# Husband fell asleep during sex



## bluebonds (Jan 18, 2013)

Hi,
My hubby and I have been together for almost 5 years. I'm 28 and he's 27. In the past 2 months he has fallen asleep 3 times during sex. I don't know what to do. I love him so much! It has totally ruined my self esteem and I can't even think about engaging in any sexual activity with him. I don't even want him to touch me anymore. He has tried to initiate sex many times, but I cannot even think about it happening again. He thinks it's funny and doesn't wanna talk about it. I am really upset and I cry a lot when I'm alone. I've told him many times how I feel but he just doesn't want to talk about it. I feel as if he doesn't desire me anymore. Has anyone else gone through this?


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Does he have any medical issues, or narcolepsy? Does he not get enough sleep?

Tell him that he had better start talking about this with you, because it's a problem, and it's just going to keep getting bigger if he ignores it.


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## CallaLily (Jan 13, 2011)

He needs to be checked out by a doctor. YOU need to bring that up to him, if he wont go and thinks its funny like you said, bring up separation papers and see if thinks thats funny. He could have a real medical issue that needs to be dealt with. Like Hope said, narcolepsy comes to mind, there is also something else like narcolepsy but its a milder verison forget the name though. Is he on any medications or does he drink?


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## GTdad (Aug 15, 2011)

A man that age? Falling asleep suring sex that often? I'm 50, and have never done that once; it's not "normal".

He has a problem, and needs to see a doctor. And he needs to take your concerns seriously and not just laugh them off. I'd be pretty damned irritated if my wife dozed off during sex, too.


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

I'd have to be near passing out from exhaustion to fall asleep during sex. Even then I think I'd make it through...however probably be asleep a couple milliseconds afterwards.

Is your husband particularly sleep deprived?


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## Code-Welder (Dec 17, 2012)

bluebonds said:


> Hi,
> My hubby and I have been together for almost 5 years. I'm 28 and he's 27. In the past 2 months he has fallen asleep 3 times during sex. I don't know what to do. I love him so much! It has totally ruined my self esteem and I can't even think about engaging in any sexual activity with him. I don't even want him to touch me anymore. He has tried to initiate sex many times, but I cannot even think about it happening again. He thinks it's funny and doesn't wanna talk about it. I am really upset and I cry a lot when I'm alone. I've told him many times how I feel but he just doesn't want to talk about it. I feel as if he doesn't desire me anymore. Has anyone else gone through this?


Your husband needs to see a Doctor, men his age do not fall asleep during sex. Maybe after the sex but during sounds like a health issue.


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## bluebonds (Jan 18, 2013)

There was alcohol involved, but not that much. We drink a lot on vacation and have always had great sex. He has been really tired lately, but so have I. He has worked more and we were still able to have sex. The last time it happened I literally had to push him off me. He's not sick or on medication. No drugs. Also, the last few times he hasn't been all the way hard. All I can see is red flags. He asked me today if I'm leaving him. I begin to wonder if he wants me to. This is driving me crazy and my feelings are all over the place. I can't imagine my life without him.


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## GTdad (Aug 15, 2011)

bluebonds said:


> There was alcohol involved, but not that much. We drink a lot on vacation and have always had great sex. He has been really tired lately, but so have I. He has worked more and we were still able to have sex. The last time it happened I literally had to push him off me. He's not sick or on medication. No drugs. Also, the last few times he hasn't been all the way hard. All I can see is red flags. He asked me today if I'm leaving him. I begin to wonder if he wants me to. This is driving me crazy and my feelings are all over the place. I can't imagine my life without him.


Both of you need to do the best you can to explore the medical angle before making any life-changing decisions.

This would probably be a good time to ask how the rest of your marriage is, this issue aside.


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## bluebonds (Jan 18, 2013)

Everything else is great. We are great partners and friends. I could have never imagine this happening to us. It really shocked me when he thought that was funny and didn't wanna talk about it. We always talk about everything. I must be missing something  The only thing he said about it was: I'm sorry I was tired. It was hard to overcome it the first time (he woke up and hour later - I was still crying - and "finished"). The second time he didn't even realized he fell asleep until the next morning, because I was upset. He thought it was hilarious (maybe it's his coping mechanism). The third time was it for me. I don't even want to sleep in the same bed. This is really hard. How does one cope?


