# I feel like we are roommates



## life is too short (May 22, 2012)

My man and I have been together going on 6 years. I have 2 daughters, he has no children. We've shared our ups and downs but I have always thought we've come out ahead. We rarely fight. Actually, our relationship often feels like we are roommates. We do a lot of things apart. And don't get me wrong, time apart is well appreciated in this household. But there is a lack of intimacy, lack of interest in the kids affairs. We don't hang out and watch TV together. Although we do go to our property together which we really enjoy. We eat sit down for meals together. He makes a great step dad if it involves something he enjoys or has to do with their academics. The kids are tolerant (I am an awesome mom!) but it's starting to wear on my nerves. Communication is a one way street too. I do all the talking and he just looks at me and seems indifferent. I don't nag either. He is often crabby after work and I feel like I am walking on eggshells so I avoid him.
The kind of advice I am looking for is from someone, male or female, who have gone through something like this. What worked for you, what didn't.


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## SabrinaBlue (Apr 18, 2012)

I know you're looking for advice from someone who's gone through similar, but I have a question: is he an Aspie?

You describe his crabbiness after work and you feeling like you're walking on eggshells. He's only bonding with your kids over academia or an activity that he personally enjoys. During your discussions, he seems indifferent. These are all pretty tell-tale signs of an Aspie - as are his lack of intimacy and his desire to spend a lot of time apart.


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## life is too short (May 22, 2012)

I really can't say for sure, but I don't think so. He has friends that he will fish with or go to auctions with, but when he is invited to social gatherings by these friends he is usually not interested. 
I have often thought that his attitude stems from long days at work. I don't ask him to take on responsibilities with my kids as I try to give him space. And it comes and goes.


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## SabrinaBlue (Apr 18, 2012)

The avoidance of social gatherings is another hallmark of being an Aspie. There are many signs - and not all Aspies will have all signs - but others include inability to maintain eye contact; lower standards of personal hygiene; the need for rigid daily routines; obsessive interests/memorization of things like all the train schedules in England, or the history of racetracks. 

If your partner is evidencing some or all of these, then I highly recommend making an appointment with a mental health professional to explore the possibility of a diagnosis. It would help him to understand why he feels and acts the way he does, and it would help you both in your quest to connect with the kids.

Of course, it could be that your partner simply isn't all that interested in fatherhood. But it doesn't hurt to rule out other explanations before proceeding.


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