# Reconciling with wife, but she slept with 6 guys during seperation



## PKH

My wife and I separated in March 2019. She initiated the separation, although I felt we needed time apart, as well. We were toxic to one another, and both needed space to work on ourselves.


We discussed our seperation agreement, guidelines, and how we would move forward, since we have a 4year old daughter. We decided I would stay in the house for 3 months, as a trial. We would attend marriage counseling (lasted two sessions) and there would be no sex between us, or with others, during this time. If our relationship improved, we would consider reconciling. 


Little did I know, it was already too late. She already started talking to a guy she went to high school with, and would not try to hide it. She began getting back in shape, buying sexy clothes and lingerie, going out and spending the night at "friends." All right in front of me, while I was still living in the house. 


At home, she would look at me with disgust, make demeaning/passive comments about me, and try to break me down anyway she could. I knew she was sleeping with this guy, and it killed me.


After 3 months, I moved out. Gut wrenchingly heartbroken. I read marriage improvement books, listened to self improvement podcasts, surrounded myself with friends, went to therapy, and tried moving on, but I couldn't. Despite it all, I wanted my wife back.


Fast forward, during the year of seperation, I dated a couple girls, had sex with them, but emotionally, I wasn't ready. 


My wife got burned by the first guy she was seeing (while we were living together), joined dating apps, and was on the town.

She slept with 6 guys during the year of seperation, and the few guys she actually dated, dumped her. 

In February 2020, I was dropping off some documents we needed for our daughters school. While there, she asked to use my phone for a conference call, since she got a new phone and it was still transferring data. I let her use it, and I left to run a couple errands. While I was gone, she went through my phone and saw text messages with the girl I was dating. When I returned, she was acting very cold. After I left, I got a text from her best friend, telling me she went through my phone and saw this girl. Next thing I know, she wants to work on things, and give us another chance.

We have been reconciling during Covid 19, and our relationship has been better, and at times, not good, but we work on the issues.



However, I can't seem to shake this mental block, allowing me to fully trust her. Does she want me, or am I a default because the other guys didn't choose to stay with her? 

Side note, she snooped through my phone after we started reconciling, and made me delete all the pictures of the girls I dated, unfollow them on social media, etc. I was mad she went through my phone, so she said I could look at hers. I saw all the guys she slept with, and the pictures of her body, she sent them (no nudes, but pics of her in lingerie, bikinis, the her in the bath tub, etc...).

So I'm in my head because, when we separated, she started dating someone right in front of me, transformed her body, and sent these guys sexy pictures, and she had sex with many guys. 

Now that we are back together, she's gained weight, and says she doesn't care, doesn't try to look good for me, or send me photos (I've asked). 

Why doesn't she want to look her best for me? I got myself in shape also, and have continued to workout because I want to look good for her. I don't get any compliments from her, and it's really messing with my head. She's always been the most beautiful woman in the world to me, I just don't understand why she doesn't want to be her best self for me. She just constantly complains about her body, and says, well whatever. I know I'll never be in a bikini again.


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## Personal

So what do you want?


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## BruceBanner

PKH said:


