# Realizing I am on a 1way street ot no where



## Valen15 (Nov 23, 2015)

I am not really even sure what am I doing on here, I am not really looking for "the" answer because not really sure if there is one...I guess just pent up frustration and the realization that "its not working".

I am by no means perfect, I get that. I am in my late thirties, married over 10 years, kids, beautiful wife - and frustrated beyond where I have ever been. I guess what I am wrestling with is whether or not what I am going through is normal or is it just something that I will have to live with, or is this legitimately ruining my life....I guess lately it feels more like the latter.

My wife and I get along fine, lots in common and are raising good kids...but there just doesn't seem to be any emotional connection between us anymore...its like we are just living together, raising kids together. It sucks actually.

One root of the problem is that we are at different ends of the spectrum in terms of sex drive...and even our interests in spicing things up. We have tried to address it, and that turned into having sex more often and I guess upped our game a bit - but it is still very traditional.

I recently suggested we try something a little different, nothing out there in terms of kinky...and she went along with it for a bit, then basic stopped in the middle of it saying this is too much and she feels weird. To put things in perspective, all I did was got her to lie on her stomach while I rubbed my c.ock between her ass cheeks...I know I have to be respectful of what she is comfortable with, but I just don't feel like I am getting an open mind or even any effort from her (it is not a new thing, has been going on for years)...And at this point, I feel like I am done trying.

Again, I don't think there is one simple or right answer - but just need a place to vent/communicate...


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

Barring anything major like abuse, infidelity, addictions, etc., I believe marriage is a roller coaster of highs and lows, just like anything else in life. What you're experiencing is very, very typical of people who have kids and have been married for ten years. Certainly no reason to throw in the towel.

Have you tried any marriage counseling to try to reconnect with one another?


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## Valen15 (Nov 23, 2015)

No counseling...but seem to be on a pretty long streak of being on a low. This has been a slow build up of it being dysfunctional, sex wise and emotionally.


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

Valen15 said:


> No counseling...but seem to be on a pretty long streak of being on a low. This has been a slow build up of it being dysfunctional, sex wise and emotionally.


Besides between the sheets, what other ways have you attempted to increase the connection between you and your wife?


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## Valen15 (Nov 23, 2015)

Weekly date nights so we have some us time....the idea was initiated by me, and unless I make it happen - it doesn't happen.


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## November (Nov 28, 2013)

Valen15 said:


> Weekly date nights so we have some us time....the idea was initiated by me, and unless I make it happen - it doesn't happen.


Valen15,

That's a start... and there's lots of ways to ramp things up. And there's a thought to work on ramping things on a regular basis.

A few things that have worked for me:

Occasonaly do something different:
Something fun that you haven't done for awhile, or ever. Perhaps a concert in the part, go to a circus, rollerskating or ice skating, zip lining, whatever. You get the idea.

Then, do something for her the SHE loves to do, and you know what that might be.

Then, get some "love or relationship" books and read them to her, like "5 Love Languages", which will take a few weeks or more, and implement it. When you find "her" language, work on it.

Then, be sure you're doing things around the house that she considers important, and you know what that is. 

All of the above should bring you two closer together. She will see your efforts and hopefully respond positively. She needs to see "the real you".

PS: I've done all of the above with GREAT results.


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## NoSizeQueen (Sep 9, 2015)

Valen15 said:


> My wife and I get along fine, lots in common and are raising good kids...but there just doesn't seem to be any emotional connection between us anymore...its like we are just living together, raising kids together. It sucks actually.
> 
> One root of the problem is that we are at different ends of the spectrum in terms of sex drive...and even our interests in spicing things up. We have tried to address it, and that turned into having sex more often and I guess upped our game a bit - but it is still very traditional.


You may be approaching this from the wrong side. You say your emotional connection is suffering because of the lack of sex. Your wife might say your sex life is suffering because of the lack of emotional connection.

If you focus your efforts on reconnecting with your wife, a better sex life may follow.


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## Valen15 (Nov 23, 2015)

I appreciate the input, I do really...I have done the whole thing of trying to do things outside of sex and establish a better emotional connection - I guess my frustration is that it feels like I am doing all the work when it comes to that department.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Valen lets just rule this out first...

Can you casually check cell phone records and does she password protect her phone.
Again just to rule it out so we can focus on how to help you.

