# Wife of 7 years cheated on me



## MovingOn89

Ok, going to make this as easy to read as I possibly can.. Any and all advice, or input is greatly appreciated..

I found out last week that my wife of 7 years(married 5, together 2yrs. prior) had an A with one of her classmates.. We have a 2 year old son.. I recently got out of the Army, and she joined earlier this year. Basically, what happened was she has been talking to this OM for a few months now. I have met him, hung out, we played guitar together, etc.. So he knew me, I knew him, and he most certainly knew that my wife and I were married. They are in the same class together at school, and I had been noticing them talking alot.. Whether it be on FB, or texts, or in person, etc.. It just got enough for me to question.. So I did, and she reassured me, there was nothing going on.. So last week she goes to a party with a bunch of people from her class. Guess who is there. I didnt hear from her all night, and then when I did, she flat out told me everything that happened, in detail from start to finish.. They were there, drinking, talking, hanging out, then went to leave, and one thing led to another, and they ended up in the backseat of our truck. Luckily, somehow I kept my cool and didnt kill her, and then go find and kill him.. After a few hours, and me cooling down enough to talk about it, she told me it was just oral, and touching, NOT SEX, neither one of them "finished" and they were just sloppy drunk, etc... Following the script, I know. I didnt beleive that for a second. I know there is more to it, whether it was just this one time, or multiple times, and I know in my gut they had sex. During the last week, I have been talking to my dad alot. He was an active member on here to say the least, and can relate to me in every way. He has been giving me a TON of advice, as well as directed me to this site. He has been helping me impliment my 180, as well as keep my emotions somewhat controlled.. I am planning on divorce. I can not stand to be with someone who betrays me, and has that little respect for me.. I basically could just use some input as to the best way to keep my emotions in check. Most of my emotion is sheer rage. I get extremely angry at her, and then I go on my rollercoaster to sad, and why did she do this and so on... I have no desire to reconcile. She moved out of the apartment the day after it happened, and back into the barracks. I gave her no choice. I have my son now, as she cannot have him in the barracks. So again, basically just any advice would be good, or any questions or anything really. I just wanted to give a little background info on the whole thing.


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## Beelzebub

so the day she moved to barrack she told you? how long did she stay with you in the house after she told you?
did she come on her own and tell you what happen?

what does she want? does she want a divorce or marriage? was she remersoful?

to be honest, If I was in your shoes I would get a lawyer and divorce.


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## Sbrown

I guess she doesn't realize that it is called oral SEX! Anyway you need a way to turn that rage into something positive! Exercise is a great way to burn off that rage and it is all benefits and NO negatives! Every time you get the urge to drink, do push ups, run a mile, anything to take your mind off of the drink, off of her and benefit YOU! You have a son, he is watching EVERYTHING you do! And most of the time you can not hide things from them. They are WAY smarter than what some people give them credit for! You must be use this as a teachable moment for your son. Teach him how a man handles adversity. Focus on your son and be the best father you can be!


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## Badblood

Stop drinking!! It will help you to control your temper, plus, if you are going to D, you need to keep your wits about you. Contact her CO. and explain the situation to him/her. GET A LAWYER, IMMEDIATELY!! Use your time well, document the affair, and if the OM is married or has a GF expose him, in fact, expose the affair to everybody. This is just for starters.


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## MovingOn89

Beelzebub said:


> so the day she moved to barrack she told you? how long did she stay with you in the house after she told you?
> did she come on her own and tell you what happen?
> 
> what does she want? does she want a divorce or marriage? was she remersoful?
> 
> to be honest, If I was in your shoes I would get a lawyer and divorce.


All this happened Saturday night, the 21st, and she came back home and stayed that night, and left Sunday morning. I have strong feelings that she is bipolar, but basically she goes back and forth from wanting to reconcile, and then straight to forget you, I dont need you if you dont want me. She is following script, and recently is turning it all against me. Deep down, she wants to reconcile, and move back home, and everything be back to normal. But I cant do that. I dont want that. What bothers me the most, is the lack of remorse, or concern that she shows about any of this. It is like she doesnt even care. She has cried once, but every other time, she just doesnt seem to care at all. I have been looking into lawyers, but TX law states that you have to be a resident for 6 months before filing for legal seperation or divorce, and we have only lived here 2 months. Thanks for the input



Sbrown said:


> I guess she doesn't realize that it is called oral SEX! Anyway you need a way to turn that rage into something positive! Exercise is a great way to burn off that rage and it is all benefits and NO negatives! Every time you get the urge to drink, do push ups, run a mile, anything to take your mind off of the drink, off of her and benefit YOU! You have a son, he is watching EVERYTHING you do! And most of the time you can not hide things from them. They are WAY smarter than what some people give them credit for! You must be use this as a teachable moment for your son. Teach him how a man handles adversity. Focus on your son and be the best father you can be!


Yes, I do exercise occasionally, and most of my drinking happens after I put my son to bed. He is my #1 concern and my priority right now. And I know that, and I am well aware of that.. I try to do things throughout the day to take my mind off of it. We go to the park, walk with our dog, go to the pool.. But needless to say, I still think about it all day.. I know I need to move forward, and I am doing my best to do that.. Thanks for the tips.


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## MovingOn89

Badblood said:


> Stop drinking!! It will help you to control your temper, plus, if you are going to D, you need to keep your wits about you. Contact her CO. and explain the situation to him/her. GET A LAWYER, IMMEDIATELY!! Use your time well, document the affair, and if the OM is married or has a GF expose him, in fact, expose the affair to everybody. This is just for starters.


Im trying to stop... and yes, I already contacted her CO, he is helping me through this all as well. She is going to be tried for adultery and drinking and driving. With me not having a job, and being the "stay at home mom" I dont really have the funds for a lawyer right now. And I am doing my best to expose this to everyone. I have everything documented, I have her whole admission recorded on my phone, emails, etc... I am doing all I can to gather all my evidence in my case, so when the time comes, and I do start with D, I am ready.


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## MovingOn89

Beelzebub said:


> so the day she moved to barrack she told you? how long did she stay with you in the house after she told you?
> did she come on her own and tell you what happen?
> 
> what does she want? does she want a divorce or marriage? was she remersoful?
> 
> to be honest, If I was in your shoes I would get a lawyer and divorce.


Oh, and she told me that night, the day it happened... Although she changed her story 3-4 times throughout it all, and is still lying about most of it, she did tell me..


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## Beelzebub

have you tried to talk to the other man?


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## MovingOn89

Beelzebub said:


> have you tried to talk to the other man?


Yes I have, I have called, texted, everything... I have got no response from him... To be quite honest, I think he is scared of me.. I am a pretty big and intimidating guy, and he knows he f****d up... so I doubt I will ever talk to, or see him again.


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## MovingOn89

And just a little more background, we were happily married.. We got along fine, we had a great sex life.. We had everything going for us.. So just a little more reason to wonder "why"...


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## Shaggy

Have you exposed to crowd of friends so they know what kind of people they are hanging with?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MovingOn89

Shaggy said:


> Have you exposed to crowd of friends so they know what kind of people they are hanging with?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yes, but most of them are all young, single military men, that could care less... So...


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## Shaggy

I'd advise following your gut which is toward D. Yes she chose to tell you, but more importantly she chose to have sex with the OM.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MovingOn89

Yes, I agree.


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## Jibril

The only advice I can give you:

Stop drinking. It isn't "what it is" - you have complete control over yourself, and giving up that control to drink yourself stupid is _not_ going to help you get over your pain in the least. In all likelihood, it could end up getting you hurt, or result in you doing something _very_ stupid. Especially if you're as angry as you say.

Hit the gym hella hard. Take up boxing, if you have the facilities for it, and go to town on the punching bag. It's good if you just "let go" and beat the sh*t out of it. It's _better_ if you pace yourself and work on technique. That'll give yourself something to focus on, and take your mind off the affair and your frustration. 

Stick to your guns, though. It's good that you have enough respect for yourself that you're willing excise this woman from your life. Good on you, and best of luck.


