# What are some of the common words or phrases a cheating spouse would say?



## Left With 4.5 (Aug 4, 2012)

I'm wondering what are some of the words or phrases a cheater would say that would raise a red flag? 

I know the most common one on TAM is : I love you but I'm not in love with you. I got the: "I love you but i'm not attracted to you anymore." line.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

"He's/She's just a friend" is the other big one. You know when they say that one that they're lying and that it's an affair.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Six months after the divorce, when the WS discovers that they spouse they cheated on has just started to date:

"I cannot believe you moved on so quickly."


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

"I can't believe you check my cell phone. You are controlling. Why don't you trust me?"


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## Putzy (Aug 9, 2012)

How about: "There's nothing sexual going on".


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

I need to find myself.

I need some space.

Stop being jealous, insecure and controlling.

I would never cheat on you.

These text messages are just joking around and are not serious.

This relationship is completely platonic.

I have a right to my privacy.

Marriage is about trust.

I think we need some time apart to think. Lets separate for a while.

I need to go on this trip without you to clear my head.

I was just helping him with his marriage problems.

I have always felt more comfortable with male friends.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

It's Not you, it's me.
I never meant to hurt you.
This isn't about you and me.


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## Left With 4.5 (Aug 4, 2012)

Wow! I didn't realize that there are so many!


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Left With 4.5 said:


> Wow! I didn't realize that there are so many!


Probably as many as there are affairs.

How about: "I am going to have an affair, but please, I want you to know I still love you"?

Oh. That's not common, is it? But it is what I got.

This is another classic: "I am really sorry, but there's something I have to tell you."

and

"Please don't hate me!"


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## tobio (Nov 30, 2010)

I got...

she's just a friend

can't I have ANY privacy?

I didn't lie, I just didn't tell you because it didn't mean anything :scratchhead:


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## AngryandUsed (Jun 23, 2011)

You are feeling insecured.

I think your mind is overworking. Are you paranoid?

He/She is just a friend/guide/teacher/xxx. Nothing, you imagine, is going on.

We discuss common things only. He/She has some personal issues. I am just offering him some solace.


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## YellowRoses (Jun 2, 2012)

You have nothing to worry about

You have absolutely nothing to worry about

I swear you have nothing to worry about

Why are you so worried ? Its not what you think


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## snap (Oct 3, 2011)

I wasn't telling you truth to protect your feelings!


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## ReturnOfTheKitty (Aug 11, 2012)

snap said:


> I wasn't telling you truth to protect your feelings!


Bloody hell!! I hate being a part of club BS.


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## bigtone128 (May 1, 2012)

How about......
He's like family to me
We at work are one big happy family
Perhaps we should starting seeing other people
What about me? It is my time to live.


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## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

The problem is not you. Is me.
But don't worry, there's nothing wrong. I just need some alone time.


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

'This isn't fair on you' (awwwww thanks for thinking of me!)

'You deserve someone who makes you happy' (damn straight)

'I didn't say how unhappy I was because I didn't want to hurt your feelings' (grow a pair would you please?)
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

How about thes two classic;

**In a matter of fact voice, while staring into worried partner eyes**
" You know I love you baby "

Or this other classic when confronted with hard evidence of a sexual liason.

" I was drunk."


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

I lied to you because I did not want you to over react.

He is my soulmate.


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## thunderstruck (May 9, 2012)

-Ewww. He's like a brother.

-I was drunk when I wrote that.

-I just like male friends better. I'm a "guy's girl."


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

EleGirl said:


> "I can't believe you check my cell phone. You are controlling. Why don't you trust me?"


^ this

And insert email/FB, etc.


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## iheartlife (Apr 4, 2012)

Definitely, any time you ask too many questions or start to get close to the truth,

"you are controlling"

typically said by a wife to a husband, and typically met with a lot of scurrying away from the issue because it's anathema to be labelled 'controlling' if you are a modern western husband

(How to tell the difference: actual control freaks don't get called 'controlling,' because control freaks know how to mentally / physically abuse and manipulate their spouses so that they bend over backwards to avoid criticizing them.)


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## lovemylife26 (Mar 21, 2012)

I haven't been happy.

She does things to me you wouldn't do.

She talked to me.

Listened to how my day went.


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

How about when the DS/WS asks if you are cheating?

I love when they turn it around on you to throw off suspicion....


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

happyman64 said:


> How about when the DS/WS asks if you are cheating?
> 
> I love when they turn it around on you to throw off suspicion....


ha - yes!

my ex said 'I've been talking to other women on the internet, and I'm sure you've been talking to other men'

er no actually I haven't looked at another man in 13 years but you tell yourself whatever you want d*ckhead


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## iheartlife (Apr 4, 2012)

lovemylife26 said:


> I haven't been happy.


Good one! But let's make it a little more "accurate" :rofl:


I haven't been happy for a very long time. 

In fact, probably right up through the honeymoon, through our engagement, back to before we even met. I mean, just after we met. 

(Okay, I made that last part up.)


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## SomedayDig (Jul 17, 2012)

How about simply they don't say a f'ng word.

That and "I don't remember..."
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

"You're checking up on me?" - in an indignant tone

I got this when I was starting to get suspicious and notice unexplained charges in our checking account that she made. She manages the finances, so I never checked the account before, ever. Turns out she was funding her secret calling card account.


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

Oh Yes SD.

I love the "I can't remember".

I heard that one too!

And when I took her engagement ring, sold it and used it for a deposit on a brand new Porsche she looked at the car a few days later and said "did you use my ring to buy that car" you know what my answer was back to her.......

"I can't remember"

LOL


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## SomedayDig (Jul 17, 2012)

HM64 THAT is awesome!!!


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

Entropy3000 said:


> I need some space.


I got this too. Later investigation would show this was at the height of the affair and she desperately wanted to meet up with OM. Turns out she wanted to make a trip to Canada on the pretext of visiting cousins there, but really wanted to meet him in person. Never really panned out and in her messages to him she lamented the fact that they aren't able to be together in person.


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## snap (Oct 3, 2011)

happyman64 said:


> I love the "I can't remember".


Why I imagine it spoken in Oliver North voice


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## SomedayDig (Jul 17, 2012)

snap said:


> Why I imagine it spoken in Oliver North voice


Greeeat...now I'm gonna imagine Regret with Colonel birds on her shoulder!! :rofl:

(although she's done with using that phrase, it's still a trigger)


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## Unsure in Seattle (Sep 6, 2011)

"It's just a crush."

