# Add some spice?



## Created2Write (Aug 25, 2011)

For those of you who've been reading my update thread, my husband and I are going through a bit of a trial and error period. We're reading _His Needs, Her Needs_. His number one need is Recreational Companionship. 

His number two is Sexual Fulfillment. 

So, in the past we've had some really spicy sex. He used to ask me to striptease for him. And, not to brag or anything, I was pretty good.  But it's been ages since he's asked me strip for him. I have rarely felt so sexy or proud of myself. Although sex is his second need and my fifth, it's still a need and I love to see and hear how sexy he thinks I am. 

So, instead of being hurt and sad and whiny, I've been trying to think of ways to drive him sexually crazy. Since getting off of the BCP, my drive has gradually increased(thank GOD), and the pain I was experiencing during intercourse has disappeared. So that's a major plus, but I still crave some specific things and...I guess I don't want to ask for them. One reason I like the pictures and the strip teasing was specifically because _he_ asked _me_ for them. That made me feel good. 

So, any advice you can give I'm open for.


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## marriedmanhere (Aug 2, 2012)

Don't wait for him to ask... give him a strip tease.
Tell him to lay back and he can not touch you until you tell him to.

Have fun... tease him


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## Created2Write (Aug 25, 2011)

CharlieParker said:


> Am I misreading this? You want him to do some specific things to/for you? I hope he's mind reader


No, they're things _I_ want to do to/for _him_, and I want _him_ to ask _me_ for them.


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## marriedmanhere (Aug 2, 2012)

What are you craving? Perhaps we could help you in how to ask for it and make it sound like his idea.


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## Created2Write (Aug 25, 2011)

marriedmanhere said:


> Don't wait for him to ask... give him a strip tease.
> Tell him to lay back and he can not touch you until you tell him to.
> 
> Have fun... tease him


I'm sure he would love this. I guess I'm hung up on how I felt when he used to ask me to strip.


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## Created2Write (Aug 25, 2011)

marriedmanhere said:


> What are you craving? Perhaps we could help you in how to ask for it and make it sound like his idea.


I'm sure it'll sound silly, but I really do miss him _asking_ for me to strip. It was a bit of a turn on for me, it built my confidence like nothing else, and it set the tone for great lovemaking. And when he used to take sexy pics of me.


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## marriedmanhere (Aug 2, 2012)

Created2Write said:


> I'm sure he would love this. I guess I'm hung up on how I felt when he used to ask me to strip.


Then get him worked up and ask him what he wants right then at that moment... but be prepared for any answer.


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## marriedmanhere (Aug 2, 2012)

Created2Write said:


> I'm sure it'll sound silly, but I really do miss him _asking_ for me to strip. It was a bit of a turn on for me, it built my confidence like nothing else, and it set the tone for great lovemaking. And when he used to take sexy pics of me.


Tell him how hot and sexy you felt when he took sexy pics of you... I would not have be told that twice before I would be arranging a photo shoot.


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## Created2Write (Aug 25, 2011)

marriedmanhere said:


> Tell him how hot and sexy you felt when he took sexy pics of you... I would not have be told that twice before I would be arranging a photo shoot.


I'll try this and see how he responds. I think one reason I'm wary of bringing it up is that I'm afraid he won't respond with as much excitement as I'd like him to. But I can't see the future, and I'm not being fair to him or myself if I don't give him the chance...


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## Created2Write (Aug 25, 2011)

CharlieParker said:


> This is part of your number one need, admiration. You need to bring it up.


Good point! I hadn't even realized it, but you're right. It is. And that explains why I want him to _ask_ me to strip, or _ask_ to take pictures so much. 

The lights keep coming on the more I learn about myself and the specific needs we each have. I should have read this book a long time ago.


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

Created2Write said:


> No, they're things _I_ want to do to/for _him_, and I want _him_ to ask _me_ for them.


If it's been a while since they were last done, he may think they aren't on the table anymore. Just do them and see how he reacts. If it's positive, tell him he's welcome to start asking for them again.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

One morning, out of the blue, say "you should ask me to strip for you sometime. Or do a lap dance. I miss doing that".

I guarantee that he'll ask for it soon after that.

Do you have smart phones? How about video sexting? You're in the bedroom with a magic wand masturbating while he's at the office or in the living room watching on his phone?


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## CanadianGuy (Jun 17, 2012)

"Honey, I loved strip teasing for you, is there a reason you haven't asked me to do that lately?"


