# any man out there having a mid life crisis??? please help me to understand better!!!



## lost1234 (Aug 24, 2009)

my husband has been told by our dr that ALL of his physicsl and emotional issues are stemming from VERY low testosterone levels, and that he is in the midst of a full blown crisis...please anyone share your stories and/or wisdom...advice with me!:scratchhead:


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## EternalBacheor (Jul 26, 2009)

From my observations the most common solution seems to be the purchase of a late model Corvette.


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## martino (May 12, 2008)

How original.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Please clarify ... was he seen by and diagnosed by his physician, or was he diagnosed by proxy when you discussed his issues with your family doctor?

There is a world of difference.

If he knew something is wrong, went to the doc and got a diagnosis, then this is a no-brainer. I can't account for what would be standing in his way to pursuing treatment.

On the other hand however, to be told that as a result of your inability to cope with what life is throwing at you is the result of 'not being man enough' (yes, that is how many men would interpret someone telling them they have low testosterone) - let alone getting that news from your wife, is enough to create more than a little resistance.

Mid-life crisis is one of those scary blanket terms. There is a world of difference between taking stock of your life and wonder where you are going, versus abandoning all responsibility, chasing twenty-somethings, and buying either the vette, or the Harley.

What's going on?


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

i have never been diagnosed but i know i have had one, and may still be having one.

in my case it started with feelings of not being appreciated, being taken for granted. Maybe even feeling that i have lost control of the household, that i have no say in what goes on. That i have become a robot with no life, that this is my only chance at life and it is passing me by.

i think men react differently to this. I am not buying big cars or whoring around. I am just a bit more rebellious in my actions. doing more for me, doing things to make myself happy. i dont think i have overstepped boundries but i have made a statement. i still take care of whats important with the kids and my love for them just grows more everyday.


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## lost1234 (Aug 24, 2009)

thanks Deejo for a real response! I will try to sum it up as we( my husband, me and now his physician).
my husband has been unhappy, irritable,indecisive, achy and the likes for a while.has blamed everyone and everything for ALL aspects of his life making himand unhappy and the rest of the issues. he finally sought help as he was also becoming more short tempered on top of everything else. was prescribed an anti depressant, which didnt seem to help.
his symptoms are entirely out of control and left our home 8 weeks ago. still supporting everything...both the children and myself.just simply can not stay here.
last week he went in for routine check up for the anti depressant and went over all symptoms again and also the fact that he has left the family home...he is in my opinion acting as if he were 25 again (he is 38),wanting to find himself, he doesnt feel like a man...he cant handle this anymore and feels so at ease when he is elsewhere.
dr ordered bloodwork and he has also set up for a sleep apnea test which is scheduled for nov. blood work came back...almost depleted of testosterone. dr sees husband again( i was not there this time),prescribes androgel once a day and possible counceling as my husband is not doing this to hurt his wife or children.
I feel somewhat relieved as now knowing what this is. dr says the anti depressant was actually making matters worse...HMMM makes ya wonder...anyways i am LOST. to me as a woman, knowing what the problem is would have me running for help, my husband on the other hand is unaccepting the reasons behind
what he is thinking and feeling! the dr has spoken with me and told me not to take words and actions personally,ha...like that is 
so easy to do!he says once the medication starts to help...several months possibly that we should see improvement as this is a BIG issue that is often gone undetected.
I am wondering if anyone has gone through this and how they coped with it all! i feel so alone and want to help by being here just to listen if need be but it seems he picks arguments just to leave again...


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## lost1234 (Aug 24, 2009)

those are also things my husband has hinted at...this is so hard and so fast coming.i apologize i am all over the map! are you still at home?


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

I would only advise that you should be prepared to separate that there are issues - and there are issues exacerbated by his condition. 

I exhibited all of the things that you indicated. Stress, anxiety, very short temper (after never, ever having had one), forgetfulness. All were due to problems in the marriage. 

I guess what I'm saying is, that his pursuit of treatment may have no impact on resolving the real issues - but certainly sounds like it might help him cope better.


