# Crass language irks me!



## hollander77 (May 4, 2011)

I'm no saint, but I also don't talk like a sailor. I love my my fiancée and generally love the way she expresses herself but she's accustomed to two particular phrases that really rub me the wrong way.

When she gets busy at working for example, she'll get home and say "I really took it up the ass today." Or when working hard on a project, she'll say she was "balls deep" with work. To be honest, I find both really crass and disgusting. I don't mean to hold women to a different standard, since I know this is coming talk with men, but I just don't find it funny coming from any woman, let alone the one that I love. She does work in finance where, regrettably, a lot of men talk that way. But with her, I literally get this image of someone bending her over and sticking his **** up her ass and I find the phrase and resulting image revolting. Am I wrong to tell her how I feel about it? I'd be curious to know what the women think about how I feel.

Thanks.


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## Markie (May 4, 2011)

hollander77 said:


> But with her, I literally get this image of someone bending her over and sticking his **** up her ass and I find the phrase and resulting image revolting.


if your picturing this, it sounds to me like you might have a bit of jealousy or trust issues with her?....personally none of this would bother me, but thats just me....


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## MarriedWifeInLove (May 28, 2010)

Sure, let her know the crass language bothers you.

But be careful, she may decide its time to unload on "YOU" what bothers her.

But sure...why not?

Has she always been this way (before you proposed) - if so, why do you expect a change now?


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

She works in finance. Period, end of story. Nobody says "awe shucks" on a trading room floor. What she is saying is mild.
These are your issues if you have mental images of some crass words coming out of her mouth. That is for you to deal with, not her.


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## bunnybear (Jan 13, 2011)

If I were you, I would let her know. I wouldn't like it either if hubby talks like that. It's a very bad influence to my kids and sounds so uneducated (not saying this to ur wife, i'm talking about my hubby if he talks like that to me).


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## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

I really like it if my fiance lets me know what bothers him. It's not tit for tat either, just because he tells me something I do bothers him, doesn't mean I would then launch into what he does that bothers me. 

If my fiance said he didn't want me saying something, then I would listen to him and I would not say it. 

I try not to swear any way, and I don't think my fiance would like it if I did.


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## credamdóchasgra (Sep 24, 2010)

I think it's ok to tell her, but be willing to accept that she may not alter her language just because it bothers you.

It depends on her personality.

Some people are willing to adjust their language or behaviors out of respect for the standards of people they love, other people can't stand being asked to make small adjustments.

But THAT also depends on you and what you say--don't ask her to "please stop saying that." Just tell her your opinion about it. Then it's up to her whether she's going to adjust it or not.


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## AbsolutelyFree (Jan 28, 2011)

I am not offended by swearing or rude words. In fact, I'm really not offended by anything.

However, when a person uses insensitive or crass language, or violent humor, it gives me the impression that they're very immature.

By insensitive language, I mean words like 'pimp, retarded, gay, nazi, etc.' By violent humor, I mean saying things like 'When I see that commercial, I want to poke someone in the eye with a screwdriver' or 'I want to shove that guy down a flight of stairs.'


I'm not actually offended by any of this. It just gives a bad impression.


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## Halien (Feb 20, 2011)

Think of it as mutual respect. Most of us have a strong respect for diversity in the growing globalization of business, so fewer and fewer places will put up with anything that can be perceived as hurtful, at least if you are above a certain pay level. Your reasons, hwever, are personal, but I doubt that many people will flat out tell you that they are unwilling to respect your beliefs. Just tell her, but don't allow it to become personal.

I'm personally caught up in a couple of areas where language is critical. I represent my company globally in certain technical areas, so the motto is "when in doubt, just shut up." After telling a Korean auto parts supplier that he had his head up his a$$, I learned to clean up my act away from work too. They still don't return my calls.


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## hollander77 (May 4, 2011)

I don't like to admit this, but it creates a particular bad image for me since she's actually had anal sex before (and not with me). So, as you can imagine, that really makes it unpleasant for me to hear. Does that get me any additional sympathy from the audience?


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## credamdóchasgra (Sep 24, 2010)

hollander77 said:


> I don't like to admit this, but it creates a particular bad image for me since she's actually had anal sex before (and not with me). So, as you can imagine, that really makes it unpleasant for me to hear. Does that get me any additional sympathy from the audience?


Ah...that's definitely relevant. I respect you for recognizing that this is why you're more sensitive to that phrase.

Do you think she'd be understanding of that sensitivity, for that reason, or do you think she'd feel judged by you and/or think you're being weak/demanding...both of which could make her defensive...?


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

A woman who says balls deep just isn't right she dosen't even have ball how could she be balls deep?

I work with a girl who say the same things and I just don't get it 

I think she should say she worked her tits off today now that makes more sense to me.


