# Husband Asked for threesome



## Ryan8Kim (Aug 28, 2013)

My husband and I have been happily married for 4 and a half years and have two beautiful boys. I would say we have a very healthy sexual relationship as well, but recently my husband has been asking if I would have a threesome with him. I have never done anything like that before. How should I take that question? Is it likely that my husband is bored with me?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Who does he want to be the other person? A woman? A man? Does he have someone picked out?


Here is a thread that you might find interesting...

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/sex-ma...nd-idea-her-husband-watching-her-another.html


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Do you want to?

If not, say no. and stick to it.


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## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

Um... Tell him to lay off the porn and get his head back into the fact that he is a married man. You don't share him. He doesn't share you.

And don't listen to any of his "sincere" assurances. 

I really fear for my girls if this is the caliber of men out there.

No joking about "only with a guy with a 10"... Or if he is willing to take it up the...

No means no. Ask again and you are clearly asking to cheat with permission. Marriage=2 people. That was the deal.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

What disturbs me about men asking for a 3some is that it's never about THEM getting used. If it's two women and one man, the MAN is pentrating (usually) and wants the women to get it on. If it's two men and one woman, it's RARELY about the asker of the 3some takin it up the arse. No. He wants to see his wife with someone else.

The level of disrespect and objectifying women...HIS WOMAN whom he "loves" and married....it's disgusting to me.

Again, if you just want to use my hole (as I said in another thread) then use your hand. Or just leave.


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## imtamnew (May 13, 2013)

I don't think its a good idea. I would personally love an orgy with my wife. Just one of me and a 100 clones of her. Oh what fun that would be.
Everywhere I turn I feel her and touch her.


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## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

The guy wanting it up the... is telling a different disturbing story!

What happened to the woman whose husband decided he wanted to go that route and she complied and sometimes participated? Curious how things are now. Was it marriedinlove? 

A lot of guys don't appreciate or respect women. They will come to regret it later. And, they will wish am adult male had taught them differently instead of listening to all of the nonsense guys feed themselves and each other.

They dont think about what their thoughts and actions really mean. They are so stupidly in their immature moment that nothing but their selfish desires exist.

Wait til the wife reaches 35 or 40. That's when you find out how all of those behaviours have wrecked her respect and love for you.

Adult men can help educate these guys if they want to save young men from lousy divorces later. Or they can all bury their heads and hope that the Angel of Karma doesn't darken their door because "it didn't mean anything", "i didn't think/know better", "i was a jerk", blah, blah, blah.

You don't get a lot of do-overs after you show your wife how you see them as objects and just how much more important your penis is than them.

Guys, wake up.

Love and protect. Be deserving of respect. And ask yourself what you would do to any punk guy who would treat your precious daughter the same way. Cause we are ALL someone's daughter.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jen53 (Apr 26, 2013)

that is so true, my pain came form realising I was a "prop" in our sexual intimacy, my husband would only become aroused if he was talking about him being forced to watch another man take me, and there was always a time in that fantasy where my husband was being used by the man too I had always wanted to please the love of my life, excite him and be the centre of his passion as he was mine - when it started to dawn on me I could really be anyone, or a stranger- just part of a scenario - I lost all my sex drive, I felt worthless and disposable to him, I tried to explain to him, but he really doesn't get it  or now I realise, probably doesn't care that much.


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## jd08 (Nov 20, 2012)

Tell him you will agree as long as you can have a threesome with another man too. I bet the conversation will end there. Then you need to get to the bottom of why he wants to have a threesome to begin with. That is the bigger issue.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

that_girl said:


> Do you want to?
> 
> If not, say no. and stick to it.


Absolutely.

Your husband is probably not bored with you, but it never hurts to spice up your own sex life. Many people, men and women, would like to explore their sexual boundaries, and that includes the excitement of another person or persons joining in.

For most people, this is best left as fantasy or bedroom talk/role play. Others do it openly and consensually, as evidenced by swingers, open relationships, polyamorous relationships, etc. Sometimes it doesn't work (and may be a disaster especially if one isn't fully invested in the idea or the couple has not talked through the risks), and other times it works very well.

We have done all these things over the years and had a lot of fun, great memories, and no complications. If anything, in addition to the excitement and variety, it has taught us many useful things and made us appreciate each other even more. We know hundreds of couples in our community alone for whom this is also true. We've also met new couples and convinced them not to try this as it was clear either or both were not doing this fully of their own accord, but to please their partner. That is almost always a recipe for disaster. We've also seen where one person (usually the man) pushes for it, and they try it. Then the wife finds she likes it and becomes the driving force, often going in directions her husband never expected, and sometimes he will become jealous (and jealousy is the biggest problem for most, but obviously many others don't have much or learn to set it aside and develop compersion).

So, be careful, very careful. If you have any doubts, say no, or at least thoroughly talk this through before any decisions. I do firmly believe that any such request should be talked about rather than dismissed out or hand or taken negatively. Suppress these ideas and urges at your own peril, which can be just as great as going along with them if not ready. It is always a good thing to talk about ideas. They don't have to become reality, and may just lead you to develop a deeper, more intimate relationship - and without bringing in other people.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

The fact that you're posting here, looking for the opinions of others screams to me that you've been made to feel this is a normal occurrence in a marriage and maybe your feeling and opinions are too informed by tradition. That maybe your feelings against this proposed threesome need to be checked.

bringing in a third person to your marriage bed is not something I have experience with. But I have been married an awful long time, 28 years, and have undergone significant changes in my thoughts and feelings about sex.

So my advice to you is NOT to enter into uncharted territory unless this is something your instincts assure you that this is ALSO what you enthusiastically want as well.

Edited to add: Being bored with sex with your wife after only 4 years is a sign that your husband bores easily, is a risk taker, doesn't think things through very well, doesn't seem to care very much about your feelings or how this will affect your marriage...and it most definitely affect your marriage!

Do not concern yourself that YOU bore him, concern yourself with what is missing in HIM that he bores so easily and cares so little.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Sexual intimacy is a very important shared experience in a marriage. Solidifies the emotional bond between husband and wife. Bringing a third into it forever changes that and is a bell you can't unrng.


As someone else has said he needs to lay off the porn. One key part of the porn is that none of the people in those have any emotional commitment to one another, they are just bodies to act out a scene for a camera.

Actually have a third participate sexually with your spouse will affect both of you emotionally, and if it doesn't you have to seriously question why not. Your spouse is someone you are bonded to, having them sexually engage with another, which includes emotions unless you are emotionally broken already, will reduce the respect, love, trust, bond that each feels for the other.

And to anyone who claims it's just sex and not emotional I say they both need to read about the brain chemistry of sex, and they need to be more honest with themselves.

If it was just sex then they wouldn't have a problem with their spouse also just having sex on their own with someone else.


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## movealong (Aug 9, 2013)

If I want a threesome, I will watch some porn. I am not trying to be funny. Yes, most males have that fantasy, but for me, it would scare the everloving stuffing out of me. Seriously. 

First, I wonder about my wife agreeing to such a request, even if it was "just to please me". If she was adamantly against it, I think I would be relieved, lol. And if she was open to the idea, I would then wonder why? Am I not satisfying her? Ugh! Too much to worry over.

I think, for me, it goes back to the old adage "be careful what you wish for, you just may get it".


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## LonelyinLove (Jul 11, 2013)

Married but Happy said:


> Now that is extreme foreplay!


Foreplay?

No.

Forewarning? You bet. 

And a reminder....I don't share....


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Married but Happy said:


> Now that is extreme foreplay!


Not to mention loud


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## RedRose14 (Aug 15, 2013)

Ryan8Kim, communication in a marriage is vital, so you must talk to your H about your feelings on having a threesome and he needs to explain to you exactly what he wants I why. 

Both of you should only do what you are comfortable doing. If you do not want a threesome, say so, say it's off the menu, it's not going to happen, end of story.

I am new to this forum and I have to say reading some of the posts here makes me really glad I am a boring old woman married to a boring old man. I am so happy my H has never suggested a threesome or anal sex. It seems these things, particularly anal sex, is pretty routine nowadays. Personally I think it would be horrific, I will never be having anything shoved up my bum-hole. 

I am just so relieved that me and my hubby get enough enjoyment and satisfaction out of the basics of PIV and oral, even though we've been doing it together with only each other now for 20 years.

I guess it's all about being compatible, both with similar sex drives and similar sexual tastes. If a couple have an incompatability in an area then a compromise is the way forward.


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

that_girl said:


> What disturbs me about men asking for a 3some is that it's never about THEM getting used. If it's two women and one man, the MAN is pentrating (usually) and wants the women to get it on. If it's two men and one woman, it's RARELY about the asker of the 3some takin it up the arse. No. He wants to see his wife with someone else.


