# My husband's aunt keeps touching me at work.



## Stella1978 (Dec 23, 2017)

I need advice.Sorry for the long post, I would really appreciate it if you read it.I have a very strange situation to handle.I don't know how to get out of this situation?I'm writing this post because basically I'm lost.I don't know what to do?Four months ago we moved to my husband's hometown.His whole family is here.I am a 39year old 5ft10 tall heterosexual curvy hourgllass shaped attractive brunette.I I like dressing well, and looking presentable. I don't dress sl*tty at all. 

My boobs are 32 f bra size though and I do have a big butt. My hourglass shape is unique and i am tall, and I appreciate that.If you are curvy, tall and busty, many clothes tend to look sexier on you than on a thin person. So things that fit properly that are relatively conservative can be suddenly too revealing and sexy when you put it on. This happens to me a lot.I wear almost always my satin and silk blouses fully buttoned to the top combined with a satin skirt or satin pants. I prefer wearing satin pants and a little shorter satin skirts, always above knees, sometimes even quite much, but not any miniskirts anyway. 

I am always on high heels and full make up on.I am always in tight form fitting satin and silk clothes. I am a stylish person.I usually stay away from anything too revealing.I am describing myself because i want you to know the complexity of the situation.On november 1st i started working at my mother's in law company.My husband's aunt his mother's younger sister works there.She is skinny really short like 5ft3 wrinkled face thin lips creepy green eyes grayhaired masculine 53year old woman.She started touching me on my first day there.

She said that she likes to caress satin fabric and that silk and satin is so smooth to the touch when rubbing.She said that she just can’t resist touching and stroking satin fabric.She started rubbing my back,touching my hair,wrap her hands around my waist, tight from behind and hugging me (for no reason) while I am busy at various tasks.On my first day she came up behind me while I was at my desk and started rubbing my shoulders.I decided to try tolerating it, since this woman is my husband's aunt.

She always touches me, hugs me, holds my hand, places her arm around my waist.She puts her arms around me when we're standing side-by-side and talking and she randomly comes by at my office and gives me shoulder and back massages.She is always constantly patting my lower back and touching my hair.She is always hugging me around my waist.Sometimes several hugs in a row.She also always place her hand on my ass when i stand beside her.

Also because she is really short and i am tall always when she is hugging me she is pressing her face on my breasts and she is "accidentally"coping a feel of my butt. She is always placing her hands on my breasts while facing me talking about work .Any time I'm even within arm's reach of her, I feel her caressing me.When I show her something on the computer screen , she has to lean (with some force) on me.One time at her office we were working on something. I started to rise from the chair while she was still sitting, and she then reached over and squeezed my butt about four or five times quickly. 

I pulled away, but it took me by such surprise I didn't know what to do, and I actually laughed, even though that was the last thing I felt like doing.Also she is constantly 'accidentally' brushing her face against my breasts while walking by me or when we are engaged in a task.She seems harmless to me because I am physically stronger than her i am 5ft10 tall well built well endowed and curvy.She is like 5ft3 tall skinny.I am always on high heels she is always in flat shoes.Standing next to me she looks like a midget.She always links arms with me and walks leaning into me.

But all the touching has been getting creepy.She isn't a horrible woman she is really very pleasant but something about her and her need to hug or touch me makes me very uncomfortable.Now I don't want her to feel badly - but I want this touching,rubbing and hugging behaviour to stop.What can I say to her, or what can I do so this'll stop?How do I tell her off without causing tension at work and in the family?How can I discourage this woman my husband's aunt from touching me/hugging me/getting in my personal space in a way that makes me uncomfortable without offending her?

I know that many women have to deal with worse, and I should just "man up", but I am an extremely non-confrontational person, and I usually prefer to endure something uncomfortable than draw attention or displease the other person.I don't know her very well and don't want to push any sensitive buttons.She is never touching me in front of my mother in law.My mother in law is very protective of her.My husband and I have been married for 8 years and have a 7year old daughter! When I started dating my husband my future mother-in-law immediately tried to break us up and has talked about me horribly to my husband since then. 

