# Is it cheating?



## Natasha33300 (Oct 11, 2017)

Hello. I need some help! Going crazy with all my thoughts. I have been with my husband for 15 years. We met when I was 19. We have never had any real issues or anything close to cheating. He is a great husband and treats me very well. My husband is a bodybuilder and 2 months ago decided to take a steroid called Tren. This is the most powerful steroid you can get. It messes with your mind and changes you for the worse. The drug is nicknamed a divorce in a bottle. It makes you angry, nervous, jealous, horny and makes you hate people around you. It makes you question everything and just messes with your mind. 
During his tren cycle i noticed he was texting someone instead of getting ready to go to the gym with me. I asked him who he was texting and he told me. Another woman. A coworker. Naturally I freaked out. He told me they were just friends. He explained they have been texting for 2 weeks. He swears they were just friends. I know he never slept with her cause he comes home to me evernight. He would not have had the chance. She gave him her number he did not ask for it. However, he started texting her. He swears it was just a friendship and I know it was. He said there was nothing sexual at all
And that even she would tell me that. Now remember he told me what he was doing right away as soon as I asked. He said he was not trying to hide it and that he did nothing wrong. He did delete the texts. He says she texts all the guys at work. I asked if I could speak with her and he said yes go ahead. I have nothing to hide. I have not contacted her. Her has a Christmas party coming up and wants me to go even though she will be there. I assume if anything was going on he wouldn't want me to call her or go to the party. So maybe he has nothing to hide? It's been 2 months now and he has not contacted her. He switched gyms as she would be there sometimes and I didn't like that. Now we go together to another gym. He also received a new job and no longer works there. He has cut all communication with her and is really trying to make me feel better. We do everything together now. Quaffing, gym and we cuddle every night which we never used to do. He says this is the best thing to happen to us as I am finally becoming more connected to him. I read a text message between him and his brother saying he will not be texting her anymore and that we needed this to be close again. He also did tell him she was hot. He also told him
He never wanted this girl just wanted attention from me and now he has it. So, I am loosing my mind here. Was this an emotional affair for 2 weeks or am I overreacting? I can't forget this. I went through the history on all the computers and his phone. There is nothing I can find at all for the past 2 years of anything bad. Nothing at all. He is trying so hard to make me feel better but I can't. Is what he did so
Wrong or were they just friends? I know this wouldn't have happened if the drugs were not involved and as soon as he realized what the drugs were doing to him he threw them out. He is trying so hard. Do I stay or leave? Help me! Did he cheat?


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## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

Natasha33300 said:


> Did he cheat?


My take on what you told us is no. I think he is telling you exact truth, they were friends and nothing more.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Probably nothing of an infidelic nature! But other marriages have been destroyed by far less!

BTW, have your H get checked out by an MD over his constant steroid usage. That's the most troubling thing that I've heard thus far.*


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## Taxman (Dec 21, 2016)

My experience with people who juice (I have undergone some extreme weight loss, and my gym is filled with people using steroids-which I avoid at all costs), is that they are not in the least interested in sex. The dead giveaway in the change room is the shriveled equipment. I don't think he'd be having affairs, I'd be more concerned about "roid rage". The one he is on makes you extremely aggressive. I have seen fights picked over someone breathing too hard. He may not **** around on you, but he is likely to beat on anyone who looks at him sideways.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

I hope @Taxman is doing the math correctly.

You caught this in the bud. He was being stroked by this lightweight Vixen.
She wanted his shriveled equipment. She wanted all the guys at the gym.
..............................................................................................................
Let me say it with words.

"If a horny lady hunter aims at the flock of male birds, shoots at their Plumage, their Pride and their Egos. 
She is sure to bring a few of them down. Bring them down to ground level. 
Get them to hover over her. Doing rapid push-ups, stimulating her curly hair follicles.

Your husband was [hopefully] playing along.
She was deadly serious in bagging all his bulges.

Let this trespass go...
But keep an eye out from now on.


