# Gym Instructor and your wife VS YOU. Why you can't win.



## Skyinthemoon (Nov 7, 2014)

Recently I found out that for 2 years my wife had an affair with her gym instructor. When I suspected that something was happening, I approached her about her gym life style and why it was taking up so much of her time. She answered that it had become a new way of life with her and she was feeling motivated and revived after each session at the gym. When I started intercepting messages on her phone from a guy called"Sunshine" I realized that something was going on between them. I confronted both of them on separate occasions about my suspicions only to be told that I was paranoid and should not let my insecurities worry me. 

Two years down the line after much shouting, frustrating conversations etc, I finally got her to admit that I was right. Her excuse, I had neglected her. 

Well, this is my explanation to that......

If you are busy at work for 10 or more hours a day, you get up early, arrive home late. You hardly remember to call your wife to see how she is getting on and you don't notice what she has done with her hair or what she has been wearing. Therefore you are not in a position to comment about what she is doing. You have been too damn busy earning the money to support her busy healthy lifestyle that you did not notice. 

Someone has been created who is only too willing to take your place.......The Gym Instructor. He sees your wife first thing in the morning wearing sexy workout clothes and has all the time in the world to pass a comment how good she is looking. While she trains, he encourages her to do better or rewards her for doing well, something that given the time, you would gladly do. All this time he gains her confidence and is rewarded with her time and attention and slowly extracts her problems from her. Slowly he will guide her from you to him and after a short while, will have her eating out of her hand. During this time, you have no defense against this bombardment. He is professional, has a great body and has all the time in the world to understand you wife and give her everything that you can't. 

Only when he hurts your wife(takes on a younger, sexier student) will she realize what has happened and slip into a depression deeper than you were in when you didn't know any better. 

Be warned about these Gym Instructors who claim to be professional instructors, not all of them are. 

During the same period, she had an affair with my best friend. A man she grew up with and I met through her. He became a house friend and when I used to excuse myself to bed as I worked the next day, they would continue in our guest room. She says that it was only oral sex to start with but once she admitted to the pregnancy that she aborted, I realized that it wasn't. The sad thing is that as he and I were good friends, I trusted my family around him. Could she not find or choose someone else other than these low lifes. It does not make it acceptable but people that I know and trusted makes it more painful.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

So what's your plan?


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## Skyinthemoon (Nov 7, 2014)

I don't know. My life is so upside down now. See my other posting.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

You need to stay in one thread so people can follow you.


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## Skyinthemoon (Nov 7, 2014)

How do I do that?


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## harrybrown (May 22, 2013)

only post in one thread.

If she is still in the A, time to work for yourself only and not for her.

Have you exposed the gym instructor to his work?


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## Skyinthemoon (Nov 7, 2014)

Before she admitted to seeing him and the affair, she bought him a Mobile phone, car and told my daughter that she would marry him. 

I tried to expose him, obviously she asked me not to make a scene. I didn't pursue it.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

Skyinthemoon said:


> Before she admitted to seeing him and the affair, she bought him a Mobile phone, car and told my daughter that she would marry him.
> 
> I tried to expose him, obviously she asked me not to make a scene. I didn't pursue it.


Then you need to start divorce proceedings against her and expose her and the OM to his employers. She is still protecting the OM, which means she cares for him. You should NOT stand for this! 

And what have you been doing to ensure the affair is still not going on? She bought him a phone and a car for goodness sakes! Time for you to play hard ball.

Do it today, do it now.


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## toonaive (Dec 13, 2012)

Skyinthemoon said:


> Before she admitted to seeing him and the affair, she bought him a Mobile phone, car and told my daughter that she would marry him.
> 
> I tried to expose him, obviously she asked me not to make a scene. I didn't pursue it.


Why didnt you expose? Thats cardinal rule number one in an affair. Bring it out in the light, and the rats will scatter. Or, do you just want your wife and marriage to go away? If that is the case, I could understand that strategy. She can keep focus on her love interest, while you quietly get an attorney and divorce her.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

Ok, I see from your other post that this is now OM#2! The first OM she got pregnant with and got an abortion. 

What I don't understand is if you run a business together, how is it that you have to work all day while she has all the time in the world to pursue her affairs?



Skyinthemoon said:


> If you are busy at work for 10 or more hours a day, you get up early, arrive home late. You hardly remember to call your wife to see how she is getting on and you don't notice what she has done with her hair or what she has been wearing. Therefore you are not in a position to comment about what she is doing. You have been too damn busy earning the money to support her busy healthy lifestyle that you did not notice.





