# My wife is having an online affair with a convicted child killer (and many other men)



## Betrayeduser (Apr 17, 2016)

My (36M) wife (27F) and I have been married for 5 years. We have a 3 year old son together and I have a son and daughter from a previous marriage. About 3 months ago, I noticed my wife beginning to act strangely. She started ignoring me, spending less time with the kids, spending excessive amounts of time on her phone, taking 1-2 hour showers every night, staying up until 1-2am every night, keeping her phone fingerprint locked, and keeping her phone on her at all times. She wan't interested in sex at all, which was odd because she is a very sexual person and our sex life was very healthy. She had been having some health issues around that time so I chalked it up to that. She came to me one day early in this process and said that she was really stressed out and needed a weekend to herself. She planned a trip to a cabin 3 hours away. At that point I knew something was up, so about 8 weeks ago, I started digging. 

Using an old phone of hers and thanks to Google Photos, I found nude photos of her, pics of another man, and screenshots of Kik messenger conversations with multiple men. I also found a secondary email of hers that had emails confirming usernames for Swiftchat, Snapchat, Voxer, and Skype. Overall, she has had explicit sexual conversations and exchanged nude photos/videos with over 15 different men on Snapchat, Swiftchat, and Kik. She has had sexual audio conversations on Voxer with 2 different men. She has had "video chat sex" on Skype with 2 other men. I have screenshots and proof of all of it. 

Out of all of these men, she has one "main guy" that she "loves." She confesses her love for him multiple times daily. She texts him day and night on Kik. They exchange masturbation pics and videos very often. Before her trip to the cabin, I confirmed that she had planned the trip to meet her main guy, but he had decided not to come because he didn't want to start their relationship that way. She went on the trip, got drunk, and did all of the above in a major way. As far as I can tell she didn't meet anyone at the cabin or at any other time. Since the trip, she has continued the same behavior. About a week ago, I setup a phone under our bed to do voice recording. My wife works part time, so she is at home with our son every afternoon by 1pm. I now have listened to 2 skype sessions with her main guy in which she says "I love you" multiple times and masturbates to climax (very loudly) while my son sleeps in the next room. It is soul crushing to listen to.

While she was on her trip, I figured out her main guy's last name. I searched his name and found out that he had just been released from prison in November. He was convicted and sentenced to 25 years in prison for killing his girlfriend's toddler son. He spent 2 years in jail until he won his appeal due to a juror issue and got a mistrial. He has a new trial in May. After she came back from her trip, I confronted my wife about her odd behavior and phone records indicating that she had called this man multiple times. She denied that anything was odd and that she had never talked to him. I told her what I found out about him. I said his name, showed her his mugshot, and showed her his criminal history. She didn't seem interested and said "why would I talk to someone who killed a child when I have a child?" Apparently she didn't know his background. For the next couple of days she searched the internet and viewed all of the websites concerning his case. I thought that would be the end of it. I was dead wrong. They now talk about their future life together- marriage, kids, happiness. She sends him pictures and videos daily of my son. My wife refers to her main guy as my son's "step-dad" and talks about how she can't wait for them to meet.

My wife has told many of her "men" that she is married to a jerk and that because I don't give her enough attention, she is looking for it elsewhere. She doesn't seem to think that what she is doing is "cheating" since she hasn't met any of them.

I consulted my lawyer (before I found out her main guy's criminal background) and he said that I could file for divorce and custody, but her behavior wouldn't play a big role in custody unless I could prove negligence.

Here is my question. How do I confront her? I have waited this long without giving away my knowledge so that I could gather as much information as possible for the potential divorce and custody battle. Do I give her one chance to confess and make things right and try to work things out? Do I tell her I know everything? Do I tell her that if she wants to go live with a child murderer, go ahead, but my son won't be going with her? What happens when/if she denies everything? Because of my children, I am willing to give her one chance to stop this behavior. If there were no children involved, I would have kicked her out on day 1.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Sorry, I just don't believe this stuff.

If it's true, you should have backed up all your evidence and immediately see a lawyer. That's the only person to help you
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## workindad (May 7, 2011)

Heck of a first post.

Find a new lawyer.
Get checked for STDs.
Protect your children, yourself and your assetts.

If the above is described accurately, you have no real marriage and your children are being exposed to a toxic environment. Fix that, ASAP.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

I think technically he is not a convicted child killer if he won an appeal or he had a mistrial. So he is an accused child killer.


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

I'm sure you're going to find out that she's already taken this sexually physical. When a woman is traveling for it, you know it's on. If not with main guy, someone's getting lucky. The fact that she's cut you off should be enough for you to know that she's being loyal to someone else. 

The amount of women STRONGLY attracted to criminals would blow your mind. This inmate that she's said she loves, could be telling her to not have sex with you and could be pimping her out to have sex with friends of his. The fact that she's ignoring her own 3 year old kid tells me she's really under somebody's spell. Is this something you want work to turn around?


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## Betrayeduser (Apr 17, 2016)

Evinrude58 said:


> Sorry, I just don't believe this stuff.
> 
> If it's true, you should have backed up all your evidence and immediately see a lawyer. That's the only person to help you
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I wish I were making all of this up, but sadly it is all true. I have all of my evidence backed up to the cloud and I have a meeting scheduled with my lawyer this week. I'm just getting all my ducks in a row before I drop this on her.


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## Betrayeduser (Apr 17, 2016)

jsmart said:


> I'm sure you're going to find out that she's already taken this sexually physical. When a woman is traveling for it, you know it's on. If not with main guy, someone's getting lucky. The fact that she's cut you off should be enough for you to know that she's being loyal to someone else.
> 
> The amount of women STRONGLY attracted to criminals would blow your mind. This inmate that she's said she loves, could be telling her to not have sex with you and could be pimping her out to have sex with friends of his. The fact that she's ignoring her own 3 year old kid tells me she's really under somebody's spell. Is this something you want work to turn around?


You're probably right. She may have met someone else at the cabin, but I haven't found any evidence of that in her text messages. I'm sure that she is "saving herself" physically for her main guy. She probably believes he is innocent and nothing I say is likely to change that.


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## Betrayeduser (Apr 17, 2016)

blueinbr said:


> I think technically he is not a convicted child killer if he won an appeal or he had a mistrial. So he is an accused child killer.


Point taken. Technically, in the eyes of the law, this guy is as pure as the driven snow. I think my wife is waiting for the results of the new trial before she pulls the trigger and actually leaves me.


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## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

you have more than enough to divorce her skanky ass and move on.

You better hurry and lower the hammer on her before this guy gets around your son.

She is only 27 and acting this way, tht is a sign to get out fast.

You wasted little time in seeing an attorney. Good stuff. Now finish the job and drop her off at your nearest state pen since that seems to be of interest to her right now. Tell her to get a job there and move away with your son and you and start a better life that you deserve


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

This is easy.

Take everything that you have to a good divorce attorney and file for divorce. Additionally, if it would benefit you at all in terms of child custody or securing better terms for yourself (little to no alimony, greater division of any asserts, etc), and the evidence that you have supports it, file citing infidelity.

Next, before you start dating again, fix your broken picker.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

This is not worth fighting for. All WWs put their affairs before their children's welfare but in this case, it is really blatant. Now that she's gotten the taste for bad boy, she'll never settle for a normal hard working man. 

It's time to get your ducks in a row so that you have full custody of your 3 year old son. You don't want your kid around as she goes through relationships with abusive bad boys. I've lost count of the amount of heart breaking stories I've read about or saw in the news here in South Florida of children killed or abused by the mothers bad boy boyfriend. So many times, the woman is actually covering for the POS.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

DIVORCE.

And petition for sole custody of your kids based off the evidence you and your lawyer gather.


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## G.J. (Nov 4, 2014)

.....


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

The OM is not pure as far as the law is concerned. He is accused of killing a child and is awaiting a new trial.

File for divorce and cite her intention to endanger your child by giving OM access to the child as an argument for sole custody.

Her "one chance" to stop was the first confrontation where she denied everything. No more chances.

Protect your children. This is a sick story and while I know that women will cheat for attention of other men, it is very rare that one would intentionally place a child in physical danger like you describe.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Lawyer up.

Also, inform the State Prosecutor who is overseeing his trial that he is contacting women with children whilst he is on bail.


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

Betrayeduser said:


> I wish I were making all of this up, but sadly it is all true.


You'd be a damn fool to stay. If you're on the level, ain't no going back to even a tolerable relationship. Clean up your environment by getting rid the toxic humans in your midst. They damage your nervous system, even to the point of making you think you have to have them.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

G.J. said:


> .....


