# "You are a good person"



## ScrambledEggs (Jan 14, 2014)

Ladies,

Question for you that popped in my head from this thread:

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/going-...-input-opinion-text-ex-wife.html#post12717114


Would you tell a guy you where truly passionate about "you are a good person", I mean just out of the blue as a compliment and not in response to some situation where that might make sense?

Or how about, "your the best person I know"--a variant that I get from my wife but it never quite seemed to come together as something you would say to someone you really had feelings for. Sounds lukewarm at best.

So what say you? Is this familiar marital affection or "friend zone" BS?


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

Completely depends on context.

Off the top of my head, it could mean:

"You are a good person. I wish I'd realized that when I had you."

Or:

"You're a good person. I wish I had *those* kinds of feelings for you, but I just don't, but I think very highly of you."


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Agree with STR, totally depends on the context.

I tell Mr H often that he is a good man. He knows my value system and I adore good men.

I also think of my ex as a good man but I have no emotional feelings for him.

So yeah depends of the situation as a whole.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

ScrambledEggs said:


> Would you tell a guy you where truly passionate about "you are a good person", I mean just out of the blue as a compliment and not in response to some situation where that might make sense?


My wife says that to me sometimes, and we're as passionate as they come.


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## ScrambledEggs (Jan 14, 2014)

CynthiaDe said:


> Ten minutes after you posted the above, you posted this in another thread:
> 
> 
> You are finished with her, so why do you care what she means by saying you are a good man? You are over thinking this. She means what she said, that you are a good man. Anything else would be trying to read the mind of a stranger who we haven't even observed. From reading your other thread, she sounds like a train wreck to be avoided at all costs. Block her number from your phone and stop trying to figure her out. Your life will be better for it.


I think you mixed me up with someone else or did not copy over the right post. In any case this was not really about me but about the question I asked. 

When you are 20 years in, it is hard to look at anything about relationships apart from the context of that relationship so I understand how it can appear that way. I am looking forward to the future and my thought was, " How do I take it if a women ever says that to me again". As some of the posters suggested, its all about context. 

This is not something I need to be neurotic about..I have plenty of stuff for that in my other luggage.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

ScrambledEggs said:


> I am looking forward to the future and my thought was, " How do I take it if a women ever says that to me again". As some of the posters suggested, its all about context.


Wait, so you're saying no one has actually said this YET? You're wondering how to "take it" IF someone should hypothetically say it to you in the future???

SE, I have read most of your threads and I do think you tend to way over analyze things. You certainly don't need to worry about these things so much, especially while in the throes of a divorce.

Just my 2 cents though...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

ScrambledEggs said:


> I think you mixed me up with someone else or did not copy over the right post. In any case this was not really about me but about the question I asked.
> 
> When you are 20 years in, it is hard to look at anything about relationships apart from the context of that relationship so I understand how it can appear that way. I am looking forward to the future and my thought was, " How do I take it if a women ever says that to me again". As some of the posters suggested, its all about context.
> 
> This is not something I need to be neurotic about..I have plenty of stuff for that in my other luggage.


oh dear, I am so sorry. I will delete my post and stop drinking so much. Wait, I haven't been drinking... there must be something else wrong with me. Again so sorry. I am really embarrassed now.


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

I have a very strong sense of integrity/morals/ethics. It's really important to me that I have that in a partner. It's a requirement for me, really.

I couldn't be passionate about someone who wasn't a "good" man. And a man with a lot of integrity... that's a big turn-on for me.

So, yes... I absolutely could and would say that to a man I was passionate about.


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## PreRaphaelite (Dec 15, 2012)

FrenchFry said:


> Look out for the "but,” implied or overt.
> 
> I tell my husband he a a good soul/man/person all the time, no strings attached.
> 
> ...


:iagree:

It's all in the but...

It's not that hard to tell. And when it happens it's pretty annoying. I'd much prefer the woman to simply tell me, sorry ain't attracted to you without any of this of this "good person" sh&t.


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## ScrambledEggs (Jan 14, 2014)

happy as a clam said:


> Wait, so you're saying no one has actually said this YET? You're wondering how to "take it" IF someone should hypothetically say it to you in the future???
> 
> SE, I have read most of your threads and I do think you tend to way over analyze things. You certainly don't need to worry about these things so much, especially while in the throes of a divorce.
> 
> ...


I do overanalyze, big time. It is a gift and a curse that I am working on that right now. but this item is not all that heavy, just keeping a dialogue over things that pass through my mind.

BTW, my wife has said this to me, but I was trying to make it clear this is not me hair pulling over my soon to be former marriage.


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

This might be splitting hairs but I think there's a difference between "good person" and "good man/woman". I would call my husband a good man but never a good person. "Good person" seems impersonal and detached.


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