# Wife leaving while pregnant



## TheGuy32 (Dec 8, 2013)

I am not completely sure why I am posting here, but I am probably looking for advise, insights or anything really during this confusing time of mine. Here goes...

We are both in our early thirties and have been together for 13 years and been married for 7 years. We have a daughter together at the age of 3. A year before we got our daughter we moved into a house together. Our relationship has not been characterized by stormy passion, rather a deep calmer love. We both feel it has been a good relationship. However, my wife has has been missing some passion and romance on my side and I have been missing more sexuality on her part. We have tried to address these problems from time to time, but haven't really gotten us anywhere. 

Regardless, in a way we have built the perfect family. Both good jobs, house, cars and a daughter we both love so much. This perfect family has by far mostly been my wifes dream. Of course I love my daughter, and would never be without her, but you know what I mean. Recently my wife has put heavy pressure on me to make another baby with her. I was hesitant at first as I just felt the workload after the first one was lifting, but it appeared a good idea to let our daughter experience the joys of being an old sister. So I agreed. She is now 3 months pregnant. 

2 weeks ago she was at a party at work. She got home really late that night and I felt she was emotionally distancing herself from me in the days following that. I sat down and had a talk with her about it, and it turned out she had been kissing a collegue she works closely with. I was very calm thinking these things happen and not overly concerned. However, my concern quickly grew as I learned that he had finally been able to give her what she had been missing all these years and she had no intentions of stopping it. The day following that she had arranged for a social gathering for her collegues at our house at which he was going to be there as well. My take was that he should at least have enough decency to stay our of my house. My wife insisted that it was a work event and if I caused any trouble my hopes of fixing this would be gone. Shell shocked I had to meet him and even shake his hand. I immidiately setup an appointment with a therapist and were sent home with the task to really figure out each individually whether we wanted this relationship.

Now a week later it is becoming increasingly clear that my wife doesn't. She wants the family unit and all the niceties being with me provides, but flat out said she wasn't attracted to me in a sexual way and hadn't been for a long time. She calls and texts him, go to his house etc. I guess he gives her what I don't.

Now, I don't wanna paint the wrong picture of my wife. She is a great mom to our daughter. No denying that. I just really don't know what to make of this situation. I think what was going to be one of the happiest times for all of us, has been completely ruined by this. Any input appreciated.


----------



## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

You have no hope of repairing your marriage while the other guy is in the picture. So if you want to fix things, you need to expose the affair far and wide. To work, family, mutual friends...

You may also want to read up on the "Married Mans Sex Life Primer" and "No More Mr. Nice Guy". If not for this relationship, for your next. Your post reeks (no offence intended) of "beta male" and your wife having no respect for you. If you don't address that, you risk having that becoming an ongoing theme in your life and future relationships.

C


----------



## lisab0105 (Oct 26, 2011)

Your wife needs a good bi*ch slap. You CAN'T let her carry on an affair right under your freaking nose. Don't give her the life she wants. Give yourself the life you signed up for and if she doesn't want the same things anymore, than you file for divorce. I would be wondering if that baby she is carrying is in fact yours.


----------



## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Btw, get a DNA test for the new child...

C


----------



## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

Sigh, a kiss means she had sex with him, cheaters script.

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/32002-welcome-tam-cwi-newbies-please-read.html
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

It's a bit unusual for a woman to make plans to leave while pregnant. That's a vulnerable time.....makes me wonder what else is going on.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## TheGuy32 (Dec 8, 2013)

Could be that they had sex and that she's just sugar coating it. But then again, who has sex with a pregnant woman?? Or what pregnant woman with a child she was pushing for herself 3 months ago has sex with someone else?? The whole thing seems so odd to me and not making any sense. 

About not letting her have an affair under my nose, if it's going towards divorce, does it then really matter? The initiative must be coming from her. I don't want to control her back in to the marriage. So far it just really seems to point towards divorce. I have just been trying to deal with that situation. 

Regarding beta-male/nice guy, then that's probably correct to a large extent. It doesn't sound flattering but probably true. I am a very nice and understanding guy and things might have to change if it leads to this kind of ****.


----------



## Stronger-now (Oct 31, 2013)

TheGuy32 said:


> I sat down and had a talk with her about it, and it turned out she had been kissing a collegue she works closely with.* I was very calm thinking these things happen and not overly concerned. *
> 
> The day following that she had arranged for a social gathering for her collegues at our house at which he was going to be there as well. My take was that he should at least have enough decency to stay our of my house. My wife insisted that it was a work event and *if I caused any trouble my hopes of fixing this would be gone*. *Shell shocked I had to meet him and even shake his hand.*
> 
> Now a week later it is becoming increasingly clear that my wife doesn't. *She wants the family unit and all the niceties being with me provides, but flat out said she wasn't attracted to me in a sexual way and hadn't been for a long time. She calls and texts him, go to his house etc. I guess he gives her what I don't.*


Why weren't you concerned? Did you think it was okay for your wife to "kiss" another man? Seriously?

Let me get this straight, not only your wife is cheating on you, she is cheating on you right under your nose, and she also TELLS you how you should react to her promiscuity?? WOW. Just wow. 

If it were me, THERE IS NO WAY IN HELL I would let someone that my spouse is cheating with come to MY house INVITED by my spouse. Forget shaking her hand, I would call the police on her for trespassing. I would most probably go ballistic. 

And yea..DNA the unborn child before you sign the birth certificate. Your wife has some balls, she doesn't even bother to sneak around. She is conducting her affair right in the open, and tells you that you are not to leave her. But you know what? You have options. You can choose not to accept to be cuckolded like this and divorce her. Puhlease. You are a grown up, who the hell does she think she is to tell you that you must accept this? You don't have to, man. Wake up! 

The fact that you have to be told that you don't have to accept her promiscuity is a serious concern. It should be your instinct, you should feel angry to be treated so disrespectfully like this.


----------



## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

She's could had the affair for a longer time than her pregnancy.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## TheGuy32 (Dec 8, 2013)

All of you have some very good points. Maybe I just have to wake up. Everything has just happened so fast. I go from looking forward to the baby one day, to be thinking about a divorce the next. I didn't wanna make any rash decisions here over something I in the beginning thought of kind of silly. Now I am starting to see it being more malignant than what I initially thought. 

Her latest idea is that we can stay living together while she is pregnant and right after the baby is born, so I get to be around that (probably while she continues to see the other guy). I wanted a part of that experience, but not thinking I want it like this! The other guy is also talking about that he'll be there and help her out (not in our house but if she moved out). 

This is so messed up.


----------



## Graywolf2 (Nov 10, 2013)

If you let her treat you like that you will hate yourself forever. If you were a woman, would you want a man who shook the other man’s hand?

Shock the crap out her and show her this isn’t a game. Tell her you are filing for divorce and that you need to know who the father is in order to enjoy the pregnancy and bond with the child as it develops.

Tell her you want prenatal (before your child’s birth) DNA testing. All you need is a blood sample from you and your wife and poses no risk to the baby. It costs about $2000, but just the threat of it could cause her to come clean.

SNP Microarray: Unlike amniocentesis, a non-invasive prenatal paternity test does not require a needle inserted into the mother’s womb. The SNP microarray procedure uses new technology that involves preserving and analyzing the baby’s DNA found naturally in the mother’s bloodstream. The test is accurate, 99.9%, using a tiny quantity of DNA — as little as found in a single cell.


----------



## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Stop letting her black mail you!

She totally cuckolded you by making you meet and shake the OM hand. her disrespect is uncandidly and both the OM and your cheating wife loved playing this game with you. You may as well cleaned up after them.

Show some self respect and stop begging for a marriage your cheating wife doesn't want.

And one more thing.
A good mother does not break up the family unit by having an affair.

Sorry bro you are trying to compete with new love and it just doesn't work, you can't win.

So stop trying to nice your way through this cuckold crap you wife is pulling on you.

Until you have the confidence to let your old lady go she will never ever think twice in what she is about to lose...she has your number brother and you ain't going anywere.

I bet the both of them have a good laugh about you raising the OM's kid.


----------



## Willowfin (Jan 2, 2012)

This is sick - I am guessing you are still in shock. Why would this guy be so willing to take on a child that isn't his? I would do as much snooping as you can to try and find out how long this has been going on. (Checking bank accounts, any of her work colleagues you can reach out to?) Chances are it's been longer than you think and the picture will become clearer then. 
Do you think there could be a small possibility that she could have been already pregnant (by this guy) when she started asking you 
about baby number 2?


----------



## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

Why would a man hang around to be there for a married pregnant woman he just kissed?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## verpin zal (Feb 23, 2013)

Inland, I think it's time we hug each other and cry our eyes out.

Previously on Beta: The showdown at Starbucks.. And yet this week's most prominent headlight: OM handshake at the marital house.

God - Lord - Allah in the high whom I didn't believe in since I was 15, deliver us. Better yet, deliver HIM.

OP: You need to tell her that a wife is not allowed to have a boyfriend on the side. Her only boyfriend is you. That's a universal law. If she insists on having a boyfriend, she doesn't get to have you. It's a fair trade-off, wouldn't you say?

DNA and STD tests are good, you should go for them.

Especially STD, I would bet my bottom dollar that no rubber was used, with her saying "I'm preggers anyway". Extramarital affairs do have a funny tendency to be unprotected. Keep that in mind.


