# TAM and EA's



## badbane (Jun 9, 2012)

I am curious to know. Given the nature of this site and the people here and what they are here for. Has anyone developed an EA or unhealthy attachment to other members on TAM. I have seen this site save marriages but, I could easily see this site creating a potential stumbling block for the emotionally compromised. So it begs the question. Has anyone ever allowed or found themselves in an EA with another member on this site?


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## CH (May 18, 2010)

There were 2 members who started an affair and got banned recently, forgot who they were. It got pretty bad before the mods stepped in.

I'm pretty sure there have been some crushes or admiration that might have crossed the line a little bit. And I'm pretty sure some full blown affairs happened and both parties just stopped logging in. We're all human.


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## stevehowefan (Apr 3, 2013)

Seems that when I started reading TAM not too long ago, there was a guy who was in communcation with another member here after the dude's wife had cheated on him. Seems like the poster here and his wife were both lawyers. The female TAM member was named something like "Sayjellybeans" or something.


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## brokenhearted118 (Jan 31, 2013)

I love you all! LOL! Just kidding...Seriously, I do feel a bond with many of you in the fact that most of us have faced betrayl/infidelity. There is a commonality that we share (as sad as it is) If that makes it an EA, so be it! I am all in!!


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

This is why if there are PMs with the OS they are short and few.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## daisygirl 41 (Aug 5, 2011)

CH said:


> There were 2 members who started an affair and got banned recently, forgot who they were. It got pretty bad before the mods stepped in.
> 
> I'm pretty sure there have been some crushes or admiration that might have crossed the line a little bit. And I'm pretty sure some full blown affairs happened and both parties just stopped logging in. We're all human.


Really!!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

I've been a member/mod for over 5 years now and have seen it happen several times. Undoubtedly it's happened a lot more than that. Chris posted a sticky about the subject in the General Forum.

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/genera...n/1636-healthy-boundaries-support-forums.html

This question comes up quite a bit here and I always try and chime in. My own wife's EA started over the internet and was completely long distance. They never met, but the damage to the marriage was just as devastating as if he had been across town. Even a "fantasy" relationship can ruin a marriage. Especially one that is already struggling and we have plenty of those here.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

I regularly visit this message board and a couple of others. One of my closest friends I met over 10 years ago from a message board. So I am open to meeting other women but I have decided to keep PMs with any male poster to a minimum. 

Before I came here, I didn't know how serious cyber affairs can be.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

diwali123 said:


> This is why if there are PMs with the OS they are short and few.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I tell my husband about every man I pm with and why. I'm trying to help not pick anyone up. I'm happily married.

Oh and a couple of times the conversation got inappropriate so I just stopped responding. Problem solved.


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

Yep I had a guy trying to get me to call him.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

I had a marriage proposal. LOL. 

I have talked on the phone with some posters male and female over the last year. All the females said their husbands knew about the phone calls and nothing intimate was discussed.

If I wanted a relationship with someone here on TAM I would take it private to my yahoo, hotmail or whatever account and leave TAM alone, but hey, that is what my WS would do, not me.


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## stevehowefan (Apr 3, 2013)

diwali123 said:


> Yep I had a guy trying to get me to call him.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I just wanted to talk about sports. ROR.


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## stevehowefan (Apr 3, 2013)

It's funny, this thread. It reminds me of the jealousy my wife would exhibit when another female contacted me via various social outlets, or vice versa. I never saw the harm in it. After all, I was not doing anything wrong. I've since learned that even small talk can lead to big talk, unintended consequences can lead to problems. Now, IF a female contacts me, I tell my wife. I do it out of respect for her, despite my personal feelings about it. Also, those talks sometimes would take a turn towards bad things and I would have to end them of my own volition. I was once naive, and now I see.


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

It was an Indian guy who asked me about my username. After exchanging four sentences he gave me his phone number. I ignored him and he PM'd me with it three more times. What a psycho.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

I just did my profile yesterday and put my sexual preference as "other" thinking that would prevent weirdos from PMing but now I'm thinking that might backfire. LOL.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## badbane (Jun 9, 2012)

judging by all the responses I figured it would be worse than what I am hearing. I could see how easily a revenge affair or " at least you are here for me" could lead down a slippery slope.