Oh, there are plenty of bisexual men who want to experiment. There are even threads here about just that. Although often they do it in secret instead.

Either way, I don't see a wife liking the idea.


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## Kobo (May 13, 2010)

Man this section has gone downhill
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LoveAtDaisys (Jul 3, 2013)

My H and I actually discussed it at one point. We thought we might be interested in trying it once.

We found there were too many stipulations, too many things that could go wrong and make one of us upset, and shelved that idea pretty quickly.

IF we could ever find someone to go along with every single rule we made about that scenario, sure. But the likelihood of finding that is nil.


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## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

What would your rules be? I can't think of any because following my thought process, nothing could ever make it feel right. H shares me and gets off - nope. H decides not to and tells the guy to leave - doesn't negate that he thought he wanted to share me in the first place. 

I can't find any "pleasure" in such a fantasy. And if he suggested another woman, BAM!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## committed4ever (Nov 13, 2012)

LonelyinLove said:


> My husband could ask, I'd say NO, then I'd smack him with a cast iron skillet.....


I would have to pack my bags and leave. Because he either is not the man I thought he was or he have change into someone I no longer want to be in a marital relationship with.


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

LonelyinLove said:


> My husband could ask, I'd say NO, then I'd smack him with a cast iron skillet.....


When will we have equality of the sexes?

When comments like that are as socially unacceptable for women to make. If a man were to make a joke about slapping around his wife, women would come out of the woodwork and freak out at the guy and he would be banned in short order. (As it should be in IMO.)

Yes, a man is physically stronger. But no person, man or woman, fares well when bludgeoned by a heavy object. Men have been seriously injured that way.... men have been killed exactly that way. 

I find jokes like this as funny as rape jokes. And if you don't feel the same, shame on you.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

I find it both interesting and disturbing that open communication isn't possible in many marriages. Discussion of fantasies and such are stopped by a controlling partner through anger, intimidation, shaming, threats of abandonment, and withholding sex and affection. Yes, it sounds like so many have good marriages! <sarcasm>


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

Fantasies are one thing, advocating for bringing in a third is another.

Sorry, it's out of the "mainstream" of acceptable behavior. I do not wish to criticize those that share that desire. I'm rather libertarian in my views, and what consenting adults do doesn't bother me in the least. The issue is that dropping that on somebody post marriage is unfair. Many are going to have a big issue with that type of desire. 

If you like to do this kind of thing, then find a suitable partner. Don't try and change somebody into somebody they aren't.


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## LonelyinLove (Jul 11, 2013)

larry.gray said:


> When will we have equality of the sexes?
> 
> When comments like that are as socially unacceptable for women to make. If a man were to make a joke about slapping around his wife, women would come out of the woodwork and freak out at the guy and he would be banned in short order. (As it should be in IMO.)
> 
> ...


Good lord.

It was a joke.

If a H can fantasize about a threesome, which I find morally repugnant, I can certainly fantasize about smacking him for actually suggesting it.

Project much?


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Fantasies of threesomes are pretty mainstream. Pursuing them for real is not.

If you've never discussed your limits or fantasies previously, how can you know what your partner may find acceptable? Yes, you can assume, but still be curious about getting a definitive answer. 

_It should always be okay to ask, and always be okay to say no and close the issue._


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

Project? What? What exactly am I projecting? Go find some misogyny in my posts _anywhere_.

Read my post right after this... I don't condone dropping this on a woman. I agree with all of the women's POV on this.

I just don't like misandry. Quite telling that you got upset and lashed back instead of dealing with your bad behavior.


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## committed4ever (Nov 13, 2012)

Married but Happy said:


> I find it both interesting and disturbing that open communication isn't possible in many marriages. Discussion of fantasies and such are stopped by a controlling partner through anger, intimidation, shaming, threats of abandonment, and withholding sex and affection. Yes, it sounds like so many have good marriages! <sarcasm>


She didn't say it was a fantasy! And for your comment about "fantasy and such" there need to be boundaries. Your marriage is outside the norm period. Go for it if it make you happy but you should be able to see if for what it is.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Agreed. But boundaries are learned and set by discussion. If you can't discuss things, you begin to keep secrets. Keeping secrets can lead to other things.


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## LonelyinLove (Jul 11, 2013)

larry.gray said:


> Project? What? What exactly am I projecting? Go find some misogyny in my posts _anywhere_.
> 
> Read my post right after this... I don't condone dropping this on a woman. I agree with all of the women's POV on this.
> 
> I just don't like misandry. Quite telling that you got upset and lashed back instead of dealing with your bad behavior.


First off, my comment was to the OP's question, not anything you posted.

Second, it's hard to figure out what people want as fantasy and where it bleeds into reality. As much as you find my comment in bad taste, I find the reality of asking to add a third party to the marriage bed beyond the pale of honor, of ethics, and the security of the marriage vows.

Third, I don't give a flying rip if you think my behavior was bad, good, or indifferent.


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

Married but Happy said:


> Agreed. But boundaries are learned and set by discussion.


I maintain my stance that this must be pre-marital discussion grounds. Sex in general must discussed before marrying. Even more so for "out of mainstream" activity.



Married but Happy said:


> If you can't discuss things, you begin to keep secrets. Keeping secrets can lead to other things.


Hence why it must be discussed before hand. It is very true that people will take strong fantasies and desires underground if they can't resist them. Which is rather sad for an unsuspecting spouse; another human being who will be shattered by finding out their spouse is up to extra-marital activity. Nobody deserves to be used and hurt that way.


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## Skate Daddy 9 (Sep 19, 2011)

Has he been watching Sister Wives?


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

LonelyinLove said:


> First off, my comment was to the OP's question, not anything you posted.


But you did quote me so, the "projecting" comment was to me.



LonelyinLove said:


> Second, it's hard to figure out what people want as fantasy and where it bleeds into reality. As much as you find my comment in bad taste, I find the reality of asking to add a third party to the marriage bed beyond the pale of honor, of ethics, and the security of the marriage vows.


You won't find me disagreeing much about how bad taste this is to dump on a spouse post marriage.

Bad behavior isn't the excuse for bad behavior in return.



LonelyinLove said:


> Third, I don't give a flying rip if you think my behavior was bad, good, or indifferent.


Guys who make rape jokes don't give a flying rip what you think either.


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

Skate Daddy 9 said:


> Has he been watching Sister Wives?


It's not _quite _the parallel though. They don't have threesomes, and in the show they do talk about the jealousy and how he's careful not to show any physical affection to any of the wives in the presence of another wife.

My wife likes the show... I just don't get it. (Neither the show or why she watches it.)


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## MambaZee (Aug 6, 2013)

larry.gray said:


> I maintain my stance that this must be pre-marital discussion grounds. Sex in general must discussed before marrying. Even more so for "out of mainstream" activity.


I agree with you. But what happens if someone changes post-marriage? (Not asking for myself because thank God H and I are still on the same page, but for anyone out there who felt they got a bait-and-switch)


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## RedRose14 (Aug 15, 2013)

MambaZee said:


> I agree with you. But what happens if someone changes post-marriage? (Not asking for myself because thank God H and I are still on the same page, but for anyone out there who felt they got a bait-and-switch)


It would be very difficult if after many years of marriage one spouse suddenly decided they wanted what some people (eg me) would consider to be sexual behaviours outside the normal parameters such as anal, sex with other people, inflicting pain. I imagine if a person still loves their spouse they would try and accommodate their new found desires, but it could well end in divorce if they didn't want the same thing and just couldn't bring themselves to do it.

I know for me even though I love my H totally and would never want to be without him I could not accommodate any of the extremes I mentioned above and if he couldn't live without them we would have to go our separate ways.


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## pollywog (May 30, 2013)

My WS hinted at a 3-some when we first got together and I flat told him no and don't ask me again. I am just not into that. However his skanky OW is because she likes girl on girl action. 

I am not into sharing in anyway.


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

MambaZee said:


> I agree with you. But what happens if someone changes post-marriage? (Not asking for myself because thank God H and I are still on the same page, but for anyone out there who felt they got a bait-and-switch)


Does that actually happen? I tend to think of sexual desires as rather static.

My inclination would be to think that what can happen is that people finally let themselves be honest with who they are. That they always had these desires, but thought that they could suppress those urges but finally give up realizing that it's futile. "Coming out of the closet" so to speak. It doesn't only happen with homosexuality.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Sure, sex and many other things should be discussed pre-marriage. Of course, often not everything is said because you may still be unsure of what you want, or lack confidence in saying what you want (or don't). People do change, as well. Count on it. The question is, can you change together in compatible ways? Can you honestly and openly communicate your thoughts, desires, and ideas without fear of immediate condemnation? Very often the upshot is no change, and both are content with that. Where's the big threat in listening?

