# Is it your job to make your SO orgasm?



## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

Lets say you and your SO are having intercourse and she is having trouble achieving orgasm. Do you feel the need to make her orgasm before you do? Or do you say you gave it your best shot and sometimes it doesn’t and won’t happen and finish and be done. 

My question is... if you orgasmed during PIV sex before she could, do you think you should make her orgasm orally/digitally after? 

I would like to know what men feel is their obligation to making their women orgasm, or if they even have one.


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

It depends on alot of things, but as a lover l want my so to enjoy as much as l, and sometimes it is just for her and not me. So to answer yes because of my affection for her it's not a horrible curse, but a joy to work at it for her.


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

Girl_power said:


> My question is... if you orgasmed during PIV sex before she could, do you think you should make her orgasm orally/digitally after?


If she wants an O, yes. I’m not going to leave her hanging, and TBH she wouldn’t put up with crap like that.

ETA: the word choice “make” wouldn’t be my first choice


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

I don't know whether good, bad, right, wrong in everybody's book but I conduct things like it is my job to get DW to O first in most cases.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> I don't know whether good, bad, right, wrong in everybody's book but I conduct things like it is my job to get DW to O first in most cases.




If she can’t first... do you try after your orgasm? Or not as much.


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## Laurentium (May 21, 2017)

CharlieParker said:


> ETA: the word choice “make” wouldn’t be my first choice


Yeah, I agree, and the word "job" isn't great either. I've heard several women say they hate to be "pressured" to have an orgasm.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

I do think this to be an obligation... or at least something I would very much like to do... love to do... want to do

My wife, on the other hand, doesn't think it's important. 

How's that for a role reversal turning stereotypes on their head?


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> I do think this to be an obligation... or at least something I would very much like to do... love to do... want to do
> 
> My wife, on the other hand, doesn't think it's important.
> 
> How's that for a role reversal turning stereotypes on their head?


I’m like this a lot of the time. I actually prefer more intercourse than an O. So my goal is usually to help him last longer.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

I think a lot of women know when an O is possible and when it isn’t. And sometimes it’s just to much work and energy and it may not be worth it at that given time. 

I keep racking my brain and thinking about it. A man uses a women’s hole (usually) to make himself orgasm. Maybe women should start using the man to make them orgasm more.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Girl_power said:


> Lets say you and your SO are having intercourse and she is having trouble achieving orgasm. Do you feel the need to make her orgasm before you do? Or do you say you gave it your best shot and sometimes it doesn’t and won’t happen and finish and be done.
> 
> My question is... if you orgasmed during PIV sex before she could, do you think you should make her orgasm orally/digitally after?
> 
> I would like to know what men feel is their obligation to making their women orgasm, or if they even have one.


I always make sure she goes first unless she specifically just wants to please me which she does sometimes.

Honestly, getting her motor running at high speed gets her up to my high rythm anyway and the intercourse is usually pretty amazing.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

Is it the mans duty to make his women orgasm or is it a women’s duty to make herself orgasm? 

Also... is it a women’s duty to make herself sexually attractive for her husband, is it a women’s duty to turn her husband on? Because I often find women doing this. Is it the responsibility of the man to turn his wife on?


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

Girl_power said:


> A man uses a women’s hole (usually) to make himself orgasm.


Guy speaking, that’s not how that works. Just sayin.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

CharlieParker said:


> Guy speaking, that’s not how that works. Just sayin.




It isn’t? There are two options... put penis in vagina, butt, or mouth and pump until you orgasm. (That’s using her hole instead of your hand). Or have the women go on top, do oral, or handjob and have her make you orgasm. ( which is putting the responsibility on the women to make you orgasm).


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

Girl_power said:


> It isn’t? There are two options... put penis in vagina, butt, or mouth and pump until you orgasm. (That’s using her hole instead of your hand). Or have the women go on top, do oral, or handjob and have her make you orgasm. ( which is putting the responsibility on the women to make you orgasm).


My wife is not a Fleshlight.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

Girl_power said:


> Is it the mans duty to make his women orgasm or is it a women’s duty to make herself orgasm?
> 
> Also... is it a women’s duty to make herself sexually attractive for her husband, is it a women’s duty to turn her husband on? Because I often find women doing this. Is it the responsibility of the man to turn his wife on?


