# Thoughtfulness



## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

I don’t want to get into a big gender battle. But I want to know from the women is do you think generally speaking men are less thoughtful than women? 
I am not saying men aren’t thoughtful. IMO they tend not to be AS thoughtful as women. 

My question is... is it how we raise children that causes this? Or do you think it’s innate? Or are we just expressing thoughtfulness differently.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

Not sure if you also want to hear from men, but if so, I've seen thoughtful and thoughtless men and women. No clearly large number either way. Its always difficult to tell from individual experience because the statistics are so low


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

I also think that in my head I’m more thoughtful than I really am if that makes sense. Like I think about my boyfriend all the time but maybe I’m not actually anything thoughtful to him, or that he perceives as thoughtful. 

Also, I love watching kids and their behavior. It’s cute to see kids do thoughtful things for other people.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

It's the way in which the thoughtfulness is expressed that makes the difference. 

Woman can connect many dots together at once which makes it more emotionally thoughtful ... 
while the man will say I was thinking of ways in which I could help you .... so I bought you this appliance thing .....


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

Its also possible to be thoughtful in a way that matters to you, but doesn't actually matter to your partner. As an example when my wife cooks, she always tries to make a very nice meal for me, but food isn't something that is important to me. I'd much prefer her to spend less time cooking and more time with me.

I'm sure the same sort of thing is true for things that I do that seem important to me but are not to her.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

Girl_power said:


> I don’t want to get into a big gender battle. But I want to know from the women is do you think generally speaking men are less thoughtful than women?
> I am not saying men aren’t thoughtful. IMO they tend not to be AS thoughtful as women.
> 
> My question is... is it how we raise children that causes this? Or do you think it’s innate? Or are we just expressing thoughtfulness differently.


Sigh.

Discussions that start from an irrational, indefensible position rarely lead to anything productive. 

All women are not more thoughtful than all men. I’ve certainly been the thoughtful one in more than one relationship. 

Variability between individuals in any given gender is generally greater than statistical variability between the genders themselves. 

What are you really trying to ask here?


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

Just take gender out of it. If your partner isn't as thoughtful as you would like, then let's talk about that. If you want to raise children to be thoughtful, then let's talk about kids and how to foster thoughtfulness.

Personally I believe it's a mixture of nature and nurture for many qualities in people. Do we foster thoughtfulness in male children as much as we do in female children? Possibly. Depends on the parents. I try to treat my children the same in regards to chore division, discipline, affection etc (boy and girl). They've both shown they are capable of being thoughtful, and both have also been thoughtless.

As you see more and more of these discussions, you realise how insidiously divisive they can be. Everyone on here is human (I assume), let's just go from there.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

https://www.5lovelanguages.com/


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

I have yet to be in a relationship where I was less thoughtful than the woman I was involved with. In a few I was way more thoughtful and considerate including my marriage.


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## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

If "thoughtfulness" could be measured in how quickly one replies with emotional rhetoric rather than taking time to really think about what was being said, my wife would be seen as considerably less "thoughtful" than I. But that's just one thing. There are many things people are "thoughtful" about, with different ways of expressing those thoughts for each.


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## Laurentium (May 21, 2017)

> A woman means by unselfishness chiefly taking trouble for others; a man means not giving trouble to others.


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## Ed3n (Sep 25, 2018)

Thoughtfulness is determined by the person, not their gender. Of course how children are raised plays a part, but it is not a guarantee that a child raised in a loving home will be thoughtful, or even a decent human being. 

There are many children from abusive homes that turn out to be a kind, loving, and thoughtful adult. They learned to be that way, perhaps, because it was so lacking in their home life. 

Children often mimic and model the behaviors they see, so it can't hurt to show a child how to be thoughtful by being a thoughtful person through daily actions and words. 

Granted, society tries to tell boys to be stronger, and less emotional than women. So, that could certainly impact how thoughtful a male is. However, many of those "macho" men only display those traits in public, but in the privacy of their own homes they will cry at the same movies their wife does. I know several of them.

I think being thoughtful is just part of being a good person. Personally, I try to do at least one random kind act for a stranger every day, and encourage my children to do so as well. Sometimes it's letting a car merge in heavy traffic, or stopping to talk to someone who looks like they could use a friend, other days it is paying for someone groceries. 

Small gestures matter, often more than the big ones. When my daughter was 4, an older woman commented on how pretty your little girl is. She got teary eyed as she talked about how much she missed her own grandchildren. My daughter ran across the aisle and gave her a long hug, and told her that she was sorry that she was so sad. The grandmother said "I needed that. Thank you" with a huge smile on her face. My daughter had no clue how meaningful her hug was, she did it because it felt like the right thing to

Best advice I was ever given: "Be kind to each other. You never know what someone else has going on in their life."


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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

I can't speak for everyone, but I am absurdly thoughtful, almost like I have ESP. I think thoughtfulness varies. Some people simply don't have that ability. When married my wife was never particularly thoughtful. Not because she didn't care though....but...in some cases I do think people aren't thoughtful because you don't mean that much to them....it varies.


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## moon7 (May 5, 2013)

Girl_power said:


> I don’t want to get into a big gender battle. But I want to know from the women is do you think generally speaking men are less thoughtful than women?
> I am not saying men aren’t thoughtful. IMO they tend not to be AS thoughtful as women.
> 
> My question is... is it how we raise children that causes this? Or do you think it’s innate? Or are we just expressing thoughtfulness differently.


Yes, at least the Men I know seem to be IN GENERAL less toughtful than the women, and I dont believe its because of social conditioning or anything related for many reasons, but i Will quote a simple reason: me and Bro were raised the same way and close in age and he os brutaly ""less thoughtful"" than i am.


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

Women are the biological socializers. Humans are social animals who depend on societies to survive; within human societies, women are thought to be the social arbiters that make the rules. In basic terms, if men want sex and the chance to perpetuate the species, women will insist that they become socialized enough to raise their children safely to adulthood.

So, women by and large make the rules that they then judge the men by. With this background, I would say that men are less thoughtul than women....who have defined thoughtfulness with their own metrics.

It's definitely a rhetorical no-win for men.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

It depends on which life-topics for us I'm thinking.

Mostly she is, regarding family relations get togethers and yes for me. I do spend time thinking of her needs. She spreads her thoughtfulness out more, I guess.


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## Benbutton (Oct 3, 2019)

Thoughtfulness is not gender specific.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

AliceA said:


> Just take gender out of it. If your partner isn't as thoughtful as you would like, then let's talk about that. If you want to raise children to be thoughtful, then let's talk about kids and how to foster thoughtfulness.
> 
> Personally I believe it's a mixture of nature and nurture for many qualities in people.


I agree... and Girl_power wondering what you are determining from this that relates to you/or those around you?


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