Regardless cheating or not placing a voice activated recorder in her car and in the house will give you a better picture of her state of mind and how to proceed.
Just throwing it out there.


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

Valen15 said:


> To put things in perspective, all I did was got her to lie on her stomach while I rubbed my c.ock between her ass cheeks...


That would be weird to me as well, like I was being used to get off on and not sharing something together with him. Where's her pleasure in all that? How would that bring you two emotionally closer? 

Is there anything you want to try that is more intimate and mutual? I'd start with those things.


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## NoSizeQueen (Sep 9, 2015)

tom67 said:


> Regardless cheating or not placing a voice activated recorder in her car and in the house will give you a better picture of her state of mind and how to proceed.
> Just throwing it out there.


Proceed with caution on this one. If she finds out you're recording her, and you don't have a concrete reason to believe she's cheating, your emotional connection will take a serious hit.

If I found out my partner was secretly recording me just to get an idea of my state of mind, all hell would break loose!!


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## Valen15 (Nov 23, 2015)

She is not cheating...


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Valen15 said:


> I recently suggested we try something a little different, nothing out there in terms of kinky...and she went along with it for a bit...


Generally the way that works is you give her a list of things that you might like to try, and then just talk about them in the event one of the ideas gets her interest. Then you back off and then see if she wants to try that by her initiating that action during the next lovemaking session which might be within minutes or weeks later.

I often like to try new adult novelties, but found that it worked much better if I researched a few and then reviewed them with her PRIOR to purchasing. That discussion led me to find out what she really wanted, which were toys that were very powerful while yet very discrete. Meanwhile I was shopping for stuff that had an overwhelming presence (like the hitachi which often needs an extension cord) and that was ruining the moment for her. Now I have a handful of things that are small (I keep recharged regularly) and powerful in the nightstand drawer. 

In case you have not, do not forget to just keep a jar of coconut oil next to the bed at all times. Feel free to have an accident and smear some all over yourself! 

Cheers, 
Badsanta


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Rubbing your c*ck on her rear seems pretty benign to me, especially after 10 years of marriage. (Heck, I can't think of a single body part where my partner HASN'T rubbed his package ) Was she ever adventurous in bed, before marriage?

She needs counseling and maybe a sex therapist to uncover the root of her inhibitions.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Valen15 (Nov 23, 2015)

I have tried the list...an quite frankly nothing came of it, she told me a bit of what I wanted to hear. But all talk, no action.

She was more adventurous before we got married and early on I guess more open minded, interested, engaged,...I know it is normal to have kind of a drop off, but not like this. I guess we have never really been on the same page when it comes to sex, I thought it was just something we would work out - but perhaps I am getting what I signed up for. I don't know.


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## anonmd (Oct 23, 2014)

Married 10 years, "kids", sex life sucks. Sounds pretty normal to me, this is supposed to be the suckiest time of you marriage as far as sex goes. The question is will it get better, maybe, maybe not. Largely up to her, so ask her for her long view.


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## NoSizeQueen (Sep 9, 2015)

Have you asked her for a list of things she'd like to try?


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Valen15 said:


> I guess we have never really been on the same page when it comes to sex, *I thought it was just something we would work out - but perhaps I am getting what I signed up for.* I don't know.


You took the words right out of my playbook. Don't beat yourself up too much; I did the exact same thing, married a man who was not my sexual match AT ALL, and ended up in a sexually dead marriage for 20 years. Like you, I naively assumed it was something we would work out.

5 years post-divorce and it was the best decision I ever made. I just hope you don't wait another 10 years to fix this or get out.


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## Valen15 (Nov 23, 2015)

Yes, I have asked her for a list...didn't get one. I guess that's the question, will it get better?...I think not, and even if she told me it will - I would bet against it.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

This kind of thing never changes without you being willing to walk. Only when you're half out the door will she wake up. Talking never works.


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

happy as a clam said:


> Rubbing your c*ck on her rear seems pretty benign to me, especially after 10 years of marriage. (Heck, I can't think of a single body part where my partner HASN'T rubbed his package ) Was she ever adventurous in bed, before marriage?
> 
> She needs counseling and maybe a sex therapist to uncover the root of her inhibitions.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Maybe as part of a whole package of other stuff where she gets some fun time too but "I want to connect with you sexually, turn around and I'll use you to get myself off" doesn't really add up. 

