# How to manage the thermostat with BetterMen tools



## Simple_Procedure531 (Oct 19, 2020)

Good morning everyone,

A couple of months ago my wife and I finally had a breakthrough. We had both been distant for quite some time, she tells me I was distant, that made her distant, in turn- I turned up the heat and apparently that somehow made her go into smothered/deep freeze state for months... All the while I'm trying to turn up the heat because I'm an idiot and didn't realize she was being smothered.

So NOW we have worked out just about everything and I'm also reading "Hold on to your N.U.T.S" and overall just trying to be a better husband. She tells me she's extremely happy with my behavior now ( I had some other issues I learned about that I learned from my dad and how he treated my mom ).

The other side of this is I've also been trying to give her space and turn down my temperature so she has to turn up her temperature. And it's mostly working. She has came to me and hugged, kissed, made out with me, etc, etc and it's been really nice to feel like she has had a passion I have not seen in some time.

BUT we have only had sex once in the past two months ( it was longer before ) and not at all since I have started this BetterMen journey. So here's my dilemma:

As part of working on myself I've lost 12 lbs ( 198 to 186 ) and she constantly tells me how good I look and how 'hard' my body is now ( like it was when we were younger )
I help more around the house, I help more with kids, I do things to make my wife's life easier. She constantly tells me I'm being the husband she always wanted me to be.
I turned down the temp about half and she is much more loving physically ( but rarely sexually )
My wife tells me she is turned on often by me but she doesn't tell me this or act like she wants sex
So I'm wondering, am I dropping the ball? We've been together for 13 years and we've always had a healthy sex life - I can usually see the signs.

I think my issue is, I'm trying to blend two things and I'm not sure how:

Run the sex and romance department as seen in the BetterMen tools
Managing the thermometer by cooling myself down to attract my wife and not smother her
Edit: adding more because I feel like it's unclear. How do I manage the romance and sex department AND cool down the temp on my wife? I don't understand how I'm supposed to blend these.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

I really don’t know what to say.

She could be telling you what you want to hear. I just don’t see being turned on and not acting on it. Sounds like she has all the power now and is happy to just sit back and watch.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Simple_Procedure531 said:


> I help more around the house, I help more with kids, I do things to make my wife's life easier.* She constantly tells me I'm being the husband she always wanted me to be.*


How nice for her. When will she start being the wife you want?



Simple_Procedure531 said:


> My wife tells me she is turned on often by me but she doesn't tell me this or act like she wants sex


A little less conversation and a little more action, please. Maybe she thinks the telling is sufficient to satisfy you? Tell her that she needs to *show *you with action. Words are fine and dandy; but, if they aren't backed up with action then they are just words.

You are technically in a sexless marriage.


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## TheDudeLebowski (Oct 10, 2017)

Once the passion is gone, it doesn't come back. She's playing you. You will bend yourself into a pretzel trying to win this lost passion back.

Talk to her about it and see what she says. Simply ask her why she never initiates when she is turned on. Watch how she invents another reason to not have sex with you. "If you did XYZ a little more" or "I don't like how you ABC and it turns me off" 

Then just to test it, change those things and see what happens. Once nothing does happen, because it wont, go back and ask her again ... Why don't you ever want sex? Watch how she invents something else. 

Its abusive if you ask me. She knows what she is doing. Many men and women here have been through all this. The passion is gone. 

Once you have realized she's not in to you anymore, next time you go to look up porn or whatever to jerk off yet again, instead, use that pinned up frustration to research lawyers in your area.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

You do more stuff for her and yet no change in sex. Looks like a good situation for her.

Just like Lebowski said: she will keep moving the goal post and making new reasons.

Dude..... she isn’t in to you.


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## Aviator (Oct 22, 2020)

Isn't it our "job" as dudes to push for sex and pursue? I thought this is what made women feel good and wanted (lol).

It's probably good to let her have some distance... i.e. get out of the house without you, have hobbies and interests outside of you, etc. Conversely, when you catch her dressing, showering, or she otherwise catches your eye- I think you have a right (and responsibility) to go after her. Are you doing that? 

Your never said she turned you down.... and it sounds like she is hinting and being a little flirty. You are dropping the ball if you are following some "remain cold" tactic... she must think you aren't interested.


