# What to do with OM.



## Kasler (Jul 20, 2012)

For those that don't know, short story is my ex fiance had a LTA for about 2 years with same OM. I found out through reading emails and emails of depressing amounts of vulgarity and many mocking me between her, OM, and her b!tch friends. 

After a span of false R and some support from family, I kicked her out and washed my hands clean of her. Currently living with my GF and have a child 2 1/2 years old. 

Theres more, but this thread is about OM. OM was some overly muscled douchbag who she met who the hell knows where. Post DDay I waited for him outside a spot I knew he'd be and gave him the beating of his life. Despite all his muscles, he did not know how to fight so within one minute hes on the ground holding his hands above his head while I use one arm to hold them away and pummel him with the other. 

Luckily, I was not arrested, nor forced to pay OM's medical bills due to coincidence or god. 

I have only seen OM one other time since that day, until 2 days ago. 

Like most people going through infidelity, exercise is a suggested method of letting of steam and getting in shape. I've been excercising at the same gym for about 5 years now 3-5 days a week, I'm a regular. 

This Monday I go and I see OM wiping off some dead lift bars. I walk up and ask him what the hell hes doing here. He tries to cop tough like I didn't beat the sh!t out of him 5 years ago(Nearly made me smack him then and there) and said hes a personal trainer and I should mind my own business. I tell him to do a variety of highly impossible things to himself and since I started triggering a bit on the spot, I left before finishing my workout so I wouldn't do anything I'd regret. 

He is in better shape than I last saw him outside a restaraunt, but I toned up these past years and have no doubt I could manhandle him again, but I don't want to. 

The thing is, I could probably get him to lose his job. If you've been a gym a while you know personal trainers stick around more for how well they get along with the people who workout than what they actually know about training. Over the years I've seen more than a few overly angry, sullen, and awkward PTs, and they are usually gone within a month or two and replaced by the male model or chipper blond type. 

I know a lot of people there and the owner is my friend. Most there also know about the infidelity I suffered and worked out with me and we got to know each other. I let slip hes OM or raise a stink about it I could probably get him let go. 

I know his job and fionancial situation by the way too. My dumb ass ex racked him up some nice debt while they were screwing around behind my back. Partying, leasing cars, crap like that. Also heard from a friend he lost his job at the factory he worked at.

The thing is should I? I don't owe OM a damn thing I know that, but I'm uneasy about messing with another man's livelihood. I don't care about the SoB, but I wouldn't want a person on the streets due to my personal malice. While I wouldn't lose any sleep over it it'd probably bother me. But then I think of the stories I've read by people like dig about getting back at OM and feel more partial to it. And then I think that if I don't, I'd be seeing the loser on a weekly basis and get a bit angry. But then the first thought comes back and I can't make a decision. I could probably use equipment on the west floor and not see his ass, but fk him why should I change my workout routine because of him. 

Any ideas? and does getting him the boot mean I haven't moved on?


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## BrockLanders (Jul 23, 2012)

You already kicked his ass. He's not worth thinking about.


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## BjornFree (Aug 16, 2012)

Him getting the boot does not mean that you haven't moved on. You said it yourself you owe the SOB nothing. I have but one rule, if you fvck with me I will fvck you up and I won't do it the honorable way. I'll fight dirty and I'll kick you when you're down. 

Its better if you don't interact with him on a regular basis and if that means getting his sorry ass fired, do it.


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## russell28 (Apr 17, 2013)

Kasler said:


> For those that don't know, short story is my ex fiance had a LTA for about 2 years with same OM. I found out through reading emails and emails of depressing amounts of vulgarity and many mocking me between her, OM, and her b!tch friends.
> 
> After a span of false R and some support from family, I kicked her out and washed my hands clean of her. Currently living with my GF and have a child 2 1/2 years old.
> 
> ...


If he gets fired because you're honest about his presence making you uncomfortable.. it's not because of anything you did.. it's because of stuff he's done in his life to make people not like him. Karma.. it's a b-itch.


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## bryanp (Aug 25, 2011)

I think losing a job is worse. These are the consequences to his actions.


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## SomedayDig (Jul 17, 2012)

Triggers come in all ways, you know this. Seeing this dude and reacting as you did does NOT mean you haven't moved on. It simply means there is unresolved anger there which is absolutely understandable.

To the nitty gritty - Yep...I would have no issue with going to the owner of the gym and letting him know what kind of POS they got working there. Let em know the whole story of the guy they unknowingly hired.

Will it work? 50/50. However, if you have been going there for 5 years, I would take it that you are well known to everyone and your word will have clout. 