"I can't help how I feel."


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

SomedayDig said:


> HM64 THAT is awesome!!!


You know what SD, it was awesome.

But I have to admit that I also let other GF's drive the car around town while I was working in the city just so the exfiance would go crazy.

And she did! :FIREdevil:

That truly was one of my finer moments.

And then I grew up......


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## bkaydezz (Jul 9, 2012)

Im just not in lve with you anymore

I dont love you anymore

Im bored

( alot of these things come to saying by guilt)


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## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

Foggy Talk 101... 

•Our marriage was over long before I cheated.
•We're not like we used to be.
•I don't love you anymore.
•We've never been right for each other.
•I feel trapped.
•I never wanted to get married.
•I don't want to live like this.
•I love you like a sister/brother.
•I wanted to shake up our marriage and make it better.
•You deserve better.
•I thought you didn't love me anymore.
•You left me before I left you.
•I was never in love with you.
•Our marriage was boring.
•I need to have sex with others. I can't go the rest of my life sleeping with just you.
•The sex is incredible. It was never that good with you.
•It doesn't mean anything.
•It just happened.
•He/She has an unhappy marriage, and I was filling an emotional void in his/her life.
•We were just friends.
•I was curious what sex with someone else would be like.

ALL YOUR FAULT FOGGY TALK

•I've told you for years why I was unhappy, but you decided to not do anything about it.
•You work too much.
•I thought you would change.
•You don't listen to me.
•You aren't good in bed.
•You don't give me any attention.
•I'm tired of having to do everything around here.
•You don't need me anymore.
•You put on too much weight/look different.
•You pressured me too much for sex so it wasn't fun with you anymore.
•You were never really there for me when I needed you.

ALL MY FAULT FOGGY TALK

•It has nothing to do with you.
•It's not you, it's me.
•I'm unhappy.
•I need some space.
•I really don't know what I want to do with my life.
•I never cheated before but something just snapped.
•I want to stand on my own two feet.
•The other guys goaded me on and I didn't want to look like a sissy.
•I have issues.
•I don't why why I did it. It wasn't planned.
•I didn't expect to get caught.
•I'm having a mid-life crisis.
•I'm not happy. I haven't been happy for years.
•I never meant to hurt you.
•It's in my nature to cheat.
•It's just a guy thing.
•It's an addiction. 
•I can't help myself.


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## slater (Feb 3, 2012)

My favorite. When they find out you told OWH or OMW- "Why would you want to hurt an innocent person. You are such a *****". The logic here blows my mind.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bigtone128 (May 1, 2012)

oh yeah,
Its been over for years (yea thanks for telling me that weeks prior to you leaving).
I dont want to live the next 10 years like I did the last 20 - after she gives you a card the week prior sayin she cares about you.


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## Harken Banks (Jun 12, 2012)

All of the above. Plus: "If you really want to know, he's actually been giving me some really good advice on things we can do to improve our relationship."


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## Harken Banks (Jun 12, 2012)

I was thinking it would be great if you could meet him.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

"We're just friends."


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> "We're just friends."


I guess it's the word "just" that makes it dodgy.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Every single time.


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## Harken Banks (Jun 12, 2012)

NextTimeAround said:


> I guess it's the word "just" that makes it dodgy.


It's remarkable how much work that one word does in the phrase. It defends, rationalizes, minimizes, and redirects to say you are being ridiculous.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Harken Banks said:


> It's remarkable how much work that one word does in the phrase. It defends, rationalizes, minimizes, and redirects to say you are being ridiculous.


that's exactly the phrase my fiance used with me in describing his dodgy relationship.


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## one_strange_otter (Aug 26, 2008)

"He listened to me"

That action on his part alone almost got her in bed. Amazing how sometimes it's the simplest things that will draw a partner in.


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## Harken Banks (Jun 12, 2012)

one_strange_otter said:


> "He listened to me"


Ouch. I know that one.


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## bigtone128 (May 1, 2012)

Yea, I wonder if hes still listening to her? If he listened as long as I did about how he didnt measure up well........
and yea it will seduce them if they are looking to get seduced.


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## sick. (Jul 18, 2012)

she's fat and stupid... you know how I feel about stupid people.
I would tell yoy. I know I can tell you anything.
Thanks for ruining our family.
You just ruined my good mood.
....I want a divorce. Five minutes later : I love you so much.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Lots of people come home with their panty hose inside out. It's more common than you think.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Runs like Dog said:


> Lots of people come home with their panty hose inside out. It's more common than you think.


wow


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Runs like Dog said:


> Lots of people come home with their panty hose inside out. It's more common than you think.


that's one way to put it.


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

'I never stopped loving you, that's why it hurts me so much' (errrrrrrr)


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## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

"I think we should have a break"


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## badbane (Jun 9, 2012)

" you know he just gets me. We are like the exact same person but in man form."


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## Numb in Ohio (Oct 31, 2011)

Talking to her was like talking to one of the guys

It was just idle chit chat

I would tell them how wonderful you are, (yet in the same sentence) "at the time, the friendships was more important than our marriage" 

I know I said that they gave me an ego boost that I wasn't getting from home,, but I only said that cause I was scared.

I'm not lying, it was just 5 pictures of her face from the neck up

There was no sexual tension or attraction

Our talks only picked up a year or 2 before each hs reunion ..

When I saw he had talked to her on our Anniversary: " I talked to a lot of people on our anniversary" 

The thought of not being with you and you being with someone else is unbearable.. ( Really?)

If I changed my FB password, " I don't remember"


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## Bentley'sMom (Jul 10, 2012)

When mine left (he was drunk):

I need space
I need to gather myself
It's not you it's me
We will always love each other
I will always remember you
It's not about f*****g other people (umm)
What do you want from life
I want to be a Dad and I want to be a good Dad
I've been faithful to you (lie)

A few weeks later:
I want to be with someone who works as hard as I do
I don't know what I want
I always take on other people's opinions
I've only been in two monogomous relationships (lie)

Later:
I got married for the wrong reasons
I shouldn't have got married
Maybe we can work it out if our goals are aligned in the future
Something about openess and honesty
I'm not seeing anyone
I'm not ready to reconcile yet

When I found out:
You are over reacting
You are making crazy allegations
I can't deal with your paranoid behaviour
We met to discuss work
Now we are separated (we were?!) I can meet up for drinks with who I want

My STBXH is a narcissist though so everything he says is a lie


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## Left With 4.5 (Aug 4, 2012)

I didn't like you. 

