# Husbans feelings hurt when I ask for sex



## armywife29 (May 17, 2011)

I have been with my husband for 4 years now. He used to need sex daily and then some... To the point I wasnt able to handle. He was diagnosed with Ptsd and anxiety and the VA put him on a crazy amount of meds and he is getting all the negtive side effects possible. The last 8 months or so his sex drive is gone. He says that he cant even think about it anymore and that he just isnt up to it. I also asked him if he would do favors for me he refused. I remember plenty of times that he asked me the same and I almost always did. I insisted that we try and maybe he would get stimulated and get in the mood. He got very upset with me and told me he already doesnt feel like a man. When I tell him that it hurts my feelings that it makes me feel unwanted, undesireable ect. he says that Im wrong for having those feelings. I understand that he is having a hard time with this and is going to stop taking the meds I just need to know that he hears me and my point of view, instead of telling me that I am being selfish. He tells me that just by asking him to have sex I am insulting him as a man. I explain to him over and over that I said nothing insulting but he swears by it. Our marriage is suffering because of this and these stupid neverending fights about nothing. 
What do I do , how do I get him to want to have sex with me? how do I even go about talking about this issue with him without hurting his feelings?


----------



## trey69 (Dec 29, 2010)

You're no more wrong in your feelings than he is in his. So when he says that don't believe it. He is more than likely saying that to you out of frustration for his current situation. 

I understand people being on meds, lots of people need to be on them and I truly believe they help some people. However I think sometimes people are on to many, with to many side effects. And of course doctors love to put people on meds, they get a cut from each one they use. 

IMO when you're on meds that have so many side effects that it outweighs the issues with the disease itself, then its time to do some adjusting, or looking into other options. Your husbands lack of interest more than likely stems from the meds he is on. Talk with his doctor, tell him your concern, ask him if there are other options. 

Is your husband also in therapy?


----------



## CallaLily (Jan 13, 2011)

Since he isn't much into sex right now, he probably feels that you should feel the same way, which isn't really logical. He also may think you need to be more concerned with his PTSD than sex. 

How soon was he put on medicine after being diagnosed with PTSD? Did he act that way before he was put on medicines? 

I agree about talking with his doctor.


----------



## armywife29 (May 17, 2011)

He did a ;itt;e therapy and was in thePTSD program. He has been on meds for a year now and he is totaly different person in everyway. He is slow, out of it all the time,always tired, always feels an overall yuk feeling all kinds of crap. Also he is somewhat emotionless anymore just numb. I do and have put his PTSD first now for four years and will continue to help him through this. He wasnt doing all that bad before meds and he was a sex maniac lol


----------



## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

He's not being medically treated correctly. The VA or their referral is punting. He's on the wrong meds at incorrect dosage. You need to have him sent to a different psychiatrist.

FWIW I would also explore less traditional medical regimens in adjunct. Meditation, Tai-Chi, Some types of yoga and acupuncture. 

And since I am trying to create some therapy dogs, I would contact whomever you can locally to find out if there are any therapy dog programs near you. Therapy animals are becoming more mainstream as the facts roll in that they're useful. 

The outside of a dog is great for the inside of a man.


----------



## armywife29 (May 17, 2011)

I definitly agree that he isnt medically treated in the right way. They have him on celexa, prazocin, mirtazipine, seriquil, kolonapin,proanolol, valproic acid, and others. Those are just mental health meds. And he is now addicted to the benzos and narcotics... I have been telling him he needs to get another opinion and that the drugs are killing him and he says they are real doctors they know what they are doing. I have researched the va and found that there are many problems with these so called drug coctails the va is giving PTSD sufferers and in many cases has caused death. Something like 38% have died on this mixture of medication... It also doesnt help that he overmedicates and drinks on top of that. I dont know what to do . I just cant get through to him I want to call his doctor and explain but I know he will flip out. I in a bind. Ive almost got him to listen to me and he says he is weening off some of the meds.


----------



## onepotatotwo (May 17, 2011)

Have you tried getting him into a counselor for ptsd? They have ones who specialize in combat vets who come back with the disorder. The meds he's on are very heavy and sound like they're causing him to have bad side effects. (I have ptsd too fyi and am on minimal doses of Xanax to avoid these types of side effects).
I don't know what to tell you in regards to the lack of sex...I've got the same problem with my husband... but I do know that there are behavioral therapies to help your H deal with his ptsd so he can cut back on the meds.


----------



## Sawney Beane (May 1, 2011)

armywife29 said:


> I definitly agree that he isnt medically treated in the right way. They have him on celexa, prazocin, mirtazipine, seriquil, kolonapin,proanolol, valproic acid, and others. Those are just mental health meds. And he is now addicted to the benzos and narcotics...