You're right, you don't need to change your life or exercise routine for him. You owe him nothing.


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## BK23 (Apr 17, 2013)

Do it. This piece of trash got less than he deserved when you beat him. He should keep paying. It would be one thing if he was contrite when you approached him... Fvck that.


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## KanDo (Jun 15, 2011)

I would drop a dime on my friend the owner and let him know the story and let him know you will tell EVERYONE you come in contact with at the gym about this guy. Let the owner decide what he wants to do.


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## Blue Firefly (Mar 6, 2013)

I wouldn't have said anything to him. You kicked his ass--you know it; he knows it; nothing more to gain here.

I would go to the gym management and *demand a full refund* on your membership. If they ask why, explain it bluntly: one of your trainers had an affair with your wife and it resulted in your divorce. 

They will either refund your money or fire him.


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## BURNT KEP (Oct 3, 2012)

russell28 said:


> If he gets fired because you're honest about his presence making you uncomfortable.. it's not because of anything you did.. it's because of stuff he's done in his life to make people not like him. Karma.. it's a b-itch.


:iagree:

If it makes you uncomfortable then you need to take care of business.


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## Cdelta02 (Sep 20, 2012)

Yes you should. Its not that he was OM. Its because he is a service provider and you are a customer and he makes you uncomfortable. You have no obligation to make his life easier. You should let the owner know and let him decide what he wants to do. If he doesnt kick OM out, you should find another gym. There is no need for mentally torturing yourself over this any further.


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## workindad (May 7, 2011)

Honestly I would not waste much time and energy on the dirt bag. You already took care of business and have new priorities in your life now who deserve your effort and energy invested positively in them. 

I would drop the dime on him to the boss where you are. Let those chips fall where they may. That is as far as I would take it. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Are there any women using the gym? If so, will he hit on any of them, especially the married ones or those in LTRs?


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## movin on (Jan 24, 2012)

If you want to out him to his boss.. Go for it. You don't owe him a damn thing.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

First off, I'm the spouse that cheated, never been cheated upon. And I'd say that if it was my ex's OM in "my" gym, I'd probably drop the dime on him and get his ass fired out of there. There's no reason why you should have to see his face in your life. Bad enough you'd see him randomly around town. You deserve the "safe" haven. Regardless of whether you're over your ex's affair or not.

C


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## Malpheous (May 3, 2013)

Ok. I see a 2 year LTA. It all ended about 5 years ago. You have a new GF with a 2.5 yr old child.

Yes?

If I'm tracking on those points then you don't tell anyone sh!t. Hear me!?! Drop the tough-guy sh!t and get some therapy and GET OVER IT!

Rude? Yep. But let's break it down. You had a fiance. You lost her. He was involved in that. It's been 5 years already and you're starting a new life. You have a child now. You have to get past your past buddy. Let go of it. Nobody owes you anything on that anymore. Past the point of collections. If it was a bill the small claims court would tell you to pound sand. Statute of limitations and all that.


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## stevehowefan (Apr 3, 2013)

I support this thread! Whooped his ass! Love it! With that being said, I'd just be honest with the people at the gym. You're a customer there, and anything done to drive you away would be bad. Let'er rip! And if he acts all tough (again), crow-hop his injecting, muscle-bound ass (again).


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## BK23 (Apr 17, 2013)

Malpheous said:


> Ok. I see a 2 year LTA. It all ended about 5 years ago. You have a new GF with a 2.5 yr old child.
> 
> Yes?
> 
> ...


Don't listen to this guy. Yeah, statute of limitations on a past due bill might be 5 years, but the statute of limitations on being a fvking piece of sh!t that ruins lives is life, in my opinion.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

PBear said:


> First off, I'm the spouse that cheated, never been cheated upon. And I'd say that if it was my ex's OM in "my" gym, I'd probably drop the dime on him and get his ass fired out of there. There's no reason why you should have to see his face in your life. Bad enough you'd see him randomly around town. You deserve the "safe" haven. Regardless of whether you're over your ex's affair or not.
> 
> C


PBear, you make a really good point!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## DavidWYoung (Feb 3, 2012)

I say NO! Your girlfriend stabbed you in the back, not this guy. You already beat him once, what would be the point of having him fired? You were LUCKY that you did not go to jail or to marry that POS girlfriend. If anything you should thank him for showing you what a POS she was. Just my 2 cents. David


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## Kasler (Jul 20, 2012)

Yeah I think I'm gonna tell the gym owner when I go in for a run later. I Can't have this mofo in my gym every week, his job be damned. 

