# What happened?



## Merm (May 21, 2009)

I've been married for two years to a man I was madly in love with, despite what others thought of him. People thought he was too quiet for me and he was very antisocial and never had any friends.

When we met I was a single mom. Had lots of friends and a job. Dating my husband was great. Then he asked me to marry him.
and everything changed. For one thing my daughter has been living with her birth dad, who is a great guy and wanted to have her for a few years, since I had her for so long, and she loves him and is doing wonderful with him. but it has bummed me out, because I really love being a mom. She lives now 2 hours away.

So now its just me and my husband. We moved to the suburbs, my friends either moved away or don't like doing things with my husband because of his quiet anti social ways. After the wedding I went to school to get my Phlebotomist license and when i got out, there was no work for me. I have been looking for a year. I'm going out of my head, because I have become stir crazy. My husband doesn't want to ever do anything. I try and come up with everything under the sun, and try to encourage us to meet other married couples. Nothing, he won't budge. So with my daughter gone, and he doesn't want anymore kids, my friends are gone, I can't get a job I have nothing to do all day but dwell. He won't move closer to where the jobs are or where my daughter is. He is the immovable object. 

I still love him very much, but I can't stop my whole life for him. He has been financially very supportive and pays for me to go on a few vacations, but when I get back it doesn't change us. He won't go on vacations with me because he is a workaholic.

Should I leave someone I still love? I know he loves me, he just sucks at talking about his feelings. His way of showing me he loves me is buying me things. Its just not enough, I adored it when I had everything else to blind me from the true fact that him and I aren't a match. But now what? 

Thanks for letting me vent.


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## D8zed (Mar 12, 2009)

> Should I leave someone I still love?


Answer: No. Work through your issues with a therapist.




> His way of showing me he loves me is buying me things.


Answer: Sounds like the two of you need to read "5 Love Languages". You need X to be happy and he's giving you Y because he thinks Y will make you happy. The book will help a lot in this area.


Sounds like you still have a foundation for a relationship. I wouldn't blow it up (yet).


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## Feelingalone (Apr 22, 2009)

I agree with D8zed. The book Five Love Languages is very insightful, I read it 2 months ago and it was eye opening. After reading it all of it seemed like common sense that anyone should already know, but that isn't the case.

On the stir crazy front look to see if there is any volunteer work in the area that could occupy some of your time while you keep looking for a job. Just a thought.


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

why cant you meet up with friends without him? i think you have a lot going on and your blaming a lot of it on him. 

i've been there- and am kind of still there. i had a lot of friends when i met my H. they didnt like him b/c he's antisocial and possessive. so i lost all my friends, quit my jobs, moved with him, and now i hate my life. but that's not his fault. of course i used to think it was. 

You just have to work to rebuild your life and figure out how to be who you are and still love your H. its a transition period. you can have balance in your life again, but you'll have to stop blaming him for your problems first.


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