# No win situation



## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

There's really no way out of this, just sort of venting. Here's the deal... I'm basically a solid, old fashioned sort of guy who has pretty strong beliefs in right and wrong. In my world, you make a promise and keep it or you're just a dishonorable douche-bag. My wife is pretty consistently unavailable for sex, intimacy, and I find myself pretty much living on the back-burner, primarily attending to her needs while anything I want or need doesn't appear on the radar screen. Here's the rub....she has an assortment of legitimate medical reasons for requiring all the attention and for not being available for whatever I might need. She honestly does have Bipolar, chronic backpain, weird, unexplained "female" issues, etc, etc, etc. She isn't making this stuff up but before one problem gets fixed, another pops up, so the reasons change but the world from my vantage point doesn't, won't, and never will. I've got to put on happy face and just drive on and that's all there is to it. My choice, I know. I'll deal with it. 
I would urge in the strongest possible terms that before anyone says "I do" to another human being, make sure their prospective partner is mentally, emotionally, and physically able to actually participate in a marriage. I know I sound like a selfish louse, but we're talking several years of this and I know as sure as the sun will rise, this will only get worse as she ages. 
It bothers me more, I suppose, that she is able to to perform great exertions for everyone else on earth in spite of her conditions. The only biscuit that doesn't get gravy is mine. 
I can't very well split cause I'd be leaving someone who has medical issues beyond their control and no decent guy would do that. I don't really want to complain cause it makes me sound all whiney and selfish. Got to let it out somewhere or I'll be spending the day acting grouchy. Guess y'all are the lucky folks who get to read my little outbursts. She has a million pills to help her with this or that. She's got doctors and therapists. I get to go to work, come home and work, and just kinda breath whether I want to or not. I so admire folks who have no sex drive. Wish I could be content with only existing, oblivious to what anyone else needed or thought. Thanks for listening. Got work to do.


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## Laurae1967 (May 10, 2011)

We were not put on this earth to live our lives for other people. Yes, we should help others, but you do have a right to expect sex and love in marriage. If she can't give you those things, move on. 

You only live once and life is too short to spend with someone who can't or won't give you the basics in marriage. What's the point of being married? Do you really want to live the rest of your days with someone who only takes and never gives? That's how your going to live out the rest of your days?:scratchhead:


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

You know, most marriage vows state things like "in sickness and in health" and "for better or for worse". There's no guarantee that even if you do marry a completely emotionally and physically healthy person they will stay that way throughout the course of a marriage. I have a good friend that was diagnosed with MS a year after she got married. She may continue to have deterioriating health and all sorts of health issues for the rest of her life. Our vows don't say that "I'll only stay with you if you stay exactly like you were the day that I married you."

unbelievable, it sounds like you need to work on yourself. I'm sure you are probably familiar with the nice guy/man up sticky over in the Men's Clubhouse. But I think that you need to work on making yourself healthy in mind, body, and spirit - not for your wife, not for your marriage, just for YOU. Do the things that will allow you to get to that. It can be dispiriting to be around someone who is chronically ill (or worse yet in my book is someone who is a chronic complainer). You can't control whatever issues your wife may have, but you sure can control how you react to them. I wish you the best of luck in your journey.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

Hire someone to help take cake of her. See if you can get any government assistance to help or maybe her health care has some options.

and then find someone on the side to help you relieve your stress 


if she has energy to do for others, then she is just taking you for granted because she can. and using the illness just to prolong it.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

unbelievable said:


> It bothers me more, I suppose, that she is able to to perform great exertions for everyone else on earth in spite of her conditions. The only biscuit that doesn't get gravy is mine.


 This is the part right here--that gives you justification to leave her, and NOT feel like a douche bag. She *chooses *to take you for granted-for years on end, and uses her condition(s) for excuses. She has little if any excuses for her job, for anyone else. She has DISHONORED the marraige. 

Unconditional love is a fallacy. What's Wrong with Unconditional Love (Part 1)

If you are worried about others judgements if you divorce- Why ? Such integrity- but I ask - at what cost? at the expense of your own happiness and well being.  Divorcing over lack of affection and physical intimacy is nothing new under the sun. Just because she has not been unfaithful with another man does NOT make her a faithful devoted wife to you. Is Sexual Neglect Grounds for Divorce? 

