# H's sudden 'fixation' with fixing things in the house



## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

My husband has never been handy with his hands around the house, not because he can't but because he was either too busy with work or it was simply easier to pay someone else to do things. 
Now I note a change in his attitude towards the house, he is always fixing things, replacing bulbs, etc. I find it odd behavior cause he never really bothered before.

Men, what's up with my H?


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

aine said:


> My husband has never been handy with his hands around the house, not because he can't but because he was either too busy with work or it was simply easier to pay someone else to do things.
> Now I note a change in his attitude towards the house, he is always fixing things, replacing bulbs, etc. I find it odd behavior cause he never really bothered before.
> 
> Men, what's up with my H?


Is he looking for brownie points?
Trying to ingratiate himself.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

covert contract ???


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Well, let me see.

Could be bored.
Could be trying to avoid you by keeping busy.

Could be trying to mend 'yet broken' past offenses while he mends present broken fences.

If he ask for sex, give it to him.....

As long as he is fixing things, let him fix you up.

Up and down and all that rascally stuff.


The Typist I-


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

I fix stuff because I hate to sit still.

Well, that has changed a bit.

I still fix stuff around the house.

Now, in this new age, I break stuff on the internet and my HeadMates repair them.


The Martian-


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Andy1001 said:


> Is he looking for brownie points?
> Trying to ingratiate himself.


Not that I know of, nothing has been happening so I don't see why. I'm puzzled.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Mr.Married said:


> covert contract ???


Not sure what that means? If you are talking about the Mr Nice Guy syndrome and how they do things to get something in return such as love and sex then that is most definitely not my husband who is a mega alpha! I doubt he has any concerns about creating covert contracts. Whether he fixes things etc it doesn't bother me at all as I am used to him never doing this stuff and just sorting it out myself or paying someone. I mean it's not a big thing for me really.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

SunCMars said:


> Well, let me see.
> 
> Could be bored. maybe, or trying to distract himself as kids just went back to college
> Could be trying to avoid you by keeping busy. doubt it as I'm not much around
> ...


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## SentHereForAReason (Oct 25, 2017)

Have you told him thank you for any of the things? I'm asking because I bet his reaction would give you more insight into why he is doing it, as a thought for something to try.


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## TheDudeLebowski (Oct 10, 2017)

My initial question was going to be about your sex life. Well you already answered that so I have to go with he's got a lot of free time and suddenly he's noticing other things he probably overlooked before. His priority list is much shorter. So he's simply looking to fill it back up with stuff again.


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## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

TJW deleted duplicate post


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## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

stillfightingforus said:


> Have you told him thank you for any of the things?


My wife always says "thank you". Unfortunately, this is meaningless to me, it must mean something to her, I guess.

Try telling him that he "did a good job". Some of us get rewarded when our wives are pleased....this may also give insight.


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## BigDigg (Jan 11, 2018)

Mr.Married said:


> covert contract ???


Choreplay


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## SentHereForAReason (Oct 25, 2017)

TJW said:


> My wife always says "thank you". Unfortunately, this is meaningless to me, it must mean something to her, I guess.
> 
> Try telling him that he "did a good job". Some of us get rewarded when our wives are pleased....this may also give insight.


Yes, basically I'm getting at telling or saying something to him that will garner a response because I think the response will indicate, deep down, why he is doing this, which none of know at this point.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

TJW said:


> My wife always says "thank you". Unfortunately, this is meaningless to me, it must mean something to her, I guess.
> 
> Try telling him that he "did a good job". Some of us get rewarded when our wives are pleased....this may also give insight.


When your wife says "thank you", I believe you can interpret that as she is pleased. She wants you to know that she appreciates your efforts. If you would rather hear "atta boy", tell her.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

One other maybe'.

A most unpleasant play-be.
A sad one, i hope not true.

He is ready to leave.
He is ready to go over the wall.

Things that are broken, those that need mending, need fixing are things he wanted to do, needs to do.....

Before he leaves.

He wants to leave all those behind, in the past, now finally working, looking better, if not good.

He wants to leave 'his' castle, now your' castle in good shape.

A guilty action, a guilty plan of attack.
A plan of a sad man, a reticent man.
From a man who loves you, but not enough to stay.... put.

His shoes, his feet in them will soon depart.

He is soon to be retreating, leaving you and all the past fixed up and working.

