# How do you feel if your husband gave your his ex's engagement ring?



## chantiq72 (Apr 1, 2011)

Hi everyone.

I'm 39, husband 42. We've been married for 3 years. 
My husband was engage to his ex, but they was never married. They were together for 6-7 years on and off, and they have a girl, now is 13 y/0. 

6 months after we got married, I found out that my engagement ring is actually my husband's ex ring. I wasn't really know until my SD told me that the ring that I wear is sort of like her mom's ring. Then, I start digging. I found the receipt of the ring that was purchase in 1997 (time when they're engage), but I couldn't find any receipt from my ring, which I assume was purchased in 2007 (time when we're engaged). 
I confront my husband, but he denied that my ring is his ex's ring. He said, he traded up his ex's ring and bought me a new one. Then he said, if I want, I can just trade that ring with a new one, but he never offer himself to do it until now.

I never trade the ring, but instead, I return it to him, and it still in his drawer. It still bugging me until now, but he seems forget about it. 

If I ask the forum here, I know what is the answer from the ladies will be, but I still want to know how do you feel if it's happen with you. I want to know what do you think I should do in this matter? How should I feel about this? Please note, that my husband is a very cheap man. 

Thank you for reading.


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## BigToe (Jun 2, 2011)

Assuming he did what you suspect, I think it was inappropriate. Not finding a receipt for your ring does not necessarily indicate that he didn't purchase you a different ring. Why don't you ask his ex?


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## chantiq72 (Apr 1, 2011)

BigToe said:


> Assuming he did what you suspect, I think it was inappropriate. Not finding a receipt for your ring does not necessarily indicate that he didn't purchase you a different ring. Why don't you ask his ex?


We never comunicatte with each othr. In fact, I never speak with her at all, and so does my husband. They hate each other. She come to our house to drop off her daughter, and pick her up the next day. Never get out from the car. 
Something that I forgot to mention, I found a picture of my SD being held by her mom with the same ring. Although her face is only partially shown. Note: my SD have an album of her picture when she was a baby. But I think my husband has taken off all her pic with her mom in there, except that picture because her face is only partially shown. She was holding her daughter up to her face, if you know what I meant.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

I'd be pretty upset that my husband was so thoughtless. I want him to care about me and be happy to put the time and effort into buying me something that he thinks I will like. That would just be awful.


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## WhiteRabbit (May 11, 2011)

It would make me sick to my stomach the thought of wearing someone else's failed promise. 

No thanks. He needs to fix this issue like yesterday.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Personally, I wouldn't like that at all. 

If he lied about it, that sucks. If he is being sincere about having upgraded/gotten a new ring, then that is different.

Either way, how do YOU feel about it? Cause really, that is the only thing that matters (not how we feel).

Talk to him.


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## chantiq72 (Apr 1, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> Personally, I wouldn't like that at all.
> 
> If he lied about it, that sucks. If he is being sincere about having upgraded/gotten a new ring, then that is different.
> 
> ...


I did talk to him, and I have explain his answer in my posting above. In fact, I just bring it up again yesterday after I post my question here, and his answer is still the same. He ask me to buy another ring if I don't like the first ring using his credit card. (not because that ring is his ex's). I was tempting to buy the most expensive ring just to teach him a lesson, but it just doesn't feel right. If we did buy another ring, I want him to pick it himself. 
This issue was happened 2,5 years ago. I was upset and really gave him a hard time but he didn't seem notice, even after I returned that ring to him. Then, I got tired myself, and didn't talk about it. It just came up again when I stumble around that ring a week ago. Looks like I haven't really get over it. 
To be honest, I don't know what I should do or feel. That's why I post this story to get opinion, especially from man point of view. I really don't understand what is in his mind. My husband stick to his story, and still not get me a new one. Like I said, he is a cheap man. Spending another thousand $ engagement ring is not on his list. 
I really don't know...


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## SeekingHope (Jul 12, 2011)

I think it's weird that he let you give it back and now it's sitting in a drawer. To me, that says he did lie, and putting the ring away is his way of keeping the issue "out of sight and out of mind".

I too would NOT like to wear a ring that H had previously given to another woman. Mine traded in a ring he purchased years earlier for an ex-fiance in order to buy mine. Although I saw the hideous, gaudy thing he bought her and know for certain mine is not the same or even made from any of the stones. LOL. No lie, that ring was Tack-E!

All that being said, if it's not a deal breaker for you, you're not going to leave him over this... then just grab the ring, head to a reputable jeweler and see what you can trade it for without spending anything additional. Seems silly to go without over it though, unless you just don't want one now, then that's an option too.

Good luck!


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

You need to figure out how to resolve this cause you say you've been upset about it for 2.5 years now.


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## conerned (Jul 18, 2011)

It's not important how anyone else feels. A ring is important, and it signifies an emotional bond. As the ring once represented an emotional bond between him and another woman, it's very understandable that it would be a little difficult for it to truly represent that same connection between the two of you.

My advice is to take it to a jeweler, have them melt it down and make a new ring out of the gold. Keep the diamond, but make the ring different. For example, if it's all yellow gold, have them replace the top piece with white gold to hold the diamond. Or change the number of posts from 4 to 6, etc.

In other words, make the ring yours. Have it 'reforged' so to speak.


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## 4sure (Aug 8, 2010)

Jellybeans said:


> You need to figure out how to resolve this cause you say you've been upset about it for 2.5 years now.


She has figured out a way to resolve it, her H has done nothing but sit on his butt wanting her to do it all. It's not the material ring, it's her H actions. He gave her a hand-me-down wedding ring.

She wants him to trade the ring, and get her another one. Him to put it on her finger. She hasn't stated this, but an apology would be nice. Don't think she will get it after 2.5 years. You can pick your own ring out, get the biggest one, but the hurt feelings will still be there for you. He messed up, but won't make it right.

This is a good example why women have resentment towards the H. She tells him how to correct it, and he refuses. She is deeply crushed, and he looks the other way.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

4sure said:


> She has figured out a way to resolve it, her H has done nothing but sit on his butt wanting her to do it all.


Then the problem isn't resolved.



4sure said:


> This is a good example why women have resentment towards the H. She tells him how to correct it, and he refuses. She is deeply crushed, and he looks the other way.


Agreed. OP needs to figure out how she will deal with this if he refuses to meet her needs and especially if his refusal to hear her out/listen to her spills into other areas of their married life.


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## Mrs.Saucy (Jul 21, 2011)

It's all about intention. If he just gave you the exact same ring for the sake of saving money, that hurts. She was worth a ring, but you weren't? If he had the diamond extracted and put on a new setting, that's the least he should do. Hopefully he did trade it in and got something different. My ex-bf gave me a promise ring in his ex's birthstone. That just felt SO wrong. Eek.


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## chantiq72 (Apr 1, 2011)

4sure said:


> She has figured out a way to resolve it, her H has done nothing but sit on his butt wanting her to do it all. It's not the material ring, it's her H actions. He gave her a hand-me-down wedding ring.
> 
> She wants him to trade the ring, and get her another one. Him to put it on her finger. She hasn't stated this, but an apology would be nice. Don't think she will get it after 2.5 years. You can pick your own ring out, get the biggest one, but the hurt feelings will still be there for you. He messed up, but won't make it right.
> 
> This is a good example why women have resentment towards the H. She tells him how to correct it, and he refuses. She is deeply crushed, and he looks the other way.


Hi, I think you have answer my question. That's exactly how I feel and what is happening. Didn't solve the problem, but definitly gets me. I can finally say "That's it!"
Thank you.


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