# When is it Ok to see other people?



## crazyconfused (Nov 23, 2011)

Question for you all...when is it ok to start seeing other people. do you have to wait until the divorce is final? does it matter if your just seperated and no chance of reconcilliation. just a question i have been pondering. i have been asked out on dates by a couple of different women who know my situation (which i declined,) but it brought up a good point...when is it ok to start dating again. just to reiterate, no chance of reconcilliation. at least not on my end.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

legally, emotionally or morally?


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## Lovebug501 (Aug 30, 2011)

When the divorce is final... and really, you should probably wait several months afterwards before jumping into a new relationship - it takes a while to get over a LT relationship... do you really want to take all that baggage into a new relationship?


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## crazyconfused (Nov 23, 2011)

all of the above...

i would imagine legaly once you have a seperation agreement. 

emotionaly, when your ready

morally, ???


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## crazyconfused (Nov 23, 2011)

sorry twofaces, don't think so....LOL


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## crazyconfused (Nov 23, 2011)

promise goofball  and i am not neccessarily talking about getting into a fullblown relationship per say, just going out on dates i guess...and i compleltely agree with you lovebug...you gotta deal with your baggage first... like i said, after getting asked out by a couple of different women, it just got me thinking. i imagine there are lots of people out there who say "not until the divorce is final", just wondering why you say that. especialy if the marriage is dead...divorce proceedings can take a while...not knocking your advice or opinion, just asking you to expand upon your reasoning..


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

There is going out, and then there is being out with someone and enjoying the time out.

Too soon to date, but if you've filed, and she's move to another state, then heck - talking with someone at dinner and drinks isn't unreasonable. No - playtime however until later.(sorry)


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

morally if you are set on D then whenever you wish (excepting religious morals, check with your religious leader)

emotionally is when you are ready to have a good time with someone to honestly get to know them and realize not to dump your whole marriage history onto them, compare them to your wife, or feel like you just have to be with someone

legally- depends on the state


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## Walt (Jul 17, 2011)

Assuming no chance of R:

Date when you are ready. If you are ready before the legal process is finished, I think you should go for it.

However, just like the others stated, you should avoid any LTR.

Have fun. Live life. Enjoy yourself.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

When you feel you are ready to. 

I personally think dating before a divorce is finalized is bunk cause you're "still married." And not just that but I think it's in poor taste and also just an all around bad decision to go from the freaking arson of a fire to another little fire. What's the point?

I have never and will never understand people who are separated and/or freshly divorced who start dating immediately.

They are so alien to me. 

If you feel you are totally done with your marriag eand completely moved on 120% from your wife, then have it. Just don't expect to meet your next great love. 

Also, be wary of anyone who'd be into dating you while you're still married... that says a lot about them, I think.

Not that they are evil, but... someone who would wbe willing to do that is willing to deal with the madness of a divorce/separation and all the drama that goes with that... it just... is nuts, IMO.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

A date is what you and the other person make it. If you have strict boundaries that prevent you from crossing the line, then dating is not going to be the danger that it would be for another much more vulnerable person.

If you knew that this would be your last day on Earth, would you'd be worrying about your diet?


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## crazyconfused (Nov 23, 2011)

Oh no, i got it...i was laughing along with you...hence the goofball


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## OOE (Mar 17, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> I personally think dating before a divorce is finalized is bunk cause you're "still married." And not just that but I think it's in poor taste and also just an all around bad decision to go from the freaking arson of a fire to another little fire. What's the point?


There was a little over a year between my DDay #1 and DDay #2. I was ready to walk away during that entire time. 

We were separated for over a year when I filed.

She drug her feet with the D papers and required filings. Due to the SLOW courts here and the required delays between filings to giver her the required window to respond to each (motions to compel, motions for contempt, motion for default), the D took well over a year from the date of initial filing until it was final (and we still had to have ONE MORE HEARING to resolve a final issue after the judge had signed the decree - he didn't want to hold it up any longer for that issue).

Not every situation is the same.

I considered myself divorced from the time I filed. Everything else was simply paperwork. I didn't heave a huge sigh of relief once the document was signed by the judge. So much time had passed that it was just a piece of paper.

I met someone while the case was in court. Sure, the still-pending D added a little drama, but I also got to see how she handles difficult situations (and she handled it very well).


