# Wife has absolutely no libido what-so-ever...



## AmericanMuscle (Apr 26, 2009)

I've got a serious problem... At least to me anyway. My wife and I have been married for two years, and sometimes I feel like we might as well just be roommates. First off, when we first met, she had a no sex before marriage rule. She was a virgin all the way up until when we got married. We were both 27 when we got married two years ago. I had sex before I met my wife so giving sex up was not easy. It was tough but I gave up sex for over almost two years before we got married because I loved her and respected her wish. The day we got married, we finally had sex. We had both are financially stable, and owned two houses and four cars between the two of us. We soon consolidated by selling of of the houses and one of the cars. Since we felt were were financially ready to have a child, we decided to start right away. A year later we had a beautiful daughter, who I love very much. The problem I am having though now, and that after my wife had gotten pregnant, which was about 6 weeks into the marriage, sex had slowly started to dwindle to nothing. At first I thought that maybe she just didn't feel comfortable having sex during the pregnancy, which I could totally understand, but her I am 2 years into our marriage, and we don't have sex at all. I have been going completely insane. I gave up sex for almost two years just to be with my wife. We have sex for about 6 weeks until she got pregnant, and now here I am again, with no sex life what-so-ever. I haven't had sex since November of 2006 and it's just plain not fair. Hell even in past relationships, years ago before I met my wife, I had sex all the time. Even when me and an ex of mine hated eachother's guts we had sex all the time. And here I have a wife who has absolutely no interest in sex at all. I'm not unattractive at all either. I bodybuild, and spend 5 days a week, lifting weights, at around 3 hours a session. I take good care of myself, and I have strong sexual confidence. I don't have to get into much more detail about that. She on the other had is letting herself go, and is on all sorts of anxiety meds, etc, which I hate and have tried talking her into weening off of them, but she doesn't want to. I have spoken to her on more than one occasion about this situation, and even sought out marriage counseling for a few weeks. She refused to go to the counselor with me, so after a while I just gave up on that, too. She just flat out doesn't care about anything, and it is leaving me extremely stressed and frustrated. I never used to look at other women, but now I can't help noticing. I have been faithful since day one, but everyday I feel more and more detached from my wife, because of this. I have been making an effort and acts like she doesn't even care. I've even started considering divorce, but I love my daughter too much to lose her. I feel trapped in this marriage, like this is some sort of evil joke. It's like being married to an emotionless zombie and I don't know what else to do... 

:cussing:


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## martino (May 12, 2008)

Allow her time with the pregnancy. I don't push for anything when wife is pregnant. 

After baby, get her off birth control if she is on it. That's a libido killer, after that make sure she is having orgasms every time. Bring in toys, egg vibrators are great for external stimulation while you are giving her internal. Just lodge the egg in between you and her and away you go. That is what worked for us.


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## AmericanMuscle (Apr 26, 2009)

martino said:


> Allow her time with the pregnancy. I don't push for anything when wife is pregnant.
> 
> After baby, get her off birth control if she is on it. That's a libido killer, after that make sure she is having orgasms every time. Bring in toys, egg vibrators are great for external stimulation while you are giving her internal. Just lodge the egg in between you and her and away you go. That is what worked for us.


She's not currently pregnant. That was during the first year of our marriage. She is still on birth control though, which I don't understand why, wince we don't have sex ever... As for the orgasms, she climaxed every time during the times that we did have sex. I hate to get into details on a forum about it but she would even squirt. One time, she even orgasmed so hard she farted, which was extremely awkward. I think a lot has to do with the anxiety medications she is on, but she refuses to even ask the doctor for lower dosages, let alone stop them completely. It's killing this marriage big time.


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## martino (May 12, 2008)

Well at least you have the problem pin pointed. Can she handle lowering the dosage? ask her if she's interested in Cognitive Behavior Therapy? no meds, pro-active problem solving with measured self analysis. 

Don't be afraid of going into details, this is an anonymous forum for exactly these problems.


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

If she is taking the pill, but not having sex with you, one has to ask if she is having sex with someone else, although given what you are saying, that seems unlikely.

However, something is odd here. A lot of guys would have given her an ultimatum by now, yet you have not. What happens when you discuss sex with her? What does she say about it?

As for your shyness about going into detail - forget it! If you want help around here, we need as much info as possible.


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

3 hours a day working out, when there is a small child at home? My guess is that in addition to some depression, your wife is deeply resentful of the burden she bears at home. There is really no way someone with a fulltime job and family can devote that much time to themselves without seriously ignoring family responsibilities. if I'm missing something, let me know. 

I have a couple of other ideas but will have to add later. Let me know if I am off the mark--but be sure you aren't rationalizing an exercise addiction and maybe some self-image problems before you light into me!


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

Do you try to connect with her in other ways besides sex?

You mention that you lift weights 3 hours a day. And you two have a young child. How do you do that? Do you share in taking care of your kid?

How involved in each others lives are you?

Also, have you specifically addressed the lack of sex in your marriage?

What does she say is her reason for avoiding intimacy? If what you say is true, she absolutely is avoiding it.


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## bluemoon (Mar 23, 2009)

This sounds very similar to the situation my husband and I are/were in, me being just like your wife. We have hardly had sex since our kids were born. I can tell you that in my situation, the main reasons were:

a) I was EXHAUSTED all the time from taking care of our son. I spent all day with him all over me, and the last thing I wanted at night was someone else touching me. After going through pregnancy and then having a young child, it's easy for a woman to feel like she's lost her own body. 

b) Body image. Pregnancy was not nice to my previously very hot body  I was downright ashamed for my husband to see my new body! So instead of letting him see, and possibly be very disappointed, I just stopped having sex with him. I can tell you that when we finally did, my husband made a huge point to keep telling me how beautiful he thought I was, and that helped a lot! Plus I've been exercising and eating well, and have lost all my baby weight and am feeling much better. With you being so into fitness, it might be making her feel a little worse about herself rather than seeing you as an inspiration. 

c) Postpartum depression. Being a mom is HARD, and the adjustment was very rough on me. I fell into a deep rut and didn't enjoy doing much of anything, including sex. Does your wife work, or is she home with your daughter? If she's home with your daughter, make sure she's out doing things and keeping herself happy. It's so hard being an at-home parent! 

d) Lost emotional connection with my husband. When we had kids, our marriage was put on the backburner. We stopped going out on dates, and really stopped spending quality time together. As a result, we lost our emotional connection, and we just didn't feel close to each other anymore. Sex didn't really seem that important with someone I didn't feel connected to. Once we made it a point to devote quality time to each other, dates without the kids etc, I wanted him again! 

e) Just plain no interest. I just didn't even want to do it. I can't explain why. There was even a period when the thought of sex repulsed me. Not because of my husband, but just actually doing it. I found the only cure for this particular part was to just DO IT even if I didn't want to, because I knew it was important to my husband. Once I was able to get over that bump, I wanted sex more than my husband 

If your wife is anything like I was, she probably doesn't realize how much this is hurting you. I just almost lost my husband over this, and I had no idea how much it bothered him until he moved out and said he was thinking about a divorce. I honestly thought sex just wasn't that important. You say it seems like she doesn't care, but maybe she is ashamed and embarrassed about whatever is keeping her from wanting sex, so it comes across as her not caring...?

I hope I helped you somewhat! Best of luck!


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