# for the techies - text surveillance - help!



## daibai (Sep 10, 2013)

I KNOW that my husband is texting OW up to 40 times per day. I have his phone records online and see every text ocurrance realtime. BUT when try to look at his phone there is NOTHING!

Here's my question...is he deleting the texts and then they're just gone! When I delete texts on my iphone, they stick around for awhile. He has a samsung Intensity III....a very simple phone. No email account, just voice and texting.

Pretty sure there is no decoy phone......But where do all these texts go? Is is simple as deleting? He is not very tech savvy at all, so hard to imagine that he is pulling this off, but from what I've read, it's possible.

If I bothered to buy a SIMcard reader could I see deleted texts?

Thanks for the support....

Daibai


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Have you googled the model of phone and "recover deleted text"


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

What's the point, if you know he's doing it. That would be enough to confront.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

mablenc said:


> What's the point, if you know he's doing it. That would be enough to confront.


Respectfully disagree. He will shoot her down AND make her take the blame for being paranoid with just that.

What carrier? Shared plan?


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## thunderstruck (May 9, 2012)

daibai said:


> He is not very tech savvy at all, so hard to imagine that he is pulling this off, but from what I've read, it's possible.


Right, but the OW might be a techie and/or veteran cheater, so she's instructed him on it.

Did you look in at his SENT folder? Sometimes those morons forget about that, even though they're good at deleting their inbox.


mablenc said:


> What's the point, if you know he's doing it. That would be enough to confront.


^^^THIS. 40 times/day. It would be nice for you to be able to read the texts, but I'd say that you know enough at this point to stomp some azz.


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## BlueCalcite (Jul 15, 2013)

Are you named on the account? If so, I know Verizon will send you the transcripts of any texts sent to/from the phone, but they only retain them, on average, for 3 to 5 days. I'm not sure how other carriers work, but I imagine there's a good chance that they'd have a similar policy.


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

weightlifter said:


> Respectfully disagree. He will shoot her down AND make her take the blame for being paranoid with just that.
> 
> What carrier? Shared plan?


What I meant is that if she already know he's cheating and she's already knows who the OW is, then this is more to throw in the pile of evidence. 

It diffrent from not knowing if there is cheating, from knowing he's cheating and with who.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Mab. Respectfully disagree. Just had CRUSHING success with my new confront script involving divorce papers with a picture paperclipped to the upper right corner.

The person who used it had devastating success with the combo. it was deadly and she surrendered completely. I wrote like 10 lines for him. She gave in on the second line. First line was a prelude. Second line was the papers and pic.

Done. Game over. Surrender. It even sounds like he got most of the story the first go.

She lacks anything but coincidence. Once she has that it IS affair and with who....


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## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

I didn't Know Verizon would do that. They probably charge through the nose. 

Yes, he is probably deleting them. But there are probably remnants on the phone. How down and dirty do you want to get? How much money are you walking to spends?

Why not block her number from the account? It might draw him out.

Where is he when he texts? Are the any phone calls? Emails? 

How does he know her? can they see one another in real life? Just shook my head... real life.... 

If so, are there times when there is No. texting between them that could be when they meet? 

If there are calls then is a voice activated recorder in his car.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Ovid (Oct 11, 2012)

samsung Intensity III is a newer "old style" phone. It's main feature is that it's a dumb phone with good texting capability due to slide out keyboard. The only reason to buy this phone is texting. Did he purchase this phone recently?

Because it's an older style OS the text platform may have both sent, and deleted folders. You'll want to check these.

Texts will more than likely be stored on the phone itself, and not the sim card.

Check his images folder for any downloaded pictures.


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## thunderstruck (May 9, 2012)

Do you already know who the OW is? If not, do some net searches on her phone number. May turn up something.


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

According to one website it says that if you buy a SIM card reader from one of the spy and gadget stores you may be able to put the program in your computer and download the data from the SIM card and retrieve deleted messages. I am not a techie but if I wanted to know for sure I think I would be tempted to buy one.

Under your circumstances how are you going to get the SIM card? Will your WS give you his phone?


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## daibai (Sep 10, 2013)

THanks everyone!

I'd set up an email account under my name for his phone activity. He changed it today, I think with her help.

What I have is a spreadsheet with texts to her home and cell phone number for 3 months. I have a copy of a downloaded email from his computer. No PROOF of PA but certainly an EA. SHE says in the email oh baby, baby my love....and "what will you do if she begs you not to leave you?" She speaks of her husband and their problems. He is not as effusive in the email. However, I also have journal writings in which he professes his love to her. He says "I want you, I need you, I love you. The email and copy of the journal are in the safe deposit box, he has no access to it.

