# Finally had our 1st session with MC and Im the one in a fog.....



## stuck on hold (Sep 16, 2013)

Interesting how life gives you small doses of experience before it starts to unload reality on you. Its been 11 weeks since I learned about the real man I married, the real father of my kids, the real man I thought was my friend. Tonight was our first session of MC. He did 98% of the talking. The intention here is to be able to speak and come to a decision as to how to proceed with our relationship and our children. This is our 3rd time with MC. This time was different for me. Believe it or not Im depressed because I can feel myself disconnecting more and more. I was sitting there in my own fog. Not an "affair fog" but a disconnected fog. Lord knows, I've been fighting for 2 years that my son has a full time dad, that he has the foundation and the love full time and never has to share his bed, his home, his parents. 
Anyway I am done. Has anyone here felt the mourning of a love that you no longer feel? Believe it or not I feel sad that Im disconnecting. I feel sad that I am letting go. I know I will always deal with him because of my son but the man that I married and loved with all my heart is now a distant memory. Im not mad, im not desperate, anymore.......Im sad that Im letting go of someone I loved so much and thought was the best man. Im sad that I no longer see him that way. He was the one that cheated but Im the one crying for disconnecting from the man I loved once so much......


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

That because what you are mourning is the loss of your illusion. 

In your head you had the illusion that he was a loving, thoughtful, moral, faithful man who cared about you. That illusion was not reality, and now reality has burst it's way into your illusion and shattered the image you had of yourself, your family, and even your marriage. You had things pictured "one way" but in reality they just were NOT that way. 

Now you're disconnecting from the false image. But frankly for me, I LOVED that false image...that illusion I had in my head that we were a happy, successful family despite all the red flags. I just kept ignoring them! The mourning for the illusion was MUCH more painful and much more difficult than mourning for the reality of the man he truly was. The man my exH truly was is not someone I'd actually even like very much--but I didn't want to see it. I wanted a man who was true and who valued me as if I was precious. 

Now...years later... it took me quite a while to find him but it was worth the wait: to find someone who is TRULY like that and not just an illusion.


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## mgobluefan (Oct 14, 2013)

stuck on hold said:


> Interesting how life gives you small doses of experience before it starts to unload reality on you. Its been 11 weeks since I learned about the real man I married, the real father of my kids, the real man I thought was my friend. Tonight was our first session of MC. He did 98% of the talking. The intention here is to be able to speak and come to a decision as to how to proceed with our relationship and our children. This is our 3rd time with MC. This time was different for me. Believe it or not Im depressed because I can feel myself disconnecting more and more. I was sitting there in my own fog. Not an "affair fog" but a disconnected fog. Lord knows, I've been fighting for 2 years that my son has a full time dad, that he has the foundation and the love full time and never has to share his bed, his home, his parents.
> Anyway I am done. Has anyone here felt the mourning of a love that you no longer feel? Believe it or not I feel sad that Im disconnecting. I feel sad that I am letting go. I know I will always deal with him because of my son but the man that I married and loved with all my heart is now a distant memory. Im not mad, im not desperate, anymore.......Im sad that Im letting go of someone I loved so much and thought was the best man. Im sad that I no longer see him that way. He was the one that cheated but Im the one crying for disconnecting from the man I loved once so much......


Which is it, your first time with MC or 3rd?


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## ne9907 (Jul 17, 2013)

> That because what you are mourning is the loss of your illusion.
> 
> In your head you had the illusion that he was a loving, thoughtful, moral, faithful man who cared about you. That illusion was not reality, and now reality has burst it's way into your illusion and shattered the image you had of yourself, your family, and even your marriage. You had things pictured "one way" but in reality they just were NOT that way.
> 
> ...


Couldn't have say it better.
I am going through the same thing. I am also mourning. Perhaps not the man, but the relationship.
I was sooooooo deliriously happy.


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

Situations like this make me sad. I sort of tear up reading them. A good woman is so so soooo hard to find. A good wife is even more rare than that. And people so easily throw it all away.

Hoping everything works out for you.


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

Affaircare said:


> That because what you are mourning is the loss of your illusion.
> 
> In your head you had the illusion that he was a loving, thoughtful, moral, faithful man who cared about you. That illusion was not reality, and now reality has burst it's way into your illusion and shattered the image you had of yourself, your family, and even your marriage. You had things pictured "one way" but in reality they just were NOT that way.
> 
> ...