I deleted all the emails, but this ass hole was in many of em. Talking **** about me and this punk never even met me. He knew she was engaged, he just got a kick out of banging a woman who was to be another man's wife.

Fk him, hes gotta go for sure.


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## Hortensia (Feb 1, 2013)

Wow.You guys really need some light in your hearts. What's the use to hold onto that hatred ? 
The OM got his ass beat - rightfully. You weren't even married to your ex. You are now in another committed relationship and have a child. Your life should be full of joy and positiveness. Is not, or you would not still hold on to this ugly feelings. You should simply not care anymore. I wonder how would your new fiancee feel about you still being bothered about your ex's OM. It says a lot.
I couldn't care less about my ex's OW. I'm now happy and it can't bother me anymore. As I said, you people need to clean up your hearts. Don't let someone else's actions ( cheating ) make you ugly inside. 
As for karma, don't forget it always come around. You get him fired, you may get kicked out of your job too...just my thoughts.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Hortensia said:


> Wow.You guys really need some light in your hearts. What's the use to hold onto that hatred ?
> The OM got his ass beat - rightfully. You weren't even married to your ex. You are now in another committed relationship and have a child. Your life should be full of joy and positiveness. Is not, or you would not still hold on to this ugly feelings. You should simply not care anymore. I wonder how would your new fiancee feel about you still being bothered about your ex's OM. It says a lot.
> I couldn't care less about my ex's OW. I'm now happy and it can't bother me anymore. As I said, you people need to clean up your hearts. Don't let someone else's actions ( cheating ) make you ugly inside.
> As for karma, don't forget it always come around. You get him fired, you may get kicked out of your job too...just my thoughts.


So he shares the air with this POS or runs away from HIS gym to escape the POS? Where's the sense in that?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## theroad (Feb 20, 2012)

MattMatt said:


> So he shares the air with this POS or runs away from HIS gym to escape the POS? Where's the sense in that?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Time to move past.

He upgraded in the woman dept, and now is a dad.

He got to beat up the OM. Then got away with beating up the OM. A two fer.

No BH can keep beating up the OM. He choose his method of revenge and got it.

Time to let it go. Do not confuse letting go with not forgetting. Never has to forget.

At this point all that should be done is to give the owner a heads up to the character of one of his employees so he is warned before the OM causes any problems for the gym.

There is no point to threaten the gym owner with either he goes or I go. You need NC. You then stop going to where the OM is.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Ok, I know everyone here is insisting that this doesn't mean you haven't moved on, but if I was your gf and found out that you were still this angry at your ex fiance's om that's exactly what I'd think, and I'd seriously reconsider our relationship. My ex hb was a dbag too but it's been 7 years since our divorce and I'm remarried, I don't care one way or another if he's in the same room. He deserved the beating you gave him, but you have a new woman and child now.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## love=pain (Nov 26, 2012)

A person lives with the choices they make, it defines who they are, they suffer or rejoice with what they have done. 
So it cuts both ways does he deserve to suffer for breaking up a relationship, yep a good beating every day for every time he was with her sounds close to right, but your choice to allow him the power to disturb your life after all these years says a lot about you as well.
I am no better I really don't think I would be able to leave it alone, and his attitude didn't help, if he was apologetic and did his best to keep a low profile when I was around then maybe but not with his attitude.
Then again just wait it out a little, he already knows what you did to him and that you are a long time member there so if he isn't thinking about leaving he must wonder if you will get him fired.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Why did he pick this gym?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## beautiful_day (Mar 28, 2013)

I hear hesitation in your initial post about taking away another man's livelihood, and my initial reaction was about how you would feel afterwards when you look in the mirror. That's the most important thing.

But while reading the other posts I thought "How would I feel if Rodent Girl dared step foot on my turf?". Er yeah .. I'd get her arse fired.


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## SomedayDig (Jul 17, 2012)

If Kasler is, as he was...living his life and everything was great, do some of ya's think that he would just out of the blue want to jam this guy up?

No. THAT would be not letting it go.

However, that is not the case. His place of solitude...the place where he works out was just soiled by the scumbag POS that screwed his previous life up.

You think it's better that he alter HIS life now, because this idiot shows up in it.

I think not.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

Kasler said:


> For those that don't know, short story is my ex fiance had a LTA for about 2 years with same OM. I found out through reading emails and emails of depressing amounts of vulgarity and many mocking me between her, OM, and her b!tch friends.
> 
> After a span of false R and some support from family, I kicked her out and washed my hands clean of her. Currently living with my GF and have a child 2 1/2 years old.
> 
> ...


