# Cross Dressing



## SarahGoblin (Nov 6, 2021)

My partner and father of my 3 children told me over a year ago he fantasised about going out in women's clothing. We talked through his feelings and he's adamant he doesn't want to live as a woman or even to dress as a woman on a daily basis. It does nothing for me but I'm his partner so said I would support him. Silly me didn't think we'd have to talk about boundaries. He's been going out in women's underwear with makeup on for a while but the other day he went out in a full women's outfit. Now given he wants this to be a secret from everyone I just presumed he was going out out of our local area like this (he does this in the evenings for a few hours a few times a week). After his last outing I received a message from a friend saying they saw my partner dressed as a woman. This in itself does not phase me however he wants it to be a secret and although I tried to bluff my way through the conversation the impact of this is wider reaching. Her teenage son was with her and saw my partner and they happen to be in our teenage daughters class. My daughter is already quiet, shy and reserved and my friends son isn't the nicest boy. Whilst my daughter would not have any bad feelings or attitude towards her father cross dressing she would be upset being told about it from her class mate rather than her parents. I told my partner that I could not believe he expected me to keep this to myself to not talk about it to anyone and yet he was being cavelier with our families feelings and risking being caught in our local neighbourhood. He said he will now go further afield but will not discuss with our daughter and will not allow me to either. I get that it's not my place to divulge his secret but I need someone to talk to too. You see since his dressing like a woman I have found him less sexually desirable. He's tried several times to get me to sleep with him dressed up and I did a couple of times to make him happy but I get nothing from it and don't want to do it anymore. We have always been sexually experimental and I've always said ill support trying things and him exploring as he's less sexually experienced than I. How do I encourage him to explore the things he wants to try (which I feel is important for him to explore) when it's the very thing that I'm finding hard to deal with. I dearly love him but I feel we are heading in different directions. At the same time I don't want to hurt him, knock his confidence or stop him exploring things. I don't know what to do. I can't talk to anyone without disclosing and I don't want to betray his trust. I'm happy to be his friend still and hold his hand through this, I just don't think I want this relationship anymore, I lived our sex life before but it seems to revolve around crossdressing now and I feel he may be in denial somewhat. If anyone has any advice I'd be so grateful.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Your partner needs to get ahead of this with your children. Burying his head in the sand will not forestall the inevitable. 

You didn't sign on for this type of relationship so feel free to end it.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

SarahGoblin said:


> My partner and father of my 3 children told me over a year ago he fantasised about going out in women's clothing. We talked through his feelings and he's adamant he doesn't want to live as a woman or even to dress as a woman on a daily basis. It does nothing for me but I'm his partner so said I would support him. Silly me didn't think we'd have to talk about boundaries. He's been going out in women's underwear with makeup on for a while but the other day he went out in a full women's outfit. Now given he wants this to be a secret from everyone I just presumed he was going out out of our local area like this (he does this in the evenings for a few hours a few times a week). After his last outing I received a message from a friend saying they saw my partner dressed as a woman. This in itself does not phase me however he wants it to be a secret and although I tried to bluff my way through the conversation the impact of this is wider reaching. Her teenage son was with her and saw my partner and they happen to be in our teenage daughters class. My daughter is already quiet, shy and reserved and my friends son isn't the nicest boy. Whilst my daughter would not have any bad feelings or attitude towards her father cross dressing she would be upset being told about it from her class mate rather than her parents. I told my partner that I could not believe he expected me to keep this to myself to not talk about it to anyone and yet he was being cavelier with our families feelings and risking being caught in our local neighbourhood. He said he will now go further afield but will not discuss with our daughter and will not allow me to either. I get that it's not my place to divulge his secret but I need someone to talk to too. You see since his dressing like a woman I have found him less sexually desirable. He's tried several times to get me to sleep with him dressed up and I did a couple of times to make him happy but I get nothing from it and don't want to do it anymore. We have always been sexually experimental and I've always said ill support trying things and him exploring as he's less sexually experienced than I. How do I encourage him to explore the things he wants to try (which I feel is important for him to explore) when it's the very thing that I'm finding hard to deal with. I dearly love him but I feel we are heading in different directions. At the same time I don't want to hurt him, knock his confidence or stop him exploring things. I don't know what to do. I can't talk to anyone without disclosing and I don't want to betray his trust. I'm happy to be his friend still and hold his hand through this, I just don't think I want this relationship anymore, I lived our sex life before but it seems to revolve around crossdressing now and I feel he may be in denial somewhat. If anyone has any advice I'd be so grateful.


Personally, I would tell your daughter anyway (because she could find out at school). Your husband really needs to realize that it's better to come from you than some bully at school. 

If you need someone to talk to IRL, consider a therapist. That doesn't count as betraying his trust and its not someone who knows him. 

