# Too young to have sexless marriage



## bebhinntm (Dec 7, 2008)

I'm 25, my husband and I have been married for a year and a half and together for over 6 years. I feel like we are just friends. I have no sexual attraction towards him. Our relationship has no passion, romance, or excitement. We hardly ever kiss or hug. We have sex like once a week, which I suppose isn't that bad, but I would like at least 3 times a week and would like it to NOT BE BORING...which it is. I have tried to get him to use toys, watch porn, use massage oils, etc. He just never wants to do new things. He says he likes sex and wants to have it with me, but he never seems to get into it. He never really acts into it, like making noises or anything. I also always feel like I'm being rushed to get aroused,and rushed to have an orgasm. It's like it's all work and it's not about just taking our time and enjoying each other. The funny thing is that he can hold off his orgasm for as long as he wants, so I have no idea why we can't take our time and enjoy one another. It always feels like he touches me sexually just to turn me on and not because he really wants to touch my body. A lot of women complain that their men are always grabbing them, I wish my husband would do that sometimes, just so I felt desirable. He's a great guy, would do almost anything for me (outside of the bedroom). We spend a lot of time together and we enjoy each other's company. I don't want to leave him, but I'm so frustrated and I often think about other men. We are planning on going to therapy. I was just wondering if anyone had any insight and honestly, i just needed to get this all off my chest because I don't really have anyone to talk to about it.


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

Hi.

Firstly, I would like to know if it was always like this...


What you need to do, is find his "hot button". There will be something that really turns him on, but maybe he is afraid to mention for fear of embarrassment. It might be something a bit kinky - maybe he would like you to spank him (maybe not).

Sex once a week is not quite sexless, but it sounds as if your main complaint is in the quality, not the quantity. He may well be enjoying sex with you more than he lets on. You need to take the upper hand and keep pushing. Never give up until the day you have had enough.


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

bebhinntm said:


> Our relationship has no passion, romance, or excitement...I also always feel like I'm being rushed to get aroused,and rushed to have an orgasm. It's like it's all work and it's not about just taking our time and enjoying each other.... It always feels like he touches me sexually just to turn me on and not because he really wants to touch my body. A lot of women complain that their men are always grabbing them, I wish my husband would do that sometimes, just so I felt desirable. He's a great guy, would do almost anything for me (outside of the bedroom). We spend a lot of time together and we enjoy each other's company. I don't want to leave him, but I'm so frustrated and I often think about other men.


Totally know how you feel. I'm 26 and I've been dealing with this for three years. There are some days that Im so sexually frustrated that I want to go to the nearest bar and have fun! No, not really, but I do miss feeling wanted. 

My advice to you would be to ask yourself if this is a battle you are willing to struggle with for a long time. There is something going on with your H. There is a reason he is acting this way. You just have to ask yourself if you really want to stick around, go through the emotional and physical frustrations (and they are brutal), to find out. 

There's also something going on with you. I find it interesting that you say you are not attracted to him, yet you are disappointed when he doesnt show a strong attraction to you. If you are not attracted to him, then how can you expect your sex life to really be good? Maybe you are holding back as much as he is? 

There has to be some hope for your relationship. There needs to be things he is doing, things you are doing that give you a constant stream of hope, a sense of steady progress, so that when you encounter those thoughts of other men, you can remember there is some hope for your relationship becoming the fantasy. Dont shut out your fantasy, just remember with whom you really want to share those moments with.


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## Guest (Dec 22, 2008)

I am in a very similar situation! Although I wish we were having sex once a week, I get to have it once a month and that's it. I am attracted to my boyfriend but he will not even remotely pursue me sexually even though he says he wants to be with me and likes being with me.

Maybe our sig. others are going through something similar? The therapist we started to see suggested going back to square one. Maybe you need to work up to sex again to slow it down. Set a date down the road where you will have sex and before that date you can do everything but. Maybe this will open you two back up to just enjoying each other and remember what it was like in the beginning when everything is new and exciting.


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