# What to do?



## umamenina (Nov 13, 2012)

Hello ladies, I know I am not married but I thought that maybe you could help. I have been with my ex for 2 years and it was kind of a long distance relationship. He often tried to make me stay but I was afraid because I had my life somewhere else. There was a job opportunity for me to be in the same city as him but I waited too long so I did not get it. Although I am in the same city as him now, he feels that I sabotaged our relationship, that I was unfair to him and that he does not want to be with me anymore. He said that he has put his life on hold for 2 years and that he doesn't know if it would be a good idea for us to be together; that this would be unfair to him. I can tell that he still really loves me but he seems to have made up his mind and doesn't want to go back with me. I feel like he resents me. I do not know what to do. I might have found a solution to stay where he is so it kills me because I know I will not be able to stay here knowing that we are not together anymore. He said that to him me staying doesn't matter anymore and he doesn't care what I do. I asked him what can I do for him to forgive me and he said nothing, that he doesn't want to and that therefore there is nothing that I can do. Do you think he will come back? What can I do to show him that I am really committed and sorry for what I've done? Should I just give him space and leave him alone?


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## Chelle D (Nov 30, 2011)

Yeah... I think mostly guys don't seem to lie about that kind of thing. If he said he's done .. I think he's done.

Don't hold out thinking he will come back.

Give him space & leave him alone. Then in a month or two, you can go out & find someone more compatible with your needs & your personality.


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## Emerald (Aug 2, 2012)

I'm sorry - he doesn't want to be with you anymore. He uses the past as an excuse rather than tell you the truth - he's just not that into you.


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## TheEruditeOne (Nov 12, 2012)

Hi, umamenina! 

Disclaimer: I'm not judging you or beating up on you; I'm simply responding to what I read. Use active and reflective listening, please.

It's obvious that you weren't secure in this relationship as you said you had a life elsewhere. Your actions followed suit as you didn't go after the job that would have complement you. I don't think that you are in touch with you or reality. It's obvious that you have been done with this relationship for sometime and your indecision (a decision itself) drove your partner away from you. I don't buy the I want to be miserable to make him happy bit. It makes no sense that you would do this. What's really going on with you? It's not my business but perhaps you should answer this for yourself. Has your partner moved on and found happiness elsewhere and this infuriates you and you want to find some way to sabotage his new found happiness? 

Remember, you haven't been in this relationship in some time, but you speak as if you are currently involved in it. Does this make sense to you? You must discover your value and self worth as an individual--you have a self efficacy only you're not in touch with it as this time. 

You've been done and he's done--move on. Use this time to reinvent you. It's your decision to stay or relocate; but, take the time to grow and learn you! Please don' jump into another relationship until you mature in your own skin. Good luck!

TEO


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