# Need some input or help from the dad's!



## pday11 (Dec 17, 2012)

A little back history. I have been in a custody case for 3 years in which finaly the court is awarding my son to me , Jan 4. I have been in my sons life since he was born. He is 9 years old.His mother has made the decision not to take care of him. Right now we live in different states, he is in Ohio and I am in Chicago. He is staying with his great grandparents on the mother's side and will be leaving a younger brother and sister who both have different fathers. My son has stayed with me during various holdiays and time off. 

Next is, during the time he has been in cleveland. I was dating and now I'm in love with the person Im with. We have been together for a year now. She has 1 son, he is 7 years old, his father is locked up. Her son loves me and I love him. Due to spending a lot of time together, we started living together. Some people I know say this is wrong because what will happen when my son comes. I know my son will need me and I have no plans of leaving him behind. Is it right that my gf and son are leaving with me before my son moved? Remeber the case has been going for almost 3 years and the court is just now approving me.

Next is my gf son's father will be coming out of jail in a month or so but her son is very angry at his father. I told her son that he will have to forgive but his father does love him and wants to be with him. So they will be spending time together. Crazy right?

Finally I just found out my gf is pregnant. We are both happy. We both want a girl. Which gives us 2 boys and 1 girl. I am afraid though because one: is it too soon? two: will this have a bad affect on the other two kids? three: is it difficult to raising 3 kids in a blended relationship as this? Parts of me says too fast but other parts of me say do it. I'm 32 going on 33, both parents have good jobs, I'm just worried about the children. I also realize that I'm stepping up into a husband wife situation and this is new territory. Should I be worried. All comments welcome, need as much input as possible to help me through this.


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## rundown (Mar 21, 2012)

Five kids. Two of mine from me and my ex, two of hers, one of ours. A blended family is not an easy thing at all. If you feel there will be a long future with your SO then I would say it's worth it with a few pot holes you need to watch out for. 

The most important thing is to get rid of the your kid my kid bs before it starts, you will be co-parents and you are one family. Be sure that you 2 are on the same page on everything. Don't let her do one set of rules for her child while you use another for yours. This will take constant communication and a lot of give and take when you guys are not on the same page. If they are treated differntly it will cause HUGE resentment between the children and between you 2.

Make sure that your family realizes this also. The most heartbreaking thing for a little kid is going to a christmas party just for your parents to buy a present for your child and not hers. This is going to be a large hurrdle for some because they may only care about the ones that are blood. If you are taking on a family it is both of your responsabilities to take care of ALL of the children's well being, phyicaly and emotionaly.

I would give you a few more but I have run out of time. Those are probibly the 2 most important. Good luck to you sir, the path you have chosen can be really hard but really rewarding.


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## Ten_year_hubby (Jun 24, 2010)

pday11 said:


> Finally I just found out my gf is pregnant. We are both happy. We both want a girl. Which gives us 2 boys and 1 girl. I am afraid though because one: is it too soon? two: will this have a bad affect on the other two kids? three: is it difficult to raising 3 kids in a blended relationship as this? Parts of me says too fast but other parts of me say do it. I'm 32 going on 33, both parents have good jobs, I'm just worried about the children. I also realize that I'm stepping up into a husband wife situation and this is new territory. Should I be worried. All comments welcome, need as much input as possible to help me through this.


pday11,

Since this is the "Man Up" forum, I'm going to encourage you to be the man here. Quit worrying. Don't be afraid to act. Do what men are made to do which is to care for all these people, support them, enable them and above all, don't become a victim of your insecurities. Take action. Do what you know in your heart is right,

And don't be too proud to reach out for help. You have a ton on your plate. I'm sure that when you reach inside yourself you will find more strength than you ever thought you had. You are going to need outside resources for help and the time to start lining them up is now. Find people who can help. Other dads, some kind of mentoring program, family support services. Get numbers and call them. Find people and meet them. No one is called to go it on their own.


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## Shoto1984 (Apr 11, 2009)

I'm not in your shoes but the two previous posts are spot on IMO.


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