# Sadfully, back again.



## Fourpaw (May 7, 2013)

I came on here tonight completely and 100% adamant about my situation with my wife. I felt confident and sure.:grin2:

I look into the top right corner and it shows my log in information stored and ready to be logged in at my will. I have been to this site before, it wasn't just a random Google search tonight like I had originally thought. 

I'm a 27 year old airline pilot. I have two children. I have been with the same person for 14 years, married for 5 of those years. One year ago. I found out she had been cheating on me for approximately 18 months or so, even getting pregnant by this...person(ended in a mc). She packed up the kids one day when I was on a trip and moved to the other side of the state in with her parents to get away from the entire situation(meaning the guy).

We moved in together and have been "working it out" for the last year. About 2 months ago she decides she wants the divorce again. 

She moves into an apartment and I stay in the house. In the mean time, while we are still married but I guess "separated," she does ORAL ONLY....with one of our mutual friends. She then goes to the female mutual friend and tells her I'm secretly gay that's why shes leaving me(IE to ensure I couldn't do the same as her). She claims the affair was my fault because I'm more feminine than most. I'm not gay but I am very clean, in shape, stylish, and always get along with women better than men. She takes this as must being gay but I have always just been myself....? I can't sit here and accept that those things caused an affair.

So time goes by, and now she wants me back. Yes we hooked up a couple times and when we spend time together, it's like we are young and problem free again but in the back of my mind is all this.

Our families despise our relationship because of all the drama. I finally am forming relationships again with my father, aunts, uncles, and some of her family members I was close to. 

I practice Buddhism, so peacefulness is very much a priority in my life. I don't do drama or chaos. 

I know what people will say, get a D and move on. Please understand with two kids its not that easy. Also, I DO genuinely love her but how much weight does that carry in the big scheme of things?


Edit> She does have bipolar disorder.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Fourpaw said:


> I came on here tonight completely and 100% adamant about my situation with my wife. I felt confident and sure.:grin2:
> 
> I look into the top right corner and it shows my log in information stored and ready to be logged in at my will. I have been to this site before, it wasn't just a random Google search tonight like I had originally thought.
> 
> ...


Buddhism is one thing. Idiocy is quite another.

Seriously... did you even bother to READ what you posted there?

Divorce.


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## Fourpaw (May 7, 2013)

GusPolinski said:


> Buddhism is one thing. Idiocy is quite another.
> 
> Seriously... did you even bother to READ what you posted there?
> 
> Divorce.



Yes, I read and reread.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Fourpaw said:


> Yes, I read and reread.


*EIGHTEEN MONTH* AFFAIR. Got pregnant by the other guy. Packed up the kids and left you. Miscarriage or not, that should've been a divorce.

Had another affair w/ a different guy after coming back to you. Oral only? Please.

Spreading rumors that you're gay?

Dude. She's a serial cheater and pathological liar w/ bipolar disorder. Divorce her now before you wind up w/ MORE than 2 kids, some of which likely won't be yours.

So, just to be clear, here's what I'd recommend...

1) Divorce

2) DNA your kids

And I'm sorry... you're 27 and have been w/ your wife since you were 13...? Is that right?


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## Fourpaw (May 7, 2013)

GusPolinski said:


> *EIGHTEEN MONTH* AFFAIR. Got pregnant by the other guy. Packed up the kids and left you. Miscarriage or not, that should've been a divorce.
> 
> Had another affair w/ a different guy after coming back to you. Oral only? Please.
> 
> ...



Twenty-eight in a month or so...so 14 years of age yes.

I confronted the "new guy" and he wouldn't even admit to what she admitted to. 

There should have been a divorce many times over, but I guess I am weak when it comes to this. You know, I was truly happy for a little bit of time when we were split up. I was supposed to move into my new apartment in a couple days. I was rebuilding my life. Now that she wants me back, I'm all confused again.


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

Fourpaw said:


> Now that she wants me back, I'm all confused again.


Not confusion my man; its wishful thinking. The girl's doing a variety of men. She wanting you to furnish room and board. The next time you're five states away, think about what she's, no who's she doing.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Fourpaw said:


> Twenty-eight in a month or so...so 14 years of age yes.
> 
> I confronted the "new guy" and he wouldn't even admit to what she admitted to.
> 
> There should have been a divorce many times over, but I guess I am weak when it comes to this. You know, I was truly happy for a little bit of time when we were split up. I was supposed to move into my new apartment in a couple days. I was rebuilding my life. Now that she wants me back, I'm all confused again.


