# Forgotten on Christmas, torn about how I should feel?



## Cricket953 (Dec 26, 2020)

Two weeks ago I came to visit my married son and his wife for Christmas and my husband of 31 years joined us on Christmas Eve Eve.  The day my husband arrived my son and daughter-in-law wanted to go to the mall and pick out a few gifts for him, stressing that they didn’t want dad to come all this way and have nothing under the tree. So we went shopping and they picked three or four gifts for him totaling about $50-$60. We rushed to the airport and had a great night wrapping presents and cocoa. On Christmas Eve, my son and husband went out shopping by themselves and came home to wrap presents. Everything was great, loving have a grown child and thankful he was happy and healthy. So.... Christmas morning we get up and make coffee and the four of us gather in the living room. My daughter in law hands out some presents and everyone starts opening their gifts. I sat there thinking that maybe mine were in the back, so I waited patiently and when the last three presents were handed out, the last round there was nothing for me still but they were all excited and my son expressed that it was time for breakfast, and said “MOMS COOKING, FRENCH TOAST PLEASE!“. My husband and son grabbed up the video games they got and off to the tv. I stood in the kitchen and made French toast and cried. I am not so bothered by the fact I didn’t get any presents so much as no one noticed that I didn’t get presents, especially after making such a big deal about they didn’t want dad to show up and not have a present under the tree. How do I process this? This is this first time in 51 years that I have gotten NOTHING. Even during the hard times, we at least made cards for each other acknowledging their presence in our life. I am still upset and don’t know if I should say something or not. Any advise would be appreciated...


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

Wow. I"m so sorry that happened to you. I would have to say something to my husband. I don't know why but I can forgive children even grown ones they aren't use to thinking of parents, especially moms. But your husband really should have thought of you. 

I think both should have noticed you didn't get anything when unwrapping. 

I don't think I would have made french toast. I think I would have announced, no for my christmas present you are making me breakfast. 

hugs.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

I would tell your H AND your son about how much this hurt you. That was a sh*tty thing for them to do.
Why were YOU ignored?
I agree with @Anastasia6 "since I didn't get anything, YOU ALL get to make ME breakfast -- I'm going to go sit down and watch TV".


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## Cricket953 (Dec 26, 2020)

Anastasia6 said:


> Wow. I"m so sorry that happened to you. I would have to say something to my husband. I don't know why but I can forgive children even grown ones they aren't use to thinking of parents, especially moms. But your husband really should have thought of you.
> 
> I think both should have noticed you didn't get anything when unwrapping.
> 
> ...


Thanks for your response, I wish I had thought about them making me breakfast. I finally did break down and tell my husband and he felt so bad for not thinking about me but he has so much on his mind with work and getting ready to leave for three weeks, it was an oversight. He said he never would have thought our son would have over looked it.


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## Cricket953 (Dec 26, 2020)

jlg07 said:


> I would tell your H AND your son about how much this hurt you. That was a sh*tty thing for them to do.
> Why were YOU ignored?
> I agree with @Anastasia6 "since I didn't get anything, YOU ALL get to make ME breakfast -- I'm going to go sit down and watch TV".


Thanks! I wish I had thought of the making me breakfast statement, That would have been a good way to express my sadness!


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

So neither your son or husband got you anything? Wow. Your husbands excuse is quite honestly pretty feeble, you said that he and your son went shopping Christmas eve so he could very easily have got you a gift then. Why didnt your son and his wife get you gifts when they bought your husband some? Did they forget or is there something else going on? The fact that no one noticed is also very weird, most people would have.


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## Dictum Veritas (Oct 22, 2020)

It is disgusting that you are taken for granted so much as to be ignored in the giving spirit of Christmas. I can feel your pain in this OP and know that my heart goes out to you. The fact that after this, your son still reveled at your labor in preparing French-toast is just an added dagger.

It is not okay to be invisible and have a heart invisible to your family, there where you seek to be cherished the most.

They owe you major reoperations for this, but even then after the fact, the damage as already done.

Unless you have been an adulteress wife, nothing justifies this lack of respect.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

It stinks. Inexcusable. Glad your husband apologized. Now how about everyone else?


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## marcy* (Feb 27, 2010)

I am so sorry that they forgot about you. I know that feeling. At least he apologized, but still I know, it hurts. I don’t get it though how they didn’t noticed that you didn’t get anything?! Did they misunderstand something you said and they just thought you didn’t want any presents?


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Wow, and even your DIL sat there and didn't notice a damn thing. That's just unbelievable. I'd be changing my will.

Definitely, bring this up with your son as in "I'd thank you for the Christmas present; but, um, there is nothing to thank you for. You are welcome for the friggin' french toast, though. You better learn how to make it yourself, you selfish brat".


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## Cricket953 (Dec 26, 2020)

Diana7 said:


> So neither your son or husband got you anything? Wow. Your husbands excuse is quite honestly pretty feeble, you said that he and your son went shopping Christmas eve so he could very easily have got you a gift then. Why didnt your son and his wife get you gifts when they bought your husband some? Did they forget or is there something else going on? The fact that no one noticed is also very weird, most people would have.


I thought they didn’t buy them when they bought my husbands because I was there. But they went out with my hubby Christmas Eve and I purposely stayed behind to give them the opportunity to. My husband picked on it but did want to hurt my sons feelings, so he said nothing until I brought it up to him. I thought the same thing that maybe something else was going on but I don’t know.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

I’m sitting here reading this and just thinking about my Mom and what would have happened if the circumstances had been the same.
I’m not sure whether me or my Dad would have been wearing the French toast as a hat but I know one of us would.
This is simply disrespectful and downright rude behavior, you’ve been taken for granted and you should never have put on a brave face, in fact you should have asked them straight out why you didn’t get a gift. And your husbands excuse is pitiful.


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## Cricket953 (Dec 26, 2020)

Dictum Veritas said:


> It is disgusting that you are taken for granted so much as to be ignored in the giving spirit of Christmas. I can feel your pain in this OP and know that my heart goes out to you. The fact that after this, your son still reveled at your labor in preparing French-toast is just an added dagger.
> 
> It is not okay to be invisible and have a heart invisible to your family, there where you seek to be cherished the most.
> 
> ...


I have a faithful and dutifully wife and mother while working a full time job from which I retired from 3 years ago...


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## Cricket953 (Dec 26, 2020)

jorgegene said:


> It stinks. Inexcusable. Glad your husband apologized. Now how about everyone else?


I just don’t know how to bring it up with them without sounding like a whiner.


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## Cricket953 (Dec 26, 2020)

marcy* said:


> I am so sorry that they forgot about you. I know that feeling. At least he apologized, but still I know, it hurts. I don’t get it though how they didn’t noticed that you didn’t get anything?! Did they misunderstand something you said and they just thought you didn’t want any presents?


No I pointed out several things out to them when they were shopping for my husband so if they didn’t know what to get me they had some clues. I have very simple tastes and nothing I pointed out was more than $20. Any ideas how I bring this up?


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## Cricket953 (Dec 26, 2020)

Thanks everyone for your responses. Does anyone have any ideas how to bring this up without exploding on them or sounding like a whiner. I have 2more weeks here and it has just sucked the life out of me.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Cricket953 said:


> I thought they didn’t buy them when they bought my husbands because I was there. But they went out with my hubby Christmas Eve and I purposely stayed behind to give them the opportunity to. My husband picked on it but did want to hurt my sons feelings, so he said nothing until I brought it up to him. I thought the same thing that maybe something else was going on but I don’t know.


So your husband noticed that your son hadnt bought you anything, but he hadnt bought you anything himself and didnt notice?
As I see it the issue is that they bought your husband a few presents but got you nothing. Now in some families with young children or grandchildren there is an agreement that no one buys for the adults just the children or it gets so expensive, but I just dont get how you could buy for one spouse and not the other. I also just dont get how they could all sit there with their little pile of presents opening them and not notice you had none and werent opening anything. If there had been a very large group of people then maybe it could happen in all the noise and chaos, but with only 4 there its hard to understand how this could happen. Still it did, I honestly think that your husband should do the decent thing and mention it to your son, and that you were rather upset.


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

It already happened. You can't change it. People show you who they really are. Your family is ungrateful.

It would not mend relationships but my first reaction would be to tell them how hurt I was that not one single person thought of me when buying gifts, opening gifts or during breakfast other than an appliance. Then I would leave and go back home where I am comfortable. 

But alas this won't fix anything. But I also wouldn't allow people to take me for granted.

I find it also very hard to believe or accept no one noticed you crying in the kitchen. That means they left you all alone without even checking to see if they could help or set the table or anything. OR they did notice and chose not to say anything because then they would have to deal with it instead of playing video games.

I often try to be the bigger person and let things go but this was pretty ****ty.


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## sunsetmist (Jul 12, 2018)

Did you buy gifts for anyone? Maybe your months stay was considered a gift? Did your husband have a gift for any one--even an envelope with cash?


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## hamadryad (Aug 30, 2020)

Cricket953 said:


> Thanks for your response, I wish I had thought about them making me breakfast. I finally did break down and tell my husband and he felt so bad for not thinking about me but he has so much on his mind with work and getting ready to leave for three weeks, it was an oversight. He said he never would have thought our son would have over looked it.


