# Newly wed blindsided by past



## Distressed99 (Oct 22, 2010)

My story starts off somewhat like a fairy tale - met what I thought was a great woman, fell in love and got married. We are both nearing our 40's and it felt like to me that all was fantastic. She had been married before, had a son who was entering his teen years (although her ex-husband was not the father of the child). This was my first marriage and I had no kids. 

She had told me prior to getting married that she was "no angel" when it came to the sex department and I knew that meant she had a promiscuous past. I respected her wishes and never pried into her past. Well one night, after a friend's birthday party, she had a few drinks and decided to spill her guts about her past. I wasn't prepared to hear what I was told. 

She had slept with over 30 or around 30 men, she had multiple abortions in her early 20's and early 30's, she had an affair with a married man that ended with an abortion, slept with friends of boyfriends (and broke up long standing friendships in the process), had an affair with a man she use to work with when she was married, and finally told me her son was conceived during random hook-up after a Super Bowl party when she was 27 years old. 

I felt betrayed and really could not look at her the same after learning these details. I felt like had I known these things before we were married, I doubt I would have married her. She says it was all in the past but I wonder now....I mean she was 30 years old and acting like teenager - completely irresponsible, unprotected sex, abortions, affair with a married man, random hook-ups..etc....does a 30 year old woman have such poor judgment? 

Well I became suspicious that such behavior does not change over night. I looked into her BlackBerry and found a guy on her black berry messenger list whom I did not know. There was a chat on there and I read it and it was sexual in nature. I confronted her about it and she said it was the guy she use to work with (and had a one night stand when she was married) and they communicate once in a while. I was pissed off. She says she has never done anything with him since we have been together but she has in the past sent him pics of her boobs and had coffee with him. She does say all he wants to talk about is sex...go figure! 

I am really close to being done. I feel like my whole world has crashed down around me. Married for just over a year and now on the path to divorce. Is this worth saving? Has anyone experienced the same thing and gotten over it? Any help would be appreciated. Thanks you for taking the time to read my story.


----------



## russ101 (Jan 8, 2010)

My wife is now in her forties, and her situation sounds fairly similar to your wife's. When she was in her twenties she was very promisicuous and slept with alot of different men (including one who was a friend of her fathers and older than her father), had several abortions, and slept with a couple of married men, and cheated on her first husband. However, she was upfront with me about most of this before we got married. She didn't tell me every thing she did, but enough to know she was no angel. I chose to be with her anyway. Over the last 18 years of marriage we have had our problems, but she is no longer the person she was when she was younger. Your wife did not try and hide her past from you and that is a good sign. Even if you didn't want to hear it, she did want to tell you so you could make a decision. Don't hold what your wife did before you were married against her. Everyone has a past. I would however ask her to not keep in touch with the guy she had a one night stand with. Nothing good can come from that. If she respects you at all in the marriage, this is a reasonable request. Your wife does not sound like the women she was when she was in her twenties, so just live in the present, and only worry about what she does now.


----------



## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

She didn't tell you before you were married did she?? Is that why you feel "duped" kinda?? I wish I had some wisdom for you, but I know someone here does.


----------



## ver13 (Oct 22, 2010)

When I look back at some of things that I we have gone through in my 20 yrs of marriage I'm always amazed at how we have changed in so many way's. An how little in others, there are no angels in our relationship and no real bad guy's either. We have both lived a full life and I really can't judge the life she lived before we got together. I have got my wife engaging in a crazy conversation on one occasion and I confronted her with it, that being said it wasn't the same as what you have relayed here in it's entirity but the act of deception is all that matters. I simple put it to her like this " You are a big girl now "and if you think that this type of thing is okay than please don't let me get in the way of your crap. But think about this sometimes when you walk down the road to far and stay out too long when you get back home the same people may not be living there. An should that happen was it worth it.


----------



## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

She is a serial cheater with a past. You have to set out clear boundaries with her.


----------



## honybaby (Oct 22, 2010)

Honestly dont hold her past against her. People do change. I am pretty sure she is not proud for all the things she did. However she shouldnt be txting with guys the way she has been doing. You should let her know that if she wants to work things out then she needs to stop doing those things.. Good Luck.


----------

