# Any insight?



## TheCanadian (Jul 10, 2012)

Hi all, new to this forum and like all of us here i'm here for a reason..

A couple months ago my wife started acting very distant and strange. Put a password on her phone that she has never done before, not letting me borrow or see it at all, and protecting it with her life. Shortly after that I got a I love you, but not in love with you type of conversation.

Looking into cell phone bills low and behold I see calls upon calls to OM's number 3-7 a day. My wife and I have a business together and she does some socializing with some of our customers witch of whom are not protecting her in this it's come to my attention that on occasions she has gone over to the OM house alone, had showers there texting back and forth none stop. 

When i confronted I got he's just a friend speech and her acting like I'm insane for questioning this relationship. We have gone to MC and to no avail "just a friend, just a friend". She is locked in a EA affair fog and I'm the odd man out.. she say's she feels nothing for me, and was all up trying a trial separation to see if we could find are spark again.

Last weekend I went to a family reunion with our kids d5 s3 when I get back I find out she has been at the OM's house again. She had left our dogs at our business over night and some of our customers had noticed and told me. She said she forgot them there and that morning she comes home with a over night bag saying she was at her girlfriends house witch i know is a lie because i know her GF was out of town. The next day one of my staff over heard her on the phone talking about "laying low for a bit" when she noticed he was there she went dead silent. When I got back he mentioned this to me and redial went to the OM's number..

This was enough for me I lost it told her we are done. Start separating bank accounts contact lawyers etc. which has been done. We had literally just moved in to a new house a month ago, moved are kids schools, and now everything is going to change again.. The girl I loved is gone, it's like aliens have taken over her.. We have been together 16yrs married 8. 

I've come to terms that this is done, from the outside she still looks like my beautiful wife, but every other aspect of her now I'm like who the hell is this person.

My problem now is our business, I want to buy her out. She had just texted me this rough draft of a letter she wants to email to our customers.


You might be aware that **** and I have had some challenges within our marriage. Although we both did our best to work things out, it became obvious that there were differences that were impossible to resolve. After looking deep within and as life progresses, we find it necessary to take some drastic measures. We have mutually decided not to move forward with our personal lives together. Both **** & I have inner peace about this decision.

**** and I will continue to operate ****** with the same level of professionalism and quality of service that you have all come to appreciate. We simply could not do what we do or be as successful as we’ve always been, were it not for the extended ****** family. 



We both very much appreciate your continued support and encouragement during this difficult time.

To me this is BS she didn't try **** she emotionally shut me out and let another man in. I don't want her trying to come out of this smelling like roses. She chose to cheat whether it was a EA or PA i don't care I lost all my trust in her. Should I just let this letter go to get some closure or let people know the real reason why where splitting. I didn't want a divorce I would have been more then happy to love my wife till the day I died. But this person is not the woman I married.

I'm confused on what to do. Let her go smoothly or let the truth of the situation be known? any help would be appreciated. I'm tired of all the lying and betrayal this feels like a nightmare and I'm going to force it to end.. currently doing the 180.


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

Sorry to hear about your situation.

Why don't you write a letter yourself telling she's been sleeping around and will no longer be working for the business, I will still be running the company with the same professionalism, etc. or something similar outlining she cheated and will be bought out of the company?


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## Will_Kane (Feb 26, 2012)

Why would you tell the customers at all?

Plus, some of them know what is really going on, anyway, and if the customers know each other, they will talk, and your wife will look foolish for sending the letter, and if you sign it, you will look foolish, too.

So, no, don't sign it and tell her you don't want to send it.

Also, I thought you wanted to buy her out. That's not what the letter says.


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## I'm The Prize (May 22, 2012)

I'm so sorry you're here. I don't think you can call her out on it unless you've got some solid evidence. It would probably get you into legal trouble. Having said that, there is no way I'd let that letter circulate. Doing so would be acknowledgement of its content. Tell her that you will have your lawyer draft a letter that would be more mutually acceptable. If she does circulate that letter without your consent I would have my lawyer draft a separate counter letter that would point out that while some of them may know that the decision to end your marriage wasn't a mutual decision as she stated in her letter, that you are endeavoring to serve them as before until other arrangements can be made. Don't let her grand stand. She made her bed now make her sleep in the filth of it.