----------



## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

It appears the Om finally made a commitment and now she woks on you by being distant and cuckolding you.

Shes telling her self.." what else can I do to this pathitic guy to get him to leave"..

Just let her go...

This is an exit affair..

You have been replaced...

Once you can come to term with this then you can start protecting your self from the emotional torture and work on your self to be a even better father to your kid.

Dude you are in plane crash, put the oxygen mask on your self first and then put it on your daughter.


----------



## sidney2718 (Nov 2, 2013)

TheGuy32 said:


> Could be that they had sex and that she's just sugar coating it. But then again, who has sex with a pregnant woman?? Or what pregnant woman with a child she was pushing for herself 3 months ago has sex with someone else?? The whole thing seems so odd to me and not making any sense.


Red flag! Lots of folks have sex with pregnant women. Especially if they've gotten them pregnant. Most OB/GYNs these days allow sex up to fairly close to full term. The takeaway, as someone already noted, is to do a DNA check on the child when it is born. That's a horrible thing to say, but it would explain a lot.



> About not letting her have an affair under my nose, if it's going towards divorce, does it then really matter? The initiative must be coming from her. I don't want to control her back in to the marriage. So far it just really seems to point towards divorce. I have just been trying to deal with that situation.


Are you simply accepting that it is heading for divorce? Will you fight to gain her back? Basically, reading your OP, there were warnings there that your marriage was in trouble. Did you act on any of them.



> Regarding beta-male/nice guy, then that's probably correct to a large extent. It doesn't sound flattering but probably true. I am a very nice and understanding guy and things might have to change if it leads to this kind of ****.


Forget the alpha beta stuff. For many alpha = bully, beta = wimp. I doubt you are either.

But I don't understand the "things *might* have to change if it leads to this kind of ****" It has ALREADY led to that kind of thing.

She is likely being honest with you, the excitement has gone out of your marriage. You've seen how she can get excitement back. You've got to do several things: 1) remind her of all the good things you two have together, including a daughter, 2) try somehow to get the excitement back by first finding out what she considers exciting. And 3) Let her know that this isn't a game. That the final curtain will come down on this play if the situation isn't fixed.

Sorry to sound harsh, but this situation looks like it can be saved IF you act now, not in February.


----------



## Graywolf2 (Nov 10, 2013)

*Prenatal (before your child’s birth) DNA testing. All you need is a blood sample from you and your wife and poses no risk to the baby. It costs about $2000, but just the threat of it could cause her to come clean.*



TheGuy32 said:


> Recently my wife has put heavy pressure on me to make another baby with her. I was hesitant.:scratchhead:





TheGuy32 said:


> M wife has been missing some passion and romance on my side and I have been missing more sexuality on her part. We have tried to address these problems from time to time, but haven't really gotten us anywhere.


*Did she suddenly sex you up and then abruptly stop after she announced she was pregnant?* 




TheGuy32 said:


> But then again, who has sex with a pregnant woman?? Or what pregnant woman with a child she was pushing for herself 3 months ago has sex with someone else?? The whole thing seems so odd to me and not making any sense.:scratchhead:


*I had great sex with my wife when she was pregnant because it was MY kid. I bet right now she’s being faithful to the baby’s father.*

*Get the test man. *:banghead:


----------



## Janky (Nov 26, 2013)

This is one messed up story OP.

I have never known any guys would mess around with some girl that was already pregnant with another mans kid. EVER

You need to wrap your head around the possibility that this was going on way before she got pregnant, if you know what i mean.


----------



## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

Stop being so freaking nice to this woman. 

You might not be able to do anything to stop the affair, you may not be able to stop her from leaving, but you can safe yourself. 

Cut her off. Financially, emotionally, whatever it takes. Start preparing yourself for a life without this woman. See an attorney and file for divorce based on her infidelity.

Strongly consider the possibility that this child isn't yours. That would be your only lucky break of this whole situation. 

I know it's easy for me to type this stuff out and a lot tougher for you to implement it. But what are your options? Share your wife and child with some other guy?


----------



## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

From the out side looking in..here is what I see;

I kissed a guy and my husband tolorates it.

I make my husband meet the man I kissed and my husbands home and he tolorates it

I make my husband shake the hand of the man that was just down my pants and her tolorates it.

I guess my husband tolorate anything I give him, I guess I'll be the one moving.


dude sorry for the heavy words of my bluntness but I only hope this 2x4 works and you change tactics and just let her go...who knows it might save your marriage once she sees the grass isn't greener and her husband has now started to command respect by no longer tolorating this disrepsect.


----------



## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

Janky said:


> This is one messed up story OP.
> 
> I have never known any guys would mess around with some girl that was already pregnant with another mans kid. EVER
> 
> You need to wrap your head around the possibility that this was going on way before she got pregnant, if you know what i mean.


One of my friends in college caught her boyfriend in a PA with a married, pregnant OW. Catching him in the act was bad enough, but she said seeing him getting a BJ from a 8 mo pregnant woman in their bed just added extra weird for her.

So yeah, I never doubt how weird the stories can get here.


----------



## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

larry.gray said:


> So yeah, I never doubt how weird the stories can get here.


Ya look at mine.

Now back to OP.
Three month prego isn't very long, most guys into this kind of thing like um a lot furture along.


----------



## TheGuy32 (Dec 8, 2013)

It does seem that going for divorce is the only workable solution atm. My prediction is that she'll come back crying at some point, but I am not sure I can be into her after this. In a way I hope that she'll just go be with this guy and the divorce thereby can be less messy. She wont be crying and screaming and her being happy means that she can be there for our daughter and the baby when that time comes. I'd rather not see her in a high stress situation while pregnant.


----------



## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Were do you plan on having her served?

Do this ASAP before she gets furthure along.

Being served just might bring her out of her fog, so ya I think your prediction is right on. Thats what usually happens.

She made this mess now clean it up.
If you wait in filling she will torture you to death and thats not at all good for your kid.

At the very least after she sees how serious you are by having her served she will at least have some respect for you.

I'm think if you wait you will continue to get the disrespect she has been dishing out for some time now. Plus the sooner you file the sooner she will start being nice...this will be under the advice from her lawyer...maybe.....

Having her served now will either releave the stress of now being able to be with OM or being nice in trying to win you back. Either way it will command some respect that you haven't had lately.


----------



## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

TheGuy32 said:


> It does seem that going for divorce is the only workable solution atm. My prediction is that she'll come back crying at some point, but I am not sure I can be into her after this. In a way I hope that she'll just go be with this guy and the divorce thereby can be less messy. She wont be crying and screaming and her being happy means that she can be there for our daughter and the baby when that time comes. I'd rather not see her in a high stress situation while pregnant.


Yes go ahead and file and inform your attorney that you insist on a DNA test.
Stop it!
If she gets stressed out it is HER fault not yours.
Do you want to pay for someone else's kid for 18 years while she lives with another man?


----------



## jim123 (Sep 29, 2012)

Make sure you disclose to everyone including her employer.


----------



## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

I still can't get over the crap in meeting and shaking the OM hand.
How could you stoop so low? What was her reaction? How was the interaction between her and the OM at the party in your house...was she rupping it your face?

This had to be the straw that broke the camels back?


----------



## TexDad034 (Oct 9, 2013)

PBear said:


> Btw, get a DNA test for the new child...
> 
> C


:iagree:


----------



## movin on (Jan 24, 2012)

He came into your home and you shaked his hand ?
Did I read that correctly ? 
Dude that is so wrong how could you possibly let yourself be owned by om like that?expose to employer now.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## TheGuy32 (Dec 8, 2013)

the guy said:


> I still can't get over the crap in meeting and shaking the OM hand.
> How could you stoop so low? What was her reaction? How was the interaction between her and the OM at the party in your house...was she rupping it your face?
> 
> This had to be the straw that broke the camels back?


It's true, it was not one of my proudest moments. I was furious with her that he had to come to our house. She insisted that it was a work thing and he should be able to come to that as well, which is rediculous. She told me that if I wanted there to be any chance of this working, I better not cause a scene or anything. It was at that point day 2 - very groggy from the punch out of nowhere the day before. Good thing was though, he felt very uncomfortable (red in his face), and didn't dare to maintain eye contact with me.


----------



## movin on (Jan 24, 2012)

TheGuy32 said:


> It's true, it was not one of my proudest moments. I was furious with her that he had to come to our house. She insisted that it was a work thing and he should be able to come to that as well, which is rediculous. She told me that if I wanted there to be any chance of this working, I better not cause a scene or anything. It was at that point day 2 - very groggy from the punch out of nowhere the day before. Good thing was though, he felt very uncomfortable (red in his face), and didn't dare to maintain eye contact with me.


I think you failed the sh!t test dude.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

TheGuy32 said:


> It's true, it was not one of my proudest moments. I was furious with her that he had to come to our house. She insisted that it was a work thing and he should be able to come to that as well, which is rediculous. She told me that if I wanted there to be any chance of this working, I better not cause a scene or anything. It was at that point day 2 - very groggy from the punch out of nowhere the day before. Good thing was though, he felt very uncomfortable (red in his face), and didn't dare to maintain eye contact with me.


That would have been a sure bet in getting rid or your cheating wife by beating the crap out of him in your living room infront of his coworkers.

But...having been there my self I can tell you this crap is never easy and sometimes we do sh1t we regret and it comes to show us how blind love really is and when these cases happen the only good thing to come out of it is finally see what our chicks have turned us into and the nessesity to bail.

