# Toxic In-Laws! What to do, what to do!



## 88mar (Dec 9, 2011)

Okay, so I'd appreciate any comments on this issue I am having. This is my first time posting on here.


My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over 2 years and we have lived together for almost 2 years as well. Our relationship progressed quickly as we care very much for one another. We barely argue and we respect each other a lot. His family just seems like they have more drama than Jerry Springer. 
First, let me give some background on his life. He is 30 and his mother divorced his father when he was a toddler. His mother is a very moody person who is rather pessimistic. His mother has two other children, which are in their early twenties, so he has one brother and sister. When his mother divorced his father, his father kept him but kicked his younger brother and her out. The sister is a half-sister from a later marriage. Both he mentioned AND his mom admitted that she is closer and feels sorry for his younger brother because he got kicked out as well as she did, but not my boyfriend. So, anything his younger brother needs, he runs and he gets. It doesn't matter what the issue, whether it be drugs, money or whatever! He is momma's baby boy and it seems as though whatever he does wrong, his mom is there to defend him. 
Okay, so on top of all of that.. Before my boyfriend & I started talking, I knew that he was raising a 5 year old boy which was NOT BIOLOGICALLY his. He dated this girl for 6 years off & on, which she cheated on him several times and brought nothing but trouble towards him. Well, she left him one time and got pregnant. When the baby was a month old, she came running back and he took her back. He had raised the boy throughout all the times she left him. Well, when we met, I knew about the boy and I told him that we would see where things went since I didn't have kids and we would take things slow. So, for the first month, things were okay but things took a turn for the worse when the ex found out about me. 


Not to mention, my boyfriend was living in a trailer that his mom owned, but he paid all the bills and whatnot while his brother & gf lived there as well for free! Well, when we started talking I began to spend nights there and lived there for about a month. And let me mention, while there for that month, I dished out at least $800 on backed up bills to help out. 


During this time, the ex started pulling issues as calling and arguing with my bf. Sending the little boy over and telling his dad that he wanted them two to get back together. I could sit here and list a year’s worth of stuff she had done. But you get the drift. So, one day we were at my bf's mom's house and it was around a holiday so all the family was there. Well, everyone including his mom was talking about it and they were telling us stuff like "Oh you need to quit taking and watching that boy because you will never be able to have a life, relationship, fun..." Well, after a couple weeks putting up with the bull. My bf decided to quit taking the boy. 


Well, a couple weeks after that my bf & I overheard that his younger brother & his gf were smoking crack in the trailer. I told him I wasn't having that and I was moving out. Well, he told me he wanted to move as well. Instead of leaving his mom in the crack and have no one to pay the trailer bills, we offered her the situation to where they could find somewhere else to live and we would stay there and pay all bills. Well, a few days passed and she decided to say that everyone there was going to have to start paying rent and she wanted it by the 1st. She even made negative comments to my bf that she knew we couldn't come up with the money to get our own place. Well, little did she know, we did. And we moved out, got our own place and here we are now. 
Well, when we moved out, his mother started watching the ex's boy from time to time. Talk about pissed me off, but I didn't say anything to her. Talk about a hypocrite, saying my bf needed to leave that situation alone, but yet she starts watching the boy.

Well, for Christmas, my bf received a text message saying "Just wanted to let u know that ___ is here visiting".. So, something took over me. I was tired of getting stepped on..and we hurried over there. I walked in her house and we started arguing (Me and the ex). Well, his mom turned it all around on my bf saying "You are the one who got me to love that boy". It would seem like she would pick her son over an ex and her son. Especially after seeing how much grief the ex is and has caused him. But, I guess that's what hipocrites do. 

Well, since Christmas, we have not talked to any of his family except his sister. It bothers me, because even though his family are *******s, he shouldn't have to not talk to them just because of what happened. Tomorrow is his sister's little girl's birthday party and my bf and I are going. I don't know if his mom will be there, but I would expect she will be.


