# Adulterous wife had 2 abortions before we met



## Canadajin (Oct 23, 2012)

What I am about to write and what you are about to read will probably sound like something made up and like a bad romance novel, but it is all true.

Under a month ago, I decided to have a peek at my wife's hotmail which she was always so secretive about. I thought that she was just hiding old emails from old flames or something of the like. I thought I was letting her hold on to something special to her about her past and it didn't bother me a whole bunch. Little did I know that she had been keeping emotional affairs with 2 of her ex-boyfriends...and yes, she had slept with both of them. She said that they were just emails and that she was just flirting with them but I didn't believe her. I kept on asking and asking and asking questions, trying to get her to fess up. She finally did, and told me that she had indeed met up with these guys face to face but just for lunch or coffee.

I started looking closer at the emails and the dates that she was sending them on. She has sent emails on her birthday, my birthday, our wedding anniversary, a few days after our marriage, a few days before our kids' birthdays etc.

If I keep on writing about what else she had talked about with these guys, it would be a novel. Anyway, after these two initial guys, she fesses up to another guy that she had met at one of her friends' weddings. They found each other attractive and started an email romance. It quickly fizzled and she stopped communicating with him.

Now, guy number 4 I found while going through all of her facebook messages. He was an old high school boyfriend and her first love. What she wrote to him was inappropriate but I did give her a get out of jail card on this one because I knew how she felt having a former high school sweetheart of my own.

Story is not over. During our dating period and for our entire marriage, she always played being a prude. Whenever I said something remotely sexual, she would always say I was a pervert. Anyway, to make a long story longer, she confesses that she had had 40 partners (not all intercourse but oral and all that other stuff). And, on top of this, she says that is the only ones that she remembers. She said there is probably a couple more in there. So, with the count to 42, this makes me 43. Not a good feeling. Being the masochist I am, I told her to tell me about everyone. She told me there were a bunch of guys who she didn't even know their names, and there was even a young college kid who she blew when she was 27 or 28. I am truly stupid for having asked her to tell me. 

Still not finished. To top it off, she got pregnant twice by one of her boyfriends and had 2 abortions. Once early in the year and the second one 3 months later! WTF?

What I haven't mentioned is that we have 3 kids together. What I also didn't mention is that when she was having those emotional affairs with the 4 guys, she was pregnant with child. She did so with each pregnancy of each child. She even met one guy when she was pregnant with my 3rd child.

Now let the flaming begin on me for mentioning her past s!uttiness which is something that is before me and has nothing to do with me. Also, let me receive all the bashing about my frail male ego and penis inadequacy. Finally, let the flaming begin about me worrying about her 2 abortions that happened before we met.

Anyway, re-read what I just wrote and you will kind of see what is going on in my head. I am a mess and my frail male ego is completely shattered.

When my wife and I pass away and we're hopefully in heaven together, I don't want her paying any attention to the souls of the 2 babies she chose to abort. I am selfish, and I want her for myself.

Please bash away. Or make your jokes. Or, if you can try and imagine my pain, please give me some advice on what I can do to get over this series of nightmare after nightmare.


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## Will_Kane (Feb 26, 2012)

*Re: Adulterous wife, former s!ut had 2 abortions before we met*

So you found out a bunch of stuff about your wife's past before you met and before you were married that was shocking.

Did she lie to you before you got married or did you never ask?

You also found out that she has had emotional affairs that she admits to since you've been married. She admits to meeting these guys but not having sex with them. There are things she has admitted to that have not been in her emails, so likely there is much more that she is not telling you.

What is she saying about these affairs now? Has she apologized? Blamed you? Thinks they are OK?


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## costa200 (Jun 27, 2012)

*Re: Adulterous wife, former s!ut had 2 abortions before we met*



> What I am about to write and what you are about to read will probably sound like something made up and like a bad romance novel


I can confirm... It does...


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

*Re: Adulterous wife, former s!ut had 2 abortions before we met*

Get the kids DNA tested.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

*Re: Adulterous wife, former s!ut had 2 abortions before we met*



keko said:


> Get the kids DNA tested.


