name 4 different guys that I know personally who have had their wives leave them for another woman. It actually seemed to hurt them more and take longer to get over than the guys who went through normal D situations.

It's confusing but will destroy your marriage as sure as any other cheating. 
A real man will never be as sensitive and caring as another woman. OW is competing with you in a game you dont know how to play.

Kill it ASAP.


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## Count of Monte Cristo

dogman said:


> Kill it ASAP.


Too late. He let it go on for too long.

Gooch, you sound more concerned about your financial situation than your mental well-being.

You can always make back the money you lose in the divorce settlement.

Your dignity is somewhat more difficult to restore. Stop being a nice guy and take action.

Kick her out of the marital home (oh wait... ask her to leave - which she will because she'll be thinking about all the massages that she can get now without your interference.)


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## Pault

Look fella. Your W is playing an old card here. The touching another woman is not cheating because its not hetrosexual sex. RUBBISH! As pointed out - in marrisge vows it doesnt say Foresaking others of the opposit sex it says *foresaking ALL others *. Full stop. It doesnt say its ok to lay hands all over including touching the other female parts but not entering the other parties genitals using fingers or toys as acceptable. Its still sexual contact. If there is a sexual relief then there is sexual contact SIMPLE AS THAT.
You need to get a grip here. She has admitted sexual contact whether she sees it as such does not matter in law. Its her denial that is the issue here. Dont keep pushing her to admit it she wont.
Its now a cse of she stops - Tell the other H whats been said and if you can yep. record it and play it to him so he hears it that way the 2 wives cannot deny and make you look a fool. Dont tell her your going to do anything, they will create a smoke and mirrors effect. Be prepared for the other H to tell you he either knows and is ok, watches and enjoys it or even joins in. Dont let these things supprise you but make it open. Get legal advice asap. Then tell her to stop, no contact ever open communication monitor and watch. If shes not prepared to go with you then shes made her mind up to wander and the future will see her try someone/thing else that will hurt even more.


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## Kasler

If divorce is completely off the table then enjoy the **** life.


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## Shaggy

Gooch you ignored the option of telling the OWH and exposing your wife's cheating.

IF she still thinks it's not an affair and not cheating. Then have the OW come over and have her and you do the things she and your wife do, while you both send your wife out shopping. And I mean to do this with your wife's full knowledge. You'll quickly find that they OW and your wife won't go for it. 

But if it's not cheating then there should be no problem with you massaging and kissing the other women right? I mean it's not cheating after all.


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## Kasler

Shaggy said:


> Gooch you ignored the option of telling the OWH and exposing your wife's cheating.
> 
> IF she still thinks it's not an affair and not cheating. Then have the OW come over and have her and you do the things she and your wife do, while you both send your wife out shopping. And I mean to do this with your wife's full knowledge. You'll quickly find that they OW and your wife won't go for it.
> 
> But if it's not cheating then there should be no problem with you massaging and kissing the other women right? I mean it's not cheating after all.


Thats risky.

With how loopy his wife's perceptions are I just think it'd make things more toxic. 

Cheaters rarely respond to that logic in face of their own hypocrisy, and with gooch thinking of a million reasons to do nothing its not like being shown another way of how his wife is pissing on him is going to get him to take action.

And yeah she is most likely banging her friend's husband as well.


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## 3putt

warlock07 said:


> Ask her if she would consider it cheating if you hook up with another woman!!


Or how about another _man_?


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## chillymorn

shes cake eating. until the kids are gone then you will be gone also! kick the poor excuse of a person to the curb.


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## AlphaHalf

not sure how anyone can help you when you wont do whats neccesary like exposing her relationship to the husband.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## shagnasty

I think i like that always wanted my wife to make out with another woman she almost did one time they were kissing and playing with each other when the kids all came running in, (they kids didn't know what was going on) but broke their love making up. I shared her with this friend of mine for many years as she liked strange stuff and i enjoyed watching them have sex, do what feels good, i'd love my wife fooling around noe she don't want any sex so i have to get my own strange stuff, didn't know a man tasted so good


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## warlock07

3putt said:


> Or how about another _man_?


Doesn't work that way. The idea here is multiple partners. A 2nd partner that OP might want depending on his preference.


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## 3putt

warlock07 said:


> Doesn't work that way. The idea here is multiple partners. A 2nd partner that OP might want depending on his preference.


I was simply wondering how his WW would feel if he were doing the same thing she is, but with a man.

As far as multiple partners are concerned, that can take shape in many different ways. None of which are good though...not in marriage.


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## Gooch78

Ill be trying to record her talking about her relationship with her 'best freind". In court a voice recorder does no good and can actually land me in Jail for breaking privacy and recording without approvals. But if I install a camera at home, thats a completely different story.
Yes there is Financial reasons I just cant throw her out, its a 50/50 business we own and it can get really messy, especially when its a 7 digit turn over.
Im actually thinking myself of getting a girlfirend, as Im just no longer interested or turned on by her.