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## Will_Kane (Feb 26, 2012)

Tell your wife if she insists sending out that email, that you will be sending one that says this:

_To me this is BS she didn't try **** she emotionally shut me out and let another man in. I don't want her trying to come out of this smelling like roses. She chose to cheat whether it was a EA or PA i don't care I lost all my trust in her. I want to let people know the real reason why where splitting. I didn't want a divorce I would have been more then happy to love my wife till the day I died. But this person is not the woman I married._


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## Will_Kane (Feb 26, 2012)

*Let her go smoothly or let the truth of the situation be known?*

Don't shy away from the truth. You are under no obligation to lie for her to make her look better and you look worse. When someone tells a lie about you to others, it is best in my opinion to set the record straight.

To avoid future problems, I suggest you let your future ex-wife know where you stand. You will not lie for her about the reason you are divorcing.


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## TheCanadian (Jul 10, 2012)

Ya, I wish I was the WS in this situation. She can walk around looking like she doesn't give a ****, while I'm in emotional turmoil. I just don't want to be one of the guy's who gives up everything on a whim trying to vie for my wife's attention and let's there life go to hell. Where both responsible for letting daily life get in the way of showing each other our love. But she is responsible for cheating. I don't want to start over, I want to be the one who can comfortably take care of our kids. I feel like she chose this path. She can start over.

It's hard to have your emotions stepped on, months of not eating/sleeping but I'm obviously not the first one that's been here. Determined to be a came out on top story rather then hard luck one though..

I think I might be leaning on not letting her send the letter. I think the truth will come out in time anyway. I don't want it looking like we are happily separating but at the same time I don't want the rumor mill going and have a successful business rupture also.


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

It was a full blown EA-PA since the very beginning.
Sorry man. Protect your bussiness and your house.

The 180 degree rulesJust finances and logistics.
Just Let Them Go


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## Shamwow (Aug 15, 2011)

Yeah, screw the letter. Tell her you'll take care of that when things get sorted out.

If she asks why you can either say "because it's a fabrication", or just that you'll handle it, depending on your mood.

Very glad to see you're doing 180, never a time like now for detaching. You sound like you have a good grip on the situation, sorry you're here, but stay in control and things will run their course, with you coming out for the better.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Shamwow (Aug 15, 2011)

I gather OM is single, since she can freely go to his house?

If he is attached though, you need to out the A to his GF/wife. Even so, is he related to the business in some way? Customer, employee, etc?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## TheCanadian (Jul 10, 2012)

He's a divorced playboy. Not any relation to the business but one of our customers did introduce us to him. A drunk playboy POS in my opinion.


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## Shamwow (Aug 15, 2011)

Gotcha. Well perhaps you could call him and say there's no need to lay low for a bit, she's his problem now and will be moving her things there shortly. And wish them the best of luck.

Or not. Sorry, really gets me when they lie to your face when you already know the answer to the question. Makes it easier to move on though, because you know the person you knew is gone.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

So you buying her out isn't an option anymore? Surely she doesn't expect you to run the business side by side with her anymore.There's bound to be some talk and her staying would just be rubbing your nose in it imo.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

You should expose her cheating ways and the OM to everyone you can - let the world know she has chosen to cheat with a worthless looser. Post both of them to cheaterville.com and share the link with friends and family.

As for the business the less it's work the less you'll have to pay to buy her out in the divorce. So run it down as much as possible now, and build it back up once you've purged her taint from it. 

any care and protection you give the business now, means more money she'll get in the divorce - why would you do that ? It's better to give her nothing if possible, and the rebuild the business value with your good name and ethics after she is gone.

Make certain that friends, family, and business associates, and customers know what a deceitful liar she is, and that you are purging her from the company. You'll end up stronger and better since customers will trust you more if they know you won't put up with cheats and liars.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

btw - it no one takes a shower at another man's/worman's house. Your wife wasn't even trying to hide being a cheat.


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## Martin12 (Apr 27, 2012)

Keep the personal and the business separate. 

Do not send any email to customers referencing personal problems, to the extent that customers care it will hurt business.

She wants to create drama on her terms and hurt the business.

Do what you can to buy her out quickly and move on.


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## LostWifeCrushed (Feb 7, 2012)

Oh I am sorry you are here.

Keep everything apart. In the end, will it be your baby or her baby when you divorce? Is it something that you would be doing without her? Or vise versa? 

Sounds like it was your business and she helped run it while you were married.....if this is true, you will have to buy her out/pay her for her contribution. After that? Done. Don't keep working with your spouse under these conditions. 

