# Coping without sex



## BeenHurt (Sep 19, 2012)

This is my first post here, I'm usually over in CWI section, but my question this time around is, how the heck am I supposed to cope without sex so often, now my wife of 8 years and I are through?

It's only been 7 days since I had it last, and the old DIY really isn't cutting it...it's the longest I've been without it in maybe 5 years, I have a very high drive, as did/does my wife we'd usually be 10+ a week excluding oral, and it's killllling me, my testicles physically hurt they are struggling so much..almost every girl I see is insanely attractive, and everything about TV and music seems to have sexual references, or undertones.

Is there a quick fix with this, initially? I've tried all sorts, exercise (makes it worse) cooking, self relief obviously, I've even literally had a cold shower :/

Any advice would be appreciated, I don't want to cave and go there with my HSTBXW I know that's a terrible idea, but I'm having a hard time not going there!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 40isthenew20 (Jul 12, 2012)

Go to a rub n tug massage parlor.


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

If you are 100% sure the marriage is done and there is no going back, get a FWB. Just don't become 'attached.' You are on the rebound right now, so make sure it's sex only. Last thing you need is a relationship to form when you're in a vulnerable state.

But if the marriage is over, there's nothing wrong with gettin g back out there and having fun.


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## wiigirl (Jun 14, 2012)

kingsfan said:


> If you are 100% sure the marriage is done and there is no going back, get a FWB. Just don't become 'attached.' You are on the rebound right now, so make sure it's sex only. Last thing you need is a relationship to form when you're in a vulnerable state.
> 
> But if the marriage is over, there's nothing wrong with gettin g back out there and having fun.


This...but officially end it. Make sure everyone knows it 100% done or things will get complicated quickly.









_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Clark G (Sep 5, 2012)

Yea don't get a FWB until you end the marriage. I agree with the above. 

Have you talked to your wife? I'm sure you have but you need to be totally honest that you want it more.

7 days doesn't seem like a lot. I have a high drive too but I also have self control over myself and when my wife left I had to go for 7 months without it. Tough? Yes but going out and running around on her to me is a character flaw/weakness.

I would find out what is going on and get real with her.

Joe


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## BeenHurt (Sep 19, 2012)

Yes it's 100% over, I'm still stuck there until I can get my own place, she's being very nice, first time she's ever looked remorseful, but I'm confident it's just a bull****, last ditch effort to turn me back to her...not going to happen, "**** off, I want you out the house, you're a psychopath" for 2 months, after SHE cheated....says a lot more than, "please don't go"
But see nicer she is, harder it is to stay strong.still physically attracted to her (a bit) and she is an ABSOLUTE animal in the sack.

I'm only young, and not a bad looker, so finding a FWB which I'm guessing is to do with a **** buddy right? Shouldn't be a problem, but I will wait until I'm out the family home, I can't be that cruel, even still.

7 months??? I think I'd die :/
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

BeenHurt said:


> Yes it's 100% over, I'm still stuck there until I can get my own place, she's being very nice, first time she's ever looked remorseful, but I'm confident it's just a bull****, last ditch effort to turn me back to her...not going to happen, "**** off, I want you out the house, you're a psychopath" for 2 months, after SHE cheated....says a lot more than, "please don't go"
> But see nicer she is, harder it is to stay strong.still physically attracted to her (a bit) and she is an ABSOLUTE animal in the sack.
> 
> I'm only young, and not a bad looker, so finding a FWB which I'm guessing is to do with a **** buddy right? Shouldn't be a problem, but I will wait until I'm out the family home, I can't be that cruel, even still.
> ...


Yeahhh, definately keep it to a **** buddy level (and yes, FWB is a **** buddy). You definately aren't at the emotional state to get involved with someone else outside of just sex.

I applaud your resolve to not do anything until you get your own place though. Whether or not she cheated, it's good of you to take the moral high ground. Might mean a few weeks or a month of doing without, but you'll look and feel better afterwards.


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## Clark G (Sep 5, 2012)

Didn't realize she had cheated - yea that would be a done deal for me. Then get out there and find one.

I met an older divorced guy one time and he called these "ponies in the barn" always keep good touch with women you hook up or date b/c you never know when they may come back around.

Once I got my emotions out I would try and do my wife who had left and was dating another man. Heck with it. I was going to show her what she left out on. And at the time I was dating 3 other women.

So after I decided that 7 months was enough I haven't had any trouble with that department since.

Joe


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## Clark G (Sep 5, 2012)

Toys are always fun. 

I don't find it hard to keep my emotions out of the mix but I'm a guy. I've met women like that too. They are always dangerous.

What's wrong with a good friend who you hook up with every so often - unless emotions do get involved and you take that risk.

Joe


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## justbidingtime (Sep 25, 2012)

10X's/wk excluding oral!!!!!!!!!!:scratchhead: How the heck is it possible to cheat?????

