# Did I meet a High maintenance woman?



## ADSR77 (8 mo ago)

Hi Everybody.
I would like to shame my story of relationship I have been into and ask for second opinion.
Please bear with me as English is not my native language
The write up may be quite long and difficult to digest as involves sharing some experiences from different areas of relationship.I can not dislose too many details and names of relationship for personal reasons.I will do my best to be as accurate and honest.Some events I will be talking about may be thrown in suddenly so no chronological order will be kept but you will get full view as you read it.
First I would like to say that I am a man in his mid 40's born in Poland where more family, friends and what masculine values men hold are important ,including knowing DIY and to be supportive to your partner/wife.
I am currently living in UK where I met my latina partner ( also in her mid 40's) last year and we started to date around October 2021.
Beause of my hobbies,traveling and speaking in Spanish we got along well I suppose.
She did mention that hospotality business she runs I have not been pushy to get her number as other men did in past and she was interested who I am.
First red flag I saw it was first date she was late about 45 min keep sending me messages that she will arrive in 10min.
Finally I gave up waiting and went home.Later we met other day on another date.I pay attention to people's punctuality and in this way I do assess how they respect me.
After getting to know each other I felt that this can be very stable and mature relationship as we both had stable employment and plan for future.
She has introduced me to her children ( from different relationships) and friends.I have introduced her to my friends which I have not as many as she does.
Second red flag was that she was very busy using the phone since the time of wake up until the midnight/1am.
I saw her being timed during the week because of not gaving good amount of sleep.
I noticed her wearing reading glasses.My thought are she spent years typing on the phone and reading messages for hours and she will pay huge price with her sight be ver bad in years to come.
Some of it was related to running business and staying in touch with family but other things were replying to messages from girlfriends,whatsupp groups,viewing Instagram.
She was taking may photos including selfies.
When in bed I started ask why she is not falling sleep with me she was upset making statement that I will not be giving her ultimatum how long she can be busy checking everything on the phone.
After some months I noticed drop in her interest and replying my messages.
I waited few hours after sending her greetings or asking how the business goes or asking something important.I saw her many many times active on whatsupp and seemed she was choosing who to reply to.
I knew she was busy at work and I was patient.Once I told her that I see that she puts me always at the end of line.
Also quality of messages exchange indicated that she did not care much as I wrote much luncher phrases and she used few or one word only to reply.
Through out of few months I noticed too that it is mainly me initiating the contact and calling.Maybe she thought because we see each other very often at her work there was no necessity of calling me.Still for me in mature relationship is a matter of respect and supporting partner by calling and asking how things go.Which for me make relationship stronger.
In all that time also I tried to help her by repairing things at her home ( which has been neglected and also because her children were never interested to do gardening tasks) and work place.
I did it her to save money and also to fulfil my duties as a man and support my partner.No one forced me to do so and because I am skilled engineer it was matter of assessing the job and doing it.
Also cooking for whole family ,buying food and maily paing gor go outs I did was taken for granted and rarely thanked for.
" You are the man"....attitude.
Yes, sure.Kind words would be welcomed.
She almost never show signs of gratitude and took it for granted in my meaning.
Next red flag I saw when planning trips together.As she is bigger traveler than me I was invited for trips with her and her friends more often.We went for some weekend somewhere as it was my idea.
However when I planned some trip to Poland she said that there are trips to other destinations same month and she will struggle to manage her business.
Later on she has got invitation for some weekend trip abroad and we went there together.
As for respect of her much longer relations with best friends I understood her decision.However she never asked when I would like to go to Poland neither she metioned thet it was not fair for me as trip to see her friends also should not happen for her bussines plans .
Now few words of criticism towards me.
It happen that sometimes I get upset how people treat me by taking advantage of me and I show signs of it.This happened when we went recently on holidays witch her friends.I did apologize to her and her friends by asking her to send message to whatsupp group.
We had some argument once and she rose her voice and emarassed me in front of her friends too.
I took it as shaming a adult man and psychological punishment.
In past after I rose my voice I did apologize but she never did after she rose her voice.
That means hypocrisy of doing same thing you criticise others of.
Few other smaller red flags were the way she spoke to me when telling to do something instead asking me politely to do so.
Also deciding what clothes to buy or how some jacket made me look old man.I can understand words of advice and suggesttions but also telling a adult man: "Do you want wash your hands after you have been to WC?"
I would do that anyway as I am not a child.
Last nail to coffin was last trip where we landed as some airport and we did not catch some other for of transportation to reach destination.She said that I did not switch on phone after plane landed and we supposed to go out of airport after the border checks.We did not make it and we had to wait for somebody to pic us up.
At the time we bothe were stressed up and she was franticly showing me something on her phone ( kind of blaming me to be slow at airport).She showed something on screen for 5 seconds amnd telling me to look for some help.I asked to show the phone again as there was no chance to read small document with small font within 5 seconds.She did same trick again.I tried to pull her hand to see her phone and I rose the voice ( no shouting whcih she accusee me of ).She resisted and she accused me of being agressive.
Then since she was cold as ice during the trip. After returning to UK on arrival I invited her for coffee to clear things up.
She said that I have always "sad face" and her friends said the same and she can not continue relationship as I mal treated her.
Back in time she said she was mal treated when living in Latin America.
While drinking mentioned coffee she said that she is " bossy woman" and have strong character.
I did apologize and asked for last chance to work on myself ( even knowing that result of me reacting was not only my fault).
Before in past I thought that having big family and business she has to be tough.At the end I understood that she shows signs of being soft feminist.
We also had situations when I tried embrace her on train and she got scared of me.She told me she has got scared when I told her " look ,look" instead "look,kitty" while me pointing at animal."
I thought that is me being punished for doing something sponanious.
More intimate subjects related I noticed that I was a giver most of times.
Finally at the end she said: "NO" and we split up.
My conclusions are that I invested a lot in this relationship ( as she did in some way too) to give best emotional,financial and practical support to my partner knowing her past and current family situation needs.
However I sense that latest events were only an excuse to kreak up.
For me I was trying to build something and make it more serious but she was not interested to resolve she issues by talking or asking partner to improve to stop making her feeling bad.
I rerely heard her talking generally about her plans including her partner to be in.
I watched and read about relationships between more traditional men and modern women and statistics show men go towards singlehood and women becoming more modern independent while asking every male friends around for help not having any relations with them.
That is it.
I could write more details about my last relationship but it could mek my input watered down or boring.
I hope you all got the message.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

