# Ok, what should i do?



## tigercat (Oct 6, 2011)

Quick story, me and my wife separated 1 month now and she doesn't want to work on our marriage, i think she is having her emotional needs met by another guy (i think more but thats all that i am sure of). Anyway i'm trying the NC rule with her so i can work on myself and distance myself, help me get over my feelings and give her some space to actually see what its like without me in her life.

I haven't heard from her in a few days but last night she started trying to call my phone and text me to call her, and she continues to call me but i haven't answered any of her calls or text back. Everytime she has called since the separation it was because she wanted something, if i could do this or do that or could i give her money or something stupid.

Am i doing the right thing by not answering and giving her a taste of what she wanted without me in her life or should i answer the phone?


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

What led to your separation? Who moved out? Why do you suspect there is another man?

If she is calling so much you should answer to see what she wants. Be calm. 

Has either party filed anything?


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## Dadof3 (Mar 14, 2011)

if no kids are involved, then continue to ignore. if u have kids, you should respond, but make sure its only about the kids, otherwise let her know you have more important things to do.

She needs to crawl her way back into your life.


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## tigercat (Oct 6, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> What led to your separation? Who moved out? Why do you suspect there is another man?
> 
> If she is calling so much you should answer to see what she wants. Be calm.
> 
> Has either party filed anything?


No party has filed yet, i think she wants me to file because she doesn't have the money but i'm not gonna file because i'm holding on to hope that she might wake up and realize she had a good thing.

The separation was because she told me she loved me but wasn't in love with me anymore and she said we could continue to live together as friends. I said i couldn't live there as friends and she packed my stuff while i was at work so i left.

I suspect there is another man because she told me she has a "friend" who went through the same thing and understands what she is going through. I know they meet up alot at the park to let the kids play together from what i heard. The guy lives like 3 houses over from the house we just bought in May. 

She must have fell for this guy because he was there for her emotional needs and the result was she wanted to kick me to the curb ASAP and get the divorce pronto.


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## tigercat (Oct 6, 2011)

Dadof3 said:


> if no kids are involved, then continue to ignore. if u have kids, you should respond, but make sure its only about the kids, otherwise let her know you have more important things to do.
> 
> She needs to crawl her way back into your life.


Yea unfortunately, thats kinda my dilemma. We do have 2 young kids together and i worry thats why she might be calling. I really don't want to talk to her, she wanted a separate life from me so i'm giving it to her. Like i said usually when she calls its because she wants something, not because of the kids. It seems to not bother her that she doesn't talk to me.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

She packed your stuff and you left? Um, what? I am assuming the home is yours as well. I would not have left "the house we just bought in May," not when she was the one who wanted out. 

No way.

Is OM married???


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

If she is asking you for favors outside of the children, then no dice. You don't have to help her with anything unless it's about the kids.


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## tigercat (Oct 6, 2011)

Well its stupid stuff like bring her this from the store, give her money, ask me pointless questions about a divorce (i think she does this to try to piss me off). 

I have a feeling she is calling me today because her younger brother's g/f is in hospital pregnant about to have the baby today. She probably wants me to go get our kids so she can be worry free at the hospital. She has no1 else to watch our kids right now because her mom is at hospital too. Maybe i'm wrong but i'm not going to let her use me by taking the kids so she can have it easy. She wanted the separation and that means i won't be there for things like this to help her with. She needs to learn that she has to handle the kids and other problems on her own when its her time with them.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Ignore her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tigercat (Oct 6, 2011)

Yea she said i never did for our kids which is a straight up lie, well i'm not going help her out today. She just text me asking if i could go get the girls but i'm not answering back. She will feel what its like to be a single parent and the decision she made. I'll take the the kids when its my time and be the best father i can be, but when its hers she needs to woman up and be the good mom she pretends to be.

She will see that being alone isn't all peachy like she thought it would be.


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## gonefishin (Oct 7, 2011)

Tigercat

Your the father of two children you should call. If the call has nothing to do with the children and she asks you for something, just tell her your busy and she will have to manage herself.

She packed your bags and asked you to move out? Why did you leave? That is your home. Does she bring home a pay check?

How is this going to work out? You pick up the tab and she makes all the decisions.

I would do this based on your posts. She has no money. Call her and ask her if it is ok to have a real estate agent come to the house for a quick appraisal. This alone will set a strong signal to her that if you divorce you want to sell off the assets. Some people think divorce is a cake walk and their lives will not change much.

This is a very inexpensive way to see where your wife's head is. She may say, why do we need to sell the house? Your response should be; if we are getting a divorce, I want to sell off our assets. Tell her you want an appraisal and you want the house on the market. In her mind, she wants to get rid of you and have you support her lifestyle. She is dreaming. She cant even come up with the retainer to hire an attorney.