> My wife and I separated in March 2019. She initiated the separation, although I felt we needed time apart, as well. We were toxic to one another, and both needed space to work on ourselves.
> 
> 
> We discussed our seperation agreement, guidelines, and how we would move forward, since we have a 4year old daughter. We decided I would stay in the house for 3 months, as a trial. We would attend marriage counseling (lasted two sessions) and there would be no sex between us, or with others, during this time. If our relationship improved, we would consider reconciling.
> 
> 
> Little did I know, it was already too late. She already started talking to a guy she went to high school with, and would not try to hide it. She began getting back in shape, buying sexy clothes and lingerie, going out and spending the night at "friends." All right in front of me, while I was still living in the house.
> 
> 
> At home, she would look at me with disgust, make demeaning/passive comments about me, and try to break me down anyway she could. I knew she was sleeping with this guy, and it killed me.
> 
> 
> After 3 months, I moved out. Gut wrenchingly heartbroken. I read marriage improvement books, listened to self improvement podcasts, surrounded myself with friends, went to therapy, and tried moving on, but I couldn't. Despite it all, I wanted my wife back.
> 
> 
> Fast forward, during the year of seperation, I dated a couple girls, had sex with them, but emotionally, I wasn't ready.
> 
> 
> My wife got burned by the first guy she was seeing (while we were living together), joined dating apps, and was on the town.
> 
> She slept with 6 guys during the year of seperation, and the few guys she actually dated, dumped her.
> 
> In February 2020, I was dropping off some documents we needed for our daughters school. While there, she asked to use my phone for a conference call, since she got a new phone and it was still transferring data. I let her use it, and I left to run a couple errands. While I was gone, she went through my phone and saw text messages with the girl I was dating. When I returned, she was acting very cold. After I left, I got a text from her best friend, telling me she went through my phone and saw this girl. Next thing I know, she wants to work on things, and give us another chance.
> 
> We have been reconciling during Covid 19, and our relationship has been better, and at times, not good, but we work on the issues.
> 
> 
> 
> However, I can't seem to shake this mental block, allowing me to fully trust her. Does she want me, or am I a default because the other guys didn't choose to stay with her?
> 
> Side note, she snooped through my phone after we started reconciling, and made me delete all the pictures of the girls I dated, unfollow them on social media, etc. I was mad she went through my phone, so she said I could look at hers. I saw all the guys she slept with, and the pictures of her body, she sent them (no nudes, but pics of her in lingerie, bikinis, the her in the bath tub, etc...).
> 
> So I'm in my head because, when we separated, she started dating someone right in front of me, transformed her body, and sent these guys sexy pictures, and she had sex with many guys.
> 
> Now that we are back together, she's gained weight, and says she doesn't care, doesn't try to look good for me, or send me photos (I've asked).
> 
> Why doesn't she want to look her best for me? I got myself in shape also, and have continued to workout because I want to look good for her. I don't get any compliments from her, and it's really messing with my head. She's always been the most beautiful woman in the world to me, I just don't understand why she doesn't want to be her best self for me. She just constantly complains about her body, and says, well whatever. I know I'll never be in a bikini again.


Your wife obviously initiated the separation so she could justify ****ing around behind your back.


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## PKH

To feel like she desires me, and I'm worth the effort, like all those other guys


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## Personal

Given what has happened, why do you want that?


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## bobert

PKH said:


> To feel like she desires me, and I'm worth the effort, like all those other guys


If it makes you feel any better, if one of those other guys would have stuck around she would have started slacking eventually. She doesn't have to dress up or take care of herself with you... she knows you will accept her regardless.


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## TJW

Your wife has no interest in you. You are not "worth the effort", to her. Waste her a$$ like a used kleenex. And, do whatever you can to get your daughter with you. You don't want your daughter to watch the **** carousel which is going to follow your departure.


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## Mr.Married

You both broke the no sex agreement so you can’t smash her for that... you are just as guilty.

However .... your wife is not sexually into you like she was with these other guys. She only wanted you back after she thought you were on to someone else and her safety net would disappear.

You are clinging to desperation with a woman who will never give you the marriage and love you seek.

You are plan B .... your toast when plan A comes along.

Cut your loses now or dwell in misery forever. She will never be what you need.


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## PKH

TJW said:


> Your wife has no interest in you. You are not "worth the effort", to her. Waste her a$$ like a used kleenex. And, do whatever you can to get your daughter with you. You don't want your daughter to watch the **** carousel which is going to follow your departure.



I'm almost there with it


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## PKH

Mr.Married said:


> You both broke the no sex agreement so you can’t smash her for that... you are just as guilty.
> 
> However .... your wife is not sexually into you like she was with these other guys. She only wanted you back after she thought you were on to someone else and her safety net would disappear.
> 
> You are clinging to desperation with a woman who will never give you the marriage and love you seek.
> 
> You are plan B .... your toast when plan A comes along.
> 
> Cut your loses now or dwell in misery forever. She will never be what you need.


That's what I'm thinking, too. It sure feels and seems that way.


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## BruceBanner

PKH said:


> Little did I know, it was already too late. She already started talking to a guy she went to high school with, and would not try to hide it. She began getting back in shape, buying sexy clothes and lingerie, going out and spending the night at "friends." All right in front of me, while I was still living in the house.


