# Having trouble competing with money..help



## daisy5 (Aug 17, 2008)

Apologies in advance for the long post!

I have been married for 5 years.
I was wondering if there is anyone out there who has a husband or wife that obsesses about finances even when they actually have worked hard to secure their financial future.
I am having a lot of trouble dealing with my husband’s anxiety when it comes to money. We moved countries recently for me to be close to my family as I spent 4 years in his country, alone since he does not have any ties there and was desperate to get back. 
We both worked very hard to save for our future in my country because we knew the cost of living is high however, it is higher than we both thought, which is still very much within our means, however, he is unwilling to dip into our savings in order to settle down here permanently. He is looking purely at the number, mortgage rates, vs exchange rates and based on that alone says the mortgage repayments are too high..I agree however we have the money(more than a home would cost), he is just chosing not to want to spend it.
His goal before he was married was to retire early and I have to say this goal is still his goal. He makes the necessary financial decisions in order to achieve this goal. While I would like to retire early too, we may or may not live that long, so I would prefer to have a good balance where we can enjoy our life and also be able to save for our future.
We have a pretty simple situation that most, we don’t have kids, probably wont and we have one family car and no other commitments or debts.
I have asked repeated times what goals he would like to achieve as a married couple in our new country and he says he doesn’t have any goals. He just wants a stress free life. I want to settle down, I want to buy a home with the money we have saved and have the comfort and pride in what we have worked hard for. But he does not want to do it here, he would prefer to live back in his country because the numbers make sense there not here. I feel like I am competing with money and I cannot win and to be honest I don’t think however much money he has will ever be enough or ease that stress for him and he does not see it. He doesn’t tap into the emotional side of our marriage, just looks at the numbers and that drives me crazy. 
Unfortunately I tried my heart out living away from my country for 4 years, however I recently lost my father and I need to be with my small family in order to try and heal from this tragic loss. I am not getting any emotional support from my husband during this time either because he is so obsessed with money which makes me sad. I really need him. I am not ruling out moving back to his country, but would prefer we make a medium term commitment here.
If anyone has any ideas, would love to hear them.
Thanks so much


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