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## CallaLily (Jan 13, 2011)

The fact he doesn't want to talk about it, would bother me. That says he knows there is a problem that he doesn't want to address, the question would be why? I know this might sound weird, but do you think its possible he is actually pretending? I have no idea why he would do that, but you did say he thinks its funny and doesn't want to talk about it. And yes, its likely a medical issue, but still, its kinda weird how he doesn't want to talk about it.


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## john_lord_b3 (Jan 11, 2013)

Mrs. Bluebonds, I am sorry to hear this happening to you. This is very new to me, I never heard this happening ever. Never read about this in any magazine, newspaper or TV shows. So this is very new.

Usually what I heard is 'wife/husband does not care about spouse's sexual needs, so he/she just sleeps away as he/she pleases, not even caring to ask to the spouse 'do you want some?'

But to fall asleep during the sexual act itself, is surprising. Did he had an erection? Was he able to penetrate you before he fell asleep? If yes, then I think he really has medical problems which need to be taken care of.

Try to make love again with him but during the day, not in the night. See if he fell asleep again. If yes, that is definetely medical problem. 

If he is doing fine in daylights sex but fell asleep in nighttime sex, maybe he was just too tired during the day, but didn't realized it.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Hope1964 said:


> Does he have any medical issues, or narcolepsy? Does he not get enough sleep?
> 
> Tell him that he had better start talking about this with you, because it's a problem, and it's just going to keep getting bigger if he ignores it.


Sounds like that or sleep apnea. He should see a doctor asap.


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## T&T (Nov 16, 2012)

bluebonds said:


> It really shocked me when he thought that was funny and didn't wanna talk about it.





bluebonds said:


> (maybe it's his coping mechanism).


Is he one of these guys that NEVER goes to the Doctor?


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

I have never fallen asleep during foreplay and sex but my wife has on several occasions. I get quite angry and feel humiliated.....


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## 41362 (Dec 14, 2012)

I agree with others that he really should see a doc.

How is his health otherwise?

I will admit that once.... one time, I feel asleep during sex. This was probably 15 years ago and we had been out for dinner and drinks... more than a few drinks... and the dinner was huge.... anyway, she was riding me... and everything just felt wonderful...and <poof> lights out.

...while we have a very good sex life at this point (2/3 times a week), she has not worn stockings since


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

I doubt very much that he thinks it's funny. He might try to play it off that way, but I doubt he's laughing inside.


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## coupdegrace (Oct 15, 2012)

I've never fallen asleep during sex, but I have dozed off several times while getting BJ's. They're so soothing and relaxing and before I know it, I'm out like a light and snoring. When this happens, I get a rude awakening with a sharp, "HEEEY!!!" from my wife. I'm fortunate she's a good sport about it.


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## Monarch (Dec 5, 2012)

I'm going to admit this has happened to me even in my 30s. Long days of intense work, exercise, followed by a nice dinner, a couple glasses of wine, and an hour or more of fun time...yes, I have been so **** exhausted that momentarily while resting my arms, so comfortable....bam. I am in great physical shape but I admit I never get enough sleep so I am constantly tired. This isn't frequent by any means, but tired is tired and sometimes the weight on the eyelids surpasses everything. 

I didn't see any indication of how long things were lasting in this thread. If its ten minutes, then that's a problem. If it's 30 minutes or more, maybe the poor guy is just exhausted?

Just putting forth a possible alternate situation since I think so far few have admitted to having this happen.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

I did this a few times, wife just slapped me awake. Happens when she wants sex when it's late and I'm sleepy... or too drunk. I wouldn't get so cut up about it, how much sleep does he get?


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## rabbit75 (Jan 7, 2013)

I can't picture falling asleep *during* sex. I don't mean to be rude, but what position were you in and how long into it were you? Had either of you had an orgasm yet? If it had been half an hour and you were both taking a break before round 2 when he dozed off for a second, then I don't think there would be anything odd about it.

Regardless though, he refusing to talk about it at all is weak.


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## ChknNoodleSoup (Oct 20, 2012)

Are these times when you're having sex and it's super late? He's exhausted plus alcohol? I've had mine yawn through it enough to put me off and end it but never just fall asleep. I definitely think it could be medical. Maybe a thyroid issue since those affect energy? Don't take it personal and feel hurt. I would but it's not healthy. I'd encourage him to go for something else, like it's time for a physical and see what happens.