That was likely her plan all along.



PKH said:


> At home, she would look at me with disgust, make demeaning/passive comments about me, and try to break me down anyway she could. I knew she was sleeping with this guy, and it killed me.


Typical behavior of a cheater or backstabber. Break you down to further make the other option look better.



Mr.Married said:


> You both broke the no sex agreement so you can’t smash her for that... you are just as guilty.
> 
> However .... your wife is not sexually into you like she was with these other guys. She only wanted you back after she thought you were on to someone else and her safety net would disappear.
> 
> You are clinging to desperation with a woman who will never give you the marriage and love you seek.
> 
> You are plan B .... your toast when plan A comes along.
> 
> Cut your loses now or dwell in misery forever. She will never be what you need.


He broke his agreement afterwards though. She had already had another guy in mind and did it out in the open.



TJW said:


> Your wife has no interest in you. You are not "worth the effort", to her. Waste her a$$ like a used kleenex. And, do whatever you can to get your daughter with you. You don't want your daughter to watch the **** carousel which is going to follow your departure.


DNA test your kid as well OP.


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## PKH

My daughter is definitely mine - no worries there. I really appreciate all the feedback. It's helping me cut through the ******** of her behavior, and knowing that I'm not crazy for thinking the way I have been.


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## Mr.Married

PKH said:


> My daughter is definitely mine - no worries there. I really appreciate all the feedback. It's helping me cut through the ******** of her behavior, and knowing that I'm not crazy for thinking the way I have been.


Don’t be too hard on yourself. Your not the first and won’t be the last to have clouded judgement from being too close to the situation.


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## PKH

Mr.Married said:


> Don’t be too hard on yourself. Your not the first and won’t be the last to have clouded judgement from being too close to the situation.


Thank you


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## No Longer Lonely Husband

PKH said:


> My wife and I separated in March 2019. She initiated the separation, although I felt we needed time apart, as well. We were toxic to one another, and both needed space to work on ourselves.
> 
> 
> We discussed our seperation agreement, guidelines, and how we would move forward, since we have a 4year old daughter. We decided I would stay in the house for 3 months, as a trial. We would attend marriage counseling (lasted two sessions) and there would be no sex between us, or with others, during this time. If our relationship improved, we would consider reconciling.
> 
> 
> Little did I know, it was already too late. She already started talking to a guy she went to high school with, and would not try to hide it. She began getting back in shape, buying sexy clothes and lingerie, going out and spending the night at "friends." All right in front of me, while I was still living in the house.
> 
> 
> At home, she would look at me with disgust, make demeaning/passive comments about me, and try to break me down anyway she could. I knew she was sleeping with this guy, and it killed me.
> 
> 
> After 3 months, I moved out. Gut wrenchingly heartbroken. I read marriage improvement books, listened to self improvement podcasts, surrounded myself with friends, went to therapy, and tried moving on, but I couldn't. Despite it all, I wanted my wife back.
> 
> 
> Fast forward, during the year of seperation, I dated a couple girls, had sex with them, but emotionally, I wasn't ready.
> 
> 
> My wife got burned by the first guy she was seeing (while we were living together), joined dating apps, and was on the town.
> 
> She slept with 6 guys during the year of seperation, and the few guys she actually dated, dumped her.
> 
> In February 2020, I was dropping off some documents we needed for our daughters school. While there, she asked to use my phone for a conference call, since she got a new phone and it was still transferring data. I let her use it, and I left to run a couple errands. While I was gone, she went through my phone and saw text messages with the girl I was dating. When I returned, she was acting very cold. After I left, I got a text from her best friend, telling me she went through my phone and saw this girl. Next thing I know, she wants to work on things, and give us another chance.
> 
> We have been reconciling during Covid 19, and our relationship has been better, and at times, not good, but we work on the issues.
> 
> 
> 
> However, I can't seem to shake this mental block, allowing me to fully trust her. Does she want me, or am I a default because the other guys didn't choose to stay with her?
> 
> Side note, she snooped through my phone after we started reconciling, and made me delete all the pictures of the girls I dated, unfollow them on social media, etc. I was mad she went through my phone, so she said I could look at hers. I saw all the guys she slept with, and the pictures of her body, she sent them (no nudes, but pics of her in lingerie, bikinis, the her in the bath tub, etc...).
> 
> So I'm in my head because, when we separated, she started dating someone right in front of me, transformed her body, and sent these guys sexy pictures, and she had sex with many guys.
> 
> Now that we are back together, she's gained weight, and says she doesn't care, doesn't try to look good for me, or send me photos (I've asked).
> 
> Why doesn't she want to look her best for me? I got myself in shape also, and have continued to workout because I want to look good for her. I don't get any compliments from her, and it's really messing with my head. She's always been the most beautiful woman in the world to me, I just don't understand why she doesn't want to be her best self for me. She just constantly complains about her body, and says, well whatever. I know I'll never be in a bikini again.


