# Why isn't prerecorded porn good enough?



## Artsy (Feb 1, 2013)

About 2 weeks before our wedding I discovered that he was watching live web cams of girls. I told him what I saw and how it really bothered me. He said that he wouldn't do it anymore since now he knows that it hurts me. 

Now after the marriage I'm discovering he's still watching them, even now to the extent to using his phone instead..which is weird to me, (screen is so small). When I brought it up again, that I thought he knew it hurt me and he was going to stop...and he claims again that he'll be done with it. I told him, that I don't mind prerecorded porn...but the LIVE web cams just seemed to real to me..too personal and only my imagination goes into wondering if he's talking to them or paying I don't call this cheating, but if I knew something I did, hurt him emotionally in anyway...I would stop doing it because I love him and don't want to hurt his feelings...whatever it may be. 

Why is prerecorded porn not enough for him?

*Since he now knows, I snoop and look at his phone's internet and his computer history..it's always wiped clean. Nothing to see. Obviously cleared. That's what I get for snooping I guess. I've stopped now, since it was just hurting me more. 

I've considered just letting it go, and accepting it..cause really what else is there? Because I've heard the saying: "you tell a guy NOT to do something, and it just makes it more appealing." And I don't want to be a nagging wife.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Artsy said:


> I've considered just letting it go, and accepting it..cause really what else is there? Because I've heard the saying: "you tell a guy NOT to do something, and it just makes it more appealing." And I don't want to be a nagging wife.


This is called RUGSWEEPING and is a huge NO NO!!!

I know you read my story  There's another link in my sig for CWI newbies - have a look at that one too. You need to know the stuff in there, unfortunately.

The fact he has locked you out means that he is still cheating. Because webcam girls is cheating. What do you think they talk about - the weather??

You need to tell him that he either opens up his life to you COMPLETELY or his ass is on the curb. He is cheating on you and lying to you. You do NOT have to put up with it.

Oh, and get STD tested too.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Unless he is willing to open everything up to you - WILLING to, so that you do not have to snoop any more - his behaviour will not stop and you need to be prepared to end the relationship.


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## Artsy (Feb 1, 2013)

I'm sure he's still watching them, and just hiding it from me allot better now. Other than this one thing he does, he's an amazing husband to me. He's always there for me whenever, he says and does the best things. He doesn't really initiate sex as often as he used to, which I contribute to the stress he's going through at work. So, I figure because of that, it's probably way easier/faster for him to take care of himself with out me. Which is sad to me, never thought we'd be at this stage only 4 months into the marriage.

I knew he watched porn when we dated, but never did I know about web cam business...that's a whole new world to me, especially didn't think it could be free. But I went on the site, and it's free to just watch and wait for other guys to pay the girls. He says that's all he did. Hmmmm, trust just isn't there like it used to be.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

This is like an EA with dozens of women. It is not a good start.

Some of those women are in relationships, got kids, etc., so he is facilitating their cheating on their spouses. Ask him how he feels about cyber-cuckolding their spouses?


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## Artsy (Feb 1, 2013)

Good Point! But I'm just guessing here, that will probably not bother him. I've half joked, half threatened him with the idea of ME going to go watch men on web cams and doing it secretly or myself being a web cam girl, and he said he didn't mind.  But I wonder if that is just him putting up a "i don't care" attitude just to make whatever he does not as big of a deal. Who knows.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Saying he's otherwise such a great guy is like saying someone is healthy except for that cancerous tumor they have.

If he isn't willing to stop and to open up to you, he WILL keep cheating, and escalate, if he hasn't already.


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## Artsy (Feb 1, 2013)

He's told me that he doesn't have anything to hide, so he leaves his phone out allot, when he's in the shower and whatnot. Also, his facebook password and stuff is always automatically inputted, so I could go in anytime I want. So all that is open...the only one thing he does is hide internet history from me...which is so irritating- computer and his phone. I can't prove or disprove anything now. So, do I tell him- "so, I've been looking at your internet again, and it seems like you keep wiping the history...what's up with that?" 

I would actually go there, just wondering if I want to resort to that. This is my second marriage, I want to pick my battles wisely. Not saying what he's doing is ok. It's only going to make me look like some suspicious, low self esteemed, nagging wife. And I really don't want him thinking of me that way. I've had this happen to me before in the past with boyfriends.  I want him to think of me as a strong, confident woman. I'm just torn, I guess.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

You can put a keylogger on his computer, then you'll know for sure. And/or spyware on his phone. That's probably what I would do.

OR

You sit him down and say

"look. I don't like that you look at webcam girls. I know you said you'd stop, but now I see your internet history is wiped, and that bothers me. I can't tell if you're still doing it. You lied to me in the past about it, so yeah, I DON'T trust you now. You are going to have to earn my trust back. Because I don't want to live with someone I cannot trust, and I DO want to live with YOU.

So here's what we're gonna do. I am going to need to see your phone and browser history. Whenever I ask. No questions asked by you. I NEED this. I also need the entire truth from you. I am going to give you this one chance to tell me everything. Whatever you tell me today can and will eventually be forgiven. but if I find out something else tomorrow, that you still hid from me, then it's over. Because I have GOT to be able to trust you."

You CANNOT just let this go. This is toxic stuff. If you rugsweep this, you'll be back here in a year or less lamenting about how he has now progressed to something worse.


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## Artsy (Feb 1, 2013)

I like your idea about just talking to him and saying how I need to see his web history, to get back to trusting him. It IS toxic stuff. Can lead to much bigger issues. Thank you for reading all these and giving me your feedback


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Then hold him to it, too.

He also has to realize that this happens for as long as YOU need it. He doesn't get a say in it. He screwed up, now it's up to HIM to fix this.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Artsy said:


> Good Point! But I'm just guessing here, that will probably not bother him. I've half joked, half threatened him with the idea of ME going to go watch men on web cams and doing it secretly or myself being a web cam girl, and he said he didn't mind.  But I wonder if that is just him putting up a "i don't care" attitude just to make whatever he does not as big of a deal. Who knows.


If he really doesn't care may I make a suggestion using my typical, quiet, unassuming British manner?

*Run away! Now Leave him! Quick!* 



Seriously. You need a husband. You haven't got one at the moment. Send him back to the manufacturers (annulment) and get one that hasn't somehow had his psyche jammed at 18...


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

Hope1964 said:


> Saying he's otherwise such a great guy is like saying someone is healthy except for that cancerous tumor they have.
> If he isn't willing to stop and to open up to you, he WILL keep cheating, and *escalate*, if he hasn't already.


:iagree:

Keylogger, spyware.


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## Calling All Angels (Jan 3, 2013)

Any kind of porn is bad and will lead to worse activity. My H has been looking at porn since he was a teenager. He just turned 50 and I found porn with a title "Teen Treats" volumes 1-5 along with 100 others. I had enough and threw them in the trash!!!I also got into his phone and saw calls to Saharah and checked out the number and it's to a strip club a mile from here. He would call and go there every week while I was picking up the kids from school from 3:00 to 4:30. Then I found in his cell phone records that he was also calling massage parlors every Sunday and would stop there for a "happy ending" before he came home. He is also doing the live video like your H and this has RUINED our marriage and sex life. I am tall and pretty like you and after 20 years I wish I would have not married him. He watched porn when we were dating and after we were married he continued to watch it. My 10 year old daughter clicked on the history on day after he was using the computer and her whole world FELL APART. She will NEVER forget what she saw and thinks her dad is a creep. She went from an A student to D's and F's and it took a year of therapy to help her. But she still hates her dad. I'm filing for divorce, am a stay at home mom and am 47 years old. I get to start all over BECAUSE PORN DESTROYED MY FAMILY! It is an addiction and it will get worse! DO NOT LET THIS HAPPEN TO YOU!


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Where is it written that a woman can't be a Knight In Shinning Armor searching for the Holy Grail?

As we traders are fond of saying* 'THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS THE HOLY GRAIL"*


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

morituri said:


> Where is it written that a woman can't be a Knight In Shinning Armor searching for the Holy Grail?
> 
> As we traders are fond of saying* 'THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS THE HOLY GRAIL"*


Morituri, you just made me picture women wearing chainmail. Oops!

Do *not *Google that!!!! Oh... go on then!:rofl:


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

MattMatt said:


> Morituri, you just made me picture women wearing chainmail. Oops!
> 
> Do *not *Google that!!!! Oh... go on then!:rofl:


At the risk of sounding Machiavellian, our relationships may not be stocks, nor options nor commodities but as time goes by, I am more inclined to believe that we would be better of if we would treat them as such.


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## Vanguard (Jul 27, 2011)

Why doesn't he want porn of you? You look beautiful.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

No offense, but you say he doesn't initiate sex and you're blaming his work related stress. But he has the sexual desire to watch porn? 

My bet... He's not initiating sex because he's spanking the monkey regularly. And it's only going to get worse in time. 

C


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## Tigger (Dec 5, 2007)

Put a keylogger on his machine.

I think he is testing you. He thinks eventually you'll just be quiet about it and he can go back to his self service.

He isn't tired from work. He is busy polishing the dolphin.

I also think he is calling your bluff about you watching nude men. He'd have a different story if you really did do it. He just doesn't think you will.

I think you need to be firm.

Are you willing to leave him over this? If not, then I would drop it.