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## MovingOn89

Jibril said:


> The only advice I can give you:
> 
> Stop drinking. It isn't "what it is" - you have complete control over yourself, and giving up that control to drink yourself stupid is _not_ going to help you get over your pain in the least. In all likelihood, it could end up getting you hurt, or result in you doing something _very_ stupid. Especially if you're as angry as you say.
> 
> Hit the gym hella hard. Take up boxing, if you have the facilities for it, and go to town on the punching bag. It's good if you just "let go" and beat the sh*t out of it. It's _better_ if you pace yourself and work on technique. That'll give yourself something to focus on, and take your mind off the affair and your frustration.
> 
> Stick to your guns, though. It's good that you have enough respect for yourself that you're willing excise this woman from your life. Good on you, and best of luck.


Ya, I know... I will do what I can to take my mind off of it.. Kinda hard to do too much, because I have my son, and no vehicle, she took that... Thanks for the tips though. I will have to invest in a bag.


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## Shaggy

Who's name is the vehicle in? If its yours only can you have it taken back,

She left you with your son and no car. That's really not right.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MovingOn89

It is in her name.. I have been building the motor for my car for over a year now, so we just have the one vehicle, and because she knows it is in her name, that is just about the only leverage she has on me.. Is to leave me without a vehicle.. and not to mention, I have only lived in TX for 2 months, so I have no family, and about 2 friends... so dont really have a way to borrow a car or anything..


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## AngryandUsed

Movingon89,

Sorry to see your story.

Since you are heading for D, you should take care of your health.
Read the newbies link under signature of AlmostRecovered.

Stay strong.


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## iJordan

The cheating spouse saying, _'it was just oral!'_ is a facet of psychology I will never understand. It seems so prevalent; yet, if my partner were to tell me that she had 'only' sucked a guy off, there would be no damage limitation achieved.

In someways, I think hearing that would be worse.


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## MovingOn89

Thanks, I appreciate it.. I will


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## MovingOn89

iJordan said:


> The cheating spouse saying, _'it was just oral!'_ is a facet of psychology I will never understand. It seems so prevalent; yet, if my partner were to tell me that she had 'only' sucked a guy off, there would be no damage limitation achieved.
> 
> In someways, I think hearing that would be worse.


Yes, here is my train of thought on that.... If she has only told me that, and knows that I am taking the actions that I am, being that I will be filing for divorce, and dont want to be with her, then why does she need to tell me anymore??? You know what I mean..I think that she thinks there is no point for her to tell me anymore.. But i think that not knowing is harder than knowing, and with everything that has happened, I still would like to know the truth, and Im trying hard to deal with the fact that I may never know...


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## Sbrown

No job, No car, No family close by...I think it is time to call the family and say "Can I borrow bus fare to get home?" You are going to need a support group. Will your family help?


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## MovingOn89

I am in the process of that now.. I am in TX, Mom is in FL and Dad is in MI.... So alot of traveling for me very soon.. But yes, they are both trying to help. They know I need to get out of here asap..


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## MattMatt

Shaggy said:


> Have you exposed to crowd of friends so they know what kind of people they are hanging with?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


They probably already know, and maybe thought it either none of their business, or somehow thought it amusing.


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## MovingOn89

MattMatt said:


> They probably already know, and maybe thought it either none of their business, or somehow thought it amusing.


All of the above... They all know, some being more mature then others have kept out of it.. Some think it is a joke, or amusing.. 

Not to mention, yesterday, she was out partying with all the same people again..


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## MattMatt

MovingOn89 said:


> All of the above... They all know, some being more mature then others have kept out of it.. Some think it is a joke, or amusing..
> 
> Not to mention, yesterday, she was out partying with all the same people again..


So, she has boundary issues, might, possibly, you believe, have mental health problems, seems to have problems with knowing the correct way to behave. 

I wonder exactly how long her military career might last?


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## costa200

> After a few hours, and me cooling down enough to talk about it, she told me it was just oral,


Just oral... Would that be the same mouth she used to kiss you and the kid? Just oral... That's one disgusting woman!


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## MovingOn89

MattMatt said:


> So, she has boundary issues, might, possibly, you believe, have mental health problems, seems to have problems with knowing the correct way to behave.
> 
> I wonder exactly how long her military career might last?


Yes she does... I do beleive she has mental health issues, and her career will not last long at all if she gets charged with adultery and drunk driving... That my friend is a dishonorable discharge on several counts.. It will haunt her for the rest of her life..


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## MovingOn89

costa200 said:


> Just oral... Would that be the same mouth she used to kiss you and the kid? Just oral... That's one disgusting woman!


Yup... Thats why I have taken down every picture, and made her pack everything she owns.. Because I could not stand to look at her face, let alone anything that reminds me of her.. But, nevertheless, I still think there is more to it... I dont think it was just oral..


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## costa200

MovingOn89 said:


> Yup... Thats why I have taken down every picture, and made her pack everything she owns.. Because I could not stand to look at her face, let alone anything that reminds me of her.. But, nevertheless, I still think there is more to it... I dont think it was just oral..


Presume the worse, but if i was in your shoes it would be irrelevant. I think you acted like a real man about it (except the drinking, that's no good and you can do stupid crap under the influence). 

You need to get yourself sorted out for your kid. Cuz if he depends on his mother for life guidance he is screwed.


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## MovingOn89

Yes, and yes.... I just want to make it clear also, I do not drown myself in alcohol... I dont drink all day long.. I may have a beer or 2, and then after my son is in bed, have a few more... I dont drink cases of beer a day, or bottles of liquor every day.. I just have a few, to "take the edge off" if you will. I know not to get too carried away, and I know how to control it.. Not that it matters to this situation, but both of my parents are "recovering" alcoholics.. So I have been around it all my life, and have seen it destroy alot of things.. So I have respect for it.. I just want to set that straight.. I am not getting hammered, black out drunk every day all day long.


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## MattMatt

MovingOn89 said:


> Yes, and yes.... I just want to make it clear also, I do not drown myself in alcohol... I dont drink all day long.. I may have a beer or 2, and then after my son is in bed, have a few more... I dont drink cases of beer a day, or bottles of liquor every day.. I just have a few, to "take the edge off" if you will. I know not to get too carried away, and I know how to control it.. Not that it matters to this situation, but both of my parents are "recovering" alcoholics.. So I have been around it all my life, and have seen it destroy alot of things.. So I have respect for it.. I just want to set that straight.. I am not getting hammered, black out drunk every day all day long.


But I could understand why you might be tempted to do this. Kudos to you that you are resisting this temptation.


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## CleanJerkSnatch

Sorry to hear what happened. Focus focus focus, relax and think before every thought and action like a chess game. Dont let your emotions cloud your judgement, decisions, and actions. Drinking, is a problem, just stop, it ruins your focus and control.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MovingOn89

Ya, I understand.


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## MattMatt

MovingOn89 said:


> Ya, I understand.


But if you must drink beer, go for some nice craft ales.


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## MovingOn89

Lol.. I do..
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MattMatt

MovingOn89 said:


> Lol.. I do..
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Cool! Sierra Nevada Pale Ale is one of my favourite American craft ales. It's an exotic import beer in the UK!


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## MovingOn89

Haha, I love sierra Nevada. Also fat tire, shiner wild hare ipa.. I could go start a different thread on beer, but I don't want to get too off topic on this one..lol
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## keko

MovingOn89, sorry to hear about your story but you're lucky to have a father like yours.

Start planning early on how to divorce your WW with the least amount of damage to yourself and your son.


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## MovingOn89

Thanks, and ya, that's the plan right now.. I'm doing my best to do exactly that.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MattMatt

MovingOn89 said:


> Haha, I love sierra Nevada. Also fat tire, shiner wild hare ipa.. I could go start a different thread on beer, but I don't want to get too off topic on this one..lol
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I'll start on in the Social section!:smthumbup:


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## workindad

Moving, since my D I have started making my own beer. I find it interesting. Too bad I am not any good at it yet.

Hang tough, it gets much better.

WD


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## CleanJerkSnatch

This needs to be you without violence of course.

Equilibrium - Not without incident - YouTube


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## MovingOn89

CleanJerkSnatch said:


> This needs to be you without violence of course.
> 
> Equilibrium - Not without incident - YouTube


Haha, that wouldnt make much sense then..


