# Past loves...



## ku1980rose (Sep 7, 2010)

Ever find yourself thinking about a past love and wishing things had gone differently? I guess that's probably a stupid question, but it's on my mind tonight.

I was engaged in college. We were only a few months away from the wedding and we backed out. It was supposed to be a mutual decision, but then he turned around later saying it wasn't his decision. I always felt that I was smart for admitting that we were making a mistake. Mostly, we were too young. Or I was. I don't know. I've felt at peace with my decision mostly for years. Wouldn't be where I am now if I had done things differently. Wouldn't have the same career. Love my career.

But, then I wonder. Why didn't I do things differently? What would my life be like now if I had? He married not long after and now has 2 beautiful boys. I'm 31, marriage on the rocks, and have no children. Strange how things change in such a short time.

Not that I'd ever go back, or could, but sometimes makes me sad for what might have been.

Just wanted to share my thoughts tonight.


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## SockPuppet (May 16, 2011)

If we open a quarrel between the past and the present, we shall find that we have lost the future.


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

Well... I believe that things happen for a reason. Maybe you just don't see the reason right now (as is often the case in the low times). Be determined to brighten your future, in whatever way you think is healthy for YOU. 

"Coulda, woulda, shoulda" ends up getting you nowhere!


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## ku1980rose (Sep 7, 2010)

SockPuppet said:


> If we open a quarrel between the past and the present, we shall find that we have lost the future.


Great quote!

I agree and most of the time am very happy with my choices. 

And, it is low times that I find myself dreaming of what could've been.

But I know that I'm not the only one out there that sometimes indulges in this fantasy.


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

Sometimes I do catch myself thinking about my past loves, and wonder where they are, what they're doing now.

And, I shudder to think where I'd be now if we'd stayed together.


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## Rob774 (Sep 27, 2010)

I didn't love anyone in college, like the way i love my wife. But the closest thing to it, had a chance for us to be a serious couple. She balked... that was 15 years ago. Since then, i've been married, 3 kids etc. She lives 2 states away now, and doesn't have a BF. We keep in contact, and about 7 years ago, she regrets that things went differently between us. She says she's happy for me, but the child i have ( only 1 at the time) should of been hers. 

It sucks to see her lonely in love,but things happen for a reason, and it would kill me not to have eventually had kids with my wife. The book on your life is far from complete.


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## ku1980rose (Sep 7, 2010)

Rob774 said:


> I didn't love anyone in college, like the way i love my wife. But the closest thing to it, had a chance for us to be a serious couple. She balked... that was 15 years ago. Since then, i've been married, 3 kids etc. She lives 2 states away now, and doesn't have a BF. We keep in contact, and about 7 years ago, she regrets that things went differently between us. She says she's happy for me, but the child i have ( only 1 at the time) should of been hers.
> 
> It sucks to see her lonely in love,but things happen for a reason, and it would kill me not to have eventually had kids with my wife. The book on your life is far from complete.


I think if I was a mother, that would help me be more satisfied with my current situation. Except I wouldn't want them to be involved in this crap right now.


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## ku1980rose (Sep 7, 2010)

F-102 said:


> Sometimes I do catch myself thinking about my past loves, and wonder where they are, what they're doing now.
> 
> And, I shudder to think where I'd be now if we'd stayed together.


This is exactly my thoughts. Just reassuring sometimes to know others do the same thing.

I also think it was going to not be good if we married. That's why I didn't marry him. But, sometimes I catch myself dreaming of the life we had wanted together.


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## sigma1299 (May 26, 2011)

Personally I find contemplating the past is about the most unproductive thing a person can do. You can't change it and we make the decisions we make when we make them for a reason that often eludes us when we revisit those decisions years down the road. Ironic considering that I ended up having an EA with an old GF who looked me up on FB after 22 years. 

I do think that contemplating the past and wondering "what if" can indicate that there is something missing in that persons current situation. Whatever it is that might be missing it won't get solved in the past. Life is a one way train.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

If I was with past loves, I'd be divorced many times now. Eeesh....no thanks.


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## WifeOrMother? (Nov 6, 2011)

I left my first husband for my old college flame. Fast forward a dozen years . . . I am married to him. After all those years, he hadn't changed one bit. He was the same sweet boy I remembered . . . and now I'm supporting the "boy" that never grew up. 

Don't make the mistake of only painting a positive picture of your possible life with the old love. That person from your past could also tuen out to be worse than your current situation.

Take it from me, the past isn't always as perfect as we remember.


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

sigma1299 said:


> Personally I find contemplating the past is about the most unproductive thing a person can do. You can't change it and we make the decisions we make when we make them for a reason that often eludes us when we revisit those decisions years down the road. Ironic considering that I ended up having an EA with an old GF who looked me up on FB after 22 years.
> 
> I do think that contemplating the past and wondering "what if" can indicate that there is something missing in that persons current situation. Whatever it is that might be missing it won't get solved in the past. Life is a one way train.


