# Wife of 21yrs wants Divorce seeing 27yr old



## Tennesseeman (May 21, 2012)

My wife of 21yrs (almost 22yrs) is 43 and last fall gave me the "you're controlling speech". This was after she had a trist with a neighbor husband 7yrs prior, which I forgave her for.

As I put the clues together between November and January, I found that she had been seeing a 27yr old, which of course she continues to deny.

I moved out and rented a place. She has moved out of the marital home as well, and divorce papers are in the works.

I am struggling with the fact that I met her in 1986, while her new boy friend (who's rather ugly - while she is attractive) was still wearing a diaper and less than a year old. 

How do I get past this? She's got him around constantly now and the papers aren't even signed. Yet she continues to lie and tells the kids he's just a friend, which is the same crap she's peddling to me.


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

T,

How old are the kids? Could they handle the truth? 

The best thing you can do is to get the papers signed and filed as soon as possible. 

Karma will catch up to your STBX shortly when the boy toy starts to see her age in the next 5 or 6 years tops. I'm sure he'll move on to something more "age appropriate" then and she'll be by herself questiong her judgement


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Move back in the house. She has no legal right to make you leave. Make her cheating as hard to do as possible.


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

You need to deal with your marriage and your separation. Who she is seeing is kind of irrelevant, as in, if it hadn't been him it would have been someone else. You are fixating on the 27-year old, but he's irrelevant. Deal with your separation.


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## Tennesseeman (May 21, 2012)

The twins are 18yrs old and then we have an 8yr old. You said "I'm sure he'll move on to something more age appropriate". I'm worried that it means my daughter.

You are right, as STBX will age as we all do and he isn't going to know how to deal with baggage. He is a very immature 27yr old in fact.

How old are the kids? Could they handle the truth? 

The best thing you can do is to get the papers signed and filed as soon as possible. 

Karma will catch up to your STBX shortly when the boy toy starts to see her age in the next 5 or 6 years tops. I'm sure he'll move on to something more "age appropriate" then and she'll be by herself questiong her judgement[/QUOTE]


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## Tennesseeman (May 21, 2012)

Bandit, 

I would have kept the house if I could have covered the expenses plus child support and alimony. That said, we're letting the house go.


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## Tennesseeman (May 21, 2012)

You are right and I know this. However, trying to accept it and dismantle 21yrs+ of life is tough.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Have you exposed to friends and family and church?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Tennesseeman (May 21, 2012)

Bandit, 

I've read your story and mine is similar in many respects. That said, I've tried to draw strength from your approach and hope that things get better every day. 

Ironically, the timing of my divorce and unraveling parallel yours almost to a tee.


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## Whitney (May 19, 2012)

It sounds like you are fixating on his age and looks. I've come to realize that it really doesn't matter who they go with...it's not us and that in and of itself doesn't feel good. However, she made a choice, albeit in your opinion the wrong one. wish her well and do everything in your power to move on. hate that children are involved. We do a lot to sacrifice for our children. she should be careful with him (or anyone) around the kids. They are fragile and this can affect them for a long time.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Tennesseeman (May 21, 2012)

Shaggy said:


> Have you exposed to friends and family and church?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Do you mean have I exposed her antics to friends, family, and Church?


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## Tennesseeman (May 21, 2012)

Whitney said:


> It sounds like you are fixating on his age and looks. I've come to realize that it really doesn't matter who they go with...it's not us and that in and of itself doesn't feel good. However, she made a choice, albeit in your opinion the wrong one. wish her well and do everything in your power to move on. hate that children are involved. We do a lot to sacrifice for our children. she should be careful with him (or anyone) around the kids. They are fragile and this can affect them for a long time.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I agree that it does affect the kids for a long time. I see what it did to her as her parents were divorced. She is estranged from her father an has been for years. She has a strained relationship with her mother.

The unfortunate thing is that she has my 8yr covering up the fact that the man child was at the house the other night.

Fixating...yeah, it stings, I'll be honest. I feel like a got beat out by a 27yr old punk. Though I know deep down it's not true, because he has nothing to offer beyond perhaps sex. He doesn't have money, he has no car that I am aware of. His last known address was a trailer park in East TN. So, I know that I am the winner...but as I say, it still stings a bit.


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

Tennesseeman said:


> Do you mean have I exposed her antics to friends, family, and Church?


Have you exposed her affair/being with a 27yo?


