# Where is everyone at in their lives? For better or worse?



## krismimo (Jan 26, 2011)

Hello all! I opened this thread not to be nosey that is not my intent. But there are a few posters who have been on here for awhile (Newbies as well) and sometimes all we ask is what is going on but not really where we are mentally? So where are you in our journey in this crazy life? There is no right answer, besides if were not honest with ourselves how can we be honest with others? And yes if asked I will be happy to share as well.


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## krismimo (Jan 26, 2011)

And When I speak of honesty regarding our feelings.


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## shy_guy (Jan 25, 2012)

Just asking where we are is like asking the meaning of the universe. Where should I start? You don't really want to give me an open ended writing opportunity, believe me. 

I'd say I'm in about the best place I've been up to now in life. I've always been an optimist, but I'm really a happy person now. I'm proud of my kids and in a good place with them (2 adult daughters, 1 son still at home). I'm in love with my wife, happy at home, fulfilled. I'm challenged at work - something I need to maintain happiness on the job. I'm just happy to get up in the morning and see what I can get into during the day.

At the moment, I'm anxious to get home to that sexy little lady that's shared the last 27 years with me.


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## krismimo (Jan 26, 2011)

YAY first post. No pleae write as much as you want I love to write things out. I see a mixture of feelings on here so I just wanted to see how everyone else was doing. I like talking ot people and helping others (If I can) it can be a healthy destraction plus karma points wouldnt hurt. I'am married as well not as long as you have but for the most part is is pretty good I think it is your outlook on things in general.


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## Mistys dad (Dec 2, 2011)

I freakin' love my life.

Having a blast. Taking incredible adventures. Meeting great people.

Have the time, money and motivation to do what I want, when I want.

Love the US and decided to see more of it a couple of years ago. I grabbed my Harley(s) and hit the road. Been through 47 states in the last 3 years, most of them on long solo trips. It taught me to go anywhere, talk to anyone, and make a good time.

Love my Wife. Love being married. Love being faithful.

I am looking forward to the years to come. If the power-that-be decides otherwise, I've lived my share.


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## Accipiter777 (Jul 22, 2011)

After nearly 8 months of serious depression and feeling my marriage was dying or already dead, I'm better now and hope to keep moving in that direction. Understanding what my wife's needs are, and her understanding mine have paved the way to a stronger marriage.


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## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

I'm in a good place too!

I've been a mummy for 25 years and had a baby/child when I met my H so we've never had time for just 'us'... presently we have a 14, 16 and 25 year old (who is flatting)

Now my youngest is a teenager and can be left home alone legally H and i are having a blast.

Nowadays we abandon the boys regulary, we don't have to organise and then pay for a babysitter and do all the running around that entails and the boys are big enough to look after themselves as far as cooking , looking after the property etc...

We have spontaneity for the first time in our relationship and its... far-out and fabulous! :smthumbup:


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

Age: I am 39, and my husband is 35. We are young and healthy! 

Marriage: We are going to have our seventh anniversary in June, happy years, and we are looking forward to spend the rest of our life happily together. The journey is long, but when the scenery is beautiful, it's all enjoyable. 

Career: There is no career for us. My husband used to be an accountant in Canada, now he teaches English in Taiwan. I am a teacher also. We don't have ladders to climb, and we don't like to climb ladders, so teaching is a good job for us. The only drawback is sometimes we have to deal with students with bad attitude or students who are slow at learning, not easy. Salary is good, and hours are good. If we can keep the way we are now for another twenty years, wonderful! 

Life in general: We own a small apartment, mortgage is about to be paid off. Actually if we put our savings together, it's enough to pay off the mortgage now. We like to keep some cash with us in case bad things happen. We don't have cars. We go to work by motorcycles. My husband is considering buying another heavy motorcycle, that's just for fun. We don't have other kinds of debt. 

Family: My parents are about eighty years old. They are old and sick. My in-laws are about sixty years old, still young and healthy. They just retired. I have a son from my first marriage. He lives with his father, and he comes to visit me every Saturday. Right now he is in the eighth grade.



Overall, my life is happy and peaceful. Sometimes I miss my families and become homesick.