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## Tdbo (Sep 8, 2019)

In my experience, I've found the 180, and a 48 hour "Festering" period does wonders.
We went from having sex 3x's in seven years to multiple times weekly.
When she realized our marriage was in trouble, she became motivated quick.
When my wife saw me losing weight, going to a gym, trying/doing new things, she decided she better get with the program, before the program got with her.
Since I applied the 180, her personality and tone towards me has reverted back to the way things were when we were dating, 28 years ago.
Taking charge pays dividends.


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## Simple_Procedure531 (Oct 19, 2020)

Aviator said:


> Conversely, when you catch her dressing, showering, or she otherwise catches your eye- I think you have a right (and responsibility) to go after her. Are you doing that?
> 
> Your never said she turned you down.... and it sounds like she is hinting and being a little flirty. You are dropping the ball if you are following some "remain cold" tactic... she must think you aren't interested.


When I catch her doing something, yes, I comment on her body or how sexy she is and yes many times I grab her and kiss her, etc but most the time she just kinda... Stands there like she isn't in the mood. Or she's in too much of a hurry to do something else... Like get ready for bed or whatever thing she is doing. 

She did flirt a little last night. I was weed eating and she mentioned that she was watching me and I looked good, etc. We went to dinner with the kids and exchanged some flirty looks. After we got home we had some drinks and she even laid on my chest, but then I received no sexual vibes whatsoever from her and we went to bed.


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## Simple_Procedure531 (Oct 19, 2020)

Tdbo said:


> In my experience, I've found the 180, and a 48 hour "Festering" period does wonders.
> We went from having sex 3x's in seven years to multiple times weekly.
> When she realized our marriage was in trouble, she became motivated quick.
> When my wife saw me losing weight, going to a gym, trying/doing new things, she decided she better get with the program, before the program got with her.
> ...


Maybe I don't know how to 'apply the 180'.. Monday I tried something like that... Similar to what I read in another post. I was kind and friendly but not affectionate that day. I tried to be playful and helpful but again no physical acts of love and no compliments, etc. Later I mentioned it she noticed anything and she didn't. I told her what I had done that day and she seemed surprised, like she didn't notice. 

Tuesday I did it again. That night I sat near her but not beside her, didn't touch her. She seemed to think I was annoyed or something. 

Let me stress this: she does NOT respond to being told what to do or expected to do things. If she thinks I am expecting something or trying to get her to do something, it's an automatic negative motivation for that thing. One year on Valentine's I had mentioned sex later on that night and she said something about 'why would I think that?' and I made a remark about how sex was 'kind of expected on Valentine's' and yeah... She blew up. No sex either lol.


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## Aviator (Oct 22, 2020)

Simple_Procedure531 said:


> When I catch her doing something, yes, I comment on her body or how sexy she is and yes many times I grab her and kiss her, etc but most the time she just kinda... Stands there like she isn't in the mood. Or she's in too much of a hurry to do something else... Like get ready for bed or whatever thing she is doing.
> 
> She did flirt a little last night. I was weed eating and she mentioned that she was watching me and I looked good, etc. We went to dinner with the kids and exchanged some flirty looks. After we got home we had some drinks and she even laid on my chest, but then I received no sexual vibes whatsoever from her and we went to bed.


_edited_
Would she stop you if you just politely kissed her, kissed her some more, then passionately, etc. etc. until you were on top of her? I've never heard you say she refuses you.


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## Tdbo (Sep 8, 2019)

Simple_Procedure531 said:


> Maybe I don't know how to 'apply the 180'.. Monday I tried something like that... Similar to what I read in another post. I was kind and friendly but not affectionate that day. I tried to be playful and helpful but again no physical acts of love and no compliments, etc. Later I mentioned it she noticed anything and she didn't. I told her what I had done that day and she seemed surprised, like she didn't notice.
> 
> Tuesday I did it again. That night I sat near her but not beside her, didn't touch her. She seemed to think I was annoyed or something.
> 
> Let me stress this: she does NOT respond to being told what to do or expected to do things. If she thinks I am expecting something or trying to get her to do something, it's an automatic negative motivation for that thing. One year on Valentine's I had mentioned sex later on that night and she said something about 'why would I think that?' and I made a remark about how sex was 'kind of expected on Valentine's' and yeah... She blew up. No sex either lol.


