# Coping skills . . .



## UnchartedWaters (1 mo ago)

Married 17 years, 3 young children, found out a month ago of his affair. He wants to move out and move in with his girlfriend stating that he identifies as "non-monogamous" now. We have a complicated situation. Our second child is medically complex requiring 24 hr care. I quit my career 2 years ago to stay home and be the nurturer of our family, he is the sole financial support. My anger, sadness, grief and fears have been consuming me. He continues to state that he still wants to support us, but I feel as though I am completely abandoned. Forced to rely on him for finances, unable to work because of our family, overwhelmed by fears of what the future looks like. Mediation is our preference as we feel a judge wouldn't fully understand our situation, but I feel that if I don't let go of some of this anger, we won't be able to achieve what's best for our girls. How do you begin to cope? How do you begin to move on?


----------



## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

UnchartedWaters said:


> Married 17 years, 3 young children, found out a month ago of his affair. He wants to move out and move in with his girlfriend stating that he identifies as "non-monogamous" now. We have a complicated situation. Our second child is medically complex requiring 24 hr care. I quit my career 2 years ago to stay home and be the nurturer of our family, he is the sole financial support. My anger, sadness, grief and fears have been consuming me. He continues to state that he still wants to support us, but I feel as though I am completely abandoned. Forced to rely on him for finances, unable to work because of our family, overwhelmed by fears of what the future looks like. Mediation is our preference as we feel a judge wouldn't fully understand our situation, but I feel that if I don't let go of some of this anger, we won't be able to achieve what's best for our girls. How do you begin to cope? How do you begin to move on?


What a terrible situation.
I'm sorry you are here with this.

Your husband is a grade-A asshole.

"I now identify as non-monogamous" 
What a loser.

My advice to you is to STAY angry, harden your heart toward him, and refocus your energy toward your life without him.
Figure out your income and childcare, get a job, a place to live, all of it. Go to a lawyer and understand your options. Even if you use mediation, consult with a lawyer for your own benefit.

Being with your husband is _not_ what's best for your girls. Do you want them to grow up thinking that daddy is a great role model for their future husband?

Your jerk of a husband might very well declare that he identifies as "childless" so please plan for all levels of stupidity from him.

What a child he is. He should identify as a train or something.


----------



## Teacherwifemom (5 mo ago)

I’m so sorry your husband is a complete and utter idiot without morals or feelings for anyone but himself. And what a skank the other woman must be. I always wonder, in situations such as these, if the cheaters have good families & parents, and if so, what they think of this appalling behavior. This must be terrifying for you. I don’t have any words of wisdom, but I agree to stay angry, and let that be what shows. I kinda feel like a judge would absolutely favor you, especially given the situation. Did you have any clue that he had disengaged? Has he typically been an involved father, or did he just let you handle the home and the kids? I’m so angry for you. Sending big cyber hugs from this virtual stranger.


----------



## Laurentium (May 21, 2017)

UnchartedWaters said:


> he identifies as "non-monogamous" now


That's some BS. I wonder if he's told his gf that he's non-monogamous.

How to let go of appropriate anger? Only by getting some kind of acknowledgement from him. Or a lot of time.


----------



## Exit37 (3 mo ago)

OP, you need to get out in front of this. Find yourself the nastiest D lawyer you can, and get the ball rolling. He might start singing another tune when he realized you aren't just going to roll over, and then you'll have a decision to make. Get started ASAP. Good luck.


----------



## Lostinthelight (6 mo ago)

I echo everyone's advice to you, to hire an attorney. without an attorney, you have noone to represent you. And you want to know what your rights are.


----------



## UnchartedWaters (1 mo ago)

BeyondRepair007 said:


> What a terrible situation.
> I'm sorry you are here with this.
> 
> Your husband is a grade-A asshole.
> ...


Lol. "Identify as a train". I needed a good laugh. I am definitely in the process of figuring everything out with a lawyer and mediation, I just feel so overwhelmed as I was blind sided by this. And I feel like he gets everything he is wanting. Fewer kids responsibilities, ability to solely focus on his career and a side piece to boot. It just makes me sick.


----------



## UnchartedWaters (1 mo ago)

Teacherwifemom said:


> I’m so sorry your husband is a complete and utter idiot without morals or feelings for anyone but himself. And what a skank the other woman must be. I always wonder, in situations such as these, if the cheaters have good families & parents, and if so, what they think of this appalling behavior. This must be terrifying for you. I don’t have any words of wisdom, but I agree to stay angry, and let that be what shows. I kinda feel like a judge would absolutely favor you, especially given the situation. Did you have any clue that he had disengaged? Has he typically been an involved father, or did he just let you handle the home and the kids? I’m so angry for you. Sending big cyber hugs from this virtual stranger.


Thanks for the cyber hugs. I will take all that I can get right now. He comes from stellar parents, and they are just as disappointed in him as I am. He has definitely been more of the bread winner, and I have been at home, especially for the past two years. We had been in counseling for the past year and half, so it's been rocky, but never expected this. Especially since we were talking through "trust and honesty" in our relationship for the past 6 months. He is so selfish and I honestly don't think he has even realized what this will do to our girls, and that breaks my heart even more.


----------



## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

UnchartedWaters said:


> Lol. "Identify as a train". I needed a good laugh. I am definitely in the process of figuring everything out with a lawyer and mediation, I just feel so overwhelmed as I was blind sided by this. And I feel like he gets everything he is wanting. Fewer kids responsibilities, ability to solely focus on his career and a side piece to boot. It just makes me sick.


There's not a lot you can do to ease the pain and shock of it all. Just try to refocus on taking care of yourself. Surround yourself with family and friends and people who love you. Let others help.

The ugly truth is that he will get what he wants.
The upside is that what he wants is not where he will find happiness.
He's throwing away real happiness for a cheap thrill.

Karma will hit him sideways when his GF decides that she also identifies as non-monogamous.


----------

