# is TAM open to open marriage?



## boysmakegoodpets (Mar 12, 2012)

hi all. my Queen and i aren't married yet, but are having fun talking about getting married one day. we're not traditionally-minded in very many senses of the word, and neither is our relationship. we have an open relationship now, for example, and, when we're married (after She's proposed to me  ), our marriage will be open as well.

at a quick scan, i didn't see any forums on this site dedicated to open marriage (while i did see that the "Coping with Infidelity" forum is the busiest on the site), so i'm wondering if this site is at all accommodating to people who cope with infidelity by simply not giving the concept a place in their relationship. maybe i'm simply overlooking some section of the site devoted to such alternative approaches? that would be nice...

thank you, and all the best,

Ian


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

TAM doesn't really cater to alternative lifestyles. There are a few here who do, or have in the past, had open marriages. But they are rare. The majority of posters have traditional, monogamous marriages.

I would keep looking.


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## Tomara (Jun 19, 2013)

PHTlump said:


> TAM doesn't really cater to alternative lifestyles. There are a few here who do, or have in the past, had open marriages. But they are rare. The majority of posters have traditional, monogamous marriages.
> 
> I would keep looking.


:iagree: Keep looking for a site that fits your needs. I don't think you would get alot of support here as most of us believe that being faithful is top priority.


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## boysmakegoodpets (Mar 12, 2012)

excellent - thank you very much, PHTlump and Tomara, for your responses. i will head for a site better suited to our needs.

all the best,

Ian


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## Kria (Aug 4, 2013)

boysmakegoodpets said:


> excellent - thank you very much, PHTlump and Tomara, for your responses. i will head for a site better suited to our needs.
> 
> all the best,
> 
> Ian


A marriage is supposed to be closed and not open. If you are open to other people being intimately involved in your relationship then what is the point of being married at all.


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## boysmakegoodpets (Mar 12, 2012)

Kria said:


> A marriage is supposed to be closed and not open. If you are open to other people being intimately involved in your relationship then what is the point of being married at all.


a marriage is "supposed to be" whatever its participants decide it's supposed to be - every couple makes their own rules for their marriage. there's no more nor less point to an open marriage than there is to a closed one; when you come right down to it, there's no point to any marriage (as more and more people are realizing every day). it's a purely sentimental and entirely imaginary bond between people, with a few legal issues thrown in just to make undoing it more complicated and difficult than it already is. but we _view_ it as a statement of intention to stick with our partner(s), come what may. people who insist on monogamy just choose to put one enormous obstacle in the path of their marriage that polyamorous people don't. monogamists include following one's natural desire for new romance in their list of marriage-threatening transgressions, while polyamorists don't.


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## MambaZee (Aug 6, 2013)

Then why get married, if you want it to be open? Makes more sense to just be single.


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## boysmakegoodpets (Mar 12, 2012)

MambaZee said:


> Then why get married, if you want it to be open? Makes more sense to just be single.


the question is the same for everyone, open or otherwise: why get married?

for a lot of people, the best reason they can offer is, "why not?"


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

boysmakegoodpets said:


> the question is the same for everyone, open or otherwise: why get married?
> 
> for a lot of people, the best reason they can offer is, "why not?"


Those legal things you mention are a huge part of the reason to get married.

It's a lot like the laws we have for creating businesses of different structures. People comedy together to create a legal entity that is bigger than their assets/efforts are when not combined. 

Marriage is a legal structure that forms a family and defines the rights and responsibilities of all parties.

An open a marriage is like having a corpoation and then having each share holder giving away the corporate assets and using corporate assets to make deals that benefit only the shareholder making the deal. In busines we call this embellishment. 

Before you get married it would be wise to read and understand them. Then think through what if scenarios of the impact it will have on ufor example if your wife got knocked by another man. You will be this child's legal father and thus financially responsible too raise the child and perhaps pay four colllege.

An other scenario, your wife falls for another guy an spends lots of money on giifts, dates, hotel stays etc
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## justdance4me (Jul 12, 2013)

Tomara said:


> :rofl:Why not is not in my vocabulary. H#LL NO sure is:rofl:
> Marriage is a vow between each other and also before God. Only reason for divorce is adultery.....you would be practicing adultrey once married so why get married:scratchhead:


Wow! I disagree. I think there are a lot more reasons for divorce ie. if spouse was physically abusive to myself or kids.

