# The elusive G-Spot



## cdm (Jun 3, 2011)

Ok, maybe not to some of you guys, but it was/is for me. Truthfully, and I realize this is probably a shame, but I have never given any thought at all on how to improve my sexual performence in order to better satisfy my wife, until recently (For further information you can go to the general relationship forum and look at the thread titled "How upset should I be, if at all?"). 

Now, I have spent the better part of the last 4 or 5 days browsing seemingly every single website known to man dedicated to subjects like "How to be a better lover", "Be the best she's ever had", "Blow her ind in bed", you name it. I've taken in a lot of info, and had an opportunity this morning with no kids here to attempt to put a few into practice. 

First thing I decided to impliment (Not that I don't normally do this, but certainly I usually don't dedicate as much time as I did this morning) was to simply carress, massage, lightly kiss, rub, etc all over her body. Now I have to admit, this seemed to be a success, judging by her moans and body language. I'm sure (And I hope) it was nice for her to relax and enjoy a good 20+ minutes of sensual and erotic touching/massing and such before ever having to do a thing. 


Now the two issues I had. One, I couldn't seem to locate the so called G-Spot. According to everything I've read, a couple of things are pretty much agreed upon by every so called expert (As well as advice forum replies) I looked into. One, is that you WILL KNOW IT when you find it. It will have kind of "rough/rigid" feeling on your fingers, is that right? Two, is that if located and done properly, it will give her a mind blowing, longer lasting orgasm like she's likely never had. Well, I can't say that she's never had such an orgasm (May be why she's so fond of whoever it is that holds that #1 spot in her mind), but what I can say without a doubt is that the orgasm she had (Assuming it wasn't fake) wasn't any different from any other that I've witnessed in the last 10 years. 


The other thing that I read up on was about lasting longer before ejaculating. Again, there was one MAIN technique that seemed to get a mention on any site I browsed. That was to, when you get to that point where you know its just a few more strokes and you're gonna be done, to stop, grasp your penis, and apply pressure to the eurethra. Then, once the feeling "passes", apparently you can get back after it again without worry for at least as long as you did the first time before getting to that critical moment again. Well, I call BULLS***!!! Cause I did exactly that, and the feeling went away, but once I stared again (And I wasn't prepared for this to happen so it caught me very much off gaurd), within a few moments (Maybe 20 damn seconds), there it was.

Any advice/help/tips on how I can better find this spot that at this point seems a lot like bigfoot tome, meaning that plenty of people CLAIM to have found it, but until I have personal proof, as far as I'm concerned its a big lie... Lol.. Ok, not rtue, but any advice would be great cause apparently I can't find the damn thing with moth hands and a map.


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

I think the G-spot is one of those elusive things. I've done research on it and found some scientists say that it exists, some say that it doesn't, and if it does exist it doesn't always float everybody's boat. I guess you just have to have fun exploring together with your wife, and if it doesn't seem to 'exist' for her or float her boat, I wouldn't worry about it. Do All Women Have a G-Spot?

BTW: With exhaustive research on my husband's end, he has never been able to find mine!


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

The G-Spot is worth finding. Trust me. It absolutely exists in my experience.

Mind blowing orgasms ... check.

It may not be evident to you where it is until it is stimulated. Then it should be pretty obvious. She will certainly know if you are hitting it.

Ridges? hmmm. Idunno about that. Essentially you will find it up under the clitoris from inside. Around two inches to three inches in. It probably varies. Anyway the way it is usually explained is to do a come hither with one or two fingers. That said, I actullay move my fingers in a horizontal motion back and forth in the general area until I can feel the spot swell up. Fluttering two fingers works well. One can then start using the come hither with some firmness at some point. Firm but gentle if that makes sense. But once it gets rolling pretty much any motion gets my wife orgasming. Things can roll from one orgasm to the next. In my wifes case she ejaculates alomg with this. It is not urine. When things get intense it is unbelieveable just how much. Needless to say I enjoy this no end. At some point you can switch to intercourse and the oragasms can keep going. YMMV.


