# New toys, but would he get offended?



## jennifer1986 (Feb 4, 2012)

I ordered 3 toys and they came in. Thank God I grabbed the bag before my 6-yr-old got to it and tried to open it. :rofl: Anyways, I still have to try to figure out where to hide them (they are in closet right now). But my q is, would a man get offended by any of these? My h has not seen any of them. He knows I am quite kinky these days. 

(1) a ring with a "stimulator" on top, battery operated. I do not see any problem with this but wonder if it would tickle him. 
(2) an "extender". i am a little worried this sends the wrong implication. lots of people gave good review on that site. in my bedroom talk with h he had sometimes mentioned "you just want a big $#*& don't you". I am totally looking at this as a toy to experiment, not something i would tell him to always use or whatever, but how would a guy feel about it?
(3) a dildo, to play with the fantasy of MMF. i just took one look and went "oh man"....

anyone that has had experience can give some input...


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## justsumchik (Oct 7, 2011)

Ya, I would just throw away the extender, deep in the trash can. He never needs to know. Unless my husband buys them, which he has, I do not get dildoes... I want him to know he is more than enough for me, plus the real thing feels so much better anyway. As for the **** ring with the vibrator, that sounds fun. Once you bring that out he might have the thought to get a dildo for more fun. I'm not sure my hubby would be offended by something like that but I wouldn't have done it. It would be like if he got one of those porn star ***** masturbators because you weren't tight enough... Just for sometimes! While I might get him one and enjoy watching him use it, I wouldn't like him getting himself one.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

hmmm. I think most men would feel bad if their wife asked them to wear an extender.

hey babe how about straping this on over your c*ck and bang me.
I think his reference to you wanting a big **** was you wanting his big **** at least in his mind. 

well reverse it. would you feel bad if he ask you to wear a wig or fake boobs or said your hooha was to loose.

I'd tread lightly here. unless he says I'd like to use a big dildo on you.or if you can manage a frank conversation with him kinda beat around the bush (pun intended) 

now I bet there are some guys that wouldn't care but most would be bummed or insulted.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Dump #2 right away. When you husband talks like that during sex he is talking about himself. The extender will pretty much mean you will crush him and he will never say or think that again.

The extender and dildo all seem to be about filling you up. You do realize he is going to hear that he isn't cutting it sizewise right? this isn't about being kinky, these things seem to be to make up for what your missing from him.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Want to end your marriage? Step one: Kill your husbands ego by mocking his size (that's what the last two toys are by the way).


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## Kathrynthegreat (Apr 23, 2012)

She said the dildo was for MMF, I took that to mean she meant, her husband for one orifice and the dildo for the other? Not seeing how that would "diminish" him. . .


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

It's the dildo in combination with the extender. If the dildo was purchased alone then it MIGHT be ok. But adding the extender to the arsenal diminish's him significantly.


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## momtwo4 (May 23, 2012)

I have to agree with Working. I've noticed that my husband is pretty sensitive about his penis size. He's always making comments about how if his penis was larger, sex would be more pleasurable to me. I think he's plenty big (and I tell him that), but he does seem a little insecure about it.

He might feel that he can't measure up to your new toys. We gals have to build up our guys. JMO


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## Ano (Jun 7, 2012)

Eeek! An extender! That sounds like trouble!

Before you mention anything about it, casually ask him over to the computer while your browsing toys and innocently click on the category with the extenders, see what his reaction is. If its not a bad one, be like "wanna get one babe!"..in a cute voice....if he gets mad or offended, play it off like you were being sarcastic...but if he is all for it...then wait a week and act like you ordered it and bring it out to play!

As for the ring and dildo...that's harmless fun. 

I just bought a rabbit dildo/vibrator and my H was uneasy about it, but he's never been uneasy about my dildo or anything else. Anywho, we tried it out last night...it was nice, but I made it very known to him that I wanted him instead so he felt better about it.

So even if the toy does feel better...act like you prefer him and want him!


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## costa200 (Jun 27, 2012)

> *(2) an "extender". i am a little worried this sends the wrong implication.*


:rofl:

The wrong implication? And what might be the "right implication"?


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

i guess im different, none of this would bother me.
some guys do like for their partner to wear wigs or dress differently than they normally do for play.
its just play time, good golly!


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## kag123 (Feb 6, 2012)

2nd_t!me iz_best said:


> i guess im different, none of this would bother me.
> some guys do like for their partner to wear wigs or dress differently than they normally do for play.
> its just play time, good golly!


Truthfully, this is how my H is too. He is very open minded.

I own a very large dildo....one of those that are supposed to be mounded from a real porn star or whatever. It is much larger than my H's penis. He didn't balk at all when he saw it.

Well, he did balk a little when I told him I bought it to use on HIM. 

He does like using it on me occasionally.

They are just toys. Clearly they are not going to replace him completely.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jennifer1986 (Feb 4, 2012)

@justsumchick: my h would never in his life buy anything for me. He would not even know how. 

