# My wife is about money and being materilistic



## WHENTOGIVEUP (Mar 24, 2013)

Good Afternoon,

Hello everyone. i have been married for a little over a year now. I have a wife that is very money hungry. She makes more than me, even though i make fairly a decent amount of money. What she makes in a month, I make in two months, to give you an example. 

So lately we decided to open a joint savings acct together. Prior to that, evrything is about money, money, money, and more money. Of course we all want that. But not if its gonna bring alot of arguments daily. We budget fairly.But sometimes we go over budget. Which can happen.

One time she told me, "if I lose my job, she is leaving". She said that with a serious face. I was appalled. I couldn't believe she said that. Other than that, she would buy clothes and spend about $1000.00 like its a joke. Meanwhile, I'm paying my personal bills and paying half the rent and I still get treated like I'm not doing ****. I would love to go shopping and get me some nice outfits, but my priorities comes first. Am i wrong about that? Everything with her is "keeping up with the Jones". It really sucks and I feel like she belittle's me. It hurts. Sometimes I say to myself who did I marry. 

I just feel like this relationship is going to end from financial matters. We aren't any where struggling, but she makes it seem like we are. Ooops sorry her money is struggling. We are blessed, but people don't see that. Please help.


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## Ellie5 (Mar 12, 2013)

Did you tell her that if she lost HER job, you'd leave her? Try asking her how she'd feel if the shoe was on the other foot.

Perhaps you could ask her to sit down and talk to you. Have you tried?

Is everything 50/50? 

What were to happen if she has your child? sorry that might not be relevant but it sure as hell would be vis a vis the money if she got pregnant and gave up working for a while.

I would try to nip your concerns in the bud with a conversation first - if you've already tried that, then one question is, do you share enough of the same values to continue your marriage?


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## nevergveup (Feb 18, 2013)

Well,I would think long and hard if you think you want to stay married to a person who said if you loose your job,I will leave you.
You leave someone if they are to lazy to find a job or work.

Your wife dosen't sound like marriage material.When you have kids
you usually spend lots of money on them.Your wife sounds
very me me me selfish.Be thankful you have seen the real her
early on in the marriage and don't have much time invested.

Ask yourself,do you feel secure staying married to this woman?
Good Luck


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

Her love is conditional. Are you OK with that? Did she miss the "for better for worse/for richer for poorer" part? Of course you'd try to get a new job, but if it paid less would you be made to feel less of a man? I couldn't be married to someone like that.


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## AlphaHalf (Aug 5, 2012)

This marriage is going to end in disaster. You want to walk the tight rope the rest of your life and hope no financial issues occur. She is not married out of love but of social standing and finances. Run. When the chips are down she will be the first to bail out.


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

Tell her she is very shallow but you love her regardless how deeply dissapointed you are in her character and maybe if she is wise she will let you rub off on her.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Did she show that side before marriage or just after the fact?

There are plenty of people out there who feel lots of "things" will make them happy. They don't. Not in my experience anyway.


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## brightlight (Feb 18, 2013)

You must have known this about her before you got married, no? Surely, she didn't just change into Miss Materialistic the moment you got married?

If you did then there must be other things about her that you like. You wouldn't have got married otherwise.

And the same goes for her. Presumably she knew how much money you made before you got married so she knew what she was getting into.

Finance is a big thing but it is not the only thing. If the other elements of your relationship are good then you need to tell her this money stuff is hurting you.

If it turns out that money is all she cares about, then maybe things won't work out for the pair of you.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

She just told you what she values most about you. Lose your job, she's lost all interest in you. Stands to reason, if she meets someone who earns or has substantially more wealth than you, she'll lose all interest in you as well. 
You make 1/3 of the family money but you pay 1/2 the rent. Unless she's paying 2/3 of the family's expenses, this isn't a team operation. 
Selfishness, in any form, has zero place in a marriage or in a prospective parent. Sadly, character is generally formed by age 5, so unless she has some sort of transformational nuclear accident that magically gives her super powers, it's doubtful you're going to get a lot of change out of her.


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## Sanity (Mar 7, 2011)

WHENTOGIVEUP said:


> Good Afternoon,
> 
> Hello everyone. i have been married for a little over a year now. I have a wife that is very money hungry. She makes more than me, even though i make fairly a decent amount of money. What she makes in a month, I make in two months, to give you an example.
> 
> ...