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## Natasha33300 (Oct 11, 2017)

Thanks everyone! He is no longer taking any steroids. I just don't want to leave a good man for no serious reason. I just can't let it go though. I can't help but think he still thinks about her. Even though he probably does not. Also just trying to figure out where this line is.. He is at the point where he says he will have to leave for a bit if I don't stop yelling at him. I have not stopped for 2 months. Just ant to figure out if what he did deserves divorce or not. I don't want him texting any other women. He said he won't again and I do believe him but how mad should I be? He told me and it was only 2 weeks in the middle of his cycle which changes his personality. If he is not on the steriods why shouldn't I trust his judgement? Again he had never done anything wrong in 15 years. So confused! Would you guys leave him?


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## kenyaone (Jan 26, 2017)

SunCMars said:


> I hope @Taxman is doing the math correctly.
> 
> You caught this in the bud. He was being stroked by this lightweight Vixen.
> She wanted his shriveled equipment. She wanted all the guys at the gym.
> ...


Good analysis of what could have transpired between the two. From now henceforth let her be alert to that fact.

Sent from my Lenovo X2-AP using Tapatalk


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## Herschel (Mar 27, 2016)

Man, there is likely a lot going on here that you haven't told us or don't know about. I always wonder about body builders and those willing to take steroids for no reason other than their looks (unlike sports players). It's a very narcissistic trait and it wouldn't surprise me he needs women to be constantly attracted to him. Maybe that has manifested itself into a quickie of some sort, that I cannot tell you. But, hey, this is your life and I'd always be worried.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

He needs to grow up.

Dangerous steroids are illegal and for a damn good reason.


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## Natasha33300 (Oct 11, 2017)

There is nothing else I have left out. It's really that simple. He is home with me if he is not working. I have checked all history on everything and there is nothing. He will never do the steroid again. It was a one time trial. He threw them out.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

arbitrator said:


> *Probably nothing of an infidelic nature! But other marriages have been destroyed by far less!
> 
> BTW, have your H get checked out by an MD over his constant steroid usage. That's the most troubling thing that I've heard thus far.*


In my opinion taking steroids for bodybuilding is the same as taking viagra when you can maintain an erection without it,pure vanity.I own a gym and some of the bodybuilders would make you cringe.They have terrible skin problems,temper problems (roid rage) and shriveled penises.I have a woman managing the gym now and she has twice had to call me to deal with these guys throwing their weight about.
These guys think they are tough but they are idiots,risking their health just to get bigger muscles.


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## LosingHim (Oct 20, 2015)

Former weight lifter here who was very much into the lifestyle for a bit and knows a little bit about the steroid side of it. 

1)	Stop excusing the behavior because he was on steroids. Yes, the majority of the drugs used in body building can alter your personality in some way, shape or form – but they don’t take away your ability to make a choice any more than alcohol does. Period – he chose to use Tren which he knows the side effects of and then chose to text another woman. 
2)	Only YOU can say how you feel about this and whether or not it’s a deal breaker for your marriage. But I would ask – had you ever had discussions about this with him before? What were your boundaries on texting other women? You texting other men? Friendships with the opposite sex? There are many people here that think if you look at someone of the opposite sex you’re cheating on your spouse and others that have much more lax attitudes about it. What is YOUR attitude about it? Did your husband KNOW your feelings about it before this and chose to ignore your boundaries?
3)	I don’t see this as cheating. As soon as you asked, he told you. He switched gyms and jobs so that you would not feel threatened. He has turned his life around to the point where you are his main focus and outside of work, he is ONLY with you. You have found zero other proof or red flags.
4)	How do you let it go? You have to start really looking at the things he’s doing. Is he all words or is he actually DOING? What are his actions showing? Are there any other red flags? Anything else you’re suspicious of? How forthcoming is he of his passwords, phone, social media, etc. if you ask? 