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

I highly doubt if anyone is having one that they are going to openly state it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LetDownNTX (Oct 4, 2012)

diwali123 said:


> I highly doubt if anyone is having one that they are going to openly state it.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:lol::iagree:

Thats exactly what I was thinking.

I have gotten two PM's from different guys who "felt sorry for me" or wanted to "talk" and both gave me their personal email addresses without my asking "just in case".....HA!


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

I have heard of one EA, both parties now banned but don't think it is appropriate to mention names without permission.

From what I gather pictures of their 'bits' were sent to each other.


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## badbane (Jun 9, 2012)

they used tam pm's for that????????


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## Sussieq (Apr 6, 2013)

CH said:


> There were 2 members who started an affair and got banned recently, forgot who they were. It got pretty bad before the mods stepped in.
> 
> I'm pretty sure there have been some crushes or admiration that might have crossed the line a little bit. And I'm pretty sure some full blown affairs happened and both parties just stopped logging in. We're all human.


Unbelievable, really unbelievable. They disclosed it on this site?


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## LetDownNTX (Oct 4, 2012)

badbane said:


> they used tam pm's for that????????


:scratchhead:


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## Sussieq (Apr 6, 2013)

WyshIknew said:


> I have heard of one EA, both parties now banned but don't think it is appropriate to mention names without permission.
> 
> From what I gather pictures of their 'bits' were sent to each other.


I don't get why people send pics of their genitals/breasts. Not that I care who they are, but names can be mentioned because this is a public forum.


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## badbane (Jun 9, 2012)

LetDownNTX said:


> :scratchhead:


Private messages


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## LetDownNTX (Oct 4, 2012)

badbane said:


> Private messages


LOL, I know what it means. I was scratching my head thinking it was crazy to send them that way. I always send my "bits" another way...LMAO Im kidding btw!


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## Thoreau (Nov 12, 2012)

I have had sex with one member of this site. His name is Thoreau. He has a lovely right hand.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Thoreau (Nov 12, 2012)

By the way....is the Black Stallion and the Aussie Angel girl still doing the hibbidy dibbidy?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LetDownNTX (Oct 4, 2012)

Thoreau said:


> By the way....is the Black Stallion and the Aussie Angel girl still doing the hibbidy dibbidy?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


So much for keeping it under wraps I guess..lol


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## Thoreau (Nov 12, 2012)

It wasn't under wraps. They were posting their entire story. Im not aware if they were banned or not....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## workindad (May 7, 2011)

I guess I must be clueless, never even thought about an affair firing up from this forum.

I usually get some interesting things to think about and sometimes a laugh like Rule #1 posted above.


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## LetDownNTX (Oct 4, 2012)

Thoreau said:


> It wasn't under wraps. They were posting their entire story. Im not aware if they were banned or not....
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Ive been around as long as you have *unless you have a different name now* and Ive never heard of them. I must frequent all the wrong places!


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

Those two were both single.
They had both been betrayed by their exes and I think it was sweet that they found each other.


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## Thoreau (Nov 12, 2012)

My name is still thoreau. ..the one and only.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

Affairs can start anywhere. 
Keep in mind there a lot of members who are leaving or have left their marriages so attractions are bound to spring up. If they are divorcing is that seen as a no-no by the powers that be?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Thoreau (Nov 12, 2012)

Wysh....where is the thread? I agree with you. I thought he went down under and havent seen anything lately.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

Thoreau said:


> Wysh....where is the thread? I agree with you. I thought he went down under and havent seen anything lately.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Not sure?

I think the user names were something like dedicated dad and oncehisangel.

These may not be correct so don't quote me.

As I recall their stories her SO left her for somebody else, and his SO just waved goodbye and left on the back of a motorbike never to be seen again leaving him to bring up a child.


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## Thoreau (Nov 12, 2012)

Thats how I remember it. He was supposed to go there a week or so ago. Inquiring minds want to know.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

Ohhhh I was thinking of the recent one. Where both were playing head games and then pounced on anyone that "didn't know the whole story."


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

I've been here almost 2 years and never had an EA with anyone. 

Not even close.


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## Lyris (Mar 29, 2012)

That thread's gone. Don't know what happened, if they broke it off or just decided to keep it more private. It was DedicatedDad and OnceHisAngel. The thread was called, "isn't this unexpected" or something like that. 

