# Should i just be done?



## What to do ? (May 30, 2016)

Hi everyone. I have been with my husband for 5 yrs. No children together. We have only been married 15 months! We can not seem to be on the same page. He is horrible at managing money . He shoved my face away from him with both hands after pulling over and slamming on the brakes and gets out on highway. I of course beg him to get back in the truck as i have no idea where we are. All over giving his child 100$ a week . Of which we can not afford. And there is no court order. This was in August. I am not currently working full time as i had a concussion a yr ago and now dealing with 3 bulgung disc in my neck. 
Long story short ...he open hand slapped me gave me a fat lip, told me to leave in March when his daughter told him she was moving out and had been there a short time with us. Of course that was my fault. I ran her off because i confronted her about lying to her dad about me. So 6 weeks of counceling....2 good weeks. I think omg progress. Then breaks a promise made in counceling and lies about paying a partial rent payment, when i caught him , i knew he had been at the casino. Not the first time!!! Prior to lie he buys a boat. Puts three weeks of bills on my ctedit card . Agrees to tight budget for at least a month which is all off track due to casino. Lied about his daughters car payment, by 50$ for weeks . Hence i catch anothet lie ! After 2 weeks of no money for bills, i say we need to sit down and figure out the bills. Trying to include him so we can include rent payment . He says get a job ! He then kicks foot stool, throws kitchen chair and then punches a hole in a bedroom door. i am yelling to stop it and his 23 yr old son puts both hands over my mouth and says SHUT UP SHUT UP . DONT SAY ANOTHER WORD . Freeing myself i scream dont you ever put your hands on me again. Husband is now in bedroom getting shoes and keys to leave ...hollers yeah dont put your hands on her. I made them leave packed an overnight bag and left. I told him i would be back for my things. Moved my stuff out the next evening and he didnt speak a word. 
Has only talked to me a couple of times in 10 days. Not a word about us ? About what is going on ? What we should do ? No im sorry.
He wont call me ....seems fine with it or he thinks i will return . Im sick about the whole thing. Very irresponsible bit i have stuck by him hoping to better his life ..our life . He with holds in the bedroom ...just an avoidant about everything. WHAT TO DO ? i cant save this myself ??? I have given my all and any money made to the marriage. Is this really over? Not fixable? I cant seem to let go ? And of course everyone thinks im crazy????? I have loved this man and he is my husband !!! Im sad , scared, and can not believe this is my life. This is my second marriage. Abandoned after 20 yrs in 2005 with two beutiful daughters. The oldest says you go back , I'll write you off mom. 
What cha all think ....sorry so lengthy, my heart hurts.


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## camerashy (May 29, 2016)

I will say nothing except for this:

Don't try talking to him (there is NOTHING to salvage). Get a restraining order and file for divorce.


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## Lostme (Nov 14, 2014)

Don't go back, the abuse will only get worse. 

Do you really want to live like that?


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## What to do ? (May 30, 2016)

Thanks and no i dont. I thought this would give him a wake up call. i guess im just in shock . I really thought we had more than all this. It went downhill so fast. I gave my all and cannot believe he is not feeling a loss or an urgency to change to save the marriage. Just feel like i am not worth fighting for.


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## ReturntoZero (Aug 31, 2015)

What to do ? said:


> Thanks and no i dont. I thought this would give him a wake up call. i guess im just in shock . I really thought we had more than all this. It went downhill so fast. I gave my all and cannot believe he is not feeling a loss or an urgency to change to save the marriage. Just feel like i am not worth fighting for.


Start living your life.

The hell with him.

If a wake-up call is received, it won't be from some posturing about what you may or may not be doing. It will be from a commitment to move forward in your life without any input from him.


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## What to do ? (May 30, 2016)

Thanks . I just wish i could let go and the hurt would go away. My head says be done....my heart is saying , another failed marriage, my vows were real . Im 48 and here i stand again . 
With nothing , back at my parents...seriously. 
I need to get my neck well again...and find a job i can do ....why in the hell is this so scary and
I feel like the loser?!!!! Its just loss of what i thought we had. I have been doing all the work since day one. What an idiot!!!!