@chillimorn, shaggy, workingonme: his reference is not himself. He is talking about a BBC. we are petit Asians and it's just NORMAL he doesn't have a BBC. my husband is a ****y enough guy (pun~~~) that thinks he is at least normal in his ethnic group. 

yes, it's about me, but it's what he wanted--he actually was almost going to have another couple to "do us" when I adamantly refused. I told him I cannot do it with a guy without emotional connection. 

you guys are under the impression i'm mocking him. i am trying to find the alternative to him really getting some dude to do me. granted, I am almost sure when it really happens he would not like it, but i know my h--he would want to see it, believe it or not. 

@Katheryn--yes, that's exactly what I meant. one consistent fantasy is MMF, esp oral and PIV sex. honestly, that's my fantasy too. 

@ano--that's good suggestion, I will casually test water about the extender. 

@costa--yes there is a "right implication", it is we are just doing this for fun. who says a long penis is always better? might hurt like hell. 

Anyways, thanks for the feedback, and I WILL hold on the extender. The idea is to try little by little anyways. And I did buy an anal plug for him . pretty sure he will like it. 

Also, I would totally wear a wig for my h, I have never seen anyone selling fake boobs, and for a "fleshlight", I would not be offended at all if he wanted one. There is no way I am not tight because I've only had 2 C-sections and my Kegel is so powerful he says it breaks bones (verbatim). but I do not your point and will be very ginger about these toys.


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## costa200 (Jun 27, 2012)

> he actually was almost going to have another couple to "do us" when I adamantly refused. I told him I cannot do it with a guy without emotional connection.


Then give him the extender... He deserves it!


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## jennifer1986 (Feb 4, 2012)

Oh, BTW, the "extender" has ridges (or bumps, whatever) inside, and it supposedly gives the guy pleasure. so at least it's advertised as "exciting for both partners". just want to clarify I am not a selfish b#$& here.


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## costa200 (Jun 27, 2012)

> he "extender" has ridges (or bumps, whatever) inside, and it supposedly gives the guy pleasure.


:scratchhead:
Doesn't sound very pleasurable.


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## jennifer1986 (Feb 4, 2012)

costa200 said:


> :scratchhead:
> Doesn't sound very pleasurable.


haha. that's why i was asking because i have no way of knowing. i also wonder if the ring would hurt him and want to be very careful. 

The "plug" is a very small one. I am with all the good intention to try to train myself for anal (bought some lube too), but i don't think i will ever get there, i am very sensitive. so it will probably become for him.


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## 40isthenew20 (Jul 12, 2012)

I would get totally turned on if my wife bought toys on her own. Any of them.


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## donny64 (Apr 21, 2012)

jennifer1986 said:


> I ordered 3 toys and they came in. Thank God I grabbed the bag before my 6-yr-old got to it and tried to open it. :rofl: Anyways, I still have to try to figure out where to hide them (they are in closet right now). But my q is, would a man get offended by any of these? My h has not seen any of them. He knows I am quite kinky these days.
> 
> (1) a ring with a "stimulator" on top, battery operated. I do not see any problem with this but wonder if it would tickle him.
> (2) an "extender". i am a little worried this sends the wrong implication. lots of people gave good review on that site. in my bedroom talk with h he had sometimes mentioned "you just want a big $#*& don't you". I am totally looking at this as a toy to experiment, not something i would tell him to always use or whatever, but how would a guy feel about it?
> ...


The stimulating ring may be too much for him and deaden his sensation (been there, tried that).

The extender, uh, well, I think unless you're really open, and he's VERY comfortable with himself in both his own body (size) and the fact that he knows he can please and fulfil you like no other, then, maybe you could try that one. If you do, I'd darn sure not be bringing it out often.

The dildo? Hell yes! For just the reason you stated. My W also has somewhat of a MFM threesome fantasy. I'll use the dildo on her while she gives me a bj or hand job. And, sometimes with a MFM video running in the background. She does enjoy that immensely, but we do limit it to once every month or so, as we really just love to get it on together, and use stuff like that to "spice it up" every once in a while.

Also, on the dildo, not sure about your man, but I love to watch my W get herself off with it. One of my absolute favorite things. 

You may want to try a dildo that approximates his size at first, and see how he reacts to it. If you pull out the "big boy donkey dong" right out of the gates, and you're going nuts, he may feel a little inadequate, when in reality it is most likely the "naughtiness" of the situation that would be such a turn on for you as well.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

My wife has never been one for liking dildos. I have bought a few over the years but she seems to prefer me or my fingers. From a toy perspective she prefers a hatchi magic wand vibrator.

Some time ago we had a vibrating rabbit and used that some number of times for novelty. But it was a minor player.

Always been a believer that toys are just novelties to spice things up. But I do think that they could send the wrong message to some. Especially the extender. Certainly a better idea than inviting in another couple IMO. So I get where the OP is coming from ( no pun intended ).

