# A friend's comment regarding porn



## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

I was talking to a friend the other day and during our conversation, the topic of porn came up. I said that porn is not good because it alters men's perception of sex and women. He said he agreed but he believes that for many men the allure comes not from the beautiful women having sex but in their behavior in the sex scenes. I asked him to elaborate and he said that it was their enthusiasm - real or fake - that is the real attractant to many men. I thought about for a minute and it does seem to make sense for how many times the best sex we've had with our wives or GF has been when they've wanted to have sex as much - or more - than we? What do you think?


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## ScaredandUnsure (Nov 17, 2011)

morituri said:


> I was talking to a friend the other day and during our conversation, the topic of porn came up. I said that porn is not good because it alters men's perception of sex and women. He said he agreed but he believes that for many men the allure comes not from the beautiful women having sex but in their behavior in the sex scenes. I asked him to elaborate and he said that it was their enthusiasm - real or fake - that is the real attractant to many men. I thought about for a minute and it does seem to make sense for how many times the best sex we've had with our wives or GF has been when they've wanted to have sex as much - or more - than we? What do you think?


I think it's true, I do believe it's the way the women look as well, but yes, the enthusiasm is probably pretty desirable.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Ha! Then I'm a freakin' PORN STAR!

WOOT!


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## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

morituri said:


> I was talking to a friend the other day and during our conversation, the topic of porn came up. I said that porn is not good because it alters men's perception of sex and women. He said he agreed but he believes that for many men the allure comes not from the beautiful women having sex but in their behavior in the sex scenes. I asked him to elaborate and he said that it was their enthusiasm - real or fake - that is the real attractant to many men. I thought about for a minute and it does seem to make sense for how many times the best sex we've had with our wives or GF has been when they've wanted to have sex as much - or more - than we? What do you think?


I agree with this thought. Even though it is fake, the image of a woman being that into sex (and into me) is very alluring. It is what I want when I say I want my wife to be my own personal porn star - its not the weird positions, the fake body or the different acts, it is that she will be into me and having sex with me that much.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

that_girl said:


> Ha! Then I'm a freakin' PORN STAR!
> 
> WOOT!


You know that a lot of men are going to be jealous of your husband, don't you?


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

I agree its not the young looking women with perfect bodies.



Its their attitude for desire!


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

that_girl said:


> Ha! Then I'm a freakin' PORN STAR!
> 
> WOOT!


good for you.... if our theroy is right you should be married forever.


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## Mistys dad (Dec 2, 2011)

A common joke with my wife is that the good parts of a porn are the first 60 seconds and the last 60 seconds.

All that body slapping in between is just plain goofy.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

chillymorn said:


> good for you.... if our theroy is right you should be married forever.


lol Well, that's the plan! 

I just love sex with my husband. He's so yummy! I know that sometimes people have issues that cause sex to take a bad turn...but...I have always desired him. Sex with him is amazing and I let him know I think so.

I attacked him this morning after my shower and we had a quickie ...with 2 minutes to spare before his alarm went off 

Good way to wake up!!


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## Jamison (Feb 10, 2011)

that_girl said:


> but...I have always desired him.


I think that is wonderful, and sometimes rare. I bet he has helped you to be able to keep desiring him too. I'm not just meaning in his looks/physical sense, but meeting your needs in other ways as well. I'm sure thats a "desirable" trait when your needs are being met.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

I 100% agree with this.

When women ask how to really knock their guys world I always first think: be excited, put energy into it, put thought into it. Enthusiasm.

I think this is why folks who report affair sex to be good find it that way. They actually have a partner putting effort into it, as they themselves are. Mean while back home each of them inputting zero, r little effort in and companions that sex with their SO is bad.

Honestly, wanna rock a guys world like a porn star - then throw yourself into the act like a porn star.

I wonder if there is selfish bored wife porn out there where the guy spends two days begging her,pestering her, followed by her giving 10 minutes of just get it over with sex?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## CallaLily (Jan 13, 2011)

Shaggy said:


> I think this is why folks who report affair sex to be good find it that way. They actually have a partner putting effort into it, as they themselves are. Mean while back home each of them inputting zero, r little effort in and companions that sex with their SO is bad.
> 
> 
> I wonder if there is selfish bored wife porn out there where the guy spends two days begging her,pestering her, followed by her giving 10 minutes of just get it over with sex?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Well of course, its like that in the beginning of most relationships too, until they get to see their true spouse, then it all changes. 


Are you meaning a porn vid out there of a bored wife acting like she doesn't want to do anything? I doubt it, I mean Sex and Enthusiasm, is what sells.


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

that_girl said:


> Ha! Then I'm a freakin' PORN STAR!
> 
> WOOT!


Me too! So why does H so rarely want to partake???


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

CandieGirl said:


> Me too! So why does H so rarely want to partake???