:iagree:


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## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

TDSC60 said:


> The OM is not pure as far as the law is concerned. He is accused of killing a child and is awaiting a new trial.
> 
> File for divorce and cite her intention to endanger your child by giving OM access to the child as an argument for sole custody.
> 
> ...


 This ^, a thousand times this. If not for you( and it should be) definitely for the kid.


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## Vikings (Feb 3, 2016)

I totally believe you, this is nearly identical to my situation. Wife having is having internet affairs with multiple men on Skype and KIK, heck I found one of her secret Skype accounts and it begins LIVE:====== so it says LIVE then her name, like some kind of live sex show. I got her sessions not only on recording but video as well. 

After nearly two decades it turns out I never really knew my wife.


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## Be smart (Feb 22, 2015)

Sorry you are here my friend.

What you need to do,is to find yourself a good lawyer. Dont ask for money,loan it from the bank or some family member. You really need to protect your children and yourself. 

Your wife is gone from your Marriage,serial cheater and what is even worse she doesnt care about your only child. 

Lawyer,lawyer,lawyer.

Stay strong.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

By the way, it is highly unlikely that your wife is the only woman married with children he is communicating with.

Report him.


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## SoulCrushed16 (Feb 15, 2016)

Wow OP,
Your story is very hard to stomach. Many TAMsters here are parents and as a mother myself I'm very sickened with your wife's behavior. If you look under the dictionary at the word "hoe" I'm sure your wife's picture is there. True what they say, you can't make a hoe into a wife. I don't think you're going to be able to fix this one. 15 guys??? As far as you know... There could be even more than that. 

Everyone here is right, you can't look back now. In this case you should file for divorce and don't look back. It might be the best thing you can do for your child. Present your attorney with all of your proof including the mug shots of the OM... Do this for your son. The wife you knew is gone now. Look out for yourself and your son.

Good luck!!


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## SoulCrushed16 (Feb 15, 2016)

MattMatt said:


> By the way, it is highly unlikely that your wife is the only woman married with children he is communicating with.
> 
> Report him.


I agree! He has no business being involved with anyone women that have children! This guy is evil and you need to protect your son from him.


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

MattMatt said:


> Lawyer up.
> 
> Also, inform the State Prosecutor who is overseeing his trial that he is contacting women with children whilst he is on bail.


This!

He's probably under restrictions he could be violating
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## sidney2718 (Nov 2, 2013)

Betrayeduser said:


> I wish I were making all of this up, but sadly it is all true. I have all of my evidence backed up to the cloud and I have a meeting scheduled with my lawyer this week. I'm just getting all my ducks in a row before I drop this on her.


The need for evidence is to convince YOU of what is going on. You are the one who needs to be sure. If you aren't sure (I'm not talking about fear, I'm talking about fact) then you aren't ready to do anything.

You do know that you don't have to confront her. She knows what she's been doing. All you need do is file for divorce and make sure she gets served.

After that you'll hear plenty.


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## sidney2718 (Nov 2, 2013)

MattMatt said:


> Lawyer up.
> 
> Also, inform the State Prosecutor who is overseeing his trial that he is contacting women with children whilst he is on bail.


Excellent point!


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## Betrayeduser (Apr 17, 2016)

TDSC60 said:


> The OM is not pure as far as the law is concerned. He is accused of killing a child and is awaiting a new trial.
> 
> File for divorce and cite her intention to endanger your child by giving OM access to the child as an argument for sole custody.
> 
> ...


I will talk to my lawyer about how this guy's criminal background and upcoming trial have an impact on my case and how I can use it to protect my son. I'm not sure if I could get a retraining order against him or something. And you are totally right...I did give her a chance to confess. I'm sure if I gave her another chance she would deny everything again. I just thought it would help me during the fallout when someone asks what happened. I can just say "she had an affair, I gave her a chance to fix it, and she refused."


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## Betrayeduser (Apr 17, 2016)

MattMatt said:


> Lawyer up.
> 
> Also, inform the State Prosecutor who is overseeing his trial that he is contacting women with children whilst he is on bail.


I will talk to my lawyer about this. Great idea. I found that on his initial release on bond before the first trial, he was to have no contact with children. I can't find any information on his current release. Thanks!


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## Betrayeduser (Apr 17, 2016)

Vikings said:


> I totally believe you, this is nearly identical to my situation. Wife having is having internet affairs with multiple men on Skype and KIK, heck I found one of her secret Skype accounts and it begins LIVE:====== so it says LIVE then her name, like some kind of live sex show. I got her sessions not only on recording but video as well.
> 
> After nearly two decades it turns out I never really knew my wife.


Wow. I'm sorry about that. Sounds like we are in the same boat. How did you get the Skype session on video? Hidden camera?


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

Evinrude58 said:


> Sorry, I just don't believe this stuff.


Word.


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## Betrayeduser (Apr 17, 2016)

SoulCrushed16 said:


> Wow OP,
> Your story is very hard to stomach. Many TAMsters here are parents and as a mother myself I'm very sickened with your wife's behavior. If you look under the dictionary at the word "hoe" I'm sure your wife's picture is there. True what they say, you can't make a hoe into a wife. I don't think you're going to be able to fix this one. 15 guys??? As far as you know... There could be even more than that.
> 
> Everyone here is right, you can't look back now. In this case you should file for divorce and don't look back. It might be the best thing you can do for your child. Present your attorney with all of your proof including the mug shots of the OM... Do this for your son. The wife you knew is gone now. Look out for yourself and your son.
> ...


Ah yes, Dr. Dre the great philosopher has been proven correct. I intend to do exactly what you suggested. I have been thinking of trying to reconcile in order to maintain my current relationship with my son and control what happens in day to day life. I only see my other 2 children about 40% of the time and it has been really difficult, but I'm a better father because of it. I know that this will be hard also, but in the end, I think it is what's best for my son (assuming I get primary custody).


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

Betrayeduser said:


> Here is my question. How do I confront her? I have waited this long without giving away my knowledge so that I could gather as much information as possible for the potential divorce and custody battle. Do I give her one chance to confess and make things right and try to work things out? Do I tell her I know everything? Do I tell her that if she wants to go live with a child murderer, go ahead, but my son won't be going with her? What happens when/if she denies everything? Because of my children, I am willing to give her one chance to stop this behavior. If there were no children involved, I would have kicked her out on day 1.


Frankly, I'm not sure why you would consider R with this woman, but then again, people have told me the same thing.

I'd tell her that you know what she's been up to, you have all the evidence you need and that you will give her one opportunity to confess everything. If she denies, that's the end of the conversation. Don't threaten divorce, just start the process. Expose her to your family and her family. Separate your finances, separate her from your bedroom, and implement the 180 to detach from her. Don't speak to her again about it unless or until she tells you the truth.

If she confesses, take your time in deciding whether to R, based on her demonstrated remorse and your ability to live with what she's done. If she doesn't demonstrate remorse, your decision is easy; follow through with the D. 

Even if you think she is acting remorseful; don't commit to anything. Keep going with the D. Take your time. She needs to believe that you are likely leaving her.

Let us know how she reacts and we can help you understand what real remorse looks like.

Good luck.


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## Betrayeduser (Apr 17, 2016)

badmemory said:


> Frankly, I'm not sure why you would consider R with this woman, but then again, people have told me the same thing.
> 
> I'd tell her that you know what she's been up to, you have all the evidence you need and that you will give her one opportunity to confess everything. If she denies, that's the end of the conversation. Don't threaten divorce, just start the process. Expose her to your family and her family. Separate your finances, separate her from your bedroom, and implement the 180 to detach from her. Don't speak to her again about it unless or until she tells you the truth.
> 
> ...


Thanks for the great insight. The only reason I would consider R is for the children. Right now, she is dead to me. For any shot at R, she would have to 1. confess everything, 2. be truly remorseful, 3. not blame me for her actions, 4. give me total access to all things electronic going forward. I have a feeling that none of these things are going to happen when I confront her. Should I tell her I have all the evidence? If I do, she is likely to go underground and it would be difficult to track her behavior. 

What would true remorse look like to you?


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

Don't her you know anything or else you can forget about getting the information you need to prove any wrong doing on her part. You've already let the cat out of the bag by showing her the the information on OM. Plus, it's usually incredibly difficult to prove wrong doing by a woman, the courts see them as unable to do anything wrong. You will be stuck with granting her some sort of custody even though she is putting your son in danger. Get a divorce and let her have her convict OM.


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

DO NOT SHOW YOUR CARDS. That is for your attorney to do, strategically.