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## Artsy (Feb 1, 2013)

Thank you WhiteMousse  but, sure that was the case when we dated...but now..nope. 
I DO think it must be that he's taking care of himself too much, using webcams. But why? Why not JUST regular free porn online? Or why not come to me? I don't know...it's a mystery until he decides he wants to be open with me. His computer and phone aren't locked at all, I can always get in, it's just his history is always erased when I think to look. 
Good question...Am I willing to leave him for this? No, I am if it escalates to talking to them and or paying. That's what I'm afraid of. There's no way I'll be able to find out if he is really. We don't share a joint account. We decided to keep money separate. I liked having some guys opinion on it. I think he IS jerking off too much, must be.


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## highwood (Jan 12, 2012)

Try downloading on the computer an "indexdat" free software..you can review it and then delete it off the computer. Index dat are all the files that were viewed on the internet even if they were deleted from history.


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## Artsy (Feb 1, 2013)

Wow! Thank you! I had no idea there was something out there like that. I'm going to give it a try next chance I get. Although I'm sure I'll find the same thing I'm paranoid about.

I actually just checked his cell's internet..automatically goes to "google", then I push the "back" button, and the live web cam stuff shows up. He KNOWS how much it hurts, and yet he keeps watching it.  Just sad to know, if he thinks he can get away with it, even if it hurts me...he'll keep doing something. 

He went on a long, loud rant and how I can trust him from here on out and he'll never look at them again. I told him "how can I trust you?" since this was the second time I noticed him doing it...and he said, just time, and proof of him not watching. Geez, I believed too easily. I hate that the trust has been lost.


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

He not only has a porn addiction, it looks TO ME like he is compartmentalizing wh0res (cam girls) & Madonnas (you). Since he was sexual enough w you before marriage it's something about "commitment" that set him off.

What are your plans once you get more info - if you get a keylogger? You already tried talking to him. You need to formulate a plan that doesn't include an argument. 

Look up "porn addiction" and see if there are therapists in your area. You might want to give one a call for information and see how long it takes to arrange for an appointment. Find out the type of therapy involved, then decide if you want to continue. 

Because Artsy, this ain't going away. It may go underground i.e.. he suddenly has to go out of town, fishing, bowling, etc. Next thing you know he's at massage parlors etc. Of course I'm going strictly by your post. If he is just reading erotica and the cam girls are popup or if he is doing it openly it's not bad. 

It's the hidden nature of "being bad" that is troubling.


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## Artsy (Feb 1, 2013)

I was thinking porn addiction as well. Since he's not stopping even when we've had our fights about it. Also, since he has a tough time "finishing" when we have sex...it usually ends up him helping himself his his hand, to finish the "job". I didn't want to go as graphic as that previously, but the more I think about it...the more it's sounding like he's more accustom to doing it himself with webcams then actual real sex with me. So, that's no good at all. Thanks for your advice and taking time


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

Artsy said:


> ...Also, since he has a tough time "finishing" when we have sex...it usually ends up him helping himself his his hand, to finish the "job"....


Can't see anyone putting up with this in a marriage. This might go on after many years but NOW? When you're essentially on your honeymoon? Yikes. (especially if he is not satisfying you in that dept)

IF he loves you he has to recognize that a problem exists. You should arm yourself with info for either of these:
1) how to deal, through therapy, with the issue
2) divorce laws or reasons for annulment - in many states the inability to perform is cause for annulment - otherwise look into the mechanics of divorce in your state. 

I'm not advocating divorce at this juncture, but you should be familiar with the process since it could very well be in your future if he doesn't either accept that a problem exists or doesn't respond to therapy. 

The tone of your marriage is being set during this time so be very careful about what you are willing to accept.


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

He has a problem. Insist on full transparency.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

So what are you going to do???

You say you won't leave him unless it escalates, but then you say you would never know if it did.

If he has a sex addiction - because that is what a porn addiction is - it WILL escalate. There is no 'if'.

The fact he is angry with you for snooping PROVES he has something to hide. 

And I asked this before and you didn't answer. What exactly is it you think he does with these webcam girls??

I can tell you exactly what he does, because my husband did the same things. They HAVE SEX. He sits there with his penis in his hand pretending that it's inside the webcam girls vagina, and he has an orgasm. You don't think that's cheating?? And what do you think he thinks about while he's doing that? It isn't you. He probably also uses the images from the webcams for shower sex with himself too.


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## Artsy (Feb 1, 2013)

To- Walkonmars, You're right, since this is so early into the marriage, anything now will definitely be setting the tone of the marriage and what I'm willing to look past now...he'll think it's ok for here on out  I've told him twice this isn't right with me, the second time I cried and put up way more of a fuss than I ever do...and HE gets mad at ME (then I feel like a total insecure woman). At first anyways. Then once I calm down and tell him my feelings calmly, he starts calming down. I feel like I have to stop it now, it's just...I've tried. He knows what he's doing isn't right and he still does it. I haven't called him out on it again yet, but I could've on Saturday. I check his phone the next day and it's gone...the history on his phone, and the site. 

To- Hope1964: I DO know what he does with the web cam girls, that's obvious...and that's what saddens and hurts me. Because he's going to them allot more than me. I worry if he's already tired of me, or doesn't think I'm attractive anymore. Of course all kinds of things pop into my head. I won't know if he's talking to them or paying. I'm going to use a certain program to look at his erased computer history if I can do it right. 

So, as of now that's what I'm going to do. Search more on his computer and see if I can check out the erased history and then talk to him again about it. I just HATE bringing it up.  It's kind of scary, cause then he gets mad back, which is so weird to me. Well, I guess he's probably mad that I keep catching him. AND keep snooping. He knows I snoop. 

To-Richie33: I don't understand what full transparency means.


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## triggerhappy (Oct 14, 2012)

Does his just watching "regular porn" honestly not bother you anymore after finding out all this other behavior?


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## Artsy (Feb 1, 2013)

I also do find it cheating. I different form, but it's such a different way...and such a fine line from physically cheating with another. Because the mental aspect is pretty much there for me. Then after I find that he keeps doing this, I don't feel as good with him now  when he touches me, or says sweet things to me...it's ruined. 

That's the only way I can describe it. And in that way, he ALMOST might has well physically cheated. Just from the damage it caused with me, mentally. Now I see him so differently.  I see him like all the other guys who have done me wrong when I was just dating. Especially loosing trust I had with him. Being sexual with him is going to be difficult because I wonder if he's just being with me out of obligation or he's fantasizing about some web cam girl. Just really sucks.


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## Artsy (Feb 1, 2013)

The "regular" porn I'm not happy with, no. In a perfect world, I would be with a man who never watched it. But I'd take him watching prerecorded porn over live webcam girls. If I had to choose. 

I just turned 30, and I have dated allot of guys before this...i never met a guy who didn't watch porn. I just thought that was that. I DO wonder if there's men who really doing watch it. Cause when I guy tells me he doesn't, I have a hard time believing I guess. Since you never truly know what a person does in the privacy of their home. Maybe that's a trust issue lol who knows


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## triggerhappy (Oct 14, 2012)

Artsy said:


> The "regular" porn I'm not happy with, no. In a perfect world, I would be with a man who never watched it. But I'd take him watching prerecorded porn over live webcam girls. If I had to choose.
> 
> I just turned 30, and I have dated allot of guys before this...i never met a guy who didn't watch porn. I just thought that was that. I DO wonder if there's men who really doing watch it. Cause when I guy tells me he doesn't, I have a hard time believing I guess. Since you never truly know what a person does in the privacy of their home. Maybe that's a trust issue lol who knows


Honey, sweetie... there are men out there who will respect you and not watch it. 

I too dated a lot of guys hooked on it because we live in a porn saturated society, but you don't have to choose one over the other. You CAN choose he NOT watch any porn whatsoever. I am now married to a wonderful man who would never dream of doing that to me...to us.

You are worth more than that. You don't have to be afraid to say no to porn in your relationship.


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## Artsy (Feb 1, 2013)

Thank you  

Well, I'll put up another fight about it. I've told my self this is it, with the marriage, you know? I don't want to divorce. I stupidly married real young at 20 yrs old, and was divorced at 24. Now just married at 30...thinking I know better by now- I'm not willing to give up just yet. So, I'll fight for what I need. And yes, if he truly loves me like he says...he better start changing his routine. Cause I'm not afraid of divorce, but I really don't want another one.


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## triggerhappy (Oct 14, 2012)

Artsy said:


> Thank you
> 
> Well, I'll put up another fight about it. I've told my self this is it, with the marriage, you know? I don't want to divorce. I stupidly married real young at 20 yrs old, and was divorced at 24. Now just married at 30...thinking I know better by now- I'm not willing to give up just yet. So, I'll fight for what I need. And yes, if he truly loves me like he says...he better start changing his routine. Cause I'm not afraid of divorce, but I really don't want another one.



My heart truly goes out to you. I wish you the best of luck. You seem like a very good sweet understanding wife. He's so stupid for hurting you this way. I wish you the very best. Stand up for yourself, ok, Hon?


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## VFW (Oct 24, 2012)

This is a bad porn addition. Anything that detracts from your ability to interact with your partner is not good at all. This is only going to get worse as he always has to up the ante to get off. You need to look into a counselor that can help you with this problem. Next you need to sit him down and have a very frank or else discussion. He then has to make the call to the counselor and open all communication and not destroy history. You need a key logger, to verify his actions. It doesn't matter that you love him or that he is perfect in any other way. This is an addition and has to be dealt with in that manner.


