# Newlywed= No Sex?



## RM250_Chris (Nov 16, 2014)

Hey everyone, I just now created an account mainly because I've only been married for 2 1/2 months and already seeing some issues. I am 21 and she is 20. Since we moved in together over 2 months ago we have probably only had sex maybe 5 or 6 times..? Before we tied the knot we were very sexually active. I mean, we're young, that should be normal. Im at the point now to where I don't even try to initiate or anything. Theres been times when she says "no" and then I go to the bathroom and she asks me where I'm going, and i tell her I'm going to masturbate, and she just lets me go like she doesn't care about my happiness at all. I even get rejected for affection. I feel like Im just annoying when I want a hug or a kiss. She does kiss me, but only out of her convenience when SHE wants it. We haven't used tongue since probably the first week we moved in? Im a very loving guy and she knows id bend over backwards for her. Sometimes i feel she takes me for granted. The other day before I came home from work I asked her what her plans were that night and she said nothing, so I went out and said, "Babe, to be honest, I want you so bad, and I have for a while." And all she says is "Im too tired" or "Im not feeling it". It destroys me because I know for a fact I can please that woman. But, we have been having other issues. I caught her in little lies, but she will never admit to it or say sorry, Its always MY fault for accusing. 

If anybody has some good input for me that would be very helpful, thanks for reading


----------



## AlphaProvider (Jul 8, 2013)

RM250_Chris said:


> Hey everyone, I just now created an account mainly because I've only been married for 2 1/2 months and already seeing some issues. I am 21 and she is 20. Since we moved in together over 2 months ago we have probably only had sex maybe 5 or 6 times..? Before we tied the knot we were very sexually active. I mean, we're young, that should be normal. Im at the point now to where I don't even try to initiate or anything. Theres been times when she says "no" and then I go to the bathroom and she asks me where I'm going, and i tell her I'm going to masturbate, and she just lets me go like she doesn't care about my happiness at all. I even get rejected for affection. I feel like Im just annoying when I want a hug or a kiss. She does kiss me, but only out of her convenience when SHE wants it. We haven't used tongue since probably the first week we moved in? Im a very loving guy and she knows id bend over backwards for her. Sometimes i feel she takes me for granted. The other day before I came home from work I asked her what her plans were that night and she said nothing, so I went out and said, "Babe, to be honest, I want you so bad, and I have for a while." And all she says is "Im too tired" or "Im not feeling it". It destroys me because I know for a fact I can please that woman. But, we have been having other issues. I caught her in little lies, but she will never admit to it or say sorry, Its always MY fault for accusing.
> 
> If anybody has some good input for me that would be very helpful, thanks for reading


First of all I want to say. You did not get married too young. In older years people got married at 18, 16 and even younger.

So you and your wife CAN make it.

Our society has such a tremendous influence and can corrupt people, and this is what your marriage will have to make it through.

Your going to have to be strong, and a good example of a man. It doesn't mean your perfect, but you must be effective.

On your age. 20 and 21. At that age jealousy, anger, ego, etc are all heightened and feel more important to you than they should. So probably the best thing you can do for yourself so that you aren't having to go to the bathroom to masterbate is put yourself at the top of the pack for males so many women outside your house want to bang your brains out. Your wife will be territorial and do what she is supposed to do to hang onto her husband.

This is how they usually are. Now a good woman can know she has a really good thing and it might not be the hottest looker, but it takes care of her and makes her feel great and her love grows over time... A great many women and men however use their eyes, and peer selections to decide what gets them hot. I think you should take advantage of this.

So it is taking care of:

1. Your body ( may as well have one of the best bodies )
2. Your dress ( clothes for each occasion, be a good dresser )
3. Your style ( hey you have things you nitpick on, that have to be a certain way )
4. Your swag ( confidence and how you carry
5. Your life ( your social life outside the wife, maybe you do a poker nite with some alpha males, play tackle football, work on cars, you do a l little clubbing, pool for money ) Wifey needs to know her man is one of the top ones.

If you can get all this in order, you will be banging her hard, I mean she will be banging you hard and often.

You can do it, and you MIGHT AS WELL since even if you and wifey were no longer together you'd get greater benefits out of your life.

BTW, I would no longer advertise I'm masterbating when she rejects you, your getting 6 or 7 times in a two month period so that's 3 or 4 a month, there's people here at 1 or less amonth.

When she rejects you, I'd dress and smell real clean, leave the house, get a workout, and maybe even stay out a little late having hit the bars. Don't rub it in her face, but if she ask tell her where you been.

Enjoy your life. Women love men who are in demand and their panties get wet.


----------



## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

Perhaps you can get an annulment?

Marriage changes people.

It has something to do with the commitment.


----------



## AlphaProvider (Jul 8, 2013)

lenzi said:


> Perhaps you can get an annulment?
> 
> Marriage changes people.
> 
> It has something to do with the commitment.


They CAN get an annulment. But there should be no race into it.

There are some women who marry a guy and once they got him married figured they got him and don't have to do that stuff anymore.

I ask him to better himself, something that will help him if he is married or not.

A lot of wives even sexless wives will respond when they feel other women are coming up into their territory.

But yes, if he can do all of this for naught and wifey just wanted to know she was married and that's what this was a bout, he needs to annul.


----------



## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

RM250_Chris said:


> Hey everyone, I just now created an account mainly because I've only been married for 2 1/2 months and already seeing some issues. I am 21 and she is 20. Since we moved in together over 2 months ago we have probably only had sex maybe 5 or 6 times..? Before we tied the knot we were very sexually active. I mean, we're young, that should be normal. Im at the point now to where I don't even try to initiate or anything. Theres been times when she says "no" and then I go to the bathroom and she asks me where I'm going, and i tell her I'm going to masturbate, and she just lets me go like she doesn't care about my happiness at all. I even get rejected for affection. I feel like Im just annoying when I want a hug or a kiss. She does kiss me, but only out of her convenience when SHE wants it. We haven't used tongue since probably the first week we moved in? Im a very loving guy and she knows id bend over backwards for her. Sometimes i feel she takes me for granted. The other day before I came home from work I asked her what her plans were that night and she said nothing, so I went out and said, "Babe, to be honest, I want you so bad, and I have for a while." And all she says is "Im too tired" or "Im not feeling it". It destroys me because I know for a fact I can please that woman.* But, we have been having other issues.* I caught her in little lies, but she will never admit to it or say sorry, Its always MY fault for accusing.
> 
> If anybody has some good input for me that would be very helpful, thanks for reading


Fix this. It is not unrelated. Don't wait until it is too late. Go to counseling.


----------



## AlphaProvider (Jul 8, 2013)

NobodySpecial said:


> Fix this. It is not unrelated. Don't wait until it is too late. Go to counseling.


True. The earlier the better.

Also know who your competition is for your wife's eyes and for her mind. It's a bunch of young dumb full of cum guys, and you might be loving your wife and nice and plaint for her, and these other guys are not and it might be hotter to her.

I still ask you ontop of the counseling together, to better yourself as a man, as a whole as an attractive man within your age range.

You do not have to cheat on your wife, but if she knows that you rate highly in your age range and also that other women are acting funny around her due to you she probably will do the right thing and take care of her husband plenty of it.


----------



## Ripper (Apr 1, 2014)

Annulment. Now, not later.

Few months in and you are already dealing with this garbage. Be thankful she showed you who she really is before locking you down completely with kids, mortgage, and possible spousal support.

Chances are, she will self correct when you file. Don't wavier. She failed the marriage test. If she straightens her issues out, you can always conduct a long term relationship with her. That being said, never again enter into a state sanctioned (aka marriage) relationship with her. These issues are too likely to redevelop.


----------



## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

RM250_Chris said:


> Hey everyone, I just now created an account mainly because I've only been married for 2 1/2 months and already seeing some issues. I am 21 and she is 20. Since we moved in together over 2 months ago we have probably only had sex maybe 5 or 6 times..? Before we tied the knot we were very sexually active. I mean, we're young, that should be normal. Im at the point now to where I don't even try to initiate or anything. Theres been times when she says "no" and then I go to the bathroom and she asks me where I'm going, and i tell her I'm going to masturbate, and she just lets me go like she doesn't care about my happiness at all. I even get rejected for affection. I feel like Im just annoying when I want a hug or a kiss. She does kiss me, but only out of her convenience when SHE wants it. We haven't used tongue since probably the first week we moved in? Im a very loving guy and she knows id bend over backwards for her. Sometimes i feel she takes me for granted. The other day before I came home from work I asked her what her plans were that night and she said nothing, so I went out and said, "Babe, to be honest, I want you so bad, and I have for a while." And all she says is "Im too tired" or "Im not feeling it". It destroys me because I know for a fact I can please that woman. But, we have been having other issues. I caught her in little lies, but she will never admit to it or say sorry, Its always MY fault for accusing.
> 
> If anybody has some good input for me that would be very helpful, thanks for reading


Rejection stings. Rejected for sex stings but rejection for NONsexual affection really stings. When you say she rejects nonsexual attention I wondered if she was heading off any escalation toward sex?

Other than sex and affection how is your relationship? Does she talk to you about her feelings? Does she seek out your feelings? This is emotional intimacy and for a lot of women if a relationship lacks emotional intimacy it generally, but not always, lacks physical intimacy.

