# husbands fetish is ruining our marriage.



## ph hater (Dec 26, 2012)

ok, first of all i am 28 my husband is 31. We have been married for a year. 
My husband has a pantyhose fetish. No big deal, could be worse right? I use to wear them for him with no hesitation. Until they HAD to be involved for him to want to have sex, or even seem interested in it. I finally got frustrated and told him I didnt want to wear them anymore because he would pay more attention to them while we were having sex then me. Like making sure they were straight and he could see the shine just right in the light. That was a big thing for him. Or he had to be wearing them. yes he would wear them as well. Which is where a lot of the problem comes from. He wears them everyday. He tries to hide it from me but he's not very successful with it. He will lock himself in the bathroom for hours at a time taking pictures of himself in them. I've caught him wearing my stuff, like shoes, panties and bras a bunch of times. He promised he wouldnt touch my things anymore but I still catch him with my stuff. 
I still will wear them for him every once in a great while. Mainly just to shut him up & well girls have needs too  but he knows how much I hate them because what they have done to our marriage. They are the main reason for 98% of our fights. 
So what I guess i'm trying to ask is_
He knows I dont like them, if i'm wearing them or him. Should he respect that and not ask me to? 
Now i'm not saying HE has to stop wearing them. I understand a fetish doesnt just go away. But I just want it to not interfere with us & our time.


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## dubbizle (Jan 15, 2012)

Strike up a non-confrontational talk and say something like,you know a lot of people would not go along with this,BUT I am as long as we only do it two times a month [decide on a number of days]on on the times yoiu agree on let him go carzy showing you his stuff and you playing into it and then say to him if we can't have it that way then I am not doing it and good luck on finding somebody else that is into it.

I think you also need to educate yourself on transvestites,I know there is plenty of info,look for a Dan Savage colum.

You are right its not just going to go away so set some guidelines.


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

Pantyhose? pathetic. Garters and stockings are way hotter!


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## dubbizle (Jan 15, 2012)

I am not into cross dressing at all but I have read too many times that the majority of men who are into it are straight and just like women's clothes.Once again before you start going with the homosexual/ BI thing educate yourself.


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## Maneo (Dec 4, 2012)

From what you have described it may be that your husband has an obsession that he is having difficulty controlling. It might require professional help. The two of you trying to deal with this may not be sufficient.


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## KendalMintcake (Nov 3, 2012)

Invent a fetish of your own and present it as a big secret you've been keeping. Make it in par with his fetish such as having him dressio like a sailor the. Insist he do the same thing - after a few times come in dressed as a sailor too and start insisting he press the pants etc and if he doesn't, have a bossy fit. Then he can see what it is like...
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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

ph hater said:


> ok, first of all i am 28 my husband is 31. We have been married for a year.
> My husband has a pantyhose fetish. No big deal, could be worse right? I use to wear them for him with no hesitation. Until they HAD to be involved for him to want to have sex, or even seem interested in it. I finally got frustrated and told him I didnt want to wear them anymore because he would pay more attention to them while we were having sex then me. Like making sure they were straight and he could see the shine just right in the light. That was a big thing for him. Or he had to be wearing them. yes he would wear them as well. Which is where a lot of the problem comes from. He wears them everyday. He tries to hide it from me but he's not very successful with it. He will lock himself in the bathroom for hours at a time taking pictures of himself in them. I've caught him wearing my stuff, like shoes, panties and bras a bunch of times. He promised he wouldnt touch my things anymore but I still catch him with my stuff.
> I still will wear them for him every once in a great while. Mainly just to shut him up & well girls have needs too  but he knows how much I hate them because what they have done to our marriage. They are the main reason for 98% of our fights.
> So what I guess i'm trying to ask is_
> ...


very hard to beat a fetish.

only married a year....I'd throw the towel in if it were me. wouldn't want this to be part of my sex life for life.

every body wants to feel desired and you will never feel like he desires YOU. after awhile resentment will build and then you will end up divorced anyways maybe with the complications of kids to boot.


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## IsGirl3 (Nov 13, 2012)

Don't have kids until this issue is resolved. He's obsessed. It sounds like an addiction. It's great and all that you seem to be cool with him wearing the stuff. Your problem is that he has gone overboard. He seems addicted. Hours and hours in the bathroom taking photos? Obsessing over the lighting and not you? This has overstepped the bounds of really liking something into a twisted fanaticism. If this is what 98% of your fights are about and he's not changing because either he can't or doesn't think it's a problem, then I'm afraid you didn't know your husband and his fetish well enough when you got married. There isn't room for you and his fetish in this marriage. It has taken it over like a disease that only one of you sees. I think he has a choice - either recognize and get help for his fetish which is endangering this marriage, cut it back to a few times a month, like the other poster suggested, with no sneaking off to the bathroom to spend time with himself and not you, or you have to leave.


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## CallaLily (Jan 13, 2011)

It might just be part of who he is, and if thats the case, I doubt you will come to love it or even accept it since you already hate it so much. That is your right though. If you have only been married a year and you have no kids, you might want to think long and hard about if this is the right person for you to spend your life with.


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## wiigirl (Jun 14, 2012)

Machiavelli said:


> Pantyhose? pathetic. Garters and stockings are way hotter!