I want to be happy.

I want to do what I want without you always wanting to know my whereabouts. 

We were going to break up anyways. (Funny I had no idea that was going to happen.)

We didn't get along. (Really?)


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## bigtone128 (May 1, 2012)

Left With 4.5 said:


> I didn't like you.
> 
> I want to be happy.
> 
> ...


Wow - your ex must really know my ex - exact same lines!


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

My fiancé said that he felt bad for leading his EA on.......even though in another conversation he tried to say that well, she was texting me all the time.......

Go figure.......


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## ThinhMan (Oct 14, 2011)

During the 4 years of hell, my stbxw had said everything list in this thread. 

You don't trust me. 
You destroy the family!


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## Bentley'sMom (Jul 10, 2012)

What it boils down to, is do we care? They are lying, selfish cheats with no morals (sorry to those who reconcile but it is true!). They whine like children when caught, or just flat out deny and make the spouse feel crazy.
I've come to realise that their excuses and justifications and blame are really like mental disorders, if temporary. You can't reason with a crazy person. I believed mine was in an affair fog until I realised actually he had NPD - the two are scarily similar in the devalue and discard, blame, projection aspects.


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## Unsure2621 (Mar 23, 2012)

Wow almost every single one of these popped up for me. Except the pantyhose one but he's a guy so that would have been pretty bad! LOL.

Here are a few of my personal favorites:

"I have been fighting leaving you for years. I only stayed for our daughter."

"This has nothing to do with her! We were breaking up anyway." (really?)

"I only said I loved you and sent you flowers to keep you off my back."

"We were separated! I didn't cheat!" (Um we weren't separated when you started screwing her big boy.)

After a while you realize how unoriginal they all are.


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## Left With 4.5 (Aug 4, 2012)

Bentley'sMom said:


> What it boils down to, is do we care? They are lying, selfish cheats with no morals (sorry to those who reconcile but it is true!). They whine like children when caught, or just flat out deny and make the spouse feel crazy.
> I've come to realise that their excuses and justifications and blame are really like mental disorders, if temporary. You can't reason with a crazy person. I believed mine was in an affair fog until I realised actually he had NPD - the two are scarily similar in the devalue and discard, blame, projection aspects.


I agree with you Bentley'sMom. I thought I was going crazy, starting to believe some of the stuff I was accused of, when in fact, i knew deep down that it wasn't true and that he was just justifying himself. I don't really care anymore, but I have to admit that sometimes, it still hurts when he calls to pick a fight or say something to make himself feel better.


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## spudster (Jan 11, 2012)

Left With 4.5 said:


> I'm wondering what are some of the words or phrases a cheater would say that would raise a red flag?


"Honey?.....Have you by any chance noticed a milky discharge from your __________?....."


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## Just Tired Of It All (Oct 22, 2011)

Pit-of-my-stomach said:


> Foggy Talk 101...
> 
> •Our marriage was over long before I cheated.
> •*We're not like we used to be.*•I don't love you anymore.
> ...


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## Just Tired Of It All (Oct 22, 2011)

BOLD----- Have heard during affair
BOLD UNDERLINE--- heard during the on again off again during/after
RED--- hearing now after

Is it just me, or did any one else ever hear YOUR OBSESSED with me, you stalk me..... 

Or how about, you need to go see other people, get out of the house, but Im not telling you to sleep with anyone.. yeah this was during heart of the affair.... 

Or this is a classic, the condoms are not mine, I dont know were they came from, they are for us,, but we dont use them or was not togther... YEAH OKAY!!!!!!

I was just bragging to other guys trying to seem big, its a man thing.its not true I should had done it. This when I found text to a buddy and WS was just bragging away about having to deal with two women... 

Were just freinds was all the reason I ever got, still to this day its we WERE just freinds, and (I should be ashamed of myself for even thinking he could ever cheat on me, I should be ashamed of myself for even CONSIDERING that he was that type a person) SHE need help and I should be ASHAMED of myself for trying to make HIM into a BAD person and TRYING to FORCE him to NOT help another PERSON in need of help... 

Yeah I could go on and on.. BUT the one that GRINDS MY TEETH to this day, well they all send me into a RAGE, but if I hear the OLD sad line, we WERE just freinds, one more time.. I am going to Snap a few teeth... GRINDS MY NERVES somthing aweful!!!!!!!!!


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## Just Tired Of It All (Oct 22, 2011)

And the (I HAVE ISSUES) yeah I am hearing that ALOT now too.. Well dont we ALL?????


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## Just Tired Of It All (Oct 22, 2011)

ThinhMan said:


> During the 4 years of hell, my stbxw had said everything list in this thread.
> 
> You don't trust me.
> You destroy the family!


I do have to agree with this, excpet nothing about our sex life was ever mentioned.. Well thats probley because They were just freinds < sarcasim  like I said I still hear it to this day


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## Just Tired Of It All (Oct 22, 2011)

Bentley'sMom said:


> What it boils down to, is do we care? They are lying, selfish cheats with no morals (sorry to those who reconcile but it is true!). They whine like children when caught, or* just flat out deny and make the spouse feel crazy.*I've come to realise that their excuses and justifications and blame are really like mental disorders, if temporary. You can't reason with a crazy person. I believed mine was in an affair fog until I realised actually he had NPD - the two are scarily similar in the devalue and discard, blame, projection aspects.


And this say it all, truely the levels they go to to keep up with the LIES is beyoond me.. DENY DENY DENY DENY DENY, LIE LIE LIE LIE.. 

All in a sad DESPERATE attempt to make there _BS _feel, crazy, bad, a sneak, a liar, a nag, a self conscious, question there own saniaty there own REALITY, to question there OWN PAST, PRESENT, and FUTURE.. when pretaining to there MARRIAGE...



As I have said to my own WS before, it is a desperate attempt to save grace, from freinds, family, co-workers, children.. And to hold onto the spouse as a back-up plan.. I mean WE for years after years after years, has kept there little world togther, well goodness greif what if AP just doesnt cut the *MUSTARD*, then they will be left with NOTHING and NO ONE. And to top it all off..... WHAT would there REPUTATION look like if that happened? Yeah kinda would Flat line, SO they try to save there own butts put all the crap onto the WS and essintially throw the spouse under the bus.....


