# cheater friends



## anonim (Apr 24, 2012)

TAM community, what is your take on you or your spouse having friends that cheat in relationships?.


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## *needaunderstand* (Jun 11, 2012)

i have a friend whose husband is jealous of me, and says that i become my friends world when im around, but i just dont see it. he is controlling and i tell her to do what makes her happy and he doesnt like me butting in.  but i dont care..lol he cheats on her, and doesnt like me telling her that she deserves better.


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## As You Wish (Jun 5, 2012)

I have a close family member who cheated on her EX with at least two people, and is now in a LTR with a married man. She and I are very close, and she loves me, my husband, and in general is respectful of the institution of marriage, as long as it's not her own. 

I am very opposed to her LTR, but we just don't talk about it. She never brings him up. She knows I disapprove, and she keeps it to herself. 

I love her, but were we not related, I'd probably have cut ties with her back when she cheated the first time.


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

I couldn't remain friends with a cheater; it just wouldn't work for me long-term. I try not to be judgemental, but there are certain behaviors that are so odious to me that I can't imagine overlooking them continually. Cheating is one of them (stealing is another).

If I had a friend with either of these traits, I would feel compelled to spend less and less time with her until the relationship ended just because I couldn't respect the way she conducts her life.

If my SO had a friend who cheated, I would spend as little time around him as possible. If my SO chooses to spend time with him, that's his business. I would just ask that they hang out somewhere other than our home.


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## Drover (Jun 11, 2012)

Why would you care?


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

It's a bad place to be. Just like in school if you hung out with the smart kids, you tended to get better grades - if you hung out with the stoners, you ...

You're friends and associates both reflect who you choose to be as well as influence the way you see the world. If you are friends and associate with people who are cheaters that very much does influence you and your outlook on life.

Cheaters are selfish people who have chosen to betray the person in their life that they are supposed to honest and true to for their entire life. Yet, they chose to lie and betray them and cheat.

If they'd do that to their spouse - you can bet sure money - that they would do it to every other person in their life.

Cheaters are selfish trash, why would you think you could trust them in a friendship?


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

If I felt like I had to lie to help them cover it up, that is, to censor myself, I would opt out of friendship.


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## livelaughlovenow (Apr 23, 2012)

One of my friends was sleeping with a married man, I told her how much pain she could be causing... told her how I would feel if my dh did it, and how she was just as guilty knowing he was married. She has seen our family and is close with us... she said she never really thought of it that way. Also asked her (we are close) how could she settle for half a man, knowing that he was going home to her that she deserved better... a couple weeks later, she broke it off with him. She has since found a great single man, and fallen in love! I think friends should not encourage or support it.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

3leafclover said:


> She's even started spouting off the excuses that her friend has for the affair, but then backs up and agrees with me when I say none of that is excuse enough. I know she doesn't want to lose her longtime friend over this, but it still bothers me that she is spending so much time with a liar and a cheater. She even went out to a bar with her and a few other people last weekend. It makes me wonder if her friend was there to meet up with her AP. Ugh.
> 
> This is out of character for my SO, who has very strong feelings about cheating due to her own past experiences with being cheated on.


Warning warning warning... And this is how many good people get twisted around and into affairs. They hang with cheaters, especially at bars, and suddenly find themselves getting attention and offers. At first they say no, but over time they loosen up little bit by little bit. and then a major boundary gets crossed.

Your SO should not be hanging out that much with this person without you there. You're already seeing them change, and rationalize their friends actions. 

As for the husband of the cheater - I think you'd be doing him a major favor by anonymously tipping him off if you can.


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## anony2 (Apr 28, 2012)

I have a friend that has cheated on every man that she has been with. She is my best friend. She has done this for all the years that I have known her and even before we became close friends. I do not condone her cheating on her spouse and she knows this. I do not make excuses for her cheating either. 

It seems to me as if every relationship that she has been in, she and her man have cheated on each other and there is a definitive pattern about it. I have tried to get her to understand that in her case, she might just want to redefine what she wants in a relationship and be polyamorous instead of getting married, but she continues to tell me she wants to be faithful to her husband (3rd or 4th). This husband has even gone out and got another woman pregnant while married to her. 

