# Is Cheating, cheating



## Joe Boomer White (Jan 10, 2021)

So we are working through our issues, she cheated and she told me about. Working through some stuff I found out that she meet up with him 3 times and the last time, she swallowed! Does that make the cheating worse?


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

Does it matter to you? She probably did all kinds of stuff. 

Stick to the point... she cheated! That's not going to change.


Why haven't you replied to any of the posts in your first thread?


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## Joe Boomer White (Jan 10, 2021)

anchorwatch said:


> Does it matter to you? She probably did all kinds of stuff.
> 
> Stick to the point... she cheated! That's not going to change.
> 
> ...


I’m processing all this and I am trying to take in the information! What difference does it make to you?


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

Joe Boomer White said:


> I’m processing all this and I am trying to take in the information! What difference does it make to you?


You're here for answers are you not? 

Your replies are the insight to your stitch. 

That's what's the difference. 

Sent from my SM-G950U using Tapatalk


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## hinterdir (Apr 17, 2018)

Joe Boomer White said:


> So we are working through our issues, she cheated and she told me about. Working through some stuff I found out that she meet up with him 3 times and the last time, she swallowed! Does that make the cheating worse?


I can only speak for me. 
An affair....having sex with another man would be a 100% deal breaker. 100% divorce. There is no way I could ever be with her again. Yes, that detail would be horrifying. There would be no way I would even try to stay with her. You are wording this as if you are going to try and stay with her and are going to try and get over/past what physical intimacies and feelings and sensations she and him shared together. 
I cannot lend any tips or advise. 
I cannot fathom how anyone can stay with someone after this and keep them as a spouse.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Cheating is bad enough.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

My recommendation in 'weighing' the acts in terms of where you stand on reconciliation is to always to take the position of ... presume it happened. Wondering if she swallowed, did anal, talked dirty, did it in public, wore lingerie ... whatever? Presume she did. 
This is where results are going to vary. But my 2 cents is; do you have a deal breaker or not?
This is why I advocate for NOT demanding all of the details. You either believe you can invest yourself in reconciliation, and believe your partner is equally if not more so invested; or you don't. At the end of the day, sex is sex and your partner had it with someone other than you. Don't waffle or wonder about the 'what if's?'. Determine if you can and are willing to work through it, and importantly, if your partner is truly remorseful and invested in working through it as well. 

I'd argue that if you demand explicit details and your partner provides them; she's giving you what you asked for. You should know what you intend to do with that information as a result, prior to the question.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

They almost always have bigger better more adventurous sex with their cheating partner. It is pretty common to read that the betrayed partner finds out that the cheater was doing all kinds of new stuff they they never did themselves. It is very common.
The real question is why would anyone stay with a cheater to begin with ???? That’s on you...... who cares what she did with him.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

Deejo said:


> My recommendation in 'weighing' the acts in terms of where you stand on reconciliation is to always to take the position of ... presume it happened. Wondering if she swallowed, did anal, talked dirty, did it in public, wore lingerie ... whatever? Presume she did.
> This is where results are going to vary. But my 2 cents is; do you have a deal breaker or not?
> This is why I advocate for NOT demanding all of the details. You either believe you can invest yourself in reconciliation, and believe your partner is equally if not more so invested; or you don't. At the end of the day, sex is sex and your partner had it with someone other than you. Don't waffle or wonder about the 'what if's?'. Determine if you can and are willing to work through it, and importantly, if your partner is truly remorseful and invested in working through it as well.
> 
> I'd argue that if you demand explicit details and your partner provides them; she's giving you what you asked for. You should know what you intend to do with that information as a result, prior to the question.


That is by far the best explanation I have ever read in “affair details” consideration. Very well said.


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## PapaGoat27 (Feb 9, 2020)

I would presume that she did everything with him that she would do with you and if not more !!

In my opinion you should get out !! It will change you forever and you will become neurotic!


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Joe Boomer White said:


> I’m processing all this and I am trying to take in the information! What difference does it make to you?


Why are responding in a hostile manner?


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Joe Boomer White said:


> So we are working through our issues, she cheated and she told me about. Working through some stuff I found out that she meet up with him 3 times and the last time, she swallowed! Does that make the cheating worse?


It only matters, if it matters to you. There's no right or wrong answer to this question, and only you know the right answer for _you_.

I'm so sorry you're in this position. I will never understand why people do this.


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