# I feel depressed



## omniferious (Feb 3, 2013)

i found out 3 weeks ago that my fiancee of 2 1/2 years had been cheating on me with some f--kface that she met at her work, a couple of days prior she had said she wanted to move out on her own which set off some alarms in my head so i went through her phone and found all kinds of texts to mr f--kface of an extremely explicit nature about what they had done, i kicked her out that night and am trying to cope as best as i can but the wound she left doesn't seem to be getting any better, i'm hoping somebody here can offer me some advice on how to deal with this because i'm having a very difficult time with it.
additional details: she was my first really serious relationship, i know i still love her but don't know if i'm still in love with her


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## doc_martin (Oct 19, 2012)

omniferious said:


> i found out 3 weeks ago that my fiancee of 2 1/2 years had been cheating on me with some f--kface that she met at her work, a couple of days prior she had said she wanted to move out on her own which set off some alarms in my head so i went through her phone and found all kinds of texts to mr f--kface of an extremely explicit nature about what they had done, i kicked her out that night and am trying to cope as best as i can but the wound she left doesn't seem to be getting any better, i'm hoping somebody here can offer me some advice on how to deal with this because i'm having a very difficult time with it.
> additional details: she was my first really serious relationship, i know i still love her but don't know if i'm still in love with her


Do exactly what you are doing. If you are still in love with her and want t "try", I would look up the 180, and begin that. She must cut all ties to him and become completely transparent to you. Personally, if you are young, and have no kids, I would just call it. You are in for a lifetime of doubt and looking over your shoulder. It just may not be worth it. But only you can decide that for yourself. Sometimes even bad decisions are good when you learn from them...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bryanp (Aug 25, 2011)

You are doing the right thing. It is tough being that this is your first relationship but you dodged a bullet not marrying her. You will hopefully be meeting someone in the future who will truly love and respect you unlike like this girl. It would be a good idea for you to get tested for STD's as well. Good luck.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Before marriage?? Uh keep on going unless you want to be back here 5 years and 2 kids with child support payments later. You sound like a winner in the end. No substitute for time.


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## rrrbbbttt (Apr 6, 2011)

Okay, she was/is your fiance. 

She cheated prior to the marriage, she is not committed to you and still wants to play the field.

If you "R" this betrayal will always be part of your memory of what she has done to you. Not saying you can't get past this with a lot of work on her part but it will always be the ELEPHANT in the room.

The question you will always have is Why did she do this to you? Don't know if you will ever get the answer you want.
This also tells you prior to you marrying her that her character is not what you thought it was.

If you decide to move on you owe her nothing at this time and she owes you everything. 

Marriage is tough enough, why marry someone that you will never fully trust again?


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

bryanp said:


> You are doing the right thing. It is tough being that this is your first relationship but you dodged a bullet not marrying her. You will hopefully be meeting someone in the future who will truly love and respect you unlike like this girl. It would be a good idea for you to get tested for STD's as well. Good luck.


:iagree:

All of the above. But first make the sign of the cross, drop to your knees - even if you are not that religious - and thank whatever deity opened your eyes. Whenever you feel let-down, just remember that this WOULD have happened again - probably when you had kids, a mortgage, a mountain of debt and no way out. 

Take a bit of time to reflect on what you want from life. Work out your stresses out at a gym - go for a daily jog at either the start of the day or the end for at least an hour. You'll be fit and quite a catch for a worthy girl in the not to distant future. It's not the end of the world.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

You were living together? Then in my opinion it was as if she cheated on a husband, not just a boy friend.

How long did the affair last? Was he the only one? What are her intentions toward you, now?

What are your intentions towards her, now?


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

You only found out 3 weeks ago that the woman you intended to marry was cheating on you. 

You are not over the shock of what she has done. You probably do still love her - those feelings do not go away overnight and they amplify the pain you are in.

Since she said she wanted to move out, she was already gone. She was already cheating for who knows how long.

Try to stay occupied. Work out. Go out with friends. Take a vacation. Get away for a while.

Time is the only thing that will heal you now. In a few weeks you will start to feel anger towards her. Then in a couple of months you will start to feel resentment. Then you will start to feel nothing for her but pity. 

You dodged the bullet with her. But then with a 2 1/2 year engagement, one of you already knew that marriage was not for you.


