# Issues with sleep...



## lessthennone (Jun 19, 2014)

My wife has sleep issues. She says she cannot sleep at night, but if I don't disturb her, she'll sleep until noon or later. She's been going to sleep earlier and we've both been working on a lot of other stuff.

Previously, I was getting resentful that she was sleeping late. Well, not only that, but she was blaming a lot of bad behavior on a lack of sleep. She's been improving that behavior, but still claims to be tired. 

Since she's going to therapy and the gym, I've been trying not to give her my opinion, because I don't know if it's correct. 

But maybe I'll just come out and ask the forum. If my wife sleeps from 10pm until 12pm... 14 hours... then she claims that she's still tired.... Is it appropriate for me to suggest that it has nothing to do with how much she's sleeping? If she has a sleep disorder, does that mean she requires more sleep or has to force herself to sleep less? 

She keeps on talking about getting 8 hours of sleep, but it seems like she's really looking to get 12 to 14 hours. She claims time spend not able to sleep doesn't count. I've always thought it was better to sleep lightly. I'm not sure that's true, just something I've heard. 

I think she's oversleeping and that's making her more tired. But, maybe I'm wrong here. Is it healthy to want to sleep so long?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

lessthennone said:


> My wife has sleep issues. She says she cannot sleep at night, but if I don't disturb her, she'll sleep until noon or later. She's been going to sleep earlier and we've both been working on a lot of other stuff.


You said further down that she is going to bed at 10pm and wakes up 12 to 14 hours later.

Does she toss and turn a lot? Does she have leg movements.. jerks during the night?

Does she say that she is in bed but not really asleep much of the night?


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## lessthennone (Jun 19, 2014)

EleGirl said:


> You said further down that she is going to bed at 10pm and wakes up 12 to 14 hours later.
> 
> Does she toss and turn a lot? Does she have leg movements.. jerks during the night?
> 
> Does she say that she is in bed but not really asleep much of the night?


I don't notice her tossing and turning, but she does say that she's not able to fall asleep. 

The thing I don't understand is that if I couldn't fall asleep, and 8am came around, I'd wake up. 

When I try and wake her up in the morning, she jumps. As if I'm waking her out of a deep sleep.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

lessthennone said:


> I don't notice her tossing and turning,


Does she snore or make noises sometimes like gasping for air?



lessthennone said:


> but she does say that she's not able to fall asleep.


If she says that, believe her.



lessthennone said:


> The thing I don't understand is that if I couldn't fall asleep, and 8am came around, I'd wake up.
> 
> When I try and wake her up in the morning, she jumps. As if I'm waking her out of a deep sleep.


Well that's you. She is not you.

Your wife sounds like she has a sleep disorder. What happens is that after hours of not getting any deep sleep, she might finally get some about the time the sun comes up. So then she cannot wake up easily.

If your wife is not getting good sleep, her mental state is about the same as a drunk person.

Has she had a sleep study by an actual sleep doctor?


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

it might be a sign of depression... your thoughts ?


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## lessthennone (Jun 19, 2014)

Yes. Well, I actually didn't know if it was depression or some sort of sleep disorder. My wife is a hypochondriac, so if I suggest sleep disorder, she'll be all flustered and then probably make a bunch of appointments. Or she'll say it's normal for a stay at home mom. She does struggle with depression, but I've read that depression induced tiredness has to be overcome by resetting your body clock. In other words, you cannot sleep it off. 

Either way, I'm still not sure how to approach it. Right now, she's begun a gym routine and is happy with her progress. I don't want to give her any reason to slow down. But, I'd almost expect her to get more tired by going to the gym.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

Does she have to get up in the night to pee a lot? Even for grown ups, sometimes it's best not to drink before bed.

What about electronics use? I recently read that ebook readers and other devices used before bed confuse the brain with their light patterns and actually can make sleep more difficult. The article recommended not using electronic devices close to bedtime or using the settings that mimic real paper books because that light isn't as disruptive.

How long have you been going to the gym? She might be sleeping so much because her body is using a lot of energy to change and she really is exhausted. If that's it, she should regulate when her body becomes used to the workouts.

Sleeping so much could be a sign of depression or SADS.