Divorce and sole custody. Supervised visitation only. Make sure you have multiple copies of any evidence you have in case she goes looking for it and destroys it. Videos, emails, phone records - everything.

Copy all bank records and put a freeze on your credit profile so she can't open up any new accounts. Close all joint credit cards. Open up an individual account and/or take half of the funds in a joint account and transfer. Stop any direct deposits into joint accounts. Do this swiftly and silently - i.e. no warning.

You don't want her to get vindictive and screw you over financially - which can be done pretty quickly! So get all of those things done before serving her.


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

Betrayeduser said:


> Should I tell her I have all the evidence? If I do, she is likely to go underground and it would be difficult to track her behavior.
> 
> What would true remorse look like to you?


You should tell her you have ample evidence. That's all.

It doesn't matter if she takes it underground if she won't confess or shows no remorse - because you're heading for divorce. No need to track her and there's no reason to worry about it.

As for as remorse? Better you describe her actions and reactions after confrontation. It's easier to tell what remorse is not, instead of what it is.


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## Herschel (Mar 27, 2016)

Don't do it for the kids. It teaches them a bad example (seriously, would you want your children to fake a relationship like this if it happened to them) and it ruins your life (man, we got one shot on this planet).

Seriously, don't do it for the kids. They will be mad at you for doing it when they are old enough to realize it.


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## Betrayeduser (Apr 17, 2016)

badmemory said:


> You should tell her you have ample evidence. That's all.
> 
> It doesn't matter if she takes it underground if she won't confess or shows no remorse - because you're heading for divorce. No need to track her and there's no reason to worry about it.
> 
> As for as remorse? Better you describe her actions and reactions after confrontation. It's easier to tell what remorse is not, instead of what it is.


Good points. The only reason I would want to continue to track her would be to have more evidence for a custody battle. I will post back here after the confrontation. She's a great liar, so it could be hard to tell if she is truly remorseful.


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## Betrayeduser (Apr 17, 2016)

jb02157 said:


> Don't her you know anything or else you can forget about getting the information you need to prove any wrong doing on her part. You've already let the cat out of the bag by showing her the the information on OM. Plus, it's usually incredibly difficult to prove wrong doing by a woman, the courts see them as unable to do anything wrong. You will be stuck with granting her some sort of custody even though she is putting your son in danger. Get a divorce and let her have her convict OM.


The courts in my state definitely favor the women, although they say the "tender years doctrine" was abolished a while back. I would probably have a good case for primary custody considering her behavior and potential child endangerment. I think all family court cases in my state have to go through mediation first, so I would have to weigh my options. Do I get as much as I can in mediation and settle for a little less than I want, or do I take it to court and risk getting nothing I want?


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## rzmpf (Mar 11, 2016)

Betrayeduser said:


> The courts in my state definitely favor the women, although they say the "tender years doctrine" was abolished a while back. I would probably have a good case for primary custody considering her behavior and potential child endangerment. I think all family court cases in my state have to go through mediation first, so I would have to weigh my options. Do I get as much as I can in mediation and settle for a little less than I want, or do I take it to court and risk getting nothing I want?


I guess that's something you should discuss with your lawyer.


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## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

Betrayeduser said:


> The courts in my state definitely favor the women, although they say the "tender years doctrine" was abolished a while back. I would probably have a good case for primary custody considering her behavior and potential child endangerment. I think all family court cases in my state have to go through mediation first, so I would have to weigh my options. Do I get as much as I can in mediation and settle for a little less than I want, or do I take it to court and risk getting nothing I want?


I hate when family courts become biased. And I have seen it often. Way too often.

Your case is different because she's given you the rope after hanging herself. You hold the cards


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## BobSimmons (Mar 2, 2013)

Betrayeduser said:


> Ah yes,* Dr. Dre the great philosopher has been proven correct.* I intend to do exactly what you suggested. I have been thinking of trying to reconcile in order to maintain my current relationship with my son and control what happens in day to day life. I only see my other 2 children about 40% of the time and it has been really difficult, but I'm a better father because of it. I know that this will be hard also, but in the end, I think it is what's best for my son (assuming I get primary custody).


The moment he jumped the shark...


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## dash74 (Jan 3, 2015)




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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

wmn1 said:


> I hate when family courts become biased. And I have seen it often. Way too often.
> 
> Your case is different because she's given you the rope after hanging herself. You hold the cards


Nope, she holds the cards because she's a woman. Men get nothing but a big stick jammed up their ass in divorce courts.


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## Betrayeduser (Apr 17, 2016)

jb02157 said:


> Nope, she holds the cards because she's a woman. Men get nothing but a big stick jammed up their ass in divorce courts.


What's your story? Did your spouse cheat on you and then get custody?


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## Be smart (Feb 22, 2015)

My friend please dont stay with her because of your son. It will only make things harder for him and you belive me.


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

Betrayeduser said:


> What's your story? Did your spouse cheat on you and then get custody?


I've seen divorce from so many different angles in my own family and friends. All these divorces have one thing in common, the man leaves without his family, his house and his money. The woman leaves with sole custody of the kids (no matter what the circustances of the divorce), the house, 70% of all the money and assets and paid life time expenses for the rest of her life. A lot of my friends had great jobs, lots of money and they had very gorgious wives. A year later they had no job, no money, no custody of the kids and no wife. They lived in disgusting apartments or motor homes because that all they could afford after the divorce. I've been married for 27 years and dream about getting out of my horrible marriage, but don't dare think about it after seeing all the divorces I have and the aftermath. I don't want to be another one of those men who had everything taken from them.


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

This is beyond just adultery. Your wife is going down a dangerous path that you have to do everything in your power to prevent your son from traveling on. It's critical that you gather the evidence and document her actions. The courts will not do the work for you or even be sympathetic to you. You should consult with a lawyer to get a plan of action.

As for your wife coming around and being remorseful and an open book. Highly unlikely. When a wife starts to noticeably neglect their kid, you know she's gone. Which is why you have to protect him. If she's under some criminal's spell and he tells her I would be with you but I can't be with a woman with another man's kid. Your son could be toast.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Keep copies of everything somewhere away from your home, in case she finds out you have it. Many cheaters will tear the house apart looking for the evidence.


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

jb02157 said:


> I've seen divorce from so many different angles in my own family and friends. All these divorces have one thing in common, the man leaves without his family, his house and his money. The woman leaves with sole custody of the kids (no matter what the circustances of the divorce), the house, 70% of all the money and assets and paid life time expenses for the rest of her life. A lot of my friends had great jobs, lots of money and they had very gorgious wives. A year later they had no job, no money, no custody of the kids and no wife. They lived in disgusting apartments or motor homes because that all they could afford after the divorce. I've been married for 27 years and dream about getting out of my horrible marriage, but don't dare think about it after seeing all the divorces I have and the aftermath. I don't want to be another one of those men who had everything taken from them.


I don't know what state/country you live in and that is unfortunate. Without knowing the exact circumstances, though, it's not helpful to the OP to be so negative. Every experience is unique. I'm sure my ex would say the same thing yet there was physical and verbal abuse. Well and he bankrupt us so I only got child support. But bitter people are everywhere and so are people playing victim. Either you live in a county that is so screwed up or those men you know didn't fight. I fought. (And how can a wife make the man lose his job?)

Those men likely didn't have the same sort of evidence the OP does. We can't compare. While we can certainly learn from each other, every single divorce and custody situation has some unique nuances.


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## Betrayeduser (Apr 17, 2016)

Just an update...

My wife has continued her behavior. I am still monitoring her and gathering as much evidence as I can. She has now joined a "local" chat room on Kik and has been talking to a couple of new men about meeting in the near future. She now has a third man that she does Skype video calls with. 

Here are a few quotes of hers recently: "I don't want to be here," "my husband is a d***," "my husband is an a**hole," "I'm married and I know I shouldn't be on Kik, but it's the only place I get attention," "I don't think I'll ever fall back in love with my husband," "my biggest fear is that he will take my son away from me," "I want custody and he can have visitation." 

And the one that almost made me blow my cover: to her main guy- "I can't wait to start our life together with 'our boy'...."


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Betrayeduser said:


> Just an update...
> 
> My wife has continued her behavior. I am still monitoring her and gathering as much evidence as I can. She has now joined a "local" chat room on Kik and has been talking to a couple of new men about meeting in the near future. She now has a third man that she does Skype video calls with.
> 
> ...


Have you established communication w/ a good divorce attorney yet?

If not, do so immediately. Once you do, give him/her everything that you have in terms of evidence and let him/her tell you whether or not you have enough to file citing infidelity.

