# Wtf? Why are you girls so confusing?



## CPT CONFUSED (Oct 16, 2008)

why is it that out of the blue after months of me keeping my space and minding my own bussiness and getting on with my life would my wife all of a sudden want to spend time with me? girls please if you have a better insight on this for godsake help me the hell out? lol she is now making time in her busy schedule to acommadate us as a team and going out of her way to spend time with myself and my son as a family but still says we nee our space? not sure im following this point correctly? some one please throw me a bone here!




CPT


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## Alecram (Apr 3, 2009)

That's a tough one. It's probably because you started giving her space that she now wants to be around you more. The moment she sees you moving on with her life, she wants to be back in it because she thinks she's going to lose you for good.

Don't let her play with your feelings and the feelings of your child that way. You're not the only one getting hurt. Let her know that she needs to decide once and for all if she's staying or if she's going because you can't live like that. Tell her that next time she wants her space, she better be prepared to have it for good because next time it's over for good. 

BTW--Your son in the picture on the left is adorable.


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

Why not ask her? I would demand to know, she has no right to play with you and your sons emotions. You set the rules at this point, not her.

Cooper


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## justean (May 28, 2008)

this is easy to suss out. 
because you gave space and minded your own business, she got internally scared she wil lose you.
shes making sure , your stil there at the end of the rope. 
it seems that you are or you would have brushed her off.
she is keeping her interests in you at a safe distance, unsure of where her future lies.
i promise you do the total brush off. you wil have her eating out of your hands.
its reverse psychology. if you want her back.
i give you a little taster of what to do , just so you know im kinda right.
next time you talk to her, ask her if she can look after the child. say your going out - dont give n e thing away whatsoever, even if your going around the corner.
dress up really smart as and put on some aftershave, something you know she likes. i promise internally , you wil affect her very deeply.
play the waiting game if you want her back.
do things you havent done b 4. if she rings up one day and says she coming over. plain and simple , even if you want to see her, sy sorry but ive made arrangements. im taking the child to the park.
all these wil drive her nuts . also for the fact if you do go to a park with the child. who else is there, other mothers and children.
your missus wont like you being seen as a single father and getin female attention.
i hope my advice works. let me know , how it goes.


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## reidqa (Mar 25, 2009)

CPT,

Try marrying a 15 yr old as a 30 yr old man.

I have gone thru the 18-25 and 30 year old era's. To top it all of to do it all over again, not many men experience this in life.

One thing learned, its these traits that makes us love women.

Great post made me smile.


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## martino (May 12, 2008)

I think things don't happen out of the the blue. In your case the wife leaves only to find that things didn't work out and she didn't have things so bad with you. You symbolize stability in her chaotic mind. I'm guessing that since your wife is bi-polar this will happen again another 1-3 times in your marriage over the years. The space thing is only her manipulating when and how you get back together.


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## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

This first Cpt. I know we have disagreed on many things in the past. But I truly wish you the best. 

She is pursuing time with you, because she does not want you to fall out of love with her and find someone else. She is throwing you a bone. If you did find someone else, just see how much she would want to work it out then. She is on a sex vacation from your marriage. She has your love and the freedom to have a boyfriend. She has the best of both worlds. Its called eating cake. From the beginning she has always called the shots. Using your love to keep you at her beck and call. Its sad. But it will happen as long as you allow it. Best of luck.


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## CPT CONFUSED (Oct 16, 2008)

thanks all i truly appreaciate all your replies. sad thing is at this point im truly happy however the chips fall. ive sorted through alot of my negative feelings as of late. and i know from here on out im the strongest i have ever been in my entire life. thanks all and may god bless you all.





CPT


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

"Truely happy no matter where the chips fall", "the strongest I've ever been in my entire life". You're joking right ? Are you happy letting her set the rules and the direction of the relationship as she see's fit? Here today and gone tomorrow? I don't mean to be insulting but you are not strong, you are whipped, and being whipped by a manipulator. She is back for her own selfish reasons, she left for her own selfish reasons, it has nothing to do with you. She is using you as a doormat and every time you let her she gains more strength and you grow weaker. The cycle will continue as long as you let it. As I said before, it is time for you to set the rules. 

Cooper


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## martino (May 12, 2008)

CPT,

I mean no disrespect but I have to agree with Cooper to an extent. I think you really have to look inside yourself and decide what you will and will not put up with from her. -Martino


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## CPT CONFUSED (Oct 16, 2008)

okay let me rephrase what i ment by being strong and accepting wherever the chips may fall i ment that i was no longer going to let this situation consume me as it has in the past. and that i know deep in my heart i have done everything humanly possible to reach withen myself and know where i went wrong in the relationship. just so that no one gets confused as to what i am refering too. i have come to an acceptance with myself and how i myself needed to change as a person and i will be stronger and better because of it.



CPT


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

CPT CONFUSED said:


> why is it that out of the blue after months of me keeping my space and minding my own bussiness and getting on with my life would my wife all of a sudden want to spend time with me? girls please if you have a better insight on this for godsake help me the hell out?


