# Not going down?



## Venusina (May 13, 2012)

I've wanted to ask him about why he is not going down on me... but whenever I try... I just get NO answer. 
He sometimes does it for... 5 minutes? And that's it. He does not seem interested in making me orgasm. I 've had a lot of trouble reaching one... it just comes when I help myself with my hands and that's it. 

Could it be he's just being selfish? Or maybe he just doesn't like it at all? I really enjoy going down on him...


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## Monty4321 (Jul 15, 2011)

Venusina said:


> I've wanted to ask him about why he is not going down on me... but whenever I try... I just get NO answer.
> He sometimes does it for... 5 minutes? And that's it. He does not seem interested in making me orgasm. I 've had a lot of trouble reaching one... it just comes when I help myself with my hands and that's it.
> 
> Could it be he's just being selfish? Or maybe he just doesn't like it at all? I really enjoy going down on him...


The only thing that would turn me off is if the female doesn't wash prior to going down. He could just be grossed out by that or just don't care. You should grab him and stand right in front of him until he answers. Tell him that u would listen and try to understand without getting angry or hurt. Explain to him how important it is to you and how much it turns you on.


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

I had the same issue with my h. Did he used to do it he changed? Do you let him know that he is pleasing you while he is down there? 
We ended up in MC because he wouldn't talk about it. It turned out a big part of it is washing so we agreed anytime we are going to do it I go wash and then if he's in the mood he does it. 
Maybe he isn't sure what to do, do you feel like you're getting close to irgasn and then he stops?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

And ask him if he wants to spend money on MC or talk to you for free.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## anotherguy (Dec 14, 2011)

diwali123 said:


> And ask him if he wants to spend money on MC or talk to you for free.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Laugh. Good one.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

damn lame lazy inhibited lovers.

I hate that!


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## I Notice The Details (Sep 15, 2012)

He is missing out on one of the most sensual and loving things he can do for you!

Suggestion: After you get out of the shower...why don't you lay on the bed or wherever there is very good lighting...without your panties...and take the time to show him where you like to be touched and kissed. He might need a little "female anatomy" lesson. Be bold. There is nothing wrong with doing this. 

In fact, my wife gave me an anatomy lesson during my first month of our marriage, and I found out that one side of her clitoris is much more sensitive than the other! I would have never known this unless she told me. She also mentioned that she likes plenty of teasing before her clitoris is ready to be kissed directly. I have always remembered this point and provide lots of foreplay to this day. 

My wife did something else that surprised me...she asked ME how I would like her pubic hair trimmed? I couldn't believe what she had just said. We got out the scissors and did some light trimming...which actually made kissing her "down there" much easier for me! . 

I was very impressed with the anatomy lesson she gave me. She taught me how to treat her body and I loved it. What do you think of this idea for your relationship?


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## 40isthenew20 (Jul 12, 2012)

I just don't understand guys that don't go down on their wives. I could spend the whole day doing that and ask for seconds. My wife is very sensitive and pushes me away once she reaches orgasm, but I would love to keep going, take all of her juices in and get her off again without coming up for air. 

The other suggestion may be a good one - pubic hair. I love it that my wife totally shaves and it makes it even hotter and easier to reach all the nooks and crannies. And considering that I also shave that area on myself, I know it makes it much more sensitive and enjoyable to have fingers and a tongue down there.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

This is the least of your problems. You have another thread saying he choked you and scared you and how he's smothering you and pushed you and calling you a "s***."

Run, Forrest, Ruuuun.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Well, I don't know the full story but to be honest, there have been women in the past who I simply won't go down on - and normally I actually quite love it - and I'm a lower body person, love the sexy legs, the cute butt, the lovely feet, the warm juicy "hehe" etc etc etc...

Keep yourself clean and smelling good down there, and SHAVE!  Or at the very least - trim!


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## donny64 (Apr 21, 2012)

Venusina said:


> I've wanted to ask him about why he is not going down on me... but whenever I try... I just get NO answer.
> He sometimes does it for... 5 minutes? And that's it. He does not seem interested in making me orgasm. I 've had a lot of trouble reaching one... it just comes when I help myself with my hands and that's it.
> 
> Could it be he's just being selfish? Or maybe he just doesn't like it at all? I really enjoy going down on him...


I love to go down on a woman. But there are things that will turn me off of it:

An overly strong odor. Could be internal, or could just be "late in the day, sweaty or urine odor". Even a hint of urine odor will turn me off. So, my recommendation would be to make sure you're clean. Clean up or shower before bed. Have those "summers eve" or whatever they are handi-wipes handy, and maybe use them a time or two a day.

Too much hair. This isn't the 70's anymore. If you look like you've got Buckwheat in a leg lock, for a good number of guys, that's a turn off. Trim, shave, or preferrably "sugar" (note to the ladies, if you're still waxing...stop! "Sugaring" is considerably less painful.

Saying "no" too much. If you're self conscious down there, take the above steps, and stop saying "no" unless you really feel uncomfortable. You want it, and I want it. If I'm headed south, and you're uttering the "I don't really mean this no" or "I'm feeling self conscious no", it gets to be a bit of a turn off. And I'll stop trying. Too many "no's" are a big turn off. 

