# He cant get over something I said



## ladtbug81 (Aug 31, 2010)

For a long time I was not very intimate wiht my husband. I had no real desire for sex or even lovey dovey mushy kissing and holding. I could not tell anyone why I behaved like this. I personally didnt like that I was like that. I was not even interested in self gratification.Which is VERY weird for me. I have always been a very sexual person. I have always love touching. 
I did research and came up with many different things that could have been contributing factors. It started when I was pregnant with what would be our last child, I became a stay at home mom, my dad almost died from diabetes and having a stroke/heart attack, my parents almost lost their house, then he was cheating on my mom, then they were separating, selling their house, divorcing, my mom now lives with us, I have three kids, my husband was out of work for a year. I could go on and on. 

Any ways I at one point told him that "I dont know why I am like this. I just dont have ANY urges. I dont like it. But its just something you need to deal with if you love me."

Wow!! I was a bi*&h to him. I have never been good at expressing things the proper way obviously.

So now that things for me are better and I do have all my urges and feeling back he cant get over it. I never expected him to just get over it and move on. I know that time cause us problems. But now he says that he does care for me, he loves me but is not IN love with me but all he keeps hearing is those words I said to him.. 

He is dwelling on those words that I know hurt him but they are holding him back from moving on and fixing our marriage. He even told me last night that he "Remembers how happy and in love we were before all this happened. I just want to be like that again. But I just cant get what and how you said things to me the past year."


What do I do? WHat should he do? Is it possible for him to move past hurtful things I said? I am falling apart because my words are haunting me and keeping us from working on what we do have and trying to get back to what we did have.

Please help!


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## Eli_Erdwell (Sep 2, 2010)

It is possible to move on from that. It could be that he's just respecting your space and doesn't want to push you... maybe he feels like you just said you were having urges to please him... there is a huge list of reasons why he might not be drawn in anymore. Take time to rekindle what you did have and see if the spark comes back. Go out on dates, just to be together, not necessarily about sex. 
Ask him what he misses most about those times, things that you used to do together, and try doing them again. Make the effort to show that the things you said were your truth then, but aren't anymore now that things have gotten less stressful on your end.
When my mom had her tubes tied, she was NOT into anything. She wouldn't even kiss my stepdad. She had a hard time saying she loved him. But after a year or so of putting him in an icebox, she finally came to terms with not having more kids and re-invented their love with some old tricks.

It's hard to take back the things that were said before, especially if he's lingering on them... perhaps even scarring him a little if it was a while ago and he still brings it up. But if you two make an honest effort, eventually somethings gonna give and hopefully it will be for the best


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

I personally think both of you have "love tanks" on empty. All of the drama in your lives has taken its toll. You might try reading "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman. If your husband can start feeling "in love" with you again, he should be able to look past what you said.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Is he not willing to have sex with you anymore? 




ladtbug81 said:


> For a long time I was not very intimate wiht my husband. I had no real desire for sex or even lovey dovey mushy kissing and holding. I could not tell anyone why I behaved like this. I personally didnt like that I was like that. I was not even interested in self gratification.Which is VERY weird for me. I have always been a very sexual person. I have always love touching.
> I did research and came up with many different things that could have been contributing factors. It started when I was pregnant with what would be our last child, I became a stay at home mom, my dad almost died from diabetes and having a stroke/heart attack, my parents almost lost their house, then he was cheating on my mom, then they were separating, selling their house, divorcing, my mom now lives with us, I have three kids, my husband was out of work for a year. I could go on and on.
> 
> Any ways I at one point told him that "I dont know why I am like this. I just dont have ANY urges. I dont like it. But its just something you need to deal with if you love me."
> ...


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## TwyztedChyck (Sep 11, 2010)

What you experienced could very well have been due to stress and/or hormones. Those are physical and mental issues. What if he went through some physical or mental changes that caused him to say hurtful things to you but he apologized and tried to make amends and you just couldn't get past it? Is that fair? Not really. But then again, I personally wouldn't want someone who didn't want me back. If this is how he feels, why spend time and energy to change his mind? You shouldn't have to 'sell' the idea of yourself to someone. I have a lot of people who 'love' me, but I want my man to be 'in love' with me, to crave me, to be unable to live without me. Sometimes love dies out. It happens. It's nobody's fault. Very hard fact of life to accept but true. I think this is essentially what happened and your issues were a convenient excuse to bring forth the inevitable. Strong, loving relationships strive determinedly through depression, recession, cancer, loss and grief. Trials should strengthen a union, like holding onto each other in a hurricane. If you are flung apart, well somebody wasn't holding on very tightly. Just my $0.02.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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