# Watching porn after wifes affair...painful



## Wolfgar (Nov 15, 2011)

I'm not a hardcore porn addict or anything, but like most men...I occasionally watched it. After my wifes affair I have zero interest anymore, watching it just disgusts me now. Anyone else have a similar experience. 

I guess it's just a trigger for me know, makes me think of her and the OM having sex.


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## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

Strange. I thought you being intimate with her would be more of a trigger?


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## TheGoodFight (Oct 26, 2011)

I had the same reaction, though for me it was any porn with BJs in it since that's what they did. Of course, that's pretty much every porn so...yea, I kind of get turned off by them now.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

A male member of this forum, the_guy, has stated that he views his wife's affairs as nothing but "bad porno". Also, though the sex may have been enjoyable, it is the currency that a woman pays to receive the attention she craves from the OM. Give this some thought.


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

morituri said:


> A male member of this forum, the_guy, has stated that he views his wife's affairs as nothing but "bad porno". Also, though the sex may have been enjoyable, it is the currency that a woman pays to receive the attention she craves from the OM. Give this some thought.


Yeah, it's all about the attention, not the sex; that's what the women all say. After all, the OM always has a tiny tool (too small for rubbers to fit anyway), can't get it up, and the sex is lousy. Until wifey gets some kickback from the BH; then OM is a mule and the sex was the best ever.


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## elph (Apr 2, 2011)

morituri said:


> A male member of this forum, the_guy, has stated that he views his wife's affairs as nothing but "bad porno". Also, though the sex may have been enjoyable, it is the currency that a woman pays to receive the attention she craves from the OM. Give this some thought.


this has to be one of the best things ive read in awhile.

i know for sure this applies to my wife, because while she likes sex, its not the be all to end all of the relationship. her affair is completely based around my "neglect" and how the OM "makes her feel special" (or felt as the case currently stands)

im not saying all women cheat fro emotional reasons, but id guess a good 75% or so do.


back to on topic, it is tough to watch pro porn. because the starts and such are constructed a certain way. (ie i found out the OM is quite larger, though during her "moments of clarity" it doenst mean better, s he seems to be the prototypical big guy, tool speaks for it self kinda guy)


i can watch amature where things seem a little less threatening. but other times the mind movies start and thats it.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Machiavelli said:


> Yeah, it's all about the attention, not the sex; that's what the women all say. After all, the OM always has a tiny tool (too small for rubbers to fit anyway), can't get it up, and the sex is lousy. Until wifey gets some kickback from the BH; then OM is a mule and the sex was the best ever.


I don't discount that there are some married women out there who do enjoy the sex with the OM (especially if their husband is a selfish lover), but how do you account for female members of this forum who have cheated on their husbands, (_who are not married to us and thus have no reason to lie to us_) and who have repeatedly said that it wasn't the sex that made them go back to the OM again and again, but the attention (I call it ego gratification) they received from him?

Just because a husband may be well endowed does not mean that his wife won't cheat on him with a man with a below average size penis.


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## couple (Nov 6, 2010)

A very long time ago I fell asleep while watching a regular (non porn) film. A sex scene came on where the woman was screaming while the guy was doing her hard. I woke up from the noise and immediately fell into a panic attack thinking about my love laying back and getting this done to her. I'll never forget that feeling.

Porn where the guy is very large graphically shows how different sex must for a women when she's getting penetrated by a huge penis. I suppose that this can be upsetting to some people to think about their wife stretched out like this and getting pounded in all kinds of positions, being completely dominated and being taken to ecstasy with a combination of pain and pleasure. But life can be cruel at times!


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Great sex is a combination of many factors (i.e. trust, consideration, physical and mental health, hygiene, personality, attraction, etc.). So until we reincarnate as women and experience sex as women, all our beliefs about the importance of penis size are laughable at best.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

This is very interesting, I also stopped on the porn. We watched alot of soft stuff, and we always had the full package when ever me and Mrs. the-guy check in to a room. But right after I finaly confronted her we stopped watching it. Infact even alone I found my self here at TAM instead of getting my porn fix.