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## BigToe (Jun 2, 2011)

Tell your wife to show you where it is. If she can't find it I wouldn't worry about it if you can't find it.


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## mary35 (Jul 18, 2010)

Enchantment said:


> I think the G-spot is one of those elusive things. I've done research on it and found some scientists say that it exists, some say that it doesn't, and if it does exist it doesn't always float everybody's boat. I guess you just have to have fun exploring together with your wife, and if it doesn't seem to 'exist' for her or float her boat, I wouldn't worry about it. Do All Women Have a G-Spot?
> 
> BTW: With exhaustive research on my husband's end, he has never been able to find mine!


Haven't found mine either! And not for a lack of trying. lol


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## BigBadWolf (Nov 30, 2009)

When woman on her back facing up, the man should insert his finger only a few inches inside her vagina. 

Palm of hand facing upwards.

Press upwards with a finger (or two), while doing the back and forth gesturing as if a "come here" or "come hither" gesture with the tip of the finger.

Start slowly, and build up frequency and pressure based on your woman's feedback (moaning, pelvic thrusting, legs jiggling, toes curling, etc.) So just as always with oral sex be sure to be perfectly in tune with your woman response, she will guide the man perfectly when he pays attention. 

Also try to do this while also orally stimulating clitorus with your tongue or massaging lips of vagina with your other hand or something similar, this will help your woman to relax and she will enjoy the multiple sensations, and give you time to work your magic witout being under any pressure yourself, and do not miss this, giving the attitude that you yourself are truly the master of giving woman pleasure and in control of the pleasure giving, as opposed to just some guy trying to fumble or guess what he's doing, this attitude will go far in this area. A woman, she will need the freedom to let herself go so to speak, uninhibited, and this only come when the man she's with giving impression he can be trusted, he knows what he doing, and he is just the man for the job at hand. 

In a few minutes, the area where you are gesturing and applying pressure should swell, as about the size of a thumb or a grape, and have somewhat courser texture as if a sponge.

This is the swelling of the "G -spot", and this is of course, when the man gets this far, is no longer the guesswork, for he feels it 100 percent, then he can more vigourously increase frequency and pressure, as well as aggresivley increase other tings like oral or manual stimulation, whatevr else he may be doing.

In this way, when the woman is reaching orgasm, the man feels her vagina contracting and oscillating, so he knows from this when he ddoing everyting just exactly right, so he will then remain consistent at this point troughout her orgasm to stop any changes and just continue whatveer he is doing until his woman is coming back down.

The g-spot, it is in my experience, the way to allow the woman to experience multiple orgasms, since it not as sensitive as clitoris so often during first orgasm, unless woman is done, if the man continues doing his thing a second and third (and occasionally more!) orgasms are possible. 

THis is the benefit of spending time to learn and master this tecnique. 

Google "Skene's gland" for as many pictures of this G-spot as you may wish to view, but do not do this search at work with people around without caution. 

I wish you well.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Here's what works for me and my partner. And I really wish I could find the video that taught me this, cause they showed things better than I can explain it.

First off, foreplay and arousal are necessary before starting this. And its very "mental"; she has to be able to relax and let herself go with it. I kneel beside her so my right hand drops naturally to her vagina. Middle two fingers in all the way curved slightly up, first and last fingers pointed down and out of the way. Then very vigorous up and down movements of the two inserted fingers. This is where the video demonstrates what's required better than I can describe. But it almost seems that it should be too much, too aggressive. But she's never commented on any discomfort.

The end result is, for my lover, an orgasm inside of two minutes, complete with squirting. We've soaked through 2 thick towels on top of each other, each one folded in thirds. Finally I bought a waterproof blanket. We've had to wipe down walls and change pillow cases. I can give her a little break and then continue with the same effect in less than a minute. I think the most I've done before letting her fully recover is 8. Even when she claims to be totally done sexually that night, I've won bets with her that she's still got at least one left. 

