# Another Emotional Affair thread



## Gear (Feb 22, 2012)

Hello all. While googling "Wife fell in love with another man" I found this wonderful site and I was hoping for some advice. 

I am a 29 year old male, my wife is 25. We have been married for 8 years and have no children. Neither of us want them. 

We are both gamers, both online and console and we browse gaming forums and form groups to game with. We have been with one group for a little over 2 years and she has recently admitted to me that she has feelings for someone in our group. It turns out that he lives near us and after his first visit she admitted that she had feelings for him. I kept asking her what was missing in our relationship and she said that nothing was missing. She also admitted to me that he doesn't reciprocate her feelings towards him, which angers her. 

I am at a loss. I looked at her facebook page which usually isn't very active and I saw that in January she posted:

"Trusting someone is one of the hardest things you can do, moreso when your heart is attached as well. Here's hoping he doesn't break both."

I dont think she was talking about me(her husband) when she wrote this. I dont know what I should be doing. I feel like I'm not enough when I look at her and she talks about him. She still talks to him on a daily basis on forums and over voice-chat. 

I love her more than the world and I dont know what to do.


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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

Nothing is missing from your marriage except for respect for you on her part.On your end a firmly committed wife is missing.

The fact that he doesn't reciprocate her feelings shows she has made him aware of hers.She pursues another man,so where do you fit in the picture? Ask her to reverse the roles? If she doesn't see what she's doing is wrong,she shouldn't be in a marriage.

If this isn't what you expect from marriage,you better let her know loud and clear.At the very least you need to set better boundaries
and consequences for her,because what she's doing right now is relegating you to second spot when you and your marriage should be her primary priority and not whether another man likes her or not.This isn't high school.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

So you married her when she was 17 and you were 21?

You got married too young.

Nonetheless: she has feelings for another man. Ask her what she wants. Also, ask yourself what do YOU want? 

This is no good.


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## Alphan (Mar 23, 2011)

This is serious! Both of you are married but your wife acts as if she is not. She neither respects you nor her marriage. Tell her to decide what she really wants if she feels that you are not enough for her. I must say that she is not committed.And maybe this is one of the reasons as to why she doesn't want a baby yet. Think about it and decide want you want yourself.It's a matter of choice and decision because currently what you are having cannot work out.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

Gear said:


> It turns out that he lives near us and after his first visit she admitted that she had feelings for him.


So he lives in the local area? That's bad news. How did these visits go? Were you present?



Gear said:


> She also admitted to me that he doesn't reciprocate her feelings towards him, which angers her.


Very often, the WS will say something like that, or "He's just a friend", etc. Given what she posted on facebook, she's lying. He is interested in her.



Gear said:


> "Trusting someone is one of the hardest things you can do, moreso when your heart is attached as well. Here's hoping he doesn't break both."


This is obviously NOT for you, and pretty much seems like it's your smoking gun that some kind of of affair is going on. What you are wondering is if its an EA or PA at this point. Thing is, if OM is local, then it most likely has gone PA. If you confront now, she might be able to spin it as she's trusting you with her heart, but that's pretty weak. 

If you want more proof before you confront her, then I suggest you install a keylogger on the computer and a VAR in the car/bedroom.

OR

You can confront right now by demanding she choose your or the OM and that she go NC with him by handwriting or emailing in front of you that he should go NC with him forever. They cannot ever be friends, so dont let her suggest that. Even then, you still have to be vigilant and ensure NC by doing the above. Then she needs to be transparent, willingly handing over all passwords. The most common tools used to cheat are the secret email account and the cell phone, sometimes a secret cell phone.

And you need to have a serious discussion about boundaries. You all must withdraw from that group and you and her should NEVER meet up with any online people.

In either case, you have to be strong and confidant. No begging, pleading, or crying. Your marriage is at stake and you need to fight for it.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> So you married her when she was 17 and you were 21?
> 
> You got married too young.
> 
> ...


IKR? I did the math and I was like WTF? And no children? So they didn't marry due to a pregnancy.


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## allthegoodnamesaregone (Nov 18, 2011)

This online gaming is right up there with Facebook as far as A's are concerned. People often use gaming as an escape from daily life, and become immersed in this make believe world. So the logical progression of that is an affair with the "Champion" they meet online. My own MLC wife became immersed to the point she was on virtually every evening for three hours, she left me and two kids for gamer. From what I understand these relationships are so much based on a double fantasy (EA + Game) that they seldom last, but the damage is done.

It's bad enough to deal with a wayward or MLC spouse, but when they become addicted to the games as well there is almost nothing you can do but cut your losses,180 and move on. They are truly gone...


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

Was it that online virtual world called "Second Life"? Or that Sony Playstation 3 online world called Playstation Home?


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## allthegoodnamesaregone (Nov 18, 2011)

My W's was World of Warcraft. This game is so addictive to some they have lost their jobs and families with no OM/OW in the picture. Their "Guild" becomes their new family, they eventually totally withdraw from their own families life to play.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

lordmayhem said:


> IKR? I did the math and I was like WTF?


:rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl: Love this post. Made me laugh.


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## AngryandUsed (Jun 23, 2011)

1. Do sit with her and talk.
2. Continue monitoring with keylogger etc. and gather evidence to confront.
Which one would you choose?


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

As Jellybeans said---you got married to young---specially your wife---she missed the normal dating, sow your wild oats period, and now very possibly, she is trying to find out what life is all about.

You need to go at her, from that angle, and try to help her thru, this period, where she wants to see what life with others is all about. 

Obviously, if there is to be a mge., she CANNOT find out what life with others is all about---so probably, get her to an IC, and let her talk it all thru.

How you handle the situation beyond that, and what you do for you---is strictly what you want for a future, and what you are willing to put up with.


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