# Headed for separation



## Gemini82 (Apr 25, 2020)

I have been married for almost 14 years. My husband and I have always had a somewhat complicated relationship. He cheated on me with a girl from Craig’s list when our daughter was 2 this was about 10 years ago. After the affair everything was ****. I am loyal to a fault and I value family more than anything, so I stayed angry and deeply damaged but I stayed faithfully loyal in the marriage. I have hate/loved him ever since that day. There are many other things messed up about our relationship but as of late he is moody,mean, and pretty much everything I do is wrong. His behavior causes my blood to boil and I have always had a problem with being on the defensive. We can’t communicate at all and I feel like I’m treading water hoping not to drown. I’m an honest person I work, I’m a good mother, reasonably attractive and a loyal partner, the thought of having a broken home fills my soul with the deepest sorrow I’ve known. I don’t want to be divorced it breaks my heart. I love my husband and would stay married miserable but always hopeful.


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## notmyjamie (Feb 5, 2019)

I'm so sorry for your situation. 

I personally couldn't stay in a marriage like that. Yes, a divorce is painful for everyone involved. But living in a marriage such as you describe is more painful in my opinion. 

I'm not sure if you were just venting or looking for advice. Either way, _hugs_


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

He's resented you from that time, because you are everything he is not and is making you miserable to get you to leave because he is not man enough to do it!

He he's not willing to work on your marriage is because he's looking for the out. 

Spell it out for him, marriage counseling ( and be cautious on them) or do the deed. He drag his feet because he unwilling to help or love you. I know this hurts but it's how I see it.


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## Gemini82 (Apr 25, 2020)

Thank you, I appreciate any insight. I’m just terrified every thing you say is true.


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

Gemini82 said:


> Thank you, I appreciate any insight. I’m just terrified every thing you say is true.


Only because you have not " Loved yourself" in a long time because you give it to him and he wipes his shoes on it every time you give more.


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## OutofRetirement (Nov 27, 2017)

Why now?


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

You already live in a broken home. Don’t you want a chance to be happy for a change?


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

Gemini82 said:


> There are many other things messed up about our relationship


Can you go into some detail here?


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## hubbyintrubby (Jul 5, 2019)

You say "always hopeful". What are the things in your relationship that give you that hope right now?


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

You are a wife. Sadly your partner is not a husband.

Have you considered counselling, as a couple and for yourself?


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## VladDracul (Jun 17, 2016)

Gemini, one of the most painful things is losing yourself in the process of committing too much to a relationship, letting years pass, and realizing the sacrifices you made were for a person who returned little or nothing to you and never considered that you are special. Take my word for it melady. When you look back, it ain't gonna be worth it.


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## GC1234 (Apr 15, 2020)

Gemini82 said:


> the thought of having a broken home fills my soul with the deepest sorrow I’ve known.


Hey. I'm sorry that you have to go through this situation. You're in a tough predicament, but coming from someone whose parents divorced (and eventually got back together), I will say this: if your kid/kids have to witness him being moody, mean, and verbally abusive (by him verbalizing not being happy with anything you do), it's not really good for them, or for you. It can break your spirit and even affect your kid/s, by them finding dysfunctional relationships themselves, that match what they see. I know you mean well, and it really seems that you've tried/are trying everything, but, if he's not meeting you halfway, then I think your marriage may be over. You and your kid/s don't deserve to be miserable. Good luck to you!


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## CoachP (Sep 26, 2016)

VladDracul said:


> Gemini, one of the most painful things is losing yourself in the process of committing too much to a relationship, letting years pass, and realizing the sacrifices you made were for a person who returned little or nothing to you and never considered that you are special. Take my word for it melady. When you look back, it ain't gonna be worth it.


As someone going through a painful divorce (as if there is any other kind really!) with the opposite perspective--an increasingly angry, increasingly miserable, verbally abusive STBXW--I know the pain! You've given *years*--in the OP's case, over a decade--to your spouse. You checked all the boxes for what should've been a successful marriage; you stayed in your lane. And all for what?! 

You have to realize that it's time to move forward even if moving forward means moving on. The only thing worse than dwelling on time spent for naught is dwelling _in_ time to be spent where you're still just kicking that proverbial can down the road, hoping things will magically change.


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