# Turning into a "walkaway wife"



## cizzle (Dec 7, 2021)

I feel like I have no voice. I am married to a stranger that has been in my life for almost 15 years. We were once the kind of couple people always smiled at and complimented. Now most days I go to sleep just to avoid seeing him or spending time with him. I can't tell you when the kissing and hugging stopped, but outside of occasional unreciprocated fellatio we don't even touch one another.

Last year I got pregnant with our third boy, it was our first unplanned pregnancy. He was mad but I thought he would forgive me and move forward. He looked me in my eyes and said he had mey back no.matter what I chose when he begged me to decide if we were going to keep him or not... Then he turned his back on me. Called me names I wont repeat, abused me physically and mentally almost everyday while I was pregnant. He had me hold on to the idea that once I gave birth it would be better and he would forgive me.
He would tell me " I will give you what you want and need from me when I feel like I am getting what I want from you." 

It would break my heart. I couldn't believe this is the man I married. I didnt cheat I forgot to take my pill and he acted like i betrayed him in the biggest way. Fast forward to now, our marriage is transactional. We tolerate each other but I feel empty and alone. Each day I catch myself imagining life divorced and alone. Without being put down or constantly criticized. I found a flirtatious text and he called me out of my name over it, told me I was childish for feeling disrespected. (he was texting a customer who told him she had a crush on him since high school and that it sucked he would run into while she has a boyfriend, his response was " lil ol me?" 

Not I have a wife) And then gossiped about me and the situation to a mutual friend of ours and made fun of me the whole conversation..... That's when I realized I have nothing left. He calls me worthless and a ***** in front of our kids, and more recently after I tried for a final time to tell him how his neglect and disrespect are ruining our relationship and hurting me and he said he cant think farther than his nose.

Has anyone gone through something like this snd come out on the other side still married?


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Please leave this awful violent abusive monster. If not for your sake then for the children. Do you want them damaged by what they see and experience? Do you want them to think this is normal?
Do you want your sons to end up as wife beaters like their dad? Do you want your daughter to end up being with a wife beater?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I agree with @Diana7. If there is any physical abuse, it's time to end the marriage.

Do you have any friends or family who can give you emotional support? 

You said that he had a conversation (via text?) with some woman, and he was putting you down to her? That pretty much sounds like he's at least in an emotional affair if not a physical affair.


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## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

cizzle said:


> Has anyone gone through something like this snd come out on the other side still married?


I don't see how that would be possible.



EleGirl said:


> If there is any physical abuse, it's time to end the marriage.


I agree. Physical violence is qualifying for a separation and divorce, in my mind. I am not one who takes divorce lightly or who advises it often. But I believe this rises to the level of a ground for it.

Your unplanned pregnancy gave your husband an excuse he uses to self-justify his malevolent and selfish behavior. His request for you to take the life of your (and HIS) unborn child, in my opinion, qualifies him as among the more despicable individuals this world has to offer.



cizzle said:


> he said he cant think farther than his nose


This is a lie. The truth is, your husband wants to be free of the responsibility of his marriage and family. But, he wants you to "do it". His hope is that if he treats you badly enough, you will get a lawyer, file for divorce, and then he can rest in the firm assurance that "it was you who ended the marriage".


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

TJW said:


> This is a lie. The truth is, your husband wants to be free of the responsibility of his marriage and family. But, he wants you to "do it". His hope is that if he treats you badly enough, you will get a lawyer, file for divorce, and then he can rest in the firm assurance that "it was you who ended the marriage".


This is a very good point and I agree with it. It's not unusual at all for a spouse who wants out of the marriage to do this. That way they can pretend that they were the good guy.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Besides everything else, how is it ONLY your fault the pregnancy was unplanned. That's some ******** right there.


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## Tested_by_stress (Apr 1, 2021)

Get away from this toxic scumbag before he drains the life completely out of you.


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## cizzle (Dec 7, 2021)

sokillme said:


> Besides everything else, how is it ONLY your fault the pregnancy was unplanned. That's some ****** right there.


My thoughts exactly....


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## Slow Hand (Oct 4, 2015)

Don’t walk away, run, while you still can!


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

cizzle said:


> I feel like I have no voice. I am married to a stranger that has been in my life for almost 15 years. We were once the kind of couple people always smiled at and complimented. Now most days I go to sleep just to avoid seeing him or spending time with him. I can't tell you when the kissing and hugging stopped, but outside of occasional unreciprocated fellatio we don't even touch one another.
> 
> Last year I got pregnant with our third boy, it was our first unplanned pregnancy. He was mad but I thought he would forgive me and move forward. He looked me in my eyes and said he had mey back no.matter what I chose when he begged me to decide if we were going to keep him or not... Then he turned his back on me. Called me names I wont repeat, abused me physically and mentally almost everyday while I was pregnant. He had me hold on to the idea that once I gave birth it would be better and he would forgive me.
> He would tell me " I will give you what you want and need from me when I feel like I am getting what I want from you."
> ...


