# Need guy advice



## niamarielove (Mar 28, 2013)

Guys help me, my husband and I are so out of sync. Here's some quick background: I'm 21, been married about a year and a half, have a 4mo old, LOVE books, I'm an introvert, not a big talker but very opinionated and passionate about my beliefs. 

My husband is the exact opposite: 22, very sociable, he's very affectionate, touchy-feeley, very traditional minded. 

We've gotten to the point where we don't talk at because I don't see the point. I hate arguing and I'm willing to let him win any debate just so we won't argue. He wants sex, but I can't be attracted to him when he does things that upset me e.i. I'm vacuuming the den and he's in the den playing COD; there are dirty clothes on the floor and he walks over them to get to the den. He doesn't support my interests, he yells and rough houses our daughter. I can't be interested in him. 

He tries to hug me and I pull away, I can't kiss him, sometimes I don't even like him. Why can't he just spend time with our daughter? Why can't he pick up his clothes? Why can't he listen to me???


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## Waking up to life (Nov 29, 2012)

niamarielove said:


> Guys help me, my husband and I are so out of sync. Here's some quick background: I'm 21, been married about a year and a half, have a 4mo old, LOVE books, I'm an introvert, not a big talker but very opinionated and passionate about my beliefs.
> 
> My husband is the exact opposite: 22, very sociable, he's very affectionate, touchy-feeley, very traditional minded.
> 
> ...


I would be more worried about the part in bold than why he can't pick up his clothes. Your daughter is 4 months old and he yells and rough houses her??


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Please give examples of what he does that you call 'rough housing'.


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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

niamarielove said:


> He tries to hug me and I pull away, I can't kiss him, sometimes I don't even like him. Why can't he just spend time with our daughter? Why can't he pick up his clothes? Why can't he listen to me???


Five alarm fire here on poor communication between husband and wife. 

I figure it is my duty to understand and validate the feelings of my wife. There isn't a concept for us about "winning" discussions. It's more about making sure we understand each other. 

The household chores need to be worked out. When each party is just drifting along without an agreement these resentments build up.

The daughter - geez, same there. You have to work out how you are going to raise her. United front. Common plan.


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## niamarielove (Mar 28, 2013)

Waking up to life said:


> I would be more worried about the part in bold than why he can't pick up his clothes. Your daughter is 4 months old and he yells and rough houses her??


He yells at her to stop crying. He says he knows she just wants to be picked up and she's crying for no reason. Example of rough housing imo he holds her like a football, one handed, under his arm, he hangs her upside down, when hes holding her on her back he lets her head hang unsupported, he lets her fall forward or backward e.i. she's on her toes and she lurches forward. I jump and he says she did it.


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## Waking up to life (Nov 29, 2012)

niamarielove said:


> He yells at her to stop crying. He says he knows she just wants to be picked up and she's crying for no reason. Example of rough housing imo he holds her like a football, one handed, under his arm, he hangs her upside down, when hes holding her on her back he lets her head hang unsupported, he lets her fall forward or backward e.i. she's on her toes and she lurches forward. I jump and he says she did it.


He sounds VERY immature and quite frankly, dangerous. For one, yelling at a 4 month old to stop crying is absurd and your H sounds like he is not mature enough to be a dad yet. Be very careful...yelling can quickly turn into shaking, jerking, hitting, or worse. Unfortunately it happens every day around the world. Do you worry that his behavior is at risk for becoming physical abuse?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

niamarielove said:


> He yells at her to stop crying. He says he knows she just wants to be picked up and she's crying for no reason.


Your husband needs baby parent classes. Of course babies want to be held. That’s what babies do. IT’s my belief that we should hold our babies as much as possible. That’s what makes them grow into secure children. Someone who he believes needs to tell him to just pick her up and hold her. 



niamarielove said:


> Example of rough housing imo he holds her like a football, one handed, under his arm, he hangs her upside down, when hes holding her on her back he lets her head hang unsupported, he lets her fall forward or backward e.i. she's on her toes and she lurches forward. I jump and he says she did it.


“By now, your baby’s head should no longer be wobbly. Four-month-olds have pretty good head control while sitting supported, and they can hold their head and chest upright while lying on their stomach during tummy time. “

It’s ok to hang a 4 month old baby upside down if done gently for a short period of time.

If she can hold her head up now on her own, there is no need to support it. If she cannot, then he needs to support her head. 

Where does he let her fall? My son, at about this age used to love to hold my fingers and stand up. Then he’d lung (fall) onto the bed. Then giggle his silly little head off. And then want to do it again. 
He also used to love to do situps. By that I mean hold on to my fingers and pull himself up. One time I counted him doing 100 in a row. He was nuts. And it made him giggle like a little nut.

I’d have to see what your husband is doing because from what you have writen it could be just normal baby play. Or he could be being too rough. (except for holding her so her head falls back meaning she does not have a strong neck yet.)

My mom had exercises that she did with babies. She taught us all do to them. The babies love them. Maybe you could do some research on baby exercises.

At about 4 months my son would do baby sit-ups… where he’d hold my hand and pull himself up like a sit up. Then he’s also stand up holding my hands and let go and fall backwards on the bed. And he’s laugh his little head off. Your child might be doing it herself.

Does your baby have as much head control and movement as the baby in this video?

Baby Kenny Crawling at 4 Months - YouTube

You could take some videos of what’s going on and post them. We could tell you if what he’s doing is ok or not. Babies are fragile in one sense. But very unbreakable in others. You might just be a very nervous mother. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bMBUWvc0biI


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IqLMWjMRe_o


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