Or she could just be like my DH. Darn near nocturnal. He's always, since his late teens, had a hard time falling asleep until the wee hours and had a hard time waking up before 11 am. I've been trying to adjust him to a day schedule for over a decade. We have reached a sort of compromise. I have to go to bed around midnight or 1 am to get enough sleep to drive the kids to school in the morning and make it through the day. He cannot possibly fall asleep "that early" unless he's sick or really tired from working. He comes to bed and settles in with me. We cuddle and/or talk. I fall asleep. He stays there and watches gamer replay and commentary videos or reads until he can fall asleep.

I've never understood how he can possibly sleep half the day away and he's never understood how I could possibly like vile morning time. A minor annoying difference we've just had to accept about each other.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

lessthennone said:


> Yes. Well, I actually didn't know if it was depression or some sort of sleep disorder. My wife is a hypochondriac, so if I suggest sleep disorder, she'll be all flustered and then probably make a bunch of appointments. Or she'll say it's normal for a stay at home mom. She does struggle with depression, but I've read that depression induced tiredness has to be overcome by resetting your body clock. In other words, you cannot sleep it off.
> 
> Either way, I'm still not sure how to approach it. Right now, she's begun a gym routine and is happy with her progress. I don't want to give her any reason to slow down. But, I'd almost expect her to get more tired by going to the gym.


Read this after I posted.

When I first started going to the gym, I needed an afternoon nap to function. I probably would have just slept late, but I had to get up to take the kids to school. That only lasted a few weeks and then I adjusted.

RE: depression. Have you brought up her sleep habits to her doctor? Is it possible any medication she may be on is responsible? Some side effects do include disrupted sleep patterns.

Is this something you see more of in the winter than spring and summer?


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## lessthennone (Jun 19, 2014)

MJJEAN said:


> Does she have to get up in the night to pee a lot? Even for grown ups, sometimes it's best not to drink before bed.
> 
> What about electronics use? I recently read that ebook readers and other devices used before bed confuse the brain with their light patterns and actually can make sleep more difficult. The article recommended not using electronic devices close to bedtime or using the settings that mimic real paper books because that light isn't as disruptive.
> 
> ...


Sounds familiar. My wife has a few sleep rituals. She has lots of fans on and the TV on. I've always liked dark and silence, but have had to get used to her habits. Still, a lot of what I read implies that some of those habits should change. If she tells me she cannot sleep, then how can she say that she needs the TV on to help her sleep?

But, I've suggested turning the TV off. No cell phone before bed. Dim lights. Sleep mode. 

She started at the gym about two weeks ago. Maybe the additional tiredness is temporary? 

I'm not bringing it up with her yet, but is it just normal? Or is it a sign of something else? 

Between school and work, I've never been able to sleep late. So mayber 'm just conditioned that way? Of course there was a time she had to wake up for school.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

lessthennone said:


> Yes. Well, I actually didn't know if it was depression or some sort of sleep disorder. My wife is a hypochondriac, so if I suggest sleep disorder, she'll be all flustered and then probably make a bunch of appointments. Or she'll say it's normal for a stay at home mom. She does struggle with depression, but I've read that depression induced tiredness has to be overcome by resetting your body clock. In other words, you cannot sleep it off.
> 
> Either way, I'm still not sure how to approach it. Right now, she's begun a gym routine and is happy with her progress. I don't want to give her any reason to slow down. But, I'd almost expect her to get more tired by going to the gym.


Your wife might be a hypochondriac, or she might actually have some real health issues that are not being handled correctly so she actually does feel bad a good part of the time, if not all the time.

There is a strong connection between sleep disorders and depression. Each feeds the other.

It is not clear if your wife has depression. But it sounds like she definitely has a sleep disorder. The disorder might be 'just' bad sleep hygiene. Or she could have something like sleep apnea.

A non-sleep doctor does not know enough about sleep disorders. She needs to see a sleep specialist to get a proper diagnosis. And it might turn out that the entire problem is simply sleep hygiene.

So what if you suggest a sleep disorder and she gets all flustered and makes a bunch of appointments? The worse that could happen is that the sleep doc determines that her problem is simply sleep hygiene. Then they work with her to fix it. She is probably more likely to listen to a doctor about how to do this.

That’s like saying she might have a broken foot, but I’m not going to suggest is because she might make doc appointments to find out if that’s why her foot hurts.


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

I can easily sleep 14 hours and still want a nap in the middle of the day. 

First the Dr checked all my vitamins, thyroid, illness. 
Then they decided it was my depression, went on meds.
The meds help enough to get me through the day but if I didn't have to work, I could still sleep all day. I nap every weekend day. 