Anyway, no EAs or inappropriate PMs to me. I'm feeling a bit unpopular now actually. Where are my weirdos?


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## Lyris (Mar 29, 2012)

Just got a message from my favourite weirdo. Aww, thanks for caring!


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## Coffee Amore (Dec 15, 2011)

Sussieq said:


> Unbelievable, really unbelievable. They disclosed it on this site?


Well all hell broke loose when her husband who was also a member here though not as active as the wife posted that he caught his wife sending pics of herself to the male poster from TAM. Then it turns out the wife and this male poster were having what seemed like an EA. The male poster had pics of his private bits to the man's wife. Ironically the male poster was a BH and the female poster was..well I don't know what she was..she and her husband had engaged in swinging because he was jealous she had a threesome while single but the swinging they did while married had gone really badly. She was really emotionally hurt from the swinging episode. He wanted to repair the marriage, she didn't seem like she wanted to. 

The male poster and the female poster were both very, very active here at one time prior to their ban. I was totally surprised by his ban because he seemed to have a good understanding of boundaries, but oh well...


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## dogman (Jul 24, 2012)

LanieB said:


> When Badbane first posted this thread, I laughed because I thought, "Who's gonna tell on themselves for having an EA on a marriage forum?"!!!! (At the time I was imagining the sound of crickets and not a single response to this thread!) Then I come back a few hours later and there are all these posts! Ha! But not a post from anyone currently on this forum who is having an EA - thank goodness.
> 
> I do remember both of those other couples though. Now I don't see their threads anywhere. Had actually forgotten about them.


All kidding aside, isn't it natural for the people involved in an EA to not recognize it as such? To be in denial, even though they know the nature of an EA? Then if they do acknowledge the EA they deny its affect on their marriages. It's kind of tricky that way. 

Like an alcoholic.....
I'm not an alcoholic
It's just fun once in a while
I can stop whenever I want
I just do it to relax

Hmmm, ok, I'm an alcoholic but it doesn't affect my life! Ha!
Etc, etc...


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

All the females on TAM seem to be the sane type.

Therefore, none of them would be able to stomach the likes of me. EA or otherwise.


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## SomedayDig (Jul 17, 2012)

sinnister said:


> All the females on TAM seem to be the sane type.


:lol::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:

All?




(I do get the gist of your comment though! LOL)


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

LetDownNTX said:


> :lol::iagree:
> 
> Thats exactly what I was thinking.
> 
> I have gotten two PM's from different guys who "felt sorry for me" or wanted to "talk" and both gave me their personal email addresses without my asking "just in case".....HA!


To all members. The PM system has a report function just as posts do. Please report any suspicious PMs. Predators, trawlers and lurker-jerkers will be dealt with quickly. Thanks.


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## spidersab*ch (Nov 26, 2012)

stevehowefan said:


> Seems that when I started reading TAM not too long ago, there was a guy who was in communcation with another member here after the dude's wife had cheated on him. Seems like the poster here and his wife were both lawyers. The female TAM member was named something like "Sayjellybeans" or something.


That guy is my hero. 
~S


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## In_The_Wind (Feb 17, 2012)

I do know at one time AR and Amp had something going


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## strugglinghusband (Nov 9, 2011)

In_The_Wind said:


> I do know at one time AR and Amp had something going


Shhh, still do, I read it on the bathroom wall, just like the internet it has to be true.


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## In_The_Wind (Feb 17, 2012)

Bonjour


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

If I was looking for a new partner, the last place I would be looking is in a relationship support forum.


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## Ovid (Oct 11, 2012)

Lyris said:


> That thread's gone. Don't know what happened, if they broke it off or just decided to keep it more private. It was DedicatedDad and OnceHisAngel. The thread was called, "isn't this unexpected" or something like that.
> 
> Anyway, no EAs or inappropriate PMs to me. I'm feeling a bit unpopular now actually. Where are my weirdos?


Insert inappropriate comment here.

Feel better 

Oh wait... That should have been a PM.

