# My story should at least make you feel better about yours!!



## Frogman (Apr 30, 2012)

This is my story....

Me and a group of guys I work with love the races. We planned a trip down to Melbourne for a week to go to the Spring Carnival and have a bit of a boys week. So I l left my wife and 2 year old Son and headed to Melbourne with my mates. 

On the Friday when I returned home, I wasn’t in the door half an hour before she handed me my son and said “I can’t do this anymore” and left without saying another word. I did not hear from or see her for the next week and a half which left me to raise our son on my own which, as you could imagine was incredibly difficult. I was trying to hold myself together for him whilst holding down a full time job as well as caring for him, the usual stuff, food, day-care playing with him. As you could imagine, pretty difficult.

Anyway, one night she turns up out of the blue (after me trying to contact her for 2 weeks) and wants to talk. Well talk she did. Long story short she had been sleeping with three of the guys from my sporting club, had a threesome with her boss and one of his mates after work and was seeing another guy who she had staying with her (and my son) in my house whilst I was in Melbourne. This devastated me as I had absolutely no idea anything was going on. So this put me into therapy for a long time and it turns out that she has a Narcissistic Personalty disorder and was going through a manic stage, of which , can last up to 12 months. 

Needless to say I was devastated, angry, hurt etc. We agreed on 50/50 care of our son, which is great as that is a lot more of a lot of other dads get. I was totally cut off from her, I wouldn’t talk to her or have anything to do with her even when she dropped my son off. 

The thing about hating someone you used to be so in love with is that at some point you get tired of hating them, well I did anyway. Just recently, very recently, she got in touch with me and told me that she regrets everything that she has done and wants to make it right. She said that she wants to get the family back together and do whatever it takes. 

This is where it gets interesting. I have brilliant neighbours who have turned into more of family members than friends; they have offered her to stay with them (she is living with the guy) on the provision that she gets help for her disorder. She is yet to make a decision on that as people with this type of disorder do not recognise that they have a problem. 

Now just a bit more of a background of our previous relationship, her sleeping with so many other guys was not the biggest issue here due to our lifestyle that we had. It was the lying and deceit and the way she treated me and her son. I don’t know what she is willing to do to make this happen and I don’t know if I can trust her again, all I do know is that I never stopped loving her.


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

This is just too much. 

If you haven't already expose it to your and her family/friends/coworkers.


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

Are you divorced now? How long ago did this happen?

Even though Narcissistic Personalty Disorder can be treated, it can never be cured. They feel entitled to do what ever they want regardless of the consequences.

Are you willing to take a chance that her next "attack" will not result in the same behavior?


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## Frogman (Apr 30, 2012)

This happened over six months ago. My issue is that for the first 3 years of our marriage she showed absolutely no traits of this. Its very easy to say break it off and move on but for some reason I am still very much in love with her. 

Am I willing to take another chance? well I really dont know, but what I do know is that she made me he happiest i have ever been, I am conflicted as I want to try and get that back and give our son the family he deserves.


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

Frogman said:


> Am I willing to take another chance? well I really dont know, but what I do know is that she made me he happiest i have ever been, I am conflicted as I want to try and get that back and give our son the family he deserves.


If you were to take her back and later on she showed the same behavior, how would you react?


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## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

What happens when another episode flares up? personality disorders are next to impossible to cure especially a narcissistic one. She will need to be in therapy for the rest of her life and you'll have to assess whether you can cope with that. Don't forget however, narcissists rarely seek therapy let alone stick to it indefinitely.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Dud you expose the affairs to the wives and gf of the men sh e cheated with? Did you expose her boss to hr?

I honestly can't see why you would even considers talking to such a retech person like her. She's still living with another guy. So much for being willing to work on the marriage.

Tell her, I was stupid enough to trust you once, why would I be twice that stupid and even share a coffee with you let alone all the partners and disease you've been picking up cheating.

