# wifes sex issues because of d's molestation



## purple (Jul 28, 2009)

Hello ladys,
Here is a real hard one i need advice for. First off my wife will NOT go to counceling wants to deal with this alone!
My daughter, her step daughter, was molested by my father about 2 years ago, court case ended in October, he went to jail, was released last week. Our daughter is well as she was only 3 at the time and has been healing nicely, My wife.... not so much healing well. She does not like sex and it for me is an issue because i want to be close to her, I have tried to discuss the issue as she shows little affection as well but she tells me and i know she loves me, but the sexual issue is a trigger that makes her rage immensly!!!!! Finally i was brave enough to bring it up and found out that as well as her not liking what she looks like and having no libido as she has gone through major depression and i kinda think she is still in it, has been since she was very young, she said it has to do with my father molesting my daughter and the fact he is my blood. I have had no contact with ANYONE from that side of the family nor will i ever. So how or what do i do to help my wife put this in the past so we can be close again. At times she does blame me for not catching it earlier, but i have been loving, supportive, and patient and i would like the intimate part of our life to be ok.
Thanks for any insight as i am a man and i can kind of grasp what a woman would feel but i just need to know what i can do to get my family back on track.


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

Maybe you should get your wife on here. I personally do not see any way she can heal alone--she has too much baggage, it appears.

One thing to address is her health/fitness--does she work out? If not, developing some fitness will not only help her mood, it will help her feel better about her body--not entirely, perhaps, but maybe enough to make her feel sexy again. Overcoming body image issues is a big part of this, too, and I would suggest she start looking at herself naked in the mirror, each day, focusing on what she likes about herself (even if it is just her fingertips) and doing lots of positive self-talk and refusing to get caught up in negative self-talk. Takes lots of mental focus and time, but she can do it. She can also focus on her nipples, which she knows are sensitive AND attractive to you--not much to criticize there. Basically, every time she finds herself focusing on something negative about herself, she diverts herself to something positive. She can start with 30 seconds and build up until she can look at herself with no negative thoughts, no matter how long she looks. No matter her shape, if she thinks positive thoughts about herself and trains herself not to indulge ones, she'll learn to feel better about herself. 

One thing about fitness: no matter how fit we are, women can find things to criticize about themselves. So fitness alone isn't enough. She needs to learn to think well of herself and to think of herself as a sexual being. Good luck!!


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