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## Created2Write (Aug 25, 2011)

WorkingOnMe said:


> One morning, out of the blue, say "you should ask me to strip for you sometime. Or do a lap dance. I miss doing that".
> 
> I guarantee that he'll ask for it soon after that.


I've said that before and it's not happened...maybe I should say it more passionately?



> Do you have smart phones? How about video sexting? You're in the bedroom with a magic wand masturbating while he's at the office or in the living room watching on his phone?


We do have smart phones. Sometimes we sext...My current phone doesn't let me send videos, unfortunately...but I sometimes send him steamy messages. He's always enjoyed them.


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## Created2Write (Aug 25, 2011)

CanadianGuy said:


> "Honey, I loved strip teasing for you, is there a reason you haven't asked me to do that lately?"


Asked this around a year ago. He shook his head and said, "No. Not really." And that was it....


Sure left me confused.


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## Lordhavok (Mar 14, 2012)

Mood has alot to do with it I'm sure. Dont know how to tell you to be able to tell if his mood is right for it or not. Not trying to discourage you or anything, but it would be a big bummer to set the stage and all and get rejected. I guess all that ties in with the issues here.


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## CanadianGuy (Jun 17, 2012)

Do you feel that this is one of the way's you feel your top need 
( admiration ) is being met. 

By him asking you to strip tease it shows a great deal of admiration for you ( ? )


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

Created2Write said:


> Asked this around a year ago. He shook his head and said, "No. Not really." And that was it....
> 
> 
> Sure left me confused.


Then he doesn't want you to do it.


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## Dr. Rockstar (Mar 23, 2011)

If you want to add a little spice, I like to recommend cumin, for obvious reasons.

(Thankyew, I'll be here all week. Tip your waitstaff.)


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## Created2Write (Aug 25, 2011)

Lordhavok said:


> Mood has alot to do with it I'm sure. Dont know how to tell you to be able to tell if his mood is right for it or not. Not trying to discourage you or anything, but it would be a big bummer to set the stage and all and get rejected. I guess all that ties in with the issues here.


That could be. He has a hectic work schedule, so it could be that the stripping implies that he has to work for yet something else when he'd rather relax for the day.


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## Created2Write (Aug 25, 2011)

CanadianGuy said:


> Do you feel that this is one of the way's you feel your top need
> ( admiration ) is being met.
> 
> By him asking you to strip tease it shows a great deal of admiration for you ( ? )


Definitely. No doubt about it. 

It's been comical reading _His Needs, Her Needs_ because the admiration chapter(even though we haven't gotten there yet, I have glanced at it) refers to it as usually a man's need. My husband didn't even list it in his top 5, and it's my number 1. I love, adore and crave sexual attention, both intercourse and outside of the actual intercourse itself. It makes me feel desirable, and there are few things that boost my confidence like that does.


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## Created2Write (Aug 25, 2011)

kingsfan said:


> Then he doesn't want you to do it.


Even though he says he does? 

Maybe I was the one being dense by not just doing it...


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## Created2Write (Aug 25, 2011)

Well, I asked him. He said there wasn't a reason he doesn't ask, and that he still likes it. I told him that him asking was a way to meet my number one need, and then his reaction when I actually strip does as well. (The best part of the strip tease is watching him grin like a giddy schoolboy.) He said he understood. 

I'll wait and see what happens, I suppose...I should go take more Zumba and learn some more booty moves....Yup. I think so.  Maybe my stripping was too vanilla for his taste...

I should buy a new outfit to hide under my clothes too....


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Created2Write said:


> No, they're things _I_ want to do to/for _him_, and I want _him_ to ask _me_ for them.


Since you are doing HNHN then you actually need to tell him this. That this is a need for you.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Created2Write said:


> I'm sure he would love this. I guess I'm hung up on how I felt when he used to ask me to strip.


Make it less of a show for him and more like he is being a voyeur. Meaning be subtle. Just start to undress but in a teasing way. Very slowly. And without him being the focus.

Maybe be dressed but sans underwear. You know with a little extra bounce and a chill in the air. Maybe do the whole Basic Instinct thing. Losts of subtle ways.

Maybe try some belly dancing classes.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Created2Write said:


> I'm sure it'll sound silly, but I really do miss him _asking_ for me to strip. It was a bit of a turn on for me, it built my confidence like nothing else, and it set the tone for great lovemaking. And when he used to take sexy pics of me.


If you give him a taste of this he will likely start asking for it again. Prime the pump.


