# Deployed.. wife had EA and is falling out of love.



## Mustang! (Jan 17, 2011)

So this is going to be a long one. I am in the USAF and currently deployed to Afghanistan. Before I left I knew there was a 0% chance of anything happening. We have had a great marriage so far. We are both young and have only been married for 2 years and we have 2 kids. 

So I've been here for about 2 months now.. The worst 2 months of my entire life. From day one since I got here I noticed a huge change in my relationship. I was being loving and affectionate but I was not getting any back in return. Normally she is very affectionate but suddenly everything stopped. She stopped calling me baby, stopped reaching out to me, even stopped saying I love you unless I said it first. I looked online trying to find an answer as to why she would be doing this. We talked about it and she said she is just upset about me leaving. Also she is pushing me away while I'm gone so it doesn’t hurt so bad. I also thought she might have had some resentment for me volunteering to deploy. These are all normal problems with military spouses and I figured they would blow over with some support from me and her friends. Well they didn’t.. Everything just got worse.

In the following weeks the lack of affection continued. It was killing me. She is my only escape from this horrible place and I was getting nothing from her. When we would email I would send her long email about how much I miss her and the kids, and what I'm doing here, and I would try to be sympathetic to her situation. I know it is very difficult on military spouses when their husbands leave but this was starting to look and feel like something was more wrong. When she would reply it would be in short generic responses that had no feeling or emotion. This killed me every time I would reach out to her and get nothing back. I tried to talk to her about how her attitude was hurting me but she said she just can’t get "mushy". Even though that’s what I need.

This continued on for a few more weeks. Slowly everything I thought about my marriage was being ripped away. The only way I can describe the feeling is how Jesus felt on the cross when god left him. I felt so forsaken and abandoned. And worst of all I felt like she didn’t even care what she was doing to me. 

I started to get a feeling. This gut feeling was horrible. I knew she was cheating or had cheated but I didn’t know the details. I told her how I felt and asked her to just tell me. Dragging it out would only make things worse. I thought maybe it was just because she was relying more heavily on her friend for support and in the process she was abandoning me in Afghanistan. She agreed and told me she had started to get to be friends with a guy named brad. He's a guy in my unit back home but we only knew each other through other friends. When my wife started to hand out with them more she started talking to him too. I sensed that this was going on and I asked her if anything else happened. I figured maybe she was feeling vulnerable and kissed him or something.. Or worse maybe she had sex with him. But she assured me that nothing had happened. I did not believe her at all... I still had that gut feeling that was screaming at me every day that she was lying to my face and cheating. 

So the lack of emotion continued on a few more days until I got fed up. I just could not handle it anymore. I hacked into her email accounts and face book (she had changed the passwords) and it was all there. Tons of email between her and brad And I noticed that the emails started about a week after I left.
I was so crushed but I thought maybe it was nothing.. maybe she is just talking to him as a friend.. NOPE, they were talking to each other like boyfriend and girlfriend. Nothing sexual but not in a way you would talk to a friend. He would say how happy he is that he found her and she would say he makes her so happy. And they would call each other baby and honey. Everything that I was missing and craving was all being given to some POS who just walks a few weeks after I leave. All the affection and love was being given to this guy. She would send him pictures of herself trying on clothes at the mall (none were naked) and other things and he would comment on how beautiful she is.. Every time I opened another email it felt like I was getting stabbed in the chest. She was having an emotional affair. Suddenly I became meaningless and unimportant. I thought I was her man.. I thought I was her would and it all came crashing down. Suddenly I was a nobody. 

I immediately called her. She said sorry for not responding to my email but someone had hacked her accounts. To which I was very happy to say that was me. Anything in there you think I shouldn’t see? She got silent and knew she was caught. I blew up on her and she broke down. She confessed everything and felt pretty horrible about it. Apparently it all started after she was feeling pretty down about me leaving. And she was feeling some resentment. Then she started talking with brad and eventually the conversations got longer and more in depth etc etc.. She told me that they had kissed but nothing else had happened. I asked for all the details about whets she was doing with him and she told me everything. He went with her to the store sometimes and to the dealership to get the car fixed. He would even come over to my house to hang out with her and my kids. She said she would break it off with him and tell him that they would not be hanging out anymore. He was reluctant but he agreed. He felt pretty bad about F***** me over but also knew that I could ruin his world if I went to my chain of command about this. 

So they did stop talking and they only see each other in passing since they have the same group of friends. He is not in the picture anymore be all this just opened up Pandora’s box. It became evident that she had the EA because she is falling out of love with me. I asked her over and over again what I did and she said there was nothing I did wrong. I am an amazing and wonderful husband but its something that’s wrong with her. How could I not notice this before I left?? Anyways I know this is wrong but I have been asking for answers as to why and what did I do and all she can say is I don’t know. She says she doesn’t know how to fix this but she says she wants to. But at the same time she won’t open up to me. I send long email about How I feel and how I think we can fix this and I all I get are half ass responses hat don’t even address the major points of my emails. She says she want to work it out but is making no attempt at all.

Anyways this has been going on for almost a month now. I found out on Dec 23. I have been desperately trying to work things out but everything I do seems to push her away more. Needless to say I am very torn up and extremely depressed so it’s hard for me.. But it’s as if she doesn’t even want to attempt to save our marriage. She says she loves me and wants me to be happy.. But I don’t think it would bother her at all if I found someone else. I have asked her if she wants to be the one to make me happy and she can’t give me a straight answer. All I get from her is I don’t know and I don’t know what to do and I'm so sorry for everything. Basically all she has said is that she does love me but she also thinks she is falling out of love with me.. and That she put a distance between us even before I left and now she doest know how to get it back. She is not even sure if she wants to get it back. I love my wife so much and this is killing. I wake up every day and pray that this is all just a nightmare. I want to fix all this so bad but I feel like everything I do just makes it worse.. I know we would be able to work this out if I was home but I still have 4 months to go. That seems like an eternity now.. By the time I get back I don’t think there will be a marriage left to save.

I’m sorry that was so long.. I know there is probably more that I’m missing but I don’t want to put a months worth of stuff here. This is my first time posting so I hope this works..


