# "Happy wife happy life"



## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

I see this phrase thrown around SO much and every time I do I can't help but to laugh. Heard it at least 5-10 times this week alone.

Don't get me wrong, It's important and true, but it's as significant as "happy husband happy life".

Let's face it, when unhappy men can make the life as miserable for women as the other way around.

Why is it that our society seems to focus this statement on women ONLY? 

Is it because it happens to rhyme? Or is it because that doesn't apply to men?

Why is it that SO many man fail to understand that it's as important for them to be happy as it is for women. It seems like men have put their happiness to the side to satisfy their woman at all cost?

The phrase should really be "happy significant other, happy life".

This gender discrimination within our society seems ridiculously one sided and silly.


----------



## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

Of course it's equally important for both spouses to be and express happy.

It's just a little ditty that someone came up with, I don't think anyone would seriously argue that a man's happiness is just as important to the relationship. Maybe at some point in our past culture, it was perceived that it was harder to make a woman happy because women are more complicated and men are simpler?
That's the cliche, although not always true.
Just guessing.

As an aside, can't cite the studies, but I've read recently that recent research into happiness suggests that our basic happiness
is developed very early and is about 60-70% genetic.

IF there is truth to that it seems like our cards are dealt mostly when we are born, and if you don't get the happiness card, it's an uphill battle the rest of your life. Doesn't mean you can't be happy, it's just that it doesn't come naturally and you really have to work at it.

Notice how some people are just never happy, even when they have it all?

And other people just seem happy as clams even when they possess little and seemingly very simple or humdrum lives?

Food for thought anyway.........


----------



## Sunburn (Jul 9, 2012)

I think it has to do with a historic notion that the "weaker" sex must be afforded concessions, specifically the practice of chivalry in the male-female interaction.

Obviously too much of a good thing has its drawbacks and if one is constantly shelving their own needs for the other a vicious cycle of withdrawal ensues and the relationship disintegrates.


----------



## John Lee (Mar 16, 2013)

I actually always thought that this phrase came about BECAUSE of the gender imbalance -- with the traditional view that women were just supposed to please their men. So it was a way of telling men "you're better off trying to make your woman happy too."


----------



## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

John Lee said:


> I actually always thought that this phrase came about BECAUSE of the gender imbalance -- with the traditional view that women were just supposed to please their men. So it was a way of telling men "you're better off trying to make your woman happy too."


Good point and it very well could be.

But to be honest, based on the history and hell women were put thru........this phrase is FAR FAR FAR from "balance" or offset of the history hehe.


----------



## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

Funny how much I've noticed that me making myself and my family happy seems to make my wife happy.

Hmm.

I think there's something there, but I just can't put my finger on it...


----------



## Anonymous07 (Aug 4, 2012)

John Lee said:


> I actually always thought that this phrase came about BECAUSE of the gender imbalance -- with the traditional view that women were just supposed to please their men. So it was a way of telling men "you're better off trying to make your woman happy too."


:iagree:

Traditionally/In society, women were/are seen as "givers" and "nurturers", as they care for their family and others. They are typically expected to do the child care, housework, and wait hand and foot on their husbands(the stepford wife?). 

I think the saying came around to try to "even out" the gender roles.


----------



## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

I've actually never subscribed to the statement. I guess I just don't agree with it. If I married you than obviously I want to make you happy. However, you should be trying to make me happy too!!!! So many men bend over backwards because of this statement and get burnt. As a couple, you should serve each other. Only put in what you're getting back.


----------



## Forest (Mar 29, 2014)

Does anyone feel that one sex is generally more unhappy than the other? Or, more prone to becoming unhappy over some matter with greater frequency during the course of a day?


----------



## Bobby5000 (Oct 19, 2011)

No, it is an accurate and important statement. 

For example, a couple is buying a home, and trying to select between house A the wife likes, and B, the one the husband prefers. Happy wife happy life, says you let the wife choose. The husband can adapt to the new home. If she likes the house, is intimately available because you she likes her life, is in a good mood, he will be happy regardless of how he originally felt about the house. 

In contrast, if the husband chooses the home and she is unhappy, she will not become more happy because he is, and instead her annoyance and depression will likely make both unhappy.


----------



## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Bobby5000 said:


> No, it is an accurate and important statement.
> 
> For example, a couple is buying a home, and trying to select between house A the wife likes, and B, the one the husband prefers. Happy wife happy life, says you let the wife choose. The husband can adapt to the new home. If she likes the house, is intimately available because you she likes her life, is in a good mood, he will be happy regardless of how he originally felt about the house.
> 
> In contrast, if the husband chooses the home and she is unhappy, she will not become more happy because he is, and instead her annoyance and depression will likely make both unhappy.


