# Fast guy



## Jim1971 (Jan 5, 2015)

My wife and I were at friends last night having drinks ( a couple we get together with every 3 weeks or so). A few other people were there mingling, Our friend T, myself and my wife were talking away and the subject of sex came up. She said every time she gets it, it only lasts 5 seconds, my wife agreed and said I know what that is like. I was shocked, I have always had premature issues and have tried almost every trick out there to make it better. I mentioned what was said today and I said was completely embarrassed by what was said, but she just blew it off and said she didn’t think it was a big deal. How do I deal with this, what is the next move?


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

The next move is:
1 be thankful your wife loves you and wants you
2 please her in every way you know how
3 see a dr and see what can be done. 

can you spank the monkey before sex and last longer? What have you tried to last longer?
How badly do you want to please your wife?

Don’t fret too much over this. She wouldn’t have likely said it if she was truly thinking it was that big of a problem for her.


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

Ouch


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Jim1971 said:


> My wife and I were at friends last night having drinks ( a couple we get together with every 3 weeks or so). A few other people were there mingling, Our friend T, myself and my wife were talking away and the subject of sex came up. She said every time she gets it, it only lasts 5 seconds, my wife agreed and said I know what that is like. I was shocked, I have always had premature issues and have tried almost every trick out there to make it better. I mentioned what was said today and I said was completely embarrassed by what was said, but she just blew it off and said she didn’t think it was a big deal. How do I deal with this, what is the next move?


Marriage counseling immediately.

She disrespected you publicly and hit you where you are vulnerable.

She then blew off your concerns when you tried to talk to her about it.

I would be furious and honestly be falling out of love with her.

Would she like you to hit her below the belt in front of friends?

BTW, there is help for your situation. Have you explored getting some therapy?


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## Jim1971 (Jan 5, 2015)

Evinrude58 said:


> The next move is:
> 1 be thankful your wife loves you and wants you
> 2 please her in every way you know how
> 3 see a dr and see what can be done.
> ...


I have used desensitizing creams, rings, lexapro and others ssri’s. The meds did not work so well,lexapro did help somewhat but also caused lack of sensation too. As far tugging before the main event, that doesn’t help matters either. It seems like all of my energy is in my groin area when ever we “play”.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Jim1971 said:


> I have used desensitizing creams, rings, lexapro and others ssri’s. The meds did not work so well,lexapro did help somewhat but also caused lack of sensation too. As far tugging before the main event, that doesn’t help matters either. It seems like all of my energy is in my groin area when ever we “play”.


It's usually a mental issue.

Your wife's attitude is what is the most alarming however.


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

ConanHub said:


> It's usually a mental issue.
> 
> Your wife's attitude is what is the most alarming however.


Pure disrespect


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Jim1971 said:


> My wife and I were at friends last night having drinks ( a couple we get together with every 3 weeks or so). A few other people were there mingling, Our friend T, myself and my wife were talking away and the subject of sex came up. She said every time she gets it, it only lasts 5 seconds, my wife agreed and said I know what that is like. I was shocked, I have always had premature issues and have tried almost every trick out there to make it better. I mentioned what was said today and I said was completely embarrassed by what was said, but she just blew it off and said she didn’t think it was a big deal. How do I deal with this, what is the next move?


I don't understand why you were shocked, when it is the reality that you and your wife face together. Sure you can't help it, yet it doesn't change the fact that you ejaculate prematurely. So I don't see why your wife should treat this situation differently.

As to dealing with it, I think you would do well to get over yourself, and be grateful that your wife continues to share sex with you.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

I think she was just chit-chatting and going along like you do when you're only half paying attention, but anyway, it was insensitive. You have now told her it made you feel bad and embarrassed you. You should mention it again when you're both sober and not having any disagreements and just let her know that you are very sensitive about it and please not to share that ever again.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Personal said:


> I don't understand why you were shocked, when it is the reality that you and your wife face together. Sure you can't help it, yet it doesn't change the fact that you ejaculate prematurely. So I don't see why your wife should treat this situation differently.
> 
> As to dealing with it, I think you would do well to get over yourself, and be grateful that fact she continues to share sex with you at all.


Flat wrong dude and way to put someone down for something they can't help but have tried to work on.

Unless he gave her permission to talk about their intimacy with others, she was way out of line.

So @Jim1971 , is it understood between your wife and yourself that either of you can talk openly about your bedroom details?


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## bobsmith (Oct 15, 2012)

LMFAO! She threw you under the bus, then said, "it's no big deal". SOOO full of shi&! Next time the guys are around, ask them if they know how to make your wife tighter. See, women seem to think this BS is somehow OK. It isn't! Women act like their issues are personal, yet men are fair game. 