Trust me, I have tried to apologize many times for misunderstandings (mostly in the beginning of our relationship over 10 years ago) and slowly backed away as she continued to be quite mean/abusive and wouldn’t change no matter what we tried to do.My husband doesn't have the balls to say ANYTHING to her.She is always commenting on my clothing saying that i am overdressed.I am dressing like this since i graduated college and got my first office job.It is my whole wardrobe.Its how i like to dress myself and that is my style.

I always like to dress on my best, because I also feel great when I’m dressed pretty. Once, i’d been to the hairdressers and was off to do a little shopping afterwards and the girl at the salon asked where i was going looking so glamorous – i said i was going shopping and she was like “really? You look so glammed up to be going shopping!” I don’t mind though, i’d rather be wearing something i feel good in than look like i just rolled out of bed.I wear high heels every day too.All the time. I work i do everything i can to get my mother in law to like me but she says no my husband don't understand why is mom feels like this.

I've got to be careful and handle this gracefully.My mother in law is very attached to her younger sister.I really don't know what to do?There is nothing more i can do. Either i take it the way it is, or i just tell my husband's aunt to stop, which of course involves the risk that it messes up everything. And probably it will no matter what i say.How do I tell her off without causing tension? She is extremely touchy and feely with me.She does have "power" over me. She can muck things up for me with her sister my mother in law.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Suggestion: Most of us don't want to read a wall of text. If you spit your post into paragraphs, it would be easier to read. Thus, you would likely get more responses. JMO.


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

Tell the aunt you feel uncomfortable. 

Look for another job. Separate yourself from negativity?


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## Bobby5000 (Oct 19, 2011)

A car is coming at me while I am walking, solution, get away. It's is obvious this is very strange, and you need to get another job. Pretty sure your mother-in-law will take her sister's side in a fight but if there is no other job available at any salary, then you will have to deal with this, and the many hours of stress that will result.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Tell the woman to keep her hands off you. Have you never learned how to tell a molester to leave you alone?

If you are afraid of family not believing you, get a spy camera and put it in your office. So that when she comes in you get her with her hands all over you on video. Then tell her to keep her hands off you.

And then go look for another job.


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## Stella1978 (Dec 23, 2017)

Bobby5000 said:


> A car is coming at me while I am walking, solution, get away. It's is obvious this is very strange, and you need to get another job. Pretty sure your mother-in-law will take her sister's side in a fight but if there is no other job available at any salary, then you will have to deal with this, and the many hours of stress that will result.


I can't just quit this job.This is a smallish town.There aren’t many job opportunities.I fear I won’t be able to find work.I really need this salary. We were forced to move from the suburbs to my husband's hometown , due to financial constraints.My husband business venture collapsed.We lost our home.Settling into our new home was hard.My husband is depressed.His depression is hurting our day-to-day life, and I admit to feeling very frustrated sometimes.I love my husband dearly, but I’m having a really hard time feeling 100% respectful of him right now, and I hate that feeling.How can I help him and support him when I’m feeling so scared and frustrated myself?His mother is a very successful local business woman.She has built her company from scratch.My mother in law spends very little time at the office.Her sister my husband's aunt is running the office for her.Other women there my coworkers(all female workplace) think that i am stuck up and arrogant upper middle class snob.I feel like these women my mother in law's employees don't really like me.Me being spineless is due to my intense fear of conflict with this short skinny mature woman my husband's aunt. I just automatically want to do everything possible to keep conflict down with her and I always sacrifice my dignity for it. I tell myself that "next time" I will say NO to her. Always "next time" but next time never comes.This woman my husband's aunt is a squeeze hugger that lasts too long in a vice grip.She is important to me as a coworker and family member,so I'm willing to sit/stand out the awkward touching and hugging and just think of something else while it's happening.She is being unnecessarily touchy-feely.She tends to stand really close – it’s like she doesn’t seem to respect my personal space. It is getting very uncomfortable.The other day she needed to ask me a question. My client and I were so engrossed on our project that neither of us noticed her walk in. She put her both hands around my waist to get my attention. Then she kept her hands there until I finished my answer to her. I felt awkward about it, but didn't want to say or do anything in front of the client. A half-hour later I felt it was too weird to bring it up, so I just let it go. She would touch me a lot on my hands, shoulders and back when discussing work-related topics.She finds any excuse to touch me.Yesterday she hugged me from behind when I was sitting down and stroked my breasts before moving to my shoulders.She leans over me when I show her something on the computer screen.She is not very aware of personal space, she tends to stand very close and walk so close that she can trip me, she also always puts her face very close to my breasts.I have no desire to do anything sexual with a women.I am 100% straight.I've never had any desire to do anything sexual with a female. In all honest just thinking about possibly kissing a female makes me cringe.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

