# How to meet a man with character



## Hope Shimmers

Since I have just moved to a completely different area of the US (Midwest, university city), I thought I would ask this, as I know no one in the town/city. It's important that I start out on the right foot.

HOW do I meet men who have character? Because I've been divorced for 10 years now and every man I've been involved with seems to have less character than the last one. By that I mean they are self-centered, don't care if they hurt me, do what they want, run away like a petulant child instead of communicating when issues come up, etc.

Where do I meet them? OLD is out -- I want real life, not "screening" someone based on their self-completed profile. Meetup groups are out. Work is probably out because it's usually professional suicide to date a colleague. 

Last week I was in HyVee and struck up a conversation with a man who was trying to find a ripe watermelon. It lasted 15 minutes and was nice. However, at the end of it he told me he was married (no ring). At least he told me. But what am I supposed to do -- hang around the supermarket produce until a single one appears? I don't want the bar scene either.

This is a blank slate for me, for the first time since my divorce, so if you have any advice it would be appreciated.


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## Andy1001

Hope Shimmers said:


> Since I have just moved to a completely different area of the US (Midwest, university city), I thought I would ask this, as I know no one in the town/city. It's important that I start out on the right foot.
> 
> HOW do I meet men who have character? Because I've been divorced for 10 years now and every man I've been involved with seems to have less character than the last one. By that I mean they are self-centered, don't care if they hurt me, do what they want, run away like a petulant child instead of communicating when issues come up, etc.
> 
> Where do I meet them? OLD is out -- I want real life, not "screening" someone based on their self-completed profile. Meetup groups are out. Work is probably out because it's usually professional suicide to date a colleague.
> 
> Last week I was in HyVee and struck up a conversation with a man who was trying to find a ripe watermelon. It lasted 15 minutes and was nice. However, at the end of it he told me he was married (no ring). At least he told me. But what am I supposed to do -- hang around the supermarket produce until a single one appears? I don't want the bar scene either.
> 
> This is a blank slate for me, for the first time since my divorce, so if you have any advice it would be appreciated.


Take up an activity that helps you meet men of the age group/socioeconomic status that you are looking for.
May I suggest golf,if you have never played then book some lessons.If you have played then join a club.


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## farsidejunky

Have you ever tinkered with Meetup?

Sent from my Pixel XL using Tapatalk


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## Hope Shimmers

Andy1001 said:


> Take up an activity that helps you meet men of the age group/socioeconomic status that you are looking for.
> May I suggest golf,if you have never played then book some lessons.If you have played then join a club.


Thank you for the golf suggestion. I have tried it (my ex-husband was a very good amateur who played all the time including tournaments). It doesn't move fast enough for me - just annoys me. 



farsidejunky said:


> Have you ever tinkered with Meetup?
> 
> Sent from my Pixel XL using Tapatalk


Shortly after getting divorced I joined a dating meetup group. I was in my 40's at the time but most people were in their 60's. I also joined a hobby-oriented one for which only three or four people showed up to the meets. Gave up on it.


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## Betrayedone

Meetup is great.......hang in there and approach it with no expectations.......


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## NextTimeAround

I met my 2nd husband through meetup.


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## john117

If you're in a college town that has Hy-Vee... Abandon All Hope All Ye Enter Here  I'm a recovering Hy-Vee parent. Good food but pricy. 

Seriously, tho, college towns have all kinds of cultural and recreational opportunities. Check out the college's offerings for concerts, lectures, and the like. They tend to attract students but also kulturny people too.


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## cc48kel

I would look into meet-ups--- granted there can be creepy guys there too (I received a few e-mails) but it's just nice to do things in groups--you never know!! I like the groups to do something different. You mentioned the grocery store-- yes, single guys need food.. As well as light shopping at Target. I know you work but have you considered a very part-time job at a Home Depot or Lowes? Could be interesting!! And there are men who do volunteer work--might look into that too.


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## SunnyT

Volunteer.


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## Betrayedone

You will find what you want when you are not looking.......stop trying and love will find you......just keep putting yourself out into the world........


