# How far does my responsibility go?



## one_strange_otter (Aug 26, 2008)

We are trying to agree on a six month split. Live in the same town. She'd get July thru Dec. I'd get the other six months. When you don't have them you get extended standard visitation. Kids would be in the same school all year. She's being pretty persistent though that she wants me to agree to come over every morning during HER 6 months and take the kids to school. Reason being is she doesn't want to give up a teaching job that's an hour away. Basically she has no way to get them ready for school in the morning since she has to leave before they even get up.

Ok, yes I just live 5 minutes away. Yes I should be happy i get to take my kids to school every day and they don't have to ride the bus. But why can't she just be responsible for her own problems and find someone to get them ready and on the bus in the mornings? What that means to me is now I'm responsible year around, even when it's not my turn to have them to stay in town so she can get to work on time. I can't call in sick, take vacation, nada.....

Is she being unreasonable or am I being a jerk? I have no issues getting them where they are supposed to be. They've been with me for 2 years now primarily anyways. I've got this down to a science. She swears a judge can make me do it. I say if she tells the judge she can't get the kids to school on time then why would the judge award her split custody when where they are now they don't have that problem?

she never likes that response....


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Well, it doesn't seem like you have much to lose by letting her take it to a judge. Your position doesn't seem unreasonable, though. And it doesn't seem like something like a judge would inflict on someone. But maybe that's just my logical side kicking in...

On the other hand... Some of the her other options may not be terribly palatable to you. Maybe she won't be able to keep her job, then. Which might mean taking a new lower paying job, thus in razing your support obligations. Or she might have to find childcare for the morning, which some people might not like for their kids, plus again, some of the costs might come back to you. Or maybe the whole plan becomes unworkable, and you're left starting over. So give it some thought before saying no, just because you're "in the right". 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## one_strange_otter (Aug 26, 2008)

I hear you Pbear and I try to consider all options. Right now there's no money on either side to "take it to the judge". She signed a contract for an uncontested divorce representation but has these 2 sticking points. (revised) She wants to actually get the kids ready every morning and bring them to me around 6:30 am. The other is a subject for a whole other thread but she wants me to agree to forever keep my girlfriend away from the kids for her own personal reasons. Nothing to do with how girlfriend and kids get along. They just don't get along.

I know I have the upper hand in court. They've been with me for 2 years on this schedule, visiting her on alternating weekends, and it's worked. I just feel that if she tells a judge that she can't get the kids to school on time and her solution is to drop them off with me every day then why not just let them stay with me as we've been doing already?


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## one_strange_otter (Aug 26, 2008)

and just to play devils advocate, her and I are having the school morning discussions because she's wanting to renew her contract this summer with the job teaching out of town. she's trying to get a local teaching job but chances are slim at best.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

So how do you guys handle mornings when she's got the kids now?

And I'd tell her to get stuffed as far as the GF goes. But you've probably done that already. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

She's asking a lot here and not thinking it through. Now if you feel like doing for her this it's fine but it's not a long term solution. Certainly not something to be legally written.

How long does she want you to do this? How old are your kids by the way?


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## one_strange_otter (Aug 26, 2008)

Kids are 13, 10 and 7. So basically she'd be dropping off at least one kid for the next 11 years if her situation never changed.

I've told her to back off about the girlfriend but it's been messy. She went as far as to threaten a restraining order so the gf couldn't come around the kids ever. She wants to be friends with whomever I'm dating like she thinks we will be some blended family.

As far as right now I've had the kids primarily so she's only had weekends and has never had to drive them to school. I've always worked close to their school so it just made sense for me to take them. I really believe she wants to be a mom and do all this kind of stuff but then she keeps putting herself in situations where she can't.

I really think at this point she's just embarrased to have to tell people her kids don't live with her. But actions speak louder than words and when you show up late to get them and then harass me if I'm not exactly on the dot to pick them up then what does that say about you?


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## Malpheous (May 3, 2013)

Part I - Mornings on her time.



> Dear STBX,
> 
> I understand your desire to keep your current job and the hindrance that places on your ability to care for the children during your proposed parenting time.
> 
> ...



As far as her issue with your girlfriend... Morality Clauses like that are seldom enforced(able) and also usually tend to bite the imposer in the long run.

You have the right to free association. Assuming the girlfriend isn't a known felon, sex offender, etc, then simply tell her "No, I'll associate freely." 

If she loses work for not being able to juggle children and existing career or voluntarily under-employs herself; learn about "imputed income". The basic principal is that if I make 70k a year and suddenly quit and take a 40k a year job for no good reason, the judge can rule that I am still responsible based on the 70k/yr figures.