I think they were more than just eas yes DNA the kids and see an attorney and know your options.


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

Prior to you---should have no bearing---but you sure as he*l should be concerned about the 3 or 4 A's, whatever kind---EA/PA since you took vows, and while she was pregnant, with YOUR kids

So question now is what are you gonna do about putting in some serious boundaries---or are you just gonna slide all of this under the rug, and live in misery??????


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## costa200 (Jun 27, 2012)

> Prior to you---should have no bearing


Why not? If a woman is ACTING a certain way and her real past is the total opposite that is a sort of fraud. It would only not have any bearing if he totally knew the story and started getting cold feet years after the fact. This isn't such a case.


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## Kasler (Jul 20, 2012)

Are you all reading this correctly? Its not just past actions. She was having EAs during pregnancy, birthdays, and other events which is incredibly disrespectful. 

And yes someones past history is important. Sounds crude, but with so many sexual partners I heavily doubt shes STD free.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Sexual partners before you married? Not a problem.
Sexual partners after you married? A problem.

Well, did she or didn't she have sexual partners after you married?


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## Kasler (Jul 20, 2012)

^ STDs are a problem. 

I don't get the whole mentality of tabula rasa when it comes to someones sexual history.

If they've swapped fluids with more than 70 different people thats a definite cause for concern where I come from.


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

*Re: Adulterous wife, former s!ut had 2 abortions before we met*



tom67 said:


> I think they were more than just eas yes DNA the kids and see an attorney and know your options.


You really believe she just went out for lunch and coffee with those guys? How often do we hear the same lie over and over again on this site? It always starts with they were just emails, we just had lunch, it was just a kiss, then it was oral but no penetration then it was sex but she had no feelings.. on and on.

canadajin, don't get too stuck on her past sexual encounters since they were before you but they are very telling of her future. She won't be able to stay loyal to one guy for too long before moving on to others.

Are you willing to "forgive" her or is it too much damage and heading towards divorce?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

If she had been faith in your marriage, her past should not be an issue. Instead her past seems to be a predictor of future behavior. 

I doubt she has told you all that has gone on with other men since you married. Cheaters usually only tell the truth AFTER the BS (betrayed spouse) finds out a fact. She's only telling you what you know and a bit more. No doubt there is a lot that she has left out about her activities with other men since your marriage.

It would be wise to DNA test your children. YOu can do it without her or the kids knowing what you are doing. 

So what do you plan to do now?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Also, you say " clean up offensive wording and racial overtones "


Now I'm curious. What does race have to do with this?


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## Canadajin (Oct 23, 2012)

She sticks to her story that they were just EAs. Do I believe her? I don't know at this point. Has she had sexual partners after we got married? She says no.

Are we heading towards divorce? Everything is in the air. What I did not include in my original post were my exploits. I have not been a saint either but never truly cheated.

I am surprised nobody has mentioned anything about her 2 abortions. I am supposed to think that it is irrelevant to me?

If I haven't answered all of your questions, please fire away. I will be regularly checking this thread.


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## costa200 (Jun 27, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> Also, you say " clean up offensive wording and racial overtones "
> 
> 
> Now I'm curious. What does race have to do with this?


His original post had a lot of race related stuff in it. In fact he was being a lot more honest about it than this sanitized version. Now he is all politically correct just for the sake of not getting racial stuff comments. 

But what he had before wasn't offensive to anyone, IMO. It was just honest.


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## Kasler (Jul 20, 2012)

^ That really does depend on you. I don't you would care much whether we're pro life or pro choice. 

We're here about the infidelity. 

If her abortions go against your morals, then you have to decide whether you're willing to keep your morals or compromise them.


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## Coffee Amore (Dec 15, 2011)

EleGirl said:


> Also, you say " clean up offensive wording and racial overtones "
> 
> 
> Now I'm curious. What does race have to do with this?


He doesn't say that. The edit is from a Mod (827Aug), not the original poster. It's she who says "clean up offensive wording and racial overtones."


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

Her past is her past and it should remain there - 

When you start over with a new partner (and unless there's a WHOLE lot of *very heavy lifting* on her part there WILL BE another partner in your future) be sure to spend time knowing all you can about her past - it may give you a glimpse of your future with her. 

