# Same Sex Exposure...



## Shoto1984

I don't want to start a war with this, I'm just looking for some input from other parents of young kids. Mine are 5 and 10 yrs. They've had a pretty "normal" upbringing to this point. Kid's books, Disney movies etc... I'm wrestling with the continued proliferation (saturation) of same sex and transgender stuff in the media. Example....they're watching Cupcake Wars this morning. One of the competitors is a guy and his boyfriend and they're getting married.... My kids were totally confused and I'm not sure if this is the right age for a "teaching moment" on this. They've also been exposed to the "Jenner" thing but its so out there it hasn't registered (thankfully) So I'm torn on how much I need to be limiting media in my home (Cupcake Wars? really?), what is age appropriate at 10 and at 5, my own views on these topics (which are admittedly conflicted..) and probably more.... thoughts?


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## NobodySpecial

YMMV. My kids have been exposed without censure to all kinds of lifestyles since they were much younger than yours. What they cannot understand is what the fuss is about. So 2 people love each other. Big deal.

The bottom line is what do you want for them? If you want them to learn about their world, be open with them. Not with Big Lectures about those other people. But by talking about the news when it comes up. Or about people you know. I don't know where you live, but around here it is not possible to NOT know a gay couple. Without saying anything in a big meaningful way, we have conversations about people volunteering at church, their jobs, illnesses and how we can help, just like anyone else. Kids grasp pretty easily that they are just like everyone else.

Unless you think that they aren't. If you want to protect them from the world they live in, I am not your gal for advice. No experience there.


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## CuddleBug

It's totally up to you how you raise your kids and not what the media and others might tell you.

If Mrs.CuddleBug and I had kids, I would raise them that marriage is special, under God, and between a man and a woman for many obvious infinite reasons.

I would teach them to love and have tolerance for all, but I would also tell them, that doesn't mean you have to support this or that either. You can love someone without supporting their choices in life.

I would teach them that we all have moral free will and we can chose whatever we wish to do in this life. No one makes you do anything you don't wish to do and genetics don't make you do this or that either. Moral free will and choices is what I would teach them.

And what everyone else does with their lives is their business.


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## Steve1000

Just keep it simple at this age, like any discussion about heterosexual couples. "A lot of guys and ladies get married to each other when they are adults, and some guys prefer to get married to other guys and some ladies prefer to get married to other ladies." Your son might follow it up by asking something like, "Why do frogs make funny noises?"


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## NobodySpecial

OMG Steve. Love it. It very often is not what we fear it is with kids.


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## coffee4me

I kept it simple and just said: that man loves another man or that woman loves woman; like mommy loves daddy. They seemed to take that at face value. 

Then in the 6th grade my son looked up from his homework and said: by the way mom I'm not gay. I said where in the world did that come from? He explained in a very matter of fact - no big deal tone: middle school is when everybody declares their sexual preference so I just thought I'd let you know too that I'm straight. I just said: well thanks for keeping me in the loop


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## Shoto1984

Great input all, thanks.


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## Fozzy

I was initially very uncomfortable with addressing that kind of stuff with my kids. Dreaded it in fact. Then I asked myself what the consequences were that I feared might happen. Was I afraid my child might turn out gay? Not really worried about that, I'm going to love them all the same. Was I afraid they'd treat someone unfairly? Not really worried about that either because I teach them to respect everyone. Then I realized there really wasn't anything to be afraid of.

Once they get their questions answered, they're on to stuff that matters more to them. They don't dwell on matters of sexuality at that age. It's a momentary curiosity for them.


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## Anon Pink

It's not until they're about 13 14 when they ask...so how does sex work with two lesbians? That was a fun one!

When my youngest was 12 we heard that Rihanna song, can't remember the name: "sticks and stone may break my bones but chains and whips excite me, come on I like it like it like it come on." Anyway she asks me what is BDSM. So I launch into an explanation that would put hair on a boys chest and she interrupts me and say MOM! I just wanted to know what it stood for!

Yup, keep it simple.


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## Hardtohandle

I have a 10 year old.. He understands what it is to be gay.. We live in NYC we have everything here.. Not much to hide to be honest.. 