Oh my, I hope I am wrong.


King Brian-


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

SunCMars said:


> One other maybe'.
> 
> A most unpleasant play-be.
> A sad one, i hope not true.
> ...


Interesting perspective, but I don’t think so. Since kids returned to college he’s a bit morose and wants attention. Maybe that is why. It won’t last long though, so I’m acting as normal.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

aine said:


> My husband has never been handy with his hands around the house, not because he can't but because he was either too busy with work or it was simply easier to pay someone else to do things.
> Now I note a change in his attitude towards the house, he is always fixing things, replacing bulbs, etc. I find it odd behavior cause he never really bothered before.
> 
> Men, what's up with my H?


I occasionally go through times with getting a little OCD about fixing things around the house. Here are things that motivate me:



Unexpected high power bill
Insects in the house such as ants
Some new technology for better lighting
A youtube video demonstrating a nifty DIY tip

...but that stuff is nothing compared to my number 1 motivating thing that gets me to really repairing stuff around the house. That would be doing repair work as a way to procrastinate on something way more important that I do NOT want to do. As in I did not work on doing the taxes yet because the A/C system needs new filters and I should go do to the store to buy some and take care of that now. Or I have not called our insurance companies to dispute that denied health claim from the chiropractor because the threshold on the back door has water damage and I need to run to the store now and get some stuff to fix that now. 

Regards, 
Badsanta


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## x598 (Nov 14, 2012)

aine said:


> Interesting perspective, but I don’t think so. Since kids returned to college he’s a bit morose and wants attention. Maybe that is why. It won’t last long though, so I’m acting as normal.


Wow...I think your perspective is all wrong here.

You mentioned he paid people to do things to fix the house so can I take it that meant he wanted everything in "working order" and he wasn't a slob content to let things fall into disarray.

so now he takes it on himself. maybe he got tired of paying through the nose for less then high quality work and discovered he could do some, if not many of these tasks, better or cheaper than paying someone else.

maybe he looks at this as a little hobby, fixing/upgrading things and may even enjoy it.

rather then being grateful, you are being cynical assuming "it wont last long" or he has some other motive that leaves you out in the cold.


im speechless at this point. good luck.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

aine said:


> Interesting perspective, but I don’t think so. Since kids returned to college he’s a bit morose and wants attention. Maybe that is why. It won’t last long though, so I’m acting as normal.


I recommend, I proffer.

When together in a room, outdoors, but not physically close....
Tilt forward your head, look at him with the top part of your eyes.

Stare at him and smile.

When he finally says "What?"
Ask him if there is something he wants to share.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

Well I know what it means when I do it. It is because I want everything working before I leave.


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## zookeeper (Oct 2, 2012)

Here's an idea way out of left field - you could ask him.


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## manwithnoname (Feb 3, 2017)

Yeah, I was thinking it was improvements to increase the value of the place for greater yield in a divorce sale. 

But I don't know the state of the marriage to say that is what it is.


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## Jharp (Jun 8, 2018)

aine said:


> My husband has never been handy with his hands around the house, not because he can't but because he was either too busy with work or it was simply easier to pay someone else to do things.
> Now I note a change in his attitude towards the house, he is always fixing things, replacing bulbs, etc. I find it odd behavior cause he never really bothered before.
> 
> Men, what's up with my H?



Are you somehow complaining at the results? Most of the men in my family, to include me, tend to be fix it types. Now...if his 'fix its' made it worse then I'd understand...:grin2:


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

x598 said:


> Wow...I think your perspective is all wrong here.
> 
> You mentioned he paid people to do things to fix the house so can I take it that meant he wanted everything in "working order" and he wasn't a slob content to let things fall into disarray.
> 
> ...


Hmmm, I don't have a perspective, just asked for opinions as I thought it odd. I have been with this man for 30 years, married 25 so I know him pretty well. He doesn't enjoy fixing things at all, you may be right about the money as he has his own business now and has less money to throw around. 

I note how you say I should be grateful (really? It is his home also, I do lot's of things too and pay for them and don't expect gratefulness that is what a couple are supposed to do). He is not a slob by any means, he is Asian (and unlike Westerners they often pay others to do these things as labour is cheaper here) and has worked hard all his life for his family. 

