# Sex Leading up to seperation....



## Lovingwife315 (Dec 10, 2012)

Ok I know some of you have told me to disconnect from my husband and will prob want to reach thru the computer and slap me but I have to say this!

My husband and I have agreed to seperate. He was unhappy, met someone in FEB. Had an EA, told me he was unhappy in in July and that he wanted a divorce. Alot has happened since then. The EA turned PA for about a month, and then the OW moved 3000 miles away for work. They still have the opportunity to see each other every other week or so, but since Thanksgiving he has ended to relationship, at least on his end. She still texts him from time to time and he does chat with her. 

Anyway, we still are on schedule for him to move out next week, and feel that we need to try this to give us some space and see how our relationship goes. He and I get along great, most of the time. Have always had an amazing sex life.............and honestly for the last month it has been better than ever!!! He and I are connecting in a way I thought couldn't get any better!! He feels it, I feel it! 

WHY is the sex so good now and the eagerness to please each other so strong???

DOES this mean anything>???

Or are we just trying to get our "fill" before the Seperation day comes???

I have made the decision not to sleep with him after he moves out regardless of if we start looking towards R. I haven't told him this but maybe he realizes it. He says he thinks we will be happier apart. But Christams really hit us both hard this year as being the last one together with our kids in our home.

Any thoughts??? Even slaps....


----------



## Lovingwife315 (Dec 10, 2012)

OK you all are so angry with me that I have no responses of yet....

I know I have no one to blame for the pain I am going thru but me......I just don't know how to let this man go....I have spent my entire adult life loving him and building a life with him. It is just so sad...I don't think I can do it.


----------



## whitehawk (Aug 14, 2012)

naughty , and here comes that damn computer right across the [email protected]@

that's easy , your both threatened by the coming separation, had lots of ups and downs lately so the ups are higher .

and now , why aren't you giving him hell instead of sex , he's just had affairs on you for fk sake and wants to separate ?


----------



## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

He met someone else.

Detached.

You are not at all.

What you are doing is self sabotage.


----------



## This is me (May 4, 2011)

I think a good therapist would ask you what you think it all means.

So what do you think it all means?


----------



## This is me (May 4, 2011)

You should read Divorce Remedy. Your marriage is likely salvageable.


----------



## Lovingwife315 (Dec 10, 2012)

I have no idea. I know he is remorseful for the EA/PA And I know he is confussed and sad, as am I. He actually said to me that we could continue to live together even if we are headed towards D instead of R. I am the one who said no to that. He is unsure of what he wants and I think the only way he will figure it out is if he follows thru with moving out. Is that crazy? I cant bare to live with him without him being my HUSBAND in everyway.....COMMITTED and LOYAL


----------



## This is me (May 4, 2011)

Some marriages can be saved after cheating if both parties want it. The book I mentioned was very helpful to me and talks about working your way through the stormy days.

Is it worth fighting for? MC?


----------



## Lovingwife315 (Dec 10, 2012)

Or should I ask him if we should rethink this? I don't want to feel as if I didn't give this one last chance......but I m scared to be rejected again. I can forgive him and rebuild but only if he wants that too.


----------



## whitehawk (Aug 14, 2012)

how long u been together anyway ?

here's my take and btw , i've just been separated myself so i wouldn't take any fg notice of me if i was u.
one , you still turn him on , that's great.
two he screwed around on you , that's really bad , and he must have been a bit this or that to do it to so.
next , he does still care about u , that's good .

but , he wants to think and he's talking separation , that's also really bad. he's unsure anymore , he might've lost interest or maybe you don't get along as well as you did , or maybe the grass just looks greener or maybe it's 20 things but it's not good.
anytime now this is just for me but in the past , before my wife now , that l wanted space , l didn't come good about her afterwards.
a few times i'd get back with gf's , but it'd just go bad again later.
mind you , people have a lot more to lose if they've been married and try much harder i guess if they do try again so you know .