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

Mustang! said:


> He would even come over to my house to hang out with her and my kids. She said she would break it off with him and tell him that they would not be hanging out anymore. He was reluctant but he agreed. He felt pretty bad about F***** me over but also knew that I could ruin his world if I went to my chain of command about this.
> 
> So they did stop talking and they only see each other in passing since they have the same group of friends.


I would not be so sure that all has ended. This guy has no honor, intruding on a fellow soldier's marriage. I think you ought to go to your chain of command. Tell the truth.

And as for your wife?

She is blowing sunshine up your skirt -- still.

I am sorry this is happening to you while deployed. I hope you are safe and well until you can get home and deal with this.


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## LonelyNLost (Dec 11, 2010)

I'm so sorry you're going through this and have to deal with it in such a high stress environment thousands of miles away. Truly powerless.  It's amazing the damage an EA can do, somehow even more damaging than a PA in some cases. It's so hard to get past. The "love you but not in love with you" is classic EA lingo. I wouldn't be so sure they cut contact. She just might be doing it via other technology. I know you want to work it out and do all in your power to save the marriage, but she isn't a position where she has to "face the situation". I wish there were someway for you to go home for a bit. I've been through this, and it's hard when you're the one who's the victim but you're the one willing to save the marriage and forgive. And let me tell you, the forgiving is easy, it's the moving forward and trusting that is really hard. 

Do you have any mutual friends that you trust with this situation? You need to vent to someone and let them know. I've seen suggestions about blowing something like this way out into the open. Posting on his and her facebook pages that they are in a forbidden relationship and you, as her husband, do not approve. But I don't know how realistic that is, and at the same time it is sort of demeaning and embarrassing. 

Part of me wonders what would happen if you didn't contact her for a bit. Would she feel remorseful? Contact you?


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## jamesa (Oct 22, 2010)

I think that your post touched me more than any other I have read on this forum. I am sorry for what you are going through. You are paying a high price.

Can you get some kind of compassionate leave? I would also suggest some counseling, Is that sort of thing available in the USAF? I don't think that you should go through this without some help and support. At the very least make sure both your families know.

Good luck.


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

Mustang, 

I've have people I consider dear friends who are military families, and I've known people who died in the sand and the whole family fell apart after that, so I'm not gonna just pass by and let your post go unanswered.

As I bet you know by now, you've got a lot to learn and you'll have to play a little catch up. If you have time, I want you to read as much as you can on our website, but start with How Do Most Affairs Start? to get a quick idea how this happens. I'm sure you can understand that being apart from you and in a position where you could be killed puts her in the position of backing off a little to sort of protect herself...but that's bad for a marriage. And my guess is that it all snowballed from there.

After that page, read Love Extinguishers--What are they?  and Love Kindlers--What are they? to learn to understand the things you did to make love flame in the first place...and to learn about the things that extinguished the blaze of love. These are the things you can work on! 

Also bear something in mind. She's pretty young. As a person matures sometimes they develop patience, commitment, delayed gratification and traits like that which she still may be working on. Also lots of times people hear from friends or family that "they deserve to be happy" ...but you're GONE and of course she's not happy and she's lonely! So see what I mean? There are lots of mixed messages that might confuse her or convince her that if she doesn't feel all warm and smooshy "right now" that she's falling out of love, whereas in real life, if she could mature a little and work on keeping that close connection, she could feel love again! 

So read up and let us know when you've gotten that far okay? And yeah--I know you're busy.


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## disbelief (Oct 31, 2010)

Mustang, Have you used your chain of command First Sergeant up through commander etc.??
I believe under UCMJ adultery is punishable and if this is someone in your unit use the system, use the regs thats why they exist in the military. You are at an advantage over someone civillian side. This can effect morale, unit cohesion and overall readiness therfore your unit member who is involved with her should at the least be in trouble especially if he is active duty not reserve. 
What about emergency leave from your deployment. Remember there are waivers and exceptions to every rule. Special situations. The military overall is putting a focus on trying to save marriages. Goto the chaplain he/she is your best start there. Whatever position you are in you need to report to your chain of command your readiness is at risk your head is not in the game. Your head is state side. 
Use your chain of command!!
Supervisor, First Sergeant, Commander, Chaplain, Command Chief, so on and so forth. You could be home in a week depending on the command staff.
Chaplain first if you are not comfortable talking about it that can be in confidence.
Good luck 
I am military PM me if you want.


PS: If you get emergency leave, personally I would not warn her you were coming. But arrive home with a friend as well. A third party just in case.


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## mama4jesus (Sep 13, 2010)

My first thought was that you're not going to be able to continue doing your job safely over there if you're an emotional wreck! Some way, somehow, you've got to do like the Marines do, suck it up and go on. It's harsh, but you've got 4 months left, and you have to stay focused on your safety and the safety of the others that are there with you.

I think you should back off and leave this issue alone for a while. I know it's driving you crazy, but you pushing and pushing her through emails, phone conversations, whatever, isn't helping. Like you said, she's going further away from you instead of trying to talk about it. 

Tell her that you're going to give her time to think about things, and that right now you have to focus on the mission at hand in Afghanistan. When you do write or talk, keep it light and happy and talk about the children, and maybe start making some plans for something fun to do as a family when you return. Vacation, or visit relatives, etc. 

I understand that at this point trusting her will be difficult, but if she says the EA is over, please try and believe her. Four months will fly by quickly, and you can get home and go from there. But you've got an important job to do right now. Keep focused and get the job done right and get home safely. 

Praying for you and those you are serving with.


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## Mustang! (Jan 17, 2011)

Thanks everyone for the responses. I dont not have any desire to blow this out in the open.. like LonelyNLost said that can be very demeaning and that would be a sure way to push her away for good.

I truesly do not believe she is still talking to him.. but sometimes my mind does go to dark places I think she is. I am not really in a position to catch her agian if it was happening so I'm forced to be trusting. She is smart enough to just make another acount if she was going to take this underground but I know she is not a vindctive person. 

As far as letting my chain of command back home know I dont think I will. This guy is also in a very bad marriage and while I would still love to get my hands around his neck.. I can understand why he did it. He's going to a new station in 2 months so he will be out of the picture. He and I both know that I can ruin his military career and posibly have him dishonerable discharged for adultry. My wife told me that is his number one fear beside me comming after him so I dont think he's stupid enough to keep in contact. 

