# Wife hiding things and sex is not the same.



## anom (Oct 25, 2016)

So I am just going to go straight to the point.

Been with my wife for about 5 years now and sex was great at the start like most relationships, but over the years it had become boring less intimate. About a year ago I find out she was watching porn while I was sleeping I had confronted her about it and she said she just wanted to see what these types of porn was but I know from catching her out a lot that it was not a one time thing. I said if you want to watch porn we will watch it together, so we did for a few months softcore stuff having sex 2-3 times a week but sex was just plan crap she uses a toy while we have sex but there is just no more connection in it now. She does not want to kiss/make out just wants to get it over and done with. I have been the one wanting to have sex, she has not asked for it for years. 

Not long ago we where watching porn together and she said this one thing that really annoyed me. It was along the lines of "I like physically larger men" We are not talking about penis size but body type. I am 6 foot 4 with a large penis that hurts her she says. But what she said really hit me because it seems like sex is just a chore for her to please me and thats it. We have no emotions during sex its just 30 mins of work then back to what we where doing before hand. A few weeks ago I decided to check her phone and find out she is watching porn by herself again. Some of the things she is watching is really crazy stuff, that I did not expect her to watch. 

In the end I am more then a horny guy wanting to masturbate up to 2-4 times a day She lets me masturbate on her if she does not want sex. Most of the time she does not want sex because it still hurts from the night before or she makes excuses like "In too tired" "Or we do it later" never happens. In the end she is hiding the fact she likes these crazy porn videos and masturbates while I am asleep she would rather masturbate then have sex and when we do have sex its like a chore for her no emotion nothing. Sometimes I feel like I am better off doing my own thing.

Sex is only a small part of marriage but hiding things is what gets me the most. As a man or woman when your partner is hiding things it makes you wonder what else are they hiding or not telling you what they would like in the relationship. I dont know what to do. Sometimes I have thoughts about having sex with my x partners than having sex with my wife. Which is a terrible thing. 

So what should I do if she does not want to talk about it, seek counseling or break it off. Over the last few years I have started to lose my love for her and this sex issue is just icing on the cake.


----------



## NothingsOriginal (Sep 23, 2016)

Google "Women addicted to porn" and start reading. First piece of gold I struck was:

30% of porn addicts are now female. Let's stop thinking of porn as a male problem.

I feel for you, competing against ANY addiction is tough. Best of luck to you.


----------



## GTdad (Aug 15, 2011)

It's tough to ask this without coming across like a perv, but what kind of porn is she into? There may be useful information there.


----------



## anom (Oct 25, 2016)

NothingsOriginal said:


> Google "Women addicted to porn" and start reading. First piece of gold I struck was:
> 
> 30% of porn addicts are now female. Let's stop thinking of porn as a male problem.
> 
> I feel for you, competing against ANY addiction is tough. Best of luck to you.


Yeah I have done all my research and found a lot of things out like this. What really is annoying is if you are not attracted to your partner no more why not just say it? I did used to be a gym junkie for years but stopped after two years of dating.

As for what porn its more so fetish porn that seems like the normal for women these days after reading/watching that book fifty shades of grey.


----------



## GTdad (Aug 15, 2011)

anom said:


> As for what porn its more so fetish porn that seems like the normal for women these days after reading/watching that book fifty shades of grey.


So BDSM-type stuff? If that's the case, it may be time to talk about that and introduce some of it to the bedroom.


----------



## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

I'm confused by her comment about liking larger men...you say you are 6'4", that IS big! So seems logic would dictate that YOU are her type..?? Does she prefer men even bigger than you? Heavier men, maybe? 

What is the rest of the relationship like?


----------



## anom (Oct 25, 2016)

GTdad said:


> So BDSM-type stuff? If that's the case, it may be time to talk about that and introduce some of it to the bedroom.


