# I really can't take this anymore...



## vivea (Jan 22, 2011)

What to do ?
I'm devastated...so much hurt...

He told me he will call today after his session with the therapist ,he's been telling me this for the last 10 days,even yesterday he made sure i know that.I've been waiting all day today for the call.
He called 30 min ago ,spoke with my daughter 1st (as usual) than she asks "do u want to talk to mommy now" he said something and my daughter replied ok bye bye.
I ask what he said she tells me "daddy said he'll talk to you tomorrow" ,in the conversation with her he mentioned to her he is out on a dinner with friends.
This is so wrong in so many levels. If he doesn't want to talk to me why not send at least a text message to let me know....so disrespectful and childish.I'm beyond hurt,i really can't take it anymore.
On top of it i decide to call back just so i know that he really is not going to call today, i dialed his number 5 minutes after and he's phone was off.

I really don't see how things are going to work out between us like that,he is irresponsible and controls the situation at the moment.I'm ready to throw in the towel...this person is really playing games with me it seems.


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## DjF (Nov 24, 2010)

Yes, he is playing games..and winning...and now he knows it cause when he turns his phone on he will see he missed your call...

Take control...first off, don't wait around for him to call...kick start your own life all over again...find something you want to do with your daughter outside the house and do it....stop waiting by the phone...

Sounds petty, but either don't let your daughter answer the phone or unplug it when you can't get there first...he is playing you through your daughter...

As long as he knows you are sitting at home waiting for him to call, he is in control...but what if he ask your daughter..."I called last night to talk to you but no-one answered..where were you?"..

and your daughter answers..."Mom and I were having fun at dance class?"

who gets control then?


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## vivea (Jan 22, 2011)

DjF...the problem is i have a 1 years old baby too and is so hard to do anything with her.My niece babysits for me on the weekends sometimes but most of the time i'm tied at home with the baby.
At the moment all of us are sick,got the flu,he knows that and still didn't want to talk to me to ask me how is everyone doing....what kind of father he is?! 

Because everyone is sick at home we really can't go anywhere ate the moment ,my daughter is not even going to school so it's double hard .We usually go places all day and to the gym too.Than my daughter tells him all about it.
I hate it though,he gets to know exactly what we did all day because she tells him and i don't even have a clue what he's been doing....i hate that he will always know about me through her/them.

I was thinking exactly the same,no conversations for a few days.I will see if he calls tomorrow before work and what he tells me ,depending on that i will make a major decision tomorrow.

Even if he sees the call today and he asks tomorrow i'll say that his daughter forgot to tell him something and called back...

I am really planing to make him miserable for a few days ,i for sure won't talk to him for a while...i feel bad to do this to my daughter though,she is really looking forward to there conversations with him.May be for one day i can accidentally not have connection too.


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## DjF (Nov 24, 2010)

I'm sorry everyone is sick at your place...makes everything even more miserable...

If you want to limit even phone contact, maybe have your daughter write letters to her dad rather than talking on the phone...


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## vivea (Jan 22, 2011)

DjF... believe me i would if i could but she is 5 and can't quite write yet and she really likes talking to him.
When things get out of hand i'll ask him to buy her a phone so he can call her personally ,i don't want him calling on mine.

Yeah all of us sick and me up all night comforting kids with fevers and coughs...he obviously doesn't give a damn  .
I'm a strong woman i can handle this ...it's just not right.
Thanks for replying ,it helps to talk to someone about it....+ my anti-anxiety med. My whole life I've been anti-drugs/meds...never would imagine i would praise them.


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## DjF (Nov 24, 2010)

Vivea, I couldn't imagine going through what you and I are, with my kids being what age yours are...mine are old enough to think indenpendently and have been steady in supporting both of us, even my daughter who has been manipulating mom has now been contacting me more...

You are strong, you've got us...and when everything is said and done...your kids will remember who took care of them when they were sick...that is a strong bond right there!


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## vivea (Jan 22, 2011)

Thank you again DjF. I really do try to be strong I also know i can do just fine on my own if i have to ...it's just tough with small kids you know...you need help,these are the toughest times and he left me exactly at that time. Very cruel! If i was able to start working i would be fine but i can't even do that at the moment,really limited adult interaction for me at the moment.
I'm so thankful that i came across this board,all of you guys are great!