Does she have any aches and pains? Headaches? Tummy problems? Feeling confused or in a daze?
They are going through the process of seeing if I have fibromyalgia now but I have some other things going on with it, the fatigue would just be part of it. 

Like Ele said, try to figure out if she's really sick or just a hypochondriac. I feel like one all the time, I go in with a bunch of stuff wrong and they never find anything. I've had every blood test they can do and nothing ever comes up.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

She needs a proper medical exam, full bloods. No one here can diagnose what is happening but the best thing to do is to first rule out medical problems.

I have iron problems and if I let it get too bad then I could sleep all day and still feel exhausted and tired. Generally I am a very active person, eat a good diet, always busy with a project or activities but once an iron low sets in it can be debilitating. 

She could be gluten intolerant, could be anything none of us know. Get her to the Dr.


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## giddiot (Jun 28, 2015)

She could have apnea, its where you never get into rem sleep so your never rested. Your tired all the time and the lack of sleep make you almost incoherent. Does she fall asleep sitting on the coach or in front of the TV. She can easily have her doctor schedule her a sleep study where you go spend the night at a sleep lab and they monitor you. If she has apnea it will do nothing but get worse, I know I have it.

This is not something to take lightly. Apnea can cause heart failure if let go to long.


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## WandaJ (Aug 5, 2014)

sleep study. I went through time like your wife, tired and sleepy. going to bed before my husband, getting after him and waking up with huge headaches, still dragging my feet through the day. I had gained 30 pounds in around 8 months.

I had sleep study done and it turned out I was not getting any REM sleep . An average person wakes up around 10-15 times at nght (time that you do not remember). In my sleep study I woke up 137 times. 

I was supposed to take sleeping pills every night for 10-14 nights straight, then stop. This was supposed to bring my sleep pattern back to normal. And then repeat it every few months, whenever it got screwed again. and of course, improve sleep hygiene. It worked, but later I had hard time taking pills for so long, as it required going to bed earlier. 

Right now the way I handle it is I take sleeping pills maybe once or twice a month, when I feel that I am not getting sound sleep again, waking up tired and sleepy. I could do it more, but I do not want to be too reliant on pills. Still, in my case they almost literally saved my life. Once my sleep got fixed, I lost 40 pounds, was excercising, etc. 

Not getting good sleep will cause depression, apathy, fatigue, sexlesness. It can be HUGE problem.


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## Lilac23 (Jul 9, 2015)

lessthennone said:


> My wife has sleep issues. She says she cannot sleep at night, but if I don't disturb her, she'll sleep until noon or later. She's been going to sleep earlier and we've both been working on a lot of other stuff.
> 
> Previously, I was getting resentful that she was sleeping late. Well, not only that, but she was blaming a lot of bad behavior on a lack of sleep. She's been improving that behavior, but still claims to be tired.
> 
> ...


Only a doctor can answer if she has an actual sleep disorder but there are things she can do to improve her chances. 



lessthennone said:


> She keeps on talking about getting 8 hours of sleep, but it seems like she's really looking to get 12 to 14 hours. She claims time spend not able to sleep doesn't count. I've always thought it was better to sleep lightly. I'm not sure that's true, just something I've heard.
> 
> I think she's oversleeping and that's making her more tired. But, maybe I'm wrong here. Is it healthy to want to sleep so long?


How do you know she falls asleep at 10 and stays asleep til noon? Are you watching her or are you sleeping yourself? Some people just have later timeclocks and can't fall asleep earlier. Has she typically stayed up late? If she can't sleep she should get out of bed and do something else until she feels drowsy. Avoid caffeine, cigarettes or watching tv or even reading in bed. Bed should only be for sleeping (and sex). Some people do need more sleep more than others but fourteens is excessive, I could see ten hours though, in some people.

I have struggled with insomnia and have a later timeclock. Unless I am extremely sleep deprived, it's just about impossible for me to go to bed before midnight. I would discourage sleeping pills, though, they are only a short term solution and have strange side effects.


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## Lilac23 (Jul 9, 2015)

WandaJ said:


> sleep study. I went through time like your wife, tired and sleepy. going to bed before my husband, getting after him and waking up with huge headaches, still dragging my feet through the day. I had gained 30 pounds in around 8 months.
> 
> I had sleep study done and it turned out I was not getting any REM sleep . An average person wakes up around 10-15 times at nght (time that you do not remember). In my sleep study I woke up 137 times.
> 
> ...


