# Threesome didnt help



## ColdSexyFeet (Nov 28, 2021)

My husband and I have been together for 4 years now and he hasn't been sexual or affectionate for the last year and a half. We have a mutual friend that I know he has a attraction to .. I've called it a infatuation in the past a few times. I ended up having a threesome with him and her and actually let him have sex with her ( our past threesomes that wasn't allowed it was supposed to be saved for him and I only ..afterwards) it wasn't for long and he didn't climax but I had hoped he got it out of his system and we could now move on past this. Since thus happened though he still hasn't touched me. We had a long talk about me needing to feel something from him and he was supposed to show me different actions to prove his love was for only me, but still nothing. I recently saw messages between him and this friend of ours. She was on her way to our house to spend the night and he started the messages by asking her to please come over and have some sexy fun and actually progressed to saying he didn't know what to do about me anymore and maybe he should get his own place. I confronted him about these messages and he deleted FB and messenger and promised no more contact with her without me knowing all about it. I do truly believe he hasn't had contact but I'm still disturbed and all screwed up about the while situation. He swears he loves me and I'm his world but I don't see this in any of his actions. I know i deserve better than this and I'm a beautiful woman who still has men flirt with me and hit on me. I just really want him but I have to feel wanted and needed and right now I feel used and cheated. Oh yah did I happen to mention thus woman is 16 years younger than us .. Definitely doesn't help with my insecurities and already low self esteem. I need advice of any kind to help me figure out where to go from here


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## Hoosier (May 17, 2011)

So you had a threesome with your husband and another woman, and it didnt help. I'm shocked.


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## ColdSexyFeet (Nov 28, 2021)

I get not all couples are open to this sort if thing ..we have done this in the past and everything worked out fine


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

You need to combine your threads. Neither thread includes all the info you have posted. Why parcel out the info?


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

It sounds to me that there are serious deeper issues with the relationship and this threesome was just a band-aid to try to fix things - obviously it backfired. I think you'll need marriage counseling to make any progress towards fixing the underlying issues, whatever they are. However, it may also lead to ending your relationship. Either way, I think it would be better than the uncertainty.

As an aside, I think threesomes, etc., are great in whatever combination when the relationship is truly solid. They can't fix a problematical relationship and will probably make things worse.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

ColdSexyFeet said:


> Definitely doesn't help with my insecurities and already low self esteem. I need advice of any kind to help me figure out where to go from here


Best answer: 

Your husband does not desire you, that is clear.

You say you are still attractive, start with that, alone, and divorced.

What will become clear is that a good man will find you attractive and will frequently take you to bed.

Your insecurities will disappear, that problem solved.,

....................................................................

2nd answer:

Find yourself a compatible FWB, a friend with benefits, see him/her on the side.

This answer will see him doing the same, with both of you soon divorced.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

These threesomes are just a way for him to shop for your replacement without first leaving you. Wise up. 

Why do you think your husband wants to stay with you even though he can't get it up for you anymore? Is it financial? Are you his maid and servant? Are you so beautiful he just wants people to think everything is hunky dory with you and envy him? What is it?


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## Tdbo (Sep 8, 2019)

ColdSexyFeet said:


> I get not all couples are open to this sort if thing ..we have done this in the past and everything worked out fine


I would have to respectably disagree.
When one is having problems with their spouse being affectionate to them, it seems somewhat counterproductive to hook them up with a "Competitor."
The boy is probably somewhat confused.
You apparently have some competition if they were (or still are) messaging each other independent of you.
Best for you to get your s**t shorted, put your big girl pants on, dust off your "A" game, and get back into the game.
Then get some therapy for each of you, as well as a marriage counselor for both of you.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

ColdSexyFeet said:


> I get not all couples are open to this sort if thing ..we have done this in the past and everything worked out fine


I AM open to this sort of thing - but the supreme caveat here is any kind of consensual nonmonogamy can only work when the couple is in a good place and all systems are working fine without any issues with connection, desire, sexual compatibility, communication, mutual respect etc etc

Bringing a 3rd party into the marital bed if there are any issues with connection or sexual desire and compatibility is like throwing a keg of gunpowder into a fire. 

Nonmonogamy is like wind on a fire. If the flame is well seated and burning strong, a wind will make it burn hotter and more intensely. 

But if the flame is weak and flickering, it will snuff it out. 

You have some basic and significant problems in the very foundation of your relationship. You need to address and correct those before even considering bringing other people into your bed.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Enabling a situation where your husband had sex with another is never going to help with any of your issues. 
It's like dropping a bomb on an already bombed out building. 
I can't see that you have anything left worth saving.


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## ColdSexyFeet (Nov 28, 2021)

Blondilocks said:


> You need to combine your threads. Neither thread includes all the info you have posted. Why parcel out the info?


I honestly don't know exactly what I'm doing on here yet just going through alot of BS in my relationship and looking for advice


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## DudeInProgress (Jun 10, 2019)

ColdSexyFeet said:


> I get not all couples are open to this sort if thing ..we have done this in the past and everything worked out fine


Until it didn’t


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

ColdSexyFeet said:


> I honestly don't know exactly what I'm doing on here yet just going through alot of BS in my relationship and looking for advice


It's good to sometimes to throw things out and chat, or vent, to gain differing perspectives.

Use what helps, throw out the rest.


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## Benbutton (Oct 3, 2019)

ColdSexyFeet said:


> I get not all couples are open to this sort if thing ..we have done this in the past and everything worked out fine


Yes but in your own words the past threesomes didn't involve him having sex as it was reserved for you with him. This time it was different on top of having other problems in the marriage. You allowed it to happen and now there is no trust or intimacy in the marriage - two significant problems. Only counseling may be able to address these issues and only if both of you are willing.


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## Galabar01 (Mar 20, 2019)

I vote that this be made a sticky. Just the title, "Threesome didnt help," will be useful to people...


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

A threesome is a way to cheat without “cheating.” It’s a way to open the marriage so the person making the request can have relationships outside the marriage. If those go well, they’re gone. 

When threesome request is made, the marriage is over.

Divorce while you’re still beautiful. He’s already gone, your marriage is Weekend at Bernie’s right now. The other woman can snap her young fingers and he will be gone.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

i can understand your confusion.
you THOUGHT he would be turned on by a threesome, and your enthusiastic support. 
now you find he wants to write you out of the script!

what went wrong is that threesomes really are for people who are either NOT MARRIED, or who have a VERY STABLE marriage...so stable that having sex with others does not rock the foundation of the marriage, nor lead to secrets/jealousy, etc.

well, the toothpaste is out of the tube, and you are not getting it back in. 
how about restarting with some written ground rules. i am not an expert in such things, maybe someone here can help. but no secrets, no long term relationships (i.e. four then its done sort of thing, so you do not "fall in love", and so on. 

you can not really fault your husband, because the two of you should have forged the rules of the road before you had the threesome. so do a little catch up, and hopefully it will be all good now.


