# What to do?



## Mythanhn (Aug 24, 2013)

if you know your husband is planning for divorce but not filling for divorce yet. What is the best thing you can do at this point?


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

Sorry you are here, this is a good place to start reading:
http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/32002-welcome-tam-cwi-newbies-please-read.html
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RoninJedi (Jun 22, 2013)

I think that depends largely on the reason he's filing. Without more to go on other than he's planning to but isn't filing yet, it's hard to offer anything.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Mythanhn said:


> if you know your husband is planning for divorce but not filling for divorce yet. What is the best thing you can do at this point?


Wait. But keep a solicitor/lawyer primed.


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

Start saving money.


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## Will_Kane (Feb 26, 2012)

See an attorney and find out what you need to be ready to do when he files. Or if it's more advantageous for you to file first and beat him to the punch.

Are you hoping that he changes his mind and does not file?

Do you know the reason he's planning to file?

Is he cheating on you?


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## Mythanhn (Aug 24, 2013)

I don't know if it will be stupid to wait and hope that he will change his mind and stop seeing the other woman. I read his text and found that he brought clothes for her and hide in his car. In ager I came and talk to him. He said he love her and can not stop seeing her.


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## RoninJedi (Jun 22, 2013)

Mythanhn said:


> I don't know if it will be stupid to wait and hope that he will change his mind and stop seeing the other woman. I read his text and found that he brought clothes for her and hide in his car. In ager I came and talk to him. He said he love her and can not stop seeing her.


My heart breaks for you, but the ugly truth is that if he refuses to stop seeing her, reconciliation is impossible. Working on a marriage requires both parties. If he is committed to divorcing you for this woman, I would suggest you begin speaking with an attorney now.

Ask any question you may have, even if it seems stupid or trivial. Divorce is never pretty, but the more well-informed you are, the quicker it can be moved along and you can get on with your life.

I'm so sorry you're going through this.


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## Chris989 (Jul 3, 2012)

You should start to "do the 180". This means more or less ignoring your husband. Stop having sex with him.

Only interact where necessary. Don't be harsh with him, just matter of fact.

In effect, withdraw from him completely.

This might begin to get him to see what he will miss is he divorces you.


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

Learn all you can about divorce in your state or country. Knowledge will help you in your decisions. Speak to an attorney.


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## 2yearsago (Jun 28, 2013)

Buckle up cuz it's going to be a bumpy ride.

Good luck.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Mythanhn said:


> I don't know if it will be stupid to wait and hope that he will change his mind and stop seeing the other woman. I read his text and found that he brought clothes for her and hide in his car. In ager I came and talk to him. He said he love her and can not stop seeing her.


No, you dont wait for him to choose! Make the decision FOR him and file yourself!


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Mythanhn said:


> I don't know if it will be stupid to wait and hope that he will change his mind and stop seeing the other woman. I read his text and found that he brought clothes for her and hide in his car. In ager I came and talk to him. He said he love her and can not stop seeing her.


Ah. Then this is now more clear.

*You *get to divorce *him*.


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## NatureDave (Feb 19, 2013)

OK, it seems you came her for practical advice, so here goes.

1) Being the one to file first is no real advantage in most states. If your husband files first, then you can simply file a counter petition (if you agree with the divorce), or ignore it for the time being and drag this out as long as possible.

2) You do need to immediately separate your finances and move as much assets as you can to a personal account. Immediately cancel all joint credit cards or credit lines.

3) Research divorce laws in your state.

4) Find a lawyer and be ready to retain him when the time comes.

Some other things you can be doing to help your cause and help you lawyer do his job...

If your husband has spent a significant amount of money on skankahola, you can recoup that in the divorce settlement. See if you can document any expensive gifts, hotels charges, restaurants, trips, or loans to the other woman.

Do you have children with him? If so, you have a lot more to do...


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## harrybrown (May 22, 2013)

Three in a marriage is too crowded. Sorry that you are having this horrible experience. He does not get to keep doing this and keep you. Wake him up, and hand him the divorce papers. He is in his own little world, in a fog. If you want, maybe he will wake up from his fog with the divorce papers in his hand. I hope he will if this is what you want, but he is not showing you any respect at all.


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## TimesOfChange (Mar 20, 2013)

Mythanhn said:


> I don't know if it will be stupid to wait and hope that he will change his mind and stop seeing the other woman. I read his text and found that he brought clothes for her and hide in his car. In ager I came and talk to him. He said he love her and can not stop seeing her.


His blood is right now in his pe nis and not in his brain. Don't be needy, do the 180. Change the rules and you control the game and by changing the rules you know em better than he does.


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