The majority of people I know who have gone outside the mainstream did so after they'd been married - in some cases, decades later. Others I know did not change anything. How did they decide? They discussed it.


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## TiggyBlue (Jul 29, 2012)

For me personally if my husband asked me for a threesome I would lose a MASSIVE amount of respect for him.


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## Kobo (May 13, 2010)

committed4ever said:


> She didn't say it was a fantasy! And for your comment about "fantasy and such" there need to be boundaries. Your marriage is outside the norm period. Go for it if it make you happy but you should be able to see if for what it is.



Of course it's a sexual fantasy. It's something he desires to try sexually that hasn't happened yet. You think he hasn't already played this out in his mind a number of times?

People acting like this man is the devil incarnate for suggesting a threesome need to get over themselves. Plenty of people have threesomes. Plenty of married couples have threesomes. The assumption based on one post is a healthy relationship otherwise. Jumping to the "He must not cherish me with all his heart" hyperbole is a bit too much.


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## bbird1 (May 22, 2011)

Like drugs just say NO.

If this is something you don't want say NO. I have seen these things introduced and they always end poorly. One or the other is not happy with it and it ends up they want it more often, more extreme. A friend of ours had a husband want threesomes with guys and she would end up screwing other people while he watch or sometimes participated. In the end she had been agreeing to more and more to keep him happy until oneday she realized 9 strangers had ejaculated inside her and she knew nothing about any of them.

another friend of mine died of AIDS from a threesome he was involved in because his wife wanted another man. She is still HIV positive. Even a condom can't protect you from many VDs because they get through anyways. herpes, syphilis and Clamidia are three of them.

My advice is stand your ground and say NO. Ask him point blank "what am i not enough for you?" or is its another man "You really want to see me give my love i promised to you only to someone else?" make the question as pointed as possible.


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## soulseer (Jul 26, 2013)

clipclop2 said:


> Um... Tell him to lay off the porn and get his head back into the fact that he is a married man. You don't share him. He doesn't share you.
> 
> And don't listen to any of his "sincere" assurances.
> 
> ...


this ^^^^^^
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## committed4ever (Nov 13, 2012)

Kobo said:


> Of course it's a sexual fantasy. It's something he desires to try sexually that hasn't happened yet. You think he hasn't already played this out in his mind a number of times?
> 
> People acting like this man is the devil incarnate for suggesting a threesome need to get over themselves. Plenty of people have threesomes. Plenty of married couples have threesomes. The assumption based on one post is a healthy relationship otherwise. Jumping to the "He must not cherish me with all his heart" hyperbole is a bit too much.


That the most asinine argument I ever heard. Do you realize there are couple who also want to commit incest in a threesome? Want to bring a child into a threesome and other child abuse acts? Just because plenty of people doing it do no make it any less disgusting. YOU need to get over yourself.


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## bbird1 (May 22, 2011)

Kobo said:


> Of course it's a sexual fantasy. It's something he desires to try sexually that hasn't happened yet. You think he hasn't already played this out in his mind a number of times?
> 
> People acting like this man is the devil incarnate for suggesting a threesome need to get over themselves. Plenty of people have threesomes. Plenty of married couples have threesomes. The assumption based on one post is a healthy relationship otherwise. Jumping to the "He must not cherish me with all his heart" hyperbole is a bit too much.


Either way you would be wrong she said NO. her complaint is he continues to pressure her and doesn't understand NO. Any man who can't respect NO has no respect for his wife at all. That is not fantasy it is fact. 

Here is where i see a bad man.
Honey I would like a threesome
Wife: NO.

-end of statements the conversation is dead. IF he loves her in the least little bit that is the end of it. PERIOD.


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## bbird1 (May 22, 2011)

RedRose14 said:


> It would be very difficult if after many years of marriage one spouse suddenly decided they wanted what some people (eg me) would consider to be sexual behaviours outside the normal parameters such as anal, sex with other people, inflicting pain. I imagine if a person still loves their spouse they would try and accommodate their new found desires, but it could well end in divorce if they didn't want the same thing and just couldn't bring themselves to do it.
> 
> I know for me even though I love my H totally and would never want to be without him I could not accommodate any of the extremes I mentioned above and if he couldn't live without them we would have to go our separate ways.


/clapclapclap

Congrats you hit it on the head. Here is the kicker if he continued to ask even after no? Yeah you are a strong woman he would learn the word no with three little words.

"You've been served!" 

This piece of crap husband will not take no for an answer. sad really.


*The majority of people I know who have gone outside the mainstream did so after they'd been married - in some cases, decades later. Others I know did not change anything. How did they decide? They discussed it.*

Yes and he discussed it and she said no repeatedly. End of the subject for any sane/reasonable person. Especially one who loves his wife.


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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

LonelyinLove said:


> Good lord.
> 
> It was a joke.
> 
> ...


That is exactly his point. Men can't joke about beating women, but it is just fine for women to joke about beating men. It's a felony too, which brings in the rule violation reasoning used against men to silence them, but not women doing the same thing.

I have a different position from him though, and that is we should end the stupidity of covert aggression against men via policing everything they say for political correctness. 

In other words, you should be able to joke like that and men should be able to joke too, instead of people rushing in to shame and guilt trip them at every silly opportunity.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

bbird1 said:


> Yes and he discussed it and she said no repeatedly. End of the subject for any sane/reasonable person. Especially one who loves his wife.


On this we are in complete agreement. It's not acceptable to continue pushing for what the other partner does not want.


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## Jung_admirer (Jun 26, 2013)

Ryan8Kim said:


> My husband and I have been happily married for 4 and a half years and have two beautiful boys. I would say we have a very healthy sexual relationship as well, but recently my husband has been asking if I would have a threesome with him. I have never done anything like that before. How should I take that question? Is it likely that my husband is bored with me?


I think it's much more likely that your DH is feeling disconnected and is looking to reconnect by sharing a risque adventure that pushes the taboo buttons. I'd probably as the DH: What would you get out of it? ... What would I get out of it? Then find a way to achieve those outcomes without a 3rd party.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

Ryan8Kim said:


> I would say we have a very healthy sexual relationship as well, but recently my husband has been asking if I would have a threesome with him. I have never done anything like that before. How should I take that question? Is it likely that my husband is bored with me?


Ok.
Your husband has this * kinky little fantasy* in his head, but in reality
This is how it works


Pandora's Box Syndrome


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

:lol:

That's one way to answer his question...


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## LonelyinLove (Jul 11, 2013)

Wiserforit said:


> In other words, you should be able to joke like that and men should be able to joke too, instead of people rushing in to shame and guilt trip them at every silly opportunity.


Totally agree. Political correctness has run amuck. That's what ticked me off to.

My Mother-in-law used to say that to my FIL all the time...if he ever cheated he'd meet the frying pan...everyone knew it was a joke. I was molested twice before I was 14 and I still don't get bent out of shape when I hear sexually inappropriate jokes. 

Folks need to chill a bit, or at least ask before they get their feeling all bent out of shape.


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

Do you know what all abused women have in common?

They don't know when to keep their mouth closed.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

Wiserforit said:


> That is exactly his point. Men can't joke about beating women, but it is just fine for women to joke about beating men. It's a felony too, which brings in the rule violation reasoning used against men to silence them, but not women doing the same thing.
> 
> I have a different position from him though, and that is we should end the stupidity of covert aggression against men via policing everything they say for political correctness.
> 
> In other words, you should be able to joke like that and men should be able to joke too, instead of people rushing in to shame and guilt trip them at every silly opportunity.


Everyone knows a woman can't hurt a man. So that's why there is a "double standard".


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## TiggyBlue (Jul 29, 2012)

larry.gray said:


> Do you know what all abused women have in common?
> 
> They don't know when to keep their mouth closed.


Not true sometimes they can't make a sandwich quick enough


----------



## havenrose33 (Aug 7, 2013)

Please be VERY careful of exactly how far you are willing to go to please your husband. My husband pressured me for about ten years....I finally gave in and after a night of very heavy drinking gave in to a threesome. It was a bad mistake..that I will regret every single day of my life. I had no desire to be with anyone but my husband. It not only had a huge impact on our marriage, but it ended a twenty plus year friendship. PLEASE be very careful...it can change the dynamics of your marriage forever.


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

I won't like your post havenrose because I don't want it to seem that I like what happened to you in any way.

But thank you for posting.


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## Theseus (Feb 22, 2013)

that_girl said:


> What disturbs me about men asking for a 3some is that it's never about THEM getting used. ... The level of disrespect and objectifying women...HIS WOMAN whom he "loves" and married....it's disgusting to me.


and...



clipclop2 said:


> A lot of guys don't appreciate or respect women. They will come to regret it later. And, they will wish am adult male had taught them differently instead of listening to all of the nonsense guys feed themselves and each other.
> 
> They dont think about what their thoughts and actions really mean. They are so stupidly in their immature moment that nothing but their selfish desires exist.
> ...
> ...



