# Divorced Filed, Trouble serving UPDATE



## CainJ (May 6, 2014)

UPDATE.
I have file for divorce. All said and done. Need some advice here.
The divorce part (or w/e it is called) is paid for.
I have yet to get her served. Time is running out, or possibly has (what is the time limit for this? 6weeks?) The processor and/or the sherriff want a large some to do so, and they will only attempt 3 times -I do not have the funds for this. She (obviously) is not only avoiding it, but doesn't want it - but doesn't have the money to stop it.

That leaves either by certified mail or newspaper. I am running out of time(if there is a limit). While we sometimes get a long, things are just never gonna work out - (read link below)

State: Minnesota


If I fail to get her served, will it still default as a divorce?
 If not what happens?
 Will I have to pay for the divorce again?

 What is the exact procedure for the newspaper method (example would be nice)
 What is the procedure for certified mail. Just a CYA question so I don't mess it up.

Yes I am dragging my feet.she is playing super wife now - pressing all those "buttons" (one time she said, go out and enjoy, just don't leave me... like w/e), and I know the reason, but im just not the typical a$$hole/d**khead I would like to be. So no - "...you need to bla bla bla"
Nothing is more punishing than self punishment. I (think) I know the consequences - and doing this solo - is hard enough - thats what you guys are for - non-biased-support-strangers :smthumbup:


So keep the advice coming - What I have done so far was challenging enough, w/o her begging not to. (I understand she will have no home or money etc... )

Thanks

ps
Original Thread -Was too old, 

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http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general-relationship-discussion/190186-divorced-filed-not-served-end.html#post8612210
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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

Can't the court (pro-bono attorneys) answer these for you? Seems to me they would know MN law better than anyone.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Why not have her served while you're both at home?


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## CainJ (May 6, 2014)

GusPolinski said:


> Why not have her served while you're both at home?


too expensive - I am already tapped. (I wont give you a list). and she will dodge it. Even when police come here for other reason (some fo them sit in our drive to clock cars-she runs).. Trust me, she is seriously riding shirt-tails.


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## CainJ (May 6, 2014)

Chris Taylor said:


> Can't the court (pro-bono attorneys) answer these for you? Seems to me they would know MN law better than anyone.


1. It free here from someone (hopefully) that has experienced this same issue
2. Never seen a pro-bono atty. Its a wives tale (pun intended)these guys are well off, not because they give free answers.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

How could she dodge it?

"Honey, there's someone at the door for you..."


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Hey man, if you don't really want to do it that's fine. But honestly these excuses for not serving her are pretty lame. Dragging your feet is right..... but why come here seeking validation? You can't afford a registered envelope? Sorry, gotta call BS on that one.


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## CainJ (May 6, 2014)

WorkingOnMe said:


> Hey man, if you don't really want to do it that's fine. But honestly these excuses for not serving her are pretty lame. Dragging your feet is right..... but why come here seeking validation? You can't afford a registered envelope? Sorry, gotta call BS on that one.



Not seeking validation - but you know that. 


Registered envelope - sure, 
whats the procedure? 
Do I send the green card back to court in a SASE? 
Is there a form I fill for letting the courts know I am using this method? 
Do the courts have to approve this method?
Where exactly do it send the green card to - the judge? clerk of courts.

I am not well off like you guys are, to the point i am dropping hundreds to thousands of dollars to process a divorce. I have managed nicely to get it all the way to the serving part (which at first I thought the court was gong to do once they received it - I've since learned otherwise)

And, for those of you that are well off, and above people in my position, I have a registered PayPal account I can give you - toss me over $200 and I can finish it up. Otherwise - offer some examples and suggestions - but don't judge.

I am not selling a car and buying a new one, marriages have emotional attachments-sometimes, even during divorces, people still get along, just one party doesnt want it, and can get blurry when you are not fighting (dragging feet) - I have a co-dependency issue that sometimes gets in the way. But with that said, I think I am dong pretty well trying to get myself away from this "person" - she can be very nice at times..

So lets chill with the BS comments. 
This is a support site, not a trolling chamber


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## CainJ (May 6, 2014)

GusPolinski said:


> How could she dodge it?
> 
> "Honey, there's someone at the door for you..."


The processor and sheriff want $100-$200 - see post below, finding her can an issue - remember, she doesn't work and wonders around the city, but keep in mind, she is rarely home unless she wants something..


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## Abc123wife (Sep 18, 2013)

Are you two still residing in the same house? Below is a cut and paste of the rules for serving divorce papers in Mn. It seems you just need a third party, even ah friend or whoever, hand the papers to her. Then that person signs a document stating she was served. No expense to it if you know someone willing to hand her the papers. She can throw them on the ground or walk away, but she has still been served.

*DIVORCE-WHAT TO SERVE: A divorce is commenced when one party serves a copy of a Summons and a Petition for Dissolution of Marriage. "Serving" these documents means that they must be provided to the other side in a fashion required by Court rules. In Minnesota service may be completed "personally" by having any person, except the filing party, hand the documents to the non-filing spouse or by handing the documents to another person living with the non-filing spouse who is of suitable age and maturity. Once service is complete, an affidavit must be filed with the Court. The affidavit is signed by the person completing the service stating that he or she provided the papers to the other party.

Personal service may be avoided if your spouse is willing to admit service. Service can be admitted by having the non-filing spouse sign before a notary a document that admits they received a copy of the Summons and Petition.

