# In Love with Two Women and can't deciede between the two.



## DrWally (Jun 2, 2013)

Hello everyone, I'm new to this site to bare with me on my first post. Any and all advice is greatly appreciated. Thank you in advance. 

There are two women [A/B] in my life at the moment and I'm currently seeing the two of them at the same time. I really want to settle down with one because I don't like the life I'm living right now and I really just want to be with one. 

Woman "A" I've been with for just under 6 years. She's been a fantastic emotional pillar for me during deaths in the family as well as the good times. She is someone who I value her opinion very much and enjoy talking with her. She also shares similar views on life, hobbies and our life goals are similar in regards to what we are working towards. There is a high level of comfort and security with this women. She also knows me better than anybody has ever known me in my life. I just never was truly physically attracted to her, there never was that overwhelming spark of attraction not to mention our sex life is ho-hum at best. She isn't very good at initiating or encouraging any sexual activity and it tends to be quite boring. It was her personality that drew me to her. We interact like very good, close, comfortable friends. 

Woman "B" is someone I have been seeing for about 6-8 months. She is someone who I am extremely attracted to; to the point I've never been so physically attracted to a woman like this before. I consider myself lucky knowing that this bombshell is just as attracted to me as I am to her. She makes me laugh all the time, is very sweet and willing to do anything to help me out. But I feel she lacks a certain amount of intellectual maturity so the conversations aren't as stimulating or deep thus making me feel less compelled to ask her for advice etc... My sex life with her is amazing to say the least.

It comes down to is what one woman has the other lacks, but what they have are qualities I really like and want.

"A" is mature, smart, quiet, predictable, and is the safe bet.

"B" is sexy, fun/funny, devoted, adventurous, and a wild card.

I feel like I'm picking the lesser of the two evils in this scenario. And the thought of telling one that I'm moving on devastates me because I really don't want to hurt either one of them. 

Please help me.


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## Emerald (Aug 2, 2012)

Welcome to TAM!

Here is what I think:

You were satisfied with "A" until "B" came along.

I've seen it happen all of the time.

Also, do A & B both know that you are dating both of them at the same time and if so, how do they each feel about it?


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## SaltInWound (Jan 2, 2013)

So, are you cheating on woman A with woman B?


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## JustHer (Mar 12, 2013)

None of us are perfect and we are all lacking is something. Having said that, since you aren't totally satified with either one, maybe you should try looking for woman "C" who is everything......


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Neither. You are a cheater and aren't fit for a relationship.

Cut both women loose until you get right with yourself.

Unless woman A agreed to you dating this is my advice.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

So you are cheating on A , your LTR with B who's fun and sexual.

What you are experiencing with B is called an affair, and yes affair sex is more intense and exciting.

I suggest you come clean with A and break up with her. Set her free to date and meet new men.

Then date B until either you realize what you lost in A by cheating on her, or until B tires of you and cheats on you.


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## BjornFree (Aug 16, 2012)

mmmm........


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## SomedayDig (Jul 17, 2012)

Ahhh...the grass is greener dealeo. 

See, in your paragraph about A, you talk about her emotional strength that she's had for you through the YEARS, and then talk about a ho-hum sex life with her. Oh...and she comfortable.

Then your paragraph about B, you talk about the excitement and the joy of sex. Oh...and she's fun.

What you fail to see is that the difference between the 2 women is NOT the issue. YOU are the difference between the 2 women. Your perception is that you are comfy and cozy with A therefore sex is blah. B is exciting, therefore so is the sex.

Take the sex away and what do ya have?


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## Blue Firefly (Mar 6, 2013)

DrWally said:


> It comes down to is what one woman has the other lacks, but what they have are qualities I really like and want.


In other words, NEITHER woman is the right woman for you.

You won't make either of these women happy, because you'll never be completely happy with them. Let them go. Stop dating them both, and go out and find one woman that has all the qualities you want.


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

Yup. You should have tried to solve the sexual disconnect with A instead of going with B. B is going to fizzle - remember that for every hot, sexy woman there is a man glad to be done with her. Some day that will be you, too.

I think sex is VERY important to maintaining intimacy so I really feel you should have addressed that from an intimacy perspective with her long ago.

I assume you aren't married to A? After 6+ years you know she isn't the one for you or you would have already married. Break it off with both and look fro C, as another poster said.


