# Question on meeting new people when out



## bobsmith (Oct 15, 2012)

I am not ready to try dating again but I have a question for maybe both men and women. As a man, when I go to certain venues such as concerts, if I am single, my eyes are looking, but usually approached my women that I am not very attracted to. I am usually nice and usually chat with them. But, I can recall MANY times where that talking hosed me on meeting someone I really wanted to talk to. They might glance back and see me talking to this other woman that walked up, and assume I am taken or busy. Or my prize walks out the door because I am talking to someone else. 

I am really baffled how to politely and swiftly push a woman away? Or is that the wrong thing to do? I also sort of feel isolated just being there by myself but to be honest, my best game has always come from just doing things by myself.


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## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

bobsmith said:


> I am not ready to try dating again but I have a question for maybe both men and women. As a man, when I go to certain venues such as concerts, if I am single, my eyes are looking, but usually approached my women that I am not very attracted to. I am usually nice and usually chat with them. But, I can recall MANY times where that talking hosed me on meeting someone I really wanted to talk to. They might glance back and see me talking to this other woman that walked up, and assume I am taken or busy. Or my prize walks out the door because I am talking to someone else.
> 
> I am really baffled how to politely and swiftly push a woman away? Or is that the wrong thing to do? I also sort of feel isolated just being there by myself but to be honest, my best game has always come from just doing things by myself.


Don't be overly friendly with women your not attracted to.

If you catch someone eyeballing twice go introduce yourself.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

bobsmith said:


> I am not ready to try dating again but I have a question for maybe both men and women. As a man, when I go to certain venues such as concerts, if I am single, my eyes are looking, but usually approached my women that I am not very attracted to. I am usually nice and usually chat with them. But, I can recall MANY times where that talking hosed me on meeting someone I really wanted to talk to. They might glance back and see me talking to this other woman that walked up, and assume I am taken or busy. Or my prize walks out the door because I am talking to someone else.
> 
> I am really baffled how to politely and swiftly push a woman away? Or is that the wrong thing to do? I also sort of feel isolated just being there by myself but to be honest, my best game has always come from just doing things by myself.


How about you chat nicely to whoever you are with at the time. You may find a jewel where you least expect it.Just because a person isn't up to you standards for how they look, that doesn't mean they are not worth bothering about and only fit for rejection.


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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

Keep it moving. If it's someone you're not attracted to, give a quick smile, a hello if you'd feel awkward not saying anything, and keep walking. Or don't make eye contact if you can help it.

If you find yourself trapped, a polite "please excuse me" would work.

Or, you could approach the prized one first and not wait for her to approach you.

Good luck.


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## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

Diana7 said:


> How about you chat nicely to whoever you are with at the time. You may find a jewel where you least expect it.Just because a person isn't up to you standards for how they look, that doesn't mean they are not worth bothering about and only fit for rejection.


I'm not saying be rude but if they are not attractive to you then why bother. At least regarding when looking for a partner/mate.

How many time do wevsee posts on here that say I was never really attracted to my husband/wife and then it leads to a sexual mismatch or even divorce.

They say he/she is a great person I just am not attracted to the sexually.

Nope there needs to be equal attraction. That how I would roll.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

You don’t say how old or how good looking you are so I am reluctant to offer pick up advice but there is something you can use to your advantage.
When I was younger I lived with my best friend who is a very beautiful women who happens to be gay.We used to go out together all the time,she would come into a bar or nightclub with me,hang around for a while and then leave to go to a gay club or bar.I would immediately be hit on by another woman and I mean all the time.A poster on tam called it pre selection and it is a proven fact,when a woman sees a guy with another woman she feels he must have something to offer and when he appears to be alone she will act.

Or maybe I’m just irresistible to woman😜


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## bobsmith (Oct 15, 2012)

^^^^, YUP, I guess I am more inclined to ensure the physical traits are there. I don't think I need to see perfect, and actually prefer a little imperfect, but certain things I just need.