Go here and print out two copies, one for each of you.
Emotional Needs Questionnaire

Before you give this to your wife, you're going to have to have a CALM conversation during which you explain that you're worried about the marriage because you feel rejected for regular affection, for regular sex and for a man, being rejected for affection and sex feels like you are not loved. This is something most women don't fully understand. And just saying it won't be enough to help her understand.

You guys are very young and as such communication on these very difficult subjects is going to be ...difficult. This is why these print outs can help get to the heart of the matter.

I suggest you read some other threads here and learn more about emotional intimacy.

And yes, being attractive to your spouse is important. If you are all spiffed up but act like an ass and you're not attractive, not suggesting you do this, but just know attraction is not only dependent on appearance but on how you conduct yourself toward her and others. For instance if you pout when she rejects you, that only undermines you. I would suggest you simply mention it lightly, "ouch rejection stings..." And then continue on.


----------



## Juicer (May 2, 2012)

There are several red flags to begin with. 

First thing that pops out, is you fell for a bait and switch. And generally, the bait they used to lure you in doesn't come back. I.E. sex. 
And you two haven't even been married 6 months! You two shouldn't be able to keep your hands off each other! 

Second, spurning sexual advances as a spouse can be attributed to a list of reasons. Too long to go into. 
Spurning affection from your spouse is to hurt them. Or because you have zero romantic interest in them. 

And finally, the little lies are a problem. I don't know how big the lies are, but these little white lies tend to grow into bigger lies. 
And her getting mad at you, for your accusations, and catching her in them.....dude, this is not normal. 
This is scary. 


There is a reason so many people here and telling you to get this annulled. 
Most people with these tendencies wait until years into the marriage before they truly begin displaying these characteristics. You are lucky because she has shown it early.


----------



## AlphaProvider (Jul 8, 2013)

Juicer said:


> There are several red flags to begin with.
> 
> First thing that pops out, is you fell for a bait and switch. And generally, the bait they used to lure you in doesn't come back. I.E. sex.
> And you two haven't even been married 6 months! You two shouldn't be able to keep your hands off each other!
> ...


Your 100% right!

However she is very young, so she might not even understand why she feels the way she feels. It might not have been planned.

So he can still make a final 3-6 months run based on human attraction, and if that does not workout to bow out gracefully.

As a young person it just might not be as attractive to her, because now she "has him".

He needs to remove these feelings from her and show her that others also might want to have him.


----------



## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

What ever you do hold off on having any children. It is fine to get advice on a forum where others have had some experience to guide you, but more importantly, both of you need IRL counseling. Be sure to find a therapist who is not just siding with you or your wife's point of view but rather willing to look at the larger picture of your relationship. You have to consider we are only getting your point of view and perception, a therapist will get both perspectives. 

Intimacy and sex is a very important part of any healthy marriage (imo) and cannot be overlooked. This needs resolution sooner than later. I really hope for the best in your marriage.


----------



## BeenThereBefore (Nov 11, 2014)

That right, do anything you want, but DON'T have kids.

if you were 40's or 50's I would say those things happen, but when your 20.... geeesh, I really feel sorry for you, 
if you decide to stay with this relationship you will have a very long up hill road.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

RM250_Chris said:


> But, we have been having other issues. I caught her in little lies, but she will never admit to it or say sorry, Its always MY fault for accusing.


So what are the other problems in your marriage. problems with sex is often a symptom of other problems in a relationship.

What is the lie you caught her in?


----------



## FormerSelf (Apr 21, 2013)

I am going to try not to leap to into too many conclusions based on my similar experience...but I would take into consideration her past and your relationship dynamic.

Her sexual avoidance may be because she is not equipped for engaging in intimacy. Intimacy meaning the bonding that starts occurring between a married couple that requires bonds of trust, belonging, acceptance, vulnerability, and commitment. 

If someone is damaged and carrying a lot of unresolved past wounds, the idea of vulnerability is like being pushed off a cliff. Not just fear, but ABJECT TERROR!!! Sex comes easy because, for a survivor, it is a tool that can invite protection and security, achieving the next basic step of Maslow's hierarchy of needs. Once basic needs are met, engaging in healthy steps towards marital intimacy, trust, vulnerability where you have to be open to express needs, give needs, share if yourself openly and willingly just may be asking for too much.

If you find yourself in such a situation, NOW is the time to insist on her getting individual counseling and marital counseling for you both. 

This is a far as I'll take it, based on our limited info.


----------



## RM250_Chris (Nov 16, 2014)

AlphaProvider said:


> First of all I want to say. You did not get married too young. In older years people got married at 18, 16 and even younger.
> 
> So you and your wife CAN make it.
> 
> ...


Thanks. that helps a lot. I'm just not being myself lately from the rejections and that corrups my confidence but I'll work on it again
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RM250_Chris (Nov 16, 2014)

Y'all have been helpful to me. I sat down with her and talked about everything last night. Didn't get me anywhere to be honest. But I'm gonna bring on some confidence and kind of do my own thing and not really ask her about intimacy or anything. Because I'm not the only one who should be initiating. It takes 2 to tago. I'm almost positive that she thinks I can't find anyone better than her. But I absolutely can for the way I'm being treated. So once she realizes that she has someone good in her life, I won't be taken for granted hopefully. I'll man up, go out a little more, bring some swagger and hope for the best. If it doesn't work then obviously its not meant to be. I'll give you guys some feedback if I get any results
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

RM250_Chris said:


> Y'all have been helpful to me. I sat down with her and talked about everything last night. Didn't get me anywhere to be honest. But I'm gonna bring on some confidence and kind of do my own thing and not really ask her about intimacy or anything. Because I'm not the only one who should be initiating. It takes 2 to tago. I'm almost positive that she thinks I can't find anyone better than her. But I absolutely can for the way I'm being treated. So once she realizes that she has someone good in her life, I won't be taken for granted hopefully. I'll man up, go out a little more, bring some swagger and hope for the best. If it doesn't work then obviously its not meant to be. I'll give you guys some feedback if I get any results
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Listen to what everyone has been saying barely married 3 months and no sex is NOT normal at all.
This is not a marriage end this as she doesn't care.


----------



## RM250_Chris (Nov 16, 2014)

tom67 said:


> Listen to what everyone has been saying barely married 3 months and no sex is NOT normal at all.
> This is not a marriage end this as she doesn't care.


Gods honest truth I will if this doesn't work. I can't go on like this anymore if I'm not gonna feel loved. Ya know?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## MotoDude (Sep 15, 2010)

your smarter then I was, finding this out and not waste it for 19 years. I did what you did. tried and tried, tried and tried again, didnt' give up, as much as I have tried!!!! There was no understanding out of her. "If I want to F so much why don't I find a *****". as time pass, she found an excuse to sleep in a separate room and that was my last straw. I found TAM, took some time to think, make my decision and walk out. 


I AM SO FACKing HAPPY NOW!! I have always been fit, and work out more, I got more option then I did before. 

she dont change...get the fack out!

sorry for the language.


----------



## RM250_Chris (Nov 16, 2014)

MotoDude said:


> your smarter then I was, finding this out and not waste it for 19 years. I did what you did. tried and tried, tried and tried again, didnt' give up, as much as I have tried!!!! There was no understanding out of her. "If I want to F so much why don't I find a *****". as time pass, she found an excuse to sleep in a separate room and that was my last straw. I found TAM, took some time to think, make my decision and walk out.
> 
> 
> I AM SO FACKing HAPPY NOW!! I have always been fit, and work out more, I got more option then I did before.
> ...


I feel ya man. No worries. I'm a Marine. I cuss like no other lol
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## AlphaProvider (Jul 8, 2013)

RM250_Chris said:


> Y'all have been helpful to me. I sat down with her and talked about everything last night. Didn't get me anywhere to be honest. But I'm gonna bring on some confidence and kind of do my own thing and not really ask her about intimacy or anything. Because I'm not the only one who should be initiating. It takes 2 to tago. I'm almost positive that she thinks I can't find anyone better than her. But I absolutely can for the way I'm being treated. So once she realizes that she has someone good in her life, I won't be taken for granted hopefully. I'll man up, go out a little more, bring some swagger and hope for the best. If it doesn't work then obviously its not meant to be. I'll give you guys some feedback if I get any results
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Hey bro, after the intial conversation that's enough. You can't talk them into it. However some of the things you will be working proven to have high success rates.

Learn her and what she responds to. Don't "need" her.

Get your swag and power on, and attract your wife or at least half the babes around you  She will do the right thing, or you will move on, but give it some time.

Be the man and lead your family.


----------



## AlphaProvider (Jul 8, 2013)

RM250_Chris said:


> Thanks. that helps a lot. I'm just not being myself lately from the rejections and that corrups my confidence but I'll work on it again
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I got my hottest sex as a "married bachelor" where I rated well as a single even though I was married.

You can do it. Get that confidence outside of her, it will be intoxicating for her.


----------



## RM250_Chris (Nov 16, 2014)

AlphaProvider said:


> Hey bro, after the intial conversation that's enough. You can't talk them into it. However some of the things you will be working proven to have high success rates.
> 
> Learn her and what she responds to. Don't "need" her.
> 
> ...