I'm usually an advocate of reconciliation, forgiveness, and renewal. You can forgive her and forgive yourself for having chosen her. But unless you have the Patience of Job and the fortitude of Mother Theresa you'll not do well carrying her (and all her affair partners) on your shoulders. 

Your children will do fine. They'll adjust as will you.


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

> I am surprised nobody has mentioned anything about her 2 abortions. I am supposed to think that it is irrelevant to me?


I don't think so.
Her promiscuous past, the two abortions, calling you pervert... are relevant given the fact she presented herself to be another persona. costa brought the word fraud. I agree with him. You married her under false premises, she showed you a false image of herself, she manipulated you (putting you at arms lenght in the sexual deparment, making you secondguess). She was dishonest from the get go.

Now if you add her 4xEAs... the past become ever more relevant.

Well we all have a past filled propably whith shame we don't want anybody know, specially those we love, those we respect, those we want to feel respected by. But she manipulated you while at the same time being the other persona in your back.

It happens you barely know her becuase she hid that part from you on porpouse.
In case R is on the table you get to know her, man. Asuming you are able to eventually forgive... do you like wife2.0?


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## costa200 (Jun 27, 2012)

> Her promiscuous past, the two abortions, calling you pervert... are relevant given the fact she presented herself to be another persona. costa brought the word fraud. I agree with him. You married her under false premises, she showed you a false image of herself, she manipulated you (putting you at arms lenght in the sexual deparment, making you secondguess). She was dishonest from the get go.


This is the main issue i see here. One thing is a woman with 40 previous partners that tells her soon to be husband and he can then decide if he is ok or not with it. Quite another is to marry him, act prudish and put him down for every sexual advance and then him finding out about her 40 partners and 2 abortions... Holy crap! The past does count then. Even more so when he finds her mailing other males.

And i also don't agree with that clean slate thing. I find it terribly naive to thing a woman with this history will suddenly become a suitable wife. This case illustrates it!


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## Canadajin (Oct 23, 2012)

I agree that her past is her past. If she had told me her past when we first met I wouldn't have cared and still would have married her. However, it is coming out 9 years later (1 year of dating, 8 years of marriage) and 3 kids after. It is still a shock to hear the number and a big blow to my ego. What was edited from my original post by the mod was that in her past were a number of men who were not in the same racial background as me and are renowned for their sexual prowess. I know this is all ego and shouldn't be a part of the story but at the end of the day it is. What was also edited was that the man who got her pregnant twice for which she had the abortions was of the aforementioned different racial background. Sorry to have to mince words here but I am afraid my post will once again unrightfully get edited.

About our marriage, I love this woman with my whole heart. Truly her past shouldn't really matter but the truth of it is, is that she brought it into our present by having 3 out of the 4 EAs with ex-boyfriends.

Do I want to continue my marriage with her? Yes, I do. She is the mother of my children and the only woman I can imagine myself with.

To be honest, what eats at me the most are her abortions. I know this is an infidelity forum but I'm just being honest and am looking for advice. How do I overcome this? Infidelity, s!utty past, double abortion. It is a bit too much for me at the moment. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.


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## costa200 (Jun 27, 2012)

Canadajin are you strongly against abortion? Is it very important for you?


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

Canadajin said:


> ... She is .. the only woman I can imagine myself with.


Not trying to be rude in your time of pain. But my brother, please expand your imagination. Your children will be okay no matter what. Now you know what her moral values are. 

I initially stated that her past was her past. But on reflection from the posters after me, I have to agree that you were sold a bill of goods. She WAS deceptive in leading you on as a pervert. She could have said " at one time I would have let this foreplay continue, in fact I did many times but I'm different now" Instead she led you to believe that she 'wasn't that way'. So, what's to keep her from 'being that way' again - and I'm being charitable in not emphasizing that she's probably been "that way" all along. 

You'll survive.


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## Loveandpizza (Sep 8, 2012)

MattMatt said:


> Sexual partners before you married? Not a problem.
> Sexual partners after you married? A problem.
> 
> Well, did she or didn't she have sexual partners after you married?


