# Husband doesn't want a second baby



## claire_f_992 (Jun 29, 2021)

Hi, looking for others who may have been in my position...

I have been married for 7 years and we have a 2 year old. Before we got pregnant my husband said he only wanted one child, he said one will be hard enough. And he was right. Our son had colic, wasn't (and still isn't) a great sleeper and is full on from the moment he wakes to the moment he sleeps. It was a massive adjustment period for us as I know it is for most couples. And throwing the pandemic into the mix it's been tough.

I always thought he would change his mind, once we had one and he knew how much he loved him. But he is still very much adamant we are done and our son will be an only child. He knows I would like another at some point (maybe 1-2 years time) but isn't interested in discussing or even entertaining the idea. 

I do not have any great desire to do the pregnancy / breastfeeding / newborn stage again. I found it challenging and overwhelming. But I would like to do it all again to give my son a sibling and grow our family. My husband knows these are my reasons. 

I am from a big family. And I can't imagine my life growing up as a child without my siblings. My husband has one sibling and although I think they were close as children they aren't particularly close now. I don't want my son to grow up in a house where he is the only child, and growing up feeling a burden on him as he has no siblings to share the responsibility of elderly parents. 

I worry that I will grow to resent my husband as the years pass by and I don't want that to happen. Equally I don't want to force him to have a second child if it will make him miserable. 

Has anyone been in my position that can offer any advice? 

Thanks in advance x


----------



## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

did you talk about this before you got married ? did you even want children before having the first , 
if he stated that he did not before and you wanted then you have to make the choose stay or go 
thinking you can change him on something like this or trick him is going to push him away , 

,


----------



## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Your husband told you, before you had any children, that he only wanted one. HE TOLD YOU. 

If that wasn't going to work for you, you should have divorced and found someone else to create a family with. You didn't. You chose to plunge ahead.

What's even the issue, now?

You knew his stance.


----------



## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Livvie said:


> Your husband told you, before you had any children, that he only wanted one. HE TOLD YOU.
> 
> If that wasn't going to work for you, you should have divorced and found someone else to create a family with. You didn't. You chose to plunge ahead.
> 
> ...


Yep, I have nothing more to add.


----------



## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Oh dear... I don't have any advice, but I feel for you. Unfortunately, you made a big mistake and you won't have a second child unless you leave your husband. You will have to decide what's more important: having a second child or your husband. Maybe some counselling would help.


----------



## Quad73 (May 10, 2021)

Livvie said:


> Your husband told you, before you had any children, that he only wanted one. HE TOLD YOU.
> 
> If that wasn't going to work for you, you should have divorced and found someone else to create a family with. You didn't. You chose to plunge ahead.
> 
> ...


This ^^^


He literally said 1 max up front. He was honest with you so you could decide. 

Consciously or not, you refused to believe he was telling you the truth. 

You hid your truth from him by not telling him your plans to convert him to have more. 

Now you resent him for the consequences of your unspoken dreams meeting his truth. 

Unless there's more to this story, your problem seems to have been 100% created by you.


----------



## claire_f_992 (Jun 29, 2021)

Wow, wasn't expecting the hostility. 

I appreciate the situation is created by myself I was just asking if anyone else had been in my position. Doesn't seem like anyone who replied has. 

Thanks anyway.


----------



## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

claire_f_992 said:


> Wow, wasn't expecting the hostility.
> 
> I appreciate the situation is created by myself I was just asking if anyone else had been in my position. Doesn't seem like anyone who replied has.
> 
> Thanks anyway.


I don't think I was hostile... what if you were honest with you husband and told him that you might have to leave him? That you've made a mistake?


----------



## claire_f_992 (Jun 29, 2021)

Sorry 'In Absentia' yours was the only comment which wasn't. I won't leave my husband, he has done nothing wrong and I love him very much. I was really just looking to see if anyone had been in my position in the past and had any words or advice or comfort.


----------



## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

claire_f_992 said:


> Sorry 'In Absentia' yours was the only comment which wasn't. I won't leave my husband, he has done nothing wrong and I love him very much. I was really just looking to see if anyone had been in my position in the past and had any words or advice or comfort.


Yes, I understand... I haven't been in that position. Who knows? He might change his mind after all? You've been through a very difficult time. I'm not surprised he is not thinking about another one right now. Maybe in the future?


----------



## coquille (May 8, 2018)

claire_f_992 said:


> Wow, wasn't expecting the hostility.
> 
> I appreciate the situation is created by myself I was just asking if anyone else had been in my position. Doesn't seem like anyone who replied has.
> 
> Thanks anyway.


