# my husband says he done he will never trust me again is it really over



## keisha1223

to say me and my husband have had a troubled marriage is an understatement. i was 25 when we married just getting out of two very bad relationships back to back. i had a child who died a few years before and honestly i looked at my life one day and didnt know how i got her married with another child with his job he traveled a lot and i was alone all alone for the first time in my life and i did alot of things to fill that void him being gone my daughters death. i knew i loved him but i convinced myself i didnt care if he stayed or if he left. I cheated a few times but the crazy part was it was never because i didnt love him. he stayed with me for years after he has only be gone 5 months and i decided it was time for me to face my demons fix me so i can love him how he deserves. he says its to late. i dont know i love him i can say out loud i want my marriage i want him when i couldnt before. he is angry real angry and hurt but is it really over. is there no fixing it because i honestly dont want to lose him. he isnt going to go to MC. i feel like he deserves more than for me to give up easy and let him just walk away fighting for us is the only way i know to show him i care. how do i make him see i have changed that i want us i want this. just unsure how to make him want it to


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## emptyinside882

keisha1223 said:


> to say me and my husband have had a troubled marriage is an understatement. i was 25 when we married just getting out of two very bad relationships back to back. i had a child who died a few years before and honestly i looked at my life one day and didnt know how i got her married with another child with his job he traveled a lot and i was alone all alone for the first time in my life and i did alot of things to fill that void him being gone my daughters death. i knew i loved him but i convinced myself i didnt care if he stayed or if he left. I cheated a few times but the crazy part was it was never because i didnt love him. he stayed with me for years after he has only be gone 5 months and i decided it was time for me to face my demons fix me so i can love him how he deserves. he says its to late. i dont know i love him i can say out loud i want my marriage i want him when i couldnt before. he is angry real angry and hurt but is it really over. is there no fixing it because i honestly dont want to lose him. he isnt going to go to MC. i feel like he deserves more than for me to give up easy and let him just walk away fighting for us is the only way i know to show him i care. how do i make him see i have changed that i want us i want this. just unsure how to make him want it to


Im sorry you are going through this. If MC is currently not an option, then IC should be. I am very sorry you lost a child, I cannot even bear to think if that happened to any of my children.
If you do not want to lose your H then any and all A must stop now. You must completely be open and honest with your H, transparent is a must. Your life is an open book. Tell him everything he wants to know, IF he wants to know.


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## EleGirl

I agree that you would benefit from individual counseling. If you are still living with your husband just be the best wife you can be. Give him time to heal.

How long has he known about your infidelities? 

Is he still traveling a lot for the job?


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## the guy

Was there any pregnecy scares fron these affairs?


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## keisha1223

emptyinside882 said:


> Im sorry you are going through this. If MC is currently not an option, then IC should be. I am very sorry you lost a child, I cannot even bear to think if that happened to any of my children.
> If you do not want to lose your H then any and all A must stop now. You must completely be open and honest with your H, transparent is a must. Your life is an open book. Tell him everything he wants to know, IF he wants to know.


I am in IC now trying to figure out how I why I willingly destroyed my marriage. I feel like the more I try and get him to understand the more pissed off he becomes
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## keisha1223

EleGirl said:


> I agree that you would benefit from individual counseling. If you are still living with your husband just be the best wife you can be. Give him time to heal.
> 
> How long has he known about your infidelities?
> 
> Is he still traveling a lot for the job?


About a year and a half it was really hard for him because it was a long affair it was more emotional that sexual but that did also happen
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## keisha1223

the guy said:


> Was there any pregnecy scares fron these affairs?


No none
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## keisha1223

EleGirl said:


> I agree that you would benefit from individual counseling. If you are still living with your husband just be the best wife you can be. Give him time to heal.
> 
> How long has he known about your infidelities?
> 
> Is he still traveling a lot for the job?


He has moved out he has been gone around 5 months now. He is so detacted and matter of fact about things that it's scary. I know he has every right to be done but I love him and want it to work
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## aug

keisha1223 said:


> He has moved out he has been gone around 5 months now. He is so detacted and matter of fact about things that it's scary. I know he has every right to be done but I love him and want it to work



He's gone 5 months and is now detached from you?

How did he find out about the cheating? Did you confess? Or, did he suspected and then you confessed?

Do you have any kids now? If so, are they his?


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## costa200

I think this thread would be better in the coping with infidelity part of the forum.



> i feel like he deserves more than for me to give up easy


What he deserves is a woman that doesn't rip his heart out without cause. Can you be that woman?


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## keisha1223

costa200 said:


> I think this thread would be better in the coping with infidelity part of the forum.
> 
> 
> 
> What he deserves is a woman that doesn't rip his heart out without cause. Can you be that woman?