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## dubsey (Feb 21, 2013)

If I owned the gym, I'd want to know a PT in there was willing to go after married/taken women. It will be a short bit of time before he's having to deal with an angry husband/bf.

I'd prefer not to employ that type of person.


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## MovingAhead (Dec 27, 2012)

Kasler,

Sorry about the trigger. This is definitely a trigger for you. I would tell the owner this:

Your ex fiance was having an affair. The OM was this personal trainer. You are over the infidelity; however, seeing the OM brings back a lot of emotional scars that will never fully heal. Tell him you love the gym but you cannot work out here any longer if you are going to see him around because it just makes you angry and you want to get on with your life. Tell him you like the gym but you cannot continue to go there anymore if the OM is going to be around.

Brother I know you are angry. I can imagine who much anger I would get. I know you want to move on with your life.

As to Hortensia's point, it is hard to move on with your life when you have to deal with this crap. Neither you nor your girlfriend need this in your life. So tell the gym owner the story and let him make the decision as to what to do. Most people want to really do the right thing, but the owner has to decide what is right for his business. I know you like that gym but it may be better if you found a new one if it comes down to it. Good luck brother.

I try to avoid things I know triggers my anger, but I cannot all the time. This is a case where it's put in your face. That blows. Sorry for that. Owner will probably understand and will do what he feels is best. It may not be what you like but he does have a business so please remember that and I hope things work out for you.


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## Kasler (Jul 20, 2012)

Update. 

So I did tell the owner that his new PT is my OM. Oddly enough he steered the conversation towards it when he asked why I left more than an hour early when I never do. He was pretty shocked at that, and thanked me for not fighting him or causing a big mess on the ground floor. He says hes gonna think about it, and asked me not to tell anyone for a few days. I think hes worried since more than a few wives go there, and if their husbands found out there'd definitely be problems. 

I'll respect his request and not talk about it for a while so out of my hands now. 

I'm still a bit undecided since when I dwell on it I get a bit angry, but then when I'm not its just all mixed up and hard to figure out. 

I also told my GF about it and she told me I should handle it the way I feel is best, but doesn't want OM their personally since that would probably annoy me and might remind her of my ex fiance on the few days she goes in. 

My GF had a real problem with the ex's craziness. She was stalking us a for a while and when that didn't work she attempted suicide and not the fake notice me kind. She probably would've died if her father didn't have chronic diarrhea and stumble in the bathroom while just in time. 

I think it's a good thing. While the gym was at first just my reprieve from my triggers and the infidelity it became a safe haven for everything else too. 

Seeing OM there, it just didn't feel right.


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## SomedayDig (Jul 17, 2012)

You did all that you can, Kasler. The karma bus will either make the stop or will go on down the road to meet him at another turn.

Glad to hear your GF has a f'ng clue!! That's good stuff.


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## SomedayDig (Jul 17, 2012)

Umm...yeah, coming into someone's thread and just throwing out the "pull on your big girl panties and get over it buttercup", is both demeaning and pretty f'ng rude. You just started here. Not a good way to make a coming out.


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

Well, you told the owner, and the ball's in HIS court. But I would not stop going to the gym, because to leave would make this POSOM think that he has some sort of control. Keep going to the gym, because:

1) He will see that you are not changing a thing because of him

2) Seeing him will make you work out even harder

3) POSOM is going to get mighty nervous, possibly drop a weight on his foot in front of those hot women, and he'll eventually have to quit because you're always there, watching him.


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## Kasler (Jul 20, 2012)

^ Yeah definitely. No way am I gonna change my routine.


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## Malpheous (May 3, 2013)

Fair enough... Let's take a gentler approach. 

How does your current GF fell about it over all? I mean completely.

I'm asking that because I'd like to understand it better. Because if my wife was so worked about something that happened between her and her ex 5 years ago... I'd feel a bit slighted. Like I wasn't her priority. I mean, if she was so worked up over someone in her "past".


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## BK23 (Apr 17, 2013)

Malpheous said:


> Fair enough... Let's take a gentler approach.
> 
> How does your current GF fell about it over all? I mean completely.
> 
> I'm asking that because I'd like to understand it better. Because if my wife was so worked about something that happened between her and her ex 5 years ago... I'd feel a bit slighted. Like I wasn't her priority. I mean, if she was so worked up over someone in her "past".


Have you ever been cheated on? It changes you, or at least it did me. It casts a pallor over every subsequent relationship. The hurt doesn't just go away because you have moved forward romantically.


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## Malpheous (May 3, 2013)

Yes. I have. I learned from it. I looked at what happened and finally recognized, with help, that dwelling on it was only keeping me down and in many ways bringing me down. 

