# How to handle guy hitting on wife in front of me?



## Atonement

Dammmn...let's start off by saying I feel quiet emasculated. Not sure what happened to me over the years, I'm 30 married now with 2 kids. When I was younger I had no problem with conflict or confrontation. Now days I definitely struggle with it.

Soooo here's the story: 

My family and I live in an apartment complex with a pool. At said pool, there's this creep that constantly talks to my wife...along with every other woman there. He's a middle aged wanna be ladies man...he also has a son and wife (or ex wife not sure). 

My wife's talked to him a few times just being friendly. Now apparently he thinks they're pool buddies, every time we're at the pool he tries to talk to her regardless of whether I'm there or not (he just ignores me). My wife's a beautiful woman, I'm used to guys hitting on her...and she handles it just fine on her own without me having to intervene. It's different with this guy though. The blatant disrespect of him talking to her while me and my kids are right there infuriates me. She'll respond politely, then ignore him. But he hasn't gotten the hint. 

This brings me to our family "pool day" yesterday. We're all swimming in the pool...he gets in and say's "Hey mommy, here with your boys huh" (my two kids). She did a nervous laugh and said yea I am...and basically ended the conversation. I was right there next to her basically and froze. Didn't say a f**king thing. It's been eating away at me all day. How have I become such a p**sy. The old me would have immediately went off on him and told him to f**k off.

So am I over reacting...letting my ego get the best of me?

How do I deal with this creep, I'm def not standing by and letting it happen the next time. 

Thanks!.


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## becareful2

Your other thread was extremely painful to read. I skimmed through it and couldn't finish it. Your wife cheated in the past, was unremorseful, so don't be surprised if there's something here as well. I'm not sure I'd believe that you weren't conflict avoidant back in your younger days. She has told you that your insecurities are not attractive. What have you done in the last four years to build up your confidence? Are you out of shape? Are you afraid of him? Are you a male feminist? What? How did you become this way? 

I'm also not sure why you chose the happy smilie with the sunglasses.


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## arbitrator

*First, tell your W that you are most annoyed and are uncomfortable with this arrangement and that you want to do something about it immediately, either with or without her tacit approval!

Then when "Romeo" shows up again, tell him that you and the family are beginning to become annoyed by his habitual presence and that you are in need of some "alone" family time together!

And perchance that your W is not in favor of that plan, then simply catch Romeo alone and whisper rather discreetly in his ear that your W is being treated for a searing, terminal case of the clap!

That'll start him moving quicker than Ex-Lax goes through an old maid!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Atonement

becareful2 said:


> Your other thread was extremely painful to read. I skimmed through it and couldn't finish it. Your wife cheated in the past, was unremorseful, so don't be surprised if there's something here as well. I'm not sure I'd believe that you weren't conflict avoidant back in your younger days. She has told you that your insecurities are not attractive. What have you done in the last four years to build up your confidence? Are you out of shape? Are you afraid of him? Are you a male feminist? What? How did you become this way?
> 
> I'm also not sure why you chose the happy smilie with the sunglasses.


Not sure why you'd dig up my post from 4 years ago. But ya we've had some rough times.... like most men on this forum. Our past has nothing to do with this situation. He's a non threat and I'm not worried about anything happening between them at all. Like I said...it's more about respect. I'm not out of shape, I'm not afraid of him, not a feminist....it's more mental then anything, not sure how I became so passive.


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## TheTruthHurts

If you're truly not insecure there are many ways of handling it like a man.

Obviously reposition your family with you between her and him and ignore him. As in 
"hon let's move you here" - while you physically move her stuff - and slowly drag another chair between her and him, turn your back to him, and talk to your wife.

Or... Walk over and ask about his wife. No wife? Oh. How's his girlfriend? No girlfriend? Why not? Then either ask if he wants you to introduce you to sime guys you know... or simply say your wife isn't looking for friends of the opposite sex - if he wants to chat with her he should talk to you first.

If you're actually confident - as I am - then you should be able to smile and let him know it's time to piss off.

If you have ANY doubts at all about your W... that's a totally different ball game.



Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## becareful2

Atonement said:


> Not sure why you'd dig up my post from 4 years ago.


Background information adds a lot of context to your situation.



> Like I said...it's more about respect.


Why should you respect a guy like him? Respect is earned, not given. Just walk up to him, look him dead in the eyes, and tell him you don't appreciate him talking to your wife that way.


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## TAM2013

You both tell him to fvck off. If your wife won't support you, she's not worthy to be your wife.


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## VermisciousKnid

becareful2 said:


> Background information adds a lot of context to your situation.
> 
> 
> Why should you respect a guy like him? Respect is earned, not given. Just walk up to him, look him dead in the eyes, and tell him you don't appreciate him talking to your wife that way.


You've got it reversed. The guy is disrespecting him by hitting on his wife in his presence.


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## richie33

While he is trying to talk to your wife grab your wife a plant a long kiss on her while he is talking....message sent.


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## thefam

Your presence tells him it's ok to flirt with your wife in front of you. I know because women flirt with my H in front of me all the time. My H is a chick magnet, as your wife probably is with men. The way i see it is men need to take the lead to shut it down on both sides of flirting - when women flirt with them and when men flirt with their wife. But some women give off the vibe that beotch I will punch you in the face if you come on to my man. But I would never say anything in that situation so it would be really hurtful if my husband didn't shut it down.

My husband on the other hand will also nip it in the bud if a man flirts with me even jokingly. He does it very friendly but firmly.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## TAM2013

You should also set up a situation where you can monitor her when you're not present. If she's encouraging him behind your back, you've got big problems. Some people just do not have boundaries. Once you've proved this, your relationship is effectively over.


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## imtamnew

Repeat slowly... It's OK to be rude to other people.
Repeat multiple times.

Don't know why you should be worried about telling someone to go fish elsewhere.


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## BetrayedDad

richie33 said:


> While he is trying to talk to your wife grab your wife a plant a long kiss on her while he is talking....message sent.


This is the move OP. I wouldn't even give scumbag the time of day.

It's not your job to play warden or intervene unless he becomes physical.

Your wife should be shutting down verbal fishermen and this should help it along.


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## Wolf1974

Just tell your wife this makes you uncomfortable and tell her to tell him to stop. Not a nice way or a way that can be misunderstood just a straight forward STOP NOT INTERESTED. Most these types are weak guys and getting called out loudly will shut him down. If that doesn't work then you need to get loud with him.


