# Ever asked for advice on other forums?



## Confused_and_bitter (Aug 6, 2011)

As I was reading a couple of posts here today I remembered when I first suspected something was up with the H. I'm a member of another forum and at the time had no idea about what an EA was, I had posted the concerns I had with H and OW. Little did I know I was going to get attacked by the other members of that forum.

The answers ranged from - "you are being abusive by not letting him have this friendship with OW you are trapping him he will get tired of you and your jealousy and leave" to "oh honey he doesn't want you to have male friends because he obviously knows you are too sexy to share so he wants you all to himself and he must trust himself around OW that's why he doesn't feel the need to tell you about her"

I remember thinking to myself "Wow, Really?" the woman who accused me of being an abuser had pointed out that it's ok for my H to have secret friendships with OW then proceeded to tell me that I would be "raping" him of his opportunity to understand me better by secretly going out with OW if I told him how uncomfortable I was by his friendship. Luckily, I googled my issue and came upon this wonderful forum. So I was just wondering if anyone else had any similar experiences. Looking back I laugh at the answers given to me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## charlene (Jul 21, 2011)

Yeah looking for help online can be tricky . No, i have no other experience,but this site. When i typed""Silent treatment"" it led me to this forum. Although my first thread here was full of post ,who told me i was controlling him etc. frankly i try to look at it this way...


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## mssherlock22 (Oct 27, 2011)

Yes, I posted on WebMD discussion & a guy mocked me for being shocked & hurt when I found out my husband of 39 yrs had been e-mailing, phoning, FB, & secretly going to lunch with a woman he works with in a seasonal job. The lunches weren't job-related but he was contacting her to go to lunch when they weren't working & visaversa(sp?). 
At the time, I thought "I am so hurt, I don't need any more put-downs & maybe I am the one wrong-maybe I 'm just too old-fashioned." However, I happened to notice this person posting on lots of other questions & realized that my view of life & his were so opposite as to be from another planet.
This helped to keep his answer in perspcective.
Hope this helps..


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

The people who really understand about these issues have gravitated to this site. It is by far and away the best place to address marital concerns.


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## Chris H. (Jan 27, 2007)

That's because we ban the pranksters pretty quick around here


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

Chris H. said:


> That's because we ban the pranksters pretty quick around here


:iagree:

Thanks for your dedication to making this place work!


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

I also think there is a very vocal group of inexperienced kids that post on a lot of other boards. They haven't any real life experience, but they've had it drilled into their heads that things like fidelity, truth, etc are naive and stupid.

they've also had it drilled into them that you should be passive in relationships - "either the person will be with you, or they won't, you can't do anything about it" which is bunk. You do have a say and you can make or break things with your choices.

i'm glad that bunch isn't her.


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## Mrs. T (Aug 5, 2011)

Chris H. said:


> That's because we ban the pranksters pretty quick around here


That's the great thing about this site...you may get some tough love answers but no one seems to be judgemental and everyone is trying to help. :smthumbup:


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

Lon said:


> The people who really understand about these issues have gravitated to this site. It is by far and away the best place to address marital concerns.


I agree 100%. I don't believe I ever asked for advice on another forum. When I was looking for advice, I noticed that most forums were either expert oriented or made of people who only wanted to get as crude as possible, and the forums were full of "penis-straight-length" threads and things of that nature.

I wanted a place where real, everyday, people visited that could talk about sex and relationships in a realistic, friendly manner. I found that here. Talking about sexual issues isn't exactly a "Mr. Rogers Neighborhood" topic regardless of who is commenting, and I think straight-forward language is needed, but most forums are ridiculous. 

Also, most forums, regardless of the topic, are full of know-it-alls who make fun of every question that is asked and try to make the poster feel low. I visit a bodybuilding forum on occasion, and usually when someone asks a question, there are always those hard-core intellectuals who dissect it and use the thread trying to explain how idiotic the question or comment is. That doesn't happen here. 

Don't get me wrong, I don't want people agreeing with everything just to be friendly. If I need to be told I'm wrong, that is fine, but people do it here in a helpful manner.

This is a great forum!


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

That's why you gotta be smart and listen to yourself as well. Smell the BS before they even say it. LOL


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

When we post our personal issues on a forum, we certainly run the risk of reading abusive or goading words. I love the way TAM moderators ban those who are not helpful that only seek to hurt others.

I left another forum, because the members were horribly snarky. There was a mob mentality that disgusted me, along with the rude comments.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Props to the Mods!

This is the only marriage/advice forum I've visited. It came up first in my search, I sat and read through a few posts in the Sex in Marriage and it had a good balance of views. I didn't even think to look anywhere else. There are other forums out there that exist?


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

I do post at another forum which although I like TAM a lot better, the other one is pretty good too, with lots of good people there in the same ugly boat. Very nice support from there as well.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

I posted on two different forums for quite awhile before I found TAM. I was lambasted as "selfish" for leaving an abusive, self-centered, and (eventually) unemployed alcoholic. I was told it was "all about me" or my posts were simply ignored, even when I was crying out for help. 

Reading posts on this forum has taught me a great deal about the dynamics and common problems that occur in marriage. I think the moderators are excellent; they don't take tight control of posts, but they know when to chime in and get things in hand.

JMO, but I've learned a lot here.


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## square1 (Oct 31, 2011)

I went to one other forum when i was trying to figure out if my husband had a porn addiction and what porn addiction does to a marriage. Most of the responses just told me "hey he's a guy he's gunna look at porn and jerk it so deal with it as long as he ain't effing anyone else you should be happy" 

Reading a lot of the posts here makes me realize I'm not the only one going through it and im not crazy for thinking there was a problem.


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

With those responses i am happy that i found TAM first.


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## Halien (Feb 20, 2011)

I posted one reply to a post on another forum before finding this one. The post was from a guy who had been in a relationship without sex for many years. Every other reply said that it either worked out or it didn't in the sex arena. I replied about intimacy, and how it has built a great sex life for 24 years. One poster said that it was the most moronic reply he had ever read. Others agreed. Funny, actually meeting the needs that the OP indicated that his wife had asked for was considered moronic.


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

Sorry. I'm not a lady but marriagebuilders.com is the site created by the author of His Needs,Her Needs and is highly informative and helpful, also.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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