We, people in general, can all see one event together and take away something very independent from what others take away. This is because of personal experience and perceptions. When we get right down to it we have the ability to see things how we choose to see them.

Think about each time your SO does something a little annoying. If we love that person we can, if we really love them and want to, set that aside and find a way to smile through it. We can choose to be annoyed or find some laughable charm in whatever they did because we can place a low value on the potential argument. 

This applies. 

My ex had an affair. I figured it out. I confronted her and went through recovery. Counseling. All sorts of stuff. Ate me up. Then she 'fell off the wagon'. I was low and finally someone helped me realize that it happened and I could hurt over it or I could set it aside and move forward. It took time. But I finally, with a lot of help, got to where I could understand that she was broken and that the situation was just a bad mix. Gas is good and has it's purpose. Matches too. But when we put them together they can volatile. Yes? So eventually I broke form people that offered me pity. I stopped the pity me routine. I got myself in a good place. Then a good woman found me. Her and my D16 are my life's priority now. I still see my ex frequently. She's my D16's mother. I let it be because I don't care about that. she did me wrong and let that grudge go because I found my love.


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## Malpheous (May 3, 2013)

Oh yeah... You're right and I forgot to address that. Hurt doesn't go away because you've moved on romantically. It goes away when you've moved on as a person.

You should never become romantically involved until you are healed. Just not healthy. For anyone.


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## Malpheous (May 3, 2013)

SomedayDig said:


> Umm...yeah, coming into someone's thread and just throwing out the "pull on your big girl panties and get over it buttercup", is both demeaning and pretty f'ng rude. You just started here. Not a good way to make a coming out.


I could have started her in the beginning or a week from now and it'll make me no less right and no more wrong. Let's not get hung up over how long this account has been here.

I've been here. I've done this. The worst thing I had going for me initially was all the people feeding my self pity. Until I got rid of that I couldn't rebuild my sense of self worth. Made piss-poor decisions such as fighting the OM and causing myself more grief from the legal troubles and financial troubles connected with that.

You never help an alcoholic by telling them how that beer was asking to be drank.


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## BjornFree (Aug 16, 2012)

Malpheous said:


> Oh yeah... You're right and I forgot to address that. Hurt doesn't go away because you've moved on romantically. It goes away when you've moved on as a person.
> 
> You should never become romantically involved until you are healed. Just not healthy. For anyone.


I'd rather get into a relationship or date around than spend time with my right hand.


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## BK23 (Apr 17, 2013)

Malpheous said:


> I could have started her in the beginning or a week from now and it'll make me no less right and no more wrong. Let's not get hung up over how long this account has been here.
> 
> I've been here. I've done this. The worst thing I had going for me initially was all the people feeding my self pity. Until I got rid of that I couldn't rebuild my sense of self worth. Made piss-poor decisions such as fighting the OM and causing myself more grief from the legal troubles and financial troubles connected with that.
> 
> You never help an alcoholic by telling them how that beer was asking to be drank.


I'm glad you've come out of it so well. I think your experience, to an extent, is the exception rather than the rule. People here are in various stages of the process. I don't think your "tough love" advice is useful or constructive.


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## Shadow_Nirvana (Jan 1, 2013)

Malpheous said:


> Oh yeah... You're right and I forgot to address that. Hurt doesn't go away because you've moved on romantically. It goes away when you've moved on as a person.
> 
> You should never become romantically involved until you are healed. Just not healthy. For anyone.


Actually, the BEST way to dealing with heartache is being the one doing the break up and/or starting dating without too much time in between.

Working on yourself is a dynamic process, One shouldn't just freeze all of his life's aspects to work on himself, if the situation isn't crippling.


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## Malpheous (May 3, 2013)

BjornFree said:


> I'd rather get into a relationship or date around than spend time with my right hand.


As long as it's not expected to be an LTR. Until you heal yourself you aren't able to offer her the best you that you can be. Don't get me wrong. I went through a few women after the divorce while I was getting my poop in a group.


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## Malpheous (May 3, 2013)

BK23 said:


> I'm glad you've come out of it so well. I think your experience, to an extent, is the exception rather than the rule. People here are in various stages of the process. I don't think your "tough love" advice is useful or constructive.


I respect your opinion. But I also feel that after 5 years and having moved on to the point of having a child with another woman a person should be healed enough that they don't have to mark their territory. 

Take the tough love part out (the pull up the big girl panties) and take away that it's past time for self-pity and time to decide to either allow them and the situation they caused to continue wrecking your life or it's time to regain control of your life and be there for the new woman. Fully there for the new woman and child.

