# permission for freedom



## isha (Sep 1, 2007)

Hi everyone,
I have known my husband now for 11 years and have been married for 4 years. We moved to United States right after marriage. He says he loves me dearly, but after knowing me now for 11 years there is nothing new. He wants to know what it feels like to date American Woman. He says he has no intentions of sleeping(sex) with anyone but just wants to go out there and have an adventure. He says that he has been feeling this way for sometime, and feels that he had to let me know about this and does not know what to do with these supressed feelings. He is only 31 years old as old as I am, and says the more he tries to supress these feelings the more they bother him. We have no kids at this time. I had initially said yes, and he made 3 girlfriends with whom he went out for cofee or dinner, but I cant seem to accept not being the only woman in his life. I told him to stop, and he did, but now it is not the same anymore. I told him I will move out and live in a studio and he can do his experiments and when this phase of his life is over, if I will be able to accept him, he can come back. If I will not be able to accept it I will not. He agreed and this November2007 we have planned to seperate. I am almost passing each day like hell. I feel a deep pity for myself and I know I will never be able to accept him backand I dont think I want him to feel at 50 years that I did not let him do something that he so desperately wanted to. Please anyone who has any experience in this regards advice me what to do. It is still 2 months left for November to come.
Sincerely,................Isha


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## mamab (Jun 29, 2007)

I don't have any experiences like this, but I'd say he needs to make a choice - either you or his freedom, he can't have it both ways. You didn't say where you came from, and I wonder if his desire to date American women is because of the culture you came from. If it is, he might find that it's not at all like he envisions it.


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## steelcurtain (Aug 25, 2007)

Grass isnt always greener.................

:iagree:


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## SageMother (Jun 28, 2007)

I have to tell you, reading this made my blood boil. How dare he!

You can make him choose, it is your right, but if he chooses to follow this desire, are you set up to support yourself? In your shoes, I would make plans so that I could deal with this from a position of strength and not dependency.

You could also give him permission with the condition that you get to date also. Ether way, your marriage as you had known it, has a huge likelihood of ending.


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## Thewife (Sep 3, 2007)

isha,
I m sorry for what you are going through. It must be damn hard for u to have said "yes" to him. I dont know what made u say that. If I were u, I would tell him "fine and I will do the same". I cant believe You said that u will be waiting for him until he finishes with his experimenting, you will go mad by the time I guess! 

Well, if u r the kinda couples who give each other such freedoms from the start then there's nothing much to be said. I m truely concerned for you. Think what you want, how do u expect him to be and tell him that. If he has his freedom to express his fantasy or feeling, so do u. 

Stay strong and think logically. 

The wife


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## isha (Sep 1, 2007)

Thewife said:


> isha,
> I m sorry for what you are going through. It must be damn hard for u to have said "yes" to him. I dont know what made u say that. If I were u, I would tell him "fine and I will do the same". I cant believe You said that u will be waiting for him until he finishes with his experimenting, you will go mad by the time I guess!
> 
> Well, if u r the kinda couples who give each other such freedoms from the start then there's nothing much to be said. I m truely concerned for you. Think what you want, how do u expect him to be and tell him that. If he has his freedom to express his fantasy or feeling, so do u.
> ...


He does not mind me doing the same thing, I said yes because with each passing day I could feel him being pulled away from me because of the suffocation he was feeling.......He used to love me soooooooo much and probably still does, I know he has never flirted or spent time with any other woman besides me before all this started, but it is because of this that he became so curious of women specially american women.........I did not say that I will wait, I told him I may not be there when he comes back.......Thanks for your help anyway..........I will see what God and time hasin store for both of us.


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## Thewife (Sep 3, 2007)

isha said:


> I did not say that I will wait, I told him I may not be there when he comes back
> 
> sorry for misreading your previsous post. Now i see your problem better. You said the right thing and did the right thing given your circumstances. Its a very difficult issue as both of you love each other very much (I assume you love him too much)
> 
> ...


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## tater03 (Jun 29, 2007)

I understand what you are saying but I am a little curious as to why in November. I mean I don't think that it can be of any help to know that this is coming. I hope that in the end it all works out the way you want it to.


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## Doubt&Wonder (Oct 29, 2007)

Freedom comes with a PRICE..... and its name is DIVORCE!


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

Doubt&Wonder said:


> Freedom comes with a PRICE..... and its name is DIVORCE!



Straight to the point, I like that. 

Welcome to the forums Doubt&Wonder.

I haven't seen Isha here since she first started posting.

draconis


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## fire_vogel (Oct 29, 2007)

draconis said:


> Straight to the point, I like that.
> 
> Welcome to the forums Doubt&Wonder.
> 
> ...


hmm, well let's hope that things got better for her.


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## riskey58 (Oct 30, 2007)

I am sorry there is no way that i would agree to anything like this. I would tell him you make the choice you can't have both.


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

riskey58 said:


> I am sorry there is no way that i would agree to anything like this. I would tell him you make the choice you can't have both.


I think that everyone on the forum felt that way too.

draconis


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