# Finally found the proof she is chaeting.



## rebelm (Oct 8, 2010)

My first post leading up to this starts here: http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general-relationship-discussion/32921-wondering-if-my-wife-cheating.html

Two nights ago i finally found their secret email. She moved out and hasn't been here other than to get things since that monday night two weeks ago. I wanted a divorce right off. Even without proof of the affair her getting physical to protect it was enough for me. She has had the last two weeks till i found the proof to come clean.After dropping the info on her I handed her divorce papers. She is still wanting to talk but doesn't get anywhere with it. She claims she loves me but has no action to back it up. I admit I would consider it if she did. But so far she hasn't even stopped talking to him. I believe the finacial aspect is the issue. We are not rich but we are comfortable. Everything including our home is paid for. We still have to work as usual.

After me getting into her known accounts which she had told me the password for a while back while helping her with a computer problem I put it in my phone just in case i needed it in the future. Turned out to be the one for the secret account. I had been supicious for months.

Anyway I don't believe her at all now. Our relationship prior to that was already stranded and her honesty was already and eroded thing to me. She is coming over tonight to talk. Not sure I should though. Words is all she has so far. No actions. I have told her she will have to fight for me but she keeps talking and does nothing. When I tell her what she can do she doesn"t. I told her if she saw him in person even though she doesn't live here she had to tell me up front. She told me after that they ate out the other night. Only after two people I know saw them. I told her you could post something about me on Facebook. She said "really are you kidding". Well that might be a lot to ask since she has done everything to make me look bad to her friends but I would get my attention she is serious. 

I really hate to give the marriage up but I think at this point I'll be a fool to stay. A free pass seems to be what she wants. Last weekend she wanted to talk Sunday. We were discussing it on Friday. I said what abut saturday night? She said she was watching our favorite team play football with her dad. I said yeah right. It's her boyfriends favorite football team also. She got mad and said she needed till sunday to think and admitted she was watching it with a group of friends and he was there also. Claiming she has another girl he is seeing now.

She down plays their relationship. They mostly talk. The emails prove sex was involved but claims they never saw each other much. She wanted to talk again this weekend. I said saturday night again. She said she was going to her moms and going to bed. Then said a coworker had lawyer friend and she was going there to talk last night. Doesn't sound at all hopeful to me. Plus I ask her why she changed her passwords on everything. She got mad and text them to me. I told her i didn't want them. She has now been caught and I am not forcing her to give them to me. I said you have to regain my trust and locking me out doesn't help. But if you aren't willing to show me I can trust you are honest making you give them to me will not help anything. Later I checked and she had changed them.:scratchhead:


----------



## rebelm (Oct 8, 2010)

Let me also add we do not have children together. I have a grown daughter by my first wife. We were together 3 years and divorced over her affair. Yep that's makes me think about me. My current marriage is 16 years.


----------



## ArabianKnight (Jul 24, 2011)

I dont believe after all this you are still trying to work things out!!!
she never been honest, always lied. 
it seems while she is out the house she is still f***king the other man.


----------



## rebelm (Oct 8, 2010)

That's the way it sounds to me. I'm waiting for her to sign the papers. She want's to talk. Riding the fence. She wants more though. If she doesn't agree to what i have offered in a no fault divorce I'm filing under adultry and going to court. At first I would have gave her what she wanted. But playing the games and finding the facts at this point if I can avoid borrowing money from the bank I will. Maybe I shouldn't feel that way but I don't think she deserves it at this point.


----------



## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Common she can't even free up a Sat night to talk to you. She is over achieving in making no effort. 

Really really really dont accept her back. She telling you very clearly by her actions that she neither loves or respects you
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## rebelm (Oct 8, 2010)

Over achieving. That's it. Maybe I should just direct her to read this thread.


----------



## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

She admits to having sex with another man, and is still having an affair by the huge amount of text messages you found. Furthermore, she physically attacks you by biting you and leaving visible marks which you have documented with the police. DO NOT allow yourself to be alone with her and if you must talk with her do so in a public setting where there are witnesses.

Her lack of actions prove conclusively that she is not serious about reconciliation and is not remorseful for having betrayed you. No need to talk to her anymore. The marriage has been deadly sick for some time and it's time to put it out of its misery. Continue with the divorce.


----------



## rebelm (Oct 8, 2010)

Yes and when I told her I had proof she never shed a tear. Or when I gave her the papers. I knew our marriage had changed drasticly over the years but this has been a shock.


----------



## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

I agree with others. Time for you to move on.

Staying with her just bring more problems and emotional weariness.


----------



## sadcalifornian (Sep 18, 2011)

It seems that she has already checked out of her M. Detach your feeling and move on. You should feel lucky that you do not have kid together.


----------



## rebelm (Oct 8, 2010)

I do feel lucky for not having kids. I went ahead and let her say what she had to say. Her claim that she had no actions were because I had made up my mind to divorce. Thing is she had to fight for me if that is what she wanted. Anyway she cried and told me a lot of things I never thought I would hear from her. Said she told the guy the morning before she would never speak to him again and offered access to her accounts including phone bill. Also offered to put an app on her phone if I wanted to know where she was at. Not sure what to think about it. Our marriage was great at one time. If our problems could really be fixed I would stay with her. But that's the question. Can they?


----------



## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

rebelm said:


> I do feel lucky for not having kids. I went ahead and let her say what she had to say. Her claim that she had no actions were because I had made up my mind to divorce. Thing is she had to fight for me if that is what she wanted. Anyway she cried and told me a lot of things I never thought I would hear from her. Said she told the guy the morning before she would never speak to him again and offered access to her accounts including phone bill. Also offered to put an app on her phone if I wanted to know where she was at. Not sure what to think about it. Our marriage was great at one time. If our problems could really be fixed I would stay with her. But that's the question. Can they?


Do you realize that the most common affair tool besides the secret email account is the secret cell phone? Even if you put an app on her phone, she knows that method of communication is already compromised. You can pay cash for those pay as you go phones.


----------



## rebelm (Oct 8, 2010)

lordmayhem said:


> Do you realize that the most common affair tool besides the secret email account is the secret cell phone? Even if you put an app on her phone, she knows that method of communication is already compromised. You can pay cash for those pay as you go phones.


Nothings perfect. Just have to decide if she is serious or not. Some people seem to get passed this. Some don't. On the flip side under normal circumstances we talk or text all through the day. If she starts forgetting a phone she never forgets because I can see where she is then that tells it's own story.


----------



## Geoffrey Marsh (Aug 11, 2011)

redbelm,

Sounds like you are doing all the right things. She is still trying to play the "game" like you don't know what is going on. Until her action match her words...there is no other recourse but to divorce.

I would think that canceling the "football" night with her "dad" would be an easy decision to make.

Be strong, some people never come out of the "fog" and there is nothing anyone can do about it.


----------



## bryanp (Aug 25, 2011)

You need to get tested for STD's as soon as possible. If the roles had been reversed do you think she would be having second thoughts?


----------



## sadcalifornian (Sep 18, 2011)

I suspect that there is more to this than what you have revealed and she admitted. Remember the incident 10 years ago? 

I would say demand poly on her. This is not the only indescretion she had.


----------



## toolate (Sep 22, 2009)

Geoffrey Marsh said:


> redbelm,
> 
> Sounds like you are doing all the right things. She is still trying to play the "game" like you don't know what is going on. Until her action match her words...there is no other recourse but to divorce.
> 
> ...


I 100% agree... she would have made the change. She is in a fog still. I have been on both sides... been cheated on and then I cheated. Its quite an awesome feeling... the fog, but not real, makes your priorities a bit out of order.


----------

