# Brace for impact



## giashasa2012 (Aug 16, 2012)

PForum • View topic - Bye Bye Fog


......by newname_samegame on June 20th, 2013, 4:21 am
I love reading the BS site as well 
This is also the thing I have the biggest issue with. I'm sure its true for some, but not all. The caught will often say anything to convince their spouse to work things out.
Are you a member on the site? What you will find is that there is a private email group of WW's that feel the exact opposite of what they post and only post for the spouse that is reading.
My xOM still loves his exOW, even though he said and did everything his wife wanted him to. So she would say exactly what those spouses say, when it was not true from his side.

And I did not lie to him either. I know there's the whole cheating with you will cheat/lie to you too, but for me and many others, the A is the more honest relationship.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

giashasa2012 said:


> PForum • View topic - Bye Bye Fog
> 
> 
> ......by newname_samegame on June 20th, 2013, 4:21 am
> ...


Honest relationship? Yeah, whatever.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Hortensia (Feb 1, 2013)

Lol. You're saying this to see reactions, right?
It's sad if you really believe what you wrote.


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## workindad (May 7, 2011)

Yuck
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## r0r0bin (Jul 13, 2013)

troll


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## pollywog (May 30, 2013)

There is NOTHING honest about a spouse cheating - period! 

The WS is not honest with wife/husband and certainly not honest with the AP.


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## giashasa2012 (Aug 16, 2012)

I didn't write it.I am a BS that has divorced his WW and never spoke with her again . 

It's from a cheaters support forum .Many of the doc-cool members have found refouge there. They even have a thread ( refuges of doc-cool)



And that is the interesting part of the post......

" .......What you will find is that there is a private email group of WW's that feel the exact opposite of what they post and only post for the spouse that is reading......."

If not all , most of the WW ( WH) that write in a forum knowing that their spouse knows about the forum, lie . They use the forum to manipulate their BS


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## Hortensia (Feb 1, 2013)

Omg...wondering if the same happens here..do the WSes bring the BSes and do in such way that they find a "contrite" post/ thread? That's so wrong...


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## giashasa2012 (Aug 16, 2012)

The lies never stop, and as a Bs you never can be sure fot anythibg.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Now I feel like I need a shower. In my mind. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

I looked a few posts there. Everything is about sex... well, relationships and love also figure in but mostly it feels like cheating beyond the pale without apology.

It's important to realize that a lot of cheating is going on. Maybe more than 50% of marriages are affected. It is not always discovered. Divorce rates are high. Mavash said 67% of second marriages fail.

I want to see my children understand how to pick a good partner, so they are not statistics. However, modern society is not entirely helpful.

A sports teammate of my mine had been engaged two or three years (cohabiting, I assume), got married and divorced in around a year's time. His spouse fell out of love with him. Her father owns a high end brand auto dealership. He drove nice sporty car for awhile. After divorce he got a motorcycle.

He is about 6'4". Prof athlete type body. In great shape. Ready smile. IT professional consultant. Always ready to joke and smile. Not a ruthless alpha. Nice. Generous.

I'll bet that if he had set boundaries and been less needy she wouldn't fallen out of love. But the interesting thing is her utter lack of interest in trying to salvage the marriage.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

LongWalk said:


> I looked a few posts there. Everything is about sex... well, relationships and love also figure in but mostly it feels like cheating beyond the pale without apology.
> 
> It's important to realize that a lot of cheating is going on. Maybe more than 50% of marriages are affected. It is not always discovered. Divorce rates are high. Mavash said 67% of second marriages fail.
> 
> ...


What's considered "needy" these days? Having needs that you aren't going to cheat on your significant other to recieve?


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

treyvion said:


> What's considered "needy" these days? Having needs that you aren't going to cheat on your significant other to recieve?


Machiavelli would say that only 20% of men are really attractive to women. So there is a need on the part of women to be with man whose sex rank is higher. Thus, women are discontented with husbands. They have a need that husbands can fill by dating being a little unpredictable, confident, decisive, masculine.

A recent study showed that couples who divided household chores like dishwashing fairly had less sex. A guy who helps out at home goes down in sex ranking. This is counterintuitive since modern men are taught to do their fair share.

Men want sex and after marriage they think OK now I don't have to date and seduce. Turns out this doesn't work. This is not how most guys conceived of marriage. They thought by surrendering the right to roam in search sex partners and commit to monogamy they thought they would get laid three or four times a week.

Women are not happy with guys surfing for porn. Big problem. Wife closes legs, husband turns to porn. No ones needs are being met.

