# Any success stories reading "no more nice guy"?



## nirvana (Jul 2, 2012)

I realized that I am a Nice Guy. The book describes pretty accurately. I believe I am giving but never getting.

My question is how many of you men have had success reading the book and achieving happiness? Is the book effective?


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## nirvana (Jul 2, 2012)

Wow... None??


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

I think because that book was written several years ago, most people who read it and improved from it aren't really around anymore.

Having said that, I know lots of guys here have read it, hopefully some will come along.

They have their own forum with guys who have had various levels of success and where they encourage each other:

No More Mr. Nice Guy Online Support Group

You have to register to post but there are a lot of posts and posters.

I liked the book and thought it was great for certain guys.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

nirvana said:


> I realized that I am a Nice Guy. The book describes pretty accurately. I believe I am giving but never getting.
> 
> My question is how many of you men have had success reading the book and achieving happiness? Is the book effective?


* I don't really know if you could in any way refer to it as "a success story" or not, but NMMNG did provide and reorient this old fart with some of its common-sense, greatly to the point that I don't think that I will be "walked on" again in any future relationship endeavors!

There are definitely some "pearls of wisdom" in that book, only if you will read it, digest it, and apply it!

From that standpoint, at least for me, I would be greatly remiss to say that it was not "a success," by changing my way of thinking regarding personal relationships!*


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## Vorlon (Sep 13, 2012)

Hi, 

Former Nice Guy here. Still have to fight certain tendencies. But the truth is it saved me and probably saved my marriage. I read and contribute over on the NMMNG forum. 

Actually it was Faithful Wife that pointed me in that direction over 5-7 years ago. I will forever be grateful to her for that. It is an eye opener and then you realize much of the way you view yourself and the way you think are so out of wack. Why things just haven't worked out like you thought they should no matter how hard you tried. 

Good Luck


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## delupt (Dec 1, 2014)

I found it great in opening my eyes to a behaviour that developed when we started a family. After over a decade of NG and a non-existent relationship I read NMMNG (&MMSL, etc.) and woke up. After 3 years trying to resurrect myself (and hopefully the relationship in parallel), things disintegrated! 

Still, I consider it a success story; divorce is underway, house on the market, appalling relationship coming to a long overdue end. 

Without the NMMNG, etc. I'd still be suffering in silence in the hope she would come around and be pleasant; sadly, the senses of empathy and entitlement cannot exist in the same person at the same time, she chose the latter.


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

It has helped me. Sometimes I have to go back and reread it though.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

OP, I am somewhat confused, based on some of your other thread contributions, that you consider yourself a "Nice Guy" My reading of the book is that it helps men create and develop boundaries in a relationship, primarily for the purpose of increasing their personal self-esteem. Correct me if I'm wrong, but you didn't seem to have issue developing your boundaries, rather you believe you are unappreciated for your efforts. Isn't that really more of a communication issue, than a boundary issue?


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

nirvana said:


> I realized that I am a Nice Guy. The book describes pretty accurately. I believe I am giving but never getting.
> 
> My question is how many of you men have had success reading the book and achieving happiness? *Is the book effective?*


Just reading the book may be eye-opening, but it's not going to transform your life for you. What can be very effective, though, is _doing the work_ that the book suggests. Reading isn't going to fix anything. Working on yourself, making personal changes, just might.


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## thread the needle (May 4, 2015)

I have not read it but know the concepts. They work pretty decent mixed n with your own trial and error to improve on what is there to address the uniqueness of your spouse as an individual. You get in what you put out up to a point and then there is the stuff that just is not going to happen unless the wife wants to help create that awesome marriage we all want to have. 

You can indeed make things better only by addressing your own side of things but at some point 6 months out etc she has to put more into it also for it to be the oh yea marriage.


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## thenub (Oct 3, 2014)

I read NMMNG and MMSLP. I got way more out of MMSLP to be honest. 
For me, NMMNG seemed I bit too (how should I say) clinical. Maybe I'll read it again after I finish MMSLP for the 6th time. 
I would say I am successful in my marriage now. I went from being a doormat roommate to taking charge of my life and taking leadership of the household back. I have concentrated on improving myself to the point I KNOW. I can function on my own without my wife. 
Our sex life now is better even than when we were dating 30 years ago. I'm getting close to being in the same physical shape as well (actually stronger in some ways).
Those are the first two books I read. I have two or three others that I will be reading. 
Just because things are great now, I still want to keep making it better. I don't want complacency to set back in. 
I learned that I have to be all in for anything to really happen. Any Hal a$$ed attempt is just that. My wife would see right through it. She now realizes the changed I have made are for real and that makes a huge difference. 
Since I have been going through all these changes, she has started making changes of her own. All for the better too. 
You can't want success, you have to be it. In your eyes and your wife's.
Ymmv.


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## thread the needle (May 4, 2015)

thenub said:


> I read NMMNG and MMSLP. I got way more out of MMSLP to be honest.
> For me, NMMNG seemed I bit too (how should I say) clinical. Maybe I'll read it again after I finish MMSLP for the 6th time.
> I would say I am successful in my marriage now. I went from being a doormat roommate to taking charge of my life and taking leadership of the household back. I have concentrated on improving myself to the point I KNOW. I can function on my own without my wife.
> Our sex life now is better even than when we were dating 30 years ago. I'm getting close to being in the same physical shape as well (actually stronger in some ways).
> ...


Great thoughts here I found uplifting. 