Hell yeah, its gonna be nice being myself again. That's how I got her in the first place. Just gonna do me and hope for the best
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## AlphaProvider (Jul 8, 2013)

RM250_Chris said:


> Hell yeah, its gonna be nice being myself again. That's how I got her in the first place. Just gonna do me and hope for the best
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I'm sure you will nail it.


----------



## RM250_Chris (Nov 16, 2014)

AlphaProvider said:


> I'm sure you will nail it.


Ok, so day one was not successful. I dressed real nice went out to eat by myself. Went home early to surprise her and to come out to eat and she already had plans. I was being confident. But she doesn't laugh at my jokes like she used to. And she's still being like a snobby person. She was sitting on the chair and I bent down rubbed her thighs and put my face close to hers for a kiss, and she just gave me the nastiest look ever and says "like I said, if you're gonna kiss me, then don't be weird about it" and I didn't even kiss her after that. She didn't even attempt to move in for it. I was just trying to be sween n stuff
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Well this has disaster written all over it.


----------



## MysticTeenager (Aug 13, 2013)

Ignore her for a while. Say "im home!" but dont go in for a kiss. Dont tell her jokes or talk about your day but act happy and confident. Dress well, make plans often and see if she will react to that?


----------



## AlphaProvider (Jul 8, 2013)

RM250_Chris said:


> Ok, so day one was not successful. I dressed real nice went out to eat by myself. Went home early to surprise her and to come out to eat and she already had plans. I was being confident. But she doesn't laugh at my jokes like she used to. And she's still being like a snobby person. She was sitting on the chair and I bent down rubbed her thighs and put my face close to hers for a kiss, and she just gave me the nastiest look ever and says "like I said, if you're gonna kiss me, then don't be weird about it" and I didn't even kiss her after that. She didn't even attempt to move in for it. I was just trying to be sween n stuff
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Keep doing your thing. You have to build up strength and momentum within your self.

Your sex will be kinda like you initiated this one, but she will either obligue or not. If she does not obligue you gotta back off. Raise your level and I feel she will obligue more often, perhaps to most of the time.

Her comment sucks. Brush it off. I guess next time kiss her when you feel like it. I'd wait a few days or so. Keep doing your thing.


----------



## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening mysticteenager
with typical LD partners, this doesn't work. They simply don't care. Eventually they may claim that they won't have sex because you aren't affectionate. (but if you ARE affectionate they won't have sex anyway).




MysticTeenager said:


> Ignore her for a while. Say "im home!" but dont go in for a kiss. Dont tell her jokes or talk about your day but act happy and confident. Dress well, make plans often and see if she will react to that?


----------



## AlphaProvider (Jul 8, 2013)

richardsharpe said:


> Good evening mysticteenager
> with typical LD partners, this doesn't work. They simply don't care. Eventually they may claim that they won't have sex because you aren't affectionate. (but if you ARE affectionate they won't have sex anyway).


He doesn't know truly that it's a hardened true LD.

I feel he is going to improve himself and it's a good thing to do whether he stays or goes. Many women respond to knowing other women want their man. He needs to play into this.

I think he's doing great, just needs more time in doing himself just like I do 

Be a stud my man. Married bachelor style here I come!


----------



## AlphaProvider (Jul 8, 2013)

RM250_Chris said:


> Ok, so day one was not successful. I dressed real nice went out to eat by myself. Went home early to surprise her and to come out to eat and she already had plans. I was being confident. But she doesn't laugh at my jokes like she used to. And she's still being like a snobby person. She was sitting on the chair and I bent down rubbed her thighs and put my face close to hers for a kiss, and she just gave me the nastiest look ever and says "like I said, if you're gonna kiss me, then don't be weird about it" and I didn't even kiss her after that. She didn't even attempt to move in for it. I was just trying to be sween n stuff
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Day 1 was considered a strong success other than you trying to gain her validation.

Put some time in to it, and like I said after some time kiss her when you feel like it and attempt to take her. She said if you kiss her just up and do it, so do that next time, but I'd give it some more sessions of you doing your thing and being busy before I try again.


----------



## AlphaProvider (Jul 8, 2013)

Lila said:


> :iagree:
> 
> I don't know RM250_Chris...based on your last post sounds like your wife has some serious resentment built up towards you. It's great that you're trying to get back your swagger on but I think you should reread AnonPink's post #8 and apply some of her advice too.
> 
> ...



Yes but they have devolved into the position where he gives her a lot of attention and she is starving him for sex.

We are attempting to restructure their balance. Being more attractive cannot hurt him at all.

Also she's getting free attention but not feeding him good attention, so he needs to get out of there to see what she actually responds to.

Everyone responds differently and some people cannot stand to be around the other at all times, others like you, say want focused undivided attention.

Some of the things that work do not make sense in logic, but attraction itself is a completely different science.

We are attempting to let him see what works with her so he can be more effective, and all the self-improvement techniques will be great because even if it doesn't work with her and she wants to be LD, he will have many options after they are done.

I know she like most people of her age group will be heavily influenced by what her peers think, it's why I asked him to elevate his game so he's closer to the top attractive alpha's in his age group. He's going to need a swagger of a successful single male and the babes around him are going to have to want to bang his wifes husband.


----------



## AlphaProvider (Jul 8, 2013)

Lila said:


> I reread every one of OP's post and he never once stated that he's meeting her needs. I don't think these two know what their needs are, to be honest.
> 
> Based on the only post where I could gauge your bolded statement, it appears that the only time he does pay 'attention' is when he's looking for sex.
> 
> ...


He's gotta learn her "buttons" and her knobs. Sometimes it's like slow cooking where he has to simmer her first and then raise the heat.

I was lucky that my babes that I was good with here always good to go like the marines!

New babe isn't the same, so currently we devolved to more of a quota system.

I'm going to learn how to "cook" with her over time, I really want to be great at it.

Oh, my current babe also relies heavily on social pressures. So raising my game similar to what I asked of him will raise my success.


----------



## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Mach...is that you? Why didn't you ask his shoulder, waist and hip measurements?


----------



## AlphaProvider (Jul 8, 2013)

Anon Pink said:


> Mach...is that you? Why didn't you ask his shoulder, waist and hip measurements?


LOL. I'm sure he knows what we are talking about.


----------



## RM250_Chris (Nov 16, 2014)

Lila said:


> :iagree:
> 
> I don't know RM250_Chris...based on your last post sounds like your wife has some serious resentment built up towards you. It's great that you're trying to get back your swagger on but I think you should reread AnonPink's post #8 and apply some of her advice too.
> 
> ...


The problem with that is, she doesn't want to be bothered. She wants to sit in her chair, smoke, and watch her TV. And if I say anything to her for an example I get this in return "do you really have to yalk. I'm watching my show" or she doesn't even care what I have to say. She doesn't have needs. I feel like she doesn't even care about me at all
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## AlphaProvider (Jul 8, 2013)

RM250_Chris said:


> The problem with that is, she doesn't want to be bothered. She wants to sit in her chair, smoke, and watch her TV. And if I say anything to her for an example I get this in return "do you really have to yalk. I'm watching my show" or she doesn't even care what I have to say. She doesn't have needs. I feel like she doesn't even care about me at all
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


She might be "fighting" you. Perhaps you were a male that moved in a dominant fashion, you know your stuff. And in "fighting" you she is using techniques that will take you down a few pegs or wear you down.

Sometimes they do that. They can decide to be like this and do it for the entirety of the relationship.

However if you want a shot at turning it around, I gave you strong clues which should work if anything can work at all.

The win/win of my approach is you will be improved, rank higher in "the game", so even if the relationship with the wife does not work out, you will have a lot more options out there in the world.


----------



## RM250_Chris (Nov 16, 2014)

Lila said:


> I reread every one of OP's post and he never once stated that he's meeting her needs. I don't think these two know what their needs are, to be honest.
> 
> Based on the only post where I could gauge your bolded statement, it appears that the only time he does pay 'attention' is when he's looking for sex.
> 
> ...


No no. I try to get her to go out with me all the time. And she never will. Im not always looking for sex. I'm just a sweet person in general. I love making others feel good and secure. I barley ask for sex. I can't even go in for a random kiss without getting her annoyed. That's the problem. She's taking me for granted
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RM250_Chris (Nov 16, 2014)

AlphaProvider said:


> She might be "fighting" you. Perhaps you were a male that moved in a dominant fashion, you know your stuff. And in "fighting" you she is using techniques that will take you down a few pegs or wear you down.
> 
> Sometimes they do that. They can decide to be like this and do it for the entirety of the relationship.
> 
> ...


Yes I agree and I know my rankings won't be a problem. I'm not conceded by any means, but I did date the hottest girl in high school. (Like somewhere in the top 5). I know I'm not a bad looking dude. And I know how to make a girl happy. And I'm one of the most selfless people I know. Its almost like now that she knows she has me, she doesn't feel the need to try anymore
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## AlphaProvider (Jul 8, 2013)

RM250_Chris said:


> No no. I try to get her to go out with me all the time. And she never will. Im not always looking for sex. I'm just a sweet person in general. I love making others feel good and secure. I barley ask for sex. I can't even go in for a random kiss without getting her annoyed. That's the problem. She's taking me for granted
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


She's bullying you.