Have you had any friends cheat on their partner?


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## seesah (Apr 26, 2012)

I ended a friendship over infidelity once. She was cheating on her spouse who lived overseas. I couldn't hold my tongue about it, told her how I felt, and had to end the friendship. Honesty is a big thing for me and I think my friends should reflect my own values and I theirs.

My H's best friend is currently having an PA and he is leaving his wife for the OW. It really bothers me because I have become friends with his best friend's wife and I hate to see stuff like that but it's not my business. If he had a lot of friends that were having affairs, it would throw up some red flags.


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## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

Drover said:


> Why would you care?


 Because my spouse would be concerned that I was friends with someone that would encourage me to cheat when my marraige was at a weak point.


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

For me, I would have to cut the ties. Having been on the short end of infidelity, I know too well the pain. I would have a very difficult supporting the "friend" by saying nothing. I would also have a difficult time hiding my displeasure...

In my opinion, one who doesn't speak against wrong is still showing support by doing or saying nothing.

Just my 2 cents....


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## CantePe (Oct 5, 2011)

I don't condone, tolerate or care for cheaters. I would end the friendship in less than a heart beat.


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## Phenix70 (May 6, 2012)

anonim said:


> TAM community, what is your take on you or your spouse having friends that cheat in relationships?.


My friends aren't cheaters & if they did cheat, we would no longer be friends.
If they want to cheat, that's their choice, it's also my choice to not stay friends with those who make bad choices. 
I've stopped being friends with people who got DUI's, because that's also a choice I don't condone. 
None of use are perfect, yet we have free will & what you do with that free will says a lot about your moral character. 
I like to surround myself with positivity & will cut out those who are toxic, this also goes for family.
Life is just too damn short to be around such negativity.


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## anonim (Apr 24, 2012)

Some varied and interesting responding posts.

I wonder if its possible to have friends that cheat, without being involved in their relationships. 

Is there a difference between knowing about an affair and saying nothing and being an enabler/affair supporter? if so whats the difference?

do you have friends that are being cheated on and you know about it while your friends dont?

do you have friends that cheat on their spouse? (who you know)

do you or your SO help friends cheat (affirming false locations, alibis etc) and if so, how do you/your SO feel about it?


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

3leafclover said:


> And oh, I've thought about tipping the husband off. I feel really bad for him. Their marital issues are serious enough that I would understand his wife getting a divorce, but she won't until she has to because she doesn't work and is afraid to lose her house. He has his own major flaws, but he doesn't deserve to be deceived and used like that. His wife has claimed that she's worried he'll kill her if he finds out. I call BS on that..


Yeah, I call BS too. If she was actually afraid she'd leave. It's not that she's afraid, it's that she is a coward who wants to have the thrill of cheating, while living off of her husbands paycheck.

Please let him know what he's really dealing with in his marriage. He might right now be killing himself trying to fix the marriage, while she has zero intention of doing anything to improve it.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

TRy said:


> Because my spouse would be concerned that I was friends with someone that would encourage me to cheat when my marraige was at a weak point.


Been in that position, myself. I was friends with a woman who claimed her marriage was horrible. That her husband was verbally and emotionally abusive. I was sympathetic. I was having problems in my own marriage at the time. And, since I didn't see any way out of mine.... I gave her alibis to see her OM. It was stupid. I came clean to my husband and to her ex-husband. The thing is, she is a serial cheater. She, herself, admitted to me that it wasn't the first time she got involved with another man. After getting away from this woman, I saw that my marriage was not as bad as I thought. And my husband and I have been working on our relationship. But I avoid becoming friends with toxic people such as this, now. And, if already friends with someone, I advise as best I can, but keep my distance.


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## eowyn (Mar 22, 2012)

If my friend were to attempt cheating I would try my very best to stop her/him from doing that. 

However if she/he goes ahead with the cheating I would try not to be judgmental about it, however it would certainly impact my friendship with the cheater friend for the following reason.. 

