# How much should someone deal with?



## run2013 (Jun 13, 2013)

Ok, so here is the deal that I would like some opinions on please. My wife and I have been married for 3 1/2 years now. Over the last 6-12 months we have been slowly drifting apart. About 3 weeks ago we where driving home after going out and she go a text message from someone at 1:00 am. I glanced over and saw her instantly delete it. I asked her who was that and she said nobody. I asked who is texting you this late and why did you delete it? She said it nothing. I asked what it said. She says I don't know? I was upset and hounded her the whole way home. The next day I had to work and called her and begged her to tell me what was going on. I came home and was very calm and honest asking what the deal was. She said it was just some random drunk text from a co-worker and that was it while still claiming she didn't remember what it said.

Two days go by and I got to thinking, she remembers everything! Always has.. So I got the login to our joint cell phone plan and started scanning it for patterns in her call log, and there it was. A number that she called every day Monday through Friday on her lunch break and after work on her way home for the last month. there was also some text messages back and forth. Also, she just said it was a co-worker from another town before but that was a total lie, this guy lives in the same town as she works in. I was demolished!! I raced home and printed off the phone statement to have her walk in the door at the same time. I took her phone and compared the number to her contacts and it was some guy. I completely blew up and asked what was going on and she said nothing with this half drunk stair. I left with the phone and left a message on the guys voice mail telling him never to talk to her again and I said the same to her.

I drew a line in the sand saying its him or me, I'm not going to deal with you going behind my back and lying to me. She says its just a friend and that I'm not going to tell her who to be friends with.

OK, fast forward. She has now removed her phone from my plan cause I was constantly checking up on her and the contact with the guy has just slowed down yet never stopped. At this point I don't know what to do? I can't trust her yet I don't want my marriage to end with her because I do truly love her.. I'm just so hurt that some days I can't deal with it..

Suggestions?


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

Sounds like she doesn't believe you'll follow through with your threats. Don't threaten, do it! 

Move you post to the infidelity section of the site. There you will find the answers and information you seek, from those who have been in your shoes. 

In the mean time gather evidence. Go to walmart or bestbuy and get a VAR, velcro it under the seat of her car. She will likely speak to him in the car. GPS the car too. Find out all you can about this guy. Is he married or does he have a girl friend? Be prepared to expose her to family, friends and work. Affairs die in the light of day. Don't tell anyone how you get your information. 

Read this http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/32002-welcome-tam-cwi-newbies-please-read.html#post430739

Good luck.


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## Maneo (Dec 4, 2012)

Why do you think you've drifted apart?


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## torani (May 6, 2013)

I don't know about you but I wouldn't have a problem with telling my partner about any texts or calls I receive. He is aware of all my guy friends and knows them personally now. 

Sounds like you didn't even know about this friend of hers till now. Also, deleting texts and changing her phone plan to keep you out is a huge red flag. 

Hiding and keeping things from our partner is never a good sign.


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