It's a dire shame your son is exposed to someone so awful with such terrible people around her. He's going to grow up with a very distorted view in relationships and honesty.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Frogman said:


> This happened over six months ago. My issue is that for the first 3 years of our marriage she showed absolutely no traits of this. Its very easy to say break it off and move on but for some reason I am still very much in love with her.
> 
> Am I willing to take another chance? well I really dont know, but what I do know is that she made me he happiest i have ever been, I am conflicted as I want to try and get that back and give our son the family he deserves.


No you just hadn't caught her yet. No doubt she was the town tramp back then too.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Frogman (Apr 30, 2012)

keko said:


> If you were to take her back and later on she showed the same behavior, how would you react?


This is not something I can answer. I wish that I could say that I would still be as forgiving. Having said that, she realises that if we where to try again that she has everything to lose. We live in a different state than any of her family ind if she screwed up again she would literally have no where to go and would have to back to her home state to live with her parents, and I would not let her take our son with her. She knows this.


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## pidge70 (Jan 17, 2011)

How did she become diagnosed with NPD?


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## Frogman (Apr 30, 2012)

Shaggy said:


> It's a dire shame your son is exposed to someone so awful with such terrible people around her. He's going to grow up with a very distorted view in relationships and honesty.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


This is my issue. I want to be able to show my son that forgiveness dos not translate into weakness and to intill proper values in him regarding relationships, commitment and honesty. Also if we where to reconcile I would be able to protect him from this type of behaviour more than when she is with her.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Frogman said:


> This is not something I can answer. I wish that I could say that I would still be as forgiving. Having said that, she realises that if we where to try again that she has everything to lose. We live in a different state than any of her family ind if she screwed up again she would literally have no where to go and would have to back to her home state to live with her parents, and I would not let her take our son with her. She knows this.


This isn't true at all. She's had no problem finding guys willing to take her in for the services she freely renders. Heck she is currently living with a guy even now as she offers to be faithful.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Frogman (Apr 30, 2012)

pidge70 said:


> How did she become diagnosed with NPD?


When went to counselling for quite a few sessions untill she pulled the pin. The Dr we saw assessed her as such, and typically she did not like that at all.


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

Frogman said:


> This is my issue. I want to be able to show my son that forgiveness dos not translate into weakness and to intill proper values in him regarding relationships, commitment and honesty. Also if we where to reconcile I would be able to protect him from this type of behaviour more than when she is with her.


You also have to seperate forgiveness from reconciliation. You can forgive her for the things she did and is still doing(most wouldn't but it's your call). But reconciling with a NPD person is almost doomed to fail at some point.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Frogman said:


> This is my issue. I want to be able to show my son that forgiveness dos not translate into weakness and to intill proper values in him regarding relationships, commitment and honesty. Also if we where to reconcile I would be able to protect him from this type of behaviour more than when she is with her.


How would you protect him from it? She freely went about it before right under your nse until she let you in on it. The only consequence she faced out of t hat six months ago was ditching you so she was free to hookup with more men,

Look, I'm not trying to be mean, but I want you to realize just how really bad an idea it is to be involved with her again. 

Btw do not agree to have ny sex with her until she gets a clean bill of health. She been with countless men, and isn't at all discriminating. Very good chance for lots of fun stds.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

> her sleeping with so many other guys was not the biggest issue here due to our lifestyle that we had.


The above quote leads me to believe that you had what looks like a swinging/open marriage lifestyle but yet she chose to betray your trust by lying and deceiving you. It looks like you are dealing with a woman with an unadressed sexual addiction problem. 

Now she wants to come back to you and the marriage and do whatever it takes, but she's stalling accepting the offer from your neighbors to move in with them. Her words are not matching her actions.

Whatever you decide, reconcile or divorce, you must insist on her getting help via therapy for not just her benefit but for the benefit of your son. He deserves to have a mother who is healthy, emotionally, mentally and physically.


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

Frogman said:


> Now just a bit more of a background of our previous relationship, her sleeping with so many other guys was not the biggest issue here due to our lifestyle that we had.


"Lifestyle," huh? That pretty much gives her permission for all of it, at least in_ her_ mind. Women can get their rationalization hamster running full time on much less fuel than swinging. She's hooked on the dopamine, etc. Is she swinging with the guy she's shacked up with now?