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## Jasel (Jan 8, 2013)

Ugh sorry to hear that. Just keep telling yourself "I dodged a pretty big ****ing bullet" until you believe it.


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## Remains (Jan 24, 2012)

3 weeks, still in a complete mess. Fog. Dazed and confused.
1 month, things become slightly clearer.
3 months, start getting your head round it. Start making some kind of normality, in some way, again. 
6 months, head straighter. I hope you keep away from her, this will be the point at which you are looking forward more instead of back, and inwards.
1 year, moving forward truly positively. And glad you got rid of the crap. And her. I hope.

Please don't go back with her. If she is doing this now there is no hope for a solid and safe and loving marriage. Move on and be thankful you found her out now and not 5 years down the line.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

You sound young. The average male age at first marriage is like 29 in the US.

Heal. Then date again. Go to the mirror and tell yourself you deserve a loyal woman.

Oh and she owes you the ring back.

Edit don't get back with her. Healing takes time tho I know someone who met wife2 about 3 months out and they are 12 years into an very happy marriage. Healing can take 1 month. It can take 3 months. It can take a year. Depends on the person.


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

Omni,

You may not realize it now and it may be hard for you to understand or believe but you just dodged a HUGE bullet on this one!

You're engaged and the two of you are all each other should be able to see. Knowing that she's allowed herself to be soiled numerous times by another man during your engagement would be too much for me to even speak with her again. What (or who) do you think she'd be doing a year or two into the marriage?

Run! Run fast and far from this one and find a woman who will be true to you and love only you!


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## omniferious (Feb 3, 2013)

MattMatt said:


> You were living together? Then in my opinion it was as if she cheated on a husband, not just a boy friend.
> 
> How long did the affair last? Was he the only one? What are her intentions toward you, now?
> 
> What are your intentions towards her, now?


I'm honestly not sure what my feelings toward her now, I still love her but hate what she did, as to her intentions and the details of her affair I honestly don't know, she refuses to talk to me now
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## omniferious (Feb 3, 2013)

Thank you all for your responses so far, this is still a very fresh and deep wound but it gives me hope and comfort to read your words, I know I don't want to get back with her, in spite of how much I still love her I don't think I'm in love with her anymore, I'll try to make regular updates on this thread on the hopes that my experience and the advice on this thread will help others who are going through the same earthshattering betrayal
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Tryingtobreath (Jan 2, 2013)

Run now. 

If it were a drunken ons I can see forgiveness. 

That wasnt the case. She is not committed to getting/being married. 

Run. And I'm sorry.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

omniferious said:


> she refuses to talk to me now
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Perfect! Keep it that way. 

And Omni, I'm not trying to be clever or a wizeass. I mean it sincerely. Keep it that way.


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## committedwife (Dec 12, 2011)

omniferious said:


> Thank you all for your responses so far, this is still a very fresh and deep wound but it gives me hope and comfort to read your words, I know I don't want to get back with her, in spite of how much I still love her I don't think I'm in love with her anymore, I'll try to make regular updates on this thread on the hopes that my experience and the advice on this thread will help others who are going through the same earthshattering betrayal
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


omni, I'm not sure how old you are, but I've got a son in his mid-twenties who is living with his girlfriend, and I love her to death.

Having said that, if he were to come to me with your sitch I would counsel him to move out of their apartment, or move her out. 

Separate to your respective 'corners of the ring'. Spend some time apart and clear your minds to get rid of the living-together clutter you've accumulated. 

Revisit your relationship when you've both had time to cool down. You may find that she wasn't what you had in mind, after all.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Omni stick around. Perspective 1 week 2 weeks 1 month 2 months out showing your healing process are useful guides to show there IS life after betrayal. 

Read the whole thread in my signature. You aren't where he is yet.

BTW generically how old are you? IE mid twenties or whatever.


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## omniferious (Feb 3, 2013)

weightlifter said:


> Omni stick around. Perspective 1 week 2 weeks 1 month 2 months out showing your healing process are useful guides to show there IS life after betrayal.
> 
> Read the whole thread in my signature. You aren't where he is yet.
> 
> BTW generically how old are you? IE mid twenties or whatever.