But a five year old I would just glaze over it and move on to something else.. Kids are like dogs, They see squirrel and then ice cream truck.. They forgot the squirrel already..


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## Icey181

I was told there would be ice-cream?


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## Rowan

Anon Pink said:


> It's not until they're about 13 14 when they ask...so how does sex work with two lesbians? That was a fun one!


LOL! 

When my son was about 6, a lesbian couple I'm friends with were expecting their first child. He asked if Miss Kate and Miss Dani's baby would have a daddy. I just told him that some grown people fall in love with people of the opposite sex - like me and his daddy - while others fall in love with people of the same sex - like Miss Kate and Miss Dani, or Mr. Neil and Mr. Will (a gay couple we know). So, he has a mommy and a daddy, but Kate and Dani's baby would have two mommies. 

He actually thought that sounded like a very unfair deal, because their baby would have _two_ mommies to make cookies. He seemed very indignant about someone potentially getting cookies twice as often as he did himself..... 

But, one day when he was in the 7th grade he came home from school and said, "So, I guess Miss Kate and Miss Dani used in-vitro fertilization with donor sperm to have Grace?" I just answered that they had done exactly that. I suppose they must have covered that in science class that day. I guess I feel lucky that he didn't ever ask for a more detailed explanation of how sex works with lesbians, and just wanted clarification that it wouldn't work, biologically, to produce babies.


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## Maneo

don't make a big deal over it. keep it age appropriate when answering questions. what the 5 year old wants and needs differs from the ten year old. 

obviously your own view on these matters comes into play. just don't make a drama out of a curious simple question. the KISS principle applies.

I've raised three boys to adulthood and each was a little different.

When my oldest was about 4 or 5 we were having a family dinner at a nice restaurant. At a nearby table were a young man and woman having a romantic dinner with much hand holding and some nuzzling. Our little one observed and then said out loud, "Is the man going to lay on the woman now?" and we knew we needed to do a little more monitoring of what he was seeing on TV.


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## Anonymous07

Steve1000 said:


> Just keep it simple at this age, like any discussion about heterosexual couples. "A lot of guys and ladies get married to each other when they are adults, and some guys prefer to get married to other guys and some ladies prefer to get married to other ladies." Your son might follow it up by asking something like, "Why do frogs make funny noises?"


:iagree:

I think we tend to over complicate things in our mind as parents, but it is best to keep it simple. If you want to limit what they can watch in regards to this, that is your choice as a parent. Personally, I wouldn't stop watching something because there is a random gay couple.


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## life_huppens

Shoto1984 said:


> I don't want to start a war with this, I'm just looking for some input from other parents of young kids. Mine are 5 and 10 yrs. They've had a pretty "normal" upbringing to this point. Kid's books, Disney movies etc... I'm wrestling with the continued proliferation (saturation) of same sex and transgender stuff in the media. Example....they're watching Cupcake Wars this morning. One of the competitors is a guy and his boyfriend and they're getting married.... My kids were totally confused and I'm not sure if this is the right age for a "teaching moment" on this. They've also been exposed to the "Jenner" thing but its so out there it hasn't registered (thankfully) So I'm torn on how much I need to be limiting media in my home (Cupcake Wars? really?), what is age appropriate at 10 and at 5, my own views on these topics (which are admittedly conflicted..) and probably more.... thoughts?


I have had enough with media this days, and it is not about same sex, but mostly about promotion of bad behavior and general disrespect to other people that my kids exposed from TV programs. I just pull the cord from Cable provider and just left internet. Much easier to control what they watch via Netflix and YouTube. 
But that just me.


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## life_huppens

Shoto1984 said:


> I don't want to start a war with this, I'm just looking for some input from other parents of young kids. Mine are 5 and 10 yrs. They've had a pretty "normal" upbringing to this point. Kid's books, Disney movies etc... I'm wrestling with the continued proliferation (saturation) of same sex and transgender stuff in the media. Example....they're watching Cupcake Wars this morning. One of the competitors is a guy and his boyfriend and they're getting married.... My kids were totally confused and I'm not sure if this is the right age for a "teaching moment" on this. They've also been exposed to the "Jenner" thing but its so out there it hasn't registered (thankfully) So I'm torn on how much I need to be limiting media in my home (Cupcake Wars? really?), what is age appropriate at 10 and at 5, my own views on these topics (which are admittedly conflicted..) and probably more.... thoughts?


