# Is this a good or bad idea??



## StephenG (Nov 22, 2012)

My wife separated from me over a month now, I have had no contact with her and I've heard nothing more from her on the divorce.

When we first separated I made plans to go with OW to Tennessee for a little get away, somehow my wife found out and on the phone she sounded very upset and got angry. 

The first night she left I did my begging and pleading for another chance and she said no..

Well now here I am today and I have heard nothing from my wife about her wanting to fix things with me. I am suppose to leave for Tennessee in the early morning, but I have this feeling that if she were to find out I went then "IF" she had any thought of fixing us it will be shot the pieces. 
The OW has already bought her plane ticket and everything and I am driving 8 hours to meet her at the airport so I would feel bad if I backed out, but then on the other hand I am nervous I would blow my chance if I had one with my wife on reconciliation.. 
Even more nervous if by some miracle she text me WHILE I'm in Tennessee... 

I've also got my wife's phone records coming to me, so I should have them by the time I get back from the trip and if I see nothing fishy in there I intend to send a letter to her as my last shot in the dark to try to get her to fix things with me.

Do I go on the trip?


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## Orpheus (Jul 6, 2012)

Are you kidding me? You want to fix things with your wife but you're going to go on vacation with your mistress in the interim and wonder if it's ok?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## StephenG (Nov 22, 2012)

Orpheus said:


> Are you kidding me? You want to fix things with your wife but you're going to go on vacation with your mistress in the interim and wonder if it's ok?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It would not be a hard choice if my wife gave my ANY kind of sign that she was considering giving us another chance, but this entire time she has given me nothing.

Every talk i have had with her she had told me "I'm sorry i can't do it"
"What we have is broken and can't be mended"
"You know that feeling when you look at someone and you love them? When I look at you now I don't feel that"

Things like that were/are said anytime I bring up wanting to fix us when she first moved out.

How is that any sign that she may want to try?
How is that a valid reason why I should put my life on hold to wait for her to possibly give me still no hope.


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## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

If you want to reconcile..WHY is there an ow?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## StephenG (Nov 22, 2012)

mama2five said:


> If you want to reconcile..WHY is there an ow?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It's an old friend who I used to always talk to and when everything went to hell and my wife left she was there for me to talk to and then this whole trip went a mile a minute for a get away.

She lives too far away to even become date able and she isn't then one to just throw herself out there so nothing is going to happen on the trip and I also have no intentions.


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

no 'jaw drop' smilie

shame


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## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

Yeah, good luck getting your wife to believe you are even interested in trying again, when she knows you have an OW -- and that you're running off on vacation with her.

Your actions are speaking quite loudly to her. I'm glad for her sake that she's listening.


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## StephenG (Nov 22, 2012)

angelpixie said:


> Yeah, good luck getting your wife to believe you are even interested in trying again, when she knows you have an OW -- and that you're running off on vacation with her.
> 
> Your actions are speaking quite loudly to her. I'm glad for her sake that she's listening.


She left me. She has known this entire time I didn't want her to leave and that I wanted to work us out and she says no to it and that she doesn't want to.
This is the first time I've gone out with this woman and the first time I've talked to a woman since we separated.
I've tried since the first day my wife left to try to get her and I back together and she says she don't want to, she's made no attempts to work us out or anything.
Reconciliation doesn't seem to be in the forecast for my wife
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

Well, your thread title asks for others' opinions as to whether or not your trip w/ OW is a good idea. EVERYONE who has responded has told that they think it's a bad idea. Yet, you've defended yourself and your choice each time. If you already know what you really want to do, and I believe you're planning on doing it, I just wonder why you're asking for opinions.


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## K.C. (Dec 1, 2012)

I hear what you're saying StephenG.

Any sort of R does not seem to be on the cards for my wife either. But you know something. There has been no infidelity in our marriage so far as I can tell and I sure as hell will NOT be going down that route. Until I have given up on my marriage I will stay faithful. Sure it feels a little stupid in the sense she says no chance, but this bit isn't about what she says or wants. It's about being able to look myself in the mirror.

I cant profess to want her back and be with another woman at the same time, the two are mutually exclusive. If you can honestly say you have done all you can or intend to and have given up, go for it with OW. 

If you REALLY want your wife back (regardless of the chance of it happening) you can't go cake eating?


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## StephenG (Nov 22, 2012)

angelpixie said:


> Well, your thread title asks for others' opinions as to whether or not your trip w/ OW is a good idea. EVERYONE who has responded has told that they think it's a bad idea. Yet, you've defended yourself and your choice each time. If you already know what you really want to do, and I believe you're planning on doing it, I just wonder why you're asking for opinions.


From nothing but criticism. Nothing to explain why you have your opinion.

K.C raises valid points and explained whereas yours is just like I'm the bad guy
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

ok I'll give you a valid reason

you want to reconcile with your wife (you say)
yet only a month out and before the marital bed is even cold you're going on a trip with another woman. What message does this give to your wife? That it was easy for her to be cast aside for someone else. That you're not willing to fight for her. You say you want to reconcile but you want HER to do all the work and because she's not dancing to your tune you're seriously contemplating taking another woman away

Also you don't give any background - why are you separating, what has led up to this?


