# Incompatible sexually



## blueskies30 (Jan 27, 2010)

My husband has been so acting like he hates sex and is not open for any type of sexual discussion. He even gets mad if I send him a sexy text. He is working in another state which we are moving too within 6 months. My fear is he will continue to be this way when we do move to be a family and if he does continue to not want to be open with trying new things sexually and continue to act like sex is somehting bad....I can't continue the marriage and remain faithful.......

I'm wanting to try so many new things on him and hes not open to discuss it. He says because hes 800 miles away and it just teases him.

I want to be more open sexually and I know if he lets his anxiety of fears of what might happen get in the way of having a sex life....that I will end up having some type of affair


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## blueskies30 (Jan 27, 2010)

I don't want to be unfaithful, I want him, but I can't keep myself untamed any longer


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## blueskies30 (Jan 27, 2010)

I will remain faithful while hes out working, I'm not saying I am going to cheat on him. Just that I'm afraid he will be this same way about sex when we are moved because he will focus on if he gets laid off every day and that sex is not important money is more important


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## CanadianGuy (Jun 17, 2012)

How was he before he moved away for work?


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## blueskies30 (Jan 27, 2010)

CanadianGuy said:


> How was he before he moved away for work?


Well we were just reconsiled in January. New years weekend is when he moved back in and it took him 2 weeks to want sex. Then it was sex probbably once a month to occasionally twice a month unless we were away from home. He left for work in June and did not have good bye sex, but we are living at his parents so I figured he didn't want to have sex at his parents house. 

Before our seperation sex was really bad too. It was on average once every 3 months and it was always his idea.


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## CanadianGuy (Jun 17, 2012)

why had you separated?


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## blueskies30 (Jan 27, 2010)

Lots and lots of things lead up to the seperation, but just years and years of communication walls going up on both of our ends. Mainly though we seperated because my parents were very very involved in the marraige and constnatly telling me what to feel and if I only found someone else I would be happy. My husband was trying to pursue me before seperation, but my parents were always in the way......

Now I'm wanting to start our life over so bad, but we can't until we can all move as a family. Something my husband said tonihgt just made me fear that once we are all down there sex will not be important and he will always put worries ahead of spontaneous love making...

I had said he would be happy when we all move down there...He said "no" I said "why not?" he said "cause i'm not a member down here, if i get laid off i will b on list 3"

Hes union so thats what member means


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## blueskies30 (Jan 27, 2010)

based on my husbands texts to me tonight on me telling him I didn't like his reaction of he will be happy when we move down there as a family.....I don't have faith in my marriage at all. 

I said I didn't want him to just worry all the time about getting laid off and then because hes worried all the time all we will do is fight....He just said he guesses we will see what happens when it finally happens


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

blue,

A few questions:

Your ages?
Any Kids?
What was your sex life like with him before you married?
Have you two done any counseling about this and your other issues?


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## needguidance (Aug 17, 2012)

Im going thru something similar with my wife. We started officially reconciling in the 1st week of august. We live in different areas but are moving overseas together the end of this month. I have flown back home twice already to see her back in August. We were separated four months, both dating. Im just having a hard time understanding how she is going about things so slowly. Im not sure if she wants to take things slowly sexually because she wants to make sure I am definite on this trip together, if she has resent for what has happened between us in the past, or maybe she is still hung up over one of the guys she was dating, Im not sure.

Im just terrified we will end up going back to where we were before we separated, very sexless marriage. I still desire her a lot. In your instance though I sometimes will try sexting with her and she shoots down the thought. I sent her a naked pic a few weeks ago and she made a funny comment about facial hair. Im thinking like wtf? Thats all you got out of the pic? Then I sent her one recently and she was telling me how she forgot how good my body looks so I think she's getting up to speed but not at the pace I want lol.


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## blueskies30 (Jan 27, 2010)

Toffer said:


> blue,
> 
> A few questions:
> 
> ...


I'm 33 (34 in feb)
Hes 37 (38 in Dec)

Our sex life was great until 2006-7 and then it just went down down down hill. We had a great sex life and he didn't seem to view sex as something not important or something too embarrassing to talk about. He regularly requested sex by little frazes like "lets see what might pop up" or he would ask me to wear somehting special, his favorite was a full body crotchless netting. I still have the outfit nad would love to wear it again for him.

We do have 3 kids who have special needs, but its life...life must go on. 

