# scared, heartbroken dont no what to do



## hurting32 (Dec 15, 2012)

I met my husband when I was 14, we got married when I was 25 and we started our family when I was 27. We have two perfect children aged 5 and 2. We have had lots of bad times, he has been a cocaine addict on and off for 10 years, he has never totally been honest about his addiction with me and I feel like ive been led up the garden path. Its 10 days before Christmas and I asked for my keep money off him, which I rely on, and he told me he didn't have any and that he had spent it on coke. He asked me if I wanted him to go and I said yes so he left, just like that no goodbye to his children nothing. I rang him to ask if we where now going to separate like adults, cause I have asked him to go lots of times before, to which he replied that is was all my fault that he was using and he doesn't care about me anymore anyway. Im sitting at home feeling more alone than I ever have, I have no one to comfort me or give me words of advice, my family would be over the moon if I told them, which is just what I need to here NOT. I have a feeling he might ring me later to see if he can come home, and I don't want to do this over Christmas but I don't want to put up with this anymore either, and I don't want to loose him or the kids loose there dad although I have a feeling we may have already, I wish I had never had my never more wanted beautiful children because then I wouldn't have to be here anymore the pain is too unbearable.


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## hurting32 (Dec 15, 2012)

thank you im only being strong for the love of my children. I have no support only that of my husband which is nothing. But you are totally right and hearing you say it only confirms my feelings, I am sticking to my guns and until I see some firm changes then he wont be coming back. Even if it takes him months ill still be here after all I still love him very much, and my children love him very much also.

Im not going to tell my daughter of 5 that her daddy is not living here for now, she hasn't even noticed that he isn't here up to now that's how much he was here in the 1st place. If she does notice anything I will tell her he is working very hard. And im trying my best to keep things mature between us as I want him to stay over on Christmas eve so he can be here for the presents in the morning with the children, otherwise she will no something is wrong and I don't want her upset at Christmas.

I still haven't spoken to him properly about the future, but that is because I don't think it has sunk in yet for him that this is it. Once it has and if he does still want us, then major changes will have to happen before he can come back. Thanks again


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## ItsGonnabeAlright (Nov 19, 2012)

He needs help, but since this has been going on for 10 years, count them...1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10 years of your life putting up with his crap and he doesn't care, you need to move on.
Who cares about you and the children? You need to lookout for yourself and your children. What's going to happen when you want to put money away for them, is he capable of stealing it? Don't be afraid to make a plan, and get out, don't look back.
His cocaine is more important to him than you. How do we know this? Because he would rather do coke than take care of his family.
You are still young. You will be fine. Just plan it out and everything will be okay. It's a scary world out there, and we are afraid of ending up with someone similar, but there are good people out there. And you know what?, if you want to live alone with your children that's fine too. 
My husband spent all our money on hookers, booze and strippers. At one point you have to look out for yourself. We cannot allow ourselves to be used by another person, not our husbands, not anyone.
Find your self esteem, and work on it.


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## endlessgrief (Feb 19, 2012)

One of the biggest pu$$y moves is an addict blaming everyone else for their addiction instead of taking a good hard look at themselves. You are not to blame. Say that over and over in your head until you believe it. 

No matter how much you love him, he will always choose his drug of choice over you, your feelings, his health, AND his children. 

Let your addict go and concentrate on your kids. Being raised in a toxic house will screw them up for life as you already know. Concentrate on getting yourself well emotionally and making sure your children know they are loved even if their father is absent for the time being.

If you are waiting for the day he hits bottom and changes, you will be waiting a very long time. Let go of that hope and free yourself from any guilt you may have, real or not real. 

If your husband wants to be a coke addict, let him be a coke addict. But he cannot be a good father and husband at the same time. But I think you know the real truth and everything I wrote you already know. 

Let him go before he takes you and your kids down with him.


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## Thomaseque (Dec 27, 2012)

endlessgrief took the words right out of my mouth; I couldn't agree more. 

Excellent observations and advice!


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