# Dealing with post-Divorce is painful!!!!



## tyrone6384 (5 mo ago)

Am new here and I found this site looking for divorced men support groups. I was married for 16 years to the love of my life and the mother of my child. 5 months ago, she came to me and said she wanted out and she been unhappy for a long time which she hided it good because I was thinking we was getting better. it was till her 16-year-old son started to get disrespectful and didn't want to obey rules. He started to talk to her crazy and as the man I checked him, but he ended up swinging at me and the fight begin. She got in the way causing me to fall on the front bedroom front board which had me were I couldn't move. instead of her jumping in the way then, she let him jump on top of me and punch me like I killed his uncle. but after all of that our family went downhill because she was focused on him coming back and our relationship was in pieces. I lost my job due to my back injury when I was in the process of being one of the lead tech. but didn't see what the devil had coming. I was the type that had alot of faith and the devil knew how to break me. he use the people I love to attack my character and he got me when my wife ask for a divorce and had the paperwork filled out ready to go. Now I'm starting from the bottom trying to work myself up. It been a struggle because jobs haven't called or am not selected. my son acting out and I'm not in the home to guide him. it hurt because I helped raised her son up to 17 years and now I can't be there for my own . I can admit that myself worth was low due to horrible events in my past. I was thinking as long as I love my wife and be fateful, never cheat and give my heart 100 % I have a long marriage. I'm trying to love myself and live life alone. I even tried to date but that turned out badly because the person kept trying to size their self up with my ex-wife. she wanted me to love her like I did my ex wife when we only talked two months. I wasn't ready to date and I know that now. my heart still there for my ex even when I'm trying to move on. my ex-wife want us to be friends and help her when she need help which I had to distance myself because I was feeling used like a friend with no benefits . I just had to vent and read other people situation and to know I'm not alone. my life has been a bad ride and I just want to enjoy life before I leave this earth but all I been doing is get trapped in darkness. I'm scared to smile because soon as I do I get bad news or it short lived . Once a mom died I know a part of her left because she wasn't the same which I understand but I noticed no matter how I tried to make things peaceful and give her space it wasn't helping. I'm a caring person that loved to make people happy I loved even if I'm broken inside. she would get foot and body massages when she come home, house clean, kids taking care of and all I wanted was peace after a long day of work. the crazy thing was when I would give massages it would be like meditation to me but the devil number thing is to destroy which he did and cause confusion where we grow apart from each other . she wanted peace but now she calling mad at me because she don't have help and she not happy . saying I let her down when she ask for the divorced. the house a mess and stuff everywhere and its sad to see when I was helping alot but she couldn't see nothing I did when I was around and her son still disrespectful and out of line.


----------



## Trident (May 23, 2018)

tyrone6384 said:


> didn't see what the devil had coming. I was the type that had alot of faith and the devil knew how to break me. he use the people I love to attack my character and he got me when my wife ask for a divorce


You're blaming some horned red dude with a pointed weapon who lives under the ground for all your relationship problems.

That's not going to get this thing fixed.


----------



## Laurentium (May 21, 2017)

It was hard to take all that in, it's a bit of a blur of words. 

Here's what I thought I got. Please tell me if this is right or *please correct me if I misunderstood*
- you married a woman about 16 years ago, who already had a young baby
- you had another child with her, you don't say much about that child 
- your marriage broke up over conflict with her son when he was a teen
- you sustained an injury which has lost you your job
- you've tried dating, but it was much too soon
- your ex wife still expects you to help her, and you're not good at saying no.
- and you have "horrible events in your past". Not sure what that is. 

Is that a fair summary?


----------



## tyrone6384 (5 mo ago)

Laurentium said:


> It was hard to take all that in, it's a bit of a blur of words.
> 
> Here's what I thought I got. Please tell me if this is right or *please correct me if I misunderstood*
> 
> ...


 True 100% and I know it was alot. I should of summarize it better then I did. I had to vent but I would never be in this messed up situation never in life. working on myself is the number # 1 rule. It hurt big time but its a cold world out here and there no such thing as LOVE which I had to learn the hard way.


----------



## tyrone6384 (5 mo ago)

Trident said:


> You're blaming some horned red dude with a pointed weapon who lives under the ground for all your relationship problems.
> 
> That's not going to get this thing fixed.


So what your advice to fix it. am open minded and take any advice if helpful.


----------



## Trident (May 23, 2018)

My advice is that you can't fix it and proceed to plan your life going forward accordingly.


----------



## Laurentium (May 21, 2017)

Are you now legally divorced? Are you co-parenting the child that is yours?



tyrone6384 said:


> there no such thing as LOVE which I had to learn the hard way.


There is such a thing as love, but it doesn't solve everything.


----------



## Trident (May 23, 2018)

tyrone6384 said:


> there no such thing as LOVE which I had to learn the hard way.


Speak for yourself. I've been in love and had women fall in love with me many times.


----------



## tyrone6384 (5 mo ago)

Laurentium said:


> Are you now legally divorced? Are you co-parenting the child that is yours?
> 
> 
> There is such a thing as love, but it doesn't solve everything.


yes, I'm legally divorced. I get him every other weekend or whenever I want to see him. he stayed with me the whole summer.


----------



## tyrone6384 (5 mo ago)

Trident said:


> Speak for yourself. I've been in love and had women fall in love with me many times.


I was in love and this was the first time I truly loved someone. the new chick say she love me but I just not in that mind frame right now or anytime soon. I think it more of a lust then love to her but I just keep my distance and focus on myself.


----------



## 342693 (Mar 2, 2020)

Only advice I’ll offer is you should be friendly with your ex when kids are involved, but NEVER be friends. 

She left you and in order for you to heal, you need to put her in the past as much as possible. Don’t be her errand boy. Those are the benefits married people share.

Until you put her out of your mind, you will never be ready to date.


----------

