# Falling apart from guilt... help!



## dietcoke (Sep 8, 2009)

I've been married 2.5 years to a man who would have been perfect as my best friend. He is considerate and kind, but I just do not think I love him in the way you need to love someone to have a lifelong marriage. I really wish I could be married to him forever, but I am tortured by feelings of wanting to leave him. I have tried everything... therapy, medications, vacations, and I just can't seem to get my head in this marriage. 

While we were engaged, I came very close to calling it off, but my family encouraged me not to do that. I was so scared of the backlash that would happen from calling of a marriage. Now I look back at that time and it seems like I should have called off the wedding. My current situation is much more complicated now that I'm married and we own a home. I just keep thinking that the longer I let it go on, the harder it will be. We don't have any children, but he would like them. We're both in our late 20s so it wouldn't be too late to find other people eventually. 

When I think about what my leaving him would do to him... I am devastated. What is wrong with me? I wish I could just flip a switch and be happy with him, but it is seemingly impossible. Most gals would kill for a husband like him and I am going to throw it all away. But I feel like we both DESERVE to be with someone we truly love and who loves us back the same way. 

Please help me.


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## Treadingcarefully (Sep 1, 2009)

dietcoke said:


> While we were engaged, I came very close to calling it off


Well, two questions, why did you get engaged in the first place?
Swept off your feet by the romance? Did you have a short or long engagement?
And why did you want to call it off? Was it doubts, or something specific?




dietcoke said:


> Most gals would kill for a husband like him and I am going to throw it all away. But I feel like we both DESERVE to be with someone we truly love and who loves us back the same way.
> 
> Please help me.


True. You both deserve that. What do you think is missing? Is it expectations? Is it just the honeymoon is over, or was something never there to start with.
How does he feel about you?


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## Timeforchange? (Sep 8, 2009)

If you already feel this way now, I would RUN and not walk away, before you get more enmeshed. Please do not have children. That was the mistake I made. Children do not save the marriage, and only make extricating yourself from it infinitely more complicated.

Good luck.


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## dietcoke (Sep 8, 2009)

I was swept away by love in the beginning, but I was sort of young -- only 22. We were engaged after a year of dating and then had a year and a half long engagement. During that engagement, so many plans were made and I felt a lot of pressure to go through with it. I didn't understand WHY I had doubts, because he is a good man. I just did not love him anymore the same way he loves me. I thought that would magically go away after we got married, but it has not. 
I agree that maybe I should just separate from him before we have kids. I'm 27 now, so there is still time to move on with my life and meet someone else.


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## Lost Angel (Sep 10, 2009)

Sorry Im not exactly the best to give advice, as Ive only just seperated from my husband, but not convinced whether or not to get back together or not.

But a few things that you have said kindda jump out at me............

You've said that you werent really wanting to go through with the wedding, I know what its like to have family pressure you, mine want me to work things out with mine. The fact that you can see yourself "maybe" finding someone else tho, shows that its time to move on, out of "love" for you hubby. It sounds like a bestfriend marriage to me, comfortable as friends, but with no passion. Thats like my friends marriage, but she's content with that. But if you arent Id move on before any children come along, that way there will only be more hurt from a fallout. Good luck. x


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

Are you happy with yourself?


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