I don’t see a problem here. “Granny, keep your hands off of me!”

Problem solved.


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## Bonkers (Nov 26, 2017)

Stella1978 said:


> Yesterday she hugged me from behind when I was sitting down and stroked my breasts before moving to my shoulders.


That was very well written, it gave me a very clear mental picture.

I was going to type some possible solutions but I forget all of them.


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## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

Buy some cotton clothes.


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## Bonkers (Nov 26, 2017)

Quit your day job and start writing romance novels.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

First, video the transgression to have evidence - hidden camera, but no sound (because sound may not be legal where you live).
Second, tell her to stop molesting you.
Third, if she does not stop, call the police and file an official complaint.
Fourth, show family the videos.
Fifth, get another job unless she leaves.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

@Stella1978 I do not care what you look like. Short, tall, beautiful or otherwise. Unwanted touching is still wrong!

She must stop. HR should be involved.


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## FalCod (Dec 6, 2017)

I'm sorry that this is happening to you. We are accustomed to hearing about men molesting women in the workplace, but not women doing it to women. 

You are in a difficult situation. I'd start by discussing this with your husband. Make sure that he understands how uncomfortable you feel.


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## Stella1978 (Dec 23, 2017)

Married but Happy said:


> First, video the transgression to have evidence - hidden camera, but no sound (because sound may not be legal where you live).
> Second, tell her to stop molesting you.
> Third, if she does not stop, call the police and file an official complaint.
> Fourth, show family the videos.
> Fifth, get another job unless she leaves.


I dont know what to do?I really don't want to upset this touchy feely woman my husband's aunt.Since my husband's company collapsed he is dependent on my mother in law for smallest of things...from paying bills to purchasing household things etc. He cannot take financial decisions on his own. His mother keeps a check on each and every thing. To the extent that she keeps him (my husband) financially dependent on her.She makes him feel guilty whenever he buys me something nice or helps me out with something. Often, she makes fun of us.She actually told me once that I am accepted only because I am her son's wife and so she know's she has to put up with me. She also told me one time recently that she would love nothing more than to have a close relationship with her son and his daughter(my daughter).UMMM... hello she is my child too and I feel like if you want to have a close relationship with my child then you better try and have a relationship with me too.I am not going to change my dressing style because of this touchy feely woman my mother in law's sister.I am dressing like this since i graduated college and got my first office job.It is my whole wardrobe.Its how i like to dress myself and that is my style.Well, I am considered by myself and others to be extremely elegant, and I take great pride in that.I like dressing well, and looking presentable. 
Most of my outfit are satin pant and skirt suits satin coats and satin and silk blouses.I am always on high heels and full make up on.Being tall and curvy draws attention on its own. This can be both postive and negative. I tower over plenty of men and women. I love my height and my curvy stature. I love satin and silk clothes and dressing up too.My mother in law always bad mouth about my parents (which I found out from my husband ). My parents didn't do anything to offend her. In fact, my mom even thinks my mil is very friendly and nice lady. My mom doesn't know about I cannot get along with my mil and her true personality. 
There arer a lot, a lot of bad things about my mil which cannot be finished in typing.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

@Stella1978 Are you in the USA? Or somewhere else?