I am going to try to talk to someone here though. I am very doubtful It will get me a trip home but that would be amazing. I'm getting better about giving her space but its only been one month.. so I'm still very messed up and senstative. I hate that she's the one who hurt me.. but it seems like all I need righ now is her. I feel like a pretty big chump for feeling like that. 

I forgot to mention that she is having second thought about marriage in general. She feels like she needs to do her own thing for a while. If me being deployed isnt enough then I dont know what is. But she said that she knows being married to me is the best thing for her.. but that feeling of needing to leave and expirience another life is still in her mind. Pretty much like Eat Prey Love.


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## Mustang! (Jan 17, 2011)

Also, I get the feeling that if I left it alone she would not come to me. I asked her how she would feel if I just moved on found someone new and she said it might hurt a little but she would be happy for me. I dont know if she's guiltly and wants me to be happy.. or if she really doesnt care who i'm with. Although she has said she doesn not want a divorce because she cant lose me. She needs me in her life. Any thoughts on that?


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

She "needs" you for the money and stability. She "wants" something else, and I think she wants the best of both worlds.
Personally, I would have been to his CO or 1SGT the minute I found out. What was more important, his career, or your family? True, he'll be gone in a little while, but, the military is a steady supply of more men, and she'd just go on to another.


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## Oft (Dec 30, 2010)

I agree with everyone on here that said to expose the affair. Go up the chain of command and expose this guy. It sounds to me like the affair is still going on. Until you expose him, it will continue to go on. Just my opinion.


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## jamesa (Oct 22, 2010)

Expose him and her.


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## MisguidedMiscreant (Dec 28, 2010)

I understand "turning the other cheek," I do it more times than I should myself but, even if they never got physical, this guy [email protected] you. I'd report him and dropkick her out of your life, she had to know that you'd leave being military so that "lonely" thing is no excuse, I doubt this would be the last time if you're ever deployed again. I never understood why anyone would cheat on someone in the military, these guys are trained to [email protected] people up.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

How old were you two when you got married? How old are you now?


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

F-102 said:


> She "needs" you for the money and stability. She "wants" something else, and I think she wants the best of both worlds.
> Personally, I would have been to his CO or 1SGT the minute I found out. What was more important, his career, or your family? True, he'll be gone in a little while, but, the military is a steady supply of more men, and she'd just go on to another.


:iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree:


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## MisguidedMiscreant (Dec 28, 2010)

Another word on the OM, from what you posted, he doesn't sound remorseful that he [email protected] over a fellow soldier. He sounds more afraid of the repercussions on his career so I'd definitely report him. Also, does the term "Jody" still apply if the person's fellow military?


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

"Jody is in your pad,
your kids are callin' him Dad-
Sound off!"


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## Mustang! (Jan 17, 2011)

Well there has been some serious development with my situation. Turns out you guys were right.. The affair was still going on. I have been feeling that she was still talking to this guy because she has still been acting cold and unaffectionate since I caught her the first time.. But I guess I just didn’t want to believe it. After I did some reading on here I noticed my situation sounds a lot like so many others on here and that she must still be cheating. 

This new realization brought back all the horrible feeling from the first day I found out. It was like day one all over again.. I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t think or talk and I had trouble breathing. I am very ashamed to say that I thought suicide would be a better option. I put my weapon under my chin and felt so relieved that I had the power to end all the horrible feelings. But I couldn’t do it.. 

I just kept thinking of my kids. And how much I miss them. And I started thinking that maybe I was just over reacting again, maybe she's just still confused or something. So I talked myself down enough to wait until the next day when I could do some digging (This was 2 days ago BTW)

So yesterday I checked the phone records online and I was absolutely devastated to see multiple call to and from the OM phone. Each one lasting anywhere from 2 minutes to an hour. II could only imagine what was said during these calls.. 

So I called her and told her she needed to tell me the last time she talked to him. She started to say some sh*t like Oh it’s been a wh- Then I cut her off. I said before you say anything, You better assume I already know the answer. Then with extreme agitation in her voice she said yesterday (My birthday). I had so many questions. Like why she was doing this to me, what I did to deserve this, what I did wrong.. When she answered she sounded very annoyed. Like I was intruding in her personal life. I was so furious, I got very angry but as calm as I could I asked If she had sex with him. She said no but I didn’t believe it. I said why should I believe you, you have lied about everything else so far. So she got more annoyed and hung up on me. 

I waited 10 minutes before I emailed her to call me back or I would go to my chain of command and ruin his career. She called back immediately but still pissed. She said if I do she will go file for divorce that day because she cant be married to a person that would do that to someone. Naturally I thought this statement was absolutely retarded and hypocritical and it hurts so bad to know she would put he career above our marriage.. I had to tell her how much I was hoping that I wouldn’t find anything in the phone records and how much I wanted to trust her. I told her that I had planned to shoot myself and that I wanted to die.. I think this got through to her. She calmed down some and agreed to take the day off work so we could talk about what’s been going on and said she needed to call me back after she dropped the kids off at day care. I made sure to tell her I would check the records to make sure she wasn’t just going to call the OM. 

So after we got off the phone I was having some pretty horrible thoughts.. I hoped a mortar would just come along and put me out of my misery. But I couldn’t stand the thought of this OM potentially becoming "Daddy". I know my kids need me.. 

I went to my chain of command. I cannot handle this on my own anymore. They took me to see the chaplain and we had a long talk and everyone told me how thankful they are that I came to them.. that I didn’t let myself become another statistic. The AF is an amazing branch of service.. They are doing an amazing job of taking care of me and getting me the counseling I need to make sure my kids grow up having their real daddy. 

As for my wife she got pretty worried after I didn’t call back for a day after I told her what I was thinking. She called a dozen times begging me to answer and sent me a few emails telling me how sorry she is and how much I mean to her. I think she thought I did actualy kill myself because she got hold of my chain of command back home who in turn called over hear to make sure I'm ok. 

I guess the realization that her actions are destructive and now life threatening woke her up because now she seems completely willing to work things out.. but I cant deal with her right now. I do want to work things out and fix our marriage but I just cant handle it right now. I have to fix myself first. For the time being I am under 24 hour observation. I don’t plan on running off the first chance I get to off myself but they just don’t want me to be alone which I understand. I really just want to move on and get better now.There is a chance they will send me home early but I'm not getting my hopes up. If not I really doubt my marriage will last through this deployment. By the time I get back I don’t think there will be anything left to save.. But I'll let you guys know what happens. 

