# Do we really live together as husband and wife?



## iluvgna08 (Sep 8, 2012)

My husband and I have been together for about 8 years now. I moved in with him and his parents at 18.We got married when I was 20 and he was 21. I'm 23 and he's 24 now, I have a 4 year old with another one on the way. We are looking to buy our first house here soon. We've lived in an apartment before for a year in 2009, but as soon as he got a chance to move back to his family's house, he took it. His older brother bought a house for their mother and it happened to be a duplex(top and bottom). My husband wanted to move out of our apartment and move back in with them. I didnt want to. I was happy. He said the bottom floor was going to be finished for us to move in and its just like the apartment. We would have rent with no bills and his mom and dad would pay bills. What was I thinking to believe him? We end up having to stay upstairs till WE could afford carpet and everything for the downstairs, plus we had to take care of the bills, the yearly taxes and insurance on the house. Now his parents travel alot so she usually doesnt stay in one place for very long . So my husband and I have to the WHOLE house to ourselves half the time. (We dont have a front door to the downstairs) its now 2012 and everything downstairs is finish EXCEPT... the kitchen and bathroom. My daughter has her own room and so does me and my husband. We finally bought our first living room set couple weeks ago. Before I got pregnant I was working alot as well as my husband. His mother had made a comment to me that my husband and I cant afford a house right now. I make 11.5 and husband was making 11.5. What does she mean we dont make enough? Since we have bought our first living room set;the house(bottom floor) seems more like a home and it makes me feel more secure. Here's one of my problems. Since his mother left. My husband takes a shower, sleeps and watches TV upstairs plus he eats most of the time...upstairs we dont have a kitchen so its worse. To me its like whats the point of buying furniture, or fixing this place. His excuse for not sleeping in our bed is that it hurts his back. His mom has those pillowtop beds. When i complain to him about sleeping with me, he will sleep with me but sneak upstairs in the middle of the night. My parents are frustrated with him, we also have 2 dogs, that makes it four people we are respondsible for. ugh!!! What can I do to make him understand that im tired of this. How can I find a sollution to this pity problem my husband has?


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## Starstarfish (Apr 19, 2012)

So for two years the downstairs apartment was never finished - what was happening during that period of time? This sounds like his mother pulled a bait and switch - promised you this bottom part of the duplex, then - excepted you to pay all of the bills, while rubbing it in your face that you don't really have the money. 

She is likely right, however, if you make $23,000 a year, combined, you might not be able to afford a house on your own at this point. People who buy houses when it is straining their budget can get in a lot of trouble. 

You need to have a serious conversation with your husband about this whole situation. You aren't his fifteen year old girlfriend anymore, you are his wife, with whom he has had two children, the fact that he'd rather sneak upstairs and sleep in his mother's room than with you is a major red flag. The fact that he'd have sex and then leave anyway, is even worse, I'd consider that majorly disrespectful - if having a different type of mattress is so important, why doesn't he save to buy you one? Or - does your pregnant back hurting not count?

You need to explain that you want your own life, not paying his parents bills and having to share a kitchen and bathroom with his mother forever - and he needs to figure out if he wants to have that happen. And you need to figure out if that's acceptable or not.

And if it isn't - what are you willing to do to see that change?


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## iluvgna08 (Sep 8, 2012)

Well actually it's each of us that make 23000 a year. Her comment made me feel like she doesn't want to let go of him. He's the baby in the family, and he wonders why none of his brothers and sisters take him seriously. My family wants me to get out and just rent, an my husband's family has told him he needs to just buy, and he always listen to them. I do want to buy I just get frustrated with things that go on in the house that wouldn't go on if we were on our own. His mom can't get a job when she is here, she doesn't speak English and she's 59. His dad travels to other states. So his mom is with us most of the time. I mean we take her out she picks out groceries cause she cooks for him everyday. I mean we provide. Now that I'm pregnant I'm off so he's the only one working. She had msde that comment when I wS working . And not pregnant. I just want to know if I'm married to a mommas boy or a guy who is scared?


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## Starstarfish (Apr 19, 2012)

I don't think the two things have to be separate - he might be scared and a momma's boy, he might be scared -because- he's a momma's boy, he's not used to making any decisions on his own.


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## life.is.pain (Aug 28, 2012)

I have been in an almost similar situation with my wife for almost 13 yrs of our marriage her parents always butted into our marriage. They would tell my wife what to do, how to raise my kids, how to spend our money, ehat she could buy and couldn't buy. When we bought our home there they were sticking their noses in my business.

Point is it was and still is my wifes fault for not saying she's already married is an adult and a parent that has her own life to live now. For almost 13 yrs that was our daily arguement that they needed to stay out of our marriage and let us live our own lifes. 

Till this day she still allows it to happen and thats another reason my marriage is already on its last leg. There was no respect to me in my opinion as the man of the house because she listened to them instead of talking to me first as her spouse or taking my thoughts and ideas into consideration.

If i were you i would move out of his parents home and he needs to back you up as his wife. He's not showing you respect as his spouse.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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