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## Chelle D (Nov 30, 2011)

Up and down.
Finding out more about myself and some suggestions of how to deal with my issues, have been a plus for me. However, it still hurts to see some truths that I have buried my head in the sand about.

I guess i'm in it for the "better" or worse. Marriage was getting on the "better" side in past couple months. THen, suddenly, he's so busy & coming home late all the time again. I feel left out, so I feel so much like reaching out & talking to others about it.

He would be ballistic if he knew I was talking about parts of it here.


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## desert-rose (Aug 16, 2011)

I am glad to hear that so many of you are happy.  Check out the infidelity boards or separation/ divorce boards and you'll see a different mood altogether. Maybe I'm posting on the wrong board...

Me? I'm effing miserable. I'm still in love with my emotionally abusive, serial cheating husband and hopeful that we can fix this disaster of a marriage, even though we are currently separated (6 months of limbo, not sure which way it will go). Neither of us wanted to be separated, but he was out of control and there was a family intervention. He's sending me vague threats of violence because I objected to his cheating and abusiveness. I occasionally try to talk some sense into him. He doesn't want to apologize; I insist that he needs to get anger management. We throw in the towel; then one of us decides to say it isn't over yet. It's a stand-off. Limbo sucks. I'm trying to finish my PhD and am at the very very last stage but I'm so depressed I want to off myself most days and am crushed by stress and grief and struggling every day in the hope that I can finish my work and graduate. Miss my WH and mad as hell at him for his behavior and its horrible timing; know I deserve better; know he didn't mean to be this way and is ill; know that love makes us do very stupid things. Grateful as hell for my counselor/therapist. Family loves me but don't understand what I'm going through and are far away and lots going on there, too; I'm worried WH will beat them up out of his desire for revenge, but restraining order isn't an option. Not a happy place to be. Barely hanging on by a thread.

Be grateful for what you got, folks, 'cause some of us are struggling to find that silver lining every day!


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## shy_guy (Jan 25, 2012)

desert-rose said:


> Be grateful for what you got, folks, 'cause some of us are struggling to find that silver lining every day!


We really need a "sympathize" button, or at least an "Acknowledge" button. There are some posts that I read, and understand what I'm reading, and really appreciate the part of the heart that person is baring, but it's just inappropriate and insensitive to put a "like" on it.

Desert-rose, I'd put a "sympathize," or an "acknowledge" on your post, but I just can't say I like it because that might imply I like what you're going through ... 

But you do help us be grateful as you said in your last sentence.


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## GreenEyes (Jan 27, 2011)

Um, I'm at an I don't know place in my life right now.....I love my H, but I don't think that we want the same things out of a relationship/life.....I feel like he still wants to be single and young on the weekends, whereas I want to go out and have fun and be young on the weekends, but I also do not deny the fact that I am 29, married with 2 kids....

I'm confused and I really don't know what to do with my life...I love my H, but feel that we will never be at the same place in our lives....I feel that we were raised too differently to make it work....I've bended as much as I am willing, and apparently so has he, and it's still not enough...I don't know I have a lot of thinking to do


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## Jayb (Mar 6, 2012)

I'm going through the worst experience in my life. WAW, refuses any chance. 2 small children and me aren't worth 1 last fight.

I'm distraught. I love a woman who doesn't exist anymore. And I am partly responsible for that past person's demise and death.

I'm so sad. So hurt. And yet, so determined.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

I've been generally ok, though everything has piled on in my mind and for the past couple hours I've been a sobbing mess. I think once I get this out of my system I'll be ok again.


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## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

shy_guy said:


> We really need a "sympathize" button, or at least an "Acknowledge" button. There are some posts that I read, and understand what I'm reading, and really appreciate the part of the heart that person is baring, but it's just inappropriate and insensitive to put a "like" on it .


I feel this too... I want to say 'i hear you' or 'i'm sorry your so sad'...maybe we need a cyber-hug button???


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## Love Song (Jan 16, 2012)

Mentally, I'm in a destructive place. 

My husband and I cant seem to communicate well though our communication was perfect our first few years together. He doesn't take care of my needs, nor will he let me take care of his own. Yet when I offer to most times he wont let me. I'm in a marriage where I find I have to defend myself and my feelings where in the beginning he was completely understandable which was just what I needed. 