Sleep apnea?


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## WandaJ (Aug 5, 2014)

Lilac23 said:


> Sleep apnea?


It was "inconclusive" ... diagnosed later as insomnia type II (I think). But I am planning to repeat it this year (that's one of the reasons I got better health plan for this year to get something out of it for a change, lol)


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## Lilac23 (Jul 9, 2015)

WandaJ said:


> It was "inconclusive" ... diagnosed later as insomnia type II (I think). But I am planning to repeat it this year (that's one of the reasons I got better health plan for this year to get something out of it for a change, lol)


My mom has done sleep tests and she has sleep apnea. They wanted her to wear a giant mask everytime she goes to sleep. It just wasn't going to happen, lol.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Lilac23 said:


> My mom has done sleep tests and she has sleep apnea. They wanted her to wear a giant mask everytime she goes to sleep. It just wasn't going to happen, lol.


I have sleep apnea. It can ruin a person's health. If your mom has it, she should give the mask a serious try.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

lessthennone said:


> But maybe I'll just come out and ask the forum. If *my wife sleeps from 10pm until 12pm... 14 hours...* then she claims that she's still tired.... Is it appropriate for me to suggest that it has nothing to do with how much she's sleeping? If she has a sleep disorder, does that mean she requires more sleep or has to force herself to sleep less?
> 
> She keeps on talking about getting 8 hours of sleep, but it seems like she's really looking to get 12 to 14 hours. She claims time spend not able to sleep doesn't count. *I've always thought it was better to sleep lightly. I'm not sure that's true, just something I've heard. *
> 
> *I think *she's oversleeping and that's making her more tired. But, maybe I'm wrong here. * Is it healthy to want to sleep so long?*


OP, Is it healthy or normal to sleep so long? No!! Follow the advice of the other posters and get her to your family doctor as soon as possible. My wife sleeps 8 pm to 12 pm now on a good day. She has a chronic life threatening medical condition. I wish we had been able to diagnosis her illness much earlier. Not trying to worry you.

Your family doctor should do a complete exam with comprehensive blood workup. Do your homework ahead of time and make notes of all the issues and discuss that with the doctor. I strongly suggest you go with your wife to the appointment. If needed family doctor will send her to a sleep specialist. 

Stop speculating on cause and solution. Without medical testing, neither you nor even your doctor will know the cause.

I hope it all works out for her and you.


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

Just putting this out there, but I have chronic Lyme that was diagnosed only 2 years ago, and wasn't noted as chronic until last year when I had to go on the antibiotics again. 

When the Lyme flares up, I can easily sleep for 12+ hours, feel the absolute dire need to sleep at noon. I'd be at a client and could barely keep my head up. The feeling would pass in a few hours. Thankfully I haven't had a flare up since the summer. 

Lyme isn't something tested in normal blood work, so in trying to rule things out, I'd suggest you insist the Dr. test for Lyme AB and reactions to ALL proteins, just in case.


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## lessthennone (Jun 19, 2014)

OK... So a few things...

My wife was diagnosed with Lyme disease 2 years ago, but the second test (6 mo later and after antibiotics)came up clean. As she explained it to me, that means the initial test was either wrong, or the Lyme disease was treated with the antibiotics. 

My father has sleep apnea. His symptoms were that it sounded like he was suffocating in his sleep. Can someone have sleep apnea and sleep quietly? 

Also, she does have two periods a month on occasion. I've wondered about anemia and iron deficiency. I think she's been tested for anemia. 

I said she's a hypochondriac, she is. But that doesn't mean she may actually have something wrong with her. The thing is, she really seeks out diagnoses, reads about them online, convinces herself she has them, and then goes into panic mode. 

That's part of the reason I'm trying not to bring this up with her yet. She's in good spirits with her progress. 

It's helpful to hear that it isn't normal. If she gets a blister, she's concerned it's something serious. Yet, she doesn't look at her sleeping as indicative of something. She says she tired because she a SAHM. Parenting is tiring, but people survive on 8 hours of sleep. Most people it seems.


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## Lilac23 (Jul 9, 2015)

EleGirl said:


> I have sleep apnea. It can ruin a person's health. If your mom has it, she should give the mask a serious try.