Pretending to be a prude...problem


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## Loveandpizza (Sep 8, 2012)

costa200 said:


> This is the main issue i see here. One thing is a woman with 40 previous partners that tells her soon to be husband and he can then decide if he is ok or not with it. Quite another is to marry him, act prudish and put him down for every sexual advance and then him finding out about her 40 partners and 2 abortions... Holy crap! The past does count then. Even more so when he finds her mailing other males.
> 
> And i also don't agree with that clean slate thing. I find it terribly naive to thing a woman with this history will suddenly become a suitable wife. This case illustrates it!


It is not that the past counts per se, it is that the past reveals that she has been lying and deceiving her husband and having affairs.


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## Canadajin (Oct 23, 2012)

I have also decided to include my unsaintliness on the thread to show that it was not only her that did a bunch of bad stuff. Here are my skeletons in the closet:
*I was sleeping with 2 other girls for the first 2 or 3 months we were dating.
*Of those 2 other girls, I continued sleeping with one of them until the day I proposed to my wife.
*I then had sex with this same girl on the day I moved out of my old apartment to move into my wife's apartment (which eventually became "our" apartment).
*I continued to contact this girl throughout our marriage and did have phone sex with her a couple to a few times. Not that it matters so much, but I never contacted her on special days or whenever my wife was pregnant with our 3 kids. It is also worth noting that the last time I met her was when I moved out of my old apartment.
*I had phone sex with a former co-worker who I had slept with in the past (before meeting my wife).
*I did something that is so terrible that I can't write it here - twice.

I have confessed all of the above to my wife. I confessed all of this after finding out about everything I have mentioned on this thread. I was bad too.

There are so many layers of our marriage that need to be gone over. She is strong, I am strong and we love each other very much. We do need counseling but taking care of 3 kids all 6 and under is a tough job leaving little to no time for seeing a therapist. Hence, my pseudo counseling is writing all of this ****e on this site.


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

costa200 said:


> Canadajin are you strongly against abortion? Is it very important for you?


I also want to know this. If not the abortions are not different than the rest of the pile. Deception.
If she presented herself as against abortion but hid the fact she did it twice it's also relevant. Then we have to aks her whether it was pure hypocrisy or shame.
If she presented herself against it after knowing you were strongly against it then it's even understandable the level of shame but also raises the severity of the deception.


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

walkonmars said:


> She WAS deceptive in leading you on as a pervert. She could have said " at one time I would have let this foreplay continue, in fact I did many times but I'm different now" Instead she led you to believe that she 'wasn't that way'. So, what's to keep her from 'being that way' again - and I'm being charitable in not emphasizing that she's probably been "that way" all along.


I'm thinking the so commom reverse madonna/wh0re complex.


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## Canadajin (Oct 23, 2012)

Abortion is not a biggie to me. If some stranger decides to get one, all the power to her. The problem is that it was my wife who had them, the mother of my children who had them. I do believe in souls and I am so selfish that I don't want to share my wife in the afterlife with these souls that may be waiting for her. Yes, I just read what I just wrote and it sounds like a bunch of mumbo-jumbo and maybe I shouldn't include it here on this forum but my feelings are my feelings.
Y'all probably think I am some kind of quack now...


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## Canadajin (Oct 23, 2012)

Weird but I am 50-50 when it comes to pro-life and pro-choice. I don't think women should have abortions but if their situations are in need of them, have them.
I just had an epiphany...if my wife had never had these abortions, she would have never met me. Maybe she would have but I never would have married a woman with biracial kids. If I were to adopt kids, I would at least like them to look like me to avoid the stares or what have you.
So, now that I think about it, thank God she had those abortions. Twisted thoughts...


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

Canadajin said:


> Here are my skeletons in the closet:
> *I was sleeping with 2 other girls for the first 2 or 3 months we were dating.
> *Of those 2 other girls, I continued sleeping with one of them until the day I proposed to my wife.
> *I then had sex with this same girl on the day I moved out of my old apartment to move into my wife's apartment (which eventually became "our" apartment).
> ...


