# My quick rant



## proudwidaddy (Dec 26, 2011)

Hey Guys,
I've been having a great day so far, pushing through, helping out people at work (I work retail). However I've had two things that are just bugging the bejesus out of me today.

1. The fact that I see complete losers come in, treating their women like crap, yet I'm the one that's single right now, getting divorced.

2. The fact that my wife is still legally on my insurance, going to the eye doctor, getting all the benefits right now, getting all the things done before she is off my insurance.

Sorry, now back to your regular scheduled programming.


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## Mamatomany (Jan 10, 2012)

proudwidaddy said:


> Hey Guys,
> I've been having a great day so far, pushing through, helping out people at work (I work retail). However I've had two things that are just bugging the bejesus out of me today.
> 
> 1. The fact that I see complete losers come in, treating their women like crap, yet I'm the one that's single right now, getting divorced.
> ...


1) totally not fair. I see you men who have had horrible experiences still wanting your family/wife.... I wish mine wanted me. 

2) If it wasn't coming from insurance it would be coming from money she makes and then it would come out of what she can give to the kids. 

You were doing good.... stay there.


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## proudwidaddy (Dec 26, 2011)

Mama,
I'm doing better, just had to get that out of my system since I couldn't yell right now (the customers at work frown upon that).


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Why do you have to keep her on the insurance? Is this part of the separation/D agreement. If not, take her off and just put the kids on. Why should she reap the benefits of marriage if she does not consider herself to be your wife anymore?


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## Mamatomany (Jan 10, 2012)

proudwidaddy said:


> Mama,
> I'm doing better, just had to get that out of my system since I couldn't yell right now (the customers at work frown upon that).


Yeah, they should lighten up! 
Keep up the sense of humor!


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## unsure78 (Oct 17, 2011)

in my state you have to keep them on your insurance until the divorce is final unless they have insurance available through their work
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## proudwidaddy (Dec 26, 2011)

Bandit,
Yes, I have to keep her on the insurance until the divorce is final.


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## Traggy (Jan 26, 2012)

Same boat with the insurance. Whatever. It is BS, but once those papers are final she is dropped.

Maybe she can get on the OM's insurance. God help him when she drops him in the future. Maybe we can go have a beer when there relationship crumbles. Be fun to talk about how stupid we were.


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## Jayb (Mar 6, 2012)

Yeah, I even cringe at happy couples. Like, what makes them happy and me not happy.

Then, I thought we all go through stages and maybe they're not at the point we are.

It is so damn frustrating to love and cling to our spouses and be dumped by them. Loving them and not receiving anything in return.


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## Mamatomany (Jan 10, 2012)

Jayb said:


> Yeah, I even cringe at happy couples. Like, what makes them happy and me not happy.
> 
> Then, I thought we all go through stages and maybe they're not at the point we are.
> 
> It is so damn frustrating to love and cling to our spouses and be dumped by them. Loving them and not receiving anything in return.


Jay, you don't sound good and I have had down moments 3 times today... just like this today. I can say they haven't lasted long, but yet again the stbxh has disappointed me and the kids and I am so frustrated w/ him. 

What the heck are we doing wanting to be w/ ppl who don't want us!?!? Someone out there will want us ... let's find them!


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## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

Mama & Jay -- when you find these people, send one my way, wouldja?


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## Mamatomany (Jan 10, 2012)

Is it bad I am hoping they'll find me and I won't have to search? I mean it's been a long time... I am in my 40s and I am still so busy w/ the little kids, my work, and the house. Man, now I just got why the stats have men getting married sooner after a divorce they have more time to date/find someone!


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## Jayb (Mar 6, 2012)

Mamatomany said:


> Jay, you don't sound good and I have had down moments 3 times today... just like this today. I can say they haven't lasted long, but yet again the stbxh has disappointed me and the kids and I am so frustrated w/ him.
> 
> *What the heck are we doing wanting to be w/ ppl who don't want us!?!? *Someone out there will want us ... let's find them!


A lot of it is due to this happening to us without our choice! Were there issues that had to be worked on? Yes. Would I be willing to work on them? Yes. 
But, that is because I love my wife. I never thought I'd be in this situation in my life. Never desired it. Still don't want to be here. It's so painful.

So, what to do, when our partners decide to move on without any say from us? Survive, any way possible? We sure are now.


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## Mamatomany (Jan 10, 2012)

Jay, I know. He is making all the choices and I have only control on reacting to his actions. It sucks. 

I am trying to find things I do have control over. One has been my weight but lately I found I have gained 10 lbs! We have been eating way too many starches because he has controlled the money so I use what's left to feed the kids and a lot of sandwiches/pasta. Ugh. So I don't even seem to have control of my weight now.  What else do I have control over??


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## Jayb (Mar 6, 2012)

Mamatomany said:


> Jay, I know. He is making all the choices and I have only control on reacting to his actions. It sucks.
> 
> I am trying to find things I do have control over. One has been my weight but lately I found I have gained 10 lbs! We have been eating way too many starches because he has controlled the money so I use what's left to feed the kids and a lot of sandwiches/pasta. Ugh. So I don't even seem to have control of my weight now.  What else do I have control over??


You can make better choices with food. Think meal by meal.

I just had this thought and panicked. We (wife and I) married, worked full-time, and had children. all together. Now, we are separated, on 2 incomes and still raising children. Dual costs. Part of making these big financial decisions was the amount of income we BOTH had together. Now, we have more the costs at less the income.

Ugh.


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## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

I know -- it's really frustrating. This is actually one place where I'm looking forward to the D. We have the same total income we had before, but are supporting two households now. When we lived together, I was really into shopping with coupons, doing rebates, etc., and we not only paid all our bills, but we had little debt and had a savings account. He is buying his own stuff now, and seems to think we are rich. No savings, more debt, and he's definitely not shopping with coupons and buying his clothes at discount/thrift stores. I can't offset his spending anymore. 

I realized that when we D, just getting him off my health insurance and not paying for his copays will save me about $200/month! Since I won't get alimony, that will help a lot. 

Going back to heavy-duty budgeting and couponing will take a lot more of the time I already don't have for my 'new life,' however. Grrr.

Mama -- are there any things you can do at home to bring in more money? A craft you can sell, or babysitting, dog walking, etc.? Also, once the weather warms up, maybe you can plant a small garden (even in pots if you're renting) to get more veggies. Good for you for trying to take control of your health! 

We all have to just remember that sometimes all we can do is take very small steps forward. But it's better than standing still, or worse, going backward.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

The more you guys think this way, the deeper the pit you dig for yourselves.





Jayb said:


> Yeah, I even cringe at happy couples. Like, what makes them happy and me not happy.
> 
> Then, I thought we all go through stages and maybe they're not at the point we are.
> 
> It is so damn frustrating to love and cling to our spouses and be dumped by them. Loving them and not receiving anything in return.


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## Lifescript (Mar 12, 2012)

I'm with Conrad on this one. Love is an emotion one can control. I used to believe when I felt before that I couldn't just stop loving someone. It's all BS (romanticism). I don't know maybe I'm just going through a loveless disillusionary period (I just made up that concept LOL). But I just think if someone doesn't care or want you - let them go fast and without doubt. They'll be like, "What the hell happened I thought he/she loved me". They'll be the ones crying.


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