# Qeustion for the men out there



## memyselfandi (Jan 10, 2012)

Alright guys..here's a question for you regarding a good friend of mine.

I guess what I'm looking for is honest guys opinons as she is going through a divorce..has been married for 8 years..dated for 10..and wants some dating advice...not only where to start..but where to start looking.

Some of this may sound very silly but she is who she is and is looking for a great guy that will be not only her best friend, but won't cheat. That, for most guys out there should be taken for granted if you'd like to date her.

I know this isn't a dating site but I'd like to give her some input on where to start looking while getting some input from guys out there.

She's a very wonderful person, very outgoing..loves to laugh and is very very funny. However she is also living in the 80's..refuses to have a cell phone..refuses to let her cleavage show even just a little..yet can wear a pair of short shorts like nobodies business.

Being a fan of "granny panties", I recently talked her into wearing "boy shorts" while in addition telling her that showing a little cleavage now and then isn't a bad thing. She's getting there.. 

She still refuses to get a cell phone however and says that she doesn't need one.

I guess that's ok...as she lives in the 80's.

As she goes through her divorce she's realized that since she didn't have kids..she doesn't want a guy that HAS kids either as she can put up with them maybe 8 hours and after that..she's ready to send them home.

I keep telling her how great she is with kids but she's told me.."Nope..I don't want kids..and I don't wanna date anyone WITH kids.."

Ok..she's 35. How many guys is she knocking out of the picture??

She's also stressed that NOBODY is going to tell her how to dress..how to wear her hair..have male friends just as friends, etc. 

In other words..if she's dating someone..he should allow her to hang out with her male friends and know that she'll never cheat on them. In addition..they can hang out with their female friends also and she'll have no problem with it.

In this day and age...at 35...CAN she find a man like this??

Just asking.

Let me give you a little bit about her previous relationship as people change. The thing that scares me most of all is that she hasn't really changed at all..just angry about her divorce.

She was always faithful to her hubby, helped him take care of his family when they were ill and has the biggest heart of anyone I know. Along with that..she also expected her hubby to be with her whenever he wasn't working whether it was grocery shopping, etc.

In addition. she loves someone that would sit through plays with her..go sight seeing..etc.

What's the guys advice out there?


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## bribrius (Jun 29, 2012)

memyselfandi said:


> Alright guys..here's a question for you regarding a good friend of mine.
> 
> I guess what I'm looking for is honest guys opinons as she is going through a divorce..has been married for 8 years..dated for 10..and wants some dating advice...not only where to start..but where to start looking.
> 
> ...


very hard sell. my wife expects me to be with her all the time and it drives me nuts. i cant picture a guy going for that but i could be wrong. The eighties think isnt really a problem. Her anger issues over the divorce could be. she might be perceived as a manhater. i only know two guys in that age range with no kids, by now most are married, divorced, with kids, or paying child support on kids, have step kids. something. But if she waits another decade most of their kids will be moved out and on their own so she doesnt have to deal with them...


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## memyselfandi (Jan 10, 2012)

Yep. I love my best friend to death and want her to be happy after her divorce but I have to shut up and let her find her own way..that's what sucks the most.

She came from a relationship much like yours. Her hubby was a truck driver and when he was home on weekends...well, she expected him to be at her beck and call. 

Grocery shopping, sight seeing, etc.

I think he hated all of it..but did it because he loved her.

However..he also liked to hunt and fish..things she let him do but very little of. In the end..when he finally decided he was going to do it anyway...that's when the fireworks started.

I'm not blaming one or the other as I love my best friend to death..

In the meantime, she's currently hanging out a lot with a guy that recently got out of a 7 year relationship..living with a very selfish all about me girl that expected him to pay all her bills as she ran and messed around with one of his good friends. She has since moved out yet they still work together and I believe he's still not over her.

What strikes me wrong in this entire situation is that I'm trying to save my friend's feelings as she says she's just friends with this guy but all she talks about is him. "It'll be 11 days until I get to see him again, etc."..yet they're just friends.

She says that since she's going through a divorce..she doesn't know what she wants but all I hear is his name. They spend tons of time together and that's great..but eventually..it's going to end and I fear her heart is going to be broken in the process.

This guy lived with someone for seven years. She was a complete manipulator of men and is currently moved out from him and living with a friend of his whom she was messing around with while living with the other guy for 7 years.

He put up with it until she decided to move out. He just let her go but works with her everyday. Obviously he's still in love with her.

My friend has told me that she wants to meet her and either smack her in the face or tell her off which I told her wasn't a good idea.

She's also asked me if there's a way to find out how this guy really feels..yet after he kissed her one night..told me she felt like she wasn't ready.

He kissed HER. Doesn't that say something?? Yet the next day he backed off and told her he didn't know what he wanted. Neither of them know what they want.

My advice to her was to be careful..she's whipped and won't admit it..and him..I think he's just plain noncomittal and still in love with his old girlfriend.

I really think my friend could do better, yet again..being the fact that she told me she doen't want kids..doesn't want anyone with kids..is she just destined out for hurt as her and this guy hang out together until he finds someone else??

I don't know how to tell her to keep a guy like that as she seems happy with things just the way they are..

But how long is THAT goinna last??

Again guys..your opions??


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## Henri (Jun 30, 2012)

Hi
If she is happy with the way she lives, then I think it would do more harm for her to change. In other words she shouldn't change 'to get a man' as that change risks unhappiness regardless of the man's qualities.

I can see you wish her well and want everything for her. I think there is not much more you need to do than to be her close friend, listen to her feelings. Ask her open questions "how does she feel today about him?" etc. She is already knows she isn't ready and neither of them know what they want. In a way that is safe ground regarding your fears, as she is already in a 'no' position but she is finding her feet again.

I think she could very well find a good man. There will be give and take in good relationships (so she may have to go shopping alone some times). I think this is her ideals, she may feel strong about them as it represents her needs, but when the 'right' man enters her life, she will know it and you will feel it too. Until then it is just ideas and feet finding. 

PS: Mobile phones aren't always good in my personal opinion.


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

You are hell bent on massively changing another person, a person who doesn’t want to be changed. Who’s got the problem, you or her? She’s absolutely right to want a person who wants her for who she is, not for who you think she should be.

Good luck with that one.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

she sounds like dead weight to me!

her way or the high way not many relationships thrive in that type of stiuation.

I agree she should look for someone like her instead of changing and giving false impressions to her new buy friend.


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## La Rose Noire (Jun 20, 2012)

She's a cat lady in the making.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## thunderstruck (May 9, 2012)

If I started dating her, and she announced that she WILL keep her harem of guy friends to hang out with...I'd NEXT her azz right there.


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

thunderstruck said:


> If I started dating her, and she announced that she WILL keep her harem of guy friends to hang out with...I'd NEXT her azz right there.


On this site, its going to be hard finding a lot of people who are incredibly supportive of same sex friendships - especially if they possibly overshadow the relationship.


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