# Wife has depression and anxiety – Want to help her



## Lost-Husband (Aug 12, 2012)

My wife suffers from bipolar and anxiety. To further complicate it she is a recovering alcoholic (Less than a year). 

I don’t really need to go into the history, but we recently went through some rough times, but we are both committed to our marriage and say we love each other.

I want to know how best to support her when she is going through a depressive episode or wakes with high anxiety. As a man I just want to fix what is wrong, but I know this doesn’t really work.

This morning she woke up around 4:00am with anxiety, all I did was just hold her and tell her she’s not alone and everything will be alright. In the past I would ask her what was wrong and I would try to fix each point she made, this seemed to get her mad. What should I do when she feels anxious, how can I help her through it?

When she feels really depressed, she just isolates, doesn’t talk and sits on the couch eating sunflower seeds, yogurt and drinks coffee and watches QVC. I feel shut out and want to help her, but I don’t know what to do. I try to gently suggest we go for a walk or do something but she says she doesn’t want to. I know it is selfish, but after a few days I start to take it personal and start questioning (to myself) if she still loves me or is still committed to our relationship and this causes me anxiety because of what happened in or past. How can I help her when she is depressed?


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## AgentD (Dec 27, 2010)

Be there for her the best you can and learn about the things she is going through. Learn about her bipolar and depression and how it effects you as well. Shes the one sick but you will need to take care of yourself as well. Seek out a counselor who can help give you some suggestions and guide you in the right direction as far as how you can help, by learning what shes going through.


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## indiecat (Sep 24, 2012)

You did the right thing, hold her if she will let you,and tell her that she's not alone in this. That you two are a team and she always has you on her side. 
It is very hard living with a person with emotional problems. They can't give much back to us. I hope you have hobbies and friends to spend some positive time with. 
If she isn't making progress you could ask to get a second opinion from another doctor.
Will she go away for a weekend trip with you? A change of scene occassionally?


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## Lost-Husband (Aug 12, 2012)

Thanks indiecat! I think I was just looking for confirmation that I was doing the right thing. She will go away on weekend trips with me. funny you say that, that was one of the things that I never planned and was one of the major issues leading up to our recent problems.... I wouldn't plan anything. 

Now, If I could only get her to stop spending money on QVC we may have the funds to do it 


AgentD - Thank you for the advise, you kind of sound like her at times. At times when we fight, she tells me that I need to go to counseling... Maybe I'm just stubborn, but I really don't want to go to counseling. I want to learn how to help her. I find a lot of great info here.


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