Anyway... Yes, the g-spot does exist, at least for some women. Can't vouch for them all... . And yes, for a woman who's open to it, it can provide mind-blowing toe curling shaky leg orgasms. Your mileage may vary. I must confess to being curious as to the effects I could have with this knowledge with past lovers, even my ex... . I don't have too much doubt that I could take this technique and rock their world.

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SockPuppet (May 16, 2011)

Enchantment said:


> I think the G-spot is one of those elusive things. I've done research on it and found some scientists say that it exists, some say that it doesn't, and if it does exist it doesn't always float everybody's boat. I guess you just have to have fun exploring together with your wife, and if it doesn't seem to 'exist' for her or float her boat, I wouldn't worry about it. Do All Women Have a G-Spot?
> 
> BTW: With exhaustive research on my husband's end, he has never been able to find mine!


Im not going to claim to have given my wife g-spot orgasms... But I have found the rough patch, and she did have the greatest orgasm of her life that night... or so she says.

Palm facing up, insert middle finger as far as you can, root around in there. You are bound to find an area of skin which has a different feeling from the rest. I've heard there are different sizes, some big, some small. Get in there and play, have fun. You will find it when you stop trying to find it.

I give proprs to the OP for taking the time to want to imrpove for his wife. Too many guys on these forums complain about lack of intimacy from the W, but make no mention on how they will improve on themselves, so that they will be prepped to work on the relationship.

For the pre-mature ejaculation thing... Either masturbate before sex, so you can last longer or switch it up. Switch positions, tempos, maybe change to a toy. I usually have no problem hitting the 15-20 minute mark, but if the train starts leaving early, I slow down, thgink about something else, do whatever works. Try things out.


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## Halien (Feb 20, 2011)

I'm usually sheepish about posts like this because I'm definately not an expert. My wife, though, has physiological issues with clitoral orgasms. She was too embarrassed to pursue if further, even though the gynecologist said that she should. Her G spot can definately be felt because I made it my life's mission to make it my best friend. It just really bothered me that it was so hard for her to orgasm. Thing is, it is much more obvious in her than in many other relationships I had before we were married. Call me stupid, but I just assumed that every person was different.

I never had a problem with premature ejaculation. The opposite is more of a problem - delayed. For me, though, I was pretty well versed in theories before I ever had a physical relationship, wierdly so. My dad was obsessive about seduction, and while other kids were learning to fish, I was learning all about best practices for sex. He always bragged about marathon sex binges. Early in my relationship, just to be sure that premature fizzle wasn't a problem, I tended to stick to his advice. After you have gotten into ... ahem... penetration, just let yourself go pretty far, at least until you start to feel the approach. Take your own advice, but then just find other ways to please her for a while. If you simply resume, you're sunk. Next time around, it often doesn't tend to get to that point for longer time. Maybe its worth trying. The first time, you find a balance point of 'not quite' that desensitizes you. As you can imagine, it probably takes a little trial and embarrassing error. Tends to work on our marathon saturdays, though.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Entropy3000 said:


> The G-Spot is worth finding. Trust me. It absolutely exists in my experience.


Agreed. Tell her that if you ever come in contact with it, to tell you. I always told my ex when he hit it.


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## nader (May 4, 2011)

Ian Kerner who is a popular sex therapist columnist and wrote 'She Comes First,' says he doesn't believe in clitoral vs. vaginal vs. G spot orgasms. He says they are all orgasms, they are just triggered from different areas; many roads to the same destination. The 'come hither' motion seems to work like a charm with my wife. I don't know if these are 'regular' orgasms or 'mind blowing' orgasms, if I am hitting the G-spot or what, but it does seem pretty powerful. If it can get better, I'd love to know about it!


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

nader said:


> Ian Kerner who is a popular sex therapist columnist and wrote 'She Comes First,' says he doesn't believe in clitoral vs. vaginal vs. G spot orgasms. He says they are all orgasms, they are just triggered from different areas; many roads to the same destination. The 'come hither' motion seems to work like a charm with my wife. I don't know if these are 'regular' orgasms or 'mind blowing' orgasms, if I am hitting the G-spot or what, but it does seem pretty powerful. If it can get better, I'd love to know about it!


