# Husband addicted to Fighting....with me!



## nikki4384

It's the craziest thing I've ever been in. We will be fine all day, week, whatever and then all of a sudden he starts an arguement over something, gets me all riled up and we go at it for a couple hours. He leaves for about an hour and then comes back acting like nothing happened and trying to flirt and get me to have sex with him. It's gotten so bad that the only time we do have sex is after one of these episodes. And I'm really not in the mood to do ANYTHING with him because we were just arguing/fighting. It's like it turns him on for me to be like " no, get away from me, don't touch me." So he tries harder and eventually I just give in because I'm too tired to argue any more. What is going on? I know this is not normal, has anyone else ever heard of something like this?


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## Amplexor

Sounds weird. Maybe he has fetish about make up sex. Seriously if so the behavior will continue as long as you continue to give in.
It could also be a power play for him. An ego trip so to speak. Either way it's not healthy for the relationship.


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## draconis

I agree it has to do with make up sex. Maybe he knows that is one way to get it.

draconis


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## GAsoccerman

yep sounds like a fetish of some sort. Talk to him about it


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## justean

alot of men easily forget the bad things they do. its how they deal with things . i think men deal with situations far differently to us women. we find talking a way of expressing and dealing with situations, men repress theirs and find it harder to deal with issue.Whats his past history? the sex i agree is the bargaining point but i dont think its a fetish. im not saying you wil get answers, but try and find out if there is anything bothering him and thats why he gets into these issues with you. find out what you both want from eachother sexually. then you might enjoy it more.
but from previous experience dont put up with abuse.


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## Russell

Fetish? I think that opinion is blind.


He's taking drugs. The mood swings are from withdrawl.

When he leaves... he gets high. When he comes back... he's in the mood for sex from the euphoria of the drug.

More than likely the drug is cocaine or ecstacy.

And yes, I've seen this type of behavior before. And no, I didn't do that to my wife. My drug of choice was alcohol or weed. However I have seen others with issues similar to yours, and I've seen the ramifications on a relationship.


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## SageMother

nikki4384 said:


> It's the craziest thing I've ever been in. We will be fine all day, week, whatever and then all of a sudden he starts an arguement over something, gets me all riled up and we go at it for a couple hours. He leaves for about an hour and then comes back acting like nothing happened and trying to flirt and get me to have sex with him. It's gotten so bad that the only time we do have sex is after one of these episodes. And I'm really not in the mood to do ANYTHING with him because we were just arguing/fighting. It's like it turns him on for me to be like " no, get away from me, don't touch me." So he tries harder and eventually I just give in because I'm too tired to argue any more. What is going on? I know this is not normal, has anyone else ever heard of something like this?


I have heard of people doing this. If you don't participate, he can't continue the activity. Have you tried leaving the room when he starts up?

If he isn't taking "no' as the answer when he tries to get physical after the fight, are you willing to continue being forced into sex?

This sounds like a form of abuse to me, but I could be wrong.


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## pretty69_angel

I really wish i could help but my hisband does da samethng.. im not sure he picks fights with me but after ne fight he wants in my pants, if i say no im not ready, we just fought. thn he tries harder. See wut ur goin threw. I really wish i could help both of us. Good luck n maybe we can try to get info for eachother.


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## lisakifttherapy

nikki4384 said:


> He leaves for about an hour and then comes back acting like nothing happened and trying to flirt and get me to have sex with him. :


I doubt this is a fetish - and it doesn't necessarily mean he's using drugs. I suspect it's more likely he's the kind of person who moves on from incident to incident quickly. This is a personality issue - I see this in couples a lot. One person (not necessarily the male) gets really riled up then forgets about it an hour later - while the other one is left reeling and angry still. Regarding the sex thing - I'm concerned that he's pushing you pretty hard. Typically, "no" means "no" unless this is a game you're both actively engaged in. 

All in all - seems like you guys need to clear the air on several fronts. 1) What's up with the sudden fighting? Is this intentional for some strange reason? (some people are quite comfortable in chaos if they've been accustomed to it in their lives) 2) You should try to resolve the differences you may have in how you process your conflict - he drops it and you don't. Whoever needs to talk more about it has that right. Otherwise there will be a buid up of resentment. 3) What's up with him pushing himself on you and why are you letting him? (that's another place for resentment to build)

People can be "addicted" to conflict. Like I mentioned earlier, if he has had a lot of life experiences that were like this - it can become a more comfortable or familiar place to be. Sounds strange - but it's true. A therapist could help him process that.


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## gjko

I'm in a very similar circumstance... I don't know why loves to start big blow-out fights, then immediately go into sex. After fighting, I feel exhausted, and after post-fight sex, I feel withdrawn and used.

I sincerely feel for you in your situation. I don't believe it is drugs, in my situation (or yours, for that matter), I do believe it is a certain fascination with "dramatic" sex, coupled with a sincere desire to "make things better". It truly is amazing how men communicate through sex.


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## Nomads

Hi Nikki, I'm so sorry to hear your problem.
I know it is old post, have you find out what's going on?
Hope you are alright
cheers'


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## Michael A. Brown

You are in a very terrible situation. If this will continue, this will surely going to mess up your relationship. Try to talk over with your husband about this matter.


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## davew

I am the husband but its the same thing for us only roles reversed.
It is very uncomfortable and it is not making love, it is sex.
I told her the feeling from it is no different than I can pickup at any local club on a Friday night. I do not go to clubs because I do not have a desire for that feeling.
It has caused a huge riff in our relationship to the point of why I am here on this board.


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