You make me out to be some sort of cynical b****, well to each his own. I still think it is odd so I asked him and he said he felt the house needed some work. We bought it and renovated it 4 years ago so it needs some maintenance due to wear and tear and yes he wants to save money due to his new job earning less. 

And this weekend he plays golf while he gets someone to come in and clean the air conditioning system which I will pay for, so yes it didnt last long, go figure.


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

aine said:


> My husband has never been handy with his hands around the house, not because he can't but because he was either too busy with work or it was simply easier to pay someone else to do things.
> 
> Now I note a change in his attitude towards the house, he is always fixing things, replacing bulbs, etc. I find it odd behavior cause he never really bothered before.
> 
> ...




Maybe sh1t is broken and needs to be fixed around the house? 🤨 Why is this an issue for you? Do you think he might be cheating? with a screw driver?


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

inmyprime said:


> Maybe sh1t is broken and needs to be fixed around the house? 🤨 Why is this an issue for you? Do you think he might be cheating? with a screw driver?
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


As I said I thought it odd for a man who never fixes anything, for years on end, suddenly he is house proud. But my last post clarifies. 
Jeez what's with the level of sarcasm in your post, 'cheating with a screwdriver'? heck I'm surprised he knows what a screwdriver looks like!


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## Rick Blaine (Mar 27, 2017)

Maybe as an empty nester he now turns to the house as something to nurture and care for. Did he spend a lot of time with the kids and their activities?


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Rick Blaine said:


> Maybe as an empty nester he now turns to the house as something to nurture and care for. Did he spend a lot of time with the kids and their activities?


Not really, I did most of the child rearing but I know he misses them and brings it up and says now it’s only us.


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## x598 (Nov 14, 2012)

aine said:


> Hmmm, I don't have a perspective, just asked for opinions as I thought it odd. I have been with this man for 30 years, married 25 so I know him pretty well. He doesn't enjoy fixing things at all, you may be right about the money as he has his own business now and has less money to throw around.
> 
> I note how you say I should be grateful (really? It is his home also, I do lot's of things too and pay for them and don't expect gratefulness that is what a couple are supposed to do). He is not a slob by any means, he is Asian (and unlike Westerners they often pay others to do these things as labour is cheaper here) and has worked hard all his life for his family.
> 
> ...


I see nothing wrong with either spouse being grateful for the contributions of the other. Too bad we don't have more of it....I would wager there would be a lot fewer divorces.


yes, I think it is cynical to see your spouse take on some new chores and to assume there is either some outside dishonorable motive, and even worse, has someone service your AC (probably takes special tools he doesn't have) and then complain "it didn't last long, go figure". 

with that kind of view....he is damned if he does....or damned if he doesn't. 

just my opinion as you pointed out.


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

aine said:


> As I said I thought it odd for a man who never fixes anything, for years on end, suddenly he is house proud. But my last post clarifies.
> 
> Jeez what's with the level of sarcasm in your post, 'cheating with a screwdriver'? heck I'm surprised he knows what a screwdriver looks like!



It’s not sarcasm. Humour! (I know, it wasn’t funny!)


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

He must be bored and feeling a drift.

I wish my H would fix stuff in the house. He always used to fix things and break things to remade them better. But for a whole year now he has been doing nothing. We had a wet spot from next door water leak...he saw the swollen sheetrock and did nothing. I had to tear it down and put it in the garbage. Our son took out 4 tiles from the hallway to start to redo the hallway, my H took a look and said put them back. We will do it another time. The basement bathroom needs to be done to look nicer but he talks about it but nothing for over a year. 

Just be happy he is doing something.


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## Rick Blaine (Mar 27, 2017)

Interesting how it is perceived that OP is questioning her husband's recent handyman status with circumspection. I think she is just wondering why the sudden change. 

The vicissitudes of life are sometimes the simplest explanation. 

"No man ever steps in the same river twice, for it's not the same river, and he's not the same man."
--Heraclitus


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

inmyprime said:


> It’s not sarcasm. Humour! (I know, it wasn’t funny!)
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


The lowest form of wit!


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Rick Blaine said:


> The vicissitudes of life are sometimes the simplest explanation.
> 
> "


I think you might be right. The kids are gone, will only be back for holidays and as they finish college and start work and will live far away, they wont be back so often. We did have a conversation some time back about where we would live, I suggested a smaller condo, easier to maintain, security etc. He said he wanted to keep this big house as the family home for them to come back to, eventually with their families as this was their home. I understand that. I think he is mulling over these things and 'taking care' of the home. Empty nesting has different responses, I guess.

