# Why won't he treat me like a lady?



## Sarahd44

My bf (3 years, on and off) has always been nice to me in his own sort of way but the thing that bothers me is that he doesn't really even try to go that extra mile with me. When we go out he watches his wallet and it makes me feel like I'm not worth that much to him. It really bothers me. Sometimes I wonder if he even wants to be with me or if I'm just a hobby to him. The other night I asked him why he's so frugal and he said that it's not how much money you spend, it's the time and the company. Ok he has a point I suppose but still, I can't help feeling that he's not that into me. Am I being unreasonable? Another thing, he has an eye for the ladies. He doesn't do anything but he doesn't hide the fact that he checks out other girls. Yesterday he told me that it's nothing to worry about and to be honest I'm not worried that he's going to to go off with anyone but again it just seems selfish. He doesn't do it that often just now and then. Maybe I'm making a big deal out of all this but I can't ignore my feelings, which tell me that he's no good. I'm confused.


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## KnK

Thinking someone is not into you just because he watches what he spends is unreasonable to me. It's always the thought that counts not the price. If you don't want someone frugal then find someone else. He will more than likely not change and being cheap isn't something I feel is bad and would need to change.

As for the looking at ladies I would commend him on the fact he does not try to hide it. Sneaky , lying men are the ones you have to worry about!


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## Sarahd44

I don't know, I just get the feeling that I don't mean that much to him.


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## norajane

You're able-bodied and working, I presume? After 3 years, you really shouldn't have an expectation that your bf pay for everything. You should be splitting the costs or taking turns...then you can splurge when it's your turn and your wallet.

I can see the gentleman paying at first during the "courting" phase, and maybe splurging for special nights now and then. But 3 years later, it should be "whose turn is it to get the bill?" 

Also, he is right. It's not about how much he spends on you that shows he cares. That's a false belief on your part. Adding up money spent to "prove" love is an immature expectation.

Does he show love other ways? Does he do little things for you, does he kiss you and smile when you open the door, does he listen to you when you are stressed, does he talk to you about the things that are personal and he wouldn't open up to anyone else? Does he spend time with you and look forward to seeing you?

As for the checking out other women...there's a huge long thread about that here. Net-net: most guys look, but generally only glance if they are with their women, and break their necks ogling if they are assh*les.


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## KnK

Sarahd44 said:


> I don't know, I just get the feeling that I don't mean that much to him.


It may just be me but in this life and time I wish H was a little more frugal , in fact if he spends a lot of money , even on me I get a little upset. As long as my bills are paid and there is food in my belly I'm as happy as can be. All I need is love and time from him. Not gifts or fancy restaurants etc.


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## Prodigal

Sarahd44 said:


> I don't know, I just get the feeling that I don't mean that much to him.


Well, after dating the guy for three years, if you feel this way, then why don't you start dating someone else? Also, after this period of time, you should be able to come out and be upfront with him. Just tell him you don't feel he is that into you.

I don't know what you mean about him not spending much money on you. Are you dining at McD's, or are you going to one of the popular chains like Chili's or Applebees? 

I think more than having a problem with whether or not he is "into" you is you both lack communication skills. Lay it on the table and tell him point-blank what you're feeling and why you feel that way.

Actually, it doesn't sound like you're all that into him either.


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## donny64

Treating someone like a "lady" has not a thing to do with being frugal.

When you go out, does he open doors for you?

Let you order first?

Seat you?

Treat you respectfully?

And other than that, does he show you he cares in non-gift or monetary ways? Like listening to you. Showing affection? Going out and doing things with you? Spending time with you? Quality time? That can be cooking a dinner together instead of going out. That can be taking a walk together. Sitting out on the back porch together. 

After the initial courting period, and even during IMO, the woman should contribute nearly as much to the dinners and going out adventures as the man (assuming no great difference in salary). When the W and I were going out (after the first few dates where things really took off), we started splitting tabs about 75/25. Shortly after it went to about 60/40 (number of times out, not actually splitting a tab). I guess it remains about the same now, I really don't keep track. I can tell you I'm a bit more frugal now than then. We're trying to secure our future together, and doing that financially can be very difficult when you're spending like you're on a date all the time. 

