# Married and sad



## jensawyer564 (May 23, 2013)

I desperately need advice. I am in my 40’s, married with 3 children and miserable.
My husband, although a good guy does absolutely nothing. He does work full time, but when he gets home he goes to our bedroom, lays in bed watching tv, and expects me to make him dinner, bring him snacks, take care of the kids, and anything else that comes up. I also work full time, I work at home, but full time. Anytime I ask him to do something he gets an attitude and tells me he will do it when he feels like it. If I tell him I will take care of it then, he says go ahead and I will mess it up. He is also gained a ton of weight, he is over 300 lbs. With all this being said, I do love him. I also would like to feel desired. He on the other hand only wants sex once a week and it is always the same. His sex drive has always been like this even when we were younger. He blames my attitude, the kids being in our bed, etc etc etc, but bottom line, he only wants it once a week at best.
What do I do? I am not Pamela Anderson by any means, but I am an attractive women, who works very hard and has a lot to offer. I want help, I want sex more often, I want to see our kids as a joy and not a burden due to my stress level. I want to feel happy! I want so many things, and outside of all the things I mentioned above, I can’t count on him to take care of any of my wants. Maybe I am expecting too much, but I would love a man who takes charge sometimes, I want to buy a home, I want to have sex OFTEN, I want to enjoy my kids…….
All advice appreciated.


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

Sit him down and tell him just what you tell us. Only add an ultimatum to it. If he wants to remain married, he has to start working on both himself and the marriage. 

Also, on a more practical matter, start cooking more healthy, remove fatty snacks from the house entirely. Add unbuttered popcorn, fruit, jello, popsicles.... Start walking and ask him to join you. Things like that. Tell him how happy the both of yoou will be...


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

OP, have a serious conversation with him about how you feel. Yo both full-time and he should help you out. 

Try to go exercising/walking with him after dinner. Switch off on making dinner. 

Threads like this make me glad I'm not married anymore.


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

After that talk I would take the TV out of the bedroom and throw it away. He has a family - he needs to have family time. 

And don't take him food/snacks - say the same thing he does "I'll do it when I get around to it". If he says he's stressed and needs to unwind (TV/bedroom), then he needs to leave the house and take a walk.

You can approach this from a health standpoint - you want your marriage to be healthy, you want him to be healthy and happy. Exercise reduces stress. The kids miss him and he should be in their lives, not holed up in another room - focus on the things he will miss.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

You REALLY think you still love this man? WHY?


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

He doesnt' sound any more lovable than the couch itself.


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## TCSRedhead (Oct 17, 2012)

This warrants a planned conversation. Seriously explain that you are not happy with the current state of affairs and that if things do NOT change, that you will divorce. 

Men do not respond well to subtle hints and innuendo. They need you to be clear and direct in your expectations.

I'd also suggest that he get in to the doctor for a physical to check his hormone (testosterone) levels which may account for some of the issues.


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## JustHer (Mar 12, 2013)

OP, are you ready to change this. It sounds to me as if you are a little on the passive side. He gains all this weight, yet you still bring him snacks while he sits on his but (or lays on it in bed). You continue to cater to him, do all the cleaning, cooking, etc.

Have you ever said NO. Have you ever stood your ground?
If so, what happens? If not, why not?


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