# Famous last words



## RebuildingMe

For those divorced or separated, any garbage that sticks in your mind uttered by your EX as parting, or near parting words? I have three:

1) I feel sorry for you because you’re going to just be an “every other weekend dad”. *I have 50/50*

2) you will never find another wife like me. I was the best thing that ever happened to you. *I hope to never find another person like you. Thankfully, so far, I haven’t.*

3) your stupid marriage sites broke us up.* Nope, my stupid marriage sites WOKE me up. *


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## HarryBosch

RebuildingMe said:


> 1) I feel sorry for you because you’re going to just be an “every other weekend dad”. *I have 50/50*


This was never said to me, but it sure would hurt. 

Remember that things that are said sometimes come from the inability to see that he/she had a hand in the divorce too. No divorce in my opinion is 100 percent one spouses fault.



RebuildingMe said:


> 2) you will never find another wife like me. I was the best thing that ever happened to you. *I hope to never find another person like you. Thankfully, so far, I haven’t.*


 This too was never said to me.. but this to me is again, try and hurt you.

Curiously you must be over the divorce... because I like your responses, whether they were verbal or inside your head.


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## HarryBosch

I do recall now one thing that was said...

You ruined our family. *I'm sorry, you had a hand it that too.*


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## RebuildingMe

HarryBosch said:


> This was never said to me, but it sure would hurt.
> 
> Remember that things that are said sometimes come from the inability to see that he/she had a hand in the divorce too. No divorce in my opinion is 100 percent one spouses fault.
> 
> 
> This too was never said to me.. but this to me is again, try and hurt you.
> 
> Curiously you must be over the divorce... because I like your responses, whether they were verbal or inside your head.


Yes I’m over it. It was a two year battle with a trial that lasted 12 days. Those are my responses now, in my head. Looking back, I didn’t respond directly to that garbage when it was said to me. Those responses are how I feel now after two years of freedom.


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## Evinrude58

“I have a few years left of looking good enough to attract a rich man, I’m not gonna waste it”

“if you made 150k a year, 90% of our problems would go away”

“feeding my H greasy meals, because he has a fat insurance policy” tweet (that’s how I found the cheating, discovered her Twitter acct.)

“I’m not attracted to you anymore”

“I’m hoping to find a man that can give me an orgasm”
She admitted a few years later it wasn’t me, she never did have one, and and admitted being very promiscuous for a while when we separated. Now she’s married to a wealthy heir that’s never worked, has drank for years, chain smokes cigarettes since he was 25, and had pancreatitis and nearly died from all the drinking a year or so after they were married. Actually a decent guy though, and my kids don’t dislike him. Just boring and no self motivation. 10 years older than she…. But that one hurt tremendously. I’ve since found I’m quite capable of causing orgasms with much more beautiful women than her.

“I should go to the front of the line at a buffet with pxxxy like this”. One of her tweets

“how far are you willing to drive”. Another tweet”

“sitting here at 5’s soccer game, sexting my Twitter crush. Am I a bad mom?” Tweet

I have more….. lol.


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## Numb26

I don't have the time or energy to list them all out here but here is my favorite.

Paraphrasing this, " I'll give you a threesome if it will make us even"


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## LisaDiane

HarryBosch said:


> I do recall now one thing that was said...
> 
> You ruined our family. *I'm sorry, you had a hand it that too.*


After reading your story, I have a very hard time thinking of you as any kind of victim. I don't mean that harshly, but I won't lie to you.


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## Cocomoon

My divorce is currently ongoing but when I finally told him that I could no longer attempt reconciliation after his affair and was choosing me over us he said “I still own your ass!” Referring to the small tattoo of his first name I have in a private place. I know, *worst* idea ever. Although he insisted he was referring to the tattoo I think he meant much more by that statement. He thinks because he makes all the money he can control me. It revealed quite a lot to me. Think again, buddy!


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## ah_sorandy

Cocomoon said:


> My divorce is currently ongoing but when I finally told him that I could no longer attempt reconciliation after his affair and was choosing me over us he said “I still own your ass!” Referring to the small tattoo of his first name I have in a private place. I know, *worst* idea ever. Although he insisted he was referring to the tattoo I think he meant much more by that statement. He thinks because he makes all the money he can control me. It revealed quite a lot to me. Think again, buddy!


I guess you'll need some more 'ink work' done on that private place!


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## Cocomoon

ah_sorandy said:


> I guess you'll need some more 'ink work' done on that private place!


Undecided if I’ll go for a cover-up or removal. Not looking forward to either but can’t live with his name there for the rest of my life.


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## ah_sorandy

Cocomoon said:


> Undecided if I’ll go for a cover-up or removal. Not looking forward to either but can’t live with his name there for the rest of my life.


Or, you could find another partner with the same name!


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## lifeistooshort

"I know you'll wake up and realize that you're throwing away the life we built".

Umm, no.....the throwing away was done by you. Between your nasty passive aggressive conflict avoidant ******** and the lying about your side trash our entire 13 years together (among other things) I decided that you weren't that great of a deal.

And you're still single (I'm not) since your ho was on marriage #5, and you've shown historically that you don't actually wish to be seen with her, so you blew up your marriage over trash you don't even want to be seen with.

And as it turns out I don't even need your money. I make a lot more then you and even with my 2 boys my grocery bill is half of what it was with you (because you didn't buy anything but ate everything in sight). The one who had to downsize and cut cable was you.

So no....I didn't throw anything away. My life has greatly improved without you.


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## RebuildingMe

Numb26 said:


> I don't have the time or energy to list them all out here but here is my favorite.
> 
> Paraphrasing this, " I'll give you a threesome if it will make us even"


You should’ve said yes, did it and then served her with the papers 😂


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## RebuildingMe

Cocomoon said:


> Undecided if I’ll go for a cover-up or removal. Not looking forward to either but can’t live with his name there for the rest of my life.


That’s going to take some explaining for the next guy ☹


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## HarryBosch

LisaDiane said:


> After reading your story, I have a very hard time thinking of you as any kind of victim. I don't mean that harshly, but I won't lie to you.


