# What is a Friending Player?



## Cloaked (Sep 15, 2013)

Most people know what a Player is in the single world. The selfish, conceited and emotionally aloof person who jumps from bed to bed. Many don't hear much about The Friending Player, their more patient and calculative cousins.

To those with experience with such people:
1.)How would you describe a Friending Player?

2.)What are the traits or signs to identify them?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Cloaked (Sep 15, 2013)

I have very little experience.

1.)Friending Player: one who seeks friendships with particular people with the intention to solicit sex from them. They do this by first befriending their target.

2.) again I have very little personal experience. But these are some traits in my case.
-Will ask that their corresponded with their target remain secret under the guise that the information is private.
EX- Before you read on, I ask that you read this in private. I’m about to share VERY sensitive and personal info.

-Will indirectly push for sex on the first meeting. They may or may not mention it but will ask to be in a place where sex could easily and most likely occur.
EX- Friending Player(FP): Would you like to meet up?
Target(T): Yes, I would like that.
FP: So you want to meet at your place then?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## WhiteRaven (Feb 24, 2014)

The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists: Neil Strauss: 9780060554736: Amazon.com: Books

The definite guide


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## davecarter (Aug 15, 2013)

Cloaked said:


> I have very little experience.
> 
> 1.)Friending Player: one who seeks friendships with particular people with the intention to solicit sex from them. They do this by first befriending their target.
> 
> ...


My wife's 2nd OM was a dangerous combination of a 'Friending Player' and a 'Predator'.

He was a 'buddy' of mine from years ago who'd lost touched with and through another buddy of mine we were re-acquainted just as my wife was in the midst of her relationship with her OM, around about May last year.

In short, he basically reached out to me to offer help, advice, support on what to do and basically be a 'drinking-buddy' as I was going through a bad time then...my wife's relationship with OM#1 was looking shaky and I honestly thought there may have been a chance of Reconciliation with her....albeit it very tentatively.
Along comes this guy, and basically maneuvered me into a position whereby I actually stupidly introduced him to my estranged-wife one Saturday afternoon in May last year.

_6 days_ later, she was at his house while I was looking after our kids and OM#1 was given a rain-check... :scratchhead:


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

Is a Friending Player different from the guy who keeps a "harem" of female friends at all times, any of whom may or may not eventually become an AP? 

My ex was the type who always had a bevy of attractive female friends that he flirted and bantered with. He was always sure to be there for them if they were having relationship problems, work issues, family drama, etc. Some of these women were just slightly-too-flirty friends, while some of them started as friends and became APs. It was like he had low-level EA's going with probably a dozen or so ladies at any given time. Occasionally he would ramp it up to sexting, full-blown EA, even PA with a "friend". Most of these women eventually fell back into the friends pool as if the sexting, EA, PA, whatever, had never happened, and they remained friends.


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## Philat (Sep 12, 2013)

Rowan said:


> Is a Friending Player different from the guy who keeps a "harem" of female friends at all times, any of whom may or may not eventually become an AP?
> 
> My ex was the type who always had a bevy of attractive female friends that he flirted and bantered with. He was always sure to be there for them if they were having relationship problems, work issues, family drama, etc. Some of these women were just slightly-too-flirty friends, while some of them started as friends and became APs. It was like he had low-level EA's going with probably a dozen or so ladies at any given time, and would ramp it up to sexting, full-blown EA, even PA with certain of his friends from time to time. Most of these women eventually fell back into the friends pool as if the sexting, EA, PA, whatever, had never happened.


Sounds like the Archetype.


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## Cloaked (Sep 15, 2013)

WhiteRaven said:


> The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists: Neil Strauss: 9780060554736: Amazon.com: Books
> 
> The definite guide


One of the reviews says the author lost interest in everything except picking up women. I didn't know pick up artistry was addictive.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

I have never heard of a "Friending Player."


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## Allen_A (Nov 18, 2013)

Again I ask.. why do we have to call them "players?"

Why can't be use womanizer or some other more appropriate term rather than this cutesy "player" word that makes it all sound fun and OK?

We don't call deceit and lying "fibbing" here do we?

There's a reason for that, word choice conveys meaning.


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## Allen_A (Nov 18, 2013)

Cloaked said:


> One of the reviews says the author lost interest in everything except picking up women. I didn't know pick up artistry was addictive.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Losing interest in other things does not make something an addiction.