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## sharkeey

Gooch78 said:


> Ill be trying to record her talking about her relationship with her 'best freind". In court a voice recorder does no good and can actually land me in Jail for breaking privacy and recording without approvals. But if I install a camera at home, thats a completely different story.


In most if not all states and courts, affairs don't matter when it comes to getting divorced and splitting up assets, awards of support, etc.

If you want a divorce, then file for divorce and get on with your life, forget about cameras and recordings and all that it won't earn you any points with the judge. Odds are you'll settle out of court anyway, most do because it's too expensive to fight it out all the way to trial.

As far as the 3some goes, since you sound like you're headed for divorce court anyway, why not have some fun with the two of them before pulling the plug? It's an opportunity of a lifetime for most guys and it might not cum your way again.


----------



## JCD

Gooch78 said:


> Ill be trying to record her talking about her relationship with her 'best freind". In court a voice recorder does no good and can actually land me in Jail for breaking privacy and recording without approvals. But if I install a camera at home, thats a completely different story.
> Yes there is Financial reasons I just cant throw her out, its a 50/50 business we own and it can get really messy, especially when its a 7 digit turn over.
> Im actually thinking myself of getting a girlfirend, as Im just no longer interested or turned on by her.


So...how long have you been sexually ignoring your wife?


----------



## Gooch78

Ive been active... but for the last 6 month we have been fighting like crazy... Since her best friend came into our lives, almost 2 years ago, things just completely changed. 
Things really are clear now... What funny she just told me I love you more than her.. Hilarious.... 
Im just waiting for the right time.. actually I really dont give a crap anymore, living together and having separate lives is perfect for me, I can date and see whoever I want. PERFECT!
As long as my kids dont feel the affect Im perfectly ok.


----------



## sharkeey

Gooch78 said:


> actually I really dont give a crap anymore, living together and having separate lives is perfect for me, I can date and see whoever I want. PERFECT!
> As long as my kids dont feel the affect Im perfectly ok.


Really? You could spend the rest of your life married to, and living with a woman that you have no intimacy with, and you'll just go out and date and see whoever you want?

Lets think this through. Lets assume you really are ok living with her and that your kids won't be adversely affected by the dysfunctionality of the whole thing- you know, living with two parents who don't show each other any affection whatsoever.

You go out and start dating, you meet a potential dating partner, and here you are at dinner, and you start discussing your situation..

"Sure I live with my wife (and kids) but she's a lesbian with a gay lover and we are married living separate lives and we're going to stay married and live together forever but that won't stop me from having a relationship with someone else so let's get to know each other better. Do you want to go back to your place after dinner, we sure can't go back to mine!".

Potential dating partner "Check please!"

You're not being practical


----------



## Gooch78

Im really, just sooooo confused. Im just glad that she hasnt denied and been honest. She told me she wishes she never said anything. But things are getting clearer and clearer.
Thanks all for your posts.


----------



## DarkHoly

Numbersixxx said:


> If you have some common decency, you will tell OWH.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yeah. To the OP I know that the possibility of a threesome seems very enticing, but trust me, this is not the makeup of a successful one. There needs to be total transparency for group sex to work, and your wife has not given it to you, and her paramour has not given it to her husband. 

You should tell her husband now. My two cents.


----------



## johnnycomelately

Gooch78 said:


> Ive been active... but for the last 6 month we have been fighting like crazy... Since her best friend came into our lives, almost 2 years ago, things just completely changed.
> Things really are clear now... What funny she just told me I love you more than her.. Hilarious....
> Im just waiting for the right time.. actually I really dont give a crap anymore, living together and having separate lives is perfect for me, I can date and see whoever I want. PERFECT!
> As long as my kids dont feel the affect Im perfectly ok.


Unfortunately your kids will feel the effects, and they are already. Bad vibes in a marriage always have a negative effect on kids. Divorce is just a legal process, it is the atmosphere that does the damage.


----------



## Chaparral

Ask her what the OW's husband thinks about this.

Then without her knowledge, talk to him about it and see if he really knows whats going on.

She loves you more because the two of them can't get together permanantly for whatever reason.

Did you tell her that what she has done has totally f*cked up your realtionship?


----------



## ladybird

There is no room for 3 in a marriage, regardless if the other person is a man or a woman!


----------



## bfree

Gooch,

Several people have advised strongly that you need to seek out and expose this to your wife's friend's husband. Yet you keep talking around that suggestion. Can you please let us know why it is that you are afraid to talk to him?


----------



## warlock07

So open marriage?


----------



## TRy

Gooch78 said:


> I know 100% she will not stop meeting this best friend of hers, she says she trully loves her so much.. ans at the same time she loves me very much.. "WIERD". I just cant understand, supposedly its been happening for the last 2 years


 Tell your wife that having sex and loving someone else male or female is cheating and that there cannot be three in a marraige. Tell her that she must pick either you or her lover and no answer will be treated as not picking you. If she does not pick you, openly set up a meeting with an attorney to learn what your rights really are and being to discuss with her the terms of the divorce. Also, tell the other woman's husband.


