# What does this sound like to you?



## AZMOMOFTWO (Jun 30, 2008)

A year ago I found out my H was cheating on me. Towards the end there were obvious signs but for about 6 months he gave no clue. That makes me realize how well he can lie to me. 

I know he can get away with it, and if nothing else could probably do so better today since he overlooked one important thing. Left his computer and email open and deleted everything but his sent box which is where I found proof of his affair. He now deletes everything on a regular basis. Why do that now if nothing to hide? 

I can get in to his email but its not like he makes his password a big secret so he knows I can, not sure if he knows I do. But what is there to find if he deletes then dumps trash and he has an iphone so does it as soon as he gets it. 

He sent a message the other day to a recipient that I've never seen and it had subject line of "What?" but no message. I just thought that strange and obviously its not to a customer and i know all his friends. Am I jumping to conclusions to think she emailed him a message or called him and said she wanted to talk to him and he sent her a message back or is it just too little to go on at all?

I'd ask him but 1) he'd know I check his email and I don't want him to know 2) how would I believe him? He could tell me the truth but how do I know if its a lie. 

I really hate this lack of trust and its getting so old. I just wonder if its a fairytale to have someone who I can have 100% trust with and who loves me with his whole heart. Can it be him? I don't know I just keep thinking once a cheater always one and how could he love me heart and soul and do what he did. What changed, suddenly now I'm the most important thing when a year ago he wanted out. 

What if he decided to stay with me because he didn't want to go through a divorce, lose his business (I help run it) and not see his kids as often as he wanted. Maybe I just represent security to him and he loves that not me?


----------



## Tim (Mar 24, 2009)

AZMOMOFTWO said:


> A year ago I found out my H was cheating on me. Towards the end there were obvious signs but for about 6 months he gave no clue. That makes me realize how well he can lie to me.
> 
> I know he can get away with it, and if nothing else could probably do so better today since he overlooked one important thing. Left his computer and email open and deleted everything but his sent box which is where I found proof of his affair. He now deletes everything on a regular basis. Why do that now if nothing to hide?
> 
> ...


#1 No trust means no relationship. This is a one way relation at this point and you are his slave.

#2 he hasn't done anything to earn your trust back because if he had you wouldn't feel this suspicious. He can't just demand trust from you. This is what my wife did and its just not how it works. He needs to humble himself. If he isn't doing this then he is just stringing you along and has other intentions.

#3 The email thing is exactly what my wife did too. Her email was always left open on her computer and just like your husband's password, her password was no secret. So she knew I could check...and it was always clean. Actually, the weird thing was how she always checked it yet there was no apparent activity.

#4 This is ridiculous. You two are adults. If you are stooping yourself to this level, its time to have a talk. Tell him why you are doing what you are doing. If he just uses that against you and gets mad, then it means he is blame shifting and has been waiting to make this your fault. Its a cheaters way of clearing their conscience. If this is the case, grow up and end this because its childish bull**** at this point.


----------



## voivod (Aug 7, 2008)

az...
what happened to living transparently (him)????


----------



## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

AZMOMOFTWO said:


> What if he decided to stay with me because he didn't want to go through a divorce, lose his business (I help run it) and not see his kids as often as he wanted. Maybe I just represent security to him and he loves that not me?


I hate to say it, but this is a possibility. I lived a year with this mind set going on. My hubby wanted a divorce in 2006 (yeah, he was cheating). He even had the divorce papers drawn up--but not served. I was devastated and he was having second thoughts. At some point during 2007 he even told me he had to have me around as a partner for the children and as a business partner. Well, the cheating was still going on and I was growing angrier by the day. I finally hired a PI in early 2008 and got to bottom of his other life. It made me sick! If you have doubts and can afford it, I strongly recommend a PI. You will have a peace of mind then--you'll know exactly what the hubby is doing.


----------



## Sandy55 (Jun 3, 2009)

Ever heard of "Cheaper to Keep Her"?

Where a long term couple doesn't get divorced because the divorce will cost the man more than just staying put. 

If he divorces her, she gets a lot of his wealth, so the man hides the OW, and a second life. The wife is confused half the time as he runs hot and cold, trying to keep wife from divorcing him, but not keeping her happy, either.


----------



## raising5boyz (Nov 8, 2008)

Honestly...this sounds too much like how I feel right now. My H is being completely transparent as far as I know, but he was so convincing and such a good liar that I don't know if I will EVER believe him. In our situation too, there is a business involved. 

I guess I don't know what to say. You posted on my thread too, I think we are both in the same fog and confusion.

Have you requested that he stop deleting everything? If you have his password to his email account there may be a way to foward all messages to your email account. He wouldn't even know in less he checks his account settings frequently. Might be worth looking into. 

My hubby too has a phone that has internet access. It drives me crazy, and is going to come to an ultimatim. He blocks internet access on his phone or he can go on his way.


----------

