# Wife reads a book during sex



## scrubs (Dec 18, 2010)

Hi. First post so hello, and please be kind!

My wife and I have been together for about 5 years. My sex drive has always been higher than hers. Recently when I tried to initiate sex she said she didn't want to as she wanted to read. She then suggested that I could have sex with her while she read her book. Since that night she hasn't wanted to have sex again but is happy for me to have sex with her while she reads in bed. She's actually happy for me to have sex with her every night as long as she can read her book and doesn't have to join in. It's a little strange but as I want to have sex I go along with it. She says she's very happy for me to carry on and feels the pressure is off from her to participate. She also say's she is happy in our relationship but just isn't interested but understands that I want to have sex and is happy for me to, her words, use her.

I wonder if this is something I should go along with or perhaps this is a sign of other problems. I don't believe there is anyone else or anything like that and I believe her when she says she's happy so perhaps this is ok?

Any advice please?


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

No offense intended, but have you taken a long hard look at your technique, and if you're meeting her needs sexually? I'd like to think that with most sessions, my partners wouldn't be able to hold a book, much less concentrate enough to read one.

Personally, I wouldn't find it to be ok... Maybe at first, but eventually I'd probably rather DIY rather than having a totally non-interested partner. But if it works for you, I guess it's ok.

C


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## chefmaster (Oct 30, 2010)

She's telling you sex isn't effecting her.

That or she simply doesn't have enough time before bed to read and wants help with housework...but I doubt it 

There are many ways to make her toes curl and scream with pleasure so that reading a book isn't even an option.


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

What is she reading that she can't be bothered with sex?

The library has to go.

Next time she pulls that stunt tell her you need a wife interested in sex without a book to read. That it offends you.

Refuse sex and mention that you'll find a lover who doesn't read.

If she then starts in with a litany of grievances you'll know where you stand.

If she puts down the book and apologizes even better.

Actually, maybe you ought to grab the book out of her hands and toss it out the window and then take her.

She's daring you to complain about her behavior.


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## Gemini85 (Dec 17, 2010)

Sorry but I would be super offended if my husband was reading a book while we were having sex. Maybe you should show her how it feels by doing the same? ....Unless you are the one that brings up sex all the time...and she never asks for it. It doesn't sound healthy to me...that's coming from a female perspective. So I say show her how it feels....or talk to her about it.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

No no no you find It disturbing or you would not have posted. This cannot be good as a longterm solution for disparate sex drives nor for you or her. Is she affectionate to you are there times that she does not read a book when you have sex? How do you feel afterwards, do you hug hold each other? 
My opinion the book has got to go but I don't know how to help you do that and still get the sexual contact you need. I hope someone else chimes in with suggestions.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Gemini85 (Dec 17, 2010)

:iagree:


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## Just1Man (Dec 9, 2010)

> She's actually happy for me to have sex with her every night as long as she can read her book and doesn't have to join in.


Nice... I say tell her its anal night and see if she is still content not to join in and still able to read her precious book...


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## Atholk (Jul 25, 2009)

Um... wow. I thought I'd seen everything.

This is pretty bad and I won't tolerate it to be honest.


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## hurtinindy (Dec 15, 2010)

Okay. Maybe i'm the odd one out here but I think that maye she gets off on this. I know tht me and my husband have tried a little of everything (efore it stopped) andone of the things was sex while reading a book. I myself found it very stimulating to be doing something else while that was haeneing to me. Maybe you should ask her if this excites her.


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

Queen Victoria is alleged to said that the way to endure sexual relations with Prince Albert was to "think of England."


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## Just1Man (Dec 9, 2010)

All kidding aside, this hits home with me... My wife would rather read a book, play on the computer, clean the windows, go to the dentist, etc... I know I'm not a slouch in bed... She actually told me that I am too into sex and make such a huge production in bed wanting to do too many positions and perform oral sex on her for too long... We used to have a pretty good sex life though I've had better sex lives with partners in my past. I figured it would get better with time. Even though my wife had been with more people than I had it seemed that every time I would do something it was a total shock to her. She said on more than one occasion that no one had ever done that to her before. Simple stuff like alternating between penetration and oral on her while she was having an orgasm, etc... Why wouldn't a guy want to do that !! 

Now I fear that due to hormone issues, weight, etc... she has almost totally lost interest in sex.

I fear your wife has lost interest in sex as well... A person that has a sex drive has a hard time understanding a person that doesn't... Like eating... there is over eating and there is anorexia


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Just1Man said:


> Nice... I say tell her its anal night and see if she is still content not to join in and still able to read her precious book...