Talk to him and find out why. Maybe he had a bad experience that turned him off of it. Maybe it is you. If it IS YOU, then you should know that without making him "pay" for being truthful. You likely would not even know, but it could be extremely apparent to him! Ask him if you have an odor or taste that he doesn't like. Promise him you won't get all "butt hurt" about it, and then follow through with that promise. Find out what the issue is, and then find a way to fix it! I find it hard to believe an extraordinary percentage of men would not love to go down there if it was a pleasant experience.


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## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

Mine is the reverse problem, I love to go down on my wife... she on the other hand will pull me away from going there on occasion. When I do go down I spend at least three jazz songs worth of time and make her cum multiple times (or so it seems by her reaction). So it is not as if she does not enjoy it; at least she has never complained. She is self conscious about how it smells, etc. I tell her it is fine and I love it. I don't think she is convinced. 

Answer your question, is he selfish?... he may not have confidence in what he is doing. Just tell him, what you like when he is there and what you prefer he not do? I hope this helps.


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## I Notice The Details (Sep 15, 2012)

```
She is self conscious about how it smells, etc.  I tell her it is fine and I love it.  I don't think she is convinced.
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I think the "scent" of a women is the strongest and most provocative thing in the world....especially when she is ovulating. I know this sounds wierd to women, but it is true! Men are naturally driven to that part of your body for many reasons....it is a "man" thing...something that my wife agrees with, but doesn't totally understand. 

All I know is that when she is ovulating....sex and kissing her down there is simply AWESOME. Sorry if this is too much info for you ladies. Damn, now I am hot and turned on just thinking about it!!!!!......where is my bride anyway?


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## Venusina (May 13, 2012)

Well!!
I always as a religion take a shower just before I go to bed but I have always felt insecure about my body odor... even after taking a good shower, and I most of the times shave, I don't like to be all hairy down there hehe, even he does that. 
Sometimes he touches me with his hands but he does not know how to because sometimes it hurts, and I always tell him I want to show him how but then he seems to get tired and loving session ends as almost always, either missionary or he behind or me on top and that's all...

Since our baby was born, we only do it once and lasts only 15 minutes and then it's over...

He says he's sleepy or tired to go for another round...


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## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

Venusina said:


> Well!!... Sometimes he touches me with his hands but he does not know how to because sometimes it hurts, and I always tell him I want to show him how but then he seems to get tired and loving session ends as almost always, either missionary or he behind or me on top and that's all...
> 
> He says he's sleepy or tired to go for another round...


Well in my younger days, I did not know how to touch my wife either and she would complain about it being painful. She decided to take my and and show me... What I found out and you already know is he is using too much force to start with and assuming like any guy does that his wife is revved up like him ready to go like a rabbit. Take his hand show him how much pressure to apply and lead him through the whole process. 

You know I used to be tired a lot too... not going to preach to anyone, but what I found out at age 51, I have more sexual energy now than I had even 10 years ago. It has all to do with maintaining a healthier lifestyle. I dropped down to my optimal weight, exercise regularly, eat within my calorie requirements and drink a *lot less* alcohol. An old Chinese man once told me he kept his wife happy with at least one cup of green tea a day. Now I don't know if it helps, but I drink my one cup a day. 

One thing I will say, don't berate him for what he does not do in bed... compliment him for what he does right and then encourage him to try things by showing him. It really is sometimes about a guy feeling self conscious about his own ability to perform and satisfy. Best of luck.


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## TheMonogamista (Oct 5, 2012)

I know everyone is saying it, but I must reiterate that washing is a big issue...and COULD be all that's standing in your way. My husband wants me fresh and clean before going down, and while I don't personally understand that (I think how I smell and taste is really sexy and always always turns me on), I just have to accept that that's what he needs and do it for him.


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## LookingForTheSun (Dec 28, 2011)

Always shower, always shave, watch what you eat during the day - that Italian sub could mean moment on your lips and a night without his....sex can get sweaty and onions, peppers, all the good stuff comes out. Ever drink a lot of coffee and not a lot of water - smells like coffee when you pee.....shower, shower, shower - and I always use coco butter on all parts of body and a nice light body spray - save perfume for going out and don't spray directly there - that coould be it too. You woudn't spray perfume in your mouth before going in for a kiss - try some cinnamon moth spray dabbed around it.


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## LookingForTheSun (Dec 28, 2011)

LookingForTheSun said:


> Always shower, always shave, watch what you eat during the day - that Italian sub could mean moment on your lips and a night without his....sex can get sweaty and onions, peppers, all the good stuff comes out. Ever drink a lot of coffee and not a lot of water - smells like coffee when you pee.....shower, shower, shower - and I always use coco butter on all parts of body and a nice light body spray - save perfume for going out and don't spray directly there - that coould be it too. You woudn't spray perfume in your mouth before going in for a kiss - try some cinnamon moth spray dabbed around it.


....sorry - mouth spray....moth spray could be toxic


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## Venusina (May 13, 2012)