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## MarriedDude

Is this guy larger than you? Are you physically afraid of him? Why do you freeze? These are important for you to answer for yourself. 

He is persisting...in front of you and you do nothing...that is a problem. Insecurity is unattractive...yes, but so is fear. Woemn can smell both and tend to find them equally repellant. 

Calmly let him know, right in front of your wife...that this stops now. If it does not stop to your satisfaction...you will be advising the building management and the police that this strange man has repeatedly approached children in the pool. You are concerned as to his intentions. In addition to building management and the authorities, you will be requeating a meeting of all residents to verify how many women and children he has accosted. 

You dont want confrontation? Fine...create concern. The management, the authorities will have no choice but to investigate...which will destroy this man. If you cant do this...you better grab your balls and tell him to f**k off. He has made the shot across your bow...its all on you at this point. Do Something
_Posted via Mobile Device_

Edit....i may be the wrong person to give advice on this subject...i am possessive of what mine, always have been. The worst has been beating a man nearly to death with a plastic milk crate in popwonri for attempting to grab my wifes ass....in terms of mission and objective, it was a success...he no longer wished to be anywhere remotly close to her....he also lost sight. You will need to do something in between nothing and violent assault...but understand...you must do something


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## rileyawes

I also think you should talk to your wife. It's really up to her to tell him to leave her alone. If you do it, he'll probably stop flirting with her...in front of you. Ask her whether she likes the attention and why she hasn't asked him to go away. This creep has pretty bad boundaries, but so does your wife. She's being too subtle. I think her treatment would work with most people, but this guy is a special case.


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## Yeswecan

Atonement said:


> Dammmn...let's start off by saying I feel quiet emasculated. Not sure what happened to me over the years, I'm 30 married now with 2 kids. When I was younger I had no problem with conflict or confrontation. Now days I definitely struggle with it.
> 
> Soooo here's the story:
> 
> My family and I live in an apartment complex with a pool. At said pool, there's this creep that constantly talks to my wife...along with every other woman there. He's a middle aged wanna be ladies man...he also has a son and wife (or ex wife not sure).
> 
> My wife's talked to him a few times just being friendly. Now apparently he thinks they're pool buddies, every time we're at the pool he tries to talk to her regardless of whether I'm there or not (he just ignores me). My wife's a beautiful woman, I'm used to guys hitting on her...and she handles it just fine on her own without me having to intervene. It's different with this guy though. The blatant disrespect of him talking to her while me and my kids are right there infuriates me. She'll respond politely, then ignore him. But he hasn't gotten the hint.
> 
> This brings me to our family "pool day" yesterday. We're all swimming in the pool...he gets in and say's "Hey mommy, here with your boys huh" (my two kids). She did a nervous laugh and said yea I am...and basically ended the conversation. I was right there next to her basically and froze. Didn't say a f**king thing. It's been eating away at me all day. How have I become such a p**sy. The old me would have immediately went off on him and told him to f**k off.
> 
> So am I over reacting...letting my ego get the best of me?
> 
> How do I deal with this creep, I'm def not standing by and letting it happen the next time.
> 
> Thanks!.


Sir, state in no uncertain terms that pool time is for family interaction. You kindly ask he lets the family enjoy their time together. Not really a confrontation. It will be if the other party persists. It is a fair warning.


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## Kivlor

I can't begin to envision how this would call for "confrontation".
@richie33 and @BetrayedDad have the right idea here. Next time, slip up next to your wife and pull her into a big kiss. Then look at the guy and say "Hey neighbor! How ya been?" When you both turn away from him to walk away, smack her on the @ss. 

Mark your territory, and make your presence known; he'll get the message.


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## Herschel

Or just don't give a ****. If there is a hint of possible infidelity with your wife, I guess your issue would be with her, and not him. He is the one who wants what you have. Why even bother caring?


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## jb02157

It's not like to have to say anything at all to this *******. Obviously he's not going to take a hint when you talk to him so just say to him, Look if this is going to be a problem we will get a restraining order against you. Have the cops deal with him. The more you become involved the worse it gets for you.


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## straightshooter

OK, buddy, lets leave out your wifes infidelity for a minute here, and lets put aside what you are perceiving that you are being a ***** by not responding.

So you got a beautiful wife. So do a lot of us. And any woman who gets a lot of male attention know how to pour ice water on a guys **** in a new York second, but your wife is not doing that.

She is being cordial and polite to him even though you both know what he is doing. So how about if she loudly and in no uncertain terms told him so a lot of others could here that she has not ****ing interest in him and to keep him comments and conversation to himself. you think he might get that message.

he is continuing to do this because your wife is NOT getting indignant, she is dumping that task on you.

And by the way, there are beautiful women, my wife included, who know how to put out vibes that would make a man feel foolish to even try to talk to them.

So this little issue should not be left for you to possibly get into a conversation that could lead to a physical altercation.

YOUR WIFE NEEDS TO HANDLE THIS AND NOT IN A POLITE WAY .


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## Max.HeadRoom

This past winter my wife & I were attended a retirement party for a coworker of hers; all were postal carriers. A couple of my friends were there to and I was on the other side of the bar talking to them. 

I was walking back to my wife when I saw someone on his knees playing with the back of her knees. I thought ‘[email protected]; now I have to do something, and he’s pretty big too.” I walked up to him and tapped him on the shoulder and said loudly “Hey, those knees belong to me”. He got up looking scared and drunk. He put out his hand for a shake said he was sorry and left.

Point is this. If you think you need to act you should. Most of my regrets are things I did not do


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## TheTruthHurts

Max.HeadRoom said:


> This past winter my wife & I were attended a retirement party for a coworker of hers; all were postal carriers. A couple of my friends were there to and I was on the other side of the bar talking to them.
> 
> 
> 
> I was walking back to my wife when I saw someone on his knees playing with the back of her knees. I thought ‘[email protected]; now I have to do something, and he’s pretty big too.” I walked up to him and tapped him on the shoulder and said loudly “Hey, those knees belong to me”. He got up looking scared and drunk. He put out his hand for a shake said he was sorry and left.
> 
> 
> 
> Point is this. If you think you need to act you should. Most of my regrets are things I did not do




WTF??? LOL what was your W doing while some guy was playing "with the back of her knees"??? Is that some k-spot I'm unaware of? Was he looking up her dress???


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## zookeeper

I would expect my wife to make at least as much effort to deter some strange man as my car does to deter a would-be thief. 