This is so bad!! 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

Might make her drop her bookmark 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Bibliosex
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MarriedWifeInLove (May 28, 2010)

Boy, I thought I'd seen it all too - I was wrong!

I've put up with a lot of BS this year, but this would be a deal breaker even for me.

I'm surprised that someone is not insulted here.

But, I'm not you guys and if you don't see anything wrong with it and she doesn't - well - all I have to say is different strokes.


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

scrubs said:


> Hi. First post so hello, and please be kind!
> 
> My wife and I have been together for about 5 years. My sex drive has always been higher than hers. Recently when I tried to initiate sex she said she didn't want to as she wanted to read. She then suggested that I could have sex with her while she read her book. Since that night she hasn't wanted to have sex again but is happy for me to have sex with her while she reads in bed. She's actually happy for me to have sex with her every night as long as she can read her book and doesn't have to join in. It's a little strange but as I want to have sex I go along with it. She says she's very happy for me to carry on and feels the pressure is off from her to participate. She also say's she is happy in our relationship but just isn't interested but understands that I want to have sex and is happy for me to, her words, use her.
> 
> ...


Find your post a little bit familiar, my husband and I have done it many times, but ours is a little bit different, sometimes two of us read in bed before we go to sleep, so he just puts his cok inside of me and does me spoon, and ****s me slowly, you can imagine the picture, we are reading and ****ing, it is actually interesting, it makes our reading more enjoyable. But what we are doing is different, both of us read. 

If you don't feel bothered and she knows it is important for you to have your needs satisfied, it is still nice of her. 

What does she do when she wants sex? How often does she want sex? If you want sex everyday, and she doesn't need it this often, I don't find it a big deal. If she doesn't want sex at all, then something is not right about her in this activity.


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## 76Trombones (Jun 2, 2010)

Yeah there is something just plain wrong about reading a book during sex. Even I wouldn't do something like that.


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## scrubs (Dec 18, 2010)

First of all thanks for all the replies, I appreciate people taking the time to write. I'll try to answer some of the points brought up. 

No offense taken at all, yup I had thought/do think about technique. Looking back at past relationships there had certainly been no complaints and, without trying to sound c***y/stupid etc, pretty sure all partners enjoyed it - though I guess without going back and giving them a 20 point questionnaire I'll never know for sure!

I don't think she's doing it to be rude or because she doesn't care, in fact very much the opposite. We have a great relationship, open, caring, loving and very affectionate. It's just that she only needs sex perhaps once a month or once every other month. When she does want to she seems to, and certainly says she does, enjoy it very much - it's just she doesn't need much sex to satisfy her. 

Talking about it she admits she is turned on by the fact she lies there passively letting me use her but that is enough for her the most of the time. Funny how some other readers thought this, and also do it - different strokes and all that. She is happy for me to enjoy her body, even if she doesn't feel the need to actively "join in", and this is her solution to the mismatched sex drives. 

So putting thoughts to paper/screen and then talking things over has proved, and quickly, to be both cathartic and enlightening - who'd have thought it! I'm more than a bit reassured that other people get up to similar things in their relationships as perhaps my main worry was that this was totally dysfunctional.

Loved the one about dropping the bookmark!


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

There are a lot of men here whose wives don't have much sex drive, and the wives don't think satisfying their husbands' desire is a big deal. 

Comparing to those women, your wife is a sweet. Hey, you are getting sex every day, did I read right? 

Wow, if you have a lot of affection for each other, and you don't get bothered, just enjoy your life!  We are all different, Nobody says that we all have to be the same. Having peace is more important. 

Next time, give her porn stories to read. 

When I read in bed, love the feeling that there is a toy playing in my pu$$$!


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

I used to want to read books more than have sex back in the day. (alot of women seem to be like this early in marraige -our drives are not in full swing--yet). Husband used to hate my books. Most of the time he would just roll over, not even trying when he seen me reading, but sometimes he would start working on me anyway (I was like your wife, he could do what he wanted), and all I can say is --after a little time & attention, those juices would start flowing & that book was the last thing on my mind all of a sudden. 

Doesn't this happen to your wife- sometimes? Or the whole time she is content to keep reading and not really getting into it?? I would believe this is working OK for HER, but doesn't this bother YOU? 

Have you never gotten upset about this -- and expressed to her how you desire her full attention & presence -for these 15 or so very intimate minutes. I can't imagine not having that conversation but just continuing on like this--every night or so.


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## chefmaster (Oct 30, 2010)

That's awesome, I sensed resentment in the first post and am glad I was wrong.