I saw one of my old ladies OM (from years ago) last week at a job site, I wanted to shot him with my nail gun but I was so flustered and working with my son I had to stay cool ( plus the phucher was huge) I shot a nail in the wrong place and screwed up the job...lucky the owner was cool and let the plemish slide. Threw some wood dough over it and turned out OK. If that POS came up to me I would have missed fired my nail gun on his @ss
The POS knew whats what and didn't like all the tools I had in my work bags, plus the nail gun...the POS left pretty quick with his head down. Phuck him!!!

My point here bro is you are not alone.
Get stronger and work on your self
I does get better


----------



## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Thanks for letting me get that out that crap has bothered me since Monday.

Just remember we here at TAM have been there and done that so we are here for you....at least most of us are LOL


----------



## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

Sad to say---you have gone about this all wrong

You let your wife strong arm you into having to meet her lover, and allowing him into your home---work or no work---her lover DOES NOT COME INTO YOUR HOME FOR ANY REASON

You should have drawn a line in the sand---then and there

I don't know how much real effort the 2 of you put into solving your marital problems, of passion, and whatever else---you have to know 7 to 10 yrs into a mge passion does wane---but a mature kind of love kicks in---so her crap about what she is doing with this guy is just that so much crap

If you have any hope of keeping your family---you have to force her into stopping this now---you have one major tool---D/Threat of D---use it

Go to an atty, get a freebee consult, at the same time go on line, and go to your state's legal forms, print out the custody packet, and the D packet---let your wife know you had the consult, and leave the blank forms where she can find them

If this does not wake her up---then nothing will, and when the new baby comes, she will go---to and with her lover---nothing you can really do

One thing---do not ever, ever, ever---say your wife is a good mom---any mother who would break up her family, and treat her H, as you are being treated---is a horrible terrible mother---this so called wife and mother, is exposing your daughter to the next however many years of split homes---and lives filled with misery in the near future---for what--so she can have passion and sex with some sh*thead who would willingly break up a family

Instead of shaking that guys hand, you should have busted him on the nose, and escorted him from your home---( not the right way to do it, I know)

Anyway---put your foot down NOW, and draw your line in the sand---wife goes NC, and leaves her job---or mge. ends


----------



## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

Guy32

Can I give you some very basic advice.

Bend over right now.

Make a fist.

Punch yourself in the balls. Not once but twice.

Feel the burn. Feel the pain.

Because your wife is kicking you in the balls and you are not reacting like a man!

1. Go see an attorney. Explain the situation and get your questions answered about divorce. You need to get educated and quickly.

2. You never ever let your wife disrespect you again. She is sh!t testing you over and over. You are failing each time.

3. You serve her divorce papers at work. The same day you expose her affair to her family, friends and coworkers. You kill this affair. Screw her job.

4. If she wants to leave to go be with the OM let her. Protect your daughter.

5. Affairs and loss of feeling do not happen overnight. Get the new baby tested. This affair has been going on longer than you think.

6. Put a var in her car. Get inside her head and find out what is really going on and when they are getting together.

Whether you would reconcile or not holds no bearing. Kill the affair. Make life uncomfortable for both of them. Stop worrying about her stress while pregnant. She does not give a crap about your stress or well being.

Start treating her the way she treats you. Like crap.

Start going out so she cannot go to the OM. Make her be responsible.

And never, ever let the OM be in your presence. I would have degraded him in front of everybody right in your house. They all know what is going on and think you are being a ***** whose wife can push around.

Start getting it through your head.

Your wife is not the person you married. 
She is not a good woman. She is a cheater and liar.
She is not a good mother because she is only thinking of herself. Not you nor the kids. Born and unborn.

Take control of this debacle and clean up the mess she made.

Now.

Keep posting. And stop being a wuss.

HM


----------



## just got it 55 (Mar 2, 2013)

TheGuy32 said:


> Could be that they had sex and that she's just sugar coating it. But then again, who has sex with a pregnant woman?? Or what pregnant woman with a child she was pushing for herself 3 months ago has sex with someone else?? The whole thing seems so odd to me and not making any sense.
> 
> About not letting her have an affair under my nose, if it's going towards divorce, does it then really matter? The initiative must be coming from her. I don't want to control her back in to the marriage. So far it just really seems to point towards divorce. I have just been trying to deal with that situation.
> 
> Regarding beta-male/nice guy, then that's probably correct to a large extent. It doesn't sound flattering but probably true. I am a very nice and understanding guy and things might have to change if it leads to this kind of ****.


Time to be the Man you need to be.

Stop fvcking around and get this POS out of your life and marriage. Listen to the advice you are going to get here.


----------



## verpin zal (Feb 23, 2013)

TheGuy32 said:


> It's true, it was not one of my proudest moments. I was furious with her that he had to come to our house. She insisted that it was a work thing and he should be able to come to that as well, which is rediculous. She told me that if I wanted there to be any chance of this working, I better not cause a scene or anything. It was at that point day 2 - very groggy from the punch out of nowhere the day before. *Good thing was though, he felt very uncomfortable (red in his face), and didn't dare to maintain eye contact with me.*


Good. Yet inadequate.

What has he to fear?


----------



## jh52 (Apr 29, 2012)

My guess is she will be a mom of two - with each child having a different biological father. 

Good luck!


----------



## just got it 55 (Mar 2, 2013)

TheGuy32 said:


> It's true, it was not one of my proudest moments. I was furious with her that he had to come to our house. She insisted that it was a work thing and he should be able to come to that as well, which is rediculous. She told me that if I wanted there to be any chance of this working, I better not cause a scene or anything. It was at that point day 2 - very groggy from the punch out of nowhere the day before. Good thing was though, he felt very uncomfortable (red in his face), and didn't dare to maintain eye contact with me.


I think he was thinking something very different than how uncomfortable *he* was


----------



## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

TheGuy32 said:


> It's true, it was not one of my proudest moments. I was furious with her that he had to come to our house. She insisted that it was a work thing and he should be able to come to that as well, which is rediculous. She told me that if I wanted there to be any chance of this working, I better not cause a scene or anything. It was at that point day 2 - very groggy from the punch out of nowhere the day before. Good thing was though, he felt very uncomfortable (red in his face), and didn't dare to maintain eye contact with me.


Rather than beating yourself up about this one incident, make up your mind you're never going to do something like this again. You need to first realize she's treating you like a whipped dog, you're acting like a whipped dog, and take a personal inventory as to whether you've got what it takes to stop it.
Here's the bottom line my man. She told you you're no longer sexual attractive. Slinking around with your hat in your hand trying to show her you're still mesmerized by her no matter how much she kicks your azz ain't gonna make her start wetting her pants when hears your voice. The romance is over Dawg and it ain't coming back. Remember, she lost that loving feeling before the other man became her main squeeze.


----------



## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Do not move out of your home. Tell your wife it is time for her to get out when she is served.


----------



## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Print this post and give it to your wife. Also tell her the odds that two cheaters staying together for three years is one out of ten. Tell her to google infidelity statistics or do it yourself and print them for her too.

* Before you decide to leave. Read my story 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Let me tell you my story and hope you listen.

Me and my husband were married 16 years. We had 2 boys, 14 and 12. Financially we were good. We bought a fixer upper in a good location, that eventually became a great location. About 4 years into our marriage we came into an inheritance which allowed us to pay off our mortgage and fix up the home. So 4 years into our marriage we were pretty great. My husband had his job and I worked for a graphics design office. Life was good my husband had his hobbies, Elks club, ETC.

Some time over a year ago I felt like I was missing something from our marriage. I felt like I didn't have enough time or attention with my husband. He had his work and other things of interest but I was sort of on the side, or at least that is what I felt. I felt a bit silly complaining about it so I just let it go. It was a mistake.

During that time we ( me and my husband ) went to a neighbors party and I met a friend of a friend. He was nice man he had a business the next town over. We spoke a bit I didn't think much of it. He asked what I did and was interested in some work for his business. I gave him my work number and continued on with the party. 

Two days later I get a call from this man lets call him Jim. Jim wants some work done and we go over some ideas and prices, he then asks for my cell number. At first I was a bit hesitant but I gave it to him. I pretended it was for work, but I knew deep down it wasn't. He was a single man in his mid 40s like myself and my husband.

We began to talk and what started out as a emotional relationship went physical. We only meet a few times before I got caught about 4 or 5 months into it.

Of course my husband was furious with me as it brought up an old incident. When my second son was 6 months old I had an emotional affair via phone and text with a old high school boyfriend that came back to town for a short time. We went to counseling and it worked itself out. I admit it was really foolish and stupid of me. 

But now its different.

We contact a marriage counselor and we started counseling, unfortunately I kept in contact with Jim. You guys call that a fake reconciliation. I just couldn't give him up. I thought I loved him and he told me he loved me. 

I got caught twice during talking to Jim. The 2nd time was the straw that broke the camels back for my husband. I told my husband I was talking to a friend at work named carol who went through this as well, but in reality it was Jim. Understandably my husband blew his top since I was at home talking with Jim when he thought it was Carol. 

All along my husband kept telling me it was a fog that he was reading about here on this site and other place. That I didn't love Jim. Honestly I got a bit offended that he was telling me that I didn't know what love is. I loved my husband when I married him, I love my kids. 

