# Step son creating problems



## gregpaz (Nov 26, 2011)

My wifes son is a major problem in our marriage. He is 19 and moved in to our house about 6 months after we were married. He doesn't respect her and knows exactly how to play her to get what he wants and will always go through her to get things that must come from me. He does little to next to nothing around the house to help, comes home whenever he wants and has no boundaries whatsoever. A perfect example to what he does and the fact that he has no boundaries is what he did about 6 months ago. He was coming in around 5 am(which is the time I leave for work) He was bringing in a male friend to spend what was left of the night at our house. I did not have a problem with this as long as he didn't make it a regular occurance. It became a problem when a bottle of prescription medication I take disappeared. He mother asked him about it and he stated he had no knowledge of what happened to it.(He has been caught in numerous lies) As a resut, I sat him down and told him his friend was no longer allowed in the house. Less than a week passed and he brought him back again! My wife will not take a stand with me on this. He brought him to the house one morning (I found this out as I was leaving for work and found him outside) I told him he was not allowed at the house and told him my wifes son would be out shortly to take him home. I went to his room and could not wake him up. I opened the door and was finally able to get some kind of response from him and told him to get up and take his friend home, that he was told he was not allowed in my house. He responded by saying "Who the F*** are you talking to?" At this point I told him to get his butt out of bed and take him home now. Again with his hostile response "Then I'm not paying you any rent!" (He pays $40 a week which covers everything) I went to my bedroom and told my wife to wake him up and tell him to take his friend home, I did not want him in MY house! Yet, this was not the last time he brought him to my house. He texted his mom at 4am, while we were sleeping to tell her he brought him to the house because he had no place to go, and to wake him when she got up and he would take him home. When I found out, I told her to get him up immediately and get this kid out of my house or I would call the police and have him removed. This is a small sample of what this kid gets away with. I try to get my wife to understand she needs to put boundaries in place and stand with me so he has no choice but to follow OUR wishes and for whatever reason she feels that he will get mad. Better he gets mad and follows the rules then him doing what he wants, disrupting my house, and forming a wedge in my marriage. I don't know whatelse to do to get my wife to see the light of day and begin to put a stop to his control. His own sister tells the mom to throw him out. I would rather not take that path but it looks like pretty soon I will have no alternative. Any suggestions would be appreciated!! I'm at my wits end!!!:scratchhead:


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## RelationshipCoach (Nov 7, 2011)

Communication is paramount in this situation. 

It's important to discuss your feelings with your wife to come to a compromise with her. This house is hers as much as its yours. So it might not be feasible to make him leave completely. However, it might be possible to come to some rules that you and her can come to together. 

This way, you and her are able to collectively make a decision about what to do with the situation. 

Marcelina - Relationship Repair Coach


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

He's 19. Kick his arse out.

Tell your wife to mom-up and stop enabling her son to be a bum.


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## gregpaz (Nov 26, 2011)

I've suggested counselling so as to open her eyes to what is going on. She comes from an abusive childhood and has stated she would never be that way to her children, yet she has gone to the opposite extreme. I know for a fact that her ex feeds the son venom to cause problems in the house. I support this boy and the father doesn't do a thing for him and always has excuses. Her position on seeing a counselor is "no one is going to tell her how to raise her kids" which is the reason he does what he does because he knows he can get away with it. There are NO consequences to any of his actions which cause problems


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

He's 19. Is he in college? If not, does he have a job? Why are you supporting him? He should contribute to the household. He's an adult, treat him like one.


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## gregpaz (Nov 26, 2011)

My wife thinks 40 a week is more then enough. He works parttime delivering pizza and is taking online classses. He didn't even finish HS because no one forced him to follow rules. The father tried to be more of a friend then a parent and allowed to to do whatever he wanted. He's turning out to be just like his father if not worse, who works only when he wants to and lives off his girlfriend.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Well, he should be paying rent to you since he's an adult and life isn't free.

but since he's not your boy, I can see the trouble.

Your wife needs to wake up because I promise this will ruin your marriage. YOU are the man of that house and now this other man is in there trying to run it. See what's happening here?


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## Mindful Coach (Sep 15, 2011)

First your stepson and then I'll talk about your marriage:

At 19, your stepson's brain isn't fully developed yet. That doesn't happen for a few more years. That means he will come across as if he doesn't consider consequences very often. Not that it's an excuse to not listen to your rules, but if his friend is truly homeless, he may feel as if he's saving his friends life. Talk to the stepson about ways he can help his friend without bringing him into your home. Getting him directed to the right social services, etc... could help him with housing, etc... 