Does she work? Does she have a college education? If she has a degree and she is not working right now her life is about to be turned upside down.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Tiger are you out of your house? Get your but back there. If she wants out she leaves!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tigercat (Oct 6, 2011)

Some of our problems is we bought a house that would have to be paid on both of our incomes not either one of our incomes alone could afford it. Well i guess when she started to lose feelings for me or when she found this new "friend", she stopped paying all my bills. They came to repossess my truck last week but i was able to save it. All our other bills, medical bills, credit cards and everything else has been sent to collection agencies. So right now with my income i'm digging myself out of a hole. She also told me she was paying the house note but we are 2 months behind and no extra money to show for not having paid these bills. The finance company called me last week and asked what the problem was and i explained and they said that they would send me the papers in the mail that they were taking legal action on me for not making the payments (again cant make the payments when i don't have the money).

My wife had a job but the business was slow so they started cutting everyone there's hours so instead of her doing something about it like finding a new job, she just did nothing.

I brought in 80% of the income but she now says its my fault because i have a "boys job".

I know i should move back in because it is my house and she can't stop me but if i don't come up with the payments now they are just going to foreclose on it soon. 

I realize i should have never left but she said we could continue to live there as friends and i let my emotions get the best of me because this would hurt too much. I said i would move out and the next day she packed my stuff and had it ready for me.


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## ArmyofJuan (Dec 29, 2010)

tigercat said:


> No party has filed yet, i think she wants me to file because she doesn't have the money but i'm not gonna file because i'm holding on to hope that she might wake up and realize she had a good thing.


Actually filing for a divorce will be a step in waking her up, it will make it seem more real. Both of you not doing anything just leaves things in limbo and that's not where you want to be. You have to appear strong and in control from her point of view if there's a remote chance to R.



> I suspect there is another man because she told me she has a "friend" who went through the same thing and understands what she is going through. I know they meet up alot at the park to let the kids play together from what i heard. The guy lives like 3 houses over from the house we just bought in May.


Sounds like an EA for sure, you can't compete with an affair so don't even try. As long as an A is going on there's no chance to R and A's don't go away overnight. 

Best way to kill it is to expose it then basically dump her. Reality is the number one killer of affairs. Once they become "real" relationships they die on the vine.

Also ignore her, if it was important she would text you or leave a voice mail about what it was.


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## tigercat (Oct 6, 2011)

OK so everyone agrees i need to move back in this house with the wife and kids and try to work on these payments to keep the house. The loan is under my name so there is nothing she can do to keep me out the house right? And its my house and yard so i can lay down the rules that this OM she is hanging around can't come in my yard and definently not the house, right? (he only lives 3 houses over) But the hard thing that i'm worried about is watching the woman that i still love go and leave to have a night with OM or her sneak out to meet OM when i'm sleeping or try to sneak him in while i'm away from the house or sleeping. This situation sucks and i wish the nightmare was over, just want my normal life back.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Tigercat you were told awhile ago leaving the house was a bad mistake.
Move back in now.

Your wife doesn`t want you so stop making her life easy.

Catch up your mortgage, contact an attorney, get the divorce process going, and start a bank account in your name only from which you pay YOUR bills and she has no access to.
Cancel any joint credit cards and accounts you have and go single on everything.

She doesn`t have a job she`s going to crack sooner or later if she has no cash to do or pay for anything.

Stop making it so easy for her to carry on this affair and yes it is an affair.
This has undoubtedly gone physical, if it was still all emotional before you left you can be certain it`s gone physical since you`ve been gone.

Stay NC with her except for legitimate communication about the kids and separation of finances.


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## tigercat (Oct 6, 2011)

I know you are right but what makes things complicated is we are behind on house notes. I can't make them alone and she has barely any income. How could i keep that up for long? I don't want to lose the house and i do need to be in it, just dont' know what to do about finances. 

The stupid B**** talked me into getting this house we could barely afford a few months ago against my will i took the chance and listened to her, trusted her, then a few months later she drops this bomb.


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## WomanScorned (May 8, 2011)

Since you have kids, you need to have contact with her. I know it sucks to have contact with her, but the kids need you, too. Be very careful not to put them in the middle of this by using them to get back at her. I know how hard it is.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Tigercat, pay bills in following order: food, house, everything else. If you pay just food and the house can you begin making payment ?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

I agree, cancel all extraneous stuff like cable, internet, etc (use the library for email)


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## tigercat (Oct 6, 2011)

I could make the note by my self but just barely. I wouldn't have money for electricity , my truck note, gas or insurance .....thats where the wife was supposed to pick up the slack but instead she just gave up. She wanted this house and 3 months later she decides she doesn't want us, SMH!!!! I told her she needed to move out but i don't think she listened, if they come to claim the house and shes in it, she will freak out but i warned her. Oh and if some of you want to donate money to help me out, i'll take cash or check, lol just playing. :smthumbup: I'm just in a pickle and can't get out of it i guess.


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