# Has your WW ever tried to have sex with you?



## jlc29316 (Feb 28, 2013)

In the midst of an affair? Just curious, and wondering if this is normal. You'd think if they were so involved with this other person they'd stay faithful to them.


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## SomedayDig (Jul 17, 2012)

It's called compartmentalization.

There is no honor among thieves.


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## rrrbbbttt (Apr 6, 2011)

Smoke Screen to keep the BS from finding out about it.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

the frequency of sex increased during her affair

don't think that the lack of sex or frequency of sex is an always an indicator of an affair, you have to look at the whole picture


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## jlc29316 (Feb 28, 2013)

I know of the affair...its out there. But my wife still wants to have sex with me...wtf!


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## Hardtohandle (Jan 10, 2013)

jlc29316 said:


> I know of the affair...its out there. But my wife still wants to have sex with me...wtf!


Is she out of the house ? 
Do you have children together ?

Maybe she is realizing she fvcked up and is trying to worm her way back ? I expect this happening in several months with my STBXW when the bubble to her ever shrinking world pops. 

The one thing we did have that we connected on was the sex.


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## jlc29316 (Feb 28, 2013)

Hardtohandle said:


> Is she out of the house ?
> Do you have children together ?
> 
> Maybe she is realizing she fvcked up and is trying to worm her way back ? I expect this happening in several months with my STBXW when the bubble to her ever shrinking world pops.
> ...


She still lives in the house and we do have two children...however I am meeting with an attorney Friday. She doesn't know that.


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## SomedayDig (Jul 17, 2012)

Bride of Frank said:


> I think the term "rainbow and unicorn la-la land" more accurately describes where their heads are at than simply "compartmentalization", but it's all the same concept!


See what happens when I try to sound all smart!! :rofl:

Truth: The Land of Unicorns & Rainbows is wonderful any time of the year. It never rains. Never too hot. There is no farting and absolutely no children, taxes or burdens of life getting in the way. I wonder if Orbitz has specials on One-Way tickets?


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## Hardtohandle (Jan 10, 2013)

jlc29316 said:


> She still lives in the house and we do have two children...however I am meeting with an attorney Friday. She doesn't know that.


OHHH.. Yea lets see what happens after she knows.

Is she still seeing the OM, that you know of ?

If not then she just trying to get that connection back with you. Honestly the closest your going to be with someone is during sex. 

If she is still seeing the OM, well she is just cake eating. Which my wife did until she made up her mind.


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## jlc29316 (Feb 28, 2013)

Hardtohandle said:


> OHHH.. Yea lets see what happens after she knows.
> 
> Is she still seeing the OM, that you know of ?
> 
> ...


Its cake eating.


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## Ovid (Oct 11, 2012)

My wife turned cold durring her A. One way I knew something was up. Suddenly durring the middle of her A we had an all night love fest. Then she turned cold again. I found proof of the A acouple weeks later. 

This is one of those areas where there's just no telling. Unfortunately there's a thick fog between here and the land of rainbows and unicorns that make it impossible to see what's going on over there.


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## Jadiel (Oct 10, 2012)

I recall that last summer we had some of the hottest sex we'd had in a few years....she was suddenly an animal. I realize now that many of these nights coincided with possible cheating nights. I'm guessing on several of the occasions, she'd go out with some guy who would get her all hot and wild and then come home to me to finish the job.


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

There was one particularly gruesome thread where the WW would go out, get humped by her AP without protection, come home and get unsuspecting hubby to go down on her.

This can be done deliberately as a kind of sadistic pact between the wayward and the AP as a way of humiliating the husband.

In this case the WW concerned hadn't realised (she claimed) the implications of what she was doing  and just came home all fired up and horny.

I don't recall how the thread ended but they were apparently attempting a reconciliation. Yuck!


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## PastOM (Apr 12, 2013)

Heard the same, only from the dark side. :cussing:

Reading this this thread makes me feel physically sick.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

WyshIknew said:


> There was one particularly gruesome thread where the WW would go out, get humped by her AP without protection, come home and get unsuspecting hubby to go down on her.
> 
> This can be done deliberately as a kind of sadistic pact between the wayward and the AP as a way of humiliating the husband.
> 
> ...


That's the thread where I took a break from TAM. I decided, yes EAs are terrible, but there are things in a PA that can never be compared.


