# He says he can't live through another divorce.



## ku1980rose (Sep 7, 2010)

My h actually said tonight "I can't live through another divorce". Really? That's your reason for wanting to stay in this marriage? Talking about how unhappy we are and how bad things are never works with him because this is the first thing he does. Put the guilt on me. But, seriously? That's his best reason?


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Just keep telling yourself that his happiness is not YOUR responsibility! And as far as a reason for staying, that's one of the weakest I've heard.

C
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## anx (Nov 30, 2010)

I don't think its meant to guilt you, but certainly has that effect.

Your husband just doesn't get relationships. His first one failed and he didn't ever learn why or how to make one really work.

That doesn't really help, but there isn't an easy answer. If its possible to make a happy relationship, its going to take a long time and patience from you. You'll have to teach him how to have a relationship and he will have to be open to learn.

Did you ever move out? Is there improvement?


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## ku1980rose (Sep 7, 2010)

No I haven't moved out. Financially that's been a problem. And it hasn't improved. He still sleeps on the couch and still says its my choice although I've asked him numerous times to sleep in the bed. But I just don't feel comfortable intimately with him anymore after all this and he knows it. I don't think he intentionally says things as a guilt trip but it's still there. The counselor we saw for a while said it is codependency. But he hasn't changed any of his codependent behaviors or let me into his life any more than before. I think our marriage was a mistake. Unfortunately. Good friends does not always equal good lovers.
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## anx (Nov 30, 2010)

He probably doesn't see it as guilt or mean it that way.

I'm going through pretty serious anxiety and depression from this separation. My wife took it the same way when I said that I was going to go through it and went through it the first separation. It wasnt meant to guilt, it was just going to happen with my history and did happen.

Anyways, I hope you figure something out. No matter what happens, its going to take a lot of time. He can probably learn to be a good husband, but that will take a lot of time. 

Best of luck and God bless.


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## BigToe (Jun 2, 2011)

PBear said:


> Just keep telling yourself that his happiness is not YOUR responsibility!


Don't we all have a responsibility to do our best to keep our partners happy?


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## anx (Nov 30, 2010)

You cannot make or force someone to be happy. You can however do as much as you can meet their needs and wants.


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## caughtdreaming (May 30, 2011)

My H repeatedly said he wasn't happy with himself. 
I repeatedly told him to start doing things to make himself happy.
He said he didn't know how. 
No one can make you happy but your own self.


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## ku1980rose (Sep 7, 2010)

His happiness should not soley depend on me. He needs to be happy with himself first and that's one of his biggest downfalls. That's one thing that's been so difficult. My h depends on me for his happiness. He's got issues with codependency. I can't be responsible for his every mood. Yes I can contribute but ultimately the responsibility is his.
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