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

ColdSexyFeet said:


> My husband and I have been together for 4 years now and he hasn't been sexual or affectionate for the last year and a half. We have a mutual friend that I know he has a attraction to .. I've called it a infatuation in the past a few times. I ended up having a threesome with him and her and actually let him have sex with her ( our past threesomes that wasn't allowed it was supposed to be saved for him and I only ..afterwards) it wasn't for long and he didn't climax but I had hoped he got it out of his system and we could now move on past this. Since thus happened though he still hasn't touched me. We had a long talk about me needing to feel something from him and he was supposed to show me different actions to prove his love was for only me, but still nothing. I recently saw messages between him and this friend of ours. She was on her way to our house to spend the night and he started the messages by asking her to please come over and have some sexy fun and actually progressed to saying he didn't know what to do about me anymore and maybe he should get his own place. I confronted him about these messages and he deleted FB and messenger and promised no more contact with her without me knowing all about it. I do truly believe he hasn't had contact but I'm still disturbed and all screwed up about the while situation. He swears he loves me and I'm his world but I don't see this in any of his actions. I know i deserve better than this and I'm a beautiful woman who still has men flirt with me and hit on me. I just really want him but I have to feel wanted and needed and right now I feel used and cheated. Oh yah did I happen to mention thus woman is 16 years younger than us .. Definitely doesn't help with my insecurities and already low self esteem. I need advice of any kind to help me figure out where to go from here


Well, here's my take on this:
1. Threesomes rarely work; maybe in some very rare cases, but in 99% of cases, you're setting yourself up for disappointment and heartache. 
2. If he's talking about getting his own place, he's on his way out of the marriage
3. He may have deleted FB and Messenger, but he's still in contact with this other woman. There's always email and texting.
4. If he truly loves you and is 100% committed to the marriage, he would be bending over backwards to show this to you. Actions don't necessarily speak louder than words; they go hand in hand.

What I would do is this: lay low and do some digging into things like phone records, check text messages, watch his actions like a hawk. Don't necessarily say anything to him at this point, but just keep your eyes and ears open to goings on. Get your own ducks in a row in regards to finances, lawyer, any important paperwork that you need to keep safe (passport, bank records, etc.), anything that has sentimental value to you, etc. Quietly gather those things up and squirrel them away. Have you heard of a VAR? It's a recording device that you could put in your H's car where he's likely to talk to this OW. After you have your ducks in a row, I would serve him with divorce papers.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

ColdSexyFeet said:


> My husband and I have been together for 4 years now and he hasn't been sexual or affectionate for the last year and a half. We have a mutual friend that I know he has a attraction to .. I've called it a infatuation in the past a few times. I ended up having a threesome with him and her and actually let him have sex with her ( our past threesomes that wasn't allowed it was supposed to be saved for him and I only ..afterwards) it wasn't for long and he didn't climax but I had hoped he got it out of his system and we could now move on past this. Since thus happened though he still hasn't touched me. We had a long talk about me needing to feel something from him and he was supposed to show me different actions to prove his love was for only me, but still nothing. I recently saw messages between him and this friend of ours. She was on her way to our house to spend the night and he started the messages by asking her to please come over and have some sexy fun and actually progressed to saying he didn't know what to do about me anymore and maybe he should get his own place. I confronted him about these messages and he deleted FB and messenger and promised no more contact with her without me knowing all about it. I do truly believe he hasn't had contact but I'm still disturbed and all screwed up about the while situation. He swears he loves me and I'm his world but I don't see this in any of his actions. I know i deserve better than this and I'm a beautiful woman who still has men flirt with me and hit on me. I just really want him but I have to feel wanted and needed and right now I feel used and cheated. Oh yah did I happen to mention thus woman is 16 years younger than us .. Definitely doesn't help with my insecurities and already low self esteem. I need advice of any kind to help me figure out where to go from here


In general, adding complexity to a disfunctional relationship is only going to make matters worse. The people on this site who participate in threesomes/foursomes/group whatever will tell you straight up that adding others to a weak marriage will just break it.

Not sure how you put this mess back into the bag. Now hubby has some more fantasies that doesnt involve you.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

ColdSexyFeet said:


> I get not all couples are open to this sort if thing ..we have done this in the past and everything worked out fine


Uh,:should I point out the obvious???


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## re16 (Oct 9, 2012)

ColdSexyFeet said:


> I feel used and cheated


This part is correct. Time to accept that is the reality. Everything he is telling you are lies to placate you.


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## Al_Bundy (Mar 14, 2021)

So no sex for a year and a half with you then along comes a younger hotter woman and he literally springs into action. That tells you everything you need to know about your relationship. At this point if you stay, you are cosigning the situation. I know sometimes you can't just up and leave, but start planning. Talk to a lawyer. This marriage has been done for a while.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

ColdSexyFeet said:


> We have a mutual friend that I know he has a attraction to .. I've called it a infatuation in the past a few times. I ended up having a threesome with him and her and actually let him have sex with her





ColdSexyFeet said:


> Oh yah did I happen to mention thus woman is 16 years younger than us ..


So your husband must be really something for a girl 16 years his junior to randomly show up to have him do her. Or, she doesn't attract single men her own age or she is actually attracted to you and he is just incidental? You don't mention your ages but if she is mid twenties then you are both late thirties? When you had threesomes before and he wasn't allowed to have sex with her, was it just you and her with him watching?

You have created a situation with your husband it will be difficult to move away from. Expectations raised in his mind. You say you are beautiful and plenty of men are attracted to you. So what about your husband is so great you are willing to take the scant scraps he is giving you?


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

Has it always been fmf type or did the two of you have other men in the mix?

Was your husband active during the 3sum?

Did he treat you or the girl any differently?

Sometimes one or both in a relationship just stop being intimate, there are a lot of women and men both that lose interest in sex with one another. He could have performed just to save his ego.

Or he is cheating and getting some somewhere else.


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## TAMAT (Jun 20, 2015)

If I read what you wrote correctly your H was not allowed to have sex with the other woman in previous threesomes, but you were allowed? Perhaps that didn't sit well with your H?


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## eyeamnicegirl (Dec 31, 2019)

I can see how a threesome might be an exciting adventure for single people who have wild bent to them. At the same time, I don't see how it would be of benefit to a married couple already having difficulties in their relationship. Lots of things that work fine for a single person don't translate well to marriage; hooking up with a cute guy you meet on vacation, for example. (Got the t-shirt.) You have to turn the page once you start dating your forever person; must have a changing of the mind, if that makes any sense. For me, it was easy to make the shift from single girl/woman who definitely got her share to perfectly content monogamous girlfriend/fiance/wife; probably because I did get my share when single, and when the right guy came along, it was easy to be happy with only him. Sure, we have moments that we don't agree on stuff, but I can't think of even one time that I thought that it might help to invite a 3rd person into our marriage bed as a technique to make things better; for sure, being there to watch my husband f**k another woman wouldn't help anything, and that would be doubly true if he could get it up for her, but not for me. I sense there is a lot more to this story than you are telling us.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

I am surprised that anyone is surprised that bringing a third person into the marriage was/is a bad idea.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

Al_Bundy said:


> *So no sex for a year and a half with you *then along comes a younger hotter woman and he literally springs into action. That tells you everything you need to know about your relationship. At this point if you stay, you are cosigning the situation. I know sometimes you can't just up and leave, but start planning. Talk to a lawyer. This marriage has been done for a while.


i am going to disagree somewhat.
a year and a half is really not all that long. 
at the 1 1/2 year point is about where a lot of people finally wake the heck up and realize their sex life is dead for good, and time to either move on or seriously try to fix it. It is certainly not too late to TRY to fix the sex life.

usually that means making your sex acts more kinky, so they feel new. for example, if sex used to be missionary position only, buy a copy of the Kama Sutra and try out every position shown in the book!


