# Success of marriage counseling?



## waynenewton (Jan 13, 2012)

I am just curious if anybody on here has, or knows anybody who has, gone through marriage counseling. Can you please give me both the pros and cons as well as what to expect? My wife and I are beginning counseling next week (business travel this week) in an effort to save our marriage. My emotions are all over the place right now. Sad because of what we’re going through, excited to start this journey together, but also nervous about what the possible outcome could be. We have some friend who did marriage counseling and actually quit because they said it wasn’t helping their marriage, only making it worse. Years later they are still married, very happily, with a wonderful three year old son.


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## MidwestDave (Jun 18, 2009)

waynenewton said:


> I am just curious if anybody on here has, or knows anybody who has, gone through marriage counseling. Can you please give me both the pros and cons as well as what to expect? My wife and I are beginning counseling next week (business travel this week) in an effort to save our marriage. My emotions are all over the place right now. Sad because of what we’re going through, excited to start this journey together, but also nervous about what the possible outcome could be. We have some friend who did marriage counseling and actually quit because they said it wasn’t helping their marriage, only making it worse. Years later they are still married, very happily, with a wonderful three year old son.


All depends on the counselor. One problem I have is that a COUPLE'S counselor has an inherent conflict of interest built into the deal, he/she is trying to counsel both of you, when sometimes ONE of you is the bigger problem.

My wife used the counselor to "prove me flawed" and when that didn't work she stopped going. I continued seeing the counselor but since she is serving both of us she really could not do either much good (in this case).

It's like a lawyer can't represent both parties in a divorce it is a conflict of interest.

If you could afford it do both - therapist for you, couples counselor for both of you.


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

My experience was just like Midwest Dave's. My wife agreed to go to counseling because she thought it was a good way for TWO women to slap me around for an hour each week (and for me to pay for the pleasure of doing so).

But after a few sessions, the marriage counselor started pointing out issues with my wife and at that point, the marriage counselor became "a waste of time" and "didn't know a thing about marriages" according to my wife.

If both parties are willing to put all their issues on the table, accept fault for their errors and are willing to work to save the marriage it's worth the effort.

But if one holds back, if one goes in with the expectation of fixing the other without fixing themselves, it won't work.


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## savannah (Apr 4, 2008)

AGREE! My H and I went-- He was totally unaccepting when points about him were given, and didn't really grasp the point of bringing out issues, only made him angry and resentful.. 

But my H is not good with that only becasue he isn't one to want to wait another week for the next session to find a solution- If you aren't an absorbing type of person who is open to analization- its hard to go to counseling. Its not an immediate fix, it a process.


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## hoag (Mar 7, 2012)

My W and I did the marriage counselor thing, and I find it easier to express my feelings than she does. So after a few sessions, I felt it was a gang up on me. My marriage had problems -- I had an emotional affair that my wife became aware of. No where did the counselor put any blame on my wife for our situation. I signed up for the Marriage Fitness -- I got a lot out of that, but my wife looked at it and does not agree with most of Mort Fertel's ideas.


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## the gifted (Aug 31, 2011)

Why do not expect yourself to be a marriage counselor of not only yourself when you need one but you need to be for yourself especially when you do not have to


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