# I need help not judgment please



## twinkletoes (Mar 26, 2012)

Hi to all, Please read this all the way through before passing any judgement. I need help or at least a reasoning mind. I am completely new to this site and anything to do with my issue. I am married and would have said happily for almost 20 years to a loving, wonderful, caring woman who has been anything any man should ever want in a wife. Unfortunately my life has changed dramatically and through no-ones fault but my own, I find myself in a position that leaves me spiralling out of control. OK, I fell in love with a girl (let's call her Tracy) at my school who I knew was the love of my life even at the age of 16 and still is. We spent a lot of time together and both her father leaving the forces and me joining it ripped us apart, I was heartbroken. Because of that heartbreak 9 years without relationship later, I met my wife and have been very happy until 4 years ago when me and Tracy met again online and as my job took me to her part of England struck up a friendship. It was immediately evident that we were still in love and even though we tried to tell ourselves it couldn't happen, it did. She has now been divorced is looking to be loved and I want to be with her. I could not bear to lose her again after a miscomunication meant we lost contact years earlier. First to illustrate how I feel, I have missed this woman and thought about her for the full 27 years we were apart. I would have even cancelled my wedding if she turned up beforehand. I imagined what I would say to her and did so even through all the years we were not in contact. My problem is that I want to be with her and she with me but of course I am married, I did ask you read all the way through please. I still have great feelings for my wife but don't want to hurt her or my children (16 and 18 (left home)) but I am with every text, call, email and thought. My wife has been aware of my feelings but forgiven me three times for the 'contact' (although unaware of the physical side of things) and that hurts knowing I seem not to be able to help myself. I am becoming ill with this and as I have not left yet, Tracy is avoiding contact for the time being, it is effecting my whole life, mood, work etc even though I am putting on the front that everything is fine. That's my problem and although it may be all over the place as is my mind, if i can put it bluntly my question is, is it fair for me to keep my wife believing I am happy and we are fine when all I can think about is Tracy as I wake and sleep? Not that it should make a difference but I want to add that I am not a monster but a tortured man. I know what I am doing to a fine woman so plan to move from the house, pay the mortgage (£850 monthly) at least until and in the event my wife finds someone else and pay something towards living as we still have one child at home, I can not see them without support. Please help me see that either I should live the rest of my days longing for someone else and hurting an unknowing wife or release her from a somewhat false love if I can use that term, by telling all and let her go. I can not talk to anyone about this and look to you for something, anything to help ease this turmoil in me.

Regards,

Twinkletoes


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

Members, please keep your posts frank but respectul, thanks.


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## Mindful Coach (Sep 15, 2011)

I would question Tracy's morality knowing that she would sleep with a married man, in love or not, it is not an excuse to cheat. 

But, let your wife and children and past twenty years of your life go - be with the one you think you love and allow your wife to find someone that is going to love her completely without playing second fiddle to a relationship that has mostly been in your head and not in the day to day struggles of life. She deserves at least that much.


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## twinkletoes (Mar 26, 2012)

Thank you Moderator, I appreciate that but I am expecting some level of anger, I completely understand it.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Tell your wife of your dilemma, she'll fix it for you
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## twinkletoes (Mar 26, 2012)

Thank you so far for the constructive points. Tracy I must point out was in an unhappy, at times abusive relationship and while concensual, most of the 'running' was done by me, please dont blame her. You're right my wife deserves more but it's the pain I will inflict that holds me back until now.


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

Life is short. If you think you would be happier with this other woman then divorce your wife, and free her as well.

But remember - the grass isn't always greener. You could find that this would also be the biggest regret of your life.

Best wishes.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## twinkletoes (Mar 26, 2012)

Thank you, I know the grass may not be greener and it is a great concern but as I feel now it would be better to live out my days alone without hurting anyone than to carry on. I am not a bad person, just caught up in something i feel I can not control.


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## twinkletoes (Mar 26, 2012)

Thank you all for your considered responses. I get upset just thinking about this so I will check back tomorrow. thank you.


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## Halien (Feb 20, 2011)

Keep in mind that most people who read this are pretty convinced that you just want to hear a little verbal thrashing so you can tell yourself that you've considered both sides. Its not a personal observation, but more of a comment about people who hold such beliefs that there can be this "soulmate" out there who will take our hand and walk to utopia with us.