So many people get married thinking that they will change the spouse. It's a very wrong assumption and it is recipe for failure. When you marry someone, you decide to accept this person as they are. Some people want more children once they experience motherhood or fatherhood, but most people won't. They set their mind and they make it clear that they won't change, but the other partner continues to hope for change. You set yourself for disappointment. I have not been in your situation, but hopefully somebody who was will offer help here. I'm a university professor, and I always discuss this subject with my students, and a lot of them LOVE growing up the only child. A small number miss the social aspect, but most love the attention they get from their parents. If you have family around, then your kid will have a lot of cousins to spend time with. If family is not around, make a conscious effort to help your kid have a lot of friends. Make sure that you and your husband prepare well your retirement so that your child doesn't have to carry a big burden on his own.


----------



## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

deleted due to hostile nature and since I haven’t experienced wanting another child with a person who doesn’t wAnt more.


----------



## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Evinrude58 said:


> the guy was straight up honest with you and instead of being happy with what you have, you want to totally change your husband’s life. It’s selfish and you want to disconnect your own selfishness by pretending the one you have needs siblings and this and that. No, YOU want another baby For YOU. Just admit it. Heck, there’s not a thing wrong with that.
> But you agreed to one. You have one. You admit the one has been tough.
> What you’re wanting is unfair to your husband.
> 
> ...


I think after this the OP will be leaving us.


----------



## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

sorry if I hurt you just trying to be honest 


claire_f_992 said:


> Wow, wasn't expecting the hostility.
> 
> I appreciate the situation is created by myself I was just asking if anyone else had been in my position. Doesn't seem like anyone who replied has.
> 
> Thanks anyway.


----------



## Benbutton (Oct 3, 2019)

claire_f_992 said:


> I worry that I will grow to resent my husband as the years pass by and I don't want that to happen. Equally I don't want to force him to have a second child if it will make him miserable.


Not only could he resent you for pushing another child, but he may resent you for becoming resentful towards him for not wanting another child. Just be mindful of the fact that he was honest with you if you value your marriage and family.


----------



## Benbutton (Oct 3, 2019)

In Absentia said:


> I think after this the OP will be leaving us.


Oh well.


----------



## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

In Absentia said:


> I think after this the OP will be leaving us.


So you quoted it? Pure genius.


----------



## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Right, anyone highlighting the truth is "hostile". I feel badly for the husband.


----------



## This_Is_Me (Mar 24, 2021)

Not agreeing on family size can be very difficult. I am sorry you are facing this problem. 

You may want to consider tabling the topic for right now. It is a high stress topic for some families. You can let your partner know you understand their position and that you would like to revisit the topic in a year or two. You’re in the thick of raising a young child and are dealing with all the stresses (financial, emotional, time, etc.) and joys that come with it.

You may also want to use some of that time to prepare yourself for the very real possibility that your partner may never want another child. There are many positive aspects to being an only child or being parents to an only child. It is worth thinking about the benefits. There may be more time to pursue individual interests, more opportunities to travel, etc. While you have concerns, you and your partner can work together to mitigate them. You can prioritize establishing social support for your child through friends, extended family, etc. You can also prioritize retirement savings and plan things such as wills, trusts, medical directives, long-term care, insurance, etc. to reduce the burden of later in life issues.

I understand nothing replaces the longing for another child. Still, I would try to open your heart to the idea that your family of three is great as is. Wishing you the best of luck!


----------



## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

This_Is_Me said:


> Not agreeing on family size can be very difficult. I am sorry you are facing this problem.
> 
> You may want to consider tabling the topic for right now. It is a high stress topic for some families. You can let your partner know you understand their position and that you would like to revisit the topic in a year or two. You’re in the thick of raising a young child and are dealing with all the stresses (financial, emotional, time, etc.) and joys that come with it.
> 
> ...


Revisit the topic? He let her know his stance before they had kids.

Revisit?

If I were him and she announced we would be revisiting a topic I made my stance clearly known on before we had a family, I'd be livid. Because it's completely disrespectful. What's to revisit?


----------



## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Evinrude58 said:


> So you quoted it? Pure genius.


I quoted it because of the tone of your post. It comes across very rude and unnecessary harsh. To British ears. But maybe it' a culture clash.


----------



## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

there is nothing wrong with wanting a second baby and nothing wrong bringing up the subject again , but don't make it a big deal as he was open and might never change his mind and it might get in on you


----------



## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

In Absentia said:


> I quoted it because of the tone of your post. It comes across very rude and unnecessary harsh. To British ears. But maybe it' a culture clash.


I agree and deleted it.
Just slap me next time instead of quoting it so I can’t erase it.😋


----------



## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

In Absentia said:


> I quoted it because of the tone of your post. It comes across very rude and unnecessary harsh. To British ears. But maybe it' a culture clash.


i like the way you say to british ears lol


----------



## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

claire_f_992 said:


> Hi, looking for others who may have been in my position...
> 
> I have been married for 7 years and we have a 2 year old. Before we got pregnant my husband said he only wanted one child, he said one will be hard enough. And he was right. Our son had colic, wasn't (and still isn't) a great sleeper and is full on from the moment he wakes to the moment he sleeps. It was a massive adjustment period for us as I know it is for most couples. And throwing the pandemic into the mix it's been tough.
> 
> ...