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

I don`t buy into the "Wait until the divorce is final" theory.

Hell, in some places a divorce can`t be finalized for a year or more.

I also don`t understand why my relationship with anyone should be determined by a government sanctioned document.

If my wife and I decide for whatever reason our relationship is over then that`s when I`m a free man.

Date when you want to.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

morituri said:


> .
> 
> If you knew that this would be your last day on Earth, would you'd be worrying about your diet?


Oh HELL no! LOL. I'd be at a Churassqueria eating up lots of meat and cheese!  



OOE said:


> There was a little over a year between my DDay #1 and DDay #2. I was ready to walk away during that entire time.
> 
> We were separated for over a year when I filed.
> 
> Not every situation is the same.


True. And it sounds like you have already made up your mind so as the song says, DO'WHAT'CHA'LIKE


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## speakingforsomemen (Dec 12, 2011)

before your heart stops beating obviously.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Maybe it comes down to how much of your life you are willing to give to the other person.

You get say, between 30-50 years of active dating in your life. How many of them is your SO deserving of?

If they have really gone out and left - no hope of R, totally nasty - then I say the moment you file, you are free.


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## Badblood (Oct 27, 2011)

I'm going to take a dissenting view, here. If you and your SO aren't together , for any legitimate reason (pending divorce, legal separation, one or the other has left the home, etc) then a dinner date, lunch date or entertainment date (movie, show, etc) are all perfectly acceptible, if you are absolutely honest with the person you are going out with, about your marriage/relationship. You are an adult, and are supposedly able to control yourself, so I see no reason why you can't enjoy the company of opposite sex friends, just the same as same sex friends. A positive social life is very good for your mental state, and self-confidence. But always be HONEST.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> Oh HELL no! LOL. I'd be at a Churassqueria eating up lots of meat and cheese!
> 
> 
> 
> True. And it sounds like you have already made up your mind so as the song says, DO'WHAT'CHA'LIKE


Look closely in to my gif Jelly. Your body is relaxed, your eyes are getting heavy. You are a happy, vibrant, young woman in love with life. Men are attracted to you in droves. You date but do not allow any man to play with your emotions. Men respect you. You love to date.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

wtf?

out of nowhere I suddenly feel like a happy, vibrant, young woman in love with life. My male coworkers are leering at me but I will refuse to let them toy with my emotions. I would love to date them tho.


very weird


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Almostrecovered said:


> wtf?
> 
> out of nowhere I suddenly feel like a happy, vibrant, young woman in love with life. My male coworkers are leering at me but I will refuse to let them toy with my emotions. I would love to date them tho.
> 
> ...


Your wife will have a shock with your new 'look' :rofl:


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Hi, My name is jelly. I am a happy, vibrant young woman in love with life. Nice to meet you all.

Edit: I love to date


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

warlock07 said:


> Hi, My name is jelly. I am a happy, vibrant young woman in love with life. Nice to meet you all.


what a wonderful coincidence I am also named Jelly and feel exactly the same way you do! We should be best friends!


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Will the real Jelly please stand up - be careful not to twist your ankle wearing them high heels.


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## Hoosier (May 17, 2011)

Before I went out to coffee for my first time, following Dday, I talked with my xwife, asked her to let me out of my vow to her, which she did. I figured even tho divorce was not final, she is the person I gave my vow to, if she said ok, then ok... for the record she said "Have at it K!" I would have wished she was not so enthusiastic.......


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

(I think Hoosier wants to date me because he respects me and finds me attractive, but I will not let him to play with my emotions)


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Hoosier said:


> Before I went out to coffee for my first time, following Dday, I talked with my xwife, asked her to let me out of my vow to her, which she did. I figured even tho divorce was not final, she is the person I gave my vow to, if she said ok, then ok... for the record she said "Have at it K!" I would have wished she was not so enthusiastic.......


Wouldn't it be ironic if once you are in a committed relationship with another woman, that your ex-wife remembers those same words and regrets them (I have little faith that her relationship with the OM will be a happy and long one).