I disagree that she handled him "just fine" if you mean that she shut him down. Why didn't she acknowledge you, her husband to him? Since you were sanding next to her and all. Nervous laugh and "yes I am" is not an effort to deter this guy. "Well, my husband is here too. Can't you see him standing right here?", might have been a better response. Not that you should just clam up and stand there, but what message is she sending by not even acknowledging your presence?

It is the obligation of the person being hit on to clearly communicate that there is zero interest. I'm not big on intervening unless some scumbag won't take the hint. In that case, you do what you gotta.


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## jb02157

I think having your wife handle it and making it clear there is no interest is the wrong way to handle it. Next thing you know he'll rape her or worse. Guys like this respond very negatively to women getting aggressive with them and telling them "no". I've had a lot of experience dealing with *******s in my neighborhood. The only thing that works is the cops handling it. If you slap him with a restraining order, that usually does it. Also she should have the good sense to pack up and leave the next time he's out there.


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## Max.HeadRoom

TheTruthHurts said:


> WTF??? LOL what was your W doing while some guy was playing "with the back of her knees"??? Is that some k-spot I'm unaware of? Was he looking up her dress???
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


I don't know or care. I just needed to do something and wanted all there to see it.

i talked to my wife later about it later. as far as i know nothing like this has happened b4 or since. So I'm not too concerned about keeping an eye on her. I think she liked the way I acted.


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## 2ntnuf

Most men don't do this at the local pool unless they have a reason to believe they have a chance. Why? They don't know you any more than you know them. You might have a gun in the car. You might be Ted Bundy and want to make a sandwich with his left arm or something. 

I believe she knows him somehow. Of course I could be wrong. 

What do you think? Is it possible she knows him and has given him a sample of what he could have permanently? 

My imagination wants to pick up that milk crate and beat the guy to a bloody pulp just for fun, like MarriedDude did. I know that's a little over the top... or is it?

Jail time may not be worth the satisfaction you get. 

Kissing her and grabbing her butt could tell you how she feels about you. She might pull away.

I like making space between you and him with a chair and your body.

I really liked what TheTruthHurts posted. 

Many ways to handle it. Maybe some things to check into. Good luck.


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## phillybeffandswiss

Seriously? WTH?

If your wife is uncomfortable, then she needs to shut it down. Some men and women see politeness as further openings to continue conversations or whatever. She needs to tell him to back off. I always laugh at the "kiss her" point. If he is a player, which we've all seen happen in threads and some of us in real life, it is a challenge to these types. This isn't the movies where mate guarding scares anyone off. If it bothers you have an honest talk with your wife and see how she feels. Then one of you tell him to back off.


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## SunCMars

Wolf1974 said:


> Just tell your wife this makes you uncomfortable and tell her to tell him to stop. Not a nice way or a way that can be misunderstood just a straight forward STOP NOT INTERESTED. Most these types are weak guys and getting called out loudly will shut him down. If that doesn't work then you need to get loud with him.


NO!

Get between him and your wife.

Ask him if his life insurance is paid up. 

Do this with your eyes bulging and face red with blood.


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## Wolf1974

SunCMars said:


> NO!
> 
> Get between him and your wife.
> 
> Ask him if his life insurance is paid up.
> 
> Do this with your eyes bulging and face red with blood.


So the mature way then 

Good luck with that lol


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## Blondilocks

Your wife's nervous laugh was a little odd, wasn't it? What did she have to be nervous about?

You can wait until this guy is just about to open his mouth and ask "Is there anything we can help you with? No, then we'll get back to enjoying our family time." Do this every time. Preempt him.


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## 2ndchanceGuy

Just have what you want to say planned out ahead of time. I would say something like " Quagmire take it somewhere else " 
Your sh.. is getting old . I don't put up with guys hitting on my wife. "


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## frusdil

thefam said:


> But some women give off the vibe that beotch I will punch you in the face if you come on to my man.


That'd be me :grin2:


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## Mostlycontent

zookeeper said:


> I would expect my wife to make at least as much effort to deter some strange man as my car does to deter a would-be thief.
> 
> I disagree that she handled him "just fine" if you mean that she shut him down. Why didn't she acknowledge you, her husband to him? Since you were sanding next to her and all. Nervous laugh and "yes I am" is not an effort to deter this guy. "Well, my husband is here too. Can't you see him standing right here?", might have been a better response. Not that you should just clam up and stand there, but what message is she sending by not even acknowledging your presence?
> 
> It is the obligation of the person being hit on to clearly communicate that there is zero interest. I'm not big on intervening unless some scumbag won't take the hint. In that case, you do what you gotta.



I tend to agree with your line of reasoning here. Unless my wife was disrespected or felt threatened, I don't get all riled up about such things.

My wife used to take our dogs for walks on the beach daily and she got hit on virtually every day or every other day. She's still very attractive but older now. Back then, she could literally stop traffic in the bikini she used to wear.

If I were to take offense or take action with every guy that gave her too much attention or hit on her, I'd have been in jail on pretty much a weekly basis. She handled most stuff on her own. She would quickly mention her husband in any conversation anyone tried to start with her. That was usually all it took.

I only had to intervene twice that I recall. Once was when a guy got rude with her after she shut him down. I worked out of my home office most days and she called me on the phone and told me what had happened. I went out to the beach, as we only live one block away, found the guy and threatened to cave his face in if he didn't apologize to her. It worked out well and he did.

The second time was in a bar on one of our rare date nights. A guy standing behind her made some lewd comments that I overheard. She was wearing a swanky mini skirt that I was rather fond of. Anyway, I turned around and asked him to repeat what he said and I wasn't very nice and used several expletives. Even though he was bigger than me, I apparently have an extremely menacing scowl and he backed down immediately.

Those two instances proved to my wife that I had her back but she isn't particularly one to want me to knock somebody out and get thrown in jail. That's not real high on my list either.

Anyway, as far as OP goes, his wife needs to speak of her husband frequently to this fellow if her husband isn't around. If he is right there, she needs to introduce him and this usually lets the other guy know that she's not interested or available. That's been my experience anyway.