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## serenity 02030 (Mar 29, 2011)

it was just sex and meant nothing


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## Count of Monte Cristo (Mar 21, 2012)

People change

Before dday when sex life died - 'You can have sex with other women if you want to.'

I knew he was never going to leave his wife. (In a smug tone.)

When she was moving out - 'We just need some time apart.' (Yeah, like she planned on coming back.)


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## Labcoat (Aug 12, 2012)

one_strange_otter said:


> "He listened to me"


...while I complained about you without getting defensive, like you normally do.


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## Labcoat (Aug 12, 2012)

Complexity said:


> "I think we should have a break"


...but don't you dare so much as talk to another woman while we are on this 'break.'


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## Labcoat (Aug 12, 2012)

Left With 4.5 said:


> I want to be happy.


...and then really depressed and then happy again and then depressed and then...


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## Labcoat (Aug 12, 2012)

Here's on from my experience.

"Maybe if you had actually paid attention to who I was hanging out with..."

To which I said, "Yeah, and in that alternate universe you're telling me, 'Maybe if you hadn't been so obsessed with who I was hanging out with....'"

Seriously, I feel like my (x)WF lost about 25 full IQ points when she did whaty she did.


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## donny64 (Apr 21, 2012)

Entropy3000 said:


> I need to find myself.
> 
> 
> Stop being jealous, insecure and controlling.
> ...


These three would have bells ringing with me. I've never been with a woman who uttered those words (in the face of a question or suspicion) who was not lying or cheating. On the other hand, the ones who were in fact not cheating were far more concerned with alleviating any fears or suspicions I had than they were about "privacy" or "being controlled" over simple questions or ocassional flirts with jealousy.

Privacy only becomes important in a serious relationship for two reasons I can see....someone is hiding something, OR, someone is planning an awesome trip or gift and doesn't want to let the recipient spoil the suprise by snooping!


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## bigtone128 (May 1, 2012)

Labcoat said:


> Seriously, I feel like my (x)WF lost about 25 full IQ points when she did whaty she did.


Mine didnt have 25 points to lose.....


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## Remains (Jan 24, 2012)

Mine did all the usual denials. Complete with anger and defensiveness (which translates to 'attack') 

Instead of sensitively and lovingly putting my mind at rest, just as donny says, he would then turn all problems and issues on to me. You are paranoid, you are a paranoid freak, there is something wrong with you.....it is all in your crazy paranoid mind.

Oh, and whining 'but I didn't do anything'


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## SomedayDig (Jul 17, 2012)

"It was a long time ago...."


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

SomedayDig said:


> "It was a long time ago...."


My fiancé tries to remind how long ago some things are. For example, what happened was about 2 years ago.

Getting the detail that I know now was only one year ago.

But how long do the intentions for those things to happen last?


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

When confronted with sexual/inappropriate texts or emails from their affair partner, the wayward will often say:

"We're just joking around"

or

"That's the way he/she talks to me. Its not serious."


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

One (of the many) thing(s) that I don't understand is that when I raised the issue of my fiance's EA, he told me that she told him that her new bf was better in bed. 

I guess as a way to tell me how terrible she was. But then in my book it doesn't make any sense if he still wants to be friends or "friends" with her.

Maybe someone can explain this to me.


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## Left With 4.5 (Aug 4, 2012)

When I confronted my ex about a girl that he kept calling he said: "She's Crazy. I was trying to get her to stop harassing me." Really? Then why were YOU the one who kept calling her? 

He also told me to "Stop butting into my life." "Can I get some privacy?"


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## daisygirl 41 (Aug 5, 2011)

So I'm not allowed friends Am I?

There's this girl at work. She reminds me of you, you'd really like her!!!!!

You're controlling.

You're moody.

She's just a friend

You can't help who you fall in love with !!!!!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

In my particular case, it was: *"I think that we need some space from each other for a while!"*

Little did I ever suspect, however, that STBXW had even one boyfriend on the hook. Well after due investigation of the situation, I sadly found that she actually had teamed herself up with the "Dynamic Duo!" And I'm not exactly referring to Batman and Robin either!


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## UsagiNeko (Aug 15, 2012)

Here's what I hear all the time:

*"You're letting your anxiety get to you."*

"We ended it a long time ago."

"I'm not going to rebound after we separate, don't worry!"

*"I don't even remember that."*

"Is there anything I could do to show you otherwise?"

"I love you, but I need to do this." (talking about separation)

*"She says all the right things to make me feel better."*
*
"I trust her more than anyone."*

And finally, the biggest BS of them all:

*"It's like you want to be sad!"*


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## shakeitout (Jul 31, 2012)

"It's just harmless flirting."

"I won't show you my phone because I've done nothing wrong."

" She's just a friend."

"She's not even my type."

"Our life is all routine and I'm sick of it."

"Please don't hate me."


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## Astonefeather (Jan 1, 2010)

I got
"We're just good friends"
"She's not my type" - followed by compliments about my figure
"You are just being paranoid/insecure/jealous/hormonal"
"I can spend time with whomever I want"
"Why don't you trust me"
"There's nothing sexual going on"


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## Biscuits (Aug 2, 2012)

Entropy3000 said:


> I need to find myself.
> 
> I need some space.
> 
> ...


My Sister texted me and she needs me right away, (after spending 2 hours doing hair/make-up and wearing clothes she doesnt wear for me).

I need to go to my Mom's house and take something to my Sister, don't wait up for me tonight.

That text is from a girl friend, she always thalk perverted to me, its something we've done since High School.

I dont want to be with him I want to be with you, (after finding texts to EX the morning after we hit the bar, she tried to ditch me to go see him, but he was busy)


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## Left With 4.5 (Aug 4, 2012)

Twofaces said:


> How about......
> 
> I did it
> I didnt do it
> ...




OMG! Everytime my STBXH tells me that, I feel like I want to smack him and say Seriously???


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## sick. (Jul 18, 2012)

Your paranoia is leading to our divorce.
This is getting weird/ your crazy.
How about this- "we're just friends"(as in me and H)
Orrr... It wasn't me! Lol.


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## iheartlife (Apr 4, 2012)

Biscuits said:


> My Sister texted me and she needs me right away, (after spending 2 hours doing hair/make-up and wearing clothes she doesnt wear for me).
> 
> I need to go to my Mom's house and take something to my Sister, don't wait up for me tonight.
> 
> ...


she needs a new job, as a sitcom scriptwriter! or maybe she needs to go into politics


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## Hamster2 (Aug 6, 2012)

My miserable story is here:

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general-relationship-discussion/52986-good-bad-ugly.html

The one I go one time, almost shouting at me, was: I am a grown up woman and I don't have to tell you my every move and actions.

