# Something someone posted on facebook...



## highwood (Jan 12, 2012)

annoys me.

It was a video of a man talking about how he made a huge mistake and left his unattractive wife for someone more attractive and now regrets it. He said he realized the fact that she let herself go was because she was taking care of the kids. I hate stuff like this that portrays women as victims...that poor lady let herself totally go because she was looking after kids, please...lots of women have kids and manage to look half way decent. As well sometimes mothers get so focused on their kids they ignore their husbands while the kids are growing up and treat him like a pay check, sorry but it takes two to make a bad marriage.

Anybody will tell you in a marriage both partners should try and keep themselves looking half way decent and I hate this poor victim women crap...that all woman/mothers are inherently good and the man is the bad guy. 

All these people on the post were going on about poor women and how men take them for granted.He should put up with his wife ignoring him and letting herself go.


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## Jessica38 (Feb 28, 2017)

A husband who cheats for whatever reason is in my mind, a man of poor character. So I disagree with you- his betrayed wife is not to blame for his behavior and nothing she did or didn't do excuses his cheating. 

As to spouses taking care of themselves after children, yes, that's the ideal, and both partners need to work together to make that happen. Instead of cheating, her husband could have focused his energy in encouraging her to walk with him and the kids after dinner, and gifted her a gym membership while working out a schedule where he is responsible for the kids, and taken an active role in planning/preparing healthy meals, or even just picking up healthy cookbooks for her and asking her to choose the ones most appealing. 

In marriage, spouses are a team. If one is struggling, the other tries to help, not look outside the marriage for ego kibbles.


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## highwood (Jan 12, 2012)

How many folks have posted on here stating that they are trying to encourage their spouse to work out, etc. but to no avail...sorry but having the motivation to take care of yourself has to come from within you. The desire to look and feel your best is internal. 

....and often women put so much emphasis on focusing on their childrens lives and activities and the husband gets put on the backburner and that always comes and bites you in the ass.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Did he cheat, or did he leave and find someone else? The former is bad, the latter often works out, but it sounds like he may have chosen someone for superficial reasons and now regrets that.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

I know totally! I mean **** the PTA I've gotta get my nails done! And those cupcakes to send to the class for our child's birthday....a box of Oreos will work just as well right? I can't get a work out completed and everything else and bake cupcakes for crying out loud. Also, the kids wanted to go to the park for a 3rd grade meet up but it was scheduled for the same time my Pilates class happens. Then I had to cancel all the soccer and baseball practices because I can't be carting the kids around town AND cook a decent dinner. 

Yeah those selfish women who get lost taking care of the family and forget to take care of themselves. What a bunch of stupid women!


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## highwood (Jan 12, 2012)

Something about she didn't shave and let herself go...not sure it is one of these video type things with someone talking.

Then how he say her one year later..which seems odd because if they had kids together I would think he would have seen her more..but anyway when he saw her a year later she was fit and toned and looked great...

Stupid video in my opinion but whatever...it does work both ways though there are lots of superficial women not just men.


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## peacem (Oct 25, 2014)

I sometimes think men scapegoat their wives' appearance to give themselves permission to look elsewhere. They get the new improved model only to find out that personality, responsibility, good character counts for a lot more than they first realised. 

I find being a good father and an all round moral, compassionate, witty, intelligent human being is incredibly attractive in my husband and I can assume it works both ways. 

Appearances are very important but not so important that I would look elsewhere for compensation.


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## GuyInColorado (Dec 26, 2015)

My ex wife let herself go but I hated her already, so it didn't matter if she looked 100x hotter. Going to school to drop off or pick up your kids and see these all these gorgeous moms really woke me up. I traded up big time and have no regrets. She still is fat 18 months later and all talk about working out, blah blah. Some people are lazy and unable to accomplish their goals.


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## highwood (Jan 12, 2012)

I just hate when people blame their kids on letting themselves go and that is what this video alluded to...seriously you can't shave your legs/pits because you have kids...

Or you can't put something half decent on because you have kids...come on. 

You also can't deny that lots of women ignore their husbands and put their needs last because the kids need them more...deny their husband affection/sex for months on end because I am too busy with the kids...


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Highwood how does a woman put on something half way decent when she hasn't shopped without the kids since they were born? How exactly does she seek out, pull out and try on new clothes with the kids running around the store and crawling under each dress room stall searching out plastic trinkets and straight pins that they then use for imaginary sword fighting. Putting on something decent requires a hell of a lot more work than you can even imagine.

Shaving legs? Okay, you out the kids to bed so that she can shave her legs because that super fast shower in the morning only means face and hair get washed.

No damn clue....


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Anon Pink said:


> I know totally! I mean **** the PTA I've gotta get my nails done! And those cupcakes to send to the class for our child's birthday....a box of Oreos will work just as well right? I can't get a work out completed and everything else and bake cupcakes for crying out loud. Also, the kids wanted to go to the park for a 3rd grade meet up but it was scheduled for the same time my Pilates class happens. Then I had to cancel all the soccer and baseball practices because I can't be carting the kids around town AND cook a decent dinner.
> 
> Yeah those selfish women who get lost taking care of the family and forget to take care of themselves. What a bunch of stupid women!