Consult an attorney and get a clear picture of your options are. Also DO NOT GET HER PREGNANT. Women like this make ****ty mothers and you will be a walking paycheck. You have been warned.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## WHENTOGIVEUP (Mar 24, 2013)

Ellie5 said:


> Did you tell her that if she lost HER job, you'd leave her? Try asking her how she'd feel if the shoe was on the other foot.
> 
> Perhaps you could ask her to sit down and talk to you. Have you tried?
> 
> ...


We are doing the 50/50, but still not working. Its funny that you mentioned pregnant. She is 4 months FML. I tried to nip it in the butt, but it doesn't seem like its working. I never really thought about sharing the same values of the marriage currently. Yes for better or worse before, now i'm waiting till the **** hits the fan. These reality shows make it ****ing worse.


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## WHENTOGIVEUP (Mar 24, 2013)

nevergveup said:


> Well,I would think long and hard if you think you want to stay married to a person who said if you loose your job,I will leave you.
> You leave someone if they are to lazy to find a job or work.
> 
> Your wife dosen't sound like marriage material.When you have kids
> ...


BTW I like your user name. I feel like giving up, but I'm a fighter. If i do, its not gonna be that easy. I already have issues with my kids mother already. I told myself, I wouldn't put myself in this position again. Not really feeling secure. I believe she wants to be married, but living like the "Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous" and we aren't in a home. But in a apt. SMH


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## WHENTOGIVEUP (Mar 24, 2013)

EnjoliWoman said:


> Her love is conditional. Are you OK with that? Did she miss the "for better for worse/for richer for poorer" part? Of course you'd try to get a new job, but if it paid less would you be made to feel less of a man? I couldn't be married to someone like that.


FIrst I wanna say, God Bless You. I read your story. Pretty bad how some people are. I think my kids mom is doing the same to me. The rich or for poorer part, I guess she did. I make good money. I make over 50k a yr. I noticed you see the truth about people in the long run.


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## WHENTOGIVEUP (Mar 24, 2013)

AlphaHalf said:


> This marriage is going to end in disaster. You want to walk the tight rope the rest of your life and hope no financial issues occur. She is not married out of love but of social standing and finances. Run. When the chips are down she will be the first to bail out.


Wow thanks for being blunt. I'm not being upset that you said that. Its always the good guys that get screwed over. But I would have been wrong if I went to another race. SMH


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## WHENTOGIVEUP (Mar 24, 2013)

dallasapple said:


> Tell her she is very shallow but you love her regardless how deeply dissapointed you are in her character and maybe if she is wise she will let you rub off on her.


Rub off on her? Can you be more specific? I don't wanna get the wrong idea.


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## WHENTOGIVEUP (Mar 24, 2013)

Openminded said:


> Did she show that side before marriage or just after the fact?
> 
> There are plenty of people out there who feel lots of "things" will make them happy. They don't. Not in my experience anyway.


No not really. She is a business woman. But home should always be home if you know what I mean.


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## WHENTOGIVEUP (Mar 24, 2013)

brightlight said:


> You must have known this about her before you got married, no? Surely, she didn't just change into Miss Materialistic the moment you got married?
> 
> If you did then there must be other things about her that you like. You wouldn't have got married otherwise.
> 
> ...


Everything else is fine. I read something the other day and it says women who make more money than their spouse, tend to be more controlling. I believe a man runs the house. But other than that, everything else is great. Its just Financies is the number one topic.


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## WHENTOGIVEUP (Mar 24, 2013)

unbelievable said:


> She just told you what she values most about you. Lose your job, she's lost all interest in you. Stands to reason, if she meets someone who earns or has substantially more wealth than you, she'll lose all interest in you as well.
> You make 1/3 of the family money but you pay 1/2 the rent. Unless she's paying 2/3 of the family's expenses, this isn't a team operation.
> Selfishness, in any form, has zero place in a marriage or in a prospective parent. Sadly, character is generally formed by age 5, so unless she has some sort of transformational nuclear accident that magically gives her super powers, it's doubtful you're going to get a lot of change out of her.


Wow u hit the spot. This is F'n Sad bro.


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## WHENTOGIVEUP (Mar 24, 2013)

Sanity said:


> Consult an attorney and get a clear picture of your options are. Also DO NOT GET HER PREGNANT. Women like this make ****ty mothers and you will be a walking paycheck. You have been warned.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Its kind of late for that. SMH


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## Enginerd (May 24, 2011)

Sorry bro, but $50K isn't good money in the USA. It's possible your view of finances needs a reality check. The good news is that you won't be paying alimony if you get divorced. Usually when the wife makes significantly more money she loses respect for her husband. She knows you can't take care of her. The balance of power is off in your relationship. I wonder if she knows that she might have to pay alimony if she leaves you.