Boy, was I ever blind!!

About her (supposedly one time fling): It was just sex and meant nothing

These, from this thread, I have heard too and never connected the dots. 

I need to find myself.
I need some space.
Stop being jealous, insecure and controlling.
I have a right to my privacy
I think we need some time apart to think. Lets separate for a while.
I wasn't telling you truth to protect your feelings!


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## UsagiNeko (Aug 15, 2012)

It's even worse when they turn the focus around on you, blaming you and trying to make you feel guilty.

"You're so paranoid."

"You scare me."

"This is why it's not going to work between us."

'I might as well be doing it for real if you really believe that."


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

As STBXW expounded about me to a mutual friend of both of ours:

*"Nice guy, but he needs to get a clue. I don't wish him bad, but let's just be done and be friends!"*

This mutual friend knows absolutely nothing about her dual tryst with the two other guys from her past, all while she was so "lovingly" living at home with me!


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## iheartlife (Apr 4, 2012)

UsagiNeko said:


> It's even worse when they turn the focus around on you, blaming you and trying to make you feel guilty.
> 
> "You're so paranoid."
> 
> ...


Usagi, you understand what this is right? This is gaslighting, trying to make you feel crazy for even suggesting that they're doing anything wrong even though the proof is right in front of you. It is an extremely, extremely common tactic.


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## Mr. T (Apr 23, 2012)

1. ILYBINILWY*
2. Where we ever in love?
3. I never meant to hurt you.
4. Ive changed.
5. I feel like I'm keeping you from doing things you want to do.
6. I don't know....
7. *It's nothing you did, it's me
8. *rewriting of history - 'I didn't look happy when we had our first look'...'our engagement wasn't romantic'*
9. *We just sit around and never do anything.
10. *When we first started dating I never thought that I couldn't live without you.
11. *I don't feel like I should feel being married.
12. *I feel like we are just friends.
13. *You weren't romantic enough.
14. *You didn't take my shirt off enough when we fooled around
15. *I'm uncomfortable around you.
16. *I dread coming home to you.
17. *I look back at those wedding pictures and wasn't happy...I just smiled so the pictures looked good.
18. *You are too serious in life...I guess that's being an adult, but the person I used to know didn't give a **** and was spontaneous.
19. *You never bought me lingerie.*
20. *He talks to me about work and you think my job is stupid.
21. *Its me that has work to do

All were said to me by her. On top of lots of texting and calling to this 1 number. Keeping the phone attached to her hip, Wanting to go out all the time, wearing high heals, etc.
She still denies anything happened. Of course she has moved out and we are more than likely heading to D.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

I hate you. And it's your fault.


----------



## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

I've fallen in love, he's my soulmate, I've never loved anyone like this, never will again. My life has ended.


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## UsagiNeko (Aug 15, 2012)

Then he uses pity-party lines to distract me from being suspicious.

"Maybe I was meant to be alone."

"I can't even think of being in another relationship now, even with her (the OW)."

"I feel so awful for what I did, and I so sorry."


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## Twofaces (Dec 5, 2011)

UsagiNeko said:


> It's even worse when they turn the focus around on you, blaming you and trying to make you feel guilty.
> 
> "You're so paranoid."
> 
> ...




Omg. Yeah. Heard all of those too.


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## Twofaces (Dec 5, 2011)

UsagiNeko said:


> Then he uses pity-party lines to distract me from being suspicious.
> 
> "Maybe I was meant to be alone."
> 
> ...





At least you got an im sorry. I still havent gotten that. Almost 1 year later


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## Harken Banks (Jun 12, 2012)

Twofaces said:


> Omg. Yeah. Heard all of those too.


Yes some variation of all of those. The point is to convince you that you have lost your mind. Lovely.


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## Headspin (May 13, 2012)

"You made me get a part time job for 7 hrs a week for 8 weeks 15 yrs ago"

"you made me get a part time job after **** was born 9 yrs ago"

" I've resented that for years .....and that's why I have no respect for you" 

__

I kid you not


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## Jonesey (Jul 11, 2011)

Headspin said:


> "You made me get a part time job for 7 hrs a week for 8 weeks 15 yrs ago"
> 
> "you made me get a part time job after **** was born 9 yrs ago"
> 
> ...


WTF ,Seriously??


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## Headspin (May 13, 2012)

Jonesey said:


> WTF ,Seriously??




Yep and exactly my response too

There's others in the same ilk - all jaw droppingly brilliant in their own way

"Out in the real world I make a difference - it's so exciting getting real things done and I come home to you doing what you do" (Me full time househusband and part time worker)

Even some of my best mates barely believe me

....but if you need an excuse she'll find one - a cheat always can!


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## StagesOfGrief (Aug 19, 2012)

"you have nothing to be insecure about"


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## Confused_and_bitter (Aug 6, 2011)

Oh my my my....

The gems my WH came up with -

1. Oh she's just some new girl and I HAVE to talk to her to get my paperwork.

2. She friended everyone from work! (on FB)

3. You can't come to the office you will make a scene!

4. You have nothing to worry about, did you see her? She has nothing on you!

Once the EA was exposed 

1. You were not in love with the real me, just the person you wanted me to be.

2. I'm a terrible father I never pay attention to her(our little one) it would be better for you both if I left.

3. She liked hearing my stories and we have so much in common.

4. At first I didn't tell you because it wasn't a big deal but then I didn't tell you because you would get mad.

5. Women are catty that's why I avoided telling you about her.

6. It's not an affair because I didn't like her like "that" 

7. Stop calling it an affair

8. But we never had sex

9. It never got physical

10. I was jealous of other couples that get to go out and have fun, that's why I went to the bar with her.

11. No I never considered us a couple.

12. Well if you wouldn't read into everything I say you wouldn't get so upset, just believe me.

13. I could never go out with you because of the baby.... (Grrrrrrr that one REALLY pissed me off.)

Oh hell everything he said during and after was bull$hit and what made it even more unbelievable was that he actually expected me to just forgive him and move on like nothing happened.


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## Headspin (May 13, 2012)

"and this time I've fallen for him"

........."BUT - I'm not in a relationship with him" :scratchhead:


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## Harken Banks (Jun 12, 2012)

StagesOfGrief said:


> "you have nothing to be insecure about"


I got this one verbatim.