It's not right and I won't justify it, nor give him an out, but I think many women feel that men should have the same zest and enthusiasm for shopping and gift selection that they do...Most guys are terribly clumsy at this task and I can tell you that probably a lot of guys out there spend more time researching and buying a new set of rims for their truck tor some other crap, then they did on an engagement ring, but they'd never admit to that...

Heck, a lot of the gifts many guys give may have been shopped for by a female office manager, sister or someone else...That's not saying that some guys aren't shopping mavens, but most, IME aren't...

I think it was an oversight and the fact that he apologized and felt bad about it should be worth something and perhaps forgivable in this case....It did sound like he had a lot on his plate...02


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

I'm so sorry they hurt you this way on Christmas. This is the ultimate in being taken for granted. Don't buy any of them a damn thing next year or go see them or anything.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Cricket953 said:


> Does anyone have any ideas how to bring this up without exploding on them or sounding like a whiner. I have 2more weeks here and it has just sucked the life out of me.


Just detach for a few minutes from your emotions. Calmly tell them that you feel taken for granted because they not only didn't even put forth the effort to buy you a gift, but then had the nerve to ask you to make them breakfast. Then just say you aren't going to play the doormat/victim role for the rest of your stay. Believe me, if you remain calm and state your case, you'll get your point across.

If you choose to go this route, I'd be very interested to hear their responses. I wish you the best!


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## marcy* (Feb 27, 2010)

Cricket953 said:


> No I pointed out several things out to them when they were shopping for my husband so if they didn’t know what to get me they had some clues. I have very simple tastes and nothing I pointed out was more than $20. Any ideas how I bring this up?


Just let them know that you had a good time with them, even though you would have liked getting something from them, same as your husband.


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## zookeeper (Oct 2, 2012)

I'm finding it impossible to buy that you were overlooked by accident. This has the distinct odor of an intentional exclusion. Although I suppose it is possible that they thought you did not want a gift, I'm not buying it. You were remembered immediately when they wanted breakfast. 

I think your husband knows more than he wants to say. How in hell would your gift not come up at all when he was out shopping with them on Christmas Eve? Once he claims he did notice, how did he not take his son aside and plant a shoe in his ass? Is he the conflict-avoidant type? How is your relationship with your daughter-in-law? A passive-aggressove DIL could be the source.

I would calmly bring this up and be 100% truthful and upfront without getting too emotional (that may be difficult, I know). Simply state that you are hurt and confused as to why your son did not even go to the effort of a card for you and how awful it felt to then be dispatched to cook breakfast alone. Don't argue, just see what they say. The answer may be painful, but you need to know or this will likely fester.

I really feel awful for you. My odious former sister in law was despised by our entire family, but we never excluded her at the holidays. She always received a comparable gift to those exchanged between the rest of the family. It's common decency. 

I am becoming angry for you as I think more about it.


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## Cricket953 (Dec 26, 2020)

Cricket953 said:


> I have been faithful and dutifully wife and mother while working a full time job from which I retired from 3 years ago...When my son got married just after boot camp the DIL has been a little cumbersome but she is young and feels she has to prove she is more important than I am. She was very upset that he wanted mom on graduation instead of GF at the time, so maybe that’s it she is behind this. Maybe he thought she got something. I just don’t want my last two weeks in Hawaii to suck....


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## moulinyx (May 30, 2019)

I am sorry this happened to you. I think everyone here would feel upset they were excluded. It isn’t even about the gift. No one likes the feeling of being forgotten, especially since you were instructed to cook right after.

Regarding the DIL, I highly doubt this was malicious. I am not on the greatest of terms with my husband’s family (neither is my husband) and for the sake of self preservation we have decided we handle all gifts/calls to our respective families. Maybe she expected your son and husband to take the lead? I stopped mothering my husband and now he steps up to the plate after being embarrassed a few times. Though I am sure it reflected poorly on us both, he needed to learn to show his appreciation for his family and not assume I am orchestrating everything for him.

I agree it is worth a conversation and think your husband should mention it to your son to keep it private.


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## Cricket953 (Dec 26, 2020)

sunsetmist said:


> Did you buy gifts for anyone? Maybe your months stay was considered a gift? Did your husband have a gift for any one--even an envelope with cash?


I brought More than $1000 worth of gifts for them each and when I arrived bought more than $500 worth of groceries. My son is stationed in Hawaii so gifts are hard to travel with but I found a way to get out and buy their gifts here before Christmas.

The husband didn’t buy any gifts because he knew I spent a lot on them already and the gifts were from Mom & Dad... I talk to my husband a little bit today and told him I was gonna bring it up to my son away from the DIL and he said to just drop it. That I would hurt his feelings and ruin the visit with him. Now I am torn to be a mom and say something (life skill teaching event) or let it go (not hurting his feelings), I think I am gonna take him to Starbucks and have a life teaching moment with my son about just how Christmas Day made me feel. Oh BTW the DIL is purposely leaving the dishes undone to see if I will clean the house for her too.....um NO!


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

I would CERTAINLY bring it up to him. Hurt HIS feelings? Umm, excuse me, but he IS an adult, yes? Too bad if you hurt him a bit since HE was the one who was thoughtless and didn't get you any presents although he gushed over getting them for his Dad...


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Cricket953 said:


> I brought More than $1000 worth of gifts for them each and when I arrived bought more than $500 worth of groceries. My son is stationed in Hawaii so gifts are hard to travel with but I found a way to get out and buy their gifts here before Christmas.
> 
> The husband didn’t buy any gifts because he knew I spent a lot on them already and the gifts were from Mom & Dad... I talk to my husband a little bit today and told him I was gonna bring it up to my son away from the DIL and he said to just drop it. That I would hurt his feelings and ruin the visit with him. Now I am torn to be a mom and say something (life skill teaching event) or let it go (not hurting his feelings), I think I am gonna take him to Starbucks and have a life teaching moment with my son about just how Christmas Day made me feel. Oh BTW the DIL is purposely leaving the dishes undone to see if I will clean the house for her too.....um NO!


$1000 each??? Wow. That is a LOT of money. Maybe tone that right down in the future. $100 is more than enough for a Christmas gift surely? Your husband who they did buy for got gifts worth $50, maybe stick to that amount next time.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

hamadryad said:


> It's not right and I won't justify it, nor give him an out, but I think many women feel that men should have the same zest and enthusiasm for shopping and gift selection that they do...Most guys are terribly clumsy at this task and I can tell you that probably a lot of guys out there spend more time researching and buying a new set of rims for their truck tor some other crap, then they did on an engagement ring, but they'd never admit to that...
> 
> Heck, a lot of the gifts many guys give may have been shopped for by a female office manager, sister or someone else...That's not saying that some guys aren't shopping mavens, but most, IME aren't...
> 
> I think it was an oversight and the fact that he apologized and felt bad about it should be worth something and perhaps forgivable in this case....It did sound like he had a lot on his plate...02


Even though he and his son went Christmas shopping together on Christmas Eve??? He forgot he had a wife to buy for???

The son and his wife went Christmas shopping twice in 2 days, once with the OP and once with her husband, who were they buying for? Did no one mention the mum/wife?
Now neither my husband or I are that bothered about gifts, I love to give but am not bothered about what I get, BUT if my children all bought my husband presents but not me, and not only that I bought my husband gifts and he forgot me despite going Christmas shopping Christmas Eve, I would wonder what on earth was going on and yes I would feel hurt and rejected. I would also feel hurt that not one of the three adults in the room who were supposed to love me and care about me even noticed that I didnt have a single present being given out from under the tree and nothing to open. As I said its not the present is it, its the thought that goes into getting you something and treating you the same as your husband.
The fact that when out with you they were stressing that they didnt want your husband to come all that way and get nothing, yet they forgot you?
Do you they usually buy you gifts for Christmas and birthdays? 

You are there for 2 more weeks you may want to leave it till you get home and send your son an email mentioning it.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Cricket953 said:


> Two weeks ago I came to visit my married son and his wife for Christmas and my husband of 31 years joined us on Christmas Eve Eve. The day my husband arrived my son and daughter-in-law wanted to go to the mall and pick out a few gifts for him, stressing that they didn’t want dad to come all this way and have nothing under the tree. So we went shopping and they picked three or four gifts for him totaling about $50-$60. We rushed to the airport and had a great night wrapping presents and cocoa. On Christmas Eve, my son and husband went out shopping by themselves and came home to wrap presents. Everything was great, loving have a grown child and thankful he was happy and healthy. So.... Christmas morning we get up and make coffee and the four of us gather in the living room. My daughter in law hands out some presents and everyone starts opening their gifts. I sat there thinking that maybe mine were in the back, so I waited patiently and when the last three presents were handed out, the last round there was nothing for me still but they were all excited and my son expressed that it was time for breakfast, and said “MOMS COOKING, FRENCH TOAST PLEASE!“. My husband and son grabbed up the video games they got and off to the tv. I stood in the kitchen and made French toast and cried. I am not so bothered by the fact I didn’t get any presents so much as no one noticed that I didn’t get presents, especially after making such a big deal about they didn’t want dad to show up and not have a present under the tree. How do I process this? This is this first time in 51 years that I have gotten NOTHING. Even during the hard times, we at least made cards for each other acknowledging their presence in our life. I am still upset and don’t know if I should say something or not. Any advise would be appreciated...