Bloody hell! I'm surprised he can WALK on that lot, never mind anything else! Is there some way he can see another doctor and get THIS under control? PTSD is no joke, I know, but medicating his concious mind into shutdown mode probably isn't the best way to deal with it. However, please don't let him just drop these - I think he needs to withdraw from them under control / supervision.


----------



## armywife29 (May 17, 2011)

He doent walk very well. Its like he is alway drunk and it annoying as hell. I know he is having a hard time but selfmedicating isnt the way to cope. I agree he should be supervised. The only problem is he abuses the meds anyway to get more affet so unless the are administered hes gonna keep doing it. thank for the advice everyone!


----------



## Mrs.G (Nov 20, 2010)

Runs like Dog said:


> He's not being medically treated correctly. The VA or their referral is punting. He's on the wrong meds at incorrect dosage. You need to have him sent to a different psychiatrist.
> 
> FWIW I would also explore less traditional medical regimens in adjunct. Meditation, Tai-Chi, Some types of yoga and acupuncture.
> 
> ...


:iagree: When I was ill with depression ten years ago, the hospital brought in therapy dogs and cats. It helped a lot. 

I wish that I had gone to a naturopath instead of given pills. Acupuncture is incredibly helpful. 

It can take a long time to find the right meds. I think going to a new doctor makes sense and let your husband know how therapeutic lovemaking can be!


----------



## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

armywife29 said:


> I definitly agree that he isnt medically treated in the right way. They have him on
> celexa,


 SSRI antidepressant


> prazocin,


 high blood pressure 


> mirtazipine,


 tetracyclic antidepressant, adjunct to SSRI


> seriquil,


 atypic anti psychotic, anti schizophrenic and antidepressant augment *(this is a very big deal and a very dangerous drug with frightful potential side effects)*


> kolonapin,


 anti anxiety, destroys libido, just crushes it dead


> proanolol,


 hypertension beta blocker


> valproic acid,


 Depakote; Bipolar CANNOT BE COMBINED with Klonopin w/o risk of coma or seizure. (I was written for Depakote, one time. I would rather be banging my head on the bars of the cell completely insane). 



> I have been telling him he needs to get another opinion and that the drugs are killing him


This is not a hyperbolic statement. The risks of not only death but permanent irreversible damage and chronic severe neurological dysfunction are very very high.

*His doctor is guilty of negligence and malpractice. * At best he's treating your husband like a lab rat and may very well kill him.


----------



## armywife29 (May 17, 2011)

prazosin and mirtazipine supposedly help with mental health issues as well. Not certain though...
I think hes their rat as well. I argue the fact all the time... I am slowly getting through to him. He has reduced his meds as best he could with the help of other resources and stopped all but quetiapine as of last night. He is scared to come off that one. I am working on it though. We shall see what tomorrow holds!!!


----------



## armywife29 (May 17, 2011)

Well hubby has stopped all meds but the quetiapine... Things are going much better all around. I am so happy he finally did it. So far he hasnt had any withdraw symptoms and his sex drive is getting back to normal. I shared the replies you guys sent with him and I think it helped him see that Im not making this crap up. Thank you all for your support


----------



## Mrs.G (Nov 20, 2010)

Runs like Dog said:


> SSRI antidepressant
> high blood pressure
> tetracyclic antidepressant, adjunct to SSRI
> atypic anti psychotic, anti schizophrenic and antidepressant augment *(this is a very big deal and a very dangerous drug with frightful potential side effects)*
> ...


Runs, everyone responds to different meds in their own way.  I have Bipolar disorder with much more depressive episodes than mania. Seroquel and Depakote work wonders for me, without turning me into a zombie the way Risperdal or Zyprexa did. I'm sure you know that we all have unique brain chemistry, right?

*I do agree that doctor is overmedicating, like most of the educated drug dealers are prone to do. My head has been fed the way Grace Slick wailed about before my time.  *All I needed was to be out of an abusive environment...instead, I was doped up. I have been doing well for about five years now; small doses of three meds have done the trick. I miss how skinny I was before all the drugs.  

A happy marriage as well as changing my negative attitude helped a lot though.


----------



## armywife29 (May 17, 2011)

Your right everyone does respond differently. I have bipolar 2 and anxiety. I was on zoloft then prestiq then effexor I stopped each one because they mad me worse then tried gabapentin and finally decided I didnt want to keep trying different drugs. I do different things now like outdoor activities, exersize and have started eating heathier and I feel much better and have changed my outlook as well. Now that my husband is getting back to himself I am much happpier. Ive missed him... He was always here physically but not mentally. So things are good!!!


----------

