# Feeling awfully roomate like lately!!



## OhGeesh (Jan 5, 2010)

I feel like I know all the right answers what to do etc etc, but the WANT is what seems to be missing. My buddy at work would always say "Wait until you get older I used to be just like you!" whenever I would get on him for not having a freakfest with his wife......lol. Now I'm starting to feel the same way ;(

Not really feeling it or wanting to get freaky, hit some tail, for the more sensitive make love.....everything feels so repetitious we've been together over 20 years counting dating. I've always been a bit of a perv, what toy, position, or thing can we try next!! 

I feel like I've done everything the I can't wait feeling is gone. We are still intimate, but I feel like I'm just going through the motions. Kiss here, touch there, faster, slower, shes finished, I'm finished .........luv ya hold go to sleep.

Advice or input appreciated.

**we are still having date night twice a month, tlk, txt, flirt etc **
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Oh, dear. Sounds like you are bored. I don't know -- maybe you should artificially have a period of abstinence so that desire can build back up?

Don't know. Sounds dismal.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Reduce the frequency. Wait until one or the other of you is about to lose their mind with desire. 




OhGeesh said:


> I feel like I know all the right answers what to do etc etc, but the WANT is what seems to be missing. My buddy at work would always say "Wait until you get older I used to be just like you!" whenever I would get on him for not having a freakfest with his wife......lol. Now I'm starting to feel the same way ;(
> 
> Not really feeling it or wanting to get freaky, hit some tail, for the more sensitive make love.....everything feels so repetitious we've been together over 20 years counting dating. I've always been a bit of a perv, what toy, position, or thing can we try next!!
> 
> ...


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## OhGeesh (Jan 5, 2010)

MEM11363 said:


> Reduce the frequency. Wait until one or the other of you is about to lose their mind with desire.



We are still once a week, but the freak isnt there. Like Austin Powers would say "Where my MOJO"
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Once a week and you still aren't into it? Something going on in your brain, honey.


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## OhGeesh (Jan 5, 2010)

I know.......^^^ you already hit it on the head BORED!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LovesHerMan (Jul 28, 2011)

Have you tried different places in the house or outdoors? In the back seat of your car after a date?
Role playing?
I don't care for light bondage, but some like it.
Does she wear sexy lingerie? Do she want you to wear something that turns her on?
Toys?
Meeting at a bar, pretending that you do not know each other?
You could also consider watching porn together, but ONLY if this is acceptable to both of you.


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

OhGeesh said:


> I know.......^^^ you already hit it on the head BORED!!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Is it only your sex life that you are finding boring? If so, what is it about it that is boring - that you've done everything and can't figure out anything new to do, that your wife isn't as in to it? Can you answer ... what would make it better for you? ... and then try and implement that?

What about other areas of your life? Are you engaged and enthusiastic in your job, with your friends, in your home life?

Just trying to see if the sexual boredom is only part of a larger thing. If so, I have found that *forcing* myself to get *out of myself* and focus on helping others (and not focusing so much on my own pity party and issues) usually causes my boredom to go away, and my gratitude about my life to increase.

Best wishes.


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## Trickster (Nov 19, 2011)

lovesherman said:


> Meeting at a bar, pretending that you do not know each other?


We tried this many years ago.... She waited about five minutes before she came to be... It didn't give me enough time to flirt with other women. I want to try it again soon... Maybe Happy Hour or something.

I can understand the "roommate thing" we halso hae 20 years. Zero spice here!


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Two things: Make sure you're spending 15 hours a week doing non-work/house/kids things so that you keep the affection going - take walks, go biking or hiking, work on a jigsaw puzzle, play chess...don't just go to the same restaurant or the same movie theater every week. Surprise her with a day trip or a twosome massage. Think outside the box.

Second, get this book and start using the invitations on each other: Amazon.com: 52 Invitations to Grrreat Sex (9780962962899): Laura Corn: Books.

I guarantee it will change it from boring.


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## LovesHerMan (Jul 28, 2011)

Give each other a massage first.
Take a warm bath or shower together.