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## Artsy (Feb 1, 2013)

To- Triggerhappy: Thank you so much. I'm going to do my best  

To- VFW: I think it's an addiction too. I didn't see it when we were dating..I didn't know how to recognize it. I've even talked to him before about how I think he "takes care" of himself too often, so when he gets time with me, he's not able to finish with me. Sometimes he can, if it's been a long time. He just brushes it off, and tells me, "nah..." I can't make him see it my way. he's very head strong. He also knows now that I'm pretty insecure. And that I'm sure doesn't help the sexual times we do have.


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

Loving you and being a sex addict are not mutually exclusive. 
neither are loving you and:
*cheating with someone else
*taking drugs
*watching (shudder) child porn
*being a transvestite
etc

What are you willing to accept? 
He probably realizes he's hurting you but just can't stop. Hence the hiding and lying. He gets mad at you because you expose his vice - he knows it's wrong - but it feels "oh so good" so he is not likely to stop. Just take it underground. 

IF that was the extent, then MAYBE you could look past it. However, it likely won't be enough given time. At that time he will either tire of it and quit OR escalate to meet one of the hundreds if not thousands of available escorts that will watch him wank for money or wank him off. It's a bleak future without intense therapy. 

You really should talk to a lawyer about the possibility of annulment. Doesn't mean he has to be completely out of your life. But it CAN signal the seriousness of the situation - could be the impetus to seek counseling. 

Really, HE has to WANT to change. Your insistence will only breed resentment and lower the chances of a successful treatment. You're trying to stop a flushed toilet from flushing at the moment.


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## Artsy (Feb 1, 2013)

Before I didn't think of this as cheating, but now...since it feels so much like it, it's got to be cheating or at least some form of it. Men, doing it, though- do not see it that way at all unfortunately.


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## VFW (Oct 24, 2012)

Artsy said:


> He just brushes it off, and tells me, "nah..." I can't make him see it my way. he's very head strong.


This isn't head strong, its called denial. Think of this as if he were an alcoholic.....No I don't have a drinking problem, I just want one to relax after work. The problem is the alcoholic just doesn't have one. His inability to handle his home work is already a problem or you wouldn't be here. This is not something that will go away or that you can handle by yourself, you need professional help. You can't be expected to know this in advance, so don't beat you self up over this. This is a disease, you need assistance to fix this problem. The longer you wait, the less chance you have of fixing this.


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## Artsy (Feb 1, 2013)

To- Walkonmars: You bring such insight really. So, yeah since he's definitely going underground with it, and hiding it, deleting his tracks- good chance, he just can't stop. So, addiction and he probably doesn't know it. 

How I can I bring this up to him without it sounding ridiculous to him?
He's going to think I'm over reacting I'm sure. But the most I can do is try. I don't want to loose him, I love him, and I think he can stop if he starts promising me things, like stop erasing history- if he actually agrees to that though.


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## Artsy (Feb 1, 2013)

To- VFW: So, he's going to have to realize he has an addiction. That's what I'm thinking. I always just thought of it as a "guilty pleasure" or something like that. Figuring, he could stop this guilty pleasure. Seems like it's allot more, like an addiction. If he never sees it as one, then I'm either going to have to turn a blind eye, or divorce?


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

This kind of thing is so unhealthy, me and Mrs, the guy have been there on both sides of the fence.

I rebotted my self and it was the best thing I ever did for my self. Reboot= no sex, no rubbing one out, nothing for 4 weeks. Selabacy was hard to do but it help me.

Mrs the guy worked for one of the companies that started it all in the mid 90's then started her own site for a while. Its very one on one and the "johns" can ask for what they want, often there are repeat clients that try to start up real relationships with the "model"...repeat guys that are on the site and specificly ask for a certent girl..

He really is cheating on you...cheating you out of a healthy relationship. Its very personal, now a days you can talk directly to them, back in the day you had to type. So IMHO he may as well be meet girls at a hotel room and getting a handi. The only difference is her has to to the work.

My wife would tell me how someguys would pay $5 a minute just to talk about life. Its really is an affair , and you have every right to be concerned. One model on my wifes shift actually met with a client that happened to be local, she broke every rule in the book what it came to company policy.

These days chick can do it right out of the home with very little restrictions.


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

Artsy
Thing is, IT WON'T sound rediculous to him. Not at all. BUT, he will TELL you you're being rediculous because HE. DOES. NOT. WANT. TO. STOP. 

You ever hear of someone try to reason with an alcoholic? They'll swear you're over-reacting and get mad. Same with pretty much any addiction.

Sit him down for a serious conversation. "Pete, I'm very concerned about the health of our marriage. And you know why. I'm not going to accept the fact that you are getting sexual gratification from anyone but me. And I don't want that from anyone but you. If you continue what you've been doing our marriage will not survive. Tell me now if I should prepare for the end."

If he says he will stop, tell him you will spot check - if you find erased histories etc that will be an answer that will cause you pain but you will know his true intentions. Tell him you are willing to go to a counselor with him but you will not be a parole officer for long.

Be firm. He has to meet you half way in fighting for the marriage.


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## Artsy (Feb 1, 2013)

To- The guy: Yeah I can see from watching and messing around on the site myself, that men just talk about anything on there. And the men can request certain things if they pay enough, and the girls seem to even know them, kind of like she has regulars on line. It's so stupid to me. How desperate are these guys?? And what is MY husband doing watching? I'm always home for him, every night.  I wonder what am I not offering him, that he's getting from them? I don't have the body of a model, but he doesn't either...

Just though this stuff was for lonely men, who were desperate and couldn't get a real woman. Guess I was wrong. Then I now figure it's just another way for guys to get off if they're tired of porn. But then what's next? That's even more scary. 

So, I'm glad I got more point of views. And I don't feel like I'm over reacting now. Thank you for your input.


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## Artsy (Feb 1, 2013)

To- Walkonmars: I'm going to use those same sayings when I talk to him, maybe a bit more in my own words, but you know what I mean. That's exactly how I want our marriage: I don't want him getting sexual gratification from any other source but me. Never really thought of it in that way, but yes..that's it.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

If you have been looking at these chick then you can see what they wear..... maybe its time to recoup the money he is spending by starting your own site.... At the very least walk around the house dressed as a striper, see what comes up.LOL

So dress up turn your bed room into a porn studio and tell your man it time to make some money.....after all its no big deal right? LOL

I'd love to see his face when you have your web cam set up at the end of your bed all dressed up in your best bra and boyshorts..HEHEHEHEH


again no big deal right???


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## Artsy (Feb 1, 2013)

LOL Well I don't think he's spending money. We don't have enough to spend on that. We can barely make all the bills, we scratch by. But TRUE, I wonder what he'd do if I tried. Honestly I start getting depressed cause I think he'd be ok with it. He'd probably think, "well, maybe we can get more money coming in!"  

If he DID have a problem with it, then maybe the light bulb will turn on in his head and he'll see the light.


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

the guy said:


> If you have been looking at these chick then you can see what they wear..... maybe its time to recoup the money he is spending by starting your own site.... At the very least walk around the house dressed as a striper, see what comes up.LOL
> 
> So dress up turn your bed room into a porn studio and tell your man it time to make some money.....after all its no big deal right? LOL
> 
> ...


:rofl::rofl:


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Artsy said:


> LOL Well I don't think he's spending money. We don't have enough to spend on that. We can barely make all the bills, we scratch by. But TRUE, I wonder what he'd do if I tried. Honestly I start getting depressed cause I think he'd be ok with it. He'd probably think, "well, maybe we can get more money coming in!"
> 
> If he DID have a problem with it, then maybe the light bulb will turn on in his head and he'll see the light.


Well then, there you go!


God I've been out of the loop, back in the day those girls were making money...now you can get it for free!!!!!!!

When my old lady was doing in at a place of business she was an employee on hourly pay roll. Then the Co sold the technology and the sold out. The she took it home and was charging $7 a minute and the copany that took care of the credit cards and advertising got half of that.

This way befor Skype and vidoe conferencing was cutting edge. In fact a nerd that worked on Vidoe conferencing was a pervert and came up with the idea to but live models on the internet.

Any way I hope your talk is effective, but if not you can alway try my idea. LOL


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## Artsy (Feb 1, 2013)

Yeah, "visitors" can view for free. And if you sign up for free, you can chat with them. But you've got to pay to "tip" them to do certain acts. 

I'll try my talk, if all else fails, maybe I'll have to try your idea lol hope it won't resort to that though.


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## Artsy (Feb 1, 2013)

Also, if you're patient on those sides as a visitor...and mooch off the guys actually paying, everyone benefits and you can see the "show" for free


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

At the very least you can at least dress up, then when he asks you whats up you can tell him you were chatting with some new friend. LOL.


Don't expect to much , he has an addiction and you have a fight on your hands.


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## SaltInWound (Jan 2, 2013)

sent PM


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## Artsy (Feb 1, 2013)

I read your PM.  Im so sorry you went through all that. That is REAL bad. That's crazy it can escalate to those extremes. I can only hope it won't end like that for me. 
It's so sad, how I'm come to even accept the porn watching! I've come accustomed. In my generation, when we were learning on computers in kindergarten...online porn has always been available as long as you have a computer and the internet. So, the men in my generation, think of it as a normal day to day thing. And they expect girls of my generation to be ok with it or at least learn to accept it. If we speak our minds and say we don't- we're considered insecure or prudes, old fashioned, overly religious or not in touch with reality.