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## WaitForIt... (Jan 20, 2013)

My husband did this a few times early in our marriage. Found out 12 years later he was having an affair. Not saying this could be your case, but falling asleep during intercourse is a red flag for something. Explore every angle and insist he discuss it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## I Notice The Details (Sep 15, 2012)

I cannot imagine falling asleep while thrusting and moving during intercourse. It has never happened to me! I think the alcohol is hurting the situation....and maybe he is taking blood pressure meds and they are not mixing well with the alcohol. Whenever I drink several glasses of red wine in a short period of time, I do tend to get tired, but I don't do that if I know sex is on the horizon. 

Either way, he should go to a doctor because it is important to BOTH of you.


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## janesmith (Nov 29, 2010)

hubby has fallen asleep while actually buried in me. he was tired. we finished the next day. He isnt doing this intentionally to hurt you but that i how you are acting. he may be trying to laugh it off because it may not be that serious to him especially if you have a great life otherwise than the three times he has fallen asleep. plan sex when he isnt tired.


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## bluebonds (Jan 18, 2013)

Thanks for all the messages! 
We had a hard time dealing with this (and still are). I felt rejected and depressed. I've struggled with anorexia before and felt those horrible thoughts coming back. I started drinking too much, drinking before I had to go to work, my life became chaos. I started sleepping in another room. On our day off, he went out with a female friend and told her about our bedroom problems, instead of talking to me. That pissed me off a lot. Then he told 2 other people we work with about it, and I felt humiliated. I went deeper into depression. He yelled at me when wewere trying to talk and that broke my heart. I never expected him to do such thing. I've been trying to be understanding and caring, because I love him, but it's too hard sometimes. After much talking, we tried having sex (both sober and well rested) and it didn't work. I felt horrible and he said he didn't know why it happened. He turned it around and said he was insecure and all that (even though I still want to have sex with him). He freaked out. Thought I was cheating on him. It was hard.
Now we are a bit better, but he is still insecure. I have to take care of him and I feel I'm putting my feelings aside not to hurt him. We've had sex a few times after that and it was fine, but last night I could tell he was struggling to keep it hard. I just want things to go back to normal


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## HappyHubby (Aug 16, 2012)

WorkingOnMe said:


> I doubt very much that he thinks it's funny. He might try to play it off that way, but I doubt he's laughing inside.


Yes. This. He's embarrassed. It's frustrating for you but he's worried about a bruised ego too. Keep trying to talk but don't say things that will get his defenses up.


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## HappyHubby (Aug 16, 2012)

Sorry I didn't read your last post bluebonds... I think his self-esteem is affected by the way it was handled in the beginning and he felt his manhood was on the attack. No man WANTS to fall asleep during sex with his wife.

You may have turned a simple medical issue (or maybe not enough sleep the previous nights) into a huge elephant in the bedroom. Its all he can think about now: how he's failing his wife sexually.. instant shrinkage.


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## HappyHubby (Aug 16, 2012)

Instead of saying how hurt you were by him falling asleep on you, you could have said 'Hey you fell asleep on me again!! Thats mean! Are you okay? Are you getting enough sleep?' 

I think he was hoping you'd pick up on the 'haha' track and not make it an issue of how unsatisfied you were.


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

Does your husband know about the fantasies and the EA you are having with your male friend?


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

bluebonds said:


> There was alcohol involved, but not that much. We drink a lot on vacation and have always had great sex. He has been really tired lately, but so have I. He has worked more and we were still able to have sex. The last time it happened I literally had to push him off me. *He's not sick* or on medication. No drugs. Also, the last few times he hasn't been all the way hard. All I can see is red flags. He asked me today if I'm leaving him. I begin to wonder if he wants me to. This is driving me crazy and my feelings are all over the place. I can't imagine my life without him.


Pardon me, but how would you know if he was?:scratchhead:

1 in 20 men fall asleep during sex. | Information Facts

The above link might provide some information.


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## Jasel (Jan 8, 2013)

Does he watch a lot of porn???