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## C-man (Oct 23, 2012)

Affairs are not about being faithful or monogamous to anybody. It is about selfish desires and cake eating. That is why a WS will sometimes continue to have sex with the BS - maybe even more than before the affair. In a WS mind - the perfect world is to not be discovered. Live the fantasy while having the benefits of a home and possibly family life. When sex decreases, the WS will often blame the BS - saying they're not in love anymore or no longer attracted (while not admitting there is another person in their lives).

If WS had a faithful bone in their bodies, they would not cheat OR they would leave their marriage to be "faithful" with their AP.


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

At the start of the affair (EA) she was horny as hell, then it dropped to almost zero for months.
She had "female issues". 

Yeah, she did "both" the same day. Duty/pity/gaslighting sex. I believe it's unavoidable.


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## LostNSpace (Apr 15, 2013)

My WH and I went on a 2 day anniversary trip and he couldnt keep his hands off of me and consistently has wanted to have sex with me. 

I am pretty sure the OW thinks she is the only one since he has supposedly left me and our marriage is done. Funny how he comes home every night.


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## anonim (Apr 24, 2012)

WyshIknew said:


> There was one particularly gruesome thread where the WW would go out, get humped by her AP without protection, come home and get unsuspecting hubby to go down on her.
> 
> This can be done deliberately as a kind of sadistic pact between the wayward and the AP as a way of humiliating the husband.
> 
> ...


I would be in jail. ugh.


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## EI (Jun 12, 2012)

I'm a former WW, so I'm always a bit reluctant to post on these types of threads. Yet, I think that it's beneficial for all involved to see that there are different perspectives and no particular set rules or patterns to rely on for confirmation regarding whether your spouse is being unfaithful or not. 

During my 15 month EA/PA my husband, B1, who also posts on TAM, and I were not having sex. We weren't really having much sex prior to my EA/PA, either. I had been sleeping on the couch, most nights, for several months.... long before the thought of infidelity ever entered my mind. The fact that our marriage was what has been defined as "sexless" was not of my choosing but his.

I never had to worry about "refusing his advances" during the "A" because there were none...... until 9 days before D-Day. He had begun to get treated for low Testosterone and I assume that is about the time that his sex drive, along with his spidey senses, began kicking in. We were on our way to his cousin's wedding and we were dressed very nicely for the occasion. As we were pulling out of the driveway he reached over and attempted to grope my breast. He and I have been together since we were teenagers. We're 48, now, and I can honestly say that he had NEVER done anything like that before.... It was completely out of character for him and caught me so off guard that I back-handed him. That was out of character for me. 

I believe there are as many different types of cheaters as there are people. Trying to pigeonhole them all into one category for analysis would be unwise. During my "A," I was not telling my spouse that I loved him, nor was I sleeping with him to keep the status quo. In fact, sleeping with him would have been the opposite of the status quo in our marriage. But, the truth is, I would have refused his advances if there had been any. I had suffered enough rejection from him to last a lifetime.... When I turned my attention elsewhere, my heart went along.

I suppose I fell into the category of the cheater who was being faithful to the AP. There was one exception in all of this and it was during an attempted reconciliation, after D-Day # 1, two months into the "A." We attempted to reconcile, I went no contact with the AP, B1 and I had several weeks of hysterical bonding, a couple of MC sessions, and finally massive rug sweeping. After a few weeks the "A" was never mentioned again and our marriage went back to business as usual with no communication, no intimacy, and me retreating back to the couch. 

After about three months I contacted the AP and the "A" resumed for another 10 months. B1 and I, both, handled the aftermath of D-Day # 2 quite differently and we are almost 11 months into reconciliation. There has been no rug sweeping, lots of continued intimacy, lots of communication and we talk about us and "it" everyday. Reconciling our marriage had been the hardest thing we have ever done in our lives......... and the most worthwhile. We have both had to dig deep and own our parts in the train wreck our marriage had disintegrated into long before my "A." We both contributed to that. B1 had to own his part in refusing to work with me on repairing our marriage during the several years that I had begged and pleaded with him to. I had pleaded with him to get help for his depression and low T and he turned a deaf ear. When I became more demanding, he barricaded himself behind a hostile, angry, unapproachable wall. I told him that I could bear it no longer and that I would not wait for love and passion in my life. I simply quit discussing it with him and turned elsewhere. Should I have divorced him first? Yes.... but, the reality is that our financial situation and the needs of our children, including our special needs son, made that impossible at the time. Still, if only I could turn back time. I never intended to hurt B1 and our children the way that I did. I was just trying to find a way to make my own pain stop. I wish I had found another way.


