# How Long Till Success



## braveheart2009

This is a question, which no one can answer I hope someone can who is happily married.

How long does it take to tell your having a successful marriage? 5 10 15 years? Do kids, home, car etc all prove that your marriage is blending smoothly?


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## Dryden

I honestly think the only thing that can tell that is you. If YOU and your spouse are both happy, then your marriage is successful. 

There are plenty of people married for years and years but both are miserable. To me that's not a successful marriage.

It's not going to be all roses and fireworks and lovey dovey all of the time, but as long as you can both look at your marriage and say that you are happy, who's to tell you otherwise?


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## Leahdorus

Dryden said:


> I honestly think the only thing that can tell that is you. If YOU and your spouse are both happy, then your marriage is successful.
> 
> There are plenty of people married for years and years but both are miserable. To me that's not a successful marriage.
> 
> It's not going to be all roses and fireworks and lovey dovey all of the time, but as long as you can both look at your marriage and say that you are happy, who's to tell you otherwise?


:iagree: what he said!


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## braveheart2009

Dryden said:


> I honestly think the only thing that can tell that is you. If YOU and your spouse are both happy, then your marriage is successful.
> 
> There are plenty of people married for years and years but both are miserable. To me that's not a successful marriage.
> 
> It's not going to be all roses and fireworks and lovey dovey all of the time, but as long as you can both look at your marriage and say that you are happy, who's to tell you otherwise?


I agree if both say there happy they are however sometimes I wonder weather its a fake happy just to stay together? 

I can understand if kids are involved they may live a miserable life with a bit of happyness but without I cannot understand how they can live together they are missing out so much.


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## SimplyAmorous

braveheart2009 said:


> How long does it take to tell your having a successful marriage? 5 10 15 years? Do kids, home, car etc all prove that your marriage is blending smoothly?



No, just having the "outward signs" of a good marraige -in no ways proves you have a happy satisfying marraige. ONe can be dying inside & just acting the part. I do not think one needs to wait X amount of years for this answer either. 

There may be flucuations along the way in how you feel towards your spouse, but generally >>>>> If you "long" to be with your husband/wife when they are NOT with you, this is a  good sign of happiness in a marraige. 

Talking about financial "success" is a whole different thing, many can have this & struggle terribly within marraige -whereas others may have a shoe string to live on but keep going fine cause of the LOVE that ties them together, admist anything. Kinda like Bon Jovi singing "Livin' on a Prayer".


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## created4success

braveheart2009 said:


> This is a question, which no one can answer I hope someone can who is happily married.
> 
> How long does it take to tell your having a successful marriage? 5 10 15 years? Do kids, home, car etc all prove that your marriage is blending smoothly?


My wife and I have been married over 15 years, and I'd say that there's no easy answer to "how long does it take to have a successful marriage?"

For us, I would say at about the half-way point, largely because I was immature, selfish and came from a very unhealthy background. For others, probably less.

The car, house, kids, vacation home, etc. make absolutely no difference. It's the quality of your relationship that counts.


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## losinglove

A lifetime


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## created4success

losinglove said:


> A lifetime


Sometimes, yes! But aren't there little hints of success in marriage along the way, long before you've gotten to the 25 year mark? I think so!


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## losinglove

I think there are moments where you can say that. But until you are on your death bed, can you really say your marriage was a success.

What if something goes wrong in the 26th or 27th year? There are at least a couple posts I have seen where they have been married for 40 years. When did their problems arise?


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## losinglove

Would you consider a marriage where one had an affair, they reconciled and their marriage became stronger than ever and they died happy and in love a success?


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## Crypsys

losinglove said:


> Would you consider a marriage where one had an affair, they reconciled and their marriage became stronger than ever and they died happy and in love a success?


If both people felt it was a success, then yes. Every marriage has different details, feelings and look to it. What might work beautifully for one marriage may be a disaster for another. I don't think an outside person can truly know for sure if another marriage is a success. Only the people involved in the marriage can say if it was truly a success for both of them.


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## losinglove

agreed


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## created4success

SimplyAmorous said:


> No, just having the "outward signs" of a good marraige -in no ways proves you have a happy satisfying marraige. ONe can be dying inside & just acting the part. I do not think one needs to wait X amount of years for this answer either.