I have no explaination, but I too went down this road and I also am healing and have started to get back into some bad habits. Not as much porn as before but the taste for it has come back. Its been 2yrs and 1 month since d-day.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Maybe some of it has to do with the hyper bounding going on? Or the lack of your taste for porn has something to do with the attempt of reclaiming what you though was all yours ? It might be the amount of sex the both of you are having out wieghs the efforts in "rubbing" one out? I also was more interested in tracking my fWW then looking at porn.

Again I can't explain it, but it also happened to me.


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

morituri said:


> I don't discount that there are some married women out there who do enjoy the sex with the OM (especially if their husband is a selfish lover), but how do you account for female members of this forum who have cheated on their husbands, (_who are not married to us and thus have no reason to lie to us_) and who have repeatedly said that it wasn't the sex that made them go back to the OM again and again, but the attention (I call it ego gratification) they received from him?


It's all wrapped up together in the same primal-biological ball of wax. Most of it is governed by the formerly so-called "reptilian brain." It's all working below the operator's cognizance, the driver says the car went forward because she pressed on the gas pedal. Actually, much more was going on under the hood than the driver knew.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Machiavelli said:


> It's all working below the operator's cognizance, the driver says the car went forward because she pressed on the gas pedal. Actually, much more was going on under the hood than the driver knew.


But if she's doesn't know what goes "under her hood" then what makes you think that you or I do?


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

morituri said:


> But if she's doesn't know what goes "under her hood" then what makes you think that you or I do?


It's all about the biological drive. That's why the rationalization hamster is so predictable as it runs its course.


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## Hurtin_Still (Oct 3, 2011)

I feel somewhat the same way about porn. It bothers me particularly if it's themed around the "wayward wife". Additionally...I cannot sit through any non-porn movie or show that focuses on marital infidelity. 17 years after my wife's PA....I still hurt too much for it even register as _"it's just a movie_"...because it revloves around activity that will invariably leave someone hurting / pained as I am. 

And, regarding the possibility that the wife and I will ever view porn together....it's just not going to happen. The triggers will be just too strong....and the anger will just grow out of control.


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

Wolfgar said:


> I'm not a hardcore porn addict or anything, but like most men...I occasionally watched it. After my wifes affair I have zero interest anymore, watching it just disgusts me now. Anyone else have a similar experience.
> 
> I guess it's just a trigger for me know, makes me think of her and the OM having sex.


Are you having sex with your wife now?

One thing I feel is resentment when I watch porn in that SOMEONE is having sex and it's not me. Especially amateur stuff... real people not getting paid and not porn stars having sex and I'm not. Grrrrr...


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## cantthinkstraight (May 6, 2012)

Wolfgar said:


> I'm not a hardcore porn addict or anything, but like most men...I occasionally watched it. After my wifes affair I have zero interest anymore, watching it just disgusts me now. Anyone else have a similar experience.
> 
> I guess it's just a trigger for me know, makes me think of her and the OM having sex.


A-f*cken-men.

(Unfortunately).

I visit a site that has porn gifs all over the home page
and while I didn't pay too much attn to them before,
after my wife's affair, they really, really bother me.

It's terrible.


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## Martin12 (Apr 27, 2012)

Machiavelli said:


> Yeah, it's all about the attention, not the sex; that's what the women all say. After all, the OM always has a tiny tool (too small for rubbers to fit anyway), can't get it up, and the sex is lousy.


Ha, ha, that's what I am hearing from my wife in the immediate wake of her affair.



Machiavelli said:


> Until wifey gets some kickback from the BH; then OM is a mule and the sex was the best ever.


Have not heard that yet; she's swore there was no penetration, wonder if that story will change.

I was watching some BDSM porn where the woman is tied up, spanked, and done; I might try that with wifey.:awink:


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

Martin12 said:


> Have not heard that yet; she's swore there was no penetration, wonder if that story will change.


