# Best Explanation of the Success of "Fifty Shades of Grey"



## carmen ohio (Sep 24, 2012)

If you're a SAHD or otherwise financially dependent on your wife or female significant other, you should ponder the implications of this insightful explanation of why women all over the world find _"Fifty Shades of Grey"_ so compelling.

The Secret Fomula Behind The Success of 50 Shades of Grey

Evolution is destiny and the genetically determined sexual proclivities of the female members of the species trump feminism, sexual liberation, modernity and other all sociological, psychological and political constructs.

Despite what we men would like to believe, the truth is that women are more important because they are the repository of the future of _**** sapiens sapiens_. After the deed is done, they only need us to the extent that we protect and provide for them and their children. So, if you're not pulling your weight in this regard, your asking for relationship problems.

Does this mean that relationships in which the woman is the primary bread winner can't work? Of course not, but it does mean that men in such relationships need to work extra hard at maintaining their sexual attractiveness.

Want to know what women really want? Read/watch their porn.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

It's success it do to could PR and advertising.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> It's success it do to could PR and advertising.


Not in the UK. It was word of mouth in the main.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## optimalprimus (Feb 4, 2015)

certainly the book became popular through word of mouth/media discussion. The film has been heavily pushed however, mainly because the female readership do not tend to be big cinema consumers.


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## azteca1986 (Mar 17, 2013)

MattMatt said:


> Not in the UK. It was *word of mouth* in the main.


Best form of advertising


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## knightRider (Dec 31, 2014)

Also consider the term "alpha f*cks, beta bucks". 

Men be careful!


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## Joe Cool (Feb 24, 2015)

Movie appealed to four groups in the following order

1. initial pathetic, don't get out much, super unfortunate dummies that have a lousy life and low intellect
2. low threshold curiosity crowd that wants to know what all the super dummies are raving about this time
3. news reporters and media types that identified moron, ground swell actvities
4. curious consumers of media hype that study lower life forms with fascination and glee

Intelligent folk thought the books were poorly written and very disappointing and thought the movie was laugh out loud ridiculous


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## Forest (Mar 29, 2014)

I think the success is due to Dakota Johnson's haircut.

That, and people like dirty movies.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

So, the take-away point is: Dominance + Provision = Female porn

where Dominance = strong, confident, alpha, dominant male

Nothing new or surprising here, but apparently the obvious is controversial to some.

Edit: the only "new" twist is the BDSM theme, which makes this novel novel.


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## Daniel. (Jan 14, 2015)

If the guy wasn't a billionaire this'd be a regular Law&Order episode, didn't the female character ask him to stop yet he continued ? Gross
My wife read the first book and stopped in the middle, lent it to her friend and has never asked it back


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## Hardtohandle (Jan 10, 2013)

Part of me does believe that books like this do induce women to cheat.. Though I think it's not the sole reason. 

But it just might be the catalyst that was needed to start it. 

I do believe in the whole hunter/gather mentality as well. 

I think when your spouse see's that other people are interested in you or can be interested in you it keeps them on their toes.. Basically if I cheat I know he or she will clearly have the ability and opportunity to do the same.. 

When you are a fat slug like I was 2 years ago. Your spouse isn't too worried that someone is gonna give you the time of day.. And that is the truth.. 

I lost 85 LBS and today I definitely get more attention than I ever did.. To top it off I honestly like it.. 

I also believe that people ( like my wife ) are just not that intelligent.. They really do not see the BIG picture.. They see something, but it just isn't enough.. They are very short sighted, but to them that is the BIG picture.. 

Personally I think of where I am going to be today, tomorrow, next week, next month, next year and the following years after that.. Then I change my plans as life changes.. 

So with that being said they are depressed, they don't know how to handle it and then something like this gets their juices flowing. Add in that maybe someone or some people give them the time of day and they start comparing you to these other people.. AKA grass is greener syndrome.


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## Joe Cool (Feb 24, 2015)

Hardtohandle said:


> I think when your spouse see's that other people are interested in you or can be interested in you it keeps them on their toes.. Basically if I cheat I know he or she will clearly have the ability and opportunity to do the same..
> 
> When you are a fat slug like I was 2 years ago. Your spouse isn't too worried that someone is gonna give you the time of day.. And that is the truth..
> 
> ...