Ah!

You move so fast I never see your face, you hair, your manicured nails.

Fuwheeeuu!

The only way I know you were near....was the waft of sweet perfume that you leave in your wake!


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## highwood (Jan 12, 2012)

Sorry if I seem less than compassionate to letting yourself go but to me often people will use any excuse to do just that. I get that having young children adds challenges, etc. to the situation but walking/playing with kids is good exercise too.

I know a lady who has NO kids and lets herself go...she is about 100 lbs overweight and is married. I have known her about 3 years and for that whole time she has whined about this and that...she can't get in shape because if she goes to the gym she is judged...I used to invite her to go hiking with me in the evenings and the few times she went it was like well how long is this going to take I have dinner in the oven...so we would do a short hike to accommodate her. She went twice and that was it in a year.

It has been over a year since I walked/hiked with her because her preference is to drive her dog to the off leash park and stand there instead of taking him for a good one hour walk/hike. In terms of food it is everyone elses fault...her inlaws, her sister, etc. becvause they like junk so she has no control when around them.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

highwood said:


> I just hate when people blame their kids on letting themselves go and that is what this video alluded to...seriously you can't shave your legs/pits because you have kids...
> 
> Or you can't put something half decent on because you have kids...come on.
> 
> You also can't deny that lots of women ignore their husbands and put their needs last because the kids need them more...deny their husband affection/sex for months on end because I am too busy with the kids...


To be FAIR - there are a lot of women who tend to forget they're women FIRST and a 'mommy' second. I will agree that many women make this mistake. I never did. I didn't define my entire existence as being a mommy.

*However*, I'm seeing a lot of whining about how women are too busy catering to their kid's needs and everything else and that the poor, hapless husband is 'neglected.' What you're NOT realizing is that many, many women are expected to do it ALL. 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. They don't GET weekends off and they don't GET to stop working at 6 pm like these poor, deprived men. These women are always expected to do the work at home no matter what day it is - while their whining, lazy ass husbands do nothing because they think they're above doing ANYTHING to contribute to the raising of their own kids. They'll lay on their lazy asses while their wife is cleaning up after dinner and trying to coordinate baths for 2 or 3 kids while simultaneously helping them with that last bit of their homework.

And for WORKING moms, the struggle is* twice *as hard when her lazy ass husband STILL feels entitled to do nothing at home because it's all 'woman's work.' And trust me, this is a very common problem. No wonder some women don't even have time to shave their damned legs.

Taking out the garbage or drying dishes or giving a kid a bath is NOT doing your "fair share," men. It amounts to nothing more than spitting into the ocean.

And while we're on the subject, whose doing anything nice for the women busting their asses for their family day in and day out? Maybe the working mule wife is feeling 'neglected' too. She just doesn't have the luxury of laying on her ass doing NOTHING and whining about it while wallowing in her self pity.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

"Letting yourself go" may mean different things to different people. 

I wouldn't expect a very busy person with children to be able to put the time or money into fashionable hairstyles, clothes, makeup etc. It would be the wrong thing to do - in a very busy life with kids, isn't it better for your partner to spend more of their time with you?

OTOH, I think there are some basic standards of cleanliness etc that should be maintained, and while a busy life may keep you from going to the gym, its not an excuse to become horribly out of shape. 

The above of course applies to men and women.


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## highwood (Jan 12, 2012)

I agree with you..however I have seen it where women whose husbands work out of town they will complain about having to do it all on the home front so then when I say to them what if he worked in town and was home every night but made less money would you be okay with that...then it is like well I don't know about that...so you can't have it all.

I worked with guys in which the women wanted to stay at home with the kids which is excellent but then still wanted the high end lifestyle...but would complain when the guys were working all the time to provide that lifestyle and couldn't help them as much with the kids.

Honestly that is one thing my husband said in counselling when we went thru a rough patch that he started to feel like a paycheck...so I see this from both sides for sure.


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## highwood (Jan 12, 2012)

The video is on Hefty.co's facebook page...lots of interesting comments.


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## sunshinie (Apr 18, 2017)

I haven't shaved in a week not because of my kid but because i am just not in the mood to. What i do know is that for me it is much harder to remain slim after giving birth to my son and i have been a martial artist for almost 20 years. My body now feels like a board wrapped in maybe a bedspread. Soft at the top and really hard at the bottom. Every thing else though that is not muscle has gone downnnnn hill. No fault of my own. Some body parts can't be up kept just loved. I dont think he left his wife because of her looks. Maybe it was because of neglect.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

highwood said:


> annoys me.
> 
> It was a video of a man talking about how he made a huge mistake and left his unattractive wife for someone more attractive and now regrets it. He said he realized the fact that she let herself go was because she was taking care of the kids. I hate stuff like this that portrays women as victims...that poor lady let herself totally go because she was looking after kids, please...lots of women have kids and manage to look half way decent. As well sometimes mothers get so focused on their kids they ignore their husbands while the kids are growing up and treat him like a pay check, sorry but it takes two to make a bad marriage.
> 
> ...