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

So if she comes back you'll let her swing but only with you there? Is that the idea?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Frogman (Apr 30, 2012)

morituri said:


> The above quote leads me to believe that you had what looks like a swinging/open marriage lifestyle but yet she chose to betray your trust by lying and deceiving you. It looks like you are dealing with a woman with an unadressed sexual addiction problem.
> 
> Now she wants to come back to you and the marriage and do whatever it takes, but she's stalling accepting the offer from your neighbors to move in with them. Her words are not matching her actions.
> 
> Whatever you decide, reconcile or divorce, you must insist on her getting help via therapy for not just her benefit but for the benefit of your son. He deserves to have a mother who is healthy, emotionally, mentally and physically.


We where not swingers but we did invite other women in. And yes I also agree that there is an underlying sexual problem as well. 

She is stalling to make a decision. She tells me that she is concerned that there are too many problems to overcome which is why she hasnt made a decision yet. This was not an offer that I was involved with either.

Machiavelli, no she isnt "swinging" with him, as far as she has told me anyway, but again this is not the main issue for me.


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## Frogman (Apr 30, 2012)

Shaggy said:


> So if she comes back you'll let her swing but only with you there? Is that the idea?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


No thats not the idea at all. The idea would be to try and get her the help that she needs and fix our marriage and family.


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

I don't see how you could even think about R until she commits to a 24/7 therapy. 

Tell her to get professional help ASAP, if she isn't willing to do so then you know her stand on being married to you.


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

Frogman said:


> No thats not the idea at all. The idea would be to try and get her the help that she needs and fix our marriage and family.


It's going to be a hard row to hoe, just to get her squared away mentally. Plus, once she gets well, she'll think she's cured and won't take her meds and you've got another episode on your hands. 

Look up the search terms: brain sex, dopamine, norepinephrine and educate yourself. Personality disordered women get a massive dose of self-medication from new sex partners and the mood elevating chemistry of "strange semen". That's probably why she doesn't think she needs treatment.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

This woman is an unrepentant narcissist and we have heard far too many stories about how such people devastate the ones who love them. I would cut off all contact with her and ignore her calls. File for divorce and maintain custody of your son. 

Do you share custody with her or how does it work? Does she see the child at all?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

So she isn't offering to make it right. She is negotiating with you to see if you cn offer a better deal than the current guy.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Frogman (Apr 30, 2012)

OP here,
Has anyone actually gone through something like this personally? Id like to hear your thoughts on dealing with this type of person and still being in love with them. Dont get me wrong, I really appreciate the feedback and advice but at the moment my heart is ruling my head.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

There is another forum member, the_guy, who has gone through something like you have. His wife slept with 22 men, I believe. You may want to PM him.


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## pidge70 (Jan 17, 2011)

Machiavelli said:


> It's going to be a hard row to hoe, just to get her squared away mentally. Plus, once she gets well, she'll think she's cured and won't take her meds and you've got another episode on your hands.
> 
> Look up the search terms: brain sex, dopamine, norepinephrine and educate yourself. Personality disordered women get a massive dose of self-medication from new sex partners and the mood elevating chemistry of "strange semen". That's probably why she doesn't think she needs treatment.


Meds do NOT work on people with PD's.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

Frogman said:


> Long story short she had been sleeping with three of the guys from my sporting club, had a threesome with her boss and one of his mates after work and was seeing another guy who she had staying with her (and my son) in my house whilst I was in Melbourne.


 OK you win. Your story makes every other story pale by comparison.


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## bryanp (Aug 25, 2011)

This is so very sad that you are in such denial. You put yourself and your son in such a toxic environment with her. She will bring you and everyone she associate with down. You are engaging in magical thoughts which means if you believe strong enough in something (her getting well and normal) then it will surely happen. Everyone on this board know how this will end. What is the old saying: There is nobody as blind as someone who refuses to see. I wish you luck because you will surely need it.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

No, her NPD or whatever undiagnosed conditions she has make her unfit to be in a relationship. You will have to spend the rest of your life watching you back. Don't do this.

