# What do ladies do to initiate intimacy or turn your guy on?



## MrMojoGenX (Feb 11, 2011)

What do ladies do to initiate intimacy or turn your guy on?

Background:
As those of you from more conservative backgrounds know, like my spouse and I, sexual repertoire for conservative couples is composed primarily from our own relationship. Celibacy before marriage, and fidelity within marriage. For example, her exposure to porn is very limited. I've viewed porn, and so I know what is out there, but because of our conservative upbringing, she, and to some extent me, our exposure to the art of sexuality has been somewhat limited, and I'm skeptical that porn is the best or most healthy way to increase one's sexuality with his/her partner. We do well enough. Even so, after 10+ years of marriage and somewhat healthy frequency of sex, the bedroom creativity is lacking, at least to my liking. She is probably just fine with it. I try to be creative, and she usually goes along, but she doesn't make much of an effort to be creative. I'm eager to oblige her interests, but her attitude is typically whatever I want to do is fine...so long as it's not too crazy. She tells me sh doesn't have sexual preferences. But she wouldn't be interested in me using a sex toy on her, for example. Probably in her opinion, dildos are for desperate or sl**ty women.

She is fairly passive, and doesn't really initiate sex, but she has agreed to being together on certain evenings of the week if we haven't been together by that time...which we are never together before evening. She usually wears something sexy and we talk and then it kind of goes from there. It's a routine, but not necessarily passionless or boring. Rarely ever spontaneous, and even rarer outside of the bedroom. (We do have young kids, but you can still be spontaneous, etc. with children if you actually try. She just doesn't try.) However, I am grateful to have routine sex 3 times a week. Some suffer having much less than that. Still, this is not a completely healthy way to go about sex, and we have had lots of discussion over the years that I would like her to take more initiative, be seductive, and creative. But she has a difficult time coming out of her comfort zone to do that. She has said, for example, "I'm not a Victoria Secret model, and I can't prance around like that." She is very beautiful though. She just has not ever developed her feminine or seductive charms. In our first year of marriage, I encouraged her once to do a sort of striptease, and she didn't want to do it, she felt very awkward trying after a lot of pressure by me, and said she just couldn't do something like that. I have learned not to put heavy pressure on her, but still communicate what I want in a respectful and encouraging way. But it's been an uphill battle, and change has been slow. For example, it took over a year before she would participate in oral sex, and then another year before it was more regular part of our relations. Even now, she would probably just as easily do without oral sex. But there has been progress. So I have hope that I can continue to encourage her to develop her sexuality.

Right now I'm somewhat at an impasse, and would like some advice. I know I want her to take more initiative, be more visually seductive, and generally let go and be much more uninhibited, but in part because of my own inexperience, I need some more ideas to suggest to her or help her try out. She is not going to just start poll-dancing or do a lap dance just because I suggested it. She wouldn't know where to start, nor would she just suddenly go out to learn how to do something like that. I'm not necessarily looking for a poll-dance either although a lap-dance would be good. Anyways, baby-steps. Some simple things to help her develop her confidence and sexuality.

Wearing lacey panties and a chemise is great, but it kind of defeats most of the visual purpose if she puts them on and then just slips under the covers.

So, full circle back to the original question:
What do ladies do to initiate intimacy or turn your guy on?

My question isn't just for ladies to answer. Guys if there is something your lady does to initiate sex, or that is visually seductive for you, please share.

Detailed description is good, but in the spirit of decency, I'm not asking for text-version of a titillating-porn-pic-thread. So, hopefully this thread can be descriptive without being vulgar.


----------



## Draguna (Jan 13, 2011)

Hmmm, I'm not the right person to ask, as I just have to see/think of her to get turned on. But for when she wants to initiate, she basically pounces me. There is also the "grab", her aroused look or she just tells me to "start". 

Well ofcourse she surprises me sometimes with lingerie or walking into the bedroom and find her laying on the bed ready. Can't think of anything else right now as she does too many, but other people will surely have advice for you as well.

Also, this is just me, but porn can be quite handy in such a situation. But if you're uncomfortable with the idea, don't even bother. 

Hope this was decent enough for you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## MrMojoGenX (Feb 11, 2011)

Draguna said:


> Hope this was decent enough for you.


Re vulgarity, I'm not the easily offended type. My concern is I wouldn't want it to be so over the top that the thread got deleted or something like that.


