# Departing wish



## Greenfrog77 (Nov 19, 2018)

My BF and I have been dating for close to two years and have been living together since June 2018. He allegedly filed for a divorce in December 2017, but for various reasons he said he had to withdraw the documents. He assured me he would file in June 2018 after some financial/legal matters had concluded. He also told our counselor he would file for the divorce the next week after he met my therapist (August 2017). He claimed he had not filed as he did not have the $500 he needed to cover his share of the divorce papers. However, he always had money to go gamble at the casinos. He later admitted he just had not filed because he wasn’t going to do things when I asked him, but rather when he felt like it. He says he runs this show and he calls the shots!!!

It is now Feb 2019 and he has failed to file for a divorce and his only excuse for failing to file is “I just haven’t done it. Or I haven’t thought about it!!!” Despite me being what he says is a good woman (I.e. I clean, cook, do laundry, give him amazing sex, take care of him, attend to his every need, and am a professional career woman) he has decided to dump me and move out because I he says I have “anger issues, show him up, belittle him, and disrespect him.” Oh and he also says he is also afraid of me. Might I add this is his opinion and he is entitled to it, but he fails to reflect on his actions towards me and all the positive qualities I possess. Bottom line is he wants me to be perfect!

We previously talked about doing in vitro fertilization so we could have a child together. This conversation occurred when he was still in love with me and I was his “universe and the most important person in he world!” He said that having a child with me would be a dream come true for him, as it would be for me. This procedure would require a large sum of money that I had planned to pay as I had a hysterectomy and cannot bear children. Subsequent to this talk, we had a discussion and he said he was going to leave me because he didn’t see a future by my side. However, when I asked him, he agreed that even if we were not together he would give me a sperm donation with no conditions for such donation. I agreed not to ask for any financial assistance for the child in return. 

Last night after being in non speaking terms due to an argument that occurred on Sunday, he told me he now has a condition for his sperm donation. He wants me to promise him that when he leaves our home and hence our relationship, I will not contact a person that we had an MFM with. I told him he didn’t have to worry about setting conditions for his sperm donation as I had thought about things and I no longer wanted to pay for surrogate parents and raise a child on my own. However, despite me not needing his sperm, he still wants me to make him a promise and honor his wish to not text, call or see this individual whom we had sex once and saw for about two hours a second time. He never has contact with him (text, calls, or face to face) but he now claims that is his boy!! 

I kindly declined his proposal and he is upset. I told him he NEVER honored my wishes to file for a divorce during our almost two years of relationship therefore he had no right to ask me to honor his last wish. Moreover since it was his decision to abandon our relationship, what I do following his departure should not be a concern to him. He claims he’s being fair because he is offering me his sperm for an in vitro that I no longer want and that I should do this for him. He says it is “chicken **** and messed up” because i won’t promise him. He however doesn’t feel it is equally (if not worse) messed up that he could never honor my wishes and abide by HIS promise that he would file for a divorce. Am I wrong for thinking this way???


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## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

You've been involved with a married man who doesn't follow through. His word means nothing.

Do you want to continue this way?


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Look at that, the trash took itself out. COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS!!

And you dont have to listen to or honor one damn thing he wants. He can F all the way off. Just have enough respect for yourself to NEVER let this man back into your life.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

There are only two words that you need to tell him.
The second word is “off”.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

3Xnocharm said:


> Look at that, the trash took itself out. COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS!!
> 
> And you dont have to listen to or honor one damn thing he wants. He can F all the way off. Just have enough respect for yourself to NEVER let this man back into your life.


:iagree:

To the point that I would suggest you cut all ties with this loser. Block his numbers and email addresses so he can't contact you again. Change your own contact information if you need to. Move if you need to. You've already given this guy way more of your time and energy than anyone with healthy self-respect would have. Stop giving him more ego kibbles. Just go dark on him and stay that way.


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## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

Rowan said:


> ego kibbles


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## StarFires (Feb 27, 2018)

Don't worry about anything he says, does, or requests he makes of you. Have self-respect so you make better decisions in the future. Make what you need from your guy a matter of requirement. If a guy tells you he's married, then tell him to call you when he gets his divorce decree and not until. If a guy breaks his promise, you don't wait around for him to keep promising to live up to his promise. You might not have any plans on ever seeing this friend of his again, but you never know if you might run into him one day or if he will call you out of the blue or whatever, but don't do it. Don't make any promise to this guy about it because you don't owe him anything, but don't ever hook up that other down the line no matter what. Going with relatives or friends of your ex is just bad form.


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## StillSearching (Feb 8, 2013)

Look i don't mean to offend you, but if he believes "anger issues, show him up, belittle him, and disrespect him.” to be true, that's probably why never filed. 
No one here will bring this up. 
But as a newly D man.....there are reason's men take their time filing. 
Just be aware of things next time. 
Plus he's married anyway. 
Let him go, work on being the best you can be to find the best you can find.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Greenfrog77 said:


> My BF and I have been dating for close to two years and have been living together since June 2018. He allegedly filed for a divorce in December 2017, but for various reasons he said he had to withdraw the documents. He assured me he would file in June 2018 after some financial/legal matters had concluded. He also told our counselor he would file for the divorce the next week after he met my therapist (August 2017). He claimed he had not filed as he did not have the $500 he needed to cover his share of the divorce papers. However, he always had money to go gamble at the casinos. He later admitted he just had not filed because he wasn’t going to do things when I asked him, but rather when he felt like it. He says he runs this show and he calls the shots!!!
> 
> It is now Feb 2019 and he has failed to file for a divorce and his only excuse for failing to file is “I just haven’t done it. Or I haven’t thought about it!!!” Despite me being what he says is a good woman (I.e. I clean, cook, do laundry, give him amazing sex, take care of him, attend to his every need, and am a professional career woman) he has decided to dump me and move out because I he says I have “anger issues, show him up, belittle him, and disrespect him.” Oh and he also says he is also afraid of me. Might I add this is his opinion and he is entitled to it, but he fails to reflect on his actions towards me and all the positive qualities I possess. Bottom line is he wants me to be perfect!
> 
> ...