Skyinthemoon said:


> I am at a loss what to do as I am past the anger now want to work on the future. We run our family business together.


Your story doesn't add up. Either she's a lazy partner and you run the business yourself, or you don't have a family business. Which is it?


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## Skyinthemoon (Nov 7, 2014)

The other affair was with my best friend, she aborted his child.


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## Skyinthemoon (Nov 7, 2014)

During that time, she used to gym until 11.00 am every morning then come into work. It has been a little unbalanced but I loved her and just coped with it. I was hoping that it would go away I guess. 

Now we run the business together. She is more committed this time. Since she admitted to everything.

I hope that makes more sense.


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## jerry123 (Apr 9, 2012)

Skyinthemoon said:


> The other affair was with my best friend, she aborted his child.


What you have is a serial cheater. If you stay married you need to realize the next guy that treats her nice and compliments will have his way with her and the next abortion will be scheduled. 

It seems you may be doing all the wrong things. Exposing affairs are the last thing she wants. Keeping quiet validates her to cheat again.

You acting like it never happened is worse than anything. 

You being all nice to her is not the way too go

See a lawyer and discuss everything with them. Don't hold back. You need legal advice. 

Btw, not only would I divorce after the first affair, but with your best friend is the biggest kick in the face. She has no respect for you at all. 

Get that respect back and the next thing you show her should be a divorce paper. That would knock sense in her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

:iagree:

Serial cheater is right. Next thing you know, here comes OM#3 when the next time some OM pays her a compliment. She's *needy* and needs that *external validation* from other men.

You're only looking at more misery down the road. Remember that saying? "Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me".

Any man or woman who needs constant attention from their spouse to keep from cheating, is needy and worthless and will just cheat again.


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

Betrayed and Blindsided's WW had an affair with a tennis coach. Same dynamic.

You analyzed how he could seduce her.

Out him on Cheaterville.

Do the 180 on your WW.


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## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

we've had many threads here lately about guys who are busting their arse at work and the wife steps out with some boy toy, in your case a gym instructor. many of them are dogs as you state and it's easy for him to keep in shape. In fact, what's most disgusting is that we all want our spouses to keep in shape but in an ethical manner. Please describe more but I can tell you with the lying and cheating, what she did while you busted your arse is completely inexcusable and you would be well advised to do a 180, gatehr evidence and even drop papers if need be.


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## Forest (Mar 29, 2014)

Yeah, I get so sick of the "I needed more attention and compliments" BS I could scream. The truth is that you cannot give them enough attention and compliments to satisfy their selfish ego. Your are too familiar, they notice only the new, exciting ones.

Attention and compliments vs loyalty, consideration, devotion? Shallow, self centered liars choose the former.


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## Forest (Mar 29, 2014)

wmn1 said:


> we've had many threads here lately about guys who are busting their arse at work and the wife steps out with some boy toy, in your case a gym instructor. many of them are dogs as you state and it's easy for him to keep in shape. In fact, what's most disgusting is that we all want our spouses to keep in shape but in an ethical manner. Please describe more but I can tell you with the lying and cheating, what she did while you busted your arse is completely inexcusable and you would be well advised to do a 180, gatehr evidence and even drop papers if need be.


Don't forget, he'll have to keep paying those gym memberships for her so she can continue her cushy life while he busts his arse.


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## BURNT KEP (Oct 3, 2012)

Very hard to read stories like this. Your ww cheated once and you take her back now she cheats again and you don't know what to do.......REALLY? Get some balls and file already she has shown you what she really is now its time to move on.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

Yet again, this is so bad (in that it pushes so many of our buttons, its unreal) as to set off every singe one of my arachnid senses (so-to-speak). The kind of senses that lead to discoveries under bridges.

She sleeps with her hot young gym instructor.
She buys him a car no less!
She also buys him a mobile phone!
She doesn't want you to expose him at work and you comply!
She sleeps with your best friend, gets pregnant and then aborts (all the while having sex with you too)!

Wow - just wow! And now you seriously want to tell us why we can't win against a gym instructor ????


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## toonaive (Dec 13, 2012)

Ever heard the phrase "familiarity breeds contempt"? That is your serial cheating wife. You comfort zone is doing nothing for you. She is familiar with what you wont do, so her attitude towards you is contemptuous. Step out of it, get angry. Be someone she doesnt expect. See an attorney, and if you can right now, file for divorce and have her served at the gym in front of this guy. Watch him run, and watch her head spin. Do you like being her cuckold?