If you do, file ASAP, and then continue to monitor up until the point that she's served w/ divorce papers.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

EnjoliWoman said:


> I don't know what state/country you live in and that is unfortunate. Without knowing the exact circumstances, though, it's not helpful to the OP to be so negative. Every experience is unique. I'm sure my ex would say the same thing yet there was physical and verbal abuse. Well and he bankrupt us so I only got child support. But bitter people are everywhere and so are people playing victim. Either you live in a county that is so screwed up or those men you know didn't fight. I fought. (And how can a wife make the man lose his job?)
> 
> Those men likely didn't have the same sort of evidence the OP does. We can't compare. While we can certainly learn from each other, every single divorce and custody situation has some unique nuances.


This is going on everyday as we speak in everysate of the US. Men are involved in divorces and required to pay child support and alimony to a certain schedule irregardless of what brought about the divorce. If you fight it, it doesn't do any good. As long as one spouse wants a divorce, it happens and usually men end up paying depending on how much their wife made. About the only thing you can negotiate on is martial property. For some, like me, you would have to pay 70% of everything to get divorced and it doesn't matter who did what. 

I think this is very applicable to the OP because I think he needs to know what he's in for should he decide to divorce. For some men, they can't get divorced because they simply could not live on what would be left after the divorce settlement. To be able to see your kids, it's required that you provide separate bedrooms for each child. For each of my friend's divorces, the divorce settlement made this impossible (they could not afford a three bedroom apartment), so they never were able to see there children for more than a couple hours at a time. This is not being bitter. This is merely exchanging information. Most men don't know they will be hit with this in a divorce. I certainly didn't know it and the only thing that saved me was when one of my friends showed me the details of how much he was left with after his divorce. He was living at below the poverty line. 

As for a wife making a man lose his job, perhaps I need to clarify that. For each of my three buddies I was referring to, their wives filed for divorce right after giving birth. It hurt them so bad and they have to take so much time off of work because of the divorce, they all got fired.


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## Betrayeduser (Apr 17, 2016)

GusPolinski said:


> Have you established communication w/ a good divorce attorney yet?
> 
> If not, do so immediately. Once you do, give him/her everything that you have in terms of evidence and let him/her tell you whether or not you have enough to file citing infidelity.
> 
> ...


Yes, I had a consultation with my attorney from my previous divorce. That was before I knew about her main guy's criminal background. I have another appointment approaching. In my state, you have to prove inclination and opportunity to commit adultery. I believe I have enough proof for both. Also, adultery would preclude her from receiving alimony. Best case scenario is I get primary custody and she gets visitation. I could see her trying to negotiate in mediation to get 50/50 joint custody.


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## Betrayeduser (Apr 17, 2016)

EnjoliWoman said:


> DO NOT SHOW YOUR CARDS. That is for your attorney to do, strategically.
> 
> Divorce and sole custody. Supervised visitation only. Make sure you have multiple copies of any evidence you have in case she goes looking for it and destroys it. Videos, emails, phone records - everything.
> 
> ...


Great advice. Once I meet with my attorney, I will probably begin the process that you described. All of my evidence is stored on the cloud, but I also need to back it up to a USB drive or something.


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

@jb02157 I'm sure it does happen throughout the US. But each state, each judge, each judicial district is different. If they got 70% that's crazy - 50% should be the norm. I've never heard a bedroom for each child rule. Ever. Maybe that's your state; it isn't mine. So let's not generalize when we don't know what his state's laws are. 

My advice is to see an attorney to find out his rights, cover his butt as it relates to finances and document everything she's doing. I think he has a pretty good shot at custody. What he CAN do even if custody is 50/50 is have a morals clause written in that she cannot have men stay overnight while the child is in her care and she cannot introduce the child to any male who has a criminal history (including arrests vs. conviction) of drugs, sex abuse or physical abuse.


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

Betrayeduser said:


> Yes, I had a consultation with my attorney from my previous divorce. That was before I knew about her main guy's criminal background. I have another appointment approaching. In my state, you have to prove inclination and opportunity to commit adultery. I believe I have enough proof for both. Also, adultery would preclude her from receiving alimony. Best case scenario is I get primary custody and she gets visitation. I could see her trying to negotiate in mediation to get 50/50 joint custody.


That is great that you are in a state that acknowledges adultery. It can impact equitable distribution - equitable can be 80/20 or 50/50, depending on what the judge deems fair. Her behavior is atrocious. A male judge in particular might be pretty stern about this. Follow your attorney's lead. You may want/need to stay long enough to let her cheat. A PI can get opportunity - you already have inclination.


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## Betrayeduser (Apr 17, 2016)

EnjoliWoman said:


> That is great that you are in a state that acknowledges adultery. It can impact equitable distribution - equitable can be 80/20 or 50/50, depending on what the judge deems fair. Her behavior is atrocious. A male judge in particular might be pretty stern about this. Follow your attorney's lead. You may want/need to stay long enough to let her cheat. A PI can get opportunity - you already have inclination.


The "opportunity" part is tricky. She had the opportunity to meet someone when she took her solo trip to the cabin 3 hours away in the same state as her main guy. Based on text messages, it doesn't appear she met anyone there, but she could have and may have. I'm guessing I would have to prove in some way that she indeed met someone somewhere and had the privacy and time to have relations. She definitely has and has had intent and inclination.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Betrayeduser said:


> Yes, I had a consultation with my attorney from my previous divorce. That was before I knew about her main guy's criminal background. I have another appointment approaching. In my state, you have to prove inclination and opportunity to commit adultery. I believe I have enough proof for both. Also, adultery would preclude her from receiving alimony. Best case scenario is I get primary custody and she gets visitation. I could see her trying to negotiate in mediation to get 50/50 joint custody.


Given her choice of paramour, you should push for as just as much as you can get in terms of custody.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## QuietSoul (Feb 11, 2012)

I am so sorry you are in this situation. I am also sorry you have a child together who will not understand the whys of what is about to happen.

Your wife sounds like she is under a spell.

If I were in your position, my no 1 concern would be the safety of your child. Her sending this child killer pics of your child is chilling, and so is the fact that she is comtinuing and intensifying the relationship. 

Definitely talk to your lawyer about a this before you male any kind of move. I would personally not cone 100% clean with your W because she will then know how you tracked her and will change passwords etc. Maybe give away one or two things that are not giving you away but are enough to be indisputable. But before you do, ask her the questions first before you reveal anything.


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

EnjoliWoman said:


> @jb02157 I'm sure it does happen throughout the US. But each state, each judge, each judicial district is different. If they got 70% that's crazy - 50% should be the norm. I've never heard a bedroom for each child rule. Ever. Maybe that's your state; it isn't mine. So let's not generalize when we don't know what his state's laws are.
> 
> My advice is to see an attorney to find out his rights, cover his butt as it relates to finances and document everything she's doing. I think he has a pretty good shot at custody. What he CAN do even if custody is 50/50 is have a morals clause written in that she cannot have men stay overnight while the child is in her care and she cannot introduce the child to any male who has a criminal history (including arrests vs. conviction) of drugs, sex abuse or physical abuse.


Yes, let's not generalize. Just because you haven't heard that happening doesn't mean it doesn't exist. I can assure you that 60 to 70% IS the norm. If you only got 50% that's way less than the norm. As far as custody goes the main rule of thumb I've heard is if you have breasts, you get custody. I've really never have heard of a case where custody is awarded to a male.


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

Betrayeduser said:


> The "opportunity" part is tricky. She had the opportunity to meet someone when she took her solo trip to the cabin 3 hours away in the same state as her main guy. Based on text messages, it doesn't appear she met anyone there, but she could have and may have. I'm guessing I would have to prove in some way that she indeed met someone somewhere and had the privacy and time to have relations. She definitely has and has had intent and inclination.


Inclination is any evidence showing the relationship is more than friendly or professional (check!)
Opportunity is proof they are alone together - usually for at least an hour. If you can show they stayed at the same place overnight, you have what you need. Sometimes you only need a car parked in a secluded place for a long time. PI can really help with this.

Maybe you should suggest that you've been thinking that she just needs some time to think and you're going to take your son to the zoo for the day (or even on an overnight guys only trip or with another dad/kid). Be very benign. No suspicion. Give her the time she needs to commit adultery. Hire a PI and tell them when you are leaving and have them set up surveillance on her.


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

jb02157 said:


> Yes, let's not generalize. Just because you haven't heard that happening doesn't mean it doesn't exist. I can assure you that 60 to 70% IS the norm. If you only got 50% that's way less than the norm. As far as custody goes the main rule of thumb I've heard is if you have breasts, you get custody. I've really never have heard of a case where custody is awarded to a male.