I understand the power that this feeling can have over a person. I walked away from what seemed like a perfect relationship before meeting my wife. The problem is that the allure of this glimpse into the other woman's life and mind doesn't even come close to taking into accout the day to day problems that will ultimately come along. Unless you, as an adult, learn that a beautiful marriage only becomes so because YOU make it so, it will very likely fail. Right now, you've mentally connected to the old flame, but you've never had a chance to learn how a person fosters the types of thought processes that turns the everyday life into a greater than life marriage.It is all dependent upon learning how to divorce yourself from the petty details that tend to make you unable to see the real beauty of your relationship with your wife. Learning to see what is important within her. She becomes even more beautiful because you learn to see the beauty within her. These details take years to learn. If you don't have them under your belt, I'm convinced that you'll look back on this time with regret.

Just my opinion.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Sometimes...we build up a fantasy of "what could have been." We overlook what we have because it's "normal" or "boring"....funny thing though, our lives that we are so quick to cast aside are other people's fantasies.

That being said, this woman Tracy is no longer who she was when you loved her. She was in an abusive relationship and is reaching out to someone to save her. You are 'familiar' and seem head over heals for her, so you seem safe. Seems a bit odd to me that you two didn't connect again until she was having marriage problems...perhaps she was romanticizing the past as well.

You have a wonderful wife whom you have cheated on, both emotionally and physically. Your children will never look at you the same. Depending on where they are in their life, a breakup/affair of their father/ etc can cause great turmoil in them...distrust, etc. All for a fantasy. If they are girls, they will have trouble trusting men. If they are male, they will hate you for hurting their mother. (well, each gender may do that).

You have a lot to lose. Things other men would gladly pick up, and maybe they should...because you do not want the wonderful life you have.

Where do you live? Do you plan to move to England and just forget about your children? Wow. You say you don't want to hurt your children, but that is inevitable. We never want to hurt people but our actions sometimes do hurt others. That's life. 

Your friend Tracy is not of good moral character. Knowing you're married and still continuing an affair is not emotionally or mentally stable. She had a lot of baggage that WILL affect your relationship. Think about it. She's in a bad marriage. That affects people. You will be used to pick up the pieces.

I am saddened that you think your wife is so disposable. This means the whole marriage was a lie...you were thinking of someone else. You married your wife because she was convenient. These are things your wife will think of you after you tell her all of this.

It's all around sad. Yes, you deserve to be happy, but that happiness can't be found anywhere but within yourself. Your selfishness will destroy your life....but that's what you'll have to learn for yourself.


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## Mindful Coach (Sep 15, 2011)

twinkletoes said:


> Thank you so far for the constructive points. Tracy I must point out was in an unhappy, at times abusive relationship and while concensual, most of the 'running' was done by me, please dont blame her. You're right my wife deserves more but it's the pain I will inflict that holds me back until now.


Tracy was in a dysfunctional marriage, left it and had an affair with a married man. Those are her actions and of course she needs to be held accountable for her own choices. Saying you love her and turning her into a victim of circumstances is not the healthiest outlook. 

Your wife loves you, she has given you children and dedicated twenty years of her life to you. If the only reason you are not leaving her is to save her pain and heartbreak, it is not a kindness that is good for her, it will only put her through more pain.

Of course this is painful for you and you are torn. The bottom line is you have to listen to your own heart, you simply can't keep two women on a string while you try to assure yourself the best position for your future. It might be best to leave both of them until you are sure about where you stand.


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

Halien said:


> Keep in mind that most people who read this are pretty convinced that you just want to hear a little verbal thrashing so you can tell yourself that you've considered both sides. Its not a personal observation, but more of a comment about people who hold such beliefs that there can be this "soulmate" out there who will take our hand and walk to utopia with us.
> 
> I understand the power that this feeling can have over a person. I walked away from what seemed like a perfect relationship before meeting my wife. The problem is that the allure of this glimpse into the other woman's life and mind doesn't even come close to taking into accout the day to day problems that will ultimately come along. Unless you, as an adult, learn that a beautiful marriage only becomes so because YOU make it so, it will very likely fail. Right now, you've mentally connected to the old flame, but you've never had a chance to learn how a person fosters the types of thought processes that turns the everyday life into a greater than life marriage.It is all dependent upon learning how to divorce yourself from the petty details that tend to make you unable to see the real beauty of your relationship with your wife. Learning to see what is important within her. She becomes even more beautiful because you learn to see the beauty within her. These details take years to learn. If you don't have them under your belt, I'm convinced that you'll look back on this time with regret.
> 
> Just my opinion.


