# 2 wrongs



## HelpinTexas (Dec 27, 2010)

Here's my story... I'll try to keep it brief. My wife and I have been married for 10 years and we have a 5 year old daughter. We have had a rocky marriage from the start. Within a year of getting married we had 2 job changes, the death of my mom, 5 months later the death of a brother, and 5 months after that the death of another brother. I also lost my brother in law and a good friend during this time period also.
My wife became pregnant during this time and against my adament wishes, she had an abortion. This completely devasted me.... She became pregnant again 2 years later and that when we had our wonderful daughter. 

I still have a hard time dealing with the death and the destruction that I felt my life had become. Our sex life was not good and I stepped out of our marriage. I had an affair with a single lady I worked with. I have not seen her in 4 years. 

My wife lost her job this february and we began a total money makeover. I had been living in financial turmoil as well. When we finally sat down I told my wife just how much debt we had... I also told her about the affair. This was in June 2010. She was upset, I apologized, told her the details and answered any questions she had. 

my wife keeps her blackberry locked... in Dec of 09 my wife's mother called on her phone... I answered and we talked for a minute... when I hung up there was a text message to this guy... in the message she called him Babe and talked about having a dream that she was in his bedroom... I confronted her, she assured me they were just friends.. I didn't think much about it. 

Last Wednesday my wifes alarm was going off on her phone. I turned her alarm off and there were several messages between her and this same guy from a year ago. She talked about how much she loved him, and how she saw some V neck sweaters ( my christmas present) and how sexy he would look in those. One text said she can not wait to see, touch, kiss, feel, smell, and hopefully one day make love to him....

I confronted her last thursday night. She stated to me that she LOVES him... said she has never felt that way about anyone else before. We talked.. she stated she has been seeing him for around 2 years. She states they have kissed, but nothing else. 

My wife states she wants to stay with me for the sake of the family and she still loves me too... and she finds me sexy... however she is still talking to the other guy... she has not told him its over and that I know.. he is married too by the way.

I am kind of going out of my mind... this morning.. I looked at her phone and I found a picture of a penis... it was sent on Dec 19 and has a personal comment under neath it.... I asked if that was "him" and she said No.. it was received as a joke....

Now she is very upset with me... says she can not live like this, with me looking at her phone every 5 mins.... I honestly feel like if she would tell me its over, then I would not have the need to look.. now I feel guilty for looking at her phone and finding the picture.

She told me she is done with the marriage.... I'm not sure what to do.. I love her... and I guess I feel like I have gotten what I deserved for cheating on her. I told her, as did the counselor, that the past is the past and we can move forward.... what do ya'll think?


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Your wife wants to stay with the family then she wants to leave. Well it sounds like she wanted to stay with the family as long as she could stay in contact with the other man?

Now that you are invading her secrecy and her deciet, she is upset and doesn't want to be married to you. If you want to fight for your marraige then continue to make this affair as difficult as possible. There are some great plans/links on this site on how to go about doing this.

The first thing is getting to stop all contact with OM. If she refuses you may need to confront OM, expose the affair to your W's family and the OM's family. Hopefully by doing this they will help support you in ending the affair, or at least make it more difficult to continue. 

Thers is alot more to fighting and stopping an affair, so read up and get the ammunition to fight this. Your family is depending on you, and right now your wife is stuck in the "fog" and is not the person you married or even know right know,you will need the tools in getting that person back from her fantasy world. So please start educating your self. 

One important thing to do right now is never ever beg or plead with her, do not show her how weak you actualy feel. You must show her that you are confident and will get thru this with or with out her. All women like stronge confident men, be that guy.. Show her how positve and proud you are and you want respect and you will fogive her just like she forgave you and how you did the right thing by your family by leaving the OW, and you and your kids disserve the same consideration from her.
Back then I'm sure she didn't tolorate your affair and this time you will not tolorate her affair.

Again read up and don't leave. If she has a issue with you fighting for your family (and she will) then she should be the one that leaves.

Good luck


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## zsu234 (Oct 25, 2010)

Go to survivinginfidelity.com and let the vets there help uou through this. Read up on the 180 and practice it. Good luck!


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