# Do your older/teen kids know?



## LoriC (Feb 18, 2013)

So, I was dusting the livingroom table when I noticed my son's iPad blinking. Here is what it said on his twitter from him "Every night I come home my parents are fvcking, WHY????????" 

My son is going to be 18 in a few months. When I read this I laughed because when he was growing up we were basically sexless. We have found each other again and our marriage is better than ever and honestly I have to laugh!

Do your kids know? have they ever said anything to you?


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## ginger-snap (Apr 10, 2013)

No kids, but if I had any, I'd aspire to make them feel the same way.  It's better than, "Every night I come home and my parents are fighting."


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## Accipiter777 (Jul 22, 2011)

My boy is 13. He said one morning....
"You guys are too noisy. be discreet"


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

LMAO! No, my oldest is only 12, but he's even afraid to say the word SEX! So, even remotely bringing up to his friends when mom and dad have sex..well, highly unlikely. But, man... now I have a new aspiration! 

Before anyone asks, I have NO CLUE why even the word "sex" is taboo for him. I'm hoping that my husband can get him to open up on the "whys" of that.


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## mineforever (Jan 31, 2013)

Yeah he knew...and now at 28 he just grins ands says "Ah...come on Mom and Dad give me a break all already!"
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

I still have a 20 something and a 13 year old home. Of course the older one is rarely home but yes, they both know. When the older one graduated from college and moved back, we forgot to lock the bedroom door. She heard noises and walked in. Then quickly backed out whispering sorry sorry sorry... later I laughed with her. "really, been away at college and those noises were unfamiliar?" There are other times the 13 year old would scoot down stairs to tell my sister, "Mom and Dad are in the shower making funny noises again." 

My husband is mortified that the kids can sometimes figure out we are having sex. I think it is absurd to not enjoy one another behind closed and locked doors. 

Are we supposed to pretended the be the sexless couple we once were? Are we supposed to model what a happy loving couple looks and sounds like? I vote for the second one!


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

Well lets see for us:

When our oldest was 6 she threw up in the middle of the night. It was 3 freaking AM! We're going away, wife on top. The door to our room is at the foot of the bed, and daughter comes in. We don't hear or see her, so she walks up and taps wife on the foot. One moment wife is bouncing away making quite a bit of noise and the next she's screaming.

The next time the oldest is about 10. Apparently the previous event was finally far enough in the back of her mind that she doesn't knock. We're in 69, wife is near orgasm and we hear the door open and slam back shut. We weren't sure who it was, but the oldest wouldn't make eye contact and was trying to avoid us.

That's when the lock went on the door.

Now if we go in the bedroom during the day and lock the door, our son (the youngest, now 9) will announce "they're having sex again" if he finds the door locked. 

Which we usually hear a response from both sisters of "JUST SHUT UP ABOUT IT WE DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT."


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## LoriC (Feb 18, 2013)

Anon Pink said:


> I still have a 20 something and a 13 year old home. Of course the older one is rarely home but yes, they both know. When the older one graduated from college and moved back, we forgot to lock the bedroom door. She heard noises and walked in. Then quickly backed out whispering sorry sorry sorry... later I laughed with her. "really, been away at college and those noises were unfamiliar?" There are other times the 13 year old would scoot down stairs to tell my sister, "Mom and Dad are in the shower making funny noises again."
> 
> My husband is mortified that the kids can sometimes figure out we are having sex. I think it is absurd to not enjoy one another behind closed and locked doors.
> 
> Are we supposed to pretended the be the sexless couple we once were? Are we supposed to model what a happy loving couple looks and sounds like? I vote for the second one!


We have another son who is turning 21 in a few months. He has a girlfriend going on 2 years now and honestly we have more sex than he does.... The 18 year old hears us because his bedroom is across the hall from ours upstairs. I really don't care and I do not try to be quiet, but my H is definitely mortified! The older one is on the ground floor. Next month we are moving the 18 yo downstairs. I want my privacy....


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## hambone (Mar 30, 2013)

Early in my marriage. I had this 12 year old step-daughter.

It's a long story but we never got alone... because, she didn't want to.

While she likes to remind me that she had to listen to me and her mother having sex... how disgusting it was and how inappropriate it was and how it scared her etc. etc. etc.

She forgets those times that I caught her with her ear to our bedroom door... Not only her... but her girl friends were listening as well... On more than one occasion...

Honest to God's truth. Her mother and I were being as quiet as we could be. 



THEN, there was that time... My son was about 4 or 5. It was very early in the morning... we'd just finished having sex The door was closed. (I know, I know the door should have been locked). I get my underwear back on.... Take a deep breath.. in he walks. He stops at the foot of the bed... he looks at me... looks at his mother... Glances back and forth a couple times... You can see it in his eyes, "what have ya'll been doin' ".. and, I swear, just like the magicians jerking the tablecloth out from under the wine glasses sitting on the table... he jerks the sheet off of us... whoosh and all at once, it was gone. All the way gone... Then, he has this sheepish look on the face... nothing was going on... BUT, if he'd entered the bedroom 5 seconds earlier, we'd have been busted.


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## Red2 (Apr 28, 2013)

My daughter walked in on us several times until we put a lock on the bedroom door. Now she is 13 and whenever she finds the bedroom door locked, she knocks and says "Are you guys having sex again? I don't hear any orgasm noises!" 

Also, our dog, a beagle-terrier mix.... We have to lock him out of the bedroom or he tries to shove my husband's hand off of me with his nose...

Sometimes the dog alerts my daughter by barking in the hallway, then she comes knocking on the door, saying that the dog wants to come in. I just laugh... 

I am just happy that I managed to teach my kid that sex is part of life, not something to be ashamed of. Now, if I could teach her to give us some privacy, that would be perfect!


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

LoriC said:


> We have another son who is turning 21 in a few months. He has a girlfriend going on 2 years now and honestly we have more sex than he does.... The 18 year old hears us because his bedroom is across the hall from ours upstairs. I really don't care and I do not try to be quiet, but my H is definitely mortified! The older one is on the ground floor. Next month we are moving the 18 yo downstairs. I want my privacy....


What's the deal with our husbands? I had thought maybe it was the daughter thing, but you have sons? Should think he'd be all chest thumping. "Yup, son I took good care of your mother just now so let's let her rest a while!"


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

larry.gray said:


> Well lets see for us:
> 
> When our oldest was 6 she threw up in the middle of the night. It was 3 freaking AM! We're going away, wife on top. The door to our room is at the foot of the bed, and daughter comes in. We don't hear or see her, so she walks up and taps wife on the foot. One moment wife is bouncing away making quite a bit of noise and the next she's screaming.
> 
> ...


OMG!! :rofl:

20 points if she still had the orgasm after getting the foot tapped!


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

About an hour later.


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## LoriC (Feb 18, 2013)

Anon Pink said:


> What's the deal with our husbands? I had thought maybe it was the daughter thing, but you have sons? Should think he'd be all chest thumping. "Yup, son I took good care of your mother just now so let's let her rest a while!"


Exactly! That is what I thought. Instead I'm the one thumping my chest...... I don't get it.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

I would say, today's kids know more than we did in our youth and they have access to technologies we only dreamed about and saw in tv series and movies.

Kids now a days are having sex in their early teens, so its a given they know what's up.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Ding ding din and Larry gets the 20 points!


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

LoriC said:


> Exactly! That is what I thought. Instead I'm the one thumping my chest...... I don't get it.


We'll have to ask them and then compare notes...


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

CuddleBug said:


> I would say, today's kids know more than we did in our youth and they have access to technologies we only dreamed about and saw in tv series and movies.
> 
> Kids now a days are having sex in their early teens, so its a given they know what's up.


Either you're way older than me or lived in very different circumstances. Teen pregnancy is down in the US, and kids are waiting a little longer to have sex now.


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

My girls are 8 and 4 years older than my son. I'm sure I'm going to be dealing with young men doing that to my daughters before I'm dealing with my son doing that.

Should be interesting....


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

LoriC said:


> Do your kids know? have they ever said anything to you?


Ha ha....this question made me laugh... We do a lot of lively bantering / even a little dirty - right in front of our kids....they are used to us... though they've never seen or walked in on us - nothing visually inappropriate - always LOCKED doors and we are quiet too -or have the TV on to drown out a little noise.....

It's more in our openness, the overt affection they see on a daily basis... Our 1st 3 sons know all about this forum, they know what MOM likes to talk about ....they actually feel that is pretty cool and they are very open with us about STUFF...which we want in our family, they know they can bring anything to us...... but only the one in College knows my username. He even posted on here once to counter me ....in the religious section.. We do that at home too. 

They see my books laying around....I've gotten some comments on those...raised eye brows/ Grins...some of those titles ought to be locked up... (which I did start hiding them)...

A few weeks ago... 2nd son was helping me & Dad put up an Gazebo (lots of screws, nuts & bolting going on)..... they were right in front of me on bended knee facing each other tightening up the poles on the ground ....

Son says ... "Do you need a screw Dad?"... Dad answers ..."all the time" with a . That would just be a typical back & forth at our crazy house, where the boys put "69" on my timers, microwave...use their brothers counting cards on the Fridge for 69....they've shown me You tube videos -such as "the skittles superbowl commercial".... We do have a lot of laughs...they know Mom & Dad are having a good time (not that they are thinking about that- of course not)...

But yet...they are boys... they know what goes on....and really...it's a good thing for them to see their parents still so much into each other after all these years.... 

The last message I'd want our kids to have is... Married life sex is bad, uneventful and boring... while they see all the unmarrieds doing it like bunny rabbits...


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

A friend of mine is one of seven kids. They grew up being well aware that their parents have sex every single night. It wasn't something they tried to hide, or painted as being a shameful thing. He says they still make love daily.

My parents had an unconventional marriage. They were separated during my first grade year. They never divorced, never had a major falling out, remained bonded and connected, and my dad moved back home when I was in college. But I use to grow up WISHING my parents were sleeping in the same bed to be even having sex. I would actually have been thrilled to hear the tell-tale noises!


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

Yes.

My youngest calls me the 'dying walrus' as I'm so noisy. And they learnt some time ago not to peek at my phone.

When staying in an hotel Mrs Wysh has to put her hand over my mouth when I finish to silence me a little.


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## Convection (Apr 20, 2013)

Oh yeah. My step-son heard us all the time. I remember distinctly one afternoon early in my relationship with my wife that he had asked me to go toss the ball with him and I (we) put him off, with the excuse that we were going to take a nap. Fifteen minutes later, we're in the middle of things and I hear this voice yell, "You're supposed to be sleeping!" I forgot the window to the backyard was open.

These days, he and I can laugh about it. I think he appreciates his parents are physically affectionate, as we constantly hug and kiss and such, and always have. Seeing their parents in obvious love is powerful security for kids, no matter how much griping they do on the surface!


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## SomedayDig (Jul 17, 2012)

This is why our 5 year plan includes building a home that has a first floor master suite. Our son will be 15. We don't want him hearing and God knows...I was a boy...I don't wanna hear HIM either!!


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## Bellavista (May 29, 2012)

our house is shocking with paper thin walls. I have noticed our 24yo son in the room next to ours has a good pair of noise cancelling headphones for his computer.

I am looking forward to being empty nesters, or at least having another room I can move this son into as he is unlikely to ever leave.

none of them have ever said anything though.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

WyshIknew said:


> Yes.
> 
> My youngest calls me the 'dying walrus' as I'm so noisy. And they learnt some time ago not to peek at my phone.
> 
> When staying in an hotel Mrs Wysh has to put her hand over my mouth when I finish to silence me a little.


Now I have to google the sound a walrus makes, then try to figure out how that sound would be different if the animal was I juried and dying.


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## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

Anon Pink said:


> What's the deal with our husbands? I had thought maybe it was the daughter thing, but you have sons? Should think he'd be all chest thumping. "Yup, son I took good care of your mother just now so let's let her rest a while!"


For me, it is the opposite. My wife really has a hard time getting into it if she thinks one of the kids can or could hear, especially my son, who is now 12.

Our kids are sound sleepers, so not too many interruptions. The one time that stands out is my son coming down the hall way asking if mom is alright because she sound like she was in pain. We assured him she was alright and got him back to bed. Fortunately, I was able to take care of her pain in a quieter fashion.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

^ :rofl: ^

Such a good husband to take away her pain!


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Gotta love the texts right in the middle of things from the 17yo step daughter..."Is that all you guys do? You're shaking the whole house again!" Yeah, they know


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## LoriC (Feb 18, 2013)

samyeagar said:


> Gotta love the texts right in the middle of things from the 17yo step daughter..."Is that all you guys do? You're shaking the whole house again!" Yeah, they know


That is hilarious! Sounds like something my son would do. But neither of my boys ever say a thing to us. I think they are too embarassed.


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## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

Anon Pink said:


> ^ :rofl: ^
> 
> Such a good husband to take away her pain!


It is a sacrifice, but I do what I can. :biggrinangelA:


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

Anon Pink said:


> Now I have to google the sound a walrus makes, then try to figure out how that sound would be different if the animal was I juried and dying.


Hold on, I'll do a vocaroo recording.

Not really.


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## gbrad (Jul 20, 2010)

I am surprised people have sex during the day with kids in the house. I can't even fathom doing that. The kids either need to be asleep or at someone elses house. I would have no desire for my kids to know that was happening.


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## gbrad (Jul 20, 2010)

Red2 said:


> My daughter walked in on us several times until we put a lock on the bedroom door. Now she is 13 and whenever she finds the bedroom door locked, she knocks and says "Are you guys having sex again? I don't hear any orgasm noises!"
> 
> Also, our dog, a beagle-terrier mix.... We have to lock him out of the bedroom or he tries to shove my husband's hand off of me with his nose...
> 
> ...


Oh my goodness, I could never have spoken about something like that around my parents. To joke about that at 13, no way.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

LoriC said:


> That is hilarious! Sounds like something my son would do. But neither of my boys ever say a thing to us. I think they are too embarassed.


One of step daughters friends was spending the night and she warned her something along the lines of "When the house starts shaking later, it's just mom and Sam having sex again"

One time she walked in on us and then later she said to me "You need to get some sun dude, your ass is really white"


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## StillSearching (Feb 8, 2013)

My wife hopes they don't know. I'm pretty sure they know. Mine are 19,17,15.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

all I have to say is thank god we finished the basement
nothing like having 2 floors separating the noises
during the day the kids play their xbox and we can sneak upstairs
during the night when the kids go to be we can have our fun in the basement


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

WyshIknew said:


> Hold on, I'll do a vocaroo recording.
> 
> Not really.


Here you go Wysh..

World Wide Walrus Web » Blog Archive - The Blog for Tooth Walking Sea-Horse Enthusiasts » What Does a Walrus Sound Like?

I think these sounds were out of order though. The whistle is the beginning, the grunting in the middle, the moan at the end.

How sad is this, googling walrus sounds and imagining in what order they would go during sex?

time to go find a life...


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## CondorTX19 (Jun 19, 2012)

My 7 y/o stepdaughter walked in on me and my wife while I was dining at the Y. She asked me what I was doing! Without pause I said I was checking her mom for ticks. LOL! We live in the country and had a problem with ticks anyway so she bought it hook line and sinker. 
As she grew up we were always affectionate in front of her. We didn’t make talking about sex a bad thing. We were open with her and were always able to talk with her about sex. Going to church every Sunday also helped out. I proud of her, she just turned twenty one and has only had sex two times. She tells her mom everything even when my wife would rather not hear all the details.


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

Anon Pink said:


> Here you go Wysh..
> 
> World Wide Walrus Web » Blog Archive - The Blog for Tooth Walking Sea-Horse Enthusiasts » What Does a Walrus Sound Like?
> 
> ...


:rofl:


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

Mrs. Amp is very er, um "enthusiastic" Yes they know and we've had the conversation with them that we have an active, healthy sexual relationship even in our 50s. Nothing to be embarrassed about nor apologize for. Be thankful they don't hear a lot of angry arguments instead.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

CondorTX19 said:


> My 7 y/o stepdaughter walked in on me and my wife while I was dining at the Y. She asked me what I was doing! Without pause I said I was checking her mom for ticks. LOL! We live in the country and had a problem with ticks anyway so she bought it hook line and sinker.
> As she grew up we were always affectionate in front of her. We didn’t make talking about sex a bad thing. We were open with her and were always able to talk with her about sex. Going to church every Sunday also helped out. I proud of her, she just turned twenty one and has only had sex two times. She tells her mom everything even when my wife would rather not hear all the details.


Checking for ticks! :rofl:


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## romantic_guy (Nov 8, 2011)

SimplyAmorous said:


> It's more in our openness, the overt affection they see on a daily basis...
> 
> A few weeks ago... 2nd son was helping me & Dad put up an Gazebo (lots of screws, nuts & bolting going on)..... they were right in front of me on bended knee facing each other tightening up the poles on the ground ....
> 
> ...


I love this attitude...and I applaud all of you who have such an openness regarding sexuality in the home. Or kids should learn that married sex is awesome and that mom and dad have a great ex life. In my opinion the opposite of this is what contributes to the breakdown do marriage in our society. Why would I want to get married if it leads to a non-sexual relationship? 

Where else will our kids see a model of a loving, affectionate marriage?

