# A "Fast Recovery"



## Crane (Jun 4, 2012)

Members of my family have commented that I've taken this divorce pretty well, given the short amount of time it's been since it all went down. Even my future-ex seems a little perturbed by it.

But I can tell they're suspicious about what's really going on inside my head. I'm sure they think I'm sitting on some deep resevoir of anguish that has yet to erupt.

I can honestly say, though, that I don't think that's the case. I was married ten years and for most of the latter part of our marriage I was ready to get out. I resented my stbxw and her temper. I _knew_ there were people out there who wouldn't treat me that way. But I was committed to my kids and my vows.

Maybe when my ex pulled the trigger on our marriage she was doing us all a favor. 

Any of you guys ever felt this way? I know I can't be the only one.


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Oh, yeah. I think many of us stew in silence for years and once we're done? We're done.

I was that way. My H was also that way with his first marriage.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

People go through a grieving process for their marriage and the relationship just the same as they do for a loved one. It often goes through much the same stages. So like someone who has lost a loved one who has suffered through a long illness, once you get past the initial grief, there can be relief that the suffering for both of you is over.

C


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## brendan (Jun 1, 2011)

similar to me, only been seperated 6 months but fmaily friends think im coping real well, which i am. im happy.

of course have sad times though and stew over past


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

I was hit pretty hard for the first week of seperation, then I got my act together, gave it everything I had and then had one conversation with her where she said "You do realize we are not together anymore right?" and that was it. I have not missed her at all since then. That was after six seeks of separation. I think the last four years of our marriage was a long enough greiving period.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

It took me exactly 6 months to get over my marriage.My ex was always over it and i guess that helped me move on.why be stuck in the past? it's over.done.there's nothing you can do about it now.


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## papa5280 (Oct 12, 2011)

Yeah...mine was a situation where pulling the plug was probably the right thing for my STBXW and me, but not for the kids (at least not the way she walked away). I still grieve for the kids and all the added problems she caused them, that they are still fighting through.

But, in terms of the husband/wife relationship? Not much grieving to do there. It's inconvenient when there's things I would like to do that are better as a couple (going to a restaurant, movie, concert, etc.), but I really didn't enjoy her company much the past few years anyway, so it's not a big loss. 

Besides, this has given me the impetus to work on finding new friends with whom I can share interests. So, except for ripping my kids' worlds apart, it's all good.


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## Kathrynthegreat (Apr 23, 2012)

Yup, me too. We were married 11 years, but we both checked out of the actual marriage years ago and were basically living together as best buddies and room-mates. Once we got it out in the open it was a relief and we're doing much better now that we've openly acknowledged that we are friends and part-time roommates (he's in the process of moving out). We're being very kind to each other through the whole process. He's dating and I have no problem with it.


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## worrieddad (Nov 3, 2011)

Crane said:


> Any of you guys ever felt this way? I know I can't be the only one.


I feel the same...in fact as the days go by (it's close to 8 months since "D-Day"...wow how that's flown) I feel it even more. One of the the reasons for that is she seems to have shown no remorse whatsoever...now my thoughts are more along the lines of "Why did I waste my time with her in the first place".

I wouldn't say I'm having a fast recovery though (although at times I've acted or pretended like I was...I see that for what it is now). It's not even as though I'd even want to get back together right now....it's more to do with the destruction of a nuclear family, and how it will affect my daughter. That is what really bothers me...I just have a hard time thinking someone can just throw that away like its nothing. To expand on that point, this whole thing has caused a serious re-wiring of my brain as regards what marriage, commitment, compromise and devotion means. One of my life "bubbles" has really been burst badly, and at least at current time my heart is wearing a coat of armor - it'll be a while before that softens I think.


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## Crane (Jun 4, 2012)

worrieddad said:


> One of my life "bubbles" has really been burst badly, and at least at current time my heart is wearing a coat of armor - it'll be a while before that softens I think.


Yeah. I'm with you on that.

I've seen a few girls but just for fun and games. The second one of them starts giving me love vibes I'll probably be hiding in a bunker.


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

I'm not trying to bring you down but it does go in cycles. The divorce process sucks! Sometimes I think men have easier time moving on for some reason.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## worrieddad (Nov 3, 2011)

diwali123 said:


> Sometimes I think men have easier time moving on for some reason.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I don't know about that....reading around the 'net, the consensus seems to be that women are more likely to console with their friends, family etc, where men are more apt to turn inwards on themselves.

Personally, I think it can go either way - and it all depends on the factors, i.e. who is the dumper/dumpee, was it a shock/anticipated, who has more friends and family in the area, the most stable job, different personality types, different views of marriage as a commitment etc etc etc. All that and more considered, I reckon it's gender neutral and more dependent on those factors.


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## hunter411 (Jun 4, 2012)

Good post Crane, 
Im with you on this one even though I had an A-bomb dropped on me out of nowhere. I think the advantage I have is I have been through this once before (from a marriage that should have never happened to begin with). I just realize there are things you can control and things you cant. I dont want to chase someone who doesnt want to be married to me. I guess I have just reached this point faster than everyone expected because of how absolutely destroyed I was when it first started. I wont just be ok, I will be better. I have a lot of things going on in my life right now that are very positive. There is no doubt in my mind she will and already has started to regret her decision. Too little, too late.... its time to live with the choices you make.


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