# Husband wanted to leave, told his family first and now I the holidays,etc are here



## flipflop (Nov 19, 2009)

Breif background: My husband and I have been married 6 years and have children. During the course of our marriage, we have had continual issues with my MIL. My BIL is not able to commit to a relationship or a full time job. BIL is getting ready to break his engagement. My husband told me (after me asking what was wrong with him) he wanted to leave after discussing his feelings, etc with my BIL and had planned, and made arrangements, to also "run it by" my inlaws before discussing it with me. I was blindsided by his news. My husband did not leave and we are now seeing a therapist. This has all occured in the last 8 days.

We have an intimate family dinner coming up this weekend to celebrate a milestone on his side of the family. No children are included. So it will only be me, my husband, MIL, FIL, SIL and her husband and BIL and his fiance (he isn't planning on breaking up with her until after the holidays). It is also our year to spend Thanksgiving with his family. I am dreading this dinner and know that I don't have to go, if I chose not to but recognize that sooner or later I am going to have to face the awkwardness. I am completely embarassed that they all know what is going on and that several of them knew before me. I feel like I am going to be sitting in a fishbowl with them watching to see how husband and I are acting and the whole thing is really awkward for me, especially since MIL and I don't really care for eachother.

Has anyone else had to deal with a situation like this? If so, how did you handle it?


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## danavince (Nov 19, 2009)

You have no reason to feel foolish, you did nothing wrong here. Don't give any other them your power, hold your head up and be yourself. No one can make you feel anything you are not willing to feel. Your husband made a poor choice in getting his family involved in your private marital business, I am glad that you are in counseling and can work together to resolve this issue. This was no ones business but yours, so just go there, relax and enjoy yourself as best you can.


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## Atholk (Jul 25, 2009)

I think the ugly is that apparently everyone at the table knows the BIL is going to dump the fiance after Holidays. That's just cold.

If your husband is taking advice from his BIL, it's obviously given without consideration for any of your interest.


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## Sven (Nov 18, 2009)

The little horny devil in me wants to suggest that you tell the BIL's fiance his plans!

(Let us know how it goes!)


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## flipflop (Nov 19, 2009)

Thanks for the words of encouragement and observations. I have decided to go to dinner - I am going to have to deal with it eventually. Husband should be the one embarassed, not me. So, I am going to keep reminding myself of that fact.

I spoke to BILs fiance last night for the first time in a while. She hasn't a clue about BIL and I am pretty sure she doesn't know what is going on between husband and me. I feel terrible for her. When husband told me BILs plans (of course omitting his own plans to dump his wife, which was discussed the same night), I told husband that I thought it was very wrong to stay with her through the holidays and continue acting like everything is peachy when he knows he wants to end things. I think it is terribly unfair and cruel to his fiance. She is still planning the wedding and also making some career decisions based on BIL. When she realizes how far back in the past he decided he wanted out, she is going to be furious and embarassed. She doesn't deserve to be treated that way. Plus, he's still sleeping with her - don't even get me started on that.

Should be one hell of a dinner.


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## Sven (Nov 18, 2009)

flipflop said:


> She is still planning the wedding and also making some career decisions based on BIL.


I would tell her based on that comment right there. Don't let her screw up her life when you can help her.

Of course, if you can wait until sitting around the Thanksgiving table it would have a greating impact....


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## flipflop (Nov 19, 2009)

I survived dinner. Instead of being awkward, it was really sad - I wasn't prepared to be so emtional. BIL's fiance still doesn't have a clue.


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