I agree it might be a good idea to start with something of a comparable size to your hubby as opposed to the monster. He would get the message that his size is pleasurable in a dildo. I also agree that is optimal if you don't always involve the huge dildo and keep it as special.


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## mrcow (Jan 27, 2010)

I guess the price of the extender is far less than the price of a new hubby, so I'd thrash that immediately and better do it farther from home. If my wife/gf would pull it out before sex and ask me to wear it.. There's no right implication for that as someone said earlier . 

In general, if you ladies encounter a man so small that you want to dump him because of that, please figure out another believable reason. If he's lying, cheating, stealing mf bastard, do it with an extender as farewell gift 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

would not bother me at all. All of her toys I bought because I want to pleasure herto the max. I have tryed to get her to at least give me some input on new ones but she always says she likes the ones I pick out. I would have no problem with an extender either. Its all about her so if it works for her that is accomplishing the goal right!


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## step_raising (Feb 14, 2012)

Seems to me that he should be happy that you're willing to try new things with him and that you feel confident enough to share your wilder side with him... I'd be very happy that you got new toys! I believe that my wife got the "extender" (not sure if it is the same as what you got) thing for us... I loved using it - it didn't hold up though, made of silicone it ripped the top and the top part came off after one of our more active events...


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## cabin fever (Feb 9, 2012)

Yea, play that card. Its for his pleasure too. I personally would get more pleasure from bashing it into thousand pieces then putting it on my dong. 


No disrespect, but I think your hubby will be crushed.


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## jennifer1986 (Feb 4, 2012)

donny64 said:


> If you pull out the "big boy donkey dong" right out of the gates...


:rofl::rofl::rofl:

when I was looking thru the website, my eyes widened and kept whispering "OMG that's gotta hurt". I looked and looked and found the most "natural" and reasonably sized one, and it is not the flesh-colored-with-5-veins-on-side kind. it's kind of "pink jelly" type. 

Like I said, it's really for MMF fantasy and I would be doing bj on him. but I do wonder how he can reach me technically. i do not know how others do it but i prefer giving him a bj either with him lying down or me kneeling in front of him. he doesn't have the longest arms and i'm wondering if this would work.


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## jennifer1986 (Feb 4, 2012)

I seem to sense lots of male anxiety here. No offense, and I did post to get the male perspective and respect everyone's opinion, but just because your w bought an "extender" and you want to burn it, trash it, smash it...think about how your w would feel and see if she will ever buy anything else to spice things up. Like I said, in this case, it is not about mocking, comparing, putting down his THING. it is a TOY. Of course i respect his feeling. But if he simply said "hmmm. that doesn't look comfortable. i'd rather try something else", that would suffice. 

I did already say I think it's a good idea to let him look at some pics on website and see if he is willing to experiment. The idea was never "hey honey here you go I think you need this".

BTW, if this logic (buying a toy conveys dissatisfaction) always applied, then MMF toys would be conveying the message "OMG my wife would never be happy with just me f$^*&(# her. She would always need 2 men." I do understand SIZE is a very sensitive issue and I am being very careful. My point is fantasies are fantasies.


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## Kasler (Jul 20, 2012)

I've found that toys are much more fun when one of the partners is tied up, at least thats what I've discovered. 

He like being hogtied/hogtying?

The extender depends on the man, but its huge turn on for a man to see his woman nearly getting off with a dildo and then calling for him to finish the job.


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

I bought an extender a while ago. Made me a couple of inches longer and a bit thicker. My wife hated it. We used it a couple of times and then threw it out.

The key thing he is "I" bought it. I wouldn't have had a problem if she bought it after talking with me about it. But if she bought it and then talked to me about it, I could easily take it the wrong way. 

Since her husband has mentioned getting her a bigger **** (bringing in other partners) then he may not get offended. She might just have to say something like, "You wanted me to get banged by a bigger ****, so here is your chance to do it yourself."


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## jennifer1986 (Feb 4, 2012)

Kasler said:


> I've found that toys are much more fun when one of the partners is tied up, at least thats what I've discovered.


Oh, something I definitely want to do, but i was never in boy scouts and cannot even truss my chicken properly 

seriously, i really want to tie him up, but let's see, if i tie his hands then he cannot use the thing on me while i give him a bj. i guess the tying will have to be a separate game. so, anyone that has more experience tying your man up, please tell me what he likes. h will never tie me up so i have to figure out a way to do that (not that he doesn't like these things, but he is sooooo routine and sorry to say, non-creative, so it will just not occur to him to blindfold me or anything).


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## bubba29 (Feb 29, 2012)

jennifer1986 said:


> Oh, BTW, the "extender" has ridges (or bumps, whatever) inside, and it supposedly gives the guy pleasure. so at least it's advertised as "exciting for both partners". just want to clarify I am not a selfish b#$& here.



personally, i think it is fine for a woman to be selfish sexually. i find it a turn on for a woman to know what she wants and express it. i love to see my wife in ecstasy.

my penis is average based on the information available on the internet. not REAL long and not REAL girthy. i got an extension for a few reasons. #1, to fill my wife up and see if she enjoys it. #2 to last long enough to give her multiple orgasms during penetration. it achieves both those goals. a nice change of pace that both of us enjoy. 

i am very secure in myself and the relationship i have with my wife. i am not threatened by any toys, big, small, or plugged into the wall. if it makes her feel good, i love it.

as for introducing the extension to your husband, i think the idea of showing it to him on the internet first to gauge his response would be wise.