Oh I never considered myself a "Victim". I consider myself very responsible for the ending of my marriage. That said, when someone can't express themselves because of anxiety or fear, they can't very well address the problems they see in a marriage. I was never secure enough to say, nor was I in a place to to address, the simple issues a marriage can have. I put myself there, no blame on the Ex.

I do have to ask though...Because of my transgressions am I unworthy of offering advice? I simply am cognizant that a failure in a marriage is a two way street.. even if one contributed in a very small way. I think too many just blame the other or put it all on themselves without actually thinking about how they got to where they are. That is part of recovery, taking responsibility and recognizing your role in the failure of the marriage... but it also is re-evaluating the things of the past and recognizing how that effected your own behavior and taking steps to alleviate those behaviors.


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## HarryBosch

RebuildingMe said:


> Yes I’m over it. It was a two year battle with a trial that lasted 12 days. Those are my responses now, in my head. Looking back, I didn’t respond directly to that garbage when it was said to me. Those responses are how I feel now after two years of freedom.


Yeah, it's too fresh for me to have any zinger responses. Not that I would have any because quite frankly I'm just empty inside, and I'm not sure that once I begin to repair the damage I've created in me that I'll care... hell, I'm already so disconnected that I don't care.


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## Openminded

“And after all I’ve given you.”

Yep, and I would have traded every last one of the lake houses and cars and boats and vacations and all that jewelry to have a faithful husband. Because while those material things meant everything to you, they meant nothing to me. All I wanted was a happy life with you — not lots of stuff. No more.


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## Wolfman1968

Cocomoon said:


> Undecided if I’ll go for a cover-up or removal. Not looking forward to either but can’t live with his name there for the rest of my life.


Well, after he split from Winona Ryder, Johnny Depp had his "Winona Forever" tattoo converted to "Wino Forever". 

And, actually, in view of some of the news about him recently, it looks like that revision was quite appropriate.


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## lifeistooshort

Openminded said:


> “And after all I’ve given you.”
> 
> Yep, and I would have traded every last one of the lake houses and cars and boats and vacations and all that jewelry to have a faithful husband. Because while those material things meant everything to you, they meant nothing to me. All I wanted was a happy life with you — not lots of stuff. No more.


It's telling when after years they don't seem to know what's important to you...they assume that what matters to them must matter to you too.

This is on a much smaller scale but my ex was really into cards. He sent them to everyone foe every occasion....part of his I'm a nice guy image management.

Cards never meant much to me but I knew he liked them so I bought them for him. 

Right after I divorced him what did he do? Sent me a fancy card for my bday, then when I didn't acknowledged it (I had ignored all attempts at communication) he demanded to know why I didn't thank him. The fact that I never cared for cards never entered his thought process....he liked them and that's what mattered.

Cheap ****er didn't even include a gift card....I MIGHT have thanked him for that 😅


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## TXTrini

RebuildingMe said:


> For those divorced or separated, any garbage that sticks in your mind uttered by your EX as parting, or near parting words? I have three:
> 
> 1) I feel sorry for you because you’re going to just be an “every other weekend dad”. *I have 50/50*
> 
> 2) you will never find another wife like me. I was the best thing that ever happened to you. *I hope to never find another person like you. Thankfully, so far, I haven’t.*
> 
> 3) your stupid marriage sites broke us up.* Nope, my stupid marriage sites WOKE me up. *


My ex just said he F'ed up, I was a good person who didn't deserve "this". Yet he never apologized but offered help me with anything I needed and wanted to be friends. I told him I'd be fine and he wasn't my idea of a friend.


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## HarryBosch

TXTrini said:


> he wasn't my idea of a friend


This one jogged my memory..

If it weren't for our kids, we wouldn't be friends.

That one hurt.


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## Numb26

RebuildingMe said:


> You should’ve said yes, did it and then served her with the papers 😂


After I found out what she did I wasn't going to touch her in anyway. 🤣🤣🤣


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## Cynthia

HarryBosch said:


> No divorce in my opinion is 100 percent one spouses fault.


This is a ridiculous and illogical statement. In reality, it takes only one person to destroy a marriage, but it takes two people to make a healthy marriage. Yes, in a lot of marriages both spouses caused the breakdown, but that's not always the case. 

Sent from my SM-G965U using Tapatalk


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## Openminded

lifeistooshort said:


> It's telling when after years they don't seem to know what's important to you...they assume that what matters to them must matter to you too.
> 
> This is on a much smaller scale but my ex was really into cards. He sent them to everyone foe every occasion....part of his I'm a nice guy image management.
> 
> Cards never meant much to me but I knew he liked them so I bought them for him.
> 
> Right after I divorced him what did he do? Sent me a fancy card for my bday, then when I didn't acknowledged it (I had ignored all attempts at communication) he demanded to know why I didn't thank him. The fact that I never cared for cards never entered his thought process....he liked them and that's what mattered.
> 
> Cheap ****er didn't even include a gift card....I MIGHT have thanked him for that 😅


What was most important to me was quality time. He was ultra-stingy with that — probably because it wasn’t important to him. I knew he loved expensive things and I got them for him on every occasion but I didn’t want them myself. I wanted his time — a simple picnic that he organized would have been perfect. Instead I got more jewelry than I could ever wear. He probably had his assistant order most of the jewelry so I don’t think much thought went into it. I got rid of almost all of it except for a few pieces that I kept for my grandchildren. And yet all the stuff he’d given me was his main concern when I said I was getting out.


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## RebuildingMe

TXTrini said:


> My ex just said he F'ed up, I was a good person who didn't deserve "this". Yet he never apologized but offered help me with anything I needed and wanted to be friends. I told him I'd be fine and he wasn't my idea of a friend.


Some people don’t ever have it in them to apologize. I never expected one and never got one.


