# Pls Help



## wife_2006 (Oct 23, 2011)

First of all sorry, if my English is not good. Its not my first language.
We have been married for 6 years now and I am 28. 1st year we were living in two different countries as we both were students. I joined my husband exactly on our wedding anniversary. Days were beautiful in the beginning, though we had fights then and there on silly things. We lived together 2 years like that, and I found my husband drifting slowly from me, such as not showing enough interest to make any love to me. I thought its because both of us are working and been busy. Meanwhile I got offer to do further studies in a close by city, which is around 3 hours drive by car. I wasn’t willing to take up the offer, but my husband seemed happiest and it was him who wanted me to get my PhD. He promised me that sooner he will find a job there, where I study and will join me. He also promised me that he will come and visit me every week, as I don’t drive. But like all other promises, his promises just remained as “promise”. In the new place I really went lonely. We hardly spoke 1or 2 minutes over the phn and he got busy on his sports during weekends and didn’t have any time for me. I used to find time and take a bus and go and visit him every week, but slowly he started complaining that I am spending money unnecessarily by visiting every week. I got hurted deep inside my heart. I slowly understood that my husband has gone so far from me. Even if I am sick, he never took his time to drive 3 hours and visit me.
Now I want to get out of this relationship, but he doesn’t. I feel its all over and he thinks there is nothing wrong. Its been more than 2 years now since we had any sexual life. I am dying inside feeling lonely and depressed. Meanwhile I got depression and now I am under medication. Nothing seems to be bothering my husband and he is more and more inclined towards developing new and new hobbies.
I need someone to love me, someone care for my feelings. Still when I think of divorce, deep inside my heart it hurts..I am so lost, I don’t have any close family and friendsto whom I can share.


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## ScullyFan (Oct 23, 2011)

are you and your husband right now living together? same city? same house? There's any chance he would go to marriage counseling with you? You need to have a honest talk with him and tell him how you feel and that whatever is going on he needs to tell you, tell him you want to make things better.


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## wife_2006 (Oct 23, 2011)

ScullyFan said:


> are you and your husband right now living together? same city? same house? There's any chance he would go to marriage counseling with you? You need to have a honest talk with him and tell him how you feel and that whatever is going on he needs to tell you, tell him you want to make things better.


No still we are living in two differect cities. I even told him I am ready to quit my PhD to save our marriage. He simply not happy with it. I even asked him to go for a marriage counsellor, he says everything is fine in our life and you just concentrate on your studies. He doesnt share antyhing with me and he doesnt care whatever I tell him . Over these two year, manytimes I sat with him and tried to understand what am I going through. I was so active and good at studies. Eversince my husband is behaving like this with me, I have got depression and now under medication. When I spoke to him about my medical situation, he simply ignores.


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## ScullyFan (Oct 23, 2011)

Do you have any kids? It is really important you try to talk to him again and explain what is going on, tell him you not happy and you both need to work on the marriage, that you will do whatever it takes but that he needs to be on board with you.


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## ScullyFan (Oct 23, 2011)

are you going to individual counseling?


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## wife_2006 (Oct 23, 2011)

ScullyFan said:


> Do you have any kids? It is really important you try to talk to him again and explain what is going on, tell him you not happy and you both need to work on the marriage, that you will do whatever it takes but that he needs to be on board with you.


We dont have any kids and he dont want kids in life. As I said in these two years we didnt make love to each other and I am tired of telling him and begging him for my life. Now that I need a divorce, he thinks I have gone crazy


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## wife_2006 (Oct 23, 2011)

ScullyFan said:


> are you going to individual counseling?


Yes I have been going for counselling as I couldnt cope with this anymore...


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## ScullyFan (Oct 23, 2011)

Is good you going to counseling, you should keep going and taking good care of yourself. You need to put all the cards on the table and telling him straight out that he needs to work on the marriage with you and help you to make things better. If is not willing to then you need to think what you want to do to stay married or not. You are not crazy, your feelings and medical condition are real, do not let him make you think your crazy, your not!


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## wife_2006 (Oct 23, 2011)

ScullyFan said:


> Is good you going to counseling, you should keep going and taking good care of yourself. You need to put all the cards on the table and telling him straight out that he needs to work on the marriage with you and help you to make things better. If is not willing to then you need to think what you want to do to stay married or not. You are not crazy, your feelings and medical condition are real, do not let him make you think your crazy, your not!


Thanks a lot for understanding my situation. I dont know how long should I wait and So far I had a feeling that he doesnt understand wht am I going through. But now I know that he is just ignoring me.


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## ScullyFan (Oct 23, 2011)

Your very welcome. Try to figure out how long you are willing to wait, in the meantime try to talk to him again, try to figure out what is going on and why he is acting this way, he may come around and get on board to make your marriage better. Take good care of yourself. I wish you the best.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

A husband who loves his wife would not behave in such fashion unless he was trying to lead a double life and didn't want his wife to find out about it.

Furthermore, you are vulnerable to falling into an affair if you meet a man who gives you the attention and affection that your husband has not been providing.

IF you truly and clearly have communicated to your husband that you feel completely abandoned by him and he dismisses your pain as if it were nothing, then you should seriously think about filing for divorce.


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## wife_2006 (Oct 23, 2011)

morituri said:


> A husband who loves his wife would not behave in such fashion unless he was trying to lead a double life and didn't want his wife to find out about it.
> 
> Furthermore, you are vulnerable to falling into an affair if you meet a man who gives you the attention and affection that your husband has not been providing.
> 
> IF you truly and clearly have communicated to your husband that you feel completely abandoned by him and he dismisses your pain as if it were nothing, then you should seriously think about filing for divorce.


I have done all possible things I could do in this 2. years, and each time I failed. Now I have been thinking of a divorce for more than 6 months, I dont know why I get scared of the word "DIVORCE"


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

wife_2006 said:


> Now I have been thinking of a divorce for more than 6 months, I dont know why I get scared of the word "DIVORCE"


As someone who has been through divorce, it is a gut wrenching experience - especially if you still love your spouse like I did. It is the death of all the future hopes and dreams with the person we wanted to grow old and die with. Nevertheless, as painful as it is, divorce has helped many spouses to begin the process of healing emotionally - by removing an infected part of your soul.


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## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

Sorry you are going through this. List out all the reasons you want to divorce him and all the reasons you want to stay. It doesn't sound like you are getting any of your emotional needs met. Its not a marriage if one person doesn't want to spend any time with the other. This isn't your fault.


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