If she wants you back at all, it's only because she sees you moving on w/o her. But here's the thing... she's never going to stop cheating. EVER.

She's the mother of your children, so you'll probably never be *completely* free of either the grief or drama that she creates, but you can reclaim some measure of calm and normalcy in your life by demoting her to nothing more than a co-parent.

If you ever want to have any peace at all, divorce.

Oh, and DNA your kids.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

Why should you pay the rest of your life for a child that is not your...I realize to no fault of the child but this is your wife's own doing....regardless of buddism your wife needs to take responsibility for her own actions and as long as you keep taking her back she will never grow.


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## OnTheFly (Mar 12, 2015)

Fourpaw said:


> Edit> She does have bipolar disorder.


Was this professionally diagnosed?

You say you don't want drama, I'm not so sure.


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## Dyokemm (Apr 24, 2013)

Fourpaw,

Go read kwood's thread.

You are going to experience something very similar with your WW if you continue to take her back.

She only puts forth effort to keep you when she senses you are about to leave her.....as soon as she feels secure again, she's back at it with some other POS.

This is exactly what kwood has been dealing with, though at least he has only had one POSOM to deal with.


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## dental (Apr 16, 2014)

Buddism is not an excuse to dodge behind when a decision needs to be made.


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## azteca1986 (Mar 17, 2013)

Fourpaw said:


> I practice Buddhism, so peacefulness is very much a priority in my life. I don't do drama or chaos.


As you know life is impermanent. 

_One of the greatest causes of pain during divorce is the feeling that things will never be the same, and that what you feel now will last forever. The Buddha would apply the wisdom of Anicca to maintain a sense of calm and perspective through the grief and loss of divorce. Remembering that nothing in life is permanent will help you to not feel bogged down or to lose yourself in what feels like an eternal experience of pain and discomfort._

You know her true nature - she's an unremorseful serial-cheater - so, as a Buddhist, any further pain you suffer by trying to maintain this marriage is pretty much self-inflicted.


> I know what people will say, get a D and move on. Please understand with two kids its not that easy. Also, I DO genuinely love her but how much weight does that carry in the big scheme of things?


Of course you love, inspite of the repeated betrayals and denigration. But you must love yourself and your children more. As a parent I know that divorce is tough on children; there's no avoiding that fact. But they also need stability. You're both setting them a terrible example of how loving relationships look like. 

I suppose as a pilot there are no easy answers to custody but you need to speak with a lawyer to at least know how a divorce would impact you (and them). That is your responsibility as your children's one stable parent.

Sorry for what you find yourself going through friend.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Your wife doesn't love you the way you should be loved. She has no respect for you. You are showing your kids the way a marriage should not be. You were happier apart. Divorce her, you are just her Plan B. You can still be a part of the children's lives in terms of financial support, spending time with them etc. they do not have a stable mother, they most definitely need a stable father. You can be that man, without her.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Your wife mistook your Buddist inspired calmness for you being gay? :wtf:

Was she abused physically as a child? I ask this as she seems to have a messed up view of manhood and what being a man is.

She needs counselling and therapy and long term medication.

If she will not do the above then divorce is the best therapy. Sorry.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Your wife doesn't live in the real world. Her mental illness precludes that. My experience is that she will get worse, not better. Have you discussed this with doctors that deal with bipolar.

I'm sure there are other pilots whose wife has lost their senses or lives. What do they do.

Thirdly. The odds you've caught all her affairs is low since only twenty percent of adulterers are ever caught.

Fourth, serial cheaters can't quit cheating, its the way they are hard wired.


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

Fourpaw said:


> I came on here tonight completely and 100% adamant about my situation with my wife. I felt confident and sure.:grin2:
> 
> I look into the top right corner and it shows my log in information stored and ready to be logged in at my will. I have been to this site before, it wasn't just a random Google search tonight like I had originally thought.


Huh?


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## Mr.Fisty (Nov 4, 2014)

I will be honest, you both are poor role models for your children. The environment , both of your behavior, will have a major impact on their mental and personality development.

