# Harbored Feelings



## bluetofusundae (May 7, 2010)

My ex had a strong emotional affair with a "friend" of his that ended our relationship. We have since realized that we still love each other very much and want to try to reconcile. Things are going slow but I do see a positive change in us. We have talked about moving back in together but I am unsure. Not because I don't want him with me and my daughter but because I am having a hard time working through the pain. I am still hurt. I know that we can't move forward as long as I harbor these feelings and dwell on the hurt. I just don't know how to trust him again or let go of the hurt, anger and resentment I feel ....any suggestions?


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## chuckles (May 2, 2010)

Be patient. If you want things to truly be reconciled then don't rush anything. If anything exists going into this relationship anew that was the cause of the last separation, it will not last. Be forgiving. When you fight - don't bring this emotional affair into it. Don't say things like "well at least I didn't..." That will drive him further away. Focus on the positive. Commend him on the positive and tell him you expect to receive the same commendations. Everything has to exist in a positive atmosphere, with love and hope for a brighter tomorrow. Nothing will be fixed in a negative, unforgiving, condescending tone or sphere. Patience must be exercised and time taken. Lots of time.

(So you know, my wife cheated on me, and then we got back together. I do have a little experience in this). 

Wishing you the best with my empathy and apologies that you have to endure this struggle,

Chuckles


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## bluetofusundae (May 7, 2010)

Thanks Chuckles. I don't bring up this affair in fights. That is just stepping backwards as you said. We have talked openly and honestly about it and have put "her" in our past. Well he has anyway. I find her in little things, in my day. 

I used to love when he made me pancakes and after finding out they were her favorite....I can't stand the smell of them. They literally make me want to gag. We talk and he'll say something funny and I fight to hold back tears because I know he's said that to her. It's like everything we had has been tainted with her toxicity. 

I'm moving away because my apartment feels tainted. The move is a step in the right direction for my life but I feel crazy.


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## chuckles (May 2, 2010)

Take plenty of time. It doesn't sound like you're completely over this which will need to happen if a second chance will be worth the thought, let alone the blood, sweat and tears. You're going through a difficult time. Find a friend that you can rely on 24/7 to be in contact with so that you surround yourself with a support group of sorts. My minimum for getting back together in this circumstance would be twelve months.


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