As soon as I saw the title of this thread, I already knew we would see: 


*Massive projection*, as if the OP's husband is suddenly everyone else's husband under the sun

*Over the top melodrama*

*Man-hating to a comical level*
And once again, TAM doesn't disappoint. 

ThatGirl & ClipClop, did you know that some women have fantasies about threesomes, and sometimes even _(shudders)_ enjoy them? This is 2013, not 1913. Women are allowed to enjoy sexual fantasies if they want. 




To Ryan8Kim,

If you want to do it, do it. If you don't want to, then don't, and make your feelings clear. If you are not sure, then take time to think about it. There doesn't have to be a lot of drama.

It could mean your husband is bored with you, or it could mean a lot of other things. It could mean he's adventurous, it could even mean he's bisexual (if he wants a guy to join). I recommend that you ask him. 

I once suggested this to my wife, and I love her dearly and I am not bored with her.


----------



## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

I think that if he was serious about this he would have responded to his thread. I think he jonesing for a good story or two.


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

What she should have said when asked if they could have a threesome was "Ok as long as it's me and two other guys. Your job is to supply the pizza and beer when were done which might go into the wee hours of the night. When do we start?" Maybe that would cool his fantasy.


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## barbados (Aug 30, 2012)

6301 said:


> What she should have said when asked if they could have a threesome was "Ok as long as it's me and two other guys. Your job is to supply the pizza and beer when were done which might go into the wee hours of the night. When do we start?" Maybe that would cool his fantasy.


:smthumbup:

You read my mind !


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Theseus said:


> and...
> 
> 
> 
> ...



I never said ALL. I never said women don't. Don't put words in my mouth or read between the lines. I said what I meant. It's pretty rare where a man wants to have a threesome to get it up the arse.

It's a bad idea in a marriage in any way.

Who's hating men? Maybe I should go back and read. I hate the idea of 3somes and people just getting married and once married blurting this crap out. Is that MAN HATING? Holy crap. No.

OoohHH! Women can have sexual fantasies? I had no idea!! Did you know that there are OTHER FANTASIES than 3somes? ooh!


----------



## Theseus (Feb 22, 2013)

that_girl said:


> Who's hating men? Maybe I should go back and read.


That's OK, I'll paste it right here:



that_girl said:


> What disturbs me about men asking for a 3some is that it's never about THEM getting used. .... The level of disrespect and objectifying women...HIS WOMAN whom he "loves" and married....it's disgusting to me.
> 
> Again, if you just want to use my hole (as I said in another thread) then use your hand. Or just leave.


You weren't addressing the OP's husband here. You are raging about *any* men asking for threesomes, and in fact, it sounds an awful lot like you are adding some personal resentments from your own life.



> _OoohHH! Women can have sexual fantasies? I had no idea!! Did you know that there are OTHER FANTASIES than 3somes? ooh!_


But that's not your choice, it's theirs. Men don't have remote controls to guide women like robots, so condemning all men for threesomes is pretty silly. You can't have a MFF or MMF threesome without at least one woman involved, and I guarantee you not all of them were forced into it.


----------



## bbird1 (May 22, 2011)

treyvion said:


> Everyone knows a woman can't hurt a man. So that's why there is a "double standard".


You are either delusional or stupid or making a poor attempt at a joke. I could post 100s and 100s of examples should i need to. Either way this is the most asinine statement I have heard in a long long time.


----------



## bbird1 (May 22, 2011)

committed4ever said:


> I would have to pack my bags and leave. Because he either is not the man I thought he was or he have change into someone I no longer want to be in a marital relationship with.


This is why he will never speak to you about anything sensitive and will harbor the feelings until one day he cheats because he can't even talk about his fantasies. In 10 years you'll be posting my scumbag husband cheated on me. I know i can talk to my wife about anything without fear of judgement or irrational behavior like this.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

bbird1 said:


> You are either delusional or stupid or making a poor attempt at a joke. I could post 100s and 100s of examples should i need to. Either way this is the most asinine statement I have heard in a long long time.


What if they are only hurting him psychologicially?


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

bbird1 said:


> This is why he will never speak to you about anything sensitive and will harbor the feelings until one day he cheats because he can't even talk about his fantasies. In 10 years you'll be posting my scumbag husband cheated on me. I know i can talk to my wife about anything without fear of judgement or irrational behavior like this.


So if a woman will get upset if his wife asks him to do a 3-some, he will not open up to her and will eventually cheat?

He's telling her that he wants to cheat and he wants her there to watch it. And you think a woman would be wrong to be upset about it?


----------



## bbird1 (May 22, 2011)

treyvion said:


> What if they are only hurting him psychologicially?


You havr still proven my point a man CAN be hurt by a woman. Lorena Bobbit anyone? Yes he was a creep and probably deserved it but a woman in this case HURT aman.

The posterI replied to said "We all know a woman can't hurt a man"

Thanks for the help


----------



## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

EleGirl said:


> *So if a woman will get upset if his wife *asks him to do a 3-some, he will not open up to her and will eventually cheat?
> 
> He's telling her that he wants to cheat and he wants her there to watch it. And you think a woman would be wrong to be upset about it?


A little gender confusion, there? LOL

Your logic is badly flawed. If he asks and she consents, it's not cheating. If she's participating, it's not cheating. Check your dictionary for definitions.

It's not cheating to ask to explore a fantasy, and it's not cheating if a spouse agrees. It is about discussing common fantasies and desires, which usually will lead to a denial, of course. Women also have fantasies - should they be shut down without _any_ consideration because he doesn't like them?


----------



## bbird1 (May 22, 2011)

EleGirl said:


> So if a woman will get upset if his wife asks him to do a 3-some, he will not open up to her and will eventually cheat?
> 
> He's telling her that he wants to cheat and he wants her there to watch it. And you think a woman would be wrong to be upset about it?


You seem to have missed the quoted text. She said if he even ever asked she would pack her bags and leave. If you can not speak about anything to your spouse and i mean ANYTHING then your marriage will eventually fail.

Honesty is key to all marriages and without honesty and the ability to safely talk about your dreams, fantasies and desires you are condemning one partner to unhappiness which will lead to a failed marriage.

I also never said she would be wrong to be upset but why be upset he asked and she said no. See for a reasonable man this ends the conversation. The OP has a reason to be upset she said no repeatedly and he keeps asking. (This is totally different).

No matter what my wife discusses with me i view it as a discussion and take her words rationally and without judgement or anger. She knows we can talk about ANYTHING she wishes to talk about. This is how good communication should be and anything less is a disgrace to the one you supposedly love above all others.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

bbird1 said:


> You havr still proven my point a man CAN be hurt by a woman. Lorena Bobbit anyone? Yes he was a creep and probably deserved it but a woman in this case HURT aman.
> 
> The posterI replied to said "We all know a woman can't hurt a man"
> 
> Thanks for the help


Well men haven't lost their lives or had their lives permanantly altered for the negative by women. We all know men only cry in the dark.


----------



## bbird1 (May 22, 2011)

treyvion said:


> Well men haven't lost their lives or had their lives permanantly altered for the negative by women. We all know men only cry in the dark.


I named one for you Lorena Bobbitt now you are being delusional or intentionally trolling.

"it’s difficult for men to report their abuse and find help" cops call him a wimp, people look down on a man who talks about his wifes abuse. There are 1000s of stories out there of abusive women. Women who killed husbands and BFs, women who stabbed, shot, abused their husbands, BFs,

It is true you hear about every scumbag man who hurt his wife but you will rarely if ever hear about the wife who hurts her husband. It is rarely reported anyway but the DOJ estimated nearly as many men are in abusive relationships as women but "never get reported because of gender bias and social stigma."

Stop trolling or if you truly are this naive please go and do the most basic of research and learn something useful today.


----------



## committed4ever (Nov 13, 2012)

bbird1 said:


> This is why he will never speak to you about anything sensitive and will harbor the feelings until one day he cheats because he can't even talk about his fantasies. In 10 years you'll be posting my scumbag husband cheated on me. I know i can talk to my wife about anything without fear of judgement or irrational behavior like this.


Ha ha ha ha! You have gone from my statement to saying what my husband will never do and then stated that he will eventually leave me all without knowing anything about either one of us! You really delusional! 

And you can call it irrational all you want. Bringing a 3rd party into our bedroom would be irrational dysfunctional and disgusting. 
We have discussed that and that not his idea of a marriage. He use to be a player before our relationship and he even consider that to be a part of his history that he regret.