I masturbate to porn most nights because we don't have much sex. The longer I stay in this marriage the more I resent my husband for what I gave up for him and the lack of what I get in return. And for the lack of appreciation. 

Quite honestly I feel trapped, like there's no happy ending here no matter which road I take and so why go on?


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## shy_guy (Jan 25, 2012)

Love Song, this may not have been a major point in your post, but your line about him not letting you take care of his needs really made me think of something my wife and I have talked about. You know, one of my needs is actually to take care of her. I found when we talked about this that one of her needs was to take care of me.

We were both so independent minded that it took a real paradigm shift for us to let go and let the other one take care of things we thought would be easier for us to take care of ourselves. We did it when we recognized it wasn't just the other person being nice (although they were), but it really was a need of each to take care of the other. I don't think I've ever heard anyone else express it like that, but it is reality with us, and something we still have to negotiate sometimes. That is where the "Treat her like a princess" comes from in many of my posts ... I wish you could see how she treats me, too - I'm treated like a prince. It just works out well for us ... we *need* to take care of each other.


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## Love Song (Jan 16, 2012)

shy_guy said:


> Love Song, this may not have been a major point in your post, but your line about him not letting you take care of his needs really made me think of something my wife and I have talked about. You know, one of my needs is actually to take care of her. I found when we talked about this that one of her needs was to take care of me.
> 
> We were both so independent minded that it took a real paradigm shift for us to let go and let the other one take care of things we thought would be easier for us to take care of ourselves. We did it when we recognized it wasn't just the other person being nice (although they were), but it really was a need of each to take care of the other. I don't think I've ever heard anyone else express it like that, but it is reality with us, and something we still have to negotiate sometimes. That is where the "Treat her like a princess" comes from in many of my posts ... I wish you could see how she treats me, too - I'm treated like a prince. It just works out well for us ... we *need* to take care of each other.



I could see that being the case for him. Whenever I have an issue he tries to take care of me instead of addressing the issue. sigh. 

But when he doesn't let me take care of him it makes me feel like we aren't equals and I'm not needed. Now if we could learn to communicate better maybe we could work something out. double sigh...


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

desert-rose said:


> I am glad to hear that so many of you are happy.  Check out the infidelity boards or separation/ divorce boards and you'll see a different mood altogether. Maybe I'm posting on the wrong board...
> 
> Me? I'm effing miserable. I'm still in love with my emotionally abusive, serial cheating husband and hopeful that we can fix this disaster of a marriage, even though we are currently separated (6 months of limbo, not sure which way it will go). Neither of us wanted to be separated, but he was out of control and there was a family intervention. He's sending me vague threats of violence because I objected to his cheating and abusiveness. I occasionally try to talk some sense into him. He doesn't want to apologize; I insist that he needs to get anger management. We throw in the towel; then one of us decides to say it isn't over yet. It's a stand-off. Limbo sucks. I'm trying to finish my PhD and am at the very very last stage but I'm so depressed I want to off myself most days and am crushed by stress and grief and struggling every day in the hope that I can finish my work and graduate. Miss my WH and mad as hell at him for his behavior and its horrible timing; know I deserve better; know he didn't mean to be this way and is ill; know that love makes us do very stupid things. Grateful as hell for my counselor/therapist. Family loves me but don't understand what I'm going through and are far away and lots going on there, too; I'm worried WH will beat them up out of his desire for revenge, but restraining order isn't an option. Not a happy place to be. Barely hanging on by a thread.
> 
> Be grateful for what you got, folks, 'cause some of us are struggling to find that silver lining every day!


I refuse to live an unhappy life. Ten years ago I was like you too. I was in a limbo for about two years, desperate for some love in life but didn't have any. Life was lifeless. 

I left. I left with just a suitcase. I left whatever we owned to him. I just wanted my freedom. My ex didn't treat me poorly, but there was no love from him to me or from me to him. A loveless marriage. I chose to end it. I could live with it for a couple of years, but I couldn't live my whole life in it. If I did, it would have been a huge waste of my life. 