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## Shaggy

she so remorseful that she's out partying with the same crowd huh! Is the OM with them?

You know that any debt taken on during this window is likely shared - so you might want to ask your lawyer about what happens if you spend money on a car for yourself - nothing fancy, but something you can defend to the judge as being necessary to care for your son after she abandoned the two of you.


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## Wazza

Giving you an alternate perspective. Lousy timing since what I say will hurt, but time is not on your side. Better to point this out now when you could do something if my words ring a bell.

Your wife did the wrong thing and confessed...maybe she downplayed details but she didn't have to say anything, so why did she? Does that suggest regret?

You kicked her straight out, and sent her to the barracks. OM is a classmate so presumably also lives there. Her husband dumped her, she's not thinking straight, she's with someone who's interested.....

All totally understandable, and if you are intent on divorce then it's the right thing, but if you held out any hope for reconciliation the steps you have taken probably make it harder.


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## spudster

Wazza said:


> Giving you an alternate perspective. Lousy timing since what I say will hurt, but time is not on your side. Better to point this out now when you could do something if my words ring a bell.
> 
> Your wife did the wrong thing and confessed...maybe she downplayed details but she didn't have to say anything, so why did she? Does that suggest regret?
> 
> You kicked her straight out, and sent her to the barracks. OM is a classmate so presumably also lives there. Her husband dumped her, she's not thinking straight, she's with someone who's interested.....
> 
> All totally understandable, and if you are intent on divorce then it's the right thing, but if you held out any hope for reconciliation the steps you have taken probably make it harder.



He did the right thing. He gave her a consequence: no home and limited conact with her child. You would think a mother with a new baby would be on her knees begging him to take her back. Why is she not?

I'll tell you why. She is trash.

OP is doing everything right, except for the drinking.


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## Wazza

spudster said:


> He did the right thing. He gave her a consequence: no home and limited conact with her child. You would think a mother with a new baby would be on her knees begging him to take her back. Why is she not?
> 
> I'll tell you why. She is trash.
> 
> OP is doing everything right, except for the drinking.


Two significant facts based on OP.

First, she started by confessing everything instead of trying to cover up. I wish my wife had done that.

Second, the consequence was "you are out". The normal advice here is to require things like NC with consequences if the WS does not comply. Once he wife had done the wrong thing, there does not seem to have been any avenue open to her for reconciliation.

Hence my original post. If the OP feels they cannot take her back after this, it's perfectly understandable and he has done the right thing. Better to be decisive than drag it out. All I said was his plan does not seem to leave open any possibility of reconciliation. I posted so he could consider this now, rather than this occurring to him when it is too late should he decide he wants reconciliation.


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## spudster

Wazza said:


> Two significant facts based on OP.
> 
> First, she started by confessing everything instead of trying to cover up. I wish my wife had done that.
> 
> Second, the consequence was "you are out". The normal advice here is to require things like NC with consequences if the WS does not comply. Once he wife had done the wrong thing, there does not seem to have been any avenue open to her for reconciliation.
> 
> Hence my original post. If the OP feels they cannot take her back after this, it's perfectly understandable and he has done the right thing. Better to be decisive than drag it out. All I said was his plan does not seem to leave open any possibility of reconciliation. I posted so he could consider this now, rather than this occurring to him when it is too late should he decide he wants reconciliation.


Take some time and read a few of the old threads here. It is a proven fact that waywards who are hit hard by sanctions up front are more willing to break off their affairs, get their acts together and work on reconcilliation. 

The OP has said she is not remorseful to any meaningful degree. Reconcilliation is not an option. If she would show some regret, some contrition, he would probably be asking her to come back. She sounds like a hard hearted wayward to me.


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## MattMatt

spudster said:


> Take some time and read a few of the old threads here. It is a proven fact that waywards who are hit hard by sanctions up front are more willing to break off their affairs, get their acts together and work on reconcilliation.
> 
> The OP has said she is not remorseful to any meaningful degree. Reconcilliation is not an option. If she would show some regret, some contrition, he would probably be asking her to come back. She sounds like a hard hearted wayward to me.


I wonder! I wonder if she confessed in such a way, manipulated the situation in such a way that she knew pretty much that husband would throw her out?

Why would she do that? If she was somehow fearful of life as a wife and mother (with limited 'me' time, etc.) or just did not want that lifestyle, getting thrown out without the child would be a perfect way out.

_"See, I told my husband I strayed and he threw me out!" "Oh, you poor thing! Here! Let me buy you a drink!"_


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## iJordan

Wazza said:


> Two significant facts based on OP.
> 
> First, *she started by confessing everything* instead of trying to cover up. I wish my wife had done that.


No, she eventually confessed to 'just oral' after he had calmed down. There is no reason to think that she confessed everything. 



Wazza said:


> All I said was *his plan does not seem to leave open any possibility of reconciliation*. I posted so he could consider this now, rather than this occurring to him when it is too late should he decide he wants reconciliation.


He has shown his wife he will not be walked over like a doormat; he has given her a reason to respect him. That does not make the reconciliation impossible.


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## Wazza

spudster said:


> Take some time and read a few of the old threads here. It is a proven fact that waywards who are hit hard by sanctions up front are more willing to break off their affairs, get their acts together and work on reconcilliation.
> 
> The OP has said she is not remorseful to any meaningful degree. Reconcilliation is not an option. If she would show some regret, some contrition, *he would probably be asking her to come back.* She sounds like a hard hearted wayward to me.


Read these bits and you could see a picture of a wife who knows they made a mistake but doesn't know how to unmake it, has been given no choice, and is panicking.



MovingOn89 said:


> She moved out of the apartment the day after it happened, and back into the barracks. I gave her no choice.





MovingOn89 said:


> basically she goes back and forth from wanting to reconcile, and then straight to *forget you, I dont need you if you dont want me*. She is following script, and recently is turning it all against me. *Deep down, she wants to reconcile*, and move back home, and everything be back to normal. *But I cant do that. I dont want that.* What bothers me the most, is the lack of remorse, or concern that she shows about any of this. It is like she doesnt even care. She has cried once, but every other time, she just doesnt seem to care at all.





MovingOn89 said:


> Oh, and she told me that night, the day it happened... Although she changed her story 3-4 times throughout it all, and is still lying about most of it, she did tell me..


The point of hard sanctions up front is to force a choice and cut through the fog. But it must include the possibility of a way forward if reconciliation is an option.

Not saying the wife is necessarily decent and I agree she is probably lying, not saying OP did the wrong thing. Just giving another perspective to consider.

I don't see any sign that OP may ask wife to come back.


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## spudster

iJordan said:


> No, she eventually confessed to 'just oral' after he had calmed down. There is no reason to think that she confessed everything.
> 
> 
> 
> He has shown his wife he will not be walked over like a doormat; he has given her a reason to respect him. That does not make the reconciliation impossible.


:iagree:

If anything, his standing up for himself just increased the possibility of a successful R tenfold. 

Waywards have no respect for spouses who beg and plead and chase after them.


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## CleanJerkSnatch

spudster said:


> :iagree:
> 
> If anything, his standing up for himself just increased the possibility of a successful R tenfold.
> 
> Waywards have no respect for spouses who beg and plead and chase after them.


True, they need to be remorseful, full transparency, no contact with otherman or friends, problem is theyre army buddies and she still goes out, leaving her child at home for her husband to deal with her infidelity and continued abuse..tough situation, sounds like she trickle truthed him and is still being unfaithful, in order for this to be saved, the betraying party needs to raise the white flag and heed to the betrayed spouse and be open, full transparent, remorseful and cut ties with all negative friends and sources, if t includes facebook, to a hoss at work. WS who want reconciliation should have no trouble in deciding to want to work to gain back that trust and try to minimize the hurt. False reconciliations usually result from selfishness, i.e. blame shift and not apologizing, seeing no wrong in their actions and only in what "forced"them to pursue EA PA. Most vets on here probably never heard an "i apologize" after all the dust settles after D.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MovingOn89

Sorry, been out for the day at the pool, but I appreciate everything, and week get on later to clarify sinew things that have been said, but keep it all coming, I appreciate it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Acabado

MattMatt nailed it. She's just enjoying a new lifestyle and running away from the wife/mother role she doesn't like anymore.