The OM is being issued a no contact order by my home unit. Basically telling him if he makes ANY kind of contact with my wife he will be in some serious sh*t. 

Oh and I am 21 and my wife is 20. And I really appreciate all the advice Homemaker. Your post really helped me and gave me some insight into what’s might be down the road. I know if things start to work out with my wife I will never truly trust her again.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

I'm so glad to hear you're ok. You are too valuable to throw yourself away because of what a less respectable person would do to you.

And I am SO glad AF handled it with OM. Thank goodness for them!

fwiw, you can trust her again, but she would have to come to you in utter humility and regret. Realize, though, that she is addicted to OM, so leaving him cold turkey is going to be hard on her, as bad as that sounds. It's an addiction, and addictions cause withdrawals. So don't expect instant changeover in her mind, even if she WANTS to, ok? But you two CAN work on this together, if you so choose down the road.

For now, take care of yourself. 

Also, call your parents and let them know what's going on. They will want to know, and they'll want to help. Don't deprive them of that, in this most important time, ok?


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## tamara24 (Jul 14, 2010)

I am sorry you are dealing with this while you are deployed. It is hard enough to deal with this stuff when you are present.

First I can imagine thhat your deplyment was hard on her and might feel she needed to draw back fromyou to keep from getting hurt if something bad should happen to you. But she signed up for this when she said I do! She needs to find a different way to cope with your absence.maybe individual counseling can give her a new prospective.

As far as doing things when your this far away. I would suggest maybe doing some romantic things to let her know that you are thinking of her. Can you have a local florist deliver her favorite flowers? Do something. Special for Valentines Day like set up a spa day with one of your local spas or get a spa gift certificate. Start a way of counting down the days with you. Like every day or whatever works for you, send an email for example, saying 48 days until I can hold you again. 

An emotional affair usually begins when the partner is lacking something. It could be that she has needs that she has not told you about and doesn't feel comfortable telling you. 

Stay strong, and stay safe. Just keep her talking until you get home. Good luck to you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jamesa (Oct 22, 2010)

tamara24 said:


> As far as doing things when your this far away. I would suggest maybe doing some romantic things to let her know that you are thinking of her. Can you have a local florist deliver her favorite flowers? Do something. Special for Valentines Day like set up a spa day with one of your local spas or get a spa gift certificate. Start a way of counting down the days with you. Like every day or whatever works for you, send an email for example, saying 48 days until I can hold you again.


I am sorry, but I really disagree with this approach very strongly. Why reward her for her behaviour? Why would she stop if she can get away with it? Have her cake and eat it? 



tamara24 said:


> An emotional affair usually begins when the partner is lacking something. It could be that she has needs that she has not told you about and doesn't feel comfortable telling you.


I think this is unfair. Perhaps the one who is 'lacking something' is the one who is doing the cheating? Don't blame a person who is in harm's way on the other side of the world and can't get home to try and save his marriage. I can't help but think that there is a tinge of sexism in your response. If this situation was reversed and it was a twenty year old girl, stuck alone in a remote county, vulnerable and on suicide watch and her husband was messing around you certainly wouldn't say that she was 'lacking something'. 

To the OP, don't for a minute blame yourself. Keep talking to counselors and try and get yourself home.


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## LonelyNLost (Dec 11, 2010)

I'm so glad you got some help. I think when this happens, thoughts of suicide are natural.  My H had an EA and afterwards he talked about killing himself out of the guilt. It's so hard to get past it all. And you are so young. I wish you all the luck, and hope you can get home soon to sort this mess out. You've received good advice here, and it's a good sign that she was worried about you. I think she's in "selfish" mode. It's easy to distance her feelings for you because you are so far away.


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## tamara24 (Jul 14, 2010)

Jamesa, I appparently missed his second post about what happened after. I don't agree with what I wrote te first time. She has lost all privleges by continuing to carry on the affair. Please disregard my post earlier. 

I am glad that you sought the help you needed. Your kids deserve you and you need to keep them as your focus at this point. Your wife needs to give you full disclosure of all passwords,accounts and such. I would cut off your check getting paid to a joint account and just send her funds for necessities for the kids and house. Pmt and such. Do not leave her anything to fund the affair,let her see what it is like not having you providing for her. She also needs to prove everything to you. 

Also, when I stated above emotional affairs happen because she could be lacking a need. This still could be true and the same applies to you. I doubt she is meeting your emotional needs now. If you decide to work on the marraige,you need to be honest and express your needs.

I think it is s&#*#% that she would do this while you are away fighting for your country. You should not have to deal with this stuff. I can imagine that soldiers families get very lonely, stressed and it is a hard life,but that is what you signed up for when you got married and she should be doing everything she can to keep you from worried while you are this far away.stick with the counseling, decide on how you want to proceed and look forward to your future.again, good luck and I wish you the best.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mustang! (Jan 17, 2011)

Again thanks everyone. tamara, I don’t think this is the kind of situation that can be fixed with flowers.. but I see that you realized that. But just the same if things don’t work out our divorce will be civil. I don’t intend to cut her off financially because she still needs to be able to support herself and our kids. Also taking any destructive action like that would probably undermine any positive progress I want to make.. I do think she should disclose all her account passwords. When I asked for them she said she wasn’t emailing him and that I could check if I want. But she said they did text.. I asked her straight up for the passwords but I still don’t have them and she got pretty annoyed that I kept asking. I stopped pushing for them because I don’t want her to put up the barrier. I’m sure by now even if there was anything to see it would be deleted. 

Mainly I want to see everything so I can really understand what their relationship is. She told me that he was on my side and he was telling her to that she needs to talk to me so we can work things out.. This just seems a** backwards to me. Even if he was "on my side", just the fact that she was talking to him and not me about our problems is the very thing that’s poisoning our relationship. Also if he really did care that much out my marriage he would have stopped talking to her like he said he would. This POS has no integrity and only has his own selfish needs in mind. She also told me she felt like he was the only person she could got to about our relationship because I couldn’t handle it. A few weeks ago I say that he made a comment on her FB and I lost it. I didn’t get angry at her but I was still upset to see that he was attempting to make contact. She said she would delete the post and that she didn’t know why he thought he could post on her FB. I guess that’s when she thought hiding the fact that she was still talking to him was “for my own good” Again this just seems completely a** backwards. I would have been ecstatic if she finally opened up and came to me. That’s all I wanted.. I just wanted her to treat me like a husband and come to me with her problems. But instead she continued to lie and just made everything so much worse. 