I am the opposite where I can go for as long as......... but sometimes I just wear out. 

Here is the deal. Women have an issue, squirt some lube on it. Men have an issue, ain't nuthin happ'n....


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

bobsmith said:


> LMFAO! She threw you under the bus, then said, "it's no big deal". SOOO full of shi&! Next time the guys are around, ask them if they know how to make your wife tighter. See, women seem to think this BS is somehow OK. It isn't! Women act like their issues are personal, yet men are fair game.
> 
> I am the opposite where I can go for as long as......... but sometimes I just wear out.
> 
> Here is the deal. Women have an issue, squirt some lube on it. Men have an issue, ain't nuthin happ'n....


Not women. Mrs. C would not act like a cow.

OP's wife is like this but not women.😉


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

ConanHub said:


> Flat wrong dude and way to put someone down for something they can't help but have tried to work on.
> 
> Unless he gave her permission to talk about their intimacy with others, she was way out of line.
> 
> So @Jim1971 , is it understood between your wife and yourself that either of you can talk openly about your bedroom details?


His wife is an autonomous individual and not actually his property, so she can say what she likes. Of which she was being honest, which is far better than pretending that her sex life is amazing when it isn't.

Of which that sucks for him, and it sucks for her as well. Yet they're still together, so she obviously looks past that, which is something plenty of women wouldn't do. So he ought to appreciate that.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Personal said:


> His wife is an autonomous individual and not actually his property, so she can say what she likes. Of which she was being honest, which is far better than pretending that her sex life is amazing when it isn't.


That's lame. Sex and intimacy are agreed upon. You have boundaries the same as any so don't act like you don't.

My wife doesn't get to spout off to others about our sex life and many have the same boundaries.

I'm still waiting to hear back from OP but from his reaction, I can almost guarantee they do not have an agreement to talk openly about their sex problems.

Nowhere did anyone infer she had to pretend anything. That's a straw man.

When Mrs. C and I had our brief problem caused by church ladies, I didn't expose her in public because I wasn't getting satisfied. That would have been boorish, belligerent and extremely damaging.

A few years ago, after a life altering accident, I developed psychological ED. It probably would have sped us toward divorce if she would have been a big enough idiot to talk openly at a party about it and we definitely wouldn't be together if I confronted her and she told me to pound sand.

We weren't pretending everything was alright in those situations. We also weren't having diarrhea of the mouth in public about it.


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

ConanHub said:


> That's lame. Sex and intimacy are agreed upon. You have boundaries the same as any so don't act like you don't.
> 
> My wife doesn't get to spout off to others about our sex life and many have the same boundaries.
> 
> ...


Again, its a simple lack of respect on her part


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## red oak (Oct 26, 2018)

Think of the most boring sport you can while enjoying each other. 😁
Another thing might help is talking to her during intercourse. Might take some focus from between your loins. 
Need to discuss with her what should remain between the 2 of you, and what respect is.


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## red oak (Oct 26, 2018)

Personal said:


> His wife is an autonomous individual and not actually his property, so she can say what she likes. Of which she was being honest, which is far better than pretending that her sex life is amazing when it isn't.
> 
> Of which that sucks for him, and it sucks for her as well. Yet they're still together, so she obviously looks past that, which is something plenty of women wouldn't do. So he ought to appreciate that.


Based on that logic it would be alright if a man popped off that his wife was kind of large down there, and made it hard for him to feel enough to orgasm; as long as he’s being honest then??


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## bobsmith (Oct 15, 2012)

Personal said:


> His wife is an autonomous individual and not actually his property, so she can say what she likes. Of which she was being honest, which is far better than pretending that her sex life is amazing when it isn't.
> 
> Of which that sucks for him, and it sucks for her as well. *Yet they're still together, so she obviously looks past that, which is something plenty of women wouldn't do. So he ought to appreciate that.*


So off base. She very obviously is NOT looking 'past that', as she felt the need to fill up her social boat at her husband's expense. Nope, could not disagree more. Many here circulate around this idiotic fact that "she/he is ok with it". Right......until the cheating and divorce action happens. That is just the normal coarse today. This right HERE is exactly what divorces are built on. Find a problem, then get on the internet and find your 'replacement'. Takes no time at all!

Can no one else see the issue? Imagine the guys are chatting and one dude is like, "man, my wife is so dry".... Other dude is like, "yeah, mine too, like leather usually". A woman would have a complete meltdown, but throw those guys in the mud. 

ANY woman disrespects me in public with her friends, family, or anyone, I am GONE!!!!!!!


