# Would you raise a child that isn't yours?



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Lets say you find out your kid isn't yours, would you still raise him/her?

NOTE: This excludes voluntarily getting involved with single mums etc. So yeah, more a question in regards to paternity fraud.


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## UAArchangel (2 mo ago)

If there is no fraud involved, I would not be above raising a child that is not mine, as I have done so.
Just don't tell me it is mine, if there is a risk that I might find out that it isn't. If I find out, I will tell the child and let the chips fall where they may.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

UAArchangel said:


> If there is no fraud involved, I would not be above raising a child that is not mine, as I have done so.
> Just don't tell me it is, if there is a risk that I might find out that it isn't.


I take it that's a yes vote?

I can't imagine it, but I also can't imagine abandoning my kid either if in an alternate universe she ended up not being mine. But that's why I placed >10 years. Hmmm maybe I should change it to >5 years, I doubt I could have abandoned her 5 years ago either.


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## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

There is so much more to this than the choices given. Each circumstance is different. Adults are the reason children are screwed up. 

All the adults want to be victims, “poor me” and not once considering the child involved in the mess.


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## UAArchangel (2 mo ago)

RandomDude said:


> I take it that's a yes vote?
> 
> I can't imagine it, but I also can't imagine abandoning my kid either if in an alternate universe she ended up not being mine. But that's why I placed >10 years. Hmmm maybe I should change it to >5 years, I doubt I could have abandoned her 5 years ago either.


It's a conditional yes, if it is a choice that I made for the benefit of the child and not because the choice was made for me by a lie.
I'm not against being involved with a single mother and treating the child as my own. However, if the mother tells me that it's my child and I find out later that it isn't, that's going to be problematic for the mother and child.


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## Teacherwifemom (5 mo ago)

Do you mean, by your poll, that one believed the child was theirs and the “less than” is their age? Good grief. Children are always the victims of adults. I can fathom hating the mother who lied to you, but if you love your child the way one normally loves their child that doesn’t just go away, I would hope. That seems pretty evil too.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Teacherwifemom said:


> Do you mean, by your poll, that you believed the child was yours and the less than is their age? Good grief. Children are always the victims of adults.


Hmmm need to clarify that.

I mean by how long one has been raising them, like I voted >5 years, so it means I can't imagine myself abandoning them after I've raised them for 5 years.

If for some reason after I've raised them for a year and find out she's not mine, then I'm not sure I would forfill the role of a father.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

UAArchangel said:


> It's a conditional yes, if it is a choice that I made for the benefit of the child and not because the choice was made for me by a lie.
> I'm not against being involved with a single mother and treating the child as my own. However, if the mother tells me that it's my child and I find out later that it isn't, that's going to be problematic for the mother and child.


Oops, I take it back.

Assume it's paternity fraud then.


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## OnTheRocks (Sep 26, 2011)

Yes, if it didn't have an involved/living father, and wasn't sold to me on false pretenses.


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## UAArchangel (2 mo ago)

RandomDude said:


> Oops, I take it back.
> 
> Assume it's paternity fraud then.


If I am forced to, I probably would. However, that child is going to know the facts that he is not my child and the mother slept around to produce her. The mother will have to explain her end to the child. I would probably also let the child know that he is my friend, to soften the blow.


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

Ikaika said:


> There is so much more to this than the choices given. Each circumstance is different. Adults are the reason children are screwed up.
> 
> All the adults want to be victims, “poor me” and not once considering the child involved in the mess.


Well, an adult would be the victim wouldn't he?


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## OnTheRocks (Sep 26, 2011)

RandomDude said:


> Oops, I take it back.
> 
> Assume it's paternity fraud then.


If that's the case, it would take more than a year. I'll vote >5 years in your poll.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

OnTheRocks said:


> If that's the case, it would take more than a year. I'll vote >5 years in your poll.


Same, thats my vote too!


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

Teacherwifemom said:


> Do you mean, by your poll, that one believed the child was theirs and the “less than” is their age? Good grief. Children are always the victims of adults. I can fathom hating the mother who lied to you, but if you love your child the way one normally loves their child that doesn’t just go away, I would hope. That seems pretty evil too.


