# The other woman messaged me - told me about cheating fiancé



## dfvsrevs (1 mo ago)

.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

Doing wrong in the past and learning from it doesn’t mean you have to punish yourself going forward. This lady should be your new best friend. If I were you I would join her at a restaurant for conversation and then invite your guy over and watch the surprise on his face when he arrives.


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## Jimi007 (6 mo ago)

Mr.Married said:


> Doing wrong in the past and learning from it doesn’t mean you have to punish yourself going forward. This lady should be your new best friend. If I were you I would me her at a restaurant for conversation and then invite your guy over and watch the surprise on his face when he arrived


That's exactly 💯


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## Jimi007 (6 mo ago)

You want to marry a guy that is already lying to you ? Telling other women that he's single....Really ?


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Two choices here:

1. dump him.
2. be his FWB, not his fiancee.


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## moon7 (May 5, 2013)

HER: ask for proofs.

HIM: snoop, research, look into his phone, his things and then confront.

The 1st thing is to find out if its true and then go from there.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

*


SarTe said:



...but I also wonder if I’m just being an idiot.

Click to expand...

*Yes. Yes you are.


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## Broken-hearted35 (1 mo ago)

I’m sure if you confront him he would lie, so do what Moon7 says and snoop. It’s not an enjoyable thing to go through a marriage distrusting the person you are supposed to be able to always count on. So do some digging and find some answers and then you can make an informed decision.


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

SarTe said:


> I just received a message from a woman saying my fiancé has cheated with her. Apparently she had been seeing him casually for a bit. He told her that we weren’t together anymore. She had gone to his house, had day dates and even had sex once. She said she asked more than once if he was single and he said yes. She knew about me but was told I was an ex. Then found out we were engaged and felt she needed to tell me.
> I’m stuck on how I want to deal with this.
> In full transparency- I have been the other woman before. Knowingly and unknowingly. I’ve never cheated on anyone myself and have been cheated on before. (None of which was with this guy) Not something I am proud of at all but felt I needed to be transparent with that. I somewhat feel this is my karma and I should just ignore it. As I type this I feel like the good with this guy far out weighs this blip but I also wonder if I’m just being an idiot.
> Any advice?


It might be karma, but you shouldn't ignore it.

This "blip" you mention. Can you stand another one a few months after you are married? Or another one 1 year later? and another and another? Before you know it you have 2 kids and 15 years and find he's never really loved just you. Could you take that in stride?

That's what you are in for if you don't blow this up.

If you're a person who is ok with an open marriage or sharing your husband, then talk it out with him and figure out how to move forward.

But I don't think you are based on your post.
So find out if it's true.
If it is dump the bf and find someone who actually wants _only_ you.


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## GC1234 (Apr 15, 2020)

SarTe said:


> I just received a message from a woman saying my fiancé has cheated with her. Apparently she had been seeing him casually for a bit. He told her that we weren’t together anymore. She had gone to his house, had day dates and even had sex once. She said she asked more than once if he was single and he said yes. She knew about me but was told I was an ex. Then found out we were engaged and felt she needed to tell me.
> I’m stuck on how I want to deal with this.
> In full transparency- I have been the other woman before. Knowingly and unknowingly. I’ve never cheated on anyone myself and have been cheated on before. (None of which was with this guy) Not something I am proud of at all but felt I needed to be transparent with that. I somewhat feel this is my karma and I should just ignore it. As I type this I feel like the good with this guy far out weighs this blip but I also wonder if I’m just being an idiot.
> Any advice?


You should definitely NOT ignore it. You have been given a gift here. Even if it is your karma, that doesn't mean you deserve it, and it's nice to hear that you've learned from your past. End the engagement, you deserve so much more. And I'm so glad this woman came forward, to show you how dishonest HE is. If you marry him, you'll be setting yourself up for future unhappiness. And DO NOT believe it when he either denies it or cries that he is sorry. Be smart and walk away!!

I would even have the three of you meet up. Let's see how willing he is to do that, or if she is willing. I'd love to see that show.


