# no attraction



## blimilim (Jan 19, 2013)

I'm in a relationship for almost a year and a half.
I love my GF and she loves me. However, from a very early stage I feel almost no attraction, and sex doesn’t come easily and isn't as fulfilling as it should.

My GF is 29 yo and I am 34 yo. I do want to get married and have a bit more than one or two kids (probably 4-5, if it works  we cannot control what g-d upstairs have in store for us), so the age of me and my now or any future GF is a factor. I feel discouraged from both the possibility of hurting my GF, I cannot see her hurt, and whenever things didn’t work or the option of break up came, I fell apart with her. Also, the option of starting over at this relatively late stage is rather discouraging.

There are some things in which we are compatible and lots of warmth, understanding and taking the good with the bad. Some things are not perfect, not ideal and in some aspects we go on different directions or a bit stuck for some time, maybe because of the relationship and maybe because of the indecision. However, we see the family cell and its workings very similarly. 
I had the problem of previously finding good girls which I am not very attracted to before, but not to the extent I'm experiencing now, or at least I broke those kind of relationships pretty early. It is possible for me to be very sexually driven. However, whether I unconsciously ruin it for myself when a potentially good spouses arrive or choosing from the beginning incompatible matches for serious relationships, I cannot honestly say for sure. 

There are always interested third parties, but for several month now I have shut them down, although I flirted a little bit before, due to insecurity in the relationship and my wish to see if it is a physical issue or inside this relationship issue. Now I know I can still be very attracted to other women. I didn't however sleep with other women, though explicit offers were given. I do not want to cheat and even the flirting felt like cheating to me, for however good or bad reasons. 

My GF is sexually interested, although I shut her down a bit, not intentionally. 
She wants to get married and the offer was open for some time. I also want marriage, but am afraid of entering into an unsatisfying long term relationship and also hurting her continually.

Can it get much better after marriage if the pressure of deciding is already off the table and we are sexual to a normal extent? 
Is there a chance for a good but not very sexual relationship?
Can there be a relationship without much attraction?


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## honeysuckle rose (Jun 11, 2010)

It will not. Cut your losses & move on. This is a train wreck waiting to happen. Take it from someone who knows.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

blimilim said:


> Can it get much better after marriage


No.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

A piece of paper will not give you attraction to this woman so no it won't get better.

So I agree cut your losses and move on.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

If your GF has a low sex drive, conservative, etc. she will be the same after marriage. Once you both decide to have kids, the sex will drop even more until her hormones recover or she may just lose interest in sex altogether.

Getting married will not solve any issues you have before you get married.

To some, marriage a just a piece of paper. To many others, its a holy bond of matrimony.

So make sure the woman you love, have good sex with (sexual similar drives) is the one you would have no issues tying the knot with.

Marriage is a beautiful thing. Just make sure you are compatible beforehand and that's the trick.


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## IsGirl3 (Nov 13, 2012)

you will find your answer by reading lots and lots of posts here. many with the same exact theme as yours - not attracted to partner, or was once attracted but not anymore, or fell out of love, low drive vs. high drive, pressure to marry. There are so many unhappy people writing in here at TAM. There is absolutely NO WAY that you should be marrying that girl. Being 34 and wanting many kids and getting older is NOT a reason to marry someone you are not attracted to.

There's another thread going on here about a young guy with 4-5 kids and he is emotionally traumatized because he does not love his wife, never did, and wants to leave. Don't be like this guy. Wait til you find someone you love. It will be so much sweeter when you do, even it it's not for another few years.


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## Emerald (Aug 2, 2012)

blimilim said:


> I'm in a relationship for almost a year and a half.
> I love my GF and she loves me. However, from a very early stage I feel almost no attraction, and sex doesn’t come easily and isn't as fulfilling as it should.
> 
> My GF is 29 yo and I am 34 yo. I do want to get married and have a bit more than one or two kids (probably 4-5, if it works  we cannot control what g-d upstairs have in store for us), so the age of me and my now or any future GF is a factor. I feel discouraged from both the possibility of hurting my GF, I cannot see her hurt, and whenever things didn’t work or the option of break up came, I fell apart with her. Also, the option of starting over at this relatively late stage is rather discouraging.
> ...


She deserves a man who is "into her."

You are young enough to find someone you are "into to."


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## V10Viper (Jan 26, 2013)

Are you nuts? No. Man trust me, LEAVE and MOVE ON. It will hurt but you will appreciate each other for it. This crazy plan you have is HELL. No I don't know you or your girl, but absolutely not. What?! No. No...no! Go read my post...NOW!


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

Take it from one of those guys no longer attracted to his wife ... no, no, no, no, no!!! Your life will be miserable. Why would you go into a marriage without being attracted to your spouse? Save you, your spouse and your future children much grief.


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

No attraction will not change after marriage... I would end it with her so she can find someone who is attracted to her!


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