----------



## AlphaProvider (Jul 8, 2013)

RM250_Chris said:


> Yes I agree and I know my rankings won't be a problem. I'm not conceded by any means, but I did date the hottest girl in high school. (Like somewhere in the top 5). I know I'm not a bad looking dude. And I know how to make a girl happy. And I'm one of the most selfless people I know. Its almost like now that she knows she has me, she doesn't feel the need to try anymore
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You might be "good" but I'd still up it a notch or two. But I feel you, you can pull the honeys if that's the situation your in.

See how wifey responds with you being very social again, dressed to kill, body and swagger on point and with some of the females fawning for your attention or basking in your essense, or hugging up on you and stuff in a friendly way.


----------



## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Dude, you need to man up. Read "No More Mr. Nice Guy" and "Married Man's Sex Life Primer" to start. 

How long did you date before you got married? What kind of things did you do when you were dating? 

C


----------



## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Oh, and does she work? 

C


----------



## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

RM250_Chris said:


> The problem with that is, she doesn't want to be bothered. She wants to sit in her chair, smoke, and watch her TV. And if I say anything to her for an example I get this in return "do you really have to yalk. I'm watching my show" or she doesn't even care what I have to say. She doesn't have needs. I feel like she doesn't even care about me at all
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Remember now she is not here with her side of the story, but if this is truly the way she is, it sounds as if she has emotionally left your marriage. I'm not a huge proponent of throwing in the towel so easily, but sometimes you have to cut your losses. I think you need to find an opportunity where she cannot use distractions and both of you need to talk seriously about your marriage as grownups. It may get uncomfortable for you, but at least you will find out where she stands and you can make a decision based on that information.


----------



## RM250_Chris (Nov 16, 2014)

Ikaika said:


> Remember now she is not here with her side of the story, but if this is truly the way she is, it sounds as if she has emotionally left your marriage. I'm not a huge proponent of throwing in the towel so easily, but sometimes you have to cut your losses. I think you need to find an opportunity where she cannot use distractions and both of you need to talk seriously about your marriage as grownups. It may get uncomfortable for you, but at least you will find out where she stands and you can make a decision based on that information.


I did that and not gonna lie for a little I was moping around depressed from the way she's been acting but that's over now. She said if I act like me then it'll be fine but so far, no change in her. I think shes bull****ting me and blaming everything on me. Its all my fault...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

AlphaProvider said:


> Your 100% right!
> 
> However she is very young, so she might not even understand why she feels the way she feels. It might not have been planned.
> 
> ...


He is 21. They are newlyweds. Chances are he may never be more attractive to her than he should be right now. If he has to work at 'attracting' her and making her work for the relationship this early, then I don't see a long term relationship working out.

I agree with most everyone else. Divorce/Annulment is the answer. You can't just threaten with it either. Threatening may work for a bit, but it won't be long before she realizes she can work you by having sex a couple of times. Won't be long before threatening doesn't work at all, or you will get into a cycle of sex once or twice a month, but only after fighting and threatening. 

If you want anything other than sympathy sex in the future, you are best to end this now before kids/spousal support.


----------



## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

What is she blaming on you?


----------



## RM250_Chris (Nov 16, 2014)

PBear said:


> What is she blaming on you?


She's saying the way she's acting is because of me. All I do is try to talk to her. But she can't ever be civil or understanding so I always snap and tell her exactly how I feel. All I said a couple times is "I feel like you don't even love me, you don't act like you do" "I never feel wanted, all I feel like I do is annoy you and it kills me" and the other day I snapped and said "you don't make me happy, cause you don't even try". I never yell or anything about stuff. I'm usually calm until she says something smart back to me. She says I'm an ******* for saying all of those things. But its my true honest opinion.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

So what about the other questions I asked, and the books I mentioned? 

C


----------



## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

And what about "you" is making her act this way? According to her. 

C


----------



## RM250_Chris (Nov 16, 2014)

PBear said:


> So what about the other questions I asked, and the books I mentioned?
> 
> C


I can look into those books for sure. And we were together for a year, but I was away, but I came home as much as possible. She was absolutely amazing until we moved in. The light switch flipped over night. And yes. She works at twin peaks. Its like a hooters but girls dress better or worse in my case. Doesn't help that she's the one of the prettiest ones there either.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RM250_Chris (Nov 16, 2014)

PBear said:


> And what about "you" is making her act this way? According to her.
> 
> C


I'm mean to her aparently because I tell her what's on my mind and what she needs to fix. But she says I'm the one that needs to be fixed. Makes me feel like I'm crazy. But I don't even know. I'm not crazy! Lol
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

No offence, dude... But how well did you really know her? Like, in a year, how many times did you come home, and for how many days? 

And does she work? 

My thoughts, pending your responses... You're not getting a "bait and switch". You just never really knew the real her. Now you're seeing the real her, and she's not the one you should be married to. Get out now. 

C


----------



## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Sorry, saw that she works... Could she support herself without you? 

C


----------



## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

RM250_Chris said:


> I can look into those books for sure. And we were together for a year, but I was away, but I came home as much as possible. She was absolutely amazing until we moved in. The light switch flipped over night. And yes. She works at twin peaks. Its like a hooters but girls dress better or worse in my case. Doesn't help that she's the one of the prettiest ones there either.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I have been to Twin Peaks in Scottsdale, AZ. There is no way that I would want my wife working in that place.

Guys go there for the sole purpose of checking out the waitresses. I'm sure the waitresses get hit on all the time.


----------



## RM250_Chris (Nov 16, 2014)

PBear said:


> No offence, dude... But how well did you really know her? Like, in a year, how many times did you come home, and for how many days?
> 
> And does she work?
> 
> ...


I've known her since middle school. I'd say pretty well. But I do agree it was kind of quick to go into a marriage. And it would be for a couple weeks at a time and roughly every few months. And yes. She works at twin peaks
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RM250_Chris (Nov 16, 2014)

PBear said:


> Sorry, saw that she works... Could she support herself without you?
> 
> C


No. I pay most of the bills. All she pays for is her personal stuff like tanning bill and I pay her car payment and she gives me money back but its not even enough to cover it ever. She makes decent money. And yes. From her getting hit on a lot I'm sure her ego is through the roof. I doubt she flirts back cause she's not really like that, but she probably feels that I can't do any better.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

RM250_Chris said:


> I can look into those books for sure. And we were together for a year, but I was away, but I came home as much as possible. She was absolutely amazing until we moved in. The light switch flipped over night. And yes. She works at twin peaks. Its like a hooters but girls dress better or worse in my case. Doesn't help that she's the one of the prettiest ones there either.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You seriously need to make her realize that you are not putting up with this. She doesn't respect you. Download papers and file for divorce!

Then see how she reacts. Maybe she met someone else and won't care. Maybe she opens her eyes. 

Go through with the divorce. Tell her that you guys jumped into marriage too fast. Maybe you can go back to dating and see how it goes.


----------



## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

How did she make ends meet before you moved in together? 

Why did you get married so quickly? 

C


----------



## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

RM250_Chris said:


> She's saying the way she's acting is because of me. All I do is try to talk to her. But she can't ever be civil or understanding so I always snap and tell her exactly how I feel. All I said a couple times is "I feel like you don't even love me, you don't act like you do" "I never feel wanted, all I feel like I do is annoy you and it kills me" and the other day I snapped and said "you don't make me happy, cause you don't even try". I never yell or anything about stuff. I'm usually calm until she says something smart back to me. She says I'm an ******* for saying all of those things. But its my true honest opinion.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Don't take this the wrong way, but this is an argument between two teenagers, not adults. Without some level of mediation in helping you two work through your marriage, your communication, in my opinion I don't see things going well now and worsening into the future. Tackle the issue now, don't wait and don't let her put off the issue with peripheral distractions.

Again, I do wish you both the best

Malama pono


----------



## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

RM250_Chris said:


> No. I pay most of the bills. All she pays for is her personal stuff like tanning bill and I pay her car payment and she gives me money back but its not even enough to cover it ever. She makes decent money. And yes. From her getting hit on a lot I'm sure her ego is through the roof. I doubt she flirts back cause she's not really like that, but she probably feels that I can't do any better.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


They are paid to flirt back. That is how they make their money.

Have a buddy she doesn't know go to the bar and watch how she acts. I bet she is as wonderful to all the patrons as she was to you (before marriage). 

For the first couple of years of marriage, this stuff should all be natural. Marriage isn't about having one person treat you like you don't matter because they think you can't do any better. If you have to prove to your wife that you can do better, then she shouldn't be your wife.

That advice (dressing better, working out, going out and being unavailable, etc.) should only apply to longer term marriages. Where people get too comfortable. They get out of shape and stop looking after themselves. This isn't your case. You have only been married a couple of months. 

If she needs to feel like she has to put out or you will go somewhere else, then she isn't the right one for you. You want her to put out because wants you, because she loves and cares about you. Not because she has to.


----------



## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

He is 21. He is at peak physical form but more importantly, he is at lowest emotional IQ ever...and so is his wife. 

Have none of you men ever heard women talk? Hotness in a man only takes you to the gate, it won't get you inside.

OP, I'll translate for your wife. You've done something or neglected to so something that pissed her off. You are either continuing to do it, or you refuse to own it. She is keeping you at arms length because of it. Some men like to call this manipulation tactics and I guess they're not fully wrong. But women don't usually want to bang someone who pisses them off. So, yeah manipulation but honest response as well.

