# No husband around? Fair game



## tracyishere

Why is it that if I am out without my husband and I get approached by a man who becomes overly flirtatious so I tell him I'm am married, he still continues to flirt and/or says so what?


----------



## LostViking

When where and how does he approach you? Can you avoid him?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## sparkyjim

Maybe because he is confident.... and a bit of a lowlife.

Better to say, "I think I know your wife/girlfriend/SO...."

That should stop him in his tracks...


----------



## Caribbean Man

That's because , sometimes the only thing some men respect is the threat of physical violence.
When a man is around a woman, they respect her because they know the consequence of disrespecting her would be a severe best down , public embarrassment and probably police arrest.

My wife and I were in a department store once , and whilst she did her shopping , I had a look at some musical electronic equipment. I glanced t her periodically to see if he needed help and observed a man approach her. I thought maybe he worked in the store , but then she walked away , and he followed her to the next isle.
I realized she's looking for me , but probably felt embarrassed to raise an alarm.
As I hit the isle , the man saw me our eyes met and I locked my eyes to his. He immediately turned and started walking to another isle, I followed. He headed to the exit. When I reached the exit, he's nowhere in sight.

We all like to believe that everyone is highly civilized , respects personal boundaries and the rule of law. We like to think that they understand that 
" no" means , not interested, scram ,leave me alone. But the truth is, some men only respect the threat of physical violence.

OP. Next time that happens to you , simply walk off, don't try to explain anything. If he follows , either cal security or the police.


----------



## I'll make tea

Do you know him well?

If I do not know them I usually tell those people that my husband is very jealous and has an anger management problem. None of this is ture, but they always get lost after that.
I even made up a husband / boyfriend when I was single when people whistled flirted when I was walking down the street. I told them "Oh, you better get lost, before my husband with the anger managament problem sees you".

My husband is okay with that.


----------



## tracyishere

LostViking said:


> When where and how does he approach you? Can you avoid him?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



It's not just a one time thing. I am usually alone at functions due to my H's social phobia so I get weirdos hitting on me all the time. 

It wouldn't be so bad if I didn't feel bad for telling the guy off. But I cannot seem to muster up enough girl power to do that. 

This guy was a client and obviously had no sense of boundaries. He knew I was a staff I told him that from the beginning. Then he proceeded to ask if I'd visit him, he then offered me his #, I refused and told him I was married, he insisted I take it to "just be friends". I again said no I'd rather not. He then asked me to ensure I visit him still.  

I had never met this man before!


----------



## OhGeesh

tracyishere said:


> It's not just a one time thing. I am usually alone at functions due to my H's social phobia so I get weirdos hitting on me all the time.
> 
> It wouldn't be so bad if I didn't feel bad for telling the guy off. But I cannot seem to muster up enough girl power to do that.
> 
> This guy was a client and obviously had no sense of boundaries. He knew I was a staff I told him that from the beginning. Then he proceeded to ask if I'd visit him, he then offered me his #, I refused and told him I was married, he insisted I take it to "just be friends". I again said no I'd rather not. He then asked me to ensure I visit him still.
> 
> I had never met this man before!


Just be flattered and move on!! For some guys it's all a game anyway!! The point is he (crazy or not) thought you pretty enough to warrant his time, energy, and perseverance.


----------



## tracyishere

I should be flattered? I feel creeped out!


----------



## tracyishere

Caribbean Man said:


> That's because , sometimes the only thing some men respect is the threat of physical violence.
> When a man is around a woman, they respect her because they know the consequence of disrespecting her would be a severe best down , public embarrassment and probably police arrest.
> 
> My wife and I were in a department store once , and whilst she did her shopping , I had a look at some musical electronic equipment. I glanced t her periodically to see if he needed help and observed a man approach her. I thought maybe he worked in the store , but then she walked away , and he followed her to the next isle.
> I realized she's looking for me , but probably felt embarrassed to raise an alarm.
> As I hit the isle , the man saw me our eyes met and I locked my eyes to his. He immediately turned and started walking to another isle, I followed. He headed to the exit. When I reached the exit, he's nowhere in sight.
> 
> We all like to believe that everyone is highly civilized , respects personal boundaries and the rule of law. We like to think that they understand that
> " no" means , not interested, scram ,leave me alone. But the truth is, some men only respect the threat of physical violence.
> 
> OP. Next time that happens to you , simply walk off, don't try to explain anything. If he follows , either cal security or the police.



I love this! I wish my H was there to protect me. I feel that that is a benefit of having a spouse. I told him exactly that when I got home. How I wished he was there so the weirdos would stay away. I married a big guy for a reason.  

Perhaps someday.....


----------



## ReformedHubby

Caribbean Man said:


> That's because , sometimes the only thing some men respect is the threat of physical violence.
> When a man is around a woman, they respect her because they know the consequence of disrespecting her would be a severe best down , public embarrassment and probably police arrest.
> 
> My wife and I were in a department store once , and whilst she did her shopping , I had a look at some musical electronic equipment. I glanced t her periodically to see if he needed help and observed a man approach her. I thought maybe he worked in the store , but then she walked away , and he followed her to the next isle.
> I realized she's looking for me , but probably felt embarrassed to raise an alarm.
> As I hit the isle , the man saw me our eyes met and I locked my eyes to his. He immediately turned and started walking to another isle, I followed. He headed to the exit. When I reached the exit, he's nowhere in sight.
> 
> We all like to believe that everyone is highly civilized , respects personal boundaries and the rule of law. We like to think that they understand that
> " no" means , not interested, scram ,leave me alone. But the truth is, some men only respect the threat of physical violence.


This is so true. Back when my wife used to work there was one particular gentlemen that would get little gifts for the ladies in the office on holiday's like halloween, christmas, and valentines day. In my opinion he was laying bait to see which lady would bite. Of course as usual with my wife, she insisted at first that he wasn't creepy because all the ladies get a candy bar not just her bla, bla, bla. 

I fixed it though. When I was at her holiday party when I met him I gave his hand the death grip handshake and gave him ice stares throughout the evening. A funny thing happened. She stopped getting cute little chocolate based gifts from him on holidays, and he actually started avoiding her. I am an ogre sized man so I'm pretty sure he had visions of me laying hands on him.


----------



## Caribbean Man

ReformedHubby said:


> I fixed it though. When I was at her holiday party when I met him *I gave his hand the death grip handshake and gave him ice stares throughout the evening.* A funny thing happened. She stopped getting cute little chocolate based gifts from him on holidays, and he actually started avoiding her. I am an ogre sized man so I'm pretty sure he had visions of me laying hands on him.


This^^^ works everytime with those obnoxious clowns.


----------



## SlowlyGettingWiser

tracyishere said:


> It wouldn't be so bad if I didn't feel bad for telling the guy off. But I cannot seem to muster up enough girl power to do that. Sometimes it's tough because girls/women are brought up to be "NICE"!!!
> 
> This guy was a client This, in itself, makes it tougher and obviously had no sense of boundaries. He knew I was a staff I told him that from the beginning. Then he proceeded to ask if I'd visit him, he then offered me his #, I refused and told him I was married, Next time say, "I'm MARRIED and NOT INTERESTED." he insisted I take it to "just be friends". Repeat, "I'm NOT INTERESTED." I again said no I'd rather not. 'Rather not' implies you're afraid of crossing social boundaries as opposed to being not interested in this jackhole; it's too passive/wishy-washy of a response. He then asked me to ensure I visit him still.
> 
> I had never met this man before!
> 
> If you find it hard to be "mean" to men like this, re-frame it in your mind. He's asked and you've responded that you're married and not interested. He continues to pursue you which is really him just saying without words, 'I consider you a slvt; who cares what you say/think, you're just a piece to be had if I work you right.'
> 
> NOW do you think you would have any trouble being RUDE to him if he says ANYTHING after you firmly state you're NOT INTERESTED? Dismissing what you say after you've said you're married and not interested tells you all you need to know about azz-clowns like this guy! He is (or thinks he is) a 'player' and it's all a numbers game for him; you're nothing but tonight's potential Piece of A. It's hard NOT to get pissed-off and rude when you think of it like that!
> 
> GOOD LUCK!


----------



## samyeagar

OhGeesh said:


> Just be flattered and move on!! For some guys it's all a game anyway!! The point is he (crazy or not) thought you pretty enough to warrant his time, energy, and perseverance.


Just don't be too flattered by it, especially with some of the other things you have talked about here. It's good for your marriage that you felt kind of creeped out by it.

Also, there is no reason what so ever that you have to be nice, or have to be friends. Don't be rude, just direct, and shut him down. It's alright to completely ignore them after you've said no in a firm, no nonsense, unapologetic way.


----------



## melw74

I hate that...I was out at a karaoke bar about a month ago. (very rarely do i go out without my hubby,) but something fell through on a night my husband and I was suppose to be going out so my husband said to go with my friend to karaoke instead.

Well we was in the pub, I knew a few friends there we were talking and there was this guy, We called him Mr creepy guy talking about what happened at the end of the night.:lol:.

I was sitting down in the pub next to my friend, and this guy was standing by the left of me, Up until that point we was having a laugh, he started talking to us, Mainly trying to have a conversation. Now i know he knew i was married, as he works in the betting shop in town, and me and my hubby had popped in there on occasion..... so we did not really know him, we just knew of him...... anyway....

He was talking to me, but leaning over me, making me feel really uncomfortable, well in the end i got fed up, he was ruining my night, so i said to my mate, we better going soon its getting late (was not really that late).... "so where you going", he says, I said home to my husband and children, He says "ah"..... But then he carries on asking me things, I then just had enough, go up and said were going, he then hugs my mate, and i knew he was gonna hug me...... I just said "sorry i do not do hugs" I walked off.

This guy had totally ruined my night, I was having a good time up until Mr creepy guy came over!!!.

I hate it, some people just do not respect the fact your married, and some just do not care, well i do.

It happens a lot tho when we go to pubs, we will be sitting, and you get some flirty group of people, they know your with someone, but they still act up.

I have actually had my husband tell one guy "get your hands off my wife" when a guy has been overly friendly, you know huggy stuff..... I have to say tho my husband is overly protective of me, and he does think certain things like hugs, kiss on cheek is not acceptable if you do not really know them etc, I mean i am a very friendly, bubbly person, but i know what my husband finds okay and what he does not........ Sorry going off topic now.


----------



## couple

I think there are many different reasons for this but part of it (unfortunately) is that experience tells them that it doesn't make much difference. Obviously nothing is a sure thing when chatting up women but their experience tells them that the odds are not much different whether married or not.


----------



## WyshIknew

tracyishere said:


> It's not just a one time thing. I am usually alone at functions due to my H's social phobia so I get weirdos hitting on me all the time.
> 
> It wouldn't be so bad if I didn't feel bad for telling the guy off. But I cannot seem to muster up enough girl power to do that.
> 
> This guy was a client and obviously had no sense of boundaries. He knew I was a staff I told him that from the beginning. Then he proceeded to ask if I'd visit him, he then offered me his #, I refused and told him I was married, he insisted I take it to "just be friends". I again said no I'd rather not. He then asked me to ensure I visit him still.
> 
> I had never met this man before!


Because he knows if he works his 'moves' on enough pretty girls one of them will bite. Not every one has the morals to say "NO".

It's the way many of these guys work unfortunately.


----------



## 6301

tracyishere said:


> It wouldn't be so bad if I didn't feel bad for telling the guy off. But I cannot seem to muster up enough girl power to do that.


 Sometimes you find guys that for some reason, can't get the hint. If that happens then there comes a point in time when you have to find that "girl power" and let him know that his advances are bordering on the annoying.

It's one thing to get hit on and yeah it's flattering to think that you still got it but when the hitter can't get the idea that he struck out, then you have to suck it up and tell him in a way that he understands that you have no interest. It's his own fault if he gets insulted.


----------



## tracyishere

Ugh! I'm wearing a muumuu to my next event.


----------



## tracyishere

For the record I felt I was pretty direct about my lack of interest. Didn't seem to help. He just continued to linger and sit next to me. 

In the end it was my son who saved me by pulling me out on the dance floor. Who knew he'd be my perfect date after all?


----------



## Ikaika

tracyishere said:


> Ugh! I'm wearing a moo moo to my next event.


Or a burka. I think SGW speaks words of wisdom, excellent advice.


----------



## RandomDude

WyshIknew said:


> Because he knows if he works his 'moves' on enough pretty girls one of them will bite. Not every one has the morals to say "NO".
> 
> It's the way many of these guys work unfortunately.


Aye, different men work differently, some do this:










Others prefer this:


----------



## Decorum

I work with a man whose attitude is, if your wife is ok with it I'm ok with it, its vile.


----------



## tracyishere

randomdude said:


> aye, different men work differently, some do this:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> others prefer this:



lmao :rofl:


----------



## the guy

I wish I could give you an explanation, but I'm just not wired that way.
I'm going to guess that in some cases and depending on the line of work some guys count on this flirtation to be reciprocated.

Or that these guys got lucky before with this type of crap.

Maybe its just their way of being passively dominant toward women.

I just wish my old lady was more like you...I wouldn't even be here.

Maybe we should just blame this on Mrs. the-guy...she makes girls like you have to deal with guys like that.:lol:


----------



## YupItsMe

His persistence has worked elsewhere so he is testing your commitment to see if it is breakable. I wouldn't be flattered. He doesn't respect you or your wishes.


----------



## tracyishere

YupItsMe said:


> His persistence has worked elsewhere so he is testing your commitment to see if it is breakable. I wouldn't be flattered. He doesn't respect you or your wishes.


I agree. Had he stopped I perhaps would have felt flattered, but his blatant disregard of my feelings and marriage made me feel more annoyed and angry than anything.


----------



## YupItsMe

It is difficult for a husband refraining from visiting these aholes for a talking to or a can o whoop azz when they can't respond appropriately to a polite rejection from our wives since it is also disrespectful of the husband.


----------



## tracyishere

I should've given him a close up of my ring. HAHAHA Yeah right


----------



## HeartInPieces

OhGeesh said:


> Just be flattered and move on!! For some guys it's all a game anyway!! The point is he (crazy or not) thought you pretty enough to warrant his time, energy, and perseverance.



Yeah I agree. Getting attention from the opposite sex can be a good confident boost and it is flattering. Still some guys cross the line and don’t know when to stop. When someone is telling they are married it’s time for you call a warp and move on to the next person.


----------



## tracyishere

My new attire


----------



## YupItsMe

Pandakiss said:


> If some douch bag guy will not take the hint, I get cute mean. Such as, you don't look like you can afford me, I have a shoe problem and they start at 200 bucks.... with a head shake, you don't look like you can. Since most guys are prideful they pull out their wallet, I laugh shake my head, honey, that can't pay for my makeup. Do you think your wife/girlfriend would approve of you hitting on some random chick, if they say they don't have one, then I say did your grandmother raise you like this....call her.
> 
> I also say, Oooo you need to up yo game at parkin lot pimpin/ bus stop pimpin. I have 4 kids. You do know no means no right, aww that's a nice car, too bad you spent all your money in it. I think you forgot your manners, this conversation was over before it started. Oh you have kids too, it must be great to be a weekend dad, see you don't have time for me, go see your kids.
> 
> Each quip is with a hand flip and a laugh and a dead pan "bye". Sometimes just a go away I'm busy. Does this talk work with women who aren't brain dead. They game is to annoy you so you just give them your number so they go away. Your game is to insult them so they get mad and leave you alone.
> 
> I've said once, aww you must really love your barber, that is a "great" line up, said with that yeesh face, like you are watching a train wreck. He stormed off lol. I do lots of huffin and breathing I eye roll and if they step close I step back. I act like I can't hear what they said, then ask why are you shouting.
> 
> Best line, if they have a car, and some sexual comment is made, you laugh with the hand wave, maybe a real car, not a match box. They don't get it at first and gives you a out to walk away. Tell him you have the perfect guy for him, oh you aren't gay??? I didn't think you were serious with that game. You ain't doin it right, with a head shake and I have to stand over here alone now.


I disagree with the wisdom of smart ass, insulting comments and smug interaction. Some of these idiots are dangerous. 

You can end up hurt by pushing the wrong buttons talking to a sociopath. Intentionally angering a questionable person that doesn't recognize reasonable boundaries is a stupid move in my view. 

An exhaustive list of practiced insults is an indicator of unneeded baggage. Carrying all that mean-spirited crap around in your heart can't be healthy. 

There are smarter and more respectful ways to handle a situation described.


----------



## tracyishere

I like to believe this to be true as well. I would rather not demean or belittle someone who perhaps lacks the capability of understanding social cues (such as Aspergers). 

I usually just find an excuse to leave.


----------



## always_alone

Just practice your F-U vibe.

A lot of these don't-give-up types are just enjoying making you react, and I find that often the best way to handle it is just don't give them one. You don't have to be rude, you don't have to be forceful, or risk antagonizing him. Instead be impassive, don't blush, tease or giggle; don't roll your eyes or laugh at him; don't get angry or insulting. Just a quick "not interested, thank you," as though he were a pushy salesman, and then ignore him, as though he were a piece of furniture.

He'll soon get bored and find someone else to bug.


----------



## 6301

I saw something play out once at a swimming pool back in the early 70's.

We were at a public pool with some friends. My buddy is a big dude. 6'5" and 260 pounds and not fat. His wife is 4'10" and 90 pounds. 

We were waiting for him by the concession stand while he was getting fries for his wife and a couple of guys came up by his wife and checked out this cute little lady wearing a red bikini and asked her to join them at their blanket. She politely declined and they kept asking and she keeps declining.

Now after about a couple minuets of this, she's getting pissed and even though she's tiny, she can be a handful when she gets irritated. We used to call her Chief Wahoo when this happened because she's Sioux native American 100%. Finally she told the guy to go ask her husband and if he says it's OK then she'll join them. He said fine where is he and she said "right behind you". He turned around and he looked like he was standing next to a tree and looked up as my buddy looked down at him and in a low voice told him "back off my wife now." 

This guy and his friend made an about face and got out of there and kept looking over their shoulder for fear they would get killed. It was fun to watch and especially him because he's kind of over protective of her. 

Some guys just don't know when no means no. Sad.


----------



## tracyishere

always_alone said:


> Just practice your F-U vibe.
> 
> 
> 
> A lot of these don't-give-up types are just enjoying making you react, and I find that often the best way to handle it is just don't give them one. You don't have to be rude, you don't have to be forceful, or risk antagonizing him. Instead be impassive, don't blush, tease or giggle; don't roll your eyes or laugh at him; don't get angry or insulting. Just a quick "not interested, thank you," as though he were a pushy salesman, and then ignore him, as though he were a piece of furniture.
> 
> 
> 
> He'll soon get bored and find someone else to bug.



Well I admit, I have a very hard time ignoring someone. I didn't initiate conversation, but when he spoke I listened and answered. 

He sat next to me as if he were my date for like 45mins before my son dragged me away. It was a long awkward 45mins.


----------



## 6301

Tracy.

When I was in my mid 40's, I was at a bar with that same big guy with the tiny wife. A woman came over, started talking to me and I had no interest at all. Just wasn't my type and honestly wasn't in the mood since my second marriage went down the toilet a month before.

She wanted to buy me a beer and I said thanks but no than you. She kept pressing me and I finally told her that I'm not interested but in a polite way. I didn't want any trouble. 

She gets pissed and said, "What. are you gay or something?" I looked at her and told her,"Well. If your the only alternative." 

Thought the woman was going to hit me. Thankfully my buddy got between us along with the bartender and moved her out of my face. It's no only guys.


----------



## tracyishere

I don't doubt that. Obviously there are also persistent women in this world as well. That's why we have this site.


----------



## the guy

tracyishere said:


> I don't doubt that. Obviously there are also persistent women in this world as well. That's why we have this site.


:iagree:

Hell tracy you hit the nail on the head, you hit it out of the ball park, but then again our weak spouses have some part in why we are here at this site.


----------



## tracyishere

Yes. They always have a choice.


----------



## Starstarfish

Every time I read a thread like this, I can't figure out if I'm ugly or look meaner than help, or Midwestern men are just stifled. 

I can only say I've been legitimately hit on by a random guy once since I've been married, when we went out to our wedding dinner by a drunk guy at the bar, lol. 

My only other experiences are in retail jobs when I've been "on the clock" and customers just feel like being creepy. But - I get the idea it wasn't aimed at me personally, they were just going to be a creep to whoever happened to get them in their checkout lane.


----------



## tracyishere

Just be grateful you don't have some weirdo sitting next to you for 45mins.


----------



## tracyishere

I like your spunk. I think I could use a bit more of that.


----------



## tracyishere

tracyishere said:


> I like your spunk. I think I could use a bit more of that.



I probably wouldn't have been sitting for 45mins with a weirdo if I had.


----------



## 6301

Pandakiss said:


> I respectfully disagree. I'm a mean little b!tch. Usually I'm very kind, but this assh0le dosent understand no, I don't want your number, I'm very married, I don't fvck around, i will not give you my number.
> 
> If you cannot take the hint, then the snarky b!tch will tell you where to get off....all with a smile and a sweet voice, hair flip, and a dismissive hand wave.
> 
> 9 outta 10 guys are very nice and respect me and say sorry. Some guy on the bus with me told me I shouldn't be catching the bus, actually what he said was, (and it was sweet) my fine ass should be with a real man taking care of me and driving me around.
> 
> We were both in the bus, and I "nicely" pointed it out, and said I'm married, thanks anyways. He got but hurt about being called out, so I laughed said something about how was he sitting on the same bus I was and I called his financial situation out, well then I was a money grubbin ho. So I didn't feel bad about being mean.
> 
> Come correct and like a man. Be respectful and walk away like a man, or get insulted like the man child you are. Just sayin....
> 
> I love havin feeling hurting insults at the ready. But where we are from it's called snaps. I'm as nice and sweet as can be, I will do anything for a friend, my last $5, the shirt off my back....but cross me, I got the mouth of a sailor, and the mind of a dirty old man, you will get your ego bruised.


 I agree with you to a point but what you don't understand is that somewhere along the line you just might get hit on by some dude who is slightly or more irrational and these types of people refuse to believe that their doing anything wrong and think that when you smart mouth them for their bad behavior, they take it personally and that's when the trouble starts and you could get into serious trouble with this guy and I've seen it happens and yeah he goes to jail for being an A hole but the victim of his wrath is paying a heavy price too when he cuts loose on you and you find yourself bleeding on a sidewalk somewhere. 

Gotta be careful in this crazy world.


----------



## alexm

I think I told this story in another thread already, but it fits here.

A few months ago, my wife went out with some friends for a tame bachelorette party. restaurant, followed by a visit to a local pub/bar. When I asked her the next day how her night had gone, she laughed and told me all about this guy who hit on her several times. Kept coming over to their table and trying to chat her up. First response was "I'm married" and flashed the ring. He came back 3 or 4 more times, and she was past irritated by this point.

The last time he came over, she told him straight up "if you come back here and interrupt us one more time, I'm going to knock your ****ing teeth out." The whole table of ladies erupted in laughter, and the guy LEFT THE BAR. It was apparently loud enough that people nearby heard what she said and turned to look. Nothing like a little public shaming to make somebody get the hint.

Although a funny story (and one they will all remember, no doubt), I did point out that he may very well have been waiting for her in the parking lot afterwards... There's no telling what people like this can resort to when humiliated like that. You always hear about murderers who killed the person who rejected/humiliated them. I gave her a high five anyway, but also cautioned against being that harsh if it happens again. Or to at least tell a male bartender or bouncer or something and see if they'll walk you out later on. No shame in that. No bar/pub/club wants to end up in the news the next day because a patron got murdered or abducted in their parking lot.

This is why I find this type of behaviour particularly abhorrent. There's nothing wrong with hitting on a woman, BUT... you take the first "no" and you walk away. Seriously, give up. There's playing hard to get, and there's "not interested, thank you." Learn to tell the difference. Once you start coming back, or you never left in the first place, it's entirely possible you can not only ruin her evening out, but also scare the bejeezus out of her.


----------



## tracyishere

You guys are making me feel all paranoid now.

So instead let this weirdo sit there while thinks he is my man for the night? 

Eventually something would've had to been said more bluntly had I not been rescued. 

What is the best approach then?


----------



## alexm

tracyishere said:


> You guys are making me feel all paranoid now.
> 
> So instead let this weirdo sit there while thinks he is my man for the night?
> 
> Eventually something would've had to been said more bluntly had I not been rescued.
> 
> What is the best approach then?


Speaking as a man (and not one who has made a lot of pickup attempts in my life), I would be firm but not rude. You don't have to be polite, just stay away from the insults. The last thing you want to do is piss off the wrong guy (and you can never tell who's a sociopath or not. Doesn't matter how good looking they are, how well they're dressed, or how intelligent they sound.)

Also, remember that innocuous things like smiling or laughing can make them think that they might have a chance.

Just a simple "no thank you" should suffice. If you give a reason (ie. I'm married, or I'm just out with my friends) then that gives them something to counter. If you act like you're even the slightest bit flattered, they'll think they have a chance.

A few years ago, I was out with my wife, a male friend and 3 or 4 other women friends of ours. All the women, except for my wife, were sitting at one one of our table. A guy came over, actually sat down with them, without asking, and said something like "how are you ladies all doing tonight?" One of the girls said "hi" and nothing more, then they continued talking amongst themselves and with us, effectively freezing that guy out. He got up and left very quickly. He wasn't given a chance to carry on a conversation. Nobody smiled at him, or answered his question, or engaged him, or even really looked at him. Nobody tried to embarrass him, and none of them even watched him walk away. Sometimes the plain old "ignore" tactic works wonders.

For my part, I have been single and in bars many many times in my life. Even when I was younger, I never had any desire to try to pick up a woman. Even when one caught my eye. It's not that I was shy or not outgoing. It's just never been something I've ever been interested in. The small amount of times I've hooked up with somebody during a night out, it's been almost accidental. Nobody hit on the other, nobody was there to score, nobody was trying to be a PUA. The best kinds of hookups, imo, are when you don't mean to, and they kind of just happen. Those are so much more exciting than scanning the room and trying to talk to anyone and everyone in the hopes one of them will bite. ugh.

And in reverse, I've been hit on a few times in my life in bars, and I've never gone for it. As unmanly as it sounds, I've never had the desire to go home with someone who is trying to go home with me. So in a weird way, I wasn't interested in a challenge OR in an easy lay, either. Somewhere in between, where everybody retains their dignity, and it just happens.


----------



## 6301

tracyishere said:


> You guys are making me feel all paranoid now.
> 
> So instead let this weirdo sit there while thinks he is my man for the night?
> 
> Eventually something would've had to been said more bluntly had I not been rescued.
> 
> What is the best approach then?


 It all depends. If some guy is irritating you then if your at a party, tell the host, or if your with some friends at a bar minding your own business and some guy comes over and wont take no for an answer, then inform the manager.

I was going to say that you could also leave but I find that unfair. Why should you leave when the guy's being an ass. 

 I'm starting to understand why women walk to their car holding their car keys as a weapon. It's an unfair world Tracy, and if your uncomfortable and it was me, I would leave rather than run the risk of some guy trying getting ugly. Sorry. It's not your fault just because if a woman is polite, a guy thinks it's a come on.