WTF.

What is the matter with those people. 

YOU SHOULD TELL THEM ALL TO F'OFF. 

AND STOP DOING ANYTHING FOR THEM. THEY TAKE YOU FOR GRANTED AND ARE ****TY PEOPLE!


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Cricket953 said:


> Thanks for your response, I wish I had thought about them making me breakfast. I finally did break down and tell my husband and he felt so bad for not thinking about me but he has so much on his mind with work and getting ready to leave for three weeks, it was an oversight. He said he never would have thought our son would have over looked it.


You husband is a ass. That is the lamest excuse imaginable. I am sorry to say this but he thinks of you like his car or something, a utility. 

Once again don't do another thing for these entitled douche bags.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Cricket953 said:


> Thanks everyone for your responses. Does anyone have any ideas how to bring this up without exploding on them or sounding like a whiner. I have 2more weeks here and it has just sucked the life out of me.



Tell them you are leaving then go take any money you planed to loan or were saving for both your kids, or husband and yourself and go on vacation by yourself.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

hamadryad said:


> It's not right and I won't justify it, nor give him an out, but I think many women feel that men should have the same zest and enthusiasm for shopping and gift selection that they do...Most guys are terribly clumsy at this task and I can tell you that probably a lot of guys out there spend more time researching and buying a new set of rims for their truck tor some other crap, then they did on an engagement ring, but they'd never admit to that...


Again I know I am being harsh here but I am pissed on your behalf, also I am a man. I hate when people have such low opinions of men, men who treat their wives like their "mommies" reinforce that though. If he can buy rims he can figure out some stuff you like. Everything about that paragraph above "false" to be nice, to not be nice it's some ********. 

Men are just as capable of getting gifts they just have to give a crap. You husband is just an ass plain and simple, what genitals he has has nothing to do with it. He may be using them as an excuse to be lazy, uncaring and entitled however. 

You could do better.

It's almost unbelievable. It seems like stockholm syndrome.


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## hamadryad (Aug 30, 2020)

sokillme said:


> Again I know I am being harsh here but I am pissed on your behalf, also I am a man. I hate when people have such low opinions of men, men who treat their wives like their "mommies" reinforce that though. If he can buy rims he can figure out some stuff you like. Everything about that paragraph above "false" to be nice, to not be nice it's some ******.
> 
> Men are just as capable of getting gifts they just have to give a crap. You husband is just an ass plain and simple, what genitals he has has nothing to do with it. He may be using them as an excuse to be lazy, uncaring and entitled however.
> 
> ...


I couldn't care less if you are pissed or not... 😂 Go back and re read the post....I said it was wrong and don't justify it...

So you are great at gift giving/selection...Good for you...But i'll reiterate what i originally said...*A LOT of guys aren't.*...They wind up giving horrible gifts and don't really "get" the process, because the rest of the year they don't ever do it....Just look at how many of the "standard dozen red roses" that millions upon millions of guys buy on V day...Great,...no effort...If they do make an attempt at it, they get mocked then for not knowing and showing up with a lousy gift, only to the hear the same old "well, i guess the thought counts"-(sigh)...then proceed to feel like a complete jackass..

Women, in general, IME, love to shop...They think of everything...they put enormous thought into these things...It's not bullshyt, it's just a fact that I have witnessed time and time again...

Some of the lousiest male gift givers i've known are also the same guys that everyone counts on and are there for everyone's needs...and ironically many who pay for almost everything(often actually indirectly paying for their own gifts! 🙄 )....does that make them d-bags because they don't even know what the hell to get women most of the time(in the gift sense)??

Ok...read this again.,...this time slooowlllly..._"*It's not right and I won't justify it, nor give him an out "*_


None of us know what really happened here outside of what the OP stated, and nor do we know what this guy does or doesn't do for the other 364 days of the year, other than what the OP posted....Maybe you and the others are right, make a federal case out of it. throw him to the curb over it...Apologies be damned..


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

hamadryad said:


> I couldn't care less if you are pissed or not... 😂 Go back and re read the post....I said it was wrong and don't justify it...
> 
> So you are great at gift giving/selection...Good for you...But i'll reiterate what i originally said...*A LOT of guys aren't.*...They wind up giving horrible gifts and don't really "get" the process, because the rest of the year they don't ever do it....Just look at how many of the "standard dozen red roses" that millions upon millions of guys buy on V day...Great,...no effort...If they do make an attempt at it, they get mocked then for not knowing and showing up with a lousy gift, only to the hear the same old "well, i guess the thought counts"-(sigh)...then proceed to feel like a complete jackass..
> 
> ...


Lots of women are lousy gift givers too, gender has nothing to do with it. Men shouldn't get a pass. Besides that in OP's case the men can't be a lousy gift giver if they don't give a gift.


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## maree (Jun 13, 2011)

I'm sorry this happened to you. I would be extremely hurt by this. I would just privately speak to my son and tell him how you feel. Its an awkward conversation but it sounds like you really need to get it off your chest. I'd just tell him that it hurt your feelings to see they purchased your husband gifts but not you. If your son is rational he will understand and make it up to you. I know if I forgot my moms gifts and she told me it hurt her feelings I would be crushed that I did that to her. Maybe he doesn't realize how much this meant to you, maybe he thought dad had you covered. But the fact he bought gifts for your husband and not you is even more hurtful.

If saying it is difficult maybe it would be easier to write it out. This is obviously something that really hurt you and I whole heartedly disagree with your husband telling you to forget it. You can't forget something like this, it's very hurtful.


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## maree (Jun 13, 2011)

hamadryad said:


> So you are great at gift giving/selection...Good for you...But i'll reiterate what i originally said...*A LOT of guys aren't.*...They wind up giving horrible gifts and don't really "get" the process, because the rest of the year they don't ever do it.


It doesn't take a genius to give a gift. If someone is crap at gift giving, give cash or a gift card. I'm a woman who is terrible at shopping. I always make sure everyone has a gift even if it's an Amazon gift card or Visa card. There isn't any excuse in the world to leave someone out during Christmas, (unless they're financially struggling, but even then shouldn't just be targeted to one person) also given they bought gifts for everyone else, and then state that the person left out is going to be making them breakfast. That makes someone feel used and unappreciated. All son or husband had to do was pick up a gift card, they're at almost every store even gas stations.


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## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

Cricket953 said:


> Thanks for your response, I wish I had thought about them making me breakfast. I finally did break down and tell my husband and he felt so bad for not thinking about me but he has so much on his mind with work and getting ready to leave for three weeks, it was an oversight. He said he never would have thought our son would have over looked it.


what? Your husband didn’t blame your son for HIS piss poor actions did he?

seriously, be flaming mad at ALL of them! 😤 your husband risks getting out to work and can’t stop for a gift on his way home in the past month? He needs to learn to be a better husband!
Stop making them breakfast! You’ve spoiled all of them to the point where they didn’t value you - they just use you!

speak up! Your passive aggressive demeanor is harmful to the whole family! State your feelings and what caused them - do this for yourself. It’s your responsibility to state how you feel and why. Your husband shouldn’t be made to speak for how you feel.


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## AGoodFlogging (Dec 19, 2020)

Some people really do put up with utterly **** behaviour don't they? Not a single present on Christmas day? And you made them breakfast?!!! If I did that to my wife my head would probably be on a spike outside the front door.

You husband and your adult son both have no excuse there. How completely disrespectful and inconsiderate.


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## Harold Demure (Oct 21, 2020)

I am so sorry this happened to you. I think your husband really has to step up here for the remaining two weeks of your holiday and spoil you something rotten. You should start by asking him to bend over so you can give him the almighty kick up the arse he deserves 😆. HE should be doing the washing up, HE should be doing all the things you are expected to do! 

Next, I would decide what I want to do for the remainder of the holiday and be incredibly selfish in doing it. They owe you big time!

I kind of agree that you should leave discussing things with your son UNTIL you get home and then I would lay the guilt on very thickly.

DIL, well that just seems normal. I think every woman is intimidated by her MIL, no matter how well you may get on and she is trying to make her mark, as you have already identified. We found just smiling and giving her her moment worked best for us.

FINALLY, I THINK THIS SHOULD BE A BIG TURNING POINT IN YOUR LIFE, A CATALYST FOR YOU TO RE-ESTABLISH YOUR ROLE WITHIN YOUR MARRIAGE AND BE MORE ASSERTIVE. TIME TO GET YOUR HUSBAND DOUNG MORE AND NOT TAKING YOU FOR GRANTED BECAUSE THIS RESENTMENT MAY JUST BE THE STARTING POINT FOR SOMETHING WORSE. I WOULD FIND IT DIFFICULT TO FORGIVE AND FORGET THIS.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

I agree that men especially can be terrible at buying presents, its usually left up to the wife to do that stuff, but the truth is that the three of them went Christmas shopping on Christmas Eve and none of them bought anything for the wife/mum. Who did they buy for? They had already got presents for the dad the day before, so that wasnt forgotton. Did not one of them even mention their mum/wife and her presents? I find this quite bizarre.