So now, not accepting being a cuckold is evil?


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

Depends. At what age would said child finally move out?

ETA: did I get a paternity test? And did I pay for it?


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

UAArchangel said:


> If I am forced to, I probably would. However, that child is going to know the facts that he is not my child and the mother slept around to produce her. The mother will have to explain her end to the child. I would probably also let the child know that he is my friend, to soften the blow.


Well you can be forced to pay child support but still live your life or you can forfill the role of the father - voluntarily. Would you perform the latter?


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

CharlieParker said:


> Depends. At what age would said child finally move out?


18


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

UAArchangel said:


> If there is no fraud involved, I would not be above raising a child that is not mine, as I have done so.
> Just don't tell me it is mine, if there is a risk that I might find out that it isn't. If I find out, I will tell the child and let the chips fall where they may.


So you would punish the child who is innocent?


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Teacherwifemom said:


> Do you mean, by your poll, that one believed the child was theirs and the “less than” is their age? Good grief. Children are always the victims of adults. I can fathom hating the mother who lied to you, but if you love your child the way one normally loves their child that doesn’t just go away, I would hope. That seems pretty evil too.





Numb26 said:


> Well, an adult would be the victim wouldn't he?





Numb26 said:


> So now, not accepting being a cuckold is evil?


Hehe honestly I was about to type "no judgements" on the OP but then I thought... nah

That wouldn't be fun hehe  🍿


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

Diana7 said:


> So you would punish the child who is innocent?


So you want him to give up his self respect and dignity?


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## UAArchangel (2 mo ago)

RandomDude said:


> Well you can be forced to pay child support but still live your life or you can forfill the role of the father - voluntarily. Would you perform the latter?


If that's what happens, that is what happens. That is going to happen anyway, because she wouldn't have slept around if she have respected me. 
If I am not the father, I am not required to be the father unless asked to be so.


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## UAArchangel (2 mo ago)

Diana7 said:


> So you would punish the child who is innocent?


It's not punishing the child. It is telling the child the truth and softening blow while the child is secure. I'm not going to protect the mother from her consequences. She will have to live with the idea that she denied her child a father in exchange for a little fun.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

UAArchangel said:


> If that's what happens, that is what happens. That is going to happen anyway, because she wouldn't have slept around if she have respected me.
> If I am not the father, I am not required to be the father unless asked to be so.


And what if she confesses her infidelity and asked for you to stay and raise the product of her affair?


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Numb26 said:


> So you want him to give up his self respect and dignity?


Telling a young child and devastating him or her is giving up the man's self respect and dignity????? 
I think that not devastating his/her young life is KEEPING his self respect and dignity. Loving the child who only knows him as daddy shows great integrity and character.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

UAArchangel said:


> It's not punishing the child. It is telling the child the truth and softening blow while the child is secure. I'm not going to protect the mother from her consequences. She will have to live with the idea that she denied her child a father in exchange for a little fun.


It is punishing the child, of course it is. If you must punish someone let it be her, not an innocent child.


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## UAArchangel (2 mo ago)

RandomDude said:


> And what if she confesses her infidelity and asked for you to stay and raise the product of her affair?


I would ask her, since she's taken off the table her fidelity and my being a biological father, what else has she got to offer the relationship?
I would probably end the relationship if she bore a child through infidelity.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Diana7 said:


> Telling a young child and devastating him or her is giving up the man's self respect and dignity?????
> I think that not devastating his/her young life is KEEPING his self respect and dignity. Loving the child who only knows him as daddy shows great integrity and character.


It is devastating yes, but it is the man's fault? I say it's the damn woman's!


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## UAArchangel (2 mo ago)

Diana7 said:


> It is punishing the child, of course it is. If you must punish someone let it be her, not an innocent child.


God does not spare us from our consequences, so I do not have the right to do so. If you want to maximize the odds of a holy society, one that respects consequences, don't remove them from people's lives. Part of the reason for the degradation of society is because we try and remove the consequences of sin.