:iagree: It is a gift when you can disconnect. I got there after d-day in Feb. but it was a difficult time with all the emotions, etc. Some have said on my various posts that when I disconnected my wife realized it, felt it, sensed it, and that is when she started to panic. Not even the threat of D and telling her where I was in the process did not do much, until she realized that I was done with the M and could give a rat's arse about her.

Not saying things will change for you, but I will say that it is a huge emotional release when you get to the point of disconnection. It is almost like you can breathe anew and I even started looking at possibilities with other women, etc.


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## bartendersfriend (Oct 14, 2013)

mgobluefan said:


> Which is it, your first time with MC or 3rd?


Maybe 3rd time in their marriage, but first since the affair she knows about?

SoH - Why on earth was he doing the vast majority of the talking?


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## MovingAhead (Dec 27, 2012)

I understand the pain of your loss. I remember that time. I saw it how you are seeing it now. I now see it as my time of freedom. I was captured in an illusion of what I thought my marriage was. Now, I am seeing what my life can be. The grieving process takes time.

Are you finished trying to R?

Is it because of the immense pain?

Are you trying to R because of your kids and not for yourself?


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## mahike (Aug 16, 2011)

It took me longer to come to grips that my marriage as I knew it and my wife as I knew were gone. Then it took time to decide if I wanted to build a new marriage and see if I could love my wife as she is today.

It is something that my WS did not understand and I am not sure she ever fully understood those feelings

If your husband is doing all the talking maybe you both need IC and MC.

My DDay was 7/8/2011. Just the other days with my wife we burned the pictures and copies of emails. This is a long road to R and a hard one.


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

I don't understand why you're in MC. I reread your earlier posts. He is an unabashed serial cheater who has cheated your entire marriage, cheated on his other wives, done this to his kids multiple times & is apparently deeply involved with another woman at the moment.

You don't have to be a rocket scientist to get why you feel disconnected. The question I have is why you haven't kicked him out for good.

Sacrificing your sanity and your heart for your children is a fool's errand. They don't want you to do it. They love you just the way you love them & they want you to be happy.

I believe that people can change. Just not him. You should save yourself while you can.


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## stuck on hold (Sep 16, 2013)

mgobluefan said:


> Which is it, your first time with MC or 3rd?


sorry, this is our 3rd therapist. First one really doesnt count cause we just saw him 3 times. Then say MC #2 for about 7 mths. It was all false MC though. I found out later that the entire time he has having this affair and wasnt honest in any of the sessions. Both of these attempts were to salvage our marriage 
( so I thought ) . I thought we were going as a couple to fix our problems but our problems were sitting right next to me. 

So 11 weeks ago I found out about his affair. Since finding out we have barely spoken. Im always crying and we cant communicate with out fighting. So this is our first time discussing all the lies that have been passed around and instead of discussing saving the marriage we are discussing how best to end it with out creating more pain for everyone. Yesterday was the first time in 11 weeks we've been able to talk about anything regarding his affair with out crying and fighting.


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## stuck on hold (Sep 16, 2013)

Affaircare said:


> That because what you are mourning is the loss of your illusion.
> 
> In your head you had the illusion that he was a loving, thoughtful, moral, faithful man who cared about you. That illusion was not reality, and now reality has burst it's way into your illusion and shattered the image you had of yourself, your family, and even your marriage. You had things pictured "one way" but in reality they just were NOT that way.
> 
> ...


You dont know how much I fear ever meeting another man and trusting him. You are lucky you were able to open yourself up to find someone. 
The illusion of what I thought I had is exactly it then. Its so heartbraking to let that go.


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## stuck on hold (Sep 16, 2013)

Thorburn said:


> :iagree: It is a gift when you can disconnect. I got there after d-day in Feb. but it was a difficult time with all the emotions, etc. Some have said on my various posts that when I disconnected my wife realized it, felt it, sensed it, and that is when she started to panic. Not even the threat of D and telling her where I was in the process did not do much, until she realized that I was done with the M and could give a rat's arse about her.
> 
> Not saying things will change for you, but I will say that it is a huge emotional release when you get to the point of disconnection. It is almost like you can breathe anew and I even started looking at possibilities with other women, etc.