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Almostrecovered said:


> wtf?
> 
> out of nowhere I suddenly feel like a happy, vibrant, young woman in love with life. My male coworkers are leering at me but I will refuse to let them toy with my emotions. I would love to date them tho.
> 
> ...





warlock07 said:


> Hi, My name is jelly. I am a happy, vibrant young woman in love with life. Nice to meet you all.
> 
> Edit: I love to date





Almostrecovered said:


> what a wonderful coincidence I am also named Jelly and feel exactly the same way you do! We should be best friends!





morituri said:


> Will the real Jelly please stand up - be careful not to twist your ankle wearing them high heels.


I'm here! Raises hand! 

OMG you guys are cracking me up!!! Ok so wait... if I stare long enough at the swirly swirls I might just... go on a date some day..........! :smthumbup:

I swear to you guys though, I am not anti-love or anti-relationships. I just seriously am not ready for dating at all. I am STILL licking my wounds. I will say this though: I saw a hottie yesterday and felt a little spark when he smiled at me. 

Oooh la la.

Of course I was at lunch and that doesn't count. Haha. See so at least I am noticing the opposite sex now instead of wanting to hide from them all.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

morituri said:


> Look closely in to my gif Jelly. Your body is relaxed, your eyes are getting heavy. You are a happy, vibrant, young woman in love with life. Men are attracted to you in droves. You date but do not allow any man to play with your emotions. Men respect you. You love to date.


Love this!!!


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## TCx (Dec 15, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> but... someone who would wbe willing to do that is willing to deal with the madness of a divorce/separation and all the drama that goes with that... it just... is nuts, IMO.


... unless the don't know what they're getting themselves into.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

I started seeing someone shortly after separating from my wife. I think it was likely a mistake to do that, although we're still together and enjoying each others company. Both of us are very aware of where the other person is at and we're trying to realistic about our futures. So far, so good.

We have a mandatory one year separation period, btw. I don't have any religious affiliation, so that's not an issue for me. And we filed for legal separation the day we could (90 days of separation), so we've done what we can. Ther has also been literally not one word of reconciling since I told her I wanted out over a year ago. By either of us. But with being 44 years old, and living in an intimacy deprived relationship for a number of years already, I had no desire to waste more time. Who knows how many more morning woodies I'll be sprouting? . And yes, I realize that I am committing adultery now, but as I've admitted to here in the past, that ship had sailed before this relationship. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

AR and warlock. I hate to say this but you just don't look good in a dress - neither do I for that matter. :rofl:


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## ing (Mar 26, 2011)

Divorce takes 12-18 months here.

i met someone quiet early into the separation but if anyone remembers my story my stbxw [ March is D] was pretty adamant that i was highly disposable after 25 years. Guess I passed my use by date.

I have been seeing the same woman since the End of May and it has been fantastic. Yes i have baggage. So does she.
One of the things I had not counted on was that us both having kids, jobs, houses to run and such makes any relationship very difficult.
Typical fortnight..

Week one. 
Both have kids so we do our separate thing. Don't stay over and maybe have dinner with all our kids together once because we don't want to inflict our wishes and desires on them [ feel guilty]

Week two.
No kids so we run this other life where we pretend we are happy and dating. go to concerts, eat donuts in bed.
Then we miss our kids more, because we didn't sign up for part time parent. We signed up to be married. [ we are both BS]
We also feel guilty for enjoying ourselves!

Ex spouses also get pissed because we got what they wanted 
We go out in public
Our kids and they seem to be okay with an evening here and there.
So, they operate text, email and phone disruption. It has got to the point where we can say.. " Had your text from him/her yet?" 11pm Sunday night 
" Can I pick up X from you at 7am?" 

No you fcking can't I am not there! 

I guess I am having a bit of a vent but the sad fact is that this will never change. We will always have to deal with the ex spouse who seems to think that we should be sitting at home pining for them. We are joined to them for life because of the kids and now that their fantasy has collapsed, or is collapsing, they look across and see that we have moved on. 

If you want to have any sort of Relationship with someone you are going to have to tell them about your life. The crap that happens. The feelings that contact brings up and they can't be swept under the carpet because they will always have an effect on you because it effects your kids and that effects you.

Would I do it again? Yes. She is a wonderful human being.


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## Dexter Morgan (Dec 8, 2011)

crazyconfused said:


> all of the above...
> 
> i would imagine legaly once you have a seperation agreement.