We only get one life (down here anyway). You work hard, you provide, why do you feel you deserve so little ? Your harsh judgement on yourself is something I hope you will overcome. Love yourself, feel you are deserving of Love in return. 

Personally, I would MUCH rather be judged by others and find happiness with a giving mate than remain in vows where it wore my spirit to peices. We all need something to wake up too, to dream and live for, no matter our age. 

Do not grow old and regret where you remained. 

Couldn't agree with this more so >>


> I would urge in the strongest possible terms that before anyone says "I do" to another human being, make sure their prospective partner is mentally, emotionally, and physically able to actually participate in a marriage.


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

SimplyAmorous said:


> Personally, I would MUCH rather be judged by others and find happiness with a giving mate than remain in vows where it wore my spirit to peices. We all need something to wake up too, to dream and live for, no matter our age.


I have the same attitude here. 

Who cares what other people think of me, I don't live with them, I don't talk to them. 

If they are happy back stabbing me, let them do it!


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

chillymorn said:


> Hire someone to help take cake of her. See if you can get any government assistance to help or maybe her health care has some options.
> 
> and then find someone on the side to help you relieve your stress
> 
> ...


If she can work and teach, she has no excuse not performing a wife's duty! 

Unbelievable, please don't indulge her!


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

does she show remorse for her inabilitiy to be intimate? has she tried to please you even though she may not feel like it? does she care?

its not your fault she has issues, anymore than it is hers. there is a difference in a spouse with health issues that actually tries or wants to be intimate versus one that doesnt.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Thanks for everyone's input. I truly don't give a rat's backside what others might think if I were to divorce. Been there, done that. I just expect certain things from myself, I guess. When she feels able to and I get so grouchy I'm unbearable to be around, she gives me a little something, probably once every few weeks. If I were 30, I'd probably toss in the towel. I'm closer to 50. I figure I'll get myself deployed again or take a contract job overseas. Celibacy, combined with my job skills actually pays really well these days. I can send plenty of bread back to the world to pay for whatever she needs. If the problem still exists a year from now, I'll just extend for another year or two. Lots of fires to be put out around the world. I can ride that train till I'm 65.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Un,
This isn't about her health. Let's be straight here. If she was actually
Doing the best she could to be a good wife despite her issues you
Would feel loved. You don't bevUse she isn't. If it were me I would
Tell her that you accept she doesn't want to prioritize you and that
You don't want to pressure her. Going forwArd you will discreetly
Get your needs met outside the marriage. You act like a victim
Probably a huge turn off for her.




QUOTE=unbelievable;326484]Thanks for everyone's input. I truly don't give a rat's backside what others might think if I were to divorce. Been there, done that. I just expect certain things from myself, I guess. When she feels able to and I get so grouchy I'm unbearable to be around, she gives me a little something, probably once every few weeks. If I were 30, I'd probably toss in the towel. I'm closer to 50. I figure I'll get myself deployed again or take a contract job overseas. Celibacy, combined with my job skills actually pays really well these days. I can send plenty of bread back to the world to pay for whatever she needs. If the problem still exists a year from now, I'll just extend for another year or two. Lots of fires to be put out around the world. I can ride that train till I'm 65.[/QUOTE]
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## miserableinlove_35 (May 21, 2011)

I'd say ask all of these doctors if she is physically able to have sex. If she is then is there anything she can take to enhance her desire. I'm sure some of those medications could affect her wanting to. I feel like you do, I envy those people with no sex drives, it would make life simpler. Unfortunately I do have one and I believe it is intertwined with my soul, I need intimacy from my other as much as we need prayer or whatever else souls need.


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## Laurae1967 (May 10, 2011)

Again, life is too short! Tell her you want to do MC with her or else you are leaving. She sounds like she responds well when you pressure her, so use this to get her to go to MC with you.

The point is to try to figure out what is really going on with her and you can also learn what is really going on with you. Maybe there is a little something that YOU could improve, too, along with whatever she needs to work on. 

But the worst idea is to ***** about it and not DO anything about it. MC has made a HUGE difference in my marriage. And my husband is a tough cop who is very private and does not talk about his feelings easily. He's benefited GREATLY from MC. Try to find a psychologist instead of a MSW.