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## alexm

Atonement said:


> Dammmn...let's start off by saying I feel quiet emasculated. Not sure what happened to me over the years, I'm 30 married now with 2 kids. When I was younger I had no problem with conflict or confrontation. Now days I definitely struggle with it.
> 
> Soooo here's the story:
> 
> My family and I live in an apartment complex with a pool. At said pool, there's this creep that constantly talks to my wife...along with every other woman there. He's a middle aged wanna be ladies man...he also has a son and wife (or ex wife not sure).
> 
> My wife's talked to him a few times just being friendly. Now apparently he thinks they're pool buddies, every time we're at the pool he tries to talk to her regardless of whether I'm there or not (he just ignores me). My wife's a beautiful woman, I'm used to guys hitting on her...and she handles it just fine on her own without me having to intervene. It's different with this guy though. The blatant disrespect of him talking to her while me and my kids are right there infuriates me. She'll respond politely, then ignore him. But he hasn't gotten the hint.
> 
> This brings me to our family "pool day" yesterday. We're all swimming in the pool...he gets in and say's "Hey mommy, here with your boys huh" (my two kids). She did a nervous laugh and said yea I am...and basically ended the conversation. I was right there next to her basically and froze. Didn't say a f**king thing. It's been eating away at me all day. How have I become such a p**sy. The old me would have immediately went off on him and told him to f**k off.
> 
> So am I over reacting...letting my ego get the best of me?
> 
> How do I deal with this creep, I'm def not standing by and letting it happen the next time.
> 
> Thanks!.


I think you're over-reacting a little bit, but still have the right to be annoyed.

Your wife isn't engaging him at all, and he also doesn't sound like he's said anything that crosses the line to her (at least not in front of you).

But the fact that he's ignoring you entirely is what's bothering you, I think - not that he's trying to chat her up. You've observed that he's no threat to your marriage, and you're probably right.

Where you went wrong (and where I typically go wrong in similar situations, as well) is that you haven't engaged him at all yet, and now it kind of feels like it's too late and would come across as you being jealous, which he would pick up on.

So now it's become an awkward situation for you. Anything you say to him from this point onwards will make you seem like you are trying to protect you/your wife from him. Unfortunately, guys like him are looking for that - which means they've hit a nerve. Which means they've made the husband jealous. Which means they're perceived as a threat. Which is what he wants.

Whatever you do, don't drag your wife into this. It sounds as though she's reacting the way she should and brushing him off. The temptation to turn your frustration around on her can be great, but don't bite. It'd be easy to ask her why she doesn't just tell him to F off, or say something like "why don't you introduce me to him???", that sort of thing. But the reality is that she either doesn't see the whole picture or that she does and her mindset is that YOU should have stepped in at some point and mate-guarded.

The other scenario is that she doesn't recognize that you feel threatened by this at all, so you haven't reacted accordingly. That's not a bad thing, either. If she feels you're confident in yourself and trusting of her, then there's no need to mate guard - in this situation.

I know when this sort of thing has happened over the years with my wife, she prefers to handle it herself. That's her personality. She has no problem telling somebody to F off and doesn't want me to fight her battles for her. That's just the way she is, and she doesn't want anoybody's protection.

The last thing I'll say is that there are most definitely men out there who do this sort of thing, and it's even more of a challenge when the woman is with their boyfriend or husband. However, d-bags like this tend to select their targets based on what they see. If you guys walked into the pool area holding hands, or arm-in-arm, spent your time there laughing and giggling and having a good time, and generally looked like a happy, in-love couple who can't get enough of each other - he'd never have hit on her in the first place.

More realistically, you two probably look like 90% of couples who have been together a while and have smaller children and are just going through the motions, so to speak. Basically, he's probably decided she's a bored housewife who may be open to a little excitement.


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## alexm

Wolf1974 said:


> Just tell your wife this makes you uncomfortable and tell her to tell him to stop. Not a nice way or a way that can be misunderstood just a straight forward STOP NOT INTERESTED. Most these types are weak guys and getting called out loudly will shut him down. If that doesn't work then you need to get loud with him.


That is a horrible idea! He already feels emasculated by this guy. He doesn't need to make his wife do the same.

I get the impression his wife isn't giving him the time of day. She's under no obligation to tell him where to stick it if she's not comfortable doing so. Some people aren't. She also doesn't sound like she's doing anything to encourage him (ie. by being overly polite). This guy is talking to her, she's responding curtly and moving on. She is under no obligation to tell him where to stick it if she doesn't feel comfortable doing so, or sees no reason to.

If he asks his wife to say something, he just looks weak. Currently, unless he's tipped his hand, he simply looks unconcerned and not threatened.

That's not a bad thing. He's apparently forgiven his wife for past infidelity and they've moved on. This shows her that he's secure and trusts her with guys like this. Now, if this was a guy their own age, who was not obviously sleazy, it might be a different story, and she'd be wondering why he wasn't mate-guarding. But this is some gross dude, 20+ years their senior who she likely wouldn't touch with a 10-foot pole regardless of the situation.


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## alexm

2ntnuf said:


> Most men don't do this at the local pool unless they have a reason to believe they have a chance. Why? They don't know you any more than you know them. You might have a gun in the car. You might be Ted Bundy and want to make a sandwich with his left arm or something.
> 
> I believe she knows him somehow. Of course I could be wrong.
> 
> What do you think? Is it possible she knows him and has given him a sample of what he could have permanently?


Always a possibility, but don't discount the fact that there are many men (and women) out there who specifically target married people as some sort of accomplishment. Makes them feel better than the BS in some sort of twisted way and inflates their ego. Even more so when the spouse is literally right there.

Here's the thing - many people in this thread have stated that the wife should have shut this guy down, cold, or at least introduce her husband (OP). While that's ideal in most situations, she's also under no obligation to do so - especially if she doesn't feel threatened.

If she's only annoyed by this, then she just wants to get away and not involve her husband OR kids. In other words, if she doesn't feel threatened or creeped out by this guy, then neither should her husband.

IMO, there's a lot of over-thinking with this issue. Yes, this guy has an interest in OP's wife, but it certainly doesn't sound as though he's an actual threat. That's up to OP. If his wife doesn't feel threatened by him in any way, and he's more of an annoyance, then she can deal with him if she chooses.

There's definitely merits to mate-guarding, but there are also times when it's really not necessary and only comes across as jealousy, or worse, lack of trust. There's also something to be said about being secure and knowing when NOT to react, and otherwise not being bothered by something.

That said, if he's being bothersome to OP and his family, then OP can get this across to him without appearing like he's threatened. Next time he approaches, just pre-emptively tell him it's family time and all of you just want to relax and enjoy the time together. There are ways of shutting people down without appearing controlling, jealous, or otherwise protective of one's spouse. In fact, in a case like this, it hammers home "family" and wanting to spend time with them, because they're important. All of them - not just one's spouse. It's a far different message than "quit talking to my wife, buddy".