Harshly put but true. Yes I can and I want to be. I love him and if I thought for one second I would cause him anymore pain after everything I have done to him I wouldn't try to get him to stay in this marriage
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## keisha1223

costa200 said:


> I think this thread would be better in the coping with infidelity part of the forum.
> 
> 
> 
> What he deserves is a woman that doesn't rip his heart out without cause. Can you be that woman?


He left and he wants a divorce I dont
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## the guy

Its hard for him, to this day he is having mind movies of some man on top of you or you kneeling in front of OM. He had selfesteem issues, he can't believe he was fooled, how you could have gotten something like this past him. Even the fact that the OM was better then him. The emotional connection that replaced him

Then comes the trust he may see how conviencing you were when you were lieing to his face. Its hard for him to see being with you now.

All these thing I mention are so painful that its easier for him to walk away...it less painful not dealing with the infedilty. In a *small* way....a very small way, he is doing what you did, he just walked away from an unhealthy marriage.

Sorry this consequences you are dealing with looks perminent. Its great you are taking the step to work on your self and hopefully in your next relationship you have learned how to affair proof it.


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## keisha1223

the guy said:


> Its hard for him, to this day he is having mind movies of some man on top of you or you kneeling in front of OM. He had selfesteem issues, he can't believe he was fooled, how you could have gotten something like this past him. Even the fact that the OM was better then him. The emotional connection that replaced him
> 
> Then comes the trust he may see how conviencing you were when you were lieing to his face. Its hard for him to see being with you now.
> 
> All these thing I mention are so painful that its easier for him to walk away...it less painful not dealing with the infedilty. In a *small* way....a very small way, he is doing what you did, he just walked away from an unhealthy marriage.
> 
> Well I'm praying that's not the case. But it feels like your right. I guess I'm hopeless hoping that he will give me another chance to show him I'm more than my mistakes. He loving me means more than I showed him threw those actions. Idk I really don't.
> 
> Sorry this consequences you are dealing with looks perminent. Its great you are taking the step to work on your self and hopefully in your next relationship you have learned how to affair proof it.


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Runs like Dog

keisha1223 said:


> I am in IC now trying to figure out how I why I willingly destroyed my marriage. I feel like the more I try and get him to understand the more pissed off he becomes
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Of course he's angry. You need to just stop trying to explain it since it comes off as a justification. You can suggest to him that even w/o marriage counseling he might benefit from talking to a professional about his anger and disappointment.

For your part you willingly destroyed your marriage for the same reason you likely destroyed the other two relationships you alluded to. Whatever those reasons are. Maybe you're addicted to chaos. Maybe you have so much inner directed hate and rage you want everything to implode in order to torture everyone around you especially you. Maybe you have mother's guilt at burying your child.


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## keisha1223

Runs like Dog said:


> Of course he's angry. You need to just stop trying to explain it since it comes off as a justification. You can suggest to him that even w/o marriage counseling he might benefit from talking to a professional about his anger and disappointment.
> 
> For your part you willingly destroyed your marriage for the same reason you likely destroyed the other two relationships you alluded to. Whatever those reasons are. Maybe you're addicted to chaos. Maybe you have so much inner directed hate and rage you want everything to implode in order to torture everyone around you especially you. Maybe you have mother's guilt at burying your child.


The other two realtionship weren't my fault I actually was the faithful and cheated on one. I did have a hard childhood and admit I have daddy issues. This is and was the only relationship I cheated in
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## keisha1223

keisha1223 said:


> The other two realtionship weren't my fault I actually was the faithful and cheated on one. I did have a hard childhood and admit I have daddy issues. This is and was the only relationship I cheated in
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## keisha1223

keisha1223 said:


> _Posted via Mobile Device_


As I said I have never been alone so there wasn't even 60 days between any of my relationships I never dealt with anything not even my child's death. Emotions weren't something encouraged in my house growing up. I think I have been always looking for something and until recently I didn't know what it was
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## moxy

keisha1223 said:


> I cheated a few times but the crazy part was it was never because i didnt love him. he stayed with me for years after he has only be gone 5 months and i decided it was time for me to face my demons fix me so i can love him how he deserves. he says its to late. i dont know i love him i can say out loud i want my marriage i want him when i couldnt before. he is angry real angry and hurt but is it really over. is there no fixing it because i honestly dont want to lose him. he isnt going to go to MC. i feel like he deserves more than for me to give up easy and let him just walk away fighting for us is the only way i know to show him i care.


Sometimes, it takes losing everything for you to understand what is truly valuable. Sometimes, it's too late to get it back. I can understand that you want him back, that you now realize that you love and want him, but you've hurt him tremendously and yet you are still only focused on what you want (him), not on what you did to the man you claim to love. You need to think a little about what you've done to him. Are you capable of being someone who doesn't hurt a person she claims to love?




keisha1223 said:


> how do i make him see i have changed that i want us i want this. just unsure how to make him want it to


Have you really changed? Or, do you just want him because you can't have him, because he's gone? 