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## hopingforchange (Nov 7, 2014)

This is EXACTLY what I am experiencing right now. My husband was diagnosed with low T 2 weeks ago. Last week he told me he wanted a divorce and moved out. That we had grown apart and he didn't see things changing. He doesn't think they will change even though I have tried to tell him that it's because of this and it's not his fault, it happens we just have to deal with it together and we would make it through. Our kids deserve for him to fight through this and fight for our family. But he is so cold and unemotional I do not know how to handle it i'm scared he won't come back....



lost1234 said:


> thanks Deejo for a real response! I will try to sum it up as we( my husband, me and now his physician).
> my husband has been unhappy, irritable,indecisive, achy and the likes for a while.has blamed everyone and everything for ALL aspects of his life making himand unhappy and the rest of the issues. he finally sought help as he was also becoming more short tempered on top of everything else. was prescribed an anti depressant, which didnt seem to help.
> his symptoms are entirely out of control and left our home 8 weeks ago. still supporting everything...both the children and myself.just simply can not stay here.
> last week he went in for routine check up for the anti depressant and went over all symptoms again and also the fact that he has left the family home...he is in my opinion acting as if he were 25 again (he is 38),wanting to find himself, he doesnt feel like a man...he cant handle this anymore and feels so at ease when he is elsewhere.
> ...


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## MachoMcCoy (Oct 20, 2014)

hopingforchange said:


> This is EXACTLY what I am experiencing right now. My husband was diagnosed with low T 2 weeks ago. Last week he told me he wanted a divorce and moved out. That we had grown apart and he didn't see things changing. He doesn't think they will change even though I have tried to tell him that it's because of this and it's not his fault, it happens we just have to deal with it together and we would make it through. Our kids deserve for him to fight through this and fight for our family. But he is so cold and unemotional I do not know how to handle it i'm scared he won't come back....



This has got to be a new record for reviving a zombie thread. 5+ years. You may want to start a new one to discuss your issue.

Speaking of which, what IS this issue? I was diagnosed with low T and I shrugged. My midlife crisis is an ENTIRELY different issue. Just the DIAGNOSIS for low T sent him into a downward spiral?

:scratchhead:


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## Happilymarried25 (Mar 19, 2014)

There is no such thing as a mid life crisis. These men just don't want the responsibility of supporting a family. Odds are they are cheating with a younger woman or plan to. Shame on them for being selfish and deserting their children.


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## FormerSelf (Apr 21, 2013)

hopingforchange said:


> This is EXACTLY what I am experiencing right now. My husband was diagnosed with low T 2 weeks ago. Last week he told me he wanted a divorce and moved out. That we had grown apart and he didn't see things changing. He doesn't think they will change even though I have tried to tell him that it's because of this and it's not his fault, it happens we just have to deal with it together and we would make it through. Our kids deserve for him to fight through this and fight for our family. But he is so cold and unemotional I do not know how to handle it i'm scared he won't come back....


In this case, I would suspect an affair.


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## OhGeesh (Jan 5, 2010)

LOW T is not the end all be all lol. It's practically quack medicine and this is someone who is on TRT. I'm on it for 2 reasons. Higher IGF-1 production so better skin temporarily and to retain muscle. If anything I'm more irritable now then before. 

I find myself wanting to punch people in the face more so then anytime since I was a teen. My levels were low/normal before and now 900's.

Best of luck!!


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening all
Don't ignore the psychological as opposed to physical causes for a mid life crisis. There is a point in your life where you are hit by a number of issues:

You notice that your body is going downhill. Its not bad yet, but you realize that there are things you were once able to do that you will never go again. 

You realize that you are not as sharp as you once were. Realize that you have knowledge, but that you just are not that quick anymore. (time to move into management).

Your career is probably not going where you expected when you were 20, and its not going to get there. You are not an astronaut, senator, olympic athlete, or whatever - and you have to face the fact that you NEVER WILL BE. 

You are one of the "older" generation. You may not be shouting "get off my lawn" yet, but you are out of touch with what young people are doing / thinking. You get called "sir" by the cute girl at Starbucks - she smiles at you because you are a nice grandfatherly looking figure, not because she thinks you are hot. 

Life is starting to go by quickly. You need to think hard to remember what you did for an entire year of your life. 