Dude: it wouldn't matter to me how fiery of a Latina she would be. I would be more fiery. Part of your problem is that you were beta to her. She's used to strong Latin men, while you've been accommodating. basically, she lost respect for you as a man and most likely found a better suited (to Her) candidate. You gave too much and she gave little. She pushed you and you gave, bad synergy there. Live and learn.


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## ADSR77 (8 mo ago)

Rob_1 said:


> Dude: it wouldn't matter to me how fiery of a Latina she would be. I would be more fiery. Part of your problem is that you were beta to her. She's used to strong Latin men, while you've been accommodating. basically, she lost respect for you as a man and most likely found a better suited (to Her) candidate. You gave too much and she gave little. She pushed you and you gave, bad synergy there. Live and learn.


Not sure what " strong Latin men" you are talking about.What I saw in her friends circles in UK is not what you say.Especially looking at her sons to be lazy as F.You might be right about relationship dynamic.
What is left is to learn.This does not explain how she at times was agressive towards me.I had something to say and have values system.There was no point of arguing as she would never admit her fault.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

ADSR77 said:


> Not sure what " strong Latin men" you are talking about.


I'm referring men from Latin America. The ones being borne in England or Europe, hah, no the same (there's exceptions though).

She was aggressive towards you because she sensed that she could. Women do sense when they can be a ***** to her man and when not. Like I say Most (but not all) men in Latin America are the leader in the relationship. Women respect that (or are afraid in a lot of cases).


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## syhoybenden (Feb 21, 2013)

Hey ADSR77, she's just not that into you. You are simply another one of the many irons in her fire. 
Don't waste any more time or thought on her.