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## Stella1978 (Dec 23, 2017)

MattMatt said:


> @Stella1978 Are you in the USA? Or somewhere else?


Yes.New England.Small town.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Have you noticed that you have repeated yourself several times here, going on and on about how attractive you are, about your figure, how amazing you are, how tall and curvy you are, how you always wear high heels and full make up, clingy satin clothes etc etc etc. Me thinks you are actually quite insecure otherwise why do you need to do this? Its not relevant to the issues you have. 
You have also been pretty rude about this other woman and her looks, comparing her to yourself a few times now. Try and wear more work-type clothes, smart casual, more modest, not the sort of thing that most wear for evenings out. There is a reason why the other women do not take to you. 


If this post is real, and I have my doubts, all you have to do it to tell her straight to stop touching you. Also you need to tell your husband. Tell her that if she keeps on doing this you will go to the police.

To be honest I think the best thing for you both is to move right away. His mother doesn't like you, his aunt is sexually molesting you, and you can both look for work elsewhere. Otherwise you will always be tied to this family.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Does your husband have a job right now? Is he earning an income? If not, why not?

You have been given the solution to your problem several times... get videos of the aunt touching you. Then take her aside and politely ask her to stop touching you. And tell her that if she ever touches you again you will file sexual harassment charges against her.

Also show your husband he videos so that he understands that the problem is. Make sure you have copies of the videos where they are safe, perhaps on the cloud.

Right now you are not a victim, you are a willing participant in this. You have allowed this woman to touch you in a sexual manner over and over and not stopped her. How would she know that you are not excepting of this touch if you have allowed it over and over again???? It's your responsibility to tell her to stop.

I agree with the other person who said that there is something off in the way you talk about your appearance. You seem to have a very unhealthy infatuation with your own appearance. It's one thing to have love and respect for one's self. It's quite another to be so enamored with one's own appearance. This is probably why the others who you work with are not showing a liking for you. They are picking up on your overly inflated opinion of yourself. Try to find some humility. And I agree that you need to consider adding clothing to your wardrobe that it not satin and silk. Fine wools and cotton are just as elegant, often more elegant for work than satin as satin is more for evening and formal ware, not the work place.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

How far is it to the next city from where you live?


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> How far is it to the next city from where you live?


Because there should be good public transport options so you could get a job in the next city or town.

There's always another way to fix a problem.


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## Stella1978 (Dec 23, 2017)

EleGirl said:


> Does your husband have a job right now? Is he earning an income? If not, why not?
> 
> You have been given the solution to your problem several times... get videos of the aunt touching you. Then take her aside and politely ask her to stop touching you. And tell her that if she ever touches you again you will file sexual harassment charges against her.
> 
> ...


My husband is unemployed since his company declared bankruptcy in April this year.We lost our home.The bank foreclosed on our house.All the while, he has done our finances and never really was open to my having access to them. I think it was a control issue at first and later he didn't want me to know. That is why we had to move here in his hometown. I feel like I have lost my husband.The point is he is unhappy, and as a result things are not good between us.He is always finding the negative in everything. I try to talk to him and ask him why he is so angry. He doesn't say anything. At times, he just looks at me and I just cry. Now we are totally in his mother's hands.We live in a house that is her property.I work at my mother in law firm.I am considered by these women my new coworkers to be very serious, arrogant, and stuck up.One female work colleague has described me as a ‘snob’ on about half a dozen occasions for the past month. I still don’t really know why. I know on one of those occasions it was because I turned down the offer to go to on a drink with her after hours… How not wanting to go somewhere makes me a ‘snob’, I don’t know…Alot of people ( females in general) pre-dislike me, unto they get to know me and find out that I'm a not stuck on myself at all.I'm the kind of person that only speaks if I have something to say and I keep my business to myself.I like satin and silk clothes and I wear them well.I have a more stylish sense of fashion. I never wear anything trashy, I keep myself well covered and strive for professionalism and class.I am not going to change my dressing style.You are totally right.My mother in law don't like me so i wanted to make friends with her sister at work so i decided to try tolerating touching,rubbing and hugging by her.It was a big mistake.It is my fault.What can I say to her, or what can I do so this'll stop?I really don't want to offend her because of my mother in law.My mother in law is very protective of her sister.


