# Lost my Luster



## Num & Nummer (Sep 30, 2011)

Hello. This is my first post but from reading some of the information I think this will be a great way for my husband and I to attempt to restore our relationship. We have been together for nearly 15 years...high school sweet hearts. Married for the last 5 I can't really say there have been too many "happy" years. Our lives are so filled with kids, work, school, hobbies, responsibilities, etc. that we never make time for each other and have managed to drift completely apart. I know I don't give him the "attention" he needs as a man but I am usually so exhausted and completely numb to any kind of sexual behavior that I feel like I could go on never do it again. I know I'm not the only woman who feels like this but how do I overcome it?


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

You overcome it by looking at it the same way you look at caring for your kids, or meeting your obligations at work ...

because it's important ... because you should.

Mentally check off your top 3 priorities, if your marriage isn't first ... well then you now you know why yourself and so many others feel about marriage the way that you do.

Ask yourself and your husband some simple questions.

What do you want your marriage to be like?

Then do it.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

by being realistic in your expectations about what marriage is supost to be.

you indicate that you have neglected him sexually for awhile.
start there ,save some of your energy for making love to your man .

on your death bed you will never say I wish I didn't make love so often.

you might be surprised at how happy and rejuvinated you feel after connecting with your man.


hey give it a try start by say I'm going to bang him 3 times aweek or whatever frequency that would be a big improvement for a month and see what happens.at the end of the month reevaluate and see if things are getting better. 

its kinda like starting an exercize program you just have to start or it will never happen


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

I agree with the other posters.

Have you looked at ways that you could manage your life to try and cut back on the 'busy-ness' of it so that you are not so exhausted and stressed?

Start to move your husband and marriage up on your priority list. Look at the 'things' you've currently got going on in your life and really think about whether they are that important for you to do. If not, then minimize or eliminate them.

Look at even simple ways that you could try and connect with your husband on a daily basis - verbalizing how you appreciate him and what he does, touching his shoulder/hair when he's sitting at the dinner table, reaching for his hand when you go out.

God Bless.


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## Nickitta (May 12, 2011)

You have to make time for your marriage in your busy schedule. Have you heard about "date nights". At least once a week, plan something for just you and your partner, away from the children. It can be anything as long as you both enjoy it (walk in the park, going to a restaurant, etc...). If you leave things the way they are, the distance between you and your spouse will one day become too big for you to cross.


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## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

It requires a balanced approach But the spouse must come first and then the children. 

Popular culture will tell you the reverse but the only time the child should come first is when it is a infant or small toddler. After that your focus should shift back to the spouse. This is a general principle of course some specific cases will come up that require a brief reversal of that role.


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## uphillbattle (Aug 17, 2011)

I just can't buy the whole not enough time, too tired excuse. I work 12 hours a day, we have 5 kids including a toddler. 

I come home from work (yes I am tired as hell, I have a phyical job), make dinner (she offers too make dinner but I enjoy cooking) We help the kids with homework. We fold and put away the laundry she did that day. We spend about an hour either doing things with the kids together or individualy. One of us puts the toddler to bed while the other gets all the other children settled down. After all is settled down we grab a coffee, go out to the car and have about a half hour to an hour of just sitting down having a smoke or 2 drinking coffee while listening to music and just B.S.ing. Then we go inside, paly a game (lately it has been uno but it changes quite a bit). When we settle down, usualy atleast one of us gets a massage, after this well, after this it depends but you get the point.

Marriage is not easy, it is a job in and of itself. Just like any other job, if you are lazy you will eventually get fired (or in this case you may just be miserable for the rest of your life). If you make the effort and put your marriage as a high priority you can make it work.


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## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

Stonewall said:


> It requires a balanced approach But the spouse must come first and then the children.
> 
> Popular culture will tell you the reverse but the only time the child should come first is when it is a infant or small toddler. After that your focus should shift back to the spouse. This is a general principle of course some specific cases will come up that require a brief reversal of that role.



The best thing you can give your children is to be happy in your marriage.


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