He is just abusive and he's going to be a horrible role model for the kids because of that. He treats you horribly. Don't keep raising kids with this clown. I hate that he will even have visitation with them but it's only fair to you that he does but if he gets out of line with them you report it to CPS. You deserve to be able to have a career and everything to support yourself and that's why he should have 50/50 custody. But if he can't be nice to the kids then he'll lose that and you'll be getting custody payments from him for as long as that lasts. 

Don't stay in an abusive relationship. You want your kids to be in a happy home at least as much as possible and that means leaving him.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

If he's abusing you, your kids know. There is nothing worse than being afraid in your own home. Please get out.


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## NotSureAnyMore1 (Dec 8, 2021)

TJW said:


> This is a lie. The truth is, your husband wants to be free of the responsibility of his marriage and family. But, he wants you to "do it". His hope is that if he treats you badly enough, you will get a lawyer, file for divorce, and then he can rest in the firm assurance that "it was you who ended the marriage".


Maybe the husband curries too much responsibilities and worries about how to secure the family future needs and feel having another child is going to make things harder on him. That is way it is important to plan when to have a child. But at the same time I understand mistakes could occur too. 

But if you are not sure, then ask him to use a condom to avoid unwanted pregnancy to happen plus you can as a female take a plan-B bill. So, try to understand as well his view and position as a male that works hard to provide for the family. And I expect from him to understand after a while and calm to support you and continue providing.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

NotSureAnyMore1 said:


> Maybe the husband curries too much responsibilities and worries about how to secure the family future needs and feel having another child is going to make things harder on him. That is way it is important to plan when to have a child. But at the same time I understand mistakes could occur too.
> 
> But if you are not sure, then ask him to use a condom to avoid unwanted pregnancy to happen plus you can as a female take a plan-B bill. So, try to understand as well his view and position as a male that works hard to provide for the family. And I expect from him to understand after a while and calm to support you and continue providing.


He abused her physically and mentally almost every day when she was pregnant.


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## cizzle (Dec 7, 2021)

NotSureAnyMore1 said:


> Maybe the husband curries too much responsibilities and worries about how to secure the family future needs and feel having another child is going to make things harder on him. That is way it is important to plan when to have a child. But at the same time I understand mistakes could occur too.
> 
> But if you are not sure, then ask him to use a condom to avoid unwanted pregnancy to happen plus you can as a female take a plan-B bill. So, try to understand as well his view and position as a male that works hard to provide for the family. And I expect from him to understand after a while and calm to support you and continue providing.


When we discussed our options he was unwilling to use condoms. It was too late for plan b when we found out and he gave me 1 week to decide on keeping him or aborting. My only other option with him was to be in the situation I am in now which is him being the only one getting any sexual attention. As for support we are homeless right now because he refused to pay rent while i was pregnant.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

cizzle said:


> When we discussed our options he was unwilling to use condoms. It was too late for plan b when we found out and he gave me 1 week to decide on keeping him or aborting. My only other option with him was to be in the situation I am in now which is him being the only one getting any sexual attention. As for support we are homeless right now because he refused to pay rent while i was pregnant.


This man is a dangerous abuser. If you care about your children at all please contact a battered woman's refuge and leave with the children. Dont tell him where you are going.


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## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

cizzle said:


> he refused to pay rent while i was pregnant
> he was unwilling to use condoms


Abuser. Classic. It's "all about me" and my "control".


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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

cizzle said:


> When we discussed our options he was unwilling to use condoms. It was too late for plan b when we found out and he gave me 1 week to decide on keeping him or aborting. My only other option with him was to be in the situation I am in now which is him being the only one getting any sexual attention. As for support we are homeless right now because he refused to pay rent while i was pregnant.


If you are homeless right now, it could be an opportunity to get out of the situation with your children. Is there no homeless shelters for women and children in your area?


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Op, do you want your children to grow up in a home where they dad beats their mum up? What does the violence consist of?


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## uwe.blab (May 2, 2019)

cizzle said:


> I feel like I have no voice. I am married to a stranger that has been in my life for almost 15 years. We were once the kind of couple people always smiled at and complimented. Now most days I go to sleep just to avoid seeing him or spending time with him. I can't tell you when the kissing and hugging stopped, but outside of occasional unreciprocated fellatio we don't even touch one another.
> 
> Last year I got pregnant with our third boy, it was our first unplanned pregnancy. He was mad but I thought he would forgive me and move forward. He looked me in my eyes and said he had mey back no.matter what I chose when he begged me to decide if we were going to keep him or not... Then he turned his back on me. Called me names I wont repeat, abused me physically and mentally almost everyday while I was pregnant. He had me hold on to the idea that once I gave birth it would be better and he would forgive me.
> He would tell me " I will give you what you want and need from me when I feel like I am getting what I want from you."
> ...


Are there good things in the marriage? Are there reasons you are still married?


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

I hope you are doing all you can to get your children away from the violence in your home. It's really damaging for them.


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