By the way, I have answered our grown sons in a similar manner about needing a screw...among other things. All three know that we have an active sex life.


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## doubletrouble (Apr 23, 2013)

Our bedroom and living room shared a common wall. We'd be having sex in the bedroom and the kids, normally out in what we all called "the 3rd room" were instead sitting in the living room watching TV. And hearing us have sex. Later they said geez, you guys keep it down a little? We said where else are we supposed to do it? You can always leave the living room or TURN UP THE TV.

So the kid and her friends ALL knew about our sex life...


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## hambone (Mar 30, 2013)

When I was dating my Wife. We are riding along... 10 Year old Step-daughter is riding in the back seat. Out of the blue, she asked her mom, "Mom, what is oral sex".

I'm thinking..."Ha ha ha... (I'm chuckling inside)...... glad she didn't' ask me... this ought to be interesting".

Maybe she saw the smirk on my face...

And her Mother, says, "I don't know.. (points at me) He's pretty smart.... ask him!"..... So she asked me..

And at this point... I'm thinking, "sheit!!! She's not my kid." I had no children and had no clue how to handle it... So, I winged it.

"Uh... uh... well...um... let's see..uh... Oral is uh mouth... Sex... well... I guess it's kissing!".

She nodded her head ... Whoo hoo... I'm off the hook!


UNTIL... about 2 or 3 years later.

Wife and step get into an argument... Something to do with maybe home work... or what was for supper... it was something pretty mundane. It escalates... All of the sudden... right in the middle of fussing at her mother..without slowing down... without missing a beat.... She turns to me and says, "And ANOTHER thing!!!! Oral Sex is NOT kissing!!!!!". Then right back to fussing with her mother.


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

gbrad said:


> I am surprised people have sex during the day with kids in the house. I can't even fathom doing that. The kids either need to be asleep or at someone elses house. I would have no desire for my kids to know that was happening.


Got home one day and saw there were no kids in the house. Got an attack of the randies and we scooted upstairs. The dirty deed was done with much yelling and whooping and groaning.

Went downstairs to find my youngest son in the kitchen. "Dad, did you have to make so much noise. I was out in the garden and you had the window open"

(Our bedroom backs on to our garden.)

So I said, "Well you know that mum and I regularly play Mr Wobbly hides his helmet, don't you?"

"Yes" he said, "but my friends didn't."

Just then about a half dozen of his friends shuffle into the kitchen with a look of  on their faces.


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## Sennik (Feb 15, 2011)

Anon Pink said:


> I still have a 20 something and a 13 year old home. Of course the older one is rarely home but yes, they both know. When the older one graduated from college and moved back, we forgot to lock the bedroom door. She heard noises and walked in. Then quickly backed out whispering sorry sorry sorry... later I laughed with her. "really, been away at college and those noises were unfamiliar?" There are other times the 13 year old would scoot down stairs to tell my sister, "Mom and Dad are in the shower making funny noises again."


When our oldest was 5 he had gone to our neighbor's place to play with his friend. So of course it was time for a quickie. I too forgot to lock the door.

Not long _enough_ later the door opened. He didn't say a word, but his eyes were huge. He backed out and shut the door.

Later in the week I overheard him telling the neighbor boy 'If your parent's bedroom door is shut, don't EVER open it'.

I haven't forgotten to lock the door since.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

hambone said:


> ... She turns to me and says, "And ANOTHER thing!!!! Oral Sex is NOT kissing!!!!!". Then right back to fussing with her mother.


:lol:

You probably looked as if you were about to take mother's side so she shut you down buddy!

Never underestimate the verbal arguing power of a 13 year old girl!


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Sennik said:


> When our oldest was 5 he had gone to our neighbor's place to play with his friend. So of course it was time for a quickie. I too forgot to lock the door.
> 
> Not long _enough_ later the door opened. He didn't say a word, but his eyes were huge. He backed out and shut the door.
> 
> ...



Word!


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

WyshIknew said:


> Got home one day and saw there were no kids in the house. Got an attack of the randies and we scooted upstairs. The dirty deed was done with much yelling and whooping and groaning.
> 
> Went downstairs to find my youngest son in the kitchen. "Dad, did you have to make so much noise. I was out in the garden and you had the window open"
> 
> ...


Mr. Wobbly?

I prefer Sargent Stiffy!


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## hambone (Mar 30, 2013)

Anon Pink said:


> :lol:
> 
> You probably looked as if you were about to take mother's side so she shut you down buddy!
> 
> Never underestimate the verbal arguing power of a 13 year old girl!


Yeah,,, it was like a machine gun... she didn't miss a beat... just swung that gun in my direction... hit me with a few rounds and right back at her mother.


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

samyeagar said:


> Gotta love the texts right in the middle of things from the 17yo step daughter..."Is that all you guys do? You're shaking the whole house again!" Yeah, they know


Well that's a segue for me....

Make sure that it's actually wifey on the other end texting back and not your 17 y/o who's translating for you as wifey drives before sending explicit texts.


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## Wiltshireman (Jan 23, 2013)

Of course kids know if their parents are having sex, it’s just that some of the kids do not like to let on that they know or are embarrassed by it.

When our daughters were 12 & 13 they left us a signed note on our bedside table.

"We do not mind that you two are having SEX but please can you keep the noise down also please remember that we do not want anymore little BROTHERS"

The CAPS were their’s.

The note did not work in the long run as they now 3 younger brothers.


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

Anon Pink said:


> Mr. Wobbly?
> 
> I prefer Sargent Stiffy!


:toast:


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

Oh, I'm sure. She'd make comments on how disgusting it was. We have a lock on our door. When the younger kids keep knocking over and over, it's kinda a mood killer. You'd think they'd know better by now. The younger kids are heading into their teens. I'm sure they have a clue too. Hubby and I will also lock the door if we need to discuss something not in front of the kids.


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## Red2 (Apr 28, 2013)

gbrad said:


> Oh my goodness, I could never have spoken about something like that around my parents. To joke about that at 13, no way.


I prefer that my kid has the self confidence to joke about sex with me, because that means that she will have the confidence to turn to me later with any questions. I'd rather answer any and all uncomfortable questions about sex now than have her turn up pregnant later because she is misinformed or misguided by her peers. Sex is part of life, a VERY GOOD PART indeed, married couples are supposed to have sex (with each other, that is).


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## Created2Write (Aug 25, 2011)

No kids, but we've had some interesting experiences nonetheless. 

One time hubs and I are going at it, he is on top, making our own video and everything, and the kitten jumps on the bed and lays down on my husbands naked butt. roflmao. I could not stop laughing. 

Shortly after getting married, FIL gave hubs his old phone. Apparently he forgot to delete his text messages, cause hubs was looking through them and all of a sudden I hear, "No! No, no NO!" I look up from my computer and ask, "What?" He hands me the phone...

"You going to stick your trick in my treat?"

lmao. lmao. lmao. 

Another time we were staying at my parents house, and hubs and I are in our room talking and all of a sudden we hear noises. We laugh quietly to ourselves and decide to go for a drive. The next morning I looked at my dad and said, "SO, you guys had fun last night! Kinda lough, though..." My dad laughed and looked at my mom: "I TOLD you to keep it down!"

My mom was MORTIFIED. Hubs, dad and I just laughed.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

larry.gray said:


> Well that's a segue for me....
> 
> Make sure that it's actually wifey on the other end texting back and not your 17 y/o who's translating for you as wifey drives before sending explicit texts.


OMG that happened to me too! 13 year old hands me my cell, she uses it because she is not allowed to have her own yet, and says, "I swear I didn't look, but you have a message from Dad..." I have never told my husband his 13 year old saw that um ..message. He would die a 1000 deaths!


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Created2Write said:


> Another time we were staying at my parents house, and hubs and I are in our room talking and all of a sudden we hear noises. We laugh quietly to ourselves and decide to go for a drive. The next morning I looked at my dad and said, "SO, you guys had fun last night! Kinda lough, though..." My dad laughed and looked at my mom: "I TOLD you to keep it down!"
> 
> My mom was MORTIFIED. Hubs, dad and I just laughed.



Perfect, just what this thread needed! To hear first hand account of how parents sex life DOESN'T damage the kids! Awesome contribution C2W!


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## Created2Write (Aug 25, 2011)

Anon Pink said:


> Perfect, just what this thread needed! To hear first hand account of how parents sex life DOESN'T damage the kids! Awesome contribution C2W!


Well, hubs and I had been married three years at that point, which involved us doing it a lot so there was no damage that could be had. lol.

As a _kid_ my parents always locked the door. Looking back on my childhood, I can see so many situations when my parents were having sex and I didn't know it...they said they were going to "talk". lol. I was so naive, and didn't think my parents would lie, that I believed them up through age 17. 

I TOTALLY want my future kids to know about my husband and my awesome sex life. I don't want sex to make them awkward or uncomfortable.


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## hambone (Mar 30, 2013)

Created2Write said:


> Well, hubs and I had been married three years at that point, which involved us doing it a lot so there was no damage that could be had. lol.
> 
> As a _kid_ my parents always locked the door. Looking back on my childhood, I can see so many situations when my parents were having sex and I didn't know it...they said they were going to "talk". lol. I was so naive, and didn't think my parents would lie, that I believed them up through age 17.
> 
> I TOTALLY want my future kids to know about my husband and my awesome sex life. I don't want sex to make them awkward or uncomfortable.


After church a few months back.. my wife and I decided to take a "nap". We... "napped" for about 45 minutes... maybe an hour. When we walk out of the bedroom, our 20 year old son happened to be walking down the hall and he nonchalantly said, without even making eye, "I know what ya'll were doing".


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

My daughter did learn never to tell us "go get a room."

When I came home, I gave my wife a rather passionate kiss. Our 13 y/o calls out "would you two just get a room."

I reply "OK, as you wish." I grab my wife and off we go to the bedroom. When we come back out about 45 minutes later the 13 y/o is just drops her head into her hands and shakes it back and forth.

One month later we find out wifey is pregnant. We don't know for sure, but the timing was that it could have been that time. We now tell her that her little brother or sister should thank her someday.


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## gbrad (Jul 20, 2010)

Red2 said:


> I prefer that my kid has the self confidence to joke about sex with me, because that means that she will have the confidence to turn to me later with any questions. I'd rather answer any and all uncomfortable questions about sex now than have her turn up pregnant later because she is misinformed or misguided by her peers. Sex is part of life, a VERY GOOD PART indeed, married couples are supposed to have sex (with each other, that is).


I get the idea of kids (at a certain age) understanding that sex is apart of marriage, and apart of a good marriage at that. But I don't think the kids in the house need to know when it is literally happening in the moment with the parents. That is not necessary. Knowing that it happens is different than knowing it is happening right now on the other side of that door.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

gbrad said:


> I get the idea of kids (at a certain age) understanding that sex is apart of marriage, and apart of a good marriage at that. But I don't think the kids in the house need to know when it is literally happening in the moment with the parents. That is not necessary. Knowing that it happens is different than knowing it is happening right now on the other side of that door.


Oh poo! You sound a little bit like my husband. 

Sex is done in private, but it is NOT EVER something to hide. Too many people confuse the two. 

When we use the toilet, we shut the door. But there is no need to hide or disguise the reason WHY we shut the bathroom door. Everyone eliminates, no one should feel shame about that. 

Married couples have sex, pretending otherwise sends a signal that there is something shameful about having sex with your spouse. Showing affection and a moderate amount of passion in front of your kids teaches them that this behavior is acceptable and good for married people.


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## Red2 (Apr 28, 2013)

gbrad said:


> I get the idea of kids (at a certain age) understanding that sex is apart of marriage, and apart of a good marriage at that. But I don't think the kids in the house need to know when it is literally happening in the moment with the parents. That is not necessary. Knowing that it happens is different than knowing it is happening right now on the other side of that door.


I respect your point of view. Having said that, it is not that we advertise that we are going to have sex. The kid is very smart, she figures it out and she is not shy voicing her opinion!

Also, you mentioned before that you prefer to wait until your kids are either asleep or out of the house. If I could, I would do that.... Honestly, my 13 year old NEVER goes to sleep before I do. She is a night owl. After we turn the internet off in the evening, she stays up to draw or read books until 11pm. I am exhausted by 9pm. Also, she is a homebody, it is very rare that she is out of the house. In fact, my husband and I went to a hotel last week just to spend a night away in privacy, it was fabulous, but expensive, can't do that too often.


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## LoriC (Feb 18, 2013)

I am really loving everyones stories here. Some of them are so funny. Honestly, I'm just over trying to be quiet and only do it when the kids arent around or sleeping. Mine are going on 18 & 21. I dont think its really necessary to hide it. 

Both of my boys know our marriage was in big trouble last year and they were devestated. This is a happy turn of events for them. So yeah, I'm not quiet and dont plan on quieting down any time now.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

The noise and the fact that the teens know what we are doing doesn't bother me at all. You gotta love giving them the look that says "Yeah. Thats right..." 

My SO and I spent last weekend at my parents house because my Aunt was visiting from out of state. She had the bedroom we usually have and so we had to take the other bedroom that has a twin bed. Mom told us to be careful on it because she didn't know if it would be strong enough to take both of us. My SO went four shares of red, but she still got bent over it later that night  We sort of forgot about the C0ckatiel in the room that is a very fast learner, and a VERY good mimic...


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## gbrad (Jul 20, 2010)

Anon Pink said:


> Oh poo! You sound a little bit like my husband.
> 
> Sex is done in private, but it is NOT EVER something to hide. Too many people confuse the two.
> 
> ...


Ooh poo? What is that. I completely agree with your comment about showing affection and some passion in front of the kids. Yes that teaches acceptable and good behavior. Flaunting that you had sex, is beyond unnecessary. Again I say, it is fine if the kids know it happens because they should know that sex is had in marriage (that is where it belongs), but what purpose is there for the kids to know that it is happening right now on the other side of the wall? There is no need for them to know in the moment. If an accidental walking in on it late at night happens, that is understandable. But doing it in the middle of the day while they are home and they know it is happening, to me that is irresponsible.


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## gbrad (Jul 20, 2010)

LoriC said:


> I am really loving everyones stories here. Some of them are so funny. Honestly, I'm just over trying to be quiet and only do it when the kids arent around or sleeping. Mine are going on 18 & 21. I dont think its really necessary to hide it.
> 
> Both of my boys know our marriage was in big trouble last year and they were devestated. This is a happy turn of events for them. So yeah, I'm not quiet and dont plan on quieting down any time now.


At 18 and 21 the boys are of college age, so I see no need to hide anything from them at that point. They are of an acceptable sexual activity age and the way the topic is handled at that point is different. But when younger, especially middle school and early high school, that is different.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

LoriC said:


> So, I was dusting the livingroom table when I noticed my son's iPad blinking. Here is what it said on his twitter from him "Every night I come home my parents are fvcking, WHY????????"


That tweet is funny! :rofl:


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## LoriC (Feb 18, 2013)

Jellybeans said:


> That tweet is funny! :rofl:


I thought so too. My H was mortified!


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## Created2Write (Aug 25, 2011)

gbrad said:


> Ooh poo? What is that. I completely agree with your comment about showing affection and some passion in front of the kids. Yes that teaches acceptable and good behavior. Flaunting that you had sex, is beyond unnecessary.


Totally disagree. I wish my parents had flaunted it. I would not have been so naive about sex if I'd grown up _knowing_ that my parents were hot for each other, and that that is normal. I intend for my kids to know. 



> Again I say, it is fine if the kids know it happens because they should know that sex is had in marriage (that is where it belongs), but what purpose is there for the kids to know that it is happening right now on the other side of the wall? There is no need for them to know in the moment.


Sure there is. It's one thing to _think_ mom and dad have sex...but if they never see or hear it, how are they going to know they do? That was the way I grew up. Mom _said_ sex was for marriage, but even if their door was closed I couldn't tell if they were sleeping, or in the shower...I never once _knew_ for a fact that they were having sex. As a result, there were so many things about marriage, and sex in particular, that I just didn't know. I actually felt guilty about wanting sex, and feeling like I would burst if I couldn't have it. I didn't know that was normal, because I never knew how often my parents did it.



> If an accidental walking in on it late at night happens, that is understandable. But doing it in the middle of the day while they are home and they know it is happening, to me that is irresponsible.


To me, that is freaking awesome. It shows that the parents have to have each other right then, and can't wait until later. THAT is the kind of marriage I want my kids growing up around.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

gbrad said:


> At 18 and 21 the boys are of college age, so I see no need to hide anything from them at that point. They are of an acceptable sexual activity age and the way the topic is handled at that point is different. But when younger, especially middle school and early high school, that is different.


I disagree for two reasons.

First and most important, I will NOT allow the fact that they are awake in at home stop Mr. Pink and I from enjoying ourselves. I will not allow anything as mundane as children in the home to prevent a wonderful, loving and right sexual connection from taking place!

Second, middle school is where the general attitudes about sex begin to develop into adult understanding. if marrital sex remains an abstract idea at this point in development, it mystifies sex into the realm of the hidden. yes, they know their parents had sex at some point, but when they occasionally hear sex noises, it simply means that sex is an ongoing part of a good marriage. And THAT message can be best conveyed through appropriate exposure.