You simply say "Hello" as a greeting.
Your conversation with her is bare minimum.
If she tries to engage, you are polite and civil with her, but short.
You are very matter of fact in your demeanor and go about your life.
Basically, any warmth you exude with her is replaced with dry ice.
She apparently noticed the difference. You need to maintain your resolve until she cracks.
Then you have the discussion. You outline your requirements. You take the initiative. You take no more of her s**t.
You change the dynamic. It is not incumbent upon you to kowtow to her. It is incumbent on her to do her part in your relationship.
You have to set the standard. It needs to be clear to her that you are not going to be an option for her any more. You will damn well be her priority, or you will exercise your option to find a woman views you as a priority.
You have to be willing to break it to fix it. You need to stop worrying about losing what you don't have.
God helps those who help themselves. She can only treat you like crap with your permission.


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## Simple_Procedure531 (Oct 19, 2020)

She


Aviator said:


> _edited_
> Would she stop you if you just politely kissed her, kissed her some more, then passionately, etc. etc. until you were on top of her? I've never heard you say she refuses you.


She doesn't reject me per se, she just usually pushes me away or tries to walk away, or even things get passionate she just goes to do something else like get kids to bed and then we go to bed. She says she's too tired at that point. 

The other night she actually climbed on top of me ( to tell me goodnight ), straddled me, she was grinding and enjoying it then after a minute she was like 'ok, well time to get to bed now' and then she just acted like nothing had happened and there was sexual tension built up, etc.


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## Simple_Procedure531 (Oct 19, 2020)

Tdbo said:


> You simply say "Hello" as a greeting.
> Your conversation with her is bare minimum.
> If she tries to engage, you are polite and civil with her, but short.
> You are very matter of fact in your demeanor and go about your life.
> ...


Good advice. I may consider this.


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## Aviator (Oct 22, 2020)

Simple_Procedure531 said:


> She
> 
> 
> She doesn't reject me per se, she just usually pushes me away or tries to walk away, or even things get passionate she just goes to do something else like get kids to bed and then we go to bed. She says she's too tired at that point.
> ...


You did nothing but roll over and let her go to bed? I think speaking up for yourself and explaining how frustrated you were in that moment would have been a good move. Surely she's not clueless how frustrating that is for you... almost sounds like she is being a purposefully cruel.


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## Simple_Procedure531 (Oct 19, 2020)

Aviator said:


> You did nothing but roll over and let her go to bed? I think speaking up for yourself and explaining how frustrated you were in that moment would have been a good move. Surely she's not clueless how frustrating that is for you... almost sounds like she is being a purposefully cruel.


It's almost like every since our second kid ( 18 months ) was born, sex isnt a priority for her. We have very enjoyable sex and she always has 1 or more orgasms. She even told me the other day 'I enjoy sex too, remember?' but then when it comes down to it she won't. It seems like she is interested but it isn't a priority.


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

I want to commend you on having the balls to start your journey. 

There sometimes reaches a point in this process where you have to take the temperature from 32 to somewhere south of zero. 

And for those who are on this journey (myself included), it is one of the hardest things to do.

So, what does 'south of zero' actually look like?

First make a list of things you think you do for her.

Second, imagine for a moment she were to have passed away yesterday. What things on that list would you stop doing because she had passed? This hits home the point that things like laundry and dishes would still need to be done. 

However, things like opening jar lids, rubbing feet, etc., would stop immediately. 

'South of zero' means that every thing on that list that would stop in the hypothetical...are stopped. No foot rubs, opening jars, getting things from high places, helping with animals, calling her when on the way home to see if she needs anything (these are all examples from my marriage)...it ALL stops. 

Why? 

Because you are showing her with action that you are not willing to continue to provide her comfort when she is unwilling to do the same for you. In other words, you are showing her you respect yourself too much to allow it to continue. While she may not like it, she will more than likely respect it, and respect you for it. It also helps reduce your resentment level because you stop doing for her when she is not doing for you.

What you can certainly expect the first time you tell her "no" is for her to lose her ****, tell you this is why the marriage is in trouble, etc...ask me how I know...