The more he came at me to try to fix it, the more I ran away. I can tell you he honestly became a pest at trying to fix this. But he tried more then I did. But the longer I was there the more he annoyed me. 

I wanted to see Jim but I was stuck here with him. I knew my attitude wasn't the best with him. Anything he asked me would some how set me off.

Me and Jim talked about our future together, how much we loved each other. 

In the end I said those words I keep reading about here all the time. " I love you but I'm not in love with anymore." 

I know it killed my husband I could see it in his face, his whole body. But to me I felt I had to be strong for me and for even my husband. He deserved someone to love him as well. 

Why live this lie anymore I thought. 

Well Divorce isn't easy. I stayed in the extra bedroom as we drew up the paperwork. 

During this time my husband finally just stopped asking me to fix it. At first I was relieved that I didn't have to hear it anymore and I didn't have to keep breaking his heart every time as well. But part of me was a bit agitated that he was over me or was strong enough to fake it at least. I realized that I lost one of my anchors and this was happening. 

Again Jim kept reassuring me being by my side so I was strong.

My husband lost weight from the stress and then began going to the gym to work out. It was a noticeable change. He also seemed to be more in charge or more organized.

Well we signed the papers and he gave some last words expressing how disappointed he was with me. 

I moved into my new apartment and we did the customary every other weekend thing. 

As expected my kids would go over to now my Ex and Jim would come over on Friday, spend the night and we would be together all day Saturday. Basically like a new relationship acting like kids and making "love" all the time and all over the place.

Months went by my Ex meet someone. Fortunately for men in this day in age, Men usually can or do date younger women and of course this women was almost 10 years younger then me. Yes it annoyed me. 

Well reality started setting in about 7 months after I left. There isn't anything particular I can say started it. But I remember one time, one of sons was sick and I can tell that Jim was a bit annoyed that I kept him home and just let my other son go to his dads. He commented why couldn't my Ex handle it. 

It was those sorts of things that made me compare Jim to my EX and since Jim had no children I could see he just couldn't understand the bond between a parent and a child. 

It took about another 2 week before I can only call it the slap of reality set in. Me and Jim fell apart, he moved on. This "Fog" my Ex spoke about started to lift and I started saying what in the world did I do. 

I started reflecting back on the past year I began to cry uncontrollably. The one person in the world that would have done ANYTHING for me and I left him. It was only then did I understand what being married was and what being a family is. I should have done whatever I could to keep my family.

I was ashamed that I didn't see this earlier. That I didn't see that my family was worth more then this. That I was totally selfish. 

My husband kept telling me all of this, but it just sounded all crazy and silly. It just sounded like a man making excuses to get back together. 

Well now that I see and understand, I would see my Ex and I started having feeling for him. But I just didn't have the courage to say anything after all I did to him. How could I, plus he is with someone else now. 

I wait another 2 month its just about 9 1/2 months since I left and I finally convince him to come over to help out with something for the kids. I fix myself up and I pour my heart out to him. Something I never did in my life. I cried, I begged and apologized. 

What came next killed me. He told no, that he was sorry, but he couldn't risk the pain and that if he was going to take a chance of getting hurt it was with this new person in his life. 

He left and I cried for 2 weeks straight. I now knew what I put him through. What he felt those months ago. I wanted to die from the pain. I couldn't believe how I destroyed my family and the only man that loved me and understood me for all my faults and issues.

I went to therapy because I knew I needed the help. 

So today I came here to post this because my therapist felt it would be a way to heal and maybe I feel a bit better knowing I might help someone else out. To tell my story and hope that someone who might be on the fence would make the right choice to save their family.

I was a fool for not seeing this all for what it was. For not seeing that the one man that loved me was right in front of all this time. That I didn't fight for my marriage and my family. That I waited, when I should have ran back to him to tell him sorry. But I let my pride and fear get in my way. Maybe if I went sooner he would have changed his mind. I will never know now. 

Now instead of being with the person I truly love and that loved me. With the father of my children. The person that has been with me through thick and thin. 

Now I will have to compromise and settle for someone else that is not him. Its a harsh and bitter reality. I ruined my kids lives as well. 

So I hope this will help someone out. Today I see that short of some kind of abuse there is nothing worth giving up a family for.*


----------



## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Here is a link to the 180. Its copyrighted and can't be posted here on threat of death.

The Healing Heart: The 180

Read and follow this to the tee. the devil is in the details. Especially the "be cheerful part" but aloof. Spend a lot of time with your child.

Does her parents know what she is doing? Who have you told?

Yes you should have punched his lights out. That she made him come, and he did, makes him look more whipped than you.


----------



## movin on (Jan 24, 2012)

jh52 said:


> My guess is she will be a mom of two - with each child having a different biological father.
> 
> Good luck!


Maybe not. The om probably has been in the picture for a while
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

Call your wife's company HR dept, and tell them She is having an affair with the coworker.


----------



## TheFlood117 (Mar 24, 2013)

Nope. Divorce this woman. No hesitation. Just file for divorce. Do 180 and bang other chicks. That should just about do it. 

Side note- The ballzzzz on this woman, having you meet the OM. Who the fvck does that??? If my ex would have made me meet OM, I would have kicked the living sh!t outta him, dropped her on the spot, then bang her friends and maybe her sisters. 

Wow. Just wow, these cheating entitled wives are coming out of the wood work lately.

This is so much BS, and it just made me so mad. I am mad for you!!

Divorce. Divorce. Divorce. And DNA BOTH kids. 

And expose too, just for fun. Expose to everyone. Sounds like her Job might not like these too fraternizing. Methinks you drop a dime on her and him through their HR departments. 

Unbelievable.


----------



## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

Thound said:


> Call your wife's company HR dept, and tell them She is having an affair with the coworker.


Actually, in writing is much better. And it needs to be sent to multiple people so as to avoid it being swept under the rug. Those people should be the President, 2 VPs, HR, and immediate supervisors.

Here's a template...



> Developed by Brits Brat, board member at Marriage Builders and corporate attorney--
> 
> To Whom It May Concern:
> 
> ...


----------



## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Go see a lawyer...hell go see a dozen, the consultation is free and the ones you don't use can't represent your old lady. So go see all the good ones first.

Bottom line is you don't have a phucking clue in what your options are so go see some damn lawyers.

At the very least have some knowledge on were this *could * lead if you continue to D, then you know whats what.

Its time to get a few steps ahead of your old lady..that has to be very clear by now?


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

TheGuy32 said:


> I am not completely sure why I am posting here, but I am probably looking for advise, insights or anything really during this confusing time of mine. Here goes...
> 
> We are both in our early thirties and have been together for 13 years and been married for 7 years. We have a daughter together at the age of 3. A year before we got our daughter we moved into a house together. Our relationship has not been characterized by stormy passion, rather a deep calmer love. We both feel it has been a good relationship. However, my wife has has been missing some passion and romance on my side and I have been missing more sexuality on her part. We have tried to address these problems from time to time, but haven't really gotten us anywhere.
> 
> ...


Actually, I think you have painted a very good picture of your wife. It's not a pleasant picture, though.

And If your wife is cheating on her daughter's father, then she is an *appalling* mother!


----------



## RWB (Feb 6, 2010)

really, our we CWI buying this one. my troll senses were up post 1. please let this be another dreamer post.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

RWB said:


> really, our we CWI buying this one. my troll senses were up post 1. please let this be another dreamer post.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Just click the magic button and let admin work their wonders!


----------



## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

MattMatt said:


> Just click the magic button and let admin work their wonders!


If he does that he just might be looking at a ban message for calling "Troll".

That's against the rules.

For good reason.


----------



## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

TheGuy32 said:


> The day following that she had arranged for a social gathering for her collegues at our house at which he was going to be there as well. My take was that he should at least have enough decency to stay our of my house. My wife insisted that it was a work event and if I caused any trouble my hopes of fixing this would be gone. Shell shocked I had to meet him and even shake his hand. I immidiately setup an appointment with a therapist and were sent home with the task to really figure out each individually whether we wanted this relationship.
> 
> Now, I don't wanna paint the wrong picture of my wife. She is a great mom to our daughter. No denying that. I just really don't know what to make of this situation. I think what was going to be one of the happiest times for all of us, has been completely ruined by this. Any input appreciated.


 What you should have done was played along with this ignorant woman and when her friends from work showed up at your home including the bum she's messing with, I would have dropped his ass in front of everyone and threw him out of the house and informed all the other guests about this guy messing with your wife. 

Then I would have told her in front of everyone that your taking this pathetic excuse of a wife for a DNA test to see if the baby s yours and then told everyone that the little get together is over and that your wife needs a place to stay until she can find another home. 

The idea of her telling you to allow this man in your home and that you actually shake hands with him? Do you have any idea of what this guy thought of you? What your wife thought of you? You became a laughing stock of both of them. You showed no balls, spine or guts so why should they have respect for you.

And one more thing. She's not a great mother to your child because a good mother wouldn't tear her family apart and that includes her daughter. She's also cheating on her just in case you don't know that. 

Friend, you better do some serious growing up real quick and put some starch in you drawers and let you wife know that her days of cheating and as your wife are over.

File for divorce. Have her served and get a DNA test ASAP because I think she knows that the other guy might be the father and she knows that your blind as a bat and will accept whatever story she throws at you as gospel truth. You got serious problems and you better start listening to what the people on this forum are telling you. We have all been there and done that so were not just blowing smoke. Were just trying to make sure that you don't make the same mistake that a lot of us did. Separate your finances and give nothing except for your kid.