----------



## Rowan

Tracy, it's been my unfortunate experience that some men will interpret "I'm married" in a hopeful manner. They somehow imagine that you being married is merely an unfortunate, annoying, and the _only_, impediment to you shagging them in a bathroom stall in the next five minutes. So they'll keep trying to talk you around. They think that you mean that you're married so you'll have to be discreet, not that you're married and aren't interested. That's why "I'm married" or worse, "Sorry, I'm married" isn't enough. You actually have to say, "I'm not interested." 

If he's still hovering you have to politely excuse yourself, get up, and walk away. Go freshen your drink, or powder your nose, or head to the corner to speak to that woman from accounting, or go find your dear Aunt Martha for a good coze, or whatever. 

You should not have sat there for 45 minutes with him. Don't be rude, but be direct about your disinterest. And if he's going to lurk about, then you get up and go be elsewhere for a while.


----------



## Ikaika

Rowan said:


> Tracy, it's been my unfortunate experience that some men will interpret "I'm married" in a hopeful manner. They somehow imagine that you being married is merely an unfortunate, annoying, and the _only_, impediment to you shagging them in a bathroom stall in the next five minutes. So they'll keep trying to talk you around. They think that you mean that you're married so you'll have to be discreet, not that you're married and aren't interested. That's why "I'm married" or worse, "Sorry, I'm married" isn't enough. You actually have to say, "I'm not interested."
> 
> If he's still hovering you have to politely excuse yourself, get up, and walk away. Go freshen your drink, or powder your nose, or head to the corner to speak to that woman from accounting, or go find your dear Aunt Martha for a good coze, or whatever.
> 
> You should not have sat there for 45 minutes with him. Don't be rude, but be direct about your disinterest. And if he's going to lurk about, then you get up and go be elsewhere for a while.


Spot on :iagree:


----------



## ScarletBegonias

I'd just sit and talk about my husband and his big fat c*ck the whole time.See if that will make him focus his attention elsewhere.

True story...was at the gas pump of all places when this guy starts out by asking questions regarding my car.Then predictably he inserts "that's a hot little car for a hot little woman" (ugh really man??that's all you could think of?) So I looked at him squarely and said "yes it's a great car.My amazing husband fingered me to 4 orgasms in it just before I left the house this morning..something about a hot husband and that buttery leather against the skin... Have a great day."

His face turned more shades of red than I could count.Thankfully the timing was good so I was just finishing up and left


----------



## tracyishere

I don't like feeling rude though. I felt sorry for the guy. I imagine it takes allot of courage to approach a woman...only to get shut-down. 

This is why I need my H to scare them off! Or I need to grow a pair.


----------



## tracyishere

ScarletBegonias said:


> I'd just sit and talk about my husband and his big fat c*ck the whole time.See if that will make him focus his attention elsewhere.
> 
> True story...was at the gas pump of all places when this guy starts out by asking questions regarding my car.Then predictably he inserts "that's a hot little car for a hot little woman" (ugh really man??that's all you could think of?) So I looked at him squarely and said "yes it's a great car.My amazing husband fingered me to 4 orgasms in it just before I left the house this morning..something about a hot husband and that buttery leather against the skin... Have a great day."
> 
> His face turned more shades of red than I could count.Thankfully the timing was good so I was just finishing up and left


----------



## ScarletBegonias

It takes courage yes.Courage he shouldn't use on a woman wearing a wedding band.They're not hard to spot.


----------



## CalBanker

ScarletBegonias said:


> I'd just sit and talk about my husband and his big fat c*ck the whole time.See if that will make him focus his attention elsewhere.
> 
> True story...was at the gas pump of all places when this guy starts out by asking questions regarding my car.Then predictably he inserts "that's a hot little car for a hot little woman" (ugh really man??that's all you could think of?) So I looked at him squarely and said "yes it's a great car.My amazing husband fingered me to 4 orgasms in it just before I left the house this morning..something about a hot husband and that buttery leather against the skin... Have a great day."
> 
> His face turned more shades of red than I could count.Thankfully the timing was good so I was just finishing up and left


That is awesome!


----------



## Ikaika

ScarletBegonias said:


> I'd just sit and talk about my husband and his big fat c*ck the whole time.See if that will make him focus his attention elsewhere.
> 
> True story...was at the gas pump of all places when this guy starts out by asking questions regarding my car.Then predictably he inserts "*that's a hot little car for a hot little woman*" (ugh really man??that's all you could think of?) So I looked at him squarely and said "yes it's a great car.My amazing husband fingered me to 4 orgasms in it just before I left the house this morning..something about a hot husband and that buttery leather against the skin... Have a great day."
> 
> His face turned more shades of red than I could count.Thankfully the timing was good so I was just finishing up and left


Not that I would advocate it, but for a line like that a scoring card would come in handy. Lift up a card, 1.5 (out of 10). Geez, there are guys who talk like this?


----------



## ScarletBegonias

CalBanker said:


> That is awesome!


LOL I do not usually talk like that but the guy was giving me chills in the worst way. Normally I smile and say something benign until I can get away.


----------



## CalBanker

What is scary to, have some of these guys had luck going after a woman after she says that she is married? 

My W has also had to say something to some men in the past after they've made flirtatious comments. I've also had co-workers who are married and we are at a work function ask me to act as their hubby since we are both wearing bands, because the guy sitting by her can't get the clue.


----------



## Ikaika

tracyishere said:


> I don't like feeling rude though. I felt sorry for the guy. I imagine it takes allot of courage to approach a woman...only to get shut-down.
> 
> This is why I need my H to scare them off! Or I need to grow a pair.


But once you said you were married, it is not about being shut-down, it is more about... next. He needs to look for someone available. 

I have had on three occasion three female students try to test my boundaries. The worst was a student that walked into my office closed the door and bent over my desk with her "goods" practically falling all the way out. 

I got up, opened my door and offered her a seat and my jacket. I love my wife and my career. I am an advocate for non-rude directness. It can be done. Not saying everyone respects it, but I think for the most part at some point 90%+ of people will get it.


----------



## SurpriseMyself

tracyishere said:


> Why is it that if I am out without my husband and I get approached by a man who becomes overly flirtatious so I tell him I'm am married, he still continues to flirt and/or says so what?


Tell the guy that because you respect the institution of marriage, you would never do anything to jeopardize it and you hope he would do the same. That usually drives the sleaze bags away.


----------



## ScarletBegonias

I think they latch onto a warm,friendly and bubbly vibe too.A lot of women don't like being labeled as b*tches when they're firm with people so many will try to be firm while still keeping their warmth and bubbly personality at the surface.This gives the more dense and socially inept people a "no means yes" vibe.


----------



## Ikaika

ebp123 said:


> Tell the guy that because you respect the institution of marriage, you would never do anything to jeopardize it and you hope he would do the same. That usually drives the sleaze bags away.


Again, I think this is salient advice. Direct but respectful.


----------



## tracyishere

Ok. I like that, I can handle that approach. "Sorry, I am married and I would never cheat on my husband. Perhaps you should be looking elsewhere."

Is that direct enough?


----------



## CalBanker

ScarletBegonias said:


> I think they latch onto a warm,friendly and bubbly vibe too.A lot of women don't like being labeled as b*tches when they're firm with people so many will try to be firm while still keeping their warmth and bubbly personality at the surface.This gives the more dense and socially inept people a "no means yes" vibe.


I would totally agree. And also if they've had a drink or two that "no means yes" gets stronger in their head.


----------



## Ikaika

tracyishere said:


> Ok. I like that, I can handle that approach. "Sorry, I am married and I would never cheat on my husband. Perhaps you should be looking elsewhere."
> 
> Is that direct enough?


Sounds pretty good. If he persist, then it is time to find another seat, walk away, etc. In other words find a way to not have to be social with him. And, if he ask why it is just simply a matter of saying "...because you obviously don't respect my boundaries".


----------



## thunderstruck

tracyishere said:


> So instead let this weirdo sit there while thinks he is my man for the night?
> 
> What is the best approach then?


tracy to creep - "You ever had Mono? My doc just told me it's real contagious. I don't know, but my throat feels like it has glass in it right now."



tracyishere said:


> I imagine it takes allot of courage to approach a woman...only to get shut-down.


Not really. For guys like this, it's just a numbers game. They know if they approach 10 women with their BS, one will probably welcome it. They are used to getting shot down.


----------



## tracyishere

The problem with that approach is that I live in a small town. Rumors spread fast. The last thing I want is people gossiping about what a B!tch I am or that I have some kind of STI. then not only have I scared him away, I'll have scared half the population of my town! :rofl:


----------



## CalBanker

tracyishere said:


> The problem with that approach is that I live in a small town. Rumors spread fast. The last thing I want is people gossiping about what a B!tch I am or that I have some kind of STI. then not only have I scared him away, I'll have scared half the population of my town! :rofl:


Does the Mr. Ishy have to worry about being the guy that can't respect boundaries?


----------



## ScarletBegonias

tracyishere said:


> The problem with that approach is that I live in a small town. Rumors spread fast. *The last thing I want is people gossiping about what a B!tch I am*


If it keeps creepers away,there's really no reason to care.There's a freedom that comes along with not giving a f**k what people say about you.It's always nice when people think you're a b*tch because then you get to see the look of appreciation and shock when they realize you're a great person.That makes the people spreading the rumor look ridiculous.


----------



## tracyishere

I'd rather not have people think that about me in the first place. I do care about how others see me. And I like that I do. I don't want to be someone who offends others, it is not me.


----------



## tracyishere

CalBanker said:


> Does the Mr. Ishy have to worry about being the guy that can't respect boundaries?


I don't understand your question. Are you implying I slept with half the town?:rofl:


----------



## CalBanker

tracyishere said:


> I'd rather not have people think that about me in the first place. I do care about how others see me. And I like that I do. I don't want to be someone who offends others, it is not me.


Mr Ishy may already have a little bit of a reputation as it is, so I wouldn't worry about him spreading any rumors that people would give credence to.


----------



## CalBanker

tracyishere said:


> I don't understand your question. Are you implying I slept with half the town?:rofl:


You are worried about being called a ***** or such around town, don't you think Mr. Ishy has to worry about being called Mr. Ishy around town. I'd give no credence to Mr. Ishy, be a ***** all you want to him if he can't respect you after letting him know you are married.


----------



## tracyishere

Good Point


----------



## JustSomeGuyWho

Had this happen to me once with a woman. I was on a business trip at one of our large offices. There was a woman I barely knew who worked there who seemed to go out of her way to talk to me. She made no impression on me and even though I made the trip every couple of weeks I couldn't remember her name when I saw her.

She knew my wife was pregnant and on one trip she saw me come out of the restroom and she stopped me, asking how my wife was doing. What she didn't know was just that week we lost the baby. I told her and instead of reacting like a normal person, her face brightened and although I can't remember what she said she seemed to hit on me suddenly. 

It was the next trip that it got weirder. I went out to happy hour with a number of employees at a hotel. I got a beer and went out to the patio where the group was sitting around a large table. She was there and when she saw me she called me over to sit next to her. Not wanting to make things awkward I sat down. We were all talking as a group and she was becoming increasingly flirtatious, directing questions towards me. Suddenly the guy next to me says ... 'you know he's married don't you?' She says ... 'Yes, I know ... so what?' Jaws dropped around the table.

Later we all decided to go somewhere else to eat. I didn't have a car so I was looking around to go with someone. She pulls up and tells me to get in. I looked around uncomfortably for another car but then one of the guys grabbed me and said 'here, I'll go with you guys.' We get there and start walking in when she says, 'oh no, I think I left my phone at the hotel' and then promptly hands me her keys and tells me to drive her back because she's had too much to drink. I paused as I was frantically trying to find an excuse to get out of it. Thankfully one of the guys grabs the keys out of my hand and says he'd do it.

They come back and he pulls me aside and tells me that the cell phone was in her car all along. The thing is that she knew that people from the home office always stayed at this hotel. She assumed as I found out later that I was staying there too but it was booked on this trip and I was staying somewhere else. On the car trip back to the airport, one of the guys gave me a hard time about all of it. The CEO and CIO of the company were in the car too and after we all had a big laugh, the CEO says 'don't give her a hard time, she's a nice girl' WTH?

While I was flattered, I also thought ... WTH is wrong with people?

_Posted via *Topify* on Android_


----------



## thunderstruck

tracyishere said:


> Ok. I like that, I can handle that approach. "Sorry, I am married and I would never cheat on my husband. Perhaps you should be looking elsewhere."
> 
> Is that direct enough?


Might work with some. I told a woman something like that a few months ago...she ramped up her efforts by being more direct with s*x talk. With some of these people, your best bet is to just remove yourself from them.


----------



## tracyishere

I don't think there is a winning answer then. It sounds like if you are too direct and aggressive you risk the chance of pissing the guy off and possibly getting hurt yourself, but if you are not direct enough you risk him thinking you are just playing hard to get.

Maybe I should just can him and walk away! HAHAHA


----------



## tracyishere

JustSomeGuyWho said:


> Had this happen to me once with a woman. I was on a business trip at one of our large offices. There was a woman I barely knew who worked there who seemed to go out of her way to talk to me. She made no impression on me and even though I made the trip every couple of weeks I couldn't remember her name when I saw her.
> 
> She knew my wife was pregnant and on one trip she saw me come out of the restroom and she stopped me, asking how my wife was doing. What she didn't know was just that week we lost the baby. I told her and instead of reacting like a normal person, her face brightened and although I can't remember what she said she seemed to hit on me suddenly.
> 
> It was the next trip that it got weirder. I went out to happy hour with a number of employees at a hotel. I got a beer and went out to the patio where the group was sitting around a large table. She was there and when she saw me she called me over to sit next to her. Not wanting to make things awkward I sat down. We were all talking as a group and she was becoming increasingly flirtatious, directing questions towards me. Suddenly the guy next to me says ... 'you know he's married don't you?' She says ... 'Yes, I know ... so what?' Jaws dropped around the table.
> 
> Later we all decided to go somewhere else to eat. I didn't have a car so I was looking around to go with someone. She pulls up and tells me to get in. I looked around uncomfortably for another car but then one of the guys grabbed me and said 'here, I'll go with you guys.' We get there and start walking in when she says, 'oh no, I think I left my phone at the hotel' and then promptly hands me her keys and tells me to drive her back because she's had too much to drink. I paused as I was frantically trying to find an excuse to get out of it. Thankfully one of the guys grabs the keys out of my hand and says he'd do it.
> 
> They come back and he pulls me aside and tells me that the cell phone was in her car all along. The thing is that she knew that people from the home office always stayed at this hotel. She assumed as I found out later that I was staying there too but it was booked on this trip and I was staying somewhere else. On the car trip back to the airport, one of the guys gave me a hard time about all of it. The CEO and CIO of the company were in the car too and after we all had a big laugh, the CEO says 'don't give her a hard time, she's a nice girl' WTH?
> 
> While I was flattered, I also thought ... WTH is wrong with people?
> 
> _Posted via *Topify* on Android_


I think some people are turned on by the "badness" of being with a married person.


----------



## DvlsAdvc8

tracyishere said:


> I should be flattered? I feel creeped out!


Both. Dude was into you, but also didn't show you any respect.


----------



## DvlsAdvc8

tracyishere said:


> I think some people are turned on by the "badness" of being with a married person.


True. A lot of those taboo things come with an extra charge. Probably the same phenomenon that drives wanting to have sex in a public space with the risk of getting caught.


----------



## JustSomeGuyWho

tracyishere said:


> JustSomeGuyWho said:
> 
> 
> 
> Had this happen to me once with a woman. I was on a business trip at one of our large offices. There was a woman I barely knew who worked there who seemed to go out of her way to talk to me. She made no impression on me and even though I made the trip every couple of weeks I couldn't remember her name when I saw her.
> 
> She knew my wife was pregnant and on one trip she saw me come out of the restroom and she stopped me, asking how my wife was doing. What she didn't know was just that week we lost the baby. I told her and instead of reacting like a normal person, her face brightened and although I can't remember what she said she seemed to hit on me suddenly.
> 
> It was the next trip that it got weirder. I went out to happy hour with a number of employees at a hotel. I got a beer and went out to the patio where the group was sitting around a large table. She was there and when she saw me she called me over to sit next to her. Not wanting to make things awkward I sat down. We were all talking as a group and she was becoming increasingly flirtatious, directing questions towards me. Suddenly the guy next to me says ... 'you know he's married don't you?' She says ... 'Yes, I know ... so what?' Jaws dropped around the table.
> 
> Later we all decided to go somewhere else to eat. I didn't have a car so I was looking around to go with someone. She pulls up and tells me to get in. I looked around uncomfortably for another car but then one of the guys grabbed me and said 'here, I'll go with you guys.' We get there and start walking in when she says, 'oh no, I think I left my phone at the hotel' and then promptly hands me her keys and tells me to drive her back because she's had too much to drink. I paused as I was frantically trying to find an excuse to get out of it. Thankfully one of the guys grabs the keys out of my hand and says he'd do it.
> 
> They come back and he pulls me aside and tells me that the cell phone was in her car all along. The thing is that she knew that people from the home office always stayed at this hotel. She assumed as I found out later that I was staying there too but it was booked on this trip and I was staying somewhere else. On the car trip back to the airport, one of the guys gave me a hard time about all of it. The CEO and CIO of the company were in the car too and after we all had a big laugh, the CEO says 'don't give her a hard time, she's a nice girl' WTH?
> 
> While I was flattered, I also thought ... WTH is wrong with people?
> 
> _Posted via *Topify* on Android_
> 
> 
> 
> I think some people are turned on by the "badness" of being with a married person.
Click to expand...

Ha! Probably. I only wish my wife was turned on by being with a married person ... me! 

_Posted via *Topify* on Android_


----------



## Ikaika

tracyishere said:


> I think some people are turned on by the "badness" of being with a married person.


Or they assume sex without a commitment is what is in store for them. 

I don't think this is a no win situation. Again, simply my opinion: I think you can be respectfully direct and let him know that you have no intention of having any (and that is ANY) form of inappropriate social interactions with him. If he can't respect that, then you let him know you cannot have ANY social interaction (even those considered appropriate) at all with him. 

I like direct without a big scene, but that is me.


----------



## JustSomeGuyWho

DvlsAdvc8 said:


> tracyishere said:
> 
> 
> 
> I think some people are turned on by the "badness" of being with a married person.
> 
> 
> 
> True. A lot of those taboo things come with an extra charge. Probably the same phenomenon that drives wanting to have sex in a public space with the risk of getting caught.
Click to expand...

What I thought was weird was that suddenly because my wife was no longer pregnant, I was fair game.

_Posted via *Topify* on Android_


----------



## JustSomeGuyWho

DvlsAdvc8 said:


> tracyishere said:
> 
> 
> 
> I think some people are turned on by the "badness" of being with a married person.
> 
> 
> 
> True. A lot of those taboo things come with an extra charge. Probably the same phenomenon that drives wanting to have sex in a public space with the risk of getting caught.
Click to expand...

Reminds me of a rather shocking fb post I saw a few months ago. She posted something like 'I just did a married man at so and so's place'. This is a woman who worked at a former company and was fb friends with half the company. What kind of screwed up person do you need to be to do something like that and announce it to the world.

_Posted via *Topify* on Android_


----------



## thunderstruck

JustSomeGuyWho said:


> What I thought was weird was that suddenly because my wife was no longer pregnant, I was fair game.
> 
> _Posted via *Topify* on Android_


Sure. In her mind you weren't "locked in" with a new baby, so she could bang you good, and steal you from your W.


----------



## tracyishere

JustSomeGuyWho said:


> What I thought was weird was that suddenly because my wife was no longer pregnant, I was fair game.
> 
> _Posted via *Topify* on Android_


I think she had you marked as game all along. She probably just assumed since your wife lost her baby (so sorry, btw) you would be more likely to take the bait.


----------



## DvlsAdvc8

tracyishere said:


> I don't think there is a winning answer then. It sounds like if you are too direct and aggressive you risk the chance of pissing the guy off and possibly getting hurt yourself, but if you are not direct enough you risk him thinking you are just playing hard to get.
> 
> Maybe I should just can him and walk away! HAHAHA


Just ignore him and talk as little as possible. Even negative engagement is still engagement that he'll play on. I might mangle the phrasing, but hopefully you'll get the gist: there are a ton of women who say "no"... but just keep right on engaging even while they say no. In my experience, a lot of these women are really saying "give me a good reason to say yes. I'm still here." Some, just because they eat up the attention. Its recognizable and such women are "game" to an unethical man.

Don't be "still here". Don't engage in any way other than what you have to for work.


----------



## dblkman

have you looked at YOU lately lol!! not that it's an excuse for men who know you are married and still try to flirt. It's human nature!! Just ignore it and go on!


----------



## dblkman

what is fascinating is more women tried to flirt with me after I got married. My thinking was where the heck were you when I was single?!?!? lol


----------



## alexm

tracyishere said:


> I imagine it takes allot of courage to approach a woman...only to get shut-down.


Nah. It takes courage for the man who's genuinely interested in getting to know the woman sitting at the bar. It only takes courage for those guys who have more at stake than not going home alone that night. It takes courage for a guy (or girl) to introduce themselves to a stranger and ensure they don't come across as a PUA, and maybe leave with a phone number. It takes courage to call the number, try to set up a date, then go on a date, and maybe start an actual relationship.

It takes absolutely nothing for the guy who wants to NAIL the woman sitting at the bar. He doesn't care how he comes across. He just wants to see if you're interested, or if he can GET you interested. No courage necessary. No brains most of the time, either. He goes back to his buddies and they rib him for getting shot down. Then he tries again. It's called "getting lucky" for a reason.

Here's a little secret, ladies. Guys don't hit on the girls they don't think they'll have a chance with. I've never been a PUA, but like most guys, I've had male friends who were like that.

At the beginning of the night, if they're on the prowl, they start high, but rarely higher than what they think they wouldn't have a chance with. They observe first. They see who you're with, how you're acting, whether you look like you're having fun or not, whether you look like you're there drowning your sorrows, how you are when you've had a few drinks. If you're cute enough to bring home, they'll try. When they strike out, they start moving down the ladder, so to speak. Maybe the second and third woman are a little older than they'd prefer, maybe they don't have the body type they like, maybe they're married.

Eventually, if they haven't hit a home run by 2am, they're suddenly not as picky. I've seen buddies of mine go home with anybody at the end of the night, just because they didn't want to go home alone.

That type of pick up requires no courage. It's throwing everything at the wall and seeing what sticks. The stupid lines, the cheesiness, the compliments or the persistence will all eventually pay off - every night if you don't give up. Every. Night.


----------



## tracyishere

JustSomeGuyWho said:


> Reminds me of a rather shocking fb post I saw a few months ago. She posted something like 'I just did a married man at so and so's place'. This is a woman who worked at a former company and was fb friends with half the company. What kind of screwed up person do you need to be to do something like that and announce it to the world.
> 
> _Posted via *Topify* on Android_



I can see it being an ego boost for someone who perhaps is a little insecure with them self to know that he/she was able to convince the off limits and unavailable man/woman to ditch their SO and be with her/him instead.


----------



## Ikaika

Given my profession I don't take any flirting from women, to which there has been very little, to be anything other than trying to manipulate the situation for their own gain, a better grade. Not going to happen.

Not so sure this applies to you Tracy. Needless to say, it is disrespectful and he needs to be made aware of such actions.


----------



## JustSomeGuyWho

tracyishere said:


> JustSomeGuyWho said:
> 
> 
> 
> What I thought was weird was that suddenly because my wife was no longer pregnant, I was fair game.
> 
> _Posted via *Topify* on Android_
> 
> 
> 
> I think she had you marked as game all along. She probably just assumed since your wife lost her baby (so sorry, btw) you would be more likely to take the bait.
Click to expand...

That's probably true. She picked the wrong guy. Not only would I not do that ... character is a big deal to me ... but I was not in a good place to even entertain the thought. We had been trying to get pregnant for a while. I was at the top of the world when she got pregnant and losing the baby was crushing. It would have been our first. I was trying to be there emotionally for my wife ... not screw around on her.

_Posted via *Topify* on Android_


----------



## tracyishere

dblkman said:


> have you looked at YOU lately lol!! not that it's an excuse for men who know you are married and still try to flirt. It's human nature!! Just ignore it and go on!


Funny! No. I am not going to ignore it. Why should I? I deserve to go out and be treated with respect. I don't want drooling scum bags following me around and giving me the creeps. Would you?


----------



## ScarletBegonias

drerio said:


> Given my profession I don't take any flirting from women, to which there has been very little, to be anything other than trying to manipulate the situation for their own gain, a better grade. Not going to happen.
> 
> Not so sure this applies to you Tracy. Needless to say, it is disrespectful and he needs to be made aware of such actions.


Don't be so sure During school years I'd flirt with a handsome prof just for the fun of it. There's something alluring about a good looking man teaching lessons


----------



## tracyishere

alexm said:


> Nah. It takes courage for the man who's genuinely interested in getting to know the woman sitting at the bar. It only takes courage for those guys who have more at stake than not going home alone that night. It takes courage for a guy (or girl) to introduce themselves to a stranger and ensure they don't come across as a PUA, and maybe leave with a phone number. It takes courage to call the number, try to set up a date, then go on a date, and maybe start an actual relationship.
> 
> It takes absolutely nothing for the guy who wants to NAIL the woman sitting at the bar. He doesn't care how he comes across. He just wants to see if you're interested, or if he can GET you interested. No courage necessary. No brains most of the time, either. He goes back to his buddies and they rib him for getting shot down. Then he tries again. It's called "getting lucky" for a reason.
> 
> Here's a little secret, ladies. Guys don't hit on the girls they don't think they'll have a chance with. I've never been a PUA, but like most guys, I've had male friends who were like that.
> 
> At the beginning of the night, if they're on the prowl, they start high, but rarely higher than what they think they wouldn't have a chance with. They observe first. They see who you're with, how you're acting, whether you look like you're having fun or not, whether you look like you're there drowning your sorrows, how you are when you've had a few drinks. If you're cute enough to bring home, they'll try. When they strike out, they start moving down the ladder, so to speak. Maybe the second and third woman are a little older than they'd prefer, maybe they don't have the body type they like, maybe they're married.
> 
> Eventually, if they haven't hit a home run by 2am, they're suddenly not as picky. I've seen buddies of mine go home with anybody at the end of the night, just because they didn't want to go home alone.
> 
> That type of pick up requires no courage. It's throwing everything at the wall and seeing what sticks. The stupid lines, the cheesiness, the compliments or the persistence will all eventually pay off - every night if you don't give up. Every. Night.


Very interesting. Thanks. Now I don't feel so hung up about crushing some guy who is obviously thinking with his penis.


----------



## Ikaika

ScarletBegonias said:


> Don't be so sure During school years I'd flirt with a handsome prof just for the fun of it. There's something alluring about a good looking man teaching lessons


My naive ignorance is blissful


----------



## DvlsAdvc8

tracyishere said:


> I can see it being an ego boost for someone who perhaps is a little insecure with them self to know that he/she was able to convince the off limits and unavailable man/woman to ditch their SO and be with her/him instead.


Its probably a little of that... and probably a little of simply trying to identify who is interested in misbehaving on a business trip. Its remarkable how easy it is to find those who secretly harbor a desire to misbehave after you reveal your own desire to misbehave. Its human nature. We're more likely to reveal our own taboo interest after someone else comes out with theirs.