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## Al_Bundy (Mar 14, 2021)

Talker67 said:


> i am going to disagree somewhat.
> a year and a half is really not all that long.
> at the 1 1/2 year point is about where a lot of people finally wake the heck up and realize their sex life is dead for good, and time to either move on or seriously try to fix it. It is certainly not too late to TRY to fix the sex life.
> 
> usually that means making your sex acts more kinky, so they feel new. for example, if sex used to be missionary position only, buy a copy of the Kama Sutra and try out every position shown in the book!


I can see that especially when you've been married a long time. My take was if they've only been together 4 years then a year and a half is almost half the entire relationship. And it's only been 4 years, there should still be a little bit of shine left on the marriage at that point.


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## CatholicDad (Oct 30, 2017)

Sorry but this seems like a classic case of how porn wrecks marriage....

Porn use by hubby leads to unnatural links/fetishes... leads to reduced marital intimacy... and eventually real sex (even with others) isn’t enough...


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## DLC (Sep 19, 2021)

A three-some to save the marriage. That’s a first to me. Let me try that line with my wife. LOL

If sex in the marriage is already on shaky ground, inviting other people to join in the fun is basically like going out to dealers to test drive cars with the mind set of considering a trade-in. The new car is always more fun and will only encourage you to go through with the purchase.


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## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

ColdSexyFeet said:


> My husband and I have been together for 4 years now and he hasn't been sexual or affectionate for the last year and a half. We have a mutual friend that I know he has a attraction to .. I've called it a infatuation in the past a few times. I ended up having a threesome with him and her and actually let him have sex with her ( our past threesomes that wasn't allowed it was supposed to be saved for him and I only ..afterwards) it wasn't for long and he didn't climax but I had hoped he got it out of his system and we could now move on past this. Since thus happened though he still hasn't touched me. We had a long talk about me needing to feel something from him and he was supposed to show me different actions to prove his love was for only me, but still nothing. I recently saw messages between him and this friend of ours. She was on her way to our house to spend the night and he started the messages by asking her to please come over and have some sexy fun and actually progressed to saying he didn't know what to do about me anymore and maybe he should get his own place. I confronted him about these messages and he deleted FB and messenger and promised no more contact with her without me knowing all about it. I do truly believe he hasn't had contact but I'm still disturbed and all screwed up about the while situation. He swears he loves me and I'm his world but I don't see this in any of his actions. I know i deserve better than this and I'm a beautiful woman who still has men flirt with me and hit on me. I just really want him but I have to feel wanted and needed and right now I feel used and cheated. Oh yah did I happen to mention thus woman is 16 years younger than us .. Definitely doesn't help with my insecurities and already low self esteem. I need advice of any kind to help me figure out where to go from here


My wife and I spent some time in the lifestyle years back. Had a number of threesomes with other women, and got to know a lot of people involved in the lifestyle. The one thing the is a general rule is doing something like a threesome or swapping or whatever to fix something fails and backfires pretty much 100% of the time, usually the relationship is destroyed. Most people experienced in the lifestyle will run for the hills from a couple if they get the sense they are doing it to fix something because they know they will be helping to put the nail in the coffin so to speak. 

You cannot fix your sex life with your partner by involving another person. You end up creating a sex life with the other person and you may or may not be involved in that one.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

Talker67 said:


> a year and a half is really not all that long.


It's a bit above 25% of their entire relationship being sexless. That's...ridiculous. Even in my over 20 year marriage I wouldn't tolerate sexlessness for a year without a valid medical reason.

OP, I have no idea why you're still married to this man. He clearly isn't into you. He seems, however, to be into other women. You deserve a man who is actually into you. Why are you settling?


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## 346745 (Oct 7, 2020)

MJJEAN said:


> It's a bit above 25% of their entire relationship being sexless. That's...ridiculous. Even in my over 20 year marriage I wouldn't tolerate sexlessness for a year without a valid medical reason.
> 
> OP, I have no idea why you're still married to this man. He clearly isn't into you. He seems, however, to be into other women. You deserve a man who is actually into you. Why are you settling?


a year and a half without sex is insane.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Longtime Hubby said:


> a year and a half without sex is insane.


Yeah, if someone is actually rejecting their partner for a month and not doing anything to address the issues, it’s game over. 

As far as I’m concerned, if it’s been a year, then anything goes. People waive all rights at that point and have no say over what happens from there. 

And don’t come back claiming medical issues. Unless someone is actually brain damaged and in a coma and being fed through a tube, they are capable of having physical affections and intimacies even if they cannot have actual PIV. 

At a year and a half of consistent rejection, it is all just spitting in the wind and a waste of good spit.


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## 346745 (Oct 7, 2020)

oldshirt said:


> Yeah, if someone is actually rejecting their partner for a month and not doing anything to address the issues, it’s game over.
> 
> As far as I’m concerned, if it’s been a year, then anything goes. People waive all rights at that point and have no say over what happens from there.
> 
> ...


Excellent post


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

ColdSexyFeet said:


> I get not all couples are open to this sort if thing ..we have done this in the past and everything worked out fine


In my opinion you tried unsuccessfully to use a threesome as a way to induce hysterical bonding. Hysterical bonding is when one or both partners fears loosing the relationship and as a result libido skyrockets as a way to reinforce it and make claim one's sexual territory. This is why sex after a threesome is perhaps euphoric and often called "reclaiming" sex. 

However this time you allowed your husband to have sex with the 3rd party, perhaps inducing hysterical binding for you that has gone unrequited since he is out of the habit of being sexually intimate in the marriage. In other words the threesome perhaps had the opposite of your desired outcome in that it just made your situation more unbearable. Had you stuck to your previous format of threesome and not allowed him to have sex, perhaps you would have not had this problem. 

Ultimately he needs to see you happy, confident and enjoying yourself in a way that you seem selfish and unwilling to share that with him. In a sexual context that may spark his interest. In my opinion you can just do that in general with hobbies and things you personally enjoy without having to use that behavior within a sexual context and it should still get his attention. You've got to make him into the needy one! Easier said than done. 