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## MovingOn89

Ok guys, sorry... I am back home now... Instead of quoting everyone, I will try and catch up with all of it here... Basically, there is no R... I have no interest in that.. Second, Yes, I think in a way, she did it on purpose. She mentioned to me weeks ago that it was hard for her to come home everyday and adjust back to being a mother/wife with a family. She would leave at 4am, not be home until 7-8:30pm, and in bed by 8:30-9.. And the whole time she was home, she would complain that our son was on her nerves, she couldnt study, and just yelled, and b!tched all night.. With that being said, here is a little background on her. Before we met each other, and got together, she was one to go out and party.. ALOT.. And also, yes, I do think that she misses the "party, single woman with no responsibilities" lifestyle.. especially because when I was in the Army, we had no kid. So we partied and lived that lifestyle for 4 years.. It was great.. (married the whole time of course) But with the kid (and marriage) come responsibilities, and I think with her being in the Army, and around so many people that are single, and just want to party, she is getting sucked back into that lifestyle.. I grew out of it.. Really fast. If you saw me, or knew me, you would think I was at least 30.. I am only 23.. Needless to say, I am mature. I dont think neccessarily that she doesnt like the mother/wife lifestyle, I just think she misses the single/party lifestyle. I have no control over that.. She makes her own choices.. Sh!tty ones as of late, but again, it is completely in her own control.. I hope I didnt miss anything. If I did, ask again, or let me know.. Thanks guys(ladies if there were any) for all the responses, and info.. I greatly appreciate it.


----------



## MovingOn89

Also, no drinking today... Done with that...


----------



## Machiavelli

It's all water over the bridge now and it's uncool to beat a dead horse, but why in the hell would you stand still for your wife joining the Army, especially since you yourself knew the score? From what I hear from the youngsters, I don't think women in the military have really changed that much since the 70's, what with the human nature aspect of young, horny men and women thrown together in a stressful environment, if you get my drift? Your wife's actions would seem to confirm that.


----------



## MovingOn89

Machiavelli said:


> It's all water over the bridge now and it's uncool to beat a dead horse, but why in the hell would you stand still for your wife joining the Army, especially since you yourself knew the score? From what I hear from the youngsters, I don't think women in the military have really changed that much since the 70's, what with the human nature aspect of young, horny men and women thrown together in a stressful environment, if you get my drift? Your wife's actions would seem to confirm that.


Ok.... First, we have never (to my knowledge) had any of these problems before.. We were happily married.. Ups and downs of course, but very happily married.. Great sex life, an incredible son, etc.. We had it all going for us. After I got out of the Army in 2009, We were both working somewhat of dead end jobs.. Our son had just turned 2 when she joined (earlier this year).. And we did it to better ourselves as a family.. She is very smart, she got a great job, and was doing great... Anyway, like I said before, Once I got out of the Army, we didnt really party, or do anything like that anymore.. We had a kid.. So that is why I said she is being sucked back into the lifestyle that she WAS in(before she met me).. With regards to me "knowing the score" WE were married.. We didnt go out with all the single guys.. We lived 30 minutes from the base.. All the "partying" we did was mostly with other married couples.. And I use the word partying loosely.. It was anywhere from beers on the beach, to nights at the bar, to BBQ's at the house.. So with that being said, yes, I knew how the single Army lifestyle was, but was not involved in it. Hope that kind of clears that up.


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## Initfortheduration

Take your child, get out of Texas, nothing there for you now. Florida or Michigan. Your wife is in for a sh!t storm and a life full of regrets. Cut her loose and let consequence deal with her. If you go with either parent they will help with your son (second parent), nothing wrong with that. I vote Florida. Michigan will be b!tch in the winter with a 2 year old, and expensive with winter clothes, and time consuming winterizing him every day. Florida he can run in a bathing suit all year long. You'll find a good lady easily. Your wife prefers the skank life, that is until she wakes up. When she gets thrown out the army, she will try to R with you, to be provided for. No problem taking the boy now. But you must act before she wises up and gets a restraining order, so you can't take him out of state. Good luck.


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## MovingOn89

Ya. I agree. We are originally from Michigan, so we know what its like.. Our son was born , in January, so yes, we know how winter is.. But I have family in both states. So a of right now, I am planning a short trip to Michigan, then come back here and pack everything up, and move to Florida.. I have been wanting to move to Florida, and go to school , which the Army pays for. So I figured now is the perfect time.. Thanks for the input..
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MovingOn89

Ok, so here is a little update on my STBXW... I asked her yesterday, when the last time she talked to OM was... She flat out told me, "last week sometime." Even though this just happened last week. So I asked her again, and she said they have been talking all week. So the whole NC thing, doesnt exist in her book of scripts... After that conversation, she started with the whole, "I still care, but because you dont care, then I dont care, so if you want to work things out, I want to move back in and work them out." Uhh, no... Not going to happen. I have been asking her questions, and reading her, to see how much she actually cares, and wants to R... But she obviously doesnt.. Or she is so deep in a fog, that she has no clue how to handle this. Then this morning, she texted me and said, "This is totally up to you of course, but I want to go to counseling. I think that will help." I just told her no. Yesterday, I also tried to come up with a logical and fair agreement with the truck. I told her I would keep it during the week, when I have our son, then on the weekend, when she can come get him, she can take it.. She wanted nothing to do with that. Its her truck, so she is keeping it. She told me to get a cab if I needed to go anywhere... Ya, I am going to go grocery shopping with a 2 year old in a cab...


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## CleanJerkSnatch

MovingOn89 said:


> Ok, so here is a little update on my STBXW... I asked her yesterday, when the last time she talked to OM was... She flat out told me, "last week sometime." Even though this just happened last week. So I asked her again, and she said they have been talking all week. So the whole NC thing, doesnt exist in her book of scripts... After that conversation, she started with the whole, "I still care, but because you dont care, then I dont care, so if you want to work things out, I want to move back in and work them out." Uhh, no... Not going to happen. I have been asking her questions, and reading her, to see how much she actually cares, and wants to R... But she obviously doesnt.. Or she is so deep in a fog, that she has no clue how to handle this. Then this morning, she texted me and said, "This is totally up to you of course, but I want to go to counseling. I think that will help." I just told her no. Yesterday, I also tried to come up with a logical and fair agreement with the truck. I told her I would keep it during the week, when I have our son, then on the weekend, when she can come get him, she can take it.. She wanted nothing to do with that. Its her truck, so she is keeping it. She told me to get a cab if I needed to go anywhere... Ya, I am going to go grocery shopping with a 2 year old in a cab...


Dang thats tough. Seems shes really really deep in the fog. Reality will hit her of what she lost before she dies. Where do you get your money to buy groceries? Do you both share bank accounts?


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## MovingOn89

I get a check from VA.. I broke my back in the Army, and got medically discharged... Its not enough to live off of, or support anything, but at this specific time, it helps. But no, we dont share bank accounts.. I do have access to hers though, well did.. So last week, I took half of the money out of my sons savings account, and she told me she is going to file a police report because I stole money from her.. So anyway, I have some money.. Not much, but I do have some. I also have some things in MI to keep me busy and get some more money together.


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## MovingOn89

And just to be clear, the broken back has nothing to do with any of this... I am ok now. I never had any problems, marital or "sexual" problems because of it... I mean ya, I had to take a break in the bedroom for a while, but everything was fine. It was not an issue that is relevant to this, or my marriage at all.


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## Shamwow

Keep up your current position. You're doing everything right. Best thing is to live well and start enjoying the little things in life again. Take your son camping, read a good book, take lessons for no reason, get that motor finished so you can roll again!

I wouldn't reconcile either...she bl3w some dude in a truck (sorry to be blunt, but it is what happened, and shows absolute lack of respect for you). She made her feelings for you clear.