When it comes to child development, I know what I am talking about.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

My older daughter put up a Facebook status along the lines of "FML, my 50 year old parents have more sex than me.." then she tagged me and said something about noises or thin walls... The comments underneath were absolutely hysterical! And every single one was positive, from both her friends and my friends.


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## Bellavista (May 29, 2012)

When I was younger & naive, I thought that once you got over 40 then sex pretty well stopped. I have NEVER seen or heard any evidence of my parents having any type of sex life, except for the existence of my brother & I.
Maybe, if there had been some evidence, I might not have grown up with my totally screwed up ideas of sex that have taken years to work through. I am not saying they should have been flaunting it for the world to see, but perhaps sex should not be the 'shameful' secret that married couples hide.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

gbrad said:


> Ooh poo? What is that. I completely agree with your comment about showing affection and some passion in front of the kids. Yes that teaches acceptable and good behavior. Flaunting that you had sex, is beyond unnecessary. Again I say, it is fine if the kids know it happens because they should know that sex is had in marriage (that is where it belongs), but what purpose is there for the kids to know that it is happening right now on the other side of the wall? There is no need for them to know in the moment. If an accidental walking in on it late at night happens, that is understandable. But doing it in the middle of the day while they are home and they know it is happening, to me that is irresponsible.


Flaunting? By having sex with my husband, the man I love? I think it is irresponsible to completely hide it from children when they are younger. And, I'll tell ya something else. If a man (or woman, even) has sexual issues...i.e. ED, then you ABSOLUTELY take advantage of the opportunity, no matter what time of day. If he's in the mood in the middle of the day, you'd be stupid not to take advantage, if you want sex. Middle of the night... ANY time, really. And there is NO reason to keep it so far under wraps when the kids are young that they find it a SHOCK once they get older. To me, THAT would be irresponsible... shocking them later in life!



gbrad said:


> At 18 and 21 the boys are of college age, so I see no need to hide anything from them at that point. They are of an acceptable sexual activity age and the way the topic is handled at that point is different. But when younger, especially middle school and early high school, that is different.


So wrong...so very wrong. See, I have a child in middle school. That boy is AFRAID to say the word SEX. Afraid! His 6 year old sister is not. She says it's a weird word, but it doesn't even faze her. My oldest (12) has only ever known about mom and dad sex as an abstract thought... only ever while he was sleeping, at night, when he was younger. It has only been in recent years, since his sister and brother (6 & 5) became toddlers that we have ventured into sex in the middle of the day, whether they were home or not. Now, the 12 year old is afraid of even SAYING the word "sex"... the 6 and 5 year old kids giggle in the hallway. Do you think they will be afraid of that word when they are 12? Doubtful. And now, we have the hard task of showing our oldest that it is a normal, wonderful thing instead of something to be feared.

So, I absolutely disagree that it should be hidden from children. That does NOT mean I think parents should be doing it with the doors open, obviously! But there is NOTHING wrong with having a nooner, even with the kids home!!


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## gbrad (Jul 20, 2010)

My entire being cringes while reading some of these comments. Kids can be made aware, at an appropriate age, that sex happens in marriage and that mom and dad have sex. I would never go have a nooner in the other room with adults around, let alone with the kids sitting in the living room knowing its happening. Kids can see parents be loving and passionate with one another in person without having to hear sex sounds. Kids can see passion (and as they are getting older start to understand it) and know that mom and dad have sex without knowing when it happens. There is a difference in hiding the action and hiding the complete knowledge of it. 
At 6 I would rather my kids not be saying the word sex and at 12 or 13 I don't want it to be apart of everyday conversation with them.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

gbrad said:


> My entire being cringes while reading some of these comments. Kids can be made aware, at an appropriate age, that sex happens in marriage and that mom and dad have sex. I would never go have a nooner in the other room with adults around, let alone with the kids sitting in the living room knowing its happening. Kids can see parents be loving and passionate with one another in person without having to hear sex sounds. Kids can see passion (and as they are getting older start to understand it) and know that mom and dad have sex without knowing when it happens. There is a difference in hiding the action and hiding the complete knowledge of it.
> At 6 I would rather my kids not be saying the word sex and at 12 or 13 I don't want it to be apart of everyday conversation with them.


You do realize that by 4th grade, sex is a part of their everyday conversation right? I think it is a good thing for them to realize sex in a positive home environment to counter the unhealthy sexuality they are exposed to on a daily basis.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Funny, gbrad, I cringe when I see someone saying that it should be avoided when the kids are home. Oh, and I HAVE gone into the bedroom when other adults were around. When we were staying with my parents until we found an apartment of our own after we moved, we shared a bedroom, even our BED, with the two younger kids. There was NO WAY we would have been able to have sex at night, while they slept. And before you try saying "well, you could have waited until you got into your own place..." HELL NO! It was four MONTHS before we found our own place. I'm sorry, but there's no way in hell I am going to ABSTAIN from sex with my own husband! You know what else is funny? I am now able to laugh and joke about sexual things with my parents. 

Now, I wasn't saying I wanted it part of everyday conversation, necessarily. I just believe that they should not be AFRAID of saying it. I have no problem with my 6 year old saying the word sex... I would, however, have a BIG problem with her saying the word "f*ck". BIG DIFFERENCE there. It does not mean I am promoting promiscuity. It does not mean I am advocating having sex early on. Quite the contrary, actually. I just think the subject should be open between parents and kids. And I prefer *I* tell them about sex rather than them finding out the WRONG information first!


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

gbrad said:


> My entire being cringes while reading some of these comments. Kids can be made aware, at an appropriate age, that sex happens in marriage and that mom and dad have sex. I would never go have a nooner in the other room with adults around, let alone with the kids sitting in the living room knowing its happening. Kids can see parents be loving and passionate with one another in person without having to hear sex sounds. Kids can see passion (and as they are getting older start to understand it) and know that mom and dad have sex without knowing when it happens. There is a difference in hiding the action and hiding the complete knowledge of it.
> At 6 I would rather my kids not be saying the word sex and at 12 or 13 I don't want it to be apart of everyday conversation with them.


My SO and I have done it during the day with other adults around, and I gurantee the dressing room attendant didn't hear a thing 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Created2Write (Aug 25, 2011)

samyeagar said:


> You do realize that by 4th grade, sex is a part of their everyday conversation right? I think it is a good thing for them to realize sex in a positive home environment to counter the unhealthy sexuality they are exposed to on a daily basis.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I was in fifth grade when my elementary school introduced sex ed. My parents pulled me out of it. 

I wish they hadn't, quite frankly. Cause then I wouldn't have been 17, thinking that sex was something that happened in your sleep.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Created2Write said:


> I was in fifth grade when my elementary school introduced sex ed. My parents pulled me out of it.
> 
> I wish they hadn't, quite frankly. Cause then I wouldn't have been 17, thinking that sex was something that happened in your sleep.


They began with the "this is what your body is doing now that you are entering puberty" in 5th grade here. They had the video a couple weeks ago and I let my son watch it. I had the option to keep him out, and even to view it myself. But I let him. And I will do the same for my other two as well. It isn't something to be ashamed of. And I want them to know that.


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## Created2Write (Aug 25, 2011)

Maricha75 said:


> Funny, gbrad, I cringe when I see someone saying that it should be avoided when the kids are home. Oh, and I HAVE gone into the bedroom when other adults were around. When we were staying with my parents until we found an apartment of our own after we moved, we shared a bedroom, even our BED, with the two younger kids. There was NO WAY we would have been able to have sex at night, while they slept. And before you try saying "well, you could have waited until you got into your own place..." HELL NO! It was four MONTHS before we found our own place. I'm sorry, but there's no way in hell I am going to ABSTAIN from sex with my own husband! You know what else is funny? I am now able to laugh and joke about sexual things with my parents.
> 
> Now, I wasn't saying I wanted it part of everyday conversation, necessarily. I just believe that they should not be AFRAID of saying it. I have no problem with my 6 year old saying the word sex... I would, however, have a BIG problem with her saying the word "f*ck". BIG DIFFERENCE there. It does not mean I am promoting promiscuity. It does not mean I am advocating having sex early on. Quite the contrary, actually. I just think the subject should be open between parents and kids. And I prefer *I* tell them about sex rather than them finding out the WRONG information first!


We lived with my parents for two years when hubs was jobless. Did it as often as we could manage. It's not like my parents didn't have sex either, and their bedroom was right next to ours. 

This idea of trying to hide sex from our kids is absurd to me. My mom wondered why my brother and I never asked her about sex, and THAT is the reason. Mom and dad didn't talk about it, we never heard them do it, never heard them talk about doing it...for all we knew, they _weren't_ doing it. It was almost an unspoken idea that sex was something you just did not mention. 

WILL NOT happen with my kids. Heck, I talk about sex to my virgin friends all the time. I want the people closest to me to know that I have sex with my husband, especially the women my age. Most of my friends aren't married and are virgins. One is engaged, the other is in a dating relationship, and I don't want either of them to feel guilty about sex like I did. And my guilt didn't come in until after marriage, when my sex drive shot over the roof. It took reading about sex in books my mother would have spanked me for reading that I finally saw how _natural_ it is to have *passionate* sexual cravings. 

I have a healthy sexuality now because I understand it. My kids won't go through what I did. Others can "cringe" all they want, but until you've been laughed at and mocked as a young adult for thinking that sex happens in your sleep, or being laughed at by a guy you really like for not knowing what foreplay meant, and you're nineteen years old, then it's not your place to judge.


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## Created2Write (Aug 25, 2011)

Maricha75 said:


> They began with the "this is what your body is doing now that you are entering puberty" in 5th grade here. They had the video a couple weeks ago and I let my son watch it. I had the option to keep him out, and even to view it myself. But I let him. And I will do the same for my other two as well. It isn't something to be ashamed of. And I want them to know that.


This was exactly the message it sent. As a kid I didn't know the difference, but as a teen I thought about sex A LOT. I didn't have any sexual urges until 18, but I still thought about it...what it would be like...the idea of a man being inside of me like that...and all of this wrapped around my horribly naive idea that I would actually be asleep. 

How different my view would have been if I had known differently! No one told me that, at a certain age, I would start getting butterflies "down there" when I saw the guy I liked. No one told me what arousal was. I was twenty, and didn't even know what oral sex was! No joke. I thought it had something to do with the breasts. If I had known what it really was, I probably would have stayed a virgin until marriage. But I DIDN'T know, so when hubs(then boyfriend) was fingering me there, I couldn't explain the sensations I was getting! Then, we he said he "wanted to put his mouth on that", I STILL didn't know what he meant. I thought he was crazy...As soon as he was down there, it hit me...."THIS is oral sex! Oh my gosh, he's giving me oral sex!" I started to stop him, but it felt too good to stop. 

If my parents hadn't been so discreet, I would have felt more comfortable asking what a handjob was, what oral sex was.


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## OhGeesh (Jan 5, 2010)

Of course they know, but it's a unspoken word. What else does a teen think when their parents bedroom door is locked?

We do purposely stay quiet no crazy monkey sex. Thank gosh my wife has never been a loud lover anyway......so it's no big deal for me!


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## FrenchFry (Oct 10, 2011)

Oh man gbrad. I remember in second grade sitting with my Girl Scout friends in our playground tunnel trying to piece together what the word "sex" was. Kids are hella savvy and while you may not want them to know about sex at 6-7-8 they already are getting the idea.

My son is 2, so while he has the tendency to barge in, he's more like "mommy boobie!" than anything else. However, despite my parents also not being shy about their sex life at all, my final lesson was coming home the first time after I went away for school...unannounced and without knocking. I now call every single time and give a specific timeframe. I learned my lesson, finally.

(also, I am not scarred. My parents are inspirational.)


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## Red2 (Apr 28, 2013)

gbrad said:


> At 6 I would rather my kids not be saying the word sex and at 12 or 13 I don't want it to be apart of everyday conversation with them.


My daughter asked me about how babies are born when she was 8. I explained it to her. I am sure she didn't understand half of it, but what she understood was that her mom WILL answer her questions about babies and sex. The subject is part of life, not taboo. What was I supposed to say? 'Wait till you are 15 and then I'll explain it?' 

Not to mention the fact that she started her first period on her 11th birthday. She didn't freak out because she already knew what it was. On the other hand, I clearly remember how mortified I was when I started my period at the same age, I cried for a week and thought I was dying because noone bothered to explain it to me.

I haven't shown her a video of an actual birth yet, but I will in a couple of years. She needs to know what could be the result of unprotected sex...


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## jerseygirl123 (Jun 1, 2013)

This is my second marriage. In my first marriage, my husband just drifted away from me. I made Sunday afternoon a mandatory sex day. The kids were teens, and I guess they came upstairs, and later that night there were lots of snickers. 

In my second marriage, his now 14 year old mentioned a few years ago that she could hear everything we said from her bedroom. I have a fairly good idea what she meant.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

FrenchFry said:


> Oh man gbrad. I remember in second grade sitting with my Girl Scout friends in our playground tunnel trying to piece together what the word "sex" was. Kids are hella savvy and while you may not want them to know about sex at 6-7-8 they already are getting the idea.
> 
> My son is 2, so while he has the tendency to barge in, he's more like "mommy boobie!" than anything else. However, despite my parents also not being shy about their sex life at all, my final lesson was coming home the first time after I went away for school...unannounced and without knocking.* I now call every single time and give a specific timeframe*. I learned my lesson, finally.
> 
> (also, I am not scarred. My parents are inspirational.)


The kids in the house know to let us know when they are going to be home, or at least give us a few minutes heads up. 

The broader picture is that kids are going to have sex, and it is important thay they have a healty attitude about it beyond just the nuts and bolts. Seeing it in a healthy relationship wil help them make better decisions about what's right and what's wrong, and they will be more likely to have a healthy sex life as well.


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## Shoto1984 (Apr 11, 2009)

This thread makes me think of how things used to be. Not too long ago, and for ages going back into history, it was common for a whole family to live in one room. People usually had large families so imagine 6,7,8 kids and mom and dad all sleeping in close quarters. I'm sure the older kids all got to listen to the younger one's being made.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Kids learn by example from birth. They learn to smile, they learn to talk, to read, to count...sex is no different.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Shoto1984 said:


> This thread makes me think of how things used to be. Not too long ago, and for ages going back into history, it was common for a whole family to live in one room. People usually had large families so imagine 6,7,8 kids and mom and dad all sleeping in close quarters. I'm sure the older kids all got to listen to the younger one's being made.


It wasn't that long ago... about three years to be more precise... and we shared one bedroom with all of our children. I homeschooled the oldest for kindergarten and first grade but put him in regular school for second grade after he stopped listening to me as his teacher the first time through 2nd grade. We had our daughter home all day at that point because she was still a baby/toddler. We were sharing an apartment with MIL and BIL, who each had their own rooms. And, since we lived together for two years, there was NO WAY were were gonna go without for that long! That would be absurd! :rofl: 
So, the choices were to let MIL watch the baby (babies) for a bit while we had our time alone....or we go into the attached bathroom every night.... Sorry, we like variety. Bathroom sex is fine occasionally, but I like the bed too.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Plus, with all the crap kids put you through as a parent, it's fun to get a little back...walking into the living room with a look on your face that says "Yeah, I just banged the hell out of your mom" The eye rolling is priceless 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Maricha75 said:


> It wasn't that long ago... about three years to be more precise... and we shared one bedroom with all of our children. I homeschooled the oldest for kindergarten and first grade but put him in regular school for second grade after he stopped listening to me as his teacher the first time through 2nd grade. We had our daughter home all day at that point because she was still a baby/toddler. We were sharing an apartment with MIL and BIL, who each had their own rooms. And, since we lived together for two years, there was NO WAY were were gonna go without for that long! That would be absurd! :rofl:
> So, the choices were to let MIL watch the baby (babies) for a bit while we had our time alone....or we go into the attached bathroom every night.... *Sorry, we like variety. Bathroom sex is fine occasionally, but I like the bed too*.


Variety is very nice, but way over rated sometimes. Over the side of the couch is good, but I'd take the bed over standing in the shower any day 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## hambone (Mar 30, 2013)

samyeagar said:


> Variety is very nice, but way over rated sometimes. Over the side of the couch is good, but I'd take the bed over standing in the shower any day
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yall know the three stages of married sex?

1st stage... House Sex. When you're newlyweds... you do it all over the house. Den, kitchen table, Dining room etc. etc.

2nd stage... Bedroom Sex. After you've been married a while you settle into a routine and have sex in the bed.

3rd stage... Hall Sex. After you've been married 30-40 years... when you pass each other in the hall... She looks him in the eye and says, "screw you!" and he replies.. "Yeah well, fvck you". 


It's a joke, just in case you didn't catch it...


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

samyeagar said:


> Plus, with all the crap kids put you through as a parent, it's fun to get a little back...walking into the living room with a look on your face that says "Yeah, I just banged the hell out of your mom" The eye rolling is priceless
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Truth!