Also, you have a unhealthy attachment to your wife, and doesn't attachments lead to major suffering as well, and it is healthy to detach, especially from someone who lacks control over her own mental disorders. I am sorry she is ill, but she is not a great role model figure, nor great relationship material.

So, since your children are growing up in an unhealthy environment, that means the odds of them being emotionally and mentally healthy declines.

It would be better if you at least moved on and when your children spend time with you, and see what a healthy relationship looks like, it would be normative.

Of course you love your wife, love is a drive that wants to be fulfilled like sex. If you were honest, if you had hindsight, your wife is a person you would have avoided.

You are also not just staying for the kids, which is a potential really bad idea, but you also want her to love you and treat you like you want to be treated. You are in a cycle. It seems like you are not getting any different results by staying with your wife.

Instead of looking at this from a logical standpoint, you are acting from an emotional standpoint. Feelings only tell you what you are at the present, but if you can take a step back and view the big picture, you will see everyone is unhealthy in all of this.

Work on yourself, and learn to detach. Look at how unstable your children lives are already. If you at least had some solo custody, and if you became more independent, your children will have stability when they are with you.


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## TooNice (Nov 26, 2013)

I will also chime in on how staying will affect your children. 
Let's say your children are grown and married with families. One of them comes to you and tells you this story. What do you advise them to do?

We are relationship role models for our kids. It is the biggest regret I have that my marriage lasted as long as it did - my kids rarely witnessed healthy and loving interactions between their parents. 

You've received some good insight here. Please take it to heart.


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## bfree (Sep 30, 2012)

If you do not divorce her and move on you'll be in much more pain than you are experiencing right now. You both need a little perspective. You are fixated on her because she is all you've really known. She wants you only because she knows she can manipulate you into enabling her behavior. Frankly if you really cared about her as much as you claim you'd let her go so she can fix her problems. That's never going to happen if you are supporting her. She needs to find her own way in her own way. Who knows, maybe a few years from now when she's straightened herself out you could try dating again. But right now you are both toxic to each other.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

For someone who doesn't like drama, you've certainly managed to keep yourself in the middle of it. 

Change is difficult and people obviously find it much easier to say that they'll change than to actually do it. Especially serial cheaters. Both of you are sending a very bad message to your children about marriage. 

As to being in a long relationship: Just because you've spent most of your life with someone doesn't mean they are good for you (I speak from experience since I ended a 45 year marriage). 

You need to move on. Today.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

The metrosexual thing makes her lies easy to pawn on people. I dont get it really but, good for younfor being comfortable in your own skin. (Im Klingon. I do revenge). There comes a point you gotta either hit back(figuratively. Dont actually hit), or disengage. Revenge isnt in you. Disengage already.

Btw. Please tell me you dont believe its only one guy or that it was " only " oral.


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

I you choose to put up with abuse, ridicule, lies and cheating, then you can only blame yourself and I haven't even touched on disrespect yet.

She got pregnant by another man. That means she had unprotected sex with him and if those two things don't give you enough information about her then your either turning a blind eye to it or just plain stupid.

Find yourself a lawyer, cut your loses and try to be the responsible parent that your kids need.


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## Uptown (Mar 27, 2010)

Fourpaw said:


> She does have bipolar disorder.


Perhaps so, Fourpaw. Yet, it is common for therapists to mistake BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) for bipolar-1 disorder. Moreover, even if your W really does have bipolar-1 disorder, there is a good chance she also has BPD. Specifically, if she has bipolar-1 (i.e., with periods of strong mania in addition to periods of depression) the chance of her also having co-occurring BPD is about one-third. If she has bipolar-2, (i.e., strong depression but very mild mania), the chance of also having BPD is about one-fourth. See Table 3 at 2008 Study in JCP.

I mention this distinction between bipolar and BPD because there is a huge difference in the prospects for successfully treating them. Whereas bipolar usually can be treated quite successfully by simply swallowing a pill, BPD is extremely hard to treat because BPDers lack self awareness and because medication won't even make a dent in this disorder. 

If you're interested, I describe the major differences I've seen between the behaviors of bipolar-1 sufferers (e.g., my foster son) and BPDers (e.g., my exW) at 12 Bipolar/BPD Differences. If most of those BPD symptoms sound very familiar, I would suggest you also read my more detailed description of them at my posts in Maybe's Thread. If that description rings many bells, I would be glad to discuss them with you. Take care, Fourpaw.