For the wife, take her out somewhere neutral and talk with her about how the marriage HAS to come first. Not only is it in your best interest, it's to set an example to the kids about what a healthy relationship is. The two of you need to make decisions together and then face the kids as a united front. You may or may not agree with everything, but keep coming up with resolutions until you can both find a comfortable medium. An example of this would be if the stepson isn't helping out around the house, then he needs to pay additional rent to compensate for you and your wive's time of having to take care of responsibilities that he should be mature enough to handle as part of the household. Remind your wife, this isn't about being mean to the stepson, it's about raising him to become a man that will have self-discipline and be able to handle himself in the world and ask for her support in helping do this for him, and for your marriage.

What happens with a young man his age, and you as the stepfather, and even with natural fathers is that there becomes a power struggle over who the alpha male is going to be. Some families don't have an issue with that and so it's not as important to take steps to get the child out on his own. In your blended family, there is a definite power struggle going on and your wife is caught in the middle. 

It's not healthy for you, her, your stepson or anyone else in the family. Now, kicking him out sounds cold and cruel. What about coming up with a plan for him to get his own place, say within three to six months? The rent he pays, or part of it, could go into savings to help him with his deposit, first months rent, etc.... and you and your wife could start making sure he is financially literate enough in order to make it on his own or with roommates. Screening roomates and finding somewhere suitable that you all will feel good about could be an enriching family activity, your wife would have time to come to terms with her son being old enough to be on his own and the two of you can begin to form more of a man to man relationship instead of adult/child one that isn't working out very well right now.


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## gregpaz (Nov 26, 2011)

HIs friend is not homeless. But his mom has rules and tells him if he's not home by 1am the doors will be locked and he will not be allowed in. Why should I have to put up with him coming over here with what has happened. I should be allowed to have security and peace of mind in my own house without having to worry about things disappearing in my house. As stated, I specifically said he was not allowed in the house. He has been arrested possessing marijuana and xanax, which the second of the 2 are the prescription pills that disappeared from my house.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

So put your foot down, I don't know what else to tell you.

Move out? I mean, if your wife isn't dealing with this, this is your life.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Where's your wife in all of this?
Have you discussed how she's enabling him?
Have you discuss repercussions for when the boy is disrespectful/not living up to his responsibilities?

What does she have to say?

Whose house is it? Who holds the deed/mortgage?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## gregpaz (Nov 26, 2011)

I honestly don't know anymore. I have talked to her about this trying to get her to see what is happening here. He is supposed to be moving out shortly, but I have heard this before. He has been involved in check fraud, which now prevents him from having a bank account with any branch. The house is mine, but the type of person I am I want my wife to know and feel that she has the same importance in it also. I have gone above an beyond with her. Pay her bills, added her to my credit card accounts(knowing and believing she would never do anything intentionally to hurt me financially) and she knows that I will not allow my own children to come between us. There have been instances in the past, knowing how kids can be, that my son has said things that were totally uncalled for, yet I am right on top of him letting him know that he will not cause problems in my marriage or come between myself and my wife. I give her just about anything she wants and everything she needs and all I'm looking for is for her to stand with me to put a stop to what is being allowed. Her son knows what he can get away with and pushes the limit. He will not even ask her for anything that in anyway involves me, with me present. He will text her while in the same house.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

gregpaz said:


> ....and all I'm looking for is for her to stand with me to put a stop to what is being allowed. Her son knows what he can get away with and pushes the limit. He will not even ask her for anything that in anyway involves me, with me present. He will text her while in the same house.


Stop talking about the overall situation with the boy.
Does she agree with you that he's slacking and needs to prepare for life?
If not get her to then start asking her what you might be able do to get him motivated then start to put those ideas into play.

See, you have to get her on board, you have to help her own it then gt her invested in workin on it.
This is all going to cause stress in your relationship , there's no way around that.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Again71 (Mar 31, 2011)

I am dealing with the same thing as you, however, it's my 20yr old daughter and my lack of parenting that has probably ended the 10yr relationship I have with the man I love.

Read my story.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Kick him out.

Sorry, I just have to tolerance for this.. My brother is now 23 and just a turd. Mooched off our stepdad until the day our stepdad died and still mooches off our stepdad's wife.