I think in my circumstances, women tend to come up and get quite chatty. It is hard for me to be a ****. They might start right with "so what is your name cutie?"..... I mean, how do I back out of that nicely???


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## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

Andy1001 said:


> You don’t say how old or how good looking you are so I am reluctant to offer pick up advice but there is something you can use to your advantage.
> When I was younger I lived with my best friend who is a very beautiful women who happens to be gay.We used to go out together all the time,she would come into a bar or nightclub with me,hang around for a while and then leave to go to a gay club or bar.I would immediately be hit on by another woman and I mean all the time.A poster on tam called it pre selection and it is a proven fact,when a woman sees a guy with another woman she feels he must have something to offer and when he appears to be alone she will act.
> 
> Or maybe I’m just irresistible to woman😜


Its that rolled up sock taped to your leg!>


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

chillymorn69 said:


> Its that rolled up sock taped to your leg!>


I used to just stand there licking my eyebrows.
Worked every time.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

chillymorn69 said:


> I'm not saying be rude but if they are not attractive to you then why bother. At least regarding when looking for a partner/mate.
> 
> How many time do wevsee posts on here that say I was never really attracted to my husband/wife and then it leads to a sexual mismatch or even divorce.
> 
> ...


I am not telling him to marry them!!! Just be polite and treat them with respect. I try and talk to anyone and treat them with kindness as if they are important. He did say that he isn't ready to date yet, so surely its a good opportunity to make friends? As I said he may find a jewel where he least expects it, and people will know him as a friendly, kind, decent man which is a positive thing surely? 

When my husband and I met neither of us were the others usual physical 'types' but we both knew that we had found treasure in each other, and are happily married after 13 years this year. We limit ourselves far too much if we go by initial looks alone. Attractiveness can grow over time.


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## xMadame (Sep 1, 2016)

bobsmith said:


> ^^^^, YUP, I guess I am more inclined to ensure the physical traits are there. I don't think I need to see perfect, and actually prefer a little imperfect, but certain things I just need.
> 
> 
> I think in my circumstances, women tend to come up and get quite chatty. It is hard for me to be a ****. They might start right with "so what is your name cutie?"..... I mean, how do I back out of that nicely???




You reply with:

“Thank you, but I have a gf” 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## bobsmith (Oct 15, 2012)

I think my only issue with female friends is unless they are married, they seem to accept my kindness and friendship as an advance. i had my best friend's ex text me last year proclaiming she was naked in my yard even though I told her I was sitting with my girlfriend. I just let her read the text. It was embarrassing. 


I not known for being a **** to anyone. Usually very easy to talk to, if there is something to actually talk about. 

Just trying to figure out how to up my game. My biggest downfall is I am not known for approaching women. I rarely do it, and it has probably been a big reason I have not found the right spouse type yet. just very hard for me to walk right and up and chat. I am usually a guy that hangs at the bar and uses my eyes. Once they know I am paying attention, I seem to just wait for them. Probably not good. 

I also tend to screw this up by accidently locking eyes with someone too many times and then they think I like them. 

God I prefer attached life SO much more. I am just not a player or whatever. I just want to be married with kids.


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## bobsmith (Oct 15, 2012)

xMadame said:


> You reply with:
> 
> “Thank you, but I have a gf”
> 
> ...


You do that and then you go talk to someone 5min later?


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## Ms. GP (Jul 8, 2013)

It sounds like you have the same problem a lot of women in the singles scene have. 

I wouldn't be in a rush to stop talking to the girls you're not attracted to. They might have cute friends. I personally think the guy joking around and talking to everyone is more attractive than the guy who appears to be on the prowl.


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## bobsmith (Oct 15, 2012)

Ms. GP said:


> It sounds like you have the same problem a lot of women in the singles scene have.
> 
> I wouldn't be in a rush to stop talking to the girls you're not attracted to. They might have cute friends. I personally think the guy joking around and talking to everyone is more attractive than the guy who appears to be on the prowl.




What do you mean "sounds like same problem as lots of single women"? 