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## U.E. McGill (Nov 27, 2013)

Forest said:


> Yeah, I get so sick of the "I needed more attention and compliments" BS I could scream. The truth is that you cannot give them enough attention and compliments to satisfy their selfish ego. Your are too familiar, they notice only the new, exciting ones.
> 
> Attention and compliments vs loyalty, consideration, devotion? Shallow, self centered liars choose the former.



Alpha fux beta bux. 

She's happy with you being her safe resource man. She didn't cheat on you because you didn't pay attention to her, she cheated on you because you don't make her tingle. 

Read No More Mr Nice Guy. Run the 180 on her ASAP. 

Go into his gym and scream at the top of your lungs "if XYZ cö******** comes near my wife again I'll have him in jail. Keep you dïck to yourself!" It'll give him a lot of heat at his job, because chances are they know what's going on. Nobody likes a scene. Your wife will be shocked. It'll show her you have intention. 

Go see a lawyer and draw up papers. Serve your wife and then think about reconciliation. I bet money she'll be happy to jump your bones once she thinks shes loosing her lifestyle.


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## syhoybenden (Feb 21, 2013)

I've said it before and I'll say it again ...
It's time to show her the door my friend and explain how to use it.

You're still young enough to move on.

Don't drag it out till you're not.


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## toonaive (Dec 13, 2012)

Whose name is the car registered in? Whose name is on the note? Who pays the insurance? Who pays the phone bill? How did all of this happen under your nose? 

Yea, im triggering bad. This is all so familiar. I need to step away. Im angry and its not even my wife!


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## Skyinthemoon (Nov 7, 2014)

I haven't even posted the entire story and the response has shaken me. The rest of the story does not involve me cheating but rather her. Lesbianism, other men, many other incidences that I have no proof of or rather she has not admitted to. I really do appreciate the time take by the people on the site to actually respond.

Thank you.


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## Skyinthemoon (Nov 7, 2014)

She received money from her rich family telling them she wanted to put it into the family business, it never hit our accounts. Rather was dealt out to morons. He has the car papers, uses prepaid phone contract. all very cleaver.


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## vellocet (Oct 18, 2013)

Forget the gym instructor. Get rid of your wife.

Here is an idea, and I am dead serious here. Find out where he lives, tell your wife you and her are going to go for a drive. 

Show up on his doorstep and tell him "you want to F her, then you take her in"

Leave her on his doorstep, walk back to the car and drive off.


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## Cubby (Mar 28, 2012)

Your wife is the big problem, but don't let the gym instructor walk away from this unscathed. Post him to Cheaterville. When someone googles his name, his profile will pop up. There's gotta be a price to pay for these predator POS gym-guys.


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## azteca1986 (Mar 17, 2013)

Skyinthemoon said:


> The other affair was with my best friend, she aborted his child.


You want to win this?


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Skyinthemoon said:


> Recently I found out that for 2 years my wife had an affair with her gym instructor. When I suspected that something was happening, I approached her about her gym life style and why it was taking up so much of her time. She answered that it had become a new way of life with her and she was feeling motivated and revived after each session at the gym. When I started intercepting messages on her phone from a guy called"Sunshine" I realized that something was going on between them. I confronted both of them on separate occasions about my suspicions only to be told that I was paranoid and should not let my insecurities worry me.
> 
> Two years down the line after much shouting, frustrating conversations etc, I finally got her to admit that I was right. Her excuse, I had neglected her.
> 
> ...


*Sorry you are here. NONE of your W poor choices are your fault. You deserve better.*


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Skyinthemoon said:


> Before she admitted to seeing him and the affair, she bought him a Mobile phone, car and told my daughter that she would marry him.
> 
> I tried to expose him, obviously she asked me not to make a scene. I didn't pursue it.


Honestly, serve D papers. This is very premeditated. Finish the deal for her.


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

You don't know what to do. 

Look OP, I don't want to bash you. But if you have any thought in your head other than exposing both of them and divorcing her immediately, you need counseling in the worst way.

Find out why you allow yourself to be so humiliated and disrespected. Whatever it is; codependency, childhood trauma, severe self esteem issues. You don't have to live like this.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Skyinthemoon said:


> She received money from her rich family telling them she wanted to put it into the family business, it never hit our accounts. Rather was dealt out to morons. He has the car papers, uses prepaid phone contract. all very cleaver.