That's not a terribly flattering view of women...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Sanity (Mar 7, 2011)

Bobby5000 said:


> No, it is an accurate and important statement.
> 
> For example, a couple is buying a home, and trying to select between house A the wife likes, and B, the one the husband prefers. Happy wife happy life, says you let the wife choose. The husband can adapt to the new home. If she likes the house, is intimately available because you she likes her life, is in a good mood, he will be happy regardless of how he originally felt about the house.
> 
> In contrast, if the husband chooses the home and she is unhappy, she will not become more happy because he is, and instead her annoyance and depression will likely make both unhappy.


Personally I think this is how you treat children, not adults. The couple in your example should act like adults and choose a home together that meets both their needs and wants and compromise on it.


----------



## Forest (Mar 29, 2014)

samyeagar said:


> That's not a terribly flattering view of women...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


But is it accurate to any substantial degree?


----------



## Sanity (Mar 7, 2011)

As a man I personally detest the statement and if this is the definition of a successful marriage then I'm staying single. Any man that subscribes to this is not truly happy and any woman that wants this or demands this position from her husband is selfish and narcissistic.


----------



## Happyfamily (Apr 15, 2014)

It is called a chiasm. Almost like poetry, or music. It is a literary device long known to cunning politicians, preachers, and other con men. 

The form of this one is A-B-A-C, but nearly A-B-A-B because B and C rhyme. 

Happy (A)
Wife (B)
Happy (A)
Life (C)

Chiasms give the appearance of wisdom because of their symmetric beauty, and simple minds can be impressed with very stupid chiasms. 

Here is the same form sometimes used by preachers: "The Bible says Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve." 

We remember chiasms for the same reason we remember songs and poetry. Long before writing, oral tradition took advantage of several different forms of chiasms in order to remember better. That is how I learned about chiasms.

Cadence matters too, along with syllable balance. For example "Happy Wife, Happy Afterlife" doesn't work because there are two syllables in Afterlife. 

Thus, any attempt with husband needs two syllables, like

Happy Husband, Happy Wusband. That would be perfect, if Wusband was actually a word. 

So there is your literary lesson for the day. This statement has nothing to do with women being either more important than men, or weaker, or what have you. It is one of the simplest chiasms of all time, one that can be remembered by the stupidest person amongst us for the rest of their lives after hearing it just once.


----------



## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

Happyfamily said:


> It is called a chiasm. Almost like poetry, or music. It is a literary device long known to cunning politicians, preachers, and other con men.
> 
> The form of this one is A-B-A-C, but nearly A-B-A-B because B and C rhyme.
> 
> ...


Interesting.

I've long been aware of this literary device ,but never knew what was the term used to describe it.
Lol. I used to call it a " hook line."

But you are right ,it is used a lot by con men in public speaking to deceive.
Another method often used is continuously repeating false statistics .

Repeat a lie often enough and it becomes the truth.


----------



## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

I can think of many women I know IRL who would love to have their husbands adopt this attitude. Considering their wives more would go a long way towards mutual marital happiness.

Most women that I know personally put their husbands and children's needs front and center in their lives. They would really appreciate parity.


----------



## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Bobby5000 said:


> No, it is an accurate and important statement.


:rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:



Bobby5000 said:


> For example, a couple is buying a home, and trying to select between house A the wife likes, and B, the one the husband prefers. Happy wife happy life, says you let the wife choose. The husband can adapt to the new home. If she likes the house, is intimately available because you she likes her life, is in a good mood, he will be happy regardless of how he originally felt about the house.
> 
> In contrast, if the husband chooses the home and she is unhappy, she will not become more happy because he is, and instead her annoyance and depression will likely make both unhappy.


I have lots of frequent wild monkey sex that would make any kinkster proud simply because my wife and I don't see the world like that.

When some men and some women stop stereotyping each other and believing things like that, more women and men might have better marriages.


----------



## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

It makes ME happy to please my husband.. it brings him happiness to please ME.. it goes both ways.. this does wonders for any marriage.. we BOTH need to care and please each other. 

I would only be shooting myself in the foot if I didn't greatly care about HIS happiness, as his attitude would be sullen , he might take it out on the kids, emotionally he would grow just a little colder..... and he would see the effects on ME if he suddenly showed how little he cared how I felt.. 

One side is not more important over the other...EVER....we are here to encourage, help and soothe each other.. if one has had a bad day at work...for instance... we listen, we offer our support..

Though I will admit I am the more difficult to please between me and my husband.. I have more specific plans, what I want to see in life (my bucket list)... things I enjoy .....he is a pretty easy going guy...doesn't have as long of a list as me... 