----------



## Lovingwife315 (Dec 10, 2012)

we have been together 18 years married for 12. He said he has fallen out of love with me, mainly because he was feeling disconnected from the family. (both our faults) He wanted to have a more father like role in the family but his ways were not good, and so I took over alot of the parenting (he was so strict with kids) He felt disrespected I guess and I accept not allowing him to have that role. Regardless, we can overcome those things, and have started already. I just don't know if he can see that things can be different and therefore he has given up on the marriage


----------



## This is me (May 4, 2011)

I cant tell you how many times I see these posts with marriages at the 17, 18, etc years time frame suffering and falling apart. It is just like teen years when the kids go independent from the folks.

My default is to point out that this is the perfect time for a MLC. One spouse gets depressed from time past and the future not as promising as it once was. Then they start thinking about greener pastures and the trouble begins.

Some get into EA, some PAs, some just start talking with a friend who agrees with the depressed thinking rather than challenging them and the next thing you know the marriage is breaking apart.

The thing is, most of this corrupted thinking is a fog that eventually lifts when the sufferer realizes that whats out there is no better than what they got. 

If the damage can be mitigated, the marriage can be salvaged depending on if both spouses can forgive and move forward.


----------



## Lovingwife315 (Dec 10, 2012)

In my heart I do believe that my husband and I will R, but for me I really need for it to be on his time. I know you all will think I am crazy for saying this as it is unfair to me to wait him out. All I know is he did not have very good role models as to what Love and family are all about while growing up. He is a good man and father, and up to now was a good husband. For me I NEED for him to be the one who comes to me and says he thinks we should make it work. Only then will I feel secure enough to continue. The next few months will be really hard but we are both committed to doing everything possible to make it easier on the kids and ourselves.

My only worries are staying strong when he comes by and not trying to act like a couple during this time.....because when he moves out we no longer are...


----------



## whitehawk (Aug 14, 2012)

Lovingwife315 said:


> we have been together 18 years married for 12. He said he has fallen out of love with me, mainly because he was feeling disconnected from the family. (both our faults) He wanted to have a more father like role in the family but his ways were not good, and so I took over alot of the parenting (he was so strict with kids) He felt disrespected I guess and I accept not allowing him to have that role. Regardless, we can overcome those things, and have started already. I just don't know if he can see that things can be different and therefore he has given up on the marriage



ahh yea sorry i remember now and oh no - same here , 18 and 12.
my sister said there's 3 points in marriage and the 17yr mark is a biggie - together , married or whatever.
yeah your right though , parenting's a constant adjustment , like marriage i reckon and i just adjusted in the wrong direction . we both did even she admits that.
you guys could over come that m but don't take over for him or butt in all the time , he'll find it himself just help him understand what's happening. 
my wife started going overboard and it drove me mad , one of her big aspects that started to make me distant to actually.
instead just talk about it but leave all the work and fine tuning up to him.

actually this is weird because we had some other big stuff there to . at one stage because my daughter a girl of course , they got to spending so much time together for awhile that i felt i didn't even matter.

but then , believe it or not the tables turned a few yrs later and my daughter and me started doing all sorts of stuff and i often took her and her friends out somewhere or stayed up watching dv's. and then my wife felt like the left out one.
when she hit me with the separation , one of the biggest things was she didn't feel welcome around us .
it wasn't like that at all though . she was working long hrs and always tired so i tried to take them of her hands more , plus my d and l needed it too.
it was so fg weird though , she'd gotten so paranoid and it all came out.
she even thought i was building a garage loft to leave her and live in that .
but i was making it so that i could go back to painting , that's all it was .
there were lots of other paranoia things too and she'd also been smoking heaps of dope which has always done that to her.
nothing could change her mind though .


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Your improved sex life sounds like hysterical bounding. It happens very often after affairs are discovered or other times when a relationship is seriously threatened.

Were I you, I'd tell him that you really do not want to split and he has this opportunity to change his mind. 

If he leaves, the sex is cut off and treat him according to the 180 (see link below in my signature block).

His leaving makes it more likely that you will not get back together. Sometimes a short separation of 2-3 months works. But mostly separations are the last nail in the coffin for a relationship.


----------



## whitehawk (Aug 14, 2012)

youknow now since all this , l've noticed my daughter and her getting closer and closer again because she basically lives there mostly.
that's hurting quite a bit right now because i couldn't expect my daughter to split her stupid bloody living arrangements we've brought onto her like this further, it's already hard for her.


----------

