# Need Advice - Wife not that into sex but think she is curious



## hubby (Aug 10, 2009)

Hey all. Just joined the forum, looks like there are a lot of folks on here with different POVs and experience. That is what I am looking for. 

A little history, wife (32) and I (33) have been married for 11 years. We have three wonderful boys (7, 4, 1). Our marriage has had its good and bad, like any other one. Sex has always been a difficult issue. Most of our married life has been sexless. We have had brief moments where our SL picked up, but never consistently. That all changed earlier this year when I laid out all my feelings and we set our expectations. Well, things have gotten a lot better, we ML about once or twice a week. I could certainly have it every night if I could and she could probably go without or so I thought. 

Recently she has really been into the whole Twilight thing and she is awake to wee hours in the morning on twilight related threads and reading amateur "fan fiction." I am really glad she has this outlet and I think it gives her an escape from the day to day stress and monotony. She always brings up the stories she reads and the threads she is on, nothing very specific tough. 

The other night we were on a date and I thought we could talk a little more about it, I know how much she likes the stuff. Well, I really did not get much detail about it, no biggie but it did really peak my interest. I know it is a bunch of ladies fantasizing about romantic stuff, vampires, Edward, and even thought they might be talking a little naughty. That was what I was trying to bring out but it never came out. I got so curious that I went onto the sight she goes to and I immediately guessed her screen name. Wow, she is like a different person, really turned me on. It could also be all the talk about sex they had going on. You would think that these gals were completely sex starved, horny wives who were ready to pounce on the next guy who walked in the door. Not much different than what you would expect us guys to be talking about, but it was the furthest thing I would think that my own wife would do. I mean anything other than missionary is just too wild for her. And she knows I am as horny as they come. 

I could not help but lurk around a little more; it was so sexy and made me so curious. Turns out they share advice on sex positions, share links to naked guys and talk about what they would do to them. Again, not going to set a double standard b/c guys would say the same thing. The thing is that my wife used to really get on me if I looked at porn... turns out she has been looking at porn herself and she bought a waterproof rabbit (dildo). I was about to explode with excitement and a bit of anger it may seem. How could she stay up late at night, say that she does not want to have sex with me b/c she is tired, does not feel like it, etc... when she is waiting till after I go to sleep to complain how she does not get enough sex, variety, foreplay. You would think it was me posting on there! Then, I see that she is looking at naked pictures of ripped guys and their wangs, when she has a guy with a six pack at home who worked his ass of in the gym the last 8 months getting as ripped as these guys. Now I am not jealous, much...I am just a little confused. She HATES it whenever I look at porn.

So what do you think I should do? Part of me thinks this is just an online fantasy world for her, fine, that's great. But she bought a dildo (she does not know I know this) and she is looking at other guys, I know how she feels about that. This is all good stuff I think, she may be starting to open up sexually, just a bit strange to me. I think what I might need to do is kick it up a notch in the bedroom; throw a few curve balls and see if she swings. Thing is that I have talked about taking care of her orally and she did not want it. All the other girls I had ever been with I never had to ask permission, let alone get rejected to use a little tongue. I guess time will tell, it is just too strange.


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## Sensitive (Mar 29, 2009)

And I thought Twilight was for the teenagers! Sex by yourself is totally different than sex with your spouse, in my opinion. If I were you, I would worry about the online affairs that your wife is forming. It sounds like cybersexing to me, and that is cheating. Now the problem you have created is how are you going to approach the problem since you breached her privacy by snooping at what she is doing online?


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## GAsoccerman (Mar 24, 2008)

If it were me... I would buy my wife a nice little vampire outfit...for both of you. Then one night have her dress up, Light some candles....and have a "scene" together.

Role playing can be alot of fun and very stimulating.

If it opens a new world for her, join in and have fun with it, instead of her looking else where.

If you can do it as a couple, it can be grand, If you let her fly solo...then as sensitive says...it can end in a EA or something worse.


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

GAsoccerman said:


> If it were me... I would buy my wife a nice little vampire outfit...for both of you. Then one night have her dress up, Light some candles....and have a "scene" together.
> 
> Role playing can be alot of fun and very stimulating.
> 
> ...


dont forget the fangs!!!!!:rofl:


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## DownButNotOut (Apr 9, 2009)

You're already "spying" on her. Why not try to see if she's all talk? Take a few of her posts, and on your next date night give her what she is fantasizing about. Be her 'Edward'. See if she responds to what she say she wants. btw...have you read Twilight? If that type of story turns her on, maybe you should give it a read.

Or confront her. Apologize for snooping at her online life, and see if she will go along with you adding some of the spice that she is getting from her forum.


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

you could join the sight anonymously and "play" with her for awhile, then reveal it was you and go at it for real


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## hubby (Aug 10, 2009)

No worries about cheating here. There are only girlies on that site chatting it up. No biggie. Kind of turns me on though as they tease each other about licking kitties. One of her posts cracks me up. It is on a twilight spin off and the cast is all tatted up. One of the other gals posted up a picture of a semi nude guy with a bunch of tats (she hates tats BTW). She posts in response "jeeeessssuuuss... he can sin with me anytime". He had the word "sinner" tatted on his lower abs.

Like I said, kind of turns me on. 

I actually sort of called her on it last night, in passive sort of way. We had been talking about a friend of hers that had a sexual imbalance in her marriage, but with her, her friend (wife) was the higher sex drive partner. I brought it up and said I always thought that it was the man who was typically higher sexed. I made sure she knew that I thought I had a very high sex drive (like I had an animal caged up inside) and that she had a very low sex drive. I wanted to make sure she know I would love to tear her apart...lovingly ) 

She responded that some people just don't have an O and that is a bit frustrating not getting one. She mentioned that she tried a lot by herself, implying that she was not able to. I listened with empathy. I wanted her to know that I was open to ANYTHING she wanted to try and help her. I told her quite a few times that I know it is very hard for women to O just through intercourse and that a bit of foreplay, some handy work and a lot of tongue are sometimes needed. I told her that I would love to treat her to a nice long first course. Guess she is not up for that yet. Told her I though most women love receiving oral.

This whole thing had me up in sweats last night, along with the UST (Unfulfilled Sexual Tension). I even went back in the living room after trying to fall asleep for 2 hours to go talk to her, maybe get her while she was reading/chatting and catch her in the mood. That did not work. 

FYI, we don't sleep together, she sleeps on the couch, her choice of course. 

More later. Time to hit the gym and get all put all that UST and pent up testosterone to work!


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## hitched4ever (Aug 3, 2009)

If you ML twice a week that puts you in the 'normal' category for married couples. Dont feel too badly. 

But that doesn't address the satisfaction and happiness of your wife.

It seems, only based upon your description, that your wife may have some sexual hangups or internal issues that do not allow her to O or enjoy certain REAL activities. I speculate that her fantsasy games, among other things, may be a way of exploring thoughts without having to act upon them. But thats a guess.