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

MEM11363 said:


> You act like a victim
> Probably a huge turn off for her.


:iagree:

You know, unbelievable, please don't take this the wrong way. Most of the posts I've read of yours come across as very level-headed and practical. You have often mentioned your profession - it comes across as very manly/strong. BUT, you do seem like you are acting like a victim here. I still say you need to empower yourself. Would taking a stint overseas be empowering yourself or just running away? Food for thought. I wish you well.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

I agree it has little to do with health and lots to do with power. The stint overseas isn't running or being a victim. It's taking a lemon and making a little lemonade, a little logical, practical solution. Someone has to do the jobs over there. Either I go and leave a relieved spouse here or someone else goes and another couple endures forced celibacy for a year or more. There are loads of Army wives who would love to have their husband back in the world and they would take full advantage of any time they were given. Whether I'm here or there, my living circumstances won't change very much. Might as well use the time to make more bread and it'd give some other poor sap a chance to hang with his wife another year.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

unbelievable said:


> Either I go and leave a relieved spouse here or someone else goes and another couple endures forced celibacy for a year or more. There are loads of Army wives who would love to have their husband back in the world and they would take full advantage of any time they were given.


This is very sacrificial of you, beautifuly really.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Simply,

It's not really sacrificial, it's just logic and math. Time with a wife is a precious and rare commodity for Soldiers. Why should I expend that time if my wife is going to spend it sleeping 12 hours a day and playing Farmville? Others would get more value out of the time. Some have babies they've barely seen or young kids that need a father around. My kids are grown. Somebody has to go and there are far fewer objections to my going than there would be for many others. I've been home about 2 years and that's 24 largely wasted months. It's time to go back.


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## candice912 (Sep 4, 2010)

unbelievable said:


> I agree it has little to do with health and lots to do with power. The stint overseas isn't running or being a victim. It's taking a lemon and making a little lemonade, a little logical, practical solution. Someone has to do the jobs over there. Either I go and leave a relieved spouse here or someone else goes and another couple endures forced celibacy for a year or more. There are loads of Army wives who would love to have their husband back in the world and they would take full advantage of any time they were given. Whether I'm here or there, my living circumstances won't change very much. Might as well use the time to make more bread and it'd give some other poor sap a chance to hang with his wife another year.


I have some insite for you tomorrow, but I'm beat right now. I have a chronic back injury too.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Sorry about your back. Hope you're feeling better soon. Look forward to hearing your insight.


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## candice912 (Sep 4, 2010)

unbelievable said:


> Sorry about your back. Hope you're feeling better soon. Look forward to hearing your insight.


Your wife ignoring your needs has nothing to do with her condition, unless she is in bed reeling in pain, begging to go to the ER. But that's not what I hear at all! 

The only way her condition could have anything to do with her rejection of you is certain meds. Is she on any psychotropics (SSRI's, antidepressants, lyrica, gabapentin, etc) Those are known to be libido killers and can cause permenant sexual disfunction. If she is on any of these, then I suggest you discuss this issue with her doctor and get her switched to a pain med for pain. Also, adjunct treatments, such as massage, trigger point injections, accupuncture can reduce her needs for meds. 

Don't let her get away with blaming her chronic pain for not loving you. My husband is healthy as a horse and I think I'm the higher sex partner. I have also had some friends with chronic pain and they had normal sex lives. Sure, my cirque de soleil days are over and I'm sure for your wife too, but not loving all together. 

First thing, check the medicines or else talking to her about this is useless. You can look up the meds yourself or you are welcome to ask me. Lord knows those darn doctors have tried to feed me everything under the sun. 

The next thing, is if she isn't on any meds that cause loss of libido or disfunction, then it's time to break through that wall. You may need to set your personal frustrations aside and first get to the bottom of what is eating her. Does she have a need that perhaps you overlooked? Did she feel criticized about something? I've read your posts before and you seem like a reasonable guy, but I agree with you that not getting your needs met, can make one grumpy, and that could prevent you from seeing what she needs. 