What may be addictive is the SEX part. Womanizers can often be sex addicts.


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## davecarter (Aug 15, 2013)

Allen_A said:


> Again I ask.. why do we have to call them "players?"
> 
> Why can't be use womanizer or some other more appropriate term rather than this cutesy "player" word that makes it all sound fun and OK?
> 
> ...


Oh I dunno, I think 'Womanizer' is seen to be something of a man's man as well as a ladies man!

Gable...Beatty...Flynn...etc


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## Cloaked (Sep 15, 2013)

Allen_A said:


> Losing interest in other things does not make something an addiction.
> 
> What may be addictive is the SEX part. Womanizers can often be sex addicts.


" ...it wouldn't be much of a story if there wasn't a dark side to the success. Strauss describes how he loses interest in everything EXCEPT picking up women and in fact feels compelled to hit on them almost constantly." Sounds like an addiction to me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Cloaked (Sep 15, 2013)

Allen_A said:


> Again I ask.. why do we have to call them "players?"
> 
> Why can't be use womanizer or some other more appropriate term rather than this cutesy "player" word that makes it all sound fun and OK?
> 
> ...


Good point. I'll toy with the idea.

Possible alternate terms:
emotional/ sexual predator
emotional/ sexual manipulator
user
handler

I like the idea of calling a player a sexual predator.  I don't think the term would catch on. :-(
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Roddy (Mar 4, 2013)

Player is not exactly accurate when speaking of these types. We all think of some bar hopping person that is expert in a quick pick-up. In my WW's case, the guy friends multiple women and runs an innocence game at all times with several. I have known him for 8 years, golf with him, been to his house, not close, but friends. I truthfully thought he might be gay. Never saw him with a woman. (His women were ALWAYS married.) He brought his troubled eight year old nephew around to the course and used him like some guys do with a dog at a park. Very soft spoken sensitive type to the ladies. "Can Cody ride in the cart with you, WW?"
He watched what my wife did and seemed interested in and those things became important to him. He worked it for 18 months. No big deal for him, he was already sleeping with another friends wife and part time with another.
When Dday came, I suspected him and confronted the other friends wife and asked WTH? She tried to minimize her involvement, (her husband still didn't know), but finally broke and told me all of it. 3 years she had screwed around with the guy and they were transparent with each other. Sometimes cheaters are brutally honest with each other about the sh*t they are up to. The guy remodeled a third friends kitchen and you guessed it, nailed the wife.
He told her he enjoyed farking the wives of friends, made him feel awesome and he thought it was funny. My WW rode bikes, he explained that poor Cody had a bike for two years and had never been on a ride. She of course took him. Poor Cody had no women's influence in his life, off they go to bake a cake.
I did convince second friends wife to confess (in a limited way.)
Would WW have had an affair without this guy trolling? I will never know. But he is the worst kind of human and I will personally drive the karma bus over his ass some day.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Perhaps predator player is more accurate. Few women seem to pick up on this kind of man yet at a club see a generic player coming even as they approach the table.

Friending player. 
1) Targets attached women
2) Plays the friend angle first and foremost.
3) Slowly pushes boundaries. As that level is reached it becomes the new boundary.
4) Uses the angle of being there / confidant / friend
5) Is VERY difficult to tell from a man that is just a friend, at least early in the game.
6) "Really listens to her"
7) Willing to wait and play long term game. Current women "in play" are merely replacements for the ones he is already doing.
8) Does not directly insult husband/ bf but often uses left handed compliments like: He must really work hard to not be there for you.
9) Is what the husband fails at. If she says he never helps around the house despite her having a FT job... Magically a week later he cut himself on a knife in the sink while doing dishes while she slept in.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

Roddy said:


> Player is not exactly accurate when speaking of these types. We all think of some bar hopping person that is expert in a quick pick-up. In my WW's case, the guy friends multiple women and runs an innocence game at all times with several. I have known him for 8 years, golf with him, been to his house, not close, but friends. I truthfully thought he might be gay. Never saw him with a woman. (His women were ALWAYS married.) He brought his troubled eight year old nephew around to the course and used him like some guys do with a dog at a park. Very soft spoken sensitive type to the ladies. "Can Cody ride in the cart with you, WW?"
> He watched what my wife did and seemed interested in and those things became important to him. He worked it for 18 months. No big deal for him, he was already sleeping with another friends wife and part time with another.
> When Dday came, I suspected him and confronted the other friends wife and asked WTH? She tried to minimize her involvement, (her husband still didn't know), but finally broke and told me all of it. 3 years she had screwed around with the guy and they were transparent with each other. Sometimes cheaters are brutally honest with each other about the sh*t they are up to. The guy remodeled a third friends kitchen and you guessed it, nailed the wife.
> He told her he enjoyed farking the wives of friends, made him feel awesome and he thought it was funny. My WW rode bikes, he explained that poor Cody had a bike for two years and had never been on a ride. She of course took him. Poor Cody had no women's influence in his life, off they go to bake a cake.
> ...