Very eloquent! I like this response a lot, Halien!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## twinkletoes (Mar 26, 2012)

I know it may not make a difference but I'd like to clarify some things. Tracy was in a marriage that yes she was not enjoying and stifled her and did not let her live life as she wanted. We met and began the affair when she still was in the relationship. I am not under any illusions about what I already have but that's my point, I am not treating my wife in a way that she deserves and I do not see me being able to stop my behaviour bearing in mind this has been going on for me for 27 years. I made all the moves despite Tracy resisting. She is a strong woman and someone who would not need saving and would strongly disagree that she is ever a victim. I live in the East of England and Tracy lives in the North, I know this is going to hurt people including and most importantly my children but I am trying to balance that against the effect it will eventually have on my wife and I because this will boil over at some point, I can't hide this or my close to the surface emotions. Don't get me wrong I get upset for me but also for the pain I will cause to my wife in trying to, in a twisted way, save her from more. I resent the mention of Tracys low morale character, I get it from a common opinion standpoint but I dispute it of her. She is a very morale person and despite what has happened she resisted and all that has happened I take full responsibility for. I made the implied proposition, instigated the visits and was the first to declare my love. I understand the thinking around declaring my marriage a lie, I do and I know it is impossible to some but I do love my wife and without having ever met Tracy would live happily with her until my dying day. But, Tracy was always the woman I wanted to marry, my wife was not convenient, she was a loving and caring woman who I fell in love with. I had been without closeness to anyone for a long time and no one can stay that way forever. Back to the issue, I know I am cheating on my wife even if there is at present no contact with Tracy because I am always thinking of her. That hurts my wife and she deserves someone better than I can be. My choice is to continue hurting someone I deeply care about and remain in turmoil or to put this to an end even if it means I end up alone. That for me is preferable than the present circumstance. To Yinprincess, you make interesting points and I am not disputing the beauty of my wife, the point you make about making a beautiful marriage is right and up until this point that was true, now though it is me who is not making that marriage beautiful, should that less than beautiful marriage continue if I am failing it? The little details about the partner don't as you know come early as they didn't with my wife. I didn't know what she was truly like until years later so my relationship with Tracy at this point is no different. Ok bottom line is that if I have been longing for this woman for the last 27 years and put my marriage under threat a number of times and don't trust myself not to again at a moments notice, I don't see it stopping. should I continue to damage myself, my wife and ultimately my children? At the moment the unknown damage is effecting everything and destroying me as like I said I still care deeply for my wife who is a wonderful woman and although her behaviour has restricted my life (always suspicious and most would say now, justifiably) has done nothing to deserve this. I appreciate all the comments and your restraint of judgment so thank you all. I will answer all further comments and may return to let you all know of my decision. Once again thank you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Vanes (Mar 22, 2012)

I think this man showed amazing strength and courage to come out with these thoughts and ask for help. I wouldn't want to be in your situation, but at the moment...having a love like that since childhood is something I wish I had, and running into someone like that again is just blissful. Everyone's going to get hurt, that can't be avoided. Slowly, calmly and with care explain each of these things you've shared with us to her. You're kids are old enough to know and or handle this as a semi-adult. But maybe talk to one of them 1st as well. When I went off to college 1st year, oldest daughter my parents separated, by the 2nd year I had only Dad at the family home, depressed and broken but fixable, and a Mom who "all of sudden" is living in CT. Fast forward 12yrs later they are both remarried and happy, though in very different states, and towns, and now with 4 step sisters (all of us 1 year apart) so six daughters total. We have made do with their new existence and with my mother wanted more she did what you may do, seek, find and change. There's no shame in it, just tread lightly over emotions, put yourself in their shoes first. What it taught me was that "Wow my parents stayed together for 27 years just for us kids, just so we wouldn't see pain, divorce, hurt, we had nice home the typically 1 dog, 2 cats picket fence and had a wonderful childhood. Change is inevitable, you belong with love just as anyone else. If this is you're soul mate than what an amazing thing to say, you're kids will want you both to be happy don't be miserable, but be careful with those whom have loved you as well.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Many times we do not realize what we have until it's gone. Your wife and children are very real. A life with Tracy can never come close to the life you were so blessed with. Hope you open your eyes before it's too late.