You're right that she is tech saavy, has been helping him with all this. 

THat's all I got! 

It's time to confront. I don't know why I am so scared to. If I confront, there may be no future for us possibly. I want to save my marriage. I have the H cell phone number but that seems like too much drama for me. I have contacted an attorney and am ready to file for D if need be but really want to save my marriage.

He has agreed to MC due to our marital problems but is putting it off, says he needs 2 weeks. 

My atty says just try to win him back but this is killing me. I have stomach pains, can't eat or sleep and hard to work. Crying all the time. Feel weak and sick.

Thank you any advise is helpful.


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## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

It is drama but doesn't the guy deserve to know what she is up to with your husband? And if you want to stay married the affair has to end. 

There isn't a guarantee but there is a good chance being found out will make at least one of them run back home because divorce is hard, painful and costly. 

If you tell him try to coordinate so you confront at the same time do they don't communicate in between. 

Her husband could be very valuable to you. 

It is your choice but a lot of people who didn't expose later regret it. You expose to the husband, your family, your husband's family and friends
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

Expose her to her husband. Don't warn them, expose to the family as well.

Good work.


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## daibai (Sep 10, 2013)

Shaggy - Weightlifter -Thunderstruck- i researched and your comments are right. The samsung is a dumb phone. Perfect for their purposes...this OW is too much, she went to a lot of trouble setting him up and tutoring him on stealth tactics. There are no deleted folders nothing in the sent folder.

Whats more he is using his WORK EMAIL i see the messages on his laptop history...again not the content just the message titles. Gotta print that out.

Bluecalcite -- I think id have to subpoena verizon to get the records. But i do feel that i have enuf.

He never talks on the phone in the car...he texts frim home sometimes even while i am there. Not so much now he knows i am suspicious have known for 1 month.

The OW H. Contacting him...God that scares the bejesus out of me. I think shes done this b4. I am kindof known in the community with a small business just getting off the ground.

I must tel you i am gobsmacked by this. Were both in big trouble, its awful.

Thanks again looking forward to helping others in my situation when this is over.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

daibai said:


> My atty says just try to win him back


Did he give you a reason why or an end game? I'm sorry, this just sounds stupid.


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## daibai (Sep 10, 2013)

She doesn't think I am ready financially to go it on my own. And there's the healthinsurance. More for practical reasons. I worry about that myself.


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## TheFlood117 (Mar 24, 2013)

If it's an android phone, unfortunately once they are deleted you cannot recover them. 

But... You can notify the provider and they will give you text messages- either in printed form or actually restore them. 

But if it's deleted. On android, you cannot recover them. 

Sorry. 

Get a new attorney. 

Win Him Back. 

WTF, is that crap. 

Sorry you are here. Good luck. Sounds like you husband is DEEP in the fog and OW is a masterful betrayer- probably not her first go around. Her poor hubby as now idea what he's married too. 

Yuck, cheaters.... The lowest of the low. 

Sorry. So sorry.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

>My atty says just try to win him back but this is killing me. I have stomach pains, can't eat or sleep and hard to work. Crying all the time.<
Nicing a cheater getting random poon into not cheating. Yea that will work. My vote for dumbest lawyer ever.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

1. Expose to the OWH

2. Discretely take his phone at an opportune moment and have it have an accident, such as running through the dishwasher. Plead innocence

3. In some states attorneys can issue subpoenas without a judge to get text records


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## BlueCalcite (Jul 15, 2013)

Shaggy said:


> 3. In some states attorneys can issue subpoenas without a judge to get text records


My understanding is that any attorney can issue subpoenas without any court intervention. Unless that's just my state. But as an "officer of the court", the attorney has the same subpoena power as the judge. It's law enforcement that has to go through the court system to issue a subpoena.

That said, I still haven't read if she's named on the account or not, but if she is, Verizon doesn't require a subpoena, and the time that it takes for a subpoena would just lose many of the messages anyway.

https://community.verizonwireless.com/thread/770310

Post 7 seems to suggest that you just need to contact Verizon to get them, but the next post goes on to imply that what they do is restore the messages to the phone. So it looks like you'd need the phone in your possession to do it.


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## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

Are you aware of them meeting at any time? 

How looking so did he white the journal entries? 