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## sokillme

Hope Shimmers said:


> Since I have just moved to a completely different area of the US (Midwest, university city), I thought I would ask this, as I know no one in the town/city. It's important that I start out on the right foot.
> 
> HOW do I meet men who have character? Because I've been divorced for 10 years now and every man I've been involved with seems to have less character than the last one. By that I mean they are self-centered, don't care if they hurt me, do what they want, run away like a petulant child instead of communicating when issues come up, etc.
> 
> Where do I meet them? OLD is out -- I want real life, not "screening" someone based on their self-completed profile. Meetup groups are out. Work is probably out because it's usually professional suicide to date a colleague.
> 
> Last week I was in HyVee and struck up a conversation with a man who was trying to find a ripe watermelon. It lasted 15 minutes and was nice. However, at the end of it he told me he was married (no ring). At least he told me. But what am I supposed to do -- hang around the supermarket produce until a single one appears? I don't want the bar scene either.
> 
> This is a blank slate for me, for the first time since my divorce, so if you have any advice it would be appreciated.


Speaking as someone who often posts about character being the most important thing to have a successful relationship, I have to say I think you are setting yourself up for a harder time by eliminating large potential avenues to meet people. The whole thing is a numbers game so the more people you meet the better chance you have to meed someone who is a good choice. If anything you need to give yourself the most avenues possible. 

First of all dating sites make a tremendous amount of sense because at least you have an idea that you are on the same page as far as some basic likes and dislikes. That way you have a head start. My one friend met and married his wife on E-harmony. They are still going strong years later. He is a man of character. Maybe a paid site will work better as the people on it usually are looking for more serious relationships, but in general why would you not use something that is only going to help you find a good fit? I get it you are going to have bad dates too, but it's like they say about a job hunt. You need to go on like 25 interviews to find the right job. Dating is the same thing. Again numbers. 

Next joining groups where the do things you are interested in makes perfect sense. Again if they are there it means you will at least have ONE starting point to build something on. If it is something you are passionate about then all the better. You can avoid the awkwardness that may prevent you from succeeding at first with someone who could eventually become a great mate to you. 

Finally as someone who met my wife at work, again I am glad we didn't follow your rules. Yes you have to be smart about it and move slow. But part of what told me she had character was I could watch how she behaved in one of the primary roles in her life. Again not sure why you are just writing off a whole avenue of information. If you meet someone just take it slow and be honest about the fact that there is a good possibility that it may not work out, so you both have to be extra careful about that. I say all that assuming it's not against company policy. 

Maybe you can have friends hook you up on blind dates. Not sure how that is much different then internet dating though. Still blind dating. 

Honestly what you are doing is not going to give you a good chance of finding someone because basically the only place you are going to meet people is totally random. You tell me what will have more success, random or designed. Besides that like I said finding someone of character is a kind of a rare thing but it's even more rare if you are only going to have a small pool of people to choose from. You want the broadest pool possible. Then you date for a long while and watch how they are with the little things. If they do the right thing because it's the right thing even when it would be easier not to. How do they treat their friends, parents, job, kids. Pay attention. Learn about yourself as well. What do you need. Can you put up with their things, as everyone has things. Also get into shape if you are not, dress nice and attractive, as you want to maximize your attractiveness to give you more options (frankly I think it's every mate, male and female's responsibility to be the best they can for their partner anyway). The truth is men are attracted to physical beauty first. Yes it's like a game, you need to do things to help yourself. You want options. 

Personally I think if you eliminate any place you could potentially meet a mate you are making a mistake.


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## Hope Shimmers

Thanks, guys. Points taken.

Especially yours, sokillme. It's just that I've tried all those avenues in the past with limited to no success. Still doesn't mean it won't work in the future. I just wanted to do away with the riff raff and keep things straightforward and authentic.

I'll check into meetup again. My true interests are fairly unique and meetup groups don't cover them.... the more common ones haven't really cut it yet but who knows. Maybe I'll make some friends!