Have you even considered the fact that what you did to him has made him no longer want you? You can want him all you want, but unless you've truly changed -- which isn't something that happens overnight or even over a short period of time like this, you're never going to convince him that you're worth another chance. You really should see a counselor to figure out why you've behaved this way, if you want to ensure you're not going to behave this way again.

You feel like you've changed, but...is it just your realization that the circumstances have changed?

I am not trying to be cruel to you, just honest. Maybe this was the wake-up call you needed in order to work on becoming a better spouse. However, if you are unable to restore his faith in you as a person, there's no way to fix this. So, focus on fixing yourself and being a person who is worthy of a second chance and, who knows?, maybe he will give you one one day. Read up a little on the CWI forum to see what it's like to be cheated on, just so you understand the damage you've caused, in case you really do want to make an effort to fix the damage.

Good Luck to you.


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## keisha1223

moxy said:


> Sometimes, it takes losing everything for you to understand what is truly valuable. Sometimes, it's too late to get it back. I can understand that you want him back, that you now realize that you love and want him, but you've hurt him tremendously and yet you are still only focused on what you want (him), not on what you did to the man you claim to love. You need to think a little about what you've done to him. Are you capable of being someone who doesn't hurt a person she claims to love?
> 
> 
> This is not a situation of I want you because you don't want me. We were together for over year after the affair. We got into a huge fight over something unrelated and he left. I sure the affair still bothers him and is a huge problem thus the trust issue. 6 months after we were married he took a job were he traveled 28 days out of a month he did that for 3 years. The year after the affair W's the first time we ever spent that much time together as a married couple and I haven't cheated on him in any form in that time. The change I speak of is not weather or not I'm capable of not having and outside relationship it's the fact that I was an angry and distance person and I didn't know why. In ways it was as if I was punishing him because he was the closing thing to me. In counseling I have realized my childhood and my daughters death were issues I still held on to. Don't get me wrong I still struggle with some of the situations that happened but I had to let go of the pain to let go of the anger. I know what I did to him and as hard as it is for him to forgive me it's just as hard for me to forgive myself! Iade a lot of selfish decisions but I'm not a selfish person. I wouldn't try to save my marriage if I felt it would only cause him pain or if that were all I could provide for him. I miss him and want him for all the small moments in our relationship no I'm not naive enough to think that all the things I did and who I was that he very well may not want me. And if that is truly how he feels I'll bear the burden of losing him because it was caused by my actions. But for now I want him to know I'm in this I love him and I want this marriage to work. I'm just trying to figure out how to do that and still respect his feelings and his process as well
> 
> Have you really changed? Or, do you just want him because you can't have him, because he's gone?
> 
> Have you even considered the fact that what you did to him has made him no longer want you? You can want him all you want, but unless you've truly changed -- which isn't something that happens overnight or even over a short period of time like this, you're never going to convince him that you're worth another chance. You really should see a counselor to figure out why you've behaved this way, if you want to ensure you're not going to behave this way again.
> 
> You feel like you've changed, but...is it just your realization that the circumstances have changed?
> 
> I am not trying to be cruel to you, just honest. Maybe this was the wake-up call you needed in order to work on becoming a better spouse. However, if you are unable to restore his faith in you as a person, there's no way to fix this. So, focus on fixing yourself and being a person who is worthy of a second chance and, who knows?, maybe he will give you one one day. Read up a little on the CWI forum to see what it's like to be cheated on, just so you understand the damage you've caused, in case you really do want to make an effort to fix the damage.
> 
> Good Luck to you.


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Shaggy

Trust is an almost impossible thing to reearn once lost. I think if he was going to give you another chance it would have come by now. Sorry, but you clearly hurt him beyond words and stole a part of his soul,

Hes decided to do what he needs to do to save himself from more heart ache. It's been nearly half a year, how long we're you cheat for? With how many men?

How did he find out?


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## Runs like Dog

keisha1223 said:


> The other two realtionship weren't my fault I actually was the faithful and cheated on one. I did have a hard childhood and admit I have daddy issues. This is and was the only relationship I cheated in
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


6 one half dozen the other. You began relationships, repeatedly which, if you examine it, you could have realized were poor matches and they were going to fail. The first two times weren't directly your fault but your being in those relationships in the first place was. Especially the second. There are many men, and women, who are freak magnets and the reason for it is they don't feel that there's any long run future in the nature of any of their relationships so either they sabotage them or they choose such ill matched pairings they'll fail anyway.


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