Wow. That dude sounds like he's using _The Sociopath Next Door _as an instruction manual for his life.


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## Squeakr (May 1, 2013)

Rowan said:


> Wow. That dude sounds like he's using _The Sociopath Next Door _as an instruction manual for his life.


:iagree::iagree::iagree: .... and needs some lessons taught. Maybe all his married male friends should get together and form the wagons!!!


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## Cloaked (Sep 15, 2013)

weightlifter said:


> Perhaps predator player is more accurate.


Predatory Player. Has a nice ring to it

"I don't want you talking to Dan next door. He's a PP!"

Hmmmmm. Very unromantic that. Makes it more disgusting.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## theroad (Feb 20, 2012)

People can not see the forest for the trees.

They get hung up on names and adjectives.

A player is a guy that will try to bed as many women as he can. Whether he is has a GF or wife. Whether the target is single, has a BF or husband does not matter.

Some players as the top alpha player. The guy we have seen that can always walk out of a place with a hot woman every night. A woman's relationship status, single, free, married never slows him down. Whether wealth, fame, or what ever he is able to work fast.

Actors, pro athletes, rock stars, and so on have women throwing themselves at these alphas.

As with anything there are players with less status and their alpha status decreases they have to work harder to score.

Working harder does not stop these players from trying to bang as many women as they can. They just realize they have to put in more time to score.

Thus when we get to the lowest level of player he will work the friendship angle the most and the longest. And he will work it forever.

As a fisherman is fishing he will dangle his hook baited with friendship. Any one that has fly fished, or used lure's to bass fish. Patiently presenting the bait yields the best results.

A player is a player. Whether all he has to do is walk up to a woman an say: want to leave. Or he has to work the woman for a year.

The end result is the woman is played and their is now a BH.


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## Cloaked (Sep 15, 2013)

Rowan said:


> Wow. That dude sounds like he's using _The Sociopath Next Door _as an instruction manual for his life.


I am of the opinion that serial cheaters are at least complete narcissist or borderline sociopaths. Reason being to be a serial cheater you have to have a complete disconnect from your emotions or entirely devoid of empathy. Which is a common trait of sociopaths.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Squeakr (May 1, 2013)

Cloaked said:


> I am of the opinion that serial cheaters are at least complete narcissist or borderline sociopaths. Reason being to be a serial cheater you have to have a complete disconnect from your emotions or entirely devoid of empathy. Which is a common trait of sociopaths.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


But is this dude a cheater? Technically if he is single and not in a committed relationship, then the answer would be no and this would make him only a sociopath (not a serial cheater).


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## Cloaked (Sep 15, 2013)

Squeakr said:


> But is this dude a cheater? Technically if he is single and not in a committed relationship, then the answer would be no and this would make him only a sociopath (not a serial cheater).


I agree. I was speaking about serial cheaters in general.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## davecarter (Aug 15, 2013)

Cloaked said:


> I am of the opinion that serial cheaters are at least complete narcissist or borderline sociopaths. Reason being to be a serial cheater you have to have a complete disconnect from your emotions or entirely devoid of empathy. Which is a common trait of sociopaths.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


_This_...is what my wife's OM#2 was/is.


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## Allen_A (Nov 18, 2013)

Cloaked said:


> Predatory Player. Has a nice ring to it
> 
> "I don't want you talking to Dan next door. He's a PP!"
> 
> ...


Using the term "player" suggests this is something FUN.

You want people to think preying on marriages is FUN?

Interloper
Predator
Trespasser
Intruder
Homerecker

Those words better convey the point you want to get across I assume.

You say player and people think hockey, baseball, or guitar or something... they don't think _marital trespasser_.

It doesn't matter if it catches on, the point is you want people to understand the value you assign to the behavior.