Funny I can see a sudden sense of panic in him as he sees the disconnect in my eyes. Its different when you are trying to show them you are "done". Its like they sense you are just faking it. However, when you truly feel it in your bones you are done they can smell it on you. His look of worry is different. He's like a child. I admit there were times where I just acted like I was done and the moment I would see him panic I would give in and "felt sorry for him". Now that its really hitting me, I just walk away. 
Yes it is liberating to let go. Its a bitter sweet feeling. You let go and you are so sad at the same time.........


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## Dad&Hubby (Aug 14, 2012)

sinnister said:


> Situations like this make me sad. I sort of tear up reading them. A good woman is so so soooo hard to find. A good wife is even more rare than that. And people so easily throw it all away.
> 
> Hoping everything works out for you.



Based on divorce statistics. 75% of the men and 75% of the women in this world are great husbands and wives. The trouble is the 25% that aren't don't have signs on.

(50% divorce rate)

(yes this is tongue in cheek)


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## stuck on hold (Sep 16, 2013)

bartendersfriend said:


> Maybe 3rd time in their marriage, but first since the affair she knows about?
> 
> SoH - Why on earth was he doing the vast majority of the talking?


I've been talking for so long that i just sat there and listend to him talk. Its such a rare occurance for him to speak at all that I was almost not breathing to loud so he would just keep talking. I never know what he's thinking or feeling so to hear him talk was a breath of fresh air. 

She can tell from the looks I gave at certain things he would say that I have a lot to say. She did say next week she is going to give us more then an hour to talk . She said ( and I think it was directed at me) that we will not and can not move forward if we are resentful or holding on to anger. Until I can be heard, thats impossible for me to let go. Next week it will be my turn to talk. Amazing how fast an hour goes in counceling..........


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## MovingAhead (Dec 27, 2012)

If your husband is a serial cheater, I suggest that you disconnect. I think if you are doing that now, you are doing a real favor for yourself. Self respect is a great thing to have. Everyone deserves it.


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## stuck on hold (Sep 16, 2013)

MovingAhead said:


> I understand the pain of your loss. I remember that time. I saw it how you are seeing it now. I now see it as my time of freedom. I was captured in an illusion of what I thought my marriage was. Now, I am seeing what my life can be. The grieving process takes time.
> 
> Are you finished trying to R?
> 
> ...


There has been so many lies that I dont see how a R is really possible. She asked us if we want it the relationship to be saved and my answer was "there are to many layers of other feelings going on with me that I cant even get to that right now" . My disappointment goes far beyond his affair. Its his conduct afterwards and the fact that the man I thought was my partner could be so sneaky, such a liar, such a two face. At the minimum as my friend I thought he would have learned from his first divorce and how that destroyed his children and now that he's gotten a second chance at a family and new child he'd be smarter. I've been begging him for 2 years and 11 weeks NOT to hurt our family. Trying to figure out what is going on and why. Begging , pleading, crying, talking, fighting, caring, loving for 2 years and 11 weeks and he STILL did it. Lets also mention that he did it with the same mistress he left his first family for that is now also married. So to even say the word "R" is not in my thoughts right now. 

Even the discussion we are having now at MC is for the kids. For me, its also an oppurtunity to be heard with a third party and instead of me pointing out the laundry list of things he's done wrong, let someone else do it. 
The pain is very deep.


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## stuck on hold (Sep 16, 2013)

alte Dame said:


> I don't understand why you're in MC. I reread your earlier posts. He is an unabashed serial cheater who has cheated your entire marriage, cheated on his other wives, done this to his kids multiple times & is apparently deeply involved with another woman at the moment.
> 
> You don't have to be a rocket scientist to get why you feel disconnected. The question I have is why you haven't kicked him out for good.
> 
> ...


As crazy as it sounds I think I had an ounce of hope left in me. I think I needed to get here on my own time. I know he's a serial cheater of the worst kind and has NO connection to what he's done to his kids etc. Very morbid explanation but just like when a person is dying they sometimes have one last jerk in their limbs before they die, I think thats what was inside of me. I know there is no hope for change in him but before I let go completley I had one last movement of hope. Its not even one big thing that finally did it. Its an awarness that just came over me over a period of many slaps in the face. It wasnt one advice, or one phone call or one particular fight, I just let go. I think even though your head tells you exactly what you just wrote here, you do things when your heart finally gives up and is on the same page with your head. Believe it or not I felt sorry for him during my rage??!!! Oh, he has mommy issues, oh he's on medication, oh he's not stable, oh he grew up with out a father and doesnt now better, I can fix him, I can help him, I can love this out of him, etc etc etc. It all just became real that what my son nees a healthy mother otherwise his dad is going to make us both crazy and my son will have nobody stable. I was trying to ensure he has both of us around full time, now I finally see I need to get him away from him before he hurts my son more....... 