Skyinthemoon said:


> I haven't even posted the entire story and the response has shaken me. The rest of the story does not involve me cheating but rather her. Lesbianism, other men, many other incidences that I have no proof of or rather she has not admitted to. I really do appreciate the time take by the people on the site to actually respond.
> 
> Thank you.


Why do you put up with this nonsense? You can't control your W actions. You can control yours. Time to act for you. This is no way to live a life.


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## Mr.Fisty (Nov 4, 2014)

First get a separation. It will get you away from her and it will help clear your head. Right now your hormones, or love for her will cloud your judgement. When that dissipates, then you would have better clarity.

Second work on you. Divert your emotional energy to other people. You only have so much you can expend, and forming new friendships, and deepening others will slowly remove the bond you have with your wife. Your path to your wife is still a road, and once you stop tending it, the fauna will eventually reclaim it and it will almost be like a forgotten memory. Don't forget to separate finances and assets as well. 

Third, work on yourself. Take time off and decompress. She sounds like she will be a serial cheater, who will swing from branch to branch. Meeting her needs is like trying to hit a moving target. Also develop communication skills, and don't work too hard. Couples need quality time each week. Time for intimacy, listening, going out, and exploring something new. Dating is important in marriage, it helps strengthen the bonds.

Since your wife is a moving target, I don't see a reason to work things out. She wants all the nice things, well that requires sacrifice, she wants lots of attention, well that would mean cutting back on nice things. I am sure there is a balance, but your wife sounds spoiled and very needy. 

Do things that make you happy, and guess what, your happy without her. Really an epiphany! Fact is, we don't need particular people to be happy, we need something that brings fulfillment, like a hobby, and just people in general. Doing things with friends and family will bring you joy. Guess what, your being happy without her.


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## Skyinthemoon (Nov 7, 2014)

During this period that she complained continuously about what I was doing, I drank myself into the wrong end of a bottle. The more she brought it up, the more I dug deep to try work out what I was doing wrong. These two affairs did not run separately, they ran almost at the same time. 

I would like to meet both of these MF's and ask them how they feel now that my 8 year old will live without her father at home through what they caused. She was close to both of them. 

The hurt is just so deep. I know what to do but need time to get my ducks in a row.


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

Skyinthemoon said:


> During this period that she complained continuously about what I was doing, *I drank myself into the wrong end of a bottle.* The more she brought it up, the more I dug deep to try work out what I was doing wrong. These two affairs did not run separately, they ran almost at the same time.
> 
> I would like to meet both of these MF's and ask them how they feel now that my 8 year old will live without her father at home through what they caused. She was close to both of them.
> 
> The hurt is just so deep. I know what to do but need time to get my ducks in a row.


Alcohol abuse can skew your thought processes. In AA they call it "stinkin thinkin". Get off the bottle, then put together your exit plan. Talking to an attorney is the first step.

You don't need to contact these POSOM's. Just expose their @ss.


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## intuitionoramiwrong (Mar 18, 2014)

Skyinthemoon said:


> During this period that she complained continuously about what I was doing, I drank myself into the wrong end of a bottle. The more she brought it up, the more I dug deep to try work out what I was doing wrong. These two affairs did not run separately, they ran almost at the same time.
> 
> I would like to meet both of these MF's and ask them how they feel now that my 8 year old will live without her father at home through what they caused. She was close to both of them.
> 
> The hurt is just so deep. I know what to do but need time to get my ducks in a row.


They don't give a sh!t about your kid man....YOU NEED TO, keep the house, get shared custody. If your wife's family has money to give her for the business, THEY can pay for her crap.


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## Q tip (Apr 15, 2014)

Hey, OP.

You are a chapter out of the book you need to be reading and rereading.

Married Man Sex Life Primer 2011, Athol Kay

Everything you've been taught about women is wrong. Read the book. You will be enlightened. Head for his website too.

damn...


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Your wife is trash. 

What do you do with trash?


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

Skyinthemoon said:


> I haven't even posted the entire story and the response has shaken me. The rest of the story does not involve me cheating but rather her. Lesbianism, other men, many other incidences that I have no proof of or rather she has not admitted to. I really do appreciate the time take by the people on the site to actually respond.
> 
> Thank you.