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## BjornFree (Aug 16, 2012)

Blue Firefly said:


> In other words, NEITHER woman is the right woman for you.
> 
> You won't make either of these women happy, because you'll never be completely happy with them. Let them go. Stop dating them both, and go out and find one woman that has all the qualities you want.


Advice==Rinse Repeat.


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## Laila8 (Apr 24, 2013)

Stop cheating on A and let her go. She deserves someone who will be wildly in love with her and loyal to her. The sex with B isn't any more magical; it's just a fantasy, an affair fog.


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

DrWally said:


> Hello everyone, I'm new to this site to bare with me on my first post. Any and all advice is greatly appreciated. Thank you in advance.
> 
> There are two women [A/B] in my life at the moment and I'm currently seeing the two of them at the same time. I really want to settle down with one because I don't like the life I'm living right now and I really just want to be with one.
> 
> ...


Do they know about each other?


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

6 months into a new relationship with B -- of course it's exciting now. Add to that the thrill of cheating on A.

You'll have to ask yourself why your own standards are low enough to allow you to treat A this way. If you dont see this as a problem, then you should pick B. If you get married to A, you'll cheat on her again later eventually.


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## SouthernMiss (Apr 25, 2013)

If you're cheating, let them both go. You deserve neither. They each deserve better than the likes of you.

If you're not cheating (A and B both know about each other), then I still say let them both go. You like elements of both women, but you don't fully love or feel satisfied by either of them. Look for woman C, D, E, etc. until you find the one who satisfies you all around. Settling only cheats them and yourself. It takes time and fortitude, but there is someone out there who is entirely compatible with you. If you settle, you'll live to regret it.


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

Allow Dolly to help you

Let A go and find a man who has more respect for her than to lump her in the same bracket as a bit of totty he's been banging for 6 months

Carry on banging B until....you know what, I don't really care what happens after that


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## TiggyBlue (Jul 29, 2012)

If A doesn't know about B why not tell her, she may make the decision for you.


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

Dollystanford said:


> Allow Dolly to help you
> 
> Let A go and find a man who has more respect for her than to lump her in the same bracket as a bit of totty he's been banging for 6 months
> 
> Carry on banging B until....you know what, I don't really care what happens after that



And Dolly comes thru again...


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## sparkyjim (Sep 22, 2012)

My opinion...

Although 6 years is a long time to be dating someone the OP never said that he was in an exclusive relationship with either one. I guess, if I had more information I might change my mind, but I didn't see him as being "the cheater."

Maybe he could set the record straight.


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## Hortensia (Feb 1, 2013)

So, you stayed together with A for 6 years, time in which you must have known you're not all that into her, that the attraction spark is missing, that the sex is not that great, right ?
I think it is very selfish and cruel of you that you wasted 6 years of her life. As soon as you noticed these things, you should've set her free, she has a right to find someone to love her and be happy.
But no, you kept her like a toy you don't really like, until something new came across. And now you're cheating on her.

You are not "in love with 2 women". You are cheating on your long-time girlfriend with a new, sexier squeeze. Again, please do the poor woman a favor and come clean! You've done enough harm to her.
As for B, sounds like it's just physical attraction, not much in common otherwise, so she's not the one either.
When you find that someone who clicks on all fields, you'll know and you'll feel it.

For now, work on becoming a better person- how selfishly you took the relationship with A shows that you have a long way on this path. Don't enter any new relationship until you are capable of being faithful and honest.
How would you feel if some woman, that you happen to love or like very much, dragged you after her for years, just to discover she hasn't been that much into you all along, and now she's cheating with a new guy? I bet the thought doesn't feel very nice...it's what you did.


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## Enginerd (May 24, 2011)

DrWally said:


> Hello everyone, I'm new to this site to bare with me on my first post. Any and all advice is greatly appreciated. Thank you in advance.
> 
> There are two women [A/B] in my life at the moment and I'm currently seeing the two of them at the same time. I really want to settle down with one because I don't like the life I'm living right now and I really just want to be with one.
> 
> ...





I don't think you're marriage material if your asking this question. Why do you think you want to be married? Do these women already know of each other?


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

I love when they post and leave. 


This threads are all the same and Emerald nailed it:



Emerald said:


> Welcome to TAM!
> 
> Here is what I think:
> 
> ...