I feel that _*trust*_, _*match of wavelength and values*_ forms the base of a friendship. If a friend were to cheat on his spouse with another person:

1. That is unacceptable in my books and I wouldn't consider the friend as a trustworthy person any more.

2. Since this is an absolute deal-breaker for me it would also prove that my friend (at least at that point of time) has different thinking & set of values that were not strong enough to stop him/her from cheating

With the core of our friendship gone out the door, in all reality, I don't think my friendship with this person would survive for long.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

Good question.
That's why I have very few male friends to hang out with,so I just hang out with my wife .

I don't like guys who cheat on their wives.
I hate guys who physically beat their wives / women. I once found out that a very close friend of mine had hit his girlfriend. This girl was also in our friend circle,and I had set him up with her.I was the matchmaker. When I spoke to her,I realized that it was not the first time.
I made sure she broke it off with him.
Today he has three children,all born during the same year,with three different women. He was also a serial cheater.
I had to get rid of him because he tried to swindle me in a business deal [ we were business partners], and I felt my wife would be his next target. [ My wife complained that he had called her once & was bad mouthing me]
If you protect a cheater,they WILL COME AFTER YOUR HUSBAND / WIFE.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

3leafclover said:


> I agree. I just wish my SO would do it herself! Anonymously tip him off, I mean. It's what I would have expected her to do based on past conversations, which is why I'm surprised. She thinks that telling her cheating friend that she "disapproves" is enough. Meanwhile, this couple invites both of us over for barbecues, etc. every once in awhile. If something doesn't change, I can't imagine going along and watching his wife play the role of good little wifey. If she's told my partner about it, who else in their circle of friends has she told? He could be the last to know.
> 
> I'm still planning to ask her to come peruse this thread, but she's out working in the garden all day today.


You know what. She's taking the no pain easy path of objecting a little, but doing nothing.

The guys being cheated on, he deserves to know and to know who the OM is.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

3leafclover said:


> I agree. I just wish my SO would do it herself! Anonymously tip him off, I mean. It's what I would have expected her to do based on past conversations, which is why I'm surprised. She thinks that telling her cheating friend that she "disapproves" is enough. Meanwhile, this couple invites both of us over for barbecues, etc. every once in awhile. If something doesn't change, I can't imagine going along and watching his wife play the role of good little wifey. If she's told my partner about it, who else in their circle of friends has she told? He could be the last to know.
> 
> I'm still planning to ask her to come peruse this thread, but she's out working in the garden all day today.


Just call him through a payphone and tell him his wife is cheating on him.

How can you go to his house, eat his food, smile to his face and not say a damn thing?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## somethingelse (Jun 20, 2012)

my friend was a cheater......and tried to steal my husband away while she was at it too


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

I think this is one of the ways that TAM has changed me considerably and it didn't have anything to do with why I came here.

There were a few of the CWI stories that caught my attention because they were mentioned on other threads. In particular it was Shamwow and Bandit.45. The threads sucked me in because both posters were great writers, and you could feel for them in the way they wrote. I really was affected by their stories. At this point cheaters disgust me so much because of the havoc and personal destruction they leave in their wake I'd never want anything to do with them.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

3leafclover said:


> I couldn't. The guy's always been kind to me, and I actually like him more than I like his wife...although it shouldn't matter if I didn't.
> 
> They're not my friends, really. They're my SO's. I feel uncomfortable, like it's totally not my business. I see them maybe 3-4 times per year, but she sees them often. I don't have a phone number, email address, anything. Since his wife doesn't work, she's always home, so it's not like I could drop by. I'm sure I could find his number in my partner's phone, but I'd prefer to have her "blessing" on it. She browses my posts here now and again, so she would see these eventually. I just sped it along by emailing her a link to it tonight.
> 
> I'm hoping she'll read the other posts and maybe one of them will click in a way that what I've been trying to say to her this past week hasn't. I seem to remember her liking Shaggy's posts a lot in the past...although I didn't because they were about me at the time lol.


She has the conflict of betraying and losing her friend vs doing the right thing (Her friend should have already made her H to be an abusive *******, so not much incentive for that)

I think you should question her reason for being okay with a woman who would cheat on her H. The justifications(from her friend) will appear reasonable after a little while(to your wife). I can see an argument of "I don't judge her" from your W.