She does understand that it was wrong and that she should have just come to me. But I think she is resentful towards me for taking him away from her. She feels like she couldn’t turn to any of her friends and now that there is a no contact order with him, she has no one else to talk to. She is opening up to me but she has no external way to vent or get help. She is feeling very cut off and probably even going through the withdrawal of talking to the OM. 

NumeroUno, you have a lot of good suggestions for getting help. I suggested that she see the Chaplin or even just talk to someone at church but I'm not sure she will. She seems pretty set on just getting a divorce when I get back. I think she feels like there is no way to come back from such a dark place. I don’t want to push her too much but I just hope she will see that there is hope and that we are not the only people to go through this.. I mean I've read a lot of stories on here and a lot of them seem so much worse than mine. I know we can make this work.. The problem is getting her to believe that we still have hope. I mean we still love each other very much. We still have that foundation.. Its just so hard feeling like the only one who wants it to work. 

Also I am no longer on 24 hour watch. I really do not want to die anymore.. I have way to much to live for.. Too many people that need me and love me. I have gotten a lot of good help these past few days and I know either way I will be okay and life will go on the way it is meant to. But for right now I just want to give my marriage a fighting chance in the face of overwhelming odds.

I'm sorry all my posts are so long guys. A lot has happened these past few days.


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## jamesa (Oct 22, 2010)

Homemaker, could you break your posts up with more paragraphs? They are hard to read. Thanks.


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## Mustang! (Jan 17, 2011)

Homemake you have A LOT of great advice. I looked for and threads started by you so I can try to help but it said you have none.. I'm going to buy that that book not just friends and hopefully I can get my wife to read it also. 

A lot like your husband I really think my wife will fight going to counseling. Mainly becaue it seems that she is set on divorce. I'm hoping after some time she will start to come around and want to give our marriage a fighting chance. I dont really have anyway to force her to go. If I threaten divorce she would proably just jump on board and then I've got nothing. And you did say dont make any threats I'm not prepared to follow through with. But your idea of having someone else recomend counseling is a good idea.. This whole thing is like building a house of cards.. one slight slip up and its all over. 

I did not even consider aplying some OPSEC to the situation. She already has her FB secured to just friends but the OM is one of her friends. He needs to be defriended immediatly. Even if he makes a post on her wall then that will considered making contact and will be punishable under the UCMJ. So that will be for his own good as well.. But still he has zero right to know anything thats going on in our life. 

I dont have any worries that the kids are being mistreated. But having a depressed mom is not good for the kids. And if they start feeding off her unhappiness then they might start acting out and become more dificult to manage. So that would just add more stress to her situation would only makes things harder on me.. If I cant get her to get counseling for out marriages sake than at the very least she needs to go for them. 

I am junior enlisted. I'm an E-4 and this guy is an E-5. And I'm not sure how old he is.. at least 3 or 4 years older than me.


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## Oft (Dec 30, 2010)

:iagree: Homemaker, you seem to give really good advice, but it does make it hard to read when there is a big wall of text.

Mustang, I know how you feel. I felt the same way. I wanted to end it all too. The pain I felt was almost too much for me to handle. I am alot better now. 

I am glad that you decided to expose the affair. You may have to go further with your exposure though. That's the only way the affair will stop. The first time I exposed my wife, I only told a few people. That didn't work. After I caught them again, I went the Shock and Awe route. There are very few people that she is close to that doesn't know about it. Doing that was the only thing that saved my marriage. We are still working on our marriage and still have our bumps in the road, but we are recovering.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Mustang, have you read over at marriagebuilders.com? They have a really really good plan for recovering a marriage in the face of an affair. It gives you step by step guide to stopping the cheating, fixing the marriage, and getting your spouse back.


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## Mustang! (Jan 17, 2011)

So here's an update on whats happened.

The OM has been issued the no contact order. Also a few other people in their circle of friends have also been ordered to not contact my wife by my commander. I was not expecting this to happen but I guess my commander found that because these other 5 people were friends with the OM and my wife, they could potentialy poison our relationship further. 

I'm a little torn about this decision.. While I am happy that a few of these people have to stay away from my wife. A few of them really didnt really know what was going on. They thought it was really an inocent relationship. Now I'm worried that everyone in my unit thinks I go after everyone that talks to my wife.. But there's not much I can do about that.. not from here anyways.

But this has caused a MUCH bigger problem. Now my wife has absolutely NO one to talk to about this. She refuses to talk to a chaplin and when she went to her family for advice they were very judgmental, angery, and hurtful. And of course she cant go to my family because we both think they will be the same way. 

On top of all that she hates me for all this... I guess somehow its my fault. The OM had his chance to stop this.. He even told me he would. And now hes paying the price for lying to me. And of course my wife hates me for taking him away from her. She doesnt understand that having a secret relationship with another single man is wrong and eats away at our marriage. She still says that there was nothing wrong with it. She doesnt understand that its either that "friendship" or our marriage. We both know that it was more than just a friendship but she swears thats all it was. She admited to me that they both had feelings for eachother the first time I caught her. I saw it in the emails between them.. Feelings like that dont just go away. This relationship was so much more than just a "friendship". It might have started out as one but not anymore. I mean my relationship with her started out as just friends. 

Now of course there is a reason she got so close to this man. Its because she feels like she cant talk to me about her feelings..and doesnt want to. (Her words) Why she feel like that I have no idea.. We always had great communication before this happened and now sudenly she wont talk to me? Sure some of her feelings would be upsetting to me but I never made her feel like she cant come to me before this happened. And after it happened she said she had to lie "for my own good". Because I would only get mad that she was talking to him and not me. And because I was always reading too much into things and thinking the worst. HELL yes I was.. Thats what happens when you know someone is lieing to you. Thats what happens when I know she's having a secret "friendship" I cant help but assume the worst and read into things. She doest understand that all this would be so much better is she had just come to me instead of the OM. Everything would have been so much better if she was just truthful from the begining. 