RUN. You are still in a toxic situation.


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## ah_sorandy

No Longer Lonely Husband said:


> RUN. You are still in a toxic situation.


Exactly!!!

1 man, maybe 2, however, if she can have sex with 6 men in one year of separation, that speaks to her being able to cheat again easily, no matter how much she pledges to be faithful to her DH!

JMHO.


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## BluesPower

PKH said:


> My daughter is definitely mine - no worries there. I really appreciate all the feedback. It's helping me cut through the ******** of her behavior, and knowing that I'm not crazy for thinking the way I have been.


You would be crazy if you decided to get back with your wife... 

I mean you get it now right, she initiated the separation so she could sleep around, A LOT. 

What is wrong with you to considering staying with this woman? 

File for divorce, file now, move on...


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## Yeswecan

TJW said:


> Your wife has no interest in you. You are not "worth the effort", to her. Waste her a$$ like a used kleenex. And, do whatever you can to get your daughter with you. You don't want your daughter to watch the **** carousel which is going to follow your departure.


FTW

Your W wanted out so she could do what she wanted without you in the way. 10 to 1 your W was already see OM before the separation. Your W did not care about any rules of the separation. You were texting OW but I guess that is far as it went. Anyway, you are nothing but a rough neck with a paycheck. Your W is only interested when she sees you talking with OW. You are plan B. Don't be plan B.


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## Numb26

BluesPower said:


> You would be crazy if you decided to get back with your wife...
> 
> I mean you get it now right, she initiated the separation so she could sleep around, A LOT.
> 
> What is wrong with you to considering staying with this woman?
> 
> File for divorce, file now, move on...


Weren't we just talking about this? Perfect example.


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## Numb26

Why? Just why would you ever consider staying with this woman? Do what you need to do and start living your life.


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## Lostinthought61

PKH said:


> To feel like she desires me, and I'm worth the effort, like all those other guys


She only desires you because she saw some one else wanted you...seriously brother she is not worth staying in this marriage....clearly this new woman is more worthy of you than her....if you take her back she will not change....sell the house and divorce.


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## MattMatt

@PKH If she wants it, she does the heavy lifting.

Did you break the no sex agreement? I don't think you did because when your wife began sleeping around she nullified that agreement.

How can you trust her again? You can't. But that's all her own work.

You weren't supposed to date! You were supposed to pine away for her while she put out for at least six other men. You didn't, which blew her plans.


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## BruceBanner

PKH said:


> My daughter is definitely mine - no worries there.


What makes you so sure?


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## PKH

BruceBanner said:


> What makes you so sure?


She looks exactly like me. And when we had her, we were in love. Our situation became very toxic a year or so after our daughter was born.


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## Openminded

You were her Plan B in case no one else wanted her. That turned out to be the case plus she saw the new girl on your phone. She decided she’d better take you back before someone else locked you down. Reconciling was a mistake. You need to move on.


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## PKH

My wife was 100% ready to move on when she initiated the separation. We agreed no sex for 3 months, which she broke. Once that happened, I pursued other women. I still wanted my wife, even though I resented her for what she'd done, and how she was treating me.

I really appreciate everyone's feedback. I am going to talk with her tonight and clear the air. She needs to earn me back, and I'm not going to put up with anything less. 