I've read threads where the husband continued living with a BPD/NPD cheater and they go through hell when ever they have a manic phase or get off the meds. 

You are still young and getting back with her will ensure a life full of tensions and drama.


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## pidge70 (Jan 17, 2011)

warlock07 said:


> No, her NPD or whatever undiagnosed conditions she has make her unfit to be in a relationship. You will have to spend the rest of your life watching you back. Don't do this.
> 
> I've read threads where the husband continued living with a BPD/NPD cheater and they go through hell when ever they have a manic phase or get off the meds.
> 
> You are still young and getting back with her will ensure a life full of tensions and drama.


People with NPD or BPD, (like myself) need Dialetical Behavior Therapy. Meds do NOTHING for the disorder.


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## Frogman (Apr 30, 2012)

How suucessful (or not) has your treatment been?


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## Humble Pie (Feb 28, 2012)

Frogman said:


> This is my issue. I want to be able to show my son that forgiveness dos not translate into weakness and to intill proper values in him regarding relationships, commitment and honesty. Also if we where to reconcile I would be able to protect him from this type of behaviour more than when she is with her.


How can you teach you son about commitment and honest in relationships when your wife's condition doesnt allow her to teach those same values? Do you feel that standing by someone who has betrayed you so awefully, with the high chance she will do it repetitively, show's your son this?

If you want to show your son a good environment, move on, find another woman who will not subject you to this, then your son will grow up seeing a healthy relationship, this is not one.


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## pidge70 (Jan 17, 2011)

I am doing much better. Not perfect by a long shot but, it took many horrible things happening to me for me to get this disorder. It will take awhile to get it under control.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

pidge70 said:


> I am doing much better. Not perfect by a long shot but, it took many horrible things happening to me for me to get this disorder. It will take awhile to get it under control.


I was hoping you would comment..


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## pidge70 (Jan 17, 2011)

warlock07 said:


> I was hoping you would comment..


Not much I can say. NPD may be a "cousin" to my disorder but, there are vast differences.


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## Frogman (Apr 30, 2012)

pidge70 said:


> I am doing much better. Not perfect by a long shot but, it took many horrible things happening to me for me to get this disorder. It will take awhile to get it under control.


Looking back, did you think that you didnt have a problem and that it was everyone else?


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## pidge70 (Jan 17, 2011)

Frogman said:


> Looking back, did you think that you didnt have a problem and that it was everyone else?


Most definitely. I blamed everyone but myself for the way I acted.


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## Frogman (Apr 30, 2012)

pidge70 said:


> Most definitely. I blamed everyone but myself for the way I acted.


Do you think that you feel empathy more than you did?


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## pidge70 (Jan 17, 2011)

Frogman said:


> Do you think that you feel empathy more than you did?


Yes I do. To be honest, I am horribly ashamed of my actions. I spend every minute of every day trying to keep myself on an even keel.


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## TheMarriageandFamilyClini (Mar 3, 2012)

NPD is a difficult thing to treat. One of the diagnostic criteria for NPD does not include multiple sexual escapades. IF she has NPD and has had multiple sexual escapades I would venture that these are mutually exclusive (meaning that they have very little to do with each other or have very little overlap). If she's apologetic now that's a big step but she also needs to take full responsibility for her actions. In this case, you're the injured partner and it is your responsibility to make requests to her of how to make it right. Don't be too hasty in looking for her to change her behavior and give it a few months to make your decision about whether she is sincere in her efforts. Hope it helps!


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## Frogman (Apr 30, 2012)

TheMarriageandFamilyClini said:


> NPD is a difficult thing to treat. One of the diagnostic criteria for NPD does not include multiple sexual escapades. IF she has NPD and has had multiple sexual escapades I would venture that these are mutually exclusive (meaning that they have very little to do with each other or have very little overlap). If she's apologetic now that's a big step but she also needs to take full responsibility for her actions. In this case, you're the injured partner and it is your responsibility to make requests to her of how to make it right. Don't be too hasty in looking for her to change her behavior and give it a few months to make your decision about whether she is sincere in her efforts. Hope it helps!


