# Divorce process started and starting to have feelings for soon to be ex



## zengirl (Jun 22, 2010)

Hello folks,

I wrote back in July 'separated and mind games.; I filed for divorce not too long ago - I was pretty angry and it gave the fuel needed to go forth with it. I had a far from perfect marriage - saw a marriage councilor - nothing worked. A lot of resentment, angry, lack of communication, respect, emotional and bit of physical abuse. All of a sudden my ex text me and admits that he is wrong and took majority of the blame/ fault for the breakdown of the marriage. In months we had a civil conversation - and were forthcoming with our feelings. He still loves me and misses me but we both acknowledged that too much has happened. For god sakes we are going through a divorce and final papers should be here in a few months. I do love him and miss him. I am starting to feel torn for the first time in months. I am feeling empty and starting to question if I did the right thing. Is this normal part of the seperation/ divorce process? Is there a way to go back? Do things get better or worse?? we have no kids and still are pretty young. the divorce is a breeze - no lawyers etc. I have forgiven him. Not sure if its closure or something more. 

Advice??

zen:scratchhead:


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## Applepies (Nov 14, 2010)

Relationships are hard work. Are you willing to relive what you just went through this past year? Probably thinking, no thanks. Or would you regret not giving this another chance? People sometimes reconcile after a divorce, it's not unheard of.

I suppose I would cautiously spend some time with him. If it looks like it's going to go down the same path though, it might have the same result.

What would have to change for a reconciliation to be possible? The old way didn't work, what could you two do to avoid making the same mistakes?

I know personally, that putting God at the center of a marriage will give it a greater chance for success. Is there a Calvary Chapel nearby? Those are great places for couples to grow and learn how to really love and honor each other.

You can ask God to give you wisdom and discernment in this situation, He will be faithful to help and guide you.


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## greeneyeddolphin (May 31, 2010)

It's pretty common in divorce to have feelings of regret, doubt, and indecision; you're letting go of a huge part of your life, making a major change that affects every part of your life. Who wouldn't have second thoughts about that? 

What you have to do is figure out if these thoughts/feelings are the normal doubts or if there is something more to them. 

IF you were to decide that you wanted to try to work things out, I believe most states have a way that you can put a divorce on hold for a bit while you try to work things out. You could do that while you two attend marriage counseling and look into other things to try to change things. Then if it didn't work out, you'd simply restart the divorce process and be done with it. 

I would be very careful in doing that, though. You two have already agreed that too much has happened. I would keep that thought in mind. If you've had that thought, even once, I'd say it's the right thought and you should continue on with the divorce. 

Regardless of what you decide, best of luck!


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## Atholk (Jul 25, 2009)

20% of people bitterly regret their divorces and regard it as a terrible mistake.

Usually though they are not the same people as those that were physically hit and routinely cheated on.

Suggest you re-read your own posts.


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## Applepies (Nov 14, 2010)

There's this movie by Dyan Cannon called the End of Innocence. See if you can get a copy. Let go of the nuts!


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## annarasgi (Nov 24, 2010)

Hey - I have not read your old posts but I currently in a not so great situation myself. Generally with life... reconciliation is better than discord. All the same... search your heart. I was going to leave mine but didn't. I know things can work, but I feel empty. I do not know if this place of frustration is worth it. If you give it a shot, search your heart for that ounce of fulfilment.


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## HM3 (Aug 18, 2010)

Zen,

According to your previous posts you said your husband was abusive. I'm sure you've read up a great deal on abuse and it states that most abusive men do not stop being abusive. In fact the abuse gets worse.

If your husband takes on full responsibility of the abuse, he should go to a perpertrator's programme - this is full dedication of at least 1.5 - 2 years. Even then they may not change. It has been shown that some abusers stop the violence but continue emotional abuse.

Please think about why you left in the first place.

Take care. x


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## sbbs (Sep 21, 2009)

I agree with *HM3*

Of course your husband is being charming and disarming right now. He's an abuser. His game is to have you feel self-doubt for just long enough to get you to allow yourself to be abused again. Since you're about to sign final papers, this is his last chance to get you back into his cycle again.

Reread your old posts, as others in this thread have suggested. It's _very _unlikely that your husband has really changed.


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