# Marriage Material?



## singleforever?

I have a problem. I have been engaged twice and have 'postponed' both weddings. Two years apart, not at once. I am addicted it seems to cheating in my relationships. I think I have been cheating since I first started dating. I'm not sure if it is just a habbit I created myself as a young woman. I can't recall one relationship that I was faitful in. I have been going to a psychologist weekly for a few months now and I feel like I have gotten nowhere. I feel like I can't commit to one person for more then a year. At least thats the longest I've been able to. Should I accept the fact that I am just programmed this way? I'm not even sure I want to commit to one person for the rest of my life. I think I need some insight or advice? Something sound and concrete, something that makes sence?


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## PBear

Have you been honest with yourself and your counselor? Maybe you need to try another one. How old are you?

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## FormerlyCareFree

Who "programmed" you to cheat?


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## singleforever?

Is admitting my problem being honest? I don't know how to be more honest about any of it? I'm 27 years old. 

I think I may have programmed myself? Is it possibly deeper then that?


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## OliveAdventure

Do you want to be with one person forever? 
Do you want to stop cheating?


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## that_girl

No one really programs themselves.

Most of our issues come from childhood and/or early experiences.

I say get into some therapy. You're a big girl now...time to figure yourself out.


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## Shaggy

When you cheat, what is your internal justification for going ahead and doing it?


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## singleforever?

I don't know that I want to stop. The want to settle down varies by the day, somedays I think that settling down would be nice, but when I feel empowered and independent I want to stay with the cheating. 

I am in therapy, trying to put the 'big girl' pants on and take control of my life. I guess I'll stick to it and see where it goes. 

Internal justification? I don't know that I have justified what I do. I don't feel quilty although I know I should.


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## Shaggy

Perhaps you'd be happier in a poly lifestyle? 

Personally, I think that the 1:1 bond and trust you get from a committed faithful monogamous relationship is over the long term something feeds your inner happiness, some people just don't connect with others like that.

perhaps you're one of those people. 

On the cheating front however, I asked about the justification because cheating isn't just about you, it's also a betrayal of the relationship with the other person. It's a hurtful and a callous act. So beyond the "I want to be with another person" thing, there is the hurt it causes your SO. I was wondering, honestly, in your head what you thought about that aspect?


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## that_girl

Then just go have fun and stop cheating. You can date people and let them know you're also seeing others. Just be honest and stop getting yourself into relationships you really don't want to be in.

Enjoy being yourself...just stop hurting others.


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## that_girl

But why stay with "cheating"? Why not just date people without cheating? Or do you like the thrill of it...


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## singleforever?

I'm not sure if it it the trill. I had an affair with a married man for two years. I like the idea of no committment in some aspect, I really just don't know why. I understand that this sounds horrible and noone deserves to be cheated on on any level. I wish I knew what to do.


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## Cherry

singleforever? said:


> I'm not sure if it it the trill. I had an affair with a married man for two years. I like the idea of no committment in some aspect, I really just don't know why. I understand that this sounds horrible and noone deserves to be cheated on on any level. I wish I knew what to do.


Hi! I cheated on pretty much all of the men I dated from my HS years to my first husband. Not very proud of that, but back then I just didn't care, for me it was the attention. And then when I was in my mid-20's, I met a guy that I really did want to be with. He point blank told me near the end of our 2 year relationship, when I was faced with job termination and moving from CO to TN and he wasn't stopping me, I couldn't understand why and that is when he told me... he told me that he could never think long term with me and he never really thought beyond the sex in the relationship, for two years I was a simple piece of ass for this man that I loved, and I didn't know it. 

For the first time in my life I really felt I loved a man, and because of my history, he didn't care, I was devastated. 

I picked up a book called "The Art of Loving" because I was approaching my 30's and alone. I read the book and determined that I didn't understand the concept of loving another person. 

I don't know if this applies to you or not, but it was a very enlightening experience for me. 

Here's a Wikipedia link to the book explaining the premise of it. Good luck to you!

The Art of Loving - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia


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## sandy56

Its very bad that you cheated the peoples. if you can't fulfill your commitment with someone or take your relation to the end so don't betrayed the trust of anyone.don't take your relation to the engagment point.


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