I'm NOT generalizing. My state is 50/50. Unless you have a good reason it should be different. I'm saying let's not assume because his state might have a different policy than yours. You REALLY sound bitter. I wonder how ALL of your friends could get screwed unless you all live in a town where the judge prefers women as the traditional caretaker or if the guys you know deserved it. I won't reply again because I'm not going to threadjack. 

It's one thing to caution him, but you are only preaching gloom and doom. Should he stay with a woman who wants to screw a bunch of men and introduce his child to felons? Of course not. So encourage him to do the best he can with the situation at hand: lawyer up, document everything, assume nothing, CYA.


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## Betrayeduser (Apr 17, 2016)

EnjoliWoman said:


> That is great that you are in a state that acknowledges adultery. It can impact equitable distribution - equitable can be 80/20 or 50/50, depending on what the judge deems fair. Her behavior is atrocious. A male judge in particular might be pretty stern about this. Follow your attorney's lead. You may want/need to stay long enough to let her cheat. A PI can get opportunity - you already have inclination.


The staying long enough to let her cheat is what is physically/mentally exhausting me. I've been actively monitoring her activities and uploading everything for about 8 weeks now. In the last week I started the voice recordings and those are difficult to listen to. I have everything I need to proceed except for proof of her physically cheating (I would consider what she is doing on Skype video calls to be physically cheating). She has told a couple of her new local men that she could probably get away once school is out (5 weeks from now). I'm not sure I can last that long.


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## SoulCrushed16 (Feb 15, 2016)

Betrayeduser said:


> Just an update...
> 
> My wife has continued her behavior. I am still monitoring her and gathering as much evidence as I can. She has now joined a "local" chat room on Kik and has been talking to a couple of new men about meeting in the near future. She now has a third man that she does Skype video calls with.
> 
> ...


This is just sad. Expect nothing less from a person who lacks morals, values, and integrity. 
Did she go through any childhood traumas that you know of? I'm in no way condoning her behavior but maybe she seeks "love" and "intimacy" this way. A lot of people with sexual and physical abuse issues do. This is very dangerous behavior for your son. She may love him but she's very unstable and is making very poor decisions.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

I though this was an eye-opening article that sheds a bit of light on women who give up everything to be with convicted murderers and criminals. 

The women who fall in love with jailed killers | New York Post


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

bandit.45 said:


> I though this was an eye-opening article that sheds a bit of light on women who give up everything to be with convicted murderers and criminals.
> 
> The women who fall in love with jailed killers | New York Post


_Tammi Ruth Saccoman was nine years older than the groom.

The wedding took place in a prison waiting room and the wedding cake was a chocolate bar from a machine.

But the new Mrs. Erik Menendez said it “was a wonderful ceremony” *followed by a “very lonely night”.*
_

TMML


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## Be smart (Feb 22, 2015)

My friend you really need to protect your son and yourself. This woman is crazy.
I hope your other children are not in contact with her. 

If you are good friends with your ex-wife you can talk with her,maybe she can help you in some way because you have daughter and son together. 

She knows what she is doing and she is doing it in front of you. No respect and no love. You really need to talk with your lawyer and see your options before it is to late. 

Trust me my friend-she is going to start talking about you and how you abuse her and your son. 

Stay strong.


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

Betrayeduser said:


> The "opportunity" part is tricky. She had the opportunity to meet someone when she took her solo trip to the cabin 3 hours away in the same state as her main guy. Based on text messages, it doesn't appear she met anyone there, but she could have and may have. I'm guessing I would have to prove in some way that she indeed met someone somewhere and had the privacy and time to have relations. She definitely has and has had intent and inclination.


Opportunity simply means she COULD have. She was alone, no one around, she could have done anything including scr*wing half the males in the county. That is opportunity. You have it. You do not have to prove that she did it. You don't even have to prove that her main guy was in the area at the time.

Talk to the lawyer. Let him/her know about her time alone.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

I'd do whatever I had to do in order to get her for adultery and leave her with as little as I could. I would do whatever was required to get FULL custody. As in keeping a journal of time spent with son and her time spent cyber sexting.
This woman is not under a spell. She is just a lowlife person.
People like that enjoy doing things that make them feel good at other's expense. I hope you hold out for evidence of adultery. She deserves nothing but a foot in the arse on the way out the door.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Evinrude58 said:


> I'd do whatever I had to do in order to get her for adultery and leave her with as little as I could. I would do whatever was required to get FULL custody. As in keeping a journal of time spent with son and her time spent cyber sexting.
> This woman is not under a spell. * She is just a lowlife person.*
> People like that enjoy doing things that make them feel good at other's expense. I hope you hold out for evidence of adultery. She deserves nothing but a foot in the arse on the way out the door.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:iagree::iagree::iagree:

Scum attracts scum.


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## GTdad (Aug 15, 2011)

You know, this seems like total bullsh*t, having to hang in there and putting on a happy face while you're waiting for proof that your alleged wife is actually screwing one or more of these pieces of crap.

Have you showed your attorney what you have so far, and did he actually say you needed more to prove up adultery?


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## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

don't wait. File. You have enough. Stop torturing yourself


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## SoulCrushed16 (Feb 15, 2016)

wmn1 said:


> don't wait. File. You have enough. Stop torturing yourself


I agree. You may never catch her in the act. She has already hung herself.


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

Betrayed,

Don't go down the path of setting up an outing with your child to give her time to prove a physical affair. 

That shat will destroy you. Mentally, like you couldn't imagine. 

I think, in my opinion, you have enough evidence you need. I'm not really sure if a "smoking gun" is going to help. I think you already have the forensic evidence of shots fired. 

Get off the Hamster wheel in your head, trying to find more evidence, or set up a "smoking gun" scenario. Any more evidence or justification your spinning your wheels over won't matter, in my opinion. 

Just remember to sleep. Eat. Breath. And focus. 

Try to be healthy and functional in this shat storm your dealing with.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## syhoybenden (Feb 21, 2013)

Please keep your eyes on the prize. Do not gamble with your child's well-being.


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## Betrayeduser (Apr 17, 2016)

SoulCrushed16 said:


> This is just sad. Expect nothing less from a person who lacks morals, values, and integrity.
> Did she go through any childhood traumas that you know of? I'm in no way condoning her behavior but maybe she seeks "love" and "intimacy" this way. A lot of people with sexual and physical abuse issues do. This is very dangerous behavior for your son. She may love him but she's very unstable and is making very poor decisions.


She didn't have any traumas as a child or adult that I know of. She is a VERY sexual person and shared that part of her with me up until 3 months ago when she cut me off. My wife does love my son. When she is on her game, nobody can touch her as far as being a good mom. But nowadays, she has other priorities and it shows.


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## Betrayeduser (Apr 17, 2016)

GTdad said:


> You know, this seems like total bullsh*t, having to hang in there and putting on a happy face while you're waiting for proof that your alleged wife is actually screwing one or more of these pieces of crap.
> 
> Have you showed your attorney what you have so far, and did he actually say you needed more to prove up adultery?


I have only had an initial consultation. I didn't show him what I had. We just had a general discussion about my options. This was before I found out about her main guy's background. I have another appointment scheduled. I'm hoping I have everything I need to file and have her move out. I don't think I can knowingly just let her meet one of these guys while she is still living with me.


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## Betrayeduser (Apr 17, 2016)

alphaomega said:


> Betrayed,
> 
> Don't go down the path of setting up an outing with your child to give her time to prove a physical affair.
> 
> ...


Yeah, it's tough to stay healthy while doing what I'm doing. I hope I have enough to file and have her move out. I'm not sure how much longer I can keep this up. I don't think I can knowingly let her meet one of these guys just to have a PI follow her. If that's what my lawyer tells me has to happen, then so be it, but it will be incredibly difficult.


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## GTdad (Aug 15, 2011)

When is your next appointment?


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## QuietSoul (Feb 11, 2012)

You may want to get a PI to check out the child killer's general background. Even with the allegation up in the air, a PI's discoveries could bring up some really concerning things. The main purpose of this would be to build a case of why you should have sole custody. Your W has already alluded to taking your son to live with OM and calling your son "our boy" to him, so there is clear intention there of what she has in mind for him. If you can get something solid on OM, you could have the custody thing in the bag. 