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## Kallan Pavithran (Jan 17, 2012)

WyshIknew said:


> There was one particularly gruesome thread where the WW would go out, get humped by her AP without protection, come home and get unsuspecting hubby to go down on her.
> 
> This can be done deliberately as a kind of sadistic pact between the wayward and the AP as a way of humiliating the husband.
> 
> ...



repeat


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## Kallan Pavithran (Jan 17, 2012)

WyshIknew said:


> There was one particularly gruesome thread where the WW would go out, get humped by her AP without protection, come home and get unsuspecting hubby to go down on her.
> 
> This can be done deliberately as a kind of sadistic pact between the wayward and the AP as a way of humiliating the husband.
> 
> ...



I will not blame her next time when she will do the same, insanity is doing the same thing repeatedly and expecting a different result


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

This post is for completeness.





jlc29316 said:


> Guess who's preg?



So it would appear the reason she tried to have sex with you is to muddy up the water as to who the father of her child is.


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## SomedayDig (Jul 17, 2012)

aug said:


> This post is for completeness.
> 
> 
> 
> ...





SomedayDig said:


> It's called compartmentalization.
> 
> There is no honor among thieves.


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## Chris989 (Jul 3, 2012)

michzz said:


> My disgusting soon to be ex wife did the "husband gets to be the second man of the night without benefit of a rinse out or knowledge of it" thing more times than my stomach wants me to remember.
> 
> I think got off on the secret humiliation of it.
> 
> ...


This happened to me. One particular time sticks in my mind near to the end of her affair - it was the day after the last time she ever had sex with the POSOM as far as I can tell, although at the time I had no inkling of the affair and she didn't know she would have been dumped by the end of the week (long story, linked below).

Anyway, she came in around 1am as normal (been out at her "friend's"). We were snowed in the next day and spent from 10am to about 3pm having sex. I specifically remember that she didn't shower that morning (or the night before) either. I also learned later that, whilst I was trying to dig our SUV out she was on the phone to the OM. Maybe that's why she was so horny but it was typical behaviour if we were both home for us to end up in bed anyway.

She still doesn't see why I have a problem with this; she always contends the sex with the OM was very one sided so she enjoyed it more with me (not sure what to believe there and frankly don't care).

I also remember one particular time perhaps 2 years into her affair that we went through a few months of her constantly pestering me for sex. To the extent that it would make me late for work; she would often do it herself if I didn't have time to do it with her.

God only knows what goes through their effed up minds; it is very telling that she still does not understand my disgust and anger that she would have unprotected sex with 2 men on the same day - one of whom she knew was having sex with at least one other woman.

Our divorce was final in February.

Ho hum. :scratchhead:


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## Ovid (Oct 11, 2012)

jlc29316 said:


> In the midst of an affair? Just curious, and wondering if this is normal. You'd think if they were so involved with this other person they'd stay faithful to them.


They are only being faithful to themselves...

On the same day (A few hours later, and not to my knowledge at the time.) my W sent OM private pictures and told him she didn't think she wanted me anymore because she had fallen for him, I gave it to her for 5 straight hours that night.


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## JustGrinding (Oct 26, 2012)

EI said:


> I believe there are as many different types of cheaters as there are people. Trying to pigeonhole them all into one category for analysis would be unwise.


And yet, they all see to follow the same script, doing the same stupid things, making the same lame excuses, and using the same ridiculous rationalizations for their despicable behavior.

Nobody's pigeonholing anyone here. You climbed into the stoop of your own free will. If it bothers you to be compared to all the other pigeons, you should've found someplace else to roost.


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## The-Deceived (Jan 8, 2013)

My stbxww continued having sex with me during her affair. Gotta maximize the damage by putting the BS at risk for stds!!! Go hard or go home!


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## The-Deceived (Jan 8, 2013)

michzz said:


> My disgusting soon to be ex wife did the "husband gets to be the second man of the night without benefit of a rinse out or knowledge of it" thing more times than my stomach wants me to remember.
> 
> I think got off on the secret humiliation of it.
> 
> ...


I wonder how often that happened to me. YUCK.

And congratulations on your pending divorce, my friend! I'm right there with you.


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## Malpheous (May 3, 2013)

Because the OP mentioned a lawyer I have a caution. 

In NYS, other states it's possible, if you have sex with a partner who you know to have had an affair then it is viewed as your acceptance and that you condoned it. 