Take care of yourself and appreciate the good things you have. You've already done the right thing in surgically removing the malignant growth in your life...it will be hard but she will fade from your thoughts.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MovingOn89

Shamwow said:


> Keep up your current position. You're doing everything right. Best thing is to live well and start enjoying the little things in life again. Take your son camping, read a good book, take lessons for no reason, get that motor finished so you can roll again!
> 
> I wouldn't reconcile either...she bl3w some dude in a truck (sorry to be blunt, but it is what happened, and shows absolute lack of respect for you). She made her feelings for you clear.
> 
> Take care of yourself and appreciate the good things you have. You've already done the right thing in surgically removing the malignant growth in your life...it will be hard but she will fade from your thoughts.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Thanks! Ya, I am definitly standing my ground on all of this, and no need to be sorry for being blunt, It happened, and is the reason for all this.. If people were constantly beating around the bush, and candy coating things, I dont think this website would be what it is today.. I am trying to do everything I can to put my mind on vacation.. And yes, it is extremely hard, but I am doing my best at it.


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## CleanJerkSnatch

MovingOn89 said:


> Thanks! Ya, I am definitly standing my ground on all of this, and no need to be sorry for being blunt, It happened, and is the reason for all this.. If people were constantly beating around the bush, and candy coating things, I dont think this website would be what it is today.. I am trying to do everything I can to put my mind on vacation.. And yes, it is extremely hard, but I am doing my best at it.


Thats great to hear, you seem to have a good handle on the rough road. Sometimes I wish spouses would leave the betrayal etc for the soap operas.


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## MovingOn89

Ya, thanks.. Doing the best I can, given the situation
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Goldmember357

Badblood said:


> Stop drinking!! It will help you to control your temper, plus, if you are going to D, you need to keep your wits about you. Contact her CO. and explain the situation to him/her. GET A LAWYER, IMMEDIATELY!! Use your time well, document the affair, and if the OM is married or has a GF expose him, in fact, expose the affair to everybody. This is just for starters.


^^

this also divorce

poor decisions mate

best of luck


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## MovingOn89

I did... Thanks, I appreciate it.


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## keko

What was wrong with your other car?


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## Jibril

MovingOn89 said:


> Ok, so here is a little update on my STBXW... I asked her yesterday, when the last time she talked to OM was... She flat out told me, "last week sometime." Even though this just happened last week. So I asked her again, and she said they have been talking all week. So the whole NC thing, doesnt exist in her book of scripts... After that conversation, she started with the whole, "I still care, but because you dont care, then I dont care, so if you want to work things out, I want to move back in and work them out." Uhh, no... Not going to happen. I have been asking her questions, and reading her, to see how much she actually cares, and wants to R... But she obviously doesnt.. Or she is so deep in a fog, that she has no clue how to handle this. Then this morning, she texted me and said, "This is totally up to you of course, but I want to go to counseling. I think that will help." I just told her no. Yesterday, I also tried to come up with a logical and fair agreement with the truck. I told her I would keep it during the week, when I have our son, then on the weekend, when she can come get him, she can take it.. She wanted nothing to do with that. Its her truck, so she is keeping it. She told me to get a cab if I needed to go anywhere... Ya, I am going to go grocery shopping with a 2 year old in a cab...



Nevermind what she says. Take note of what she _does_.

If she truly wanted to reconcile with you, she would make it abundantly clear. She would be obsessed with trying to make things up to you, she would maintain no contact, she would agree to lend you the car, she wouldn't be out partying, etc.

Your wife is a cake-eater, and she is trying to guilt you into a false reconciliation by bullsh*tting you. "I can't R if you don't want it. I can't R if I'm not living with you at home. I can't R because France lost the Olympic basketball game," etc. 

It's all nonsense she spews to get a rise out of you. She's trying to manipulate you into reacting in a way that's favorable to her. In her mind, you were supposed to say, "Yes I do want R! Please, come home, so we can work on it! I love you, and want to give you another chance! Let me lick your boots clean, too, while we're at it!"

Good. Shoot her down. Right now, she's partying with friends and continuing her affair with her lover. Fine. Let her. Eventually, she will want to get serious with him, and in all likelihood he'll drop her like a hot potato. He wants to f*ck her, after all, not take care of her. She'll come to realize then that she made a stupid choice, and she threw away her marriage and got nothing of value for her sacrifice.

All the while, you'll have moved on. You'll be over her, probably starting up a new relationship with a woman who can appreciate you. You may very well be chilling on the beach, sipping a piña colada under the sun with her and your son, while your ex-wife leaves desperate voicemails on your phone that you'll delete without a second thought.

And all will be right with the world.


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## MovingOn89

Jibril said:


> Nevermind what she says. Take note of what she _does_.
> 
> If she truly wanted to reconcile with you, she would make it abundantly clear. She would be obsessed with trying to make things up to you, she would maintain no contact, she would agree to lend you the car, she wouldn't be out partying, etc.
> 
> Your wife is a cake-eater, and she is trying to guilt you into a false reconciliation by bullsh*tting you. "I can't R if you don't want it. I can't R if I'm not living with you at home. I can't R because France lost the Olympic basketball game," etc.
> 
> It's all nonsense she spews to get a rise out of you. She's trying to manipulate you into reacting in a way that's favorable to her. In her mind, you were supposed to say, "Yes I do want R! Please, come home, so we can work on it! I love you, and want to give you another chance! Let me lick your boots clean, too, while we're at it!"
> 
> Good. Shoot her down. Right now, she's partying with friends and continuing her affair with her lover. Fine. Let her. Eventually, she will want to get serious with him, and in all likelihood he'll drop her like a hot potato. He wants to f*ck her, after all, not take care of her. She'll come to realize then that she made a stupid choice, and she threw away her marriage and got nothing of value for her sacrifice.
> 
> All the while, you'll have moved on. You'll be over her, probably starting up a new relationship with a woman who can appreciate you. You may very well be chilling on the beach, sipping a piña colada under the sun with her and your son, while your ex-wife leaves desperate voicemails on your phone that you'll delete without a second thought.
> 
> And all will be right with the world.


YES! That is basically what is going on in my head... thanks!


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## MovingOn89

keko said:


> What was wrong with your other car?


I blew the motor up.. So I have spent the last year rebuilding it.. Kind of a hobby of mine, I like fast cars... But basically, when we moved out to TX, I had to leave the car at the shop it was at in SC to let them finish it up.. And now with all this going on, I dont have the funds to go and pick it up...


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## MovingOn89

Ok, so here is a question for anyone that can help.. I am trying to get in touch with the OM's family.. For exposure.. I know nothing about him, and the only way I was able to look into any of that was facebook. But he recently blocked me from it.. So I have no way of looking into anything.. Does anyone know of any possible way that I can look up information about him, in regards to his family, so I can contact them and tell them how much of a .................... their kid is???


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## keko

MovingOn89 said:


> I blew the motor up.. So I have spent the last year rebuilding it.. Kind of a hobby of mine, I like fast cars... But basically, when we moved out to TX, I had to leave the car at the shop it was at in SC to let them finish it up.. And now with all this going on, I dont have the funds to go and pick it up...


Are there any valuable around the house that you could sell?

What car is btw?


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## MovingOn89

keko said:


> Are there any valuable around the house that you could sell?
> 
> What car is btw?


Yes, but not nearly enough to cover the cost.... Nissan 240sx(600hp)


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## the guy

If you have his name then google it.

Use someone elses computor and go to his FB...go to the library and see if you can get on a computor and start a profile.

Have you talked to the class instructor?

Do you have someone in the schools admissions office that will help?

Start befriending some poeple that might help you out. Some one thatt has connections.

Do a reverse look up on OM phone number.


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## keko

MovingOn89 said:


> Yes, but not nearly enough to cover the cost.... Nissan 240sx(600hp)


s13 or s14?


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## MovingOn89

keko said:


> s13 or s14?


s14


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## keko

MovingOn89 said:


> s14


nice, sr20 or ka?


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## MovingOn89

the guy said:


> If you have his name then google it.
> 
> Use someone elses computor and go to his FB...go to the library and see if you can get on a computor and start a profile.
> 
> Have you talked to the class instructor?
> 
> Do you have someone in the schools admissions office that will help?
> 
> Start befriending some poeple that might help you out. Some one thatt has connections.
> 
> Do a reverse look up on OM phone number.


