# What does "Drama" mean to you?



## Joey2k (Oct 3, 2014)

You often hear people (women, especially) proclaim that they are "drama-free". What exactly does that mean to you? What is "drama"?

(I ask because I have begun to suspect that some people confuse "drama" with "baggage")

If you don't mind, post whether you are male or female when you respond. I am wondering if there is a gender disconnect there too.


----------



## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

High needs. Frequent incidence of getting "offended". Being hyper sensitive. *****y.


----------



## Constable Odo (Feb 14, 2015)

What Drama means to me:










Her call name is Drama.


----------



## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Drama = the equivalent of "unneeded and uncalled-for, emotionally-charged, verbal hell-raising, largely infused as nothing more than an often-demeaning, psychological power trip onto the other party!"*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

NobodySpecial said:


> High needs. Frequent incidence of getting "offended". Being hyper sensitive. *****y.


This would be my description as well. I would add however the ability to make a monumental deal out of nothing.


----------



## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Any undesirable behavior or unfortunate situations.

An example might be a wife borrowing and driving her baby daddy's car gets pulled over speeding and then arrested because the car was reported stolen from the owner that happens to be another baby mamma of the wife's baby daddy that is extremely jealous.


----------



## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

This is not a phenomenon unique to women.


----------



## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

Wolf1974 said:


> This would be my description as well. I would add however the ability to make a monumental deal out of nothing.


So yah this is a sticky one for me. No one gets to choose for me what constitutes "nothing". But one pretty easy way to tell if someone makes a monumental deal out of "nothing" is if their list of monumental deals has more than 2 items on it.


----------



## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

I think of drama as coming from someone who's needy, clingy, whiny, irrationally jealous, always has some "major" thing to be offended/butthurt/angry/crazy about and always has some new issue with the boss/ex/kids/siblings/you to be in angst over or righteously indignant about. High-drama people seem to need a steady supply of emotional turmoil, whether they're causing it or just jumping into it when they encounter others who are embroiled in it. Something inside them needs instability and the excitement created by the dramatic (good or bad) feelings it provides. They seem to be attracted to other people who are good sources of emotional turmoil, because it feeds their need for high emotion. If you aren't a good supply of drama - too balanced, too emotionally healthy to be dragged into their issues or provoked into displaying issues of your own - they quickly label you "boring". "Drama" is a sort of shorthand for someone emotionally unstable and histrionic who needs and wants to involve others in their instability - because they thrive on it. 

By the way, I'm a woman. I've found plenty of high-drama people of both sexes. But, yes, I do think that some people confuse baggage with drama. Or perhaps there's no real difference but some of us choose to differentiate because it serves our own self-image. For instance, I consider my issues with co-parenting with my ex-husband to be baggage. I have to deal with those issues and will for the next nearly forever. But they don't constitute drama - in my mind, at least - because I don't allow them to. While I may occasionally discuss major concerns with my partner and seek support and input from him on them, I don't engage him in my emotional turmoil, rant about them, or otherwise make them his problem. If he considers this to be "drama" from me, he hasn't indicated it. Others may have a different interpretation.


----------



## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

NobodySpecial said:


> This is not a phenomenon unique to women.


*Amen! 

And with a capital "A," I might add!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

arbitrator said:


> *Drama = the equivalent of "unneeded and uncalled-for, emotionally-charged, verbal hell-raising, largely infused as nothing more than an often-demeaning, psychological power trip onto the other party!"*
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


What he said.

However, it seems in dating, it is implied that drama is the equivalent to conflict. Sometimes conflict is unavoidable and it can be handled without drama. 

My divorce/custody situation was high conflict. My relationship with my ex, while somewhat more mellow now, can burst into flames at any time, cause my life to appear to be drama laden. However, I don't bring this on myself (unless marrying him in the first place counts) and I handle it with a calm disengagement. So I don't consider my life to be drama filled.

PS I'm female.


----------



## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

I'm female. To me, drama is yelling, screaming, crying, pleading, mass exaggeration of facts and emotions,never peaceful, there's always something happening.


----------



## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

Drama is when you are suppose to stop by the grocery stores and get swanson's frozen peas.

So, you get them and when you get home, they're the wrong kind.
When you explain that they were the only ones in the swanson's frozen section, you are told (adamantly) that they were the wrong kind; "you just don't look hard enough!".
When I try to tell her that "they were the only ones there", I get "no they're not!"

When you exclaim "how do you know, you weren't there!", you get; "I called the store and they were there!"

What the %%$#@!!!!!!!

THAT my friend is DRAMA (my ex).


----------



## thefam (Sep 9, 2014)

Drama can be baggage AND personality. For example my younger brother does not have a whiny, needy personality but his relationships seem to always involve drama. He's an easy going single guy who does not on the surface come off as a jerk. But if the drama follows him around, at some time you have to look at him. He can never seem to make a clean break with ANYBODY.


----------



## Sure that could work (Jun 9, 2015)

Drama to me is unneeded unnecessary excitement about every little thing, usually accompanied with offense about each little daily activity. Some people thrive on drama, they need it to function.

