# I've stalled out



## PartlyCloudy (Jun 6, 2011)

When my STBXH first moved out, I got proactive. I purged my house of anything I no longer needed & threw his stuff in garbage bags for him to take. I had wanted to go back to school for ten years, so I finally did... one of the perks of him leaving was my solo income qualified me for fin. aid . I started working more, working out, & I _know _ I became a better mom.

I was determined to find myself, or rather get to know myself...I'd been w/him since I was 17 & had gotten really lost in the marriage. I had no idea what I liked to do or who I was, but I was looking forward to finding out. I was going to taste life, do anything & everything.

Lately I've been feeling like I'm in a rut. Even now, a Fri. night, my son is @ a friend's house, & I'm sitting @ home w/absolutely nothing to do, nowhere to go. My friends are all wrapped up in their own families. I live in a rural area, so it's not so easy to just "go out" & see what I can get into. Where would I even go? Doesn't seem like that tasting life thing is working for me.

Sorry sorry...I don't know...guess I'm just bummed out tonight. Feeling very alone will do that to you sometimes


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## I want the kids! (Apr 17, 2012)

Get a motorcycle and go for a ride. I can waste an hour almost anytime that way.

You can also "talk" to us.


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## PartlyCloudy (Jun 6, 2011)

On a more positive note, I do finally have an appt. @ DSS on Mon. to discuss getting child support. I wouldn't have thought it would take this long...apparently my case slipped through the cracks. I'm just grateful I'll be able to get some help now. 

Maybe then I'll be able to afford to do something other than sit @ home since, if he's finally helping w/our son, every cent I have won't have to be stretched so far. Maybe, if I'm lucky, I won't have to keep juggling bills. Maybe, if I'm _really _ lucky, I'll be able to do fun things like finally getting my car the alignment it's needed for so long that my tires are probably shot, too, now.


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## I want the kids! (Apr 17, 2012)

Yeah money sucks. Me and my WW would break even most months so I'm not sure how either one of us will make it in the future. I'll do what I have to to keep the kids healthy and as happy as possible.

Probably end up selling my bike.


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## PartlyCloudy (Jun 6, 2011)

$ does suck, & it can help turn seemingly good people into conniving, greedy jackals. Iwtk, I really hope you can find a way to keep the bike.

My weekend ended much better than it started. I was busy & even got to go to a ******* bbq...loads of fun 

I get frustrated w/myself when I have those moments of thinking that my life's not moving forward, which only feeds the negativity, making it easier to feel negative...vicious circle.

I try to remember that there are peaks & valleys...like w/everything else in life. It seems some people do bust through the grieving & keep moving upward w/out looking back. I think, though, that we all have setbacks sometimes, & the setbacks can help propel us to keep moving forward.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

Don't assume your friends are wrapped up with their families...even if they are, go visit them and their families too. They're still your friends! Maybe they would like some company in the kitchen once in a while, go over there and help them cook dinner and hang out to do dishes, etc.


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## sadwithouthim (Dec 8, 2011)

What happened with school? Did you go back? Are you still in school? I know what its like to loose yourself. I did the same thing over the course of 22 years.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## PartlyCloudy (Jun 6, 2011)

Homemaker, maybe you're right. I shouldn't assume they don't want company.

Sad, it's scary, isn't it...when the marriage breaks up & you realize you don't really know yourself. It's like the teenager stage of life...searching for your identity & purpose...yet being years past the teenage stage.

I just finished my second semester @ school. I lo-o-ove it! I'm out on summer break. Maybe that's why I've been feeling like I'm in a rut...hmm...that actually makes a lot of sense. I was like the Energizer Bunny there for awhile.


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## sadwithouthim (Dec 8, 2011)

PartlyCloudy said:


> Homemaker, maybe you're right. I shouldn't assume they don't want company.
> 
> Sad, it's scary, isn't it...when the marriage breaks up & you realize you don't really know yourself. It's like the teenager stage of life...searching for your identity & purpose...yet being years past the teenage stage.
> 
> I just finished my second semester @ school. I lo-o-ove it! I'm out on summer break. Maybe that's why I've been feeling like I'm in a rut...hmm...that actually makes a lot of sense. I was like the Energizer Bunny there for awhile.


Hmmmm....I think you answered both yours and my question. Seems lack of focus on something gives you time to ponder over things you shouldn't. It prevents you from moving forward in your life. 

I've been contemplating going back to school myself....even had an interview with a college yesterday but I've been confused with the decision. I'm going to be 41 and college is expensive. I have a bachelors in business but want to pursue something that makes me happy. 

I can see from your post that maybe its too much time on my hands to think of unnecessary things.

I hope you are feeling better today. Try and make a list of some fun things to do for the summer to keep busy so you have less time to think.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MyselfAgain (Apr 21, 2012)

All of my friends are married and have babies and young kids. But when my stbxh left nine weeks ago, I decided that I would do everything I could to stay busy, even though I was afraid that hanging around happy couples would depress me more. I found that it actually helped a lot. My friends' husbands give great advice and tell me I deserve better. The kids are cute and funny and keep me on my toes. When I need a change, I drag my friends out...I help them find babysitters if need be. Turns out, they thank ME for helping them get a break from the kids! I hate exercising, but push myself to yoga and workout at home too...have dropped weight and feel better about myself. The bottom line is, DON'T THINK, JUST DO! After a few weeks, you will feel great to he LIVING your life instead of wallowing. I cry in the car when I need to and go on TAM on my phone, and then go on to the next thing, even if I don't feel like it. It has made a world of difference, and my stbxh who thinks I'm lazy wouldn't recognize me. Not that I even care anymore - I am happy with my new social life and want to he with someone who will appreciate the new me!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## PartlyCloudy (Jun 6, 2011)

My life's not bad...it's pretty good actually. I have a lot to be grateful for...& I am...grateful I mean.

I am okay...truly...better than I've been in years...even learning what it means to really be happy. On days I have setbacks, I still grow...even those days I think I'm in a rut 

sad, if you really want to go back to school, you'll be so happy if you do it. I had wanted to go back for the longest time & knew it would be awesome, but I had no idea ... it has given me fulfillment & a confidence in my future that I didn't know was possible.

I do tend to over analyze, especially when I all of a sudden have time on my hands...hard to turn my brain off sometimes...DON'T THINK, JUST DO...that's a good one. Those little mantras really are helpful.


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## PartlyCloudy (Jun 6, 2011)

I'm so frustrated...  ...I had been beyond relieved after finally getting the ball rolling to get child support. From my calculations, I've been getting totally shafted by STBXH. 

I talked to him earlier today. He told me his calculation...considerably less than mine...go figure 

I knew he got to subtract health insurance...that makes sense...sucks for me b/c it's that much less I get for my son...but I do understand it.

 He also gets to subtract travel expenses for when he gets our son for a visit. 

He chose this...he left us to move over 4 hours away & in w/OW...& her two kids...& then moved his mom in, too. It wasn't a mutual break-up, & it wasn't like he had no choice where to live...he left to live w/OW...he made a conscious decision to abandon us & go that far away...& then he gets to take $ from us to pay for the gas 

Until I can talk to DSS Monday, I won't know how much he can actually subtract...however much, though, it lessens what he has to give to help me w/our kid 

I'm not looking to get all I can from him, but it's almost starting to feel like when this is all said & done, I'm going to have to pay him for walking out on us. It just doesn't seem right to me.


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