# Another loveless and sexually frustrated marriage.



## marriedinsocal (Jan 23, 2012)

Hi all,

I've been married 20 years now. I have a confession to you that I've never told anybody. I married my Wife, out of a need for security and calmness. I felt I needed a non-antagonistic marriage. The problem is, I got what I asked for. What I didn't get was passionate, exciting sex, and I have to admit, I never really fell in love with her, and I feel like I'm done 'missing out'.

Before my marriage, I had many satisfying sexual relationships, as well as long lasting 'in love' type relationships. I even had one that was 'heaven on earth' sexually, mutual orgasms like I never experienced before or since. The problem was that, either we were so passionate that we would fight about everything else, or I just didn't think the person would make a good wife/spouse/mother.

So, I gave up all that passion and great sex, for the smooth, boring, and sexually incompatible wife. I've tried over the years to teach her what I could, but she just isn't a natural, and I have always felt our bodies just aren't compatible.

Is this at all common, have any of you guys gone through this?

We have two fantastic kids who are getting ready for college, and I have stuck around out of a sense of wanting to be a good father to them, but I need more. Am I a bad person?

Help?


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## accept (Dec 1, 2011)

I dont think youre bad. But considering you 'tried' her out in advance and realised she wasnt what you wanted in the sex department you cant very well complain. Why is it so difficult to teach her what you want. Are women all that different.


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## Acorn (Dec 16, 2010)

Wait - so you duped yourself into thinking you were in love with your wife, you fooled your wife into thinking you loved her, and she's dutifully gave you the security, calmness and children you told her you wanted for 20 years, as well as her best attempts sexually, and YOU are done with HER?

I don't think you are a bad person for having changing needs but geez - show your wife a little respect. It's not her fault that you are clueless about what you want.


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## marriedinsocal (Jan 23, 2012)

accept said:


> I dont think youre bad. But considering you 'tried' her out in advance and realised she wasnt what you wanted in the sex department you cant very well complain. Why is it so difficult to teach her what you want. Are women all that different.


You know, that's exactly what I figured too, that I'd train her up, so to speak. She is willing, mostly, but there is some kinda mental block or something going on with her. The easy stuff (oral, etc) is not the problem, it's with the more, technical stuff (doggie, on top, etc). I didn 't mention, but she was very sheltered, I was only her 2nd lover. At the time, I thought that was great, but in reality, I was used to highly experienced, very forward girls and I guess I got spoiled.

We made progress today, she agreed to see a sex therapist, and maybe we'll both end up there. I don't know what that will be like, but I'll probably find out it's all my fault, lol! I don't have the kind of patience it takes, I guess.... :scratchhead:


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## marriedinsocal (Jan 23, 2012)

Acorn said:


> Wait - so you duped yourself into thinking you were in love with your wife, you fooled your wife into thinking you loved her, and she's dutifully gave you the security, calmness and children you told her you wanted for 20 years, as well as her best attempts sexually, and YOU are done with HER?
> 
> I don't think you are a bad person for having changing needs but geez - show your wife a little respect. It's not her fault that you are clueless about what you want.


I know, I know..... I'm a heel, and a jerk, etc, etc. Like I said above, I think I was spoiled by a really kinky, hot hot Latina/Irish girlfriend. That relationship lasted years, and we got into some kinky stuff and it got over heated at times if you catch my drift. This is the relationship that caused me to search for a 'calm, easygoing' girl.

I realize I got what I wanted, just not what I needed. Anyway, we've had a good run of 20 years and two super kids if this goes all the way south. Right now, I'm not 100% sure what I want.......


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## accept (Dec 1, 2011)

I can only add you should really be happy with what youve got. Just read other posts on here. They would all be happy to change with you.


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## marriedinsocal (Jan 23, 2012)

accept said:


> I can only add you should really be happy with what youve got. Just read other posts on here. They would all be happy to change with you.



Gee, thanks!! lol!


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

I don't think it's all that unusual. After all, romantic love and marriage as we view it didn't really exist 150 years ago. People got married for every single reason you could think of EXCEPT romantic love. Think of modern marriage as a disease of affluence, like obesity. I would say that most couples don't feel that rush of lust and romantic attraction, probably more along the lines of compassionate respect.


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