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## Wolf1974

alexm said:


> That is a horrible idea! He already feels emasculated by this guy. He doesn't need to make his wife do the same.
> 
> I get the impression his wife isn't giving him the time of day. She's under no obligation to tell him where to stick it if she's not comfortable doing so. Some people aren't. She also doesn't sound like she's doing anything to encourage him (ie. by being overly polite). This guy is talking to her, she's responding curtly and moving on. She is under no obligation to tell him where to stick it if she doesn't feel comfortable doing so, or sees no reason to.
> 
> If he asks his wife to say something, he just looks weak. Currently, unless he's tipped his hand, he simply looks unconcerned and not threatened.
> 
> That's not a bad thing. He's apparently forgiven his wife for past infidelity and they've moved on. This shows her that he's secure and trusts her with guys like this. Now, if this was a guy their own age, who was not obviously sleazy, it might be a different story, and she'd be wondering why he wasn't mate-guarding. But this is some gross dude, 20+ years their senior who she likely wouldn't touch with a 10-foot pole regardless of the situation.


That's your opinion that it's a terrible idea. I happen to think that his wife shutting it down is the only real way it will end. Him stepping in undermines her and makes him look like a controlling ass. Now she does tell him firmly no and the guy continues then fine but other than that she communicates with him previously she can shut it down
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 2ntnuf

Wolf1974 said:


> That's your opinion that it's a terrible idea. I happen to think that his wife shutting it down is the only real way it will end. Him stepping in undermines her and makes him look like a controlling ass. Now she does tell him firmly no and the guy continues then fine but other than that she communicates with him previously she can shut it down
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I'm confused on all of this. When I was young, in my late teens, a guy was hitting on my girlfriend who became my *first*(edit because it wasn't my second wife, duh) wife, while I was there at her parent's house with her. 

One of her brothers came and told me. I went outside where he was at and asked to speak with him. We went around the side of the house and I jacked him up against the house with a hand on his throat and told him to leave her alone. She was my girlfriend. I made it very clear that I would beat him into submission if he didn't decide to comply with my demands.

Those were my teen years and I wasn't much afraid of things. I hadn't experienced much either. I had little to base any fear upon. 

As I grew older, I realized I can't be certain about anyone and/or my own abilities. I have taken a less aggressive stance because of that.

As I said in my post, my fantasy would be to beat the hell out of the guy. In reality, I chose to post that I'd want to get them and myself away from this guy.

Trouble with that is, it sends a message of weakness to him and my wife by showing them I can't take it, or am jealous or something else, as was stated by alexm.

I have thought, in the past, that it is her job to either tell me he is creeping her out or that she wants to leave. This doesn't always happen and sometimes it takes time for the guy to get creepy enough. Then, it's a question of why I didn't do something. Huh? Thought you were enjoying the conversation. You kept talking?

That's negative. So, I really think there is a middle ground where she tells him, though some women do not like conflict like that and will appease until it goes too far. I guess you have to know the woman you are with and you must be able to trust each other enough to say what is going on.

That means, you've handled other things successfully and this is just one more. That takes time and practice. 

I think saying something like what others have posted that isn't nasty, yet is straight to the point is best, when you know your wife or relationship partner. 

But damn, would I like to just do the wrong thing just once and get away with it to send a message. I won't though, because I'd be the guy to get in trouble and lose everything. 

I'm more conflict avoidant until or if someone really pisses me off and takes a swing at me. Then, look out. I might not be big, but you'll be glad you packed a lunch. :laugh: 

Seriously, I'm too old for this crap. I don't want to even put myself into a situation like that. I've failed at it before and just don't even want to ever be tested again. 

So, I guess I really don't know what to do.


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## phillybeffandswiss

People are currently creating scenarios to minimize how he feels. His story isn't about his wife getting hit on every day by random dudes, it isn't a few conversations once in awhile, it is not about caving a guy's face in. His wife was being polite and now the dude is continually fishing, no matter whether OP is there or not. He specifically said every time they are there he doesn't acknowledge OP being there with the family. 


I disagree he is overreacting because of one part of a sentence.



> every time we're at the pool he tries to talk to her regardless of *whether I'm there or not*


For you to know this, IMO, means your wife is holding up her end of whatever happened after the affair. She informed you of the guy and his actions. If she came to you there is more to the issue in my eyes than you overreacting. I like MC's story because, like the OP, he knew his wife was getting hit on and that was life. The two times he did address it, his wife TOLD HIM what happened. To me, this may be a passive way of OP's wife telling him to intervene. 

To me, there are three factors at work.

One, your wife cheated in the past and you are still insecure. 

Two, your wife isn't doing enough to make you feel comfortable. You noticed her nervous response, which ties back into number one for me. Have you communicated what you expect when this happens?

Three, you possibly didn't fully deal with the ramifications of the affair and it still affects you. This also ties back into number one.

If you didn't get marriage counseling or individual counseling you need some right now. You both need to learn what boundaries and other things make you uncomfortable about the opposite sex. You need to address your insecurity. Is it the guy not acknowledging you, guys hitting on your wife or is it your wife not doing enough to run him off since she had an affair? Here's the huge issue, have you told your wife where your boundaries lie? Many marriage problems, IMO, develop because someone thinks something should stop at A and their spouse thinks G is okay. It never comes up until there is a problem and by this point resentment, anger and control are already in play.


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## TAMAT

Atonement,

Find out who the guy is, take pictures of him talking with your W, expose him to the world.

A good looking young guy at the church my W went to had inappropriate contact with my W, I sent his fiance a message through facebook, it put a quick stop to it.

Tamat


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## phillybeffandswiss

I like what you did, but I did laugh a bit at your advice. You told him to expose to the world and then say how you talked to someone in private messages.


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## TX-SC

I see no real issue here. The person being disrespected here is your wife as much as you. Your wife should be talking you up, not just blowing this off. If some woman did this to me, disrespecting my wife in the process, the first thing I'd say is, "I'm just having fun with the most awesome woman in the world, my wife!"


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## SunCMars

Wolf1974 said:


> So the mature way then
> 
> Good luck with that lol


I wish you were right. Civility is always the Desired response.

In the instance, sadly, you are not . We live among savages. 

Sounds like you are a suit and tie type guy. That serves you well with reaping the rewards in this competitive world.