----------



## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

lenzi said:


> If he does that he just might be looking at a ban message for calling "Troll".
> 
> That's against the rules.
> 
> For good reason.


It is not against the rules to inform a mod *in private* that you suspect a poster of being a troll for x,y,z reasons.

It is against the rules to accuse a poster of being a troll in public.


----------



## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

WyshIknew said:


> It is against the rules to accuse a poster of being a troll in public.


Which is what that poster did.


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

lenzi said:


> If he does that he just might be looking at a ban message for calling "Troll".
> 
> That's against the rules.
> 
> For good reason.


Nobody gets banned for pressing the magic button. But people do get banned for waving the troll flag too vigorously.


----------



## TheFlood117 (Mar 24, 2013)

RWB, you rule breaker you, you renegade. You're such a rebel without a cause.


----------



## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

lenzi said:


> Which is what that poster did.


Quite agree.

But you quoted MattMatt saying this.




Just click the magic button and let admin work their wonders!

Which was advising said poster to take the correct route and report the thread or post to the mods.

The way it read MattMatt was telling him to take the correct route and you said he would get banned for doing that.

*shrugs*


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

6301 said:


> What you should have done was played along with this ignorant woman and when her friends from work showed up at your home including the bum she's messing with, I would have dropped his ass in front of everyone and threw him out of the house and informed all the other guests about this guy messing with your wife.
> 
> Then I would have told her in front of everyone that your taking this pathetic excuse of a wife for a DNA test to see if the baby s yours and then told everyone that the little get together is over and that your wife needs a place to stay until she can find another home.
> 
> ...


Whoo, yeah! Because using violence against the OM and then getting jailed as a result is always a winning idea!


----------



## nuclearnightmare (May 15, 2013)

TheGuy32 said:


> It does seem that going for divorce is the only workable solution atm. My prediction is that she'll come back crying at some point, but I am not sure I can be into her after this. In a way I hope that she'll just go be with this guy and the divorce thereby can be less messy. She wont be crying and screaming and her being happy means that she can be there for our daughter and the baby when that time comes. I'd rather not see her in a high stress situation while pregnant.


Sounds like you are correct. But don't dance around it. Tell her t pack and leave, and mean it. Tell you don't care where she goes and mean that too. Show zero concern over the fact that she is pregnant. Before she leaves make sure she knows you think she is a wh0re, which is how you will remember her. DNA the baby t make sure it is yours.


----------



## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

MattMatt said:


> Whoo, yeah! Because using violence against the OM and then getting jailed as a result is always a winning idea!


 Maybe it's not a great idea but I would chance it. Be a cold day in hell if I would ever have the OM in my home and shake hands with him.

Matt your right though. Maybe he would file charges but I doubt it. His wife? Another story.


----------



## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

TheGuy32 said:


> Our relationship has not been characterized by *stormy* passion, rather a deep calmer love. We both feel it has been a good relationship. However, my wife has has been missing some passion and romance on my side and I have been missing more sexuality on her part. We have tried to address these problems from time to time, but haven't really gotten us anywhere.
> 
> *She wanted the stormy part of love. Well, she has it now. If you ever reconcile, you will have something extreme no doubt.*
> 
> ...


----------



## bfree (Sep 30, 2012)

TheGuy32 said:


> Could be that they had sex and that she's just sugar coating it. But then again, who has sex with a pregnant woman?? Or what pregnant woman with a child she was pushing for herself 3 months ago has sex with someone else?? The whole thing seems so odd to me and not making any sense.
> 
> About not letting her have an affair under my nose, if it's going towards divorce, does it then really matter? The initiative must be coming from her. I don't want to control her back in to the marriage. So far it just really seems to point towards divorce. I have just been trying to deal with that situation.
> 
> Regarding beta-male/nice guy, then that's probably correct to a large extent. It doesn't sound flattering but probably true. I am a very nice and understanding guy and things might have to change if it leads to this kind of ****.


Could it be that 3 months ago she was pushing you to get her pregnant because she was already pregnant?


----------



## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

TheGuy32 said:


> Now, I don't wanna paint the wrong picture of my wife. She is a great mom to our daughter. No denying that..


 I swear, society has ingrained men with this mantra. Messing up your family, man or woman, makes you not a great parent. You need to change the "is" to "was."


----------



## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Guys my blood was boiling as was yours.

I hope and I kindly mean this, this was a troll.

Sorry this triggered me op.


----------



## MyTurn (Oct 27, 2013)

op,
I see 3 solutions:
a. FILE
b. FILE
c. FILE


----------



## jack.c (Sep 7, 2013)

TheGuy32 said:


> Shell shocked I had to meet him and even shake his hand.
> 
> Now a week later it is becoming increasingly clear that my wife doesn't. She wants the family unit and all the niceties being with me provides, but flat out said she wasn't attracted to me in a sexual way and hadn't been for a long time. She calls and texts him, go to his house etc. I guess he gives her what I don't.


you gotta be joking! Man..... WTF!
Why not give her the money for a hotel room? jeeeezzzz!!!!


----------



## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Actually this is a lot like whyme's wife. 

Even if she refuses, op needs to ask her to leave, without daughter of course.


----------



## jack.c (Sep 7, 2013)

Chaparral said:


> Actually this is a lot like whyme's wife.
> 
> Even if she refuses, op needs to ask her to leave, without daughter of course.



You know what pxsses me really off? THA BLACKMAIL!
He's being betrayed and also needs to put up on her conditions???? COMM'ON!!


----------



## Rottdad42 (Nov 26, 2012)

Sorry you are here, willowfin said what I was thinking, this is sick, disgusting behavior. What person in there right, or left mind, would do this. I have a hard time believing that your soon to be baby is yours. Too coincidental. A kiss means sex, she is downplaying her role along with trickle truth. You are in the middle of a bad nightmare, from her doing. Myself I don't like to play games like this. This is not a game, more like extreme BS. You are in your mid-thirties, how much more time do you think you have to endure this level of betrayal. If I new who the guy was and he came to my house (what ba**s) this guy has, I wouldn't be hand shaking, more like hand breaking. I would feel threatened right now and when people are threatened or backed in a corner, they either turn a blind eye, or come out swinging. Come out swinging, meaning, kick her to the curb, start the divorce process (she has no respect for you, period!), separate finances, STD check!, work on you. This is over IMHO, I say this again, she and him have the nerve to bring him to the house and you shake his hand, knowing that hand has been all over your wife and he know it, flat out disgusting. Time to man up and shake her to the core, remember, she's in a fog, 180 her to the max, there is a thread for that. Take care of you and your daughters needs, that's it. Time to really go to work! Good luck.


----------



## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

Again, this is so bad as to almost not be true. Really, you shook his hand ? You cannot see that the baby might not be yours ? You cannot see that she wants to sleep with him and have you support the "extended" family ? How bad does this have to get for you to see this ?


----------



## missthelove2013 (Sep 23, 2013)

TheGuy32 said:


> My wife insisted that it was a work event and *if I caused any trouble my hopes of fixing this would be gone*. Shell shocked I had to meet him and even shake his hand. .


really beeyotch??? really???
buh bye!!!!
I would be done at this point...I cant believe you let this married woman kissing piece of ****e in YOUR house...you should have told her "he comes here and I will beat the effing hell out of him" and how SHE chooses to react to that is HER problem...NO WAY he is coming in my house...

forget violence...do you realize how many ways you could sabatoge a work function at your house?

Id be pi$$ing on the pate, wiping my nose on her boss..whatever...let her know if this pos comes in your house, you will go to extremes to ruin this party...

sorry dude...you need to grow a pair and nip her crap in the bud...if she wants him, go to him, I am filing D...imo of course


----------



## ironman (Feb 6, 2013)

OP, I have just one question for you ...

Letting your wife treat you like this and behave this way ... where is your dignity and self-respect?


----------



## missthelove2013 (Sep 23, 2013)

TheGuy32 said:


> Could be that they had sex and that she's just sugar coating it.* But then again, who has sex with a pregnant woman*?? Or what pregnant woman with a child she was pushing for herself 3 months ago has sex with someone else?? The whole thing seems so odd to me and not making any sense.
> 
> About not letting her have an affair under my nose, if it's going towards divorce, does it then really matter? The initiative must be coming from her. I don't want to control her back in to the marriage. So far it just really seems to point towards divorce. I have just been trying to deal with that situation.
> 
> Regarding beta-male/nice guy, then that's probably correct to a large extent. It doesn't sound flattering but probably true. I am a very nice and understanding guy and things might have to change if it leads to this kind of ****.


huh?? She is married and already pregnant...thats PERFECT for someone just wanting a piece of ass...NO worried about knocking her up

is this pos married as well?? Does his wife know???


----------



## U.E. McGill (Nov 27, 2013)

I think most the advice here is sound. 

Basic Gist to go from a beta to an alpha, assert yourself and get your needs met. But there's plenty of advice here on how to do it without being a caveman. 

I will tell you, I have a family member who works in the child support services in her state. She told me it's almost impossible to undo paternity once it's established. Particularly paternity in a marriage. 

So do you want to pay for someone else's kid? To me that's akin to stealing from your other kid resources are finite.


----------



## convert (Oct 4, 2013)

It has already been said but get the DNA test done.