Early twenties
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## omniferious (Feb 3, 2013)

today is one of the bad days, stuck at home with nothing to do and my mind keeps playing the what if game with me, the initial anger i felt is slowly being replaced by jealousy and a profound sadness the likes of which i've never felt before now, it keeps me up late and wakes me up early, even though i know i'm hungry i don't feel like eating, the thought of her f--king around while i was at work just keeps circling around my head, post on here seems to be pretty cathartic so maybe this will help some


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## Aunt Ava (Jan 24, 2013)

You know there's going to be days like this, it's normal and expected. You need to find something else to focus on, go to the gym and work out, volunteer at the animal shelter. 

Get involved in something, there are lots of volunteer opportunities and its a great way to meet quality people.

Make some new friends, reconnect with old friends. 

Once you start to enjoy your life again you will think of her less and less.


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## Aunt Ava (Jan 24, 2013)

Double post.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Time is your friend. With her out of your life that journey WILL be shorter.

Early twenties. I would be willing to bet everything I have unless you weigh 400 pounds and smell you WILL find love again. You have nothing BUT time. NO I am NOT saying it wont hurt a while.

Count down the days until your going out whoring phase. Meanwhile see above. HIT THE GYM. It gets your mind moving and muscles drastically increase your dating value.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

The fact that she is not talking to you or begging for forgiveness says she moved on long ago. Stay cold on her if she texts you don't reply right away.


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## omniferious (Feb 3, 2013)

it's weird, there are times when i feel almost normal again and then there are times when i feel just as broken as when i first found out what was going on, it's like the worst roller coaster ride in my life, i'm starting to try positive affirmation, looking myself in the mirror every morning and telling myself that i am a good person, i will heal from this, and i will find someone deserving of my affection, not sure how much of an impact it's having yet but i'm going to keep doing it


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Have you exposed to family and friends if not you should.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

So I suppose she just moved in with the F....face? Not that you should really care right now. Text her she has so many days to pick up her sh!t if she doesn't everything is going in the garbage jmo.


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## Aunt Ava (Jan 24, 2013)

You need to start telling your family and friends, you need their support. I am sure they will help you get through this. 
Keep doing the positive affirmations. Add to it "I deserve to be happy" "I deserve good things" "I have a great life". 
My son (about your age) and his long time gf just broke up last week (for other reasons). I tell you this so you know are not alone.


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## omniferious (Feb 3, 2013)

I have exposed it to my family and friends. I know she got her own place somewhere nearby from a friend, whether or not she's living with f--kface is her own business, might be better if she did cause then she'd be forced out of the fantasy. as for her things, they were out of the house 2 days after i kicked her to the curb, she came by with her mother and her mother ended up calling the police to gain entry to the house


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## Rottdad42 (Nov 26, 2012)

O, like many have stated time is def on your side. You are young, that doesn't mean inexperienced. You are getting a taste of the ugly. If you don't workout, do it now. Depression is a b***h. When I got hit with what you are dealing with I was 30. I hit the gym hard, I mean hard. You want a good naturally induced high, do a real good arm routine and then take a 2-mile run. Runners high, you will feel better if not for a couple of hours.

Like others have said, man you dodged a "big bullet" you may not think so. You found out who she is before you have to pay more than you are now and I don't mean financially. You say this is your first serious relationship, this hurts, first one always does. But in time you will see that everything gets' easier. If you are halfway attractive make time for physically healing your body, which in turn will help you cope and heal mentally. I don't expect you to trust me, but I have been where you are, just like the rest of the folks on here.

In essence we are the pro's. Bottom line you will make it, be strong, stay away from the booze and work on healing. One day at a time, goes to a week, which turns to a month etc... BTW, this separates the men from the boys and women from the girls, can't leave the ladies out. IMHO, if you get passed this you can do anything look at it that way. Good luck.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Rottdad42 said:


> O, like many have stated time is def on your side. You are young, that doesn't mean inexperienced. You are getting a taste of the ugly. If you don't workout, do it now. Depression is a b***h. When I got hit with what you are dealing with I was 30. I hit the gym hard, I mean hard. You want a good naturally induced high, do a real good arm routine and then take a 2-mile run. Runners high, you will feel better if not for a couple of hours.
> 
> Like others have said, man you dodged a "big bullet" you may not think so. You found out who she is before you have to pay more than you are now and I don't mean financially. You say this is your first serious relationship, this hurts, first one always does. But in time you will see that everything gets' easier. If you are halfway attractive make time for physically healing your body, which in turn will help you cope and heal mentally. I don't expect you to trust me, but I have been where you are, just like the rest of the folks on here.
> 
> In essence we are the pro's. Bottom line you will make it, be strong, stay away from the booze and work on healing. One day at a time, goes to a week, which turns to a month etc... BTW, this separates the men from the boys and women from the girls, can't leave the ladies out. IMHO, if you get passed this you can do anything look at it that way. Good luck.