On the streets telling the wife to Handle Him, is a weak sister response, hence, impotent. 

Good luck with that.....back at ya!

When dealing with *mature* people deal with them rationally and *maturely*.

When dealing with Bullies,Thugs and Neanderthals deal them up Fearful Consequences.

Getting in their face will likely deter them.

I guarantee your wife will respect you A LOT MORE when you STAND UP for her.

Hopefully, you do not have to make a habit of this aggressiveness!​


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## *Deidre*

Why doesn't your wife just...ignore him? Why are we always so worried about offending strangers, so much so that we'll offend our loved ones instead? Or she should say, I don't really want to talk anymore, take care...and move on. If he stalks her, then call the police. But, usually just ignoring unwanted flirtations and conversations...works.


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## Wolf1974

SunCMars said:


> I wish you were right. Civility is always the Desired response.
> 
> In the instance, sadly, you are not . We live among savages.
> 
> Sounds like you are a suit and tie type guy. That serves you well with reaping the rewards in this competitive world.
> 
> On the streets telling the wife to Handle Him, is a weak sister response, hence, impotent.
> 
> Good luck with that.....back at ya!
> 
> When dealing with *mature* people deal with them rationally and *maturely*.
> 
> When dealing with Bullies,Thugs and Neanderthals deal them up Fearful Consequences.
> 
> Getting in their face will likely deter them.
> 
> I guarantee your wife will respect you A LOT MORE when you STAND UP for her.
> 
> Hopefully, you do not have to make a habit of this aggressiveness!​




If he was capable of any of that it would have been done already. But think what you want. Try doing the crazy thing to the wrong person and you'll be dealt with. Seen it happen often. 

People should do what they are confident in doing not posturing something they aren't​


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## alexm

TX-SC said:


> I see no real issue here. The person being disrespected here is your wife as much as you. Your wife should be talking you up, not just blowing this off. If some woman did this to me, disrespecting my wife in the process, the first thing I'd say is, "I'm just having fun with the most awesome woman in the world, my wife!"





*Deidre* said:


> Why doesn't your wife just...ignore him? Why are we always so worried about offending strangers, so much so that we'll offend our loved ones instead? Or she should say, I don't really want to talk anymore, take care...and move on. If he stalks her, then call the police. But, usually just ignoring unwanted flirtations and conversations...works.


Fully agree with these responses.

The thing is, often these scenarios can somewhat spiral out of control before you know it. What started as nothing turns into something. Some people simply aren't capable of being icy right off the bat, or see no need to, or are simply conflict-avoidant. Especially when something starts out as a non-threat.

The problem is that some of these people will see this as an open door. So either this guy is an idiot and doesn't read that she's not interested, or he's taken it as a challenge. Or perhaps she was friendly with him prior to her recognizing what he was doing. There's nothing wrong with being friendly with somebody. We can't all go through life thinking that if somebody is talking to us, they must want to bang us. If that's in the back of your mind, fine. But the reality is, many of us don't think that way. I don't think that if a woman smiles at me, or talks to me, or is nice to me, then she must want to bang me. In some of my experiences, they have, but I don't go around thinking that that's the case every time.

I liken it a lot to door-to-door sales people. Some of you out there shut them down immediately. "No thanks" *closes door in their face. Some of you are polite, listen to the pitch, and wait for a chance to say you're not interested. Some people are even apologetic towards them, and wish them luck.

Basically, everybody's different in how they handle situations and it's personality-dependant, and situation-dependant. It's disingenuous to put the blame on either party here for how they've handled this situation.


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## bandit.45

Telling him to stand up to this guy and ghet in his face is all well and good. But he also needs to expect that this guy could be a martial artist, boxer or practiced street thug. I'm all for standing your ground, but expect to take a beating too.


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## Wolf1974

bandit.45 said:


> Telling him to stand up to this guy and ghet in his face is all well and good. But he also needs to expect that this guy could be a martial artist, boxer or practiced street thug. I'm all for standing your ground, but expect to take a beating too.


Exactly 


It's pretty easy to suggest violence or acting tough while sitting behind a keyboard suggesting it and not doing it.

And I bet that if his wife or kids were threatened he will defend them physically since that's a natural instinct. But if he was capable of intimidating a guy he would have done it by now.


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## EllisRedding

Honestly OP, next time (and every time after) he confronts your W I would do a role reversal and start hitting on him ...


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## EunuchMonk

EllisRedding said:


> Honestly OP, next time (and every time after) he confronts your W I would do a role reversal and start hitting on him ...


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## Wolf1974

EllisRedding said:


> Honestly OP, next time (and every time after) he confronts your W I would do a role reversal and start hitting on him ...


Best avatar yet!!!


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## NoChoice

OP,
I believe my response would be to step between my wife and the gentleman, extend my hand and say "I don't believe we've met, I'm _______". Then begin a conversation discussing how uncomfortable your wife is having strange men talk to her and ask that he not add to her discomfort. He will most likely not wish to have a lengthy discourse with you and will probably move along.


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## jorgegene

bandit.45 said:


> Telling him to stand up to this guy and ghet in his face is all well and good. But he also needs to expect that this guy could be a martial artist, boxer or practiced street thug. I'm all for standing your ground, but expect to take a beating too.


this.

i've been in numerous situations where a fight was imminent. i will fight if i absolutely have to, but i assess the situation. i get my pissed off face on. that sometimes keeps things from escalating. and i know things could turn bad. fighting is a last resort. you could even die or get busted up real bad. 

one more thought: nothing is more annoying to a player or 'fisherman' than his target constantly mentioning her husband/boyfriend.


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## bandit.45

My luck is that I would go to stand up for my woman and end up picking a fight with Ip Man.


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## TAMAT

phillybeffandswiss said:


> I like what you did, but I did laugh a bit at your advice. You told him to expose to the world and then say how you talked to someone in private messages.


Philly,

Had he not been in his early 20's I would have more widely exposed, he was more like a guy who never matured past the good looking teenager phase. He had gotten used to good looking women being physical with him and I think he was completely unaware of the consequences his actions have on the boy friend or husband. 

Given his age and the fact that he only kissed my W on the cheek and misc. weirdness I let it go. 

I'm not sure what the attentions of a younger, better looking and taller young man had on my W, but I'm sure it didn't do wonders for her attraction to me.

Within that church there was a group of young people who were very touchy with each other. Isn't a handshake enough?

To be honest I've never felt safe with my W going to church alone after this and other incidents at that church. 