As long as he is helping with the kids too. You are right both partner should stay at least in decent shape for their spouses, but also both partners should help each other so they have time to keep themselves in decent shape.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Anon Pink said:


> Highwood how does a woman put on something half way decent when she hasn't shopped without the kids since they were born? How exactly does she seek out, pull out and try on new clothes with the kids running around the store and crawling under each dress room stall searching out plastic trinkets and straight pins that they then use for imaginary sword fighting. Putting on something decent requires a hell of a lot more work than you can even imagine.
> 
> Shaving legs? Okay, you out the kids to bed so that she can shave her legs because that super fast shower in the morning only means face and hair get washed.
> 
> No damn clue....


This is a little overboard, how do all the other women find the time to do it? You mean to tell me every woman who has kids doesn't have the time to shop for a dress and shave her legs? Where are all these women wearing potato sacks and with legs like Bert Reynolds? I see plenty of women with kids who look attractive and well kept.

Yes and I am also sure there husbands pull their fare share to help them so that is one of the reasons.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

sokillme said:


> This is a little overboard, how do all the other women find the time to do it? You mean to tell me every woman who has kids doesn't have the time to shop for a dress and shave her legs? Where are all these women wearing potato sacks and with legs like Bert Reynolds? I see plenty of women with kids who look attractive and well kept.
> 
> Yes and I am also sure there husbands pull their fare share to help them so that is one of the reasons.


Where are you seeing them? At the bus stop, grocery store? Or at the mall? The mall means getting dressed, the grocery store and bus stop only require not pajamas.

From my experience the women who were able to keep their appearance at a certain level did so because it was very important to them, pre-parenthood. The women who stopped all pretense of looking after themselves were never very appearance conscious to begin with and because of that these women were even more challenged when called upon to put some effort into it because the time constraints made those kinds of endeavors highly problematic. If you don't already have the basics, getting dressed up means buying the basics which leave the extra perks undone, unpurchased, unshaved, unperfumed.

From my 27 years of waiting for the school bus with other mothers, shaving legs or anywhere else was way last on the list. We used to bemoan the coming of spring because now we had to shave at least once a week. Also, women who worked had to be dressed while those of us who stay at home only had to be out of our pajamas. As a result, women who worked had a dressy wardrobe while women who stayed home had an extensive pajama pants and tee shirt collection. "Who put a bra on today?" Was the joke amongst the pajama pants jet setters.

I like to dress up and do so as often as I can, I like to wear make up and I like to feel sexy so I take effort. But I'm also neurotic soooooooooo


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

highwood said:


> Sorry if I seem less than compassionate to letting yourself go but to me often people will use any excuse to do just that. I get that having young children adds challenges, etc. to the situation but walking/playing with kids is good exercise too.
> 
> I know a lady who has NO kids and lets herself go...she is about 100 lbs overweight and is married. I have known her about 3 years and for that whole time she has whined about this and that...she can't get in shape because if she goes to the gym she is judged...I used to invite her to go hiking with me in the evenings and the few times she went it was like well how long is this going to take I have dinner in the oven...so we would do a short hike to accommodate her. She went twice and that was it in a year.
> 
> It has been over a year since I walked/hiked with her because her preference is to drive her dog to the off leash park and stand there instead of taking him for a good one hour walk/hike. In terms of food it is everyone elses fault...her inlaws, her sister, etc. becvause they like junk so she has no control when around them.


I know several men who have let themselves go. They at not taking care of children either. 

What a coincidence. Some men and some women let themselves go. Why is this a gender issue?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

highwood said:


> I agree with you..however I have seen it where women whose husbands work out of town they will complain about having to do it all on the home front so then when I say to them what if he worked in town and was home every night but made less money would you be okay with that...then it is like well I don't know about that...so you can't have it all.
> 
> I worked with guys in which the women wanted to stay at home with the kids which is excellent but then still wanted the high end lifestyle...but would complain when the guys were working all the time to provide that lifestyle and couldn't help them as much with the kids.
> 
> Honestly that is one thing my husband said in counselling when we went thru a rough patch that he started to feel like a paycheck...so I see this from both sides for sure.


And of course you ignore the fact that many women work full time and do most of the housework, childcare, etc. 70% of married women work outside the home. That's most married women.

Why are you using only one example of the types of life styles women lead?


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## wild jade (Jun 21, 2016)

LOL. He left her, and he regrets it. And she is doing just fine.

But this thread is about bashing women for not being sexy enough? Oh well. Tough luck as they say.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

wild jade said:


> LOL. He left her, and he regrets it. And she is doing just fine.
> 
> But this thread is about bashing women for not being sexy enough? Oh well. Tough luck as they say.


Sounds like he liberated her!


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