Through out of my life, if the man I was with didn't treat me well, I chose to leave. I wouldn't allow men to abuse me either physically or emotionally. I had to run away from a man. He told me that I was a "*****"(once). I knew it would be difficult for me to walk out of his life in front of him. I left everything in his place and flew to another city secretly , and he could never find me again. Another man tried to punch me (once), and he didn't see me anymore no matter how pathetic he acted afterwards. 

I can't tell you what to do and what not to do. I told you what I did when I was in similar situation. I won't allow men to disrespect me. I can't fight against them, I can run away from them. Our life is good without bad men in the picture, our life is great when we are with good men!


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## krismimo (Jan 26, 2011)

Thank you all for sharing and for those that are going through really hard times I wish you good vibes, prayer, luck, whatever strikes your fancy. My life has been up and down up and down right now it's on the ups in a bittersweet way, my husband and I had to distance ourselves from his family because of them choosing to be around his toxic ex this has been going on for awhile. But I know we made the right choice because we feel better mentally and physically. Besides life is too short to pine over people who are not worth your time. You have to way the good and the bad if there is more bad than good then it's time to revaulate the people in your lives and the influence they place in your lives.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

greenpearl said:


> I refuse to live an unhappy life.


This is how I look at life, if there is any power at all to get out of a situation that is bringing you down, I would go for it with everything within me.. I had a difficult time in my teen yrs ... I was STUCK living with my step Mother- who didn't want me living there, there was no escape, I vowed at a young age... I would not settle for bad treatment if I had any decision in the matter... I was going to have a happy freaking future.... I had dreams of a large family, living in the country raising them barefoot &  pregnant (This does not offend me, that is what I wanted)... with a loving husband by my side till death.. Never cared about being rich, just being in love & being respectable enough to afford all of our bills. I would only marry someone on board with this same vision. Yeah, I was a bit selfish you might say.. But aren't we all -- that is being honest. 

I was a bit too serious back then, always worried about God, feeling if I didn't live "good enough" as a Christian....my dreams would not come to pass... which is a mental war, everything is sin after all. I wish I would have just let go and not had all that baggage wrapped around my brain. 

I've always been pretty happy though... with my husband by my side, he has been my "best friend" since we met in our teens, he is one of a kind , would do anything to please.... I have hurt him more than he has hurt me over the years ... we have always had great communication (I am such an open soul) except in 1 area ----Sex. My repressive hang ups & his passiveness was not the best match for a thriving sex life.... we never talked about sex, too taboo, never opened up about masterbation until we had our last child, after 19 yrs of marriage! Never once spoke openly about fantasies... absolutely crazy looking back. 

Then I felt we missed so much... I became near sex crazed, like a flood gate has been unleashed. WOW what a ride... 

We are definitely in the best place in our marraige NOW , after we started opening up about this stuff... I come to learn He was hurting , feeling less loved because he always wanted more ..... I cried....then I was angry at him for not talking to me, telling me what for - causing conflict I deserved to hear... I guess I assumed when someone is not happy, they make a fuss about it... after all... that is ME 100% . But he is differnet than me.... he does not like to bother.... he is more internal. 

I so wish it didn't take us THIS long to find this Place we are now....this freedom I feel NOW... damn I wish I knew then what I know now ... I want to stop the hands of time. This is likely the best time in our lives.....we are debt free, we accomplished every goal we set for ourselves , our kids are great, easy to raise for that matter, the sex life is connecting , happeninng & I feel I laugh more now than anytime in my life. It seems I was caged mentally before (but just wasn't aware of it really)... but now I feel the TRUE unhibited ME has emerged..

..... I think everyone has a wild spell in their life at one time...for most it is in their youth.... for us....it has been in our 40's .... For a time, we visited Strip Clubs even, I let my husband get "air" lap dances..... I didn't care, anything to turn him on was working for me! This was so not like us... but I don't regret any of it. That phase has passed, it was fun, I don't regret it. 

We feel like we are on our Mid Life HoneyMoon.... we spent too many years neglecting ourselves -for the kids...it was always about THEM...and building our dreams... Now finally it is about US...we have stopped to smell the roses ...finally.


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