Thankyou for this, this was actually very helpfull to me.


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## Frogman (Apr 30, 2012)

pidge70 said:


> Yes I do. To be honest, I am horribly ashamed of my actions. I spend every minute of every day trying to keep myself on an even keel.


How long did it take you to feel an improvement in yourself?

How long have you been having this therapy for?


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## SweetAndSour (Feb 25, 2012)

*My story should at least make you feel better about yours!!*

Frogman,

I did'nt really hope to feel better by learning someone else is having it worst then me. After reading your story, I'd switch places with you anytime.

My wife had more man behind my back than yours, we have more kids than yours and her lying and deceit went on for 21 years until last month. ohh she has also some sort of PD which she is under councelling right now.

SO.......I am not in the right mind to give any advice to anyone but If I could have switched places with you, I would take my son and run. 

You are younger than me, you can repair yourself including your own flaws which enabled your supouse to persue her bad choices and you can look forward for much satisfying, healtier relationships. I doubt that on the long run, you can do that with your current wife. 

It is like cancer. You got it. Early detection is vital. You have a better chance of getting rid of it and continue as a whole. If you try to live with it, like me, for years, ignoring, not realising, eventually, you will definitly get to the terminal stages. She was embedded in my every cell in 21 years, I can not just have her removed without losing big parts of my existence now. Your wife does not seem like the benign type.

Look for cure while you can. Or you will not recognize yourself in not so distant future.


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## Frogman (Apr 30, 2012)

Thankyou sweetandsour, that was very profound and got me thinking very very hard about what I need/want/have to do.

I am just so torn and heartbroken about what I wanted for my son and that I still love her very much.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Frogman said:


> I am just so torn and heartbroken about what I wanted for my son and that I still love her very much.


....But it is a misplaced love. It is not a healthy love and you know it. You have become co-dependent on her. You think that you will lose your validity as a person if you give her up.

Its not true. 

You will become a better person, a more fulfilled person, without this vampire draining you of your self-esteem and self-worth. Do not let your son grow up watching his father humiliated by a broken, malfunctioning mother.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Your story really didn't make me feel any better, and BTW it was 20 not 22

Like it matters LOL LOL LOL


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

You may feel done kind of emotion to her that you think is love, but you'd have to be mentally ill to see your relationship as love in anyway.

You also can't be in a healthy relationship where only one side cares about the other.mshe clearly has shown through her repeated choices that your pain,suffering, or humiliation do not matter at all to her. In fact, she actually seems to be entertained and pleasures by your humiliation and suffering,
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

the guy said:


> Your story really didn't make me feel any better, and BTW it was 20 not 22
> 
> Like it matters LOL LOL LOL


:lol:

Sorry man but got good laugh out of it.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

frogman, my best advice is this crap can easily consume you if you let it. You just have to stand up and not let it define who you want to be.
Take your licks and dust your self off , open this affair up and face it head on,and have the confidence to let her go. Don't let her walk infront of you and don't let her walk behind you, but she can walk next to you and if she can't then just walk away.


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## Frogman (Apr 30, 2012)

I am very greatfull for all the feedback and advice I have gotten here. It seems as though a lot of guys have gone through this sort of thing. Im not really suprised about it though, i suppose its more of a reflection on how lonely and helpless I have felt during this whole disaster. 

Im seeing responses from guys saying that im lucky as I have gotten out early and can still recover and live my life. I miss seeing my son on a daily basis terribly, but I am also in a fortunate position that I do have a 50/50 care arrangement in place, which from what I can understand is a much better deal than a lot of Dads out there. However he is my first an only Son and it still kills me.

I really just dont know how to move on and let it go.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

By moving on and letting go. We all are doing it or have done it. You can too. One foot in front of the other... away from her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

just realize that divorcing his mother isn't the worst thing you can do to him. Sometimes you have to chose the lesser of the 2 evils


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## ing (Mar 26, 2011)

Hi. 
I really haven't much to add that others haven't but sometimes a choir can not be ignored.
Getting away from a broken relationship can be very hard, especially if you are naturally a fixer. Like most people here i speak from experience. Coming to terms with your own failings is very difficult. 
She may have seen the other women brought in as a betrayal by you. She may just think your a doormat. 

