# Custody request for no drinking!



## keepittogether (Jun 8, 2018)

Getting ready to have the papers drawn up soon. As I think about what I want included for my side to be presented I wonder if this has ever be done before? Can I put a clause in the divorce papers that my ex is not allowed to drink when he is outwith the kids? In other words, when he has visitation or it's his time with the kids, can I put a request that he is not allowed to drink? He was an active alcoholic who was two years sober until the day I said that our marriage was over. That day he brings home booze. He's not a falling down drunk, but it does get progressively more and more. I don't want to have to worry every time my kids are with him that he's had one too many and is driving.

Has anyone done this before? Put a stipulation in like that?


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## SentHereForAReason (Oct 25, 2017)

Hmmm, I know an automatic stipulation that was put into our Temp order (neither one of us suggested it) was that we couldn't drink alcohol around the kids during the Divorce Process and neither one of us drink that much, so thinking it may be something doable if there is actually a good reason for it.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

keepittogether said:


> Getting ready to have the papers drawn up soon. As I think about what I want included for my side to be presented I wonder if this has ever be done before? Can I put a clause in the divorce papers that my ex is not allowed to drink when he is outwith the kids? In other words, when he has visitation or it's his time with the kids, can I put a request that he is not allowed to drink? He was an active alcoholic who was two years sober until the day I said that our marriage was over. That day he brings home booze. He's not a falling down drunk, but it does get progressively more and more. I don't want to have to worry every time my kids are with him that he's had one too many and is driving.
> 
> Has anyone done this before? Put a stipulation in like that?



What age are your children.One of my employees had a similar problem with her ex boyfriend and their child but the child was ten.She went back to court and a psychologist was appointed to interview the child and the child told her that his father often drove while drunk.The court ordered that a Guardian ad Litem be appointed to look into the boyfriends behavior.
It is still ongoing but my employee seems to be happier now.


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## SpinyNorman (Jan 24, 2018)

Marital laws vary a lot by state so one poster's experience w/ such a thing could be very different for you. If he hasn't done anything harmful while drinking you may have an uphill effort.


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## UpsideDownWorld11 (Feb 14, 2018)

Sounds like one of the those morality clauses that courts don't enforce very well even if it somehow finds it way into divorce papers. I mean if he is unsafe around your children or endangering them, then the clause wouldn't even be needed, you could just take him to court and they could step in and limit his parental time. You can't really stop him from having a beer or two while he watches the kids, but if it starts bordering on endangering them, then you take him to court regardless.


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## Trident (May 23, 2018)

keepittogether said:


> Getting ready to have the papers drawn up soon. As I think about what I want included for my side to be presented I wonder if this has ever be done before? Can I put a clause in the divorce papers that my ex is not allowed to drink when he is outwith the kids?




Sure you can!

You can put a clause in the divorce papers that says he has to stand on his hands whenever you snap your fingers.

Doesn't mean that:

a) The other side will agree to it at settlement or b)a judge will order it.

But if you don't ask for it then you won't get it.

Of course if you do get it, how are you going to enforce it? You think it's going to actually stop him from drinking? Maybe at first but over time he'll loosen up and just sort of forget about that little clause in the divorce contract. Then what? You going to ask the kids if he's drinking? Unfair to put them in that position. You going to tail him with a private investigator? Expensive. So then what, you get photographs of him drinking you sue him for contempt, you bring him to court after spending $5k in legal fees and the judge says "Don't do it again!" and gives him a slap on the wrist and you're out of the courtroom shaking your head at how unfair the process is. 

You need to be realistic. The system doesn't work that well as it is. Start adding clauses that cannot easily be enforced and you're going to muddy the waters.


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## JBTX (May 4, 2017)

You can try. I’d keep it neutral if you were to go that direction. To say: If he can’t drink when the children are around him, then neither can you. There is a history your claiming. Can it be backed up? Is it a real threat? Is it actually a real threat? You trust an alleged alcoholic with your children because of a piece of paper that seemed good enough for your kids? Do you want to live under the same restrictions and could he use that against you later on? He might. 

Courts don’t take too well to insinuations directed at the other parent. It might even be seen as controlling without recent, real and documented evidence. 

You think it’s that big of a deal and you’re scared, then do something about it. Paper won’t protect your kids. Ain’t nobody trying to hear that bs, especially the court. Swerve. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Broken_in_Brooklyn (Feb 21, 2013)

keepittogether said:


> Getting ready to have the papers drawn up soon. As I think about what I want included for my side to be presented I wonder if this has ever be done before? Can I put a clause in the divorce papers that my ex is not allowed to drink when he is outwith the kids? In other words, when he has visitation or it's his time with the kids, can I put a request that he is not allowed to drink? He was an active alcoholic who was two years sober until the day I said that our marriage was over. That day he brings home booze. He's not a falling down drunk, but it does get progressively more and more. I don't want to have to worry every time my kids are with him that he's had one too many and is driving.
> 
> Has anyone done this before? Put a stipulation in like that?




You shroud stick to your original thread. Unless he has been convicted of a alcohol related incident(s) or has been in long term treatment AND you can show that the kids were directly impacted you will get zero say on what he does with the kids on his time with them. This assumes you get shared custody. If you get full custody you do get a say. 

Getting back to your original thread I suspect your soon to be ex husband is bitter about how the whole divorce unfolded, he may not be in the mood to cooperate with you in handing you over full custody.


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