:iagree:Better now than after kids and ugly divorce.


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## omniferious (Feb 3, 2013)

It's starting to get a little easier, the loneliness is still there but it's not as poignant. I'm still having alot of trouble sleeping at night but at least I don't wake up 5 times during the night.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Cool. Keep us updated. Heal then replace her. Success is the best revenge.

A poster in one of my threads mentioned Maroon 5.

Don't be the guy in the video "Wont go home without you"


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## omniferious (Feb 3, 2013)

bumped into my x at the gas station a few minutes ago and realized that she's nowhere near as cute as i remember her being.


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## Remains (Jan 24, 2012)

Funny how love gives you rose tinted specs! 

Glad to hear the love is fading and the specs becoming clearer.


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## omniferious (Feb 3, 2013)

I'm feeling alright today, not 100% but better than I have in awhile.


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

omniferious said:


> I'm honestly not sure what my feelings toward her now, I still love her but hate what she did, as to her intentions and the details of her affair I honestly don't know, she refuses to talk to me now
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I think you are the one that should refuse to talk to her.


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## omniferious (Feb 3, 2013)

It's very difficult to find things to keep myself occupied lately. I've started working out but that only fills up so much time.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Painting?
Photography?

You might turn either of those into part time income. I''l try to think up more.


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## omniferious (Feb 3, 2013)

Both good suggestions, I'll have to try those out.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## omniferious (Feb 3, 2013)

JustSomeGuyWho said:


> I think you are the one that should refuse to talk to her.


That's probably true
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

photography is "easier" for most. take a class. Get an SLR. (BTW many airlines have miles for merchandise so you can even get one there) Might make decent side money doing it.

Oft times new photographers can get aspiring models to work for free. I'll answer the question you might be thinking anyway. No most wont go nude for you unless you pay and even then 80% won't. Basically the deal is aspiring model gets her portfolio filled, you do likewise. Try posting at the local comm college or university. Once you get one shoot you can to to sites like modelmayhem (and other) and work your way up the food chain there. Prints and books done at sites like Pictage (and others).

Anyway hope you are able to fill your time.


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## CleanJerkSnatch (Jul 18, 2012)

That is a terrible situation and I am sorry, but you are on the right track. It is all a decision, but the risk of taking her back includes her cheating on you again early or later in your marriage and the time elapsed until you find out might not make this the best decision. She has tainted her mind in your relationship and will always have the knowledge and the excitement of the "forbidden fruit".

Move on, let her go and wish her the best, and for your sake, tis good that you found out early on before marriage. Still hurts but say "phew, close one, I was saved" to yourself.


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## omniferious (Feb 3, 2013)

CleanJerkSnatch said:


> That is a terrible situation and I am sorry, but you are on the right track. It is all a decision, but the risk of taking her back includes her cheating on you again early or later in your marriage and the time elapsed until you find out might not make this the best decision. She has tainted her mind in your relationship and will always have the knowledge and the excitement of the "forbidden fruit".
> 
> Move on, let her go and wish her the best, and for your sake, tis good that you found out early on before marriage. Still hurts but say "phew, close one, I was saved" to yourself.


I tell myself that everyday, and it does still hurt alot. This has been by far the most painful experience of my life but I'm slowly recovering. I will not be taking her back specifically because what she did broke the trust we had in a way that can never be fixed.


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## omniferious (Feb 3, 2013)

Aunt Ava said:


> You need to start telling your family and friends, you need their support. I am sure they will help you get through this.
> Keep doing the positive affirmations. Add to it "I deserve to be happy" "I deserve good things" "I have a great life".
> My son (about your age) and his long time gf just broke up last week (for other reasons). I tell you this so you know are not alone.


it definitely helps, so thank you for telling me. posting on here and reading all the responses and advice of people who have experience with situations like this is helping me slowly get back to normal.


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## omniferious (Feb 3, 2013)

JustSomeGuyWho said:


> I think you are the one that should refuse to talk to her.


that's probably true, it's difficult because I still want some kind of reason for all of this happening.