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## FloridaGuy1 (Nov 4, 2019)

OP I guess your wife doesn't fear you will share any of her secrets in public? Maybe you should?


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

FloridaGuy1 said:


> OP I guess your wife doesn't fear you will share any of her secrets in public? Maybe you should?


Best advice yet


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

ConanHub said:


> That's lame. Sex and intimacy are agreed upon. You have boundaries the same as any so don't act like you don't.


The thing about boundaries, is they are things that you have. As in you don't actually control what the other person thinks or chooses to do.

Of course you don't have to accept what they choose to do, yet that doesn't change the fact it is entirely up to them to choose what they do , as is the same for you in what you choose to do.

Of which my wife is free to choose to do whatever she pleases, since she isn't my property. And she is certainly welcome to say whatever she likes to people as am I. Not that it is up to me to police her.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

red oak said:


> Based on that logic it would be alright if a man popped off that his wife was kind of large down there, and made it hard for him to feel enough to orgasm; as long as he’s being honest then??


If he likes.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

DownByTheRiver said:


> I think she was just chit-chatting and going along like you do when you're only half paying attention, but anyway, it was insensitive. You have now told her it made you feel bad and embarrassed you. You should mention it again when you're both sober and not having any disagreements and just let her know that you are very sensitive about it and please not to share that ever again.


I suspect the same. I wasn’t there, so I can’t speak to tone or facial expression, but while I can concede it was careless on her part I’m not ready to assume it was spite. The simplest answer is usually the correct one, and I think thoughtlessness is the simpler answer. IMO, I don’t know the wife and I wasn’t there.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Damn. 😳😲😬

Pretty disrespectful.

Also, Kegel exercises might help you.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Were we to flip the script and make the conversationalists male, and one declared his wife had 'pancake tits' and the OP in this case said, "Oh yeah, same here." it would most certainly not be labeled as 'chit-chat'. Were he to subsequently dismiss the fact that it was mortifying and hurtful, I'd say we'd have a level playing field. Even were the declaration factual.

What I don't disagree with is that fact that people blurt out stupid sh!t like this, all of the time, without considering the impact or consequence for their partner.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

What she did was hurtful and wrong. But I think the drinks had something to do with it.
OP getting needlessly fired up isn’t going to charge much. I’ll bet his wife feels terrible after he told her he was bothered by it.

What he needs is a little help in figuring out how to go longer for both their benefit.

OP, I think it’s totally cool if you to make all the effort you have made to please your wife. I respect that you are doing your best to be a good husband.


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## red oak (Oct 26, 2018)

Personal said:


> If he likes.


I was raised with manners.
Either one of those would be considered emotionally abusive.
Are you one of those who would force an elderly 80 year old who can barely walk or stand so your 9 year old can take up 2 seats? 
No difference. It’s about respect.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

red oak said:


> I was raised with manners.
> Either one of those would be considered emotionally abusive.
> 
> She may be her own person but when someone goes into emotionally abusive territory they loose the right to say what they please.


Emotionally abusive… 🤣🤣🤣🤣

All I can say is I’m so glad I’m not so sensitive and insecure that I have no sense of proportion, and turn everything into a catastrophe.


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## bobsmith (Oct 15, 2012)

I think some people try to play off stuff with 'drinks'. In most cases, drinks actually inhibit the ability to fab up lies, and people just end up telling the truth. I have been caught in this trap many times. 

Being a drinker and around drinking commonly, I know I am not off on my assessment. I will tell you, with 3 separate women, all at drinking events, some sort of BS was brought up about "small penis", and I was but a fly on the wall listening, and all of them basically said, "uh, I can't say I can complain about my arrangement at all". 

Basically I know that I am bigger, but I was listening to any whisper of insult. NONE! 

IMO, if they are willing to go down that road at ALL, there is something.


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## red oak (Oct 26, 2018)

Personal said:


> Emotionally abusive… 🤣🤣🤣🤣
> 
> All I can say is I’m so glad I’m not so sensitive and insecure that I have no sense of proportion, and turn everything into a catastrophe.


Gotcha. You weren’t taught politeness. Or you’re from the North East?
Not about being sensitive. It’s the old code of respect which apparently you weren’t taught. 
Joking around is fine. You just didn’t step over the line into personal denigration, and no wife, or husband should say something that’s Insulting to their spouse.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Deejo said:


> Were we to flip the script and make the conversationalists male, and one declared his wife had 'pancake tits' and the OP in this case said, "Oh yeah, same here." it would most certainly not be labeled as 'chit-chat'. Were he to subsequently dismiss the fact that it was mortifying and hurtful, I'd say we'd have a level playing field. Even were the declaration factual.


