# I don’t understand my FWB – is this normal?



## IrishGirlVA (Aug 27, 2012)

I am 39 years old, divorced for over 10 years and no children (by choice). A few years ago I had a healthy FWB situation. Our “F” part consisted of him coming over, us talking for a while, having sex, him staying and watching some TV and then going. And we’d text every other day or so. 

I broke up with my boyfriend a little while ago and started up a FWB with a guy I have known for a few years. But we had never socialized outside of our respective jobs. To clarify, he manages the service center where I take my car and that is where all of our interactions took place until he called and asked me out for lunch. Anyway, with this guy, I don’t know if he is taking the friends part to a new level or he is wanting more. 

For example, after a few times out together (NASCAR race, lunch, dinner) he offered to help hang my new blinds even though he knew I had someone lined up to do it in a couple weeks. When he came over to do that nothing sexual happened between us. He always offers up his help for other things I need done around the house. This past weekend he brought over some DVD’s he thought I might like. Yesterday morning he asked me if I wanted breakfast and showed up with my favorite breakfast food and coffee. _(And OK, there was benefits this time!)_ But afterwards he stayed watching TV as I was getting ready for work. He is also planning things for us to do a week in advance. We do not sext each other at all. Just normal texting chatter. We laugh & joke around all the time, talk about current events, previous life experiences, movie trivia, etc. He sends me pictures of his kids and pets. And last night he offered to stop by after work so he could help me carry something heavy into my attic. He showed up with a case of my favorite beer and a bag filled with something else. He suggested watching a movie and we did that while cuddling on the couch. It was getting late so as he was getting his shoes on I grabbed the bag he brought into my house and handed it to him. He asked if he could leave that stuff behind. It was a toothbrush, toothpaste, deodorant and body soap. However I can explain that away because he is super sensitive about being hygienic. 

But I just don’t know what to think as I only have had one other FWB situation to compare it to. But is he wanting more than FWB’s? Does it seem like the friends part is a little over the top? And I haven't flipped the script on him and pursuing something more than a FWB situation. I don’t call, I rarely ever start the text messaging and I don’t invite him to do anything first. I’m just going with the flow. 

I would love opinions on this. I don’t want to bring it up because I like where things are and don’t want to make a fool of myself and assume he wants more if he doesn't. *But is this typical behavior from a man in a true FWB relationship? *


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

IrishGirlVA said:


> Anyway, with this guy, I don’t know if he is taking the friends part to a new level or he is wanting more.


They way to find out is to ask him. 



It does appear he's doing more than a FWB would do BUT without asking him directy, there is no way we could be able to tell you what's going on in his head. 

Also, what do YOU want out of this? You didn't say.

I generally think FWB is a bad idea. Someone always ends up catches feelings and it makes things weird if said feelings are not reciprocal.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

yep he wants more . But do you want a real relationship? if not better have the I'm not ready for the real deal yet talk.


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## Emerald (Aug 2, 2012)

Yes, I think he may be "into" you. Are you "into" him?


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## dblkman (Jul 14, 2010)

Jellybeans said:


> They way to find out is to ask him.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


:iagree:


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## anotherguy (Dec 14, 2011)

"...He asked if he could leave that stuff behind. It was a toothbrush, toothpaste, deodorant and body soap..."

laugh. Thats a girl move.  You know, when they get all clingy & stuff.

Face it - you have stepped in gum and it is stuck to your shoe. The prognosis is not pretty, if I had to guess.


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

Nope not typical FWB behavior IMO.

But if you like what's going on, proceed.


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## IrishGirlVA (Aug 27, 2012)

Jellybeans said:


> Also, what do YOU want out of this? You didn't say.


Oh, sorry. Guess that would help. Well, I don't want a relationship right now. I just ended one that was unhealthy and I am in self-reflect mode. However, I do like this guy and his company so down the road, if the timing was right for both of us, I would consider it. But right now I am emotionally drained. I don't have the energy to put much effort into an actual relationship. And he said the same thing to me too on our first outing together; which led us here.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

IrishGirlVA said:


> I am 39 years old


You know I was just thinking, when I was a young girl, I always thought that relationships got easier as you got older, that there was no more game-playing, that mean would be eawsier to read, that people were honest and upfront about what they wanted. As I get older I have realized, I didn't have a GAWT damn clue. Lol. 

:rofl:

It's funny on the one hand. And disconcerting on the other.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

How long ago was that first outing? 

I think you should tell him straight up that you do NOT want a relationship in case he thinks otherwise. 

If you are letting him keep his toiletries at your place, he may think you want otherwise... 

It's better & more respectful to be honest and straightforward with people. Talk to him.


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## thunderstruck (May 9, 2012)

anotherguy said:


> "...He asked if he could leave that stuff behind. It was a toothbrush, toothpaste, deodorant and body soap..."
> 
> laugh. Thats a girl move.  You know, when they get all clingy & stuff.


:iagree: 
Between this, and all of the extra favors he's doing...he's doing like our lab mix when she wants to climb on the sofa with us. We usually don't want her up there, so she slowly moves up...a little at a time, and then...she's up there, and we let her stay.


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## Why Not Be Happy? (Apr 16, 2010)

Make sure he understands what you want (and don't want).


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## tonyarz (Sep 15, 2012)

What is a FWB?


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

"Friends with Benefits" - a non-exclusive sexual relationship.

He sounds like a very sweet and thoughtful guy, OP. Tread gently. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tonyarz (Sep 15, 2012)

Thanks Yin! I don't understand all of these Abv's. What is WW? Or STXXB or something like that. lol


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

You're welcome  I had trouble with them, too, at first! There is a "decoder" in one of the intro threads here I think...

WW - Wayward Wife - STBX(W or H) - Soon-To-Be-Ex Wife or Husband. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tonyarz (Sep 15, 2012)

Thanks yin!


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

Yep, that's what often happens in these FWB situations; it's all fun and games until somebody pokes an eye out. In other words, often, one of the F's will end up wanting more. It's only human nature.


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