I speak from experience within only the context of monogamy and having read a lot while being opened minded to try and learn about the dynamics of other relationships. Ultimately happiness comes from within and you share that with a partner. You can also be a bit selfish with your own happiness if you want to enjoy making your spouse a little jealous as long as your intentions are for the benefit of the relationship in a playful way. That is how couples create some sparks. 

Regards, 
Badsanta


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

badsanta said:


> In my opinion you tried unsuccessfully to use a threesome as a way to induce hysterical bonding. Hysterical bonding is when one or both partners fears loosing the relationship and as a result libido skyrockets as a way to reinforce it and make claim one's sexual territory. This is why sex after a threesome is perhaps euphoric and often called "reclaiming" sex.
> 
> However this time you allowed your husband to have sex with the 3rd party, perhaps inducing hysterical binding for you that has gone unrequited since he is out of the habit of being sexually intimate in the marriage. In other words the threesome perhaps had the opposite of your desired outcome in that it just made your situation more unbearable. Had you stuck to your previous format of threesome and not allowed him to have sex, perhaps you would have not had this problem.
> 
> ...


My personal opinions is she was grasping at straws and her next option was peeing on a spark plug. 

I think she figured since he digs threesomes and was attracted to this chick, in her desperate mind she was thinking if she handed him a 3-way and this other chick, that he would see her act of love and sacrifice and fall back in love with her. 

It’s kind of the girl equivalent of the Nice Guy Syndrome where people denigrate themselves in an attempt to garner affection from those they are trying to appease. 

The problem of course is if he hasn’t had the attraction or desire to touch her in a year and a half, that horse is out of the barn and the barn door was closed, boarded up and set on fine and burned down to the ground a long time ago. 

This really isn’t even about the 3-way anymore, that is just a red hearring to tittilate the audience. 

This relationship was dead in the water a long time ago and that ship has long sailed.


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

Talker67 said:


> i am going to disagree somewhat.
> a year and a half is really not all that long.
> at the 1 1/2 year point is about where a lot of people finally wake the heck up and realize their sex life is dead for good, and time to either move on or seriously try to fix it. It is certainly not too late to TRY to fix the sex life.
> 
> usually that means making your sex acts more kinky, so they feel new. for example, if sex used to be missionary position only, buy a copy of the Kama Sutra and try out every position shown in the book!


I COMPLETELY disagree with this. It took me 6 months of sexlessness (and a refusal to discuss it at all) to feel completely disconnected from my STBX to the point that I had lost ALL trust in him, and had NO interest in sex with him anymore. Which is called CONSEQUENCES.

If it takes a couple that long to communicate honestly and address a problem, there is alot more wrong than just mismatched desire, and making your sex life more "kinky" or fun to reinvigorate it is like trying to put a little bandaid on a gaping wound.


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## ColdSexyFeet (Nov 28, 2021)

SunCMars said:


> Best answer:
> 
> Your husband does not desire you, that is clear.
> 
> ...


Alot of people would say fight fire with fire but I truly feel just because he might be acting like a snake doesn't mean I should. I want to say I never gave up and did everything I could. I want to be a better person than that


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

ColdSexyFeet said:


> Alot of people would say fight fire with fire but I truly feel just because he might be acting like a snake doesn't mean I should. I want to say I never gave up and did everything I could. I want to be a better person than that


I agree, of course.

Best answer is getting a divorce.

No, do not be a snake, get divorced first, before dating a better person.

The second option (revenge cheating) taints you and ties you to another man, under less than desirable conditions.
Why complicate your life, even more?



_Nemesis-_


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## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

ColdSexyFeet said:


> I get not all couples are open to this sort if thing ..we have done this in the past and everything worked out fine


And yet… here you are.


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

Threesome didn't help marriage?










🙄🙄🙄🙄


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## 346745 (Oct 7, 2020)

Casual Observer said:


> And yet… here you are.


Love to give it a try. We talk about it now and then.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Longtime Hubby said:


> Love to give it a try. We talk about it now and then.


In a solid relationship with both fully on board, it can be tremendously fun and exciting. We've done it many times with nothing but positive outcomes.

Of course it doesn't work for some people, but then neither do relationships or marriage! Nothing ventured, nothing gained.


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## 346745 (Oct 7, 2020)

Married but Happy said:


> In a solid relationship with both fully on board, it can be tremendously fun and exciting. We've done it many times with nothing but positive outcomes.
> 
> Of course it doesn't work for some people, but then neither do relationships or marriage! Nothing ventured, nothing gained.


Right now, it is pillow talk which inspires both of us. As we say, "one never knows what the future holds." And if that opportunity happens ... stay tuned.


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

Longtime Hubby said:


> Right now, it is pillow talk which inspires both of us. As we say, "one never knows what the future holds." And if that opportunity happens ... stay tuned.


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## 346745 (Oct 7, 2020)

Numb26 said:


> View attachment 80857


As said, we can talk the talk. Not sure about walking the walk. But talk is fun. No doubt.


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

Longtime Hubby said:


> As said, we can talk the talk. Not sure about walking the walk. But talk is fun. No doubt.


Just remember, a threesome broke up my marriage and I wasn't even one of the three! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣


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## 346745 (Oct 7, 2020)

Numb26 said:


> Just remember, a threescore broke up my marriage and I wasn't even one of the three! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣


Good point.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Married but Happy said:


> In a solid relationship with both fully on board, it can be tremendously fun and exciting. We've done it many times with nothing but positive outcomes.
> 
> Of course it doesn't work for some people, but then neither do relationships or marriage! Nothing ventured, nothing gained.


If the marriage and sex life was that good they wouldn't need to even think about it.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Diana7 said:


> If the marriage and sex life was that good they wouldn't need to even think about it.


Need to - maybe not. Want to? Certainly. Even great sex lives can become even better!


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Married but Happy said:


> Need to - maybe not. Want to? Certainly. Even great sex lives can become even better!


Faithful ones are the very best.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Diana7 said:


> Faithful ones are the very best.


Agreed. We are entirely faithful (remaining loyal and steadfast) to each other. We are totally _un_faithful in any religious sense, however.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

If


Married but Happy said:


> Agreed. We are entirely faithful (remaining loyal and steadfast) to each other. We are totally _un_faithful in any religious sense, however.


If you have sex with another that is adultery and being unfaithful.


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## 346745 (Oct 7, 2020)

Diana7 said:


> If
> If you have sex with another that is adultery and being unfaithful.


But are they unfaithful if each knows and agrees to it?


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Diana7 said:


> If
> If you have sex with another that is adultery and being unfaithful.


Yes, technically adultery, but we really don't care about that, and the term is merely descriptive, not a judgment (although some people take it as such). And we certainly don't think it fits the definition or spirit of "unfaithful" as given.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

This kind of lifestyle is NOT for me. I don’t understand it and it makes me kind of angry, if I’m honest.