Tamat


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## Atonement

Haha wow, tons of feedback guys...thanks!

To clear some things up....

1. Concerning my wifes past affair...I'm over it. I have zero worries about her being unfaithful and she knows that if she is, it's over. This has more to do with my ego and feeling disrespected I suppose. 

2. I feel like an alpha who turned beta. I've become far to passive in my older age, I avoid conflict unless my patience runs thin (which takes a lot). When I was in my 20's I was down to fight anyone and often did...I was quite a sh*thead. When my wife had her affair I was ready to beat the guys a$$ baseball bat in hand (dumba$$). Now that I've "matured", married and have two kids, I'm I'm just not that aggressive. Low testosterone maybe? As far as things getting physical with creepy pool guy, I'm honestly not that worried. I have a background in jujitsu and pretty confident I could deal with him easily. For me, it's more mental. When he called her "mommy", I just didn't know how to react and froze. Thinking to myself "really is this guy serious?". 

3. As far as my wife not handling it correctly, I agree and have spoken to her about it. She agrees and said she'll do better. Looking back, the main thing was her not acknowledging me when he talked to her. I guess he caught her (and myself) off guard. The thing with this guy is that he's real subtle about the way he tries to talk my wife. He walks that line of just being friendly and being a creep. Outside of the "mommy" comment, he isn't blatantly sexual or asking her on date...nothing of that sort. He basically just attempts to have bullsh*t small talk with her and completely ignores me. We've never said a word to each other. 

Here's some more background info:

They first "met", when my wife and another random woman (super hot chick, who was separated from her husband) were talking poolside. I wasn't there originally, but by the time I showed up to the pool he was talking to them both. My wife left the two of them alone and she came to sit with me. She told me he was a creep and trying hard to hook up with the other girl. Eventually I'm pretty sure he did as we saw them hanging out at the pool the next weekend. Haven't seen her since, guessing she went back to her husband. 

Some more info on the last situation (my original post). After floating up to my wife and saying "hey mommy" while my kids and I were right there. He started to talk to her about how someone stole his stuff at the pool blah blah...and my wife basically just ignored him after her initial "ohh hey". He floated his lonely a$$ down to the other end of the pool while I spent time playing with my wife and kids. So I feel like he got the idea to f*** off. 

Regardless, I'm pretty ashamed with myself and how I handled it. I was super "beta". My wife is more then willing to tell him to f**k off and not to talk to her anymore. But I feel like it's on me now. I'd feel like sh*t if she handles it the next time he tries to approach her and I just sit there. He's out "manned" thus far and I completely agree with what others have said...a woman wants her man to be protective. So I need to step it up and do my job.


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## Anon Pink

I skimmed the first 40 posts.

OP you are making something totally insignificant into a mountain! 

1. Get involved in the conversation, don't wait for him to talk to you. You're being passive and that's not attractive. When dipsh!t says "hey mommy..." You laugh and say "Hey bud, mom says you didn't do your chores so you better get right on that." 

2. Don't whine to your wife about Romeo and expect her to shut it down. That's being insecure and that's not attractive. Tell your wife you're uncomfortable with this guy and make sure she agrees on some ground rules like he doesn't sit with you, doesn't stand closer than 3 feet...etc.

There's no need to fight him, no need to act like he's going to steal your wife away. But if you notice him being disrespectful to your wife you had better be ready to get in front of that.

The guy sounds like a d0uchebag, don't assume your wife isn't well aware of this.


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## Atonement

Anon Pink said:


> I skimmed the first 40 posts.
> 
> OP you are making something totally insignificant into a mountain!
> 
> 1. Get involved in the conversation, don't wait for him to talk to you. You're being passive and that's not attractive. When dipsh!t says "hey mommy..." You laugh and say "Hey bud, mom says you didn't do your chores so you better get right on that."
> 2. Don't whine to your wife about Romeo and expect her to shut it down. That's being insecure and that's not attractive. Tell your wife you're uncomfortable with this guy and make sure she agrees on some ground rules like he doesn't sit with you, doesn't stand closer than 3 feet...etc.
> 
> There's no need to fight him, no need to act like he's going to steal your wife away. But if you notice him being disrespectful to your wife you had better be ready to get in front of that.
> 
> The guy sounds like a d0uchebag, don't assume your wife isn't well aware of this.


I agree. Trust me I wish I had a time machine. I thought of plenty of great lines after the fact. "hey mommy..." You laugh and say "Hey bud, mom says you didn't do your chores so you better get right on that."....is a great one 

It's a hit to my manhood more then anything, I'll be prepared next time. "Hey daddy, where's ur wife and kids?" (Pretty sure he's got a wife and child, he was at the pool once with a woman and child).


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## Anon Pink

Atonement said:


> I agree. Trust me I wish I had a time machine. I thought of plenty of great lines after the fact. "hey mommy..." You laugh and say "Hey bud, mom says you didn't do your chores so you better get right on that."....is a great one
> 
> It's a hit to my manhood more then anything, I'll be prepared next time. "Hey daddy, where's ur wife and kids?" (Pretty sure he's got a wife and child, he was at the pool once with a woman and child).


Exactly! Any man who called me Mommy would be sent to his room with no supper!

Don't beat yourself up over it. Now you will be prepared.


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## VladDracul

In a situation like you describe, its hard to know the point where you need to step in and defend your wife's honor. After more than five decades of relationships with women I've developed this rule of thumb. First, the lady needs to reject any unwanted advances. Second, the man (husband) steps in. In case you ever wonder what they call a woman whose husband punches out guys who make passes at her its a widow.


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## JohnA

You where in a no win situation. React and it's "I SM a grown woman and can handie myself. I am not a child don't treat me like one". Dont react and it's "really you let a man treat me like this?". But it in those turns in a conversation with your wife and ask her for her input.


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## Atonement

VladDracul said:


> In a situation like you describe, its hard to know the point where you need to step in and defend your wife's honor. After more than five decades of relationships with women I've developed this rule of thumb. First, the lady needs to reject any unwanted advances. Second, the man (husband) steps in. In case you ever wonder what they call a woman whose husband punches out guys who make passes at her its a widow.


That's exactly right. The problem is I didn't know when you intervene. They've talked previously and he feels like she's friendly enough to approach and talk too. He's not overtly sexual or anything, but it's pretty obvious he's trying to hit on her. He just continues to try and chat her up and completely ignores me. Although the "mommy" comment was out of line and that was the moment I should have stepped in. Like I said, wish I had a time machine, but I'm probably overreacting. 



