# Financial support



## Therigwelder (Jun 2, 2017)

I need advice,I want to desperately reconcile with my wife but she is unwilling to commit.she says she dosent want to give me false hope or hurt me any worse than I am.she has agreed to think about going to marriage counseling.she also says she loves me but love just ain't enough with the problems we have.she has agreed to a separation and not asking for a divorce.she has requested to use my travel trailer for her and my step son. She says if I love her I should be wanting to give her and son a place to live.right now she is on a freinds couch.She has a job but makes minimum wage.I am financially supportiing her she has a card to my bank account to buy what she needs.i pay her cell phone as well among other things.she says she wants to make her own life and not answer to a man.i desperately want her to come home.am I setting myself up to be used ? Am I just enabling her to put me out of her life? I have asked her to grant me a reconciliation in return for the use of the travel trailer but she completely refuses.we have been seperated 10 days and the pain lonliness,emptiness are driving me insane.she says she wants her space and it dosent end well when I ask her to come home.i fear once she gets the travel trailer she will just create her life and be done with me.she claims to want the travel trailer for a space so she can be comfortable and can get away from everyone she is around so she can think and clear her head.she claims she hasn't had the time to think yet or grieve and dosent have any clue what she wants to do apparently in 10 days we been seperated she claims she doesn't know what she is feeling or thinking.her big catch phrase is I am pressuring her and pushing her and she hasn't had time to think and she gets seriously angry.why do I feel she is doing this to just to keep me away


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## Keke24 (Sep 2, 2016)

@Therigwelder you should've posted this on the same thread you started a few days ago, as it is a continuation of the same story. Your other thread provides more context that will assist posters in getting a better idea of your situation, thereby facilitating more appropriate advice. 

As to your question:

"why do I feel she is doing this to just to keep me away"

Because that's what she's doing. Why are you making it easy for her to leave you, by continuing to support her? Huh?? You're enabling her cake eating. And most importantly, stop grovelling. It is incredibly unattractive, especially to women, because it goes against the strong, assertive male figure that women are naturally attracted to. 

Are you certain she's not cheating on you?


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## Keke24 (Sep 2, 2016)

You've already gotten decent advice on your other thread that you're clearly ignoring. I will post here for emphasis:



aine said:


> Yes, maybe you are to blame but for a man to stand by her the way you did through all her illness and for her to start hanging out with guys, smoking pot and having no respect for your or your feelings suggests to me that she is out of line.
> 
> YOu need to back off from her, start working on yourself, get IC, go to the gym, make new friends, take up a new hobby. *You are far too co-dependent on her.
> Do the 180, disengage, no more begging, crying, wishing, whining, etc. Just go cold stone no contact. She is supposed to be your wife, meet your needs, not treat you like **** which she is doing imo.
> ...


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Therigwelder said:


> I am financially supportiing her she has a card to my bank account to buy what she needs.i pay her cell phone as well among other things.she says she wants to make her own life and not answer to a man.


Seriously???

That's pretty rich that she wants *YOU *to provide a home for her and pay most of her bills for her while she makes her "stand" to be 'independent' from the control of a man. What a freakin' hypocrite.

She wants to make it on her own and get out from being under the control of a man? Then *LET* her. *On her own*. 

You don't finance this stupidity!



> i desperately want her to come home.am I setting myself up to be used ? Am I just enabling her to put me out of her life? I have asked her to grant me a reconciliation in return for the use of the travel trailer but she completely refuses.we have been seperated 10 days and the pain lonliness,emptiness are driving me insane.she says she wants her space and it dosent end well when I ask her to come home.i fear once she gets the travel trailer she will just create her life and be done with me.


I need to be blunt, here. 

Who took your testicles? Does she have them in a jar in her purse or something? This begging and crying and whining and bargaining makes you look pathetic, spineless, and weak to point of being absolutely pitiful. 

Man the HELL up and stop being a floormat!

I imagine like the other posters said, since we're not patting you on the back and telling you what you want to hear, you'll just ignore all the advice in this thread because you refuse to face the reality of your situation, so I'll simply say this - how has what *you've* been doing so far working for you?


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## Therigwelder (Jun 2, 2017)

You are absolutely right but there was something else I didn't think about or say.when I told her yesterday that I wasn't giving her the camper and I was cutting off financial support all hell broke loose I was called every name in the book and was given a clear reminder of what I stand to lose when she files divorce.she has stated before we even seperated and after we seperated she had no desire for the house I have worked so hard to pay for so it has come down to me giving her the camper and it's a 60,000 dollar camper. Or she would take me for everything I own. I cannot see reconciliation in our future I keep pissing her off and we are getting worse not better.she more angry with me now than she was when she left.I suffer also from PTSD and makes this separation even harder.how do I do the 180 and all the other stuff suggested? How do I just cut talking to her, how do I just disengage? How do I stop chasing,I truly love her even though I feel she is doing me wrong.how do I get the lonliness and emptiness out of my soul? How do I stop crying when I am in our faimly home at night.arrghhh so much to process and implement. I really can't stand to be alone single life sucks.my purpose i life was always the role of faimly man.ive never run the roads and date always been loyal and true and on an off note I have never had a woman take better care of me in the bedroom and I always found this very special and very much appreciated


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## C3156 (Jun 13, 2012)

Therigwelder said:


> Or she would take me for everything I own.


Why not take some of the time that you have and research your states divorce laws? Learn a little. She can't take everything you own if you don't let her. She is making an idle threat as you are entitled to an equitable share of your marital assets. 




Therigwelder said:


> how do I get the lonliness and emptiness out of my soul?


For me it was exercise. In the year after my wife left me I can't tell you how many miles I ran or the time I spent at the gym. It was very therapeutic for me to sweat it out.

As I am sure others have said, your wife is gone and not returning. Accept that she is gone, all the praying in the world will not bring her back. Yes it is lonely and it sucks. The old adage says, time will heal all wounds, it is true.. You are in the early stages when the emotions are still raw. You need to find new hobbies or take a new class, or anything that allows you to work towards a sense of accomplishment. As you reach each goal or finish each project, the satisfaction will grow that you are still alive and can make it. You can do this!


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