----------



## TRy

Gooch78 said:


> I just confronted her again, she completely doesn't see it as an affair, she thinks it ok to be feeling and sexually massaging each other.


 Tell her that it does not matter that she admits to it being cheating or not because you know that it is cheating and that you will deal with it accordingly. Hire a PI to have him and someone else hide to hear the conversation. Then you will have 2 witnesses when you file.


----------



## happyman64

Gooch78 said:


> Im really, just sooooo confused. Im just glad that she hasnt denied and been honest. She told me she wishes she never said anything. *But things are getting clearer and clearer.*Thanks all for your posts.


Things are getting clearer because you are finally getting some truth and putting all the puzzle pieces together.

You need to talk to OW's husband soon. 

And do not tell your wife you are going to speak to him.

And bluff him in the beginning. Tell him your wife has told you everything.

Ask him how long he and his wife have been doing your wife?

Make it seem like you are cool with it.

Bluff. Get the truth.


----------



## Tony55

Gooch78 said:


> Ive been active... but for the last 6 month we have been fighting like crazy... Since her best friend came into our lives, almost 2 years ago, things just completely changed.
> 
> I really dont give a crap anymore, living together and having separate lives is perfect for me, I can date and see whoever I want. PERFECT!


This is completely unacceptable, I'm sorry Gooch, you have a very dark future in store for you. You should have been on top of your game as soon as you noticed the change in your relationship two years ago. Now it's too late, it's over, six months of fighting like crazy is most likely rooted in at least six months of homosexual behavior between two gay women; you've lost the battle. In you're own words, _"I know 100% she will not stop meeting this best friend of hers, she says she truly loves her so much."_

You're 100% sure the ship is sinking, and what..., what? What the hell are you going to do??? Seriously? Everyone else got in the lifeboats, but not you, no sir, you'll go down with the ship. OK.

I suppose I should at least offer something, but what, I don't know, you're going down anyway... well there is one thing I guess... FIRE THE DAMNED FLARES, send out a message, radio a mayday, let the world know your ship is sinking and why it sunk, make sure they know you're staying with the ship because you wanted to do the honorable thing by your kids. And finally, in your last message out, tell the world that you weren't in command of the ship when things went bad... that it was 2nd in command, first officer (gay woman's name here) that had the helm at the time... 

_(I'm not an expose to the world advocate, but this one... this one takes the cake.)_

T


----------



## Gooch78

If I tell her Husband, he defenitly will hurt her really bad, physically. His wife, is not only with my wife getting intimate, she has been having an affair with 1 guy for 3 years. 
Ontop of that, her 1st son from her Husband is not his, and he has no idea. 
I wouldnt want to involve her part of the family, they have 4 kids and from a really poor background. I can get really messy and dangerous.
Its a matter of time how I will sort things out, I need to think logical and think to secure the benefit of my kids and myself. Its a matter of time until everything is exposed.


----------



## AlphaHalf

When is it a matter of time? Who, what, where and how is everything going to be exposed??? Why are you suddenly feeling sorry and making excuses for a women who is [email protected]#king your wife and ruining your marriage. Your the one in the FOG.


----------



## Kasler

AlphaHalf said:


> When is it a matter of time? Who, what, where and how is everything going to be exposed??? Why are you suddenly feeling sorry and making excuses for a women who is [email protected]#king your wife and ruining your marriage. Your the one in the FOG.


Agreed, BS fog is very strong

What Gooch fails to realize, is that when you don't blow up an affair you're only setting the stage for another. 

Hes already dead set on allowing her to waltz back into the marriage. 

And now he doesn't want to expose her either. 

So she'll get off scot free, no many bouts of yelling or mean looks he gives.

She also won't change her loose sensibilities that caused the affair in the first place.

With how this is going a 2nd affair in the future is all but guaranteed, maybe with a man next time.


----------



## JCD

Gooch78 said:


> If I tell her Husband, he defenitly will hurt her really bad, physically. His wife, is not only with my wife getting intimate, she has been having an affair with 1 guy for 3 years.
> Ontop of that, her 1st son from her Husband is not his, and he has no idea.
> I wouldnt want to involve her part of the family, they have 4 kids and from a really poor background. I can get really messy and dangerous.
> Its a matter of time how I will sort things out, I need to think logical and think to secure the benefit of my kids and myself. Its a matter of time until everything is exposed.


You know all this...how? Did she take you into her confidance? Did your wife tell you? When? When it was convienient to justify her massages? Have you considered she MIGHT be lying to protect revelation which works against her desires?

Or do you know this independently? If so, you've allowed this woman to hurt her husband for 3 years. Do you expect sympathy for this? If you ignored this woman's infidelity for this long...well...she finally got around to your wife. Feel good about keeping her secrets now? No?

