# Patience isn't my virtue



## damaginglost (Jan 31, 2014)

My wife and I have been married for about 10 years. We dated for five years before I proposed. Recently she decided that she isn't sure if she wants to be married to me. I am a honest man to her. I have never had an affair physically or emotionally. But I haven't been the easiest person either. I have an anger issue when I drink and I don't have to drink alot for this. It sometimes only takes two or three beers for the monster to come out. We had planned on a vacation for our anniversery, while talking about it I had asked her how the prices were for the trip. I wanted her to make the majority of the plans since she really knows what she wants. After asking about the prices I had asked if she still wanted to go since she still hasn't made up her mind. She still wanted to go but asked me the same question. My response was "I doubt if we make it that long". Yes I know not something I should have said but I said it. A couple of days later she asked me if I seriously thought if were going to stayed married that long. I didn't mean to open the can of worms but I yet I am. We had alot of discussions shortly after that. In one of those talks she told me that she loved me but wasn't in love with me. I was devastated. I love her and is in love with her. She mentioned the thought of divorce doesn't make her sick anymore. It does to me. Then one night with her family she brought out a video that a friend of hers sent. I naturally asked which friend it was. She told me an old friend from high school. we are in our mid 30's. I told her that I never heard of this friend. After a little discussion it comes out that is a guy she was engaged to back then but he cheated on her and they broke up. He had found her on social network and wanted to apologize for everything. Which is fine with me but he wanted to exchange numbers and stay in contact. Not fine with me. We had talk some more about him and found out that she had sent him some innocent landscape pictures. He doesn't live close to us. I told her one night in a 4 beer rage that I didn't like it one bit and that I wanted her to not contact him in any way. Not mature I know. She didn't like my comment. A few days later I had asked her about being cold and distant. she said that she didn't think she was. Look like she was hiding her phone from me when in the same room. I thought she was cheating on me. She claims she never would. But I asked why out of all her old friends why him. Her response was "because He was there". Emotional cheating to me but what do I know. I went to visit family for a week to think and cry about all this. Needed to get my head on straight. I had been open about everything, no secrets, no lies. She still hasn't given me a reason why she doesn't want to be married to me. I tried not to push but told her that I can't help myself until I know what needs to be fixed. I honestly want us to remain married. She told me that she will try to try to work on the marriage. She still hasn't said anything to me. I have told her that I am frustrated with this right now. I told her that if she was open to talking way back when then we wouldn't be in this bad of a situation. Not smart but she holds everything in for days before she erupts with feelings. She agreed to a marriage counselor with me. I want to not be angry. I promised time and time again to quit drinking even though I drink 4 beers every other week. I am willing to do whatever it takes. But still frustrated that she won't open up to me. I know Im not perfect. I know I have caused issues in the past. I know I have broken promises. I want to show her that now we are in this situation I am dead serious about changing. I am sure there is more that I have forgotten but I need help. Even the Pastor won't call me back. I have no one to talk to right now I am lost, scared confused.


----------



## indiecat (Sep 24, 2012)

MC is an excellent start. As is reading the book His Needs, Her Needs. If drinking loosens you tongue too much then it is a problem. 

She may have the 'grass if greener' syndrome going on. 

Physically how are things between you? 

MC will be a good way for you to discover what is brewing with her. Make sure you let her talk in MC and don't interrupt or give opinions where they aren't being asked for.


----------