----------



## committed4ever (Nov 13, 2012)

bbird1 said:


> You seem to have missed the quoted text. She said if he even ever asked she would pack her bags and leave. If you can not speak about anything to your spouse and i mean ANYTHING then your marriage will eventually fail.
> 
> Honesty is key to all marriages and without honesty and the ability to safely talk about your dreams, fantasies and desires you are condemning one partner to unhappiness which will lead to a failed marriage.
> 
> ...


I'm sorry but just having the desire to bring a 3rd party into our marriage is enough for me to know that's not the man for me. And you don’t love someone you want to do that to. You can call it love all you want but it's not. For some people any thing goes even a sex orgy and sex with animals but please don't call that love. You think at spouse want to be in a relationship with someone they know desire such disgusting acts? Not this spouse.


----------



## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

bbird1 said:


> I named one for you Lorena Bobbitt now you are being delusional or intentionally trolling.
> 
> "it’s difficult for men to report their abuse and find help" cops call him a wimp, people look down on a man who talks about his wifes abuse. There are 1000s of stories out there of abusive women. Women who killed husbands and BFs, women who stabbed, shot, abused their husbands, BFs,
> 
> ...


I wanted it to be discussed. Didn't consider it trolling. I have daughters and sons, and I care equally about both about the dangers of mingling with the opposite sex. Yes my boys have serious risks too!


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## Kobo (May 13, 2010)

committed4ever said:


> That the most asinine argument I ever heard. Do you realize there are couple who also want to commit incest in a threesome? Want to bring a child into a threesome and other child abuse acts? Just because plenty of people doing it do no make it any less disgusting. YOU need to get over yourself.


Great straw man. That was pretty good.


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## bbird1 (May 22, 2011)

committed4ever said:


> Ha ha ha ha! You have gone from my statement to saying what my husband will never do and then stated that he will eventually leave me all without knowing anything about either one of us! You really delusional!
> 
> And you can call it irrational all you want. Bringing a 3rd party into our bedroom would be irrational dysfunctional and disgusting.
> We have discussed that and that not his idea of a marriage. He use to be a player before our relationship and he even consider that to be a part of his history that he regret.


You have just contradicted yourself AND at the same time proven me right.

You said if he ever asked you would leave. But now you say you have discussed it. See my statement was e should feel free as you to discuss ANYTHING and irrational behavior like walking out shouldn't be a fear.

Thank you for proving me right and now we know you ARE and HAVE discussed that and you are STILL here. You have shown you do and can talk about ANYTHING. 

Amen and God bless and my delusions proven correct once more because you do speak and you don;t leave. Instead it's you who has changed her own story now./clap congrats on that.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Anyway and FWIW if my wife ever asked for this not only would I say no but I would seriously consider this not just a major problem but would evaluate being married to her at all. Should others feel this way. IDNGAF. Just weighing in.


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## LonelyinLove (Jul 11, 2013)

larry.gray said:


> Do you know what all abused women have in common?
> 
> They don't know when to keep their mouth closed.


Okay...joke...

Problem is...I don't get it :scratchhead:


----------



## bbird1 (May 22, 2011)

committed4ever said:


> I'm sorry but just having the desire to bring a 3rd party into our marriage is enough for me to know that's not the man for me. And you don’t love someone you want to do that to. You can call it love all you want but it's not. For some people any thing goes even a sex orgy and sex with animals but please don't call that love. You think at spouse want to be in a relationship with someone they know desire such disgusting acts? Not this spouse.


I never once called it love, nor supported threesomes, nor bestiality, nor orgies, nor anything else. My ONLY point was talking and honesty is essential in ANY marriage. I have also advised and you have been on the threads to NEVER EVER compromise your own morals. 

I am glad you can take the simplest of points and throw irrational logic into them. Hell I even told this poster he is a scumbag because he doesn't respect her enough to live with NO.

None of the acts you described are for me or my wife either. We share similar morals her and I but I am sure and I know I could talk to my wife about ANYTHING even a threesome if i so choose to. And i wouldn't fear her walking out or even getting upset. I know her answer would be the same as mine if she asked me. No i am not cool with that. Gee simple logic not twisted but nice try.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

LonelyinLove said:


> Okay...joke...
> 
> Problem is...I don't get it :scratchhead:


Me either....


----------



## committed4ever (Nov 13, 2012)

bbird1 said:


> You have just contradicted yourself AND at the same time proven me right.
> 
> You said if he ever asked you would leave. But now you say you have discussed it. See my statement was e should feel free as you to discuss ANYTHING and irrational behavior like walking out shouldn't be a fear.
> 
> ...


Are you really that dense???? Do you really think that the only way to discuss something is to talk about desiring it or asking for it? Husband and wife can discuss anything but neither of them have to be asking for it or desiring it to discuss it. Hell we have discuss Limbaugh but neither one of us agree with him or his views.


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

LonelyinLove said:


> Okay...joke...
> 
> Problem is...I don't get it :scratchhead:


Battered women get hit when they stand up for themselves. If they remain meek and submissive they don't get hit. So if she hadn't spoken up, it wouldn't have happened.

Sick, sick joke. Kinda like the frying pan one...


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## Kobo (May 13, 2010)

bbird1 said:


> Either way you would be wrong she said NO. her complaint is he continues to pressure her and doesn't understand NO. Any man who can't respect NO has no respect for his wife at all. That is not fantasy it is fact.
> 
> Here is where i see a bad man.
> Honey I would like a threesome
> ...


Please show me where she said No. I missed that.


----------



## committed4ever (Nov 13, 2012)

bbird1 said:


> I never once called it love, nor supported threesomes, nor bestiality, nor orgies, nor anything else. My ONLY point was talking and honesty is essential in ANY marriage. I have also advised and you have been on the threads to NEVER EVER compromise your own morals.
> 
> I am glad you can take the simplest of points and throw irrational logic into them. Hell I even told this poster he is a scumbag because he doesn't respect her enough to live with NO.
> 
> None of the acts you described are for me or my wife either. We share similar morals her and I but I am sure and I know I could talk to my wife about ANYTHING even a threesome if i so choose to. And i wouldn't fear her walking out or even getting upset. I know her answer would be the same as mine if she asked me. No i am not cool with that. Gee simple logic not twisted but nice try.


And it was "logical" for you to take my original statement and declare that eventually my husband will cheat on me????


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## bbird1 (May 22, 2011)

committed4ever said:


> Are you really that dense???? Do you really think that the only way to discuss something is to talk about desiring it or asking for it? Husband and wife can discuss anything but neither of them have to be asking for it or desiring it to discuss it. Hell we have discuss Limbaugh but neither one of us agree with him or his views.


No but you seem to be so dense to not understand any discussion is a discussion and you have already admitted to speaking about it. I am glad you were smart enough to talk about expectations. There is hope indeed. Again you miss the post of me calling the POS husband a scumbag and disrespectful of his wife. But this shows how dense you are i guess?

See you seem to be saying EXACTLY what I said and calling me dense..interesting indeed.


----------



## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

larry.gray said:


> Battered women get hit when they stand up for themselves. If they remain meek and submissive they don't get hit. So if she hadn't spoken up, it wouldn't have happened.
> 
> Sick, sick joke. Kinda like the frying pan one...


That's it?

Not just a sick joke but...well, not a very good joke.

Come one Larry, you can do better than that!


----------



## bbird1 (May 22, 2011)

Kobo said:


> Please show me where she said No. I missed that.


The fact he has "been asking" demonstrates a repeated request. It is logical to presume she has said no since it hasn;t happened and he was to keep asking.


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## Kobo (May 13, 2010)

bbird1 said:


> The fact he has "been asking" demonstrates a repeated request. It is logical to presume she has said no since it hasn;t happened and he was to keep asking.


It could also represent an ongoing discussion.


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## bbird1 (May 22, 2011)

committed4ever said:


> And it was "logical" for you to take my original statement and declare that eventually my husband will cheat on me????


Again you seem dense and twist words. I saidand i will paraphrase and try to keep it simple.

1) You said if he ever asked you would leave.

2) I said your behavior would be irrational BECAUSE a husband or wife should always be able to talk to the other about ANYTHING.

3) If he could not talk to you without fear or irrational behavior it is perfectly reasonable to presume he would become unhappy and when one spouse is unhappy and can't talk to the other? Dam just read these board the end in I am looking to divorce, oops i cheat on my wife BUT.., ect

So yes it is reasonable to presume after seeing it many many time that if he couldn't speak to you without fear of judgement and irrational behavior that he indeed wouldn't be fulfilled as a partner in your marriage. And those cases end in divorce a vast majority of the time.


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## bbird1 (May 22, 2011)

Kobo said:


> It could also represent an ongoing discussion.


