# This is INSANE to me...(sexual frustration)



## SecondTimesTheCharm (Dec 30, 2011)

My wife and I seem to spend far more time fighting about sex than actually having sex. When we have sex, even on a good day, it is done and over with in a matter of 30-40 minutes, but, on average, it is half that time.

Meanwhile, when we FIGHT about sex, or more aptly NOT having sex, we tend to fight for hours or even half the night into the wee hours of the morning, saying the most hurtful things imaginable, threatening divorce, blaming each other, bringing up ex partners and how sex was better with them, etc.

Last night/this morning was a classic example. Although we had only had sex once this week and that did not go especially well, she got in bed right out of the shower, without panties, and cuddled up next to me, rubbed on my chest for about 15 minutes and then said that on Saturday night it would be a good time to be intimate. Meanwhile, I am frustrated, try to go with the flow, but when she falls asleep, I toss and turn for the next 2.5 hours, completely frustrated. I just feel like I am always on eggshells and if I dare try to have sex with her when she is tired, that I am asking for trouble (plus I know it won't be that good, anyway).

Finally, after 2.5 hours of frustration, I say to hell with it, grab the lube from my nightstand and climb atop her but, with no kissing, no foreplay and with no help, I am unable to finish and it leads to a huge blowout fight that lasts for a couple hours and leads us both to say very hurtful things to each other.

So, today, to start the weekend, things went from pretty good to very bad, she is down a couple hours sleep and I am down about 5 hours sleep and functioning on 2 hours sleep today.

It just blows my mind that she wouldn't spend that same 15 minutes she spent rubbing my chest to instead be intimate with me, even just a handjob to get me through the night. 

The majority of our fights start due to sexual frustration and I try my best to be patient but there are times like last night where I just feel so pushed to the side and like my needs do not even matter that there is no way I can fall asleep but instead toss and turn all night frustrated. To me, it amounts to emotional abuse, yet, at the end of it, I am always the bad guy and I am the one with the problem, never mind that in the beginning of our relationship we had sex daily.

If there was something I could do in 15-20 minutes a day that would lead to a happier marriage, I would do it in a heartbeat, yet I don't feel like I get the same consideration, and, trust me, I do everything I can to be as close to her as I can be so it is not like I ignore her all day and night and then just expect sex.

*Is this how it starts for long time married couples who went from a healthy sex life down to sex once a week or a couple times a month?!*

I am 40 and she is early 30's and the only time in the last couple months that she was super into the sex was when she was ovulating last week and wanted me to ejaculate inside her. It was quite a performance on her part, one that I WISH would be the norm rather than the exception. With resentment on my own part and knowing that it was only because she was ovulating, while the sex was great, I did NOT ejaculate inside her and World War 3 ensued after that and wrecked our New Years Eve and New Years Day, but I need to feel wanted like that on a normal basis whereas I feel like she is usually inconvenienced by our sex and that is a pretty crappy way to feel.


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## Jamison (Feb 10, 2011)

SecondTimesTheCharm said:


> Finally, after 2.5 hours of frustration, I say to hell with it, grab the lube from my nightstand and climb atop her but, with no kissing, no foreplay and with no help, I am unable to finish and it leads to a huge blowout fight that lasts for a couple hours and leads us both to say very hurtful things to each other.



So what did she do or say when you grabbed the lube and got on top of her? 

I don't know that it was the wisest move. I'm sure you are aware of that now. 

My guess is, all this fighting is probably more about a deeper issues going on than the lack of sex. It usually starts outside of the bedroom first.


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## SecondTimesTheCharm (Dec 30, 2011)

She went with it when she saw that it required no more effort on her part than spreading her legs...but, as is the case more often than not, there was no kissing. I thought it was the man who wasn't supposed to be into kissing the woman but in this case it is total role reversal, although she denies it, and it just makes it hard for me to get totally turned on without kissing or with only a quick peck or two.

While I am sure there are deeper issues going on, then don't rub on me for 15 minutes, pantie-less in bed, right out of the shower knowing that we haven't had much sex lately and after a day that I really made every effort to express my love throughout the day.

Again, emotional abuse but then turning it around on me. And I don't dare masturbate as she is a bean counter when it comes to the amount of ejaculate I have and would rather I be frustrated for a couple days than to please myself, although that is exactly what I did last night after MY failed attempt at sex.