I was just about to make another profile and see what I could find.. And nobody in the class could help.. It is actually training for the Military that they are doing, so they cannot give any of that information out..


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## MovingOn89

keko said:


> nice, sr20 or ka?


KA-T


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## MovingOn89

Oh, so I was sitting here thinking today, and realized I forgot to put up a very important piece of information regarding all of this... It just slipped my mind with everything going on, so thought I would share... A few weeks ago, amid the questioning about the OM, I had several conversations with my wife.. She kept bringing up the idea of having an "open marriage." She said she wanted to "experiment" and was just overboard with the idea of being with another man... I was completely against it, and was not interested whatsoever. She kept bringing it up over and over... Finally she dropped it, after realizing that I wasnt going for it, and then a week later this happens... I know that is a big piece of info I missed, but it needed to be on here.. Sorry its a week late, but nevertheless, it is here now..


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## the guy

ya Ive been there, its like all the signs were there but its hard to think about the unthinkable.

Only, once the cheating is all out you start to think back about all the crap that was said and done by our WW's (wayward wife).

Its easy to blame ones self for not seeing it for what it really was, but then we are not the ones to blame when we trust our wifes so much...its our wifes that must take the blame, for there bad choice in dealing with a unhealthy marriage, or even if it was a healthy marriage it was our wifes that were broken....our only fault is having trust...and really is that even a fault?


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## MovingOn89

the guy said:


> ya Ive been there, its like all the signs were there but its hard to think about the unthinkable.
> 
> Only, once the cheating is all out you start to think back about all the crap that was said and done by our WW's (wayward wife).
> 
> Its easy to blame ones self for not seeing it for what it really was, but then we are not the ones to blame when we trust our wifes so much...its our wifes that must take the blame, for there bad choice in dealing with a unhealthy marriage, or even if it was a healthy marriage it was our wifes that were broken....our only fault is having trust...and really is that even a fault?


Yes, I agree... Looking back now, I can see a whole lot of red flags.... But like you said, I trusted her... So ya, hard to think of the unthinkable...


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## MattMatt

MovingOn89 said:


> Ok, so here is a question for anyone that can help.. I am trying to get in touch with the OM's family.. For exposure.. I know nothing about him, and the only way I was able to look into any of that was facebook. But he recently blocked me from it.. So I have no way of looking into anything.. Does anyone know of any possible way that I can look up information about him, in regards to his family, so I can contact them and tell them how much of a .................... their kid is???


Google his name.


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## MovingOn89

MattMatt said:


> Google his name.


I have been for the last few hours.. Cant come up with anything at all... I will try and talk to a few people in the class, with hope that my STBXW hasnt befriended and brainwashed them... We will see.


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## the guy

How are you going to approach?

"I think my WW and OM are sleeping around can you help me"

or

" My WW and OM were studing over at the house and he left some books over, do you have his number?"


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## MovingOn89

the guy said:


> How are you going to approach?
> 
> "I think my WW and OM are sleeping around can you help me"
> 
> or
> 
> " My WW and OM were studing over at the house and he left some books over, do you have his number?"


Everybody there knows... So like I said, it is just a matter of who she is friends with, and talks to... I have his number, I just want to get in contact with his family and expose it to them..


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## Shaggy

Have you contacted the military and notified them that your wife has abandoned the family and is not paying any family or child support?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MovingOn89

Shaggy said:


> Have you contacted the military and notified them that your wife has abandoned the family and is not paying any family or child support?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yes I have. They are in the process of handling it..


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## MovingOn89

I just got off the phone with my STBXW... She said I have to pay her back the money I took out of "her" bank account.. I took out $250 from our sons savings account.. She told me if I didnt, she was calling the police... I told her go right ahead... She got all angry, and demanded that I pay it all back.. I told her I wasnt giving her a dime... And she said she is calling the police and telling them I stole money from her account...:rofl:


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## bandit.45

Man.. is she thick or what?

You are going to be so much better off without this hag.


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## keko

MovingOn89 said:


> I just got off the phone with my STBXW... She said I have to pay her back the money I took out of "her" bank account.. I took out $250 from our sons savings account.. She told me if I didnt, she was calling the police... I told her go right ahead... She got all angry, and demanded that I pay it all back.. I told her I wasnt giving her a dime... And she said she is calling the police and telling them I stole money from her account...:rofl:


Just to be on the safe side, buy a voice recorder and keep it on yourself incase she shows up and claims false DV.


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## Acabado

The whole "open marriage" thing means she was already banging this man, JMHO. If not, she already targeted back then this particular OM/classmate, way before telling you a think. She was just pushing you to accept it without having to be divorced, just in case. You didn't cave but she did it anyway (becuase obviously she f0cked it). In her mind she was already divorced when you didn't accepted being a cuckold.
Well... take care of you child, she's not going to do it. Move on.


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## Shamwow

Intelius.com, spokeo.com

Intelius you have to pay 5 bucks to get his info if you have his cell, and for me it turned out about 60% results
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MadeInMichigan

Wow. Tell her the money you "stole" was for cab fare and groceries to feed HER SON. 

WTF. Princess party girl. You're doing good. Get the VAR like someone suggested.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MovingOn89

keko said:


> Just to be on the safe side, buy a voice recorder and keep it on yourself incase she shows up and claims false DV.


I already have her admitting to everything recorded on my phone, and the last 2 times she has came to the house to drop our son off, and take the truck, I have turned it on, and got all of our conversations... So I already got that covered. :smthumbup:


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## bandit.45

Good job. Keep doing that.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MovingOn89

Thanks Bandit... Ok, so now, she told me she is not going to pay rent.. She said she will pay some, and I will be responsible for the rest... I have not responded to her, and have been advised to "go dark" I am planning on making a trip to MI in the next few days.. I will be taking all the important stuff out of the apartment, and putting it into a storage unit for the time being.. So once she finds out Im gone, and the stuff is not here, she cant destroy it, or try to take it.. Then, I will come back to TX, for enough time to pack it all up and head to FL.. So basically, any advice would be good on the subject of going "dark." I am not going to answer any more of her phone calls, or texts.. What other steps should be taken?? or any other advice is greatly appreciated..


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## MovingOn89

She also told me she is done trying... Told me if I want divorce, then thats fine.. She said she has been trying to make things work, and make an effort in the last week to R scratchhead:..... uh.....:rofl.. And that if I was not interested in R, then she wasnt either..


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## keko

While her affair is still strong, get a child custody order in place.


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## MovingOn89

Child custody is not a big issue here, because with her being in training, she cannot be a single mother, and have custody of our son. So I have him.. And with us still technically being married, she cant do anything about it. But with that being said, in the time I have to wait to file for divorce, I will dig deeper into that, and work on getting all that done..


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## Acabado

You are doing just fine. Comunicate only with texts-email, be careful with what you type. Don't answer inmediately, think for a while. Limit your exchanges to children/money. Don't volunter any info.
I have no idea about it but I'm thinking, if she's dischargued (even before really entering) custody would change. Maybe it's in your interest let her be in the military so you get full custody.


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## MadeInMichigan

I agree. She may even have to pay you child support.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MovingOn89

Yes. As far as being discharged, It may take up to a year for all the UCMJ action to happen... Not to mention with the military, there has to be concrete evidence of "penis in vagina" as far as adultery goes.. So she may end up just getting off with the drunk driving charges, and remain in the Army. With no rank of course, and a DUI that will stay with her throughout her Military career...So, with all that, divorce is only 4 months away. Yes, I know it takes time after I file, but I have some time to work out custody-type details.. At this point, it is toward the end of the list, because I have him and she cant do anything about it.. So I am pretty safe... Not to mention, her Commanding Officer who is helping me with all this, is a 2x BS, and has been divorced twice. Needless to say, he can relate to everything that is going on, and that only improves my chances of making her life a complete heIl..


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## Shamwow

Crazy, huh? She's partying with singles and banging another guy and says she's "trying" to make it work. You are now 2 steps ahead of her, keep it that way.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MovingOn89

Thanks.. I am trying to stay 10 steps ahead of her..