Some people show it directly, others use innuendo, and still others show it by always being around their person of interest.


----------



## alexm

tracyishere said:


> Funny! No. I am not going to ignore it. Why should I? I deserve to go out and be treated with respect. I don't want drooling scum bags following me around and giving me the creeps. Would you?


And that's the thing these guys never think about - how it could affect you, and your evening.

Honestly, this is a HUGE reason why I never joined this club. Of course I'd have liked to have had as much nsa sex as possible in my single, younger days. Duh. But I genuinely saw it from this perspective, even as young as 17 or 18, when I started going out to bars and all that.

There's just something so disrespectful about it all. A guy coming over and trying to pick you up is really saying "you look like you'd go home with me". Is that something to be flattered by? What it also says, without words, is that he sees somebody with low self esteem (or at least lower than his), who is willing to go home with a relative stranger. Obviously those people exist, but all the same. For the woman who isn't there for that, I'd find it more insulting than flattering.

Now, the few times I didn't go home alone, it was THEIR idea, or suggestion. I made it abundantly clear that I didn't have low self esteem, wasn't desperate, wasn't a player, and that I was intelligent and multi-dimensional. If they were still there at the end of the night, then good. If not being easy turned them off, the so be it. I also made sure they were at the same level as me, not desperate, and to the best of my knowledge, not in a relationship/married or trying to get back at an ex or something. I also made it clear in each case that I wasn't interested in them if they were out that night for this reason alone. I have no need to get that intimate with somebody only to see them leave the same bar with another guy the next weekend.


----------



## JustSomeGuyWho

tracyishere said:


> JustSomeGuyWho said:
> 
> 
> 
> Reminds me of a rather shocking fb post I saw a few months ago. She posted something like 'I just did a married man at so and so's place'. This is a woman who worked at a former company and was fb friends with half the company. What kind of screwed up person do you need to be to do something like that and announce it to the world.
> 
> _Posted via *Topify* on Android_
> 
> 
> 
> 
> I can see it being an ego boost for someone who perhaps is a little insecure with them self to know that he/she was able to convince the off limits and unavailable man/woman to ditch their SO and be with her/him instead.
Click to expand...

Seems like she earned the Darwin award for dumbest career move of the year.

_Posted via *Topify* on Android_


----------



## dblkman

tracyishere said:


> Funny! No. I am not going to ignore it. Why should I? I deserve to go out and be treated with respect. I don't want drooling scum bags following me around and giving me the creeps. Would you?


yeah you are right! It's one thing to make a passing flirtatious comment but it's another to be an outright A$$ by continuing to try.


----------



## tracyishere

alexm said:


> And that's the thing these guys never think about - how it could affect you, and your evening.
> 
> Honestly, this is a HUGE reason why I never joined this club. Of course I'd have liked to have had as much nsa sex as possible in my single, younger days. Duh. But I genuinely saw it from this perspective, even as young as 17 or 18, when I started going out to bars and all that.
> 
> There's just something so disrespectful about it all. A guy coming over and trying to pick you up is really saying "you look like you'd go home with me". Is that something to be flattered by? What it also says, without words, is that he sees somebody with low self esteem (or at least lower than his), who is willing to go home with a relative stranger. Obviously those people exist, but all the same. For the woman who isn't there for that, I'd find it more insulting than flattering.
> 
> Now, the few times I didn't go home alone, it was THEIR idea, or suggestion. I made it abundantly clear that I didn't have low self esteem, wasn't desperate, wasn't a player, and that I was intelligent and multi-dimensional. If they were still there at the end of the night, then good. If not being easy turned them off, the so be it. I also made sure they were at the same level as me, not desperate, and to the best of my knowledge, not in a relationship/married or trying to get back at an ex or something. I also made it clear in each case that I wasn't interested in them if they were out that night for this reason alone. I have no need to get that intimate with somebody only to see them leave the same bar with another guy the next weekend.


I feel like I have "easy" written on my forehead or something. It is insulting I agree.


----------



## JustSomeGuyWho

tracyishere said:


> alexm said:
> 
> 
> 
> And that's the thing these guys never think about - how it could affect you, and your evening.
> 
> Honestly, this is a HUGE reason why I never joined this club. Of course I'd have liked to have had as much nsa sex as possible in my single, younger days. Duh. But I genuinely saw it from this perspective, even as young as 17 or 18, when I started going out to bars and all that.
> 
> There's just something so disrespectful about it all. A guy coming over and trying to pick you up is really saying "you look like you'd go home with me". Is that something to be flattered by? What it also says, without words, is that he sees somebody with low self esteem (or at least lower than his), who is willing to go home with a relative stranger. Obviously those people exist, but all the same. For the woman who isn't there for that, I'd find it more insulting than flattering.
> 
> Now, the few times I didn't go home alone, it was THEIR idea, or suggestion. I made it abundantly clear that I didn't have low self esteem, wasn't desperate, wasn't a player, and that I was intelligent and multi-dimensional. If they were still there at the end of the night, then good. If not being easy turned them off, the so be it. I also made sure they were at the same level as me, not desperate, and to the best of my knowledge, not in a relationship/married or trying to get back at an ex or something. I also made it clear in each case that I wasn't interested in them if they were out that night for this reason alone. I have no need to get that intimate with somebody only to see them leave the same bar with another guy the next weekend.
> 
> 
> 
> I feel like I have "easy" written on my forehead or something. It is insulting I agree.
Click to expand...

I wouldn't read too much into it. Maybe they don't share the same value system as you do. Maybe you're just hot and they are confident and don't understand that it's a big deal that you're married.

_Posted via *Topify* on Android_


----------



## tracyishere

dblkman said:


> yeah *you are right*! It's one thing to make a passing flirtatious comment but it's another to be an outright A$$ by continuing to try.


Wow! I hardly ever hear those words.....weird


----------



## DvlsAdvc8

alexm said:


> A guy coming over and trying to pick you up is really saying "you look like you'd go home with me". Is that something to be flattered by? What it also says, without words, is that he sees somebody with low self esteem (or at least lower than his), who is willing to go home with a relative stranger. Obviously those people exist, but all the same. For the woman who isn't there for that, I'd find it more insulting than flattering.


That's a huge blanket statement that doesn't mesh well at all with my experience... and I love the pickup game.

I don't know what "you look like you'll go home with me" looks like. That's the sort of thing an average guy says to self-reject (then cry in his beer over how he can't understand why that hot girl is with someone no better than himself) because he lacks confidence. I talk to everyone. Nobody is too hot, nor is there ever a thought that "she'll never go home with me". PUAs don't have the slightest issue approaching hot women because they truly understand that there is nothing to be lost from doing so.

Almost anyone can lower their standards sufficiently and find someone who will sleep with them. That's certainly not a pickup artist.


----------



## tracyishere

JustSomeGuyWho said:


> I wouldn't read too much into it. Maybe they don't share the same value system as you do. Maybe you're just hot and they are confident and don't understand that it's a big deal that you're married.
> 
> _Posted via *Topify* on Android_


Shouldn't matter what I look like. I should be treated with respect. Just because someone looks good shouldn't mean they should be subjected to rude behavior.


----------



## JustSomeGuyWho

tracyishere said:


> Shouldn't matter what I look like. I should be treated with respect. Just because someone looks good shouldn't mean they should be subjected to rude behavior.


To that I absolutely agree. However, respect means different thing to different people. My point was just that some people don't share that same value system so it is unfair to yourself to read into it anything other than they are an a$$.


----------



## tracyishere

JustSomeGuyWho said:


> To that I absolutely agree. However, respect means different thing to different people. My point was just that some people don't share that same value system so it is unfair to yourself to read into it anything other than they are an a$$.


Well, if it were a one time occurrence maybe. But, this crap happens to me all the time. Hence the muumuu outfit. Perhaps if I look like crap I'd be treated better.


----------



## DvlsAdvc8

tracyishere said:


> Shouldn't matter what I look like. I should be treated with respect. Just because someone looks good shouldn't mean they should be subjected to rude behavior.


That's just it, if you were looking to misbehave, it wouldn't be so rude to you. I'm not sure there is a polite way to do a wrong thing.

These guys thrive on attention. Deprive him of it. That works better than blowing up about it, which, let's be honest... he'll spin later with teasing sarcasm. That's how it works. If he didn't stop already he's not going to period... so just take away his opportunities.


----------



## DvlsAdvc8

tracyishere said:


> Well, if it were a one time occurrence maybe. But, this crap happens to me all the time. Hence the muumuu outfit. Perhaps if I look like crap I'd be treated better.


If you have the same sort of freewheeling personality IRL that I read some of here, which makes you a lot of fun imo, then perhaps you're unintentionally sending out a different message than you think if this is happening all the time. Just a thought... not a "blame the victim" sort of thing. There are certain characteristics that I think attract these sorts of men like honey and a woman may be totally unaware.


----------



## tracyishere

DvlsAdvc8 said:


> That's just it, if you were looking to misbehave, it wouldn't be so rude to you. I'm not sure there is a polite way to do a wrong thing.
> 
> These guys thrive on attention. Deprive him of it. That works better than blowing up about it, which, let's be honest... he'll spin later with teasing sarcasm. That's how it works. If he didn't stop already he's not going to period... so just take away his opportunities.


Yes! come to think of it I did do that once to a man who was beyond obnoxious. He stuck a balloon in his shirt just above his crotch and kept sticking it in my face. I was so disgusted. I just took the fork off the table and popped his dang balloon. Everyone laughed and he disappeared.:rofl::rofl::rofl::smthumbup:


Edit: I'm sure he felt deflated after! HAHAHA


----------



## chillymorn

I don't think the ladies are the only ones who experiance this.

I have been approached my numerious women over the years that flat out said hey lets go have a good time if you know what I mean. and when I informed them I was married they said its will be our little secerete.

and to be honest Its was sometimes the hardest thing.............I mean I had the hardest.........It was very difficult to stay strong I mean not act on it .


my point being that there are male and female types that do this and I'm starting to believe equal in numbers.


----------



## tracyishere

DvlsAdvc8 said:


> If you have the same sort of freewheeling personality IRL that I read some of here, which makes you a lot of fun imo, then perhaps you're unintentionally sending out a different message than you think if this is happening all the time. Just a thought... not a "blame the victim" sort of thing. There are certain characteristics that I think attract these sorts of men like honey and a woman may be totally unaware.


So what do I need to do to not send the wrong message?


----------



## DvlsAdvc8

+1 to what chillymorn said... and those women don't care about rejection either. Its a game and they continue to tease no matter what you say to them. They in fact love that you keep holding out and everything you say to get them to stop will just get teased back at you. They say what they were going to say anyway, and then append... "Oh wait... I'm not allowed to say that... I'm such a bad, bad girl." *wink* and *spank*

The only way out is to stop talking to and seeing them. Period.


----------



## always_alone

tracyishere said:


> Well, if it were a one time occurrence maybe. But, this crap happens to me all the time. Hence the muumuu outfit. Perhaps if I look like crap I'd be treated better.


I used to be too approachable. But then I developed my laser-focus don't-bug-me cloak. It can stop an unwanted advance from 10 paces.

Much better than a muumuu, as it goes with everything.

You don't need to look bad to get treated with respect. You just need to demand that respect.


----------



## chillymorn

tracyishere said:


> So what do I need to do to not send the wrong message?


IMHO. there is nothing you can do some are just $hit birds who will throw enough **** at the wall and take what sticks.

mybe a better way of handeling it would help some.

1) pull out you pepper spray and say if you don't leave me along I'm screaming RAPE and spraying your losser a$$ and then my husband will be over to kick you a$$


----------



## JustSomeGuyWho

chillymorn said:


> I don't think the ladies are the only ones who experiance this.
> 
> I have been approached my numerious women over the years that flat out said hey lets go have a good time if you know what I mean. and when I informed them I was married they said its will be our little secerete.
> 
> and to be honest Its was sometimes the hardest thing.............I mean I had the hardest.........It was very difficult to stay strong I mean not act on it .
> 
> 
> my point being that there are male and female types that do this and I'm starting to believe equal in numbers.


True. The scenario I described earlier was only one of several blatant opportunities I've had despite knowing full well that I am married. It doesn't happen as often now that I'm older ... 46 ... is that a good thing? ... but it happened just a few months ago with a woman much younger than me who handed me her phone number knowing I'm married. That was the point of my original post really ... it doesn't just happen to women.


----------



## tracyishere

always_alone said:


> I used to be too approachable. But then I developed my laser-focus don't-bug-me cloak. It can stop an unwanted advance from 10 paces.
> 
> Much better than a muumuu, as it goes with everything.
> 
> You don't need to look bad to get treated with respect. You just need to demand that respect.


Ah..the death glance. I could do that. I like that idea...grrrrrr....stay away I bite!


----------



## always_alone

chillymorn said:


> and to be honest Its was sometimes the hardest thing.............I mean I had the hardest.........It was very difficult to stay strong I mean not act on it .


Interesting! I find it incredibly easy not to be tempted by someone who doesn't care about me or my boundaries.

In fact, I find it an utter turn-off, and wouldn't touch it with a 10-ft pole.


----------



## chillymorn

always_alone said:


> I used to be too approachable. But then I developed my laser-focus don't-bug-me cloak. It can stop an unwanted advance from 10 paces.
> 
> Much better than a muumuu, as it goes with everything.
> 
> You don't need to look bad to get treated with respect. You just need to demand that respect.


I think my wife never take her cloak off.

sad really because now I'm starting to be indifferent.

please make sure to remove your cloak around your husband.


----------



## RandomDude

Not really a death glance but I dunno, STBX always carried herself with confidence and always gave the "I'm outta ya league boys" look then grabs me and then I get the evils! -.-


----------



## tracyishere

always_alone said:


> Interesting! I find it incredibly easy not to be tempted by someone who doesn't care about me or my boundaries.
> 
> In fact, I find it an utter turn-off, and wouldn't touch it with a 10-ft pole.


I have to agree. I lose respect fast for someone who obviously has little respect for others.


----------



## DvlsAdvc8

tracyishere said:


> So what do I need to do to not send the wrong message?


I can't say, since I don't really know you other than your posts here, which aren't necessarily indicative of personality IRL.

Here, you're quite sexually open and playful... and I don't mean to insult even in the slightest, but maybe a little wanting of attention. The same interactions in real life would probably lead me to think "game on".

I could be totally off base since I'm judging from text rather than a real life personality... so I'm just shooting in the dark here. Its very hard to say regardless, since such features can differ from woman to woman. But if this is happening to you often, I'd bet there's some signal you're sending that gives these guys an idea that they can come out with these intentions to you. Even that's just a guess though... since it seems odd one good looking woman would have the problem a lot and another not so much.

Stop hanging out with so many narcissistic d-bags?  I dunno.


----------



## tracyishere

RandomDude said:


> Not really a death glance but I dunno, STBX always carried herself with confidence and always gave the "I'm outta ya league boys" look then grabs me and then I get the evils! -.-


I do carry myself with confidence. I am not shy. But I don't have my H to turn to. I think you being there probably prevented your wife from getting hit on allot more.

I could be wrong...


----------



## DvlsAdvc8

always_alone said:


> Interesting! I find it incredibly easy not to be tempted by someone who doesn't care about me or my boundaries.
> 
> In fact, I find it an utter turn-off, and wouldn't touch it with a 10-ft pole.


Very easy to say, sitting at your computer and completely out of context of the situation or life circumstance.

Another man or woman, feeling lonely and isolated in their marriage... maybe feeling a little low or self-doubting... some attention from the opposite sex may have quite a different effect.


----------



## RandomDude

tracyishere said:


> I do carry myself with confidence. I am not shy. But I don't have my H to turn to. I think you being there probably prevented your wife from getting hit on allot more.
> 
> I could be wrong...


True, but they drive by and throw beer bottles at us and cuss instead for me stealing 'their women'. I once chased them down and made them run a red light. Face to face they are polite but I could always sense the tension and jealousy.


----------



## chillymorn

always_alone said:


> Interesting! I find it incredibly easy not to be tempted by someone who doesn't care about me or my boundaries.
> 
> In fact, I find it an utter turn-off, and wouldn't touch it with a 10-ft pole.


I don't know your story bute when your in an unbalanced marriage sexually and your walking around wishing and wondering why your wife doesn't desire you when everybody else seems too.......


then its extreamly hard to not want to just bang the living **** out of anything that shows interest!


----------



## sandc

tracyishere said:


> Why is it that if I am out without my husband and I get approached by a man who becomes overly flirtatious so I tell him I'm am married, he still continues to flirt and/or says so what?


It's called fishing. He's hoping you have as little regard for your marriage as he does. These are guys looking to score an easy lay. Sadly experience has taught them that some married women are available to them.


----------



## tracyishere

DvlsAdvc8 said:


> I can't say, since I don't really know you other than your posts here, which aren't necessarily indicative of personality IRL.
> 
> Here, you're quite sexually open and playful... and I don't mean to insult even in the slightest, but maybe a little wanting of attention. The same interactions in real life would probably lead me to think "game on".
> 
> I could be totally off base since I'm judging from text rather than a real life personality... so I'm just shooting in the dark here. Its very hard to say regardless, since such features can differ from woman to woman. But if this is happening to you often, I'd bet there's some signal you're sending that gives these guys an idea that they can come out with these intentions to you. Even that's just a guess though... since it seems odd one good looking woman would have the problem a lot and another not so much.
> 
> Stop hanging out with so many narcissistic d-bags?  I dunno.


You judged me Just kidding!

No you are absolutely right. I love attention! Always have and always will. 

I am however, more reserved in speaking openly about sex around people I am not familiar with. My group of friends are all very open and humorous about sex, perhaps even more so than I. I wouldn't call them narcissists though. It's all fun and games.

I do not discuss sex with men I don't know.


----------



## DvlsAdvc8

The attention-seeking is a big lure, just fyi. For whatever reason, it just is. For a guy like that, the jackpot is to find a married woman who is an attention seeker that isn't getting much attention at home.


----------



## sandc

DvlsAdvc8 said:


> I can't say, since I don't really know you other than your posts here, which aren't necessarily indicative of personality IRL.
> 
> Here, you're quite sexually open and playful... and I don't mean to insult even in the slightest, but maybe a little wanting of attention. The same interactions in real life would probably lead me to think "game on".
> 
> I could be totally off base since I'm judging from text rather than a real life personality... so I'm just shooting in the dark here. Its very hard to say regardless, since such features can differ from woman to woman. But if this is happening to you often, I'd bet there's some signal you're sending that gives these guys an idea that they can come out with these intentions to you. Even that's just a guess though... since it seems odd one good looking woman would have the problem a lot and another not so much.
> 
> Stop hanging out with so many narcissistic d-bags?  I dunno.


Ding ding ding.... we have a winnna'! :iagree:

Also not meaning to insult you. You are playful and fun and that would totally give a lot of men the wrong idea.


----------



## tracyishere

Well that sucks 

How boring would it be for me to just sit there and not be the center of attention?!


----------



## always_alone

chillymorn said:


> please make sure to remove your cloak around your husband.


Good point. I always do. 

Plus, it's a smart technology laser-focus design that only targets creepizoids. 

And I get where you're coming from now.


----------



## sandc

tracyishere said:


> Well that sucks
> 
> How boring would it be for me to just sit there and not be the center of attention?!


Then practice your come backs to their pickup lines.

Or maybe you could just tatoo "Fnck Off" on your forehead?


----------



## alexm

DvlsAdvc8 said:


> That's a huge blanket statement that doesn't mesh well at all with my experience... and I love the pickup game.
> 
> *Fair enough, but most statements are generalized. There are always those who go against the grain. I supposed I'm referring to those guys (or girls) who don't take no for an answer.
> 
> But... you are calling it a "game". I'm not insinuating you don't respect women, but that's not a particularly respectful way to describe it.*
> 
> I don't know what "you look like you'll go home with me" looks like.
> 
> *The opposite of "stay the **** away from me.*
> 
> *That's the sort of thing an average guy says to self-reject (then cry in his beer over how he can't understand why that hot girl is with someone no better than himself) because he lacks confidence.
> 
> I don't believe that this "game" requires confidence. It helps, certainly, but it's not a pre-requisite. People who tend to brag about these sorts of conquests allow it to build their own confidence, but it's false. It's not that difficult to bring a man or woman home with you on any given night. The better looking and more suave you are, the higher your "catch" is, sure. But even those of us who aren't head turners, or ****y/confident can have just as high a batting average than those who are "artists". Contrary to what many men seem to think, it's not a skill.*
> 
> I talk to everyone. Nobody is too hot, nor is there ever a thought that "she'll never go home with me". PUAs don't have the slightest issue approaching hot women because they truly understand that there is nothing to be lost from doing so.
> 
> *Again, throwing everything at the wall and seeing what sticks. If you believe that most people of the opposite sex are not several rungs above you, then you might have better luck. The majority of us are not models. I wouldn't approach a "10" and expect fireworks, just isn't going to happen. If you happen to be a "10" yourself, then you got lucky in the gene pool.*
> 
> Almost anyone can lower their standards sufficiently and find someone who will sleep with them. That's certainly not a pickup artist.
> 
> *So the true artist only takes home women of his own level, or higher? That's the game? I thought it was to get lucky?*


----------



## DvlsAdvc8

sandc said:


> Then practice your come backs to their pickup lines.
> 
> Or maybe you could just tatoo "Fnck Off" on your forehead?


No no... men are selective readers. 

Better to write, "herp" or "rash". haha


----------



## RandomDude

Meh, can always just wear a shirt:


----------



## tracyishere

Ugh...I best stay home. That is what I'm hearing


----------



## sandc

DvlsAdvc8 said:


> No no... men are selective readers.
> 
> Better to write, "herp" or "rash". haha


How about a T-shirt that says "Kiss me I have herpes" across the front? That's probably the first thing guys are going to look at?

Or maybe shorts that say HERPES instead of PINK?


----------



## tracyishere

You guys are not very helpful


----------



## RandomDude

Well on a serious note, you mentioned you carry yourself with confidence, but your husband isn't there yes? On her own my wife still had her b-tchy side which she does pull (and tells me later), unfortunately she pulled it on me too throughout the years.

She can really sting if she wants to and is vicious with her tongue.


----------



## Ikaika

tracyishere said:


> You guys are not very helpful


I thought I was trying to be helpful. I don't think you want to change who you are, that would take the life out of you. At the same time, just be ready to tell those men who approach you with favor that they are barking up the wrong tree. Just leave it at that, nothing unusual or rude in my opinion.


----------



## sandc

tracyishere said:


> You guys are not very helpful


We just want attention.


----------



## sandc

RandomDude said:


> Well on a serious note, you mentioned you carry yourself with confidence, but your husband isn't there yes? On her own my wife still had her b-tchy side which she does pull (and tells me later), unfortunately she pulled it on me too throughout the years.
> 
> *She can really sting if she wants to and is vicious with her tongue.*


I'm pretty sure Tracy can pull this off when she wants to.


----------



## tracyishere

RandomDude said:


> Well on a serious note, you mentioned you carry yourself with confidence, but your husband isn't there yes? On her own my wife still had her b-tchy side which she does pull (and tells me later), unfortunately she pulled it on me too throughout the years.
> 
> She can really sting if she wants to and is vicious with her tongue.


My H is never there. He's a hermit. If anything I try and portray myself with even more confidence when I'm alone than if I were with him. I often feel like I am trying to convey I am "too good for you." Doesn't appear to be working


----------



## tracyishere

sandc said:


> I'm pretty sure Tracy can pull this off when she wants to.


Only if provoked....:biggrinangelA:


----------



## Hope1964

Why are you trying to convey anything?? Why don't you just go about your business and ignore whatever idiots are being idiotic around you?

I personally don't have the problem of men throwing themselves at me. I don't know if it's because I'm just ugly, or if I just don't notice.


----------



## sandc

Hope1964 said:


> Why are you trying to convey anything?? Why don't you just go about your business and ignore whatever idiots are being idiotic around you?
> 
> I personally don't have the problem of men throwing themselves at me. I don't know if it's because I'm just ugly, or if I just don't notice.


You're pretty enough. The Cylons probably didn't program that into you. Ask for it next time you're back on the home world.


----------



## Hope1964

Next time I'm back on the home world I'm getting a Six body.

Maybe I don't give off the right pheromones. :scratchhead:


----------



## tracyishere

Maybe I'm just a wh0reable person.


----------



## CalBanker

tracyishere said:


> Maybe I'm just a wh0reable person.


Not at all.


----------



## sandc

tracyishere said:


> Maybe I'm just a wh0reable person.


Nah, not in the slnttest.


----------



## tracyishere

sandc said:


> Nah, not in the slnttest.


that hardly made any sense. Mine was much better.


----------



## sandc

tracyishere said:


> that hardly made any sense. Mine was much better.


Makes perfect sense to anyone without blonde hair.


----------



## DvlsAdvc8

alexm said:


> Fair enough, but most statements are generalized. There are always those who go against the grain. I supposed I'm referring to those guys (or girls) who don't take no for an answer.
> 
> But... you are calling it a "game". I'm not insinuating you don't respect women, but that's not a particularly respectful way to describe it.


Calling the silly dances that singles do a game doesn't imply respect or disrespect. It just means there are patterns, norms and rules that each is party to whether they realize it or not. Whether your desire is to find a mate, or tonight's lay, there is a game of interpersonal hoops to jump through on your way there... even if its nothing more than keeping conversation light and entertaining.



alexm said:


> I don't know what "you look like you'll go home with me" looks like.
> 
> The opposite of "stay the **** away from me.


Nope, still not clear. Your post seemed to imply that looking like she'll go home with you is that she's not much of a catch.

So the opposite, "stay the f away from me", is pretty?

What does one who only takes home ugly chicks have to brag about? Not much of an artist.



alexm said:


> I don't believe that this "game" requires confidence. It helps, certainly, but it's not a pre-requisite.


Good game definitely requires confidence. Going after the low-hanging fruit is neither game nor confidence... and certainly not brag worthy.



alexm said:


> But even those of us who aren't head turners, or ****y/confident can have just as high a batting average than those who are "artists". Contrary to what many men seem to think, it's not a skill.


Getting laid is not a skill. Anyone can lower their standards and get laid. Having the conversational skills and compelling personality traits that allow one to consistently get female attention beyond what their looks accord them is a skill. Better stated: developing those traits (a little different from a skill) if you don't have them naturally, like a skill, takes practice.

I'm good looking enough, but the women I pursue aren't doing double takes at me from across the room.



alexm said:


> Again, throwing everything at the wall and seeing what sticks.


No. Is talking throwing everything at the wall? You've got this all kinds of messed up in your head. See... I don't care if she goes home with me or not. I'm out having fun. A large part of having fun is not being burdened by trying to get *this girl*... or *any girl* to come home with you tonight. Fact of the matter is, you're more likely to get it when you're not trying to get it. That's actually part of the game.

You'd be hard pressed to think I'm hitting on a woman. For the most part, its just conversation and showing yourself to be a friendly, fun and interesting guy.



alexm said:


> If you believe that most people of the opposite sex are not several rungs above you, then you might have better luck. The majority of us are not models. I wouldn't approach a "10" and expect fireworks, just isn't going to happen. If you happen to be a "10" yourself, then you got lucky in the gene pool.


