# Fear of Divorce



## Jimmy2004 (Aug 14, 2014)

I am considering divorce because I have add it with my mentally and emotionally abusive wife. My problem is that her dad is battling cancer so he cannot work and her mom cannot work. My wife is considering reducing her job to part time to help take care of some of the problems with her parents, however I am afraid to death that I will end up financially supporting everyone. Her parents are in their 50s and are good people, however living with my wife has drained my happiness and now I am feeling I am being a martyr if I have take care of everyone.
Let me add that I have no say in any decisions. My wife changed her mind and doesn't want kids, family or even buy a house.

I would divorce, but I am afraid of the guilt, regret, and disappointment of leaving them all "high and dry". Any advice?


----------



## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

I think we all need more information about why your wife is so horrible.....


----------



## Jimmy2004 (Aug 14, 2014)

My wife expects me to do everything, and I do. I do all the cooking, 95% cleaning, wash my own close and she has no desire for intimacy. She wants me to make all the money and she wants to spend it all. I don't have any say-so in our decisions, she always assumes that I will go with her decision. She made me stop my hobbies, seeing my family and constantly criticizes me.


----------



## Regretf (Oct 13, 2014)

Is she's as horrible as you say, divorce to me seems the only choice.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Jimmy2004 said:


> My wife expects me to do everything, and I do. I do all the cooking, 95% cleaning, wash my own close and she has no desire for intimacy. She wants me to make all the money and she wants to spend it all. I don't have any say-so in our decisions, she always assumes that I will go with her decision. She made me stop my hobbies, seeing my family and constantly criticizes me.


By giving in to this and allowing her to treat you like this, you have taught her that it's ok.

Divorce her now before she reduces her work hours. Why on earth would you stay in this situation?


----------



## Dogbert (Jan 10, 2015)

Yes you should divorce her, but also because you also are not a very emotionally healthy individual. You must get yourself into counseling now. Your extremely low self respect has only gotten worse since you got married and will continue to do so the longer you choose to remain married to her.


----------



## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Jimmy2004 said:


> I am considering divorce because I have add it with my mentally and emotionally abusive wife. My problem is that her dad is battling cancer so he cannot work and her mom cannot work. My wife is considering reducing her job to part time to help take care of some of the problems with her parents, however I am afraid to death that I will end up financially supporting everyone. Her parents are in their 50s and are good people, however living with my wife has drained my happiness and now I am feeling I am being a martyr if I have take care of everyone.
> Let me add that I have no say in any decisions. My wife changed her mind and doesn't want kids, family or even buy a house.
> 
> I would divorce, but I am afraid of the guilt, regret, and disappointment of leaving them all "high and dry". Any advice?



No man or woman deserves to be treated the way you are. The decisions with regard to no kids, family, house, did you have any say at all? it sounds like you are her slave rather than her partner. Don't they have health insurance or something, can you get a nurse helper to assist? 
Step up and speak to your wife, this is your problem too and considering you are footing the bill you must have a say. 
I had the same scenario with my inlaws many years ago when my f-i-l met with an accident. Decisions were made without me because I was the in-law though they were living and eating in the house I paid for. I was young and naive and protested but let it go for the sake of harmonious relationships. I regret not making more of a stand, don't be a pushover. Talk to your wife. if she refused to hear you out tell her you have had enough of her attitude and since she wants to make all the decisions, she doesn't need you to be there and you are leaving.


----------



## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

Have you attempted to tell her you are unhappy with the power distribution in the relationship? Does she know you are unhappy?


----------



## Roselyn (Sep 19, 2010)

How old are you and your wife? How long have you been married?

Your wife is disrespectful to you in that she does not include you in decision making within your marriage. I am a career woman, married ongoing 35 years, and 57 years of age. Your gut feeling tells you that your wife expected you to provide for everyone. Trust your guts.

You cannot live in the present environment with your wife. You will die psychologically. See a divorce attorney to protect you legally. Also, see a psychologist to build your self-esteem. Your wife is trying to destroy your support system. She has isolated you so that she can control you. Leave as soon as you can.


----------



## Happilymarried25 (Mar 19, 2014)

You are enabling her because you haven't learned to use the word NO. You both work so the household chores should be 50/50. She is being disrespectful you want children and she doesn't and she is putting her parents first not you so I think you should divorce her, and do it before she goes to part time, she is going to need her full time salary to support herself and her parents since you won't be there to do it.


----------



## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

There is no perfect time for anything. You cannot control outside events such as other people's illness, job issues, etc. Just make the decision to leave the marriage if that is the decision you feel is the right one for you.

EAP through work (employee assistance program) is a completely free and condfidential counseling program. Your employer well never know you went. EAP is there for precisiley your kind of situation.


----------



## Jimmy2004 (Aug 14, 2014)

To answer a few questions that others had asked: I'm 33 my wife is 35 and we have been married for about 2 years. We both go to counciling sperately. Her for her father's illness and I because of her. I've gotten some good advice about making a decision but not really other folks opinion


----------



## SamuraiJack (May 30, 2014)

Thank goodness there arent children involved.

It sounds like she isnt "as vested" in the marriage as you are.
To be frank, it sounds like you are pretty much a live in butler.

Also she changed the goals without telling you.
For me, no kids would be a deal breaker.

With the parents starting to go away...it is only going to make her abuse and neglect worse.


----------



## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

Jimmy, do not allow guilt to rule your decision or life, it will only lead you to become martyr or an A-hole. In the former you will have your life sucked out of you at the expense of others, leaving you empty, pious and sad. in the latter you will eventually resent all of them, and you will become hostile in your voice and behavior, you will instill passive aggressive behavior, as a means of pushing back, and they will hate you for it....leave with your dignity, yes you will be hated but like ripping off a bandaid it is over quickly. Move on with your life, be happy and find someone who will appreciate that happiness with you.


----------



## Jimmy2004 (Aug 14, 2014)

I have began waking up in a panic on some mornings with the thought that happiness is no longer obtainable. The other day I was on a business trip and she sent me a text saying her parents were going to sell their house and move back North (about 700 miles away) and my wife told me to start looking for a job in that area. I've made up my mind that my answer is no. I love my job, coworkers, company and boss. Myfamily is also here and I'm very close to them. Picturing my life without my wife is actually a pleasant thought. I have no fear of being alone.


----------



## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Jimmy2004 said:


> I have began waking up in a panic on some mornings with the thought that happiness is no longer obtainable. The other day I was on a business trip and she sent me a text saying her parents were going to sell their house and move back North (about 700 miles away) and my wife told me to start looking for a job in that area. I've made up my mind that my answer is no. I love my job, coworkers, company and boss. Myfamily is also here and I'm very close to them. Picturing my life without my wife is actually a pleasant thought. I have no fear of being alone.


Stand your ground and tell her that you will no longer let her make decisions on your behalf. If she wants to leave she is free to do so.


----------