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## gbrad (Jul 20, 2010)

I understand what kids are aware of at different ages. My issue, as I have continued to state, is not with kids not knowing about sex or that their parents have sex, it is that they don't need to know it is happening right now in the other room. To me, the only people who do that are college kids because you want the other guys in the hall to know you are having sex. 
I work with kids, I am a PE teacher, so I see and hear what a wide variety of kids do over a variety of ages. I have watched kids change in their attitudes and their language as they age. 5th grade is also the time when classes are shown the sex ed videos here, but it is just about how they change with puberty. At that age most kids are not talking about sex. There is some "dating" that starts and even some kissing, but based on what I have seen and heard, very few kids even talk beyond that until they get to middle school. I have worked at both the elementary and middle school level and there is certainly a major change that occurs at the middle school age when it comes towards sex. I think at this age, sex should still be some what of a mystery to kids. While it is good that they know some things about it, they don't need to know everything yet. As for their parents, they should be aware that their parents have sex. But this goes along the lines of, when those "talks" start coming up with kids (I never really had an types of sex talks with my parents at all) that concept of sex and that it does happen in a healthy and happy marriage is important to bring up. But also that it is a private matter between 2 consenting adults. 
I would have never wanted to know when my parents were having sex, I knew as a kid that they did. I didn't know how often or when it actually happened, and I didn't to know. Today, I know that they have sex, though I don't like thinking about it, because at their age, I don't think they should be as often as they probably do.


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## gbrad (Jul 20, 2010)

samyeagar said:


> T
> 
> *The broader picture is that kids are going to have sex,* and it is important thay they have a healty attitude about it beyond just the nuts and bolts. Seeing it in a healthy relationship wil help them make better decisions about what's right and what's wrong, and they will be more likely to have a healthy sex life as well.


I sure hope they aren't going to be having sex while they are still kids. Personally I believe it is very important to teach them to wait. If they can wait until marriage that would be ideal. At the minimum they need to wait until they are actually a consenting adult.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

gbrad said:


> I understand what kids are aware of at different ages. My issue, as I have continued to state, is not with kids not knowing about sex or that their parents have sex, it is that they don't need to know it is happening right now in the other room. To me, the only people who do that are college kids because you want the other guys in the hall to know you are having sex.
> I work with kids, I am a PE teacher, so I see and hear what a wide variety of kids do over a variety of ages. I have watched kids change in their attitudes and their language as they age. 5th grade is also the time when classes are shown the sex ed videos here, but it is just about how they change with puberty. At that age most kids are not talking about sex. There is some "dating" that starts and even some kissing, but based on what I have seen and heard, very few kids even talk beyond that until they get to middle school. I have worked at both the elementary and middle school level and there is certainly a major change that occurs at the middle school age when it comes towards sex. I think at this age, sex should still be some what of a mystery to kids. While it is good that they know some things about it, they don't need to know everything yet. As for their parents, they should be aware that their parents have sex. But this goes along the lines of, when those "talks" start coming up with kids *(I never really had an types of sex talks with my parents at all) *that concept of sex and that it does happen in a healthy and happy marriage is important to bring up. But also that it is a private matter between 2 consenting adults.
> I would have never wanted to know when my parents were having sex, I knew as a kid that they did. I didn't know how often or when it actually happened, and I didn't to know. Today, I know that they have sex, though I don't like thinking about it, because *at their age, I don't think they should be as often as they probably do.*


First, why? Why does it matter to you how much sex your parents may or may not be having? Who are you to say how much is right for them? You have no say in how much sex ANY couple has, and that includes your own parents. Man...you would cringe if you heard the conversations I have had with my parents! I know about the issues dad has had for years. I know that he has tried viagra, to no avail. Why do I know about the viagra? Because there were times when I had to get some of his other medications out of the cabinet for him... kinda hard to miss the name viagra when searching for a specific bottle or two. But now, they are in their early 60s. And because of health issues (on his part), they are not active. However, it is reassuring to know that if it weren't for that, they'd be active at their age. 

As for the second part in bold... I think that's a big part of why you feel the way you do about this subject... because you never really talked about sex with your parents. By being open with my children about sex, I am hoping to avoid the whole "sex is a taboo subject" with them.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

You're right, they don't NEED to know Mom and Dad are having sex.

"Pardon me, children. While you all sit quietly watching TV, your mother and I are going to go to the bedroom and engage in sexual intercourse. Please behave yourselves until we come back."

Thats NEED to know info delivery.

But, if you and spouse quietly slip away while kids are otherwise engaged, and the kids happen to figure out what is happening behind closed and locked doors, that is inferred info delivery. That is the kind of example of what a healthy loving marriage looks like and that is a healthy and good thing to do.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Anon Pink said:


> You're right, they don't NEED to know Mom and Dad are having sex.
> 
> "Pardon me, children. While you all sit quietly watching TV, your mother and I are going to go to the bedroom and engage in sexual intercourse. Please behave yourselves until we come back."
> 
> ...


YES!!!

:iagree::allhail::iagree:


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## gbrad (Jul 20, 2010)

Anon Pink said:


> But, if you and spouse quietly slip away while kids are otherwise engaged, and the kids happen to figure out what is happening behind closed and locked doors, that is inferred info delivery. That is the kind of example of what a healthy loving marriage looks like and that is a healthy and good thing to do.


That is not something I can ever envision myself doing or even being okay with. The idea of having sex with kids on the other side of the wall, knowing what is going on, is wrong to me.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

gbrad said:


> That is not something I can ever envision myself doing or even being okay with. The idea of having sex with kids on the other side of the wall, knowing what is going on, is wrong to me.


glad I dont think that way
otherwise my sex life would be next to nothing
my kids are now old enough that they go to bed only an hour before we do and often we ar etoo tired for sex to wait until they go to bed
if we waited til they were out of the house or sound asleep there wouldnt be much opportunity at all


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## NewHubs (Dec 23, 2012)

Almostrecovered said:


> glad I dont think that way
> otherwise my sex life would be next to nothing
> my kids are now old enough that they go to bed only an hour before we do and often we ar etoo tired for sex to wait until they go to bed
> if we waited til they were out of the house or sound asleep there wouldnt be much opportunity at all


Same here...I don't have kids yet but I wouldn't let them stop me either. My wife and both agreed that we don't want sex to be a taboo subject in our house. 
Frankly, I think it's ok for then to hear pleasurable sounds coming from the bedroom. Now I'm not saying make it obvious but a moan here and there won't scare them. 

I started a similar thread under the 'Parenting' forum and my wife's friend doesn't hide it from her 11 year old daughter. The daughter knows this is what a married couples do. The daughter once told my wife that she hears her mom moan and the bed squeak. Asked if she was bothered by it and she simply said "no"


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## gbrad (Jul 20, 2010)

I have always thought that in marriage once you had kids the new challenge and excitement to sex became finding ways to do it so the kids don't find out. Whether that be getting one in while kids are sent to a friends house, sending the kids to grandmas for the weekend, hopping in the shower together real quick in the morning, or the challenge of being quiet late at night, among other things. 
Again, age of the kids matters; when they are younger and they don't know what sex is, it is not as big of a deal. If you get caught you can just use the old phrase "mommy and daddy were wrestling". But once they get to an age that they start to know what sex is, it is essential to have a bed that doesn't squeak and when she is about to moan, cover the mouth. 
When I was a kid I never entered a closed door in the house because I didn't want to take a chance. I didn't ever want to interrupt a potential private moment and didn't want to ever know if they were or were not having sex.


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## Convection (Apr 20, 2013)

gbrad said:


> I have always thought that in marriage once you had kids the new challenge and excitement to sex became finding ways to do it so the kids don't find out.


Like I said before, my step-son is none the worse for knowing his parents are in a passionate loving relationship. My wife's relationship with the boy's father was neither for many years and he has told me flat-out that he sees the difference.

He (my stepson) ended up marrying a woman I wouldn't have chosen for him and they have issues but none in the intimacy department. If my wife and I modeling a passionate marriage isn't to credit, it didn't hurt either.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

the problem gbrad, is that sneaking one in can be pretty unfulfilling for a woman. It's okay every now and then, but the majority of the sex couples have together needs to be hotness. Sneaking one in is only hot on rare occasions.


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## gbrad (Jul 20, 2010)

Anon Pink said:


> the problem gbrad, is that sneaking one in can be pretty unfulfilling for a woman. It's okay every now and then, but the majority of the sex couples have together needs to be hotness. Sneaking one in is only hot on rare occasions.


That is what the visits to grandma's house or spending the night at a friends, spending time with a sitter, or romantic weekends away are for. No those things don't happen as often, but neither does sex after having kids. That is why you have so much in those early years of marriage.


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## BradWesley (May 24, 2013)

That is what the visits to grandma's house or spending the night at a friends, spending time with a sitter, or romantic weekends away are for. No those things don't happen as often, but neither does sex after having kids. That is why you have so much in those early years of marriage.
Today 12:54 PM

Dude, are you really serious? Even when my kids were teens. I'd bang my wife come downstairs, they would roll their eyes. and I would give them a Tarzan yell - LOL


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## GTdad (Aug 15, 2011)

LOL, I'm somewhere between the two Brads.

I'm not going to pack the kids off to my parents everytime I want to get laid, but I'm not going to give them a visual sex ed demonstration, either.

A locked bedroom door suits me just fine.


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## gbrad (Jul 20, 2010)

BradWesley said:


> That is what the visits to grandma's house or spending the night at a friends, spending time with a sitter, or romantic weekends away are for. No those things don't happen as often, but neither does sex after having kids. That is why you have so much in those early years of marriage.
> Today 12:54 PM
> 
> Dude, are you really serious? Even when my kids were teens. I'd bang my wife come downstairs, they would roll their eyes. and I would give them a Tarzan yell - LOL


Yes I am serious. I have a hard time believing you are with what you said.


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## gbrad (Jul 20, 2010)

GTdad said:


> LOL, I'm somewhere between the two Brads.
> 
> I'm not going to pack the kids off to my parents everytime I want to get laid, but I'm not going to give them a visual sex ed demonstration, either.
> 
> A locked bedroom door suits me just fine.


You don't have to pack them off every time you want to have sex, that is for the extra alone time weekends. I also view sex as a once a week thing and don't see why it would be so hard to find one time during the week when you could do it without the kids knowing. Maybe twice a month it is a quickie and the other 2 times its a longer more intimate ordeal.


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## BradWesley (May 24, 2013)

gbrad said:


> Yes I am serious. I have a hard time believing you are with what you said.


Believe it - they knew what was going on upstairs. There were no secrets with them growing up in our home. Sex was discussed op,enly and honestly


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

gbrad said:


> You don't have to pack them off every time you want to have sex, that is for the extra alone time weekends. I also view sex as a once a week thing and don't see why it would be so hard to find one time during the week when you could do it without the kids knowing. Maybe twice a month it is a quickie and the other 2 times its a longer more intimate ordeal.


I think this is where you are coming at odds with others. Many of us view sex as more than a once a week thing. Many of us don't hold to your notion that sex has to slow down once kids are in the picture.

Could I get by on once a week? Maybe, but it would not be pleasant. Is it because I am just some perv horn dog? Nope. I love my SO and find her incredibly attractive and just can't get enough of her. Is sex all we do? No way. But everything we do helps build our relationship, and sex is a very natural expression of that.


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## Red2 (Apr 28, 2013)

gbrad said:


> but once they get to an age that they start to know what sex is, it is essential to have a bed that doesn't squeak and when she is about to moan, cover the mouth.


seriously????? Cover her mouth????? And you still have all your fingers????


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

gbrad said:


> You don't have to pack them off every time you want to have sex, that is for the extra alone time weekends. * I also view sex as a once a week thing and don't see why it would be so hard to find one time during the week* when you could do it without the kids knowing. Maybe twice a month it is a quickie and the other 2 times its a longer more intimate ordeal.


Here's the thing, gbrad. Some of us ENJOY sex with our spouses. We LOVE that closeness, the feeling, the intimacy with them. We WANT it, some even CRAVE it. Once a week doesn't do it for everyone. Hey, you're fine with once a week (or less?), more power to you. But that isn't enough for everyone. Personally, I prefer sex a MINIMUM of 4 times a week. Every other day was typical for us until recently.  (the frown is referring to the "until recently" part, btw). I can accept what we have because there is a legitimate reason (medical) for less often for us now. Otherwise, I'd be PISSED. 

Now, until we can get a new bed for our daughter, so we can put the bunk beds back together for the boys, we have the youngest in his bed in our room. There is NO WAY we can go anywhere in the house without the possibility of one (or more) child discovering us, whether during the day or at night. Now, for us, our best opportunities are during the day, when the kids are otherwise occupied with different activities.

I can understand why you feel the way you do about sex. However, speaking from experience, with my own family, your way would not work for us. Honestly, I can't even remember if I ever felt the way you do about sex after having children (before having kids, I mean). But now? After having three kids? I take what I can get, when I can get it. But then, I *want* sex with my husband more often than once a week.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Red2 said:


> seriously????? Cover her mouth????? And you still have all your fingers????


Well, he doesn't have to worry about covering her mouth NOW... they have no children yet....


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## gbrad (Jul 20, 2010)

Red2 said:


> seriously????? Cover her mouth????? And you still have all your fingers????


That was mostly meant as a joke. Overall we both want to be quiet when other people are around. I know my wife especially doesn't want other people hearing it.


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## gbrad (Jul 20, 2010)

Maricha75 said:


> Here's the thing, gbrad. Some of us ENJOY sex with our spouses. We LOVE that closeness, the feeling, the intimacy with them. We WANT it, some even CRAVE it. Once a week doesn't do it for everyone. Hey, you're fine with once a week (or less?), more power to you. But that isn't enough for everyone. Personally, I prefer sex a MINIMUM of 4 times a week. Every other day was typical for us until recently.  (the frown is referring to the "until recently" part, btw). I can accept what we have because there is a legitimate reason (medical) for less often for us now. Otherwise, I'd be PISSED.
> 
> Now, until we can get a new bed for our daughter, so we can put the bunk beds back together for the boys, we have the youngest in his bed in our room. There is NO WAY we can go anywhere in the house without the possibility of one (or more) child discovering us, whether during the day or at night. Now, for us, our best opportunities are during the day, when the kids are otherwise occupied with different activities.
> 
> I can understand why you feel the way you do about sex. However, speaking from experience, with my own family, your way would not work for us. Honestly, I can't even remember if I ever felt the way you do about sex after having children (before having kids, I mean). But now? After having three kids? I take what I can get, when I can get it. But then, I *want* sex with my husband more often than once a week.


I know some of those comments you made based on information you know about my current marriage. I personally don't think it would matter who I was with, sex once a week seems like a good amount to me. I think there are other things I could do with my spouse that would be just as fulfilling. Sex is just one of many activities.


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## LoriC (Feb 18, 2013)

gbrad said:


> You don't have to pack them off every time you want to have sex, that is for the extra alone time weekends. I also view sex as a once a week thing and don't see why it would be so hard to find one time during the week when you could do it without the kids knowing. Maybe twice a month it is a quickie and the other 2 times its a longer more intimate ordeal.


Said the LD couple... Sorry this is not an acceptable amount of sex for little old HD me.


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## LoriC (Feb 18, 2013)

gbrad said:


> That was mostly meant as a joke. Overall we both want to be quiet when other people are around. I know my wife especially doesn't want other people hearing it.


That my dear is called a "hang up". So sad..... Ain't no man keeping me quiet in bed. ;-)


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## gbrad (Jul 20, 2010)

LoriC said:


> That my dear is called a "hang up". So sad..... Ain't no man keeping me quiet in bed. ;-)


You don't have to be quiet when nobody else is around. I know for us it is not a major issue as neither of us makes too much noise outside of breathing.


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## LoriC (Feb 18, 2013)

gbrad said:


> You don't have to be quiet when nobody else is around. I know for us it is not a major issue as neither of us makes too much noise outside of breathing.


But the point is I don't give a good rats a$$ who is around. I'm not ever going to be quiet!


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## BradWesley (May 24, 2013)

When I'm pounding my wife, she can weave a tapestry of obscenities that would make a drunken sailor blush. And I love it!


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## LoriC (Feb 18, 2013)

BradWesley said:


> When I'm pounding my wife, she can weave a tapestry of obscenities that would make a drunken sailor blush. And I love it!


LOL, my H says the same thing about me.


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## gbrad (Jul 20, 2010)

LoriC said:


> But the point is I don't give a good rats a$$ who is around. I'm not ever going to be quiet!


I guess that is fine with you, but personally I don't want my parents, my inlaws, or my future kids to hear me having sex. I would rather avoid those awkward moments and those conversations about what mommy and daddy were doing.


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## BradWesley (May 24, 2013)

gbrad said:


> I guess that is fine with you, but personally I don't want my parents, my inlaws, or my future kids to hear me having sex. I would rather avoid those awkward moments and those conversations about what mommy and daddy were doing.


Damn man, you're about exciting as watching paint dry, but hey whatever floats your boat


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## gbrad (Jul 20, 2010)

BradWesley said:


> Damn man, you're about exciting as watching paint dry, but hey whatever floats your boat


I don't mind if other people hear, but not close relatives. 
I will admit that I don't need a ton of excitement in the bedroom. I just want to be with a woman who is hot.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

BradWesley said:


> When I'm pounding my wife, she can weave a tapestry of obscenities that would make a drunken sailor blush. And I love it!


