# Victom of a text message ruse..help!



## Rusevictim (Sep 18, 2012)

I need some help here..I dont know what to do..my wife received a text message from a "female" asking if she were "insert wifes name" and if shes married to me (she gives my name). She continues on that she had met me at a local hobby shop,(which I do go to) ..basically saying things that made it appear I was having an affair with her. (Which Ive never met ,or even talked to anyone) 
My only thought is this could possibly be my wifes ex-husband who put someone up to this. This is my best guess.
I tried one of those phone reverse look-ups and even paid the service to find out the owners details,but it only comes up with a city thats hundreds of miles away from us. I assume its a prepaid phone. I dont know what to do here..my wife now thinks Im a cheater ..and wants a divorce. what possible way could I prove my innocence here? any ideas?


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

Your W would be a fool to quit it all and terminate the relationship based on what some anonymous unknown source texted her. It raises a big flag that she needs to take measures to investigate, but just your location and name is not enough detail to lend credibility to the source.

Most reasonable people would find out who and why before being justified in ending it. In fact she is crazy to do so unless of course there are other details we are not reading from you. If she has that much of a hair trigger, how did you even get this far?


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## thunderstruck (May 9, 2012)

Did your W ever accuse you of cheating before this happened? Maybe she is the mastermind behind this. She might have figured that you'd tell all when confronted with "evidence."


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

my conspiracy theory side is popping up...MAYBE your wife is the one cheating and in order to deflect the heat off herself she is setting you up!!

sorry.i can't help my crazy theories! 

i really hope she doesn't hang her hat on some weird text.doesn't she realize ANYONE who knows you could get a prepaid cell and mess with your life like that? including her ex??


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## [email protected] (Jan 30, 2012)

Wow this sounds crazy, someone really wants you out of the picture. What an ******* this X must be if he is a part of this. Man this is deep, if you have been a good husband to your wife up until this point she should have faith and believe in you but I am gonna be honest becasue I am a woman to I would secretly ponder if it could be true, do by all means clear your name.

Ask her for her help so you can prove to her its a scam. Tell her to pick a day a weekand or a night she knows for a fact she was with you so there is no way you could have been with someone else. Ask her to call this ficticious woman back. 

She has to pull out her acting game for this one she must make whomever this is believe she is distraught. She should pretending she is calling the woman to get everything on the table for closures sake. Tell her to bring up this night, or weekand which she knows you couldn't of been with that woman and make up a story. For example "I should of known all the time he was cheating last month on the 13 he said he was going out of town with a job for the night and I felt he wasnt being honest about something, was the 2 of you together that night?' Now keep in mind she was with you on that night so its no way she could say yes unless she is lying"

Play the game with this person in order to pull them out of the closet because thats a very nasty thing to do to someone..... 

I do hope it works out for you.


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

Have either of you called the number?


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

I hope you really havent cheated and are looking for the best way to gaslight your wife


best solution is to be as transparent as freshly cleaned glass

give her your passwords to everything, let her look at your phone whenever she wants, etc don't delete anything first either


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## Rusevictim (Sep 18, 2012)

There are other detaisl that would make her believe this..none of which involve me having an affair or even talking to anyone..if I were in her shoes I would believe it to..but my main question here is not why she believes it, but how to prove that its not true..I dont know where to begin without being able to know how to find out who owns that phone.


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

Is there a chance that your wife has made this whole thing up? Is she bluffing?


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

hire a PI, they charge around $300 to do phone tracing


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## Rusevictim (Sep 18, 2012)

yes, we've tried calling the number from different phones but they just hang up. she sent the "person" questions asking for specific details but they wont respond. I doubt they will. I think whomever this was knew it would throw a huge wrench in our marriage, and most likely wont give any responses.


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## Rusevictim (Sep 18, 2012)

No, this was not her doing..she is destroyed emotionally now..and I did call a PI ,but they said since I already did the phone trace online, its most likely a prepaid cell phone


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## Drover (Jun 11, 2012)

A hobby shop? What kind of women hang out at hobby shops anyway?

What did she tell her? "We reached for the same model train. Our eyes met and we were in love!"


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

How can your wife take this so seriously? I dont think I would, if the person was too gormless to even identify themselves. It's got game playing written all over it, whoever is responsible.


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## Onmyway (Apr 25, 2012)

Rusevictim said:


> There are other detaisl that would make her believe this..none of which involve me having an affair or even talking to anyone..if I were in her shoes I would believe it to..but my main question here is not why she believes it, but how to prove that its not true..I dont know where to begin without being able to know how to find out who owns that phone.


Well, what are these details that you're talking about here?


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## Drover (Jun 11, 2012)

Onmyway said:


> Well, what are these details that you're talking about here?


Right. Who would know enough about you to provide all these details?