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## Mr. T (Apr 23, 2012)

Oh I forgot this one...when asked why she had red 4" F me heals in her car..."I am tired of not wearing heals around you (I'm 5'9") and I am going to do what I want to do for once".

Funny thing is I told her a bunch of times it didn't bother me if she wore heals and was a hair taller than me....kinda like joe Pesci and Sharon stone in Casino !
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## StagesOfGrief (Aug 19, 2012)

Harken Banks said:


> I got this one verbatim.


yeah this one was her favorite ones. I obviously had something to be insecure about so the fact she had the gall to say this will make this phrase always haunt me a little bit.


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## NornIron7 (Jul 5, 2012)

Yeah ! This is so familiar.

I got all the classics. "Honest, he's just a friend" and "I don't remember" when questioned about some texting.

Plus the "Don't you tell me what to do" aka "please don't tell me to go no contact with him.".


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## Headspin (May 13, 2012)

Hehe 

More coming back now

Responding to my noticing something 'going on ' when she invited OM (work colleague) and his family around for dinner

"Don't be ridiculous you and I are in the best place we have been in for years... I'm not going to risk this again after it's been so wonderful" 

....two days later as emails revealed she told hm she loved him

:rofl:

That laughter must mean something because till now I did not find it all funny but now I must say it's cracking me up the sheer front of it ...

man she has got some balls!


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## Ben Connedfussed (May 4, 2012)

I have heard this time and time again and it is common...

"Nothing is going on!"

"Nothing happened!"

"There is no one but you!"

Yeah, and then there is, "Do not worry so much. You don't have a single thing to worry about!"

Plus the deny, deny, deny thing. Most people will tell you, "If you ever have an affair, deny, deny, deny if you want to keep the marriage. Do not act suspicious and just tapper off the affair so your w/h won't really suspect the truth."

With my own experience, my spouse was always talking about someone. Then, when I suspected an affair, the denial came hot and heavy. There were other signs, of course. But the guy still came around, not so often, then rarely. Now he doesn't show up in conversation, at the work sight, nothing. See, more and more, I believe he is the one my wife was involved with. In a sense, these things are right out of the text book about affairs. I will never know the truth and thus, no real peace of mind can be achieved. There is no real reconciliation, either. Just a limbo, a fear of some future affair, who knows. I also suspect the affair was ended because I was so onto it, and both he and my wife did not want to loose their marriages, just have some side nookie. Darn cake eaters! But yeah, they will deny and deny to no avail. Good luck.


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## Harken Banks (Jun 12, 2012)

I don't know how common it is, I hope it's not, but my wife would say to me with bitter anger and resentment that she thought she might have to be put on antidepressants because of how poorly I was bearing up to her affair. I had done that to her. Yep. That was rich.


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## Bentley'sMom (Jul 10, 2012)

Oh yeah I got
I left because of you
You never supported me (um ok listening to you yabba on about your day whilst you drank yourself stupid wasn't anything, paying off your debts when we got married wasn't supportive)
'Your money threats were one of the reasons I left' (umm what threats?
It became impossible to live there
We don't love each other anymore
I can't be round anyone right now
I don't have time to have an affair
You'll be happier
Our relationship wasn't working (maybe because you were sleeping with someone else?)
Clean start for both of us 
I've asked my lawyer and if I want to go and see my friend at that address I can
You think I want to get into a relationship right now and let another woman screw me over
I'm alone and on my own
I have a right to live my own life moving forward
I don't need to tell you anything (he never once has manned up and never will)
And when I found out he was living with the ugly skank 'I'm not there, that's not my address'
OK, so when my lawyer asks for your address what you gonna say?
And this classic - I've still got a lot of feelings for you, maybe we can date after the divorce, even remarry
Lying devious narc b'stard! Cheated a lot and then decided to move in with someone else whilst never telling me or stating he definitely wanted a divorce. What a plank. Now I have nothing to do with him and never will again, thanks for the 12 years I wasted you tool.


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## Miss Taken (Aug 18, 2012)

Before D-Day

1) You need to get a hobby.
2) If you just had more things to do/had a job/had more friends, you wouldn't be so obsessed with this.
3) Stop creating drama where there isn't any.
4) I am/have been working on us.
5) I never said that.
6) I didn't want to go out to the club to meet girls.
7) My friend .... always has these hot girls chasing after him.
8) .... always goes out all the time, he's living the life man.
9) I've just been so busy studying, I have an exam on.... (he has to take courses all the time for his field)
10) I am just so stressed about abcdefghijklmnop (name anything, I've heard it all), so I haven't had as much time for you and our kid, when abcdefghijklmnop.... is over I will.
11) That never happened
12) That's not how it happened.
13) I was drunk, I don't remember.
14) I don't remember that at all.

After D-Day
1) If anyone's cheated here it's you.
2) I didn't cheat on you (after I found his profile online and messages to women and he admitted it)
3) It was only an emotional affair - I haven't slept with anyone.
4) I never cheated (after saying #3)
5) When would I have time to cheat (I answer) we start arguing about the details but not the topic at hand like times, people's names (basically **** that doesn't matter to avoid the discussion).
6) Oh, you want an answer? Am I actually allowed to speak now? *then changes subject/starts fight over something unrelated*)
7) ______________(says nothing for twenty minutes)


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## GotMeWonderingNow (May 31, 2012)

Ben Connedfussed said:


> With my own experience, my spouse was always talking about someone. Then, when I suspected an affair, the denial came hot and heavy. There were other signs, of course. But the guy still came around, not so often, then rarely. Now he doesn't show up in conversation, at the work sight, nothing. See, more and more, I believe he is the one my wife was involved with. In a sense, these things are right out of the text book about affairs. I will never know the truth and thus, no real peace of mind can be achieved. There is no real reconciliation, either. Just a limbo, a fear of some future affair, who knows. I also suspect the affair was ended because I was so onto it, and both he and my wife did not want to loose their marriages, just have some side nookie. Darn cake eaters! But yeah, they will deny and deny to no avail. Good luck.


This is giving me goose bumps. Sounds exactly like my current situation (except no guy coming around)... 

Plus I get the "I can't remember..." one a lot when quizzing on EA details.


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## bronwen (Apr 29, 2012)

She was funny and we had a lot in common!


