# Do you care about what your parents think of you?



## NextTimeAround

I had a very unpleasant conversation with my mother tonight which set me off. I have finally articulated to myself that my mother likes to be in the middle of things so she made one of those "everybody says that you......" and so on.

It actually relates to the fact that my husband is looking for a new job. He has been asked to send his resume to a couple places in care of a certain individual which he has done.

It might be that she wanted to get into this topic and was clumsy about it, intentionally or not. I say this because my mother has many long term friends which says to me she has some social skills that she uses elsewhere but not on me.

The topic particularly set me off because I've been down this road before at a younger age when I found myself on a couple of occasion in 3 way conversations in which the person claiming to have some leads really had nothing. But somehow the impression that was left with my parents was that "i didn't try hard enough" to get the job.

This was important to me at the time as I was just starting out and the support of my parents (financially if need be) was of concern to me. My husband wonders why I care at all what my mother thinks of me.

--whether you have a positive relationship with your parents or not -- For those of you who care about what your parents think of you, can you put in words why? If so, let's hear it.


----------



## chillymorn69

I cared because she was the most giving knid person i ever knew. And the respect I had for her was tremendous. 

I wanted to show i was learning from her examples.

And even as she has passed 3yrs ago i am still learning from her.


----------



## arbitrator

*Both Mom and Dad loved me so very much ~ damned right that I cared deeply about what they thought of me!

And while they’ve both been gone for decades now, I still see wonders of their love present in my life, to this very day!*


----------



## uhtred

I cared until I was old enough to recognize them for what they were - and it wasn't a pretty thing to recognize. After that their approval or lack of same no longer meant anything to me.


----------



## Married but Happy

I had good parents, and I did care what they thought. However, they had some old-fashioned ideas that were biased or unreasonable, and I had to assert my own thinking in those areas, regardless of what they thought. They came to respect that, so it did not cause problems. I was not afraid to speak my mind and disagree with them - respectfully.


----------



## Bananapeel

Of course I care. However, I still choose to live my life the way I want rather than do what they want; although, I will come to them for their opinion/advice if I'm facing a difficult situation. We have mutual respect for each other and I know they are proud of me, even when I do things that go against what they would prefer.


----------



## msrv23

I guess that I care to some degree but not strong enough that could hurt me. We never had a strong relationship because when I was young she was distant and even abusive. She had issues, still has, but got better. I see her as a mother who cares for her child but just a human with her flaws and selfishness.

She can be critical even with smallest things and we have different perspectives despite some similarities. I still prefer to follow my own heart and mind if we disagree, I have no issue going after my own happiness and living my own life.

The only time I was more vulnerable and affected by what she said was during the first months after my child was born. She did help a lot, but her critical ways aggravated my insecurities as a first time mom with a difficult baby. The moment I regained strength and expressed my feelings about her criticizing, was the moment I felt strong again.


----------



## Bobby5000

Moderate concern as an adult is fine but to grow up you need to feel, this is what I am doing and if she is not happy too bad. :surprise:


----------



## EANx

My parents passed 10 years ago but I did care what they thought. And since they had been divorced for 20 years, sometimes their opinions certainly clashed



NextTimeAround said:


> I had a very unpleasant conversation with my mother tonight which set me off. I have finally articulated to myself that my mother likes to be in the middle of things so she made one of those "everybody says that you......" and so on.


Your mother is being manipulative. She says "everybody", just who is everybody? And notice that she doesn't say that she thinks (or at least your post doesn't indicate it), it's just that she's passing on what other people think, in a way that she thinks you'll accept this isn't her opinion when it is. Parents can be petty and this type of thing needs to be shut-down.


----------



## MrsHolland

I very much care what they think of me. Mum has since passed but my amazing Dad is my "go to" guy, I love him to pieces and know he is proud of and loves me.


----------