Ah, I don't have obscenities rolling outta my mouth... but I'm definitely not quiet. Ever. And that just spurs him on.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

gbrad said:


> I guess that is fine with you, but personally I don't want my parents, my inlaws, or my future kids to hear me having sex. I would rather avoid those awkward moments and those conversations about what mommy and daddy were doing.


Man... if I had worried about what others thought of a married couple having sex with each other.... I don't think my husband and I would ever have had sex. During the first 3 months of our marriage, we lived with my parents. Our oldest son was conceived during that time.  We moved when he started classes at a community college. We had our own place from September 2001 til July 2006. And then, we finally got our own place again in 2011. From 2007-2010, we shared an apartment with MIL. This wasn't a case of living WITH parents in the sense that she was supporting us. It was a joint decision based on his job and the cost of living in Florida. This arrangement enabled her to get out, if she so chose, with one of her friends, and we would be available to BIL, who is a quadriplegic. IN exchange for that, she was more than willing to entertain the kids if hubby and I wanted to go out to a movie or dinner alone. No need to ship the kids an hour away, no need to drive an hour away to sit with BIL. Worked for awhile, but then the strain of mother/son vs husband/wife started to rear its ugly head. We had to leave... so we did. 

Anyway, my point is that if I had to suppress myself, if he had to suppress himself, we wouldn't have had sex for over 6 YEARS... and this is going by the examples set by you as "appropriate"... unacceptable for us. I am who I am. If they don't want to potentially hear something coming from my own bedroom, get headphones or turn the TV up louder. Problem solved.


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

If my two teens, 15 and 18, know what's up and when they don't say a word. 

The thing is when you have teens, they are not like little kids in bed by 8pm, they stay up as late as you do sometimes, so it's not like you can wait around until they go to asleep to have sex. If you did that it would rarely happen.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

gbrad said:


> I know some of those comments you made based on information you know about my current marriage. I personally don't think it would matter who I was with, sex once a week seems like a good amount to me. I think there are other things I could do with my spouse that would be just as fulfilling. Sex is just one of many activities.


Yes, sex is one of many activities that can be enjoyed together. However, for some, it is the best way they can express themselves to each other. Some express themselves better in words... Nothing wrong with either example. I think if I were LD or had next to no interest in sex, if any at all, I may feel as you suggested to be the "ideal". But that's not me. I'm not HD... like, wanting sex 3-4 times a day, if not more. 

Yes, my comments to you were coming from the perspective of knowing what you have said previously. It's not like i can "un-know" what you posted and I read. However, it wasn't meant to be malicious. And, I'd hazard a guess that, if you WERE with a woman you were really attracted to, you'd likely change your tune... why? Because if she was hot for you, as you would be hot for her... no way is she gonna settle for hiding sex in a box. Behind closed doors, yes. But I'm fairly confident that she'd be pulling you out of that shell... or trying to.


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## gbrad (Jul 20, 2010)

Maricha75 said:


> Anyway, my point is that if I had to suppress myself, if he had to suppress himself, we wouldn't have had sex for over 6 YEARS... and this is going by the examples set by you as "appropriate"... unacceptable for us. I am who I am. If they don't want to potentially hear something coming from my own bedroom, get headphones or turn the TV up louder. Problem solved.


I understand the idea of having sex in the house with other people there. I have had sex at my inlaws multiple times. We just make sure when that happens, that nobody hears anything. Nowhere in this have I said abstain from sex because of the kids or other people.


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## gbrad (Jul 20, 2010)

soccermom2three said:


> If my two teens, 15 and 18, know what's up and when they don't say a word.
> 
> The thing is when you have teens, they are not like little kids in bed by 8pm, they stay up as late as you do sometimes, so it's not like you can wait around until they go to asleep to have sex. If you did that it would rarely happen.


Again, I never said to avoid sex just because they are in the house. If you are quiet, they wont know you are doing it. Simple solution.


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## LoriC (Feb 18, 2013)

gbrad said:


> I guess that is fine with you, but personally I don't want my parents, my inlaws, or my future kids to hear me having sex. I would rather avoid those awkward moments and those conversations about what mommy and daddy were doing.


Exactly how many people live with you?


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## gbrad (Jul 20, 2010)

LoriC said:


> Exactly how many people live with you?


Right now, none. But we have had other people live with us. We always made sure the sex was discrete. And even with nobody living with us, there is little to no noise when we have sex.


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## Created2Write (Aug 25, 2011)

gbrad said:


> That is not something I can ever envision myself doing or even being okay with. The idea of having sex with kids on the other side of the wall, knowing what is going on, is wrong to me.


My parents were the same, and it makes me sad to think about the wonderful opportunities they could have had to discuss things with my brother and I. They chose never to let us know, and as a result, my brother had massive porn issues that he couldn't really discuss with anyone, and I was unnecessarily naive. 

This is something I just wont risk putting on my children. I don't want the conversation to be, "Dad and I have sex", and then hope that that will be enough. I want them to be comfortable talking about sex, knowing about sex, especially as I will encourage them to wait until marriage. But for them to be successful in doing so, and also to be sure that they find a spouse who will be sexually compatible with them, they have to be able to discuss sex. I wasn't. Two of my female friends aren't, and one has said that she just doesn't see sex as a priority. She said oral sex horrifies her. 

I would rather my children be relaxed and comfortable regarding sex. Even my mother, today, doesn't like talking about sex with me and is embarrassed at knowing my husband and I heard her ONE TIME. I was like, "We're all adults here...what's the big deal? Embrace your sexuality!" It's _liberating_.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

gbrad said:


> Right now, none. But we have had other people live with us. We always made sure the sex was discrete. And even with nobody living with us, there is little to no noise when we have sex.


Having to do this can be very exciting. Having to do it all the time would be restrictive. Get some other locations to do it at.


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## TCSRedhead (Oct 17, 2012)

gbrad said:


> My entire being cringes while reading some of these comments. Kids can be made aware, at an appropriate age, that sex happens in marriage and that mom and dad have sex. I would never go have a nooner in the other room with adults around, let alone with the kids sitting in the living room knowing its happening. Kids can see parents be loving and passionate with one another in person without having to hear sex sounds. Kids can see passion (and as they are getting older start to understand it) and know that mom and dad have sex without knowing when it happens. There is a difference in hiding the action and hiding the complete knowledge of it.
> At 6 I would rather my kids not be saying the word sex and at 12 or 13 I don't want it to be apart of everyday conversation with them.


You'd probably have had a heart attack that H and I had a quickie in one room with the door open so we could hear our 11 month old son playing in his play pen in the next room. :smthumbup:

We were also intimate while he slept in our room those first few months as well. 

Consider that until recent history and in some cultures still, most families all slept in the same room. 

I want my kids to grow up knowing what 'normal' intimacy and marriage looks like, to know that it's ok to be sexual after children, that you don't lose passion for your wife/husband just because your now mommy and daddy or that you've gotten too old.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

you guys are all vanilla, I have porn of my parents having sex


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Almostrecovered said:


> you guys are all vanilla, I have porn of my parents having sex


I was the camera man


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## gbrad (Jul 20, 2010)

TCSRedhead said:


> You'd probably have had a heart attack that H and I had a quickie in one room with the door open so we could hear our 11 month old son playing in his play pen in the next room. :smthumbup:
> 
> We were also intimate while he slept in our room those first few months as well.
> 
> ...


Having sex with an 11 month old nearby is not what I am talking about. That is not a big deal at all, that young of an age is not relevant to this discussion.


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## TCSRedhead (Oct 17, 2012)

No but we had daytime sex with the older ones in the house too. We'd even go out to the hot tub where they could have easily walked out and seen it.

The point is that if it's part of a healthy marriage, there isn't a reason to suppress it. No, I'm not going to give my H a BJ on the couch in front of the kids but I'm not going to be mouse-quiet or pretend we don't have sex whether they're asleep or not.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

Sounds like prison sex, can't let the guards know you're taking it in the ass


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## gbrad (Jul 20, 2010)

TCSRedhead said:


> No but we had daytime sex with the older ones in the house too. We'd even go out to the hot tub where they could have easily walked out and seen it.
> 
> The point is that if it's part of a healthy marriage, there isn't a reason to suppress it. No, I'm not going to give my H a BJ on the couch in front of the kids but I'm not going to be mouse-quiet or pretend we don't have sex whether they're asleep or not.


We are obviously quite different. I am still extremely surprised by the fact that some people have that type of mentality towards it though. I thought all parents at least tried to hide sex from their kids. 
At the same time I do recognize that sex is not one of the most important things to me.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

I think there's several shades between "hiding" and "flaunting"


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## TCSRedhead (Oct 17, 2012)

Curious, gbrad, how would you approach a conversation about sex in marriage with your children?


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## Red2 (Apr 28, 2013)

Almostrecovered said:


> you guys are all vanilla, I have porn of my parents having sex


Would you care to share that video? 
I am just kidding!


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## hambone (Mar 30, 2013)

gbrad said:


> We are obviously quite different. I am still extremely surprised by the fact that some people have that type of mentality towards it though. I thought all parents at least tried to hide sex from their kids.
> At the same time I do recognize that sex is not one of the most important things to me.


I'm with you gbrad. We always tried to be discrete...

As hard as we try... the kids still know.

My kids know enough to know that their Mom and dad have sex and it is part of a healthy relationship... And we talk about sex.

Having sex, for us, is a very personal and intimate situation that I'd don't particularly want to share with others.

Put it this way... I don't particularly want to hear other people having sex... If they are being discrete and I can still hear it.. Oh well... But I don't want to hear a guy groaning or a woman screaming like a banshee.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Red2 said:


> Would you care to share that video?
> I am just kidding!


There's a whole series of them at ARCParents.com. Mandatory viewing for all our kids 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

gbrad said:


> I guess that is fine with you, but personally I don't want my parents, my inlaws, or my future kids to hear me having sex. I would rather avoid those awkward moments and those conversations about what mommy and daddy were doing.


Why SHOULDN'T you have conversations about what Mommy and Daddy are doing? That is the perfect opportunity to have open discussions with kids about sex. Where you can interject how you feel about intimacy in certain contexts and pass on your views instead of hiding it and making it a shameful thing.

I'm sure our daughter later figured out that when she knocked in the middle of a "nap" or when we needed to "talk" when she was 3-4, she now knows what was going on. And I was talking to my daughter about sex from when she asked where babies came from. 

All age appropriate, of course. But to think kids in 5th grade don't talk about it, or middle school kids don't need to know is borderline irresponsible to me. I just went to my daughter's 8th grade graduation and one of the girls looked ready to deliver (yes, pregnant - very). 

My daughter needs to know that douching with pepsi isn't a reliable form of BC (rumor at my school at that age), that oral sex IS sex, that condoms can break, etc. To ignore her natural curiosity would be setting her up for a sense of shame and self-loathing as it relates to sex. By her age most kids have masturbated. I've talked to her about it. She hated it but I'm positive on some level she is relieved it's normal and OK and the only way to find out what works for her. I don't want to know if she has but I still want her to know that sex is normal and healthy and natural. 

And if I hadn't started answering her questions by saying babies grew in tummies, where it came out, that daddy puts it in there, etc. I wouldn't be able to discuss much more intimate details with her now.

ETA - my parents never discussed it. I grew up thinking "intercourse" was a class/"course" like sex ed. I never heard them, I did occasionally see a quick kiss or a pat on the butt. I LOVED seeing the signs of affection and I'm a bit sad that I suspect their relationship is likely sexless now. As a young person I was clueless and didn't realize women reciprocated or did anything besides missionary; porn and toys were 'nasty'. I have gratefully since figured out that is not true regardless of my parents' sex life.


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## gbrad (Jul 20, 2010)

TCSRedhead said:


> Curious, gbrad, how would you approach a conversation about sex in marriage with your children?


I honestly do not know at this point. I know that I would be very careful to be age appropriate. There are some things they don't need to know too early.


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## TCSRedhead (Oct 17, 2012)

gbrad said:


> I honestly do not know at this point. I know that I would be very careful to be age appropriate. There are some things they don't need to know too early.


I can understand that. We've always handled things differently at different ages as well. Our oldest are ages 22 and 20. How old are yours?

Keep in mind that your marriage (intimacy and all) is what your children are likely to mirror as normal. 

We've never hidden our nudity (no, we don't walk around nekkid all the time). If the kids happen to walk in our bedroom without knocking, they're likely to see all the bits on display. In turn, they've grown up with a lot less self consciousness about their bodies. Neither of my girls are the 'girls gone wild' type but they're not prudish either.

We never hidden that we are sexual and intimate with each other (no, we don't have sex in front of them) and hope that in their marriages/relationships they learn to balance marriage and parenthood without sacrificing that part of their lives. 

We've had very open and frank conversations about bodies, parts, how things work. I taught my girls a LOT about boys, sex, birth control and tried my best to keep the channel of communication open because I want them to come to me with those questions. 

While I dreaded the knowledge that she was becoming sexually active, I was flattered that my oldest came to me to ask about going on the pill. I wanted to make sure she made decisions that wouldn't close the door to her future opportunities.


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## gbrad (Jul 20, 2010)

Enjoli- Some conversations as kids get older about life and how it all works is fine. Again, age appropriate. 
As someone who works in schools I hear what different kids talk about at different ages. You mentioned 5th graders, most 5th graders I know still cringe at the thought of kissing. I know there are some who have more explicit conversations, but they are in the minority. Now when I worked with middle schoolers, that was a different beast. They were all jacked up on hormones and most everything they said and did had to do with something related to sex. That was honestly one of the biggest reasons why I ended up moving from middle school to elementary school. I couldn't stand seeing so much of that aged kids as involved with sex as they were. When I was that age, it was talked about, but not done so much. Sex was a foreign concept that you used for excitement, personal stimulant, and a dream for down the road. Now at that age it has become a reality, and that causes me pain.


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## LoriC (Feb 18, 2013)

TCSRedhead said:


> I can understand that. We've always handled things differently at different ages as well. Our oldest are ages 22 and 20. How old are yours?
> 
> Keep in mind that your marriage (intimacy and all) is what your children are likely to mirror as normal.
> 
> ...


I agree, If my boys walk into my bedroom while I am in my underwear it doesnt faze me in the slightest. In fact my sons are very comfortable walking around the house in their underwear. One particular day my son was wearing boxers and his Johnson was peeking out and I said Geez Joey, put that thing away! 

My older son confided in me about losing his virginity. My house is a completely different house than the one I grew up in because I wanted it that way! 

So them hearing me make love to their father, not a problem in the least. I still think my son's tweet was hilarious! If he were really mortified would he have put it out there for all his friends to see?


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## gbrad (Jul 20, 2010)

TCSRedhead said:


> I can understand that. We've always handled things differently at different ages as well. Our oldest are ages 22 and 20. How old are yours?
> *We don't have any at this point. We have tried unsuccessfully for years.*
> 
> Keep in mind that your marriage (intimacy and all) is what your children are likely to mirror as normal.
> ...


If my girls are at an age where they have to ask their parents about birth control, sex is not acceptable. I understand that it could happen, but I pray that what they are taught and how they are raised will help prevent that while they are at a minimum still a minor.


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## TCSRedhead (Oct 17, 2012)

gbrad said:


> Enjoli- Some conversations as kids get older about life and how it all works is fine. Again, age appropriate.
> As someone who works in schools I hear what different kids talk about at different ages. You mentioned 5th graders, most 5th graders I know still cringe at the thought of kissing. I know there are some who have more explicit conversations, but they are in the minority. Now when I worked with middle schoolers, that was a different beast. They were all jacked up on hormones and most everything they said and did had to do with something related to sex. That was honestly one of the biggest reasons why I ended up moving from middle school to elementary school. I couldn't stand seeing so much of that aged kids as involved with sex as they were. When I was that age, it was talked about, but not done so much. Sex was a foreign concept that you used for excitement, personal stimulant, and a dream for down the road. Now at that age it has become a reality, and that causes me pain.


It is hard to accept but they are exposed to it outside of the home. This is part of why to start the conversations early and continue. It also helps give context for them to learn appropriate vs. inappropriate sexual contact.

My oldest told me about a classmate who was giving BJ's in middle school (about age 11 or 12) after school. I cringed on hearing this but again was so glad she knew she could come talk to me.


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## gbrad (Jul 20, 2010)

TCSRedhead said:


> It is hard to accept but they are exposed to it outside of the home. This is part of why to start the conversations early and continue. It also helps give context for them to learn appropriate vs. inappropriate sexual contact.
> 
> My oldest told me about a classmate who was giving BJ's in middle school (about age 11 or 12) after school. I cringed on hearing this but again was so glad she knew she could come talk to me.


I am fine if they are exposed to talking about sex with their friends. That is where I learned mostly about sex; that and TV. It is the action that is not acceptable.


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## TiggyBlue (Jul 29, 2012)

My daughter is a baby but their is no way she won't know about protection or the importance of it when she's old enough, seen too many casualties from the lack of teaching when I was younger my daughter isn't going to be one of them. I would rather she learns the basics from me and her dad rather than leaving it to school and her friends.


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## TCSRedhead (Oct 17, 2012)

gbrad said:


> I am fine if they are exposed to talking about sex with their friends. That is where I learned mostly about sex; that and TV. It is the action that is not acceptable.


You truly believe that learning about sex from television/friends which is terribly inaccurate is better than from parents who can also provide guidance and context?

