# Anything to worry about?



## Miss Metta

My fiance and I are to get married end of February. We seem to have a happy, functional relationship.

However, in early October my fiance underwent a lung biopsy -which is actually a major and serious operation despite the word, 'biopsy'; because he was found to have thickening on his lungs, and the fear was that he may have mesothelioma from asbestos exposure (work related). It turns out that the lung thickening is benign; the specialist said this was really rare, in most cases such thickening was bad news. Since then, he was told that to smoke would would cause his risk of lung cancer or mesotheliomia to 'skyrocket'. He had already given up smoking, with various success, 2 years year before, when he got with me. We knew each for years, but I told him to date me meant he had to give up smoking. So he did, though he does slip. However I was not able to convince him to give up smoking cannabis, though asked that he not smoke it mixed with tobacco because this seemed to exacerabate cravings for cigarettes. Then 18 months later a bad x-ray showed the need for a lung biopsy.

After we saw the lung specialist in November and was told that he should stay away from all things smoking, I became stern one night when he went to get weed from a friend. He says that I did not put him down and that I 'made my point', and as such, he has not been smoking any cannabis at all. Prior to that, prior to the lung biopsy, even though I didn't approve of it, but put up with it, he would smoke it outside and on weekends when he was home, I tried not to worry about it too much because it never seemed to make him lethargic or dopey, like I've seen other people.

Since the discussion about weed and him staying off it, which really, he needs to do because he has a 'time bomb' in his chest; I've noticed a sudden and rapid escalation in the amount of alcohol he drinks. We used to have a glass at dinner, him, two or three, he's a big man, but suddenly he's started to drink over a bottle of wine a night. He says it's because he's on holidays (true, he will go back to work at and of Xmas break next week), but I did notice that it started 2 weeks before Xmas break, in mid November, where on the two weekends when he was home, (we are separated during the week due to his work), that he was drinking a bottle and half of wine on each night of teh weekend. Now that he is on holiday, he is doing it every day. 

We visited his mother two days ago and I heard him tell her that he had given up weed because of his potential lung condition, but that he prefers it, and even though he was drunk, started telling her how bad alcohol is and how poisonous it is. He is not aggressive when drunk, though maybe a bit argumentative and pushy, and he is sleeping in in the mornings, but I am wondering, do I have a potential problem, here? At the moment he just says, "I'm on holidays', but prior to this, he had quite a bit of self-control with alcohol. I know addictions swap themselves, one for another, but I wouldn't have thought he was addicted to cannabis. Perhaps I was wrong. All thoughts and comments welcome


PS regarding wedding at end of Feb, he is very excited; probably even more than me, so it's not wedding jitters


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## Mr.Fisty

Yes, this is a red flag, and probably a continuing trend. Have a calm talk with him, and if he does not listen to you, you have more problems. People with drug abuse problems, tend to rationalize their thinking to get the feelings that their drug of choice gives them. If you were concern, he should be able to at least try for your sake and peace of mind.


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## T&T

*I wouldn't have thought he was addicted to cannabis*

Highly unlikely but enjoys it.

If he prefers it, why doesn't he just eat the MJ? 

It lasts longer, the effect is slower and will not harm his lungs. 

1001 Cannabis Recipes - The Only Guide For Cooking With Cannabis | Marijuana Forums


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## Miss Metta

Thank you, T&T. Although I was initially against him taking cannabis because of my prior experience with cannabis smokers who just 'bomb out', I had already asked him to quit smoking (which he did) in order to date me, but he was adamant that he wasn't going to give up weed as well. I conceded on it, though I didn't like it. With him, he doesn't get bombed out on it and over time, I realised he wasn't like some of the people I've known before on it, and my original fears were unfounded. However, my concerns were not taking cannabis, but the _delivery_. He has been diagnosed with the potential for serious lung disease, and smoking anything is just not a good choice. I don't have a problem with him having cannabis because he doesn't get stupid on it (though very talkative), but because of his lung condition is the only reason for him not to smoke it. Eating it is another matter entirely, he can do that if he likes. Thank you for the recipes.

My question pertains though to the sudden and rapid escalation in alcohol use in absence of cannabis; whether I have, one month before wedding, a concern there, or wait until he is back at work and see if it settles down. I am concerned that it might be the harbinger of more to come, and I'm interested in opinions.
thank you again
cheers
Metta



T&T said:


> *I wouldn't have thought he was addicted to cannabis*
> 
> Highly unlikely but enjoys it.
> 
> If he prefers it, why doesn't he just eat the MJ?
> 
> It lasts longer, the effect is slower and will not harm his lungs.
> 
> 1001 Cannabis Recipes - The Only Guide For Cooking With Cannabis | Marijuana Forums


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## T&T

Miss Metta said:


> My question pertains though to the sudden and rapid escalation in alcohol use in absence of cannabis; whether I have, one month before wedding, a concern there, or wait until he is back at work and see if it settles down. I am concerned that it might be the harbinger of more to come, and I'm interested in opinions.
> thank you again
> cheers
> Metta


It hasn't been long enough to know if he has an addiction to alcohol. With the information we've been given, I'd probably label him as someone who has an addictive personality and that is cause for concern. 