Im not sure if this makes sense but its the crazy world I live in right now.


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## stuck on hold (Sep 16, 2013)

alte Dame said:


> I don't understand why you're in MC. I reread your earlier posts. He is an unabashed serial cheater who has cheated your entire marriage, cheated on his other wives, done this to his kids multiple times & is apparently deeply involved with another woman at the moment.
> 
> You don't have to be a rocket scientist to get why you feel disconnected. The question I have is why you haven't kicked him out for good.
> 
> ...


Also the MC is to be able to end this with the least amount of hurt for the 5 children involved. We cannot speak without it getting out of control or better said, he squirms his way out of it. Having gone through a divorce before I know it gets ugly.


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## stuck on hold (Sep 16, 2013)

MovingAhead said:


> If your husband is a serial cheater, I suggest that you disconnect. I think if you are doing that now, you are doing a real favor for yourself. Self respect is a great thing to have. Everyone deserves it.


Yes, I am feeling better just for the fact that Im respecting myself. Yes its a great thing to have. When I have my moments of depression ( and there are many ) I rest on that feeling. Its better to hurt and cry and respect myself then to stay around and allow someone to treat you like you dont matter.


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## stuck on hold (Sep 16, 2013)

I have posted several different feelings since I found out about the affair and found TAM. I think all who have been in my shoes can agree that this is an emotional rollercoaster. One day you feel like this, one day like that, one day stuck, one day free. Its awful. My children certainly fog my decisions and so every time I turn around there is a new thought and feeling Im having. I hope and Im praying from hear on out its just learning how to embrace the life I NEVER wanted to have again and raising a boy on my own.


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## harrybrown (May 22, 2013)

I hope you will have a better future.

He is a serial cheater. You will be better off without him. Try to go NC with him, and get him out of your life as soon as possible.

I hope you get a good attorney for your divorce.


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

Your WH is selfishness personified. If you are using the MC to segue into D in the most palatable way for your children, then fine. Anyone can understand that.

But you have expended WAY too many tears over a man who compartmentalizes you right into a two-dimensional box that has no feelings that he has to worry about. He has no empathy for you. None.

They say the opposite of love is indifference. I hope that is where you are headed. You deserve an emotional break.


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## Pepper123 (Nov 27, 2012)

I just want to say, that I have an incredible amount of respect for your ability to process what you are going through with a sense of reality. We see so many people on TAM that just want to ignore things -- put their heads in the sand, if you will. 

I know that you feel like you are in a fog, but from your words it just sounds like you are effectively moving through grief. It is a huge loss, but sometimes we have to remove the toxins to heal. 

Best wishes as you move forward.


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## mahike (Aug 16, 2011)

OK now that I know that your WS has a history of this you will need to disconnect and kick him to the curb.

I would suggest you get into IC for yourself


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## stuck on hold (Sep 16, 2013)

alte Dame said:


> Your WH is selfishness personified. If you are using the MC to segue into D in the most palatable way for your children, then fine. Anyone can understand that.
> 
> But you have expended WAY too many tears over a man who compartmentalizes you right into a two-dimensional box that has no feelings that he has to worry about. He has no empathy for you. None.
> 
> They say the opposite of love is indifference. I hope that is where you are headed. You deserve an emotional break.


Yes he is selfiishness personified. The proof is not how he treats me but doing this AGAIN to his own children. He has no empathy at all. You get that from what I write here on TAM. If you were to be a fly on the wall during some of our discussions you'd try to find the nearest window to fly out.


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## stuck on hold (Sep 16, 2013)

Pepper123 said:


> I just want to say, that I have an incredible amount of respect for your ability to process what you are going through with a sense of reality. We see so many people on TAM that just want to ignore things -- put their heads in the sand, if you will.
> 
> I know that you feel like you are in a fog, but from your words it just sounds like you are effectively moving through grief. It is a huge loss, but sometimes we have to remove the toxins to heal.
> 
> Best wishes as you move forward.


Thank you, this actually made me cray. For SO LONG I've been crying and feeling inadequate and just flat out not good enough. Like I was a consequence instead of a blessing. Thank you for writting this. When him and I talk he always makes it seem like Im exagarating or being unreasonable or I dont make sense. Call it denial but it works cause more times then not I walk away more hurt then I was before we spoke.