Jellybeans said:


> This is the least of your problems. You have another thread saying he choked you and scared you and how he's smothering you and pushed you and calling you a "s***."
> 
> Run, Forrest, Ruuuun.




Me??? I think that's another thread where I posted something about a girl with that issue... :scratchhead:


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## Venusina (May 13, 2012)

Ok... the problem is not the showering because I always without an exception get a shower before I go to bed and if it's not bed time, then I have to take at least 5 minutes to get my V clean  I for sure won't let him even take his hands down there when It's been more than 2-3 hours since I showered... I feel really bad... 

And... this might sound nasty but... eating has to do with it? 
I drink a lof of coffee and also a lot of water, and I love onion, spicy food... Maybe that's the turn off???
I am thinking about a healthier diet now...

Also, I think I have to lose weight. I think I don't have the prettiest belly specially after my baby... Maybe my belly and I look uglier from down there? Even I would be turned off...

I want to try something tonight but I am sooo impatient!


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## livnlearn (Mar 5, 2012)

TheMonogamista said:


> (I think how I smell and taste is really sexy and always always turns me on),


do you mean how HE smells and tastes?:scratchhead:

I can't imagine NOT showering immediately before oral. If I just had a shower, but then have to pee, I clean down there again before going back to bed. Just seems like basic consideration.


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## concerned hubby (Sep 17, 2012)

Almost sounds like he has a confidence problem. Take him by the hand and show him exactly what you want. As others have said..."anatomy lesson".

Good luck!


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## LookingForTheSun (Dec 28, 2011)

*


Venusina said:



Ok... this might sound nasty but... eating has to do with it? 
I drink a lof of coffee and also a lot of water, and I love onion, spicy food... Maybe that's the turn off???
I am thinking about a healthier diet now...

Also, I think I have to lose weight. I think I don't have the prettiest belly specially after my baby... Maybe my belly and I look uglier from down there? Even I would be turned off...

I want to try something tonight but I am sooo impatient!

Click to expand...

*Yep - I know if we have an open night I go in fully prepared - clean diet (better for me anyway and I mostly stick to these days),lots of water (does a lot to help your skin glow), and no spicy foods - ha - and just texted hubby that chips and salsa sounded good tonight  

Your body givs off a natural odor. You can "enhance it" by things like soft scents in the area (bumm too), but don't spray directly unless it is edible....and everyone likes a clean mouth, so I go for the refreshing taste. No complaints so far! 


If you think you need to lose weight, make up your mind and do it! I held on to 20 lbs more than I wanted for too long. You will feel so much better for you and sexier. In the meantime, to "elongate" your midsection, lay half on the bed and half off and let him come at you from below. Your belly will look flatter, longer, and you can cup your boobs so when he looks up he will get turned on by that too (sorry -is that too much info)? Another way, you on your back on the bed with head hanging off the side while he stands over you and you "service" him - he then leans over and "services" you at the same time - your belly is flat, elongated, an he is getting a little somthin somthin so he is not thinking of what you look like, just how you taste and how he feels. I always start off with a full minute rinse of Listerine. Start off with a fresh taste in your mouth too


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## Relic (Sep 20, 2012)

Venusina,

If you take a shower or clean yourself prior to having him go down on you then there is probably no problem in that area...

...unless you have some kind of yeast infection or something. A shower won't help there. Get yourself wet sometime and touch yourself and smell/taste it. You'll know right away if the taste is neutral or bad. But you sound very self-aware of your area so I believe you are clean.

Maybe your husband doesn't know what to do down there and he lacks confidence and gets bored. 

You said he is willing to go down on you for about five minutes or so. Tell him you want ten minutes non-stop. Tell him exactly what you want him to do and not do - as he is doing it. Tell him what you want more of. Tell him when certain things he does feel good. After five minutes, change positions so that he is lying on his back and you're on top of his face with your area. In that position you have total control to move around the way you want. Try to bring yourself to orgasm if you can in the next five minutes. If you can have an orgasm in that ten minute session thank him and tell him he's a stud.

Chances are if you can get an orgasm in ten minutes of oral sex, you'll probably be satisfied with it. He'll feel good about himself. And he might want to do it more often and for a longer period of time.

If you're not confident about your body tun off the lights and light a candle. Your body is only different because you brought his child into the world. You should be just as beautiful to him as before. Work on losing the weight because it will bring about a return to your self-confidence.

Your husband is lucky to have a wife like you who wants to please him and is willing to communicate about how to make life in the bedroom more satisfying for all.


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## Relic (Sep 20, 2012)

I forgot to ask, has something changed?

What I mean is, before, did he used to enjoy going down on you for a long time? 

Or has he always been like this?

Perfoming pleasurable oral sex on a woman does not come naturally for an inexperienced or selfish man. I think the wife is the best person to teach him what to do.

It sounds like your husband might be too proud or selfish. You might need to be creative to teach him what you like without making him feel like you are teaching him. 

See my previous post. By taking control of the situation by being on top, you might be able to get pleasure by doing the work yourself and at the same time build-up his confidence by giving him the credit.

It's a good face-saving way to teaching an old-fashioned-type guy some new tricks.


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