There are a lot of things at play here and ultimately only YOU can determine how you feel and if this is something that you can accept and move beyond. But I honestly don’t think it’s cheating. He just did a dumba$$ thing and we’re all guilty of that at times.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

I mentioned this one time before on this topic.

A long time subordinate and friend was a avid body builder. He was taking massive doses of anabolic steroids.

At a packed meeting, when I questioned why he was so far behind on his project, he blew up and jumped out of his chair. He ran right at me full blast, knocking me off my feet.

He outweighed me by 50 lbs.

But, his eyes were as weak as any little girls. I pushed my thumbs into them and subdued him in seconds.

It was a good thing others came to the rescue. I would have been, well, crushed !!

Yes, he got fired. But the union eventually got his job back, a year later.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Natasha33300 said:


> He swears they were just friends. I know he never slept with her cause he comes home to me evernight.


No, you DON'T know.

If I had a dime for every cheater who conducted their dirty business DURING WORK HOURS and got home every night - right on time - I'd be rich.

You're being naive.



> She gave him her number he did not ask for it. However, he started texting her. He swears it was just a friendship


They all claim "we're just friends!" And as usual, he's made himself out to be the innocent guy who was minding his own business when some woman forced him to take her number. I'm surprised he didn't find someone else to blame for the fact that *he* started texting her. 



> He said he was not trying to hide it and that he did nothing wrong.


Well I'm _relieved_. So you got to read all the texts then, and found out you'd worried for nothing, silly girl!



> He did delete the texts.


Game over.

I'm not sure why some posters are trying to delude you into thinking nothing happened because you're more than likely going to find out there WAS some monkey business going on. And don't bother asking _her_ for information - he's already told her to lie to you. Honestly, it ain't rocket science.



> I read a text message between him and his brother saying he will not be texting her anymore and that we needed this to be close again. He also did tell him she was hot. He also told him
> He never wanted this girl just wanted attention from me and now he has it.


LOL. What a phony baloney text. He knows you're checking his phone now and he *knew *you'd see that nonsense he wrote. 

Did you ever ask lover boy why he DELETED all the texts between he and his 'innocent friend' if it was such an "innocent" friendship?

He's made just about every amateur mistake a cheater can make.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Natasha33300 said:


> I just can't let it go though. ?


That's because your gut doesn't LIE.

And your gut is telling you he's lying.

And he is.


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## Natasha33300 (Oct 11, 2017)

No my gut tells me he is telling the truth. I just can't get over the fact it happened in the first place. I have always trusted him. That's what makes this so hard. The thing is though he didn't lie to me. When I asked who he was talking to he told me. I just can't move on from this.


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## Luvher4life (Jan 15, 2016)

For the sake of your marriage you will have to reconcile this in your mind. Personally, from what I've read it seems that nothing happened outside of the texting. I can't be sure of that, but your gut is telling you that nothing happened. Believe your gut, file it away as a one time inappropriate and brief friendship, and move on. You will have to find a way to let it go or you will drive yourself nuts, and jeopardize your marriage. It's simple from the outside looking in, but you will have to get past this indiscretion or risk your marriage.


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## Natasha33300 (Oct 11, 2017)

Thanks everyone for your help. I need the honesty opinions. I am thinking of contacting this woman just like he said I could. Bad idea? Also should mention we have always had sex daily so that is not an issue for us.


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## Sports Fan (Aug 21, 2014)

It sounds like it was developing into an EA. You dodged a bullet this time. however this type of behaviour should never be tolerated again.


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## Natasha33300 (Oct 11, 2017)

That's what I am trying to figure out! Was it an emotional affair or not? I wonder how long on average it takes for it to get that far. My guess is that it was all normal friend talk and I would assume there was some discussions regarding me.


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## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

Natasha33300 said:


> That's what I am trying to figure out! Was it an emotional affair or not? I wonder how long on average it takes for it to get that far. My guess is that it was all normal friend talk and I would assume there was some discussions regarding me.