At any rate, any deep inner feeling of inhibition will always stand in the way of her being able to truly 'get into' and enjoy real sex. Unless she feels a need to explore this within herself it will be difficult for you (if not impossible) to change her.
You can only give her loving affection. 

Her inability to achieve the O is no doubt a source of frustration and sometimes can lead one to avoid sex nearly completely. 
My wife has a friend that has never had an O....alone or with a man. She has decided that she would just as soon never have sex...ever. It has become meaningless to her. She claims she has no interest in it whatsoever. Luckily for her, her current hubby has a health issue that doesn't allow him to function normally so any sexual contact between them is rare. I feel very sorry for both of them really. She seems to be highly focused on superficial things, shopping etc and other nonsense. I suspect these things are substitutes for the void left by having no real intimacy. 

Do you think she would be willing to see a sex therapist or similar?
Does she express a desire to learn more about herself?
Obviously any pressure from you would serve only to make things worse.


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## hubby (Aug 10, 2009)

A therapist is out of the question. When things got bad and I was ready to leave, she still would not go see a marriage therapist, let alone a sex therapist. Not going to happen.

I think she is willing to learn more about herself, I see she is looking into different positions, toys, costumes. Nothing has been used but I think she is thinking about it. 

I think we really need to talk one on one, in a non threatening and supportive way, but that is very difficult without putting up walls. 

I am not sure if she has ever had an O really, not even through masturbation. However, we used to have sex all the time when we were dating and it was a lot more adventurous, but we had nothing else to worry about, or do for that matter. Life does not allow for that now.

As for the current state of things, well last time was 10 days ago, it probably averages more like 1X a week. She always initiates, I never ask. It is always in the same place and it is usually when the kids are awake playing so it needs to be a quick thing. Not time for foreplay. I am sure she plans it that way so that we do have to be quick and she has an excuse for me not to try and help her along. So there is no chance she can O in this situation, probably not even a gal who can O easily. She is afraid to try. She says she can probably do without sex but that she knows it makes me happy and helps us feel closer so she makes it a priority. More like a check the box sort of thing though.

I really think if we were able to get away for a while and had a lot of time, patience and just had plain old fun with it, no inhibitions, we might get somewhere. I mean, are there many women out there that would not be able to O with some kinky talk, lots of tongue action and manual stimulation for as long as it takes? Maybe so, but we have not tried it yet and I am certainly game.


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## hubby (Aug 10, 2009)

Ok, so I am really getting obsessed now. I just need to let go.

I have another little nugget of information here. Is anyone a fan of Twilight? Well, turns out that my wife is absolutely Ape Sh*t over Edward. He is the hottest thing that has ever graced this earth. Of course this is in fantasy land, but Freud might have a thing or two to say. The problem is that I am Jacob in her eyes. Just a little synopsis for those who don't know much here (and I know very little):

Edward - Vampire, very possessive, brooding, emotional, volatile, quite, dark, protective... did I say protective. Bella's lover.

Jacob - Werewolf, fun loving, care free, the "sun", competitive, strong, happy-go-lucky, the eternal optimist, leader. Bella's friend.

I really do see myself as Jacob too. In my wife's eyes, I lack the jealousy, internal fire, passion, and protectiveness that she finds extremely attractive. I see this all over her posts but she has mentioned it to me too. 

Now you really do have to separate real life from fantasy, but there is room for both. Do I think my wife would ever marry Edward, no way, too dangerous and unstable. That is why she married me, predictable, confident, funny and happy... can you say booring... especially for a romantic spouse.

But, I want to be her Edward sometimes. Suggestions without being to overt or corny?


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## Gomez (Jun 5, 2009)

My wife read all the twilight books too, but I didn't read any of them. We went to see the movie together, but thats all I know about Twilight. Oh and all kinds of girls are ape sheit about it. My wife liked the stories, but never took it past reading the books.

I can tell your excited to find this side of your wife, that she has a side that desires sexual encounters. I would be honest with her about your knowledge of what shes doing and how great you think it is and how you want in on her little fantasy. I definately think you need to sent the kids to grandmas and make a night of letting her pilot around the web and you just look over her shoulder. Let her get herself all worked up then convince her to let you try your magic on her.

Every time I let my wife pick the porn it suprises me what we end up on. Try asking your wife if she wants to do that just to see what she picks.

Definately set aside some time to indulge your wife just the 2 of you. Having 3 kids (11, 4, 2) I know how hard it can be, but it is very important. Dont settle for once a week.


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## UnknownOnPurpose (Aug 10, 2009)

Wow, Hubby, your situation sounds much like mine, except that she has no online alter-ego that i know of. 

But her lack of desire for sex with you is what we mostly have in common. I am beginning to think that my wife just either isn't attracted to me or maybe never was. Not to be a downer on the progress you seem to have made, but have you thought about that? If so, have you done anything about it?


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## hubby (Aug 10, 2009)

Good advise. I would love to role play into her fantasy and see if I could heat her up. I will see what I can talk her into. 

The only part that really gets me steamed is that her main excuse for us not havibg the opportunity to "connect" is lack of time. Yet she can stay awake till the we hours in the morning living a fantasy when she could spenf that same time on the real thing. I mean if I can't finish in less than 20 mins or so I basically get kicked out to finish myself. We obviously could make more time for eachother but it would appear she prefers something else... bangs head against the wall.


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## hubby (Aug 10, 2009)

Yeah. I thought of that and also wondered if she preferred the ladies as well. 

I had a break down (marriage wise) the beg of this year, laid it all on the table and things just did not seem change. So I said I would just prepare myself, physically and mentally, for divorse. Started taking extra care of my physique and my appearance and hung out with my friends more. I made sure she knew when other girls noticed me and even lightly flirted with other girls in front of her. This all must have made her jeleous and intrigued as that was when the sex picked back up. 

Fast forward eight months and I am in the best shape of my life and I make sure she sees it. 

As far as her attraction, I think the lack may be more on the personality side somewhere. Maybe it is physical as well, who knows. Not much more I can really do. 

I am going to call her out on the "life is to hectic" and "not enough time" excuse. I figure she spends about 40X more time on "TwiPorn" than with having it with me. I am going to ask her point blank why we don't have sex more often and why we are always so rushed...time will not be the right answer.


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## Gomez (Jun 5, 2009)

I think you should take you wife with you to work out. My wife and I work out together. Its great to be going through it together.

Time is the most important gift you can give someone.

Remember too that ladies talk just to discuss things, men talk to seek solutions. Work some solutions slowly into a discussion without pressure to accept any one, just let her know your opinion on which you would prefer, and give some reasons. Let her talk about what she wants and listen to her opinions and then see if there can be a compromise that make you both happier.

Just so you know you have about the least serious problem of anyone else on this forum. Its just nice to hear about a situation that is good and can be made better than bad and getting worse like some others.


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## hubby (Aug 10, 2009)

Thanks again for the advice and reality check. Yeah, this is not much of a big problem, just looking for alternative ways to handle the situation.