It's real sad...I really wish the girls that facilitate all this would put an end to it. BUT of course, when there's money to be made, there will always be girls willing to do it.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

My husband doesn't watch porn any more, not by himself and rarely with me. The last time was last June, and that was a DVD not online. He hasn't been online looking at porn since May 2010. but look what he had to do to get there. It would be nice if your husband could get there without something in his life falling apart, but often that's what has to happen. You kicking him out might do it. Or it might not. My husband could have chosen not to stop, very easily. If he had we wouldn't be together today.

I am glad you are calling it cheating now.


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

The erasing of his history has to stop. Obviously so does the porn. He has to give you all the passwords to his email, Facebook,etc. You can also look at his credit card information to see if he is paying for this stuff. You will have to do the same for him. 
That's what I believe full transparency is. I am sure more can add to that. 
But I don't think your issue is only with the live porn its with it altogether. Are you willing to come up with some sort of compromise? Being married for such a short period I am sorry you are going through this.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## CleanJerkSnatch (Jul 18, 2012)

Artsy said:


> Since he's not stopping even when we've had our fights about it. Also, since he has a tough time "finishing" when we have sex...it usually ends up him helping himself his his hand, to finish the "job".



Too much porn = too little excitement in his brain to be able to orgasm making love to you. Normal sex with the same old you has been dulled by the porn. Man is not meant to be watching new naked women everyday, ancient man probably got lucky to view one or two women in his lifetime that he had a chance to procreate with, much less get off too.

Tell him to just quit for 2 weeks, thats all you ask to kick start his excitement for real love. It should rev him up, he'll still want to view porn because its always new, its different all the time. 

Porn and any addiction keeps the frontal lobe impaired and changes it as if one were immature. Like any addiction it affects your mind negatively in many many ways because of the mind creating receptors for all that dopamine and other hormones/chemicals.


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## Regga (Jan 22, 2013)

Wow! Artsy, our stories are very similar. My husband has a serious porn addiction. He hoards thousands upon thousands of pictures and videos. It was his dirty secret that led to an affair. 
I'm not too computer savy, so I don't yet know how to copy links, but my post is in "Details of his affair: he says 'no way.'"
I think I'm handling his addiction appropriately and he's becoming receptive. I've been battling him with his porn for years and finally outed him to his whole family and friends....blah, blah....just read my story .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

Here you go Artsy, this is regga's story. It sounds like you two married brothers. Yikes

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/66130-details-his-affair-he-says-no-way.html


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## Artsy (Feb 1, 2013)

To- Regga: I'm so sorry you went through that! And so recent too! Sept 2012 is when my husband and I got married. Your husband shouldn't get to keep the details from you. Why should he? If he went as far as he did, what is going to stop him from doing it again? If I were in your shoes I'd be really worried with the possibilities. 

As for me, I just had a long talk with my husband today. I calmly explained everything I was feeling and thinking. Even a few ideas I got from people here on this site. I explained it the best way I could, even mentioning how he might have an addiction since he wouldn't stop the other times. I even said how, if I see he's still watching webcam girls even after we had this big talk, then I don't know what else to do, other than knowing I can't trust him, and soon enough it'll lead to us emotionally separating and me not wanting sex with him...and end in divorce. I love him a lot and don't want to loose him. i guess in a way this last chance. I told him if he really can't stop this time, than there's an addiction. He's going to stop clearing his phones history. But apparently on his lap top there's an automated program that clears the history daily on it, no matter what. (Might need to uninstall that one soon). 

But I'm feeling really good tonight about it all. I told him how, when I married him, I really thought he was the one who I could trust above anyone...and now I don't feel like that anymore and it's pretty sad. So, this will be him helping me gain back his trust. 

Are you and your husband still together? My husband doesn't save pictures, he could care less about pictures I'm guessing...it's more about the Live Webcam girls. Plus internet porn.


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

Artsy you told him what you needed to tell him and he needed to hear it loud and clear. How did he react? Did he become defensive or did he generally agree. 

Reach within yourself and stiffen your spine. It might get nastier before it improves if it even does. Now that he knows he is either going to self-examine and seek help or he's going to put it on "pause" while you calm down and then resume but in a more hidden way. 

Either way you need to look to yourself for happiness and fulfillment. Spouses are supposed to enhance your happiness not cause it nor destroy it.


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## Ever-Man (Jan 25, 2013)

Artsy said:


> Good Point! But I'm just guessing here, that will probably not bother him. I've half joked, half threatened him with the idea of ME going to go watch men on web cams and doing it secretly or myself being a web cam girl, and he said he didn't mind.  But I wonder if that is just him putting up a "i don't care" attitude just to make whatever he does not as big of a deal. Who knows.


Choosing masturbation to video images in place of real intimacy is not good for your marriage, or your sex life. It appears you have to be the initiator in steering clear of this direction before it "sticks", get some moves and try initiating time together. You need to be touching and cuddling with your husband, and not masturbating to web cams.


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## Artsy (Feb 1, 2013)

I don't masturbate to the cams...but he does. You're right about how it's not good for the marriage. I told him that today as well, for the good of our marriage, he needs to stop. I DO initiate sex..used to be me- more often than him. Wish it was the other way around. 

To- Walkonmars: He didn't get defensive. Seems like I chose the best time to start talking about it. He had noticed I'd been real moody around him and not happy. He doesn't think he has an addiction..but I told him, if he can't stop doing it, then he may just have one, so we'll see what happens. I told him about me writing on an internet site and he didn't get mad. He might just be saying things I want to hear now, I know that's a possibility, I'm just hoping for the best for now. If it comes to be, he can't stop...I told him that couples get divorced because of this stuff. Because I'll start shying away from him sexually even more, won't trust him, then our marriage will end. And he told me, he doesn't want that and how he's never going to let me go. All the good stuff a girl wants to hear, I know. 

I'm going to give him another chance, but I know this isn't done with...may take years of checking and working on it.


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

You are either a very strong girl or a very foolish girl Artsy. Either way you're not gullible. For the record I think you are incredibly strong. But if you discover you're being sandbagged and don't do anything about it... well... 

Really, I wish you continued strength. Keep posting. Many posters here will give you insights you may need because of your closeness to the situation. It's difficult to be objective when you have so much invested and a desire to see "white" when the color is "black" to everyone else.


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## Artsy (Feb 1, 2013)

Thank you! I'm going to stick with "strong"  Right now, I've got to be if I want to make this work, while still knowing that things are still not really fixed. True, the fact that I really want him and I to work, may blind me to things other see clearly. So, I'm going to keep on posting here and there. Thank you for all the great advice!


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## Tigger (Dec 5, 2007)

walkonmars said:


> Artsy you told him what you needed to tell him and he needed to hear it loud and clear. How did he react? Did he become defensive or did he generally agree.
> 
> Reach within yourself and stiffen your spine. It might get nastier before it improves if it even does. Now that he knows he is either going to self-examine and seek help or he's going to put it on "pause" while you calm down and then resume but in a more hidden way.
> 
> Either way you need to look to yourself for happiness and fulfillment. *Spouses are supposed to enhance your happiness not cause it nor destroy it.*


:iagree:


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## Tigger (Dec 5, 2007)

Artsy, just read through your thread. I really feel for you. You sound like a smart, loving, and reasonable woman. I truly hope he shapes up and does the right thing.

I won't go into too much of my story as I have written it elsewhere.

My husband and I had the porn talk before marriage and he claimed to be an occasional user. I had no problem with that. I thought that meant using it when I was sick or on my period or if I was out of town.

I noticed that increasingly I was the only one initiating and more often than not he was turning me down saying he was tired or sick or something.

I had no idea what was going on. None!

About 3 weeks after we married I checked his history. First time I had down that. I was surprised what I found. There was just incredible amounts of porn on his history and he had a huge folder of porn saved on an external drive dating back maybe 5 years.

I thought well maybe this is a fluke a one off so I waited a week and checked again. Porn nearly every day and we hadn't had any sex at all that week as he kept turning me down.

Anyway it turns out he was using it nearly every day sometimes several times a day and waiting for me to go to sleep or leave the house to use it. I was keeping an xls of when I had initiated with date and time.

I still didn't want to believe it was happening but finally after a month of checking and seeing what was going on I just broke down. I swear it just broke my heart. I sobbed and sobbed for days.

So now it is a few years later. He didn't stop. I am divorcing him.

I have no idea why he married me in the first place. I really don't at this point.


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## Artsy (Feb 1, 2013)

Oh my gosh...you post just gave me chills. Years went on, and it stayed the same? Whoa. Did you two have long talks about it, and did he ever show a willingness to want to stop?  I feel for you, bad. Also wondering if this could be my story in the future. 

What's wrong with this man? I just don't understand..why they need porn when they have a real woman there every night. Well, cause they get tired of the same ol same ol...porn just gives way too many new woman  I've even asked him what he wants, and how I'm willing to do almost anything with him.


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

Tigger said:


> Artsy, just read through your thread. I really feel for you. You sound like a smart, loving, and reasonable woman. I truly hope he shapes up and does the right thing.
> 
> I won't go into too much of my story as I have written it elsewhere.
> 
> ...


This is so sad. If I were a woman I think I would rather the spouse take a lover - at least you could compete on some level. Competing with all the women in his mind is futile.