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

bluebonds said:


> Thanks for all the messages!
> We had a hard time dealing with this (and still are). I felt rejected and depressed. I've struggled with anorexia before and felt those horrible thoughts coming back. I started drinking too much, drinking before I had to go to work, my life became chaos. I started sleepping in another room*. On our day off, he went out with a female friend and told her about our bedroom problems, instead of talking to me. *That pissed me off a lot. Then he told 2 other people we work with about it, and I felt humiliated. I went deeper into depression. He yelled at me when wewere trying to talk and that broke my heart. I never expected him to do such thing. I've been trying to be understanding and caring, because I love him, but it's too hard sometimes. After much talking, we tried having sex (both sober and well rested) and it didn't work. I felt horrible and he said he didn't know why it happened. He turned it around and said he was insecure and all that (even though I still want to have sex with him). He freaked out. Thought I was cheating on him. It was hard.
> Now we are a bit better, but he is still insecure. I have to take care of him and I feel I'm putting my feelings aside not to hurt him. We've had sex a few times after that and it was fine, but last night I could tell he was struggling to keep it hard. I just want things to go back to normal


That sounds ... unusual.


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## bluebonds (Jan 18, 2013)

Sorry, Matt, but that's about men falling asleep AFTER sex, not during sex. 
Plan 9, yes, we've talked about it. I don't hide things from him. We've been having this problem for five months and the attraction thing is recent (not even a month). I'm sorry, but I don't understand the concept of an EA. Our friend doesn't know how I feel about him and we have never talked about such things (nor have we ever had anything physical). I don't thin I have an EA, I think I am confused about my feellings.


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## bluebonds (Jan 18, 2013)

Jasel said:


> Does he watch a lot of porn???


We watch porn together and he might watch porn when I am not around. He definitely has no problem getting aroused. I think we really need to see a MC because he won't open up to me.


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## bluebonds (Jan 18, 2013)

JustSomeGuyWho said:


> That sounds ... unusual.


Why would you talk to a 22 year old (very attractive) girl who has no idea of what a marriage is?? And we had just met her, like 3 weeks prior. I asked him if he did that to hurt me, but he said no. Who knows what's going on in his mind? Does anyone else think it's normal to act like this? Am I wrong to feel humiliated and angry?


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

bluebonds said:


> Why would you talk to a 22 year old (very attractive) girl who has no idea of what a marriage is?? And we had just met her, like 3 weeks prior. I asked him if he did that to hurt me, but he said no. Who knows what's going on in his mind? Does anyone else think it's normal to act like this? *Am I wrong to feel humiliated and angry?*


You can't help what you feel. But I bet your husband feels the same way. I guess you will at least feel empathy for him now.


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## SadandAngry (Aug 24, 2012)

It is better if you stick to one thread, having 2 makes it harder to keep track of the discussion and offer good advice. 

If you want to avoid a ton of heartache, you need to ditch the other guy. Completely, immediately, permanently. You need to sort out your marriage, one way or the other, and continuing to maintain this side relationship will erode any efforts you make.

You need to be Frank and honest with your husband. He needs to talk to you about this, and seek help together, so you both get a full understanding of what is going on. Let him know that talking to others, while refusing to talk to you is way out of line. It violates what you consider to be acceptable, and you are serious about it. If he continues, you will have to follow up with consequences.

You both need to get to the bottom of the problem though.


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## Woodchuck (Nov 1, 2012)

bluebonds said:


> Everything else is great. We are great partners and friends. I could have never imagine this happening to us. It really shocked me when he thought that was funny and didn't wanna talk about it. We always talk about everything. I must be missing something  The only thing he said about it was: I'm sorry I was tired. It was hard to overcome it the first time (he woke up and hour later - I was still crying - and "finished"). The second time he didn't even realized he fell asleep until the next morning, because I was upset. He thought it was hilarious (maybe it's his coping mechanism). The third time was it for me. I don't even want to sleep in the same bed. This is really hard. How does one cope?


Come on now, sit on old Chucks knee and we'll talk about it.....I have had about 8 ozs of bourbon at this point,(spat with the wife) and I don't drink, so let's talk about it....I am sure your guy loves you....After all, you are concerned enough about your intimacy to come here looking for help, and that shows your heart is in the right place...He would have to be a real schmuck not to love you right back....Booze can affect different people in different ways, and it might be the only reason....However when I was a young ruttin buck, no amount of liquor could have stopped me from doing my duty, so make sure he is getting enough sleep, eating right, and a little exercise couldn't hurt....In the mean time, is he on any meds? They can be a problem....In the mean time, take advantage of "Morning wood" to eliminate lack of sleep as a cause....Hope the efforts of a horney ole drunk are taken in the right spirit.....Good luck....:smthumbup:


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