All the women I have known that don't want to be intimate with their husbands, it seems to stem back to getting hurt along the way. That doesn't mean it's your fault. She has to tell you too. The point here is to get to the bottom of the issue, so you guys are both happy, right? 

I just wrote another bit about misread signals from chronic pain. I'll send you the link. 

I know it's difficult, but treat her like anyone else. The worst thing you can do is pity her for her chronic pain.


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## candice912 (Sep 4, 2010)

Okay, here is the link on body language and chronic pain, which I noticed you had commented on earlier:

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general-relationship-discussion/25806-body-language-2.html

BTW: Thanks for your kind words, but it's not going to heal any time soon without an act of God. I just have to make the best of each day, so do you and your wife.


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## candice912 (Sep 4, 2010)

I reread your post and had some questions to better answer you. 

1.What type of chronic pain condition does she have?

2. She's on a million pills, has doctors and therapists. Okay, I feel you are not fully up to date as to what her individual meds are and for what condition. Check that out. She could be overmedicated. Sometimes there are bad side effects or interactions that there isn't a study for yet that could be causing a problem. Don't trust the doctors on this one. The only thing doctors know about meds is what the sales reps for the pharmacology industry tell them. That makes the docs look like innocent sheep. It is only a pharmacist who even begins to know more about these meds. Has she seen an endochrinologist? 

3. Chronic pain and bi polare and other female issues. Mind I ask, which came first, the chronic pain or the bi polar and then I will give some perspectives to help you. I am not bi polar, but have a dear life long fried who does. Did you know her befoe the condition.


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## MGirl (Mar 13, 2011)

candice912 said:


> The only way her condition could have anything to do with her rejection of you is certain meds. Is she on any psychotropics (SSRI's, antidepressants, lyrica, gabapentin, etc) Those are known to be libido killers and can cause permenant sexual disfunction. If she is on any of these, then I suggest you discuss this issue with her doctor and get her switched to a pain med for pain.


Candice-- Uh oh, now you've got me worried. Permanent dysfunction? My doctor is starting me on Lyrica next week...do you have a link to the info on what you mentioned? I know it_ can _kill libido, but I'll be on a very low dose and was planning on giving it a try and discontinuing if necessary.


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## candice912 (Sep 4, 2010)

I'd be more than happy to give you all the links you want. How many would you like? I say that, becuause there are more problems with this than the pharmaceutical companies want you to believe. I'll give you a few links to start and if you need more, just ask. 

First, what happened to me: I took it for two weeks for nerve pain. I was on a low dose of morphine for several years, with almost no side effects and doing well on it as a full time student at the university, but they had doctors on rotation where I was and I got a newbie intern who decided he wanted to try me on this new medicine called Lyrica and try to take me off the morphine. Okay. I started on a low dose of 75mg twice a day for the first two weeks, then to come back for a possible increase. I never made it to the increase. All that happened to me, happened in the first two weeks. I gained 20 pounds in the first week (I was 5'9" size 4 before beginning lyrica) I had to run out and buy new clothes. I couldn't concentrate. I got lost driving to the university that I had been driving to for five years. I got lost on the university campus once and couldn't remember where I was going. I had to open my notebook and look at my schedule and my cell for what day it was. In class, I had a question for the prof and by the time he called on me, I forgot what I wanted to ask. I quickly glanced at my notebook and made up a bs question to save myself embarrassment. Close friends would call, including my fiancé, I got angry easily and sometimes hung up the phone on people. I rarely ate sugar, but came home one day with two grocery sacks full of candy. I once got up at two am and raided the kitchen for anything sweet, which I reallly didn't normally have. I suppose that is what spurned the candy shopping spree. I felt pain in my chest, but it would pass. I had racing thoughts at night and couldn't sleep. As I said, I was engaged, and still felt sexual desire, but I began having trouble acheiving orgasm. It felt as though I was having clitoral numbness. I was terrified and thought my physical condition was getting worse and now I was cursed that I finally was engaged and now wouldn't be able to enjoy making love with my husband. We were not living together at this time, so I'd cry, scared half to death alone. I was too afraid to tell my fiancé although I complained to him about the weight gain and I felt fat and ugly now. Luckily, he's not so shallow. The final blow was on a saturday, I was attending a wedding and began having breathing trouble in the middle of somebody's wedding. It took two weeks for the breathing problems to come on, but several times that day, I was gasping for air and thought I might have to go to the ER. I hate hospitals and only go if I'm dying, so that's why I didn't go right away. I sat there and didn't really realise the problems could be the lyrica. I thought I was fine, but it must be them that are being unreasonable with me.I never thought the candy or other things were strange while on the med. My only suspicion, was the hanging up the phone on people. As I said, lyrica messes with your memory, but I had glimpse, a flash of me sitting in my car, yelling and hanging up my cell on someone. I immediately sent my fiancé an email and asked two of the people who saw me the most if they noticed anything different since I began this medicine. My fiancé said he was relieved that I asked, because the way I had been acting, he was scared of how I might react if he brought it up. He said, that since I had been on lyrica, he didn't even recognize me anymore. He said he would prefer I stop lyrica. The two others I asked said to flush that poison down the toilet. 

