# Decade



## Barth (Aug 9, 2017)

Why do people feel compelled to blow up relationship after about a decade?


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

It seems..

It seems you are drawn to unfinished business. Women with mysterious pasts. Wounded women.
Needy women.

And it seems, being the trusting type, the Knight in Shining Armor type, you have fallen on your sword....now, twice.

It could be you, something in your demeanor, your life-skills presentation, that brings the worst out in women.
Or it could be a combination of those two things, a bad women picker, a need to help women. 

You have plenty of insight into yourself and others, but a reluctance to put it to good service. Maybe doing so after the horse escapes the barn.

You likely give people the benefit of the doubt, on personality quirks, flaws, whatever. You do this to your' 'now' detriment.

No body is perfect. You seem to merge with women who are' too far' from that ideal.
And you may be making a marginal women.....worse with your actions, speech, personality...whatever.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

And this is why marrying a women without living with them for a spell, adds risk to an already risky business.....marriage.  @Diana7 will say otherwise, but she got lucky the second time around.

And while I appreciate luck, it is only a factor....
Only a factor if forces on the 'other' side wish to help you. 
And blasted Fate does not bar the door to happiness.

You make your own Fate.
But you do it with tools given to you by...............Fate.


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## toblerone (Oct 18, 2016)

Hello most of your post was wordy and nothing seemed to tie one thing to another. You have been adding many flowery descriptors that I don't know if your intent is to vomit words or you're making allusions.

For instance, it was not clear enough how all the previous paragraphs tie to your question.


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## Barth (Aug 9, 2017)

toblerone said:


> hello most of your post was wordy


corrected


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## Barth (Aug 9, 2017)

> It could be you, something in your demeanor, your life-skills presentation, that brings the worst out in women.

thanks for your deep insights


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## Laurentium (May 21, 2017)

Barth said:


> Regardless, blurting out, "why do women go crazy" would seem - insufficient and counter produtive.


Or, indeed, "_Why do I not notice their craziness in the beginning?_"


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

What caused you to "fetch" a woman who didn't show up to your wedding?

It didn't occur to you that she didn't want to marry you? You can't force someone to love or want you.

Sometimes relationships just run their course and you have to move on. 

You strike me as needy.....perhaps that's causing you trouble? Neediness is unattractive.


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## Barth (Aug 9, 2017)

Laurentium said:


> Or, indeed, "_Why do I not notice their craziness in the beginning?_"


Perhaps you would advocate that it is better to leave the broken ones in the snow.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Who's crazier? Her, for being crazy, or you, for sticking around so long?


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## Barth (Aug 9, 2017)

> Who's crazier? Her, for being crazy, or you, for sticking around so long?


I am a flawed creature, respectful of the teaching of the church, patient, kind, generous and so forth. I had a misspent youth, faith and constancy were cornerstones of life. What a waste...


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## Barth (Aug 9, 2017)

One might note that the OP was asking about why people feel compelled to blow up relationships after about a decade and the responses so far appear to be attacks on me for perceived or imagined issues.


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## sandcastle (Sep 5, 2014)

1) you hooked up with a gal that got a remodel and dumped you
2) you are old and fat but have plenty of women who are interested.

The distant past is way too complicated and probably a distraction for you in regards to your future.

As in- next, moving on and in reality no one gives a **** except you.

If I got that right- just date.

Super simple.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Barth said:


> Perhaps there is something in my speaking style or demeanor that contributes to the chaos.
> 
> Some years ago I noticed similar venomous responses to online posts. In several cases all contact was online and there was no personally identifying information. Making the effort meet and get to know the individuals. In total three led to meeting and they admitted that they were angry and projecting their issues onto my posts. Of the three cases, all became friends and advocates of mine...
> 
> ...


Barth...
You are not Bard.

But you do OK, in this respect.

On vomiting out words, LOL.

Do not eat before typing......I dare not.
And I am a clumsy Bard.