That could be said of any couple though..and sometimes it's the men who are harder to please, yet the wife is up to the task in keeping him satisfied....this is what compatibility is all about....after all..


----------



## Miss Taken (Aug 18, 2012)

It comes across to me as the female equivalent of saying that all a man needs is sex and a sandwich. However I think this is only one way to look at it.

The other way to look at it would be that it means to choose someone who is already happy within themselves and your life will be happ(ier). Looking at it that way, I think there is some truth to that.

Not that a man needs to bend over backwards or jump through hoops to make his wife happy. You can't make someone who chooses to be miserable suddenly become happy. My MIL is proof of that. She has a good husband who has worked hard to provide, huge house, doesn't need to work, a vacation home, beautiful grandchildren, close relationships with most of her kids, money for whatever she wants/needs and is a miserably bitter person most of the time.

The problem isn't that my FIL doesn't try to make her happy. The problem is that she just isn't a happy person inside. No matter what he does for her, that will never change. In turn, his life isn't as happy as it could be had he married someone with a happier disposition.


----------



## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

Bobby5000 said:


> No, it is an accurate and important statement.
> 
> For example, a couple is buying a home, and trying to select between house A the wife likes, and B, the one the husband prefers. Happy wife happy life, says you let the wife choose. The husband can adapt to the new home. If she likes the house, is intimately available because you she likes her life, is in a good mood, he will be happy regardless of how he originally felt about the house.
> 
> In contrast, if the husband chooses the home and she is unhappy, she will not become more happy because he is, and instead her annoyance and depression will likely make both unhappy.


Disagree x 1000

You both better be happy with your home, or it's no home at all.


----------



## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Honestly, sometimes I wish it were harder to please dh. There is really no challenge to it at all. I really feel like just being here, just having shown up in his life, is about all I needed to do to make him happy. Very low maintenance guy. 

Or maybe we are just very compatible!


----------



## Omego (Apr 17, 2013)

Bobby5000 said:


> No, it is an accurate and important statement.
> 
> For example, a couple is buying a home, and trying to select between house A the wife likes, and B, the one the husband prefers. Happy wife happy life, says you let the wife choose. The husband can adapt to the new home. If she likes the house, is intimately available because you she likes her life, is in a good mood, he will be happy regardless of how he originally felt about the house.
> 
> In contrast, if the husband chooses the home and she is unhappy, she will not become more happy because he is, and instead her annoyance and depression will likely make both unhappy.


:iagree:

I don't understand why everyone is bashing the statement. Phrases such as the one quoted by the OP are simply catch phrases designed to get people to reflect on a main idea, not to be taken as absolute, all-encompassing messages.

H and I bought the house together. I chose it. He agreed but never would have chosen it himself. Had I been obliged to "compromise" with him, we'd be living in an ultra-functional dwelling with no character. I'm sensitive to my surroundings. I would have been indeed unhappy in a different style of house.

Yes, I got my way, I'm happy with the situation, so I'm willing to give in on other things which I'd normally not prefer. It is a true give and take, but based on my experience, I feel that women often "give" more. Reciprocity is indeed very important.


----------



## Omego (Apr 17, 2013)

marduk said:


> Disagree x 1000
> 
> You both better be happy with your home, or it's no home at all.


Everything is not so black and white. One person could prefer a certain type of home, and the other could agree, especially if it doesn't make a huge difference to the other party (in this example, the H).


----------



## Omego (Apr 17, 2013)

jld said:


> I can think of many women I know IRL who would love to have their husbands adopt this attitude. Considering their wives more would go a long way towards mutual marital happiness.
> 
> Most women that I know personally put their husbands and children's needs front and center in their lives. They would really appreciate parity.


:iagree: :iagree: I do have parity, but I realize that it's not always the case. And frankly, there were times when I didn't get it, early on in our marriage, which caused problems. I'm very thankful that my H finally "gets it".


----------



## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

jld said:


> Honestly, sometimes I wish it were harder to please dh. There is really no challenge to it at all. I really feel like just being here, just having shown up in his life, is about all I needed to do to make him happy. Very low maintenance guy.
> 
> Or maybe we are just very compatible!


 I have had the most silly arguments with my husband over this.. I tell Him he is too easy to please... would he please ask more from me.. so I can outdo myself!! Especially in the bedroom..

Though we are very compatible ....this does help... we just happen to enjoy & take pleasure in so many of the same things in life....and it's for real.. he isn't putting himself down or anything....so this flows very nicely...


----------



## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

SimplyAmorous said:


> I have had the most silly arguments with my husband over this.. I tell Him he is too easy to please... would he please ask more from me.. so I can outdo myself!! Especially in the bedroom..
> 
> Though we are very compatible ....this does help... we just happen to enjoy & take pleasure in so many of the same things in life....and it's for real.. he isn't putting himself down or anything....so this flows very nicely...