However, I am friends with one couple who swing/have an open marriage. They have no idea I know about it because they know how I feel about infidelity. They’ve been together for 30 years, and although she herself has never talked to me about it I understand they decided early on that divorce was not an option and infidelity wasn’t a deal breaker. They’re happy, stable and they’re really good, involved parents with a solid and respectful relationship. She’s a realtor (with a thriving, 6 figure business) and he’s a pilot for a major airline.It works for them and it’s not (to my knowledge) adversely affecting their children, they have two happy, independent, confident kids. So this kind of thing can work. I don’t get it, but people are different.


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## 346745 (Oct 7, 2020)

TexasMom1216 said:


> This kind of lifestyle is NOT for me. I don’t understand it and it makes me kind of angry, if I’m honest.
> 
> However, I am friends with one couple who swing/have an open marriage. They have no idea I know about it because they know how I feel about infidelity. They’ve been together for 30 years, and although she herself has never talked to me about it I understand they decided early on that divorce was not an option and infidelity wasn’t a deal breaker. They’re happy, stable and they’re really good, involved parents with a solid and respectful relationship. She’s a realtor (with a thriving, 6 figure business) and he’s a pilot for a major airline.It works for them and it’s not (to my knowledge) adversely affecting their children, they have two happy, independent, confident kids. So this kind of thing can work. I don’t get it, but people are different.


That’s a good post. I’m sure we have friends who swing. If it works for them …


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## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

Diana7 said:


> Faithful ones are the very best.


I don’t think God tells us to stop learning and experimenting sexually. The issue is that it’s with each other, within the marriage, and comes from a place of love, trust and mutually-understood boundaries. Plenty of Christians with rocky marriages because they or one of them limited themselves to a very narrow idea of sexuality.

So I’m not at all arguing about faithfulness. Just saying that it’s not enough by itself.


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## Lynnsnake (Dec 4, 2021)

ColdSexyFeet said:


> My husband and I have been together for 4 years now and he hasn't been sexual or affectionate for the last year and a half. We have a mutual friend that I know he has a attraction to .. I've called it a infatuation in the past a few times. I ended up having a threesome with him and her and actually let him have sex with her ( our past threesomes that wasn't allowed it was supposed to be saved for him and I only ..afterwards) it wasn't for long and he didn't climax but I had hoped he got it out of his system and we could now move on past this. Since thus happened though he still hasn't touched me. We had a long talk about me needing to feel something from him and he was supposed to show me different actions to prove his love was for only me, but still nothing. I recently saw messages between him and this friend of ours. She was on her way to our house to spend the night and he started the messages by asking her to please come over and have some sexy fun and actually progressed to saying he didn't know what to do about me anymore and maybe he should get his own place. I confronted him about these messages and he deleted FB and messenger and promised no more contact with her without me knowing all about it. I do truly believe he hasn't had contact but I'm still disturbed and all screwed up about the while situation. He swears he loves me and I'm his world but I don't see this in any of his actions. I know i deserve better than this and I'm a beautiful woman who still has men flirt with me and hit on me. I just really want him but I have to feel wanted and needed and right now I feel used and cheated. Oh yah did I happen to mention thus woman is 16 years younger than us .. Definitely doesn't help with my insecurities and already low self esteem. I need advice of any kind to help me figure out where to go from here


He can’t and won’t change. Find someone else to love you.


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## ColdSexyFeet (Nov 28, 2021)

Married but Happy said:


> In a solid relationship with both fully on board, it can be tremendously fun and exciting. We've done it many times with nothing but positive outcomes.
> 
> Of course it doesn't work for some people, but then neither do relationships or marriage! Nothing ventured, nothing gained.





Rus47 said:


> So your husband must be really something for a girl 16 years his junior to randomly show up to have him do her. Or, she doesn't attract single men her own age or she is actually attracted to you and he is just incidental? You don't mention your ages but if she is mid twenties then you are both late thirties? When you had threesomes before and he wasn't allowed to have sex with her, was it just you and her with him watching?
> 
> You have created a situation with your husband it will be difficult to move away from. Expectations raised in his mind. You say you are beautiful and plenty of men are attracted to you. So what about your husband is so great you are willing to take the scant scraps he is giving you?


Honestly she is more into me she sexts me all of the time just because.. She is extremely attractive and yes alot younger never had children etc. And I'm 41 and my husband is 43 he is attractive and has aged very well but I think why she's into him as well is because of the care he shows and the "help" he has given to her ( he'll cash app her 20 dollars here and there or order her an uber if she is stuck somewhere .. That's all that I know of anyway) I am a sucker most of the time to and have to big if a heart so I am guilty of helping her also but I have consulted him first each time. He just shows people especially woman this amazing man wholl go out of his way to help a friend in need and will always be a shoulder to cry in a ear to vent to ..always taking your side and telling you what you want to hear even going as far as crying in front of them showing he has such a soft side and I know how easy it is to fall for this representative he first introduces himself as because he has probably repeated almost word for word the same things he Said to me when we first met. Let's just say I fell for all the lies and b.s. actually believing everything he said and I've been waiting yo meet the man he made him self out to be since the first month of our relationship.


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## ColdSexyFeet (Nov 28, 2021)

eyeamnicegirl said:


> I can see how a threesome might be an exciting adventure for single people who have wild bent to them. At the same time, I don't see how it would be of benefit to a married couple already having difficulties in their relationship. Lots of things that work fine for a single person don't translate well to marriage; hooking up with a cute guy you meet on vacation, for example. (Got the t-shirt.) You have to turn the page once you start dating your forever person; must have a changing of the mind, if that makes any sense. For me, it was easy to make the shift from single girl/woman who definitely got her share to perfectly content monogamous girlfriend/fiance/wife; probably because I did get my share when single, and when the right guy came along, it was easy to be happy with only him. Sure, we have moments that we don't agree on stuff, but I can't think of even one time that I thought that it might help to invite a 3rd person into our marriage bed as a technique to make things better; for sure, being there to watch my husband f**k another woman wouldn't help anything, and that would be doubly true if he could get it up for her, but not for me. I sense there is a lot more to this story than you are telling us.


Actually during our previous threesomes he was allowed to do everything but PIV and being honest during this one he did lose his erection while he was inside of her after only about 5 minutes or less


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

ColdSexyFeet said:


> Actually during our previous threesomes he was allowed to do everything but PIV and being honest during this one he did lose his erection while he was inside of her after only about 5 minutes or less


So where's his win, or perks, to have a threesome if he can't participate?

Why the losing of erection, and why did that make you feel better, if he doesn't get to PIV then how did that happen?


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## drencrom (Jul 1, 2021)

If I'm in a committed relationship with a woman and she suggests a 3some, we are done.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

drencrom said:


> If I'm in a committed relationship with a woman and she suggests a 3some, we are done.


Well, in my single days, my gf for a short time brought in other hot girls, but I embraced it, knowing none of that relationship would be lasting long, regardless. I was very much not for ltrs back then so no stress at all.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

ColdSexyFeet said:


> Honestly she is more into me she sexts me all of the time just because.. She is extremely attractive and yes alot younger never had children etc. And I'm 41 and my husband is 43 he is attractive and has aged very well but I think why she's into him as well is because of the care he shows and the "help" he has given to her ( he'll cash app her 20 dollars here and there or order her an uber if she is stuck somewhere .. That's all that I know of anyway) I am a sucker most of the time to and have to big if a heart so I am guilty of helping her also but I have consulted him first each time.