We have done it a few times but again its " Im to tired " sort of thing now. Back to the chore of sex to please me which in the end is not really pleasing me at all but more so wanting me to please someone else who would enjoy it more.


----------



## Lila (May 30, 2014)

anom said:


> We have done it a few times but again its " Im to tired " sort of thing now. Back to the chore of *sex to please me *which in the end is not really pleasing me at all but more so wanting me to please someone else who would enjoy it more.


You state that you don't necessarily want her to have sex to please you. What exactly do you want here? Do you think you get your validation or self worth from pleasing your partner? 

Also how often do you have sex? How often do you think she enjoys it? Does she orgasm? 



Sent from my SCH-I545 using Tapatalk


----------



## anom (Oct 25, 2016)

3Xnocharm said:


> I'm confused by her comment about liking larger men...you say you are 6'4", that IS big! So seems logic would dictate that YOU are her type..?? Does she prefer men even bigger than you? Heavier men, maybe?
> 
> What is the rest of the relationship like?


Correct, I was a heavier man but now lost most of it. As for the rest of the relationship it is quite boring, she does her thing I do mine it has been like this for a few years. Works comes home cooks dinner and watches tv. She does do the things I ask but in the end I want a wife not a robot that does what its told. ( Its a typical mans dream to have such a girl ) but I tell you after 2 years of it, it gets boring.


----------



## anom (Oct 25, 2016)

Lila said:


> You state that you don't necessarily want her to have sex to please you. What exactly do you want here? Do you think you get your validation or self worth from pleasing your partner?
> 
> Also how often do you have sex? How often do you think she enjoys it? Does she orgasm?
> 
> ...


I like to please my partner, I did please her a lot at the start but maybe she did not want to tell me it was hurting her just as much it was pleasing her. As for orgasms when we have sex she orgasms every time esp with the toys and my penis in her going slow. How often does she enjoy it I would say once a week when she is not hurting maybe, that is why we masturbate together a few times to give her a break. But in the end she is masturbating by herself anyway.

Maybe the issue is not the sex but more so hiding things for me. I am a person that is typically straight to the point our relationship has been on the edge for a while over the last year or so. Everyday she tells me she loves me I mean like 20 times a day and will always make me tuck her in at night. But I just dont feel that connection anymore.


----------



## straightshooter (Dec 27, 2015)

Anon,

Ok, buddy, let me ask. Were you 6"4" with a big **** when you got married or have you had a growth spurt in both areas during your marriage?? if the answer to those questions is NO, then your problem has nothing to do with you stature or endowment. i am almost 6"7" and weigh 270 lbs and am not "small" anywhere and my FWW has never had a problem like yours. And if that is a problem why has she not seen her OBGYN to discuss it. 

if you read a book called "His needs, Her needs", and many others, SEX is the primary need for men in any exclusive relationship. And it appears she is not giving too much of a crap about your need.

i do not think the porn is the issue, other than maybe her hiding it. Now too much of anything is bad for you, but my guess is there are some underlying issues here that you have not discovered yet. 

If I were you i would start with a sex therapist as long as you are pretty darn sure there is no infidelity in the mix here. many women engaging in affairs have a difficult time maintaining normal sexual relations with their husbands because they subconsciously think they are 'cheating" on their OM. These women will find any excuse to make sex not satisfactory with their husbands in order th justify in their minds what they are doing.

not saying that is what is causing this but you need to find out.

I'd start with some frank discussion if possible, calmly if possible, and then head for some therapy.


----------



## Lila (May 30, 2014)

anom said:


> I like to please my partner, I did please her a lot at the start but maybe she did not want to tell me it was hurting her just as much it was pleasing her. As for orgasms when we have sex she orgasms every time esp with the toys and my penis in her going slow. How often does she enjoy it I would say once a week when she is not hurting maybe, that is why we masturbate together a few times to give her a break. But in the end she is masturbating by herself anyway.


