# Meh!



## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

So I have been dating this woman for a few months. Tonight she comes over, we have sex and go out. So far so good. Then she has a few drinks and starts to pressure me into some sort of commitment, When I refuse she decides she is going to go home. She says I need to decide what I want. Now, at the present my feeling is Meh! Not willing to commit, either enjoy the moment or don't, no skin off my nose.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

Do her a favor and stop dating her.


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

How long have you been dating her? 

If you don't want a relationship to lead to commitment, we're you crystal clear with her about this, before you had sex? 

Sounds like she likes you more than you like her.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

What kind of commitment is she looking for ?


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## pineapple (Apr 9, 2016)

Satya said:


> How long have you been dating her?
> 
> If you don't want a relationship to lead to commitment, we're you crystal clear with her about this, before you had sex?
> 
> Sounds like she likes you more than you like her.


He very clearly stated he's been dating her a few months.


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

Yep, I missed it.


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

End it now instead of trying to talk her thru it and get her to understand your position.

I had the same thing happen to me, out of the blue this woman I had been seeing for just a few months had some sort of emotional breakdown crying and begging for me to promise I would never leave her. I kept assuring I was happy but had no inclination to make a life time commitment after just a few months. From there things just got worse, we would have a great day together but ten minutes after parting she would be calling or texting me begging me to never break up with her.

It was obvious I couldn't give her what she wanted so I ended it. Sounds like you need to do the same thing, two people at different places emotionally aren't going to make each other happy.


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## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

Four months. She started talking about moving across the country. I am not ready to make that kind of commitment yet


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

She thinks that after 4 months, that should be enough "vetting" time for you to decide if you're on board for the next step. 

The truth is you're not, you need longer, so just tell her that, go NC, and move on.


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## joannacroc (Dec 17, 2014)

If someone I had been dating for 4 months described their feelings for me as "meh" I would run for the hills. On the other hand, it's REALLY quick to decide to move across the country for someone. If you have any feelings of like or respect for her whatsoever, let her go. I get that you're going through a hard time right now, but without knowing her, I still venture she probably deserves more than to be anyone's "meh."


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## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

joannacroc said:


> If someone I had been dating for 4 months described their feelings for me as "meh" I would run for the hills. On the other hand, it's REALLY quick to decide to move across the country for someone. If you have any feelings of like or respect for her whatsoever, let her go. I get that you're going through a hard time right now, but without knowing her, I still venture she probably deserves more than to be anyone's "meh."


I never described my feelings for her as "Meh!" So I don't know where you are getting that. I described my feelings for what happened as "Meh!" I like her, a lot, I am just not ready to make plans to up and move away yet. 
Believe it or not "Meh!" sure beats panic, devastation, anxiety or any of the other things I might have felt in my past. Such feelings would have led me to make commitments and promises I would later regret.
I have been very clear that the way things were going was fine with me. So, she wants more. I understand that. But I can't give it to her.
The fact is that if she really wants a relationship with me, she has to accept that I am giving the best I can give. I accept the same thing from her. If she isn't willing to wait and see how things develop on my terms, then there is nothing I can do about it. I enjoy our time together and I will not be happy if that is how it ends. But all I can do is accept and move on, just as she must.


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## joannacroc (Dec 17, 2014)

My apologies if I paraphrased incorrectly. But it does seem like that sums up how you feel about her. Maybe I'm being overly flippant. Suffice it to say, you want different things. And your response to her request for commitment suggests she either moves at your pace, or things don't move forward. I can't tell without knowing you whether your "no skin off my nose" is genuine, but I'm assuming it is. If that's really how you feel, either she moves forward on your terms or not at all, then I still think it would be kinder to her to let her go. You obviously aren't comfortable with each other's pace. She's moving too quickly for you, you're moving too slowly for her. It sounds like neither of you want to budge, based on her parting comment about you needing to decide what you want. I don't really see any way out of this other than you guys breaking up. For what it's worth, I sympathize. It's hard to form a lasting attachment or really believe you know someone fully after 4 months. I wouldn't be ready for someone to move across the country for me after that short a period.


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## BlueWoman (Jan 8, 2015)

My impression, @Ynot, is not so much that you are meh about her, but maybe more meh about relationships in general right now. Although, I do think 4 months is too short of a period of time to make major commitments to someone. In any case, I think you have decided what you want, which is a more casual dating relationship. She either doesn't like what you are saying so is ignoring it, or you haven't been clear enough to her. If it's the former, run for the hills. If it's the latter then you need to fix that. 

Also, I think you already know this, but I'll say it anyway: It is absolutely okay for you to want to keep things casual. There is nothing wrong with you that it's all you want to give right now.


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## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

@BlueWoman, you are correct. Although I am not exactly meh about a relationship either. I very much would like to have the one I want. This one COULD develop into that, but I don't want to put the cart before the horse. I don't see the sense in forcing things, instead of letting them develop naturally. I guess my OP was more a recognition of how far I have come rather than a request for advice. In my past, if I really liked a woman. I would bend over backwards to do anything that she wanted. Which often led to making promises and commitments I really didn't want to make. After all, SHE was the ONE! Now my attitude is that I will see where this goes, one day at a time. I will offer, she can accept or not, and I will decide to accept or not what she offers. Perhaps meh wasn't the proper term but it did describe how I felt about the disagreement we had. I was enforcing a boundary which was something I was not too good at before.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

sounds like black mail to me. run forest run 

4 months and she wants a commitment. will she pull this stunt with every decision you guys make.

I'm not getting want I want so I will act like a b!tch until you give me what I want.


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

Good relationship can't really come out of that kind of pressure. Either both parties are on the same page, or they're not.

Be honest. Tell her you care for her very much, but you don't respond well to emotional threats (she would know that if she knows your history and this absolutely is what she is doing). If she wants to stay in the relationship and see how it evolves-great. If not, maybe she should move on.


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