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## RebuildingMe

Openminded said:


> What was most important to me was quality time. He was ultra-stingy with that — probably because it wasn’t important to him. I knew he loved expensive things and I got them for him on every occasion but I didn’t want them myself. I wanted his time — a simple picnic that he organized would have been perfect. Instead I got more jewelry than I could ever wear. He probably had his assistant order most of the jewelry so I don’t think much thought went into it. I got rid of almost all of it except for a few pieces that I kept for my grandchildren. And yet all the stuff he’d given me was his main concern when I said I was getting out.


Probably because for him, buying things was the easy way out. After all, a picnic requires too much work, planning and romanticism.


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## TXTrini

RebuildingMe said:


> Some people don’t ever have it in them to apologize. I never expected one and never got one.


I suppose. 

His family didn't apologize for how they treated me either, but are still trying to stay in my life. It's been nearly 3 yrs , I'm trying to move on.


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## HarryBosch

Cynthia said:


> This is a ridiculous and illogical statement. In reality, it takes only one person to destroy a marriage, but it takes two people to make a healthy marriage. Yes, in a lot of marriages both spouses caused the breakdown, but that's not always the case.
> 
> Sent from my SM-G965U using Tapatalk


Because every one of us isn't perfect. We are human, and as humans, we make mistakes. Never mind the rationality.

I recall my father telling my mother that he and I were heading up north to do some fishing. My mother told him "No, you're not"

My father responded with "Well then I can just leave"..

They were young and dumb at that time, but that was a mistake my father made, his ego at the time was just too big. 

People say stupid things and do stupid things, sometimes over nothing. Divorce is no different. Everyone plays a part .. to just flatly say "it's all you" and buy that there wasn't anything you did and you're not culpable.. even if it's microscopic, is naive.


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## RebuildingMe

TXTrini said:


> I suppose.
> 
> His family didn't apologize for how they treated me either, but are still trying to stay in my life. It's been nearly 3 yrs , I'm trying to move on.


When I cut ties with both wives, that also included both of their families. No contact is no contact.


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## Cocomoon

RebuildingMe said:


> That’s going to take some explaining for the next guy ☹


Luckily I don’t plan on there being a next guy any time soon so I have time to figure it out. I do hate that I can’t completely erase it no matter what. I’ll always know it’s there hiding.


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## hamadryad

Evinrude58 said:


> “I have a few years left of looking good enough to attract a rich man, I’m not gonna waste it”
> 
> “if you made 150k a year, 90% of our problems would go away”
> 
> “feeding my H greasy meals, because he has a fat insurance policy” tweet (that’s how I found the cheating, discovered her Twitter acct.)
> 
> “I’m not attracted to you anymore”
> 
> “I’m hoping to find a man that can give me an orgasm”
> She admitted a few years later it wasn’t me, she never did have one, and and admitted being very promiscuous for a while when we separated. Now she’s married to a wealthy heir that’s never worked, has drank for years, chain smokes cigarettes since he was 25, and had pancreatitis and nearly died from all the drinking a year or so after they were married. Actually a decent guy though, and my kids don’t dislike him. Just boring and no self motivation. 10 years older than she…. But that one hurt tremendously. I’ve since found I’m quite capable of causing orgasms with much more beautiful women than her.
> 
> “I should go to the front of the line at a buffet with pxxxy like this”. One of her tweets
> 
> “how far are you willing to drive”. Another tweet”
> 
> “sitting here at 5’s soccer game, sexting my Twitter crush. Am I a bad mom?” Tweet
> 
> I have more….. lol.


Wow....that stuff is brutal, man. 

I have a lot of respect for you. You seem pretty balanced and I don't think its an act. . I'd imagine stuff like that could destroy someone horribly.

Fortunately things ended amicably and while there may have been some things said, I never heard them ..we were really just not meant for one another and to get petty would only destroy a child's upbringing...we still had to be a team in that respect.


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## HarryBosch

Cynthia said:


> This is a ridiculous and illogical statement. In reality, it takes only one person to destroy a marriage, but it takes two people to make a healthy marriage. Yes, in a lot of marriages both spouses caused the breakdown, but that's not always the case.
> 
> Sent from my SM-G965U using Tapatalk


I'll give you the benefit a bit here.. You are saying "destroy" a marriage... I'm talking about marriage failure. Anyone can blow **** up. So you're right. But two people normally have done some stupid things that fester, and even if the other is lily white in their eyes, they did something to cause that festering.


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## Cocomoon

Wolfman1968 said:


> Well, after he split from Winona Ryder, Johnny Depp had his "Winona Forever" tattoo converted to "Wino Forever".
> 
> And, actually, in view of some of the news about him recently, it looks like that revision was quite appropriate.


I’ve tried to think of something clever like this but his name can’t really be changed into a different word. Maybe it’ll come to me when I least expect it! 

He has my name tattooed on his forearm. I’ve thought of a few funny (to me) things he could do to edit it, but I will never share my ideas with him. At least I can easily hide mine until absolutely necessary.


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## RebuildingMe

Evinrude58 said:


> “I have a few years left of looking good enough to attract a rich man, I’m not gonna waste it”
> 
> “if you made 150k a year, 90% of our problems would go away”
> 
> “feeding my H greasy meals, because he has a fat insurance policy” tweet (that’s how I found the cheating, discovered her Twitter acct.)
> 
> “I’m not attracted to you anymore”
> 
> “I’m hoping to find a man that can give me an orgasm”
> She admitted a few years later it wasn’t me, she never did have one, and and admitted being very promiscuous for a while when we separated. Now she’s married to a wealthy heir that’s never worked, has drank for years, chain smokes cigarettes since he was 25, and had pancreatitis and nearly died from all the drinking a year or so after they were married. Actually a decent guy though, and my kids don’t dislike him. Just boring and no self motivation. 10 years older than she…. But that one hurt tremendously. I’ve since found I’m quite capable of causing orgasms with much more beautiful women than her.
> 
> “I should go to the front of the line at a buffet with pxxxy like this”. One of her tweets
> 
> “how far are you willing to drive”. Another tweet”
> 
> “sitting here at 5’s soccer game, sexting my Twitter crush. Am I a bad mom?” Tweet
> 
> I have more….. lol.


