# Talk to Mother in Law or no?



## Red_Dolphin (Dec 27, 2011)

I am really debating calling up my mother in law and asking her for advice. 

My mother in law and I have never had any troubles and she knows my husband better than anyone, other than myself.

She also knows how he can act.

Should I leave the mother in law out of it (she doesn't know we are having problems) or would it be ok?


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## jasmine01 (Jan 4, 2012)

I know where you are coming from. I am very close to my in laws and had the same thoughts with my MIL when this all started (been separated for 8 months now). 

I kind of pushed my husband to talk to her. I thought it would be good for her to know and also that he mention it to her. I think you will have to play it by ear on pushing him to do it, but maybe suggest him to contact his family for some support through this all. If he is strongly against it, mention that maybe you will contact his mom and see how he feels about it.


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## Red_Dolphin (Dec 27, 2011)

Thanks for your reply. 

I more wanted to contact her not to let her know what is going on, but, as weird as it sounds, to just get advice.

One of my biggest problems is that I refuse to talk to my friends/family in detail about our problems. I dont want to tarnish(for lack of a better word) his image with them and cause hard feelings between him and them. I mean my best and closest friend knows we are having troubles, but not the whole story. 

I feel like his mom would be the one person I could talk to that wouldn't "hold a grudge" against him or against us staying together. 

I don't know. Does that make sense?


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## jasmine01 (Jan 4, 2012)

That makes total sense! I have gone through the same struggle. I think it is a good idea to consider. I found it hard to say too much to my MIL because I know that he needed her support as well. Our friends all kind of took my side since he was pushing them away. I talked to his cousin a lot at first for that very reason. After a month or two I that it was too hard for her to be in the middle. I was surprised to find out that my sister was really the most supportive. I still dont tell her details, but maybe a support group would be good for that?

Sorry, I don't know how much help this is, but i ended up having to really deal with this personally. It was hard and very lonely. Maybe a support group is really the way to go?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## insomnia255 (Dec 4, 2011)

Go to marriage counsellor both of you. Getting family involved could back fire and people will take sides. see a counsellor both of you


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## Red_Dolphin (Dec 27, 2011)

insomnia255 said:


> Go to marriage counsellor both of you. Getting family involved could back fire and people will take sides. see a counsellor both of you


We began counseling last week.


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## LovesHerMan (Jul 28, 2011)

This could go well since she knows her son's personality and how to deal with him.

However, consider her personality. Are you certain that she will not reveal details of your conversation to him? I would also stay away from sexual topics; she should not be involved in your sex life.


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## NotSoSureYet (Nov 10, 2011)

my H went to his mom when we started having major problems. My MIL is one of the few people I ever thought would turn on me.......and she was one of the 1st to turn! Then she turned my brother and sister in law both against me. Telling them lies about me and the problems that my H and I are/were having.
It really has opened my eyes about her - the same woman that bragged to people about what a great daughter in law she had. Never woulda thought she'd be that way when the sh*% hit the fan.


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## cherokee96red (Apr 23, 2011)

NotSoSureYet said:


> my H went to his mom when we started having major problems. My MIL is one of the few people I ever thought would turn on me.......and she was one of the 1st to turn! Then she turned my brother and sister in law both against me. Telling them lies about me and the problems that my H and I are/were having.
> It really has opened my eyes about her - the same woman that bragged to people about what a great daughter in law she had. Never woulda thought she'd be that way when the sh*% hit the fan.


:iagree:

I've heard that I'm the favorite DIL, there are 2 others, that no matter what I'll always be a part of the family, yada, yada, yada! Whatever! I did send her an email recently in which I laid out my feelings on a few things and people. Yes, it had a tinge of anger but not at her, just the situation her baby boy has created. No response yet, but sure I'll be getting one, eventually.


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