# Does he love me?



## Kelly:( (Jan 15, 2016)

This question is for the men. My husband and I have been married 20 years and we have two kids. Long back story too complicated to go into but I'll try to be concise as possible. During our marriage my husband had up until 7 months ago questioned my fidelity even though I never cheated on him. These accusations of cheating pushed me away and many times I felt like leaving because it hurt so much. I fell out of love with him and still stuck by him hoping he would change which he did. I see now that he sensed I had fallen out of love with him it's impossible not too. So Because he stopped being controlling and distrusting I fell back in love with him. My libido went off the charts. Great right? Well he didn't welcome my new sexual awakening and in fact I'm getting rejected and I have noticed that he doesn't look me in the eye whe he says I love you. I'm also questioning why didn't he try to keep me when I had fallen out of love with him? I'm doing all these things to show him love (not just initiating sex) he didn't do anything but act angry and accuse me of cheating during those years. Did he ever love me? And does he love me now? Seems like a dumb question because all the signs are there telling me he doesn't.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

If he gets "angry" then there is something there. Anger is the disguise of vulnerability, for which he may be trying to protect a part of himself that now bears deep scars of getting a cold and indifferent shoulder from someone who should give him unconditional love. 

My wife went through a period where she was very cold to me and even told me that she didn't think she loved me anymore. The reality of the situation was that she was struggling more than she imagined being away from her family and culture. Things began to improve when she realized that she should not hold me responsible for making and keeping her happy during moments when life would get frustrating. I am however always by her side and supportive to help her choose how we can make the best out of our situation.

So you need to work out what was happening that made you withdraw and explain it to your husband. 

Regards, 
Badsanta


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

Kelly:( said:


> This question is for the men. My husband and I have been married 20 years and we have two kids. Long back story too complicated to go into but I'll try to be concise as possible. During our marriage my husband had up until 7 months ago questioned my fidelity even though I never cheated on him. These accusations of cheating pushed me away and many times I felt like leaving because it hurt so much. I fell out of love with him and still stuck by him hoping he would change which he did. I see now that he sensed I had fallen out of love with him it's impossible not too. So Because he stopped being controlling and distrusting I fell back in love with him. My libido went off the charts. Great right? Well he didn't welcome my new sexual awakening and in fact I'm getting rejected and *I have noticed that he doesn't look me in the eye whe he says I love you*. I'm also questioning why didn't he try to keep me when I had fallen out of love with him? I'm doing all these things to show him love (not just initiating sex) he didn't do anything but act angry and accuse me of cheating during those years. Did he ever love me? And does he love me now? Seems like a dumb question because all the signs are there telling me he doesn't.


very difficult question without knowing more, but based on the bolded part, i would say he does have a love for you, but there are resentments or suspicions unresolved. does he perhaps still believe that you cheated, even though you didn't?

he is keeping his distance from you through sex. you need to get to the bottom of what's still bothering him.


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## Relationship Teacher (Jan 3, 2016)

Kelly:( said:


> This question is for the men. My husband and I have been married 20 years and we have two kids. Long back story too complicated to go into but I'll try to be concise as possible. During our marriage my husband had up until 7 months ago questioned my fidelity even though I never cheated on him. These accusations of cheating pushed me away and many times I felt like leaving because it hurt so much. I fell out of love with him and still stuck by him hoping he would change which he did. I see now that he sensed I had fallen out of love with him it's impossible not too. So Because he stopped being controlling and distrusting I fell back in love with him. My libido went off the charts. Great right? Well he didn't welcome my new sexual awakening and in fact I'm getting rejected and I have noticed that he doesn't look me in the eye whe he says I love you. I'm also questioning why didn't he try to keep me when I had fallen out of love with him? I'm doing all these things to show him love (not just initiating sex) he didn't do anything but act angry and accuse me of cheating during those years. Did he ever love me? And does he love me now? Seems like a dumb question because all the signs are there telling me he doesn't.


The years have taken their toll on the relationship. He has learned that it is more comfortable to not release emotional energy. It is to his detriment. The loving feeling will be felt again in the very moment that he lets his guard down and expresses love. It sounds overly simplistic, but it is not. It is one thing for someone to love you and another to be loving to you. Don't settle for auto-pilot. Re-kindle the intimacy.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*I would go so far as to say that "his problem" has now denigrated itself to the point, that if he doesn't readily and voluntary enroll in individual counseling(IC), then the two of you should immediately seek out marriage counseling!(MC)*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Dycedarg (Apr 17, 2014)

Based solely on what you've been able to share, I'd say yes he absolutely still loves you. But he's bitter and it is seriously clouding everything. I don't know if it's something you've done, or something he has done. 

If he really didn't love you, he'd most likely leave or tell you he wants to leave. There may be certain parts of him that wouldn't mind being single but there is a large portion of his being that loves and wants to be with you.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

Kelly:( said:


> I'm doing *all these things to show him love *


Kelly, You probably will see other posts mention the book "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman. The premise of his book is that most people show their love the way that they want to be loved. The book mentions that your partner may define love differently and that you need to learn your partner's "love language." Read the reviews at Amazon and decide if the book is right for you. 

My post may be premature in that I am only on page 40 of 200. But last night I asked my wife a few questions based on what I read so far and the answers surprised me - even after 20+ years of marriage. I will update you when I finish the book. Stay Strong.


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## Grogmiester (Nov 23, 2015)

Kelly:( said:


> This question is for the men. My husband and I have been married 20 years and we have two kids. Long back story too complicated to go into but I'll try to be concise as possible. During our marriage my husband had up until 7 months ago questioned my fidelity even though I never cheated on him. These accusations of cheating pushed me away and many times I felt like leaving because it hurt so much. I fell out of love with him and still stuck by him hoping he would change which he did. I see now that he sensed I had fallen out of love with him it's impossible not too. So Because he stopped being controlling and distrusting I fell back in love with him. *My libido went off the charts. Great right? Well he didn't welcome my new sexual awakening and in fact I'm getting rejected* and I have noticed that he doesn't look me in the eye whe he says I love you. I'm also questioning why didn't he try to keep me when I had fallen out of love with him? I'm doing all these things to show him love (not just initiating sex) he didn't do anything but act angry and accuse me of cheating during those years. Did he ever love me? And does he love me now? Seems like a dumb question because all the signs are there telling me he doesn't.



Kelly you said your labido has taken off in the last 7 months and you don't understand why you are being turned down. Maybe he's questioning if this is for real or not. 

It might take some time for him to come around. I think its hard when you've been one way for 19 1/2 years to change over night.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Your H is either 
a) very insecure or 
b) has played the field (i.e. cheated on you) when he keeps bringing up you being unfaithful

Have you done somethings to arouse this suspicion or is he just naturally suspicious? You say he has been 'distrusting and controlling." Can you explain how exactly, give examples?

If for example he doesn't want you on GNO until 1am and tells you off for it is that controlling to you? Some couples just have different expectations and boundaries and trying to ensure the expectations and boundaries are similar can take a life time.

it sounds like you are both playing cat and mouse with one another,when he is hot, you are cold and vice versa. You both need counselling to get to the bottom of his insecurities and see what is causing him to feel the way he does.

Lastly when you were no longer in love with him you may have acted disrespectfully towards him , that is a big no-no for any man. For you to regain his trust may take time. You really do need some professional help.


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## always_hopefull (Aug 11, 2011)

What was making him question your fidelity? Is it possible he still questions it and has finally withdrawn?


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