And boingo was his namo :rofl:

especially the people (in the lower echelons of the masses) aren't too bright part


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## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

why is this on CWI ?

It seems to have the makings of a 100 page thread where everyone challenges some form of gender battle.

BTW, I disagree with the sentiment that women are more important (and disagree with any who would say they are less important) and if I went and called half of the women I know repositories, I would get my arse kicked.

Finally, it sounds as though you are inferring that women are higher maintenance because men have to work that much harder to keep them interested in them sexually. The last time I checked, infidelity is a two way street and the work to keep someone interested should go both ways. That's why marriages are always a work in progress. Not all guys cheat and not all women grow old and ugly over time. Temptations go both ways. So does the strength to remain loyal and not cheat.

Read/watch their porn ??? I have seen countless threads here where guys get slapped down for trying to be sexually adventurous with their spouse and then get a chorus of SOME women posters here laying the wood to them for not respecting her sexuality or trying to get her to do things she doesn't want. Therefore I don't agree with that line. In fact, it shows that each have to 'watch' each other's porn and be open to doing many of the things,within some limits, to keep the other happy.

BTW, the reviews of the movie sucked, the book was bad and this movie only proved that the general population (most who can't even name our vice president) have a low intelligence or maturity factor.


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## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

and Carmen, I am not calling you out per se as I don't know if what you wrote came from the link or your beliefs. 

I would be concerned if my wife was into that movie or book. I have no such worries. All is good on my front


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

wmn1 said:


> why is this on CWI ?
> 
> It seems to have the makings of a 100 page thread where everyone challenges some form of gender battle.
> 
> ...



Well this about sums up the truth. Good post


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

Women like erotica just as much as men do.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

EleGirl said:


> It's success it do to could PR and advertising.


It contains sex. Sex sells. a formula that has worked for centuries.


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## G.J. (Nov 4, 2014)

My wife's just started to read book 2

She asked me if I wrote out his contract


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## loyallad (Aug 1, 2014)

My W and her friends were more excited about the Sex in the City movie than the 50 Shades movie. Go figure. Maybe her and her friends prefer the glam life of Carrie et al than some girl that allows herself to be objectified and dominated.


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## Graywolf2 (Nov 10, 2013)

carmen ohio said:


> Evolution is destiny and the genetically determined sexual proclivities of the female members of the species trump feminism, sexual liberation, modernity and other all sociological, psychological and political constructs.
> 
> Despite what we men would like to believe, the truth is that women are more important because they are the repository of the future of _**** sapiens sapiens_. After the deed is done, they only need us to the extent that we protect and provide for them and their children. So, if you're not pulling your weight in this regard, your asking for relationship problems.
> 
> Does this mean that relationships in which the woman is the primary bread winner can't work? Of course not, but it does mean that men in such relationships need to work extra hard at maintaining their sexual attractiveness.


While I don’t know about why the book and movie are so popular I do agree with the above. My daughter is a surgery resident and her attending (boss) is also a female surgeon. 

The boss’s husband stays home with their kids because that’s the obvious choice. The surgeon isn’t home much and her time is more valuable (in terms of money).

She confided in my daughter that her situation effects how she feels about her husband. He just doesn’t turn her on. She loves him but like a brother.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Hardtohandle said:


> Part of me does believe that books like this do induce women to cheat..


Does porn induce men to cheat?


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

I find 50 Shades of Grey revolting on several levels. 

First of all women complain about men watching porn, but when they do it it's perfectly ok. The public acceptance of this movie only shows in terrific detail how socially acceptable it is for women to watch porn. If they came out with a porn movie for men, would it have the same social acceptance? Of course not, first of all in wouldn't even be allowed at your local cinema. 

Secondly, it's ok for women to watch this read about it and discuss it but if men do it, it only makes them a pervert.

The degree of of the double standard this movie brings out is astounding


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## Grayson (Oct 28, 2010)

I just figured that it shows that sexually explicit fanfic based on what is ostensibly a "young adult" series of fantasy books depicting an abusive relationship as "romantic," rewritten by the middle-aged author to avoid copyright prosecution when selling the book for money appeals to a lowest common denominator.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## IIJokerII (Apr 7, 2014)

Graywolf2 said:


> While I don’t know about why the book and movie are so popular I do agree with the above. My daughter is a surgery resident and her attending (boss) is also a female surgeon.
> 
> The boss’s husband stays home with their kids because that’s the obvious choice. The surgeon isn’t home much and her time is more valuable (in terms of money).
> 
> She confided in my daughter that her situation effects how she feels about her husband. He just doesn’t turn her on. She loves him but like a brother.