You said he wasn't as effusive in his emails to her a she was to him. Did you see a response on her "what if? " question? 

Your attorney might have been responding to any desire you expressed to save your marriage. If you will struggle to go it alone and she sees you want to R. her advice might not be bad though her wording could have been better. 

Why does your husband say he needs two weeks for counseling? He's an appointment been made? 

What other problems have there been in the marriage? 

If it has been physical health will that change your feelings about reconciling? 

If it doesn't then your best shot is to gather more or talk to her husband before you decide to confront since he might have some additional info. 

The risk there is he might confront her before you are ready to confront your husband. In every emotional situation there is a chance things will slip out. 

You said the OW has done this before. What do you know about the reasons she didn't leave her husband? Does your just husband know she isn't a first time cheater and that she messy just be looking for her ticket out of a bad marriage? 

Does she work? I am hoping not. Out will be easier for him to see that she might just be using him. It would be great if the guy she cheated with threw her under the bus when they got busted. 

How meant other people know about her other affair? 

If you really want him back patience is probably the best tack. You need more to go on esp if the his journal entry was not recent. He can always say he no longer feels that way about her and then go further underground. It would have to lead to a burner phone which would probably lead to phone calls since you won't know about the phone. Then on to a VAR. since she is a master at this you would have to be really good at hiding it. 

Maybe use two. If he finds one he would probably think he doesn't have to look further. 

Let us know what you want to do and we will try to help the best way can. 

Sometimes I wish we vow could provide more services like surveillance. There is a to being anonymous in these forums. I would love to help someone bust their cheating spouse. 

I know I am not alive!! 

Honest. I just typed alone.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

I also typed how long ago were his journal entries
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

clipclop2 said:


> I know I am not alive!!
> 
> Honest. I just typed alone.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


LOL I also hate auto correct.

GPS. Radio shack has one RDMU used and he liked it.


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## daibai (Sep 10, 2013)

Are you aware of them meeting at any time? 

*He is at the gym at this moment and I think she attends the same class that's where he met her. I have a feeling that he met her yesterday, not sure if they are having sex - no proof. I was surveilling his phone usage with my email but he changed that yesterday, i think with her help. He was gone for a couple of hours and while he was out the user name and password was changed.*

How looking so did he white the journal entries? 

*Beginning of September.*

You said he wasn't as effusive in his emails to her a she was to him. Did you see a response on her "what if? " question? 

*No response. She said Baby, my baby, my love to him. He expressed how selfish I was with no appreciation for what he's done. I had a career change that involved education and starting up a 2 new businesses and education which overlapped. I was very stressed and busy. I worked hard to extricate myself from one business while beginning another somewhat related which I am now exclusively working to get going. My income is not very high at the moment, should be improving.*

Your attorney might have been responding to any desire you expressed to save your marriage. If you will struggle to go it alone and she sees you want to R. her advice might not be bad though her wording could have been better. 

*Agreed. I may not have explained well in my post. Not worth going into but you are right.*

Why does your husband say he needs two weeks for counseling? He's an appointment been made? 

*Yes an appt has been made for next week. He did not give a reason for putting it off. He is in individual counseling now. He is addressing past issues not our marriage in counseling*

What other problems have there been in the marriage? 

*Mostly just my working too much, early mornings late nights. He felt ignored. I was pulled in many directions. He is right to feel that way. There has been a lack of connection. I was very exhausted with too much responsibility. Obviously I did not handle it well.*

If it has been physical health will that change your feelings about reconciling? 

*No problems with physical health I am trying to get my strength back and I have a good schedule now and try to take care of him but he pulls back does not like having me around so much. Resists letting me do things for him. HE SAID LAST WEEK THAT HE IS COMMITTED TO WORKING ON OUR MARRIAGE WITH NO PLANS TO LEAVE ME. But just a feeling, I am not convinced. He is in contact with her daily by phone text and he is meeting her at the gym and I don't know for sure but think he saw her yesterday. He does not use the phone in his car.*

If it doesn't then your best shot is to gather more or talk to her husband before you decide to confront since he might have some additional info. The risk there is he might confront her before you are ready to confront your husband. In every emotional situation there is a chance things will slip out. 

*I don't know her husband met him once. Nice guy. But I fear that confronting him will anger my H towards me and not help chances for R. Afraid he could hurt her. I don't care what happens to her much only how it will affect me and H. I don't want added drama and to involve another person - her husband - in my marriage. Cant imagine that he'd really be an ally.*

You said the OW has done this before. What do you know about the reasons she didn't leave her husband? Does your just husband know she isn't a first time cheater and that she messy just be looking for her ticket out of a bad marriage? 