I'd kick that MAN out if my brother was my son. He's been like this since he was 17. I just don't get it. All the girls moved out but the boys are still home, mooching off the parents. Sad.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Again71 said:


> I am dealing with the same thing as you, however, it's my 20yr old daughter and my lack of parenting that has probably ended the 10yr relationship I have with the man I love.
> 
> Read my story.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You're too pessimistic, I think you're going to be fine.

It's just going to take some time.


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## gregpaz (Nov 26, 2011)

This is the wife. My son is moving out in 4 days. We agreed on the $40 a week before he ever moved in. He has a job and is doing online classes. I do not agree with all the rules my husband makes for my son like a curfew, he's 19, he has been getting into some trouble lately, but it doesn't affect our household, it's his lesson to learn, and WE will not be "bailing" him out if it continues. 
I left my son's father suddenly, noone saw it coming, except me, and there is still some animostiy against my husband about that. Anytime my son does say, or do, anything disrespectful, I talk to him about it, but it continues. I don't parent by screaming at my son every time he does something I don't agree with, like my husband does with his son, who is living with us also, paying the same amount that my son does. 
At this point, I don't see what, if anything, can or needs to be done, since he's moving out.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Nice to get both sides.

40bucks a week is cheap! Where do y'all live lol You'd don't have to tell me. I just have told my daughter that a room in these areas goes for about 500-600 a month and that's what we'll be charging her if she doesn't want to go to college or move out.

Glad things will be working out soon. Has he found a place to live yet?


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## gregpaz (Nov 26, 2011)

This is not totally true. This is what part of the problem is. I do not yell at my son. If he is disrespectful to my wife, I will immediately let him know, with authority, that he is not going to come between my wife and myself or cause problems in my marriage. I stand with her and let him see that we are on. My wifes son disrespects her so how can I expect her to get him to respect me. Any time she says she talks to him about disrespecting me, its done in my absence, yet it continues. She enables him to get away with all kinds of things with no consequences. Like taking her car for 2 days without her knowing where he was, then does nothing, like not allowing him to use it for a period of time. This is total denial. I try to get her to see that we should be standing together against any and all actions that cause problems in the house, yet she doesn't. As stated, I requested we see a counselor on this and was told no one is going to tell her how to deal with his actions. I do what I do out of being one with her. I don't receive the same in return. That is all I ever wanted. Putting the Marriage first, which is how I believe it should be.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Try not to put your marriage success on your child's shoulders.

It's one thing to say the child must respect your wife. Fine. She is the lady of the house. but to put that blame in your child's head that any time the child has a problem, etc, they feel they are coming between your wife and yourself will only breed more problems.

Kids internalize things differently. I think a family meeting is in order where people can say how they feel without being told to be quiet. Then maybe ya'll can come to a consensus about how things should be in the house.


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## gregpaz (Nov 26, 2011)

I have tried this with my wife included, to get everyone to know what is expected of them, living there as cheaply as they do. I have problems getting my son to do chores because his attitude is why should I do anything because her son is allowed to get away with everything. Its a no win situation. Im looking for union and oneness yet it doesnt exist. How do you accomplish anything positive when one parent is in denial with what is going on. I have actually been told by my wife, in front of her son, when he had car problems, demanding I go look at his car, then saying she was joking. I see failure occuring where failure is not wanted on my part. I have actually stood here when she asked her son to do something, only for him to ignore her, then her, not wanting confrontation, do it herself. After the task has been completed she will comment to him Thankyou, only to have him respond your welcome in return


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Then decide what you want to do. I mean...what options do you have?


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## Rosco (Sep 16, 2011)

Grow a set and tell him to get out of your house.


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## gregpaz (Nov 26, 2011)

that_girl said:


> Then decide what you want to do. I mean...what options do you have?


Just had a discussion with my wife. It appears that the only time I get any kind of acknowledgement from her son is when he wants or needs something that only I can supply. I asked her if what I do for him benefits me in any way. Each time he has needed help with something, I'm right there ready to help him, which I believe earns me the respect and courtesy I deserve. I asked her how me being there benefited me in any way( and there have been numerous times). Her response to me was to make me look good and be in control. Been there for both her kids in this manner everytime needed. Don't understand where that came from. Her daughter at least appreciates and respects me because of what I've done for her. But with her son it's almost like he thinks I owe it to him. Maybe this is the reason he doesn't respect me. My wife feels this way about me, why should he treat me any different? And she came into this marriage with nothing. I take care of her, supply her all her needs and wants, and pay all her bills. I'm there for her with everything. Is it so much to ask that I be treated with respect, compassion, and be put first in this marriage? I'm not asking her to deny her son' but to stand with me and set some boundaries letting him know what is expected of him with responsibilities and how he treats each of us? He thinks the world revolves around him and his mom makes sure it does. Don.t know how to handle this one. Gonna take some for and serious thought as to whether it's worth it'


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Why does it matter? I thought he was moving out in 4 days.