As I said before, how we treat each other out of bed can have a great impact on how we will feel when the time comes to be sexually intimate. It is not the only factor of course that has an impact in wanting sex (work, depression, low levels of testosterone, etc) but it is the one we have control over. Our behavior is an extremely important factor affecting sexual desire. Resentment is a definite desire killer.


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## SoWhat (Jan 7, 2012)

This is exactly what I told my GF a few weeks ago when she was bemoaning porn. 

There are plenty of very popular porn stars who are not conventionally pretty. There are plenty of amazing looking porn actresses who are not popular in the slightest. The difference is often just enthusiasm. 

There's a temporary suspension of disbelief when you're looking at it - that this woman REALLY wants to have sex (and you put yourself there, in some sense, so it's with YOU). 
It's hard to keep up that illusion if, in real life, the person you are having sex with has done nothing to indicate any desire for the act. 

That you're having sex on/in her but not WITH her. 

This all blew my GF's mind - "Why would a man care??"


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

CandieGirl said:


> Me too! So why does H so rarely want to partake???


theres always the exception to the rule............sorry.

or he gay!


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

chillymorn said:


> theres always the exception to the rule............sorry.
> 
> or he gay!


Gee, you are ALWAYS so darned helpful! Why don't you do me a favor, and pretend I don't exist on here?

Thanks!


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## nader (May 4, 2011)

that_girl said:


> lol Well, that's the plan!
> 
> I just love sex with my husband. He's so yummy! I know that sometimes people have issues that cause sex to take a bad turn...but...I have always desired him. Sex with him is amazing and I let him know I think so.
> 
> ...


your posts drive me crazy! I think I have it pretty good compared to some guys here, until I read something like this. :lol:

But my perspective is skewed because my wife's been under the weather for basically the past month.. inlaws in town over Christmas.. my time is coming soon.. I hope!


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

morituri said:


> As I said before, how we treat each other out of bed can have a great impact on how we will feel when the time comes to be sexually intimate. It is not the only factor of course that has an impact in wanting sex (work, depression, low levels of testosterone, etc) but it is the one we have control over. Our behavior is an extremely important factor affecting sexual desire. Resentment is a definite desire killer.


Well, even though we have clearly had problems in our marriage, we've never treated each other badly; I'd have say that the factors in my husband's case are largely due to him taking AD and BP meds, among other things as well. I suspect LT as well, but of course, he'd have to be tested to know for sure. He's not gay, as another poster suggested...and we're both actually very loving, we touch a lot, hold each other, spoon in bed...there's no lack of physical warmth, even through our problems. And we love each other....

A few weeks ago, we were gettin' down, and I said something dirty and he says "Sweetie....! You're my WIFE!!!", as though because I'm now his WIFE, we shouldn't be acting dirty together...I don't know. His mom sure did a number on him years ago when she found his best porno mag! Lol...


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## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

I can't disagree with that at all.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

CandieGirl said:


> A few weeks ago, we were gettin' down, and I said something dirty and he says "Sweetie....! You're my WIFE!!!", as though because I'm now his WIFE, we shouldn't be acting dirty together...I don't know. His mom sure did a number on him years ago when she found his best porno mag! Lol...


Perhaps a comeback reply would have been:

_"I'm a woman FIRST, a wife second. You are a man FIRST, a husband second. This woman wants to fvck that man's (pointing at him) brains out. Any questions?" _ 

Sort of a variation of the old 'Me Jane, You Tarzan'


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## effess (Nov 20, 2009)

morituri said:


> I was talking to a friend the other day and during our conversation, the topic of porn came up. I said that porn is not good because it alters men's perception of sex and women. He said he agreed but he believes that for many men the allure comes not from the beautiful women having sex but in their behavior in the sex scenes. I asked him to elaborate and he said that it was their enthusiasm - real or fake - that is the real attractant to many men. I thought about for a minute and it does seem to make sense for how many times the best sex we've had with our wives or GF has been when they've wanted to have sex as much - or more - than we? What do you think?


I totally get that and concur with your friend. I've watched porn many times - and often, its not the women - its the certain acts they are doing, but even more the *enthusiasm they show*. 
My wife only has sex with me when she feels guilty after holding out too long or out of duty - never out of some carnal need. And I miss that. I want to be wanted - like I want her. Its emasculating and depressing to resign yourself to the fact that the women you've promised yourself to for the rest of your life only wants to do the most intimate thing two people can do with each other out of duty or guilt. 
SO, when you see women in porn who 'WANT IT', a part of you wishes you were desired like that. It makes you feel like a man.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

When I read posts about sex, I hate that Hubs is at work until 8...and then we have to hang out with the kids for a while :rofl: lollll I love my kids! 

But when they go to bed, it's ON! like donkey kong...


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Generally speaking, men and women are blind to each other and the more they cry for validation from one another, the farther they often seem to drift from the other.