What this means is that you cannot file a fault divorce for Adultery. Adultery is hard to prove in a NYS court but very relevant if you're looking at a substantial Spousal Support award.

Also has to be within the past 5 years, you can't have encouraged it or committed adultery yourself either.


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## The-Deceived (Jan 8, 2013)

Malpheous said:


> Because the OP mentioned a lawyer I have a caution.
> 
> In NYS, other states it's possible, if you have sex with a partner who you know to have had an affair then it is viewed as your acceptance and that you condoned it.
> 
> ...


Fault-divorce. What a concept! Sadly it means nothing to most of us. Aren't most States/Provinces no-fault.? What a crock of sh*t!


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## Squeakr (May 1, 2013)

The-Deceived said:


> Fault-divorce. What a concept! Sadly it means nothing to most of us. Aren't most States/Provinces no-fault.? What a crock of sh*t!


So true. At least in my state, which is a no fault state, you can put a reason on there, such as adultery. In that case it affects the cheaters chance to get alimony, and unless you actually say, "I forgive you" that is the only defense to it. You are allowed to have sex right up until the divorce is final without affecting it at all (and I would only want to be involved in that scenario when the A is truly over and the STD tests have come back clean).


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## The-Deceived (Jan 8, 2013)

Squeakr said:


> So true. At least in my state, which is a no fault state, you can put a reason on there, such as adultery. In that case it affects the cheaters chance to get alimony, and unless you actually say, "I forgive you" that is the only defense to it. You are allowed to have sex right up until the divorce is final without affecting it at all (and I would only want to be involved in that scenario when the A is truly over and the STD tests have come back clean).


No-fault States blow my mind. The cheater can completely decimate the vows and null and void the contract of marriage - but the BS is still on the hook for alimony and half of their sh*t.

Sickening.


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## Squeakr (May 1, 2013)

The-Deceived said:


> No-fault States blow my mind. The cheater can completely decimate the vows and null and void the contract of marriage - but the BS is still on the hook for alimony and half of their sh*t.
> 
> Sickening.


I agree (at least I have the option of putting adultery and having alimony denied, it will be in that case by state law). I also have the option of suing for adultery, criminal conversation, and alienation of affection, not just against the spouse, but against the AP as well.

I don't understand states like CA where if so much time has passed and you find out you are not the father, you can still be on the hook for child support if you initially said/ thought you were the father. That is some weird law,


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## The-Deceived (Jan 8, 2013)

Squeakr said:


> I agree (at least I have the option of putting adultery and having alimony denied, it will be in that case by state law). I also have the option of suing for adultery, criminal conversation, and alienation of affection, not just against the spouse, but against the AP as well.
> 
> I don't understand states like CA where if so much time has passed and you find out you are not the father, you can still be on the hook for child support if you initially said/ thought you were the father. That is some weird law,


Sounds like you've got it more fair where you are. Good on ya.


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## Squeakr (May 1, 2013)

The-Deceived said:


> Sounds like you've got it more fair where you are. Good on ya.


It's not fair when you need it. I would rather it be lop-sided and not be on TAM in CWI, than to have it fairer and be here (although I see your point and understand what you mean  ).


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## The-Deceived (Jan 8, 2013)

Squeakr said:


> It's not fair when you need it. I would rather it be lop-sided and not be on TAM in CWI, than to have it fairer and be here (although I see your point and understand what you mean  ).




Agreed.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

In the beginning of her affairs we didn't have much sex, but towards the end of a 13 year adultorus life style, I know better in get mine first from Mrs. the-guy and let the OM's get sloppy seconds.

Sure it was some very unhealthy behavior in taking my wife before she went to her "GNO" but then again what is she going to do....spend the night with a cop filing a rape charge, or spending the night sleeping with a cop, getting drunk and complaing about an abusive husband I *was* and what a selfish lover I was.

It truely was a very abusive marriage, I can remember FWW coming home at 2, 4,6 in the morning and just treating her like ...well it wasn't love or making love thats for sure.

Lets just say I turned her out when I got home from work and turned her out befor I went to work. 

What she did in between, I could'nt care a less as long as I got mine.





Just another unhealth persective from a very unhealthy marriage....so many years ago.

Thank God thing are alot different these day. These day I'm to old to #1 catch FWW much less hold her down and #2 get her jeans off at the same time.

These days its a lot better just being emotionally healthier as individuals and working on our selves so we can both reap the rewards.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

My wife cut me off during her affair. So there was no such problem. Knowing how her mind works, that was probably why, to stop such problems arising.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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