# Would You Do It Again?



## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

Overall - we had a pretty good 15 year run - during our 17 year marriage.

Its not the same as wanting her back - because she's changed.

But I would do it all over again given the choice. No significant changes - except maybe ending it a year sooner.

What about you all?


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## proudwidaddy (Dec 26, 2011)

Other than the last 6 months to a year in which my wife has changed what she values (thus our impending divorce) I would DEFINITELY do it all again. I have two great children from our marriage, and we have a lot of great memories. Sad because that is all it is left are the memories.


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## Pandakiss (Oct 29, 2010)

we have our good days and our bad days. on the bad days, i wish i could go back in time, and warn myself...

on good days, i want to go back in time to warn myself about the fights and how to do it better, and not just now getting a clue.

on good days, we have a blast, and there is no one else i want to hang out with, i dont think i have ever gotten tired of his company.

on bad days, i think, who would i have married, and would [my current husband] still been my best friend??? i would still want him to hang out with me. i would still want to talk and watch movies with him.


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## frigginlost (Oct 5, 2011)

Nope.

I had a heart to heart with myself 18 years ago on whether I should stick it out with her. I did. I believed in her when everybody else did not.

Now, being divorced by her choice, I realized I made a very, very big mistake...


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## hesnothappy (Mar 5, 2011)

Yes, I would do it again. I accepted my part in the demise of our relationship even before he left. My H did not want to get married, however it was what I wanted and deserve seeing as I was doing more than my share and raising his daughter and all. He told me from the get that he did not want to get married as he was just getting out of a marriage when we met. But life happens and I had never been married and in my thinking..why should everyone get what they want bu me WTH is that....no way. So the therapist helped me to understand that he gave me all he had and when he was drowning he had to leave. It hurt like hell because I truly loved him wih everything I had and only made his life better, but in the end....I am cool with it all. He is still a jackazz for the way he did it though...Im just sayin ;o) I am not looking for love or any type of association with the male gender....my life is easy now. I do, come, go, eat, clean and it says, watch TV in bed, turn the heater on and not have anyone almost pass out, none of the little things that I compromised with. I do have a need for a good hug and a kiss...but the price is too high for me right now ;o)


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## Endgame (Nov 6, 2011)

Yes, I would do it again most definitely. When you spend 20 years of your life with someone and raise a family together, it should be a solid unit that can't be broken. But, when one needs a change and doesn't communicate successfully their feelings and needs, then you let them go. But, maybe, if your heart is not totally broken and bitterness doesn't set in, a door should always be open to their return if it was to come about. I truly love and honor my ex, even though there were some very traumatic events that took place within the last two years of our marriage. I chose to look upon those events as life learning experiences, and walk with forgiveness in my heart towards him, plus I kept the lines of communication open. God knows, life is full of ups and downs, crazy stuff happens too. If that opportunity came about to repair the brokenness, I believe a stronger relationship could become a reality.


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## raising5boyz (Nov 8, 2008)

1st marriage yes. 

2nd....NO WAY!


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## TotoWeRNotInKansasAnymore (Apr 7, 2011)

Would I do it again? Absolutely! 

My son is the greatest product of my marriage to my ex. If I had not married and had a child with him, then *our* son would not be here. My son is made from my DNA and his father’s. That’s what makes our son who he is. Would not change that for the world.


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

hesnothappy said:


> I do have a need for a good hug and a kiss...but the price is too high for me right now ;o)


I've never before in my life had "snuggling" fantasies until now!


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## allthegoodnamesaregone (Nov 18, 2011)

Except for the last year of my 24 year marriage, I figured it was as good as it got and I'd do it again. 

While there is no excuse for an affair, My wife is sick. MLC to me is a metal illness brought on by chemical and hormonal changes, the same as those that are bipolar, suffer depression or any number of other mental issues. Will I hang about and wait? it gets less likely everyday.


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## notreadytoquit (Jan 11, 2010)

nice777guy said:


> I've never before in my life had "snuggling" fantasies until now!


Virtual hug too all that need one now!


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

No. I could have saved myself a lot of heartache and years.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

Probably not. My H misrepresented himself as independent and self-assured with clearly defined needs of rock climbing, work and his Army duty, and as easy-going otherwise. He presented himself as someone who had it together. Had I known what he truly needed in the way of a relationship, I would have told him that I wasn't up for it. I could have made an honest decision about not getting involved. 