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

WHENTOGIVEUP said:


> Rub off on her? Can you be more specific? I don't wanna get the wrong idea.


LOL!! Sorry yeah that looks kind of perverted when i re read it.

I meant you could "set an example" and maybe "teach" her what love is about.


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

Enginerd said:


> Sorry bro, but $50K isn't good money in the USA. It's possible your view of finances needs a reality check. The good news is that you won't be paying alimony if you get divorced. Usually when the wife makes significantly more money she loses respect for her husband. She knows you can't take care of her. The balance of power is off in your relationship. I wonder if she knows that she might have to pay alimony if she leaves you.


Check the averages.I think its something like 49% of Americans live right above and or at..and or below poverty level.And unless he has about 10 kids..50K is way above that.Sure its not living in a mansion vacationing in the summer house for 3 months kind of money.And it also depends on cost of living in your area.But I wouldn't say 50K is "not good money" in the "U.S.A.I guess it depends on how you define "good money".How about he makes "decent' money"?


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## Enginerd (May 24, 2011)

I don't consider average to be good. I think the differences in our opinion comes down to expectations and goals. If your making $50K per year you will not have much of a retirement, you will not be able to send your kid to college and you would not qualify for a house in a decent neigborhood. Basically, its enough to survive, but not enough to build long term wealth or secure a future for your family.


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## ColemanBooks (Mar 20, 2013)

This is not good. You sound like a totally normal guy. This does not get better. I have a good friend who is exactly the same way. Everything for her is about status and money...years and years of trying to keep up with her circle of friends that have way more money than her (they didn't seem to have an issue with whether or not she was wealthy...go figure) She has a great family. She eventually started sleeping with rich guys that would buy her stuff...clothing and jewelry...so she could fit in. Husband put a GPS on her car, busted her, she said she would stop, but didn't. Now he just turns a blind eye because he feels guilty if he leaves because of the kids. It's sad. No way to go through life. I was OK reading your post until the pregnant thing. I hope yours works out differently. CB


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## Sanity (Mar 7, 2011)

ColemanBooks said:


> This is not good. You sound like a totally normal guy. This does not get better. I have a good friend who is exactly the same way. Everything for her is about status and money...years and years of trying to keep up with her circle of friends that have way more money than her (they didn't seem to have an issue with whether or not she was wealthy...go figure) She has a great family. She eventually started sleeping with rich guys that would buy her stuff...clothing and jewelry...so she could fit in. Husband put a GPS on her car, busted her, she said she would stop, but didn't. Now he just turns a blind eye because he feels guilty if he leaves because of the kids. It's sad. No way to go through life. I was OK reading your post until the pregnant thing. I hope yours works out differently. CB



Thats terrible. I feel bad for your friend.


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## Sanity (Mar 7, 2011)

dallasapple said:


> Check the averages.I think its something like 49% of Americans live right above and or at..and or below poverty level.And unless he has about 10 kids..50K is way above that.Sure its not living in a mansion vacationing in the summer house for 3 months kind of money.And it also depends on cost of living in your area.But I wouldn't say 50K is "not good money" in the "U.S.A.I guess it depends on how you define "good money".How about he makes "decent' money"?


I've known families that survived on 50K combined income but it was a struggle so I have to agree that its not a good salary if you want to build a future and save for retirement. The cost of living has shot up exponentially regardless of what the government tells you what inflation is.


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

Enginerd said:


> I don't consider average to be good. I think the differences in our opinion comes down to expectations and goals. If your making $50K per year you will not have much of a retirement, you will not be able to send your kid to college and you would not qualify for a house in a decent neigborhood. Basically, its enough to survive, but not enough to build long term wealth or secure a future for your family.


I'll look at it this way then..I would call that a decent/significant contribution to there combined income.His income in addition to hers at the very least will help ensure they have retirement and can send kids off to college as well as his income in addition to hers will contribute in a signifcant way qualifying for a nice house in a decent neibhorhood.His contribution is not chump change IMHO.


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

Sanity said:


> I've known families that survived on 50K combined income but it was a struggle so I have to agree that its not a good salary if you want to build a future and save for retirement. The cost of living has shot up exponentially regardless of what the government tells you what inflation is.


