# Tony Robbins on why people cheat in Personal Power



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

This is only one explanation, but it does seem to be logical:-

"People will violate their values to meet their needs."

On a woman who was cheating on her husband Tony Robins said: "She was comfortable with her husband, but had no surprise in her life, no challenge and she chose a poor vehicle."

Even though her cheating "made her feel terrible."

Any thoughts?


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

MattMatt said:


> This is only one explanation, but it does seem to be logical:-
> 
> "People will violate their values to meet their needs."
> 
> ...


Maybe true in general terms, but as a blanket statement, far too strong. 

I have on numerous occasions done things that threatened my income, my health, my livelihood, and even my very existence rather than violate my values. 

The only resolution here for that statement to be true in my case would be if adhering to my values is my greatest need. 

Maybe that's the case.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

He would know.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

MattMatt said:


> This is only one explanation, but it does seem to be logical:-
> 
> "People will violate their values to meet their needs."
> 
> ...


Regardless of any circumstances, and I don't discount them, it all boils down to enjoying being desired, pursued and captured.

Sex is the culmination, trophy and reward for both WS and AP.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

It is sometimes easier to succumb to immediate gratification, than wait - or maybe just hope - for delayed gratification. Many grasp the now, discounting the future.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

Why is it surprising. *some* people will perform a variety of unethical or immoral acts to get something that they want. Different people put different values on things that they want, and different costs on various forms of immorality. 

It can range from using a friend's netflix login, to putting melamine in baby food to modestly increase your company profits. Cheating is somewhere within that range.


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## StillSearching (Feb 8, 2013)

MattMatt said:


> This is only one explanation, but it does seem to be logical:-
> 
> "People will violate *their values* to meet their needs."
> 
> ...


What values?
They never had them to begin with.


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## blazer prophet (Jun 1, 2019)

ConanHub said:


> Regardless of any circumstances, and I don't discount them, it all boils down to enjoying being desired, pursued and captured.
> 
> Sex is the culmination, trophy and reward for both WS and AP.


I think for most women, it comes down to being validated. To prove they have significant meaning as a person. It's like a commodity and sex in the currency the guy demands. Many women are willing to pay for the validation they don't think they get at home.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

blazer prophet said:


> I think for most women, it comes down to being validated. To prove they have significant meaning as a person. It's like a commodity and sex in the currency the guy demands. Many women are willing to pay for the validation they don't think they get at home.


Same for male cheaters, too, I suspect.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

sokillme said:


> He would know.


Unavailable here.


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## blazer prophet (Jun 1, 2019)

uhtred said:


> Why is it surprising. *some* people will perform a variety of unethical or immoral acts to get something that they want. Different people put different values on things that they want, and different costs on various forms of immorality.
> 
> It can range from using a friend's netflix login, to putting melamine in baby food to modestly increase your company profits. Cheating is somewhere within that range.


I read a lengthy article in Psychology Today about women who betray. Their assessment is that, in general, betraying is similar to an addiction. The traits are similar. One has the betraying gene or they don't. My wife (we're both on second marriages) had every reason to cheat. Her husband got testicular cancer when she was 28 and refused sex after for 8 years. He was verbally abusive and finally she had to grab the kids and flee. She had a LOT of opportunities to have sex with other men, but never gave it a thought. Other women drop panties with "Hello". 

That's why I like the saying, "once a betrayer, always a betrayer". Just like an alcoholic. They may not betray again, but the propensity to do so is there. I speak in general terms, of course.


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## blazer prophet (Jun 1, 2019)

MattMatt said:


> Same for male cheaters, too, I suspect.


For sure.


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## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

MattMatt said:


> "People will violate their values to meet their needs."


My thought is that people will violate their values, in an attempt to get their needs met, in a way that won't meet their needs.

Maturity brings us understanding that our needs will not be met by violating our values. We only get what we want, temporarily.


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## hptessla (Jun 4, 2019)

blazer prophet said:


> I think for most women, it comes down to being validated. To prove they have significant meaning as a person. It's like a commodity and sex in the currency the guy demands. Many women are willing to pay for the validation they don't think they get at home.


I increasingly wonder if it also isn't tied to the fiction sold specifically to women that they can have it all.
I grew up in a time where it was most common for the man to go to work and the woman stay home. I never remember my father saying anything like that he was glad I would have the opportunity to work as an adult. I don't remember a single one of my male friends saying a word about being happy that they could go to work as an adult. It was simply the way it was for young men, you would go to work every day; there was no joy in that fact.

My wife works and is unhappy. I stay home with the kids, I worked for almost 20 years professionally so I understand how 'tiring' work is but she has zero understanding of how tiring taking care of the kids is. When they were little it was obvious to her that she did not want to stay home with them, she would comment on it periodically. Now they are school age and as they entered school she seems to have the idea that my life is now one of ease and leisure. I found out she was having an affair. There is little doubt in my mind part of her 'reasoning' had to do with the idea that she should be enjoying her life and that I was home enjoying mine goofing off. Deep down she feels that she should be able to have it all and since I angered her via her perception of my life as SAHD and she lost sexual interest in me she went somewhere else. It was impulse at first then it was entitlement as a tagged on rationalization.
Laughably similar to the attitude of many men who cheat on their wives.