The major problems she felt like she couldnt talk to me about was that she's not sure the married life is what she wants. While still loves me and our family very very much. She feels like she missed out on a lot of life by getting married so young. I can understand that.. I feel like that sometimes too. But I know there is nothing out there for me thats better than this. In the end this is what will make me most happy. I guess she felt like he and her had similar problems and went to him about it. And from there the friendship grew into something more.. Whether or not she wants to admit it. 

And now she wants to move out becasue she has no one else to come to about her problmes. She doesnt want to talk to me, she refuses a chaplin, and all the friends and the OM have been ordered not to talk to her. Everyone else is afraid to talk to her because they dont want to get in trouble too. 

I'm just going to hang back, be as loving and supporting as possible, and hope she comes around. And if not then I'll just have to move on with my life. I guess if its meant to be it'll work out.. but right now it looks like I've lost.


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## Mustang! (Jan 17, 2011)

Yes I have and there's some good stuff there. But most of it seems like its geared to help couple when both of them want to move forward. At this point it seems like my wife just wants out.


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## Mustang! (Jan 17, 2011)

Then I would get back to work and be consistent with how you communicate with the wife about your desires to stay together and so forth. And take care of yourself because you are going to need to be there for yourself and your unit now and later on no matter what married or single you still need to be in control of your own life and day to day. Go back to spending some time on whatever hobby/past-time makes you happy when you have downtime. There is not really much else you can do. That is military life, there is a pause for emotional crises but that is about it, mission is mission. 



I agree.. She know I want to stay together but for right now she's pretty resentful. So far everything I've done to help save my marriage has only pushed her away, quarantined her, and made he hate me for it. But your right I will work on me.. I will get better whether or not I'm married. But I would rather have her in my life.. and I mean more than just the mother of my children. And I hope someday she wants to be more than that too.


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

She's still in the "fog", and it will take time for her to come out of it.


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## Oft (Dec 30, 2010)

What F-102 said. Give it time. She will most likely snap out of it. She does feel as if she doesn't have anyone to talk to. She doesn't feel comforatable talking to you. This was my EXACT situation. Her family judged her very hard. They all told her that they still loved her and would continue to love her, but they wouldn't condone what she was doing one little bit. Give it time and continue to show her that you still love her.

Just a helpful little tip that I have been doing that you may want to try. I think I read where you and her both had facebook. Once she starts to open up to you, try sending her PM's on FB. I send my wife little love quotes. Even when I don't feel like it. Even when I feel resentful and hurt. I still send them. But if I were you, I would wait until she starts showing signs of coming out of the fog. Just my opinion.

Good luck Bro.


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## tamara24 (Jul 14, 2010)

Just a suggestion, but our local YMCA has free babysitting. If she can get a free membership, maybe she could take a college course or a class that teaches her a new hobby. Both will provide her with some new friends.

She is still in the fog and of course, you are totally to blame. Keep in mind, this is typical. She also has to take responsibility for her actions. She can't blame you for the affair. As a mom, I can see where it is hard to make friends when you have little kids around, but if she takes the bull by the horn and uses the services available to her, she could have some alone time. She may have given up things getting married so young, but that was her choice. It does not have to be the end of the world. If the love is all still there, then you as a partner can encourage and give her time to do things she missed out on within reason. Still, she must give you all the info of where she is going,who will be with her and that sort of thing.

Still being in the fog, she will go back and forth about her feelings,one minute remorseful and the next you are the worse guy ever. Just know this is part of the process. Read that book,it is very good.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## GetTough (Jul 18, 2010)

mama4jesus said:


> My first thought was that you're not going to be able to continue doing your job safely over there if you're an emotional wreck! Some way, somehow, you've got to do like the Marines do, suck it up and go on. It's harsh, but you've got 4 months left, and you have to stay focused on your safety and the safety of the others that are there with you.
> 
> I think you should back off and leave this issue alone for a while. I know it's driving you crazy, but you pushing and pushing her through emails, phone conversations, whatever, isn't helping. Like you said, she's going further away from you instead of trying to talk about it.
> 
> ...


This is great advice. I wished I would have followed it in my situation. Its the hardest thing to stop needing someone, to shift focus, to become strong individually. But that is what you have to do. She has a large part of the blame for sure, but now you are suffocating her, and that is killing your relationship too. You still have a chance to save your marriage, I think mine has past that point. Learn from my mistake... care about her, but not overly nice. Let her initiate most contact. Begin to act as though you will be just fine without her.


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## GetTough (Jul 18, 2010)

tamara24 said:


> I am sorry you are dealing with this while you are deployed. It is hard enough to deal with this stuff when you are present.
> 
> First I can imagine thhat your deplyment was hard on her and might feel she needed to draw back fromyou to keep from getting hurt if something bad should happen to you. But she signed up for this when she said I do! She needs to find a different way to cope with your absence.maybe individual counseling can give her a new prospective.
> 
> ...


She needs to be left to get on with it. He needs to develop a mindset of moving on, to show her what she's losing and also to regain her respect, that he no longer needs her, and also in case it is really necessary


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## Mustang! (Jan 17, 2011)

I agree F-102 and Oft. I think she is in the "fog". That’s a pretty scary place to be.. I've been doing some more reading about it and I'm so afraid that she might never come out of it. 

The past few days have been a little different. last time I tried to talk to her about everything she was so hateful and resentful. I honestly could not handle hearing her talk to me with such hate... I broke down and cried with her on the phone. She has never seen or heard my cry before and I think it really hit her much she is hurting me. I think that’s the first time she has really had to face what’s she's doing to me. 

Her tone changed immediately and she begged me to get on video Skype so she could see me. It was nice having her comfort me but I know all those feeling she had before I broke down are still in there.. 

I've sort of just taken a step back since then and let her have some space. I call every morning just to see how things are going and email her before I leave to let her know I'm thinking about her. I just switched to day shifts a week ago so when I'm awake she is sleeping. That’s also helped to give us some space. Before we would be emailing all day.. mostly about our problems.

bradt, I think she has regained some respect for me after I broke down. Normally I think most woman would just think crying is pathetic.. but I AM NOT the kind of person to cry like that and she knows it.. I think it just really hit home for her. I am giving her some space but I'm not going to act like I don’t need her. She already feels like she wants to leave (Like Eat, Prey, Love) and that would just push her out the door. She knows I love her and I'm going to continue to show it. But I think I'm doing a good job at not suffocating her too.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

You're doing fine. If she can't handle the heat, then she has more issues than you could EVER have handled on your own.