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## Stella1978 (Dec 23, 2017)

EleGirl said:


> How far is it to the next city from where you live?


30 minutes drive.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Stella1978 said:


> 30 minutes drive.



What town would that be? I only ask because it will help us to be better able to help you

There are, for example, some schemes in your state to help people like your husband.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Stella1978 said:


> You are totally right.My mother in law don't like me so i wanted to make friends with her sister at work so i decided to try tolerating touching,rubbing and hugging by her.It was a big mistake.It is my fault.What can I say to her, or what can I do so this'll stop?I really don't want to offend her because of my mother in law.My mother in law is very protective of her sister.


Ask the woman to have a discussion with you in private. And in private tell her something like:

"I need for you to know that I am uncomfortable with you touch me, hugging me, touching my breasts, etc. From now on please keep your hands off of me. Your touching in inappropriate.

We can be co-workers, family members and co-workers without you molesting me."

That's the end of it.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Stella1978 said:


> 30 minutes drive.


Then you live close enough to the city for you to get a job there.

Your husband also lives close enough to get a job in the city. 

Then the two of you can move.

Have you considered that you can get a job in the city. Then you can rent a small apartment. If your husband wants to move with you, then he can. And he can get a job.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Why dont you both look for jobs elsewhere? Then you can move and be independent. I don't get why he hasn't got a job. So his business folded, but that doesn't stop him from working. 
As for women not liking you, you may well be giving off an unfriendly air, and would it do you any harm to go out with them occasionally? Maybe they see that you think you are superior to them because of the high opinion you have of the way you look and how you dress. However you are not prepared to help yourself by dressing down and more sensibly for work. Most people dress differently for different things in their life, work, home, going out etc.


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## Stella1978 (Dec 23, 2017)

EleGirl said:


> Then you live close enough to the city for you to get a job there.
> 
> Your husband also lives close enough to get a job in the city.
> 
> ...


The reality is that I'm ready to pack up and go to the city. Problem is my husband wants to stay here in his hometown.He did suggest I go and take our daughter and I can't believe he said that. How could he give her up like that? I would NEVER say that to him, so part of me says if that's how much she means to him, I may as well.My husband said to me that he is not motivated to seek job point blank the other day, after we discussed the solution to our financial problems would be for him to simply get a job.He never cleans. I'm going crazy. I work all day, come home and eat something quick, play with my daughter.Then I clean the kitchen, pick up the living room and I do laundry.I don't think it's fair that he doesn't do any house work when he is home all day long.I feel like I'm nagging him constantly about cleaning up after himself and our daughter during the day. I just don't think I should be doing everything.


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## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

Stella1978 said:


> The reality is that I'm ready to pack up and go to the city. Problem is my husband wants to stay here in his hometown.He did suggest I go and take our daughter and I can't believe he said that. How could he give her up like that? I would NEVER say that to him, so part of me says if that's how much she means to him, I may as well.My husband said to me that he is not motivated to seek job point blank the other day, after we discussed the solution to our financial problems would be for him to simply get a job.He never cleans. I'm going crazy. I work all day, come home and eat something quick, play with my daughter.Then I clean the kitchen, pick up the living room and I do laundry.I don't think it's fair that he doesn't do any house work when he is home all day long.I feel like I'm nagging him constantly about cleaning up after himself and our daughter during the day. I just don't think I should be doing everything.



