# saga continues...need some uplifting adivce! please!



## lost1234 (Aug 24, 2009)

ok, so the vaca was unbelievably great! this past week wasnt so bad either...h backed away a bit which is understandable.
h worked all weekend, side job, ok, we need the money.
I stayed home with the girls and cleaned, did laundry and cooked a fabulous turkey dinner. Just get his call...wants to just go back to moms...all of the job ( he is doing a rh-had to a house that involves a lot of plumbing), turned against him and it was issue after issue all afternoon...fine me and the kids will enjoy our dinner...whats freaking me out is the rest of the conversation...
again h doesnt make sense...not sure what he wants, needs time to himself and all he does is kill himself working...and for what we are still broke. it isnt the low testosterone that made him leave...it has nothing to do with how he feels...blah blah blah!!!
I could SCREAM!
like in other posts, now that the dr has dx h with this it makes PERFECT sense... can even go back and pinpoint what triggered this whole mid life thing. its like the fact about the low testosterone only confirmed my thoughts...
is it simply he wont accept it?
he even called back and apologized, said once again it was not me...
WTF am i supposed to do??? both girls are sick...again now i have a [email protected]#&%+ 20 lb turkey dinner and all the fixings and all he wants to do is go to sleep???
what about his children and wife? h really be this blinded at times??? dr says yes, but anyone have any experience here??? i know this wont just go away and he did aggravate me, not by missing the dinner and the evening, but commenting on what gives me so much hope...well why is he so gd pessimistic??? if he is feeling guilty about not being here, then shouldnt he be here??? could it be getting to him that i am not letting him see how much this truly is consuming me??
do i just have hope for no reason??? i dont believe that for a min. but should i??? help me please!!!


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## lost1234 (Aug 24, 2009)

here is another weird thing...after almost a month and a half of no major mishaps...almost none at all he felt the need to "remind me " of why he left.... guilt and this in one conversation am i crazy or is it bothering him more than me???


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

OK. He's tired and cranky and hormonal! He's going to say things that he doesn't mean or he isn't using his filter at the moment.

Forget the dinner. Forget the cranky man. Let him say these things. Tell..."Ok I get it already." Let him say words and behave a different way. 

Give him space and time. That's what he's asking for. 

I would suggest...being busy sometimes. Asking him to watch kids because you have "plans." Get him to thinking that you are moving toward others things and won't be waiting forever.

The more I say these things to you and rehash my life over the past year...I think you gotta play this like a game. It's not popular to say play your marriage like a game. However, you make a move and he makes a move. It's a serious game.


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## lost1234 (Aug 24, 2009)

thanks c! thats exactly what i needed! thanks for taking the time to be repetitious with me! my mind is spinning...lol i just cant keep up right now...the past couple of weeks the kids have been sick...then vaca...now sick again.
threw the frigging mashed potatoes in the trash can tonight. as soon as i was getting them ready my 5 year old screams..."I NEED A GARBAGE CAN". what a dinner...oh well, lets see what tomorrow brings! 
i am weak tonight and want him to come home! :sleeping:
i have been trying to get some input on mid life crisis and low testosterone...no one has answered...ill do some more research on my own...have a good night and thanks again!


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## knortoh (Sep 5, 2009)

sorry lost - don't know anything about the testoterone stuff and sounds like today would have been hard even with him there...
CW knows her stuff - 
it does feel abnormal playing a game with your relationship but it is what we do to get through -
it is stratgey and consideration and care and all the strength and sense that you have...
they get really emotional and indulgent - we have to go the other way -....don't know why that is how it is - but it is


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

I'm sure testosterone does play a major role in mid life crisis for those that have low doses. Even those within the normal range...have mid life crisis. 

Just think of how hormones play a major role in our lives. Depending upon the person but I gotta say...I used to feel EVIL during a certain time of the month. I'm sure some of you relate. Now that I've aged. I am not longer EVIL! 

I'd imagine the same goes for low test.


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## lost1234 (Aug 24, 2009)

thank c and k...i know what the dr says is this IS male menopause...my h will not accept that something truly is wrong, and that YES there is an explanation AND help for it...he would rather take it out on me I guess...just venting
pisses me off to no end he is like this, like I said we can pinpoint it all as far as a time frame and the such...good thing is it started over 2 1/2 years ago and has progressively gotten worse. hopefully it will come to an end soon...i am patient:smthumbup:


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## knortoh (Sep 5, 2009)

so many reasons these guys do this - but all adds up to same result for us - learn to get on without them


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## Ilovemyfeelings (Oct 20, 2009)

wow...my husband is going through this...I'm sure of it...but he has other issues too...This can't be fixed it just has to take it's course and guess what? You have to be VERY patient or it will end your marriage.


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## wren (Aug 19, 2009)

J was finally diagnosed, after many doctors refused to test him for over a year, with low testosterone. Now I'm wondering if this is tied to his decision to leave me. My friends joke about an early mid-life crisis. But I wonder if since his hormone replacement therapy started, if he didn't decide to start all over, with his entire life?


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## lost1234 (Aug 24, 2009)

wren, i feel the exact same way, probably have the exact same thoughts!
my h refuses to accept that this "male menopause" thing IS real, and CANcause some major problems...if u let it. 
it made pefect sense to me when the doctor finallt dx the t and explained ALL od the other symptoms...including the aches and pains, depression, being withdrawn, unhappy...all of it! what a wimp is what i would like to come out and say, but i wont. i support and listen. our girls and my h are MOST of the meaning in my life,we all need each other.my other threads give more detail...just want you to know you are not alone...i am beginning to think my h is not so far away from me...not as far as he thinks...he has started to use the word guilty. i have done not a thing to make he feel or think that, it is all within HIMSELF!


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

My H has the same feeling and emotions as your including the guilt. 

It's all them. Sometimes with these things you don't realize how much they effect you until you are over them or coming out of the fog. Our H's are still in the fog.


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## knortoh (Sep 5, 2009)

wren said:


> J was finally diagnosed, after many doctors refused to test him for over a year, with low testosterone. Now I'm wondering if this is tied to his decision to leave me. My friends joke about an early mid-life crisis. But I wonder if since his hormone replacement therapy started, if he didn't decide to start all over, with his entire life?


Wren - I didn't know this - explains everything! A friend of mine went through early menopause and left her husband who she had just married - hitched up with a sleezy guy - and came back to a loving husband after 6 months....hormones are huge in our lives....


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## lost1234 (Aug 24, 2009)

K,
i am assuming this would apply to males then also...explaining my h at this time...


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## knortoh (Sep 5, 2009)

don't see why not -


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