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

I tend to disagree with the idea that you need piles upon piles of ''evidence'' before leaving someone. I've read that before on here, and while I understand the reasoning behind it, this is all the proof you really need. You don't need to prove anything if you feel in your heart that you've been cheated on, based on the proof you do have.

This woman has done you a HUGE favor, even though it hurts right now. I'd end it and go no contact. If you marry this guy, you're in for a life of pain.

You post that the good outweighs this, but what else is there, if you can't trust the person you're about to marry?


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## Sfort (Sep 28, 2019)

If you continue with this relationship, at least get married with the understanding that you have an open marriage. He will treat it that way. There is nothing you can do to change or stop him. You will be able to do the same, though.


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## D0nnivain (Mar 13, 2021)

SarTe said:


> I somewhat feel this is my karma and I should just ignore it. As I type this I feel like the good with this guy far out weighs this blip but I also wonder if I’m just being an idiot.
> Any advice?


If he's cheating while you are engaged & easily lying to the women he's with telling them you are an EX & he's single, he will do this throughout your marriage. The good does not outweigh the bad here. He's a cheating liar who can't be trusted & who will probably give you a disease. He will not be a good role model as a father. He'll leave you stuck at home dealing with everything while he's out gallivanting. 

If you marry him you are no longer a victim but a volunteer. 

Call off the wedding. Tell everybody why. Get to a doctor & get an STD check. That is how you deal with this.


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## Sparky282 (11 mo ago)

This woman is not lying.

you need to dump this man and never see him again.

you have too many feelings to be a FWB with him and even if you did not relationships like that keep you stuck and hinder you from meeting someone else.

even the professionals in infidelity recovery admit.

no marriage no children automatic permanent end of relationship.


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

Sparky282 said:


> This woman is not lying.


I'm curious how you know this?

I'm not disagreeing, I just didn't see where that was established by OP.


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## Captain Obvious (Mar 14, 2021)

Do you know the other woman or know of her? Would she have a motive to lie to you about all this? If she is on the level, dump your fiancé asap. If he is a lying cheater and you take him back, then he'll know you'll always be his welcoming doormat and he can do whatever and whomever he wants when he wants.


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## Teacherwifemom (5 mo ago)

Seriously? A blip? I’m going to talk to you like I would my own sister or best friend. I don’t sugar coat and you need a lecture to snap you out of this. He’s cheating on you during what should be the happiest time of your life, when you should be focused on each other and your wedding and your future. He’s a lying, cheating sack of **** who had no trouble screwing another woman. So if you ignore this blip, as you call it, you are inviting all that will come your way over the next several years, and I’m sure you’ll pop out some kids to grow up in this disfunction before all hell breaks loose. This is not a blip, this is not normal and this is not okay. He can’t even stay faithful during your engagement! Good grief. What were your parents like that you remotely think this isn’t so bad? How do people even think like this? Find some self respect and find someone who respects you. Your life will be infinitely easier. At this point, you know what you’re getting so don’t act surprised when you find out he’s snaking around again.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

I just don't see any point in getting married to someone you already know is a cheater and a liar. The lying part is just as important. I mean technically he's not married yet so he is single but being engaged he is not supposed to be cheating. I think it's possible neither one of you should get married anytime soon because you may just be more suited to the single life and there's nothing wrong with that.


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## KayJC (5 mo ago)

SarTe said:


> I just received a message from a woman saying my fiancé has cheated with her. Apparently she had been seeing him casually for a bit. He told her that we weren’t together anymore. She had gone to his house, had day dates and even had sex once. She said she asked more than once if he was single and he said yes. She knew about me but was told I was an ex. Then found out we were engaged and felt she needed to tell me.
> I’m stuck on how I want to deal with this.
> In full transparency- I have been the other woman before. Knowingly and unknowingly. I’ve never cheated on anyone myself and have been cheated on before. (None of which was with this guy) Not something I am proud of at all but felt I needed to be transparent with that. I somewhat feel this is my karma and I should just ignore it. As I type this I feel like the good with this guy far out weighs this blip but I also wonder if I’m just being an idiot.
> Any advice?