Also my opinion on marriage is different is is not a vow before GOD. But a vow between two people. I don't want "God" having anything to do with my wedding/marriage. I'm not religious but would respect those who are.


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## Kria (Aug 4, 2013)

boysmakegoodpets said:


> a marriage is "supposed to be" whatever its participants decide it's supposed to be - every couple makes their own rules for their marriage. there's no more nor less point to an open marriage than there is to a closed one; when you come right down to it, there's no point to any marriage (as more and more people are realizing every day). it's a purely sentimental and entirely imaginary bond between people, with a few legal issues thrown in just to make undoing it more complicated and difficult than it already is. but we _view_ it as a statement of intention to stick with our partner(s), come what may. people who insist on monogamy just choose to put one enormous obstacle in the path of their marriage that polyamorous people don't. monogamists include following one's natural desire for new romance in their list of marriage-threatening transgressions, while polyamorists don't.


If the above rant eases your conscience and helps you sleep better at night then so be it for you.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

It seems to me that open marriage participants need to navigate through so many rules and expectations. At least as many or more than in a a traditional marriage.

I've always wondered what if the child of your wife gets married the same weekend at the child of your number one mistress is graduating from university. Which milestone family event would take priority?


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

I think that if all parties agree, open marriage does not mean failure. While I could not do it myself, i have seen families that practice polygamy, if everyone's is treated with respect, no minors as partners, they agree, then who am I to judge.


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## Phenix70 (May 6, 2012)

mablenc said:


> I think that if all parties agree, open marriage does not mean failure. While I could not do it myself, i have seen families that practice polygamy, if everyone's is treated with respect, no minors as partners, they agree, then who am I to judge.


Yep, I agree, what people decide to do within their marriage is their business, it makes NO difference to my marriage, so why should I care.
If you don't like open marriages, then don't have one, it's that simple.


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

NextTimeAround said:


> It seems to me that open marriage participants need to navigate through so many rules and expectations. At least as many or more than in a a traditional marriage.
> 
> I've always wondered what if the child of your wife gets married the same weekend at the child of your number one mistress is graduating from university. Which milestone family event would take priority?


I would assume its. Like having step children.:scratchhead:


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

Tomara said:


> :rofl:Why not is not in my vocabulary. H#LL NO sure is:rofl:
> Marriage is a vow between each other and also before God. Only reason for divorce is adultery.....you would be practicing adultrey once married so why get married:scratchhead:


Not everyone believes in God, and some religions allow polygamy.


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## badbane (Jun 9, 2012)

look marriage = whatever you make of it. Is an open marriage a good idea. NO 
Does it mean that it isn't possible to be in an open marriage. NO. 
It is just bound to happed that, at some point, someone in a third party might come in and cause your open marriage to be an ended marriage with her running off with the OM. Or you running off with the OM or ow whatever your preferences are. I remember watching a tv show where a man and a woman were in a relationship and the dude was a total patsy. I mean obvious beta male. HE was sharing his wife with a younger more alpha male. And guess what the whole show tried to portray it as a positive fun light. You could tell that the Beta male guy was just weird and just letting his wife do whatever she wanted and he made no mention as to how he really felt about it. He was always saying that he was glad she was happy. And the other dude was obviously just in it for the hot lady.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

mablenc said:


> I would assume its. Like having step children.:scratchhead:


Yes, but which child is treated as "real" child and which is treated as "step" child?


OP, I hope you find what you're looking for. As others have said, there are more sites more suited to the lifestyle you envision/practice. Good luck to you. As you can see already, this is a very touchy subject around here. I am one who sees marriage as God-centered... but I do know that many do not. Open marriage is not anything I could ever do, nor could I ever be in a marriage that allowed multiple spouses. Again, good luck to you.


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

mablenc said:


> Not trying to ruffle anyones feathers but, I have a question, does the bible actually prohibit polygamy?