Lol, SA. Dh and I don't have much drama in our life, either. He and I are so boring!


----------



## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

SimplyAmorous said:


> I have had the most silly arguments with my husband over this.. I tell Him he is too easy to please... would he please ask more from me.. so I can outdo myself!! Especially in the bedroom..
> 
> Though we are very compatible ....this does help... we just happen to enjoy & take pleasure in so many of the same things in life....and it's for real.. he isn't putting himself down or anything....so this flows very nicely...


This reminds me of earlier in our marriage , like during the first seven years . My wife used to constantly ask me if she was a good wife.

I always tried to reassure her , yes,hun, stop worrying about that, even when we had our misunderstandings.

Now in hindsight I realize how lucky we were. I didn't really 
" get" how important compatibility is. But now I get it.


----------



## Sunburn (Jul 9, 2012)

Bobby5000 said:


> No, it is an accurate and important statement.
> 
> For example, a couple is buying a home, and trying to select between house A the wife likes, and B, the one the husband prefers. Happy wife happy life, says you let the wife choose. The husband can adapt to the new home. If she likes the house, is intimately available because you she likes her life, is in a good mood, he will be happy regardless of how he originally felt about the house.
> 
> In contrast, if the husband chooses the home and she is unhappy, she will not become more happy because he is, and instead her annoyance and depression will likely make both unhappy.


Though I see the alleged cause and affect from both sides this also subscribes to the notion of keeping your spouse happy even at the expense of stupid choices. 

In the house buying example suppose the wife just likes it cause it has a pool while the husband is calculating the pool maintenance costs and also sees it needs a new roof, there's mold in the basement, yard is rife with weeds, the interior is stuck in the 70's and there's no AC.

Using my own experience, my X was very spontaneous and emotional in her decision making which would often result in costing me a lot of money or a lot of time in repair/maintenance or both. Doesn't really spark much intimacy if you're always having to follow up on bad choices.


----------



## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Sunburn said:


> Though I see the alleged cause and affect from both sides this also subscribes to the notion of keeping your spouse happy even at the expense of stupid choices.
> 
> In the house buying example suppose the wife just likes it cause it has a pool while the husband is calculating the pool maintenance costs and also sees it needs a new roof, there's mold in the basement, yard is rife with weeds, the interior is stuck in the 70's and there's no AC.
> 
> Using my own experience, my X was very spontaneous and emotional in her decision making which would often result in costing me a lot of money or a lot of time in repair/maintenance or both. Doesn't really spark much intimacy if you're always having to follow up on bad choices.


As a woman I would feel the same as you and BULK like MAD against a purchase like that...I'm not an spontaneous decision maker, I usually regret things like that -in the few times I have done it -even loosing money -to get out of it (a house mentioned below like that)..

Each couple needs to weigh the pros and cons of every decision before going forth.. sometimes that isn't easy....and it may take some time before peace is found even...

Me and my H are both very frugal ... I know if wanted to buy a house in need of an overhaul , I'd be right there beside him -sacrificing our time, strapping the tool belt on.... so that would need factored in to these decisions.. one shouldn't be left with all the hard work , while the other gets off... 

Actually we did buy a 2nd house like this..needed a new roof, yard needed tons of dirt... even needed to lay cement in a room, we busted out walls for windows, we added a furnace/built a chimney... painted it..remolded the bathroom... it needed so much work!!!....but it was more for an investment ...a steal deal to get into -considering it had a little land..(cheaper than rent)....we did work our butts off for 2 yrs in preparation -just to sell it & make a profit, it did work out well for us... but boy was it a lot of work.

Though we were united on the intended goal.

It saved us lots of money in the long run...wouldn't care to do that again though. But it had it's time and it's purpose in our lives...had we bought the other more expensive house that I put down $1,000 on then we changed our minds (even loosing $500 of that cause we wanted out of it )... I think we wouldn't have been able to sell and be where we are today...

The main thing is a couple going forth together...otherwise someone is going to feel resentment over feeling their feeling, wants, needs were completely brushed off and not important...


----------



## Anonymous07 (Aug 4, 2012)

jld said:


> I can think of many women I know IRL who would love to have their husbands adopt this attitude. Considering their wives more would go a long way towards mutual marital happiness.
> 
> Most women that I know personally put their husbands and children's needs front and center in their lives. They would really appreciate parity.


:iagree: :iagree:

I tend to give a lot more of myself than my husband does and it would mean a lot if my husband did more for me, since his needs and our son's needs always come first for me. I think my marriage could be very different if my husband didn't act as selfish.