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## Mr. T (Apr 23, 2012)

Oh another one... If we hadnt moved to Florida I would have still realized I wasn't happy with you, it would have just take me longer.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Bentley'sMom (Jul 10, 2012)

Ha ha, what moronic children they turn into!
I also got after I was trying to divorce (bit off topic but shows the extent of their delusions)
'just f off out my life'
'go back to the UK'
'I will fight you in court on alimony'
'you are trying to make me fund a loveless marriage'
'if you want a free ride look elsewhere'
'all you did was clean the house once a week and moan about it' 
'marriage is about shared interests, common goals and contributions'
whiny voice 'i don't want to be married any more'
'stop theatening me'
'you have rolled out the big guns and I'm the one who needs protecting' (because I hired a good law firm)
'you will try and take me to the cleaners'
'I have not ruined your life'
'when you earn as much as I do' (he would maybe consider taking me back as his wife)
'i tried to gain some freedom and you knocked that on the head' (ummm of course)
''I'm not acting irrationally and I'm holding down a job'
''you seem to think I owe you'
'I'm better off without you'
Blah blah, narcissitic crappiness at every turn!

Oh and the lovely 'I haven't been laid in a while' (all lies he was having an affair and had cheated before)
Me: 'Neither have I'
Him: 'Who's fault is that'
Also 'go to the gym' (I'm a size 4, was an 8, yes a big elephant when he has alwyas been over weight!)
'You can't cook, love' whilst aiming a plate at my face then throwing it against the wall
'I don't like my Christmas presents, they show you don't know me'
After grabbing me by the throat and shoving me into a wall 'I was protecting myself you were coming at me with your arms flaying' (I was? I remember trying to go around him, is all)

Abusive? Oh yeah.


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

Hey Bentley's Mom.

Your H probably was narcissistic.

But he is definitely pure ASS*OLE!

Sorry you had to endure his crap....

HM64


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## Bentley'sMom (Jul 10, 2012)

Thanks Happyman, you know I just re-read what I wrote and now I'm scratching my head thinking why did I put up with this?
Glad I'm divorcing his sorry butt and I'll be free soon!

But, as he says, it is ALL MY FAULT!!!!


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

Bentley'sMom said:


> Thanks Happyman, you know I just re-read what I wrote and now I'm scratching my head thinking why did I put up with this?
> Glad I'm divorcing his sorry butt and I'll be free soon!
> 
> But, as he says, it is ALL MY FAULT!!!!


No thanks needed BM. I was with a crazy person for a while too! Funny, we start acting like them after a while.

Life gets better.....


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## Left With 4.5 (Aug 4, 2012)

Just the other day my STBXH called me and asked me how many childhood friends do I still keep in touch with? I said most of them. He replied by saying, "You know why!?!? It's because YOU'VE pushed them all out of your life! Just like you did to me!" 

Um, hello? I said most of them because two of my childhood friends had passed away! Unless I can talk to the dead, I don't think I can keep in touch with them. 

My ex had said almost EVERYTHING that everyone posted here. It's unbelievable how COMMON these phrases are used among the cheaters. I wish I could print out a list and mail it to my STBXH.


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## Left With 4.5 (Aug 4, 2012)

Here's another one:

You think I want to leave a 20 year marriage and jump into another relationship?


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## Writer (Aug 3, 2012)

I have to admit it is hard to remember the things that I used to say to my husband regarding my EA. It was in '06. I'm kind of happy about it because the EA doesn't mean as much as I thought it did at the time. These things aren't things that I'm proud of, and, if I could take back the words to save him the pain I caused him, I would.

I used to say:

*"It's too late now. You should have thought about this before you agreed to an open marriage."* To understand this, I asked him for a one-sided open marriage for my own benefit. I sent sexting and dirty pics to the guy. Kept pushing my husband's boundaries until I was in a fully developed EA.

*"You want to cancel WoW, go ahead. We have email and the internet."* - Mainly emails at the time. My AP and I would email each other 1 in the morning, 1 in the afternoon, and 1 in the evening. I would go on yahoo to talk to him. If only I spent the energy I did on my AP on my husband.

*"Go ahead, and shut off the internet. I don't care."* - There were other avenues that I could contact my AP. 

*"He needs me, writer's husband. Everyone is ganging up on him."* - Beside the needing me part, this is true. Everyone argued with my AP. I wondered why? The man had very low morals at the time. He had this chip on his shoulder, arguing with everyone. Me, I did too, but now don't. I believe this is when my husband gave up on me and got closer to his OW. 

His words

My husband's was more the typical EA. He sneaked around, creating another email account when I caught a picture of the OW doing things just for my husband. He withheld it for 2 years in effort to "save me pain" and proceeded to trickle truth me. Because of the trickle truth and continual lies, it nearly ended our marriage. It's not the only thing. I was upfront about everything the month after it happened.

*"She is just my friend"* - Yes, but I know that from my own EA you don't stay up til 7 am to talk to just a friend. A friend does not cry to you that your wife is monopolize your time. 

*"Stop attacking the OW"* - I'm threatened by her because I can hear you talk about her. She calls me a bad wife, but you don't defend your wife. Infact, you stick up for the OW at almost every opportunity.

*"That email you found was sent to everyone on her friend's life"* , *"That email you found was sent to me by mistake" * , *"I never looked at it, I deleted it* - Yes, because the OW would be that careless when it comes to what in the video in that email. That's why you deleted it with it being marked read. 

*"I had my EA to get back at you. She meant nothing to me. How does it feel?"* - This I believe is the truth. My husband has done nothing before or since. If it was for love or affection, I would have understood better. It's a hard pill to swallow when you realize that you married a man that could manipulate a woman so thoroughly. I scoured the _skype_ PM conversations, listened in on his conversations with her (before I butted in on them), I had no evidence of him ever saying that he loved her, no evidence of an attachment to her.


----------



## BrokenHeartedBelle (Feb 14, 2012)

I got:

"I didn't sleep with her, I couldn't physically have sex with anyone else...I love you"

"I was going to end it, but I felt bad for her"


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## Left With 4.5 (Aug 4, 2012)

I didn't know what I was doing.


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## Mtts (Apr 16, 2012)

"I need to find myself"
"I deleted my texts all the time, to make my phone run faster"
"He made a move on me I didn't recipricate it!"
"I want to feel independent"
"I always thought about divorce, even getting married"

Best of all: "You looking at my email, facebook and phone just shows how far we've grown apart, I dont know if I even want to try now.."

