# Still unable to avoid contact



## tokio (Nov 9, 2012)

I have a lot of resentment towards my STBXW. She kicked me out the house and I found out it was because she was having an affair. I cannot stand to look at her. The problem is we have a child together so I cannot avoid contact. In my state the laws are that we both have legal joint custody. I honestly cant stand the fact of sharing custody with her. I want to move out of state and just be as far away from her as possible. But I'm stuck here because I would never leave my child. I want the best for my child and to build a great life but I can't do it remaining around that woman and in constant contact about the child. There's no reconciliation in sight and even so the trust is gone. How do I go about this? For the past 2 weeks I got a baby sitter because my ex is so caught up with her new bf and selfishness that she hasn't even attempted to take care of the child. She doesn't even come get the child to stay with her. It's so pathetic and I hate being stuck here because the law won't allow me to move away.


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## Dewayne76 (Sep 26, 2012)

Take the kid, move if possible (same town) and get away. 

Sounds like she's one of those full blown takers that's gone all the way. IE , to he11 with the kid kinda attitude. 

1. Don't fret, they will ALWAYS suffer at some point! I've not talked to one yet that didn't. One even went... well lets just say a few years. Came back, bawling. Realized what she did and all that, ex hubby said "FU you screwed up" and now she's recovering from taking a lot of pills. 

2. FORGET HER! Take care of that kid! If you're horny, you got porn. If you're lonely, call a friend. No friends, get on here and rant away. Talk to us. That's why we're here. 
BUT YOU TAKE CARE OF THAT KID!!! Make sure the baby knows you love her/him and to be a great parent, you do it through your hurt and pain. 

3. Calm down, read these threads. Don't get your hopes up. Read up on 180. Go Dark. NC if at all possible and keep your head up. 

4. Let go of that resentment. Sure, don't forget what she's done. That resentment turns to hate and anger and you don't want to project that onto your kiddo. This late in the year, just plan on how to have a great holidays for them. 

Take care and hope everything turns out ok for you.


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## tokio (Nov 9, 2012)

I already moved away to the other side of town but I'm still getting divorce papers finalized and fighting for residential custody. I want the ex's time with our child limited because she is unstable and quite frankly unfit at times. I want to do NC with the ex but its inevitable. I do not want anything to do with the ex. When she kicked me out, I told the ex that my kid was coming too and that she'd be kicking us both out...she did nothing to prevent it. She just let it happen.

Now the ex wants to say I'm keeping the kid away from her but thats not the case. The ex has made no attempt at trying to contact me on the whereabouts of the child or even come by our new place to try to see our child. Thats why I got a babysitter and basically told the ex to stop bothering us.


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## soca70 (Oct 30, 2012)

Have you spoken with a lawyer? I would make that a priority for custody arrangements.


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## jessi (Feb 11, 2009)

offer to take the child whenever she doesnt want to spend time, she will get used to having the child less and less, if you can have someone else do the exchanges.
dont aggravate her just get more and more time with your child eventually you will have enough to prove in court you should have custody. the child will get used to your home and it will be hard to remove him/her from what feels comfortable for them, it will take time, log all your times and dates and hours each one of you has.
make sure you have more.
let the anger go and just focus on you and your child.


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## Dewayne76 (Sep 26, 2012)

I agree with Jessi. 

I hate it for you bro. I really do. take care of that baby. I'm sure you will but try to keep your wits. I know it's hard to do sometimes. 

Women that do this, usually get slapped in the face with reality some day. Just... you usually don't want to wait around for it 

Good luck.


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## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

You need to start documenting EVERYTHING that she does/doesn't do with the child. It will be in your favor for custody. 

You need to get a babysitter b/c she isn't around to take care of the kid, document it. She doesn't come to get the child, document it. That is going to be your best defense to you getting custody over the mother. 

And go see a lawyer!


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Who is paying the bills at your old place?


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## tokio (Nov 9, 2012)

She still resides at the old place so she pays those bills. I already have a lawyer and the paperwork is in play. We're just waiting to see if she is going to contest the agreement we put up or not. I've been documenting everything for about a year now. It was only because about 6 mo after having the baby, I could tell she wasn't the same person. So I secretly kept a log in-case the relationship went to its worst so I could retain my child if anything would of happened. 

But now I'm stuck in a bind. I cant go anywhere, and she's just enjoying her selfish life not caring what happens to me as long as I'm taking care of her child because she knows I cant leave.


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

Get a camera, when reality smacks her in the face, it will be priceless!


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