# Jail time, trigeminal neuralgia, and now cancer



## zirtek (Apr 28, 2015)

So my OH was jailed for 2 years for stealing $200k from an employer, I was left to take care of our kids and hold down a full time job, they tried to involve me in their web of deceit which back fired. We argue all the time and have done so for the past 10 years. 


I am openly verbally abused and ridiculed by this person, in public, made feel useless, like I am to blame for all their troubles in life, I cannot leave as I love my kids and have financial commitments.


They were recently diagnosed with TN and have had numerous attacks where I've had to take time off work to take care of them and the kids because they cannot, TN is horrific. Now also they have been diagnosed with cancer. yet I feel I need to be sympathetic towards them, and I try deep down to be but I can't forget what they did to me in the past and how they continue to treat me.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

What does "OH" mean?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

zirtek said:


> So my OH was jailed for 2 years for stealing $200k from an employer, I was left to take care of our kids and hold down a full time job, they tried to involve me in their web of deceit which back fired. We argue all the time and have done so for the past 10 years.


How long has he been out of jail?



zirtek said:


> I am openly verbally abused and ridiculed by this person, in public, made feel useless, like I am to blame for all their troubles in life, I cannot leave as I love my kids and have financial commitments.


Why don't you file for divorce? Then you could have shared custody.



zirtek said:


> They were recently diagnosed with TN and have had numerous attacks where I've had to take time off work to take care of them and the kids because they cannot, TN is horrific. Now also they have been diagnosed with cancer. yet I feel I need to be sympathetic towards them, and I try deep down to be but I can't forget what they did to me in the past and how they continue to treat me.


You can be sympathetic to a person who is ill. However that does not meant that you have to put up with mistreatment.

Why are you putting up with being mistreated?


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

Why are you taking such care to conceal the gender of the other person?


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## Uptown (Mar 27, 2010)

Zirtek, the TN can be cured with a surgical procedure developed by a surgeon in Pittsburg. I took my sister there and he placed a teflon pad between the nerve and the blood vessel that had been pressing on it. She's been pain free from the TN ever since. 

Without the surgery, the prognosis is very bad because the pain killers become ineffective as the body develops a tolerance. The patient therefore has to take increasingly larger doses of powerful pain killers. If you're interested, I can provide you more information.


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## Wolfman1968 (Jun 9, 2011)

Umm...I'm having trouble understanding this OP's use of the plural pronouns.


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## batsociety (Jan 23, 2015)

SecondTime'Round said:


> Why are you taking such care to conceal the gender of the other person?





Wolfman1968 said:


> Umm...I'm having trouble understanding this OP's use of the plural pronouns.


OP's partner could be non-binary and they/their might be their preferred pronouns. Or OP could be looking for an unbiased response - advice often varies as to whether the other half is male or female here, I've noticed.



EleGirl said:


> You can be sympathetic to a person who is ill. However that does not meant that you have to put up with mistreatment.


This. Just because they've been caught in a crummy situation doesn't mean that their behavior should be excused.


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