# Great sex, particularly horrible sex, and everything in between



## I Don't Know

that.girl said:


> Only if they are on the extreme end of the spectrum. So really only one, who was particularly horrible.
> 
> I honestly couldn't compare size. They all seemed average to me.


From the Virgin/wh*re thread. 

Ladies, or guys too, what makes sex horrible or even bad? Is it lack of sensation, lack of connection, or something else? What is it that makes it good or great? Anyone ever hear or use the term normal boring sex? If so what does that mean?

I don't think I've ever had horrible sex or even "meh" sex. Maybe one time when I wanted to throw up after, but really that was more a mental thing than actually being because the sex was so bad. So I'm really curious.


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## arbitrator

I Don't Know said:


> From the Virgin/wh*re thread.
> 
> Ladies, or guys too, what makes sex horrible or even bad? Is it lack of sensation, lack of connection, or something else? What is it that makes it good or great? Anyone ever hear or use the term normal boring sex? If so what does that mean?
> 
> I don't think I've ever had horrible sex or even "meh" sex. Maybe one time when I wanted to throw up after, but really that was more a mental thing than actually being because the sex was so bad. So I'm really curious.


*The absolute worst thing about sex is trying to have it with someone who, through their inactions or lack of arousal, pretty well demonstrates that they just don't want to be there; greatly imagining it to be about as cold and inhuman as trying to get it on with some "blow-up doll!" 

Nothing can quite crush a man's, or even a woman's, ego as badly as that!*


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## that.girl

The guy i was referencing in that post couldn't make it more than thirty seconds (and I'm not exaggerating).

He was also totally crazy, but that's another story.


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## GTdad

A little enthusiasm can more than make up for any lack of technique.


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## Middle of Everything

GTdad said:


> A little enthusiasm can more than make up for any lack of technique.


BINGO!

One would have to be REALLY bad technique-wise to not be able to make up for it with enthusiasm. 

On the flip side having sex with someone who is incredibly hot and "skilled", but shows ZERO enthusiasm? No thanks. Hello masturbation.


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## Holland

*sigh* I have not had really great sex in almost a week. Roll on Sunday when Mr H gets back from a week in the US. So for the last week I have had OK sex with my BOB.


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## norajane

The worst was a guy who must have thought clits are elevator buttons to be prodded and handled roughly. Breasts, too, though he spent very little time on foreplay. And then he wanted anal...hell no.

Some men only care about themselves during sex, and have zero interest in actually arousing a woman's body. The man I'm describing was not a bf for long after I realized his interest in sex was generally selfish and he couldn't learn that he was physically hurting me.


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## ConanHub

Holland said:


> *sigh* I have not had really great sex in almost a week. Roll on Sunday when Mr H gets back from a week in the US. So for the last week I have had OK sex with my BOB.


LOL! Feel for you. I'm good now but a while ago was going months without Mrs. Conan. I don't have a Bob or Betty for that matter.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## norajane

GTdad said:


> A little enthusiasm can more than make up for any lack of technique.


Not in my experience.


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## I Don't Know

norajane said:


> Not in my experience.


Ok so horrible painful sex can't be made up for with enthusiasm, it probably would make it even worse. But in your experience can enthusiasm take sex from good to great?


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## norajane

I Don't Know said:


> Ok so horrible painful sex can't be made up for with enthusiasm, it probably would make it even worse. But in your experience can enthusiasm take sex from good to great?


Yes, absolutely! 

MY enthusiasm for it can take it from good to great for me. HIS enthusiasm will play a part in my enthusiasm, and likely increases his _attention _to my body and my reactions. 

I don't think I've ever had sex with someone who wasn't enthusiastic about it, though. But for sure, that sounds dismal.


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## Anonymous07

What makes sex great? Someone who wants to please you(not selfish) and is enthusiastic. Technique isn't that important, but they should pay attention to how the other person is responding to improve upon things. Bad sex is the opposite.


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## michzz

norajane said:


> The worst was a guy* who must have thought clits are elevator buttons to be prodded and handled roughly*. Breasts, too, though he spent very little time on foreplay. And then he wanted anal...hell no.
> 
> Some men only care about themselves during sex, and have zero interest in actually arousing a woman's body. The man I'm describing was not a bf for long after I realized his interest in sex was generally selfish and he couldn't learn that he was physically hurting me.


