# Just booked my first vacation with the kids without STBX!!!!



## notmyjamie (Feb 5, 2019)

I just booked a mini vacation for me and the kids to go to Cape Cod for 3 nights. It will be my first time going without my STBX. I booked our rooms where we usually go as a family and I'm hoping that doesn't backfire on me. I was thinking someplace familiar might be nice so it's not all different this year. I think the older two will be fine but my youngest will need to be distracted a bit. 

The plan is to tell them we're proceeding with the divorce either tonight or tomorrow night. Then the STBX will drop his bomb on them. I will be there to support them but he'll have to do all the talking. He has been working with his therapist on the best way to handle it. I asked if the therapist had any ideas on what my role would be and the answer was "whatever she's comfortable with" HAHAHA...so I guess I'll stay out of it. I think they'll need a little time away to process everything. He's bribing them with a dog that they're going to pick up on Friday. They've wanted one forever and he always said no. I can picture it now "well, my Dad is gay...but at least I got this great dog out of it!!" :|

Can't wait to relax on the beach!! Crossing my fingers it all goes well.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

notmyjamie said:


> I just booked a mini vacation for me and the kids to go to Cape Cod for 3 nights. It will be my first time going without my STBX. I booked our rooms where we usually go as a family and I'm hoping that doesn't backfire on me. I was thinking someplace familiar might be nice so it's not all different this year. I think the older two will be fine but my youngest will need to be distracted a bit.
> 
> The plan is to tell them we're proceeding with the divorce either tonight or tomorrow night. Then the STBX will drop his bomb on them. I will be there to support them but he'll have to do all the talking. He has been working with his therapist on the best way to handle it. I asked if the therapist had any ideas on what my role would be and the answer was "whatever she's comfortable with" HAHAHA...so I guess I'll stay out of it. I think they'll need a little time away to process everything. He's bribing them with a dog that they're going to pick up on Friday. They've wanted one forever and he always said no. I can picture it now "well, my Dad is gay...but at least I got this great dog out of it!!" :|
> 
> Can't wait to relax on the beach!! Crossing my fingers it all goes well.


Congrats. Time on the beach for you and the yungun's should be theraputic. 

Who's taking care of the dog while you're on the beach... or is fido going with you?


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## Absurdist (Oct 10, 2014)

I hope you have a good time on Cape Cod. Just musing whether you should have gone somewhere different.

Regarding the dog....

Michael McKean’s character in Best in Show comes to mind.

NMJ will probably end up taking care of the pooch.


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## notmyjamie (Feb 5, 2019)

Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> Congrats. Time on the beach for you and the yungun's should be theraputic.
> 
> Who's taking care of the dog while you're on the beach... or is fido going with you?


Dog will be staying home with his owner...my STBX.



Absurdist said:


> I hope you have a good time on Cape Cod. Just musing whether you should have gone somewhere different.
> 
> Yeah...I was wondering the same thing...but it's pretty hard to live where I live and NOT do a Cape vacation. My kids would be devastated not to go at least once this summer and I have no idea what his plans are for them. He's taking a solo vacation in September so probably has no money to bring them anywhere. Don't get me started.
> 
> ...


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

notmyjamie said:


> Yeah...I was wondering the same thing...but it's pretty hard to live where I live and NOT do a Cape vacation. My kids would be devastated not to go at least once this summer and I have no idea what his plans are for them.


This sounds good. Having a little continuity and familiarity of routine may provide a stabilizing foundation in a time of otherwise unpleasant change for the kids.


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## 20yr (Apr 19, 2019)

Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> This sounds good. Having a little continuity and familiarity of routine may provide a stabilizing foundation in a time of otherwise unpleasant change for the kids.


I agree. Kids like familiarity and routine. Going to the same place will be reassuring - as long as you are ok with it and it does not make you sad to think about the family dinners at the same restaurant, etc.


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

notmyjamie said:


> I can picture it now "well, my Dad is gay...but at least I got this great dog out of it!!" :|


If you can read this I have successfully dried off my iPad. That was an epic snork.