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## Artsy (Feb 1, 2013)

I know! How can a woman compete with the million of women out there in porn and cams? It's not fair


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

Artsy
Keep this in mind:
You can't swing a tether ball without hitting 10 guys who would have their day made if you chose them. Keep working on your marriage but you weren't born with your husband's name tatooed to your butt.

Whatever you do keep your self-respect. You HAVE to live with "you". You don't HAVE to live with him.


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## hotshot (Feb 5, 2013)

I have been catching up on what you have been dealing with here, just want to say from a mans point of view, and one who has watched porn all my life. When i am truly in love with a woman, I do not need or have the desire for porn. We men are visually stimulated to a fault at times. It is our nature. Just because it is in my nature does not make it o.k. for me to abuse someone else. It is abuse when the person knows it is damaging to another yet they choose to do it anyway.


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## Artsy (Feb 1, 2013)

Hotshot- you're so right. Since you're a man who's watched porn all your life, have you stopped? Because you fell in love? Or because you seem to have out grown it, or now don't 'need" it? Did you use porn/webcams when you were in a relationship? 

Also do you have any thoughts or ideas on why my husband went to the LIVE webcams, instead of porn on the internet?


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## Artsy (Feb 1, 2013)

Walkonmars: Thank you  you made my night


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## Tigger (Dec 5, 2007)

Artsy said:


> Oh my gosh...you post just gave me chills. Years went on, and it stayed the same? Whoa. Did you two have long talks about it, and did he ever show a willingness to want to stop?  I feel for you, bad. Also wondering if this could be my story in the future.
> 
> What's wrong with this man? I just don't understand..why they need porn when they have a real woman there every night. Well, cause they get tired of the same ol same ol...porn just gives way too many new woman  I've even asked him what he wants, and how I'm willing to do almost anything with him.


We had some long talks about it. He was pretty dismissive about it and told me it had nothing to do with me and I was making a big deal over nothing.

He promised me he would quit. I had by then installed a keylogger on his machine a very very stealth one.

It was just a battle of IT brains at that point. Him trying his best to hide it with hidden files and other ways. I would just mess with his collection just a little to let him know I knew. I had old school ways to find it. The last straw was when he installed virtual machines to hide it. I thought to myself why am I doing this? He has no intentions of stopping.

I think that is when my heart just turned. I never again asked for sex from him. 

I have been married before and also in other relationships and I always felt special to them. I had never come across this porn thing before. His actions with this and some others things just screamed you aren't that important to me.

I am not sure why I stayed. Maybe cause we had just bought a house and I was not well for awhile. 

The last straw was his recent of unemployment and lying and refusing to look for work and I thought why on earth am I with him. I am getting nothing from this.

I guess what I am saying is he might not stop and you have to be ready to accept that and do what is right for you. I would not let this go on more than 6 months as that is plenty of time to know.


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## Regga (Jan 22, 2013)

If you would like a helpful book, check out "A Couple's Guide to Sexual Addiction: A Step-by-Step Plan to Rebuild Trust and Restore Intimacy" by Paldrom Catharine Collins and George N. Collins.
An online program called Candeo is also a WONDERFUL resource for cognitive-behavioral therapy. It teaches how to restore healthy sexual expression and illiminate destructive sexual actions/interactions by changing how the mind processes sexual stimulation and arousal. Given the nature of some people's sexual addictions in relation to the internet...this may be the only way an addict can get help without being thrown in prison (if seeking illegal material). And of course, a sex therapist is always great! 
The hubs and I are working on reconciliation...but he HAS to face his demons...it's not just porn!!! There is a reason why he was drawn to this form of stimulation. Whether it be self-esteem, past sexual abuse, or plain old Satan at work (I won't get my bible out, I swear). 
I told my husband he absolutely MUST tell me if he views porn and is not allowed to delete his history. If I am suspicious, he knows his ass is on the curb. 
I love my husband dearly and know that he is going to make the mistake of viewing porn. He's been doing this for the past 15-20 years...it's not going to just stop!!!!
I knew, however, we would not have a true reconciliation if I did not 1) UNDERSTAND THE ADDICTION and 2) get him to know that I ACCEPT HIM WITH HIS ADDICTION. I think part of the reason why he hid the porn and lied about it was because he thought I would see him as a monster. This is why I outed him to close family and close friends. This is why I kicked him out on the street when he deleted pictures, emails and messages regarding porn. This is why I told him I HAVE TO KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT HIM!!! He did not think I truly loved him. I accept him...but not his actions.
After his contemplation and attempt of suicide for being so ashamed that "everyone knew;" he realized people were supporting him to get help and said they were "there" despite his deep, dirty, secret. 
I was very delicate with how I told everyone: "Friends and family, you all need to know that my husband and I are struggling. I am asking for your support to save my marriage. My husband has had an affair and has a serious porn addiction. No more will I accept this behavior, thus I have kicked my husband out. However, I am willing to save my marriage. He just needs a serious wake-up call. While this information may shock you, I'm sure it will devastate my husband to know that his faults have been uncovered for you all to see. I do feel as though this is necessary and trust all of you to treat this with love, understanding and support. He needs to know how deeply this affects all he is in contact with. I cannot show him support right now as I feel betrayed; so I need your help in guiding him back to living his vows and a healthy life. Do not dwell on the wrongs...I will handle the wrongs. Help him see the way he should go. Thank you." Then I provided his phone number for the onslaught of text messages and phone calls.
I don't know if I could have done this (GETTING TO reconciliation) without the faith that I knew my husband LOVES ME. I have always known my husband loves me, but I think he didn't realize that I truly love him too. It's going to be serious work!!!!!


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## hotshot (Feb 5, 2013)

Artsy: you do not have to compete with any other women in the world when a man is truly in love with you and has respect and admiration for you. I will tell you, I have been in relationships where I did these sort of things. I thought I loved these women, but later discovered that it was not true love. I was very fortunate to find a woman that I truly fell in love with, and one day a friend of mine was admiring a beautiful woman walking down the street and noticed I was not looking or paying attention to his remarks. He asked me what was going on and what changed in me. I told him I was not sure, but I just did not have the desire to look at anyone else like that anymore. It took me by surprise I might add, but then I realised how much I loved this woman.


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## hotshot (Feb 5, 2013)

Artsy: Yes I do use porn from time to time for personal needs. I am in a situation where I am alone and not getting that for quite some time if you get my meaning...LOL. I have no need for it when in loving relationship. I never have went to webcams because it seems to much like prostitution. That is something I will not do. My take on why your husband is using web cams is simple. He is addicted and the addicted always need more and better drugs. I only say it this sharply because I was once addicted to drugs and alcohol and when it comes to addiction it all works the same. Glad to say I have been clean and sober for 22 years now. I have to admit that even when I use porn for a release it is very tempting to go further into it. I have to remind myself why I am really there. It does make me uncomfortable to use it.


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

Regga said:


> If you would like a helpful book, check out "A Couple's Guide to Sexual Addiction: A Step-by-Step Plan to Rebuild Trust and Restore Intimacy" by Paldrom Catharine Collins and George N. Collins.
> An online program called Candeo is also a WONDERFUL resource for cognitive-behavioral therapy. It teaches how to restore healthy sexual expression and illiminate destructive sexual actions/interactions by changing how the mind processes sexual stimulation and arousal. Given the nature of some people's sexual addictions in relation to the internet...this may be the only way an addict can get help without being thrown in prison (if seeking illegal material). And of course, a sex therapist is always great!
> The hubs and I are working on reconciliation...but he HAS to face his demons...it's not just porn!!! There is a reason why he was drawn to this form of stimulation. Whether it be self-esteem, past sexual abuse, or plain old Satan at work (I won't get my bible out, I swear).
> I told my husband he absolutely MUST tell me if he views porn and is not allowed to delete his history. If I am suspicious, he knows his ass is on the curb.
> ...


My gawd Regga. What an incredibly gracious letter. Tigger, you, and Artsy have hearts of gold. How in the world did you guys end up with porn-addicted husbands. I have a 17 y/o son. He had 2 computers and a handful of other electronic means of accessing porn. He did it once at age 15 - that I know of- we had a nice chat.

Not preachy - just a chat. There's "healthy" porn/fantasy and there's unhealthy porn. The same image could be both. The difference is in why and how you view it. When it's obssessive or compulsive it unhealthy. If it's curiosity and mild tittalation it's healthy. It's also important to know that many women are exploited and forced into "the life". That's abuse bordering on modern day slavery. 

People who support exploitative web cam sites and internet sites may be supporting slavery. That's not healthy to society or the individual.

You ladies don't want to have tigger's lament years from now. Keep plugging but at some juncture crossing the line must have serious consequences.


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## CleanJerkSnatch (Jul 18, 2012)

hotshot and walkonmars have stated many great points already.

This porn is just a distraction. These live women are all a distraction. Its all attention spent away from the duties of marriage. Sure everyone has different hobbies, but a perversion of intimacy and love between a man and a woman wasted away on a computer screen is but a downward spiral of destruction and immaturity.


Porn offers constant novelty, just like cheating being novelty. Every mammal with the same mate tends to take longer and longer to orgasm. Bring them a new mate and they love the novelty that they finish in a fraction of the original time. Its the coolidge affect. Internet porn is not sex, it is physiologically different. Porn is more addictive than any drug, and it isn't even considered an addiction.

Here are some videos that explain it all without a long post here.