 The other end of this spectrum is a woman who wanted to stay home and be a housewife who in time finds it resentful that she sacrificed her career so her husband to go to work and provide. All it takes is someone to plant the seed of resentment, if none exist already, and she is off to the races. 

People cheat due to bad character, and maybe in even biological need to "Move on" for DNA dilution.


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## Hardtohandle (Jan 10, 2013)

wmn1 said:


> and Carmen, I am not calling you out per se as I don't know if what you wrote came from the link or your beliefs.
> 
> I would be concerned if my wife was into that movie or book. I have no such worries. All is good on my front


My Ex wife enjoyed the book and read it 2 times I believe.. 

I had zero clue what it was about, until much later on..


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Secret is out. Women want to be abused/raped by sicko billionaires. Right?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Probably just plays into a lot of dark fantasies. No one usually wants to be raped, coerced, brutalized or dominated /forced when it comes to real life but many enjoy fantasizing about it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## IIJokerII (Apr 7, 2014)

ConanHub said:


> Probably just plays into a lot of dark fantasies. No one usually wants to be raped, coerced, brutalized or dominated /forced when it comes to real life but many enjoy fantasizing about it.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


 I am not included in this many. Moving on.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

IIJokerII said:


> I am not included in this many. Moving on.


Me either but there are actually many women who do.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

I take that back. I have extremely dark fantasies. Maybe I need help.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## yeah_right (Oct 23, 2013)

I read the books because a co-worker said they were the greatest thing since sliced bread. By the end of book 2 I was skimming the sex scenes because they were all the same. Just wanted to find out what happens to those two at the end.

Haven't seen the movie yet. Plan to do it when it comes online so H and I can make fun of it on the couch.

I enjoy trashy romances, always have. I used to steal them from my grandma and the ones from the 1970's were filled with rape, abuse, way older men and 17 year old girls, etc. These are the standard historical romances...not the erotica stuff. While I enjoy a sense of romance in these books, it's only fantasy. If Christian Grey tracked me down and showed up at my job after briefly meeting me, no way I'd be meeting him alone. That's stalker behavior. If a guy comes in crying and angsty like that, I'm getting a restraining order.

If my H wants to try new stuff in the bedroom...cool. But some random guy (even rich) shows up with rope and duct tape and sex contracts...ain't nothing sexy about that!


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## Mr.Fisty (Nov 4, 2014)

It is idealistic and unrealistic. Plus there is sex. You also have to ignore the fact that the character profiles make no sense. But then again, I am trained to evaluate human behavior.

People also like to escape into a different world. And some books are so terrible that it is funny. Here is a fun activity for couples, have one couple read out the male lines, and have the other couple read the female lines. Then switch roles for each chapter, it can be a bonding experience.


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## CincyBluesFan (Feb 27, 2015)

My wife's explanation is better. She summed up the success of the book/movie with "it doesn't overestimate the intelligence level of its target audience."


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

My impression of the book is that, although poorly written, it taps into a "surrender" fantasy of women. And, of course, taps into an elaborate method for a rich guy to get permission to have an*l sex with a young girl.

Lots of tying up and squealing.

I guess the movie does likewise?


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

michzz said:


> My impression of the book is that, although poorly written, it taps into a "surrender" fantasy of women. And, of course, taps into an elaborate method for a rich guy to get permission to have an*l sex with a young girl.
> 
> Lots of tying up and squealing.
> 
> I guess the movie does likewise?


So the moral is...a billion dollars can buy a lot of ass?


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## Buddy400 (Aug 30, 2014)

CincyBluesFan said:


> My wife's explanation is better. She summed up the success of the book/movie with "it doesn't overestimate the intelligence level of its target audience."


But that's the thing. Everybody who wants to refuse to believe that there's something real about this says "it's because people are dumb, like badly written books, etc., etc." But there are a lot of badly written books written for people with low intelligence that don't succeed like "50 shades" has. There must be something else to it.