That sounds like a sugar baby.


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## Galabar01 (Mar 20, 2019)

I've never had a threesome, but I can't imagine it being fun if I couldn't have full access to both women (and them to each other).


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## 346745 (Oct 7, 2020)

Galabar01 said:


> I've never had a threesome, but I can't imagine it being fun if I couldn't have full access to both women (and them to each other).


never have, either. I guess the trio could lay down some ground rules before starting? That's kinda clinical, but it would ensure all get what they want, I guess?


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## FloridaGuy1 (Nov 4, 2019)

Galabar01 said:


> I've never had a threesome, but I can't imagine it being fun if I couldn't have full access to both women (and them to each other).


I guess it could always just be one person watching the other two??? But at leats TWO of the people need to have contact or its just three people sitting there naked!


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

ColdSexyFeet said:


> Honestly she is more into me she sexts me all of the time just because.. She is extremely attractive and yes alot younger never had children etc.


nothing wrong with lesbian sex with her! you can leave the hubby out...as long as he does not mind.


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## FloridaGuy1 (Nov 4, 2019)

Talker67 said:


> nothing wrong with lesbian sex with her! you can leave the hubby out...as long as he does not mind.


...or maybe just let him watch? I think some guys would like to watch their wife with her lesbian friend. No real threat like that from another guy yet could be a fun time for him even if just observes. I know I would be OK with that as it would definitely spice things up for us! To bad my wife hates other women.


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## ColdSexyFeet (Nov 28, 2021)

I found a message to her saying he missed her two days ago .. I'm so fed up and disgusted. Any thoughts on revenge or how to break things off with a narcissist??


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

ColdSexyFeet said:


> I found a message to her saying he missed her two days ago .. I'm so fed up and disgusted. Any thoughts on revenge or how to break things off with a narcissist??


Just the same things that everyone has been telling you since the first day you posted here - walk away and start living your new life. 

Revenge actually plays into a narcissist's sense of centrality and fuels their ego. It's makes them feel even more special and important since you went out of your way to hurt them. 

The only true way to hurt a narcissist is live a good life without them and not give them any attention.


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## ColdSexyFeet (Nov 28, 2021)

So he said we would talk last night and yet again no communication but then thus afternoon we had a fight he told we why would he want me just look at me why would anyone want me.. He said he couldn't stand me in so upset right now. He also said we've had way more bad than good and I agree I need to think if all those times and stop remembering the man I thought he was


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

He sounds terrible. Don’t waste anymore time or energy on this guy. 

what he says isn’t true. There is someone for everyone. Until after 50 when the men start dying off. But frankly being alone would be better than this asshat.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

ColdSexyFeet said:


> So he said we would talk last night and yet again no communication but then thus afternoon we had a fight he told we why would he want me just look at me why would anyone want me.. He said he couldn't stand me in so upset right now. He also said we've had way more bad than good and I agree I need to think if all those times and stop remembering the man I thought he was


If a kindergartner spoke to another kid like this, the teacher would take him/her off to the side and lecture about how this is not how we talk to our friends and classmates. 

Kindergarten rules of conduct should apply in marriage and if someone isn’t willing to follow those rules, then people should probably not remain married to them.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

maybe it is time to try another threesome, but in this case make is a MFM one, where you invite over a guy you fancy. Maybe him seeing your body turning on this other man will get him jealous and protective enough so he starts thinking of you as a sexual being again?


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Maybe it's time she dump the POS! Seriously, why would she want an asshole who talks to her and treats her the way he does? 

It's absolutely disgusting how some are trying to get her to degrade herself even further for the sake of a guy that no sane woman would want. Those who are encouraging her to do this or that to keep this slimeball need to get their jollies elsewhere! This is a real, live human being and not just a piece of ass.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Anastasia6 said:


> He sounds terrible. Don’t waste anymore time or energy on this guy.
> 
> what he says isn’t true. There is someone for everyone. Until after 50 when the men start dying off. But frankly being alone would be better than this asshat.


Damn. That hurts. I’m only a year away from dying off.😋

I agree she’s better off without this character who has no romantic interest in her whatsoever. Him thinking he’s going to run off into the sunset with this younger “bisexual”woman is comical. 

OP, if you divorce him, he will likely come sniffing around again. Don’t let him.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

ColdSexyFeet said:


> He swears he loves me and I'm his world but I don't see this in any of his actions. I know i deserve better than this


Despite what he "swears" he obviously doesn't *BY HIS ACTIONS*. Love doesn't speak to another like he spoke to you. You deserve and can easily find better, seems he doesn't bring much to the table, be thankful you only have 4 years invested in this sorry excuse for a "husband".

Somehow find out, maybe with IC, how you managed to get lashed up with him so you don't choose another as bad or worse. Was it a "bait and switch"?


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Talker67 said:


> maybe it is time to try another threesome, but in this case make is a MFM one, where you invite over a guy you fancy. Maybe him seeing your body turning on this other man will get him jealous and protective enough so he starts thinking of you as a sexual being again?


Out of the frying pan into the fire.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

Diana7 said:


> Out of the frying pan into the fire.


i do not know about that.
sounds like the marriage is over. Hubby is acting all weird on the FMF threesome.
Why not throw a MFM at him, and see what he does.
he might snap out of it, become jealous of her BF, and try to win her back? What does she have to lose?


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## ColdSexyFeet (Nov 28, 2021)

Rus47 said:


> Despite what he "swears" he obviously doesn't *BY HIS ACTIONS*. Love doesn't speak to another like he spoke to you. You deserve and can easily find better, seems he doesn't bring much to the table, be thankful you only have 4 years invested in this sorry excuse for a "husband".
> 
> Somehow find out, maybe with IC, how you managed to get lashed up with him so you don't choose another as bad or worse. Was it a "bait and switch"?