There is no legality to when you can see other people. Legally you can see other people while you are married. Why do you think infidelity has no bearing on divorce, marital assets, or custody?




> emotionaly, when your ready
> 
> morally, ???


This is the way I look at it. If you are seperated and are for sure going to get a divorce, and more so if your spouse cheated, I'd say morally you can see someone any damn time you please.

If its because of "irreconcilable differences", then morally, probably best to wait til the divorce is final.

Emotionally? That depends on, well, your emotions.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

Dexter Morgan said:


> There is no legality to when you can see other people. Legally you can see other people while you are married. Why do you think infidelity has no bearing on divorce, marital assets,



Not every state views it that way (7 states consider infidelity) nor does every country
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## beenbetrayed (Oct 11, 2011)

I was thinking about this too, but then I thought my wife obviously didn't wait any time before seeing someone else! Why should I? Lol.

I donno, I feel like as long as you're not looking for anything too serious right away, and you make that clear to the other person, then you probably don't have to wait very long. Unless you're totally just bummed out 247. Then you should probably wait awhile
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Not many folks are going to jump at the chance to start seeing a legally married person. And who can blame them? Many of these 'married' spouses are still holding a torch for their stbx and just might choose to reconcile at the last minute before finalizing their divorce, it happens often you know. The single person takes a big risk having his/her heart broken.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

morituri said:


> Not many folks are going to jump at the chance to start seeing a legally married person. And who can blame them? Many of these 'married' spouses are still holding a torch for their stbx and just might choose to reconcile at the last minute before finalizing their divorce, it happens often you know. The single person takes a big risk having his/her heart broken.


It is true that many people are (rightfully) cautious about seeing a separated person (which is a legal status here), but most dating sites make it very easy to slice and dice your searches. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## oldmittens (Dec 2, 2011)

As far as I'm concerned Emotionally and morally it is up to you to decide when you are ready to date. Some people can hop from one relationship to the next with great ease others need time to regroup it all comes down to when you're ready not when someone else tells you to. As for myself I'm waiting until the divorce is final before I start to date not for any religious or moral reasons it's just I think that's the best way to wrap your head around this new stage of life. If you are someone like myself who is never been with anyone other than his SO then you are very curious to see what's out there but at the same time have a sense that you should wait for one thing to end before you start another. So that's what I'm going to do but that's my situation and every person is different best of luck you'll find the right path.


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## Tover26 (Oct 29, 2011)

Think of it this way... 
1. you're on a date.
2. The date is perfect.
3. S/He is everything you would/could ever want in a perfect everything. 
4. They want what you want and you can see a future together with them.

In that moment, do you want to know that you're still waiting for your divorce to clear? How about... do you want that perfect someone to think you're still on the rebound? 

Take the time to do the divorce. Let it happen. Be alone for a while. Go out on a few casual dates with lots of light and laughter but don't go out again and don't get exclusive. Avoid the... "So you were/were not yet divorced and you went out and had sex with anything that moved until you met me?!"

My opinion, FWIW... let the divorce finish. Do light casual dates, no sex, learn to laugh again and learn how to tell your dv story without pain and sorrow. Get whole so that when you fall in love you can freely choose to be with and give them all of you and recieve all that they are.


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## Badblood (Oct 27, 2011)

morituri said:


> AR and warlock. I hate to say this but you just don't look good in a dress - neither do I for that matter. :rofl:


This looks a lot like my MIL.


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## Berilo (Aug 2, 2011)

tacoma said:


> I don`t buy into the "Wait until the divorce is final" theory.
> 
> Hell, in some places a divorce can`t be finalized for a year or more.
> 
> ...


:iagree:

I agree, as long as you are truly separated from your ex, and are ready to put the past behind you and move forward.

While I am not ready for a heavy relationship at the moment, I really would like to meet a nice, normal, intelligent, positive woman for some dating and socializing (even if platonic).

It is one year since I realized I was living with a monster; six months since I knew I probably had to get out of the marriage; and four months of separation. Papers are being prepared. There is zero chance I would go back.

We were only married for about two years, and no kids, so I don't have the baggage one naturally accumulates in a lengthy relationship. I want to get back into my life.

