# Passionate love versus Companionship love...



## floressm

My wife and I have been married for almost nine years and and have a beautiful, healthy six year old daughter. I desire my wife and love her the same or even more now than I did when we were dating and would do anything for her. I understand that as our relationship/marriage ages like fine wine that we become comfortable with eachother and not everyday is a honeymoon. The passion for her is still alive in me but, has dropped much deeper in where I have a companionship love for her that overlooks the things that I expected to experience when we were first dating. We were discussing the subject of passionate versus companionship love and we differed on the subject. Thoughts or reactions on the subject would be greatly appreciated.


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## mentallydrained

Hmmmm. Your post intrigued me very much. As the words strick me as exactly what I'm living. 

For me, passionate love is the emotional physcial part of love. The long, deep, kiss to where the other person can feel the sense of how much you want and desire them physically. Or the love making. Not just hot sex, but the part where both of your emotions extrude during the event to each other. For me it truly is a completely whole different feeling.

Companionship love, well I think and feel that is more of an emtional love for a person that care for them, open up to them and share your inner thoughts, like a bests friend. You enjoy their company, to have someone to 'hang out with' maybe? To me companionship love can lack or have non exsistent passion...the physical emotional feelings. 

If makes no sense I apologize. I understand what I'm meaning but maybe not putting into words very well.


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## srpcbp

If you still have passion in your marriage, you are still very lucky. Passion is one of the first things to go in a marriage, or so I am told. Companionship is something that will hold the marriage together once the passion is gone. You do need a balance of the two, but I have always heard that not everyday will be the same. No matter what, you will have to work at it, but I feel as if companionship may be the more important matter. Remember what brought you together as friends in the first place, and even if it means acting like children again, try to do the same things that made you bond.


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## Boogsie

Companionship love = Living with a friend.

Passionate love = Living with a spouse.

If I want a passionless relationship, I'll move in with a friend or relative.


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## themrs

I think most marriages ebb and flow between the two. Right now I feel like more of a companion with my husband and it's gone on too long. I want some passion in and out of the bedroom.

When we were younger, it was easier to just ignite passion with an arguement. As we get older, we have less tolerance for arguing and it seems harder to spark the flames of passion. 

I'm cool with a companion. I want my husband to be my best friend, but I need passion sprinkled in here and there or else it's not a marriage.


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## Runs like Dog

I would prefer companionship to disappointment.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## magnoliagal

If I didn't feel passionate love for my husband I don't think I'd be married. Its the passion that makes me be able to overlook a lot of things. It's the glue that holds us together after 20 years. I want a husband not a roommate.

FWIW passion doesn't just appear when you want it to you have to make it happen. Too many couples quit doing anything fun, the wife gets frumpy, the man zombies out in from of the tv, talks are only about kids and money, etc. These things do not inspire passion.


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## MGirl

magnoliagal said:


> If I didn't feel passionate love for my husband I don't think I'd be married. Its the passion that makes me be able to overlook a lot of things. It's the glue that holds us together after 20 years. I want a husband not a roommate.
> 
> FWIW passion doesn't just appear when you want it to you have to make it happen. Too many couples quit doing anything fun, the wife gets frumpy, the man zombies out in from of the tv, talks are only about kids and money, etc. These things do not inspire passion.


Couldn't have said it better. Passion doesn't just fall into your lap or appear out of thin air. You have to work for it, nurture it.


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## AlanFunke

Compassionate or Passionate, no matter what as long as you stick to the height of your intelligence stability then everything must go well to the both of you...

love, love, love


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## SimplyAmorous

For me, Passion is LIFE , I need it , I want it , I crave it and I would probably start getting BORED without it, I am too much of a romantic at heart. We all need something to be passionate about. And what better than our very own spouses !! The one who is our Lover, our best friend, we share every hope, every dream, even intimate pleasurable touch & desire. 

Too many years of my marraige we didn't focus on us, but more the kids, the house, the projects, the passion was not as Great as it IS NOW. It was there but in a lessor measure, Kinda veiled, my mind was sidetracked other places, focusing on our future, instead of living in the present. We had the "companionship" thing down real well. Probably more of that going on than HOT passion for each other. That only seemed to happen about once a week. 

