# 3 years post affair



## indiecat (Sep 24, 2012)

Now I am the bad one because I don't practice the principles of forgiveness and reconciliation and dare to bring his 3 year A up on occassion.

Especially when he says he can't figure out why we are not happy, or together, and why I have trust issues and triggers. 

Someone should warn people about this, you give the cheater a second chance and then you become the bad guy if you bring it up after a period of time.


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## Mr Blunt (Jul 18, 2012)

*Do you have real good reason for bringing it up?* If yes then he should stop trying to divert the subject.

If you do not have a real good reason then you are taking a chance of hurting the healing and reconciliation progress. You are not the “bad one” but *if he has taken actions that show that is really is remorseful and you have no good reason to bring it up then you are not doing the wisest thing by bringing up the affair*. I know it is very tempting to bring it up but the question is will that help or hinder the healing and reconciliation.

If he has taken actions to show true remorse and you have no good reason to suspect that he is cheating, then I would say that after 3 years you have a bit more work to do on the forgiveness thing. If you have a good reason for bringing it up then his response is a diversion.


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## indiecat (Sep 24, 2012)

We are separated due to his verbal abuse, the cheating is just part of it and most recent.


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## AlmostYoung (May 24, 2012)

Forgiveness is for you. 

Or do you want to take your pain to the grave with you?


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## regrowth (Dec 21, 2012)

You can not forget until you forgive.


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## Kallan Pavithran (Jan 17, 2012)

regrowth said:


> *You can not forget* until you forgive.



Can anyone forget the infideelity? I can never. It will follow to my grave.


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## AngryandUsed (Jun 23, 2011)

In other words, he is saying you should now be over his A.

He is the reason for mistrust. Le him know that.


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