If you are going to call the guy a player, that means what they are doing is playing... playing is FUN... rather than _malicious_.

Marital trespassing is malicious is it not? Or is marital trespassing something you consider fun?

You do want to convey _predatory_ behavior don't' you?

Then call them marital predators or whatever.. just not player!


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

Player, home wrecker, Don Juan, lothario, they are different terms for the same thing. Different terms for different generations and places of origin. Why be hung up on that term?

Its no different when someone say "she slept with him". We ALL know "that" wasnt sleep. So some use the word bang, or shag, when we all know it means fvcking.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

lordmayhem said:


> Player, home wrecker, Don Juan, lothario, they are different terms for the same thing. Different terms for different generations and places of origin. Why be hung up on that term?
> 
> Its no different when someone say "she slept with him". We ALL know "that" wasnt sleep. So some use the word bang, or shag, when we all know it means fvcking.


You forgot "satyr."


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## Allen_A (Nov 18, 2013)

lordmayhem said:


> Player, home wrecker, Don Juan, lothario, they are different terms for the same thing. Different terms for different generations and places of origin. Why be hung up on that term?
> 
> Its no different when someone say "she slept with him". We ALL know "that" wasnt sleep. So some use the word bang, or shag, when we all know it means fvcking.


Because each term has differences in meaning.. subtle or otherwise.

"I had an indiscretion" is not the same thing as saying "I cheated".

In practice the behavior is the same, but the point is the former phrase is suggesting something quite different than the latter.

These words do have distinctive differences.

Sorry, "player" and "marital trespasser" do not convey the same thoughts. The practical behavior of the subject may be the same, but the inherent meaning is quite different.

In short, using indiscretion amounts to the user of that word focussing on the fact that the person got caught, or humiliation took place. That it would have been all fine and dandy if no one knew about it.

Cheating is rather different from an indiscretion in that cheating means some moral offense has been perpetrated... someone took or did something with illegitimate means resulting in an unfair outcome.

Sorry, but words matter.

These guys are not players playing, these are marital interlopers trespassing...

If you want people to think marital trespassing is just playful fun, then by all means keep calling them "playas"... just realize your choice of words determines the subtleties of how you are heard.

"Playa" is not "trespasser"...Not the same thing at all... sorry.

No wonder no one takes infidelity seriously anymore with people making jokes and calling these offenders "playas"


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## DeterminedToThrive (Nov 2, 2013)

Cloaked said:


> Good point. I'll toy with the idea.
> 
> Possible alternate terms:
> emotional/ sexual predator
> ...


I think those two are probably most accurately descriptive. They also seem more gender neutral than player, that's usually used to describe males.


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## Squeakr (May 1, 2013)

Marital trespasser or interloper sounds like a toxic friend as well and doesn't convey the thought that cheating occurred so that is not a good alternative either since semantics are at play here.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Allen_A (Nov 18, 2013)

Squeakr said:


> Marital trespasser or interloper sounds like a toxic friend as well and doesn't convey the thought that cheating occurred so that is not a good alternative either since semantics are at play here.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I agree with you, however marital trespasser is at least closer than "playa".. and a hell of a lot more characteristic in tone.

I am all for other suggestions... as long as they are an improvement.


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## HarryDoyle (Jan 19, 2013)

I don't care what you call them, as long as it's prefixed with *POS!*

Actually I will say I don't like the term "predator", it suggests that the "prey" is weak and defenseless. My WW is neither. In the wild you don't see a zebra inviting a lion over to a friend's house to have sex during lunch break. In my WW's situation I'm not sure who the predator was. I like "player", that's just me. My WW was played alright, but when she figured it out she played right along. Like it or not, when you say "player", everyone knows what you mean, even the "playa".


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## Allen_A (Nov 18, 2013)

HarryDoyle said:


> Like it or not, when you say "player", everyone knows what you mean, even the "playa".


NO, they do'nt know what you mean. That's my point and you missed it.

Some people hear "playa" and they think "high five time"

I can't imagine anyone thinking "high five time" after being called a "marital predator".

Sorry, but meaning is conveyed by words, and different words carry different meanings and values with them.

I would never use the term "playa" to characterize someone I thought was a POS. It just leaves a mixed message.

"Playa" sounds cute and fun, not sleazy and disrespectful, much less a POS.