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## stuck on hold (Sep 16, 2013)

harrybrown, mahike, 

Yes Im going on my own soon. The therapist yesterday said she would be splitting us up to talk to us individually. Im not sure if this counts as IC or should I see someone else completely...


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## karole (Jun 30, 2010)

Have you informed the OW's husband about the affair?


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## stuck on hold (Sep 16, 2013)

If I think back to our dating times he told me in MANY conversations exactly who he was. Why didint I listen? With each and every flag I instantly wrote it off as "well thank God that was then and he's learned his lesson now that he's older". What a fool I was. I believed in him more then he believed in himself. If I were to detail some of the stories he told me you guys would all fall out. I drive in my car and think of all the BOLD RED flags I had and ignored ALL OF THEM. I think or I thought I was a good judge of character but I guess Im not. I bought everything he sold me and now Im paying the price. 
Even though Im aware of his lack of empathy and Im better off and I DO feel little moments of happy when I think of getting him out of my life. I DO feel Im a much better person then he is, I STILL feel this knot in my stomach. I can cry just looking at a picture. I want to tell that girl, RUN!!! LEAVE, YOU DUMMY!!!! I cant wait for this to be over.


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## stuck on hold (Sep 16, 2013)

karole said:


> Have you informed the OW's husband about the affair?


A familily member told me to do that but i dont have the energy atleast right now I dont. I actually want to confront HER. Something tells me when this is all said and done with my soon to be ex, I will address that.


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

Please don't confront her. Remember she doesn't have the same moral compass you do (if she has one at all). So, it's unlikely she'll be shamed by you. However if she is currently married then her H has every right to know what's going on. 

If you haven't had a physical lately be sure to schedule one soon and tell your dr what's going on in your life. You don't want to fall into a depression that incapacitates you and renders you less capable of caring for your kids when they need you most. 
You have my respect and good wishes.


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

stuck on hold said:


> harrybrown, mahike,
> 
> Yes Im going on my own soon. The therapist yesterday said she would be splitting us up to talk to us individually. Im not sure if this counts as IC or should I see someone else completely...


At our center, if a couple is in for therapy, we will often times bring them in individually to get each side of the "story", so that they will be free to speak. Then we will bring them back together for couples therapy. So, splitting each of you up for an individual session is fairly common.

Additionally if we feel someone needs or wants IC, then the counselor who is doing couples therapy, would not be the one doing IC, so another counselor would do that.

There is disagreement in the counseling community about doing MC and while doing IC, particually with just one of the couples. I think some counselors could do it without showing favoraltism to the one or the other.


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## stuck on hold (Sep 16, 2013)

Thorburn said:


> At our center, if a couple is in for therapy, we will often times bring them in individually to get each side of the "story", so that they will be free to speak. Then we will bring them back together for couples therapy. So, splitting each of you up for an individual session is fairly common.
> 
> Additionally if we feel someone needs or wants IC, then the counselor who is doing couples therapy, would not be the one doing IC, so another counselor would do that.
> 
> There is disagreement in the counseling community about doing MC and while doing IC, particually with just one of the couples. I think some counselors could do it without showing favoraltism to the one or the other.


Thank you. I welcom IC and MC and all of that and I know I need it. Im just so exahausted from this all. She asked us both our history of medication, family, etc. When she heard him say he's been seeing a Psychiatrist for the past 8 years and taking anti depressents for that long she put her pen down for a few seconds and looked around. I feel like Im dealing with about 10 issues all at once here. Like a nightmare


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## karole (Jun 30, 2010)

stuck on hold said:


> A familily member told me to do that but i dont have the energy atleast right now I dont. I actually want to confront HER. Something tells me when this is all said and done with my soon to be ex, I will address that.


Stuck, I wish you would reconsider, the OWH deserves to know. If the roles had been reversed, would you want someone to tell you? I would. Did you expose the affair to family and friends?


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## stuck on hold (Sep 16, 2013)

karole said:


> Stuck, I wish you would reconsider, the OWH deserves to know. If the roles had been reversed, would you want someone to tell you? I would. Did you expose the affair to family and friends?


Yes. Family and Friends all know. His ex wife and even her ex husband knows. They know because friends told them. Now I dont know for sure if word got to the husband or not but it did not come from me if it did.


