# Second Guessing...sad to lose my best friend



## jasmine01 (Jan 4, 2012)

My husband of 8 years (anniversary was yesterday - SAD day) and I have been separated for 8 months. He was going through a mid-life crisis or depression and really wasn't himself. It was his decision to leave and within a month he was ready for a divorce. I could see this was a different person, but really wanted to fight for our marriage. I went to counseling a few times and convinced him to come once. He couldn't even think of one reason to work on our marriage. 

He really is my best friend, which is one of the hardest things through this. We spent most of our time together and now I see that is because we had some major trust issues. Just as I would learn to trust him again, another issue would happen and we would be back at square 1. I think it was just easier to spend all of our time together than have to worry about the trust thing.

Also, intimacy was always a struggle. We are very open and talk a lot, but I think after so long I stopped pushing it because I was sick of being denied. We were trying to have a baby for the last two years and I think I took that like our intimacy was "fixed" because we were intimate more, but it was also because it was basically scheduled, but still a struggle too. He liked to find excuses.

So, I kind of pushed that we get out of this in limbo and said we move to the next step. He met with a lawyer today and now I am second guessing. He has done a complete 180 and wants to work on this, but how can I ever trust him again?? I cannot imagine being intimate with him again because I am so hurt through all of this. Is that a sign? I think I am the most sad about losing my best friend though. It is really lonely and we have so much in common....so confused!

Sorry this is so long, but maybe I just needed to get this all out!


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## This is me (May 4, 2011)

This is very intersting to me. I find myself after 9 weeks of her walking away considering moving towards a lawyer, which should either end it or make her finally step up to the plate. 

The thing I can see in myself is my own resentment building. If she ever stepped up and wanted to work on it, I see where now I might resent seeing her finally coming around.

I would be interested in seeing how yours plays out. 

Sorry you are going through this! Hopefully these MLC/depressed spouses are not a complete waste of time and energy.


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## jasmine01 (Jan 4, 2012)

Yes, after so long of being separated I don't know how I can ever go back. Since trust was already an issue for us, I feel like I would always wonder if the next fight will send him on his way again.

But then I feel like having him as my best friend maybe we can just deal with it like we have been for so many years. Do I have too high of expectations for a marriage?

I just think of how much we have in common and how great we are together. I don't know that there really is anyone else out there. Is this normal when it is getting close to finally ending a marriage??


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