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## twinkletoes (Mar 26, 2012)

Thank you Vanes for the advice. It's broaching the subject and seeing the pain it will inflict, that hurts just thinking about it while, at the same time allowing my wife to believe everything is ok is just as upsetting because she does deserve more but knowing I am not strong enough to prevent it is killing me. I have never been in this position nor had a second thought about straying in all our years. I knew I was in trouble the moment I met up with Tracy once more and I had no fight for it. I dont know what to do and I know no-one can help me make the decision. Anyway if I make the decision to unburden myself of this I think the softly softly approach is the best way, if there is such a thing.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

You can't NOT hurt your wife and children with this.
You have cheated on both your wife and your kids.
If you leave, you will cause them great pain. 

That is inevitable--it's a fact of life. Especially after 27 years together. My goodness, that is a long time. 

Nonetheless, I don't do validation. So my advice is this: tell your wife how you feel/what's going on. She has a right to know. Then let her decide what she wants too. It's both of your marriage. She should have a say in it too.

If she decides she wants to stay with you--then you must decide whether you want the same and vice versa. If both of you or one of you want out, try to do it as painlessly as possible. (there will be pain though). Stringing people along is not the answer.

In the interim, cut off all contact with Tracy. It's f-cking with your head very badly.

You will get a lot more replies if you post your story in Coping with Infidelity.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

OP, my concern is not for your relationship with your old flame at all, your question was basically "is it fair to lie to my wife?" And everyone knows the answer including you. So stop watering this down with all the other jibberish.

If you think your old flame is so much more important to you (even after you parted ways the first time and chose to find love somewhere else, love strong enough that you married her) then divorce your W, tell her the truth, apologize for wasting all those years of her life and give her all that she needs to continue being the wonderful mother she is to your child and the wonderful woman who deserves a loyal caring man, sign over the marital property so she can continue to keep the home your children know, and be generous with your child support.  Apologize to your children that they will forever be from a broken family, they will suffer over this but will adapt and will continue to have good lives if they so choose.

Then you will have no reasons to hold you back in your love life, you will have the woman you always wanted and so if anything goes awry you can rest assured it is all on you. I think it would be wise to realize however that most of us reading your story understand that the only reason your old flame is so important is only because you choose to hold her that way, there is nothing magic at work and there are no guarantees that you will find everlasting happiness with her. In fact knowing her troubled background you are taking a huge gamble and are most likely going to lose, having forfeited what so many people are seeking in this world, in exchange for a brief but intense feeling for a woman who has her own flaws and probably a lot of baggage you really aren't aware of or equipped to deal with.

If you come to your senses and realize that choosing your old flame is probably not going to reward you with eternal happiness you may realize just how much pain your choices have already made to your W and family... there is no easy way out of this for you now, but either way it is not fair to your W to be strung along... tell her, if you reconsider and decide you want your marriage after all, and if after coming clean and having time to consider, your W decides to offer R you will be the luckiest man in the world, and also fyi you owe your old flame nothing - she knows your marital status, she knows she is only an option right now, she likely has been turning up the charm hoping to steal your heart from your W, trying to win you - when she claims her prize do not be surprised when all her baggage starts to show up on your doorstep.

Sorry you are here, honestly I don't think you have a winning move, but I do know where your only chance is. But it is your life to gamble so only you can make the right decision. Good luck.


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## Traggy (Jan 26, 2012)

Like Jelly said, you will never be able to make a rational decision with this OW in the picture. You will not see clearly because she is out shining your children and wife in your eyes. 

Until you can let her go, you will never give your family a fair shake. 

Not being mean here, just factual. You are being extremely selfish. You are cake eating. You are playing both sides of the fence. 

You can not have it both ways. Each side causes pain in yourself, but you brought this OW into your marriage. You married your wife as a second fiddle. You made choices that will forever haunt you because of this OW. Now, you are dealing with it. 

I really feel sorry for your wife and children. You have a very me, me, me, attitude. Look outside yourself a bit here. There is a bigger picture. If you were so in love with this woman back in the day when she moved you should of followed her, but you didn't. 

Seems a bit easier following her back then, than throwing your entire family away now doesn't it?

What stopped you then?? You did. What can stop you now? You again.


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## Coffee Amore (Dec 15, 2011)

twinkletoes - Your situation reminds me of a quote from Mr. Spock on Star Trek. "You may find that having is not so pleasing a thing as wanting. This is not logical, but it is often true."