I really don't think this has to be an either/or situation. Both should be contributing to making sex great which means both should be contributing to the Os. When the two are in sync, that's the best. Even when one side is purely in giving mode and the other is in receiving mode, the giver has to be enthusiastic and focused while the receiver needs to be relaxed and open to the experience. The receiver may also need to guide the giver a bit as well. 

Teamwork, people. And though I use the word "team_work_," it really shouldn't feel like work, but should be fun as two share the joy of exploration together.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

CharlieParker said:


> Guy speaking, that’s not how that works. Just sayin.


In fact, I _can't _do that.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

I don't consider it a "job". For me one of the best parts of sex is pleasing my partner. If there is something she wants me to do that I'm physically capable of doing, I'm in general very happy to try. So yes, if I finish first, I'm happy to do what I can to give her an O (or several).


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

My wife is *very* welcome to "use" me to get an O any time she wants. 

I honestly don't think of it as "using" the woman's hole. For me PIV is a very mutual thing, and I'm almost always doing something else to stimulate her at the same time (since she needs that to O). Ideally both finish at the same time, though of course it doesn't always work that way. We aren't shy about using a vibrator along with PIV to help finish simultaneously. 






Girl_power said:


> I think a lot of women know when an O is possible and when it isn’t. And sometimes it’s just to much work and energy and it may not be worth it at that given time.
> 
> I keep racking my brain and thinking about it. A man uses a women’s hole (usually) to make himself orgasm. Maybe women should start using the man to make them orgasm more.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

I I m not sure if this is true but it seems to me men are taught to take an active role in sex, and making sure their partner is pleased. Whereas women are taught to take a passive role, like look pretty and be available for sex, but not so much to take an active role in pleasing their partner. Or even making it a personal responsibility to have an orgasm, and find out how we have orgasm, and then be active in doing that and telling their partner what to do. 
It seems like men are trying to manage or figure out what makes their wife orgasm instead of the women taking a more active role in her own pleasure.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

uhtred said:


> My wife is *very* welcome to "use" me to get an O any time she wants.
> 
> 
> 
> I honestly don't think of it as "using" the woman's hole. For me PIV is a very mutual thing, and I'm almost always doing something else to stimulate her at the same time (since she needs that to O). Ideally both finish at the same time, though of course it doesn't always work that way. We aren't shy about using a vibrator along with PIV to help finish simultaneously.




I understand what your saying but let’s be honest if you couldn’t ever have a orgasm you wouldn’t be having sex.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

I could never use her. I couldn't get off that way. I needed her to want me, respect me and love me. I always tried to help her orgasm first. Men seem to be made to lose their drive once they have orgasmed. I've read some articles on this. I find it to be reasonable true in real life. Love can overcome and cause me to continue, but some of that animal desire is gone. It's best for me to help her get hers first. 

The only responsibility I think is hers is to somehow let me know what feels best and will help her get hers. That makes me want to continue and try harder.


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

Girl_power said:


> I I m not sure if this is true but it seems to me men are taught to take an active role in sex, and making sure their partner is pleased. Whereas women are taught to take a passive role, like look pretty and be available for sex, but not so much to take an active role in pleasing their partner. Or even making it a personal responsibility to have an orgasm, and find out how we have orgasm, and then be active in doing that and telling their partner what to do.
> It seems like men are trying to manage or figure out what makes their wife orgasm instead of the women taking a more active role in her own pleasure.


OK, now I get what your getting at. My wife is very active. I still remember the first time (that was close to 30 years ago) I came before before her, she sad that was ok, but here’s what you do and guided me. I still use that technique today. 

Whose “responsibility” is the woman’s orgasm with cunilingus? I’m basically just along to ride, she‘s leading and I’m just following subtle cues (manually it’s the same, she’s doing it).


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

CharlieParker said:


> OK, now I get what your getting at. My wife is very active. I still remember the first time (that was close to years ago) I came before before her, she sad that was ok, but here’s what you do and guided me. I still use that technique today.
> 
> 
> 
> Whose “responsibility” is the woman’s orgasm with cunilingus? I’m basically just along to ride, she‘s leading and I’m just following subtle cues (manually it’s the same, she’s doing it).




Your wife sounds awesome and very sex positive!


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

Girl_power said:


> *A man uses a women’s hole (usually) to make himself orgasm*. Maybe women should start using the man to make them orgasm more.


