# Do I leave the house while she gathers stuff



## This is me (May 4, 2011)

My walk away wife from last night just left me a message to tell me she would like me out of the house today so she can collect her stuff.

My gut is telling me not to allow this and to have the locks changed after she leaves.

Thought?


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

I wouldn`t leave the house in your situation.

Is it likely she would take or harm your belongings?

Definitely have the locks changed, do it today.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

I wouldn't leave. She doesn't get to call all the shots.

 Sorry this is happening though.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

You need a friend of yours there with you ready to dial the cops.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## This is me (May 4, 2011)

that_girl said:


> I wouldn't leave. She doesn't get to call all the shots.
> 
> Sorry this is happening though.


Thank you for all of your support through this. I have reached out to family and they all agree. One of them will likely come over for support.

Wow I can't believe this is happening.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

REally do change the locks - it sounds cliche but its often necessary.

once she has her stuff gone, get them changed asap. this prevents her from popping back when you aren't there.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

I know it is shocking and you are in this weird fog, am I right? I couldn't even feel my legs for the first few days after my husband left. It was unreal.

Try to find your reality, though. Be balanced and calm and don't show your anxiety. I would shake sometimes when he'd come over and it was hard to get a hold of.

Remember who you are and that she is the one in the wrong. Not you.


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## SadieBrown (Mar 16, 2011)

I don't know your situation, but I agree with the other posters to change the locks - After you have given her ample opportunity to get her stuff out. And nothing wrong with having a friend and/or family member or two there for support.


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

Also.... hate to say this but HIDE or remove anything that you really really want or that is important to getting the divorce. Paperwork... bills, income tax returns, pay stubs, bank statements, titles, all paperwork that you can think of. Give them to someone else to hold. 

It's amazing what the walkaway spouse will want to take, the things they choose seem to be bizarre. My ex took the bathroom trash can, some hedge trimmers, the palm tree trimmers (and he moved into an apartment) and two grills... 

Personally, I'd throw ALL her clothing in trash bags...and clean out the bathroom the same way... it cuts down on the amount of time that she is there and kind of sends an FU message. I'd also get the friend to stay after she leaves and finish de-wifing the place.


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## This is me (May 4, 2011)

that_girl said:


> I know it is shocking and you are in this weird fog, am I right? I couldn't even feel my legs for the first few days after my husband left. It was unreal.
> 
> Try to find your reality, though. Be balanced and calm and don't show your anxiety. I would shake sometimes when he'd come over and it was hard to get a hold of.
> 
> Remember who you are and that she is the one in the wrong. Not you.


Thank you. I will try to heed your advice. You have been very helpful to me over the past day or so. You hit the nail on the head, I am in a fog. My brain hurts from missing sleep and anguish. I think I did pretty well today with the help of a brother and sister who came by to be with me. I just had dinner with a longtime friend who was shocked at the news. I think he was the one shaking after I shared with him what happened. He would usually do dinner with both of us.

My brother and sister both pointed out to me that I can not beat myself up, easier said than done, but I do believe with a clear head that I have done all that I can and she opted out on trying.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Because sticking around would worsen your relationship?


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## SadieBrown (Mar 16, 2011)

Thank god for family and friends!! Glad to know you have a support system and aren't going through this alone.


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## This is me (May 4, 2011)

SadieBrown said:


> Thank god for family and friends!! Glad to know you have a support system and aren't going through this alone.


Absolutely. I am fortunate to have many loving brothers and sisters. Having them come over today was so appreciated. Now that they are gone, it is a different story. Starting to feel the pain of the empty house. I was just thinking last Saturday night we went grocery shopping together, and then rented a movie and as boring as it was, it was nice to be together. Now it is just so sad to be without her.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

I know how that feels. I spent many nights online chatting with faraway friends.

Maybe get out for a bit. Take a drive. Rearrange furniture. Change it up.

Tonight will be hard. Not gunna lie. Tomorrow morning you'll wake up and for a moment you'll forget what happened, then it will hit. Reread the 180 and imply it. Do ONE THING you have been putting off for yourself. Just go do it.

Change up your style a bit, your hair, clothes, etc. 

This is your time. Take care of you


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

You might want to talk to a lawyer before you start locking her out. If her name is on the lease or title (and possibly even if it's not), she may be just as entitled to access as you are.

I'm not a lawyer, and don't play one on TV...

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Read some of your threads. I would bet she''s having an affair. This doesn't help but be ready for a quik boyfriend. Hope to God I'm wrong.


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## This is me (May 4, 2011)

that_girl said:


> I know how that feels. I spent many nights online chatting with faraway friends.
> 
> Maybe get out for a bit. Take a drive. Rearrange furniture. Change it up.
> 
> ...


Just got about 3 hours sleep and hope to return to it after this hour of 1am, maybe with a little help. Went to dinner with a friend and barely ate tonight. I am a fit build and will likely lose weight, as I did earlier this year when this started so was thinking I will buy some Boost weight gain drink tomorrow.

When I just woke was not feeling too much pain, but I believe you and remember the pain of relationship break ups many years ago. I will try to make the 180 read a daily thing as a reminder.

I always wanted a dog, she never did, maybe it is time to look into getting one. Wonder if I can test one for a while from a rescue place?

I do appreciate your kindness! Thank you.


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## This is me (May 4, 2011)

chapparal said:


> Read some of your threads. I would bet she''s having an affair. This doesn't help but be ready for a quik boyfriend. Hope to God I'm wrong.


I think she has had an interest in a coworker for months, maybe a year now. I did discover emails that clearly showed she was interested in this guy. All of her actions with getting braces, new exercise workout that she never did for the previous 16 years and an investigation into a boob job all pointed to her increasing her sex status. 

Not sure he will be the one, but I would not be surprised either that if she does not come back to me, that she will find a new love soon. When we first dated and got married she dressed rather average, but in the past year or more she has been dressing for attention getting. At my expense. Her wardrobe nearly doubled in the past 6 months and I did not complain in the hopes she was becoming happier. Shame on me.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

You could look at a rescue society, and fostering a dog for awhile, if you're not sure owning one is for you.

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## This is me (May 4, 2011)

PBear said:


> You could look at a rescue society, and fostering a dog for awhile, if you're not sure owning one is for you.
> 
> C
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


That is a good idea. I will look into it.


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