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## twinkletoes (Mar 26, 2012)

Hi all, Can not reply now but will do as soon as I can and hope to clarify some of the points which are a bit off the mark. Thanks again for the 'advice' though, some of it pretty strong and I know I might need it but some of it is with what seems a smattering of anger. Have a good weekend everyone.


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## Traggy (Jan 26, 2012)

Sorry my man, infidelity makes people angry. If you are coming here seeking advice about how to chose another person over your family than I seriously think you are in the wrong place for that.

Truth Hurts


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## twinkletoes (Mar 26, 2012)

Hi. Ok, to try and clarify some things that some of you have said. I have had no contact with Tracy for a month or so now and i feel no different, that was and has twice before been put in place by her to give me 'space' to consider things so I know she is not trying to win my heart and in fact has always been the one to 'take a breath'. I never chose to leave Tracy years ago, her family and mine were posted to Germany with the British Army. Her father left the forces as I was waiting to join them but my parents still lived in Germany. We stayed in touch for a year or so and after I visited her at her new home lost contact which was to last 25 years or so, due to never seeing each other and my postings around the world and her career, then starting a family. I know that to some nothing should have stood in the way of true love before that but without going into things too deeply, I am more inclined to think less of myself than most and that I'm told leads to my doubts etc about anyone loving me i.e. Will she want me to get in touch or will I get in the way of things for her? Don't ask me to explain but its a confidence issue especially over someone who I believe is way above my grade. Anyway, as far as providing for my wife and my 'still at home child', I have thought about it and have mentioned it already. I can't sign the home over to my wife as she could never afford it on her wage, instead I plan to still pay the mortgage until paid or my wife takes a long term partner or remarries, I will leave her the £60,000 we have in the bank and will put money toward the house so that both her and I have equal money to live on again until either she earns more or takes a long term partner. Apart from that all I will take is the car (she doesnt drive) and anything that is purely mine i.e. watch, clothes etc. Anything that is for the house or both of us I will leave. I know it doesn't make up for what might happen but I can't leave them without the means to live, like I said I am not a monster, just struggling. I don't want my cake and eat it, I dont want to cause more pain or to deceive anymore when I appear not to be strong enough to stop it and I certainly dont want to string two women along. I know the failings are mine and no-one elses and that I have to deal with it. Believe me if I could have all the pain and be alone for the rest of my days to save everyone else from it, I would but I can't. This is not a selfish streak in me playing a cruel joke and repaying me for all I have done, it is a cruel joke of fate and weakness. If you knew me, I am not the man you all judge me to be, I know it but I hate myself for not being strong enough to prevent this. I'm sorry to rant but I asked for advice/help not judgment in this and it's beginning to feel like more of the latter than the former from some quarters. Anyway all this sidetracks the main issue, if I can't control what I have for Tracy should I be with my wife still hurting her without her knowing because this truth will out some day? The ladies out there, if you had forgiven your man before (twice) for contact with someone he had admitted love for, and unbeknown but suspected by you he felt he could not control his feelings, what would you expect of him if that was the case? Thank you.


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## twinkletoes (Mar 26, 2012)

Traggy, I am trying not to 'bite back', I know it does, it's a fact of life but one that understandably comes from people who may have never been in this position or have been stong enough to not get where I am in the first place. I still value the points under it all.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Your situation is not unique.

Just leave your wife and stop this nonsense. It's what you want to do, so just do it.


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## Traggy (Jan 26, 2012)

Let me ask you this. Where does the child fit in this all? Does the child stay with the mother? How far away does this other person live? Are you just going to up and leave the child's life to follow your heart? Just sounds like you are leaving everything behind and walking away. (I hope to god this isn't true)

I would leave your wife, she deserves a lot better than this. You know that. However, there is more at stake here with those children involved. There are questions you need to ask yourself. What is more important? The woman who gave you a family, or the woman you crave? The mother of your children, or the ghost from the past?

Your decisions here are going to negatively effect more than just your wife. It is going to ripple through your child's life as well. Is that worth all of this?


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

I highly suggest you seek individual counseling. This is so complicated. I don't know what the answer is.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Beowulf (Dec 7, 2011)

TT,

You do realize the statistics you face in a relationship with Tracy right? I believe they show a less than 2% chance that your relationship with Tracy will last beyond 5 years. Think about it, you both cheated on your spouses. If you get together how will you be able to trust one another? Others here say to follow your heart but the heart often gets us into a lot of trouble. That's why God gave us a brain as well. And just remember the brain is what controls the eyes. The old saying "look before you leap" jumps out at me right now.