Okay, I'm confused. What does the bible have to do with this young man's question? :scratchhead:


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

anchorwatch said:


> Okay, I'm confused. What does the bible have to do with this young man's question? :scratchhead:


I removed my post, it is just that someone mentioned God and I was curious if it was actually forbidden.

But because its not related to the post I deleted it.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

My SO and myself have what I'd consider an "open relationship". But there's a really big spectrum of "open". We've just gone to sex clubs together, and had some threesomes. Basically, we've always been involved with the other partner's orgasm as long as we've known each other. I would expect that to continue as our relationship evolves. If it doesn't, and one of us decides it needs to stop, I'll survive. Our relationship and the other person is the most important thing.

In general, TAM isn't terribly "open friendly". But it's still good for the rest of your relationship. Just my $0.02 worth.

C


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

mablenc said:


> I removed my post, it is just that someone mentioned God and I was curious if it was actually forbidden.
> 
> But because its not related to the post I deleted it.


Okay? NP


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## Kria (Aug 4, 2013)

PBear said:


> In general, TAM isn't terribly "open friendly". But it's still good for the rest of your relationship. Just my $0.02 worth.



Which is just about how much relationships that allow threesomes are worth.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

boysmakegoodpets said:


> hi all. my Queen and i aren't married yet, but are having fun talking about getting married one day. we're not traditionally-minded in very many senses of the word, and neither is our relationship. we have an open relationship now, for example, and, when we're married (after She's proposed to me  ), our marriage will be open as well.
> 
> at a quick scan, i didn't see any forums on this site dedicated to open marriage (while i did see that the "Coping with Infidelity" forum is the busiest on the site), so i'm wondering if this site is at all accommodating to people who cope with infidelity by simply not giving the concept a place in their relationship. maybe i'm simply overlooking some section of the site devoted to such alternative approaches? that would be nice...
> 
> ...


The discussion will always be a heated one because this site is pro monogamous marriages.
However , before you consider getting married , you might want to read this thread.

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/sex-marriage/58606-threesomes-so-fourth.html

There are many different views there, even those who are involved in swinging etc.


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## Theseus (Feb 22, 2013)

Tomara said:


> :iagree: Keep looking for a site that fits your needs. I don't think you would get alot of support here as most of us believe that being faithful is top priority.



Actually, being faithful is also a top priority to most people in open marriages. It's just that their definition of "faithful" is less restricted than most. I have known several swingers and all of them had certain boundaries that they both agreed to beforehand.


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## justdance4me (Jul 12, 2013)

Kria said:


> Which is just about how much relationships that allow threesomes are worth.


if a couple is into a threesome, who am I to judge? As long as they are all in agreement and not hurting anyone. Geez!!


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## pink_lady (Dec 1, 2012)

mablenc said:


> Not everyone believes in God, and some religions allow polygamy.


Yes but only for the man, I'm betting :scratchhead:


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## Kria (Aug 4, 2013)

justdance4me said:


> if a couple is into a threesome, who am I to judge? As long as they are all in agreement and not hurting anyone. Geez!!


I don't know who you are to judge either, lol, but I know who I am to judge. In the end the real judgement will be whatever consequences the couple may face in the future as a result of their choices.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

While the vast majority of TAM isn't exactly cozy with that arrangement, Arbitrator sure as hell ain't very accepting of it!

Do whatever you may, but don't bring your "open marriage" to my doorstep to give your cooties to me or my significant other!

Call me old-fashioned if you will, but please count me in the corner of having a loving monogamous marriage! Take your "open marriage" on down the road to someone of lower morals who might better appreciate it and think about embracing it ~ someone like my STBXW!


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## Unique Username (Jul 6, 2013)

mablenc said:


> I think that if all parties agree, open marriage does not mean failure. While I could not do it myself, i have seen families that practice polygamy, if everyone's is treated with respect, no minors as partners, they agree, then who am I to judge.