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## janesmith (Nov 29, 2010)

yeah..ummm.....that whole getting jumped with a tube of lube thing. I can totally see why THAT didnt go over well. enough of that

I bet she has no idea what she is putting you through and she just doesnt get it. Thats sad for the both of you. I bet if she were told that her actions were emotionally abusive, she would be horrified.

you have some choices here, you arent powerless. Im sure you have told her too many times to count how you feel. What is your line in the sand on this? Im not one for ultimatums but, dude, you planning on putting up with this for the rest of your life? THAT would work for you? okay, really, im being facitious, but seriously.

She needs to be told when you arent angry how her actions make you feel and what you need to continue to feel love and affection for her.

Then you offer some suggestions on how yall could handle this problem...some might say counceling, reading some books, seeing your pastor....you know what ever yall agree on. But you must make a step in some direction. 

If she refuses then you have the information you need to make an informed choice about what you want the rest of your life to look like.


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## FrankKissel (Nov 14, 2011)

1. Her rubbing your chest for 15 minutes while snuggling up to you WAS her being intimate with you. Intimacy, especially for a woman, is about more than grabbing a bottle of lube and climbing on top or jerking you off for a while. 
Which leads me to point 2 ...

2. If you want more sex, might I suggest you not mount your sleeping wife in the middle of the night. I can't imagine many less sexy things for a woman.

Just speculating here, but maybe your wife is turned off to sex because it's become a constant source of conflict in your relationship.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SecondTimesTheCharm (Dec 30, 2011)

Jane,

Sadly, getting jumped with the lube thing DID go over well and the reason it did was because it required little or no effort on her part than to lie on her back, although in her mind, the fact that she touched my chest (while dodging my kisses) should have been enough for me to climax.

It is just really sad to me that she would put our entire marriage on the line rather than try to be more accommodating of my needs. 

I really really really try to accommodate her needs which tend to be family related as she is very close to her parents but my needs, unfortunately, are easily dismissed by her and she makes me out to be some sort of sex addict, yet, for the first year of our relationship, we were having sex daily and prior to accepting my proposal for marriage, we were having sex even more often than that, so why wasn't I viewed as a sex addict then?! Bait and switch, I say.

I have only tried to be the best husband I can be yet this is the result. I don't want to be satiated with breadcrumbs and that is all that it feels like I am getting these days and it really hurts.


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## janesmith (Nov 29, 2010)

that may have been her being intimate, im not denying that. She probably had NO idea what it was doing to him or how torturous sexual tension that is not discharged can be or how being in that state can wreak havoc with someones emotions and responses . Hey, im just advocating educating her how how dude feels. Im giving her the total benefit of the doubt here. But he has some choices to make


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## SecondTimesTheCharm (Dec 30, 2011)

Frank,

I respectfully disagree with you...there are many times that my wife tells me that she wishes I would have just mounted her with my hard **** while she is sleeping. Again, though, it is because it requires the least amount of effort on her part, which is sad.

Trust me, the last thing I want is to resort to mounting her when she is sleeping, yet while she is sleeping like a baby, there I am left to toss and turn all night and, again, dare I masturbate, I then get condemned as she measures my amount of ejaculate each time to see whether or not I have masturbated recently.

I am always told to "go with the flow", yet her telling me that our next sex was two days away does not very much sound like going with the flow.

As far as rubbing my chest counting as intimacy, sure, if it put me into as deep a sleep as she was...but not when it only gets me frustrated and after 2.5 hours I am nowhere nearer to falling asleep than I was 2.5 hours earlier (when she fell asleep).


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## FrankKissel (Nov 14, 2011)

SecondTimesTheCharm said:


> Jane,
> 
> Sadly, getting jumped with the lube thing DID go over well and the reason it did was because it required little or no effort on her part than to lie on her back, although in her mind, the fact that she touched my chest (while dodging my kisses) should have been enough for me to climax.


If your wife wouldn't kiss you, just laid there and gave you indications she wanted it to be over with (i.e. wanted you to finish, already) then it most definitely wasn't working. Not for her, at least.