In my experience,it varies from woman to woman or even the night, or even the time of the touching, arousal state.

That said, I knew a woman who could not get aroused unless her clit was handled pretty roughly.

I figured out though over the years that getting feedback about how "she" feels helps a lot.

Mind reader - not.


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## norajane

michzz said:


> In my experience,it varies from woman to woman or even the night, or even the time of the touching, arousal state.
> 
> That said, I knew a woman who could not get aroused unless her clit was handled pretty roughly.
> 
> I figured out though over the years that getting feedback about how "she" feels helps a lot.
> 
> Mind reader - not.


Yeah, my yelling "OW! OW! OW!" apparently was too subtle.


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## GTdad

michzz said:


> I figured out though over the years that getting feedback about how "she" feels helps a lot.





norajane said:


> Yeah, my yelling "OW! OW! OW!" apparently was too subtle.


I have been able to establish that spanking is NOT on my wife's "to do" list.


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## michzz

norajane said:


> The worst was a guy who must have thought clits are elevator buttons to be prodded and handled roughly. Breasts, too, though he spent very little time on foreplay. And then he wanted anal...hell no.
> 
> Some men only care about themselves during sex, and have zero interest in actually arousing a woman's body. The man I'm describing was not a bf for long after I realized his interest in sex was generally selfish and he couldn't learn that he was physically hurting me.





michzz said:


> In my experience,it varies from woman to woman or even the night, or even the time of the touching, arousal state.
> 
> That said, I knew a woman who could not get aroused unless her clit was handled pretty roughly.
> 
> I figured out though over the years that getting feedback about how "she" feels helps a lot.
> 
> Mind reader - not.





norajane said:


> Yeah, my yelling "OW! OW! OW!" apparently was too subtle.


Most of us would pause to see what the heck is wrong


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## norajane

Lila said:


> Thank you for posting this. I often feel like the lone inhabitant of No Spank Island.


You are not alone!


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## lucy999

I Don't Know said:


> Ladies, or guys too, what makes sex horrible or even bad? Is it lack of sensation, lack of connection, or something else? What is it that makes it good or great? Anyone ever hear or use the term normal boring sex? If so what does that mean?


I couldn't give two whits about connection during sex. I'm such a dude about sex. No emo for me.

Bad sex is being lazy in bed. It's free! It burns calories! It makes you feel good! Let's get it on!

Normal boring sex is doing the same thing over and over again. Same movements, same position, nothing varied-predictable.
Not necessarily bad per se, but . . . meh. It leaves you wishing you had ordered the duck instead of the chicken. Variety is the spice of life.

Great sex doesn't have to end in an O for me. Great sex is a palpable lust that overcomes us both and my partner showing uber masculinity which makes me feel even more feminine.


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## lifeistooshort

arbitrator said:


> *The absolute worst thing about sex is trying to have it with someone who, through their inactions or lack of arousal, pretty well demonstrates that they just don't want to be there; greatly imagining it to be about as cold and inhuman as trying to get it on with some "blow-up doll!"
> 
> Nothing can quite crush a man's, or even a woman's, ego as badly as that!*



Sex with someone that doesn't give a hoot about your pleasure is up there.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## norajane

Lila said:


> You can't see it but I'm giving you a virtual five.


Come sit under my palm tree on No Spank Island. I've been here a while, and know where to find the good margaritas.


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## lucy999

norajane said:


> Come sit under my palm tree on No Spank Island. I've been here a while, and know where to find the good margaritas.


Will you float a margarita in a bottle for me to Spank Island?


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## RClawson

I believe early on in our marriage sex was mediocre for both of us. I had no experience and she had very little (I think). I really wanted it to be better but what it took was her taking some walls down about 6 years into our marriage. 

From there it was this incredible crescendo and it was between 5-8 years ago when it was mind blowing (both of us would agree). Whatever really happened after that I believe I will never know but it has had a devastating effect on physical and emotional intimacy. I will not initiate sex ever again. She does once a week and I am ok with that. 