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## TNman (Dec 24, 2012)

Yeah Stephan - if you want to reconcile and repair( and it seems you do from your previous posts) a getaway with an OW is a sure way to guarantee that your marriage is over. It 'probably' is anyway and if you want to give up and move on, go on the trip. If you are truly not ready to give up don't go on the trip. Call the OW and cancel- pay her for her ticket. Seems like a no brainer.


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## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

And maybe it wasn't spelled out as clearly as Dolly's post, but I was saying the same thing. Your actions (having an OW & planning a trip with her) are not the actions of someone wanting to reconcile, no matter what you said the first night when she left (from your OP), or how many times you sent her flowers (from what you posted in another thread). I agree with Dolly - if you want us to see your side, we need to know more.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

StephenG:

I have to admit that JUST BASED ON YOUR INITIAL POST, it sounded like your trip was with a woman WITH WHOM YOU HAD BEEN CHEATING ON YOUR WIFE! Of course people were kicking you!

1. Woman on trip is NOT someone you have/will be intimate with, correct?

2. WHY did your wife leave a month ago? Was infidelity involved on the part of you or your wife?

3. You want VERY MUCH to reconcile with your wife, but SHE is saying 'never gonna happen'. HOWEVER, she then turns around and gets angry/hurt because you're going on a vacay with some other woman, correct?

4. Is it possible that wife is angry because you promised to take HER on a vacay and never got around to it so it's kind of a trigger for her?

5. If you want the possibility of reconciliation (although you acknowledge the chances are slim), you better NOT go on this vacay with your woman-friend because you ALREADY KNOW your wife is unhappy/angry about it.

6. Are you figuring that wife was cheating on YOU and THAT is why she left you? Is that why the phone records? If she was, are you intending to take the vacay anyway, or will it be too late? If not, will you call the vacay off?


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## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

You're a fool.

I spelt that out pretty clearly.

Oh.

Even if you don't go now.

Leave your ex alone.

You win no trophy for "changing your mind".


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## StephenG (Nov 22, 2012)

UpnOver said:


> You're a fool.
> 
> I spelt that out pretty clearly.
> 
> ...


Let me tell you, the trip was a *GREAT idea. I answered my own question.

I will say now I probably broke EVERYTHING you're suppose to do in my situation but it was all worth it.
All this is probably being typed in the heat of the moment but I feel as I should share it.

The day I got back from my trip my phone records I ordered arrived. It showed only numbers, no messages so I went to a site, I typed the numbers and I learned the names then I investigated for an entire day and got EVERY information I needed since the separation.

So I broke a big rule.
I texted my wife and I told her the guy is a dead man, I then felt the need to call the guy, they were together.

I talked sh_t to the guy and I told him all kinds of things and what not and I got him to come to my house with my wife to "settle" it how I wanted to.
So I guess he was out to prove to my wife he is a badas$ and he came and I beat the ever living sh_t out of him and I feel like a million bucks.

Up, I am not going to say anything negative because you gave my much great advice when I desperately needed it. But if I had not gone on that trip I'd be sitting here right now wondering everything about my wife and about "us". I would have missed out on an opportunity based by chance my wife wanted to work things out when clearly my wife had no intentions as I've stated in EVERY post I have posted on TAM.

All this time I have wanted confirmation, answers, and in my own sense "justice" and tonight, not even 20 minutes ago, I got that. It may not have been the right way but as for myself and how I am as a person it was the ONLY way and the RIGHT way.

I am now officially over my wife and she can kiss both my cheeks that lie below.

Sorry if this post is unnecessary but I felt the very much need to do it.*


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## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

StephenG said:


> Let me tell you, the trip was a *GREAT* idea. I answered my own question.
> 
> I will say now I probably broke EVERYTHING you're suppose to do in my situation but it was all worth it.
> All this is probably being typed in the heat of the moment but I feel as I should share it.
> ...


So let me get this straight.

You ended up going on this trip with the "OW" while wondering if it was a good idea.

In the event she might want to reconcile.

When you got back you found evidence of a posOM.

Manipulated him to come to your house.

Then beat the sh!t out of him?

Guess if that works for you.

It works for you.


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## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

Did you plan this get away while you both were still together?


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## StephenG (Nov 22, 2012)

UpnOver said:


> So let me get this straight.
> 
> You ended up going on this trip with the "OW" while wondering if it was a good idea.
> 
> ...


That is 100% correct. 
I was wondering if it was a good idea or not because I didn't know if she was considers to reconcile and I went got back and saw the evidence and I knew she had no intentions so I no longer needed to hope, wonder, and waste my time. Out of anger I called him out and I got more satisfaction from this situation than I could have asked for. And the cherry on top, my wife came with him and watched his as* get beat .

Life is good!!

