# How should I ask out this girl?



## kxc (Apr 25, 2012)

Hi everyone,

Due to my being silly, I've kind of gotten myself into a (slight) pickle.

*EDIT: TL;DR version* How do I get into contact with a waitress that I had chemistry with? I think I might like her, but what should I say when I call the restaurant? I don't know her name... (Please read the second-last paragraph!)

I'm 25, and I've been working abroad. I recently came home for the first time in just over a year and a half. My sister and brother-in-law wanted to treat me to dinner, so we went out tonight.

The waitress at the restaurant was quite friendly, and whenever she passed by she seemed to be smiling at me. I thought I might have felt something, like some sort of spark or connection but dismissed the thought because I'm usually quite dense with these things. Plus, it's hardly uncommon for restaurant staff to be friendly.
Unfortunately, she wasn't wearing a nametag, so I thought I might be able to find out her name from the bill, but I didn't want to let my sister know what I was thinking (she's got a big mouth, and probably would have made fun of me for who knows how long). However, the two of them wouldn't even let me see the bill, let alone leave a tip.
When the waitress came by with the bill, she asked me if I wanted to pay at the front. I wasn't sure why, and since I wasn't even paying, my brother-in-law said that they'd just pay at the table. They were taking their time with the money, and she came back again to ask me if we'd just be paying at the table, which we all thought was a little weird.

After the meal was paid for and we were ready to leave, she came over and told me that she was sorry she couldn't spend more time on our table, but that she hoped we had a good night. The two of us exchanged a few kind words, and we left.

As we headed for the door, my sister asked me, "why'd she keep talking to you?" to which my brother-in-law replied, "weren't you paying attention? She likes him! She had her eyes on him all night."
I was shocked, to say the least. Perhaps it all hadn't been my imagination?! I then realised that maybe she had wanted to talk to me alone, which is why she asked me if I'd be paying at the front.

Anyway, here's my dilemma. I'm thinking that I'd like to get in touch with the waitress, but I don't know to. I was thinking that I would just call the restaurant, but I'm not sure what to say. I remember what she looks like, but I don't know her name. Should I be honest to whoever answers the phone? What reason should I give for wanting to talk to her? I could call and say that I'm a friend, or just pretend I forgot her name and describe her or something... but then that just seems silly (and possibly creepy?) Of course, I might luck out and she might answer, but I don't even know if she'll be working. I'm planning on calling around the same time we went last night.
Since I just got back, I don't have a car yet and my license has expired! I might not get a car for a while, and the restaurant is a bit out of the way. I'd prefer to leave my nosy sister out of this for now.

Does anyone have any advice? I'm really sorry for this ridiculously long thread for such a silly topic. Thanks a lot!


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

Why dont you keep going back to that restaurant? You're bound to run into her again. Dont forget to ask for phone and name.


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## kxc (Apr 25, 2012)

Thanks aug, that's definitely the sensible thing to do.

Although in my haste, I left out something important last night. There's a chance I might be going back abroad, depending on work and such. If that's the case, I would like to at least become friends with her. You know, since everyone's using email and/or Facebook nowadays...

Since I don't know yet, I need to make a move quickly!


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

Dude, you're not accused of a crime. You don't need an alibi. You call the restaurant and describe the girl and tell them you wanted to talk to her. If they ask you why, tell them you want to have a drink with her. Problem solved.

Stop thinking that you need to trick girls into spending time with you. You can just be up front and ask her out. The worst that can happen is that she can say no.

Also read some blogs like this one.
Approach Anxiety


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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

I'd walk there and tell her how far I walked and exactly why. Eat something and make plans with her.