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## Rusevictim (Sep 18, 2012)

The details dont matter ..too much to explain and knowing them have no impact on the "how to" of solving the problem with the "unknown" person.


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## Onmyway (Apr 25, 2012)

CandieGirl said:


> How can your wife take this so seriously? I dont think I would, if the person was too gormless to even identify themselves. It's got game playing written all over it, whoever is responsible.


:iagree:

Without this woman sending her any evidence, your wife shouldn't believe this accusation with such ferocity. If you were indeed having an affair there would be some sort of trail that this woman should be able to send to your wife, specific times etc.


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## Onmyway (Apr 25, 2012)

Rusevictim said:


> The details dont matter ..too much to explain and knowing them have no impact on the "how to" of solving the problem with the "unknown" person.


If these details help your wife to believe that you were having an affair, as you said, then they do indeed matter. You even said that if you were in her shoes you would believe it as well.

The details do matter, they may be the key to proving your innocence.


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## Rusevictim (Sep 18, 2012)

I totally agree..but they wont respond to them..in the meantime, she still believes it..Im just trying to figure out how to prove my innocence


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## Onmyway (Apr 25, 2012)

Rusevictim said:


> I totally agree..but they wont respond to them..in the meantime, she still believes it..Im just trying to figure out how to prove my innocence


Well, other than making sure that you are 100% transparent, there isn't much that you can do, other than challenge this confidential informant.

How well do you know the owner of the hobby shop? Maybe talk to them to get support.

I suppose you can start challenging these details that you mentioned but won't talk about.


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

See if they have a video camera in the store.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Drover (Jun 11, 2012)

Onmyway said:


> The details do matter, they may be the key to proving your innocence.


The fact he won't give the details makes me wonder what he's been doing wrong that he's trying to keep out of the discussion.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

Rusevictim said:


> I totally agree..but they wont respond to them..in the meantime, she still believes it..Im just trying to figure out how to prove my innocence


You don't have to, your W entered into a marriage that requires faith in each other - if there is no faith anyway, there isn't really a marriage just a room-mate situation. If she is emotionally destroyed over this it really isn't your doing, only she has the ability to deal with her problems about this - all you can do is show your own faith in yourself and your marriage - do like AR said, be an open book, let your W into your deepest personal places and when the times comes for her to no longer dwell there set some boundaries. You do not need to be proactive about some unfounded accusation, just set your course on continuing your marriage and stay it.


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

Smells fishy.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Onmyway (Apr 25, 2012)

diwali123 said:


> Smells fishy.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:iagree:


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

don't get angry...i have to ask...did you cheat on your wife?are you looking for a way out of getting caught?


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Block this person's # from being able to call you


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## Onmyway (Apr 25, 2012)

Yep, You can't prove your innocence if you aren't innoncent, you can only mislead.


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

Get a lie detector test set up, write up the questions. Show it to your wife to see if she has any questions to add. Schedule the time. Pay for it. Invite you wife to come with you. Show her the results.

DO NOT ASK HER 'DO YOU WANT ME TO TAKE A LIE DETECTOR TEST?'


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## Nigel (Mar 14, 2012)

This just sounds like bs to me.


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## humanbecoming (Mar 14, 2012)

ScarletBegonias said:


> my conspiracy theory side is popping up...MAYBE your wife is the one cheating and in order to deflect the heat off herself she is setting you up!!
> 
> sorry.i can't help my crazy theories!
> 
> i really hope she doesn't hang her hat on some weird text.doesn't she realize ANYONE who knows you could get a prepaid cell and mess with your life like that? including her ex??


Wow, that's the first thing I thought too!


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## Racer (Sep 24, 2009)

I’m sorry, but this sounds fishy. First off, I am a betrayed husband. Over my marriage, I did have some hints from other people who thought my wife was fishing around. You know what.... I didn’t have enough evidence to actually believe it to be true. These forums are filled with people like me. People who just have to know for sure and gather a ton of evidence. Suspicions are one thing, but to have a single phone call set her off toward divorce says a lot to me.....

She has had reason to suspect you for a while now. I would even guess she has confronted you with her suspicions. And instead of dealing with it then and there.... you blew it off and let them fester. The phone call was just the final straw to push her over that edge and into the pit. 

So, you are in serious trouble my friend. Might as well start rebuilding as a wayward should do. It won’t hurt the marriage. Address her suspicions, give her access to everything, take a polygraph, allow a gps tracker and keyloggers and the whole nine yards. All in.... This is your issue, not hers.