BTW...i calmed down,i feel good now,i'm sure it's the med but whatever works...i'm proud of not acting on my 1st impulse...writing an angry email or leaving an angry message or text... i would be regretting it now. I now know to wait at least 30 min before i decide to do something drastic.


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## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

vivea said:


> Thank you again DjF. I really do try to be strong I also know i can do just fine on my own if i have to ...it's just tough with small kids you know...you need help,these are the toughest times and he left me exactly at that time. Very cruel! If i was able to start working i would be fine but i can't even do that at the moment,really limited adult interaction for me at the moment.
> I'm so thankful that i came across this board,all of you guys are great!
> 
> BTW...i calmed down,i feel good now,i'm sure it's the med but whatever works...i'm proud of not acting on my 1st impulse...writing an angry email or leaving an angry message or text... i would be regretting it now. I now know to wait at least 30 min before i decide to do something drastic.


good for you, lack of control is the position many of us are in, and that hurts like hell when you feel you have little to no control over your own life. I am sure the flu is also making you feel even less in control.

As for him knowing what you are doing, but you not knowing what he is doing, I would be completely clueless about what the W is doing (moving) if it wasn't for the chat prg (she does not know I can see her status updates, and she updates like it was a twitter account!) and probably doesn't know I have contacted the schools my sons attend.

hugs to you lady, keep your chin up.


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## vivea (Jan 22, 2011)

Here we go again 

Well he called this morning...i was not OK,i mean all night I've been up giving medicines and comforting kids.He could tell by my voice...didn't have the strength to pretend i'm happy and OK.

Asked how we are doing,told me he had a great session yesterday and told me he really enjoyed the Valentine's video that i made for him...to all this i only responded with "great". We hung up because i wasn't chatty at all and couldn't bring myself to tell him what i think about him not calling yesterday as promised.

5 min later i maned up and dialed his number ,told him straight how i felt about yesterday,how disrespected i feel and how not nice was that.He of course apologized and said that he didn't mean to do that and he understands how bad was that...his battery died...blah blah blah.
I asked about his session again in hopes for him to tell me something about us,he said they talked about his work , anxiety and what could be improved to make him happy...
Anyways at the end of the conversation I couldn't help but ask if he knows when he is going to be having an answer to "OUR QUESTION". After long pause ,he said "ohhh a few weeks maybe" 

Well i know he needs to decide at least before mid March because his lease is up at the end of March so he needs to find a place for himself or for us...so....here I am again in the waiting game.

He told me at least 3 more times how he enjoyed the video that i made for him.He said he wants to plan on coming down for a weekend in March. I'm just so disappointed and hurt ,he holds me as an emotional prisoner and I really can't do anything but wait.


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## vivea (Jan 22, 2011)

Gosh i feel like i'm suffocating...my mind is racing again with a million thought per hour.I go from "OK i can do this" to "i'm going to tell him it's over than" to "i miss him" to "i'm not going to talk to him for at least 2 weeks" to " i need to talk to him tonight" .....this all went through my mind in 5 min. and keeps going the same rate...

And all i want is to know YES or NO so my emotions can finally run it's course,right now i'm on a pause and as all of you know it is really really hard.I just want to cry all day ...


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## Sakaye (Feb 15, 2011)

I agree with the first comment. Don't wait around for his call. Hey sometimes you can be unavailable too. Honey, get out with your daughter and do activities together. Don't let your little girl see your anger etc. You CAN change the situation around and regain control. It will take time and patience and a lot of willpower from you to start moving towards a life that is healthy for you. It won't be easy, but you're strong. And you're daughter will have memories with her mommy that she will cherish and when she's older, she'll realize what you did for her, and your strength. Thats a good lesson to teach, how not to let a man dictate what happens in your life.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Babyheart (Feb 9, 2011)

You & I are in the same boat. I feel like I am suffocating as well. It is so hard at times to stay strong. 

One of my fav songs - next time you get down put this on. YouTube - Vanessa Amorosi - ARIA Hall of Fame


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## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

vivea said:


> And all i want is to know YES or NO so my emotions can finally run it's course,right now i'm on a pause and as all of you know it is really really hard.I just want to cry all day ...


hate to tell you this, but it is not quite that easy.

I got an email from W a few days back:
We are over. No chance of getting back together.