----------



## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

(((Anonymous 7)))

This is what I have mostly seen in life, A7: selfish men. But I know the men on TAM are not like this. It is just the ones I have known IRL. 

Do you think your husband feels he is not selfish, that in his own way, he gives a lot?


----------



## staarz21 (Feb 6, 2013)

I think people say, "happy wife, happy life" more...because it Rhymes. Seriously. I don't really know anyone who actually thinks that the woman is the only person who should be happy in the relatoinship. 

Let's see, quotes for husbands...hmmm

Take a stand, make a happy husband? meh...

Oh I know....

Shrink your waste band, have a happy husband? Seems offensive...

Well, I'm not very good a Rhyming...but anyway...

Yeah...


----------



## Happyfamily (Apr 15, 2014)

Caribbean Man said:


> Interesting.
> 
> I've long been aware of this literary device ,but never knew what was the term used to describe it.
> Lol. I used to call it a " hook line."
> .


Some say the most powerful Chiasm is the form A-B-B-A

Kennedy's "Ask not what your country can do for you...ask what you can do for your country" is that form, and it is a stupid false dichotomy.

Just make them up on your own. They're easy:

Control your drinking...before your drinking controls you.
love your dog...and your dog will love you

There is no French or German equivalent for "Happy Wife, Happy Life" because there is no rhyme in wife and life for those languages.

That's what proves this as a chiasm having nothing to do with wisdom or cultural gender bias. But the thing to remember, as politicians and shady preachers do - they work. You just watch people go on for pages about it.

The Gospel of Mark is a great example of a literary work that is full of every manner of chiasm, meant for oral delivery almost like a play, along with other structural features best seen in Greek that make it clear it isn't history. The geographic absurdities make literary sense, not historical sense.

*Starzz* - see my post about chiasms. You are right about the rhyme. But it is more powerful than that because of the symmetry.


----------



## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

Bobby5000 said:


> No, it is an accurate and important statement.
> 
> For example, a couple is buying a home, and trying to select between house A the wife likes, and B, the one the husband prefers. Happy wife happy life, says you let the wife choose. The husband can adapt to the new home. If she likes the house, is intimately available because you she likes her life, is in a good mood, he will be happy regardless of how he originally felt about the house.
> 
> In contrast, if the husband chooses the home and she is unhappy, she will not become more happy because he is, and instead her annoyance and depression will likely make both unhappy.


No way, funny you said this. We were watching House Hunters the other day and the lady just OWNED the man on choosing the house. She didn't even give him ANY say.

It was SO pathetic.....and she seemed so out of her mind.

I would never EVER agree to buying a house that I didn't like "just because my wife loves it". It will have to come down to both of our compromises on this subject. She will like some of it and not like the other parts, same for me.

No such a thing as perfect house.


----------



## Anonymous07 (Aug 4, 2012)

jld said:


> (((Anonymous 7)))
> 
> This is what I have mostly seen in life, A7: selfish men. But I know the men on TAM are not like this. It is just the ones I have known IRL.
> 
> Do you think your husband feels he is not selfish, that in his own way, he gives a lot?


He didn't/doesn't think he has been selfish. He talks about how he works more hours than me(being the primary bread winner), cooks occasionally, and so on, which all of that is nice, but they are things that would have to get done no matter what. They're necessities. 

As time has gone on he has realized more of what I have put into the marriage(proofread his papers/helped him through school, cook, clean, work part-time, emotional support/listening to him vent daily, met his sexual needs, childcare/getting up throughout the night as he sleeps, etc.), but it's slow coming and unfortunately, I have a lot of resentment. He tends to think of his needs first, while I put him and our son ahead of myself, which does not work well for me.


----------



## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

jld said:


> I can think of many women I know IRL who would love to have their husbands adopt this attitude. Considering their wives more would go a long way towards mutual marital happiness.
> 
> Most women that I know personally put their husbands and children's needs front and center in their lives. They would really appreciate parity.


Do any have available sisters to date? I have known many women to put their priority in their children above themselves. Rarely a husband. With exception of my mother never known a one actually


----------



## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

staarz21 said:


> I think people say, "happy wife, happy life" more...because it Rhymes. Seriously. I don't really know anyone who actually thinks that the woman is the only person who should be happy in the relatoinship.
> 
> Let's see, quotes for husbands...hmmm
> 
> ...


The husband equivalent is "husband is best when he is satisfied to rest". Common saying in the Midwest basically meaning full stomach and sexually satisfied makes him happy and agreeable.


----------



## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Wolf1974 said:


> Do any have available sisters to date? I have known many women to put their priority in their children above themselves. Rarely a husband. With exception of my mother never known a one actually


Seriously, Wolf? And you are a Midwesterner, too?