I'm very wary of any woman who believes a man should pay all the time. That works for a few dates (but I prefer for them to offer to pay half, even if I won't let them). After that, it's time for the tabs to start getting split up a bit. They add up! It's not too hard to spend $150 to $200 on a decent dinner with drinks. Do that 4 times a month, and well, it adds up quick!


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## SimplyAmorous

Sarahd44 said:


> My bf (3 years, on and off) has always been nice to me in his own sort of way but the thing that bothers me is that he doesn't really even try to go that extra mile with me. When we go out he watches his wallet and it makes me feel like I'm not worth that much to him. It really bothers me. Sometimes I wonder if he even wants to be with me or if I'm just a hobby to him. The other night I asked him why he's so frugal and he said that it's not how much money you spend, it's the time and the company. Ok he has a point I suppose but still, I can't help feeling that he's not that into me. Am I being unreasonable?
> 
> 
> Another thing, he has an eye for the ladies. He doesn't do anything but he doesn't hide the fact that he checks out other girls. Yesterday he told me that it's nothing to worry about and to be honest I'm not worried that he's going to to go off with anyone but again it just seems selfish. He doesn't do it that often just now and then. Maybe I'm making a big deal out of all this but I can't ignore my feelings, which tell me that he's no good. I'm confused.


Sounds to me you are NOT compatible... for one.. some people are naturally frugal... Me & mine are like that.... it is so much MORE about spending time together, over eating at expensive restaurants or buying little gifts... I've never felt less loved by his not showering me with "things". I don't need special treatment like that ~ I guess it is all in what a person craves. 

It doesn't mean he isn't into you, but he likely has his future in mind... building for something... a priority on saving, it's a tough economy out there. The wise man saves. Some may call him "cheap"... but if you could look 20 yrs into the future.. it may tell another story. 

And guys do notice other women... There is "in passing" noticing.... then there is "in your face gawking" at other chicks....is he getting carried away or are you being a little over sensitive ? 

Even the best of men still LOOK.







My husband treats me like a Queen, would lay his life down for me, honors his every word, my biggest fan .... but he'll still notice a beautiful woman walking past, doesn't bother me at all ~ because I know where his







is. 

Good questions asked here >> 



> *donny64 said*: Does he treat you respectfully?
> 
> Does he show you he cares in non-gift or monetary ways? Like listening to you. Showing affection? Going out and doing things with you? Spending time with you? Quality time? That can be cooking a dinner together instead of going out. That can be taking a walk together. Sitting out on the back porch together.


Could be that HIS Love languages are different from Your Love Languages & you are missing each other....not filling each others love tanks -because you feel







in different ways . 

The 5 Love Languages are :







 Love Languages Personal Profile


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## EnjoliWoman

When you said "treat like a lady" I thought you meant he didn't open doors for you, walk on the street side of the sidewalk, let you choose where to sit first, or hold the umbrella over your head.

I've only been dating my boyfriend for 7 months and he has taken me out to a restaurant about 6 times. (Note I only dated every other weekend for several months before he met my daughter and he could come around more often.)

We eat in at both of our homes, watch movies and snuggle... I bought a groupon for a Brazilian restaurant and it's my treat when we go. He probably earns more than I do (we've never discussed his salary) and I have a child on top of that, but his gentlemanly kindness is expressed by gestures such as always refilling my glass when he gets up, always putting the seat down, spending time with me AND my daughter, keeping my favorite beverages at his house and making future plans.


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## Jane_Doe

I've been with a cheap guy and I know how bad it can be. When I wasn't earning, everything from getting a new toothbrush when mine had one bristle left, to complaints that I used 'too much' TP would become a huge issue. Its not about being materialistic, its about feeling like you're worth it. Sorry to say it but being in love costs more money than being single. And if you're not on the same page about your finances from the beginning then it'll only get worse.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## indiecat

When he notices other women it's ok to notice other men. My h used to point out girls or look at them, then I started saying things like 'wow that man over there has a good physique". That stopped him cold. They need to see how it feels for us to hear and see that sort of behavior. He didnt like it and I told him I did it to show him how it feels. He finally got it.


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## COguy

I couldn't agree with Prodigal more.