Skyinthemoon said:


> She received money from her rich family telling them she wanted to put it into the family business, it never hit our accounts. Rather was dealt out to morons. He has the car papers, uses prepaid phone contract. all very cleaver.


WTF are you with this person? :scratchhead:

She gives you porno star sex or something?

This guy must be OM#25 or something.


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## Mr.Fisty (Nov 4, 2014)

Skyinthemoon said:


> During this period that she complained continuously about what I was doing, I drank myself into the wrong end of a bottle. The more she brought it up, the more I dug deep to try work out what I was doing wrong. These two affairs did not run separately, they ran almost at the same time.
> 
> I would like to meet both of these MF's and ask them how they feel now that my 8 year old will live without her father at home through what they caused. She was close to both of them.
> 
> The hurt is just so deep. I know what to do but need time to get my ducks in a row.


A man with a plan wins, while a headstrong man will break head against wall. I should write fortune cookies. 

Exactly, play smart and play to win. Gather intel and evidence. The more you know, the higher success will be. Don't do things out of emotions, but neutrality. Emotions makes us impulsive.


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## SamuraiJack (May 30, 2014)

She bought him a CAR?


Thats going to be considered marital property...omg.

SITM, you need to boot her ass and serve her.
Time for you to get your life back.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

manfromlamancha said:


> Yet again, this is so bad (in that it pushes so many of our buttons, its unreal) as to set off every singe one of my arachnid senses (so-to-speak). *The kind of senses that lead to discoveries under bridges*.


:iagree:


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

Skyinthemoon said:


> Before she admitted to seeing him and the affair, she bought him a Mobile phone, car and told my daughter that she would marry him.
> 
> I tried to expose him, obviously she asked me not to make a scene. I didn't pursue it.


 Then pursue it. make a scene. Make it loud enough for everyone to here and get rid of her before she makes it worse then it already is for you.


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

She bought him a car with the money that was supposed to go to the business?

WTF.

What does her family say about that?

Asking the OM about the effect on your child is meaningless. They don't care. It shows you as weak if you confront them and there are not consequences.

Cheaterville is a remedy. Run the text by TAM first for editing advice.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

This can't be real.


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## xakulax (Feb 9, 2014)

bandit.45 said:


> This can't be real.



What bandit you don't believe a 51 year old man and his ten years younger Russian wife are having marital issues :scratchhead: I mean this marriage sound like it was built on a solid foundation (*of mutual benefit*)


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## BobSimmons (Mar 2, 2013)

bandit.45 said:


> This can't be real.


*quietly tip toes back out the thread*


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

BobSimmons said:


> *quietly tip toes back out the thread*


You and me both, Bob. We seem to be wandering into these more often, don't we.


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

Skyinthemoon said:


> I would like to meet both of these MF's and ask them how they feel now that my 8 year old will live without her father at home through what they caused. She was close to both of them.


Here's the thing Sky. I can tell you how they feel about it. They don't give a sh-t. They are into the free poon my man. Or in some cases, getting paid with gifts of sorts. 
But more importantly, and something you need to get through your head, is that these guys didn't cause it. Your old lady caused it by walking around in heat all the time. If she wasn't doing them, she's be doing other guys. Her exercise routine apparently makes her feel like a new man. Your laissez-faire attitude of allowing her to treat you like a chump and cower like whipped dog while she makes a fool of you from one end of town to the other, has perpetuated her lifestyle.
Have some respect for yourself Sky and quit laying down while her and her boyfriends pee all over you.


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## Forest (Mar 29, 2014)

You might not be interested right now, but this gym rat has wronged you big time. Yeah, I know half the posters think its just between you and your wife, but screw that. I don't touch other men's wives, no man should any man should know better. Do it at your own peril.

You need to dig up the gym owner and tell him that he will be hearing from your attorney due to the actions of his employee. There are still torts (civil wrongs) that can be pursued against the business and gym rat. Varies by state. 

"intentional infliction of emotional distress"
"loss of consortium"
"alienation of affection" some states

Good terms for these folks to get familiar with.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

About the car purchase. I have seen this before. My brothers W was embezzling from their business. She purchased the OM a Jeep. When my brother caught up to his W cooking the books he had the Jeep towed and sold in a day or so. His W 401k was used to refund the 100K she had blown on the OM.