The trouble is, communicating. Neither of you can do it. She wants you to read her mind and that is one of the biggest mistakes women make consistently. 

Women relate to women so well because we can read each other. Men are hopelessly lost reading women, as a rule. However, the point is it take YEARS for a young women to fully grasp that her man is not a woman and never has been and therefore does not speak the same language.

Dude, print out those questionnaires and get her to complete her end. It's the easiest way to find out what's bothering her.


----------



## RM250_Chris (Nov 16, 2014)

Anon Pink said:


> He is 21. He is at peak physical form but more importantly, he is at lowest emotional IQ ever...and so is his wife.
> 
> Have none of you men ever heard women talk? Hotness in a man only takes you to the gate, it won't get you inside.
> 
> ...


Anything I've ever done wrong I've always apologized and admitted to it. I told her our communication sucks and I consistently try to fix that. This is her personality...one time she accidentally kicked me in my man parts and it hurt bad and I was mad. I told her to apologize and I get this..."it was an accident, so why should I apologize" she just doesnt know how to swallow her own pride and be considerate
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RM250_Chris (Nov 16, 2014)

RM250_Chris said:


> Anything I've ever done wrong I've always apologized and admitted to it. I told her our communication sucks and I consistently try to fix that. This is her personality...one time she accidentally kicked me in my man parts and it hurt bad and I was mad. I told her to apologize and I get this..."it was an accident, so why should I apologize" she just doesnt know how to swallow her own pride and be considerate
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


When she tells me its my fault, I ask what can I do to fix this. Even though I KNOW its not all my fault And she tells me all of the things. And I ask "so, if I change those things, I'll have a happy wife?" And she says yes, but I never get any positive results.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

We can't help you when you don't give information. What kind of things do you have to apologize for? 

Have you ordered those books yet? I'm guessing that besides not knowing her before you got married, she has no respect for you. And your current actions aren't helping. 

C


----------



## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

RM250_Chris said:


> Anything I've ever done wrong I've always apologized and admitted to it. I told her our communication sucks and I consistently try to fix that. This is her personality...one time she accidentally kicked me in my man parts and it hurt bad and I was mad. I told her to apologize and I get this..."it was an accident, so why should I apologize" she just doesnt know how to swallow her own pride and be considerate
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You told her to apologize? You told her? Ouch, Ummm not a good idea son.

She is young and young people generally hate being spoken to like they are stupid children. Scratch that, every adult hates it. Scratch that, every person hates it.

She accidentally kicked you in the balls, yes she should have apologized. But instead it became a power struggle. You told her to apologize means she had two choices *in her immature mind.* Accept being treated like a child or rebel. She rebelled. Power struggle.

Instead, it would have been better to not say anything at all and allow her to see your pain and respond appropriately. I bet my house in her mind she was thinking, "oh no I hurt him, but I didn't mean to, now he's going to mad at me, maybe he'll just brush it off and we can go back to..." But the. You treated her like a child which made her go from feeling guilty, which is a very uncomfortable thing to feel, to feeling blamed for an accident, to being invalidated as an adult. See how complicated emotional responses are?

Tell me some more interactions like that?


----------



## RM250_Chris (Nov 16, 2014)

PBear said:


> We can't help you when you don't give information. What kind of things do you have to apologize for?
> 
> Have you ordered those books yet? I'm guessing that besides not knowing her before you got married, she has no respect for you. And your current actions aren't helping.
> 
> C


All of the things I quoted earlier that I told her about when I was telling her how I feel...I apologize for that because I'm an a$$ for saying that stuff
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RM250_Chris (Nov 16, 2014)

Anon Pink said:


> You told her to apologize? You told her? Ouch, Ummm not a good idea son.
> 
> She is young and young people generally hate being spoken to like they are stupid children. Scratch that, every adult hates it. Scratch that, every person hates it.
> 
> ...


The funny thing is, I told her to apologize 3 days after the incident cause she was asking me to do favors for her. Another thing is that one time I spent my Friday night cleaning the whole house. Bedroom and all. Next day her stuff is everywhere and soda cans and glasses are all in the bedroom again and when I tell her to stop doing that because it attracts bugs, she gets mad at me. Another time I did both of our laundry, even went as far as putting all of her clothes away. And she gripes at me because I placed a couple things in the wrong spot. When I was just trying yo help. Because she NEVER puts her clothes away. She is so messy
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

RM250_Chris said:


> The *funny thing is, I told her to apologize 3 days after the incident* cause she was asking me to do favors for her. Another thing is that one time I spent my Friday night cleaning the whole house. Bedroom and all. Next day her stuff is everywhere and soda cans and glasses are all in the bedroom again and when I tell her to stop doing that because it attracts bugs, she gets mad at me. Another time I did both of our laundry, even went as far as putting all of her clothes away. And she gripes at me because I placed a couple things in the wrong spot. When I was just trying yo help. Because she NEVER puts her clothes away. She is so messy
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Hmmm, oh really? Seems like that would have been mentioned in your post the first time. Back tracking and trickle truth leads me to a place of extreme doubt in the veracity of your claims.


----------



## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

RM250_Chris said:


> When she tells me its my fault, I ask what can I do to fix this. Even though I KNOW its not all my fault And she tells me all of the things. And I ask "so, if I change those things, I'll have a happy wife?" And she says yes, but I never get any positive results.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


well that's defintely no good. So when you're living up to your end and she still isn't and you point that out to her what does she say? Does she then take any blame or does she do more blame shifting?


For the love of all that's holy don't get this woman pregnant. This might not be a fixable marriage


----------



## AlphaProvider (Jul 8, 2013)

RM250_Chris said:


> She's saying the way she's acting is because of me. All I do is try to talk to her. But she can't ever be civil or understanding so I always snap and tell her exactly how I feel. All I said a couple times is "I feel like you don't even love me, you don't act like you do" "I never feel wanted, all I feel like I do is annoy you and it kills me" and the other day I snapped and said "you don't make me happy, cause you don't even try". I never yell or anything about stuff. I'm usually calm until she says something smart back to me. She says I'm an ******* for saying all of those things. But its my true honest opinion.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Don't say these things to her. It makes you look weak. I wouldn't ever say it again. Work the plan, that's all you can really do. You won't convince her to see otherwise. 

You may find other couples serious gf/bf and husband wife combo's for you two to be around. It helps if they related to others in happy relationships where sex is happening.


----------



## RM250_Chris (Nov 16, 2014)

Anon Pink said:


> Hmmm, oh really? Seems like that would have been mentioned in your post the first time. Back tracking and trickle truth leads me to a place of extreme doubt in the veracity of your claims.


Only because I didn't feel like that was too relevant. Trying to figure out the big picture
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RM250_Chris (Nov 16, 2014)

AlphaProvider said:


> Don't say these things to her. It makes you look weak. I wouldn't ever say it again. Work the plan, that's all you can really do. You won't convince her to see otherwise.
> 
> You may find other couples serious gf/bf and husband wife combo's for you two to be around. It helps if they related to others in happy relationships where sex is happening.


We had a couple that we hung out with all the time and they were happy, but they stopped being friends once they realized that she's being this way
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RM250_Chris (Nov 16, 2014)

RM250_Chris said:


> We had a couple that we hung out with all the time and they were happy, but they stopped being friends once they realized that she's being this way
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


They even thought that she was cheating on me with another friend but I don't know if that's true. Never got any details about that.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RM250_Chris (Nov 16, 2014)

RM250_Chris said:


> They even thought that she was cheating on me with another friend but I don't know if that's true. Never got any details about that.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


All in all everyone, I'm basically on the last straw. I can't go on being degraded and feeling like I'm nothing to her. If it doesn't change within a couple weeks, I'm gonna have to end this. We all know this marriage is not gonna last. Cause I'm sure this stuff will all come back again. You guys have been a tremendous help and its good to have strangers to tall to about my dilemma. You guys are awesome!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## AlphaProvider (Jul 8, 2013)

RM250_Chris said:


> No. I pay most of the bills. All she pays for is her personal stuff like tanning bill and I pay her car payment and she gives me money back but its not even enough to cover it ever. She makes decent money. And yes. From her getting hit on a lot I'm sure her ego is through the roof. I doubt she flirts back cause she's not really like that, but she probably feels that I can't do any better.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Hey bro. Ego is a problem. I didn't see this piece of information earlier and it's likely your problem. The girls in twin peaks might have already convinced her to cheat on you. That's what they do, they are extremely single and most multi-date in that clique. They like to feel free and unattached.

Why don't you use the VAR advice ontop of it all to see if there are any confirmed affairs or innapropriate conversations. This might have been your problem.

When they cheat on you they no longer see you sexual. 

Anyhow, stick with the plan. Also she's going to have to have you be in environments with a bunch of hot babes and having them fawn over you. That will take the ego from working in twin peaks. Also if her co-workers think you are hot and would bed you, that would help to.


----------



## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

How did she support herself before you got married? 

Consider "withdrawing " from the relationship. Stop trying to meet her needs the goal posts will just continue moving. Focus on yourself. Atop paying for her stuff... If she wants to be a roommate, split everything evenly. Stop doing her laundry or cleaning up her stuff. 

