# need help understanding my wife..



## dontwanttoloseher (Aug 21, 2010)

ok I just turned 45, she is 42.

IMO, she seems to be more and more selfish lately.
It all started when she got a job in an all male office (all younger) last Sept.

She purchased a new wardrobe for work even though we are hurting for money, goes to tan bed/nails once a week even though we live in FL, spends a lot of time getting ready for work new different makeup's, perfume, hair dye etc and all of a sudden wants to get back in shape.

I told her I was uncomfortable with her job and she told me we need the money and we do.
A few weeks later, I checked the local college job listings as we have a good Friend who works there, and found a job offering MORE money more hours and full benefits which we greatly need, money and benefits. I asked her to apply and she freaked saying she is happy with her 20 hours a week and I "just don't want to see her happy" and this was the stinger and came from WAY left field, brought up my first gf I broke up with in 1986 for cheating on me with my current wife's friends and how I am comparing the 2 of them, which we never even talked about her in a decade or more.

She also said many other hateful things and we discussed them all in Dec finally and she broke down cried and said she did not know why she said those things that she loves me and plans on being with me until the day she dies.


skip ahead to the last couple of months...

She got full time in Jan and recently another promotion and a raise, and since things have gone down hill.

She used to help me with my business but the last few months she refuses. She pretty much DEMANDS I get our tax paper work done but when I ask her to help me on weekends, its "her" time as she worked all week and doesn't want to waste it doing paperwork.

She took care of the bills as far as writing the checks, but won't even open the mail anymore, we BOTH did our share of laundry, dishes, dinner etc. now I do the dishes almost every morning as she leaves a disaster in th kitchen when its her turn to cook dinner, and she is just washing our children's and her own clothes telling me mine our too dirty to go in with hers as i work outdoors.

She would call me when she would go p/u the kids from school, just so I knew the kids were being picked up, but now calls her friends and asked me WHY she had to call me when I know she is getting the kids. I told her it was nice to hear her voice as I work alone all day. ok, she would try but usually forgets to call me, but not her friends.

She used to kiss me good morning, good night and hello, good bye EVERY DAY, EVERY TIME, but lately she forgets or thought she did.

Most days she is very affectionate, but so was the above mentioned GF back then, and the way she acts somtines I can't help but feel it is another act.

We had scheduled 'our' time on days the kids have no functions, walks bike rides what ever, but lately on those nights, like this past Monday, she 'forgets' and gets caught up talking at work then wants to walk at 8pm when I usually get up at 4 am to start my day.

NOW I am 99% sure she is not having an affair but what the he.. is going on and how do I fix/change it? 

I talked to her a dozen or more times about it and she usually laughs it off and tells me I am too sensitive. To be fair, about 6 years into our current 15 yrs of marriage, she told me I was TOO INSENSITIVE so I worked on it, and guess I did a bang up job

Just to clarify, I may just be a "lawn maintenance guy" but out of the money I make, I pay the mortgage, ins. taxes on the house, car payment and ins., electric, water, cable, phone and maintenance/fuel on my truck and equipment as well as occasionally fuel in hers and CC bills

She buys the food and pays the life insurace and always seems to have a new blouse and pants for work as well as shoes, make up and perfume. 

Basically I make double what she does, yet get it thrown in my face she works all week... as do I as well as weekend 4am to usually noon, Sat and 4-9 Sunday in a p/t gig to make extra money.

Do you think she is 'emotionally' breaking it off?


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## Married&Confused (Jan 19, 2011)

way too many issues going on here. 

have you guys seen a marriage counselor?

reading the laundry list of issues one thing stands out. you seem to work more at work than your relationship. i understand you need money but now your wife has found her own interest (job) and has substituted the job for your affections.


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