# snooping and confrontation



## butternutsquash

Hi everyone, I am sure i am going to leave a lot of details out of this story but i would sure appreciate your opinions anyway. 

Ok here we go. A little over a year ago my wife slept with someone else. Since then i have snooped on her. A lot at first and not as much recently. 

Over the past year it has also come out that for a time she doubted weather she made the right choice b/t me and her ex (who seems to have still wanted her for a good while after we got together). 

It also, came out that she talked to her friends about this but never talked to me even though i could tell something was wrong. This made me VERY mad. 

Recently, we got into a little spat and in my anger i decided to check her browsing history. I saw that she was looking at picture of her ex through his brother's facebook and his sister in laws tumbler accounts. 

I do not like this. I think he should be dead to her at this point. 

I think i am going to confront her about it. Good idea? Bad idea? Advice?


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## wifeiam

I think when you cheat on your spouse you give up your right to privacy or instant trust if you want to show them you have really changed you should be an open book so no, I don't think you were wrong to check. Talk about it, it will bring it to a head one way or the other.


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## butternutsquash

wifeiam said:


> I think when you cheat on your spouse you give up your right to privacy or instant trust if you want to show them you have really changed you should be an open book so no, I don't think you were wrong to check. Talk about it, it will bring it to a head one way or the other.



Thank you, i guess one of my main questions is, is it alright to feel like this guy needs to be dead to her? I know she never cheated with him and despite what i think of him I'm sure he was nice to her etc.


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## artlady

Doesn't matter if he was nice, etc. You have every right to feel he should be dead to her. She's with *you*, and shouldn't be looking up exes. They don't have kids, right? So, I don't see how she has a valid reason.

FWIW, my H and his ex (first girl he slept with) looked each other up over the years, and it led to an EA, then a PA. So I definitely know where things like this can lead.

If you do confront (and I do think you should), I'd advise to do it rationally, and make sure you have your proof right there. Good luck.


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## Dad&Hubby

Why do you still want to be with her? Seriously.

I know the lines "I know what she did, but I love her so much etc. etc.".

In a GOOD HEALTHY relationship, you love the content of the person AND their actions. Your wife's actions are ABYSMAL to you. 

She's obviously not that into you. Not enough to stop wondering "what could've been?" Those thoughts of lost love and keep the lost love in your heart are great in the movie "Titanic" but are truly GARBAGE in real life.


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## butternutsquash

Dad&Hubby said:


> Why do you still want to be with her? Seriously.
> 
> I know the lines "I know what she did, but I love her so much etc. etc.".
> 
> In a GOOD HEALTHY relationship, you love the content of the person AND their actions. Your wife's actions are ABYSMAL to you.
> 
> She's obviously not that into you. Not enough to stop wondering "what could've been?" Those thoughts of lost love and keep the lost love in your heart are great in the movie "Titanic" but are truly GARBAGE in real life.


I should have left her long ago. I turned into her nurse instead of being her husband and i let her away with murder. Many things have gotten better, including her general stability, and i think it can come around 180


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