I know for a fact she never cheated on me prior to our separation. Our relationship fell apart after we had our daughter. We became VERY toxic to one another. 

I am pissed about the guys, and disgusted. She is hot, and had no trouble getting guys. I could have had more than two women, bit I was working on myself. Also, I was no saint in my life when it came to girls I've been with, so I can't pretend she is a complete ****. Before I met her, I had a lot of women. 

It's the fact she gave a lot to these guys, and she was still technically my wife. She was moving on, and all but a couple guys she dated, and got dumped. She just chose to sleep with them right away. 

Since we've been back together, we have sex a lot, and no issues there. She just needs to work hard for me, the way she did for them. Otherwise, I know I am her safety net/plan Ball will be in her court tonight.


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## ConanHub

Let her get plowed by at least half the available male population in your area and then maybe she will be ready to settle down and be a good wife who has sex with you once every other month or so.....


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## Numb26

ConanHub said:


> Let her get plowed by at least half the available male population in your area and then maybe she will be ready to settle down and be a good wife who has sex with you once every other month or so.....


I so badly want to comment on this but don't feel like being banned. LOL


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## DownByTheRiver

Guess there's no way to tell if she really wants you or if she thinks it's the best thing to do for the kids or whatever. It's certainly not unusual, though, for separated people to have sex with other people. Guys I've known (and dated even) were seeing as many women as possible during separation.


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## Tdbo

PKH said:


> My wife was 100% ready to move on when she initiated the separation. We agreed no sex for 3 months, which she broke. Once that happened, I pursued other women. I still wanted my wife, even though I resented her for what she'd done, and how she was treating me.
> 
> I really appreciate everyone's feedback. I am going to talk with her tonight and clear the air. She needs to earn me back, and I'm not going to put up with anything less.
> 
> I know for a fact she never cheated on me prior to our separation. Our relationship fell apart after we had our daughter. We became VERY toxic to one another.
> 
> I am pissed about the guys, and disgusted. She is hot, and had no trouble getting guys. I could have had more than two women, bit I was working on myself. Also, I was no saint in my life when it came to girls I've been with, so I can't pretend she is a complete ****. Before I met her, I had a lot of women.
> 
> It's the fact she gave a lot to these guys, and she was still technically my wife. She was moving on, and all but a couple guys she dated, and got dumped. She just chose to sleep with them right away.
> 
> Since we've been back together, we have sex a lot, and no issues there. She just needs to work hard for me, the way she did for them. Otherwise, I know I am her safety net/plan Ball will be in her court tonight.


I think you are starting to see the light.
She is interested in you for two reasons: 1) You are her best option for the interim and 2) She may not want you 100%, but she's gonna make damn sure no one else gets you.
You need to do what you feel is best for you and your child. Only you know what that is.
Only thing I'll say is that if you take her back, it is solely on your terms , and make sure that you have a legally solid post nup drawn up that is heavily balanced in your favor.
You are gonna need it.


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## Tdbo

ConanHub said:


> Let her get plowed by at least half the available male population in your area and then maybe she will be ready to settle down and be a good wife who has sex with you once every other month or so.....


Sounds like if she didn't get her half, it wasn't because of lack of effort.


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## Tdbo

PKH said:


> She looks exactly like me. And when we had her, we were in love. Our situation became very toxic a year or so after our daughter was born.


I'd say to do a test anyway.
You need to set the tone.
She needs to know you aren't taking any S**T.
Your wife needs the scrutiny. Badly.


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## Casual Observer

PKH said:


> She looks exactly like me. And when we had her, we were in love. Our situation became very toxic a year or so after our daughter was born.


What do you know about your wife's lifestyle prior to meeting you? Did you properly vet each other? Did she have any long-term relationships prior and if so, how did they end? You believe things only became "toxic" a year after your daughter was born, but I'm guessing there's a consistency that someone who's known her for a number might see.

How long did you know her before you married?


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## PKH

I'll scrutinize her about the guys, and confirm there was never any cheating, but my daughter is my daughter.. There's zero question about that. My wife's not a terrible person, she just decided to **** a bunch of guys when we seperated.


