# My Husband Uses Me Financially



## so_confused09

I am so stressed out right now it is crazy! I have been married now for almost a year and you might as well say that this has been the year of hell for me! Next month is our 1 year anniversary, but somehow I dont feel much like celebrating! Anyway, I am the one who has to take care of things financially with just about no help from my husband. He has a job and isnt making enough money to support the family! I have to pay all the bills. I work at a doctors office that pays pretty good but I cant save any money because I have to pay ALL the bills. He acts like it bothers him but he continues to do the same things. He isnt even try to look for another job. Mine you, we also have 2 kids in the house and he has 2 outside of the house. He isnt doing a very good job with them either. I have to drop him off to work, pick him up from work, be the career woman, be the mommy and the wife. This is to much stress! My hair is starting to fall out. HELP! What should I do?


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## silvernblack

I'm right there with you...except my husband has 6 kids outside, thankfully none with me (but I do have a small child to take care of), and I don't have to take him to work. I'm upset because on top of his infidelity and lies, I'm the one paying all the bills, when we had agreed to pay 50-50 before getting married.

I don't know if this will work for you, but stop trying to do it all. I no longer do housework, no sex every night, and I'm starting not to cook as much anymore. Not because I'm trying to get back at him, but because I don't have the energy after writing and editing all day to make a living, taking care of a toddler, and trying to keep myself from going crazy. Have him help out more.

Oh, and you will need to talk to him about your financial situation and let him know you can't go on like this, the kind of stress you're under isn't healthy. And if you're not doing well, who's going to provide for and take care of your children? Make sure you know where all the little bit of money he's making is going (it's not enough for him to tell you, start looking at bank statements and pay stubs).


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## preso

so_confused09 said:


> I am the one who has to take care of things financially with just about no help from my husband.
> 
> He has a job and isnt making enough money to support the family! I have to pay all the bills.
> 
> Mine you, we also have 2 kids in the house and he has 2 outside of the house.
> 
> I have to drop him off to work, pick him up from work, be the career woman, be the mommy and the wife.



Did you enter the marriage with all those things going on?
His low paying job, his kids by a previous marriage, 
his lack of transportation.
?

If some of these things are due to his being laid off from a good paying job, they are temporary and you have to just bear it...
as many people have periods in life that are very difficult.
If these things were present when you married him...
I don't know what you expect to be different now that your married.

Love does not conquer all.


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## Guest

My personal belief is that the man should be working and supporting the wife. If kids are involved, the wife should be home raising the children. IMHO of course. 
My wife stays at home and homeschools our child. She loves it and so doesn't he.


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## preso

If you do not want to divorce you should work on your management skills and have him enlist to do household chores in a way that is effective and works long term...

he can be a househusband, but its up to you to train him to be one and what needs to be done and have him happily go with the program.
It would be far better than him not contributing and sitting around all day doing nothing much.


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## Desparate

I'm in the same boat. My husband feels as though his money is for him and my money and credit is the household's. We have 4 son's between the two of us (prior relationships) but my son's are never considered though I buy for all four. The mother and sons do not show much gratitude. Though I tell him how much the bills are he is content with only paying the rent. He does not contribute to any other household costs. The thing is, he and I make close to the same salary. He actually makes a little more than me due to 2 jobs. I have no idea where his money goes. He doesn't even ask if I need help with anything though I ask him. 

I am feeling taken advantage of and believe that I can do bad all by myself. I've told him my concerns but it doesn't seem to phase him. This behavior started after we were married so I wasn't expecting this at all. 

Advice?


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