# What am I supposed to do?



## IgLou316 (Dec 12, 2012)

We've been married for two years. We have 2 daughters together and she has a son from her first marriage. My wife and I are on the verge of a divorce. She keeps telling me that she could do better without me. I'm to the point were I tell her to go if that's how she really feels. I don't want to be a part time father to my girls, they are the only thing that bring me any type of happiness these days. Here are some of the problems we are having.
My wife doesn't do very much around the house. She says it's because of the pain in her back/legs, but she hasn't really done much even before the pain started. I work nights and during the days I take the kids to and from school, plus any after school activities. I clean the house when I can and sleep very little because of my responsibilities to the house and kids. My wife constantly make obligations to other people and then make me fulfill them for one reason or another. She goes to work and comes home, changes her clothes and sits in front of the tv. She cookes dinner maybe 2 to 3 times a week. My stepson is 6. He gets straight A's at school, but is constantly getting in trouble for his behaviour. I try to disipline him, but I get underminded by her at every turn. He lies and steals from both of us and she does very little if anything to reprimand him. I've said, if you want me to be his father then I must be able to teach him responsibility and consequences. She only wants me to be the "you're doing great, good job son" type of father, but I can't displine him when he does something wrong. She handles the bills because the makes 3 times what I do, but for some reason the bills and mortgage are past due. We bought a house that I didn't like and was too expensive because she loved it. She bought a brand new car that was way over our budget because the "needed" it. These are the only reason I can see us falling behind on our bills, but in the end it's always my fault. It's always my fault in one way or another. She takes no responsibility in any of our problems. To top it off, we've had sex 4 times in 2012 and 6 times in 2011. She has a reason for not having sex everytime I initiate. First it was her being pregnant with our youngest daughter, but with our first, she coudn't keep her hands off of me. Then is was that I was angry about not having sex so she doesn't feel as close to me. Now the reason is her back and legs. I've flat out asked her if she's cheating on me, because I feel if she's not giving it to me, she must be giving it to someone else. She says no, she's just not into it right now. I'm sure there's stuff I've left out, but my mind and heart hurt so I can't really think right now. I'm not looking for sympathy, I just need advise on what to do. I also don't want anyone to think I'm just playing the blame game. I'm not the esiest person to live with. I am bi-polar. I take my meds and try very hard to keep my emotions in check. It's just very hard when I feel that I'm always at fault and all the problems/responsibility fall on me. I love her and have asked that we go to counseling. She's not interested. I just don't know what to do. As I've said, my main concern is my 2 girls. Whether my wife and I stay together, I need for them to be safe and happy. I can't see myself doing well physically or emotionally without them. What do I do? Please help me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Has your wife seen a doctor about her legs and back? 

How much time, in hours, do the two of you spend doing things together? Just the two of you?

Where is the father of her son? Is he around?


----------



## LiamN (Nov 5, 2012)

It sounds like she has moved on from your marriage. If you want her back you have to stop being "needy" in the relationship, which is very unattractive. You will only be able to save things if you start to give her feelings that she wants you - in other words for you to be attractive to her! How could you be attractive to her, besides not being needy? 
Start to show some strength and belief in yourself. 
You also need to work through the issue of separation from your girls. If you feel bad about it it's not going to help the situation. Start to imagine a future without your wife and see what positive spin you can put on it. It's a funny thing with women - they often find they want you a lot more when you let them know that you don't need them.


----------



## IgLou316 (Dec 12, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> Has your wife seen a doctor about her legs and back?
> 
> How much time, in hours, do the two of you spend doing things together? Just the two of you?
> 
> Where is the father of her son? Is he around?


Oh yes, she's seen many DR's and gotten lots of answers. Some good some bad. We don't spend much time alone due to work schedules and 3 kids. When i do take her out or find a sitter so we can be alone, it's just boring for both of us. Like we'd rather be doing something else. As for the ex husband. He's supposed to have my stepson every other weekend. However, the norm lately is to pick him up friday night and drop him back to us sometime saturday. I'm not sure why this is, but I do know it ruins our weekend because now we spend our time and energy dealing with my stepson rather than enjoying ourselves. He really is just horrible, with all the lying and stealing. He's only 6, I don't see this getting better as he gets older.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## IgLou316 (Dec 12, 2012)

LiamN said:


> It sounds like she has moved on from your marriage. If you want her back you have to stop being "needy" in the relationship, which is very unattractive. You will only be able to save things if you start to give her feelings that she wants you - in other words for you to be attractive to her! How could you be attractive to her, besides not being needy?
> Start to show some strength and belief in yourself.
> You also need to work through the issue of separation from your girls. If you feel bad about it it's not going to help the situation. Start to imagine a future without your wife and see what positive spin you can put on it. It's a funny thing with women - they often find they want you a lot more when you let them know that you don't need them.


I'm not needy, nor do I need my wife. She is a want not a need. I can see myself without my wife just fine. I live that reality every day.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ManUp (Nov 25, 2012)

Then start acting like you don't need her. 

Look, you think this is headed for divorce, get out in front of it. Go see a lawyer and start getting your affairs in order, including making custody a priority. 

Don't allow yourself to be voluntold to do things. Stand up to her. Say no. Disengage from her. Start living like she's not there.


----------