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## blazer prophet (Jun 1, 2019)

hptessla said:


> I increasingly wonder if it also isn't tied to the fiction sold specifically to women that they can have it all.
> I grew up in a time where it was most common for the man to go to work and the woman stay home. I never remember my father saying anything like that he was glad I would have the opportunity to work as an adult. I don't remember a single one of my male friends saying a word about being happy that they could go to work as an adult. It was simply the way it was for young men, you would go to work every day; there was no joy in that fact.
> 
> My wife works and is unhappy. I stay home with the kids, I worked for almost 20 years professionally so I understand how 'tiring' work is but she has zero understanding of how tiring taking care of the kids is. When they were little it was obvious to her that she did not want to stay home with them, she would comment on it periodically. Now they are school age and as they entered school she seems to have the idea that my life is now one of ease and leisure. I found out she was having an affair. There is little doubt in my mind part of her 'reasoning' had to do with the idea that she should be enjoying her life and that I was home enjoying mine goofing off. Deep down she feels that she should be able to have it all and since I angered her via her perception of my life as SAHD and she lost sexual interest in me she went somewhere else. It was impulse at first then it was entitlement as a tagged on rationalization.
> Laughably similar to the attitude of many men who cheat on their wives.


As Erma stated, "the grass is always greener over the septic tank."


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## WorkingWife (May 15, 2015)

I believe this is true, that people will violate their values to meet their needs, and a lot of cheating comes from unmet needs.

And of course then there are those cheaters who don't have any values to violate in the first place.




MattMatt said:


> This is only one explanation, but it does seem to be logical:-
> 
> "People will violate their values to meet their needs."
> 
> ...


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

MattMatt said:


> Even though her cheating "made her feel terrible."


Oh, but she felt good doing it, over and over.

When she left her AP's sight and came within her husbands sight, good vibes left, terrible guilt, took hold.
Maybe..

Keep in mind....

Those regretting words are predictable, keeping to the cheaters script. 

What is she supposed to say?

Uh, I loved every minute of my cheating, had not a care in the world. I was on Cloud Nine, before, during and after the EA/PA.
Uh, no. no cheater will say that.

A grain of salt will largely fill, and fit squarely on a cheater's remorse plate.
Often, this.





[THM]- The Typist I


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## Dragan Jovanovic (Jan 16, 2019)

There are good and there are bad people on this Earth. People kill other people,they rape,kidnap,rob,people do many horible things. We just have to realise that people who cheat just have bad personality. They can act good for years,but they eventually show their true face.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Dragan Jovanovic said:


> There are good and there are bad people on this Earth. People kill other people,they rape,kidnap,rob,people do many horible things. We just have to realise that people who cheat just have bad personality. They can act good for years,but they eventually show their true face.


And life and its temptations have a way of breaking one's professed resolve, and one's proper boundaries.

Boundaries are only as strong as some _What If? _

At some point, people bend, morals fall. 

Those that never bend seem to be very miserable souls. 

Tight with others, unnecessarily selfish to themselves.





[THM]- SunCMars


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Dragan Jovanovic said:


> There are good and there are bad people on this Earth. People kill other people,they rape,kidnap,rob,people do many horible things. We just have to realise that people who cheat just have bad personality. They can act good for years,but they eventually show their true face.


I think this is overly simplistic. I've never stolen, for example, but if I were starving (or my kids were) and I had no other immediate options to get food, damn right I'd steal and damn the consequences.

Put to the extreme, almost everyone - except a few true "saints" (who may be deluded anyway) - will act in their own self-interest.


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## hptessla (Jun 4, 2019)

blazer prophet said:


> As Erma stated, "the grass is always greener over the septic tank."


The septic tank in this case is no doubt colored by an envious green grudge. She denies it but I grew up with a family of grudge holders. She holds countless mini-grudges against me and they equal, in her mind, justification. Of course she cannot admit this to herself. Maybe one day.


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## StillSearching (Feb 8, 2013)

Dragan Jovanovic said:


> There are good and there are bad people on this Earth. People kill other people,they rape,kidnap,rob,people do many horible things. We just have to realise that people who cheat just have bad personality. They can act good for years,but they eventually show their true face.


Everyone has a shadow.
They either suppress it or succumb to it. 
"I don't think that you have any insight whatsoever into your capacity for good until you have some well-developed insight into your capacity for evil" JP

It's how we act out those capacities that makes us a good or bad person. 
You are your actions.
It's not personality.
It's more like identity.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Desire and opportunity.

It’s just who they are.

It’s not rocket science.


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