Only point I wanted to ask about is reading six times seems almost too dependent (not trying to insult you in any way) Do you find yourself thoroughly grasping the ideas there and then adding your own thoughts or are you being at all robotic following a script almost. I am so sorry if that sounds ****ty. I like the rest of your post but went "eeeee:" when read that jumping off the page. NO disrespect intended. Very very curious how you respond to the concern about it/how you address your own ideas into the concepts to build on it?

Disclaimer: you are more successful by far than I am with it. I got nuttin' but respect so I want to hear from you on my question


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## jerry123 (Apr 9, 2012)

I got a lot out of it since I was a people pleaser. Or should I say wife pleaser. I would always make sure she was in a good mood or happy and thought that was the way to get sex. Uuuugggghh, wrong move. Now I please myself. Sure, I help others out but don't go out of my way or cancel plans to do it. 
As for my wife, if she's unhappy, that's on her. Not me...

MMSLP just made me get my butt up and work out. Get fit. Be the leader in my marriage. And don't take disrespectful behaviour from anyone. Especially my wife.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Ripper (Apr 1, 2014)

It might have been useful back when I was a teenager. By the time I heard of it and read it the "nice guy" in me had already been cruelly murdered.


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## naiveonedave (Jan 9, 2014)

I agree with nub, MMSLP was much more fitting for me. I think that many guys probably should read both and see what resonates for them. They hit on similar but different aspects to relationships for men.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

NMMNG was the first real self improvement book I read. It helped me tremendously to see and understand a number of dysfunctional behaviors and thought patterns I had. Yes, I would call it a success.


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

For me, it was one of a couple of books that pointed out self-defeating behaviors, that never resulted in favorable outcomes. I changed those behaviors, tweaked some others. It was a little rough sailing at first. The relationships that were worth being in settled out and got stronger. The ones that needed to end died. I consider that successful.


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## thenub (Oct 3, 2014)

thread the needle said:


> Great thoughts here I found uplifting.
> 
> 
> 
> ...



Not following it to the letter at all. I usually don't get hours per day to read, maybe a half hour at the most every other day. I liken it more to a really good science documentary. Watch it once it's good. Watch it a couple more times and pick up on some subtle nuances missed the first time. 
I'm sure I will read NMMNG again as well as hold into your N.U.T.S. Another book I'm sure I'll read a few times is called "Get into her, a female perspective by Marni Kinrys. I loved this book and it dealt a lot with what women react to in men.. 
Maybe my relationship was as far gone as I felt it was, or maybe my wife was deciding to see if I would make an effort to get us back on track. I'm not exactly sure. 
The things that got the best results for me was taking my diabetes seriously, asking my doctor for a referral to a sleep clinic (so we can share a bed again), losing weight and building muscle and dressing batter. But my biggest gains were from helping more in dealing with disciplining the kids, making most of the household decisions and getting rid of the negative attitude. 
Once those were taken care of, my wife had no problem showing affection towards me. I'm not just referring to sex, but overall affection. Things like hand holding, snuggling on the couch and plenty of drive byes on both our parts. She now realizes that when she hugs me or snuggles up to me I'm not going to automatically think I'm getting sex. 
As it stands now, we average anywhere from 2-4 times per week. Which is a far cry from 1-2 times per month last year. I have found that if I'm not too sure about what she's feeling or how she may react to a given situation. Asking a question on this forum will get good responses but I still have to figure out which response will work in any given situation. 
Usually when I see a man up response from the ladies on this forum when I'm reading through other threads, I take note of the context and see if I need to do the same in a similar situation. There is a wealth of information here in all the sections of this forum. I have learned how to look for any red flags and if I find any, how to verify them. There are also ideas you can find for date nights, birthdays anniversaries etc.
Sure, the books are great and have a lot of useful information, but it won't discount the value of the advice or information I can get here. I suggest a lot of reading if you want to improve your relationship. But needless to say, if not put into practice, nothing will change.


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## Northern Monkey (May 2, 2013)

I found NMMNG excellent.

Partly as it allowed me to identify the destructive and unpleasant tendencies that I had from being a Nice Guy.

Its important to realise a Nice Guy isn't the same as a nice guy.

I had long ago realised I was too 'nice' and went with textbook 'wrong' ways to get what I wanted. 

Stopping that behaviour was every bit as important as standing up for myself.

Was too late for my marriage by time I read it but I'm two years into a much healthier relationship now.


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

It helped me tremendously. 

Covert contracts, passive aggressive behavior, giving to get rather than giving to give...

I had those in spades.

It is the first book I read in my journey of self improvement.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

The generalizations about Nice Guys seem to be skin deep. I consider myself a reasonably nice guy / Nice Guy but only to the extent that I'm running my life's playbook 24/7 and don't leave much to chance. Also because I'm good at reading and predicting behavior.

So, if you're a simple Nice Guy the book may be of some value, but if there's more to it than that it's not going to be as useful.

Also there are different levels of Niceness - ask a Nice Guy for a loan or to borrow his Nikon  That's why it's generalizations aren't always very useful.


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## Northern Monkey (May 2, 2013)

Have you read the book John?

I ask as nothing in that post sounds like you are a 'Nice Guy'.


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## committed_guy (Nov 22, 2011)

I'm going to have to check this book out.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Northern Monkey said:


> Have you read the book John?
> 
> I ask as nothing in that post sounds like you are a 'Nice Guy'.



I have. 

And in the right circumstances i am the Nicest Guy ever


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