Also, you mentioned she is planning to make her move in 5 weeks after school or something. Do you mean that she is going to basically do a runner and take your son? If so, watch him like a hawk and don't let him out of your sight, especially with her


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## Betrayeduser (Apr 17, 2016)

QuietSoul said:


> You may want to get a PI to check out the child killer's general background. Even with the allegation up in the air, a PI's discoveries could bring up some really concerning things. The main purpose of this would be to build a case of why you should have sole custody. Your W has already alluded to taking your son to live with OM and calling your son "our boy" to him, so there is clear intention there of what she has in mind for him. If you can get something solid on OM, you could have the custody thing in the bag.
> 
> Also, you mentioned she is planning to make her move in 5 weeks after school or something. Do you mean that she is going to basically do a runner and take your son? If so, watch him like a hawk and don't let him out of your sight, especially with her


Good point on the PI. The PI could uncover other things beyond the child murder issue. My voice recording from yesterday was the first time I could audibly hear her main guy's voice. And let me tell you....this guy is dumb. There is no telling what would show up on a background check. 

She was talking to a couple of new local guys about meeting up when school is out because she would have more time to get away. She doesn't have a timeline with her main guy yet because she is waiting to see if he goes back to jail..... His first hearing is a couple of weeks from now. There is no telling how long a murder trial like that could take.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

See if you can get a transcript of his first murder trial. Does her parents know what she is doing?


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## Betrayeduser (Apr 17, 2016)

Chaparral said:


> See if you can get a transcript of his first murder trial. Does her parents know what she is doing?


Nobody knows what she is doing except for me, her, and a friend of mine who doesn't know my wife. To this point, I have kept quiet in case we reconcile. Once I confront her, everyone will know the truth.


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## Betrayeduser (Apr 17, 2016)

GTdad said:


> When is your next appointment?


Monday morning


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Betrayeduser said:


> Nobody knows what she is doing except for me, her, and a friend of mine who doesn't know my wife. To this point, I have kept quiet in case we reconcile. Once I confront her, everyone will know the truth.


The best way to break up an affair is to expose it to her family and friends.

I have no idea why you would want to though.

Get the trial transcript and see what he did.


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## Kivlor (Oct 27, 2015)

Betrayeduser said:


> Nobody knows what she is doing except for me, her, and a friend of mine who doesn't know my wife. To this point, I have kept quiet in case we reconcile. Once I confront her, everyone will know the truth.


If you want to end the affair, you need to expose this to her parents, siblings, and perhaps her closest friends. Sometimes it's best to only expose to a couple of people, but I wouldn't do that here. I'd get with her closest friends, her parents, and her siblings. Bring copies of the evidence when you do. Don't tell them where you're keeping other copies, don't tell them you're filing D. Ask them to help you get your W to stop seeing this guy.

Exposure will help you end this for your son, which would be my primary concern in your shoes. Also, Exposure will prevent your WW from turning this all around and blaming it on you.

When you expose, start with her parents, then siblings, then best friends, in that order IMO. Do it fast and all at once, because they will start calling each other, and you want everyone to hear it from you, not her. She will make you out to be a monster if you let her.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

@QuietSoul said:
Your wife sounds like she is under a spell.
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Wow, you don't hear that phrase much nowadays. Follow up with the Oz Abors bone ritual to rid her of the underlying curse.

I see her behavior as "possibly" Bi-Polar or BPD. Diagnosis is determined by checking off the boxes of symptoms. Bi-Polar can be treated with antipsychotic medicine: BPD, not so much.
Getting her to see a shrink may be impossible, but certainly worth it.

This is the only road out of Hades, save the Divorce road that drives you off the cliff.

After strapping on a ram-air parachute I would do the latter. Sanity trumps gelt, shekels, moola, bucks, pounds, euros, yen....etal, etc.


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## QuietSoul (Feb 11, 2012)

SunCMars said:


> @QuietSoul said:
> Your wife sounds like she is under a spell.
> ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
> 
> ...


Do you mean the pointing the bone ritual? Nah, that kills people.

Re mental illness, I (and H) have bipolar, and i have a fair understanding of mental illness generally. Even though neither of us have done what the OP's WW is doing, my illness has posed vulnerabity for me in the past (I was tempted to cheat 2 years ago but fortunately didn't) and I can understand how some are affected in a promiscuous and risk-taking kind of way. 

BPD is definitely something on the cards here with the risk taking. When I said "under a spell", I was echoing the OP and agreeing with that, as it sounds like she is drawn in and seduced and in such a fog that she is not thinking or caring about others she is hurting or putting at risk. This can indeed be a part of mental illness. The highs of bipolar are sometimes described as being seductive. 

Right now, the absolute no 1 priority is the child. Whether WW is ill or not, the fact is that she is neglecting her son, engaging in high risk behaviour generally, and with a man who would pose a serious threat to her child's safety, and talking about absconding with her son to live with the child killer to be a step dad and sending him pictures of her child. I know I am repeating old info here, but just making the point that whether or not she is in her right mind, whether or not she can come back from this, her behavior has put and is putting her son's safety at risk. I hope she gets intervention and quickly, if mental illness is at least part of the problem, but regardless, her son needs to be kept safe.


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

Betrayeduser said:


> She didn't have any traumas as a child or adult that I know of. She is a VERY sexual person and shared that part of her with me up until 3 months ago when she cut me off. My wife does love my son. When she is on her game, nobody can touch her as far as being a good mom. But nowadays, she has other priorities and it shows.


WWs cut husband off to remain loyal to her new man. If he's still in jail, he could be pimping her out. 

She does sound like a woman under his spell. For her to completely change with her family is not normal. Most waywards change their behavior but this is extreme.

Time to put her sh!t in garbage bags and leave it at the curb. Change the locks, and cut all credit cards, remove half the money in bank, and change your direct deposit to a new account. Prepare to move. You can't have your kids around a woman putting a convict's needs ahead of her 3 year old.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Tell your Lawyer to also run the OM's name through the sex offender databases.


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## Betrayeduser (Apr 17, 2016)

Great replies everyone. Thanks! My number one priority is my son. At this point my marriage is toast, so here's my question. To protect my son, I need her relationship with her main guy to end. Many have said to use exposure. I'm not sure that would work for her although it needs to happen anyway. What if I just login to kik with a fake account and send her main guy screenshots of all of the other dudes that she's been sexting? She would know it was me, but at least I would have a shot at ending her relationship with him. I'm sure she would just move on to the next guy on her list, but hopefully none of her other guys are criminals.


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

Betrayeduser said:


> Nobody knows what she is doing except for me, her, and a friend of mine who doesn't know my wife. To this point, I have kept quiet in case we reconcile. Once I confront her, everyone will know the truth.



Reconcile?????? With her making plans to meet with three different guys one of them facing a murder trial for killing a child and you think that can be overlooked?

WOW!


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

Betrayeduser said:


> Great replies everyone. Thanks! My number one priority is my son. At this point my marriage is toast, so here's my question. To protect my son, I need her relationship with her main guy to end. Many have said to use exposure. I'm not sure that would work for her although it needs to happen anyway. What if I just login to kik with a fake account and send her main guy screenshots of all of the other dudes that she's been sexting? She would know it was me, but at least I would have a shot at ending her relationship with him. I'm sure she would just move on to the next guy on her list, but hopefully none of her other guys are criminals.


Talk to your lawyer about keeping this guy away from your son. You don't need to try to trick him into anything. Get advice from you lawyer. You might be able to get a Retraining Order against him as far as your son is concerned.


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

Betrayeduser said:


> Great replies everyone. Thanks! My number one priority is my son. At this point my marriage is toast, so here's my question. To protect my son, I need her relationship with her main guy to end. Many have said to use exposure. I'm not sure that would work for her although it needs to happen anyway. What if I just login to kik with a fake account and send her main guy screenshots of all of the other dudes that she's been sexting? She would know it was me, but at least I would have a shot at ending her relationship with him. I'm sure she would just move on to the next guy on her list, but hopefully none of her other guys are criminals.


Yes, she needs to be exposed. But if you're sure you're going the divorce route, the timing needs to be considered. By delaying it; it could be used as a bargaining chip for you in the D proceedings. Talk to your attorney about that and what you can do to protect your son.

And if I were you, I'd stay away from sending anything to her boyfriends. Again, because you want to stay away from that drama heading into a divorce. It could be used against you. 

You have the advantage of being able to think and act strategically if you know you're not going to R. And I hope that's what you're thinking.


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## Be smart (Feb 22, 2015)

I dont want to be rude but you are wasting your time my friend.

You keep saying that you are worried about your son,but you do nothing about it. Go and talk with lawyer. You just sit there and let your wife walk all over you.

If I was in your shoes I would be in my lawyers office the next day. She would be my ex first time I saw those messages and thrash talk. If you dont have a money loan it from the bank,family,ex-wife...