Its two-part. In a confidence sense - no one is too good for me... after all, who is to say what she likes? Maybe I'm dog ugly to most women, but this hot chick really digs warty noses. I do myself no favors not talking to her... and what harm is a friendly conversation anyway? In a more objective sense, sure, I can recognize who is up the ladder from me, but it doesn't matter. So what if hottie doesn't go home with me anyway? She's certainly not going to be into me if I never talk to her. You live for the moment, not an outcome.

If you're a 4, that doesn't mean you shouldn't talk to 10s. Talk. Have fun. The women who are interested are probably going to be 4s, but so what? Its not about the outcome... and that's empowering. I talk to girls who society would probably put a few rungs below me or above me... I'm just being friendly.

Wanna get a hottie (in the relative or objective sense)? The first key thing is to stop treating them different from how you treat everyone else. They're no better than you or the 4. Not stressing for an outcome and not bowing to your own perceived inferiority makes one infinitely more attractive. Hey, one may still never get a 10... but you'll be more attractive with that attitude regardless.

That's the lure for women with guys that other guys think are jerks. You say whatever you want to Ms Hottie... you don't cow tow to her like all the other guys blowing smoke up her @ss. These women see all the smoke-blowing-try-too-hards as low value and the men who just do their own thing as high value.



alexm said:


> So the true artist only takes home women of his own level, or higher? That's the game? I thought it was to get lucky?


Getting lucky is another term a PUA wouldn't use imo. There's not really luck to it, and to be honest, not getting laid isn't "unlucky". I can usually call it way in advance. Its not luck... its mutual compatibility and when it happens, its almost inevitable. You build it up and build it up with a compatible person and eventually boom. If it doesn't happen, it doesn't matter. There's no desperation or moving on to the next until she rejects you and so on. Big rejections are actually fairly rare... since you're just having a conversation. You don't feel rejected after every conversation you have with someone where you didn't get laid right? I typically know how a woman is going to respond when I move to escalate before I escalate... or I wouldn't have escalated yet.  That's just part of knowing that social landscape.

I don't know what a "true artist" is. I only know that anyone can get laid if they go after less attractive partners and that's not an art of any kind.

The art is in having attractive qualities - confidence, the ability to hold a good conversation, an engaging personality and an interesting life, period. That ability to always seemingly know what to say and how to play off every word... is a skill. There's no art behind hooking up with someone less attractive than you who already think's you're the hottest thing they could ever get.

Throwing everything at a wall and seeing what sticks is certainly not what I do. Generally, I'm just out having fun and talking to people - men and women alike... and by the end of the night, I know who I want to take home with and I'm confident she'll go... at the least, I'll get her number and live to play another day. 

If I really like her, maybe we'll set up a date.

As opposed to desperately running down the list of females until you find a taker, the game is really the total opposite. Its not caring whether someone goes for you or not and having fun regardless. Its being able to build chemistry with people. It just so happens... women are more likely to go for guys like this than the ones who look to be trying so hard, and way more than the ones too afraid to talk in the first place.


----------



## tracyishere

DvlsAdvc8 said:


> Calling the silly dances that singles do a game doesn't imply respect or disrespect. It just means there are patterns, norms and rules that each is party to whether they realize it or not. Whether your desire is to find a mate, or tonight's lay, there is a game of interpersonal hoops to jump through on your way there... even if its nothing more than keeping conversation light and entertaining.
> 
> 
> 
> Nope, still not clear. Your post seemed to imply that looking like she'll go home with you is that she's not much of a catch.
> 
> So the opposite, "stay the f away from me", is pretty?
> 
> What does one who only takes home ugly chicks have to brag about? Not much of an artist.
> 
> 
> 
> Good game definitely requires confidence. Going after the low-hanging fruit is neither game nor confidence... and certainly not brag worthy.
> 
> 
> 
> Getting laid is not a skill. Anyone can lower their standards and get laid. Having the conversational skills and compelling personality traits that allow one to consistently get female attention beyond what their looks accord them is a skill. Better stated: developing those traits (a little different from a skill) if you don't have them naturally, like a skill, takes practice.
> 
> I'm good looking enough, but the women I pursue aren't doing double takes at me from across the room.
> 
> 
> 
> No. Is talking throwing everything at the wall? You've got this all kinds of messed up in your head. See... I don't care if she goes home with me or not. I'm out having fun. A large part of having fun is not being burdened by trying to get *this girl*... or *any girl* to come home with you tonight. Fact of the matter is, you're more likely to get it when you're not trying to get it. That's actually part of the game.
> 
> You'd be hard pressed to think I'm hitting on a woman. For the most part, its just conversation and showing yourself to be a friendly, fun and interesting guy.
> 
> 
> 
> Its two-part. In a confidence sense - no one is too good for me... after all, who is to say what she likes? Maybe I'm dog ugly to most women, but this hot chick really digs warty noses. I do myself no favors not talking to her... and what harm is a friendly conversation anyway? In a social-objectivist sense, sure, I can recognize who is up the ladder from me relatively speaking, but it doesn't matter. So what if hottie doesn't go home with me? She's certainly not going to be into me if I never talk to her. You live for the moment, not an outcome.
> 
> If you're a 4, that doesn't mean you shouldn't talk to 10s. Talk. Have fun. The women who are interested are probably going to be 4s, but so what? Its not about the outcome... and that's empowering. I talk to girls who society would probably put a few rungs below me or above me... its just being friendly.
> 
> Wanna get a hottie (in the relative or objective sense)? The first key thing is to stop treating them different from how you treat everyone else. They're no better than you or the 4. Not stressing for an outcome and not bowing to your own perceived inferiority makes one infinitely more attractive. Hey, one may still never get a 10... but you'll be more attractive with that attitude regardless.
> 
> That's the lure for women with guys that other guys think are jerks. You say whatever you want to Ms Hottie... you don't cow tow to her like all the other guys blowing smoke up her @ss. These women see all the smoke-blowing-try-too-hards as low value and the men who just do their own thing as high value.
> 
> 
> 
> Getting lucky is another term a PUA wouldn't use imo. There's not really luck to it, and to be honest, not getting laid isn't "unlucky". I can usually call it way in advance. Its not luck... its mutual compatibility and when it happens, its almost inevitable. You build it up and build it up with a compatible person and eventually boom. If it doesn't happen, it doesn't matter. There's no desperation or moving on to the next until she rejects you and so on. Big rejections are actually fairly rare... since you're just having a conversation. You don't feel rejected after every conversation you have with someone where you didn't get laid right? I typically know how a woman is going to respond when I move to escalate before I escalate... or I wouldn't have escalated yet.  That's just part of knowing that social landscape.
> 
> I don't know what a "true artist" is. I only know that anyone can get laid if they go after less attractive partners and that's not an art of any kind.
> 
> The art is in having attractive qualities - confidence, the ability to hold a good conversation, an engaging personality and an interesting life, period. That ability to always seemingly know what to say and how to play off every word... is a skill. There's no art behind hooking up with someone less attractive than you who already think's you're the hottest thing they could ever get.
> 
> Throwing everything at a wall and seeing what sticks is certainly not what I do. Generally, I'm just out having fun and talking to people - men and women alike... and by the end of the night, I know who I want to take home with and I'm confident she'll go... at the least, I'll get her number and live to play another day.
> 
> If I really like her, maybe we'll set up a date.
> 
> As opposed to desperately running down the list of females until you find a taker, the game is really the total opposite. Its not caring whether someone goes for you or not and having fun regardless. It just so happens... women are more likely to go for guys like this than the ones who look to be trying, and way more than the ones too afraid to talk in the first place.


:iagree:


----------



## Hope1964

tracyishere said:


> :iagree:


Did you actually read all that? I didn't


----------



## tracyishere

Hope1964 said:


> Did you actually read all that? I didn't


I did. I'm trying to get into the inner working minds of these guys so I can use it against them in their game. Sneaky sneaky...


----------



## Sandfly

tracyishere said:


> Why is it that if I am out without my husband and I get approached by a man who becomes overly flirtatious so I tell him I'm am married, he still continues to flirt and/or says so what?


Why not just point to your wedding ring? I always look for it. 

I know that many people wear a ring to say they're not looking, but it amounts to the same thing.
You shouldn't have to SAY anything.

You DO wear your wedding ring when you're away from your better half, DON'T YOU?

Yeah... this is the point of the ring tracyishere. Put your ring on!!


----------



## tracyishere

Sandfly said:


> Why not just point to your wedding ring? I always look for it.
> 
> I know that many people wear a ring to say they're not looking, but it amounts to the same thing.
> You shouldn't have to SAY anything.
> 
> You DO wear your wedding ring when you're away from your better half, DON'T YOU?
> 
> Yeah... this is the point of the ring tracyishere. Put your ring on!!


That was presumptuous. Of course I wear my ring. In fact I put on my GIANT engagement ring when I go out. And I did point to it when I told him I was married 

So poop on you...


----------



## Sandfly

tracyishere said:


> That was presumptuous. Of course I wear my ring. In fact I put on my GIANT engagement ring when I go out. And I did point to it when I told him I was married
> 
> So poop on you...


Tracy, love, I apologise. I wasn't serious anyway. But I think that a bloke who sees a ring and still tries.... is uncurably a low human being, and I wouldn't worry about being more direct with him.

I think marriage is sacred, personally. I hope you do too !!


----------



## Deejo

tracyishere said:


> You guys are not very helpful


If you really are fun, playful and like attention you could actually have a blast with this.

Just pull the overly attached girlfriend schtick.

"Are you hitting on me? Because I am SO looking for someone to latch onto right now. Do you have kids? Because I want kids. Like now. How much money do you make? If I don't hear the words 'I love you' by the third date, you can seriously go f*ck yourself. Give me your phone number. I'm going to call you when I get home. And I'll call you tomorrow morning. Where do you work? I'll call you there too. How soon is too soon do you think before you know you want to marry someone? Will you write to me in rehab? I'm fun right? Do you think I'm fun? Do I seem crazy to you? I mean seriously, do I seem like the kind of person that you need to take out a restraining order against? 
How would your friends describe you? My friends would describe me as really, really loving, will do anything for you and overly obsessive. I need us to stay in touch. I need to know where you are and who you are with always ... because I think I love you.
Ask someone to take your picture together and make it clear that you are updating your status to 'in a relationship with *name of creep*'

Seriously ... all you have to do is knock most of these clowns just a little off balance and that's going to be the end of it. For the hangers on, or the outright weirdos, you are going to have to have a friend, a lifeline or a weapon.


----------



## tracyishere

That was awesome! LMAO:rofl:


----------



## Deejo

"You think I'm attractive! That's what I keep telling my husband, I should introduce you so you can tell him! He just got out of prison ..."

The fun never ends.


----------



## Sandfly

Deejo said:


> If you really are fun, playful and like attention you could actually have a blast with this.
> 
> Just pull the overly attached girlfriend schtick.
> 
> "Are you hitting on me? Because I am SO looking for someone to latch onto right now. Do you have kids? Because I want kids. Like now. How much money do you make? If I don't hear the words 'I love you' by the third date, you can seriously go f*ck yourself. Give me your phone number. I'm going to call you when I get home. And I'll call you tomorrow morning. Where do you work? I'll call you there too. How soon is too soon do you think before you know you want to marry someone? Will you write to me in rehab? I'm fun right? Do you think I'm fun? Do I seem crazy to you? I mean seriously, do I seem like the kind of person that you need to take out a restraining order against?
> How would your friends describe you? My friends would describe me as really, really loving, will do anything for you and overly obsessive. I need us to stay in touch. I need to know where you are and who you are with always ... because I think I love you.
> Ask someone to take your picture together and make it clear that you are updating your status to 'in a relationship with *name of creep*'
> 
> Seriously ... all you have to do is knock most of these clowns just a little off balance and that's going to be the end of it. For the hangers on, or the outright weirdos, you are going to have to have a friend, a lifeline or a weapon.


This is funny :smthumbup:. some girls are actually like this ! (nearly)


----------



## tracyishere

Yes! I think that is my favourite solution! Oh... So much fun to be had! Thank you


----------



## Sandfly

deejo said:


> "you think i'm attractive! That's what i keep telling my husband, i should introduce you so you can tell him! He just got out of prison ..."
> 
> the fun never ends.


more!!


----------



## Deejo

"I never used to get this much attention when I was a man. Seriously, I could kiss you right now."


----------



## Caribbean Man

Deejo said:


> "You think I'm attractive! That's what I keep telling my husband, I should introduce you so you can tell him! He just got out of prison ..."
> 
> The fun never ends.


Deejo, you're killing me here!


----------



## Ikaika

Deejo said:


> "I never used to get this much attention when I was a man. Seriously, I could kiss you right now."


This the best one. Exit left 99% guy who thinks he will will get lucky


----------



## tracyishere

Perfect....


----------



## DvlsAdvc8

Hope1964 said:


> Did you actually read all that? I didn't


Sorry. I get diarrhea of the mouth from time to time.


----------



## TiggyBlue

tracyishere said:


> Maybe I'm just a wh0reable person.


You're adwhorable


----------



## tracyishere

TiggyBlue said:


> You're adwhorable



Much much MUCH better than S&C's weird comment.


----------



## Sandfly

Deejo, I'm heterosexual, but I believe you could probly laugh me into bed 

More daddy, give me more !!


----------



## sandc

Deejo said:


> If you really are fun, playful and like attention you could actually have a blast with this.
> 
> Just pull the overly attached girlfriend schtick.
> 
> "Are you hitting on me? Because I am SO looking for someone to latch onto right now. Do you have kids? Because I want kids. Like now. How much money do you make? If I don't hear the words 'I love you' by the third date, you can seriously go f*ck yourself. Give me your phone number. I'm going to call you when I get home. And I'll call you tomorrow morning. Where do you work? I'll call you there too. How soon is too soon do you think before you know you want to marry someone? Will you write to me in rehab? I'm fun right? Do you think I'm fun? Do I seem crazy to you? I mean seriously, do I seem like the kind of person that you need to take out a restraining order against?
> How would your friends describe you? My friends would describe me as really, really loving, will do anything for you and overly obsessive. I need us to stay in touch. I need to know where you are and who you are with always ... because I think I love you.
> Ask someone to take your picture together and make it clear that you are updating your status to 'in a relationship with *name of creep*'
> 
> Seriously ... all you have to do is knock most of these clowns just a little off balance and that's going to be the end of it. For the hangers on, or the outright weirdos, you are going to have to have a friend, a lifeline or a weapon.


:lol:

Tell them your favorite movie was "Misery" Throw that in right after the restraining order bit.


----------



## Sandfly

Where's he gone? I'm not done laughing yet.

It's not fair.


----------



## Created2Write

Deejo said:


> If you really are fun, playful and like attention you could actually have a blast with this.
> 
> Just pull the overly attached girlfriend schtick.
> 
> "Are you hitting on me? Because I am SO looking for someone to latch onto right now. Do you have kids? Because I want kids. Like now. How much money do you make? If I don't hear the words 'I love you' by the third date, you can seriously go f*ck yourself. Give me your phone number. I'm going to call you when I get home. And I'll call you tomorrow morning. Where do you work? I'll call you there too. How soon is too soon do you think before you know you want to marry someone? Will you write to me in rehab? I'm fun right? Do you think I'm fun? Do I seem crazy to you? I mean seriously, do I seem like the kind of person that you need to take out a restraining order against?
> How would your friends describe you? My friends would describe me as really, really loving, will do anything for you and overly obsessive. I need us to stay in touch. I need to know where you are and who you are with always ... because I think I love you.
> Ask someone to take your picture together and make it clear that you are updating your status to 'in a relationship with *name of creep*'
> 
> Seriously ... all you have to do is knock most of these clowns just a little off balance and that's going to be the end of it. For the hangers on, or the outright weirdos, you are going to have to have a friend, a lifeline or a weapon.


I am SO going to try this sometime! I'm going to have to brush up on my acting skills, though. Two sentences in I was laughing my head off just reading it, so I'll definitely have to learn how to keep my cool...especially when the guy looks at me like I have a dozen heads. 

Brilliant!!


----------



## Created2Write

I usually just ignore guys who give me attention. My husband is very intimidating. He exudes so much confidence, it keeps most men from even talking to me, so long as they see him with me at some point during the night. If he's not there, I just ignore the attention...pretend I'm occupied with my phone or something. If they get really obnoxious, I just pick my nose.


----------



## Deejo

I think it's fine to cherry pick any one or two lines from my initial diatribe.

For the lady that can go into that rant and not break character, I'd be shocked if the guy didn't go wide-eyed and sprint away.


----------



## tracyishere

I could always snort when I laugh and cough in his face! LMAO

Oh...now I want to get hit on just to get a good laugh.


----------



## Rowan

Deejo said:


> For the lady that can go into that rant and not break character, I'd be shocked if the guy didn't go wide-eyed and sprint away.


But what the hell do you do with the ones that don't????


----------



## JustSomeGuyWho

Created2Write said:


> I usually just ignore guys who give me attention. My husband is very intimidating. He exudes so much confidence, it keeps most men from even talking to me, so long as they see him with me at some point during the night. If he's not there, I just ignore the attention...pretend I'm occupied with my phone or something. If they get really obnoxious, I just pick my nose.


Mmmm ... pick your nose .... sexy. I'd call you 'Booger'.

_Posted via *Topify* on Android_


----------



## JustSomeGuyWho

tracyishere said:


> I could always snort when I laugh and cough in his face! LMAO
> 
> Oh...now I want to get hit on just to get a good laugh.


Last night at dinner I said something funny and my daughter managed to snort laugh and projectile spit her food across the table at the same time. I was simultaneously lmfao and grossed out. So, if you happen to be eating when you get hit on ...

_Posted via *Topify* on Android_


----------



## tracyishere

Use his shirt as a napkin?


----------



## 6301

Ask him to pull your finger. Betcha he moves on real quick


----------



## tracyishere

Girls don't fart


----------



## 6301

I keep thinking of how I acted when I was a young man and the more I think about it the more I feel that I made a serious ass of myself when it came applying my game with woman and it reminds me of a time when I was married.

 When my oldest daughter was a teenager, my wife and the kids were at a water park and as we were waiting for our turn to go down the sliding boards, there were four or five teenage boys trying to get my daughters attention doing everything they can from smiling at her to playing I Can't Get No Satisfaction with their arm pit.

I looked at my wife and said "My God look how stupid these kids are acting" and she looked at me and said "Oh and you didn't do the same thing when you were that age" I thought about it and she was so God damn right. I can't understand how I ever got a girl interested in me because that's how we all were as kids and for some reason as adults, some guys think they can still get away with it.


----------



## Thunder7

tracyishere said:


> Girls don't fart


Or go to the bathroom.


----------



## tracyishere

6301 said:


> I keep thinking of how I acted when I was a young man and the more I think about it the more I feel that I made a serious ass of myself when it came applying my game with woman and it reminds me of a time when I was married.
> 
> When my oldest daughter was a teenager, my wife and the kids were at a water park and as we were waiting for our turn to go down the sliding boards, there were four or five teenage boys trying to get my daughters attention doing everything they can from smiling at her to playing I Can't Get No Satisfaction with their arm pit.
> 
> I looked at my wife and said "My God look how stupid these kids are acting" and she looked at me and said "Oh and you didn't do the same thing when you were that age" I thought about it and she was so God damn right. I can't understand how I ever got a girl interested in me because that's how we all were as kids and for some reason as adults, some guys think they can still get away with it.



You can play a song with your arm pit? I'm impressed!


----------



## 6301

tracyishere said:


> You can play a song with your arm pit? I'm impressed!


 Who me? No. It was one of the kids on the water slide that was making fart sounds with his arm pit. I didn't have that kind of talent when I was a teen. Just a whole bunch of greasy kids stuff for my hair that looked like Vaseline and smelled like flowers.


----------



## tracyishere

6301 said:


> Who me? No. It was one of the kids on the water slide that was making fart sounds with his arm pit. I didn't have that kind of talent when I was a teen. Just a whole bunch of greasy kids stuff for my hair that looked like Vaseline and smelled like flowers.



Definitely not impressed


----------



## 6301

tracyishere said:


> Girls don't fart


 Oh yes they do! I know. I was married twice and have two daughters and they all could fart. Girls fart! Maybe they don't lift their leg and light them up but they fart. And we didn't have a dog to blame either!


----------



## tracyishere

No no no. We fluff!


----------



## larry.gray

Created2Write said:


> If he's not there, I just ignore the attention...pretend I'm occupied with my phone or something. If they get really obnoxious, I just pick my nose.


That won't work... Women who aren't grossed out by boogers are way more likely to swallow.


----------



## sandc

larry.gray said:


> That won't work... Women who aren't grossed out by boogers are way more likely to swallow.


So THAT's the correlation! :smthumbup:


----------



## tracyishere

Gosh! I am never eating another booger in public again


----------



## 6301

tracyishere said:


> No no no. We fluff!


 OK. I'll bite. What's fluff. Is that like waving a magazine around after you fart and vacate the room?


----------



## tracyishere

Urban dictionary says: 
A fluff is called a lady fart.


----------



## sandc




----------



## sandc

I've heard unicorns laughing their asses off.


----------



## tracyishere

Oh, if only I had a horn to play with everyday.....


----------



## Created2Write

larry!!!!! ROFL.


----------



## sandc




----------



## Rowan

tracyishere said:


> Urban dictionary says:
> A fluff is called a lady fart.



A fluffer, however, is something entirely different.


----------



## tracyishere

what is a fluffer?


----------



## tracyishere

sandc said:


>


WOW! If only I had a horn that big!


----------



## sandc

tracyishere said:


> what is a fluffer?


Sorry, no picture for this one.

Fluffer - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia


----------



## tracyishere

I wonder how much that job pays


----------



## sandc

Bad news...



> In the early days of the film porn industry, people called “fluffers” were employed by film studios to “arouse” the male participants prior to filming scenes. They would perform sexual acts on the actor. They were also required to keep the actors “cleaned up” between scenes and were normally considered to be part of the makeup department. While fluffers are almost entirely a thing of the past, there are some studios that still employ them – particularly in “gang bang” type scenes. Digital cameras and drugs like Viagra have removed much of the need for fluffers.


----------



## Jellybeans

tracyishere said:


> Why is it that if I am out without my husband and I get approached by a man who becomes overly flirtatious so I tell him I'm am married, he still continues to flirt and/or says so what?


This is a guy who does not care whether or not you are married. Not every man is like this. Some will step off as soon as say you are married. Some are shameless flirts, no matter your marital status.

You just have to tell him you are not into and/or walk away from him.


----------



## Jellybeans

tracyishere said:


> It wouldn't be so bad if I didn't feel bad for telling the guy off. But I cannot seem to muster up enough girl power to do that.


If you never stand your ground...


----------



## Regret214

Gosh, after reading this entire thread and the "idea" behind it, is it any wonder why this just seems to happen to the OP. You really don't see the vibe you're inviting just in this thread alone?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## DvlsAdvc8

Jellybeans said:


> Some will step off as soon as say you are married. Some are shameless flirts, no matter your marital status.
> 
> You just have to tell him you are not into and/or walk away from him.


Hey! I'm a shameless flirt but that doesn't mean I'm trying to get into a married woman's pants.


----------



## 6301

Oh yeah. I forgot what this thread was about. Got to talking about fluffer farts and all that stuff. 

Net time Tracy if he's bothering you, kick him between the legs and be done with it. Then fluff to your hearts content.


----------



## DvlsAdvc8

Regret214 said:


> Gosh, after reading this entire thread and the "idea" behind it, is it any wonder why this just seems to happen to the OP. You really don't see the vibe you're inviting just in this thread alone?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I don't see anything wrong with her personality or the vibe she's sending personally, but yeah, its going to draw a lot of men just looking for an nsa romp. Goes with the territory. If you want to stop drawing the scavengers, keep a better lid on the noms.

That doesn't mean having this sort of playful personality is bad... but if you're going to have it, you have to accept shooting down jerks that try to push it too far.


----------



## Davelli0331

DvlsAdvc8 said:


> I don't see anything wrong with her personality or the vibe she's sending personally, but yeah, its going to draw a lot of men just looking for an nsa romp. Goes with the territory. If you want to stop drawing the scavengers, keep a better lid on the noms.
> 
> That doesn't mean having this sort of playful personality is bad... but if you're going to have it, you have to accept shooting down jerks that try to push it too far.


I agree. I personally find nothing wrong with women who are more open and laid back about the sex stuff. However, Tracy, if you enjoy all the sexual banter, innuendo, and flirtatious talk IRL as much as you do on TAM, then I don't think it's very surprising that guys hit on you.

I mean, look at how this thread has gone. It was started talking about men hitting on married women but has derailed into banter and innuendo laden talk about fluffers 

Note_ that is not a commentary_ on Tracy or anyone else on here, nor is that me saying in any way, shape, or form that flirty women deserve to be hit on. All I'm saying is that flirty, overtly sexual women, even married ones, will be hit on more. I'm not saying it's right or wrong, deserved, or anything like that.


----------



## Regret214

DvlsAdvc8 said:


> I don't see anything wrong with her personality or the vibe she's sending personally, but yeah, its going to draw a lot of men just looking for an nsa romp. Goes with the territory. If you want to stop drawing the scavengers, keep a better lid on the noms.
> 
> That doesn't mean having this sort of playful personality is bad... but if you're going to have it, you have to accept shooting down jerks that try to push it too far.


Fair enough, yet the premise of the thread is misleading with the "Gee, gosh, I don't understand" thing. Then the typical TAM flirting begins and well, here we are.

Again.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## DvlsAdvc8

Funny how difficult it can be to tactfully say the obvious isn't it Dave? lol 

Non-judgmental disclaimer city.


----------



## Davelli0331

DvlsAdvc8 said:


> Funny how difficult it can be to tactfully say the obvious isn't it Dave? lol
> 
> Non-judgmental disclaimer city.


The thought may have crossed my mind


----------



## tracyishere

Well maybe I just assume that men should accept that I can be bubbly and flirtatious while still being married and not want to go out and get laid.

My bad.


----------



## Created2Write

I've had people judge me for that too, Tracy. It's one thing to be friendly with people online, on an anonymous forum. It's another to be flirtatious in real life. Frankly, I don't find sex to be a taboo subject. I enjoy talking about it.  So you have a conversationalist in me!


----------



## DvlsAdvc8

Regret214 said:


> Fair enough, yet the premise of the thread is misleading with the "Gee, gosh, I don't understand" thing. Then the typical TAM flirting begins and well, here we are.
> 
> Again.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


The boundaries she understands and respects aren't necessarily the boundaries others do - and she may be completely bewildered that guys would take what is little more than banter to her, seriously. That's her personality and its a magnet for guys who don't care that her husband isn't around... she'll have to change that or accept that she has to shut guys down. That's the direct answer I gave to her question some time ago.

I do much of the same. Just because I engage in sexual banter with someone doesn't mean I'm trying to bed them. Its just my nature to be playful. I understand however that some people take it more seriously and those are people I can't banter with.