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Tennesseeman said:


> Do you mean have I exposed her antics to friends, family, and Church?


Yes, exactly what I mean. She is divorcing you so she can have her affair. Let the world know.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Tennesseeman (May 21, 2012)

keko said:


> Have you exposed her affair/being with a 27yo?


Yes I have. My 18yr old son gets it and she's kicked him out her house and he now stays with me. Basically he asked he simply to not have the man child around when he's there and she told him that she pays the bills (LOL, I pay her alimony....so I pay the bills) and she'll be friends with who ever she chooses. She told my son (our son) that he is a guest in her house and he'd better be respectful. As I said, he left and is living with me. 

As for my 18yr old daughter, she's believing what her mother told her, which is they are just friends. 

The 8yrs old, is a little insulated and calls him the guy.

So, yes, I did expose the truth, the Tiffany ring he gave her at xmas time ($150 ring, so not a rock...but Tiffany's), and his admission to the Sheriff's office that he was seeing my wife and gave her a ring. I exposed to my wife that I found out she had been on birth control since last October (we didn't need birth control), I exposed the 4 days credit card charge at the Best Western.


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## Tennesseeman (May 21, 2012)

Shaggy, 

I posted her last December under a different username that was linked to my name personally, so I've abandoned it. Everyone at the time told me, "sounds like OM involved". I never believed it all through December and believed instead that I was crazy. 

Guess what....y'all we're right. The red flags were popping up left and right, culminating with a poor excuse for a ring after xmas, and after I had stopped posted. I finally called NYC Tiffany's on 1/18/12, and posed as the guy....sure enough he bought it, so her story that she found it in a dressing room at Victoria Secrets was a blatant lie.

After I confronted her on the 18th, life has changed dramatically because despite my grief, I was tired of being jerked around.

The point is....you all on this board were dead on accurate...so any "newbies", please listen to the folks who've been through this....they are probably right!


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Tennesseeman said:


> Shaggy,
> 
> I posted her last December under a different username that was linked to my name personally, so I've abandoned it. Everyone at the time told me, "sounds like OM involved". I never believed it all through December and believed instead that I was crazy.
> 
> ...


No matter what you tell them, their story is "different".


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

Does her family/friends/coworkers know it as well?


and wow, she sold herself for a $150 sh!tty ring?


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

keko said:


> Does her family/friends/coworkers know it as well?
> 
> 
> and wow, she sold herself for a $150 sh!tty ring?


Tiffany's!

Nothing too fine for his cougar.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Wait, there is no ring at tiffanys for that little. Nothing.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Shaggy said:


> Wait, there is no ring at tiffanys for that little. Nothing.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


She likely believed him too.


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## Tennesseeman (May 21, 2012)

keko said:


> Does her family/friends/coworkers know it as well?
> 
> 
> and wow, she sold herself for a $150 sh!tty ring?


Funny things is that I took the ring and I'm gonna trade it for cash...so she didn't even end up with that in the end.


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## Tennesseeman (May 21, 2012)

Shaggy said:


> Wait, there is no ring at tiffanys for that little. Nothing.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It actually is from Tiffany's...it's stamped inside and I traced the order with the help of one of their customer service reps. Well, actually I called and told them I was the "man child" and had a warranty issue. They told me the date it was ordered, the address they shipped it to (his) and the phone number on file (his). 

Yes, she sold out for a $150 ring.....unreal.


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## chattycathy (Aug 19, 2011)

At least she is on birth control. Count that blessing. Your kids will hopefully not need to deal with a half sib.

It sucks.

Sucks that he is younger. That isn't the issue though.

She is a troubled woman and you can not save her from herself.

Focus on your own financial future and modeling good behavior for the kids in this sucky situation.


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## Tennesseeman (May 21, 2012)

chattycathy said:


> At least she is on birth control. Count that blessing. Your kids will hopefully not need to deal with a half sib.
> 
> It sucks.
> 
> ...


You are right and that's what everyone tells me, it obviously hard though.

She is very troubled and I feel bad for her in a strange way. She is estranged from her father who left her mother for another women years ago when she was a preteen. She has a strained relationship with her mother, and really now one in town except our kids, who she's alienating, and the boy toy.

I'm just not sure how to best handle things where my kids are involved. I hate to see the destruction of the mother son relationship, since she's basically thrown my son out of her place. He's with me, but I know it hurts that she choose the "man child" over him.

I am just baffled how a mother could do that.


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