 Get some phone recovery software like Dr. Fone and retrieve the deleted texts. Then you'll know and won't have the nagging questions in the back of your mind.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Texting someone of the opposite sex outside work is always dangerous, and taking steroids is just crazy. I hope that he will never do either again.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

Natasha33300 said:


> That's what I am trying to figure out! Was it an emotional affair or not? I wonder how long on average it takes for it to get that far. My guess is that it was all normal friend talk and I would assume there was some discussions regarding me.


I don’t believe it was anything. Thank goodness that this is one of the few times on here this can be said. 

You need to communicate you feelings with your husband and what is going through your mind. This is the only way to get past this.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Natasha33300 said:


> Thanks everyone for your help. I need the honesty opinions. I am thinking of contacting this woman just like he said I could. Bad idea? Also should mention we have always had sex daily so that is not an issue for us.


Why on EARTH would you tell a supposed '_innocent friend_' of his that you have sex every day?

You said you *believe *your husband has told you the truth, and that your 'gut' says he's being honest. So if he's being so honest, why do you need to call her and MORE importantly, why do you need to tell her you have sex with him every day?

Who are you trying so hard to convince that he's so innocent - us or yourself? It must be you because I don't think he's innocent at all.

Go ahead and talk to her. I can* guarantee *you that she'll tell you everything you want to hear - because he's already TOLD her what to say should you call her. Be prepared for her to blow all kinds of sunshine right up your ass. If you actually believe these two haven't already discussed what she should tell you if you call, then I honestly don't know what to say.

You can ignore the valid points in my last post all you want, but the fact remains that he deleted ALL THEIR TEXTS. There's a reason for that and it's not whatever lie he's constructed to explain why he deleted them.

If you're smart, you'll get a hold of his phone and run DrFone or one of the other apps out there that bring *back* deleted texts. Not all texts come back, sometimes none of them do if you wait too long to do this. But some people have been lucky enough to get back JUST enough to see what was *really* being said.

Run that software.


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## Natasha33300 (Oct 11, 2017)

I didn't mean he told her we had sex everyday. I was just mentioning that we do have sex everyday so that would not have been an issue. I will not be contacting her because my husband gave me her name and number. So, if he had something to hide I doubt he would do that. As for deleting the texts I can't focus on that as he has always kept his phone clean. Has always deleted all
Texts and there was nothing to hide before as I have all the phone records. He even keeps the pvr cleaned up. I do believe him. I am just sad he felt the need to talk to her in the first place. He says he didn't think it was a big deal as he texts all his work friends. And he did say he was not hiding it. He couldn't of been hiding it I guess if he told me when I asked. There will just be a part of me that worries he had a crush on this girl. He can't help that right? It was only a couple weeks as well and stopped when I asked him to. Not trying to convince anyone. I guess I am just sad he felt the need to have her as a friend in the first place. But if you read up on the side effects of tren and relationships you can see what it does to your mind. He's not on it now so I doubt there could be any further issues like this. It's a bad drug. I am just feeling sad and hoping he didn't develop some kind of feelings for her.


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## LosingHim (Oct 20, 2015)

Why do you say he "had a crush on her"? Because he told his brother she was hot? I work with a guy that I think is hot, but I don't have a crush on him. He's just easy on the eyes and as time goes on, he gets less and less attractive because I'm used to seeing him every day and the 'novelty' has worn off. He can barely hold a conversation so developing an actual 'crush' would never happen. For me, an actual CRUSH has to be physical and mental. I can see hot guys all the time, but it's rare for me to have a personality connection at the same time. I have a male coworker that I click with personality wise probably better than anyone I ever have. We’re in the same department so we talk a lot. Our sense of humor is the same, we’ll laugh until we almost cry, very similar ideas and ideals about a lot of things, cook a lot of the same things, etc. But there is absolutely zero sexual attraction. He’s overweight, his teeth are yellow, he’s about a 2 on a scale of 1-10. Therefore nothing but friendly feelings. 