He depressed and controlling ...why arnd't you included in the fiances of your family?

Start an exit plan.

Start looking for a job in the city.
Tell him to start looking for a job and that your getting frustrated with this situation. Something has to change .

Give him some encouragement. Tell him he can find a job and we can pull out of this together but not under the wing of the mother and lesiban aunt.

Set a time frame and start managing the money you earn. Get you own bank acc. And direct deposit.

Brush up you resume. And start looking for a job in the city. Price appartments.

Let him see you doing this and if he balks tell him your serious it time for him to get out of this funk or your leaving.


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## Stella1978 (Dec 23, 2017)

Diana7 said:


> Why dont you both look for jobs elsewhere? Then you can move and be independent. I don't get why he hasn't got a job. So his business folded, but that doesn't stop him from working.
> As for women not liking you, you may well be giving off an unfriendly air, and would it do you any harm to go out with them occasionally? Maybe they see that you think you are superior to them because of the high opinion you have of the way you look and how you dress. However you are not prepared to help yourself by dressing down and more sensibly for work. Most people dress differently for different things in their life, work, home, going out etc.


 My husband just wants to sit at home and watch T.V. and go out with his old high school friends.My husband straight told me he doesnt have to get a job. That is pretty messed up, you know.When I am feeling stressed, blue, or overwhelmed, I will dress up a bit more than usual (which is already 'up' for this cummunity my husband's home town), and put more time and effort into my hair and make up. I think it's part of the 'fake it til you make it' mentality that I have adopted. If I look pretty, it helps me to feel a little better.And very often, to cheer myself up, I'll wear red.Btw, that doesn't mean I'm always down when I wear red, just that sometimes red is my way of subconsciously sending myself positive messages. It puts me in better spirits when I look fab. It helps me feel fab on less fab days.I always dress up when I'm feeling down.In fact I think the more down I feel the more I dress up, put make up and such.Partly because it's the fake till you make mentality, partly because I have no patience for feeling sorry for myself.I definitely feel better and more competent/capable of getting through the day if I dress up a little extra on the days when I don't feel good, but have something pretty important going on.I've been doing a lot of that lately.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

As long as you continue as you have been, nothing will change. Keep letting the creepy woman feel you up at work. Keep letting your husband sit home, play and take advantage of you. You are letting this continue. It's your choice, you choose it.

Dressing up pretty is not going to change the mess you are in. It's going to take character and strength.

You cannot change your husband. The only person you can change is yourself. So do that... change your self so that you have the life that you want. Go get a good job in the city, take your daughter and move.

And maybe, if your husband finds out that he's going to lose you and his daughter, he might wake up, get a job and move with you. And if he does not, you can move on with your life.

.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Stella1978 said:


> My husband just wants to sit at home and watch T.V. and go out with his old high school friends.My husband straight told me he doesnt have to get a job. That is pretty messed up, you know.When I am feeling stressed, blue, or overwhelmed, I will dress up a bit more than usual (which is already 'up' for this cummunity my husband's home town), and put more time and effort into my hair and make up. I think it's part of the 'fake it til you make it' mentality that I have adopted. If I look pretty, it helps me to feel a little better.And very often, to cheer myself up, I'll wear red.Btw, that doesn't mean I'm always down when I wear red, just that sometimes red is my way of subconsciously sending myself positive messages. It puts me in better spirits when I look fab. It helps me feel fab on less fab days.I always dress up when I'm feeling down.In fact I think the more down I feel the more I dress up, put make up and such.Partly because it's the fake till you make mentality, partly because I have no patience for feeling sorry for myself.I definitely feel better and more competent/capable of getting through the day if I dress up a little extra on the days when I don't feel good, but have something pretty important going on.I've been doing a lot of that lately.


So basically you need clothes and make up for you own self esteem which isn't good. Nor it is helpful for where you live. 