Note even close. If you want to put it in those terms, I use her hole to be closer to her and bond together in the act. There are times when I have not finished, and I'm ok with that because she had a number of O's and was just plain worn out. So no, I don't USE her to do anything. To me the whole point of sex is to keep our bond and closeness. The O is great, but it isn't the primary reason (for us).


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## DieCastRN (Oct 18, 2019)

Girl_power said:


> Lets say you and your SO are having intercourse and she is having trouble achieving orgasm. Do you feel the need to make her orgasm before you do? Or do you say you gave it your best shot and sometimes it doesn’t and won’t happen and finish and be done.
> 
> My question is... if you orgasmed during PIV sex before she could, do you think you should make her orgasm orally/digitally after?
> 
> I would like to know what men feel is their obligation to making their women orgasm, or if they even have one.


I couldn't imagine enjoying sex without my partner also organisming. I don't view it as an obligation, rather as an enjoyment.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

Is that the question though? I though it was was whether someone would go to the effort of giving their partner an O after they had one themselves.

That said, there have been many times I've done things to give my wife an O when she was too "tired" to do anything for me, so I didn't get one.




Girl_power said:


> I understand what your saying but let’s be honest if you couldn’t ever have a orgasm you wouldn’t be having sex.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

uhtred said:


> Is that the question though? I though it was was whether someone would go to the effort of giving their partner an O after they had one themselves.
> 
> That said, there have been many times I've done things to give my wife an O when she was too "tired" to do anything for me, so I didn't get one.


Indeed. There have been a few times when I have taken care of my wife and that was the end of it. There are times when getting a favorable response is so emotionally satisfying, I didn't feel any need for physical completion myself. 

Other times I just want her to completely relax and enjoy receiving with no concern for follow on requirements. What's more, I want her to be able to revel in the afterglow without having to worry about having to spring back up and service me.

Theres a lot of room between expecting an orgasm every time and never having an orgasm ever again. Sure, there aren't many guys who would accept the latter and there's nothing wrong with that. But that doesn't mean we demand one each and every time.


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## TheDudeLebowski (Oct 10, 2017)

Girl_power said:


> A man uses a women’s hole (usually) to make himself orgasm. Maybe women should start using the man to make them orgasm more.


Preface: this is not a statement of personal belief, this is just for a giggle because your post reminded me of this... Just for a laugh, don't kill me anyone...







As far as the OP, yes that's my job most of the time. Sometimes its just for me and we both know. Sometimes its for both, but the thing about jobs ... I mean I've been working here for 18 years. Sometimes I have a bad day at work you know?


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> Indeed. There have been a few times when I have taken care of my wife and that was the end of it. There are times when getting a favorable response is so emotionally satisfying, I didn't feel any need for physical completion myself.


That was us earlier today. I was getting “cranky” and she noticed, and even pulled out some lingerie (first time in years). We both left smiling even with just one orgasm, and it wasn’t mine.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

There is probably some truth to that. It would be good if more women were willing / able to communicate what the wanted to their partners. Its certainly frustrating to me when I ask my wife what she would like and she responds with "you know what I like". In general I sort of do, but it varies and I'd like to do what she wants *now*.




Girl_power said:


> I I m not sure if this is true but it seems to me men are taught to take an active role in sex, and making sure their partner is pleased. Whereas women are taught to take a passive role, like look pretty and be available for sex, but not so much to take an active role in pleasing their partner. Or even making it a personal responsibility to have an orgasm, and find out how we have orgasm, and then be active in doing that and telling their partner what to do.
> It seems like men are trying to manage or figure out what makes their wife orgasm instead of the women taking a more active role in her own pleasure.


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

uhtred said:


> It would be good if more women were willing / able to communicate what the wanted to their partners.


That would be great, barring that a firm “No, I don’t like that, you’re doing it wrong” is helpful, shutting down is not.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

Girl_power said:


> I I m not sure if this is true but it seems to me men are taught to take an active role in sex, and making sure their partner is pleased. Whereas women are taught to take a passive role, like look pretty and be available for sex, but not so much to take an active role in pleasing their partner. Or even making it a personal responsibility to have an orgasm, and find out how we have orgasm, and then be active in doing that and telling their partner what to do.
> It seems like men are trying to manage or figure out what makes their wife orgasm instead of the women taking a more active role in her own pleasure.