I don’t feel like your husband cheated. But I do agree with the poster that said he was definitely playing with fire. I think you just need to really make it clear to him that this is a boundary for you and make sure he knows what your intentions are if he crosses it. But it sounds to me like he has no problem with that. 

As far as deleting texts, if they were the only ones he deleted I’d be concerned. If he deletes them all, then I wouldn’t be. My sister has been single for 2 years and she deletes every single text she receives as soon as she sends it. It drives me INSANE because I’ll text her days or times or addresses or names of something or answer questions about things in the future and she’ll delete the text as soon as she reads it, then forgets the information, will ask me again, I’ll answer – she’ll delete it, and then ask me AGAIN. But she’s been that way for years. Some people are just like that.


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## Natasha33300 (Oct 11, 2017)

Thanks for your reply. I guess I just feel that since he thinks she is hot and is texting her that he must have a crush on her. He has told me he doesn't and I am bein silly. He says he does not like her that way. Those were his words. Maybe it's time to move on before I destroy everything by continuing to fight everyday. It's been 2 months and I haven't stopped. He says he shouldn't be treated like a criminal everyday when he hasn't done anything wrong.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

Natasha33300 said:


> Thanks for your reply. I guess I just feel that since he thinks she is hot and is texting her that he must have a crush on her. He has told me he doesn't and I am bein silly. He says he does not like her that way. Those were his words. Maybe it's time to move on before I destroy everything by continuing to fight everyday. It's been 2 months and I haven't stopped. He says he shouldn't be treated like a criminal everyday when he hasn't done anything wrong.


Well he was taking illegal drugs so he isn?t that innocent. I?m surprised he was able to have sex every day while on tren anabolic steroid,it is a well known testosterone killer. Testosterone levels may never return to previous levels and tren also increases cholesterol levels. 
Frankly your husband comes across as a vain egotistical idiot who is willing to risk his health for vanity reasons. 
You yourself could have been in danger from him because roid rage is very real. As I said,twice I have had to remove bodybuilders from my gym and I was ready to tear them apart if it got physical. It doesn?t pay to appeal to their better nature?s while they are on steroids because they don?t have one.


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## JayDee7 (Sep 12, 2017)

Like someone else said, he was playing with fire. Luckily for you and him he didn't go any further than texting. Still inappropriate, and unacceptable and disrespectful, and you've dealt with it. Good for you two. Keep working on yourselves.

It's also a wake up call for everyone, guard your hearts. There will be people who don't respect your marriage status, hot women and men who will flirt and more with you or your spouse. It's easier to not fall into temptation to those home wreckers when the marriage is going great, sex is good. Take care of your spouse.


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## Natasha33300 (Oct 11, 2017)

He realizes he shouldn't have done it and he was taking testosterone with the tren which kept his sex drive up


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

Natasha33300 said:


> He realizes he shouldn't have done it and he was taking testosterone with the tren which kept his sex drive up


Tell him to get his cholesterol levels checked. He is playing a dangerous game here and could easily have had a heart attack or even a stroke.
How is his skin,is there a breakout of acne,also with the testosterone supplements he runs the risk of hair loss.


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## Herschel (Mar 27, 2016)

Andy1001 said:


> In my opinion taking steroids for bodybuilding is the same as taking viagra when you can maintain an erection without it,pure vanity.I own a gym and some of the bodybuilders would make you cringe.They have terrible skin problems,temper problems (roid rage) and shriveled penises.I have a woman managing the gym now and she has twice had to call me to deal with these guys throwing their weight about.
> These guys think they are tough but they are idiots,risking their health just to get bigger muscles.


This couldn't be further from the truth. Using Viagra isn't about just making you feel good, its about making her feel good. There is a lot of value in being able to not have issues during sex or having sex for a long time for a couple. Steroids is all about you and only you.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

Herschel said:


> This couldn't be further from the truth. Using Viagra isn't about just making you feel good, its about making her feel good. There is a lot of value in being able to not have issues during sex or having sex for a long time for a couple. Steroids is all about you and only you.