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## sokillme

Hope Shimmers said:


> Thanks, guys. Points taken.
> 
> Especially yours, sokillme. It's just that I've tried all those avenues in the past with limited to no success. Still doesn't mean it won't work in the future. I just wanted to do away with the riff raff and keep things straightforward and authentic.
> 
> I'll check into meetup again. My true interests are fairly unique and meetup groups don't cover them.... the more common ones haven't really cut it yet but who knows. Maybe I'll make some friends!


From what I heard the dating sites you pay for give you a better chance because if you are willing to spend money you are not all about just hooking up so to speak. I don't have much experience with that. 

Do you have any hobbies where there are groups you can join? Or anything you are interested in like cooking class or something?


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## uhtred

What are your interests? What are you looking for in a partner? You mentioned "character", but what else. What sorts of things are critical, and what is negotiable? You have to be honest with *yourself* about this so it helps suggest where to look.

You have had bad luck the last 10 years. Where were you looking? How were you selecting men, or were you letting them select you?

You are in a university city. Are there public lectures? If they are on something that interests you, there is a chance to meet someone with similar interests before / after the meeting. 

Just make a habit of chatting with people in general. Standing in line at Starbucks. Sitting on an airplane, whatever. Nothing intrusive, just a quick "hello" and see if they respond with trying to have more conversation, or less. I have probably a 1/3 hit rate of people in situations like that wanting to talk. Some of the conversations have been really interesting. The goal is NOT to "pick up" someone - 99% of the time you will never see them again, but every once in a while you will run into someone with similar interest and can exchange contact info and chat again. 

I've never had someone get angry at me for initiating a conversation. Some will want it to stop, so I do as soon as I pick up on that.


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## Hope Shimmers

uhtred said:


> What are your interests? What are you looking for in a partner? You mentioned "character", but what else. What sorts of things are critical, and what is negotiable? You have to be honest with *yourself* about this so it helps suggest where to look.
> 
> You have had bad luck the last 10 years. Where were you looking? How were you selecting men, or were you letting them select you?
> 
> You are in a university city. Are there public lectures? If they are on something that interests you, there is a chance to meet someone with similar interests before / after the meeting.
> 
> Just make a habit of chatting with people in general. Standing in line at Starbucks. Sitting on an airplane, whatever. Nothing intrusive, just a quick "hello" and see if they respond with trying to have more conversation, or less. I have probably a 1/3 hit rate of people in situations like that wanting to talk. Some of the conversations have been really interesting. The goal is NOT to "pick up" someone - 99% of the time you will never see them again, but every once in a while you will run into someone with similar interest and can exchange contact info and chat again.
> 
> I've never had someone get angry at me for initiating a conversation. Some will want it to stop, so I do as soon as I pick up on that.


But according to your profile, you're married. So why are you initiating conversations?

Sorry, but that kind of thing pisses me off.

Yes of course there are public lectures. And I was faculty at this Big Ten university for thirteen years before I was stupid enough to give it up and move with my now ex-husband. I don't live in the exact Midwest university town, but I live 15 minutes away in a metro area.

As for the University, think The Wave.   Inside college football's coolest new tradition: Iowa Hawkeyes' hospital wave

These are my kids. Where I worked in the hospital back in the 1990s. I can only imagine what some of our kids then would think of that.


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## Hopeful Cynic

Hope Shimmers said:


> But according to your profile, you're married. So why are you initiating conversations?
> 
> Sorry, but that kind of thing pisses me off.


Married people aren't allowed to talk to people? What?

He's just striking up conversations. He didn't say it was only with women he wants to date. Random conversations with all sorts of people are far more interesting than standing in line quiet and bored.

And if you've recently moved to a new area, you should get out there and make new friends, not just look for one perfect guy to marry. You're just as likely to meet a good guy through friends as you are online.

So that is your mission: chat up random people in lineups, join meetups and clubs, volunteer, put yourself out there, make new friends, and network your way to a good relationship.


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## RandomDude

You just have to get lucky really, no way around it. You mentioned meetup is out but you do need to just put yourself out there. You never know who you will meet or even how. It may even be a relationship that you never even thought you'd consider.

