# HD wife - the tables have turned



## doobie (Apr 15, 2014)

Having spent all of my short marriage desperate to get our sex life underway and start improving it so that I can enjoy it too, I've now reached a point where I'm wondering what's the point.

Our longest time without sex was 13 weeks earlier this year, but we have sex on average every 6 or 7 weeks, despite the fact that we've been married less than 2 years. I've been desperate and frustrated about this situation and have spoken to LD Husband about it several times. I've been careful to be sensitive and take his feelings into consideration, but the last time we discussed this I let him know that I don't feel that we have a proper marriage adn that if the situation does not improve I'm going to need to look elsewhere for sex. We're both in our mid fifties, I'm fit as a fiddle while he has heart problems, an appalling diet and drinks half a bottle of whiskey most nights. During the talks we've had about this, he's got upset and apologised for not looking after himself better during his earlier years and promised to do something about his health and drinking. He hasn't cut down on the drinking, hasn't changed his diet and has not started any exercise regime that would lead to a fitter, healthier lifestyle. He sits around reading most days until he's exhausted and has to go and lie down at about 7 or 8pm. He's also pretty soap-shy and will only bathe or shower when I insist. When I recently left him to make up his own mind when to bathe or shower, he went 2 weeks without washing! Our bed smells from his sweat and I currently change the bedding twice a week as I can't stand the smell.

I've now reached a point where I'm ready to give up - I no longer care whether or not he addresses his health issues, don't care how much he drinks, etc. I feel more like his mother making sure he washes, changes his clothes. takes his heart pills, etc. We have no intimacy any more - we don't kiss or cuddle and he's the last person I want to have sex with. I know that next time he initiates (which is probably due in 6 weeks or so) I will have to turn it down because he just turns me off. 

Has anybody else here experienced this sort of reversal and is there anything that can be done about it?


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## 4x4 (Apr 15, 2014)

It doesn't sound like his lifestyle problems just popped up in the last 2 years. How did you get to the point of marrying him in the first place?

Your both mature adults and the issues are plan for you both to see and have been discussed. You need to draw the line in the sand and see which side of it he wants to stand. You can't help someone that won't help themselves.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Wait, you've only been married a short time, both middle aged, husband has almost no sex drive, disgustingly poor hygiene, and drinks excessively?

Your man picker is serious broken!

Throw this fish back in the sea and find a new fishing spot.

There is NOTHING at all what so ever you can do to improve this situation. Nothing. At all. What so ever.


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

What are you waiting for? Stinky should be on his own.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Where is the reversal you are talking about? It sounds like things have been the same since the start.

No, it cannot be fixed.


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## ifweonly (Feb 27, 2014)

doobie said:


> * He's also pretty soap-shy and will only bathe or shower when I insist. When I recently left him to make up his own mind when toHe hasn't cut down on the drinking, hasn't changed his diet and has not started any exercise regime that would lead to a fitter, healthier lifestyle. He sits around reading most days until he's exhausted and has to go and lie down at about 7 or 8pm. He's also pretty soap-shy and will only bathe or shower when I insist. When I recently left him to make up his own mind bathe or shower, he went 2 weeks without washing! Our bed smells from his sweat and I currently change the bedding twice a week as I can't stand the smell.*
> 
> QUOTE]
> 
> Okay dooby are you a middle aged track star by any chance?? Well, Run Baby, Run as fast that you can. This situation is just so toxic you do need to escape real soon. Your husband(????) needs a solo life and it is up to you to make that happen. YOU deserve much, much better so if for no other reason --- do it for yourself. The best to you!!!


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## doobie (Apr 15, 2014)

Faithful Wife said:


> Where is the reversal you are talking about? It sounds like things have been the same since the start.
> 
> No, it cannot be fixed.


The reversal is that I've gone from being desperate to have sex to not wanting to have sex with him at all.


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## Abc123wife (Sep 18, 2013)

Why are you waiting to divorce? If I remember from your previous posts, you work full-time and he sits at home in his recliner. You may have said you can't afford to divorce. But I f you don't divorce ASAP you will be stuck paying alimony and giving him a portion of your retirement, etc. 

You made a mistake marrying him. Fix it before it becomes a really big mistake that affects the rest of your working life, your retirement, and beyond.


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## murphy5 (May 1, 2014)

doobie said:


> I'm fit as a fiddle while he has heart problems, an appalling diet and drinks half a bottle of whiskey most nights. During the talks we've had about this, he's got upset and apologised for not looking after himself better during his earlier years and promised to do something about his health and drinking. He hasn't cut down on the drinking, hasn't changed his diet and has not started any exercise regime that would lead to a fitter, healthier lifestyle. He sits around reading most days until he's exhausted and has to go and lie down at about 7 or 8pm. He's also pretty soap-shy and will only bathe or shower when I insist. When I recently left him to make up his own mind when to bathe or shower, he went 2 weeks without washing! Our bed smells from his sweat and I currently change the bedding twice a week as I can't stand the smell.
> 
> ... making sure he washes, changes his clothes. takes his heart pills, etc.


How did you not see this coming while you dated? Was there some bait and switch going on? The fact that he does not bathe should have occurred to you as you dated him? yes no?


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Could you provide some background in your pre married days, and some insights into his qualities that you saw and convinced you two to marry? How long did you date? Etc?


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## techmom (Oct 22, 2012)

john117 said:


> Could you provide some background in your pre married days, and some insights into his qualities that you saw and convinced you two to marry? How long did you date? Etc?


Inquiring minds want to know....:scratchhead:


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