It's the "surrender" fantasy many women have. We've been told for a long time that women are exactly men's equals, have the same sexual desires for the same reasons, want to be equal, not submissive and that it's not politically correct to think anything else. Then "50 shades" comes along and indicates that this may not necessarily be so in many cases. THAT is what is accounts for the book's (and movie's) popularity. 

But, no one can say that, so they have to figure out other things to say in order to avoid talking about the elephant in the room.


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## skype (Sep 25, 2013)

I agree, Buddy. It also illustrates the fantasy that the woman, through her pure love and submission, can heal a man from childhood abuse. Of course the real draw is his billions. At 29, really?


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## loveisforever (Jun 21, 2012)

ConanHub said:


> Secret is out. Women want to be abused/raped by sicko billionaires. Right?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


from the movie, what really made the girl to go a long distance to sexually please him is the money and the life style. At the end, she figured out this was illusive (failed to turn it to be a romantic relationship to tie the billionaire down), and did not worth the pain of 6 spanks =). The Billionaire is actually a mentally impaired victim of a child abuser. How could such a sex-pervert make billions without inheritance is actually ... a fiction.


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## Grayson (Oct 28, 2010)

loveisforever said:


> from the movie, what really made the girl to go a long distance to sexually please him is the money and the life style. At the end, she figured out this was illusive (failed to turn it to be a romantic relationship to tie the billionaire down), and did not worth the pain of 6 spanks =). The Billionaire is actually a mentally impaired victim of a child abuser. How could such a sex-pervert make billions without inheritance is actually ... a fiction.


A fiction...or a plot hole not plugged after rewriting the character from a centuries-old abusive sparkly vampire stalker into an abusive human billionaire.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

I haven't read the books nor watched the movie, but from a distance I felt it just looked like a hyped up remake of the movie Secretary with James Spader.


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## IIJokerII (Apr 7, 2014)

I honestly do not know what the big deal is. I remember watching some real messed up foreign, especially french, films that would make this tame by comparison.....and this was in the eraly 90's...Thanks late night pay channels, this one is for you Cinamax!!


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Can I just point out that E L James, the author of 50 Shades of Grey, is really quite hot?


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

carmen ohio said:


> If you're a SAHD or otherwise financially dependent on your wife or female significant other


I don't under stand the 1st part of this sentence?


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> Does porn induce men to cheat?


No. Were mostly pigs. Some just know how to keep it zipped.

The only reason for any man to see the movie is i hear there are lots of boobies. Boobies are good! 

50 ShadeS was a catalyst, not a cause in a number of affairs here. AM cheatersite recommends the book for a reason.


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## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

Graywolf2 said:


> While I don’t know about why the book and movie are so popular I do agree with the above. My daughter is a surgery resident and her attending (boss) is also a female surgeon.
> 
> The boss’s husband stays home with their kids because that’s the obvious choice. The surgeon isn’t home much and her time is more valuable (in terms of money).
> 
> She confided in my daughter that her situation effects how she feels about her husband. He just doesn’t turn her on. She loves him but like a brother.


maybe the problem is with her ????

Maybe she has a complex. 

Every SAHM is not the breadwinner and we don't undervalue them so for this lady to undermine her husband because of the fact that he is a SAHD speaks volumes about her IMO

Keeping in mind I don't know these two. I feel badly for the guy though if they do break up, show him the alimony


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## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

Hardtohandle said:


> My Ex wife enjoyed the book and read it 2 times I believe..
> 
> I had zero clue what it was about, until much later on..


I read your story a while back. Tragic. We live, learn and hopefully get to a place where we are better off. It sounds like you are.

This book is a seed planter and revolting but I can only control it locally.


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## yeah_right (Oct 23, 2013)

Blossom Leigh said:


> I haven't read the books nor watched the movie, but from a distance I felt it just looked like a hyped up remake of the movie Secretary with James Spader.


Secretary is so much better. More intelligence and wit.

50 Shades is based off a Twilight fan fiction.


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## yeah_right (Oct 23, 2013)

weightlifter said:


> No. Were mostly pigs. Some just know how to keep it zipped.
> 
> The only reason for any man to see the movie is i hear there are lots of boobies. Boobies are good!
> 
> 50 ShadeS was a catalyst, not a cause in a number of affairs here. AM cheatersite recommends the book for a reason.