Best part about all of that mess was with the phones. I hate cell phones now. Cell phones and facebook both are absolute pits of relational sorrow. I remember when I was saying she was up to something and I knew, even wrote down several conversations, so didn't matter if she deleted them. She attacked me asking for my phone, which I produced put it in her lap and said "look all you want, I haven't deleted ANYTHING on my phone for the last 1year+" She kind of just stared, decided that I was being "childish" and attempted to brush it off. I laughed and said "this is the problem, even when I'm being open and honest upon your request, your afraid to accept b/c it requires you to do the same." It felt great at the time to shame her.


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## Harken Banks (Jun 12, 2012)

Mtts, you are giving me flashbacks.


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## Disenchanted (Sep 12, 2012)

I got a lot of them, but the most glaring:

"It's not like that"

"He's just a baby"


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## Mtts (Apr 16, 2012)

I hear ya man. It's ruff terrain but me and my wife are still married. I was fortunate to have a lot of people seeing her out and about and knowing what she was up to regardless. I have very little suspicion that anything physical happened.

In fact that brings up a point I've come to. I find many of these situations seem to be simple rebellion from the relationship not necessarily the purpose of "finding mr/mrs perfect." So If it makes anyone feel better, it's not usually sexual, emotional or physical lacking, it's usually our spouses are just in a weak point in their lives and need some "school of hard truths" before they'll be the people we loved.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

"I won't even dignify that question with an answer!"

"Why would I do that?"

"When would I have time to do that?""

"We're just friends."

"He's like a brother to me."


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## chumplady (Jul 27, 2012)

Here, it's been animated and put into cartoon form. And you can send submissions. Stupid Sh*t Cheaters say.

(You need to put the vowel back in sh*t for the link to work)

http://chumplady.com/stupid-sh*t-cheaters-say/

My favorite submission so far is "she's just my confidante at the gym."


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## Michie (Aug 26, 2012)

Deflect
Deflect
Deflect
Blame spouse line
Deflect
Deflect
Deflect

Project
Project
You have sex on the brain you're cheating on me.
You're crazy
Project
Project


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## Hamster2 (Aug 6, 2012)

After D-Day, Aug. 13, I have been hearing these a lot lately.

I am not your property.
Nobody owns me.
I can do what I want, I am a grown up woman.

Also, every time the topic of her cheating comes up, she comes up with more reasons/excuses to justify having her affair.

Sigh...


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## RWB (Feb 6, 2010)

When I asked WHY you needed to cheat? 

her initial response... "I felt our marriage was broken."


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## krismimo (Jan 26, 2011)

Or after they are busted... they say "Oh I knew the whole time you were spying on me, I did it just to prove a point or you needed to be taught a lesson...Lesson learned not only are you a cheater but also a horrible liar.


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## Onmyway (Apr 25, 2012)

How about:

"If I was going to have an affair it would be with someone better than him"

Or

"It's a good thing he's not like that or something could have happened, but he's a good guy and really likes you"

"He was very in love with his girlfriend, but she cheated on him, got pregnant and left him for that guy, he would never do anything like that to anyone"


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## Chris22 (Jul 16, 2012)

"Go ahead then, here check my phone/facebook/etc,(delete as appropriate) nothing is going on" --- I'm safe in the knowledge that I am talking to him elsewhere.

I need to find myself --- classic bull****, I want to talk to OM and I don't want you around because you will catch me out and I don't want to see your sad face in case I feel guilt.

You're asking me to pick you or my friends?! I would never do that to you. --- Even though you are not asking that at all, and you suspect I am going to sleep with the OM, which I am, ill pull the friends card out to make you seem the bad guy. 

It was only once and I was drunk/stupid/sad. --- It was more than once, hell I'm still doing it now, but I don't know how much you know so ill play it safe and say once.

I don't know if I love you the same way anymore --- I do love you... Or maybe I don't... Hey I don't know what love is anyway, if I say "I don't know" you still have a little hope, so if my new relationship doesn't work, you can be the plan B.. But anyway, the OM is hot! Ill bang him and think about my feelings later, as I know you will come crawling back.

The marriage was over way before I cheated --- No it wasn't, but I feel much less guilty this way.

More to come soon!!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Left With 4.5 (Aug 4, 2012)

Chris22 said:


> The marriage was over way before I cheated --- No it wasn't, but I feel much less guilty this way.
> 
> More to come soon!!!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


My ex keeps telling me that! My question is, if it was over before he cheated, why didn't I know!?!? Answer: Cake eater!


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## daisygirl 41 (Aug 5, 2011)

'I didn't tell you because I was scared of losing you'!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Harken Banks (Jun 12, 2012)

RWB said:


> When I asked WHY you needed to cheat?
> 
> her initial response... "I felt our marriage was broken."


Or "dead." Coupled with "I was in a bad place."


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## Harken Banks (Jun 12, 2012)

"I am so ashamed. I am so sorry. I am sorry without asking forgiveness. Without qualification or condition. Without asking anything in return. I am simply sorry." /s


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## Chris22 (Jul 16, 2012)

Left With 4.5 said:


> My ex keeps telling me that! My question is, if it was over before he cheated, why didn't I know!?!? Answer: Cake eater!


Exactamundo! My STBXW constantly said this, or something similar to. Yes there were a few hard times, but over? Stfu! Bull!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RWB (Feb 6, 2010)

daisygirl 41 said:


> 'I didn't tell you because I was scared of losing you'!!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


My wife said exactly this. I countered... scared, really?... you continued to cheat for 6 more years with how many men?

Rock Bottom:

"I swear on the Holy Bible (hand now on bible). I have told you the everything."

Nope, more lies. She knows the lies don't work anymore, about to lose it. 1/2 hour later, she implodes, and for the first time in 6 years she starts to tell the truth.


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## Numb in Ohio (Oct 31, 2011)

H: " You _are and always have been the most important thing in my life, my world revolves around you"_

Me: So, when you were talking to these women, I feel that you didn't even think of me, my feelings. I feel that you held these "friends" to higher importance than our marriage.

H: _At the time when I was talking with them,, I did feel they were more important than you._... as we were in a bad place then.

A little contradicting isn't it?


Also...
He says that he never talked about meeting for sex with either of them because as he says, " why would I need sex from anyone else, I got it whenever I wanted it from you.


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

Runs like Dog said:


> Lots of people come home with their panty hose inside out. It's more common than you think.


Different knickers on as well.


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