# Should be easy if everyones honest



## [email protected]@@ (Aug 2, 2021)

Been married 40 years.i had an affair 38 years ago.it was with my wifes brothers sister.lasted 3 monthes.i ended it.but it was found out about 1 month after i stopped it because she told my wife.counsler labeled me a rescuer.been a good husband ever since a least as far as that goes.fastfoward to the last 20 years.she had a 5 year affair going back and forth.came back then left on a 11 year affair with another guy.back and forth again.were talking couple days home every week.last 2 years been back with me saying she wants to works things out.she came here without cutting off contact with affair partner.and tells me i have to start getting over it because its taking to long to fix and she wants me to get viagra cuz she thinks thats why were are not intimate.lm am so [email protected]'#:&ing screwef up


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

I was going to ask if she's still in contact with the AP but seriously... what's the point?

Just dump her and move on.

ETA: On her way out the door, tell her that your dong works fine and that it's her.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Damn bro. Gots to toss one back sometimes. 
go catch yourself a fish that doesn’t bite you.


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

2 affairs lasting a combined 16 years? I bet she used your 3 month affair to club you over the head throughout your marriage. It was to keep you from suspecting her. 

You know, we get some threads where the BH committed adultery too but almost always the WW is way worse. Most of the time the WW had a 1 to 3 year sexual PA and the husband was texting some coworker but it never went physical and the BH uses that as an excuse as to why he will eat the sh!t sandwich. Don’t be that guy. Divorce this woman ASAP.


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## 342693 (Mar 2, 2020)

Dang man, sorry to hear....that sucks. It's past time you kicked her to the curb permanently and put yourself first. Your wife only wants to work things out when one of her affairs fizzles out. You are her fall back.. She obviously doesn't love you, so find someone that does.


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

she is looking for a house and someone to keep an eye on her in old age


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## colingrant (Nov 6, 2017)

She's pretty much had her way with you so I understand her maintaining contact with her AP and telling you to "start getting over it". Of the 40 years you've been with her, 40% was spent in infidelity. She has complete control over marital matters and feels understandably empowered to dictate reconciliation terms. Her terms, not yours. 

Her thinking is if you are reconciling with her despite her taking long term lovers, then you certainly don't have the fortitude to impose conditions. In fact, this is possible why she's returning to you. She feels you will comply with her lifestyle in exchange for her ALLOWING you to call her Plan A.


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## EveningThoughts (Jul 12, 2018)

"Wifes brothers sister?" 
I'm confused, as to me that sounds like you had an affair with your wife's sister.

Your wife left you for 11 years, but would visit you a couple of days each week? Did the other man know that she was still seeing you as well?
Why did you keep this arrangement going for so long? What did you get from this? Do you have children together?
It sounds like there may not have been any or much intimacy between you both during those 11 years partially separated. Do you want intimacy with your wife?
Do you want to be in some kind of relationship with your wife?

And what does the title of your thread mean "It should be easy if everyone is honest"?


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

[email protected]@@ said:


> it was with my wifes brothers sister


Wouldn’t that make her your wife’s sister also?

Why worry about this, your wife was already cheating on you at this point.


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## Asterix (May 16, 2021)

I don't get it. I think I'm not the only person here to think that this is a very toxic situation for the both of you. 

Why not stand your ground and choose not to get back together?


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