If you want real life interaction - which I also think is best, just be approachable. You mentioned you met that married guy that way, but that was just unlucky. You may meet your soulmate the same way, just different time.

Don't lose hope but know it's still ok to do so, you're human. But as long as you don't turtle away there is a chance of finding someone that will literally blow your mind away. Not just in character but chemistry. It happened to me and I'm sure you remember how hopeless I was.

Love is always possible.


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## Diana7

Hope Shimmers said:


> Since I have just moved to a completely different area of the US (Midwest, university city), I thought I would ask this, as I know no one in the town/city. It's important that I start out on the right foot.
> 
> HOW do I meet men who have character? Because I've been divorced for 10 years now and every man I've been involved with seems to have less character than the last one. By that I mean they are self-centered, don't care if they hurt me, do what they want, run away like a petulant child instead of communicating when issues come up, etc.
> 
> Where do I meet them? OLD is out -- I want real life, not "screening" someone based on their self-completed profile. Meetup groups are out. Work is probably out because it's usually professional suicide to date a colleague.
> 
> Last week I was in HyVee and struck up a conversation with a man who was trying to find a ripe watermelon. It lasted 15 minutes and was nice. However, at the end of it he told me he was married (no ring). At least he told me. But what am I supposed to do -- hang around the supermarket produce until a single one appears? I don't want the bar scene either.
> 
> This is a blank slate for me, for the first time since my divorce, so if you have any advice it would be appreciated.


Well I met my man of character via on line dating. BTW it is real life,we met in person in less than a week. We were both previously divorced after long first marriages. 40% of relationships now begin on line. I also
have family members and friends who have met lovely people on line. 


Why are meet up groups out? You can find such groups for anything you are interested in. 

Can you do voluntary work? Good way to meet a caring man. Hobby groups? Sports? Salsa dancing or similar?Maybe join an art class or learn a language. So many opportunities.


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## Ynot

@Hope Shimmers you just have to get out there to meet people. After my ex left. I up and moved away to a city where I knew no one except my daughter and her SO. I told them straight out that I had no intentions of taking over their lived or moving in. So aside from a random breakfast, lunch or dinner with two people I knew, there was no one.

I work at home so meeting someone at work is not feasible. So, OLD and IRL were my only options. I have met and made friends both ways. I have gone thru several cycles of friends. Some are men and some are women. Some are past lovers. I have made friends in both OLD and IRL. Just put your self out there and stop looking for particular types. Look for people who you can be comfortable with and stop looking. They will come to you in good time.


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## WildMustang

I also do not do online dating. Never have. Not to sound like I am bragging, because I am not, but I get asked out by quality men all the time, consistently, several times a week.

I meet men IRL pretty much everywhere I go but I am also a natural conversationalist and love to gab even with strangers, actually, especially with strangers. I love meeting people even if nothing ever develops from the conversations. 

I make eye contact, smile, and initiate conversations with just about anyone and everyone within 5 feet of me, whether male or female. 

I think I come off as super approachable, very friendly, and quite flirty (if I am attracted to a man).

I take good care of my self and present myself well any time I leave the house.

I am frequently approached, chatted up and usually asked out when I go to Home Depot or Lowes, (men are all over that store and are quick to ask me to lunch or dinner or a concert or festival or whatever), when I volunteer for Habitat for Humanity (every single time I have volunteered with them, I get several business cards from quality men who ask me out) or the Boy's and Girl's Club (about half the time), when I go to Barnes and Nobles Bookstore or Books a Million (about half the time) or when I volunteer for outdoor concerts/jam sessions. Also at the Farmer's Market, while horseback riding, while walking the greenway, at the gym (but I won't date men from the gym), you name it. 

The point is, wherever I am, whatever I am doing, I get approached and asked out by quality men. I wonder if it is because I am not "looking" or "hunting" for a man and I give off a vibe that I am content and happy and not desperate to find a man. I am sure my being super friendly and a bit flirty also gives men a strong clue that I am open to being asked out. 