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

Diana7 said:


> Telling a young child and devastating him or her is giving up the man's self respect and dignity?????
> I think that not devastating his/her young life is KEEPING his self respect and dignity. Loving the child who only knows him as daddy shows great integrity and character.


Being a cuckold is the opposite of having any self respect.

And also, by extension you are condoning cheating by wife's because their husband's aren't "man enough" to raise the affair child. GTFOH


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

UAArchangel said:


> I would ask her, since she's taken off the table her fidelity and my being a biological father, what else has she got to offer the relationship?
> I would probably end the relationship if she bore a child through infidelity.


Lets say you find out after 5 years, and decide to end the relationship. Would you still raise your child as your own, due to the fact as @Diana7 put it eloquently "the child who only knows you as daddy"


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## UAArchangel (2 mo ago)

RandomDude said:


> Lets say you find out after 5 years, and decide to end the relationship. Would you still raise your child as your own, due to the fact as @Diana7 put it eloquently "the child who only knows you as daddy"


The time does not matter to me. Ask me in twenty years and my response would be the same. I would change the nature of the relationship between me and the child from father-child to friends.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

UAArchangel said:


> The time does not matter to me. Ask me in twenty years and my response would be the same. I would change the nature of the relationship between me and the child from father-child to friends.


How much would you involve yourself in the child's life as "friends"?


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## UAArchangel (2 mo ago)

RandomDude said:


> How much would you involve yourself in the child's life as "friends"?


That's up to the child. If he distances himself from me over this revelation, I'd be ok with that.
But if he can accept a good friendship instead, that would be just as acceptable to me.


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## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

Numb26 said:


> Well, an adult would be the victim wouldn't he?


I get it all these threads are all based on:

Women: bad
Man: victim
Child: we don’t give a sh!t.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

UAArchangel said:


> That's up to the child. If he distances himself from me over this revelation, I'd be ok with that.


And if he wants you to still be his daddy?


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## UAArchangel (2 mo ago)

Ikaika said:


> I get it all these threads are all based on:
> 
> Women: bad
> Man: victim
> Child: we don’t give a sh!t.


In cases of paternity fraud, yes. That's exactly how it is.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Ikaika said:


> I get it all these threads are all based on:
> 
> Women: bad
> Man: victim
> Child: we don’t give a sh!t.


Hey let me have some fun with my polls! 
I have other ones next door, in the back door too 😅


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## UAArchangel (2 mo ago)

RandomDude said:


> And if he wants you to still be his daddy?


I can't be his daddy, if I'm not his daddy. But I can be other things, friend, advisor, caretaker. I can do many thing, but I can't do what I am not.


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

Ikaika said:


> I get it all these threads are all based on:
> 
> Women: bad
> Man: victim
> Child: we don’t give a sh!t.


Cheating women is bad.
Man victim of paternity fraud is a victim.
Affair child isn't the husband's concern.

Grown damm set and have some dignity!!!


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

UAArchangel said:


> I can't be his daddy, if I'm not his daddy. But I can be other things, friend, advisor, caretaker. I can do many thing, but I can't do what I am not.


Yeah guess that's what my last ex is doing as well even though she never had the responsibility of raising my kid. I would say that's an honorable contribution.


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## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

Numb26 said:


> Cheating women is bad.
> Man victim of paternity fraud is a victim.
> Affair child isn't the husband's concern.
> 
> Grown damm set and have some dignity!!!


Cheating spouse regardless of gender is bad. 

I thought we established in the other thread, that women are not convicted of fraud in these cases. If that is so, then it is not fraud in the eyes of the law. 

In case of a cheating spouse, there is a thing called divorce. The three reasons for divorce: Adultery, Addiction and Abuse. So, I don’t see where raising an affair child is necessary.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Numb26 said:


> Cheating women is bad.
> Man victim of paternity fraud is a victim.
> Affair child isn't the husband's concern.
> 
> Grown damm set and have some dignity!!!


Aye, I would say it's nice for the dad to stick around as friends but he can't be expected to, nor should he be expected to raise a child that isn't his.