Your husbands comment that he doesn't need to work is terrible. What sort of man is he who just sits at home all day doing nothing while his wife goes out working? 
I do think you need to set some rules here. Tough love. You are going to look for work elsewhere and if he doesn't do the same the marriage may be over. He will carry on being lazy if you allow it. He must look for work or you will leave.


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## Stella1978 (Dec 23, 2017)

Diana7 said:


> So basically you need clothes and make up for you own self esteem which isn't good. Nor it is helpful for where you live.
> 
> Your husbands comment that he doesn't need to work is terrible. What sort of man is he who just sits at home all day doing nothing while his wife goes out working?
> I do think you need to set some rules here. Tough love. You are going to look for work elsewhere and if he doesn't do the same the marriage may be over. He will carry on being lazy if you allow it. He must look for work or you will leave.


To be honest I have a (relatively) well paying job.My mother in law is making me work extra hours but for a good pay.I'm thinking about moving to the city for better quality of life but haven't got a job lined up yet. Is it all practical to start looking at places to rent before I know I have a job to go to? My thoughts being that I will gathering together some money and then move giving me better chance at finding a job.I don't have savings I can draw from.My husband has no enthusiasm or motivation to do anything.I've noticed that lately he has taken a turn for the worse. He's not been himself for a while now and it's causing me to be miserable.I know he is struggling but I am too and I've reached my limit. I've had enough. I'm feeling crap myself, and like I'm doing everything for the family.I have suggested speaking to someone about it but he's not interested.I really want to yell at this woman my husband's aunt to get her goddamn hands off my body but I can’t get angry. I just can’t. Not in the moment–I shut down like a security camera with a miswired motion detector, and it’s only later that I realize what I should have done. By then, it’s too late to confront her, and it’s turned into a pattern and what am I supposed to do then?What am I supposed to do?For the past two months she is touching me,hugging me,rubbing me,feeling me up on a daily basis at work and she is getting away with it.This weird short skinny woman my mother's in law sister is always commenting that i am so tall,big and soft.It all my fault.I wanted to make friends with her.I can't just punch her in the face.I am physically stronger than her,she is short and skinny,but i have never been in a fight my whole life.I am afraid of any kind of physical altercation.


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

Why is your husbands family treating you as an object instead of a person and family member? I believe you mentioned you live in the New England states yet by your writing it seems english isn't your first language. How did you meet your husband? Were you a mail order bride or a long distance relationship and your husband brought you to the states to marry?


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Here's some thought provoking questions...

1. What's the end game of auntie's touching? Methinks if she wanted to escalate to a relationship of some kind she would have attempted it by now. 

2. Does she have any history of relationships of any kind? 

3. Is she touchy feely with other employees?

4. How does she interact with customers or clients or what not?

5. Have you tried toning down the looks department yourself to see if she reacts?

6. What line of work are we talking about?

7. What culture or ethnic groups are involved? Most Americans are quite self aware of personal space but not everyone else may be.

Now, in terms of moving to a different city, I would only do it with a solid job offer. As bad as auntie is, being unemployed is worse, and commuting 30 min thru New England winters is no fun.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

*Moderator message:-*

This thread is closed to further replies.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

sexual harassment by a lesbian at work? 
First go to the management and report it.
IF being a family business they blow you off...well you need a new place to work.

Without the family business aspect, i would advise you to sue their ass off. this is not the 1960's....if it is an unwanted advance...you need to take action.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

john117 said:


> Here's some thought provoking questions...
> 
> 5. Have you tried toning down the looks department yourself to see if she reacts?.


if you continue to dress very sexy, after being sexually harassed by this lesbian...she will assume that means you are flirting with her. Even though you are not, that is the way sexual predators will think.

get some really boring pants, flat shoes, no makeup, turtle neck shirt, thick padded bra....make youself look like you are NOT trying to attract sexual attention. See if that helps at all


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