When I consider the entire spectrum of our marriage I am at a loss to describe the evolution of it all, but what I think it is now is an exercise of instruction on how I should get her off. I guess presently I would categorize it as mediocre.


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## badsanta

Hey That.Girl. 

I once dated this girl for a while that was totally nuts. She did horrible things to me after I cheated with her roommate. I remember I had a hard time lasting with her, which kind of hurts. She made a lot of fun of me about that. She used to make me wear her spiked red heels in bed to try and distract me, but I still could not make it the 30 seconds...

Badsanta


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## FrenchFry

I'll row on over from the No Hair Pull Keys. :rofl:

Enthusiam is good, but not the key to great sex for me.

So a few things.

#1. Listening. 100% actually listening, not sort of listening and doing your own thing anyway or listening and getting upset about what was said. Listen and apply. I'm willing to direct, but without enthusiastic listening ears, eventually I give up.

#2 Paying attention. This goes with listening, but if I'm laying there, rolling my eyes things are not going well. Paying attention also conveys a level of intensity that one isn't just "going through the motions," but actually seeing your partners responses.

#3 Intuition. This is probably the most difficult to explain, but the difference between good sex and great sex is intuiting what your partner is looking for *this* experience and accommodating as such. Both ways, btw. No selfishness here.

Then further down the list is Enthusiasm and technique. Enthusiasm is easy to have when you are into it and technique is a non-issue if you listen and pay attention.

Because intuition doesn't really start to fall in line until Listening and Paying Attention has been mastered, Great Sex (for me) isn't attainable for awhile Horrible sex is a lack of all of the above. Good sex is usually missing just one of those elements.


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## Runs like Dog

You know what wrecks it? Listening to you go all Gilmore Girls discussing it afterwards. Seriously, STFU. For once.


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## badsanta

that.girl said:


> The guy i was referencing in that post couldn't make it more than thirty seconds (and I'm not exaggerating).
> 
> He was also totally crazy, but that's another story.


Hey That.Girl, 

If you want to talk about horrible sex, this one girl I once dated still sucked her thumb as a grown woman and it mess up her front teeth so much that it had caused a deviated septum (I actually felt horrible for her), that when we would make out that sometimes her nose would run and drain onto my face. It really freaked me out and threw me off my game. 

Your personality sound so much like her. She was real big into technology and was an IT systems admin that always worked kind of behind the scenes. Awkward thing is other than her nose issues, she was super hot and I could never last more than 30 seconds with her. 

Badsanta


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## richardsharpe

Good evening all
Good sex is a combination of:

Enthusiasm from your partner - to have them greatly desire you

Openness - being with someone who lets you know (verbally or not) what they do and do not enjoy, and who does not have "land mines" (eg, they let you know if they don't like something, but don't imply that you are a pervert for suggesting it).

Compatible attitudes - whether you are gentle lovers, or dom / sub or wild / crazy, or kinky. All these are great but you need to be able to enjoy the same thing at the same time.

Technique - this is certainly great, but without the other items, its not worth that much.


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## that.girl

badsanta said:


> Hey That.Girl.
> 
> I once dated this girl for a while that was totally nuts. She did horrible things to me after I cheated with her roommate. I remember I had a hard time lasting with her, which kind of hurts. She made a lot of fun of me about that. She used to make me wear her spiked red heels in bed to try and distract me, but I still could not make it the 30 seconds...
> 
> Badsanta


LOL, that is weird. My guy wore heels sometimes too, but that was all his doing. He also had a bunch of hamsters, there had to be at least 20. They would run in those clear tunnels all over the place. It always kind of freaked me out, it felt like they were watching us have sex. 

He was totally crazy.


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## badsanta

that.girl said:


> LOL, that is weird. My guy wore heels sometimes too, but that was all his doing. He also had a bunch of hamsters, there had to be at least 20. They would run in those clear tunnels all over the place. It always kind of freaked me out, it felt like they were watching us have sex.
> 
> He was totally crazy.


OMG, 

What did you think of his Hamsters. I absolutely love mine. I now have over 30. The kids love them and I built tubes that go all over the WHOLE house. They are awesome. 

My favorite little guy was name Stinkerbell. I think he freaked out my old girl friend!!!!!