Buying a Corvette won't actually help, but you fell like you need to do something.


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## Max.HeadRoom (Jun 28, 2014)

This is what led me here. I’m 47 and 8 years into a great marriage with a wonderful woman. Sex & money have never been better. My job seems secure but… nothing seems to makes sense like it did, all these crazy thoughts keep coming into my head. I have no intention on acting on them. In taking to my wife she’s afraid I’m going to have an affair for some reason. That was done to me and I will not do that to anyone. I tell her I’m happy but she does not know how to help me. 

I know this is not much help. 

My patience has never been shorter and I’m more unwilling to just roll over. 

I do not know what I need to do fix this. The one thought that keeps coming back is to take a vacation by myself but the Mrs. Keeps saying no. So I’m here reading & learning.

Good luck


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## poida (Jan 17, 2014)

Deejo said:


> I would only advise that you should be prepared to separate that there are issues - and there are issues exacerbated by his condition.
> 
> I exhibited all of the things that you indicated. Stress, anxiety, very short temper (after never, ever having had one), forgetfulness. All were due to problems in the marriage.
> 
> I guess what I'm saying is, that his pursuit of treatment may have no impact on resolving the real issues - but certainly sounds like it might help him cope better.


ABSOLUTELY.

My (admittedly early) mid-life crisis was entirely due to not having my emotional needs met in my marriage.

Depression, stress, anxiety, temper, forgetfulness etc etc.

After divorce and meeting a woman who does meet my needs, I am the happiest I have ever been.

Send him to counselling. He will find out a lot, very quickly.


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## Racer (Sep 24, 2009)

Zombie thread, but the anti-depressants also hit a nerve with me. Anti-depressants will affect mood, inhibition, agitation, feelings of guilt or hopelessness. In a totally random survey from a long time ago several of us BS's also noted a high pattern of our cheating spouses were on anti-depressants. We theorized that helped them feel less inhibited with potential affair partners and less guilty about cheating. Basically it tones down that other guy in your head that might worry or get anxiety about such stuff that normally would have you fretting about that guilt...


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## commonsenseisn't (Aug 13, 2014)

richardsharpe;10902586Buying a Corvette won't actually help[/QUOTE said:


> You're right, but a big diesel truck will ... even if this is a zombie thread.


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## Nix (Jan 23, 2012)

My perspective is really unique as I am a lesbian who experienced my former partner's mid life crisis up close and personal. Mid life crisis like autism is on a spectrum, for my sister it was a vacation to Mexico, for my mother it was a red Dodge Stealth (this tells you how long ago it was). For my ex it was much, much more severe than that. She was one of the small percentage of people whose MLC murdered the person she was. She abandoned me and her entire family and basically just ran away. We were together 10 years when she did this. Lots more to the story involving a 100 pound weight loss and a questioning of her sexual orientation but that sort of thing is par for the course in the "severe" cases of MLC. They end up questioning every decision they ever made since the age of 21 or so and usually their loving spouses and families are the ones who pay the price.

I am very very sorry for the OP and anyone else reading this who is in a similar situation. If medical issues are the root cause of what is going on with your husband then perhaps this is something that can be fixed and the man you married will come back. What personality did he have before these changes? The reason I ask is because from what I have read, the avoidant type of personality is the type most likely to blow up their lives (and those of everyone they love) during midlife. That describes my ex perfectly.


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## MachoMcCoy (Oct 20, 2014)

I can't even do a midlife crisis right. I was 48. Marriage was bad (I didn't know HOW bad, but that's another story). So I tried to revive it. We're both aging and sex isn't going to get easier. So I started fixing it. I just wanted my wife back, but she was gone for good.


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## ShutOutbyWife (Jan 22, 2015)

I'm 58 years-old and never had a mid-life crisis. The wife wouldn't allow it.


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## tangled123 (Jan 18, 2015)

This zombie thread provides some insight for me. I did not look into this T stuff so far
Looks like a low T with marital problems can be a perfect recipe for disaster....

I feel like I'm slowly finding the puzzle pieces...hope I can put them together soon.

Off to make dr appmt. Hope H won't mind blaming it on the hormones?


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