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## staystrong (Sep 15, 2012)

omniferious said:


> that's probably true, it's difficult because I still want some kind of reason for all of this happening.


This is one the hardest parts: trying to figure out Why?

It can be a whole complex of factors, but what it comes down to it is that your fiance chose to be selfish. She let her walls down and let a office romance escalate. Biologically we're all prone to attraction, but we have to guard against it if we're committed to someone else. She stopped being committed to you. It hurts, but like others have said - you dodged a cannonball. Trust us on that one. 

Treat her like a traitor. Let it sink in for her that she sucks. Let her see you moving on.


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## omniferious (Feb 3, 2013)

staystrong said:


> This is one the hardest parts: trying to figure out Why?
> 
> It can be a whole complex of factors, but what it comes down to it is that your fiance chose to be selfish. She let her walls down and let a office romance escalate. Biologically we're all prone to attraction, but we have to guard against it if we're committed to someone else. She stopped being committed to you. It hurts, but like others have said - you dodged a cannonball. Trust us on that one.
> 
> Treat her like a traitor. Let it sink in for her that she sucks. Let her see you moving on.


I don't think it will sink in for her, so I'm stuck here dealing with all this **** while she just goes along her merry way doing whatever the **** she wants.


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

omniferious said:


> i found out 3 weeks ago that my fiancee of 2 1/2 years had been cheating on me with some f--kface that she met at her work, a couple of days prior she had said she wanted to move out on her own which set off some alarms in my head so i went through her phone and found all kinds of texts to mr f--kface of an extremely explicit nature about what they had done, i kicked her out that night and am trying to cope as best as i can but the wound she left doesn't seem to be getting any better, i'm hoping somebody here can offer me some advice on how to deal with this because i'm having a very difficult time with it.
> additional details: she was my first really serious relationship, i know i still love her but don't know if i'm still in love with her


Same thing happened to me with my 5 year LTGF. We weren't shacked up and there was actually more than one guy involved. You handled it exactly right. I actually started with tears and forgiveness, then stopped myself and split. I saw her once a couple years later in court when I testified for her. That was the last time I saw her. 

It's been exactly 30 years tomorrow (V day) and I still think about her a couple of times a week, but I'm very happy with the outcome. My wife is a much better person and the kids we produced were genius IQ. That would not have happened with XGF.

The best antidote to this is get out there and set up a soft harem of fun, good looking women.


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## omniferious (Feb 3, 2013)

Machiavelli said:


> Same thing happened to me with my 5 year LTGF. We weren't shacked up and there was actually more than one guy involved. You handled it exactly right. I actually started with tears and forgiveness, then stopped myself and split. I saw her once a couple years later in court when I testified for her. That was the last time I saw her.
> 
> It's been exactly 30 years tomorrow (V day) and I still think about her a couple of times a week, but I'm very happy with the outcome. My wife is a much better person and the kids we produced were genius IQ. That would not have happened with XGF.
> 
> The best antidote to this is get out there and set up a soft harem of fun, good looking women.


I've started doing just that, I forgot how much fun dating can be
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## omniferious (Feb 3, 2013)

The bad days are getting less frequent, I still have that gut wrenching loneliness sometimes but it's not as bad as it was. It's hard to believe that it's been more than a month since I found out what was going on.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

omniferious said:


> I don't think it will sink in for her, so I'm stuck here dealing with all this **** while she just goes along her merry way doing whatever the **** she wants.


If it doesn't get to her, wht does that say about her. She isn't normal anyway. She will cheat again but it won't be with you. She has a 3 out of 100 chance of having a long term relationship with cheater boy. Why? Because they will always have doubts about each other.

Work out, weightlifting has the most immediate benifits on your body and the women.

New haircut

New clothes, always dress well

New hobbies you have put off

New places to hang out 

New friends

Great new attitude from a near escape from a horrible witch


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## omniferious (Feb 3, 2013)

Decided to take a vacation, it's nice to get out of my routine and away from everything familiar.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## omniferious (Feb 3, 2013)

it's really strange doing things on my own again, sad but freeing at the same time
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## omniferious (Feb 3, 2013)

got back from vacation tonight, I think it's exactly what i needed because I am seeing things alot more clearly than I did a week ago.


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## spudster (Jan 11, 2012)

omniferious said:


> got back from vacation tonight, I think it's exactly what i needed because I am seeing things alot more clearly than I did a week ago.