----------



## MovingOn89

Ok... So I just got 4 texts from my STBXW... This is word for word what she texted me..
"And by the way. I am going to counseling. Was waiting on you, figured you werent going to join me. It was a one way effort. But at this point, I am giving in. Do what you want. I cant be happy in life. I miss you, and wish I could have you. But its not in our future. I get it. I just really dont want to fight anymore. Ill stop calling. But please let me skype (our son) when you can. And I'd like to see him when you can make time."


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## Shamwow

Good. Progress. Don't respond, other than saying of course she can Skype w your son.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## MovingOn89

and as far as the counseling thing goes, she texted me this morning and asked if I wanted to go to counseling.. I told her "No.. My future does not include you, so therefore, no need for counseling." and I told her she needed to go to counseling for herself, because she needs help.


----------



## MovingOn89

Shamwow said:


> Good. Progress. Don't respond, other than saying of course she can Skype w your son.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yes, I have been firm in the fact that I can not and will not keep our son from her.. She doesnt necessarily know that I will get full custody.. But that is one thing I have told her throughout this, is that we can be mutual about our son.. I know she is his mother, and I cant take that from her. She will just have to make more of an effort on her part to see him when she can.


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## Shaggy

Why can't you go after her pay ? She abandoned her son, and I thought the military came down hard in such cases?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MattMatt

the guy said:


> How are you going to approach?
> 
> "I think my WW and OM are sleeping around can you help me"
> 
> or
> 
> " My WW and OM were studing over at the house and he left some books over, do you have his number?"


Ask the tutor or her commanding officer?


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## Wanting1

She has to use the BAH to pay the rent. If she doesn't, you can contact her CO and force the issue. It's great that the CO is cooperating. I saw a case where an E-5 got busted down for adultery to E-4. He got 45/45 Article 15. The girl he was messing with was an E-3 who got 7/7 and lost one rank. His wasn't the first case of adultery in our unit. But the difference was....His wife found out and was pissed. She made big waves. And he paid for his indiscretion. All this went down within 2 months also. Didn't take a year.


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## MovingOn89

Shaggy said:


> Why can't you go after her pay ? She abandoned her son, and I thought the military came down hard in such cases?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I can.. If rent is not payed today, I will be calling her CO..



MattMatt said:


> Ask the tutor or her commanding officer?


I did.. But even in this case, they cant give the information out about the soldiers.. It sucks, but its a privacy law..



Wanting a Strong Marriage said:


> She has to use the BAH to pay the rent. If she doesn't, you can contact her CO and force the issue. It's great that the CO is cooperating. I saw a case where an E-5 got busted down for adultery to E-4. He got 45/45 Article 15. The girl he was messing with was an E-3 who got 7/7 and lost one rank. His wasn't the first case of adultery in our unit. But the difference was....His wife found out and was pissed. She made big waves. And he paid for his indiscretion. All this went down within 2 months also. Didn't take a year.


Yes she does.. And like I said ^^^, if it isnt paid today, then I will be forcing the issue with her CO. And the investigation is starting this week.. If they think they can get adultery to stick, then it will turn into a 15-6, formal investigation.. Thats when lawyers get involved, MP's, etc... Then it takes more time.. And if they decide to keep pressing for adultery, it will take more time.. Her CO just said it could take up to a year, but it sounds like you know how the military works, so it could be a year, or a week... If they decide that they cant charge adultery, then they will charge her with DUI.. I know she will lose rank, and hopefully alot worse then 45/45... So yes, if its just a company grade art. 15, then it wont take much time at all. There is alot hanging in the balance right now with this investigation from her unit.. Like I said, her CO is interviewing everyone involved this week.. I will definitly keep updating on here how that goes..


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## the guy

Like bandito mentioned, stay 2 steps a head of her, and the best way to stay ten steps ahead of her is to stay dark.

Why risk letting your emotions get the best of you...she will push your buttons and who knows what information or tactic you have that could be released during a heatted conversation you have with her.

So, less contact, less chance of letting some info slip when it comes to your game plan. Hold your cards close and stay away from STBXW.


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## MovingOn89

Ya, thats the plan now.. I am actually very careful when it comes to "slipping"... Very careful... But as of now, I will be in MI by the weekend, my stuff in the apartment will be in storage, and she will be getting tsunamied for the next week. Once this investigation starts, and I get to MI and expose it to everyone there... ALL of her family is there, so they will ALL be hearing from me.. On top of that, she will find out that I am in MI with our son... And this whole time, I will be like a ninja.. I will be in the shadows.. I will be dark.. I seem to have been in a great mood these last few days if you cant tell..


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## CleanJerkSnatch

MovingOn89 said:


> Ya, thats the plan now.. I am actually very careful when it comes to "slipping"... Very careful... But as of now, I will be in MI by the weekend, my stuff in the apartment will be in storage, and she will be getting tsunamied for the next week. Once this investigation starts, and I get to MI and expose it to everyone there... ALL of her family is there, so they will ALL be hearing from me.. On top of that, she will find out that I am in MI with our son... And this whole time, I will be like a ninja.. I will be in the shadows.. I will be dark.. I seem to have been in a great mood these last few days if you cant tell..


Oh, I think we know you are in a good mood. Now that you've become a member of the league of shadows, try not to avoid taking any roller coaster rides on the emotional train, you'll have ups and downs, stay strong, find some stability with a job if you can, or study, I know you mentioned you would do that. Rare to have smart OP's


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## MovingOn89

Ya, I try to keep it out of my head, but it sneaks in there on occasion, and I get angry... But it doesnt stay long... My inner ninja kicks in and my medulla oblongata karate chops all the negativity out of my head! But yes, I have some things that I can do in the meantime to keep my mind occupied. Cant really get a job now, but in the future, once I get back from MI, I am planning on going to an Auto Tech school in FL... As far as the emotions go, I dont think the mind movies will ever go away, but I will do what I can to limit them.. Oh, and luckily I got my smarts from my dad...


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## Unsure in Seattle

Good job, brother- you sound like you have all of your ducks in a row. Best of luck to you and your boy.


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## MovingOn89

Thank you.. I still have a long way to go.. But as of now, I feel pretty good..


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## CleanJerkSnatch

Things always go bad and worse before getting any tad better. Keep perservering, and be prepared. Keep us posted.


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## MovingOn89

I most definitly will. Thanks guys..


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## MovingOn89

Got my tickets to MI! I'll be out of here Friday!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Initfortheduration

She may not have custody. But she can sure as hell keep you from leaving the state with your son. Which will pin you down. If I may make a suggestion. Go from MI to Fl directly. Then leave your son in Fl and go back to TX without telling her to empty the storage unit. She has to believe that you are gone for good. Let her think you are still in Fl. Once you leave Texas with your boy, DO NOT GO BACK WITH HIM. You leaving without telling her will give her a heads up, so when you come back she can have you served so you can't take your son out state.


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## MovingOn89

Initfortheduration said:


> She may not have custody. But she can sure as hell keep you from leaving the state with your son. Which will pin you down. If I may make a suggestion. Go from MI to Fl directly. Then leave your son in Fl and go back to TX without telling her to empty the storage unit. She has to believe that you are gone for good. Let her think you are still in Fl. Once you leave Texas with your boy, DO NOT GO BACK WITH HIM. You leaving without telling her will give her a heads up, so when you come back she can have you served so you can't take your son out state.


Yes, you make a very good point... But I already thought of that.. lol.. I am going to leave my son in MI with my parents when I go back to TX.. They already arranged for it.. So once I leave MI, I will come back to TX for just enough time to pack up(3days-week), then rent a UHAUL, and go to FL.. Once I get to FL, I will fly back to MI and pick my son up, then fly back to FL... I have no plans on coming back to TX.. Hell, I may even file for divorce(fault) in FL after I have been there 6 months.. Make it that much harder for her, because she will be at another duty station for more training, and not in TX.. Thanks for the advice!! On another note, I went a somewhat of an emotional roller coaster ride yesterday.. Basically went from happy, and in a good mood.. To thinking about her again.. This time I didnt get angry.. I got upset and depressed.. Just the thought that I wasted the last 7-8 years of my life with this woman.. Why would she have that little respect for me and our son, after everything we have done and been through, and throw it all away in a matter of 4 hours.. But I am doing a better today.. Havent thought about it much, and I have been busy packing stuff up to take it to storage. So that is kind of keeping me occupied.. Guess you could say Im in a good mood..