You have to decide what it right for you. It took me many months of painful false R attempts before I finally had had enough. Even now as i finalise the Divorce papers. [It takes a year in AU] i feel like I should have one last ditch effort. But why? Why is it so

It is because I can not let go completely. It is because I have needed her validation all my life and without it I am at sea.

I see this in myself and intellectually I know that D is right for everyone, but my crushed and confused emotional self still on occasion believes that it is wrong to D.

This is a symptom of someone who spent a very long time trying to rescue and solve problems. Make someone else happy

This one you can't fix. You can not fix it for her but you can be strong for your child. You can hold a light for your child in this emotional storm. It will require a strength that you think you do not have. It will require a nerve that you had forgotten.

You are not alone. We all have stories that hurt and reek of betrayal and hurt. PM me if you like. I am in AU


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## hookares (Dec 7, 2011)

Frogman said:


> This happened over six months ago. My issue is that for the first 3 years of our marriage she showed absolutely no traits of this. Its very easy to say break it off and move on but for some reason I am still very much in love with her.
> 
> Am I willing to take another chance? well I really don't know, but what I do know is that she made me he happiest i have ever been, I am conflicted as I want to try and get that back and give our son the family he deserves.


Your wife sounds like she would be a lot of fun at a swingers party or some other type of orgy. Obviously she isn't marriage material.
Regarding "hating her", if you had a good hunting dog who always came through for you, you wouldn't "hate" it if it bit you or your two year old, would you?
You'd just get rid of it and try to focus on the good times.
Then you would cut your loses and try to find a more devoted one since you wouldn't want to drop hunting.
These labels that the psyc crowd like to give in order to justify human behavior are just that. With the track record your wife has, she'll need to try to do better in her NEXT life,(if there's to be one), because her personality is etched in stone for this one.
Good luck.


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## MrWombat (Feb 16, 2012)

You are/were married to a madwoman. She cannot be helped or fixed. Forget anger, and forget trying to get back. Accept that she is damaged goods. And move on from where you are - which is not a good place. You won't get anywhere until you detach yourself emotionally. Just remember the lessons you learned about her, most of all: that she is a chronic, convincing liar.


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## Headspin (May 13, 2012)

Frogman said:


> OP here,
> Has anyone actually gone through something like this personally? Id like to hear your thoughts on dealing with this type of person and still being in love with them. Dont get me wrong, I really appreciate the feedback and advice but at the moment my heart is ruling my head.


Hi Frogm Headspin here. I am going through exactly this but would say I am much further down the line than you are after taking her back 4 /5 times. I might be a good indication of where you might be in 4 years time. Here's my thread http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/46264-headspinning.html

I totally understand your still in love with her, I am with mine but I am quickly coming to the conclusion for the first time in my life, that sadly, love does not conquer all, which I have always believed in. Love does not beat a persistent mental condition that makes your wife want to keep trying to find out if the grass is greener even though it clearly is'nt.

I'd imagine you like me have in your head that if you both love each other in every way then happiness and contentment is there for the taking.

My latest episode is making me burn and rage inside like never before - the cheating, scheming, deceit, lying, pure dishonesty of somebody who was never like that before is simply heart crushing and here's the most depressing part - how can you still love somebody like that? how can you even contemplate wanting to be with them again? - in short it is the super glue of love

I'm even more angry at myself for feeling that there is surely a way for it to work when it has been so good but mental illness is an obstacle, that because we maybe don't know enough about and how it manifests itself deep in the mind, that cannot be overcome. Not in my marriage anyway.

I understand completely the need to rekindle the great times but maybe like me not at the expense of your sanity and your children (I have two and like you a shared custody situation) 

Amazingly I still have faith in love and would be delighted to hear in a few years time that that you 'fixed' it but from what I see on these forums about these kind of women .........I won't hold my breath

Best of luck with it all my friend


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