Not everyone can have such a big heart, or in my case - that heart needs to grow (hence >5 years)


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

Ikaika said:


> Cheating spouse regardless of gender is bad.
> 
> I thought we established in the other thread, that women are not convicted of fraud in these cases. If that is so, then it is not fraud in the eyes of the law.
> 
> In case of a cheating spouse, there is a thing called divorce. The three reasons for divorce: Adultery, Addiction and Abuse. So, I don’t see where raising an affair child is necessary.


Glad you see it my way!


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## OnTheRocks (Sep 26, 2011)

I still wouldn't want to pay CS if we divorced later. 

ETA: DNA records would be needed, and I can't imagine adopting a kid in a paternity fraud situation.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Ikaika said:


> Cheating spouse regardless of gender is bad.
> 
> I thought we established in the other thread, that women are not convicted of fraud in these cases. If that is so, then it is not fraud in the eyes of the law.
> 
> In case of a cheating spouse, there is a thing called divorce. The three reasons for divorce: Adultery, Addiction and Abuse. So, I don’t see where raising an affair child is necessary.


I'm more referring to cases where the men are trusting and don't do the paternity test (this thread was inspired by the current debate), then find out later the kid isn't theirs.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

OnTheRocks said:


> I still wouldn't want to pay CS if we divorced later.


Here in AUS if you have raised the child for a length of time you would still be required to pay CS. Hence why get that paternity test done lol!

Still, I would say that's as fair as it gets balancing the child's needs as well. Just my opinion!


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

RandomDude said:


> I'm more referring to cases where the men are trusting and don't do the paternity test (this thread was inspired by the current debate), then find out later the kid isn't theirs.


Reminds me of a story about a man married for 30 years finding out that his two oldest daughters weren't his but the product of a five year affair his wife had in the beginning of the marriage. Destroyed the whole family.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Numb26 said:


> Reminds me of a story about a man married for 30 years finding out that his two oldest daughters weren't his but the product of a five year affair his wife had in the beginning of the marriage. Destroyed the whole family.


Aye, this thread is about all these stories. But hell I can't abandon my kid at this point, no matter if I'm her real daddy or not. But nor can I ever blame the guys who do.

Guess that's the dangerous thing really for me, all a woman has to do is keep a lie for a few years and once I'm invested in the child I'm fked.


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## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

Numb26 said:


> Glad you see it my way!


This is the way I have always seen it… I am not sure what you referencing?


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## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

RandomDude said:


> I'm more referring to cases where the men are trusting and don't do the paternity test (this thread was inspired by the current debate), then find out later the kid isn't theirs.


Again, this is too general and each case would have to be carefully considered. I am not sure your poll answers cover every circumstance.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Ikaika said:


> Again, this is too general and each case would have to be carefully considered. I am not sure your poll answers cover every circumstance.


Well, name the different cases and I'll see whether I can detail some assumptions like what I do with my edits.


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## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

RandomDude said:


> Well, name the different cases and I'll see whether I can detail some assumptions like what I do with my edits.


Every case would be different. I can name a case that for me does not exists.


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

RandomDude said:


> Well, name the different cases and I'll see whether I can detail some assumptions like what I do with my edits.


It was obvious that you meant "Would you raise an affair child?"


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## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

Numb26 said:


> It was obvious that you meant "Would you raise an affair child?"


I don’t know any examples but I bet there are cases where a man (a real man not just a sperm donor) has raised an affair child. And, the child has been all the better for it. He/she was loved, cared for and likely raised with standards that obviously the mother did not adhere to.


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

Ikaika said:


> I don’t know any examples but I bet there are cases where a man (a real man not just a sperm donor) has raised an affair child. And, the child has been all the better for it. He/she was loved, cared for and likely raised with standards that obviously the mother did not adhere to.


So for you a cuckold is a "real man"? That's sad. Next you be saying that not allowing your wife to cheat and hook you for paying for her affair child is toxic masculinity. 🤣🤣🤣🤣


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## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

Numb26 said:


> So for you a cuckold is a "real man"? That's sad. Next you be saying that not allowing your wife to cheat and hook you for paying for her affair child is toxic masculinity. 🤣🤣🤣🤣


I am not suggesting that one allows their wife to cheat. But, I assume for some folks they just want to be victims and hell with the children involved. 