To be honest, JMHO, you sins are worse than hers even if we skip the bolded portion. She also got engaged and married under false premises. You also betrayed her after the marriage.


Man, man. You need to deal with each other betrayals without bringing the other's to defend postiions or point fingers. Every one have to heal.

Please. Don't rugsweep anything. Deal with it fully. Squeeze time for a good marriage counselor.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Canadajin said:


> She sticks to her story that they were just EAs. Do I believe her? I don't know at this point. Has she had sexual partners after we got married? She says no.


There is no way for you to know if she's telling the truth. Have you told her that? You might want to. Because once a person has lied and snuck around so much it's next to impossible to believe anything they say.

Just cause she sticks to her story does not mean it's the entire story. You really might want to consider doing DNA tests on your children so you know at least the truth with them. Even if one or more are not your bio kids, they are stil your kids. So I'm not suggesting that you use the DNA to decide your relationship with them but rather for more evidence that she is or is not lying.



Canadajin said:


> Are we heading towards divorce? Everything is in the air. What I did not include in my original post were my exploits. I have not been a saint either but never truly cheated.


So the two of you have been doing things that hurt your marriage. If you too have not been a saint then you have to be more forgiving of her less than saintly activities. YOu can rebuild your marriage if the two of you work on this and affair proof the marriage. See the links in my signature block below for "His Needs, Her Needs" and "Love Busters". They can help a lot.



Canadajin said:


> I am surprised nobody has mentioned anything about her 2 abortions. I am supposed to think that it is irrelevant to me?


Did you ask her about prior abortions before you married her? If you did not then it's questionable about why abortion is suddenly an issue. If she lied to your before marriage about not having abortions before then yes it's an issue.



Canadajin said:


> If I haven't answered all of your questions, please fire away. I will be regularly checking this thread.


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## Canadajin (Oct 23, 2012)

Acabado, you are not the first person to have told me this.

Thank you for pointing out that she also got married under false pretenses. You are absolutely right. Realizing my own sins will definitely help me to forgive hers.

EleGirl,

Yeah, I told her that there is no way for me to know if she is telling me the truth or not. I have to take her word. I am still very doubtful though. We'll just have to see. About her abortions, it is lying by omission. With something so serious of a matter, it really should have been told to me. Would I still have married her if I had known. I really don't know. I don't know. But that is neither here nor there because I already married her and will just have to deal with it.


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

Canadajin said:


> Do I want to continue my marriage with her? Yes, I do. She is the mother of my children *and the only woman I can imagine myself with.*
> To be honest, what eats at me the most are her abortions. I know this is an infidelity forum but I'm just being honest and am looking for advice. How do I overcome this? Infidelity, s!utty past, double abortion. It is a bit too much for me at the moment. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.


Develop your imagination.


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

boogie110 said:


> Is she truly sorry for everything she has done to you during the marriage?
> 
> Forget about the stuff before the marriage - jeepers, get over that one...Would you have married her anyway with all the information? Probably so, so just deal. Before you shouldn't count unless it was something illegal.
> 
> If she is sorry - get intensive therapy - couples now. Maybe a poly in the future.


Nah. There was some serious fraud going on...or so it appears. Did you ever ASK about her prior sexual history? Did she lie directly, by omission or implication before? (That last will take some serious soul searching as past memories are mutable by current events)

Just by acting as a born again virgin, she was portraying herself deceptively.

Okay. You don't want to drop her...but you aren't exactly feeling warm and snuggly.

She used men like a tampon (okay...maybe there was some mutual usage going on) but now she wants to be monogamous...but she hasn't...quite...worked...out...how...to...do...it.

She's a four time loser since marriage. She's sought the warm fuzzy feeling FOUR times from other men. She's a bit of a 'high' junkie.

What do you do about it? Treat her like a roommate. Don't let the kids disrespect her, but honestly, make your own plans in life, conduct yourself as if you were suddenly a widow and figure out what you want. There does not need to be a QUICK answer.

