# Giving the marriage a chance



## Dancing Nancie (Jul 1, 2008)

My wife and I have been together for 7 years or so. We have had a lot of ups and downs. Mostly downs as of late. I have been seeking to work on solutions to the problems we have, which is mostly communication. 

I have been asking for us to work on these problems for a long time. I have bought books, which I have read, and she has not. I have tried to bypass having arguments by writing our problems in a diary to avoid words of anger. I also thought this would allow us to express our thoughts and feelings without trying to defend our point of view. 

When we argue, we have an attack/defend way of trying to get our point across. Over the last year or so, when we get into heated arguments my wife always throws the divorce card on the table. I am unsure if she really understands how much it hurts to hear those words. At first, I just let it pass as angered words. I have always tried to change her mind, because losing her would be devastating. Now those words ring in my head as I try and sleep. I have always wanted to work on our problems to give our marriage the chance it deserves. I don't feel as though we have given our full attention to trying to make our marriage better for both of us.

A couple of months ago, she told me she needed me to take steps to make our financial situation better for the future. Which I took to heart, and am doing the things necessary to make that part of her life easier. In return I had asked for her to take steps to ensure our emotional future could have just as bright of a future. 

She has just started to look into some things. She found this website last night, and we are going to be posting and checking out what others say. I have found that I can listen easier to a third parties opinion when I am not trying to defend my position, or try and attack her views. 

The bottom line I have is she says she doesn't think things will ever get better. My thought is how are things ever going to get better unless we put in the work to change?


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

Things can and do get better for couples in trouble. That you are working on this forum together I think is a great idea. I hope we can help.


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

I personally think that it is great that the two of you found this site together. I think it can really help if both of you want it too.

I hope this can help you both.

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general-relationship-discussion/1384-communication-thesis.html

draconis


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## Josh (Jul 4, 2008)

Try to bomb your wife with love:
1. Buy her flower
2. Spend time with her - listening to what she has to say.
3. Do small tasks that she usually do around the house.
4. Try to understand her when you are having conversations but really understand her.
5. take her out at least once a week

Change the "it wont get better attitude" she has and you'll see how things will start going back to track.


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