C


----------



## RM250_Chris (Nov 16, 2014)

AlphaProvider said:


> Hey bro. Ego is a problem. I didn't see this piece of information earlier and it's likely your problem. The girls in twin peaks might have already convinced her to cheat on you. That's what they do, they are extremely single and most multi-date in that clique. They like to feel free and unattached.
> 
> Why don't you use the VAR advice ontop of it all to see if there are any confirmed affairs or innapropriate conversations. This might have been your problem.
> 
> ...


Yeah when she didnt wanna go out to lunch yesterday I went to twin peaks by myself and sat at the bar. And I made sure I wore my best clothes. The thing with this town is a lot are married to marines already but they could still be sleezy. Wouldn't surprise me. She always has her phone on her and even sleeps with it under the pillow. I've tried to snoop around and try to catch her in something but it wasn't successful, so I eventually confronted her about it and she got pretty mad at me
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

I've seen so many times lonely service members marrying strippers or hooters girls they don't really know. Can't say I've ever seen it work out though. Look, marriages that work don't have these kinds of issues this early. Really what are you trying to save? Dump her now. The consequences are low right now and you have your whole life ahead of you. Chalk it up to a mistake and move on with your life.


----------



## RM250_Chris (Nov 16, 2014)

WorkingOnMe said:


> I've seen so many times lonely service members marrying strippers or hooters girls they don't really know. Can't say I've ever seen it work out though. Look, marriages that work don't have these kinds of issues this early. Really what are you trying to save? Dump her now. The consequences are low right now and you have your whole life ahead of you. Chalk it up to a mistake and move on with your life.


She got the job after the move. We are both from Florida. She used to just work at a salon
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

RM250_Chris said:


> She got the job after the move. We are both from Florida. She used to just work at a salon
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Whatever. You should think about your credibility before continually changing your story. I'm sure you can see a bunch of people are already doubting you. You're your own worst enemy. 

By the way, you missed the important part of my post because you focused on not looking like the typical marine marrying a hooters girl.


----------



## AlphaProvider (Jul 8, 2013)

RM250_Chris said:


> Yeah when she didnt wanna go out to lunch yesterday I went to twin peaks by myself and sat at the bar. And I made sure I wore my best clothes. The thing with this town is a lot are married to marines already but they could still be sleezy. Wouldn't surprise me. She always has her phone on her and even sleeps with it under the pillow. I've tried to snoop around and try to catch her in something but it wasn't successful, so I eventually confronted her about it and she got pretty mad at me
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It's amazing they will cheat on even a dangerous Alpha. A real slvt really doesn't care. They do what they feel like doing at the moment and don't care about the potential damages.

While she is sleep you need to slip the phone out, get into a bathroom in a sufficient distance and either download the phone sms and contents to a computer, or load a spyware on it.

This needs to be one of your missions. I'd start reading up on the phone model to learn my options for acquiring the information.

Don't worry about trying to catch her, the VAR works QUICKLY. Also get the phone info.

Your answers will be in there.


----------



## AlphaProvider (Jul 8, 2013)

RM250_Chris said:


> They even thought that she was cheating on me with another friend but I don't know if that's true. Never got any details about that.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Get that info.

Due to her wall that she has up and the lack of need to be intimate, she likely is comparing you with the one(s) she's cheating with.

Maybe she isn't but those signs are very similar to what many of us observed. I've always said that 1/2 of the LD's are truly LD's and the other 1/2 are LD because their need is met elsewhere.

Keep upping your game and being in the environment.

I'm glad your confidence isn't getting rocked. You still have it. I'd be 180ing and stop using her for any sort of validation or mirroring, cause she's pissing in your corn flakes bro.


----------



## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

To be honest, I figured she could be cheating on you from the first post when you said you caught her in 'little lies'. 

Then when you mentioned Twin Peaks, it made it more obvious.

I don't know how much spying you need to do. Just talk to the couple that figured she was cheating on you. I am guessing they know, but didn't want to get involved. Ask them what they know!


----------



## AlphaProvider (Jul 8, 2013)

RM250_Chris said:


> All in all everyone, I'm basically on the last straw. I can't go on being degraded and feeling like I'm nothing to her. If it doesn't change within a couple weeks, I'm gonna have to end this. We all know this marriage is not gonna last. Cause I'm sure this stuff will all come back again. You guys have been a tremendous help and its good to have strangers to tall to about my dilemma. You guys are awesome!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Hows your confidence?


----------



## tulsy (Nov 30, 2012)

AlphaProvider said:


> Get that info.
> 
> Due to her wall that she has up and the lack of need to be intimate, she likely is comparing you with the one(s) she's cheating with.
> ....


Honestly, I wouldn't waste your time trying to gather intel...just end it.

A) You got married too young.

B) You got married to someone you don't really know.

IMO, this one is totally not worth it. File and move on with your life. Nothing to save here.


----------



## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

She smokes. Do you?

If you do, quit cold turkey. Don't mention it to her. See what sort of impression it makes on her.

She resents you big time. Not telling you why is dishonest if her. If she doesn't know why, then she may have some personality disorder.

How many persons in her family are divorced?


----------



## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

LongWalk said:


> How many persons in her family are divorced?


I was wondering the same thing!

Seems like to some people, getting married is not much different than 'going steady'.


----------



## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

If her parents have gone through divorces and siblings, then indeed it many be not big deal.

It's not normal for newly weds to have a rotten sex life.

Annulling the marriage asap is probably the best bet.


----------



## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Annulling a marriage isn't as easy as some people think, unless there's some form of fraud or outside influence. Being incompatible isn't a reason, from what I've read. It's not a magic bullet. 

If you're thinking of ending things, go talk to a lawyer first. You haven't been married long, so it shouldn't be difficult to untangle. Just don't get her pregnant in the meantime. DO NOT DEPEND ON HER FOR BIRTH CONTROL!!!

And do try to figure out your part in this fiasco. Otherwise, you're likely to repeat your history.

C


----------



## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

My thought is the OPs wife might be narcissistic or just plain ol' conceited, as well as immature. I have a relative the same age - very attractive, likes to show off (and considered working at a similar place). If you listen, she has an attitude of guys are this or that, my ex was this or that. It's like she thinks of guys as inferior or adversaries but wants the attention.

The difference here (vs. earlier recommendations) would be that this is a general attitude about men (or men relative to women). Thus, upping his game is not going to help the relationship. That would do nothing to dispel her personal attitudes.

I agree that the OP needs to get out. It is far too early in the relationship for him to have to jockey for her attention. At best, he would have to swim upstream and keep up this dynamic for the next 50 years or so. At worse, she just doesn't like it and things get worse as time goes on.

P.S.: I heard somewhere that sex workers have issues with romantic relationships. They get used to benefitting financially from their sexuality and cannot adapt to the give and take that a relationship requires. Some of what I read about her behavior seems to fit in with that paradigm.

Maybe she is used up from being out there for work. I checked out the website. The waitresses are dressed little more than swimsuits (tiny shorts and a top that ends right under the boobs). And interaction with them is part of the experience.


----------



## RM250_Chris (Nov 16, 2014)

DTO said:


> My thought is the OPs wife might be narcissistic or just plain ol' conceited, as well as immature. I have a relative the same age - very attractive, likes to show off (and considered working at a similar place). If you listen, she has an attitude of guys are this or that, my ex was this or that. It's like she thinks of guys as inferior or adversaries but wants the attention.
> 
> The difference here (vs. earlier recommendations) would be that this is a general attitude about men (or men relative to women). Thus, upping his game is not going to help the relationship. That would do nothing to dispel her personal attitudes.
> 
> ...


Well, last night wasnt too bad. It was me, her, my friend and his girlfriend. And we all get along and have a good time. I made her laugh a lot. I thought it was good, besides some little details that secretly destroyed me. I was driving everyone around town, several times I went to hold her hand and she would either pull her hand away or push mine away. She was in a good mood. I don't get it? I didn't do a dammnn thing to her for her to be like that. But I will confront her next time. Probably tonight. If she rejects for me to at least hold her hand. I'm gonna tell her straight up. This is the plan "you're obviously not interested in me. I'm tired of being rejected with every little thing I do, you need to A: need to fix it, or B: this isn't gonna work out. Cause I can't go on like this.". What do you guys think?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

I don't think talking, especially pleading and demanding is going excite her desire for you.

Stop chasing her, man.

Read neuklas's thread.

Do you smoke?

Are you on active duty?


----------



## RM250_Chris (Nov 16, 2014)

LongWalk said:


> I don't think talking, especially pleading and demanding is going excite her desire for you.
> 
> Stop chasing her, man.
> 
> ...


You're right, but I'd only say that because she's gonna have to know that if she doesnt fix her act real soon, she's out of here. But yes I smoke. But when I was talking about her "sitting in the chair, watch TV, smoke, and stay on her phone" I meant she smokes weed like every day. And yes I am. And she asked me to buy a carton of cigs twice and I just keep buying some for myself
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## thenub (Oct 3, 2014)

I would suggest file for divorce, start the 180 and just ignore her like a roommate you don't want to be around. 
Open another bank account and only leave enough money in any joint account to cover the household costs. Don't buy things for her don't ask her for anything. Call up some friends and go out, maybe a weekend in Vegas with your friends. When you do go out. Put her on your block list so she can't contact you.
Seeing as she doesn't seem to give a **** about you or your marriage, go have fun. Just don't get involved with another woman until you are either separated or divorced. Nothing worse than a cheater.