I crashed my bike into all sorts of things when I first learned to ride as a kid. The house. Dad's car. The tree. I don't avoid those things and at least one left a visible scar. I blew a knee jumping at Bragg. I still jumped many times after. If I gave up or let life's downs cripple me as a person... Screw that.


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## SomedayDig (Jul 17, 2012)

...But again...he WAS over things until the OM showed up as a trainer at the gym he has gone to for 5 years. He didn't go looking for the guy, hasn't held this in his heart...the POSOM showed up unexpected at his place of solitude.

Ohhh...if we could all be so high and mighty to just let such a thing roll off our back. Or for the Christians reading...turn the other cheek.

F-ck that. Kasler did what he should do - he took care of HIMSELF first.


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## Pomlover (May 15, 2013)

SomedayDig said:


> ...But again...he WAS over things until the OM showed up as a trainer at the gym he has gone to for 5 years. He didn't go looking for the guy, hasn't held this in his heart...the POSOM showed up unexpected at his place of solitude.
> 
> Ohhh...if we could all be so high and mighty to just let such a thing roll off our back. Or for the Christians reading...turn the other cheek.
> 
> F-ck that. Kasler did what he should do - he took care of HIMSELF first.


I don't you lose certain hatred towards some people you're just not reminded of it until its in your face. Whoever my BH ends up with will be on my sh1tlist for life.


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## SomedayDig (Jul 17, 2012)

Pomlover said:


> I don't you lose certain hatred towards some people you're just not reminded of it until its in your face. Whoever my BH ends up with will be on my sh1tlist for life.


Excuse me...but YOU are the one who was cheating on your husband. Whoever he ends up with YOU should be on your sh-tlist for life.


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## Shadow_Nirvana (Jan 1, 2013)

Extremely hard decision.

For all we know, the OM may have absolutely done the work necessary to grow out of the sh!tty things he did. On the other hand, he may have become an even more depicable POS. Hard to assess.

But it would still be weird if the OP had to leave that gym or run around to avoid conflict, not to mention extremely weak. So, he did what he needed to do, so good for him. If his exOM wasn't drowning in debt and this was the only job he could get, no real harm done.


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## Davelli0331 (Apr 29, 2011)

Wow.

Hey, I've been cheated on. I know how emasculating it is. I know the rage that burns inside. I get it.

But has this guy actually done anything immoral here at this gym that would warrant being fired? If not, he has as much right to be there as you do. That sucks like an MFer. I know. But there it is all the same.

Personal sanctuary? It's not _your_ gym, it's _a_ gym that _you_ attend with regularity.

Again, I get it. I'd want to beat his ass, too. I don't blame you.

But going behind his back to the owner of the gym and pulling some kind of sneaky personal friend card to get the guy fired? What are we, 16 year old girls in high school? Are you afraid of this guy or something?

Next time you see him there, go up to him and tell him that you two being in the gym at the same time is unacceptable. He'll blow you off. Tell him that because of your history, you want to have a sit down with the owner of the gym, all three of you. Tell this OM that you think it's in the gym owner's best interests that he know that one of his PTs has no problem picking up married women.

If OM agrees, then the gym owner will come up with an acceptable solution. If OM doesn't agree to the meeting, then you tell him flat out, "I'm gonna tell the gym owner that you're a philandering *******. This is your chance to be a man and be there to hear it."

Bet you won't see him again after that. And you didn't need any sneaking around.


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## Kasler (Jul 20, 2012)

Gotta vent or I'll go crazy. update

OM is as of now gone. 

The owner deliberated on this for a couple of days. He then decided, with my permission, to tell a few long time members just who OM was and judging by their reactions the choice was pretty clear. ( Nice knowing several people had my back like that ) 

He let him go, and after that OM asked to talk to me. We did, on the weight floor of the building, just by the entrance. It wasn't a talk really, all he did was start pouting, couldn't believe. Guys talking about it happened half a decade ago, we were both younger yada yada = all bullsh!t. 

For some reason I got really cold mad. I told him I don't care about him or his life after the way he threw a monkey wrench into mine, That I didn't owe him a damn thing, and he deserves all he gets from me and anything else the world throws at him. 

Then he said I ruined his life then and am doing the same thing now and he smacked me. Not a hard smack, but a condescending one. 

Then I fked up. 

I snapped. This is the guy who banged my ex fiance every which way for more than two years(while leaving presents for me inside her which I must've unknowingly unwrapped for years)

And then this guy, this mfking guy has the idea to lay hands on me? 