I guess it depends on who you know and where you live. Since in my experience of such banter going both ways, and it just isn’t a big deal at all.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

red oak said:


> Gotcha. You weren’t taught politeness. Or you’re from the North East?
> Not about being sensitive. It’s the old code of respect which apparently you weren’t taught.
> Joking around is fine. You just didn’t step over the line into personal denigration, and no wife, or husband should say something that’s Insulting to their spouse.


North East 🤣🤣. There’s more places than America.

Of which I’m British, so I most certainly was raised politely.

That said also being Australian I’m not uber sensitive, because I would be eaten alive if I were. Since irreverent banter is how most Australian men and women roll.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Sometimes people say silly things after a few drinks, when they lose their inhibitions. She probably didn't mean it. As others have said, be grateful you have a loving wife and you are still having sex...


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Personal said:


> His wife is an autonomous individual and not actually his property, so she can say what she likes. Of which she was being honest, which is far better than pretending that her sex life is amazing when it isn't.
> 
> Of which that sucks for him, and it sucks for her as well. Yet they're still together, so she obviously looks past that, which is something plenty of women wouldn't do. So he ought to appreciate that.


I think many women do look past their men having ED issues but it appears many egos are up in arms on this page. Unfortunately, when women are going through their issues (e.g. hormonal, menopause etc) I don't see the same level of compassion on this site. 
Nonetheless, OP's wife was careless and subsequently dismissive in the treatment of her husband's feelings, remember we ladies often forget that in general men have very fragile egos and more so when it comes to a matter of their manhood , so if you care for him at all, you must tread carefully.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Sbrown said:


> I've said this before, next time you guys are intimate, ram in her ass, and when she complains say "don't worry this won't take long." Accidental disrespect is a mistake, we apologize for our mistakes.


So in your opinion if a woman says something that a man doesn't like, you think it's perfectly dandy for that man to actually physically sexually assault that woman "ram in her ass" to set her straight.

That is just sick, and the fact that your statement has even got a like is also appalling.

With all of the vitriol that I have seen posited on this discussion, I am not surprised that many men here have had miserable marital relationships.


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)




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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

Jim1971 said:


> I mentioned what was said today and I said was completely embarrassed by what was said, but she just blew it off and said she didn’t think it was a big deal. How do I deal with this, what is the next move?


Not sure what value your wife thought was added to respond as she did to the "friend" who threw her husband under the bus. Usually this problem is best worked cooperatively By a couple between themselves. The old book "Happy Hooker" described some techniques the female could use to increase the male's staying power. “Joy of Sex” also has some methods to deal with “hair trigger”.

Your wife was extremely disrespectful of your marriage discussing private issues in public. Most people would just not respond, or change the subject. What could a public discussion of marital issues accomplish?

When you mentioned to her being embarrassed at having a private problem aired in public, she blew it off as being "no big deal". So she disparages what bothered YOU. Obviously the problem is a HUGE issue for your wife, understandably so. You don't mention how long your problem has existed, but it wouldn't take long for it to become a major problem for both of you. That is why her frustration spilled out at first opportunity. Who knows who else she has aired problems in the bedroom with. Hopefully you aren't the "talk of the town". Her byching to the public isn't going to make anything better. In fact, she may have just added psychological ED to the list of issues she has with you.

Is it time for some *facilitated* counseling by someone with expertise in sexual issues? Because it sounds like these are reaching a critical mass. I know nothing about "sex" counselors, and generally take a jaundiced view of counseling in general. Maybe others can chime in with advice about this.


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

It was ****ty of your wife to embarrass you like that. If it was a one off comment I guess you live with it and move one. If she regularly disparrages you in public it's time for serious marriage work.

Tell her you'll make up for the short duration by increasing the quantity. Three minutes of sex ten times a day equals thirty minutes, that should be enough to make her happy.


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## Noman (Oct 17, 2014)

I'm curious if the "other man" knows he got kicked in the [email protected]


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## Sfort (Sep 28, 2019)

I'm not so sure that you should be very upset about the comment. Sometimes when people get into comfortable or familiar situations, their lips get looser. I'm the world's worst for saying things that are probably better left unsaid. What is curious about my problem, though, is quite often after having said the wrong thing, it turns out to be a beneficial comment. People wiser than me have said, "Some things just need to be said." Take what your wife said as a cue that there is a problem that you need to fix. Fix it. Next time she talks too much, she'll say, "Well, that's not my problem. My husband is a sex machine. Be careful what you wish for. <smile>" 








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## joannacroc (Dec 17, 2014)

