# My wife asked for a divorce, but is now dragging her feet...



## Pbartender (Dec 6, 2012)

My wife and I have been married for a little less than 14 and a half years. We have a son and a daughter, ages 14 and 13, respectively.

To make a long story short, our marriage had been dying a slow, steady death of a thousand cuts. In the end, we both made lots of small mistakes and we both made a few big ones... Nothing, really, that any other married couple has experienced. But you can't fix two-person problems by yourself.

At any rate... About seven months ago, it all came to a head, of sorts. My wife moved out of our bedroom and into the spare room in the basement. As you would expect of an in-house separation, nothing really changed over the intervening months. In the meantime, she made it clear that she wasn't interested in reconciliation, and that she believes that divorce is the only option.

She's said that she wants an amicable, no-fault divorce, since it would be easiest on the kids, and neither of us can afford a court battle. I agree, as far as that goes.

So, I've finally gotten to the point where I'm equally willing to reconcile, or to finish the split and move on. But I can no longer tolerate the status quo... Both of us need to be either all in or all out.

As my father used to say, "****, or get off the pot."

The trouble is, now that I'm starting to move forward with this, my wife, for all her professed eagerness to officially end our relationship in a fair and non-confrontational way, is dragging her feet.

Whenever I try to talk about the nitty-gritty of actually getting this done, she makes an excuse and stalls for time.

I'm ready to hire an attorney who can help me (us) work through an "amicable" no-fault divorce for a flat fee that I can afford, but I'm a little reluctant to begin that process until I'm certain she's actually going to work with me in good faith.

I don't want to push her into digging her heels in... That'll be bad for everyone involved, except maybe the lawyers. Does anyone have any advice for getting her to move on this without antagonizing her?



Pb.


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## sharkeey (Apr 27, 2012)

Move forward with the divorce but keep it amicable without the usual mudslinging and unreasonable requests. 

Worst thing that happens is that at some point during the process she says she wants back in and then you can reconsider your options. 

You can't live your life in limbo and she needs to know you mean business.


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## caladan (Nov 2, 2012)

See if you can get a mediator instead of a lawyer. They're cheaper.


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## Pbartender (Dec 6, 2012)

sharkeey said:


> Move forward with the divorce but keep it amicable without the usual mudslinging and unreasonable requests.
> 
> Worst thing that happens is that at some point during the process she says she wants back in and then you can reconsider your options.
> 
> You can't live your life in limbo and she needs to know you mean business.


That's what I was thinking, but... The most important part of our divorce agreement is going to be the child custody part and the custody schedule. I'm pretty sure I know most of concerns over it, but how can I possibly come up with a fair schedule that's good for the kids without her input?



caladan said:


> See if you can get a mediator instead of a lawyer. They're cheaper.


Likely, if it was a contested divorce. My wife proposed that we just work out the details ourselves, and I agreed. I volunteered to hire a consulting attorney to make sure all the paperwork and filing and such gets done properly.

If the problem was that we couldn't agree on terms, then yeah, I'd be looking toward a mediator. But I'm having trouble just getting to sit down and talk about it. No point in hiring a mediator, if I'm the only one to show up.



Pb.


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## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

give her two days, and two times to choose from. 

once she's chosen her day/time send back confirmation and formal letter.

try that
best of luck


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## Pbartender (Dec 6, 2012)

oncehisangel said:


> give her two days, and two times to choose from.
> 
> once she's chosen her day/time send back confirmation and formal letter.
> 
> ...


Yeah, that didn't exactly work, either. she made excuses of being busy with friends, or having to get ready for work (three hours to get ready for work!?). Then, she told me that she'd try email me what she had... What ever that means.

Oh well.

So, here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to talk to the kids about the situation... We haven't broken the news to them, yet. And get their opinions on possibilities for custody schedules (they're both teenagers and I think their opinions matter most on that point than either of ours).

Friday, I have a meeting with the attorney who's helping me file. I'm planning a very fair 50/50 split of the major assets and such. We'll draw up two or three options for divorce agreements, so that I can come back and show them to her and say "pick one".

Right now, I think she's in the same sort of frame of mind as when you know you want pizza, but can't decide which toppings to get on it. I think I just need to move it on forward, call the pizzeria for a delivery and ask her whether or not she'd rather have pepperoni or sausage.



Pb.


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