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## Anubis (Jul 12, 2011)

morituri said:


> I asked him to elaborate and he said that it was their enthusiasm - real or fake - that is the real attractant to many men. I thought about for a minute and it does seem to make sense for how many times the best sex we've had with our wives or GF has been when they've wanted to have sex as much - or more - than we? What do you think?


I think he nailed it. Knowing you are WANTED (in all caps) by your partner in every way physically/sexually is a huge affirmation and helps fill up a person's emotional 'gas tanks' if you will. 

It's also a big reason why the relationship I am in still feels fresh after 4 years. Not just the complete lack of rejection, but that she *wants* me, and wants for me to know that all the time... I feel the same way about her and am not afraid to show it. Shoot, it's been 2 or 3 hours since we last pounced on each other. 

Interesting thing about that -- I've noticed that over time being wanted has a given her self-image a significant boost. After the disaster that was her first marriage, and some very bad dating experiences, her self image had taken quite a hit and was well below the reality. By telling her what she looks like though my eyes, and then showing her with my actions, consistently, a lot of damage to her psyche has been undone.

In my first marriage, I was not wanted physically. Rejection, either overtly or indirectly, is poison to a person's soul.


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## Wantsmore (Sep 13, 2011)

Thats why my favorite porn is amateur porn. Real women not all fake and full of plastic. I friend of mine posted a pic of a plus sized model that is trying to make a difference by posing nude in a fashion magazine.

I thought she was beautiful and would punch someone in the head for calling her fat. I like my women to look "real" not all fake and over done.


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

I dont agree with your idea that porn alters a mans idea of sex or women. It may alter a boys perception who is inexperienced and naive , but a grown man should no better.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

chillymorn said:


> I agree its not the young looking women with perfect bodies.
> 
> 
> 
> Its their attitude for desire!


Sure, if it was ethusiastic older women or enthusiastic older fat women their attitude for desire would be just as much a turn on right?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

chillymorn said:


> good for you.... if our theroy is right you should be married forever.


I've always been a porn star in the bedroom. The only time I've ever turned down sex from my husband has been when I've been really sick with the flue. Half the time it's me initiating. 

All that porn starness and enthusiasm did not stop by ex or my current husband from cheating.


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

Wantsmore said:


> Thats why my favorite porn is amateur porn. Real women not all fake and full of plastic. I friend of mine posted a pic of a plus sized model that is trying to make a difference by posing nude in a fashion magazine.
> 
> I thought she was beautiful and would punch someone in the head for calling her fat. I like my women to look "real" not all fake and over done.


Was she that French model, posing in a wicker chair? Cuz if yes, that's a likeness of me...only I'm a bit smaller...I loved that pic!


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## I Know (Dec 14, 2011)

morituri said:


> I said that porn is not good because it alters men's perception of sex and women.


You mean Like after watching porn, I somehow find my wife unattractive? That's nonsense. My wife is always going to look hot to me. 

People relying excessively on porn is a symptom of other problems in the marriage, as is unenthusiastic sex.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

I Know said:


> You mean Like after watching porn, I somehow find my wife unattractive? That's nonsense. My wife is always going to look hot to me.


You may not necessarily be representative of men in general who are porn viewers. Many of them are addicted to porn.

I agree with the author of 'No More Mr Nice Guy', Dr Robert Glover PhD who stated:

_"Until a Nice Guy can be sexual with himself without using pornography or fantasy to distract himself, he won't be able to have sex with someone else without needing similar things to distract him."_



> People relying excessively on porn is a symptom of other problems in the marriage, as is unenthusiastic sex.


Indeed but the problems may not be inside the marriage itself but they just may be inside the husband's head.


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## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

Anubis said:


> Interesting thing about that -- I've noticed that over time being wanted has a given her self-image a significant boost. After the disaster that was her first marriage, and some very bad dating experiences, her self image had taken quite a hit and was well below the reality. By telling her what she looks like though my eyes, and then showing her with my actions, consistently, a lot of damage to her psyche has been undone.
> 
> In my first marriage, I was not wanted physically. Rejection, either overtly or indirectly, is poison to a person's soul.


I noticed this as well. We have always had at least an okay relationship sexually, but it really took a hit when the kids came. She was tired and not as attracted to me. I was resentful and not doing the things to make me attractive. 

As we worked our way out of this, I realized that I needed to be more assertive in our sex life and taking the lead. Part of that was making it clear to her that I desired and wanted her, even when (or perhaps, most especially) when sex was not an immediate option (such as when I left for work and she was getting the kids ready to take them to school). The more I showed that I genuinely wanted her, she felt more wanted and better about herself. I became more attractive to her, and she wanted me more. She also has become less self-conscious (at least around me) about her body, which has made her both more interested and more adventurous. 