Do not sign the birth certificated until they are done.


----------



## Nucking Futs (Apr 8, 2013)

U.E. McGill said:


> So do you want to pay for someone else's kid? To me that's akin to stealing from your other kid resources are finite.


:iagree::iagree::iagree:


----------



## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

> But then again, who has sex with a pregnant woman??


Many men, especially when they think/know the baby is their offspring.


----------



## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

TheGuy32 said:


> Could be that they had sex and that she's just sugar coating it. But then again, who has sex with a pregnant woman?? Or what pregnant woman with a child she was pushing for herself 3 months ago has sex with someone else?? The whole thing seems so odd to me and not making any sense.
> 
> About not letting her have an affair under my nose, if it's going towards divorce, does it then really matter? The initiative must be coming from her. I don't want to control her back in to the marriage. So far it just really seems to point towards divorce. I have just been trying to deal with that situation.
> 
> Regarding beta-male/nice guy, then that's probably correct to a large extent. It doesn't sound flattering but probably true. I am a very nice and understanding guy and things might have to change if it leads to this kind of ****.


Many couples have sex during pregnancy. And the answer to your question about the whole pushing for getting pregnant and it not making sense. It does to me. When a cheater cheats nothing really matters.

Step back and file for D. Don't let her know what you are doing. She sounds like a winner.


----------



## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

Her wanting to get pregnant may have been her attempt to get out of the affair. She didn't think she'd cheat while she had your child in her, but got carried away again.

Either that, or she was pregnant already and wanted to make you think it was yours.


----------



## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

bfree said:


> Could it be that 3 months ago she was pushing you to get her pregnant because she was already pregnant?


That would be my bet with 2:1 odds.


----------



## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

OP I hope you are reading these posts.

I'm sure it is a shock but I hope you do what has to be done take care.


----------



## Baffled01 (Mar 14, 2012)

phillybeffandswiss said:


> Many men, especially when they think/know the baby is their offspring.


And if she's only three months along she's probably not showing much, and he doesn't have to worry about making her pregnant if she's already pregnant. But I'm guessing (like another poster) that the OM could be the father of this baby and that's why she pressured you so hard to have sex at that time. Personally, I think this thing has been going on alot longer than you think; they usually are. She will only admit to what you can prove.


----------



## TheGuy32 (Dec 8, 2013)

First of all, thanks for all you replies. I am reading every single one trying to take everything in and make sense of this. 

About the other guy, he is divorced with kids from the previous marriage and is currently single. He doesn't strike me as a predator, but maybe more as over emotional and a little fragile. Apparently, he is madly in love with my wife and uses every opportunity to tell her so - even to the point of making her a bit uncomfortable. He makes lofty plans about their future together. I don't really feel threatened by him, more uneasy about his mental state, but maybe he is just in love. Who knows. 

I am also starting to think that this affair was a way of her getting out of a relationship she deep down wasn't happy in. I haven't always been very good at giving daily affection, and I think she has been missing this. She tells me that she was to a large extent happy in the relationship, but this guy showed her a different life and now that box has been opened, she can't just go back. Though I have no doubt if it doesn't work out with the other guy, she'll want back with me. Currently, I think divorce is the only option. It just devastates me dissolving the family unit. My daughter is really looking forward to the baby and I really wanted it to be something entirely different than this. 

About whether the baby is mine, she says it is, and I tend to believe her. It doesn't seem she would do something like that, but getting a test at that point is probably a good idea.


----------



## jack.c (Sep 7, 2013)

know you're starting to think better..... and start from NOW a 180!


----------



## TheGuy32 (Dec 8, 2013)

What is this 180 stuff? I've noticed it mentioned in several posts now.


----------



## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

TheGuy32 said:


> First of all, thanks for all you replies. I am reading every single one trying to take everything in and make sense of this.
> 
> About the other guy, he is divorced with kids from the previous marriage and is currently single. He doesn't strike me as a predator, but maybe more as over emotional and a little fragile. Apparently, he is madly in love with my wife and uses every opportunity to tell her so - even to the point of making her a bit uncomfortable. He makes lofty plans about their future together. I don't really feel threatened by him, more uneasy about his mental state, but maybe he is just in love. Who knows.
> 
> ...


Thanks for coming back and I'm glad you are still reading.
If she wants him so bad why don't you pack her stuff and tell her to move in with him.
This will send a strong message that you are moving on and will not be plan B.
It might just wake her up to her new reality but at least it will show you respect yourself.
Don't believe anything she says now and DNA test the baby.


----------



## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/genera...t-180-how-do-you-know-when-you-should-do.html


----------



## staarz21 (Feb 6, 2013)

TheGuy32 said:


> First of all, thanks for all you replies. I am reading every single one trying to take everything in and make sense of this.
> 
> About the other guy, he is divorced with kids from the previous marriage and is currently single. He doesn't strike me as a predator, but maybe more as over emotional and a little fragile. Apparently, he is madly in love with my wife and uses every opportunity to tell her so - even to the point of making her a bit uncomfortable. He makes lofty plans about their future together. I don't really feel threatened by him, more uneasy about his mental state, but maybe he is just in love. Who knows.
> 
> ...


The test is really a good idea. Better safe than sorry and she shouldn't give you any grief over it considering her actions. I hope the baby is yours and that isn't an added stressor. Good luck.


----------



## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

TheGuy32 said:


> First of all, thanks for all you replies. I am reading every single one trying to take everything in and make sense of this.
> 
> About the other guy, he is divorced with kids from the previous marriage and is currently single. He doesn't strike me as a predator, but maybe more as over emotional and a little fragile. Apparently, he is madly in love with my wife and uses every opportunity to tell her so - even to the point of making her a bit uncomfortable. He makes lofty plans about their future together. I don't really feel threatened by him, more uneasy about his mental state, but maybe he is just in love. Who knows.
> 
> ...


She's having an affair and rubbing it in your face - did it seem like she would do something like that?

He's not a threat to you? Maybe not physically ... but he's taking your wife away from you, threatening your way of life.

I know it happens but it seems very unusual for a woman to push getting pregnant with a man when there are serious doubts in her mind about the future of the relationship. Some may do it thinking it will help solve problems in a relationship but if that was the case, getting into an affair right afterwards would seem unlikely. She just so happened to find the rare guy who would be interested in helping take on the responsibility of another man's unborn baby. Possible I suppose ... but odds are better that it is his.

_Posted via *Topify* on Android_


----------



## Farmer_J (Jan 15, 2013)

TheGuy32 said:


> .....I am also starting to think that this affair was a way of her getting out of a relationship she deep down wasn't happy in. I haven't always been very good at giving daily affection, and I think she has been missing this. She tells me that she was to a large extent happy in the relationship, but this guy showed her a different life and now that box has been opened, she can't just go back. Though I have no doubt if it doesn't work out with the other guy, she'll want back with me......


The above may be true....in her mind. BUT believe me & others here, that is no reason to have an affair. When you are married, the rules of the game change.

So don't ever get down on yourself OR believe anything she might say that puts the blame on you. You are not responsible for what others do.

If she was looking for a way out, the more honorable thing for her to do, would to have insisted on marriage counseling w/ you & then if that didnt work, divorce.

You don't start another relationship before the other one has ended. This is the cowards way out.
I assume you didnt think things were all that great either btwn the two of you either....but your response wasn't to have an affair.

So stand up tall. And be proud that you didnt stoop to this level.

Is there anything in your past with her that may suggest she was capable of this sort of thing? Has she ever cheated before? Does she have friends that could be considered 'toxic' to your marriage?

Get your cards together & snoop on her. Gather evidence & present to your family, her family, etc. When there are kids involved, its time to go nuclear on a cheating spouse.

Its hard to deal with all this. I should know. I've had two wives cheat on me. First wife left for the other guy & second wife reconnected w/ a guy on facebook.....
BUT I didnt have children with either one. 
You DO though. 
Be tough for your kid, she deserves at least someone standing up for what is right & defending what is good for her well-being.


----------



## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

If you have not already please let both sides of the family know what is going on.
Maybe one of her siblings or parents possibly could talk some sense into her.
If nothing else it will set the record straight so you aren't labeled as the devil or wife beater.


----------



## TheGuy32 (Dec 8, 2013)

Yeah, she cheated a long time ago before we got married. Don't think there was any rational reason for that. Also some guy at work. I am way over that by now. I don't think she has cheated since, but can't know for sure of course. 

At this point I don't feel particular inclined to work things out. Not really sure this is what I want. That said, my emotions go back and forth a lot during this phase.


----------



## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

TheGuy32 said:


> Yeah, she cheated a long time ago before we got married. Don't think there was any rational reason for that. Also some guy at work. I am way over that by now. I don't think she has cheated since, but can't know for sure of course.
> 
> At this point I don't feel particular inclined to work things out. Not really sure this is what I want. That said, my emotions go back and forth a lot during this phase.


When you have never gone through a D it can be very intimidating. Set your course and stay your course. You like many others will get through it.


----------



## Farmer_J (Jan 15, 2013)

TheGuy32 said:


> Yeah, she cheated a long time ago before we got married. Don't think there was any rational reason for that. Also some guy at work. I am way over that by now. I don't think she has cheated since, but can't know for sure of course.
> 
> At this point I don't feel particular inclined to work things out. Not really sure this is what I want. That said, my emotions go back and forth a lot during this phase.