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## KittyKat (May 11, 2008)

Shaggy said:


> Warning warning warning... And this is how many good people get twisted around and into affairs. They hang with cheaters, especially at bars, and suddenly find themselves getting attention and offers. At first they say no, but over time they loosen up little bit by little bit. and then a major boundary gets crossed.
> 
> Your SO should not be hanging out that much with this person without you there. You're already seeing them change, and rationalize their friends actions.
> 
> As for the husband of the cheater - I think you'd be doing him a major favor by anonymously tipping him off if you can.





warlock07 said:


> She has the conflict of betraying and losing her friend vs doing the right thing (Her friend should have already made her H to be an abusive *******, so not much incentive for that)
> 
> I think you should question her reason for being okay with a woman who would cheat on her H. The justifications(from her friend) will appear reasonable after a little while(to your wife). I can see an argument of "I don't judge her" from your W.


*First to my spouse*: You know very well I do NOT agree with my friend cheating. And I have not known her husband as long as I've known her. He is not her HS sweetheart.

*To Shaggy:* I have not changed. I do not rationalize my friend's behavior. Everyone on here who has read my previous posts (which were deleted regarding my spouse) knows the troubles me and mine have gone through. And through it all, I thought hard about everyone's opinion. And through it all, all 10 yrs, I am the one who has NEVER cheated in any way shape or form, never thought about cheating, not even when me and mine were split up.

*To Warlock:* You are right, I do try not to judge. And my friends husband is not abusive. 

*To All:* This is a couple who have been together almost 22 yrs. The first half of their marriage was mostly happy. The last 10 yrs, the H has had a drug problem. He checked out on the entire family. He refuses to go to drug counseling. He's had nothing to do with his children during this time (I had to ask them because I am NOT ok with her cheating but her children are all for it and want her to be happy. They do not respect their father because of the way he has been the last 10 yrs). Yes, he does provide for the family in the way of working. Every day after work, he heads over to his brother and mother's place so he can do his drugs with them (his brother is a drug addict also).
I know that the last 3 anniversary's they've had (and we all know the 20 yr is a big one), he's come home to change only to head over to his brother's and not spend time with his wife. Not even giving her a card. :scratchhead:

And yes, we do get invited over for cook-outs, pool parties, etc. and yes the H is always very nice when he's there. And yes, I myself even thought of tipping him off because it disgusts me when people cheat.
I do not in any way condone her behavior. And I would not emulate her in any way.
On the flip side, yes we have been friends since junior high. Yes I have told her how I feel about what she's doing. This is the second time she's cheated. The first time was only flirting, meeting up, kissing, having a drink. Her H found out about it and promised her he would quit doing drugs and spend time with her. And he did for about 3 months. Then went back to doing the drugs and never being home.
Yes, she did lose a bunch of weight and yes she does feel better about herself. And I know for a fact that she told him if he started doing drugs again and never being at home, if he stopped paying attention to her, that he could not complain if someone else was interested in her.
I don't believe his drug use is a cause for cheating. I don't think there is ANY reason a person should cheat physically or emotionally. She should man up, so to speak, and just tell him. I think he may already know or may want to keep blinders on. He's not a stupid man. But I have to wonder how bad his drug use is and how bad he really checked out when his only daughter doesn't want him walking her down the isle when she gets married later this year.

Again, I do not condone her behavior and I do like her H, but 30+ years of friendship trumps the time I've known her H. I have told her I don't want to know about her and her new man. When we hang out (we are sun bunnies around the pool), we talk about everything BUT him.

*And back to my spouse:* No she did not meet up with him at the bar. It was simply HS friends hanging out with each other.

*To everyone else including myself:*

Matthew 7:1-2
“Judge not, that you be not judged. For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you.

Matthew 6:14-15
For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.


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## Love Song (Jan 16, 2012)

I'm a pretty faithful friend (and even more faithful wife . But as far as a cheater goes and weather or not to keep them around, for me personally it depends on 2 factors. Are they a male or female friend and are they a serial cheater or not?