My wife, in a nutshell. It sucks.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

Girl_power said:


> I understand what your saying but let’s be honest if you couldn’t ever have a orgasm you wouldn’t be having sex.


My wife almost never orgasms, regardless of how long or how much effort. I can orgasm almost every time. Yet she would probably be willing to have sex more if I would push things, whereas I really don't want to. It's just not good for either of us, and since I'm essentially in control of it and she refuses to speak up, I elect to forego.


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## notmyjamie (Feb 5, 2019)

Speaking as a woman, it's not his job, it's his privilege. >


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Girl_power said:


> If she can’t first... do you try after your orgasm? Or not as much.


On the rare times I happen to "go first" I go with the flow of things still and make sure she finishes too. 

I'd like to think it's solely because I'm a considerate lover, caring, etc, and I am but, I'd be fibbing if I didn't say there was a little but of pride involved too.

Mix those up and I can say I'm always a "team player".

There are times when she says "we've got a minute, quick, do me hard and fast" and for those times I'm there to accommodate, she set the parameters.

❤❤❤


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## aquarius1 (May 10, 2019)

uhtred said:


> There is probably some truth to that. It would be good if more women were willing / able to communicate what the wanted to their partners. Its certainly frustrating to me when I ask my wife what she would like and she responds with "you know what I like". In general I sort of do, but it varies and I'd like to do what she wants *now*.


Plus sometimes it's hotter when she just TELLS you.


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## aquarius1 (May 10, 2019)

Girl_power said:


> I I m not sure if this is true but it seems to me men are taught to take an active role in sex, and making sure their partner is pleased. Whereas women are taught to take a passive role, like look pretty and be available for sex, but not so much to take an active role in pleasing their partner. Or even making it a personal responsibility to have an orgasm, and find out how we have orgasm, and then be active in doing that and telling their partner what to do.
> It seems like men are trying to manage or figure out what makes their wife orgasm instead of the women taking a more active role in her own pleasure.


This is a shame, but probably true more often than not. How can you be an active part in sex if you don't understand your own body, how it works? what is pleasurable for you?
I'll admit that a partner can you help you find those "secret corners" that you never knew existed, that's what makes it fun and pleasurable and can then be added to your self-knowledge. The really fun part is doing the discovering together.


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## aquarius1 (May 10, 2019)

Fozzy said:


> My wife almost never orgasms, regardless of how long or how much effort. I can orgasm almost every time. Yet she would probably be willing to have sex more if I would push things, whereas I really don't want to. It's just not good for either of us, and since I'm essentially in control of it and she refuses to speak up, I elect to forego.


If you are curious to find out more, there are several people on this forum who can give you some suggestions, reading or audiobooks.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Girl_power said:


> I I m not sure if this is true but it seems to me men are taught to take an active role in sex, and making sure their partner is pleased. Whereas women are taught to take a passive role, like look pretty and be available for sex, but not so much to take an active role in pleasing their partner. Or even making it a personal responsibility to have an orgasm, and find out how we have orgasm, and then be active in doing that and telling their partner what to do.
> It seems like men are trying to manage or figure out what makes their wife orgasm instead of the women taking a more active role in her own pleasure.


This to me has been observed to be true and from other sources, articles, talks, it is reinforced as a "truism" at least to me.

Up to points in some womens lives they start enjoying an active even aggressive role, certainly a full participant role

but

some women never ever make that turn, and continue to play the role of "I'm giving good sex just by letting him touch me all over and moving into a few positions, so I'm sure he's having a good time, while just laying there or moving into a position and staying there".

She thinks it's an honor for him to just to be able to touch her, so she's "doing her part, it's got to be great for him, just to get to see her naked is all she needs to do".

Then however it goes "is all his part, fault, responsibility" and if it's bad sex, "it's all him, I did my part by laying there".

And those women miss out greatly in having great physical relationships in an overall relationship. 

I'm surely not saying men can't be horrible lovers, or even similar happenings, but @Girl_power that was a great summary you gave.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

Girl_power said:


> I I m not sure if this is true but it seems to me men are taught to take an active role in sex, and making sure their partner is pleased. Whereas women are taught to take a passive role, like look pretty and be available for sex, but not so much to take an active role in pleasing their partner. Or even making it a personal responsibility to have an orgasm, and find out how we have orgasm, and then be active in doing that and telling their partner what to do.
> It seems like men are trying to manage or figure out what makes their wife orgasm instead of the women taking a more active role in her own pleasure.