Good. Now that you have some clarity, what are your short term goals?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## spudster (Jan 11, 2012)

If there is some consolation in this, your XGF has set a very poor precedent for herself. If she does not face what she has done she is doomed to a future of the same repetitive cheating behavior. You dodged a bullet Omni. 

Sounds like her mother is a piece of work. Wouldn't be surprised if your XGF learned a lot of her wayward behaviors from her mom.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

spudster said:


> You dodged a bullet Omni.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


True that. 

Omni keep us updated. Add your insights to other people behind you. Your perspectives are valuable to those just learning of betrayal.

Next one is the random poon post where you tell us your ego is better. LOL

In the future after that. "I met this girl. And we just clicked..."


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## omniferious (Feb 3, 2013)

spudster said:


> Good. Now that you have some clarity, what are your short term goals?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Short term I want to get into school, that's one of the many things I put on hold when I moved in with the x
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## omniferious (Feb 3, 2013)

spudster said:


> If there is some consolation in this, your XGF has set a very poor precedent for herself. If she does not face what she has done she is doomed to a future of the same repetitive cheating behavior. You dodged a bullet Omni.
> 
> Sounds like her mother is a piece of work. Wouldn't be surprised if your XGF learned a lot of her wayward behaviors from her mom.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It is some consolation.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## omniferious (Feb 3, 2013)

weightlifter said:


> True that.
> 
> Omni keep us updated. Add your insights to other people behind you. Your perspectives are valuable to those just learning of betrayal.
> 
> ...


Haha don't know how well we actually clicked but I did meet a nice girl. The only problem is that I think she wants something long term and I'm nowhere near ready for that yet.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## BobSimmons (Mar 2, 2013)

omniferious said:


> Haha don't know how well we actually clicked but I did meet a nice girl. The only problem is that I think she wants something long term and I'm nowhere near ready for that yet.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


As long as you are truthful about your feelings then take it slow with her. Don't keep beating yourself up. You are allowed to smile and fun again


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## nevergveup (Feb 18, 2013)

I'm glad your doing better.Look at the bright side.Your much luckier
than some other cheaters other half,your not married,have no kids with her and you found out the real her early on.

Many members don't find out about the cheating until kids and 
10 or 20 yrs have gone bye.Your lucky enough to have a clean
uncomplicated break.You have sadness,but imagine the pain so
many TOM members must be feeling after a big part of there life is
a lie.I admire there strength and think of them.


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## omniferious (Feb 3, 2013)

BobSimmons said:


> You are allowed to smile and fun again


I'm definitely smiling more.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## omniferious (Feb 3, 2013)

nevergveup said:


> I'm glad your doing better.Look at the bright side.Your much luckier
> than some other cheaters other half,your not married,have no kids with her and you found out the real her early on.
> 
> Many members don't find out about the cheating until kids and
> ...


I think about that alot, I hate that I misjudged her character for so long.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## omniferious (Feb 3, 2013)

Having a bad day today, I can't seem to cheer up no matter what I do.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

You will have those. They will space further and further out as time goes.


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

omniferious said:


> Having a bad day today, I can't seem to cheer up no matter what I do.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


We all have days like that sooner or latter. Life just gets you down sometimes.

You'll feel better in a couple of days.


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## omniferious (Feb 3, 2013)

Another sleepless night, I thought I'd be past this by now.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## southernsurf (Feb 22, 2013)

it will take time - possibly up to a year, but don't cave in - stick to the new life and tomorrow will be better than today. Don't look back and really don't worry about the bad days its ok.


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

Omni

You sound much better than a month ago.

I had a cheating fiance many years ago.

Do not dwell on her , she is not worthy of anymore time in your head.

Get your education. Focus on yourself.

Be honest and forthright with any new women in your life.

Finish what you set out to do.

HM64


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## omniferious (Feb 3, 2013)

happyman64 said:


> Omni
> 
> You sound much better than a month ago.
> 
> ...


I know she's not, right now it seems almost impossible not to think about her though. I don't really miss her, it's the companionship that I miss.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## omniferious (Feb 3, 2013)

southernsurf said:


> it will take time - possibly up to a year, but don't cave in - stick to the new life and tomorrow will be better than today. Don't look back and really don't worry about the bad days its ok.