BadSanta


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## that.girl

badsanta said:


> If you want to walkabout horrible sex, this one girl I once dated still sucked her thumb as a grown woman and it mess up her front teeth so much that it had caused a deviated septum (I actually felt horrible for her), that when we would make out that sometimes her nose would run and drain onto my face. It really freaked me out and threw me off my game.


That's rough. I have a deviated septum, it can drip at really awkward moments. Once it accidentally dripped onto a guys face and I was so embarrassed!


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## badsanta

that.girl said:


> That's rough. I have a deviated septum, it can drip at really awkward moments. Once it accidentally dripped onto a guys face and I was so embarrassed!


No way... This is way too deja vu!

Any chance you had a roommate named Chrissy that always used to tease you about how much you like to eat mayo on everything?


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## that.girl

badsanta said:


> OMG,
> 
> What did you think of his Hamsters. I absolutely love mine. I now have over 30. The kids love them and I built tubes that go all over the WHOLE house. They are awesome.
> 
> My favorite little guy was name Stinkerbell. I think he freaked out my old girl friend!!!!!
> 
> BadSanta


Stinkerbell?

Did you ever live in Nashville?


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## badsanta

that.girl said:


> Stinkerbell?
> 
> Did you ever live in Nashville?


O ... M ... Freak'n.... G!!!!!

Is that you? 

I have always thought of you so much, and our break up was so horrible. I MEAN BAD, that not a day goes by that I do not think about us. You mind if we hash out what went wrong?

Charles


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## that.girl

badsanta said:


> O ... M ... Freak'n.... G!!!!!
> 
> Is that you?
> 
> I have always thought of you so much, and our break up was so horrible. I MEAN BAD, that not a day goes by that I do not think about us. You mind if we hash out what went wrong?
> 
> Charles


Ok, this is kind of weird. 

"Hash out what went wrong"? You know what went wrong, you slept with my roommate! And i hated those creepy hamsters!


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## badsanta

that.girl said:


> Ok, this is kind of weird.
> 
> "Hash out what went wrong"? You know what went wrong, you slept with my roommate! And i hated those creepy hamsters!


This is all I have of you! You remember this old room of mine. Those are your cloths hanging there to the side. Everytime I see this picture, I remember all the times we would get it on. If my wife found out I still think about you AND Chrissy, OMG she would kill me.










How is Chrissy these days. I am so sorry for what happened. She was into kinky stuff!!! She once tied me up and took me against my will, but I liked it so much we could not stop ourselves. I AM SO SORRY I HURT YOU!!!!


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## Married but Happy

Enthusiasm usually makes sex good, but you also need technique to make it extraordinary. And great technique includes a large portion of paying attention to your partner's responses and adjusting accordingly to maximize the sensations.


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## that.girl

badsanta said:


> How is Chrissy these days. I am so sorry for what happened. She was into kinky stuff!!! She once tied me up and took me against my will, but I liked it so much we could not stop ourselves. I AM SO SORRY I HURT YOU!!!!


I can't believe you still have that pic! 

I was really upset about you and Chrissy. But i shouldn't have set your hamsters loose outside, i feel really bad about that. That was uncalled for.

I should probably tell you that Chrissy is in "transition" right now. She goes by Chris. We don't talk much anymore, but last i heard she was trying to get a truckers license.


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## badsanta

that.girl said:


> I can't believe you still have that pic!
> 
> I was really upset about you and Chrissy. But i shouldn't have set your hamsters loose outside, i feel really bad about that. That was uncalled for.
> 
> I should probably tell you that Chrissy is in "transition" right now. She goes by Chris. We don't talk much anymore, but last i heard she was trying to get a truckers license.


Look, you mind if we talk about things. Just like when I was with you that I could only last 30 seconds, I still have that problem but I have gotten better. 

If I can give you some constructive criticism and probably why you still have problems in your relationships, is you are going to have to stop sucking your thumb. When I would sleep with you at night you would make all kinds of sucking noises, and that was why I would get up and leave. 

Chrissy saw me walking through the living room one night before I could get back dressed and she kind of attacked me. She was REALLY aggressive. Sad to say, I can so see her becoming a trucker now a days.

Anyway, back to us. Was there anything that you ever really liked about me. I was so hurt by the way things ended. I forgive you for the hamsters...


