# Is it appropriate?



## Anaja (Oct 1, 2012)

My husband just left at nearly 1 in the morning with his "cool", single, party-all-night brother. They apparently are going to a 24hour restaurant to talk "business" since my hubby is helping him get it off the ground. This makes me very angry because we have 4 small kids and I just don't think that its appropriate to be leaving the house in the middle of the night when you're a married family man. Would that make you upset? His brother coming to town is begining to be a problem for me because he always wants my hubby to go places and do things that are not conducive to a marriage. What's your opinion? Am I wrong for being upset?


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## bribrius (Jun 29, 2012)

party, not appropriate
business, appropriate


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## Omgitsjoe (Oct 1, 2012)

Not appropriate at all ?! Whatever needs to be discussed can be discussed n the am. He should not be lean is wife and family at this or ?!!? Good luck !


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

hmmmm been involved with businesses all my life, I would be very surprised if they are actually going out at 1 am to talk business.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Tell your husband you met someone else and your going to meet him and you will be home when you get home.
Reassure him its just business. 

So were can you and spend the day and night and even the next day?

Until he gets a taste of a WAW (walk away wife) now, it won't be long before he gets a real taste, years from now.

Its scary to do this, but its my experience that years from now you really will be a WAW.

Some times 2 wrong don't make it right, but on the other hand fight fire with fire. Its your call but again years from now the resentment will be over whelming and you will really be a WAW and it will be your H on this form b!tching about all the GNO and texting with OM.

Thats just how it works. So do your self a favor and give him a taste of things to come if he continues.

Sure it will piss him off but thats cuz you just made his 2nd life that just more inconvienent and uncomfortable.....which is a good thing.


What sucks is you just might find some smooth talking young guy that really will sweep you off your feet. So go find a place to hide and turn your phone off. A statement that will at least show him thru actions that you will no longer share your husband.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Poor SOB if your H knew what I know now he would think twice about his behavior!


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## Anaja (Oct 1, 2012)

To make matters worse, when I confronted him about it before he was leaving, he began speaking louder and louder so that his brother could hear. Then making a big scene, throwing off his shoes, telling his brother he's not going. Now his brother is involved and walking around making ridiculing comments toward me in defense of my hubby . Like, isn't there a rule about keeping family out of your marital issues? How should I handle his brother? Its stressful because I don't want to have riffs with his brother from now until forever. Also, in the end I told my hubby to do what he wanted to do since he is a grown man, but don't expect me to just get over it all.


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## bribrius (Jun 29, 2012)

Anaja said:


> To make matters worse, when I confronted him about it before he was leaving, he began speaking louder and louder so that his brother could hear. Then making a big scene, throwing off his shoes, telling his brother he's not going. Now his brother is involved and walking around making ridiculing comments toward me in defense of my hubby . Like, isn't there a rule about keeping family out of your marital issues? How should I handle his brother? Its stressful because I don't want to have riffs with his brother from now until forever. Also, in the end I told my hubby to do what he wanted to do since he is a grown man, but don't expect me to just get over it all.


i think you might have been better off with something like "just remember hunny we have kids and we have to get up early in the morning".


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## Anaja (Oct 1, 2012)

Bribrius, you think I should have said that to avoid having his brother involved? Or are you saying a reminder of the kids and responsibilites would have been sufficient to keep him from going?


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## bribrius (Jun 29, 2012)

Anaja said:


> Bribrius, you think I should have said that to avoid having his brother involved? Or are you saying a reminder of the kids and responsibilites would have been sufficient to keep him from going?


i think it might have been sufficient. And even if it wasn't and he still went it might have got him home at a earlier time.
He is probably somewhat reliving his past with his brother. Not a bad thing, but a gentle reminder from time to time that he has a wife and family now might help keep him on track.
I have gone to many a all nite diner. It really isnt a big deal. For a business talk over a siblings plan i probably would go to one provided i didnt have to work in the morning. They tend to be quieter, and easier places to talk. After all it is the middle of the night. some can get kind of busy, once the clubs and bars let out alot of people come in. Depends on the location. But then again, im kind of a night person. Do you have alot of money he is investing in this? That might give it a certain precedence, or maybe they have a time frame they are thinking that could also give it some sense of urgency. Or they could just be excited over it and want to go somewhere and talk about it without too many distractions that will serve them a meal.
A gentle reminder, is what my wife would do with me. i pretty much do what i want. She is the main caretaker of the children. But she would probably give me a gentle reminder that i have a wife and children and the days of pulling all niters need to be limited. She trusts me though.