You can take my advice or leave it. Entirely up to you. But based on what you've written, sex for your wife sounds like a chore, obligation and major source of conflict. Not exactly a recipe for getting her in the mood.
Either work to change that, divorce her or be miserable. Up to you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## CallaLily (Jan 13, 2011)

Have you sat down with her and had a heart to heart on the issue? If so, what has she said? What are her reasons for her doing this or not doing that?


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## Noel1987 (Jan 2, 2012)

You said that in beginning it was terrific but now  hold on dude just see whats the result. Show her the moves inside the bed the way she wants.


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## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

SecondTimesTheCharm said:


> Last night/this morning was a classic example. Although we had only had sex once this week and that did not go especially well, she got in bed right out of the shower, without panties, and cuddled up next to me, rubbed on my chest for about 15 minutes and then said that on Saturday night it would be a good time to be intimate. Meanwhile, I am frustrated, try to go with the flow, but when she falls asleep, I toss and turn for the next 2.5 hours, completely frustrated. I just feel like I am always on eggshells and if I dare try to have sex with her when she is tired, that I am asking for trouble (plus I know it won't be that good, anyway).


How is she being emotionally abusive? You asked for sex, she said that Saturday would be a good night. Instead you basically let her know that you could care less what she just said by mounting her.... If anything, you were the abusive one. 

Why don't you try backing off for a little bit? And not put so much emphasis on this if it's causing so many fights? 

Sit down, talk to her, explain your needs and find out what she says. 

How long have y'all been married? Any kids?


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## Lovebug501 (Aug 30, 2011)

SecondTimesTheCharm said:


> dare I masturbate, I then get condemned as she measures my amount of ejaculate each time to see whether or not I have masturbated recently.


I'm getting the picture that she wants a baby... and that sex for her is now only about getting a baby. [Please don't bring a baby into a marriage like this - it won't make it better, only worse... WAY less sex...]

Jerk off man... if she's that concerned about getting every drop of your ejaculate, she should have sex with you. You could calmly explain that you have to release some of that tension and it's either going to be with or without her...


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## SecondTimesTheCharm (Dec 30, 2011)

CallaLily said:


> Have you sat down with her and had a heart to heart on the issue? If so, what has she said? What are her reasons for her doing this or not doing that?


I have tried talking in a constructive manner (as well as writing e-mails on the subject--and, given that she is constantly trying to find fault with me and has me living under a microscope, she even found this forum and reads these very posts). 

Unfortunately, she is completely dismissive of my needs when it comes to sex, no matter what I say or do. If I back off, I don't get sex...if I have expectations, I get sex no more often. And, while every other day on average may not seem like a big deal, to me it is given that we were having sex every day in the first year and that the quality has also progressively diminished.

Instead, she likes to bring up ancient history and how all I wanted in the first year was for her to ride me and lots of oral sex...of course, she didn't complain about it during that year so WHY would I even see a problem...little did I know it would be thrown in my face 2.5 years later!

And, I am not selfish in the bedroom but as a way to punish me I believe she also withholds allowing me to perform oral sex on her.

In her relationship prior to ours, she was with the guy for 4 years, lived with him, and they didn't have sex for the last 3.5 years...he was on antidepressants and would secretly masturbate rather than be intimate with her. This wasn't a huge red flag to me given that she and I were having sex every single day for the first few months of our relationship until I proposed to her.

She also harbors some resentment because we experimented sexually with other couples and individuals early in our relationship and she likes to act like I held a gun to her head when that is not the case. Anyway, it has been 26 months since we last engaged in any such activities but she likes to act like it was yesterday. Trust me, at the time, while we had our share of drama, she seemed to enjoy dressing all sexy, going to clubs, dancing, meeting others and never was it a situation where I demanded that she be with anybody she was not interested in and it was always together, side by side.

Early on in the relationship--prior to engagement--when I said I wasn't sure about a lifetime of monogamy, she assured me that a couple times a year we would have threesomes with other women, but, of course, now, bait and switch, and that seems like it is never going to happen (and hasn't happened the last two years).

If all that isn't enough, I was very promiscuous before she and I met and I told her this from the beginning. Maybe it was dumb of me to tell her about all the skeletons in my closet but I wanted to be as honest as possible so there were no secrets going in...only when she showed no qualms about this did I truly fall for her and propose to her. Now, of course, my past is thrown in my face whenever we have a fight and that just seems totally wrong to me and amounts to nothing more than very dirty fighting! There is nothing I can do to change my past and I was totally upfront about from the very beginning.