Thank you, I try to tell myself that it will be ok everyday but it definitely helps to have other people say it too.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

You will be ok. As time goes on the bad days will get to be fewer and fewer. The good days will become the norm. then one day you will realize that it's been a long time since you thought about her and you just don't care anymore. 

Keep active. That's the key.


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## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

I take an OTC sleep aid occasionally. 

Being a bit drowsy in the AM sure beats getting no sleep, IMO
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Oh yea, you might benefit from a sleep aid. I use Melatonin. You can find it in the drug store suppliments section. It really helps.


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## omniferious (Feb 3, 2013)

It's weird the things that make me sad lately, I was at the dentist and remembered the time my x broke her tooth and I had to call up my dentist at midnight to have him pull it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## verpin zal (Feb 23, 2013)

Triggers may come in as even the tiniest / unnecessary words or gestures. Keep your shields up, don't let any Klingons in.


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## omniferious (Feb 3, 2013)

verpin zal said:


> Triggers may come in as even the tiniest / unnecessary words or gestures. Keep your shields up, don't let any Klingons in.


I've noticed that, it certainly didn't help that the dentist office was playing sappy love songs the entire time that I was there.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Go to the mirror now and smile.

The future Mrs Omniferous IS OUT THERE. Think about how wonderful it will be when you first truly make love to her rather than just sex. It will take time but you are young. TAM has made you MUCH MUCH stronger and quite possibly more likely to choose wisely...

start singing Tiiiiiimmmme is on my side... yes it is...


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## omniferious (Feb 3, 2013)

Can't sleep again so I'm sitting here 6 beers deep reminiscing
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ironman (Feb 6, 2013)

omniferious said:


> Can't sleep again so I'm sitting here 6 beers deep reminiscing
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Best cure for all this loneliness crap is getting laid with a new girlfriend. Every time I had my heart broken I went out and found a new gal. Before I knew it I'd be happy and wouldn't even think about the old gf. You should do the same. (Just make sure they're not already married, ahem)

Go get'em tiger!


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## Jasel (Jan 8, 2013)

You could try benadryll. Problem is it leaves you drowsy in the morning.



EleGirl said:


> Oh yea, you might benefit from a sleep aid. I use Melatonin. You can find it in the drug store suppliments section. It really helps.


Ugh I can't do melatonin. I always have nightmares when I take it.


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

Omni,

Keep telling yourself what a HUGE bullet you dodged here! 

etter days are ahead! It will take time!


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## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

Jasel said:


> You could try benadryll. Problem is it leaves you drowsy in the morning.
> 
> 
> 
> Ugh I can't do melatonin. I always have nightmares when I take it.


I use WalMart's store brand: "Equate - Sleep Aid".

Same sleep-inducing ingredient as in Tylenol/Advil PM (without the other stuff) and I'm not drowsy in the AM.


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## omniferious (Feb 3, 2013)

well, last night I got served papers for legal proceedings pertaining to a collection on a power bill me and my x had, fortunately for me I was never a co-owner of the account, just a registered user, so I'm gonna provide them with her employers information and let them deal with her.


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## CleanJerkSnatch (Jul 18, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> Oh yea, you might benefit from a sleep aid. I use Melatonin. You can find it in the drug store suppliments section. It really helps.


This is the best choice. Stay away from the patented chemicals.

Work out, get plenty of testosterone boosting foods in you like garlic, onions, eggs, lean meat, omega 3, and plenty of vitamin c to combat cortisol, the stress hormone. Before you go to bed let your mind run for 20 minutes, write things in a journal if you have to then be done with it and relax your mind and save the thinking for tomorrow. You'll be sleeping well with a little practice..


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

Make her sign a receipt for the bill when you mail it to her so you know she got it.


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## omniferious (Feb 3, 2013)

ironman said:


> Best cure for all this loneliness crap is getting laid with a new girlfriend. Every time I had my heart broken I went out and found a new gal. Before I knew it I'd be happy and wouldn't even think about the old gf. You should do the same. (Just make sure they're not already married, ahem)
> 
> Go get'em tiger!


working on that, not a whole lot of luck so far though.


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## omniferious (Feb 3, 2013)

weightlifter said:


> Go to the mirror now and smile.
> 
> The future Mrs Omniferous IS OUT THERE. Think about how wonderful it will be when you first truly make love to her rather than just sex. It will take time but you are young. TAM has made you MUCH MUCH stronger and quite possibly more likely to choose wisely...
> 
> start singing Tiiiiiimmmme is on my side... yes it is...