Don't touch her. Be nice about it, but tell her that her portraying herself like a born again virgin makes you feel deceived and the fact that she's had not one, not two, not three, but FOUR emotional affairs, coupled with her earlier history, makes you wonder why she's still here. There is obviously something missing in her life (or several somethings...sorry, couldn't help myself) to cause her to both deceive you and go into low cal adultery.

You'll be able to tell when it's time to move forward. But you didn't create this issue. She needs to fix it, though you both need to live with it.

Keep a close watch on the money.


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## Tony55 (Jun 8, 2012)

*Houston, We've go a problem.*


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

Hey Cjin---OK---so you both have sordid pasts, cuz yes being with 40 or more men, is a bit much----who she was with, doesn't matter, unless you a racial bigot, if you are not then once again, her life prior to you, has no bearing

It is obvious you never asked her how many men she was with, cuz had you, we probably wouldn't be here right now would we

her past is a possible predictor---she may have been a wild child, and people do and can change----but it seems that your wife has not changed, as she has cheated on you at least 4 times since you took vows

You say you love her, so obviously you are not leaving---so then I again ask you, what are you gonna do---to make sure she stops her cheating

You coul;d make her take a post--nup, you do need boundaries, with consequences----but it is obvious up to now, nothing has been done----so what is it you intend to do----you and only you, walk in your shoes---we on this forum are just bystanders/watchers----this is your life!!!!!!!


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Canadajin said:


> EleGirl,
> 
> Yeah, I told her that there is no way for me to know if she is telling me the truth or not. I have to take her word. I am still very doubtful though. We'll just have to see. About her abortions, it is lying by omission. With something so serious of a matter, it really should have been told to me. Would I still have married her if I had known. I really don't know. I don't know. But that is neither here nor there because I already married her and will just have to deal with it.


Generally women who have had abortions consider it a private matter. They have a reason for what they did and do not consider it anyone else's business. Most likely she aborted the babies because he knew that this guy would never be there for her once she was pregnant. That’s one of the most common reasons for abortion.

I'm not justifying her not telling you before marriage. I'm just stating what often goes on. 

With many people if you do not ask direct questions they will not volunteer a lot of private info.

While past behavior can suggest future behavior it's not a true predictor.

Have you confessed to her everything that you did not your past and since you married her? I’ll bet that you have not.
If you really look back in the time you have known her, before you married her, I will bet that you will find things that point to her behavior during your marriage. You ignore those things. Most of us do that.. we ignore those ‘little’ things that are screaming at us “CAUTION”. You ignored the flags and this is what you got. I doubt you had to know her past to know what she was not good wife material.


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## Loveandpizza (Sep 8, 2012)

Canadajin said:


> I have also decided to include my unsaintliness on the thread to show that it was not only her that did a bunch of bad stuff. Here are my skeletons in the closet:
> *I was sleeping with 2 other girls for the first 2 or 3 months we were dating.
> *Of those 2 other girls, I continued sleeping with one of them until the day I proposed to my wife.
> *I then had sex with this same girl on the day I moved out of my old apartment to move into my wife's apartment (which eventually became "our" apartment).
> ...


You both deceive each other and are not faithful. Unless you both crave this drama it is best to not be married.


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## theroad (Feb 20, 2012)

You need to DNA test your kids paternity.

You need to schedule a poly test for your WW. Tell the test date. As the date gets close your WW will trickle truth some to get you to stop asking for more. Don't fall for that trap. Tell WW test is on to confirm what she has said.

You believe WW only ate lunch with those OM.

Yeah she did eat on those dates because she had Oscar Myer's (OM's) Wieners with two tea bags on the side.


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## wiigirl (Jun 14, 2012)

theroad said:


> You need to DNA test your kids paternity.
> 
> You need to schedule a poly test for your WW. Tell the test date. As the date gets close your WW will trickle truth some to get you to stop asking for more. Don't fall for that trap. Tell WW test is on to confirm what she has said.
> 
> ...


:iagree:








_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

Your sins do not cancel out hers. What I mean is that while you are not perfect, she still has to meet your requirements. There is some level of understanding to be had in knowing you were not fully faithful to her, but you are still within your rights to be upset at her unfaithfulness.