One day when the OW is home, I would tell her: "I intend on telling your husband about your myriad affairs. You came after my wife and I owe you NOTHING. So I am because I don't want to see you dead, I am giving you a two hour head start. Go find somewhere safe to be far away from here and away from my wife. Just so you know...if you intend on bringing my wife along with you, I have already removed all the money from the accounts and have the credit card companies informed that there are to be NO cash withdrawals. Steal your husband's money if you will...but this ends NOW. You have two hours...NOW!"

Then walk out.


----------



## Kasler

^ Thats far too alpha for him most likely.


----------



## Gooch78

I recently found out about her affair, my wife was lying to me the whole time, I was suspecting her "girlfriend" was having one. 
Her husband confronted me and actually busted her with voice messages. 
Im looking things at so many different ways, I wont allow my emotions to take over especially when there is Financial reasons behind this. If she wasnt connected to me financially, i would have thrown her our Direct. we have property connected to each other, I have a business that making $ 2million a year. I cant just throw her out. There are many things I need to prepare and fix for my benefit before doing that.
I have lawyer friends, that max is that I end up paying crazy money for them, then the serious part is when Who gets the Kids.. Where I live, it takes 3 years for actual divorce if Kids are involved. Unless I have 100% solid proof then I can move forward and make it much faster and she would loose everything.


----------



## JCD

Okay. Good. We are getting to the nitty gritty.

At this point, you value your property and business more than you value your wife. And I can't say I blame you. No doubt you weren't perfect, but considering her recent actions, she's no prize either.

Honestly, you don't know if she loves you, or loves being in the position to buy the nuru massage gel and huge air mattress for her slip sliding fun. Having the nice car. The nice clothes. She has as much to lose financialy as you do.

So...what to do. You will hear advocates of 'well, a good woman is worth any amount of money.' But is she a good woman?

Change your accounts. Keep a firm look on the credit cards. Set a distinct limit on hers. Slowly change the credit cards so there are fewer joint cards and more single person cards. Do this slowly...or all at once "My wallet was stolen. We need new cards"

Then go on vacation. Alone. Go someplace fun. Don't give her much notice on your plans. Clear your internet history a LOT. Delete cookies. Use cash. Go get your head on straight. Sit in the sun and drink with the only thing bouncing in your mind is the bikinis walking around. Don't screw anyone. Just...depressurize.

Before you leave, have some shark lawyers give you some expensive and rock solid advice. Use two to check their work. 

Seems like an open marriage will work for you. Problem is that your bunny may eventually want to be the new Mrs. Gooch.

I also wonder if you are lying to us. Now you say the husband knows?

Exactly who knows what about whom?


----------



## bfree

Gooch78 said:


> I recently found out about her affair, my wife was lying to me the whole time, I was suspecting her "girlfriend" was having one.
> Her husband confronted me and actually busted her with voice messages.
> Im looking things at so many different ways, I wont allow my emotions to take over especially when there is Financial reasons behind this. If she wasnt connected to me financially, i would have thrown her our Direct. we have property connected to each other, I have a business that making $ 2million a year. I cant just throw her out. There are many things I need to prepare and fix for my benefit before doing that.
> I have lawyer friends, that max is that I end up paying crazy money for them, then the serious part is when Who gets the Kids.. Where I live, it takes 3 years for actual divorce if Kids are involved. Unless I have 100% solid proof then I can move forward and make it much faster and she would loose everything.


How much is your self respect worth? Can you put a dollar amount on it?


----------



## JCD

bfree said:


> How much is your self respect worth? Can you put a dollar amount on it?


I have just come from Bangkok and seen a thousand girls who do not have the luxury of self respect and they can put it's price in very definite monetary terms.

Frankly, he is lucky to have the choice. Their choices are...limited.

I can stroll down the streets of India and show you a million and more.

So...it has a great value, yes. But it is not the only value. Only he can make a distinction of how much he sells out for. We all sell out. Some of us make better bargains than others.


----------



## Count of Monte Cristo

Gooch, if you want real help from this forum I suggest that you give us all relevant information in advance. Otherwise, we're all just wasting our time.


----------



## SomedayDig

Count of Monte Cristo said:


> Gooch, if you want real help from this forum I suggest that you give us all relevant information in advance. Otherwise, we're all just wasting our time.


:iagree:

This seems more like fantasy than anything.


----------



## Gooch78

How can I write all the info over 3 years... impossible, it would be a book! Anyways, thanks all for your posts.


----------



## SomedayDig

Ummm...I've written about 90% of the info of the last 5 years...not that hard. Funny when some think their situation is soooo hard. There are people here who have written about stuff that happened DECADES ago. You're not different.

Good luck. I'm out.


----------



## Count of Monte Cristo

SomedayDig said:


> Ummm...I've written about 90% of the info of the last 5 years...not that hard. Funny when some think their situation is soooo hard. There are people here who have written about stuff that happened DECADES ago. You're not different.
> 
> Good luck. I'm out.