Sometimes he seems open to sex communication, but while he is 800 miles away working he is not open to even me saying I miss him and I'm horney. It actually makes him upset if I say I miss him too much.

he has expressed last night that he won't be happy when we all get moved to the state he is in because he may get laid off. I told him I don't want to live in fear, I want to start our life over. Which really can not happen until we can move out with him. 

I'm sort of afraid he has a sexual problem and if he does have a sexual problem that keeps going on after we are moved out there with him...he is not really going to fix it, most likely. 

When I was with him for our anniversary in August, he could get hard, but he could not cum. Ihave not mentioned about it, but I'm afraid his problem was more than just he his worries.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

From what I recall from your posts... Your sex life was bad before your separation. It was bad after you got back together. It's bad now. So why would you expect it to magically be better when you're back in the same place again? You'll have the same people, similar job issues... As Albert Einstein is often quoted "insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results"

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## blueskies30 (Jan 27, 2010)

PBear said:


> From what I recall from your posts... Your sex life was bad before your separation. It was bad after you got back together. It's bad now. So why would you expect it to magically be better when you're back in the same place again? You'll have the same people, similar job issues... As Albert Einstein is often quoted "insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results"
> 
> C
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Thats what I'm afraid of really, thats why i got so upset last night with him saying he was not goign to be ahppy when we move out there. He didn't even let me get to what i was really thinking. I had been reading about sexual ideas that I really want to try.....

I know what the future is if he remains this way about sex and it is going to end the marriage because I can't live this way anymore. Especially in a hot climate and him gone at night because of work. There are going to be too many options around. I'm the queit type that has so many ideas and desires inside. He can talk sexual, but if he is all talk...Its not going to work. He originally wanted to have a private pool to have sex in the pool. YES I'm all for that..... I'm the type that wants adventurous sex......

Hes been wanting a type of sports car for years....I told him in August that he could get his sports car when we can afford it, but he needed to do something....that something is have sex in the car.... He seemed excited about that and told his cousin that he could actually have his Subaru Imprezza WRX STI. His cousin was very suprised and asked what made me change my mind. So my husband told him I said he had to have sex in the car with me. 


My husband seemed very excited and suprised about sex in the car, so I have no clue whether he will change sexually once we are moved away from his controling family, our debt to income ratio is pretty close to zero and we have a stqable roof over our head.


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

So did something happen in 2006-07 that could have affected him mentally? Loss of a family member?

His inability to cum could be related to heavy masturbation while he's away. Only he could tell you that. Maybe why that's the reason he doesn't want you to say certain "stuff" while he's away

I'd also guess he is deprerssed based on what you've written here. Is this a possibility?


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## blueskies30 (Jan 27, 2010)

Toffer said:


> So did something happen in 2006-07 that could have affected him mentally? Loss of a family member?
> 
> His inability to cum could be related to heavy masturbation while he's away. Only he could tell you that. Maybe why that's the reason he doesn't want you to say certain "stuff" while he's away
> 
> I'd also guess he is deprerssed based on what you've written here. Is this a possibility?


IN 2006-07 we lost 2 pregnancies and he had to travel first time for work.

I'm not sure if he is heavy masterbating. Hes not opne about his masterbation at all, although I widh he would tell me how often he "thinks" of me. He acts most of the time like he is not sexual, but I know that is not true at all. 

He does say he is home sick and that me talking about sex only makes him miss me more. He also does not like it for me to tell him often that I miss him.

Although this morning he was totally different. I was able to ask him what kind of car that it was that he really wants. Got him tlaking about cars and asked him if they make him feel like a "man". Than I brought up after he had said they would be fun to go on road trips with me that " Maybe fun in the garage too" "if its cool enough" He asked why, then said "gotcha" I said I like the memories and he said "yeah" I had told him because we can't take the shed with us (we had a quickie in the shed last summer)


My husband included in the conversation that he likes quality and not quantity. 

I'm not sure he was really listening when I said I liked 3 times per week quality and that never ever has it ever been boring.


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## blueskies30 (Jan 27, 2010)

It seems my husband has to be almost completly spontanius and new environments trigger him to want sex. I'm hoping he will really want more sex once we move. We are moving to a warmer invironment where we possibly may have a private pool. He wants to try sex in a pool. I'm all for sex in a pool for the expeirence. 

He also is gets turned on with my summer clothes and wearing bikinis, sex with a bikini on is exciting for him.....we did that once in the ocean


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