# Merry Christmas



## Paradise (Dec 16, 2011)

Been a challenging couple of days for a lot of us on here (myself included). I really thought last Christmas was going to be the worst of it for me but I do believe this Christmas has been more of a challenge. While I get to wake up with my girl to see what Santa has brought, deep down I know she has been filled with a lot of thoughts about the fact that she isn't going to be with "mommy" when santa comes. 

Her mom and the POS new hubby like to have both his daughter and mine at the same times and to be honest, I cannot compete with that. Yes, I give my girl undivided attention but she's at that age where she would rather be in their new house with her new "sister" and the new "family" than be with dad in a $hitty little apartment. I grew up a very simple man and lived a very simple life as a kid. We celebrated Christmas but it wasn't a big display. My ex and her family make everything into a huge deal. I just cannot compete with that. 

I'm feeling alone right now. Like I am fighting an up-hill battle to be with my daughter when deep down I really don't think she would care one bit if I was no longer around. I mean, it's got to be tiring going back and forth all the time. I feel so bad for her but there isn't much I can do about it. 

I make a decent living and the debt I garnered through the divorce was enough to make living month to month a chore. But, they go on vacations, have two new cars, a new house, etc. I'm feeling resentful because I built a nice new home for us and in the end I was replaced and now have next to nothing. Everything I do have is falling apart and I have no means of replacing it. How in the heck can they afford so much? 

Just ranting here I guess. Ready for this fun Christmas to be over and to get back on with life. I've come to realize that I prefer just to work all the time so I can avoid all of these thoughts and feelings. Guess that is my medication for these times when I'm feeling low. Guess I'm also ready for some breaks to start coming my way. I need a bit of favor. I need some luck. So frustrating. 

Merry Christmas everyone.


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

Yes...challenging indeed. Things will eventually iron themselves out. You are right in how kids come across-like they don't care if you exist. 

They do but are egocentric. Keep on with your attempts.

Eventually your financial status will change. There is always a financial transition during divorce. 

Merry Christmas to you. It's about the birth of Christ...that is what I keep my focus on lately.


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

Hugs for you, Paradise!

You know, when I was a kid, my mom was in your shoes. She just couldn't compete with my dad financially after the divorce.

You know what? The best times were with my mom. 

Your daughter is going to look back on these times and be very grateful you were there, trying your best and giving her all you've got. 

Merry Christmas to you and your kiddo!! 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

When I was a kid I lived both with and without money and what it always came down to for me was the person and not what they had materially.Just be the best father you can be...children value being loved and cared for more than anything I believe.

Take care and Merry Christmas Paradise.


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## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

Paradise I'm so sorry for the pain you feel. I nevertheless wish you a very Merry Christmas. I want keep this positive, so I will not talk about my childhood Christmases which were too painful and I would prefer to forget. I am in a better place and hoping you will be in the years to come. Just be a good dad and in time this will be a blessing to your daughter. Please take care.


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## office girlie (Sep 1, 2012)

I'm ready for the holidays to over ! Had a very bad day yesterday thinking if my in laws and how I am no longer in the family . He took his GF to meet them. Talked to my X sister in law and she said they weren't going cause they had the flu. I had been doing pretty well in coping with everything till this week. I too think I will do better working


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## striker711 (Nov 8, 2012)

Paradise, Merry Christmas. I cannot imagine how hard your situation must be. I feel for you. I am feeling very lonely as well today. We can only do our best everyday and hope for a brighter future. I hope Santa brings your girl some awesome gifts and that you guys have a great Christmas together.


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

Paradise:

Am feeling for you this season! Hope you feel the LOVE of the season (even if it's from your semi-anonymous buddies on TAM). Hope you are working on making 2013 something better so that THIS TIME next year will find you and your daughter in a better place mentally/spiritually!

TAM-approved *hugs*!


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

Merry Christmas to everyone:

Yeah, it sucks when you feel you are "second fiddle" to the other side but your daughter is still young and in the "Me First" stage. If you stay the course and are a factor in her life she'll come to appreciate and love you for who you are. Just be patient. 

Try and make Christmas a special time for you and her. Don't even try to compete against your wife and her new family. Do something entirely new and different for you and her. Do a movie night or have a picnic or go to the beach. Think outside the box and make an entirely new Christmas tradition for you and your daughter. 