Last night we had a big talk about sex. A few things that came out of it:

-I found out that she is a sexual person, maybe not as much as I am but she does have fantasies. 
-I asked that she share those fantasies when she is ready and that I want to try to fulfill her every need.
-I suggested we try a few specific things when she is ready (oral, etc). No pressure.
-I found out that she has had an O and she can have them. She never had them during intercourse (that much I figured). I told her that I did not think many women did and that most prefer clit stimulation to actual intercourse for purposes of having an O. She agreed.
-I told her that I would prefer to have sex more often. It does not always have intercourse, we need more variety.
-I first asked why she thought we did not have it more often. First she responded that she did not think I would want it every day (I could have it multiple times a day if I could). She then said the main reason is we do not have time. I then asked if some of the time spent reading and chatting about Twilight and Edward Cullins may be better spent together as a couple. I made sure she knew that I was really excited that she found Twilight and was so passionate about it. That I get a kick out of her infatuation for Edward's character and I wanted her to continue to explore that side of her. But, lack of time should no longer be an excuse for us.
-Another reason why we did not have sex more often is that it leaves her sexually frustrated (no O) and starts to get painful after a while of going at it.
-Then I got EMO on her and told her that I would really like to spend time just cuddling/holding each other each night in bed before we go to sleep (noting sexual, just intimate). She still wants to sleep on the couch after I fall asleep though.

All in all it was good. Got a BJ after the talk and I think we both took it in well. At least communication continues to open between us in this area. I think she is still holding something back though. Time will tell.

PS - I am still really jealous of Edward Cullins. I have never been jealous of anyone else in real life, even when we are just being playful and she might flirt with another guy (I think that is a little sexy). But now this fictional character is driving me mad. How silly is that.


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## DownButNotOut (Apr 9, 2009)

I asked early in the thread, but I think it was lost.

Have you read Twilight? Do you know anything more about Edward than what you listed? How he acts around Bella? What Bella sees in him? How he makes her feel? If she wants an Edward...give her one. At least a taste of one.

You listed:
Edward - Vampire, very possessive, brooding, emotional, volatile, quite, dark, protective... did I say protective. Bella's lover.

If you want to be her Edward, even just in roleplay, then read Twilight, not just her fan-fiction forums. Get inside Bella's head, and see him the way she sees him. Mystery, Confidence, Decisiveness, and raw suppressed Power. Those are Edward's traits. These stories aren't about Vampires, or werewolves. That is just the surface fluff symbolizing archetypes.


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## hubby (Aug 10, 2009)

So strange you mention Edward like that. I was looking into him today and reading up on why he makes girls crazy. When you look at his basic traits and how he treats and feels about Bella it makes perfect sense! So, sort of as a loving gesture, to try and clarify our conversation last night, and a little bit to role play I wrote her a letter. I am going to leave work early today, get some nice red roses and give them to her with this letter. I am going to drop it off, give her a kiss and go back out (I need to do some grocery shopping). Anyway, I am leaving now so wont be able to get feedback from you guys before I leave but here it is anyway. BTW, the more I started writing sharring my real feelings but just empasizing it the way Edward would, the more I felt my real feelings come through and how true these words really mean and how much more I need to share them with my wife. I am sure it is going to sound really sappy to most, but it is how I feel:

My XXXXX,
First, sorry this is typed but you know my spelling and handwriting are atrocious. I wanted to thank you for listening to me last night, and your patience. I am sorry that the words did not come out right and that I lacked tact, I am learning. It is my uncontrollable urge to deepen our intimacy that makes my brain not function right sometimes. My goal in life is for you to be happy, that is want I want… what I need. I want you to know how deeply and madly in love I am with you. I know I don’t show it nearly as much as I feel it, and it may even seem otherwise based on my behavior. I think about you all the time, probably too much. I want you to want me as much as I want you. I want to know what you want, what you wish for, what you hope for. I know we still have so much to learn about each other. I may be an open book for you, I don’t know, but I know there is so much more to you. 

I got the feeling that you are holding something back from me. Please know that you are completely safe with me, anything you want to share with me, I am here for you, whenever. I know that I have tested your trust in me with some of the things I have done, and I will forever regret and agonize over some of the things I did to you ***bangs head against the wall***. All I ask is that you give me another chance to show you that I will not hurt you; that is the last thing in the world I ever want to do. 

As far as what we talked about last night, my main purpose was to try and get us closer and more open with each other. I have a lot of internal struggles that I fight trying to figure out how to communicate all of this stuff inside (BTW, I know this whole letter is probably coming out like I am being an EMO *****; OK I can be one sometimes, but it needs to be said). I want to be the place that you can come to and know you are safe… the place you can escape to. Life can get hectic and life gets in the way, but I am here, anytime, anywhere… for you. While I find you incredibly sexy and I can barely restrain myself when I am around you, I never want to pressure you to do anything you do want to do. I made that mistake already and I will not do it again. Please don’t take my “requests” the wrong way. Like I said, it is really hard for me to know what your boundaries are and how much I can let myself go, so I end up pulling back too much in many respects. Then, in order to suppress my pent up feelings, I try to find ways to distract myself, which only further pushes you away. I am working on this. My biggest struggle in life is balance; you know that, I know that. You are my ultimate obsession and I am afraid to let myself go. 

Again, sorry for the emotional vomit, re-reading it now it seems I am not improving my communications skills ***stay on point XXXXX*** I love you and my heart is forever yours.

XXXXX


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## hubby (Aug 10, 2009)

It was a hit! It definitely recharged the electricity in the air.


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## NothingMan (Jul 16, 2009)

If you think twilight is good try reading the Anita Blake series. If your wife likes vampire porn it's a good series to get her into. Has she watched True Blood? I dont know, I've read the twilight series and found it Juvenile. It's basically my life as a teenage vampire. My 14 year old niece loves it. My wife liked the movie. I didnt think it was all that as far as vampire stuff goes.




John


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## hubby (Aug 10, 2009)

I like True Blood, more my style. I saw the 1st season and I got my wife started on it. I need to get the first season on DVD so we can start the second season together. 

As for twilight, I think my wife is into the innocence of it all. Kind of brings her back to 17 again and the feelings of first love. Plus, she realy likes the angst and UST.


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## DownButNotOut (Apr 9, 2009)

Gah! "saw"! Read the frikkin book!

Twilight is targeted at teenage girls, so it is written at that level. Edward is a teenage girl's perfect fantasy boyfriend. (And the kind I'd chase off my porch with a shotgun)

The Charlaine Harris stuff (what True Blood is based on) is more tongue in cheek. It has some romance, but is more light-hearted. I enjoyed the first book in that series. Haven't read others

Laurell Hamilton's stuff (Anita Blake) is pretty good in the beginning. But the later books are too much sex, and not enough story. Her Meredith Gentry series is pretty much fairy sex.

And all of it is written by women. There is good insight there to what many women, those that like the books, find erotic.


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## DownButNotOut (Apr 9, 2009)

In fact...I'll go further.