For some people, attention seeking and playfulness is tantamount to cheating. For others, its simply personality... and its off putting when someone thinks its something its not. The latter is what I think her perspective is, and the confusion as to why someone can't just enjoy the banter and instead has to pursue things further even with a married woman makes sense... even if its a little naïve or lacking self-awareness.


----------



## Regret214

LOL. Flirtatious in real life is called friendly online? I would dare say that sounds like a question to put to people in the CWI section.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Davelli0331

Like I said, its not a judgement, nor am I saying that it's deserved. It's just the way things are. Many men are attracted to that type of woman, and they will hit on that woman whether she is married or not.


----------



## Jellybeans

DvlsAdvc8 said:


> Hey! I'm a shameless flirt but that doesn't mean I'm trying to get into a married woman's pants.


And that is why I said _Not every man is like this. Some will step off as soon as say you are married. _



tracyishere said:


> Well maybe I just assume that men should accept that I can be bubbly and flirtatious while still being married and not want to go out and get laid.
> 
> My bad.


Well if you are openly flirting with men then I you are inviting the attention/opening the door to get hit on. Especially if they know you are married and that you have no issue with flirting with other men.


----------



## Created2Write

lol. I didn't mean it that way, Regret. Being friendly, joking around, online on an anonymous forum doesn't mean one is asking to be hit on IRL, is what I mean. What is right for you may not be right for others. And I don't think being friendly equates to flirting. They're different things.


----------



## DvlsAdvc8

Flirtatious is flirtatious imo. Doesn't necessarily mean anything. Its more dangerous the closer to the fire you play of course, but that's just a matter of risk tolerance and personality.

The only concrete difference imo, is that online, there's less probability of anything happening in real life since you could very well be on opposite sides of the world. Still, a person you really enjoy bantering about with over a long enough period of time could easily transition into an EA.

That's why some people avoid flirtatious people. I face that obstacle regularly.


----------



## Hope1964

Moral of the story: If you _really_ want men to stop hitting on you, which _seemed_ to be the premise of this thread, stop flirting with them. Simple.

At least now I know why *I* don't have this problem. I am the opposite of a flirt.


----------



## sandc

Flirting by it's very nature is playing at sexual availability. For most marrieds it's just fun and games. But some don't know where to draw the line and then... well that's why we have a CWI forum.


----------



## sandc

Hope1964 said:


> Moral of the story: If you _really_ want men to stop hitting on you, which _seemed_ to be the premise of this thread, stop flirting with them. Simple.
> 
> At least now I know why *I* don't have this problem. I am the opposite of a flirt.


It's that "FnCK OFF" T-shirt you're always wearing.


----------



## DvlsAdvc8

Jellybeans said:


> And that is why I said _Not every man is like this. Some will step off as soon as say you are married. _


But I do keep right on flirting. For me, the flirt is the end... so I don't really care if someone is married. For me, flirting is just flirting... an enjoyable activity on its own, not a tactic to get somewhere. I've never escalated with a married woman.

It doesn't happen often, but if someone interrupts the flirting with an "I'm married" or husband reference... I gather that she's out of her comfort zone and reading too much into it. So I say something like "Yeah, my husband xyz too" or make some other joke to disarm the threat. Something that says "I'm just playful, don't take it too seriously."


----------



## Jellybeans

Hope1964 said:


> Moral of the story: If you _really_ want men to stop hitting on you, which _seemed_ to be the premise of this thread, stop flirting with them. Simple.
> 
> At least now I know why *I* don't have this problem. I am the opposite of a flirt.


It seems so simple, right? 

Honestly, if a married woman is actively flirting with a man, what does she expect? The man is already going to think she's into it and if she is doing that. 

Now, if she is not actively flirting with a man and he still is relentless, then she should politely tell him to fck off (like a lady). 

It's not hard. 



sandc said:


> It's that fnck off T-shirt you're always wearing.


And Hope wears it so well.


----------



## Jellybeans

DvlsAdvc8 said:


> But I do keep right on flirting. For me, the flirt is the end... so I don't really care if someone is married. For me, flirting is just flirting... an enjoyable activity on its own, not a tactic to get somewhere. I've never escalated with a married woman.
> 
> It doesn't happen often, but if someone interrupts the flirting with an "I'm married" or husband reference... I gather that she's out of her comfort zone and reading too much into it. So I say something like "Yeah, my husband xyz too" or make some other joke to disarm the threat. Something that says "I'm just playful, don't take it too seriously."


To each their own. Just be advised that you may be crossing boundaries when you do this especially if she's not into it and thinks its disrespectful. If so, then stand back.


----------



## Giro flee

I know that it takes very little encouragement to get men to hit on you. All you have to do is make eye contact for longer than a nanosecond and they will come right over and talk to you. If I'm not looking for attention there is no eye contact and no smiling. That usually keeps everybody but the drunks away.


----------



## sandc

DvlsAdvc8 said:


> But I do keep right on flirting. For me, the flirt is the end... so I don't really care if someone is married. For me, flirting is just flirting... an enjoyable activity on its own, not a tactic to get somewhere. I've never escalated with a married woman.
> 
> It doesn't happen often, but if someone interrupts the flirting with an "I'm married" or husband reference... I gather that she's out of her comfort zone and reading too much into it. So I say something like "Yeah, my husband xyz too" or make some other joke to disarm the threat. Something that says "I'm just playful, don't take it too seriously."


But I think most women expect this. Just like most men expect faithful married women to not flirt back. When they do flirt back I think many men would think them as being open to the possibility of more than just flirting.


----------



## Hope1964

sandc said:


> It's that "FnCK OFF" T-shirt you're always wearing.


It's "Frak Off"


----------



## sandc

sandc said:


> It's that "FnCK OFF" T-shirt you're always wearing.


BTW, I meant this in good way, Hope! You know, the strong, "I know what I don't want" kind of way.


----------



## tracyishere

Ok. I did not flirt with this man. I only flirt with my friends not random strangers. My friends know me well enough to know it's all fun and play along.

There was no sexual talk while this guy was present. In fact quite the opposite. We kinda all went into an awkward silence while he was there. 

I don't invite guys into conversations. I stay away from them. I have never approached a guy. Why would I? 

So to imply that I am going out to flirt with men is inaccurate. I was sitting at the table with a group of friends. He joined. That's what happened.


----------



## sandc

Hope1964 said:


> It's "Frak Off"


Abso-fraking-lutely.


----------



## sandc

tracyishere said:


> Ok. I did not flirt with this man. I only flirt with my friends not random strangers. My friends know me well enough to know it's all fun and play along.
> 
> There was no sexual talk while this guy was present. In fact quite the opposite. We kinda all went into an awkward silence while he was there.
> 
> I don't invite guys into conversations. I stay away from them. I have never approached a guy. Why would I?
> 
> So to imply that I am going out to flirt with men is inaccurate. I was sitting at the table with a group of friends. He joined. That's what happened.


In that case just tell him to leave. Call a bouncer if he won't.


----------



## Hope1964

Now it's only one guy? :scratchhead: I got the impression this was an ongoing problem for you.


----------



## Jellybeans

sandc said:


> But I think most women expect this. *Just like most men expect faithful married women to not flirt back. When they do flirt back I think many men would think them as being open to the possibility of more than just flirting.*


_Ding. Ding. Ding._ We have a winner!

:iagree::smthumbup::iagree::smthumbup:


----------



## DvlsAdvc8

Jellybeans said:


> To each their own. Just be advised that you may be crossing boundaries when you do this especially if she's not into it and thinks its disrespectful. If so, then stand back.


Well, I don't really know the disrespect/rejection response. The most I've ever gotten is the married/hubby mention and like I said, I use jokes to demonstrate how non-serious I am about all of it.

Flirting isn't really a one way game anyway. All anyone I'm flirting with has to do to end it is stop flirting back.


----------



## tracyishere

Hope1964 said:


> Now it's only one guy? :scratchhead: I got the impression this was an ongoing problem for you.



Well do you want me to give you an antecedent for all my encounters?


----------



## DvlsAdvc8

tracyishere said:


> Ok. I did not flirt with this man. I only flirt with my friends not random strangers. My friends know me well enough to know it's all fun and play along.
> 
> There was no sexual talk while this guy was present. In fact quite the opposite. We kinda all went into an awkward silence while he was there.
> 
> I don't invite guys into conversations. I stay away from them. I have never approached a guy. Why would I?
> 
> So to imply that I am going out to flirt with men is inaccurate. I was sitting at the table with a group of friends. He joined. That's what happened.


Dunno then... if its not a personality signal, then you're just pretty.


----------



## tracyishere

Jellybeans said:


> _Ding. Ding. Ding._ We have a winner!
> 
> :iagree::smthumbup::iagree::smthumbup:


So I am an unfaithful wife because I talk about sex with my friends?!!


----------



## DvlsAdvc8

Hope1964 said:


> Now it's only one guy? :scratchhead: I got the impression this was an ongoing problem for you.


She referred to a specific instance of the trend in the original post I think, and that's what she's answering to.

I'm inclined to think that if its a pattern, its likely the result of a personality trait that makes one more sexually approachable.


----------



## Hope1964

I haven't seen anyone call you an unfaithful wife.

You posted to say that you routinely have to beat men off with a stick, we said maybe you're giving off the wrong vibe, and that if it's the same vibe you give off on TAM then yeah, it's the wrong vibe.


----------



## Regret214

DvlsAdvc8 said:


> She referred to a specific instance of the trend in the original post I think, and that's what she's answering to.
> 
> I'm inclined to think that if its a pattern, its likely the result of a personality trait that makes one more sexually approachable.


Pretty much. Speaking from experience that is.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## DvlsAdvc8

sandc said:


> But I think most women expect this. Just like most men expect faithful married women to not flirt back. When they do flirt back I think many men would think them as being open to the possibility of more than just flirting.


I don't. Maybe they are open to more, maybe they aren't. In my experience they don't escalate, and I've never escalated, so it remains what it was... just flirts and laughs.


----------



## sandc

tracyishere said:


> So I am an unfaithful wife because I talk about sex with my friends?!!


Not unfaithful but pushing boundaries if these are OSF, IMO. I'll talk about sex with the people here on TAM of both sexes because we're all mostly hundreds of miles away from each other. Fairly big boundary. I don't discuss sex with my friends of the opposite sex. I just don't. Now the guys... that's another matter.


----------



## tracyishere

No My friends are all married. We all sit around and talk about whiskey dinks and lucky underwear. I suppose we are all unfaithful and inappropriate. Such a shame.


----------



## Regret214

No need to flip it around and play victim of your own thread/posts.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## DvlsAdvc8

Different people will have different comfort zones / boundaries.

To the point of the OP, the lure for these guys may simply be her being attractive and approachable, if there's not any prior flirtatiousness.

Some of us flirt without even realizing it half the time. Its just personality. We enjoy the attention, laughs and fun. There's a cleverness to it that I like the most. Nothing really wrong with that imo, but these people have to recognize that other people may get the wrong message and pursue for real. I'm in this flirtatious group, and I'd bet Tracy is too... maybe its even just a "friendliness" that can be perceived as flirting. When a woman takes it seriously, I can joke it into absurdity. Guys are probably harder to shut down since its not uncommon for women to play hard to get. In those cases, I really think your best option is to ignore them. One word responses if you have to talk at all.


----------



## Jellybeans

DvlsAdvc8 said:


> Flirting isn't really a one way game anyway.* All anyone I'm flirting with has to do to end it is stop flirting back*.


And that was the crux of what I said. If a woman isn't flirting back with someone who is flirting with her, it's usually game over. 

That's for pointing it out so nicely. 



sandc said:


> BTW, I meant this in good way, Hope! You know, the strong, "I know what I don't want" kind of way.


And that is exactly how I took it that you meant it about Hope. There is nothing sexier than a woman with boundaries who doesn't take sh!t. Lol.



tracyishere said:


> So I am an unfaithful wife because I talk about sex with my friends?!!


I never ever said you were unfaithful. I was highlighting his post where he says most guys expect their wives to be faithful and that if she is flirting with some dude, then it's open sesame. It's pretty much common sense. I wasn't talking about YOU in particular or talking about your fidelity. Just in the broad sense/scheme of things.

The bottom line is that if a married woman is openly flirting with a man, he is probably going to think she's up for flirting/more/etc. (any one of those things). 



Hope1964 said:


> I haven't seen anyone call you an unfaithful wife.


Righto. And that was not my intention. 



Hope1964 said:


> You posted to say that you routinely have to beat men off with a stick, we said maybe you're giving off the wrong vibe, and that if it's the same vibe you give off on TAM then yeah, it's the wrong vibe.





DvlsAdvc8 said:


> She referred to a specific instance of the trend in the original post I think, and that's what she's answering to.


Yes but then she went on to say this: 



tracyishere said:


> *It's not just a one time thing.* I am usually alone at functions due to my H's social phobia so I get weirdos hitting on me all the time.
> 
> It wouldn't be so bad if I didn't feel bad for telling the guy off. But I cannot seem to muster up enough girl power to do that.
> 
> This guy was a client and obviously had no sense of boundaries. He knew I was a staff I told him that from the beginning. Then he proceeded to ask if I'd visit him, he then offered me his #, I refused and told him I was married, he insisted I take it to "just be friends". I again said no I'd rather not. He then asked me to ensure I visit him still.
> 
> I had never met this man before!


The bottom line is, Tracy, you just need to make it super clear to these guys that you aren't into flirting by standing your ground. Also, it seems some of your clients are very unprofessional. That sh*t would never fly at my company functions.


----------



## Jellybeans

Deejo said:


> "You think I'm attractive! That's what I keep telling my husband, I should introduce you so you can tell him! He just got out of prison ..."
> 
> The fun never ends.





Deejo said:


> "I never used to get this much attention when I was a man. Seriously, I could kiss you right now."


:rofl::rofl::rofl:

These are GUARANTEED to work. Love it, Deejo!


----------



## DvlsAdvc8

Jellybeans said:


> And that was the crux of what I said. If a woman isn't flirting back with someone who is flirting with her, it's usually game over.
> 
> That's for pointing it out so nicely.


Sometimes women will point out that they're married, but keep right on flirting. That's why I objected. I just read it more as personality than intention.

But then, I can't say for sure really... as I've said I've never tried to take it any further. All I wanted was the banter.


----------



## Caribbean Man

Wait.

Am I hearing that if a woman simply flirts with a man that it's * supposed * to be an invitation for him to hit on her even if she isn't open to it , and explicitly tells him so?

I don't think I can agree with that.

To me, it's like saying if a woman doesn't want to be harassed by strange men in public , she should dress modestly.

I think a woman is free to dress how she wants and smile / chat/ flirt with whosoever she wants. Doesn't automatically give a total stranger the " green light" to begin harassing her after she tells him she's not interested.


----------



## Jellybeans

Caribbean Man said:


> Wait.
> 
> Am I hearing that if a woman simply flirts with a man that it's * supposed * to be an invitation for him to hit on her *even if she isn't open to it *, *and explicitly tells him so*?


HUH? If a married woman is openly flirting with a man then she is not really showing that she isn't into him flirting back with her. Especially if she keeps egging it on by NOT stopping flirting.

Now if she has told him point blank she's not into and he keeps it up, *that is a different game altogether. *

We are discussing the cases in which, she has NOT shut the guy down and she is actively flirting with him. If a married woman is flirting with a man and keeps flirting with said man, he is probably going to think she is interested.

This is not the same thing as being harassed.


----------



## Hope1964

It always amuses me how things can get turned around. It's like the telephone game. Next she'll be getting raped after saying NO.


----------



## Jellybeans

Hope1964 said:


> It always amuses me how things can get turned around. It's like the telephone game. Next she'll be getting raped after saying NO.


:iagree:


----------



## Caribbean Man

Jellybeans said:


> HUH? If a married woman is openly flirting with a man then she is not really showing that she isn't into him flirting back with her. Especially if she keeps egging it on by NOT stopping flirting.
> 
> Now if she has told him point blank she's not into and he keeps it up, *that is a different game altogether. *
> 
> We are discussing the cases in which, she has NOT shut the guy down and she is actively flirting with him. If a married woman is flirting with a man and keeps flirting with said man, he is probably going to think she is interested.
> 
> This is not the same thing as being harassed.


If two people are flirting then how can one of them be offended whilst still flirting?

If one is offended and the other still continues, then yes,
That's harassment.

PS:
I think you need to check the definition of flirt.
Flirting is never meant to be taken seriously neither is it supposed to be overly sexual.


----------



## DvlsAdvc8

Caribbean Man said:


> I think a woman is free to dress how she wants and smile / chat/ flirt with whosoever she wants. Doesn't automatically give a total stranger the " green light" to begin harassing her after she tells him she's not interested.


Why is it flirting for her to do it, but harassment when he responds to it? If she doesn't want his "harassment", she shouldn't flirt with him. Flirting is an odd way to say "I'm not interested".

She can smile/chat/flirt with whomever she wants, and he can make passes at whomever he wants. If she wants to avoid bites, stop casting line.


----------



## Caribbean Man

DvlsAdvc8 said:


> Why is it flirting for her to do it, but harassment when he responds to it? If she doesn't want his "harassment", she shouldn't flirt with him. Flirting is an odd way to say "I'm not interested".
> 
> She can smile/chat/flirt with whomever she wants, and he can make passes at whomever he wants. If she wants to avoid bites, stop casting line.


Because simply being pleasant or exchanging pleasantries with the opposite sex can be defined as flirting.

"_ Good evening Mr. Smith_ " . >insert warm fake smile< , " _man you look good in that suit!_"
Can be defined ^^^ as flirting.

Doesn't mean that she wants to jump my bones.


----------



## Regret214

Cough, cough, bullshorts.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Hope1964

Caribbean Man said:


> Because simply being pleasant or exchanging pleasantries with the opposite sex can be defined as flirting.
> 
> " Good even Mr. Smith " . >insert warm fake smile< , " man you look good in that suit!"
> Can be defined ^^^ as flirting.


Well, like has been pointed out, and not contradicted, if she's doing in person the type of thing she doesn on TAM, that isn't just 'pleasantries'


----------



## DvlsAdvc8

This is all really tangent though... since OP says she's not flirting with him/them, its moot.

Is there any question left?

Bottom line, some guys don't care if you're married or not when pursuing you for sex. The same goes for women. Ignoring them is the best route imo.


----------



## Caribbean Man

Hope1964 said:


> Well, like has been pointed out, and not contradicted, if she's doing in person the type of thing she doesn on TAM, that isn't just 'pleasantries'



Really?

I've not seen her post anything inappropriate.


----------



## DvlsAdvc8

Caribbean Man said:


> Because simply being pleasant or exchanging pleasantries with the opposite sex can be defined as flirting.
> 
> "_ Good evening Mr. Smith_ " . >insert warm fake smile< , " _man you look good in that suit!_"
> Can be defined ^^^ as flirting.
> 
> Doesn't mean that she wants to jump my bones.


Flirting isn't a single exchange. Its a series of alluring exchanges.

Regardless, the guy doesn't even need to wait for her flirting to be justified in pursuing her. He's within his right to make whatever passes he wants when he wants and she receptive to them or not.

But a series of alluring exchanges... flirting... most definitely invites a pass. "Nice suit", not so much... x more compliments, jokes and innuendos later... absolutely. Even that doesn't mean she wants to jump my bones... but it absolutely entices me to escalate.


----------



## Caribbean Man

DvlsAdvc8 said:


> Bottom line, some guys don't care if you're married or not when pursuing you for sex. The same goes for women. Ignoring them is the best route imo.


I agree, but blaming an extrovert for being too * friendly* with the opposite sex sounds kinda "_ Sharia_ " to me.

People, especially men ,need to learn to respect other people's boundaries , IMO.

If a woman comes into a room and flirts with every other man in the room beside me , how under heavens does that give me the
" green light" to harass her?


----------



## Jellybeans

Caribbean Man said:


> If two people are flirting then how can one of them be offended whilst still flirting?
> 
> If one is offended and the other still continues, then yes,
> That's harassment.


Which was my point. 

If TWO people are openly flirting, then that is ONE thing. My example was the married woman who OPENLY and ACTIVELY flirts with men. How could she possibly be offended if a man starts flirting back with her? 

If ONE person has told the other they are not INTO it and the other person continues, it's a different game altogether.

Now I am just repeating myself.


----------



## DvlsAdvc8

Caribbean Man said:


> Really?
> 
> I've not seen her post anything inappropriate.


Not inappropriate to my thinking, but certainly flirtatious and not just kind pleasantries. That's fine... that's some people's personality; but it does invite people to make passes in real life.


----------



## Hope1964

I am not going to waste my time combing through old threads. Besides, the most inappropriate ones have been deleted. And I am not going to argue about the definition of inappropriate or flirting or whatever either. You have your opinion, I have mine, and they don't jive.

I do find myself agreeing with Dvls though, which in and of itself is kinda scary


----------



## Deejo

I dunno, I've always liked engaging in witty banter or light flirting, disarming any idea that my intentions are nefarious and then paying a respectful exit from the exchange ... after all, it isn't always about sex ...

That's often also the point where I get a number offered up. Then comes the sex ...


----------



## Caribbean Man

Jellybeans said:


> If TWO people are openly flirting, then that is ONE thing. My example was the married woman who OPENLY and ACTIVELY flirts with men. How could she possibly be offended if a man starts flirting back with her?


If she initiates the flirting,then she cannot be offended if he responds. That's illogical.

But she clearly stated that she was not amused and he continued.
That's harassment, plain and simple.


----------



## Davelli0331

As has been said, I don't think a woman with a naturally flirtatious or overtly sexual personality _deserves_ or _should be_ hit on.

But it does increase the chances that it's going to happen.

And somehow innuendo laced talk of fluffers doesn't strike me as casual conversation. I normally just smile and say "hi" then continue on my way.

Again, that's not a judgment. And I agree to an extent that it sucks that women can't talk more openly about sex stuff without being creeped on. But there's a different between talking about sex as an objective topic and bantering back and forth with someone.

And even that banter isn't a boundary for many people, so that's no-harm-no-foul for those people, too.


----------



## Caribbean Man

Deejo said:


> ... after all, it isn't always about sex ...


My point exactly.

Is it that humans have now become irrational beasts unable to differentiate between light banter and direct sexual overtones?


----------



## Davelli0331

And obviously, if Tracy clearly told the guy to leave her alone and he kept at it, then he should have left her alone.


----------



## Caribbean Man

FrenchFry said:


> How about this? Some faces to practice shutting a guy down:
> 
> click here
> 
> My personal favorite is a well-executed ew face:


French,
You seem to have an arsenal of *_ those^^^things_ * at your disposal.:scratchhead:
Yes?

But some women actually look sexier when they pout like that.:rofl:

That too, could be considered " flirting."


----------



## DvlsAdvc8

Caribbean Man said:


> I agree, but blaming an extrovert for being too * friendly* with the opposite sex sounds kinda "_ Sharia_ " to me.
> 
> People, especially men ,need to learn to respect other people's boundaries , IMO.


You're asking men to read minds. What differentiates this woman from a woman who IS actually interest? What most are going to read from her is a woman who seems into them. The natural next move if he's interested in her too is to escalate the engagement. That's her signal that he has received the wrong message. Its her duty to correct the message.

A guy isn't doing anything wrong in hitting on a woman who has been more friendly than most.

"Sharia", would be saying that the woman shouldn't be like that at all. I'm saying being like that comes with a catch - the likely need to correct your message to all who receive it incorrectly.

Even the correction isn't likely to be taken immediately... given the prior sense of interest. Now, he has mixed messages... and most guys will keep marching. Maybe she's being coy? Maybe she's playing hard to get? Sh*t test? "She was flirting with me pretty hard just 2 minutes ago... wtf?" See what I'm saying?

Her initial behavior invites the confusion, and so she has to deal with it. Yes, that's a crux of being an affable, extroverted, and flirtatious woman. Guys like it and are going to make a move.


----------



## Davelli0331

from Jenna Marbles









Google for the related youtube video, sh!t's hilarious


----------



## DvlsAdvc8

Caribbean Man said:


> If she initiates the flirting,then she cannot be offended if he responds. That's illogical.
> 
> But she clearly stated that she was not amused and he continued.
> That's harassment, plain and simple.


She also said this happens all the time. Is she surrounded by jerks or is she likely sending out some inviting signals?

I think the latter is more likely.


----------



## Caribbean Man

DvlsAdvc8 said:


> You're asking men to read minds. *What differentiates this woman from a woman who IS actually interest?*


When she clearly says that she NOT interested.


----------



## Caribbean Man

DvlsAdvc8 said:


> She also said this happens all the time. Is she surrounded by jerks or is she likely sending out some inviting signals?
> 
> I think the latter is more likely.


Neither.

She's an extrovert.
She's _naturally_ like that , just like some women are introverts.
They _naturally_ give off a " fcuk off " vibe.


----------



## Jellybeans

Caribbean Man said:


> When she clearly says that she NOT interested.


Precisely. Which the OP has not done. Which is why we have been telling her that if she isn't into it, to stand her ground and tell these dudes to politely go somewhere.


----------



## DvlsAdvc8

Hope1964 said:


> I do find myself agreeing with Dvls though, which in and of itself is kinda scary


:lol:

Hey, at least I'm straight up about it.


----------



## TiggyBlue

Davelli0331 said:


> from Jenna Marbles
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Google for the related youtube video, sh!t's hilarious


:rofl: I was thinking about recommending Jenna, pretty sure the go away face would work.


----------



## tracyishere

Hummmmm.....How did I not clearly define I wasn't not interested. I told him no, that I was married and I pointed to my ring.

I see a wide difference in how men perceive me here compared to women.


----------



## Davelli0331

And what does Jenna say?

That to ward men off you must stay committed to the face, almost to the point of seeming insane.

Seriously guys the video is hilarious.


----------



## DvlsAdvc8

Caribbean Man said:


> Neither.
> 
> She's an extrovert.
> She's _naturally_ like that , just like some women are introverts.
> They _naturally_ give off a " fcuk off " vibe.


And extroverts get hit on a hell of a lot more than introverts because they seem interested. That's the whole point. Its not a matter of fault.. it simply just IS.

The extrovert simply has to accept that this is the way it is and correct her message, just as a hot woman probably has to turn down a lot of unwanted guys (and she's done nothing at all). The guys aren't doing anything wrong in pursuing either of them.

Now if she corrects him, and he continues, sure - there is a point where it reaches harassment - but that is not immediate. Right off the bat, he's going to simply be confused about the mixed messages he feels like he's gotten.


----------



## Jellybeans

tracyishere said:


> Hummmmm.....How did I not clearly define I wasn't not interested. I told him no, that I was married and I pointed to my ring.
> 
> I see a wide difference in how men perceive me here compared to women.


Not sure where you are going with that. Or wait, I kind of am. 

Look, you posted on an open forum. You are going to get all kinds of answers.

Pretty much everyone here has stated that if you aren't into a guy flirting with you, then tell him so.

You said yourself that *you had NOT done this* and yet wonder why they keep it up. Or rather, that you did not really know how to deal with telling someone to go somewhere. The thing is, you have GOT to stand your ground and make it HELLA clear you are done with this person acting like this toward you.

Then later you said you are "bubbly and flirtatious" married person and *do* flirt with people.

Am I missing something here?


