# Military Husband deployed (I need help ladies)



## MakeItTo30 (May 28, 2012)

Well I have messed up kinda bad here. I'm new to this forum, But I know I needed a website with marriage insight to help me better understand myself and marriage.

I'm currently deployed to Afghanistan. I have been with my wife for 10 years now. Married for 2. I have a 9 year old daughter, with my wife that I love very deeply. This is my second deployment to Afghanistan. The last time I was here I got the opportunity to see my wife on web cam masturbating, showing me pics of her body, and must admit I got a little spoiled. At that time we were not married yet. But now this is my second deployment and my wife is prude. She has only show me anything but a couple of times. She actually told me one day to "go masturbate by myself cause I didn't need her for that" understandable, but that hurt a little bit. I must admit I'm a very sexual demanding partner, but always has been. 

Before I got deployed I was already sexually frustrated with our marriage. Don't get me wrong the sex is good. However, now its become typical and routine. I'm the only one who has brought toys and lingerie into the bedroom. I have told her time and time again my fantasies. Even gone over roll playing, she shows little to no interest when I talk about role playing and dress up. I have even asked her for her fantasy. Discussion have turn into arguments over the things I want, Anal being one of them. I have no limits sexually because she is my wife. She has a lot of boundaries. Sad, but boundaries that she has done with other men but haven't with me. Before deploying I gave up on anything I wanted to do sexually with my wife. 

Now deployed again I feel like thing were better with our sex life before we were married. Recently I got upset, and lied about getting other women on line to show me there bodies in a desperate attempt to get thing back the way they were on my last deployment. But it blew up in my face. She took her vaginal piercing out claiming to never have sex with me again. I told her it was a lie, and it made it worst now shes mad at me for playing games with her. I even told her why I did it, it just doesn't register with her. what do I do? Wait for it to blow over and just be content with our sex life for the rest of our lives? Or watch porn, and fantasize?


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## dubbizle (Jan 15, 2012)

You main concern now is STAYING ALIVE FIRST[Thanks for serving].

If your wife is at home doing that while you are putting your life on the line the first thing I would do when I got home is kick her to the curb,this is the time you really need her and she is being a prude and she knows your situation something is not right,she should be sprawled out on the floor or whatever on the webcam thinking that could be the last time she may ever see you. 

It sounds like she pulled a bait and switch,she wanted to get married so she had all kinds of wild sex with you before the marriage and now she has the ring she is done. 

I know its hard but you need to concentrate on your task at hand and put the sexual stuff second.


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## MakeItTo30 (May 28, 2012)

Thats exactly how I feel. You hit it on the head. When i talk to her on my web cam its just me, and her nobody around me. It was different before the marriage. She went web cam crazy. But now its I don't want to, do your self kinda of attitude. we talk about sex, its a what ever attitude as well. before I came out here is when it started. So I come home safe then what? Back to old regular sex. She puts no thought into spicing it up even after I told her how I feel about our sex life. Then she pulls the web cam stunt. I love her enough to just be content with it just being sex. But is that fair to me.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Fair? Fair is a place to ride the merry-go-round and eat cotton candy. It's not fair that you're in a combat zone while over 98% of your peers are not. It's not fair that some folks come back dead or missing body parts and others don't. There is no "fair". There are things you can live with and things you can't. You've got a wife who participates sexually with you. That means you beat out 30% of all other married folks (those who live in sexless marriages). You married a real woman with real responsibilities, real stress, real feelings. She may not always be up for a circus in bed. Porn stars aren't even as naturally freaky as they appear. It's their job and they're getting paid to act enthused.


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## MakeItTo30 (May 28, 2012)

My head stays in the game. I'm always in a roughest areas. Coming back to my room to wind down and see my wife is a awesome way to relax. But you should have seen her before the marriage my last deployment. and i didn't even have the privacy i have now. she would do anything I asked. with a room full of males, not that they were watching but I have my own room and my computers next to the bed and now its different. It was like this before the deployment you know its bad when i buy my wife lingerie, and toys she haven't done nothing. but she did get her clit pierced for me though, but other then that. nothing


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## sirdano (Dec 30, 2011)

Part of it could there is more risk now. You two have a child together and the tought of losing you might make her that way.

Oh thanks for serving!


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## sculley (Jun 6, 2012)

Have you done anything romantic for her? I know when I am emotionally hurt by my spouse I can't perform. My spouse has fantasies that I could never do or I have done once or twice for him but didnt feel comfortable doing it to begin with so I don't do now. Things change a little, maybe she's tired from taking care of everything and the stress of you being away. (I am saying all of this because I am in the military and so is my spouse, so I have been on both sides of the fence) My husband and I were talkng the other night our marriage is STRONGER than ever but our sex life is lacking and my husband said you know sometimes we just go through seasons it's not a reflection on us sometimes making a marriage stronger is more important. I will leave you with that. I know your out there serving, (thanks brother) but please realize that while your gone life does still go on and get hard. I know it took a lot for my husband to get out of the selfish self serving way of thinking. As the man of your house and in the relationship. Lead...romance her a little think of something that will help in take a step in the right direction. What's the worst that could happen?


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