I recall a time going out to eat with my husband, an Aunt offered to babysit for us once a month so we could get away. We never left the kids behind, it is like they were attached to us & we forgot who we was without them! I remember thinking to myself out at dinner "darn, what do we talk about !" - my mind was blank, how could this be. We can fall into ruts now & then depending on what we are focusing on. 

But we can surely REVIVE the passion- no matter what year of your marraige. Oh yes! For the last 3 yrs -for us, it has grown & grown , best times of our lives. We flirt more NOW than we did when we met, we tease, we have more sex, we are always laughing, kissing, and ya know, this is what we were missing for many years, We act like star struck teenagers. 

Stir those "Dopamine" levels up for your spouse somehow- take a romantic vacation together, DATE , have an Affair with your spouse , go parking, etc.

Good book >> Amazon.com: Kosher Adultery: Seduce and Sin With Your Spouse (9781580627924): Shmuley Boteach: Books


I personally made a Movie Maker picture video of us with a sappy love song, played this thing back & it revived a ton of passion in me, took me by surprise, then I started taking HIM by surprise. I guess this was MY jump start. 

Floressm: So you & the wife differed on what is more important? 

I say they are both important. I guess I feel "companionship" without some Passion would get "stale" after a while- like a saltine cracker, you will feel like you are missing some of the spice of life. For us, Passionate Love has brought us more sexual desire for each other, an emotional closeness, more happiness, a more laughing spirit, more vulnerability-openness in all things. ALL sweet benefits in more abundance.


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## magnoliagal

Last night I made an attempt to spice up things and much to my dismay my husband knowing all this took an hour coming to bed. I was not happy. Instead of pouting or getting upset I calmly told him what I was feeling. I said I feel like work, kids and other crappy don't matter chores come first and I want us to have more "fun". We ended up having a nice chat and he seemed to get it. I want us to be a priority NOW because one day the kids will be grown, he will be retired, won't be worried about money (hopefully) and then where will we be? I want to still be madly in love.

This is the type of conversation I want to regularly have when we get off track in the future.


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## cisco7931

> But we can surely REVIVE the passion- no matter what year of your marraige. Oh yes! For the last 3 yrs -for us, it has grown & grown , best times of our lives. We flirt more NOW than we did when we met, we tease, we have more sex, we are always laughing, kissing, and ya know, this is what we were missing for many years, We act like star struck teenagers.


How did you manage to do this rather milestone in your life? :smthumbup:

Passion for me is what starts the relationship in the first place - Back in the day when you could not sleep without hearing her voice, you think about her first thing in the morning, last thing at night and anytime in between...

Companionship is what holds the relationship when all the heat is gone... Its a matured stage in the relationship where you get used to being with each other that you could not bare the thought of waking up or sleeping without your spouse...


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## SimplyAmorous

cisco7931 said:


> How did you manage to do this rather milestone in your life? :smthumbup:
> 
> Passion for me is what starts the relationship in the first place - Back in the day when you could not sleep without hearing her voice, you think about her first thing in the morning, last thing at night and anytime in between...
> 
> Companionship is what holds the relationship when all the heat is gone... Its a matured stage in the relationship where you get used to being with each other that you could not bare the thought of waking up or sleeping without your spouse...


 

For me personally, I was taking my husband for granted for many years, I put the kids before him. We have 6 . 

5 of those was birthed in a 9 years span, before that we had some infertility issues and I was distraught, I was so excited to have more babies, I slept with them in our bed, husband was on the back burner. 

Once we were done having kids, I think a mid life Crisis -realizing WE are getting older, where did the time go!! I made that "Video" I mentioned in my last post, It brought me to tears looking back at all of those years (I scanned a bunch of pictures of us from our teens to now)-- and my husband will attest, it started THERE. I guess feeling you missed out on something, been too busy, I just wanted to go back in time & relive what I feel we missed. It was very poweful for me. I no longer take my husband for granted or put the kids before him. 

Before we were married, I felt too much passion was "sinful" so these hindering beliefs did me/us no favors in our younger years. 

Live & learn. Hindsight.