If that's really how you feel, why are you with him? Why put up with someone you don't feel respects you? Because you're afraid to be alone? Because you like the comfortability of it?

You're not married........stop settling.

That being said, if I take what you say at face value you sound incredibly shallow. Either you have good instincts and aren't listening to your gut, or you are a gold-digger. Either way though, if you aren't happy with your situation, do something about it.


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## costa200

Measuring he level of "into you" by the amount of cash he splashes around with you? That's nice... 



> He doesn't do anything but he doesn't hide the fact that he checks out other girls. Yesterday he told me that it's nothing to worry about and to be honest I'm not worried that he's going to to go off with anyone but again it just seems selfish.


Selfish... Now that's an interesting word...



> My bf (3 years, on and off) has always been nice to *me* in his own sort of way but the thing that bothers *me *is that he doesn't really even try to go that extra mile with *me*. When we go out he watches his wallet and it makes *me* feel like I'm not worth that much to him. It really bothers *me*. Sometimes I wonder if he even wants to be with *me* or if I'm just a hobby to him. The other night I asked him why he's so frugal and he said that it's not how much money you spend, it's the time and the company. Ok he has a point I suppose but still, I can't help feeling that he's not that into me. Am I being unreasonable? Another thing, he has an eye for the ladies. He doesn't do anything but he doesn't hide the fact that he checks out other girls. Yesterday he told *me* that it's nothing to worry about and to be honest I'm not worried that he's going to to go off with anyone but again it just seems selfish. He doesn't do it that often just now and then. Maybe I'm making a big deal out of all this but I can't ignore my feelings, which tell *me* that he's no good. I'm confused.


Yes, I wonder why a guy who has been accused of not splashing cash around like it grows on trees is checking other girls...

I case you are wondering what you did by pointing that out is basically an insult to a man. The equivalent to your gender would be something along the lines of "why don't you put an effort in order to look good when we go out?". I'm pretty sure you would not like to hear that.

Plenty of fish in the sea. Just go hunt for that billionaire and leave that guy to someone who will appreciate him for who he is.


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## DocHoliday

Hey, the 50/50 [email protected] sounds nice, but only if you earn the same wage, and have equal financial responsibilities.
I know women make 3/4 what men do..doing the same job..
AND single mothers who feel they have to pay half, and do split the bill....so they feel equal.
I am thinking about a friend with 2 kids, barely making ends meet, her "boyfriend" spends tons on himself...she pays half....to be equal.

Pththhhhbt.

Better yet, his favorite thing to do is have a home cooked meal...that she buys and prepares. I don't see how this is a date, I mean with her shopping,cooking and cleaning. I wonder if he even considers groceries a half and half.

But I digress. Whoever has more expendable income, male or female, should pay the lions share, if you are the higher wage one and don't like that idea, find a date who makes better green.


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## DocHoliday

I get how you feel, my H used to be cheap, but he has so many positives in other areas that I learned to deal with it.
He is not that way now....but he spends more, I spend less

Maybe we balanced out. Idk.


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## DocHoliday

costa200 said:


> Measuring he level of "into you" by the amount of cash he splashes around with you? That's nice...
> 
> 
> 
> Selfish... Now that's an interesting word...
> 
> 
> 
> Yes, I wonder why a guy who has been accused of not splashing cash around like it grows on trees is checking other girls...
> 
> I case you are wondering what you did by pointing that out is basically an insult to a man. The equivalent to your gender would be something along the lines of "why don't you put an effort in order to look good when we go out?". I'm pretty sure you would not like to hear that.
> 
> Plenty of fish in the sea. Just go hunt for that billionaire and leave that guy to someone who will appreciate him for who he is.


PS. She is allowed to have her feelings. She is allowed ( most MC s encourage) bringing feelings and concerns up. Complaints are healthy for a marriage. Trying to shame her for asking advice is not healthy...jmho.


