# Erectile dysfunction



## struggling55 (Jan 16, 2013)

Anyone else have a H with erectile dysfunction? How does it affect you? Mine takes meds, but things are different anyway. We don't communicate well about sex - guess. Never have. I would like things that he's not prepared to do, he was prepared to f&&k prostitutes though - dealing with the infidelity is another complication. Not liking my life much at the moment.


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## kimd (Oct 12, 2013)

Are you saying he does have sex with prostitutes. Does he admit to you that he can keep it up with them?


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## askari (Jun 21, 2012)

Struggling - How old is your husband? Does he have diabetes?

Obviously there are the usual reasons like diabetes, prostate removal, physical injury etc that can cause ED. But then there is also the emotional side.
You said that you have never really talked about sex....I'm kinda guessing that it might be the elephant in the room than no one talks about?

I'm also wondering if his ED is 'caused' by emotional problems...these could be a whole bucket full of stuff. He might be aware that he can't get it up as often or as hard as before and if having a tough time dealing with it - vicious circle.
Maybe, sorry, if might that you no longer do it for him??

As I have got older, 49, my intested in sex in general has waned and because I have spent 20+ years with a, basically, asexual wife, I find it very difficult to get hard on the odd occasion (like once a month) that she wants it.

I hope you and your husband manage to sort things out...as I know what living in a sexless marriage can be like. Good luck.


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

what medications is he on? i took over a gram of verapamil for a couple years, and it destroyed my ability to "keep it up".

crappy side affects of the meds. finding better alternative treatments for cluster headaches solved that problem for me.


by the way, if you are in a sexless marriage and it is because of something that neither of you can do anything about, do everything together. one day, do things you love, next, do what your spouse loves. that is what kept me and my wife together when both she and i wanted to have sex, but i could not perform. 
she took care of herself, and we spent as much enjoyable time together as we could, as friends. 

come to think of it, i guess thats when we started looking at our marriage as a relationship of "friends with benefits". 



almost forgot, whats the prostitute story? if its possible he can keep it up with them, then he probably can overcome whatever medications he is on. that definitely needs to be addressed.

i applaud you for trying to rectify your marriage despite infidelity.
not many choose to try, and for good reason.


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## usmarriedguy (Dec 9, 2013)

Some people are just not talkers, 
As a 52 year old male with diabetes and minor ED issues who uses meds I would definitely say they only enhance the sex and make me want to do it more. But I have an HD mind with a body that is not keeping up. 

It seems kind of odd that he would want a prostitute when he has an opportunity at home. What would be the reason for that?


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## ClimbingTheWalls (Feb 16, 2013)

My husband has ED.

He takes Viagra. Yes, it takes the spontaneity away, but at least it works. 

He is also LD but is OK about fooling around with me even if he does not feel like PIV sex. Suits me fine.

However, we are in the process of rebuilding our relationship after a very long barren period, so both of us are making the effort and are talking about things.

This time last year if you had asked the question I would have said that I was delighted not to have any action with him because the resentments were too high. I wanted nothing to do with him and was on the verge of leaving. I was desperate for sex, but absolutely not with him. So, I think you need to resolve your other relationship issues before worrying too much about the sex, to be honest. Or at least work on them at the same time as the sex.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

When my H was first diagnosed, I kid you not, his doctor suggested he go to a hooker! This is aparently and old "wives" tale handed down. The meaninglessness of sex with a hooker will allow a man to relax, not be so anxious and tense, worrying if he will get an erection or keep an erection. I had my husband change doctors after he told me that peice of "medical advice."

Not excusing what your H did, but this may have been something suggested to him by well meaning idiots and something that I think can be worked out with openness and better communication. Because unless you live in Vegas or Reno...have you seen your local hookers? They are scary looking women! I trust you've insisted he get a full work up for all STIs? Of course if your H has a habit of seeing hookers, I suggest you two separate while he attends therapy to gain insight into his Madonna/Jezebel conflict he has with women!

My H has had ED for years and has taken Viagara and Cialis. The med that works the best is Cialis daily.

The Cialis works best for us because he takes a low dose every day, 5mg, allowing him a moderation of confidence that he will get and maintain an erection. Sometimes he skips a few days and if he knows his wife is getting extra randy he will take 15-20 mg which will then give him the effects for 36 hours. They market Cialis as a long lasting drug at full dose, 20mg, supposed to last 36 hours.


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