How is it any fun for her to lay there while he uses her to j*ck off with?


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## November (Nov 28, 2013)

WorkingOnMe said:


> This kind of thing never changes without you being willing to walk. Only when you're half out the door will she wake up. Talking never works.


Working,

Wow, a thread of walking should be the LAST DITCH EFFORT, if is doesn't work you have to be prepared to act, and that is the end.

Talking DOES work... just have to make it work by talking the right language and be on the same page. Often it takes a LOT of talks. And someone has to be listening.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

SlowlyGoingCrazy said:


> How is it any fun for her to lay there while he uses her to j*ck off with?


Seriously?

First of all, I hardly view it as him just "j*acking off". People who are in love and want to please their partners find all kinds of creative ways to express that desire physically. In a normal relationship, she would be eager to please him. And then he would likely pleasure her.

He was trying to be more creative and adventurous. He wants more intimacy and a more vibrant sex life. Not to use her as a blow-up doll. Sheesh...


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

November said:


> Working,
> 
> 
> 
> ...




Welcome to the forum November. Feel free to revisit these thoughts with me when you've been here a couple years and have read hundreds of these stories about what works and what doesn't.


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## Valen15 (Nov 23, 2015)

I should mention too, I had already got her off with my hand by rubbing her c.lit until she orgasmed. She was trying to jack me off but I wasn't cumming that way, so I suggested we use her ass.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

SlowlyGoingCrazy said:


> ...but "I want to connect with you sexually, *turn around and I'll use you to get myself off*" doesn't really add up.


Further, this is a pretty wild accusation. From what he wrote, it doesn't sound like he said (or thought) anything CLOSE to your comment above. Rather, they were fooling around (presumably she was into it), he wanted to try something new and SHE WENT ALONG WITH IT, then got all uptight and uncomfortable and backed out.

I stick to my advice. She needs a sex therapist.


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

happy as a clam said:


> Seriously?
> 
> First of all, I hardly view it as him just "j*acking off". People who are in love and want to please their partners find all kinds of creative ways to express that desire physically. In a normal relationship, she would be eager to please him. And then he would likely pleasure her.
> 
> He was trying to be more creative and adventurous. He wants more intimacy and a more vibrant sex life. Not to use her as a blow-up doll. Sheesh...


She probably felt like a blow-up doll, that's the point. There are many ways to have more intimacy, variations, and connection that _both _people can enjoy and isn't just one-sided. 
Heck he could have had her propped up a bit using one hand reached around on her and one to help guide himself while doing it but wanting her to just lay there while he uses her butt to rub on does not sound sexy or fun or pleasurable for me and probably not for her either.

Him asking for things that are for himself only isn't the way to get her interested in new things.


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## NoSizeQueen (Sep 9, 2015)

Valen15 said:


> I should mention too, I had already got her off with my hand by rubbing her c.lit until she orgasmed. She was trying to jack me off but I wasn't cumming that way, so I suggested we use her ass.


Is she generally okay with butt stuff? Is it possible that's just off-limits? Some people feel weird about any kind of playing with butts. I would feel strange about this, but would be fine with a guy doing the same thing on my chest.


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

happy as a clam said:


> Further, this is a pretty wild accusation. From what he wrote, it doesn't sound like he said (or thought) anything CLOSE to your comment above. Rather, they were fooling around (presumably she was into it), he wanted to try something new and SHE WENT ALONG WITH IT, then got all uptight and uncomfortable and backed out.
> 
> I stick to my advice. She needs a sex therapist.


"all I did _was got her to lie on her stomach_ while I rubbed my c.ock between her ass cheeks"

So yes that sounds like he _asked _her to lay on her stomach so he could do that, not that it just happened naturally during foreplay. 
She tried, it felt odd (which I can understand) and stopped him.

At least she tried. She didn't like it, that's ok. Try something else she might like better.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

Valen15 said:


> I am not really even sure what am I doing on here, I am not really looking for "the" answer because not really sure if there is one...I guess just pent up frustration and the realization that "its not working".
> 
> I am by no means perfect, I get that. I am in my late thirties, married over 10 years, kids, beautiful wife - and frustrated beyond where I have ever been. I guess what I am wrestling with is whether or not what I am going through is normal or is it just something that I will have to live with, or is this legitimately ruining my life....I guess lately it feels more like the latter.
> 
> ...


