# Potentially Settling with your Girlfriend



## DrWally (Jun 2, 2013)

I was dating this girl for a long time, about 6 years to give you a time reference. I started to date her after being single for about 2 years. 

When I met her I was astonished at how much we had in common, similar beliefs, and I enjoy our conversations very much. I truly look forward to her hearing her opinion and value it very much. But I always had this little voice in my head suggesting I was settling because she isn't all that physically attractive to me and she was the first woman I met in a long time. 

I am concerned that due to my career, I jumped into a relationship because my ability to meet women is so scarce. I worked as an electrician, then went to an all men school and got a degree in electrical engineering which now I'm working in the field as an engineer. Which if you haven't picked up on it, I work in a totally male dominated industry. 

After 6 years she's all ready and excited at the prospect of marriage, which to be completely honest is something I do not want. I can't tell if I don't want to marry her or get married in general. To make matters worse I ended up meeting another woman (1st one in 6yrs, 2nd in 8yrs) which has me seriously reconsidering my life and choices in regards to dating. 

I'm not 100% sold on this newer lady because I am currently seeing someone, I'm afraid to make that leap into another relationship, and I feel like jumping from one to the next diminishes the overall feel/passion of a good relationship. 

I don't know where my question is but perhaps some advice or someone in a similar situation or experience can help me see the light at the end of the tunnel. This dilemma has seriously taken a toll on my overall happiness in the past couple months. 

I'm worried if I don't date the one, or stay with the other I will never really have another opportunity to meet someone.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

I feel sorry for the woman you've strung along for 6 years that you don't love and don't want to marry.

Your entire post sounds very self absorbed.

It's all about you without one thought of these other women.

If you don't love someone the right thing to do is to let them go.

Better to be alone than settle.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

If you don't find her physically attractive now it's unlikely you will after marriage. She deserves someone who does find her attractive. So move on.


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## Emerald (Aug 2, 2012)

Have you been honest with your "isn't all that physically attractive to you" girlfriend that you don't want to marry her? If so, why is she excited about the prospect of marrying you?

*confused*

Do the honorable thing & break up with her. Free her to find a man who truly loves her & wants to marry her. It is cruel to give her false hopes.

Then your problem is solved. You can be free to date all the women you want.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

I agree that it's cr$ppy of you to have strung her along for 6 years. And you still make not ONE comment about how you've wasted 6 years of her life, it's all about you. End things now and do not tell her why, just that you don't feel this is working for you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

DrWally said:


> When I met her I was astonished at how much we had in common, similar beliefs, and I enjoy our conversations very much. I truly look forward to her hearing her opinion and value it very much. *But I always had this little voice in my head suggesting I was settling because she isn't all that physically attractive to me and she was the first woman I met in a long time.*


 THIS little voice in your head has been telling you FOR YEARS she is not "the one" for you.

Speaking for her here.... NO woman wants to be settled for...do you want to crush her to pieces.... we want to be the Cat's meow to our men... you will do HER a HUGE disservice to remain with her -feeling this way FOR YEARS.

My question is... .how has she NOT seen or felt this from you ??

I assume you have not went out of your way to compliment her attractiveness, flirted heavily ..given your feelings?

I'm not going to beat you up for having feelings elsewhere, your'e not married yet... it happens... it's the Risk of finding Lasting Love for many...



> A*fter 6 years she's all ready and excited at the prospect of marriage, which to be completely honest is something I do not want*. I can't tell if I don't want to marry her or get married in general.


 It sounds you have been downplaying your TRUE feelings to her for a very long time then-if she is "all ready & excited" about getting married....... have you outright LIED to her acting as though -you do plan to marry her one day ? 

I am with the others -that she will feel as though she wasted 6 yrs of her life -if you have led her on, feeling the pot of Gold was at the end of this rainbow. How can we not feel for her. 

A man needs to be honest from the GET GO- with intentions.... that way a girl's not wasting her time with the wrong man..We all deserve this courtesy in dating. But yeah... I wouldn't let her know the real reason...it's too hurtful. 



> I'm not 100% sold on this newer lady because I am currently seeing someone, I'm afraid to make that leap into another relationship, and I feel like jumping from one to the next diminishes the overall feel/passion of a good relationship.


 My advice to you is ..you need to be HONEST with both women here (intentions).... the more honest you are with them, the clearer your own direction...If they BOTH Dump you... then it was for the best...start fresh and be REAL with the next woman. 



> *I'm worried if I don't date the one, or stay with the other I will never really have another opportunity to meet someone*.


 What in the world makes you think this, are you some kind of Ogre.... And what about dating sites, so what -you don't get out & about where breeds of women roam...you have the internet! 

This is the new dating.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

I would be crushed if my husband wasn't physically attracted to me. I love the touching, groping, dirty talk and flirting. We've been together for 14 years and have had a very successful marriage, we are best friends as well as husband and wife. The last 5 years have been really difficult for the both of us after I broke my neck. My life was turned upside down and my husband has been phenomenally supportive of me every step of the way. My husband takes his vows seriously. Since my injury, my body had changed and I hate it. I'm doing all I can to keep it the same, but age isn't helping either. My husband and I do not ever keep any thing hidden from each other, including opinions. We have fabulous communication. My changing body has not bothered my husband one bit. I do my best to look my best and I do this for myself. I'm very motivated this way.

If your not fully happy with your long term relationship then end it ASAP. You are cheating on her and she is going to be completely crushed. 6 years is a very long time to date and basically it's the same terms of being married, especially if you two live together. 

Tell your long term girlfriend you have been dating a new woman. She deserves to know, as well as this other woman. Tell her you've been in a 6 year relationship. They both are owed the truth. Let this new woman decide if she wants to continue dating you. Don't don't want be living life where your lying to both women daily.

You don't need a woman to make you happy. You are responsible for your own happiness. If neither woman are right for you, move on and find someone else. There are other women out there.

I would rather live alone then live with a man I wasn't 100% happy with. I could never settle. I did settle with my marriage and it didn't work out, so I left. It quickly ended in a divorce, he was unfaithful to me.


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