Read the frikkin book to each other.


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## Atholk (Jul 25, 2009)

I think she wants you to be more sexually dominant, and you keep licking her boots asking for her permission to get hard. Which is the exact opposite of her desires.


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## NothingMan (Jul 16, 2009)

DownButNotOut said:


> Gah! "saw"! Read the frikkin book!
> 
> Twilight is targeted at teenage girls, so it is written at that level. Edward is a teenage girl's perfect fantasy boyfriend. (And the kind I'd chase off my porch with a shotgun)
> 
> ...


Lol true about anita blake..I've started skipping some of the sex at this point. Now, the edward in THAt series is far more of a man then the brooding sissy edward of Twilight.



John


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## hubby (Aug 10, 2009)

NothingMan said:


> Lol true about anita blake..I've started skipping some of the sex at this point. Now, the edward in THAt series is far more of a man then the brooding sissy edward of Twilight.


My wife actually just ordered one of Anita Blake's books the other day. We'll see if she likes it.


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## DownButNotOut (Apr 9, 2009)

Which one?

I was serious about the suggestion you read it together. Out loud to each other is even better. It gives you another common point, and reading the steamier scenes together might just lead to something when you put the book down.

If these are her fantasies, and you want to be a part of them, it serves you well to read these books too. You aren't a mind reader, so any glimpse into what she likes should be grabbed.

One thing she'll find is that Anita is a strong, capable woman. She isn't some weak little doe-eyed simpering girl like Bella.


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## hubby (Aug 10, 2009)

Atholk said:


> I think she wants you to be more sexually dominant, and you keep licking her boots asking for her permission to get hard. Which is the exact opposite of her desires.


I really wish this were the case. I assumed this a few times and it always blew up in my face, embarrassing to say the least. Now this was a while ago and things may have changed this time around. I am up for another retry. 

She has told me a few times not to try anything (sexually) on her without warning/permission, that she needs to be prepared. She does not like surprises. For example, I had to anticipate a few things yesterday to avoid surprising her too much and not having the whole thing backfire on me. She did give me Sh*t for just coming home early without advance warning, but that blew over once she read the note.

Just a little example from the other night. When we were talking about things I told her that I am really holding myself back sexually b/c I have no idea where her boundaries are. I just know that she has them. Somehow it came up that she asked me what I want to do. I responded with, ..."you mean right at this moment?". She says "yes." I replied without hesitation, "Throw you against that wall and f**k you." She did not give me much of a response, positive or negative. Then a while later in the conversation I was trying to test her again and also let her know a bit more of what goes on in my head I told her that what I really want "...is to fulfill her every want and desire...I want to get her panties soaked before they ever come off." Again, not much response. Later that night after we wrapped up the conversation and she was, um, taking care of me, she told me that I need to be careful of what I say. That it may sound nice (putting her against the wall I assume), she does not want it. Almost implying that it was way to strange of an act (or even thought) coming from me.

Ahh, I am still going to have to try and push her boundaries here somehow. What do I have to lose?

BTW, thanks and I really do appreciate your feedback.


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## hubby (Aug 10, 2009)

DownButNotOut said:


> Which one?
> 
> I was serious about the suggestion you read it together. Out loud to each other is even better. It gives you another common point, and reading the steamier scenes together might just lead to something when you put the book down.


Not sure which one, I will have to find out. Very good suggestion on reading together. We started a little of this last night. I sent her a link to this site: Twilight Widowers Anonymous (pretty funny site). Anyway, that lead to some talking about the characters and what she was getting into. She took me to some of the blogs, talked about a few of the 20 odd stories she has read already. I asked her if there were any of the "fan fiction" stories I would find interesting. I read a chapter from two of the stories with her. Kind of cool, but they seem to be a bit slow. I may actually pick up her Twilight book and see if it is interesting although I would probably like the Anita Blake ones sound like they may be more up my alley.


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## Mommybean (Jan 22, 2009)

The Anita Blake books by Laurell K. Hamilton are awesome, though yeah, they have turned more into soft porn with less of a storyline. I've read them all though, and they are an intriguing read.Very raw sex in some of them; definitely NOT for the prudish person. I've also read the Twilight books, and they are definitely more Cinderella fantasy than A.B. True Blood is also a great series, BUT I find the books themselves a little to cutsey for me...the series is raw and intense, which is GREAT, but the books are much fluffier. 
Even though I LOVE to read, and love the series/books mentioned above, i've never fallen for the characters the way your W seems to. I'd rather have the real thing! It sounds like she has discovered a side of herself and was unsure how (or if) she should share it. Good luck in getting her to open up with you!


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

Core question here. Why does your wife insist on sleeping on the couch?

To keep you sexually at bay?

You snore?

To distance herself from you?

To sneak onto the “Twilight Site” without waking you?

Because she has emotionally detached?

Because your mattress sucks?


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## DownButNotOut (Apr 9, 2009)

:iagree:

I was wondering this very same thing.


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## hubby (Aug 10, 2009)

This is a very, VERY sore thing for me. Actually, I can't even remember when it was when we used to actually sleep together. Best I can remember it was sometime before the kids were born. I think it all started with the whole "family bed" thing. We never got the kids to sleep in the crib/bed. We are just now starting to get them into a routine where the older two (7 and 4) sleep in their room, although they too sleep on the couch with my wife at times. I used to sleep out there too just to be at least in the proximity of my wife when I sleep. After much begging for us to go in the bed, I finnaly just started sleeping in the bedroom again alone beginning of this year. 

She has a ton of excuses:

-It is too hot in there. It is a little hotter in the bedroom, or maybe it is just cooler by the couch b/c there is direct A/C hiting them.
-It is too dark and quite in there. She is a physically hyper sensitive person. She has about a 2 degree comfort zone. In fact, me just touching her makes her too hot. I can barely carress her body and after about 5 seconds of that I, her palms start to sweat and she about has a panic attack. She is also light and noise sensitve, she needs to have TV (light and background noise) to help her. 
-She is afraid/does not feel safe. She has OCD and feels the house and the kids are not safe. Not her fault, she is doing an awesome job and has come a LLLLOOOOONNNNGGGG way in battling her illness and it doing great compared to how it used to be. That said, I know it still plauges her internally and this is one area where it manifests itself. Thing is I used to check everthing for her, all the windows, doors, locks, stove, rooms, closets, everything. And then check it again. I could not handle that anymore so we came up with a comprimise where i would check only a few things once. It was also around that time when she started to sleep on the couch.


This is actually one of the main requests I have had with her for many years, more sex and sleeing together. Before it was, can we at least just have sex (there were times when we went years without having sex). That has gotten better and yes now I am getting greedy saying I could have sex every day and would like more variety/excitement. Damn, I have a lot of pent up sexual tension after 11 years of basically no sex.

So part of the heart to heart we had the other night was to spend more time together, both sexually and not. Time just to be intimate in all ways. One specific request was if we could at least cuddle in bed sometimes while I fall asleep (I know, I sounds like a romantic pus*y).

