# Husband on dating site



## lj860 (May 22, 2016)

I have googled topics similar to mine and found this forum. About 6 weeks ago I found an email when going to gmail to log into my own account on our home computer. I had a weird feeling when seeing this email and held off saying anything to my husband.

A week or so later I heard my husband get up earlier than normal one morning and go downstairs. I quietly got up too and walked into the computer room where he quickly clicked off the screen of a dating site (I am now assuming this new email was made just for it).

I didn't say anything, but I knew what dating site it was as I saw the name. I wasn't sure what to do and I wanted proof that he was actually up to no good because it is hard just blaming him from just seeing the page.

I confided in a coworker at work one day when I just broke down in tears and my coworker asked me what was wrong. This coworker of mine is in a different department to me, but we get lunch every day together and my husband has never met her (although I have mentioned her name before). 

She has heard of the site I told her he was on before as she used to use it, and she told me that she thought I should make a fake profile and see how far my husband takes things. 

She actually ended up making a profile as I obviously couldn't put my own pictures up, and I doubted he would reply if I had no pictures. One evening her and I got together and tried to find his profile. I knew he was on there but didn't know his name or anything, but we finally found him. 

So for the past 6 weeks we have been going back and fourth messaging him ( I had a good feeling he would reply because my coworker is very attractive), and he has just been asking her about herself etc. She asked what he was looking for and he said he was looking for a relationship (and his profile states this also).

After about 2 weeks she asked for his number. He said he had experienced some crazy girls on the site and would rather talk longer before giving it out. After 3 weeks she asked to meet but he sort of just avoided the topic and said he wanted to chat more first before meeting.

So we are at 6 weeks now and he has been flirting with her and brought up some sexual stuff. She of course flirted back to see how far he would go. He asked if she would like to cam and have some fun. What do I do now? I am convinced he has done this with other girls too, but he hasn't actually seemed to take any steps in trying to meet my friend. 

I just don't know at this point whether to confront or not. I feel like he could just try and bs his way out of all of this if I mention it because nothing really has happened other than some flirty chat. We have been married for 4 years now and I am his second marriage. I just don't know what to do.


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## MrsAldi (Apr 15, 2016)

If this was my husband, he would be gone. 
I don't know if I could forgive. 
Is it cheating or messing around? 
The intention to cheat is there & if the right profile was there he could likely cheat. 
Plus the fact that he didn't tell your co-worker he was married. 
That's awful. 



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## lj860 (May 22, 2016)

Do you think at this point that even matters? If he does now I don't know what to think. I don't know if we should continue messaging him.


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## MrsAldi (Apr 15, 2016)

Only you can ultimately decide if you want to be with him or not. 
Especially if kids involved. 
But he's being extremely disrespectful & dishonest. 
If you confront him, he will say he hasn't cheated because, he didn't meet or talk on phones. 
Being married & on a singles website is cheating. 
The intent is there. If it's innocent why would he hide it? 





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## Fitnessfan (Nov 18, 2014)

I personally would want to know if he would take it further. If he is just curious but not really wanting to ever go through with anything, this might be something I could forgive under the right circumstances. If he actually went through with meeting her, that would be game over for me.


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## jdawg2015 (Feb 12, 2015)

Eventually he'll get the nerve up to do it. Bank on it.

This is already cheating but so far it has not gone physical. He's testing the waters.

You have enough to confront. You've done quite well to be so patient and stay poker faced. Not sure I'd be able to do the same.

If me, I'd confront and blow it up. But you have to find out what's wrong between you too and for goodness sake don't rug sweep just because he did not meet her in person.

Get marriage counseling.

At this point forward your husband gives up any and all passwords to electronics and never is allowed 1:1 with other women. Very rigid boundaries.

If you caught this early enough it could wake him up. You can be sure he's probably messaging others as well.


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## lj860 (May 22, 2016)

Okay, she literally asked him last night why he hasn't met after a while because it seems suspicious. He came clean and said he was married but unhappy. Does this change anything? He just replied to her and she told me. He is out right now.


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## Fitnessfan (Nov 18, 2014)

I'd have a hard time not asking what's he unhappy about but then I also wouldn't want my friend involved in that discussion.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Have your friend set up the cam session, _but be there w/ her for it._

"Hey Baby, I thought I'd have a friend join us... your wife!"

Oh, and make sure that she has a screen capture app -- something like Fraps, for example -- up and running on her PC so that you'll have proof of his online activities.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lj860 (May 22, 2016)

Doesn't sound a bad idea. What a shocker that would be. I wonder why he admitted he is married? Is this a good thing? She asked why he was unhappy and he said he doesn't want to talk about it.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

lj860 said:


> Okay, she literally asked him last night why he hasn't met after a while because it seems suspicious. He came clean and said he was married but unhappy. Does this change anything? He just replied to her and she told me. He is out right now.


\yes. It means now you get to end his second marriage.

For probably the same or a similar reason his first marriage ended.

Sorry, but you need to divorce him.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

GusPolinski said:


> Have your friend set up the cam session, _but be there w/ her for it._
> 
> "Hey Baby, I thought I'd have a friend join us... your wife!"
> 
> ...


Gus, that is pure genius! :smthumbup:


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## Abc123wife (Sep 18, 2013)

How old are you? Your husband? Any kids? 

Personally, I would be done. He is on his 2nd marriage. He says he is unhappy but he hasn't communicated that to you? Has he not figured out by now that marriages fail if you don't communicate? They most definitely can fail if you join a dating website when you are married! 

I find it especially despicable when spouses plan out their cheating which is exactly the case when joining a dating website when you have made vows to honor and cherish your spouse. It is bad enough to "fall" into an affair (no excuses there but at least it wasn't planned out and sought after), but to be so devious as to seek one out by joining a dating website is unforgivable to me.


