# The Sexless Marriage



## Become Yourself (Nov 26, 2016)

Hi.

I'm new here but really need to express how I feel.

I live, no exist in a sexless marriage. In fact <10 times per year, try < 10 times in 3 or 4 years.

I am drepessed, the depression has been the result of a traumatic year losing both mum and uncle (closer to me than my real father) all in the space of 3 weeks. Dealing with all that, caring for my father and on top of this living in a marriage which is sexless.

Now I have done a lot of thinking about this and come up with the following:

1. In life (generally) we make time for things we want to do eg grabbing a coffee with a friend, going to gym etc. If my "wife" doesn't want to make time for me then I'm an absolute mug for making time for her. Clear she isnt interested. Shes not prepared to make the time for intimacy.

2. I realised the other day we grab a coffee together every second day....I havent had sex that many times in 15 years.

3. I have become an angry frustrated mid 50's male. I tried so hard to keep her happy but in the end have realised what a fool I have been. Now I make myself happy FIRST. 

4. I found it hard at first to say NO to things she wanted us to do but now it just rolls off....unless it suits me. 

5. My advise to those in a similar situation is RUN. Because I doubt things will change and why the F should you live miserably....what is the benefit to you ? Go seek somebody else......I am not far off this step....plans are in motion and hopefully I can meet somebody.

6. In my case my "wife"has not respected me because I was Mr Agreeable, happy to accommodate and please. I believe when you lose that respect your partner desires you less.

7. If you are in a sexless marriage and you partner says Ï love you" say yeah as if, they are just words you certainly dont show it physically.

8. A sexless marriage isnt a true marriage, in fact I believe it's cruel and intentionally cruel (unless there is some medical/psych reason). Imagine if you denied your partner money or food, yet it's fine to deny sex ?

9. Be careful your partner doesnt hold sex as a "rreward" that never comes, some partners can really manipulate the other.

OK so you think I sound bitter....bloody oath I do. There is no point in my case trying to talk to her cause she doesnt want to know. So dont be like me and suffer silently, making yourself mentally sick...ACT. You are a human and sex is part of being human. You have the right maybe even obligation to find happiness and your partner can jump because it was through their actions that led you to cheat or leave, how dare they try to put the responsibility on to you, do not stand for that !!!

Cheers


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## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

Welcome to the forum, siorry you are here.

A few questions- 

How long have you been married?

Was your sex life good at any point in your relationship?
If yes, when did it change?

When/If you have sat her down and had a very open conversation about your needs, What is her reaction like?

Is there any romance in your marriage? Do you go out on dates and on great vacations together?

Is she affectionate in any other ways? (Hand holding, kisses, snuggle while watching tv etc?)

Has any outside help been sought (independent counseling, marriage counseling, sex couseling, religious etc)?

The answers to these will help us help you. The rest of the gang will be a long shortly.

Please don't cheat until your divorced,.


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## apvalerius (Sep 10, 2017)

Chris Taylor said:


> So it sounds like it died shortly after getting married. If that's the case, or even if it was only 10 years ago, you're really part of the problem. You "taught" your wife that a sexless marriage was OK by accepting it and still providing things like vacations and coffee dates.


This is another concern that holds me back from ever getting married in the first place. My financial situation would prevent divorce for sure, but I can't get stuck in a situation where I'm not getting the consent of my legally wedded wife nor the consent of other women upon them finding out I'm married. I've only had sex twice in my life and I'm 33. I wasn't even interested until I got surgically sterilized to shield myself from parental responsibility. I'm not sure if I have high T from my vasectomy but my desire to make love is very strong. I've Googled all around for coital frequency studies to get an idea how much sex is reasonable to expect but the latest study I can find is three decades old. But no sex at all from an early point in the marriage is something I ABSOLUTELY MUST avoid!


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

To quote a meme I read, "used to be sex before marriage was bad. Now it's sex after marriage that is bad".

In this day and age there are no guarantees. You may get Vixen Vicki or Frigid Frida and everything in between.


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

apvalerius said:


> This is another concern that holds me back from ever getting married in the first place. My financial situation would prevent divorce for sure, but I can't get stuck in a situation where I'm not getting the consent of my legally wedded wife nor the consent of other women upon them finding out I'm married. I've only had sex twice in my life and I'm 33. I wasn't even interested until I got surgically sterilized to shield myself from parental responsibility. I'm not sure if I have high T from my vasectomy but my desire to make love is very strong. I've Googled all around for coital frequency studies to get an idea how much sex is reasonable to expect but the latest study I can find is three decades old. But no sex at all from an early point in the marriage is something I ABSOLUTELY MUST avoid!


You'll be better off making your own thread but worry first about finding a woman who loves and wants you before you figure out how to divorce one or find women to sleep with you when you're married.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

apvalerius said:


> This is another concern that holds me back from ever getting married in the first place. My financial situation would prevent divorce for sure, but I can't get stuck in a situation where I'm not getting the consent of my legally wedded wife nor the consent of other women upon them finding out I'm married. I've only had sex twice in my life and I'm 33. I wasn't even interested until I got surgically sterilized to shield myself from parental responsibility. I'm not sure if I have high T from my vasectomy but my desire to make love is very strong. I've Googled all around for coital frequency studies to get an idea how much sex is reasonable to expect but the latest study I can find is three decades old. But no sex at all from an early point in the marriage is something I ABSOLUTELY MUST avoid!


So when you date a woman seriously, this is a discussion you have with her.

Keep in mind that if you marry and then there is no sex early in the marriage, there is little to no financial repercussions. Check the laws where you live. In most places, any assets you had before marriage are you sole property. Just do not ever mingle them with marital income/assets.

Marital assets are split 50/50. So if you marry a woman who makes about what you do, you both get basically what you earned/saved during the marriage.

Plus, in most places, alimony does not even come into play until several years of marriage. For example where I live, alimony is only for long term marriages of over 20 years.

And if you both earn about the same income, there would never be any alimony.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

Anon Pink said:


> well, better late than never eh? This won't likely ever change. You have only recently, I assume, reached a point where you realize she is making excuses and set the invisible bar over a field of land mines. You will never be content. As you now realize, life is short.
> 
> Tell her, sex X times per week or I make plans to divorce because I won't live in a sexless marriage for the rest of my life.


yeah, be smart Talk to a divorce lawyer, start getting your finances separated from hers. You do not want to lose your shirt financially just because SHE decided to sexually torture you


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