# A little bit different of an issue



## WhereToNext (May 15, 2011)

Me and my wife have been married for just over two years with a daughter that is 16 months old. We got married just 8 months after starting to date. Three months ago my wife told me that she wanted to stay at her parents for a while because she wasn't feeling attracted to me due to some issues from my past which are a little different and I'm not sure how to make my wife know that my love for her is true.

Before I met my wife I was into crossdressing on my own time. Eventually it led to me having thoughts that I might be gay/bi so I created an online profile to see what I thought of it. Well after talking to a few guys on it I realized that was not the case but never deleted the profile. Keep in mind I never met any guys off the website just talked to a couple and it really just was a lesson learned for me but it did help me in my masculinity to know that I am not gay/bi. Now I did continue to crossdress after figuring out I wasn't gay/bi just for some reason it was something that I enjoyed. 

About a year after realizing I was not gay/bi I met my wife and we started dating. A few months after dating I let her know of my crossdressing but not about the gay/bi part. She seemed to be alright with the crossdressing and I never did it in front of her and actually hadn't done it at all since a few weeks after we started dating. It really seemed to be a part of our past. Well a few years down the road we start talking about getting some land to build a house. So I go to a realtor website and set up some searches and the searches can only be for one county per email address. So I had to open up an old email address and I found in it messages from that gay/bi site I was on. I went to the site to try and cancel the account and couldn't figure it out so decided I would try it the next day. Next day comes while I am at work and my wife texts me that she found a picture of me on a gay site. I call her up and I tell her that it is nothing and that it was just something I used to do to mess with gay people on there and that I was never gay. She doesn't believe me but acts like she has moved on.

One year later my wife texts me while I am at work and tells me that we need to talk about things. She say's that she has been depressed the last year and thinks she needs some time apart. She moved in with her parents for about 3 months and is now getting ready to move into an apartment of her own at the end of this month. She states that because of chasing our daughter around out there, working, and her family constantly fighting she hasn't had time to really sit and think about things between us. I have been going through a lot of ups and downs with this, I wish I could just make her believe that I am not gay/bi. I did finally come straight with her and tell her that I had feelings that I might be when I was younger but going through that experience made me realize I wasn't. She claims that I used her and our daughter as a cover up for these issues. This is definately not the case as I love her very much and would do anything to make her happy.

So does anyone think there is hope here? I sat down and talked to her this morning when she came to pick our daughter up from the house and I asked her to be completely honest and to not spare my feelings and told her that if she feels that there is no hope for this marriage to tell me now. She would not tell me there is no hope and just said she needs some time to help ease the pain that she has been trying to deal with on her own. I have recommended IC to her but she is extremely resistant to it as she see's them as quacks that are going to try and brainwash her into thinking something she doesn't really feel.

Any advice on this situation would be appreciated, and please no gay bashing, that is not what I am coming here for. I love my wife very much and want her back in my life and want to be together with my wife for the better of my daughter.


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## Heartbroken007 (Mar 31, 2011)

Give her the time and focus on you. Try to keep contact limited.


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## staircase (May 16, 2011)

Who would "gay bash"? I really hope I didn't stumble into the wrong community!!

Your situation is unique. I don't think there is anything you can do, really. It's something you decided to try before you met her. It's unfortunate she is holding things against you now.

Is there anything else going on that this finding might be a good reason for the dreaded "I need to think" time?

(Also some of the most masculine guys are know are gay)


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## WhereToNext (May 15, 2011)

staircase said:


> Who would "gay bash"? I really hope I didn't stumble into the wrong community!!
> 
> Your situation is unique. I don't think there is anything you can do, really. It's something you decided to try before you met her. It's unfortunate she is holding things against you now.
> 
> ...


I know it's a very hard place I am in and I am just really hoping that she is able to turn around and figure that out. I have been doing IC since she left and it has helped me truly find myself and it is definately not a gay person that doesn't love his family. I thought at first there might be a OM but we have talked that out and that is not the case. She did accompany me to one of the IC appointments I had and also stated she wasn't happy with our financial situation and didn't think I helped around the house enough. I just never knew about these issues until she told me she had been bottling them up. She states that she thought she would be able to get past this issue and raise our daughter together but she has just been too depressed to continue to try and look happy for everyone else while she is unhappy on the inside.


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