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## *LittleDeer* (Apr 19, 2012)

He let his brother speak disrespectfully towards you? That would be just as bad as the wanting to head out at 1am. 
I agree to giving him a taste of his own medicine.

Then tell him of he can't be respectful and put the marriage and your children first and if he allows his family to speak badly to you or about you then you will be reconsidering if you want to be married.

You two are supposed to be a team and Put each other first.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Anaja (Oct 1, 2012)

We are both "night" people but I still wouldn't dare think of telling him I'm going to a diner at 1am. We have breakfast food here. The kids are sleeping. The house is enormous. There's plenty of space to sit and have a quiet convo. He has a "cave" in a part of the basement where he can blast his music, smoke or whatever he wants right there, and no one would be disturbed. So why is he so adament about going to the diner? I just feel like, he's forgot that he's not living te same kind of life as his brother. Also, getting his brother involved seems like a bad idea to me. Now I feel totally awkward around him.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Anaja is he planing on actually on going into business with his brother or just giving him advice? If they are going into business together you may have some problems to nip in the bud before they start.

Business and family often don't mix well together and if his brother is as he seems in your posts I would be very wary of how you tread with this.


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## bribrius (Jun 29, 2012)

Anaja said:


> We are both "night" people but I still wouldn't dare think of telling him I'm going to a diner at 1am. We have breakfast food here. The kids are sleeping. The house is enormous. There's plenty of space to sit and have a quiet convo. He has a "cave" in a part of the basement where he can blast his music, smoke or whatever he wants right there, and no one would be disturbed. So why is he so adament about going to the diner? I just feel like, he's forgot that he's not living te same kind of life as his brother. Also, getting his brother involved seems like a bad idea to me. Now I feel totally awkward around him.


My wife wouldnt dare tell me she was going to a diner at 1 a.m. either. Nor would i probably let her go. I wouldnt hesitate in saying i was going to one though and she wouldnt tell me i couldnt. It is a double standard, i know. She has shorter leash and tighter collar than i do.
i cant explain it.
Do you have some reason not to trust your husband? You should ask him.

i can only speculate. Maybe they wanted to get out of the house? Maybe they have been to that diner in the past and it is a tradition type thing? Only he knows. Did he leave? does he have a cell phone? Call him and ask him. You seem kind of insecure on this.


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## Anaja (Oct 1, 2012)

Thanks everyone for your concern and advice.

I'm going to 1.email him a few articles about the importance of keeing family out of relationships. 2. Talk to him in the morning about the vision for his brothers business, and if we can set up boundaries that will let him particpate but respect our marriage. 3. Find a counselor if the first two don't work.

Thanks again everybody!


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## underwater2010 (Jun 27, 2012)

It is never wrong to feel upset. But, have you expressed in a nice way that this is upsetting you. Would it be better if they were to meet at your house instead? Communication is the key to marriage. DO NOT let this get to the point where you become an angry wife.


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

Aren't you wondering what kind of business discussion takes your husband out with his brother at 1am? I'm more suspicious than many wives, but that's one thing that's sticking out in my mind.

That the brother got involved is a complete lack of respect toward you. I can't figure which is worse, to be honest.


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## heavensangel (Feb 12, 2012)

No legitimate business that I can think of that in my mind would justify: 

1. H leaving our home @ 1 am to discuss; why can't they discuss it at your place? 
2. H allowing anyone to speak to me that way much less a family member. They both would have been out on their arse after that!


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