# Diabetic Issues



## loveshiswife (Aug 18, 2012)

Hey everyone need to know what to do. Or more appropriately best way to deal with it. First things first. My wife and i have had some issues in the past in the bedroom all couples go through it, it is what it is. 

Well about a year ago i started to develop some ED issues, and after not being able to take it anymore went to visit my family dr where after a few tests it was determined that i had diabetes and that was the most likely culprit of the ED issues, so bad that nothing would bring the soldier to attention.Dr says if i get my sugar under control a good chance since im young (32) the ed problems will reverse. And luckily they are SLOWLY. However the one thing that does remain is a PE problem i have had for a long time. Not sure if it is related to diabetes not sure how long i have had it. 

So that is the background. For the past few years i have felt like i have to beg for any sort of sexual contact, If i don't initiate it, it don't happen. Well It all came to a head the other night when i decided to show my wife the "mojo survey" thinking maybe she was just board in bed. so we did it and afterward we were going over the results and she looks at me and says that's great, but i don't enjoy having sex with you. Now that's a crush to me. Because i know im not the longest lasting guy in bed but i try to make up for it in other way's and always try to make sure she is (so i thought) satisfied weather orally or some other manner.

So I was crushed and pretty pissed off at the comment and let it go so fast forward a few nights i tell her i'm in the mood and heading to bed and ask her to join me. She comes to bed and flops in like she is pissed off, so i say "just forget it" and go to bed. well im laying there and just getting more and more angry. So i decide the couch is the better place for me to sleep (not uncommon for me to sleep on the couch) and as i leave the room i tell her "Just once in the last 2 years i wish you would initiate sex" 

so that was the last of it. 

Any advice from anyone would be helpful. I Truly love my wife, Leaving her or Cheating on her is not an option. However a sexless marriage is not what i signed up for. Please i would love any advice anyone can give me.

-LovesHisWife


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## askari (Jun 21, 2012)

Loves....firstly, please don't worry too much about your diabetes. Do not let it rule your life. Yes you have to make some life changes and be more aware of what you eat. If you want to have some cake etc tomorrow (4th) have some, just don't over do it and certainly don't do it every day!
There is nothing wrong with an occasional spike in your BS levels, what is damaging is being constantly high.
Just be very careful about your levels dropping and becoming hypo...a downward 'blip' is far more damaging than an upwards blip.

Moving to PE and ED....once your BS levels are under control your soldier will come to attention more often. Maybe try cialis/viagra etc. Nothing to be ashamed of!

PE - my wife is very similar to your wife....basically not interested in sex and when you do have sex its over quickly.
I also suffer PE with my wife...I might last 2 minutes. Good job I have a good memory because we haven't had sex for 2+ years!

However, I never suffered with PE with any other women...I suspect this is because sex was always 'on the table' so there was no hurry. Because my wife isn't interested in sex when we did do it I suspect that subconsciously I wanted to ejaculate quickly in case she changed her mind.
The animal instinct kicked in and I wanted to impregnate her quickly.

Looking towards the future...I'm afraid I don't see much hope for you and your wife... If she WANTS to stay with you and have a proper healthy marriage then she has got to accept that you need sex with her, its how men show their love etc and she has got to want it with YOU.....WANT IT not feel she has to.
If sex stops being such an issue then I am quite sure your PE problems will subside.

If things don't change, I can also assure you that you will become more and more resentful towards her and your marriage will become toxic. 
You are human and a male human at that. We all have our needs.

If your wife isnt prepared to work on your marriage and compromise etc, then plan an exit strategy.

Good luck!


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## askari (Jun 21, 2012)

"Give HER hope for a better relationship'....????

SHE said she didnt enjoy sex with him
SHE has been pushing him away
SHE is the one backing off

HE is the one with medical issues
HE is the one trying to better their sex life

What SHE should be doing - if she values her marriage - is helping him. When he does cum a bit prematurely she should re-assure him its OK...and try again the next day (not the next month!).

Medication and diet will control his BS levels but she needs to help him with confidence issues.

Sounds like she's not interested though.


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## murphy5 (May 1, 2014)

give up on the "I hope she will initiate sex" stuff. I ain't gonna happen, almost ever. That is your job in your particular marriage.

Her not enjoying sex...THAT is a major problem. Was she more specific about WHY she is not enjoying sex at all?? We need to know a little more about what she means by that. The approach you take will depend on her answers, or lack thereof.

As far as diabetes and ED, yeah it can happen. The high blood sugar hurts the nerves, and the nerves are what make Mr Happy stand at attention.

But other things hurt too. Like high cholesterol...it plugs up the blood vessels and makes it harder to get blood into Mr Happy. Or taking certain types of drugs, like antidepressants, etc. Sudafed, a popular hay fever drug, is exactly what doctors make you take if you ever get an erection that won't go down on its own, for instance.

