# My very sad story



## shame_on_me (Oct 16, 2011)

I decided to separate from my wife last Thursday.

We have had a very very strange and dyfuntional
family.

My wife was abusive both physically and verbally.

I finally had enough and told her that I could not
stay in a relationship with someone who could
not controll their anger. She promised to change
and she was sorry and all the bull abusers use.
Then last Thursday it happened again and I just
decided I have had enough. 

I can't belive I let my self get into
this situation as bad as it was for as long as I did.
I now see how bad this really was. I feel happy now
that i finally woke up, but I feel stupid for letting
this woman have so much controll in my life.

Men can and are abused by their wives.
I was. 

I am rebuilding my family relationships that I let her
destroy. I just feel so stupid for wasting three years
of my life with this woman. I do take my share
of the blame for this. I was a doormat and that is
not me. I am reading no more mr nice guy and it 
feels like it was written for just me.

I am not looking for anybody to say I am right or wrong.
I wish I could try again, but I just can't.

Me being a Nice guy destroyed my marriage. I know a lot
of you will say work on manning up and give her another
try. I just can't. She has hit me at least 4-5 times
in our three year relationship. I never hit her back
or anything just held her down until I could get away
from her. That is why I have the name Shame_on_me.
She hit me once shame on her. When she did it again
and I did not leave shame on me.

This is my first post so I am a newbie. I have
been reading the forum for about 2 months.
You guys will never know how much you have helped
to open my eyes. THANK YOU


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

kids?


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## shame_on_me (Oct 16, 2011)

No. not together. I have two boys from my first marriage,
and she has two kids from her first marriage.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

has she been abusive to them as well?


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## shame_on_me (Oct 16, 2011)

No she has been wonderful to the kids.

That is another reason this has been so hard
for me.

My boys lost their mother oct 3 2009.

My wife stepped up and helped them
a lot to get through it.

The abuse was just directed toward me.

I think because she would feel bad for mistreating
the kids but she feels justified attacking me because
I made her mad, and I am a man so I should be
able to take it.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

well even if she was good to the kids themselves, the fact that she abused you was damaging to the kids indirectly

glad you are getting out


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## shame_on_me (Oct 16, 2011)

You are correct. I just did not see how much it was
bothering them. After I told my wife to leave the boys
were not sad. They were happy that I was so happy and
just not stressed out anymore. This was our first weekend
alone in a long long time. Both of my boys told me last
night it was the best weekend they have had in a long
time. That made me feel good but also bad for being so blind.

At least I feel like I finally got IT, and I am not worried someone is gonna be mad when I get home.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

did you ever get the chance to document the abuse? call the police after it happened, etc?


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

btw- get some IC

being abused and feeling trapped in a relationship with an abuser is not directly related to gender nor should you consider yourself unmasculine because of it.

IOW don't beat yourself up over it, she already did plenty of that


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## shame_on_me (Oct 16, 2011)

The things I do for love it is just amazing how far
off track I had gotten.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

You got into a pattern, you loved and got none back, only abuse, so you kept on loving hoping it would work. It's the classic pattern of a co-dependent and enabler. You should start looking that stuff up and get some therapy to help you break that behavior (kicking her out is the best step btw). Do it for yourself so you don't end up in the same place again. (it doesnt even have to be physical abuse for you to do the same thing, could be verbal or being with an alcoholic, etc)


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## shame_on_me (Oct 16, 2011)

Yes that is so true. I have always done this to.

I don't know why I take on these projects
only to be upset when things don't go the way
I think they should. I have been doing a lot
wrong. Not saying I deserved the abuse or anything
like that. I just always try to find projects. I have
to figure out why I do this and then figure out how
to stop. I am in no hurry to figure anything out
as far as relationships go. I am just ready to be alone
for a good long while and work on me. Figure out why
I keep falling for the same type of woman, and making
the same mistakes over and over.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

and recognition of that is key, I wish you luck and future happiness


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## shame_on_me (Oct 16, 2011)

Thank You,

Without this board I am sure it would have
taken me a lot longer to get the courage
to make my self happy. so thank you to everyone
who has posted or answered post. You all have
done more for me than any of you will ever know.


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## Why Not Be Happy? (Apr 16, 2010)

congratulations!
has she said much to you or push you to meet, etc. since you got her out?


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## shame_on_me (Oct 16, 2011)

No not yet thank GOD. I know it is coming though.

That is the part I dread. I have a hard time when she
or any woman cries. I am working on myself to not
let her tears bother me. There is no going back ever.

I just have to keep saying that to my self. 

I Know how much happier I am and will not let her get
to me as she has in the past. I will never let her
back into my life ever. This was a very very hard
choice for me, but a required one. For my happiness and 
sanity.


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