After I stopped taking lyrica, it took me a year to get the weight off. The sexual problem persisted for months after stopping it. I was so sexually frustrated, even with toys, that it was unbearable. I felt robbed! Luckily it came back before we got married. However, I've read other people's accounts that it never did. I must say that I didn't realize at the time that the lyrica was responsible for all of these things and neither did the doctor. The doctor tried to blame my breathing problems on the morphine I had been on for years, but he did agree to stop the lyrica. The clitoral numbness, he just referred me to a gyno and looked uncomfortable even discussing it with me. I stopped it cold turkey, but then it was only two weeks. I hope you know those are more addictive than heroine. I don't normally share this story, but if I can save you some of the pain I wen't through, it's worth it. I will also warn you, they tell you lyrica and neurotonin are for nerve pain and not anti depressaants. Bull! Look up their chemical composition and their name change history. If you have any questions, feel free to ask. You can pm me too. I'm happy to share what I know to help. 

DoubleCheckMD Side Effects -

Lyrica may cause decreased sex drive (frequent). 
This drug may also cause the following symptoms that are related to decreased sex drive:
•Impotence (inability to achieve an erection or to ejaculate) Impotence (common)
•Lack of ability to have an orgasm Lack of ability to have an orgasm (common)
•Ejaculation problems Ejaculation problems (uncommon)


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## candice912 (Sep 4, 2010)

Lyrica side effect: Sexual dysfunction (Erection problems), a study from 121 people by eHealthMe.com

Notice here, it says the sexual dysfunction is in the sever category at 100%

It says 93% of males and 7% of females, but as I told you, I didn't know it was related and my doctor didn't seem to know that my sexual dysfunction was related to the lyrica either, so how many go unreported? 

Mg, 
But you already told me you KNOW it causes low libido. Why would you take it knowing that? If you are taking it for pain, there are many other things you can take for pain that don't do that. 

Don't take that crap, just so the doc can get a kickback. I never take anything off label anymore, no matter what the doc says; Off label means th'e doctor is prescribing it to you for that use, but it has never been tested for that use. That means you would be a guinea pig for pharma. I also stay away from meds that haven't been on the market a decade. Years ago, they had me on Vioxx and we all know what happened to Vioxx.


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## candice912 (Sep 4, 2010)

Lyrica side effect: Anorgasmia (Orgasmic dysfunction), a study from 29 people by eHealthMe.com

Anorgasmia is the inability to acheive orgasm. They only tested 29 people, but gasp, 67% of them had anorgasmia within 1-6 months of taking lyrica aka pregabalin.


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

I'm basically a solid, old fashioned sort of guy who has pretty strong beliefs in right and wrong. In my world, you make a promise and keep it or you're just a dishonorable douche-bag.

.... except when it comes to your wife who is honored by you working at the marriage and meeting her needs.

You have to hold your wife to your original view or else it is all talk and nothing behind it. You have to hold your wife accountable for making herself well, and meeting your needs to the best of her abilities. Now matter how sick she is she can do this. You have to stop tolerating less, while giving her heaps of motivation to try.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

I can only change myself. She is able to behave as a responsible adult with everyone else, so she can with me. It's not my job to teach a 43 year old with a masters degree basic standards of decent conduct. Can't change her but I don't have to hang around enduring and rewarding ill treatment, either. Maybe a year alone will get her attention. If not, I know the grid coordinates of the court house.