FWIW, she was old enough to have gotten birth control without me. I'm glad we have a relationship such that she didn't. 

I was raised in a very prudish/modest home with strict rules and guidelines about modest clothing. No sex before marriage, etc. so it wasn't discussed or tolerated. I really was naive in so many ways and that was part of why I did get pregnant at age 18.


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## gbrad (Jul 20, 2010)

TCSRedhead said:


> You truly believe that learning about sex from television/friends which is terribly inaccurate is better than from parents who can also provide guidance and context?
> 
> FWIW, she was old enough to have gotten birth control without me. I'm glad we have a relationship such that she didn't.
> 
> I was raised in a very prudish/modest home with strict rules and guidelines about modest clothing. No sex before marriage, etc. so it wasn't discussed or tolerated. I really was naive in so many ways and that was part of why I did get pregnant at age 18.


I didn't say it was better and I will have conversations with my kids, but I don't know to what extent. I think the most important aspect and most challenging will be instilling our expectations in the kids. As long as they are raised with the proper standards and they believe them as well, then I will be happy.


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## Created2Write (Aug 25, 2011)

gbrad said:


> I am fine if they are exposed to talking about sex with their friends. That is where I learned mostly about sex; that and TV. It is the action that is not acceptable.


I would much rather they talk about sex with ME, because then I know for sure what they are told. Otherwise, I'm intentionally leaving their introduction to sex to others who, likely, won't have the same morals and beliefs I do. 

I refuse to let that happen, and can't fathom why anyone else would rather their children learn from their friends where they can be ridiculed, pressured, teased and made fun of...


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

gbrad said:


> I didn't say it was better and I will have conversations with my kids, but I don't know to what extent. I think the most important aspect and most challenging will be instilling our expectations in the kids. *As long as they are raised with the proper standards and they believe them as well, then I will be happy.*


Suppose they deviate from this? Suppose their own perspective matches that of me, or C2W, or Red, or even Anon Pink? Suppose they decide that they disagree with your thoughts and when visiting you and your wife, after they are married with kids of their own, they are getting it on in the guest room...and you can hear it. What if they are not embarrassed by it? How would you react to your own children, in front of your grandchildren, if they behave more like...well... me? I am conservative about a LOT of things. At the same time, I feel I would be doing a huge disservice to my children by hiding sex from them. I don't mean having sex right out there, with them in the room. I mean hiding it in the sense of making it taboo to talk about it, to even acknowledge that we do it. And, as C2W said, I'd much rather they hear it all from me than let their friends cloud their judgement about sex...and TV/movies? Yea, that's gonna be helpful.


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## Created2Write (Aug 25, 2011)

Exactly. And, while you(gbard) think you be saving them from some kind of trauma(like you felt seeing your dad naked), you don't know what harm you might be doing in the opposite direction. For me? I saw my dad naked up through the age of seven or eight years old and it didn't bother me. But not knowing that my mom and dad had sex because they tried to hide it, was exactly what made me so naive and ignorant. And not knowing about the basics of my body, I was unprepared to deal with the shock of how responsive my body was when I was making out with the guy I loved. It was so new and unexpected, I pursued that feeling until I'd abandoned my standard to wait until marriage. 

My parents thought that just saying, "Sex should be for marriage" would be enough. And it was when I was 15 and uninterested. But as soon as that interest was sparked, there was no way I could fight it. None. I was unprepared. I would have rather my parents been open and free sexually from the beginning so that I would have been more strong in my sexuality, or potential sexuality, so that when faced with the newness of sexual desire, I would have known how to handle it. 

I had to find out some of the most basic aspects of sex from my friends, and that is NOT how ANY child or teen should find out about sex.


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## gbrad (Jul 20, 2010)

Maricha75 said:


> Suppose they deviate from this? Suppose their own perspective matches that of me, or C2W, or Red, or even Anon Pink? Suppose they decide that they disagree with your thoughts and when visiting you and your wife, after they are married with kids of their own, they are getting it on in the guest room...and you can hear it. What if they are not embarrassed by it? How would you react to your own children, in front of your grandchildren, if they behave more like...well... me? I am conservative about a LOT of things. At the same time, I feel I would be doing a huge disservice to my children by hiding sex from them. I don't mean having sex right out there, with them in the room. I mean hiding it in the sense of making it taboo to talk about it, to even acknowledge that we do it. And, as C2W said, I'd much rather they hear it all from me than let their friends cloud their judgement about sex...and TV/movies? Yea, that's gonna be helpful.


I never said to hear everything about it from friends and TV. Some of it is fine to learn about that way, sex is something they should end up talking about with their friends, because it is a fun topic. I will talk to them about it also. 
I don't think sex is taboo to talk about and I don't believe I ever said that. I just want to be careful what I do say and when. I don't want it to just be a complete open book about the topic. 
I have no problem if my future children have sex when it my house years from now as married adults. Would I expect them to be discrete about it, yes, but that is the type of family we are. I'm a grown adult and at this point I talk with my parents about sex, I know they have it, but have I ever walked in on it or even heard it? No. I don't need to see or hear it, to know that it happens. I think it is the same way with kids. They don't have to see or hear something just to know that it exists.


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## gbrad (Jul 20, 2010)

Created2Write said:


> I would much rather they talk about sex with ME, because then I know for sure what they are told. Otherwise, I'm intentionally leaving their introduction to sex to others who, likely, won't have the same morals and beliefs I do.
> 
> I refuse to let that happen, and can't fathom why anyone else would rather their children learn from their friends where they can be ridiculed, pressured, teased and made fun of...


Maybe we have some disconnect about the conversations kids would have with friends about sex. I'm not sure what you are implying that you as a parent would want to tell your kids about sex that you don't want them discussing with friends. ???


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

gbrad said:


> Maybe we have some disconnect about the conversations kids would have with friends about sex. I'm not sure what you are implying that you as a parent would want to tell your kids about sex that you don't want them discussing with friends. ???


How about real facts instead of what Johnny heard from Sarah who heard it from her older sister and her friends whose parents never told them anything beyond "Wait until marriage"


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## gbrad (Jul 20, 2010)

samyeagar said:


> How about real facts instead of what Johnny heard from Sarah who heard it from her older sister and her friends whose parents never told them anything beyond "Wait until marriage"


That doesn't help me at all understand what specific things are being referenced here. What specific real facts would you be saying to your kids is what I am trying to figure out.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

gbrad said:


> That doesn't help me at all understand what specific things are being referenced here. What specific real facts would you be saying to your kids is what I am trying to figure out.


For starters...things like condoms are not 100% effective, you can't get pregnant from oral sex, pepsi is not birth control, you really can get pregnant the first time, and no you don't have to have an orgasm to get pregnant...


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

samyeagar said:


> For starters...things like condoms are not 100% effective, you can't get pregnant from oral sex, pepsi is not birth control, you really can get pregnant the first time, and no you don't have to have an orgasm to get pregnant...


Add to that the fact that you don't even have to penetrate to get pregnant. So many FACTS that can be twisted by friends.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Lets face it gbrad, most kids have had some sort of sex be it oral, hands, PIV before they leave high school, no matter what their upbringing. It is likely that any children you have, no matter what you teach them will experiment behind your back. When they get hot and heavy in the back seat of the car they aren't going to be thinking about what you have told them. They are going to want to get laid. They will hide it from you, and feel horribly guilty until the urge overwhelms them again and the cycle will start over. Burrying your head in the sand and hoping and praying will not change reality.


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## gbrad (Jul 20, 2010)

samyeagar said:


> For starters...things like condoms are not 100% effective, you can't get pregnant from oral sex, pepsi is not birth control, you really can get pregnant the first time, and no you don't have to have an orgasm to get pregnant...


The condom comment is fine; though if I am telling this to them when they are kids it is for knowledge. I in no way would condone actually using condoms while they are still kids. 
The pepsi comment, I have never heard of that. 
Pregnant from oral sex, never thought that one, but I guess there are dumb people out there who believe anything. And the same with the comment about getting pregnant the first time. And the same thought about the orgasm one. 
I guess some of those I have never heard of so it wouldn't even dawn on me to need to discuss.


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## gbrad (Jul 20, 2010)

samyeagar said:


> Lets face it gbrad, most kids have had some sort of sex be it oral, hands, PIV before they leave high school, no matter what their upbringing. It is likely that any children you have, no matter what you teach them will experiment behind your back. When they get hot and heavy in the back seat of the car they aren't going to be thinking about what you have told them. They are going to want to get laid. They will hide it from you, and feel horribly guilty until the urge overwhelms them again and the cycle will start over. Burrying your head in the sand and hoping and praying will not change reality.


It is true that a lot of kids will do something sexual during high school. I don't think it is right, I actually don't see why there is any need for kids in high school to have any sexual contact below the belt. They have many years ahead of them, no need to rush it. Grow up a little first and keep some of your innocence. 
As I said a lot of kids will be sexually active in high school and with that, a lot of kids are raised with a pour sense of morals in their household. Many parents do a bad job of parenting. Now, those two do not always correlate perfectly together, but good parenting never hurt. 
Oh, and I do think that prayer does help. But I also never said to stick my head in the sand. I am fine with talking to my kids about it, I feel like some of you interpret what I am saying like I want to act as if sex doesn't exist. I just don't want to be giving them the play by play details of sex.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Gbrad, all those things that didn't occur to you are the exact things kids are talking about and believing because kids are going to seek out this information and believe what they are told. That is the reality. I want my kids to be the ones that say no you're wrong to their friends and have the facts to back it up.

No matter how the kids are raised, the sexual urges will hit them, and they are very powerful. Just like anything else as parents, we need to give them the tools to deal with what WILL happen. Kids will fool around no matte how wrong YOU feel it is, and no matter how they are broungt up. Bristol Palin ring a bell?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## gbrad (Jul 20, 2010)

samyeagar said:


> Gbrad, all those things that didn't occur to you are the exact things kids are talking about and believing because kids are going to seek out this information and believe what they are told. That is the reality. I want my kids to be the ones that say no you're wrong to their friends and have the facts to back it up.
> 
> No matter how the kids are raised, the sexual urges will hit them, and they are very powerful. Just like anything else as parents, we need to give them the tools to deal with what WILL happen. Kids will fool around no matte how wrong YOU feel it is, and no matter how they are broungt up. Bristol Palin ring a bell?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Not all kids will fool around while they are still kids. Some kids do stick by what they are taught. More and more as this society gets worse are not, but that is a different topic. I know the urges, I remember them as a teenager quite well and yes they were very powerful to start. I also remember thinking, "sex is for when you get older, why would kids be having sex." 
I am fine with kids having some of the facts about sex and what can and can't happen. But I don't feel they need to be taught the dirty details about it.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

gbrad said:


> Not all kids will fool around while they are still kids. Some kids do stick by what they are taught. More and more as this society gets worse are not, but that is a different topic. I know the urges, I remember them as a teenager quite well and yes they were very powerful to start. I also remember thinking, "sex is for when you get older, why would kids be having sex."
> I am fine with kids having some of the facts about sex and what can and can't happen. But I don't feel they need to be taught the dirty details about it.


While it's true that some kids will choose not to fool around (I also know some who chose to wait for any sexual experience until after they married), it would be foolish to believe that just because you tell them "sex is for marriage. I don't think kids should be having sex." that they will automatically follow what you say. Even those who are taught these things, and believe it to be the right thing, often choose to deviate from that path. It's good to instill your values. It's good to hope and pray they wait until they marry, or at least until they are adults. But it would be naive to believe that there is no way they will do as you say, just "because I said so". This is all we are saying regarding teaching them. 

As far as knowing dirty details... I'd like to know what you mean by "they need to be taught the dirty details about it", before I address that... unless we have already touched on that example earlier in the thread? :scratchhead:


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## gbrad (Jul 20, 2010)

Maricha75 said:


> While it's true that some kids will choose not to fool around (I also know some who chose to wait for any sexual experience until after they married), it would be foolish to believe that just because you tell them "sex is for marriage. I don't think kids should be having sex." that they will automatically follow what you say. Even those who are taught these things, and believe it to be the right thing, often choose to deviate from that path. It's good to instill your values. It's good to hope and pray they wait until they marry, or at least until they are adults. But it would be naive to believe that there is no way they will do as you say, just "because I said so". This is all we are saying regarding teaching them.
> 
> As far as knowing dirty details... I'd like to know what you mean by "they need to be taught the dirty details about it", before I address that... unless we have already touched on that example earlier in the thread? :scratchhead:


I agree with you. Kids wont all simply do as they are taught. I know that, it would be reckless of me to believe otherwise. I can't just believe saying it will work, I know I will have to work hard to actually make it happen, that is my job as a parent. Just like we are told on this site to put safeguards in for our marriage, I think it is important to put safeguards in as parents. 
Dirty details?- The specifics of what actually happens with the penis, the vagina, orgasms, masturbation, frequency of all of this, how the acts work, etc. Those are all things that I think individual people need to figure out on their own.


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## Red2 (Apr 28, 2013)

gbrad said:


> I am fine with kids having some of the facts about sex and what can and can't happen. But I don't feel they need to be taught the *dirty details *about it.


You mean dirty details like.... when my SO kisses me, I immediately feel the stirring in my groins... when he lightly caresses my arms, I have the overwhelming urge to put his hand on my breast, just seeing his chest hair makes me want to rip his shirt off and I want his amazingly sensual lips all over me... Whenever he wants a BJ, handjob, rimjob, he gets it, because I am in love with him.

I am so sorry you feel that sex has dirty details.... I think sex between consenting adults is the best thing in life. It provides such amazing emotional and physical connection and fulfillment for both parties that without it, no marriage can possibly be a real marriage.

Of course, my 12-year-old doesn't need to know these details. But if she ever asked, I would tell her.


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## gbrad (Jul 20, 2010)

Red2 said:


> You mean dirty details like.... when my SO kisses me, I immediately feel the stirring in my groins... when he lightly caresses my arms, I have the overwhelming urge to put his hand on my breast, just seeing his chest hair makes me want to rip his shirt off and I want his amazingly sensual lips all over me... Whenever he wants a BJ, handjob, rimjob, he gets it, because I am in love with him.
> 
> I am so sorry you feel that sex has dirty details.... I think sex between consenting adults is the best thing in life. It provides such amazing emotional and physical connection and fulfillment for both parties that without it, no marriage can possibly be a real marriage.
> 
> Of course, my 12-year-old doesn't need to know these details. But if she ever asked, I would tell her.


Yes those are some of the details I am talking about. You just said yourself that your 12 year old doesn't need to know. So if she asked, why would you tell her? I don't understand those 2 comments together. 
Yes I do feel sex has dirty details. As an adult I like the idea that sex has some dirtiness to it, that adds to some of the appeal. Again I say, as an adult. Just because I say dirty details doesn't mean I think those things are wrong.


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## Red2 (Apr 28, 2013)

gbrad said:


> Dirty details?- The specifics of what actually happens with the penis, the vagina, orgasms, masturbation, frequency of all of this, how the acts work, etc. Those are all things that I think individual people need to figure out on their own.


Those 'dirty details'.... She already knows all that. Yes, I explained. Also, when she asked if 'doing it from behind' meant anal sex, I explained that's not necessarily what it means, to which she wanted to know how long a penis has to be to be able to do it from behind... With a very serious and straight face, full of curiosity.... Was I supposed to say, go look it up on the internet? She is my kid, I am supposed to guide her, even if she has some surprisingly candid questions...


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## gbrad (Jul 20, 2010)

Red2 said:


> Those 'dirty details'.... She already knows all that. Yes, I explained. Also, when she asked if 'doing it from behind' meant anal sex, I explained that's not necessarily what it means, to which she wanted to know how long a penis has to be to be able to do it from behind... With a very serious and straight face, full of curiosity.... Was I supposed to say, go look it up on the internet? She is my kid, I am supposed to guide her, even if she has some surprisingly candid questions...


My first thought is "why the hell is a kid that age asking those questions". I never even considered asking anyone at that age questions like that. Even if I was curious about those things (which I wasn't about things like that), I wasn't going to ask at that age.


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## Red2 (Apr 28, 2013)

gbrad said:


> Yes those are some of the details I am talking about. You just said yourself that your 12 year old doesn't need to know. So if she asked, why would you tell her? I don't understand those 2 comments together.


Because those details are private and could be difficult to talk about, BUT I love my kid with my entire being and I will put up with a little bit of discomfort for her sake.


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## Red2 (Apr 28, 2013)

gbrad said:


> My first thought is "why the hell is a kid that age asking those questions". I never even considered asking anyone at that age questions like that. Even if I was curious about those things (which I wasn't about things like that), I wasn't going to ask at that age.


