# My wife kicked me out of the house



## supermancs

My wife and been together over 18 years and married for 15 years. We have two kids together a 17 yr old daughter and a 12 yr old son. I've been caught looking at porn before and she was mad but forgave me. I got caught several more times and forgave me. Just recently I got caught again and she kicked me out of the house (staying with my parents) and won't talk to me. I have a problem with porn but she said that's not the only problem. I haven't been taken care of the house (fixing it things, remodel, etc.) and she's tired of it. I talked about it to my pastor and we are going to start meeting weekly and I have an appt. with a therapist on Oct. 1st. (it's the earliest I could get). Everytime I text her something seems like I make more upset. She hasn't mentioned divorce yet but wouldn't be surprised if she did. If I could get one more chance I want to prove to her that I will take care of the house and that will keep me off the computer cause I will so busy with my regular job and with the house. It's hard not being able to talk to her I miss her so much, I miss talking to her and spending time with her. I don't know what I can do right now. I need help.


----------



## Brewster 59

So you must know that many women see porn as bad as an EA, I actually think its worse, I think its a perversion, an EA is usually just chatting, usually sexual inuendo, but usually not visual.

So your wife has let you know more than once how she feels about porn, but its worth the risk. Humm what tv show said dont do the crime if you cant do the time? What pastor thinks looking porn is ok?

Well maybe this is a scenaro of you never know what you got till its gone. Dont know what to tell you except if you get a second chance maybe now you will know what you are risking!

Good luck to ya.


----------



## Vita

supermancs said:


> My wife and been together over 18 years and married for 15 years. We have two kids together a 17 yr old daughter and a 12 yr old son. I've been caught looking at porn before and she was mad but forgave me. I got caught several more times and forgave me. Just recently I got caught again and she kicked me out of the house (staying with my parents) and won't talk to me. I have a problem with porn but she said that's not the only problem. I haven't been taken care of the house (fixing it things, remodel, etc.) and she's tired of it. I talked about it to my pastor and we are going to start meeting weekly and I have an appt. with a therapist on Oct. 1st. (it's the earliest I could get). Everytime I text her something seems like I make more upset. She hasn't mentioned divorce yet but wouldn't be surprised if she did. If I could get one more chance I want to prove to her that I will take care of the house and that will keep me off the computer cause I will so busy with my regular job and with the house. It's hard not being able to talk to her I miss her so much, I miss talking to her and spending time with her. I don't know what I can do right now. I need help.


----------



## Vita

My 18 year old relationship is about to end in the same fashion as yours. He did the same things you mention. I feel humiliated as a woman that he enjoyed porn more than me. I caugh him many many times but recently is been where I think he was out trying to meet people for sex....well I know he will miss me...but sometimes we have to do what we have to do...SORRY that happen to you..I CAN ONLY TELL YOU...I THINK SHE MAYBE MOVING FORWARD WITHOUT YOU


----------



## heatherlindsay

you would be wise to cut out porn all together and pick up another hobbie, something that's not going to hurt your partner if you ever stand a future with her. I don't understand why men do that anyway, especially when they are in a relationship its just asking for trouble. If my husband ever did that I would get a divorce. Watching porn is the same as cheating, wanting to watch a naked women means you want to have sex with her too. So I can see why you got kicked out. Go sneak back into the house when she is out , make the bed, cook a nice dinner and clean up a bit and tell her you were possessed by the devil, tell her the real you is back now.


----------



## LADYGAINES

Let your wife know that you are willing to throw the computer away. Sell it on craigslist or ebay even. Or allow her to change the password and not give it to you. The bible says that if your eye offends you pluck it out [or something to that affect]. You don't need that computer in your home. The temptation will be too great. You will have weak moments. Its just like someone who overeats. If you can't stop eating cookies and chips throw them away and don't keep them in your house.


----------



## LADYGAINES

It's not over. You still have hope. Good luck btw.


----------



## BigBadWolf

For a grown man in 15 years of marriage to say he was "thrown out" of his own house for being "caught" watching porn, really I am just shaking my head in disbelief. 

Here is a different perspective from the mostly destructive nonsense already posted in this thread.

First, you are *not* a 5 year old child, and your woman is *not* your mother. Get the notion out of your mind that you are "caught" watching porn. 

(Now, the reality is that you got caught in a lie, that is another matter altogether and the real issue you SHOULD be addressing.)

Second, if your wife is so unhappy and so unreasonable then she can leave. Simple as that. That is unless the house is by some freak of your oversight only in her name or something. 

And if by now she is still not willing to talk to you, then you need to either make an appointment with a marriage counselor, or a lawyer.