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## ADSR77 (8 mo ago)

Lesson has beeen learned.From another hand agressive women nowadays is not isolated problem for particular nation or continent.
Thanks guys.


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## D0nnivain (Mar 13, 2021)

I don't think she's high maintenance. I do think that she doesn't respect you all that much & may be a bit addicted to her phone. She's got some FOMO going on & she's pretty rude / inconsiderate of others especially you.


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

I see a very self centered woman who only allowed you a superficial level of emotional closeness. Like @rob_ said she may be used to more dominant and passionate guys from her younger years who could handle her up and down temperament without getting insecure.

I know guys in Poland are not feminized men like what’s happened to a lot of guys in Western Europe but they’re not known to be passionate. With you being an engineer, I would guess you’re more analytical and logical in your thinking and how you carry yourself. I know that opposites can attract but there are a lot of other big differences to overcome.

Besides, with her already lining up your replacement over a petty act, shows that she was not a keeper anyway.


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

D0nnivain said:


> I don't think she's high maintenance. I do think that she doesn't respect you all that much & may be a bit addicted to her phone. She's got some FOMO going on & she's pretty rude / inconsiderate of others especially you.


She definitely has FOMO . (Fear if missing out). Which explains her social media obsession. The speed with which she’s put herself out there; leads me to believe she probably keeps a bunch of orbiters and was going to eventually leave or cheat.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

@ADSR77 You need a nice girl who will reflect your values. A girl of your own background, perhaps a fellow person from Poland who lives in the UK?


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## ADSR77 (8 mo ago)

Afternoon gents.
To be frank with you I am passionate by heart as I tend to do latin dancing and travel to South America.I am definitely liking latin culture from many angles. From other hand she has addmited that after few years her being single me asking why she has chosen me she said it was because latin guys also have a lot of demands and tend to ask many questions. ( which I can not prove or disprove).
She seemed was chilled and I have not seen her asking me million questions.As Europeans are more easy going she gave a chance for us to date.
The most of things made me thinking of her disrespecting me was way of talking to me if she wanted things to be done.
Instead using polite way she was giving more commands like would do mother to children or teacher to students.Telling or showing obvious things adult man does need to be shown.That was strange and only proves controlling personality.
I my opinion, even If I was more alpha then personalities clashes or arguments would come much earlier.


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## ADSR77 (8 mo ago)

MattMatt said:


> @ADSR77 You need a nice girl who will reflect your values. A girl of your own background, perhaps a fellow person from Poland who lives in the UK?


To be frank Polish women can be more laid back .However in UK and I suppose women from other less rich countries are not seeing good men from Poland as attractive and would seek dark skin Italians,Spaniards just because they think are more sexy.
This does not mean thay would be as good partners for LTR.
I like latinas because of her look ,how they dress ,dance and more.
I suppose I would have to learn much more to handle them better.
It does not mean all latinas are crazy and have attitude problem being bossy.


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## ADSR77 (8 mo ago)

jsmart said:


> She definitely has FOMO . (Fear if missing out). Which explains her social media obsession. The speed with which she’s put herself out there; leads me to believe she probably keeps a bunch of orbiters and was going to eventually leave or cheat.


As partner you can give some arguments to it for partner to cut down screen time. From other hand if other side does not want to do it you would never change it.


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## ADSR77 (8 mo ago)

jsmart said:


> I see a very self centered woman who only allowed you a superficial level of emotional closeness. Like @rob_ said she may be used to more dominant and passionate guys from her younger years who could handle her up and down temperament without getting insecure.
> 
> I know guys in Poland are not feminized men like what’s happened to a lot of guys in Western Europe but they’re not known to be passionate. With you being an engineer, I would guess you’re more analytical and logical in your thinking and how you carry yourself. I know that opposites can attract but there are a lot of other big differences to overcome.
> 
> Besides, with her already lining up your replacement over a petty act, shows that she was not a keeper anyway.


For me it is not about having short temperament .I have no patience nor energy for somebody throwing lightnings on every day basis and not listening to common sense.Why fight?


