# Don't know what to do



## Don't have a clue (Jul 28, 2013)

So here's my story:

Back story:
I am 43 and my husband is 45, we have have been married 14 yrs and have one child who is 10. We originally met at a bar and started having a sexual relationship on and off for a few years. After a couple of years of not seeing each other, we met and again and started dating. I started looking at engagement rings in the Sunday paper and found one I liked, told him where it was and he put a down payment on it. Afterward we went to a pizza place and the proposal was "Well if we're going to do it, we may as well get it over with." To which my response was "Do you love me?"

Fast forward:
Over the years, I thought we a good marriage because we never fought. We have been through a lot - foreclosure, deaths, failed business, and now my mother living with us. Several months ago I started questioning the happiness of my marriage and brought up my concerns to him. He went off the deep end. The man I had never seen show emotion, suddenly wouldn't stop crying. He did a complete 180 and suddenly wanted to spend every moment with me and smothering me. The more he smothered, the further I away I went. He finally eased up after several IC sessions. I also tried IC but she just wanted me to read a book and said "If you think you need to come back, then you can make an appointment". He told his IC that he would like to bring me in for MC, but she wouldn't do it. 

We are not getting anywhere. We have no physical contact other than he rubs my back or spoons me. I have no desire to do anything else.

Is there any hope for this marriage or is it time to give up?


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

You're not very clear on what the actual problems are. So you questioned the happiness of your marriage. Why did you start doing that? And he started smothering you, but he's eased up on that. You haven't tried MC yet; why not? Find a neutral "new" therapist. After being married for so long, and with kids, what have you got to lose?

C


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## Don't have a clue (Jul 28, 2013)

I know I skipped a lot, but I guess one of the biggest problems is communication. Every so often I have to ask if he loves me. Other than that, the thought of kissing him much less having sex turns my stomach. I don't know if I love him anymore.

What brought on the realization that I wasn't happy was the fear of waking up one day and instead of being able to say that I had been married to my best friend and the love of my life, that I would say yep, I was married.


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