I myself, wouldn't be concerned about MJ, others would be. But, alcohol addiction is no laughing matter! 

I would sit him down and tell him your concerns. Holidays or not, there's really no reason to drink that much now is there?

Best,


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## Observer

Sounds like hee has an addictive personality therefore, yes you should be worried. Often if you present what you want in the correct way, you get good results. Tell him that you love him and want to be with him for as long as possible. Ask him to stop drinking and live a more healthy life so you can be together longer. Since he has an addictive personality, maybe try getting him to work out. If you don;t get positive results now, you should think long and hard about marriage. It would not be good for you to have an alcoholic or drug using husband.


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## Miss Metta

Hi T&T (which just made me think, that's better than G&T, given the context of this discussion! )

You are right, it's too early to tell. I'm not concerned about his prior use of MJ, though I never approved of it; I just let him do it because he had already given up party drugs and a 30 year smoking addiction for me. However, we are separated a lot, and perhaps there was more MJ going down than I knew. That said, I assumed that if you smoke enough of it, one eventually gets too bombed to even move (I tried it in my late teens and that's what happened to me), because of what I've seen with other people.
You are also right in that he probably has an addictive personality - so do I - I gave up heavy smoking in my early 20s (now late 40s) and also a stint with a bit of drinking, and also binge eating, but I've managed to sublimate all those addictions into an addiction to - art! 

Your best point though -and you are absolutely right - is that even on holidays, there's no real reason to be drinking this much every night. And it is every night. Yes, we have quite hot weather here right now and he enjoys starting off with a couple of beers and then into cold white wine, but by the end of the evening he's drunk the equivalent of 1.5 bottles or 1 litre or more of wine. And it's happened really suddenly; stopped the MJ and drinking gone from 2 glasses to what I just stated. 

Thing is, he's gone weeks without MJ before (had to, drug test at work coming up, or lack of opportunity to get it) and didn't up the booze, so I don't think stopping the MJ is entirely the cause, he says he can go without (and does, at times).

I think your advice and observations are sound, thank you.
Miss Metta



T&T said:


> It hasn't been long enough to know if he has an addiction to alcohol. With the information we've been given, I'd probably label him as someone who has an addictive personality and that is cause for concern.
> 
> I myself, wouldn't be concerned about MJ, others would be. But, alcohol addiction is no laughing matter!
> 
> I would sit him down and tell him your concerns. Holidays or not, there's really no reason to drink that much now is there?
> 
> Best,


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## Miss Metta

Hi Observer
Thank you for your thoughts. The approach you suggest is exactly the one I took when I asked him to give up smoking - that I wanted a long relationship and for him to be healthy for as long as possible. This was the same approach about the MJ; only after the lung biopsy, it became much more of an imperative; it was no longer a case of "smoking cigs or MJ might harm you some day", as is the situation with most people who haven't had any diagnosis to, "you are lucky to have escaped a fatal prognosis, however, you are now highly vulnerable and forevermore must be vigilant". I have sometimes suggested that getting 'high' from a workout could be a good subs for MJ and drugs. I swim, and I try and encourage him to come with me. Sometimes he does, but doesn't seem likely to take it up regularly, though maybe I could encourage him more. 

We've discussed sports and activities that he might enjoy and would do regularly; his favourite is motocross, but this is not something one can do every day unless living on the edge of a bike track, and takes a bit of organising to get to do! He's mentioned doing a marathon, but then not so motivated toward running regularly. So we've certainly explored ideas, I, like you, have thought that to perhaps channel that energy/addictiveness into physical activities would be a good thing. 

So far we haven't managed to come up with anything that he's willing to do regularly, it's a pity about the swimming, he's an outstanding swimmer when he does do it with me, I was so impressed that I asked him if he might consider doing one of the 'oldies' races, I told him I would be really impressed if he trained for something like that (tried to add the voice of encouragement, that I would support it and would be really proud of him if he chose to do this...)

He's 52, so he's not as able to just leap into things as much as a younger man could, but the swimming seemed feasible; plus he's really good at it. With a bit of practice, he could be phenomenal for a man of his age with no prior regular training.

He's heading back to work next week, and if I notice that it's continuing (although I won't see much because we will be separated), I'll have the same talk with him. Thanks for your advice,
Miss Metta




Observer said:


> Sounds like hee has an addictive personality therefore, yes you should be worried. Often if you present what you want in the correct way, you get good results. Tell him that you love him and want to be with him for as long as possible. Ask him to stop drinking and live a more healthy life so you can be together longer. Since he has an addictive personality, maybe try getting him to work out. If you don;t get positive results now, you should think long and hard about marriage. It would not be good for you to have an alcoholic or drug using husband.


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## MrsHaf

The MJ use wouldn't be my concern either...as another poster said look into recipes as opposed to smoking to benefit his lungs... going from one to the other without a break in between does hint at an addictive personality. My mother is an alcoholic so I would be concerned with anyone who drank every day in any amount for a holiday or not. Trust him in that he may have just wanted to let loose for the holidays and give him till he returns to work and see what happens...but if it doesn't stop then , you need to intervene. That's a road you don't wanna let him get down bcuz my own personal experience ..chances of coming back from an alcohol addiction are slim to none.


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