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## HarryDoyle (Jan 19, 2013)

Allen_A said:


> NO, they do'nt know what you mean. That's my point and you missed it.
> 
> Some people hear "playa" and they think "high five time"
> 
> ...


Well don't tell me, tell Google. This is the first link in my search for "player". Just saying.

Urban dictionary:

1.
player
A male who is skilled at manipulating ("playing") others, and especially at seducing women by pretending to care about them, when in reality they are only interested in sex. Possibly derived from the phrases "play him for a fool", or "play him like a violin". The term was popularized by hip-hop culture, but was commonly recognized among urban American blacks by the 1970s. 

A certain class of low-rent, slack-jawed fvckups has decided that backstabbing and misogyny are totally radical, so the word is sometimes used as a compliment or term of endearment between male friends, as in the greeting "what's up, player?".
Gina thought she had found the love of her life when she met Sean, but after she found out he had slept with three of her best friends, she realized that he was nothing but a player.


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## Allen_A (Nov 18, 2013)

That's not how people use the term... most people use it in a congratulatory and approving way... "playa" does not exactly convey disapproval.

And that dictionary entry does not even convey any disapproval, it just states the differences in agenda.

If you do'nt approve of womanizing and marital trespassing, then I would advocate using a term that conveys your disapproval.

"Playa" just congratulates the OM on a job well done!

Is that what you want to convey? Job well done???


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## HarryDoyle (Jan 19, 2013)

Allen_A said:


> That's not how people use the term... most people use it in a congratulatory and approving way... "playa" does not exactly convey disapproval.
> 
> And that dictionary entry does not even convey any disapproval, it just states the differences in agenda.
> 
> ...


Honestly, I think it has a lot to do with context *and* how your came to use the word in the first place. In other words, where you live. I grew up in a very large urban setting, and I'm old enough to remember when the term first started being used. I didn't like the term then and I don't like it now. I have always used it in a derogatory way. But that's just *me.* What comes to mind when you hear the word may be totally different, doesn't mean either one is wrong. I can think of hundreds of examples.


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## Allen_A (Nov 18, 2013)

HarryDoyle said:


> I have always used it in a derogatory way. But that's just *me.* What comes to mind when you hear the word may be totally different, doesn't mean either one is wrong. I can think of hundreds of examples.


I think it's safe to say it's too generic/multi-purpose to suit anyone's purpose to convey subtleties.

Marital trespasser or something else I would expect to be misread far less often.


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## HarryDoyle (Jan 19, 2013)

Allen_A said:


> I think it's safe to say it's too generic/multi-purpose to suit anyone's purpose to convey subtleties.
> 
> Marital trespasser or something else I would expect to be misread far less often.


your right, it is way too broad. I think most players are not looking for married woman. It takes a certain type of a$$clown for that. I just don't know if any term truely conveys this.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Allen_A (Nov 18, 2013)

HarryDoyle said:


> your right, it is way too broad. I think most players are not looking for married woman. It takes a certain type of a$$clown for that. I just don't know if any term truely conveys this.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Marital trespasser is not perfect either, but it's better than player.

I am confident people here can put their minds together and come up with better terms than player.

That's all I am suggesting here right now is to look for a better word than player. Not the perfect word, just something other than player. Something that's better and more fitting.

Womanizer, closet rapist, whatever you can find, just please look for a better term than player. Most people hear the word player and aren't hearing what you want them to hear from it. I can promise you not many people are hearing player in a disapproving way. You are just high-fiving these guys calling them that. They would be flattered to hear you call them player.

Reprobate, philanderer, lecher... just open a dictionary or thesaurus and find something you think is more suitable.


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## walkingdead (Jul 9, 2013)

May I nominate "poacher" ?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

Roddy said:


> Player is not exactly accurate when speaking of these types. We all think of some bar hopping person that is expert in a quick pick-up. In my WW's case, the guy friends multiple women and runs an innocence game at all times with several. I have known him for 8 years, golf with him, been to his house, not close, but friends. I truthfully thought he might be gay. Never saw him with a woman. (His women were ALWAYS married.) He brought his troubled eight year old nephew around to the course and used him like some guys do with a dog at a park. Very soft spoken sensitive type to the ladies. "Can Cody ride in the cart with you, WW?"
> He watched what my wife did and seemed interested in and those things became important to him. He worked it for 18 months. No big deal for him, he was already sleeping with another friends wife and part time with another.
> When Dday came, I suspected him and confronted the other friends wife and asked WTH? She tried to minimize her involvement, (her husband still didn't know), but finally broke and told me all of it. 3 years she had screwed around with the guy and they were transparent with each other. Sometimes cheaters are brutally honest with each other about the sh*t they are up to. The guy remodeled a third friends kitchen and you guessed it, nailed the wife.
> He told her he enjoyed farking the wives of friends, made him feel awesome and he thought it was funny. My WW rode bikes, he explained that poor Cody had a bike for two years and had never been on a ride. She of course took him. Poor Cody had no women's influence in his life, off they go to bake a cake.
> ...