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## jennifer1986 (Feb 4, 2012)

SadSamIAm said:


> Since her husband has mentioned getting her a bigger **** (bringing in other partners) then he may not get offended. She might just have to say something like, "You wanted me to get banged by a bigger ****, so here is your chance to do it yourself."


That's pretty much what I meant...
and I keep saying, bigger doesn't mean better...I might totally hate it! pretty interesting how male ego is tied to that.
i guess the female equivalent might be boob size. but i would not be crushed over some other woman's boobs. in fact, h had said in past "perky little boobs" are attractive. I guarantee you that can sting a woman who has had kids and sagging boobs. but i shrugged. i like my C boobs that naturally follow gravity after so many years. Did have a long period of "depression" after birth and breast feeding and seeing how dramatically they changed, but now very much at peace with them.


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## ScaredandUnsure (Nov 17, 2011)

So to the men who have issues with toys that are bigger than your parts, do you only look at porn that have women that resemble your wife or do you look at a variety of women? If you insist on buying toys for your wife, does she get to choose the porn that you watch?

Just out of curiosity.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Toss the extender immediately.

It's insulting.

Everything else is fine
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

ScaredandUnsure said:


> So to the men who have issues with toys that are bigger than your parts, do you only look at porn that have women that resemble your wife or do you look at a variety of women? If you insist on buying toys for your wife, does she get to choose the porn that you watch?
> 
> Just out of curiosity.


I have bought toys for my wife that are larger than I I don't have a problem with it in fact I enjoy it.

A penis extension sends a different message though.
It's the equivlent of buying your wife a boob job for her birthday as a surprise.

The first thing she's going to think is that she's not adequate for you.

A penis extension is directly saying " you're **** isn't big enough for me"
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MarriedTex (Sep 24, 2010)

jennifer1986 said:


> I seem to sense lots of male anxiety here. No offense, and I did post to get the male perspective and respect everyone's opinion, but just because your w bought an "extender" and you want to burn it, trash it, smash it...think about how your w would feel and see if she will ever buy anything else to spice things up. Like I said, in this case, it is not about mocking, comparing, putting down his THING. it is a TOY. Of course i respect his feeling. But if he simply said "hmmm. that doesn't look comfortable. i'd rather try something else", that would suffice.
> 
> I did already say I think it's a good idea to let him look at some pics on website and see if he is willing to experiment. The idea was never "hey honey here you go I think you need this".
> 
> BTW, if this logic (buying a toy conveys dissatisfaction) always applied, then MMF toys would be conveying the message "OMG my wife would never be happy with just me f$^*&(# her. She would always need 2 men." I do understand SIZE is a very sensitive issue and I am being very careful. My point is fantasies are fantasies.


Jen, 

I guess you just need to keep re-stating your question until you get the answer you want. The overwhelming majority of posters here suggest to dump the extender. Are you really buying these for both of you? Or is it for your pleasure alone? Time for some truth telling here.

If the thought of the extender excites you and - as a result - will bring more passion for you to the bed, then go for it. If you're concerned about your husbands' feeling at all, the consensus is to drop it. 

I would suggest a joint trip to a shop where you point them out to him and then suggest how hot it would be for him to use it on you. Any other approach and you risk mentally castrating the poor fella.


It seems like you really want this extender Jen


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## ScaredandUnsure (Nov 17, 2011)

tacoma said:


> I have bought toys for my wife that are larger than I I don't have a problem with it in fact I enjoy it.
> 
> A penis extension sends a different message though.
> It's the equivlent of buying your wife a boob job for her birthday as a surprise.
> ...


Well aside from the penis extension thing, I've seen a lot of men on here and other forums say they would be offended and feel bad if their woman bought a toy that was bigger than them. I was just curious, that they wanted to buy her toys, being what was comfortable for HIM, never mind what she'd prefer. I mean I get the extension thing, but you know, they make creams for women to be "Like a Virgin" or something of that equivalent, my ex husband bought it for me actually. It didn't offend me, but then again, it didn't work. Maybe he was telling me my parts were too loose? Lol, oh well, I don't really care.

I guess it just comes down to insecurities really.


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## cabin fever (Feb 9, 2012)

for the record we have toys, and I have no problem with em at all. In fact I F'n love using em with her. 

We hower do not have a "addadong" in the collection. To me its creepy, and says "hey your schlong isn't cutting it, but put this little dohicky on, and add 5 ", and then it will be better"

you asked if he would get offened. If it was me, yea I would get offended. 

to me its no different them him comming home with a pocket cooch, and saying hey will you put this in your crotch, cause yours is a little to big. 