Polygamy is not the same thing as an "open marriage" 


The Columbia Electronic Encyclopedia Copyright © 2004.
Licensed from Columbia University Press 



polygamy


Marriage to more than one spouse at a time. Although the term may also refer to polyandry (marriage to more than one man), it is often used as a synonym for polygyny (marriage to more than one woman), which appears to have once been common in most of the world and is still found widely in some cultures. Polygyny seems to offer the husband increased prestige, economic stability, and sexual companionship in cultures where pregnancy and lactation dictate abstinence, while offering the wives a shared labour burden and an institutionalized role where a surplus of unmarried women might otherwise exist. The polygynous family is often fraught with bickering and sexual jealousy; to preserve harmony, one wife may be accorded seniority, and each wife and her children may have separate living quarters. Polyandry is relatively rare; in parts of the Himalayas, where brothers may marry a single woman, the practice serves to limit the number of descendants and keep limited land within the household. 

In polygamy, polygany and polyandry - the players are married to each other and steppin out on spouses isn't accepted. Polygamy One Husband and multiple wives (example Polygamous Mormons - the wives actually marry each other and the single husband....polyandry usual that the Female marries multiple males but the males do not marry each other)


Now interesting side note...if one were to repopulate a species facing extinction...Female with many Male mates will result in a more diverse population than the other way around. So, the Joseph Smiths with their magic hats had it all wrong.


I've known several couples who played around with "open" marriages....guess what? None of them remained married to each other. Despite their "rules" of behavior.


Here are a couple of places I found where peeps talk about their open marriages

Open Marriage Blog â€” Husband and Wife have been happily married for several years. We also have lovers on the side. Everyone is interested how we do it. So we figured we'd blog about it. 

I Have An Open Marriage Stories. Read True Stories of Real Experiences



I personally wonder why one would bother to marry anyone - if they PLAN on not being monogamous. Why not just live together and screw everybody. Course paternity of children from the varied coupling might be a problem.....STDs....


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

Unique Username said:


> Polygamy is not the same thing as an "open marriage


I'm not saying it is, I'm simply stating that what I have seen in Polygamist can also be applied here. Couples that choose have sex with more the one person in a comitted relationship, aren't necessarily going to fail in their marriage.

I think that at least they are not causing their spouse the pain cheaters do.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Why be with anyone who doesn't value you enough to actually commit themselves to you?

Open marriages are not marriages at all. Marriage comes with a set of rules, including being faithful. Yeah, there are folks who like to say they are married and aren't faithful, but they're just lying to themselves to make up for the sad fact that they've accepted being tied to someone who doesn't value them enough to truly commit to them 100%, so they get defensive, play games with meanings of things like what being married means, but when it comes down to it, they know they aren't anything more than one of the many people their partner is with and that they aren't special they are just another body to have sex with.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

mablenc said:


> I'm not saying it is, I'm simply stating that what I have seen in Polygamist can also be applied here. *Couples that choose have sex with more the one person in a comitted relationship, aren't necessarily going to fail in their marriage.*
> 
> I think that at least they are not causing their spouse the pain cheaters do.


How can anyone be sure that both people in a couple are on board with this? Maybe one might go with it because they don't want to lose their spouse.


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## Phenix70 (May 6, 2012)

NextTimeAround said:


> How can anyone be sure that both people in a couple are on board with this? Maybe one might go with it because they don't want to lose their spouse.


In those cases, they have more more serious issues going on, they're lying to themselves & their spouse just because they're afraid to lose them if they voice their true feelings. 
That's a pretty sad state of affairs right there & smacks of low self esteem. 
I love my H, but I would never compromise myself just to make him stay with me.
If he was douchey enough to play that card, my answer would be D papers.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Notice that OP refers to her a his queen, obviously he is in a cuckolding abusive relationship. He's needs IC to help him deal with the emotional issues inside himself that are driving him to accept and even believe that such a relationship is heathy and good.

He's not recognizing that his "queens" refusal to commit to him fully is a tell tale sign that she doesn't value him over all others. For what ever reason he's missing the self esteem to stand up for himself and refuse to be second place with her.

Cuckolding like this by such queens is a form of emotional abuse and should be treated as such, not simply an alternate lifestyle.


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## Phenix70 (May 6, 2012)

Shaggy said:


> Notice that OP refers to her a his queen, obviously he is in a cuckolding abusive relationship. He's needs IC to help him deal with the emotional issues inside himself that are driving him to accept and even believe that such a relationship is heathy and good.
> 
> He's not recognizing that his "queens" refusal to commit to him fully is a tell tale sign that she doesn't value him over all others. For what ever reason he's missing the self esteem to stand up for himself and refuse to be second place with her.
> 
> Cuckolding like this by such queens is a form of emotional abuse and should be treated as such, not simply an alternate lifestyle.