I'd just be honest with your husband and tell him how you feel about the direction the marriage is going. He may get his feelings hurt but all you can do is be kind and honest.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

I take no pleasure in telling you this but unless you’re prepared to involve yourself completely in his cross dressing your marriage will not survive. This behaviour is not going to just stop so put the idea that he will grow out of this phase of his life out of your mind.

He has gradually increased his transvestism and he is now talking about going out dressed as a woman in a different locality. He will soon want to meet up with other people like him and he will want more items to make him look feminine. Also you should remember that a lot of women take part in this sort of thing.

It’s also very important to remember that he is not gay but in his own mind he’s a different person while he’s “dressed up”.

I would say he was experimenting with this for a while before he confessed to you. Have you ever noticed that your clothes or makeup seemed to be misplaced when you came home. Like I said you will have to completely embrace this part of his life for your relationship to survive.


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## SarahGoblin (Nov 6, 2021)

Andy1001 said:


> I take no pleasure in telling you this but unless you’re prepared to involve yourself completely in his cross dressing your marriage will not survive. This behaviour is not going to just stop so put the idea that he will grow out of this phase of his life out of your mind.
> He has gradually increased his transvestism and he is now talking about going out dressed as a woman in a different locality. He will soon want to meet up with other people like him and he will want more items to make him look feminine. Also you should remember that a lot of women take part in this sort of thing.
> It’s also very important to remember that he is not gay but in his own mind he’s a different person while he’s “dressed up”.
> I would say he was experimenting with this for a while before he confessed to you. Have you ever noticed that your clothes or makeup seemed to be misplaced when you came home. Like I said you will have to completely embrace this part of his life for your relationship to survive.


Thanks for the reply. No he couldn't fit in my clothes he is nearly a foot taller than me. I don't think he'd did experiment before talking to me about it, but I get your point. At no point have I thought he is gay so I'm confused by that reference. However it is a lifestyle choice I'm not really into. If he was to fully embrace it and be honest about it then it may be somewhat easier but lying and keeping it from everyone and the situation potentially upsetting my children is the hardest part.
I guess you are correct it looks like we need to part ways so he can continue to explore this and I can be happy too. Thank you


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

SarahGoblin said:


> Thanks for the reply. No he couldn't fit in my clothes he is nearly a foot taller than me. I don't think he'd did experiment before talking to me about it, but I get your point. At no point have I thought he is gay so I'm confused by that reference. However it is a lifestyle choice I'm not really into. If he was to fully embrace it and be honest about it then it may be somewhat easier but lying and keeping it from everyone and the situation potentially upsetting my children is the hardest part.
> I guess you are correct it looks like we need to part ways so he can continue to explore this and I can be happy too. Thank you


Me pointing out that he isn’t gay was to get the point across to you that he could cheat on you with a woman whilst he’s dressed as a woman himself. He will feel like he’s a different person.


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## SarahGoblin (Nov 6, 2021)

Andy1001 said:


> Me pointing out that he isn’t gay was to get the point across to you that he could cheat on you with a woman whilst he’s dressed as a woman himself. He will feel like he’s a different person.


He doesn't go by any other name and he says for him he isn't another person he's him in women's clothing. He likes the feel and the sexual arousal from wearing the clothes but as himself he says he does not become another persona. I don't think he would cheat on me but if he did I would definitely leave. Me not wanting to indulge his kinks or vice versa does not make infidelity acceptable or justifiable. But I really appreciate your points thank you.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

This is likely just the beginning. It will probably take more and more for him as time goes on so if you decide to stay then prepare yourself for a very different life than the one you had before.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

He’s gay. Get ready to find out what he’s been doing those missing hours.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

Evinrude58 said:


> He’s gay. Get ready to find out what he’s been doing those missing hours.


not necessarily. i have been told that well over 50% of crossdressers are NOT gay or bi.

but who knows for sure....a lot of crossdressers do show up on sissy websites where either 
1) a female Dominatrix makes them dress up (i.e. feminizes them), and often forces they to either please a man, or play with another cross dresser sexually
or
2) where the sissy is begging men to use them, either for anal or oral sex.

so that DOES seem to be an eventual natural progression for cross dressing.

it is a complex field. and yes, if you (the OP) decide to help him pursue it, you will have to be that Dominatrix feminizing him. the humiliation that will cause him would have to be something you enjoy doing to him. for instance, you might have some of your female friends over for a tea party, and he would be dressed up as a woman serving the tea. variations involve the group of women degrading him, either verbally, or in various physical ways, as you watch on approvingly.

Some women really love that dominatrix role, and get a great deal of sexual satisfaction from it. you are completely dominating his masculinity.

but if all that sort of thing turns you off, with absolutely no chance of you growing to enjoy it...maybe it is time to completely shut him off. tell him you will divorce him if he cross dresses even one more time.


