# Confused



## June35 (Jun 1, 2021)

My marriage has been on the rocks since I got married.Its just that at the beginning I was naive and accepted everything easily.

I married my husband against my parents wishes.It was very hard.Meanwhile my husband didnt help me out much in convincing my parents.I should have seen the signs then.

His parents created lot of problems everytime they visit and he never stood up for me.
But when I stood up for myself against his mother he stopped talking to me for 3 days.
It's just impossible to talk to him.He makes everything seem like my fault.
He is a complete workaholic who doesn't make time ever.
He has been pressuring me to have kids and I didn't feel supported or lived enough do I refused to bring a child into this and that has BCM another issue between us.


He doesn't tell me things... doesn't share stuff with me.I don't feel like we share a life together.The feeling of emotional connect just is not there.
He never tried to end a fight.its always me who tries to smooth things over.But how many times should I do that.
I just feel there is no interest from his side.to fix anything.
It's either I keep accepting my situation as is or leave and I feel little confused because it's so hard to break a marriage.But I am unhappy and I don't know how to reason with him.
There is no communication,no acts of love,no priority in his life.I come way below work,his parents relatives etc.
Please help me find the right way.i desperately need advice.


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## June35 (Jun 1, 2021)

I just feel like I married to become a maid servant you know....clean house,manage house.....but missed out on companionship.


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## June35 (Jun 1, 2021)

June35 said:


> I just feel like I married to become a maid servant you know....clean house,manage house.....but missed out on companionship.


And I forgot to mention...he drives me to points of insanity like by saying I am source of stress for him ..
...he constantly drives me nuts and then when I loose my **** and tell him he is an asshole I get behavior lectures from him about using words like asshole etc and that he will not talk at all until I learn to talk properly.Is that how a husband is supposed to be.


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## Torninhalf (Nov 4, 2018)

June35 said:


> My marriage has been on the rocks since I got married.Its just that at the beginning I was naive and accepted everything easily.
> 
> I married my husband against my parents wishes.It was very hard.Meanwhile my husband didnt help me out much in convincing my parents.I should have seen the signs then.
> 
> ...


How long have you been married?


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## June35 (Jun 1, 2021)

We have dated each other since 2009.Married in 2016


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## June35 (Jun 1, 2021)

June35 said:


> We have dated each other since 2009.Married in 2016


It was mostly long distance in dating.


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## Torninhalf (Nov 4, 2018)

June35 said:


> It was mostly long distance in dating.


So only married 5 years? How old are you?


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## June35 (Jun 1, 2021)

I am 35


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

June35 said:


> *My marriage has been on the rocks since I got married.*


Then why in the world are you still in this relationship? what's stopping you? are you waiting until your youth is gone and you're a sad, bitter older woman to end the relationship?


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## June35 (Jun 1, 2021)

He is a Muslim and I am not and so my family was against it.His family pressured me to convert and he never said anything.It was very disappointing for me because during dating I specifically mentioned I wouldn't convert.

But like a naive fool I forced my parents to accept it and then his family started to pressure to convert and I converted BC's I felt it was too late to back out with both family somehow accepting.


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## Torninhalf (Nov 4, 2018)

June35 said:


> I am 35


It sound to me like you should go your separate ways. You have had issues since day one. How is your sex life? Do y’all connect in that area?


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## June35 (Jun 1, 2021)

Rob_1 said:


> Then why in the world are you still in this relationship? what's stopping you? are you waiting until your youth is gone and you're a sad, bitter older woman to end the relationship?


I feel scared.I am not financially stable.My job barely earns peanuts.And my parents are not in a position to help me.I don't know how to make it work.


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## Torninhalf (Nov 4, 2018)

June35 said:


> I feel scared.I am not financially stable.My job barely earns peanuts.And my parents are not in a position to help me.I don't know how to make it work.


Do you live near your parents? In the vein that you could possibly stay with them until you get on your feet?


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## June35 (Jun 1, 2021)

My parents are in India.I live in Canada and currently my job is here as well BC's of covid too travel is restricted so I can't take off for a while sadly


Torninhalf said:


> It sound to me like you should go your separate ways. You have had issues since day one. How is your sex life? Do y’all connect in that area?


I don't feel anything during sex.He seems to be fine.I have mentioned this to him BC's for me I feel emotional connect is very important and for him it's not.
I have tried to feel interested in our sex life but frankly it's been a let down...not BC's he is bad in bed but I am just not able to feel anything.It just feels nothing.and there is no intiative from his end to sort this issue at all.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

How did you support yourself before you married him? Or did you live at home and your parents supported you?


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

June35 said:


> My marriage has been on the rocks since I got married.Its just that at the beginning I was naive and accepted everything easily.
> 
> I married my husband against my parents wishes.It was very hard.Meanwhile my husband didnt help me out much in convincing my parents.I should have seen the signs then.
> 
> ...





June35 said:


> My marriage has been on the rocks since I got married.Its just that at the beginning I was naive and accepted everything easily.
> 
> I married my husband against my parents wishes.It was very hard.Meanwhile my husband didnt help me out much in convincing my parents.I should have seen the signs then.
> 
> ...


Do not have kids with this man and if you have a job, do not give it up. If you do not have a job, get one. He sounds like he has a personality disorder. 
Why did you marry him, did you not see these red flags prior to marriage?


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## June35 (Jun 1, 2021)

aine said:


> Do not have kids with this man and if you have a job, do not give it up. If you do not have a job, get one. He sounds like he has a personality disorder.
> Why did you marry him, did you not see these red flags prior to marriage?


I now realise I missed the signs before.totally my fault.I am definitely not having kids no matter what.


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## June35 (Jun 1, 2021)

Openminded said:


> How did you support yourself before you married him? Or did you live at home and your parents supported you?


Yes my parents supported me.I was struggling with finding a job so was doing temp jobs but they didn't pay well.


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## June35 (Jun 1, 2021)

Thank you all so much.Discussing my issues gave me little clarity of mind.My friends don't get my issues because they are all in happy marriage with kids.They just think I am being a complaining wife So thank you all so much for listening.I am going to seriously think how to fix my financial situation and process towards separation from him.


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## Luckylucky (Dec 11, 2020)

It’s a bad start when parents won’t accept another person’s religion - your marriage was doomed because this and you shouldn’t have married him. How very sad for your husband

My kids for example know that they are free to marry any member of any religion, and it is also their choice if they convert or not.

My husband and I are not the same religion, I was not expected to convert and I don’t think I will, but I have a great regard for his faith, and go out of my way to make his special days wonderful. And he lets me read my holy book and go off and light my candles 😁

Don’t have kids. This is a mess of your parents’ making, Listen to mum and dad and find someone of your own religion.


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