I didn't think of anything after that, I just hit him, and I kept hitting him and pushed him against one of the lockers alongside the wall and started hitting him some more. This didn't last long, there was a whole lot of yelling, and some dudes pulled me off of him. He wasn't unconscious, but he was bleeding at the mouth and nose and holding his stomach where I knee'd him a couple of time. Overall he was hurt worse, probably since I hit both his face and his stomach this time.

The owner told me to get the fk out and I did. I left all my stuff behind, but I honestly don't care about any of that right now, and I haven't been back to the gym since. I don't know whats gonna happen. Its only been two days and I've heard nothing from anybody, but I can't just stroll back into the gym. 

My GF is not hapy right now, but I don't have it in me to post about that right now. 

My boss doesn't know yet, but if word spreads or I get hauled in he will soon so I think I should tell him now. wtf am I supposed to do now fk man I screwed up big time.


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## Wideopn Dave (Apr 11, 2013)

Yeah buddy, you screwed up on this one. Best to just let the dust settle and lay low. Sort things out with your GF as priority as she and your child should be No1 in your life.

I was cheated on by my wife, I confronted the f**ker who is a 5th Dan karate kid and I mentally screwed him by asking (out of earshot of anyone) whether he was bullet proof as well.....that made him go a bit pale.

Hang in there


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Did anyone else see who threw the first punch? Is there video cam's in place?

C


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## CEL (May 7, 2013)

Frankly he assaulted you first in fact given that from what you said he is larger than you so you can even say that you were scared and acted out of self preservation. If he was going to file a complaint they would already be talking to you most guys who get in fights DON'T file, especially overly muscled guys it would hurt their pride if they had to tell someone that they got their a** kicked. You should be fine as far a legal goes however the gym owner may not know that the guy laid hands on you.


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## bryanp (Aug 25, 2011)

This OM has got to be the biggest idiot in the world.
1. You kicked his ass badly 5 years ago.
2. This idiot hits you first now and you defend yourself and beat him up again. This OM is just so amazingly stupid.
3. I think you should file a charge against him since he attacked you first.

Good luck.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

He hit you first.

You were defending yourself agains a larger man who is a personal trainer. 

That's your story and you stick to it.


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

I'm sure that a few people at the gym will back you up.


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## Woodchuck (Nov 1, 2012)

Kasler did absolutely the right thing both times...Kicking the douchenozzels a$$ and telling management........All of us have probably lost gf's, it's part of life, but dogging out a guy to his ex fiancé shows the guy was a total pr1ck....Let the karma bus be a double decker AWD with snow chains.....And pop the clutch...

the woodchuck


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

CEL said:


> Frankly *he assaulted you first *in fact given that from what you said he is larger than you so you can even say that you were scared and acted out of self preservation. If he was going to file a complaint they would already be talking to you most guys who get in fights DON'T file, especially overly muscled guys it would hurt their pride if they had to tell someone that they got their a** kicked. You should be fine as far a legal goes however the gym owner may not know that the guy laid hands on you.



Depends if there was any evidence of it? A video perhaps?

And then there is the question of proportionality. 

I'll say, wait and see. Aint much to do now but wait to see what the fallout is.


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

Kasler said:


> For those that don't know, short story is my *ex fiance* had a LTA for about 2 years with same OM.


The positive is that because of the OM, you found out your ex-fiance's character. You were lucky in finding out before you got married.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Same script, different sitch.....

Consult a lawyer and know your options.

I strongly suggest you talk to some of you less savior friends that have been in trouble before and get a name of a good defense lawyer lawyer.

Do you have a bail fund? You know, money you set a side for when sh1t like this happens.

Hopefully it stays in civil court and doesn't go criminal. You can always use your bail dough for a retainer.

If your lucky the DA was also cheated on and doesn't go after the case, but then again the DA could be a cheater and make an examble of you.

Get to a lawyer ASAP!


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

In addition the lawyer can find out alot more then you can and make it very confusing for the DA in defining who the aggressor was.

BTW...DO NOT TELL ANYONE "YOU JUST SNAPPED"!!!!!!!


From were I'm sitting you were approached and the OM...he got out of hand...no matter what other poeple saw, you felt threatened!!!!

Just remember getting a lawyer...a good lawyer...you might be able to convince the DA not to charge you with assault.

Often poeple wait and get a lawyer after they are charged...you want a lawyer that will prevent you from being charged.


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## BjornFree (Aug 16, 2012)

Head back to the gym.

