# Face it or Numb it?



## Regga (Jan 22, 2013)

It's been a month since DDay and I'm struggling to sleep and get through the day without thinking/obsessing about my husbands affair. I know I have a surge of adrenaline. My blood feels like it's speeding through my veins and my heart pounds uncontrollably. My stomach lurches and I get this overwhelming sense of dread and dispair. Like I should just give up on life. I'm doing some deep breathing techniques I learned from lamaze, have started therapy, am becoming more educated about the trauma of affairs and already am on an anti-depressant; but these adrenaline rushes r starting to affect my work and functioning. 
Since DDay I have started reconciling with my husband and he's truly in remorse, but I'm wondering if I should get Rx help. I'm scared the Rx help will hinder the process of "getting over it." I want to make sure I don't just medicate my problems. 
What other techniques have you found to help cope?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

Have you been putting this extra energy to use through exercise? You are probably feeling like a caged animal and need to let off some steam. I wouldn't hide from your feelings and feel free to grieve the loss of your marriage. Even if you are in R, the marriage you signed on for is gone, and you and your husband need to put the pieces back together as best you can - as well as figure out how to take actions to minimize infidelity in the future.

But you have that opportunity to "sculpt" your body for the better. Reduced appetite + pent up energy could help you improve your physical appearance significantly if needed. Even if it never works out with your husband, the diet and exercise will at least prepare you for the dating scene down the road when you are ready. What I'm saying is that you can put your extra energy into improving yourself to make you a better person physically, mentally and emotionally.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Read up on post infidelity stress disorder. I actually considered EMDR for it myself but never went, I got better over time. I probably could have used it though.

You're already medicated, don't add more to the mix.


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## boogie110 (Aug 3, 2012)

Sometimes, as time goes on, it gets worse. You have to get to bottom, possibly, before it starts getting better. It's only been one month.


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## Regga (Jan 22, 2013)

Well I know it's only been a month! I just thought the feelings would have stopped plaguing my mind this much. 
I have lost 20 lbs and needed to gain weight before. My eating disorder has returned, I know that! The thought of eating makes me sick. Someone jokingly called me Skeletor last week. But maybe exersizing will help. Dating sounds horrendous!!!!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MovingAhead (Dec 27, 2012)

Regga,

I know this is hard, but it has only been a month. This will not stop soon. It will go on for a bit. The pain will lessen but don't expect to be all happy tomorrow.

You should see a psychiatrist if you can. Tell him that you are having trouble sleeping because your H committed adultery. He might give you antidepressants or sleeping pills.

When I hit DDay. I lost 30 lbs in 10 days. One week, I slept a total of 7 hours... Got some medicine then I began to normalize. Find a hobby and focus. I like the gym. It allowed me to use my anger for good things.

I am truly sorry you are here. I don't want to sugarcoat it for you. It is a long process and you are in the beginning stages. Get some help. Good friends to talk to, good support, work on yourself, and a little medicine to ease your mind are not bad things.

I faced mine head on... My decision for me... One of the best things I did. I sat down and decided how I wanted to spend the rest of my life. Now I am working on it.


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## Paladin (Oct 15, 2011)

I found Zoloft(sertraline) and klonopin, or xanax, to be very helpful in the first 6-8 months of the process. The sertraline helps with self confidence and decision making, and the klon/xan helps with anxiety and sleep. 

Go see your primary psychiatrist and discuss your symptoms. Ask about the drugs I mention, and come to a decision.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

I haven't seen anyone post about this for a while. Many posters in the past have said their MD was a tremendous help. Many have said they wish they had visited them earlier. Its not a cure but can even things out a lot.

One poster doesn't take the full dosage but can't keep up the reconcilliation otherwise because of anger.


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## B1 (Jun 14, 2012)

OP...Time, it's just going to take time. Do all you can to stay busy, exercise, get therapy, medication etc. still, it's time that will heal you the most. That an talking it out with a therapist and husband.

Reading will help you understand just how damaging an A is on a BS. How the hurt just goes on and on sometime, many times it's just overwhelming. I even started having what I called panic attacks, it did affect my job, luckily I have a flexible job.

btw: I am a BS now 8 months out and we are doing very well. Happiness is back and though there is some hurt at times, overall I am very happy, we are happy. We are still on a journey though, it's not over, it won't be for a while. Not even sure it's ever really "over". But it definitely gets better...much better.

It takes work, from both of you, LOTS of work, understanding, patience, determination, commitment and love. 

Hopefully your husband is doing his part and communicating with you, giving you answers, showing remorse, and the biggie...being an open book. 

Hang in there, it WILL get better with time. You WILL survive this, you really will.

take care


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## This is me (May 4, 2011)

Regga said:


> Well I know it's only been a month! I just thought the feelings would have stopped plaguing my mind this much.
> I have lost 20 lbs and needed to gain weight before. My eating disorder has returned, I know that! The thought of eating makes me sick. Someone jokingly called me Skeletor last week. But maybe exersizing will help. Dating sounds horrendous!!!!!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Dating...no way. When I was distressed and down about 15 lbs which for a guy who was already athletic build, I was not looking my best. I needed to exercize but not lose more weight.

I started drinking those ensure type products with extra calories.


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## This is me (May 4, 2011)

I have discovered some really good meditation apps that help me sleep and escape a little from thoughts.


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## WonderHow (Dec 17, 2012)

So for me I was quite literally worthless for the first few months but did get better. A few things that worked well for me:

1. EXERCISE. Everyone has already said this but I can encourage it enough. Also if possible do it outside and connect with nature if that's your thing.
2. If you want to try the supplement route, Zen (L-theanine) + Magnesium did wonders for my anxiety and helped with sleeping
3. EMDR which is a tapping therapy was the #1 thing that had an almost immediate effect on how I felt. Also do a search online and you may be able to find some self-treatment options
4. Journal. If you get stuck write with your non-dominate hand. 
5. Therapy. I went through 4 before I found one that was helpful. You should leave there feeling better. Also, in my case, it was a very much "you get what you pay for"


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