That's right, and Clinton never inhaled.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

@Martin12, We did some roll playing after d-day and it did wonders for me....it was an ego boostor maybe a self esteem builder...not sure but spanking my fWW and her submissive role help alot.

Any way, the porn thing is interesting, it took me a a handful of months to get back into the "swing" of things. I guess I was to busy with the hystirical bonding and acting out my own porn to watch others.


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## GTA06 (Feb 17, 2012)

Well I've had some similar problems with porn in the past and now in present .I am now looking to change myself for the better for myself and my wife .


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## gardenguy (Jun 13, 2012)

You are not alone. I feel the same way about porn after learning of my fiance's affair.


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

GTA06 said:


> Well I've had some similar problems with porn in the past and now in present .I am now looking to change myself for the better for myself and my wife .


I never considered my viewing of porn to be over the top or did it ever replace my wife. For her this has been her excuse for her A. After about a dozen reasons why she cheated and me telling her why I did not buy a single one of them she latched onto it was because you looked at porn. It did give her some standing with some family members.

Anyway, I talking to another counselor on Friday, joining group next week that will go to September. Just to let my wife know if she thinks this is the problem I am jumping on the opportunity that I am and will be porn free.

I am just so tired of her excuses and am willing to show her that hey, you think this is the problem then I am willing to do just about anything to show you that it isn't.

If she was reading this I would ask her, what the hel* are you doing about your issues?


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## Zanna (May 10, 2012)

morituri said:


> Great sex is a combination of many factors (i.e. trust, consideration, physical and mental health, hygiene, personality, attraction, etc.). So until we reincarnate as women and experience sex as women, all our beliefs about the importance of penis size are laughable at best.


Okay, at the risk of being too graphic. A man who is bigger than the length of your vaginal canal (sorry TMI) is not better. Unless of course a woman likes being repeatedly stabbed in the cervix and enjoys that sort of pain. Yikes. I do not.


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

Zanna said:


> Okay, at the risk of being too graphic. A man who is bigger than the length of your vaginal canal (sorry TMI) is not better. Unless of course a woman likes being repeatedly stabbed in the cervix and enjoys that sort of pain. Yikes. I do not.


Yup. As my wife used to always tell me: "Not so deep!" "You're hurting me!" Apparently only porn girls like getting their cervix rearranged.


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## Fvstringpicker (Mar 11, 2012)

I'm wondering if this is the situation in respect to watching porn:

Before the affair-- the man envisioned himself banging the porn star.

After the affair--the man envisions his wife banging to porn star.


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## Fvstringpicker (Mar 11, 2012)

Machiavelli said:


> Yup. As my wife used to always tell me: "Not so deep!" "You're hurting me!"


I heard through the grapevine that in certain circles you are also known as Machiavelli the Mule.


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## hookares (Dec 7, 2011)

Trust me guys. The guys who are blessed with less than average are having one night stands at the most with cheating wives.
Women who are craving whatever attention they aren't getting at home aren't going to chance losing their meal ticket over a guy who isn't at least average.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

wonder what happened to Wolfgar after that public fight he and his wife had 2 months ago


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

Fvstringpicker said:


> I heard through the grapevine that in certain circles you are also known as Machiavelli the Mule.


Strictly _used to be_. Those days are gone. Since my prostate surgery, what I get now at max penetration is "Are you in? I don't feel anything."

Better to have been a mule and lost than to have never been a mule at all, though.


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## gardenguy (Jun 13, 2012)

Fvstringpicker said:


> I'm wondering if this is the situation in respect to watching porn:
> 
> Before the affair-- the man envisioned himself banging the porn star.
> 
> After the affair--the man envisions his wife banging to porn star.


In my case, I envision my fiance as the porn star... pre and post affair... the problem is that before it was just a sexy fantasy... now it is too real... and is painful to watch.


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