Not saying you are desperate to find a man, but sometimes my gal pals who are "on the hunt" seem to give off that vibe.

My experience is that men like to do the "hunting....kill it...drag it home...eat it." LOL Which is good, because I don't like to "hunt." 

Do you make prolonged eye contact and smile at men you are interested in??? That goes a long way.


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## uhtred

Maybe you misunderstand me. I'm initiating conversations, not flirting or trying to pick them up. I'm talking with men and women. I'm meeting people and occasionally I stay in touch with them later. I like talking to people as a way to pass the time. I've met a guy who designs theme parks in China. A Washington lobbyist. An actress. A guy I might hire. Lots of just interesting people. 

I'm suggesting that you do the same thing in order to widen your circle of friends. The goal is not to immediately find a date, but to become acquaintances with lots of people. The more people you are in contact with, the better the chance that you will end up in contact with someone who is romantically interesting. 







Hope Shimmers said:


> But according to your profile, you're married. So why are you initiating conversations?
> 
> Sorry, but that kind of thing pisses me off.
> 
> Yes of course there are public lectures. And I was faculty at this Big Ten university for thirteen years before I was stupid enough to give it up and move with my now ex-husband. I don't live in the exact Midwest university town, but I live 15 minutes away in a metro area.
> 
> As for the University, think The Wave.   Inside college football's coolest new tradition: Iowa Hawkeyes' hospital wave
> 
> These are my kids. Where I worked in the hospital back in the 1990s. I can only imagine what some of our kids then would think of that.


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## Bananapeel

Hope, if you are in a new place then the easiest way to meet people is through mutual friends, so go out and make some friends. If you don't have many friends yet there's a really easy option that I recently learned about. Go to your Facebook page and click on the events tab on the left hand side. I couldn't believe how much stuff was going on in my own town every day, and there is much more variety than the meetup groups. So just find some things that interest you and go out and enjoy yourself. 

Now as far as meeting men with character, that's a tough one. So many people that have hit middle age have some sort of issues/baggage so it's going to be hard. Plus most of the good ones are already married. I'm in the same boat. I can meet people, date them, and sleep with them but they all have things that make them less than a perfect match. So the best strategy is just expand your social circle because the more people you meet the more likely you'll find someone that's a good match for you and has the character you value.


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## Middle of Everything

Hope Shimmers said:


> But according to your profile, you're married. So why are you initiating conversations?
> 
> Sorry, but that kind of thing pisses me off.
> 
> Yes of course there are public lectures. And I was faculty at this Big Ten university for thirteen years before I was stupid enough to give it up and move with my now ex-husband. I don't live in the exact Midwest university town, but I live 15 minutes away in a metro area.
> 
> As for the University, think The Wave.   Inside college football's coolest new tradition: Iowa Hawkeyes' hospital wave
> 
> These are my kids. Where I worked in the hospital back in the 1990s. I can only imagine what some of our kids then would think of that.


Well I figured out your problem right there. Iowa. Good news is you have Nebraska and a few other states close by to meet guys if you really need to. :wink2:

But seriously others have given good advice. And what are your interests/hobbies? That unique that you cant find friends (or potentially more) through it? And stick with the online dating. Ive never done it but my advice on the profile would be to be completely honest. Hell dont be worried if you come of like a ***** on it. Be yourself and might find someone you really click with.


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## Diana7

Bananapeel said:


> Hope, if you are in a new place then the easiest way to meet people is through mutual friends, so go out and make some friends. If you don't have many friends yet there's a really easy option that I recently learned about. Go to your Facebook page and click on the events tab on the left hand side. I couldn't believe how much stuff was going on in my own town every day, and there is much more variety than the meetup groups. So just find some things that interest you and go out and enjoy yourself.
> 
> Now as far as meeting men with character, that's a tough one. So many people that have hit middle age have some sort of issues/baggage so it's going to be hard. Plus most of the good ones are already married. I'm in the same boat. I can meet people, date them, and sleep with them but they all have things that make them less than a perfect match. So the best strategy is just expand your social circle because the more people you meet the more likely you'll find someone that's a good match for you and has the character you value.