Wait after all this you still think it's a good idea to have a child with this guy? 

*STOP!!!!!*

Seriously isn't the lesson here if you see red flags take action? There red flags are planet long. 

Why are you so desperate to have a man's child who wants nothing to do with you? There are hundreds of thousands of men out there. Please just move on, you and your potential kid will have a better life.


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

I would say that his words are empty, and you don’t need to honour any wishes/requests from him, and for him to ask you to do so is beyond crazy. You’re “allowed” to contact or get involved with anyone that you choose to, and there’s really nothing he can do about it. He’s just trying to keep control over you or drive you crazy, and I’d recommend that you don’t give him that power. Also, I know you’ve decided against this already, but just in case you start to change your mind in the future: never, ever, ever take that man’s sperm as a donation, ever. You’ll be tied to him forever, and who knows what kind of legal issues that’ll bring up in the future. Heck, he may sue you for sole custody. So yeah, I’m glad you’re not considering that anymore!


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## StillSearching (Feb 8, 2013)

sokillme said:


> Wait after all this you still think it's a good idea to have a child with this guy?
> 
> *STOP!!!!!*
> 
> ...


and this.
'However, when I asked him, he agreed that even if we were not together he would give me a sperm donation with no conditions for such donation. I agreed not to ask for any financial assistance for the child in return. "
There are real issues here beyond this guy.
OPs 1/2 of the story for me is very questionable.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Just "no".


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## sa58 (Feb 26, 2018)

Now you know why he has to file for divorce.
His wife probably got tired of him also. He probably
is afraid of you because you will not let him control
you. DON'T LET HIM !! Being perfect to him probably 
means doing everything he wants how he wants. He
sounds to me like he needs to grow up and be responsible 
for his actions. Be glad you will not be tied to this loser anymore.

When he departs be sure he takes all of his stuff. No reason
for him to come back then. If you have put up with this for
two years you deserve better than him. He is a loser


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## wilson (Nov 5, 2012)

This seems like way too much drama and conflict for a 2 year relationship. Just walk away and forget about him. The relationship is toxic and the longer you're a part of it, the worse it will be.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

I have no idea why you have stayed with him for this long.


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## zookeeper (Oct 2, 2012)

What's done is done, and I would consider myself lucky to be rid of this fool if I were you.

The more important thing is what you learn from your experience that you can use in the future. First and foremost; DON'T MESS AROUND WITH MARRIED MEN. I'll repeat; DON'T MESS AROUND WITH MARRIED MEN.

Men who are separated, estranged, or "going to get divorced real soon," are all married men. Let him figure out his life before you try to become part of it.


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

I don't understand why you don't stop talking to and listening to this man. :scratchhead:

He has left you, so let him be gone. 

Think of all the other people who are NOT in your life. Do you talk to them? Do you listen to them? Do you let the postman talk to you like this? If the postman did go on a bender and say some of these things, would you listen? 

SMH

Seriously, just stop picking up the phone and block him from email and social media, and carry on with your life any darn way you please. Just accept you aren't getting his sperm and move on.


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

^^^^^^What everyone else said.

I want to add: when the clown and midget show up at your door, tell them the Circus Master is gone, and that they are not welcome on your property any longer.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

That fact that you even stayed with him much less considered a child makes you even more crazy than he is.

Why the hell are you still talking to him anyway?

Your both a nut job.


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## Laurentium (May 21, 2017)

Greenfrog77 said:


> he has decided to dump me and move out because I he says I have “anger issues, show him up, belittle him, and disrespect him.”
> 
> ...However, *when I asked him*, he agreed that even if we were not together he would give me a sperm donation


You asked him for that (at one point)? I have to agree with Mr Married, the whole first post reads crazy on both sides. Even if you've now withdrawn that request. 

I suggest you need to work on yourself and figure out how you allowed yourself to get into the situation you described. Why did you choose, and stay with, such a loser? What's in that for you? I ask because if you don't figure this out, you'll probably find yourself another dud next time.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

sokillme said:


> Wait after all this you still think it's a good idea to have a child with this guy?
> 
> *STOP!!!!!*
> 
> ...


It looks like you stopped reading after the third paragraph. Read the fourth.


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## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

Is the guy he is worried about from your threesome in November, the one that had gotten feelings for you? If so, _had_ you been keeping in contact with him in a way that was that outside of your agreed upon “rules”? If so, he could be angry with you about that, and that may be the *real reason*. 

Tons of conjecture here, but just wondering.

My answer to your question...he should find a lamp for his future wishes.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Blondilocks said:


> It looks like you stopped reading after the third paragraph. Read the fourth.


Three paragraphs talk about still wanting to do it and the last say she doesn't. Why would she have even be considering it at all?


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

sokillme said:


> Three paragraphs talk about still wanting to do it and the last say she doesn't. Why would she have even be considering it at all?


Why did she do any of the crap she did? Ask her.


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## FalCod (Dec 6, 2017)

Wow! Given the choices you made that got you to this point, I can't imagine that anything I could say would help you.


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