----------



## moonangel (Jan 19, 2011)

To turn my guy on...I really just have to grab between his legs when we're alone together (watching tv, lying in bed, in the car, etc.). In the morning, I simply say, "Let's do it." And he's on.


----------



## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

I am sure she is shy about all this stuff,

You have to guide her actually! 

While she is with you alone, put her hand on your cok, and let her play with it, she might be shy at the beginning, but your satisfied expression will encourage her. 

At night, if you guys are able to sleep naked, please sleep naked, sleeping naked can really give your opportunities to be intimate with each other. You can fondle her breasts and pu$$$, she can play with your cok, do it at least ten minutes together every night before you roll over, it is really going to enhance your feeling for each other. 

While you are alone with her, flirt with her by asking her how her pu$$$ feels, what would her pu$$$ like you to do, what would she like it if you put your hard cok inside her, just flirt with her and say all this horny stuff, she might blush at the beginning, but it will fire both of you up. 

When my husband is reading or typing on the computer, I have nothing to do, I just go up to him and unzip his pants and start sucking him, tease him for about five minutes, make him very hard, then walk away with a mischievous smile. When we go down stairs, my husband will make blow job sound and that always make me smile. 

Lingerie, stockings, garters, all those sexy stuff are something must since you guys love it, go to stores and shop with her together, buy things you like her to wear. 

I have to go to cook now, if I come up with more ideas, I will tell you later.


----------



## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

If you want a sexual wife, remember, you have to be a sexual man first. We usually let men lead in this area. If you want her to be flirtatious, you have to be flirtatious first. 

I don't like plastic toys either, never tried any toys, I like my husband's meaty cok. 

Your cok is her toy, let her play with it often; your finger is your tool, while you have your cok inside her pu$$$, you can finger her asshooo at the same time, she might find it uncomfortable at the beginning, but after she is used to it, she will love it, you can use your finger as your second cok, fu** her asshooo with your finger and her pu$$$ with your cok at the same time, it can really give her great feeling. Why do we need plastic toys if we have our bodies? 

While she is preparing for food, you can spank her ass if she doesn't mind it, grope her breasts from behind, kiss her hair tenderly. 

Please remember, all your moves have to be gentle and affectionate.

When you are doing all these sexual stuff, she will respond you slowly, then she will become flirtatious gradually. You have to make her feel comfortable first!

Now my move, I spank my husband ass when he is naked, I play with his cok when I sit behind him, I look at him up and down with my lustful eyes and I smile at the same time, I let him know I am staring his cok. I tell him that my pu$$$ is itchy, needs his cok to scratch it and stop it! Spread my legs wide open when he walks in the bedroom. Stand in front of him, open my housecoat, show my pu$$$ to him, and play with my pu$$$ in front of him................................


----------



## TheTopChef (Oct 14, 2010)

To answer your question, what do I do to turn my husband on/initiate intimacy? Lots of things :smthumbup:

-When he comes home, be waiting in the bedroom with no clothes on. I'm a paraplegic, so "positioning" myself can be tricky. This move consists of me flat on my back with one leg crossed over the other, much in the way a woman crosses her legs while sitting. He'll walk in and see me there and I greet him wearing nothing but a smile and tell him, "Glad your home, honey!" A favorite way for him, he says.

- A simple pet and stroke of his nether regions while whispering an "I love you, hon," can be a very quick and easy way to initiate.

- This one doesn't get said enough: Send a naughty text/voicemail. I sent him one yesterday that he loved. He was ready and willing to get on with it when he got home.

- Another "greeting" one. When he gets home and we have dinner, I will smooch on him a little bit and start to undress him. That usually warms him up and if he's too tired/not in the mood (rare!) I will lead him to the bedroom and just go down on him. After a really long, hard day, that can be very helpful! A lot of times, that simple ***job can lead to him changing his mind and we do the deed. I am also NOT one to object to a quickie. Sometimes in life, women need to just "get theirs." 

Just a few thoughts. I hope they help.

Also, I will be the voice of dissent here. If your wife is as conservative as you say she is, please, oh please don't refer to her hoo-ha as a pu$$y, nor her rear as her a$$ or a$$h0le. These will not be well received.