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## Galabar01 (Mar 20, 2019)

It sounds like the marriage is over. What he's doing is doing nothing for you and, actually making you uninterested in him.

There is nothing wrong with that. He's changed the rules of your marriage unilaterally. You can support him as his ex-wife.


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## SarahGoblin (Nov 6, 2021)

Evinrude58 said:


> He’s gay. Get ready to find out what he’s been doing those missing hours.


LOL what missing hours we are in a pandemic we haven't left each others sides in nearly 2 years we are both working from home too lol. I don't think he's gay and to be honest if you haven't got any actual insight or anything useful to say then I really just see your comment as trolling.


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## SarahGoblin (Nov 6, 2021)

Talker67 said:


> not necessarily. i have been told that well over 50% of crossdressers are NOT gay or bi.
> 
> but who knows for sure....a lot of crossdressers do show up on sissy websites where either
> 1) a female Dominatrix makes them dress up (i.e. feminizes them), and often forces they to either please a man, or play with another cross dresser sexually
> ...


Hi thanks for your reply. We already do subscribe to dom and sub characters when intimate, just not throughout our daily lives. We have children so we try not to let it spill into our daily lives. But that's not the sort of thing he's after. He wants to be intimate dressed as a female but does not want to be dominated. It's hard to explain. Obviously most of what you have said is online, but what he's after I cannot find much on. He doesn't want to become another persona he wants to be him dressed as a female but still be addressed as a male, he wants sex dressed as a female but not to be dominated, he wants to keep it a secret and he still wants sex with me and not men. He doesn't fit any pigeon hole I've read about thus far so I don't know how to help him or myself. I don't think this is probably the right forum. Thanks for your advice though.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

In your position I would have to end the marriage while hopefully staying on good terms. I couldn't have sex with a man who was dressed as a woman and it seems that he is doing this more and more.
He must surely realise that for most wives this wouldn't work.
I would also say to him that he must tell your daughter and if he doesn't then you will. This just isn't something that can be kept secret as you have already found out. If you do part then the children will need to be told if they are old enough.

You didn't know about this before you married so didn't have the chance to end it then.

Honestly, he doesn't have to do this, he chooses to. It's very disrespectful towards you and the children.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Talker67 said:


> not necessarily. i have been told that well over 50% of crossdressers are NOT gay or bi.
> 
> but who knows for sure....a lot of crossdressers do show up on sissy websites where either
> 1) a female Dominatrix makes them dress up (i.e. feminizes them), and often forces they to either please a man, or play with another cross dresser sexually
> ...


Not sure many girlfriends would want to be involved in that.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

SarahGoblin said:


> I don't think this is probably the right forum.


Try the reddit forums. They have a very diverse membership.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

SarahGoblin said:


> My partner and father of my 3 children told me over a year ago he fantasised about going out in women's clothing. We talked through his feelings and he's adamant he doesn't want to live as a woman or even to dress as a woman on a daily basis. It does nothing for me but I'm his partner so said I would support him. Silly me didn't think we'd have to talk about boundaries. He's been going out in women's underwear with makeup on for a while but the other day he went out in a full women's outfit. Now given he wants this to be a secret from everyone* I just presumed he was going out out of our local area like this (he does this in the evenings for a few hours a few times a week).* After his last outing I received a message from a friend saying they saw my partner dressed as a woman. This in itself does not phase me however he wants it to be a secret and although I tried to bluff my way through the conversation the impact of this is wider reaching. Her teenage son was with her and saw my partner and they happen to be in our teenage daughters class. My daughter is already quiet, shy and reserved and my friends son isn't the nicest boy. Whilst my daughter would not have any bad feelings or attitude towards her father cross dressing she would be upset being told about it from her class mate rather than her parents. I told my partner that I could not believe he expected me to keep this to myself to not talk about it to anyone and yet he was being cavelier with our families feelings and risking being caught in our local neighbourhood. He said he will now go further afield but will not discuss with our daughter and will not allow me to either. I get that it's not my place to divulge his secret but I need someone to talk to too. You see since his dressing like a woman I have found him less sexually desirable. He's tried several times to get me to sleep with him dressed up and I did a couple of times to make him happy but I get nothing from it and don't want to do it anymore. We have always been sexually experimental and I've always said ill support trying things and him exploring as he's less sexually experienced than I. How do I encourage him to explore the things he wants to try (which I feel is important for him to explore) when it's the very thing that I'm finding hard to deal with. I dearly love him but I feel we are heading in different directions. At the same time I don't want to hurt him, knock his confidence or stop him exploring things. I don't know what to do. I can't talk to anyone without disclosing and I don't want to betray his trust. I'm happy to be his friend still and hold his hand through this, I just don't think I want this relationship anymore, I lived our sex life before but it seems to revolve around crossdressing now and I feel he may be in denial somewhat. If anyone has any advice I'd be so grateful.