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## syhoybenden (Feb 21, 2013)

Cricket953 said:


> Thanks everyone for your responses. Does anyone have any ideas how to bring this up without exploding on them or sounding like a whiner. I have 2more weeks here and it has just sucked the life out of me.


If I was in your shoes I would have already booked an early flight home.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

I'm thinking the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.....your son learned to take you for granted from your husband.

Not only would I absolutely say something to my adult son, of which I have two (17 and 20), I would stop making much effort for my husband.

Baby's feelings will be hurt? Too bad.....he's a grown ass man and its really his father who should ask him what the hell is wrong with him. But since his father either doesn't have the balls or simply doesn't care enough to deal with it you absolutely should.

Your hb can kiss my ass. I agree with sokillme that grown men are quite capable of putting in some effort. They may or may not be the BEST gift givers, but let's not expect so little of them that we assume they just can't be expected to make any effort at all. Especially since he thought of everyone else.

Geez....my 55 year old bf's mother is one of the first people he thought of when he started Christmas shopping.


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## Harold Demure (Oct 21, 2020)

Sorry, quick after thought. How would you feel about showing the both of them this thread? It should make them realise the hurt you are going through, rather than just rug sweeping.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

I would be planning an early departure. A month is an awfully long time to have in-laws under your feet. When you get home, then you can plan how to tell your son. Perhaps, you can ask him if he and his wife felt your visit was an imposition and that's the reason they left you out at Christmas. 

Just who were your son and husband buying presents for?


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## hamadryad (Aug 30, 2020)

It's for instances just like these that many families have instituted a policy of no gift giving among the adults...Get the kids a little something and that's it...Look at all the intrigue and drama over this...Even when gifts are exchanged, then you get the "I spent x and he/she only spent y!" Type of crap...It's ridiculous, really....

It's like people I know and clients that buy me bottles of booze over the holidays...I graciously accept, then usually wind up pouring down the sink after they leave as I don't drink.....such a waste...Or the sweaters and crap that you would never buy or wear, and don't have the time to take back to the store...and don't want to insult the person by saying you returned it...


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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

Cricket953 said:


> Thanks for your response, I wish I had thought about them making me breakfast. I finally did break down and tell my husband and he felt so bad for not thinking about me but he has so much on his mind with work and getting ready to leave for three weeks, it was an oversight. He said he never would have thought our son would have over looked it.


I can get the oversight of you not getting anything, as in with all the rushing around, it was the idea, oh someone else get her something. But the fact that they didn't notice when you unwrapped nothing, and had no gifts around you.....that is the bigger problem. The other question is, is anyone doing anything to address the situation?


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

Cricket953 said:


> Does anyone have any ideas how to bring this up without exploding on them or sounding like a whiner.


Nope, because I think exploding is the appropriate response here. And if their fee-fees get hurt or they feel like absolute shyte, GOOD! Each and every one of those selfish and self centered jackasses deserve at least that.



Cricket953 said:


> I talk to my husband a little bit today and told him I was gonna bring it up to my son away from the DIL and he said to just drop it. That I would hurt his feelings and ruin the visit with him. Now I am torn to be a mom and say something (life skill teaching event) or let it go (not hurting his feelings),


So, your husband not only didn't bother with even a small token of caring, but he gives so few ****s for your feelings he wants you to accept this treatment from the lot of them? What a peach. I guess I understand. I mean, if you start realizing your worth and standing up for yourself then he might have to actually behave better, too.

Hurt the son's feelings. That's rich! He completely neglected you and then had the nerve to ask you to cook for everyone. He doesn't see you as a person with feelings. He sees you as "mom bot". An appliance that meets his needs. Yeah, to Hell with that, the self centered little prick. He behaved badly and deserves the blistering he gets.



Diana7 said:


> I agree that men especially can be terrible at buying presents, its usually left up to the wife to do that stuff, but the truth is that the three of them went Christmas shopping on Christmas Eve and none of them bought anything for the wife/mum.


I'm still trying to wrap my head around it. THREE grown adults go Christmas shopping and NOT ONE of them even bothers to get just a small thing for their wife/mom? Not even a card and a box of chocolates? Nothing!?!?!?! Adding insult to injury, they don't even realize she didn't get a single gift. The cherry on top? They ask HER to cook THEM breakfast. Not even the grace to realize their self-centeredness and pretend they planned to make her a super awesome breakfast all along. Nothing.

My hand itches to slap the snot out of each and every one of em.

I spent my younger years poor. Even so, I still managed to do something for my mom on the traditional days. Christmas, her birthday, Mother's Day. Even if all I could do was hand make her something I made sure she knew she was loved and appreciated for being mom. Even if she insisted she didn't want presents my dad would make sure he got her things he knew she needed so she couldn't complain he was "wasting money on her". 

Mom died in 1996. She was just 44 and it was very unexpected. We miss her still, my dad, siblings, and I. I can't imagine having a perfectly good mom and treating her like these people. It's heartbreaking and infuriating.


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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

Cricket953 said:


> No I pointed out several things out to them when they were shopping for my husband so if they didn’t know what to get me they had some clues. I have very simple tastes and nothing I pointed out was more than $20. Any ideas how I bring this up?


Bluntly. This was a major problem. It doesn't deserve to be cat footed around. They should consider themselves lucky some of us are not there. I would be all but yelling at them for you.


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## BeetleJuice53 (Dec 29, 2018)

Cricket953 said:


> Thanks everyone for your responses. Does anyone have any ideas how to bring this up without exploding on them or sounding like a whiner. I have 2more weeks here and it has just sucked the life out of me.


I'd say "it's so nice of you to let me pick out my own gift, I thought you all forgot about me" drop the mic.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

As for men being crap at gift buying I can’t speak for all men but I have had issues. One time I went into a toy store to buy for a toy drive and I sat there for what must have been 15 minutes before I picked the first toy.

It doesn’t take much to buy for your wife though. I knew my wife needs a new light raincoat and she likes a particular retailer she has been too busy to go to. So I got her an e-card for that store delivered on Xmas morning. Easy and she loved the idea behind it. If you don’t know your own wife then who do you know?

OP if your tradition is for everyone to buy gifts and exchange them then you have been slighted. I would ask your husband to address it with your son as I know for me if my mom told me, “Hey you’re a jerk!” it would have little impact compared to my dad doing it. If he refuses or you have a different relationship with your son then I like the coffee idea I think that would work better with my own mom.

Full disclosure I didn’t get my mom anything this year. Only Mother’s Day and her birthday and I always get her flowers and an Amazon gift card.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

ccpowerslave said:


> As for men being crap at gift buying I can’t speak for all men but I have had issues. One time I went into a toy store to buy for a toy drive and I sat there for what must have been 15 minutes before I picked the first toy.
> 
> It doesn’t take much to buy for your wife though. I knew my wife needs a new light raincoat and she likes a particular retailer she has been too busy to go to. So I got her an e-card for that store delivered on Xmas morning. Easy and she loved the idea behind it. If you don’t know your own wife then who do you know?
> 
> ...


Why not? Did she get you anything?


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

Blondilocks said:


> Why not? Did she get you anything?


She always gives gag gifts. Gift swapping at Xmas isn’t really a tradition in my family with the exception of the gag gifts my mom gives out. Our family is more along the lines of if you want something just buy it.


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## joannacroc (Dec 17, 2014)

I would be hurt by this. Definitely calmly approach the topic, maybe with your son individually. Even if they didn't pick up on your gift hints, a badly chosen gift would have meant something because they thought of you. A boyfriend once bought me an expensive perfume that wasn't my favorite (I do tend to wear perfume my family gives me). But apparently he went around sniffing lots of women's perfumes and gave it to me because he thought it smelled really sexy like me. We are no longer together (it was a long time ago) but it was the thought that counted even though it wasn't my favorite, because he obviously made a lot of effort. My guess is that it is what is upsetting you - they forgot you, and didn't make the effort to choose something. 

Are you someone for whom gifts mean a lot? I know different people have different love languages. Do you prefer people to give you verbal praise, physical affection, or gifts or all of the above? It sounds like you aren't getting much of any of those during your stay. Do you think it's possible you're upset because they don't seem as though they are showing much love in general - in other words, that your upset goes beyond just lack of the gift itself? 

I am ashamed to say that one year I forgot to pack my mom's gift when I traveled to see them and only realized whgen I put them all out under the tree. I was mortified and fessed up. I treated her to a trip to the salon since she wanted to get her hair done and took her to lunch to try and make up for it. Mums are often taken for granted.


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## Bluesclues (Mar 30, 2016)

I would’ve been very hurt too. I think you should say something to them as a group, don’t wait until you are home. And don’t just say something to your son - my guess is lack of communication with the DIL is part of the problem. Over dinner one night just say “I so appreciate you all and the time we have been able to spend as a family. I need to share that I was hurt that I wasn’t included in the gift exchange Christmas morning. It left me feeling unappreciated”. And then stop talking and see what they say.


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## sunsetmist (Jul 12, 2018)

I'm older and difficult to buy for as I don't NEED much. So now at about Thanksgiving one of my children asks if I have any Christmas wishes. ( This is a now 'trained' occurrence--I must have ideas in case they ask and they usually do). Then they all discuss 'my Christmas list.' As the holiday approaches, I think of reasonable possible gifts. May be you 'collect' something you like. Maybe you want a contribution toward something for which you are saving. I get hair salon gift certificates, food I like for the freezer, things for my garden, etc.  Your having to travel long distances with gifts limits selection. Sometimes my kids go in together and sometimes have their own ideas. I never select really expensive things.