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## Q tip (Apr 15, 2014)

... And go work out yourself. Get in shape and lose a few KGs


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

Forest, I don't have a problem with Sky targeting the gym instructor. I do however think the guys that want to "get that bastard that seduced my wonderful wife" while letting her off the hook are morons.


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## nuclearnightmare (May 15, 2013)

OP:

your wife is not marriage material.


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## IIJokerII (Apr 7, 2014)

lordmayhem said:


> WTF are you with this person? :scratchhead:
> 
> She gives you porno star sex or something?
> 
> This guy must be OM#25 or something.


The Baskin Robins or WW, 31 flavors of ugly!!!! Makes me want to wash my hands just reading about it.


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## carmen ohio (Sep 24, 2012)

Yeswecan said:


> *. . . NONE of your W poor choices are your fault. You deserve better.*


I'm not so sure, Yeswecan. Based on the OP's pusillanimous reaction to his WW's shameless adultery, it would appear that he has no self-respect. If man doesn't respect himself, can he really complain when his wife fails to respect him?

Hopefully he's learned something from all this.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

carmen ohio said:


> I'm not so sure, Yeswecan. Based on the OP's pusillanimous reaction to his WW's shameless adultery, it would appear that he has no self-respect. If man doesn't respect himself, can he really complain when his wife fails to respect him?
> 
> Hopefully he's learned something from all this.


Sorry, explain to me the logic behind no self respect is cause enough to trip the lights fantastic with the physical trainer.


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## carmen ohio (Sep 24, 2012)

Yeswecan said:


> Sorry, explain to me the logic behind no self respect is cause enough to trip the lights fantastic with the physical trainer.


It's called evolution -- millions of years of natural selection producing predictable female behavior in the face of male inadequacy.

I'm not saying that what the OP's WW did was justified, only that being a wuss has consequences.


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## Regret214 (Apr 22, 2012)

LOL...that's not evolution, that's called the WS being an a-hole.

Case in point, Dig was far removed from being a "wuss". I still had an affair. Why? Because I acted like an a-hole. Evolution has nothing to do with it. I only state that as a biochemist with a specialty in genetics.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Regret214 said:


> LOL...that's not evolution, that's called the WS being an a-hole.
> 
> Case in point, Dig was far removed from being a "wuss". I still had an affair. Why? Because I acted like an a-hole. Evolution has nothing to do with it. I only state that as a biochemist with a specialty in genetics.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Regret in your specific case he was gone a lot being a pilot.
I won't go Mach but there is some evolution-so to speak- there.

Oh how are you two doing?
End T/J


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## Regret214 (Apr 22, 2012)

We're doing very well, thank you for asking. While I understand the idea of this "evolutionary" by product, I simply can't buy what's being sold.

The biology of attraction goes so much deeper than some of this stuff. Yes, there is a chemical process to it all. Yes, those feel good brain spices can make people do crazy things. Yet, not all succumb to them, hence my comment about simply being an a-hole. It doesn't matter if the male is a gym instructor or a mousey guy serving Starbucks. If a female is going to go there she's decided well before meeting the other man. Again, I'm speaking to that from pure experience.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

Regret214 said:


> We're doing very well, thank you for asking. While I understand the idea of this "evolutionary" by product, I simply can't buy what's being sold.


I agree my girl. In one post folks are talking about how WS's "affair down" and in another talking about "evolutionary" mind binding driving people to cheat. It always seems to be something far away from he we treat each other. I understand why.


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## carmen ohio (Sep 24, 2012)

Regret214 said:


> LOL...that's not evolution, that's called the WS being an a-hole.
> 
> Case in point, Dig was far removed from being a "wuss". I still had an affair. Why? Because I acted like an a-hole. Evolution has nothing to do with it. I only state that as a biochemist with a specialty in genetics.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Regret214,

I'm not saying that in every case the BH's inadequacies played a role in his WW's cheating. In this case, however, I believe it did.

In any event, it is beyond serious dispute that human behavior, including mating behavior, has been shaped by evolution. Men are well-advised to understand this and to realize that their weaknesses and failings can adversely affect their marriages.

For what it's worth, I have a degree in biological sciences from a top American university and did graduate work in chemistry and molecular biology, completing all course work and exams for a PhD, before attending law school.

I agree that the OP's WW is an @sshole.


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## Skyinthemoon (Nov 7, 2014)

First thing Monday morning and I am encouraged to see all the support and wisdom people show here although it varies so much from Cheating to evolution, I am still somewhat encouraged. 

