# When is it ok to meet someone?



## Diamondsrbff (Jul 17, 2010)

I was wondering what are the rules or etiquette for meeting people once you are separated and heading for divorce? My stbxh left me in July...at first it was for a 6 mos. trial separation but he didn't want to talk about it or work on anything. After 3 mos I asked if we could take the last 3 mos to work on us and see someone for help and he said no...it wouldn't change anything we were done...he said he wasn't happy for the last few years, doesn't love me anymore and that our relationship had come to an end. (apparently 22 yr marriage is just a relationship to him) 

So now it's been 4 mos. I think I have finally have turned the corner on my emotions and I'm starting the anger stage...I am learning that I have more self-worth and I don't deserved to be treated like this...He has never been very loving, he is very selfish. He has also told me that his best friend at work is this girl that has always bothered me..so it would not surprise me if he was having an affair. 

I have a good friend who wants me to meet someone who she thinks is very nice and that we would get along great...is it wrong to meet him...it would be a double outing...on "his boat". I know I am not ready for any relationship to start but meeting someone nice & having new friends is that a bad idea?

Would it be wrong? 
Please advise...:scratchhead:


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## geo (Oct 29, 2010)

I would say it has to do with what "you" feel is right and within your idea of morals. Going out and meeting people shouldn't be seen as anything bad, anything more could become complicated but ultimately it is going to be your decision !


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## LVS (Apr 5, 2010)

About making friends it is a very good idea you need friends.
About this nice man, if your friend wants you to meet him I guess her intention is to start dating him
You didn't say if you filed for divorce. 
Let's think it this way if your h decided suddenly to give chance to your marriage most likely he won't but nobody knows so in that case what will be your decision if you started falling in love with the OM.

To avoid confusion you need to expect everything and know what you are going to do in all situations.


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## believer (Apr 22, 2008)

diamondsrbff - was there any agreement when you seperated about not seeing anyone? or was it not discussed? 
If it was not agreed upon but yet your husband does not seem to be interested in working on the marriage then it seems as if divorce will be the next step. 
Do you still have hope that he might change his mind? If you are ready for this, then maybe you can ask him when he will be filing the divorce papers to get the process moving along. Because even if you want to remain married & work on your marriage, if he doesn't want to put in the effort - you can't do it on your own. 

I am sure this has been difficult for you & I am sure there have been alot of emotions in the past several months. It is important to allow yourself to go through all the emotions & let them run their course so you can move through this process. 

As far as meeting this other man on the boat. I think if you went, especially with your friend there it should be fine. But I wouldn't go into it thinking it is a date -just go have fun, be yourself & try to enjoy a new social outlet. 
Even if you did "click" - I am not so sure it would be a good idea to get into another relationship until you have more closure on your marriage. If you & your husband do end up divorcing, I think it is important to take time & evaluate your past relationship. What you could have done better or would do next time & really figure out what you want from your next relationship. Get to know yourself & be choosey about whom your next relationship is with & what you want to get out of it. 

good luck & hope you are able to have closure on your marriage if that is the direction it takes before moving on.


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## Diamondsrbff (Jul 17, 2010)

There has not been any discussion about meeting people although he has been doing things w/ his "best friend" from work. He & she have ran a 5K together and he was seen helping her up off the ground, they go to happy hour weekly w/o her spouse as well, they go on business trips together..so that is why I would not be surprised if there is more to it. 
I would not be looking to have anything physical to happen as I still feel that my marriage vows are still legal until the divorce is final but meeting someone and just hanging out w/ my friend is all that I would be interested in doing. I just want to make sure that it wouldn't be wrong.
At this point if my husband wanted to come back he would have alot of hoops to jump through to show me that he is willing to work on our relationship b/c I certainly do not want him back as he is right now just to continue how things were.


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