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

ADSR77 said:


> Afternoon gents.
> To be frank with you I am passionate by heart as I tend to do latin dancing and travel to South America.I am definitely liking latin culture from many angles. From other hand she has addmited that after few years her being single me asking why she has chosen me she said it was because latin guys also have a lot of demands and tend to ask many questions. ( which I can not prove or disprove).
> She seemed was chilled and I have not seen her asking me million questions.As Europeans are more easy going she gave a chance for us to date.
> The most of things made me thinking of her disrespecting me was way of talking to me if she wanted things to be done.
> ...



dude, she's just broken. That behavior speaks of defense mechanism, plus she's thinking that she can manage European men. You just dodged a bullet.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Latina women are not shrinking violets. How many kids did she have? And yes, many are not only used to but practically forced into traditional roles. They certainly can be hot tempered. 

The phone stuff is likely because of her kids. Geez, my friend's kids text her if they're in the same room with her. About nothing. 

I'm surprised she has as much time for dating and friends as she does, honestly. And no, you can't just assume she isn't just using you to do things for her, but I hope not. She would expect you to do man things without complaint, probably, so I hope she does woman things without complaint at least!!


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## ADSR77 (8 mo ago)

DownByTheRiver said:


> Latina women are not shrinking violets. How many kids did she have? And yes, many are not only used to but practically forced into traditional roles. They certainly can be hot tempered.
> 
> The phone stuff is likely because of her kids. Geez, my friend's kids text her if they're in the same room with her. About nothing.
> 
> I'm surprised she has as much time for dating and friends as she does, honestly. And no, you can't just assume she isn't just using you to do things for her, but I hope not. She would expect you to do man things without complaint, probably, so I hope she does woman things without complaint at least!!


I disagree about phone here. She just uses phone all day .I saw million of messages from various people and groups.
That person is far away from being traditional.It is more " I want it all" but have no time to manage it.
I did my masculine duties also being supportive in other ways however .I accepted whole package of her family.I can not say she was as supportive and I simply has not seen interest in planning to go out.I had to always remind her that she has forgotten things.
I was always put in the line as last and this was really noticable and unfair.
If your live style does not allow to have a partner or someone new comes to your life then it is matter of some compromises from both sides.
I've compromised from my spare time and did not moan about that.
If you see partner keep forgetting plans you mentioned and instead partner is planning something different with others then this means lack of respect.
It was not my job to keep reminding it to her.I understand duties of single mother but I can not be a personal adviser and beg for time together.
If it is your fault to forget you should admit it and make it up to other side/ask when your other half would be happy to do it.
If live is busy then some mutual respect and for or organizing life is a matter of common sense and not an opinion.
"so I hope she does woman things without complaint at least!! "
What do you mean by that?


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

ADSR77 said:


> I disagree about phone here. She just uses phone all day .I saw million of messages from various people and groups.
> I did my masculine duties also being supportive in other ways however .I accepted whole package of her family.I can not say she was as supportive and I simply has not seen interest in spending time with me even if she gave a green light when I asked her to go out.
> I was always put in the line as last and this was really noticable.
> If your live style does not allow to have a partner or someone new comes to your life then it is matter of some compromises from both sides.
> ...


Well, she certainly sounds like a busy extrovert and phone nut, then. So yeah, I think your perception is right that that means probably you will not get much priority. I'm sure some of her friends and family feel the same way as well. 

I guess this just isn't a match for you. Hey, she knows a lot of people. Maybe tell her it's not working out and see if she's too sore about it to introduce you to some of her single friends.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

@ADSR77 in my area Polish men are in very high demand from the local British girls. They are seen as being very handsome, dedicated, hard-working, smartly dressed and carrying themselves very well.


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## ADSR77 (8 mo ago)

DownByTheRiver said:


> Well, she certainly sounds like a busy extrovert and phone nut, then. So yeah, I think your perception is right that that means probably you will not get much priority. I'm sure some of her friends and family feel the same way as well.
> 
> I guess this just isn't a match for you. Hey, she knows a lot of people. Maybe tell her it's not working out and see if she's too sore about it to introduce you to some of her single friends.





