# Confused about keeping marriage



## themarriedguy1 (Apr 1, 2012)

My wife and I have been married for almost 7 years. We have 2 beautiful daughters. We were both married quite young and even when we got married I had feelings of hesitation. These have only increased over time. It's one of those things where before you start to analyze it to much I just blocked it from my mind. Now I find myself relatively unhappy. I feel that I rushed into marriage. I don't have a lot of respect for my wife and I don't particularly enjoy spending time with her. that being said she is very happy and I know it would break her heart if I divorced her. I can't imagine being without my daughters but I don't think it's fair to them to stay in an unhappy marriage as it would be a bad example and kids aren't stupid either. It's not that I'm miserable, and I put on a good show for my wife, but I don't think this lingering unhappiness will change much and a lifetime is a long time. Any suggestions?


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## maggot brain (Nov 28, 2010)

What's her name? (The Other Woman)


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## themarriedguy1 (Apr 1, 2012)

Maybe it would be a good (if pathetic) excuse, but I'm happy to say there is absolutely no other woman involved here.


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## FrankKissel (Nov 14, 2011)

Whatever you do, don't use your kids as an excuse/rationale for ending your marriage.
Kids may not be stupid, but they don't give two poops about how "relatively happily you are. They will care, and probably learn to detest, growing up in a broken home, being shuffled between houses and dropoff points, having to spend holidays with one parent or the other (or rush back-and-forth between both), learning to deal with mom's new boyfriend and dad's latest fling, etc.
Do what you have to do, but don't think you're doing your kids a favor.
And if you're terribly concerned with setting an example, how about setting an example about commitment, about keeping promises and putting in the effort to make your marriage work in good times and bad.
/steps down from soapbox
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## themarriedguy1 (Apr 1, 2012)

By no means would I consider a divorce doing them a favor. On the contrary, I believe the statement that " no success in life can compensate for failure in the home". That is what I would be instigating. However, realizing that my feelings aren't something new, that they've been present practically since I got married, I have a hard time envisioning a change occurring. Is a "successful family unit" worth not having a wife I respect, adore, love spending time with, etc? I'm not sure. Also, be aware, we dated for 3 months before engagement, and a total of 7 monthgs before marriage. Not exactly a lengthy courtship.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

So why did you get married so quickly? Have you considered some form of counseling to try to sort out your thoughts? Does your wife know you're unhappy?

My concern would be that you're unhappy not because of your wife, your kids, your current situation. That you're unhappy because of something inside you. And you know what happens when you leave your current situation? You take that something with you. Until you resolve your issues, you can get a divorce, change jobs, move across the world, but you still won't be happy.

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

^^agreed.


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## sadj (Apr 2, 2012)

I think you should sit her down and have a talk about how you feel. It seems scary to do that considering she is so in love with you but it shouldnt feel that way. She will respect you more in the end if you are honest with her. Not telling her will hurt her even more then keeping it from her. Everybody deserves to be happy, you, and your wife. It will be better for the kids too!!! I hope you make the right choice.


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## muso85 (Apr 4, 2012)

My position has some similarities to yours - married early and hesitantly, now actually taking the time to think and look back putting things in perspective, and realising the unhappiness is likely to continue. (Yes, a lifetime is a LONG time to be unhappy!!)

Big difference is the kids (I have none) - they do need to be considered - their lives and attitudes will be shaped by the household(s) they grew up in. 

Talk honestly and openly with your wife about this - she needs to know that you aren't happy, despite putting on a 'brave face' for her - and work out what 'things' are really contributing to your displeasure. (They may not be obvious...)


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## pianist87 (Apr 2, 2012)

I'm in a similar situation sadly, except I have no children.

As scary as it's going to be, you need to talk to your wife and be completely honest. Does your wife even know you feel this way? She might be having similar emotions.


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## themarriedguy1 (Apr 1, 2012)

I guess you never know how somebody is truly feeling but I don't think that she is feeling the same way. I should sit down and talk about his with her but it feels like its taking the first step to divorce. I suppose it's also a first step to healing our marriage. It sucks when you know you're going to crush someone.


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## jenny123 (Mar 21, 2012)

I am a victim of my H's hidden emotions. After 18 years of marriage, he decides to tell me he is not happy and wants a separation. He doesn't even want to try and work things out. My advice to you would be to let her know how you are feeling NOW and try and work things out through counseling or whatever. Nothing hurts more than letting it get to the point of just giving up and being blindsided in the fact that your husband is just walking away without any warning. It's awful. Not to mention what the kids are going through. Be a man and express your feelings. Please.
I lost all respect for him. We don't even talk or make eye contact. He is a poor excuse for a man. No normal person does that to his family...period.


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## rrsmith (Apr 6, 2012)

Separation is not the solution of your problem..
This is the problem of tons of people in the world...
You have to repair your marriage. Do your best, do what you can, or you never did in the past....
I was separated from my gf for one month, I know what was that feeling...


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