TV, internet, school.... She is a curious kid and not shy about asking those questions. I am an extremely HD woman and I started exploring with thoughts like that at about age 10, she is probably going to be just like me. She already admitted to me that she thinks she is gay... I told her whatever makes her happy is fine with me, whether it is straight, gay, or bisexual... She smiled and that smile warmed my heart.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Gbrad, she said her TWELVE YEAR OLD, not her SIXTEEN YEAR OLD. But, did you also notice that she said she'd tell her daughter if she ever asked? There is nothing wrong with a parent explaining to his or her child how the penis works during sex. Nor is there anything wrong with explaining what happens inside the vagina during sex..i.e. orgasms. Same thing with masturbation. What? Would you rather put your son in front of the TV while playing "American Pie"? 
What Red means when she says she'd tell her daughter is that, in age appropriate language, she would explain the acts, IF she asked about them. As would I. Again, I would rather it is MY HUSBAND OR I explaining these things than schoolyard gossip about it.I'd rather they know the TRUTH about the acts than the myths and fables. I'd rather explain to my daughter that it is perfectly natural to feel a tearing sensation, and that there will be some blood that first time, and maybe a few times after that, than to have her friends say "OMG! It hurts like hell!!! OH THE PAIN!!" I'd rather tell my daughter that there are various sexual acts couples do together, and explain them IF she asks about them. I wouldn't dream of telling my 6 year old daughter, nor my 12 year old niece about them... but if either of them asked me, when they were 16 (yes, my sister knows her daughter has talked to me about other stuff), I would have no issue telling them... my daughter, for sure... my niece, as long as my sister was still ok with it. But really, the point is that I'm not going to try to wriggle out of explaining these acts to my kids, just because they might make ME uncomfortable. I would consider it an HONOR that my kids come to me, asking the questions... knowing I'm not gonna BS my way through it like some parents try to do.


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## gbrad (Jul 20, 2010)

Red2 said:


> TV, internet, school.... She is a curious kid and not shy about asking those questions. I am an extremely HD woman and I started exploring with thoughts like that at about age 10, she is probably going to be just like me. She already admitted to me that she thinks she is gay... I told her whatever makes her happy is fine with me, whether it is straight, gay, or bisexual... She smiled and that smile warmed my heart.


I can say I don't think I had any idea what anal was or even heard of it until I was in my very late teens. I know I was also very shy about talking about topics like this. Not once did I ever have a discussion that had to do with sex with adults while I was a kid. and she is 12 and thinks she is gay, that makes me sad.


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## gbrad (Jul 20, 2010)

Maricha75 said:


> Gbrad, she said her TWELVE YEAR OLD, not her SIXTEEN YEAR OLD.
> *yes and she said she told her daughter about some of these things at that age*But, did you also notice that she said she'd tell her daughter if she ever asked? There is nothing wrong with a parent explaining to his or her child how the penis works during sex. Nor is there anything wrong with explaining what happens inside the vagina during sex..i.e. orgasms. Same thing with masturbation. What? Would you rather put your son in front of the TV while playing "American Pie"?
> What Red means when she says she'd tell her daughter is that, in age appropriate language, she would explain the acts, IF she asked about them. As would I. Again, I would rather it is MY HUSBAND OR I explaining these things than schoolyard gossip about it.I'd rather they know the TRUTH about the acts than the myths and fables. I'd rather explain to my daughter that it is perfectly natural to feel a tearing sensation, and that there will be some blood that first time, and maybe a few times after that, than to have her friends say "OMG! It hurts like hell!!! OH THE PAIN!!" *This, this is exaclty what I want my daughter to think while she is in middle school and high school about sex. *I'd rather tell my daughter that there are various sexual acts couples do together, and explain them IF she asks about them. I wouldn't dream of telling my 6 year old daughter, nor my 12 year old niece about them... but if either of them asked me, when they were 16 (yes, my sister knows her daughter has talked to me about other stuff), I would have no issue telling them... my daughter, for sure... my niece, as long as my sister was still ok with it. But really, the point is that I'm not going to try to wriggle out of explaining these acts to my kids, just because they might make ME uncomfortable. I would consider it an HONOR that my kids come to me, asking the questions... knowing I'm not gonna BS my way through it like some parents try to do.


It is not just that I would be uncomfortable explaining these things to my child, it is that I would be uncomfortable with them knowing about it at that age. By 16 I would expect them to know a handful of things, but just hope they were not actually doing them. But at 12 or 13, I don't want them to even know about some of the dirtier details. 
As for topics like masturbation and orgasms, I have no desire to ever talk to my kids (while they are kid) about those topics. To me, those are things you learn about on your own by personal experience as you get older. They also don't need to know how the penis works or the vagina works during sex when they aren't sexually active.


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## Red2 (Apr 28, 2013)

gbrad said:


> Not once did I ever have a discussion that had to do with sex with adults while I was a kid. and she is 12 and thinks she is gay, that makes me sad.


Why does it make you sad that my 12-year-old thinks she is gay? There is nothing sad about being gay. 

What makes me sad is thinking about you as a kid, with no adults to discuss your questions about sex. I really mean that, I am not trying to pick a fight with you.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

gbrad said:


> It is not just that I would be uncomfortable explaining these things to my child, it is that I would be uncomfortable with them knowing about it at that age. By 16 I would expect them to know a handful of things, but just hope they were not actually doing them. But at 12 or 13, I don't want them to even know about some of the dirtier details.
> As for topics like masturbation and orgasms, I have no desire to ever talk to my kids (while they are kid) about those topics. To me, those are things you learn about on your own by personal experience as you get older. They also don't need to know how the penis works or the vagina works during sex when they aren't sexually active.


When your daughter (if you have one) is in middle school and high school, you WANT her to think it's gonna hurt so bad, and that she's going to be in pain, indefinitely? You do realize that such thoughts DO carry over into adulthood, right? So when she is ready (by your standards) to have sex, she is still going to have that mentality? Furthermore, if she is not told the penis goes into the vagina, man ejaculates, woman may or may not have an orgasm, then she is going to be CLUELESS. So, one other question...you don't want her to know this stuff... what about a son? Do you want him to have this basic knowledge or do you feel he should be clueless as well? In addition to that, are you one who will exclude your child from that discussion at school, at every age/grade? I'm just in shock, really. I cannot even fathom NOT answering my children when they are curious about something. And, with the "hope their not doing them" attitude, that is burying your head in the sand, whether you want to acknowledge it or not.


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## gbrad (Jul 20, 2010)

Red2 said:


> Why does it make you sad that my 12-year-old thinks she is gay? There is nothing sad about being gay.
> 
> What makes me sad is thinking about you as a kid, with no adults to discuss your questions about sex. I really mean that, I am not trying to pick a fight with you.


I don't have a problem with the fact that I didn't have adults talk to me about sex when I was a kid. I think I turned out okay and had a good mentality towards sex. 
As for the gay question, we do differ on our thoughts about that. 



Maricha75 said:


> When your daughter (if you have one) is in middle school and high school, you WANT her to think it's gonna hurt so bad, and that she's going to be in pain, indefinitely? You do realize that such thoughts DO carry over into adulthood, right? So when she is ready (by your standards) to have sex, she is still going to have that mentality? Furthermore, if she is not told the penis goes into the vagina, man ejaculates, woman may or may not have an orgasm, then she is going to be CLUELESS. So, one other question...you don't want her to know this stuff... what about a son? Do you want him to have this basic knowledge or do you feel he should be clueless as well? In addition to that, are you one who will exclude your child from that discussion at school, at every age/grade? I'm just in shock, really. I cannot even fathom NOT answering my children when they are curious about something. And, with the "hope their not doing them" attitude, that is burying your head in the sand, whether you want to acknowledge it or not.


No I don't want my daughter to think it will hurt indefinitely. As she gets older the truth about it is just fine. But when she is younger if the idea that it will hurt will help prevent her from doing it, then that is okay knowledge to have. She can be enlightened later on when it is more acceptable for her to be sexually active. I know for myself if I have knowledge that something will be painful, I am less likely to be involved in it. 
You also asked about a son, I do think the approach can be different with boys and girls, but I still don't think my son needs to be told all of the details too early. 
As for the information that kids would receive in school discussions, no I would never have them opt out of those things. 
I would answer my kids if they were to ask questions. But what my answers would be would depend entirely on their age, where I felt they were in maturity, trust, emotions, socially, and then make a decision on what I would actually say to them.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

gbrad said:


> I would answer my kids if they were to ask questions. But what my answers would be would depend entirely on their age, where I felt they were in maturity, trust, emotions, socially, and then make a decision on what I would actually say to them.


This! Right here! This is what those of us who DO explain these things to our kids, at various ages have been saying. We know our kids. We know where they are emotionally, socially, developmentally. We know what information they are ready for. And, if they are ready to hear certain information at age 12 or 13, then we tell them. If not until age 15, then we wait. 

Now, what started this whole dialogue about what we would or would not tell them was your comment that we, who choose to have sex during the middle of the day, while the kids are up and around, watching TV or playing games, are flaunting it, or implying (if not outright stating) that it is irresponsible parenting. So now, you have basically stated what WE have... age appropriate conversations.


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## gbrad (Jul 20, 2010)

Maricha75 said:


> This! Right here! This is what those of us who DO explain these things to our kids, at various ages have been saying. We know our kids. We know where they are emotionally, socially, developmentally. We know what information they are ready for. And, if they are ready to hear certain information at age 12 or 13, then we tell them. If not until age 15, then we wait.
> 
> *Yes, but how people determine when kids are ready and what they are ready for is suspect. *
> 
> Now, what started this whole dialogue about what we would or would not tell them was your comment that we, who choose to have sex during the middle of the day, while the kids are up and around, watching TV or playing games, are flaunting it, or implying (if not outright stating) that it is irresponsible parenting. So now, you have basically stated what WE have... age appropriate conversations.


I still don't think kids...KIDS, should be in a situation where they are hearing their parents have sex other than accidental situations.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

gbrad said:


> Yes, but how people determine when kids are ready and what they are ready for is suspect.


I find it suspect that someone who doesn't have contact with the children of the posters on this board thinks he knows our kids and what they are ready for better than we, their parents, do.



gbrad said:


> I still don't think kids...KIDS, should be in a situation where they are hearing their parents have sex other than accidental situations.


And, as we have stated before: our kids aren't scarred. But, again... we know our kids.


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## gbrad (Jul 20, 2010)

Maricha75 said:


> I find it suspect that someone who doesn't have contact with the children of the posters on this board thinks he knows our kids and what they are ready for better than we, their parents, do.
> 
> 
> 
> And, as we have stated before: our kids aren't scarred. But, again... we know our kids.


Having worked in schools for many years now, I have seen many parents screw up with their children. At this point, I have grown very cynical of most parents in today's society.


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## TCSRedhead (Oct 17, 2012)

gbrad said:


> Having worked in schools for many years now, I have seen many parents screw up with their children. At this point, I have grown very cynical of most parents in today's society.


I'm feeling pretty confident. One graduated as valedictorian mad is enrolled in University. The other graduated with a 3.8 and is attending college as well. Both have fantastic work ethic, healthy relationships and are very responsible. I suppose it could all go wrong with this last one.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

LoriC said:


> So, I was dusting the livingroom table when I noticed my son's iPad blinking. Here is what it said on his twitter from him "Every night I come home my parents are fvcking, WHY????????"
> 
> My son is going to be 18 in a few months. When I read this I laughed because when he was growing up we were basically sexless. We have found each other again and our marriage is better than ever and honestly I have to laugh!
> 
> Do your kids know? have they ever said anything to you?


At my teens High School they have an extremely comprehensive program which covers not just the physical aspects of sex but also the emotional. He probably knows more about it than most adults that were not offered such a program or had parents to talk to. 

As for knowing what is happening under our roof, well this is a tricky one as my partner is not the kids dad so I do not want to put anyone in an awkward situation.

Mr H and I have become experts at quiet sex and I must say it very much turns me on. We cover each others mouths or kiss our way through the session and breath into each others mouths to stop any sound. Of course when there are no kids around we let loose and the neighbours can probably hear us.

Am looking to build or buy a new house ATM and the main criteria is to have the master bedroom and kids area at different ends of the house :smthumbup:


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## LadyOfTheLake (Feb 25, 2013)

My 5 year old walked in on us this morning. I've never seen hubs move so fast!! He did a barrel roll LOL, up and off me, grabbing the blanket over us both all in one motion as the door swung open. I just laid there laughing my head off because it was me who had forgot to lock the door.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## BradWesley (May 24, 2013)

LOTL - Your post about your 5 y/o, reminds me when our almost 4 y/o walked in on us. We didn't know he was there until he patted his mom on her backside. At that point she screamed, hopped off me and flew under the blanket.

I asked him if he had just walked into the room, or if he had been there awhile. He answered awhile, and from under the blanket, I hear OMG. We both still laugh about it


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## Created2Write (Aug 25, 2011)

gbrad said:


> Maybe we have some disconnect about the conversations kids would have with friends about sex. I'm not sure what you are implying that you as a parent would want to tell your kids about sex that you don't want them discussing with friends. ???


I would want them to come to me about ANYTHING regarding sex; what it's like, what oral sex is like, what masturbation and manual stimulation is like, how they differ from each other, where the line should be drawn between losing your virginity and not, how to have a passionate relationship without abandoning ones standards and beliefs and morals; even things like anal, stripping for your spouse, exhibitionism, making your own pornographic movies...I want to discuss all of that with them, because I didn't even know what some of those things were until after I was become sexually active. And let me tell you, there is nothing more humiliating and shaming than having a potential boyfriend laugh at you for being utterly ignorant and naive. 

It's not that I don't want them talking to their friends at all, but I don't want to leave ANY sexual topic closed off to my kids. I don't want them feeling awkward when they ask me a question. I'm not going to be graphic, but I'm not going to coddle them and try to sugar coat what I say. I want to make sure that, when they talk to their friends, they already know about sex and know what I expect from them regarding it. Because it's unlikely that all of their friends will agree with waiting for marriage, and I want them to be confident not only in the importance of holding to their boundaries, but also in the importance of sex and how it effects a marriage. I want them to have a very healthy understanding of their personal sexuality and I want them to be comfortable in that. And I want them to see what a healthy sexual relationship is in a marriage, and I intend for their father and I to exemplify that.


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## Created2Write (Aug 25, 2011)

Maricha75 said:


> Add to that the fact that you don't even have to penetrate to get pregnant. So many FACTS that can be twisted by friends.


And that it's _natural_ for your body to be in a state of arousal when you're getting/giving affection to a member of the opposite sex, and that being aroused doesn't make you a s!ut.


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## Created2Write (Aug 25, 2011)

gbrad said:


> I agree with you. Kids wont all simply do as they are taught. I know that, it would be reckless of me to believe otherwise. I can't just believe saying it will work, I know I will have to work hard to actually make it happen, that is my job as a parent. Just like we are told on this site to put safeguards in for our marriage, I think it is important to put safeguards in as parents.
> Dirty details?- The specifics of what actually happens with the penis, the vagina, orgasms, masturbation, frequency of all of this, how the acts work, etc. Those are all things that I think individual people need to figure out on their own.


I disagree, disagree, disagree! My greatest beef with Christianity is that was never a clear cut line between what counts as losing your virginity and what doesn't. Part of the reason I am so determined to talk with my kids about as many things as I can regarding sex is so that they not only know the "details", as your put it, but they also know what to expect and how to stand by their morals when tempted. Understanding what oral sex is, understanding actual PIV, understanding that masturbation CAN help satisfy those cravings and is NOT sinful action, understanding what arousal is and that it's normal and many other things besides. I didn't know these things and it's exactly why I was unprepared to remain a virgin. 

Cause I definitely "figured it out on my own", right up to the point that I lost my virginity before marriage.


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## Created2Write (Aug 25, 2011)

gbrad said:


> It is not just that I would be uncomfortable explaining these things to my child, it is that I would be uncomfortable with them knowing about it at that age. By 16 I would expect them to know a handful of things, but just hope they were not actually doing them. But at 12 or 13, I don't want them to even know about some of the dirtier details.


You can't control that, though. With sex ed being taught in elementary schools in some states, it's impossible to control everything your child hears. I wouldn't offer much sexual information to my ten year old, but if he or she ever came and asked me a question, I would answer it. Whatever the question was, however shocked I was at the subject or the maturity. Because, regardless of how old they are, if they are asking for information, it is FAR better to build that trust and show them the open door of communication as soon as they start asking, then gloss over it and show them that they can't come to you. 



> As for topics like masturbation and orgasms, I have no desire to ever talk to my kids (while they are kid) about those topics. To me, those are things you learn about on your own by personal experience as you get older. They also don't need to know how the penis works or the vagina works during sex when they aren't sexually active.


This makes me sad. I don't know whether you intentionally ignore my posts or not, but each time I talk about my personal experiences with this kind of thinking, you don't respond. I hope you can see how...backwards this all sounds: you want your kids to wait til marriage for sex, but you don't want to give them details, and then things like actual PIV and orgams and masturbation are things you think they should figure out for themselves? You're setting your kids up to experiment behind your back, imo. It's how my experiences went. And I didn't wait til marriage, even though I made it twenty years without having a single sexual experience.


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## gbrad (Jul 20, 2010)

Created2Write said:


> You can't control that, though. With sex ed being taught in elementary schools in some states, it's impossible to control everything your child hears. I wouldn't offer much sexual information to my ten year old, but if he or she ever came and asked me a question, I would answer it. Whatever the question was, however shocked I was at the subject or the maturity. Because, regardless of how old they are, if they are asking for information, it is FAR better to build that trust and show them the open door of communication as soon as they start asking, then gloss over it and show them that they can't come to you.
> 
> 
> 
> This makes me sad. I don't know whether you intentionally ignore my posts or not, but each time I talk about my personal experiences with this kind of thinking, you don't respond. I hope you can see how...backwards this all sounds: you want your kids to wait til marriage for sex, but you don't want to give them details, and then things like actual PIV and orgams and masturbation are things you think they should figure out for themselves? You're setting your kids up to experiment behind your back, imo. It's how my experiences went. And I didn't wait til marriage, even though I made it twenty years without having a single sexual experience.


