# My DIL and her AP spends the weekends at my house ??



## Hastylady101 (Jan 9, 2019)

She's been seeing a guy that is more "placed" in life for about a year and lives behind me and begged ne not to tell my son because of how he can be. As m mom and a mother in law its hard to be the civill one. 


She and my son have been married 10 
years no kids.

I love her like a daughter.

I love my son of course but I know he is bad tempered ignores me and everyone else , an alcoholic and can be verbally abusive often and argues with her over. and others over frivilious things. Ive witnessed most of it throught his life. Even coming close to pushing her.


He used to be like this when he still lived at home.


He would just spend up his money of B.S and alwalys wonder why he had no money to pay his share of responsibility. And I know hes still like this now to this day. Hes lazy sometimes dosent like to clean and keeps hoping from job to job.



This is the 3rd weekend that they stayed over here. My son like I said rarely engages with the family so I dont know


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## Beccagirl (Dec 23, 2018)

Well..damn.....


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

Why in God's name do you allow your DIL to cheat on your son IN YOUR OWN HOUSE?
I don't care if your son is a drunk... she should divorce him and then bonk whoever she wants.

And BeccaGirl, you only beat her to the punch by a couple of weeks!!!!:grin2:


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## Beccagirl (Dec 23, 2018)

jlg07 said:


> Why in God's name do you allow your DIL to cheat on your son IN YOUR OWN HOUSE?
> I don't care if your son is a drunk... she should divorce him and then bonk whoever she wants.
> 
> And BeccaGirl, you only beat her to the punch by a couple of weeks!!!!<a href="http://talkaboutmarriage.com/images/TAMarriage_2015/smilies/tango_face_grin.png" border="0" alt="" title="Big Grin" ></a>


True but this is a MARRIAGE.

AND her son from what I read is apparently border-line mean for little or no reason.


My sons totally different in character.


But I get your point lol.


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## sunsetmist (Jul 12, 2018)

Son is abusive alcoholic. DIL is a cheater whom you allow to cheat in your home. You love her and tolerate him because he is blood. What do you see in the future?

She needs to divorce. He needs rehab. You need boundaries and some guts.

Are you afraid he'll move back home? Say no.


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## Hastylady101 (Jan 9, 2019)

sunsetmist said:


> Son is abusive alcoholic. DIL is a cheater whom you allow to cheat in your home. You love her and tolerate him because he is blood. What do you see in the future?
> 
> She needs to divorce. He needs rehab. You need boundaries and some guts.
> 
> Are you afraid he'll move back home? Say no.


Thats EXACTLY what will happen. She feels safer over here.


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## Hastylady101 (Jan 9, 2019)

jlg07 said:


> Why in God's name do you allow your DIL to cheat on your son IN YOUR OWN HOUSE?
> I don't care if your son is a drunk... she should divorce him and then bonk whoever she wants.
> 
> And BeccaGirl, you only beat her to the punch by a couple of weeks!!!!<a href="http://talkaboutmarriage.com/images/TAMarriage_2015/smilies/tango_face_grin.png" border="0" alt="" title="Big Grin" ></a>



At least I have company no one else visits.

The only downfall is hearing them bumping uglies in the next room at 2 am lol


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## Hastylady101 (Jan 9, 2019)

We think it will just make things worse


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## Broken_in_Brooklyn (Feb 21, 2013)

Hastylady101 said:


> We think it will just make things worse


Worse than when your son finds out that you sanctioned it? 

What can't this gem she is hooking up with support her in HIS own house?


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## Hastylady101 (Jan 9, 2019)

Broken_in_Brooklyn said:


> Hastylady101 said:
> 
> 
> > We think it will just make things worse
> ...



This was when she is visiting


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## StarFires (Feb 27, 2018)

As far as I'm concerned, when it comes to abuse, everything is fair game. So, I don't blame her for cheating on him. Everyone will disagree with me, and I don't care. Abuse destroys a woman's soul. She probably cheats to get back a little bit of her dignity in proving to herself that he doesn't demean and control every single part of her being. She probably does it as some sort of revenge on him and to have those few stolen moments of pleasure in her life. Even though he is your son, I see that you have some kind of compassion for her being married to such an awful man. 