There are a lot of "taught" concepts that wind up making for a repressed population. it's not just rethinking the lessons, but almost restructuring society that is needed to correct it. I cringe whenever someone says "the man/woman is supposed to . . . . ." usually followed by insisting on the behavior that is causing the problem.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

I think it’s a generational thing as well. Girls were taught to save themselves or be picky who they LET sleep with them. And the man has to prove himself worthy before he gets the opportunity. And it shows in the Disney movies and fairy tales we grew up watching where the princess needed to be saved, and she was usually pure and docile and the prince was the active one who knew what he was Doing and had to be put through the ringer before he won his prince which was the princess. It was always the same, pure passive women was the price and the man had to be strong and honorable and jump through hoops to win her or get respect or something.

The new generation of women are way different. Women are taking more control and being more active I believe sexually. And the fairy tales are way different, frozen, the frog princess (I can’t think of the others). They are no longer sleeping or waiting for the prince to save them.


And funny enough, I hear the new generation is having less sex than their parents did.


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

Girl_power said:


> They are no longer sleeping or waiting for the prince to save them.


I always thought my wife’s premarital promiscuity was a good thing. TAM seems to confirm that. Not sure how much it’s generational, she’s 57, or societal, she grew up outside the US.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

notmyjamie said:


> Speaking as a woman, it's not his job, it's his privilege. >


In all seriousness, you can’t “make” anybody orgasm. 

It’s an internal thing. You can help, you can facilitate, you can do all kinds of things... but I don’t think you can force it. 

This isn’t a video game where sheer skill beats the end boss. It’s a team sport where hopefully you’re on the same side. 

Everybody’s orgasms are their own problem. I’m happy to help, but at the same time I’m not going to make it my success criteria if she has one. I’m happy to work for a very long time to help her along... but if she doesn’t want one or it’s not going to happen, then I just let it go. 

Just like it’s not my job to reverse engineer her sexual response cycle with no feedback to ‘give’ her an orgasm while she lays there saying nothing. I can’t see into her soul or read her mind. If she wants something different, she’s going to have to make that known. Then, I’m happy to do that in general. But it’s her job to understand her sexuality, not mine. 

Same goes with the roles reversed I think.


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## wild jade (Jun 21, 2016)

Not a man, but I would say that, yes, he really ought to stay awake and engaged long enough for me to O too. Failure in this regard will result in him being poked.


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## Diceplayer (Oct 12, 2019)

My wife will usually have multiply Os in a session so usually, by the time I have mine, we are both done. However, there have been times when I finished and she will still be wanting, "just one more." At that point I am usually physically drained so I will perform oral on her to make sure she gets all she wants. I don't want to leave her wanting and I just enjoy serving her.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

Agreed. In particular I think the idea that sex is something women do *for* men is the root of a lot of problems. Sex should be thought of as something a couple does for each other, and if that isn't how its working, something should change (possibly the partner).

Are younger people having less sex? I hadn't heard that (or the opposite). Of curse maybe they just can't get off their phones....



Girl_power said:


> I think it’s a generational thing as well. Girls were taught to save themselves or be picky who they LET sleep with them. And the man has to prove himself worthy before he gets the opportunity. And it shows in the Disney movies and fairy tales we grew up watching where the princess needed to be saved, and she was usually pure and docile and the prince was the active one who knew what he was Doing and had to be put through the ringer before he won his prince which was the princess. It was always the same, pure passive women was the price and the man had to be strong and honorable and jump through hoops to win her or get respect or something.
> 
> The new generation of women are way different. Women are taking more control and being more active I believe sexually. And the fairy tales are way different, frozen, the frog princess (I can’t think of the others). They are no longer sleeping or waiting for the prince to save them.
> 
> ...


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

TAM is such an interesting microcosm. While I admit limited experience, I find it interesting that I dated several guys and more than 50% never really worried about my orgasm or asked if I had one or wanted one. More often than not I didn't get one. Now I did all my dating prior to 23 so my dating pool was still young men who might have gotten better with age. But on here most men say yes I offer/ give her an orgasm and my experience is very different. As in sure many women would say mileage varies.

Interestingly enough most women on TAM also seem to never or rarely refuse their men sex but in real life we know that is more frequent. 