Your Brain On Porn | Evolution has not prepared your brain for today's Internet porn


Keep yourselves healthy, eating healthy, a healthy diet brings about a healthy mind and body. Look up what vitamin c does with addictions.


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## Regga (Jan 22, 2013)

Your Brain On Porn | Evolution has not prepared your brain for today's Internet porn

This is a great website! Wish I would've known about it before.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Humble Pie (Feb 28, 2012)

Artsy,
so did you have any conditions with your husband after that talk you felt positive about? or did he give you the same song and dance? why did you feel more positive about this talk than the previous two? cause he didnt get defensive and fire back (yell)? 

IMHO, the porn in nearly 50% of the issues I see with your situation. Once, and if your husband ever does, get a grip on his porn fetish you have the other half of the issue to work on.

This is going to be an ongoing parent-like relationship, checking up on him, talking to him with concern, it will take years to subside if it ever does. And thats too bad really, I give you so much credit for your willingness to fight this uphill battle but feel sorry for your early marriage experience with this man.


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## Artsy (Feb 1, 2013)

Since we've talked, I felt closer to him. But at the same time, felt like our relationship had already been changed, and sort of damaged. I'm trying to keep positive about it all though. Trying...

I felt more positive about it, cause I was able to get out all of the things I wanted to say to him, and he didn't get defensive or mad about it, like in the other two talks. Cause when I'm upset at him or sad because of him...he seems to act mad about it because he gets all frustrated since either he doesn't think I should feel that way, or because he's the reason I'm feeling bad. 

True, it IS going to be a constant thing, somewhat like a parent like thing, and I hate that. Makes me feel like the mom trying to keep him away from his girl friends  Doesn't exactly help in the bedroom. He's been home with me for a bit, and I haven't gotten to look at his cell phone. (we had to got to the ER for his back) and then the next day he spend it at home. So, really I haven't gotten a good chance to see if he's stopped since our talk. And I'm not stupid to think he's stopped all together. 

I'm just going to give it some time, and see where it takes me. 

If you say the porn/cams are nearly 50% of the problem, what do you think the other part is about? Just curious.


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## cj9947 (Jul 9, 2011)

Artsy,
Why do you find it necessary to sacrifice your happiness for this man?
You are only thirty years old. Why would you saddle yourself with this broken man? It is NOT your job to fix him. Are you not worth more than this?

Maybe it is time for you to take a break from relationships and focus on yourself. You are so young and you have already made two marriage mistakes.

Believe me...believe me...believe me...when you get into your forties and fifties you are going to say to yourself, "What the hell was I thinking?" Life is soooooooooo short, do not waste it on unworthy people. I know men like your husband and you are just seeing the tip of the iceberg of his sexual secretiveness.

Best wishes...


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

Artsy said:


> If you say the porn/cams are nearly 50% of the problem, what do you think the other part is about? Just curious.


His brain. The most powerful sex organ.


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## Artsy (Feb 1, 2013)

cj4997: A part of me, knows you're probably right, it's just hard to think that way, so soon after marriage.  Another part of me hears all the great things he says to me, and soaks them in, and of course I go back to believing we have a great future ahead of us and him a real chance of stopping. 

Some days I wonder, am I putting too much stock into this whole thing, and should I stop whining. Other days, I think..I'm done, with caring and soon enough, I've got another divorce on my hands  Just really messed up time for me right now. I know I can live with this now, but in the future...when I'm sure it'll be worse, I'm not going to be able to take it. Wondering if I'm going to be enough for him in bed that night


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## cj9947 (Jul 9, 2011)

"Some days I wonder, am I putting too much stock into this whole thing, and should I stop whining." - OMG!!!! You just repeated something I said to myself about my wife 15 years ago. I caught my wife in a lie back then and never got a satisfactory answer and after a while I did not want to be seen as making a big deal over nothing. So I let it slide. My wife was giving me a prelude of what was to come in our marriage and I missed it.

Your husband has sent you a message and that message is "You ain't seen nothing yet." I envy you so much. I wish I had this message board and the excellent advice provided my it's members fifteen years ago. It would have giving me the understanding of what I was dealing with. My wife's problems were way beyond my "Pay Grade". So are your husbands. It is so hard because you love them, I know. 

Is what your husband doing love?


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## Artsy (Feb 1, 2013)

No it's not love, when I've already caught him twice lying to me. You seem to know how it is, and you sound right. But what in the world am I going to do about it, when I want to with him, and I love him. Divorce him because he has a porn addiction? web cam addiction? Every man I dated, watched porn. I figured I'd have to settle on, who ever I was with, was doing it...so I had to suck it up and deal. But now it's gone to live web cams, and since it really bothers me..seeing how you can "chat" with them, I guess for me, it's gone too far. 

Even when I was having the talk with him, and me- wanting to look at his phone history and lap top history..he agreed, but said eventually I can't do it all the time, or "forever" so when he hinted to that, that kind of concerned me.

So, what finally made you and your wife separate? or divorce?


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## SaltInWound (Jan 2, 2013)

Artsy said:


> But what in the world am I going to do about it, when I want to with him, and I love him. Divorce him because he has a porn addiction? web cam addiction? Every man I dated, watched porn. I figured I'd have to settle on, who ever I was with, was doing it...so I had to suck it up and deal. But now it's gone to live web cams, and since it really bothers me..seeing how you can "chat" with them, I guess for me, it's gone too far.
> QUOTE]
> 
> yes, guys seem to like porn, but there is a difference between viewing it occassionally and turning it into something that you can't function without. Remember my story and how my husband's porn addiction escalated. It took 20 years, but eventually totally consumed him. He couldn't even have sex with me anymore. When the porn is no longer enough, they move onto more dangerous, sleazier activities. Think of them like a drug addict, because it is the same spiral of self destruction. One day I will find a man who enjoys my body more than his own hand and a tv screen.


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## Artsy (Feb 1, 2013)

I just saw that he installed a "private viewing" option on his firefox, on his lap top. So, at anytime, he can browse whatever and it doesn't save...and he told me that there's a program installed on his lap top, that automatically deletes everything each day no matter what, for the safety of the computer.  Another lie.


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

At this point he is in no position to tell you when and how long.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Artsy (Feb 1, 2013)

Saltinwound: Exactly! Plus, the guy is going to WANT to change his behavior. He doesn't want to, unfortunately. Even for me. He's probably waiting for me to forget about it again.


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## triggerhappy (Oct 14, 2012)

Artsy said:


> I just saw that he installed a "private viewing" option on his firefox, on his lap top.


OMFG

Are you going to confront him about it?


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## SaltInWound (Jan 2, 2013)

You have to put a stop to this if you want to save your marriage.


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## Artsy (Feb 1, 2013)

I just texted him what I saw on his lap top. He's at work right now. I figured if I didn't let him know now- I'll be too chicken when he gets home. Then I'll act all moody and distant and he'll just think I'm PMSing or something.


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## Artsy (Feb 1, 2013)

I'm trying...but it takes two and he doesn't seem into stopping for me. Just really hurts.


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

Did he install this right after you confronted him? If he did he is acting like a kid and you just took his favorite toy away.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

Do you have a keylogger on his laptop, or are you just snooping when the chance arises?


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## Artsy (Feb 1, 2013)

I have no idea, but I wish I knew when. But yeah, that's what this feels like. Definitely makes me feel like the bad guy.


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## Artsy (Feb 1, 2013)

I can get in to his lap top when ever, cause there's no password to get in. But I've been snooping at times..but when he's gone. Not ALL the time. But times when I want to really know things.


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## triggerhappy (Oct 14, 2012)

Artsy said:


> I just texted him what I saw on his lap top. He's at work right now. I figured if I didn't let him know now- I'll be too chicken when he gets home. Then I'll act all moody and distant and he'll just think I'm PMSing or something.


but why are you chicken about it? :scratchhead:


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## Artsy (Feb 1, 2013)

Because when I bring up something like this to him, usually it's how I approach him, but he sometimes gets really mad, and mean..and all of a sudden Im the person in the wrong. It ends up making it worse by his temper, and then I've got the rest of the night, to deal with an awkward, tense, situation in a small house with no where to go. I tend to pick my battles accordingly.


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

Artsy said:


> Saltinwound: Exactly! Plus, *the guy is going to WANT to change his behavior.* *He doesn't want to, unfortunately. Even for me.* He's probably waiting for me to forget about it again.


Hammer - meet nail. :cone4:


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## Artsy (Feb 1, 2013)

I'm getting off here for a bit to go work out. Gotta do something. It's starting to eat me up inside.


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

Artsy said:


> I can get in to his lap top when ever, cause there's no password to get in. But I've been snooping at times..but when he's gone. Not ALL the time. But times when I want to really know things.


Then you need to get a keylogger on there *now* before he PW protects it. It's only a matter of a short period of time before he shuts down your access and make things more difficult for you to discover.

Seriously though, why are you putting up with this sh!t?? This may not be physical cheating, but it's pretty apparent it's affecting the hell out of you. It's also pretty apparent his lack of respect for you because of his unwillingness to stop.

What gives? 

Honestly, I haven't read your whole thread, so this may have been covered. For the life of me though I can't figure out why in the hell you would want to subject yourself to this.


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## triggerhappy (Oct 14, 2012)

Artsy said:


> Because when I bring up something like this to him, usually it's how I approach him, but he sometimes gets really mad, and mean..and all of a sudden Im the person in the wrong. It ends up making it worse by his temper, and then I've got the rest of the night, to deal with an awkward, tense, situation in a small house with no where to go. I tend to pick my battles accordingly.




