# Almost forget her birthday



## toolforgrowth (Apr 24, 2012)

I'm at work, getting stuff done and going through my usual day, and I look at my calendar and I see today is June 7. Nothing registers, it's just another day for me. About 3 hours later I'm looking at my calendar again when it suddenly hits me: today is my STBXW's birthday. 

I had completely forgotten. It's not like I would have done anything anyway had I remembered; cheaters don't get recognition in my book. But still, there was a time when this day would have been special for me. Now, it's just another day.

What really floors me is the fact that I totally forgot. She keeps getting farther and farther down my list. And the real funny thing? I have a lunch date today with my lady friend. 

Happy Birthday to you, X. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Now that's progress!


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## dormant (Apr 3, 2012)

Good for you!


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

Good luck on the date.


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## toolforgrowth (Apr 24, 2012)

Thank you everybody.  I can tell that my 180 is having an effect on her. My attorney called me Monday after work and said that she lawyered up and filed a motion for child support totaling close to $800/month for our 4 year old. When we separated she asked me to only pay $250/month, which I have been. It's not much, but I've been making the mortgage payment all on my own now in addition to all my other bills.

A mutual friend of ours told me that the X is doing this to get me out of my house. My guess is she has seen me move back into my house (the X got her own apartment in February and hasn't been back), and knows I'm moving on with my life and doesn't like it. My house is BEAUTIFUL on the inside now.

I've been dark for close to two months now, focusing on myself and my kids, and improving my life. Thankfully, to my knowledge she doesn't know about my lady friend, but I can guess she probably suspects I'm seeing someone since I suddenly got interested in getting my own place and making it awesome. To quote her own words to me from after we separated, she is just not a priority right now.

Forgetting her birthday is like icing on the cake. I didn't say a word on Mother's Day, and I sure as hell won't say anything today. I'm sure she knows I won't say anything, bu I can't help but wonder if a part of her wishes I would. Oh, the reality of separation and divorce!! Who would have ever thought I would be HAPPIER as a result of this??
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

Does your attorney know she moved out of the marital home since february? Wont that be considered an abandonment where you live? Meaning you'll get a better custody and support?


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## toolforgrowth (Apr 24, 2012)

Yes he does, but I don't know if my state has abandonment or not. Don't think so...?
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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

Well start reading your state divorce laws like right now.

Do you have proof of her lease/mortgage for the other place or any other kind of proof?


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## toolforgrowth (Apr 24, 2012)

I have a meeting with my attorney next Wednesday after mediation orientation, l ask him about it. You got me wondering and thinking... 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

Go over to dadsdivorce.com forums and start reading other people's experience's from your state. 

Also just because you hired a lawyer doesn't mean he'll go through each and every detail. He wants to do minimal work for his pay.


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## toolforgrowth (Apr 24, 2012)

Stayed up till midnight on my stbxw's birthday talking to my lady friend. She is kinda going through a somewhat similar experience and we talk about it. I happened to mention this story to her during our lunch date, and she smiled BIG time. She thought it was just awesome. She knows everything, and she says I have a long battle ahead of me, and she's right.

STBXW is trying to make my life miserable; filed a status quo order to keep me from spending more time with my daughter, wants me to pay out the nose in child support so I can't afford my house...I can offer guesses as to why, but they're only guesses: she just wants a reaction out of me, she sees me happy without her and wants to make me unhappy, she's jealous that i'm turning the house into something awesome for me while she lives in a tiny apartment, she has nothing better to do... Sometimes I even think that she wants me out of the house so she can get me to try again. I live next door to my folks, and my brother and his partner live across the street (I come from a very close knit family), and she knows that there is no way in hell she could ever step foot in the house again with my family all around us. But forcing me out of the house, and away from my family, would give her the chance to encroach on my space again. I dunno. 