I have had enough with media these days, and it is not about same sex, but mostly about promotion of bad behavior and general disrespect to other people that my kids exposed from TV programs. I just pull the cord from Cable provider and just left internet. Much easier to control what they watch via Netflix and YouTube. 
But that just me.


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## Shoto1984

I understand completely. I cringe at some of the thing things that come up on what should be relatively safe programming.


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## Steve1000

life_huppens said:


> I have had enough with media these days, and it is not about same sex, but mostly about promotion of bad behavior and general disrespect to other people that my kids exposed from TV programs..


I think our parents said the same thing in the 1970s and 80s, and 90s.


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## life_huppens

Steve1000 said:


> I think our parents said the same thing in the 1970s and 80s, and 90s.


Yes, perhaps they said the same things, but now look at the steady decline of morale and values in our civilization.


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## Maneo

People have been talking about the decline of civilization since the recorded beginning of civilization.


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## soccermom2three

I have an aunt that is a lesbian, an uncle and his partner that have been together longer than my husband and I, two gays cousins, (one is a drag queen) and a 2nd cousin that is gay. I've never had to deal with this issue with my kids. All they see is people that love them.


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## Holland

I have always been really open to answering the kids questions and always in an age appropriate way. They make an observation or ask a question, I answer it in basic terms and then ask if they want any more info or discussion. While young they were always happy with really simple answers. As they get older they actually get a lot more info from their peers and will ask me for clarification if needed. We have open communication.

Their dad on the other hand is uptight about a lot of issues and consequently they come to me instead to discuss things even if they are at his house they will call or txt me instead of talking to him. Make of that what you will but to me it speaks volumes about parenting................. be open, honest and non judgmental, don't cloud your discussion with your own prejudices and keep it age appropriate.


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## Shoto1984

Holland said:


> don't cloud your discussion with your own prejudices


Just to be provocative, I'm thinking this is where the rubber meets the road on this. ie where the lines are between moral beliefs, experience in attaining a happy/healthy life, culturalism and prejudice lay.


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## Holland

Shoto1984 said:


> Just to be provocative, I'm thinking this is where the rubber meets the road on this. ie where the lines are between moral beliefs, experience in attaining a happy/healthy life, culturalism and prejudice lay.


I understand it is a difficult situation. Will give a different eg, I am an Atheist of Jewish/Catholic parents that both renounced their religions and I am very thankful that they did as we were not brainwashed as kids.
So when the topic of religion comes up I say to mine that everyone has different beliefs, they have the right to those beliefs and when you (my kids) are old enough you are free to make your own decisions on religion. 

With issues that there is no right or wrong IMHO this is the best way to approach it, give unbiased information but do not brainwash. Things that are absolutes such as it is wrong to steal, murder, bully other people then it is easy to instill good moral ethics.


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## One2One

We've always been open with things with our kids (11 and 8).
They know about gay marriage, they don't know about gay sex because they've never asked about it.
We explain things age appropriate. 

I want my kids to understand and accept, it would crush me if they grew up to be homophobic because they didn't understand and because they thought ill of it etc.


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## NobodySpecial

life_huppens said:


> Yes, perhaps they said the same things, but now look at the steady decline of *morale *and values in our civilization.


I wonder if there is a correlation between the decline in morals and the education about the English language.


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## life_huppens

NobodySpecial said:


> I wonder if there is a correlation between the decline in morals and the education about the English language.


Could be, but then again, it is not just related to one specific country, in my humble opinion.


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## NobodySpecial

life_huppens said:


> Could be, but then again, it is not just related to one specific country, in my humble opinion.


I wonder if the decline in values is related to ignorance in any language.


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## life_huppens

NobodySpecial said:


> I wonder if the decline in values is related to ignorance in any language.


Might as well, time will tell.


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## C3156

Maneo said:


> People have been talking about the decline of civilization since the recorded beginning of civilization.


Ask the Romans how it went for them...similar decline in morals & values


Back to the point, keep it simple for the kids. They are not ready for in-depth explanations yet. I did not have a choice as my children's mother decided to pursue a lesbian lifestyle after our divorce. Her partner and friends are nice people, does not mean I like it.