Me wanting her made her want me.


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## ocotillo (Oct 17, 2011)

Tall Average Guy said:


> I agree with this thought. Even though it is fake, the image of a woman being that into sex (and into me) is very alluring.


I think it goes even beyond sex itself. I think many men just enjoy watching a woman experience physical pleasure. Of course the idea that we personally are the source of the pleasure makes it better, but even the sight of a woman enjoying food is alluring.


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## Dr. Rockstar (Mar 23, 2011)

I will absolutely agree that half of the attraction to a woman is the ego trip of being attractive to someone else. How many times have we seen a husband cheat on his hot wife just with a less-than-average ("skanky ho bag") woman just because his wife's become too familiar and isn't giving him the attention he craves?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Dr. Rockstar said:


> I will absolutely agree that half of the attraction to a woman is the ego trip of being attractive to someone else. How many times have we seen a husband cheat on his hot wife just with a less-than-average ("skanky ho bag") woman just because his wife's become too familiar and isn't giving him the attention he craves?


And how many times does a man cheat just because he wants to cheat... even though his wife is giving him all the attention she could possibly give him? This happens a lot.


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## Dr. Rockstar (Mar 23, 2011)

EleGirl said:


> And how many times does a man cheat just because he wants to cheat... even though his wife is giving him all the attention she could possibly give him? This happens a lot.


I think you and I are saying the same thing. I wasn't trying to lay blame on the wife in the situation. I was just saying that the husband may not be getting the amount or kind of attention he wants. So he goes looking for that attention elsewhere, and he may get it from some woman who may look like 10 miles of bad road, but she worships him, which is what he wants.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

If the producers of porn were to take away the passionate screams, foul language, and facial expressions of sexual ecstasy from the women in porn, viewership would dramatically drop.


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## I Know (Dec 14, 2011)

morituri said:


> If the producers of porn were to take away the passionate screams, foul language, and facial expressions of sexual ecstasy from the women in porn, viewership would dramatically drop.


LOL. I like to watch with the sound off.


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## I Know (Dec 14, 2011)

Dr. Rockstar said:


> some woman who may look like 10 miles of bad road


Nice turn of the phrase. :rofl:

May I borrow that one?


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## SoWhat (Jan 7, 2012)

The enthusiasm displayed by women in porn is sort of a breath of fresh air for many men who may be used only to grudging pity sex. 
"...You like this? Because you think I feel good? Oh my, that's how I feel too!" 

It's fantasy for a lot of guys who won't experience that in real life. Like women who love to watch movies about ageless vampires who are hopelessly in love and know the right things to say at all times, etc. 

(Unrelated: Porn addictions ruin lives, I know. That's what living in a fantasy world does. But I reckon that the vast vast majority of men who have or do look at porn are not 'addicted' to it. Men masturbate frequently, even absent nudie pictures or videos.)


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Enthusuasm in sex is freaking everything ! It ignites passion, it ignites emotional connection, it ignites our pleasure....without it, our spirits take a hit, it reduces what could have been heaven on earth to near ......drudgery, a hole in our hearts.

Me & my husband enjoy watching some soft porn together, what is really funny is....he lays right beside me his lips near the side of my face, he often watches ME watching IT- while he is caressing me, he loves how excited I get, my facial expressions, my favorites parts, when the women is going down on the man, I have even licked my lips, hmmmm....

But I don't need any porn, I am like a little girl in the candy store, there is nothing that excites me more than feeling my husband get hard against me. 

I took this precious gift for granted for too many years, now it is the greatest treasure he can give me. I know MY enthusiam has taken him to new heights he never thought he'd visit in this lifetime.


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## SoWhat (Jan 7, 2012)

SimplyAmorous, that's really sweet. 
I don't particularly need porn either, fwiw.


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## Bad News (Nov 4, 2010)

SimplyAmorous said:


> Enthusiasm in sex is freaking everything !


:iagree::iagree::iagree:



> Me & my husband enjoy watching some soft porn together ... he often watches ME watching IT- while he is caressing me ... he loves how excited I get, my facial expressions, my favorites parts,


Wow very similar but with the roles reversed, i.e. she watching me and the soft is hard. Although we haven't watched any together in sometime.


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## 2sick (Nov 5, 2010)

Bad News said:


> :iagree::iagree::iagree:
> 
> 
> 
> Wow very similar but with the roles reversed, i.e. she watching me and the soft is hard. Although we haven't watched any together in sometime.


Yep we truly enjoyed porn TOGETHER...It was erotic he would either wack of on my a$$ or we would get each other off and finish pleasurably!! However it changed, he now enjoys watching
when I go to sleep, or in the tub, or out of the house! It is now a point of contention rather than content. I no longer think of it as enjoyment just resentment. 

So depending on how it is used it can be soooo freak'n good or sooo unbelievably hurtful.


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