As long as you feel reasonably level-headed, won't rush into a new commitment on the rebound, I say go for it if you feel like it. If you go out on a few dates and find yourself feeling weird or needing to dish on your ex-spouse, pull back and wait a few months more.

Good luck with it.


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## chattycathy (Aug 19, 2011)

Legally, in most states you are free to date even WHEN married. So dating when seperated isn't a big deal.
Morally, even if the marriage is for sure kaput, why not wait? So what if you have been deprived for years. Be deprived a bit longer until the divorce is final and then go to town.

I would never date a separated man and I am separated myself....I just would not. I wouldn't date anyone who would date me until I am divorced. 

I want quality love. I had enough of shoddy love.


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## SadLovingHusband (Apr 21, 2011)

I have a friend that dated a woman who was separated. She had filed papers, but according to her, in Wisconsin, you have to go to mandatory counseling before the divorce is finalized. She had two kids with her husband, not sure if that made the counseling mandatory or what. Anyway, he dated her for a little over a year, while she was in the process of divorce. It was fairly serious, they talked about long-term plans, had countless weekends away together when she didn't have her kids, and then supposedly one day in counseling, a light bulb went off in her head, and she decided to work it out with her husband. At least that's the story. I'd have a really hard time if I were her husband, knowing she was in a serious, sexual relationship with another man for over a year, and then just take her back. I guess my point is: it's a good idea to wait until the divorce is final (both as the person getting a divorce or someone dating a person getting a divorce), as you never know if they will change their mind and decide to work things out with their spouse.


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## crazyconfused (Nov 23, 2011)

you guys have some wonderful and wide ranging opinions.... and bring up some good points.. i have decided to just live life and what happens, happens. my marriage is over, that is plain to see.. i wish i could just go no contact, but there has to be some for the logistical reasons. although she does contact me randomly for this or that lately, probably because she just broke it off with her boytoy... but i am done. i've been out with my friends and talked to pretty girls, and enjoyed the attention. but as you can read on my posts about me, i am still spending emotional energy on my stbxw, so to me that is a signal that i am not ready for a relationship...but i am not going to keep myself from going out and having a good time, even with members of the opposite sex...


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## committedwife (Dec 12, 2011)

morituri said:


> Not many folks are going to jump at the chance to start seeing a legally married person. And who can blame them? Many of these 'married' spouses are still holding a torch for their stbx and just might choose to reconcile at the last minute before finalizing their divorce, it happens often you know. The single person takes a big risk having his/her heart broken.


I agree with this. I would also wonder about a someone who was comfortable dating a married person.


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## Dexter Morgan (Dec 8, 2011)

Almostrecovered said:


> Not every state views it that way (7 states consider infidelity) nor does every country
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Ok, which states make it illegal to cheat and what is the penalty. Not talking about prenups either.

Trust me, I'd love to move to a state where cheating is illegal. I'd just like to know which states those would be.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

Dexter Morgan said:


> Ok, which states make it illegal to cheat and what is the penalty. Not talking about prenups either.
> 
> Trust me, I'd love to move to a state where cheating is illegal. I'd just like to know which states those would be.


not illegal but assets can be divided differently due to infidelity

I know North Carolina is one


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## Dexter Morgan (Dec 8, 2011)

Almostrecovered said:


> not illegal but assets can be divided differently due to infidelity


So how do they calculate it?

Judge says, "you cheated, you only get 20% of the assets"?

Sorry, but there is no legal way to split marital assets unevenly based on infidelity, unless a prenup is involved.

And even then that deals with assets accumulated BEFORE marriage, which a spouse isn't entitled to anyway.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

Dexter Morgan said:


> So how do they calculate it?
> 
> Judge says, "you cheated, you only get 20% of the assets"?
> 
> ...


the lawyers battle it out, but yes they consider infidelity when it comes to division of assets in those states, and some even have alienation of affection civil suits (but rarely pursued as it is hard to prove and win any sizable award from the jury and expensive to do)


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## Dexter Morgan (Dec 8, 2011)

Almostrecovered said:


> the lawyers battle it out, *but yes they consider infidelity when it comes to division of assets in those states*, and some even have alienation of affection civil suits (but rarely pursued as it is hard to prove and win any sizable award from the jury and expensive to do)


Lawyers can battle it out to get their clients more than they are entitled to in any state. 