This year I did a lot of online shopping and had gifts mailed to the homes of kids and grands I would not be seeing.

Only you know how you want to handle this. You are hurt and feel unappreciated. If this happens again, you will wish you had done something. I'd be tempted to say, "I know I'm hard to buy for at Christmas, but it's the thought that counts, so from now on I'll come up with a list of possibilities if y'all are interested." Then, no matter what, find something to love about their gifts--even just how thoughtful they are. If none arrive--your husband now knows how you feel--ask him why this keeps happening.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

I am hoping that the OP can tell us if gift giving is usually different. For example does her husband usually buy her gifts for her birthday and Christmas? Do her son and DIL usually buy her Christmas gifts? If so then its hard to understand why this year is different.


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## sunsetmist (Jul 12, 2018)

Been thinking about your situation. Not knowing the dynamics of your family, does your DIL work outside the home? How long have they been married? Were you and your husband invited for a month's stay? What has happened on gift-giving situations in the past?

IMO: A mom has to remember that she is a guest in the home of her son and DIL. It can be a touchy situation!! A month is a long time. Do they have sufficient room? When I'm invited to visit my kids, usually 4-7 days, I ask ahead of time what I can do to help out while I'm there--baby-sit, cook, buy groceries, help with pets, help with laundry and certainly take care of my needs. I'm driving, so I ask what I can bring from home. I bite my tongue when mom-type suggestions fly through my head. Everyone has different traditions. I try to be loving, caring, and agreeable and I am treated similarly. Gift-giving usually causes more happiness for the giver than the receiver!! Something is wrong. Your husband should help you figure out what .


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## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

Sunsetmist - those suggestions are beside the point. They totally overlooked her for a simple gift for Christmas! The things you list have nothing to do with their lack of gift giving.

the bottom line is - they really treated her poorly and she should state that as fact so they know it is not acceptable and very hurtful! Her husband made matters worse by not getting her anything! AND he didn’t prompt the kids to get a gift for her either! So he had even worse participation than they did!!!


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## Cricket953 (Dec 26, 2020)

Harold Demure said:


> Sorry, quick after thought. How would you feel about showing the both of them this thread? It should make them realise the hurt you are going through, rather than just rug sweeping.


That is exactly what I was planning on doing, sitting down with my son at Starbucks and had him my tablet. Then take it from there...


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## Cricket953 (Dec 26, 2020)

Blondilocks said:


> I would be planning an early departure. A month is an awfully long time to have in-laws under your feet. When you get home, then you can plan how to tell your son. Perhaps, you can ask him if he and his wife felt your visit was an imposition and that's the reason they left you out at Christmas.
> 
> Just who were your son and husband buying presents for?


Well I thought me, but honestly I don’t know what the hell they bought?


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## Cricket953 (Dec 26, 2020)

Diana7 said:


> I am hoping that the OP can tell us if gift giving is usually different. For example does her husband usually buy her gifts for her birthday and Christmas? Do her son and DIL usually buy her Christmas gifts? If so then its hard to understand why this year is different.


I have two boys 20 months apart, so in the past we have always bought them one BIG present and a few little things that go with it or needed. My husband and I usually buy what we want throughout the year so Christmas was just a token gift and a cards saying how much things meant this year. I would take the boys out and shop for Dad and Grandparents then my husband would take the boys and buy for mom. 
After talking to my husband again last night, I told him I thought his response to my lack of a Christmas present pretty ****ty. He said he had thought about it and he feels really bad that he didn’t ask my son if he got his mother something, and as far as no present from him, to be fair we just bought a new house and with that all new furniture and he thought that would count for something. I told him it did so why no card saying I hope you like the new house and stuff, I look forward to all Christmas with you in it or something to that effect. Instead he let me feel so used and unappreciated by him and my son, and dismissed my feelings. I am gonna talk to my son tonight...

Thank you to everyone here for letting me know that my feelings were not selfish, because it really is not that I didn’t get a present it is that I got overlooked, felt unappreciated and dismissed.


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## Cricket953 (Dec 26, 2020)

sunsetmist said:


> Been thinking about your situation. Not knowing the dynamics of your family, does your DIL work outside the home? How long have they been married? Were you and your husband invited for a month's stay? What has happened on gift-giving situations in the past?
> 
> IMO: A mom has to remember that she is a guest in the home of her son and DIL. It can be a touchy situation!! A month is a long time. Do they have sufficient room? When I'm invited to visit my kids, usually 4-7 days, I ask ahead of time what I can do to help out while I'm there--baby-sit, cook, buy groceries, help with pets, help with laundry and certainly take care of my needs. I'm driving, so I ask what I can bring from home. I bite my tongue when mom-type suggestions fly through my head. Everyone has different traditions. I try to be loving, caring, and agreeable and I am treated similarly. Gift-giving usually causes more happiness for the giver than the receiver!! Something is wrong. Your husband should help you figure out what .


Yes I understand that a month is a long time but I think our situation is a little different....My son graduated high school, joined the Army and got married all within 6 months. He came out of boot camp and is stationed in Hawaii since then. They live so far away and it is so expensive to visit this is only the second time I have seen my son in two years. They asked if I could come a few weeks before his dad to have time to help my DIL with some things ( teaching her to cook, grocery shopping like an adult, things like that) Then my husband would arrive a the vacation would start. My husband is here for two weeks and yes they have a spare bedroom and spare bathroom for us and I have made it a point to be respectful of my sons home. I have also been careful not to be under foot and give them time to be alone ( it is only their second year of marriage) . I even gave them a restaurant gift card to go out for their anniversary and have cooked dinner a few times for her.


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## Emerging Buddhist (Apr 7, 2016)

Cricket953 said:


> Thank you to everyone here for letting me know that my feelings were not selfish, because it really is not that I didn’t get a present it is that I got overlooked, felt unappreciated and dismissed.


Hurt does that... especially when brought to the light.

You neither need to explode nor be a whiner... just be honest as you talk with your son.

I would go for a walk with your son (more privacy) and then take a breath to tell him you are disappointed to have been excluded in the gift giving, that while you don't understand why it would be nice to understand and will give him time to understand the hurt and disappointment you are feeling. Let him know you don't need an immediate answer, that if he wants to give you a meaningful gift to think about what happened and why.

If you need to, write down what you felt on a notecard and stick to the message because chances are great that once they realize how they have been they will trip over themselves trying to explain without really thinking about all that is needed, people caught in the open will do this, it is our nature if we do not reflect deeply in our behaviors.

That your husband did not want you to bring it up and ruin "his" time too is totally uncool as well as the assumptions that a new house and stuff would be the effortless to free him... he should have your back on this at a minimum, and in strength take this time to show your son how responsibility comes in all forms by being there at your side if not the lead once you shared with him... ugh.

A lot of disappointments here...

Right now, don't be torn... you can share so much now by being loving and show by example how buffering some hurt with kind and true discussion is a powerful tool to use, especially with those you love. Keep your conversation true, kind, and necessary... be aware so while having it, it doesn't spiral off into things that are not part of the hurt. Be patient and listen and if it gets emotional don't be afraid to share your cup is full and you need a break.

If all choose to be aware and realize how terrible it must have felt and are humbled by their actions, the rest of your stay can be an enjoyable one with new insights of how we should treat others.

The important thing is to take the time and practice how loving and kind wishes for your loved one will keep your heart from clouding in resentment and anger. Some may call it a "higher road", I like to think of it as an opportunity to love ourselves more by not letting others unthoughtful actions dictate who we are.

Were you "wronged"... in the sense that they were too wrapped up in themselves to pay attention, you bet. They were horribly neglectful in showing you the love and respect they should have.

My military side says "in the absence of leadership, you lead".

No better way than with love.

You go, Mom... show your son a better path, maybe his dad can learn something too.


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## Harold Demure (Oct 21, 2020)

I have to say I don’t think your husband is behaving at all well and his attitude towards his lack of present is quite frankly appalling. It seems to me that he just does not get why you feel so hurt by HIS failures, deflecting instead to his son.

Do you think that there are actually two issues here?

Firstly, your son who really needs a proverbial clip round the ear and such a rollicking that will make sure he doesn’t forget ever again.

Secondly, your husband’s behaviour and attitude towards you. He does not even now properly acknowledged how his total lack of thought has affected you, deciding to deflect blame on to your son. His reasons for not buying a present or even a card are quite frankly pathetic.

Firstly, next time it is his birthday I would get him nothing, nada, not even a card and I would go so far as to not even acknowledge it was his birthday. Actions speak louder than words, which, to be honest, he does not seem to even acknowledge when you express your feelings.

As I said before, I think there may be some deeper problems with your marriage which may not be too serious at the moment but may need addressing before they take on greater import. 

Has he become complacent in his attitude towards both you and your marriage?
Does his attitude make you feel more like his unpaid housekeeper than his wife?
Do you feel used and unappreciated?
Have you actually ever stopped to think about this and could this Christmas be a catalyst for action?

Really not trying to stir the pot of hatred here but your Posting on here shows that you, yourself, think there is a problem. However, the real issue with problem solving is identifying what the real problem is that needs solving.