I bet another reason is men think by taking their lady to see the movie, they will get to touch boobies later in the evening. A man can tolerate a Lifetime movie marathon for that, I bet.


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## FormerSelf (Apr 21, 2013)

Although there may be an element of biology driven fantasy of having a male dominant and provider, I also think there is the experience intense chemical explosion that only a dysfunctional relationship can bring...such as a identity-less codependent girl pining for a sex addict. The fantasy being that he will actually learn to attach to her and can be fixed by her love and submission.

To me, this is E. L. James working out her issues of self-worth out on paper. I also take note that E. L. James also sports the same bangs hairstyle as the film's main character. Not judging, just trying to see it for what it is.

But I suppose hypergamy (desire to "trade up") is a strong fantasy trigger with women. Heck, almost all of those Hallmark films feature some damaged, widowed women (NEVER alone because she cheated) finding an equally damaged but business savvy guy, or firefighter, or chef...who shows them how to live again. In my mind, this appeals to women who powerlessly wish their husband was DEAD. 

Just think about it and laugh with me, okay? I admit, I may be biased right now.


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## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

yeah_right said:


> Secretary is so much better. More intelligence and wit.
> 
> 50 Shades is based off a Twilight fan fiction.


Um.... Yea... I'm a huge James Spader fan..


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## RClawson (Sep 19, 2011)

The worst years of my marriage were when my wife's professional success was skyrocketing and I had lost my business and earning power. I would find out later she was reading the 50 shades books, and erotica like it, at the same time.

It took me a great deal of time to understand the disdain she had for me. Much of my earning power is back and she seems happy as a clam. Our relationship will never be stronger for it nor will I ever see her as positively as I used to. Something was definitely lost. 

I don't blame the book but I do blame her for not having more character, compassion and respect for the covenants we made together.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

RClawson said:


> The worst years of my marriage were when my wife's professional success was skyrocketing and I had lost my business and earning power. I would find out later she was reading the 50 shades books, and erotica like it, at the same time.
> 
> It took me a great deal of time to understand the disdain she had for me. Much of my earning power is back and she seems happy as a clam. Our relationship will never be stronger for it nor will I ever see her as positively as I used to. Something was definitely lost.
> 
> I don't blame the book but I do blame her for not having more character, compassion and respect for the covenants we made together.


I hope you make her painfully aware of this and express it as eloquently to her as you have done here. How can she be so happy if she knows that she lowered herself to a scum like level in your view?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

RClawson said:


> The worst years of my marriage were when my wife's professional success was skyrocketing and I had lost my business and earning power. I would find out later she was reading the 50 shades books, and erotica like it, at the same time.
> 
> It took me a great deal of time to understand the disdain she had for me. Much of my earning power is back and she seems happy as a clam. Our relationship will never be stronger for it nor will I ever see her as positively as I used to. Something was definitely lost.
> 
> I don't blame the book but I do blame her for not having more character, compassion and respect for the covenants we made together.


that's a sad story, Rclawson. It svcks you had to go through that. 

I always look at some things this way;

1) When we get married, it's for better or worse which to me includes healthwise and financially. It also means physically for me too as long as that doesn't incorporate tolerating cheating which I will never do.

2) It's one thing to have someone usually be the breadwinner. The mark of a person's character is when there are a couple of years where they (the non bread winner) does better. The attitude should be 'the more the better' or 'it's the least I could do since it's usually you bearing the brunt of things'. I am sorry this didn't happen with you in your life. It should have

I don't blame you for your feelings. Sounds like you've always been there and it stinks when someone checks out when things are tough but all joyous when things are good. 

To me, when someone is all into erotica, it's a red flag but that's just me


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## IIJokerII (Apr 7, 2014)

wmn1 said:


> that's a sad story, Rclawson. It svcks you had to go through that.
> 
> I always look at some things this way;
> 
> ...


 Being into erotica is fine, nothing wrong with it at all. But if neither spouse ever showed interest before and then suddenly does then a problem may exist. But in all fairness now, I think the success of this book series and movie indicate one thing; Valentines Day can now be retired!! Apparently men have been doing it wrong all along.


