# Husband going on live video chat sites for cyber sex



## Cr45599n (May 28, 2020)

Hi

I have been married for almost a year to my husband but together for 5 years. We have a 3 yr old daughter together and I am 6 months pregnant. Last week I found out my husband was downloading different video chat dating apps to talk to random women online and through video. I then found out a site he paid money for that has women from different countries that get naked on camera for live masturbation. 

My husband is currently working with a job that deals with Covid19 so he is staying in a hotel that the business pays for that is far from where we live. I was very devastated when I found out and told him how hurt I was but he continued for a whole day until he finally stopped and begged for my forgiveness and said he would never do it again. 

Even though I was very hurt and was pretty much done with him I decided to listen to him and try to make it work out but I already expressed to him that I felt like cyber sexing with random girls was cheating in my eyes. He said he didn’t believe it was cheating because he wasn’t doing anything physical and said he didn’t want to be with these girls. 

I don’t know too much detail of what was said or done during these video chats but I do know they were naked and masturbating on camera while he watched and most likely he exposed himself as well and maybe even said dirty things to them. I’ve been trying to get over it but then I found out yesterday that he was doing the exact same thing again. 

I felt crushed and told him that to me that’s cheating and I can’t be with someone who does that. He told me that he doesn’t want to stop and that he is addicted to it and wants to get it out of his system and how he thinks it is hot. He told me that he wants to be with me and that if we divorce it will be my fault. He said he doesn’t think it’s cheating and that would I rather him just meet up with women in real life and have sex. 

I just want to divorce at this point because to me it’s cheating whether it’s real or online. He is having mutual masturbation with these live girls that are on camera. It’s hurts a lot and just makes me feel disgusted. He wants to work on things but he wants me to accept this behavior because he said it’s just like porn. I feel like our marriage has been destroyed. I don’t know how to get passed it and being 6 months pregnant just makes me feel very depressed that he would do this. 

He doesn’t seem to care about how this is affecting me and only cares about getting off. He is like my best friend and I miss him but I don’t feel like I’m in love with him anymore now. I don’t feel special. And I feel like him saying he loves me are just lies to manipulate me. I do so much for him and I take care of him when he is home. I just feel like getting a divorce would be the best thing but I feel conflicted to that idea cause I still care about him. He thinks I’m overreacting but I feel like my emotions are justified. I feel like I’ve been betrayed.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

What your husband is doing is most definitely cheating. Regular old porn can be a grey area and opinions vary on that, but live porn and interacting with them IS cheating and it's not the same as porn. 

Cheating does not have to be physical, or even sexual (emotional affairs are a very real thing). 

If your husband doesn't think it's cheating, then why did he hide it? The answer is, because he knows it's wrong. Why is it wrong? Because it's cheating. If you have to hide something from your spouse, then you shouldn't be doing it. 

Regardless of what your husband says it is not your fault, ending the marriage will not be your fault, and you should not put up with something like this. How would he feel if you started doing the same thing? Probably not great. 

He has proven that he is full of ****, that he's not sorry, that his begging means nothing, that he doesn't care about you, and that he will not stop. He went from begging for your forgiveness to telling you he won't stop VERY quickly. 

He has now flat out told you that he's not going to stop, and real or not he claims to have an addiction to it. You need to set some boundaries. If you are not willing to allow this in your marriage, and he is unwilling to stop or get help for his "addiction", then divorce is the only option. 

Look up the 180 and implement that. It should be easy since he is not living in the house, and maybe never will again.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

it's cheating


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## marcy* (Feb 27, 2010)

I am OK with video porn, but not with virtual sex. It’s cheating.


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## secretsheriff (May 6, 2020)

Absolutely cheating.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Many people think cheating is only PIV and some try to justify even that. He isn’t going to agree with you because it doesn’t benefit him. And he’s said he plans to continue? That means you’ll have to accept it or leave? You have a decision to make.


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