Enjoy! Bay side or ocean side?


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## notmyjamie (Feb 5, 2019)

CharlieParker said:


> If you can read this I have successfully dried off my iPad. That was an epic snork.
> 
> Enjoy! Bay side or ocean side?


Ocean...always ocean!!! Coastguard beach is my kids' favorite for boogie boarding. So beautiful there. I will miss having STBX to carry some of the crap from the tram though. LOL


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

notmyjamie said:


> Ocean...always ocean!!! Coastguard beach is my kids' favorite for boogie boarding. So beautiful there. I will miss having STBX to carry some of the crap from the tram though. LOL


Time to help ease the kiddos into some self sufficiency. As a dad, I was always far too eager to do all the heavy lifting so the rest of the family could simply enjoy the vacation. In retrospect, that was a poor choice, robbing the kids of their development. My wife told me as much many times (although somehow none of that seemed to me carrying her load, but I digress). In any case, divorce often forces kids to grow up a little more a little sooner. Helping haul gear is a pretty low-key and benign example of that.


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## notmyjamie (Feb 5, 2019)

Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> Time to help ease the kiddos into some self sufficiency. As a dad, I was always far too eager to do all the heavy lifting so the rest of the family could simply enjoy the vacation. In retrospect, that was a poor choice, robbing the kids of their development. My wife told me as much many times (although somehow none of that seemed to me carrying her load, but I digress). In any case, divorce often forces kids to grow up a little more a little sooner. Helping haul gear is a pretty low-key and benign example of that.


They've been hauling all their own stuff for years. Bags, boogie boards, chairs, etc. He carried the heavy cooler and the umbrellas. We'll figure it out. I'm just limited in how much I can carry due to back surgery a few years ago.


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## Absurdist (Oct 10, 2014)

notmyjamie said:


> I'm just limited in how much I can carry due to back surgery a few years ago.



Oy vay. You’re a braver person than I am NMJ.

The whole lumbar section of my spine revolted against me. It’s what I get for playing high school and college football.


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## notmyjamie (Feb 5, 2019)

Absurdist said:


> Oy vay. You’re a braver person than I am NMJ.
> 
> The whole lumbar section of my spine revolted against me. It’s what I get for playing high school and college football.


Braver because I had the surgery or because I'll take my aching back to the beach? I had no choice on the surgery...I was partially paralyzed, my right leg was useless. I couldn't walk, or work, or do much of anything. Had to be done. I guess I could have skipped it but my life would look a hell of a lot different than it does now. I'd still be with the STBX, trapped in my bedroom, eating take out every night and gaining weight like it was a sport. I much prefer my life now...I've lost 36lbs, I dropped the STBX, I can walk, I can work. Life is good. I'd do it again in heart beat.

As for the beach...I might just regret that choice LOL


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## Absurdist (Oct 10, 2014)

notmyjamie said:


> Braver because I had the surgery or because I'll take my aching back to the beach? I had no choice on the surgery...I was partially paralyzed, my right leg was useless. I couldn't walk, or work, or do much of anything. Had to be done. I guess I could have skipped it but my life would look a hell of a lot different than it does now. I'd still be with the STBX, trapped in my bedroom, eating take out every night and gaining weight like it was a sport. I much prefer my life now...I've lost 36lbs, I dropped the STBX, I can walk, I can work. Life is good. I'd do it again in heart beat.
> 
> As for the beach...I might just regret that choice LOL


It’s the surgery part. As we say in the South, I’m too skeert to have it done. Looks like you had no choice.

So, a poem...

I’ll take Advil for life
To forego the knife
But I’ll quiver and shiver
Cause they’re killing my liver


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## notmyjamie (Feb 5, 2019)

Absurdist said:


> It’s the surgery part. As we say in the South, I’m too skeert to have it done. Looks like you had no choice.
> 
> So, a poem...
> 
> ...


LOL!!! I took so much Advil before my surgery I gave myself an ulcer. Ugh.


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