Contemplating one's past can lead to refraining from repeating mistakes and destructive patterns.

I beat myself up over allowing this fool to mistreat me. He was cruel and callous; my husband is %1000 times better, but I am haunted by the ghost of a horrible ex. I cannot forgive myself for letting him treat me like crap.


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## sigma1299 (May 26, 2011)

I guess I draw a difference between contemplating and learning from. I would never give up the lessons I have learned, most of them even if I had the opportunity to relive them and not have the "learning experience" again. I guess to me the difference is wishing, however minutely, that you could trade the present, for a now unknown future with the past (does that even make sense??).

I try very hard to learn from my mistakes but I spend very little time wishing I could relive past decisions, good or bad.


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## PEGGYSUE73 (Sep 12, 2017)

ku1980rose said:


> Ever find yourself thinking about a past love and wishing things had gone differently? I guess that's probably a stupid question, but it's on my mind tonight.
> 
> I was engaged in college. We were only a few months away from the wedding and we backed out. It was supposed to be a mutual decision, but then he turned around later saying it wasn't his decision. I always felt that I was smart for admitting that we were making a mistake. Mostly, we were too young. Or I was. I don't know. I've felt at peace with my decision mostly for years. Wouldn't be where I am now if I had done things differently. Wouldn't have the same career. Love my career.
> 
> ...


I was in that situation at one time in my pAST.iFELL DEE[LY IN LOVE AT JUST 17.HE WAS 2YRS YOUNGER wE DATED 5 MTHS TTHEN HIS FATHER GO TRANSFEERRED TO MISSISSPI HE WAS IN THE AIR FORCE.i MISSED HIM TERRIBLY WE WROTE TO EAH OTHER FOR 2YRS. THEN THE LETTERS STOP COMING.I WAS 21 FOUR YRS WENTBY HE WROTE ME A LETTER OUT OF THEBLUE TOLD ME HE WAS PAYING A VISIT BACK HOME WANTED TO SEE ME.HE SHOWED UP A WEEK BEFORE HIS BIRTHDAY(JULY23)wE TALKED TOOK A RIDE OUT TO A PARK I FELT AS IF I STILL LOVED HIM.WE WENT OUT TO EAT THEN HE TOK ME HOME.FEW Days later he came ovwr tosaygoodbye he then AKED ME TO GO WITH HIM AND sked me to marry him.I was scared I then tld him I was seeing somebody.he just cried held me and wished me good wishes.a few days went by I showed my mother the letter he wrote me. she asked me if I still loved him I said yes she then told me to write him back and except his proposL.i DID FEW WEEKS WENT BUY I THEN GOT A LETTER FROM HIM HE TOLD ME HE GOT MARRIED ON THE REBOUND.MY HEART WAS BROKEN I CRIED FOR DAYS AND I KNEW DEEP DOWN I WOULD NEVER SE HIM AGAIN.iM 62 YRS OLD and as I'm telling this story my eyes are filled with tears.I think of him often.He was my first love Ill never forget him.I really wish I could see him again.I have a child from a previous relationship.Hes 34 yrsold.He was a good boyfriend.Ive been propsed to few times through the yrs It just didn't feel right to except them.I only exepted that one prosALmIACHELS.i THINK HE WOULD OF BEEN A GOOD HUSBANDI wonder if he thinks of me at times.I always wondered why God kept us apart.I don't see my self having a man in my life.Ive been alone along time.Just thought Id share that story.I hope this sys about first loves its to have loved than never to have loved at all.thanks for listening.


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

After my 20 year marriage ended I happened upon my high school girlfriend on Facebook and said hello and eventually made plans to get together. She is now a beautiful 50 year old woman who is dumb as a stone, her life has been one train wreck after another caused by what appeared to be her bad decisions. Wow did I ever dodge a bullet! I think we spent so much time enjoying each other physically we must not have talked very much, not sure how else I could have been so blind to her lack of intelligence and common sense.


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## rockon (May 18, 2016)

Serious zombie thread folks.


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## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

Cooper said:


> After my 20 year marriage ended I happened upon my high school girlfriend on Facebook and said hello and eventually made plans to get together. She is now a beautiful 50 year old woman who is dumb as a stone, her life has been one train wreck after another caused by what appeared to be her bad decisions. Wow did I ever dodge a bullet! I think we spent so much time enjoying each other physically we must not have talked very much, not sure how else I could have been so blind to her lack of intelligence and common sense.


When you were young and dumb, you were young and dumb. Some people grow older but still remain dumb. Like you said, you dodged a bullet.
My friend had a similar experience. He dated a woman in college and ran into her years later. In college he always thought she was "all that" smart, funny, good looking. Turns out years later she hasn't grown much and he decided not to engage with her after a brief encounter. He said the same thing, "he dodged a bullet"


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