# Oh what a mess



## fiona (Jul 23, 2010)

First and foremost, I have not set out to slag my man, but things have definetely come to a head, or as my friend says to a foot, a foot up your.......Any how, I have been in a relationship for 13 years, married 5.5 of those./ I have two children both very cognisent of what goes on around them. My man has been diagnosed with PTSD after serving with our beloved miltiary, and had been on oxycontin for 3 of those years. The pot smoking has since become a huge issue, as he does it everyday, and in great abundance. I trult do not have an issue with that, and I understand, to each their own, i am not a user myslef, but when he forgets his "leavings", as I refer to them on the kitchen counter or table, or there are parafanilia all over the house that I have to explain to the kids. 

When he ran out of his prescription pills, he asked for money to purchase some off the street, when I said something about perhaps you have a problem, he lost it on me.

There was a turn about for a very small period, perhaps 2 months, but it seems to be going right back to that same spot. I am from a broken home myself, so it is even more of a motivator to stay together, I have left for a few days with the kids before, I surely do not want my relationship to end. Perhaps that is a deep seeded guilt thing, I don't know.

There is more to it then I am able to put down on this note, as there always is, but I just can't get over the sense of entitlement. The " I am allowed " mentality that gives him the carte blanche to do whatever with everything in our lives. and through it all I am the one who has the problem, I am the *****y one, I am asked if it has anything to do with my time of the month. I am at the end of my rope, don't want to jump off, but I feel I am more pushed then anything


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## Susan2010 (Apr 19, 2010)

You don't have to jump. You just have to put your foot down. Set some boundaries, some standards for your life, relationship, marriage. Without any, you will go for anything. Divorce not being an option is a ridiculous idea. The message you send to him is you will put up with all his crap as long as you get the chance to b*tch about it. Sooooo, that is all you are - b*tchy. Are you thinking you can yell and scream him into compliance?

Setting standards means you have to decide what you will and will not tolerate. Not tolerating means you have to leave the situation since he refuses to change or get help. Otherwise, there is no motivation for him to change and you're just sitting there taking it.....while b*tching about it and accomplishing nothing except your husband blaming it all on you. Plus, you and he both are setting awfully terrible examples for your children.

Leave and let him know you will come back AFTER he seeks counseling and kicks his habits. But you cannot just threaten. You have to stay gone if he does nothing.


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## fiona (Jul 23, 2010)

I appreciate your candor, as I need some straight talk from someone who has nothing to do with the situation. I often wish I could just turn off my emotions and do things logically. I know what needs to be done, but I am afraid. I am actually terrified to leave. I do not want to lose my children, the life that I have worked so hard on, and yes I realize that is the life that I have worked on, not us, at least not shared 50/50.

I agree about the arguing in front of the children, I am often ashamed by it, truly. As I type this out I feel so selfish for not taking the actions I know I should because I am afraid. Damn I wish I could stop crying and just stand up for myself.

Again thank you for your thoughts, they are noted.


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## CLucas976 (Jun 27, 2010)

fiona said:


> First and foremost, I have not set out to slag my man, but things have definetely come to a head, or as my friend says to a foot, a foot up your.......Any how, I have been in a relationship for 13 years, married 5.5 of those./ I have two children both very cognisent of what goes on around them. My man has been diagnosed with PTSD after serving with our beloved miltiary, and h*ad been on oxycontin for 3 of those years. The pot smoking has since become a huge issue, as he does it everyday, and in great abundance*. I trult do not have an issue with that, and I understand, to each their own, i am not a user myslef, but when he forgets his "leavings", as I refer to them on the kitchen counter or table, or there are parafanilia all over the house that I have to explain to the kids.
> 
> * When he ran out of his prescription pills, he asked for money to purchase some off the street*, when I said something about perhaps you have a problem, he lost it on me.
> 
> ...



Can I ask why it is, that for post traumatic stress disorder, they put your husband on oxy?...and at that, for 3 years?

By the looks of it, without other information, your husband has a problem and needs help, especially if he's seeking money to purchase more off the street. Smoking pot is a coping thing, however, oxy is similar to heroin, just a bit cleaner and some how still prescribed to people.

The blaming game is common. My recently deceased sister in law, always did the same, It was never her drug use causing the problem, it was someone else, for some other reason, not her. I unfortunately know the game very well.

If I were you, I'd go about seeing what could be done to get your husband away from his Rx's, to a doctor, to a rehab, therapist, anything, and then work on where you should go from there. 

I still can't fathom why you'd prescribe someone synthetic heroin for PTSD!

I'm not telling you to stay with it, but the least that can be done for him, is to have him have a clear mind, with no pills, when you explain what he's been doing and why. unfortunately oxy is a hard one to kick, (I know a few of those addicts too) but there is medication for that as well, I really suggest talking to his doctor, before anything else.


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

PTSD comes about when a person hasn't successfully dealt with the emotions caused by a tragic event within four weeks of the event happening. PTSD is overcome by psychotherapy, basically "talk therapy". Sounds like your husband is handling his PTSD with drugs. Your husband needs to talk with a psychologist. It is very difficult living with a person who has PTSD, more so if that person will not seek help from a psychologist. There are many experienced with curing PTSD.

Your husband is a drug addict. That makes you a co-dependent very much in the same way if your husband was an alcoholic. It is very difficult living with a drug addict.

Sounds like you are living with a person who has PTSD who is also a drug addict. Must be a nightmare for you. I can’t see that whatever you do will change him. In fact I don’t even recommend you try and change him or yourself.

The only way these types of people wake up and make massive changes to themselves and therefore their lives is when they’ve truly hit rock bottom. Your husband is a long way from doing that because of the support you are giving him as a co-dependent. Not saying “it’s your fault” you have many conflicts and things to “deal with”. Sometimes it’s just “life”. Either you or your husband will get fed up with their lives and leave.

Your husband is too dependent on you to leave.

Hope this helps

Bob


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