It sounds like she was a gold digger and found gold in the old man.


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## LisaDiane

HarryBosch said:


> Oh I never considered myself a "Victim". I consider myself very responsible for the ending of my marriage. That said, when someone can't express themselves because of anxiety or fear, they can't very well address the problems they see in a marriage. I was never secure enough to say, nor was I in a place to to address, the simple issues a marriage can have. I put myself there, no blame on the Ex.
> 
> I do have to ask though...Because of my transgressions am I unworthy of offering advice? I simply am cognizant that a failure in a marriage is a two way street.. even if one contributed in a very small way. I think too many just blame the other or put it all on themselves without actually thinking about how they got to where they are. That is part of recovery, taking responsibility and recognizing your role in the failure of the marriage... but it also is re-evaluating the things of the past and recognizing how that effected your own behavior and taking steps to alleviate those behaviors.


Oh no, I don't mean that you cannot offer advice...I think you must have very good advice from your experiences!!! I was responding to what you said about your EX saying that you ruined your marriage and you adding in the bolded that SHE had a part in that...which I think is unfair of you. Because you should know that if SHE had come here posting about your issues, EVERYONE would have told her to leave you. Some on here even equate porn with cheating (I don't), and would have told her that.

You make very good points about dual responsibilities for partners' issues in a marriage. However, there comes a point when your supposed partner is CAUSING your anxiety and fear because they have damaged your trust so badly, and the toxicity reaches critical levels, and then emotional survival is the only option. That is what your story made me think of for your partner.


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## Numb26

Cynthia said:


> This is a ridiculous and illogical statement. In reality, it takes only one person to destroy a marriage, but it takes two people to make a healthy marriage. Yes, in a lot of marriages both spouses caused the breakdown, but that's not always the case.
> 
> Sent from my SM-G965U using Tapatalk


I agree! My divorce was all my XW's fault


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## HarryBosch

Numb26 said:


> I agree! My divorce was all my XW's fault


 ..and you were the perfect husband, right?

Everyone recovers from divorce. Part of that recovery is looking in the mirror and realizing that you're fallible too. No one can say I never did anything to cause this, even unknowingly things were said that set the other off. I'm not saying it's rational, I'm just saying behaviors set other things in motion, even if they're the most ridiculous things you think have nothing to do with your divorce.


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## Openminded

RebuildingMe said:


> Probably because for him, buying things was the easy way out. After all, a picnic requires too much work, planning and romanticism.


Yes, I think that was it. Much easier to tell someone else to do it for him so he likely didn’t even have to bother picking it out. A simple afternoon picnic at a nearby park in the city would have been the perfect gift but that was not something he personally wanted so apparently it wasn’t something I should have wanted either. Live and learn.


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## Cocomoon

HarryBosch said:


> ..and you were the perfect husband, right?
> 
> Everyone recovers from divorce. Part of that recovery is looking in the mirror and realizing that you're fallible too. No one can say I never did anything to cause this, even unknowingly things were said that set the other off. I'm not saying it's rational, I'm just saying behaviors set other things in motion, even if they're the most ridiculous things you think have nothing to do with your divorce.


What about somebody like me who is divorcing because her husband had an affair? He says our divorce is actually my fault because I decided I couldn’t work on reconciliation anymore while he is still willing to try. It’s my fault that we are divorcing because I decided I can’t trust him and that I don’t want to feel like second fiddle and those feelings are my fault.


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## In Absentia

You are leaving me for sex… 😊


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## HarryBosch

LisaDiane said:


> Oh no, I don't mean that you cannot offer advice...I think you must have very good advice from your experiences!!! I was responding to what you said about your EX saying that you ruined your marriage and you adding in the bolded that SHE had a part in that...which I think is unfair of you. Because you should know that if SHE had come here posting about your issues, EVERYONE would have told her to leave you. Some on here even equate porn with cheating (I don't), and would have told her that.
> 
> You make very good points about dual responsibilities for partners' issues in a marriage. However, there comes a point when your supposed partner is CAUSING your anxiety and fear because they have damaged your trust so badly, and the toxicity reaches critical levels, and then emotional survival is the only option. That is what your story made me think of for your partner.


Hey Lisa... The anxiety and fear were my own. I couldn't grow a set and be a man. The truth is, my response is coming from a place where I'm not sure of anything right now, and that response could very well be.

*I did ruin everything, and I know "I'm Sorry" isn't going to cut it.*


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## RebuildingMe

Cocomoon said:


> What about somebody like me who is divorcing because her husband had an affair? He says our divorce is actually my fault because I decided I couldn’t work on reconciliation anymore while he is still willing to try. It’s my fault that we are divorcing because I decided I can’t trust him and that I don’t want to feel like second fiddle and those feelings are my fault.


I think what @HarryBosch is trying to say is that successful and unsuccessful marriages are contributions from both spouses. Affairs suck and are unforgivable in my opinion. The affairs aside, I had my faults in both marriages. Whether it was drinking too much occasionally, not supporting her when my daughter moved in with us, whatever. I agree, no one is perfect. I also agree with you on leaving your marriage because an affair IS the red line. Once crossed, there’s no coming back.


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## HarryBosch

Cocomoon said:


> What about somebody like me who is divorcing because her husband had an affair? He says our divorce is actually my fault because I decided I couldn’t work on reconciliation anymore while he is still willing to try. It’s my fault that we are divorcing because I decided I can’t trust him and that I don’t want to feel like second fiddle and those feelings are my fault.


There is a difference when someone is projecting every fault on the other. People can be irrational.. that was the caveat in all of this. He may have been put off over something ridiculously stupid, and that behavior caused another stupid decision, then another. I'm not saying it's anyone's fault, but the perfect spouse never said anything in jest? Something triggers everyone, No matter how silly, and some go off the deep end.


