# Wife needs space



## Stevethe pirate (Feb 17, 2012)

Here I am first real day after I told my wife if she didnt want to be with me then she should leave. Ok the story. She for the past three months has been very adimate about going out to the clubs and dancing every saturday night and I was not invited. We have three very young children 4,3,2 and she was a stay at home mom.

There was a change where she started walking around all day and night with headphones on listening to music and wouldnt talk about anything that was going on if it wasn't 100% positive in her eyes. You could tell things around the house were not getting done and kids were set in front of tv all day. Which is not who my wife was. 

Then I found out she was going to gay bars to dance and apparently meet other women. That is what was said to me on last Saturday night. She wanted to be in open marriage with another woman. She said she didn't want to be with me after I told her I couldn't do that. From that point on it was like any tiny complaint she ever had was the reason she was leaving. From I don't think you can love me like I need, all this family does is take from me, I need time to myself, Im confused about what I want, and so on. I personally felt these were just things she was telling herself to justify it in her own mind.
Thru all of this she was very straight forward that she didnt want to leave or get a divorce but she didn't want to be with me. She wanted to take the family vehicle and money and go 3 hrs away this weekend to try and find herself. I said okay thinking time away might be just what she needs. But she stayed thru the week until Thursday. 

Having her at the house not wanting to discuss anything, or even try counsoling, was to hard because me being a man I want to talk and fix but she said everything had been said. I told her wednesday that if she didnt want to be with me but needed to find herself she should go asap. So thursday afternoon she left.

She still wanted to take only reliable car we have and go. I told her no way i wasnt going to be at home taking care of kids without reliable transportation. She then wanted to know how much money she could have to go find herself with. I gave her a hundred bucks and took her CC thats a joint one. Wow did that start a fight she really felt like she could use our money to go. 

Before she left she didnt shed a tear saying goodbye to our children. But when she hugged me she broke down and has this whole time told me she loves me but doesn't want me. She tells me shes sorry and thankful for children. Yesterday I had to quit my job because i no longer have a babysitter. And I am in the process of trying to find a babysitter for monday. I have another job regular hours lined up. 

She has decided to go on her trip, with clothes and her guitar to stay at with this new woman she meet at club. The woman is single 23 wife is 29, and in a heavy metal rock band. My wife has a love of music and thinks she is going to be with this woman and join a band. What would possess her to walk away from the kids like this? She says all the four of us do is take and take. 

She has no job, no way to support herself and as far as I know has only met this other woman once before. They have been texting for weeks. I understand the allure of something new and maybe fulfilling a dream but is all hope lost? She wont say she wants a divorce but space and time. This is so outta character for my wife. Her three closets friend called me last night wondering how I was doing. they said she called them all on Saturday trying to get their approval for her to follow her dream instead of support her family. And they all told her to be an adult and raise your family and work on your marriage. She got mad at them when they told her how they felt and then blocked the numbers and unfriended them on facebook. 

I feel she has made up her mind will not change it. She says counseling is a waste of money and wouldn't try it. I told her to leave and find herself. There is no communication besides nightly i love u to children. Is this a Mid life crises or a woman who didn't like being a mom?

Thanks everyone 

Btw isn't funny that women tend to get on and search things before its gets to this point and men always are clueless or care till after. We really are different.


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## daddy2184 (Feb 17, 2012)

I hear you, if you refer to my post my wife is kind of doing the same thing with another woman as well. My wife just turned 30, so I am not sure if she is missing the "Single Life" or just is not sure what she wants, or is going through a crisis. I would go to counseling for your own self if I were you though.


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## hisfac (Feb 10, 2012)

Even if midlife crisis really exists (and that's up for debate), whatever it is people tend to go through in their 40s and 50s doesn't typically include a sudden previously unexpressed desire to have sex with people of the same gender.


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## GreenEyes (Jan 27, 2011)

Wow....I'm sorry that you and your children are going through all of this, I'm at a loss...as a mom I couldn't fathom leaving my kids for any reason, they are my life. Sure we all get tired of the whole mommy thing once in a while and need a night out to be "ourselves", but to just up and leave the children that you brought into this world, that love you and rely on you to care for them to follow some "dream" is crazy to me.

I mean was there any doubt on her end before you had kids about the whole "family thing"? Was there ever an indication that she was Bi, or at least bi-curious?? Some women, and men, don't look at a woman being with another woman as cheating, speaking from personal experience, my H would love it (although that crap ain't happenin!! I got my experimenting out in my younger years lol) 

I think you need to let her go and "find herself" and let it play out how it is meant to play out. If she decides that she isn't happy being away from her family, she wants to come back, and you can accept that and take her back then that would be wonderful, but you're going to have to let her do it on her own.....


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## Stevethe pirate (Feb 17, 2012)

She was raised by a lesbian mother and never knew her father. Her mom had multiple partners while my wife was growing up. My wife said that she had experimented with women before I meet her. We have been married 7 years and together 10. She said she tried it and wasn't into it. My family thinks she just has different expectations of a marriage and relationships cause she has never seen a man and woman together at home. And is basing her knowledge of relationships on women/ women not man/woman. And we all know how different they are.

Cause she is always after me about how I am not emotional enough about my feelings. And that is one of the reasons she gave for wanting to be with someone else.


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## GreenEyes (Jan 27, 2011)

It kinda sounds like you and your family are right on about it. It just sounds like she is in a state of confusion about which side of the fence she is/wants to be on. 

In the event that she does come back and wants to give it another go, would you be able to be more open emotionally for her??? I know it's not easy if you aren't naturally an openly emotional person, but not impossible. I also think you need to make sure that she is sure where it is she wants to be and that she won't up every couple years or so and try to discover herself again because she is not content with how things are.


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## Married in VA (Jan 6, 2012)

Pirate,
Your situation is exactly like mine. My wife was a Christian woman who home schooled our children for almost ten years and went to church every Sunday. That woman is long gone. My wife now drinks 5 nights a week, goes to bars during those drinking days, gets random guys phone numbers, has sex with random guys occasionally, and is an all out alcoholic. What happened you ask? There is no way to know for sure. Ask her what she wants and she will tell you she is confused and doesn't know what she wants. This translates to cake eating. She wants to live here at home secure in my provision while going to bars and getting sexually fulfilled elsewhere. Not a life I want. Letting her go is tough but must be done.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

File file divorce and full custody. She's paying you big timewhile she cheats. Cut offer funding, cut her out period.

Wow what a selfsh awful mother.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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