Honestly it demonstrates his lack of concern or feelings for his wife and his utter disrespect for her. But that is my opinion and like *******s we all have one.


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## committed4ever (Nov 13, 2012)

bbird1 said:


> No but you seem to be so dense to not understand any discussion is a discussion and you have already admitted to speaking about it. I am glad you were smart enough to talk about expectations. There is hope indeed. Again you miss the post of me calling the POS husband a scumbag and disrespectful of his wife. But this shows how dense you are i guess?
> 
> See you seem to be saying EXACTLY what I said and calling me dense..interesting indeed.


I said if he ASKED for it not if we DISCUSSED it. You do realize that a discussion could be as simple as talking about another couple who broke up because of it. 

For the record I don't think you are dense. I think you don't want to admit that you were out of line for what you originally said about my husband.


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## greenfern (Oct 20, 2012)

Anon Pink said:


> That's it?
> 
> Not just a sick joke but...well, not a very good joke.
> 
> Come one Larry, you can do better than that!


I'm so bad at reading jokiness in forums but I really love Larry's point which I think is that we should be as offended at the frying pan joke as at his joke. And I totally totally agree and thank you Larry for calling it.


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## LonelyinLove (Jul 11, 2013)

greenfern said:


> I'm so bad at reading jokiness in forums but I really love Larry's point which I think is that we should be as offended at the frying pan joke as at his joke. And I totally totally agree and thank you Larry for calling it.


Glad you realized it was a joke....

No one should be offended...but if they are, before they display their bent out of shapeness, perhaps a guestion or two to the person who wrote it would be in order. 

I guess you have to be a Southern gal to get the cast iron joke...I've heard that most of my life...although I do think some of those women really meant it.....


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## bbird1 (May 22, 2011)

committed4ever said:


> I said if he ASKED for it not if we DISCUSSED it. You do realize that a discussion could be as simple as talking about another couple who broke up because of it.
> 
> For the record I don't think you are dense. I think you don't want to admit that you were out of line for what you originally said about my husband.


Sorry I was injecting speculation into conversation based upon YOUR words. You know sometimes "talking about another couple" is a tactic used by some (not necessary your husband or you among them) to brooch a sensitive subject like that. For my wife and I and based on what I;ve seen of you over the posts I presume you are much like my wife and I and you sought out someone religiously and morally comparable. Which is a key to long term success.

Let me end by saying amen and god bless but I was not wrong in my statement other than your words were not exactly taken as you point out. I do still say he should have the ability to ask his wife anything and he should be prepared to accept no. My wife could ask and she would get NO but i wouldn't leave her. It might even spark some interesting conversation and push us as a couple in the end closer to god.

For the record neither of us would ask the other for anything immoral like that. I promised as she did to love, honor, respect and cherish

If i love her I am open to her with EVERYTHING and we talk openly and honestly without concern of judgement
If i honor her i would never disgrace her with infidelity or breaking my vows, i would never ask her to shame herself for me with immorality
If I respect her I will never ask her to compromise her faith, her morals or her body for me
If i cherish her I will hold her above all except the eyes of god

I bet we are similar here you just took my words wrong as i may have taken yours. Peace


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

LonelyinLove said:


> Glad you realized it was a joke....
> 
> No one should be offended...but if they are, before they display their bent out of shapeness, perhaps a guestion or two to the person who wrote it would be in order.
> 
> I guess you have to be a Southern gal to get the cast iron joke...I've heard that most of my life...although I do think some of those women really meant it.....


I thought the frying pan thing was funny....but I can remember the bugs bunny cartoons in which some hapless man got beaned with a frying pan, raising a bump twice as tall as his head...

But, I give a PC pass for most jokes especially if they're funny. There is usually a grain of truth, though perhaps not as all inclusive as the joke might suggest. 

I don't give a PC pass to statements.


----------



## greenfern (Oct 20, 2012)

LonelyinLove said:


> Glad you realized it was a joke....
> 
> No one should be offended...but if they are, before they display their bent out of shapeness, perhaps a guestion or two to the person who wrote it would be in order.
> 
> I guess you have to be a Southern gal to get the cast iron joke...I've heard that most of my life...although I do think some of those women really meant it.....


Well no I was actually referring to Anon who was asking about Larrys joke. I wasn't sure if she was understanding his point about making the abuse joke.

I might be a little 'politically correct' and I am not a 'Southern gal' but I think if we want to stop men from making jokes like this we should also stop women from doing it.

Sorry, total threadjack!


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## greenfern (Oct 20, 2012)

Anon Pink said:


> I thought the frying pan thing was funny....but I can remember the bugs bunny cartoons in which some hapless man got beaned with a frying pan, raising a bump twice as tall as his head...
> 
> But, I give a PC pass for most jokes especially if they're funny. There is usually a grain of truth, though perhaps not as all inclusive as the joke might suggest.
> 
> I don't give a PC pass to statements.


Ok I didn't miss it - you just thought his joke wasn't funny? Maybe I missed his whole point it wouldn't be the first time I got confused .

FWIW I don't give a pc pass to jokes. I was happy to see Larry calling out on the frying pan joke because I totally agree, if a man said that he would be roasted on here.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

It's just another way of your H telling you that he would like a little "strange" out of life. And he's saying he wants you to get involved with another gal?

Just tell him that before you'd consider doing that, that you'd absolutely adore seeing him go down on another dude! Now if he even remotely considers that request, then you'll have your answer. Otherwise, he just wants to see you degrade yourself in his presence with another woman, and probably as a precursor to him making a move to tap her right there in your presence!

No self-respecting family man should never, ever place his wife into a position like that, period!

I'd tell him that it's high time for counseling and, quite frankly, the sooner the better!


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

arbitrator said:


> It's just another way of your H telling you that he would like a little "strange" out of life. And he's saying he wants you to get involved with another gal?
> 
> Just tell him that before you'd consider doing that, that you'd absolutely adore seeing him go down on another dude! Now if he even remotely considers that request, then you'll have your answer.
> Otherwise, he just wants to see you degrade yourself in his presence with another woman, and probably as a precursor to him tapping her in your presence!
> ...


LOLOL Oh please! At least half the time it's the woman who is bi and suggesting it to her husband.


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## Kobo (May 13, 2010)

arbitrator said:


> It's just another way of your H telling you that he would like a little "strange" out of life. And he's saying he wants you to get involved with another gal?
> 
> Just tell him that before you'd consider doing that, that you'd absolutely adore seeing him go down on another dude! Now if he even remotely considers that request, then you'll have your answer.
> Otherwise, he just wants to see you degrade yourself in his presence with another woman, and probably as a precursor to him tapping her in your presence!
> ...



So your answer to her husband discussing his fantasy is for her to make up a fantasy? Good Lord. Get a grip people.


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## committed4ever (Nov 13, 2012)

bbird1 said:


> I bet we are similar here you just took my words wrong as i may have taken yours. Peace


You probably right. Except for what I was looking for in man. I have to plead the 5th on that one! Peace.


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## committed4ever (Nov 13, 2012)

Kobo said:


> So your answer to her husband discussing his fantasy is for her to make up a fantasy? Good Lord. Get a grip people.


Why not? Anything goes right? There are no rules and no boundaries.


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## Kobo (May 13, 2010)

committed4ever said:


> Why not? Anything goes right? There are no rules and no boundaries.


Because that's not actually her fantasy. It's just a spiteful attempt to minimize his fantasy. Are you telling me that you stop behaving like an adult when your husband presents you with something you don't like or agree with?


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## committed4ever (Nov 13, 2012)

Kobo said:


> Because that's not actually her fantasy. It's just a spiteful attempt to minimize his fantasy. Are you telling me that you stop behaving like an adult when your husband presents you with something you don't like or agree with?


I was being facetious. But I'm sure you know that.


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## Kobo (May 13, 2010)

committed4ever said:


> I was being facetious. But I'm sure you know that.


I didn't. Nothing would surprise me after your incest comment.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

bbird1 said:


> Again you seem dense and twist words. I saidand i will paraphrase and try to keep it simple.
> 
> 1) You said if he ever asked you would leave.
> 
> ...


Ok enough folks.

You told her her husband would cheat on her. Totally uncalled for. Step back and look at what you are pushing here.

You each have a right to your opinions, but you did go on the attack.

How about you back off a tad here. You know tone down the agression. I guess I am being sensitive. Let me check my T levels.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

I would feel inclined to call his bluff by saying:- "Sure, Honey. As long as I get to choose a really hunky guy for us to have fun with!" Methinks he'll change his mind pretty quickly. Or not...

Seriously, though, I wouldn't even go there.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

My husband probably has this fantasy; it does not decrease my respect for him because I know that he is normal. Having a fantasy does not make a person bad. 