My GF would definitely disagree with him. And since she's a woman (pretty sure on that), I think I'll take her word on it. . She's mentioned a few times how her orgasms are quite distinctive, depending on the source. Clitoral, vaginal, g-spot, and anal. And the physical result of a g-spot orgasm vs a "regular" orgasm would make it hard to argue against, although I haven't read the book.

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

Most of the guys posting in here are lucky. I am in way over my head when it comes to trying to find the g spot.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

sinnister said:


> Most of the guys posting in here are lucky. I am in way over my head when it comes to trying to find the g spot.


It might be partially luck... Finding a partner who will communicate with you and is interested in exploring is the lucky part. But part of it is putting in the effort and doing your research... I spent quite a few nights looking at really bad porn, reading, etc trying to figure things out. It didn't just happen.

C


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## cdm (Jun 3, 2011)

Thanks for all the responses folks. Unfortunately, I don't know if I'll need 'em any time soon. The wife and I had somewhat of a blowup today about this issue :-(. Probably as much my fault as hers. I'm sure I was expecting too much too fast. I sent her a lengthy email this morning about how we need to communicate better so I can know what she likes and wants/needs, yada yada yada.... Then I got a little pissed at her rather "non-challant", two sentence response to my two paragraph, sincere, and very tuff to send, email... It didn't go well. Oh well.... Life go's on I suppose... I know some of you are gonna probably make excuses for her, and they may be legit, but i just feel like if she's willing to hurt my feelings by telling me that I am not the best shes ever had, then the least she should do is be a little more responsive when I make an honest (And somewhat embarrasing) effort to change things for her benifit... Sucks right about now...


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

You're doing the right thing... Hang in there!

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## nader (May 4, 2011)

PBear said:


> My GF would definitely disagree with him. And since she's a woman (pretty sure on that), I think I'll take her word on it. . She's mentioned a few times how her orgasms are quite distinctive, depending on the source. Clitoral, vaginal, g-spot, and anal. And the physical result of a g-spot orgasm vs a "regular" orgasm would make it hard to argue against, although I haven't read the book.
> 
> C
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I think kerner is referring to the biology of it. Or he was making some kind of larger point about how the brain is the biggest sex organ, etc. It's been awhile since I read it.


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## nader (May 4, 2011)

I asked my wife about this last night, describing the main 'come hither' move I make that you always read about. She doesn't watch what I'm doing so she can't tell. I think to her (I hope) it is like technology or magic - now caring how electricity works but just being glad it does. She doesn't know what kind of orgasms she's having, but they seem pretty good! I asked her if she could read up on this sometime, because if there's a way to make it better that we haven't figured out yet, I'd sure love to know about it. She said she would, but we'll see... She has always seemed content to have her regular orgasm, whichever kind it is. I don't think she is very ambitious. She's had orgasms with me inside her but I think it's been awhile. Says her favorite thing is when I come inside her.


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

nader said:


> She's had orgasms with me inside her but I think it's been awhile. Says her favorite thing is when I come inside her.


This is intriguing. Do men NOT know when their woman has an orgasm? Maybe not according to recent research that I've seen. But maybe it's just me (likely not) - there are some really tell-tale signs when one happens - and my H definitely knows when it happens and he's inside. Sounds like there needs to be some education on both sides as to what is really happening during the experience.


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## nader (May 4, 2011)

She can be really vocal if things are going right. If I am stimulating her manually or orally, it is really easy to tell. For intercourse it is more intense for both of us and she is vocal whether or not she cums. It's possible I would feel the contractions and that she could get slightly juicier, but I might not notice due to focusing on my own sensations as well. It is a matter of decoding all that moaning but it is easy to just ask her. 

What I do know is that when she's into it, she is having a good time and she has never complained to me. We've been together going on two years and 9 months of that was a pregnancy.. so we are just getting started!


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## nader (May 4, 2011)

Ok, so yeah, I'm definitely getting the G-spot and have been all along. She just doesn't call it that!