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## HarryBosch

RebuildingMe said:


> I think what @HarryBosch is trying to say is that successful and unsuccessful marriages are contributions from both spouses. Affairs suck and are unforgivable in my opinion. The affairs aside, I had my faults in both marriages. Whether it was drinking too much occasionally, not supporting her when my daughter moved in with us, whatever. I agree, no one is perfect. I also agree with you on leaving your marriage because an affair IS the red line. Once crossed, there’s no coming back.


That is exactly what I'm trying to say. The affair is the blow up... it's what got one there that is much more difficult to ascertain... and it's usually something very stupid and irrational.


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## HarryBosch

I will add that folks will always believe when someone is lying that they automatically had an affair. That is a stereotype. 

I lied through my teeth, and I spilled everything.. I wanted to be free of the lies, that is a burden I no longer wanted to carry, and no longer wanted to continue causing damage. I have a long road in therapy.. but I never had an EA or a PA. To not spill that would not have allowed me to be free from the lies.


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## lifeistooshort

Blaming the betrayed spouse for wanting a divorce is standard cheater MO. My ex did it too.....lied about everything until he realized what I already knew and then he admitted to exactly what he thought I knew and no more. Until he realized I knew more then the story changed again.

But hey....he half assed apologized and went to a couple of counseling sessions (where he participated minimally...just enough to lie more) so why couldn't I just let it go? Why did I want to be miserable?

It's never what they did...it's your reaction to it. Cheaters are selfish and entitled by nature.


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## Erudite

From my perspective his behavior drove me away. His perspective and I quote. "You are the one who left." Like I was unwilling to try to save us. That line also had the follow up "You will be okay from now on because I set it up to be that way." There was the non apology "I made some decisions that didn't work out."

The level to which my ex takes zero accountability boggles my mind.


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## Erudite

lifeistooshort said:


> Blaming the betrayed spouse for wanting a divorce is standard cheater MO. My ex did it too.....lied about everything until he realized what I already knew and then he admitted to exactly what he thought I knew and no more. Until he realized I knew more then the story changed again.
> 
> But hey....he half assed apologized and went to a couple of counseling sessions (where he participated minimally...just enough to lie more) so why couldn't I just let it go? Why did I want to be miserable?
> 
> It's never what they did...it's your reaction to it. Cheaters are selfish and entitled by nature.


Cheaters AND abusers!


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## Cocomoon

Erudite said:


> Cheaters AND abusers!


Well my therapist says that cheating is a form of abuse, so of course.


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## Bulfrog1987

Mine made fun of my part-time job as the director of a daycare program, told me I was “too booshie’ to live in $100 a month trailer (not sure what all that meant, but he was drunk when he said it) and said I would never be equal to him. Oh and also I am a Christian *****. 

Excuse me? Remember when you had $300 to your name and were almost in bankruptcy? Who dug you out of financial ruin and married you when you had nothing?

Sadly, he’s not my ex so to speak but my LH,all that was just leading up to him taking his life. I thought he hated me, but it was himself he hates. I just couldn’t see it then.


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## LisaDiane

HarryBosch said:


> Hey Lisa... The anxiety and fear were my own. I couldn't grow a set and be a man. The truth is, my response is coming from a place where I'm not sure of anything right now, and that response could very well be.
> 
> *I did ruin everything, and I know "I'm Sorry" isn't going to cut it.*


I believe you are being honest and genuine about your feelings, and no matter the reason, I'm sorry you are in such a difficult place right now.


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## RebuildingMe

Bulfrog1987 said:


> Mine made fun of my part-time job as the director of a daycare program, told me I was “too booshie’ to live in $100 a month trailer (not sure what all that meant, but he was drunk when he said it) and said I would never be equal to him. Oh and also I am a Christian ***.
> 
> Excuse me? Remember when you had $300 to your name and were almost in bankruptcy? Who dug you out of financial ruin and married you when you had nothing?
> 
> Sadly, he’s not my ex so to speak but my LH,all that was just leading up to him taking his life. I thought he hated me, but it was himself he hates. I just couldn’t see it then.


Stupid me always thought LH was loving husband. Now I see it means late husband for you. I’m asleep at the switch. I’m sorry.


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## Bulfrog1987

RebuildingMe said:


> Stupid me always thought LH was loving husband. Now I see it means late husband for you. I’m asleep at the switch. I’m sorry.


Haha actually, I probably should put LH, I should be spelling that out. Lazy me. Lol


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## LATERILUS79

I was definitely told my “stupid marriage site” was causing us problems.

how interesting.

you mean the site filled with people that give me a different perspective instead of the one you constantly control?


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## Bulfrog1987

LATERILUS79 said:


> I was definitely told my “stupid marriage site” was causing us problems.
> 
> how interesting.
> 
> you mean the site filled with people that give me a different perspective instead of the one you constantly control?


Yea, my husband didn’t want me talking to anyone about our issues. He wanted one to control the narrative or make sure I wasn’t getting any advice that could steer me away from our relationship.


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## LATERILUS79

Bulfrog1987 said:


> Yea, my husband didn’t want me talking to anyone about our issues. He wanted one to control the narrative or make sure I wasn’t getting any advice that could steer me away from our relationship.


Funny how people like that work.

they don’t like it when you are given all the information - you might just find out they aren’t all that great of a person.


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## Numb26

LATERILUS79 said:


> Funny how people like that work.
> 
> they don’t like it when you are given all the information - you might just find out they aren’t all that great of a person.


I don't think my XW ever knew I was here during that time


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## cp3o

Not last - but in their own way final.......
_"I'm almost glad you caught me - I think I was getting to the stage where I would have sex with any man_"

(I have good reasons for thinking (no certain proof) that her BF's husband had been sharing her with his pals).


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## lifeistooshort

LATERILUS79 said:


> I was definitely told my “stupid marriage site” was causing us problems.
> 
> how interesting.
> 
> you mean the site filled with people that give me a different perspective instead of the one you constantly control?


Anyone who tells you not to put up with their ******** is the enemy.