And on top of it me and OW really hit it off. As I said nothing would happen and it didn't just a small .5 second peck kiss as one would do in high school
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## StephenG (Nov 22, 2012)

UpnOver said:


> Did you plan this get away while you both were still together?


All the planning was done after my wife separated me and had no intentions to reconcile, and I found out she was texting him a little as we were together
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

StephenG said:


> That is 100% correct.
> I was wondering if it was a good idea or not because I didn't know if she was considers to reconcile and I went got back and saw the evidence and I knew she had no intentions so I no longer needed to hope, wonder, and waste my time. Out of anger I called him out and I got more satisfaction from this situation than I could have asked for. And the cherry on top, my wife came with him and watched his as* get beat .
> 
> Life is good!!
> ...


That about sums up everything you've told me so far.


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## StephenG (Nov 22, 2012)

UpnOver said:


> That about sums up everything you've told me so far.


Ha! All my actions and thoughts today have been ones I would consider doing are ones i havent done since I was in high school years ago.
But they have solved everything for me I no longer have the thoughts, nor the care for her.
It may not have been the proper, mature way to do things but they have made me feel great.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Dude you gotta stay on the same thread...you almost had me with this new thread.LOL

If it was me I would have gotten the phone records first then planed on moving on. 

What is the phone records didn't give you the validation you wanted. What if the phone records had nothing except numbers to marriage counselors and shrinks????LOL


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## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

StephenG said:


> Ha! All my actions and thoughts today have been ones I would consider doing are ones i havent done since I was in high school years ago.
> But they have solved everything for me I no longer have the thoughts, nor the care for her.
> It may not have been the proper, mature way to do things but they have made me feel great.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I stand by my previous comment.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

So is the OM going to press charges against you for the beat down?


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## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> So is the OM going to press charges against you for the beat down?


I thought the same.


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## StephenG (Nov 22, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> So is the OM going to press charges against you for the beat down?


He is not, for one he came on his own will for two he was on my property.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

That would be a hard one since the OM came over to OP place knowing what was coming and still made the attempt to confront OP.

It would be different is OP went over to OM place and beat his @ss.

Believe it or not, in my experience the OM was asking for it were as if OP went over to OM place then OP was the aggresor.

The intent is who was the aggressor... OM went over to OP place which makes him out to be the aggressor.

Make sence ladies?


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

I learned that in my anger management classes.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

StephenG said:


> He is not, for one he came on his own will for two he was on my property.


Unfortunately we do not have the legal right to pound any person who we invite onto our property.

If we did there is someone I would invite over and pound the crap out of tonight.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

the guy said:


> That would be a hard one since the OM came over to OP place knowing what was coming and still made the attempt to confront OP.
> 
> It would be different is OP went over to OM place and beat his @ss.
> 
> ...


Oh cool, so I can invite my step son over and beat the crap out of him? Good because I cannot wait!!!!!!!


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## StephenG (Nov 22, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> Unfortunately we do not have the legal right to pound any person who we invite onto our property.
> 
> If we did there is someone I would invite over and pound the crap out of tonight.


He knew what he was getting himself into he just thought he could be Mr. Macho in front of my wife but I had lots of tension to get out 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Pepper123 (Nov 27, 2012)

Seriously... how old are you?


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## StephenG (Nov 22, 2012)

Pepper123 said:


> Seriously... how old are you?


29
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

EleGirl said:


> Oh cool, so I can invite my step son over and beat the crap out of him? Good because I cannot wait!!!!!!!


Make it very clear that when he comes over that you will beat the crap out of him. Repeat it over and over again and as long as the cops asks him why he came over and step son tells the cop that "she was going to beat the crap of of me" then have at it.

Your screwed if your step son tells the cop he was just over visiting and you started attacking him. It has to be very clear what your attentions are so egg step son on and tell him whats in store for him.

Most likely he will tell the cops that "she threatened to hit me" and in my case the cop asked the OM were he was when I made the threat and the OM said he was his house and the cop asked him if he knowingly came over to my house to get hit. the OM said no, then the cop asked him why he came over and the OM said cuz I threated to beat him up and the cop said well then you knew he was going to hit you and you came over any way.

Cop told the OM that he should have called the police and make a complaint against me for the threatening statement, but instead he took the matter in his own hands by going after me.

Its like calling the cops cuz your drugdealer sold you 10 bucks worth of weed for 20 bucks....they can't help you when you are breaking the law. The only reason your step son would go over to your house under these conditions of getting beat, is to assualt you first.


make sence?


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

So don't invite your step son over for a beer, it has to to be very clear you want to beat his @ss!!!!!!

You do however risk getting sited for terrest threat if he stays home and calls the cops.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

the guy said:


> So don't invite your step son over for a beer, it has to to be very clear you want to beat his @ss!!!!!!
> 
> You do however risk getting sited for terrest threat if he stays home and calls the cops.


Thanks for the instructions on how to pull this off. 

Oh he's not going to call the cops. He stole something from me. I'm thinking of calling the cops on him.


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