If you want to have a woman open up to you sexually, you need to respond well in these kinds of situations. 

Because what actually happened was a SUCCESS. You got her to try something new, she went along with it until she got uncomfortable, and then she asked you to stop.

This was an opportunity to show her that she could ask you to stop, and you would, without being pissy about it or pressuring her about it.

And this is the key -- that makes women OPEN UP TO YOU MORE.

You should have stopped immediately with a giant smile on your face, rolled her over, and kissed her passionately, and thanked her for trying.

And then immediately moved on to something else that was fun for her.

And next time... she will likely let you take it a little further, and further... trusting you the whole time to open herself up to you.

This is how you get to do crazy things in the bedroom. You have the balls to suggest something, and the fortitude to take no for an answer.

And always leave them smiling, man.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

SlowlyGoingCrazy said:


> She probably felt like a blow-up doll, that's the point. There are many ways to have more intimacy, variations, and connection that _both _people can enjoy and isn't just one-sided.
> 
> Heck he could have had her propped up a bit using one hand reached around on her and one to help guide himself while doing it but wanting her to just lay there while he uses her butt to rub on does not sound sexy or fun or pleasurable for me and probably not for her either.
> 
> ...




According to his post he tried to do this after he had gotten her off manually. So this ended up being a one sided encounter in her favor. What exactly did you say? Where's the pleasure for her? Since this turned out to be ONLY pleasure for her, would you say the same about the lack of his pleasure?


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## Valen15 (Nov 23, 2015)

Good point marduk...I didn't react very well.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

SlowlyGoingCrazy said:


> Him asking for things that are for himself only isn't the way to get her interested in new things.


He had already brought her to orgasm first, now he just wanted a way to get there himself. She had already tried by using her hands but it wasn't working. I don't see a thing wrong with his suggestion.

I agree if she doesn't like it, she doesn't like it.

I still think she's uptight.


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## Valen15 (Nov 23, 2015)

And yes, she seems comfortable with her ass being played with...it was more a situation where she was using her hand with no luck, she had no other ideas so I made the suggestion.


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

WorkingOnMe said:


> According to his post he tried to do this after he had gotten her off manually. So this ended up being a one sided encounter in her favor. What exactly did you say? Where's the pleasure for her? Since this turned out to be ONLY pleasure for her, would you say the same about the lack of his pleasure?


There are plenty of ways he could have gotten pleasure after he finished her manually, this one didn't work so try something else. 
She was trying to get him off manually before he tried this so after his new idea didn't work out they could have gone back to that or tried something else.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

SlowlyGoingCrazy said:


> There are plenty of ways he could have gotten pleasure after he finished her manually, this one didn't work so try something else.
> 
> She was trying to get him off manually before he tried this so after his new idea didn't work out they could have gone back to that or tried something else.



No you made this about him being selfish and not building intimacy when in fact he built intimacy and she didn't reciprocate. You were projecting, right?

You said some pretty unfair things about him which were not really true. He was not just using her.


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## NoSizeQueen (Sep 9, 2015)

Full points to Marduk!

She tried it, she didn't like it, she stopped it.

She's not required to like it. And she shouldn't have to continue if she's uncomfortable. She was trying to please him. His reaction when she stopped it might have shut down her willingness to continue trying to please him, and that's not unreasonable on her part.


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

WorkingOnMe said:


> No you made this about him being selfish and not building intimacy when in fact he built intimacy and she didn't reciprocate. You were projecting, right?
> 
> You said some pretty unfair things about him which were not really true. He was not just using her.


I still don't see how that is intimate at all, it would just be annoying to me and yes, feeling used. If I made my H lay there while I rubbed on him to get off I would feel I was just using him, yes even if I got him off first. It would be disconnecting, not connecting. 
Kiss, touch, lick, nibble, look at each other, rub each other at the same time. 

He got her off manually, she tried to get him off manually. Sometimes it's just not going to work. She tried something new, didn't like it, said she didn't like it. There's nothing wrong with that. Move on to something else that she enjoys doing better.


