# Hey



## PetrolHead (9 mo ago)

Just a line to say hiya.

52 year old man who is separated from wife of 12 years who decided to have an affair with our neighbour!

So although we are separated she is just next door!!


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

PetrolHead said:


> Just a line to say hiya.
> 
> 52 year old man who is separated from wife of 12 years who decided to have an affair with our neighbour!
> 
> So although we are separated she is just next door!!


Hiya! Welcome to TAM!
Well that sucks, she’s right next door… probably what? Still doin’ the neighbor right in front of you?

You’re divorcing I assume? Kids?


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Hi and welcome. Are you going to stay living there? I would move in your position.


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## PetrolHead (9 mo ago)

BeyondRepair007 said:


> Hiya! Welcome to TAM!
> Well that sucks, she’s right next door… probably what? Still doin’ the neighbor right in front of you?
> 
> You’re divorcing I assume? Kids?


It turns out they have been 'doing it' for much longer than I originally thought!
I work away and last Christmas I hoped to be home but couldn't make it happen!
Via social media I discovered they were an 'item'!
Our daughter confirmed it and when I returned she had already moved in with him!
Yes going for divorce but my daughter is very sensitive so I am being 'nice'!!


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

PetrolHead said:


> It turns out they have been 'doing it' for much longer than I originally thought!
> I work away and last Christmas I hoped to be home but couldn't make it happen!
> Via social media I discovered they were an 'item'!
> Our daughter confirmed it and when I returned she had already moved in with him!
> Yes going for divorce but my daughter is very sensitive so I am being 'nice'!!


Ouch...that's tough. I'm sorry to hear it guy.
How old is your daughter?


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## PetrolHead (9 mo ago)

Diana7 said:


> Hi and welcome. Are you going to stay living there? I would move in your position.


I have no choice but it helps I work away. He is musclebound and a knucklehead so the last thing I want to do is make matters worse!
He sent me an SMS saying 'ain't life strange and hope we can be civil about it all'!


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

PetrolHead said:


> Via social media I discovered they were an 'item'!
> Our daughter confirmed it and when I returned she had already moved in with him!


And you find out over SM...man... what way to find out.
She left you and you didn't even know it.

Be shed of the ummmm "woman" I use that term lightly.

I'm glad it's not in your face every day at least. Co-parenting will be easier I guess. Silver Linings?


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## PetrolHead (9 mo ago)

BeyondRepair007 said:


> Ouch...that's tough. I'm sorry to hear it guy.
> How old is your daughter?


16!
It is a mind f#&k!!!


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

PetrolHead said:


> 16!
> It is a mind f#&k!!!


I guess she's old enough to understand the score here.


Yea.... mind f#&k!!! x1000

So the D is in process? Any court dates in front of you?
You're playing nice... is SBXW playing nice too?


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## PetrolHead (9 mo ago)

BeyondRepair007 said:


> And you find out over SM...man... what way to find out.
> She left you and you didn't even know it.
> 
> Be shed of the ummmm "woman" I use that term lightly.
> ...


Yes! I saw a photo of them kissing and a comment under said 'get a room' and he replied we have a house! I wish I screen grabbed it as the next day it was deleted!
My daughter likes him which really is tough!


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## PetrolHead (9 mo ago)

BeyondRepair007 said:


> I guess she's old enough to understand the score here.
> 
> 
> Yea.... mind f#&k!!! x1000
> ...


She is but my wife is being difficult and suggests we divorce when our daughter is 'grown up'! My daughter does not want us to divorce!!!
I can see them getting there way and my daughter siding with 'them'!


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

PetrolHead said:


> She is but my wife is being difficult and suggests we divorce when our daughter is 'grown up'! My daughter does not want us to divorce!!!
> I can see them getting there way and my daughter siding with 'them'!


I don't know what the benefit of waiting would be. It sounds to me like a way to keep you on a leash while she plays with her new toy.
I don't think I would have that.
Don't let you soon to be ex wife (SBXW) run the show or you'll get bent over.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

PetrolHead said:


> She is but my wife is being difficult and suggests we divorce when our daughter is 'grown up'! My daughter does not want us to divorce!!!
> I can see them getting there way and my daughter siding with 'them'!


Is there some sort of financial advantage (for her) to remain married to you?

Talk to a solicitor about the possible whys.

It could be a minor reason, say, for convenience purposes, insurance, other government benefits.
Your daughter is likely in _Key Stage 4_, how will a divorce affect her, going forward?

Just know, whatever their plans are, it is not for YOUR benefit.
I would make all of them financially uncomfortable.

That is the least you can do.

..............................................................

Do you work on the oil rigs?


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

PetrolHead said:


> It turns out they have been 'doing it' for much longer than I originally thought!
> I work away and last Christmas I hoped to be home but couldn't make it happen!
> Via social media I discovered they were an 'item'!
> Our daughter confirmed it and when I returned she had already moved in with him!
> Yes going for divorce but my daughter is very sensitive so I am being 'nice'!!


Your D should be MAJOR PISSED OFF at her mother for acting like this and screwing you over. I wouldn't "nice" anything, as in give away anything in the divorce. Get a shark and go for blood.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

PetrolHead said:


> I have no choice but it helps I work away. He is musclebound and a knucklehead so the last thing I want to do is make matters worse!
> He sent me an SMS saying 'ain't life strange and hope we can be civil about it all'!


So you have no choice but to stay? You can't move a few miles away?


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

PetrolHead said:


> She is but my wife is being difficult and suggests we divorce when our daughter is 'grown up'! My daughter does not want us to divorce!!!
> I can see them getting there way and my daughter siding with 'them'!


You need to talk with your D and let her know that her MOTHER is the one who was wrong, and even introducing him to her is WRONG. SHE is the one who screwed you over, and there is no place in a marriage for a third party.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

PetrolHead said:


> She is but my wife is being difficult and suggests we divorce when our daughter is 'grown up'! My daughter does not want us to divorce!!!
> I can see them getting there way and my daughter siding with 'them'!


16 is nearly grown up. Don't let her call the shots here.


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## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

Do what is best for you. Your daughter should come out of this understanding her mothers actions were 100% wrong in every way. Going easy and slowly because your daughter is sensitive is not a reason to teach her the lesson that actions don't have consequences.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

PetrolHead said:


> She is but my wife is being difficult and suggests we divorce when our daughter is 'grown up'! My daughter does not want us to divorce!!!
> I can see them getting there way and my daughter siding with 'them'!


I don't know why she wants to carry on that charade since she's already with the guy next door and the daughter knows it. But you definitely don't have to go along with her and can file divorce and it'll probably be 2 years before it's final anyway. Sorry you're going through that. That's crappy. You need to divorce and you've only got 2 years left before your daughter is a legal adult. But if you do happen to get the divorce final before she's 18 at least you can take your daughter away from that toxic mess for half of the time in joint custody.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

PetrolHead said:


> She is but my wife is being difficult and suggests we divorce when our daughter is 'grown up'! My daughter does not want us to divorce!!!
> I can see them getting there way and my daughter siding with 'them'!


This is because she wants to step seamlessly into her new life with her new lover without having any repercussions or mess. 

She wants you to just suck it up and accept it and play nice so she doesn’t have to experience any unpleasantries. 

She and your daughter both have zero respect for you and if you go along with this and cater to them, then you do not have any respect for yourself either. 

You have been so detached and separate from them as to be almost insignificant to them. This is all very sad.


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