That's how this works 😅


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## RebuildingMe

LATERILUS79 said:


> Funny how people like that work.
> 
> they don’t like it when you are given all the information - you might just find out they aren’t all that great of a person.


She felt threatened that I was getting advice from others on TAM. Up until that time, I was just being steamrolled by her and her parents.


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## RandomDude

Numb26 said:


> I don't have the time or energy to list them all out here but here is my favorite.
> 
> Paraphrasing this, " I'll give you a threesome if it will make us even"


Hahahahahahahah WTF


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## Marc878

TXTrini said:


> I suppose.
> 
> His family didn't apologize for how they treated me either, but are still trying to stay in my life. It's been nearly 3 yrs , I'm trying to move on.


Learn to ignore


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## Marc878

Cocomoon said:


> What about somebody like me who is divorcing because her husband had an affair? He says our divorce is actually my fault because I decided I couldn’t work on reconciliation anymore while he is still willing to try. It’s my fault that we are divorcing because I decided I can’t trust him and that I don’t want to feel like second fiddle and those feelings are my fault.


Nope. IMO marriage is for two. An affair ends the marriage. It’s not a game of golf where you get a mulligan or do over.
Repeated infidelity is not uncommon.
Let them go. Reconciliations happen but successful ones are rare from what I’ve seen.


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## Evinrude58

I became totally indifferent to my ex, her new husband has plenty of money, treats my kids good, has never given me any trouble.
I am extremely lucky he took her in. 
Over the weekend my youngest told me my 17 yr old daughter had her bf over at their stepdads house and when the guy found out her bf was still there at midnight, he told the kid to “get the hell out”. If only he knew I’d like to give him a high five. That’s the kind of nonsense my ex allows. 
She was awful, just a person of low character. Wanted an easy life. She has it. From what my kids say, she still isn’t happy.


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## Enigma32

Exes always say this kind of crap. I think it's their way of justifying things in their head when they take the low road and screw you over. That, and we are all the hero in our own story. Very few people actually admit they were the bad guy in their previous relationship. My ex wife said some nasty things to and about me on the way out and her doing so motivated me to do better. The last serious relationship I was in, my ex was recently badmouthing me to mutual friends, but then she asked one of those friends if they thought I would ever talk to her again. The point is, people say all kinds of crap and it's mostly meaningless other than it being a sign you need to get away from them.


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## Marc878

Evinrude58 said:


> I became totally indifferent to my ex, her new husband has plenty of money, treats my kids good, has never given me any trouble.
> I am extremely lucky he took her in.
> Over the weekend my youngest told me my 17 yr old daughter had her bf over at their stepdads house and when the guy found out her bf was still there at midnight, he told the kid to “get the hell out”. If only he knew I’d like to give him a high five. That’s the kind of nonsense my ex allows.
> She was awful, just a person of low character. Wanted an easy life. She has it. From what my kids say, she still isn’t happy.


Those types never are.


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## RebuildingMe

Evinrude58 said:


> I became totally indifferent to my ex, her new husband has plenty of money, treats my kids good, has never given me any trouble.
> I am extremely lucky he took her in.
> Over the weekend my youngest told me my 17 yr old daughter had her bf over at their stepdads house and when the guy found out her bf was still there at midnight, he told the kid to “get the hell out”. If only he knew I’d like to give him a high five. That’s the kind of nonsense my ex allows.
> She was awful, just a person of low character. Wanted an easy life. She has it. From what my kids say, she still isn’t happy.


People like her will never be happy. They keep thinking they are entitled to even more.


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## RandomDude

Man you guys have messed up exs.


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## harperlee

RebuildingMe said:


> Yes I’m over it. It was a two year battle with a trial that lasted 12 days. Those are my responses now, in my head. Looking back, I didn’t respond directly to that garbage when it was said to me. Those responses are how I feel now after two years of freedom.





RebuildingMe said:


> People like her will never be happy. They keep thinking they are entitled to even more.


Kindly, perhaps it's time to move on. This is having too much space in your head after two years of freedom.
We all choose our own path. None of us are living outside of pain or disappointment with the twists and turns of life.
Wishing people ill and living in bitterness is a choice.


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## RebuildingMe

harperlee said:


> Kindly, perhaps it's time to move on. This is having too much space in your head after two years of freedom.
> We all choose our own path. None of us are living outside of pain or disappointment with the twists and turns of life.
> Wishing people ill and living in bitterness is a choice.


I was referring to @Evinrude58 ex, not mine.


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## Marc878

Reflecting back doesn’t necessarily mean you haven’t moved on.
I think from what I see it’s a great comedy.😂


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## harperlee

I'm aware. The rage is palpable.


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## ConanHub

RebuildingMe said:


> For those divorced or separated, any garbage that sticks in your mind uttered by your EX as parting, or near parting words? I have three:
> 
> 1) I feel sorry for you because you’re going to just be an “every other weekend dad”. *I have 50/50*
> 
> 2) you will never find another wife like me. I was the best thing that ever happened to you. *I hope to never find another person like you. Thankfully, so far, I haven’t.*
> 
> 3) your stupid marriage sites broke us up.* Nope, my stupid marriage sites WOKE me up. *


Number 2 is interesting. Didn't she cheat? Did she really think you couldn't do better than that?


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## Vorpal

What are you going to do, divorce me?
(Said by my alcoholic wife, drunk at 11 a.m. Aug. 6, 2019. Gave her papers Aug. 13.)


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## NorthernGuard

RebuildingMe said:


> That’s going to take some explaining for the next guy ☹


Get this. One of my best friends was soooo certain that her boyfriend of 3 years was the love of her life, was perfect in all ways, that they were destined to be together forever, twin flames, "the one", etc, that she made the colossal mistake of getting a tattoo directly above her pubic area that says: Property of "his first and last name"! 

I never cared for this guy. He seemed shady and I got player vibes from him. We, her friends, tried in vain to talk her out of it. I pleaded with her not to go through with it (she was surprisng him for his bday). She would get defensive that we didn't support her relationship. He was the only man who would ever see it for the rest of her life, and any concerns we voiced was a mute point. So, she had it done.