I, however, dobt that my inadequacies played a role here as far as bedroom, provider, comforter and supporter are concerned, I have never had complaints there. 

I certainly have had no "you are a bad Dad" complaints from her 17 years old daughter that I adopted and paid all the costs for. She carries my name with pride and I offered it with love. During her mom's 2 year "orgy" she forgot about our entire family relationship and continued with her two men. (if not more)

The pain comes with any affair. Questions like, why didn't we get counseling, or family members intervention etc were never considered and when originally brought up, shrugged off and made fun of. The pain runs deep.

I think I always knew what needed to happen just needed opinions of others that had suffered the same.


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## Mr.Fisty (Nov 4, 2014)

It could be a host of issues, mid-life crisis, sexual addiction, or this is who she really is, we really can't say. 

To figure that one out, she would need to seek help and get to the bottom of her issues. 

The advice should be aimed towards you, and to help you get through this.

If not done yet, get a legal separation, and protect your assets. If you have joint accounts, take your name off them and open a new account, and cancel all joint credit cards.

Learn how to detach. Focus on you, and change the things you can control, which is primarily you.

You don't control the actions of others, and people are responsible for there own actions.

You can't fix her, not should you. As much as you want to, you have to fight that instinct.

It will lead to more frustrations and heartbreak. 

Like an addiction, someone has to hit rock bottom, before they seek help. 

Create new friends, and deepen relations with others. That will help you detach. 

Do something that makes you happy, and challenge your world view. 

Seek neutral. Neutral will help you gain clarity. Your love, will cloud your judgement. 

improve yourself, and be more assertive. Make improving yourself a lifestyle. 

Self analyze and see what you can improve. Learn meditation techniques, as it helps with introspection


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## Mr.Fisty (Nov 4, 2014)

Also, when we feel like we are losing something precious in our life, we become clingy. 

Recognize it and realize that we don't own anyone. We own our issues, self, and that is pretty much it. 

Hope that helps you on letting go. 

Remember it is the past, and you can be fond of it, but nothing in life is guaranteed. Things are only temporary.


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

> I think I always knew what needed to happen just needed opinions of others that had suffered the same.


You need to show your wife consequences or she will never respect you or the marriage.

One of those consequences must be exposure of the two affairs you know about to her family. Include the abortion as well as the missing money.

I understand your wife is involved in the business now but are you sure her affairs are over?

And if she told her daughter she was going to marry the OM have you asked her why is she still with you?

She needs a good shrink and she needs to understand you are not her "Plan B".


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## vellocet (Oct 18, 2013)

carmen ohio said:


> I'm not saying that what the OP's WW did was justified, only that being a wuss has consequences.


It only has consequences when your spouse is a POS.

Did it ever occur to you that its his wife that is making him insecure, and for good reason?

He shouldn't feel insecure. Its his wife that has a character problem.


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

carmen ohio said:


> I'm not saying that in every case the BH's inadequacies played a role in his WW's cheating. In this case, however, I believe it did.


I can't disagree with that. Metaphorically, I think it would be analogous to a property owner encouraging theft of his property by leaving doors unlocked, mail piled up, credit card statements in the trash, etc. The thief is still at fault, and should be prosecuted, but the property owner should learn a lesson about taking reasonable precautions to discourage this crime.

In this instance, the "thief" (WW) was likely emboldened by the BS's reluctance to give consequences and her own lack of respect for him. But she still needs "prosecuting"; and he has to be the one to file the charges. He then needs to fix these self respect issues before his next relationship.


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## carmen ohio (Sep 24, 2012)

badmemory said:


> I can't disagree with that. Metaphorically, I think it would be analogous to a property owner encouraging theft of his property by leaving doors unlocked, mail piled up, credit card statements in the trash, etc. The thief is still at fault, and should be prosecuted, but the property owner should learn a lesson about taking reasonable precautions to discourage this crime.
> 
> In this instance, the "thief" (WW) was likely emboldened by the BS's reluctance to give consequences and her own lack of respect for him. But she still needs "prosecuting"; and he has to be the one to file the charges. He then needs to fix these self respect issues before his next relationship.


Just saw this, badmemory. Like the analogy. Really drives the point home.


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## Q tip (Apr 15, 2014)

Clearly, OP is way too alpha to control any possible outcomes. He needs to beta up. Dump the testosterone. Soothing, sweet understanding and nice her back. 

Yah, that's the ticket... 

For a bridge still under construction.


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