Sorry for the verbal diarrhea, just a sore topic with me.

Any advice here? I am sure I am going to get a lot of "you need to just be a man and tell her what she needs to do." Been there, done that. I am already too much of a typcial "guy" in her eyes, horny all the time, in the gym all the time, working on my car all the time.


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## hubby (Aug 10, 2009)

Amplexor said:


> To keep you sexually at bay?


Very, very likely...



Amplexor said:


> You snore?


Nope...I am a very sound sleeper



Amplexor said:


> To distance herself from you?


Could be.



Amplexor said:


> To sneak onto the “Twilight Site” without waking you?


Not the original reason as this is a recent phenomenon. Could be a very valid reason now. She did say she did not want to keep me up with the computer screen.



Amplexor said:


> Because she has emotionally detached?


Could be...



Amplexor said:


> Because your mattress sucks?


I love my mattress. I think she does too. Funny (in a sadistic way) thing, we don't have sex on the bed (too hot on it for her with the covers and all). It is always in the closet, door closed, lights off, missionary (from what I can tell), "hurry up...get it over with."


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## NothingMan (Jul 16, 2009)

missionary in the closet? Good god. How about standing and putting her against a wall in a closet? 



John


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## hubby (Aug 10, 2009)

See my post a few back. I would love to do that. Not sure it is in the cards yet. I really need to just surprise her. Do you have any extra rooms in your house I can rent? Not to put her up against the wall in, but a place I can rest my head when I am kicked out of the house.

Seriously, she lets me know if I am moving my hips the wrong way. She has told me several times that it can start to get painful, both inside and out (hips and but get tired). Unfortunately for her, I can take all day if I tried. It takes me too long. And you would think that was a good thing. I am not good a "quickies." I can understand why it would hurt. No time taken to warm things up, no romance to kick it off. Just start the pounding. No woman really wants that, but that is the way we do it, and I guess the way she "prefers" it.


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## NothingMan (Jul 16, 2009)

Well honestly, I think your best bet...and I know it sounds counterintuitive, but you should try just doing to her what ya want. Just put your head down there and go to town for a while..if she tells you to stop, obviously you have to stop...but she may not...and if she doesnt then after a while do something else new. She may be really uncomfortable asking for it. Sometimes it just takes some initiative to get past a barrier or two.

Good luck bro, because boring sex sucks and so does pity sex. Im kind of in the same boat in many ways. But atleast im not stuck with missionary in a closet. Id gouge my eyes out I think next time we have sex Im gonna pull out the vibrating **** ring and use it directly on her while giving oral which she never wants. Ill prolly get a kick in the jaw but its worth atleast trying. Look at this way..the same old same old for you HAS to be the same for her. Logically speaking anyway.




John


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

NothingMan said:


> How about standing and putting her against a wall in a closet?


:smthumbup: Like Sonny in The Godfather!!! :smthumbup:


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## hubby (Aug 10, 2009)

Good idea on the ring. I have a few I have been waiting to use. I may do the same!


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## NothingMan (Jul 16, 2009)

hubby said:


> Good idea on the ring. I have a few I have been waiting to use. I may do the same!



Dont wait to use them, theyre awesome. Even better are the ones that are capable of going inside. Super G vibe or something like that. And no, I dont have a room for rent..I do have a free couch in the basement though, conveniently located next to the bar.



John


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

In regards to the hot flashes or heat problems. Has she always had this problem? Is it possible she is in menopause? Has she seen a physician about them?


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## hubby (Aug 10, 2009)

NothingMan said:


> Dont wait to use them, theyre awesome. Even better are the ones that are capable of going inside. Super G vibe or something like that. And no, I dont have a room for rent..I do have a free couch in the basement though, conveniently located next to the bar.
> John


I got "Vibratting Johny"


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## NothingMan (Jul 16, 2009)

hubby said:


> I got "Vibratting Johny"


Im disturbed now. Thanks




John


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## hubby (Aug 10, 2009)

Amplexor said:


> In regards to the hot flashes or heat problems. Has she always had this problem? Is it possible she is in menopause? Has she seen a physician about them?


Not in menopause yet, she is 33 and has normal cycles. She has always been hyper sensitive, ever since I have known her. When we were dating though, we would sweat up a storm, sex was HOT. She did not seem to mind it. We would just jump in the shower together then go to bet naked... wow have things changed for us. Why do women always give you exactly what you need until the ring goes on the finger?

Back to your question. The sensitivity had increased when her OCD kicked into full swing. I think it is very much associated with her anxiety disorder. She tried Zoloft and Xanax. They helped, but she was a zombie and there was probably negative sex drive if that is possible.

We both agreed no more meds. A psychologist would be better but she tried that too. On her own and as a couple. The one on her own lasted a while but it was mainly just red tape to get the meds. The couple’s counselor lasted one session as she felt the counselor was taking my side and she was being attacked. I, the non-mentally ill person, continued therapy for a year to try and get my **** together. She will now have nothing to do with counselors. Says she does not respond well to people giving her advice and telling her what to do.

Now I am sounding very one-sided here. She is an awesome person, I love her to death.  She is the best mom in the world, and takes really good care of me and the house. She is a very selfless person, puts everyone else in front of her to a fault.


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## hubby (Aug 10, 2009)

NothingMan said:


> Im disturbed now. Thanks
> John


No pun intended "John." Just heard this ring was really good.


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## Mommybean (Jan 22, 2009)

Has she had her Thyroid tested by any chance? If not, encourage her to do it. Thyroid problems can cause all sorts of issues, including hot flashes, depression, loss of libido, and anxiety. 
I feel for you, I really do. I feel for your wife too though, because it sounds like medically/mentally she is a wreck. Dealing with OCD, anxiety, depression from the sounds of it....you BOTH are in a bad spot. The sensory issues she has sound like they seem to trigger the anxiety...so too much touching or closeness causes her senses to overload, and then the anxiety kicks in...its a vicious cycle. 
Because of this, I can't say I agree with the "throw her against the wall and have your way with her" theory because it sounds like that is going to do nothing but push her anxiety/sensory issues over the edge, and the results are likely to be VERY traumatic to her, and you, conversely. 
If her thyroid levels have never been tested, please encourage her to get checked.


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## hubby (Aug 10, 2009)

WHHEEEYYYY! It is on!

I hit the jackpot. I was looking for a place to hide the "vibrating johhny" around where we keep our "supplies." Low an behold I hit her holy grail. She has three vibrators in there, some extra batteries and some crazy lube. I almost lost it!

So I put a few obvious sticky notes around our stash and a few more with my vibrating johnny.

TMI alert!

Left some sexy messages:

"Finnaly, the REAL You and REAL Me can Play... will kitty come out and play?"

"Here kitty...kitty, or is it Tiger"

Then with the johnnys:

"Busted! I know... and I like it.
A little something extra for you to play with.
P.S. next time think of me when you use them"

The game is on, and we are in the first inning... 