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## Valen15 (Nov 23, 2015)

Appreciate your perspective peacem...I feel like I don't have the patience though to start back at the basics but I get what you are saying


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## November (Nov 28, 2013)

marduk said:


> If you want to have a woman open up to you sexually, you need to respond well in these kinds of situations.
> 
> Because what actually happened was a SUCCESS. You got her to try something new, she went along with it until she got uncomfortable, and then she asked you to stop.
> 
> ...


Good post, and might add, if it's really weird or different it's worth discussing before the bedroom, but butt **inking isn't that weird, and if she doesn't like it, no downside, just go to the next thing like you suggest.


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## woundedwarrior (Dec 9, 2011)

I think the key is the lack of an emotional connection and she has to want to get it back. Spouses get a selfish attitude after several years & kids and decide "hey, I don't need to do that anymore"?, when it comes to sex or trying to heat things up. In my experience, once it becomes a "take it or leave it" activity or bare minimum with no need or desire to spruce things up, your likely going to be faced with a decision, adapt or leave.

You can guilt her and worry her about divorce, but that will only get you pity or duty sex and neither one is better than none at all.

If she doesn't miss the closeness and passionate sex and just tries to go along with what ever you initiate, with little feedback on her end, you have little chance of reviving the passion.

On a positive note, if everything else is good, you can actually live without sex, you won't spontaneously combust or anything. In my case, the sex was so boring and unpassionate for so long, going without feels like an improvement. You can always divorce and roll the dice that you'll strike gold later, but those odds were too low for me personally to go that route.

Not trying to sound negative, but I beat myself up for over 5 years, trying everything imaginable, to little avail. Giving up was the only way to save myself from emotional misery.


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## November (Nov 28, 2013)

WorkingOnMe said:


> Welcome to the forum November. Feel free to revisit these thoughts with me when you've been here a couple years and have read hundreds of these stories about what works and what doesn't.


Working,

Thx for the comment, and the longer I'm here, I will continue to learn more.

However, I'll strongly argue that a threat is something that would clearly be a last resort, and if one threatens, they need to be prepared to act on it. And generally, threats don't work well. People do not like ultimatums or being backed into a corner, regardless if it's right or wrong. But... sometimes it's necessary. And with the OP, if I had to, I'd sure start with a small threat, not one that would end the marriage.

And we can agree to disagree about talking. Communication is KEY to a relationship, and talking things out can and does solve problems. And there's a WAY to talk and people can learn how, and make their communication effective. You don't need years on a forum to find this out... good counselors, courses on human behavior, and a ton of good books will tell you this. 

However, time on the forum doesn't hurt, and you seem to be an expert. Thx for the comment.


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

happy as a clam said:


> Rubbing your c*ck on her rear seems pretty benign to me, especially after 10 years of marriage. (Heck, *I can't think of a single body part where my partner HASN'T rubbed his package* ) Was she ever adventurous in bed, before marriage?
> 
> She needs counseling and maybe a sex therapist to uncover the root of her inhibitions.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


How about your armpit?


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

Valens, would you mind sharing a little about what types of things you wish your wife would try, or what level of "spice" is in your marriage?

I admit that I can sympathize with your situation because I feel that my wife and I don't have the same spice we used to have. I'm not saying the passion is gone - far from it - but we're not where we used to be with the spice. Also while each marriage is unique and sexual discussions should be on a case by case basis, I also believe there are certain degrees of intimacy that are more common/acceptable vs benign vs major kink. Based on the act you described, you don't come across as one trying to get your wife to engage into weird fetishes. I think it makes sense to get a rough idea as to her level of eroticism.

There are a couple of things that can add spice to your sex life. One area is to try new sex acts themselves, but you can also add spice through "situational eroticism" as well, i.e. handjob under the covers while you're watching TV with your inlaws, making phone calls while your spouse is performing oral on you (or vice versa), etc...

In my situation, I've noticed my wife isn't much into oral at all anymore, she won't wear thongs, naughty negligeis (sp) or shave her honey pot. However, she enjoys adding spice by doing deeds when it's not optimal or where you might get caught - like leaning up against a wall in the basement being taken by behind while the kids are upstairs milling about, or talking on the phone while I'm playing with her or having sex with her. Not all the time, but enough times to make things interesting.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

SlowlyGoingCrazy said:


> I still don't see how that is intimate at all, it would just be annoying *to me* and yes, feeling used.