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## Emerald

Sarahd44 said:


> My bf (3 years, on and off) has always been nice to me in his own sort of way but the thing that bothers me is that he doesn't really even try to go that extra mile with me. When we go out he watches his wallet and it makes me feel like I'm not worth that much to him. It really bothers me. Sometimes I wonder if he even wants to be with me or if I'm just a hobby to him. The other night I asked him why he's so frugal and he said that it's not how much money you spend, it's the time and the company. Ok he has a point I suppose but still, I can't help feeling that he's not that into me. Am I being unreasonable? Another thing, he has an eye for the ladies. He doesn't do anything but he doesn't hide the fact that he checks out other girls. Yesterday he told me that it's nothing to worry about and to be honest I'm not worried that he's going to to go off with anyone but again it just seems selfish. He doesn't do it that often just now and then. Maybe I'm making a big deal out of all this but I can't ignore my feelings, which tell me that he's no good. I'm confused.


Do you offer to pay when you go out?


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## chillymorn

I think frugal is sexy!

but if you get capyian frugal with miss spend thrift then it usually don't work out!

cut your losses. look for a rich man


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## Nro

I certainly don't view OP as a gold digger. I mean, it's been 3 years. If she was looking to strike it rich, she'd have her answer by now. Anyways, has he always been this way with you? Why after 3 years is it suddenly an issue? Bottom line: you don't FEEL like a priority. Regardless of the reason, that's a problem. Sounds like you're at the proverbial fork in the road; Just know that things don't magically change on their own.


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## MrsKy

Jane_Doe said:


> I've been with a cheap guy and I know how bad it can be. When I wasn't earning, everything from getting a new toothbrush when mine had one bristle left, to complaints that I used 'too much' TP would become a huge issue. Its not about being materialistic, its about feeling like you're worth it. Sorry to say it but being in love costs more money than being single. And if you're not on the same page about your finances from the beginning then it'll only get worse.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:iagree::iagree:

I have also been with cheap men. It felt like they didn't think I was worth it; these idiots complained about the gas money it cost to pick me up! :rofl: Another bought me a DRUGSTORE PAPERBACK BOOK for Christmas. Miserly people are often very stingy emotionally as well. 

Nothing is wrong with managing money well, but there is something strange about wanting to split every bill down the middle or refusing to treat a lover once in a while. 

A man in love does not quibble over every little penny. When I was dating my husband, he rarely let me pay. It was a nice change.


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## Bobby5000

You have not mentioned anything positive about your relationship so I am wondering if you are just in it for convenience. Where are either of you going since neither seem to have the commitment and passion for marriage.


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## COguy

MrsKy said:


> :iagree::iagree:
> 
> I have also been with cheap men. It felt like they didn't think I was worth it; these idiots complained about the gas money it cost to pick me up! :rofl: Another bought me a DRUGSTORE PAPERBACK BOOK for Christmas. Miserly people are often very stingy emotionally as well.
> 
> Nothing is wrong with managing money well, but there is something strange about wanting to split every bill down the middle or refusing to treat a lover once in a while.
> 
> A man in love does not quibble over every little penny. When I was dating my husband, he rarely let me pay. It was a nice change.


I think there's a clear difference between being cheap and having an equitable distribution for "regular" dates.


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## Finchley Argon

Sarahd44 said:


> My bf (3 years, on and off) has always been nice to me in his own sort of way but the thing that bothers me is that he doesn't really even try to go that extra mile with me. When we go out he watches his wallet and it makes me feel like I'm not worth that much to him. It really bothers me. Sometimes I wonder if he even wants to be with me or if I'm just a hobby to him. The other night I asked him why he's so frugal and he said that it's not how much money you spend, it's the time and the company. Ok he has a point I suppose but still, I can't help feeling that he's not that into me. Am I being unreasonable? Another thing, he has an eye for the ladies. He doesn't do anything but he doesn't hide the fact that he checks out other girls. Yesterday he told me that it's nothing to worry about and to be honest I'm not worried that he's going to to go off with anyone but again it just seems selfish. He doesn't do it that often just now and then. Maybe I'm making a big deal out of all this but I can't ignore my feelings, which tell me that he's no good. I'm confused.


What I don't get is why do you expect him to go "the extra mile"? I find it so annoying when women demand special treatment. You say that he watches his wallet and then in the same sentence you conclude that you feel you're not worth much to him. Are you for real? Is that how you measure your worth? You sound like hard work, and I can only just about imagine what 3 years of that must be like. If you're looking for an excuse to leave him and find someone who will indulge you then I'm all for it. It would better all round.