All I can say is that no matter what she throws at me, I will deal with it and stand toe to toe. She has awoken something in me that cannot be out back to sleep.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

toolforgrowth said:


> Sometimes I even think that she wants me out of the house so she can get me to try again.


Others will chime in but that's what Im thinking as well.

I remember you mentioning she seemed beat down, sad when you saw her. Im guessing she is regretting her decision BIG time and trying to have you suffer then chase her.


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## toolforgrowth (Apr 24, 2012)

keko said:


> Others will chime in but that's what Im thinking as well.
> 
> I remember you mentioning she seemed beat down, sad when you saw her. Im guessing she is regretting her decision BIG time and trying to have you suffer then chase her.


That's a very real possibility. That's because I've stopped chasing her. Completely stopped. The 180 works! Lol Once I made up my mind to proceed with divorce and live my life without her, I never once looked back. And as time went on, especially after I got confirmation of her PA, she got even more erratic in her behavior and that's when her sadness really started to show itself. The first time i saw her after i found out, she could barely look at me. But I do think there's a degree of "revenge" on her part too, I popped her fantasy bubble. I'm sure there's a degree of her wanting to pop my bubble as well in her decisions. Lol But she resisted divorce pretty hard, and whenever push comes to shove, she always finds a reason to delay the process and drag it out even more. 

But I firmly believe she just doesn't like the fact that I'm moving on and that it's me rejecting her now, and not vice versa. I took that stick away from her, and she has no idea what to do about it, except escalate the situation.
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## toolforgrowth (Apr 24, 2012)

And to expand on that though keko...it makes ZERO sense to me that having me suffer by keeping my kids from me and making me pay through the nose in child support would make me chase her! Quite the opposite, it's pushing me away even further. I don't even like her as a person anymore. I flat out told my counselor that...I don't even LIKE her anymore. Any last vestiges of good feelings for her have evaporated, or are in the process of evaporating.

I just don't understand the logic in escalating the situation to get me to chase her. :scratchhead:


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

The mindset of stupid people are well...... stupid. Don't waste your time thinking what's the logic behind her actions.

One more thing you said YOUR house was next to your families so she can't get in without them seeing but have you changed the locks just to be safe? Im sure you would hate to see all your hardwork inside ruined if she somehow gets in.


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## toolforgrowth (Apr 24, 2012)

keko said:


> The mindset of stupid people are well...... stupid. Don't waste your time thinking what's the logic behind her actions.
> 
> One more thing you said YOUR house was next to your families so she can't get in without them seeing but have you changed the locks just to be safe? Im sure you would hate to see all your hardwork inside ruined if she somehow gets in.


No I haven't changed the locks yet. She did leave the keys on the counter before she left. It's possible she could have made copies, but with my family surrounding my house I don't worry about it. But I do plan on changing the locks just in case. She wants me to sell it, so destroying the inside would make no sense in that regard...but nothing she does anymore makes any sense.


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

Once the divorce nears the end expect her to get batsh!tcrazy. Not just about the house but for other things as well. 

Do you have a voice recorder or a camera? If not it'll be worthy to buy them and keep them around during child exchanges and when/if she stops by.


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## toolforgrowth (Apr 24, 2012)

keko said:


> Once the divorce nears the end expect her to get batsh!tcrazy. Not just about the house but for other things as well.
> 
> Do you have a voice recorder or a camera? If not it'll be worthy to buy them and keep them around during child exchanges and when/if she stops by.


She's already getting batsh!t crazy now! LOL But you're saying even more so...gotcha.

No VAR but I'm seriously considering getting one. Not sure of the legality of it all though.


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

toolforgrowth said:


> She's already getting batsh!t crazy now! LOL But you're saying even more so...gotcha.
> 
> No VAR but I'm seriously considering getting one. Not sure of the legality of it all though.


Which state?

In some you have to say you're recording this conversation while in most as long as you're involved you don't have to mention it.