This isn't a case of balancing one against the other, or deciding relative badness. You either can or cannot continue in a relationship with her based on how you feel about her. I think you both need some time and some good MC before you make any decisions.

Her serial cheating is to me a disqualifier for staying married. I think it predicts future cheating. All the other stuff aside, there is strong reason to believe that she will cheat again.

The other stuff in her past? You now have a very different picture of who she is. So I think it is valid to consider the information about her past in terms of what you can accept. It does confirm her ability to lie to you substantially.


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

sinnister said:


> Uhh...I had a lot of well thought responses to this post but I think I'm just going to abstain.


Since the OP was edited, all I've got to go on is the context of what followed, which I think makes it clear enough that she's got a fetish. If you have another theory, I'm sure OP would be interested in being enlightened. I know I would.


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

Fetish is a strong word. Experimenting would be better.

I did not get the sense that the wife was monochrome in her sex partners in any direction.

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

JCD said:


> Fetish is a strong word. Experimenting would be better.
> 
> I did not get the sense that the wife was monochrome in her sex partners in any direction.
> 
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Since the original post was redacted by the time I saw it, that may be correct, but the flavor I got from what remained and OP's subsequent post was that the vast majority of her many sex partners was of darker side of the gray scale.


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

WW had 40 partners. A few of them were from a different race. The abortions could be explained in part from that facet but she hide the promiscuity in general. 
It also seems at least once of her EA-OM-exBFF were from that race. I get BH-WH could be upset about it.

I wonder whether Canadajin dated people from other races in the past.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

The past merely indicates your wife has a very low value of sex. She has a history of easily and quickly jumping into bed with men.

The current problem is her on going multiple affairs since getting married. Given how very easily she jumps into bed, the fact that these other guys are still hanging around says to me that she's still giving up to them.

They know she's an easy lay. If she wasn't still putting out to the, they would have quickly moved on. They are still putting effort into her, do she's obviously giving them sex.

You both should go and do mutual polygraphs about faithfulness since marriage.

Your wife should be ending all her friendships with men.

You need to get DNA tests on your kids ASAP


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## costa200 (Jun 27, 2012)

I got a chance to read the original. The other race guys were a minority in those 40. So i think no fetish in play. She just banged every guy in probably correct racial percentages. 

Don't know if this is good or bad though...


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

Machiavelli said:


> Since the OP was edited, all I've got to go on is the context of what followed, which I think makes it clear enough that she's got a fetish. If you have another theory, I'm sure OP would be interested in being enlightened. I know I would.


Don't really have a theory. To me it's pretty clear cut. She's had a wild past that he doesn't approve of. She was wrong to withold her past and let him believe he was marrying a woman who was more conservative.

Now he's got some decisions to make. Stay married to a woman who misrepresented herself pretty heavily, or call it quits and find someone who's more truthful.

As far as the fetish thing? As long as we're speculating maybe my speculation is maybe to 40 or so guys didn't have a lot to do with the colour of their skin. At that point you've seen enough of what they're packing to know that the myth is exactly that.

And I wouldn't automatically assume that a "fetish" was in play. And I wouldnt assume that the ex BF wasn't a provider and the OP is just a "paycheck". How do you know ex BF wasn't a better provider than OP? :scratchhead:

To assume that this woman is a "coalburner" as you put it and that OP is the stable provider is a leap I wouldnt have made. But I dont know your history so maybe that's it.


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

costa200 said:


> I got a chance to read the original. The other race guys were a minority in those 40. So i think no fetish in play. She just banged every guy in probably correct racial percentages.
> 
> Don't know if this is good or bad though...


I'd say it's good, if OP wants to stay together. If few or none of the guys in her past were white, it would indicate a fetish for something that the H can't play to.


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

sinnister said:


> Don't really have a theory. To me it's pretty clear cut. She's had a wild past that he doesn't approve of. She was wrong to withold her past and let him believe he was marrying a woman who was more conservative.
> 
> *Now he's got some decisions to make. Stay married to a woman who misrepresented herself pretty heavily, or call it quits and find someone who's more truthful.*
> 
> ...