In my post I said that anyone who can maintain an erection WITHOUT taking viagra and still takes it does so purely for vanity reasons.


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## Herschel (Mar 27, 2016)

Andy1001 said:


> In my post I said that anyone who can maintain an erection WITHOUT taking viagra and still takes it does so purely for vanity reasons.


I don’t get why anyone would do that? Like, to walk around with a boner 24/7 and not use it?


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

Herschel said:


> I don’t get why anyone would do that? Like, to walk around with a boner 24/7 and not use it?


I’m not sure if you are being facetious or not but I will answer your question.It is common enough for men who have hooked up with a girl,especially a hot one to try and impress her with their sexual prowess.They take viagra to increase their stamina/number of ejaculations just to impress this girl.The problem is if she is really impressed and agrees to further hookups then he has to keep taking the viagra or she will lose interest.


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## Herschel (Mar 27, 2016)

Andy1001 said:


> I’m not sure if you are being facetious or not but I will answer your question.It is common enough for men who have hooked up with a girl,especially a hot one to try and impress her with their sexual prowess.They take viagra to increase their stamina/number of ejaculations just to impress this girl.The problem is if she is really impressed and agrees to further hookups then he has to keep taking the viagra or she will lose interest.


But there is tangible value to that. I mean, we all want to make our partner orgasm and be awesome with them in bed. Increasing stamina and how many times you can pop your cork has very real value. Especially if you both want to have sex that much but the little man has other ideas.

I guess what I’m saying is, obviously, feel however you want to feel, but I see a significant difference between being able to be a beast in bed for her and you and popping steroids solely for yourself.


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## LosingHim (Oct 20, 2015)

BFF's husband takes Viagra and doesn't need to. He takes them - for her - because it makes his erection harder.


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## Sports Fan (Aug 21, 2014)

Natasha33300 said:


> That's what I am trying to figure out! Was it an emotional affair or not? I wonder how long on average it takes for it to get that far. My guess is that it was all normal friend talk and I would assume there was some discussions regarding me.


Feelings and relationships develop through friendship first. No one just hops into bed with each other.

Speaking from a mans perspective if we want a woman, we would befriend her, engage in conversations that interest her, eventually ask her to the innocent coffee or lunch, eventually she will start to open up and talk about her life, problems etc. And we listen and engage as a friend. Then the wheels of physical attraction start to come into play.

As we were not there we cant say 100% it was not physical. But from what you have described sounds like an EA that was heading towards Physical had you not intervened.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

LosingHim said:


> BFF's husband takes Viagra and doesn't need to. He takes them - for her - because it makes his erection harder.


Well if he is constantly taking viagra when he doesn’t need to at least he won’t roll out of bed.
Or pee on his slippers.


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## Natasha33300 (Oct 11, 2017)

So it’s been over 3 months now. I am still going crazy. The doctor says I have anxiety. Since I asked him to stop texting his friends of 3 weeks he has. He has not texted her or even mentioned her unless I bring it up but I can’t get over it. He still says they were just friends. Do I believe him? I know he was not physically cheating on me but I can’t help but wonder if what he did would be considered an emotional affair or just a friendship. It’s driving me crazy. Over the last 3 months he has done nothing but try to make me feel better. He got a wedding ring tattoo, took me to Mexico and is always trying to make me feel better. He wants me to go to the Christmas Party this weekend where this friend will be. He says it’s no big deal. They were just friends. He says now they are not even friends. Is my anxiety out of control? Is this on me? Am I just going crazy?


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## GoingCrazy01 (Jan 9, 2018)

Herschel said:


> Man, there is likely a lot going on here that you haven't told us or don't know about. I always wonder about body builders and those willing to take steroids for no reason other than their looks (unlike sports players). It's a very narcissistic trait and it wouldn't surprise me he needs women to be constantly attracted to him. Maybe that has manifested itself into a quickie of some sort, that I cannot tell you. But, hey, this is your life and I'd always be worried.


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