So the self selected participants on TAM are a truly unique group.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

Anastasia6 said:


> TAM is such an interesting microcosm. While I admit limited experience, I find it interesting that I dated several guys and more than 50% never really worried about my orgasm or asked if I had one or wanted one. More often than not I didn't get one. Now I did all my dating prior to 23 so my dating pool was still young men who might have gotten better with age. But on here most men say yes I offer/ give her an orgasm and my experience is very different. As in sure many women would say mileage varies.
> 
> Interestingly enough most women on TAM also seem to never or rarely refuse their men sex but in real life we know that is more frequent.
> 
> ...


I have only been with two women my entire life, having become intimate in that fashion at the age of 19? I put a much higher priority of each woman having an orgasm than myself. That seemed like the right thing to do, and even had a self-serving aspect to it, as either one having an orgasm is the most-incredible turn-on, for me, imaginable. And still is, in terms of the "physical" side of sex. The spiritual side is another thing entirely, and that's not so much about the orgasm as it is the closeness and sharing something with that one person that you share with nobody else in the universe. Not now, not ever.


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

Anastasia6 said:


> Interestingly enough most women on TAM also seem to never or rarely refuse their men sex but in real life we know that is more frequent.


Most men on TAM rarely refuse their women too. If sex is a problem in a relationship it’s the refuser (man or woman) that doesn’t perceive the problem (other than being pestered) so wouldn’t have a reason to come to TAM. 

And when they do they often get run off, like cheaters.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Me?

Hell no.

That's Hitachi-san's job. Just can't compete with technolgy. She says I spoiled her.


From my perspective, sex is the ultimate in shared experience. I have had sexual issues throughout the entirety of my sexual career that fundamentally dictate that I focus on my partner first. Frankly, I have the converse of what you describe in your initial post. I'm the one that usually has a hard time getting off, and historically, that has frustrated a good many partners who use the ability to 'please their man' as a bell weather for their sexual desirability or performance.


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

I just want to add something about my son, which I thought was so funny and TELLING....

A few years ago, when he was about 15, and was really starting to understand about sex and women and orgasms, he used to say if he had 3 wishes from a GENIE...(Lol!)...the first one was that *he could always give any woman he was with an orgasm!!!* Lolol!!!!

The other two were stupid, like money and sports, or something like that! 

What I found telling about that was how guys must feel with a woman (in the beginning, at least!) - it is pretty easy for guys to get off, but for women it's much more complicated and MYSTERIOUS!!


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

LisaDiane said:


> I just want to add something about my son, which I thought was so funny and TELLING....
> 
> A few years ago, when he was about 15, and was really starting to understand about sex and women and orgasms, he used to say if he had 3 wishes from a GENIE...(Lol!)...the first one was that *he could always give any woman he was with an orgasm!!!* Lolol!!!!
> 
> ...


Women’s basic biological responses are easy. 

The stuff that goes on in women’s heads that overlay it is like trying to solve a Rubik’s cube being held in someone else’s hands ten miles away while you talk to them on the phone. When they’re sometimes color blind, or don’t want to look, or you don’t agree what blue is. 

If you don’t know how to communicate, it’s all going to seem like magic or the lottery that you’re somehow supposed to know how to win at.


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## Kamstel (Apr 25, 2018)

Ladies come first!!!


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Fastidious oral on her until she either climaxes, or says that it's just not going to happen!

Then, and only then, will I proceed to channeling mine!

IMHO, the purported simultaneous orgasm is little more than a physiological myth!*


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Girl_power said:


> Lets say you and your SO are having intercourse and she is having trouble achieving orgasm. Do you feel the need to make her orgasm before you do? Or do you say you gave it your best shot and sometimes it doesn’t and won’t happen and finish and be done.
> 
> My question is... if you orgasmed during PIV sex before she could, do you think you should make her orgasm orally/digitally after?
> 
> I would like to know what men feel is their obligation to making their women orgasm, or if they even have one.


I have to laugh at your thread title. Who's job would it be if I could not make my W orgasm? I do everything I can to make my W orgasm. I can only recall once she could not. Her mind was elsewhere(kids, pets, chores, etc).


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

Marduk said:


> Women’s basic biological responses are easy.


I don't really agree with THAT....while we all might have the same biological responses, what actually gets us to that response is quite varied and can be complicated!