Just my 2¢


----------



## RM250_Chris (Nov 16, 2014)

thenub said:


> I would suggest file for divorce, start the 180 and just ignore her like a roommate you don't want to be around.
> Open another bank account and only leave enough money in any joint account to cover the household costs. Don't buy things for her don't ask her for anything. Call up some friends and go out, maybe a weekend in Vegas with your friends. When you do go out. Put her on your block list so she can't contact you.
> Seeing as she doesn't seem to give a **** about you or your marriage, go have fun. Just don't get involved with another woman until you are either separated or divorced. Nothing worse than a cheater.
> 
> Just my 2¢


Ay good input, I'm on the same boat as you, I'm pretty much just waiting for a closing ya know? And its not easy cause the old her I knew was the most perfect girl in the entire universe to me. It just went to **** overnight. I'll give it a day or so and see what happens. But by all means, I'm gonna do me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## AlphaProvider (Jul 8, 2013)

RM250_Chris said:


> You're right, but I'd only say that because she's gonna have to know that if she doesnt fix her act real soon, she's out of here. But yes I smoke. But when I was talking about her "sitting in the chair, watch TV, smoke, and stay on her phone" I meant she smokes weed like every day. And yes I am. And she asked me to buy a carton of cigs twice and I just keep buying some for myself
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


She bullying you. It's good you didn't buy her no cigs. You know each time you help her when she's being an a-hole your hurting yourself. Don't hurt yourself.

Maybe have some minimum things you do around there, but also insist that she have a minimum of things she must do for you to do your part.

Don't do all the work, it doesn't pay off.


----------



## RM250_Chris (Nov 16, 2014)

AlphaProvider said:


> She bullying you. It's good you didn't buy her no cigs. You know each time you help her when she's being an a-hole your hurting yourself. Don't hurt yourself.
> 
> Maybe have some minimum things you do around there, but also insist that she have a minimum of things she must do for you to do your part.
> 
> Don't do all the work, it doesn't pay off.


Yeah I've been doing less and less lately
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

If you're not going to dump her at least quit reaching for her hand like a puppy dog.


----------



## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

WorkingOnMe said:


> If you're not going to dump her at least quit reaching for her hand like a puppy dog.


Barely 3 months married you should be in the honeymoon phase just end this sham of a marriage.
Sorry but I don't see another option.


----------



## RM250_Chris (Nov 16, 2014)

tom67 said:


> Barely 3 months married you should be in the honeymoon phase just end this sham of a marriage.
> Sorry but I don't see another option.


Its kind of tough because I want a closing. She moved 800 miles to live with me
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

after reading through this whole thing, i find myself agreeing with alpha. smells strongly like she's cheatin.

you've got to rule this out. because is she is, then your answer is plainer than day. everything else is secondary right now. 

stop what you're doing. put a stop on everything. act normal. go into stealth mode (pm weightlifter) and find out. 

if she is cheatin then you leave. tomorrow. if she isn't then you can decide based on everything else.


----------



## AlphaProvider (Jul 8, 2013)

RM250_Chris said:


> Yeah I've been doing less and less lately
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Well you could work as a male stripper...

Or as a bouncer in the strip club. Doesn't have to be a full time thing, but that would definately balance things power wise.

If you are a bouncer in the strip club, she will think your banging half the stripps.

And if you are male stripper, she might think your getting sucked off by half a dozen babes a night.

Not moral advice, but it "war worthy" advice. You guys are young, consider yourself going through hell right now. Kinda like the Marines being dropped in a heavily fortified area and being expected.


----------



## AlphaProvider (Jul 8, 2013)

DTO said:


> My thought is the OPs wife might be narcissistic or just plain ol' conceited, as well as immature. I have a relative the same age - very attractive, likes to show off (and considered working at a similar place). If you listen, she has an attitude of guys are this or that, my ex was this or that. It's like she thinks of guys as inferior or adversaries but wants the attention.
> 
> The difference here (vs. earlier recommendations) would be that this is a general attitude about men (or men relative to women). Thus, upping his game is not going to help the relationship. That would do nothing to dispel her personal attitudes.
> 
> ...


It's a sexual type of attention. And they get it from everywhere in there.

I'm sure the attention they get at home is not really valued.


----------



## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

RM250_Chris said:


> You're right, but I'd only say that because she's gonna have to know that if she doesnt fix her act real soon, she's out of here.


Nothing you can say will make her 'know' anything. She doesn't respect you. She won't believe what you say.

You need to take action:

Close all joint accounts/credit cards
Look at getting out of your lease
File for Divorce

Once she sees that you REALLY aren't going to take her crap, she might come around.


----------



## RM250_Chris (Nov 16, 2014)

AlphaProvider said:


> Well you could work as a male stripper...
> 
> Or as a bouncer in the strip club. Doesn't have to be a full time thing, but that would definately balance things power wise.
> 
> ...


I like that. Its hard to get another job while being active duty lol. I've tried. But I could get a gym membership off base. And improve myself, cause that will only make me look better cause I am pretty skinny lol. And there's plenty of females at the gym I'm sure. I wouldn't hit on anyone obviously, but just to get her mind going wild about what I'm doing and who I'm with
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RM250_Chris (Nov 16, 2014)

SadSamIAm said:


> Nothing you can say will make her 'know' anything. She doesn't respect you. She won't believe what you say.
> 
> You need to take action:
> 
> ...


You're absolutely right. Next thing she does to show that she doesn't give a **** about me im gonna walk out and go straight to the bank and take her off of the account. And if something else happens then I'll go get divorce papers. But when I do the bank thing, what would be the best thing to say when she asks why I did it?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

RM250_Chris said:


> But when I do the bank thing, what would be the best thing to say when she asks why I did it?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Tell her that you can see that the marriage isn't working out and that this is the first step toward separating your lives.


----------



## AlphaProvider (Jul 8, 2013)

I mean people have gone through periods of bad times, but in this situation it's like she showed her true colors right after you got married. Her entire direction is disrespectful of the marriage. She may have had some females in her ear, driving the wedge.

TAM might be right, all these rebuttals, investigative techniques, attraction might be a waste of time in this particular situation. If you want a steady woman, find a sweet one who is supportive, whose view of family is mostly a whole family. Perhaps many of her friends are in long term relationships.


----------



## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

RM250_Chris said:


> You're absolutely right. Next thing she does to show that she doesn't give a **** about me im gonna walk out and go straight to the bank and take her off of the account. And if something else happens then I'll go get divorce papers. But when I do the bank thing, what would be the best thing to say when she asks why I did it?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Tell her it is because she continues to show you that you made a mistake marrying her.


----------



## AlphaProvider (Jul 8, 2013)

SadSamIAm said:


> Tell her it is because she continues to show you that you made a mistake marrying her.


True that. She's rejecting him, he needs to reject her, and he has very many good reasons to do this. Reject her powerfully. Live your life, be the man. Your "skinny" put on some more muscle, you don't have to be a bulked up hulk, but on a slim guy 10-15 lbs of muscle in the right places works wonders.

I'd be in the gym not paying her no mind and eating steaks and chickens.


----------



## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

The hoops people on this board go through just for some ass FROM THEIR SPOUSES never ceases to amaze me.

Good lawd.

The best gift your "wife" gave you was to show her true colors so early in your adult life. Drop her ASAP, learn from the disaster, and be grateful for the bullet you dodged.


----------



## RM250_Chris (Nov 16, 2014)

AlphaProvider said:


> True that. She's rejecting him, he needs to reject her, and he has very many good reasons to do this. Reject her powerfully. Live your life, be the man. Your "skinny" put on some more muscle, you don't have to be a bulked up hulk, but on a slim guy 10-15 lbs of muscle in the right places works wonders.
> 
> I'd be in the gym not paying her no mind and eating steaks and chickens.


Well not that skinny lol. I'm pretty tall but I'm cut too. But last night we got into a fight because she was gonna go to the movies with her friend last night And we haven't been on any sort of date in the since the marriage. I've tried multiple times but there was always an excuse for her not to go. So of course it pissed me off. We kept arguing with the typical blaming stuff on me. I finally stood up, said **** it. I quit! I'm ****ing done! And then I left and went to the bar
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## AlphaProvider (Jul 8, 2013)

RM250_Chris said:


> Well not that skinny lol. I'm pretty tall but I'm cut too. But last night we got into a fight because she was gonna go to the movies with her friend last night And we haven't been on any sort of date in the since the marriage. I've tried multiple times but there was always an excuse for her not to go. So of course it pissed me off. We kept arguing with the typical blaming stuff on me. I finally stood up, said **** it. I quit! I'm ****ing done! And then I left and went to the bar
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Hopefully looking good and smelling clean. I'd be working out like hell, getting more cut and swole in the right places. Buy some outfits for yourself, put yourself out there in the right meat markets. 

She might never come off of her thing. A VAR might not hurt, it's only $50 and in a week you will have all the info you need to make a decision.

