# New member introduction unique situation



## dhamilto01 (Jul 19, 2018)

Hi I'm a married male 54 years of age been married for about 30 years. My wife is the only person I've ever been intimate with in life which I know is very unusual but it is true.

At one time we had a very passionate sex life however it has been sexless sexless for some time. Just here for some advice of how you handle it.. I tried everything to be a decent husband it just doesn't happen.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Welcome to TAM but sorry you are having this problem.

You might want to start by reading the books "Love Busters" and "His Needs, Her Needs". It will explain a lot about how this happens.

What does your wife say that the issues are?


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

The above books are both excellent. I'd add Married Man's Sex Life Primer and No More Mr. Nice Guy.

If you are being a lousy and unkind husband, then being nicer might fix it.

Most of the time it doesn't. And "earning" sex is a dangerous precedent.

Was there an event or catalyst that you can point to that started the sex issues, or was it just a slow decline?


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Is it possibly a physical issue with our W? Menopause, etc.


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## dhamilto01 (Jul 19, 2018)

At one time years but was addressed jaut seems to have lost interest..and when we did it last few times just motions ..it hurts but what's a guy t do I miss it..

I'm afraid right events I will find someone else ..but scary cause she is my only sex partner ever. I literally ache for it.i know they s Blunt but way it is ..I do most everything for her .try to be kind as can be


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## sunsetmist (Jul 12, 2018)

Tacking onto @EleGirl, do y'all talk---and listen with eye contact and connection? Is there intimacy in your every day life? Are their new stressors or overwhelming issues? Do you have children and are there significant changes in where you are in your life? Does your wife work outside the home? Are there changes in her daily activities, grooming, exercise habits--all this just for a start...


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

Well it's pretty obvious nicing her isn't working. Time to do something for yourself. My suggestion of the day is a Caribou hunt / salmon fishing on Adak Island.

Not that I don't agree with all of the advice you are getting. All of that is important, but sometimes if you want someone to be interested in you, you need to do something interesting.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

dhamilto01 said:


> At one time years but was addressed jaut seems to have lost interest..and when we did it last few times just motions ..it hurts but what's a guy t do I miss it..
> 
> I'm afraid right events I will find someone else ..but scary cause she is my only sex partner ever. I literally ache for it.i know they s Blunt but way it is ..I do most everything for her .try to be kind as can be


 Communication is vital. You have to tell her how very important this is to you and for the marriage. 
So are you saying that you may end the marriage or that you may cheat? Please don't do either, but make her see that you can't go on like this. Tell the that the temptations are getting overpowering, she needs to know what is going on for you. 
Whether she feels like it or not, you are her husband and she has a responsibility to make sure that you do have regular sex. Maybe some marriage counselling may help?


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## BarbedFenceRider (Mar 30, 2018)

How is the intimacy going outside the bedroom. Is it just hand holding and a peck on the cheek. Or do you guys have quality time together, when nothing outside you two matters and you are connected. Holding on to one another, flirting and words of endearment? It seems a lot of these cases are lacking even the most basic physical and emotional touch in their respective relationships....


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