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## memyselfandi (Jan 10, 2012)

Here's my thoughts on cheating. 

Why would anyone want to cheat if they really cared about someone?? I guess they'd never been cheated on??

There's nothing worse than caring about someone..trusting them.. only to be cheated on only to realize that all the rest of the loves in your life have to work soo damned much harder to regain your trust.

Cheaters should be banned from all relationships forever and sent to some desert island to live with the rest of the cheaters in this world. Maybe they'll fall in love with another cheater and get burned like they burned someone else.

In the long run they do..that's what makes this a perfect world as what goes around comes around!!

HA!!!


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## memyselfandi (Jan 10, 2012)

In addition..I have no use for cheaters..friend or foe. I have no problem letting the other person know that their husband/boyfriend is cheating irregardless what the consequences are.

I was there while most of my friends kept my hubby's infidelities a secret as they didn't want to get involved.

Niiice!!

Needless to say..when I filed for divore and moved on with my life..they were no longer a part of it.


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## memyselfandi (Jan 10, 2012)

I could no longer stay friends with someone that cheated on her husband.

To me..both her and her husband would have been friends of mine and to lie for her..and to lie to her husband...

Sorry..I just couldnt' do it. Meaning lie for her and lie to her husband..No WAY~~~!!!


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## Bellavista (May 29, 2012)

As someone who had her husband cheat & found out later that his family knew & did not say anything, I could not in all conscience remain friends with someone who was cheating on their spouse. No matter what justifications they came up with.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

KittyKat said:


> *First to my spouse*: You know very well I do NOT agree with my friend cheating. And I have not known her husband as long as I've known her. He is not her HS sweetheart.
> 
> *To Shaggy:* I have not changed. I do not rationalize my friend's behavior. Everyone on here who has read my previous posts (which were deleted regarding my spouse) knows the troubles me and mine have gone through. And through it all, I thought hard about everyone's opinion. And through it all, all 10 yrs, I am the one who has NEVER cheated in any way shape or form, never thought about cheating, not even when me and mine were split up.
> 
> ...



Again, I totally understand your position and I am not sure what I would do in your position but aren't you judging her husband through the same eyes you ask us not to judge the husband?


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Not surprising. TBH, I never thought there was much of a chance that your wife would expose her friend. The sh!t-storm will be massive and may not be worth it. I think it is better for your relationship that you disengage from this situation.

Are you comfortable with the situation though?


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## KittyKat (May 11, 2008)

warlock07 said:


> Again, I totally understand your position and I am not sure what I would do in your position but aren't you judging her husband through the same eyes you ask us not to judge the husband?


No, not judging him at all. I personally like the guy. He always comes over to move heavy items for me. But on another note, he has in the past asked me for pain pills and muscle relaxers. I gave them to him BEFORE I knew he had a problem. When I was told, he later asked me again and I didn't know what to say. So I told him I didn't have any. His wife later told him I no longer take them.

Again, I've been around them both long enough to SEE him always leaving to go to his brothers (as recently as the other day). I've seen how this has hurt her BEFORE she started her PA. My thoughts on the matter are my thoughts and have been shared with her. I now let sleeping dogs lie (sp). That is as long as she doesn't mention the "other" guy.

If this was a 'new' friend, I would end the friendship without even blinking. But since this is a 30+ yr friendship, as they say, friends are forever.

And on a more personal note, our other school friends (there are two and we ran as a pack in school and are all still friends today), think she is a ho bag. lol


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## anonim (Apr 24, 2012)

3leafclover said:


> Not completely, but there are three things that made me feel more comfortable. My partner's sympathy for the husband was evident in our conversation and she is clearly uncomfortable with the situation. That makes me feel better than if she were totally comfortable with it and 100% bought into her friend's justifications for the affair. My partner said she has set a boundary with her friend that she doesn't want to hear about the details of the affair or the AP (my guess is this one is already being a crossed a lot). She also agreed to not spend time with her friend and the AP together. She had already been invited to hang out in a group that included the AP...who, by the way, is also married but now supposedly separating.
> 
> Just typing that made my blood pressure spike. Disengaging disengaging disengaging.