You can be a quality person and still have baggage. Often not baggage of our/their own making. I snapped up my quality man when his marriage had ended. His wife cheated. Not all good men are married but you have to snap them up quickly once they become single, especially as in my case if you want a Christian man. With the numbers of Christian women to men, a good one doesn't stay around for long.


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## Diana7

WildMustang said:


> I also do not do online dating. Never have. Not to sound like I am bragging, because I am not, but I get asked out by quality men all the time, consistently, several times a week.
> 
> I meet men IRL pretty much everywhere I go but I am also a natural conversationalist and love to gab even with strangers, actually, especially with strangers. I love meeting people even if nothing ever develops from the conversations.
> 
> I make eye contact, smile, and initiate conversations with just about anyone and everyone within 5 feet of me, whether male or female.
> 
> I think I come off as super approachable, very friendly, and quite flirty (if I am attracted to a man).
> 
> I take good care of my self and present myself well any time I leave the house.
> 
> I am frequently approached, chatted up and usually asked out when I go to Home Depot or Lowes, (men are all over that store and are quick to ask me to lunch or dinner or a concert or festival or whatever), when I volunteer for Habitat for Humanity (every single time I have volunteered with them, I get several business cards from quality men who ask me out) or the Boy's and Girl's Club (about half the time), when I go to Barnes and Nobles Bookstore or Books a Million (about half the time) or when I volunteer for outdoor concerts/jam sessions. Also at the Farmer's Market, while horseback riding, while walking the greenway, at the gym (but I won't date men from the gym), you name it.
> 
> The point is, wherever I am, whatever I am doing, I get approached and asked out by quality men. I wonder if it is because I am not "looking" or "hunting" for a man and I give off a vibe that I am content and happy and not desperate to find a man. I am sure my being super friendly and a bit flirty also gives men a strong clue that I am open to being asked out.
> 
> Not saying you are desperate to find a man, but sometimes my gal pals who are "on the hunt" seem to give off that vibe.
> 
> My experience is that men like to do the "hunting....kill it...drag it home...eat it." LOL Which is good, because I don't like to "hunt."
> 
> Do you make prolonged eye contact and smile at men you are interested in??? That goes a long way.


I think that a lot of this depends on your personality. I found that online dating was really good for me. I am not the type to stare at men or flirt, especially as many of them are probably either married or have a girlfriend. I find it easier to talk to them on line, read a lot about them, and then meet in person when there is that initial connection. Also I am not sure that men you meet in stores etc would be quality ones. Are they even available. Nearly all the men I see out and about are either married or with a partner/children anyway. 

Also for those who are quite strict about what sort of man they want to meet, getting to know them through a dating site that may be for those who share things that they think are important, in my case my faith, opens the door for you to met people that you never would in person. My husband only lived 40 mins drive away but we would never have met if it hadn't been on line. 

I know so many couples who met this way, its so helpful, but you need to be patient. It took me 2 years to meet my high quality man. Second time round I was VERY VERY fussy and Christians are in a small minority in the UK anyway. Mind you I became friends with others along the way, men and women due to there being a good forum as part of one of the sites.


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## oldshirt

Hope Shimmers said:


> But according to your profile, you're married. So why are you initiating conversations?
> 
> Sorry, but that kind of thing pisses me off.


I think you misunderstood Uhtred. He wasn't hitting on people or picking up chicks. He was just be sociable and talking with people he encounters doing life. 


I believe what he was getting at is the more you interact with people on a normal day doing normal things, the greater your chances of connecting with the ones that will be compatible with.


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## Ursula

Well, if OLD is out, meeting someone at work is out, the bar is out, then I guess yes, hanging around the produce is something you'll have to start doing. Maybe try dairy or the meat department. Are you into books? You might try a bookstore or a coffee shop. Other than that I'm at a loss. I met my current beau doing OLD, and personally think it's the way to go because it ups your chances of actually getting dates and meeting someone. I wish you much luck!


