# kissing?



## jes2010 (Sep 19, 2012)

Is kissing considered as cheating? I am having a hard time getting past the fact that my husband kissed another woman. He had a little too much to drink and his drinking is also a problem for us. I know a lot of people dont consider it, but am I wrong to feel so betrayed?


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## wiigirl (Jun 14, 2012)

Yes...kissing is very emotional and personal. Its not nothing but its wrong and a red flag.








_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## daisygirl 41 (Aug 5, 2011)

Yes kissing someone else is cheating!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## WalkingInLight (Aug 14, 2012)

jes2010 said:


> Is kissing considered as cheating? I am having a hard time getting past the fact that my husband kissed another woman. He had a little too much to drink and his drinking is also a problem for us. I know a lot of people dont consider it, but am I wrong to feel so betrayed?


When you got married, did you tell him it's OK for him to kiss other woman?

What you feel is what you feel, right?

Do you really need to ask this question? I think you already know the answer to it.

Try the book, "How to help your spouse heal from your affair." Even though you did not cheat, it will help you identify why you feel so hurt and be able to express to your husband what you would like to see him do to help you recover.

I'm sorry you're here.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

If it's OK with you that your husband kisses other women then it isn't cheating. He also needs to be OK with you kissing other guys then.

If that's not OK for both of you then YES, it is cheating.

You do know that "I kissed her" is often cheatspeak for "We had sex" right?


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## earlyforties (May 3, 2012)

Ask him if it's ok for you to drink a little too much and kiss another man. Any man than it ok with it is either telling a lie or has no idea about boundaries in a relationship. He's your husband for goodness sake!


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

If your husband is doing such things while drinking, then he also has a problem with alcohol. Do not let him try to slide this past you with the "I was drunk" excuse. It doesn't work for drunk drivers, and it shouldn't work for anyone else who uses alcohol as an excuse for their sh!tty behaviour.

And Hope is right; you may be getting only the trickle truth, so unless you saw this kiss firsthand, start investigating.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

i was drunk...that has to be THE WORST copout bullsh*t excuse.
when does one draw the line?? 

i kissed someone...i was drunk
i screwed someone...i was drunk
i had an orgy...i was drunk

i have been fall down,word slurring drunk more than once and I can tell you that while people do stupid things, they STILL have the ability to determine right from wrong. 

kissing another woman is cheating.he needs to get to AA and learn some self control.


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## butternutsquash (Jun 1, 2012)

He did something with another women that he knew would hurt you. That's cheating


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

I'm sorry, but kissing is an act of physical contact and thus is demonstrative of an already full-blown emotional affair(EA) that is fastly ascending to a physical affair(PA). In any event, any physical or non-physical act, whether done with or without the other spouses implied permission, equates to nothing more than an overt act of cowardice and is most certainly emblematic of "cheating!"


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

kiss another man in front of your husband and see how he reacts, you'll have your answer then


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## jes2010 (Sep 19, 2012)

I just can't believe he did that. We both know he has a problem with alcohol but he doesn't want to get help..
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## StagesOfGrief (Aug 19, 2012)

Almostrecovered said:


> kiss another man in front of your husband and see how he reacts, you'll have your answer then


and be drunk when you do. 

But seriously, yes it is cheating. How did you find out about this? As one person said before "i kissed someone" is usually the cheater telling you "i slept with someone"


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## Harken Banks (Jun 12, 2012)

jes2010 said:


> Is kissing considered as cheating?


Yes. And in no way related to kissing on a date where it's an innocent thing and you are not sure if you even like the girl but you are trying to be polite. This signifies something very deep and problematic. Not necessarily deep in terms of feelings for OW, but deep in terms of the problem. Sorry.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

jes2010 said:


> he doesn't want to get help..
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Do you want to be with someone like this? Are you willing to accept that this will keep happening?

You can't change him, you can only change you. One thing you can do is make it clear to him that you do not wish to be with someone, anyone, who has this problem and refuses to get help for it. So, since he is such a person, you no longer wish to be with him. Period. End of discussion.

If he chooses to go into recovery and get help, THEN you can consider staying. But only CONSIDER it. If after a period of time (which YOU determine) you feel he's doing well, then maybe you'll want to stay. But maybe not.

This is YOUR thing, not his. YOU call the shots.


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## jes2010 (Sep 19, 2012)

I asked him the night after he went out because we had a big blow up and I told him I wanted a divorce.. We also just lost our daughter so a lot has been going on. Well when I asked him he told me that he had a girl but him a few drinks and they flirted and nothing happened. I knew he was lying. So we went to marriage counseling Monday and that night when we got home he said I pecked her.on the lips three times. I don't know her name or number. It was in the.backseat of my friends car then when I got back to my car I left. It didn't.go any further.because of how bad and.guilty I felt. 

He his it from me for two whole weeks. Because.he said he was afraid I would leave him. But as I look.back on it when he called me the.next day he was.doc horny and kept going I'm about how he missed me and wanted me. And how he wanted to have sex.with me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jes2010 (Sep 19, 2012)

Sorry for typos. I'm on my "stupid" phone
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

Hope1964 said:


> Do you want to be with someone like this? Are you willing to accept that this will keep happening?
> 
> You can't change him, you can only change you. One thing you can do is make it clear to him that you do not wish to be with someone, anyone, who has this problem and refuses to get help for it. So, since he is such a person, you no longer wish to be with him. Period. End of discussion.
> 
> ...


to otherwise than this is essentially enabling/co-dependency


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

Of course it is. Now all cheating is not created equally. For example a EA/PA that goes on for years is worse than a fling. An affair with your sibling would be worse than stranger. It's still a betrayal and he should not be allowed to minimize what happened. All cheaters try to minimize.


