# What should I do?



## icmn_icwmn (Sep 24, 2008)

I moved to Iowa last year, to be with my fiance at the time. I moved to Iowa in March, from NC. I have two children from my previous bf and they are 4 and 3 now. I left the kids in NC to be with their father, his family and my family. Well now my marriage is on the rocks. I want to move back to NC to be with my kids and my husband doesn't want to move. We dont have anything together, except for a baby who is almost 10 months. I don't want to take this child away from his father but I am sick and tired of Iowa and his crap that goes with it. Any advice?


----------



## Chopblock (Mar 21, 2008)

A child is hardly "nothing in common".

How does the father feel? Would he be opposed to sharing custody? Otherwise, you may just have to tell him you are leaving "for a while" and then get out the door and evaluate things once you are gone.


----------



## Honey (Sep 2, 2008)

Me, personally, would have to be with my kids. I would go nuts if they were in one State and I am in another.


----------



## icmn_icwmn (Sep 24, 2008)

I am going crazy and I hate it here. Travis doesn't want our son to go anywhere


----------



## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

There really isn't much information given on your relationship. What exactly seems to be the reasons behind you hating Iowa and wanting to "run" from your current relationship? It doesn't appear you have been married long. Children really need to have a stable family life. Is there any hope for you and your husband reconciling? Perhaps some compromises can be made. Could you all move back to NC and work on building a new life together. You really need to be a part of your older children's lives as well.


----------



## happilymarried67 (May 7, 2008)

Let me be a little hard on your here. Maybe it could be a wake up call. I know a mom just like you. I don't think the father of your third child should move if he doesn't want to. You need to think about your children first. You put your children second when you left your children with their father in NC. I find that to be an excuse that your family and his family are there and what a perfect world it will be for your two older kids. You didn't need to be in their life they are taken care of. You were selfish and put your own needs first. Excuses, with I don't know what to do. You are having kids all over the country and you put your needs first with this second guy and had a child with him too. Now, it is not a good relationship there either. I think you need to get your head on straight. Figure out how you are going to be a mother to 3 kids in different areas of the country and how you are going to support those children. If your second husband is a good father I would leave his son with him. You need to figure yourself out. Stop having kids and start being a mom. Stop being so selfish. You don't even seem like you have a heart for your children. My husband doesn't want to move back to NC . Why should he, its your family not his. If you want to know what I think. I am a full time step mom of two boys for 9 years now. I have no respect for a mom who puts her needs over that of her childrens. I have seen it for a very, very, long time. My sons, mom put her boyfriend and her partying first. All I hear is this is about you and your life. You state, I am going crazy, I hate it here--me, me, me, I, I, I. Please start thinking about them. It is hard but you are going to have to figure something out that takes care of all of them. Good luck, please think of your little ones and how you can be a better mom, to all of them. (Don't end up like the deadbeat mom that we have in our situation.)


----------



## snix11 (Sep 25, 2008)

I'd never leave my kids, but that's just me. 

Screw Travis, move back home or learn to love Travis again and be happy. Pick one.


----------



## freeshias4me (Dec 4, 2007)

I agree VERY MUCH with happily married67.

EXCEPT, that I couldn't leave my newest child either! (She said: "If your second husband is a good father I would leave his son with him.)
I personally would be trying my best to keep all my kids together in one city/home.


----------



## GAsoccerman (Mar 24, 2008)

where you born and raised in NC? is Iowa the only place you have gone to live besides NC?

You could be "home sick" including "family sick" 

Is your hubby from Iowa? Does he ahve any connections there besides a job? Is he originally from NC?

You guys have to make some tough choices, I could never leave my kids.

I am from NJ, my work gave me a choice to Move to GA and keep my job, or get a new Job in NJ, IE laid off. Now, I was perfectly fine with being "laid off" even though it would kill us financially, But I told my wife the proposal, and She suggested I take the job in Georgia and we move to GA as a family. 

It was suggested I come here and see if I like it for 6 months, and I vetoed that option, I did not want to be apart from my wife or children, I even hate to go on business trips.

So we moved down here, my wife's work transferred her here, no problem as well, turned out to be a good move for us. The only thing we do not ahve is an extended family down here.

We go visit or family ever summer, but we alos fly family down here during the year. We offer "babysit our kids for a weekend" deals to our family, we pay for the Airfare if they come down for a visit to us, it works out, our kids see family and we have some fun.

you have a hard choice...So does your husband. Will he be willing to move back to NC?


----------



## happilymarried67 (May 7, 2008)

freeshias4me said:


> I agree VERY MUCH with happily married67.
> 
> EXCEPT, that I couldn't leave my newest child either! (She said: "If your second husband is a good father I would leave his son with him.)
> I personally would be trying my best to keep all my kids together in one city/home.


freeshias4me-You are a good mom and wouldn't have left your first two kids in NC to begin with, just to be with a guy. I would agree with you,(I wouldn't be in the situation where I left my kids with my parents and their father to begin with) except I feel that she wasn't thinking about her children in NC when she left with her fiance/husband and I don't think she is really thinking about her 10 month old either. Unless there is some horrible reason that she is leaving her husband that makes him an unfit dad. I think, (having lived through it myself with my husband's ex) her children will be better off with someone that loves them and will take care of them. If she does take the infant back to NC, I am waiting for the moment that she leaves him with her parents because he is in good hands. I think she has some serious issues to contend with. What mom leaves her kids for a guy? Saying they are safe with her parents and their father. Her parents already have been parents, they are supposed to be grandparents. She is not thinking about her kids she is thinking about herself. Why uproot everyone else's life just because she is homesick. I think she needs to grow up and learn that if she can have kids, she needs to care for those kids. What do you think her older kids are going to think later on in life when they say why did mommy stay in Iowa, or think if she moves back to NC and the 10month old grows up thinking that mommy loved the other kids more than she loved me. She should have thought about that before she had yet another child with yet another unstable relationship. Can you tell what I think about a deadbeat mom? 

I still think she needs to get her act together before she can be a mom to any of her kids.


----------



## freeshias4me (Dec 4, 2007)

That's what I was worried about... that if she doesn't have all the kids together, either the older or the younger ones would grow up thinking she prefered the other child(ren).

"I still think she needs to get her act together before she can be a mom to any of her kids."....
I agree!


----------