A relatively easy technique is known as “the 5 why’s”. A full description of the technique is not appropriate on here but it is easily found on Google

I do hope the actions of others does not ruin your holiday completely and that you can create a lot of happy memories during this break.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Cricket953 said:


> Yes I understand that a month is a long time but I think our situation is a little different....My son graduated high school, joined the Army and got married all within 6 months. He came out of boot camp and is stationed in Hawaii since then. They live so far away and it is so expensive to visit this is only the second time I have seen my son in two years. They asked if I could come a few weeks before his dad to have time to help my DIL with some things ( teaching her to cook, grocery shopping like an adult, things like that) Then my husband would arrive a the vacation would start. My husband is here for two weeks and yes they have a spare bedroom and spare bathroom for us and I have made it a point to be respectful of my sons home. I have also been careful not to be under foot and give them time to be alone ( it is only their second year of marriage) . I even gave them a restaurant gift card to go out for their anniversary and have cooked dinner a few times for her.


If your son isn't thoughtful enough to get his mother a Christmas present I suspect he is headed for some problems in his marriage. I think you need to address this sooner rather then later for his benefit, I would make sure he NEVER does this to his wife. See how his father's cluelessness hurt you.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Cricket953 said:


> Thank you to everyone here for letting me know that my feelings were not selfish, because it really is not that I didn’t get a present it is that I got overlooked, felt unappreciated and dismissed.


I am hope you understand that I am not trying to criticize you when I say this but it's more like I am concerned for your well being. 

Something is wrong that you even think this. It's normal to be hurt, but I'm sorry it's not a normal reaction to question the right to be. What is also not normal is for no one to get the Mother of the family a Christmas gift or a husband not to give his wife, mother of his children a card. 

You can see that from how harsh the response was on your behalf. To be this selfless is just not healthy. You have a right to have expectation. You have a right not to want to be taken for granted. You have a right to be honored and treated with love and respect, not as just someone to use for help. Why don't you feel like you do.

The other thing that worries me is that I suspect your daughters-in-laws are not going to be this way. I hope your sons are prepared for that. 

I am sorry but I can't even imagine a world where I took anyone this for granted.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Your husband just keeps digging his hole deeper. Excuses are all he is offering. He doesn't want to be a bad guy so he keeps deflecting to your son. He didn't want you to bring it up with son because then his own lack of consideration would be brought to light. A sincere apology would go a long way with you. 

I hope your talk with your son went well.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

My husbands adult sons are completely selfish. Since I married him 15 years ago they have never bought him a card or present. My own children (his step children) are far more thoughtful and even buy him fathers day cards and see him as their dad. Some people are just selfish sadly.


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## AGoodFlogging (Dec 19, 2020)

Cricket953 said:


> I have two boys 20 months apart, so in the past we have always bought them one BIG present and a few little things that go with it or needed. My husband and I usually buy what we want throughout the year so Christmas was just a token gift and a cards saying how much things meant this year. I would take the boys out and shop for Dad and Grandparents then my husband would take the boys and buy for mom.
> After talking to my husband again last night, I told him I thought his response to my lack of a Christmas present pretty ****ty. He said he had thought about it and he feels really bad that he didn’t ask my son if he got his mother something, and as far as no present from him, to be fair we just bought a new house and with that all new furniture and he thought that would count for something. I told him it did so why no card saying I hope you like the new house and stuff, I look forward to all Christmas with you in it or something to that effect. Instead he let me feel so used and unappreciated by him and my son, and dismissed my feelings. I am gonna talk to my son tonight...
> 
> Thank you to everyone here for letting me know that my feelings were not selfish, because it really is not that I didn’t get a present it is that I got overlooked, felt unappreciated and dismissed.



What was your husband's response to your statement? You know, after he made another excuse about buying some furniture and you shot him down again? Did he have anything further to say?

If you haven't already I'd recommend making your talk with your son short and to the point. You were upset that he only got his father a present and it made you feel disrespected and unloved as a mother and that he should consider that before the next major fily celebration or holiday comes around. You are his mother so no need for lengthy discussions.


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## joannacroc (Dec 17, 2014)

Diana7 said:


> My husbands adult sons are completely selfish. Since I married him 15 years ago they have never bought him a card or present. My own children (his step children) are far more thoughtful and even buy him fathers day cards and see him as their dad. Some people are just selfish sadly.


I slightly agree with you but I do think that kids have to be taught empathy sometimes. My youngest had to be taught how to think of someone else, plan for their birthday, make something and write a nice card. You have to hold a young child's hand and prep them. After a few years of that for everyone's birthday, and Christmas, kids usually have the habit of doing it for themselves. Empathy can be taught. But to adults that is WAY trickier than kids.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

Cricket953 said:


> hey asked if I could come a few weeks before his dad to have time to help my DIL with some things ( teaching her to cook, grocery shopping like an adult, things like that)


Oh, this just keeps getting better and better. They asked you to come finish raising his wife because apparently she wasn't near ready for marriage and adulthood despite being a married adult _and then_ forget to even buy you a token Christmas gift?


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## Not (Jun 12, 2017)

Your husband should have apologized then spoke with your son himself. It's bad enough this happened at all but then to leave it on you to make the others aware is just cruel. It's the least he could do to make it up to you.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

joannacroc said:


> I slightly agree with you but I do think that kids have to be taught empathy sometimes. My youngest had to be taught how to think of someone else, plan for their birthday, make something and write a nice card. You have to hold a young child's hand and prep them. After a few years of that for everyone's birthday, and Christmas, kids usually have the habit of doing it for themselves. Empathy can be taught. But to adults that is WAY trickier than kids.


Yes I agree. One of his sons is autistic(recenty diagnosed at age about 30) so not sure if that makes him so rude and mean?


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## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

Cricket953 said:


> That is exactly what I was planning on doing, sitting down with my son at Starbucks and had him my tablet. Then take it from there...


why aren’t you doing this with your husband as well? He should be held accountable for doing nothing for your happiness too!!!


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## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

Cricket953 said:


> I have two boys 20 months apart, so in the past we have always bought them one BIG present and a few little things that go with it or needed. My husband and I usually buy what we want throughout the year so Christmas was just a token gift and a cards saying how much things meant this year. I would take the boys out and shop for Dad and Grandparents then my husband would take the boys and buy for mom.
> After talking to my husband again last night, I told him I thought his response to my lack of a Christmas present pretty ****ty. He said he had thought about it and he feels really bad that he didn’t ask my son if he got his mother something, and as far as no present from him, to be fair we just bought a new house and with that all new furniture and he thought that would count for something. I told him it did so why no card saying I hope you like the new house and stuff, I look forward to all Christmas with you in it or something to that effect. Instead he let me feel so used and unappreciated by him and my son, and dismissed my feelings. I am gonna talk to my son tonight...
> 
> Thank you to everyone here for letting me know that my feelings were not selfish, because it really is not that I didn’t get a present it is that I got overlooked, felt unappreciated and dismissed.


Your husband sounds like a complete jerk!
I’d let your son know how you feel - and head home now = early!


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

Diana7 said:


> Yes I agree. One of his sons is autistic(recenty diagnosed at age about 30) so not sure if that makes him so rude and mean?


This really depends on him as an individual. I know some people on the spectrum and have since before Autism was nearly as understood. We just thought those peeps were "a bit off" or eccentric.

There are definitely those who are just jerks. More commonly, though, they seem to actually feel deeply and care very much, but don't understand how and when to express such. Less rude and more "I didn't even think of that!" or "Huh? Why would I do/say that? It doesn't make sense to me at all!" clueless.

With the long time friends it's been like speaking different languages and having to translate. Very clear and direct communication and asking for clarification helps A LOT.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

It sounds like you go above and beyond for everyone. I hope they normally go above and beyond for you. If not, I would stop being so nice and teach them a lesson in respect and reciprocity.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

MJJEAN said:


> This really depends on him as an individual. I know some people on the spectrum and have since before Autism was nearly as understood. We just thought those peeps were "a bit off" or eccentric.
> 
> There are definitely those who are just jerks. More commonly, though, they seem to actually feel deeply and care very much, but don't understand how and when to express such. Less rude and more "I didn't even think of that!" or "Huh? Why would I do/say that? It doesn't make sense to me at all!" clueless.
> 
> With the long time friends it's been like speaking different languages and having to translate. Very clear and direct communication and asking for clarification helps A LOT.


Its hard to know but he comes across as incredibly rude and has treated his dad and I very badly in recent years and has got worse and has become more or less a hermit. Anyway he has now declared that he doesnt want to see my husband for 3 years due to something my husband apparently said the last time they met up where he apparently didnt 'respect his feelings' so we dont need to worry. His other son lives in Oz and has just bought a house there so we assume he is staying(he never tell us anything) which is also a relief. 

Sorry for the thread Jack.


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## seadoug105 (Jan 12, 2018)

I can’t help but wonder what kind of a picture this paints for your DIL... I’ve heard it said that a young woman should “watch how a man treats his mother. To get a glimpse of how he may treat his wife...” What does this say to her.... She may not see it as an issue right now, but when people get married really young it’s those little “red flags” that blow up in a young person’s head who might be questioning life decision like “Did I get married to young?” “Did I date enough to make a forever decision on partners?” “Did I marry the right person?”

