# Is it normal for WS to say they hate



## lovemylife26 (Mar 21, 2012)

their AP, and get sick thinking about it. Or are they putting on show and telling us what we want to hear.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

I suspect both could be true - if they are truly remorseful and have come to accept that the one they cheated with was just using them for sex I suppose it could be true. If they are not remorseful I would guess its just a show. My ex W was not remorseful and didn't put down her AP(s) just said it was physical, I know my ex enough to see she wanted an attachment to them, so I suppose in time she could grow to resent them for it, but I think those guys are ancient history already (almost as ancient history as I am in her mind).


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## AngryandUsed (Jun 23, 2011)

they cant hate the AP. How did the A happen in the first place, buddy?


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

I don't know that I would use the word "hate" regarding AP... but definitely the "I feel sick thinking about...." is true. I DO feel sick thinking about how I behaved. I feel sick about what I was doing to my family. Personally, I don't "hate" anyone. So, my reply could be out of the norm. But knowing that I fell for his lines. Knowing that I divulged so much to him and he was able to pick at the vulnerable parts in my life, kills me. So, I would say yes to the feeling sick, but I am on the fence about the "hate".


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## joe kidd (Feb 8, 2011)

They may "hate" the situation that arose from knowing them. But saying they hate them sounds like something a child would say. As in " If Melissa hadn't given me that cigarette at school I would have never got suspended, I hate her.". JMO.


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## completely_lost (May 10, 2012)

AngryandUsed said:


> they cant hate the AP. How did the A happen in the first place, buddy?


Can you imagine destroying your marriage for someone you could hate. Heck no they are just trying to bullsh*t the BS in hopes of saving their asses.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

Well, love and hate are pretty similar emotions, actually.

I can see them "hating" their AP, if they felt misled, manipulated, taken advantage of, I suppose.

I wish my W hated her AP.


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## completely_lost (May 10, 2012)

lovemylife26 said:


> their AP, and get sick thinking about it. Or are they putting on show and telling us what we want to hear.


I vote for "putting on a show" and IMO insulting your intelligence.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Chris989 (Jul 3, 2012)

Maricha75 said:


> I don't know that I would use the word "hate" regarding AP... but definitely the "I feel sick thinking about...." is true. I DO feel sick thinking about how I behaved. I feel sick about what I was doing to my family. Personally, I don't "hate" anyone. So, my reply could be out of the norm. But knowing that I fell for his lines. Knowing that I divulged so much to him and he was able to pick at the vulnerable parts in my life, kills me. So, I would say yes to the feeling sick, but I am on the fence about the "hate".


Thank you so much for saying this. It is exactly what my WW says and I had begun to wonder.


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## Zanna (May 10, 2012)

My H said he grew to strongly dislike OW once her true character was revealed. He said he also began to loathe himself for getting involved with her and so his feelings of disgust transfered to her. He was definitely coming out of the fog and her behaviour helped. Then when she actually said she wanted to hurt me after he ended the A because he said he couldn't leave our M and she said she would destroy his M, well I'd believe him if he said he hated her. She also called our home repeatedly even after she was told to stop because she was also upsetting our kids. And yet after all this, she still had the nerve to text my H complaining that she was a mess and he couldn't leave her and she would die and it was all so unfair. He said she's the most selfish, cruel, revolting person he has ever known and he can't believe how foolish and blind he was...


So yes, in my case, I don't believe it's a show. Unless he's one sick bastard and gets off on crazy, cruel women.


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## cantthinkstraight (May 6, 2012)

They can hate the act they committed, or hate themselves for doing what they did. But hate the AP?

Highly unlikely.


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## Numb in Ohio (Oct 31, 2011)

If they hate anything, it's the fact that they "hate" they got caught. They "hate" that the fun is over.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

I think that since the wayward was more often used and in a fantasy that they hate the fact they were naive enough to be taken for a ride both litererly and figuratively.

From what my fWW has said it was the friendship she valued but guys just seem to ruin that by getting in her pants. So I also think that waywards start out wanting a friendship and hate the fact that it went south.


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## cantthinkstraight (May 6, 2012)

In my situation, the only thing my WS "hated" about the
OM is the fact that he got off scott-free, without any 
repercussions for his role in the A.

He's divorced... so what did she expect?.... :scratchhead:


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

lovemylife26 said:


> their AP, and get sick thinking about it. Or are they putting on show and telling us what we want to hear.


Yes, and no.

It is possible for a variety of emotions towards an AP: Sorrow and sympathy (especially if they felt they had a chance of replacing your spouse and if they really felt you loved them and they returned that love), residual fondness, and, under some circumstance, yes, hatred. If, for example, you found they were a player or had ulterior motives, like they knew you had come into money, or they knew your spouse had come into money and wanted to spend your 50 percent of the divorce settlement. If they were a pervert who wanted access to the children in a relationship, and so forth.


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