My sisters spent their lives working full-time, raising kids, and taking care of a house while their husbands worked, drank, played golf, and, in the case of two of them, cheated on them.

Maybe we know the same people, but see them differently?


----------



## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

DoF said:


> I see this phrase thrown around SO much and every time I do I can't help but to laugh. Heard it at least 5-10 times this week alone.


Maybe I've seen it before today, but the version I've heard is:

"If Momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy."

I think that's true. However, keeping Momma happy is counterintuitive.


----------



## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Machiavelli said:


> Maybe I've seen it before today, but the version I've heard is:
> 
> "If Momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy."
> 
> I think that's true. However, keeping Momma happy is counterintuitive.


Mach, plenty of women appreciate genuinely nice, helpful men. 

Marriage is serious. It is not just physical attraction. 

A man that a woman would have an affair with is not necessarily one she would marry.


----------



## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

jld said:


> Mach, plenty of women appreciate genuinely nice, helpful men.
> 
> Marriage is serious. It is not just physical attraction.
> 
> A man that a woman would have an affair with is not necessarily one she would marry.


That's the difference between sexual market value and marriage market value. Unfortunately, without a certain level of sexual attraction on Daddy's part, Momma will soon be banging some other dude with a lower marriage market value and a higher sexual market value. It's the invisible hand of the open market.


----------



## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

I know a lot of moms, Mach, but IRL I am not sure I know any who have had an affair. The ones I know are dedicated to their families, and often wish their husbands would be. And I mean that sincerely.

Maybe it is just my corner of the Midwest.


----------



## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

jld said:


> I know a lot of moms, Mach, but IRL I am not sure I know any who have had an affair. The ones I know are dedicated to their families, and often wish their husbands would be. And I mean that sincerely.
> 
> Maybe it is just my corner of the Midwest.


Are you saying the women are happy or unhappy?


----------



## Anonymous07 (Aug 4, 2012)

jld said:


> I know a lot of moms, Mach, but IRL I am not sure I know any who have had an affair. The ones I know are dedicated to their families, and often wish their husbands would be. And I mean that sincerely.
> 
> Maybe it is just my corner of the Midwest.


I see this a lot where I am in Calif. 

All of my mom friends put their kid(s)' and spouse's needs before their own. They do everything they can for their family and I know none of them have had affairs. We talk a lot about how it would be nice to see the husbands put in more effort as well.


----------



## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Machiavelli said:


> Are you saying the women are happy or unhappy?


I think they are dedicated. I don't think happy or unhappy drives their decisions.


----------



## phoenix_ (Dec 20, 2013)

It's probably because most men are more mentally stable than women, so if your wife is angry then you're going to have a very difficult time.


----------



## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

phoenix_ said:


> It's probably because most men are more mentally stable than women, so if your wife is angry then you're going to have a very difficult time.


Phoenix.


----------



## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

jld said:


> I think they are dedicated. I don't think happy or unhappy drives their decisions.


Dedicated is good and is to be lauded. Just don't let unhappiness overcome the dedication.


----------



## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

phoenix_ said:


> It's probably because most men are more mentally stable than women, so if your wife is angry then you're going to have a very difficult time.


I wouldn't confuse different types of instability with being stable.

Yes, I find most women insane.

But then I look around at all the overweight, poorly dressed, stoop shouldered guys shuffling around looking at their shoes, and I think most men are insane as well.

I, for one, have a nasty habit of getting lost in logical conundrums of my own creation whereby being put in no-win scenarios of my own imagining. "Why doesn't she..." "Why won't she..." "How could she..."

This is of course insane and the cost for the mind that I have.

You are not your mind. It's another tool in the toolbox, that's all.

A very over-rated one at times, in fact.


----------



## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

Omego said:


> Everything is not so black and white. One person could prefer a certain type of home, and the other could agree, especially if it doesn't make a huge difference to the other party (in this example, the H).


Either I'm not following your logic or I'm missing the point.

If one party didn't particularly care, then they would be happy with the house.

However if one party wanted the house and the other didn't...

Time to look for a different house.

It's like having a pet. Or a kid. Or having your mother-in-law live with you.

You both have to be on board with it; there's two people's happiness at stake.


----------



## tennisstar (Dec 19, 2011)

My husband subscribes to that theory. He puts in a lot of effort in our marriage. We both work full time. I spend more time cleaning the inside of the house, but he does a lot of outside work. We pay for yard service (very cheap). Neither of us cooks much anymore. Our kids are grown, so we live alone. 