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## Chelle D

I'd say.. Trust your gut on this one.You think that "he's not that into" you. After 3 years, you'd know. Trust yourself.



Sarahd44 said:


> but I can't ignore my feelings, which tell me that he's no good.


He still checks out other women while right in front of you... After 3 years & he doesn't think it's being rude to you to do this in front of you??? Yep.... DON'T ignore your feelings.!


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## Finchley Argon

Chelle D said:


> I'd say.. Trust your gut on this one.You think that "he's not that into" you. After 3 years, you'd know. Trust yourself.
> 
> 
> 
> He still checks out other women while right in front of you... After 3 years & he doesn't think it's being rude to you to do this in front of you??? Yep.... DON'T ignore your feelings.!


It's not necessarily rude. It depends on how it's done. There's a nice way of doing it and there's an inconsiderate way of doing it, but so far we don't know which it is.


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## costa200

DocHoliday said:


> PS. She is allowed to have her feelings. She is allowed ( most MC s encourage) bringing feelings and concerns up. Complaints are healthy for a marriage. Trying to shame her for asking advice is not healthy...jmho.


She is allowed to feel whatever she wants. Everyone else is also allowed to think she is full of it. I'm not trying to shame anyone, she did it herself by equating a guy's investment in the relationship with money spent on dates. That's a ridiculous notion and i don't hesitate to point out such situations when i see it. Sorry if that is not considered "healthy" enough! But quite honestly i don't give a damn. If you can't take honesty you don't post stuff like this in an internet forum.

If you want a fake pat in the back and someone who to tell you you're the best thing since sliced bread you can pay someone to do it. There are actually people making a living out of it.


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## Finchley Argon

Agreed. I've noticed quite often that when a woman talks about a man but isn't specific about what he may or may not have done, and doesn't go into any detail (background, reasons), many women automatically jump to their defense. All a woman has to do is say something like "I don't feel like he loves me" and whine a bit, and straightaway she has a cheering team, even though there's no basis.


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## that_girl

He's a BF? 

Dump him and find someone who treats you how you want to be treated.

Staying with this guy will only get worse.


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## Finchley Argon

that_girl said:


> He's a BF?
> 
> Dump him and find someone who treats you how you want to be treated.
> 
> Staying with this guy will only get worse.


Dump him, why? From what she's said he hasn't done anything major. In fact he hasn't really done anything at all.


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## that_girl

She's not being treated how she wants to be treated. Why stick around? 

Why does it have to be major? That's the point of dating...find the one for you. If you're betching and complaining about someone you're dating, he's not the one.


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## that_girl

He doesn't seem invested, it seems like a relationship of convenience. He checks out other chicks to the point she's said something to him. Wow.

I don't settle in love. Maybe you do, but I don't recommend it. Find someone who floats your boat and nicely remove yourself from the people who don't.


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## Finchley Argon

I agree that if it's not working for her that she should leave. Actually, for his sake I hope she does, because the things that she's complaining about are minor, and even from the way she explains it all, she has a very whiny tone, and she's very vague too. I can't imagine her being content with anybody who doesn't constantly pamper her and tell her what she wants to hear.


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## that_girl

Not true. Sometimes, it just isn't a good fit but you stay because it's convenient or easy or just because "he/she's a nice guy/gal". Yuck.

Find someone who completely rocks your world and these petty things won't even matter.


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## TeaLeaves4

Finchley Argon said:


> The problem here is that she's very whiny. If you read her first post you can sense a whiny tone. It sounds like she doesn't even know what she wants or what she's thinking. My point being that she doesn't sound like someone whose world could ever be rocked by anybody who doesn't give her the adulation that she clearly desperately craves. She sounds immature and I doubt if she could ever appreciate anyone's good qualities for long, before whining again about something or other.


Actually I disagree. She doesn't sound whiny, you do.