When that happens, shrug your shoulders and tell her the following:

"If you want more from me, you can start by doing more for me."

At this point, she may say this is all about sex. If she does, then smile, shrug, and go do something you want to do...without her...gym, hobby, a (as in 1) drink with a friend, etc.

Look, man. This shouldn't be the first step you take. It is the step you take when you have begun to reach THAT point.

When I did this, I wasn't willing to leave my wife by my hand just yet (I was close), but I was more than willing to allow her to walk away from me. If you aren't willing to lose the marriage, this will not work. Without this willingness, you will fold...and she will know it. It is when she realizes you love yourself too much to tolerate a sub-par marriage that, if she wants to stay, she will pull her head from her fourth point of contact (ass).

This isn't easy, but very few things worth doing are actually easy.

Good luck.


Sent from my Pixel 3 XL using Tapatalk


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

Simple_Procedure531 said:


> Maybe I don't know how to 'apply the 180'.. Monday I tried something like that... Similar to what I read in another post. I was kind and friendly but not affectionate that day. I tried to be playful and helpful but again no physical acts of love and no compliments, etc. Later I mentioned it she noticed anything and she didn't. I told her what I had done that day and she seemed surprised, like she didn't notice.
> 
> Tuesday I did it again. That night I sat near her but not beside her, didn't touch her. She seemed to think I was annoyed or something.
> 
> Let me stress this: she does NOT respond to being told what to do or expected to do things. If she thinks I am expecting something or trying to get her to do something, it's an automatic negative motivation for that thing. One year on Valentine's I had mentioned sex later on that night and she said something about 'why would I think that?' and I made a remark about how sex was 'kind of expected on Valentine's' and yeah... She blew up. No sex either lol.


The reason she resists you is because she does not respect you.

Right now, you are the 'friend that helps her move' that she doesn't want to sleep with.

Continuing to romance someone who teases but doesn't please is demonstrating that you don't respect or love yourself enough to refuse to tolerate the intolerable. 

Now, that said, if she is flirting early in the day, freaking initiate, dude. Or just tell her, "I want a bedroom date later tonight." 

Sent from my Pixel 3 XL using Tapatalk


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

Simple_Procedure531 said:


> She
> 
> 
> She doesn't reject me per se, she just usually pushes me away or tries to walk away, or even things get passionate she just goes to do something else like get kids to bed and then we go to bed. She says she's too tired at that point.
> ...


This was a challenge/invitation from her.

You failed it. 

I would read this as her wanting to be 'taken'.

Sent from my Pixel 3 XL using Tapatalk


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Simple_Procedure531 said:


> *Maybe I don't know how to 'apply the 180'..* Monday I tried something like that... Similar to what I read in another post. I was kind and friendly but not affectionate that day. I tried to be playful and helpful but again no physical acts of love and no compliments, etc.* Later I mentioned it she noticed anything and she didn't. I told her what I had done that day and she seemed surprised, like she didn't notice.
> *




You definitely don't know how to apply the 180. The 180 isn't a tool to manipulate your wife. It's a tool to help you become a stand alone man. The last part of your paragraph just shouts "Weenie!". I'm surprised she didn't laugh.

If the only advice you take from this forum is that of Farside, you'll be in good hands. He knows whereof he speaks on this topic. Good luck.


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## Simple_Procedure531 (Oct 19, 2020)

farsidejunky said:


> This was a challenge/invitation from her.
> 
> You failed it.
> 
> ...


You are giving done excellent advice, sir. Thanks


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## Simple_Procedure531 (Oct 19, 2020)

Blondilocks said:


> You definitely don't know how to apply the 180. The 180 isn't a tool to manipulate your wife. It's a tool to help you become a stand alone man. The last part of your paragraph just shouts "Weenie!". I'm surprised she didn't laugh.
> 
> If the only advice you take from this forum is that of Farside, you'll be in good hands. He knows whereof he speaks on this topic. Good luck.


I'm starting to see that already


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Simple_Procedure531 said:


> She
> 
> 
> She doesn't reject me per se, she just usually pushes me away or tries to walk away, or even things get passionate she just goes to do something else like get kids to bed and then we go to bed. She says she's too tired at that point.
> ...


How in the world did you not take her right then? 