:iagree:

Leaving stuff out like you have a $2M a year business and that the OW has had multiple affairs that you know about and the OWH is likely to kill her - yeah that takes a lot of writing.

Someday Dig, wait up... I'm out too.


----------



## Silverlining

Gooch,

It appears you're here to vent your frustrations. You really don't want to take action, you just want to wine and complain about it. You know what you need to do but you have an excuse for everything. 

Several people have taken time from their lives to give you sound advice. Yet, you continue on with the status quo. We are seven pages into this thread, and nine months since you first posted. Nothing has changed!!

Again, what is it you want from us??

You are dangling the carrot, Troll. Next, you're gonna say your wife's girlfriends illegitimate child is yours. Next time call Jerry Springer.


----------



## sharkeey

Gooch78 said:


> Where I live, it takes 3 years for actual divorce if Kids are involved.


Yes, 3 years is about right for a high asset, highly contested divorce, that's how long mine was.



Gooch78 said:


> Unless I have 100% solid proof then I can move forward and make it much faster and she would loose everything.


Not true, unless you live in a place where there are still "fault" divorces and the courts actually consider infidelity when making their decisions. 

Most courts don't care about infidelity, they just look at the hard numbers and if there's a custody dispute, who would be the better primary caregiver and if the kids are old enough, who they prefer to live with.

So for you to say "I need to get proof so she will lose everything" may be a huge misconception on your part. No matter what, the courts won't leave her penniless just because she cheated. She has legal rights to some of the joint marital assets (and maybe a chunk of your business) regardless of her transgressions.

And yes you're going to take a huge financial hit. So what? You can't stay in a bad marriage indefinitely just to save a bunch of money. The longer you wait the worse it's going to be.

You've got a 2 million dollar a year business. You'll earn it back.


----------



## Shaggy

Gooch78 said:


> If I tell her Husband, he defenitly will hurt her really bad, physically. His wife, is not only with my wife getting intimate, she has been having an affair with 1 guy for 3 years.
> Ontop of that, her 1st son from her Husband is not his, and he has no idea.
> I wouldnt want to involve her part of the family, they have 4 kids and from a really poor background. I can get really messy and dangerous.
> Its a matter of time how I will sort things out, I need to think logical and think to secure the benefit of my kids and myself. Its a matter of time until everything is exposed.


Soo Gooch - you're wife is now officially a involved with a swinger, and it's even less likely that this is only kissing. The OW is a full on serial cheater, and most likely includes your wife in her full lifestyle. I'm betting threesomes with the men she's cheating on your husband with.

she's also coaching your wife to be just like her and to lie and minimize things to you.

she's also helping her cover times for her to go out and cheat on you.


The OW is not your friend and in fact she is a major threat to your family. Why would you keep her secrets from her husband.

the best way to get her out of your wife's life is to not only expose to her husband, but to make sure he and she know the info was given freely by your wife.


----------



## Shaggy

Her husband won't attack her. He'll throw her out and cut her off.


----------



## sharkeey

Shaggy said:


> Her husband won't attack her. He'll throw her out and cut her off.


How do you know what her husband will do?


----------



## Kasler

^ How does gooch know what her husband will do. 

Let me guess, his wife whose currently engaged in an affair or OW who is currently sexing his wife told him. 

Very credible sources indeed.


----------



## keko

It's only a matter of time before your wife gets STD from her wh0ring gf and its only a matter of time till she infects you as well. You need to put a stop to this ASAP for your own and kids sake. Expose to the OW's husband and at the same time draw a firm line to your wife, either she stops it or is out of the door. Of course you can't kick her out legally but pretend until she believes you're dead serious.


----------



## keko

Gooch78 said:


> If I tell her Husband, he defenitly will hurt her really bad, physically. His wife, is not only with my wife getting intimate, she has been having an affair with 1 guy for 3 years.
> Ontop of that, her 1st son from her Husband is not his, and he has no idea.
> I wouldnt want to involve her part of the family, they have 4 kids and from a really poor background. I can get really messy and dangerous.
> Its a matter of time how I will sort things out, I need to think logical and think to secure the benefit of my kids and myself. Its a matter of time until everything is exposed.


Gooch, you've been on this site for months and you still don't know exposing the affair is the 1st step?

Until you expose to your wife's family and the gf's family, the affair will never stop and slowly kill any chance of saving your family.

Call that husband and ask to meet him for a coffee or a lunch some where private and tell him what you know. Ask him to help you, such as keeping his wife away from yours.


----------



## weightlifter

Get evidence of the cheating then tell her since she cheats he gets some on the side too. Won't break up the affair? Fine.
Hmmm He may actually be someone where an open marriage would work. Dude you are rich. Time to head to the closest college town and let it slip you are thinking of a Caribbean cruise in the big suite and are soooooo lonely. Rich dudes looking for sex companions on vacation, even old ones, score young hot women easy.


