# Need to ask my ex-wife who will be watching our kids during x-mas break



## Houstondad (Jul 6, 2011)

I know. It sounds like a silly question to ask my ex-wife (who is the non-custodial parent) how she plans to take care of the kids for 11 days during the post-Xmas holidays.I know she can work at home for a few days here and there, but there's no way her work is going to let her stay home for 11 days straight. But she lied to me over the summer promising me and everyone else down here in Houston that she would not use her alcoholic cousin to watch the kids over the summer while she was at work. And she Lied to all of us. And now she wants everyone to start trusting her again. She mentioned the flight times/days the kids are going up to see her after X-mas. But no mention of anyone watching the kids while she's at work. Oh, and this cousin is now living in another state. It's confirmed. I'm just wondering what she has in mind and I feel like I have a right to know. Don't I???
So I am going to ask her. But I want to word it in the most non-threatening way as possible. Course, it may not matter how I word it, since she knows I don't trust her. But in order to get some sense of what's going on, I would prefer to handle it the best I can and avoid her going into defense mode. Any suggestions on how to word my question??


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## BigMac (Oct 29, 2012)

> So I am going to ask her. But I want to word it in the most non-threatening way as possible. Course, it may not matter how I word it, since she knows I don't trust her. But in order to get some sense of what's going on, I would prefer to handle it the best I can and avoid her going into defense mode. Any suggestions on how to word my question??


Only a professional can do that ! 

Lawyer , therapist , child care ... 

You're right , no matter what comes out of your month her perception will be not what you tend to do !

Good luck !


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

hey HD, If she is non-custodial, how did it come to be that she has the kids for 11 days? Obviously they are out of school or daycare for that period and you still have to work, so was this part of a separation agreement or just a verbal agreement you both came up with at some point prior?

And ftr, I am just heading out to speak with my ex about our Christmas plans too, we haven't really discussed it entirely... I hope she is agreeable.


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## Houstondad (Jul 6, 2011)

Lon said:


> hey HD, If she is non-custodial, how did it come to be that she has the kids for 11 days? Obviously they are out of school or daycare for that period and you still have to work, so was this part of a separation agreement or just a verbal agreement you both came up with at some point prior?
> 
> And ftr, I am just heading out to speak with my ex about our Christmas plans too, we haven't really discussed it entirely... I hope she is agreeable.


Since she lives thousands of miles away, I agreed/allowed her to see the kids more extensively during the holidays/vacation. She doesn't deserve it, but my kids do. Anyways, I am actually off on vacation since I work for the school district. But my EX doesn't. But there's nothing I can do to help because of the distance. Getting child care/nanny/sitters (or whatever we wan't to call it) is secondary to having her kids with her. She begged for so many days during X-mas vacation without thinking how she'll afford and get the proper care for the kids. Same goes for summer.


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## Eli-Zor (Nov 14, 2010)

Send her a note saying the children are looking forward to seeing her however as you are aware she is at work you want to verify what the child care arrangements are. You don't have to give any further reasons why you are asking. 

If her answers are not satisfactory let her know your children's welfare comes first and they will not be with her until she confirms that she is off work full time for that period. 

Put the question in writing and verify her response is true i.e. call er work if she says she is off. If it is a day carer, then the children don't go .


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## Houstondad (Jul 6, 2011)

I sent my EX a short, yet specific email requesting the child arrangements. All business, no emotions at all in my writing.
At first she responded that there will be someone watching the kids with all these credentials including that the person is a loving mother of 2 kids. Then she puts down the personal info & contact info and it's.....my EX. She basically said she's the one taking care of the kids. Smart ass, eh?
So I respond to please let me know if she really intends to be with the kids all those days and that would mean she is working from home every day or has taken all those days off.
Her response? "Why do you want to know?"
Frustrating. Why? Because I'm their dad. I care about them and all I ask is that we act like responsible adults that are able to communicate with each other. That's what I want and I would expect the same from her.Nothing more, nothing less. 
That was my response to her. Haven't heard back since this afternoon, but I hope she does the right thing.
I feel like she's reading in between the lines. Making assumptions and creating false and negative views of me and my intentions. No matter how I carefully choose my words, it gets all twisted and interpreted negatively.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

Hd, fun isn't it? I found out my ex's bf was staying at her place all last week when my son was there, and according to my son they stay in the same bed... I know my son likes to sneak into my bed at night sometimes (when I am fast asleep) and I asked him if he sneaks into monmmies bed and he said yeah and he crawls between them... She denies it. I also reminded her that I have rights of first refusal so if she is away from him for more than three hours I have first dibs on taking him... But I don't think she really respects what we agreed to in writing,. And there is very little I can do to stop her parenting the way she wants.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

Lon said:


> Hd, fun isn't it? I found out my ex's bf was staying at her place all last week when my son was there, and according to my son they stay in the same bed... I know my son likes to sneak into my bed at night sometimes (when I am fast asleep) and I asked him if he sneaks into monmmies bed and he said yeah and he crawls between them... She denies it. And I learned that her bf is also staying with them over christmas. I reminded her that I have rights of first refusal so if she is away from him for more than three hours I have first dibs on taking him... But I don't think she really respects what we agreed to in writing,. And there is very little I can do to stop her parenting the way she wants.


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