# Talk me off the ledge...I wrote a letter to him



## Sa55ycla55y (Dec 10, 2013)

My husband and I are recently separated and I cannot for the life of me recognize who he has become overnight. I have lost so much if not all respect for him but yet part of me wants to save 18 years of our life for our childrens sake. One of the things I have learned in therapy in the past few years is to get the thoughts on paper. Well I did that. I was upset, and I poured my heart on and wrote him what I call the "last letter." I am so tempted to send it. It explains so much of what I have been feeling for years and what has caused damage, etc. I don't think it would be well received or make a difference. I do believe he is having an EA which led to this final separation. If he has someone in his ear boosting him, will anything I say ever matter? Is he already just gone? He is being irresponsible financially, ignoring his kids, going on business travel and partying and drinking. He is living the single life. I am here taking care of his children and falling apart and he is having fun. Is it selfish to send the letter? I don't know if I even want to save this marriage after the damage he has done, but something inside me is still wanting to send it and fight. I think most of it is the fact he doesn't want me back. He caused all the damage and then HE doesn't want ME back? What? I don't know if I miss him or the idea of him or what. Thoughts?


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

If you want him back don't send the letter.

If you don't want him back what's the point of the letter?


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## ne9907 (Jul 17, 2013)

You miss him and the idea of him. It is too soon. Do not send the letter. Do you want to save your marriage?


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## TexDad034 (Oct 9, 2013)

At this point, sending the letter will do nothing but make you look weak. It will reaffirm for him that he's doing the right thing. You should continue to write these thoughts down as it is detrimental to harbor them, however you must keep your head up high and do the 180


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## WayUpNorth (Dec 14, 2013)

TexDad034 said:


> At this point, sending the letter will do nothing but make you look weak. It will reaffirm for him that he's doing the right thing. You should continue to write these thoughts down as it is detrimental to harbor them, however you must keep your head up high and do the 180


Agree on the 180. Make life fun again. It will help you appear desirable.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

He doesn't care what you think. Write and destroy. Don't send.


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## jforthegirl (Nov 29, 2013)

I agree with PP, don't send it. It sounds like you won't get through to him. 
I am in a very similar situation. husband of 20+ years changed into a different man overnight. Also having an EA which likely pushed him over the edge. He watches our daughter during the weekdays, but is MIA all weekend, living the single life. 
I also wrote him a letter earlier this week telling him all of the things that I can't say to him face to face(we are not on speaking terms), but decided that it would be lost on him. He doesn't care about me anymore and would just think it was pathetic. It was therapeutic to write it though, even if he'll never see it.
Like I'm sure you have heard s thousand times by now, you should focus on you. What you need to be happy, where you want to be in 3,6,9 months from now. He is only thinking about himself right now, no reason for you to waste your time thinking about him too. 
Focus on your beautiful kids and you. 
I'm trying to take my own advice and focus on myself and my daughter. It's so hard some times not to crumble into a million pieces, but my love for my daughter keeps me on my feet.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Kindone (Mar 14, 2013)

I agree with everyone's comments and thoughts. I'm in a similar situation too; separated 6 weeks ago. Yes it's very difficult not to analyse and think about our partners. Focus on yourself and the children. We are here for you/each other . Good luck.


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## split_open_and_melt (Dec 15, 2013)

wtf was it about 6 weeks ago? sigh...


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## Stretch (Dec 12, 2012)

Write for yourself not for anybody else.

I wrote nonstop for three weeks. Never sent anything. Now I look back read those letters and feel great about the progress and healing that I have done.

Yea for me,
Stretch


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