# Input/Advice Wanted



## RAKO2005 (Jul 1, 2011)

I'm looking for advice I'm so fed up with my husband I'm thinking about separation and then divorce.. My husband and I have been together 6 years married almost 4 years. We have a 1.5 year old and an almost 3yr old I'm a stay at home mom I quit working after our oldest was born my husband has the mind set that because he works everything else is my responsibility and he should not have to do anything else. But truthfully if I went back to work he would not help anymore than he does now. The house work, Raising the children, etc. is left to me. This is his normal routine during the week he gets up in the morning around 7:45am and leaves at 8am to go to work he gets home around 5-5:30pm plays with the kids a few minutes, eats and then between 6:45pm -7pm he get online and plays WOW (World of Warcraft) until midnight or later our youngest child gets up between 5am-6am and I get up with him my husband never does. On weekends my husband will sleep in until 10:30 or 11am while yet again I'm up between 5am-6am I have went into our room many times and woke him up asking him to get up he says ok then goes right back to sleep. He thinks this is OK because he is a heavy sleeper this really makes me angry what 36 year old man with children thinks he can get up when ever he wants. This past Sunday my 19 year old brother who lives in another state had to be taken to the Emergency Room my mom was visiting and wanted me to go to the hospital with her to help calm her down my husband said to go (He later told me it made him mad I went) but when I asked him to take them with him to his nephews birthday party he did not want to so I took the children with me to the hospital while my husband went to the birthday party alone. My husband leaves all the parenting to me and I'm tired of it we talk and yet it does not change we talked again last night he said I'm an excellent mother but a terrible wife meaning I'm not affectionate towards him, and this is true I'm so frustrated with him it does reflect in my actions towards him. My day starts hours before his does and I'm worn out If I want any help from him I have to ask for it he will say our daughter or son needs a bath but does not help me give the kids their baths I do not know if I'm over reacting I feel like I'm a single parent just living with someone and feeling that since I raise them on my own I might as well do it with out having to take care of him too I know children need both parents but he has not bonded with either of our children and I do not want my children growing up thinking that a father as no responsibilities other than just going to work. 

I would appreciate any input


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## Avalon (Jul 5, 2011)

Whoa.... you need to put the brakes on this behavior NOW, before it goes on any longer. Take it from someone who is coming up on 23 years of marriage, and has been doing the "single parent" thing for about 9 years now. My husband does zero with the kids, can barely say a single sentence to them in days. I'm a stay at home mom (work part time, but from home). My husband thinks that since I'm home with the kids, he doesn't need to parent his own children. He expects me to give him a play-by-play of his own children's lives because he's too intent on spending time with his computer to actually have a working relationship with his own children. Since he doesn't participate in the kids' lives at all, I take on more and more responsibility for them. The more I take on, the less he interacts with them. 

It's a vicious cycle, and it only goes in a downward spiral from where you're at right now. Please don't end up like me, ten years down the road resenting your own husband like I do mine. Get help NOW, tell him you want marriage/family counseling. He needs to figure out NOW that one day he'll wake up and realize he is a stranger to his own children. 

My own children (in high school) can't stand being around their father now, they feel totally neglected and rejected by him, and they refuse to talk to him or do anything that involves being around him. Kinda hard to do when you live under the same roof. They've learned that they are definitely not a high priority in his life, this is behavior that he showed to them day after day after day, and once the kids get to the age mine are, I don't know if they'll ever be able to have a decent relationship with their father again. Your kids are young, and there is time for you to get help so that you can all function as a family unit again.


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