# aggresive spouse that I cant take anymore



## whothatdude (Apr 30, 2012)

hi this is my first post and help would be welcomed. I have been married for about 7 years now. my spouse and I got together at the ages of 23 and 25. when she became pregnant 6 months into the relationship we got married. mostly to appease her family and her. I objected to the marriage and was fully pleged to stay in the relationship yet went along with it to make her feel happy and was willing to go about being a family man. this event would set forth a series of event that have got me to this point in which I am challenging the relationship. in short I made alot of changes for her from religious belief which I looked the other way. to finacial decision that where taken for the betterment of the family. and know I wish not to make them with her for I dont trust her.
the following year where ok I gave up going for my dream job to do construction and make ends meat. at one point I became a stay at home dad which meant I took care of both a full time working woman and a infant. over the year it has been up and down yet this feeling of not wanting to be with her has been in the back of my mind for years. I would try to bring up my frustration over the year but the anger and verbal abuse from my spouse made me bury my feeling so as not to have a fight. this would brew into resentment which I can't seem to let go of.
About two years ago I went back to school after 5 years when i give up my studys for my dream job to do contruction to provided for my family. now with more self relization on my part and the need to better myself these feeling are coming out and causing many fights. when I restarted school I began to become more time oriented and began to save up more money due in part to me becoming a full time student. I was still there for my kid and spouse and brought home whatever money I could. yet as I became more self aware I began to make different types of friendships. I am a outgoing person who makes friends very easly. as this began and my need to be more relient on myself my spouse became more aggresive in the relationship. demanding more time, more money, more affection, more everything. at the time a decision was made to move from one place to another in order to give her a better opportunitiys (she is from another country and I helped her get her residency) we moved into one of the costly citys in United States. since then it has been a daily struggle not to just up and leave. the fights have gotten worse, the accusations of infidelity have been almost daily. "I have always been faithfull to my wife. even in our worst of times I would never think about it". the wrong decision for finacial gain and stability where done so as not to anger her. 
well here's where it just goes up in flames. a year ago we got pregnant again. this would be our second kid. we were almost broke living with relatives and barely making ends meat. the pregnancy was in its infancy I suggested she have an abortion. the suggestion did not bode well. she said no and we had our second child. now as she grows in my arms I feel guilty for even thinking that. my spouse reminds me of it everyday and its driving me insane with guilt. as our new baby grew we had a scare again. yet this time we had the one day after pill. she told me she took it but she till got pregnant. so again i suggested a abortion. again it did not bode well yet due to the situation she agreed and went with it. and now we are here. resentment that i cant express. standing strong in the face of anger when it comes to better finacial decision. getting a guilt trip everyday for even suggestion an abortion. and constant accusation of cheating with friends from school. 
I have done the best I can to go thru my emotions and help her in whatever way I can. from self help books, going out with her. talking about things and even crazy sexual stuff to show her how I feel yet none of that is working. I cant stand being with her. its like constantly walking on egg shells. and if it werent for the kids I would have walked away. I have already set up MC and IC. it just gets me that its always me doing something to help myself and the marriage and nothing from her.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Question here... when you started school I assume that you two had less financially. Is that right?

Did you also start to spend less time with here and were you less affectionate?


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## whothatdude (Apr 30, 2012)

We had less finacially yeah. We are of low income and have done our best to survive. Yet its the little that we get that gets spent on things that we should discuss personally I think we should save it. Her it restaruants and going out. 
As for school before school began wesat down and plotted our classes in order to be able to take care of our child, work, and have time to study. Affectionate no I would show her love, go out with her, and discuss what we learned and how to apply it our lives. Yet as time rolled by her needfor more would get in the way of my studys. It was not the same if she needed time. I would giver her space and then help in what ever way I can. The issues is that I can only do so much till I fell lost in her things
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## synthetic (Jan 5, 2012)

The way you talk about your wife is full of resentments. You even said you "can't stand being with her". That's not a marriage you want your children to grow up in. They will hate you (specially YOU in particular) since they can easily sense your resentment towards their mother (every child is more attached to their mother in the early years).

You need to change your ways. Your wife may or may not be the crappy person you've portrayed here, but your attitude towards commitment is not much to brag about either.

At the end of the day, YOU married this woman. YOU got her pregnant and YOU chose to stay with her despite all her flaws. You can't just back out of a contract without trying to change things first.

MC is a good start but just that, a start. You really need to put your wife in her place and set proper boundaries. 

Financial problems can destroy a marriage. Your priority can no longer be your "dream job" or school. You MUST provide for your family. You don't have a choice and you can't blame your wife for this. 

The abortion talk has to be addressed immediately. She cannot hold you totally responsible for it. I personally don't have a problem with abortion (never experienced it first hand), but if you both feel bad about it, then you need to share the guilt 50/50. I would put a cap on the whole issue and make a promise to each other not to bring it up again. 

Again, many things need to change. First and foremost is your attitude towards life. How old are you and your wife btw?


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Btw, one of the red flags of a cheating spouse is that they accuse the faithful spouse of cheating. Any possibility that she's up to something and this is injecting much of the conflict?
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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

Um, how about a condom?


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## whothatdude (Apr 30, 2012)

I'm about to turn 30 she's 32
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## whothatdude (Apr 30, 2012)

yeah condoms have been used it the one [email protected]##ing time that we dont she get pregnant. I am one fertile man and she one fertile woman.


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