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## that.girl

I've been working on the thumb sucking, it's been hard. But i wish you'd told me it bothered you... i didn't realize that's why you were getting up at night. 

I'll admit, i really liked that thing you used to do with the pickles, that was pretty cool.


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## badsanta

Hey, 

Do you by any chance still have that old DVD of Bobcat Goldthwait I left in your old apartment? There are two discs in there, and one is of us.

Did you ever find it?


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## that.girl

Yeah, i found it. 

I'll PM you about that.


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## ConanHub

If that wasn't staged it was pretty fvcking awesome you two! Way cool!!&#55357;&#56833;
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## happy as a clam

:scratchhead: 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Anon Pink

I need clarification on the pickles.

What was on the disks?

What ever happened to the hamsters? I hope the weather was mild at least.


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## alexm

GTdad said:


> A little enthusiasm can more than make up for any lack of technique.


:iagree:

In my meagre experience, I've been with women who range from "virgin and clueless" to "experienced and knowledgeable".

The best pure sex I've ever had was with a woman who had almost zero technique but was SO into it, it made all the difference in the world. There were a couple of times I was thinking to myself "what is she doing??" but her enthusiasm more than made up for it!

That and she talked kind of dirty the whole time, which is a HUGE plus. Lots of compliments my way and she wasn't shy about making noise, either. And lots of eye contact!

As long as it's genuine, that's all most of us guys need! An ego boost and an enthusiastic partner.

On the flip side, my wife - who can be amazing in bed and knows what the hell she's doing even on the worst days - is often not as vocal, and she's an "eyes closed" kind of person.

Occasionally she pipes up and talks, and when she does, it's absolute perfection. Her technique and experience are just the icing on the cake.

But over all, I'd take a vocal and enthusiastic partner with little or no technique over the opposite.


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## badsanta

ConanHub said:


> If that wasn't staged it was pretty fvcking awesome you two! Way cool!!��
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Hi Conan, 

That.girl and I were private messaging all night. It is true that we actually did have a relationship in the past and I had lost touch with her. Our relationship ended very abruptly and we had many issues that were never got closure. Currently we are working through some very serious issues together, and we are likely going to need some help from the kind folks at TAM on our dilemmas.

Badsanta


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## badsanta

Anon Pink said:


> I need clarification on the pickles.
> 
> What was on the disks?
> 
> What ever happened to the hamsters? I hope the weather was mild at least.


Hi Anon, 

As for my hamsters I hope they found new homes somehow. I don't think that.girl would have let them out into the wild as they can not survive. I am hoping she found someone else that wanted some or took them back to the pet store. That is one of our issues that I would rather not talk about and try to move past it because it makes me cry.

As for the disc and pickles, I think it is best not to talk about that right now!

Badsanta


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## happy as a clam

badsanta said:


> Currently we are working through some very serious issues together, and we are likely going to need some help from the kind folks at TAM on our dilemmas.


My, this IS interesting. Call me slow, but are you saying that you two randomly figured out, on TAM, your real identities?

I guess it really is a small world.

:scratchhead: (Sorry, haven't had my morning coffee yet.)


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## badsanta

happy as a clam said:


> My, this IS interesting. Call me slow, but are you saying that you two randomly figured out, on TAM, your real identities?
> 
> :scratchhead: (Sorry, haven't had my morning coffee yet.)


Yes, when you start sharing private details about yourself that only you have experienced, it will be obvious to the other person that you shared those with. 

As for right now That.girl stopped talking to me and is not responding to my PM's anymore. I wanted so bad to see her again now that she is single. I am pretty sure she just wants nothing to do with me....


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## happy as a clam

badsanta said:


> As for right now That.girl stopped talking to me and is not responding to my PM's anymore. I wanted so bad to see her again now that she is single. I am pretty sure she just wants nothing to do with me....


Well, maybe it's for the best. Probably not a good idea to see her again -- might upset your wife


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy

Didn't you have a lot more than 15 posts? If you aren't also single, probably best to not PM her.


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## badsanta

SlowlyGoingCrazy said:


> Didn't you have a lot more than 15 posts? If you aren't also single, probably best to not PM her.


