# Need Serious Help



## Twisted (Aug 2, 2009)

Well to start off im new here and im here for a reason. I have been married for 7yrs now and like any other marriage we have had our ups and down. My wife and I had a fight on Fathers day because i wanted to go race my car vs. spend time with the family ( i know big mistake ). Ever since then everything has gone down hill bad. She had gone to a military school for 2 weeks and cameback a totally different person which really scared the hell out of me. Before she had left things seemed to be getting alittle better but when she camback she was totally different and seemed stand offish, example, when she came home i was not greeted with a hug or a i missed you, this really hurt me. Well when i was putting her dirty laundry away i noticed that she got a new pair of underwear and i asked her about them and she snapped at me saying why are you looking threw my stuff, this really hurt me and sent up numerous red flags. I told her that she was wrong for snapping at me like that and i just wanted to tell her that i thought they were great looking underwear. Well then i proceed to ask her what is wrong, so she tells me that she had desenitized herself and she thinks we should seperate, thinking that i thought it was getting better this really broke my heart and put me in a panic mode to save my marriage. 

Alittle past now...Yes i admitted that i have screwed things up in my marriage and have told her that i realized this, but i fear it might be to late...i have told her numerous time that i would change my ways, and i do just not long term which is why im here now, and it would get better but go right back to the way it was...

I want to change myself to be more responible for my marriage so i can prove to her that i can change and i want to. i want to go to counsiling whether she goes with or without im still planning on going because i know i have to change.

it is pretty sad when your almost 30 and you look back on your marriage and say , what the hell was i doing i really screwed this up.

needless to say we are still under the same roof but nowhere near recovery of the marriage and as it sits right now it doesnt seem like she is participating in the resolution of our problems which is fine with me because im the problem and i need to fix it...

Just need to know if what im doing and how im going about it is the right way...I really need the help

Thanks in advance


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

well, i think she may have cheated on you at her military camp. 
but aside from that, what is it that you did wrong? why do you think its all you? what are you doing to fix things?


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Twisted said:


> but when she camback she was totally different and seemed stand offish, example, when she came home i was not greeted with a hug or a i missed you, this really hurt me. Well when i was putting her dirty laundry away i noticed that she got a new pair of underwear and i asked her about them and she snapped at me saying why are you looking threw my stuff, this really hurt me and sent up numerous red flags.


I hate to say it, but you are probably dealing with another person in the picture now. Those of us who have endured a spouse cheating know this behavior/reaction is typical. When a spouse is unfaithful most of them will become distant. 



Twisted said:


> Alittle past now...Yes i admitted that i have screwed things up in my marriage and have told her that i realized this, but i fear it might be to late...


What have you done? Sounds like there is more to this story. 

It is never too late to make changes. Counseling is an excellent place to start. Go alone if you have to. Also, you may want to read "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman. It will really help you to see what your wife must have to feel love--and what you must have in return to feel love.


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## Twisted (Aug 2, 2009)

Twice over the 7 years i have messed around on the interent but never made anything phyiscal or visual i just typed crap to get what i wanted. She found out and it really hurt her, i also never tried to fix our problems since everytime she got mad she got over it pretty quick, not the same in this situation. I had asked her if she cheated on me while she was there and she said no but i have done the typical sneeking around and went through her phone and found some stuff that i would like to question her about but i cant. I cant because i do want to save this marriage and i dont want to stoop to her level, see awhile back she hacked my email and found out the i went on to a personals website and i told her that yes it was for the pic i havent been on that site since i made the account and that was 2 yrs ago. Anyways i want to talk to her tonight about what is really bothering me but i feel the worst will happen when i try to confront her about what i found on her phone. Most likely i will just ask her straight out again if her interest are with someone else. Although i have never worried about her cheating before since i knew she would nor could do it before, now i dont trust her or believe anything she says but i love her and want the marriage to stay together for the kids. To pretty much sum up the past, i realized that i never took the time to see what i was doing to her and it finally hit the breaking point, or atleast that is what she tells me but like i said i dont believe her, i cant believer her..


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## Twisted (Aug 2, 2009)

Blanca said:


> well, i think she may have cheated on you at her military camp.
> but aside from that, what is it that you did wrong? why do you think its all you? what are you doing to fix things?


I am doing everything i can to change the way i used to be, i mean im 28 and i was still acting like a teenager. This is what im changing, im taking responsiblity for what i have done to her and i want to change the outcome that i fear is ahead. Im looking for a counslor to help us out but im not to sure she wants it to work out, something else i will ask her tonight...

Thanks again for the feedback hope to hear more


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## Twisted (Aug 2, 2009)

Oh what i didnt tell you is that the next nite after she got back we did have sex and i asked her the next day why she let go on and she said that she is not going to tourture herself...and friday mornign she gave me a kiss and told me that she loves me ( she has said that a couple of times ). Im so confused i dont know what to feel about the situation but im still going to change and make a better life for me

thanks for listening to me vent


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