So, that is it in a nutshell...


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## cowgirl70 (Aug 10, 2011)

MaybE ya need to try gettin the pan warm before puttin the meat in!!! Just a suggestion!!!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LovingW (Nov 14, 2011)

There is TWO sides to every story so STOP feeding people a bunch of lies on this forum!! 

Yes, we used to have lots of sex! Unfortunately, a lot has happened to us in the last couple of years, both, physically and mentally! 

I carry ALL the stress in this marriage.....

Yes, we brought others into the bedroom and that was a BIG mistake on my part!! But I am a pleaser and I wanted to make you happy. Before you proposed, I said ONCE or TWICE a year it would not be a problem and that I'd would be OK with inviting a sexy female to the bedroom but you took it to the next level and signed us up to go swinging every other night. I felt pressured because you threw tantrums and gave me ultimatums! This was your fantasy, not mine, I drank and drank so I could numb myself to this lifestyle, while it lasted! 

Yes, we might have had one or two good nights but this has only set us back in our marriage, rather then bringing us closer. Not my cup of tea!! So until I feel safe and secure in this marriage, we are not ready for strangers.

You drain me mentally...emotionally.....and for that reason I am physically exhausted to perform in the bedroom!! Because of your HIGH SEX DRIVE, you make our sex life such an issue on a DAILY basis and so it definitely feels like a chore!! Nothing is simple with you....

Just let it be and you will see results! Whenever we go on a few days without sex, I always come back hungry for you, your touches and your kisses!! But you won't just chill!!! 

Stop telling people I do not like french kissing you............I prefer swapping spit gently and softly! The way you attacked me with your mouth wide open on our first date, now that was just wrong and till this day we laugh about it! 

I am working on putting the past behind us so we can finally grow and build this foundation that is soooooooooo past due but you........I wanna move forward in this marriage .......You constantly lie and end up getting caught......you show interest in other women and that is a BIG turn off!! I could go on and on about your immature ways but there is no point! I don't have the time nor the energy to post back and forth in multiple forums but you seem to have all the time in the world! 

Yes, my clock is ticking and I want to start a family NOW. You have known that all along and it has been no secret. We'd make a great team if you were not so self centered and such a baby! I poured my heart to you New Year's Day, if I do not make you happy, let's pull the plug before we bring children into this marriage and put them through misery because mom and dad are not on the same page!! 

The last straw that broke the camels back.....has been broken for quite some time now but I have been trying to keep all this together in hopes you will wake up and see that there is more to life and no sex for 2 or 3 days in a row is NOT the end of the freaking world!!

I probably should not have posted on here and expressed my feelings but you leave me no choice when you paint yourself to be this perfect husband. Yes, you have some wonderful qualities but you need to tone it down a bit so we can have peace in our home....

Masturbate if you must, just don't wake me up at one AM for sex and NOT come! Oh, and by the way, I enjoy kissing during sex very much, I am just not into bad breath and/or morning breath in the wee hours.....I wish you'd keep that in mind for next time! Not just yours but my own because I can taste it....


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## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

IMO, you need to ignore your wife and masturbate when your urge gets to that level. Or your wife needs to accommodate cheerfully if she does not want you to ejaculate elsewhere. If she is trying to get pregnant, she needs to try and relax, if that is what you want too.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LovingW (Nov 14, 2011)

All week I was clear on how exhausted I was and wanting to get to bed early. What kind of husband can't understand and respect their wife's feelings.......would it kill you if you did not ejaculate for 3 or 4 days??!!


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## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

It wouldn't kill me, but I am not your husband. You are controlling a natural urge of your husband. You need to read more on here, as I do not understand it myself. But I understand enough to know I should not control that for my husband.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LovingW (Nov 14, 2011)

Cherry, I have been lurking on here for a couple of months now.....our issues are nothing compared to what I have been finding on here and people have it much worst then us. For whatever reason my other half can't just go with the flow and allow things to take its course, instead, he plans. And if his plan fails, well....all hell breaks loose in our home.


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## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

I understand, it seems this is not the only issue in your marriage (I just read your longer post, I'm sorry). I don't have thought on the other issues, as I have some of the same problems and we are working through them. It has taken about 5 years for us to see a glimmer of peace in our home . Good luck to you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

wow we got both side of the story.


wow don't know what to say except for good luck.