What it really comes down to, pick your mate carefully, then your chances of being a cuckold is slim.


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

Ikaika said:


> I am not suggesting that one allows their wife to cheat. But, I assume for some folks they just want to be victims and hell with the children involved.
> 
> What it really comes down to, pick your mate carefully, then your chances of being a cuckold is slim.


I'm not understanding your thought process....they are victims of paternity fraud. You are advocated these poor bastards to just deal with it.


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## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

Numb26 said:


> I'm not understanding your thought process....they are victims of paternity fraud. You are advocated these poor bastards to just deal with it.


Nope, not saying that at all.


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## Teacherwifemom (5 mo ago)

Numb26 said:


> So now, not accepting being a cuckold is evil?


No. But if you loved that child the way a normal parent loves a child -which is the purest form of love - would that affection just disappear? For the mom, sure. But for the innocent kid?


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## Teacherwifemom (5 mo ago)

Ikaika said:


> Cheating spouse regardless of gender is bad.
> 
> I thought we established in the other thread, that women are not convicted of fraud in these cases. If that is so, then it is not fraud in the eyes of the law.
> 
> In case of a cheating spouse, there is a thing called divorce. The three reasons for divorce: Adultery, Addiction and Abuse. So, I don’t see where raising an affair child is necessary.


Ahhhh, the Dr. Laura playbook, which I agree with. I think the point is if you have been raising that child thinking it’s yours, you presumably love that child. The marriage? In the ****ter for sure. Should the kid know? Of course, age appropriate. Mom gets all the **** coming to her. But I don’t know how someone turns off parental feelings for an innocent child that that they presumably love.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

RandomDude said:


> It is devastating yes, but it is the man's fault? I say it's the damn woman's!


Irrelevant whose fault it is when there is an innocent child involved.


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## UAArchangel (2 mo ago)

Diana7 said:


> Irrelevant whose fault it is when there is an innocent child involved.


I disagree. It's not irrelevant. The woman created the situation and she should have to live it.


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

UAArchangel said:


> I disagree. It's not irrelevant. The woman created the situation and she should have to live it.


Not according to him. Your not a real man unless you raise you cheating wife's affair kid. 🙄


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## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

Numb26 said:


> Not according to him. Your not a real man unless you raise you cheating wife's affair kid. 🙄


I did not say that… I said a real man is not just a sperm donor but one who care for a child. You read what you wanted to read.

If a man chooses to raise a child that is not his biologically, I am not going to judge him. I would say he is a real man for making that choice.


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## FakeNews001 (2 mo ago)

RandomDude said:


> Lets say you find out your kid isn't yours, would you still raise him/her?
> 
> NOTE: This excludes voluntarily getting involved with single mums etc. So yeah, more a question in regards to paternity fraud.


I assume this is a question for men who are victims of paternity fraud?

Ladies, please don't vote.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Teacherwifemom said:


> No. But if you loved that child the way a normal parent loves a child -which is the purest form of love - would that affection just disappear? For the mom, sure. But for the innocent kid?





Teacherwifemom said:


> Ahhhh, the Dr. Laura playbook, which I agree with. I think the point is if you have been raising that child thinking it’s yours, you presumably love that child. The marriage? In the *_ter for sure. Should the kid know? Of course, age appropriate. Mom gets all the *_ coming to her. But I don’t know how someone turns off parental feelings for an innocent child that that they presumably love.


Not quite sure of that. There have been several documentaries and testimonies about it, and the men just couldn't look at their "son"/"daughter" the same way anymore. It's not like one easily just gets over finding out they are living a lie.

Yes it would be nice for the kid if the dad sticks around but to expect the dad to? Nah, I can't.


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## QuietRiot (Sep 10, 2020)

These discussions always seem to get so angry yet nobody’s ever actually shared they had this experience. It’s just the boogeyman in the closet some people seem to want to get very mad about while contemplating what ifs.

I’m hoping one day I’ll hear from someone that actually knows and I’d be glad to hear their story.


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## FakeNews001 (2 mo ago)

I think a better question for the women would be: should a man be forced to raise a child that isn't his.