I do think its awesome that you are trying to spice it up though. he should be apprecitive for that, so perhaps he will see past it, and not be insecure about it. good luck.


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## pplwatching (Jun 15, 2012)

I wouldn't be offended if my wife bought new toys of any sort. In the past we've either gotten them together or I've been the one who's gotten them for us.

I personally wouldn't mind a penis extender, but then I like kink and role play and have a great imagination . If your man also enjoys role play and you can bring it up in a playful and sexy scenario, then there's a good chance he'll be fine with it. It doesn't have to be about him not being endowed enough.

If he's more vanilla or hasn't embraced your love of kink, then I agree that perhaps that's one toy that might need to be reconsidered.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

ScaredandUnsure said:


> So to the men who have issues with toys that are bigger than your parts, do you only look at porn that have women that resemble your wife or do you look at a variety of women? If you insist on buying toys for your wife, does she get to choose the porn that you watch?
> 
> Just out of curiosity.


there are just certine truths in life the the MAJORITY adheard to.

one being that most men would feel insulted or that they wern;t enough for their woman if she bought a giant toy for you to use on her or for her to use behind your back.

another is that the majority of women feel insulted if their men are masterbating to porn when they are willing and able to have sex .

If your talking about mature people who are confident in their marriage and are open to their likes and dislike then none of this would be an issue.


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## jennifer1986 (Feb 4, 2012)

MarriedTex said:


> Jen,
> 
> I guess you just need to keep re-stating your question until you get the answer you want.
> 
> It seems like you really want this extender Jen


For the last time...

(1) I totally hear people and I will not bring out the extender and I think the suggestion that I test out the idea with my h first (looking at pics, etc) then see if he's up to it is good.
(2) There is a good reason I do not TRASH things--
I never trash ANYTHING I buy, online or in store. Things cost $. Unless I am sure he's totally against the idea (and then I will return it unused for a refund. Adam and Eve allows it). That's been the way I have been all my life. I am a cheapskate. It has nothing to do that I really want this thing in my v. (if big is all I want then the dildo would do the job)
(3) the extender is because so many times he has said he wanted someone else (a person of different ethnicity and "naturally" has a "big" thing) to do me. so it's kind of a role play thing.


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## jaharthur (May 25, 2012)

I have to agree about the extender. That would feel a bit like rejection. Somehow I wouldn't have the same reaction to a dildo larger than me--I'm not sure why I feel differently.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

jennifer1986 said:


> For the last time...
> 
> (1) I totally hear people and I will not bring out the extender and I think the suggestion that I test out the idea with my h first (looking at pics, etc) then see if he's up to it is good.
> (2) There is a good reason I do not TRASH things--
> ...


I think if he has personaly said he wants another guy to do you then thats a whole different thing.

in this case I think you could break it out and say try this you mentioned another person with a big thing doing me and to me that is unacceptabl but If you want to try this big dildo or extender then I would be up for experimenting with YOU because I love you and only you


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## bubba29 (Feb 29, 2012)

jennifer1986 said:


> For the last time...
> 
> (3) the extender is because so many times he has said he wanted someone else (a person of different ethnicity and "naturally" has a "big" thing) to do me. so it's kind of a role play thing.


i reread your OP. since he knows you are "kinky these days". why don't you go online with him and do some kinky shopping together. stumble upon the things you recently bought and gauge his reaction. look at the extender and remind him of what he said in the past and see if he'd be interested in trying it. maybe give him a blowjob first but don't finish him off. he would probably say yes to anything at that point.


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## lifeisnotsogood (Jun 11, 2012)

jennifer1986 said:


> I ordered 3 toys and they came in. Thank God I grabbed the bag before my 6-yr-old got to it and tried to open it. :rofl: Anyways, I still have to try to figure out where to hide them (they are in closet right now). But my q is, would a man get offended by any of these? My h has not seen any of them. He knows I am quite kinky these days.
> 
> (1) a ring with a "stimulator" on top, battery operated. I do not see any problem with this but wonder if it would tickle him.
> (2) an "extender". i am a little worried this sends the wrong implication. lots of people gave good review on that site. in my bedroom talk with h he had sometimes mentioned "you just want a big $#*& don't you". I am totally looking at this as a toy to experiment, not something i would tell him to always use or whatever, but how would a guy feel about it?
> ...


If I was having that kind of experience, I wouldn't be on this site. Sorry, no help from me, but I think your H is quite lucky


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## jennifer1986 (Feb 4, 2012)

chillymorn said:


> If your talking about mature people who are confident in their marriage and are open to their likes and dislike then none of this would be an issue.


I've been reading this book about "differentiation", it is quite eye-opening, and this is a major theme. "Undifferentiated" h and w have many problems because they are emotionally "fused", in other words dependent on each other but not "with their feet firmly standing on the ground". So if one wobbles the other one falls. These people get offended and grow resentment by the SO's action. My h happens to never masturbate with porn (he would just do it to release tension without any visual aids), but I personally would do it (not frequently, but if I'm bored enough). I do not see why he would or should get mad over it. Now, I am not talking about a h that only masturbates and ignores the w, but there are other issues going on with that. I am talking about 2 people having a healthy sex life and either one occasionally watches porn/masturbates, and would not mind if the SO joins him/her. 