We exchanged some harsh words last night and well.... long story short I went back and deleted ALL the posts as I kind of feel the need to protect my privacy a little at the moment with things I have said in the past about my wife and family.


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## richardsharpe

The internet is not nearly as anonymous as people think it is.


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## happy as a clam

richardsharpe said:


> The internet is not nearly as anonymous as people think it is.


No kidding... richardsharpe -- wasn't that YOU I danced with at a nightclub in Vegas...??

:rofl: :lol:

(Now, I KNOW you know I'm joking. I haven't been to Vegas since I was there with my parents at age 13)....

Seriously though, what are the odds of two people figuring out who they are on an "Anonymous" internet forum? Makes me rethink everything. Of course, I have always spoken the truth on TAM and have nothing to hide, so I guess it really doesn't matter after all.


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## richardsharpe

It can be scary. 
For a short time I thought that one of the frequent posters here was an ex. (whom I still think of very fondly after >25 years). I quickly read a lot of her posts and finally convinced myself that it wasn't her.

Often there are people here I wish I knew in real life - and sometimes I wonder if I do.....




happy as a clam said:


> No kidding... richardsharpe -- wasn't that YOU I danced with at a nightclub in Vegas...??
> 
> :rofl: :lol:
> 
> (Now, I KNOW you know I'm joking. I haven't been to Vegas since I was there with my parents at age 13)....
> 
> Seriously though, what are the odds of two people figuring out who they are on an "Anonymous" internet forum? Makes me rethink everything. Of course, I have always spoken the truth on TAM and have nothing to hide, so I guess it really doesn't matter after all.


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## soccermom2three

badsanta said:


> Hi Conan,
> 
> That.girl and I were private messaging all night. It is true that we actually did have a relationship in the past and I had lost touch with her. Our relationship ended very abruptly and we had many issues that were never got closure. Currently we are working through some very serious issues together, and we are likely going to need some help from the kind folks at TAM on our dilemmas.
> 
> Badsanta


What is there to work through? You're married, she's not. It would be inappropriate.


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## happy as a clam

soccermom2three said:


> What is there to work through? You're married, she's not. It would be inappropriate.


I agree. But apparently, that.girl has other designs:

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/249393-let-past-go.html

The whole thing is troubling. badsanta came here for a "safe" place to vent; now that.girl is contemplating wrecking his whole life.


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## Fozzy

something something hamsters something something mayo...or was it pickles....and a trucker....

Anyway, this is awesome. Please continue.


Best. Threadjack. EVAR.


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## Tall Average Guy

Fozzy said:


> something something hamsters something something mayo...or was it pickles....and a trucker....
> 
> Anyway, this is awesome. Please continue.
> 
> 
> Best. Threadjack. EVAR.


This is either the most amazing coincidence I have ever seen or the greatest piece of performance art I have ever witnessed.

Either way, I hope it continues.


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## Married but Happy

happy as a clam said:


> Seriously though, what are the odds of two people figuring out who they are on an "Anonymous" internet forum? Makes me rethink everything.


It they really know each other, that would be extremely low odds. However, having experienced my own improbable event years ago, I can say it does happen.

Back in my dating days, I was on match. I was messaged by a woman (call her S) in Tokyo. We corresponded for about 6 months. A woman in Maryland (call her J) then started corresponding - she was originally from S. Korea. A couple of months later, J said she was going to S. Korea to visit her parents, stopping in Japan to visit a friend who was going to accompany her. S told me she had a friend from the states coming to visit soon, and was going with her to S. Korea.

I quickly put these revelations together, and asked each if they knew the other. Well, yes, indeed! They had been college roommates years before in the Midwest. Both had joined match and independently contacted me.

Fast forward 5 years, and I was still in touch with them. S came to stay with me and run in the Boston Marathon. J came up for the weekend. That was the first time I'd met either of them in person, and the first time they'd seen each other since their shared trip.