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## Harken Banks (Jun 12, 2012)

jes2010 said:


> We also just lost our daughter so a lot has been going on. _Posted via Mobile Device_


I'm terribly sorry. That kind of trauma can precipitate all sorts of acting out. At a time like this, he should turn to you, you should turn to each other.


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

jes2010 said:


> We also just lost our daughter so a lot has been going on.


Jes, I am so sorry about this. You and your husbands emotions have to be very heavy now. counseling counseling counseling. It's so easy to place blame where ever you can just to have anyone to be mad at. He may be blaming himself or you or both. This type of thing is very hard for a marriage to whether the storm so good luck.


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## jes2010 (Sep 19, 2012)

We decided a few nights ago that we would begin a trail separation until February . We also said that we would continue marriage counseling. I hope something works and we both get the help we need.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## underwater2010 (Jun 27, 2012)

Yep it is physically cheating otherwise known as a PA. Is this a one time event or has it happened before? Do you know the woman?


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

all cheaters believe its not cheating.


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## underwater2010 (Jun 27, 2012)

Sorry...just got through the rest of the thread. Sorry to hear about the loss of your daughter. I think you guys are on the right track. A trial seperation with MC, IC and AA for him. I hope you guys can get through this pain. We are here if you need us.


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## badbane (Jun 9, 2012)

Given the fact that he is slowly releasing more and more information. We call it trickle truth it is likely there is a lot more to the story. This "separation" could be his way of trying to weasel out and spend more time with this woman. Have you gone through his email, phone, and facebook. 
The fact she was buying him drinks means she was familiar enough to be doing so. I mean random women just don't go and buy men drinks 99.9/100 men buy the drinks for the women. No if he bought the drinks then he was actively pursuing this woman. Which means it may have been a One Night Stand. I don't buy the it was just a peck on the cheek. More like his tongue was pecking the inside of her cheek. 
If you have qualms about going through his email, and phone records let me explain. You are his wife. You have the moral and ethical right to go through his stuff. My wife has access to most of my accounts. My stuff is there for her to see. She can access my phone whenever she wants. 
Given the nature of what your husband is saying I am telling you to be prepared for the worst. It is likely he knows this woman well. It is likely they are friends. It is likely they have been communicating for some time now. It is likely she bought him drinks because they are emotionally involved and she felt the need to buy him drinks because of something he said or did. It is likely they may have had sex. 
You need to start looking and stop trusting without verification. Right now your husband has likely compromised your marriage. He may be doing this separation as a means to spend more time with this woman without you around to look over his shoulder. 

The most important thing now is to not call him and if you do pretend everything is fine. keep working out but you need to be gathering all the evidence you can. Once you have enough evidence to prove him guilty or innocent of infidelity. Then you move forward. I suggest you start looking now. If you need help finding answers I have an evidence gathering thread linked in my signature. Use it and PM me if you need any specific help not covered in the thread.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

jes2010 said:


> We decided a few nights ago that we would begin a trail separation until February . We also said that we would continue marriage counseling. I hope something works and we both get the help we need.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


The sad and statistical truth of "trial separations" is that the overwhelming majority of them usually end up escalating into further adultery and later into full-blown divorce proceedings. In at least one of the parties eyes, the separation is perpetuated for no other reason other than to garner the privacy to be able to continue to engage in their adulterous activities.

Most marriage counselors would be happy to share that with you.

But if there is no other alternative other than to separate and you are both verbally intent on making this relationship a reconciliatory one, please make sure that hard and fast ground rules are set forth, not only between the two of you, but also through your marriage counselor of choice!


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

badbane said:


> Given the fact that he is slowly releasing more and more information. We call it trickle truth it is likely there is a lot more to the story. This "separation" could be his way of trying to weasel out and spend more time with this woman. Have you gone through his email, phone, and facebook.


BB I'd normally be right there with you and I may get some "are you crazy" comments but these guys just lost a daughter and I think that changes the dynamic some. I can't imagine how much anger, pain, guilt, and blame is bouncing around in their heads and not just her's but his also.

I'm not trying to minimize what's going on but this is also may not be a case boredom or discontentment. I know what you said is true and I've said the same thing myself repeatedly. I'm just not sure separation is as bad in this case as it normally is. These guys have a lot of things to workout within themselves. Counseling is critical now.


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## jes2010 (Sep 19, 2012)

you people are scaring the crap out of me. he said it was a peck on the lips and it was his friends, girlfriends, best friend. I have checked his facebook, phone, email, there is nothing going on. I am the one that wanted the separation after finding this out. I do get what you are saying about more things are coming out, etc. In all honestly, I know this hasnt been going on for a while, but what i do not know is if he slept with her. We are continuing marriage counseling. and thundarr i think you are right, we are going through a lot with the loss of our baby and everything went downhill from there. He said I wasnt available to him emotionally that night and she was, he said he told her he was married and talked about everything that happened with our daughter. He said he pecked her on the lips and both of them felt so awkward that they didnt talk the rest of the night.


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## mrstj4sho88 (Sep 5, 2012)

Hicks said:


> all cheaters believe its not cheating.


Until they get caught ..


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## jes2010 (Sep 19, 2012)

we have set grounds as well. no one is to date or hookup with another from here on out until those divorce papers are signed. I know he did it once before, thats why i am bracing myself for it to happen again. If it happens again I will file for divorce


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