I fully agree with the bolded part. Since the WW is still carrying on with 4 guys up to the present, I'd say it's a safe bet she sees him as a provider male. Even if she chose him consciously believing she wanted to settle down (which is why she pulled her goody two shoes act) this only works for a few years and the need for a more stimulating male makes itself known. In this case, it seems contact with the OMs never stopped, right thru courtship, engagement, and marriage. 

As far as the fetish thing goes, I have a female cousin who is into that, but she doesn't off the kids that result, at least the ones I know about. Then again, she's pretty in-your-face about her preferences and couldn't care less about what anybody thinks.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Machiavelli said:


> Since the original post was redacted by the time I saw it, that may be correct, but the flavor I got from what remained and OP's subsequent post was that the vast majority of her many sex partners was of darker side of the gray scale.


:rofl:


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

I don't think any race in particular are known for their sexual prowess. Depends on the guy really. The OP is crushing himself with his inferiority complex


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

warlock07 said:


> I don't think any race in particular are known for their sexual prowess. Depends on the guy really. The OP is crushing himself with his inferiority complex


I know I'm doing my part to bring down the Caucasian prowess average precipitously down 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

I had a black business partner who when we got to trash talking would just give me a knowing nod as he tapped his knee with his hand. Then he'd tell me that once a woman tried black she never went back (to white men). How can a skinny white guy outdo that kind of insult?

I sure miss that guy!

(for those from different cultures, trash talking is male friends competing verbally to outdo each other)


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

> I have not been a saint either but never truly cheated.


So, what did you do, then, if not 'truly cheating?'


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## Canadajin (Oct 23, 2012)

I have come to grips that my wife has a fetish or preference for men who are of a different racial background than me, hence her getting pregnant twice by the same dude and then having further encounters with him after they broke up and further encounters with several other guys of the same background. This all took place before I met her. Does this make me happy? No, but it is what it is. Is my ego shattered beyond belief? Yeah it is. The abortions by that aforementioned guy makes me want to vomit but just have to accept it.

As for the OM, 3 out of 4 were white and 1 out of 4 had a very dark complexion, if you catch my drift.

About my kids, they all look like me and have inherited other behavioral traits and characteristics. Do I need to DNA test them? No, they're my kids.

About the affairs, were they only EAs or PAs? Still not certain. She has lied to me from the get go. She has sworn on our 3 children's souls that they were only EAs but she has lied through her teeth constantly, from hiding her s!utty past to the abortions to her affairs. Polygraph is indeed on my mind.

I feel like I was duped into marrying a promiscuous s!ut with no morals or values with 43+ men under her belt (pun intended) and who had had 2 abortions with a certain type of man whose sexual prowess is renowned. This is not racism in any shape or form, this is just complete and utter penis esteem issues that I and other men certainly have.

At the same time, I also duped my wife into marrying me who she thought was a loyal man. I slept with my previous girlfriend up until the day I moved in with my wife and had phone sex on a number of occasions with the same girl. I also admitted that I was still in love with that girl when we married and even now am to a certain extent.

Yeah, we both have issues and there is a lot of forgiving to do concerning both parties.

I don't know if I left any other questions unanswered, so, if you have any more, please ask.

Oh yeah, do I feel like the meal ticket? Yes, I do.


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

Canadajin said:


> I have come to grips that my wife has a fetish or preference for men who are of a different racial background than me


If guys are going to deal with all this has to de adressed. All has to be adressed.


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## Centurions (Jan 31, 2013)

Greetings!

Wow. Just...WOW.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Zombies are being risen today.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Zombified!


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## Be smart (Feb 22, 2015)

A marriage build on lies is bad marriage.
No matter what two of you decide you will be back to the same problems on one year,two,ten,does not matter.

You lied to your wife and she lied to you,even now she keeps lying.

I dont feel sorry for eather of you,I feel sorry for your kids,because they will grow up in bad marriage and they will never know who their father is,just like theirs mom will never know that.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

bandit.45 said:


> Zombified!


*Yeah! This thread seems to have somehow got dug up out of the old abandoned cemetery!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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