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## OhGeesh (Jan 5, 2010)

Enchantment said:


> Is it only your sex life that you are finding boring? If so, what is it about it that is boring - that you've done everything and can't figure out anything new to do, that your wife isn't as in to it? Can you answer ... what would make it better for you? ... and then try and implement that?
> 
> No I can't asnwer that. 20 years, probably 14-18 toys, and tons of communication over the years has allowed us to explore more than most I would say. I'm very cerebral not visual like many guys.....my mind is the one saying "You've done this, you know how she'll respond, been there, etc etc" does that make sense?
> 
> ...





turnera said:


> Two things: Make sure you're spending 15 hours a week doing non-work/house/kids things so that you keep the affection going - take walks, go biking or hiking, work on a jigsaw puzzle, play chess...don't just go to the same restaurant or the same movie theater every week. Surprise her with a day trip or a twosome massage. Think outside the box.
> 
> Yeah we've never really done any of that. I'm pretty weird. Hate massages, hiking blah, my wife says I'm a extremist with a very specific range of likes lol. Freaky Sex used to always be one of those things. I would research constantly that extremeist in me.....now I feel like I have no more to research....lol. We got the best toys $$$ can buy already. We do alot, but it's often the same. Movies, various restaurants, wine on the patio, shopping, parks, etc we have 4 kids so it's pretty busy every day. We are going on a vacation just US two, first one since 2007 that is more than a day, so I'm excited about that.
> 
> ...





lovesherman said:


> Give each other a massage first.
> Take a warm bath or shower together.
> 
> Don't like any of that........lol. Hate massages and I've never been a fan of the bath/shower together......I know that's weird. Again it's the "Wanting, the perversion, the I'm gonna tear that up, hit that, bring out the toys, role play, etc that is missing. It just feel repetitious now. I'm hoping it's phase!!
> ...


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Well, that's not working, is it? 

You're an adult now. Time to stop doing what worked in high school. Treat your marriage with respect and see it as a project. WORK it!


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## OhGeesh (Jan 5, 2010)

turnera said:


> Well, that's not working, is it?
> 
> You're an adult now. Time to stop doing what worked in high school. Treat your marriage with respect and see it as a project. WORK it!


What isn't working? I'm trying if this is what happens as you age so be it......I just miss the MOJO that's all.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Hate massages, hate hiking...

Where the hell is in your posts about what your WIFE likes?


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

I remember another thread of yours sounding near identicle to this one >> 

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/sex-marriage/39391-still-bored-getting-worried-now.html



> home life is great kids, house, wife and I get along awesome never fight etc, just that URGE to BANG is very much diminshed


 When I hear AWESOME, this generally = some passion. Would you say there is passion for your wife ?? I know I said this in the last thread of yours, but what about the emotional connection. My husband's drive is lower than most guys but he is driven by that.... so a high sex drive is not always necessary to want sex all the time, especially as a man gets older, his drive slows down, so this emotional connection is what needs picked up. It can be very powerful. 


You never fight - ever?? I vote for a good *fight* once in a while....and making up vulnerably.... seriously....it has the power to re-ignite the passion sometimes! Don't knock it. Some may say that is crazy.. but when I hear others never fight, I often think they can't possibly be communicating deeply & honestly at every turn.... or they would be hitting some rocks in the road here & there....at least an argument or 2 after so many months! 

Doing something to stir your dopamine levels for your wife...this could give you a jump start to passion.... Maybe that upcoming vacation can be a nice start, fill your ipod with you & her's favorite love songs -can set to fill your hotel room. ...she would be very touched.. We do this for every vacation we take. Dance together. Open a photo album, watch your wedding video together, revisit a necking spot when you were dating...

What did me in ...was 3 yrs ago, making a Movie Maker video of me & my husband.... all the years we've been together, I stayed up all night long , not a wink of sleep scanning our favorite memories side by side....added a sappy love song ....when I played this thing back, It really took me by surprise, I wanted to go back & grab my husband and never let go. It jump started my hormones into a frenzy that just wouldn't quit, it was almost too much - even he would say, it started that morning when he got up. 

I scanned pics of my friends wedding and made her one...she told me her husband cried...(sorry if this is sounding mushy but you need JUST THAT once in a while, feeling that intensity and thankfulness for your spouse)... it brought them closer together -for a time anyway. Just a thought. Something needs aroused ....or you & her are heading for a place of Complacenncy ...Apathy even. 

I'd recommend a book like this to give you some ideas, so long as your hormones are all in good check >> 

 Kosher Adultery: Seduce and Sin with Your Spouse : Books


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

Agree with SA about the emotional aspect of intimacy.

Sounds like you've had a lot of toys, done a lot of things, know how your wife will respond.

So, have you ever looked into increasing the emotional intimacy in your relationship?

Ever looked into or done Tantric aspects of sex?

Ever thought about throwing out all the toys, all the various positions and the sheer 'physicalness' of sex, and tried to focus on the emotional, and even spiritual, aspect of it with your wife?

And, where is your wife in all of this? How is she feeling about it all? Do you talk with her about how you are feeling?

Is the lack of desire for sex in general, for your wife in particular? Do you feel desire for others?

Finally, have you ever gone to the doc and had a complete check-up? Rule out anything physical that could be causing you to have a 'slow down' or a lack of desire?

Best wishes.


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