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## pinkdomblog

Your search of finding a man of character is futile. You will waste your entire life doing this but of no avail. I would suggest you to involve yourself with some constructive and social service activities and forget about finding a man. Running after men would only bring hurt to you. Men f character are rare and you may come across them naturally if you involve yourself in good deeds.


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## Bananapeel

Middle of Everything said:


> Well I figured out your problem right there. Iowa. Good news is you have Nebraska and a few other states close by to meet guys if you really need to. :wink2:


I totally agree! Now that Nebraska has Scott Frost there's going to be a massive influx of Midwesterners wanting to become Nebraskans! :smthumbup:


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## Hope Shimmers

Isn't Nebraska part of the Midwest? 

I get what you are saying about Iowa, but Iowa City is a totally different vibe. Very liberal, lots of social/cultural activities, highly educated people. No flannel shirts and muddy overalls and cows. lol

I did misunderstand you uhtred. My apologies. IME, men who come up to me and start a conversation invariably want one thing. Not that I'm all that and a bag of chips. Probably just because I'm there.

This is all very good advice. I won't rule out the OLD thing; it's just that I have had enough bad online dating experiences for about ten lifetimes. I'll handle it differently though. I'm introverted so that's easier for me than asking someone how they cook spaghetti squash in the supermarket.

And I really didn't plan on chasing after anyone in order to get a man. I am just frustrated and hurt because of recent bad experiences and I am now changing my whole living situation so I didn't want to start off on the wrong foot.


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## Middle of Everything

Hope Shimmers said:


> Isn't Nebraska part of the Midwest?
> 
> I get what you are saying about Iowa, but Iowa City is a totally different vibe. Very liberal, lots of social/cultural activities, highly educated people. No flannel shirts and muddy overalls and cows. lol
> 
> .


Just giving you a hard time. More of an athletics rivalry thing. That and bordering states giving each other a hard time. 

Must not originally be from the area then? 

And while I guess Nebraska is technically part of the Midwest, Ive always thought it was too large and vague of an area. Ohio for example is pretty damn far from the panhandle of Nebraska. Hell two time zones away. Yet both are considered Midwest?


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## uhtred

I think that there are a lot of men of character, its just not always easy to recognize them at first. 




pinkdomblog said:


> Your search of finding a man of character is futile. You will waste your entire life doing this but of no avail. I would suggest you to involve yourself with some constructive and social service activities and forget about finding a man. Running after men would only bring hurt to you. Men f character are rare and you may come across them naturally if you involve yourself in good deeds.


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## Diana7

Hope Shimmers said:


> Isn't Nebraska part of the Midwest?
> 
> I get what you are saying about Iowa, but Iowa City is a totally different vibe. Very liberal, lots of social/cultural activities, highly educated people. No flannel shirts and muddy overalls and cows. lol
> 
> I did misunderstand you uhtred. My apologies. IME, men who come up to me and start a conversation invariably want one thing. Not that I'm all that and a bag of chips. Probably just because I'm there.
> 
> This is all very good advice. I won't rule out the OLD thing; it's just that I have had enough bad online dating experiences for about ten lifetimes. I'll handle it differently though. I'm introverted so that's easier for me than asking someone how they cook spaghetti squash in the supermarket.
> 
> And I really didn't plan on chasing after anyone in order to get a man. I am just frustrated and hurt because of recent bad experiences and I am now changing my whole living situation so I didn't want to start off on the wrong foot.


In OLD or any sort of dating you have to accept the good with the bad. Choose a good site, one that isn't free and one that isn't international, far too many scammers. Don't use ones like tinder, they are only for one thing.
I had some bad OLD experiences, that's life, but meeting my now husband made it all well worth it. Its all a learning experience anyway.