She refuses, it's too much get-up for her to deal with and she hates the feeling of the mask.


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## Vinnydee (Jan 4, 2016)

I had the same problem. Ask her to go for a sleep apnea test. I was sleeping 12 hours but it my airways were closing up on me and basically I stopped breathing over 500 times a night. Once I was put on a CPAP machine which just blows air up your nose to keep your air passages open, I could sleep 7 hours and feel refreshed. The other thing I did was sleep in my own room. When you have sleep problems, your bedroom should be used for sleep and sex only. No reading, no watching TV, no nothing. Your condition your mind that bed is for sleep and after a few months I was conditioned to fall asleep quickly after getting into bed and sleeping alone is much better. 

Seriously though, if not already suggested, have your wife get a sleep apnea test. All those times where you stop breathing affect your heart. My cousin died from sleep apnea so I make sure that I use my CPAP machine when I sleep, even when I travel. If she is seeing someone about her sleep problem they should have tested her already. I went to a Sleep Center at my local hospital and testing me was the first thing they did.


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## Quigster (Aug 1, 2015)

lessthennone said:


> Well, not only that, but she was blaming a lot of bad behavior on a lack of sleep.


When I'm exhausted, I'm cranky and irritable. I can't control how I feel. You say she's "blaming" the bad behavior on exhaustion like it's some kind of convenient scapegoat. As someone who has suffered from insomnia on and off for my entire life, I can assure you it's the truth.

So then you go on to say



> If my wife sleeps from 10pm until 12pm... 14 hours... then she claims that she's still tired....


and



> She claims time spend not able to sleep doesn't count.


The first thing I do is suggest that you discard the notion that she's "claiming" this to be true. Again, you make it sound like you don't believe her. If she's not getting restful sleep, she IS still tired. 

It is possible to reset a person's biological clock. We're accustomed to being tired during certain times of the day and wakeful during other times of the day. You can overcome that, of course (otherwise people who start working the night shift, or move to a different time zone, would never adjust).

I'm not a medical professional, but I've tried this and it worked for me. What she needs to do is stay awake all night. She should be awake for an entire day-night-day cycle; for example, Tuesday, Tuesday night, and then all day Wednesday. She will, of course, be exhausted by Wednesday night. She should be able to sleep soundly that night, however. I recommend Advil PM (it's over-the-counter) to ensure she is not awakened during the night. 

Something else that works really well is getting plenty of physical exercise. I find that when I have sedentary days where I don't do much activity, I don't sleep as well as when I've had a day full of strenuous physical labor. 

Good luck to you both!


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

There are two kinds of sleep apnea.

One is obstructive sleep apnea. It sounds like that is what your father has.

The other is central sleep apnea. 

Both types of sleep apnea can occur together or a person can have only one of them.

The main symptom of central sleep apnea is temporary stoppages of breathing while asleep. Although snoring is a very strong symptom of obstructive sleep apnea, snoring is usually not found with central sleep apnea. Central sleep apnea, a much rarer type, is caused by a problem with the control of breathing in the brain (which is accomplished in the brain stem). Normally, the brain stem is very sensitive to changes in the blood level of carbon dioxide (a by-product of metabolism). When levels are high, the brain stem signals the respiratory muscles to breathe deeper and faster to remove carbon dioxide through exhalation, and vice versa. In central sleep apnea, the brain stem is less sensitive to changes in the carbon dioxide level. As a consequence, people who have central sleep apnea breathe less deeply and more slowly than normal.

With central sleep apnea, a person can stop breathing for 10 seconds or more while sleeping. As a result the oxygen level in the bloodstream falls and carbon dioxide which is a waste product of the body's chemical processes, accumulates


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

lessthennone said:


> It's helpful to hear that it isn't normal. If she gets a blister, she's concerned it's something serious. Yet, she doesn't look at her sleeping as indicative of something. She says she tired because she a SAHM. Parenting is tiring, but people survive on 8 hours of sleep. Most people it seems.


Being tired all the time as a SAHM is not normal. If she does not have the energy to get through the day, something is wrong. You could tell her that. Tell her you love her and want to help her find out why she is so tired.

If she does not feel well and feels tired all the time, of course she is going to look at everything as a big problem. Every little blister becomes a source of hope that a symptom has finally showed up that will finally help fix her health. When a person is not feeling well, they become very self-focused. And they should be self-focused because they are the only one who knows how exhausted and/or bad they feel.

