# Together for 10 years, Now Separated



## Accio (Nov 9, 2012)

Here's some back story: My husband and I started dating at 17, got married at 22, and our 5th wedding anniversary "is" this Saturday. Things have been difficult for us for the last 1.5 years. We worked together for 6 years in my family's business up until this past April when he took another job. Our debt had been piling up until earlier this year when we were able to consolidate and were finally making ends meet. Since our marriage troubles started he has gotten more and more depressed. He is not a fan of counseling, but was willing to try it earlier this year, however we only went to 4 sessions. Three weeks ago, he suggested that we try a separation, and said that it was only temporary. I spoke to him this past Monday and he said that he is not at all depressed anymore and is actually happy. He does not have to stress and worry about coming home to awkwardness which has made him feel good (I am at my parents house, and he is living at home). He also said that at this point he doesn't love me, but that may change or may not (he doesn't know yet). I still love him deeply and always have, and I desperately want to have that reciprocated. He said he doesn't hate or resent me, and feels terrible for putting me through this pain. I asked him today if he were seeing someone else, and assured me that he was not, but said, "Considering the situation I put you in, the least I can do is not stand in the way of your future."

I don't know what to do, I am devastated and want him back, but I don't know what, if anything, I can do.


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## BigMac (Oct 29, 2012)

I'm sorry you joined the Planet of the Dumped Spouses . 

Give him the space , 180 , no contact at all an try to avoid him as much as possible. 
Don't beg him to get back to you, won't work and you'll push him away.

Go to gym and read self esteem book, write here too .

Good luck and I hope you'll feel better soon.


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## Accio (Nov 9, 2012)

Last year he dropped from 290 Lbs to 180 Lbs (with diet and exercise). I could definitely stand to lose (quite) a few, and am making those changes now. I am trying to give him space, but I worry that if I do he'll find someone else. He is quite a catch, as he is kind, funny, intelligent and can do absolutely anything. He is a jack of all trades, and master of most. I think my (slightly) low self esteem has driven him away to a certain extent, because he used to encourage me and tell me I was good at this or that, but I would always say thank you, but no I'm not. He has sooo much more confidence in himself since the weight loss, and I want that for me too.


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## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

check his phone/bank records if you can darling.


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## BigMac (Oct 29, 2012)

Oh dear , he can find someone even if you're 24/7 on his back . No way to stop him if he's willing to do that .

Just focus on 180 and your self and see . Don't spy or follow him, that will drive him away and make him hate you.

Gym - is great for get you busy , tired and get out of that negative energy !


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## Accio (Nov 9, 2012)

I am not one to read texts, but I saw an unopened text on his his phone 6 months ago, and freaked out and read the whole conversation. He had befrinded a co-worker from his 2nd job that he had to earn some extra money. He was confiding in her about how depressed he was and that he didn't know why. She was in love with him and told him that he'll never be happy with me and that he should leave me and be with her. He told her that they were only friends and that's all they'll ever be. After I confronted him about it he severed the ties and told her that they could no longer be friends because he would never feel that way about her and he didn't want to jeopardize his marriage further. He says it kills him how much this separation upsetting me, and that he still cares about me very much and never has nor never will want to hurt me. I keep reading about how you have to have minimal/no contact in a situation like this, but have been having a difficult time with that. I need to buckle down and leave him alone. I am so afraid that I'll lose him. I am depressed, angry, having difficulty doing much of anything other than going to work and coming "home" to sleep. I know I'm not helpless, and know I am perfectly able to manage my life without him, but I don't want to be without him. I am also devistated that he is happier now that I'm gone, and feels that he doesn't love me, even though there was a time that he loved me so much.
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## Accio (Nov 9, 2012)

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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