# Want to go back in time :(



## IfIwasYourVampire (Jan 5, 2012)

Aggghhhh. I miss my wife so much, she moved out this past monday (when to live with her sister for now), she ended the relationship 'cause she fell in love with OM and now she wants to have a "real" relationship (you can read my other posts if you wanna know the details)... I'm so devastated, i cant sleep for more than 4-5hrs, i try to keep myself busy, i go to group therapy, trying to do the 180, but still is so hard no to think about her every second, it hurts to think that she doesnt love me anymore, that she is in love with somebody else...
I know she is not coming back.... But i still have (false) hope... I miss her smile, that smile that was just for me when she said "i love you".... I wish i could go back in time and make things right, (i was never the romantic type, never knew how to express my love). I'm just venting here 'cause i know some of you know my pain, nobody else does, even my wife thinks is not a big deal, that i'm just exagerating.... . Dont you wish you could go back in time and do things right???
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## canguy66 (Dec 18, 2011)

I feel for you and yes, part of me does want to go back in time. But that's living in what-if land, and that will not help you move forward. Although to my knowledge my wife has left the marriage alone and not to be with someone else, I feel your loss, your longing for better times, her smile, her laugh, her smell... man, I know... *I know* what you mean.

There are many things I would love to go back in change, but thinking of that is just torturing myself - same goes for you. It's done. Doing the 180 and moving forward is all we have since we can't make the other person love us.

Right now, for people in our shoes, it's about hanging on for the ride. Or, as I put it to a friend last night, getting through this is like a plane landing... lots of touching ground, bouncing up in the air, until there are less bounces until you're grounded again. At least that's what my past few weeks have felt like. Slow progress, but hanging in there. You have to do the same.


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

i think we all do at some point.
i know i do, but things just are what they are.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Sorry for your heartbreak.
File for divorce and be done. She has chosen to be with another man so let her go.
Go out, call up old friends, visit your family, take a trip and buy a new shirt. Keep busy. Time and no contact are the only way to heal a broken heart.


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## IfIwasYourVampire (Jan 5, 2012)

I do try to stay busy, i really do, is just so hard believe it, i didnt give up on the marriage until she decided to move out.... Like the song "snuff" by slipknot says :"it took the death of hope to let you go..." 
10 years.... Right now i envy all the couples that i see when i go to places like the mall or wal mart.... , they look so happy, smiling, holding hands, hugging, kissing.... And me??? I'm all alone crying, my wife??? She is very happy and in love...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Married in VA (Jan 6, 2012)

Don't think that she is happily in love. Not sure how long the affair has been going on but it may be too early for "love" to set in. The problem with affairs is that they are all fantasy. Reality will set in sometime soon and she will realize that he burps, farts, has smelly armpits, doesn't pick up his laundry, and his poop stinks. Once reality sets in, your wife has your relationship to compare her current one to. It's not always pretty. Hang in there.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

This is all part of the grieving process. Is there someone you can talk to? Friend, relative, therapist? Sometimes journaling/writing how you feel helps a lot and is therapeutic.


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## Janie (Apr 10, 2010)

IfIwasYourVampire said:


> .... And me??? I'm all alone crying, _Posted via Mobile Device_


I was in your hell very recently, but I can assure you it does get better. I'm at nearly 3 months and I didn't ever dream I would survive it. I still cry every day, but it's not the same heartbreak it was in the beginning. The pain is still here, but not as devastating. 

I don't think there's any way around it - only through it. One day at a time. The time WILL start going by. Even if you suffer from insomnia like I did - one day felt like ETERNITY - and yet now it's almost 3 months. And I can smile and breathe again. 

Do not torture yourself wondering if your wife is blissfully happy. What you DO know is that whatever flaws developed that caused the affair and her leaving are going with her into this new relationship. It is unlikely it will succeed.

So the only thing you can do is survive this, strive to understand and better yourself and plan for a better future. The past is past - that's where it needs to stay. Look forward only. If you keep looking, eventually the black clouds will begin to clear and some light will shine through. 

Begin taking pictures of something that made you smile each day. Focus on gratitude rather than regret.


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## Why Not Be Happy? (Apr 16, 2010)

Nice post Janie.


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## rumple9 (Jan 13, 2012)

I'm going through exactly the same thingn as OP. Sleepness nights and eternal days too, unfortunately we canot wind back the clock - we all make mistakes and as my OH said the otherday I will learn from waht i've done wrong and my next relationship will be better - thing is i don't want a relationship with anyone else


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## justabovewater (Jun 26, 2011)

I feel the same as you rumple9. Though I feel my heart is slowly closing to my H, I still can't see myself with anyone else. It can be down right heartbreaking to think about, but I just don't want to be with anyone else...ever, but I don't want to be alone either.


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## canguy66 (Dec 18, 2011)

justabovewater said:


> I feel the same as you rumple9. Though I feel my heart is slowly closing to my H, I still can't see myself with anyone else. It can be down right heartbreaking to think about, but I just don't want to be with anyone else...ever, but I don't want to be alone either.


I know the feeling, but this too shall pass. Life is for the living at least once you feel like living again. That day will come.


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## Lone Star (Feb 2, 2012)

I'm dealing with a similiar situation. It's been 6 months, some days I do well but other days not so much. I hate this rollercoaster but I'm learning to accept that this all part of the process. I have friends and they help me a lot but it just seems the nightmare is never going to end.


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