# How do you compromise?



## OliveAdventure (Nov 23, 2011)

Wake up in the morning, I want to have a coffee maybe eat breakfast before we decide what we are going to do for the day. For him, it's open his eyes, say good morning and then, what do you want to do today? Do you want to do this? Do you feel like doing that? I feel like if he is so keen on figuring out what to do for the day, why can't he just say, this is what I wanna do today, is that ok? And then we can go from there. But he never actually makes a decision. And he says it's because he wants to make the decision together. But his version of making the decision together is asking me what I want to do until I get fed up of questions and then tell him and then he is satisfied. Why can't we go, get our coffee or breakfast, and then talk about our day? Or even just think of a couple things to do and then go do them and let the day evolve itself? 

How do you wake up and decide the day? And am I the only one that can't stand question after question, when I'm not really even awake yet? At least it's not at 3 in the morning anymore...
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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

You could always try waking up and making out for a good 15 minutes. Maybe then get some breakfast and talk while you are eating


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## OliveAdventure (Nov 23, 2011)

DawnD said:


> You could always try waking up and making out for a good 15 minutes. Maybe then get some breakfast and talk while you are eating


Haha k this is after sex.
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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

I wish I had something solid, but we are both "leave me alone until after two cups of coffee people.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Why not just tell him to let you have your coffee first.

If he can't respect that, take your coffee into the bedroom and lock the door.

He would annoy the feck out of me. Omg. Thankfully my husband and I are quiet in the morning. We don't even talk to each other until about 9.


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## OliveAdventure (Nov 23, 2011)

This is what I want. I want to have no noise until I've had my coffee. My kids are constantly asking me things, they don't stop talking. When they are away at their dads or what have you, is it too much to ask to have silence?? Hehe.. I'm kidding. But a compromise would be nice. Even when we fight he feels he NEEDS to talk about it right meow and I get madder and madder if I'm not given time to cool down. I told him to write me a letter to give me space but then he says I'm getting it all my way, why can't we talk right away... Silence... Such a bitter sweet thing to want...
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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

So its kinda like when you come home and need half an hour to wind down, you need that in the morning? would it work if you explained it to him that way? That you need half an hour to wind up and be able to respond?


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## OliveAdventure (Nov 23, 2011)

Oh and TG, don't even ask what would happen if I were to lock him out of a room I was in lol. And maybe.. I think that part of it is me not understanding why he needs to talk to me alllll the time so I become abrasive and resistant to him and maybe not the nicest when I try to tell him things I need. Its so tiring because its not just a morning thing. He wants to talk when we wake up.. If I say something he constantly wants to share his experiences... If I'm having a problem he constantly wants to try and fix it for me... If I've done something with a friend he wants to know it all... Separately those things are normal for the most part, but all together it feels like he's in my brain alllll the time. Ugh, sorry for the vent!!
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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

No, that's not really normal...especially for a guy LOL

My friend's husband is like that. He never shuts up. I can't be around him for more than 30 minutes at a time. He sets me on edge.

So then...hide in the bathroom? My mom always did that lol.


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## OliveAdventure (Nov 23, 2011)

LoL. Why did she hide in the bathroom??
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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

"yes dear"


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

OliveAdventure said:


> LoL. Why did she hide in the bathroom??
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


For some time away LOL  She'd read for a while...


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

you two don't sound suited to eachother.are you married? if not move on your personalities don't mesh.


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## OliveAdventure (Nov 23, 2011)

Chilly, your attitude sucks  and your name suits you.
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## OliveAdventure (Nov 23, 2011)

And I'm not just saying that because you have your own opinion about my relationship. I've seen your other posts to other people and I can count on one hand how many times you have said something that would contribute as being advise, vs. being very cold and not very helpful.
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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

good luck. but my advice might be more valuable than you think.

when you wake up in 20 yrs feeling the same way.if what you say is true. if your just venting then vent away.

you don't sound like you even want to be with him the way you describe him.

when you love someone they don;t annoye you with their presence.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

OliveAdventure said:


> And I'm not just saying that because you have your own opinion about my relationship. I've seen your other posts to other people and I can count on one hand how many times you have said something that would contribute as being advise, vs. being very cold and not very helpful.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


thanks for the reminder I have been overly cynical as of late.:iagree:


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## KanDo (Jun 15, 2011)

OliveAdventure said:


> Wake up in the morning, I want to have a coffee maybe eat breakfast before we decide what we are going to do for the day. For him, it's open his eyes, say good morning and then, what do you want to do today? Do you want to do this? Do you feel like doing that? I feel like if he is so keen on figuring out what to do for the day, why can't he just say, this is what I wanna do today, is that ok? And then we can go from there. But he never actually makes a decision. And he says it's because he wants to make the decision together. But his version of making the decision together is asking me what I want to do until I get fed up of questions and then tell him and then he is satisfied. Why can't we go, get our coffee or breakfast, and then talk about our day? Or even just think of a couple things to do and then go do them and let the day evolve itself?
> 
> How do you wake up and decide the day? And am I the only one that can't stand question after question, when I'm not really even awake yet? At least it's not at 3 in the morning anymore...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Olive,

When this happens why don't you say " I want peace and quiet until I have had mu coffee--No questions or thoughts because I am not awake yet."

Why make this out into some huge thing?


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## OliveAdventure (Nov 23, 2011)

KanDo, I did.. He got upset and said I'm not contributing to the conversation.. In his defence, I could have been nicer than telling him I don't know, I don't want to talk about this right now, lol.

And Dean. hahaha.. That would work, except he is the laid back one that likes things to be planned... I am the one that doesn't like to map a day unless we HAVE to do things.. And then things are planned out for the day. 

It doesn't work so well because he doesn't like to "tell me what to do". He wants us to make the decision together. His version of making the decision together is asking me what I want to do, me tellig him I'd like to do this and this and this, and him saying ok. 

If I ask him if there's something he wants to do, he'll say "I kind of want to go here to do this.. What do you think?"

It seems strange to me. It's easier if I just get my coffee... Then I can handle his berade of what do you want to do? Where do you want to go?


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