What is a " bait and switch " exactly ??? He has actually mentioned a MFM three some in the past and wanted to do it but I'm all set I feel as if I have humiliated myself enough for him and definitely been in way too many uncomfortable situations already.. He didn't get me anything for Christmas not even a card or a letter .. I know he's dine with me I just have to decide whether I wait for him to find someone else and leave or I take control of my life again its just scary and heart wrenching but it has to be done


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## Lynnsnake (Dec 4, 2021)

ColdSexyFeet said:


> My husband and I have been together for 4 years now and he hasn't been sexual or affectionate for the last year and a half. We have a mutual friend that I know he has a attraction to .. I've called it a infatuation in the past a few times. I ended up having a threesome with him and her and actually let him have sex with her ( our past threesomes that wasn't allowed it was supposed to be saved for him and I only ..afterwards) it wasn't for long and he didn't climax but I had hoped he got it out of his system and we could now move on past this. Since thus happened though he still hasn't touched me. We had a long talk about me needing to feel something from him and he was supposed to show me different actions to prove his love was for only me, but still nothing. I recently saw messages between him and this friend of ours. She was on her way to our house to spend the night and he started the messages by asking her to please come over and have some sexy fun and actually progressed to saying he didn't know what to do about me anymore and maybe he should get his own place. I confronted him about these messages and he deleted FB and messenger and promised no more contact with her without me knowing all about it. I do truly believe he hasn't had contact but I'm still disturbed and all screwed up about the while situation. He swears he loves me and I'm his world but I don't see this in any of his actions. I know i deserve better than this and I'm a beautiful woman who still has men flirt with me and hit on me. I just really want him but I have to feel wanted and needed and right now I feel used and cheated. Oh yah did I happen to mention thus woman is 16 years younger than us .. Definitely doesn't help with my insecurities and already low self esteem. I need advice of any kind to help me figure out where to go from here


Threesomes are for couples who have a strong relationship , not to solve problems . My wife and I did it a few times and it was fun. It was to fulfill my fantasy of seeing her with another guy. I enjoyed it and she did too. Was with a younger friend of mine. She knew and liked him but was very reluctant to go with it. I said ok and we agreed that if a spontaneous occasion happens, we go with it. I didn’t tell my friend ahead of time. When it happened , all were happy and it happens again sometimes. Ps, no contact between the guys.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

ColdSexyFeet said:


> My husband and I have been together for 4 years now and he hasn't been sexual or affectionate for the last year and a half. We have a mutual friend that I know he has a attraction to .. I've called it a infatuation in the past a few times. I ended up having a threesome with him and her and actually let him have sex with her ( our past threesomes that wasn't allowed it was supposed to be saved for him and I only ..afterwards) it wasn't for long and he didn't climax but I had hoped he got it out of his system and we could now move on past this. Since thus happened though he still hasn't touched me. We had a long talk about me needing to feel something from him and he was supposed to show me different actions to prove his love was for only me, but still nothing. I recently saw messages between him and this friend of ours. She was on her way to our house to spend the night and he started the messages by asking her to please come over and have some sexy fun and actually progressed to saying he didn't know what to do about me anymore and maybe he should get his own place. I confronted him about these messages and he deleted FB and messenger and promised no more contact with her without me knowing all about it. I do truly believe he hasn't had contact but I'm still disturbed and all screwed up about the while situation. He swears he loves me and I'm his world but I don't see this in any of his actions. I know i deserve better than this and I'm a beautiful woman who still has men flirt with me and hit on me. I just really want him but I have to feel wanted and needed and right now I feel used and cheated. Oh yah did I happen to mention thus woman is 16 years younger than us .. Definitely doesn't help with my insecurities and already low self esteem. I need advice of any kind to help me figure out where to go from here


Well first of all the title of your thread cracks me up. Threesomes are not widely known to ever help anything. 

Your husband is obviously a two-faced liar and quite a manipulator to get you to have allowed this. You still believe what he says when you have evidence to the contrary. That's on you. 

Let him be single.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

ColdSexyFeet said:


> What is a *" bait and switch "* exactly ??? He has actually mentioned a MFM three some in the past and wanted to do it but I'm all set I feel as if I have humiliated myself enough for him and definitely been in way too many uncomfortable situations already.. He didn't get me anything for Christmas not even a card or a letter .. I know he's dine with me I just have to decide whether I wait for him to find someone else and leave or I take control of my life again its just scary and heart wrenching but it has to be done


What I meant by bait and switch is that he led you on to believe he was into you before you married but now has no interest. You said you had to jump through hoops to attract any interest from him at all.

What is scary? You were ok before he came along, and will be again. Taking control of your life will make you way happier than dealing with his behavior.


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## ColdSexyFeet (Nov 28, 2021)

Talker67 said:


> i can understand your confusion.
> you THOUGHT he would be turned on by a threesome, and your enthusiastic support.
> now you find he wants to write you out of the script!
> 
> ...


Before anything has ever happened like thus in our marriage we did lay ground rules and both swore this other person was just for our pleasure and satisfaction and that at any point either of us felt uncomfortable or wanted to stop it stopped no questions asked and no kissing and no proceeding without the other telling you to and after I was promised the best sex of our relationship every time and it never has happened not once. We have our first couples counseling appointment this afternoon I will update everyone after to see how it goes wish me luck


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## 346745 (Oct 7, 2020)

ColdSexyFeet said:


> Before anything has ever happened like thus in our marriage we did lay ground rules and both swore this other person was just for our pleasure and satisfaction and that at any point either of us felt uncomfortable or wanted to stop it stopped no questions asked and no kissing and no proceeding without the other telling you to and after I was promised the best sex of our relationship every time and it never has happened not once. We have our first couples counseling appointment this afternoon I will update everyone after to see how it goes wish me luck


No kissing? That’s my marriage. I had to negotiate a deal just to get kisses. Seriously


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## ColdSexyFeet (Nov 28, 2021)

Longtime Hubby said:


> No kissing? That’s my marriage. I had to negotiate a deal just to get kisses. Seriously


Actually it was no kissing the person out of our relationship


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

You have to stop feeding into him. At a certain point you are no longer a victim... just a willing participant. You are already a participant. Break the cycle or forever run in circles. Why don’t you believe the truth he has already shown you?


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## 346745 (Oct 7, 2020)

Longtime Hubby said:


> No kissing? That’s my marriage. I had to negotiate a deal just to get kisses. Seriously


Yes. I knew that. Just saying she went from gold medal kisser to
Cardboard in this r-ship,


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## 346745 (Oct 7, 2020)

ColdSexyFeet said:


> Actually it was no kissing the person out of our relationship


Knew that. Way different here. Sad


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

ColdSexyFeet said:


> My husband and I have been together for 4 years now and *he hasn't been sexual or affectionate for the last year and a half.* We have a mutual friend that I know he has a attraction to .. I've called it a infatuation in the past a few times. *I ended up having a threesome with him and her and actually let him have sex with her ( our past threesomes that wasn't allowed it was supposed to be saved for him and I only ..afterwards) it wasn't for long and he didn't climax but I had hoped he got it out of his system and we could now move on past this. Since thus happened though he still hasn't touched me. *
> 
> He swears he loves me and I'm his world but I don't see this in any of his actions. I know i deserve better than this and I'm a beautiful woman who still has men flirt with me and hit on me. *I just really want him but I have to feel wanted and needed and right now I feel used and cheated.* Oh yah did I happen to mention thus woman is 16 years younger than us .. Definitely doesn't help with my insecurities and already low self esteem. I need advice of any kind to help me figure out where to go from here


Your other thread on his foot fetish where you want more and he want to have foot sex with other women

I am not sure where to start or which problem is the most important to deal with first. Lets look at the big picture, you have agreed to a 3 some on more than one occasion with a specific woman. It appears that this other woman was not viewed as a threat, but now she is viewed as a threat to your marriage. Clear boundaries have not been established as to where he is allow PIV, foot sex, etc. with her. You really need to figure out what you want out of your marriage and negotiate it and boundaries with your H.

