# Newly Married and Talking Quits



## K.F (May 16, 2021)

*I truly believe my Husband is depressed along with an other personal issue I cant post and instead of getting the support he needs to reach out for help we have arguments. And I believe I am getting sad as well, to the point that I dont want to work tomorrow and just stay home or find aomrthing else to do that is positive.
He calls me names and then states that he doest not know why he does this.
We agree that we both cant stand arguing and fighting yet we still get into arguments with smart comments coming from us both.
It seems to be a huge concern with Severe conflicts amd communication barriers.
When he is really tired,instead of resting, he complains and puts me down for what im not doing right and he has already talked about annulment three times already, and at this point I just gave him back his ring an hour ago since supoosedly I'm slow and I cant figure it.
Anyhow, we have been together for 3 years some off and on- then been married since April 26th of this year. And honestly apart of me regrets it.
I am wanting to work this out along with stay in good courage and faith to help us both out yet I need advice on how to fix this or not.
I just want peace with him and if it is best to walk away then I will. 
If he isnt happy or not willing for us to come together to make some progress than what is the reason to keep trying then?
Every conversation leads to an argument and He said he will leave when I get the annulment papers, a bunch of confusion and games that are severely stressful. I feel so alone and confused today with all this and I dont knwo what I should to help my marriage ir myself.
Please help with advice and I will be truly thankful
Goodnote is that we are committed to one another and our initmacy and spirtual areas are our strength so I am thankful for that, Just not feeling to sexual lately.
And yes I do know that It takes two to make this work.
Im willing to learn to do my part.
Thank you*


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## Luckylucky (Dec 11, 2020)

So he is the one mentioning annulment, but then he says that he will leave when YOU get the annulment papers? Why doesn’t he get the papers??? 

I’m puzzled by the amount of posts and situations where cheaters or unhappy spouses threaten divorce, but expect the other spouse to actually get the papers going? 

Back to the topic, if you’re both Making smart remarks and arguing, let’s face it, one person has to go first to back down. 

So maybe try during your arguments to stop making the smart comments in response. A good way to do this is to make a lengthy pause when your spouse says something nasty. Then you lower your tone and calmly, gently ask them why they said that, in a non-accusatory tone? 

The lengthy pause serves two purposes - it stops you reacting and firing back something even worse to defend yourself, and also gives the person hurling nasty words a silence so they can hear their own words. It basically stops things from escalating and teaches the other party that this is not going to turn into a fight and that there’s an opportunity to speak properly to get themselves heard. It takes practice! Always pause when verbal attacks get messy. Count in your head if you need to while you give your body and tongue a chance to soften. Your partner will notice and hopefully stop the yelling.


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## K.F (May 16, 2021)

Yes, I am confused with that as well, so I suppose if he brings it up again I will have to make peace and allow what he wants.
I will practice backing off and then put into action the "moment of silence" so we can both take a breather and be kind.
Thank you and greatly apprecaited I will surely try this.


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