# Just a Thought



## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

Been on my mind a lot lately as I read here.

All the time we spend trying to figure OTHER people out. Trying to understand the opposite sex - our own spouse. Asking what THEY want.

Is that not a really big part of the problem? We become so worried about what other people want that we lose ourselves?

Isn't putting yourself FIRST almost always the right answer?

I think if I have a NUT - its to be myself at all times. Don't try to be a chameleon and mold myself into what I "think" other people want in order to have them like me.

I've worked for the same manager for almost 10 years now. When I first started with him, I noticed that he didn't seem to appreciate my humor. So - I just quit trying to be humurous around him. But I use humor as a defense mechanism sometimes when I'm uncomfortable. I also noticed that he was much more likely to laugh or lighten up when he saw how other people reacted to me.

Nowadays I'll still use humor around him - even when its just the two of us. He still doesn't laugh much - but I no longer care. Thats just who I am.


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

Sometimes we care too much about what other people think of us, we can't be ourselves. 

It is important for us to be ourselves. 

My opinion now, as long as I am not trying to hurt anybody, I say what's in my mind, I do what I like, I behave the way I want to. It is me, the real me! 

I don't pretend, I don't fake, I don't kiss ass, I am just a kind person! 

If he laughs at my joke, great; if he doesn't laugh at my joke, OK, I still get to be myself, I am happy!


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## DanF (Sep 27, 2010)

Well, I learned that if I was going to continue to live with the woman I love, I needed to make some changes.
If my wife wanted to continue to live with me, she needed to make some changes.
I don't think adjusting traits in order to live in harmony is the same as changing your personality.
I am still the same person, I just have made a few modifications for the better.
So has she.


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## louiswin (Nov 4, 2010)

In a marriage, especially it's important to be yourself. After all, didn't your significant other fall in love with that person? Yes, there is always room for improvement in you character, but shouldn't change who you are at the core. Just my two cents. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

greenpearl said:


> It is important for us to be ourselves.


How is it even possible to be anything other then ourselves? Its not really an option.


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## Trenton (Aug 25, 2010)

It depends what you want to get out of a relationship.


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

Blanca said:


> How is it even possible to be anything other then ourselves? Its not really an option.


A lot of us spend a lot of time trying - trying to either really change, or at least fool someone else into thinking we are something different - something we "think" they want - and losing ourselves in the process.


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

nice777guy said:


> A lot of us spend a lot of time trying - trying to either really change, or at least fool someone else into thinking we are something different - something we "think" they want - and losing ourselves in the process.


You werent losing yourself, you were expressing a part of yourself and learning how that part of yourself affects your happiness. I know its hard to see that since you feel you've been repressing certain aspects of your personality. Now that you realize that that doesnt bring you happiness you'll try a different persona to achieve your goal. but its been you all the time. what you'll find is that the new persona you're taking on will not bring you as much happiness as you think it should and you'll have to adjust this one also. im sure you'll end up finding a happy medium once you're done bouncing between extremes.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

I've never been a materialistic guy, nor a hard-working one, I really enjoyed the simple life. Having a child however changed me, and made me work 84 hrs a week to the point I ended up taking over the business. I didn't change my personality, but being non-hardworking was a flaw I needed to change.

I've never been a romantic, I grew up in an environment where all this lovey dovey crap I considered 'weak' and 'pathetic'. But fast forward past my childhood the missus needs her 'words of affirmation' so I've realised my flaw and in the process of changing it to be a better husband. This particular flaw can be considered changing my personality, but it's for the better yes?


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

Part of the "not fully formed" thought in my head was how refreshing it would be to find someone posting:

'What is HER Problem?'

Followed by a long rant by a confident person who is truly puzzled as to why his spouse would want to leave.

But instead, the post is always "Where Did I Go Wrong" or "How Do I Get Her Back?"


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

That's because we're only responsible for ourselves as individuals, just how it is. Cruel world.


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

RandomDude said:


> I've never been a materialistic guy, nor a hard-working one, I really enjoyed the simple life. Having a child however changed me, and made me work 84 hrs a week to the point I ended up taking over the business. I didn't change my personality, but being non-hardworking was a flaw I needed to change.
> 
> I've never been a romantic, I grew up in an environment where all this lovey dovey crap I considered 'weak' and 'pathetic'. But fast forward past my childhood the missus needs her 'words of affirmation' so I've realised my flaw and in the process of changing it to be a better husband. This particular flaw can be considered changing my personality, but it's for the better yes?


That's called refining yourself. 

No human being is perfect, if we think more about ourselves, try to discover ourselves, try to find out where we have to work on, then change that, it is only making us more pleasant people! 

I had to do a lot. 

First anger, then insecurity, then understanding others, then learning to love, then learning to accept imperfection................it is still going, life is all about learning.......................


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## marcopoly69 (Sep 7, 2010)

DanF said:


> Well, I learned that if I was going to continue to live with the woman I love, I needed to make some changes.
> If my wife wanted to continue to live with me, she needed to make some changes.
> I don't think adjusting traits in order to live in harmony is the same as changing your personality.
> I am still the same person, I just have made a few modifications for the better.
> So has she.


:iagree::iagree:


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## marcopoly69 (Sep 7, 2010)

I think is important to keep the essence of who you are, your personality, and character but defenetly, as we grow up and experience the world, our perspective of things start changing, the more educated we become about everything, the more we change our perceptions of how we feel about things. So change is good as long as you still the same persona. I am an idealist, my wife is simple and quite....so for the most, our relationship worked just fine. Well, we got to a point of our lives where we needed to connect again and agree if what we wanted from our relationship was the same. If it is the same, then you have to change....if you are not loving enough, you have to make a concious effort, if you don't have a very high sex drive, you need to consciously try to increase the number of love sessions with your spouse....the idea here is to make an effort to fullfil the needs of the other...and in the process find a balance.....there are things that you always are going to have problems with and once you realized that you just can't keep pushing because your spouse is doing her/his very best, then you need to find in yourself a way to deal with those emotions...but yes change is important...


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## lime (Jul 3, 2010)

I think it's very important to be yourself!

It can be tough at work, especially if you need to shift your personality around to close deals or make sales, etc. That said, however, I think most people are like me in that they can totally tell when someone is putting on an act. I appreciate honesty, even if I don't like someone's personality or click with them...I would rather that than fakeness!


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