So she's available for sex but you want her to want it like you do?. In other words, you want her to desire you sexually. There seems to be more going on with your dynamic than meets the eye. I recommend you read The Passionate Marriage by Dr. Schnarch. He's a therapist who wrote about his experiences as a sex therapist. I think you'll find it hits home for you. 



anom said:


> Maybe the issue is not the sex but more so hiding things for me. I am a person that is typically straight to the point *our relationship has been on the edge for a while over the last year or so*. Everyday she tells me she loves me I mean like 20 times a day and will always make me tuck her in at night. But I just dont feel that connection anymore.


Can you elaborate what you mean by your relationship being 'on edge'? Are there other issues? 



Sent from my SCH-I545 using Tapatalk


----------



## anom (Oct 25, 2016)

straightshooter said:


> Anon,
> 
> Ok, buddy, let me ask. Were you 6"4" with a big **** when you got married or have you had a growth spurt in both areas during your marriage?? if the answer to those questions is NO, then your problem has nothing to do with you stature or endowment. i am almost 6"7" and weigh 270 lbs and am not "small" anywhere and my FWW has never had a problem like yours. And if that is a problem why has she not seen her OBGYN to discuss it.
> 
> ...



Sadly that was the first thing that came to mind, due to the fact she can speak to anyone and is a caring woman, so it looks like anyway. Thing is I know where she is 24/7 but that does not hide the fact that you can say you are working late. I dont believe she is cheating for I have told her I will walk with no hassle every time she has begged me not too. Placing on a big cry and such. But things just are not adding up right. We have a son with is two years old and always wakes us up at 6am that could also make her tired not wanting to do things.


----------



## anom (Oct 25, 2016)

Lila said:


> So she's available for sex but you want her to want it like you do?. In other words, you want her to desire you sexually. There seems to be more going on with your dynamic than meets the eye. I recommend you read The Passionate Marriage by Dr. Schnarch. He's a therapist who wrote about his experiences as a sex therapist. I think you'll find it hits home for you.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Yes I guess when you leave women who are high demand for sex then going to a low demand one it makes you wonder if its you or just that they are not as demanding for it. As for on edge son and I have a life condition which would put stress on all of us.


----------



## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

anom said:


> Correct, I was a heavier man but now lost most of it. As for the rest of the relationship it is quite boring, she does her thing I do mine it has been like this for a few years. Works comes home cooks dinner and watches tv. She does do the things I ask but in the end I want a wife not a robot that does what its told. ( Its a typical mans dream to have such a girl ) but I tell you after 2 years of it, it gets boring.


You have become room mates. The attachment is lost. The porn does not help with that situation. She will need to give that up because your W satisfaction is coming from a pixel video. You need to reconnect on an emotion level.


----------



## anom (Oct 25, 2016)

Yeswecan said:


> You have become room mates. The attachment is lost. The porn does not help with that situation. She will need to give that up because your W satisfaction is coming from a pixel video. You need to reconnect on an emotion level.


Yeah room mates is what it feels like.


----------



## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

anom said:


> Yeah room mates is what it feels like.


So you need to reconnect. If you want to reconnect. This requires changing the entire dynamic. In short, return to dating/courting/appreciating and genuinely putting forth an effort to make your significant other truly significant again. 15 plus hours per week must be spent together doing things. Date nights. Going to places together for the day. Museums, small town shopping, fall festivals or simply a day at the park for a picnic.


----------



## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

BTW don't minimize the painful sex part. If you're bigger or she's smaller or if she's angled one way or another, or has infections or does not provide enough lubrication, etc sex can be painful.

Who wants painful sex (BDSM aside)?

Explore this some more. Without sufficient arousal, she may extended sufficiently to accommodate you without pain. Plus if she's curved, maybe only certain positions are good. So this could became a self fulfilling issue - fear of pain caused her to not get fully aroused, etc.