I am not saying in anyway I am differentiated enough at this point, but I need to work on it. To find my true sexuality (that is acceptable to my partner, needless to say) I need to overcome many hurdles. A year ago buying toys would never cross my mind--heck, I was probably the most LD bordering ND w you can find. I understand this big shift in me would take some getting used to on my h's side. And life is just life--h was out of town, then my period came, then i was about to tease him and he got in a big fight with son, now my role is the mediator/nice mom. No kinkiness for a while....


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## Kasler (Jul 20, 2012)

jennifer1986 said:


> Oh, something I definitely want to do, but i was never in boy scouts and cannot even truss my chicken properly
> 
> seriously, i really want to tie him up, but let's see, if i tie his hands then he cannot use the thing on me while i give him a bj. i guess the tying will have to be a separate game. so, anyone that has more experience tying your man up, please tell me what he likes. h will never tie me up so i have to figure out a way to do that (not that he doesn't like these things, but he is sooooo routine and sorry to say, non-creative, so it will just not occur to him to blindfold me or anything).


...I'm a guy. Did I come off as woman? 

I personally like being blindfolded while tied and then teased before getting the prize. One time she was rubbing my nipples while also having a vibrating c*ck ring on me when out of no where I was suddenly inside her b*lls deep with the ring still on and I busted within seconds. 

The surprise of it is a huge turn on when the waiting partner has no idea to expect. I returned the favor by surprising her with DP using a vibrator while having sex and being tied up on my lap. She had a huge orgasm in the next minute.

You may have to surprise him to it. I was adverse to the idea of being helpless while tied up so I always refused until one day I woke up with cuffs around my wrists. 

It was weird at first and she was nervous but we both got into it quickly. 

Not to say thats the move you should make but your h may just need to try it first.


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## jennifer1986 (Feb 4, 2012)

Kasler said:


> ...I'm a guy. Did I come off as woman?


Not really. Being tied is being tied, and it's much harder to tie myself than to tie my man. I would not mind either way, but are you saying as a guy you would be offended by being tied?


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## Imnotthatold (Jul 21, 2012)

I'm a guy myself and Wouldnt see any issue on whering an extender or trying any other toys with my wife if she wanted that. I guess reading the posts on here, most women assume that a guy would get offended by it. Maybe you should ask the guy how he feels or somehow bring up the idea...... I'm sure most men would be willing to do this and be happy about it. I know I would rather see my wife happy instead of her going out and finding another guy that was bigger just to see what it was like


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## jennifer1986 (Feb 4, 2012)

for all that think women think bigger is better...

I went ahead and tested out toy #(3). The reason I have no first-hand experience is simple. There have been only 2 sex partners all my life and they are comparable in size. 

So, my conclusion for myself is, bigger is definitely NOT better. Every woman is different. My 0 size body is just fine with my h, and a huuuuuuge thing actually is, to say the least, not very comfortable....

I'd better tell my h to use that toy very gingerly with this MMF fantasy.


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## Imnotthatold (Jul 21, 2012)

jennifer1986 said:


> for all that think women think bigger is better...
> 
> I'd better tell my h to use that toy very gingerly with this MMF fantasy.


his or yours?


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## bubba29 (Feb 29, 2012)

jennifer1986 said:


> for all that think women think bigger is better...
> 
> I went ahead and tested out toy #(3). The reason I have no first-hand experience is simple. There have been only 2 sex partners all my life and they are comparable in size.
> 
> ...


if you are not used to it, a big penis or toy is not something you rush into. definitely have to be really turned on and lubed up.


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## jennifer1986 (Feb 4, 2012)

Kasler said:


> I personally like being blindfolded while tied....
> 
> one day I woke up with cuffs around my wrists.


Oh, you must have added the details later. 

Handcuffs...want to try them, but my cheapo side is working again...don't want to spend the $$ on something we would use only once (I am sure it would surprise him and be kind of fun but a repeat action would lose that factor). I keep thinking I can tie him to something, but none of our beds has any post. Perhaps the bunk bed would work.


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## Inside_Looking_Out (Apr 8, 2012)

jennifer1986 said:


> I keep thinking I can tie him to something, but none of our beds has any post. Perhaps the bunk bed would work.


No need for posts on your bed...just get two ropes that are long enough to fit under your mattress. One for the head of the bed, and one for the foot of the bed (if you want to tie his ankles as well). Make a knotted loop at each end. Whatever you use to tie his wrists with, you can then tie to the loop. 

Nice thing is, these are easy to hide, just under the edge of the mattress, until you are ready to pounce!


