# Sex and Marriage



## Ladywriter (Mar 13, 2013)

Myself and my husband love each other but we dont find each other sexy any more. I have heard this happens to lots of couples as one of my friends only been with her partner 2yr and it happen with them already, myself and husband been together quite a few years now. And I read it on line as well.

I thought to have the contraceptive jab as cant use a lot of other things and dont like condoms to be honest and dont want to get pregnant either. 

I went to docs to get this and now its been put on hold as they want me to see the clinic first due to a few health probs I have plus I bleed between periods and this jab can cause this to, and apparently I have started to go through the "change" as well, very gradual my hormone level has dropped. So they are being cautious, as I have hypertension as well which on meds for. Plus I am very limited on what I can be put on as well. 

But I will have to wait at least 3wks before I will even hear from the clinic firstly and dont know how long be before I get an appointment either once receive letter and whether they will even agree to me having the jab or not. 

It seems like its not meant to be or something. I did consider having the snip actually as well as another option that way I will never have to worry ever again about pregnancy. I read it takes a woman up to 3 months to recover and they have to stay in hospital. Not sure how true all this is, maybe some one here knows more or had this done???

Before you ask, no he wont have the snip, he hasnt the guts but I believe everyone is entitle to make decisions about their own bodies anyways.


When we are both naked in our place we just treat it same as if we had clothes on. You know when you see some one you fancy naked you get turned on etc, that dont happen now. I guess its due to years of being together and it happens.

He said when we do something he can get turned on but its like hard work now. Plus he works nights and sleeps days and always tired as well and hates his job and we have financial probs, but I guess most have this. We have not done it in ages really. 

Anyone else having these probls? Any ideas or sugs?

Thanks


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

> apparently I have started to go through the "change" as well, very gradual my hormone level has dropped.


I can't speak to your other issues, but if you're going through the change, getting a tubal might not be as high on the priority list. Having said that, they do have a non-surgical option these days so that could be something to look into.

In the meantime, you can try a diaphragm. It is not a hormonal birth control, so that won't impact your other health conditions like your hypertension. It's less convenient since you have to insert it before sex, but it's low impact all the way around and no need to worry about the bone density issue that the Depo shot creates.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

No way should you just accept this as normal. You need to work on things in your marriage to get that spark back - it doesn't just happen. Your husband sounds either lazy or low testosterone - has he seen a dr.?


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## Ladywriter (Mar 13, 2013)

Hope1964 said:


> No way should you just accept this as normal. You need to work on things in your marriage to get that spark back - it doesn't just happen. Your husband sounds either lazy or low testosterone - has he seen a dr.?


 He has not for that no, thing is, a few years ago I was lower sexed due to depression and he was higher, now its reversed. I have become more sexy this last year even changed my hair colour and lost weight, I have mentioned it to him about the situation as I am very honest. but he agreed with me but see he is a plodder on as it were, go with the flow. He has never been the one to be the upfront person to say, well this is the situation, its normally me that would bring up any situation.


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## notmarriedyet (Nov 10, 2012)

There are lots of options. The shot, or jab, lasts 3 months and you're stuck with it whether you like it or not. 

You could try an intra-uterine device, there are several different kinds. Some have hormones, others not. However, the IUDs with hormones normally don't affect your mood, as the medication is delivered straight to the targeted organ, where it is placed in your uterus. 

As for tubal ligation requiring a 3 month stay in the hospital, that's not true. I had mine done in the morning and was sent home a couple of hours later. Maybe whomever you spoke to about it had complications from theirs....

A hysterectomy (removal of the uterus) usually requires a couple days stay, but not several months. Again, that's without complications. 

But as someone else mentioned, I agree you should probably stick with a more practical form of birth control that doesn't require surgery since you're about to go thru the change anyhow.


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

"About to go thru the change"? It can take YEARS.


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## ClimbingTheWalls (Feb 16, 2013)

Hubby and I are coming out the other side of a bad patch. Been together 22 years.

Well done on losing the weight and changing the hair etc. That's what I have done recently; to be honest I had let myself go. He has let himself go, too.