Good point, I think you have to be in a very strong mental & emotional state to be a part of an open marriage, or a poly relationship.
Especially to make sure that your wants & needs are fulfilled & not pushed aside for your SO's own wants & needs to take center place.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

I think it takes an emotionally and mentally strong person to be in a committed , monogamous marriage.
I also think the term " open marriage" , is an oxymoron because marriage itself signifies exclusivity.
Why get married if you want to have sex with multiple partners?

Mature people make commitments , and work on it.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

Shaggy said:


> Notice that OP refers to her a his queen, obviously he is in a cuckolding abusive relationship. He's needs IC to help him deal with the emotional issues inside himself that are driving him to accept and even believe that such a relationship is heathy and good.
> 
> He's not recognizing that his "queens" refusal to commit to him fully is a tell tale sign that she doesn't value him over all others. For what ever reason he's missing the self esteem to stand up for himself and refuse to be second place with her.
> 
> Cuckolding like this by such queens is a form of emotional abuse and should be treated as such, not simply an alternate lifestyle.


:iagree:
A lot of people who enter these types of relationships have deep seated psychological problems.
Quite a lot may also have masochistic tendencies.


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## Theseus (Feb 22, 2013)

Unique Username said:


> Now interesting side note...if one were to repopulate a species facing extinction...Female with many Male mates will result in a more diverse population than the other way around. So, the Joseph Smiths with their magic hats had it all wrong.


Why would 1 Female + many Males result in more genetic diversity than 1 Male + many Females? I don't see how that would affect diversity one way or the other.

In any case, you can grow a population many times more quickly with the 1 Male + many females arrangement, since all the woman can be pregnant at the same time. In ancient times, it's obvious how this would be an advantage. In today's overpopulated world, however, it makes little sense. 



> I personally wonder why one would bother to marry anyone - if they PLAN on not being monogamous. Why not just live together and screw everybody.


Several people have asked a variation of this same question at least five times in this thread. The answer is very simple: There are many reasons for such couples to still get married, because there is a lot more to marriage than sexual exclusivity. 

People in open relationships are often emotionally exclusive while not sexually exclusive. Some couples still genuinely love each other, but one of them either cannot or will not have sex anymore, so they let their partner enjoy others. Some people get married solely to fulfill family/societal expectations, including gay spouses marrying the gender they are not attracted to. An open marriage could make sense for any of these cases. 

There are also legal and tax benefits, as well as the ability to get a visa for your spouse through marriage. 

I'm not necessarily endorsing any of these choices, just pointing them out.


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## Theseus (Feb 22, 2013)

Caribbean Man said:


> :iagree:
> A lot of people who enter these types of relationships have deep seated psychological problems.
> Quite a lot may also have masochistic tendencies.



Cuckolding/BDSM/masochism are not necessarily psychological problems nor are they necessarily destructive. If both partners are happy with the arrangement and they aren't harming anyone else, then more power to them.

Spanking is certainly a very common masochistic fetish. If everyone who indulged in that was mentally ill, then hospitals would be drowning in mental patients!


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## Unique Username (Jul 6, 2013)

"I personally wonder why one would bother to marry anyone - if they PLAN on not being monogamous. Why not just live together and screw everybody."

My questioning statement was rhetorical.



"Why would 1 Female + many Males result in more genetic diversity than 1 Male + many Females? I don't see how that would affect diversity one way or the other.

In any case, you can grow a population many times more quickly with the 1 Male + many females arrangement, since all the woman can be pregnant at the same time. In ancient times, it's obvious how this would be an advantage. In today's overpopulated world, however, it makes little sense. "

Here is one article that will help explain it....

