# can we make our heart fall in love with someone we do not love?



## shazil (Feb 25, 2010)

1.Can we ask our heart to love some one? if yes then how?
2.If we have no reason to not love some one , can we convince ourselves to love that person?


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

I feel if you are "attracted sexually" to this other person, and you have Good honest heart felt communication between each other, and you both truly care to make it work, to please one another unselfishly - then Absolutely Yes, LOVE can find it's way to you both.


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## jessi (Feb 11, 2009)

I think love is more than just passion for each other although important in a relationship.....It's about compassion, understanding, caring, respect, conversation....sharing life's interests and generally being compatiable in your thinking......many friendships turn to a love relationship because all the other aspects of a relationship work and that person just becomes more and more appealing as a partner.
I do think that when times are tough in a relationship it does help to feel a stronger love to make it through, might be easier to walk away if it's not a strong love....
it could work out great if both people involved are committed to making it work


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## shazil (Feb 25, 2010)

SimplyAmorous said:


> I feel if you are "attracted sexually" to this other person, and you have Good honest heart felt communication between each other, and you both truly care to make it work, to please one another unselfishly - then Absolutely Yes, LOVE can find it's way to you both.


1.never had sexual attraction . not for a single day.
2. do not have good honest heart felt communication.
3. i have been trying to please the other unselfishly but still dont feel content.


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## steve71 (Feb 5, 2010)

Hi Shazil

somehow I get the feeling you aren't from a western society? Are you in an arranged marriage?

I don't think we can make our heart fall in romantic love - that's a question of profound personal chemistry. I'll admit I don't understand it!

But I do know people in very successful traditional arranged marriages who over many years have come to share a different form of love based on mutual duty, respect and very deep friendship.

On a bad day I can sometimes wonder if our western ideas about romantic love are as much a burden as a force for liberating individuals. I'd be interested to see some discussion on the virtues of arranged marriages and different culture's ideas about love.


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## marcy* (Feb 27, 2010)

shazil said:


> 1.Can we ask our heart to love some one? if yes then how?
> 2.If we have no reason to not love some one , can we convince ourselves to love that person?


How old are you?
When you are in love you know it. Your heart knows it. It's our mind that makes us confused.


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## shazil (Feb 25, 2010)

Deb* said:


> How old are you?
> When you are in love you know it. Your heart knows it. It's our mind that makes us confused.


i am 32


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## BellaOnlineMarriageEditor (Feb 12, 2010)

Hi Shazil

I agree with steve71 who said that it sounds as if you are in an arranged marriage. I do think it's possible to learn to love another person even though he/she may not be of your own choosing. Granted this will be somewhat different from marrying a person to whom you feel a strong sexual and personal attraction but it is possible.

I think that focusing on that person's virtues and strength's are the key to learning to love that person more with each passing day.


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## peacefully (Nov 13, 2009)

jessi said:


> I think love is more than just passion for each other although important in a relationship.....It's about compassion, understanding, caring, respect, conversation....sharing life's interests and generally being compatiable in your thinking......many friendships turn to a love relationship because all the other aspects of a relationship work and that person just becomes more and more appealing as a partner.


This is really true. I believe this, more and more every day...
Recognizing this as true is really starting to bring happiness into my life.

I don't know if we can MAKE ourselves love someone we don't- however I think that if we care for someone (especially if we've been hurt before) if we can have patience to explore the possibilities- we might be pleasantly surprised. I'd suggest to be open to liking someone first, and then- who knows, a real love might grow...


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## Nekko (Oct 13, 2009)

shazil said:


> 1.never had sexual attraction . not for a single day.
> 2. do not have good honest heart felt communication.
> 3. i have been trying to please the other unselfishly but still dont feel content.


Ok, let's rephrase this since i saw your other post as well. What do you think your wife is missing that doesn't satisfy you? What is it that you find attractive and loveable in a woman?

From all your posts it sincerely sounds like you're missing this ' do not have good honest heart felt communication.' and closeness both of the mind and of the body. To feel like someone is genuinely connected to you and understands you. Is this it?


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## Sunday D (Oct 15, 2010)

Once its gone I'm pretty sure its gone..not wanting sex with each other or not looking forward to seeing the person are huge indications that its pretty much over..if two people say they want a marriage to work then two people will be constantly working on it..If it doesn't feel comfortable or right then it's probably not.Problem is Most men don't know how to celebrate a Marriage..if you don't re kindle the love every 29 days or so whats the point?..it fizzles out fast especially with kids..it should be his romancing the marriage every three times to your one..a woman must do it 25% of the time and the Man 75% in order for a marriage to be healthy..its what a woman needs to feel womanly and excited to be with her man..pretty much woman do 75% of everything in the Family and house duties..if shes working full time on top of that then there is no hope if this is not in play..All Men need to do is keep a job and romance us!..sure it helps when he cleans a bit..only a bonus..not a deal breaker though..the romance,nurturing and sexual part is is though


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