# Wife's friend causing problems



## Monty4321 (Jul 15, 2011)

Me and the wife are having marital problems and any change in the wind will cause us to give up call it quits its seems. I was willing to divorce but we decided to work on it. However, things are very much on the rocks.

My sister-in-law (my brothers wife) has become very close to my wife - basically best of friends now. My wife now tells her everything. I feel like she is getting in the way of our marriage now that we want to work on things. The sister in law has recently disrespected me as well and believes no one can come between them.

Regardless of reasons why - is it too much to ask my wife to back off with her a bit and stop hanging out with her (like going to movies etc) just until we start our marriage counseling and concentrate on ourselves and date each other to rekindle things. This would be a total of around 4 weeks or so. 

I didn't ask her to stop talking to her altogether, only to back off just a bit - they talk daily.

Her response was NO. She said that even if a MC said it would be best, that she still wouldn't.

Am i over reacting?


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Your sis-in-law is a lesbian.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

No your not over reacting, your just reacting, the next step is action. What is the your action to her disrespect for the marriage?
Another threat of divorce? No, your not going any were, most like you have kids and been married for a ton of years. 

I suggest the 180. It will at least protect you emotionaly while your W has an EA with your SIL. 

You can not control your wife, but you can control what you will tolorate by being around the poeple you choose to be around, and the poeple you do not want to be around.

This unhealthy marriage can only be repaired by the both of you. She clarly has told you no. In a indirect way she has told you that her marriage is not a priority. Now is the time to make your self a priority and move on....who knows she just might follow you once she sees how seroius you are *this time*.

BTW, stop mentioning divorce, show her through your action by distancing your self. She may think twice once she sees you emotional moving on (180) with out her.

Until her toxic friend is out of the picture, the dynamics of the marriage will deteriorate. Its already fragile, and you can not control if your W gives a crap or not, so emotional protect your self until your wife stops her current behavior.


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## Gratitude (Feb 12, 2012)

I talk to my best friend numerous times a day. My husband works away, and in the week that he comes home I know it would bother him if I'm on the phone all the time as it takes times away from us. So I don't. My best friend understands - it's the same now she's met a new guy. Priorities at the time.

Friends are good for support and time out, but they're not your partner. If you are trying to work on your marriage, it's good to have the focus just on you for awhile. I think the point here is that your sister in law is disrespectful to you and not a good influence - and you don't need someone in your wifes ear constantly 'offering' her advice and opinion when you are trying to come back together.

Are you over-reacting? No. If you said 'never speak to her again!', then yes. But asking her to back off for awhile, no. Your wife probably listens too much to your sister in laws opinion and it's probably not healthy.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Can you talk to your brother? I mean, it's your brother! 

You are not being unreasonable...but as adults we really hate feeling like we're being told what to do. It just makes us want to do it more, even if we dont' want to. I know that sounds juvenile, but it's just how it is.

Maybe your approach could have been different? Saying, "I am feeling a little put off by your relationship with SIL, but it's making me uneasy...I know her friendship is important to you, so can we compromise on what this relationship entails?"

I dunno...that way she can't even BEGIN to think you're telling her what to do. You're just telling her your feelings (which are never wrong) and asking for some discussion on how to make yourself feel better--- with her help.


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## Monty4321 (Jul 15, 2011)

that_girl said:


> Can you talk to your brother? I mean, it's your brother!
> 
> You are not being unreasonable...but as adults we really hate feeling like we're being told what to do. It just makes us want to do it more, even if we dont' want to. I know that sounds juvenile, but it's just how it is.
> 
> ...


Thanks for the responses. She just told me know when i asked her if she can cancel plans with her while we work on things. I asked my brother to ask his wife to back off but he wont - i haven't talked to him since. The wife did say that she will make sure that she won't hang out with her every week - but will not stop altogether for a while. We are working on our marriage now - which is a plus. 

My SIL is just not the right person she should hang out with and get marrital advice from. My SIL is now trying to hang out with my wife's family. She over steps her boundaries way too much. 

I felt like my wife put me second being that she said that she will not put things on hope with her temporarily. I got angry, then thought about it
and decided to just deal with it.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Since your wife won't read the books you have bought, go to this website and also buy the book.

Married Man Sex Life


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## Agast84 (Dec 26, 2011)

In my case, my wife had plenty of alone and time with friends. I eventually heard through mutual friends that "I never let her her do anything." or it was said that I was controlling. Which is funny considering there was one day a week in which I saw her only 35min(within 24hrs)while she hung out with them. In some ways I feel it is detrimental to a relationship if most of someone's friends are either single, never been in a relationship, or lack kids in a marriage. I am not saying that one should abandon one's friends, just saying their input into a situation is skewed towards a single mindset. I feel in some ways the company she kept didn't help our relationship. One problem is finding language and way of representing said language that doesn't come off as hostile.


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## KittyKat (May 11, 2008)

bandit.45 said:


> Your sis-in-law is a lesbian.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


How is this response helpful? :scratchhead:


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