I agree. Outward signs, such as wealth, an expensive home, nice cars and vacations are meaningless; signs of affluence, but little else. I know people that are disgustingly wealthy, but some of the most unhappy people with respect to their marriages.



> ...whereas others may have a shoe string to live on but keep going fine cause of the LOVE that ties them together, admist anything. Kinda like Bon Jovi singing "Livin' on a Prayer".


Love, and I would add communication & trust as well, is much more important than money by far. (Although having enough of the green stuff isn't bad). AS SA said, when you have that foundation of love, you can get thru the conflict and challenges.


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## Lasr60637

When couples are generally happy, they make others happy, their children are happy, both families are happy and friends and coworkers like being around both of you because you are sending positive energy their way.

I said generally happy because you are not going to feel that way 100% of your married life. The devil jumps in sometimes and tries to do his damage and you have to work that out.

Dont know how long it takes to officially say a marriage is a success, but I know the longer you are with someone, the more you feel what they feel and what happens to them, happens to you and if they hurt, you hurt.

Homes and cars does not describe success. Thats just a house note and a car note and anyone can do that.


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## crazy4you

10 Things You Can do to Spice up Your Old Married Love Life

1. Get some time to yourself. If you’re married and you have children, there are times you inevitably forget who you are. Take in a movie alone, or if you have the luxury, go camping alone for a night or with some girlfriends. Make time to miss your spouse. Travel alone, go on the adventures he’s not interested in. When you come back, you’ll be refreshed and he’ll look like he used to.

2. Learn forgiveness. Of him, of yourself, of life in general. Yes, he is annoying sometimes. But so are you (I know, it’s hard to believe). Try to remember we’ll all doing the best we can, and it seems too simple, but if you practice treating other people, especially your "old married" spouse, the way you want to be treated, amazing things can happen. Forgiveness and tolerance are two of the most important traits to develop in yourself if you want to be in a long lasting relationship.

3. Don’t neglect your love life. Don’t take it for granted that you’ll always be hot for each other. That takes TLC and maintenance. Hire a sitter and have a date night, at least once or twice a month as a bare minimum.

4. Since you know each other so well, do the things for each other that you know are special. If he loves the Giants, spring for tickets and go to a game together, eat bad hot dogs and $8 beer. Get him the Milky Way Midnight bars for no reason.

5. Don’t let yourself go. I’m not talking about plastic surgery, or being obsessed with flat abs, but at least sometimes, try to make yourself presentable for your spouse. Pretend that he or she is the new person in your life. You can’t help but feel a little "spicy" if you’ve got at least some lip gloss and some nice outfit on that isn’t sweatpants. At least on some level, your partner will appreciate that he’s special enough to look nice for.

6. Talk. I know, boring. But talking will get all of the mundane things out of your system and free up space for thinking….other things. If your mind is full of how it’s his turn to do the dishes and how it bugs you that he never is the one to do toothbrushing with the kids, you’ll have no room to remember how funny his jokes are or how he still has a cute butt.

7. Surprise each other. If things start getting to be the same ol’ thing, do something different. In the bedroom, try out some Kama Sutra moves, or buy new lingerie, role play, use more candles, take your time, think about what you used to do together in the early days, and recreate your favorite scenarios.

8. Do surprising things outside of the bedroom too. If you’re in a "What do you want to do?" "I don’t know, what do you want to do?" funk, just stop it. Take some time, do some research, brainstorm, come up with some new ideas. When you were first together, you did new stuff as a couple. It’s not too late. Pretend you’re a tourist in your own town, do something different and fun: try roller skating, ballroom dancing, go to a rave and wonder what all the kids’ parents must be thinking.

9. Okay, I can’t think of anything else. Use the last two to find your own ideas for a reviving the spark in your married life. Nobody knows you and your spouse better than you do, so get creative and remember what used to work. If it worked for you then, try it now, or try a new version. The truth is, what works for any one couple is ultimately unique to them.

Now knock some wood for me, because inevitably whenever I dole out relationship advice like I know what I’m talking about, the next day we always have a big, screaming fight and I realize that I don’t know anything.

Besides, I just looked out the window and saw that the gate is open. But you know what? It’s a good thing that’s on the list. :sleeping: "adultxdating.com"


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