This is just hell to pay for no reason.

Retain counsel and take care of yourself.


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## LostWifeCrushed (Feb 7, 2012)

OH, and don't send that email to your clients! JUST BAD FORM. TAKE THE HIGH ROAD IN BUSINESS AND NEVER LET THEM SEE YOU SWEAT.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Your wife is a cheat. She is cheating on you and on her children. Because time spent with lover or even time spent thinking about or communicating with lover is time NOT spent with husband or spouse or children.

She is a liar. She knows what she is doing is wrong. She wants her affair kept secret. She wants YOU to be her accomplice in keeping her affair secret.

Ask her, or yourself, why on earth you should help her in this way? 

In your case, I thinking going for total expose is the way forward. 

I have a further question for you. How has your wife funded her affair? Juicer found out that his wife stole money from his business in order to fund her affair.

My suggestion is that you get a good forensic accountant/auditor in as a matter or urgency. After all, it is not beyond the bounds of possibility that OM is playing your wife to gain access to your business accounts.

*I feel strongly that you URGENTLY need to take legal advice and action to protect yourself, your business, your children and your staff.*


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Don't be blind. She is f*cking him. Not a chance in hell that this was just EA. Open your eyes.

Keylog your home computer and get some evidence. Her mails, facebook or anything that you can get your hands on. If she has Iphone, her text messages can be retrieved. You cannot trust this person to not burn you in a bitter divorce. Once you gather the evidence, expose her to friends and family.


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## costa200 (Jun 27, 2012)

> it's come to my attention that on occasions she has gone over to the OM house alone, had showers there





> She is locked in a EA affair fog and I'm the odd man out.


That's some really physical EA...


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## Kallan Pavithran (Jan 17, 2012)

If you send the letter and allow her to run the business with you, later she will bring this POSOM into the business. You will have to witness that also. 

Expose her to everyone, put a pressure on her to sell the share to you.


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## Sara8 (May 2, 2012)

TheCanadian said:


> Hi all, new to this forum and like all of us here i'm here for a reason..
> 
> A couple months ago my wife started acting very distant and strange. Put a password on her phone that she has never done before, not letting me borrow or see it at all, and protecting it with her life. Shortly after that I got a I love you, but not in love with you type of conversation.
> 
> ...


Sorry you are here.

Don't let her give any bull dokey to your clients. Out her for who she is. '

If you divorce, file fault if you can in your state so that anyone who dates her in the future can access the court records and learn that she is a cheater. 

Tell the truth to every customer or business contact you know. 

The truth is she cheated, and never tried to reconcile. 

let everyone in your family, her family, among friends and in your business know, and make sure it is in the divorce court records. 

Otherwise, she will lie and make you out to be the bad guy. 

The sad truth is: Cheaters lie. They are liars.


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## badbane (Jun 9, 2012)

I don't know what type of business you run. I think that I would only be sending an email to the clients that she was handling. I would tell her family and all of your friends what is going on. Also and overnight bag to stay at a friends house. Who is out of town. Well you know she met the OM. You know what they did. Glad you decided to kick her to the curb. This woman is just trying to leech you for all your worth. If you don't get her out she will try to find someway to take everything and leave you on your butt.


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

Canadian,

I am sorry your wife has lost her mind.

Her letter is BS.

Take control of everything.
I saw you split your personal finances well lock up your business finances as well.

I would have your attorney respond to her draft memo. No letter should be sent to customers. Business should remain "business as usual".

You should also have your attorney enforce a no contact so your wife cannot go around you and reach out to customers or steal customers in case she decides to split the business.

I know how upset you are. Your wife is in the "fog". She is not thinking of anything else but herself. That is what cheaters do.

For now focus on you, your children and your business. I know your children are young but the less contact you have with your wife the better. Just keep conversations to the kids.

Have your attorney act as your go between with respect to the business. Or you will lose your business.....

Stay strong and do not listen to her nonsense. 

If anything needs to be said you must disclose only the truth. She deserves nothing less and just maybe it will shock her into doing the right thing sooner or later for your kids sake if nothing else.

HM64


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

As others have said, DO NOT send the letter. Buy her out and send her packing ASAP.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

TheCanadian said:


> ...it's come to my attention that on occasions *she has gone over to the OM house alone, had showers there* texting back and forth none stop....


She goes over to this OM's house alone and takes showers there? And she wants you to believe its an EA? Seriously?


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