If so all you need to worry about are whatever boundaries you need in place for when he wants to move back in.

I'd figure those out quick
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## gregpaz (Nov 26, 2011)

So sad to reply that my wife doesn't seem to believe everything that goes on in this house is a result of her enabling. Everything that happens is immediately shared with his father and his father coaches him as to what to do to create additional problems. My wife doesn't see this and refuses to take a stand anainst what has been an easy problem to correct, to something that is totally out of control. He gets what he wants whenever he wants even if its at my expense, which it usually is. I will not live my life second in my marriage. Doesn't look like there will be any solution to this problem but for us to part ways. Too bad. I loved her dearly and would and did everything she wanted and needed, but will not live second in command in my house to a sneaky, lying, manipulating kid. Wish she would wake up to what is going on!!! Her sister in law once told me is all you have to do is show some people the problem and they see it. others need to be hit in the head with a brick, while others need a train wreck. Well I guess it looks like the train is carreening out of control!


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

You are throwing away the marriage when the problem is leaving? Only 3 more days.... day after tomorrow??? I'd offer to help him move! 

It does suck to be unappreciated, but I'd let the kid leave and THEN work with wife to prevent him from moving back in. Make it not about him, but about "house rules" and no kids moving back in.


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## Sanity (Mar 7, 2011)

Sorry about your son but I'll be blunt. If your son as you describe him continues in your home unchecked I firmly believe you'll be either seperated, hating each other and/or divorced. This is a MAJOR issue that if not dealt with soon will cause a collapse in your marriage. A 19 year old should be contributing to the household and a making plans to move out especially if he's causing problems. Furthermore if your wife wants him to stay then the MAN child should follow all the rules or move out immediately.

A few years ago a cousin of mine(23 at the time) moved in and paid me rent. He drank but never knew the extent of the drinking. One day I go to the garbage bin and discover about fifty bottles of beer that he drank over a few days. I also found hard liquor empty bottles. 

I then checked him room and literally found a sea of empty beer bottles in his room. I forget the amount but it was incredible. When he got home I sat him down and discussed while his drinking is none of my business I will not have this in my home. I come from a family of drunks and I don't want that in my home. 

I asked him to leave after he promised me to quit after a few months. I love my cousin like a brother but boundaries need to be respected. 

He doesn't drink as much now but he now has his own place to do whatever he wants.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## gregpaz (Nov 26, 2011)

SunnyT said:


> You are throwing away the marriage when the problem is leaving? Only 3 more days.... day after tomorrow??? I'd offer to help him move!
> 
> It does suck to be unappreciated, but I'd let the kid leave and THEN work with wife to prevent him from moving back in. Make it not about him, but about "house rules" and no kids moving back in.


The problem is not leaving. My wife believes he is leaving because he is not wlecome here.Not the case at all. She has allowed him to get away with unspeakable things with no conquences. And her attitude is his wants and desires come before everything, even at my expense. 
He hasn't paid rent in over 2 months and needs to replace a rug in the room he's living in that he has destroyed. His mom doesn't make him know he is responsible and will be paying. She said to me that he can only offord on or the other. So I should pay for the rug. He lives like a pig, doesn't clean up after himself, and gets everything he wants. He is even on our phone plan and has not had the money to pay his portion and his mom allows him to get away with it. Therre willl still be connections after he leaves and she will drop everything to put him first. She already told me he would be coming back to the house to do his laundry. Wants all of the freedom of an adult with none of the responsibilies or expenses. And his mom allows it.