I would not be having kids until you guys are more stable in your relationship!!!!!!


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## LovesHerMan (Jul 28, 2011)

Wow, the story really changes when you hear the other side! I don't usually mention counseling because it seems like an easy out rather than giving advice, but you two need to run to a counselor!

The usual advice is compromise on frequency, but the situation is complicated by allowing a threesome and going to swinging clubs. It is too bad that you did not realize the consequences of this.

Do not have a baby until you get this sorted out. If you two really love each other and care about each other's needs, you need to find a solution together.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

SecondTimesTheCharm said:


> Frank,
> 
> I respectfully disagree with you...there are many times that my wife tells me that she wishes I would have just mounted her with my hard **** while she is sleeping. Again, though, it is because it requires the least amount of effort on her part, which is sad.
> 
> ...


All sex does not have to be wild or highly motivated sex. Sometimes I really like sort of lazy sex, like you are describing... wake from my sleep to find my husband going at it... It's an almost dream state. Maybe your wife likes those times and that's why she told you to do it that way sometimes.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

LovingW said:


> There is TWO sides to every story so STOP feeding people a bunch of lies on this forum!!
> 
> Yes, we used to have lots of sex! Unfortunately, a lot has happened to us in the last couple of years, both, physically and mentally!
> 
> ...


I am glad that you posted. We seldom get "the rest of the story". You certainly do explain why you are reacting as you are. 

And I get the whole bit about being woken up from sleep, bad breath, morning mouth and one you did not mention B.O.


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## SecondTimesTheCharm (Dec 30, 2011)

Aftermath: Took my DW out to a casual dinner, the movies and when she didn't put out, mounted her again in her sleep, this time in her butt. Did not go over well...

Ok, totally kidding about mounting her in her sleep...saving it for tonight, at her request but over dinner I think we reached a compromise of sorts. I reminded her that in the not too distant past when she was tired and had no energy for nighttime sex, that she would ask if I minded just going to sleep and waking her up early so we could have sex before I had to leave to work. I asked why she no longer did that and why, instead, in this case she asked me to wait 2 entire days for sex?!

She said she doesn't know why she no longer did that and that, yes, when she was too tired for sex at night and wanted to get to bed and to sleep early, that she would, once again, ask me to wake her up before I left for work. This is waaaayyyy better than being told to wait two days! Hopefully, she follows suit and this will save me some disgruntled 6am bathroom visits to take matters into my own right hand while holding my porn streaming I-Phone in my left hand. 

Of course, we will be showered before bed and get up and brush our teeth first! Eeeewww.

Sex five days a week, morning, noon, or night, and I believe our marriage would have 80% less conflict. Sex 7 days a week and I believe there would be 98% less conflict. Just saying.... ;-)
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

I hope she can keep it up. I know I couldn't, but we have 3 yr old twins ;-). My H and I have comprised and we're both satisfied with at least twice a week as it stands now. Good luck to y'all and I sincerely hope y'all can work through your other issues as well 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## trey69 (Dec 29, 2010)

Its probably a good thing too, to focus on the good qualities your wife has not so much on the bad ones and what she isn't doing for you.


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## mousecat (Nov 28, 2011)

Try wanking.


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

SecondTimesTheCharm said:


> ... over dinner I think we reached a compromise of sorts.


You found the right word - compromise.

The word compromise is an interesting one. It's definition is "an agreement or a settlement of a dispute that is reached by each side making concessions/by yielding something."

That means that BOTH of you need to be willing to work together and perhaps even let some things go for the greater good of your marriage.

Is it really about the number of times that you have sex? Or is it really about your wife being able to show you that she cares about you? And to your way of thinking caring means sex - and not just the mechnanical motions, but the emotions that are involved as well.

And, maybe your wife needs something more than the sex from you in order for her to feel like you care about her. Maybe she needs some of your emotions outside of sex in order to feel that.

Being able to compromise is wonderful. Being willing to explore and ponder what is important not just to you, but to your partner is even better. And being willing to give those things to your partner, no strings attached, is best of all.

I hope that you and your wife can grow stronger in your marital bonds and enjoy the journey along the way.

"_Chains do not hold a marriage together. It is threads, hundreds of tiny threads which sew people together through the years.” ~ Simone Signoret _

Best wishes.