But 50K is not the combined income.So as I said above his CONTRIBUTION to the overall combined income makes a difference in a significant way to their standard of living.If she makes 100,000 and he makes 50,000 his contribution is at a little over 30% of their combined income as well which again is a significant contribution not ice cream money.


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

Also if his money isn't "good" why is she saying she will leave him if he loses his job?Also if its about him not earning "enough' why is she comfortable spending 1,000 "like its a joke" on clothes?And if they didn't have his income could she afford that kind of spending on her own?Honestly it sounds more like she has a problem with greed rather than she is concerned about not making enough to live without a struggle and to put away for retirement.


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## DaddyLongShanks (Nov 6, 2012)

WHENTOGIVEUP said:


> FIrst I wanna say, God Bless You. I read your story. Pretty bad how some people are. I think my kids mom is doing the same to me. The rich or for poorer part, I guess she did. I make good money. I make over 50k a yr. I noticed you see the truth about people in the long run.


You guys make good money together. If she wasn't trying to keep up with the Joneses and saving more and being a bit more moderate in her appearance and dress you guys would be much better off, and you would have enough money in the bank to not worry about "if someone loses a job"...


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

DaddyLongShanks said:


> You guys make good money together. If she wasn't trying to keep up with the Joneses and saving more and being a bit more moderate in her appearance and dress you guys would be much better off, and you would have enough money in the bank to not worry about "if someone loses a job"...


exactly and that is a common problem.People make plenty of money to pay for the basics and even have "extra" AFTER saving .......but instead of saving any the more they make the more they spend until every penny is gone and sometimes even go into debt.Then sit around complaining about not enough money or that you are living from month to month and what are we gonna do it one of us loses our job????:scratchhead:

My DIL and son actually do that.They were "worried " at one point when they NEEDED to be they lived on a shoestring but somehow they managed it was a struggle though.Then when they started making MORE money and eventually enough to not "have to worry" they just spent more.Going out to eat all the time/buying clothes and expensive make up /TOO many toys for my grandson /going to concerts buying nice expensive rims etc..every month then complain that they "only have $50 in the bank to last them the next 4 days until one of them gets paid.And its always an "emergency" when an unexpected bill comes in (I have told them EXPECT the unexpected like medical or a car repair /lost income for time off of work for illness etc) and they are stressed out and panicked....or they have to wait til the last day rent is due or a car payment because they have to again "wait for a paycheck" and having to run and pay bills HOURS before they will get hit with a late fee....

they deny they have any money to save or that they overspend on non necissities.(she does actually my son admits it but says she does too and I believe him because she talks about what she buys or mentions their social life that cost money)

I finally told them to stop telling me.At one point they were a family of 3 making as much or more than my husband and I for a family of 4 with more expenses.AND I keep my grandson (and have) for 3 and 1/2 years to help them out with daycare for them to get ahead.i'm on a "break" now because my son lost his job and hes keeping him.

RANT!


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## Enginerd (May 24, 2011)

My posts here are based on the OP comments that indicated his wife didn't respect him because of how much money he made. If the wife gets sick or wants to be a SAHM she will no longer enjoy the lifestyle she has now. It's reasonable to assume she doesn't feel secure about her husbands ability to support her if her situation changes. One can successfully argue that she is being overly materialistic and over spending, but I don't think that's the issue here. I would never marry someone who's own wealth exceeded my own because the majority of women will lose respect if their man doesn't have the same means regardless of their income brackets. There is a trend now where women are becoming the main bread winners due to our service oriented PC corporate environment. Some men are simply not cut out for this type of work and can't find equivalent paying traditional "guy" jobs. In this new world the balance of power has been reversed on the financial front, but nature takes thousands of years to adapt. At some point in our evolution women's biological needs may change to the point they feel its appropriate to be the main provider and protector of the family, but for now it's totally unatural and leads to a lack of sexual desire. This is when disrespect becomes the main characteristic of the relationship and in my opinion marks the beggining of the end of the relationship. The OP thinks his wife is being overly materialistic, but I think she is just being disrespectful and is working on her internal justification to cheat or leave. Even if the husband is a total stud it usually results with the wife complaining about his ability to "be responsible" or saying " he lacks ambition". When this starts to happen the husband eventually seeks another mate because he needs validation he isn't getting at home. Of course there are exceptions, but this is a very common theme which I think applies to the OP. This dynamic may take many years to play out and I've seen many people deny its existance in their relationship, but it almost always has a negative impact on their relationship over the long run.