While I don't think anyone should be materialistic or mercenary about a relationship, I'm
Not sure that's what she's saying. I think it's more that she feels he isn't willing to sacrifice anything for her, ever. That would give me pause too. I make more money than my husband (by a lot), but when we were dating and he occasionally took me to our favorite expensive restaurant, it meant a lot to me because I KNEW it was a financial sacrifice for him. And on those times, when it was his idea and he wanted to do it out of sheer love, I let him pay.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Cosmos

Being careful with money doesn't mean that he isn't into you, anymore than spending a fortune on you would me that he was. The latter could simply be an indication that he is a spendthrift who doesn't know how to handle his finances...

Both sexes look at members of the opposite sex and, unless he's ogling and being flirtatious with other women whilst in your company, I wouldn't worry about it.



Finchley Argon said:


> The problem here is that she's very whiny. If you read her first post you can sense a whiny tone. It sounds like she doesn't even know what she wants or what she's thinking. My point being that she doesn't sound like someone whose world could ever be rocked by anybody who doesn't give her the adulation that she clearly desperately craves. She sounds immature and I doubt if she could ever appreciate anyone's good qualities for long, before whining again about something or other.


The OP didn't come across as whiny to me in her OP. She has an issue and she's simply wanting some insight into it.


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## Juicer

Well, for your boyfriend not spending money on you:
Maybe he doesn't make as much as you think he does. 
Taking people out costs a lot of money. Especially if they like nice restaurants, and fine wine. 

And that is very expensive! It is very easy to burn through a week's extra spending money in one night. Maybe he feels like you lack a cetain level of commitment because have you ever picked up the tab? If you haven't, he may feel like you just see him as a walking ATM machine to pay for your meals and drinks. 

As for the looking at girls:
On dates, I would say that is a no-no. When you two are just walking or doing something that isn't specia, I would say you both probably look. It's nature. 
But if he has started doing it on your dates, I would bring it up. And make sure you do the same. If you don't want him checking out other girls, you better not be checking out some ripped guy across the restaurant. 

As for going the extra mile:
Have you been going the extra mile for him? Sounds like you feel neglected because he won't, so you don't. He feels negected because you don't, and it just turns in on itself. 

So maybe you should try making him feel special or do something special for him first, then see if he reciprocates. 

If he doesn't, then you'll know he won't do those things. 
If he does, then you know if you want something special in the future, you have to reciprocate. 

Love. It's give and take.


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## MrsKy

COguy said:


> I think there's a clear difference between being cheap and having an equitable distribution for "regular" dates.


Me too. I also think that whomever makes more money should pay more often, whether it is the man or the woman.


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## Sarahd44

I've been thinking long and hard about this situation. And I think I need to look at this in a completely new way. The truth is that I was brought up with very little discipline, and I always got my way. My dad used to pretty much give me anything I wanted and I think he spoiled me way too much. I remember at the time feeling guilty when I managed to persuade him to buy me something, but that was soon forgotten about, but now, lately, I've been thinking about it. I used to resent my dad sometimes for doing too much. 

And I think all of that is playing out with my bf. Yes I am whiny and I treat him like **** if I'm to be honest. He does do a lot for me, and he puts up with a lot. He has given up a few things simply because I've told him to (not even asked) and at times I resent him for putting up with me. I don't know what he sees in me any more. When he looks at other girls he talks about it with me and I know that he's just making conversation and involving me but for some reason I feel the need to have a go at him for it. And I've re read my OP and I'm embarrassed at how I sound. I've read some things here that at first annoyed me but I've resisted responding and now that I think about it I do need to change. I've temporarily broken up with my boyfriend in order to give him a break and I've arranged to see a counsellor.


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## that_girl

I don't think you have to spend ANY money to have a kickass date.

But it's the effort that she doesn't seem to be getting from him.

It's not someone I'd want to be with. I like to make my partner feel treasured and 'worth it'. If I didn't feel that way from him, I'd be butt hurt too.


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## Finchley Argon

Well we can see now, from her own words, that she indeed does have a problem.


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## that_girl

Well, then she needs to stop being a spoiled little girl and be a lady.

If you want to be treated like a lady, you have to act like one.

Simple.


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## that_girl

But I still think it's time to just cut the cord and for her to fix herself and then be ready for a relationship.


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## Finchley Argon

Indeed. The thing is, I could see what the real problem was right from the start, yet everyone (read : women) has been defending her by reflex action. What happened to women's intuition? Anyway, at least she has some level of introspection. That's something that certainly wasn't apparent from her initial post.