However, if my husband asked me to have one, he would not be the person I married. My first response would be to explore who he has become and if I want to stay with this person. 

My feelings towards him would forever change and trust and love would be impossible. I am heterosexual, know my value, faithful and would not consider sharing him under any circumstances. 

He knows me and who I am. So asking me this would indicate that he wants a different person. Basically, everyone changes over the years. We all have a right to be make a choice about who we marry and who we stay married to. Leaving should never be off the table. 

A commitment to work really hard to weather changes and maintain a caring, loving connection is essential. However, commitment is not a resolve to stay married no matter what.


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

Catherine602 said:


> My husband probably has this fantasy; it does not decrease my respect for him because I know that he is normal. Having a fantasy does not make a person bad.


MFM or MMF? That's what was posted by the OP. No, I don't think those are common fantasies.

Now FMF or MFF? Yep, the most common male fantasy.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

So yes, it is appropriate to consider leaving if your spouse developers an appetite for bringing people into your bed. My feeling is that most men cherish the woman they love.

Most would not want to expose her to having contact with a man or woman just for his pleasure. But feelings change and he may have fallen out of love but still find his wife useful. 

Useful for a bit of fun like an old car he can drive fast until the transmission blows.

OP tell your husband you may consider having a threesome after he does your fantasy. A threesome with another man with a penis bigger than his. You get to have sex with him while he watches and he gives the guy a bj afterwards. 

Women have to wise up. Men have fantasies that challenge our openness and willingness to do things just fir them. Why not challenge them back. 

Ask them to do equivalent things. If he wants you to become bi for a night then ask him to do it first. If he wants to see you used by another man then ask him to be used too, by a man. 

I've posted in other threads asking men how they would respond if their wives came back at them with these proposals. I have not gotten one response. 

I think that they don't respond because they get it. It may seem ok to put stuff out there to see what you can get but making a request is not benign. You can't say anything or ask anything not even to your spouse. 

I have weird thoughts that I don't share with anyone. I wonder where they come from. The important part is, I let the odd thoughts float in and then out again. I don't dwell on them and certainly don't give them voice.


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## bbird1 (May 22, 2011)

Entropy3000 said:


> Ok enough folks.
> 
> You told her her husband would cheat on her. Totally uncalled for. Step back and look at what you are pushing here.
> 
> ...


I did not say he would. I said if he can't talk honestly and openly about anything to her that he would be unhappy which leads to cheating.

Besides her and I know we are more alike than different and we worked it out. Peace to you as well.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

larry.gray said:


> MFM or MMF? That's what was posted by the OP. No, I don't think those are common fantasies.
> 
> Now FMF or MFF? Yep, the most common male fantasy.


Larry, I don't know, I never asked him. Just assumed from what I've read here on TAM or I would never have known. Why don't I ask?

Because I think he should have his private thoughts and reveal what he chooses. He is very open about what he wants us to try. I am the inhibited one. 

I think you are right about the two male one female threesome. Most heterosexual men would not want to be in proximity to a naked man. 

Add to that the man wanting his wife to be fvcked by the naked man makes me nauseous to even think it. I would just need to walk away from a man who disrespects himself this way and who wants to bring me down with him. That's just me.


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## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

I think women challenging husbands/men back is part of how things have gotten so bad. What I mean by that is women choosing to be ill-behaved, thoughtless, hurtful or offensive to get men back or to show how equal they really are is a step in the morally wrong direction.

Men tend to lag behind in maturity. Unfortunately, this immaturity challenges their ability to filter out the negative behaviours that they are being told are their god-given right by society (and their dumb friends). 

How could behaving badly like an immature guy possibly help anyone? He is serious about a 3-some. He might feel a MFM deal would be worth it because what he really wants is part of the deal.

Even a theoretical discussion might not be fruitful because a guy may be arrogant enough to think he could handle seeing his wife with another. Or, he might not really care. If it is all about selfish pursuit of sex, anything is possible.

Marital boundaries are to be defended.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Kobo (May 13, 2010)

Cosmos said:


> I would feel inclined to call his bluff by saying:- "Sure, Honey. As long as I get to choose a really hunky guy for us to have fun with!" Methinks he'll change his mind pretty quickly. Or not...
> 
> Seriously, though, I wouldn't even go there.


What if his threesome is MFF. Your comment won't make much sense then and just come off at another spiteful attempt at minimizing his fantasy. Unless of course that is her fantasy.


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## Kobo (May 13, 2010)

Catherine602 said:


> My husband probably has this fantasy; it does not decrease my respect for him because I know that he is normal. Having a fantasy does not make a person bad.
> 
> However, if my husband asked me to have one, he would not be the person I married. My first response would be to explore who he has become and if I want to stay with this person.
> 
> ...



So "for better or for worse" means nothing to you. Got it


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## JTL (Dec 14, 2009)

Ryan8Kim said:


> My husband and I have been happily married for 4 and a half years and have two beautiful boys. I would say we have a very healthy sexual relationship as well, but recently my husband has been asking if I would have a threesome with him. I have never done anything like that before. How should I take that question? Is it likely that my husband is bored with me?


Bored with you? Maybe. Bored with life's current situation-perhaps. You won't know unless you ask him and talk about this recent fantasy. You should take that question like you would anything else in your marriage. Discuss it and let him know your feelings on the subject while trying to get all of his as well. Alternative sexual acts are outside the norm for most people regardless of what porn shows us. You should never do anything sexual you're uncomfortable with and certainly not just to please him-except BJ's!


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## Kobo (May 13, 2010)

clipclop2 said:


> I think women challenging husbands/men back is part of how things have gotten so bad. What I mean by that is women choosing to be ill-behaved, thoughtless, hurtful or offensive to get men back or to show how equal they really are is a step in the morally wrong direction.
> 
> Men tend to lag behind in maturity. Unfortunately, this immaturity challenges their ability to filter out the negative behaviours that they are being told are their god-given right by society (and their dumb friends).
> 
> ...


TL,DR - Men are dumb


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## ShyEnglishman (Aug 23, 2013)

Sorry, couldn't be bothered to read every page, so this might have been said already, but here goes.

Some people think love and sex are the same thing. Some think that they are nothing to do with each other, and most people, I guess, are somewhere in between.

So, OP, its not for others to pass judgement on the morals and ethics of a 3some. You need to decide that for yourself.

Maybe people with experience in these matters might be able to advice about any possible unforeseen consequences in practical terms, but apart from that, only you get to decide whether it acceptable TO YOU or not.


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## committed4ever (Nov 13, 2012)

Entropy3000 said:


> Ok enough folks.
> 
> You told her her husband would cheat on her. Totally uncalled for. Step back and look at what you are pushing here.
> 
> ...


You're feeling sympathy for me but you forgot why. LOL!


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

bbird1 said:


> I did not say he would. I said if he can't talk honestly and openly about anything to her that he would be unhappy which leads to cheating.
> 
> Besides her and I know we are more alike than different and we worked it out. Peace to you as well.


This is so odd to me. I am trying to understand your thinking. 

Do you really talk about anything? Are you not selective in what you reveal? For example, did you let your wife know that if she did not want to accept your revelations that you would be tempted to cheat? 

That would be important for her to know in the service of open honesty, no?


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Catherine602 said:


> Do you really talk about anything? Are you not selective in what you reveal?


You talk about whatever is relevant or important enough to you to raise for discussion, and don't bother with the rest. (Let me add that I would feel safe in raising _any_ issue for discussion with my wife, even expecting I may not get agreement.) And of course, I think everyone is selective in what they reveal. Also, just because you may not get what you want, does not mean you will do whatever you may_ think _of doing when denied - it would be stupid to lash out with some nonsense you'd probably never do in reality.


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## bbird1 (May 22, 2011)

Catherine602 said:


> This is so odd to me. I am trying to understand your thinking.
> 
> Do you really talk about anything? Are you not selective in what you reveal? For example, did you let your wife know that if she did not want to accept your revelations that you would be tempted to cheat?
> 
> That would be important for her to know in the service of open honesty, no?


Yes anything. I can and do speak to my wife about anything on my mind, anything i need advice on, anything i need to speak about. Her and I have handled some very touchy subjects in the past with grace, and understanding.

PS I wouldn't cheat because it's not who I am so there is no need to discuss something which isn't real. As for "accepting" anything about me we got that out of the way long before marriage as my accepting of her.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

clipclop2 said:


> I think women challenging husbands/men back is part of how things have gotten so bad. What I mean by that is women choosing to be ill-behaved, thoughtless, hurtful or offensive to get men back or to show how equal they really are is a step in the morally wrong direction.
> 
> Men tend to lag behind in maturity. Unfortunately, this immaturity challenges their ability to filter out the negative behaviours that they are being told are their god-given right by society (and their dumb friends).
> 
> ...


