# About to give up... (Posted in General also...)



## koalafamily2 (Nov 30, 2015)

Been married for two years already. Followed my wife from coast to coast as she had plans to relocate before we met. When I relocated, she had a group of new friends that were okay (only because there's a language barrier and I feel like an outsider as I only speak English and they tend to speak their native tongue even when I'm around... 90% of the time they communicate with me is when they ask "are you okay" or if they tell me what they're talking about in Filipino, which is an insult...). They helped her with moving and buying stuff before I got here, and it seems she needs to "repay" them emotionally and physically by attending every single gathering they are throwing, or accompanying every outing they invite us to. It cuts into our "alone" time as I only see her on the weekends since she's a "live-in" nanny for a couple in Brooklyn, and I get annoyed when I want to do something and she's making plans with them last minute.

This holiday, since her friends don't drive, we both had plans to attend Thanksgiving dinner with her cousins, but last minute (no surprise...) she tells her friends I'll drive them to their Thanksgiving party, pretty much out of the way, and they'll pay for gas and tolls. I bit my tongue, and agreed. On Black Friday, her friend tells my wife she received a new credit card, and is willing to buy Christmas gifts for my wife to send to the Philippines, and I told her I'm allergic to Black Friday and the chaos it brings, but she insisted. I told my wife we don't owe them anything but an occasional get together, and she should not get influenced by someone bragging about a new credit card just to show how "rich" (actually common folk here in the USA, but so-called rich in the Philippines...) they are...

Her friends are having a Christmas party where they have a theme where attendees are to wear "green", and it's not my color, except for when I served in the US Army, and not for social or casual occasions, but she blew up and left me hanging at home to go to her job. I know it may sound petty, but I'm an adult, and knowing those people, I don't really care about what I dress, as long as it is presentable and I don't appear like a bum. If it was my Mom dictating what our family party theme was, then I'll do it because it's family, but these are friends that are materialistic and don't really care for me, because I don't speak their language since I was born here in the USA...

As it stands, I didn't want to deal with the rants and raves via cell phone so I blocked her contact as I'm totally hot and angry because my feelings and time is being directed to others, and whatever I want to do in the relationship is always put on the back burner.

Anyone experience the same situation in their relationships? This is my second marriage, and my first one ended after 28 years together with my ex, and I've grown up from the last relationship not to make mistakes, but it seems like this one might not last too longer... Thanks for listening!


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

You've 'grown' to not make mistakes? There are mistakes all over your post. What exactly did you change?


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## koalafamily2 (Nov 30, 2015)

Not exactly "my" mistakes, since circumstances between my first and second marriages were totally different... The first one basically ended due to infidelity, and this one seems to be heading down because of being alienated in favor of her circle of friends.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

My guess is it's dying because you're a Nice Guy, and women lose respect for Nice Guys and replace them in their lives with friends and kids. Or lovers.

Have you read No More Mr Nice Guy yet?


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Further, there is a huge huge difference between the US culture and Filipino culture. Once you marry into the Filipino culture, you marry not just your wife, but her family and her friends too, you are now part of that and it will be very difficult for you to set boundaries though you can try. Set out boundaries with regard to how many times a month you see these people, how you spend time together, etc.

Your marriage ended due to infidelity, yours or your ex wife?

BTW is there an age difference between you and your current wife?


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## koalafamily2 (Nov 30, 2015)

My ex wife cheated, and there is only a 2 year age difference between me and my current relationship. Even though I'm an American born Filipino, this is the first time ever having a relationship with a Filipino woman. Other relationships with women of other races, I got along well with, probably because they were also American born.


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