# Husband on work travel and I'm losing my mind



## 6pinkcats (Mar 5, 2012)

Ok so we've been married 6 years together for almost 8. Last February I was looking on my husbands Craigslist account to see if he still had an item up for sale. I found the item along with 2 adds for casual encounters that he had placed while on work travel. I confronted him and he immediate got dismissive. Saying nobody ever responded an he just wanted to see what would happen. Like that is suppose to make me feel better. 

I have a history of snooping because he's always and I mean as long as I've known him lied about things. Lies about porn and how many drinks he's had. During my confronting him he says he'd been going to strip clubs when he said he was at bar or just with friends. 

He also seems to have a drinking problem but will not admit it at all. He can have a few beers and stop but when it comes to liquor he won't finish until its gone. Most if not all of the lies he tells just so happen to go on when he's been drinking. 

My current freaking out is because he is on work travel right now. He's been so good all week. He's calls and text frequently. Calls from landlines to make me feel better. Well he just went to he liquor store then back to his hotel. Yeah most people could have a couple drinks, watch some tv and get some sleep. My husband gets extremely aroused when drinking liquor and I'm scared out my mind he's going to do something stupid again. I honestly don't know what to do. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Your husband placed ads on CL looking for sex, has a drinking problem, lies and you don't know what to do?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Does he use a computer that is at home to access his personal email, craigslist, etc.?

I think it's wise to assume that he has had encounters with people who responded to the ads. You really do need to go get tested for STD's. What he's doing is a very dangerous activity.


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## 6pinkcats (Mar 5, 2012)

I know what the logical perfect situation thing to do is and that is leave. But my situation just like so many of you here is very complicated. I am a SAHM. We have a 7 year old with autism. I battling PTSD from our 4 year old dying in my arms. My son with autism is in an enclosed classroom. At least 2 days a week I'm at the school picking him up because he can't make it through the day. We haven't even been able to find a sitter that can handle the situation. Despite my husbands screwups and all the stress that comes with it I want our lives to be together and healthy. I know it gets said all the time but other than his poor decisions he really is a good husband and father. I made him get an std screen and I'm clear too. He swears he didn't act on anything but really. Your in a hotel in another state and you placed ads.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Maybe the two of you need to work on strengthening your marriage in a way that protects it from his propensity to do something like this.

There are some really good books that can help… I have links to 2 of them in my signature block below under building a passionate marriage. They talk about a lot about affair proofing a marriage and how to do it. 

You both of have some big stressors in your lives. This acting out could be part of his way of trying to deal with it all. Please take a look at “His Needs, Her Needs” and “Love Busters”.

I understand your desire to keep your marriage together. There are things you can do and recognizing his weaknesses and the two of you coming up with ways to handle them is a healthy way to approach this.


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## cjpa (Jul 17, 2012)

Well by staying with him after finding something so offensive as those ads, and him admitting his guilt by taking the std screening, I think you know in your heart that your husband has already been unfaithful. If you don't want to separate, you could offer him the option to have an open relationship--You see who you want, he sees who he wants. It works for some people. Otherwise, he will be cheating on you while you play the good wife.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

If you do stay you need to have your eyes wide open. I'm guessing he's already cheated and all your sitting by the phone worrying isn't going to change that.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

6pinkcats said:


> Ok so we've been married 6 years together for almost 8. Last February I was looking on my husbands Craigslist account to see if he still had an item up for sale. I found the item along with 2 adds for casual encounters that he had placed while on work travel. I confronted him and he immediate got dismissive. Saying nobody ever responded an he just wanted to see what would happen. Like that is suppose to make me feel better.
> 
> I have a history of snooping because he's always and I mean as long as I've known him lied about things. Lies about porn and how many drinks he's had. During my confronting him he says he'd been going to strip clubs when he said he was at bar or just with friends.
> 
> ...


 I mean.... just


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## Hopefull363 (Feb 13, 2012)

There sounds like a lot of stress in both of your lives. You say my son when you talk about your 4 year old. (Which I am so sorry for your loss. I couldn't imagine the pain and suffering you've been through.) Was he your husbands son too? Maybe this is your husbands unhealthy way of dealing with things. Is it possible for both of you to go for IC as well as MC? Sounds like you both have a lot to come to terms with.

Now I'm not saying it's right what your husband is doing to you but you sound like divorce isn't really an option that's why I suggested individual counseling for both of you and marriage counseling. Insurance will sometimes pay for it.


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## 6pinkcats (Mar 5, 2012)

I'm sorry I wasn't too clear previously I'm a bit scatter brained right now. The Craigslist ads I found were from a trip he'd gone on a year prior to me finding it. I new something went on because I had a strong feeling he was hiding something and it just took me a long time to find out. That whole time period I was hyper vigilant on keeping tabs on him. I already do IC and he has gone a few times to a counselor. I just don't understand why he can't just sacrifice to prove himself. Oh and our son that passed is his son too. Maybe I slipped by calling him my son because I seem to be the one consumed with grief. He seems to have zero emotion about it now.


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## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

My dear, you've had more than your fair share of bad cards dealt you. A son with autism (I have a 20 year old autistic son) and another son dying in your arms. I wish I could say something wise or comforting but I just have nothing. My heart goes out to you. 

It sounds like this is how he deals with emotional pain. The pain of not having the son you thought you would, and losing another son. Does he know how much pain you are in? How much do you guys talk? I suspect your husband has not dealt with his emotions yet. He's trying to escape them.


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