JohnA said:


> You where in a no win situation. React and it's "I SM a grown woman and can handie myself. I am not a child don't treat me like one". Dont react and it's "really you let a man treat me like this?". But it in those turns in a conversation with your wife and ask her for her input.


Agreed. Kind of how I felt. It pissed me off she didnt handle it, then it pissed me off more when I didn't handle it. I've talked to her though and she has no problem telling him to leave her alone. I still feel like now it falls on me to deal with him though and I need to step it up.


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## JohnA

Hi Atonement. 

Did she discuss the issue of no win I brought up or just say I will handie it? 

You have grown from 2012. You have stop reacted in ways that are self defeating. Now it is about growing and learning how to react and handie theses situations as an adult. 

I read your thread from 2012 and you stop posting before you reconciled. Did you rug sweep? While you have grown, has she and how does it show? You explained how her mother left her, her dad turned her into a slave, that she was sexually involved with both men and woman. How she address these issues and what has the result been? 

Take care

John


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## Atonement

JohnA said:


> Hi Atonement.
> 
> Did she discuss the issue of no win I brought up or just say I will handie it?
> 
> You have grown from 2012. You have stop reacted in ways that are self defeating. Now it is about growing and learning how to react and handie theses situations as an adult.
> 
> I read your thread from 2012 and you stop posting before you reconciled. Did you rug sweep? While you have grown, has she and how does it show? You explained how her mother left her, her dad turned her into a slave, that she was sexually involved with both men and woman. How she address these issues and what has the result been?
> 
> Take care
> 
> John



Hey John, (my names not atonement, apparently my account was hacked)

She said she'll handle it if it happens again. 

My problem is I'm a super laid back guy....it takes a lot to set me off. Usually with guys like him I do ignore it and let her handle it. But this guy hasn't gotten the hint. I have no worries about her being unfaithful...she knows the consequences if she ever is again. I'm not going through that again. 

Honestly, our reconciliation took a lot of work. I constantly had triggers and would get angry. But time heals all wounds I suppose. Eventually we cam to an understanding with one another. No I def did not rug sweep. I did originally and learned from my mistakes. What happened in 2012 was hell no doubt and the few years that followed as well. I think our marriage is stronger now more then it ever has been though. It wasn't easy, but we both learned a lot from that situation.


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## JohnA

So the issue of her family of origin (FOO) is being dealt with? Note I said "being". FOO issues are a life time issues, but can be dealt with. Her behavior in 2012 is not uncommon for woman with a history of CSA or FOO issues. The actions can be a form of self loathing and punishment, not unlike cutting. If your wife is not bi-sexual than her interaction with other girls was actually a form of self degration. 

I am bringing these points up for a sound reason. The past is our future unless we change the our behavior. Your current issue at hand is actual not huge, but may be used as a stalking horse for unresolved issues. Please consider this, no need to post a reply, but let us know if you will consider it.


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## Atonement

You bring up some valid points John. I agree that a person's past heavily dictates their future...and perhaps this insignificant issue could be a precursor for things to come. Professionally...not she hasn't "dealt" with her FOO. But I'd like to think she's learned from the hell we both experienced during her affair. But I suppose like any addict, it's easy to slip back into bad choices. At this point, like I've said, I'm not worried about that. If she's ever unfaithful again I'm done with her completely and she knows that. No way in hell I'd go through that again.


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## JohnA

Yes she has learned from it. Yes you know what you will do if she does. BUT learning what happens, knowing it you will leave will not stop her if her demons come back. That is the issue. The question is how can you help her. Then question is will she acknowledge her issues and will she let you help her? 

I know I am pushing you. That this is not why you returned here. I don't want a marrage destroyed that could be great. 

If your insuance will pay for it you should find a professional with experience and work with them.


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## Spotthedeaddog

If your wife won't show him the "**** off signals" then everything you do will make you look like a ****.

You can jump, threaten, call cops, report to manager, even punch him out.... but if you missus is sending blokes who call out like aholes, a positive _or_passive_ response then she IS encouraging the behavior. And it doesn't matter what you do, short of running him off physically like some stick waving primate, they won't listen to you and she won't respect you.

SHE has to give him the NOT INTERESTED signals - it is perfectly possible to flirt and still give off the NOT INTERESTED signals. 

If she's pretty and she doesn't know those signals then she's a serious attention wh..e and well you bought a bad horse. sorry, sucks to be you.

Once she sends the silent message, THEN you can go up and tell him to: stop bothering YOUR wife and family , and that it is clearly not appreciated, and that you will escalate it if he doesn't clear off or stop being a nuisance. 

The "kiss her" option might work in the hood, in formal set dance pieces, or in lower class bars - but in generally that's just a property challenge to the other male (thus _encouraging_ him to piss on your wifes leg whenever he gets the chance)


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## 2ntnuf

Yep, spot. That's what I think John A. is trying to tell him. If she wants the attention, she will have it. If she doesn't say something to protect her marriage, she wants the attention. Since she has a history of affairs and doing things that satisfy her needs to justify she is a piece of **** due to her family of origin treating her badly, she needs some counseling and constant work throughout the rest of her life with the help of Atonement to keep her from thinking she isn't worth much.

Good luck Atonement. I wish I would have researched your history. This is a very difficult situation. I think John A. is correct. Get her help. Get yourself some help. This will end badly if you do not.

What a mess. Good luck Atonement. You are stronger than I could ever be. Even just attempting this is way over my abilities.


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## JohnA

To some degree yes. Woman are rarely as upfront in these situations as there is a large size difference so guys keep pushing. The worst thing they can do is giggle and say politely decline. That is like waving a red cape in front of a bull. So no I think atonement is right when he says no way with this guy. Instead I suggested he speak with her saying he was concerned this guy was a jerk and is there anything he could do to help her. 

He needs to be careful to avoid a "he said - she heard" situation. She could very well take/taken what ever he said/says as him throwing the past in her face and react negativity. 

What I am suggesting is that at some point in the future she might self-destruct.


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## Fitnessfan

Everytime I get unwanted attention from a man, the absolutely easiest thing to make them go away is to talk about my husband constantly. I mean every sentence is about him, refers to him, gushes about him. No matter what the man says, I bring it back to my hubby. No-one will go after a woman who makes it absolutely clear she is head over heels for her man. It's so easy and painless.


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