# New Here



## Ready To Give Up (Feb 7, 2009)

Hello everyone,

I am new to this site and am so thankful there is a place where people can go on the net to get advice concerning relationships! Well, here is my story.

I'm 25, my partner is 31. We have been together for 5years and have 2 children together and I have 1 from a previous relationship so we have 3 children in our family. Our son is 2yrs old and I am 9 months pregnant with our 3rd. Things have been bad between us since the beginning and I had the false hope that things were going to get better one day. We have broken up twice, our relationship got physical(violent) both times. Well, I refuse to live with now until we get family counseling and he deals with his anger and issues that he has.

So now, I am staying with my parents, they have a 1 bdrm basement suite that I am renting out. Things are tough financially. He got laid off from his job and thankfully found another one a couple weeks later. Well, he had to move out of a his place because he couldn't afford the rent so he was staying with me and my parents for a couple weeks. He ended up getting kicked out, due to his "anger" problems, he tried to yell at me in front of my family and my parents gave him the boot. So, he found a place and acquired debt because he maxed his credit card/overdraft out. We also have a car(under both our names) that he is making the monthly payments. It's a new car and very, very expensive! He is contributing nothing financially towards our family because of his expensive rent/car payments. I didn't qualify for Mat. Leave since I didn't have enough hours so I am pretty much relying upon the good graces of my family to take of me and the kids which makes me feel like a huge mooch!! I asked him to either get a roommate or find a way to get rid of the car and his response was extremely defensive. He says he doesn't want a roommate because then he won't be able to visit with our son at his place and he won't get rid of the car because he needs it to get to work. I explained that he needs to do something with his financial situation because he very well cannot just make 2 kids and not pay for them. Then he starts telling me that it's my fault too because if I didn't leave him then he could take care of us if we were all under the same roof. So, he finds a way to constantly point the finger at me and blame me for everything. And, to tell you the truth, I am so sick of it! So, I emailed him and told him that I am done with this and he just start setting up visits with our son from now on 'cause I no longer want to be in a relationship where the other party is not willing to compromise. 

But since the beginning of our relationship, I have always been the one that paid most of the bills and had savings stashed away for a rainy day. I dont' know how many times he has come to me with not a penny to shwo for himself. He spends his money until it's gone and has always contributed the "bare minimum" to the family. He is the only one that drives our nice car and contributes nothing to ensuring that me and the children have a vehicle to use. We live 1 town away from him, he has bus transit accesss, we live in the country where there are no buses. My parents let me use their vehicle when they are at work and he rubs that in my face anytime I ask if we can use the car. 

I am ready to just give up for good this time!! Everyone tells me he is no good and I guess I always held onto that hope that he will change one day. Well, I clearly see now that he is selfish and always will be. I am to the point where I just don't care if we work out. I can see now that I can make it as a single mother, once I have this baby I will give my body time to heal and go back to work asap. My parents have supported me and the kids from day 1 and have indicated that they will always be there to watch the kids if I need them so I can work. I daydream how things can work without him and I think he senses that. 

I just dont know if family counseling will be enough to save this relationship. I somehow don't think so. Too much has happened and continues to happen. 

Sorry if this is too much to read, I just needed to get it out and off my chest.


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## T-Dub (Feb 2, 2009)

This is not too much to read. To me it seems that he is mostly worried about himself and not you at all. He needs to comprimise, and realize that his family comes first and not him. I sense alot of resentment. This is a great site, people respond very well.


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## TGolbus (Nov 3, 2008)

I am sorry to hear your story. I am a big fan of a healthy marriage, and I know that troubled marriages can be worked out.
I am however intolerant of violence. It sounds like he has been abusive to you at least 2x in the past. You need to think long and hard about that for many reasons. Not only the potential harm he can do to you, but your kids will see that behavior and learn to accept that as the way married couples interact.
At a minimum he needs to get anger counseling. If he ever treats you in an abusive way (physical or verbal) you need to deal with it quickly and directly.


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