In kickback, in rejoinder, most here..Bard the door, Katie!
I pull their chain, they lopped an inch off my tongue. This happened. One admin. did this to me.
They either 'like ya' or they a-don' lak' ya' "

I work em'
Work them up.
A few down.


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## sandcastle (Sep 5, 2014)

SunCMars said:


> Barth...
> You are not Bard.
> 
> But you do OK, .


I was waiting for this!


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## Laurentium (May 21, 2017)

Barth said:


> One might note that the OP was asking about why people feel compelled to blow up relationships after about a decade and the responses so far appear to be attacks on me for perceived or imagined issues.


Yeah, we never feel compelled to limit ourselves to the question asked, especially if it's an abstract one, rather than a personal one. 

If you describe a somewhat troubled history, and people say "maybe you have some issues", that's not an attack.


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## watergalaxy (Nov 7, 2017)

i fail to see how this man is "vomiting" words. quite eloquently written, sans the spelling errors. a fresh change from the casual filth that is written daily all over the web.


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## Barth (Aug 9, 2017)

WOW, that is all really harsh...

And as for my many flaws, patience, kindness, constancy, loyalty
- based on the feedback here I should let them all go.

Thanks for your time and consideration.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Barth said:


> corrected


I think you should put your original post back up because it tells us more about you and what it is you are concerned about. If you don't have the words for your original post I could get it back out of the database in re-post it for you.

Don't let one rude poster affect you to the point that you completely re-write and dumb down your post.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Barth said:


> One might note that the OP was asking about why people feel compelled to blow up relationships after about a decade and the responses so far appear to be attacks on me for perceived or imagined issues.


Your original post (OP) did not ask that simple a question. Your posted a detailed story. Now you complain because people are respond to your real original post?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Barth said:


> WOW, that is all really harsh...
> 
> And as for my many flaws, matience, kindness, constancy, loyalty - based on the feedback here I should let them all go.
> 
> Thanks for your time and consideration.


When a person starts posts one thing and then deletes their original post and posts something completely different, it makes people wonder what you are doing.

Perhaps that's a large part of the response you are getting, or not getting.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

It's a well known phenomenon that there is something to what is called the '7 year itch'. Basically humans seem to function in cycles. And at the 7 year mark, a lot of couples seem to experience a lot of problem. It's like they grow apart over time if they are not actively working TOGETHER to keep a healthy marriage/relationship. And by the 7 year mark, the wedge between them is very large.

At the 7 year mark, some wake up and start fixing their marriage. Others just exist together until the wedge gets so big that they break up... or they stay together in misery. 

It's really no big mystery... either work on your relationship or don't work on it. And if you don't, you can expect to reap what you sow.

Get the books "Love Busters" and "His Needs, Her Needs". Read the, do what they say to do. They tell you how to keep a marriage happy and full of passion.

I read your real first post. The woman you talk about is clearly not compatible with you. Incompatibility kills marriages/relationships.


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## Barth (Aug 9, 2017)

Rewriting the original post was in large part to spare the nice folks having to suffer the "vomit".

As a minor technical detail, most people find my prose acceptable and even laudable.

This forum is the first time it was ever described in such vulgar terms as 'vomit'.

The zeal with which the thread attacks someone is - sick.

The refusal to respond to the original and clarified question suggests no interest in being supportive.

Beyond the reference to the '7 year itch', there was no healthy dialog - only a series of contentious and snide comments.

I requested that the post and account be deleted.

The administrators declined to respect that request.


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## thefam (Sep 9, 2014)

Welcome to TAM in all its glory. Not all posters are like the responders on this thread but for your question, sadly I'm afraid youre not going to get much help here. TAM definitely has favorite types of posters and problems, others are either treated rudely, ignored or thread-jacked.

I myself have mostly been treated great here but it saddens me to see how some new posters are treated when they present a certain way, that way not being necessarily bad. Its just some style of posters generate instant TAM hate.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

Barth said:


> Greetings all,
> 
> I have been wondering why people feel compelled to blow up relationship after about a decade.
> 
> ...


I life is composed of a finite number of decades. Hopefully you rectify your "pattern" before you run out.


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