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

Be bold! Keep going to the restraunt until you find her there. Tell her you could not get her off your mind. Then ask her out.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ChargingCharlie (Nov 14, 2012)

Go for it. In college, there was a girl (or woman if you prefer) that had a class with me that I admired from afar, and we lived in the same off-campus complex. She missed a bunch of school in the middle of the quarter (think it was a family issue), and one day came up to me in the cafeteria asking for my notes from class, which I of course gave to her. She gave them back, thanking me profusely for helping her out. This class was two days a week, and the quarter was almost over, so for the last couple of classes she would sit next to me. The quarter ended, and we were off for six weeks (they don't go by quarters anymore for this reason). When we got back to campus, I was out with a friend at a bar, and saw her at the bar with friends no more than ten feet from me. Instead of going over to say hi, I chickened out, and was too afraid/shy to say anything to her anymore. 

As it turned out, just for giggles I looked her up on FB. Looks good, happily married with three kids (actually doesn't live too far from me, maybe 50 miles). I still wish I would have gone up to her to say hi, and then asked her out. That's over 25 years ago, and I still think about it.


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## Viseral (Feb 25, 2011)

Go back to restaurant until you find her there, chit chat with her, then before leaving, just tell her the truth that you think she's very attractive, and ask her out.

Even if she says no she'll probably still be flattered, so don't worry about the outcome. You can only control you. Just go for it.


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## kxc (Apr 25, 2012)

Thanks for all the replies. It'll take a while, but I think I'll try bussing it!
Better to have tried than to have wondering about the "what ifs", right?
I'll let you know how things go... for anyone that is interested! Haha.

Also, PHTlump... I suppose honesty is the best policy. I admit I was thinking of some trickery, but it was only for the co-workers! I had a couple friends who were waitresses that used to tell me horror stories of how creepy guys always used to try and pick them up at work, so I didn't want to be misunderstood by her co-workers and be shut down before even having a chance to talk to her. Though I guess who is actually creepy is in the eye of the beholder... I hope I'm not being creepy. I guess my horrible wording might make it seem like that, pughdxk! Haha.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

kxc said:


> Thanks for all the replies. It'll take a while, but I think I'll try bussing it!
> Better to have tried than to have wondering about the "what ifs", right?
> I'll let you know how things go... for anyone that is interested! Haha.
> 
> Also, PHTlump... I suppose honesty is the best policy. I admit I was thinking of some trickery, but it was only for the co-workers! I had a couple friends who were waitresses that used to tell me horror stories of how creepy guys always used to try and pick them up at work, so I didn't want to be misunderstood by her co-workers and be shut down before even having a chance to talk to her. Though I guess who is actually creepy is in the eye of the beholder... I hope I'm not being creepy. I guess my horrible wording might make it seem like that, pughdxk! Haha.


I think that calling and asking for her by description will not go over well. Just go there. Watch to see which section she has. Then ask to be seated in her section. Order something small if you don't want to be there long if she turns you down.


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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

pughdxk said:


> I would like to at least become friends with her.


Grasshopper, the friend zone is a tar pit. Ten thousand years from now we will find your body perfectly preserved in a state of agony as you realize you're stuck. 

If you're hunting, you make the kill shot when you see the target species. No fooling around.


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## Hortensia (Feb 1, 2013)

Do not call the restaurant. You might get her in trouble. Some bosses frown at waitresses receiving personal calls at work. Especially customers calling to ask her out. 
She may also not like you saying to the person answering the phone that you like her and want to go out with her. Say that in person so the whole staff doesn't have to know her business. 
Go back to that place and ask to be seated with her. Say that you were impressed with her service. Then describe her appearence to the hostess as you don't know her name.
She will appreciate the good feedback and you coming back for her. Then you can be straightforward and ask her out. If indeed she likes you, she will accept, if not, well you tried.


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## kxc (Apr 25, 2012)

Hah, thanks guys.
Well, here's what happened. To be on the safe side, I called the restaurant and said I visited the restaurant the other day, and was thinking of coming in that day or the day after. I also inquired when my "favourite server" would be working that day, and he knew who I was talking when I mentioned what day I went last. Success!
It turns out she only works part-time, and only works on the floor on Monday. She's in the kitchen on Friday and Saturday. It's a good thing I called, because I probably would have never gone back on Monday. It's a fluke that I went on Monday in the first place.