This guy isn't going to press charges because, for one, he can't because he instigated. Two, his ego is probably much more bruised than his body, he definitely wouldn't want the story getting out. Smaller man beating up an overly muscled gorilla. Not one that people will have much sympathy for.


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## BobSimmons (Mar 2, 2013)

Move on


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## Kasler (Jul 20, 2012)

Ok, I think I'll call up the owner and ask about this. 

Me and my GF have been talking long on this, and shes not too mad, but scared about whats gonna happen from here on, and pissed about why I'd agree to talk to him. We've been fighting on that last point all of yesterday and things are really tense. 

Gotta a free consultation with a lawyer later today as well, see what she says.


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## BrockLanders (Jul 23, 2012)

Kasler said:


> Ok, I think I'll call up the owner and ask about this.
> 
> Me and my GF have been talking long on this, and shes not too mad, but scared about whats gonna happen from here on, and pissed about why I'd agree to talk to him. We've been fighting on that last point all of yesterday and things are really tense.
> 
> Gotta a free consultation with a lawyer later today as well, see what she says.


Go see a lawyer and see if you can press charges on him. A preemptive strike might benefit you. Maybe have a buddy give you a nice shot to the eye to make a shiner. Since it was a locker room there were no cameras, you're lucky.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Kasler (Jul 20, 2012)

BrockLanders said:


> Go see a lawyer and see if you can press charges on him. A preemptive strike might benefit you. Maybe have a buddy give you a nice shot to the eye to make a shiner. Since it was a locker room there were no cameras, you're lucky.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I just want this thing to go away. The attorney said if I haven't been picked up by now I probably won't be. 

I don't want to press charges as that could get ugly, he decides to say nothing I'll do the same. 

I talked to the owner, he was really pissed because he thought I started it, but people corroborated that he put hands on me first. Thankfully, I didn't get my dumb ass banned.


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

Kasler, take this from someone who spent his career in the legal system. Get over it and leave this guy alone. You've may have dodged a bullet twice. With your history with this guy, there likely won't be a third time. 
You really need to be grateful you have a girlfriend who is not inquiring as to your pushing this guy to point you're willing to risk jail time and damage suits. I mean personally I'd like to know, what is it about your former chick that makes you want to keep punishing the guy that, as you put it, "threw a monkey wrench" into your life. It almost sounds like, "hey, if this guy hadn't have come along, I could be married to my former chick instead of being stuck with my current GF and a 2 1/2 year old kid." 
Again, be grateful your GF don't think like I do.


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## Kasler (Jul 20, 2012)

Thats what I plan to do, no doubt about that I'm done with his ass.

And I didn't say what meant with the needed eloquence, was posting with too much heat.


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## Kasler (Jul 20, 2012)

Thats what I plan to do, no doubt about that I'm done with his ass.

And I didn't say what meant with the needed eloquence, was posting with too much heat.


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

Here's what you need to do K. Ask yourself how important is my current relationship and how much do I love my GF/family. I am going to assume that it is very important and you love them very much. Now think, "but for this guy coming along and the way things went down , I would never have never met and had the relationship with my GF and kid". It may be pushing the envelop but just maybe you should be grateful that this guy exposing the bad allowed you to have what you have now.


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## The Cro-Magnon (Sep 30, 2012)

Kasler, you are awesome.

To bash an OM once, and wipe the smug smirk off his face forever more is priceless enough as it is. To do so twice is epic.

My long term girlfriend before my current wife cheated on me, trash talked me, etc, with some OM. They thought I was a loser, etc. I confronted them at her apartment and beat the absolute crap out of the bigmouth. I won. I walked away from it with my pride and self-esteem instantly cured. I don't care what anyone says, laying a beating on the OM is the best medicine IMO. They fcuking deserve it. 

I went home and waited for the cops to show up, but they never did. Nothing ever happened. The OM "Tom" just took his beating and went home with his tail between his legs.

If I had not manned up and confronted him, and beaten him, my healing would have been prolonged by a long time. Laying a beating down on him was so therapeutic, that it is hard for me to describe. Here was the piece of shtt that took my manhood, and in taking it back the way I did, I felt whole, and above them.

He was taller and younger than me too, so he had no excuses.


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

Ex fiance dumped and held accountable for being a POS. Maybe she'll think twice before f*cking around whoever's unlucky enough to be with her now.
OM held accountable for beng a POS. Maybe he'll think twice before chasing women.

Perfect.


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## oldmittens (Dec 2, 2011)

How are you doing Kasler, i hope your well. Is your ex still trying to get you back or has she moved on. also have you turned your GF into a W let lol. hope you well pop by a give a update some time.


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