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## Buddy400 (Aug 30, 2014)

RClawson said:


> The worst years of my marriage were when my wife's professional success was skyrocketing and I had lost my business and earning power. I would find out later she was reading the 50 shades books, and erotica like it, at the same time.


The problem is that women seem to be hard-wired to desire and want men that are more successful than they are. For all the talk about how, in situations where the wife out-earns the husband, that the problem is men not being able to handle it, I think it's really the women that have a bigger problem with it. 

I don't really blame women, you can't help what you're wired to desire. However, I would like to see some ownership that it's actually them more then the men that need to adapt.


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## Mr Blunt (Jul 18, 2012)

> Originally Posted by RClawson
> The worst years of my marriage were when my wife's professional success was skyrocketing and I had lost my business and earning power. I would find out later she was reading the 50 shades books, and erotica like it, at the same time.
> *It took me a great deal of time to understand the disdain she had for me*.


So your wife had distain for you when you were down and out in the money department!

I hope that your wife has realized her negative character for building a loving relationship and has shown you that she is now changed. If she has not changed then I would suggest that you do everything from here on that will benefit you; in other words you look out only for you! If you lose your income again, and she has not changed, then she will despise you and see you as a second class person again. That does nothing but serious harm your security and your love for her.

A prositute will please you and be interested in you as long as you got the money but the minute you have no money is the minute she goes looking for another man. I am not calling your wife a prostitute but a prostitute and your wife both value men for their money more than anything else. The difference is that the prostitute will leave you and go looking for another man to barter for sex and your wife has distain for you.

*If a spouse will not stand by you when you are down and out on your luck, and instead of helping you the spouse has distain for you, then that spouse should be replaced IMO*

If a woman wants me for my money and despises me when I do not have money then I will treat that woman like a prostitute and give her money for sex if she has a hot body. If I am a man with lots of money I can get lots of hot women and can get a variety of great sexy women every week!


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## Mr Blunt (Jul 18, 2012)

> Women’s two sexual imperatives are:
> •	Seek strong, confident, alpha, dominant male
> •	Seek provision (financial security) for self and any children that may follow
> Getting both needs met in the same guy however IS porn for women.
> ...


*If ALL a woman wants is a male with Dominance + Provision and all she offers is sex then why would a man love and cherish that woman?* With his money he can get all kinds of women! If a relationship is built upon only selfishness and me.me…me, then you have a formula for cheating, divorce, and great emotional pain.

Of course the producers of the movie 50 Shades of Grey do not care about what makes for a good relationship. What they do care about is manipulating men and women’s sexual fantasies for MONEY! This movie, like so many others, will be very popular and make a lot of money just like Jerry Springer did.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

RClawson said:


> The worst years of my marriage were when my wife's professional success was skyrocketing and I had lost my business and earning power. I would find out later she was reading the 50 shades books, and erotica like it, at the same time.
> 
> It took me a great deal of time to understand the disdain she had for me. Much of my earning power is back and she seems happy as a clam. Our relationship will never be stronger for it nor will I ever see her as positively as I used to. Something was definitely lost.
> 
> I don't blame the book but I do blame her for not having more character, compassion and respect for the covenants we made together.


When I changed careers she was just starting her real career with a private practice. I had put her through 8 years of grad school and internship while she had no income. I was a high earning engineer. Then, as we had agreed before the wedding, it was my turn. For a few years I made less than $10k while she was making what I had been earning.

We were in a nice rental house in a perfect location, but she wanted to buy not rent. While I was not opposed to the idea, she picked a terrible fixer-upper which I said I did not want to get involved in.

She said right to my face that she was earning the money and supporting the family (we had kids). She was going to be buying the house. I could choose not to move with the family, _but how did I think I was going to support myself on my low income_?

That was the worst moment of the entire marriage, and I failed to deal with it effectively.


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## RClawson (Sep 19, 2011)

Thor said:


> When I changed careers she was just starting her real career with a private practice. I had put her through 8 years of grad school and internship while she had no income. I was a high earning engineer. Then, as we had agreed before the wedding, it was my turn. For a few years I made less than $10k while she was making what I had been earning.
> 
> We were in a nice rental house in a perfect location, but she wanted to buy not rent. While I was not opposed to the idea, she picked a terrible fixer-upper which I said I did not want to get involved in.
> 
> ...


