# Please help me remain married !



## Lou1980 (Nov 2, 2013)

This is my first post so please forgive me just jumping in but I am desperate for some help x

Basically when I met my now husband I was very open to different sexual situations, I was interested in having threesomes, watching him with another man etc ect All of this excited both of us and was something we wanted to pursue. 

We joined a few site online and actually went along to try to meet up with people but nothing ever materialised. 

2 years on and I fell pregnant which stopped me wanting this sort of sex. I had a very traumatic birth which left me with post traumatic stress disorder. During this time my husband still searched online for men to meet up with which upset me greatly. I stopped wanting to have sex due to the fact that I was suffering from ptsd and breast feeding. My husband was understanding at some points and not at others. I know he was frustrated but I was mentally ill at the time and sex was the last thing on my mind. 

My daughter is now 7 and our sex life has still not improved. 

I no longer want to pursue sex with other people, threesomes, sex clubs etc I feel dirty at the thought, but my husband says that he now feels unsatisfied and that he wants exciting sex. He says he wishes he had never got together with me as I am a let down to him. However he does not want a divorce as he knows this will break our daughters heart.

I now feel a huge pressure to "perform" - he likes me to wear sexy underwear, have sex in unusual places, talk dirty etc etc. 

We run a very stressful business together and we have a teenage son and 7 year old daughter. By the end of the day I feel exhausted rather than horny but my husband always feels like sex. 

It is an ongoing argument that has a lot more to it than I can manage to write here but it basically boils down to that fact that my husband feel cheated out of the type of sex he would like.

I still make an effort, I dress nicely, will put nice underwear on etc but I don't always want "dirty" sex I would like some loving sensual sex that makes me feel relaxed rather than on show and as if I need to make a big effort. 

I love my husband but this really is tearing us apart. I want to be with him but I need to feel loved and wanted rather than someone that has let him down and needs to act like a prostitute in the bedroom. 

Does anyone have any advice please. I have tried to talk to him but it always ends in arguments. We went away 2 weeks ago where I made a big effort to have more exciting sex and since then I have asked 4 times for a back rub with no avail. I feel like I give and have nothing back. I brought this up tonight but he says that he just regrets ever being with me and it is me that has changed. I hurt so much. I don't want to feel like this I love having sex with my husband but I don't want to feel like I have to perform. 

Please don't think just lay there and think of England because I am active in bed I just find life gets in the way and I feel under pressure when we do have sex which does in itself put me off. 

I would like some love and sensuality from sex and he would like exciting sex. I am trying to give him what he wants but after over a year of asking I am still waiting for that back rub ! 

I am sorry to dump this all on a group of strangers but I can't talk about it to anyone else.

Thank you xxxx


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## mineforever (Jan 31, 2013)

Well relationships are a two way street and both parties have to be willing to compromise. It sounds to me like you both are struggling with the give and take part. It can't be all your way or his....you both have to be comfortible and ypu both have to be stiving to satisfy your partners needs ..
..all the time and not just when your in the mood or feel like it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Lou1980 (Nov 2, 2013)

I feel like I make an effort but he makes none. 

I will put sexy underwear on, use sex toys, try different positions etc but I don't always feel like having sex when he does (basically every day) 

I want to feel wanted rather than needed for sex.


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## MissScarlett (May 22, 2013)

I'm concerned by the fact that your efforts seem to go unnoticed and that he is saying very hurtful things to you like he wishes he hadn't married you. Also missing is the part where he says he doesn't want to divorce because it would hurt you - his love. Instead he cites the child as the reason for staying in this relationship.

Honestly this relationship might have run its course with the two of you diverging in your sex desires. If that's his thing - that's his thing. You also have the right to change.

It sounds like this situation has become very stressful and the source of a lot of unhappiness for you. You could kill yourself trying to please him and it still may not be enough for him. Do you ever think there might be peace outside the relationship?


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

Lou1980 said:


> This is my first post so please forgive me just jumping in but I am desperate for some help x
> 
> Basically when I met my now husband I was very open to different sexual situations, I was interested in having threesomes, watching him with another man etc ect All of this excited both of us and was something we wanted to pursue.
> 
> ...



You guys should of just stayed single, and had an open dating relationship. When getting married, you both are to be faithful to each other and not have sex with other people. That is breaking your marriage vows and committing adultery and leads to many issues.

Now you had a high sex drive before the kid and wanted your hubby to meet other men? You wanted a gay husband.

After the kid, you lost your sex drive to a large extent and now "you" don't want him to have those fantasies or desires? You opened pandora's box and now "you" want it closed? Really?!

Once you got married, you are to take care of his needs "sexual" as your own and its not what you only would like. If hubby has a high adventurous sex drive, like you pushed him to have before the kid, you honestly can't expect this to suddenly change?

If your hubby still has a high sex drive (like most guys), then meet his needs. Dress up, talk dirty, movies, and spice it up for the two of you. 

Have a serious talk with him and let him know you "want to feel wanted". But he needs sex and the physical aspect. So he gives you the emotional and want to feel wanted and you give him the physical and sex. Men and woman are different but taking care of each others needs is key. And if he wants sex 1x every day, then give him quickies. Different position, time, place, make it fun.


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## machaladoz (Nov 2, 2013)

you both have to be comfortible and ypu both have to be stiving to satisfy your partners needs.


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