Just back off...take your time, ASK about how SHE is doing.


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## GetTough (Jul 18, 2010)

Mustang! said:


> I agree F-102 and Oft. I think she is in the "fog". That’s a pretty scary place to be.. I've been doing some more reading about it and I'm so afraid that she might never come out of it.
> 
> The past few days have been a little different. last time I tried to talk to her about everything she was so hateful and resentful. I honestly could not handle hearing her talk to me with such hate... I broke down and cried with her on the phone. She has never seen or heard my cry before and I think it really hit her much she is hurting me. I think that’s the first time she has really had to face what’s she's doing to me.
> 
> ...


I'm sure she is confused to some extent, but I also think you are being managed. I think she is more confused about how to handle the fallout than whether to choose you over him. She has had more time to think about this than you have had.

I just got off the phone with a communication counselor I would recommend. PM me if you'd like her contact info.


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## Mustang! (Jan 17, 2011)

Being managed? How do you mean? But I think your right.. she’s just dealing with the fallout and the 'fog'.

The other day I remembered something and now I feel like a complete idiot. It was about a year ago that she first came to me and told me she's feeling a little unhappy. Not with anything specifically though. It wasn’t anything I did or wasn’t doing good enough.. She said she just wasnt happy. Of course I dismissed it like an idiot. She was pregnant at the time so I guess I figured it had something to do with her hormones. 

She said she wanted to talk to someone and made an appointment with a counselor on base. She went a few times and I even went with her to one appointment. The only thing I really remember getting out of it was that I just need to make sure I'm available anytime she needs to talk. Mostly when we were laying in bed together because that’s when she like to talk most. 

So she stopped going to the appointments and I pretty much forgot about it. Everything seemed fine and she seemed to be getting happier even though I didn’t notice she was unhappy to begin with. I guess it all just sort of fell through the cracks. 

Then a few month later my son was born. For a few month or two after my wife was showing signs of mild postpartum depression but again it seemed to pass and I forgot all about it. 

Now all this is happening. I can’t believe I didn’t remember any of this until the other day.. What kind of husband just forgets about that?? After I found out she was talking to the OM I was so hurt that she didn’t feel like she could or should come to me. But she already tried to months ago and I just dismissed it. 

Then after I deployed she was feeling even more alone until she started talking to this guy and things just progressed from there. I guess he was there to listen when I wasn’t.. I can’t help but feel like I brought this all on myself.


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## GetTough (Jul 18, 2010)

Mustang! said:


> Being managed? How do you mean? But I think your right.. she’s just dealing with the fallout and the 'fog'.
> 
> The other day I remembered something and now I feel like a complete idiot. It was about a year ago that she first came to me and told me she's feeling a little unhappy. Not with anything specifically though. It wasn’t anything I did or wasn’t doing good enough.. She said she just wasnt happy. Of course I dismissed it like an idiot. She was pregnant at the time so I guess I figured it had something to do with her hormones.
> 
> ...


By "being managed", I mean that she may be manipulating you for the most expedient breakup for her. I was at a divorce support group the other day, and one guy expressed how he came across his wife's Evernote Journal by mistake and read all the hateful things she felt about him, which really opened his eyes. I would really recommend not being mean towards her, but definitely giving her a degree of cold shoulder while she continues to disrespect you by engaging with OM. I say again, let her initiate most contact with you, NOT vice versa, I think this is very important, otherwise you will come across as needy and this is VERY unattractive.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Mustang! said:


> Now all this is happening. I can’t believe I didn’t remember any of this until the other day.. What kind of husband just forgets about that?? After I found out she was talking to the OM I was so hurt that she didn’t feel like she could or should come to me. But she already tried to months ago and I just dismissed it.


What kind? Most kinds, sadly.

Men don't 'need' to talk or share feelings. They just do. Take care of things. And feel good about themselves for doing so.

If I could change one thing in people, it would be to somehow find a way for men (and women) to take some sort of boot camp to understand that you're dealing with a DIFFERENT beast than you, yourself. We're different for a reason. But forget that, at your own risk.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

I agree, the BEST way to fight an affair is with anger and indignation. They don't expect that. They expect fear, crying, and begging. Which gives THEM all the control. 

Take that away - be willing to walk - and YOU get the control back and can stop the cheating.


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## avenrandom (Sep 13, 2010)

I've been following the thread but haven't posted until now. Very brief back story... got the Dear John in Oct 07 while deployed to Kirkuk. Found out someone else was simply waiting for me to leave before jumping in- with me gone, it was only a matter of time. I found out, and she shot me the letter. So, leaving out all the messy details, I just wanted to leave some feedback based on a few of the things you've said, and what I personally went through.

My apologies if I offend, but understanding a good portion of the USAF deployed have regular access to phones, computers (email) is something that really helps. You've mentioned that you call her every morning, and that you email her before going out. THIS right here was my biggest mistake for a month after discovery / the letter. I've later understood that this was me attempting to keep a grasp onto her, fooling myself into thinking contact would keep her close. That constant contact was giving her just enough reassurance that I was still there and coming home to her, to where she felt comfortable enough to still go out and do things she shouldn't have been. It wasn't until I limited calls to once a week that she started to feel that I was attempting to recover, cope, and move on. This scared her a lot, and helped bring her back to reality. Towards the end I actually stopped calling all together, and she got very very scared. How do I know that? She's sitting here watching me type this, and giving me her input at the same time based on her feelings. You of course are the only one who can make the decision- I did read about you mentioning she feels she has no one to talk to, and this could potentially worsen the situation.

I spent a good month attempting to "feel" what was happening, trying to get the communication out of me in an attempt to recover. Yes the mission goes on, but that was only a slight distraction from the pain. I had been going to the gym daily for 45mins, but then I started spending nearly every waking moment I had at the gym, and any downtime at work was spent reading relationship / communication books. I'd like to say that I was working on me, but of course I was working on me for her to see. I figured if nothing else I'd see her one more time, and she would notice. My suggestion is find YOUR distraction which does not involve her. We hear it all the time on these forums... "What are you doing to work on yourself?" and the same holds true here. You can't control the situation at home, so why fool yourself into trying? Focus on the mission, and focus on you. My wife says that I came home a different man, and that she was a different woman than when I left. Had we not gone through this, we would never be together today. There is hope. Stay safe and you'll be home before you know it.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

A thats another good examble of tough love and distanceing your self from the DS. 
Poeple want what the can't have or poeple won't miss something until it gone.