You are still thinking about R and I feel sorry for you. In some way you are Affraid of your wife. How can you want to be with her after she chased all of this man and still chasing them??? She cares so little about you and your feelings,puting her own son in a dangerous position. 

Start some hard working my friend.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Don't worry about whether or not exposure will stop your WW's behavior. It won't. You've lost her my friend. You need to expose her, get custody of your kids and put her in the rear view. 

She's a ho. I'm sorry brother, but that is just the simple truth.


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## QuietSoul (Feb 11, 2012)

Betrayeduser said:


> At this point my marriage is toast, so here's my question. To protect my son, I need her relationship with her main guy to end. Many have said to use exposure. I'm not sure that would work for her although it needs to happen anyway. What if I just login to kik with a fake account and send her main guy screenshots of all of the other dudes that she's been sexting? She would know it was me, but at least I would have a shot at ending her relationship with him. I'm sure she would just move on to the next guy on her list, but hopefully none of her other guys are criminals.


To protect your son, best thing you could do is talk to your lawyer (and most likely a PI) to build the strongest case possible for custody. Your WW is clearly unstable and cannot be trusted to make good judgments or to not out your son at risk. Even if you made it knowm to her, in whatever way, that you know about what is going on, she will pay lip service and appear to straighten up, but the truth is, she could still be secretly devising plans to continue her relationship with the main man. Ultimately, you have no control on her relationship choices. She is pretty far gone with this whole double life thing. Watch your own back and keep your son safe by getting custody. And please let us know how you go with your lawyer on Monday


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## QuietSoul (Feb 11, 2012)

Exposure could potentially achieve some things. People tend to snap out if it when their fantasy world collides with the reality of people in their real world knowing and having to face social consequences. Her parents and close friends, I imagine, would want to reason with her and try yo get her so e help. That could give you some reassurance knowing that she MAY come to her senses enough to be a fit mother again, which despite all, would be a better outcome for your son. 

But definitely talk to the lawyer before making any kind of move. You want to know if enough evidence has been gathered to build your case for custody.


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## Betrayeduser (Apr 17, 2016)

I had another meeting with my lawyer today. I showed him the evidence I have and told him about the main guy's criminal history. His advice was that I need to hold out for her to actually meet one of these guys and have a PI follow her. He thinks it will help my custody case and will legally bar her from alimony. In my state, what I have is not enough to file based on adultery. I could probably use what I have to help my case in a temporary custody hearing. As far as her main guy goes, my lawyer said I could get a restraining order against him. 

Meanwhile, my wife has been in some local Kik chat rooms and has started sexting men that live within an hour of us. She has started skype calling one of the men (older than me, married with kids). They are planning a meeting at some point in the summer. There is another guy that lives within 15min of us that she has talked about meeting in a gas station parking lot. Needless to say, she is going to meet somebody and it is going to happen soon. I'm going to contact a PI to get that process started. 

Does anyone have experience with voice recordings? Are those admissible in court? I have an old phone I've been using to get audio recordings, but she obviously doesn't know she's being recorded.

I hope this ends soon. I am mentally and physically exhausted from trying to act like everything is normal while trying to collect all the evidence I can. Thanks for the support.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Gas station parking lot huh?

Class.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## TaDor (Dec 20, 2015)

Also, what are you using as a recording device? A phone or a proper VAR? 

Since she's talking about being with a child-killer, there should be ZERO chance for R. Protect the kid.

Also, make it easier for her to see some of these guys, like say "Honey - I'm going to see my parents in 2 days, I'll take Jr. with me" - something that gives her 4~24 hours to do her thing. And schedule it on her day off, or for plenty of time after work. have a VAR / whatever ready before you tell her this... so that way you'll have info to give to the PI to follow her.


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

Wow, talk about trash. With her meeting so many men, I wonder if she's "working." Does she seem like she's flushed with cash? 

It's really sad for a woman to act like that. Sexting with multiple men. Talk about meeting strangers at a gas station. This is a woman with a 3 year old at home. Very sad.


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## Betrayeduser (Apr 17, 2016)

TaDor said:


> Also, what are you using as a recording device? A phone or a proper VAR?
> 
> Since she's talking about being with a child-killer, there should be ZERO chance for R. Protect the kid.
> 
> Also, make it easier for her to see some of these guys, like say "Honey - I'm going to see my parents in 2 days, I'll take Jr. with me" - something that gives her 4~24 hours to do her thing. And schedule it on her day off, or for plenty of time after work. have a VAR / whatever ready before you tell her this... so that way you'll have info to give to the PI to follow her.


I'm using an old iPhone. It will record for at least 24 hours and still have 50% charge. The recordings have a good bit of static, but if she is in the same room as the phone, her voice is loud and clear. Do you have any idea if these recordings are admissible in court or is it just for my benefit to know what's going on when I'm not at home? 

I love your idea about taking my son on a trip. I think I might at least plant the seed and see what kind of plans she begins to make with these guys.


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

Betrayeduser said:


> Do you have any idea if these recordings are admissible in court or is it just for my benefit to know what's going on when I'm not at home?


Even if your state requires only one party to give permission to secretly record a conversation; you won't be there. So no, I'm sure you couldn't use it in court.


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## wilson (Nov 5, 2012)

Betrayeduser said:


> Do you have any idea if these recordings are admissible in court or is it just for my benefit to know what's going on when I'm not at home?


It's extremely likely that the recordings are not admissible. Furthermore, you're likely technically illegally making these recordings. At best, you'd need one of the parties knowing they are being recorded. Some states will require that all parties know they're being recording. But it's most likely illegal to secretly record conversations you're not a part of. You should tell no one about these recordings other than your own lawyer. 

You're taking a huge chance counting on the PI to catch her in the act. We've had many threads where the PI missed them or wasn't able to get definitive proof. But I can understand wanting to do that because of the alimony. So realize it may take a while and several hookups before you get the definitive proof you need.


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

Betrayeduser said:


> His advice was that I need to hold out for her to actually meet one of these guys and have a PI follow her. He thinks it will help my custody case and will legally bar her from alimony.


Hire a male escort to meet her with a PI waiting. You manage the action without spinning the bottle for opportunity. I think my former handler is still in the business but she's getting a little long in the tooth. If so, she's networked in other towns and may be able to connect you with the proper people to line it up.


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

Your best shot at this is to continue monitoring.

Ask the lawyer exactly what proof you need to confirm adultery. Pictures of them making out in a car in a parking lot? Entering a motel room together? What exactly is considered proof in court?

When they set up a meeting call the PI and have them there camera in hand. PI reports can be considered evidence in some states. Again - ask the lawyer.


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## Betrayeduser (Apr 17, 2016)

wilson said:


> It's extremely likely that the recordings are not admissible. Furthermore, you're likely technically illegally making these recordings. At best, you'd need one of the parties knowing they are being recorded. Some states will require that all parties know they're being recording. But it's most likely illegal to secretly record conversations you're not a part of. You should tell no one about these recordings other than your own lawyer.
> 
> You're taking a huge chance counting on the PI to catch her in the act. We've had many threads where the PI missed them or wasn't able to get definitive proof. But I can understand wanting to do that because of the alimony. So realize it may take a while and several hookups before you get the definitive proof you need.


That's what I figured with the voice recordings. I have listened to enough Skype sessions to know what's going on while I'm not at home. 

In my state, to prove adultery, I have to have a third party witness a meeting between my wife and one of these guys in a private place and for enough time for a physical encounter to take place. I think a PI my best option for this. Since I have access to her Kik conversations and GPS, I hope to be able to get this done without too many problems.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

In a civil case, unauthorized recordings are not admissible as evidence anyway, so why would you worry? Why would you even try to submit them? 

You should not even tip your hand that you made such recordings. Recordings are there for verification of the affair FOR YOU only. And to help you maneuver around what your WS is planning to do. That is it.


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## wilson (Nov 5, 2012)

bandit.45 said:


> In a civil case, unauthorized recordings are not admissible as evidence anyway, so why would you worry? Why would you even try to submit them?


He mentioned that adultery may bar her from claiming alimony. If he could submit them, they could be used to help prove the adultery. But that's likely not going to be allowed, so he'll have to gather other sufficient evidence.

There could also be legal considerations if you tried to submit any texts, chat transcripts, photos, etc. that you got from her personal property. I'm not sure how the courts would view that. Would they view all devices as common property and therefore you have access to any history? Or would they view her devices as her personal property and you should not have access? It's one thing if the phone bill is in your name and you get the logs from the phone company. It's another if you have to hack her phone to extract deleted texts. I'm not sure what the court would allow.