I learned this the hard way. Years ago (1985) I started feeling terrible. I mean like I had a bad flu for months. I was exhausted all the time. Could not think straight ...brain fog. It was terrible. 

I went from doctor to doctor. Each one did basic tests and told me it was all in my head. My then husband started calling me a hypochondriac. He b!tched that I was tired all the time, slept every chance I got. 

This went on for 2 years. One doc told me that all the illness I could have are so bad that I really did not want them and he sent me to a psychiatrist. After a few sessions, the psychiatrist told me that there is nothing mentally wrong. Told me to go find another medical doctor.

After 11 doctors I finally found one that took me seriously. This guy ran test after test. I do not recall how many, but a LOT. And finally he did a TB test. Yep I had renal TB. It took about 6 months of TB treatment. Then another year before I felt human again.

My point? If she says that she does not feel well, believe her. Sure there are people who are hypochondriacs. But there are a lot of people who just do not have a doctor who cares enough or who is talented enough to actually find out what is wrong.


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## lessthennone (Jun 19, 2014)

OK. Thanks for all of the help. 

I'm not sure if the inability to sleep or feel rested is based on depression, apnea or some other cause. She does suffer from depression, so I'd say that's the most likely cause. Not ruling out sleep apnea, though. 

I know it sounds like I'm not believing her. In part, it's because I get mixed signals from her. First, she says that as a child, her Dr said she would need more sleep then other people. So that would suggest some sort of disease. But, if I press her, she says it's because she's a SAHM. She'll show me an article about a SAHM who can't get enough sleep. The next day, she'll imply she doesn't sleep late at all. Or ask me if we're doing better on a day she sleeps past noon. 

That inconsistency is tough to logic out. Sometimes it seems like she's just making excuses. Actually most of the time. Like I said earlier, it seems indicative of something else to me.


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## CrazyX2 (Feb 26, 2014)

My husband and I both suffer mental illness and sleep issues. I have depression, adhd, sleep apnea, and borderline narcolepsy. DH has severe sleep difficulties and bipolar II with mixed states.

So, does depression cause sleep issues or do sleep issues cause depression? It can be one or the other depending on the person, or even both (perpetuating cycle). 

My husband, when falling into a depressive episode, will sleep 20 hours a day. He also gets flu-like symptoms- body aches, chills, headaches, etc. I used to think he was just being irresponsible and lazy, like if he just practiced good sleep hygiene he wouldn't be in this state. And he never had a runny nose or fever or anything so why is he claiming to be sick?! And it was never enough sleep- he was constantly complaining that he was exhausted even if he had slept all week! It was infuriating. But I had it backwards. When we started recording his moods, we discovered that his mood shifts were starting a couple days BEFORE he the extreme fatigue set in. So the sleeping wasn't causing the depressive episodes- it was the other way around.

I don't know what is going on with your wife, obviously, but from everything I've read and or experienced over the years, here is my advice to you.

1. Be her ally, not her critic. Believe her when she tells you what is going on. Stop judging her- she's sick and it's not her fault. No body chooses to be like that, and she probably feels ashamed about it already.
2. Understand that her perception and her decision making ability might be compromised. Depression makes everything, even simple household tasks, 100x harder. The insidious thing is that this applies to getting help for the depression, too. 
3. Don't try to get blood from a stone. Don't argue with her or stress her out unnecessarily. Stress will make her condition worse.
4. Take charge of her care, at least for the time being. It is much easier to get someone to do a sleep study, or go to the doctor, if you make the arrangements. Go with her to doctor's appointments and take notes.
5. Start a mood/symptom journal. You could even just use a calender for this. At the VERY LEAST, you should include: mood, sleep, menstrual cycle, and stressors like arguments or kid drama, etc. You can also include things like diet, exercise, exposure to sunshine, etc. This will give you really important information.
6. Get her evaluated by a good psychiatrist, someone who will take the time to do it right. It could be depression, seasonal depessoon, bipolar II (which doesn't produce full blown mania and is often misdiagnosed as depression), or a non-psych issue.
7. A sleep study is a good idea. You should also consider hormonal/reproductive causes as well as thyroid issues. As previous posters pointed out, anemia and Lyme disease are also possibilities. You should also check for other infections, autoimmune disorders, and Chronic Fatigue.

TL;DR: Not her fault. Test all the things.


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