My husband is good about doing errands etc. He often does our shopping. I think he feels he needs to do more because I make quote a bit more money. Maybe I feel that way too, even though I shouldn't feel that way.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

DoF said:


> No way, funny you said this. We were watching House Hunters the other day and the lady just OWNED the man on choosing the house. She didn't even give him ANY say.
> 
> It was SO pathetic.....and she seemed so out of her mind.
> 
> ...


HA, House Hunters was one of the first things that popped into my mind when I read your OP! Some of the women on that show are UNBELIEVABLE! It kills me how they pick everything apart and have these ridiculous expectations, and treat the husband like he doesnt even count! (granted sometimes the H is the PITA, more often the W) 

The whole happy wife thing has NOT been the experience in MY life. I grew up with a dad who controlled every single thing in our household and our lives. It was ridiculous, and made for a miserable childhood at home, tiptoeing around, trying not to talk too loud, or make too much noise, and seeing mom get NO say in anything. Then I ended up in pretty much the same kind of marriage, which luckily I wised up and got out of in pretty short order. Thats why I always kind of scoff when someone throws out that saying.


----------



## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

I think it's usually used in relation to a man "giving in", or being maniuplated into something either dumb or something he does not want to do. All this under the promise of "making her happy" which we all know leads to way more sex than when you do things to make her unhappy. The thing is the happy wife happy life guys don't get much sex anyway.


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

I see it as no different than the "Get in the kitchen and make a sandwich" (and give a bl*w job) sayings.


----------



## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

How about, "The way to a man's heart is through his stomach". I think that one was invented before people referred to sex.


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Hicks said:


> How about, "The way to a man's heart is through his stomach". I think that one was invented before people referred to sex.


:iagree: Ding ding ding!

That one came way before the sandwiches phrase. LOL.


----------



## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

Anonymous07 said:


> I see this a lot where I am in Calif.
> 
> All of my mom friends put their kid(s)' and spouse's needs before their own. They do everything they can for their family and I know none of them have had affairs. We talk a lot about how it would be nice to see the husbands put in more effort as well.


How do you know????

I am sure most people would think my wife put's her kids and spouse's needs before her own. To the outside world, all looks perfect. She looks after herself. Cooks great meals. House is always clean. She works out each day and is in great shape.

But she hasn't initiated so much as a hug in about 6 months. And rejects me 95% of the time that I try to get close to her.


----------



## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

Eh,when I hear a man utter this I always look at him like "who neutered you?". When I hear a woman say the heart/stomach thing I always look at her like "what brainless neanderthals are you dating anyway?"
jk


Obviously,both people need to be happy in order for life to be happy. I think it's about knowing yourself and knowing which things can be a compromise and which things are absolutely unmovable. Then find someone who gets close enough to sharing those unmovable things that you don't end up hating/killing each other.


----------



## Happyfamily (Apr 15, 2014)

Machiavelli said:


> Maybe I've seen it before today, but the version I've heard is:
> 
> "If Momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy."
> 
> I think that's true. However, keeping Momma happy is counterintuitive.


Another chiasm. 

That form is A-B-C...B-D-C

One rule on chiasms is that the shorter they are, the more power it has over simple minds.


----------



## Anonymous07 (Aug 4, 2012)

SadSamIAm said:


> How do you know????
> 
> I am sure most people would think my wife put's her kids and spouse's needs before her own. To the outside world, all looks perfect. She looks after herself. Cooks great meals. House is always clean. She works out each day and is in great shape.
> 
> But she hasn't initiated so much as a hug in about 6 months. And rejects me 95% of the time that I try to get close to her.


Sorry to hear about your wife. 

I know this because my other mom friends and I talk. We talk about how we wish our husbands would put in more effort and help out more. As an example, all of the middle of the night child care tends to always fall on us and if he would, every once in a while, get up to help, it would mean a lot, but it doesn't happen. 

If I'm treated like a maid/childcare provider, I'm not going to feel frisky on my husband's time schedule. If my husband is rude/selfish, I may lose respect for him him and won't be interested. 

I always make sure my husband and son are taken care of first, then my needs. I know my friends are the same way. Although, lately I have been more firm in standing up for myself.


----------



## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

Anonymous07 said:


> Sorry to hear about your wife.
> 
> I know this because my other mom friends and I talk. We talk about how we wish our husbands would put in more effort and help out more. As an example, all of the middle of the night child care tends to always fall on us and if he would, every once in a while, get up to help, it would mean a lot, but it doesn't happen.
> 
> ...


In other words, you don't know! All you know is what your friends tell you. I am sure all my wife's friends think she is the perfect wife as well.


----------



## karole (Jun 30, 2010)

_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## melw74 (Dec 12, 2013)

Yes happy wife, happy life. I am happy because my husband makes me happy, and my husband is happy because i make him happy....