I'm not saying gone for good, just a while for it to sink in. It's still is a gamble, some DS my like the distance, and I quess then you know it's over.


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## Oft (Dec 30, 2010)

Mustang, just wanted to check and see how things were going with you? I haven't been on in a while so I may have missed an update you've given on another thread.


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## Mustang! (Jan 17, 2011)

Hey Oft. Its been a while for me too. 

I've been taking everyones adive here and laying off my wife about all this. She know how I feel.. She just needs to figure out what she wants too. 

We're just taking it slow for now. She's still distant emotionaly but we still talk everyday. I went a few days without talking to her.. But being in afghanistan she started to get very worried that something had happened to me. But it does seem like she's starting to open up to me a little more. I really think we'll be okay once I get back and we can really work this out. But its still a long and dificult road ahead of us.

I'm just taking it day by day and trying to stay calm and collected. If I dont keep myself in check I'll start to get very angry and I'll go off on her.. Then I call her later to apologize. So I just looked like a bipolar ****. But I guess thats to be expected somewhat. But I'm getting better and staying calm.. I know she's not still talking to the guy or messing around with any other guys so its just the post D-day sensativity thats getting to me. 

She's still just trying to figure out what she wants. She knows she loves me and never wants to hurt me again like that. And she knows if she leaves then she'll lose me forever and she definantly doesnt want that. Basically she's just very sorry and wants to work things out but doesnt feel like she deserves forgiveness. Also she thinks I'll be better off with someone else.. It sucks but its progress and I know she cares so thats all I need. 

How are things going for you.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Send her the Love Buster and Emotional Needs questionnaires from marriagebuilders.com. Ask her to fill them out and send back to you. Tell her you will do the same, and you'll conference on how you two are harming each other (LBs) and how you should be meeting each others' needs (ENs). Once you have that information, it is SO much easier to keep track of where you two are headed, what's going wrong, what's going right, how to tweak your marriage so you BOTH are fulfilled.

Are you seeing a therapist over there to help with your anger and anxiety? Do it for your wife. (and your marriage)


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## Mustang! (Jan 17, 2011)

I saw one a few times but it was just to make sure I'm still fit for duty.. There's not much else anyone can do but listen and I've got plenty of people to talk to here if I need it. But the last think I need is for people to think I'm a basket case when we have a mission to do here. 

I think I'm doing a good job at handleing it for now.. It just a constant back and forth in my head. One side is telling me how horrible she is and that I need to leave her before she pulls this sh*t again, and the other side is telling me that it was just a stupid mistake, that we can work it out, that I need to just keep my anger and jealousy in check, and that I love her too much to just walk away now. 

I'll ask her about doing the LB and EN thing. Right now I"m reading the 5 love languages so that works out nice. I was reading Not Just Friends but mostly it made me more paranoid.. So I'm staying away from that for a little bit.


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## i_feel_broken (Jul 5, 2010)

Mustang! said:


> I think I'm doing a good job at handleing it for now.. It just a constant back and forth in my head. One side is telling me how horrible she is and that I need to leave her before she pulls this sh*t again, and the other side is telling me that it was just a stupid mistake, that we can work it out, that I need to just keep my anger and jealousy in check, and that I love her too much to just walk away now.
> .


Hi Mustang, boy do i know those feelings. Some days I think WTF am i doing, if i walk away i may find a women that actually respects me and loves me and wants to be with me. Other days I think about how great it would be if we could sort it properly and get back into a proper relationship and how i missed that with my wife. It feels like no other woman could replace her.

Just try to ride the waves for now, i'm sure this sort of things natural. Give things a change to settle and heal and continue your good work

all the best


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

How do you feel it's going ok if you are yelling at your wife?


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## Mustang! (Jan 17, 2011)

No I'm not anymore.. I said I was but now I'm getting my anger under control. And I only really yelled when I caught her both times.. The rest of the time I was just really angry and mean. That pushed her away more but at the same time she liked that I was standing up for myself.


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## Oft (Dec 30, 2010)

Sometimes you have to let it out. My wife had told her best friend that she kept the affair going after the second time I caught them because she felt she could keep stringing me along. Those were her words. The third time I caught them talking I didn't play it calm. That was when she realized I wasn't going to play her game any longer.


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## SGTDRT (Feb 6, 2012)

Brother,

I know what your going through. I went through the same thing my first deployment. I felt like I wanted to die as well. From the way it sounds you have a very supportive chain of command. That will make your life easier.

The best advice I can give you is push on for now. Make it through this deployment and get yourself home. A band aide cant cure a gaping wound. You need to get yourself there to find out if this thing can be fixed fully or if the damage is irreversible. And I seen someone said something about trust. It is a hard thing to give back to someone. If it ever comes down to it get help when you get back home. NOT just for yourself but for your wife as well. It can only help.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

This thread is almost a year old, so the OP should have rotated home long ago. He must have forgotten to update his situation, but his profile shows he last logged on here last month.


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## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

I sincerely hope that he is quitting the air force. She started cheating on you 1 week after you left. First off, your wife had this in mind and in plan before you left. One week? One thing is for sure, you can't trust her out of your site (meaning more then a day or two). I mean you really can't imagine deploying with her alone here? She is still in the fog. This year old thread, no up date? I'll wager she just found another guy. 20 years old two kids already, there no way to keep this girls heals on the ground.


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## calif_hope (Feb 25, 2011)

Mustang last posted on here a year ago guys.......why keep it going?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

I don't know why this thread was necro'd. But its interesting that his last activity on the forum was on 01-08-2012 at 11:09 PM. So he's been logging in, he just hasn't updated his thread. But that's his choice.


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## Kallan Pavithran (Jan 17, 2012)

I think this guy wife is on another site, its like this

*CAUGHT!* – I’m Cheating On My Husband With My Best Friend While My Husband Is Deployed In Iraq…

*CAUGHT!* – I’m Cheating On My Husband With My Best Friend While My Husband Is Deployed In Iraq… | AskUgg! | Cheating, Relationships, Dating, Sex, Intimacy, Infidelity, It’s all here!

Go through this


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