Some of these "hell" challenges are kinda fun way to motivate yourself. Just don't take her cheating or whatever the hell she is doing personally, thats her.


----------



## AlphaProvider (Jul 8, 2013)

Any updates my man?


----------



## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Chris, she is cheating on you. get your head out of the sand and find some proof. She is using you for the benefts.

Check her phone records.


----------



## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

Don't lose your temper with her.

Read about the 180


----------



## SimplyCrushed (Nov 21, 2014)

PBear said:


> Annulling a marriage isn't as easy as some people think, unless there's some form of fraud or outside influence. Being incompatible isn't a reason, from what I've read. It's not a magic bullet.
> 
> If you're thinking of ending things, go talk to a lawyer first. You haven't been married long, so it shouldn't be difficult to untangle. Just don't get her pregnant in the meantime. DO NOT DEPEND ON HER FOR BIRTH CONTROL!!!
> 
> ...


:iagree:

Annulment is very specific and there are not many courts that will allow it. Of course there is religious "annulment" in some places but idk if you care about that.
They made it harder now by removing ANY mention of sexual orientation/sex in a lot of places- so sexual differences are off the table in some states. 

I got married young but we never had a sex issue... it was hard not sleeping together during our divorce! Then after we had to set some firm boundaries regarding spending alone time together.

Now.. I did have other issues with him that led to a divorce. For the most part I was super career focused and worked like a crazy person. I had a very low tolerance for "childish" behavior, video games, not budgeting and 10 random guys at my house drinking till 4am while I had to go to work 

It was immature on BOTH our parts.

You should be careful about having a child and also speak to an attorney about a possible divorce down the line.

I would almost tell her about your concerns and divorce thoughts. Don't blame, get mean or loud. Just say that both of you are young and that living like this will destroy you both.

Look at your behavior though. There is a lot you don't see until later.


----------



## RV9 (Sep 29, 2014)

I wish I knew about Tam when I got married. This might have been thread name I would have used. Op, run. Just run.


----------



## AlphaProvider (Jul 8, 2013)

RV9 said:


> I wish I knew about Tam when I got married. This might have been thread name I would have used. Op, run. Just run.


Small traits like selfishness and always putting themselves first are a bad sign. It gets worse too, not better.


----------



## WonkyNinja (Feb 28, 2013)

RM250_Chris said:


> Hey everyone, I just now created an account mainly because I've only been married for 2 1/2 months and already seeing some issues. I am 21 and she is 20. Since we moved in together over 2 months ago we have probably only had sex maybe 5 or 6 times..? Before we tied the knot we were very sexually active. I mean, we're young, that should be normal. Im at the point now to where I don't even try to initiate or anything. Theres been times when she says "no" and then I go to the bathroom and she asks me where I'm going, and i tell her I'm going to masturbate, and she just lets me go like she doesn't care about my happiness at all. I even get rejected for affection. I feel like Im just annoying when I want a hug or a kiss. She does kiss me, but only out of her convenience when SHE wants it. We haven't used tongue since probably the first week we moved in? Im a very loving guy and she knows id bend over backwards for her. Sometimes i feel she takes me for granted. The other day before I came home from work I asked her what her plans were that night and she said nothing, so I went out and said, "Babe, to be honest, I want you so bad, and I have for a while." And all she says is "Im too tired" or "Im not feeling it". It destroys me because I know for a fact I can please that woman. But, we have been having other issues. I caught her in little lies, but she will never admit to it or say sorry, Its always MY fault for accusing.
> 
> If anybody has some good input for me that would be very helpful, thanks for reading


If she isn't prepared to work on it, and seriously work on it, then leave ASAP.

We had barely got back from honeymoon when I started hearing "that's it, no sex for you" anytime anything wasn't done exactly how she wanted it. Soon after that the "if you do x, then you might get lucky tonight", or even the "I'm so drunk you might get lucky". 

If she isn't interested in you in the first two months then you need to admit it was a mistake and leave. Sex and Intimacy isn't something that a partner should have to beg for or work for, it's neither a reward nor a punishment. If the relationship isn't mutual then it is a best a very dysfunctional relationship and you need to leave. 

There are probably a lot of people on here, male and female, can vouch for how completely and utterly sole destroying it is to be continually rejected by the person who vowed that they love you more than any other.

You might think that you have ties and commitments now but they are nothing compared to where you will be in a couple of years, especially if, god forbid, she is suddenly willing when she wants to get pregnant.

I wish you the best if you try to work at it but you need to do so now or leave.


----------



## WonkyNinja (Feb 28, 2013)

RM250_Chris said:


> All in all everyone, I'm basically on the last straw. I can't go on being degraded and feeling like I'm nothing to her. If it doesn't change within a couple weeks, I'm gonna have to end this. We all know this marriage is not gonna last. Cause I'm sure this stuff will all come back again. You guys have been a tremendous help and its good to have strangers to tall to about my dilemma. You guys are awesome!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Unless you are doing something positive now why would you think it might change within a couple of weeks?


----------



## AlphaProvider (Jul 8, 2013)

WonkyNinja said:


> Unless you are doing something positive now why would you think it might change within a couple of weeks?


This is long term work. Attraction and image changing works takes at least three months until it has an impact.

Ultimatums can work quickly and make the other decide that maybe they want to do right.

But most of this work is long term, that's why I said do it for yourself and the improvement in quality of life it will afford you.

Do not ask her or seek her responses or feedback, her feedback sucks now.

What could help you is if 1/2 of the Waitresses working with her wanted to screw you hard. That would really help our out.

You guys are young and will be going through hell for at least 5 more years in my opinion.


----------



## RM250_Chris (Nov 16, 2014)

Well everyone, I closed my bank account and opened a new one and she was fuming. Taught her to not only use my money when she has some of her own. She was gonna go yo the movies with her friend like a week ago and that pissed me off cause she never goes out with me. Always using an excuse not to. She left and went back to Florida on Sunday, thinking I was gonna stop her. Came to the conclusion that she is an emotional abusing narcissist. I looked up traits for an emotional abusing wife and she falls right in just about every category. I couldn't take it no more. Now reality slapped her in the face and she wants to come back, but I'm doing my best to be strong and realize that this is not able to be fixed. It sucks cause this isn't the result I wanted, but she did it to herself...it feels nice to come home and not feel like I'm walking on eggshells anymore.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RM250_Chris (Nov 16, 2014)

RM250_Chris said:


> Well everyone, I closed my bank account and opened a new one and she was fuming. Taught her to not only use my money when she has some of her own. She was gonna go yo the movies with her friend like a week ago and that pissed me off cause she never goes out with me. Always using an excuse not to. She left and went back to Florida on Sunday, thinking I was gonna stop her. Came to the conclusion that she is an emotional abusing narcissist. I looked up traits for an emotional abusing wife and she falls right in just about every category. I couldn't take it no more. Now reality slapped her in the face and she wants to come back, but I'm doing my best to be strong and realize that this is not able to be fixed. It sucks cause this isn't the result I wanted, but she did it to herself...it feels nice to come home and not feel like I'm walking on eggshells anymore.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Closed the account because she wanted to control all of the finances, even though I was the one constantly going broke to pay the bills when she wanted to spend the cash she made from work for pleasure.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## AlphaTrophyHusband (Nov 25, 2014)

RM250_Chris said:


> Well everyone, I closed my bank account and opened a new one and she was fuming. Taught her to not only use my money when she has some of her own. She was gonna go yo the movies with her friend like a week ago and that pissed me off cause she never goes out with me. Always using an excuse not to. She left and went back to Florida on Sunday, thinking I was gonna stop her. Came to the conclusion that she is an emotional abusing narcissist. I looked up traits for an emotional abusing wife and she falls right in just about every category. I couldn't take it no more. Now reality slapped her in the face and she wants to come back, but I'm doing my best to be strong and realize that this is not able to be fixed. It sucks cause this isn't the result I wanted, but she did it to herself...it feels nice to come home and not feel like I'm walking on eggshells anymore.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I read your thread. Narcisist or whatever. She's built up a big ball of selfishness and entitlement and had been steamrolling you for a while.

Cutting off the finances so you can ensure bills get paid is something you should do even if you are happily married and one spouse abuses the budget.

I'd make a checklist of other lines in the sand for you to maintain.

A lady told me last night that everytime my lady goes out, to go out myself, look good and smell clean. She said it's not for tit-for-tat, but women will tend to take you for granted when they think you can't get anything else.

Your bank thing did give her a burst of reality, and it is for a great reason. Even if your MOM was doing this, you'd have to get her out of your account.

I have faith you can come out of this a better man, a stronger man, and have all the ladies you choose. I do hope you and your wife works out.

Some of the things you did based on GOOD principle can get them to eventually come around, and if it doesn't at least she won't be steamrolling you. She will see you as an equal adversary over time.

Right now with her job, attention and lack of responsibility with no repurcussions she's taking you heavily for granted.

I'd keep looking good, smelling clean and doing stuff out with the guys.


----------



## AlphaTrophyHusband (Nov 25, 2014)

RM250_Chris said:


> Closed the account because she wanted to control all of the finances, even though I was the one constantly going broke to pay the bills when she wanted to spend the cash she made from work for pleasure.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Pleasure is fun and games, toys... You have to make sure things get done. Even she knows you are right even if she lies to your face.


----------