If you find yourself sexy and have that spark of confidence it should help. Also, are you doing fun stuff together? I've recently been insisting that we go out and do stuff that I find fun, like visiting the local nightclub once in a while. He always used to refuse (he hates dancing) but he has actually been enjoying the occasional night out even if he just stays at the bar and watches. Being more assertive has helped me and us a lot.

We both wander about naked and always have done. Even at the very earliest height of passion nudity is not necessarily exciting, so don't take that as a sign. However if you find yourself parading around in some skimply lingerie and wiggling your bottom at him and he doesn't respond then there are issues.

Have you kept up the intimacy? Hugging, touching, kissing?

Could you try the mini pill rather than the jab? My doc said they are essentially the same but if you opt for the pill you can stop if it doesn't agree with you, whereas with the jab you are stuck with it until it leaves your system. I'm getting on quite well with the pill, although bleeding is unpredictable.


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## Rags (Aug 2, 2010)

You don't say how long you've been married ... but my wife & I have been married for 17 years, and still have trouble keeping our hands off each other - so loss of interest is not universal, at least.

We did have some issues with different contraceptives - the pill made her desire drop somewhat, and the injection too. We don't like barrier methods (condoms or diaphram) as we find them intrusive.
We settled on an IUD, and it's been great.

As for the comment 'hasn't the guts to get the snip' - I find that highly offensive.
I, personally, don't intend to have any more children - but knowing that I do have the ability is a significant psychological part of my sexuality, and I will not get 'the snip' because, for me, it would be a massive psychological blow.
Impugning your husband's courage for not getting it is groteque.
(and this was my view before the several friends who have had it ended up with significant complications with months of pain and other problems!)


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## Ladywriter (Mar 13, 2013)

Rags said:


> You don't say how long you've been married ... but my wife & I have been married for 17 years, and still have trouble keeping our hands off each other - so loss of interest is not universal, at least.
> 
> We did have some issues with different contraceptives - the pill made her desire drop somewhat, and the injection too. We don't like barrier methods (condoms or diaphram) as we find them intrusive.
> We settled on an IUD, and it's been great.
> ...


 He actually said to me, he didn't have the guts to have the snip done, I never said it to him, he just mentioned it when I was talking about having it done for myself, he said to me, I cant have this done I dont have the guts and I said to him, thats ok, we should all be masters of our own bodies and make our choices as to what we want and dont, and I said to him, eventually I think I will have it done for myself. I was just quoting what he stated to me. We met in 1995 and got married in 2004.


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## Ladywriter (Mar 13, 2013)

Rags said:


> You don't say how long you've been married ... but my wife & I have been married for 17 years, and still have trouble keeping our hands off each other - so loss of interest is not universal, at least.
> 
> We did have some issues with different contraceptives - the pill made her desire drop somewhat, and the injection too. We don't like barrier methods (condoms or diaphram) as we find them intrusive.
> We settled on an IUD, and it's been great.
> ...


 met in 1995 and married 2004


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## Ladywriter (Mar 13, 2013)

We met in 1995 and got married in 2004. I know I could do the math but my maths brain has gone to sleep so giving the years instead. Its good if people can still be all over each other after years but for some its not the case. I dont know why that is exactly


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## Ladywriter (Mar 13, 2013)

notmarriedyet said:


> There are lots of options. The shot, or jab, lasts 3 months and you're stuck with it whether you like it or not.
> 
> You could try an intra-uterine device, there are several different kinds. Some have hormones, others not. However, the IUDs with hormones normally don't affect your mood, as the medication is delivered straight to the targeted organ, where it is placed in your uterus.
> 
> ...


 I dont like the thought of having things inserted inside me really, thats why I either wanted the snip or the jab, the mini pill you have to remember to take that same time every day. I have never had the jab and was prepared to try it and realise what ever side affects I will be stuck with for its length of time also.


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## Ladywriter (Mar 13, 2013)

SunnyT said:


> "About to go thru the change"? It can take YEARS.


well the doc said my hormone levels have dropped I think so its about to begin. I am 44 I dont think I put my age down.