Anyway, I showed up at the restaurant, and to my dismay, she was nowhere in sight! Resigned to my fate, I ordered a meal, hoping that she might just show up. She did! We exchanged pleasantries and smiled. Today was a holiday, so it was really busy, and she was mostly in the kitchen. She did personally bring out my meal though, despite another waitress being in charge of the table. I didn't see her again after that, so when the bill came, I asked her if the girl was still around, and she said she'd let her know that I was asking for her.

So, she came out again, and we chatted for a few moments, and I asked her out. It was surprisingly easy... I guess the only other girls I've asked out before were people I already knew, so I was nervous about the potential for failure, since things would be awkward after. I guess without that, it wasn't a problem at all. Oh, and it was a success! I caused a little bit of confusion though, since I used the phrase "grab a bite to eat", to which she replied "uh, do you mean here?" It ended up causing a good laugh, however.

Long story short, I just wanted to thank everyone for their help! To my own surprise, I somehow got my first number! Haha.
Bussing there and back did kind of end up being hell... 
Which reminds me, I don't have a car yet! I guess she could drive, or we could take the bus or something...? Man, I'm uncool.


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## Sanity (Mar 7, 2011)

kxc said:


> Hah, thanks guys.
> Well, here's what happened. To be on the safe side, I called the restaurant and said I visited the restaurant the other day, and was thinking of coming in that day or the day after. I also inquired when my "favourite server" would be working that day, and he knew who I was talking when I mentioned what day I went last. Success!
> It turns out she only works part-time, and only works on the floor on Monday. She's in the kitchen on Friday and Saturday. It's a good thing I called, because I probably would have never gone back on Monday. It's a fluke that I went on Monday in the first place.
> 
> ...


Sending positive vibes your way that this girl becomes something great in your life and you NEVER come back here talking about her. Good luck Restaurant Stalker!


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

That's awesome! Congrats!


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

kxc said:


> Bussing there and back did kind of end up being hell...
> Which reminds me, I don't have a car yet! I guess she could drive, or we could take the bus or something...?


Arrange to meet her at a place with several restaurants, bars, and coffee shops within walking distance. And bounce between several of them. Drinks first. Then, dinner at a different place. Dancing at a third. Changing locations works well on dates. If one place isn't working, change venues. Have five or six ideas ready to spring on her if she doesn't like salsa dancing, or smoky bars, or coffee shops, or whatever. Be ready to say, "Oh, well you'll love this place around the corner."



> Man, I'm uncool.


The good news is, she doesn't have to know that. Working out of the country is a much better excuse for not having a car than having your license suspended because of your fourth DUI. And as for the coolness factor, girls really like confident men. So just act confident. Even if you're not. Fake it. She won't know the difference. You should seriously read the blog I linked to earlier. It will give you some good dating tips.

At the end of the night, if she wants to continue things, you can easily tell her that you're an international playboy, so you'll have to take her car back to her place. Alternatively, you could get a hotel room in the area of your date. You can go very late because it's a short walk or taxi ride to your room.

Good luck.


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## kxc (Apr 25, 2012)

Thanks again guys, I really appreciate it!
Though... I called her today, and we chatted for a bit. One thing shook me up a bit though... she's 18! Oh god...
I honestly didn't see that one coming. Maybe she looks mature for her age, because I assumed she was around my age, as did my sister and brother-in-law. But that's a... 7 year gap? Definitely a facepalm moment.
I think I might have to pass on this one. she just turned 18 a month ago. I mean, legally there's nothing wrong, but... this doesn't really sit right with me.

If I look on the bright side though, I think I've gained a little confidence! Even if things have gone awry...


