# Marriage or menopause?



## Zenocrate (Jul 15, 2009)

Need to figure out which is causing my overwhelming sadness b/c it's driving me insane. I wake up & want to cry, and then it just continues in waves all day. Not manic - just waves of sadness. 

My marriage has had absolutely no emotion for years. I was resigned to that. Waiting for last child to go to college. But lately, I wonder if I can or should. It just hit me the other day that I have not been hugged in almost 8 yrs, excepting my children. No sex for 10 yrs. I guess I'd been smothering those needs with work, parenting, etc. Now that kids are older don't need me as much, work has smoothed out -- I can't suppress those basic needs so well anymore and I'm just overwhelmed. 

Or is it menopause causing this? Or just amplifying what's all ready wrong? And does it really matter as long as I figure out what in the world to do to feel happy again?

Anyone else been here/done this? What did you do?


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

Zenocrate said:


> Need to figure out which is causing my overwhelming sadness b/c it's driving me insane. I wake up & want to cry, and then it just continues in waves all day. Not manic - just waves of sadness.
> 
> My marriage has had absolutely no emotion for years. I was resigned to that. Waiting for last child to go to college. But lately, I wonder if I can or should. It just hit me the other day that I have not been hugged in almost 8 yrs, excepting my children. No sex for 10 yrs. I guess I'd been smothering those needs with work, parenting, etc. Now that kids are older don't need me as much, work has smoothed out -- I can't suppress those basic needs so well anymore and I'm just overwhelmed.
> 
> ...


Doesn't sound like menapause to me, as its been going on so long. Maybe you pushed those needs aside and now not sure you did the right thing.
I am in menapause............ my husband and I still talk, flirt, kiss and hug. My problems are mostly physical ( hot flahes, achy joints, tired), not emotional.
Could be you subliminated your physical needs and now because the kids are gone, your noticing.


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## dobo (Jun 30, 2009)

Is there any reason it can't be both?


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## Sandy55 (Jun 3, 2009)

It isn't menopause..it is depression!

Ten years of no sex and throwing yourself into everyone else and work...that would depress anyone. You have been slip sliding slowly downhill and now that the depression has gotten to the point you cannot cover it up by throwing yourself into yet another "preoccupation" it has reared it's ugly head.

Menopause is often associated with many things, but depression isn't one of them. Bad marriage is associated with depression; overweight is associated depression; needing change is associated with depression.


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

I was reading online and it said many women become depressed with menapause but more so if they have a history of mood disorders, so it could be you have both.
I've never had depression so in my menapause I dont seem to have it. I would get cranky but certainly not depressed. Crankiness was mostly from severe hot flashes all day long. Doc gave me some pills that took care of that.
You should go see your doctor.
They can draw your blood and see what you need and give you hormones, that should perk you up some. There is always anti-depressants too. Doctor can advise on the options.

ps, I love your little polar bear picture, so cute


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## Zenocrate (Jul 15, 2009)

I did make an apptmt w/ dr. and I did have a 2 yr. "relationship" with Mr. Prozac about 5 yrs. ago. Worked great! So I'll get everything physical checked out, ruled out. 

In my gut I believe Sandy55 hit the nail on the head. I'm finally having to face A) depression, which does run in family and B) a loveless marriage. I really don't want to be the one to leave, to be the selfish *****. I just want to be happy again. I've tried rationalizing ~ possibly there's a wonderful love out there waiting for HIM and I'm standing in the way. Maybe :scratchhead:?

How in the world do you find the courage to leave when no one's really done anything wrong? That's what I can't get my head around.


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

In your situation there seems to be no marriage in a sense so I don't know why you would need courage to leave 
???
and... although I know some people are that way where they wake up and all day have the feeling "I'm not happy" ( sometimes goes on for weeks and months and years) although I never have been that way nor can relate to it. I always felt there was hope I guess maybe because I was willing to do the work to make my own happiness and never expected anyone to provide it for me.
but I have known people who live
in a state of constantly feeling "I'm not happy"...
I just can't relate how someone can feel so bad for so long, yet never do anything about the problem, so wish I could help but I 
can't relate.
Maybe I'm just not ultra sensitive or something? Maybe too...
I just have more initive to solve my problems early on and not live with them. I don't like feeling bad and will try to solve any problems to improve the situation...
and not prone to depression or suicide or anything like that.

Hope your doctor helps you, I wish you the best


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