----------



## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

MrMojo: This is a fantastic video to get, but I warn you there will be some very hot sensuous bedroom sex at the end. One of my personal favorites to watch! http://lovingsex.com/ProductInfo.aspx?productid=D609 It will teach your wife step by step to entice her man seductively, erotically, giving many ideas along the way. 

I have rented MANY educational sex dvd's, they have helped me tremendously, but they are definetely pornish. Just saying, I used to be conserative like your wife too, and this helped ME break out of that very very nicely, there is no way to put me back into that conservative box I originally was in. Examples here: Loving Sex Instructional DVDs for Couples

Also I read many books -this one really turned ME on : Amazon.com: Passionista: The Empowered Woman's Guide to Pleasuring a Man (9780060834395): Ian Kerner: Books 

Not that I'm I'd idiot, but I thought this was eye opening too, the reviews caught my eye : Amazon.com: The Complete Idiot's Guide to Amazing Sex, Third Edition (9781592573271): Sari Locker: Books

I just took what I was watching and what I read and put it into erotic action - nothing wrong with a little lusty inspiration !!


----------



## MrMojoGenX (Feb 11, 2011)

Thanks for the suggestions so far. Keep 'em coming. The more, the better.


----------



## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

MrMojoGenX said:


> She is fairly passive, and doesn't really initiate sex, but she has agreed to being together on certain evenings of the week if we haven't been together by that time...which we are never together before evening. She usually wears something sexy and we talk and then it kind of goes from there. It's a routine, but not necessarily passionless or boring. Rarely ever spontaneous, and even rarer outside of the bedroom. (We do have young kids, but you can still be spontaneous, etc. with children if you actually try. She just doesn't try.) However, I am grateful to have routine sex 3 times a week.


If she is more the passive type & has "agreed" to 3 nights a week, likely she is not going to be aroused enough on her own to start seducing /initiating - *UNLESS she purposely chooses to set her mind on sex & pleasure. Have you talked to her about this ?* Does SHE also want this , more variety, the trying of new things, does she know you desire her to initiate , that this would "move" your world ??

I say this about the "*mindset*" because when I was very conservative, I could have went a week before I "wanted it" & approached him, I just wasn't "thinking" about sex-even though it WAS exhilerating when we had it cause we were starving by then (we were once a weekers) -but always the same thing- we had so little variety, it is utterly embarrasing to speak of. My mind was preoccupied with kids, house projects, church, books, whatever. And I am not even the passive type! 

Now we have sex 5-6 times a week, this is not because we are "feeling" it so much & have a lust to seduce,* it is because we both desire to purposely arouse each other *-I have gained a new sexual mindset -realizing what I have been missing all these years. SEX is the most pleasurable gift God has given us! What better way to end the night or start the day. The more the better, we now live to spice. 

Because of the Hormone Estrogen, women are generally more "Receptive" in the bedroom, many many women do not care to initiate, it truly is hormonal -then a lack of understanding what thier husbands want from them. 

But she can LEARN! 

A neat way to introduce some NEW & exciting ideas is purchase a game like this : Discover Your Lover Game It has 240 question cards & 240 Task cards (those are fun!). It has Massage , partner strip tease, Intimate Questions, Affectionate tasks, Intimate tasks, Passionate tasks. And the questions run from Easy /intimate & difficult. Just playing it can introduce many new things -and you wont even have to ask her -the cards will ! We have forgone the game board & just keep the cards by our bedside & use them some nights -for inspiration.

So long as you have a locked bedroom door, kids shouldnt be a problem either, we have 5 still at home, youngest is in pull ups. So long as they are entertained & not going to kill each other, go upstairs early! 

Things I have done:

*1.* Take Bubble baths together, wash each other's every body part, put candles around the tub. Romantic music in the background would be another ++

*2. * Erotic massage - many fine oils out there for variety. 

*3.* Sleep naked always - Fight naked too !

*4. * I am flirtatous throughout the day when he is home, going up behind him to wrap my arms around him, kiss him, even our words to each other, if a hint of something sexual, we give a 
teasing smile or touch, many times with the kids around even, 
they don't know what is going on (although sometimes it is obvious) -but what they see is a very happy Mom & Dad. No texting here because his job is too demanding - he needs to fully concentrate on his work... But when he comes home...

*5. * I have greeted him at the door in lingerie (if no kids home-a rare thing). Slowly pulling him upstairs with that look in my eyes, slowly undressing him, kissing his neck , his chest, unzipping, telling him what I want to do to him.... 

