# Suicidal boyfriend



## holliness (Jan 20, 2012)

Hi there. I've been searching around for help, and decided to make my own topic.

My boyfriend and I have been together for seven years. He's had a tough life growing up, and has always had momentary dramatic downers on his mood. It seems like once a year since I've known him, he would feel completely useless. He would lay in bed all day, saying nothing matters, he is seriously disgusted with the world and the people in it. He wouldn't eat, and talked about killing himself. Other times he'd be so angry ay everything, he would trash the room, punch holes in the walls... a mirror, once. Usually these moods went away, and I did my best to talk him out of it and point out all the good things.

Within the past few months though, he's had extreme outbursts. Sometimes he's fine, but sometimes the smallest things set him off. At least five times within the past few months, he's left the house, saying he'd find a way to kill himself. I would always run after him, desperately trying to talk him out of it. But more and more, nothing is affecting him. He begs me to make him feel like he was worth something and listen to him, and go home, but I want to get the point across to him that I care about him too much to do that.

It's happened so much. I've tried running after him sympathetically, trying to get on the same wavelength and scream at him, or just do as he says and ignore him. No matter what I try, this mood of his just comes back. However, when he is feeling a bit better, he always apologizes, and says how much he appreciates me. Anything will make him feel this way - it's never specifically something I do.

Today he had a small argument about some game he was playing with a friend and stormed out in the same fashion. I've tried everything else, so today I told him I wouldn't follow him.

He's very smart. I've asked him to see a counselor and look into antidepressants, but he knows that there is a risk of the antidepressant making the whole thing worse, and doesn't want to do it. Half of the time when I argue all the good things he would be missing, and the fun things he does, he counters with something so logical, I can't even think of a response.

I love him very much, and when the world isn't getting him down, he loves me back just the same. We aren't having relationship problems with each other, but I just don't know how to deal with him when he gets like this.

I read in one thread that someone treated it like a real emergency and called the police, reporting threatened suicide. I'm seriously considering this, because I have nothing left to try. I just don't know what to do anymore, and it's wearing on me. The last thing I want to do is give up on him, but it's becoming so constant that I'm beginning to think if he really hates living so much, I should just let him do what he wants and let him end his life. If he's in so much misery, I'm just making it worse by forcing him to keep living.

I just don't know how to deal with this anymore. We don't have much money, and I don't think we could even afford counseling. If anyone has had a similar experience, I would be happy enough to hear about how you dealt with it. Any tips or suggestions would also be very welcome, of course.

Thank you very much for your time, in advance.


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

I'm not sure where you live. Most states, counties etc have mental health authorities or community mental health agencies. If you have a 2-1-1 info line where you live, you may want to call to see if any agencies exist nearby.

More than likely, this will not get better without treatment. Given that the issue isn't really in the situational or environmental reasons. (divorce, lost job, relationship stuff, etc).

If you feel like you are walking on eggshells then it's time to encourage him to get help. There is nothing that YOU can do, it's up to him. He needs to get a screening/assessment.

I work in the mental health field. He has to want it for himself.

If he's suicidal call the police or local crisis hotline (many have them). You never know when he's bluffing or not. Just do it!


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## endlessgrief (Feb 19, 2012)

If he truly wants to die, there is nothing you or anyone else can do about it, he will find a way. All of your worrying is justified but you must be exhausted! He is in a dark place and from what I read, you do not want to crawl into that black hole with him.

My sister's boyfriend had a horrible childhood and put up this wall around himself. He hardly ever spoke, sat apart from people in public, he just had this bad aura around him that everyone felt. My sister tried being like a Stepford Wife, she didn't complain when he would get drunk all the time, etc.

One night he was drunk and she said she was finished with his drinking **** and to go sleep it off. He went to bed and closed the door, a minute later, she heard the shot. He shot himself in the head and she had to hold his brains inside his head until the police arrived. He died later that night. He never mentioned he was depressed, never talked about suicide, and seemed happy. Needless to say, my sister will never be the same. She didn't see the signs, but YOU DO SEE THEM. 

Take this very seriously. It is not your responsibility to keep him alive, only he can do that. Does he do the woe is me thing just to get attention or do you really believe he will kill himself? Just remember if anything happens, it is not your fault. It is 4 years later and my sister is still a mess thinking she could have done something to prevent it. Some people believe that he would not have done it if he were sober. Since alcohol is a depressant, bad things might be magnified.

I hope to God that he is just wanting attention and is not truly suicidal. You are being smart in looking for advice and learning all you can about suicidal depression. You must be prepared. I wouldn't wish what happened to my sister on my worse enemy. 

Keep us posted and good luck.


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## johnnycomelately (Oct 30, 2010)

He sounds bipolar or maybe cylcothymic. He needs help.

I am mildly bipolar. Everybody seems to differ but mine comes in three to four monthly cycles. I have a period of euphoria, known as the manic period, when I am very happy, need less sleep and I have brilliant ideas that are going to change the world etc, etc followed by a period of depression.

I have never been treated and I don't believe this is an 'illness' as some people seem to, but that we are on the edge of a spectrum of human behaviour. We are all cyclical to a degree, just some of experience more extreme highs and lows than others. 

Your boyfriend needs to start recognising the cycles and come to terms with the fact that his depression is simply a phase and that things aren't as gloomy as they seem. He shouldn't drink alcohol or take any drugs (including marijauna) during his down phase. Get him to do some exercise, or more exercise and try and talk about future plans as much as possible. He needs to get plenty of sleep.
Looking to the future and being as healthy as possible seems to combat depression.

He needs to understand that suicide is an act of extreme violence against loved ones. Even the threat of suicide is unfair on those around you.

I would urge you to talk to as many people about this as possible. Friends, family, church leaders etc.


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

This is abusive to you. He is being manipulative. The best way to stop this is to call 911 next time. Don't run after him but watch where he goes. 
They will talk to him and decide if he needs to go to the ER. If he does go, the ER will decide if he needs to be put in the hospital. I wouldn't play with this. Either he's manipulating you to get attention or he's serious. Either way you need to let him know you're not going to play out this drama anymore. I didn't know why he thinks antidepressants would make it worse. If one doesn't work he can try another one. He needs help. Sorry you have to deal with this.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

If he's unwilling to help and worried about antidepressants making it worse....he's not ready. How worse...he's already has significant suicidal ideation?

I would let him know, during a calm time, how this scares you and you have to do something "the next time." I'd warn him that you will call 911 even if he is angry with you after the fact. It's the "I'd rather have you mad at me than dead."


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