----------



## committedwife

Gooch78 said:


> Yes we do have sex.. She is supposedly getting a Super Massage from her "friend", they dont finger each other but they feel each other completley naked including the private parts.. they have occationly kiss.
> She says she enjoys it very much with her girl friend and actually they Love each other. Her friend is also married with 4 kids.


What does the OWs husband think about this? Have you talked to him? That's your first move.


----------



## committedwife

Gooch78 said:


> Yes we do have sex.. She is supposedly getting a Super Massage from her "friend", they dont finger each other but they feel each other completley naked including the private parts.. they have occationly kiss.
> She says she enjoys it very much with her girl friend and actually they Love each other. Her friend is also married with 4 kids.


What the hell is a 'super' massage? Color me stupid, but if my spouse told me a guy was giving him a 'super' massage I'd have a huge issue with it.


----------



## Shaggy

The OWH isn't the beast she claims. If he was she wouldn't be cheating on him for years with many partners. She wouldn't be passing another mans kid off as his. If he was such a beast then why would she be living the cheaters lifestyle that she is.

No, he is a victim her of her deceit, and of her lies. She's painted a picture of him. So no one will expose her. This is very common for cheaters. 

She's corrupted the OPs wife. She's taught her to be s sleepy cheater just like her. She has taught her to lie, and minimize and misdirect.

There has likely been threesomes with her OM, etc.

The OP has just a small picture of how much he really has been betrayed.


And he still wont expose.


----------



## keko

Shaggy said:


> There has likely been threesomes with her OM, etc.


Agreed.

Once there is a toxic friend that condones cheating the possibilities are endless. Given how the gf is having a few affair's herself its not too far fetched to think your wife was involved with these guy(s) as well.

OP, when you actually decide to take the matters into your own hand, give us updates on how it goes maybe we can give you valuable advice along the way.


----------



## bfree

Shaggy said:


> The OWH isn't the beast she claims. If he was she wouldn't be cheating on him for years with many partners. She wouldn't be passing another mans kid off as his. If he was such a beast then why would she be living the cheaters lifestyle that she is.
> 
> No, he is a victim her of her deceit, and of her lies. She's painted a picture of him. So no one will expose her. This is very common for cheaters.
> 
> She's corrupted the OPs wife. She's taught her to be s sleepy cheater just like her. She has taught her to lie, and minimize and misdirect.
> 
> There has likely been threesomes with her OM, etc.
> 
> The OP has just a small picture of how much he really has been betrayed.
> 
> 
> And he still wont expose.


Why is it that otherwise successful people can live their lives with their head in the sand?


----------



## Count of Monte Cristo

bfree said:


> Why is it that otherwise successful people can live their lives with their head in the sand?


Success is relative.


----------



## HappyHubby

Shaggy said:


> The OWH isn't the beast she claims. If he was she wouldn't be cheating on him for years with many partners. She wouldn't be passing another mans kid off as his. If he was such a beast then why would she be living the cheaters lifestyle that she is.
> 
> No, he is a victim her of her deceit, and of her lies. She's painted a picture of him. So no one will expose her. This is very common for cheaters.
> 
> She's corrupted the OPs wife. She's taught her to be s sleepy cheater just like her. She has taught her to lie, and minimize and misdirect.
> 
> There has likely been threesomes with her OM, etc.
> 
> The OP has just a small picture of how much he really has been betrayed.
> 
> 
> And he still wont expose.


THIS. 

To re-iterate what he's saying: always determine where the incentives lie. There is a HUGE incentive for OW to paint the picture of her husband in this way. If her story is believed then essentially someone is condemning her to death for exposing her. What BS! You can't trust this. 

Here's what you can do: expose to OWH and tell him that you will work together on it but if he physically harms his WW then you will tell police. 

I'm very curious, what country is this?! North America needs some new laws going in that direction. Bring back fault divorces!


----------



## rossfamily21

Gooch78 said:


> Hi,
> I had previous posts thinking my wife might be cheating on me. Well, she just admitted that she has been having Massage session with her girlfriend.
> 
> They have kissed, rubbed each other all over. This has happened more than once, several times. She told me she loves her very much, they love each other and that she loves me, she loves her family, we have 2 kids..
> 
> Is this cheating?? Im really confused, does that mean she is Bi-sexual?
> 
> Im glad its not with another Man, but Im just shocked and confused. Maybe a great way to start a 3some with her best friend, atch them give each other a massage.



You know your wife and you've seen her naked and all that good stuff but this other woman is a completely different person. You have no clue how she feels about that im willing to bet that if you asked her she would say no. She doesn't want you she wants your wife. I highly doubt any 3some will ever come from this, at best they'd let you watch them kiss. Cheating is cheating. But if you are willing to let your wife do this and still keep your family in tact than that is up to you. All parties must feel happy, fulfilled and respected.


----------



## Hortensia

It's cheating if it crosses the boundaries. 

With you unaware that she is bisexual, no boundaries have been established in regards to same sex make-out. Have you had any suspicions about her dual sexual inclinations? Have you discussed how you felt about it ? 

