# What do you do if you and your spouse want to live in different places?



## Confused99 (Jul 29, 2010)

Hubby is in the military and I spent 2 1/2 years on the opposite coast as my family and we all know in these economic times airfare isn't cheap! I had enough of it and I am now spending time near my family during a separation. Hubby's term ends soon and he can either re-enlist or get out of the military and use his GI Bill to go to school. Problem is I'm so happy here!! I love being able to see my family and Im still two hours a way so its only once a week
or sometimes two weeks but it makes a world of a difference for me. It's very relaxing and rejuvenating to be around the family and close friends who know me well and love and support me. If hubby re-enlists, I either have to go back across the country, another place, or even possibly overseas. If he gets out, he wants to go to school close to his family who are a 12-14 hr drive away from mine. 
I know the thought that comes up is- why didnt you all discuss this BEFORE you got married? well I was in honeymoon stage and I just thought Id be happy anywhere but those couple years without my family nearby took a toll on me that I didnt expect.

So what do we do??? I value marriage but I cant imagine leaving my family again. Thoughts???


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

He's away from his family all the time. Just sayin.

Military families have to make all kinds of sacrifices. Wives and husbands alike.

Please thank him for his service... I'm an anonymous stranger but I appreciate all he does for us.


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

I know it's very difficult --

but he is your family now. Perhaps you can talk to him about some midway compromise?


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Confused99 said:


> I know the thought that comes up is- why didnt you all discuss this BEFORE you got married? well I was in honeymoon stage and I just thought Id be happy anywhere but those couple years without my family nearby took a toll on me that I didnt expect.
> 
> So what do we do??? I value marriage but I cant imagine leaving my family again. Thoughts???


Even during the honeymoon stage, you should have expressed your apprehensions about leaving your family and friends. To be honest, you had to realize, to some extent, that the honeymoon phase does not last forever.

What do you do? You place a higher value on your marriage. Above your friends. Above your family. Your husband comes first. And to be perfectly honest with you, in this crummy economic environment, he'd be wise to re-up.

I was an Army wife. My MIL was an Army wife. Her advice? "You gotta roll with the punches." Sounds simplistic, but this is the reality of what is, honeymoon or not.

How many years does your husband have in? I assume you were quite close with your family prior to marriage. You had to realize that, sooner or later, you were going to miss them. 

If being back home, with all that is familiar, is making you happier than moving all over with your husband, I think you should seriously consider if you want to live apart.


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

Just get divorced. A marriage where one spouse does not want to live with the other is no marriage at all.


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