# Not giving up!!!



## daddy2184 (Feb 17, 2012)

Here is the story. My wife and I have been married for 4 years (5 years in May 2012). We have 4 kids that live in the home with us, twins that are 7, a boy who is 5, and a girl that just turned three. I am the biological father for the three year old and I am "daddy" for the other three children as their fathers are not around. During my wife's pregancy with the three year old, my wife accused me of sleeping with another female. I have told her time and time again that nothing happened. It seems from that point on she lost her trust in me, even though nothing happened. Since then our problems have started and have reached its peak over the past couple of months. My wife started to hang out with one of her good girl friends quite frequently and on a regular basis. It has gotten to the point where it is almost everyday and the kids have noticed saying, "Where is Mommy?", "Why is Mommy always Leaving?", "Why does Mommy never do anything with us?" While she leaves, I am at home with the kids. During the Christmas Holiday, I took 10 days off from work. Her sister had her wedding out of town and my wife she was going to spend a few more days to spend time with her family, which I was ok with. Upon her return from out of town, we hardly were able to spend time together while she continued to spend time with her girl friend by going to a movie (the day before I had to go back to work), going to see a band play (the day after seeing a movie), etc. This got me jealuous as I felt that there was no husband and wife time and we had a huge argument right before New Year's. This brought on anxiety, stress, and shaking for her which she tells me is all my fault. I am Sorrry, I told her how I felt and what I thought was going on, so i do not feel responsible. She has went to the doctor who has prescribed some pills but she says she should not have to take pills to be "happy." After the New Year, we started to get along ok until 2 weeks ago when she told me she was not happy in our marriage and was not in love with me anymore. I am not sure if she is also not Happy in General. I have taken this hard and have tried to cope with this. I have started seeing a counselor for myself and hope that my wife is going through a "phase" and will see what she has in front of her. I do the majority of the things around the house, wake up the kids for school, take them to school, cook dinner, laundry, etc. I love my wife with all my heart and put everything into our marriage and I am praying everything turns for the better soon. I believe God will do/allow want he wants. We still live in the same house and sleep in the same bed but my wife's states we are "no longer together". My wife does not work and I provide and pay for all of the bills. I have just recently started doing the Love Dare to show that my love is there for her and is not going anywhere. I do rub her back still every night, get her anything she wants (because I Love and Care for her) and when we are together I still feel a sense of chemistry together. I understand that you can not make or force someone to fall in love with you, but based on actions I feel this can change, after all, Actions Speak Louder then Words. I have a few business trips that are coming up that will have us apart and will hopefully be beneficial to our situation.

Any thoughts or advice to this situation is welcome, Thanks


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## MSP (Feb 9, 2012)

Your wife is probably having an affair--and least an emotional affair--or maybe just random sex. Rubbing her back will not help. You going away on a business trip will not help.

Read MMSL and NMMNG. Install a keylogger on her computer, if she uses one regularly, and hide a voice-activated recorder in her car. Put one in the house when you go away, too. 

I don't want to insult your wife, but the fact that she has had four kids with four different men does not bode well for her sticking power in relationships.


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## This is me (May 4, 2011)

This sounds very fimilar to a wayward wife. In some of these stories there is another person who is gaining her emotional connect and robbing yours.

MC right away if you can. Be prepared for some surprises ahead.

I agree her history is telling of commitment issues.


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## daddy2184 (Feb 17, 2012)

I have suggested MC and she says she is past MC. I know her history shows as if she is a bad person, but everyone has issues and make mistakes and can change. Today is Day 4 of the Love Dare, so far so good, I have heard it gets harder as the days go, so we shall see!!


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## ArmyofJuan (Dec 29, 2010)

daddy2184 said:


> I have just recently started doing the Love Dare to show that my love is there for her and is not going anywhere. I do rub her back still every night, get her anything she wants (because I Love and Care for her) and when we are together I still feel a sense of chemistry together. I understand that you can not make or force someone to fall in love with you, but based on actions I feel this can change, after all, Actions Speak Louder then Words.