There is little mystery here. This is what several people including myself told you to do form day #1. I can't stand it either, but we don't get to make the rules, it's natures way. Most people respond to a vacuum by trying to fill it. 

You've created a "CPT" vacuum in her life, and now she is getting sucked in.

Here's a post from 3 months ago:
http://talkaboutmarriage.com/33439-post72.html


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## marina72 (Dec 29, 2008)

you backed off. and now she's feeling threatened... so she ups the anty. If you come at her full force again, she'll likely retreat. 

Not all women are like this. She's playing a silly 7th grade game with you. 

Or... she is finally starting to see that she needs and wants you in her life, but wants to just take it slowly so that neither she, nor you get hurt even more. I would try to go with the flow.


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

If you are satisfied and content with the relationship ship right now then good for you. ME, she would have a hell of a hill to climb to get back thru my door. I would think at the very least you need to establish some boundries. I wouldn't play any games, but she comes over when YOU allow her, for as long as YOU allow her. If you say "not tonight" you owe her no explanation, and she has no right to ask. And there would be no huggy/kissy,sex stuff going on, your damaged feelings are the most powerful weapon she has, you need to show her you can and are willing to live without her. 

Cooper


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## CPT CONFUSED (Oct 16, 2008)

just to clarify something cuz it seems this thread is going off topic here. at no point did i ever say i as going to take her back. at nopoint did i say i was getting involved with er all i wanted to know was why is it so hard for guys in general to understand women thats all please guys slow down it was more of a question than anything else.


CPT


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## sunflower (Dec 15, 2008)

HA men are so simple that they confuse the crap outa me!


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

OK, back to the question. I do not think it is a gender question like you ask it. There are goofy men and women alike. You are just hooked up with a goofy person, and she just happens to be a woman. You want and expect her to act a certain way and it just isn't going to happen, good or bad she is different than you. The love part is what screws up your thinking, you want so desperatly for her to do what you want that when she does what she wants it confuses the crap out of you. How can she not be thinking the same as you? Because she is not you, plain and simple. Like I said, good or bad, right or wrong, people are different from each other. The trick is finding someone only enough confusing to be interesting but not hurtful. Good luck to us all.

Cooper


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## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

Again, I think she is getting uncomfortable with Cpt. independence. I think you should go out on a few dates. And see what her reaction is. JMHO


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## Hardened Heart (Apr 8, 2009)

Geez, I guess its because women are from venus and men are from mars. Women are complicated individuals, we say we don't want something but we really do, I know it can so be confusing. 

But my question to you is why does it matter, if you are not taking her back then why do you care what she wants, what matters is that she spend time with her son.


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## CPT CONFUSED (Oct 16, 2008)

harded she has always spent time with her son through all this i guess it puzzles me after trying so hard for so long why all of a sudden when im moving forward i hit a pothole in the road? im not going to say i dont still love her because i do but now im confused all over again i dont know if that makes any sense to you guys or to myself either but feelings are a hard animal to rangle up


CPT


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## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

Guess I'm talking in the wind. Oh well.


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## CPT CONFUSED (Oct 16, 2008)

and infor just because i posted that didnt mean i wasnt still trying your advice i can still feel one way and act another just wanted to let you know i was still on your page of things


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## Tim (Mar 24, 2009)

Hey, when I read your first post I knew nothing of your situation but the first thing that came to mind is that it sounds like she is a Cluster B. Then I read more and confirmed that she is BPD? LOL I can spot them a mile away now!

This is typical behavior of Cluster B Personality Disorder. Bipolar is in that cluster and so is Histrionic Personality Disorder (my wife). 

This isn't something 'girls' do. This is very much a part of your wife's problem. 

Leaving A Partner with Borderline Personalty Disorder-Joe Carver, PhD
I know its about borderline people...but it applies to all cluster b's.

Please read that link. Its a wealth of info on how to deal with this and explains what they do. Perhaps my post will let you walk away less confused.....let me know.


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## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

That is awesome! Let her chase for a while. The next time she wants to do something. Tell her you can't, tell her you're going out for coffee and a movie with a "friend". Then prepare for the questions. If she sounds pissed at all. Say, without anger, "Hey, you get two guys, I want two girls" Say this jokingly without any anger, and see what her response is. If she gets pissed. DO NOT CHASE HER. SHE NEEDS TO FEEL YOU SLIPPING AWAY FROM HER. Of course, as always, just my opinion.


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## Tim (Mar 24, 2009)

Initfortheduration...
read that link I posted. Its important to understand that you cannot toy with these people. His own health and safety as well as his son's well being can be in jeopardy.


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## sunflower (Dec 15, 2008)

It sounds like she knows she is losing you as a backburner and she is now worried that the man in her life they she knew she could rebound back to is gone THEN WHAT when her other relationship fails she will be ALL ALONE. Be careful.


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