------------------------------------------------------------

In all seriousness I've PMd men and women her and offered any help/advice I could give. My goal here is to help people going through a hard time and pay back what I've learned by reading from the posts here. I can't imagine a more destructive action than starting an EA on TAM with someone that is reeling from the effects of an A and would never want to be the one to do it. I believe most of us feel that way, and have a good enough understanding of As to avoid it. That being said, some of the people here are here because of self control issues, so it's bound to happen once in awhile.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Amplexor said:


> To all members. The PM system has a report function just as posts do. Please report any suspicious PMs. Predators, trawlers and lurker-jerkers will be dealt with quickly. Thanks.


:iagree:
I speak from experience. A couple people have PM'd me and their messages made my skin crawl...so, I reported them to the mods. Think I actually just sent a message saying "hey, this guy sent me a PM, trying to hook up. It made me uncomfortable."...and they took care of it.


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## AMU (Jul 19, 2012)

spidersab*ch said:


> That guy is my hero.
> ~S


Can't imagine why? Perhaps because Harken Banks and Spidersab*ch are one and the same?


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## ScubaSteve61 (Mar 20, 2012)

diwali123 said:


> I just did my profile yesterday and put my sexual preference as "other" thinking that would prevent weirdos from PMing but now I'm thinking that might backfire. LOL.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


PM sent.


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## NatureDave (Feb 19, 2013)

Another marriage website with active forums has disabled the personal message feature just for that reason. 

Too easy to start up an EA when sharing such personal and emotional details about each other.


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## spidersab*ch (Nov 26, 2012)

AMU said:


> Can't imagine why? Perhaps because Harken Banks and Spidersab*ch are one and the same?


Not the same. More like alter egos. And there was some sarcasm in that post. That Harken Banks guy is a bit of a chump.


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## GTdad (Aug 15, 2011)

Arbitrator and I met for lunch recently, but We're Just Friends.


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## ScubaSteve61 (Mar 20, 2012)

GTdad said:


> Arbitrator and I met for lunch recently, but We're Just Friends.


And I'm sure you just "kissed once", didn't you? :rofl::lol:


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## LovesHerMan (Jul 28, 2011)

GTdad said:


> Arbitrator and I met for lunch recently, but We're Just Friends.


Watch out for that slippery slope, GT! You two are emotionally vulnerable, and who knows what this will lead to. Everything in Texas is bigger, right?


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## GTdad (Aug 15, 2011)

lovesherman said:


> Watch out for that slippery slope, GT! You two are emotionally vulnerable, and who knows what this will lead to. Everything in Texas is bigger, right?


Especially hair and belt buckles.

You know, when I posted that, I thought it may have been a mistake. I Should Have Listened To My Gut.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Because of a rather lengthy divorce process, I've been here on TAM for a little better than a year now. I'll be the first to say that I have developed many fast friendships with folks that are going through virtually the same thing that I am; people who have cheated and lived to tell about it, bareing their heart and soul to teach me things that I didn't know; people of other political climates other than my own; et. al., but people, nonetheless that I am proud to call my friends.

I have not, in the least, been attracted enough to anyone to get romantically involved or even attached, but I have been fortunate to have met three other TAM'ers, and they are all grand people.

In my perception, TAM is a help-line and definitely not a dating service. Now that's not to say that if two people were to "click" on here, that it couldn't work. It could. But for my edification, I respect TAM more for it's ability in allowing others to emotionally assist me in my problem areas, just as I can offer them assistance in theirs. Nothing more!


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## In_The_Wind (Feb 17, 2012)

Maricha75 said:


> :iagree:
> I speak from experience. A couple people have PM'd me and their messages made my skin crawl...so, I reported them to the mods. Think I actually just sent a message saying "hey, this guy sent me a PM, trying to hook up. It made me uncomfortable."...and they took care of it.


Sorry m will not do it again


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

ScubaSteve61 said:


> And I'm sure you just "kissed once", didn't you? :rofl::lol:


Trust me, Steve! GT's a great guy and all,(and no offense, GT) but I just don't think that I could eat a 5 lb. bag of cocaine and still make him look good enough for me to kiss!

And, God only knows, I would hope that he feels the same way!


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## GTdad (Aug 15, 2011)

arbitrator said:


> Trust me, Steve! GT's a great guy and all,(and no offense, GT) but I just don't think that I could eat a 5 lb. bag of cocaine and still make him look good enough for me to kiss!
> 
> And, God only knows, I would hope that he feels the same way!