Get a hold of yourself, and do not let someone supposedly your life partner to treat you this way.

And these other things, to claim to change or be better next time, or do this or that to kiss her butt and make it better, that is never going to work.

Your relationship is most unhealthy for you to think you are to live your life as someone's slave or servant, much less a man in a relationship with a woman.

As for the porn, and the real issue which is the lying and sneaking, these are just sympoms of the bigger and simpler issue, to stop being afraid of your woman. 

When you are wanting to discuss these real issues, there are many on this forum that will be able to help you.

I wish you well. 




supermancs said:


> My wife and been together over 18 years and married for 15 years. We have two kids together a 17 yr old daughter and a 12 yr old son. I've been caught looking at porn before and she was mad but forgave me. I got caught several more times and forgave me. Just recently I got caught again and she kicked me out of the house (staying with my parents) and won't talk to me. I have a problem with porn but she said that's not the only problem. I haven't been taken care of the house (fixing it things, remodel, etc.) and she's tired of it. I talked about it to my pastor and we are going to start meeting weekly and I have an appt. with a therapist on Oct. 1st. (it's the earliest I could get). Everytime I text her something seems like I make more upset. She hasn't mentioned divorce yet but wouldn't be surprised if she did. If I could get one more chance I want to prove to her that I will take care of the house and that will keep me off the computer cause I will so busy with my regular job and with the house. It's hard not being able to talk to her I miss her so much, I miss talking to her and spending time with her. I don't know what I can do right now. I need help.


----------



## Conrad

Wolf,

It's a lot more common problem than people think (being afraid).

When we finally "win" the one we want, we want them to want us.

But, of course, we know ourselves - so why would they want us?

Over time, you can work through this stuff. But, you have to bear down and really be honest about what's inside.


----------



## Zammo

Women will never understand men in this context. It's always so depressing to read such stories. Note to the ladies - most men watch porn... don't like it? Don't get married, seriously.

Do you really think you can change your husband so much? Would you have any respect for such a man?

Fine, sell the computer... next step, find a way to alter his brain waves so he can't even use his own imagination. That's not a marriage, that's a slave/master relationship. And do you want your husbands to be meek and subservient?


----------



## ladtbug81

Porn was an issue with me and my husband until I actually talked to him about how and why i felt the ways i felt. To me it was him using that instead of me. He has expressed that differently to me. He respects my feelings and i do his. In the end he doesnt do it any more or at least hardly at all.


----------



## Therealbrighteyes

Wolf,
I don't think she is being "unreasonable" in wanting her husband to stop watching porn when he is neglecting his family and home. She has asked him multiple times to stop because it hurts her and he didn't. As for the "life partner" part, that cuts both ways. He isn't being a partner to her if he is continuing to do something that hurts her so much. In fact, he is being totally disrespectful of her and the marriage.
Every marriage is different. For me, I don't have an issue with porn. Having said that if my husband repeatedly did something that I did have an issue with, was hurt by and didn't stop, I would have to reconsider what his priorities are and where I stood.


----------



## Therealbrighteyes

Zammo,
I wouldn't have ANY respect for somebody who promised to love and honor me and then did something over and over that hurt me. Yes, most men watch porn. Me personally, I don't have an issue with this. She does and it hurts her. Asking him to stop and reconnect with the family and the home doesn't make her a "master".


----------



## BigBadWolf

Brennan said:


> Wolf,
> I don't think she is being "unreasonable" in wanting her husband to stop watching porn when he is neglecting his family and home. She has asked him multiple times to stop because it hurts her and he didn't. As for the "life partner" part, that cuts both ways. He isn't being a partner to her if he is continuing to do something that hurts her so much. In fact, he is being totally disrespectful of her and the marriage.


Exactly, we agree. If she is that unhappy, she can pack her bags very easily.

And if you read my post, I said the real issue, being caught in a lie.

The porn, him looking at pictures of women, that is merely a symptom of other issues.

Not remodeling the house, fixing things, working more, or whatever is some material request that he is thinking to heap on her, these things are never going to work to fix the real issues. Never. 

For a man to be kissing butt of his woman, this is not the way for any man to make a woman happy, and actually will make both miserable and misery on top of misery, when the real solution is to work on the obvious issues.

Why is looking at porn instead of pursuing his fantasies with his woman?

WHy is his woman so insecure with pictures of women that she is going to, however this works I cannot imagine, "throw" her man out of the house?

Why is this man so afraid of his woman to address these first two issues?




> Every marriage is different. For me, I don't have an issue with porn. Having said that if my husband repeatedly did something that I did have an issue with, was hurt by and didn't stop, I would have to reconsider what his priorities are and where I stood.