I’m probably taking it an extreme, but it might not be that far of a stretch. Him knowing this is important and it might be important to the long term health of his own marriage to ”recognize“ it to his wife (DIL).

So I believe you should have a heart to heart with your son about how it makes you feel... but also that it does paint a picture to his young wife about is acceptable treatment of a dedicated hard working supportive wife and mother in the eyes of the men in your family. 

Just my random thoughts on it..


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## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

How about her husband? He is just as much or even more responsible for overlooking her completely for the holiday.

have you emphasized yet to your husband that his discounting your hurt feelings is unacceptable? Is he usually one to push blame to others?


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

seadoug105 said:


> I’ve heard it said that a young woman should “watch how a man treats his mother. To get a glimpse of how he may treat his wife...”


The OP had to come and teach the young wife how to cook and shop. It was also mentioned the marriage came directly after HD graduation when the son went into military service. I'd bet the young woman in this scenario still thinks quite a lot like a teenager. She sees mother in the same way the son does. Notice she didn't offer to cook breakfast despite OP being there to teach her to cook and she also didn't think to buy or do anything for the OP.

In a few years when she's matured and gotten some life experience she's going to see things _very_ differently.



Beach123 said:


> How about her husband?


Gee, I think we may have discovered where the boy got it from. Wife/Mom Appliances are an afterthought unless some service is required.


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## seadoug105 (Jan 12, 2018)

MJJEAN said:


> *In a few years when she's matured and gotten some life experience she's going to see things very differently.*


The point I was trying to make (without man-splaining).... you did it better!


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

maquiscat said:


> I can get the oversight of you not getting anything, as in with all the rushing around, it was the idea, oh someone else get her something. But the fact that they didn't notice when you unwrapped nothing, and had no gifts around you.....that is the bigger problem. The other question is, is anyone doing anything to address the situation?


The more I read on this thread, the more I think it was probably a deliberate snub. And I'd have salted the bloody French toast.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Diana7 said:


> Yes I agree. One of his sons is autistic(recenty diagnosed at age about 30) so not sure if that makes him so rude and mean?


It might do. Though years of being undiagnosed could have had an impact. (Sorry for the T/J!  )


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## kag123 (Feb 6, 2012)

I just read your update that you have not seen your son much in the last two years. It also seems like there might be some tension there between you and the DIL. 

I would be feeling very uncomfortable about staying with them for such a long time given the tensions. Personally, I'd look for another place to stay on the island for the remainder of your trip and stick to seeing them for dinner maybe a few times instead of being in the house with them. It could be a lot on them to have inlaws that they haven't seen much during their married life suddenly living with them for a month. That's just my opinion, of course. 

I'd personally let the gift thing go at this point. I would focus on letting my H know what I thought of his behavior, but I would not bother with my son. Maybe write him a letter after you return home if you feel like you really need to say something. But I wouldn't bother with straining the relationship further than it is. Put some space between you and your son and DIL and plan some activities for yourself while there to make the most of your trip. 

In the future I would refrain from purchasing gifts for son and DIL. If there is tension between you and DIL, its going to put your son in an impossible position where he has to choose between his wife and his mother. As the mom I would not want to get involved in that and would gladly back off to let him figure it out on his own. 

Sent from my SM-N950U using Tapatalk


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## joannacroc (Dec 17, 2014)

Diana7 said:


> Yes I agree. One of his sons is autistic(recenty diagnosed at age about 30) so not sure if that makes him so rude and mean?


Oops somehow I missed that detail. Individuals with ASD often have trouble understanding sarcasm or social niceties if they depart from logic or their worldview. Every person with ASD is different but empathy sometimes has to be explicitly taught to someone with autism - specific skills as part of a program. If he was diagnosed as an adult it's not too late but will be tricky as he has had years without support. Often those whose symptoms are less obvious to an outside observer don't receive the social emotional support they need. There is a strong tendency to genetic inheritance as at least one of the possible causes. OP have you noticed traits in your husband over the years associated with ASD?


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## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

I agree that they were aware of what was happening - and they all chose to ignore it. Which is _highly_ dysfunctional.

How do four people sit together in a room, sharing in a very specific group activity, on a very specific occasion, yet be genuinely oblivious to the needs of one? They don't.

When I was young, my grandmother would go on international trips. And when she'd come home, she'd fill up her huge dining table with gifts for everyone. The table would be covered with unwrapped presents.

And my most prominent memory of one of those times was when family members were being given several fine, expensive gifts - except my dad.

He was given a miniature abacus.

Comparatively speaking, it was like giving him something from the dollar store, while the rest of us were being treated to 5th Avenue.

And I remember feeling so uncomfortable, because even at a young age, I knew it was wrong that most of us had received so much, while he had received so little.

Situations like this are humiliating and dehumanizing. There simply is no reasonable excuse.



MattMatt said:


> The more I read on this thread, the more I think it was probably a deliberate snub. And I'd have salted the bloody French toast.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

MattMatt said:


> It might do. Though years of being undiagnosed could have had an impact. (Sorry for the T/J!  )


I noticed that he had some sort of issues with relationships etc when I met my husband. He was then age 17. I told my husband then I thought he may be autistic and it turned out I was right. It was another 11 or 12 years till he got some sort of diagnosis and had some sort of counselling. However he has got worse and worse since then and has managed to alienate most of the people he knows, (which isnt many), including us now. Oh well he is a man in his 30's now, how he lives his life is up to him, but he isnt helping himself at all.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

joannacroc said:


> Oops somehow I missed that detail. Individuals with ASD often have trouble understanding sarcasm or social niceties if they depart from logic or their worldview. Every person with ASD is different but empathy sometimes has to be explicitly taught to someone with autism - specific skills as part of a program. If he was diagnosed as an adult it's not too late but will be tricky as he has had years without support. Often those whose symptoms are less obvious to an outside observer don't receive the social emotional support they need. There is a strong tendency to genetic inheritance as at least one of the possible causes. OP have you noticed traits in your husband over the years associated with ASD?


Sorry thats not the OP's son, its my step son. Sorry for confusing you.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

minimalME said:


> I agree that they were aware of what was happening - and they all chose to ignore it. Which is _highly_ dysfunctional.
> 
> How do four people sit together in a room, sharing in a very specific group activity, on a very specific occasion, yet be genuinely oblivious to the needs of one? They don't.
> 
> ...


Thats what I dont get at.all. Only 4 people in a room, one giving presents out to 3 of them and no one noticed that the 4th didnt get given any? Everyone opening their presents and no one noticed that one person was just sitting there with nothing? Its unbelievable that this wasnt picked up on. Even IF she was accidently forgotton in the present buying, how could 3 people not notice that one of them had been completely missed out? I find that pretty unbelievable. I would have noticed very early on if one person in my family had nothing.


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## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

I personally have been treated this way on Christmas - not this specific scenario, but very similar situations. More than once.

So, it's very easy for me to believe @Cricket953's account of things.

And it's kind of just a shock to the system when it happens, and it feels very surreal. And in the moment, it doesn't feel safe to bring it up, because then I'm the problem. I'm the one causing 'drama'. I'm ruining Christmas.

So, I could be wrong, but I don't believe this is a first. It may be a Christmas first, but this type of behavior is a pattern/lifestyle for some. This is not an accident or a misunderstanding.



Diana7 said:


> Thats what I dont get at.all. Only 4 people in a room, one giving presents out to 3 of them and no one noticed that the 4th didnt get given any? Everyone opening their presents and no one noticed that one person was just sitting there with nothing? *Its unbelievable that this wasnt picked up on.* Even IF she was accidently forgotton in the present buying, how could 3 people not notice that one of them had been completely missed out? *I find that pretty unbelievable.* I would have noticed very early on if one person in my family had nothing.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Cricket953 said:


> Thanks everyone for your responses. Does anyone have any ideas how to bring this up without exploding on them or sounding like a whiner. I have 2more weeks here and it has just sucked the life out of me.


Things like this, suck the life out of me, out of us.
I am crushed, and I am not your kin.

I am so sorry.
Being sorry and sad is my small gift for you at this time.

Christmas time is said to be a glorious time.
It is for many, not all.
Not all, a'tall.

Tell just one, a female, of your disappointment. Make it the lady who cannot keep secrets.
I suppose that would be the DIL?

Yes, she may not wish to pass on her shame, and expose it, then add it to the others.

Ah, people.They so suck.

_Are Dee-_


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

minimalME said:


> I personally have been treated this way on Christmas - not this specific scenario, but very similar situations. More than once.
> 
> So, it's very easy for me to believe @Cricket953's account of things.
> 
> ...


Gods,

I add my sorry's to you, also.

Hating drama, I would make sure, even those I have no liking of, got presents.
I say this as a_ Martian _lady.


_Nemesis-_


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Surrounding yourself with people who have no caring, or no empathy for others is asking for pain.

You need to find a better crowd to spend your time with.
Your present family finds you 'hanging' with them.

I might add that your son and his wife may be merely too self centered and obtuse. 
They could be rather, just dead heads and not evil, but also not good relatives.
You can do better.