Marduk said:


> The stuff that goes on in women’s heads that overlay it is like trying to solve a Rubik’s cube being held in someone else’s hands ten miles away while you talk to them on the phone.


And THIS made me laugh out loud, for real!!! I'm STILL giggling over it, every time I repeat it to other people!


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

I also being the type of man that I am, caveman and all is more of a ego boost for me than her. Because l am kinda controlling the moment. And that added power for myself hits my cylinder's nicely.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

One of the things I appreciate about my wife is that she enjoys an active role in my O, meaning she enjoys doing the "work" with her body motion, and she takes a lot of pride in what her body does to mine.

As to "She comes first", while it is a catchy little phrase, I think the underlying message is simply telling guys to take an active role in always making sure their partner is actually sexually satisfied. 

I had always tried to adhere to the literal "she comes first" mantra, but a few years into our relationship well after we were married, my wife and I were idly talking about our sex life one night, and she mentioned how she had noticed I always focused on her getting her O's first. She is largely one and done with her O's in the sense that while she has multiples and can have them from PIV, oral, fingers, and once she starts going, she's a freaking orgasm machine and she'll keep going for a while, but once she comes down from the O wave, she's done for the session. While she appreciated my attentiveness to her going first, she's usually exhausted when she's done, and sometimes she really wanted to go last so she could just O and crash. 

So at least in the context of our relationship and sex life, we are pretty evenly split now as to who goes first because we just don't worry about it any more. We are both going to get ours and give theirs.


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

And to tell the truth I just have fun!


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

Yeswecan said:


> I have to laugh at your thread title. Who's job would it be if I could not make my W orgasm? I do everything I can to make my W orgasm. I can only recall once she could not. Her mind was elsewhere(kids, pets, chores, etc).




Whose job is it to make you orgasm?


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Girl_power said:


> Whose job is it to make you orgasm?


That's a loaded question. LOL. It is my job(for lack of a better word) to help my W achieve an orgasm. It is my W job to help me achieve an orgasm. Your thread title made me laugh because my first thought was, "I hope it no one elses job to make my W orgasm."


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

Yeswecan said:


> That's a loaded question. LOL. It is my job(for lack of a better word) to help my W achieve an orgasm. It is my W job to help me achieve an orgasm. Your thread title made me laugh because my first thought was, "I hope it no one elses job to make my W orgasm."




My point was... is it our individual selfs that are responsible for our own orgasms.


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## Rooster2015 (Jun 12, 2015)

I know each person is responsible for their own orgasm in a sence. However I aways make sure she cums first. PIV orgasms for her is fast. I've been blessed by a women that cums quick. So maybe I'm not the best person to ask that.


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## Sawney Beane (May 1, 2011)

When I was married, my wife and I worked on the principle the we worked together to brings ourselves to orgasm. I find that now, it's my obligation to bring the woman to orgasm, and for me to get myself off while she lays there like a sack of potatoes. Bloody hell how things have changed and not for the better.


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

Sawney Beane said:


> When I was married, my wife and I worked on the principle the we worked together to brings ourselves to orgasm. I find that now, it's my obligation to bring the woman to orgasm, and for me to get myself off while she lays there like a sack of potatoes. Bloody hell how things have changed and not for the better.


You've posted about the same thing on several different threads. The problem isn't one about ALL women. Your problem is the women YOU are picking. Fix your picker.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

Something you never her of is a lubricated knee cap. It seems like the perfect thing for her to rub hard against.... control the pressure, tempo, she’s in full control. If the guy finished while she was on top it’s like a easy go to .....

I have no idea why that just popped up in my head.

And to keep myself from derailing the train ..... I will add that I do not feel responsible but it is fun to give it a good shot. We have been together so long that I can pretty much tell if there is going to be a chance via PIV right away. Outside of PIV all other methods are extremely reliable and oral is always a guarantee.


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

Mr.Married said:


> Something you never her of is a lubricated knee cap. It seems like the perfect thing for her to rub hard against.... control the pressure, tempo, she’s in full control. If the guy finished while she was on top it’s like a easy go to .....
> 
> I have no idea why that just popped up in my head.
> 
> And to keep myself from derailing the train ..... I will add that I do not feel responsible but it is fun to give it a good shot. We have been together so long that I can pretty much tell if there is going to be a chance via PIV right away. Outside of PIV all other methods are extremely reliable and oral is always a guarantee.


