# worst. husband. ever.



## moonchild (May 20, 2011)

Ok, maybe not, but he sure isn't helpful. Since I've become a photographer, he's always so negative about my success. I try to explain to him that starting any business takes time to build and there is a loss at first, but I still get negative vibes from him. Now, I'm doing my first art show and I'm so excited - and nervous! I barely had time to get all my prints edited and then had issues getting them shipped to me. Now, all week I've been scrambling to get them framed and mounted, etc. And it's not an easy task. I wasn't planning on asking for my husband's help, but I became desperate. I was up until 2:30 am every night getting things together and just hoping he would offer to help. Nothing. I asked him what it would take for him to help me- money? Nope. I've never been so stressed and does he care? Does he help me carry the HUGE boxes out to the car? NO. I do everything myself. So tomorrow is the show and I need my booth attended at all times, so he is grudgingly coming with me in case I need to go to the bathroom- I NEED someone with me. I'm just afraid he's going to get pissed off about SOMETHING there and want to leave. He's a ticking time bomb. I'm a peaceful, mellow chick. Usually we balance each other out. But I really feel hurt about his unwillingness to help me [his partner in life] when I'm having a crisis. I told him that yesterday hoping he'd help today. He apologized, but today- NOPE. No help. I feel like screaming at him. I feel like throwing something. But I won't. It hasn't helped things in the past and it won't now. I don't know what will help. He's lazy. He doesn't care about my feelings. We are happy most of the time. When there isn't a stressful situation. It's these times that really suck. I've been with him for 10 yrs and it doesn't get any better, nor will it I'm sure.


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## uhaul4mybaggage (Jul 20, 2010)

Have you got kids, and have you done marriage counseling? If you don't have kids, I would STRONGLY suggest looking at the relationship before having any in the future. If you decide you don't want 10 more years of this, kids make it a whole new ball game. Read how to improve your marriage without talking about it. it might help. Good luck!


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## engrose (May 19, 2011)

Unfortunately men are relatively immature...congratulations on your success by the way. I think this is a case of your husband feeling emasculated, while on the one hand he is no doubt very proud of you on the other he can't help feeling jealous too! The very fact he doesn't help you is because - in his head - it pushes you further toward your success and actually he doesn't really want that. I maybe wrong of course...

Can you involve him in more way? Make him feel a part of your success...


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

One should never be negative about a photographer, they're very image conscious and hate to be cast in a bad light.


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## grizabella (May 8, 2011)

Withholding something when you need it most is a passive-aggressive trait and you need to do some research into how to deal with it. It doesn't get any better on it's own and he will deny it if you bring it up. Good Luck!


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Not sure what's going on here. Maybe he just wasn't raised right. I can't imagine letting my wife (or any other woman) carry anything heavy unless I was completely disabled. I can't think of anything my wife has ever asked me to do that I just flatly refused. I guess it just comes down to simple selfishness and lack of respect. Has he always treated you this way or is he just being passive-aggressive cause he doesn't want your photography business to succeed? Now, I'm not always paying attention as closely as I should, so I might not notice my wife needing help, especially if I'm busy or in another room. If he knew you needed help and just flatly refused, he kinda sounds like a selfish or passive-aggressive jerk to me. Is he angry with you for some reason and maybe this is his way of giving you "pay-back"?


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## rider03 (Apr 7, 2009)

engrose said:


> Unfortunately men are relatively immature...


Really??? Men are "relatively immature"? And you, a woman, posted that comment? How ironic.

Sounds like he's just not a helpful person. My wife does the same thing. Can see me struggling with something and walk right past me and never offer to help. It's very frustrating. Good luck with the show!


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

rider03 said:


> Really??? Men are "relatively immature"? And you, a woman, posted that comment? How ironic.
> 
> Sounds like he's just not a helpful person. My wife does the same thing. Can see me struggling with something and walk right past me and never offer to help. It's very frustrating. Good luck with the show!


Psst! Buddy! It's the "Ladies Lounge"... They can bash if they like.



C


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## debbie (May 20, 2011)

maybe you need to cut your loses and leave.i would have never said something so negative a year ago,but i was married 21 years,i worked and supported him over half of our marriage.he was injured at work and was sent to an i.t. school,when he finally got a job,he moved out and took our son with him.he is bone lazy,and when i thought back on our life,i realized he was a jerk from the begining.


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## magnoliagal (Mar 30, 2011)

grizabella said:


> Withholding something when you need it most is a passive-aggressive trait and you need to do some research into how to deal with it. It doesn't get any better on it's own and he will deny it if you bring it up. Good Luck!


