# Unable to get satisfaction from wife



## hw2000 (Oct 3, 2011)

I have been married for 18 months now and till date I havent got the satisfaction in making love. She is nice person but physical features (figure and shape) are missing. I know that love making is abt feelings but I just feel that she doesnt put in the kind of effort required to look healthy. 
I have openly told her on a few ocassions but everytime she will start sulking and it becomes difficult for me to find a solution.
I want to be faithful to her but the situation is such that I have now started relying on porn and masturbation to relieve myself.

I even tried a few times to make love but after a few minutes I just loose the erection. 

Is there any suggestion what to do?


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

18 months and you aren't attracted to her? Was she this way when you married her?


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## hw2000 (Oct 3, 2011)

It was an arranged marriage and I got just an hour to meet her in person. I dont wanna go in detail but the situation was such that didnt have much time to decide.
However she is well educated and reasonably mod girl so I do expect her to understand that basic physical attributes shld be maintained to have a good sexual life. 
It just happens that she tends to focus on things like cooking, dressing up, makeup and all that. I have told her so many times that I would be much happier if she could focus on toning her body a bit. 
The first time I saw her up close (our first night), I was in for a shock.


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## hw2000 (Oct 3, 2011)

I want to be a good hubby but at the same time there needs to be a way out for me to actually feel involved.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Wow. Where are you from?


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

hw2000 said:


> It was an arranged marriage and I got just an hour to meet her in person. I dont wanna go in detail but the situation was such that didnt have much time to decide.
> However she is well educated and reasonably mod girl so I do expect her to understand that basic physical attributes shld be maintained to have a good sexual life.
> It just happens that she tends to focus on things like cooking, dressing up, makeup and all that. *I have told her so many times that I would be much happier if she could focus on toning her body a bit*.
> The first time I saw her up close (our first night), I was in for a shock.


I have no experience of being in an arranged marriage, but I highlighted something in your post.

Here's the thing - whether it's an arranged marriage or a love match - nobody else can make you happy. I'll repeat - nobody else can make you happy. YOU, however, can choose to be happy - it's a choice you make, not chance. And to rely on another person to do something that will then 'make' you happy - not very likely.

"_Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be." ~Abraham Lincoln_

So, what to do? I think in an arranged marriage, you would need to focus on these things: 1) the commitment that you made and the meaning of that commitment, 2) look for and concentrate on the good aspects of your partner, 3) affirm those good aspects of your partner and 4) Talk with each other and get to know each other more. She may be in the same quandary that you are - thinking to herself 'well, if he was just <insert whatever here>, then I'd be so happy', so why not work on getting to know each other?

Best wishes.


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## hw2000 (Oct 3, 2011)

What 'Echantment' mentioned is helpful.... commitment is very much thr thats why I am trying to find answers to the situation.... 
However I do feel happiness frm marriage is very much mutual and ur interactions with partner r key.
I am happy to admit that I like her around and she has got good nature and happy nature. 
It i just the sexual aspect of our relationship which is bothering me. I wonder if this forum has got some panacea for such a situation.


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## Romance and More (Oct 4, 2011)

Any relationship is dependent on communication. If one method of communication is not working, then you should try another. “Honey, I would stay hard if there wasn’t so much jelly on your belly” vs. “Hey honey, lets go for a walk together around the neighborhood. The sky is so beautiful, I think it would be a little romantic” afterwards…”That was so enjoyable, let’s make it a date every night. A way for us to unwind together as husband and wife.”
You are married to someone you do not know. Both of you are married to a stranger, and instead of building the relationship and getting to know each other before marriage, you now have to do this during your marriage. Date each other, talk, and find out what makes each other tick. Learn how to motivate her, and show her how to motivate you.

You stated she enjoys looking good, via makeup and dressing up. So you have a good start. Sounds like with the proper stimulation, you would have someone who was interested in being fit.

Now, for you… 

I understand that you have an arranged marriage, however the choice was yours. You always have a choice. You may not want the consequences, but the choice is yours. Now, deal with it and man up. You saw what she looked like, you should have chosen then. You can not expect someone to change. This is one of the big issues in relationships today. Both men and women see some of the characteristics they like in someone (*unfortunately typically the looks) and hope to change them into the person they want. Guess what… It never works that way. Love the one your with, and you will be happy.

Women will go through changes throughout their life. You have to find the beauty and recognize the beautiful person you are married to. You better see how beautiful she is if she gets pregnant.


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