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## SimplyAmorous

Urban Dictionary: passion


Here is a nice article I found on this subject : Compromising on Passion or on Companionship | Psychology Today




> *Companionship* is that state of being friends. It is a closeness or familiarity, a true fellowship among people who for some reason have connected. It is the word that comes to mind when you hear the words life-long partners.
> 
> People describe companionship is many ways-a cozy feeling, a nice full feeling after a pleasant meal with family or friends, or that easy rhythm you fall into with the familiar. In a relationship, though, companionship would seem to be the basis for two people wanting to remain together, yet many are torn between the importance of companionship verse romantic or passionate love.


...and more here Companionship vs Relationship - Ample Beauties BBW CHAT & Social Network


As for me, I am greedy, I want both !!


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## Amplexor

I posted this 3 years ago and re-reading it, it still rings true for me. Relationships do cycle in and out of stages of love. All have their strengths, all have their challenges.

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general-relationship-discussion/3991-five-kinds-love.html


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## grayhound

I'm curious...

I always had tons of "passion" with the bad boys who would have made bad companions. So, I opted to get serious with my best friend instead.

I married a man that I had ZERO passion for and absolutely no chemistry, but he made me laugh and we had a great time together. He made me feel safe... I thought this was true love. 

If there was never any passion in a relationship, can you somehow make it work? Create a spark? Or should it be there from day 1? I thought a good friendship was a solid foundation for a marriage? I guess I was wrong :/


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## magnoliagal

grayhound said:


> If there was never any passion in a relationship, can you somehow make it work? Create a spark? Or should it be there from day 1? I thought a good friendship was a solid foundation for a marriage? I guess I was wrong :/


You never had butterfies or have been turned on by your husband? Or just melted when he looked at you?


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## grayhound

magnoliagal said:


> You never had butterfies or have been turned on by your husband? Or just melted when he looked at you?


Not at all 

Well, once or twice I've had butterflies... after not seeing him for a while and seeing him again. But it was more nervous than excited.

I've had passion, excitement and real butterflies with a few ex-boyfriends... but not with my husband. For some reason I thought that the butterflies were immature and fleeting, and our friendship was mature and "forever". Maybe I was wrong.


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## Runs like Dog

That's your answer. You know this is true.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## magnoliagal

grayhound said:


> For some reason I thought that the butterflies were immature and fleeting, and our friendship was mature and "forever". Maybe I was wrong.


I think chemistry or spark is either there or it isn't. You can't make it happen if you've never had it. And no passion isn't immature and fleeting I still feel this way towards my husband of almost 20 years. As much as sometimes I wish I didn't (like when we are having problems) I still do. My heart races, I melt when he looks at me with those blue eyes, butterflies, the whole nine.


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## southbound

SimplyAmorous said:


> For me, Passion is LIFE , I need it , I want it , I crave it and I would probably start getting BORED without it, I am too much of a romantic at heart. We all need something to be passionate about. And what better than our very own spouses !! The one who is our Lover, our best friend, we share every hope, every dream, even intimate pleasurable touch & desire.
> 
> Too many years of my marraige we didn't focus on us, but more the kids, the house, the projects, the passion was not as Great as it IS NOW. It was there but in a lessor measure, Kinda veiled, my mind was sidetracked other places, focusing on our future, instead of living in the present. We had the "companionship" thing down real well. Probably more of that going on than HOT passion for each other. That only seemed to happen about once a week.
> 
> I recall a time going out to eat with my husband, an Aunt offered to babysit for us once a month so we could get away. We never left the kids behind, it is like they were attached to us & we forgot who we was without them! I remember thinking to myself out at dinner "darn, what do we talk about !" - my mind was blank, how could this be. We can fall into ruts now & then depending on what we are focusing on.
> 
> But we can surely REVIVE the passion- no matter what year of your marraige. Oh yes! For the last 3 yrs -for us, it has grown & grown , best times of our lives. We flirt more NOW than we did when we met, we tease, we have more sex, we are always laughing, kissing, and ya know, this is what we were missing for many years, We act like star struck teenagers.
> 
> Stir those "Dopamine" levels up for your spouse somehow- take a romantic vacation together, DATE , have an Affair with your spouse , go parking, etc.


