# 16 years, 1 kid, 2 dogs....



## glenn (Dec 28, 2010)

To continue my other thread, 

One thing we argue about a lot is our dogs. 
Background:
We got our 75 pound chow/husky as an 8 week old puppy on Palm Sunday 2008. I was shocked my wife agreed to the puppy (outside of Church in the parking lot), but she did and we brought our baby girl home).

Over the next 3 weeks, my wife made me get rid of my girl 3 times and each time she missed her and I got her back. (I was a fool to get rid of her the first time. I'm a much better dog person now. It won't happen again.)
My son (6 at the time) wanted a smaller dog. The 3rd time we got rid of the Samy, we got a chihuahua. The dogs get along great with each other. They are literally best friends. 

I'm the only one that gives the dogs any attention. I don't like that, but I can't force my wife or son to pay more attention to them.

When we first got the dogs, Jake - the chihuahua slept on the sofa on a blanket all the time. The big dog sleeps everywhere, including sometimes on the sofa.
This USED to be OK, but my wife hates the dogs on the sofa and won't allow it anymore.

(One of the best days ever in our marriage in the past 3 years was sitting on the sofa in the living room with my wife, son and two dogs all on the sofa - watching Marley & Me)

If I sit on the sofa in the living room, the dogs immediately jump up next to me. Jake is always in my lap and Samy sits next to me.

My wife screams bloody murder. I'm relegated to watching TV in the garage, because I won't kick my dogs off the sofa. I WON'T do it. They're family members to me.

My wife constantly complains about dog hair. She complains the house smells like dog (it doesn't). She complains that she can't sit on the sofa if the dogs sat there previously because the sofa is dirty now.

Our house is not now clean and really never has been. Not at all. 

If it was up to me, the dogs would be in the bedroom. At least on the floor, if not allowed to sleep on the bed too. But I've agreed with the rule "no dogs in the bedrooms". I don't like it but I've agreed to it.

I resent my wife already about her treatment of the dogs. She resents me just as much because I allow them on the furniture.
I've offered NUMEROUS times to buy a sofa for the living room that the dogs are allowed on and I would agree to keep them off the other ones. She won't allow it. (I think I may still buy that sofa, but it's sure to piss her off.)

If she had her way, the dogs would live outside all the time and never be allowed in the house. That is completely unacceptable to me.

This really may end up being the issue that pushes us over the edge.

-----------------------------
My wife has said hundreds of times that she won't kiss me because I smell like dog, or because I have dog hair on me. She says she'd sit next to me when we watch a movie but can't because of the dogs.

We've had these dogs since 2008. She never sits next to me when we watch a movie (we have a 3 seat wide sofa with both ends reclining and we both sit on the reclining ends). It's been that way for many years before we got the dogs. 

The kissing stopped YEARS ago too. She's just using the dog excuse now - and I know it.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Although I'm a huge animal lover, this scenario is even too much for me. Having a 75 pound dog on the sofa is way too much. So, do the dogs also eat at the table? I'm thinking you may need to consult a dog obedience trainer for achieving some acceptable parameters......find a way to have some balance between the humans and canines in the house.


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

Have you ever heard of compromise?? Seriously, what you are doing is showing your wife that her feelings are of little importance, your feelings and the dogs come first. Personally as much as I love animals they should never rule the house. Like your wife dog hair and slobber is a huge turn off for me. And do you think you're doing your six year old child any favors by having him breath dog dander all day? I'm sure there are other negative things going on in your marriage and the dog issue is just another battle ground. For the life of me I can't understand why you would put the dogs before your wife, if she doesn't want them on the furniture why's that even an argument? And why would she kiss you? Do you think she wants sloppy seconds after you've been making out with the dogs? Trust me here, if you've got dog hair on you and you've been cuddling up with the dogs you STINK like dog! And your wife has reached such a level of resentment that every sight and smell associated with the dogs pisses her off. 

Maybe you are right saying she is just using the dogs as an excuse not cuddle an kiss, why not find out? Do an experiment, train the dogs to stay off the couch. Run the vacuum a few times a week, shampoo the carpets and the furniture, change your clothes and take a shower before you try to cuddle up to her. 

Why do you love the dogs more than your wife and child? And don't say you don't, your actions are clear.


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## Tiredspouse0297 (Dec 9, 2010)

Sorry but I say leave the wife, keep the dogs. That's what I'm saving up to do. I'll take dog hair and stinky dog feet over my husband's crappy treatment any day.


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

Tiredspouse0297 said:


> Sorry but I say leave the wife, keep the dogs. That's what I'm saving up to do. I'll take dog hair and stinky dog feet over my husband's crappy treatment any day.



I would agree with that if the rest of their marriage stinks, he could take the dogs and live happily ever after. 

But if they're trying to work on the marriage keeping the dogs off the couch is such an easy little gesture I don't understand why he wouldn't do it. When you live alone you can do as you like, when you live with someone there's all sorts of compromises. 

My guess is the dogs are just another brick in a crumbling wall.


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## Atholk (Jul 25, 2009)

That thing where where women kiss the dog and the dog slobbers all over them and then the woman wants me to kiss her... :redcard:

The dogs may be "your family" but they can't take half your stuff and sue for child support.

You're actively revolting your wife and you know it.


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## Tiredspouse0297 (Dec 9, 2010)

Very true, if the rest of the marriage is good than keeping the dogs off the couch is the least he can do. It sounds though, like maybe her complaining about the dogs is just the tip of the iceberg.


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## glenn (Dec 28, 2010)

The dogs are definitely a tip of the iceberg type thing.

I've read these comments though and will try to see this issue from her side.

I think we both need to make some changes. One change I've made is I just will ignore her if she starts yelling or throwing any insults around. I will refuse to listen and won't respond.

And I'll see what compromises I can make about the dogs. No promises yet.


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