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## MGirl (Mar 13, 2011)

Candice-- As far as using prescription pain meds, I react horribly to them. It's a clear no-go where that's concerned. And if I keep taking Tylenol at the rate I am now, I'll destroy my liver. My options are limited. And my life has come to a standstill because of the pain.

My doctor only wants me on 25 mg twice a day. Perhaps I'm just too optimistic in the hope that I can get away with taking a low dose without side effects. I'm just desperate to get my life back at this point.

Do you have any other suggestions to treat the pain without killing my sex drive?


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## candice912 (Sep 4, 2010)

unbelievable said:


> I can only change myself. She is able to behave as a responsible adult with everyone else, so she can with me. It's not my job to teach a 43 year old with a masters degree basic standards of decent conduct. Can't change her but I don't have to hang around enduring and rewarding ill treatment, either. Maybe a year alone will get her attention. If not, I know the grid coordinates of the court house.


Unbelievable, 

The advice I gave you before is about someone with chronic pain, which your wife has. However, she also has the bi polar diagnosis. I had asked if the bi polar diagnosis came before or after the chronic pain, because after I fell and got injured, because of someone else's negligence, they tried to tell me I was depressed and didn't want to give me an mri. So, do you believe she is truely bi polar? People get slapped with that label or something like it every day now. Whereas, it was rare someone was given that diagnosis in the past and often hospitalized for it. I empathize with you if she truely is, because that is really hard. It can be heartbreaking. I told you I have a friend whom I've known since childhood who has that diagnosis. I never knew her to have it before,but after years of ssri's it seems that there is a problem now if there wasn't before. I can explain the chronic pain part, but bipolar is a whole different ball game. Do you guys have MC? I hope to God she has IC for that condition and not just pills as a stand alone treatment. 

How she s behaving, it is normal that she wants to appear together to the rest of the world. Granted, it may be robbing all her time and energy. It's not fair to you, I know. Going away for a year, might save your sanity, but it won't save your marriage. I watched my friend bite off more than she can chew and I think her husband might have suffered for that. I saw them not too long ago, and he seemed tired, although he always says he is fine. I don't see her too often anymore, because she is always, "busy" with obligations. It sadens me, becuase we used to talk every day. I know she is in there somewhere, but where? I tell you, because maybe that makes sense to you? If it does, then I'm really sorry.I know how painful that is. All I can say is try to get another doctor, and perhaps a better therapist.


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## candice912 (Sep 4, 2010)

MGirl said:


> Candice-- As far as using prescription pain meds, I react horribly to them. It's a clear no-go where that's concerned. And if I keep taking Tylenol at the rate I am now, I'll destroy my liver. My options are limited. And my life has come to a standstill because of the pain.
> 
> My doctor only wants me on 25 mg twice a day. Perhaps I'm just too optimistic in the hope that I can get away with taking a low dose without side effects. I'm just desperate to get my life back at this point.
> 
> Do you have any other suggestions to treat the pain without killing my sex drive?


MGirl,

You do not have to give up your libido for fibro! I'll help you. I'll give you info so you can make an informed decision. It's good you are asking questions. Keep asking. Be proactive.

I am certain you have not tried everything, or else what you are saying is that there is no med they could give you in the hospital, heaven forbid you ever need surgery in your life. I'm certain there is a pain medicine you are not allergic to. I have been diagnosed with fibro too, but I pay little attention to that diagnosis, it's the others, from the injury that concern me more. The fact that you are so young has no bearing. I was young too when I got injured. Hell, I'm still not that old! Anyways, I can help you with suggestions to help manage your condition. If you want to pm for help that you don't want posted, that's fine too. I say that, becuase of course I'm curious what pain meds you have tried? I am allergic to a laundry list myself. That is why they give me morphine for pain. Some people squack at that, but it's out of ignorance. I'm on a low dose that is equivalant to some other meds. I was put on it after an allergic recation, well several allergic reactions. 

I guess the doctors prescribed you some crap like methadone? 

I wonder is the fibro a stand alone diagnosis, or is it after an injury or something else? 

You are right about your liver. 