I do think she should divorce him. Victims of abuse should never stay with their abuser. But I know women give themselves a million reasons not to leave, the biggest one, and most valid, is that they are scared.

But I'm wondering why you posted about this. Are you looking for advice? Are you looking to know what other people think about it? More than likely, nobody will condone what she's doing (except me of course), and nobody will condone you allowing it in your home. But I submit that they don't know what it's like for her, and they also don't know the numerous reasons women give themselves for staying with their abuser. So, I think you have to listen to your own conscience. I don't think you should tell him about his wife's affair, but I do think you should tell his wife that she will have to conduct her affair elsewhere. It isn't right or fair that she involved you in this.


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## syhoybenden (Feb 21, 2013)

Oh lady, it is going to get a whole heck of a lot worse. You can take that to the bank.

Your likely future is to be collateral damage.


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## Hastylady101 (Jan 9, 2019)

Broken_in_Brooklyn said:


> Hastylady101 said:
> 
> 
> > We think it will just make things worse
> ...



He already knows were close so I dont think hed be too shocked


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## Hastylady101 (Jan 9, 2019)

StarFires said:


> As far as I'm concerned, when it comes to abuse, everything is fair game. So, I don't blame her for cheating on him. Everyone will disagree with me, and I don't care. Abuse destroys a woman's soul. She probably cheats to get back a little bit of her dignity in proving to herself that he doesn't demean and control every single part of her being. She probably does it as some sort of revenge on him and to have those few stolen moments of pleasure in her life. Even though he is your son, I see that you have some kind of compassion for her being married to such an awful man.
> 
> I do think she should divorce him. Victims of abuse should never stay with their abuser. But I know women give themselves a million reasons not to leave, the biggest one, and most valid, is that they are scared.
> 
> But I'm wondering why you posted about this. Are you looking for advice? Are you looking to know what other people think about it? More than likely, nobody will condone what she's doing (except me of course), and nobody will condone you allowing it in your home. But I submit that they don't know what it's like for her, and they also don't know the numerous reasons women give themselves for staying with their abuser. So, I think you have to listen to your own conscience. I don't think you should tell him about his wife's affair, but I do think you should tell his wife that she will have to conduct her affair elsewhere. It isn't right or fair that she involved you in this.



I wanted to see if MY side of the story made sense to someone else


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## Hastylady101 (Jan 9, 2019)

She does it here because its the LAST place my son would find out


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## Hastylady101 (Jan 9, 2019)

syhoybenden said:


> Oh lady, it is going to get a whole heck of a lot worse. You can take that to the bank.
> 
> Your likely future is to be collateral damage.



Why


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## Oceania (Jul 12, 2018)

Hastylady101 said:


> At least I have company no one else visits.
> 
> The only downfall is hearing them bumping uglies in the next room at 2 am lol


Were you ever dropped on your head at any stage?

A valid question. 

Your SON.


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## Beccagirl (Dec 23, 2018)

Hastylady101 said:


> jlg07 said:
> 
> 
> > Why in God's name do you allow your DIL to cheat on your son IN YOUR OWN HOUSE?
> ...




WAIT youve actually heard them having sex at night in the next room lol 😂😂😂😂😂???



Clapping noises lol ??


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## StarFires (Feb 27, 2018)

Hastylady101 said:


> She does it here because its the LAST place my son would find out


But he will find out. He will find out about the affair some kind of way, and then he will also learn that she brought her AP to your house.

And he will be devastated feeling that his own mother betrayed him like that. Imagine how he will feel knowing that his wife telling him "I was at your mother's house" was only true for deceptive purposes intended to throw him off her trail since he would never in his wildest imagination think his mother was permitting his wife to screw another man in her own home.

And there will be a terrible price to pay. That's why I think you should tell her to go somewhere else. Knowing that his wife cheats and facilitating it are two different things.


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## Spoons027 (Jun 19, 2017)

Goddang.

I could understand if there's abuse, but what exactly is your DIL's plan? Is she just going to sneak around with the new guy for the rest of her life? Are you just going to let her sneak around with the guy in your own house for the rest of your and her lives? Until what? Until the relationship between your DIL and the new guy is solid and she's confident she can leave your son?