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## Luminous

PKH said:


> I'll scrutinize her about the guys, and confirm there was never any cheating, but my daughter is my daughter.. There's zero question about that. My wife's not a terrible person, she just decided to **** a bunch of guys when we seperated.


Your wife isn't a terrible person, but will look at you with 'disgust' and put you down and sleep with multiple men whilst still being married to you and break agreements made between you two... Yeah, she's a real peach. 

In the remote realm of possibilities she IS a decent person, she is a crap wife and partner and has demonstrated that on multiple occasions. 

You need to stop looking at your wife with Rose coloured glasses. Look purely at her ACTIONS towards you. 

Regarding a DNA test. Doesn't matter whether you believe that she is 100% yours, it's the MESSAGE you are driving home that she cannot be trusted, and you are TAKING CHARGE of that situation for your own well being.


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## DownByTheRiver

I think the biggest determinant in whether you should get back together isn't really who had sex with who during separation but the fact that you said how toxic you were to each other when you work together. That's not likely to change.


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## Lostinthought61

PKH said:


> I'll scrutinize her about the guys, and confirm there was never any cheating, but my daughter is my daughter.. There's zero question about that. My wife's not a terrible person, she just decided to **** a bunch of guys when we seperated.


Just to be clear since you seem to continue to gloss over it...you both agree to no sex for 3 months and she cheated...you get that right...she cheated...and as you noted she is technically married...so don’t sit there and tell us that she is not a terrible person


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## PKH

Okay, she is terrible. She completely ruined everything we had. I should run, I know.


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## SunCMars

It is not the number of men she had, it is her frame of mind.

She burned down everything moral thing around her. She burned all the bridges.

I believe she is unstable, and likely has had some sort of 'episode'.

During that one year period, she went maritally lawless, she weighed less, she went bra less, and pantie less.

She did not go man less, she wanted more men.

I can almost guarantee that she did this running around to punish you, to humiliate you.
She rubbed her behavior in your face.

Her mania has now subsided, and she is ready to settle down. Until, the next episode.


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## Openminded

You probably don’t really believe that she’s terrible and ruined everything (although everyone else might). For whatever reason, you chose to reconcile but you don’t completely like how that’s turned out. Namely, she’s gained weight and you don‘t get the hot girl, eager to send you pix, that the half dozen other guys got. Guess why? That’s right — Plan B again. It’s called settling. As for trusting her again? That’s another problem entirely.


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## sokillme

PKH said:


> My wife was 100% ready to move on when she initiated the separation. We agreed no sex for 3 months, which she broke. Once that happened, I pursued other women. I still wanted my wife, even though I resented her for what she'd done, and how she was treating me.
> 
> I really appreciate everyone's feedback. I am going to talk with her tonight and clear the air. She needs to earn me back, and I'm not going to put up with anything less.
> 
> I know for a fact she never cheated on me prior to our separation. Our relationship fell apart after we had our daughter. We became VERY toxic to one another.
> 
> I am pissed about the guys, and disgusted. She is hot, and had no trouble getting guys. I could have had more than two women, bit I was working on myself. Also, I was no saint in my life when it came to girls I've been with, so I can't pretend she is a complete ****. Before I met her, I had a lot of women.
> 
> It's the fact she gave a lot to these guys, and she was still technically my wife. She was moving on, and all but a couple guys she dated, and got dumped. She just chose to sleep with them right away.
> 
> Since we've been back together, we have sex a lot, and no issues there. She just needs to work hard for me, the way she did for them. Otherwise, I know I am her safety net/plan Ball will be in her court tonight.


Seems to me you both got to the point of no return. Once you start bringing other people into your marriage bed the marriage is over.

But give it a shot. We will help you in 2 years when you are on the divorce board.


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## anonfrank

To be blunt: it’s over. She’s just using you. It’s time to leave, preferably with your daughter.


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## Mr.Married

ConanHub said:


> Let her get plowed by at least half the available male population in your area and then maybe she will be ready to settle down and be a good wife who has sex with you once every other month or so.....


