# "I still care about you"



## Media_girl24 (Aug 19, 2012)

That's the parting line I got from my ex-husband this weekend, and it irritates me in ways I can't fully explain.

Backstory... my ex located both his high school and college GF's on Facebook, and started affairs with both of them that resulted in ending both their marriages in addition to ours. When I began to suspect that this was happening, I received repeated denials. He finally up and moved one day, quit his job with no notice, and moved five hours away from our daughter to move straight in to the home of the college gf, which is where he's lived for the past two years. 

His visits with our daughter are somewhat infrequent. Her birthday was this past weekend, and since I knew that her biggest birthday wish was to spend some quality time with her Dad, I invited him to come for the weekend and stay at our house (since having to stay at a hotel is an expense he says he cannot afford.) No, I didn't want him under my roof.... but I wanted to see my daughter happy. It sucks to see her hurt over her father's poor choices every single day. He was very thankful that I allowed him the opportunity, and they had a great weekend together. 

And then when he goes to leave, he hugs me and delivers the, "I still care about you" parting line. WTF?

I'm too bruised and scorn to figure this out. Is that a way of him alleviating his own guilt? To try to convince himself and me that there's still some caring feelings there?

He is dying to be my friend. As I've told him before, my friends don't treat me the same way he did. When I look back at the situation, its not the cheating that bothers me as much as the lying. I asked him repeatedly for months if he was cheating, and he denied it. I filed for divorce based on my suspicions, not on a definite admission that infidelity had happened. 

Just want some unbiased opinions on what this is. My response back to him was, "Really? You sure have a strange way of showing that."


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## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

Ignore him darling girl.

Yes, it's a guilt thing.

Happy birthday to your daughter. 



love and peace


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

He is so full of sh1t it's pouring out of his yapper. Has he used any of these little gems yet?

-you deserve someone better than me

-it hurts me to see you like this

-you're special

Tell him you'll let him know when you're in need of a friend who is: dishonest, unreliable, untrustworthy, and immature. Because he'll be the first one you think of.


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

It's all a way to try and alleviate their guilt and to tell themselves they aren't a bad person really!

My ex was still saying he loved me right up until the point he moved his new girlfriend in. It's all crap, don't believe a word of it

And DON'T say it back!


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

He cared about you but he didn't care FOR you, that is the difference...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## John2012 (Sep 18, 2012)

My STBXW said the exact same thing: She loves someone else but cares for me !!! Just ignore, or just say that "You found the love your life and you also care about him"...move on !!!


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## OrganizedChaos (Jan 23, 2013)

Sounds like his ex-girlfriends are just like him. Wonder why so many are willing to sacrifice someone that actually cares just for the desire to be wanted, which is pretty much what it comes down too. 

He may love what you do for him, how safe he feels when he's around you. But he doesn't love you.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

He's trying to not appear like the total piece of human filth he is.

The correct response is something ranging from 

"Drop dead"

to 

"Really? Please don't, you're not a good person and I really don't like people like you in my life in anyway."


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

My STBXH came for a visit with the kids before the holidays and actually said he "loves me" as he was leaving. I replied that when he says the same thing to multiple different women at the same time, he clearly had no idea what the words mean. He left in a huff, poor baby.


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## John2012 (Sep 18, 2012)

Pluto2 said:


> My STBXH came for a visit with the kids before the holidays and actually said he "loves me" as he was leaving. I replied that when he says the same thing to multiple different women at the same time, he clearly had no idea what the words mean. He left in a huff, poor baby.


I think STBX, takes BS for granted. In one way, it's true. We BS, never had any back-up Plans so we still have some feelings left for WS and that works for WS !!!


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## RWB (Feb 6, 2010)

Media_girl24 said:


> My response back to him was, "Really? You sure have a strange way of showing that."


I think most WS when caught seem to respond with something similar. It's their way of projecting themselves as a loving spouse regardless of the fact that they are a lying cheater... ie Welcome aboard the Crazy Train. 

I night I caught my wife serially cheating for years... I got an ear-full it.

"I still care about you."
"I never meant to hurt you."
"I never meant anything to me."

And my personal favorite... "I never stopped loving you."


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## C-man (Oct 23, 2012)

Media_girl24 said:


> And then when he goes to leave, he hugs me and delivers the, "I still care about you" parting line. WTF?