And yes I was surprised by the sudden change, nothing sinister about that.


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## CatholicDad (Oct 30, 2017)

It feels good as a man to get things done...with years of kid raising behind him it sounds like hubby is catching up on all those fixit jobs that have been hanging over his head. I know I have literally a hundred things I'd like to get done (many I do not share with the wife ) but I still have a 1 year old and toddlers so... Not gonna happen for now.


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## DustyDog (Jul 12, 2016)

aine said:


> My husband has never been handy with his hands around the house, not because he can't but because he was either too busy with work or it was simply easier to pay someone else to do things.
> Now I note a change in his attitude towards the house, he is always fixing things, replacing bulbs, etc. I find it odd behavior cause he never really bothered before.
> 
> Men, what's up with my H?


Like most people, he got bored with life being the same thing every day and is trying something new.

It's a sign of life.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

aine said:


> Not really, I did most of the child rearing but I know he misses them and brings it up and says now it’s only us.


https://youtu.be/Dtz2Ie40-mo


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## Haiku (Apr 9, 2014)

aine said:


> I think you might be right. The kids are gone, will only be back for holidays and as they finish college and start work and will live far away, they wont be back so often. We did have a conversation some time back about where we would live, I suggested a smaller condo, easier to maintain, security etc. He said he wanted to keep this big house as the family home for them to come back to, eventually with their families as this was their home. I understand that. I think he is mulling over these things and 'taking care' of the home. Empty nesting has different responses, I guess.
> 
> And yes I was surprised by the sudden change, nothing sinister about that.


He sounds like a great guy and you seem like a wonderful wife.


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## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

Maybe he procrastinated fixing stuff all of those years because he figured you would do it (maybe you did) and if it wasn't getting done, maybe he just hit his limit with broken stuff.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

In recent years, my man has become more handy ...our home needs it! I've asked him with certain tasks why he's keen to take it on compared to hiring someone. For him, it's partly the feeling of accomplishment and pride in learning something new, tackling a project, and partly to save money - even if it might take longer. I'm with the person who suggested just asking him.


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## Edo Edo (Feb 21, 2017)

heartsbeating said:


> In recent years, my man has become more handy ...our home needs it! I've asked him with certain tasks why he's keen to take it on compared to hiring someone. For him, it's partly the feeling of accomplishment and pride in learning something new, tackling a project, and partly to save money - even if it might take longer. I'm with the person who suggested just asking him.



Us guys can be territorial too. No king wants some "jester" tinkering in his castle unless there's no other option... :wink2:


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

Maybe he is sick of stuff being broken?


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## Violet28 (Oct 4, 2018)

SunCMars said:


> One other maybe'.
> 
> A most unpleasant play-be.
> A sad one, i hope not true.
> ...


This went through my mind too. A guilty mind knows no peace.


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## notmyrealname4 (Apr 9, 2014)

inmyprime said:


> It’s not* sarcasm. *Humour! (I know, it wasn’t funny!)
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk





aine said:


> *The lowest form of wit!*



"....but the highest form of intelligence" _Oscar Wilde_ :grin2:


https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/1284197-sarcasm-is-the-lowest-form-of-wit-but-the-highest



Seriously thought aine, has your husband recently lost a lot of weight, or started exercising more? That can really rev up your energy levels.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Violet28 said:


> This went through my mind too. A guilty mind knows no peace.


Aye...

A guilty mind knows no peace.

............................................

A guilty man knows no peace..

.........................................................................................................................................

A guilty man knows no whole. his mind in pieces, struggling to force his disparate feelings to some better pointed end.
A better end having no bitter reminders.

Reminders are Natures Way, or if one wishes, God's Way of teaching us not to touch the flame.
Not to touch, feel-good.... fleeting immoral fame.
A moment in the flame feels good for a lost man from some cold place, from some cold space.

The flame will do its own bidding, will burn, hurt, leave scars, leave no peace.
Leaving only lasting reminders.




SunCMars- ghost written. 
I, again, puffed up.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

The 'Bob the Builder" phase didn't last long. A pity, I like it when he's all sweaty and flexing those muscles on DIY jobs. 
Ah well


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