----------



## Deejo

FrenchFry said:


> How about this? Some faces to practice shutting a guy down:
> 
> click here and replace the stars with a word that rhymes with "itch"
> 
> My personal favorite is a well-executed ew face:


That is a most epic Jennifer Lawrence eww face.

Man, I'm gonna use this all the time.


----------



## Unique Username

A *lady* can also learn to give off the don't mess with me vibe and a stern look...and then any troll that bothers is easily kept away.

Any letch that makes a false step or move or word - is easily dealt with by letting the bartender know (if in a bar) the bouncer etc.

Whether married or not - it works.


----------



## Caribbean Man

DvlsAdvc8 said:


> And extroverts get hit on a hell of a lot more than introverts because they seem interested. That's the whole point. Its not a matter of fault.. it simply just IS.
> 
> The extrovert simply has to accept that this is the way it is and correct her message, just as a hot woman probably has to turn down a lot of unwanted guys. The guys aren't doing anything wrong in pursuing either of them.
> 
> Now if she corrects him, and he continues, sure - there is a point where it reaches harassment - but that is not immediate. Right off the bat, he's going to simply be confused about the mixed messages he feels like he's gotten.



I think you all are moralizing here.

And besides why must the onus be on people who are naturally extroverted to " tone down" their temperament?
I think if people just simply respected " not interested" , and simply take things at face value, rather than projecting their own sexual desires ,things would be better.


----------



## Caribbean Man

FrenchFry said:


> A counter example:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Not a b-face, she's still smiling even though her lips mouth "weirdo"
> 
> You can smile and have a b-face though: just stop talking.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> <I use this one too--it's super disconcerting.


And some guys still won't respect that.

So what's a woman to do next?
Wear a Burka?


----------



## tracyishere

Jellybeans said:


> Not sure where you are going with that. Or wait, I kind of am.
> 
> Look, you posted on an open forum. You are going to get all kinds of answers.
> 
> Pretty much everyone here has stated that if you aren't into a guy flirting with you, then tell him so.
> 
> You said yourself that *you had NOT done this* and yet wonder why they keep it up. Or rather, that you did not really know how to deal with telling someone to go somewhere. The thing is, you have GOT to stand your ground and make it HELLA clear you are done with this person acting like this toward you.
> 
> Then later you said you are "bubbly and flirtatious" married person and *do* flirt with people.
> 
> Am I missing something here?


I thought I had. So that is why I was confused and started this thread. Which I learned otherwise. Thank you for the advice.

We have now moved on to judging my character and this is where I am feeling a bit defensive.

It's not like I did nothing, giggled at his jokes and shoved my boobs in his face. You guys are making me feel like I was enjoying it, if not enticing him to continue.


----------



## Unique Username

I've never had to resort to anything more violent CM.

I'm extroverted and get hit on a lot. 
Or not - depending upon my mood.
Body language and facial expressions work as frenchy has illustrated beautifully.

Easiest thing to do is NOT flirt back. Don't catch their eye. 

And then any dude that doesn't get the hint can be easily dealt with verbally. Most of the letches you all are referring to aren't very smart, so verbally lambasting them (without swearing) works.
I really don't like confrontation - so I don't put myself in that position.

I think a lot has to do with how one carries themselves. 
Your wife couldn't help that jerk at he mall - he is one of the letches I was referring to. YOU were there to be her Knight in shining armor, had you not been there - trust me Mrs. Cm would have handled herself very well.


----------



## DvlsAdvc8

I love Jenna Marbles. She's ridiculously awesome.


----------



## TiggyBlue

Maybe do the overly keen face


----------



## Deejo

Caribbean Man said:


> And some guys still won't respect that.
> 
> So what's a woman to do next?
> Wear a Burka?


I like Jenna Marbles suggestion of 'spontaneously planking'.

That is one funny woman.


----------



## DvlsAdvc8

Caribbean Man said:


> I think you all are moralizing here.
> 
> And besides why must the onus be on people who are naturally extroverted to " tone down" their temperament?
> I think if people just simply respected " not interested" , and simply take things at face value, rather than projecting their own sexual desires ,things would be better.


Because the extroversion is easily interpreted as interested, and subsequently saying "not interested" just leaves people confused.

You can wish people were whatever way you will... I'm talking about how people ARE. And let's face it, its the extroverted person who perceives the problem... not the one who thinks he's responding to flirts.

So what? She has to shut him down a few times to get it to stick. That's the price of being the friendly girl in the room sucking up all the attention.


----------



## Deejo

TiggyBlue said:


> Maybe do the overly keen face


Also a very funny and very cute woman, Laina, the Overly Attached Girlfriend. She was the muse for my first response in this thread.


----------



## Unique Username

TiggyBlue said:


> Maybe do the overly keen face


lmao I don't know how well this one would work, because some men are just drawn to Bat Shyt Crazy.


----------



## Unique Username

What's a burka?


----------



## Deejo

Jellybeans said:


> Not sure where you are going with that. Or wait, I kind of am.
> 
> Look, you posted on an open forum. You are going to get all kinds of answers.
> 
> Pretty much everyone here has stated that if you aren't into a guy flirting with you, then tell him so.
> 
> You said yourself that *you had NOT done this* and yet wonder why they keep it up. Or rather, that you did not really know how to deal with telling someone to go somewhere. The thing is, you have GOT to stand your ground and make it HELLA clear you are done with this person acting like this toward you.
> 
> Then later you said you are "bubbly and flirtatious" married person and *do* flirt with people.
> 
> Am I missing something here?


So what you really were trying to say Jelly, is ...


----------



## DvlsAdvc8

tracyishere said:


> It's not like I did nothing, giggled at his jokes and shoved my boobs in his face. You guys are making me feel like I was enjoying it, if not enticing him to continue.


I hope you're not reading my posts that way. I'm just saying that if its a regular thing, then its more likely something you're doing that lures them. You don't have to change whatever that is, whether its being extroverted or just friendly. But attracting these guys comes with the territory and your best solution is to ignore them.


----------



## thunderstruck

FrenchFry said:


> A counter example:


.
.
The hell with this thread. Who is this woman?


----------



## DvlsAdvc8

Unique Username said:


> What's a burka?


The opposite of your avatar.


----------



## TiggyBlue

I find that if a guy won't take the hint and keeps on pushing 'I told you I'm married, now p!ss off' then walking away works (only had to that a couple of times).


----------



## Caribbean Man

Unique Username said:


> I've never had to resort to anything more violent CM.
> 
> I'm extroverted and get hit on a lot.
> Or not - depending upon my mood.
> Body language and facial expressions work as frenchy has illustrated beautifully.
> 
> Easiest thing to do is NOT flirt back. Don't catch their eye.
> 
> And then any dude that doesn't get the hint can be easily dealt with verbally. Most of the letches you all are referring to aren't very smart, so verbally lambasting them (without swearing) works.
> I really don't like confrontation - so I don't put myself in that position.
> 
> I think a lot has to do with how one carries themselves.
> Your wife couldn't help that jerk at he mall - he is one of the letches I was referring to. YOU were there to be her Knight in shining armor, had you not been there - trust me Mrs. Cm would have handled herself very well.


I have no doubt that she would have.
In fact many times she has.

But what I reading in this thread is if a married woman flirts with other men then she's looking for sex.

My wife does a light banter and sometimes flirt with her male friends , and I don't think she telling them she's open for sex.

One time we went to a particular event and she asked the young security guard something whilst I was on my phone. They engaged in a light banter, then she excused herself and came back across to me.
Maybe he thought she was hitting him?
I don't know.
But if he had followed her after she excused herself, then guess what would have happened?
Right.
We need to learn to respect each other's boundaries.
Men are especially guilty of this. Seems to me that they almost always misinterpret [ purposely?] what a woman says.


----------



## TiggyBlue

thunderstruck said:


> .
> .
> The hell with this thread. Who is this woman?


Cheryl Cole.


----------



## thunderstruck

Caribbean Man said:


> And some guys still won't respect that.


Agree. Some guys won't respect that, but on top of that, I'd say that most guys are so clueless to social cues that they wouldn't even notice if a woman gave them that - "Back off, creep." look.


----------



## Caribbean Man

Unique Username said:


> What's a burka?


Burka or more accurately,Burqa


----------



## tracyishere

So the just of it is...It is my fault I get hit on. I have an inappropriate demeanor that attracts weirdo's. 

I need to either deal with it or change my demeanor. Got it.


----------



## Caribbean Man

thunderstruck said:


> Agree. Some guys won't respect that, but on top of that, I'd say that most guys are so clueless to social cues that they wouldn't even notice if a woman gave them that - "Back off, creep." look.


That's my point.

So what's a woman to do then?

That the conversation is centered around a woman adjusting her natural disposition because of the *imminent threat* of unwanted attention , to me is a paradox, but a fail on every level.


----------



## Unique Username

Some married women who flirt ARE looking for sex.
Some married women who flirt are looking to drive their husband crazy.
Some married women who flirt are just being flirty and it means absolutely nothing to them, they would never be unfaithful period.
Some married women who flirt are trying to be teases to get men hot and bothered and to manipulate them.

Same things can be said of single women, and same can be said of women who are in relationships but not married.
Can't say all about anything.


----------



## Davelli0331

tracyishere said:


> So the just of it is...It is my fault I get hit on. I have an inappropriate demeanor that attracts weirdo's.
> 
> I need to either deal with it or change my demeanor. Got it.


I think you're taking this much more personally than is intended.

You like to talk about sex. _A lot_. You've said yourself that you like to be bubbly, flirtatious, and that you enjoy the banter and innuendo. Even your sig is about sex.

_And there's nothing wrong with that!_

However, many men are attracted to that, and many men, rightly or wrongly, interpret that kind of behavior from a woman as an invite. Is that wrong of them when they can see the woman is married? _Absolutely_. Will that stop them? _No_.

You don't *have* to change anything. You don't *have* to adjust your personality. But expecting that all men the world over will suddenly stop hitting on overtly sexual women just because she's married is not a realistic expectation.

Is that vile and dishonorable? Maybe so. But it is reality.


----------



## Unique Username

Ultimately - we can only control our own behavior and how we react to the behaviors of others.

If one thinks that maybe, possibly, they have given off the aura that it is okay to make advances towards them...then it would be logical to think about how one could change their behavior...or not.


----------



## Jellybeans

tracyishere said:


> *It's not like I did nothing, giggled at his jokes and shoved my boobs in his face. You guys are making me feel like I was enjoying it, if not enticing him to continue.*


And *nobody* here said that you did. Those are YOUR words and YOUR feelings. You are projecting. 

Your original post: 



tracyishere said:


> Why is it that if I am out without my husband and I get approached by a man who becomes overly flirtatious so I tell him I'm am married, he still continues to flirt and/or says so what?


Pretty much everyone here has stated that if a guy keeps on he has bad boundaries, doesn't care that you are married and is a creep. 

Then you went on to say: 



tracyishere said:


> We have now moved on to judging my character and this is where I am feeling a bit defensive.
> 
> I see a wide difference in how men perceive me here compared to women.


Clearly which is why you started to insinuate that the women folk of TAM were perceiving you as a tart. And that is exactly where you were going with that. We are simply giving different scenarios and telling you that you have got to learn how to set boundaries and let these dudes know plain as day that you are JUST not that into them.

I personally have used the "I feel like you are being inappropriate and it is making me uncomfortable" line and it has worked WONDERS.


----------



## DvlsAdvc8

Caribbean Man said:


> We need to learn to respect each other's boundaries.
> Men are especially guilty of this. Seems to me that they almost always misinterpret [ purposely?] what a woman says.


Not sure that getting all flirty with me is a good way to tell me what you're boundaries are. I think its easy to see how a man could possibly mistake a married woman's intentions after she does so.

The vagueness here is going to lead to these sorts of showdowns. Its inevitable. Doesn't mean anyone has done something wrong. Her for being extroverted, nor him for making a move on someone he thought was interested... or even not immediately taking the hint in the confusion.

Women for the most part aren't naïve. They know that playful banter is going to get them some attention and some guys are going to take shots.


----------



## Faithful Wife

Tracy...it used to happen to me a lot, too. And frankly, I enjoyed it. But then came a time when I had to change my behavior for my own reasons and because my husband has very high standards for me. At that time, I remember this ticked me off, like "why do I have to change just because the world can't handle a flirtatious woman?" But now looking back...I realize I just liked the attention because I was lonely (when I was single) and it gave me a little thrill.

Once I met my husband, I was never lonely again because he pays me all the attention I need (which is a LOT).

So to me, it just sounds like you need more attention at home. And your husband should attend events with you. 

But if I were in your shoes, I would be flirty, too. It sounds like you are lonely and your husband doesn't pay attention to you enough.

Added later: also Tracy...I don't mean you are actually sexually flirting with these guys (or the guy this post is about). I just meant being flirty in general, and I was that way, too.


----------



## COGypsy

tracyishere said:


> So the just of it is...It is my fault I get hit on. I have an inappropriate demeanor that attracts weirdo's.
> 
> I need to either deal with it or change my demeanor. Got it.


Given some of the things you mentioned in your other thread, I think that what you need to look at is how important your desire to please other people and "be nice" is versus your desire to be treated appropriately.

It sounds like you're starting on a bit of a personal revelation and the "old" you isn't fitting you as well as it used to. It's an uncomfortable place to be, but if you just ride it out, I think you're going to come out just fine and even much improved in the end!


----------



## Regret214

Well stated Unique and let's throw in a hypothetical because we like that on TAM: A husband has a wife who is a boring, hermit with social phobia. He goes on functions without his wife due to those issues and banter begins in a flirty way. The husband joins a marriage forum which is teaming with people who have dealt with affairs of every type, including emotional affairs. The husband gets advice and then becomes comfortable with his internet persona enough that he makes wild and somewhat witty sexual banter with other members.

Now, let's take that story to CWI and see what kind of response is delivered.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## thunderstruck

Caribbean Man said:


> That's my point.
> 
> So what's a woman to do then?


I'd say that she could stop talking and then remove herself from the creep. Repeat that if he comes over again. That should be more than enough of a hint. 

Hell, I've had to do that with a few flirty women who wouldn't back off. Just STFU and walk away.


----------



## Faithful Wife

I actually think burkas are sexy.


----------



## tracyishere

Wait a minute here. I did not flirt with this man! I don't get this. How is sitting at a table with my friends being flirty?


----------



## DvlsAdvc8

Caribbean Man said:


> That's my point.
> 
> So what's a woman to do then?
> 
> That the conversation is centered around a woman adjusting her natural disposition because of the *imminent threat* of unwanted attention , to me is a paradox, but a fail on every level.


Say what? If I'm an @sshole and I want people to like me instead of hate me, hey, maybe I should stop acting like an @sshole.

If a woman doesn't want a guy hitting on her, maybe she shouldn't be bantering to begin with... not crying that some guy took the bait and takes a minute to get on the right page about where he really stands.

You're saying she should just keep right on with her extroverted routine with this guy? No. She can say "married" and "not interested" all night long... but the extroversion and flirty banter say just the opposite. Mixed messages. She needs to correct and send ONE message.


----------



## Jellybeans

Unique Username said:


> Easiest thing to do is NOT flirt back. Don't catch their eye.
> 
> And then any dude that doesn't get the hint can be easily dealt with verbally. Most of the letches you all are referring to aren't very smart, so verbally lambasting them (without swearing) works.
> 
> *I think a lot has to do with how one carries themselves. *


I so agree. Which is why dealing w/ the behavior straight away and letting it be knownly clearly that it is NOT going to happen is best. 



Deejo said:


> So what you really were trying to say Jelly, is ...


How did you know? 



TiggyBlue said:


> I find that if a guy won't take the hint and keeps on pushing *'I told you I'm married, now p!ss off' then walking away works* (only had to that a couple of times).


:iagree:



tracyishere said:


> So the just of it is..*.It is my fault I get hit on.* I have an inappropriate demeanor that attracts weirdo's.



Omg.* Really?* There is no need to start deflecting or whatever it is that you seem to be saying with this post. It's your fault? Huh? Look, you can't control what someone else does but you damn sure can control what YOU do and how you handle it. 

And yes, you SHOULD deal with it anytime someone does osmething that you feel is inapprorpriate. Why wouldn't you?

Changing demeanor is om


----------



## thunderstruck

Faithful Wife said:


> I actually think burkas are sxy.


After 8 months in the desert, so did I - "How you doin'?"

:crazy:


----------



## Caribbean Man

DvlsAdvc8 said:


> Women for the most part aren't naïve. They know that playful banter is going to get them some attention and some guys are going to take shots.


We all like external validation Dvls.

When I'm in the gym working out or in the locker room changing after workout guys come tell me that they like my lats , or my shoulders, etc.
No biggie. Whether they're gay or not does not matter to me.

Now women also tell me the same.
They like my shoulders, they like my back.

See where I'm coming from?

There are things we know, there are things we don't know. In between lies _perception._


----------



## tracyishere

Regret214 said:


> Well stated Unique and let's throw in a hypothetical because we like that on TAM: A husband has a wife who is a boring, hermit with social phobia. He goes on functions without his wife due to those issues and banter begins in a flirty way. The husband joins a marriage forum which is teaming with people who have dealt with affairs of every type, including emotional affairs. The husband gets advice and then becomes comfortable with his internet persona enough that he makes wild and somewhat witty sexual banter with other members.
> 
> Now, let's take that story to CWI and see what kind of response is delivered.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You really are in it to get me. My husbands knows I am on this site, he knows I am flirtatious and bubbly, he even helps me with some of my quirky comments. 

If it was an issue for us. I would stop. It isn't.


----------



## Lyris

Caribbean Man said:


> Really?
> 
> I've not seen her post anything inappropriate.


Really? Then you're not looking very hard. What about in the new Pics thread where in response to Camarillo's family photo Tracy said something along the lines of having to clean drool off the computer screen and having to wash her underwear? 

Yeah, that was awkward.


----------



## Jellybeans

This seems like a sh!t stirring thread...


----------



## Caribbean Man

thunderstruck said:


> Hell, I've had to do that with a few flirty women who wouldn't back off. Just STFU and walk away.


Same with me.

But I'm naturally extroverted and women are attracted whether I flirt or not.
So should I practice being more introverted or should I just know when and how to say STFU?


----------



## tracyishere

Jellybeans said:


> I so agree. Which is why dealing w/ the behavior straight away and letting it be knownly clearly that it is NOT going to happen is best.
> 
> 
> 
> How did you know?
> 
> 
> 
> :iagree:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Omg.* Really?* There is no need to start deflecting or whatever it is that you seem to be saying with this post. It's your fault? Huh? Look, you can't control what someone else does but you damn sure can control what YOU do and how you handle it.
> 
> And yes, you SHOULD deal with it anytime someone does osmething that you feel is inapprorpriate. Why wouldn't you?
> 
> Changing demeanor is om


I wasn't trying to deflect I was addressing previous posts that stated that personality or extroversion was an attraction.

I recognized that. And made a statement that I acknowledged that perhaps I could be at fault in that regard.


----------



## Jellybeans

thunderstruck said:


> I'd say that* she could stop talking and then remove herself from the creep.* Repeat that if he comes over again. That should be more than enough of a hint.
> 
> Hell, I've had to do that with a few flirty women who wouldn't back off. Just STFU and walk away.


:rofl: It's true. Thunder is a chick magnet. (An aggressive chick magnet).


----------



## DvlsAdvc8

I for one, enjoy tracy's banter. There's an ignore feature for those who don't.


----------



## tracyishere

Lyris said:


> Really? Then you're not looking very hard. What about in the new Pics thread where in response to Camarillo's family photo Tracy said something along the lines of having to clean drool off the computer screen and having to wash her underwear?
> 
> Yeah, that was awkward.


Ya that was a funny one...


----------



## Caribbean Man

Jellybeans said:


> :rofl: It's true. Thunder is a chick magnet. (An aggressive chick magnet).


And right there.
You just flirted with Thunder.


----------



## tracyishere

Caribbean Man said:


> And right there.
> You just flirted with Thunder.


:iagree:


----------



## Regret214

tracyishere said:


> You really are in it to get me. My husbands knows I am on this site, he knows I am flirtatious and bubbly, he even helps me with some of my quirky comments.
> 
> If it was an issue for us. I would stop. It isn't.



I'm not in it to get you at all. It's just eerie how I can look back at my situation, then read yours and proceed to shake my head. Oh, and in the past I've pointed at my ring and said I'm married, too. Words can be hollow at times.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Caribbean Man

Lyris said:


> Really? Then you're not looking very hard. What about in the new Pics thread where in response to Camarillo's family photo Tracy said something along the lines of having to clean drool off the computer screen and having to wash her underwear?
> 
> Yeah, that was awkward.


Lyris,

I refuse to even go down on that level.

Both you and I have seen much, much worse...

* _wink - wink_* Know what I mean?


----------



## Regret214

DvlsAdvc8 said:


> I for one, enjoy tracy's banter. There's an ignore feature for those who don't.


LOL, what banter? There's no banter. Everyone is just friends!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tracyishere

Regret214 said:


> I'm not in it to get you at all. It's just eerie how I can look back at my situation, then read yours and proceed to shake my head. Oh, and in the past I've pointed at my ring and said I'm married, too. Words can be hollow at times.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Ouch! I can see that you have a solid interpretation of who I am based on what information you have. 

No point in making any arguments here. I will leave it be.


----------



## Caribbean Man

Regret214 said:


> I'm not in it to get you at all. It's just eerie how I can look back at my situation, then read yours and proceed to shake my head. Oh, and in the past I've pointed at my ring and said I'm married, too. Words can be hollow at times.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Lol,
And exactly what is the parallel between your situation and hers?
And what , pray tell , makes her situation exactly like yours, in terms of possible outcomes?


----------



## Jellybeans

Caribbean Man said:


> And right there.
> You just flirted with Thunder.


Not a flirt. Thunder has over and over again dealt with and shared stories of* exactly* what the OP is stating is happening to her. Getting flirted w/ by aggressive folks who don't step off when he says "No more." The difference is, as he pointed out, he walks away. 

But please do keep reaching and deflecting.

Seriously. This thread.


----------



## Unique Username

I've "flirted" with CM. 

I love him.

I also respect his marriage and his wife. And he knows that I would never step over any boundaries that would hurt either of them...or our friendship. Nor would he.


----------



## Caribbean Man

Well said French Fry!


----------



## tracyishere

Jellybeans said:


> Not a flirt. Thunder has over and over again dealt with and shared stories of* exactly* what the OP is stating is happening to her. Getting flirted w/ by aggressive folks who don't step off when he says "No more." The difference is, as he pointed out, he walks away.
> 
> But please do keep reaching and deflecting.
> 
> Seriously. This thread.


But I read it as a flirt...


----------



## Jellybeans

Caribbean Man said:


> Lyris,
> 
> I refuse to even go down on that level.


Right. So panties and drooling are totally the opposite of flirting.

Got it.


----------



## Unique Username

what is STI?


----------



## Jellybeans

tracyishere said:


> But I read it as a flirt...


Of course you did.


----------



## Jellybeans

Unique Username said:


> what is STI?


Sexually Transmitted infection


----------



## Caribbean Man

Jellybeans said:


> Seriously. This thread ,is overextending into the region of the absurd.


Fixed it for you!


----------



## tracyishere

FrenchFry said:


> I kinda do too.
> 
> 
> 
> It's not. But this guy (and others like him) will take advantage of openings that women with a more mean/crazy/assertive stance don't experience.
> 
> 
> 
> You have the right to ignore asses who don't respect your marriage.
> 
> 
> 
> You have the right to be rude to a person who doesn't respet your marriage.
> 
> 
> 
> You have the right to scare away a person who doesn't respect your marriage and the rest of the town can eat it.
> 
> 
> 
> You have the right to offend someone who *offends you first* by offending your marriage.
> 
> See what I mean? It's not that you can't be nice, friendly and flirty but you have the right to shut a person down, walk way and get real assertive if you are uncomfortable with the way a conversation is going or a vibe a person is putting out that disrespects your marriage.


Thank you. I have already decided to use the comedic approach first. If all else fails I'll just ask one of my friends if I could be his second wife for the night. I hope that he doesn't think that means he gets to sleep with me


----------



## Jellybeans

Caribbean Man said:


> Fixed it for you!
> 
> This thread is overextending into the region of the absurd.


Well, I agree with you there. 

Watch it get shut down.

Still seems like a sh!t stirring thread to me though.


----------



## Davelli0331

*reaches for bugout bag*


----------



## Caribbean Man

Unique Username said:


> I've "flirted" with CM.
> 
> I love him.
> 
> I also respect his marriage and his wife. And he knows that I would never step over any boundaries that would hurt either of them...or our friendship. Nor would he.


Love all of y'all too, UU!

Respect me, respect my marriage then we are good to go.

Cross any of my marital boundaries then that means war.

Simple as that.


----------



## Unique Username

NO comedic approach won't work. It can be seen as more flirting.

You know you are flirting. Get real with yourself darlin.

If you actually see this interaction with this man as a problem - I think you know what to do to shut him down.

Many illustrations have been given. If you get the creeps from ANY dude...stern look, firmly say I am married and not interested and tell the dude to back off. All with a snarky smile on your face.

That doesn't work - then you are more blunt and to he point.

That doesn't work - get the assistance of a male friend. 
Or heck you said you were sitting with a bunch of female friends. A gang of women can easily make any man feel like he has no wenis.


----------



## thunderstruck

Caribbean Man said:


> And right there.
> You just flirted with Thunder.


Oh, hellz yeah. Between the X Factor chick pic and this, I love this freakin thread...:woohoo:
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Kidding...Jellybeans knows I'm completely FOS, so she'd never flirt with me.


----------



## Lyris

Caribbean Man said:


> Lyris,
> 
> I refuse to even go down on that level.
> 
> Both you and I have seen much, much worse...
> 
> * _wink - wink_* Know what I mean?


I actually don't. I'd say that was absolutely right down to the level of unacceptably graphic and revolting. I may have seen slightly worse, but certainly not 'much much worse'. Except of course for married posters sending d*ck pics by PM.


----------



## Caribbean Man

Jellybeans said:


> Well, I agree with you there.
> 
> Watch it get shut down.
> 
> Still seems like a sh!t stirring thread to me though.


Because people are attacking people instead of dealing with the various vantage points in this discussion.

I think that's what French Fry and Dejoo is trying to do.
Get some sanity and direction back into the thread.


----------



## thunderstruck

Caribbean Man said:


> But I'm naturally extroverted and women are attracted whether I flirt or not.
> So should I practice being more introverted or should I just know when and how to say STFU?


I am more of an extrovert now, and that gets me into trouble at times. I'd say to just know when to STFU, excuse yourself and walk off. A few were pretty direct with me. When s** enters the conversation in any form, I know it's time for me to remove myself.


----------



## tracyishere

Alright Lyris. You win. I am very inappropriate at times.


----------



## Deejo

Unique Username said:


> lmao I don't know how well this one would work, because some men are just drawn to Bat Shyt Crazy.


Guilty as charged ...


----------



## tracyishere

And with that I am out.


----------



## Hope1964

Who is being attacked?? Tracey asked a question and people are answering it. Some more bluntly than others, but this IS TAM, after all.


----------



## Caribbean Man

Lyris said:


> I actually don't. I'd say that was absolutely right down to the level of unacceptably graphic and revolting. I may have seen slightly worse, but certainly not 'much much worse'. Except of course for married posters sending d*ck pics by PM.