I'm sure you can see where this is going, lol? Less than a year later she caught him in bed with another woman. He'd been "dating" her. She knew about my friend and didn't care. She wanted her man. She got him. Down the bottom of that rabbit hole, turned out he'd been cheating on her their entire relatioship with multiple women and was a serial cheater.

He's long gone. But that tattoo isn't. And it's been an issue for every man she's been in a relationship with since. She's single atm, and finally planning on getting it covered. My friend doesn't even have the excuse of being young and dumb when she did this. She was in her 30's ffs!


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## RebuildingMe

ConanHub said:


> Number 2 is interesting. Didn't she cheat? Did she really think you couldn't do better than that?


Apparently because she “behaved” the last 3 years of the marriage.


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## RebuildingMe

Vorpal said:


> What are you going to do, divorce me?
> (Said by my alcoholic wife, drunk at 11 a.m. Aug. 6, 2019. Gave her papers Aug. 13.)


So for 7 days she thought you were full of ****
and all talk. Nice!


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## RebuildingMe

NorthernGuard said:


> Get this. One of my best friends was soooo certain that her boyfriend of 3 years was the love of her life, was perfect in all ways, that they were destined to be together forever, twin flames, "the one", etc, that she made the colossal mistake of getting a tattoo directly above her pubic area that says: Property of "his first and last name"!
> 
> I never cared for this guy. He seemed shady and I got player vibes from him. We, her friends, tried in vain to talk her out of it. I pleaded with her not to go through with it (she was surprisng him for his bday). She would get defensive that we didn't support her relationship. He was the only man who would ever see it for the rest of her life, and any concerns we voiced was a mute point. So, she had it done.
> 
> I'm sure you can see where this is going, lol? Less than a year later she caught him in bed with another woman. He'd been "dating" her. She knew about my friend and didn't care. She wanted her man. She got him. Down the bottom of that rabbit hole, turned out he'd been cheating on her their entire relatioship with multiple women and was a serial cheater.
> 
> He's long gone. But that tattoo isn't. And it's been an issue for every man she's been in a relationship with since. She's single atm, and finally planning on getting it covered. My friend doesn't even have the excuse of being young and dumb when she did this. She was in her 30's ffs!


She has no one to blame but herself. Yeah, if I saw that, there wouldn’t be another encounter with her for me.


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## Vorpal

RebuildingMe said:


> So for 7 days she thought you were full of sh$t
> and all talk. Nice!


She'd been to rehab twice and promised she wouldn't drink. Lasted 4 days the last time. I reminded her of her promise. And, that's when she asked what I was going to do. Part challenge. Part FU. Part what's going to be different this time. What was different is that I'd finally had enough. She hadn't hit rock bottom, but I sure as hell wasn't going to make the trip with her. First stop, attorney. Second stop CPA. Third stop, courthouse. I gave her the papers myself.


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## Cocomoon

NorthernGuard said:


> Get this. One of my best friends was soooo certain that her boyfriend of 3 years was the love of her life, was perfect in all ways, that they were destined to be together forever, twin flames, "the one", etc, that she made the colossal mistake of getting a tattoo directly above her pubic area that says: Property of "his first and last name"!
> 
> I never cared for this guy. He seemed shady and I got player vibes from him. We, her friends, tried in vain to talk her out of it. I pleaded with her not to go through with it (she was surprisng him for his bday). She would get defensive that we didn't support her relationship. He was the only man who would ever see it for the rest of her life, and any concerns we voiced was a mute point. So, she had it done.
> 
> I'm sure you can see where this is going, lol? Less than a year later she caught him in bed with another woman. He'd been "dating" her. She knew about my friend and didn't care. She wanted her man. She got him. Down the bottom of that rabbit hole, turned out he'd been cheating on her their entire relatioship with multiple women and was a serial cheater.
> 
> He's long gone. But that tattoo isn't. And it's been an issue for every man she's been in a relationship with since. She's single atm, and finally planning on getting it covered. My friend doesn't even have the excuse of being young and dumb when she did this. She was in her 30's ffs!


Yeah, they say it’s a curse to get your lover’s name tattooed on you. I’m not super into tattoos. I have a few simple small black line ones. My husband has a few as well. Here’s how I made my stupid mistake: About 3 months into our marriage we had spent practically the whole day in bed together one Saturday. There was no drinking but I felt just completely drunk in love with him. We decided to go for a ride on his motorcycle. He has 2 vintage motorcycles. I kept trying to give him a handjob when he was driving. I was just totally goo goo eyed. We stopped somewhere for a bite to eat and there was a tattoo parlor across the street. I was feeling very goofy at this point, as if I’d drank a whole bottle of liquor even though I’d hadn’t drank a drop. I suggested we go over there and see if they’d take us as walk-ins and get tattoos when we were done eating. He said “ok, sounds like a great idea to me too!” Sure enough there were no other customers there when we showed up. I went first and surprised him when I came out from behind a black curtain with his name in pretty little script scrawled on one of my butt cheeks. He got my name on his forearm. I didn’t tell anyone about it but it eventually revealed itself to friends at a pool party. So scandalous and so unlike me. Their reactions were priceless. I was in my 20s and normally not that stupid but what can I say? Despite what he’s done to me, I’m not quite ready to remove it or cover it up. I know I should but I’m just not quite ready.


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## Livvie

RebuildingMe said:


> She has no one to blame but herself. Yeah, if I saw that, there wouldn’t be another encounter with her for me.


I agree. Actually, if I saw that, there wouldn't even be a completed first encounter.


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## BeyondRepair007

“I don’t want to keep hurting you”

Which meant… “I’m not stopping sleeping with whoever I want but I want you to be ok with it.”

This thread is a hard read. I feel bad for all of you (us) who were treated so badly.


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## Blondilocks

NorthernGuard said:


> and any concerns we *voiced *was a *mute *point.


LOL Neat trick. Sign language?


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## marko polo

"You were never there for me." 