TAM has definitely given me alot of perspective about what happened, and it helps to know that other people have made it through this.


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## BobSimmons (Mar 2, 2013)

Revenge is a dish best served cold. You know how to get revenge? 

Live your life to the fullest!

It's cliche yes but why not? Why let someone who dragged your soul through dirt, still have such a strong hold over you?

She was your first love and she blew it. Forget her. She's gone. It may not be now but in time it is inevitable you will meet someone else, form a bond, learn to trust again, and when that person gives you back that love and respect, how sweet will that be!!?

Man, heartache sucks, but it's always us pining for the other person. It oscillates between feeling sorry for ourselves and wishing them back to anger and wanting penance for the wrongs they did to us.

She doesn't get to matter, she gave that right away when she did the dirty. YOU matter! You be selfish for a couple of days, go and spoil yourself, go and have fun, allow yourself to smile again.

She doesn't deserve the influence, the power over you, don't you think? Time to end it.


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## omniferious (Feb 3, 2013)

BobSimmons said:


> Revenge is a dish best served cold. You know how to get revenge?
> 
> Live your life to the fullest!
> 
> ...


I know she doesn't deserve any influence over me anymore and I'm working on making myself successful and finding someone new. Unfortunately I do still have bad days and alot of sleepless nights but that's slowly getting better and I can't wait till I can honestly say that I've completely moved on. I want to thank you for posting this, it sounds like it's probably from personal experience and that you are in a very good place now. TAM has been a huge source of strength and inspiration to me while I've been dealing with all this.


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## omniferious (Feb 3, 2013)

I had hoped that after more than 2 months I'd be feeling much better than I am. I've been trying to get out of the house as much as possible and meet new people, met a couple good girls and a couple crazy ones but I still feel lonely almost constantly.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Keep pushing. 

Be careful about coming across as needy. You deserve better than to take up with a cheater.


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## rrrbbbttt (Apr 6, 2011)

Also, get some physical activity, it does help.


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## omniferious (Feb 3, 2013)

weightlifter said:


> Keep pushing.
> 
> Be careful about coming across as needy. You deserve better than to take up with a cheater.


That's definitely something I never want to experience again.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## omniferious (Feb 3, 2013)

rrrbbbttt said:


> Also, get some physical activity, it does help.


Yeah I've been trying to hit the gym a few times a week.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Ovid (Oct 11, 2012)

Buy some weights, and lift every time that feeling hits.

You'll either work it off, or you'll wind up sleeping from exhaustion. Either way you win. The added muscle won't hurt you.


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## omniferious (Feb 3, 2013)

Random club hookups are such a great ego booster.


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## BobSimmons (Mar 2, 2013)

omniferious said:


> Random club hookups are such a great ego booster.


Maybe but they show that 
a) You can go to a club, someone finds you attractive, do the whole flirting thing..
b) Close the deal

short term fix but it does show there is life after the pain..


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

BobSimmons said:


> Maybe but they show that
> a) You can go to a club, someone finds you attractive, do the whole flirting thing..
> b) Close the deal
> 
> short term fix but it does show there is life after the pain..


Exactly.

Plus ... getting shot down at the club doesn't help with the ego either.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

omniferious said:


> Random club hookups are such a great ego booster.


Omni got some?


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## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

JustSomeGuyWho said:


> Plus ... getting shot down at the club doesn't help with the ego either.


An inexperienced person can look at it like a salesman:

Every "no" is just another step closer to a "yes".
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## cledus_snow (Feb 19, 2012)

at least you found out before you got married. you should NEVER settle..... you owe yourself at least that much. 

it's gonna take time, dude. two months ain't sh1t. this is gonna take years. this is a very traumatic event in your life. not an easy thing to get over.


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## omniferious (Feb 3, 2013)

weightlifter said:


> Omni got some?


Yup, had a big smile on my face the next day.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Perhaps a turning point. Not a cure but with the ego fixed or partly so the heart is easier to concentrate on fixing.


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## omniferious (Feb 3, 2013)

It's been a few days since I've posted on here, I've been feeling much happier lately so I guess it's true that time heals all wounds.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

Hang in there, my friend
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

LOL once again the "script after" holds true.

Random poon. Superglue for the ego. Once the ego is better the heart will follow.

You took longer than average tho


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Any update Omni?


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