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## marko (Jul 22, 2013)

even my parents who are in their 70's now have ten years separating them. it is normal in previous generations. If you are compatible then really who cares.

try it out, if things do not work out you will have met a wonderful person, if you do not try you will be thinking about it the rest of your life. trust an older guy on that. 

note, I would never trade my life or family for anything else although.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

kxc said:


> Bussing there and back did kind of end up being hell...
> Which reminds me, I don't have a car yet! I guess she could drive, or we could take the bus or something...? Man, I'm uncool.


Sounds like you handled it very well. 

Don't worry about being 'uncool'. She seems to like you. If she's a quality young lady it will not bother her at all that you are using the bus these days.


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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

kxc said:


> One thing shook me up a bit though... she's 18! Oh god...
> I honestly didn't see that one coming. Maybe she looks mature for her age, because I assumed she was around my age, as did my sister and brother-in-law. But that's a... 7 year gap? Definitely a facepalm moment.
> I think I might have to pass on this one. she just turned 18 a month ago. I mean, legally there's nothing wrong, but... this doesn't really sit right with me.
> 
> If I look on the bright side though, I think I've gained a little confidence! Even if things have gone awry...


Are you kidding me? I was 49 when I married my 19 year old wife. Wow, was that ever the best decision for both of us! 

But she looks younger than her age. When she finally turned 21 I took her to a bar I used to play rock and roll music at. To go dancing, but they serve alcohol so it is a 21 age limit. 


Neither of us drinks. She got carded at the door. When we sat down someon from the bar came rushing over to check her ID again. We ordered diet cokes.

We went out on the dance floor. Another employee raced up while we were dancing and demanded her ID right there on the dance floor. 

She has been the best wife and mother, wow. Don't let age stop you. Just see what she's like. Her character. 

And pick up some cheap rig to drive. Holy mackerel my last truck was $1400 and I have been driving it 5 years. Got at least that much left in it too. I've bought cars for three hundred bucks and drove them for years too.

Edit: Hey, good on you asking her out. Report back!


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## marko (Jul 22, 2013)

I was thinking about this a little more tonight. I was thinking that you really should try a date or two, see how things go. why not?

maybe her father will really appreciate an older man dating his daughter, young men her age are quite the fools around the ladies. again trust an older guy on that, I still recall those teen age drama days.

I found my wife when she was still in high school, she lived in the apartment next to where I was living at the time. she is 2.5 years younger than me. at that time I thought I was really robbing the cradle. 

we went out a few times, talked about things, did long walks. you know what really attached me to her? we could go out on dates and not need to spend more than a few dollars, just be together and hang out. We would go to the downtown core and watch people, go to the park, etc. she did not want or need me to spend large amounts of money to impress her. I did not have a car, I did a lot of cycling though, could get anywhere in the city on the bus. I found out a few months later that she had never been with a man before. 

go on date, find out about her dreams and desires, her fears and weaknesses. she might be the one for you. she might be the one that stays with you and has two kids with you, comes running with the kids to hug you after work, she might even be the one that pushes your wheelchair around when you are both in the retirement home. go find out. 

I wish you happiness in your journey.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Picking up girls on the job tends to be rather difficult, so congratulations! You did what many men have trouble with!


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## Dahlia92 (Dec 31, 2012)

I agree, it can't hurt to go on a few dates and see if there's anything there. My husband is 7 years older than I am and I was about a year older than her when we met. It was a nice to go out with someone who wasn't the typical 19 year old guy. I looked a lot more at the qualities than the age - no one could make me laugh the way he did.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

Wiserforit said:


> Grasshopper, *the friend zone is a tar pit.* Ten thousand years from now we will find your body perfectly preserved in a state of agony as you realize you're stuck.
> 
> If you're hunting, you make the kill shot when you see the target species. No fooling around.


:lol:
So true. Know exactly what you want, go for it and stop pretending.
Women can be very intuitive, they know .


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