Do slow down, talk, explore these issues. Have her talk with her gyno if necessary about this 




Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## Lila (May 30, 2014)

@anonm,

Your story reminds me of @rich84. He too was unhappy in a sexually mismatched marriage. You can read his thread here http://talkaboutmarriage.com/sex-marriage/258498-need-advice-sexual-mismatch.html 

[Spoiler alert], His last update was very positive. Maybe he'll post on your thread with some words of wisdom.

I'm also calling on @Anon Pink. I think she can help you solve the mystery your wife's BDSM porn kink and possibly give you advice on overcoming painful sex.

I think your relationship is fixable but it all depends on how much you and your wife are willing to put into it. Read the Passionate Marriage.


----------



## rich84 (Mar 30, 2015)

Couple of things. 

First, you say that you feel like roommates and you've lost your connection. You're both basically doing your own thing. And I'm hearing a lot about what she does for you but not a lot about what you do for her. She works, cooks, complies with sex, etc. - a robot stepford wife. You said that you used to do more earlier in the relationship. You also said that she does what you ask, but not with enthusiasm. 

What are you doing to reconnect with your wife? How are you meeting her emotional needs? How are you investing in the relationship? You say that it's boring, but I don't hear how you're trying to engage your wife, spend quality time with her, and make her feel special. 

The sex. Because you're large, maybe it is painful and that could be limiting her enjoyment as well as her desire for a higher frequency. This needs to be explored, medically. 

Because of her porn use, it does sound like she's a sexual person. You said at one time you were more eager to please. Do you give her oral? You didn't mention that. 

50 shades - here's my take. BDSM excites her, 50 shades excites her. Porn is easy and highly arousing. She says she likes bigger guys, but you are tall and well endowed, so check and check. I think it has more to do with the domination factor. Big guys are intimidating and physically able to dominate. However 50 shades was more complex. Christian Grey was dominating - he had money and power, he forced her to take gifts and sign a contract, and he made sex completely on his terms. However, his domination was really all about pleasing her. Total obsession with her and an intense focus on her orgasm. After which, he humps twice and is done. He created urgency and desire - had to see her, had to have her now (fingering her in an elevator and under tables, taking her in her bed room with her roommate right outside, etc.). His domination was demanding pleasure that he derived from her pleasure. If you think about it, that is hot. Which is hotter: during foreplay your wife asks if you want a BJ and then proceeds with good technique but not a lot of enthusiasm vs. your wife meets you at the door, rips your unit out, creates negative pressure in your eye sockets, and worships your package until completion? Riding crops and suspended sex may be a turn on too, but for a lot of women I think it was his intense desire and pursuit of her pleasure that got more motors running than anything. 0.02.

I think you need to put energy into engaging more with your wife and meeting her emotional needs. I think you need to talk about and explore the pain factor. And I think you need to learn more about what excites her in the bedroom so that you can benefit from her kinks instead of her hiding it in solo sessions. There's a reason she's hiding it. Two possibilities: she's bored and this is an exciting escape or she's resentful and would rather fulfill her sexuality alone versus share any more with you. 



Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

anom said:


> So I am just going to go straight to the point.
> 
> Been with my wife for about 5 years now and sex was great at the start like most relationships, but over the years it had become boring less intimate. About a year ago I find out she was watching porn while I was sleeping I had confronted her about it and she said she just wanted to see what these types of porn was but I know from catching her out a lot that it was not a one time thing. I said if you want to watch porn we will watch it together, so we did for a few months softcore stuff having sex 2-3 times a week but sex was just plan crap she uses a toy while we have sex but there is just no more connection in it now. She does not want to kiss/make out just wants to get it over and done with. I have been the one wanting to have sex, she has not asked for it for years.
> 
> ...


I can't speak to the porn watching and hiding things, but I CAN speak to the lack of intimacy during sex part.