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## Ynot

Hope Shimmers said:


> Isn't Nebraska part of the Midwest?
> 
> I get what you are saying about Iowa, but Iowa City is a totally different vibe. Very liberal, lots of social/cultural activities, highly educated people. No flannel shirts and muddy overalls and cows. lol
> 
> I did misunderstand you uhtred. My apologies. IME, men who come up to me and start a conversation invariably want one thing. Not that I'm all that and a bag of chips. Probably just because I'm there.
> 
> This is all very good advice. I won't rule out the OLD thing; it's just that I have had enough bad online dating experiences for about ten lifetimes. I'll handle it differently though. I'm introverted so that's easier for me than asking someone how they cook spaghetti squash in the supermarket.
> 
> And I really didn't plan on chasing after anyone in order to get a man. I am just frustrated and hurt because of recent bad experiences and I am now changing my whole living situation so I didn't want to start off on the wrong foot.


I really think you are thinking about this all wrong. You might have had some OLD experiences that didn't work out. But you still had the experience. Hopefully you learned a little bit about yourself and the world from those experiences. So in the end, none of them were bad (unless you were raped or something like that), they just didn't work out. 
Also, believe it or not, while there are a lot of men who are only interested in having sex, the reality is so are you to a large degree. After all why do men and women date and have relationships. They may want it quicker than you, and you may want it later than them, but that has ALWAYS been the nature of the beast. Almost all the issues that arise in a relationship arise from sexual issues (he/she cheats, incompatible sex drives, disjointed sexual desires, lack of sex etc). I am not saying anyone needs to sleep with every person that crosses their paths. But let's be realistic.
But as others have said, you need to put your self out there. You need to allow your self to be open to opportunities which means you need to allow your self to be vulnerable. Sometimes that involved getting hurt, but just remember for every valley there are two hills. Don't allow the valleys to define you.


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## Elizabeth001

And good character doesn’t necessarily mean automatic good companionship or attraction 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## WildMustang

uhtred said:


> Maybe you misunderstand me. I'm initiating conversations, not flirting or trying to pick them up. I'm talking with men and women. I'm meeting people and occasionally I stay in touch with them later. I like talking to people as a way to pass the time. I've met a guy who designs theme parks in China. A Washington lobbyist. An actress. A guy I might hire. Lots of just interesting people.
> 
> I'm suggesting that you do the same thing in order to widen your circle of friends. The goal is not to immediately find a date, but to become acquaintances with lots of people. The more people you are in contact with, the better the chance that you will end up in contact with someone who is romantically interesting.


Yes, this, exactly this. 
@uhtred you and I are a lot alike in this respect - we find people very interesting and enjoy meeting and talking to all kinds of diverse people with no expectations.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson

Hope Shimmers said:


> But according to your profile, you're married. So why are you initiating conversations?
> 
> Sorry, but that kind of thing pisses me off.
> 
> Yes of course there are public lectures. And I was faculty at this Big Ten university for thirteen years before I was stupid enough to give it up and move with my now ex-husband. I don't live in the exact Midwest university town, but I live 15 minutes away in a metro area.
> 
> As for the University, think The Wave.   Inside college football's coolest new tradition: Iowa Hawkeyes' hospital wave
> 
> These are my kids. Where I worked in the hospital back in the 1990s. I can only imagine what some of our kids then would think of that.


OP Above it appears you're attempting to take Uhtred to task for responding to your request for input and support on your topic, because he's married. 

Can you explain that? To do so in this context seems incongruous to reaching out for information and comments in a TAM style forums. 
😊 unless I missed it where the good Uhtred propositioned you (a little facetious, humor).....


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## uhtred

I think she assumed that by "talking" I meant "flirting", since the original question had to do with finding romantic partners. 

She sounds like a nice woman, but sadly I guess I'm of too good "character" to proposition her.:wink2:

(at least I *am* a "character"). 




Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> OP Above it appears you're attempting to take Uhtred to task for responding to your request for input and support on your topic, because he's married.
> 
> Can you explain that? To do so in this context seems incongruous to reaching out for information and comments in a TAM style forums.
> 😊 unless I missed it where the good Uhtred propositioned you (a little facetious, humor).....


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## 2&out

People who sit and wait for something to happen rarely have anything happen in their lives.


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