You know what's crazy? When I was much younger I dated him and was not intimately involved and decided I couldn't date him because I wanted to go to graduate school and he seemed needy and I sensed I would have to choose one thing (graduate school and my work and the rest of my life) or the other (marriage). I gave him another chance because he protested etc. and reached the same decision, and did not see him for 14 years. When we met again, on my initiative, it was for me to apologize to him for not being a great communicator and discussing my issues and fears regarding graduate school (in hindsight, I've NOW remembered that I did discuss this with him, and he made many reassurances to me about being considerate of my needs, etc. but that I wasn't very reassured, apparently...and decided I couldn't commit). But I had been in therapy and so called to apologize because of making a decision for him about what he could and couldn't handle. LOL. So what happened, while I was busy apologizing for something I never did in the first place, he was quite busy withholding information from me regarding his true needs.

To answer the question, I DID do it again. And it ended the same way, only it took longer. Older isn't necessarily wiser.


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

To have my children, yes. They are by far and away the best thing in my life and I wouldn't change a thing that led to having them.

But if you put that aside, absolutely not. He is not a bad person but it was a bad choice on my part. I understand why I made that mistake, and I understand why I tried so hard to make it work when I knew it wasn't a good choice. I don't regret it. But no way would I choose to do it again.


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## Sparkles422 (Jun 3, 2011)

yes
but knowing what I now know
no

Still confused and have had no closure. Working on closure. Not going to get from other party.


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

Sparkles422 said:


> yes
> but knowing what I now know
> no
> 
> Still confused and have had no closure. Working on closure. Not going to get from other party.


Sorry - but you sound pretty confused!

And don't wait on them to give you closure. It just doesn't work that way sometimes...


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

Sparkles422 picture closure as you putting dirt on the grave with your own shovel. Some things just need to be buried. It's a matter of not thinking like the woman that you are...but forget about the thinking and logic and terms like closure (it doesn't exist, it's a figment of societal imagination...) and think like a dog. Dig a hole, bury it, and then well, run around and sniff things and have a good long nap and roll around in the dust and grass. When you're anxious, chew on a bone. But don't go digging up the old one you buried. :-o

By the way, how is school going? Are you working as well? Your doggie is doing okay?


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## Sparkles422 (Jun 3, 2011)

bark, bark, grrrr

Just a step backward, forgiing ahead today.
School is great, I think I should be able to tackle 16 credits next semester, online courses etc...Not working (no jobs in my field-hence new career). Pup is fine, no more squeaky toys.

Thanks for the kind words.


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

Hang in there Sparkles!!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Sparkles422 (Jun 3, 2011)

niceguy: you really are.
Didn't mean to hijack your thread.


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

Sparkles422 said:


> niceguy: you really are.
> Didn't mean to hijack your thread.


Not hijacking at all...and thanks...


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## Lowlife (Nov 27, 2011)

I have asked myself the same question many times. I often wish I had ended it with my x when I really tried too before we married. 

Looking back I would do it over again for one reason only....the one thing that was worth all of the heartache, grief and headaches....the daughter that isn't even mine. I know I mention her in a lot in my posts but she is really the one person who matters and the one I love more than anything in the world. I'd be lost without her. What a gift. :angel3:

I'd just want to end things about 6 years sooner.


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## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

No. I'm slow on the uptake, proud and stubborn about some things but when I learn lessons it sets in stone and seldom make the same mistakes twice. I do not like what I have learned about people.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

ABSOLUTELY! I wish we had met sooner. My husband is the love of my life and my best friend. He's a fabulous father too!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Nice Guy,

I'd do it again in a heartbeat.

Of course, this time I'd go in as a man instead of someone looking for her to resurrect my life.

It's fascinating that now that I've found peace, it bothers her so to even deal with me.

I guess she has some things to think about.

She always said she didn't want me to get angry. Strange that it now spooks her that I don't.

She's said openly that she wouldn't be able to live with me and heal.

If she "really" wants to heal, I don't think she has another option.

It really does depend on what she wants.


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## WomanScorned (May 8, 2011)

Yes. He was my best friend. He's changed so much now I don't know him anymore. I still have to interact with him as we have kids. That is the part I hate (not the kids, the having to see him every blessed day. I suppose I'll get used to it).


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

WomanScorned said:


> Yes. He was my best friend. He's changed so much now I don't know him anymore. I still have to interact with him as we have kids. That is the part I hate (not the kids, the having to see him every blessed day. I suppose I'll get used to it).


We do OK on a day to day basis. But this sounds similar to how I feel.

Hard to believe how different she became in these last 3 years or so.


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

Freak On a Leash said:


> I love my two kids like nothing else but there's NO WAY I would marry my husband again. Ever. I guess it's a good thing I can't go back because then my kids wouldn't exist. To this day I consider my anniversary a day of mourning.
> 
> My daughter asked me this same question and it was hard to answer truthfully but I just couldn't lie about it.


No need to lie if that's how you feel. You DO have your kids - and they are a blessing.

No need to tell anyone otherwise...


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