Well I was afraid that might be the case. 
How did you handle it back then?

Seems she finds these affair partners at her workplace, which is not unusual. 


1) I'd say go talk to a lawyer. Don't let your wife know what you have planned though. You don't want to give her any heads up or an advantage over you.
One thing to note, an attorney will not care why you are divorcing. 

2) Gather evidence...emails, phone call records, etc, etc...anything that you can show to someone else to make your case. 

3) Show the above evidence to family members, her family, friends, & to anyone that knows the both of you as a couple.

4) Get support from friends, family, counselors, etc. Go out and be around these people whom you trust. Talk to them about all this stuff...the stuff you feel, the sadness, etc.

5) Remove yourself from your wife's life. Pull away emotionally & physically from her. If you want to reconcile, then don't try to be affectionate, loving, no begging, etc, etc.
As one mentioned before, you can't compete with new love.

6) Be prepared for a backlash from her & possibly from her family & friends. They may say horrible things about you. 

7) Protect your child. Her family/friends may try to tell things to your daughter about what an awful guy you are. Come down hard on these people....burn them to the ground. No reason for anyone to tell a child that affairs are ok.


----------



## Sandfly (Dec 8, 2013)

Dear Friend,

You are still being the nice guy, and I understand why, but your wife's love is completely gone. She doesn't even remember it, it's a biological thing. It isn't anything to do with you, and there is no way to recover it. You now need to protect yourself against her, because any demonstrations of affection, regret, sympathy and certainly any come-ons are simply part of an exit-strategy. She is now concerned to simply come out of the relationship in a winning position.

I have often been shocked at how quickly women fall in love. Then they quickly fall out of love, go cold in fact. This is just how men and women are. Love is different for men and women. For you it's a content feeling, while for women it's a high. It's harder to stay high than content. The other guy could be uglier, could be abusive, it doesn't matter, because the High she is experiencing with him is all hormones. The main thing is that the guy is 'new'. Even knowing this, you might be tempted to explain it to her - it won't work. This is not about logic, it's biology. You cannot convince someone to feel something, not even guilt.

I notice that you still have her up on a pedestal, but she is in fact just human. As a man falls in love, he starts to overlook all his partner's imperfections, as evidenced by the fact that you accepted her excuses. Having seen that you accepted them, she pushed the boundaries by fantasising. Then kissing - well, admitting to kissing for a woman means she started shagging him long ago. 

Right now, your wife's new partner is 'perfect' to her too. If he told her now that the reason he's divorced is because he went to jail for wifebeating, it would slide right off her. She's not in control of her hormones, and those hormones are magnifying how great the sex feels with new guys. She won't be using protection, and she'll be convinced that 'he's the one'. It's all illusion, but it feels real, thanks to her hormones.

Please do a 180 on this situation, because she is your enemy now, and it's not your fault. You have to make sure you gather evidence of her infidelity, you have to expose her affair to her family, you need to harden your heart and most of all: don't believe a word she says. Your befuddled brain will do its best to convince you that 'she might still love you' and that she loves her daughter, and that she's just confused - she's not confused, she's buying time to get advantage. Don't be her victim.


----------



## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

She is a serial cheater.
This women is toxic.
Run Forest runn!!!

I mean I can maybe see if you guys had decades worth of history and your old lady has had a chance to muture with age, but I think she is just getting started with regards to being with OM,s.

I'm thinking you have a better risk of her cheating again then say if you guys were older and she got "it" out of her system.

I just have a feeling she will not affair proof this marriage in the future and when you do catch her again she will again blame it all on you.

Every time you feel like getting back with her go reread your first post.


----------



## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

Here is the list. Print it out. Live by it. 

180 List - No More Mr. Nice Guy Online Support Group 

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/mens-clubhouse/18181-man-up-nice-guy-reference.html

Don't allow her to gaslight you into believing the affair was your fault. The affair was her fault, not your's. Do not believe she had no fault in the M either, you both did.

Good luck


----------



## Stronger-now (Oct 31, 2013)

You seem like a really good person. 

At this point, why would you believe anything she says? She is capable of such cruelty, forcing you to welcome her affair partner into your house...why would you think she is not capable of passing off this unborn child as yours and forcing you to fork the bills? Please get the test before you sign the birth certificate, unless you don't mind to pay for someone else's child. 

One more thing, a pregnant woman may get hormonal b*tch pass, but being pregnant doesn't give her a hall pass to sleep around with another man and be cruel to you. Good thing that you don't want to stress her out, but she has chosen stress and drama when she stepped out of her marriage. She just banked on you keeping your mouth shut and doing what she tells you to do. 

Now, you don't have to be cruel to her. You just need to stand your ground that you are not going to accept anymore of her crappy treatment. If she screams, just ask her calmly to pound sand. THIS IS THE CONSEQUENCE OF HER DECISION TO CHEAT. If she has the strength to cheat, she has the strength to deal with the consequences of her decision. 

And no, she doesn't seem like a good mother to me. What kind of a mother, pregnant with another child, has the time and mind to cheat and cake-eating?

From what you write here, I don't think she ever loves you. She is not even attracted to you. Maybe she just saw you as a stable and dependable guy. Now that she finds passion in another guy, she doesn't hesitate to step out. She is out of the door quick, isn't she?

To sum it up:
You have a cruel cheating wife (second affair too), pregnant...maybe with your baby (the ultimate insult of her having sex with the AP while having your baby!!)...maybe with that guy's child (and trying to pass it off as your child!)...she barely wanted to have sex with you, she appears to be really bossy and has your balls wrapped around her pinky finger. 

Every time you waver on your decision to divorce her, just think about these points. I cannot stress enough the importance of DNA test the unborn child. She has given you enough reason not to believe her words.


----------



## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

TheGuy32 said:


> Yeah, she cheated a long time ago before we got married. Don't think there was any rational reason for that. Also some guy at work. I am way over that by now. I don't think she has cheated since, but can't know for sure of course.
> 
> At this point I don't feel particular inclined to work things out. Not really sure this is what I want. That said, my emotions go back and forth a lot during this phase.


What the hell are you talking about?
She is cheating right now!

News flash here...she doesn't want you, you have been replaced.

So stop acting like you have a choice in the matter

Go have her served...enless she stopped all contact and writen a no contact letter to the OM (and you can comfirm this) then what the hell are you think...your old lady has made the painful choice for you.


----------



## TheGuy32 (Dec 8, 2013)

I think you're all right when you say she doesn't want me. I think a divorce is the way this will go. One of my big worries at this point is almost that she'll want me back if the relationship with the other guy doesn't pan out. It doesn't seem she cares much about me and the affair probably could have been going on for a while. Who wants to be there during pregnancy and afterwards unless something has been going on? It doesn't just happen after a night of kissing. Noone develops those kinds of feelings overnight (unless there is really something mentally off about him).

But I think I want to end this calmly for the sake of our daughter and the unborn child (whoever's it turns out to be). That might not entirely work out, but I really think I want out.


----------



## LostViking (Mar 26, 2013)

TheGuy32 said:


> I think you're all right when you say she doesn't want me. I think a divorce is the way this will go. One of my big worries at this point is almost that she'll want me back if the relationship with the other guy doesn't pan out.
> 
> *Probably. You are her plan B. Her soft landing pad. Make it clear to her that is not the case. *
> 
> ...


----------



## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

TheGuy32 said:


> But I think I want to end this calmly for the sake of our daughter and the unborn child (whoever's it turns out to be). That might not entirely work out, but I really think I want out.


You can find some resources here, 
DadsDivorce.com


----------



## Dyokemm (Apr 24, 2013)

I agree with Lost Viking,

Make sure she knows you will not be a Plan B.

You will not be 'friends' after the D.

She has just crapped all over your life together, and the M is over.

Expose the A to all your friends and family before she rewrites your M history in order to paint you as a monster and justify her actions.

File for D and only discuss the kids and the D proceedings with her.

And after this, if she brings POS around to your house again, make sure to tell him to get the F outta there before he gets his teeth knocked down his throat for daring to destroy your children's family and home.


----------



## Dyokemm (Apr 24, 2013)

Oh, and I also think that once the Hollywood romance phase of her A wears off, and she sees what a pathetic, clingy, and overly emotional guy POS is (assuming your read on him is right), she will want to come back.

She'll be emotional and full of sorrys, and pleas to do it for the children, blah, blah, blah.

Tell her to kick rocks.


----------



## movin on (Jan 24, 2012)

TheGuy32 said:


> I think you're all right when you say she doesn't want me. I think a divorce is the way this will go. One of my big worries at this point is almost that she'll want me back if the relationship with the other guy doesn't pan out. It doesn't seem she cares much about me and the affair probably could have been going on for a while. Who wants to be there during pregnancy and afterwards unless something has been going on? It doesn't just happen after a night of kissing. Noone develops those kinds of feelings overnight (unless there is really something mentally off about him).
> 
> He wants to be there because he thinks she is pregnant with his kid. And he very well could be correct.signing the birth certificate without a DNA test will be your second biggest mistake of your life
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

TheGuy32 said:


> One of my big worries at this point is almost that she'll want me back if the relationship with the other guy doesn't pan out.


That should be her worry not yours. You should follow the advice and work on yourself. 

It's hard and fresh, fog or not, but she made her choice to put you last.