Yeah, I agree about chatting with non-matches. I always worry about snubbing someone only to find their friend is a dead ringer. Won't I start off as a ****...


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

bobsmith said:


> I just want to be married with kids.


But don't you already have kids with a woman you didn't marry?


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## bobsmith (Oct 15, 2012)

That marriage was going to turn into a divorce. She was not my pick. She got pregger and we tried to make something of it. I have to hone my skill to find the "right" one, not just "one"


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

bobsmith said:


> She got pregger and we tried to make something of it.


It sounds like she wasn't the one for you. But she did get pregnant. Did she trick you into that or did both of you just get careless one night? Just asking ...


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## Ms. GP (Jul 8, 2013)

bobsmith said:


> What do you mean "sounds like same problem as lots of single women"?
> 
> Yeah, I agree about chatting with non-matches. I always worry about snubbing someone only to find their friend is a dead ringer. Won't I start off as a ****...


What I mean was when I was single, it seemed like the only guys that talked to me in bars were overly confidant weirdos.

My brothers would purposely talk to the girl they liked less attractive friend first. Worked like a charm. Doesn't make you look like a jerk. You're not on a date or anything. You just met.


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## bobsmith (Oct 15, 2012)

I conceived 2 kids with that woman and BOTH times she was on the pill, but I am guessing forgot to take it or something. I was pretty pissed with both situations but I did not attack her or anything. We both screwed up I guess. 

Had we not had a kid, I would have been gone a LONG time ago. 

Like coaching for my boys. When they say they are on the pill, you are good, you are NOT good. If you make one mistake, don't make the next by keeping her if it isn't meant to me. Take care of her and work towards splitting. 

In my teens, I never could have guessed my life would go this way.


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## bobsmith (Oct 15, 2012)

Ms. GP said:


> What I mean was when I was single, it seemed like the only guys that talked to me in bars were overly confidant weirdos.
> 
> My brothers would purposely talk to the girl they liked less attractive friend first. Worked like a charm. Doesn't make you look like a jerk. You're not on a date or anything. You just met.


Believe me, i have had some leaches. It gets embarrassing. Maybe not so much that I am now older and more mature women will want me.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

bobsmith said:


> I conceived 2 kids with that woman and BOTH times she was on the pill, but I am guessing forgot to take it or something. I was pretty pissed with both situations but I did not attack her or anything. We both screwed up I guess.
> 
> Had we not had a kid, I would have been gone a LONG time ago.
> 
> ...


So you are already a dad of 2 children.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Okay. Regardless of who was responsible for creating two human beings, you are the father of two children. Are you involved in their lives? I'm going to assume they are engaged in activities other than school. Do you think it could be beneficial to be involved in those activities? You could meet single moms that way and also be bonding with your kids. Just a thought ...


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

I think it depends on your goal. If you are looking for a quick hookup (nothing wrong with that), then by all means back off from women you aren't immediately attracted to.

If you are looking long term, then building up a social circle can be a really good idea. 

A lot depends on whether these are really hook-up places or more general social gatherings.






chillymorn69 said:


> I'm not saying be rude but if they are not attractive to you then why bother. At least regarding when looking for a partner/mate.
> 
> How many time do wevsee posts on here that say I was never really attracted to my husband/wife and then it leads to a sexual mismatch or even divorce.
> 
> ...


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## JayDee7 (Sep 12, 2017)

Do not talk with women who you aren’t attracted to. If an attractive woman sees you chatting with an unattractive woman she may believe you are only worthy of lower quality women. If you’re chatting with a very attractive woman then the other women will believe you must be worthy of high quality women since the attractive woman has validated you, and they will be flattered if you would stop to introduce yourself to one of them.

