# Very, very confused



## confusedguy (Jan 17, 2010)

Hi. I've been married for over 5 years, got married at a young age at 19. As little as three or four weeks ago I was in love and sure this was the woman for me. But I've been getting closer to this friend at work. She is also married but is very unhappy in her marriage. Initially she said she was attracted to me but kept it under wraps because we were both married but she soon spilled the beans. 

I first started this fling because I had not experienced it before but now I feel like I've fallen for this person. I don't want to end it with her because I think about her more than I do my own wife. I also care about her and shes on the verge of leaving her husband. However I was not as unhappy in my marriage as her but all of a sudden it has become very hard to feel the same feelings for my wife and be affectionate with her. Not to mention hard to just look her in the eye from guilt. 

Am I falling for this other person or is it just my mind playing tricks on me? Should I make it work with my wife and try to cut this other person off? Im so confused...please help someone.


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## BigBadWolf (Nov 30, 2009)

Are you wanting permission for an affair?

You already know the answer to this. 

If you are unhappy in your relationship with your wife, either work on it or end it with dignity for the both of you, and only then should you pursue a relationship with another woman, a relationship that can be built on integrity and trust, and not on lies and simple excitement of being in a shallow fling.

And the same for this affair woman, she is needing to end it with her husband before she is pursuing you, otherwise you should know you are now just filling an emotional space empty she is feeling from her husband at best, and an emotional and maybe financial safety net at worse.

You should be embarrassed to have to be told this. 

So if your wife is making you happy, and you are respecting yourself, you will drop this affair in its tracks.

And these things that you are doing with this affair woman, if you are motivated to do this same things for your wife, then don't be surprised to feel this same kind of excitement between the both of you.


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

:iagree:


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

Take some time - read the stories here. Maybe it will make things a bit more clear when you read about all of the pain people here have felt.


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## mrsbroken (Sep 23, 2009)

:iagree:
If you care about her at all cut this out with the ow work on your marriage. If you still feel the need to be with the ow then divorce your wife then make a relationship with her. Don't cause her pain if you really care about her it's not worth it


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## breakable (Nov 13, 2009)

confusedguy said:


> Hi. As little as three or four weeks ago I was in love and sure this was the woman for me.



Obviously you love your wife. Cut all ties with this other woman if you want it to work. If she will do this to her husband now, who says she won't do it to you when you have begin a relationship with her?


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