Get as far away from this lowest of humans now. He'll be doing the same to you next year, 5 years out into infinity. There will be no better opportunity than* now *to stop what will be a lifetime of heartbreaks, worries pure trauma, pure torture, etc. 
If you don't believe me, check out Chumplady and weep with the dozens of cheated on spouses about the disasters their lives have become, and who daily post the explicit horrors they have experienced with the sorriest of wives/husbands. 
That will be an eye opener.
How old are you?
And tell the other woman she's done you the best favor that anyone could do for another person.


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## re16 (Oct 9, 2012)

SarTe said:


> I somewhat feel this is my karma and I should just ignore it.


What about the next time and the time after that? That is coming with this guy....

Get out now.


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## QuietGuy (Aug 31, 2021)

What makes you think this is just a blip. This was not even a one night stand. It was another relationship. What makes you think there haven't been more or that there will not be more in the future. He has shown you who he is. Believe him. I like the idea of meeting her at a restaraunt, but I would suggest inviting him so he walks in and sees you both together.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

If you stay, you’ll regret it. Don’t. I say that as someone who ignored many red flags in order to stay married. I’ve done some stupid things in my life but staying married so long to a cheater took the cake.


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## Megaforce (Nov 12, 2021)

Calling it a blip, plus your own history, makes me wonder how you view marriage. If cheating is a mere blip to you and you have engaged in cheating in the past, do you think, perhaps neither of you are marriage material . There are some people who simply do not view this covenant as that big of a deal.
If both of you share that value and are marrying for financial or other reasons, then do it.
But, you should discuss your expectations with one another.


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

Teacherwifemom said:


> Seriously? A blip? I’m going to talk to you like I would my own sister or best friend. I don’t sugar coat and you need a lecture to snap you out of this. He’s cheating on you during what should be the happiest time of your life, when you should be focused on each other and your wedding and your future. He’s a lying, cheating sack of **** who had no trouble screwing another woman. So if you ignore this blip, as you call it, you are inviting all that will come your way over the next several years, and I’m sure you’ll pop out some kids to grow up in this disfunction before all hell breaks loose. This is not a blip, this is not normal and this is not okay. He can’t even stay faithful during your engagement! Good grief. What were your parents like that you remotely think this isn’t so bad? How do people even think like this? Find some self respect and find someone who respects you. Your life will be infinitely easier. At this point, you know what you’re getting so don’t act surprised when you find out he’s snaking around again.


Teach, is 100% right. This ain’t no blip. The dude was hooking up with this woman AND denying you were together, let alone engaged. This is a test period for the relationship and he failed. This guy must be hot stuff for you to consider what he did to be far outweighed by the positive.

I recommend that you get into counseling to get at what has made you a broken person who to accepts this type of betrayal and also has done it to others in the past. It is not ok or normal and until you get your head straight, you will not be wife material. 1 for your nonchalant attitude about having done this in the past and also your willingness to overlook it now. You must be willing to respect your future man AND expect it back from him. Being a cheater is bad but so is being a doormat.


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## DamianDamian (Aug 14, 2019)

You're not wife material. You do not value the most important things in a man like authenticity, honestly, decency, maturity, empathy and loyalty. You value shallow cheap fun and immature excitement. Something is innately broken in you, maybe you've been abused in your life, or conditioned by a toxic person.
You need to work on yourself or else you'll get what you deserve.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

DamianDamian said:


> You're not wife material. You do not value the most important things in a man like authenticity, honestly, decency, maturity, empathy and loyalty. You value shallow cheap fun and immature excitement. Something is innately broken in you, maybe you've been abused in your life, or conditioned by a toxic person.
> You need to work on yourself or else you'll get what you deserve.


She isn't wife material because her fiancé is a cheating liar and she isn't sure how to handle it? You came to that conclusion based on what she posted here?  

I'm confused.