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## ReturntoZero (Aug 31, 2015)

If you've been willing to do "all the work", it means you've been placing too low of a value on yourself.

It's a recipe for codependence - as you will eventually resent the other person for doing nothing.

Then you'll have an outbreak of codependent rage.


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## What to do ? (May 30, 2016)

I think i get that... hsrd to hear . i have always put others before myself. So standing up for myself and not allowing to be treated like this is a huge stand. Then out of no where comes this guilt.
Yet my head knows he is not willing or maybe even capable of feeling what i feel. I still dont get why he hasnt contacted me. Easier for him to put it all on me i guess. It just hurts.


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## Bibi1031 (Sep 14, 2015)

You left. He didn't kick you out. you told him you would be back for your things. 

You were doing so well, why do you feel guilty? You got out of a terrible marriage. This man can't give you the marriage you want. You picked the wrong guy for the job. 

You are mourning because no one marries to fail. One marries to make a long term commitment to the person you love with the expectation that you will be happy together til death do you part. 

Mourn your loss. It was a big loss for you. Allow time to do its thing and heal you. You will get through this as you have always done. Be grateful you have parents that take you in when you are in desperate times. Turn to them and your family and friends. They will help ease your broken heart.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

He's an abuser and he's taught his son to be an abuser. What a guy! Let him support his brats and see how long he lasts. Your problem is getting the money back that he put on your credit card.

Did all this go downhill right after you got married? He didn't show any signs of gambling or squandering money in the 3-4 years you knew him before marriage?

You need to get legal help so you won't be responsible for any further debt he runs up.


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## What to do ? (May 30, 2016)

Bibi1031, 

Thank you ....i really thinks i am weak and will return. He is not showing any worry of this ending. He thinks i need some cool off time . 
Sadly, i know i need to move on or have nothing of a future . He is a complete avoidant. I Always give my love to someone who has never known love. And you are right....this is a big loss to me. So much invested, so much drama...always left waiting or the bad guy. I just want to forget . Thanks again


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## What to do ? (May 30, 2016)

Bibi1031....
Thanks, i just wish i could forget the whole thing. I know i cant change him. I was expecting him to give more of himself and show more affection. TALK perhaps? I know he is mad that i dont bring in enough money. Stress is all on him he said ! Create bills with buying your daughter a car after mine gets returned, and lose your paycheck at the casino , because i dont bring in enough !!! I was like well welcome to life ....most real men take care of their wives ...im not saying i dont help but i have been really sick with physical pain. Also will not take care of 3 yr old court fines from a DUI , at least call on child support that they have attached my name to, or get your taxes in order. Ughhhh i have been under nothing but stress for 5 yrs. HIT ME and then lie to me more than once and wonder why im mad ?!!!
Tells me i look for things to be mad about .


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## What to do ? (May 30, 2016)

Blondilocks 
I have replied 2x . Im new on this app. Ughhhh. 
He gambled a little, replaced gambling for alcohol after a DUI but had control until after wedding. And i being the full of hope ,you can do this...we got this kinda girl ...dumb to sum it up , thought we would grow together. Well i didn't see how much catch up he would have to do . He did not take my card which i guess was a bit mis spoken, sorry. But i was sure conned ! I was trying to keep peace ,we were in counceling for the abuse, (of which he told the councelor was not the worst thing we'd been through?!! ) and trust and communication skills and finacial 
Battle every week. We agreed to a tight budget to get us on track and paid bills with the card . He agreed to help pay it back if we got the boat. Also promised he would not go to casino while i was in another state visiting my sister .things went south fast after he hit me in March. I was mad the whole time i was gone. My heart flat lined after the hit. I love him but i can not mive past this. Thanks.....


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## Tortdog (May 2, 2016)

Didn't have to read past the first instance of physical abuse. 

Get out. 

Tell a friend/relative who has your back so you have support.


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## What to do ? (May 30, 2016)

Thank you not sure why the heart wont let go . I am out !!!


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