I busted out laughing when I read this one .... and from a ordained dude no less !!!!! Shame Shame 😇😇😇😈


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## ConanHub

Mr.Married said:


> I busted out laughing when I read this one .... and from a ordained dude no less !!!!! Shame Shame 😇😇😇😈


LoL! There is some truly fantastic sarcasm throughout the Bible. I'm an amateur by comparison.😉


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## BluesPower

PKH said:


> Okay, she is terrible. She completely ruined everything we had. I should run, I know.


OK, you should run, are you going to?

Look you new the answers when you posted. What is it that you want?

I guess if you are wanting this site to tell you to be a cuckold, and allow your wife to use you until she finds someone that will take her off of your hands...

Well I don't think may people will tell you to do that. Even people that did not like you would probably tell you not to do that, except your wife of course.

You know all of this, right?????


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## Divinely Favored

PKH said:


> My wife was 100% ready to move on when she initiated the separation. We agreed no sex for 3 months, which she broke. Once that happened, I pursued other women. I still wanted my wife, even though I resented her for what she'd done, and how she was treating me.
> 
> I really appreciate everyone's feedback. I am going to talk with her tonight and clear the air. She needs to earn me back, and I'm not going to put up with anything less.
> 
> I know for a fact she never cheated on me prior to our separation. Our relationship fell apart after we had our daughter. We became VERY toxic to one another.
> 
> I am pissed about the guys, and disgusted. She is hot, and had no trouble getting guys. I could have had more than two women, bit I was working on myself. Also, I was no saint in my life when it came to girls I've been with, so I can't pretend she is a complete ****. Before I met her, I had a lot of women.
> 
> It's the fact she gave a lot to these guys, and she was still technically my wife. She was moving on, and all but a couple guys she dated, and got dumped. She just chose to sleep with them right away.
> 
> Since we've been back together, we have sex a lot, and no issues there. She just needs to work hard for me, the way she did for them. Otherwise, I know I am her safety net/plan Ball will be in her court tonight.


you should make her have a test for STDs and show you.


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## GC1234

Sounds like she doesn't really want to be with you, is just doing it b/c of the competition from the other women you dated. She probably got jealous because of what she saw. But she's not really trying from what it sounds like.


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## bobert

You need to stop with the "I know for a fact she didn't cheat on me prior to our separation" crap. I'm not saying she did. I have no clue and quite frankly, I don't really care. But you can never, ever be 100% sure of anyone else's actions... no matter how great your marriage is, or appears to be. 

Also, DNA testing your daughter isn't really about confirming her DNA. It's a relatively cheap way to make a point and show your wife how little you trust her and how much destruction she caused. Rock her world a little bit. It will be a wake-up call for her. My son's look exactly like me, and I still DNA tested them. My wife is pregnant, and the baby was conceived while we were on a 14 day quarantine so there was zero chance he wasn't mine... I still did a DNA test. 

IF you are going to try to reconcile, you both need to go to individual therapy. She will probably realize that she either has personal issues she tried to solve in another man's pants but does want you, or that you are her plan b and she doesn't want you anymore. If she won't go to therapy for several months, not just two sessions, then you have nothing to work with. Do not go back to MC right now.


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## lifeistooshort

PKH said:


> She looks exactly like me. And when we had her, we were in love. Our situation became very toxic a year or so after our daughter was born.


Can you elaborate on what made your situation toxic? It may not matter at this point but it may be helpful for advice giving.


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## Dadto2

Run....once a cheat, always a cheat! I'll cut you some slack for screwing around since it sounds like you did it to get back at her for cheating. Not smart, but understandable. If you decide to stay with her, I look forward to reading your posts when she leaves you again to have more fun with other guys.


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## Tdbo

PKH said:


> I'll scrutinize her about the guys, and confirm there was never any cheating, but my daughter is my daughter.. There's zero question about that. My wife's not a terrible person, she just decided to **** a bunch of guys when we seperated.


I'll put it this way:
Is her name Debbie and do you live in Dallas?


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## Wolfman1968

PKH said:


> I'll scrutinize her about the guys, and confirm there was never any cheating, but my daughter is my daughter.. There's zero question about that. My wife's not a terrible person, she just decided to **** a bunch of guys when we seperated.


OP, you haven't been back for 2 months, so maybe you'll never see this. But I still want to post this for others who may read this and see themselves in a similar situation.