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## jennifer1986 (Feb 4, 2012)

Inside_Looking_Out said:


> No need for posts on your bed...just get two ropes that are long enough to fit under your mattress. One for the head of the bed, and one for the foot of the bed (if you want to tie his ankles as well). Make a knotted loop at each end. Whatever you use to tie his wrists with, you can then tie to the loop.
> 
> Nice thing is, these are easy to hide, just under the edge of the mattress, until you are ready to pounce!


mamamia! that's why I said I was never in boy scouts....these knots would drive me crazy. well, I might try. 

Can you imagine if I tied him up then get distracted (you never know in a house with 2 kids) and he is found in such compromising position (I mean at least still with some clothes on, for #^* sake) by one of the kids? just that thought makes me never consider this deal EVER. :rofl:


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## 16andCounting (Aug 4, 2012)

WorkingOnMe said:


> It's the dildo in combination with the extender. If the dildo was purchased alone then it MIGHT be ok. But adding the extender to the arsenal diminish's him significantly.


Too funny. It had not occurred to me that the message he would get is "Honey, you're too small and by the way I need a second one in me too!"

I too think he was talking about himself.


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## DDC (Jul 16, 2012)

jennifer1986 said:


> I seem to sense lots of male anxiety here. No offense, and I did post to get the male perspective and respect everyone's opinion, but just because your w bought an "extender" and you want to burn it, trash it, smash it...think about how your w would feel and see if she will ever buy anything else to spice things up. Like I said, in this case, it is not about mocking, comparing, putting down his THING. it is a TOY. Of course i respect his feeling. But if he simply said "hmmm. that doesn't look comfortable. i'd rather try something else", that would suffice.
> 
> I did already say I think it's a good idea to let him look at some pics on website and see if he is willing to experiment. The idea was never "hey honey here you go I think you need this".
> 
> BTW, if this logic (buying a toy conveys dissatisfaction) always applied, then MMF toys would be conveying the message "OMG my wife would never be happy with just me f$^*&(# her. She would always need 2 men." I do understand SIZE is a very sensitive issue and I am being very careful. My point is fantasies are fantasies.


You're not being careful. You're being selfish. Unless he's overly large, penis size, to most men, is a sensitive subject. You're asking men's advice and they are overwhelmingly telling you it's a bad idea.

Think about it. You're asking him to put something over his penis and then put it inside you. If he's sensitive about his size and you know this, buying this for him is demeaning.

You say he's sensitive about his size and that he wants to have someone else sleep with you. I'll tell you what he most likely wants. He wants you to tell him that his p is just the right size for your p.

And puh-lease about the saving money angle. PUH-LEASE. If I bought something -even with good intentions - for my wife and then found out it might humiliate her, do you really think it would be smart of me to give it to her and then give her a lecture on how I didn't want to be wasteful? :scratchhead:


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## jennifer1986 (Feb 4, 2012)

I cannot "quote" on my mobile phone, but for the last poster--
I was here to ask people's opinion and i listened. U r not reading my responses. I never said i would force something on my SO to not waste $. It was in response to people shouting OMG trash it right away, i said i would not do it, i would return it. I already responded how i would carefuly test out the idea with h (by looking at website with him) then decide. 
For the last last time, there is a big story behind why I bought the extender. I do not want h to go up to some hunky guy in gym and invite him to do me. (yes my h would really do that under the wrong impression it would please me). And i already said i do not like big size. I WILL let my h know that, but it's more proof if he SAW how it does not pleasure me as much as he thought it would. 
SO, anyone that just comes out and calls me selfish, please save the comment. If u do not have the patience to go thru people's responses, please refrain from further comments.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mr Blunt (Jul 18, 2012)

> *By Jennifer*(3) the extender is because so many times he has said he wanted someone else (a person of different ethnicity and "naturally" has a "big" thing) to do me. so it's kind of a role play thing.


If anything it seems that Jennifer’s extender is the least offensive. Actually I do not see how Jennifer’s husband could get all bent out of shape over the extender. If husband wants a non-Asian with a “BIG” thing to pump Jennifer then I doubt that an extender would be all that upsetting to him.

Of the two, I think Jennifer has taken the least offensive thing to be inserted into her. I do not understand how Jennifer’s husband thinks. *Most men that I know will fight any man that touches his wife’s private parts. I cannot understand a man that wants another man to pump his wife with a “BIG” thing![/*COLOR]


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## jennifer1986 (Feb 4, 2012)

Mr Blunt said:


> *Most men that I know will fight any man that touches his wife’s private parts. I cannot understand a man that wants another man to pump his wife with a “BIG” thing![/*COLOR]




Well, I have certainly seen that mentioned over and over again. But I have also seen quite a few men here (or their wives) mention that the h wants to see someone else do the wife. 

The reasons can be manyfold, of course, voyeurism being one. In my case, it's partly because we are still working on my getting a real o in PIV sex. It's a common difficulty, and I am quite confident we will get there. However, my h sometimes gets this wrong impression "probably all you need is someone else". Yes yes yes I have reassured him multiple times that's not the problem. But it gets to be a touchy subject because I do want to somehow let him learn new ways to touch me. If sex was not a complex topic, this forum would not always have >900 viewers (every time I look) while some others have 20. I am doing my best to work on our connections, issues besides sex, and in the meantime spicing things up.