That sounds like my x wife an me, except her solution was divorce. We were late 40s and late 30s with two kids, 12 and 9. Most people our age have older kids, so I don't know if that caused things to be different than other people as far as phases go.

If my wife truly loved me in the beginning, which I believe she did, do you believe we could have worked our butts off if needed and "restored" our passion if she had been willing? She said she no longer had feeling and felt like the back door was the only answer.


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## SimplyAmorous

southbound said:


> That sounds like my x wife an me, except her solution was divorce. We were late 40s and late 30s with two kids, 12 and 9. Most people our age have older kids, so I don't know if that caused things to be different than other people as far as phases go.
> 
> If my wife truly loved me in the beginning, which I believe she did, do you believe we could have worked our butts off if needed and "restored" our passion if she had been willing? She said she no longer had feeling and felt like the back door was the only answer.


Southbound, I don't think there is any "box' about our ages in marraige or the ages of our kids at the time of our "crisis".

Men & women, marital life, our communication styles, our tolerances, what we deeply yearn for inside, our resentment barameters, we are all so darn diverse!! One shoe will never fit all. Read Freak on a Leash's story here http://talkaboutmarriage.com/sex-marriage/25049-sexless-seattle.html Talk about Forbearance in love !!! There are simply things some of us could NEVER put up with- no matter how many years we have been together, and other things we may find "tolerable/ many chances given" that would be HUGE deal breakers to others. 

The fall out comes when one gives up, is unwilling to commiunciate, unwilling to care any longer , after silently building that wall brick by silent brick -for whatever reason. 

Very sad really. If we willingly take a sledge hammer to those walls & genuinely want to start afresh, dare to please each other, I think ANYTHING can be Re-vived- with the right mental focus & desire -IF you still have some physical attraction going on & at least "like" each others company.

Here is a nice article about Reviving the Passion ...
http://www.lovecoachblog.com/prevent_breakup/


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## Tourchwood

magnoliagal said:


> FWIW passion doesn't just appear when you want it to you have to make it happen. Too many couples quit doing anything fun, the wife gets frumpy, the man zombies out in from of the tv, talks are only about kids and money, etc. These things do not inspire passion.



Really, it seems you describe my marriage, what things does it inspire marriage?


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## Tourchwood

magnoliagal said:


> I think chemistry or spark is either there or it isn't. You can't make it happen if you've never had it. And no passion isn't immature and fleeting I still feel this way towards my husband of almost 20 years. As much as sometimes I wish I didn't (like when we are having problems) I still do. My heart races, I melt when he looks at me with those blue eyes, butterflies, the whole nine.


is your husband from planet earth? can he teach me please? I can put blue eye contacts if they melt spouses lol
why, what does he do to do that for you?


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## magnoliagal

Tourchwood said:


> is your husband from planet earth? can he teach me please? I can put blue eye contacts if they melt spouses lol
> why, what does he do to do that for you?


I think I'm a sap and there must be something terribly wrong with me. On our third date my husband kissed me and I had to remind myself to breathe (swear there were fireworks). And here we are 20 years later and he still gets to me. 

However before you get all jealous he's moved onto mostly that "mature love" that I keep hearing so much about. So my relationship isn't what it seems. I'm passionate about him yes but it isn't reciprocated unless I make it happen and start first.


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## magnoliagal

Tourchwood said:


> Really, it seems you describe my marriage, what things does it inspire marriage?


I'm the female so what I've done is get back in touch with the person I was when we were dating. I've lost weight, started dressing nice, being more adventurous, more fun, got my ambition back (I'd fallen into that submissive wife trap), made efforts to do something different to shake things up. Takes a lot of effort and creativity but the payoffs are worth it. I can honestly say we've had more passion these past few weeks than we've had in years. And it was all my doing.


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## Mutusha

:iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree:


cisco7931 said:


> How did you manage to do this rather milestone in your life? :smthumbup:
> 
> Passion for me is what starts the relationship in the first place - Back in the day when you could not sleep without hearing her voice, you think about her first thing in the morning, last thing at night and anytime in between...
> 
> Companionship is what holds the relationship when all the heat is gone... Its a matured stage in the relationship where you get used to being with each other that you could not bare the thought of waking up or sleeping without your spouse...


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## Mutusha

Thats right 100%


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