You feel confused and shocked because you just found out about her lesbian fling. Some people ( including me ) would not be bothered too much if their spouses indulged in gay activity, but would be very hurt by an affair with the opposite sex. You have to sort out how you feel about it. Discuss it with her and establish boundaries. If your boundaries include "no play with your girlfriends " and she does it again, then it will be cheating.

Right now, it's all on an ambiguos line. She may not think that lesbian act is cheating in a straight marriage. Boundaries !


----------



## keko

OP is a liar and a cheat himself, http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/65759-having-affair.html


----------



## Hortensia

True. Just read the other thread and gave him my advice on that matter.
The wife's lesbian escapade is a child's play compared to his major emotional betrayal. He is in love with OW. At least the wife didn't cheat with a man, and has not given her heart to someone else.

Anyway, I don't think the other thread should hijack this one, this has a different theme: "is same sex intercourse considered adultery? "


----------



## MattMatt

Hortensia said:


> True. Just read the other thread and gave him my advice on that matter.
> The wife's lesbian escapade is a child's play compared to his major emotional betrayal. He is in love with OW. *At least the wife didn't cheat with a man,* and has not given her heart to someone else.
> 
> Anyway, I don't think the other thread should hijack this one, this has a different theme: "is same sex intercourse considered adultery? "


So, you are perfectly happy with the idea of a man cheating with a man and a woman cheating with a woman? 

*Seriously?*

My first LTR ended when my girlfriend left me for another woman.

But I suppose you'd have told me: "Cheer up, Matt! At least she hasn't left you for another man!"

The reality was that I was shattered and heartbroken and didn't date for several years, until a concerned married couple I knew set me up on a blind date.


----------



## Hortensia

MattMatt said:


> So, you are perfectly happy with the idea of a man cheating with a man and a woman cheating with a woman?
> 
> *Seriously?*
> 
> My first LTA ended when my girlfriend left me for another woman.
> 
> But I suppose you'd have told me: "Cheer up, Matt! At least she hasn't left you for another man!"
> 
> The reality was that I was shattered and heartbroken and didn't date for several years, until a concerned married couple I knew set me up on a blind date.


Awwww, Matt ! I'm so sorry to hear about your experience.
What I stated is just how I FEEL. I just can't be jealous of a man. And I'm a very jealous person. I love my H to death. But for some reason, if he was bi and screwed a guy right near me, I could be very well reading a book. I just don't feel jealous of men. He has a close friend he used to be inseparable with, I used to tease him about "doing" him. I was never threatened by the mere idea, though.
It may be because I feel curious about sex with a girl and may be myself a bisexual inside. I never acted on the curiousity as I don't want to open Pandora's box. But while I find myself attracted sometimes to girls, I could never fall in love with one. But, again, this is ME. How I FEEL about it. I recognize other people feel different...again, so sorry that your ex was among those 
I guess since I feel unable to fall in love with a woman, and since the emotions are so important to me in my marriage, I tend to believe my H too couldn't fall in love with a man, if he was interested in bi. Therefore I wouldn't feel threatened. Of course, he is not gay or bi, and this is just hypothethical speaking, and just how I FEEL. 

I am not trying to enforce my opinion and my view on anybody. 
Other people feel differently about the matter, had a different experience, or just look at homosexuality from a different side. I was only speaking for MYSELF- hope I didn't offend you, MattMatt,coz was the last thing I intended to do.

AS FOR THE OP, QUOTE FROM HIS FIRST POST : "Im glad its not with another Man, but Im just shocked and confused". Therefore my comment that at least she didn't cheat with a man and she didn't give her heart to someone else ( as he confessed he has done, in a different thread)


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## MattMatt

Hortensia said:


> Awwww, Matt ! I'm so sorry to hear about your experience.
> What I stated is just how I FEEL. I just can't be jealous of a man. And I'm a very jealous person. I love my H to death. But for some reason, if he was bi and screwed a guy right near me, I could be very well reading a book. I just don't feel jealous of men. He has a close friend he used to be inseparable with, I used to tease him about "doing" him. I was never threatened by the mere idea, though.
> It may be because I feel curious about sex with a girl and may be myself a bisexual inside. I never acted on the curiousity as I don't want to open Pandora's box. But while I find myself attracted sometimes to girls, I could never fall in love with one. But, again, this is ME. How I FEEL about it. I recognize other people feel different...again, so sorry that your ex was among those
> I guess since I feel unable to fall in love with a woman, and since the emotions are so important to me in my marriage, I tend to believe my H too couldn't fall in love with a man, if he was interested in bi. Therefore I wouldn't feel threatened. Of course, he is not gay or bi, and this is just hypothethical speaking, and just how I FEEL.
> 
> I am not trying to enforce my opinion and my view on anybody.
> Other people feel differently about the matter, had a different experience, or just look at homosexuality from a different side. I was only speaking for MYSELF- hope I didn't offend you, MattMatt,coz was the last thing I intended to do.
> 
> AS FOR THE OP, QUOTE FROM HIS FIRST POST : "Im glad its not with another Man, but Im just shocked and confused". Therefore my comment that at least she didn't cheat with a man and she didn't give her heart to someone else ( as he confessed he has done, in a different thread)


Thanks.