Yep. You are dealing with a PA man. I just read my first book on it and it was very enlightening. I've got a mildly PA man myself. They can be quite frustrating to live with.


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## Undertheradar (May 11, 2011)

I'm a man.... And I'm a photographer!

I was a professional for many years, and have since reduced it to a hobby.
I can understand your eagerness to show off your work.
My wife couldn't give two hoots about my images. 
You need to do this on your own. Get help from somewhere else, and show him that you're not "needy". 

Whatever money you do make, go buy YOURSELF something with it, and don't even think about sharing your hard earned money with him.

I'm sorry, but he resents you for doing something YOU enjoy. As crazy as it sounds, it sometimes works that way.

Stop making yourself crazy, and do your own thing. If it's too much work, either get some hired help. (lots of teenagers would help you for a few dollars), or reduce your workload for now.

Go take pics.

BTW.... Do you have a website?
I'd love to see your work. Never know, maybe I could use a nice picture for my wall


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## credamdóchasgra (Sep 24, 2010)

Maybe he feels insecure because you're having success.
Getting pissy about standing at the booth with you? Sounds like that could be it.

My H has this way of "supporting" my successes on the outside, but then doing subtle little things to undermine it.
Maybe he's too insecure to really let you shine without feeling diminished himself.

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

moonchild said:


> Ok, maybe not, but he sure isn't helpful. Since I've become a photographer, he's always so negative about my success. I try to explain to him that starting any business takes time to build and there is a loss at first, but I still get negative vibes from him. Now, I'm doing my first art show and I'm so excited - and nervous! I barely had time to get all my prints edited and then had issues getting them shipped to me. Now, all week I've been scrambling to get them framed and mounted, etc. And it's not an easy task. I wasn't planning on asking for my husband's help, but I became desperate. I was up until 2:30 am every night getting things together and just hoping he would offer to help. Nothing. I asked him what it would take for him to help me- money? Nope. I've never been so stressed and does he care? Does he help me carry the HUGE boxes out to the car? NO. I do everything myself. So tomorrow is the show and I need my booth attended at all times, so he is grudgingly coming with me in case I need to go to the bathroom- I NEED someone with me.


So I am going to say this in the kindest way I know how. You started a business ... and just assumed he would be part of your business? Without discussing it with him? 

If it were me, I would be doing the exact same thing as your husband. It is called limit setting. Being spouse does not mean I care to bail my spouse out of his poor planning. 

Sit yourself down and figure out how to run your BUSINESS.


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## credamdóchasgra (Sep 24, 2010)

Mom6547 said:


> So I am going to say this in the kindest way I know how. You started a business ... and just assumed he would be part of your business? Without discussing it with him?
> 
> If it were me, I would be doing the exact same thing as your husband. It is called limit setting. Being spouse does not mean I care to bail my spouse out of his poor planning.
> 
> Sit yourself down and figure out how to run your BUSINESS.


It doesn't sound like she wants him to do the business side of things, just to offer to help with some of the manual labor and "special" events (art show).
I dont think she's demanding administrative assistance to actually RUN the business.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## orange (May 20, 2011)

I disagree with Mom6547's comments.

I am working from home and asked my husband for help - he did really well at it the first time round so much so that I felt confident he'd do well if he asked for more work, so he did and bailed at the first hurdle. Fine, now I know I can't rely on him for the future. 

However, a little help doesn't hurt. I'm sure if both mine and moonchild's husbands were doing their own thing with their business that they'd expect help in some form; looking after kids, cooking meals, general housework anyone? This is what marriage is about. Working as a team. Together. Equally, if possible.

My husband is very lazy indeed and loses interest in things quickly. I accept his short attention span because I can focus and be dedicated to tasks where he can't. The only place I trip up in my own relationship is when I've had a butt load of work my way and he's sat on his ass at home.

I wouldn't be saying that if I lived in a clean, organised (would settle for the bathroom being clean every week rather than whenever he feels like it every few months or so) home that I wasn't in charge of running as well as working on top of everything.

Lets face it; some people are just lazy and won't help unless there's something in it for them.

I think you should let him know. He might not even see what he's doing and how his behaviour is effecting you. My husband always believes he's in the right and that he does his best - which is far from truth. I always say when there's a problem because then at least I told him, he knew and he could do something about it if he chose too.


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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

credamdóchasgra said:


> I dont think she's demanding administrative assistance to actually RUN the business.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Administrative or not, what she is *assuming* he will be willing to do is directly related to running her business.

Don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with asking for help from whomever. It is the assuming that he will be willing to that I find is not going to win friends and influence people, so to speak.