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## Ladywriter (Mar 13, 2013)

ClimbingTheWalls said:


> Hubby and I are coming out the other side of a bad patch. Been together 22 years.
> 
> Well done on losing the weight and changing the hair etc. That's what I have done recently; to be honest I had let myself go. He has let himself go, too.
> 
> ...


We do fun stuff together but its not very often due to financial difficulties. he works nights and sleeps days as well and it goes into weekends so he is always tired as well and does not like his stressful job no more. mini pill you have to take same time every day. Thats only thing. even with that they wont put me on this until I have been seen by the clinic as I have bleeds between period and that plus the jab both cause same. I cant be put on anything until the clinic as seen me, but like everything its another waiting game, I have to await for a letter yet told could take 3wks before even hear. The IUD that was mentioned I didnt like the thought of it, another member said on here, but maybe could consider it. Just the thought of having something up there if you get my meaning. Plus says it can cause heavy period of which I already have probs with. I think I am very limited.

We do still hug etc but its not much. I did tell him how I like to be kissed etc and he listened and made a fuss of. but still its kind of the same as before. I mentioned it a few times, but we only like kiss really when he going off to work stuff like that. as for the skimpy stuff, I did get a oh what you call them, oh the sexy thing you wear under clothes pulls everything in. Annoyed now cant think of name of them, oh basque thats it. I put it on and showed him and ok, I think I got a size to small but it still looked ok, he said it looked ok but looked to small, but I felt it was like as if I was asking a girl friend an opinion of it really. More then a sexy thing. Like you ask your friend, do I look good in this, she says, yeah you do, you say to your husband same, and he says, yeah its ok. Maybe a bit more enthusiasm or something.

He used to get turned on with stockings and sus as most men do. I asked him if he would now, and he said I honestly dont know my sex drive has dropped. He said he can get in the mood when actually do something, but it seems that wearing sexy stuff dont do it any more. He is 48 now. 

My mate said she think he may be depressed due to his tiredness and job etc.

I told him how I dont seem to get the attention that I used to. Its like being settled into these ways now. He is still willing to have sex. I did not mention I forgot that I have back problem issues and recently hurt my neck as well so have to be careful. So that has not helped really. We used to snog but we dont really now much. 

So I kind of become detached if that makes sense.


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## Ladywriter (Mar 13, 2013)

Also I would like to add. Everyone fancies certain celebs on TV and this is natural. But recently I have really fancied this certain celeb and also had fantasies about them and this person is very very sexual. Is this because of myself and husbands situation do you think? I know that my husband used to look at porn and it never bothered me as its only film or pics etc.


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## where_are_we (May 24, 2013)

Tubal ligation (the snip for ladies) can be done as an outpatient procedure. I had mine done postpartum the day after delivery and was discharged home the following day. Easy recovery and tiny incisions. This was 13 years ago. Good luck whatever you decide.


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## romantic_guy (Nov 8, 2011)

Married 41 years this summer and I find my wife exceptionally HOT! She tells me she thinks the same about me. We have a great sex life (well, not right now because she is still struggling with complications from a hysterectomy...but that will change eventually). 

Yes it takes work, but the passion can last, or be rekindled as the case may be.

I had a vasectomy over 20 years ago and it was easy. It is even easier today.


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## KimatraAKM (May 1, 2013)

Ladywriter said:


> Anyone else having these probls? Any ideas or sugs?
> 
> Thanks


As for the depo shot.. I had this early on and it made me bleed 28 days straight... not for 7... every month for like 3 months. I never did it again.

As for your husband it's just that you've grown bored. Time to spice it up. I know it's alotta work but a marriage is worth the work. Don't like it get any worse than it is. 

Try some new things. Try dirty talk, try working out together (you appreciate someones body much more when you're working on your own), try roleplay, try sharing and doing each other fantasies.. just some ideas.

When my husband and I started getting boring I had to spice it up a bit.. I told him I wanted to try something new. I told him I wanted to have a weekend just us on vacation (sex was always better on vacation).. somehow we're doing okay sexually now.


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