# Sex, women and aging



## indiecat (Sep 24, 2012)

I'm been married forever to a LD man, years of frustration but stuck it out. 
We've had a few separations, one funnily enough when HE had a EA/PA! Apparently sex with OW was an embarrassment and he avoided it with her as well.
Anyway, at my age, 53, I'm thinking that maybe the ship has sailed and I only have a few years of sexuality left anyway, and maybe should just settle for a celibate life with h?. 
He does try to do oral on me, but he is just so not turned on by it that it's just even more frustrating. He doesn't enjoy oral done on him, and the rare time he can get a semi erection he lasts around 30 seconds. 
Does a woman's drive just go away anyway after menopause?
Mine hasn't so far, but maybe it will soon.


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## keeper63 (Mar 22, 2012)

If my wife is anything like any other 50-ish females, she had a big testotserone surge a couple of years ago (after menopause) that kicked her sex drive into overdrive. She even developed more muscle mass (while working out), and grew more pubic hair during that time.

So yes, you could retain (or possible increase) your sex drive over the next several years, so I wouldn't say your drive will neccesarily go away any time soon. However, you may find yourself less interested in sex in general if the current situation with your H continues like it has. Resentment can kill a sex life faster than anything.

You should get him checked out medically, he may need testotsterone, and the prescription ED drugs are very, very effective at rectifying erection issues.

You need to talk to him and let him know how important receiving and giving oral is to you, and that you are not ready to give up on your sexuality in your early 50's. I expect my wife and I will continue to have a satisfying sex life inot our 60's or more assuming there are no major medical issues to get in our way.

Good luck!


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## Michie (Aug 26, 2012)

My parents are older then you and still have a fufilling sex life, from what I can tell. IJm 30 and the thought still makes me ewwwwwwww lol

My dad had a mini-stroke in 2007 and I noticed after that that he got proscribed the teststrone gel stuff. My mother also takes low does hormones. so apparently they are doing what they got to do to stay sexually intimate with one another.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Indiecat,

You have my complete sympathy and, yes, pity too. To wish away a sex drive seems like wishing away your dearest and closest friend. But you have this dear and close friend and you are not allowed to talk, touch or be with this friend. 

That is not a life worth hanging on to!

Assuming you have tried everything from MD's checking thyroid and T-level, individual therapy and sex therapy... Nothing has worked and or he refuses to try... Honey, I'd tell him to find a way to enjoy more fullfilling sex life, or give me leave to enjoy a fullfilling sex life with other men.

I'm 50, lived sexless for roughly 20 years, my fault entirely! I will NEVER go back and would support anyone leaving their spouse because of it.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Wanted to add, it doesn't sound like your man is LD, it sound more like your man is SD, Sexually Dysfunctional.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Yes, the drive does go away for *some *women after menopause. Not all. So don't count on menopause getting rid of it.


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## ocotillo (Oct 17, 2011)

indiecat said:


> Does a woman's drive just go away anyway after menopause?
> Mine hasn't so far, but maybe it will soon.


My wife is down to about one period a year. I don't know were that puts her in the menopause process, but her drive is absolutely through the roof. She's a few years older than you.


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## just got it 55 (Mar 2, 2013)

indiecat said:


> I'm been married forever to a LD man, years of frustration but stuck it out.
> We've had a few separations, one funnily enough when HE had a EA/PA! Apparently sex with OW was an embarrassment and he avoided it with her as well.
> Anyway, at my age, 53, I'm thinking that maybe the ship has sailed and I only have a few years of sexuality left anyway, and maybe should just settle for a celibate life with h?.
> He does try to do oral on me, but he is just so not turned on by it that it's just even more frustrating. He doesn't enjoy oral done on him, and the rare time he can get a semi erection he lasts around 30 seconds.
> ...


First WTF is wrong with him and NOPE at 56 my wife gets better & better


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## just got it 55 (Mar 2, 2013)

Anon Pink said:


> Wanted to add, it doesn't sound like your man is LD, it sound more like your man is SD, Sexually Dysfunctional.


YUP Size issues ?


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## indiecat (Sep 24, 2012)

His T checked out fine, sigh. Size is quite normal. 
Yes I think he is SD, a LD man might have SOME lust sometime.
He won't take Viagra, he had a heart attack a few years ago, the cardiologist said he could take it, as did the pharmacist, but he's too afraid to try it. 
I can't blame him for having no drive, it' s not his fault. And he does try to have sex, but I can tell it's just to 'please' me, so that kills the interaction.


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## Woodchuck (Nov 1, 2012)

Anon Pink said:


> Indiecat,
> 
> You have my complete sympathy and, yes, pity too. To wish away a sex drive seems like wishing away your dearest and closest friend. But you have this dear and close friend and you are not allowed to talk, touch or be with this friend.
> 
> ...


Pink, would you have blamed your husband if he had found a partner outside of marriage during those 20 years?...I was in that situation for a couple of years and found it TOTALLY intolerable.....Just imagine the hundreds of sexual encounters you threw away for nothing....I always find that a tragedy....

the woodchuck


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## Woodchuck (Nov 1, 2012)

My wife's sex drive was acceptable till she was about 65, then it dwindled to almost nothing.....I would get sex after a month of relentless pursuit....After some SERIOUS issues, she has increased to 1-3 times a week.

the woodchuck


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