Get your blood sugar under control with meds, exercise, and diet. Cut out all the useless carbs, like sugar, sodas, ice cream, candy, pies, etc. Just train yourself to not want them anymore. Cut way back on pasta, white rice, white bread, etc.

If the lower blood sugar does not do the trick, Viagra/Cialis/levetra will probably do the deed.

But along with working on yourself, work on the wife too. Figure out what is going on there...THAT is scary.


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## barbados (Aug 30, 2012)

loveshiswife said:


> * Leaving her* ....... *is not an option. *


If this is off the table, then you very well may be looking at a sexless marriage forever.

Start the 180 pronto, get the diabetes under control, get in shape if you are not already.

If your wife doesn't respond, time to go.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Having been in a marriage for 20 years with a partner who had PE issues, I can tell you that resentment does build and eventually you lose desire for sex when all it ever is is a "quickie." In my case, his PE was a definite symptom of his overall passive-aggressive personality, and he had no desire to change and improve his "performance." It doesn't sound like that's the case with you, however, as you are willing to please her in other ways besides PIV (my ex was not.)

You have stated that your PE issues have nothing to do with your diabetes/ED issues as your PE has been present throughout most of your marriage. I'm guessing that the sex has been disappointing to her over the years and she's just not that into you any more. 

I don't mean to sound crass, but sometimes a woman just wants her partner to pound the daylights out of her (I know I did), and PE prevents that from happening. It all gets very frustrating for the woman, and no doubt frustrating for you.

Sorry if that sounds harsh, but I think it's a reality with PE. A trained sex therapist could help you with this issue, are you willing to go that far to improve your sex life?

Sorry for your health issues.


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## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

I'm going to be in a slightly different camp than a few others, but again just my opinion. I would suggest you not attempt to tackle every issue at once and also assume you can only fix your issues, you can't deal with hers. She will have to work on herself and her own issues. 

My personal advice, tackle the diabetes issue first and aggressively in such a way that you will not have to be on meds to control it. This will require a total lifestyle change, but at 32 dealing with diabetes mellitus type 2, expect your health (along with your sexual health) to decline every five years. It will come to the point that your premature ejaculation will not matter. 

Stick with addressing all the issues you are trying to fix in the long haul rather than everything all in one encompassing manner; but address first things first, the diabetes. The lifestyle change will also come with other positive affects that may affect your sexual performance (positive), but those issue can be dealt with on a separate level.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

One more thing OP... here's an article that gives some really good insight as well as exercises to overcome PE. If my husband would have been open to this (as well as some counseling for his SEVERE passive-aggressive bullish*t) we might still be married.

I agree with drerio... tackle one thing at a time. Stress and anxiety are TOTALLY counterproductive to dealing with PE, and diabetes adds a whole 'nother complicated layer. But be open to the fact that you have not been an "adequate" lover in the past and she is FRUSTRATED... (never mind the diabetes issues which are actual MEDICAL problems, not psychological ones).

A woman needs to feel that her man is "dominant"... Sadly, PE precludes this. Speaking from my point of view, I want the whole caveman/Alpha "take me" experience. My ex used to continue thrusting after he had already "finished" in an attempt to "fake me out." 

:wtf: Anyone can tell the difference between "al dente" and "mushy"...

And I just want to add, EVEN if he couldn't have rectified all the PE issues, if my husband had been more aggressive, more dominant, more PASSIONATE (instead of just getting himself off) we might still have made it. PE often boils down to selfishness and NOT a medical condition at all (low-T being a very convenient cop-out trending at the moment).

Tips For Curing Premature Ejaculation - AskMen


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## Q tip (Apr 15, 2014)

Hit the Gym 4 times a week. Work up to one hour aerobics and one hour solid weight lifting. Start less, maybe 15 minutes aerobics, half hour weights.

Get a good trainer. Will be worth it. Will get you in the right form and habits quickly. Lose weight. Diet. No more white food. Sugar, noodles, rice, bread and absolutely zero high fructose corn syrup. It's poison to your body. Lots of greens.

Go to life extension foundation - link. Highest Quality Vitamins And Supplements - Life Extension you can fix everything with effort and dedication. Get aggressive about your health today.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

I've been resisting this thread because you have such good advice so far. 
I'm Diabetic onset at 37 so i got 5 years on you. still 5 years younger than average. 
Some things are worrying me about your medical treatment. At least talk to your doctor about them. First Weight. I have no idea where you are but typically a type 2 diabetic at your age would have too much belly fat, I do.  Second Testosterone. Low T, over Weight and Diabetes go together. I wasted 13 years before getting the Testosterone test. the test is better now but why my Dr didn't look into it sooner? Doctors will not talk to you about other things that can help the ED Because they are salesmen for the big 3 ED drugs. Not that the drugs don't work, but Zinc and leg exercise work as well and will make the pills work better. Any exercise that promotes more blood flow to your legs is going to help, including some Yoga stretches I've used. I found that I got good results from walking for an hour at 3 mph for at least 2 days in advance. Swimming was more fun. Do What works for you.


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