# why do i feel so lost in rec



## summergirljea (Jul 17, 2013)

trying to rec w/h has anyone else felt this way? sex has been good but b/c so much has happened between us fighting,hurtful things said,threat of divorce from both of us ....that when we spend time or the day together it doesn't feel the same. I don't feel much of a connection I don't know what to say to him sometimes or how to be myself around him anymore.he spends some time with me then off w/male friends or in garage, ect. I try not too get too close to him b/c im afraid of getting hurt again, he doesn't feel like my best friend anymore. we say we love each other n want us to make it but I don't know. why do I feel sooo lost,disconnected and depressed? any comments or help please? doesn't anyone else feel like this?:scratchhead:


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## Oblivious2678 (Sep 3, 2013)

Hi summergirl, I am not 100% sure, but I am going through something similar like you. I don't feel that great connection with my wife right now. My belief as to the reason why is actually something you said, "I try not to get too close to him because I am afraid of getting hurt again." I have read that if you don't allow yourself to become vulnerable, putting your guard down, and trust in the person you love, you will not feel that connection. 

I know I am in somewhat of a protective mode along with my wife. I hurt her and my daughter thanks to short temper anger, neglect, and not standing up to my family. I dealt with a lot of issues due to the death of my father and the overwhelming feeling of added responsibility, which caused me to go through this. I refused to ask for help (stereotypical man, right?), but now I have reached out for help and have found myself again, feeling better than I have ever been. 

However, my wife is still protective of her and the kids and won't fully let me in. I am protective of myself because I don't know if she's going to drop the divorce bomb on me at any minute with all of the mixed signals I get (one day she wants us to be a couple, the next she doesn't).

Bottom line, I think both of you are still in protective mode. You are both protecting yourself from getting hurt. Have you done any joint marriage counseling? If both of you can't be vulnerable to each other, you will never allow yourself that full connection.


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## justme85 (Aug 29, 2013)

Hey,

Sorry to hear about your problems. There's no rule book as to how we're meant to feel whilst going through reconciliations! I'm always second guessing myself.

I love my partner so much, and we're like best friends too...sometimes I feel like i need to remember what he did and that I'm wrong for feeling comfortable with him again. Then other minutes I feel hurt and depressed. 

It takes time. There are no wrongs or rights. You do what i best for you.


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## tracyishere (Dec 2, 2012)

Once you get past the whole winning him over stage. Reality takes a hit at you and you realize that this man who you love and spent the last few months crying over and wishing for had rejected you and gave up on you. That's when you think WTF? Was he worth it?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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