# Another step forward



## Agast84 (Dec 26, 2011)

It has been a longer than usual break from TAM for me, many things have changed. While we are still living in separate houses, I feel my wife and I are getting even closer. I am glad that this is happening now, because I would be in big trouble if not.
I believe she has had a personal breakthrough of sorts. 
We took another family trip(her mother was either mad,jealous, or both). 
When I dropped her and the kids off at her place,my MIL unleashed a week-long torrent of guilt, jealousy, and passive aggressiveness onto her loving daughter. However, it didn't quite work as it always has worked. My wife stood up for herself. She has not apologized,she has no reason to do so,nor does she plan to do so.
She has spent most of my wife's life making her feel bad or take care of adult matters. I am glad my wife has finally realized that this was going on. She is in the later stages of ending this cycle that has tormented her for more than 20 years. 
We have been discussing quite a bit lately. We have talked of a future home. However when the realization about her mother hit her, she said something along the lines: "We are working on our marriage, right?" I assured her I have been doing so to the best of my knowledge for a long time(I did kinda ask for marriage counseling 4 years ago(2 years well before the initial separation), to which she assured me she was, that she liked where we were, and that it was like we were dating again.
She imagines all sorts of freedom if her mom moves out, which she says she hopes happens several times a day, but she still seemed hesitant to let me back in. 
I just worry about her being alone, she has made some less than agreeable choices on her own. She is her own person though, I don't wish to control her, just be treated with the respect and love I always treat her with.


----------



## hibiscus (Jul 30, 2012)

Sorry but whats the history between you and your wife?


----------



## Agast84 (Dec 26, 2011)

hibiscus said:


> Sorry but whats the history between you and your wife?


Very abridged version:
Wife gave me a ILYBINILWY after 2 years of seemingly being unhappy with being married. In her words: I was a wonderful husband, a great father, and several other positive comments, she had fallen out of love because I didn't trust her. I had several reasons at the time to feel the way I did(unloved and worried about our marriage), I realize she was as stressed as a new parent and still young marriage (back to back kids) as was I, but I did my best to try to help while she seemed to pile more on me. As a new father I was working 12-40hrs a week, going to school part time , being a primary caregiver to 2 young kids as soon as I was off work and on my days off from 7am-5pm alone, and doing majority of cooing and cleaning. My work days started at 330am. I am not bragging, just trying to illustrated the stress.
She had time to herself, but often "needed me" when I would have down time.
After being separated, I figured out a great deal of my anger was the result of lies my mother in law told me. Apparently, my MIL told her own daughter lies about me. Unfortunately, she was living with us our entire marriage and doing things as I just described.


----------