It was 32 years ago. I still sometimes think of her, now. She was 28, I was 22, she had 3 kids and I loved her. (I still love her, I think) And I wanted to marry her, but it wasn't to be.


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## Tony55

Hortensia said:


> Anyway, I don't think the other thread should hijack this one, this has a different theme: "is same sex intercourse considered adultery? "


Hortensia, your position on this makes a mockery of, and belittles homosexual relationships, you're discounting their desire for someone of the same gender as frivolous and not to be taken seriously.

T


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## Shaggy

Hortensia said:


> It's cheating if it crosses the boundaries.
> 
> With you unaware that she is bisexual, no boundaries have been established in regards to same sex make-out. Have you had any suspicions about her dual sexual inclinations? Have you discussed how you felt about it ?
> 
> You feel confused and shocked because you just found out about her lesbian fling. Some people ( including me ) would not be bothered too much if their spouses indulged in gay activity, but would be very hurt by an affair with the opposite sex. You have to sort out how you feel about it. Discuss it with her and establish boundaries. If your boundaries include "no play with your girlfriends " and she does it again, then it will be cheating.
> 
> Right now, it's all on an ambiguos line. She may not think that lesbian act is cheating in a straight marriage. Boundaries !


It not at all ambiguous. It's a betrayal of trust of have a sexual encounter with another person unless your spouse has approved it.

From your writing it sounds like you think that if you haven't been told not to do it, then it's ambiguous and fair game.

Of course, I kinda think the forsake all others vow kinda covers agreeing to not have sex with others,.


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## the guy

Shaggy said:


> Of course, I kinda think the forsake all others vow kinda covers agreeing to not have sex with others,.


So even the dog is off limits?


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## Pault

@ Gooch and other sufferers of this type of relationship. when asking is a person in a marridge having sexula contqact with someone of their own sex cheating the its easily answered YES.....

The vow says "forsaking all others" and not forsaking all others of an opposite sex only but same sex is ok. Any sexual contact is classed as a betrail of the marriage vow, it doesnt matter if the contact is with a stripper, prostitute, next doors dog. 
An the same should go in a civil partnership (same sex marrages). If a partner has vowed themselves to one person and has any relationship with another then - that trust is broken.


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## Gooch78

keko said:


> OP is a liar and a cheat himself, http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/65759-having-affair.html


She pushed me into having an affair, imagine seeing constant Love messages from other Men!!! I even pretended to be her, it was crazy what this guy was sending. So i had never before this had an affair, but her SMS's have been going on for a very very very long time and I kept taking it and taking it.

I blame myself and I blame her for me to go to such limits.


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## Almostrecovered

she didnt push you into the affair, take full responsibility for your actions


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## Toffer

This is really a simple one....

D I V O R C E

Neither one of you seems to be able to to accept that your actions are your own.

No one can make either person have an affair


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## Acabado

Gooch78 said:


> She pushed me into having an affair, imagine seeing constant Love messages from other Men!!!


How old you are? Seriously...


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## Pault

Gooch78 said:


> She pushed me into having an affair, imagine seeing constant Love messages from other Men!!! I even pretended to be her, it was crazy what this guy was sending. So i had never before this had an affair, but her SMS's have been going on for a very very very long time and I kept taking it and taking it.
> 
> I blame myself and I blame her for me to go to such limits.


Come on fella. You are after all in TAM and if you really think about it NO ONE on Gods good earth can push someone in to any illicite affair with anyone. Affairs are like voluntary. People who use that are (IMO) looking for a get out of jail free card.


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## AlphaHalf

Divorce, what good is this marriage? Or are you the Emotional Masochist type?


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## shelovesher

what is wrong with u all.. this is beyond cheating!

this is an AFFAIR


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## ThePheonix

committedwife said:


> What the hell is a 'super' massage? Color me stupid, but if my spouse told me a guy was giving him a 'super' massage I'd have a huge issue with it.


If that happens, please don't tell us about it. That'd be more information than I want to know.


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## badbane

Gooch78 said:


> Yes we do have sex.. She is supposedly getting a Super Massage from her "friend", they dont finger each other but they feel each other completley naked including the private parts.. they have occationly kiss.
> She says she enjoys it very much with her girl friend and actually they Love each other. Her friend is also married with 4 kids.


YEa if you believe that you're in trouble. They are full on lesbian sexing it up. While it may be a cool fantasy you are dealing with a situation that could end your marriage. I she is telling you that in her eyes she sees this other woman as an equal to you in the Love category. THis is an emotional and physical affair. I'd only pursue the three some route if you are planning to walk out the door. I mean seriously if you want save the marriage then the three some is out and this OW is out too.


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