And you know what, I just spent 15 min crying my eyes out


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## vivea (Jan 22, 2011)

Crank i know i will be devastated for weeks again but at least i will know the answer and i will decide my life from that point....i think it'll be relieve to just know.
At the moment i feel like he is hiding something form me or just playing games and it makes me feel even worse.

He has told me exactly what your ex wrote to you.he Has said numerous times that we are over and there is no chance...than later he changed to "wait a little longer".So I've heard it and it was hard and horrible but at least gives you an answer.


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## AmImad (Jan 28, 2011)

Why is life so damn hard. Today my H told me, he has no feelings for me, he doesn't miss me, and he see's divorce as the only outcome, he told me to petition him for adultery, I've refused as I don't want to get divorced. 

I don't know why all this is happening.. he texted me earlier in the day to say he was looking forward to Friday (where we were going to have dinner and curl up in front of the tv) Yet... even though he doesn't want me, he still wants to do that!!

I have spent the last 4 hours crying like a baby, having radiotherapy every day, looking after 3 kids alone and now this, I feel like I want to run away.


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## vivea (Jan 22, 2011)

AmImad...so sorry  .
You know H. told me before that he wants to be friends with me,I told him straight that is not going to happen ,as soon as he makes his decision ( says NO to me) i will make sure i cut him off my life as much as i can,only Emails when necessary . 
I think that scared him...sorry buddy ,no friendship.


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## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

vivea said:


> AmImad...so sorry  .
> You know H. told me before that he wants to be friends with me,I told him straight that is not going to happen ,as soon as he makes his decision ( says NO to me) i will make sure i cut him off my life as much as i can,only Emails when necessary .
> I think that scared him...sorry buddy ,no friendship.


damn, wish it were that easy 4 me, but with the 2 boys....


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## AmImad (Jan 28, 2011)

Crankshaw said:


> damn, wish it were that easy 4 me, but with the 2 boys....


We have 3 children together  I just dont know how to handle this, his very good friend has told me he thinks my H has said all this because he's losing control & my H is expecting tears & me begging. He told me to be cold towards him consistently, that it'll grate on my H as he wont know what I'm doing etc.. But it is hard. I'm not goig to tell him I'm going to cut contact I just need to try & do it. My H does seem to think we can just be friends through divorce...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

AmImad said:


> We have 3 children together  I just dont know how to handle this, his very good friend has told me he thinks my H has said all this because he's losing control & my H is expecting tears & me begging. He told me to be cold towards him consistently, that it'll grate on my H as he wont know what I'm doing etc.. But it is hard. I'm not goig to tell him I'm going to cut contact I just need to try & do it. My H does seem to think we can just be friends through divorce...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


NO NO NO NO, that is what my W is doing to me, and what led to, in part, me trying to off myself.
IMO better to be business like & professional, less likely to say or do something you may well regret later.


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## AmImad (Jan 28, 2011)

It's my H's decision, not mine, so why should he be bothered whether I talk to him or not? He's the one breaking my heart saying he doesn't want 'us'

I will arrange via text when he will pick up the kids, but thats all I need to discuss. I don't have to tell him how I am feeling etc..


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## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

AmImad said:


> It's my H's decision, not mine, so why should he be bothered whether I talk to him or not? He's the one breaking my heart saying he doesn't want 'us'


you misunderstand me, if you talk keep it business like, no need for being bitc**y or anything like that.



> I will arrange via text when he will pick up the kids, but thats all I need to discuss. I don't have to tell him how I am feeling etc..


no, you don't have to tell him how you are feeling, but the less anger / hate you show towards him the less likely the kids are going to affected.

Example, tonight I tried calling my boys, I emailed their mother mid morning, I know she got the email, she chose to ignore it, no reply. I call, phone rings out, the answering machine has been turned off, so I have left FB messages to my boys saying I tried to call, and I would try again on Friday night.
A 2 second email reply from the W saying 'we will be out at school info night" would have been business, she is choosing to be a cold hearted bitc*, the boys will know. sent a follow up email saying I tried calling, she must not have gotten the first email.


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## AmImad (Jan 28, 2011)

Oh I see, no, I wouldn't do that with regards to the children, they are not pawns.

I did text him this morning and said, "will you be having the children on Sunday?"

See my H is happy to still have family time.. go out together with the children, hug me good bye, have silly texts, joke around with me, and want to curl up in front of the tv.. well now it can't happen he needs to see life without me, it's killing me, but I have to do it.


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