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## gregpaz (Nov 26, 2011)

Sanity said:


> Sorry about your son but I'll be blunt. If your son as you describe him continues in your home unchecked I firmly believe you'll be either seperated, hating each other and/or divorced. This is a MAJOR issue that if not dealt with soon will cause a collapse in your marriage. A 19 year old should be contributing to the household and a making plans to move out especially if he's causing problems. Furthermore if your wife wants him to stay then the MAN child should follow all the rules or move out immediately.
> 
> A few years ago a cousin of mine(23 at the time) moved in and paid me rent. He drank but never knew the extent of the drinking. One day I go to the garbage bin and discover about fifty bottles of beer that he drank over a few days. I also found hard liquor empty bottles.
> I have tried to get her to get on board to stand together, not deny but to be blunt about what his position is here and she refuses. Anytime he disrespects me she always talks to him behind closed doors saying the problem has been taken care of and yet it continues. I want him to see us both standing together to limit his options and what he can get away with but she will not do it.
> ...


I have tried to get her to join me together as husband and wife so as to allow him to see his options are limited. She refuses. Everytime he disrespects me she talks to him behind closed doors and claims the problem is solved, yet it continues. Im sorry, but I feel the marriage comes first. She feels her kids come first even at the expense of the marriage. And that is exactly what she is allowing. He hasn't paid rent in almost 2 months because he says he needs to save to afford the apartment, has to replace a rug in the room he is staying in because he's destroyed it, yet she allows it. He's on our phone plan ahd quite a few times didn't have the money to pay his portion of the bill, so I had to carry him. This wil continue long after he's gone. Shes even informed me he will be coming back to do laundry at our house. He wants all the freedom of an adult with none of the responsibility or expenses and his mom allows it. I wouldn't mind so much if he respected me, was a man of his word and was greatful, but he is none of the above!


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Then simply put your foot down and tell him he has X amount of days to leave.
After X amount of days go down to the courthouse and file an eviction notice in the boys name.

By doing this you take back control of your household and it puts the ball squarely in your wife's court.

She may stay or she may go but you can't continue to be held hostage in your own house.
Step up and fix this on your own since she has decided to continue to manipulate you through your own inaction instead of sincerely helping you deal with the problem.

I just did this exact thing with my 21 year old step son two months ago.
My wife is still here and my quality of life is greatly improved since he's gone.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Sanity (Mar 7, 2011)

Your wife is choosing to destroy your marriage by allowing this man to continue his behavior. An old friend of mine left his wife after she basically did the same thing as your wife. After two years she called him crying apologizing for destroying their marriage and ask him to come back. He did but under the condition that the marriage comes first. 

Brother it's time you sat your wife down and explained under no uncertain terms that this is a deal breaker. She needs to choose wisely. She will ***** and complain and call you a control freak. So what? If you do nothing where do you see yourself in five years? 

Does your wife want a divorce? Seperation?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mephisto (Feb 20, 2011)

It appears that your wife doesn't handle herself well and is basically sponging off you, so why would she think that teaching her son another way of living would be a good idea?

Neither of them have any respect for you and what you want, you need to re-affirm your alpha dog of the house. Rules and repercussions. They both need that lesson. A 19 year old disrespecting me in my own house would have his ass handed to him and a free ticket out the door.


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## Lydia (Sep 4, 2011)

I can see you being angry at the son. This is your wife's problem, and she is letting it bleed into you and come between you and her. It sounds like he is a result of poor parenting and was never given strict boundaries and rules to follow (or at least they were not strictly and consistently enforced).

I am assuming she handled her parenting in the same way it appears she is handling this marital issues - just shrugging it off and it isn't worth the battle to her. If that is the case, no wonder her son is the way he is.

I hope he really does move out of the house, as stated, but I have a feeling he will come back eventually. I have found that most people who mooch don't just stop doing it, and they will use what they can until they run out of resources and then make their rounds again. I think you need to have a heart to heart with your wife and tell her she needs to enforce boundaries with him, and stick to rules. If she doesn't, he isn't allowed to be at the home.


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## gregpaz (Nov 26, 2011)

Sanity said:


> Your wife is choosing to destroy your marriage by allowing this man to continue his behavior. An old friend of mine left his wife after she basically did the same thing as your wife. After two years she called him crying apologizing for destroying their marriage and ask him to come back. He did but under the condition that the marriage comes first.
> 
> Brother it's time you sat your wife down and explained under no uncertain terms that this is a deal breaker. She needs to choose wisely. She will ***** and complain and call you a control freak. So what? If you do nothing where do you see yourself in five years?
> 
> ...


