# Divorce, is it worth it



## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

My wife and I have been married for almost 20 years. We have always had different views but always managed to work through things. The last couple of years she has become more and more disconnected from our home life. Her freedom has become her priority. I am to the point now where I believe she may be cheating on me. I have even caught her in flat out lies but she always comes up with a story. Here's the thing, we have talked about divorce but just aren't sure. My question is for you folks who have gotten divorced. Are you sorry that you didn't keep working on you marriage? I know there is no easy answer to this question but I just wonder if it's better to be divorced as opposed to being in an unhappy marriage where all you do is keep trying to fix problems. Cooper


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## mollyL (Dec 31, 2007)

Sorry I can't help you about the divorce question; it has never been an option I've had to think about. Ultimately, only you and your wife can decide this, and I wish you good luck. It may sound a bit trite on the face of it, but may I suggest that you both revisit the original reasons you were attracted to each other and see if they have changed irreconcilably?


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## GAsoccerman (Mar 24, 2008)

I've seen couples be best friends after a divorce, I've seen Hatred and the tendency to ruin each others lives.

Do you ahve kids? Can you both be civil about this and come to terms rather easily, or will it be a brawl?

I imagine divorce is what you make of it, can be good or bad, it is up to the parties involved.

I was marvelled at 1 couple who got divorced, they would go out with each other and their new Spouses and have dinner and drinks, they all became friends in the interest of the children. Which was cool, the kids was adjusted to it and could love them all and be nurtured in a good environment.

So it's up to you both...


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## sweetp101 (Mar 13, 2008)

I agree with GA. Divorce could be hard on any one. But its up to you guys to make it work. If you and your wife are in agreement about the divorce, everything could work out.


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

Cooper said:


> My wife and I have been married for almost 20 years. We have always had different views but always managed to work through things. The last couple of years she has become more and more disconnected from our home life. Her freedom has become her priority. I am to the point now where I believe she may be cheating on me. I have even caught her in flat out lies but she always comes up with a story. Here's the thing, we have talked about divorce but just aren't sure. My question is for you folks who have gotten divorced. Are you sorry that you didn't keep working on you marriage? I know there is no easy answer to this question but I just wonder if it's better to be divorced as opposed to being in an unhappy marriage where all you do is keep trying to fix problems. Cooper


My first wife and I divorced shortly after the birth of my child. It was the best thing for the both of us. I have now been married for 10 wonderful years to my second wife and my first wife and I are friends again.

draconis


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## nobsdivorce (Dec 18, 2008)

This is a really hard on and really, it's up to you. If anything is worth fighting for, it's your family. Sometimes, it (whatever) needs to go that far down, before you can move up together. Whatever you decide, talk to her about it and see if it's mutual. Marriage is a serious thing and most people would rather run and divorce than, to stand and make your relationship stronger. Whatever you decide, you have many factors to consider, so think hard on it. I would even suggest meditating on it. Good luck


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## RestlessInGeorgia (Dec 3, 2008)

The first thing I think you would want to ask yourself is, "Did I do everything I could to make my marriage work?" You don't want to divorce if there is any shred of doubt in you on this. If there is doubt, you will regret your decision for a long time. 

And, you mentioned that her freedom has become her priority. Just based off of that, it seems that your wife may feel that you are too controlling of her. Even if you don't feel that's the case, it's not about what you think, it's about what your wife perceives and feels. You may want to talk with her and ask her. I had my wife tell me the same thing recently. It hurt, but as she pointed out examples, I could see why she felt that way. And, my wife seemed more concerned with proving her independence, like your wife. 

As far as the feeling of her cheating on you. You are feeling this insecurity because you know that your relationship is not in the right place, right now. I am not saying that she isn't cheating on you. All I am trying to do is tell you why you are more sensitive to what she is doing. If she feels that you are controlling, this will cause her to lie to you about even the smallest details. I would not confront your wife with your suspicions until you have hard evidence of her being involved in an extramarital affair. Just remember, infidelity is a symptom of the much larger issue here even if that is what's going on. What you need to do is find some time to discuss with your wife what her issues are. You may want to do this in a public place so that you can both talk calmly without having to worry about yelling if it gets too heated.

She will tell you what her concerns are and it's your responsibility to listen to them, even if you feel that her concerns are unfounded. Don't argue or try to justify why you did the things that made her feel the way she does. Her concerns really aren't unfounded because something has happened for her to feel the way she does. The worst thing you can do to a woman is belittle her feelings. After all women are emotional, that's why we love them so much. 

Best of luck and I hope whatever decision you make, it's the right one for you.


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