# "Cheating" in platonic relationships?



## Am1104 (Nov 15, 2015)

If one or both people are in platonic, sexless roommate type of relationships... Do you still consider it cheating to get involved with someone else? Even if it's strictly physical?

I'd really like to know the range of opinions on this. It's something I've been debating with myself for years. 

Background:
35/female, married to a guy I've been with since age 17. 
We've never had sexual chemistry. Our close friendship was enough... for a while. We tried to naively create chemistry and slept with each other anyway - about three times in our 17yr long relationship. It (obviously) didn't work. 
So. If either of us has an affair, is it cheating? I personally think there's nothing to cheat on. (Emotionally, yes, otherwise...nope.)

I'm leaving the marriage because if I want a roommate living situation, I'd rather have a roommate, not a husband. Just curious what others think.


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## ReidWright (May 15, 2014)

of course, it is. Unless your spouse agrees willingly to an open marriage, it's cheating.


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

Yes its cheating but i doubt it would be a shock for a man who slept with his wife 3 times in 17 years that she would look elsewhere. Wouldnt be surpised if he was also.


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## *LittleDeer* (Apr 19, 2012)

Just move on.


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## nursejackie (May 22, 2015)

Is it possible your husband is gay and is suppressing it?


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Are you entirely sure of the facts you are giving us? 

The reason I ask is that many people come here basically asking for our permission to step out on their spouse and they tell us they never really loved their spouse etc, etc their spouse is a horrid person, they don't know what they ever saw in them and so on and so forth. 

But it turns out they are reinventing the history of the marriage in order to justify to themselves that they want to cheat on their loving and clueless spouse or are already doing do.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

Why don't you just divorce? Why have you stayed with someone you've only had sex with 3 times in 17 years? What's in it for either of you?


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## Am1104 (Nov 15, 2015)

nursejackie said:


> Is it possible your husband is gay and is suppressing it?



That's been something I've wondered for many years now. I'm very accepting of the LGBT(Q?) community and have gay friends, but when I've asked about his sexual orientation, he says he's only attracted to women. I do wonder sometimes if he subconsciously identifies as being a woman, though.


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## Am1104 (Nov 15, 2015)

SecondTime'Round said:


> Why don't you just divorce? Why have you stayed with someone you've only had sex with 3 times in 17 years? What's in it for either of you?



Yeah, I'll be filing for divorce as soon as I can. The only thing in it for us now is he gets a free maid/cook/dog walker, and I get someone who has financial stability. Beyond that there's nothing left.


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## Am1104 (Nov 15, 2015)

MattMatt said:


> Are you entirely sure of the facts you are giving us?
> 
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



That's a very, very good question and point to make. I've noticed that too. 
In my case, yes, the facts are true. 
I'm not looking to vilify him or act victimized for justification to cheat. I'm just honestly wondering what other's opinions are.

But yeah. That's a good thought.


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## Am1104 (Nov 15, 2015)

ReidWright said:


> of course, it is. Unless your spouse agrees willingly to an open marriage, it's cheating.



Thanks for the input. It does seem pretty cut and dry. 
We did originally agree to an open relationship but neither of us acted on it (to my knowledge). He eventually revoked it, although I continued to say he's free to do whatever he pleases. 
It's been confusing!
Thanks for helping me view it a bit differently.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

If the other person doesn't agree to it, it's cheating.


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