Are you making this up?? 😉


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## Nailhead (Sep 21, 2020)

Simple_Procedure531 said:


> When I catch her doing something, yes, I comment on her body or how sexy she is and yes many times I grab her and kiss her, etc but most the time she just kinda... Stands there like she isn't in the mood. Or she's in too much of a hurry to do something else... Like get ready for bed or whatever thing she is doing.
> 
> She did flirt a little last night. I was weed eating and she mentioned that she was watching me and I looked good, etc. We went to dinner with the kids and exchanged some flirty looks. After we got home we had some drinks and she even laid on my chest, but then I received no sexual vibes whatsoever from her and we went to bed.


Sometimes women want to see a lasting change for opening up again. My W wanted to see lasting change in my less than favorable attempts at being a H for 20 years. Once I committed to change it took my actions for many months and to see a lasting change. Things changed dramatically in our marriage. And for the better!


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## Simple_Procedure531 (Oct 19, 2020)

Nailhead said:


> Sometimes women want to see a lasting change for opening up again. My W wanted to see lasting change in my less than favorable attempts at being a H for 20 years. Once I committed to change it took my actions for many months and to see a lasting change. Things changed dramatically in our marriage. And for the better!


I'm actually starting to see that. The last few days she seemed much more attentive, kind, and flirty. We even had the annoying in-laws come to the house for the night and that night we ended up having sex. Maybe she did need to see a lasting change. 

Also as some others have suggested, I didn't let the opportunity pass me by... When I saw my chance and I felt like my wife had been hinting with her mannerisms..I seized my moment and she tried to act coy. A bit later she came into the room with a different outfit on - a dress and nothing else. 

So I don't know.. Maybe I was missing my chance. But also I wonder if she wanted to see a lasting commitment to this change. 

We'll see if this behavior continues.


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## Nailhead (Sep 21, 2020)

Simple_Procedure531 said:


> But also I wonder if she wanted to see a lasting commitment to this change.
> 
> We'll see if this behavior continues.


I don't know of any woman that does not want to see a lasting change(good change) for the better. I did a lot of reflection on our marriage. My behavior was enough for any woman to walk out. However, my W kept a steady course and prayed I would change to the H she has wanted. Once I realized the commitment she has for me and our marriage I could do nothing but make that change. That change would be lasting. Our marriage went to an entirely new level.


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## re16 (Oct 9, 2012)

So she cuts off sex with you and your reaction is to reward that behavior by trying to do more for her? Don't reward bad behavior unless you want more of it... this goes for anything in life.

I agree with keeping your side of the street clean by dominating your household / parental duties consistently.

Have you directly asked why she is not having sex with you? If you haven't, you need to man up and communicate directly. If she doesn't know that this is a significant problem (which it is), you need to make sure she does in no uncertain terms.

She may just go off on you and tell you what she really thinks, you don't do enough, you don't help enough, you don't make enough etc....which is hard to do when you keep your side of the street clean.

She's not into you for whatever reason and you need to find out why if you want any chance of fixing it.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

At some point i would say, "You know what I call a woman I live with that that i dont have sex with? My sister! I refuse to live with my sister!

Yoy need to quit trying to read her availability. If you want sex you iniyiate and she has to say no, she does then you say ok and go do something else. Away from her. But quit trying to judge where she is at. She may be reactive and there are to.es you talk yourself out of initiating because you think she is not in the mood, when she might have layed you like new asphault. Like the riding you incident....there would have been sex that night or i would have left the house for a few hours, not answered the phone and came back around 2:30am all cheerful and happy 

I was similarly in this state. I was nice guy upset about sparse sex life. Iwas codependent and read NMMNG and HNHN i quit being pouty, dropped 45 lbs in 6 weeks and hit weights hard. Wife was freaked. She later thought i was gone...her 1st hubby was serial cheater. I became the leader in my home. We average 3x week which is fine with me.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

Simple_Procedure531 said:


> She
> 
> 
> She doesn't reject me per se, she just usually pushes me away or tries to walk away, or even things get passionate she just goes to do something else like get kids to bed and then we go to bed. She says she's too tired at that point.
> ...


That is ****ed up.

The 180 is you stop all communication with her except for the kids.

You start going out with friends or start a hobby.