I think, for example, Diane7 would vote yes on that. (Diane, forgive me if that is wrong.)

It does go back to my comment about how men and women feel differently about this topic.


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## FakeNews001 (2 mo ago)

Ikaika said:


> I did not say that… I said a real man is not just a sperm donor but one who care for a child. You read what you wanted to read.
> 
> If a man chooses to raise a child that is not his biologically, I am not going to judge him. I would say he is a real man for making that choice.


What would you think of a man who made the opposite choice?


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## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

FakeNews001 said:


> What would you think of a man who made the opposite choice?


What would I think of a man who choose not to raise a child that was not his? Again I cannot judge what an individual decides to do in each situation. We all have to do what we think we can do or what we think is right for us to do based on each individual situation.


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## Jimi007 (5 mo ago)

Your poll doesn't list infidelity...
Personally, if my wife got pregnant due to infidelity, I would not raise the bastard child. That's on her and her AP


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Jimi007 said:


> Your poll doesn't list infidelity...


It assumes infidelity hence paternity fraud.



> Personally, if my wife got pregnant due to infidelity, I would not raise the bastard child. That's on her and her AP


How about you raise the kid and only find out after 10 years the child isn't yours?


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## Jimi007 (5 mo ago)

RandomDude said:


> It assumes infidelity hence paternity fraud.
> 
> 
> 
> How about you raise the kid and only find out after 10 years the child isn't yours?


Well I guess that would be different...I certainly would not tell the child. However our marriage would be over. Also I would have to find out who the father is . And go from there....


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Jimi007 said:


> Well I guess that would be different...I certainly would not tell the child. However our marriage would be over. Also I would have to find out who the father is . And go from there....


What if the guy is a deadbeat or in jail? (lol true stories too!)
And the child is crying, telling you that she doesn't want to lose you as her dad? Would you still raise her as your own?

It's a tough call for many men, I know I can't abandon her after 5+ years invested hence my vote, and my weakness.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

Don’t know. If I knew my wife cheated prior to getting pregnant and the child wasn’t mine, a hard no if I wasn’t the father. If I was the father, VR has the right idea.

If I found out years later I would divorce and still be part of the kids life. I couldn’t cut the child out of my life.


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## Jimi007 (5 mo ago)

RandomDude said:


> What if the guy is a deadbeat or in jail? (lol true stories too!)
> And the child is crying, telling you that she doesn't want to lose you as her dad? Would you still raise her as your own?
> 
> It's a tough call for many men, I know I can't abandon her after 5+ years invested hence my vote, and my weakness.


Yes , I'm sure my heart would open. And I would be there. I would still divorce


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Who voted "no, I can't do it" ? 😅


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## gaius (Nov 5, 2020)




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## UAArchangel (2 mo ago)

gaius said:


>


Her crying reminds me of his crying.


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## FakeNews001 (2 mo ago)

> ...
> If a man chooses to raise a child that is not his biologically, I am not going to judge him. I would say he is a real man for making that choice.





Ikaika said:


> What would I think of a man who choose not to raise a child that was not his? Again I cannot judge what an individual decides to do in each situation. We all have to do what we think we can do or what we think is right for us to do based on each individual situation.


Interesting. So, the man who decides to raise someone else's child is a "real man." However, nothing similar for the opposite scenario?


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

RandomDude said:


> Lets say you find out your kid isn't yours, would you still raise him/her?
> 
> NOTE: This excludes voluntarily getting involved with single mums etc. So yeah, more a question in regards to paternity fraud.


Yes, Children are innocent and need a parent's love and resources to survive and thrive.

Then is nothing stronger than an emotional bond with an infant, except the connection between an adult and a child you have raised as your own.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

gaius said:


>


Hahahahahaha I like how she runs away from the cameras crying only to sit on a couch with more cameras


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## Kput (3 mo ago)

This is obviously a hypothetical situation.

The mother and child would be out of my life asap and I would attempt to bring as much pain and destruction into the mother's life as possible including trying to sue for monies spent on the child.