Wish me luck!


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## NothingMan (Jul 16, 2009)

LoL..I hope it works out for you dude. Sounds like it might. Of course...you'll have to share details if it does. Not to jinx you but last night my wife actually initiated (shocker) sex. Then as we get into it...the baby woke up for feed..and then after that she fell asleep. I almost put a 357 up to my temple. Id rather have none then be promised some and not get it

Back to you...again..do whatever you want to do to her until she says stop. Use everything ya got and half the stuff ya dont



John


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## hubby (Aug 10, 2009)

Sorry to hear that. I hope the jewels did not turn blue. Kids are awesome, but they are Gods best contraception and coc*block.

Damn, I need to find a way to get the kids out of the house tonight. Here's some more anecdotal funniness:

So I re-injured (original was snowboarding accident) my knee a week ago...having sex. Well it was not really as cool as it sounds. We were about to have sex and I was just lying down and I twisted my knee. Anyway, it got better after a few days, but then I really killed it while feeding the cats, again not that cool of a story. It gets better. Turns out my wife slowly was hurting her knee the last week or so during her nightly runs. It was not too bad until this morning when her and my oldest were late and had to run to the bus stop... bad move. She really did it now she is laid up. She is at the Dr. now, I came home from work to watch the kids while she was out, how I was able to find her goods BTW. 

So, we probably can't get too wild else we will be in wheelchairs together for a while.


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## hubby (Aug 10, 2009)

Think the notes are too corny? 

Most of it is definitely play but I also want her to realize that I think this is life changing for us (well at least me). She knows how important sex/intimacy is to me and we have never really explored each other in that area.

I want to make sure that she feels this huge game changer makes me the happiest man in the world. While it does, I this will all a little incentive for her to follow through and share. I am such a passive f**k.

Crazy thing, I have asked her several times to think about buying toys. Said I would help her with that and we could enjoy them together. Basically said no way, she is not in to that. You already know how she hated me looking at porn; she thought it was so demeaning to women. Turns out she likes looking at pictures of naked guys.

I need to look at this in context though. Most of this stuff I have discussed with her before we started having sex again and before she entered the "Twingdom." Her comments may well have been genuion, at the time. She may just be now awaking sexually. Looking back, she has mentioned to me several times in the last few months that, "I know you like to look at porn" almost jokingly and has not recently said that she found it distasteful or that I had better not be looking at it. Almost like she was trying to justify her hidden urges.


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## DownButNotOut (Apr 9, 2009)

Not to be a party-pooper hubby. But my bet is you just knocked an easy grounder to the second baseman.

See...she is most likely very embarrassed about her sexuality. Just the thought of you knowing about her toys will more than likely make her feel mortified rather than titillated. She wanted them for her 'alone time', not for your time together. At least IMO.

From the other things you've said, she has other issues that interfere with intercourse as well. OCD, anxiety, sensory issues.. None of that is addressed simply because you found out that she masturbates with a vibrator.

Good luck. Just don't get your hopes up too much.

I think it's better to come at this from some other angle, to get at the root source of why she finds intimacy with you difficult.


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## NothingMan (Jul 16, 2009)

i can think of a dozen positions involving wheelchairs


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## hubby (Aug 10, 2009)

DownButNotOut said:


> I think it's better to come at this from some other angle, to get at the root source of why she finds intimacy with you difficult.


Maybe, but this approach is too fun to pass up. I'd rather swing hard and miss then have someone else pinch hit for me. And if I do hit a ground out to second, at least I hit the ball. I have been sitting in the dugout for 11 years.

She will be home any minute now... turns out her knee just needs some rest (I on the other hand need surgery).

I will make sure to take it easy on her knee. All of her other joints are still flexible.


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## NothingMan (Jul 16, 2009)

hubby said:


> Maybe, but this approach is too fun to pass up. I'd rather swing hard and miss then have someone else pinch hit for me. And if I do hit a ground out to second, at least I hit the ball. I have been sitting in the dugout for 11 years.



QFT.



John


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## Mommybean (Jan 22, 2009)

hubby said:


> Maybe, but this approach is too fun to pass up. I'd rather swing hard and miss then have someone else pinch hit for me. And if I do hit a ground out to second, at least I hit the ball. I have been sitting in the dugout for 11 years.
> 
> She will be home any minute now... turns out her knee just needs some rest (I on the other hand need surgery).
> 
> I will make sure to take it easy on her knee. All of her other joints are still flexible.



AND this is exactly what is NOT going to get you anywhere! You are convinced it is soley a sexual issue and therefore negating ANY possibility of an underlying problem that needs to be addressed. Know why its not going to work the way you are going at it? Because, more than likely the reason she has a stash of toys is because she IS horny....but the difference between YOU and the TOYS is that she can CONTROL the toys..therefore, if sensations get too much for her, if it triggers her sensory/anxiety issues...she can STOP...with you, you sound more like a bull in a china shop...wanting to tear thru the room with your eye on the prize. If she tells you to stop, she is going to have to deal with your hurt, and her guilt. With her toys...if she goes into sensory overload, no harm no foul...the go back in the drawer and thats that.


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## hubby (Aug 10, 2009)

Mommybean said:


> AND this is exactly what is NOT going to get you anywhere!



I know where you are coming from and appreciate your advice. I would really like to get down to the heart of the problem, which will take some time indeed. But, we need to break through the communication barriers and walls that have been put up first or we will just sit in status quo. Something needs to break here before we are able to grow.

Well, we are in the bottom of the first inning. We were playing around and teasing each other and I just had to lead her into the closet to find what I had for her.

Things were interesting to say the least. She was a little embarrassed but not that much. A little more about the invasion of privacy thing but that was put to bed when she figured out how I stumbled across it. We also talked about some of the threads she was on and even the comment on how she would like to "sin" with that other guy. She was a little embarrassed but I reassured her that I found that VERY sexy, although I was in quite fit of a jealous rage with some guy in a picture... go figure. 

Anyway, long story short. I think it was pretty successful. It opened up the door quite a bit and even flushed out a few other demons. She reassured me that nothing has changed with her; I reassured her that it was just my perception of her that changed and that I will no longer be holding myself back sexually. I am going to be me. She said just be aware that she is not "on" all the time and that she will not always be willing to accept my advances. I said that I was a big boy and I could handle that. She did say that now that I knew about the toys, she might a well use them after we finish with each other. Be my guest, go to town! I would if toys did anything for me. 

See you guys in the second inning... Maybe it will be tonight.


