# Still Angry....but been thinking alot!



## Lovingwife315 (Dec 10, 2012)

As I wrote in a previous thread, it hit me the other day, just how much him moving out is costing me and my kids financially. How much I have to cut back on, how vacations are going to be possible....all because he is renting his own place!

Seriously messed up because our relationship is great now, and honestly if I wanted to agree to "date" him and co parent with him, he would be fine with it. He has suggested sleepovers at each others places, weekly, dinner and family nights with the kids.....(and I have to admit, I have complied with some of these) But Then it all comes down to, no commitment, and retreating to our own homes for personal space. I haven't totally hated not having him living at home. At times it is very peaceful with him not there.....

but there are so many things that have been coming up that I am not used to dealing with on my own. 2 or our 3 kids are struggling in school. direct tv just got turned off....(past due) money issues are mounting......

I know my thoughts are all over the place.....just got so much on my mind.

Part of me wants to say to him "This is so unfair, the position you have put me and our family in, just so you could be on your own" "All those years we worked so hard to make the money we do now and be able to do the things we want with the kids, is not possible anymore" 

And I am angry, and hurt.....


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## Lovingwife315 (Dec 10, 2012)

Anyone Have ANYTHING to say????? Even if it is "suck it up and get over this" 

I know my life will never be the same again.....still so angry that his selfishness has caused us such financial hardship....7200.00 a year just so he can rent a place! that is 2 or 3 family vacations!!!!

Sorry for the rant!


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## ImperfectMomma (May 2, 2012)

I completely understand your stress. My situation is not the same as yours but just thinking about financial matters after we get divorced is stressful. I don't really have any advice except to cut out all extras (like cutting off DirectTV before it gets shut off) that are wants, not needs. I hope it gets better.


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## doureallycare2 (Dec 10, 2012)

I hate to say anything when it’s your life and my input may be prejudiced based on my own experiences. But sense you are asking and not getting any responses here it goes. My Husband had a serious EA that turned into a PA in 1996 (the year my oldest son graduated). They had supposedly broke it off but struggled. Eventually we separated, my H still claimed he loved me and wanted his family also so he took a job 3 hours away to get away from the OW. He would come home on weekends. I found out that he would leave a day ahead of when he told me and spend the night with her. I eventually cut off all contact w/him except for visitation for my youngest son. About a year later he did convince me that he had severed all contact with her, he showed me an angry letter she wrote to him in response to his ending it. I would go to his apt and spend the weekend with him. Eventually he found a job back in our area and moved back into the family home. 7 years later her husband died and I found out he was trying to get her back. She did not want him as a lover just a friend but he was not willing to take no as an answer from her so we split again. Went to MC, and eventually got back together again. 8 years latter now and I found out he is having an affair with a different OW. My opinion is…… It will not work if your H is not willing to commit 100% to you. He is acting like a single man right now and you are letting him. Just like I did w/mine when he lived out of town and I was going weekends. He is not respecting you as his wife nor as the mother of his children. He needs to see you move on with your life and miss you. I told my H that I did not show him how a H should treat a wife with love and respect and I should have shown it and demanded it. We are our own worst enemy sometimes.


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## AshS (Jan 11, 2013)

"Lovingwife"...I'm sorry you are financially stressed, I understand what you're going through. Currently my stbxh has to pay our household bills but I'm already planning on what corners I'm going to need to cut once our D is finalized. Like "Imperfect" mentioned for me the extras such as cable will be the first to go. It breaks my heart thinking about family vacations for 1 thing possibly not being able to afford them & even bigger than that not being able to go on a family vacation because we are no longer a family.

"Doureallycare" it's posts like yours that make me stronger & validate that I made the right decision for me & my children. My stbxh had an A & I decided to go the D route rather than try to R since his apology & asking to stay married was not fully heartfelt. I was just having a moment of weakness thinking "maybe I should have excepted his apology & tried to work things out." Thank you for sharing your story. I was meant to find your post today so that I could see if it wasn't this OW it would be a future one.

Best of luck ladies!


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## BFGuru (Jan 28, 2013)

We haven't been able to afford vacations for years. He has a place to live and I can't afford to live here and can't afford the security deposit to find a place. I am accepting cable is gone. Internet however, I'm petrified of losing. I need it for the kids and my schooling. 

I don't have any magic answers, but I can be angry with you.


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## doureallycare2 (Dec 10, 2012)

It makes me absolutely furious that good people have to hurt…… That fathers or mothers make these deliberate choices to cheat that negatively affect their children for years to come. I ask over and over again why? Why can’t you be honest, why do you have to be so selfish? If they truly were unhappy why wasn’t it discussed and dealt with before an A. Is there life really so much better now? Most of us know it’s not… so what does it come down to than…? Just the fact that we were married to people that had a desire or impulse or addiction and they acted on it, without care of who they were going to hurt to fill that desire. If the betrayal doesn’t wound you fatally than the change in your family dynamics, financially, socially, spiritually and mentally probably will at some point. If you list your losses (companion, snow blower, plumber, mechanic, bed warmer, lover, garbage man, accountant, spider killer, etc.…) you would be staggered at what you have lost. And then when you say to the stbxh that you are struggling, they say well you can cut the cable, that’s an un-needed expense… Excuse me does your girl-friend’s house have cable? I bet it does… maybe the only thing that brings me comfort at night alone is watching one of my favorite shows….. Thank you so much for your compassion! My heart break for each and every one of you! I’m so sorry you’re going through this and I wish you the best of luck….


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## NinaB (Feb 6, 2013)

It is unfair and it does suck and you have a right to your feelings and emotions! It does not resolve anything but at least you can air it in here and maybe get a little nurturing validation for your efforts.

There are a lot of us out here who are stuck holding the bag and we feel your pain, exhaustion and stress as well! <3


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