How do you suggest it be handled? Reason with him? Reason has left the building in my opinion and it won't come back without throwing open the shutters and letting in some light. 

Turning the tables in thought is a good way of helping reason to amble back into the room. It's called empathy. 

Suggesting an alternative fantasy requiring a similar level of risk is not a breach of ethics or morality. Rather it is a radical, self-confident and rapid way to maintain personal boundaries. It is also self-protective. 

Being talked into to sexual situation where the woman takes all of the risk is stupid. What comes to mind is the recent news item about the poor girl who was filmed giving her bf a bj.

Woman need to protect themselves. If a man cheats or leaves because he cant get his partner to compromise herself then he is not worth trusting. You have to know your worth as a person and a woman. 

I never said it was a method to get men back or to behave badly. Those are completely different issues. Women are no better than men in the capacity for bad behavior. 

They have not had the opportunity in the past. I don't think it is due to virtue. There are as many virtuous men as women. We just hear about the bad men more. 

We see what we expect to see. Male badness and female badness are distinct but equal.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

Catherine602 said:


> I have weird thoughts that I don't share with anyone. I wonder where they come from. The important part is, I let the odd thoughts float in and then out again. I don't dwell on them and certainly don't give them voice.


:iagree:

I have lots of fantasies, too, but many I wouldn't dream of sharing with my SO for 2 reasons: a) They're things I wouldn't want act on; and b) They would hurt his feelings.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

a 3some has never been something I want. I never even watch 3some porn. I mean, with 2 women what's one supposed to do when the other is riding the pony? I just don't get it. 

It's funny because my wife has mentioned that 2 women is every man's fantasy. She's mentioned it half a dozen times over the last 20 years....always while rolling her eyes. She never believes me when I say I'm not really interested. I guess I'd be more interested in a mfm as long as the f wasn't my wife (and I was single).


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

WorkingOnMe said:


> a 3some has never been something I want. I never even watch 3some porn. I mean, with 2 women what's one supposed to do when the other is riding the pony? I just don't get it.
> 
> It's funny because my wife has mentioned that 2 women is every man's fantasy. She's mentioned it half a dozen times over the last 20 years....always while rolling her eyes. She never believes me when I say I'm not really interested. I guess I'd be more interested in a mfm as long as the f wasn't my wife (and I was single).


I think the confusion about it being everymans fantasy comes from a mix up of what we want.

It would be great if you could have one to make the sandwich and a second to get and open your beer for you, this would eliminate the need to prioritize which to do first and which or to wait for.



Just saying....


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Shaggy said:


> I think the confusion about it being everymans fantasy comes from a mix up of what we want.
> 
> It would be great if you could have one to make the sandwich and a second to get and open your beer for you, this would eliminate the need to prioritize which to do first and which or to wait for.
> 
> ...


One under my desk and one making a sandwich!


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

WorkingOnMe said:


> a 3some has never been something I want. I never even watch 3some porn. I mean, with 2 women what's one supposed to do when the other is riding the pony? I just don't get it.
> 
> It's funny because my wife has mentioned that 2 women is every man's fantasy. She's mentioned it half a dozen times over the last 20 years....always while rolling her eyes. She never believes me when I say I'm not really interested. I guess I'd be more interested in a mfm as long as the f wasn't my wife (and I was single).


I had a threesome in my single days and I remember being confused. It was never a fantasy but merely just a " what if" kinda thing for me. I never asked for it , I was offered.
I didn't find it to be as hot as the girls promised it would be.
They were looking hot, but the whole thing failed to deliver IMO.

Even when I used porn, I never liked threesomes or so called 
" gang bangs."
But I guess everybody's different.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

Kobo said:


> What if his threesome is MFF. Your comment won't make much sense then and just come off at another spiteful attempt at minimizing his fantasy. Unless of course that is her fantasy.


If my SO suggested a threesome to me, I wouldn't give a continental stuff whether or not I was minimizing his fantasy. Frankly, this would be the least of his problems...


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Kobo said:


> So "for better or for worse" means nothing to you. Got it


Well yes, worse for me is unforeseen misfortune or errors in judgement or errors in behavior. 

I feel that I cannot abandon someone who has loves me and does so much for me and the family when there is trouble. But there is a limit to how much worsening is tolerable. 

Look at it this way. My husband married me in part because I had a set of values that he appreciated in a partner. Suppose I changed and wanted an open marriage.

Even if I ended up not doing it because he did not want it, do you think he needs to stand by a person who changed values so drastically? I don't. I think he has a right to choose if he wants to stay married to the new me.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*At my age, a threesome would be extremely nice!* 

*Why, you ask?** Well, quoting the late and great Rodney Dangerfield,* 

*"If I ever fell asleep on the two girls, they would still have each other to talk to!"*


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## looking for clarity (Aug 12, 2013)

My husband did not ask me or tell me but he engaged in this behavior for years behind my back and never brought up wanting one to me. If he did ask for one then ask questions and look for evidence - he may already be doing them. Don't ring sweep this.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## reef3314 (Nov 13, 2013)

I don't know a single guy who hasn't dreamed of a threesome. Its not that he's bored. "double the pleasure, double the fun." Now, only agree to this if it is something you're interested in as well. If you've ever been curious to be with another female than this is your chance to explore it together. You go first with the female and he can join the two of you when you're ready. Now, if it's another guy to join than maybe he likes to see you pleased. I'd be lying if I said I didn't think of my wife being with another man. I've never told her that ofcourse.


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## Weathered (Dec 15, 2009)

I must be strange then as a guy who has never even dreamed of a threesome. Categorising men as more immature than women is considering men as inferior human beings and legitimising their 'bad behaviour'. If one accepts that there are absolutes in morality then men are not exempt from them just because their brains are wired differently and have more 'adventurous' sexual fantasies (for lack of a better term). It is up to the man to 'man up' and take control of his fantasies to ensure he does not stumble morally on them and keep his wife as the most valuable person in everything he thinks and does.


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## triggerhappy (Oct 14, 2012)

Ryan8Kim said:


> My husband and I have been happily married for 4 and a half years and have two beautiful boys. I would say we have a very healthy sexual relationship as well, but recently my husband has been asking if I would have a threesome with him. I have never done anything like that before. How should I take that question? Is it likely that my husband is bored with me?


And this didn't upset you? and to top it off you're blaming yourself because he's a sick F? :scratchhead:

What is wrong with you women these days?


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## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

Weathered, you are awesome. You get it.

Protect your thoughts. Protect your actions.

=

Protect your marriage

I don't know why some people absolutely will not acknowledge the simplicity and the truth of it. 

What you feed, grows. 

Thinking about and dwelling on fantasy is an action. A fleeting thought is normal and natural. Following that thought is a choice and an action. 

Advertisements work. Marketing works. People who follow these fantasies are marketing to themselves. It is also far more likely to be effective than other marketing. It is going to impact a relationship. We both know about people who embrace these things, claiming they are harmless. Nothing we can do but point or the folly. 

Thank you for standing up for good men.


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## Happyswingers (Nov 22, 2013)

14 years ago I asked my wife if she would like to have a threesome with another guy. It was to see where her mind was on the topic. She admitted it might be something that would be fun to do. In the last 13 years we have had MFM's, FMF's, MFMF's, and the occasional MFMFMF. I'm straight and shes bi in case you cared about the dynamics 

Lots of people are doing this right in your neighborhood, meeting like minded people on various websites. 

Now here is the rub, my wife wanted to try it and swinging as did I. We had a very strong marriage that has only gotten stronger, knowing our "love" isn't about our genitals touching. But thats US.

So the question for the OP and really the OP alone is does SHE want to try it? If she does she may find a level of marriage that most people have no idea even exists. On the other hand if the OP has no desire for this then she should not let herself feel pressured into it. This sort of thing is a litmus test for marriages, and while for many we've known its enhanced their marriage, for others its harmed them or even destroyed them. 

The usually "we want a threesome" first time couple is looking for an FMF. If he is serious about YOU and YOUR feelings ask if its ok to start with an MFM. That separates the fantasy guys from the serious ones in a hurry.


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## Jung_admirer (Jun 26, 2013)

reef3314 said:


> *I don't know a single guy who hasn't dreamed of a threesome. *Its not that he's bored. "double the pleasure, double the fun." Now, only agree to this if it is something you're interested in as well. If you've ever been curious to be with another female than this is your chance to explore it together. You go first with the female and he can join the two of you when you're ready. Now, if it's another guy to join than maybe he likes to see you pleased. I'd be lying if I said I didn't think of my wife being with another man. I've never told her that ofcourse.


Well you know one guy now. A third person, male or female, disrupts the emotional intimacy. Sex is great, but intimacy is the soul's manna.


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