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

You've already made up your mind, so what are you looking for, permission? No one is going to give it. You have to make the decision. Everyone else can see that you are using your wife and have no intention of doing the right thing--which is breaking of contact with the other woman and THEN, after that, making a decision. You need to promise yourself that you won't go back to OW b/c she has clouded your judgment. If, after breaking off with the other woman, you decide to be single, that's one thing. If you then realize the marriage is worth saving and working on, that's another.

Old flames--esp. first loves--are much more powerful than any other type, because they take us back to our youth and fill us with the emotions of that youth.

I'd say you had a bit of OCD if you obsessed about this OW for all this time. Not healthy. I wonder if your obsession won't come crashing down with her kicking you out one day and leave you miserable for what you did.

But, you are going to do what you want.


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## twinkletoes (Mar 26, 2012)

Sorry, been away. To reply without using dramatic words as some have, my daughter will stay with her mother, I wouldn't have it any other way. Not because it's an easy 'get out' but she is a better mother than I a father (I know!!!) their relationship is better than mine with her and I would never deny her that. Tracy lives about 250 miles from me at the moment so that is an issue. As far as the other comment go, I could make some cheap quips but in the case of %'s in these sorts of relationships, I don't know where that figure comes from but I wonder what they are for marriages where one is staying because it's the 'right thing to do' and can we put a figure on the unseen damage to both as in my case? I appreciate all the comments and points but I'm not sure if what I have now is any clearer than I had then. I thank diwali123 for the councelling point, I may have to think about that. In all honesty it all boils down to whether my wife would be happy with me knowing (or not) that I want another and I remain 'wanting' or I put an end to this and let her find someone she desrves. If I end up alone, that may be better than the pain I am causing or will cause. Some of you may think that's what I deserve and I understand that.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Twink - you left out your daughter and how this will affect her.

she will learn that commitments like vows are breakable.

she will learn that being selfish and getting what you want is more important than working hard and putting you passion into what you signed up for.

How would the Army view an man that defected after pledging his allegiance? This is no different. You made a vow to your wife, it didn't have an time limit. You made a commitment to your family when you brought a child into the world.

This isn't judgement - it's pointing out that you've frankly got your blinders on and you are creating rationalizations and justifications to help you feel better about what you know is a selfish and cowardly act on your part.


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## twinkletoes (Mar 26, 2012)

Shaggy, believe me none of this is making me feel any better, far from it. Maybe I am trying to rationalise this but in some ways I don't view it as cowardly or selfish because I am allowing my wife to live with a false love which is cruel and if by cowardly you mean not living up to my vows? I refer you to my 'selfish' reply, is it braver to let her live a life loved while I may remain alone. Believe me at the moment I would take it if it stopped everyone else being hurt, even unknowingly.


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

I think you will be making a mistake. It might take a few years, but you will see that your vision of your soul mate is only a vision. 

In a couple of years you will be dealing with the same things you deal with, with your wife. Bills, moods, money, annoying habits, etc. When things don't go well, you will think of your wife and how she would have handled things. You will think that maybe your wife was your soul mate.

Reality is you have no soul mate. No matter how great you are together, you will have issues once you are together for a while and dealing with life circumstances. 

At that point it becomes a choice. You either choose to love and commit to the one you are with, or you leave. Life is rarely better when you leave. Especially when you have no reason to leave other than thoughts of a 'soul mate'. 

On another note ... Not sure if this is possible in your circumstance, but .... I think it might do you good to talk to your soul mates ex. You have heard her side of the story in regards to what their relationship was like. I would be very surprised to hear that she doesn't have a few issues of her own. It is very common for someone who cheats on their spouse, to paint them as not being very nice.


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## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

SadSamIAm said:


> ......
> 
> In a couple of years you will be dealing with the same things you deal with, with your wife. Bills, moods, money, annoying habits, etc. When things don't go well, you will think of your wife and how she would have handled things. You will think that maybe your wife was your soul mate.
> 
> Reality is you have no soul mate. No matter how great you are together, you will have issues once you are together for a while and dealing with life circumstances.....


:iagree::iagree::iagree:


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