I've been with my wife for almost 8 years now. Our sex life started out like any normal new couple - fairly frequent, pretty crazy, very satisfying. As relationships go, the sex tailed off a little bit (mostly frequency), and it didn't take long before I realized my wife was more about f***ing then having intimate sex. At the beginning of a relationship, it's often difficult to tell things like this, because new couples are rabbits.

Over the next couple of years, it was like this, and was always in the back of my mind. On one hand, it wasn't anything to complain about, on the other, it just became more apparent over time that sex was a purely physical thing for her, and nothing more. I eventually addressed this with her some 3/4 years into it, and she readily admitted that she separated sex from love, from emotions, etc. That sex was "just sex". I honestly didn't know how to feel about this, as she was (and is) a loving partner outside of the bedroom. She likes cuddling, holding hands, has no problem saying "I love you", etc. But as soon as it was go-time, it was none of that. Now I don't need romance and candles and soft music, but I still found it to be disconcerting. Don't get me wrong, the sex was great, physically, but I was often going away feeling like it was a hook-up

Over the years, I tried to slow things down, and she never responded the way she would when she (pardon my French) 'got pounded'. I would try to prolong foreplay, kiss her a lot, make eye contact, hold her, etc. But she would always respond far better when it was hard, fast and to the point.

Over the last year or so, she seems to be a little more on-board with loving, intimate encounters, though, which is good. Maybe it's age, maybe she's 'seen the light', I don't know. We still have hard and sweaty sex, but we also have nice, slower, love-making sessions as well.

The reality is, some people just see sex as purely physical, and can't (or won't) associate loving emotions with it all. My wife's past gives clues as to why she feels/felt this way, but I can honestly say I wasn't a fan.

Talk to her about this, if it's a concern. You can't make her change her mind, but at the same time, it can plant a seed that it's OKAY to bring emotions and intimacy into the bedroom. That it IS about two people who love each other, and not just about getting off, or duplicating what one sees in porn (or past experiences, for that matter). I strongly suspect my wife had little to no experience, sexually, with this type of sex. That's not her fault, it's just circumstances. For a woman, if most or all of your previous partners are the 'wham bam' two pump chumps, that's all you know.


----------



## mary35 (Jul 18, 2010)

Lots of good advice here. You asked what YOU should do. Let's recap the advice given - (Please note - no one has said you should leave her - so you got a lot of work to do IF you truly want to try to fix things so that both of you are happy and satisfied with your marriage!!)

1. Evaluate the pain issue. This could of happened because of the birth of your son - if it wasn't painful before but is now. She needs to visit a GYN and make sure there is nothing medically wrong. IF there isn't - then it could be that she is not lubricated enough or aroused enough to have you enter her. Maybe you are thrusting too deep or too hard or too fast. It also could be the position or your technique. Sex should not be painful - unless the person is into pain - which it sounds like your wife is not. Knowing something is going to be painful can make a person avoid it. Is she on hormonal birth control, do you use a condom? All these things could be a factor. 

2. Work on re-building your emotional connection. You said she is boring, she isn't pleasing you, you does what she is told, is a robot. I always told my kids - people who say they are bored are often boring people themselves. I agree with Rich and the other posters - You need to ask yourself what are YOU doing to keep the marriage exciting and in building and keeping a deep emotional connection with your wife? Get the book "his needs - her needs" His Needs, Her Needs
Work through the book together and use it as a discussion and assessment tool. Also explore the site I just posted, especially the love bank. 

3. Get some counseling with a good sex therapist. The sex therapist can help you with all of the above and also explore why she is watching porn and masturbating without you. Apparently she is not comfortable enough to tell you why or to ask for what she needs or doesn't even know herself. Is she addicted to the porn? Another thing the therapist can explore. I will tell you that Rich was spot on about the 50's shade aspect. It is not the BDSM part as much as it the whole package as Rich described. It is a hot fantasy for many women. So doing just the sex part a couple of times - is probably not going to do much for her. And quite frankly - a fantasy partner does not require anything back. As a stressed out wife and mother, who works, and takes care of the house and a two year old - AND as if that isn't already enough - she is also stressed out by a life "condition" that both you and your son have - perhaps a fantasy partner who is not demanding anything from her sounds pretty darn good when all she wants is a quick orgasm and then to relax and roll over to sleep in the middle of the night. And lets face it - sometimes a good solo masturbation is more intense because all the focus is on yourself? How much do you do around the house and how involved are you with the care of your son? Do you add to her stress or help relieve it?