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## Fourpaw (May 7, 2013)

Uptown said:


> Perhaps so, Fourpaw. Yet, it is common for therapists to mistake BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) for bipolar-1 disorder. Moreover, even if your W really does have bipolar-1 disorder, there is a good chance she also has BPD. Specifically, if she has bipolar-1 (i.e., with periods of strong mania in addition to periods of depression) the chance of her also having co-occurring BPD is about one-third. If she has bipolar-2, (i.e., strong depression but very mild mania), the chance of also having BPD is about one-fourth. See Table 3 at 2008 Study in JCP.
> 
> I mention this distinction between bipolar and BPD because there is a huge difference in the prospects for successfully treating them. Whereas bipolar usually can be treated quite successfully by simply swallowing a pill, BPD is extremely hard to treat because BPDers lack self awareness and because medication won't even make a dent in this disorder.
> 
> If you're interested, I describe the major differences I've seen between the behaviors of bipolar-1 sufferers (e.g., my foster son) and BPDers (e.g., my exW) at 12 Bipolar/BPD Differences. If most of those BPD symptoms sound very familiar, I would suggest you also read my more detailed description of them at my posts in Maybe's Thread. If that description rings many bells, I would be glad to discuss them with you. Take care, Fourpaw.



I'm glad that you brought that up. The most recent diagnosis around two years ago was BPD. Her teenage diagnosis was Bipolar Disorder. 

She has been prescribed a simple daily regiment of Celexa I believe. The problem is she will go times with skipping the dose, in turn, causing her mania to spiral out of control.

We HAD been seeing the same therapist for years, I have continued on while she stopped some time back. As a licensed therapist, triple phd, and previous therapist at a mental ward for a decade, she has indicated to me that my wife is very special in terms of her condition and she has only seen 1 or 2 over all the years with similar behavior patterns. 

I know what I need to do here, of course, I'm just struggling with what it means. Things have always seemed to be on her terms, no this time it will be on me.


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## Uptown (Mar 27, 2010)

Fourpaw said:


> I'm glad that you brought that up. The most recent diagnosis around two years ago was BPD. Her teenage diagnosis was Bipolar Disorder.


Fourpaw, based on what you describe, it sounds like her current psychiatrist has decided she never actually had bipolar disorder. I say this because no knowledgeable doctor would prescribe Celexa (an antidepressant) by itself to treat bipolar. Although the antidepressant would reduce her depression, it likely would do so at the cost of greatly exacerbating her manic phase. 

This is why doctors are careful to ask patients whether they've been diagnosed with having bipolar before prescribing any antidepressant. When it is necessary to prescribe it to a bipolar sufferer, the doctor will also prescribe a mood-stabilizing drug (e.g., lithium) that will prevent the manic phase from being strengthened.



> She has been prescribed a simple daily regiment of Celexa I believe. The problem is she will go times with skipping the dose, in turn, causing her mania to spiral out of control.


No, the reverse is true, as I tried to explain above. When a patient has bipolar disorder, taking Celexa likely would cause "her mania to spiral out of control." Hence, if the doctor really does believe she has bipolar, he almost certainly has prescribed a mood-stabilizing drug to dampen the mood swings. Celexa targets only the depression.

Significantly, 36% of BPDers suffer from Major Depressive Disorder and nearly all BPDers suffer occasional depression. I therefore suspect that the Celexa may have been intended to treat the depression that often co-occurs with BPD. Yet, if you find out that she actually did receive a prescription for a mood stabilizer -- e.g., lithium, Seroquel, or Lamictal -- it would indicate she is being treated for bipolar. In that case, however, it would be dangerous for her to take the Celexa without the other drug.



> As a licensed therapist, triple phd, and previous therapist at a mental ward for a decade, she has indicated to me that my wife is very special in terms of her condition and she has only seen 1 or 2 over all the years with similar behavior patterns.


I don't know what her therapist is referring to. But, to me, what is "very special" about your W's condition is that she has chosen to remain in treatment for at least two years. It is rare among BPDers to have sufficient self awareness to recognize, at a conscious level, that they have issues that warrant years of therapy. I would guess that, of the high functioning BPDers, perhaps only 3% to 5% have that level of self awareness. 

