# Need Some Men's Opinions



## Needing Help... (May 15, 2010)

I posted this under general, but I really should have posted it here. My husband is not going to care one bit about what any other girl in the world says about it.

Been married 10 years. Been together almost 14. At the 7 year mark of being together, husband had a long affair. We separated, but eventually got back together. It's been a long road, but things are better. Husband never took marriage seriously until he lost it. Suddenly, an old friend contacts him. He and another female friend want to see him. Female friend happens to be someone he had relations with before we got together. Also messed around with her once shortly after we started seeing each other. I would be willing to say that it was early enough that we weren't exactly to the point of being exclusive yet. Though he tells me this, so I've always felt threatened by this girl. During our separation, he tells me he "saw" her a few times as well.

Suddenly, the guy friend gets in touch with him this week. He decides to talk with me about how I feel about him seeing the two friends. He tells me that he has NOT seen her since that time him and I had first hooked up. Says he honestly doesn't know why he lied about it while we were separated. He did a lot of lieing during that time.., I don't really know why he would lie about it either. I explain to him that regardless of that, I have never been comfortable about her and I would not like it if he saw her without me there. 

So... Last night, he's at work. Our daughters were supposed to have a softball game (got rained out) so he had stated he would leave work close to 6. I text him at 6:15, he doesn't respond. I call him at 6:45 and he tells me the two friends are at his work talking to him and another old friend of their's that happens to work with my husband still. He swears he told me he wasn't going to get off at 7. Clearly forgetting about our girls' game and how there was no way he would make it there if he left at 7. 

Now, we're fighting. I am feeling a bit betrayed as I told him exactly how I felt about this, and he chose to do it anyways. He maintains that I am being controlling and don't trust him. Honestly, trust shouldn't have even come into play. It was a situation that made me uncomfortable, and he was told that ahead of time and chose to make me uncomfortable. So now I feel like it was really that important to him to see her?

He has actually asked me to post this because he thinks I am just being controlling, untrusting, and delusional. So, here it is.


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## thetruth (May 15, 2010)

Well he was completely open with you about the situation which shows good faith and no deception. And these people came to his place of work to see him and a mutual friend so I don't understand what your problem is. Its not like he went out and met this woman alone at a bar or something, you're being really unreasonable IMO. You have a choice, you can either give him the benefit of the doubt and trust him and let him hang himself with the rope you give him or you can live your life miserable and constantly suspicious, seeing phantom affairs behind every situation.


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## Needing Help... (May 15, 2010)

I was hoping at least one person would side with my husband. It does show me he's not alone in his way of thinking, that sometimes seems so foreign to me! 
My biggest problem is the simple fact that I asked him not to do it. It is not that I am constantly suspicious. Things have really progressed better for us than I could have ever imagined after the affair. This particular person makes me uncomfortable though. I've always felt that way. The way he spoke of her when he told me they had been together. I didn't just imagine this, he built her up in a way that has always made me uncomfortable about her.

And the people did not come up to his work unannounced. They called, and he says he tried to tell him he'd be at a location further away but they still said they would make the drive. So he says he admitted he was right down the street from them and then he invited them to come. 
Again, my issue is that I explained to him exactly how I felt and he chose to do this anyways. He could have easily told them he was at work and really couldn't have the interference at the time, but let's get together when I get off, at my house, with my family, ect. There were plenty of options. The fact that he blatantly did what I specifically asked him not to and is not the least bit sorry for it is what bothers me most. Is that really wrong of me?


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## Needing Help... (May 15, 2010)

I just wanted to hop on here and say that all is well. Thank God! Once hubby got home from work, we got into it again. And somehow, we both were doing a lot more listening this time. We do not fight often at all anymore. And we blew this up way too much. In then end, we discovered that although I felt I totally expressed how I felt about this exact situation, he felt that this situation didn't count. And looking back at what I said, I could see how he felt that way. 

In the end, as much as I do hate fighting with him, I kinda feel this was a good thing. He opened up more to as we talked this out than he has in a long time. He actually told me I hurt him, and explained why. It's nice to know this information so I can make sure I do NOT hurt him like that again! And he has been very understanding with me and assured me he would never hang out with her without me. He felt that at work (he works in a very public atmosphere), with 3 other friends, does not qualify as hanging out. He listened to me explain why I still don't like that, but in the end, I agreed it would be okay in the future. We both agreed that no where else without me would be acceptable. And that if the other friends were not there, he wouldn't there either. And he was more understanding about why I feel threatened by her as well. I love my man. We aren't perfect, but by God's grace, we keep pulling through!

I'm telling you, we don't fight often. And we really blew this up, BAD. I honestly felt earlier today that I wasn't sure how we were going to make it out of this situation, and he admitted he felt the same. I am a very religious girl and I prayed all day that God would help us through this, and he certainly did! As always! And probably in record time for us as well! Thank you all for taking the time to read my post and reply, or even consider replying!


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## thetruth (May 15, 2010)




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## lastinline (Jul 21, 2009)

thetruth said:


>


Brilliant...also sad but true.

LIL


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