# The Reacher and the Settler.



## Unhappy2011 (Dec 28, 2011)

If anybody watches "How I met your Mother" you may have seen the episode about the reacher and the settler.

Quote from the show's website.



> "Every good relationship has a reacher and a settler." Ted went on to explain that one person reaches for someone out of their league and the other person settles for someone below theirs.


Do people think this is true?

And which one would you prefer to be?


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## Cogo123 (Jan 5, 2012)

Yes but I think it can be true but it depends on the two people involved. They allow this to happen to themselves. Where others would not settle or reach beyond for someone out of their league.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Unhappy2011 said:


> If anybody watches "How I met your Mother" you may have seen the episode about the reacher and the settler.
> 
> Quote from the show's website.
> 
> ...


This is an interesting question.

Although I do believe AT the onset of a relationship -there is an original *Reacher* and what may "appear" a* Settler *to many, even to themselves.........but it doesn't have to remain this way. Infact, it shouldn't !! Some think too highly of themselves while some not highly enough! Then others have insecurities yet to overcome, immaturity issues, or just trying to keep up with what their friends might be doing, or "at least somebody loves me-better take them" way of thinking". ETC..

As a relationship gets under way, given some time & each opens themselves up to the other, hopefully these things can he shared & halfed in helping each other with whatever insecurities the other might have brought to the relationship. Love has a way of breaking that down , or so I believe...........

I don't feel it wise if people marry until this is leveled out even.....each feeling pretty "equal" in thier devotion, their attention, thier love for the other. If it doesn't lead to this, if these lingering beliefs & lopsided feelings pursue, it will near always cause issues down the marital road.....

....in the way of doormatism / feeling we can never compare (on the Reachers end)....boredom / lack of respect / "I jumped too soon" (on the Settler's end). No one wants to feel they were "settled" for, that they care more, love more, feel more. This is very very hurtful .

In our relationship, my husband was the "Reacher" and what is very funny about it is...he had near no confidence at all when he asked me to go with him ,after just days of talking in a new school cafeteria . When he told me about this a few yrs ago, I :rofl: so hard. He was thinking too Lowly of himself- expecting rejection even, having "I might as well get it over with " attitude, but he knew he'd kick himself if someone else came along & took me away. 

Thankfully I didn't think too highly of myself and gave him a chance. 

He has always felt I am better than him - but that doesn't make it reality, ya know. I wavered a little in our dating yrs, not being totally sure He was my future.... one thing I would never be is a "settler", I wouldn't want anyone to feel that way about me, and I wouldn't do it to them either. 

I waited it out , sorted it out- listened carefully to my heart...as to do right by HIM and MYSELF... When the peace came that I KNEW that I knew that I knew we were meant to be.....we planned our wedding. He was my equal, I wanted him AS MUCH as he wanted me when we said those vows. 

Somebody has to *reach *for what they want, take a chance, Love IS the biggest risk of all but ...does anything have greater rewards when it finds what it is seeking - and is given in return -freely?

Might as well put yourself out there..... What is really cool is.... he sings my praises and I sing his... I think he is better than me! I am very thankful he "reached" for me , or we would have missed it all.


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## Unhappy2011 (Dec 28, 2011)

^^very nice.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

I love that show.


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