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## Betrayeduser (Apr 17, 2016)

wilson said:


> He mentioned that adultery may bar her from claiming alimony. If he could submit them, they could be used to help prove the adultery. But that's likely not going to be allowed, so he'll have to gather other sufficient evidence.
> 
> There could also be legal considerations if you tried to submit any texts, chat transcripts, photos, etc. that you got from her personal property. I'm not sure how the courts would view that. Would they view all devices as common property and therefore you have access to any history? Or would they view her devices as her personal property and you should not have access? It's one thing if the phone bill is in your name and you get the logs from the phone company. It's another if you have to hack her phone to extract deleted texts. I'm not sure what the court would allow.


Her phone is in my name and is billed to me and paid for by me. It is technically my phone that I allow her to use. I just open her phone and use my phone to take photos of what's on her phone's screen.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

wilson said:


> He mentioned that adultery may bar her from claiming alimony. If he could submit them, they could be used to help prove the adultery. But that's likely not going to be allowed, so he'll have to gather other sufficient evidence.


Photos and hotel receipts would be the only evidence he could be able to submit. But again, he needs to ask his lawyer. I don't think the lawyer would want to touch a recording with a 10' pole.


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## TaDor (Dec 20, 2015)

My X's phone was not in her name... so talking with the police, the physical phone and all content on the phone is "mine".


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## Betrayeduser (Apr 17, 2016)

I need help. 

Since I last posted, I have continued to monitor my wife's behavior. She continues to message and Skype the child killer. His trial date has been set and the trial could last for months. She is planning a meeting with him sometime in the summer at his house. She has even talked to him about meeting in a different place so that he can meet my son. Obviously I can't let that happen. 

She has a new man that she "loves." She does a Skype video call with him on a daily basis. He is "separated" and has 2 kids. He lives a couple of hours away from us and she talks to him about moving there, having a baby with him, blah, blah, blah. 

I'm not sure I can do this anymore. The only reason I haven't confronted her is that I'm trying to build my case for custody of my son while still seeing my son every day and having control of what happens with him. I'm waiting to see if she will actually meet one of these guys so I will have a solid case to file for adultery. At this point, I don't know that it would help my custody case that much. 

I am going on an overnight trip with my son this weekend in hopes that she will actually meet one of these guys. I had planned on getting a PI involved, but so far she doesn't have any concrete plans for me to go on. She doesn't have time to get to the child killer and back. Her new man is busy this weekend and says he may be able to meet for a few minutes somewhere. I have GPS on her phone and her car so I'll know exactly where she goes. When I get back and access her phone, I should get confirmation of a meeting based on text messages. I know that's probably not enough to file for adultery, but it would be enough proof for me. 

Here's the main issue: do I continue to live like this in hopes of catching her red-handed while I'm still living with her or do I confront her and kick her out now? I can guarantee that if I kick her out, the first opportunity she has to meet and/or stay with one of these guys, she's going to do it. I can easily have a PI tail her after she's gone.


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## higgsb (Apr 4, 2016)

I don't see any difference between what she is doing to you and abuse. It's emotional abuse coupled with the threat of bringing a suspected child killer around your kid. I don't know how you take it.
You should have kicked her out by now.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

if the goal is to gain custody of your son, then she will have to be collateral damage, what i am saying is you must do everything in your power to demonstrate that your son will be potentially in harms way if she meets up with the convicted child killer, as a wife goes, she is long gone so any dirt you can gather on her will show the court poor parenting. focus on your son.


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

I'm not sure that you should risk your mental health by waiting much longer to confront. In fact, I don't know how you've been able to hide your contempt for her as long as you have. I know I couldn't have.


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## Be smart (Feb 22, 2015)

So you want to wait and "catch her" !!! Come on my friend,wake up. What more do you need ??? This is your son and his safety we are talking about.

You wasted a lot of time doing nothing.

Stay strong


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## Betrayeduser (Apr 17, 2016)

Be smart said:


> So you want to wait and "catch her" !!! Come on my friend,wake up. What more do you need ??? This is your son and his safety we are talking about.
> 
> You wasted a lot of time doing nothing.
> 
> Stay strong


I feel my son is safer at this point living with me full time than the alternative. When I confront her and she moves out, there will be an incredible fight for what happens with my son. I feel that based on what she has done, she should leave the house and my son should stay with me. I have been trying to gather as much evidence as possible while my son is still living with me full time so that I can potentially have documents drawn up and have a temporary custody hearing set up before I confront her. In the meantime, if she does try to take my son on a trip several states away to meet the child killer, I will have to pull the plug regardless of what is going on.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Betrayeduser said:


> I feel my son is safer at this point living with me full time than the alternative. When I confront her and she moves out, there will be an incredible fight for what happens with my son. I feel that based on what she has done, she should leave the house and my son should stay with me. I have been trying to gather as much evidence as possible while my son is still living with me full time so that I can potentially have documents drawn up and have a temporary custody hearing set up before I confront her. In the meantime, if she does try to take my son on a trip several states away to meet the child killer, I will have to pull the plug regardless of what is going on.


Call the FBI. He is grooming your wife to supply him with another victim.


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## TaDor (Dec 20, 2015)

Your wife is fracking nuts!! Very dangerous crazy woman. Keep gathering evidence. What you want is to make sure SHE doesn'T have any custody of your son.

She is NOT yours anymore. There is nothing to save from that "thing" that you married. Listen to what the others are saying. You keep talking to your lawyer, if needed, give her a window to get laid and your PI to capture it. The evidence you are recording is to SHOW she is CRAZY and abusive and dangerous. Be prepared to out clips of those to family (your call).

Don't take ANY chances with your kid. Anything that could a possible danger - pull the plug. But have your papers ready to FILE. See if you can get a Protective Order, if not at least a restraining order.

Chances are, the FBI *IS* monitoring the child killer. So yeah, at this point - *YOU* need to contact the FBI... they may decide to go after HER and will monitor the child killer and her for you.


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## SoulCrushed16 (Feb 15, 2016)

I say confront her yesterday. How much more can your psyche take at this point? I don't even know how you've been able to function this long with that **** still living in your house. So file a temporary custody order to ensure that she does not take off with your son when you do ultimately send her packing. Do anything and everything in your power to just get rid of her. If your attorney is telling you to lay low and "wait" it out then you need to get another attorney that WILL make **** happen. Right now you're a sitting duck while your **** of a wife is cake eating. Time for you to act now. Let the 90 men she's talking to take care of her. If she thinks she's going to bag one of those then she's delusional. They'll use her and throw her away like an old pair of shoes. Show her what it will be like without you or her son.


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## SouthernViking (May 7, 2016)

I would wire the house with WiFi cameras. Record her sexting sessions. If you can get her and this felon on tape (sexting) with your child in the house, that would be big. I don't understand why this, what you've collected so far, isn't enough already. Show she values her sexual trysts above her family and especially her child.
There are cheap cameras out there and cheap tracking devises for cars. I would invest in both. Don't let her know you've tapped into her accounts yet. 
I would look at protecting your financial accounts as well.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Time so stop looking at your wife and start looking at yourself. Why are you with a woman like this still?


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

sokillme said:


> Time so stop looking at your wife and start looking at yourself. Why are you with a woman like this still?


Several reasons.

One being it would be foolish to split up with her whilst she is in communication with a convicted felon, thus leaving the children with her.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

MattMatt said:


> Several reasons.
> 
> One being it would be foolish to split up with her whilst she is in communication with a convicted felon, thus leaving the children with her.


OK kick her out. Take the kids with you. Certainly you are not advocating him stay.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

sokillme said:


> OK kick her out. Take the kids with you. Certainly you are not advocating him stay.


Under what law could he just "kick her out?" None. He can't just "kick her out."

And Just take the kids with him? 

That would garner him charges of kidnapping.

_He has to stay within the law. _

Yeah, the fantasy of kicking her to the kerb or taking off with the kids is a wonderful fantasy. But that's all it can be, just a fantasy.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

MattMatt said:


> Under what law could he just "kick her out?" None. He can't just "kick her out."
> 
> And Just take the kids with him?
> 
> ...


So go to a lawyer and file. My point is stop staying in this situation.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

sokillme said:


> So go to a layer and file. My point is stop staying in this situation.


Lawyer [stupid TAM editpocalypses]


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Emergency Temporary Child Custody might be something to consider.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

sokillme said:


> Emergency Temporary Child Custody might be something to consider.


Yes. Hopefully his lawyer will tell him what his options are.


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## Katiemelanie (Apr 20, 2015)

Holy crap! First, you need to get a restraining order against her guy immediately. Second, you need to hire a lawyer ASAP. Your marriage is done. You NEED to get custody of your child. Period.


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