But you're acting like you're at fault.... why are you walking on eggshells? I really don't get it. How come you're not raising hell. No offense but you come off as subservient. 

Why won't you make a scene about it? 

there's something I'm not getting about this whole situation. Everything sounds almost trollish.


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## Tigger (Dec 5, 2007)

triggerhappy said:


> But you're acting like you're at fault.... why are you walking on eggshells? I really don't get it. How come you're not raising hell. No offense but you come off as subservient.
> 
> Why won't you make a scene about it?
> 
> there's something I'm not getting about this whole situation. Everything sounds almost trollish.


I do get this. Correct me if I am wrong Artsy.

What they do is is get mad at you and try to twist it around on you and make you like the bad guy and they are the victim.

He is bullying and managing her down to get her to be quiet about it.


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## SaltInWound (Jan 2, 2013)

Artsy said:


> Because when I bring up something like this to him, usually it's how I approach him, but he sometimes gets really mad, and mean..and all of a sudden Im the person in the wrong. It ends up making it worse by his temper, and then I've got the rest of the night, to deal with an awkward, tense, situation in a small house with no where to go. I tend to pick my battles accordingly.


Take my word on this. If you don't stop it now, he is going to get to the point when he won't sneak around to do it. In my husband's case, there were times when I walked in on him (in the living room and our son was in the house) and he would deny what he was doing.....as he was using the tissue to clean himself. Then, it got to a point when I would catch him and he would get really ugly toward me with the attitude of "So what, what are you going to do about it?". In the end, he masterbated while I was asleep beside him in bed. He had lost that much respect for me. When I woke up, he was finishing up and I knew then that was the ultimate disrespect. Like I said, eventually he won't even want to have sex with you and will do everything to use it as a weapon against your self esteem, simply because he knows it bothers you. Don't ignore this. He is disrespecting you. He is sneaking around to do it, therefore, he knows it is disrespectful and wrong.


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## Artsy (Feb 1, 2013)

Well, apparently all firefox has this "start private viewing" tab when you click the top left orange tab...mine has it.  So apparently I jumped the gun. But I had only sent him one text, saying what I found and that I was hurt about him lying to me again. Then he called me, left a msg, since i was working out and didn't want to answer, and yelled at me with all kinds of obinities and how he's tired of me pulling this, and how he's tired of me making him feel like a "s**t husband". Also how horrible it was for me to start doing this to him at work, and how he's been doing everything I wanted of him (for about 3 days). 

I can't just trust him after 3 days, this is going to take time, and I told him that I was sorry. Then told him how now he's acting like I've attacked him! It's all crazy, I feel bad that I accused him wrongly on this one, but I don't have the trust. And he flew off the handle when i told him about it.


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## SaltInWound (Jan 2, 2013)

He blew up at you to make you feel like **** and shift the attention from what he has done wrong. In his mind, your one false accusation erases all the lying and sneaking around he has done with the porn. He pulls work into it to make you feel worse. I mean, how dare you distract him when he is trying to work.


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

Bullying to make you shut the f0ck up.
Don't loose resolve.
180


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

Artsy said:


> Then he called me, left a msg, since i was working out and didn't want to answer, and yelled at me with all kinds of obinities and how he's tired of me pulling this, and how he's tired of me making him feel like a "s**t husband".


Well, common sense would dictate that if he were to stop acting like a sh!t husband, then you would stop treating him like one.

Again, I ask you...why do you put up with this crap?

Do you really not feel you deserve better than this?


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## Regga (Jan 22, 2013)

This is an addiction. He's mad because he knows it's wrong and you are right. 
You have to treat this like an affair. The addiction is his fog. You are enabling this, unfortunately. Do what Acabado wrote: 180. It's time!!!!
I'd be more than happy to give you my number to talk! It's sooooooo hard! It sucks! It's painful! It's gut wrenching! All I wanted to do after I kicked my husband out, was tell him "I'm sorry, you can view it, just don't leave me." But then I would reflect on the pictures and videos and become furious with him. 
I'll be happy to help you. But I think the 180 is your last resort.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Hardtohandle (Jan 10, 2013)

Artsy

You need to find someone geeky that you can talk to about this. 

What you can do is block the websites not through the computer but through the router or through DNS settings. Again you need a geek. 

This way no matter what device hooks up to your internet connection it will block it

If you change your DNS to opendns.org you can pay and even monitor internet connects and websites visited. So as you see things pop up you can put them on a block list. This of course also screws up firefox private browsing because it has nothing to do with it. 

This also gives you proof of what he is doing.

But regardless firefox does retain your private history anyways in a folder under the firefox folder. 

Off to another side of the road with this. 

What if you hooked up a webcam in one room and you in another and gave him a live show. Nothing recorded as you don't want that stuff getting out. 

Or have him catch you looking at live chats with men cranking one out. Let see how he likes it. 

When he says WTF are you doing, you say I wanted to see what this all was about. Its pretty hot, you know this guy only lives in the next town/county. I'm surprised there are so many guys so close to us that are into this stuff. I'm pretty turned on by it. Then without a word get dolled up and go out for 4 hours without saying a word.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Yeah, I was going to tell you that firefox has that private browsing thing now. He didn't install it.

I know you love the guy and don't want to split with him. But right now, that attitude is your worst enemy. He is an addict. To an addict, NOTHING matters as much as their next fix. NOTHING. They will lie and accuse and gaslight as much as they need to, to get that fix. You're trying to deny him his fix, so he gets pissed and lashes back at you.

He knows you won't kick him out or leave him. He knows this. So he knows you aren't willing to come down hard on him. He can just keep doing what he's been doing and you will take it.

You have to be willing to lose them if you want to keep them.

As an addict he will have to hit rock bottom before he gets help. For my husband, that was me kicking him out. I don't know what would have happened if I hadn't kicked him out, if I'd let him stay at home. Maybe that would have been enough to make him stop, but I highly doubt it. My husband lost everything and figured his marriage was over - that was his wake up call.


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## Regga (Jan 22, 2013)

What does it matter if she has all the devices? It's tracking what he's doing and done!!! It doesn't stop him! He'll just find better ways to hide it and the problem will escalate! I've been doing this for the last 5 yrs. Do the 180. It's effing hard. You will not change him by watching what he's done. You will only go insane wondering what he's doing while you are not looking.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SaltInWound (Jan 2, 2013)

Regga said:


> All I wanted to do after I kicked my husband out, was tell him "I'm sorry, you can view it, just don't leave me."


Yeah, that is the last thing a person should do in this situation, however tempting it may seem to rug sweep thinking you can cope with what they are doing. Remember that this escalates. The truth is, he is already leaving you. He prefers his hand over a warm body. Pretty soon it isn't just sex he withholds. It becomes all human contact.....a hug, a kiss, snuggling on the couch, hand holding, etc. You don't want it to get to that point. It is a lonely life to live. I realize I was single long before he abandoned me. I had been rejected so much that I stopped trying to have physical contact in any form to protect my feelings from being hurt.


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## Humble Pie (Feb 28, 2012)

Artsy said:


> If you say the porn/cams are nearly 50% of the problem, what do you think the other part is about? Just curious.


Listen I don't mean to be attacking, and that is my intention when I said this... but my point is this:

50% of your problem is his porn viewing/engagment. The other 50% is WHY hs is doing this. Why does he resort to this type of behavior, why is he so emotionally involved in this type of sex? He is emotionally involved because he defends his actions, and makes excuses, and lies repeatedly about quiting. The other 50% is you and your husbands communication issue, which is HUGE concern! The other 50% is his lack of accountablility, lack of understanding of his wife. All this will take an enormous amount of time to sort out. So, in my mind, once, and if, he curbs his porn fetish, you still have the other half of issues to face. 

I might have a good way to approach him, if you catch him again, a way so he is highly likely not to SNAP back at you... if interested.

Best of luck in the mean time.


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## SaltInWound (Jan 2, 2013)

Humble Pie said:


> I might have a good way to approach him, if you catch him again, a way so he is highly likely not to SNAP back at you... if interested.


I'd like to hear it.


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## hotshot (Feb 5, 2013)

Why do you need to see anymore of what he is up to? Screw all the gadgets and programs and things to see with. Have you not seen enough? Why do we humans punish ourselves over someone else treating us badly? The only way you can help him is to love yourself enough to remove yourself from the situation. Tell him to leave or you leave until you know he has changed his ways. Do not play games with him. I am sorry to be so blunt, but it sounds like he is addicted to porn and you are addicted to trying to fix him. You cannot fix him, only he can. What he needs is a wake up call in the form of you detaching from the situation by kicking him out or leaving. Then focus on you and you alone, on how you are going to heal from this. If he truly loves you then he will do something about this, if he does nothing about it then you will know that he does not love you or himself enough and you can move on. Also, sneaking around spying on him is like giving a child negative attention, it fuels the fire.


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

Hope1964 said:


> He knows you won't kick him out or leave him. He knows this. So he knows you aren't willing to come down hard on him. He can just keep doing what he's been doing and you will take it.


:iagree:
http://sphotos-b.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash3/24618_153410271480477_317369252_n.jpg


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## SaltInWound (Jan 2, 2013)

Walkonmars, thanks for the inspiration of the day.