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## Deejo

Married but Happy said:


> It they really know each other, that would be extremely low odds. However, having experienced my own improbable event years ago, I can say it does happen.
> 
> Back in my dating days, I was on match. I was messaged by a woman (call her S) in Tokyo. We corresponded for about 6 months. A woman in Maryland (call her J) then started corresponding - she was originally from S. Korea. A couple of months later, J said she was going to S. Korea to visit her parents, stopping in Japan to visit a friend who was going to accompany her. S told me she had a friend from the states coming to visit soon, and was going with her to S. Korea.
> 
> I quickly put these revelations together, and asked each if they knew the other. Well, yes, indeed! They had been college roommates years before in the Midwest. Both had joined match and independently contacted me.
> 
> Fast forward 5 years, and I was still in touch with them. S came to stay with me and run in the Boston Marathon. J came up for the weekend. That was the first time I'd met either of them in person, and the first time they'd seen each other since their shared trip.


But ... no pickles or hamsters?


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## Deejo

We are Talk About Marriage.

We put the Func in Dysfunction.

Please take it private or take it elsewhere.

If you continue to post or inquire about your previous 'escapades' for little more than the titillation of the viewing audience, you will both be banned.


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## MountainRunner

OMG...That dialog between that.girl and badsanta is simply too funny. Well played you two. My wife and here are rolling with tears in our eyes. *applauds*


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## badsanta

Deejo said:


> We are Talk About Marriage.
> 
> We put the Func in Dysfunction.
> 
> Please take it private or take it elsewhere.
> 
> If you continue to post or inquire about your previous 'escapades' for little more than the titillation of the viewing audience, you will both be banned.


Hi Deejo, 

Don't want to offend anyone. This is a great site and I feel it has helped me work through a lot of issues. Please do not ban me in my moment of need. 

Can you suggest a place for me to get help as I feel it is best not to talk in private with others as some have very different opinions and I need help.

Thanks....


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## Anon Pink

Fun in dysfunction...
:lol:


Anon Pink is easily amused.


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## Married but Happy

Deejo said:


> But ... no pickles or hamsters?


No, but there was kimchi, and a Sheltie. Not at the same time. And a Stephen Hawking sighting in a restaurant near Harvard.

The story didn't end there, though. Three weeks later I was in Japan with my British girlfriend "N" from Hong Kong, and we met up with S who gave us a tour of Tokyo. On my return to NYC (before returning to Boston), I met my Bombay pen-pal "D" and her husband and daughter for lunch. It was shortly after this that I met my wife, also on match.


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## Deejo

badsanta said:


> Hi Deejo,
> 
> Don't want to offend anyone. This is a great site and I feel it has helped me work through a lot of issues. Please do not ban me in my moment of need.
> 
> Can you suggest a place for me to get help as I feel it is best not to talk in private with others as some have very different opinions and I need help.
> 
> Thanks....


There is a 'Find a Therapist' search function in the upper right of the TAM page.

Suggest you try a professional.


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## RedRose14

This is funny, I've read this thread from the beginning and I would never have foreseen how it would progress ... Badsanta and an ex-girlfriend realising they knew each other and potentially rekindling things ... shock horror ...I don't know you Badsanta so excuse me for sticking my nose in but like Soccermom says if you are married you should not be attempting to build a relationship with someone on TAM, it's not what TAM is about.


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## richardsharpe

Good evening badsanta
I suggest you exchange emails in a private message if you want to stay in touch.


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## Marriedwithdogs

My ex was on top and fell asleep on me (only 21) once. That was an ego killer. To my credit, he had been up for 20+ hrs, and he wasn't your typical horny male. In fact I was the one always initiating!


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## WandaJ

It is interesting divide: enthusiasm seems to be much more important for men, while technique makes a big difference for women. Kind of make sense. I have not yet slept with a man who would not be enthusiastic about that. But this itself wasn't enough to make me enthusiastic about it, if he did not know how to make is good for me too.


In a way, you can look at this as "if she ain't happy, nobody is happy"


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## 'CuseGal

For me the worst sex is any sex that isn't 100% consensual. When the husband browbeats his wife into it with guilt trips even when she's really not interested at the moment, that's not 100% consensual in my book. When the husband basically forces himself on her while she's asleep, that's not consensual. I don't care that they're married. It's wrong.

I think great sex would be awesome chemistry combined with a strong emotional connection. Despite 20 years of marriage I don't think I've ever had it. What I had with my exH was never more than OK. I suppose that might be part of the reason he went looking elsewhere.


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