Based on the range of problems, I think you need some professional marriage counseling with a sex therapist to help you and your H figure out the kind and amount of sex that the two of you to be part of your marriage and the level of monogamy.

Good luck.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

i still think you need to tie him up in a chair, and have him watch you and the young girl in bed! 
WHO CARES if he likes it or not!


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

I’ll use some stupid man logic. If that little girl is into you like you say then you must be a decent looker so dump the loser and get a guy that can appreciate you as a whole instead of a hole.
Good luck but stop digging your own grave with this dude.


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## ColdSexyFeet (Nov 28, 2021)

so just to update everyone .. we had our first second and third counseling appointment always another excuse. So he reactivated both of his facebook accounts that he "deleted" for me. lol I told him i was done and he finally agreed that he would look for another place. BUT then life happened and my father died unexpectedly March 2nd of a major heart ,. you might think this would change things somewhat at least but nope. During all of this hes still sending messages to HER and many other females. Just this week alone ive gotten actual proof of three different conversations. The one between him and her of course was the mst painful.. he addressed her as his soulmate, told her passionately that he wanted to make love to her while he looked deep imto her eyes. He said how much he wanted to kiss her lovingly and how he wanted to kiss her from head to TOE and he told her he missed her (he hasnt messaged me that he missed me in the past 9 months .. im sick i actually went back thrugh all of my past texts to make sure) and of course how much he loves her and they have a special devine connection. also that shes the ONLY woman that could heal the hole inside of him. then to add even more insult to injury they then planned on drugging me so i would pas out and they could then be together, because he couldnt wait to MAKE LOVE to her .. honestly speaking i dont believe hes ever made love to me even once. Theres nothing more to say i guess he said all that needed to be said. I told him im finally DONE for good this time im moving into the spare bedroom until one of us can move out. I just feel so humilated, used, and unloved.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

ColdSexyFeet said:


> so just to update everyone .. we had our first second and third counseling appointment always another excuse. So he reactivated both of his facebook accounts that he "deleted" for me. lol I told him i was done and he finally agreed that he would look for another place. BUT then life happened and my father died unexpectedly March 2nd of a major heart ,. you might think this would change things somewhat at least but nope. During all of this hes still sending messages to HER and many other females. Just this week alone ive gotten actual proof of three different conversations. The one between him and her of course was the mst painful.. he addressed her as his soulmate, told her passionately that he wanted to make love to her while he looked deep imto her eyes. He said how much he wanted to kiss her lovingly and how he wanted to kiss her from head to TOE and he told her he missed her (he hasnt messaged me that he missed me in the past 9 months .. im sick i actually went back thrugh all of my past texts to make sure) and of course how much he loves her and they have a special devine connection. also that shes the ONLY woman that could heal the hole inside of him. then to add even more insult to injury they then planned on drugging me so i would pas out and they could then be together, because he couldnt wait to MAKE LOVE to her .. honestly speaking i dont believe hes ever made love to me even once. Theres nothing more to say i guess he said all that needed to be said. I told him im finally DONE for good this time im moving into the spare bedroom until one of us can move out. I just feel so humilated, used, and unloved.



You can not fix what you don't own, this not your shame, this is not your humiliation, your husband has basically been a dirt bag from the beginning. He pressured you to play his sick games and made you feel unwanted and undesired...i want you to know that you are not the problem and you can not fix his stupidity. He will not find love in her or anyone else because he is broken and damaged. I am sorry you lost your father, and while you are grieving his loss you must endure the grief of this marriage as well. Take the time with a therapist on work on your grieving process. I am truly sorry you find yourself here, but you don't need your husband.


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

Your story is the second one I’ve read this week on here where the husband who wants to pursue another woman calls her his “soulmate.” 

I’m glad you’re resolved to move on but you have to work on truly separating not just living in a spare bedroom. You’ll just suffer watching him carry on with someone else. It’s hard to go through break ups of any kind but you will heal when you physically move on to another place to live.

This isn’t about his dissatisfaction with you, it really seems like he just isn’t marriage material. Doesn’t seem to want monogamy and that’s fine, not everyone wants marriage. And he lacks character as he was trying to hide the whole thing from you. Sadly, he will do this to another woman because he just sounds like he isn’t capable of monogamy. Sounds like he’s already talking to other women gearing up to cheat on his “soulmate.” 😌

Anyway, I hope you find a peaceful life soon.


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## TAMAT (Jun 20, 2015)

ColdSexyFeet,

You wrote, *. honestly speaking i dont believe hes ever made love to me even once. *

Yea that's a painful realization isn't it, you love someone and work at it too, but there is no echo. Sometimes it takes years and then suddenly it dawns on you that they never had romantic love for you. You are not alone in this why can't they just be honest? Sorry.


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## 346745 (Oct 7, 2020)

TAMAT said:


> ColdSexyFeet,
> 
> You wrote, *. honestly speaking i dont believe hes ever made love to me even once. *
> 
> Yea that's a painful realization isn't it, you love someone and work at it too, but there is no echo. Sometimes it takes years and then suddenly it dawns on you that they never had romantic love for you. You are not alone in this why can't they just be honest? Sorry.


I told my wife "I love you" on my birthday last November. After a pause, she replied "good." This was after we had a great night together, dinner out and making love. "Good." So I have not said those three words to her since and have no intention of every saying them to her again.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

If you have a copy of them talking about knocking you out with drugs, call the police and have them charged.


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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

@ColdSexyFeet 


Lostinthought61 said:


> You can not fix what you don't own, this not your shame, this is not your humiliation, your husband has basically been a dirt bag from the beginning. He pressured you to play his sick games and made you feel unwanted and undesired...i want you to know that you are not the problem and you can not fix his stupidity. He will not find love in her or anyone else because he is broken and damaged. I am sorry you lost your father, and while you are grieving his loss you must endure the grief of this marriage as well. Take the time with a therapist on work on your grieving process. I am truly sorry you find yourself here, but you don't need your husband.


THIS! None of this is your fault or doing. I don't think we can emphasize this enough. Even your desire for the threesome, whether it was for you or him or for some other imagined reason, is not a negative on you. None of the variations on human sexuality and sexual activity are negative in and of themselves. They are only positive or negative in our personal views of them AND how they are applied in relationships. Even straight monogamy can be a negative with abusive mates. All this is on your husband, especially since you did take the steps to try to correct the situation.

And very much what @ABHale said, if you still can screenshot that exchange where they said something about drugging you, get it, take it to the police, and a lawyer, and get a restraining order as well, and have him out of the house. While he probably didn't mean it literally, that is not a chance to take. And when you take the screenshot send it to multiple people whom you can trust. That way he cannot erase it from your devices. Not to mention change your passwords.

My sympathies on your father. I lost my mom not too long ago. I can only imagine how much worse this would be on top of that.


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