 So why don't you drive that karma bus yourself, with your boot?

I would go out of my way to ruin his life. It would be easy. Then if he confronts you, tell him you enjoy wrecking your friends' lives because it gives you a rush, and it's funny.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

HarryDoyle said:


> Honestly, I think it has a lot to do with context *and* how your came to use the word in the first place. In other words, where you live. I grew up in a very large urban setting, and I'm old enough to remember when the term first started being used. I didn't like the term then and I don't like it now. I have always used it in a derogatory way. But that's just *me.* What comes to mind when you hear the word may be totally different, doesn't mean either one is wrong. I can think of hundreds of examples.


Exactly what I was trying to get across. Allen_A is in Canada, so he doesn't see the term the same way.


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## Allen_A (Nov 18, 2013)

lordmayhem said:


> Exactly what I was trying to get across. Allen_A is in Canada, so he doesn't see the term the same way.


I am in Canada, not Siberia. I know what Player means... Heck most of my internet communication IS with people in the USA.


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## Allen_A (Nov 18, 2013)

walkingdead said:


> May I nominate "poacher" ?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yup, I have used that before too... 

Helen Fisher uses that term as well for the same purpose. I've heard her use it.


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## Roddy (Mar 4, 2013)

> So why don't you drive that karma bus yourself, with your boot?
> 
> I would go out of my way to ruin his life. It would be easy. Then if he confronts you, tell him you enjoy wrecking your friends' lives because it gives you a rush, and it's funny.


I am trying to figure out how. Amazingly enough, people accepted his return to the golf course after I sold the pro-shop business. I was stuck helping the new people set up the weekly events and he was informed to stay away from me while I was stuck there. Instead, the first time I saw him, he was playing cards with a group of my "friends" and then off they went to golf! Then on Friday night, when he knew I was obligated to run the Friday event for the new owners, he signs up and in front of 50 friends comes up to the board I am taking the bets at, and places his bets. 

Part of my deal with the new owners is, I get free golf for 5 years there. But he has made a point of playing all events so I either eat a sh*t sandwich or give up my golf games. I made sure everyone knows what happened, but except for about 5 guys, nobody cares. "I don't take sides in stuff like this." 

I am not asking anyone to take sides. I am asking them not to assist in a travesty. If I had no soul and pulled a stunt like this, my first thought would be, "Damn, I won't be able to return there if I do this." 

People have no clue what the difference is I guess. Have the ass-h*le over for dinner, golf somewhere else with him, do whatever you want if he is so precious. But don't help him force feed me a turd sandwich.


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## Allen_A (Nov 18, 2013)

Roddy said:


> People have no clue what the difference is I guess. Have the ass-h*le over for dinner, golf somewhere else with him, do whatever you want if he is so precious. But don't help him force feed me a turd sandwich.


The most ridiculous thing is these "friends" are just shooting themselves in the foot. If that guy will violate a marriage without remorse he's just going to stick it to each one of those "friends" eventually as well.. borrow money and not return it, etc

If he will do it to you, he will do some immature act to them too.. and here they are gobbling it up like gullible fools.

I have to work with a guy every day who cheats on his wife and even brags about it.

I wont' have anything to do with him... never mind his wife, I don't trust him enough to socialize with him myself!

If he will betray his wife, he will screw me over as well.

Some people just don't see the red lights and keep driving along...


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

Marital trespasser, interloper, and the like are not appropriate since the "target" provided an invitation. "Players" are like vampires. They can't enter where not invited.


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## Allen_A (Nov 18, 2013)

ThePheonix said:


> Marital trespasser, interloper, and the like are not appropriate since the "target" provided an invitation. "Players" are like vampires. They can't enter where not invited.