I have a friend who managed most of her fibro with a homeopath. Have you tried that? I understand if it's out of your price range. It's out of mine for the moment, but my condition is complex. 

Things that are supposed to help: high doses of omega-3, fish, blueberries, essentially yes, staying away from processed foods and foods that cause inflamation. There are books on the market that explain a low inflamation diet. Artificial sweetners, nutrasweet is known to cause headaches. 

You don't have to take these crappy anti depressants. Put your foot down, go see a different doctor and get real help. Yes, massage works too, if you can afford it. 

Accupuncture has helped me a lot and reduced how much meds I need to take. But find someone who beleves in Chi. That may sound silly, but it makes a difference. My western doctors who never seem impressed by anything, we completely amazed at the reduction iin my muscle spasms after seeing the accupuncturist. 

If one thing doesn't work, don't lie down like a rug and take some crap you aren't comfortable with. Keep searching. I had to fight to get real treatment and real pain meds for my condition. They tried to throw those antidepressants at me too. Why? Because those drugs are more profitable to the companies. To produce things like morphine, which is close to nature, there is almost no profit in that. Don't destroy your life so that big pharma can make more money. I sent you some links, but there is a lot more! There's plenty of scientific proof, but pharma buries it. 

Don't trust the doctors to tell you which one won't effect your libido. When I had problems and told my doc, he scratched his head and said it was unrelated and wanted me to go to a gyno. I was told it come come and go like a phantom. No one told me it had to do with lyrica, so watch out. I only found out long after the fact from doing research online, including medical reports, like the British Medical Journal, New England Journal of Medicine, and individual's testimony online.


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## candice912 (Sep 4, 2010)

MGirl said:


> Candice-- As far as using prescription pain meds, I react horribly to them. It's a clear no-go where that's concerned. And if I keep taking Tylenol at the rate I am now, I'll destroy my liver. My options are limited. And my life has come to a standstill because of the pain.
> 
> My doctor only wants me on 25 mg twice a day. Perhaps I'm just too optimistic in the hope that I can get away with taking a low dose without side effects. I'm just desperate to get my life back at this point.
> 
> Do you have any other suggestions to treat the pain without killing my sex drive?


MGirl, 

Here are some videos that might help at least somewhat. The russian guy is very good. Obviously, you might need your husband or friend to assist you, but I watched them with my husband, he followed them and it does help. 

YouTube - ‪Medical Massage For Fibromyalgia‬‏

This other one, I'm interested in getting his book, because this one technique he shows works. 

YouTube - ‪How to Quickly Release Neck Pain Massage‬‏


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## Halien (Feb 20, 2011)

I have enough similarities to understand some of the frustrations. My wife is sick all the time, has chronic issues, and is bipolar. She's high sex drive, but that's waning because she can't get the food addictions under control. I think she's nearly a hundred pounds overweight. 

The double standards hurt the most. Although I have a bad leg, I can still run and exercise with my leg brace on. I've always stayed healthy, and work out religiously. A few years ago, I was even asked to be on one of those "geeks of XXX" calendars where the technical people in my division did muscle shots on a calendar for charity. Wore our lab coats and glasses, but shirtless. The hotty women selected did lingerie or miniskirt shots. Still, my wife is pretty quick to tell me that she doesn't find me as attractive if I put on a few pounds, but her weight issue is the holy grail. also, to see her light up when her brother visits, treating him in a way I haven't seen in decades, is hurtful.

That said, I'm finding peace with it. I chose her, flaws and all. Beyond these issues, she's and incredible woman. In the past, I just thought too much about what I was missing, especially if I saw another couple where the wife smiled at the husband.

One thing that you might not have stumbled upon is that the bipolar condition can cause her to treat you in a way that she wouldn't allow with other people. My wife is obsessed at times with the idea that I'm not a blood relative. She admits to the therapist that this is part of the reason she is incredibly defensive with me. One time, she was going on and on about resentment, and our therapist asked her to name one incident that justified resentment. Everything was about what she 'thought' I was thinking. None of it was based upon actual words, actions or body language. In the end, I'm just not a blood relative.

Maybe you can try to better understand if her response is part of the condition, and if so, include this discussions with your occasional chats with her psychiatrist.


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