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## Jadegreen (Apr 4, 2011)

cdm said:


> Thanks for all the responses folks. Unfortunately, I don't know if I'll need 'em any time soon. The wife and I had somewhat of a blowup today about this issue :-(. Probably as much my fault as hers. I'm sure I was expecting too much too fast. I sent her a lengthy email this morning about how we need to communicate better so I can know what she likes and wants/needs, yada yada yada.... Then I got a little pissed at her rather "non-challant", two sentence response to my two paragraph, sincere, and very tuff to send, email... but i just feel like if she's willing to hurt my feelings by telling me that I am not the best shes ever had, then the least she should do is be a little more responsive when I make an honest (And somewhat embarrasing) effort to change things for her benifit... Sucks right about now...


Hello CMD - I find this is all a bit interesting. Why did you focus on her G-spot? I have to admit that my current partner (husband of many years) is not my best lover and rates among the bottom 25%. I would not say this to him EVER but if he asked me straight out if he was the best I would not lie, either. You can thank her that she does not lie. I'd say something like "I have fun with you honey and that's what counts". But then you would never know, would you? Her comment has given you a great opportunity to open the communication lines. Just go gently!

If my husband was ambitious to rate better, I would expect him to ask why he isn't the best or ask how he could please me more etc. I'd probably focus on what I really like. I don't think he has ever asked me, actually and I wonder if you asked her. Or did you just jump to the conclusion that she needed more orgasms?

I ask because what I really don't like is an attempt at performance or trying to get me to orgasm, which my husband tries when he wants me to have better sex. first of all, the O is not the pinnacle of it for me and I don't like being "worked on". Second, when I call something "the best" it comes with an O or 2 or 3, but having an O or 2 or 3 is not enough to make it the best. do you know what I mean? The best is when it is physically great, but also connection-wise great. So what would be great for me would be cuddling and talking and exploring and touching and rocking and yowling - all together - all of it, for 2 or 3 hours! If we worked on stuff, then maybe over time, some surprising tricks might result in mind-blowing sex frequently, but meanwhile, I might say that we are having great sex because we are really into each other, even if I don't O every time or its not the best I can ever remember. 

So, maybe take this moment as a moment to improve communication about sex. Including realizing that your ego is pretty tender around this (are all guys egos like this?). You are taking this very personally - which is great in terms of motivation, but maybe is too personal. 

and, by the way, I would not recommend sending such a sensitive topic by e-mail again. Good grief. Go buy a dozen red roses and tell her you are sorry for sending such a sensitive question by e-mail. it's not her fault she couldn't tell that your heart was on your sleeve. E-mail is terrible for communicating such things. 

It seems to me that you need to tell her that you got some hurt feelings around this and you want to be her best lover or at least to know that she likes making love to you. Ask her if she can give you three compliments about the things you do that she loves best - use that wording, so that it is not a comparison. Ask her to show you one thing you don't do that she does really love and that she might love you to do. and if it is giving a back rub, just really do it even if you want the answer to be a G-spot orgasm.

hmm. I'll stop.


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## mary35 (Jul 18, 2010)

Yeah - what she said!!!

Jadegreen - You said it perfectly! Really good advice. Cdm - listen to Jadegreen!!!!


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## Rob774 (Sep 27, 2010)

I came here thinking... well atleast i know my wife is getting G-Spot orgasm when we have sex.She's able to come mainly from missionary and when she's on top, but never from behind. So i asked her after reading these threads... "Dear, How come you never come from doggy, when i should be hitting your spot directly?" Well, she informed me that she isn't coming from her spot... she was coming from the indirect friction of of my bumping her clitoris. Who da thunk it. So if anything else, this makes me more interested in attacking her spot. Yes, i've found it, yes it feels like apricot seed, in regards to the texture. Has she ever come from direct stimlation from it... no. And trust me, i've rubbed, stroked this sucker to death... it feels good yes... but no comming or showing me with ejaculate has ever happened. 

So i've got work to do.


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