As for the programming, I am personally tired of being bombarded with all the alternative lifestyles that seem to be so popular. Am I closed minded? Probably. But I feel there is a reason that there are men and women.


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## arbitrator

FrenchFry said:


> Yep, keeping it simple is our tactic.
> 
> I dunno, I find kids remarkably flexible in this area (or maybe just mine.)


*Kids are certainly not anywhere near as uptight as their parents are! And that's a good thing!

If they're willing to learn the fine art of "uptightness," then they can do that on their own nickel!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Anon Pink

C3156 said:


> Ask the Romans how it went for them...similar decline in morals & values
> 
> 
> Back to the point, keep it simple for the kids. They are not ready for in-depth explanations yet. I did not have a choice as my children's mother decided to pursue a lesbian lifestyle after our divorce. Her partner and friends are nice people, does not mean I like it.
> 
> As for the programming, I am personally tired of being bombarded with all the alternative lifestyles that seem to be so popular. Am I closed minded? Probably. But I feel there is a reason that there are men and women.



Unusual is interesting TV. 

I'm sorry your wife hurt you so much, I'm sure that was a very difficult thing to go through. But when I hear people make connections between the popularity of alternative lifestyles and deciding to be gay I always wonder, do you think your wife wouldn't be gay if alternative lifestyles were not popular? Do you really think her being a lesbian was something she chose? Like she woke up some morning and felt her life was too drab and predictable so she decided to become gay to spice it up? Do you really believe that?


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## Shoto1984

Anon Pink said:


> Unusual is interesting TV.
> 
> But when I hear people make connections between the popularity of alternative lifestyles and deciding to be gay I always wonder, do you think your wife wouldn't be gay if alternative lifestyles were not popular? Do you really think her being a lesbian was something she chose? Like she woke up some morning and felt her life was too drab and predictable so she decided to become gay to spice it up? Do you really believe that?


It will be interesting to hear C3's response but I think all of the possibilities you mention are possible and do occur.


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## Anon Pink

Shoto1984 said:


> It will be interesting to hear C3's response but I think all of the possibilities you mention are possible and do occur.


Yes, they occur in jail and in residential treatment facilities for troubled youth. It's called " Gay for the Stay." Other than that, it's called bisexuality.


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## richardsharpe

Good evening
I remember learning about homosexuality when I was probably 8. I heard about people being gay at school - used as an insult in those days. So I asked my parents what it meant since I had other boys as friends did that mean I was gay?

My mother freaked out - eventually mutter that my father should explain.

My father got all flustered but finally said something to the effect of "being gay is when you aren't just friends but um kiss each other and stuff". 

My response was...."OK". A that age anyone kissing anyone got a generic "yucky" reaction - didn't seem like a big deal either way.

Finally when I first got to college I was sitting with some friends when someone mentioned that one of them was gay. I remember about 5 seconds of surprise / calculation: I'd never met anyone who claimed to be gay before. It was something like:

"Huh - he's gay. That's strange, I didn't know gay people actually existed - I thought it was just a generic insult. I guess they do exist. So is it bad - I don't see how. Seems like an OK guy. Besides, that's one less guy trying to date the very limited number of women here...."


Overall - I think both children and adults are really not very shocked by homosexuality.


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## Shoto1984

Anon Pink said:


> Yes, they occur in jail and in residential treatment facilities for troubled youth. It's called " Gay for the Stay." Other than that, it's called bisexuality.


Yes, I've heard of bisexuality....thanks. 

I've read here on TAM that your orientation is genetic and that we know our orientation at a young age (middle schoolish) So when a person marries someone of the opposite sex acting Hetero and then dumps the marriage years later and goes ****. When were they lying? When they got married or when they left?