The vast majority of those "self awares," however, lack the ego strength to be willing to do anything about it. Although they are aware of their BPD issues, they won't stay in therapy long enough, or work hard enough, to make a real difference. I therefore would be surprised if as many as 1% of the high functioning BPDers ever substantially improve in therapy.


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## Fourpaw (May 7, 2013)

Uptown said:


> Fourpaw, based on what you describe, it sounds like her current psychiatrist has decided she never actually had bipolar disorder. I say this because no knowledgeable doctor would prescribe Celexa (an antidepressant) by itself to treat bipolar. Although the antidepressant would reduce her depression, it likely would do so at the cost of greatly exacerbating her manic phase.
> 
> This is why doctors are careful to ask patients whether they've been diagnosed with having bipolar before prescribing any antidepressant. When it is necessary to prescribe it to a bipolar sufferer, the doctor will also prescribe a mood-stabilizing drug (e.g., lithium) that will prevent the manic phase from being strengthened.
> 
> ...



She has not been in treatment for years. She is exactly as you described, being the % who does not actively go to treatment. I continued seeing the therapist. I could only get her to come with me a hand full of times back in the day. 

There was a prescription for lithium but like the others, she would not take it.


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

Sorry but I am in agreement with all the others.
Staying in this relationship will only guarantee you further heartbreak and further damage your children by modeling for them an example of what a dysfunctional relationship is


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Uptown said:


> Fourpaw, based on what you describe, it sounds like her current psychiatrist has decided she never actually had bipolar disorder. I say this because no knowledgeable doctor would prescribe Celexa (an antidepressant) by itself to treat bipolar. Although the antidepressant would reduce her depression, it likely would do so at the cost of greatly exacerbating her manic phase.
> 
> This is why doctors are careful to ask patients whether they've been diagnosed with having bipolar before prescribing any antidepressant. When it is necessary to prescribe it to a bipolar sufferer, the doctor will also prescribe a mood-stabilizing drug (e.g., lithium) that will prevent the manic phase from being strengthened.
> 
> ...


Unless, of course, the doctor is not particularly knowledgeable?


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## poida (Jan 17, 2014)

You need to discuss your unhealthy attachment to this woman in therapy. 
You will soon realise it is not a relationship you should be in.
Budhusm likely means you are internalising your issues. Not healthy. 
Divorce.


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## ReidWright (May 15, 2014)

Fourpaw said:


> she does ORAL ONLY....with one of our mutual friends.


also, I hope you mean former "friend" now


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## Welsh15 (Feb 24, 2014)

The advice you have received here is spot on.. You are 27. Married to a serial cheater. She has bi polar disorder. She will hurt you time and time again. Run for the exit. Divorce asap


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## helolover (Aug 24, 2012)

A special caution: separating from a bPDer is dicey. It isn't the same as ending a relationship with a non-BPDer. BPDers have major abandonment issues, and leaving them may cause triggers wher they are out of control. From what you describe, it sounds like she has BPD. 

Your marriage is over, unless you want to continue to be a cuckold.


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## AlphaHalf (Aug 5, 2012)

Wake the F up!!! She cheated multiple times, got pregnant, sucked a "friends" [email protected]#k, accused you of being gay, took the kids and left the house on a whim. and NOW YOU'RE STILL CONFUSED ABOUT BEING WITH HER AGAIN? She obviously has problems. But what is your problem? 

What more can she do to make you finally see that she isn't the one for you? Your asking for more punishment by staying with her. YOU ARE WASTING YOUR LIFE WITH THIS WOMAN? 

I see falsely accused domestic violence charges pending against you in the near future. Protect yourself .


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

This thread is a joke right?


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Fourpaw said:


> I was supposed to move into my new apartment in a couple days. I was rebuilding my life. Now that she wants me back, I'm all confused again.


 Move into your apartment. Tell her you want to see how things go, that you WANT her but you no longer TRUST her, so you will have to see just how much she 'wants' you. That if she's not willing to do the hard work to regain your trust, there's nothing to save.

I get that you want to save the marriage. But you truly DO have to be willing to lose it, to be in a position to save it. In other words, she has to KNOW that you will walk if she doesn't step up.

Move out, insist on marriage counseling and individual therapy for her. Do not move back in without it. You simply MUST get professional help or your marriage will not survive, not given the young age at which you two got together and what she's done.


