# Her Reality is not always the truth



## lickitesplit (May 9, 2012)

How do I deal with this? 

Over 14 years, I have been exposed to repeated patterns of truth abuse. That means, my wife's perception of reality is not always what really happens. I could give numerous examples but the bottom line is she often repeats things that happened or that was said by someone that is not necessarily true. 

1- Either the sequence of events are often reversed. For example, I will often respond to something she has done or said but in her mind, I am the one that triggered the entire event.

2- She will repeat something that someone else has said or told her. But often times the alleged statement was never said at all or taken completely out of context. 

3- The Sky is Falling! Often she makes mountains out of mole hills. She will become extremely angry at anyone who doesn't put an equal amount of emotional clout into something than she does. Usually this is something that has happened that has upset her whether it be a comment someone has made, an accusation, a rumor, whatever the case may be. She will stir it until it grows, then she will overreact to it. 

I don't know how to cope with this anymore. It has damaged or destroyed relationships we've had with friends, neighbors, even her relationships with her own family have been affected by this. 

Yet to say anything to her about this is talking to deaf ears. Of course, it's not HER perception. And HER perception MUST be the truth.


----------



## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

This is a complicated question and an even complicated answer.

Your first step is to learn how to stop enabling the behavior. Then you learn to detach. You can't fix this only she can. So you stop talking to her about it. You let her own her own 'stuff'. 

I'd need a specific example to tell you what I mean by this.


----------



## trey69 (Dec 29, 2010)

Well since in your other thread about your wife being bipolar perhaps that is part of it? Have you been to see a therapist who deals with bipolar? If not you might want to see one, someone who can help you understand the bipolar brain, and help give you some things to try etc. Its also possible she has something other than bipolar. I forget, but was she actually diagnosed with bipolar? Or were you thinking maybe thats what she had?


----------



## Ansley (Apr 5, 2010)

Im not being mean when I ask this so please dont take it this way...you said earlier she is bi-polar...by any chance does she also drink? It doesnt have to be a ton of alcohol to bring this on.


----------



## lickitesplit (May 9, 2012)

A few years ago we visited with a psychiatrist who diagnosed her with bipolar symptoms. Whether that was the final conclusion, I'm not sure. She denies the diagnosis of course - but still exhibits the behavior. 

She does drink, not heavily. A couple of beers here, a couple of glasses of wine there, but not in binge fashion. That's my job. 

Another part of the problem is that whenever she is prescribed with medication, she won't stick to it. Says it makes her feel dizzy or out of it, lethargic, increases her appetite, etc. 

I mean it's always something.


----------



## CallaLily (Jan 13, 2011)

lickitesplit said:


> but not in binge fashion. That's my job.


Whats your job? You go on drinking binges?


----------



## lickitesplit (May 9, 2012)

CallaLily said:


> Whats your job? You go on drinking binges?


No that was me being semi funny. I don't go on binges. I am in sales and travel for my job - when I have one. I just lost it this month. That's another story. My performance has suffered due to my inability to deal with so many distractions. I've seen this happen to others in my career but never thought I would let it happen to me. I did. 

Now I must rebound and take control over what I can control and let the rest go by the wayside. A lesson I've learned is that I control a lot less than I thought I did. 

Anyone looking for a salesperson?


----------



## CallaLily (Jan 13, 2011)

lickitesplit said:


> No that was me being semi funny. I don't go on binges. I am in sales and travel for my job - when I have one. I just lost it this month. That's another story. My performance has suffered due to my inability to deal with so many distractions. I've seen this happen to others in my career but never thought I would let it happen to me. I did.
> 
> Now I must rebound and take control over what I can control and let the rest go by the wayside. A lesson I've learned is that I control a lot less than I thought I did.
> 
> Anyone looking for a salesperson?


Have you thought about getting into another line of work? What kind of background do you have, other than in sales?


----------



## lickitesplit (May 9, 2012)

CallaLily said:


> Have you thought about getting into another line of work? What kind of background do you have, other than in sales?


I've been in technology for a long time. 

I am open to changing fields but don't know what I could do to make the money I need to make, considering I am the sole provider.


----------