WS's say stuff like this because of their out-sized ego's, narcissistic personalities and hyper-selfishness. They think it will make the betrayed spouse feel better that they can throw out crumbs like "still caring about you".

Next time he says this respond with "well I no longer care about you. So thanks for nothing."


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## John2012 (Sep 18, 2012)

Cedarman said:


> WS's say stuff like this because of their out-sized ego's, narcissistic personalities and hyper-selfishness. They think it will make the betrayed spouse feel better that they can throw out crumbs like "still caring about you".
> 
> Next time he says this respond with "well I no longer care about you. So thanks for nothing."


I told my STBXW that "I don't have any feelings for you". For which she responded by saying, we'll get the feelings back if we spend time together?? I don't know what to say?? She had all the time while in affair...


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## C-man (Oct 23, 2012)

Media_girl24 said:


> He is dying to be my friend. As I've told him before, my friends don't treat me the same way he did. When I look back at the situation, its not the cheating that bothers me as much as the lying. I asked him repeatedly for months if he was cheating, and he denied it. I filed for divorce based on my suspicions, not on a definite admission that infidelity had happened.



Exactly the correct feeling. It's amazing how cheating liars will still think you would want to be friends with them. The delusions of the fog are astounding.


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## MovingAhead (Dec 27, 2012)

When my EX moved out, it was the end for me. I told her I didn't want to chat and I sure as hell was not going to be friends with her. I don't look at her. I don't talk to her. My friends are friends. She is not a friend. She is the mother of my children, but my gf is more of a mom to them than she is.

Don't let stupid people ruing your day. He is an ass. You let him hug you... Don't. Tell him GTFO. Thanks for coming and You are really doing a great job sucking at life.


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## Nsweet (Mar 3, 2012)

LOL, sorry I just had to bump this thread with a simple comical explanation for this common line. 

"I still care about you." - Gee, thanks for the ego boost!
"I was worried about you" - If you were that worried you'd be with me. 
"I wanted to make sure you were ok." - I was better off before I met you.
"I still care about you" - You got a funny way of showing it. 
*Yeah I heard all of these from my now ex wife. 

*All of these are like your spouse saying "PLEASE DON'T ABANDON ME!!!!!!!!!". *

It's not what they say that makes a difference it's how they respond the moment you tell them you're still committed to your relationship. I guarantee you're only going to see less and less of them after you show them love and acceptance when they come to you crying during their affair. 

You want to avoid the "I love you" dance? Then take a lesson from the bad boys in disfunctional relationships, applied dog training, and countless marriage counselors and STOP GIVING APPROVAL FOR BAD BEHAVIOR. When you hear any of these lines above or your spouse calls you crying out of the blue "just to hear your voice/see if you are ok" REJECT THEM for a little longer.

You need to see how they behave when they feel like they've lost you for good, not just a couple weeks and then "Hey, what's up?". Everything I found on affairs pointed to how the cheater gets his/her needs met from both the affair partner and the spouse at home. Take yourself away for good and it really shakes things up! I mean you're going to hear those line a lot more when you stop responding to needy behavior. 

MG, if you can survive 6-8 weeks without "needing" to contact him or responding in a way that gives him any security that he still own you, you'll do so much better than those who keep reassuring until their loved one is long gone. And life without a disfunctional relationship is so much better. You don't need to ruin your mental health worrying about a husband that wants to return to an ex like a dog returns to dig up a moldy old bone.


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## Kaya62003 (Jan 8, 2013)

Nsweet said:


> LOL, sorry I just had to bump this thread with a simple comical explanation for this common line.
> 
> "I still care about you." - Gee, thanks for the ego boost!
> "I was worried about you" - If you were that worried you'd be with me.
> ...


Love and agree with this!!!!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Tryingtobreath (Jan 2, 2013)

After her 2 year affair I got "I have always always loved and cared for you". 

Laughable.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Nsweet (Mar 3, 2012)

Yeah that sounds about right on track with the *Cheater's Layment* - Any seemingly guilt riden expression after having been caught which allows them to escape responsiblity for cheating and make themselves out to be the victim. "I didn't want to hurt you like this". Gee doesn't that sound a lot like what child molesters say in court "I was only trying to help teach those little kids". 