But in real life I look at my kids and feel nothing but love for them even when they are being annoying gits.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Numb26 said:


> Not according to him. Your not a real man unless you raise you cheating wife's affair kid. 🙄


What about if the H has an affair child and wants to bring the newborn home to raise along with his other children? 
For parity if a guy is supposed to suck it up the W then should also suck it up, smile, and gladly say ok, thanks, can I have another please.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

50% voted they can't handle it lol, so where are ya all? Comments please! 🙂

Don't mind the barks 😅


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## ShatteredKat (Mar 23, 2016)

The only time no one experiences pain &/or suffers (a negative) is when the secret is kept till after the participants in the fraud and the child are dead.

Check out "OWL" over on SI - the horrors are still not exposed to all (at least not mentioned)
and I'm wondering how the "child" - who is near 50 years old - will react when finding out the fraudulent "momma?"

Poser: How is a child treated (raised) by cuckolded father compared to a child "put up for adoption" and, even worse (my assessment,) when the child is OLD enough to KNOW they are being put out for adoption?

Life isn't fair


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Diana7 said:


> So you would punish the child who is innocent?


Never, in words and actions...
None, directed at the child.

That said:
A child is not raised in a vacuum.
Any ill winds/words to the mother would certainly drift, his/her way.

.........................................................

A child as this, the result of lust, deceit and fraud, starts out their life with that *Scarlett 'B'.*
Not on their chest, nor forehead, but on their soul.

Society places it there, and has kept it there.
Society owns your soul.
To live comfortable among others, we are obliged to allow them this (not) honor.

......................................................

I get it, you would shield the child, as *its *mother.*
No matter, who the father.

Your shield is small, the world is large and predatory.

Question:

@Diana7, as a religious lady, would you raise a child, one not yours, one from your adulterous husband and his female *lover?

An innocent and abandoned child, left on your doorstep, and one produced from the adulterous loins of your husband, yes, likely soon, that ex husband?
Or, would you quickly pawn it off?


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

SunCMars said:


> Never, in words and actions...
> None, directed at the child.
> 
> That said:
> ...


You know the answer. Only the male of the species is supposed to sacrifice his self respect in order to be a "real man". 🙄


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## Teacherwifemom (5 mo ago)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> What about if the H has an affair child and wants to bring the newborn home to raise along with his other children?
> For parity if a guy is supposed to suck it up the W then should also suck it up, smile, and gladly say ok, thanks, can I have another please.


I think that’s different scenario, because you KNOW ahead of time and can then make that choice. I read this poll as if a man didn’t know, believed the child to be his and later found out.


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## CrapMan (7 mo ago)

Out the door with the bastard child whether it is 1 month or 30 years and divorce the skank. I voted No, can't do that.


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## Teacherwifemom (5 mo ago)

So there was a family at our parochial school years ago. I don’t know the specifics but a girl in my son’s class was the product of the dad’s affair and somehow he ended up with the newborn and his wife adopted and has raised that child as her own. She is loved and cherished. That’s a whole lot of forgiveness right there. But that’s different because it was obviously known, not found out later.


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## harperlee (May 1, 2018)

A person's capacity to love is their own, there are many levels; most are ok.
If a person is incapable of loving a child that is not biologically related to them, that is their capacity.
For some, heaven/utopia/expansiveness is not an abstract/one day all will be perfect and then all the right people will kumbaya with me idea. 
It is here, now.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

IMO, it would depend. Before age 4 or 5, most children won't remember a parent who becomes absent. But I'd probably have strongly bonded with the child. Then the decision would largely depend on the circumstances that created the issue and the subsequent history. I'd _probably _divorce the mother (if married), or walk away otherwise. Am I legally the child's father, so liable for child support? The younger the child, the more likely I'd not be part of his/her life if I've removed the mother from my life. Paternity fraud and the resulting financial fraud should be felonies, IMO, and the mother should be punished - but the child is innocent, even though their presence would be a constant reminder of their mother's ultimate betrayal.

Age 5 or older, I'd remain in the child's life if possible, but still have as little to do with the mother as I could.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Teacherwifemom said:


> I think that’s different scenario, because you KNOW ahead of time and can then make that choice. I read this poll as if a man didn’t know, believed the child to be his and later found out.


