# Cheated on, lied to, left with questions: I need advice please!



## KurouShinakute (Aug 26, 2011)

I suppose to get right to the point, my boyfriend recently broke up with me. We dated for a few years and lived about 1hr away from eachother (so we could only, if we were lucky, see eachother once a week). I thought everything was fine in the relationship with your normal bumps along the way. However, a few months ago, while we were still together, I caught him talking innapropriatly to a girl online, I was destroyed to say the least. Through alot of talking and compromise we decided to work through it and after about a month, things took a turn for the best. Things were great! It was almost like things were in the beginning of the relationship. We talked every day on the phone and he seemed like he was as much in love with me as I was with him. 

But as spring rolled in, things drastically changed. The phone calls began to stop, the text messages slowed to a few a day and our weekly visits became almost non existant. When I asked what was going on with him, he said things were just find and apologized for the lack of texting and chalked up the limited visits to him being busy with familiy and such. I understood, though I was still upset, and went along with things. About a week before we broke up I was able to see him. He was very distant, but at the end of the day we talked and I was reasured. However after that visit, he did nothing but hang out with his friends everyday, and didn't want much to do with me at all. He said that we'd hang out again soon enough and that I should relax. But in my eyes, it seemed like he didn't like me anymore. He texted me a few times a day and that was it. I was so confused so at the end of the week, I called him and we talked about it. He said he was sorry and what not, and that he was very much still in love with me. 

However that night he sent me a message stating that he wanted to break up with me. I was in shock. He said that he wasn't ready for a serious relationship, that he found me as a friend now, that he had lied to me about the reasons he didn't see me when he could, and that it wasn't about another girl. I accepted the fact and broke up with grace. As a healing process, I decided to "delete" him from my life and to not check on any online profiles of his. To my dismay, the other day my friend mentioned to me that he was dating a new girl and how she was proud of how I was taking it. Since I hadn't been "checking up on him," I was terribly hurt and shocked by the news of him dating someone so soon. I went online to see that their anniversary date was days before we broke up. Basically, you don't just decide to date someone out of the thin blue are, you have to be talking to them before hand. So he was obviously talking to this girl while we were dating. 

He cheated on me. He lied to me even when he was breaking up with me ONLINE. I feel terrible. I'm a person with already low self-esteem and it took away any remaining self-confidence that I had. Why would he lie to me even when breaking up with me? Why would he be talking to this girl while we're dating? I never realized how replacable I was. I feel less than human. YEARS of dating and he begins dating a new girl before we had even broken up. Telling me that he loved and cared about me the same day he broke up with me. I feel stupid and I'm scared to date again. I feel used and cheapened. 

I'm not going to go to him and ask him questions, as far as I'm concerned, he isn't even on my radar. I just feel like I need insight on why these things happened. If anyone could give me some insight, I'd be extreemly grateful.


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

He lied to you to spare your feelings. He was right. When you thought he was no longer interested in any relationship, you felt better than you did when you found out he was just more interested in a new girl.

As for exactly why he was talking to the new girl, who knows? Since you were long distance, he had opportunity to be exposed to other girls. Maybe your relationship got a little routine. That always happens after a few years.

You shouldn't feel bad. Every person on Earth is vulnerable to a relationship ending. It doesn't imply anything about your worth. Many beautiful, successful women have been cheated on. Eva Longoria, Sandra Bullock, Reese Witherspoon, and Halle Berry have been cheated on.

Buck up. You'll find a new guy who lives nearby.


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## newlife94 (Aug 11, 2011)

You know....that is true.:iagree::iagree:

My friends have made comments about why my husband (of almost 15 years) would make such a stupid mistake-- cheating on me because I am apparently the "entire package." Caring, committed, loving and beautiful. But it is not about ME. He has insecurities, he made poor choices because she was validating why he was upset with me. He got angry because I caught him in a lie, she of course took his side- well, why not seeing that I am here (in the US) and she is there with him (in Iraq). She had more to gain from taking his side and besides she is single and he is the married idiot. 
I do agree, very successful, beautiful women get cheated on and move on to happiness and continued success. Yes there will be some difficulty in accepting what happened, but we will all continue to live and it is up to us what we do from here. 
Good luck to you and sorry this happened to you.


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