# A possible reality...



## snowy13 (Jan 9, 2011)

Hello - I have another post "Don't know what to do," but am looking for some more advice that although it's related, more specific.

Short summary, my H had a one night stand back in Nov and now the OW is pregnant. There is question whether it is his but unfortunately it's possible. I have really been struggling with this. I know I love him even though I am so angry for what he did. We are trying to work on things, but it's so hard to think about the future when I know there could be a child coming. Is there anyone out there who has faced anything similar, how did you handle it?


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## jessi (Feb 11, 2009)

Hi Snowy13, 
First of all let me say that I'm sorry you are going through this, you have a few problems here, first of all your husband and his cheating......why did he feel the need to have a ONS? Is this really the kind of man you want in your life..........is this the only one?
First you have to decide if the marriage is worth saving.......if this isn't the first time, then I might be tempted to walk, if you think it was one mistake and you want to rebuild, he will have to be transparent and do everything in his power to make the marriage right..........
if he does this and there is a child, have paternity tests done to comfirm........you will have to decide if you can handle this, do you have any children yourself.............it is a life time, not just a few months of recovery......It isn't easy.............
You have a lot of thinking to do.........you have time..but be honest with him that this might be something to great for you to bear.....


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## snowy13 (Jan 9, 2011)

Thank you Jessi - these are the same things that are constantly going through my mind. A paternity test will be done for sure - no, we do not have any children. He keeps telling me how upset he is with himself because I am the only person he would want to have children with.


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## jessi (Feb 11, 2009)

snowy, 

Give yourself time to figure this out, seek help from family and friends, you aren't equipped to handle this by yourself.........
I don't know what I would do, this is a huge obstacle, I mean it's not the baby's fault, you could love the baby..........there is a lot to consider, I guess they could co-parent without a lot of contact, it all depends on your husband's ability to always put your needs first here, this happened to a friend of mine, her son, guess what the baby wasn't his when it was all said and done...............did she sleep with anyone else at the time.........that would be the miracle you two could pray for............
I can't imagine, children are such a blessing and they don't decide how they come into this world.........but they are worth every minute they are here, it might turn out to be a blessing who knows.....
how big is your heart Snowy13.


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## snowy13 (Jan 9, 2011)

We don't know if she has, but there have been hints that she has. She is also stating, as well as her H, that she is 5 months, that would be one month too far for it to be my H's. But then she'll turn around and say she's due Aug. I asked the H when her due date is and he just said "No clue." The other thing is I know I am not ready for children myself, my H know that. We both always knew one day we would, but I'm wondering if that is affecting his feelings and why up until recently he continued to be in contact with her.


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## snowy13 (Jan 9, 2011)

Just looking for a place to vent today I guess... I have not been able to get all of this off my mind all week - I so want to just enjoy time with my H and rebuild, but I can't even sit and have nice conversation with him because this is all that I think about. I have been off work this week and I'm hoping being back on Monday and busy will help. Not sure of the point of this post - just feeling alone with no one to really talk to.


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## HappyFeeling (Apr 5, 2011)

Hi Snowy13,
I'm sorry to hear that you're undergoing this traumatic experience.


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## snowy13 (Jan 9, 2011)

Am I crazy for considering staying? After reading other posts/replies over the last few days all I seem to see is people saying not to. I love him but hate what he has done.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

What does she and her husband plan to do? Are they staying together and will they come after him for child support? Will she plan want the child to have contact with his/her father or does you husband want a relationship with the child. They might want to just take the child as their own and avoid messing the child up by creating any drama. 

Somehow this woman will be in your life if you stay with your husband. There may be financial obligations if not now then maybe when or if OW and her husband divorce. can you live with this matter floating around in you life. 

Consider carefully you don't have to make a decision now, wait until you find out definitely about DNA. Another thing to consider is that it usually takes at lest two yrs to get over an affair, you can consider starting a fresh relationship - it will take about 2 yrs to get to know someone new. By that time you may be ready to have children. You avoid the pain of this OW in the background and the pain of your husband stupidity. 

In addition, if there are financial obligations and visitation, you will essentially be paying and taking care of the child. it will come out of your family budget and your parenting time. What ever you do, don't get pregnant.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## snowy13 (Jan 9, 2011)

I don't know what their plan is - I am pretty sure he left her which scares me even more that she will try to go after my H. I have tried telling my H I don't know how to feel about this and don't know if I can handle being with him if this child is his... he doesn't talk to me about it, he just throws it back at me saying "then what's the point, why are you with me now, just go then."


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

snowy13 said:


> I don't know what their plan is - I am pretty sure he left her which scares me even more that she will try to go after my H. I have tried telling my H I don't know how to feel about this and don't know if I can handle being with him if this child is his... he doesn't talk to me about it, he just throws it back at me saying "then what's the point, why are you with me now, just go then."


I honestly do not understand why a woman would actually hesitate about leaving a man who has cheated hurt an humiliated you and shows that he cares so little about you that he tells you to take it or leave it. I am going to be blunt - so you have a man who eeefff a women, gets her pregnant, sees the how pained his wife is and humiliates and beats her down more by refusing to talk about it and invites her to leave her own house and she does not throw him out. . 

I am astounded- please don't say you love him, if he does not care if you stay or go then love is not enough. Where is you self respect, don't you have one ounce of self esteem? This man does not even like you. I don't want to cause you more pain but to wake you up. Women get themselves into these situations and then 10 yrs latter when she has 3 kids and he is on his 5 affair she regrets her decision to stay. He can not possibly be worth this. 

You stand the chance of paying for his stupidity and taking care of the child and you hesitate. I don't understand. Please take you dignity and throw him out take half of the asset and call your self lucky. If you stay, plan on a life of pain, degradation, STDs, and maybe taking care of a few more of his kids. 

Of corse you can get out and thank you luck that you are not stuck with this tool. This woman and your husband diserve each other, while you are in a healthy relationship you can watch them cheat on each other and fight various firms of STDs. After a year or two with the OW he will regret giving you up for his miserable life. 

GET OUT OF THIS YOU DON'T BELONG WITH THIS MAN.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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