Would ring true if I had spoken these words to my cheating ex wife. I was off balance and fearful of losing the marriage when she spoke them to me.


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## DTO

My ex - variations on the same theme - said that putting in the work to overcome her issues was not worth the benefit (because I was a crappy guy - apparently). She'd also tell me that nobody else would want me, and that all I was really good for was providing financially.

Hell, even earlier this year, she threw a shot. Our kid was acting terribly and had been for some time. I told my ex to clear a space for her since it was about 50/50 I was going to take her house and car keys and pack her stuff up (I love my kid but she sometimes is a bad person - no way to sugarcoat it). My ex and I had a discussion and she came with "so you're going to spend time with someone who'll use you for what you can provide rather than your own kid" (still meaning that no one would actually want me for me).

I'm not bothered by it. She's clueless: alone and lonely and no clue (and/or desire) to be a good partner, whereas if I really prioritized having a partner it could be done no sweat. I also told her that she's a major part of the problem for not being a good role model for our kid (which is true). Apparently it hit home since she hung up on me - LOL!!


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## LATERILUS79

Now that I think about it, I didn't get any famous last words. None. 

Kids and ex wife left on the morning of August 1 for vacation. They woke me up early to give me a hug before they left with their mother to the airport. Got my divorce finalized on August 2nd and moved into my new place the same day. 

Pretty much like the last 6 weeks of our marriage. No words spoken to each other. 

Since I moved out while they were gone, tomorrow will be the last day I ever step foot into the old house. Just have a few things hanging up on the wall that I want to get. Small odds and ends..... and that will be it. Next time I go over there will be to pick up my kids for my first week to have them on my own on Saturday when they return. 

20 years together and not a word spoken for the last 6 weeks. Just like my ex liked doing things. Sweep it all under the rug and then go run and hide.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson

LATERILUS79 said:


> Now that I think about it, I didn't get any famous last words. None.
> 
> Kids and ex wife left on the morning of August 1 for vacation. They woke me up early to give me a hug before they left with their mother to the airport. Got my divorce finalized on August 2nd and moved into my new place the same day.
> 
> Pretty much like the last 6 weeks of our marriage. No words spoken to each other.
> 
> Since I moved out while they were gone, tomorrow will be the last day I ever step foot into the old house. Just have a few things hanging up on the wall that I want to get. Small odds and ends..... and that will be it. Next time I go over there will be to pick up my kids for my first week to have them on my own on Saturday when they return.
> 
> 20 years together and not a word spoken for the last 6 weeks. Just like my ex liked doing things. Sweep it all under the rug and then go run and hide.


Hang tough. Enjoy your life and new opportunities.


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## UpsideDownWorld11

Funny... When the ex cheated, got caight and then moved out by her own volition mind you, she tried to bill me for half her moving expenses and half her new appliances she bought. Haha. Hard pass.


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## Not

I got told I ruined his plans for his retirement. Never mind that we were both miserable in our loveless/sexless (celibate 8 years) sham of a marriage. All that mattered was his future fishing expeditions.


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## LisaDiane

LATERILUS79 said:


> Now that I think about it, I didn't get any famous last words. None.
> 
> Kids and ex wife left on the morning of August 1 for vacation. They woke me up early to give me a hug before they left with their mother to the airport. Got my divorce finalized on August 2nd and moved into my new place the same day.
> 
> Pretty much like the last 6 weeks of our marriage. No words spoken to each other.
> 
> Since I moved out while they were gone, tomorrow will be the last day I ever step foot into the old house. Just have a few things hanging up on the wall that I want to get. Small odds and ends..... and that will be it. Next time I go over there will be to pick up my kids for my first week to have them on my own on Saturday when they return.
> 
> 20 years together and not a word spoken for the last 6 weeks. Just like my ex liked doing things. Sweep it all under the rug and then go run and hide.


This is the BEST possible outcome for you with her. You have been spared the ugliness and hatefulness that cause people to hang onto their pain and bitterness sometimes for years. She has given you the ability to shut your feelings completely off to her and MOVE ON. 

Plus, you can see clearly how pathetic and wrong she is for you in every way...she might think she's doing it for herself, but it's the best thing she could ever do for you!


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## Slow Hand

This one left me dumbfounded and speechless, lol wut? 🤪
“....you lied to me, you said you would love me forever!”


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## MILProblems

What sticks with me and really served as a wake-up call as far as knowing I'd be better off without him was that for Christmas, the year I started standing up for myself and knowing my worth, he went to see his parents. I was persona non grata, and due to my job, if I wanted to visit my parents, I would've had to drive 6+ hours round trip in a day. Instead, I made plans to have Christmas with friends and visit my parents later. One of our dogs passed away four days before Christmas, and my mother knew I was struggling to muddle through. My sister and her husband were supposed to visit my parents for Christmas, but my BIL got sick, so my mother asked my sister not to visit. My mother then asked me if I would meet them at a halfway point for dinner on Christmas. I agreed, and as I was driving out, my mother let me know that only my father would be meeting me, because she wasn't feeling well. 

My father and I had a nice dinner, and as I was driving home, I talked to the ex. He asked, "Why did you meet your father instead of just canceling since your mother didn't go?" I replied, "Because they didn't want me to be alone on Christmas." When I said that, I realized that he didn't care if I was alone. He was annoyed I wasn't there to cater to him when he arrived home, but saw no problem with me sitting at home alone on a holiday.


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## Mr.Married

Famous Last Words: I Do


----------



## Evinrude58

UpsideDownWorld11 said:


> Funny... When the ex cheated, got caight and then moved out by her own volition mind you, *she tried to bill me for half her moving expenses and half her new appliances she bought*. Haha. Hard pass.


you could have been a little more magnanimous couldn’t you? I’m sure it was all your fault she cheated after all.😱🤯

I would have had to write her a check for $.02 and write on the memo blank “go fornicate with thyself” or “bless your heart”.

what an entitled brat you had! Thank her for leaving. She did you a huge favor.


----------