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## Kauaiguy (May 8, 2011)

credamdóchasgra said:


> Maybe he feels insecure because you're having success.
> Getting pissy about standing at the booth with you? Sounds like that could be it.
> 
> My H has this way of "supporting" my successes on the outside, but then doing subtle little things to undermine it.
> ...


This! A little competitive jealousy maybe? Afraid that you'll be more successful than he?

If you were my wife, I would have supported you 100%. It would give you something to do and enjoy while at the same time make money which I'm sure would help the family income.

Unless of course you become so obsessed with this and start forgetting about family matters. ... and

Start taking pictures of Nekid men ... That's where I would draw the line! LOL!


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## WhiteRabbit (May 11, 2011)

helping to lift the heavies...absolutely.

holding her hand at the show...definitely.

giving her encouragement to spread her wings and validate herself through her talent....YOU BET UR SWEET A$$!

participating in the framing,organizing,2:30am show prep scramble...uh..not so much. that's on her to lose sleep over this show,not him. 

I do think he's a totaly douche for not lifting the heavies and supporting her emotionally though.


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## credamdóchasgra (Sep 24, 2010)

Mom6547 said:


> Administrative or not, what she is *assuming* he will be willing to do is directly related to running her business.
> 
> Don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with asking for help from whomever. It is the assuming that he will be willing to that I find is not going to win friends and influence people, so to speak.


Assuming and mind-reading definitely gets people into trouble. Agreed.

But i'm reading here that the "negative vibes" have more to do with her discontent than his failure to do what she assumes he "should."
I could be projecting, because Im maxed out on such vibes from my own H.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

credamdóchasgra said:


> Assuming and mind-reading definitely gets people into trouble. Agreed.
> 
> But i'm reading here that the "negative vibes" have more to do with her discontent than his failure to do what she assumes he "should."
> I could be projecting, because Im maxed out on such vibes from my own H.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Who knows, we both may be. But operating on vibes and hoping he will help followed by negative characterizations of him make me read some assumption and perhaps a little passive aggressive stuff.


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## evian123 (May 8, 2011)

Undertheradar said:


> You need to do this on your own. Get help from somewhere else, and show him that you're not "needy".
> 
> Whatever money you do make, go buy YOURSELF something with it, and don't even think about sharing your hard earned money with him.


How is asking for help to get things to the car, "needy"? Isn't it just basic common courtesy? Geeze.

Then, go by something for herself with her money? What's the point of sharing a life with someone then?

Girl, it sounds like your man is PA. I wish you luck!


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

engrose said:


> Unfortunately men are relatively immature...congratulations on your success by the way. I think this is a case of your husband feeling emasculated, while on the one hand he is no doubt very proud of you on the other he can't help feeling jealous too! The very fact he doesn't help you is because - in his head - it pushes you further toward your success and actually he doesn't really want that. I maybe wrong of course...
> 
> Can you involve him in more way? Make him feel a part of your success...


:iagree: :iagree:

Congratulations on your success!!! Your H sounds like the kind of guy who will have a hard time with a successsful wife.


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

unbelievable said:


> One should never be negative about a photographer, they're very image conscious and hate to be cast in a bad light.


Sometimes things click, but it sounds like he'd rather just shutter down. (Sorry - couldn't help it.)


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## SockPuppet (May 16, 2011)

You say he is a ticking time bomb, your a peacful mellow chick, and you usually balance eachother out.

Now that you have this new direction in your life, are you maybe giving him less attention? I understand starting a business is a huge undertaking, and it could be years before you turn a profit. Id have to say that your post is much to short to give any serious advice. It seems to me that you are venting. Your slightly torn, well maybe not torn. But YOU are trying to become successful and your hubby dont help.

Did you ask for his advice before starting this venture? What level of involvement does he have? I know its YOUR business and you dont need a man telling you what to do, but he is your husband, and if my wife just started something as large as this without consulting me in the slightest, Id be pissed off and uncooperative. On the "assumption" this paragraph is hitting close to home your starting something that he cant/ you dont want him to be a part of. Thats not a problem. The problem would be that your husband FEELS neglected, regardless of how you treat him. I noticed a lot of personal nouns, you are very self absorbed when writing the initial post. You have a big day, Im not judging, but before saying something like "worst.husband.ever" just stop and ask what role you had to play in this. 

Also, please give a few more details. As someone else already mentioned we are left in the dark to assume certain things, and Id hate for you to get some bad advice due to this.

Cheers.


