# Can someone tell me...?



## clueless (Oct 18, 2009)

What is "separation"??????
Has any relationship ever recovered, gotten stronger from this so called "separation"??????


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## dobo (Jun 30, 2009)

Do you mean, has a marriage ever gotten back together and recovered post-separation?

For me, separation was only the amount of time necessary before the divorce could be granted. But that's because I knew what I wanted and it wasn't to stay married. Others actually do use the separation period to contemplate their position and to get away from the daily stress of a relationship that is seriously damaged. Sometimes getting a breather is helpful and restorative.


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## clueless (Oct 18, 2009)

Yeah, that's what I meant.

I don't want a separation, but she does. She thinks it's the only way we can recover our relationship. I see it as the beginning of the end.


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## Believe (Aug 27, 2009)

I am starting to believe that it is a beginning to an end. I think if you want to work on the marriage that's what you would do. Leaving is not working on the marriage at all.


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## nenigoat (Oct 8, 2009)

I thought seperation was to give eachother a breather. To rekindle the marriage. 
Now, I think it's a bad thing! It is the beginning of the end!
I left my husband to try and bring us both into focus and it back fired on me! 
Sometimes I think I never should have left, but other times I am so glad I did.
If I could do it over again I would try counsoling first.

So sorry your going through this. Seperation is so hard!


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## Riverside MFT (Oct 5, 2009)

As a marriage counselor I know my opinion is biased, but I think you should seek counseling together. A lot of times, an outsider to the marriage (not friends or family) can help you both see different perspectives in yourselves, each other, and your relationship.

Most couples I see (in counseling) that are trying to fix their marriage by doing a trial divorce usually end up doing more harm than good--so I am in agreement with you about separating. Healing a marriage usually requires you to reach outside of yourself (like talking to a counselor or pastor). Separation is usually just a way for couples to ignore their problems. When they decide to get back together after their trial separation they find that they still have the same problems. I am sorry you are experiencing this. A man losing his wife (even if it is not permanent) is incredibly difficult. Stay strong and good luck!


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