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## CleanJerkSnatch (Jul 18, 2012)

Artsy said:


> Well, apparently all firefox has this "start private viewing" tab when you click the top left orange tab...mine has it.  So apparently I jumped the gun. But I had only sent him one text, saying what I found and that I was hurt about him lying to me again. Then he called me, left a msg, since i was working out and didn't want to answer, and yelled at me with all kinds of obinities and how he's tired of me pulling this, and how he's tired of me making him feel like a "s**t husband". Also how horrible it was for me to start doing this to him at work, and how he's been doing everything I wanted of him (for about 3 days).
> 
> I can't just trust him after 3 days, this is going to take time, and I told him that I was sorry. Then told him how now he's acting like I've attacked him! It's all crazy, I feel bad that I accused him wrongly on this one, but I don't have the trust. And he flew off the handle when i told him about it.



Every single browser has a tab of the sort, from safari, to firefox, google chrome and even explorer with "private browsing".

He says you make him feel like a XXXX husband so turn it on him and tell him every time he's up to his "innocent and don't hurt anyone" perverted fantasies that it makes you feel like a XXXX wife.

Love isn't jacking off to porn and fake women on the side...screw that, why get married if you're going to act like a horny teenager?


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## Artsy (Feb 1, 2013)

I'm grateful for all who gave feed back. We are having issues now, since I wrongly accused him last night. So, he felt attacked, then he attacked me. Verbally. So, I've apologized last night and another time today. But then he comes back with a sorry, and a "but"....

So, with the "but" the sorry is cancelled out basically. To me anyways. So, we have allot to work on, and he finally told me how me on this site really bothers him. So, I've told him that I'll get off of it. I really enjoyed it too. I like being able to "talk" to people who are not biased about personal issues. But I want to be good on my word, and this will be my last post.  Maybe I'll need to delete my profile...not sure how it works. Cause then I might be getting the email updates still. Not sure. 

But anyways, thank you for all your ideas and thought. Allot of your comments, gave me the courage to keep speaking my mind and to stand up for my own feelings. Instead of worrying about only his.


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## CleanJerkSnatch (Jul 18, 2012)

See you later, but the way things are looking, I'm not prophet and I hope for the best and for your both success, it seems you may be back sooner than expected.


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## SaltInWound (Jan 2, 2013)

And he gets what he wants. He found a way to turn this around to you being at fault and you receiving a punishment. See, the thing is, YOU will do as he requests, but he never did what you asked of him. He doesn't want you on this site, because it is a threat to him. Nobody will agree with his behavior, because it is wrong. Typical.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

WTF?!?! HE is telling YOU what to do after what he did?? Unfeckingbelievable.

If you let him drive you away from here, he's won. Holy crap. WHY are you letting him get away with this?!?!

See you back here in a year or two, when he's escalated and you need help again.


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## SaltInWound (Jan 2, 2013)

Hope1964 said:


> See you back here in a year or two, when he's escalated and you need help again.


And oh, boy will he escalate!  I almost wish my husband had been a drug addict or alcoholic instead. 20+ years of porn/sex addiction and I compare him to a back alley drug user.


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## Tony55 (Jun 8, 2012)

Artsy said:


> I told him, that I don't mind prerecorded porn...but the LIVE web cams just seemed to real to me..


You told him you didn't mind him snorting cocaine, but then wonder why he smokes crack.

_(I haven't read all the posts, sorry if this point has already been made.)_

T


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## SaltInWound (Jan 2, 2013)

Tony55 said:


> You told him you didn't mind him snorting cocaine, but then wonder why he smokes crack.T


And he told her to stop reading about drug recovery and she complied.


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## SomedayDig (Jul 17, 2012)

Tony55 said:


> You told him you didn't mind him snorting cocaine, but then wonder why he smokes crack.
> 
> _(I haven't read all the posts, sorry if this point has already been made.)_
> 
> T


My thought exactly, man. It's like the person going to rehab for coke but never talks about his crank or meth habit.


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## CleanJerkSnatch (Jul 18, 2012)

SomedayDig said:


> My thought exactly, man. It's like the person going to rehab for coke but never talks about his crank or meth habit.


Porn is the easiest drug to access. It makes you compulsive.

The brain reacts in the same manner of any other compulsive drug user, gambler, or any addict. It desensitizes you and more. This changes the brain to react to creating many receptors for dopamine overloads which affects the activity in the frontal lobe and its gray matter. It impairs the person to be able to resist impulses because there is a protein that actually promotes RELAPSE and it basically keeps you immature, which relates to any addictive activity from pot, to porn, coke, alcohol.

Don't believe it? Research it. The so called "harmless" porn is one of the most underestimated, under researched, and one of the largest industries feeding off addicts married and unmarried alike.


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## SomedayDig (Jul 17, 2012)

This isn't the place to bring it up, but I would be interested in doing some research on porn and morality in sexuality. I mean, when we think about it, one of the biggest issues facing the internet world is the proliferation of pornography. This multi billion dollar industry feeds off the darkness of the mind...for the MOST part. There are some that are okay in sharing porn with their spouse or partner, but that's really not the typical couple.

What would happen if the taboo of porn were gone? What would happen if we didn't fear the boogeyman in the sky in regards to openness in sexuality?

For the record...I am not only Christian but I am a practicing minister. I mean these comments with the utmost respect of people who have been deeply hurt by pornography and I apologize if I have come off flippant regarding the topic.


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

SomedayDig said:


> This isn't the place to bring it up, but I would be interested in doing some research on porn and morality in sexuality. I mean, when we think about it, one of the biggest issues facing the internet world is the proliferation of pornography. This multi billion dollar industry feeds off the darkness of the mind...for the MOST part. There are some that are okay in sharing porn with their spouse or partner, but that's really not the typical couple.
> 
> What would happen if the taboo of porn were gone? What would happen if we didn't fear the boogeyman in the sky in regards to openness in sexuality?
> 
> For the record...I am not only Christian but I am a practicing minister. I mean these comments with the utmost respect of people who have been deeply hurt by pornography and I apologize if I have come off flippant regarding the topic.


May as well bring it up here now that Artsy's gone. I think some couples use porn "the right way" - that is to enhance their love-making, set the tone, etc. 

It's the secretive 'wacking off in the closet and balancing the laptop on the knees' while wife waits in the bedroom that is destructive.


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## hotshot (Feb 5, 2013)

Artsy: Please reconsider not being on here for your own sake. I did not want to say this before because I did not want to get into another topic with you, but it seems to me that you may have some serious codependency issues. I am not a counselor, just a man who has been dealing with addiction and codependency issues for a long time and I believe you are exhibiting those behaviors. If you do not deal with this now you may be very well waisting a perfect opportunity for growth in your life and possibly your husbands life as well. I hope everything goes good for you. Everyone deserves happiness, some of us just have to work at it.


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## Remains (Jan 24, 2012)

triggerhappy said:


> But you're acting like you're at fault.... why are you walking on eggshells? I really don't get it. How come you're not raising hell. No offense but you come off as subservient.
> 
> Why won't you make a scene about it?
> 
> there's something I'm not getting about this whole situation. Everything sounds almost trollish.


Funny....I thought that for some reason from the very 1st post.


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## Hardtohandle (Jan 10, 2013)

My wife stopped counseling, I'm pretty sure because the OM didn't like it as it was counter productive to him keeping her. 

Pretty much like this guys wife doesn't like TAM. Sure too many people _*"tainting your thoughts against me"*_ or as I like to call it. 

*Giving someone back there backbone and balls.*


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## SomedayDig (Jul 17, 2012)

Remains said:


> Funny....I thought that for some reason from the very 1st post.


IDK...that profile pic is kinda hot and not in the least bit trollish...




ok...i deserve a ban for that...lol


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## Tony55 (Jun 8, 2012)

Artsy said:


> So, we have allot to work on, and he finally told me how *me on this site really bothers him*. So, I've told him that I'll get off of it. I really enjoyed it too. I like being able to "talk" to people who are not biased about personal issues. But I want to be good on my word, and this will be my last post.


Are the pictures on TAM not X-rated enough for him?

T


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## SaltInWound (Jan 2, 2013)

Tony55 said:


> Are the pictures on TAM not X-rated enough for him?
> 
> T


:rofl:


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## Lurking No More (Oct 20, 2012)

Artsy said:


> Well, apparently all firefox has this "start private viewing" tab when you click the top left orange tab...mine has it.  So apparently I jumped the gun. But I had only sent him one text, saying what I found and that I was hurt about him lying to me again. Then he called me, left a msg, since i was working out and didn't want to answer, and yelled at me with all kinds of obinities and how he's tired of me pulling this, and how he's tired of me making him feel like a "s**t husband". Also how horrible it was for me to start doing this to him at work, and how he's been doing everything I wanted of him (for about 3 days).
> 
> I can't just trust him after 3 days, this is going to take time, and I told him that I was sorry. Then told him how now he's acting like I've attacked him! It's all crazy, I feel bad that I accused him wrongly on this one, but I don't have the trust. And he flew off the handle when i told him about it.



must be a setting in firefox I can close >shut down mine and tomorrow click my history to get back where I was. plus you can set internet options to clear history at shut down if you so desire.


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## Humble Pie (Feb 28, 2012)

SomedayDig said:


> IDK...that profile pic is kinda hot and not in the least bit trollish...
> 
> 
> 
> ...


and you are a christian praciting ministry...:scratchhead:


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