# Wife leaves after 9 months of marriage :(



## kxrider90 (Aug 13, 2013)

Hey there,

So I am new to this forum, I guess I am hoping for some advice, help, and tips on my problems. Ill hit you with the story as it stands at the moment. It breaks me to talk about it, but i need to do it to get the help I strive for.

So Im 23 years old. Have been in a 7 year relationship with my now wife. We started dating when we were 16-17. She has been my absolute rock throughout my life. We moved out together in 2010, and were later engaged in 2011. We were married in October 2012.

Our relationship has been full of love and companionship. We were so happy on the day of our marriage. I cant believe I found someone who accepts me for me and that I got along with so well. Yes we had our ups and downs, but I have never been the 'fighting' type of person. So there was never really a full blown screaming match etc. 

I thought everything was perfect after we got married. We had plans to purchase our first home and spoke about bringing a new life into our little family. We had a fair few financial troubles over the years though. She put her hand up and wanted to manage the bills/pays etc. Which I was more than happy with as I was very bad with money. In the end I think it had gotten too stressful for her though. 

About 3-4 months ago, we got stuck in a decent rut. The 7 year itch! She started talking to a few new guys and I started talking to an old female friend. I worked days and she worked nights, so it was hard to find time to go on dates and hang out etc before like 9pm. Our only free days were Sundays, which we use dto spend time together then. I later purchased a dirt bike and was riding on every second Sunday with my good friend (male) And she started getting jealous etc. I enjoyed spending time with my mates as it was a bit of a get away from my married life. Time to do my own thing with friends. She however, didnt like her friends very much and was always getting upset and crying about it... And the crying ended up turning into a way of manipulating me when she didnt get her own way. As she knew I was a sucker for a womans tears. Which I am. 

This continued on for some time, her tears, me giving in and bailing on mates (which I ended up losing alot of them). Then it turned to crying because i wasnt ready to make a baby yet. 

Anyway, about 2 months ago it got so extreme and intense that we just couldnt work it out or even talk to eachother without tears being shed. That i made the call to move to a friends (male) and try to work it out living a part for a while. I was never really interested in councilling as I figured we could work this out alone...BOY was i wrong!

So we started to live apart. I thought things were slowly getting better, until one day she rocked me with "i think i have been indenial about wanting to stay married" This hit me like a bullet to the heart! NO warning or anything.

She started doing her own thing for a while, going out clubbing and getting drunk, she even went up north to see her ex bf from way back. I dont know if anything happened, nor do i want to know!

Then about a month and a half ago, the sex just stopped! She was never in the mood, too tired, sore etc.

I didnt know what was up or anything, i couldnt read the signs as this was my 1st real relationship!

She stopped talking to me for a while and told me to do my own thing for a while and she would do hers. So stupid me goes out and gets on the drink and sleeps with a female friend 2 times. Yes i know it was wrong and i pay for it everyday, I immediately stopped contact with this friend after it happened.

I was so distraught by the whole thing that i ended up in tears and was so beside myself i couldnt bear it. She was wondering why i was so upset and when i was asleep she went through my phone messages and read the one that said "Im sorry i made a mistake sleeping with you and i cannot contact you anymore as I am a married man and love my wife"

She woke me up and hit me up about it. I was so emationally wrecked that i made a dash to the kitchen to get a knife and kill myself cos i knew my wife was going to leave. Later that day i was admitted to the mental health ward for 2 weeks. 

Once i got out. Is when she told me she was leaving and didnt want to talk to me. I begged for forgiveness (maybe too much) she didnt want to put it behind her and try to fix everything, nor does she now. This was about 5 weeks ago.

Ive been trying 100% to change my qualities for the better and to try to be with her and work things out. She doesnt want a bar of it. She came and grabbed all of her belongings and split what we bought together. And then left. She refuses to have contact with me.

About 4 days after she left me, she went out, got drunk and hooked up with some guy she had been talking to for a while. This broke me again. I know I ****ed up right and i was more than remorsfull for it. But she went out looking for a hook up!

Despite that, I still want to be with her and work things out. 

A huge part of my life has walked out without a peep and Im so broken at the moment. Im slowly getting past it, day by day. But really, I just want my love, my wife back!

Sorry for the long story

Jesse


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## tulsy (Nov 30, 2012)

You were both cheating emotionally, and physically. When she went to visit her ex-boyfriend she likely fawked him. You got married too young.

Learn from this and move on. Pull the 180, cut all contact, start working out every day, eat right, and stop drinking so excessively. You gotta take care of you now, she doesn't want to be with you anymore. 

You only really want her now because she's leaving...it's just nostalgia kicking in, because you feel like this was supposed to work. Truth is, you really aren't ready for a life long commitment and neither is she.

You're gonna make it through this. Stop with the "gonna kill myself" over this chick...there is so much more to life, you just need to grow up a bit more. 

Dude, you are so young....one day you will look back and think "what was I thinking".... with a smile on your face. 

Don't jump into another relationship too soon...stay single and mingle, learn more about yourself, and more about women in general. You need SKILLS in order to manage your life and your relationships, and at your age, you just haven't achieved those yet.

Head up, be optimistic, and seriously take the best care of yourself. Get high on fitness and nutrition, and remove your ex from your life....move on.


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## kxrider90 (Aug 13, 2013)

bump?


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## Dubya (Oct 2, 2012)

Tulsy laid it right out for you...


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Marriages with young people usually end in divorce. Its' best to wait unit the guy is at least 30 and the woman is at least 25.

You did many things wrong... like going out with your male friends on half your days off.

A couple needs to spend at least 15 hours a week together, just the two of you, doing date-like things to maintain the love/passion in a marriage.

Then you resented her because she wanted to spend time with you.

Then you cheated. 
Then she cheated. 

Your marriage is toast.

The human brain does not finish maturing until 26 years of age. Until then people make rash, senseless decisions. Sounds familiar? 

I'm sorry. I know that you are hurting. But some of the most important lessons in life have the highest tuition.. in this case the tuition is pain.


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> Marriages with young people usually end in divorce. Its' best to wait unit the guy is at least 30 and the woman is at least 25.
> 
> You did many things wrong... like going out with your male friends on half your days off.
> 
> ...


:iagree:

It doesn't feel like it now, but there WILL be life after this and you WILL be happy again. Learn from this experience, and you WILL do better the next time, with a person with whom you're a better fit.

Take care of yourself right now. That's the best thing you can do.


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## BrockLanders (Jul 23, 2012)

You sound as if you're from the British Isles, so culturally you might have a problem with the people here. My take is that you don't have kids now and you should run for the hills.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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