Frankly both of you have issues and need help as it is obvious she has serious issues that she was looking for sex while having a staggering amount at home. 

And the fact you're complaining after 7 days!!!!!

I suggest you both need to see a counselor as there are obviously co-dependency and sex addiction (I don't throw that word around easily) issues to discuss.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

You won't die after 7 months, it just feels that way.

I am HD, but practiced voluntary celibacy for years. The most surprising thing I learned from going without was that after the initial discomfort, your body, and mind, does indeed adapt very well to having no sex. The more I had sex, or masturbated, the more my body craved it. The only way to stop the urges was to stop all sexual activity until my body stopped screaming.

But that might require a level of control that you either don't have, or are not interested in implementing. The only other suggestion I'd have is to find yourself a woman.


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## anotherguy (Dec 14, 2011)




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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

GinnyTonia said:


> Horning in here BeenHurt. . I feel your pain!
> I'm in a very similar situation. I'm feeling pretty stir crazy. It's very distracting.
> 
> *I wonder, forum people, if you'd give the same advice to me...*
> ...


Yes.

If you aren't in a relationship anymore (completely split), what's wrong with a woman getting some when she needs it as well?


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## GinnyTonia (Jul 31, 2012)

anotherguy said:


>


It is folly!


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

anotherguy said:


>


Funny, but untrue.


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## anotherguy (Dec 14, 2011)

GinnyTonia said:


> It is folly!


...not with ten thousand men could you do this...


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## GinnyTonia (Jul 31, 2012)

Well, we know who the nerds are. GO NERDS! 
*reaches up for high five, everyone looks away, hand comes down, scratches nose*


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## anotherguy (Dec 14, 2011)

uhm sorry for the thoughtless hijack. Wasnt my intent.

It was my intent to inject that I agree it would be a pretty serious adjustment for someone like myself - or anyone that has had a very steady diet of physical and emotional sustenance over any number of years - like the OP.

My expectation is that it would be far more than 'simply' making a physical adjustment. I think that may agree with the OPs experience that 'self service' is simply not filling the void. There is more to it than simply ejaculation. Feels like horniness, but it is more than that, maybe.


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## GinnyTonia (Jul 31, 2012)

anotherguy said:


> uhm sorry for the thoughtless hijack. Wasnt my intent.
> 
> It was my intent to inject that I agree it would be a pretty serious adjustment for someone like myself - or anyone that has had a very steady diet of physical and emotional sustenance over any number of years.
> 
> My expectation is that it would be far more than 'simply' making a physical adjustment. I think that may agree with the OPs experience that 'self service' is simply not filling the void. There is more to it than simply ejaculation.


I agree, about the hijack (sorry!),
and about it being more than the O.


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## justbidingtime (Sep 25, 2012)

BeenHurt said:


> *we'd usually be 10+ a week excluding oral*, and it's killllling me, my testicles physically hurt they are struggling so much..almost every girl I see is insanely attractive, and everything about TV and music seems to have sexual references, or undertones.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Am I the only flabbergasted reading this?????!!!!!! They both are having sex 10+x's/wk and she found time to cheat???? And no one outside me thinks that's a red flag????

I don't get you guys on TAM.......


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Huh wat? You'll wait for 7 months before you'll get a f--kbuddy, just get one and fk at her place or elsewhere!

Screw waiting that long!


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## BeenHurt (Sep 19, 2012)

Yeah it wasn't sex outside of marriage that she cheated for, it was a connection, something about the way he looked at her, and treated her blaa ****ing blaa 
10 isn't that much you know, morning and night, like brushing your teeth  then I'd usually come back on my lunch break, and we'd often get away for a bit when I got home from work, she'd surprise me it all adds up pretty fast!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## BeenHurt (Sep 19, 2012)

Haha don't worry about the hijack, cracked me up!!

And Ginny yeah you have to get some too! **** buddy's aren't strangers after the fact 

I am dying here, my thighs are twitching, and I can't stop taping my feet! Had a few beers last night, and there was a chick there who I'd seen before, atrociously unattractive....but last night she looked like a 9!!
Every car that drives past, I'm peering in the windows, see if they have potential or not. Shop girls get harassed with flirt, I'm not coping very well haha!

There's no way I could do the abstinence thing, I have a lot if respect for those that do, don't get me wrong, but sex to me is like food, or breathing, needs to be done!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## justbidingtime (Sep 25, 2012)

BeenHurt said:


> Yeah it wasn't sex outside of marriage that she cheated for, it was a connection, something about the way he looked at her, and treated her blaa ****ing blaa
> 10 isn't that much you know, morning and night, like brushing your teeth  then I'd usually come back on my lunch break, and we'd often get away for a bit when I got home from work, she'd surprise me it all adds up pretty fast!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


If you say so........:scratchhead: I still think you are missing the problems that were right there. If I got 10X/mth I'd be over the moon and would have never found any of these sites.....


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