It seems to me that you have it backwards. She didn't decide to **** a bunch of guys when you separated. She separated from you IN ORDER TO **** a bunch of guys. When that didn't work out, she came back to you, her backup plan.
The fact that she isn't putting out the effort for you like she did for the others means she doesn't really value you. She doesn't think she needs to keep up her game to keep you. 
I don't see that as being a long-term desirable situation. I would leave.


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## Divinely Favored

N/a


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## Talker67

interesting she showed NO interest in you until she found you had a GF. then the animal instinct kicked in, and she has to compete to win you back. but, what happens if you drop your GF, and shack up with the wife again? She will rapidly bore of you, and go find other guys to screw. 

So sure, have a roll in the hay with her...but do not kid yourself that she wants you back for good, and will put in the effort to make the marriage work. It will only work if you take on the roll of the cuckolded husband


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## Talker67

double post.


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## Taxman

I have had several clients over the years whose spouses initiated a separation to have several months of free dating. One fellow was in your situation. He believed that during the separation, that he and his wife would NOT date. Six months after reconciling, it came out that she was with several people. My client went ballistic. She kept maintaining that they had never discussed whether they would date. She then made the statement that buried her; I just wanted to test the waters. No further discussion with her BH. Her sister attempted to intercede, only to be questioned. Turned out, that her sister and her were having a great old time as single women. My client informed his sister in law that this situation would now be permanent. WW was sent back to live with her sister. Her parents were informed of their daughters' new hobby. They were unimpressed. Then came the exposure. He was madder than mad and was telling everyone how she bamboozled him into allowing a six month **** fest. Her reputation went into a nose dive. She did not want a divorce, but could not figure a way to get him back. She made the offer of a six month one sided open marriage. He said that he no longer needed any approval from her, and intended on finding her replacement. He intended on taking his time, and thoroughly auditioned every candidate. Her sister got concerned, WW had lost weight that she should never have, her hair was falling out, and she was attending her job very spottily. Most days she stayed in bed. She kept that year rolling in her head, she knew damn well that it was her intention to have a few lovers, (just like her sister) and then go back to her trusty hubby. She also realized that fidelity never came up in their discussions, BECAUSE SHE REALLY DID NOT WANT HIM OUT THERE, just her. Her therapist, determined that she had set her BH up, and that this was the outcome that she NEVER wanted. She invited her BH to one session. She admitted that she had set him up. She begged his forgiveness and she begged him to reconcile. He smiled, thanked her, told the therapist that his client would most likely be suicidal. He handed her the Divorce, had the therapist witness service. Then he left. He heard the wail as he walked out. It was the logical conclusion to her machinations that failed. 

It has been a few years since this played out. They had no children, but that too was a part of her plan. Once she had secured a more lucrative mate or had gone back to her BH, she wanted to start a family. That is not in the cards for her. She has been on her own and is rapidly aging out of her child bearing years. She dates, but is really looking for her BH. Too bad that he did audition several to fill his xWW's position, and found a great candidate. They are now parents.


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## nekonamida

Just to be clear - I don't think many posters, myself included, really care that she dated while separated and planning on divorcing you. But we all have a huge issue with the fact that she chose to separate in order to date other people, broke your agreement to not date for 3 months immediately, paraded the boyfriend in your face, almost certainly overlapped guys given how many she dated in such a short amount of time, had the gall to be upset with you for dating after she broke the agreement, and was arrogant enough to only come back after confirming that you were not waiting around for her and she had no other good options left. The sheer disrespect she's shown you makes her a bad spouse regardless of how terrible your marriage was before then. She could have just divorced you if things were so bad and never have come back! Apparently no matter how bad they were, they weren't worse than being single and having to be alone with her own thoughts.


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## Evinrude58

The wife of OP should be given a medal for skankiest of skanks. Only wanted him back because she was jealous another woman was getting his attention????? Lol, and OP actually considered it????

damn OP, that’s rough bro. She would be screwing other men before she moved her stuff back in the house. SMH on this one.


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## MattMatt

Our resident Zombie Kitten has determined that this zombie thread must be closed down.

However, for some reason he has turned up mob-handed, or rather, mob-pawed-


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