DownByTheRiver said:


> Well, she certainly sounds like a busy extrovert and phone nut, then. So yeah, I think your perception is right that that means probably you will not get much priority. I'm sure some of her friends and family feel the same way as well.
> 
> I guess this just isn't a match for you. Hey, she knows a lot of people. Maybe tell her it's not working out and see if she's too sore about it to introduce you to some of her single friends.


In modern world obviosly smart phones help to stay in touch and manage a lot of business related matters.However if as a partner you are being neglected and put on hold while other side continues with busy online activities and you see no end of it at some point is is not healthy to your mental state.
You can not simply force partner to leave singleton mode and start couple mode knowing that him or her already made big changes in own routines.
Moving on then...


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## ADSR77 (8 mo ago)

I will write a about few things which I have planned to arrange to make much serious relationship.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

ADSR77 said:


> In modern world obviosly smart phones help to stay in touch and manage a lot of business related matters.However if as a partner you are being neglected and put on hold while other side continues with busy online activities and you see no end of it at some point is is not healthy to your mental state.
> You can not simply force partner to leave singleton mode and start couple mode knowing that him or her already made big changes in own routines.
> Moving on then...


Well, I'm sorry. But I always say dating is to find out these things. It's not a commitment to stay with the person. Some people hate quitting so bad they'll stay with people who aren't right for them. They won't leave bad matches or bad jobs or they feel like a quitter. I'm a bit that way with jobs, but not with people. Next!


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## 346745 (Oct 7, 2020)

if you met a woman, any woman, you met a high maintenance woman.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

Longtime Hubby said:


> if you met a woman, any woman, you met a high maintenance woman.


LOL!!!


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## ADSR77 (8 mo ago)

DownByTheRiver said:


> Well, I'm sorry. But I always say dating is to find out these things. It's not a commitment to stay with the person. Some people hate quitting so bad they'll stay with people who aren't right for them. They won't leave bad matches or bad jobs or they feel like a quitter. I'm a bit that way with jobs, but not with people. Next!


Commitment you make to yourself to do everything to resolve problems in relationship which always appear instead of cutting communication with partner and walking away.


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## Diceplayer (Oct 12, 2019)

ADSR77 said:


> Commitment you make to yourself to do everything to resolve problems in relationship which always appear instead of cutting communication with partner and walking away.


You have been given a lot of good advice here, but apparently that's not what you are looking for. You are determined to stay in this relationship even though the two of you are not compatible. So here's what will happen, you will stick around and marry this woman. Then, a year or two later, you will be right back here crying about this same stuff and saying, 'I thought that once we got married she would change.' You are on the path to an unhappy life. Hope you enjoy the trip.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

ADSR77 said:


> Commitment you make to yourself to do everything to resolve problems in relationship which always appear instead of cutting communication with partner and walking away.


That's not for dating though. Dating is about finding the best match and then you apply all that commitment to marriage. Unfortunately no one has a crystal ball to see what could be in the future.


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## Trident (May 23, 2018)

People don't need reading glasses because they ruined their eyes.

They need reading glasses because they got old. It's going to happen to you too. Unless you're nearsighted and wear glasses for distance- in which case you're going to have to remove them to read unless you get a bifocal or progressive. 
Unless you're one of those rare people that sees far in one eye, and close in the other, it's going to happen.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

ADSR77 said:


> Hi Everybody.
> I would like to shame my story of relationship I have been into and ask for second opinion.
> Please bear with me as English is not my native language
> The write up may be quite long and difficult to digest as involves sharing some experiences from different areas of relationship.I can not dislose too many details and names of relationship for personal reasons.I will do my best to be as accurate and honest.Some events I will be talking about may be thrown in suddenly so no chronological order will be kept but you will get full view as you read it.
> ...


Stay away from this woman unless you want drama and headache.


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## Brothapocalypse (12 mo ago)

She doesn't sound high maintenance, but given you both only started dating in Oct of last year, it was too soon to meet her kids. That's a big step for most parents so sounds like things were getting rushed? But in general, she does sound like an immature handful for a woman her age, always on the phone despite you wishing to spend better quality time. Let her go, my friend. You can find someone better, but it will be tough for her to find someone at her age with children and obsession with phone use.


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