# Wfie left, started separated, now it's a breakup. But I kept the 2 kids



## daddymakesmistakes (Feb 15, 2011)

*Wife left me and says it's over. I kept the kids

Ok, well here it goes, my sob story.

My wife and I have dated for 5 years, we had fights and breaks over the years but we always came back to one another.

Now we are mArried. We have 2 daughters 1&3 and recently we got into a fight where I initiated it and told her things weren't working, basically told her to leave. She agreed and decided to find a new place to stay. She got an apartment about 20 min away w/ a room mate. She doesn't work and I wouldn't offer to facilitate the move, so she got 1st mth*rent from her estranged mother and moved out anyways. I let her take the car and agreed to make payments for now and put gas in it as needed. So far she's only taken 90% of her clothes. No jewelry, momentos or personal items....didn't even taker her computer or iPad

We have 2 lil girls. Wife comes back to house while they are awake to take care of them and do minor cook/clean because of girls.......not for me.

Her and I are very Nice to each other w obvious pain and heartache. We are playful; flirtatious; big deep hugS even cuddle on the couch and spoon at times.....just draw line at 'touching/kissing'........when I ask her wants goin on. She just knows we can't be together right now, but doesn't know if the future holds. She claims she wants us to raise our family together and be huge parts of each others lives, but just can't see us being together right now. So basically the kids live with me full-time and she visits everyday excep for Sunday.....that's daddy day. She is a great mother and hasn't let the girls stay overnight anywhere before all this.*

No drugs; drinking involved. I didn't have an affair and don't believe she is either.......doesn't have 'time'. In the relationship I was over bearing maybe even didn't respect her enough. I'd get made when she did dumb stuff and probably harder on her than I shoulve been, cause I do love her....just tryin to teach her too, (crazy as it sounds)

I'm 30 and own a multiple retail store (never been marraid) she's 28 (divorced twice and rocky childhood of multiple divorces).

We are attending counseling and she is also goin 1-1 for her own emotional baggage (possibly bipolar, at the very least sever depression and anxiety issues)'. I'm simply not sue what to think about the whole situation and where to go from here........I want to be with her without question, but sometimes I say things to push her away.....and don't mean it.

Also, please don't say how she's a bad mom or I'm an idiot and should run.....that really won't help with my end goal and that is to reconcile. Wesee each other daily and txt/talk hrs more......so I can't giver her the cold shoulder to allow hervspace to miss me, but instead I subtly remind her how I'm here for her and how much I care and will be there through thick and thin.

Also she uses the words us and we when talking about the future....even talked about new appliances for the house and paint colors, etc today.

Yet when I point blank bring us up....Berlin wall goes upend she feels likes I'm pressuring her and wants me just to accept things are over and not try and change them.

SO CONFUSING!

Been goin on 3.5 wks so far

Any feedback would be gladly welcomed,
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## good-dad (Feb 1, 2011)

Oh my gosh, a lot of what you're saying rings true to me also. My wife also left, with no rhyme or reason...just a simple I'm unhappy. She notified two days before Christmas she wanted a divorce and on the 26th, she moved out.

The kids stayed with me, for the majority of the time...until recently when i took them for a visit, and she decided to keep them, and i have no legal recourse until mediation or a hearing. My request for immediate custody was denied, and now i'm without my children. 

This is my first marriage, her second...and she left her first husband due to unhappiness also. She had a rough life growing up, she was the child of an affair, lived with single mom who was druggie and drinker...and may also suffer from bi polar or D.I.D. I empathize what you're going through...but unfortunately I don't see your wife changing at all, the same as I see for mine. This being her third marriage, she has a tendency to run away. I've been separated one month now, and still love my wife even though she has moved on and is living with another man. 

The one thing I would suggest is that you try to get her to sign over the physical custody to you. You can still allow her to come and go and see the kids, but if she ever takes them...she is by no way obligated to return them until a court says so. You obviously appear to be the better parent.


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## shesgone (Feb 4, 2011)

This story seems to be very common now days. My wife did the exact same thing. 
She left 2 years ago for 3 months. We worked through the problems we were having. 
Everything went fine for 2 years and then all of a sudden, she says, "I want a divorce" becasue"I am not happy anymore" 
Last time I begged and pleaded with her not to leave. This time I told her, to leave, get her clothes only and get out. 
At this point I was flat out done. At 11pm that night, she comes to the house begging on her knees at the front door for me to take her back. I let her come in and sit her down and talk to her. I established things that were never never going to happen again.
They were:
1.If you ever again so much as say you are considering leaving, I will file for divorce before the sun goes down.

2. She is to get a doctors appointment and follow through to find out what her mental problems are, BPD, Bipolar, ETC Something is wrong. She has 1 week to follow through or she is getting papers. 

And I am serious as a heart attack about all of this. 
I am done being walked on, and her being able to be wife when she wants to be. I am tired of her not even trying just turning a fight into a divorce. I wasn't mean about any of it, but I told her I was serious and I hope she believes me and follows through.


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