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## Malpheous (May 3, 2013)

one_strange_otter said:


> As far as right now I've had the kids primarily so she's only had weekends and has never had to drive them to school. I've always worked close to their school so it just made sense for me to take them. I really believe she wants to be a mom and do all this kind of stuff but then she keeps putting herself in situations where she can't.


Documetn, document document. "Status Quo"


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

one_strange_otter said:


> Kids are 13, 10 and 7. So basically she'd be dropping off at least one kid for the next 11 years if her situation never changed.
> 
> I've told her to back off about the girlfriend but it's been messy. She went as far as to threaten a restraining order so the gf couldn't come around the kids ever. She wants to be friends with whomever I'm dating like she thinks we will be some blended family.
> 
> ...


Your ex sounds really controlling and entitled to still control you even though you're not with her anymore. She'll have you cutting her grass and picking up a few items from the grocery store every morning and dating someone from her approved list if you let her .

So the good news for her is that in a few years, your oldest can possibly help out. I suppose hers and your places aren't within the school zone since I've heard no mention of a school bus. I mention that because many parents feel like putting their kids on a school bus is somehow a bad thing nowadays. I think it's a good thing. It makes them really work for and appreciate driving privileges when they get older. And you talk about a punishment that works; put your kid who's been driving to school on a school bus for a grounding period and see how quick it prevents a repeat. I had my 18 son riding the bus for a month his senior year.

The bottom line is that she's still trying to get you to fix her problems. Well that's not how co-parenting works. It seems like she'd be a more amicable. She trust you to come in her house every morning and get the kids to school safely because it suites her purpose but she doesn't trust that you're capable of choosing a GF because that doesn't suite her purpose.

I always got along co-parenting with my EX but I never let her take advantage of me. Certainly not for her sake but in the name of the kids. Yes she tried it a few times.


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## one_strange_otter (Aug 26, 2008)

Just to clarify......she wants to drop them all off with me at 6:30 in the morning at my house. So they'd be getting up between 5:30 and 6 every morning. I don't have to leave to drive them to school now until 7:30 because it's so close so they'd be having to get up much earlier than they do now.

Just verified with the school transportation and the bus would run at seven in the morning but it only picks up the youngest 2 kids. The oldest is considered to be in walking distance (about a mile). Knowing that neighborhood and the weather I'm not putting my child on the streets at 7 in the morning. the ex has to leave town by 6:45 to get to work on time. 

as far as documentation i try to keep everything to text. need to up the limit it keeps.

She wants us to go to mediation before going back to the lawyer because she says we've become unable to make progress. She has just 2 hangups. Dropping kids with me in the mornings so she doesn't have to change schools and a restriction on my current girlfriend being around the kids.

Yes, she definitely feels like she's still entitled to control my social life because that person may come in contact with the kids. "those are my kids too and i have the right to say who they can and can't be around and you have to honor that!" quote

On the lines of controlling....if I did agree to be the kid drop every morning then she knows that means I'd be very limited in my ability to stay over with any girlfriend unless i want to get up and be home by 6:30....right now the gf lives about 35 minutes away so i'd have to leave by 5:45? no, i don't think so....


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## C3156 (Jun 13, 2012)

one_strange_otter said:


> as far as documentation i try to keep everything to text. need to up the limit it keeps.


They are referring to you keeping a log of time you have the kids and everything that you do for them. It shows that you are involved in their lives and can show how much time the kids spend with you.



one_strange_otter said:


> She wants us to go to mediation before going back to the lawyer because she says we've become unable to make progress. She has just 2 hangups. Dropping kids with me in the mornings so she doesn't have to change schools


This is not your issue. As a single parent, she needs to figure out how to make this happen. You may not like her choices but this is her problem to solve.



one_strange_otter said:


> and a restriction on my current girlfriend being around the kids...Yes, she definitely feels like she's still entitled to control my social life because that person may come in contact with the kids. "those are my kids too and i have the right to say who they can and can't be around and you have to honor that!"


Um, no you don't. She can control who meets the kids on her time, just like you can control who meets the kids on your time. Again, you are both single, grown adults who can make their own decisions. Unless your girlfriend has major issues (convicted felon, does crack in front of the kids, etc), her not liking your girlfriend is not your problem.


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## NotLikeYou (Aug 30, 2011)

OSO- You have gotten some good advice and support here. I hope you take it, especially saving all your text communications with your ex.

Do not trust the family court system, especially in Texas. Other places may be worse, but if they are, they're not much worse.

Honestly, the best thing for you to do is go talk to a lawyer about the situation. You need to know where you stand legally with respect to the situation.

It sounds like you are doing the right things and being the responsible parent, but when it comes to the courts, that may not matter. As long as your ex can throw out the threat of taking things to court, you will be at a disadvantage, because you don't have a detailed idea of whether or not you will win a favorable judgment there.

So talk to a lawyer and understand your position better.

And keep your chin up. You are doing right by your children!


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