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## LouAnn Poovy (Mar 21, 2013)

WHENTOGIVEUP said:


> We are doing the 50/50, but still not working. Its funny that you mentioned pregnant.* She is 4 months FML. I tried to nip it in the butt, but it doesn't seem like its working.* I never really thought about sharing the same values of the marriage currently. Yes for better or worse before, now i'm waiting till the **** hits the fan. These reality shows make it ****ing worse.


:rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

I've raised a family of four on about $15K a year and close to $150K and everything in between. You can be happy and hassle-free in both places or you can be broke and miserable in both places. The trick is to live within one's means. If someone loves "stuff" their priorities are badly askew because none of that lasts. Nobody ever sees a hearse pulling a U-haul trailer. You came in this world buck naked and broke and you will make your exit without about the same. Nobody cries on their death bed, wishing they'd bought more stuff or wishing they'd put in more hours at work. I've seen a whole bunch of people die and none of them expressed interest in checking their bank balance or reading the stock report. They called out for people, usually immediate family members.


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

> I would never marry someone who's own wealth exceeded my own because the majority of women will lose respect if their man doesn't have the same means regardless of their income brackets.


If this is some hard wired "biological" need that has evolved over thousands of years then how do you explain the countries who have practiced that the woman's "wealth" is transferred to the husband and including men being PAID a dowery to marry the women?How do you explain that the VAST majority of women throughout history have worked and worked their fingers to the bone along SIDE thier men in many cases laboring in some way to support the family and to survive? SAHM is a RECENT "trend" in modern history. Even if the women didn't get "paid" but worked on farms and in the fields /making their clothing to help "produce' the families necesesities ?Or working in sweat shops or "taking in laundry" to bring home money ?Oh and by the way they were having sex because these people were also having 8 /10 /12 children sometimes until the woman finally DIED giving birth?.What about the SLAVES the MANY millions of slaves through out history that were paid NOTHING ?Are you telling me their were no women slaves or women slaves never married because they were "biological turned off " the man slave couldn't take care of her while she stayed home with the kids?Or did the women slaves just have to work less?That they didn't marry and somehow manage to love and respect their husbands?

So women for 10,000 of thousands?No wait 100,s of thousands of years were "hardwired" to only respect or have sexual interest in a man that "earned more than her" and or contributed more(labor and goods) than she did to survive and raise their offspring>?

Interesting ..didn't realize women had it so easy all those years.

What you are talking about is a recent cultural TREND not "biological" instincts.Societal conditioning that the man "earns" the woman is "taken care of" by either her "earning less" or not earning at all and her job is taking care of the kids and home.A.K.A "house wife" then later SAHM.


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

NOT to mention the WOMEN were the midwives...and they figured out medicine best they could ..So they were obstetricians /and otherwise doctors and nurses and emergency aid.They gathered food as well...and materials for fire and collected water even if that meant walking miles and miles sometimes with a baby strapped to her back and the other kids in tow to help her and to teach them. ....not to mention they were chefs(there werent a lot of take out places back then).....and seamstresses.

Nope..women are "hardwired" that the man contributes more than her or she is "turned off".


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

> At some point in our evolution women's biological needs may change to the point they feel its appropriate to be the main provider and protector of the family, but for now it's totally unatural and leads to a lack of sexual desire.


As I have pointed out.."evolution" will show that if anything its "biological" is that the man and the woman were interdependent and something happening to either one put the other(and their offspring) at RISK to not have the "same standard of living".Women were not only around to "respect the man and provide him sex".Everyone including the children had to help to provide .Whole "groups" banded together to help each other and protect "the group" called "tribes".And it appears no one lost their sexual desire unless the men were litterally just raping the women every time they got horny becasue there are now 7 billion people in the world so I think that wasnt an issue.(and still isnt).But then again maybe they had less time and energy to sit around whining about wanting more sex than they were getting and counting how many days it had been since last time and if they were "attractive enough" .They were all probably too tired to worry about that.


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## Enginerd (May 24, 2011)

Wow ! I don't see how your argument is relevant. Most women are hardwired to want to feel protected and if they don't they tend to lose interest. Whether that protection is monetary, physical or spiritual it doesn't really matter. The currency has changed over time, but its still there. There are many examples of women on this board unhappy with their unemployed or wimpy husbands and they get unbelievable support from people like you. 