*6. * After kids on the bus, have cooked him breakfast dressed up as a French maid, Nurse, catering to his every whim.

*7. * We watch romantic movies together often, I slip under the covers to pleasure him, this often leads to not finishing that movie. 

*8*. It is great to plan an exclusive very romantic Vacation just for the 2 of you to enjoy. I choose one that is catered to lovers -a place that have GIFT SHOPS to entice your bedroom experience, a heart shaped pool in your room, your own champaine glass hot tub, mirrors on the ceilings. And I brought music to fill the room with an atmoshere of "desire".

*9. * We both have spent time taking erotic photos of each other (dressing up/props), use a tripod to get you both, go outside , use nature. You can make your own erotic movies too! We did that on our vacation trip. Such memories are priceless. 

*10*. If eating out, I might touch him under the table if noone sees, we hold hands, I might slip by hand into his back pocket & give him a squeeze - just little things like this, it is ongoing loving affection where he is KNOWING I am "into him" and always looking forward to our next connection.


----------



## Mrs.G (Nov 20, 2010)

I make dirty phone calls, send teasing emails and give him blow jobs as soon as he walks in. I also wear lingerie.
For example, we celebrated Valentine's Day by going out for a romantic dinner. Mr.G kept grabbing my ass and making jokes about spending money on roses and dinner; "I better get rewarded for all the money I spent!" We laughed and kissed a lot.
When we came home, I slipped into a short, red lacy number with high heeled red sandals. It was a hot night.
It sounds like your wife needs confidence. She needs to know that it is okay be gloriously dirty with her husband.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## JrsMrs (Dec 27, 2010)

Many years ago, someone recommended this book to my H and I: Amazon.com: The Guide to Getting It On (9781885535337): Paul Joannides, Daerick Gross Sr.: Books

I thought it was great and would definitely recommend it to any couple.


----------



## notaname (Feb 4, 2011)

When I was conservative religious I was VERY disconnected from my body. Especially my sensuality. Sad. I've only recently begun to reconnect and celebrate my sensuality. I think I can relate to your wife.

Anyway, I don't think you can make someone get connected to their body and sexuality. But, you could try different things to get her tapped in. There have been great tips already.

I don't know about your wife, but I hadn't touched myself "down there" since I got married---15 years. I rarely touched my body at all, even in the shower. 
Encourage her to start touching herself and exploring her body. It can be as simple as her making a routine of massaging lotion into her skin every morning. It can be as bold as her starting to masturbate and discover her hot buttons.

Naked time. I was never naked except for showering and sex. I always had several layers of modest clothing on and we NEVER slept naked. We would redress immediately after sex. Lingerie was used like you describe-put it on, jump in bed, take it off. LOL
Encourage her to be naked with you after the kids are in bed. Just watch a movie naked or read in bed naked or whatever. Be naked MORE in non-sexual context. Praise her beautiful, sexy body. 
During the day touch her hips, waist and neck...especially from behind.

Luckily, my DH is willing to do anything in the bedroom I am game for...and luckily we are both NOT interested in certain things.
I purchased the first adult toys of our marriage recently. They have made a big difference for me.
There are some fun little vibrating bullet type toys that can be used for couples during penetration or foreplay. They are pretty cheap and versitile. There are even "Christian Couple" adult toy websites that try to be sensitive and porn free.

AVOID pornography. I think she would just be repulsed by it. However, you could try short romance novel type stuff leaning towards erotica.

Like has been mentioned, do NOT use terms like they use in porn to refer to her or your intimate regions. LOL It won't turn her on at all. Don't expect her to ever use those terms.

You might consider the two of you doing some exercise or sports type activities together. All kinds of benefits to that.

When I am open to an encounter with my DH I just give him signals and expect him to follow through. I really want him to take me and be more assertive, so I am not likely to take that role. What I am doing is sending him signals everyday that I am open to sex. 

Perhaps you don't really need her to initiate, but be more of an eager participant? If she did more button pushing rather than being passive during encounters would that help?


----------



## 4sure (Aug 8, 2010)

I whisper seductively in his ear. I talk dirty to him while pulling his hair gently. I sit on his lap, and tell him what I want, and what he will do for me sexually. He's a willing soul.


----------