Phew.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

MJJEAN said:


> The OP had to come and teach the young wife how to cook and shop. It was also mentioned the marriage came directly after HD graduation when the son went into military service. I'd bet the young woman in this scenario still thinks quite a lot like a teenager. She sees mother in the same way the son does. Notice she didn't offer to cook breakfast despite OP being there to teach her to cook and she also didn't think to buy or do anything for the OP.
> 
> In a few years when she's matured and gotten some life experience she's going to see things _very_ differently.
> 
> ...


A mature answer.
Thanks.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

MattMatt said:


> It might do. Though years of being undiagnosed could have had an impact. (Sorry for the T/J!  )


When more facts come out, the self-flogging begins.


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## joannacroc (Dec 17, 2014)

Diana7 said:


> Sorry thats not the OP's son, its my step son. Sorry for confusing you.


Haha ok no worries. At least I didn't miss something in the original post I guess


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

minimalME said:


> I personally have been treated this way on Christmas - not this specific scenario, but very similar situations. More than once.
> 
> So, it's very easy for me to believe @Cricket953's account of things.
> 
> ...


Was that a deliberate thing by more than one family member? Or accidental?

I am very keen to always be fair with things like that. When my 3 children were younger I always made sure they had the exact same number of presents.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

joannacroc said:


> Haha ok no worries. At least I didn't miss something in the original post I guess


Thanks.


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## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

My personal experiences were not accidents or misunderstandings. And yes, on Christmas, multiple people were involved each time.



Diana7 said:


> Was that a deliberate thing by more than one family member? Or accidental?


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

@minimalME , did you ever get an explanation or resolution?


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

minimalME said:


> My personal experiences were not accidents or misunderstandings. And yes, on Christmas, multiple people were involved each time.


So this was a deliberate snub.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Diana7 said:


> Was that a deliberate thing by more than one family member? Or accidental?
> 
> I am very keen to always be fair with things like that. When my 3 children were younger *I always made sure they had the exact same number of presents.*


If you didn't, you could be fairly certain you would hear about it.

Children are very quick to point out injustice, even if it is 'perceived' injustice.


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## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

Diana7 said:


> So this was a deliberate snub.


I don't think it's 'deliberate' in that everyone sits around and discusses it, and then they all agree. It's more like people silently take their cues from others.

And I don't know if it's fear (of one specific person) or indifference or something else.

Each individual involved may not even approve, but they go along.

To me, it's like folks who witness something wrong (like a rape), but don't speak up and/or stop it.



jlg07 said:


> @minimalME , did you ever get an explanation or resolution?


Not really.

As much as members go on about honesty and transparency on this site, I often wonder if that level of communication is truly real, or if it's just an ideal.

My family has never valued genuine communication. Truth doesn't fare very well in a dysfunctional system.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

minimalME said:


> Not really.
> 
> As much as members go on about honesty and transparency on this site, I often wonder if that level of communication is truly real, or if it's just an ideal that people go on about.
> 
> My family has never valued genuine communication. Truth doesn't fare very well in a dysfunctional system.


I'm really sorry you had to deal with that


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## Cricket953 (Dec 26, 2020)

jlg07 said:


> @minimalME , did you ever get an explanation or resolution?


Okay yes I addressed the situation and am in the process of typing it out... Thanks for Caring. I will post by morning what happened. Shall I just say they all got their ass chewed and the fight was on but I will fill you in soon, sorry I am a slow typer and want the whole story there.... Thanks!


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

minimalME said:


> Truth doesn't fare very well in a dysfunctional system.


Correct!

Truth, especially that inter-personal notion is not a Universal Value in humans. It has always been incidental, and individually valued.

It is more a learned value (cultural) than a natural one. And, 1st person truth often has links to any shame present in an individual.

Unfortunately, all Truth can be a convenient and/or disposable concept..

Real Truth must be truly faced. That can be painful or embarrassing, again to some, not to all.

Truth enjoys avoidance.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Cricket953 said:


> Okay yes I addressed the situation and am in the process of typing it out... Thanks for Caring. I will post by morning what happened. Shall I just say they all got their ass chewed and the fight was on but I will fill you in soon, sorry I am a slow typer and want the whole story there.... Thanks!


I suspected it would get ugly if done in person.


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## hamadryad (Aug 30, 2020)

I think for some people, it's not as if it's a deliberate snub or some gross form of indecency-as some have suggested, it's just the fact that if something wouldn't bother them, or they somehow don't think it's important to them, then they think it's the same for others...If I got emotionally distraught for every time I got shafted on Father's Day. Christmas or whatever i'd need to be institutionalized....I never thought about it for a second or ever kept any kind of scorecard...I figure it's just what men are expected to do..(not be bothered by it)...

For that reason, I have even been guilty of similar infractions to what happened here...and I have tried to learn from it, as I know it's not right at all.. Part of the problem is as I said, I am a terrible shopper and just don't do it or think about it too much...The times I have to, to be honest, it represents a chore...And people naturally avoid those if they can..

Perhaps there will be a learning experience here and everyone can move on from it...


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## Cricket953 (Dec 26, 2020)

Okay, I was listening to my son and his wife talking about how much they loved their Christmas presents from us. Not knowing I was there my son said to his wife , hey.... I am worried it looked like mom didn’t get anything for Christmas.....you did go get the slippers and night gown I saw online? She said “OH **** I FORGOT”. He then said “please tell me we didnt forget my mother on Christmas”
The DIL said did you get the bell or the challenge coin at your work.....”He dropped his head and said.....

“F ME WE FORGOT ABOUT MY MOM ON CHRISTMAS”. 

My son came straight upstairs and almost caught me eavesdropping and fell to his knees and was bawling. “. Mom OMG I forgot to get your Christmas present”. He showed me the text from the other day asking the DIL to pick up the slippers and nightgown with a picture.... Yesterday when we were at the PX he bought me a pair of earring and took me out to dinner. The DIL avoided me for a few days but she finally came out on the back porch and Thanked me for everything I have done for her over the years and she was sorry she forgot to pick up the present. 

NOW. *On the other my husband of 32 years was still in the dog house until about 3 hours ago when he came home from a day out with my son and had bought AND WRAPPED two dresses, another pair of earrings and a new engagement ring (which got stolen a few years ago). He spared no expense and broke down crying, asked me to marry him again but he would understand if I said no, because he has been a class A jerk.*

My heart is healed and I am glad it was just and oversight and not a snub...



Thank you everyone for your support, I have opened my eyes to the way he treats me and will no longer be his doormat.....OH they also brought me breakfast in bed!


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Bless you, so pleased its all worked out.


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## Harold Demure (Oct 21, 2020)

Hooray, so glad everything worked out well in the end. Very happy new year to you and remember, husbands have to be jerks at least once a year, it is in our job description 😆


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## Elizabeth001 (May 18, 2015)

So great to see a happy ending around here...YAY!

Well done & Merry, albeit belated, Christmas! 


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


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## pastasauce79 (Mar 21, 2018)

Great outcome! Happy New Year!!


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## tigerlily99 (Nov 21, 2015)

That's awesome! Literally made my day.  I'm so glad you shared the outcome.
Happy New Years!!


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## jin (Sep 9, 2014)

What à wonderful delight to read a happy ending on here for a change! ️


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## moon7 (May 5, 2013)

I just read the ifirst part and WTF


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## The IT Guy (Oct 17, 2020)

I’m SO happy that things worked out for you.


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## moon7 (May 5, 2013)

Phhheew, im glad it worked for the best at the end.


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## 21stcenturyfox (Nov 29, 2020)

I just finished reading your entire thread and I am so glad this worked out happily for you. I remember when I was a kid (I think about 8) going to my grandparents' house for Christmas and apparently our entire extended family - which is quite large, my mom was one of 11 kids and there were almost 30 grandchildren - had decided without telling my parents that they weren't going to buy presents for me or my siblings because my parents were much better off financially than any of my mom's siblings so according to them we already had enough. No one stopped to think about the fact that it would hurt us when our cousins were getting piles of presents from all their aunts and uncles while we didn't even get the annual packet of $5 worth of McDonald's gift certificates or the box of chocolates all the other kids got. My sister and I had always been our grandmother's favorites (because we grew up right next door to them) and it especially hurt that even our grandparents didn't give us anything. My parents were FURIOUS that no one had thought to warn them so they could have given us a heads up (or suggest that it was a bad idea because little kids wouldn't understand why they were being left out). Suffice it to say, payback's a *****, because the next year my parents didn't give gifts to any of my aunts, uncles, or cousins, and their gifts were missed, because they were always the most expensive. My love language is gifts, so this hurt me for a really long time which is probably why I still remember it 40 years later.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Cricket953 said:


> Okay, I was listening to my son and his wife talking about how much they loved their Christmas presents from us. Not knowing I was there my son said to his wife , hey.... I am worried it looked like mom didn’t get anything for Christmas.....you did go get the slippers and night gown I saw online? She said “OH **** I FORGOT”. He then said “please tell me we didnt forget my mother on Christmas”
> The DIL said did you get the bell or the challenge coin at your work.....”He dropped his head and said.....
> 
> “F ME WE FORGOT ABOUT MY MOM ON CHRISTMAS”.
> ...


Is it me or is someone cutting onions in here?

That was a pretty good recovery from everyone. Sounds like you deserved it.


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