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## Darkflower (Dec 2, 2011)

Jesus, this woman must really, really love you.

LovingW, you're a freaking saint in my book. There must be something truly amazing about this dude.


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## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

Lovebug501 said:


> I'm getting the picture that she wants a baby... and that sex for her is now only about getting a baby. [Please don't bring a baby into a marriage like this - it won't make it better, only worse... WAY less sex...]


My thoughts exactly. She measures his quantity, suddenly has to have him cum in her when she's fertile, makes a date for sex in the future (was that Saturday during her fertile time?)

The other option is that she's a control freak. She figures that if she doesn't have sex with him much she can subjugate him, but that only works if he does not meet his own needs.


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## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

LovingW said:


> All week I was clear on how exhausted I was and wanting to get to bed early. What kind of husband can't understand and respect their wife's feelings.......would it kill you if you did not ejaculate for 3 or 4 days??!!


By that length of time many guys will feel the lack and may even have nocturnal emissions. 

I really don't get this. If you don't want to have sex with me that's fine up to a point. But, why would you insist that I don't even pleasure myself? You are making the choices you feel are in your best interest (no sex) as am I. The fact that you would want me to forego sex with you and endure the urge seems perverse; I don't see what you would get out of it (other than I would finish really fast after several days, minimizing your effort).


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## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

Cherry said:


> I hope she can keep it up. I know I couldn't, but we have 3 yr old twins ;-). My H and I have comprised and we're both satisfied with at least twice a week as it stands now. Good luck to y'all and I sincerely hope y'all can work through your other issues as well


On this note, there is ALWAYS time for sex (or anything else) if it is high enough on the priority list. Except for physical separation, handicap, or serious disease, there simply is no good reason for not finding the time to have sex.

My take is that when somebody says they do not have time for sex, what it really means is that they do not see it as important enough to make time for. But, that person knows that saying "it is not important enough to me to make the effort" won't sit well with the spouse, so the refuser frames it as a "cannot" issue rather than a "will not" issue to avoid the fallout from being seen as willfully refusing sex.

Disclaimer: I went through an extended period of very difficult life circumstances a few years ago and still never failed to make time for my (now ex) wife and kids. So, when I say "you can make the time if you try hard enough" it's because I lived that out through my daily life for three years.


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## SecondTimesTheCharm (Dec 30, 2011)

DTO said:


> On this note, there is ALWAYS time for sex (or anything else) if it is high enough on the priority list. Except for physical separation, handicap, or serious disease, there simply is no good reason for not finding the time to have sex.


:iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree:


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

When the kids were young - all 3 of them - she started a heavy volunteer schedule. 

And I quickly sat her down and said: You can manage your schedule and commitments however you like. PROVIDED you don't create a situation where there isn't room in your schedule for an active sex life. Creating a schedule that prevents frequent sex, shows me to be a low priority and doesn't work for me. 

She didn't like that. Said I wasn't "supporting" her. I told her that if she was highly organized she could make it all work. Thing is she didn't want that level of structure in her schedule. And she made that clear without saying it directly. 

So I told her to choose: The marriage, or her volunteer work. 

She chose the marriage. I felt like I was getting squeezed out of the picture. It took about 5 years before she could look back and see my viewpoint. But she made the choice right then and there. Five years to get over feeling resentful.



DTO said:


> On this note, there is ALWAYS time for sex (or anything else) if it is high enough on the priority list. Except for physical separation, handicap, or serious disease, there simply is no good reason for not finding the time to have sex.
> 
> My take is that when somebody says they do not have time for sex, what it really means is that they do not see it as important enough to make time for. But, that person knows that saying "it is not important enough to me to make the effort" won't sit well with the spouse, so the refuser frames it as a "cannot" issue rather than a "will not" issue to avoid the fallout from being seen as willfully refusing sex.
> 
> Disclaimer: I went through an extended period of very difficult life circumstances a few years ago and still never failed to make time for my (now ex) wife and kids. So, when I say "you can make the time if you try hard enough" it's because I lived that out through my daily life for three years.


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## Havesomethingtosay (Nov 1, 2011)

Amazing...... These two deserve each other. Sorry to say that I was bothered by the OP and his expectations of sex. 

This goes way beyond sex and the need for a sexual release.


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