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## lj860 (May 22, 2016)

I am 36 and he is 34. No kids. I find it weird he told my friend he is married. Why say that? I don't understand his behavior.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

lj860 said:


> I wonder why he admitted he is married? Is this a good thing? She asked why he was unhappy and he said he doesn't want to talk about it.


Okay, I'm going to come across as a hard-a$$ed b!tch, but you asked the questions, so I'm giving you the answers.

Why are you torturing/punishing yourself? Who gives a flying f^ck why he admitted he was married or not? A good thing - WTF????? YOUR husband is out on a dating site playing slap-and-tickle, figuratively speaking.

He wants to have an affair because he is "unhappy" in his marriage. You're married to the guy, so come clean here: What do you think he has to be unhappy about? Lack of sex? Lack of romance? Lack of emotional connection?

Seriously. There HAS to be more to this story than you are reporting. Why? Because there are two people in this marriage, and it is never true that it is 100% one partner's fault that things are going to hell in a hand basket.

Catch him in the act. Have solid proof. Then you confront. Frankly, I wouldn't waste a New York minute on a man like your husband. I did that once and I've never done it again. Life is too darned short to waste on this type of crap.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

lj860 said:


> I am 36 and he is 34. No kids. I find it weird he told my friend he is married. Why say that? I don't understand his behavior.


Maybe hes on to you.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

chillymorn said:


> Maybe hes on to you.


Wow! Just like he must have been on to his first wife, huh?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

chillymorn said:


> Maybe hes on to you.


Even if he isn't, get ready for him to blame you for what's going on.

"How dare you spy on me like that! How dare you drag one of your co-workers into our private problems! I should divorce you right now!"

"I KNEW you didn't trust me! Oh - and you think I didn't recognize her? I knew she was one of your co-workers (lie, lie lie...)"

He's cheating. Cheaters nearly always justify their behaviors.

Whatever is wrong between the two of you, be prepared for him to add this to YOUR SIDE of the list.

Confront him now before he gets up the nerve to do something in person with someone that ISN'T your friend.


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## niceguy28 (May 6, 2016)

Tell her to ask him to meet at a hotel and to bring condoms. If he lies to you about where he's going and then shows up then he's busted and then kick his a$$ to the curb.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Methinks someone is hiding under a bridge....


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## Mclane (Apr 28, 2016)

This whole thing could backfire. Your coworker could meet him, they could hit it off and have an affair.

It would make a good movie plot.

On a serious note, how much more are you willing to accept from your deceptive cheating husband?

Do you need for him to attempt to insert his penis into another woman's VJ before you think he's hit your limit?

It's time to lose him and regain your self respect.


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## Mclane (Apr 28, 2016)

GusPolinski said:


> Have your friend set up the cam session, _but be there w/ her for it._
> 
> "Hey Baby, I thought I'd have a friend join us... your wife!"
> 
> Oh, and make sure that she has a screen capture app -- something like Fraps, for example -- up and running on her PC so that you'll have proof of his online activities.


Unless she's in a state that rewards the betrayed spouse in divorce after infidelity, it's no better strategy than having him served with divorce papers without saying a word.

You don't need to prove anything to the only person that matters, you already know.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

I'm vendictive, so I'd set up a date in a local hotel room.

And be there first, with some close friends and family, and with a videocamera running.

So when he comes in looking for his date, it's recorded for all of posterity and with witnesses.

If he fought the divorce or wasn't fair, that tape would hit YouTube.


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## Mclane (Apr 28, 2016)

3Xnocharm said:


> Methinks someone is hiding under a bridge....


 @3Xnocharm

Quiet you.

Sometimes fiction beats reality and this is a good one even if it's a bit too obvious.


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## AVR1962 (May 30, 2012)

Good for you for catching your husband red handed. Copy the messages, show him them and then file for divorce. He is a cheat and men like this continue to do this no matter if he confesses and apologizes. This is not about you, this is his problem. The trust has been broken. Leave and feel thankful that children weren't a part of this.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

3Xnocharm said:


> Methinks someone is hiding under a bridge....


Spot on, charm. This one is a hairy little creature who inhabits a hole under the bridge, or else it's a bunch of kids just out of school with time on their hands ...


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## Renee0414 (May 26, 2016)

lj860 said:


> I am 36 and he is 34. No kids. I find it weird he told my friend he is married. Why say that? I don't understand his behavior.


Hun, just confront him about it calmly. If you really love him Ask for marriage counseling. Tell him you want to fix things. Marriages can be saved after affairs (he has already cheated in my books) If he doesnt want to work on it, then think about divorce. But, something is wrong in your marriage and cheating is a side effect. Figure out what is going on and work on it. Him admitting he is married might be a sign he is looking for someone to stop what he is doing. Maybe he is looking for someone to talk to about it. 

I mean, if you dont want to lose him, you can definitely save your marriage especially if you caught this from the beginning. 

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## Bibi1031 (Sep 14, 2015)

Well I guess you two have an open marriage then. You are playing on to his games. You found him on a dating site. He is communicating with your friend and very probably others. He even admitted he had encountered some crazies on there. 

That's CHEATING and you are enjoying playing along in his sick game. What are you made of? If you are his wife, then your blood should of been boiling weeks ago. He broke vows. He is giving attention to women on the Internet and taking that attention away from his wife. What total lack of self respect on your part. Why should he respect you or the vows he made to you? 

Can you truly not see that your behavior is odd? No kids to worry about, dump his cheating, unhappy Arse! Cheesh!


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## Kevin1q2 (Jul 20, 2016)

Your husband is headed in the absolute wrong direction, and headed for TROUBLE. Husbands shouldn't have profiles on dating sites.


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