If you're SO is stopping you from telling the hubby he's being cheated on, when you would otherwise tell him, then isnt you're SO making you complicit in the affair?


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## anonim (Apr 24, 2012)

KittyKat said:


> No, not judging him at all. I personally like the guy. He always comes over to move heavy items for me. But on another note, he has in the past asked me for pain pills and muscle relaxers. I gave them to him BEFORE I knew he had a problem. When I was told, he later asked me again and I didn't know what to say. So I told him I didn't have any. His wife later told him I no longer take them.
> 
> Again, I've been around them both long enough to SEE him always leaving to go to his brothers (as recently as the other day). I've seen how this has hurt her BEFORE she started her PA. My thoughts on the matter are my thoughts and have been shared with her. I now let sleeping dogs lie (sp). That is as long as she doesn't mention the "other" guy.
> 
> ...


Would u ditch her if you found she was making overtures to your husband or would 30+ years of friendship still be worth anything?


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

> And on a more personal note, our other school friends (there are two and we ran as a pack in school and are all still friends today), think she is a ho bag. lol


Infidelity isn't funny at all. Ever visit the CWI section?

Girl's frantic 999 call as father kills cheating wife | Mail Online


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## anony2 (Apr 28, 2012)

warlock07 said:


> Infidelity isn't funny at all. Ever visit the CWI section?
> 
> Girl's frantic 999 call as father kills cheating wife | Mail Online


Oh wow, that was a slippery slope...I don't think the other poster said that infidelity was funny at all and that has nothing to do with the article you posted.


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

I wouldnt want my wife to be friends with a cheater.

This is going to sound sexist, but that ish is contagious with women and their "friends".


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

KittyKat said:


> *First to my spouse*: You know very well I do NOT agree with my friend cheating. And I have not known her husband as long as I've known her. He is not her HS sweetheart.
> 
> *To Shaggy:* I have not changed. I do not rationalize my friend's behavior. Everyone on here who has read my previous posts (which were deleted regarding my spouse) knows the troubles me and mine have gone through. And through it all, I thought hard about everyone's opinion. And through it all, all 10 yrs, I am the one who has NEVER cheated in any way shape or form, never thought about cheating, not even when me and mine were split up.
> 
> ...


Did I miss the other option? Divorce him? So everyone is in of this affair, even her own children? 
I'm sorry but I'm not into reading bible quotes supporting a cheating thread, how about the 10 commandments - thou shall not commit adultery? 
Her husband is a scumbag - no doubt. but leave then. What about AP's wife? She deserve it too?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## OneLoveXo (Jun 5, 2012)

Almost all my friends have cheated on their partners, a lot of them multiple times. If anything seeing them do that makes me sick to my stomach, they way they hurt people is just terrible. However it's their decisions and I am not going to judge them, no one is perfect, but it constantly reminds me why I would never want to cheat. 

My bf is friends with many of my friends, and sometimes it upsets him when he starts thinking about how they are all cheaters, and I am not, it taking him some time to realize that I would never let it get that far, the moment we go without sex for couple days, I come to him and ask what is the issue, and whatever it is he and I fix together. One of my "cheater" friends was my best guy best friend, my bf would always get jealous so I made sure we always hung out together, never along, b/c I would never want him to feel unsure; and if he asked me to end the friendships (for some reasonable reason) than I would without hesiatation, cause he comes first, but I think he knows by now I am different than all those girls, I wouldn't jeopordize our love in any way.

I don't like leaving him with these type of friends alone and he doesn't like me being with them alone either, so we go together everywhere, we're inseperable and we both love that. Some of my friends who cheat, tried making moves on my bf in front of me even, my bf and I avoid those people, but I have made it very clear that any b**** that tries to **** with my relationship will see no mercy. I treat all my friends with kindness and love, and I said I will be nice to you as long as you don't do anything to f*** me over, but if you do it's war, and believe I know how to be EVIL when I want to, I am karma's right hand


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## OneLoveXo (Jun 5, 2012)

sinnister said:


> I wouldnt want my wife to be friends with a cheater.
> 
> This is going to sound sexist, but that ish is contagious with women and their "friends".