I gotta admit, I did a little recoil at Steve's post. That's when I was pretty sure that I should have kept my mouth shut.

But at least my dog thinks I'm one handsome fellow.


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

Scubasteve I'm still waiting for my PM. 

I just want one person to ask me what "other" means. And seriously why is that even an option? 

Im having an affair with my car.


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## ScubaSteve61 (Mar 20, 2012)

diwali123 said:


> Scubasteve I'm still waiting for my PM.
> 
> I just want one person to ask me what "other" means. And seriously why is that even an option?
> 
> Im having an affair with my car.


Well if you ever read the Weekly World News, "other" would definitely be a possiblity!

I'm just remembering headlines like "I am having Bigfoot's baby!" :rofl:


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## messeduplady (May 31, 2012)

In_The_Wind said:


> I do know at one time AR and Amp had something going


Surely everyone loves AR??? Or at least that scrummy turtlethingy!!!!!!!:rofl:


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

In_The_Wind said:


> I do know at one time AR and Amp had something going



what do you mean "had"? did he say something to you?!


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

messeduplady said:


> Surely everyone loves AR??? Or at least that scrummy turtlethingy!!!!!!!:rofl:



don't play with my turtle in public please


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

Only I would do this. Someone posted they live in the same state as me so I PM him asking if he lives in my area. I don't know why but somehow picturing the ridiculous actions of his ex in this area is funnier. 
Anyway he answers no he lives in a different state. Hmmmmm that's odd. 
Turns out I PM'd the wrong person. 
Dur.
Even if I wanted to come on to someone I'd probably screw it up. Lol.


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

Almostrecovered said:


> what do you mean "had"? did he say something to you?!












Niagara Falls trip. November 2012. That's when it all started to unravel. Sigh!


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## Grayson (Oct 28, 2010)

Amplexor said:


> Niagara Falls trip. November 2012. That's when it all started to unravel. Sigh!


Niagara Falls!!
Sloooowly I turned...step by step...inch by inch....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

There were two here who are now an item. We have PM'd over the last year. And I think the two of them are sweet folks. And I hope the best for them. They met here on TAM. The relationship is above board. I won't reveal who they are even though inquiring minds would like to know.


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## Subi (Apr 4, 2012)

I cannot imagine a better place to find a soulmate than on TAM. Actually what they need to do is create a sub page for dating. If anyone is interested in knowing someone they would stick their details on there. Am saying this because people do come across as totally honest. Am slightly surprised that people would find it strange if two single people met on here. I actually think there is something really cute and romantic about it. The ones that are trying to be selfish by wanting to prey on the vulnerable should be named and shamed. I mean why not???
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Thoreau (Nov 12, 2012)

DD and OHA.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Subi said:


> I cannot imagine a better place to find a soulmate than on TAM. Actually what they need to do is create a sub page for dating. If anyone is interested in knowing someone they would stick their details on there. Am saying this because people do come across as totally honest. Am slightly surprised that people would find it strange if two single people met on here. I actually think there is something really cute and romantic about it. The ones that are trying to be selfish by wanting to prey on the vulnerable should be named and shamed. I mean why not???
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Those who are single, whether newly divorced/separated or never been married, tend to say so up front. The problem with your idea is that we will get the parasite influx we are trying to avoid. While it's perfectly fine for singles to hook up with each other, it is NOT ok for a single person to latch onto a vulnerable betrayed spouse, or a wayward who is trying to reconcile with his/her spouse. And, in having a "dating forum" on here, there is always that chance that one will go there, out of curiosity, and start down that road... again. So, no, a dating sub-forum here is NOT a good idea. Too many variables to consider with that.


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## SomedayDig (Jul 17, 2012)

Subi said:


> I cannot imagine a better place to find a soulmate than on TAM. Actually what they need to do is create a sub page for dating. If anyone is interested in knowing someone they would stick their details on there. Am saying this because people do come across as totally honest. Am slightly surprised that people would find it strange if two single people met on here. I actually think there is something really cute and romantic about it. The ones that are trying to be selfish by wanting to prey on the vulnerable should be named and shamed. I mean why not???
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


LOL. It's called the Social Spot.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

SomedayDig said:


> LOL. It's called the Social Spot.


Hey now! Not all of us in social are looking for dates.


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