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## mamabear131617 (Oct 5, 2013)

Affaircare said:


> That because what you are mourning is the loss of your illusion.
> 
> In your head you had the illusion that he was a loving, thoughtful, moral, faithful man who cared about you. That illusion was not reality, and now reality has burst it's way into your illusion and shattered the image you had of yourself, your family, and even your marriage. You had things pictured "one way" but in reality they just were NOT that way.
> 
> ...


This exactly! I am right there with you. I have been grieving for weeks and I finally left Wh a couple of days ago. I still get lost in the illusion and grieve of course, I am sure I will for awhile, but every day it becomes clearer and clearer. It really helps being away from him! Not only did my WH cheat, but he was abusive as well. I never realized how much so until after he cheated though. I can breathe again!!! And even though I still find myself missing him, I now know to remind myself what I miss isn't real, it's all an illusion!


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## stuck on hold (Sep 16, 2013)

Everything you write here is how I'm feeling at the moment. He just got home and it wasn't until I see him act as if he has not a care in the world that a tear ran down my face. He is so nonchalant and hums songs and almost skips around the house . Best way I can describe it is like spitting on my grave. It's not bad enough that he abandoned me as his spouse but the abandonment of the friend I thought I had is worse. Yes it's the illusion that I'm hurting for but it hurts still. When you said its better now that your away from him I can totally understand that. 
Why is he still here? Can't tell you really. I thought his freedom is what he wanted. I'm sure he will eventually leave but he hasn't left yet.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Stuck on Hold, you are not disconnecting from anyone. It is your husband who has disconnected from you.

This is all down to him.


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## stuck on hold (Sep 16, 2013)

Mixed with the pain is so much anger and disgust. I just hate how it still affects me to see him so cavalier. I find myself staring at him and feeling hate. I want to say something but I don't want him to know he's affected me. All day I've been about my business and it wasn't till he got home that the emotions run through me like this. I just can't believe this is the man I trusted with my life? 
Yes he disconnected from me 2 years and 12 weeks ago exactly. Im just coming to grips with it now I guess.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## stuck on hold (Sep 16, 2013)

I was just reading the thread " living with a narcissist". On top of the many many issues with him there is no doubt he is a narcissist of the worst kind. I know this behavior is what effects me when I'm trying to look the other way. Since I am not a narcissist I can't relate to someone who just stomps on other peoples feelings with no regrets. 
While we are unraveling this marriage what is the best way to deal and or ignore his ways? I need to be able to separate myself from his lack of connection to what he's done to this family but have trouble doing it when he's around. 
Any suggestions please 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 86857 (Sep 5, 2013)

stuck on hold said:


> I was just reading the thread " living with a narcissist". On top of the many many issues with him there is no doubt he is a narcissist of the worst kind.
> While we are unraveling this marriage what is the best way to deal and or ignore his ways? I need to be able to separate myself from his lack of connection to what he's done to this family but have trouble doing it when he's around.
> Any suggestions please
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Why can't he move out? Rent a room somewhere? Maybe in OW's house if her H doesn't mind? 
Time for you finally to take charge of this situation. 
There's nothing more powerful than silence and it can anger the cr*p out of people..
It must NOT be an angry silence i.e. glaring at him etc. 
It must be an indifferent silence. The opposite of love is indifference.
Say NOTHING to him apart from what is totally necessary. 
If he asks why you're silent, shrug your shoulders. Get used to shrugging your shoulders. If he starts a conversation excuse yourself to go to another room, make a phonecall, make a coffee, read a book, put earphones in, anything. 
It is possible to disconnect with someone if they are in the same room. Look at him and think to yourself "He doesn't exist".
Get yourself into the 'shrug shoulders', 'couldn't give a damn' mindset and it will be as easy as pie. Don't forget to enjoy it! Forget the grieving. You've done enough of that for that creep. 
Get the best lawyer you can.


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## sammy3 (Jun 5, 2011)

It's really funny, anyone who's been on here for awhile, knows I've had a real go at trying to get out of the limbo i created for myself. 

Just yesterday I made the comment to hubster, "Well, I've learned a lot thur this mess you've created for us, and one that I' m really coming to terms with, ... no matter which way we end up, I now know I'll be ok, I wont just die." 

OMG!!! He jumped on that so fast, it was like panic! "What do you mean???" Felt really pretty good, even maybe a turning point for me


~sammy


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