# Separating



## dollybird (Jan 9, 2011)

After reading through all these threads I feel even more confused and overwhelmed than ever.

But after reading through everything I thought I would share my story and hopefully get some much needed support and advice.

6 days ago my husband told me he didnt want to be with me anymore. 

He had two drinking binges just before xmas which really upset me cos he didnt come home and didnt let me know where he was. He didnt come home until the morning and had still been drinking. This really upset me cos he always lets me know where he is. I felt disrespected and told him so.

We have had a few issues through our relationship where he has posted on online dating sites etc, sent pictures of himself to other women and even starting ring one. We worked through this by going to a counsellor. I found it really hard to build back the trust but i had started to.

Anyway so he has now told me that he doesnt want to be with me cos he cant show me the respect i deserve, he cant love me the way i deserve, because of all the **** we have been through and because i have treated him like ****.

I guess i have felt resentful towards him and shown that in the way i treated him. When we had arguments nothing would get resolved and i would feel very hurt and let down.

He said he has felt like this for most of the year.

Another issue was his smoking - he is a pothead and smokes ever night. This has never sat well with me for the fact that i didnt want him to be around the girls stoned and i also wanted him to be around me normal. He is not really a big big drinker and has said it is better he smokes than drinks.

We have 2 girls who i know he loves with all his heart. 

I have begged and pleaded and offered to do whatever he wanted me to do to give our marriage a chance, to work on it. But he said that we have already been through counselling and he has had enough and doesnt want to work on it.

It is day 6 today and i wish i could close my eyes and never wake up. But I have to be there for my girls even though i wouldnt say I am coping the best for them.

He has said he wants to sell the house, he is going to move out and he will always be there for the girls.

i dont want to fight with him anymore, i dont want to beg for something that needs two people to make it work if i am the only one that does. I want to work on it and i dont want to lose my marriage. But i guess i have lost his love forever.

I dont even know where to start or how to start. I have been to the doctor and put myself on AD's. I want to be dignified but i dont know how i can keep it together.

Advice, help, anything.


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## blownaway (Dec 11, 2010)

I'm sorry for what's happening. I wonder though why you want him back if you've had issues with him perhaps being unfaithful in the past, he didn't come home right before the holidays, he drinks and smokes pot every day. I understand that this is your marriage and your family and it is never - no matter the circumstances - easy to watch it end. But, he does not sound like a loving person who is willing to act like a good husband and father. I would suspect that you deserve a lot more than what he's been giving you. Once the shock and the sadness and the overwhelming feelings subside, you will realize that and you will be able to move on. It's a very, very slow process, but it will happen and this will pass.


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