You don’t advance on her and you sure as hell don’t let her advance on you.

You talk with a lawyer and find out what a divorce will look like.

If she asks what is wrong you tell her that you are tired of living with a asexual. That you will not spend the rest of your life in a sexless marriage.

Or

You ask if she is alright with you getting your needs met outside the relationship.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Simple_Procedure531 said:


> The other night she actually climbed on top of me ( to tell me goodnight ), straddled me, she was grinding and enjoying it then after a minute she was like 'ok, well time to get to bed now' and then she just acted like nothing had happened and there was sexual tension built up, etc.


A) You read her correctly and she was just being playful and didn't want anything except to tell you goodnight or B) you are a moron and didn't realize she wanted you respond to her more aggressively or C) she was trying to start something but the way you behaved shut her libido down fast. 

Question for you... Had you recently brushed your teeth? Was there an ant crawling on the floor? Have you allowed the termite certification on your home to lapse? When she was grinding on you, did the wood in the furniture make a creaking sound that could have triggered her to worry about termites? Do you live in an area that has experienced torrential rainfall and the environment has been oversaturated with moisture that could trigger a termite infestation in your house? 

...those questions are just a joke, but yet provide some insight how the female brain just likes to worry about nonsense all day long and can't be stopped. Like a freight train with worn out brakes, you are going to have to get clever to make her mind get off it's one track and divert into somewhere fun. 

Tell her that she can't have sex with you and that you are actually very worried about your penis. Since women like to worry about crap, this will divert her attention right away and get her focused on you and your penis. Get all shy and pretend you don't want to talk about it. Allow her to pressure you and inquire as to what is going on. Tell her you wanted to make it bigger and tried herbal supplements that didn't turn out right. Tell her that you will show her only if you can turn out all the lights and just allow her to feel what happened. 

As soon as she touches you and discovers you are erect, ask her if she thinks it is any bigger? Encourage her to keep going! 

Cheers, 
Badsanta


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

badsanta said:


> A) You read her correctly and she was just being playful and didn't want anything except to tell you goodnight or B) you are a moron and didn't realize she wanted you respond to her more aggressively or C) she was trying to start something but the way you behaved shut her libido down fast.
> 
> Question for you... Had you recently brushed your teeth? Was there an ant crawling on the floor? Have you allowed the termite certification on your home to lapse? When she was grinding on you, did the wood in the furniture make a creaking sound that could have triggered her to worry about termites? Do you live in an area that has experienced torrential rainfall and the environment has been oversaturated with moisture that could trigger a termite infestation in your house?
> 
> ...


Whether you just brushed your teeth constitutes nonsense?

Seems like a legitimate question.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

lifeistooshort said:


> Whether you just brushed your teeth constitutes nonsense?
> 
> Seems like a legitimate question.


Flip that around as if you are worried about having brushed your own teeth. Many times I go to kiss my wife and she pushes away arguing that she has not had a chance to brush her teeth after recently having had a snack or something. Meanwhile to me it is no big deal to kiss her and get the faint sensation of dove chocolates with almonds. 

Are you sure?

Seriously?

Just let me go brush my teeth!

You are perfectly fine.

(comes back five minutes later)

Wow that listerine smell is overwhelming! Mind if I have one of your chocolates to get rid of the antiseptic flavor?


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

badsanta said:


> Flip that around as if you are worried about having brushed your own teeth. Many times I go to kiss my wife and she pushes away arguing that she has not had a chance to brush her teeth after recently having had a snack or something. Meanwhile to me it is no big deal to kiss her and get the faint sensation of dove chocolates with almonds.
> 
> Are you sure?
> 
> ...


Well that i can't help you with....i quite like the listerine smell.

Though chocolate is great too.....


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Simple_Procedure531 said:


> It's almost like every since our second kid ( 18 months ) was born, sex isnt a priority for her. We have very enjoyable sex and she always has 1 or more orgasms. She even told me the other day 'I enjoy sex too, remember?' but then when it comes down to it she won't. It seems like she is interested but it isn't a priority.


Maybe she has responsive desire, many women do and you seem very passive and not that interested. If a woman is on top of most hot blooded men as you describe it, they will not take no for an answer. Your passivity sounds very off putting and your wife may think you are not all that interested.


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