Wait...WHAT?? 
Is that for real, because I cannot picture what you just described...! (and I'm not sure if I want to - lol!!)


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

LisaDiane said:


> Mr.Married said:
> 
> 
> > Something you never her of is a lubricated knee cap. It seems like the perfect thing for her to rub hard against.... control the pressure, tempo, she’s in full control. If the guy finished while she was on top it’s like a easy go to .....
> ...


Your gonna have to forgive me....I’ve been at work for a month now. I go home in a few days but my mind tends to fall off the deep end during my last week. I guess I’ll have to remember to shave my kneecap before I go home.....did I just say that?


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

Mr.Married said:


> Your gonna have to forgive me....I’ve been at work for a month now. I go home in a few days but my mind tends to fall off the deep end during my last week. I guess I’ll have to remember to shave my kneecap before I go home.....did I just say that?



AAAHHHHH!!!!!!! Now I KNOW I don't want to picture this!!!! Lolol!


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## Sawney Beane (May 1, 2011)

Lila said:


> You've posted about the same thing on several different threads. The problem isn't one about ALL women. Your problem is the women YOU are picking. Fix your picker.


In my defence, I'll point out it took me a few years and some truly cringe-worthy situations before I met my wife. I think I might need a (large) number of iterations before I get it right again. I can't find a picker-calibration service anywhere near where I live (or via the internet), so it's just a matter of time.

Also, whilst the plural of anecdotes is not "evidence", a pattern is still a patterm...


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

If not my job, it BETTER had be nobody else's.... :grin2:


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## snerg (Apr 10, 2013)

Girl_power said:


> I think a lot of women know when an O is possible and when it isn’t. And sometimes it’s just to much work and energy and it may not be worth it at that given time.
> 
> I keep racking my brain and thinking about it. A man uses a women’s hole (usually) to make himself orgasm. *Maybe women should start using the man to make them orgasm more*.


I have always told the women I have been:

It's your job to train me. I am a willing and able student. 
I don't know your body. You do.
Help me help you O.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

snerg said:


> I have always told the women I have been:
> 
> 
> 
> ...




That’s how I feel about my partners too. Tell me what makes you happy so I can do it. Unfortunately a lot of people don’t not even think to ask these questions.


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

I don't think of it as my JOB to make my partner orgasm, but it IS my kink. It's actually the only kink I have. I have done a lot of kinky things with my partners, but it has always been because it really turns me on to see my partner turned on.


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

As'laDain said:


> I don't think of it as my JOB to make my partner orgasm, but it IS my kink. It's actually the only kink I have. I have done a lot of kinky things with my partners, but it has always been because it really turns me on to see my partner turned on.


If only more men who had that kink!

I don't really think of it as a kink, but that's really just semantics. 

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk


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## Hiner112 (Nov 17, 2019)

so much of this doesn't make sense to me.



> My question is... if you orgasmed during PIV sex before she could, do you think you should make her orgasm orally/digitally after?


Because I'm not selfish, I feel like I should make sure she enjoyed herself as much as I did. If I want to have sex again sometime, it is doubly important. My one sexual partner didn't orgasm often during PIV sex. I've performed cunnilingus at least as many times as I've had sex.



> I keep racking my brain and thinking about it. A man uses a women’s hole (usually) to make himself orgasm. Maybe women should start using the man to make them orgasm more.


I would expect someone I'm having sex with to try to enjoy themselves and I would try to make sure they did as well. I don't think "using" is necessarily the right word here since the experience should be mutual. 



> I m not sure if this is true but it seems to me men are taught to take an active role in sex, and making sure their partner is pleased. Whereas women are taught to take a passive role, like look pretty and be available for sex, but not so much to take an active role in pleasing their partner. Or even making it a personal responsibility to have an orgasm, and find out how we have orgasm, and then be active in doing that and telling their partner what to do.


At least in my experience pleasing men is a simpler and easier activity and as such it doesn't require as much thought or effort. My ex wife literally didn't know what an orgasm was before we were sexually active. It was never her attitude to keep me guessing whether she was enjoying herself or not though that is for sure. Sometimes the guidance I got wasn't terribly helpful ("Don't do that. Whatever you just did don't do that." for instance) but I would consider it my job to follow the guidance I got.


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