# Daily reminder.



## Wildflower3 (Nov 20, 2011)

Woke up sad again today in this silent house. I got really frustrated at myself for it, so I hopped out of bed, ran downstairs to get a dry erase marker, ran back up to my bathroom and jotted myself a daily reminder on the mirror:

Get your head out of your ass!
Stop being sad!
He doesn't love you! He NEVER loved you! He doesn't miss you!
You were an egg donor!
Stop missing him! Stop loving him! Get over him!

I hope it helps!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jpr (Dec 14, 2011)

It is a grieving process, Wildflower. You have to remember that. It is a process, and as long as you are moving forward in a positive direction, it is okay (& healthy) to let yourself be sad and grieve. These feelings need to be felt so that you can move forward.

Each bad day brings you closer to a good day. 

I equate this process to grieving the death of a loved one. My brother died suddenly a few years ago. It was shocking, and after he died it was hard to come to terms with the fact that he was really gone. I would call up my parents house and expect my brother to answer the phone--even though I *knew* it was impossible because he was dead. But, my heart soooooo wanted him not to be. When I grieved the loss of my husband, I went through a similar process--but, it was harder, because I still had to see my husband. Each time I would see him, I would sort of expect him to start joking around with me and making me laugh like he used to. I expected him to magically go back to being the man that I had loved for so many years. ...and when he would not behave that way, my heart would ache and ache for what was. But, eventually, I just stopped expecting it. I just stopped thinking about the past. Those waves of sadness and regret just sort of stopped. I let those feelings and that pain run their course, and after I got tired of being sad, angry, and bitter all the time I made a conscious effort to retrain my thinking. 

We all have to do what we have to do to cope with this. My ex-husband also told me that he never loved me and that he thought it was a mistake that we got married. But, you know what? I know that isn't true. I know that he did love me at one point....just not in the way that I deserved to be loved. I don't think that my ex is capable of that sort of real, genuine, and unconditional love. I have a hard time believing that your husband never loved you either. He did....in his own way...but, probably not in the way that you deserve. One of my friends also tells me "You have never really been loved, <insert my real name here>. You don't know what it is like to REALLY be loved. One day, you will, and you will forget about all of this heartache."

That always gives me hope when she says this to me, and it gives me something to look forward to. My ex-husband has some sort of personality disorder and he tends to treat people like poop. I also just put up with it and accepted it because I loved him. I thought that God put me in his life to make him a better person. ...and I do believe that I did make him a better person for many years. But, now, it is time to move on and find someone who will truly love and appreciate me. Time to stop focusing on the past, live in the present, and move onto the future.

Maybe someday you will write a reminder on your mirror that states, "Time to move forward in a positive direction."...."You WILL find love. You WILL find happiness. Your WILL build a brighter future"


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## Wildflower3 (Nov 20, 2011)

Thanks, JPR. Your words help tremendously!! It just sucks to think a couple of weeks ago, I was at a high point. It's hard, but I'll get through it. We all will.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## daisygirl 41 (Aug 5, 2011)

Be kind to yourself and feel what you are feeling. Its all part of the grieving process.
Do something nice for yourself today.
When i was hurting, the thing that helped me in the end, was to just let it go. I didn't want to be part of the drama any more. I realised i couldn't control his actions but i could control mine. 
Every morning or evening i would have a cry then take a deep breath and just let it go. My heart hurt like nothing else but it really did help me.
Sending you a virtual hug.
x


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## sd212 (Feb 24, 2012)

I really like the idea of writing this on my bathroom mirror stuff! Too bad I'm trying to sell this house and have a showing today : )
Wouldn't that be funny to be looking at a house and see that!

Anyway, I'm much like you and in a bad spot after feeling much better for a while. Daisy is right about being kind to yourself. This is a horrible thing that is happening to us and we shouldn't expect to feel any other way. As far as just letting it go, I wish I could mast that skill. I can't but maybe you can.

Just keep remembering that millions have gone through this and ended up happier than they ever thought they could be. It doesn't happen over night though.


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## daisygirl 41 (Aug 5, 2011)

sd212 said:


> I really like the idea of writing this on my bathroom mirror stuff! Too bad I'm trying to sell this house and have a showing today : )
> Wouldn't that be funny to be looking at a house and see that!
> 
> Anyway, I'm much like you and in a bad spot after feeling much better for a while. Daisy is right about being kind to yourself. This is a horrible thing that is happening to us and we shouldn't expect to feel any other way. As far as just letting it go, I wish I could mast that skill. I can't but maybe you can.
> ...


It's a very difficult proccess and It took me a long time to get to the point of Forgivness and letting go. Probably took me about 10 months. But when I did, it really helped me.
You'll get there in your own time .
X
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## sadwithouthim (Dec 8, 2011)

Wildflower3 said:


> Thanks, JPR. Your words help tremendously!! It just sucks to think a couple of weeks ago, I was at a high point. It's hard, but I'll get through it. We all will.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


That must be the roller coaster everyone describes. Wildflower...I was in such a bad emotional state for over a year...I'm riding the roller coaster now but what I am seeing is my good periods are lasting longer. Yours will too. I'm not bad today and that comes from someone who is so sick as a dog with a cold. I slept all day but I slept for me because I needed it....I no longer sleep all day because of him like I had for many months.

Just as everyone says....keep thinking of you and doing for you. I know its hard....I was so broken and now I see my pieces starting to stick back together.

I will say a prayer for you tonight.

Jpr....I'm so sorry about your brother....I lost a sister rather quickly. I agree divorce is harder. My sister just like your brother didn't leave us because they no longer loved us....they didn't have a choice.

Your words were soothing Jpr....they helped me too. You are a good women.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## justabovewater (Jun 26, 2011)

Wild, I can't remember how far into your separation you are, but it does get better. I don't know if we ever really get over it, we just get "through" it and eventually just put it into a file way back in our memory. It sure is hard to be positive during this time though, isn't it? I know something that has helped me during the last 9 months has been a devotional book that the facilitators of a divorce group got for me. I've never been a particularly religious person, but being so lonely I HAD to look somewhere for strength and "Jesus Calling" seems to hit spot in on most days. Theres also an app for it if you have the iphone. Just a suggestion


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## Wildflower3 (Nov 20, 2011)

I'm 6 months in. I took jpr's advice and started thinking more positively. I erased what I had written on my mirror because looking at it felt good at first, but then started bringing me to a bad place. This afternoon, I wrote "things to look forward to" and listed things that I am excited about in the near future. Taking things day by day. Today was a really good day. I was in a great mood and looking forward to picking my kids up from daycare and spending a fun afternoon with them. 

The weekend was dreary and lonely, and to make it worse, I decided to get my @$$ up and go to a covered driving range (it was so rainy and cold) to get my mind off of things. My mood worsened as every time I got ready to swing, I saw emails from him about financial advisors and mediation. Frustrated me even more because then my ball would go everywhere except where I wanted it to go! 

I really have to keep remembering to focus on good things that I can control. The list picked me up. Back at a high again!


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