4. When she says she likes bigger men - perhaps she is talking about a muscular man. You said you use to be a gym junkie - have you let yourself go. Have you gotten flabby and lazy with your appearance. Some things you have control over - others you don't. Work on the things you have control over to make yourself more physically attractive to her. Explore with her what she meant. 

Ok - there you go. A lot for you to do - so get started! And good luck!! Which is a dumb thing to write - cause luck won't help you. But your efforts could!


----------



## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

You've been given a lot of excellent advice and I hope you follow it because from what I've read in this thread, and I say this gently with the goal of helping you have the marriage you desire, the problem might have more to do with how your relationship has settled as opposed to the porn or the pain after intercourse.

You guys have a 2 year old, who needs routine and stability. Mom and Dad must act like adults. She has a mountain of responsibilities with work, home and motherhood. Women don't typically compartmentalize their respective roles very well. We are always a mother, always. Sometimes reconciling motherhood with freak in the sheets doesn't happen for a long long time. Consumed with being a good mother we forget that we were also The Hot Girlfriend. 

Porn may be an addiction, or may be her way of bringing her libido back to life. It's hard to feel sexy when you're covered in slobbery cheerios and reading Good Night Moon.

Your wife loves you. She tells you so, many times a day. She willingly complies with every need you've stated. You say sex doesn't feel intimate and that kissing doesn't seem to be a priority to her. It occurs to me she is mothering you. Just like your son needs goodnight kisses and hugs, you need sex and she meets your needs just as she meets your sons needs.

Who is meeting her needs?

One of things a husband should know, when he discovers his wife is reading or watching domination/submission type smut, is that SHE is turned on by the passion HE (the guy in the porn) has for HER. The guy in the porn is not waiting for her to show her love and desire. He is not secretly pouting because she hasn't shown her passion for him. He isn't an emotionally needy man at all. He wants her and he takes her. He wants her naked and he tells her to make it so. He wants her body and he takes her body. It is the _ idea_ that his passions are so strong they over ride a gentleman's code of behavior. 

A dominant man is not a passive needy man.

The idea of that kind of passion is what she wants. Give yourself an honest once-over wrt how noticeably you are testing her love for you. Are you waiting for her to kiss you or are you kissing her and she isn't responding. If she isn't responding, are you coming on too strong too fast? Are your teeth clean and breath fresh? 

Certain behaviors might turn her on, and certain behaviors might piss her off. She might love to pushed into the wall and forcefully kissed as you reach around her back, grab her ass and hike her up the wall. But she may get pissed if you forcefully rip her clothing off. 

The pain could be a by product of vaginal delivery, especially if she had an epesiotomy and ripped through that. Scar tissue doesn't stretch. It pinches and pulls. If she had a delivery that traumatized her poor perineum, she may well be experiencing muscle spasms after sex but that's something she has to discuss with her OB. In my experience OB's do not ask if a return to sex has caused any continuing pain. They only ask if sex has resumed and then they wait for the patient to complain that sex is painful. Your wife might not even know that continued painful sex, after childbirth, is not likely to resolve itself without physical therapy. Send this link to your wife ::::after you've read it thoroughly::::

http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/stor...58F8DC6871024D.f03t01?v=1&t=iuqzq5xj&b3dfcee5

I'm not sure I'd label your wife as a porn addict. I think she is trying to get herself back, back to being aroused, back to desiring sex as much as she once did. Porn, like a glass of wine, can get her mind in the right place but it would be best for your marriage if you were the catalyst for the erotic and you can only do that if you can put her needs before your needs. Not forever, but for long enough.