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## Rusevictim (Sep 18, 2012)

ok..to those of you who think Im hiding something..the detaisl..yes, I had a bout with porn just over a year ago..hiding it with another email address..so, yes, there is reason for her to not trust me...like I said those details dont impact the "how do I prove Im innocent" when it comes to cheating on her...never ever ever have I..why would I lie about it here? all Im trying to do is get advice on how I might go about proving Im not lieing about this...for the past year we've had the Net nanny on the PC, I havent had a cell phone in nearly a year..we both work from the home..geez, I come on here trying to find some help and even here Im accused of being a liar! WTF! so much for the helpful forums


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

What exactly is a 'bout with porn'? Did you interact with other women online?


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## dblkman (Jul 14, 2010)

Hicks said:


> Get a lie detector test set up, write up the questions. Show it to your wife to see if she has any questions to add. Schedule the time. Pay for it. Invite you wife to come with you. Show her the results.
> 
> DO NOT ASK HER 'DO YOU WANT ME TO TAKE A LIE DETECTOR TEST?'


:iagree:
this is by far the best idea on proving your innocence. it isn't 100% but close enough and well worth the money. After you take that test then you and wife must get into MC, if this is all it takes to destroy her emotionally and threaten D then she had little faith in your marriage to begin with.


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## Drover (Jun 11, 2012)

Hicks said:


> Get a lie detector test set up, write up the questions. Show it to your wife to see if she has any questions to add. Schedule the time. Pay for it. Invite you wife to come with you. Show her the results.
> 
> DO NOT ASK HER 'DO YOU WANT ME TO TAKE A LIE DETECTOR TEST?'


*DO NOT TAKE A LIE DETECTOR TEST EVER, EVER, EVER!!!*

There is a reason they're not admissible in court. Because they're not accurate. In fact, they're ridiculously inaccurate.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

Racer, I agree, most people in a happy marriage faced with a shred of uncertainty would always give their spouse the benefit of the doubt, not just because they believe them at their word but in order to protect what they've built. Denial is a huge defense mechanism, and in this case based on the OP's words, there is no going through denial for his W at all - either she is playing a game, manipulating or else is just really unhappy and at the end of her rope and just looking for a way out.


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## Racer (Sep 24, 2009)

Ok... it is making more sense to me now. The porn thing. You lied, hid and denied. The trust was already hurt and damaged. It is still the same issue. This was just another blow to her.

All you can really do is be as honest and transparent as possible with her. Rebuilding trust takes a long time. Trust is really nothing more than her ability to predict future behavior based on past experiences. So... consistent experiences to rebuild her predictions are necessary. You need to be very re-assuring. Do not question 'why' she is going off the rails and let her know that is 'ok'. You want to do everything in your power to help her feel secure and confident with who you are. The more you can reveal yourself to her, not just the parts you think make you look 'great', the more she will be able to see the real you. She won't see an adulterer, liar or cheater... she'll see a human with flaws, struggling to get by and live life; She'll also hopefully see how much she means to you. Bare your soul. It isn't easy and takes a leap of faith, because there is always a possibility she'll reject you... but chances are she'll accept the real you quicker and with less hesitation when it does not feel like you just doing damage control and presenting a false idol.

I do wish you luck.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

A couple of thoughts here.

First off, I agree with Racer that your previous dishonesty is the foundation of her being so quick to believe. If I got such a text today about my wife I would believe it until proven false. That is the nature of destroyed trust.

Secondly, the polygraph is about your only choice. It is not 100% accurate but you have nothing to lose by doing it. If she is going to D you, the polygraph may save the day. If you fail it, you are no worse off than you are now.

Another option is to pursue criminal investigation against the perp. Or perhaps a civil suit. I think a lawyer might give you some good direction. They give a free 10 or 15 minute consult usually. A good lawyer may know a good resource for finding the owner of that phone. Perhaps a subpoena to the cell company will provide the location it is turned on in. For example it is using cell tower 12345 which is in Gotham City. That may indicate who the perp is if you know someone who lives in Gotham City. Then you can send a nasty detailed threatening letter from the atty or perhaps even involve local law enforcement.


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## Onmyway (Apr 25, 2012)

See, the details did matter, now we understand why your wife believes the phone call. Hiding the details from anonymous strangers mad it look very bad. I apologize for the accusation on my part.

I'm almost in agreement with the conspiracy theory that your wife set it up, what stops me from believing this is that I know nothing about her. However, her believing this anonymous phone call without evidence is still a stretch based solely on dishonesy about porn.

Just try your best to prove your honesty, give the polygraph a shot, setting it up yourself would go a long way towards earning her trust. 

And again, talk to the owner or workers at the hobby shop and try to get some backing from them.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## sharkeey (Apr 27, 2012)

Just play it cool.

Tell her "look, it's some sort of ruse or cellphone prank or scam, I've never cheated on you and I never will and there's nothing more I can do or say so what happens going forward is completely up to you".

Then go live your life and let her figure out if she'll be a victim to her own paranoia.


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