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## Fourpaw (May 7, 2013)

turnera said:


> Move into your apartment. Tell her you want to see how things go, that you WANT her but you no longer TRUST her, so you will have to see just how much she 'wants' you. That if she's not willing to do the hard work to regain your trust, there's nothing to save.
> 
> I get that you want to save the marriage. But you truly DO have to be willing to lose it, to be in a position to save it. In other words, she has to KNOW that you will walk if she doesn't step up.
> 
> Move out, insist on marriage counseling and individual therapy for her. Do not move back in without it. You simply MUST get professional help or your marriage will not survive, not given the young age at which you two got together and what she's done.


This is my plan at this point. I will still get the apartment. If this is some how destined to work then this will not change anything. My experience tells me she will not be able to handle it.

You're right, she does need to see how serious I am. Every time things have been under her control. This time I need to be driving. 

Thank you again for all the advice, the helpful advice that is...


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Fourpaw said:


> This is my plan at this point. I will still get the apartment. If this is some how destined to work then this will not change anything. My experience tells me she will not be able to handle it.
> 
> You're right, she does need to see how serious I am. Every time things have been under her control. This time I need to be driving.
> 
> Thank you again for all the advice, the helpful advice that is...


Good luck.

Same time next year?


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## MAJDEATH (Jun 16, 2015)

I almost never recommend D, even in the most desperate situations. But sometimes a separation is warranted, and I think this case fits the criteria, until such time as you and her can get into IC and figure out the underling reasons for cheating. Perhaps her mental health issues are driving the need to act out. And it sounds like her role model beliefs for men is much different the reality of your tendencies/appearance/behavior, which is causing strife.

I know with kids it can be hard, and maintaining 2 households is expensive, but in this case you may need to live apart for 6-12 months and limit your interactions w/her to just the basics for the kids.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

@Fourpaw why is it best for your children to stay in a marriage that is unhappy and with an unstable mother?

Would it not be best that they be raised by the ONE stable parent they have, meaning you?

Why is it not your goal?

Or is living in an open marriage an option for you? Because it seems you've been in one for years...

If you're a buddhist, you know this parable:



> The man looked for a boat or a bridge and found neither. But with great effort he gathered grass, twigs and branches and tied them all together to make a simple raft. Relying on the raft to keep himself afloat, the man paddled with his hands and feet and reached the safety of the other shore. He could continue his journey on dry land.
> 
> Now, what would he do with his makeshift raft? Would he drag it along with him or leave it behind? He would leave it, the Buddha said. Then the Buddha explained that the dharma is like a raft. It is useful for crossing over but not for holding onto, he said.


Hint: she's the raft. Stop riding her, let her be ridden by all the other guys she wants, because you've crossed the stream.


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## Sammy64 (Oct 28, 2013)

GusPolinski said:


> Good luck.
> 
> Same time next year?


QFT


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## ShameLessLover (Nov 5, 2013)

marduk said:


> @Fourpaw
> Would it not be best that they be raised by the ONE stable parent.



Is thta possible?
I mean what are the chances OP will get the custody?


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## eastsouth2000 (Jul 21, 2015)

fourpaw, you are very young,independent,confident and at peace with yourself.

I'm glad you shared your life story with us.

I believe Buddhist see things differently in terms of love and life.
What is your belief in monogamy?

Do protect your finance's in all of this.
Again just a word of advice, try not to leave the marital home.
as that would be looked down upon by divorce courts upon separation.


she has a deep rooted resentment for not being "manly" enough.
somehow you'll need to talk this over.
perhaps she wants to be handle rough in terms sexually.
i.e. prefers - "i wanna F you!" instead of "i wanna make-love w/ you!"


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

ShameLessLover said:


> Is that possible?
> I mean what are the chances OP will get the custody?


They would be growing up in two houses. The benefit is that while they are with OP, they will be experiencing stability and healthy living, so that they'll be able to tell the difference, and as they age, they'll drift toward the healthy stable life they see with OP.


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

Fourpaw

Until you show your wife true consequences she will continue to make bad decisions that hurt your marriage.

And until she knows you are truly serious about divorcing her then she will never take you serious, the marriage serious or ever respect you.

She does not love you so at least make her respect you.

That is what your kids need to see from your relationship.

HM


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