# A life's dilemma



## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

This morning I woke to a new thread featuring a couple that has started down a path of physical violence. As much as that original poster needs support to get out of the relationship, I feel that the time has come to discuss the systemic problem. This is certainly one of life's dilemmas.
On the one hand it is well known and accepted that there is no excuse for physically assaulting another person. But, in our experience physical violence has become normalized. It is a regular element of sport, and is featured in popular entertainment. Very similar to the way that every police drama ends with gunfire. We are shown slapping hitting and kicking as normal ways to express frustration or anger, or as a way to resolve differences. This is not true. This is not a normal response. It doesn't even make good entertainment.
The normalization of physical violence is inflammatory. It leads to more violence in society. In homes. And even in relationships. Why do we support in entertainment what we detest in real life? It's insanity.


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## Tasorundo (Apr 1, 2012)

I think you could say that about everything in entertainment. It is full of double crossing, lying, murder, sex, infidelity, rape, violence, drugs, and on it goes. That has always been the case, go back through all of human history and you will find those themes in entertainment.

People are fascinated by forbidden fruit.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

And society is learning from video and tv being brought into the house as normal cable, movies, etc.

That more sex, violence, gore, etc is acceptable. 

The differences from movies' content on explicit sex or gore is today much, much more graphic and in your face than movies from 20 years ago.

Nothing left to the imagination.


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## StarFires (Feb 27, 2018)

Because your premise was based on a case of domestic abuse, I vehemently disagree with your post tying domestic violence in with the desensitization of violence in general. Domestic abuse (in all its forms) has been a problem throughout history, so obviously it has been a problem since long before the invention of television.

Additionally, abuse/violence itself (in all its forms) has always been a part of life and something that people enjoyed viewing. Think about the violent gladiator sports of Roman times, as well as the spectator-encouraged public beheadings of before and during the medieval period. Even of modern times, electric chair executions began before television too. Boxing matches began before television. People have always liked blood sport. It's just that nobody likes violence committed to or on them. 

Domestic abuse, however, is an entirely different subject and borne of entirely different motivations because it's about power and control.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

I have at various times in my life been the victim of violence. I was bullied by 2 teachers and a pack of students in grade school. I was hit by my fiance'. I was bullied again by older students in high school. I was spanked by my parents. I studied the controlled use of violence in combat sports as a competitor. I fought back against bullying in school. I raised 4 children, I repeated mistakes my parents made with me. I have at the ripe old age of 50 plus, finally come to terms with nonviolent exercise of power. I disagree with you @StarFires . Power and control are held with or without the use of violence. Abuse is always an act of violence. And I am willing to propose that all violence is abusive. I get that you like violence, I've been there. It's time, at least for me, to leave there. I encourage you to rethink your feelings on violence. That is pretty much what this thread is about. .


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## StarFires (Feb 27, 2018)

Mr. Nail said:


> Power and control are held with or without the use of violence. Abuse is always an act of violence. And I am willing to propose that all violence is abusive. I get that you like violence, I've been there. It's time, at least for me, to leave there. I encourage you to rethink your feelings on violence. That is pretty much what this thread is about. .


You may have your opinions, but your opinions don't negate the decades of study by both the physical and the mental health care communities who defind domestic abuse as, in part, being about violence and control. It also doesn't make sense to make statements and then deny your comments were not based on nor derived from those statements.

You get that I like violence? I have no idea where that came from and lets me know you didn't undestand my post, which explains the reason you replied in disagreement with me, so I'll just leave you alone.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

I honestly believe that if people take up a violent sport, boxing, martial arts etc they are far less likely to resort to violence in their personal life. And people who are able to “handle” themselves in a physical confrontation, paradoxically are far less likely to be bullied even though they give off no outward signs of knowing how to fight. 
When I was ten I was bullied in school by one kid in particular. My Dad’s answer was to send me for boxing lessons. Shortly after this I started studying martial arts and at thirty six I practice almost every day. I’ve never been in a street fight or a bar fight.
I really hate guys who strike women and the gym I own has free self defense classes for women five mornings a week.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

StarFires said:


> You may have your opinions, but your opinions don't negate the decades of study by both the physical and the mental health care communities who defind domestic abuse as, in part, being about violence and control. It also doesn't make sense to make statements and then deny your comments were not based on nor derived from those statements.
> 
> You get that I like violence? I have no idea where that came from and lets me know you didn't undestand my post, which explains the reason you replied in disagreement with me, so I'll just leave you alone.


I don’t often agree with you but you are correct, domestic violence is all about control.


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

Andy1001 said:


> I honestly believe that if people take up a violent sport, boxing, martial arts etc they are far less likely to resort to violence in their personal life. And people who are able to “handle” themselves in a physical confrontation, paradoxically are far less likely to be bullied even though they give off no outward signs of knowing how to fight.
> When I was ten I was bullied in school by one kid in particular. My Dad’s answer was to send me for boxing lessons. Shortly after this I started studying martial arts and at thirty six I practice almost every day. I’ve never been in a street fight or a bar fight.
> I really hate guys who strike women and the gym I own has free self defense classes for women five mornings a week.


Truth.

I have trained my ass off for the last 5 years in BJJ, kickboxing, wrestling...all combined for MMA. 

The more I learn, the more I understand just how razor thin the margin of error is in a real fight, where there are no soft landings. 

I want nothing to do with violence unless I have no other option. Most of the guys on the mat feel the same way....most. 

Sent from my Pixel 3 XL using Tapatalk


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