Just a heads up guys! Whether you're in the thick of it or your cheating spouse is long gone, you can guarantee anything you hear from their side of the story now or in the future is going to be about how they were Mr/Mrs Wonderful and you ruined a good marriage. Don't take it to heart, they will say the same things about their next victim too. 
In my book, if you are through beating yourself up for not living up to their criticisms and you're here to learn how to be a better husband/wife, and you haven't slashed their tires by now, you're a good person. I know it takes a lot out of you doing the 180 and turning the other cheek to the onslought of emotional abuse, but it's all worth it eventually. 

You wanna know the two greatest things I ever said to my ex wife during her affair and the divorce. 
"Enjoy YOUR divorce!", and "I can't wait to be single again":rofl: I said the former to her whenever she acted like she could bully me around, and the latter to get some space from her when she was little miss clingy hanging on me and making excuses to talk to her bf. Everyone get's ballsy in divorce I guess.


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## doc_martin (Oct 19, 2012)

The last few weeks we were together, before she knew that I knew her A was still going on, she was giving me the "you deserve to be happy", "I just want you to find that spark again", and "I just need some clarity, and being in the same house just isn't letting that happen"

Once I blew the lid off of her continued affair, all I heard was "you're SICK!" And "I fbcking hate you!" Nothing about how I deserved love or anything... LOL!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SaltInWound (Jan 2, 2013)

Tryingtobreath said:


> After her 2 year affair I got "I have always always loved and cared for you".
> 
> Laughable.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You think that is bad? After 22 years together and no discovery of an affair, I got "I don't love you and haven't loved you for a long time." I was speechless.


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## stopandmakecoffee (Jan 2, 2013)

RWB said:


> It's their way of projecting themselves as a loving spouse regardless of the fact that they are a lying cheater...
> 
> "I still care about you."
> "I never meant to hurt you."
> ...


even it was painful -still is, this thread makes me laugh, hysterically. im sorry you're in this position, RWB, but im also on the same boat, and received the exact same words, exact same deeds.
'I still care about you', but when i need him the most [unrelated to marriage, just work stuff], he doesn't give a cr4p.

liar with guilt, nothing is good from them.


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## highwood (Jan 12, 2012)

Yes, I got the line as well back on DD#1....and sadly I remember being grateful to hear that.


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## highwood (Jan 12, 2012)

Cedarman said:


> Exactly the correct feeling. It's amazing how cheating liars will still think you would want to be friends with them. The delusions of the fog are astounding.


I agree! I remember my H being astounded at how vengeful and angry I was towards his EA....it still pisses me off that he made a comment to me about how vengeful I was being in my emails to his EA...like I was supposed to be all nice and friendly to her. What an idiot!


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## Miss Taken (Aug 18, 2012)

"I will always be there for you." Like how you were there for me when I was pregnant and you cheated?

"You're worth your weight in gold." No comment about how much I weigh but considering how he treated me, I guess gold isn't that valuable.

"I'll do anything you need me to, to support you and the kids." How about not cheating and working with me to provide our kids with a stable, loving family environment, no? I guess that was too much.


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## Nsweet (Mar 3, 2012)

I think what's even worse is *"See, I knew you would find someone else".* Really? This from the cheating wife who spied on me out the front window because she thought I would make out with her big fat gay cousin after coming home from Blockbuster. That's something I heard from another jealously possessive ex and it really means "Damn, I knew I couldn't keep toying with him before someone else got him".:rofl:

"I'm scared of you!". I can see why! You're cheating on a man who left a career in the military to be with you and he might be pretty pissed to find out. More likely she was scared because she needed to fabricate me being the bad guy so she didn't have to feel bad about cheating. If you're so scared of me and you say I'm controlling then why are you always following me around and complaining I don't listen to your pity-me stories(during the divorce and her affair). If I was so terrible I wouldn't have put up with her for as long as I did and would have just left like her dad did. 

Or how about this golden nugget..... "You made me do things(sexually) I never wanted to do with you!" - This from my ex wife when she was trying to charge me with rape, and when she told the MC and her family she was scared of me. If I wanted sex that badly then I'd pay for it, but sex with her like hostage negotiation. I had to fulfill a list of demands and buy time before I'd even get so much as a kiss..... not worth it! I think what she meant to say was "I want to rewrite my history with you to make it sould like you were a bad guy and I was always the joyless victim". Thank God I didn't have kids with her!

Anyone ever hear "I will never forgive you!" from your cheating spouse? Yeah, I don't think you're in any position to be calling the shots after cheating and abandoning your family the way you have.


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