Exactly. 

If your man is not honoring your boundries and agreements, or you are not honoring his, you each certainly should consider where you want to build a life with each other. On this we could not agree more!


----------



## Therealbrighteyes

Big,
I agree with you that this is a symptom of a larger issue. Can you see however how this hurts her? Is looking (and it isn't "looking" let's be honest) not going to further contribute to her hurt? I don't think she is insecure in that she is upset that he ***** off to other women. Sorry, I don't see that. I think that she sees he is neglecting her and the family and sees THIS as the reason. I think it all boils down to neglect. If she was being taken care of, her needs, her wishes, etc., I don't think she would have thrown him out of the house. Now he is doing a mea culpa of "I love her, etc. etc" but she already told him what her boundaries are and he ignored them. I don't think she was irrational in this.


----------



## Eli_Erdwell

It sucks to be 'caught'. Everyone knows that. I've been a wife for a year, but my parents were having issues since I was 11, mostly revolving around porn. 

Congrats for at least noticing that you have a problem with porn. Did it effect your intimacy with your wife? Ask if she thinks its gross. Ask if it's a personal reason she doesn't like it, whether it makes her feel less adequate as your wife or if she had problems with someone in her family and porn. Did she know that you looked at porn before you got married? That was one of the reasons she kicked him out. She would wonder why he was looking at porn when she was willing and ready after the kids were in bed.

Another issue was that us kids were being exposed to it when we used the computer. We would use the computer and some mystery link would catch our eyes on the internet, we of course would click on it, and there'd be the porn on full display.

But just saying sorry isn't enough. Ask why she has such a problem with it. Figure out why she's so offended. The fact that you say sorry and go back to it is just a sign to her that you're not really sorry. You are in the moment for her seeing it, but not that you've done it. Come to some kind of agreement with her after you've found out why exactly she hates it so much. If you don't sort through it soon with her, you might be facing the "D" word...

Or heck, if it's just the fact that you're looking at it, and you're not too uncomfortable with the idea, invite her to look at it with you. My husband and I both go to those sights every now and then, but since we don't like to do it together, we give each other sites that we liked. 

There could be a million reason why she doesn't like porn. You just have to ask her which one it is and solve it together, like a married couple. If you want to show her you love her, it's the whole 'actions speak louder than words' motto you have to follow to some extent. Ask someone you both trust to step in as a mediator to make sure you stay on topic as you talk about these things and that, just in case, things don't get too fiery... particularly if she protests while your talking or vice versa.


----------



## NothingMan

Brennan said:


> Big,
> I agree with you that this is a symptom of a larger issue. Can you see however how this hurts her? Is looking (and it isn't "looking" let's be honest) not going to further contribute to her hurt? I don't think she is insecure in that she is upset that he ***** off to other women. Sorry, I don't see that. I think that she sees he is neglecting her and the family and sees THIS as the reason. I think it all boils down to neglect. If she was being taken care of, her needs, her wishes, etc., I don't think she would have thrown him out of the house. Now he is doing a mea culpa of "I love her, etc. etc" but she already told him what her boundaries are and he ignored them. I don't think she was irrational in this.


Perhaps he is looking at porn because HE was being neglected by her? Perhaps her neglect of him has caused him to doubt himself and have a low self esteem which could possibly make him unwilling and/or unable to do the fixing around the house? I know if I wasnt getting what I wanted out of the marriage then doing things around the house to please her would stop abruptly. If that leads to her telling me to leave the house...well..like bigbad said before...my name is on the lease too.

N.


----------



## TTC

As a PA(Porn addict) I know were you are coming from my wife moved out 1 month ago and Iam devastated. I joined a PA web site Contact Support it’s for the PA and there SO significant others it has opened my eyes to what I've done. I hurt her so bad that her trust and self image are gone and I know after joining that it’s my fault and I can’t blame her. I started looking at myself and found out things about myself I need to work on. I know I can fix these things. Hopefully this will make it right between us in time. I don’t want it to take time but that’s the way it has to be. So if you want the relationship to work you need to do the work. I know its difficult and you are going to need support, open up to your wife and talk to her but remember that its your fault and not her’s I know that’s brutal and I dint want to hear or believe it but that’s the way it is.
also I suggest counseling for you and also maybe another counselor for both of you. 
Best of luck and keep the faith


----------



## the guy

Well Supermanc, are you getting it? 
Man up and take care of your wife. 1st you'll have to move backin, its your house too, 2nd apologize for lying and being disrespectfull husband. Then show her you care by showing her some affection.
If it helps maybe you can jack o** watching your wife;-)
Good luck and let your wife know you find her sexy.


----------