All one lawyer would have to do is not agree and get a judge to rule on the splitting of assets, and infidelity will play absolutely no part in the division of said assets.

As to the bolded part, how? Again, attorneys battle it out all the time. But if there is a statute that defines the division of marital assets based on infidelity, please provide a citation.

Yes, alienation of affection laws do exist. But that is to punish the OM/OW, has nothing to do with marital assets. Not only that, its an outdated law that nobody takes seriously.

Having said that I WISH there was a state that had clear statutes on unevenly dividing marital assets in the even of infidelity. I think thats the way it should be.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

we're both only partially right....
Infidelity and Divorce | Family Law Legal Resources


> The party seeking the no fault divorce does not need to prove that the other party violated his or her vows and any allegations of infidelity are irrelevant to the question of whether the couple may be legally divorced. However, the court may consider infidelity as it pertains to specific matters of the divorce settlement, such as:
> · Child Custody: often the question of moral fitness to be a parent arises in divorce cases involving contested child custody. While discreet infidelity may not in and of itself influence child custody arrangements, a parent who is unfaithful and exposes his or her children to the infidelity or who neglects his or her children because of the infidelity may have a difficult time gaining custody of the children in a divorce proceeding absent the other parent’s consent.
> · Division of Marital Property: in equitable distribution states there is an assumption that marital property will be divided equally at the time of divorce. However, if one spouse spent money on gifts, trips, and other expenses related to his or her infidelity then the Court may find that the just and equitable division of the marital property involves providing more of the marital assets to the spouse who did not spend the couple’s money being unfaithful with another person.
> · Alimony: while each state allows couples to obtain a no fault divorce, some of the no fault states have statutes that allow adultery to be considered in determining the alimony. They reconcile this position by reasoning that infidelity is irrelevant to whether the couple can get divorced but may be relevant in determining the specific elements of the divorce settlement such as alimony.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

Legally, in my jurisdiction (all of Canada), the ruling of adultery is simply held as one or both partners having consentual sexual intercourse with someone other than their spouse while not living separate and apart. So to me it seems regardless of any agreements or legal documents, its the actual living arrangements that defines whether sexual intercourse outside the marriage is to be considered adultery. And even if one partner did commit adultery there is practically no teeth to the law anyhow, so legal issue it is pretty much irrelavent, except it may serve to expedite the divorce decree.

Morally, each person has to make their own call. For me, when my W cheated and chose to not work on the marriage I realized it was over, and so the paperwork is really not important to me at all... when I got to the point of taking my ring off I considered myself a free man, meaning from that point on all my decisions were to be made with myself as the first priority and no longer my marriage. That didn't mean free reign to become an a-hole or be disrespectful to anyone... I knew I had to grieve for some time before inviting any new women into my heart, but to me being honest to myself, and thus any woman I would show an interest in, was morally the most important step to my relationship status.

Emotionally, I was cut deep, the crisis lasted a few months but I survived that stage. However I now have permanent scars that I believe will never go away, but like physical scars I am learning to wear my scars proudly. Emotional recovery from separation or divorce is unique to everyone, and I believe like a curve that gradually tapers to some limit.

With these in factors, as well as trying to overcome my own fears and anxieties, I decided to start dating and meeting new people and women, and realize that I am not as whole as I can be but doing the right thing for myself, even though my divorce, or even legal separation, hasn't even been before the courts yet (and personally it doesn't really bother me all that much, though I would prefer to have all that behind me by now - it just takes time)


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## Dexter Morgan (Dec 8, 2011)

Almostrecovered said:


> we're both only partially right....
> Infidelity and Divorce | Family Law Legal Resources





> However, if one spouse spent money on gifts, trips, and other expenses related to his or her infidelity then the Court may find that the just and equitable division of the marital property involves providing more of the marital assets to the spouse who did not spend the couple’s money being unfaithful with another person.


The above is most certainly true. But this isn't really dividing assets unevenly for the sake that one person is a cheater. Half of the money spent on an affair partner's belongs to the betrayed spouse. The cheater doesn't get to spend the BS's part of the money as they see fit.

If the WS didn't spend anything, of substance anyway, on the affair partner, infidelity doesn't have any other bearing on splitting of assets other than what the BS was already entitled to.


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