I don't ignore your posts, I understand they are based off of your personal experiences. My responses are based off my experience as well. Just about anything I learned about sex, I learned on my own. I never had a sexual conversation with my parents as a child, not once. Based on my experience I think some of those things are perfectly fine to learn on your own. I don't think everything in regards to that needs to be taught, some is just a learn as you go. I was embarrassed about masturbation and even felt guilty about it at times. I think that is fine as a kid. I felt guilty the first time I had a sexual experience with a girl and I think that is fine to. I look back on it and think it would have been better if I had avoided that specific experience. And while I wanted to wait until I got married to have sex and I had expected to wait, I didn't. That experience I don't regret at this point. 
I have no problem with providing children with the information I think they need, but I also want children to stay as innocent as possible for as long as possible. 
That is why I know that if come questions cross the line on what I think they should know, a sugar coated answer with an added response of "you will learn more about that as you get older," is very acceptable.


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## LoriC (Feb 18, 2013)

gbrad said:


> I don't ignore your posts, I understand they are based off of your personal experiences. My responses are based off my experience as well. Just about anything I learned about sex, I learned on my own. I never had a sexual conversation with my parents as a child, not once. Based on my experience I think some of those things are perfectly fine to learn on your own. I don't think everything in regards to that needs to be taught, some is just a learn as you go. I was embarrassed about masturbation and even felt guilty about it at times. I think that is fine as a kid. I felt guilty the first time I had a sexual experience with a girl and I think that is fine to. I look back on it and think it would have been better if I had avoided that specific experience. And while I wanted to wait until I got married to have sex and I had expected to wait, I didn't. That experience I don't regret at this point.
> I have no problem with providing children with the information I think they need, but I also want children to stay as innocent as possible for as long as possible.
> That is why I know that if come questions cross the line on what I think they should know, a sugar coated answer with an added response of "you will learn more about that as you get older," is very acceptable.


Said the man who has never raised a child. No disrespect to you dude but honestly you have no idea what it takes to raise a child and what decisions you will or will not make, I am absolutely floored that you are so adamant about your opinions about how to raise a child. And for that matter what you will or will not tell them. 

When I started this thread this was so not the way I thought it was going to end, thanks for thread jacking!


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## gbrad (Jul 20, 2010)

LoriC said:


> Said the man who has never raised a child. No disrespect to you dude but honestly you have no idea what it takes to raise a child and what decisions you will or will not make, I am absolutely floored that you are so adamant about your opinions about how to raise a child. And for that matter what you will or will not tell them.
> 
> When I started this thread this was so not the way I thought it was going to end, thanks for thread jacking!


First off, you don't know me, and although I can't prove and for privacy reasons I will not prove how much more qualified I am in the knowledge of raising a child I am than you believe. You can be as floored as you like, I have been considering and evaluating how I will raise a child for about half my life, as well as the other factors involved. 
Second, I'm not sure where you are referring to a thread jack on my part. I gave my opinion on the initial topic. A conversation by MANY people was sparked regarding children and the topic of sex. I have tried to answer those questions as politely and honestly as I can. 
So with all due respect, get off me.


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## LoriC (Feb 18, 2013)

gbrad said:


> First off, you don't know me, and although I can't prove and for privacy reasons I will not prove how much more qualified I am in the knowledge of raising a child I am than you believe. You can be as floored as you like, I have been considering and evaluating how I will raise a child for about half my life, as well as the other factors involved.
> Second, I'm not sure where you are referring to a thread jack on my part. I gave my opinion on the initial topic. A conversation by MANY people was sparked regarding children and the topic of sex. I have tried to answer those questions as politely and honestly as I can.
> So with all due respect, get off me.


Yes I don't know you and I don't really care to. What exactly qualifies you to make better decisions than us parents on this forum. Could it be a number of books you may have read? 

And for the record I'm not ON you. I have been following this thread since the inception and honestly I just had enough. IMO, you had no business even posting in this thread as you DO NOT have children. Ok, I'm done.


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## gbrad (Jul 20, 2010)

LoriC said:


> Yes I don't know you and I don't really care to. What exactly qualifies you to make better decisions than us parents on this forum. Could it be a number of books you may have read?
> 
> And for the record I'm not ON you. I have been following this thread since the inception and honestly I just had enough. IMO, you had no business even posting in this thread as you DO NOT have children. Ok, I'm done.


thank type of attitude doesn't only bother me, but it severely hurts. As someone who has tried for years to have kids, but physically can not have kids, it hurts. For someone who has wanted to have kids for as long as I can remember, beyond prior to ever being married, it hurts. Thoughts that just because people don't have kids, they can't have an opinion about that, that is an extremely conceited thought process. There are so many people who have children and are clueless at how to raise them and some who never even wanted kids but ended up with them, while there are many people who could be great parents, but are not able to. I try my best to be as polite as I can on this site even when people have been quite rude to me on other threads, but comments like that on a topic of kids, hit very very deep. 
For the record, it has nothing to do with books read, that's laughable. But I will refrain from being rude towards you, even though the only words I really want to type are of the 4 letter variety. 
Also, I never said I was qualified to make better decisions regarding children. But just because you have kids, doesn't automatically make you better qualified either. Sperm to egg, doesn't make someone a great parent automatically. 
Also I am sorry that you didn't like the direction this thread went. The initial conversation did get discussed in extensive length. Many people participated in the direction the conversation went regarding children and the topic of sex. I guess I get to take the blame though because I am for some reason the hated bad guy with bad opinions. That is fine, I am not here to make people like me. But I can be confident in saying that I don't put posts on here meant to directly hurt other people.


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## Lyris (Mar 29, 2012)

Gbrad, I'm really sorry you are experiencing the pain of infertility. I hope that one day you'll be able to become a parent, one way or another. FWIW, I think you will be a very loving and conscientious one even though I could not disagree with you more about the wisdom of keeping children ignorant when it comes to sex.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Gbrad, the thing about being a parent, and all of us who are can attest to this, is that we too had visions of what was going to come before that first one was born. We had it all laid out, we knew how we were going to handle each situation that came up, all the major topics, behaviors, imparting our wisdom. In short, we had a plan. And then you know what...life happens and no matter how you think things are going to go, no matter how you think you are going to react, what you're going to say and do, life with kids always turns out differently than what you thought, and a lot of times, it turns out totally diferently.

It's true that there are some good parents and some bad parents, but one can't make that judgement until they actually are parents. What parenting ultimately boils down to is being able to make daily split second decisions without knowing all the facts, and spending the rest of your life hoping you made the right ones because there are no do overs.


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## Red2 (Apr 28, 2013)

samyeagar said:


> Gbrad, the thing about being a parent, and all of us who are can attest to this, is that we too had visions of what was going to come before that first one was born. We had it all laid out, we knew how we were going to handle each situation that came up, all the major topics, behaviors, imparting our wisdom. In short, we had a plan. And then you know what...life happens and no matter how you think things are going to go, no matter how you think you are going to react, what you're going to say and do, life with kids always turns out differently than what you thought, and a lot of times, it turns out totally diferently.
> 
> It's true that there are some good parents and some bad parents, but one can't make that judgement until they actually are parents. What parenting ultimately boils down to is being able to make daily split second decisions without knowing all the facts, and spending the rest of your life hoping you made the right ones because there are no do overs.


If I had the option to like this ten times, I would! Well said!


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## TCSRedhead (Oct 17, 2012)

samyeagar said:


> Gbrad, the thing about being a parent, and all of us who are can attest to this, is that we too had visions of what was going to come before that first one was born. We had it all laid out, we knew how we were going to handle each situation that came up, all the major topics, behaviors, imparting our wisdom. In short, we had a plan. And then you know what...life happens and no matter how you think things are going to go, no matter how you think you are going to react, what you're going to say and do, life with kids always turns out differently than what you thought, and a lot of times, it turns out totally diferently.
> 
> It's true that there are some good parents and some bad parents, but one can't make that judgement until they actually are parents. What parenting ultimately boils down to is being able to make daily split second decisions without knowing all the facts, and spending the rest of your life hoping you made the right ones because there are no do overs.


This needed to be repeated. 

I honestly thought I had it all figured out. Then one child turned in to two. They were nothing alike. What worked for one didn't work for the other. 

Now I'm doing it all over again 20 years later and he's nothing like either of the others.


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## Created2Write (Aug 25, 2011)

Never mind.


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## Created2Write (Aug 25, 2011)

LoriC said:


> Said the man who has never raised a child. No disrespect to you dude but honestly you have no idea what it takes to raise a child and what decisions you will or will not make, I am absolutely floored that you are so adamant about your opinions about how to raise a child. And for that matter what you will or will not tell them.
> 
> When I started this thread this was so not the way I thought it was going to end, thanks for thread jacking!


Well, to be fair, I was assisting in the threadjack. Sorry Lori.


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## Created2Write (Aug 25, 2011)

LoriC said:


> Yes I don't know you and I don't really care to. What exactly qualifies you to make better decisions than us parents on this forum. Could it be a number of books you may have read?
> 
> And for the record I'm not ON you. I have been following this thread since the inception and honestly I just had enough. IMO, you had no business even posting in this thread as you DO NOT have children. Ok, I'm done.


I don't have children either....I saw someone say something I disagreed with and I posted, as did others. If you didn't want this conversation to unfold, I think it would have been better to say so right when it started. And it isn't fair to lay all of this on gbrad. I don't want to call out names, but there were MANY of us who posted in response to what he said. If you're going to get upset at him, you'd better call the rest of us out as well. 

I'll stop responding though, since only people with children are allowed to post, even though there was nothing of the kind said at the beginning of the thread.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

C2W, the difference between your responses and gbrad's is that you acknowledge that you, as far as I have seen, acknowledge that you are likely to change some of your planned parenting strategies. You also acknowledge that keeping sexuality completely hidden from your kids is harmful as well. You lived that. From the things I read in this thread, gbrad's position hasn't wavered from the stance that it's irresponsible to sneak away for a few minutes for a quickie while the kids are watching TV or playing a game. You and I, much like gbrad, are fairly conservative in our viewpoints. 

Now, from what I have seen in your own posts, even in other threads where people have talked about kids and the things they do, both right and wrong... I have not seen you tell people that they are irresponsible because they do things that you believe you will NOT do. You are more of a "hmmm... I don't think I could do that when we have kids.", rather than "Doing that is wrong! I can't believe there are people who would do such a thing!"... See the difference? That's the way, I think, LoriC was taking the posts. And that, I believe, is why she didn't say anything to you about not having children.


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## Created2Write (Aug 25, 2011)

I definitely see the difference. I just didn't think it was okay that gbrad was bombarded for posting in this thread when I was posting just as much as he was. *shrug*


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## LoriC (Feb 18, 2013)

Created2Write said:


> I don't have children either....I saw someone say something I disagreed with and I posted, as did others. If you didn't want this conversation to unfold, I think it would have been better to say so right when it started. And it isn't fair to lay all of this on gbrad. I don't want to call out names, but there were MANY of us who posted in response to what he said. If you're going to get upset at him, you'd better call the rest of us out as well.
> 
> I'll stop responding though, since only people with children are allowed to post, even though there was nothing of the kind said at the beginning of the thread.


Well, the question I posted was "do your older/teen kids know?" So if you read that and you don't have kids I'm not sure why you or Gbrad posted at all. You don't have kids so how could you possibly answer this question? 

This was a very light hearted thread where those of us parents were sharing funny stories about the fact that our kids knew we were getting it on. Gbrad was insulting to a lot of parents because of his views. A lot of people were trying to explain to him that he cannot possibly know how he would feel, react until he is actually in the situation. After reading so many of his posts I finally had it. It was a thread jack because it turned into a different topic completely. 

Maricha was accurate in her post in explaining why you weren't called out. I will take your advice and call you out as well if that is what you wish.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

There is one thing I did find interesting, regarding both gbrad's posts and C2W's. Both had the perspective of older kids/teens whose parents were NOT open with them about sex... and how it affected them...well, one feels it is better to stay clammed up, the other wishes her parents had been more open. So, in that respect, BOTH helped in the conversation... Seeing the perspective of both of them solidified my resolve to be open with my kids. Not "flaunt" it as gbrad suggested, but discuss t openly, answer questions...and don't HIDE it from them. C2W actually solidified my position that I was doing a good job. 

So, both kinda helped....


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## Created2Write (Aug 25, 2011)

LoriC said:


> Well, the question I posted was "do your older/teen kids know?" So if you read that and you don't have kids I'm not sure why you or Gbrad posted at all. You don't have kids so how could you possibly answer this question?
> 
> This was a very light hearted thread where those of us parents were sharing funny stories about the fact that our kids knew we were getting it on. Gbrad was insulting to a lot of parents because of his views. A lot of people were trying to explain to him that he cannot possibly know how he would feel, react until he is actually in the situation. After reading so many of his posts I finally had it. It was a thread jack because it turned into a different topic completely.
> 
> Maricha was accurate in her post in explaining why you weren't called out. I will take your advice and call you out as well if that is what you wish.


I responded with a few stories about my parents and experiences my husband and I had with our animal babies, which was lighthearted. Just because someone doesn't have kids themselves doesn't mean they don't have a response to the OP. Expecting us to just sit out of an otherwise hilarious thread is naive, imo. If you don't want people to post who don't have kids, then say so in the OP. That way we know that you will be irked and upset if we post.


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## Created2Write (Aug 25, 2011)

I'm glad my view could help, Maricha.


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## LoriC (Feb 18, 2013)

Created2Write said:


> I responded with a few stories about my parents and experiences my husband and I had with our animal babies, which was lighthearted. Just because someone doesn't have kids themselves doesn't mean they don't have a response to the OP. Expecting us to just sit out of an otherwise hilarious thread is naive, imo. If you don't want people to post who don't have kids, then say so in the OP. That way we know that you will be irked and upset if we post.


Never had a problem with anything you posted.


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

LoriC said:


> Well, the question I posted was "do your older/teen kids know?" So if you read that and you don't have kids I'm not sure why you or Gbrad posted at all. You don't have kids so how could you possibly answer this question?


She posted about being a teen child who had parents that hid it from her and how it affected her. That sounds pretty on topic to me.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

The other night, my 19yo soon to be step son smartly knocked on the door, was adamently told to go away by my SO, then a few seconds later, he proceed to walk in to see his mom riding away on top of me. He slowly backed away and out of the room. Didn't say a word, like it never happened...until a few nights later when his mom and I were in the bedroom after a really long day. The door was cracked open, and he walked in just as my SO was pointing out to me that it was past 11:30pm and we handn't had sex all day yet. He just said 'Damn it you two' and walked away


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## gbrad (Jul 20, 2010)

LoriC said:


> Never had a problem with anything you posted.


But because you didn't like my opinion, you had a problem with it. I also don't know how what I said was insulting to anyone? 
If it was my comment about irresponsibility, everyone does irresponsible things all of the time, I did one or two today, there are many levels of irresponsibility. The one I mentioned would probably be considered lower level. 
Your post to me on the other hand had me holding back tears as I walked away from the computer.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

I can understand being upset over the dig at not having children. I have friends who have dealt with infertility for years. So, I get it... I get it as well as anyone who has not dealt with this affliction CAN get it. 

I think the big thing is that it appeared, whether you meant it that way or not, gbrad, that you placed those who have sex in their bedrooms while the kids are halfway across the house watching TV in the same category as those who you believe shouldn't have kids at all. And that is what clinched it for some. I know it got me a bit upset, but I chose to address it more about how those who haven't had children (yet) can say one thing NOW, but once those children are in their care, often things get flipped, ya know? I know I planned for certain things with my kids, but reality changed the plans lol. Same thing applies when dealing with this subject. It is possible (don't tune me out just yet!) that if you and your wife FINALLY get things sorted out completely between you, and you see each other in a BETTER light, you might surprise yourself and become attracted to her... which could easily lead to nooners when the kids are otherwise occupied. 

I know you can't see this happening NOW, in your current marital state... but, perhaps, you could acknowledge that it IS possible, even if not very probable?


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## Coach8 (Jun 17, 2013)

Ours are only 3 and 2, but we did have a funny incident a few months ago. The kids were both down for a nap, and me and the wife took the opportunity to have a midday romp on a Sunday. We were going at it, and the wife can be pretty loud at times. Their room is across the house, so we weren't worried about waking them up. As we are really getting in to it, we hear our son (the 3 year old) outside in the hall yelling, "Daddy, what are you doing to my mama!!" He had woken up and I assured him that mama was fine. My wife was laughing so hard she couldn't even respond. He just kept asking if mommy was okay. He wouldn't leave until Mrs. Coach dressed and went out in the hall to let him know she was fine.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Had some afternoon fun with my STBW. Went shopping later with the STB Step Daughter. We were in Bath and Body Works, and she sprayed some smelly stuff on my wrist to see how it smelled, and got a good whiff of her mom along with it. Priceless reaction


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