# after 30yrs of marrage a new woman?



## noddastepmom (Oct 15, 2010)

after 30 yrs of being married having 3 children and 5
grand children you would think all is well and a light is at the 
end of the tunnel for relaxing and looking into the near 
future of retirement. well that isn’t how its going for me.
our middle daughter is moving bck home with her 2 children
in tow..3 yrs is the oldest and 4 month old is the new baby.
after a 4 yr relationship in high school and 3 yrs of marriage in their
early 20's he jst walk...so mom & dad make room for 
daughter 2 grand babies & our son's ex girlfriend (more about her later & why she is in the equation)…
my husband and i married when i was 18 he was 22 , im a country girl and he as well, jst out of the service 4 yrs is when we meet...we dated & had our first child 9 months to the day...i did not want to marry right away but at 7 months pregnant i thought it was the right thing to do...year after year came and went pretty fast...more downs then ups to be quite honest...
when we first sleep together he had gone to the bath rm and i rolled over to ck the clock.. thinking i should be getting home, it almost 2 a.m.... he has to go to work and i have well nothing...i wasn't working at the time so all i had to do is hang out with my girlfriends and sun bath, anyway as i looked at the clock i see his wallet on the bed side table, & what was i to do?
i didn’t waste anytime grabbing it up to see what was in it..
condoms? pictures of naked chicks? phone numbers of chicks?
money ? ... to my surprise there was a picture of a lovely lady 
with blonde hair like his, very petite and a nice smile. humm
another picture of a little girl maybe 3 yrs old, in a Big ruffle dress with long dark hair tied bck with a red ribbon...maybe his niece i thought.
a few months later and a few more sleep over’s i got up enough 
nerve jst to come out and ask who the 2 pictures were of in his wallet. He said the woman was his mom and the little girl was his daughter...so he believed...looking at the pic there was no dought that she was...i never inquired about either one for a few months, until we planed a trip together and i started asking a question here and there. i was most curious about the daughter. he said he and her mother were in the service together saw each other a few times had a one night stand and didn’t see each other for 8 months when she called and said she was pregnant & he was the daddy. they both finished their last few days of service, she was headed home to the west coast he to the east coast...he wanted to marry because of the baby, her parents didn’t like him and she said she didn’t want him to stay around ,she could raise the baby by herself...he left wnt his way she left wnt her way...
fast forward 3 yrs...a letter comes in the mail addressed to the dads mother, pictures of the little girl now 3 with a letter asking to be forward to the little girls dad, dad is now married to me and we have a child of our own.
the letter was forward to dad in which he read... but this is my thought by what he had told me; they were not in love and the pregnancy was an accident he was prepared to do the right thing and marry and take care of his responsibilities but they were not in love enough to make a false commitment.
he was sad to see the picture knowing he would never gt to know her. i myself wrote a letter to the little girls mom 
explaining who i was and tht we would welcome letters & pictures anytime and if she needed anything, anything at all
we would be there for her and we wanted to stay in touch with her for the sake of the little girl, to know who her dad was and to at least have that part of her life be known to her.
a few years wnt by with no word so out of sight out of mind for him seemed to suit him jst fine.
fast forward to the now…to what we now know as Face Book, and who does a friend request...? the little girl now in her 30's little did anyone know, she had bn in touch with our oldest daughter for a few years on my space now with face book. my husband had known but did really say or do anything when she told him, now my husband accepted the friend request and now with 5 or 10 messages starting out frm her,
She is on FB posting things like; 'Hey Dad' I Love you !
For all our friends and family to see and read, they had no idea he had got a girl pregnant 30 yrs ago.
What pissed me off and hurts me is that they didn’t approach the relationship soft and slow but right off the start as they had known each other and bn together all their life. he started texing her on her ph and she to him...
now keep in mind that i was not told about the FB or tex's at first.. but with in a few days my husband says with a matter of fact tone.. oh 'nikk' said 'bla bla bla', like i was expected to say oh that’s nice dear tell her hello and we will see you this summer break ! i am so heart broke over so many things...that this child 
acts like she has had my husband in her life forever that all the years that has pasted never happened and her children and husband are planning a trip frm one coast to the other for a visit.
my question is where is the 'honeymoon' stage? the slow dance the get to know one another? we have 3 grown children that are ok with dad having another child, older than them, no big deal...but with me, i start to question everything...why did he not try harder to keep in touch with his child, even tho he never 
Married, the child’s mother , and the letters and pictures stopped by age 6, why did he not tell his children about her until they were adults themselves...why he talks to her like he talks to his other children of 30 yrs...
in the firt tex he said i love you and sry I have failed you for over 30 yrs and i will make it up to you? 
i told him for years one day she will come looking for you for answers for questions and this day is now. he never tried one time to respond to any letters frm the mother informing him of her milestones...but all of a sudden he expresses how much he loves her. anytime we would bring her up in the past he would always say the same thing... 'she has her mom and dad, im married to you now with children of our own, she wont have a need to look for me and i don’t feel the need to know anything about her. 
so now im slapped in the face to deal with this other woman who 
wants to jump into our lifes like she has bn part of the family since day one.. and my husband thinks nothing of it.
i didn’t ask for this situation to hit me blind sided all of a sudden..
texting like a school girl...snd pictures of each other...
7:00 am a tex saying good morning grand pa taken the kids to school...9:00 hey dad having morning coffee break, love you...
cant wait to come for a visit...
give me a break, my heart is breaking here and my husband nor she cares what it makes me feel like...now im faced with a whole new family that i don’t know planning a vacation to my home! sharing my husband of 30 yrs to a child that was made during a one night stand of heavy drinking and parting in the 70's.
how many children are born into this situation of any yr and type of situation? my feelings are upside dwn...pre menopause divorced child moving back in with 2 children in tow...an x girlfriend of my son's that doesn’t even live in the same state any longer cause she befriended the divorced daughter...
our oldest daughter lives 2000 miles away and takes an attitude that what will be will be...but tells her dad he should be more 
sensitive to my feelings and not push this on me so fast and hard.
am i wrong for feeling hurt that he didn’t try from the start to stay in touch ?
am i wrong to feel hurt that he didn’t take into consideration 
my feelings
am i wrong that he says the something’s to her in jst 3 weeks
that he has said to our children for over 30 yrs?
am i wrong to feel there should had been a slow introduction of 
events within their life without each other at first?
i wonder how he might feel what he thinks...
but i still think he hoped that this day would never come.
i think he could had and would had been happy if it had not.
what do you think?


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