That's actually pretty hot with you both enjoying it.


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## tattoomommy (Aug 14, 2009)

PBear said:


> No offense intended, but have you taken a long hard look at your technique, and if you're meeting her needs sexually? I'd like to think that with most sessions, my partners wouldn't be able to hold a book, much less concentrate enough to read one.
> 
> Personally, I wouldn't find it to be ok... Maybe at first, but eventually I'd probably rather DIY rather than having a totally non-interested partner. But if it works for you, I guess it's ok.
> 
> C


No way I could read a book with my husband. There is most certainly an issue if she can read any ole book while you do your thing. I know some women like to read erotica prior to the act or even during foreplay, but for the main it... no way.

I"m hanging on for dear life half the time lol. You guys need to talk about what she wants and you will have a much better sex life.


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## Sara Ann (Aug 27, 2010)

This reminds me that sex can be so different from what any of us imagine.

Who would think I enjoy this scenario:
I want my husband to read his book when I masturbate, so I can relax. Sometimes it takes me a long time to orgasm with my H (not sure yet why), so I am happy to have him read a book next to me while I masturbate. I just love him to hold me or put his hand over my mouth when I climax. I know this sounds weird. I actually like it, because it takes the pressure off me to be fast, since I know he is busy reading.


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## chefmaster (Oct 30, 2010)

Sara Ann said:


> This reminds me that sex can be so different from what any of us imagine.
> 
> Who would think I enjoy this scenario:
> I want my husband to read his book when I masturbate, so I can relax. Sometimes it takes me a long time to orgasm with my H (not sure yet why), so I am happy to have him read a book next to me while I masturbate. I just love him to hold me or put his hand over my mouth when I climax. I know this sounds weird. I actually like it, because it takes the pressure off me to be fast, since I know he is busy reading.


Just wanted to tell you your post put this big smile on my face. 

This kind of communication in a marriage is priceless.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

I'd leave her to the peace of her literature and I'd go find a real woman to take care of the things of this world.


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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

In some way, you do think it something wrong that's why you posted your question here.
Women have very little sexual drive can't stand you want sex everyday.
So I believe in a certain level, your wife enjoys being harassed and thrusted by you during her reading when she enjoys her reading, she wants you to use her body for fun. It's a pleasure to her if she accepted you happily in this way, it means she likes it as well.
Try a week not to harass her and I guess she would peek at you, checking you out during her reading, wondering why you're not coming for the pleasure. LOL I really recommend you to go away for a while so she would miss the reading & thrusting pleasure you give.
How do you think?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

In the other hand, after you stop for sex for a week, if she doesn't feel a loss or check you out. It probably means she doesn't really care. So you will understand it a problem or not.


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## mike1 (Jun 15, 2009)

I have to be honest, I wouldn't be turning this down and don't see this as a problem. Now it would be a huge problem if it was this way all the time, if she never wanted sex, never had an orgasm or participated. 

I'm jealous that your wife clearly cares about your relationship and you enough to understand that you have needs that should be taken care of even if she doesn't have the same drive. 

I think a major problem in many marriages (it's the biggest issue in my marriage) is the fact that the spouse with the lower sex drive controls the sexual activity. If the wife wants sex we have it, if she doesn't we don't. The lower sex drive spouse doesn't seem to recognize the NEED of the other person. Unchecked I think this can lead to a multitude of other problems. 

So I think you lucked out, enjoy it and hope it lasts!


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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

mike1 said:


> I have to be honest, I wouldn't be turning this down and don't see this as a problem. Now it would be a huge problem if it was this way all the time, if she never wanted sex, never had an orgasm or participated.
> 
> I'm jealous that your wife clearly cares about your relationship and you enough to understand that you have needs that should be taken care of even if she doesn't have the same drive.
> 
> ...


Bring it up! Put your needs in front of her and request her to recognise them and respect that you have sexual needs that should be taken care of by her.


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## tjohnson (Mar 10, 2010)

I have to say at first i thought how disrepectful etc. but, I have read about and heard about so many wives who have no sex drive and instead of accomodating in some way criticise their H instead of addressing the issue. Yours seems far better then the men who are forced into abstinance sneeking porn. I have heard of women who don't want to have sex then have the gall to criticize their man for turning to his fist and port. 

I will say though it is strange that your W can actually read. Is the drill that you try to just get off or does she climax. I dissagree with the notion that somehow you can turn somehow change the way she is. 

I am not sure how i would feel about being in your shoes. Your situation would not be OK for some people but, only you have to live with it.