Oh yes I have lived this moment. I was absolutely stunned the first time she did this to me but not quite as much the second or third time. Somewhere around the fourth time I let her know if she ever brought that up again she would be contributing to my alimony. She has never brought it up again.


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## RClawson (Sep 19, 2011)

ConanHub said:


> I hope you make her painfully aware of this and express it as eloquently to her as you have done here. How can she be so happy if she knows that she lowered herself to a scum like level in your view?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Classic Cake Eater I believe.


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## IIJokerII (Apr 7, 2014)

TheOMThatWivesWant said:


> ...in marriages where the wife has a husband who can't / won't step up and be the sexually-dominating man she needs.


 1) Your name really sucks.....

2) It is hard for most men to be that dominant Alpha blah blah when all they heard for the most part was "I'm too tired" " " I have to much self respect to do those things" or other dissuasive comment. After a while the husband just admits to himself that marital missionary is not only the norm, but the standard. 

I mean really, ask any, if not most, guys here and they will be more than willing to do all those things in the book and then some. If it leads to an orgasm any guy is up for it.


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## RClawson (Sep 19, 2011)

TheOMThatWivesWant said:


> ...in marriages where the wife has a husband who can't / won't step up and be the sexually-dominating man she needs.


Ever think of just changing your screen name to d-bag?


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## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

Thor said:


> When I changed careers she was just starting her real career with a private practice. I had put her through 8 years of grad school and internship while she had no income. I was a high earning engineer. Then, as we had agreed before the wedding, it was my turn. For a few years I made less than $10k while she was making what I had been earning.
> 
> We were in a nice rental house in a perfect location, but she wanted to buy not rent. While I was not opposed to the idea, she picked a terrible fixer-upper which I said I did not want to get involved in.
> 
> ...


Ouch. I hope you have dealt with it since then


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

wmn1 said:


> Ouch. I hope you have dealt with it since then


I am doing much better. She hasn't hit me with anything of that magnitude since then, but I was too stupid to deal with it at the time.

My prime directive was to avoid divorce at all costs because of the 2 young daughters. I didn't want some other man raising them, partly out of wanting to be there with them and partly out of knowing step-father sexual abuse is common. Little did I know my wife would never have brought another man into the house with daughters there, due to her own sexual abuse (which I didn't know about).

I gave away all my power to effect changes in the marriage by adopting such a Prime Directive.


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## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

Thor said:


> I am doing much better. She hasn't hit me with anything of that magnitude since then, but I was too stupid to deal with it at the time.
> 
> My prime directive was to avoid divorce at all costs because of the 2 young daughters. I didn't want some other man raising them, partly out of wanting to be there with them and partly out of knowing step-father sexual abuse is common. Little did I know my wife would never have brought another man into the house with daughters there, due to her own sexual abuse (which I didn't know about).
> 
> I gave away all my power to effect changes in the marriage by adopting such a Prime Directive.


Yea, but, you protected your daughters. Period.


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## LonelyinLove (Jul 11, 2013)

CincyBluesFan said:


> My wife's explanation is better. She summed up the success of the book/movie with "it doesn't overestimate the intelligence level of its target audience."


I m so stealing that line!

:iagree:


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## bfree (Sep 30, 2012)

yeah_right said:


> I bet another reason is men think by taking their lady to see the movie, they will get to touch boobies later in the evening. A man can tolerate a Lifetime movie marathon for that, I bet.


I'd rather skip the movie and head straight for the boobies. Pretty sure my wife would as well.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

For the same reason people win Grammys and Oscars. People are stupid and boring and like be lead around like cattle because thinking and having an imagination is too hard.


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## bfree (Sep 30, 2012)

runs like dog said:


> for the same reason people win grammys and oscars. People are stupid and boring and like be lead around like cattle because thinking and having an imagination is too hard.


bingo!


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

yeah_right said:


> I bet another reason is men think by taking their lady to see the movie, they will get to touch boobies later in the evening. A man can tolerate a Lifetime movie marathon for that, I bet.


Fortunately, I've never been so desperate as to have to subject myself to that that, just for some boobies...not a pair out there worth that


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## bfree (Sep 30, 2012)

CincyBluesFan said:


> My wife's explanation is better. She summed up the success of the book/movie with "it doesn't overestimate the intelligence level of its target audience."


