# Rich Boy/Poor Girl, Asian Massage Parlors, and Mental Illnesses



## woolgather (Aug 17, 2013)

Hi,

My husband and I are working on our relationship, but do not live together. It is a rocky relationship and I feel like it is a very h.s.-like relationship, so I really think of him as my BF at this point. I expect you all to make your judgments about that in particular. But here is what I have a problem with now.

My boyfriend comes from a family with a lot of money. They are not flashy about it, but they are definitely very cushy in their life. His parents are great people, and I am happy for them.
The problem is my BF/H--he has a mental illness and with that comes a spotty work history (he is 33). He does not hold jobs. His father pays rent, car--everything. I would say typical monthly expenses are about $3k a month from his father. Fine. He needs the help.

I on the other hand comes from a very poor family. My mom (single mother) receives government assistance now because of disabilities. I recently graduated, having had to take out loans and am having great trouble securing a job. We are as poor as they come, with essentially no annual income (everything is government subbed; my mother worked exceptionally hard before her disability--so don't judge. She made minimum wage for many years. But we were always poor).

Anyway, aside from the fact that I feel nferior to his family, I resent my BF for pissing his $$$ away. I recently found out that while we were living together he paid for a hand job happy ending at a massage parlor (went there just for that, not for a body massage, just to "get off" as he says--his reasoning? he "wanted to do something wrong and dirty"). This is nothing new to him; before he and I met he was living on coke and *****s (selling his jewelry and borrowing $$ he had no intention on paying back). I did see someone behind the ugliness and that is who I fell in love with.

I was very hurt to hear he had gone to an asian massage parlor, but I have come to accept it (by which I mean, I have stopped thinking it had something to do with me). Also that was his father's $$--so it's two-fold. But here is where the resentment begins--I feel like given his parents financial and emotional support, he should be in a much better place. I too have mental illness, and the hardship has been compounded by poverty. Because of this I have developed resilience. 

I feel like in strife I have succeeded, but in a cushy place he has failed.

I once read that contempt is the greatest predictor of a relationship that will fail. I believe contempt is the only way to describe this.

Also, he never seems to recognize that he has it so easy. He has known people his life that are millionaires, so to him he doesn't have a lot of money, which really bugs me considering my family is so dirt-poor.

I don't need any judgments on this relationship. Was it a marriage with a shaky foundation? Yes. But that is for another topic.

Edit:
How can I get over my resentment for his frivolous lifestyle?
Ans how can I trust him knowing that he went behind my back to pay for a sexual release?


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## Coffee Amore (Dec 15, 2011)

Is there a question here? I might have missed it, but I don't see what you want answered.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Your H does not have to do any better than he has been because his parents will always bail him out.

You have to do better because you have no one to bail you out.

It seems to me that in the end, you are better off than he because you feel responsible and do things to better your life.

Do you work to support yourself?


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## woolgather (Aug 17, 2013)

EleGirl said:


> Your H does not have to do any better than he has been because his parents will always bail him out.
> 
> You have to do better because you have no one to bail you out.
> 
> ...


No, I do not. I live with my mother and never have any pocket money. Currently I am beginning treatment for a mental illness, but I have great support and successful friends who are all seeing that I get through this and get a job.

I was very successful at my top 100 National University--I was in the top 5% of my class. I guess I feel like it is very unfair because I am very smart and capable but my mental illness (along with a dramatic relationship) has held me back recently.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

It sounds like your 'dramatic relationship' is only causing you problems and not really giving you much of anything. 

So.. perhaps you need to focus on yourself.


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