Notice the bolded comment above. I would venture to say that most of us in loving relationships would not feel that way at all (especially after I just sat on his face for my own pleasure).



SlowlyGoingCrazy said:


> If I made my H lay there while I rubbed on him to get off I would feel I was just using him, yes even if I got him off first. *It would be disconnecting, not connecting*. Kiss, touch, lick, nibble, look at each other, rub each other* at the same time. *


Again, these are YOUR rules about how YOU would feel during lovemaking. You really can't speak for the rest of us, so why try?

WoM was correct. I think you are projecting your own hangups on OP's sitch.


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

happy as a clam said:


> Notice the bolded comment above. I would venture to say that most of us in loving relationships would not feel that way at all (especially after I just sat on his face for my own pleasure).
> 
> 
> 
> ...


OPs wife did not like it so I'm sharing what my own reasons would be why I would also not like it, how it would make me feel. They may be the same as hers or they may be different. I'm not speaking for all of you, I'm giving my own opinion on it as a side that agrees with at least his wife's dislike. 
If someone likes it when their husband does it I'm sure not going to tell them that they shouldn't.

And the same, just because you wouldn't feel weird about it doesn't mean the OPs wife shouldn't. She tried and didn't like it, that's perfectly normal and Ok. Move on to something else that she will enjoy.


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## Valen15 (Nov 23, 2015)

My wife really doesn't have a level of eroticism, she is just more into traditional sex...missionary, the odd time she is on top. I rub her clit (she prefers not to get fingered) and she strokes my c.ock with her hand...She used to give oral, now doesn't nor does she enjoy getting it done to her. I am not wanting anything that would be considered taboo or major kinky, just something more than the same thing all the time. I would like to watch her touch herself (she won't), I would like to get her a toy (she is isn't comfortable with that), would like to **** her from behind now and then (doesn't like it), I would like to **** her up the ass (don't go there), would like to watch an erotic show (that's gross),...I get that I need to be respectful of what she is comfortable but not everything can be "No"


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

happy as a clam said:


> You took the words right out of my playbook. Don't beat yourself up too much; I did the exact same thing, married a man who was not my sexual match AT ALL, and ended up in a sexually dead marriage for 20 years. *Like you, I naively assumed it was something we would work out.*
> 
> 5 years post-divorce and it was the best decision I ever made. I just hope you don't wait another 10 years to fix this or get out.


yes, i think a lot of us naively do that. me included.
optimists to a fault.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

Valen15 said:


> My wife really doesn't have a level of eroticism, she is just more into traditional sex...missionary, the odd time she is on top. I rub her clit (she prefers not to get fingered) and she strokes my c.ock with her hand...She used to give oral, now doesn't nor does she enjoy getting it done to her. I am not wanting anything that would be considered taboo or major kinky, just something more than the same thing all the time. I would like to watch her touch herself (she won't), I would like to get her a toy (she is isn't comfortable with that), would like to **** her from behind now and then (doesn't like it), I would like to **** her up the ass (don't go there), would like to watch an erotic show (that's gross),...I get that I need to be respectful of what she is comfortable but not everything can be "No"



You have your work cut out for you, man.

Was she like this with you since you started dating (except the oral?) Why did you marry her if so much is off-limits?

Was she like this with other partners? Is there some trauma in her past?


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## Valen15 (Nov 23, 2015)

Yes, I think the same with other partners...although never spoke to her other partners about it, but I get that sense.

No trauma.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

Valen15 said:


> Yes, I think the same with other partners...although never spoke to her other partners about it, but I get that sense.
> 
> No trauma.


What does she want to get out of sex?

Does she see it as something that she has to do, or wants to do?

What are her fantasies? What was her best sexual experience?

What does she want to get out of her sex life?

Interesting questions to put to her.


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## Valen15 (Nov 23, 2015)

Wasn't as stale before between us...but yeah, I should have seen writing on the wall.


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## Valen15 (Nov 23, 2015)

It is too the point where I don't even know if she has answers to those questions.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

What turns her on?


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Plan 9 from OS said:


> How about your armpit?


Of course! 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## wanttolove (Jan 25, 2012)

Can I ask if part of your struggle is because you are thinking that you might want to find someone else? There comes to a point where a wife no longer feels like a companion, you need one, and any woman who offers companionship, even temporary, is an attractive idea.


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