# Its over



## WorkHardOnMyself (Feb 16, 2010)

I have been with my wife for 10 years, 5 years dating & 5 years marriages. We have been having problems mainly dealing with communication, it was like every other week she would could to me about the communication issue, but we would cover a different way to communicate every talk, and all she sees is that we been having a communication problem for 10 years. Then she was always telling me that we don't connect, and I think it was done to me not going into deep talking about my family members. In the beginning of our marriage I didn't handle the situation correctly, but I tired to do my best. I grew some everyday of the marriage to become a better husband. Now I always addressed the issues, and I try to resolve the best way I knew. Them I always told I'm not by her side in any, because she placed note on a side everybody uses the front door. One time I forgot that the note was up there when somebody knocking on the side door, and I answered it, and that showed her that I wasn't on her side. That was simply a case where I forgot and answered the door. I'm talking to a therapist about my communications issues, but she says that she is leaving no matter what. She calls me responsible, nice, and great father, but not a great husband,because being nice person is not good enough. I feel like she hops on all of my flaws/issues, and will not let past situations go. All of this came back into play when she came and told me that she was torn between staying or leaving me, because she still bitter from years before. So I thought about the issue all day at work, and later that night I told that she has to do what makes her feel happy to express my thoughts, because I accused of not expressing myself sometimes. Then she said that she was venting to me about what's been her mine. So she thought about what I told her, and now she wants out. I don't want her to leave, but I'm not going to force anyone to stay with me that's does not want too. I'm giving her space to really think about this before we split. How do you connect more with a spouse, and is there anything else i can do to bring her back into my life slowly?


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## accept (Dec 1, 2011)

Does she work. Have you done counselling together. Is there a control problem in your marriage. Are you sure there is no one else. This is quite usual to be 'bitter' because of the past and very hard to solve. I suppose you talk the same language, so why should there be such a 'communication' problem.Is it simply that you just dont listen to each other.


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## WorkHardOnMyself (Feb 16, 2010)

accept said:


> Does she work. Have you done counseling together. Is there a control problem in your marriage. Are you sure there is no one else. This is quite usual to be 'bitter' because of the past and very hard to solve. I suppose you talk the same language, so why should there be such a 'communication' problem.Is it simply that you just don't listen to each other.



I went home told her that I couldn't stop thinking about her, and told her to rethink that decision to leave. She told me that she gets very frustrated with me and doesn't know what else to do. I will talk to her later today to go over so other issues that I have been thinking.


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## GoDucks (May 19, 2010)

It seems like you may be helped a lot by marriage counseling. When we were in it, we were given several exercises similar to those found in Marriage Encounter to help us find that spark again. Not that Marriage Encounter methods are "the way", but counselors have lots of good ideas to help you remember all the reasons you chose each other. There are books, too - Gottman is the author that we were trying. He's great.

After 10 years, life can get in the way of marriage, unless you make the marriage a priority. It's worth trying, anyway.


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