Yea, this is not going to work, if anything it will push her away more. You can't "nice" her back, it just makes you look weak and pathetic now. Didn't work for me, can't say I've seen it work for anyone.

She wants out, let her go. Give her what she "says" she wants and let her see how the real world treats her without you kissing her a$$ all the time. She wants to be single but the minute she is she'll want to be married again. 

You need to do a 180 and pretty much the opposite of what you are trying to do now. I saw Fireproof to with my W and even though she liked it and I even got the Love Dare book, it didn't stop her leaving again. Its a big waste of time IMO. 

She knows how much you love her, its just that it doesn't matter. What matters is how much she loves you. Loving her more isn't going to make her fall in love with you again. It also sounds like she is having an affair.

Tough love dude, it works wonders.


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## MSP (Feb 9, 2012)

Stuff like The Love Dare might be a good way of strengthening a marriage that doesn't have serious issues. It's probably also good for guys who have a devoted wife but are too selfish. In your situation it's not going to help. It is not a bad thing to do, but it's not the important thing to do right now. 

You don't renovate your house while it's on fire.


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## daddy2184 (Feb 17, 2012)

So what you are saying is I should let her be, focus on myself and the kids??


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## Stevethe pirate (Feb 17, 2012)

In the same boat dude. I understand. Take a deep breath and realize that you will probably be doing this alone. Do something for you, take care of your responsibilities with the kids and enjoy yourself. Don't spy on her or even act like you care if she is out screwing around. Take care of your family even though your now one less.


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## CantBeJustMe (Jan 27, 2012)

daddy2184 said:


> So what you are saying is I should let her be, focus on myself and the kids??


Did you see the post with the links? Go to WWW.MARRIEDMANSEXLIFE.COM right now.

Order the book, you can download it from Amazon for like $10. The LOVE DARE isn’t going to do anything. 

No offense, but GOD isn’t going to save your marriage. That’s up to you.

Next up you need to verify if she’s having an affair or not. “Going out with her girlfriend” all the time is a bit odd. Girls night outs are great. But when you have a house full of little kids, you shouldn’t be out every other night.

Sounds like she accused you of having an affair. This played out one of two ways.

She felt isolated at home with kids while you worked, maybe you had a female friend and got close to her or whatever, she saw this and thought you were having an affair. Regardless of what you did or didn’t do, doesn’t really matter at this point, seems she things you did anyway.

OR

She was already getting emotionally involved with someone else (Did she go online a lot while you were working and she was home?) and she tried to push it towards you having an affair. Shifting the blame is a common thing, it’s guilt driven by people doing something they know is wrong, and they feel bad but don’t WANT To feel bad.

All the nights out? You are the sole income?

I’d verify an emotional or physical affair. READ THE BOOK in the link.

She’s not attracted to all the NICE stuff you do. She’s obviously perfectly fine with you working, then coming home and being the caretaker while she pretends she’s single.

You need to stop that immediately. You’ve got a lot to research and read in a short time it sounds like. Being nice isn’t going to cut it. It just isn’t. Good luck.


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## CantBeJustMe (Jan 27, 2012)

Stevethe pirate said:


> In the same boat dude. I understand. Take a deep breath and realize that you will probably be doing this alone. Do something for you, take care of your responsibilities with the kids and enjoy yourself. Don't spy on her or even act like you care if she is out screwing around. Take care of your family even though your now one less.


You need to go here too:

Married Man Sex Life

You deserve to know if your wife is sleeping around. Why the hell should he support a woman who doesn't work, he's already supporting her kids from previous relationship and now he's the primary caregiver when he's not working?

You don't have to sit around and then give up. It's gut check time. Man up.

It's not easy, and it may end up still ending in divorce. But guess what? If you don't learn theses MARRIAGE ESSENTIAL Tools for a MAN, you'll end up in the same disappointed position again.

Don't LET things happen to you. Be Proactive.


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