If you do not know where your spouse resides, you may ask the Court to allow "substitute service". To qualify, you must demonstrate to the Court that you have tried to locate the other party without success and that you seek to serve them by publication. If the Court agrees to allow substitute service, a short notice may be published in a legal newspaper in the county where the other party was last known to reside. Service is complete after the notice has run for three consecutive weeks.

*


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## CainJ (May 6, 2014)

Abc123wife said:


> Are you two still residing in the same house? Below is a cut and paste of the rules for serving divorce papers in Mn. It seems you just need a third party, even ah friend or whoever, hand the papers to her. Then that person signs a document stating she was served. No expense to it if you know someone willing to hand her the papers. She can throw them on the ground or walk away, but she has still been served.
> 
> [/B]


Hi
I remember you were helpful before - Yes I am aware of this, but it seems all 8 people that know us, and even said they would help, have now all abandoned me when I told them, i Have the papers, can you serve her: - 2 of them said that I was rude, or must really hate them to ask them to do this - as it would jeopardize their friendship with her - im like wtf? 
That is why I am down to either the Mail or the newspaper. I am not really familiar with either.

Was hoping someone in this forum used one of these approaches and could shed some light on it.


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## Abc123wife (Sep 18, 2013)

CainJ said:


> Hi
> I remember you were helpful before - Yes I am aware of this, but it seems all 8 people that know us, and even said they would help, have now all abandoned me when I told them, i Have the papers, can you serve her: - 2 of them said that I was rude, or must really hate them to ask them to do this - as it would jeopardize their friendship with her - im like wtf?
> That is why I am down to either the Mail or the newspaper. I am not really familiar with either.
> 
> Was hoping someone in this forum used one of these approaches and could shed some light on it.


I don't think i helped before so you might have me confused with another poster. But. Anyway, do you have a neighbor willing to hand the papers to her? How often is she home? Does anyone else live in your home? I ask because from that info I posted it seems that the person can serve any adult that lives in the home (other than you since you are one of, the parties). So you just need anyone (doesn't have to be friend, probably better if they are not a friend) willing to hand her the papers and then sign the affidavit stating that he or she served her.


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## CainJ (May 6, 2014)

Abc123wife said:


> I don't think i helped before so you might have me confused with another poster. But. Anyway, do you have a neighbor willing to hand the papers to her? How often is she home? Does anyone else live in your home? I ask because from that info I posted it seems that the person can serve any adult that lives in the home (other than you since you are one of, the parties). So you just need anyone (doesn't have to be friend, probably better if they are not a friend) willing to hand her the papers and then sign the affidavit stating that he or she served her.


You are correct - it was someone else with the (almost)same nick.
I do the care-taking in the building, so we both have tons of friends there - most know her "condition" but none want to be a "part of it" so to speak. I several police friends, but they said it has to be a sheriff, not them, and they charge. I always thought that was free as they serve the public (I thought that was what their pay includes but I digress)


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

CainJ said:


> The processor and sheriff want $100-$200 - see post below, finding her can an issue - remember, she doesn't work and wonders around the city, but keep in mind, she is rarely home unless she wants something..


OK... So... Serve her yourself...?


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## CainJ (May 6, 2014)

GusPolinski said:


> OK... So... Serve her yourself...?


Can't, otherwise i would have on day 1

See above quote by Abc123Wife


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## Abc123wife (Sep 18, 2013)

CainJ said:


> You are correct - it was someone else with the (almost)same nick.
> I do the care-taking in the building, so we both have tons of friends there - most know her "condition" but none want to be a "part of it" so to speak. I several police friends, but they said it has to be a sheriff, not them, and they charge. I always thought that was free as they serve the public (I thought that was what their pay includes but I digress)


It does not have to be a sheriff. Would one of your police friends serve her while off duty (as your friend and not in their official capacity as a police officer)? You just need anyone willing, no special training or role. Any stranger even that is willing to sign the affidavit afterwards to document that she was served. What if you were to take her somewhere to eat and ask the waitress to hand her the papers and have the affidavit ready for that person to sign afterwards? Would that be too mean?


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Stop buying caramel machiattos and clove cigarettes for your STBXW and pay the fee to have the papers served.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

4 hours of a temp is about 56 dollars. Gimme time to ponder...

edit hmmm ya know how cops trick offenders into coming to them with fake contests...


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

you might be able to find someone in the services section of craigslist for $50 or less.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

No friends that are just yours OP?


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## WolverineFan (Nov 26, 2013)

Can't be very helpful with the specifics of how to do the various procedures you are asking about. Normally, however, every state has some kind of provision if serving the papers does not work. I did not read your previous post but know how difficult the divorce process is. I hope that somehow the two of you can be healed and your relationship restored. I have found that the single-life isn't all that great!


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## survivorwife (May 15, 2012)

CainJ said:


> You are correct - it was someone else with the (almost)same nick.
> I do the care-taking in the building, so we both have *tons of friends *there - most know her "condition" but none want to be a "part of it" so to speak. I several police friends, but they said it has to be a sheriff, not them, and they charge. I always thought that was free as they serve the public (I thought that was what their pay includes but I digress)


So are you saying that, out of "tons" of friends, NONE of them will hand her papers and sign an affidavit saying that they have done so? You have no family members over the age of 18 that can do so? A co-worker? Nobody at all? Does nobody support you in your effort to get a divorce?

Then I would suggest the following. Find someone who you think is capable, invite them to your home, have them hand her the papers, have them sign the affidavit of service and hand them $20.

Surely there is someone willing to hand papers over to her and sign the affidavit.


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