So then it comes down to personal perception, because I've actually seen much, much worse.

And why would someone send PM's of their private parts to another poster if they didn't feel that poster would welcome such a gesture?
Were they just giving off a certain kind of " vibe?"
See?
Perception.

Same situation as the OP.


----------



## Deejo

Do I sense mean girls in this thread?










I friggin bust up every time I look at this.


----------



## thunderstruck

Jellybeans said:


> :rofl: It's true. Thunder is a chick magnet. (An aggressive chick magnet).


Mostly for kooky chicks, but yeah, damn straight.


----------



## Caribbean Man

Deejo said:


> Do I sense mean girls in this thread?


:iagree:
LOL,
I work exclusively with women, I know exactly what that looks like...


----------



## Jellybeans

thunderstruck said:


> Oh, hellz yeah. Between the X Factor chick pic and this, I love this freakin thread...:woohoo:


It's quite colorful, isn't it? 



thunderstruck said:


> Kidding...Jellybeans knows I'm completely FOS, so she'd never flirt with me.


What does FOS mean? 



Lyris said:


> I may have seen slightly worse, but certainly not 'much much worse'. Except of course for married posters sending d*ck pics by PM.


Wait. is that happening on TAM? :rofl: 




Deejo said:


> Do I sense mean girls in this thread?
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> I friggin bust up every time I look at this.


It is a funny gif.

And if we get to pick mean girls, I want Hope, FrenchFry and Unique on mah teaaaam. LOL. Smart ladies w/ awesome boundaries. Hahahaha.


----------



## Lyris

Deejo said:


> Do I sense mean girls in this thread?
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> I friggin bust up every time I look at this.


Yes. Because women have to be nice and sweet at all times. Which is what got Tracy into this crap in the first place.


----------



## Caribbean Man

Lyris said:


> Yes. Because women have to be nice and sweet at all times. Which is what got Tracy into this crap in the first place.



I doubt this very much...
Using that rationale, lots more women on TAM are supposed to be 
" in this crap."

There are lots of really * nice & sweet * women on TAM.


----------



## Jellybeans

Caribbean Man said:


> Because people are attacking people instead of dealing with the various vantage points in this discussion


No, CM. It just seems that there seems to be a pattern developing here...



tracyishere said:


> And with that I am out.





Caribbean Man said:


> So then it comes down to personal perception, because I've actually seen much, much worse.


Really? Cause claiming you need to clean up your panties (not YOUR panties, CM, hehe) after drooling from seeing another perons' picture on TAM is... a bit wow. That isn't just perception. It is what it is.


----------



## Unique Username

Now come on I hate it when people use the term mean girls.

I don't think ANYONE was being mean.

They have their perceptions and have every right to them.

If someone starts a thread to purposefully create drama or seek attention. Then they should expect the kind of drama they were looking for in the first place. Playing victim AFTER creating said thread - well that's just part of the drama. Some people THRIVE on drama.

Just because someone sees right through the baloney and attention seeking behavior does not make them mean. It makes them wise and realistic. 

And with that I am now outta here.

I gave valid techniques to thwart unwanted behavior.

So have many, many others. Use them or don't No skin off my nose.


----------



## Caribbean Man

Jellybeans said:


> Really? Cause claiming you need to clean up your panties (not YOUR panties, CM, hehe) after drooling from seeing another perons' picture on TAM is... a bit wow. That isn't just perception. It is what it is.



Well I've seen other MARRIED women saying pretty much the same thing when half naked pics of movie stars and other men are posted.

What's the difference?


----------



## thunderstruck

Jellybeans said:


> What does FOS mean?


Full Of Shyte.


----------



## Unique Username

BTW I LOVE Jennifer Lawrence. She is sweet and smart and very wise for her young age. She is on Barbara Walters tonight.


----------



## Unique Username

And nobody better PM me pictures of their junk.

why don't we have an emotion for vomiting?


----------



## Unique Username

What is OS?


I'm learning way too many acronyms today lol


----------



## Lyris

Caribbean Man said:


> I doubt this very much...
> Using that rationale, lots more women on TAM are supposed to be
> " in this crap."
> 
> There are lots of really * nice & sweet * women on TAM.


She specifically said she didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings, she didn't want people to think she was a *****. This is the absolute definition of a Nice Girl in my opinion. She cares more about being thought nice than protecting and enforcing her own boundaries. 

I don't give a flying f*ck if people think I'm not nice, or _mean_ So if someone flirts with me I shut it down and walk away. Apparently Tracy can't do that.


----------



## Caribbean Man

Unique Username said:


> .
> 
> why don't we have an emotion for vomiting?


Simply Amorous has the copyright to that and a few other interesting emoticons.


----------



## DvlsAdvc8

Lyris said:


> Except of course for married posters sending d*ck pics by PM.


This happens!!? Why was I not invited to that party!?

Oh. Wait.


----------



## Caribbean Man

Lyris said:


> She specifically said she didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings, she didn't want people to think she was a *****. This is the absolute definition of a Nice Girl in my opinion. She cares more about being thought nice than protecting and enforcing her own boundaries.
> 
> I don't give a flying f*ck if people think I'm not nice, or (i)mean(/i). So if someone flirts with me I shut it down and walk away. Apparently Tracy can't do that.


You and Tracy are different persons and different personalities types.
Expecting her to respond exactly as you would in her situation , isn't fair.


----------



## Hope1964




----------



## thunderstruck

Unique Username said:


> And nobody better PM me pictures of their junk.


Shyte, is there a way to quickly retract a PM after it's sent?:scratchhead:


----------



## Jellybeans

Unique Username said:


> Now come on I hate it when people use the term mean girls.
> 
> I don't think ANYONE was being mean.
> 
> They have their perceptions and have every right to them.
> 
> If someone starts a thread to purposefully create drama or seek attention. Then they should expect the kind of drama they were looking for in the first place. Playing victim AFTER creating said thread - well that's just part of the drama. Some people THRIVE on drama.
> 
> Just because someone sees right through the baloney and attention seeking behavior does not make them mean. It makes them wise and realistic.


That's a beautiful post, Unique, and spot on about _baloney and attention-seeking behavior_ but well, I still want to be a mean girl. 

Ain't no shame in my game. Lol.




thunderstruck said:


> Full Of Shyte.


I see. Thanks.



Lyris said:


> I don't give a flying f*ck if people think I'm not nice, or _mean_


You should come to my Mean Girls party.


----------



## DvlsAdvc8

Jellybeans said:


> Cause claiming you need to clean up your panties (not YOUR panties, CM, hehe) after drooling from seeing another perons' picture on TAM is... a bit wow. That isn't just perception. It is what it is.


All I see in that is funny complimentary hyperbole. So yeah, it really is just perception. I'd have laughed and not thought twice about it.


----------



## Unique Username

I don't think wet panties are a laughing matter.




I have a coupon for a free pair of depends, if anyone needs them.


----------



## Hope1964

Jellybeans said:


> That's a beautiful post, Unique, and spot on about _baloney and attention-seeking behavior_


It really is, isn't it?


----------



## DvlsAdvc8

thunderstruck said:


> Shyte, is there a way to quickly retract a PM after it's sent?:scratchhead:


THUNDER!? WHY DID YOU SEND THAT TO ME!!?? :rofl:


----------



## DvlsAdvc8

Some people just aren't comfortable with sexually explicit statements. They don't see that its the same as saying "omg! You're hot!"

They're just offended by it being more explicit. Seems a little over sensitive to me, but to each his own. Why not just use the ignore feature if its bothersome?


----------



## Jellybeans

Unique Username said:


> I don't think wet panties are a laughing matter.
> 
> I have a coupon for a free pair of depends, if anyone needs them.


:rofl::rofl::rofl:



Hope1964 said:


> It really is, isn't it?


Do you see what we seeeee??? Lol



DvlsAdvc8 said:


> THUNDER!? WHY DID YOU SEND THAT TO ME!!?? :rofl:


:rofl: Comedians. All of you.


----------



## Deejo

Lyris said:


> I don't give a flying f*ck if people think I'm not nice, or _mean_ So if someone flirts with me I shut it down and walk away. Apparently Tracy can't do that.


I'm a little turned on right now ...


----------



## Unique Username

I freely admit that I am oversensitive sometimes.

I resemble that remark.


----------



## Deejo

Damn brilliant and well said, FF.



FrenchFry said:


> Quoting myself here:
> 
> 
> 
> I don't think I'm wrong that some of the pushback you are getting Tracy is people getting assertive with you because they feel you are disrespecting marriage. Not your marriage, if your husband is cool with how you post, you aren't disrespecting your marriage. But some people will take people who are flirtatious towards everyone as disrespectful towards their marriage. (straight) Women are going to be more harsh towards women, (straight) men towards men because the same sex isn't going to get the buzzes that OS people do.


----------



## DvlsAdvc8

Deejo said:


> I'm a little turned on right now ...


Whatever you do, don't say you have a woody... that's offensive.


----------



## Ikaika

Deejo said:


> I'm a little turned on right now ...


Ooookay

crazy girl kicks me in the nuts - YouTube


----------



## Unique Username

DvlsAdvc8 said:


> Some people just aren't comfortable with sexually explicit statements. They don't see that its the same as saying "omg! You're hot!"
> 
> They're just offended by it being more explicit. Seems a little over sensitive to me, but to each his own. Why not just use the ignore feature if its bothersome?


But, the "OMG! You're Hot!"

is sooo much hotter than explicit statements.

It's like leaving something to the imagination is much more sexy than laying it all out there for everyone to see everything.

Perhaps it's just us "old" people who think this.

Might learn a few things from we oldtimers.


----------



## thunderstruck

DvlsAdvc8 said:


> THUNDER!? WHY DID YOU SEND THAT TO ME!!??


The women here keep blocking me, so I figured I give you a shot. No pun intended.:rofl:


----------



## Unique Username

DvlsAdvc8 said:


> Whatever you do, don't say you have a woody... that's offensive.


Woody is not offensive


----------



## Davelli0331

I honestly don't think that the explicit nature of any of the remarks offend anyone. I mean yeah it's TMI but nothing none of us ain't ever seen before.

Rather, I think it's the provocative nature of some of the comments in that some people might perceive that they are specifically designed to court a specific kind of attention that may or may not be appropriate for a forum related to creating healthy marriages.

I'm not saying that I do or don't perceive them that way, but I've definitely raised an eyebrow or two around here.

And yes, obviously perceptions can be different.


----------



## Jellybeans

Unique Username said:


> But, the "OMG! You're Hot!"
> 
> is sooo much hotter than explicit statements.
> 
> It's like leaving something to the imagination is much more sexy than laying it all out there for everyone to see everything.
> 
> Perhaps it's just us "old" people who think this.
> 
> Might learn a few things from we oldtimers.


Well I'm a little bit younger and I agree. There is tactful and there is tasteless. And tact always trumps tasteless.


----------



## DvlsAdvc8

Unique Username said:


> But, the "OMG! You're Hot!"
> 
> is sooo much hotter than explicit statements.
> 
> It's like leaving something to the imagination is much more sexy than laying it all out there for everyone to see everything.
> 
> Perhaps it's just us "old" people who think this.
> 
> Might learn a few things from we oldtimers.


I dunno... all I saw was "panties".

It was "blah blah blah... my panties... blah blah". Once panties are flashed all bets are off. Imagination!? C'mon! I'll bet my imagination was doing a lot more work than yours!!! :rofl:


----------



## DvlsAdvc8

Davelli0331 said:


> I honestly don't think that the explicit nature of any of the remarks offend anyone. I mean yeah it's TMI but nothing none of us ain't ever seen before.
> 
> Rather, I think it's the provocative nature of some of the comments in that some people might perceive that they are specifically designed to court a specific kind of attention that may or may not be appropriate for a forum related to creating healthy marriages.


Makes sense, but it should be noted that not everyone considers this any sort of special titillating speech. I speak much the same way among friends in real life.

The lesson here is that the forum isn't necessarily speaking "among friends", and that's a little sad for those of us who've been here awhile.



Jellybeans said:


> Well I'm a little bit younger and I agree. There is tactful and there is tasteless. And tact always trumps tasteless.


And where does explicit humor land? I think this is taken way too seriously honestly.


----------



## Deejo

drerio said:


> Ooookay
> 
> crazy girl kicks me in the nuts - YouTube


People walking by my cube think I have my head down crying. Cripes that is funny.

The kid whimpering before dropping like a sack of flour put me over the edge. 

I can't stop laughing. Thanks for that.


----------



## Deejo

Oh ... and this thread has officially derailed, and I contributed to it. Going to have to decide how to handle that.


----------



## thunderstruck

Unique Username said:


> Woody is not offensive


.
.
.
I don't know. I read an interview with Mrs. Potato Head recently. She said he's a freak on the set.


----------



## Davelli0331

Deejo said:


> Oh ... and this thread has officially derailed, and I contributed to it. Going to have to decide how to handle that.


Report it to a mod


----------



## Jellybeans

Hahahaha!


----------



## Unique Username

The derailing 

de escalated the situation.

I think you should ask Ron Burgandy what he would do?


----------



## Hope1964




----------



## Caribbean Man

DvlsAdvc8 said:


> Some people just aren't comfortable with sexually explicit statements. They don't see that its the same as saying "omg! You're hot!"
> 
> They're just offended by it being more explicit. Seems a little over sensitive to me, but to each his own. Why not just use the ignore feature if its bothersome?


:iagree:
Should be as simple as that or report it to a moderator.

Funny how that " unsavoury banter" took place between two posters , but only one is being flamed.

So now we heap the stones.

Funny how some months ago, a couple of people were making the same " offensive to marriages" comment about another thread where people were just bantering and flirting with one another, and my stand was , the same as it is now.
If the person saw it as offensive, report it to the moderator. If the mods let it fly then its legit and none of your business, leave it alone
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Almost everyone on that thread, " liked " my post and now a few of them are on this thread .,
Making the same complaint , now that _someone else_ is doing it.
LMAO, 
But seriously,
People who live in glass houses , 
Should not throw stones.


----------



## Lyris

Not me. So I can throw all the stones I want.


----------



## Caribbean Man

All I'm just sayin is that if some people could show off their assets, and welcome and exchange comments from the opposite sex don't GAF what anyone else says, then why can't Tracy?

Seems kinda controlling to me.
In fact I can see right through this charade.
It's nothing but a scurrilous attack , and not for the first time..

Lightning doesn't strike the same spot twice with such accuracy.

There are deeper issues being played out right beneath the surface here.

This is a public forum with rules that apply to everyone. Not just a few.
Just sayin'


----------



## Hope1964

Caribbean Man said:


> All I'm just sayin is that if some people could show off their assets, and welcome and exchange comments from the opposite sex don't GAF what anyone else says, then why can't Tracy?
> 
> Seems kinda controlling to me.
> In fact I can see right through this charade.
> It's nothing but a scurrilous attack , and not for the first time..
> 
> Lightning doesn't strike the same spot twice with such accuracy.
> 
> There are deeper issues being played out right beneath the surface here.
> 
> This is a public forum with rules that apply to everyone. Not just a few.
> Just sayin'


Do I need to get my tinfoil hat out?


----------



## tracyishere

Whoa! Why is there so much woody in this thread?!! I thought that would've been flagged as flirty and inappropriate conversation.

And it all happened without me. Weird.


----------



## Caribbean Man

Hope1964 said:


> Do I need to get my tinfoil hat out?


Only if it fits.

I don't need one, I've been here long enough.


----------



## sandc

Caribbean Man said:


> All I'm just sayin is that if some people could show off their assets, and welcome and exchange comments from the opposite sex don't GAF what anyone else says, then why can't Tracy?
> 
> Seems kinda controlling to me.
> In fact I can see right through this charade.
> It's nothing but a scurrilous attack , and not for the first time..
> 
> Lightning doesn't strike the same spot twice with such accuracy.
> 
> There are deeper issues being played out right beneath the surface here.
> 
> This is a public forum with rules that apply to everyone. Not just a few.
> Just sayin'


You Trini's live in paradise and are used to running around in provocatively cool and comfy clothing. You can't be showing off assets up here man!


----------



## Caribbean Man

sandc said:


> You Trini's live in paradise and are used to running around in provocatively cool and comfy clothing. You can't be showing off assets up here man!


,

Tru dat,
My brother!
.
.
.
Tru dat.


----------



## Lyris

Texas man survives double lightning strike | Fox News


----------



## Jellybeans

Hope1964 said:


>


This is amazing!


----------



## tracyishere

Nine Ways to Scare a Woman Away 

Nine Ways to Scare a Woman Away http://www.eharmony.com/dating-advice/dating/nine-ways-to-scare-a-woman-away/


----------



## tracyishere

Nine Ways to Scare a Guy Away 

Nine Ways to Scare a Guy Away http://www.eharmony.com/dating-advice/dating-tips-women/nine-ways-to-scare-a-guy-away/


----------



## tracyishere

So if I ever get hit on again. I am going to use the daddy approach. I am going to get super excited that he is talking to me and start talking about our future together and how wonderful of a dad he'll be to my children. I'll tell him he can babysit while I go to my Yoga class and not to worry if my son punches him because he just doesn't know any better. 

sound good?


----------



## ScarletBegonias

Do whatever works and leaves you feeling good about yourself.That's what matters in the end after all.


----------



## tracyishere

Yes, I think that approach will leave me feeling very good. Because I can laugh my ass off about it for decades to come.


----------



## Mark72

tracyishere said:


> And with that I am out.


----------



## tracyishere

Obviously I lied and came back.


----------



## ScubaSteve61

You could always just mumble "and they STILL haven't found the bodies..."


----------



## ScarletBegonias

ScubaSteve61 said:


> You could always just mumble "and they STILL haven't found the bodies..."


or "I think I can fit one more in the trunk if I put it in piece by piece..."


----------



## tracyishere

Or "I wonder what my 2 husbands will say...."


----------



## Mark72

tracyishere said:


> Or "I wonder what my 2 husbands will say...."


"... and if you want a shot with me you have to make it with them first..."


----------



## tracyishere

"do you like kids? Because I have 12 of them."


----------



## Mark72

tracyishere said:


> "do you like kids? Because I have 12 of them."


Some guys just see that as evidence that you have sex...


----------



## tracyishere

good point....


----------



## ScarletBegonias

"the 12th one literally fell out of my vagina into the toilet when I was pooing.It was wild! soo...what's your number baby?"


----------



## larry.gray

ScubaSteve61 said:


> You could always just mumble "and they STILL haven't found the bodies..."


I've muttered "It may have been only a technicality that I got off, but I was acquitted."


----------



## tracyishere

> "the 12th one literally fell out of my vagina into the toilet when I was pooing.It was wild! soo...what's your number baby?"


:lol: :rofl:


----------



## larry.gray

Mark72 said:


> Some guys just see that as evidence that you have sex...


Patch Adams: "Let's go down to maternity and hit on some women. We all know they put out."


----------



## tracyishere

So "I never want kids" would work better?


----------



## sandc

"The sores have almost healed!"


----------



## tracyishere

sandc said:


> "The sores have almost healed!"


GROSS!:rofl:


----------



## sandc

tracyishere said:


> GROSS!:rofl:


"But if you're in a hurry I can rip the scabs off!"

That's too gross. Pretend I never said that.


----------



## ScubaSteve61

"Hmm... Well, maybe the 9th times a charm... My last 8 husbands all died. Well except for number 6, he disappeared mysteriously when we were on the honeymoon cruise."


----------



## Ikaika

ScarletBegonias said:


> or "I think I can fit one more in the trunk if I put it in piece by piece..."


Sorry thread jack. In graduate school when I was the head teaching assistant in the gross anatomy lab, medical students would always query about the large bio bag at the end of table why so many bio bags were stored under the table. "It's for all the parts you will eventually remove". My favorite was the gallbladder. Always able to collect pretty stones and used to have quite a collection. I even made a Christmas decoration one year from some of the prettier ones. My wife would not allow me to hang it on our tree. 

End jack.


----------



## Caribbean Man

sandc said:


> "The sores have almost healed!"


I remember reading one in a MAD magazine some years ago.
I almost dies laughing.
The situation is in a bar or club , an undesirable man comes up to hit on a not interested, good looking woman.He offers her a drink.
Her response:

" _Sorry sweetie, can't drink while I'm on my antibiotics_."

So he says, 

" _OMG, I'm so sorry , did you have to undergo an operation?_"

She replies , with a fake smile;

" _No stupid! They're for my recurrent , yeast infection.._"


----------



## thunderstruck

Try this:

"Are you trying to have s** with me? I'll have to pass. I did that with a stranger recently, and now it hurts when I pee."


----------



## TiggyBlue

'I know I'm pre-op right now but next month I'll have a vagina'.


----------



## sandc

Caribbean Man said:


> I remember reading one in a MAD magazine some years ago.
> I almost dies laughing.
> The situation is in a bar or club , an undesirable man comes up to hit on a not interested, good looking woman.He offers her a drink.
> Her response:
> 
> " _Sorry sweetie, can't drink while I'm on my antibiotics_."
> 
> So he says,
> 
> " _OMG, I'm so sorry , did you have to undergo an operation?_"
> 
> She replies , with a fake smile;
> 
> " _No stupid! They're for my recurrent , yeast infection.._"


Reminds me of the old joke about Sandpaper Sally.


----------



## Mark72

sandc said:


> Reminds me of the old joke about Sandpaper Sally.


I havent heard it but I think I can probably tell it! LOL


----------



## Mark72

My PM's must not be working right....


----------



## sandc

Mark72 said:


> I havent heard it but I think I can probably tell it! LOL


Ewww... ick! I hope not!


----------



## ScubaSteve61

Mark72 said:


> My PM's must not be working right....


You better not be sending those D pics again!


----------



## Mark72

ScubaSteve61 said:


> You better not be sending those D pics again!


Quit sending yours to me then, Stevo...


----------



## ScubaSteve61

Mark72 said:


> Quit sending yours to me then, Stevo...


You sent one to me first!


----------



## Mark72

ScubaSteve61 said:


> You sent one to me first!


Hey now... that picture of my junk was a photo of a boat I bought in China... you, on the other hand, showed me your dinghy


----------



## ScubaSteve61

Mark72 said:


> Hey now... that picture of my junk was a photo of a boat I bought in China... you, on the other hand, showed me your dinghy


LOL! You win!

My brain is too fried today to continue the pun battle, so I hereby concede! :lol:


----------



## Mark72

ScubaSteve61 said:


> LOL! You win!
> 
> My brain is too fried today to continue the pun battle, so I hereby concede! :lol:


Fried brain? So this is the latest photo of Scuba Steve?


----------



## ScubaSteve61

Nah, fried from running brutally boring equipment testing all day, not fried from doing brutal bong testing all day.


----------



## Mark72

We have totally hijacked Tracy's thread...


----------



## tracyishere

Well I could always say you two are my best friends. That'll make them all run.


----------



## Mark72

tracyishere said:


> Well I could always say you two are my best friends. That'll make them all run.


That could get you arrested in many states here...


----------



## Unique Username




----------



## rush

I need to start one no wife around......


----------



## Thunder7

tracyishere said:


> Well I could always say you two are my best friends. That'll make them all run.


 Couldn't find a jealous face.


----------



## Ikaika

rush said:


> I need to start one no wife around......


That would be easy for me. Chirp chirp chirp... no bites


----------



## tracyishere

Thunder7 said:


> Couldn't find a jealous face.


I do need a girlfriend to buy shoes with?


----------



## tracyishere

drerio said:


> That would be easy for me. Chirp chirp chirp... no bites


Is that your chick magnet?


----------



## Thunder7

tracyishere said:


> I do need a girlfriend to buy shoes with?


Is that a foot reference?


----------



## sandc

I was sitting at a table with some of my geeky friends in a bar once, and can you believe not one woman hit on us? You would think women would be attracted to stable men who can discuss eBGP routing AS WELL AS Battlestar Galactica.


----------



## Ikaika

tracyishere said:


> Is that your chick repellent?


fify


----------



## tracyishere

sandc said:


> I was sitting at a table with some of my geeky friends in a bar once, and can you believe not one woman hit on us? You would think women would be attracted to stable men who can discuss eBGP routing AS WELL AS Battlestar Galactica.


Maybe they saw your ring?


----------



## sandc

Mark72 said:


> Hey now... that picture of my junk was a photo of a boat I bought in China... you, on the other hand, showed me your dinghy





ScubaSteve61 said:


> LOL! You win!
> 
> My brain is too fried today to continue the pun battle, so I hereby concede! :lol:





tracyishere said:


> Maybe they saw your ring?


The one around my collar or...?


----------



## tracyishere

sandc said:


> The one around my collar or...?


I didn't know they made them that small 

Haha...changed it.


----------



## ScubaSteve61

sandc said:


> I was sitting at a table with some of my geeky friends in a bar once, and can you believe not one woman hit on us? You would think women would be attracted to stable men who can discuss eBGP routing AS WELL AS Battlestar Galactica.


----------



## tracyishere

I know one thing that works is throwing up on the guy.....not that I ever did that

Seriously I did not do that.


----------



## tracyishere

This will scare all the weirdo women away. You are welcome boys.


----------



## over20

tracyishere said:


> Why is it that if I am out without my husband and I get approached by a man who becomes overly flirtatious so I tell him I'm am married, he still continues to flirt and/or says so what?


Because he want's to get laid...if your married or not...you don't know this about men yet? Or does your ego embrace it?


----------



## tracyishere

over20 said:


> Because he want's to get laid...if your married or not...you don't know this about men yet? Or does your ego embrace it?


You know, there was some interesting stories shared regarding this topic. Too bad you don't have the ability to see that.


----------



## over20

tracyishere said:


> You know, there was some interesting stories shared regarding this topic. Too bad you don't have the ability to see that.


Please don't talk down to me. Isn't this a marriage advice forum? YOU were the one asking for advice as a woman out without her husband around, "No husband around? Fair game.":scratchhead:


----------



## tracyishere

And what was your advice exactly?

That I should've known this guy wanted in my pants and that I have a big ego?


----------



## tracyishere

Or that married women should not go out without their husbands?


----------



## over20

Let's start over. I never wanted to offend you and I am very sorry if I did. I only looked at the original thread question. Yes, I do believe that a lot of men will pursue married women, even when the woman states that she is happily married and her husband isn't around.

As a married woman, I don't think we should go out at bars and such alone. That being said men can try to pick us up at grocery stores and libraries for pete's sake...It can lead to trouble from some bad men. That's why we are married to go out together, to avoid any kind of temptation.


----------



## tracyishere

over20 said:


> Let's start over. I never wanted to offend you and I am very sorry if I did. I only looked at the original thread question. Yes, I do believe that a lot of men will pursue married women, even when the woman states that she is happily married and her husband isn't around.
> 
> As a married woman, I don't think we should go out at bars and such alone. That being said men can try to pick us up at grocery stores and libraries for pete's sake...It can lead to trouble from some bad men. That's why we are married to go out together, to avoid any kind of temptation.


I agree that a benefit in having a SO is spending time together doing such things. However, my husband has a phobia and does not go out. So does this mean I never be allowed to go out either? 

No. It means I need to develop some strategies to stay safe and learn to set boundaries in a way that I am comfortable with. So that is why I developed this thread. 