Lol...agreed! 








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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

You're husband spend hours in the bathroom cross-dressing and taking pictures of himself and you're complaining about wearing pantyhose????

I think there may be a bigger problem somewhere.


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

Maneo said:


> From what you have described it may be that your husband has an obsession that he is having difficulty controlling. It might require professional help. The two of you trying to deal with this may not be sufficient.


Sage advice. :iagree:


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

My h is straight and a CD. I would be really upset if he were paying more attention to clothes than to me during sex! And spending hours locked in the bathroom? 
I think you need to see a sex therapist who specializes/has e pertinence with GLBT queer people. It could be that he is trying to keep his CD tendencies locked down so much that they just keep coming out. So to speak...
Does he know that this bothers you?
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## Kasler (Jul 20, 2012)

Fetishes have to be strictly managed. If not they will take over the sexual aspect of the marriage.


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## east2west (Oct 19, 2012)

ph hater said:


> ok, first of all i am 28 my husband is 31. We have been married for a year.
> My husband has a pantyhose fetish. No big deal, could be worse right? I use to wear them for him with no hesitation. Until they HAD to be involved for him to want to have sex, or even seem interested in it. I finally got frustrated and told him I didnt want to wear them anymore because he would pay more attention to them while we were having sex then me. Like making sure they were straight and he could see the shine just right in the light. That was a big thing for him. Or he had to be wearing them. yes he would wear them as well. Which is where a lot of the problem comes from. He wears them everyday. He tries to hide it from me but he's not very successful with it. He will lock himself in the bathroom for hours at a time taking pictures of himself in them. I've caught him wearing my stuff, like shoes, panties and bras a bunch of times. He promised he wouldnt touch my things anymore but I still catch him with my stuff.
> I still will wear them for him every once in a great while. Mainly just to shut him up & well girls have needs too  but he knows how much I hate them because what they have done to our marriage. They are the main reason for 98% of our fights.
> So what I guess i'm trying to ask is_
> ...


It sounds like since you started withdrawing from what he likes the relationship is going downhill and he is looking for other outlets for this pantyhose interest. Why don't you just agree that you will be willing to indulge his fetish at a certain frequency like every few weeks (more than what you are doing now) as long as he is willing to have vanilla sex with you the rest of the time.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

I don't know much about fetishes except that they are extreamly difficult to give up. In fact, if the person with the fetish is not interested in suppressing the fetish, it will not happen. 

Look up info about cross dressing. I would research on cross dressing and the long term out come. Will he decide that he wants to be a woman? Will the cross dressing esculate and he begins to dress in women's clothing in public. 

You are the only one who can decide if you want to deal with this for all of the years that you stay married. You must decide if you want to bring children into the world with a father who spends so much time in selfish pleasure seeking. Finally, you have to decide if you are able to deal with the changes in this type of fetish in the future. 

I think there is more to this than you think. I think he knew about his habits before your relationship and hid it. He may have revealed just a small part with the stocking thing. It is possible that he did not just start cross dressing recently. 

You have to talk to him to get the scope of the habit. I really don't think it is a fetish but a more deeply seated sexual problem. 

Don't have children with him. Think carefully about what you want in your marriage. If he has decieved you, then you must take into account his character. You also have to consider that he may have had sexual activity that he has not shared with you. 

Get tested for STD's just in case he has been engaged in risky activity.
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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

Not sure what to offer in terms of advice. I am a guy with a foot fetish but the cross dressing thing...uhhh don't know. Try and be as candid with your displeasure as possible. A woman should be able to be as open as possible with her likes and dislikes concerning sex in her own marriage. The subjugation of women is over...you have a voice and deserve to be heard. Lay down the law girl.

/end feminism rant


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## jl2005 (Mar 22, 2012)

I’m sorry to hear how its taken over his life (and yours) I’m a guy and also have an intense ph fetish so I can relate a little. There is nothing I can do to give it up. I don’t have any good advice on how to solve this, but to say that when my wife puts on pantyhose for me, I feel super blessed. When she just puts them on to get me off, its good, but when she joins me in the fantasy, its cosmic. Let me explain…

2 nights ago for the Packers playoff game, she wore a Green Bay jersey and silky yellow tights. I wasn’t expecting it, but she plopped her feet in my lap and rubbed me casually in many different ways for the entire second half. I should mention that I was wearing only pantyhose on my lower half as well. After that, I was an open book to her and felt like I could talk to her about anything. Later in bed, she finished me off by continuing her moves but also talking about scenarios with me in my pantyhose. She reached into my soul. We talked dirty and it worked big time!

She hadn’t just put them on for me, but truly blessed me. I tell you, the intense love I’ve felt for her since then is off the charts. Every time she does something like this, I get renewed. 

I’m just guessing, but if your husband is doing these things on his own, something you could do is to join him. Tease him about his pantyhose wearing in public. Make him wear colored nylons without socks. Then play footsie with him, lifting up his pant leg and exposing him. “Honey, do you need some new _pantyhose?_” Maybe actually buy him some. “I’m tired of you always wearing _my nylons_. Let’s get you your own.” Sorry. I’ll stop. I actually have a ton of suggestions.


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