# what should i do? anyone?



## arg101 (Jun 19, 2011)

dont even know where to start, i just need someone elses opinion on the outside, its a bit long but youll be helping

well i met my husband 2 years ago when i was 22, while i was in college and had one more year to go to finish, however i ended up getting pregnant a few months into the relationship, now the thing is this man is an illegal immigrant bt i never felt he was with me for this reason in the beginning , myself and him always got on well when he was there, but he wasnt there much
the problems started the week before i found out i was pregnant a few of us went to a club and he ended up kissing another girl there i front of me, i threw him out blah blah he begged me nt too, sed it was a mistake... long story short i found out i was pregnant and we went back to normal
now in fairness to him this is the absolute worst but its a case of 'the straw that broke the camels back' to me, heres a few examples

.... went to prison (non criminal, based on the immigration status) but i visited him everyday and stayed at home by myself the rest of the time

....caught him writing to girls on a dating website, which he sed was done to make me jelous

....he has also sed really scary things to me, before he told me that his ex girlfriend couldnt have babies and that he was goin to take mine and ilev with her, like was pregnant then

like i cant really explain, i just thing ive put up with a lot in 2 short years and that i dont get enough in return, fair enough i did throw it back alot in his face in the beginning but i explained it was going to be hard for me to get over
ive probably made him sound like the devil now but 90% of the time hes great, in the past he was stupid and cruel but i stayed for my son, any fights now are my fault as i feel so hurt about the past and it makes me bitter and cold towards him

the other day we had a huge fight and he went to stay with a friend to give us both space, but hes coming over tomorrow to see his son and to talk

i do love him and i do want us to be together but everytime i start a fight with him i tell him that i dont love him and that i hate him but i know this is just some sort of defense mechanism and i cant stop myself, i think im trying to hurt him for all the hurt he gave me? i dont know

sorry for goin on, any advice? should we stay seperated?
hes an amazing father and would be an amzing husband if i could let him and learn to trust him again but is he worth trusting? anyone?


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

arg101 said:


> i do love him and i do want us to be together but everytime i start a fight with him i tell him that i dont love him and that i hate him but i know this is just some sort of defense mechanism and i cant stop myself, i think im trying to hurt him for all the hurt he gave me? i dont know
> 
> sorry for goin on, any advice? should we stay seperated?
> hes an amazing father and would be an amzing husband if i could let him and learn to trust him again but is he worth trusting? anyone?


You're dreaming if you think this is a potentially good relationship.

It's the definition of bad. He cheats, he lies, is deceptive about his immigration status/work/etc.

There is nothing that says trustworthy in your description of him.

And your use of the word "amazing", is well, amazing!


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

2 reasonable choices.

1) Cut off all contact with him and put the kid up for adoption.

2) Cut off all contact with him and raise the kid yourself

He doesn't sound suitable to be in the child's life - at all.


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