Back to my teammate: I never discussed his relationship with his ex he just told me after practice when I caught ride with him. I imagine that his work, like all IT consulting, involves stressful stuff with Microsoft products. I suppose he would have a need to vent about crazy clients and irritating colleagues, but that sort of conversation might not have been very appealing to his then wife.

I think she had high level marketing job selling men's razors. A famous brand. Her job sounded more exciting. So if he had need to be respected for his work status, I doubt it was there. I never met her. He just told me about the pressure to buy an expensive car from his FIL to be.


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## TryingToRecover (Dec 19, 2012)

What happens when the wife isn't closing her legs and is open to sex several times a week? Yet WS still cheated and still occasionally surfs porn? If he did his fair share around the house it would not detract from my attraction to him, not at all. 

This line of thinking amongst some in society is why the idea of remarriage is f'in appalling to me. If I end up divorcing WS it would take an act of some higher power to get me out on a date, to say nothing about remarriage (Never.Again.). I'd rather be alone the rest of my life than live the d*mned if you do, d*mned if you don't. UGH
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

Ok lets talk about it. I've done a few ways. 

I've been A average husband who forgets some holidays, may not rank his wifes priorities the highest, etc. 

A career minded husband approaching a level of narcissim. 

Also a hyper focused and dedicated and loyal and loving husband.

Many of Mach's observations are based on what subconsciously attracts these women.



LongWalk said:


> Machiavelli would say that only 20% of men are really attractive to women. So there is a need on the part of women to be with man whose sex rank is higher. Thus, women are discontented with husbands. They have a need that husbands can fill by dating being a little unpredictable, confident, decisive, masculine.


They are all different. Some women do NOT want the Alpha. They want their equal, they do not want or need to be controlled. So I'm not sure I agree with the 20% number or it has to be Alpha. However when there is trouble in paradise, many times it is too much Beta.

A non-respondant Alpha who doesn't take care of home could also be cheated on terribly too, so that is another angle.



LongWalk said:


> A recent study showed that couples who divided household chores like dishwashing fairly had less sex. A guy who helps out at home goes down in sex ranking. This is counterintuitive since modern men are taught to do their fair share.


Well you don't want your partner to be resentful of carrying the entire load. I believe the true and final method is you do do some extra tasks, but you also do some things outside the house to make her mind wonder, let her miss you.

But taking on alot of the traditional "female" tasks did have an affect of "cooling" the embers on lust and attraction, it made you much more safer and much more reliable. Cheaters are more comfortable cheating on this.



LongWalk said:


> Men want sex and after marriage they think OK now I don't have to date and seduce. Turns out this doesn't work. This is not how most guys conceived of marriage. They thought by surrendering the right to roam in search sex partners and commit to monogamy they thought they would get laid three or four times a week.


I don't know a man or woman who got married to NOT HAVE SEX. Now if two LD's went into marriage, and they knew this was going to be a great thing to not have to worry about, great. But this is not the reality. Most of time people are baited and switched, with temporary or dating behaviors which are attractive or hook someone. Then when they have them, they drop back to what they like to do. There are a great deal of women who like sex as much as men, and others who don't, women who used to like sex as much as men, but started using it to get people to like her, and now she doesn't really like sex - but will use it to gain her access to resources.



LongWalk said:


> Women are not happy with guys surfing for porn. Big problem. Wife closes legs, husband turns to porn. No ones needs are being met.


In a good situation you really don't need porn. It can be spice to add to a relationship, no reason to sneak it. But if wife provides no sex and intimacy, you may be tempted to look at porn.



LongWalk said:


> Back to my teammate: I never discussed his relationship with his ex he just told me after practice when I caught ride with him. I imagine that his work, like all IT consulting, involves stressful stuff with Microsoft products. I suppose he would have a need to vent about crazy clients and irritating colleagues, but that sort of conversation might not have been very appealing to his then wife.


Nope. Even if she's in that field she probably doesn't want to hear it. It's not something that can get someone excited, unless they can relate through experience and they like talking about it.



LongWalk said:


> I think she had high level marketing job selling men's razors. A famous brand. Her job sounded more exciting. So if he had need to be respected for his work status, I doubt it was there. I never met her. He just told me about the pressure to buy an expensive car from his FIL to be.


If this is how he feels, I wouldn't voice the opinion to her or make it apparent.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

MattMatt said:


> Honest relationship? Yeah, whatever.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Your belief is now it doesn't happen.


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

> If this is how he feels, I wouldn't voice the opinion to her or make it apparent.


Well, their marriage is over. They had no kids so their communication must be nil. However, I know that his ex was best friends with a woman married to a good buddy of his.

So maybe they still hear stuff about each other.

One of these days I am going to ask him if she was too materialistic and when tried to make her happy in life style it just didn't work.


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