And thank you for starting over. You rock :smthumbup:


----------



## daysgoneby

From Hollywood Squares


Peter Marshall

According to Cosmo, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think he's really attractive, is it okay to come out directly and ask him if he's married?

Rose Marie

No, wait until morning.


----------



## CaptainLOTO

Back to the Original question -Why do men continue to flirt (pursue), even after you've told them you're married?

Because he still wants to get something from the interaction. Maybe he wants sex, maybe he is just having fun conversing. The problem is you won't know what he's really thinking. I can say that a large population of men would not see a woman simply pointing out that she is married as an indication that she no longer wants him to make conversation or flirt.

Many men in bars think that the probability of sleeping with a married woman is about the same as sleeping with a single woman.

So, my suggestion is to be more direct if you don't want his attention. Say, 'I'd like you to leave me alone now" and if he persists, notify the establishments management.

Anything less direct than this and you're unintentionally egging some men on. BTW, ANY physical contact (even a handshake that lingers a moment, or him touching your arm without you being offended) can be seen as a "go-sign" that you want him to continue to escalate.

I think many intelligent, worldly women fail to realize that many men see anything short of a direct request to be left alone as a desire to have the man continue his pursuit. Unfortunately, if you don't want to be pursued, you have to be very blunt in telling them to go away and you need to have your boundaries set very conservatively to avoid any misunderstandings.


----------



## tracyishere

So is this lack of respect for marriage something new? Or has it been around for centuries?


----------



## samyeagar

tracyishere said:


> So is this lack of respect for marriage something new? Or has it been around for centuries?


Marriage as we know it today is a relatively new construct. It is only relatively recently that marriage has been primarily or exclusively for love. In the past it was largely for economic, social, and convenience.

As the marital construct has changed over the years, so have the rules of acceptible conduct and respect.

The thing is, it serves no purpose TODAY to dwell on what was acceptible in the PAST, and use that to justify, rationalize current behavior. What ultimately matters is what the individuals find acceptable in their own situation.


----------



## Ikaika

tracyishere said:


> So is this lack of respect for marriage something new? Or has it been around for centuries?


I don't know about centuries, but I think the lack of respect for marriage goes back as far as the delusion thoughts of some men and women assuming they are "all that". And thus, feel exceptional enough to be entitled to sex with any individual regardless of theirs or anyone else status.


----------



## tracyishere

drerio said:


> I don't know about centuries, but I think the lack of respect for marriage goes back as far as the delusion thoughts of some men and women assuming they are "all that". And thus, feel exceptional enough to be entitled to sex with any individual regardless of theirs or anyone else status.


So it is not necessarily a lack of respect for marriage but rather a narcissistic personality or sense of entitlement?


----------



## samyeagar

tracyishere said:


> So it is not necessarily a lack of respect for marriage but rather a narcissistic personality or sense of entitlement?


Partly, but I also think that society has just changed, or simply has evolved to allow easier access, and there is simply more opportunity available. Add into that the GNO stories and things like that, there is a perception out there that married women are just as easy as single women to get in the sack. So as a guy who is looking to score, why eliminate the married women from the available pool when the boundaries between married and single behavior has become so blurred?


----------



## tracyishere

I think because marriage is not a necessity anymore to get by, many people see it as something tangible. 

There really is no harsh consequence to infidelity anymore either.


----------



## sandc

samyeagar said:


> Marriage as we know it today is a relatively new construct. It is only relatively recently that marriage has been primarily or exclusively for love. In the past it was largely for economic, social, and convenience.
> 
> As the marital construct has changed over the years, so have the rules of acceptible conduct and respect.
> 
> The thing is, it serves no purpose TODAY to dwell on what was acceptible in the PAST, and use that to justify, rationalize current behavior. What ultimately matters is what the individuals find acceptable in their own situation.


Ever since they outlawed dueling, it's been all downhill. Men didn't trifle with another man's wife casually. He had to be sure he was better with a sword or a better shot than the woman's husband.


----------



## DvlsAdvc8

sandc said:


> Ever since they outlawed dueling, it's been all downhill. Men didn't trifle with another man's wife casually. He had to be sure he was better with a sword or a better shot than the woman's husband.


Good for the swordsman and crack shot.


----------



## tracyishere

DvlsAdvc8 said:


> Good for the swordsman and crack shot.


Not just that. Unfaithful spouses used to automatically have a disadvantage with custody battles and property settlements. Not anymore.


----------



## DvlsAdvc8

tracyishere said:


> I think because marriage is not a necessity anymore to get by, many people see it as something tangible.
> 
> There really is no harsh consequence to infidelity anymore either.


I think its just that people aren't monogamous. Marriage doesn't change human nature.


----------



## tracyishere

DvlsAdvc8 said:


> I think its just that people aren't monogamous. Marriage doesn't change human nature.


Why would we try so hard to be something we are not though?


----------



## DvlsAdvc8

tracyishere said:


> Not just that. Unfaithful spouses used to automatically have a disadvantage with custody battles and property settlements. Not anymore.


I don't really see why it should grant any special right. If you want certain things to apply, sign a pre-nup explicitly stating those advantages. As far as "not anymore", I still got shafted in my divorce (albeit not as bad as some), so I beg to differ.

I personally hate the idea that someone can abuse you 15 million ways in a marriage and face no consequences in divorce, but oh... if you cheat you get hell. That's crap.


----------



## tracyishere

That's what the lawyer told me. Whether it's the same where you are I am not certain.


----------



## Ikaika

tracyishere said:


> Why would we try so hard to be something we are not though?


Allowing our limbic primal nature to dictate and sure I would say we could not possibly succeed, so there would be no sense in trying at all. However, that walnut sized prefrontal cortex changed everything in our species, namely in the way of our cultural evolution. So, I don't know that it trying hard or not is completely the stories end. We are still a tribal species and as such have decided to accept certain norms (culture).

When one decides to defy the cultural norms or simply allow their limbic primal nature to dictate their actions beyond their prefrontal cortex reasoning we often see that they can quickly become ostracized by the tribes (often played out here on TAM or in the courts - divorce). However, society is quick to allow that individual to assimilate into another tribe. So it is not quite as dire as if we were still hunter gatherers and reliant upon the tribe for our survival. Thus our cultural evolution works at lightening speed as compared to our biological evolution.


----------



## tracyishere

Why wouldn't it work? Especially now, when women are more self sufficient then ever? 

Surely if it is ingrained in us to be multi-partnered people we should be able to make it work better than going against the grain.


----------



## Mark72

tracyishere said:


> So is this lack of respect for marriage something new? Or has it been around for centuries?


Read 2 Samuel 11.
It's been centuries....


----------



## DvlsAdvc8

tracyishere said:


> Why would we try so hard to be something we are not though?


Reason. 

The smooth functioning of society mostly - this is the basis for monogamy as a cultural norm I think. But we're still the unreasonable, impulsive animal underneath. Ultimately, any behavior that promotes jealousy and power struggle is going to be destructive and likely frowned upon by the society. So we're all... coerced... brainwashed into conformance. Just like every other cultural norm.

Another would probably be risk vs reward. As long as we think we have something pretty good, we're not likely to risk losing it in our pursuit of more... so we might pretend we're something we're not. Our minds also likely do some gymnastics to justify whatever we do, even our not doing so (ie I don't do it because I'm a good person)... but really, I think it comes down to risk. Those who do so think they can get away with it. Either in keeping what they have regardless, or not caring that they lose what they have. The reward exceeds the risk.

Jealousy is an interesting thing though. It's also partly culturally driven. In a way, we're taught by society what we should think is fair and what should drive our jealousy. So I'm betting that somewhere far back along the timeline, society needed monogamy to ensure better cooperation... so monogamous institutions/practices were devised. Monogamous norms became ingrained in culture and expectations, and passed on to subsequent generations.

So we've been taught to be monogamous because its more productive to cooperate and respect each other's mating needs than to fight for mates and hoard through power. The societies that didn't do so, likely fell to those that did. But I think we're all still the animal beneath it all, in varying degrees.


----------



## DvlsAdvc8

tracyishere said:


> Why wouldn't it work? Especially now, when women are more self sufficient then ever?
> 
> Surely if it is ingrained in us to be multi-partnered people we should be able to make it work better than going against the grain.


It can work fine. See polyamory. Its the far opposite of the possessiveness that is in marriage. Still, its mostly culture that keeps us from going there. But sure enough, even in polyamorous groups jealousy rears its head as a result of competition for high value mates. They have a feeling that its okay to love whoever all at once... but there's plenty of "hey, I'm not getting enough of your attention." That's a built in recipe for conflict.

In wider societal use, I imagine you'd see quite a spike in criminal acts driven by jealousy.


----------



## tracyishere

DvlsAdvc8 said:


> It can work fine. See polyandry. Its the far opposite of the possessiveness that is in marriage. Still, its mostly culture that keeps us from going there. But sure enough, even in polyamorous groups jealousy rears its head as a result of competition for high value mates. They have a feeling that its okay to love whoever all at once... but there's plenty of "hey, I'm not getting enough of your attention." That's a built in recipe for conflict.
> 
> In wider societal use, I imagine you'd see quite a spike in criminal acts driven by jealousy.


Aha! This is where I fall. I would be very jealous if I had to share someone. 

However if I were raised in an environment where such relationships were the norm maybe I'd have a different outlook. Maybe I'd embrace the benefits of having multiple partners and not have the jealousy component because I could just dump the guy and move on to the next.


----------



## DvlsAdvc8

tracyishere said:


> Aha! This is where I fall. I would be very jealous if I had to share someone.
> 
> However if I were raised in an environment where such relationships were the norm maybe I'd have a different outlook. Maybe I'd embrace the benefits of having multiple partners and not have the jealousy component because I could just dump the guy and move on the the next.


In polyamory, its not "move on to the next". Its all simultaneous. Imagine being in a relationship with Bill, who you live and raise your children with, but Bill sometimes stays the night with Sarah, his other love. You occasionally have John, your other love, come over. You all go to cookouts together as if you're one big family.

Its all kinds of mixed up and jealousy arises when one person is giving more love to someone than they feel they're getting back. There still appear to be "primaries". That said, it could just be a holdover from the larger monogamous cultural context. There's no way to tell. 

They don't really move on from one to another though. Its all at once... you are in a loving sexual relationship with many people at once, who are all also in loving sexual relationships with other people... so on and so forth.

Love everywhere. Its very hippy. haha


----------



## tracyishere

I think relationships would be more about convenience than love.


----------



## tracyishere

Why would I have I settle down with anyone? That is the point. 

If we are ingrained to be poly-whatever we should not limit ourselves. No?


----------



## DvlsAdvc8

tracyishere said:


> I think relationships would be more about convenience than love.


Just relating what I've read about them. They say they "love" multiple people, often for different reasons. And these hybrid lovey groups even have some joint activities.

ie... go for walk holding hands with your boyfriend Bill, and his girlfriend Sarah, and Sarah's boyfriend John, and John's boyfriend Al.


----------



## DvlsAdvc8

tracyishere said:


> Why would I have I settle down with anyone? That is the point.
> 
> If we are ingrained to be poly-whatever we should not limit ourselves. No?


I think they do so for the stability and reliability of a two parent household. Its helpful to have a partner immediately on deck to help. Its also cheaper to live with someone and share chores / work cooperatively.


----------



## tracyishere

I don't see that as much different than it is now TBH. The only difference being that you are now committed to 2 spouses instead of one. 

Infidelity would be the same issue in that circumstance as it is in today's. 

If you had no commitment there would be no infidelity.


----------



## DvlsAdvc8

Depends on how you define infidelity. They're having sex with multiple people. They're free to meet someone new and have sex with them too. From a commitment standpoint, its really only that "I get some of your time too".

I guess they judge commitment by the amount of time they spend with each other... or living arrangements and child rearing. But the commitment isn't to only you. Its not exclusive.


----------



## tracyishere

I guess I don't understand what the point is in making that kind of commitment then if you are free to be with whoever you want anyway. 

I'm sure there could be methods of child rearing that involve a community rather than a couple. This would free you from the normal family dynamic and allow you to have as little commitment as you like. 

If we wanted to have a society where polygamous relationships were norm. We could make it happen. The fact that we don't and that we place limits on ourselves emphasizes to me that people do have a strong desire to be monogamous. To have that special bond with one person and to make it last.


----------



## Mark72

I'm not down with Dvl's society...


----------



## sandc

I believe we were designed to be monogamous. One father, one mother, one family.


----------



## TiggyBlue

I think for the sake of children mental and emotional health, monogamy make's sense (or it makes sense how it came to be).


----------



## phillybeffandswiss

Thanks guys, I had a rough day at work and I needed a good laugh.
The joked and innuendos were great, but the arguing made it utterly fun.
I've never read a thread where people agree, so much so that they argue semantics just to disagree.


----------



## sandc

TiggyBlue said:


> I think for the sake of children mental and emotional health, monogamy make's sense (or it makes sense how it came to be).


Can you imagine it? Okay when we're at daddy #1's house, these are the rules, at daddy #2's house, these are the different set of rules. Now when you're with mommy #1 remember to.... and when you're with mommy #2 remember that...

Then again, that's not much different than it is for kids of divorced/remarried parents.

But still I believe it's better for them to have one mom and dad if at all possible. I believe this was the original plan.


----------



## tracyishere

So children are the reason we set limits? Interesting.


----------



## tracyishere

phillybeffandswiss said:


> Thanks guys, I had a rough day at work and I needed a good laugh.
> The joked and innuendos were great, but the arguing made it utterly fun.
> I've never read a thread where people agree, so much so that they argue semantics just to disagree.


Really? You haven't?


----------



## DvlsAdvc8

The products of a culture aren't likely to oppose it (if enough did this, there would be a different culture  ). Generally what happens next, is somebody cites the bible.

I don't believe we were designed to be monogamous.

If we were designed for monogamy, its not a very good design. Most people have multiple partners by choice during their lives, and a very large number cheat. In fact, no primate is entirely monogamous. Only some humans are. 

Even the shape of the penis is likely the result of the promiscuous behavior we're designed not to have. Its shape has a plunger affect that actually draws out any sperm that may already be present in that female resulting in a higher probability that you'll be the one to fertilize that female than the last guy, if she's not already pregnant. Strange design for a monogamous creature.

Tracy, its not the desire to be monogamous. It may be about what we've been taught to think is fair treatment. It seems more likely to me that external factors determined our acceptance of monogamy, than the notion that we just preferred to self-deny and have one sexual partner.

Almost no one is truly monogamous. We're barely even serial monogamists. Most have had multiple partners... but in non-repeating sequence. This is just a window dressing of titles and institutions on top of sexual polygamy. I'm in a relationship having sex with Woman A... oop... we broke up/divorced. Now I'm having sex with Woman B. Oop... another break up/divorce. etc etc.

Even this serial monogamy is mostly culturally dependent. According to historians, there were almost as many pre-industrial cultures in which extramarital sex was universal as there were cultures where it was uncommon. While not a majority, a significant number of people in Western cultures like that of the US will have affairs. The best survey's put this number between 30 and 45%. I'm not sure you can say a society is monogamous when almost half of its members are not.

Where you stand on monogamy is highly dependent on your own culture as your frame of reference.


----------



## sandc

tracyishere said:


> So children are the reason we set limits? Interesting.


I would say "a" reason, not "the" reason.


----------



## Mark72

tracyishere said:


> I'm a wh0re? Really? So going around calling names and demeaning people is more acceptable than sexual sarcasm?


Not at all!!!! 
It's a joke that apparently did not go over the way I thought it would!!


----------



## DvlsAdvc8

sandc said:


> Can you imagine it? Okay when we're at daddy #1's house, these are the rules, at daddy #2's house, these are the different set of rules. Now when you're with mommy #1 remember to.... and when you're with mommy #2 remember that...
> 
> Then again, that's not much different than it is for kids of divorced/remarried parents.
> 
> But still I believe it's better for them to have one mom and dad if at all possible. I believe this was the original plan.


Assumptions of culture. Its not hard to imagine the village raising a child, and as such, you'd likely have much more homogenous/consistent rules than you're thinking.

Just because x is how we do it, doesn't mean there's not another way. In fact, we don't have to wonder. There is and has been... but western culture is more prevalent today.


----------



## tracyishere

DvlsAdvc8 said:


> Assumptions of culture. Its not hard to imagine the village raising a child, and as such, you'd likely have much more homogenous/consistent rules than you're thinking.
> 
> Just because x is how we do it, doesn't mean there's not another way. In fact, we don't have to wonder. There is and has been... but western culture is more prevalent today.


I think everyone likes to feel that they are special to someone. I cannot fathom an environment where you are essentially a nobody.


----------



## DvlsAdvc8

tracyishere said:


> I think everyone likes to feel that they are special to someone. I cannot fathom an environment where you are essentially a nobody.


Well that takes defining what it means to be "special" doesn't it?

Where do you suppose you learned what kind of treatment was "special"? 

This is culturally driven.


----------



## tracyishere

I guess the simplistic method would be is just to accept people are going to be unfaithful whether limits are set in place or not then.


----------



## DvlsAdvc8

Nah, some will be unfaithful, and some won't. If we knew, we wouldn't need trust. 

I'd bet it would vary from relationship/circumstance to relationship/circumstance just as much as it varied from individual to individual.


----------



## sandc

DvlsAdvc8 said:


> Assumptions of culture. Its not hard to imagine the village raising a child, and as such, you'd likely have much more homogenous/consistent rules than you're thinking.
> 
> Just because x is how we do it, doesn't mean there's not another way. In fact, we don't have to wonder. There is and has been... but western culture is more prevalent today.


And I'm a Christian westerner so...


----------



## Deejo

tracyishere said:


> I guess the simplistic method would be is just to accept people are going to be unfaithful whether limits are set in place or not then.


The simplistic method is that we eventually are all on Craig's List and get rated by the people we've bonked. Of course then you have the problem of staged reviewers just like on Amazon.

On the monogamous side, if you google 'monogamous animals' there is usually a list of about 11. Humans aren't on it. And further research indicates that even though some species tend towards monogamy, there is skepticism that these species are monogamous in all cases.

How the hell did we get here from going out without your husband and getting hit on?


----------



## tracyishere

Because we are trying to understand why married people are getting hit on in the first place. 

I have to say I'm becoming very discouraged about relationships. RL sucks and my fantasy love lala land is no more than a farce. Time to hide under the sheets and call it a night.


----------



## rush

geeez


----------



## treyvion

Deejo said:


> The simplistic method is that we eventually are all on Craig's List and get rated by the people we've bonked. Of course then you have the problem of staged reviewers just like on Amazon.
> 
> On the monogamous side, if you google 'monogamous animals' there is usually a list of about 11. Humans aren't on it. And further research indicates that even though some species tend towards monogamy, there is skepticism that these species are monogamous in all cases.
> 
> How the hell did we get here from going out without your husband and getting hit on?


In the caveman days, do you really think a caveman was allowing a woman who he was intimate with have another? You don't think these guys were possessive? An uncivilized man would kill or severaly maim a man who had sex with his woman.


----------



## rush

They are trying to get laid obviously,,,,,my wife got hit on in Walmart when I wandered off,,,,,she was just giggling away,,,she thought it was funny


----------



## tracyishere

rush said:


> They are trying to get laid obviously,,,,,my wife got hit on in Walmart when I wandered off,,,,,she was just giggling away,,,she thought it was funny


What did you think?


----------



## rush

She finally told me and I said where is he, I followed him and he went straight out of the sore and never looked back, and he did not buy anything there either, no bag.:scratchhead:


----------



## tracyishere

You must've had the look!


----------



## rush

He knew I was behind him,,


----------



## Caribbean Man

Interesting twist on the thread!

Here's my take.

The problem with the Polyamorus construct is no successful civilization has ever used it to it's advantage.
Monogamous marriage is the oldest social construct existing today beside religion. Note that both are, and have always been inextricably linked to governments.

The reason for this is that progressive societies are built on a social family system based on monagamous marriage. Before that very few real civilizations really could have existed because they had nothing to build on. After the hunter gatherer stage, man developed agricultural systems , and land was key to their survival.
It is easier to cultivate and defend land as a unified community than as a single , small group, hence the birth of tribes.
Through the passage of time tribes came together for survival and built cities. The issue of land ownership became even more important when economic systems were being developed.
Land ownership was key, but huge problems developed in some societies. A man died and his land was supposed to go to his sons. Up came a few more sons and laid claim to the same land. Truth is , he had several women and lots of kids, and the infighting started. Also there was the issue of lots of fatherless kids whose father refured to accept responsibility for them because he couldn't prove that hey were his. see, their mother had a number of other partners and she too wasn't even sure. When those young men became adults they were social outcasts, unable to own land, disenfranchised, and unable to marry.
They became troublemakers and ofter formented dissent in their respective societies.
Monogamy was the answer to all of that mess.
One man, one wife, with death being the consequence of breaking that rule.
Since most states back then were theocratic , the priest was the withess and record keeper of the marriage contract , the government simply came on board as the enforcer.

Later on, during the time of Rome, they used marriage as a method of population control .
Today ,beside religion and education, governments still use it as an effective method of controlling the masses.
Remove monogamous marriage and you will no longer have a country, but bands of disconnected tribes without any real identity, fighting for land and resources to survive.

People identify themselves firstly through their family name and connections.


----------



## tracyishere

Thanks for the informative post CM. 

So relationships were based more on convenience rather than love. Or would the man choose someone whom he had a certain connection with? Purely physical maybe? 

And now? Is it not the same? Once our SO becomes more of an inconvenience than anything we tend to leave. No?


----------



## samyeagar

tracyishere said:


> Thanks for the informative post CM.
> 
> *So relationships were based more on convenience rather than love.* Or would the man choose someone whom he had a certain connection with? Purely physical maybe?
> 
> And now? Is it not the same? Once our SO becomes more of an inconvenience than anything we tend to leave. No?


This is exactly what it was, or rather more than only convenience, but certainly not love.

Looking at the aristocricy, marriage was political, often to expand empires, and also to produce male heirs, and if the woman was barren, or did not produce a son, she was gone.

Among the peasantry, one of the main considerations was breeding stock. Could the woman produce many healthy children to work? Dowry's were effectively for buying wives from their birth family, much like livestock. This was common, even in parts of the United States in some places into the 20th century.

Gotta love the Good Ol Days huh? Romantic notions of it gone yet?


----------



## tracyishere

samyeagar said:


> This is exactly what it was, or rather more than only convenience, but certainly not love.
> 
> Looking at the aristocricy, marriage was political, often to expand empires, and also to produce male heirs, and if the woman was barren, or did not produce a son, she was gone.
> 
> Among the peasantry, one of the main considerations was breeding stock. Could the woman produce many healthy children to work? Dowry's were effectively for buying wives from their birth family, much like livestock. This was common, even in parts of the United States in some places into the 20th century.
> 
> Gotta love the Good Ol Days huh? Romantic notions of it gone yet?


Where's my Cinderella story?


----------



## Deejo

*Re: Re: No husband around? Fair game*



treyvion said:


> In the caveman days, do you really think a caveman was allowing a woman who he was intimate with have another? You don't think these guys were possessive? An uncivilized man would kill or severaly maim a man who had sex with his woman.


Not unless a bigger, smarter caveman killed him first. That was and still is the modus operandi of many primates. A very select few males earn, defend, and keep breeding rights. And specifically again with primates, females will sometimes have clandestine meetings with males other than the top monkey. Keeps the gene pool diverse.


----------



## Deejo

*Re: Re: No husband around? Fair game*



tracyishere said:


> Because we are trying to understand why married people are getting hit on in the first place.


I thought we already answered that? It's because your bubbly, personable, flirty, hot, and out without your man due to his social phobias, no?


----------



## tracyishere

Deejo, it's too late to get on Santa's nice list.


----------



## Mark72

tracyishere said:


> Deejo, it's too late to get on Santa's nice list.


I'm trying to get off the "Nice Guy" list....


----------



## Mark72

tracyishere said:


> Where's my Cinderella story?


The conclusion to your story isn't on the page yet...


----------



## tracyishere

I only trust men who like big butts. Because, they cannot lie.


----------



## sandc

tracyishere said:


> I only trust men who like big butts. Because, they cannot lie.


Then I am most truthful indeed. :smthumbup:


----------



## tracyishere

sandc said:


> Then I am most truthful indeed. :smthumbup:


I think you lied.


----------



## tracyishere

But just incase you didn't. Here is my Christmas gift to you.









Big butts everywhere.


----------



## Deejo

*Re: Re: No husband around? Fair game*



tracyishere said:


> I only trust men who like big butts. Because, they cannot lie.


You've been lurking in the big bottom thread haven't you?


----------



## tracyishere

Deejo said:


> You've been lurking in the big bottom thread haven't you?


There's a big bottom thread? Huh.... I'll only go there if I need the truth.


----------



## sandc

tracyishere said:


> But just incase you didn't. Here is my Christmas gift to you.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Big butts everywhere.


Mrs. Spock.... allow me to clarify:


----------



## bandit.45

tracyishere said:


> I only trust men who like big butts. Because, they cannot lie.


Are you cushiony Traci? Be honest.


----------



## tracyishere

sandc said:


> Mrs. Spock.... allow me to clarify:


My bad  :rofl:


----------



## tracyishere

bandit.45 said:


> Are you cushiony Traci? Be honest.


Like I'm going to talk about my butt, especially with a bandit.


----------



## sandc

Careful, he's a butt bandit.


----------



## tracyishere




----------



## tracyishere

I asked for one of these for Christmas. 










It's called a butt bra. To boost your booty. LMAO!


----------



## Deejo

tracyishere said:


> I asked for one of these for Christmas.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> It's called a butt bra. To boost your booty. LMAO!


That is so funny ... so did I.


----------



## tracyishere

Poor guys. Women are all about deception. You never know what you are really going to get.


----------



## tracyishere

Deejo said:


> That is so funny ... so did I.


I asked for extra padding.


----------



## rush

Hum...............my imagination is something else....


----------



## tracyishere

rush said:


> Hum...............my imagination is something else....


Really? Butt bras and pads are good imagery  

I can never win.


----------



## rush

Actually I like firm


----------



## tracyishere

You don't like a little jiggle with her wiggle?


----------



## rush

Not unless its jiggling for a different reason


----------



## tracyishere

What would you think if I blew my nose in a tissue and then stuffed it in my bra? Would that scare you off?


----------



## tracyishere

Little do you know... I have my Ms. Bond bra on. Hehehe


----------



## rush

Handy for some things


----------



## tracyishere

rush said:


> Handy for some things



Like a taser


----------



## rush

That would be cool


----------



## sandc

*Re: Re: No husband around? Fair game*



tracyishere said:


> You don't like a little jiggle with her wiggle?


I must be the only guy who does. I like women who look and feel like women.


----------



## sandc

*Re: Re: No husband around? Fair game*



tracyishere said:


> Like a taser


Don't tase me bra.


----------



## tracyishere




----------



## tracyishere

I'm getting a t-shirt made.


----------



## tracyishere




----------



## sandc

"Quick... pull my finger!" Said the disinterested married woman.


----------



## tracyishere

That would really "blow" him away.


----------



## sandc

He'd be gone like a wind in a fart storm.


----------