I won’t “troll” your thread further, but the bold above was the few hours I referred to. Since your writing is too garbled to comprehend the actual meaning, I mistakenly thought he was “going out of your area for a few hours a few times a week”.
My bad.


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## Luckylucky (Dec 11, 2020)

Look this absolutely stinks. 

I’m not bothered by a man wanting to cross dress, but it’s sinister and sickening that he’s controlling the narrative at home. And parading outdoors for the world to see. That’s not right. How is this ok??? 

You and your daughter are living in a prison, you know that? 

I’m very disturbed. You’re basically living under his ‘do as I say, not as I do rule.’ And you’re being so nice and understanding and loving. And he’s not. I feel for you and your daughter.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

SarahGoblin said:


> _*LOL what missing hours we are in a pandemic we haven't left each others sides in nearly 2 years we are both working from home too lol. I don't think he's gay and to be honest if you haven't got any actual insight or anything useful to say then I really just see your comment as trolling.*_



Wow. Denial ain't just a river in Egypt.

In your haste to vehemently deny the possible truth that he's likely doing _a lot_ more than just innocently sashaying around town in his finery in what you *assumed* was far enough away from your own town, you completely *contradicted* yourself. In your initial post, you said he goes out a 'few times a week' all dressed up and since you assumed he was going out of your town, that means you DON'T go with him or you'd know exactly where he was going each and every time. That mans you *DON'T* know what he's getting up to once he leaves.

And when someone brought up the obvious - that he's likely doing a little more than you likely think he is - you claim that you've been plastered to his hip for the last 2 years due to Covid and that the poster is obviously a "troll." 

So which is it???? Do you go with him *every single time* or not? If not, then you DON'T know what he's getting up to once he leaves the house and it's extremely naive to be claiming someone's a troll for daring to mention the OBVIOUS. 

Delude yourself all you want but that will just get you steamrolled by him when you find out the likely truth down the road.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

How does he expect people to know he wants to be addressed as a man when he's all gussied up as a woman? Seriously? Is he going to get bent out of shape if he is referred to as she/her when he's in drag? How much mind reading are people expected to do to accommodate someone's quirks?


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

Blondilocks said:


> How does he expect people to know he wants to be addressed as a man when he's all gussied up as a woman? Seriously? Is he going to get bent out of shape if he is referred to as she/her when he's in drag? How much mind reading are people expected to do to accommodate someone's quirks?


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

SarahGoblin said:


> Thanks for the reply. No he couldn't fit in my clothes he is nearly a foot taller than me. I don't think he'd did experiment before talking to me about it, but I get your point. At no point have I thought he is gay so I'm confused by that reference. However it is a lifestyle choice I'm not really into. If he was to fully embrace it and be honest about it then it may be somewhat easier but lying and keeping it from everyone and the situation potentially upsetting my children is the hardest part.
> I guess you are correct it looks like we need to part ways so he can continue to explore this and I can be happy too. Thank you


No, he's probably not gay. I've only known one cross dresser well, but also had a friend whose first husband did it. The one I knew well explained it all to me. His ideal situation was to find a woman to have sex with him while he was dressed up because he felt very sexy dressed up. But he wasn't into men. Now, that quest is usually a losing proposition for them. Because that's a small specialized segment of women they seek. You're not one of them but are just going along some -- and I think it's important to let him know you are just going along once in awhile but that you are NOT turned on by it. If he can understand his own desire to do this, he should be able to understand everyone is different and that women who would go along with it are few and far between.

So you make him understand that he is lucky you are even going along with it since it does nothing for you and in fact is a bit of a turnoff and that you do not wish to make a steady diet of it. Part of their thrill IS going out and being mistaken for a woman, which they rarely are in fact. And you should insist he goes very far afield for that. It's unlikely he'll get laid doing it, honestly. He is seeking some admiration, however, and that is also unlikely to really end up being a success. The guy I knew flew out of state to a locale somewhere on the East Coast that had become a mecca (in the 90s) for that type of thing, and supposedly, the few women drawn to it might also congregate there. I believe that was Provincetown, MA. But the guy I knew didn't really want just a hookup, so I don't think he ever did get laid. I knew his whole history and he had gotten burned real bad by one girlfriend before all this started and nothing since, though I know he had crushes that he never did anything about and was seeing a counselor to understand himself.

He had a separate name for when he was in that identity. I am indulgent to support people who have gender differences and supported him as best I could, even buying him girl gifts like a leopard bra once. But then I wasn't his mate who was having their family and community shook up about it. Just remember you have a right to participate as much or little as you want and you should be sure he knows where you stand on it sexually if it does nothing for you. 

Now, the friend's husband didn't try to make her a part of it and it wasn't a big production, just liked to get into her underwear, etc. but didn't drag her into it and they had a good sex life.


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