For my kids, I ask them what they want for Christmas dinner. They can have anything they want. My daughter picked sweet and sour meatballs. Her boyfriend wanted hot clam dip. My son wanted Taco Bell. So that's what they got. I got lobster.  

If all else fails, on Christmas Eve you may hear something on your roof and and go outside to check it out, then a man in a red suit falls down off the roof, you put on the big red coat..and the rest is history. 

Please tell me you've seen "_The Santa Clause_, which is like the best Christmas movie EVAR! :smthumbup:


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## WomanScorned (May 8, 2011)

Of course you're important to your daughter. In the end stuff is just stuff, but time spent together is what matters.

It's tough this year for some reason. I don't know that it's any worse than last year, but in some ways it is. It would have been my 20th wedding anniversary this week and we had been planning a big celebration two years ago, starting to save money for a family cruise. Now he's got his new wife and kid on the way. At least I have my kids and my boyfriend this year to celebrate with. I get the kids on Christmas as it was his idea to tear us all apart in the first place and I put my foot down about Christmas. I don't care if it's not fair to him. What he did wasn't fair to us.


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## striker711 (Nov 8, 2012)

Paradise how did your day go with your daughter. I have been wondering. I hope it went well.


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

Paradise... I totally get it. I've done this for 9 years and it's always been fine. This is the first year the plans for Christmas morning fell through - the girlfriends decided to get together Christmas Eve and that's when I had to have my family celebration since kiddo had to go to her Dad's at 10pm. 

I'm pretty upbeat but yesterday was a little tough - no kid, none of the usual alternate plans for the day. Didn't want to go to BFFs and see the happy family unit there. Between no daughter, no boyfriend anymore, no dog (died last month) and probably (being honest w/ myself) hormones, it was a sucky day. But I made myself get dressed up in nice jeans and new sweater and get out of the house. I drove around looking at Christmas lights once it got dark.

But money doesn't buy your daughter's happiness and it took me many years to dig out of the financial hole. And heck, I'm still paying my parents back at a rate of $208 a month for 6 years (2 down, 4 to go) for legal fee loan.

Do stuff with her. Take her hiking. Ride bikes. Teach her how to play a sport. Build stuff. Teach her chess. Go rock climbing. Go to free festivals. Go camping. Learn the constellations and lay outside identifying them. Anything that you both find interesting. You will be the cool parent. 

Mom gets homework, laundry, errands, school projects and deadlines, punishments... it's not all glamorous. Trust me, this is my world, too! I do things he can't - sleepovers, shopping, pool parties... but she always does things with her Dad and he never has to deal with the day-to-day stuff.

Point being, the grass isn't greener where she lives. It's just different. So do the stuff she won't. Ex takes my daughter to amusement parks - I get sick on rides. He takes her to water parks - not my thing. They go bungy jumping, to see base jumpers at New River Gorge and rent a motorcycle for the weekend and drive through the country. 

If you need more ideas, PM me.


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## stillhoping (Aug 27, 2012)

Actually got through the second Christmas since the announcement pretty well. Both of my sons have lovely girlfriends and they were with us for Christmas morning. I was sad to know that they were all at the former in-laws without me, but that is something I know I need to give up. Ex is making plans with the boys, skiing and stuff, wish I could join them. But I can make my own plans with them. Carry on, look for opportunities, have a Happy new year celebration, maybe make a time capsule, a bucket list?


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## Marigold (Oct 29, 2010)

Christmas hugs to everyone!

On a positive note, I thought this was the best Christmas yet since the separation. 2010 we'd only just separated 4 weeks before so it was RUBBISH, last year the divorce was looming so it was still very difficult. This year was a step better. Just me and my parents which was a bit sad cos I'm sure everyone else my age is now married with kids - but hey ho....Hopefully me one day! On balance, he wasn't good for me. 

Overall i'm happier now that I was for a long time, the worst thing now really is missing the in-laws and not being part of their family - not my ex-husband.

You never know what 2013 might bring...my number one pressie would be a nice, kind man  

I'm going to be 33 next week - I won't give up yet - I still think there must be some decent men out there who want marriage / family. But for now, I shall enjoy being me! On balance things are on the up - enjoy what I have now and hope for better things in the future!:smthumbup:

Hugs to everyone who needs them right now


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