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## mike1 (Jun 15, 2009)

MsLonely said:


> Bring it up! Put your needs in front of her and request her to recognise them and respect that you have sexual needs that should be taken care of by her.


LOL :lol: been there, done that, tried communicating in every way possible. I have a beautiful wife with many great qualities but after countless discussions, i.e. arguments, about the lack of sex it's clearly been determined she will not change her ways or attitude towards my sexual needs.


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## Mrs.G (Nov 20, 2010)

Atholk said:


> Um... wow. I thought I'd seen everything.
> 
> This is pretty bad and I won't tolerate it to be honest.


:iagree: Was your wife joking when she said this? Why in the world would she think that it's okay to READ while her husband makes love to her? You can't even call that sex; it's called doing a chore. 

Wives who don't put out or come up with nonsense like this, do not deserve to be married. You may want to tell her that she should have stayed single, if she didn't want to have sex.

Unbelievable!


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## tjohnson (Mar 10, 2010)

After re-reading your post it seems like your little thing is not so bad. As i had mentioned some wives give it up 3-4 times a month but, fail to recognize that there are tons of other times when their H is left sexually frustrated. It sounds like she is a willing participant most of the time and when she is trully not in the mood she lets you do your thang. 

If that is the case it is cool for her to do and it has a little "kink" factor that makes it hot. As least she is "helping" you even if it is to be a less than 100% participation. 

I am curious though how "not into it" she is. Do you have to use lubricant or is she providing that? If the latter she must be enjoying it and not totally lying there bored, right?


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## scrubs (Dec 18, 2010)

I think that actually it is a little kink for her. On the whole she's a bit shy of admitting what she likes or wants to do etc but she's confessed that she is getting off on it. She's admitted to the fantasy of being used for sex, lying there and "having to take it" (her words). I think she's actually getting off far more than she expected and getting satisfied by it. First few times she did need a helping hand with lubricant but not much in the last few times. 

I do understand what others have said how the lower drive person controls the amount much more that the higher drive person - this does strike as unreasonable and I can certainly see why it causes so much friction (the wrong kind!)


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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

mike1 said:


> LOL :lol: been there, done that, tried communicating in every way possible. I have a beautiful wife with many great qualities but after countless discussions, i.e. arguments, about the lack of sex it's clearly been determined she will not change her ways or attitude towards my sexual needs.


Try to reach a mutually agreement that if you have a itch, you can scratch with someone else.
She can be ignorant but you can't lock yourself for the rest of your life under her ignorance and indifference.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## pochael (Apr 12, 2010)

Maybe you need to start buying her audio books and get her involved a little.


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## Threetimesalady (Dec 22, 2010)

My first thought after reading the title of this post was WOW...Then I read the post...Seeing I like to put down my own thoughts and not what I had read, I am answering it this way...

First: You admitted that your sex drives were different from the start...You errored...A woman does not change...If anything they will go down...IMO, in the long run a woman like this could be problems...That being she hides that part of herself that is special...It is called "inhibited"....Whether her libido is different or whether she has pre-diagnosed herself as "sexless" I do not know...However, to me a woman is a woman is a woman...Still waters run deep...They just have to be stirred....

Second: The other and possibly the majority of woman are thinking that they wish that they had the balls to read a book and get it over with....


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## Jeep73170 (Dec 26, 2010)

Wow ! Wow ! Wow !!!!!

I have been really depressed with my marriage lately; hence, the boards, and my wife has taken a slightly different approach. At least she did when we last had sex some 18 months ago. She would lay there and say she wasn't going to move. If I wanted sex, it was always missionary, she would lay there staring @ the ceiling and didn't last long. I will no longer do that, I did a few times, but no longer. Hence, ever since our relationship has gone downhill.

Women know how important sex is to a man, and to pull the book / lay there routine is a slap in the face. Very disrespectful. Can you imagine if you pulled this stunt ?

I had to laugh, I was in tears when I read yours, but only because thought I was alone in having a wife who didn't want to participate. I wish you the best, you made my day as I feel we something in common, and I don't feel so "unique". 

Best Wishes my friend !


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## WadeWilson (Jul 4, 2010)

Hmmm I would call it multitasking... Either she values sex so little she can have it while reading... Maybe it's her grift and she loves doing both...
I have a strange perspective to things...
I probably would not prefer doing sex and "____"... 
But I would perform oral while my wife reads, but she would not be able to focous on her book...



Pandakiss said:


> maybe thats her kink, like when our guys want downstairs action while they either drive or play video games or even shower..


And haa... I too would enjoy "multitasking" during those things too... Hmmm maybe other things too...


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