# If this isn't a sign to move on, then I don't know what is



## lovestruckout (Jul 6, 2011)

My WW turned my world upside down with her serial cheating and psychopathic symptoms of no emotion or remorse. Only after blowing her out of the water did she step out of the fog.

Like many on here, so much damage, but I care for her, possibly still love her. But our relationship is book ended with affairs - she was dating another guy in a full fledged relationship when we got engaged and it continued into our engagement (she picked me instead of him for marriage, I win?), and this year, I exposed another full on relationship where the OM had fallen in love with her. She admitted to me she wouldn't have stopped the affair without me finding out.

Since my wife was so selfish that she kept me caged up when we were still dating, yet had a 2nd relationship (had she been mature and said we needed a break to date others, things would be much different - we found our way back to each other before), I wouldn't be so wildly curious as to what it's like to date someone else. I came into myself late in life, pretty much at the time she was emotionally abusing me, yet I've been able to control the impulse to wander. This is really the only woman I truly had a long term relationship with, and now that she destroyed all I knew, inevitably I'm absurdly curious as to what else is out there.

Such a terrible reward for trying to do everything right. My therapist pretty much said he thinks I need to try out dating some other girls before even considering reconciliation with my wife. He thinks I'll eat myself up from the inside, or become my wife and cheat on her in the future. I don't disagree, and while being separated isn't the same as a clean divorce, at least it's not having an affair while one is thinking everything is fine and dandy in marriage. My wife has excepted I may be with other girls - crazy how much she wants to be with me (amazing really given her past, it certainly suggests otherwise).

So get this, I sublease an apartment from a random CL ad, and when I meet the lessor for the first time, she is cute, cool, and it was almost like we had immediate chemistry. We both were almost puzzled. And we have kept in touch. I was upfront with her about my baggage, and she is ok with it. Crazy. This is like another version of a cute person sitting next to you on a plane - it rarely happens, and if it does, does it amount to anything? Typically not.

Went out with her and some of her friends last night, and it was the most fun I have had since May. Really going to focus on taking things extremely slow, and I do not want to hurt this girl so I told her that if she meets someone else she should not hesitate to try things out as my future is uncertain with my WW. I know everyone can't be happy when a relationship ends, but I suppose you can be respectful with someone vs. being a selfish bastard and lead them on. I felt much better after I told her about my situation.

I guess this new girl gives me hope, at the least, that perhaps there are greener pastures, at a time when my optimism is blown to pieces.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

I could use a sign like that...

seriously though, my confidence level and self-esteem were doing pretty good early on in this, but it seems to be a false recovery as my self-image is spiralling down... I've always considered myself fairly attractive physically, and with my choices in life, a great father, good career, responsible etc, but I'm wondering how much I actually fit onto that positive self-image that now seems like a small piece of history, one which was squandered on long-term relationships that failed, and robbed me of the chance to have fun in life. And if that wasted time really has defined me to the point where I will never be fully whole and healthy?? I'm not getting any younger, yet I keep finding my gaze drawn to beautiful young women who I can't help but realize I probably will never have a chance with, nor would it be a good thing if I could because at this point in my life my priorities are naturally to growing old with someone, raising my son preparing him for his own family someday... why can't I avoid looking so far down the road because it is keeping me from having any kind of fun along the way, I'm so set on the destination its truly depressing.

argh, anyway ok I think its out of my system, sorry to hijack this thread for my outburst. LSO, I'm glad life is presenting you some appealing options and hope it keeps up!!


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## ing (Mar 26, 2011)

This happened to me. I met someone who despite myself. Sure I was on dating sites with "FRIENDS ONLY" in my profile.
I was totally upfront about my situation. I am totally upfront about where i up to with my stbxw.
Going slow.. Go glacial. You are still hurting and as much as she wants she can't understand when something nice she does, triggers you and you are a mess for 30 mins. 

In my case, my new GF, without thinking, warmed up a towel for me before I went for a shower. I was on the bathroom floor because in 25 years my exwife not once thought of a little thing like that. 
" But i only warmed a towel!"
So that made it worse.. lol

She understands. We come with not only baggage, but with a lot of misdirected love and misdirected pain. Some days i love her so hard. Others I wonder what I am doing.
Just so ya know..
Would I do it again.. Damn right I would


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## ing (Mar 26, 2011)

Lon said:


> I'm not getting any younger, yet I keep finding my gaze drawn to beautiful young women who I can't help but realize I probably will never have a chance with, nor would it be a good thing if I could because at this point in my life my priorities are naturally to growing old with someone, raising my son preparing him for his own family someday...


Keeping up with someone new your own age is hard enough.:lol:


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## lovestruckout (Jul 6, 2011)

How is this for a response...as I didn't want to find myself becoming a story teller (liar) as general details were being asked of each other, I gave the new girl an option, A or B. A was I discuss my baggage. B was I don't cause right now it hardly matters, but if she had questions I'd answer.

She responded "I choose B, but I am curious. I would guess kids, but I wouldn't consider that baggage, really. *So, what was the charge and how much time did you do"*?

Awesome response, IMO.


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