# Broke the 180, had a breakdown and went off the deep end...



## onceagain (May 31, 2011)

Tonight was horrible but was probably the breakthrough I needed to move on with my life. My husband and I have a blended family, step kids, ex's, the whole disfunctional mess... His ex wife has been a thorn in my [email protected]$ since day one. She would hit on my husband, try to come to the house when I wasn't home toting Vodka with her for them to "have a drink together", she's a train wreck. It got so bad that she was forbidden to step onto my front porch. WELL, since the separation he's become her BFF, taking her back and forth to work, watching her 3 year old daughter while she "tries to get her life back on track", like that will EVER happen...she's a loon!! Anywho, today I went over to his house to borrow the edger to clean up my yard as I am putting my house up for sale and I have someone coming to look at it tomorrow and the yard was overgrown. He didn't answer when I called him, so I dropped by on my way to pick up my son at daycare. His truck was gone, but the garage door was open so I got the edger. The backdoor was cracked so I stuck my head in to tell my step kids I got the edger and my step son was sitting at the computer. He was home alone. So I asked him if he wanted to come over to play with my son. We left my H a note and left. On our way to get my son, my SS said that his mommy almost went to jail today for having too many tickets in our town. She has her license suspended for a DUI and so her mom and my H tote her around town. He said they were on their way to my H house this morning and the grandmother got pulled over and the cop asked for both her and my H's ex's license. She then said she SHOULD take her to jail but would let her go. Darn the luck!! Then I said your mom has been at your house all day? And he said yes. I said well where is she now and he said I don't know I think my dad and her went somewhere??? WTF??? I said to the store, where did they go? He said he didn't know. Now mind you, I just called my H and he didn't answer his phone. So I called again. He answered and said he had taken my SD to the store to get a shirt for church tonight. I said well SS said you were with his mom and she has been there all day. Care to explain? He said she was not there ALL DAY and that he was with her, my SD and the ex's little girl at the store, they were inside and he was waiting in the truck. I asked if he thought that was appropriate and why does he think he always has to be her savior? I said that he was jealous of my therapist and compared my therapy, saving our marriage, to an emotional affair but he can justify this? WTF???? So he then hung up on me. I went home and the boys went to play. I called him back and SHE answered his phone!!!!! I asked to speak to him and asked him if she answered the phone just to kick me in the teeth. He said she was stupid for answering the phone but what did I want him to do. I said I want you to either file for divorce from me OR be fair. I told him he's already repeatedly said that if the tables were turned he would not tolerate this from me so he knows this is WRONG. I said play fair or file. He then went to hang up on me and before he did I heard him tell her, "Do not answer my phone if she calls." I broke down in tears. I called his mom and asked her what I should do. She said I should tell him this is not right. She said she's always told him to get along with his Ex for the kids sake but this was going to far. She was interferring in our marriage AGAIN. I said if I told him to choose he'd choose her. She said to give him time to cool off, he's mad at me???? what did I do anyway???, and then tell him I would not tolerate it. I got off the phone and called my sister who then told me she was ready to run over him with her car and why did I put up with this week after week? She said "What would you tell me to do if this was happening to me?" I said I'd tell her to leave. So I then called him back and told him again this was unfair. I told him he does not care about me so how could he love me? I told him he was dead inside when it comes to me. Why did he hang up on me? He said he hung up so he would not get mad. I asked him why would he get mad at me? I did NOTHING wrong. I am the ONLY ONE trying to save us. He said, "I was tired of hearing you cry and whine. I don't want to hear it anymore." I was so mad. He said I'll call you back and I said no you won't, you never do. He hung up on me again. 

I went inside, typed up the divorce papers using an online service, (we have NOTHING to split so I'm filing on my own without a lawyer, I just want to note my separate property, my house, and change my name and get rid of HIS NAME), emailed them to him, told him to F*&$ OFF, sign the papers and leave them in my mailbox tomorrow. I told him it's time for me to grow a pair and tell him to go F*&# himself. He admitted he would not tolerate this so WHY SHOULD I?? I am so done. I said I quit! I quit! Go F#&$ your ex wife and leave me alone FOREVER. He said before that even if he signed divorce papers, he still could come back at any time??? Excuse me...no more sucker!!! My email was pretty nasty but whatever, I'm MAD!!! I'm glad this happened though, I needed it. He's being shady and selfish and I'm done!!! I told him all bets are off and we are now free to do whatever and WHOMEVER we choose. I said I am going to turn into a middle aged skank and spread it around. What can you do for me, will be my new motto! SCREW MEN!!! That's where I went off the deep end. But the thought of me with someone else KILLS him. He's got the don;t want her, but no one else can have her syndrome! Too bad SUCKER! You should have had some respect for me once in our marriage or once in this separation. 

So that's my story! Yikes, it was long. But I needed to give every detail. My step son, bless his heart is still here spending the night. He's done nothing wrong so why make him go home? And he has no clue what transpired!!

I'm sure the divorce papers will be signed and in my mailbox tomorrow. That coward just kept pushing me and pushing me until I did our dirty work for him. "I need time, I need time, I don't want the divorce yet, I just need time to figure this out" is what he'd say. WHATEVER. Yes he does and he's going to get it! 

Hope my house sells soon so I can get the H#LL away from him and he won't be able to find me ever again.


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## Sparkles422 (Jun 3, 2011)

onceagain: Tough, tough situation. You are right to take the actions that you know in yourself are right. Don't skank yourself, you would be only hurting the most important person in your world, YOU. Vengeance is not worth it. 

It is never pleasant to know your H/W are having some kind of affair. Mine had kindled an high school one (for 50 yrs ago), no spring chickens here. He was texting her, calling her, FBing her and bought motorcycle, left me for the last 3 months, wks at a time and finally went on his last runaway vacay and met her. Well, you can imagine, it was not what he imagined: She is 65 yrs old, married for 45 yrs. You get the picture, he dyed his fumanchu thinking he was going to meet a 35 yr old.

You know, for me, in time I am going to look at this painful episode and laugh my butt off over the transition my 65 yr old husband became. I mean he really is going to be a fount of comedic moments. Silver bullet belts complete with skull and crossbones, same in flags on his bike. He gives that bike presents. Yee gad it is funny, when I look at it in the cold dawn.

You will get through this, keep sharing until you are shared out. Family, friends, therapy etc.... You and they will love you back to health.

And then your new life begins....


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## onceagain (May 31, 2011)

Found her at his house AGAIN today! Went to get a movie back that I had rented for SS that was due to be returned and guess who was there. The Ex Wife...AGAIN! I petitioned the courts today for the divorce. I've had it with him and her... He needs to stop bailing her out and taking responsibility of her and focus on me. I'm his WIFE, separated or not. Either play fair or sign the divorce papers already! Stop waffling! I told him I am DONE with the games. I WILL NOT BE THE OTHER WOMAN IN MY OWN MARRIAGE!!!


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## staircase (May 16, 2011)

Ugh, that really sucks. Sounds like you are on your way to letting this stupid situation go and wash your hands of it. Good job with the papers and filing! That takes guts and you did it.


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