It also could be when the affair child is older, too. Same difference.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

CrapMan said:


> Out the door with the bastard child whether it is 1 month or 30 years and divorce the skank. I voted No, can't do that.


What if you have been raising the child for over 10 years, and when she finds out you aren't her daddy she runs to you and clings to you begging you not to leave her because you are the only daddy she knows?

I'm asking everyone this question 😅 

Curious if there have been cases of non biological fathers getting custody over the biological mother and raising an affair child as his own too


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## DownButNotOut (Apr 9, 2009)

One of the longest nights of my life was the night one of my best friends found out his father wasn't his father. He was 15 at the time, and it messed him up real good. It took him years to pull himself back together.

"Dad" had known for a while but stayed. Staying doesn't make it easier on the kid. It places you in a position to either lie and hope the kid never finds out, or try to find 'the right time' to tell them and face the fallout of that.

Seeing what 'the right time' did to my buddy, I wouldn't stay. Divorce her, rip the bandaid off right then, and be truthful about why.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

For me it would all depends, on all the factors involved:
Is this child young enough to not remember, or understand if I disappear? Easy, I would disappear.
Is this child old enough for her and myself to have bonded to a point where she would suffer emotionally tremendously. Difficult, but I would try to remain in her life. I would never see or interact with the mother.
Is this child old enough for her and myself to have a parent/child relationship, but the child, or myself never truly bonded (most likely do to biology). I would probably be gone, and cut all contact.


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## UpsideDownWorld11 (Feb 14, 2018)

RandomDude said:


> What if you have been raising the child for over 10 years, and when she finds out you aren't her daddy she runs to you and clings to you begging you not to leave her because you are the only daddy she knows?
> 
> I'm asking everyone this question 😅
> 
> Curious if there have been cases of non biological fathers getting custody over the biological mother and raising an affair child as his own too


I don't know how I could leave her under those circumstances.

I imagine there would be cases if the mom is a crack addict or something and biodad is out of the picture. He would probably be in front of the line to be able to legally adopt the child.


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## Mybabysgotit (Jul 1, 2019)

RandomDude said:


> Lets say you find out your kid isn't yours, would you still raise him/her?
> 
> NOTE: This excludes voluntarily getting involved with single mums etc. So yeah, more a question in regards to paternity fraud.


I don't think this is something that a person would know until they've been put in that situation. I guess it would also depend on how the situation evolved.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

UAArchangel said:


> The time does not matter to me. Ask me in twenty years and my response would be the same. I would change the nature of the relationship between me and the child from father-child to friends.


Really I would become UNCLE Joe. May still be a male figure in the life, but they would know I was not dad, thanks to mom.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

Teacherwifemom said:


> Ahhhh, the Dr. Laura playbook, which I agree with. I think the point is if you have been raising that child thinking it’s yours, you presumably love that child. The marriage? In the **ter for sure. Should the kid know? Of course, age appropriate. Mom gets all the ** coming to her. But I don’t know how someone turns off parental feelings for an innocent child that that they presumably love.


You find out the child is not your child, you can care deeply for the child, but it does change things, a woman can never understand how this really affects a man. The child is a product of the 2 people who betrayed you.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Ikaika said:


> I did not say that… I said a real man is not just a sperm donor but one who care for a child. You read what you wanted to read.
> 
> If a man chooses to raise a child that is not his biologically, I am not going to judge him. I would say he is a real man for making that choice.


Agreed, even if the man divorces the wife, the child should always come first. I would never abandon a child who I had been raising no matter how I felt towards the other parent.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

The sins of the father are real.
As, are the mothers.

Let us not add those sins onto the child.
Life is hard enough.


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## DownButNotOut (Apr 9, 2009)

And what is in the child's best interest here? To continue being lied to? To be given the opportunity to be raised by their actual father? To alternate time between their mother and a man who isn't their real father? Should the child's real father be kept in the dark, and prevented from claiming paternity himself?

The child's life was thrown into chaos the moment the child's mother chose to lie to two men.


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