Yes, women were and are treated like slaves around the world and are forced to do horrible things by awful men. In those situations women don't have a choice and they do what's necesarry to survive including having children they don't want. I was talking about women that rightlfully have choices and live in a relatively free society. Women with income have increasingly choosen to stay single.

What do you think is behind this trend?


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

Oh and I want to add.As far as "biological hard wiring"..I'm sure there is something to that (being turned off) for women if living with a man who refuses to support or protect at all just because of laziness or selfishness.Or he is greedy or gluttoness serving himself first or more than he is willing to give or even more than his share leaving others without enough.But that is a form of abandonment.Which yes would be a turn off for a woman OR a man.There are plenty of men who earn more than enough she is at home and the complaint is SHE doesn't contribute enough and HE is "turned off" of her.And or again she spends and spends too much and its a risk to not just him the whole family.He doesnt RESPECT her.

And I know women who have husbands who are out of work who can not find TRY as they might adequate work and she still loves him in fact they worry about them because of the blow to the ego .Or women who have husbands who are sick and she picks up not just the slack but is the only or by far the main provider and she again still loves and respects him.So a man making 50K a year just because its "less than" what she makes or because she wants MORE adundance is just simply a greedy and bad wife maybe even on a power trip because she is more sucessful(with earning).Not some biological "need" to be turned on .Maybe she is one of those addicted to money and power.But women are not any more biologically "wired" for that than a man.(money and power)otherwise how do you explain all the young studs these days going after very wealthy "older women?But I'm talking about people of substance .


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

> Most women are hardwired to want to feel protected and if they don't they tend to lose interest.


NOT feeling "protected" is different than being protected and still not "feeling it" because you think its "not enough protection".And I'm sorry if it takes being "insured" you can drop a thousand $'s on clothes without a 2nd thought that's BEYOND needing to "feel protected".

He never SAID she didn't feel he wasn't protecting her emotionally or spiritually either.The point is and he said it..for her its MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEY..and not MONEY for food or warmth adequate shelter etc..

If he wold NOT go to work ..or he took what he earned and squandered on himself and she was left worrying if they were going to be evicted YES that is "lack of protection"and I would say hes a deadbeat.But him not being able to 'provide for her" to the high standard of living she desires in case she wants to quit working is not LACK of him protecting her.


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

O.K you are right.I'm a woman .And in order to feel like my husband is "protecting me" I need him to figure out a way to earn a minimum of 500,000 a year (in average U.S.A) if he cant do that then I don't "feel" protected and I lose respect and I'm turned off sexually.


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

> [The currency has changed over time, but its still there. There are many examples of women on this board unhappy with their unemployed or wimpy husbands and they get unbelievable support from people like you.
> /QUOTE]
> 
> This man on this thread is not "unemployed or wimpy".He is employed but makes LESS money than her and hes being critisized for not only how much he makes but just he makes less.That is completely different than an "unemployed wimpy husband" and so he is getting my support because those two circumstances aren't the SAME>
> ...


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## Enginerd (May 24, 2011)

dallasapple said:


> O.K you are right.I'm a woman .And in order to feel like my husband is "protecting me" I need him to figure out a way to earn a minimum of 500,000 a year (in average U.S.A) if he cant do that then I don't "feel" protected and I lose respect and I'm turned off sexually.



Look I hate materialistic people and would not tolerate what this mans wife has said to him. I have left a much richer women because I realized I was just her toy. I think he needs to be realistic about his income and what it can mean to his marriage over the long run. His wife values money and he has little. She's not an altruistic person, but he pursued her for some reason. Either he didn't recognize her true character or he liked the idea of marrying a women with a little money. He's not going to change her and must accept that. Ultimately, he's responsible for that choice just like I'm responsible for choosing a wife that will never make more then $50k per year. She has other qualities I appreciate and she makes me feel needed which is very important to me. 

My need to feel needed by my wife is a deeply primal thing that drives me. I could not be in a marriage without it. Perhaps other men are wired differently, but its been my observation that well adjusted productive men share this trait regardless of societal norms. If my wife didn't need me I would absolutely lose my attraction to her over time. That is our currency and one that both of us accept. 

