# Husband is always threatening divorce



## LeoNyan29 (Nov 14, 2012)

First off i have another thread in the depression forum here: http://talkaboutmarriage.com/anxiety-depression-relationships/61823-who-person-i-am-living.html

My husband is depressed and on medication but with very little positive results. Everytime we argue he always says how much he wants a divorce, that i should leave him, that our marriage i not good and we need to seperate. 

He has gone as far as getting the paper work for a no fault divorce but no further.

I have specifically told him that if he wants me gone he needs to pay for my move back to the USA. We both live in tokyo, he is japanese and i am american. I paid for my own move here as well as most of our wedding and initial living expenses. 

I dont think this is an unreasonable demand as i dont own very much and i only want to return home with my two cats. My husband has agreed but had not lifted a finger to save up for this move. He doesnt make so much money so he would have to get an extra job to pay for it. It has been 4 months and nothing. He hasnt done anything to look for the extra job, save up or anything. He just keeps complaining.

Now i know with his depression he may just be saying things out of anger/ frustration but its wearing me down and im sick of hearing it. I think maybe he hopes i will just give up and go away on my own but i dont have enough money to relocate myself either.

Is there anyway for me to handle his threats? Some way to get him to put up or shut up? As far as laws go in japan a no fault divorce is the most common and works out as long as both parties agree to whatever arrangements they set up but i really dont trust my husband to keep his end of the bargain so im refusing the sign anything until i have 3 plane tickets in my hand and my stuff out the door.

Any advice, ideas, knowledge is welcome! Thanks in advance!


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## MSC71 (Aug 1, 2012)

Anywhere you can go for a week or so there? Friends? Next time he threatens divorce go stay at a friends for a week and ignore him. Maybe then you will see if he is serious or just saying that


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## LeoNyan29 (Nov 14, 2012)

I am planning to go to my grandmas for two weeks next month and i dot have a few friends i can stay with for a day or two but not for a week. I think me going would give him exactly what he wants somehow.


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## muchoconfuso (Sep 22, 2012)

My husband is always threatening divorce too. I've about had enough. He has never followed through in 6 years of threats. The constant threatening is really stressful though. 
I feel like you, like somehow I'd be giving him exactly what he wants if I leave for a bit. But, It may be time to give him what he wants and get on to a less stressful spot in life. It's been so hard for me. And I'm still not sure I want a divorce. 
Best to you. May the threats stop soon for you....


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## MSC71 (Aug 1, 2012)

*Re: Re: Husband is always threatening divorce*



muchoconfuso said:


> My husband is always threatening divorce too. I've about had enough. He has never followed through in 6 years of threats. The constant threatening is really stressful though.
> I feel like you, like somehow I'd be giving him exactly what he wants if I leave for a bit. But, It may be time to give him what he wants and get on to a less stressful spot in life. It's been so hard for me. And I'm still not sure I want a divorce.
> Best to you. May the threats stop soon for you....


Or he may realize what he has after you leave.


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## LeoNyan29 (Nov 14, 2012)

Thanks for the reply and best to you too. To make matters more difficult we are married under japanese law so the process for divorce is very different than the usa. I am thinking of implementing the 180 but is that a wise thing to do with a depressed spouse? Im really sick of the way he is treating me and danglind the D word in my face everytime we argue.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

Are you still a US citizen? You can get some good advice or a referral to an attorney who can advise you re the divorce (and implications/options if you leave without it) from the consulate office. At least it was a consulate the summer I was there. I had to get a birth certificate and a Chinese visa for my American son who was born in Yokohama but I was a resident of Beijing at the time. Plus I didn't have a normal passport, and had a different kind of visa for being in Japan. So, they can answer just about any question you have. Be glad you have cats and not babies at this point.


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## LeoNyan29 (Nov 14, 2012)

Thanks, Homemaker. I am cruising the embassies web site right now. I will make a trip out there my next day off.

I am equally thankful we have no children.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

LeoNyan29 said:


> I am planning to go to my grandmas for two weeks next month and i dot have a few friends i can stay with for a day or two but not for a week. I think me going would give him exactly what he wants somehow.


 So? Staying isn't giving either ONE of you what you want.

Save up the money, go back to the US, and file.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

The reason a person threatens divorce is because he thinks the threat WORKS to shut you up, to make you do what he wants, etc. The best thing you can do in the meantime is to IGNORE or even ENGAGE him when he says it. 'You want to divorce? Great, cos I do, too. I've been to a lawyer, in fact. Let me show you what he says you need to do.'


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Save up for your own move back to the USA. Perhaps stop contributing to expenses at home so you have the $$ sooner. Then once you have the money, the next time he threatens leave. Go to a hotel. 

If he begs you to come back and stops threatening you, you might stay and work on the marriage.

If not just book a flight and return to the USA.

OR.. just start saving and packing. Sell anything that you really do not need or treasure so that you do not have to pay to ship it. Then once you have the money buy a ticket, return to the USA and file for divorce.


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## GTdad (Aug 15, 2011)

The best response in my opinion to this kind of nonsense is to simply say "okay", and continue on with what you're doing.


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## LeoNyan29 (Nov 14, 2012)

Thanks everyone for the replies, they are all great ideas! I am going to the US embassy this Monday to talk to a divorce councilor there and get some advice. 

Thanks for the replies!


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