That's messed up. If she blurted it out without thinking it is at the very least extremely thoughtless. If she has been letting it stew and did it intentionally to hurt you, that is really worrisome. I would not be ok with my partner discussing whatever deficiencies I had in bed casually with buddies at brunch like it was no big deal. That is really hurtful. I'm not saying your wife should be blind to it. Maybe you could see a counselor together or sex therapist? But I would set the hard limit with your wife about what you find to be really hurtful and damaging to the relationship. Make clear what your boundaries are and what the consequences would be if she does something this disrespectful again.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Jim1971 said:


> My wife and I were at friends last night having drinks ( a couple we get together with every 3 weeks or so). A few other people were there mingling, Our friend T, myself and my wife were talking away and the subject of sex came up. She said every time she gets it, it only lasts 5 seconds, my wife agreed and said I know what that is like. I was shocked, I have always had premature issues and have tried almost every trick out there to make it better. I mentioned what was said today and I said was completely embarrassed by what was said, but she just blew it off and said she didn’t think it was a big deal. How do I deal with this, what is the next move?


Hey @Jim1971 , it looks like you have been dealing with this issue for quite a while and have been coming here for help for years.

I'm sorry you haven't been able to find a solution.

I haven't reviewed all of your posts but have you and your wife ever tried the therapy angle?


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

Personal said:


> His wife is an autonomous individual and not actually his property, so she can say what she likes. Of which she was being honest, which is far better than pretending that her sex life is amazing when it isn't.
> 
> Of which that sucks for him, and it sucks for her as well. Yet they're still together, so she obviously looks past that, which is something plenty of women wouldn't do. So he ought to appreciate that.


That's BS. You don't share details of you intimate life with others without your spouse's permission. It is just disrespectful. It wasn't even in a way that helps the situation. It may have actually made it worse. It isn't something a loving and respectful spouse would say I front of you and friends.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

bobsmith said:


> LMFAO! She threw you under the bus, then said, "it's no big deal". SOOO full of shi&! Next time the guys are around, ask them if they know how to make your wife tighter. See, women seem to think this BS is somehow OK. It isn't! Women act like their issues are personal, yet men are fair game.
> 
> I am the opposite where I can go for as long as......... but sometimes I just wear out.
> 
> Here is the deal. Women have an issue, squirt some lube on it. Men have an issue, ain't nuthin happ'n....


Come on now. No decent woman would EVER be that mean and cruel. It's highly personal and should never be talked about like that to others.


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

Sbrown said:


> I've said this before, next time you guys are intimate, ram in her ass, and when she complains say "don't worry this won't take long." Accidental disrespect is a mistake, we apologize for our mistakes.


Sexual assault is not ok. And if you've said it before this means you somehow think this is funny enough to be repeated.

Sad..... And scary. I hope you are not married


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

Anastasia6 said:


> Sexual assault is not ok. And if you've said it before this means you somehow think this is funny enough to be repeated.
> 
> Sad..... And scary. I hope you are not married


It’s pretty appalling that is ok on here.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

TexasMom1216 said:


> It’s pretty appalling that is ok on here.


IMHO, it's not ok. The way it was stated, it's put forward as doing something to her that will hurt her and that she would not agree to have done to her. We call that rape.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Evinrude58 said:


> What she did was hurtful and wrong. But I think the drinks had something to do with it.
> OP getting needlessly fired up isn’t going to charge much. I’ll bet his wife feels terrible after he told her he was bothered by it.
> 
> What he needs is a little help in figuring out how to go longer for both their benefit.
> ...


She didn't seem to feel terrible from her reaction when he talked to her about it.


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## so_sweet (10 mo ago)

Sbrown said:


> I've said this before, next time you guys are intimate, ram in her ass, and when she complains say "don't worry this won't take long." Accidental disrespect is a mistake, we apologize for our mistakes.


If that happened to me, I'd pull a Lorena Bobbitt on him faster than it ever took his one-minute man ass to ejaculate. 

Oh, I'm just joking. Pretty funny, huh?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Sbrown said:


> I've said this before, next time you guys are intimate, ram in her ass, and when she complains say "don't worry this won't take long." Accidental disrespect is a mistake, we apologize for our mistakes.





so_sweet said:


> If that happened to me, I'd pull a Lorena Bobbitt on him faster than it ever took his one-minute man ass to ejaculate.
> 
> Oh, I'm just joking. Pretty funny, huh?


Yep, I'm with you on this.
.

ETA: Notice "I've said this before", really? So this is a standard reaction?


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Under the circumstances? 
Yes.

I think we'll button this train wreck up. 
Thread closed.


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