Just... dang.


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## Beccagirl (Dec 23, 2018)

StarFires said:


> Hastylady101 said:
> 
> 
> > She does it here because its the LAST place my son would find out
> ...



This sounds like a porn novel


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## Hastylady101 (Jan 9, 2019)

Spoons027 said:


> Goddang.
> 
> I could understand if there's abuse, but what exactly is your DIL's plan? Is she just going to sneak around with the new guy for the rest of her life? Are you just going to let her sneak around with the guy in your own house for the rest of your and her lives? Until what? Until the relationship between your DIL and the new guy is solid and she's confident she can leave your son?
> 
> ...


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## Hastylady101 (Jan 9, 2019)

Beccagirl said:


> Hastylady101 said:
> 
> 
> > jlg07 said:
> ...



Beccagirl..

Girl...YES 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

This is your house. You can say no.


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## Hastylady101 (Jan 9, 2019)

Spoons027 said:


> Goddang.
> 
> I could understand if there's abuse, but what exactly is your DIL's plan? Is she just going to sneak around with the new guy for the rest of her life? Are you just going to let her sneak around with the guy in your own house for the rest of your and her lives? Until what? Until the relationship between your DIL and the new guy is solid and she's confident she can leave your son?
> 
> Just... dang.


Yes wait till she leaves


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## Hastylady101 (Jan 9, 2019)

NobodySpecial said:


> This is your house. You can say no.


I know


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## BluesPower (Mar 27, 2018)

Hastylady101 said:


> She's been seeing a guy that is more "placed" in life for about a year and lives behind me and begged ne not to tell my son because of how he can be. As m mom and a mother in law its hard to be the civill one.
> 
> She and my son have been married 10
> years no kids.
> ...


How could you do this? He is your blood. 

We have had this before. It is wrong, if your son is a problem, she should divorce. 

BUT HE IS YOUR SON... How could you allow this????


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## Beccagirl (Dec 23, 2018)

How long have you been knowing about the affair ??


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## Hastylady101 (Jan 9, 2019)

Beccagirl said:


> How long have you been knowing about the affair ??


9 months


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

What do you hope to get from this thread?


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## Beccagirl (Dec 23, 2018)

NobodySpecial said:


> What do you hope to get from this thread


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

I'm just going to sit back, munch on my popcorn and watch how this all plays out....


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## Hastylady101 (Jan 9, 2019)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> I'm just going to sit back, munch on my popcorn and watch how this all plays out....


Why u say that ??


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## Hastylady101 (Jan 9, 2019)

NobodySpecial said:


> What do you hope to get from this thread?


Im sorry I just wanted to vent this


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Stop justifying your sons behavior by allowing this betrayal.

Stop justifying your DIL behavior by allowing this betrayal.


Your kid and his old lady just go through life betraying each other and you are right in the phucking middle.


BTW....having been cheated on.... your kid is going to disown you! Sorry

Unless you have been there you have no idea how this will effect a betrayed spouse. Look at it this way, your kid has betrayed your DIL in his own way and your DIL went and did such a thing to deal with the abuse. Wait until your kid finds out....his reaction will be equal to if not greater to the way your DIL abused him. Make sense?

The two are abusing each other and the way they react to this abuse is huge....the only difference is your kid doesn't know he is being abuse yet. 

But when he does figure this out he is going to be destroyed just like your DIL is destroyed. Lets face it she is destroyed enough to take the step by committing adultery in order to deal with such abuse?


Your DIL cheats to get through the abuse, your son will disassociate him self from this abuse....to bad you were part of this abuse.


And yes cheating is abuse!


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## Sports Fan (Aug 21, 2014)

Regardless of what your son is he is still your son! When your son eventually finds out that you knew of this affair and condoned it with your blessing and they stayed at your house he is going to feel an enourmous sense of betrayal he might not recover from. Your his mother for FFS.

I don't know how your going to solve this one but i would suggest distancing yourself from Your Daughter In Law and telling her she can no longer shag her affair partner at your house.


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## Beccagirl (Dec 23, 2018)

I dont know how to advise about this ?


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

*Moderator Message:*

Sorry folks. The trollery is now over.


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