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## frusdil

Rowan said:


> LOL!
> 
> When my son was about 6, a lesbian couple I'm friends with were expecting their first child. He asked if Miss Kate and Miss Dani's baby would have a daddy. I just told him that some grown people fall in love with people of the opposite sex - like me and his daddy - while others fall in love with people of the same sex - like Miss Kate and Miss Dani, or Mr. Neil and Mr. Will (a gay couple we know). So, he has a mommy and a daddy, but Kate and Dani's baby would have two mommies.
> 
> *He actually thought that sounded like a very unfair deal, because their baby would have two mommies to make cookies. He seemed very indignant about someone potentially getting cookies twice as often as he did himself.....
> *


That is the cutest thing I've ever read


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## ReptarGirl

Any discomfort you feel over this topic comes from your lack of understanding and exposure to it. Educate and involve yourself and your questions and fears regarding your children's exposure will fade away.


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## Anon Pink

Shoto1984 said:


> Yes, I've heard of bisexuality....thanks.
> 
> I've read here on TAM that your orientation is genetic and that we know our orientation at a young age (middle schoolish) So when a person marries someone of the opposite sex acting Hetero and then dumps the marriage years later and goes ****. When were they lying? When they got married or when they left?



These are all good discussions, points of understanding and clarification.

As it was explained to me, some kids experience attraction or crushes pretty early in life. My gay friend from high school said he knew he was different in the second grade because he had a crush on his bud driver, a male. Where as other people, like my daughter who is a lesbian, experience intense friend draws. She explained that she was drawn to a girl here or there but she didn't equate those feelings with sexuality. It wasn't until she was out of college that she came to terms with the fact that her intense feeling toward a particular girl was indeed a sexual/romantic attraction. 

So in answer to your question, they were lying to themselves because they didn't know or were in denial that they were ****'s and not hetero's. 

Also, keep in mind that even when kids have crushes it's not usually a sexual crush. They're not usually thinking about that other person naked. They're thinking fantastical romantic type scenarios. It's not until much later in the teen years do "some" but not all of those crushes become sexually based.

I don't know C31's story. But if his wife left him for another woman, she was either bi, or had been in denial.

Now you've just been slighted educated about how homosexuality begins to evidence itself. Do you feel any urges to get naked with a man? Have I influenced you to turn gay because we've talked about being gay?


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## Shoto1984

Anon Pink said:


> Now you've just been slighted educated about how homosexuality begins to evidence itself. Do you feel any urges to get naked with a man? Have I influenced you to turn gay because we've talked about being gay?


Well yes since being slighted educated  I've been looking at the men around the office in a whole new light. Hmmmm, do I risk a search of "men in speedos" on a work computer...?

I think most people have your daughter's experience or something along the lines of the scenarios you describe. But I do think there is a percentage of people who are metaphorically lost and looking to be taken in by some tribe.


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## Anon Pink

Shoto1984 said:


> Well yes since being slighted educated  I've been looking at the men around the office in a whole new light. Hmmmm, do I risk a search of "men in speedos" on a work computer...?


Alright! Another toaster oven for me!

Damn auto correct. 



> I think most people have your daughter's experience or something along the lines of the scenarios you describe. *But I do think there is a percentage of people who are metaphorically lost and looking to be taken in by some tribe*.


I guess that's possible but I don't think it's very likely to be the LGBTQ community that takes them in. Those who are lost and seeking tribe affiliation aren't going to alter their sexuality into something that doesn't fit them. Most commonly it's the other way around. People try to fit in as a hetero when they are actually a ****.

I have a cousin who was wildly sexually promiscuous in his youth. Good looking, driven, ambitious man, very intelligent with a wicked sense of humor. He had relationships with men, with women...he never discriminated.  

He is now happily married to a man and they have a son they adopted.


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## JustTired

My cousin is getting married to her long time GF next year in April. Since she lives back home in Puerto Rico, we couldn't attend her engagement party she had last week. So I showed my 4 year old daughter the pictures of my cousin & her now fiancée. I told my DD that next year we are traveling for their wedding. My 4 year old's response was: "Mommy, they're getting married like you & daddy? Yay! It's going to be a party!" Since she didn't ask me any other questions, I left it at that!


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## Marriedplustwo

I haven't ever thought of that as an issue. I grew up and live in a neighborhood where same sex couples are everywhere and it never crossed my mind that someone would consider censorship of that sort of thing. I don't see why you'd need to, but that's just me. I accept it. Two people love each other and sometimes it's two men or two women,they are still people and free to love who they choose. I think it's great when our youth grow up exposed, they become more accepting. It's when we are sheltered and don't understand that we judge.


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