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

Created2Write said:


> Even though he says he does?
> 
> Maybe I was the one being dense by not just doing it...


He said he does, that doesn't mean he does. I'm not sure how open you two are in regards to being honest, but how would you feel if your husband said "No, I don't enjoy it when you striptease for me. I don't like it."

Maybe you can handle that, or maybe your husbandd is just trying to be nice and not hurt your feelings.



Created2Write said:


> Well, I asked him. He said there wasn't a reason he doesn't ask, and that he still likes it. I told him that him asking was a way to meet my number one need, and then his reaction when I actually strip does as well. (The best part of the strip tease is watching him grin like a giddy schoolboy.) He said he understood.
> 
> I'll wait and see what happens, I suppose...I should go take more Zumba and learn some more booty moves....Yup. I think so.  Maybe my stripping was too vanilla for his taste...
> 
> I should buy a new outfit to hide under my clothes too....


So you've asked again. I know some men aren't tuned into hints, but that's about as big of a hint as you can give anyone that you want to start peeling your clothes off for him. If he doesn't get that now and ask you to do it, he is either literally dumber than a sack of hammers or he doesn't really like it/want you to do it. I mean you told him you NEED him to ask you to strip for him. I bet 98% of men would get wood from just hearing their wifes say that to them.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Dress in something sexy and have a camera ready for him. 

Try a white dress shirt with nothing on underneath and open a button every so often.


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## Created2Write (Aug 25, 2011)

kingsfan said:


> He said he does, that doesn't mean he does. I'm not sure how open you two are in regards to being honest, but how would you feel if your husband said "No, I don't enjoy it when you striptease for me. I don't like it."
> 
> Maybe you can handle that, or maybe your husbandd is just trying to be nice and not hurt your feelings.


In the past I wouldn't have responded well, but currently I'd rather know what fulfills him and what doesn't so that I can put my energy into something that will produce a benefit in the relationship. He's usually not one for hiding his opinions though...he tends to be really blunt when he doesn't like something. He could be trying to be nice though...



> So you've asked again. I know some men aren't tuned into hints, but that's about as big of a hint as you can give anyone that you want to start peeling your clothes off for him. If he doesn't get that now and ask you to do it, he is either literally dumber than a sack of hammers or he doesn't really like it/want you to do it. I mean you told him you NEED him to ask you to strip for him. I bet 98% of men would get wood from just hearing their wifes say that to them.


lol. When I've actually done the stripteasing, this is exactly what has happened. In seconds, it seemed, he was erect. Once I didn't even get the first button open...I just flashed a flirtatious look his way, turned on the music and...yeah. lol. 

Well, if he doesn't ask by sometime on Saturday or Sunday, then I'll take the initiative and go for it as a surprise. If he doesn't ask after that, then I'll revisit the conversation and try to figure out what the deal is.


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## Created2Write (Aug 25, 2011)

Entropy3000 said:


> Dress in something sexy and have a camera ready for him.
> 
> Try a white dress shirt with nothing on underneath and open a button every so often.


An excuse to buy cute clothes!


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## coupdegrace (Oct 15, 2012)

kingsfan said:


> I bet 98% of men would get wood from just hearing their wifes say that to them.


I got wood from just thinking about my wife saying that to me. 

To spice up our sex life, my wife used to give me striptease lapdances periodically... with happy endings. They were the kind of dances you'd like to get at the stripclub that's not legal.  

Anyway, to give some advice here, I say dispense with all the hints and be blunt. Most men aren't good at hints, we don't like guessing games and don't communicate through osmosis. If you feel or want something, just say it. That's the most effective avenue.


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## Created2Write (Aug 25, 2011)

coupdegrace said:


> I got wood from just thinking about my wife saying that to me.
> 
> To spice up our sex life, my wife used to give me striptease lapdances periodically... with happy endings. They were the kind of dances you'd like to get at the stripclub that's not legal.
> 
> Anyway, to give some advice here, I say dispense with all the hints and be blunt. Most men aren't good at hints, we don't like guessing games and don't communicate through osmosis. If you feel or want something, just say it. That's the most effective avenue.


Thanks.  My husband gets some hints and then misses others, so it's likely I should just be honest and blunt.


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

Created2Write said:


> Thanks.  My husband gets some hints and then misses others, so it's likely I should just be honest and blunt.


As hard as it is, blunt honest is always best. Especially when that blunt honest is saying "I walk to peel like a banan until I'm naked as a jaybird and then I'll screw your brains out"


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