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## tryingtobebetter (Aug 6, 2012)

Introduce A and B to each other and ask them to decide
:sleeping:


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)




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## hambone (Mar 30, 2013)

DrWally said:


> Hello everyone, I'm new to this site to bare with me on my first post. Any and all advice is greatly appreciated. Thank you in advance.
> 
> There are two women [A/B] in my life at the moment and I'm currently seeing the two of them at the same time. I really want to settle down with one because I don't like the life I'm living right now and I really just want to be with one.
> 
> ...


Why do you feel that you have to settle for either one of them? 

Why not keep looking until you find the total package.

If you love A.. you'd have already married her. Give her the opportunity to find someone who will marry her.

That lust you have with B will wear off soon enough.


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## Strattec (Apr 27, 2013)

DrWally said:


> Hello everyone, I'm new to this site to bare with me on my first post. Any and all advice is greatly appreciated. Thank you in advance.
> 
> There are two women [A/B] in my life at the moment and I'm currently seeing the two of them at the same time. I really want to settle down with one because I don't like the life I'm living right now and I really just want to be with one.
> 
> ...


It seems like everyone is focusing on your possible cheating rather than your actual question.

From a man's perspective, "A" seems like a good potential marriage partner EXCEPT her disinterest in sex. Eventually in the long term, no sex will make your marriage go bad.

"B" sounds hot and if the sex is amazing, she would make an awesome girlfriend. However, as far as a potential wife, she might lack some qualities that are also important in a marriage. 

If I were you, I'd go with "B" and see how it works out. Maybe, you'll discover you have more things in common than you think. If not, find another girl that has the best of 'A" and "B". I just think if you stayed with "A", her not satisfying you sexually will be big enough for your relationship to fail. After all, it appears you're cheating on her already. You will do it again.


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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

DrWally said:


> I feel like I'm picking the lesser of the two evils in this scenario. And the thought of telling one that I'm moving on devastates me because I really don't want to hurt either one of them.
> 
> Please help me.


Better explain how much each woman knows about the other first.


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## torani (May 6, 2013)

You say you don't want to hurt either of them.... Truth is, you already are if you are cheating. 

How would you feel if your Girl A had another guy on the side, how would you feel if Girl B had another guy on the side. 

How would you feel if someone was doing this to you. I am guessing you might be hurt and wouldn't like it. Many people here have been cheated on and if you read a few posts I think you'll understand just how much damage it can cause a person. 

Not wanting to hurt someone is not a good excuse to lie to either of the girls and keep doing what you are doing. Girl A at the very least is getting a raw deal and that's not fair to her. Doesn't she also deserve to have what you are looking for outside of your relationship?

Someone told me once that the grass always looks greener on the otherside, but that all you will be doing is moving on to another person with their own set of problems... Girl B looks good now but just wait... 

Sounds like girl A would be your choice besides the sex and attraction part, why not put your energy into fixing that instead of putting your energy into girl B. 

Just a thought.


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## Lordhavok (Mar 14, 2012)

I hope they find out and you loose both of them


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

Who says he's cheating?


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## Terry_CO (Oct 23, 2012)

alphaomega said:


> Who says he's cheating?


This.

He and GF #1 may have been dating other people this whole time, so don't condemn DrWally for cheating when we don't know.

OP needs to clarify  And since he hasn't replied since his first post, I suspect he is either a troll, or a "drive-by-poster"


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

You don't like the life you're leading and you think settling down with one or another woman will solve your problems.

No woman is going to solve your problem.

Thinking a formal choice between the two will make your dilemma go away is not a logical way to think. Or perhaps it's logical, but irrational. Sure, on paper you see a time sequence with a branching...make this choice and all other viable alternatives disappear from the present choices - a done deal, right? No. It's not that way...when you choose one woman over the other, the other woman is still going to exist. As will your problem of different attractions.

So, until you find a way to live in the present that's amenable to you, you're going to have to live with your problem of having two women who satisfy you in different ways, and managing that. You could become more emotionally independent and more adept at looking out for yourself without framing your issues so logically...that would be a good start 

BTDT. Live and learn, but don't be fooled by logical constructs. They're a cop-out short-cut path to simplicity that doesn't apply to matters of attraction, whether physical or emotional. 

Good luck!


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## Rags (Aug 2, 2010)

If the two women know abour eachother, sounds like you might want to consider polyamoury.

(Not advocating it as a lifestyle choice, but I accept that people are different.)

Off the wall question - what's this got to do with marriage?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Laila8 (Apr 24, 2013)

alphaomega said:


> Who says he's cheating?


I'd guess he's cheating based on the silence of the original poster.


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