# Is this normal??



## dreday8432 (Jun 2, 2013)

So my wife of 4 years has been acting strange lately. She has been spending a lot of time lately with her girl friends. I do not object to her spending time with her friends because it is needed but currently she feels that spending time with them is a priority over spending time with me. It has even gone so far that she yelled at me for trying to talk to her about it saying that i was messing up her plans to hang out with her friends. If your wife creates a sporatic event with her friends and does not try to include her husband is that alright? It seems to be going on like 5 days a week so I can't even try to arrange a date night because she is already "booked." What set me over to want to find a forum to discuss this was when she made plans to hang out with her friend and her husband to talk about how to learn photography because her husband just graduated from school. I was supposed to work and my job sent me home early because we had no patients. I thought it would be good to meet up with her because we had a babysitter and it would be good to have a couples night. As I called her she did not answer the first 5 times over an hour span. When i finally got a hold of her she said what do you want? I asked where she was and all and she wouldnt tell me. She said every time i go out you try to ruin my plans. I said i'm not trying to i just would like to know where you are? She refused and said dont call me again im hanging up the phone and turning it off for the rest of the night. Somehow in there trying to surprise my wife i was ruining her plans. I don't want to say she is cheating but she was with her girlfriend but i have no way of confirming that. So my question being is there a limit to how much time your wife should spend with her friends and if so should she include you in some of those plans especially if the friends are mutual? I'm not jealous by no means but it just seems rediculous to tell your significant other they are not part of the plans and if there is something else they can do because they are not a part of the plans


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

I think the fact that she thinks it's ok to speak to anyone like that, let alone her husband, is more of a problem to you

Why do you put up with it? 

Would I be going out with my friends 5 nights a week when I was married - nope, I wanted to be with my husband and probably saw my friends once a month if that


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

dreday8432 said:


> I thought it would be good to meet up with her because we had a babysitter and it would be good to have a couples night. *As I called her she did not answer the first 5 times over an hour span. When i finally got a hold of her she said what do you want? I asked where she was and all and she wouldnt tell me. She said every time i go out you try to ruin my plans. I said i'm not trying to i just would like to know where you are? She refused and said dont call me again im hanging up the phone and turning it off for the rest of the night. *


Sir,
If this is the way your wife speaks to you,
I'm sorry, but you are in for a very rough ride.
You have allowed this to reach way too far, and there is _almost_ nothing you can do about it now.

Almost.

When someone is _that_ disrespectful,
There is only one language they can understand.


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## See_Listen_Love (Jun 28, 2012)

dreday8432 said:


> So my wife of 4 years has been acting strange lately. She has been spending a lot of time lately with her girl friends.


Just The first line;

The feeling: An other man bites the dust.

Dreday, these are Famous First Words...



Eh...refrase that: Notorious First words...


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## See_Listen_Love (Jun 28, 2012)

To short circuit it:

When she was 'offline' she was in bed with someone else, man or woman.

As she tells you not to bother her: You are the so called Doormat.

There are numerous threads here that deal with about the same case as yours. Read and learn.

Most Important: Say Nothing to Her Anymore, Do Nothing that makes her clear that you are not buying her story.

ONLY if posters on the CWI forum tell you confront her. ONLY then.

(And let this thread be moved to the CWI forum)


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

It's ok to feel jealous but, in this situation I wouldn't even call it that. I would have been furious, I told her not to come home and bother you. On the rare times I go out in let my husband know where I'm going and for how long. 

I can't believe she did not answer all night and you are asking if there's a limit on how much time she should be with her friends. You have a cheating and disrespectful wife on you hands. 

Once you realize that let us know how you want to proceed, there is plenty of help here. You can start by but start by reading no more mr nice guy. https://7chan.org/lit/src/Robert_Glover_-_No_More_Mr_Nice_Guy.pdf
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

No its not normal for most.

What kind of relationship did you have before this?


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

What your wife is doing is disrespectful. Going out 5 nights a week is very excessive.

I would assume she most likely is cheating on you. These are definitely red flags of someone in the midst of an affair.

My ex h had this behavior and I was in denial. I never did get the truth from my ex h, but from a couple women he had slept with after our divorce. Living in a small town has it's perks I guess, your easy to find. 

Go through her phone and read her texts and also monitor her computer usage. You need to put your foot down and set boundaries. Your wife is not even putting any effort into your marriage. 

Good luck.


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

Dreday

How old are you two? How many kids?

Stop questioning your wife and do the following:

Check your phone bill to see who she calls and texts? Look for patterns.

Then go to Target and buy two Vars(voice activated recorders).

Put one in her car with good lithium batteries.

Do this to confirm who she is talking to, who she is spending time with and that no OM is involved.

Keep the 2nd var on you to record conversations with her. Do not tell her you are doing this.

If your wife is just hanging with the girls then you need to straighten out the respect issue. She has none for you.

If there is someone else then come back here for guidance.

HM64


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

This is headed for the ILYBINILWY speech.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

dreday8432 said:


> So my wife of 4 years has been acting strange lately. She has been spending a lot of time lately with her girl friends. I do not object to her spending time with her friends because it is needed but currently she feels that spending time with them is a priority over spending time with me. It has even gone so far that she yelled at me for trying to talk to her about it saying that i was messing up her plans to hang out with her friends. If your wife creates a sporatic event with her friends and does not try to include her husband is that alright? It seems to be going on like 5 days a week so I can't even try to arrange a date night because she is already "booked." What set me over to want to find a forum to discuss this was when she made plans to hang out with her friend and her husband to talk about how to learn photography because her husband just graduated from school. I was supposed to work and my job sent me home early because we had no patients. I thought it would be good to meet up with her because we had a babysitter and it would be good to have a couples night. As I called her she did not answer the first 5 times over an hour span. When i finally got a hold of her she said what do you want? I asked where she was and all and she wouldnt tell me. She said every time i go out you try to ruin my plans. I said i'm not trying to i just would like to know where you are? She refused and said dont call me again im hanging up the phone and turning it off for the rest of the night. Somehow in there trying to surprise my wife i was ruining her plans. I don't want to say she is cheating but she was with her girlfriend but i have no way of confirming that. So my question being is there a limit to how much time your wife should spend with her friends and if so should she include you in some of those plans especially if the friends are mutual? I'm not jealous by no means but it just seems rediculous to tell your significant other they are not part of the plans and if there is something else they can do because they are not a part of the plans


I have my time with my wife scheduled. Our time comes off the top. Any change to this we have to agree on.

We practice POJA. Policy Of Joint Agreement.

Nothing wrong with being jealous if there is reason to be jealous.

But personally what your wife is saying would basically be a deal breaker for me. Is she alos in an affair? Perhaps. But my dealbreaker is short of that.


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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

Probably having an affair, but even if she isn't she might as well be with the lack of respect shown.

You've let her walk all over you, which is not normal. 

A couple ways to go with this. One is to snoop on the phone, computer, install quality voice activated recorder and bust her cold with her affair. Keep all the evidence.

The other is to issue the ultimatum, which I would have done prior to this point.


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