# very good article re: sharing past experiences of previous lovers



## prc911 (Dec 20, 2010)

this topic of dealing with your SO sexual past pops up here all the time....I often read (with a bit of disbelief) how many people oppose the idea of discussing their sexual past with their husband/wife, how is not to be brought up and how is "none of their business". 
well my wife and I have shared explicit details of both our past after 10years of solid marriage, and it actually brought us closer together both emotionally and sexually.....
everyone is entitled to their discretion about sharing their past, after all is your choice and no one elses....however if you are looking to spending the rest of your life married to someone you love so much.....there is nothing I want to hide or be worried about sharing with that person, I believe if you feel apprehensive or concerned about sharing, then you might not be as close to that person as you might believe.....to us the risk was worth the reward, I know that I would regret not doing so many years later and then realize I could have been closer to her but held back and lost years of closer emotional attachment

The Shocking Thing Most Don't Know About Their Spouse | The Stir


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

There is only one answer you give to the wife. Everyone before you was crap.


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## OhGeesh (Jan 5, 2010)

^^^^^
Agreed why the hell would you do that willingly. I don't need to hear about my wife blowing, banging, mr. longschlong, or anyone else.

Nor does she need to have me talk about how awesome this or that girl was.

The fact is I live in the now!! Is sex goog now with her is what I care about reliving the past and sharing details is a recipe for pain.

To this day one of the hardest things I have to think about is my wife boning other guys. Before we were married we got a little "lit" and played this game. Everyone we cheated on each other with over the years etc etc. 

Glad it made you and your spouse closer that's not the norm!! Communication is key though just not that imo.


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## TwoDogs (Jul 29, 2011)

I wouldn't say it's "none of his business", I'd just say it was completely irrelevant to who we are today with each other. Provided, of course, that neither of us brought along any communicable diseases. We both have a past, we both have had other partners -- this is US.

Besides, I'm kinda old. My sexual past started 32 years ago. I've forgotten most of it, other than the spectacularly bad and the spectacularly good. I don't want to start reminiscing and dragging it out of the memory banks for the sake of sharing it -- most of it I don't really want to remember.

And most guys seem to be convinced that every other guy you've ever been with has been bigger anyway.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

I know enough about my husband's sexual past to satisfy my curiosity. He knows enough about mine.

I don't need details. He doesn't need details.


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## SepticChange (Aug 21, 2011)

I don't want to know those details unless he wanted to know mine. Every now and then especially as we're laying in bed to go sleep he'll bring up a detail about sex with someone of his past. He actually did it last night. I don't want to know this and I find it kind of disrespectful. I don't tell him my past. I mean he gets all detailed and I don't know how to tell him to stop and that it bothers me...especially since I didn't even freaking ask!

As for number...he knows mine and I have somewhat of an idea of his. He's been with half of Europe...he doesn't even know his number. I accepted that. But for the nitty gritty details...leave that out please. It especially pisses me off cuz I know he probably wouldn't want to hear my details.


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## charlene (Jul 21, 2011)

I know WAY too much , so does he ! Biggest mistake !


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

My husband has revealed more that I wanted to know about his past, but I guess I'm okay with it, because I'm not sure if he's being completely truthful.

He knows a little about mine, doesn't seem to mind sexual history as much as relational history... I find that interesting.

No, I would not want to know any more about my hubby's sexual past unless it could benefit me in some way...


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

As far as sharing goes, I believe that it's best to know 'who' but not necessarily 'what'...for some stupid reason, my H (BF at the time) tried to slide one past me as 'just a friend' - needless to say I was pretty pissed when I found out. And I have no idea why he did it, there is no contact between them at all, and she lives on the opposite coast, so not like we'll be running into her at the grocery store. This caused a huge issue once I found out, and we ended up in counselling over it! I just couldn't understand WHY he would lie (by omission) about that.


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## charlene (Jul 21, 2011)

CandieGirl said:


> As far as sharing goes, I believe that it's best to know 'who' but not necessarily 'what'...for some stupid reason, my H (BF at the time) tried to slide one past me as 'just a friend' - needless to say I was pretty pissed when I found out. And I have no idea why he did it, there is no contact between them at all, and she lives on the opposite coast, so not like we'll be running into her at the grocery store. This caused a huge issue once I found out, and we ended up in counselling over it! I just couldn't understand WHY he would lie (by omission) about that.


Oohh yeah , you should definitely know WHO...
Men easily can come up with such stupid idea


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

I think everyone is different--and that is OK if you are with someone like minded in this area. I am personally the type that would be BOTHERED if my spouse wasn't willing to share, if his attitude was -even stated as nicely as possible, that it was none of my business, it is "the past", and we are going to leave it there....


This would come off as "rejecting" to me somehow. I might even find it a deal breaking behavior. That may sound extreme to some, but for me, It is about "*a willingness" *, and that IS important to me. I would understand if he bulked & stated it might not be a good idea, even shared that he would rather NOT --but hey- if I was crazy enough to ask , I would want that willingness to share, bare it all. 

That was a part of his life, I want to hear about his life, what made him into the man he is today. Now if I get all bent out of shape, HURT, feeling he was a bad man or anything, then that falls on my stupidity for going there. Because HE wouldn't deserve that reaction. 

I just feel *our experiences *help shape who we are, mold us even , hurt us too, what have we learned -how have we grown? I would want to hear the good, the bad, the ugly and the sexual. Why they parted ways, all of it, and I don't think I am a masochist. 

As for us, it has only been the 2 of us anyway, so I guess all of this is "easy" to say. 

Though I did some things with 2 guys before I met him, not going all the way. I shared every blessid detail with him, even that I didn't regret either thing, they were young learning experiences, even exiciting at the time.... 

I share everything with my husband, He loves this part of my personality. And I LOVE the fact he will answer ANYTHING I ask - and be honest -without hesitation for me in return. 

I look at this as a sharing of oneself in some of the deeper levels of who we REALLY are, hiding nothing. 

We all have our individual thoughts on this --and it really doesn't matter , there is no right or wrong -so long as our partner is on the same page with us. 

I do however think it is WISE to LET them ASK, never steamrolling our mouth about past loves to our wife or husband using comparisons by any means. That would be totally mindless.


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## prc911 (Dec 20, 2010)

SimplyAmorous said:


> I look at this as a sharing of oneself in some of the deeper levels of who we REALLY are, hiding nothing.
> 
> *We all have our individual thoughts on this --and it really doesn't matter , there is no right or wrong -so long as our partner is on the same page with us.*


i think you nailed it with that.....its as equal as a personal choice as it would be taste for food!


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