# what are my chances?



## ladeesse

I'm going to try to summarize as much as possible to get to my point. Been together nearly 5 years. He was completely devoted to me and deeply in love with me. It took me longer to feel as deeply as he did, my love grew more slowly but my love did indeed grow. I was more cautious as I had been married for 14 years before and never wanted to marry again. when I met him I didn't even want to be in a relationship. But he won me over, was patient and determined. Over the course of our relationship I developed health problems that grew so severe that all hell hit the fan and I eventually couldn't even walk. Everything changed, I lost my career, was in severe pain etc. He never waivered and in fact, in the midst of all of this asked me to marry him. I realized he really was in it for the long haul and I knew that this was the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. We wanted a regular wedding but couldn't wait until my health improved and I had to have a serious high risk surgery out of state. After asking my dad's permission for my hand and asking my daughters to formally accept him as their stepfather, we had a civil service performed secretly with my dad and daughters as witnesses until we could have our actual wedding. I had my surgery and things were healing very slowly and the pain was mind numbing. I wasn't even sure the surgery helped. On top of that I was concerned about becoming dependent on my extremely strong pain meds and so didn't take them as I should have and was in constant withdrawal. I became very emotional, was angry all the time, we fought a lot, had a lot of stress with my health, the wedding planning, which under normal circumstances can be stressful, and problems with his family. All the stress caused a lot of arguing. 7 months after we got married, after he told me he would never leave me through out our whole relationship, and how he would never divorce me (I worried about that since he comes from a family where everyone is divorced, including his grandparents and his mother has been married 3 times) and that the ONLY way he would divorce me was if I cheated on him. Something I have NEVER done- we have this huge fight. It got ugly and he stormed out saying he was done. Two days later he comes to me and says he wants a divorce. We still lived at separate places as we were waiting until the wedding and my health improving until we got our own place. I was in shock and felt like I could have thrown up. I did all the wrong things and begged him not to leave. He was very cold and wouldn't even let me hardly touch him. I asked him over and over for time. He would pause and say I don't know and then become absolutely adamant he wanted a divorce.

1 week later he had the only connection we had financially, and had himself removed from my phone plan. Only 1 week. I initially panicked but then sent a text telling him I had something for him and would he like to meet. He said that we could at the park. I had made sure during this time I always got dressed, did my hair and makeup etc even though I felt like I was dying inside and could barely breathe. So when he wanted to meet right then I was already dressed. I greeted him with a genuine smile because it was truly so good to see him. He returned it. Long story short of the meeting. At three different points we hugged and he not only let me hug him, he returned the hug, rubbed my back each time and told me in my ear I looked nice with the first hug. We sat RIGHT next to each other with full leg contact when we sat next to each other. At one point I even held his hand and he let me. I also noticed he still wore his ring that he never took off that I gave him. He wore it on his left hand, it was a silver ring I gave him before we were married and he never took it off like I said. He also was wearing a bracelet I gave him for Christmas this past year, that he never wore but was wearing it then. I once again asked him for time. He agreed to it but said he didn't want to get my hopes up. He also did admit he still loved me and would always love me. He again agreed to time but then said he didn't want it anymore. I felt so many mixed signals. If he really wanted it to be over why still be wearing my jewelry, or hold my hand, or rub my back or sit so close. Why not be adamant and say No, time will NOT make any difference, I want a divorce and there's no since in dragging it out! 

He told me walking me back to the car that I could still text him once in a while, and that we could perhaps go for a walk now and then. That night I sent a text asking him about the bike and about something else and told him it was nice to see him. He answered my questions and told me it was nice to see me as well. 

The next morning I texted him to say good morning and that I hoped he had been able to get some sleep (he had hurt himself and wasn't sleeping). He never responded to it nor did he ever initiate one after that either. I left him alone for the rest of that week.

The next week I sent a text asking if he would like to get a bit to eat and that it was my treat. He told me he couldn't as he was out searching for new hunting spots. He didn't ask for an alternative night. I made it sound like no big deal, I wished him luck and that he would get the biggest tom ever and asked if we might go out one night and me watch him shoot his bow, something I have always wanted to do but for one reason or another it never happened the whole time we were together. He said thank you. He said he didn't know, there really wasn't anyplace around to do that (he lives in town). But that he would let me know. and told me good night.

I responded about a couple of hours later. I had drawn a hand turkey, it said happy turkey hunting on it and I took a pic of me (I looked way cute) with me holding the drawing and sent it to him with a text that said -ok, that anywhere on state property was fine for me, that I could do the walking, and that it would be nice to be out in the woods with him (he feels the most at peace etc out in the woods). Just let me know, Nite. 

That was a week ago. I haven't heard anything from him. 

7 months wasn't even time to give our marriage a fair shot! We didn't even live together! Am I wasting my time here? Do the signals seem mixed to you or does it seem like he would like to get back together but he just needs space? 

How many reconciliation success stories are there really? I have done a GREAT deal of working on myself during this month. (It has now been a month since he left). But if he doesn't talk to me or see me how will he know this. None of our friends are mutual. He's gone back to all of his old friends that have nothing to do with my life. He's the kind of man that can and does walk away from people and never look back. I am trying so hard to be careful so as not to scare him away or make things worse. I had decided to not contact him for a couple of weeks before contacting him again but don't know if that is a good idea or not. He disappears all weekend each weekend and I have no idea where he goes to......

I really need some thoughts on this and would REALLY like to hear from the men that have dumped their women. What do you think is going on here. He is NOT the cheating player kind of guy. Having said that, he may feel he is under no obligation to me since he left me so he may NOW be seeing someone, I don't know. How do I go about this? It seems that anything I read on this type of thing is all about NO CONTACT. I'm not so sure that will work for him and in fact I think the more distance and time away from me, the more justified he will feel and the more stubborn about his decision he will be. I have seen him do it with others including his whole family!! 

Would really like some thoughts on this.


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## Niceguy13

I think you should talk to him about the pain of the surgery that you got over stressed and you took it out on him and that wasn't fair to him. I think he still loves you (hell I don't believe love goes away I just think people decide to deny it/ not express it anymore) write him a letter take your time. Don't point out his flaws talk about you. Talk about how during the surgery you worried about getting addicted to the pain meds so you weren't taking them, that you were always in pain and you were trying to hide it from him, that with all the stress in life you forgot to take time out to love him and let him destress you. That is really all you can do. Best wishes out to you.


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## DelinquentGurl

I don't think any of us here can answer what the chances are and be accurate. All I will say is that if you truly want this to work, then you are going to have to take a good look at yourself and fix the things you need to fix regardless if you stay married or not.

The fact that he still loves you is a really good thing, just don't become overly confident.
I think you need to scale back, not text him, etc. Let him miss you and reach out to you.
I know that's hard to do, I struggle with it also, but you need to do it for your own sanity.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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