Are there young men who have sex with old ladies for money? All the time. Are they really attracted to these women? Never. It's about the money just like a stripper pays attention to a desperate old guy for a few bucks. The fact that rich women choose to have sex with younger men says more about our hard wired tendencies then a jigalo's motivation to go down on a 65 year old women. One is about our natural tendencies and the other about our societal structure.

Traditionally men have simutaneously protected and abused women due to their physical strength. In englightened societies abuse is illegal as it should be, but that's a relatively recent change in evolutionary terms. Men and women are fundamentally the same as they were 2000 years ago when women needed men around to protect them from other bad men. Modern men are still universally expected by women to provide for and protect their families. 

I won't hold my breath but I'll start to change my opinion when I start to seeing at least a few women proudly saying this:

"My husband is a stud SAHD. We have sex often. He's an excellent father who's taken really good care of our home for the last 20 years." 

It might last for a couple of years but eventually one of them becomes dissatisfied.


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## DaddyLongShanks (Nov 6, 2012)

dallasapple said:


> Oh and I want to add.As far as "biological hard wiring"..I'm sure there is something to that (being turned off) for women if living with a man who refuses to support or protect at all just because of laziness or selfishness.Or he is greedy or gluttoness serving himself first or more than he is willing to give or even more than his share leaving others without enough.But that is a form of abandonment.Which yes would be a turn off for a woman OR a man.There are plenty of men who earn more than enough she is at home and the complaint is SHE doesn't contribute enough and HE is "turned off" of her.And or again she spends and spends too much and its a risk to not just him the whole family.He doesnt RESPECT her.
> 
> And I know women who have husbands who are out of work who can not find TRY as they might adequate work and she still loves him in fact they worry about them because of the blow to the ego .Or women who have husbands who are sick and she picks up not just the slack but is the only or by far the main provider and she again still loves and respects him.So a man making 50K a year just because its "less than" what she makes or because she wants MORE adundance is just simply a greedy and bad wife maybe even on a power trip because she is more sucessful(with earning).Not some biological "need" to be turned on .Maybe she is one of those addicted to money and power.But women are not any more biologically "wired" for that than a man.(money and power)otherwise how do you explain all the young studs these days going after very wealthy "older women?But I'm talking about people of substance .


These young "studs" are going after what is attractive to them. They see some "fat" resources in these "older" women. They may even be very physically attractive, but I'm sure the financial status and circles she roams make her even more attractive on the scale to one of these. It's women like this too, you know?


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

What was your courtship like? How did you two split the cost of dating? Did you or she ever feel that you spent more money on your friends than on one another? 

Did you two have conversations as to how to manage finances when you two got married? Did she give any indication that she knew and accepted your level of remuneration? Does she accept that your career has a lower salary ceiling than hers and so on.......

I don't know if this will help you but it may help others who are guaging whether they are compatible with the person that they are currently dating.


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

> These young "studs" are going after what is attractive to them. They see some "fat" resources in these "older" women. They may even be very physically attractive, but I'm sure the financial status and circles she roams make her even more attractive on the scale to one of these. It's women like this too, you know?


Exactly..that why its not "female biology" to be attracted to wealth and power.Women "specifically" aren't biologically wired that way as opposed to men.That's more a particular "type" male or female.


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

> My need to feel needed by my wife is a deeply primal thing that drives me. I could not be in a marriage without it. Perhaps other men are wired differently, but its been my observation that well adjusted productive men share this trait regardless of societal norms. If my wife didn't need me I would absolutely lose my attraction to her over time. That is our currency and one that both of us accept.


And as you said "need" is beyond monetarily.This has been zeroed in on the wife "needing the man" monetarily.Which makes it a completely materialistic relationship.Which is what the OP is complaining about.Including she will LEAVE him if he loses his job making 50K a year..its SHALLOW!


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## Enginerd (May 24, 2011)

Agreed. She is shallow and materialistic but he should of known this before marriage. Billions of people are materialistic. Whole cultures are based on it. He needs to get out or buck up.


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## tennisstar (Dec 19, 2011)

50k is not that high of an income. I would think if she was materialistic, she would have married a man who earned more. Is there more to this story?

I think enginerd has a valid point. My husband earns less than half what I earn. Sometimes, I find unconsciously I don't respect him. I do love him and I am not materialistic, but I can feel my lack of respect at times. I think many women feel this way, even if they don't want to.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## elizabethdennis (Jan 16, 2013)

You're lucky you found her true colors earlier. This would be worst if our have kids to consider. Ask yourself whether you really want to spend the rest of your life with this kind of woman.


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