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## hopeful? (Aug 13, 2009)

Gomez said:


> I think you should take you wife with you to work out. My wife and I work out together. Its great to be going through it together.
> 
> Time is the most important gift you can give someone.
> 
> ...


 the whole women talk to discuss and men talk for a solution thing is so right. I am a talker and have been my ENTIRE life. My parents still joke about me as a child always talking. (not the annoying will never shut up kind, i can pick up on how interested someone is very quickly, so don't jump to that conclusion) but when i try to talk to my husband, he just wants to throw out the solution before i'm even finished with what i'm saying. i honestly feel like i can't even talk to him anymore. You're guys, how do we get you to talk to us again? He says he loves me and that I'm his anchor and I completely believe it. we're different love languages if that makes sense. he's time and touch and i'm talk and action. we're always together, cuddling on teh couch and what not, but never talking. so his emotional tank is overflowing while mine is rusting from the drought. advice?

hubby: coming from a simliar situation as a wife who loves twilight and has a hard time with intimacy, but a fine time alone, it's really hard to explain. maybe she has some self image issues or just self esteem issues and is afraid of what you think of her. I know i'm always nervous to tell him what I want because i think he'll laugh or think i'm dumb or something. recently, he accidentally found a huge turn on for me and i've gone every time we've had sex but never ever ever would i have mentioned to him that i'd be up for it. just for fear of him reacting negatively. go up behind her and bite her neck and call her bella  i love when my H does that. and we dont' roll play more than that bc we both feel dumb haha


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## NothingMan (Jul 16, 2009)

Mommybean said:


> AND this is exactly what is NOT going to get you anywhere!



I will grant you that all women are different, god bless them. But it's been my experience that talk is cheap. I have had this discussion so many times with my wife and it always ends the same way and nothing EVER changes. Which is why I told him to go for it. Talking doesnt solve everything and sometimes it solves nothing. I for one am tired of talking. hey hubby, im proud of you. 





John


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## hubby (Aug 10, 2009)

NothingMan said:


> I for one am tired of talking. John


Me too. Tired of talking, time for screeming!:smthumbup:


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## Mommybean (Jan 22, 2009)

No, i'm not one for talking a subject to death....my point is though, that there MAY be other problems, medically related, that are causing her extreme reactions at times, and THAT should be addressed, if for no other reason than to rule it out as a source of the problem.


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## Justawife (Aug 14, 2009)

Good Job!


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## hubby (Aug 10, 2009)

Ok, little update. We had a great Anniversary weekend. Lots of fun, time together, sharing, and she really took care of me. She bought some sexy lingerie! 

Something else interesting. I have been really trying to share her twilight and other reading with her. I know she is REALLY into this stuff and she likes to talk to me about it. I also know that what she reads is really romantic, sexy and hot. I keep thinking to myself; If I could just get her to share that part of her she could really loosen up sexually and let me know what she wants. I know this stuff turn her on.

Well, when we were out to dinner she was talking about a lot of the stories. I asked which ones really got her going. What makes her so hot that the just wants to stop and attack me. She said it is not like that for her. BS. So I started reading some of the stories, one that I knew was pretty steamy. I told her I found it really interesting but she her reaction was completely not what I expected. Instead of being happy that I would want to share something with her that she liked, she got protective of it and asked that I not read anymore of the stories she reads, to find something else. She said that it was her way of feeling independent and wanted something for her own, and I totally get that, but I could not help but feel there was another reason. I think there are two things that it could be:

-She is embarrassed to be reading erotic stuff and does not want me to know that she likes it. Maybe she thinks I will feel jealous or something. 

-Maybe the thinks that I would be hurt that she would enjoy reading about this stuff but would not want to act out any of these fantasies with me. She totally knows that I would be into anything sexually with her while things between us are relatively plain vanilla.

Whatcha think?


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## DownButNotOut (Apr 9, 2009)

I think she is probably in equal parts embarrassed and wants her private fantasies to stay private. And I would bet that she really wants her fantasies and her reality to stay in their proper places.

Although....you should listen to her when she says that the point behind the stories is not to make 'her so hot that the just wants to stop and attack me'. Those stories are about crashing through her resistance by sheer force of will, about losing the will to refuse, and only then, after she has surrendered, is she free to wildly enjoy herself...once all resistance has been defeated. That is a huge difference. At no point is the woman the aggressor, it is always the man.

It isn't about the action, positions, dialogue, or anything like that. It is about the atmosphere. Those stories hit the emotions, not the hormones.

Of course, i could be 100% wrong on this too, as I'm a guy reading the stories.


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## hubby (Aug 10, 2009)

DownButNotOut said:


> Of course, i could be 100% wrong on this too, as I'm a guy reading the stories.


I would think, that if something really turned you on in a book/fantasy, you would love to play those out with the person you love. That would seem like such a fullfillment. I mean you get to feed those emotional and physcial urges at that point. I could only guess that she is either too afraid to act on those fantasys or I just don't do it for her that way and she does not want to fullfill them with me. There was definatly something more to it that she was so close to sharing with me but she wouldn't b/c she did not want to hurt or confuse me in some way.

Well, it seems to be working as she is starting to open up and get more, um, frisky. I actually just started to call her the nickname from one of her stories (TK, Tiger Kitten) and she loves it.

Perfect, so you are a guy who likes these stories. Strangly enough, I got really turned on reading her stories so I want some of my own! I hate sitting in front of the tube and want to start reading more, and I am a horny SOB. So, what books do you recommend?

I kind of like the vampire fantasy world, but I am flexible. I am not really into the LONG drawn out build up like the likes of Twilight. I like quite a bit more erotic action, but the intense love of Twilight is sexy too. How about both!


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## DownButNotOut (Apr 9, 2009)

Try the Anita Blake series.


ETA: Have you ever actually read Bram Stoker's Dracula?


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## hubby (Aug 10, 2009)

DownButNotOut said:


> Try the Anita Blake series.


I am really thinking about it. I hear it does not start to really heat up until book 10. Maybe they are still hot and they just go over the top after 10? I can't imagine anything being too hot for me.



DownButNotOut said:


> ETA: Have you ever actually read Bram Stoker's Dracula?


Nope, but saw the movie of course. Not a big reader unfortunately. I am trying to change that now, but I need something that will capture my short attention span.

BTW, I edited my last post up there responding to you. Just still confused why she would not want to act out her fantisies. Guess it is hard for some people?


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## DownButNotOut (Apr 9, 2009)

hubby said:


> BTW, I edited my last post up there responding to you. Just still confused why she would not want to act out her fantisies. Guess it is hard for some people?


Fantasies can become fairly specific. Often, acting out a fantasy simply won't be as good.

In your fantasy, your lover:
--looks like you want
--responds to you like you want
--always does exactly the right thing
--always says exactly the right thing
--always pushes your buttons the perfect way
--always expertly guides or follows you through lovemaking

As soon as you add another person, that is just someone else there to screw up a perfectly good fantasy by "doing it wrong".

It's even more apparent when the point of the fantasy is the atmosphere, and the emotion, and not just who does what to whom when.

What I was suggesting a few pages ago is to read up on what she likes..the stories that do push her buttons. But instead of offering to act out her fantasy, simply incorporate that kind of atmosphere into your seductions (but NOT the step-by-step story lines...that is too blunt). The pet name is a good start. 

That way, her fantasies are still hers. You aren't intruding on her private space. But you are showing her that you can play the game she wants to play. Make sense?