Female multiple mating, inbreeding avoidance, and fitness: it is not only the magnitude of costs and benefits that counts


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

I think the population of happy open marriages is smaller, I do think that many are scared to lose thier spouse and give in. I also think that many don't weight in the damages that are going to arise. It seems to be a fad. I think that all partners must be going in agreeing and knowing what they are stepping into. Maybe premarital couseling should be a must before committing to it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

Maybe a serial cheater would be happier in an open marriage with someone who won't oppose to it? Instead of causing all damage by cheating.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Weathered (Dec 15, 2009)

A serial cheater who stays a serial cheater is simply hedonistic and cares not about the feelings and desires of who he cheats.

As for polygamy and so called open marriage, regardless of the distinction between the two, they are a recipe for disaster - jealousy, inconsistency and disharmony are inevitable.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Theseus said:


> Cuckolding/BDSM/masochism are not necessarily psychological problems nor are they necessarily destructive. If both partners are happy with the arrangement and they aren't harming anyone else, then more power to them.
> 
> Spanking is certainly a very common masochistic fetish. If everyone who indulged in that was mentally ill, then hospitals would be drowning in mental patients!


I disagree on the cuckolding and masochism not being physiological problems. In the first one, the male enjoys being abused sexually and emotionally by his wife , and in the second one the abuser enjoys abusing another person. In neither case, the victims life is not improved by the abusive relationship, it is by its nature destructive to the victim.

We would not tolerate a woman being hit and physically abused, even if she said she was ok and accepting of it.

Why then do we accept males being sexually and emotionally abused and call it an alternate lifestyle?

We accept it because we assume that the male is not at risk and does not need our help. So we smirk, an look the other way.

Spanking is a different thing, it's a form of physical stimulation and as long as it does not cross the line where the receiver can no longer stop it, it is a practice between consenting adults.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

I think many times people who promote the open marriage / poly lifestyle forget jealousy is a natural human emotion and not a social construct.
Even babies get jealous. Jealousy is at the root of sibling rivalry.

It is completely natural to feel jealous if we are forced to compete with another external person for our lover's / spouse's attention.

In open marriages / poly relationship, jealousy is prohibited , and you are not _allowed_ to feel jealous.
The subtle abuse begins right there.


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## Spinner (Jul 26, 2013)

boysmakegoodpets said:


> hi all. my Queen and i aren't married yet, but are having fun talking about getting married one day. we're not traditionally-minded in very many senses of the word, and neither is our relationship. we have an open relationship now, for example, and, when we're married (after She's proposed to me  ), our marriage will be open as well.
> 
> at a quick scan, i didn't see any forums on this site dedicated to open marriage (while i did see that the "Coping with Infidelity" forum is the busiest on the site), so i'm wondering if this site is at all accommodating to people who cope with infidelity by simply not giving the concept a place in their relationship. maybe i'm simply overlooking some section of the site devoted to such alternative approaches? that would be nice...
> 
> ...


Well I think you got your answer  sheesh, and people say christians are judgmental!

I personally don't really get open relationships, but hey, whatever makes you happy (without hurting anyone else, of course). Best of luck finding a more supportive site.


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## Theseus (Feb 22, 2013)

Shaggy said:


> I disagree on the cuckolding and masochism not being physiological problems. In the first one, the male enjoys being abused sexually and emotionally by his wife , and in the second one the abuser enjoys abusing another person. In neither case, the victims life is not improved by the abusive relationship, it is by its nature destructive to the victim.


It's not destructive if the "victim" is happy. After all we get married to be happy, don't we?




> We would not tolerate a woman being hit and physically abused, even if she said she was ok and accepting of it.


Who is "we"? In my experience, most people have no problem if a husband ties up or spanks his wife, as long as she is on board with it. 



> Why then do we accept males being sexually and emotionally abused and call it an alternate lifestyle?


At least we agree on one point: there shouldn't be any double standard. And there is none on my part; I see no problem with either the man or woman in the dominant role, as long as thats what everyone wants. 



> Spanking is a different thing, it's a form of physical stimulation and as long as it does not cross the line where the receiver can no longer stop it, it is a practice between consenting adults.


And how is that any different from whipping/cuckolding/etc? Spanking is merely a fairly mild (although not always) form of BDSM, but it's still a game of dominance between two people. You only seem to be objecting to the degree instead of the type of activity. In fact, there are plenty of people who even consider consensual spanking to be "abuse".


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