Believe me, I Have sat down
with her explaining exactly
my position. Her response,is why is it males that always have to prove who has the bigger penis. Yes, that is exactly her position, while she babies him. One of the games that he plays is saying to her " how much do you love me?" I know he is about to ask for something he wants and she falls for it everytime.


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## gregpaz (Nov 26, 2011)

Lydia said:


> I can see you being angry at the son. This is your wife's problem, and she is letting it bleed into you and come between you and her. It sounds like he is a result of poor parenting and was never given strict boundaries and rules to follow (or at least they were not strictly and consistently enforced).
> 
> I am assuming she handled her parenting in the same way it appears she is handling this marital issues - just shrugging it off and it isn't worth the battle to her. If that is the case, no wonder her son is the way he is.
> 
> I hope he really does move out of the house, as stated, but I have a feeling he will come back eventually. I have found that most people who mooch don't just stop doing it, and they will use what they can until they run out of resources and then make their rounds again. I think you need to have a heart to heart with your wife and tell her she needs to enforce boundaries with him, and stick to rules. If she doesn't, he isn't allowed to be at the home.


He ex Is exactly the same way. Lives off his girlfriend coattails. He knows exactly how to play her. Wonder where the son learned it?


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## gregpaz (Nov 26, 2011)

Mephisto said:


> It appears that your wife doesn't handle herself well and is basically sponging off you, so why would she think that teaching her son another way of living would be a good idea?
> 
> Neither of them have any respect for you and what you want, you need to re-affirm your alpha dog of the house. Rules and repercussions. They both need that lesson. A 19 year old disrespecting me in my own house would have his ass handed to him and a free ticket out the door.


I have given her an ultimatum on this Told her the marriage will come first or it will not work. Went outside for a breather and when I returned, she has divorce'documents up on the computer. Not my loss. As much as I love her,I know for a fact no one has ever treated her the way I do. Looks like a train wreck is necessary. They say you don't know what you've had till it's gone. Maybe she needs to learn this one real well. Let her using, disrespecting son support her.


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## gregpaz (Nov 26, 2011)

Lydia said:


> I can see you being angry at the son. This is your wife's problem, and she is letting it bleed into you and come between you and her. It sounds like he is a result of poor parenting and was never given strict boundaries and rules to follow (or at least they were not strictly and consistently enforced).
> 
> I am assuming she handled her parenting in the same way it appears she is handling this marital issues - just shrugging it off and it isn't worth the battle to her. If that is the case, no wonder her son is the way he is.
> 
> I hope he really does move out of the house, as stated, but I have a feeling he will come back eventually. I have found that most people who mooch don't just stop doing it, and they will use what they can until they run out of resources and then make their rounds again. I think you need to have a heart to heart with your wife and tell her she needs to enforce boundaries with him, and stick to rules. If she doesn't, he isn't allowed to be at the home.


His father is exactly the same way. What is it they say, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree


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## gregpaz (Nov 26, 2011)

Sanity said:


> Your wife is choosing to destroy your marriage by allowing this man to continue his behavior. An old friend of mine left his wife after she basically did the same thing as your wife. After two years she called him crying apologizing for destroying their marriage and ask him to come back. He did but under the condition that the marriage comes first.
> 
> Brother it's time you sat your wife down and explained under no uncertain terms that this is a deal breaker. She needs to choose wisely. She will ***** and complain and call you a control freak. So what? If you do nothing where do you see yourself in five years?
> 
> ...


That's really what she calls me. A control freak' Why, because I want order and respect in my house?


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## Sanity (Mar 7, 2011)

gregpaz said:


> Believe me, I Have sat down
> with her explaining exactly
> my position. Her response,is why is it males that always have to prove who has the bigger penis. Yes, that is exactly her position, while she babies him. One of the games that he plays is saying to her " how much footy love me?" I know he is about to ask for something he wants and she falls for it everytime.


Then buddy your dealing with two people who don't understand boundaries. Time for the old lion to ravage the jungle and show you mean business.
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## Sanity (Mar 7, 2011)

gregpaz said:


> That's really what she calls me. A control freak' Why, because I want order and respect in my house?


People with poor boundaries will use insults to break your will or resolve. In debates this is called an Ad Hominem attack that is used to distract anf throw you off track. Make a choice and stick to it. It's time your stepson learned he can't do this anymore. 

Buddy I know you want to keep your marriage together. I applaud that but ultimately if left unchecked this IS a threat to your marriage. This is a young make lion challenging you. Make the decisive move.
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