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## COguy

A+ for self-reflection. That takes some gonads, hope you find happiness.


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## mrstj4sho88

*Your bf is cheap and is living on a budget. He does take you out and show you off. Now if he was asking you for money ,you would have a point.I think your BF is treating you like a lady. You should know most people today are living on a budget. That is the only way to stay on top. Your bf is spending time with you. I would bet if a sexy hot guy walked by your eyes could be looking too. IMHO you are worring to much.*


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## Cosmos

It's good that you've discovered that the problem in fact lies with you, OP, and that you've decided to do something about it.

Even though I've always dated men who have insisted on paying for dates (I belong to an older generation), I've always believed in reciprocating. If I'm taken out for a meal, I will reciprocate with a home cooked meal or a special picnic. To me this is not only showing appreciation, but just good manners.


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## DocHoliday

I admire that you are working on with an IC.

Curious, why did you "take a break" from your bf?

Anyway, I wish you well.


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## that_girl

Finchley Argon said:


> Indeed. The thing is, I could see what the real problem was right from the start, yet everyone (read : women) has been defending her by reflex action. What happened to women's intuition? Anyway, at least she has some level of introspection. That's something that certainly wasn't apparent from her initial post.


What are you talking about "Woman's intuition"? This is the internet. No one was defending her. We just said if she feels this way, to find someone else. 

We dont' know these people so we just go by what they say. If someone is betching and complaining about someone that much, they shouldn't be with them.


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## that_girl

Should have asked the OP how much he spends. A good date for me costs about 20 bucks. LOL! I'm not a high roller.


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## SimplyAmorous

Sarahd44 said:


> I've been thinking long and hard about this situation. And I think I need to look at this in a completely new way. The truth is that I was brought up with very little discipline, and I always got my way. My dad used to pretty much give me anything I wanted and I think he spoiled me way too much. I remember at the time feeling guilty when I managed to persuade him to buy me something, but that was soon forgotten about, but now, lately, I've been thinking about it. I used to resent my dad sometimes for doing too much.
> 
> And I think all of that is playing out with my bf. Yes I am whiny and I treat him like **** if I'm to be honest. He does do a lot for me, and he puts up with a lot. He has given up a few things simply because I've told him to (not even asked) and at times I resent him for putting up with me. I don't know what he sees in me any more. When he looks at other girls he talks about it with me and I know that he's just making conversation and involving me but for some reason I feel the need to have a go at him for it. And I've re read my OP and I'm embarrassed at how I sound. I've read some things here that at first annoyed me but I've resisted responding and now that I think about it I do need to change. I've temporarily broken up with my boyfriend in order to give him a break and I've arranged to see a counsellor.


I just want to say... I for one, love your humility in this post... ...stepping back, looking at the whole picture... and recognizing your own hand in what is happening here. 

How we have been raised can play a part in how we look at $$ too ...sounds like Dad took very precious care of his little girl with some spoiling, always giving into your wants. .... I had the opposite experience growing up.... sometimes I didn't even get lunch $$ for school, after a while, I learned to save every dime so when I wanted something, I could fend for myself. 

What has your boyfriend given up for you...that you demanded ....if you don't mind sharing? It sounds like he is smitten with you, and you have been taking him for granted.... him allowing it. Although this is NICE, it can be TOO NICE....and women start to feel...what you expressed here >> " and at times I resent him for putting up with me. I don't know what he sees in me any more."

My husband treated me better than I likley deserved in the beginning too... I married a gem. Be careful what you wish for....the next guy might be an A-hole... Not many men will put up with over bearing women... the Nicer men may, but be careful not to take them for granted... Good men just don't deserve this..... I did this to my husband for a time. I regret that. Now I recognize what's always been right in front of me. 

Besides working on yourself , seeing this counselor...taking a breath & figuring out what you really want & need in a relationship ... Ask yourself some questions... are you physically attracted to him?

Do you have similar morals/ beliefs? .....similar goals /dreams ?

Finding a partner who is compatible with who you are...where you are going...their presence in our life helping you be a better YOU.... is one of the greatest blessings you can find in love... Check out my thread below ~


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