Think about it. Even as a man, if you saw a man surrounded by beautiful women, laughing and carrying on with them, then he comes up to you at the bar and starts up a friendly conversation, you’ll likely be intrigued and carry on with him and wonder what’s so great about this guy. You’d be looking for the good qualities and would think those women must like him because he’s so funny or rich or charismatic, you’d want to be around the guy who is surrounded by beautiful women. If that same exact man was chatting with a group of unattractive women then starts up a friendly conversation with you you’d likely cut him off and end the friendly talk, because he’s uninteresting and not worthy of your time, you’d only see his bad qualities, you’d not want to be associated with the man who surrounds himself with ugly women.
It’s superficial and probably not the right thing to do but people do judge other people, especially other women, based on looks and everyone wants to project themselves as a higher quality individual. No one wants to lower the value of their image.
Do not chat with unattractive ladies, instead be polite and excuse yourself and chat up beautiful women, even if you have no intention of making a move with the woman, it just makes you look better to everyone else. Also, most women are not comfortable with appearing rude and likely will not immediately turn you away, so chat the best looking women up for a few minutes then leave them alone, don’t be rude and take up all of their time making them uncomfortable. Good luck.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

I'm really interested if any women think that way. (not saying that they don't but I'd like to hear).

As I guy, if I see a man talking to an unattractive woman, I certainly don't think she is "the best he could do". There are all sorts of possible reasons he could be talking to her. 


People may well think the way you say - i'm curious?




JayDee7 said:


> Do not talk with women who you aren’t attracted to. If an attractive woman sees you chatting with an unattractive woman she may believe you are only worthy of lower quality women. If you’re chatting with a very attractive woman then the other women will believe you must be worthy of high quality women since the attractive woman has validated you, and they will be flattered if you would stop to introduce yourself to one of them.
> snip
> .


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## Ms. GP (Jul 8, 2013)

uhtred said:


> I'm really interested if any women think that way. (not saying that they don't but I'd like to hear).
> 
> As I guy, if I see a man talking to an unattractive woman, I certainly don't think she is "the best he could do". There are all sorts of possible reasons he could be talking to her.
> 
> ...


I can't speak for an entire gender here, but personally I never noticed the level of attractiveness of the women a man was talking too. I would argue that the super attractive women are too busy fending off the creepers to notice! That was one of the reasons my now husband stood out to me. He gave off a I'm just here to joke around and have fun vibe, not meet anyone, and actually seemed interested in getting to know me as a person Instead of the usual "brag about themselves for two hours" types. Just my two cents though.


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## Betrayedone (Jan 1, 2014)

JayDee7 said:


> Do not talk with women who you aren’t attracted to. If an attractive woman sees you chatting with an unattractive woman she may believe you are only worthy of lower quality women. If you’re chatting with a very attractive woman then the other women will believe you must be worthy of high quality women since the attractive woman has validated you, and they will be flattered if you would stop to introduce yourself to one of them.
> 
> Think about it. Even as a man, if you saw a man surrounded by beautiful women, laughing and carrying on with them, then he comes up to you at the bar and starts up a friendly conversation, you’ll likely be intrigued and carry on with him and wonder what’s so great about this guy. You’d be looking for the good qualities and would think those women must like him because he’s so funny or rich or charismatic, you’d want to be around the guy who is surrounded by beautiful women. If that same exact man was chatting with a group of unattractive women then starts up a friendly conversation with you you’d likely cut him off and end the friendly talk, because he’s uninteresting and not worthy of your time, you’d only see his bad qualities, you’d not want to be associated with the man who surrounds himself with ugly women.
> It’s superficial and probably not the right thing to do but people do judge other people, especially other women, based on looks and everyone wants to project themselves as a higher quality individual. No one wants to lower the value of their image.
> Do not chat with unattractive ladies, instead be polite and excuse yourself and chat up beautiful women, even if you have no intention of making a move with the woman, it just makes you look better to everyone else. Also, most women are not comfortable with appearing rude and likely will not immediately turn you away, so chat the best looking women up for a few minutes then leave them alone, don’t be rude and take up all of their time making them uncomfortable. Good luck.


You are so wrong and shallow, dude. Talking and being genuine with everyone will pay big dividends and bring good karma.


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