I would tell her it bothers you but its not a deal breaker


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## notaname (Feb 4, 2011)

chillymorn said:


> A woman who says balls deep just isn't right she dosen't even have ball how could she be balls deep?
> 
> I work with a girl who say the same things and I just don't get it
> 
> ...


Maybe she means up to her EYEballs.


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

chillymorn said:


> A woman who says balls deep just isn't right she dosen't even have ball how could she be balls deep?
> 
> I work with a girl who say the same things and I just don't get it
> 
> ...



It's a saying, geez and not one to encite mental images, otherwise "go f yourself" wouldn't be so popular? Few would want that visual.

Also, men have tits. Nothing gender specific about working your tits off.


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## hollander77 (May 4, 2011)

I don't care that she curses (even though I don't), but hopefully she understands why that particular phrase is upsetting to me. She had been "talked into" anal sex in college once and it was a bad experience for her. If there was no history about her "taking it up the ass", I could properly view it as a joke. I think she should understand that.


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## COGypsy (Aug 12, 2010)

I can understand being offended by her language overall. My husband used to say inappropriate things at terrible times and it just mortified me. However, I think it's rather odd that you're more upset about this phrase because of HER past experiences than she is. I mean, if she's not traumatized by memories of this unpleasant experience when she uses the phrase, why are you? Is it just a reminder of other sex she's had that she's not doing with you? If it is, that's a pretty literal way to go through life. Does that mean that if you're driving and she says "F-- you" to the guy who cuts her off, that you're immediately upset and offended because all you can think about is her having sex with the dude in the Ford? You know, because she might have known a guy with a Ford before?

I'm sure that you feel great love for your fiancee, but do you feel respect as well? Do you have common interests and values? It sounds like there may be some pretty big gaps between the two of you that are much easier to resolve before marriage, believe me!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

Brennan said:


> It's a saying, geez and not one to encite mental images, otherwise "go f yourself" wouldn't be so popular? Few would want that visual.
> 
> Also, men have tits. Nothing gender specific about working your tits off.


seems to me some saying lend themselves to men and some lend themselves to woman.

and that particular saying is kind of visual at least to me.JMO

and far as the latter phrase the reason you would tell someone to go f yourself is because they did something that is offensive and you are trying to give them a good visual reference as to what you think of them.

thats how I roll.

but you can roll anyway you want.


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

chillymorn said:


> seems to me some saying lend themselves to men and some lend themselves to woman.
> 
> and that particular saying is kind of visual at least to me.JMO
> 
> ...


So the phrase "I got reamed up the a$$" today is to encite a visual? Hmmmm. I never thought of it that way. Maybe it is. For me it isn't though, it's just something said out of frustration. 
Eh, she's in finance. I used to be as well. On the trading room floor the F word is a noun, pronoun, verb, adjective, dangling participle and exclamation. It usually has a string of other choice words behind it. Saying she got reamed is nothing compared to what I have heard.


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## TotoWeRNotInKansasAnymore (Apr 7, 2011)

My current use of profanity is almost nil and I never use it in just a general conversation. It would not be honest of me if I didn’t admit to having a “potty mouth” in the past. The worst it has ever been was during the very beginning of my divorce. I was very careful about my son hearing any of that language from me though. A big reason for that was also because the profanity was often coupled with unflattering comments regarding his dad. I was not going to make the divorce any harder for my son by badmouthing his dad in front of him. 

However, I did windup with someone to vent to. I have a friend who was going through a very similar situation and at the same time. He and I would have phone conversations which would turn into these stbx bashing sessions. The use of his foul language can be so comical. It sure relieved some of the stress. After I no longer needed those bashing sessions, I realized some of the language which came out of my mouth would probably be extremely unflattering for anyone else to hear. As the anger towards my ex-husband declined, so did my use of profanity. 

The profanity use on my friend’s part, is what makes him who he is. Apparently he must be slightly refined because at the moment I can’t recall a time where I’ve ever heard him use a swearword around kids. I will say that every time he uses the word “c*cks*ck*r” in a sentence, it’s usually a situation or story which makes me crackup.

Oh … and a side note. Last night at my son’s baseball game apparently there was at least one adult spectator sitting on the bleachers for the opposing team who was using profanity loud enough for the umpire to hear it. The umpire called time, looked over at the bleachers and sternly scolded “Hey, there are children present! Watch the language!” It did not take but a few seconds to figure out who the offenders were by the shameful expressions on their faces.


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## Mrs.G (Nov 20, 2010)

I grew up constantly hearing people swear and being sworn at. I don't bat an eye when I hear it. I only swear when I'm angry.

I have worked in sales, a field that is filled with testosterone. Men become like an older brother who cusses and makes jokes. 

Brennan, you and I are warrior women for functioning in mostly male environments.


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