# is it ok?



## Lumpy (Jan 6, 2010)

is it really ok to talk to the opposite sex about relationship problems? for example my bf of 2 years talks to his friend who is a girl, that does not know me. she lives in a different town and they haven’t seen each other in a few years but he will go and chat to her, call her but hasn’t talked to her over the phone he says. she has a bf and they talk about our relationship and the one she has with her bf, i know that they almost dated in high school. what do i do? im a girl and i know that in the past i have talked to guys out of the relationship and it never ended up well.


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## 63Vino (Dec 23, 2009)

Hi Lumpy,
I hope you and the man/boy whatever can figure out a way to talk together. BUT I am a huge believer in needing that female perspective. It was invaluable many times in life to help me realize I was being a caveman. Don't know if its the same for girls but my BF who is a girl has helped me and my relationship quite a bit and I like to belive I have been useful to her too, much like posting something here on a forum. 
There is risk everywhere. My ex strongly believed that this is evil and should NEVER be while at the same time the friends she felt threatened by were helping me see her points of view. Wow thats long winded for .."I think its ok". If it goes romantic, thats obviously different. WIth people that are old friends, they have probably already been there and decided romance was not for them.

If it didnt end up well im guess they alway thought it more then friends. These types of friendships are not easy to come by, but if they exist they are invaluable.


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

I would not be comfortable with my H talking to another girl about our problems. I guess that could be wrong, but its so much simpler to just go with what you feel instead of second guessing yourself all the time. If you second guess yourself, you're still going to feel this way, but you'll add a whole slew of other problems on top of it. to me, its just simpler to go with what i feel and stick to it.


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## QuitaBee (Aug 11, 2009)

Alot of emotional affairs start this way, but that doesn't mean him and his friend are headed that way. They may just be friends.


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

The real problem is, the H and W are not talking to each other, and that is what should REALLy be happening.


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## Atholk (Jul 25, 2009)

Well speaking as a guy.... I just never have any extra time for a woman that I have no sexual interest in. She may felt 100% platonic about him, but the guy always has sexual interest.

That doesn't mean anything is going to happen, but it might.


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## 63Vino (Dec 23, 2009)

sisters359 said:


> The real problem is, the H and W are not talking to each other, and that is what should REALLy be happening.


so true


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## Lumpy (Jan 6, 2010)

the only male i would talk to about my problems is my bf, because you never know what the other guys intentions are. he never talks about her like he would with another friend, he never brings her up unless i ask and when i do ask he gets all upset with me. What do you think their intentions are? i also beleve in Atholk, guys always have sexual interest in girls that want to talk about all their problems.


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## angelj (Jul 1, 2008)

I agree with Quitabee. Sometimes rushing off and talking to someone of the opposite sex about personal problems is a call for attention rather then a call for help. Take it from someone who's been in an emotional affair and who has a wife who also had an emotional affair, I'd keep a close eye on them. Once the emotions are strong they take control and make you lose all sense of what's wrong or right. Good luck to you both.

AJ-


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