*They have 3 boys together - they each have problems (the boys). That is how she began speaking to my husband for advice (he is a teacher.) References in the one and only email that I have that her husband would take the boys away if she left. Some reference to something that will happen and they will be together hopefully in February 2014. Some reference to confronting her husband about something that happened in Florida that angered him and that's when he threatened her.*

Does she work? I am hoping not. Out will be easier for him to see that she might just be using him. It would be great if the guy she cheated with threw her under the bus when they got busted. 

*She does not work. My H salary is modest. I think she is unstable and using my husband as a sounding board and whatever else...Can't imagine that my H would take on that situation with a family easily. He is not a practical person.*

How meant other people know about her other affair? 

*Don't know. Not really sure that there was one.*

If you really want him back patience is probably the best tack. You need more to go on esp if the his journal entry was not recent. He can always say he no longer feels that way about her and then go further underground. It would have to lead to a burner phone which would probably lead to phone calls since you won't know about the phone. Then on to a VAR. since she is a master at this you would have to be really good at hiding it. 

*I no longer have access to the phone records. He's onto that, although not sure if he knows I was spying. He has accused me of spying on him 2 weeks ago when I went to the gym with him. I backed off.* 

Maybe use two. If he finds one he would probably think he doesn't have to look further. 

Let us know what you want to do and we will try to help the best way can. 

Sometimes I wish we vow could provide more services like surveillance. There is a to being anonymous in these forums. I would love to help someone bust their cheating spouse. 

I know I am not alive!! 

*Lol I know you typed alone. thanks so much. Sorry you are going through this too. I agree that I need to be patient.* 

Honest. I just typed alone.
Posted via Mobile Device


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## daibai (Sep 10, 2013)

Also, OW is very comfortable financially, big house H makes a good living. She takes care of the kids her husband and herself.


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## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

Do you really think talking to her husband is involving him in your marriage? Isn't it his marriage, too? 

Do what if your husband gets upset that you talked to her husband. Being afraid of "drama " isn't going to get you anywhere. If you want to stop the affair you need to do what you must to shake things up and show your husband that you won't take his infidelity and secretiveness any longer. You cannot avoid drama. 

If you act from a position of fear you will lose the battle. You can just start the divorce proceeding and see where you end up with it. 

If you don't want a divorce you have to be brave. This is your marriage. Are you willing to fight for it? It is said many times here on TAM that you must be willing to lose your marriage to save it. If you think about it the risk isn't that great because if things continue as they are he will probably leave you. 

Don't worry about the OW. Don't act to protect her from anything or anyone. If she has a problem with her husband's reaction she can handle it herself. She can call the cops or leave or shoot him in the head. It is her problem and you wouldn't be the cause. Her cheating is the cause. 

Does physical infidelity change your desire to stay with him? With his feelings for her and all of the opportunity it is likely to be physical. 

Then the question is can you love with that on top of his expressed love for her? 

I have to say that I couldn't get past the combination and the deception. 

How long has the OW been married? How much of a haul would she pull in a divorce? Are you in a state where infidelity counts?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## daibai (Sep 10, 2013)

I finally got a full night's sleep last night and I think all became clear when I read your post together with some things that H said last night. He once again said he is willing to work on the marriage but his physical actions do not match his words. 

OW has been married as long as we have, about 18 years. She will get a big haul I think if they split. They are fairly rich. In the email she said she told her H about Florida and that angered him. That's where I thought she may have had an affair.

But NO...I think that's where they are planning to move in February. My H is on a school schedule, he works for a university. He was asking the Financial Planner about his retirement if he was an adjunct (mind you he is a full tenured professor now and he is willing to leave that!) 

Here are my choices:

1) call the OW husband and and ask him to confront his W same time as my H is being confronted. Devise a plan if OW H is cooperative. Get rid of H phone and cancel line if possible, it was OUR landline until 4 months ago. Out him. Tell his sister as well. Maybe his boss whom I know.

OR:

2) contact atty and serve him with papers and as you said, see where it falls.

OR:

3) confront him only.

OR

I can be patient and try for more evidence. Although I think I have enough. I am not in a state where fidelity makes a difference. 

You are right I may not be able to get past the combination of professed love and the physical. I am despising him most of the time.

Thank you ClipClop you are helping me a great deal.


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