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## hamadryad (Aug 30, 2020)

When it comes to infidelity, its really a basic thing...

The other person doesn't value you enough to risk losing you...And usually that feeling doesn't happen(if it happens at all) until you have been married a long time and have had all your differences come to light, and the relationship has run its course, so to speak.....

Bottom line is if he's doing it to you now, there is a very good chance he'll do it again...Id put it at close to 100%..because he doesn't value you enough to not lose you...Not very many people would feel good about that, would you??


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## Leavingyou (1 mo ago)

SarTe said:


> I just received a message from a woman saying my fiancé has cheated with her. Apparently she had been seeing him casually for a bit. He told her that we weren’t together anymore. She had gone to his house, had day dates and even had sex once. She said she asked more than once if he was single and he said yes. She knew about me but was told I was an ex. Then found out we were engaged and felt she needed to tell me.
> I’m stuck on how I want to deal with this.
> In full transparency- I have been the other woman before. Knowingly and unknowingly. I’ve never cheated on anyone myself and have been cheated on before. (None of which was with this guy) Not something I am proud of at all but felt I needed to be transparent with that. I somewhat feel this is my karma and I should just ignore it. As I type this I feel like the good with this guy far out weighs this blip but I also wonder if I’m just being an idiot.
> Any advice?


This is not karma. Every relationship is different and this is in no way your fault. Do not marry this guy, he is lying to you already, time will not change him.


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## Megaforce (Nov 12, 2021)

BigDaddyNY said:


> She isn't wife material because her fiancé is a cheating liar and she isn't sure how to handle it? You came to that conclusion based on what she posted here?
> 
> I'm confused.


I suspect that conclusion was reached as the result of her having referred to her fiance's cheating as a blip, plus her own participation as an OW multiple times in the past. Folks can change, of course, but the reference to it being a mere blip evidences a pretty superficial view of the institution and is her current view on cheating.


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## badbane (Jun 9, 2012)

SarTe said:


> I just received a message from a woman saying my fiancé has cheated with her. Apparently she had been seeing him casually for a bit. He told her that we weren’t together anymore. She had gone to his house, had day dates and even had sex once. She said she asked more than once if he was single and he said yes. She knew about me but was told I was an ex. Then found out we were engaged and felt she needed to tell me.
> I’m stuck on how I want to deal with this.
> In full transparency- I have been the other woman before. Knowingly and unknowingly. I’ve never cheated on anyone myself and have been cheated on before. (None of which was with this guy) Not something I am proud of at all but felt I needed to be transparent with that. I somewhat feel this is my karma and I should just ignore it. As I type this I feel like the good with this guy far out weighs this blip but I also wonder if I’m just being an idiot.
> Any advice?


I mean two things find out if it is true. I have had old bitter girlfriends pop up months/year after I dumped them. Never cheated but ten years on they were must worse off after I moved on. I would say do your own research just to be certain. Have her send over pictures and other things that would be hard to fake. Things like that text message conversations that again would be hard to makeup on the spot.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

I suggest you try lighting your hair on fire, that will give you a good sense of what it will be like married to this guy. Obviously I am not serious but also obviously you can't marry him, it will just be a waste of time and money.


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## newsman_ca (Apr 11, 2019)

You ask if you're being an idiot.....if you stay with this man beyond this minute, then yes..yes you are


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## lmucamac (4 mo ago)

First you need to find out if this is true. Could this just be an ex trying to get revenge. Don’t ask him because if he is cheating he will lie to you. 

if it is true, ask yourself if this is how you want to spend the rest of your life. It will not change.


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## so_sweet (10 mo ago)

SarTe said:


> She had gone to his house, had day dates and even had sex once.


So, he was dating her and I assume he enjoyed being in her company. If it continued, who knows, he could have left you for her.


SarTe said:


> As I type this I feel like the good with this guy far out weighs this blip


Could you please explain what "the good with this guy" is that it far outweighs cheating on you? Because I can't think of anything so good that it would make cheating acceptable, never mind far outweigh it.


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