There is a saying that I like, "Not my circus, not my monkeys." Basically the people who seem to attract drama claim everybody's circus and every single monkey is theirs.


----------



## Joey2k (Oct 3, 2014)

For the record, I wasn't saying women are the only ones guilty of having/causing drama, just that people who feel the need to proclaim that they are drama free are usually women (you don't often hear men claim that they are drama free).


----------



## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

Joey2k said:


> For the record, I wasn't saying women are the only ones guilty of having/causing drama, just that people who feel the need to proclaim that they are drama free are usually women (you don't often hear men claim that they are drama free).


Actually, I see men claiming to be "drama-free" or "no drama here" fairly often in online dating profiles. For the record, that they feel the need to state that always makes me wonder just a bit.....


----------



## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

jorgegene said:


> Drama is when you are suppose to stop by the grocery stores and get swanson's frozen peas.
> 
> So, you get them and when you get home, they're the wrong kind.
> When you explain that they were the only ones in the swanson's frozen section, you are told (adamantly) that they were the wrong kind; "you just don't look hard enough!".
> ...


Get your own f'in peas!


----------



## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

For me, "drama" means a lack of emotional maturity, and immature and inappropriate responses in multiple situations. ( I am female.)

That being said, I am wary of any man who says "I don't like drama." Duh. No one likes drama! So if a guy has to broadcast it, that means one of two things:

1) He says he doesn't like it, but actually thrives on it, and is only attracted to women who provide a high level of drama.

2) He is the instigator/creator of drama in his own life/relationships, but doesn't recognize it. He makes bad choices and behaves poorly in a relationship, but doesn't like it when the girl gets bent out of shape and pissed because he's acting like a d!ckhead, and so he accuses HER of being dramatic.

I dated one of the second persuasion last year. He was a good guy, but he made poor choices, and he couldn't understand why things in his life would go to sh!t. He made poor choices with me, and he couldn't understand why our relatinsh!p went to sh!t and why I got mad at him, and then he accused me of creating drama--when he was the one who would disappear for days at a time, after we had made plans and I was expecting him to call; when he was constantly being flaky and changing plans; etc etc. And he would respond, I don't like drama! You're stressing me out! And my response would be, if you would actually follow through and call me when you say you will, and see me when you say you will, there wouldn't be any drama at all. You create the drama by being a sh!tty person; me expressing my displeasure at the fact that you are being a jerk does NOT make me a drama queen. And you calling me dramatic or over-reactive is deflecting the focus from the real problem here, and it is an attempt to my need for stability and consistency in this relationship.

So I give a wide berth to anyone who asserts that they don't like drama.

My best friend is a guy, and he's like this. He says all the time that he doesn't like drama, and then he's a sh!tty boyfriend--he basically has this attitude of "my way or the highway" when it comes to women. He doesn't know the meaning of compromise, I swear. And then when they get upset over his sh!tty behavior, when they don't behave exactly the way that he wants them to, his reaction is always, "Why do they have to be so dramatic? Why do they have to be like that?" But what he's really saying is, "Why to they have to be real people? Why do they have to have their own feelings, and why do I have to deal with them? Why do they have independent thought? Why do they have to possess their own wants and needs, and why should I have to meet those needs?" He just wants a woman who will smile all the time, and go along with whatever he wants all the time, and never put up a fuss--he wants a Stepford Wife. (Which is why he will never get married, and why I will never date him. A lot of people have asked me why we aren't together. I would never do that to myself. Which is too bad, because other than this one MAJOR, UNSURPASSABLE flaw, he's a great catch.)

These are two examples, but they aren't isolated. I see a lot of other guys do pretty much the exact same thing.

Generally, when I hear people--especially men--talk about drama in relationships, and how women bring so much drama, I tend to lump it into the same category as when men call women crazy:

Men Really Need to Stop Calling Women Crazy
5 Reasons To Think Twice Before Calling A Woman 'Crazy'
Why Calling A Woman Crazy Is The Worst Thing You Can Do | Unwritten

In fact, drama is just another word for crazy, as far as I'm concerned.


----------



## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

EnjoliWoman said:


> What he said.
> 
> *However, it seems in dating, it is implied that drama is the equivalent to conflict. * Sometimes conflict is unavoidable and it can be handled without drama.
> 
> ...


Guess for me it's not that absence of conflict, it's more much about how the conflict is handled. Every couple will have disagreements but they can be handled by discussion or complete outburst. The latter I would call drama.


----------



## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Drama is unneccesary conflict creation. There are both men and women who thrive off that creation. It's interesting that some members of the drama royalty like meeting their match. And some members get annoyed when others do it. My mother is a member of the latter. and I have noitced that some men do like a goo cat fight.

I've learned to identify no go areas long before I am at the point of no return. But I have noticed that if you prevent a drama situation from happening, you're then accused of being overbearing, nothing was going to happen....... you're crazy if you thought she was going to be disruptive and so on.


----------