----------



## hookares (Dec 7, 2011)

Get a paternity test for the child you "know" is yours. If it turns out that you didn't father that one, you have NOTHING to save since it's likely the one she's packing around inside her isn't yours either.


----------



## nuclearnightmare (May 15, 2013)

TheGuy32 said:


> I think you're all right when you say she doesn't want me. I think a divorce is the way this will go. *One of my big worries at this point is almost that she'll want me back if the relationship with the other guy doesn't pan out*. It doesn't seem she cares much about me and the affair probably could have been going on for a while. Who wants to be there during pregnancy and afterwards unless something has been going on? It doesn't just happen after a night of kissing. Noone develops those kinds of feelings overnight (unless there is really something mentally off about him).
> 
> But I think I want to end this calmly for the sake of our daughter and the unborn child (whoever's it turns out to be). That might not entirely work out, but I really think I want out.


am sure its not a reflection on you, its a reflection on her. on your biggest fear (bolded), I don't blame you. She sems like the type that will tire of the other guy in pretty short order. all the more reason to start the divorce planning process and move it along.

I won't minimize your heartbreak vis-a-vis your daughter looking forward to the new baby. she'll still have a little sibling but the circumstances of her family will shift starkly. It makes me sad as well, just thinking about it, and it's not even my life. But parents have never been able to bring their children into a perfect world. Perhaps divorce is the childhood scourge of the late 20th and 21st centuries - just as typhus, smallpox and myriad other physical risks were for the 19th and previous. nonetheless in some cases, like yours, divorce is inevitable I think.


----------



## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

See an attorney.

Get good legal advice.

Have her served still work.

Just to let her know you are no fool, and let others know she and her OM are fools.


----------



## TheGuy32 (Dec 8, 2013)

Okay, told her I wanted a divorce and I would like for this to be done in the nicest way possible. This crap is not what I want out of my life. It's better that this happens now than in 10 years. We have a lot of practicalities to deal with, but at least we have gotten this started. She doesn't appear awfully upset, which is great. I'll keep you posted what happens in this crazy life of mine.


----------



## mahike (Aug 16, 2011)

Just because she did not seem upset right now does not mean that she will not be upset later.

Does anyone else know about the A? Is she still seeing the POS OM?


----------



## DavidWYoung (Feb 3, 2012)

Get your ducks in order, she is NOT you wife, she is the enemy!

you are her doormat and she will use you. I know what I am talking about!


----------



## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

TheGuy32 said:


> Okay, told her I wanted a divorce and I would like for this to be done in the nicest way possible. This crap is not what I want out of my life. It's better that this happens now than in 10 years. We have a lot of practicalities to deal with, but at least we have gotten this started. She doesn't appear awfully upset, which is great. I'll keep you posted what happens in this crazy life of mine.


Right now, she's riding high on the dopamine, norepinephrine, serotonin, and general crack-like high of being in an illicit affair. However, once the wheels start turning, it's possible she will sober up. You need to decide right now how you're going to deal with that. Also, you need to follow Hookares advice and DNA your child. Since your wife is most likely an affair junkie, you need to settle that issue right up front.

Follow the advice previously given and download the book Married Man Sex Life. It's not really about sex, exactly, it's how to be attractive to women in the long haul. This knowledge will be useful in your next relationship.

So, if your wife suddenly says, "I'm dropping dooshbag and want us to stay together," what will your response be?


----------



## AZman (Nov 27, 2012)

OP, first I am sorry, your situation sucks on epic proportions. 

As I read what you posted throughout this, your wife does not care about you, or respect you. Aside from the affair, the things she has said, done, done to you etc., are vicious and horrible. She may say or act like she wants a "nice" or "smooth" divorce, but I wouldn't trust a word coming out of her mouth. 

Sorry CYA, CYA, CYA. Get the DNA test, make it part of the divorce decree. Cut joint finances, kill joint credit cards etc. If she is possibly going to move in with the OM, do you want to furnish their place? buy him a new TV? 

Again, sorry about your situation, it is horrible. Stay strong and best of luck to you.


----------



## Farmer_J (Jan 15, 2013)

TheGuy32 said:


> Okay, told her I wanted a divorce and I would like for this to be done in the nicest way possible. This crap is not what I want out of my life. It's better that this happens now than in 10 years. We have a lot of practicalities to deal with, but at least we have gotten this started. She doesn't appear awfully upset, which is great. I'll keep you posted what happens in this crazy life of mine.


Oh of course she is not upset....because she knows you aren't going to expose her. As long as you both keep it quiet, she will be fine.

I'd recommend telling people everything. 
And this is why.....if you don't at least let others know the truth, she will spread a lie about why you guys arent together anymore. You'll become the bad guy regardless of which way this goes. At least by exposing the truth to everyone, she can't hide behind a lie.


----------



## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Yes please expose this and serve her at work.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## just got it 55 (Mar 2, 2013)

Expose now


----------



## LostViking (Mar 26, 2013)

Expose, x-pose, ekkkspoze.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

TheGuy32 said:


> Okay, told her I wanted a divorce and I would like for this to be done in the nicest way possible. This crap is not what I want out of my life. It's better that this happens now than in 10 years. We have a lot of practicalities to deal with, but at least we have gotten this started. She *doesn't appear awfully upset*, which is great. I'll keep you posted what happens in this crazy life of mine.


She sounds like she is calling your pluff...wait until she gets served..that whole upset thing is going change real quick.

I'm thinking your old lady thinks you don't have the ball to pull it off. But when she sees you actually do have some balls she ain't going to like it.

Something tells me she believe you will wait around for her cheating @ss after this POSOM falls apart and is more pathetic then she ever thought.

As thing progress she will see just how controlling OM is, how needy he is, how demanding he is, how over bearing and smothering he is....In the end the grass ain't any greener!


So please fill ASAP...You can alway withdraw the filling or even put it on hold (which I recommend) that way if this thing keeps heading south you are that much furthure ahead, if things get better then fall aprt then the paper work is already done and you ..again are that much furthure ahead. The point here is its time to get a few step ahead of your WW instead of a few step behind her.
Again, filling and having her served is alot different then finalizing a divorce.

So get a move on.
Having her served will be a game changer one way or another it will be a game changer.


----------



## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

LostViking said:


> Expose, x-pose, ekkkspoze.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


All 3 of those

But seriously exposure needs to be done but it's your life.


----------



## 10th Engineer Harrison (Dec 11, 2013)

If she's been having this affair and she's 3 months pregnant, I would STRONGLY suspect that she got pregnant by the OM and wants you 2 believe it's yours.

If it hasn't been mentioned already, if you do nothing 2 determine paternity, you will be the legal father as far as the courts are concerned, regardless of who is biologically. In a worse-case scenario, the baby isn't yours, and your W could marry the OM and you could be forced 2 pay child support until his child is 18. It happens.

Please protect yourself legally and financially.

-ol' 2long


----------



## terrence4159 (Feb 3, 2013)

dude call 1 800 maury and have her take a lie detector test....no one beats ralph!! and dna test your first kid, they have them at walmart now for like 100 bucks your wife doesnt need to know.


----------



## Wolfman1968 (Jun 9, 2011)

Machiavelli said:


> Right now, she's riding high on the dopamine, norepinephrine, serotonin, and general crack-like high of being in an illicit affair. However, once the wheels start turning, it's possible she will sober up. You need to decide right now how you're going to deal with that. Also, you need to follow Hookares advice and DNA your child. Since your wife is most likely an affair junkie, you need to settle that issue right up front.
> 
> Follow the advice previously given and download the book Married Man Sex Life. It's not really about sex, exactly, it's how to be attractive to women in the long haul. This knowledge will be useful in your next relationship.
> 
> So, if your wife suddenly says, "I'm dropping dooshbag and want us to stay together," what will your response be?


Spot on, as always.

Look out, ol' Machie's back!


----------



## Baffled01 (Mar 14, 2012)

2long said:


> If she's been having this affair and she's 3 months pregnant, I would STRONGLY suspect that she got pregnant by the OM and wants you 2 believe it's yours.
> 
> If it hasn't been mentioned already, if you do nothing 2 determine paternity, you will be the legal father as far as the courts are concerned, regardless of who is biologically. In a worse-case scenario, the baby isn't yours, and your W could marry the OM and you could be forced 2 pay child support until his child is 18. It happens.
> 
> ...


Yes, this has been brought up before, and it can't be emphasized enough. Please OP... make sure you get paternity testing. I just googled it and it the costs have really come down the recent years; about $500 now for a legal standing DNA test.

Don't keep saying, I don't think she'd ever do that to me. SHe just might. IT DOES HAPPEN!


----------



## illwill (Feb 21, 2013)

Kid aint yours.


----------



## jnichk76 (Nov 4, 2013)

TheGuy32 said:


> Okay, told her I wanted a divorce and I would like for this to be done in the nicest way possible. This crap is not what I want out of my life. It's better that this happens now than in 10 years. We have a lot of practicalities to deal with, but at least we have gotten this started. She doesn't appear awfully upset, which is great. I'll keep you posted what happens in this crazy life of mine.



Did you file?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

OP was last here mid January.


----------



## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

weightlifter said:


> OP was last here mid January.


Did he ever come to terms w/ the notion that the child wasn't his?


----------



## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

GusPolinski said:


> Did he ever come to terms w/ the notion that the child wasn't his?


Maybe that's why he hasn't come back.
Someone can PM him he might respond.


----------