My bf thinks the same, and I agree for the most part, MOST women tend to be like that. But there are few women like myself who would not ever cheat even if their friends were encouraging it, I wouldn't even put myself into a position like that. I would break off my relationship long before I would even consider cheating, I wouldn't even emotionally chea. I would do all I can to save my relationship, and if nothing works than I would leave my partner/file for a divorce. Once the marriage is completely legally over is when I would considering seeing anyone again (unless we agreed to see people while going through a divorce).

It's like some men don't like strip clubs or porn, there are some women who would never cheat no matter the circumstance.


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## This is me (May 4, 2011)

sinnister said:


> I wouldnt want my wife to be friends with a cheater.
> 
> This is going to sound sexist, but that ish is contagious with women and their "friends".


I know the support given to my wife when she was going through her MLC drove her from me by some friends/sister who were falling out of their own relationships. Contagious. 

My sister confided in me she had the same thing happen early in her marriage with a friend going through divorce, she stopped destroying her marriage after she found herself following this friend who was going through her own divorce. Now happily married 35 years.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

OneLoveXo said:


> My bf thinks the same, and I agree for the most part, MOST women tend to be like that. But there are few women like myself who would not ever cheat even if their friends were encouraging it, I wouldn't even put myself into a position like that. I would break off my relationship long before I would even consider cheating, I wouldn't even emotionally chea. I would do all I can to save my relationship, and if nothing works than I would leave my partner/file for a divorce. Once the marriage is completely legally over is when I would considering seeing anyone again (unless we agreed to see people while going through a divorce).
> 
> It's like some men don't like strip clubs or porn, there are some women who would never cheat no matter the circumstance.


regardless of your own morals, surrounding yourself with people of those values sounds like a toxic environment to me. You may be disgusted, and certainly haven't considered cheating, but I suspect at some level that can actually cause some harm to our own psyche if we are constantly exposed to that. That may not mean you will turn into a cheater, but it may mean that your views of intimacy and romance in your own marriage are being eroded away - do not make what you have special by surrounding yourself with those who can't empathize, that is just deceiving yourself...


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## anonim (Apr 24, 2012)

anony2 said:


> I have a friend that has cheated on every man that she has been with. She is my best friend. She has done this for all the years that I have known her and even before we became close friends. I do not condone her cheating on her spouse and she knows this. I do not make excuses for her cheating either.
> 
> It seems to me as if every relationship that she has been in, she and her man have cheated on each other and there is a definitive pattern about it. I have tried to get her to understand that in her case, she might just want to redefine what she wants in a relationship and be polyamorous instead of getting married, but she continues to tell me she wants to be faithful to her husband (3rd or 4th). This husband has even gone out and got another woman pregnant while married to her.
> 
> Have you had any friends cheat on their partner?


Yes. I have had a friend who was messing around with his step brothers gf. when i found out i made him tell his brother.


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## anonim (Apr 24, 2012)

TRy said:


> Because my spouse would be concerned that I was friends with someone that would encourage me to cheat when my marraige was at a weak point.


that would be my concern also.


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## anonim (Apr 24, 2012)

RClawson said:


> I have always wondered about this. It has always bothered me that my wife's very best friend has had EA's and one PA (everything but intercourse) for the past 25 years. Her husband is a great provider but a bit cromagnan. I think it is safe to say he has never met her emotional needs but I honestly do not think she has ever sat him down and had the *"Come to Jesus" discussion*.
> 
> At times my wife has been caught up in these relationships. She recently told me that one of the guys was calling her because "he wanted to understand" her better. I let her know that was not cool. I remember back to that time and she was pretty much defending her activity. The more I think about this the more I think it is disgusting. How would you all handle this if it was your spouse.


whats the "Come to Jesus discussion?" never heard of this before


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## anonim (Apr 24, 2012)

KittyKat said:


> Matthew 7:1-2
> “Judge not, that you be not judged. For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you.
> 
> Matthew 6:14-15
> For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.


You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor.

You shall not commit adultery.


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