I just hope all of this crap can come to an end, because my bf and I are getting closer and closer to getting engaged. I don't want to end up having a wedding and no one showing up from his family. I love my boyfriend VERY much and he respects me in every way. He works very hard, as I do as well to keep our things in order. One day, we want to have a small family of our own, and would like to include them. I don't know if his mom is still inviting the young boy and the ex over to her house, but I'm sure she is. I can't deal with that, and I don't think I'm overreacting. What do y’all think about that part? Does it sound like I'm overreacting? 

Wouldn't his mom be proud to see her 30 yr. old son get from under her tit and move on to get his own house and family started with a woman who works, is about to graduate from college, and is very faithful & devoted to their relationship? Well, I guess not this mom. At least, it's not what it seems like. 


And let me mention, not only is his mom inviting the boy to her house and whatnot....she is also talking crap about me to his ex. This is the part that annoys me the worse. She has no right to talk about me that way. What the ex doesn't know is that his mom turns around and would talk about his ex to ME! So it's just a sad situation that I refused to put up with. 

I am not one of these people who run around asking for drama. I don't want to make it sound like I am heartless by not wanting the 5 year old around. I do care about the child, however, the ex makes it damn near impossible for us to have a functional relationship by the constant nagging. Also, let me mention that the ex never tried to introduce

Please drop me a line or two.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

88Mar, did I get you upset earlier? Sorry if I did, that was not my intent.

I don't think you are looking for drama.. i think this situation and your bf's mother, brother and sister are creating a lot of drama.

You and your boyfriend were wise to get some separation between you two and his family.


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## ARF (Jan 26, 2011)

Does your bf stick up for you to his mom? If not, then i think that's a bit of a problem. If it truly is a toxic sitation, then I'd recommend you not try to force it with his family.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Laurae1967 (May 10, 2011)

You have to understand that you are committing yourself to a person who grew up in a totally screwed up environment with screwed up people who are NOT going to change. And your boyfriend seems like he lets everyone else boss him around. Not cool.

I'm just curious why you would want to be around all of these dysfunctional people? I am also supreised that you think that this situation is only about the little boy. He's the least of the problems. The big problem is that your boyfriends entire family sounds sick and dysfunctional and yet you are wondering how to get them back in your lives. That does not make any sense to me. 

Why do you think his screwy family will change? They won't....guaranteed. That kind of crazy is permanent.

The ONLY way things will improve is if you have NO CONTACT with his family. Your fantasy of having kids and having your boyfriend's effed up family a part of their lives makes no sense. Why would you want those people near your own kids? 

The fact that you have hung around and tolerated a lot of abusive and dysfunctional behavior makes me wonder what is going on with you to not run as fast as you can away from this situation. And don't you find it concerning that your boyfriend was taking care of a child that wasn't his and supporting his mother? That's not nice. That is dysfunctional!

I do give your boyfriend credit for moving out and keeping away from his family, but I am concerned that you are trying to get involved with them again when it seems pretty clear they will only cause more problems.

Sometimes the healthiest thing is to walk away and to cut dysfunctional people out of your life. That is what you should do in this situation.


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## 88mar (Dec 9, 2011)

My bf does take up for me. The birthday party went well. Even though she did not talk to me, she did talk to my bf very briefly. She made the remark to her daughter that she didn't want any more grandkids. It was not a direct comment towards me, however I can't stop from feeling that it was meant for us. 

But hey, if she doesn't want to be a part of our kids' lives one day...then that's on her. She can choose to not be a part of their lives. No loss here. The less negativity in our lives, the better. My bf and I are truly happy and I believe that is all what counts. We all have a couple people in our families who we wish were different, just in his case it's almost his entire family. I'm not going to leave someone I love and care about because his family is dysfunctional. Sometimes, I wonder if he is adopted because he acts nothing like them. 

My bf and I talked earlier and he plans on switching the phones into his sister's name soon. He told me he isn't putting anything else into his name for any of them ever again. 

Thanks for the responses. We plan on staying distant from his family as this is the only way to stay drama-free.


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