# Guys Post They Want Respect - Ladies What To Do?



## SFladybug (May 25, 2009)

I am wondering how the ladies find a way to respect their guys when they show constant poor choices or do stuff that is just dumb, lazy, controlling or disrespectful of you?

I read the guys post on What Do Husbands Need and I am trying to find a way to shed my disappointments about my husbands rage episodes or getting into too much credit or frequently jumping onto porn sites, or, or, or. I look for the positive qualities, but sometimes, I just want him to own up to being an idiot. Any ideas on how we can stop being too "high and mighty" towards guys and give them the respect they seem to crave?


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

SFladybug said:


> I am wondering how the ladies find a way to respect their guys when they show constant poor choices or do stuff that is just dumb, lazy, controlling or disrespectful of you?
> 
> ?


When they are disrespectful they can't ask someone respects them.
Thats the long and short of it, you get what you give. The man being the spiritual leader of the marriage to be disrespectful and then asking for respect is an oxymoron.
Guess you could say, a guy like that is off his rocker.


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## Chopblock (Mar 21, 2008)

---I am wondering how the ladies find a way to respect their guys when they show constant poor choices or do stuff that is just dumb, lazy, controlling or disrespectful of you?---

Simple. Make sure you aren't acting like someone who has never ever made a mistake in her life. 

Some people are very bad about giving out a "holier than thou" aura. I know personally, when someone acts that way towards one of my choices, I will say ANYTHING AT ALL to avoid taking responsibility. I will blame anything under the sun, and assert that viewpoint until you give up speaking. I will dredge up any past mistake of yours. I will do whatever it takes to avoid giving you your "I told you so" moment.

Ain't pride great!


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## jane. (Jul 10, 2009)

I think it's more about _showing_ respect towards them when you discuss things rather than actually _having_ respect for them, because we can't really control the latter.

Example 1
Your H looks at porn and you do not like it.
Disrespectul: <Roll eyes> Are you a f***in' pervert? You can't get it up for me, yet you find this sick s*** sexy?
Respectful: Hey, can we talk about why you'd rather view this as opposed to spending time with me?

Example 2
Your H spends money like it's going out of style.
Disrespectful: Maybe if you were man enough and made more money this wouldn't be an issue!
Respectful: Okay, let's get a budget down on paper so we can see how much disposable income we actually have.

I figure it's about showing constraint when you really want to whoop them upside the head. Instead of attacking and putting them on the defensive, it's about not making them feel stupid so they want to work with you. Of course, I'm a female, so what do I really know about the respect guys want. I could be all wrong.


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## tattoomommy (Aug 14, 2009)

well, there are certain things in relationships that should be respected and if they're not, then they are being an idiot. if you're not, then you're the idiot. i'm sure there are things you do that drive him crazy but he leaves it alone and assumes you should do the same? everyone has pet peeves.


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## Choose2love (Jul 28, 2009)

Wow, I have asked the same thing to myself many times. I have tried showing respect regardless of the other persons behavior. The outcome of that was he thought we were the happiest couple in the world. He had a woman whom he thought he could make mistakes (ie disregard my feelings and desires) and I loved him anyway. That got old for me though as time went on, he felt he could therefore do anything and it didnt matter as I would still love him. So, the past few months we have been in "upheaval" as I try to establish equilibrium where there wasnt any. He has felt as though Im a lunatic bc I now let him know when I feel he has been hurtful... and he wishes I would stop pointing things out that he does. So, I now do mirroring instead of pointing out the behavior. If he goes off the deep end about something, I reflect back to him what he is doing instead of asking "why are you doing that"? with tears in my eyes. It seems to be more effective and somewhat comical. Tiny little me saying swear words, pretending im raged... it feels good though to get it out. He apologized instead of getting more angry. After he calms down, I then say to him... next time would you just come to me and say, not scream, "honey, when I took down the light fixture I noticed you hadnt painted underneath b/c we didnt remove it to do that... should we wait to put up the new fixture or can this be painted soon?" Instead of him shouting M%%$# F^%#@@, throw the fixture back in the box bc you wont get to the painting for at least a year... i know you. This seems to be working... I cant figure out why, but if its what I need to do, I will do it!


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