It's a false and illegitimate invitation given it's a marriage of two people he's trespassing into. He's only got the consent of one of them... the other party member is deliberately left OUT of the LOOP.

Sorry, it is trespassing. I have heard that ridiculous "it's not trespassing" argument a thousand times now.

Just because a wife gives a OM a green light to pursue that does not legitimize his overtures. He has no consent from the other party of the marriage.

Until both marital parties consent to the marriage being trespassed, he's trespassing.

And more important, the OM knows he is trespassing.

Where there is deception in an arrangement, there cannot be legitimacy, sorry.

The deception the two engage in, illegitimizes the act, and renders it trespassing against the deceived third party.

It's basic arithmetic for goodness sakes. 1 + 1 = 2.

If OM knows she's married, and he can count to THREE, he knows he's trespassing.

He knows he's poaching.

He knows he's intruding.

And he knows he does not belong there.


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## hurtingbadly (Sep 14, 2011)

My WS used this card. He was every girls' buddy at work. Family guy, I'm safe, come talk to me, what's your problem... Yadda, yadda, yadda. You get the picture. I read up on this somewhere the other day and it totally fit the bill.


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## Allen_A (Nov 18, 2013)

hurtingbadly said:


> My WS used this card. He was every girls' buddy at work. Family guy, I'm safe, come talk to me, what's your problem... Yadda, yadda, yadda. You get the picture. I read up on this somewhere the other day and it totally fit the bill.


Yup, these guys remind me of burglars, casing out the marriage like it's some kind of heist... Come talk to me, tell me all the vulnerable points of your marriage so I can make my way in as easy as possible.

I swear the parallels of marital intrusion with criminal activity overlap so much it makes my head spin.

It just gives me the creeps.


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## hurtingbadly (Sep 14, 2011)

Yep, totally creepy. And I'm married to that creep.


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## Cloaked (Sep 15, 2013)

Roddy said:


> I am trying to figure out how. Amazingly enough, people accepted his return to the golf course after I sold the pro-shop business. I was stuck helping the new people set up the weekly events and he was informed to stay away from me while I was stuck there. Instead, the first time I saw him, he was playing cards with a group of my "friends" and then off they went to golf! Then on Friday night, when he knew I was obligated to run the Friday event for the new owners, he signs up and in front of 50 friends comes up to the board I am taking the bets at, and places his bets.
> 
> Part of my deal with the new owners is, I get free golf for 5 years there. But he has made a point of playing all events so I either eat a sh*t sandwich or give up my golf games. I made sure everyone knows what happened, but except for about 5 guys, nobody cares. "I don't take sides in stuff like this."
> 
> ...


He should, at the very least, be on cheaterville.com
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## davecarter (Aug 15, 2013)

Allen_A said:


> It's a false and illegitimate invitation given it's a marriage of two people he's trespassing into. He's only got the consent of one of them... the other party member is deliberately left OUT of the LOOP.
> 
> Sorry, it is trespassing. I have heard that ridiculous "it's not trespassing" argument a thousand times now.
> 
> ...


But...he got there because he's a _'Ninja'_.


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

Roddy said:


> I am trying to figure out how. Amazingly enough, people accepted his return to the golf course after I sold the pro-shop business. I was stuck helping the new people set up the weekly events and he was informed to stay away from me while I was stuck there. Instead, the first time I saw him, he was playing cards with a group of my "friends" and then off they went to golf! Then on Friday night, when he knew I was obligated to run the Friday event for the new owners, he signs up and in front of 50 friends comes up to the board I am taking the bets at, and places his bets.
> 
> Part of my deal with the new owners is, I get free golf for 5 years there. But he has made a point of playing all events so I either eat a sh*t sandwich or give up my golf games. I made sure everyone knows what happened, but except for about 5 guys, nobody cares. "I don't take sides in stuff like this."
> 
> ...


You need to think outside the box.

The best thing to do is come up with some reason why you need a restraining order against this guy. Then, he can't show up at the golf course while ou are there.

Find out where he sent your wife all those emails. From work? Tell the HR department.

Put his ass on cheatervillle. 

Tell all your buddies you think you saw him chatting up thier wives. Then give them some background again on why they should be concerned. Watch them go into immediate co(k block mode and dump his a$$ as a friend.

Go to the library and fill out every magazine subscription in his name, with the "bill me later" option.

Place an ad on Craigslist in the men seeking men column, with his number as contact.

....the list goes on....


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