Yup, my wife bought the book, read the first few pages and put it down. She said she could feel her IQ dropping with every word. She decided she'd better stop reading before she started to have urges to chew gum and watch Jerry Springer.


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## Harken Banks (Jun 12, 2012)

Why do women have affairs. Sometimes it is as simple as personal defect. So, I am a somewhat SAHD. I also make plenty of bank (a lot more than STBX by many a 6 figure margin and probably would be a lot more except I am doing a lot of the daddying, driving to playdates, making breakfast lunch and dinner and doing homework things around the house and so on) working for myself from pretty much wherever I want. I have an office. Nice one. Not someone else's office where I have a desk. I have an office with several private offices and desks and people working for me. I go there sometimes. Close the door and take a nap on the couch in about the only space I feel safe my wife or kids won't come yelling or screaming. Hold my calls. Attractiveness, fitness? Please. This is a load of crap. In retrospect, I should have traded up long ago. I thought she was someone she was not. My STBX and I have shared a mostly affectionless marriage for 15 years capped off by her masturbatory affair with some f*ggot with like values she met at a work event. She read these books about a year ago and started turning on the heat a bit, but it was just a more masturbation in my view. There was no intimacy. She gets off on hollow accolades, work travel, and fantasy. Anything but real life. 50 shades seems to fall into the category of anything but real life. Give me a check out line harlequin and a bubble bath.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

Blossom Leigh said:


> Yea, but, you protected your daughters. Period.


But not from her. There are many things I would have done differently had I known of her abuse and if I didn't have that stupid prime directive.


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## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

sorry to hear it Thor. You did well by your daughters. Your wife will ultimately find out that she caused damage that will never completely be fixed. They don't think about that at the time but when it sinks in later on, it's too late.

Stay strong, bro


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## oneMOreguy (Aug 22, 2012)

Harken Banks said:


> Why do women have affairs. Sometimes it is as simple as personal defect. So, I am a somewhat SAHD. I also make plenty of bank (a lot more than STBX by many a 6 figure margin and probably would be a lot more except I am doing a lot of the daddying, driving to playdates, making breakfast lunch and dinner and doing homework things around the house and so on) working for myself from pretty much wherever I want. I have an office. Nice one. Not someone else's office where I have a desk. I have an office with several private offices and desks and people working for me. I go there sometimes. Close the door and take a nap on the couch in about the only space I feel safe my wife or kids won't come yelling or screaming. Hold my calls. Attractiveness, fitness? Please. This is a load of crap. In retrospect, I should have traded up long ago. I thought she was someone she was not. My STBX and I have shared a mostly affectionless marriage for 15 years capped off by her masturbatory affair with some f*ggot with like values she met at a work event. She read these books about a year ago and started turning on the heat a bit, but it was just a more masturbation in my view. There was no intimacy. She gets off on hollow accolades, work travel, and fantasy. Anything but real life. 50 shades seems to fall into the category of anything but real life. Give me a check out line harlequin and a bubble bath.


...glad you have made a decision that is right for you and your future happiness. I am sure that your ex will eventually realize what she has lost, but not until you are really and finally gone.


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## G.J. (Nov 4, 2014)

oneMOreguy said:


> ...glad you have made a decision that is right for you and your future happiness. I am sure that your ex will eventually realize what she has lost, but not until you are really and finally gone.


She listened to the wrong people from what i remember reading and thought their view was the corect one, , if you lacked passion it would have been correct


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## PreRaphaelite (Dec 15, 2012)

Women who don't respect a man that sits around and does nothing with his life is entirely understandable.

Women who don't respect a man because he doesn't make enough cash to support her, for whatever reason including being a SAHD, are themselves unworthy of respect.

You can use the biology/evolution excuse all you want, except that in the field of human relations in a modern world, it is nothing but an excuse.


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## Harken Banks (Jun 12, 2012)

Before the affair but while the marriage already sucked really bad someone asked me to read David Deida. There were some vague and broad truths in there expressed in platitudes with lots of reference to mythology. I hadn't thought about it much since I put it down at least 5 years ago, but this thread reminded me of it. There is something to it and Deida did not invent or discover it. I don't think it is about coping with infidelity from the male vantage. Instead I think it is more being yourself and comfortable and confident in that. As Andrew Levy says, I apologize for nothing.


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