----------



## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

TheTruthHurts said:


> BTW don't minimize the painful sex part. If you're bigger or she's smaller or if she's angled one way or another, or has infections or does not provide enough lubrication, etc sex can be painful.
> 
> Who wants painful sex (BDSM aside)?
> 
> ...


this is immediately what I thought. She is having pain during PIV sex, but is still horny so she watches porn and masturbates instead. You HAVE TO USE LUBRICANT. no ifs ands or buts. 

ask her what sex position she prefers, which might hurt her less

If that does not work, then maybe a trip to the gyno to see if something is torn down there. If it is simply a very tight vag, they have graduated sized dildos that a woman can use to gradually increase her ability to take a large penis.


----------



## browser (Oct 26, 2016)

Talker67 said:


> this is immediately what I thought. She is having pain during PIV sex, but is still horny so she watches porn and masturbates instead. You HAVE TO USE LUBRICANT. no ifs ands or buts.


Did you mean to type BUTTS?

Because that just might be an option.


----------



## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

anom said:


> *In the end I am more then a horny guy wanting to masturbate up to 2-4 times a day* She lets me masturbate on her if she does not want sex. Most of the time she does not want sex because it still hurts from the night before or she makes excuses like "In too tired" "Or we do it later" never happens. In the end she is hiding the fact she likes these crazy porn videos and masturbates while I am asleep she would rather masturbate then have sex and when we do have sex its like a chore for her no emotion nothing. Sometimes I feel like I am better off doing my own thing.


Ok I just wanted to point this bolded part out.

Look, if you need to get off 2 - 4 times per day, this is your dilemma to sort out, not your wife's.

You are overwhelming her with your sexuality. She is not obligated to try to rise to your level of sexuality. I'm not saying your level is wrong, but I am saying that it is so high that you cannot reasonably expect your wife to meet you there. You are way out of the ball park of average or normal expectations a wife might encounter.

If you would only try to get sex/be sexual/have an O with your wife ONCE PER DAY, I bet she would be so much happier and more intimate with you.

It sounds like she is trying so hard to please you and meet your demands...but your DEMANDS are totally killing her sex drive and desire for you. 

There was another thread here recently by a wife who almost sounded like she could be your wife. I'll see if I can find it and link it here if I can....perhaps you and she are having a version of the The Pina Colada Song here on TAM....

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TazHNpt6OTo


----------



## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

anom said:


> In the end I am more then a horny guy wanting to masturbate up to 2-4 times a day She lets me masturbate on her if she does not want sex. Most of the time she does not want sex because it still hurts from the night before or she makes excuses like "In too tired" "Or we do it later" never happens..


I feel sorry for this poor woman.

She's dealing with someone who acts like an oversexed horny teenage boy whose constantly humping her leg or using her to jerk off on. No wonder she's so completely turned off by you. That is just so repulsive. There's *nothing* attractive or appealing about a guy constantly pestering you for sex and having to lay there while he jerks off on you just to shut him the hell up. 

Anyone who needs to masturbate 2-4 times a day has a problem. Stop making it HER problem.


----------



## JAMMF (Oct 27, 2016)

I just wonder how the relationship is outside of the sex. Coming from a woman, I sound like your wife (minus the porn). I don't feel a connection with my husband outside of the bedroom, we feel like two ships passing through the night. For a lot of women, if the connection isn't there emotionally, the sex just doesn't work. It doesn't even sometimes matter if you're attracted to your husband or not.


----------



## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

@anom if you're that sexually charged, then I suspect you are filling a void in your heart with frequent but fleeting pleasure. Kind of like an eating addiction which many can relate to.

You might want to see a sex therapist. They work exactly with issues like this and can help provide insight you might be missing.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------