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## hevonne (May 25, 2011)

I'm a photographer too. I can't imagine starting my business in this economy! I started in 2003 when things were still good in my state, and did really well. However, my husband was REALLY MAD. He wanted it to fail. He refused to help in any way. If I had an evening appointment, he would be SURE to be home late form work so I would be late as well (he had to watch the kids).
I'm so sorry. Its so hard to find the energy and drive to make your dream come true when your husband has a rotten attitude. I swear that mine was jealous-he wanted NO ONE to recognize me for anything, and it drove him nuts if I would have anything public like a showing, or a calendar release-I just didnt know how to deal with my being axcited about my accomplishment and then trying to play it down so he wouldnt get mad.


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## Meerkat Hat (Jun 1, 2011)

That really stinks. But, as my grandma always says, it takes two to tango. If you want to fix the situation, the only one you can really control is yourself. Take a self-appraising look at yourself and how you have treated him now that you have this new (and very exciting) business. 

Have you been spending more and more time at work and less time with him?
Are you so tired from all the passion and energy you’ve been pouring into the business that you have little left for him?
Is he jealous of all your passion, attention and energy you’re giving to the business that you once gave to him?

Maybe. Maybe not. But if you think there’s a chance that this might be the case, ask him about it nicely and be prepared to hear a “Yes.” That is the starting point of a conversation. You can come up with ways to make each other feel more appreciated. You can take time from your business to go on a date (one he would like…a guy movie or something). You can say nice things about his accomplishments (and mean them). He can help with your business or do some handiwork that would give you one less thing to do or make your life easier. 

Also, you mentioned that you stayed up to 2:30 hoping he would help. He didn’t. Then you asked if money would get him to help. If the first request for help he gets is a sarcastic offer of money from his wife, he’s going to feel very offended. That would explain the pouting at the festival. Especially by throwing your success in his face and offering money for helping. It would be good to try not to do that. That’s probably why you didn’t get any help. 

You probably know this, but if you two are happy most of the time he is hardly the worst.husband.ever.


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## Restless05 (Jun 6, 2011)

Funny (but not) my hubby and I are having issues too. I travel for work. he won't even help me carry my suitcase to my car!

I assume it's some kind of resentment.


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

I don't get the resentment and insecurity. I do get the passive aggressive behavior, being an ex passiveA myself. They are all destructive.

If my wife started a business, I would be damn sure to help her out in any way possible. It's called being supportive. Her success would be my success.

Now, in most cases she would have to ask me. Being a guy, we just think differently. We need to be asked, because we don't want to come out as too pushy maybe. But.....the first night I noticed my wife up until 230 am getting ready for a big show, she wouldn't have to ask. I would go ask her. I would do anything at all possible to help her get her stuff done, and ease her stress....even if that meant just feeding her coffee and staying up with her....helping where I could.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

it would be nice to know the entire backstory. if my wife started a business i know she would throw her entire existence into it and everything else would just slide right off the table. she has an ubelievable amount of unfinished business in her life right now and it would all be forgotten and swept under the rug for her new enterprise. 

i am not trying to say this is the case to the OP, just offering another perspective. but in my situation, if i helped, i would become an enabler, allowing her to "forget" about her other duties and projects that are necessary to our existance (my wife is SAH by her choice, I am sole breadwinner). She complains about never having enough time to do alot of these things, but i have seen her magically produce time for other ventures and i just scratch my head.

i guess im saying his viewpoint of all of this may be way different than yours and could be legitimate, at least to him. perhaps you could ask him why he doesnt help you more. maybe alot of folks in here are assuming too much in their responses.


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## momof2bellas (Jun 27, 2011)

My husband is semi PA! I have my own home business and Im always trying to show him things or pictures photographers took of it and he isnt rude about it, he will just be like ok and that's it. Anytime he's on the PS3 or watching Wrestling, I smile and walk away....because as stupid as it is to me, he enjoys it. I'd just do your work, and love him all the same. You can't get the perfect man that's for sure and they are mildly immature.


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

Mom6547 said:


> So I am going to say this in the kindest way I know how. You started a business ... and just assumed he would be part of your business? Without discussing it with him?
> 
> If it were me, I would be doing the exact same thing as your husband. It is called limit setting. Being spouse does not mean I care to bail my spouse out of his poor planning.
> 
> Sit yourself down and figure out how to run your BUSINESS.


:iagree:

I also had a serious sense of entitlement syndrome for awhile. It leads to tons of fights because you're not respecting your spouse's boundaries. I know it feels like he doesn't love you, and that he should help when you want it, but maybe instead you can recognize that you took on too much. 

Also recognize that other areas of the relationship were suffering prior to starting your business. Maybe you haven't felt loved for a long time. It can become easy to project that onto these kinds of situations but you wont solve anything that way.


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