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## hubby (Aug 10, 2009)

Absolutely makes since. I was going this route by trying to find out which books reall turn her on, she would not point to anyone in particular. Then I started reading one I that I knew she had mentioned a few times and let her know I was reading it, that was probably a bad move. Now she does not want me to read it and I kind of feel bad if I do read it. Too bad b/c I was really getting into it. 

She did mention a while back that these stories are really nice and hot but would never work out in real life. BTW, the stories I read was fairly tame, no BDSM or anything.

I will probably finnish reading that story anyway to get some insight.


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## OMA82 (Dec 23, 2009)

Hubby you're wife sounds like me lol.

edward is surely not the hottest thing that set foot on earth. his role in the movie makes him. i too got so addicted to the movie untill i realized that edward turns me on in a weird way. i think its the idea of a DANGEROUS man falling in love with u. and of course the sex scenes when he's tooooooo careful with her even thu his boiling inside. 
i think the reason why you're wife gets on these websites and have fun doing it alone is being uncofortable with you. for som reason we tend to NOT act ourselves in bed with our hubbies. somtimes it's because of all you shared and sharing it makes him look like a HUBBY or a FATHER in your eyes, and sometimes because you think of yourself as a WIFE or MOTHER it kinda makes you feel shy to do anything that's a bit wild or naughty.
i say don't tell your wife about what you found out, because you might ruin her fantasy, but since you know what she likes TRY to bring it to bed. EX: pretend to bite her neck. AND watch the movie you might learn alot from it...i WOULD dif watch it together, maybe thats her porn 
for more advices please send me the website she visits lol


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## Indianprincess (Dec 27, 2009)

all married women are bi-curious and there is nothing wrong with that. but she should have shared that with you. 
OMA82 I disagree with you, married woman should share her things with husband no matter how dark or wild it is


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## Indianprincess (Dec 27, 2009)

try having a three way, that will spice things up


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## hubby (Aug 10, 2009)

OMA82 said:


> i think its the idea of a DANGEROUS man falling in love with u.


Thanks for posting. I still struggle with this quite a bit. She has tried to articulate why she likes these stories and it goes along the lines of your thinking, being with a dangerous man or situation... the whole idea of the forbidden fruit. The problem is I want to be able to bring some of what excites her into the bedroom. Her personality is completely opposite of what she finds exciting. She is totally risk adverse, likes to be in complete control of her environment (has OCD) and does not like the whole being dominated thing. This makes getting her hot very difficult. 

Don't get me wrong, she does a LOT for me. I can basically have sex or get a BJ whenever I want. It is not a chore for her and she enjoys "doing it for me." But that is just it; I want her to want to do it for her too. She barely ever has an O, and when she does, she says the effort is almost not worth the end result. She never asks me to be more giving to her, although I offer all the time.

She is starting to come out of her shell though. A while back I listed all my sexual fantasies and desires, one of which was taping us having sex. Well she took that to heart and gave me the best Christmas present I ever had: A professional "Boudoir" album (here is an example). It was so HOT. I know it took a lot for her to build up the courage to take the pictures, but boy did I love it! She is really starting to come out of her shell!




OMA82 said:


> for more advices please send me the website she visits lol


I will list a few, but be forewarned, there is a high probability of addiction!

The Hills of Twilight  - Five houses, four couples, one stranger and a notebook full of dirty little secrets.

The Submissive - Can Bella Swan warm and win the heart of dom, Edward Cullen, while living out her darkest fantasy? 

The Dominant -Because every story has two sides - The Submissive from EPOV.

The Arrangement - An average night takes an interesting turn for Edward, Bella and Jasper. What happens in the morning? Can their friendship survive? Will feelings finally be revealed? Or will everything fall apart, leaving them all alone? 

Clipped Wings and Inked Armor - Haunted by her past Bella is broken and alone. Starting over, can she let go of the guilt that consumes her when she meets a beautiful tattoo artist or will his own personal demons destroy them first? 

Confessions of a Nanny - Bella Swan accepts a job as a nanny for single father, Dr. Edward Cullen. Living under the same roof and Bella's seduction plans, leads these two into a whirlwind of pleasure and excitement.

She has read literally 100+ more like these. 

*Get this, the latest several have been about Bella getting kidnapped by Edward. How do I interpret that?*

Also, there is a site that discusses and recommends stories like these... she goes here a lot...FYI, this is NSFW: The Perv Pack's' Smut Shack

The question is, if she is so interested in this stuff, why is she not a wild cat in bed?


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

Indianprincess said:


> all married women are bi-curious


Uuhu, yah, sure right! :scratchhead:


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## Mal74 (Dec 24, 2009)

Star you should totally still do it. Just do it for you. He's going to react however he does, but for you the photo shoot can be a really great gift to your sexy self!

Hubby, I think it's cool that your wife is really opening up. Do you ever talk dirty in bed? My H and I started doing this a few years ago and it drives us both pretty crazy. It was really awkward at first, we were both embarrassed and sort of shy about it. So we started really slow just by talking about what was happening ("I love how your c*ck feels sliding into my p*ssy" and stuff like that) and gradually took on more and more subjects.

If you haven't tried it, maybe it's worth a shot. It has definitely added some fun and spice to our lovemaking.


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## OMA82 (Dec 23, 2009)

HUBBY. as i mentioned before, she must be very uncomfortable doing things with you. sometimes uncom. with her body and OR maybe afraid of what and how you would react and maybe even afraid that it might ruin the marriage. is she a conservative person?
you said she loves being in control with things. then let HER control the things in bed too, you lay there and let her do whatever comes to her mind. maybe even be the edward ( the dangerous and tough person )


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## hubby (Aug 10, 2009)

Star: you should totally do it. My wife said it was very difficult for her to follow through with it but she said she really got into it once she got comfortable. She like the photographer a lot, made her feel at ease. The whole process made her feel more sexy. I always thought the idea was hot, but when I saw the pictures I was blown away. It is a strange feeling. I want to show them off to the world but at the same time I don't want to share them with anyone. She said a few of her friends wants to see them and I told her to go for it, as long as they were girls . 

Oma: she is feeling more and more comfortable with herself. I give her lots of praise, tell her how good she makes me feel and how sexy she is all the time. That helps out a lot. I think it just takes a lot building up overtime with women to get their egos up. But once it is up, it is hard to stop. Not like the fragile male ego. 

She is far from a conservative person. She is about as liberal as they come, and so am I really. I think she is having a hard time understanding why this stuff turns her on and she is somehow trying to reconcile that internally now. Over time she will get used to the idea and we will be able to have fun with it. 

It is just a pity that sex is more for me than it is for her right now. She totally prefers a nice long message to sex, but she knows I like it and she loves how it makes me feel so she does it for me. Just wish she would crave it like I do. It is weird though, she is a self proclaimed perv as she describes herself to her friends. Wish she was more of a perv with me. In time... in time. 

Right now I really should not complain as I can get it anytime I want which is a far, far cry from where I was a year ago.


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