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## toolforgrowth (Apr 24, 2012)

keko said:


> Which state?
> 
> In some you have to say you're recording this conversation while in most as long as you're involved you don't have to mention it.


Oregon.


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

Record it without mentioning it.

COVERTLY RECORDING TELEPHONE CONVERSATIONS


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## toolforgrowth (Apr 24, 2012)

keko said:


> Record it without mentioning it.
> 
> COVERTLY RECORDING TELEPHONE CONVERSATIONS


I would seriously buy you a 6 pack of beer for that. THANK YOU. You just made my day.


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

Just making sure you cover your ass for any false domestic violence or some life threatening words she uses.


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

Or, she's playing hardball as part of the negotiation/divorce process. Probably due to her lawyer's advice.

Be interesting to see if she can afford her lawyer fees.


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## toolforgrowth (Apr 24, 2012)

All of this started before we lawyered up. She flat our told a mutual friend of ours that she is going for child support so I can no longer afford my house and sell it. This is regarding a home that she said in her petition that she fully awarded to me even though her name is on the loan too. Why would she try to get me out of a house she no longer gives a damn about? Her lawyer wouldn't care about that. 

I can hold out longer regarding attorney's fees than she can. That's one of the benefits of having a huge family that can't stand her now. 

On a positive note, I think my lady friend is becoming a full blown girlfriend. Last night we snuggled and talked for HOURS...something STBXW and I haven't done in years. It was so great.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

I have a lady friend now too. And man does it ever lift your spirits! Glad to hear things are going well for you and that your pathetic STBXW is stewing in her own mess. Mine is headed down a dark path, but I think less and less about her all the time. 

Both your wife and mine know they screwed up big time. Too bad their pride won't let them admit their bad choices and learn from them.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## toolforgrowth (Apr 24, 2012)

That's it...pride. I do believe she realizes she screwed up now, but is just too proud to admit it. I even told her when we separated: "When all this is said and done the only thing you will have left is your pride. I hope it's worth it." Man, did I ever call it. Her parents, through her little brother (who is a very dear friend of mine), told me they missed me, and I believe it. The STBXW once told me that her mother adores me.

My lady friend and I are taking things slow, and I'm fine with that. Sometimes I want to jump the gun a little because everything is so AWESOME when we are together but she keeps me in check.  I'm actually very grateful for that, and she knows it.

Spent the day yesterday putzing around the house; got some stuff hung up on the walls, did more unpacking, etc. For dinner I grilled myself a sirloin steak and made steamed broccoli and cauliflower and a baked potato. It was so great to be back in my kitchen cookig again, making myself whatever I wanted to eat and chowing down at my own dinner table. I don't get lonely. In fact, I relish the solitude and the peace and quiet. The only thing I miss are my daughters. 

All I can do is speculate on my x and what her intentions are, but I don't believe for a second that she's happy.
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## toolforgrowth (Apr 24, 2012)

Interesting Father's Day. I didn't do anything for my STBXW for either Mother's Day or her birthday. This weekend I had both my step and bio daughters which was really nice. This was the first time my step daughter (my stbxw's daughter from a previous marriage that I've raised as my own these last 7 years) has seen the house really redone and got a chance to sleep in their new bunk beds.

Anyway, this morning she comes out of their room and says "Daddy, we got something for you." I was pleasantly surprised. From behind her back she gave me two Father's Day cards, one from her and one from my bio daughter. These weren't handmade, but real cards that were bought at a store. They were very cute and I was very happy to get them. My step daughter is very considerate, snd I am sure she mentioned to the stbxw that she wanted to get cards for me. But I'm rather surprised that she actually took them out and bought the cards to give me.

The sad thing is, I don't know if the feelings behind it are genuine, or if it's just a calculated ploy on her part to get me to lower my guard. Either way is irrelevant. I gave the thanks where it truly belongs, and that's to my daughters. I still treated my ex like a piece of furniture when she came to pick up the girls tonight. I have nothing left for her.
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