I enjoy pleasing him. This makes him happy, and seeing him happy makes me happy.


----------



## Anonymous07 (Aug 4, 2012)

SadSamIAm said:


> In other words, you don't know! All you know is what your friends tell you. I am sure all my wife's friends think she is the perfect wife as well.


I know my friends' character. I'm very good at seeing who someone is and if that friend isn't the type of person I would want myself to act like, I don't keep them as friends. We talk about our husbands and our own screw ups, so I do know who they are.

Obviously no one is perfect(I'm not and neither is anyone else), but I see it often that women will do a majority of the workload for their family and they want their husbands to put in more effort, too.


----------



## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Bobby5000 said:


> No, it is an accurate and important statement.
> 
> For example, a couple is buying a home, and trying to select between house A the wife likes, and B, the one the husband prefers. Happy wife happy life, says you let the wife choose. The husband can adapt to the new home.  If she likes the house, is intimately available because you she likes her life, is in a good mood, he will be happy regardless of how he originally felt about the house.
> 
> In contrast, if the husband chooses the home and she is unhappy, she will not become more happy because he is, and instead her annoyance and depression will likely make both unhappy.


Why on earth did I end up with a strong-willed husband with an opinion?

We are currently house-hunting and we have an agreed understanding that we both need to be on the same page about it and if we're not, we simply move on and continue searching. It's too important of a decision for us to not both love our home. 

We had a laugh yesterday after viewing a house as hubs noted how we are compared to other couples. They walk around together, talking and pointing out what they like and don't like, spending a fair bit of time doing so. Him and I separate and view the house in our own way, poker faced, hubs bringing out his iphone as a compass to see which direction the land is facing in terms of sunlight etc. Then we meet up a short time later and either give a nod or shake of the head. Together we mention what we like and don't like to the realtor so they're aware of what we are looking for so they can help us with our search. In the car is when we talk in detail and share the experience with one another.

I got way off-track. I'd thought the saying was for the husband to give in so he didn't have to put up with nagging. It's insulting to both genders.


----------



## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

LOL My husband is the one who made the final decision on our house. I was getting really frustrated with him bc he kept turning down all the houses I loved for various reasons.I was ready to have a melt down by the time we found our current home. He walked in and was like "yes." and I was like "oh for f**k's sake,finally.yes."


----------



## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

My husband is being pickier than me too but I get what he's seeing/not seeing in the places so we move on....but when we do find our next home, the champagne will be opened and I fully intend on hiccuping with joy and declaring, "Finally!"


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

House hunting can be so frustrating but in the end, when you fine THE ONE, it's so fun.


----------



## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> House hunting can be so frustrating but in the end, when you fine THE ONE, it's so fun.


The very first weekend we looked, I found THE ONE. But I agreed with hubs that we ought to look around at other houses just to be sure. By the time we were ready to go back to that house a few weeks later, it was already sold! We now refer to it as, "The one that got away." We were then outbid on another. The search continues...!

We've seen a house online that looks like a strong contender. I told hubs I'd call the realtor and buy it over the phone sight unseen. He inhaled and said no! (hahah... like I would do that - but I will arrange a viewing time) 

I singingly replied, "Happy wife happy life!"

To which he responded, "I look in the mirror before work and tell myself, now let's go out there and try to make this b*tch happy!" 

:rofl: .....whah?!! 

He smirked and said, "Chris Rock".


----------



## SoWhat (Jan 7, 2012)

The Paradox of Declining Female Happiness

Do you think men are more or less receptive to the idea of "Happy wife, happy life" than they were 40 years ago? Do you think men do more or less household chores than they did 40 years ago? 

Tangentially related: 
Why husbands who share household chores miss out on sex - CNN.com


----------



## Anonymous07 (Aug 4, 2012)

Jellybeans said:


> House hunting can be so frustrating but in the end, when you fine THE ONE, it's so fun.


:iagree:

I hate house hunting. We looked at so many different places and none seemed to work well for both of us. Then we finally found the place we're moving into in 2 weeks! Can't wait to be moved in and done with everything. Finally! Luckily we easily agreed on our place.


----------



## Omego (Apr 17, 2013)

marduk said:


> Either I'm not following your logic or I'm missing the point.
> 
> If one party didn't particularly care, then they would be happy with the house.
> 
> .


^^^^
Yes, of course. My H would not have chosen this house if he had been the one to search, but he is not unhappy with my choice. Yet, it was MY choice, not his. He simply agreed to it. Housing, decoration, etc. is not a priority to him, that's why he let me choose. He knows this kind of thing is important to me and less so to him. Same goes for interior decorating. So, in this respect, I got my way. 

That's what I meant when I said it's not so black and white.


----------