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## pplwatching (Jun 15, 2012)

jennifer1986 said:


> I do not want h to go up to some hunky guy in gym and invite him to do me. (yes my h would really do that under the wrong impression it would please me). And i already said i do not like big size. I WILL let my h know that, but it's more proof if he SAW how it does not pleasure me as much as he thought it would.


I guess I am not following this line of thought. Would you have been open to having sex with another man if you had enjoyed the larger toy? If not then it sounds like the two of you need communication more than you need toys. 

I personally don't believe that sharing the marriage bed with other men is healthy or good for a marriage, but if your views differ then that's between the two of you. If you've told him that you want monagamy and that "big" is just fantasy then I humbly suggest that what your husband needs is to understand and respect your value system with respect to fidelity and monagamy.


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## jennifer1986 (Feb 4, 2012)

pplwatching said:


> I guess I am not following this line of thought. Would you have been open to having sex with another man if you had enjoyed the larger toy? If not then it sounds like the two of you need communication more than you need toys.


No, in an earlier reply I had stated that I would not even ATTEMPT sex with anyone with any size, because I will not have sex with a man without emotional connection. 

In the post right above your reply, I explained why my h has this erroneous impression that another man can please me. He went as far as actually calling on another "couple" (complete strangers), and I firmly told him NO. 

So, we did communicate. He knows my bottom line. But since he had (and still has) this wrong impression about another man with another tool, I was trying to partly fulfill his fantasy.


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## pplwatching (Jun 15, 2012)

You're right. It is very complex.



jennifer1986 said:


> In my case, it's partly because we are still working on my getting a real o in PIV sex. It's a common difficulty, and I am quite confident we will get there.


My wife doesn't orgasm from PIV sex alone. When she's ready, one of us will stimulate her clit until she orgasms. I don't think she's alone in needing clitoral stimulation to orgasm.



> However, my h sometimes gets this wrong impression "probably all you need is someone else". Yes yes yes I have reassured him multiple times that's not the problem. But it gets to be a touchy subject because I do want to somehow let him learn new ways to touch me.


I think it's dangerous to get so focused on orgasm as the goal of sex that we lose sight of the fact that we get so much more from it. I personally think that the loving and intimate way that we get there is more important than getting there. For us at least, the emotional component is huge. 

Of course it's fun to experiment and try new things, and I think it's great that you are open to them. I have learned that we both get a lot out of experimenting with new things. I think it's great that you are reassuring your husband. He just needs to work on shedding the insecurity. 

You are among friends here, by the way.


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## pplwatching (Jun 15, 2012)

I apologize for our replies getting out of sync. We're each posting while the other is writing


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## virgil (Sep 11, 2010)

Like the above posts it depends on the man. I personally love watching my wife getting pleasure from the rabbit and the **** rings are ok but you need to find the right thing. 

You should try the butterfly vibe that you strap on you with him behind, you will both get a good vibe from them.

With the extender you need to be sure hes going to accept it without feeling "small". I like the idea of just stumbling across them and seeing what his response is. I personally like the idea.


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## Mr Blunt (Jul 18, 2012)

> Most men that I know will fight any man that touches his wife’s private parts. I cannot understand a man that wants another man to pump his wife with a “BIG” thing![/COLOR]
> 
> Reply by jennifer
> Well, I have certainly seen that mentioned over and over again. But I have also seen quite a few men here (or their wives) mention that the h wants to see someone else do the wife.


*Ask those men to truthfully tell you how many have a long term marriage.*

If having another man pump your wife is acted upon the marriage will have a very poor chance of being a long term marriage. IMO any man that wants another man to pump his wife is twisted!


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## jennifer1986 (Feb 4, 2012)

Mr Blunt said:


> IMO any man that wants another man to pump his wife is twisted!


IMO some of these men are really ok with the idea, while some will probably start wanting to scream if it's really acted upon. I categorize my h in the latter group. But I am not interested in convincing him with real action. 
I do not call this twisted mind. I think certain people do not know how they will react with certain situations until they are really in it. This is true with not just sex, but life in general. 

You can also argue some men might secretly hope their w will NOT be so pleased with another man, thus enhancing their "reflected-self in the spouse". Their self-image and confidence depend too much on the w. They need "other-validation". Ah, I have been really getting into _Passionate Marriage_ --it's a good book.


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## Mr Blunt (Jul 18, 2012)

> Originally Posted by Mr Blunt
> *IMO any man that wants another man to pump his wife is twisted!*
> 
> Reply by Jennifer
> IMO some of these men are really ok with the idea, while some will probably start wanting to scream if it's really acted upon. I categorize my h in the latter group. *But I am not interested in convincing him with real action*.



*Jennifer, your mind is not twisted*


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