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## MovingOn89

Oh, and the storage unit is for me.. I am putting all the valuble things in the house in it.. Because once she finds out Im gone, she will be at the apartment trying to destroy, or take everything.. So I am doing that for my safety.. She will have no idea where the stuff is at, or how to get to it.. I am not emptying the apartment, just the important stuff...


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## ShootMePlz!

She can go to a judge and can make you bring the boy back until custody is settled. Judges don't like this move and it will come up again during settlement/cusdtody. Be prepared! 

Her being military can work against her getting primary custody due to her being transient but she will be kicked out or at least denied re-enlistment so she may resurface.


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## MovingOn89

Ya, and I have checked with her commander, and with legal, and there is nothing wrong with what I'm doing.. I am simply going to visit my family..
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## TDSC60

ShootMePlz! said:


> She can go to a judge and can make you bring the boy back until custody is settled. Judges don't like this move and it will come up again during settlement/cusdtody. Be prepared!
> 
> Her being military can work against her getting primary custody due to her being transient but she will be kicked out or at least denied re-enlistment so she may resurface.


She took the only means of transportation and refused to allow him to even use it to go buy food for himself and the child. Basically told him to take a bus when he asked about it.

He is going to his family so he can get some support and help for himself and his child.

No judge is going to make him return to a place where he has no support and no transportation. Nothing illegal about visiting his family while she is living in the barracks on base.


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## MovingOn89

Yes, exactly..
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MovingOn89

So.. Last night I got a surprise visit from my STBXW... She showed up out of the blue at about 6:30pm.. She said she just wanted to talk... So we started talking, and wow... She started off by wanting to know why I had boxes packed.. Where I going, what I was doing, who Ive been talking to... Just 21 questions.. I answered none of them.. Then she tried to justify everything she did.. She then followed script to a T, and tried turning me into the bad guy, saying it was all my fault.. She said that over the last few months, with her being in basic training, and now being in school everyday, it caused me to become very jealous.. So the first chance I had to get out of the marriage, I took it... I couldnt believe she was saying this... I told her everything I am doing, every action I am taking, and every decision I am making are a direct result of her cheating.. That is it.. She did this. It was her choice, her actions.. Not mine.. I stood my ground very firmly.. I then kept giving her hints to leave.. Then as she was leaving, she started balling her eyes out.. saying how sorry she was, how much of a ***** and a **** she is, and just wanted to know what to do to make things right.. I almost started laughing, but said nothing.. I just kept staring at the door.. So she left.. Then called me, saying she just wanted to hear my voice, and then tried calling me 3-4 other times, but I didnt answer. She then texted me, saying she is not going to stop trying. She then texted me 2-3 pictures that she had of us on her phone.. Saying that she just wants to make things right.. I threw up in my mouth a little.. But anyway.. Feeling good today.. Have to get all my stuff in storage, then I will be out of here early tomorrow morning..


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## Shaggy

Fantastic job staying focused and in control. Feels good the next morning doesn't it?

Remember this feeling and next encounter use it to motivate you to do it again,


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## Unsure in Seattle

Stay strong. You're doing just fine. You handled the situation perfectly.


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## MovingOn89

Thanks guys.. And ya, it does feel good..
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Kallan Pavithran

She will come back again to manipulate TT and cry, be strong dont loose your ground.


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## southern wife

Moving, have some fun with your son this weekend, and have a safe trip. You're doing a great job at all of this and maintaining (or so it seems) your stress levels. Keep up the good work!


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## MovingOn89

Kallan Pavithran said:


> She will come back again to manipulate TT and cry, be strong dont loose your ground.


Ya, she has been all day.. She has been texting me all day, and tried to call 4 times.. My mom, dad, step mom, sister, and a few friends have told me that she has been calling them too. After seeing everything packed last night, she does not know what I am doing, and she doesnt know what to do about it. So she is calling around to find out if anyone knows my "plans" or what Im doing.. She has been sending me pictures all day, saying I love you, I miss you, I dont want to lose you, blah blah blah... She told me she really wants me to go to counseling, and AA with her... I also found out that she has been going on my phone record, and calling every number she doesnt recognize.. Like I am the WS!!! Haha, She texted me asking who I have been talking to, what are all these numbers and so on... Needless to say, I am more then excited to get out of here for a while.. Take my mind off of everything, and just relax for a while.. I may not be on here for the next few days, because I am taking my computer to storage, but keep the advice, info, responses, criticism, etc.. coming.. I can check the site from my phone, but I will be back on as soon as I can.. Thanks to all you guys for everything so far. It really means alot to me, and has helped me 110% Not only with the advice, but with keeping my emotions in check, and staying 2 steps ahead of her..:smthumbup:


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## Jibril




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## MovingOn89

:lol: :iagree: :rofl:


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## southern wife

How did she get access to your phone records?


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## MovingOn89

I'm on her mother in laws family plan.. So she went in and changed all the passwords so only she could see it..I have been on that plan for the last 7 years.. But I'm in the process today of getting off of it.. Not a big deal..
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Kasler

I tip my hat to you sir. 

If only more BSs had the balls to do the same.


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## kenmoore14217

Your wife may in fact what to end your relationship with her, but on her terms, not yours. That will piss her off. Good job my man !!


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## Chaparral

MovingOn89 said:


> Ya, she has been all day.. She has been texting me all day, and tried to call 4 times.. My mom, dad, step mom, sister, and a few friends have told me that she has been calling them too. After seeing everything packed last night, she does not know what I am doing, and she doesnt know what to do about it. So she is calling around to find out if anyone knows my "plans" or what Im doing.. She has been sending me pictures all day, saying I love you, I miss you, I dont want to lose you, blah blah blah... She told me she really wants me to go to counseling, and AA with her... I also found out that she has been going on my phone record, and calling every number she doesnt recognize.. Like I am the WS!!! Haha, She texted me asking who I have been talking to, what are all these numbers and so on... Needless to say, I am more then excited to get out of here for a while.. Take my mind off of everything, and just relax for a while.. I may not be on here for the next few days, because I am taking my computer to storage, but keep the advice, info, responses, criticism, etc.. coming.. I can check the site from my phone, but I will be back on as soon as I can.. Thanks to all you guys for everything so far. It really means alot to me, and has helped me 110% Not only with the advice, but with keeping my emotions in check, and staying 2 steps ahead of her..:smthumbup:


The packed boxes said it all. Her fantasy for an open marriage has brought her life crashing down. Now, she gets it. I really pity her.

Its hard telling how long she has been wanting to change her life style but she didn't realize this is what she wished for and how it sucks. She didn't think you could leave her.

Good luck and Prayers


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## iJordan

MovingOn89 said:


> Then as she was leaving, she started balling her eyes out.. saying how sorry she was, how much of a ***** and a **** she is, and just wanted to know what to do to make things right.. I almost started laughing, but said nothing.. I just kept staring at the door.. So she left.. Then called me, saying she just wanted to hear my voice, and then tried calling me 3-4 other times, but I didnt answer. She then texted me, saying she is not going to stop trying. She then texted me 2-3 pictures that she had of us on her phone.. Saying that she just wants to make things right.. I threw up in my mouth a little.. But anyway.. Feeling good today.. Have to get all my stuff in storage, then I will be out of here early tomorrow morning..


Vindication. Glorious vindication. 

Stay strong and don't buckle.


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## MovingOn89

Thanks.. ya, and when she goes to the apartment tomorrow, and sees that its empty, and were gone, her world is going to turn upside down.. Not that it already has.. But that well surely send a message..
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## keko

Will she be able to move near you after you relocate to FL? Or just visit your son once in a while?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MovingOn89

Ya, she could be. Its up to the army where she goes, but it will be somewhere on the east coast.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Chaparral

It sound like her staying in the army would be a blessing. Out of the army she can demand custody.


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## MovingOn89

Ya, she will stay in the army.. Her commander said they can't charge her with adultery, but they can for sexual misconduct, disobeying a lawful order, and breaking policy.. So she will still have disciplinary action against her, but she won't be discharged.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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