Not exactly in your position, but I am an only child. I grew up very happy in spite of not having any siblings. I had cousins and lots of friends, so I barely gave it any thought as a kid. On the flip side my wife is the youngest child in her family. She has 3 brothers and 3 sisters. There are some exceptions, but for the most part they have been nothing but a source of drama and frustration for her over the years. I think this is because they didn't really grow up under what I would call ideal conditions. So, my point is your son can all good and happy with or without siblings, so long as you bring him up in a loving home. As others have said, you knew where your husband stood on kids since before you were married. You can't, and don't seem to be, blame him for not wanting a second child. Maybe give it some more time. He may think otherwise once your son is a little older. But, if he doesn't, don't let it ruin your marriage and the family you do have.


----------



## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Evinrude58 said:


> I agree and deleted it.
> Just slap me next time instead of quoting it so I can’t erase it.😋


No problem. I'll do that...


----------



## This_Is_Me (Mar 24, 2021)

Livvie said:


> Revisit the topic? He let her know his stance before they had kids.
> 
> Revisit?
> 
> If I were him and she announced we would be revisiting a topic I made my stance clearly known on before we had a family, I'd be livid. Because it's completely disrespectful. What's to revisit?


I suppose we see things differently. I do not see expressing a desire to revisit such an important topic in a year or two to be overly burdensome.


----------



## re16 (Oct 9, 2012)

My wife and I agreed to three kids prior to marriage. We had two and she called it. I was very frustrated by this, because we had made an agreement.

This is somewhat the opposite of your situation, because it sounds like he was one all the time.

I know you are feeling people are being hostile toward you, but I think they are correct in that it probably was wishful thinking to think he'd change.

Marriages function on give and take and bargaining. You'd probably need to bring something major to the table to get him to agree to this. It really depends on how you interact and deal with the stress of one child also, if you are at all high stress dealing with your one child, you have a major uphill battle.


----------



## jjj858 (Jun 18, 2021)

I’ll give you a male perspective. My wife and I have been together about 9 years and married 4. We discussed early on the possibility of having kids. I was somewhat indifferent to the idea but at least open to it at a future date when we were more settled in our life. I had always said I was open to having 1.

Our son was born last year. I thought everything would be great. But it turned into her having ‘gender disappointment’. Unbeknownst to me she only wanted a girl. She was depressed for months after she gave birth. She hasn’t been mean or neglectful to our son at any point and she seems to have leveled out somewhat since last year. But she’s still made the desire to have a girl clear.

I told her we had never talked about having more than one. She told me she wanted one of each. I said well you never made that clear to me. She tells me if she doesn’t have a girl she will always be sad about it. During one fight last summer she even said she would leave me if I didn’t want to have another. Granted her hormones were out of whack right after childbirth and she says she didn’t mean that.

I said the same thing as your husband. It’s hard enough right now juggling work and everything with less sleep and less time for each other. I told her we need to focus on the child we have now.

With her it’s hard to know what to do. Her clock is ticking and she’s about to turn 37. We really can’t afford IVF right now either. It’s unfortunate I’m being put in this position when I already gave her the baby I thought she wanted and she never mentioned wanting to have more than one.


----------



## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

jjj858 said:


> I’ll give you a male perspective. My wife and I have been together about 9 years and married 4. We discussed early on the possibility of having kids. I was somewhat indifferent to the idea but at least open to it at a future date when we were more settled in our life. I had always said I was open to having 1.
> 
> Our son was born last year. I thought everything would be great. But it turned into her having ‘gender disappointment’. Unbeknownst to me she only wanted a girl. She was depressed for months after she gave birth. She hasn’t been mean or neglectful to our son at any point and she seems to have leveled out somewhat since last year. But she’s still made the desire to have a girl clear.
> 
> ...


Wow.


----------



## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Your child will be okay without a sibling as long as you don't homeschool them so that they have plenty of social opportunity. It doesn't seem like they make very good friends until they're about in the third grade but then they start bonding with friends. They will learn like dogs learn from a pack from other children who will correct their social rough spots so it is important they have other children around. But today most people have their kids in daycare before they even go to real school and then as long as they're in a real school and he has a dog or some good companion to play with at home, he'll be fine.

You know I have an older sister but she was 7 years older and was never a good companion to me until I was full grown because she was too much older and was just mean and didn't include me and so I just pestered her and was a pain to her. Siblings don't always get along!

You might approach your husband and see if he would want to adopt and older child so you don't have to go through babyhood again but he just doesn't sound like he wants them and really you should never push kids off on anyone who doesn't want them because that's just not going to be their focus.


----------



## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Everyone's situation is unique of course so I can only share my experience.

My mom passed last year and I'm so thankful I had my sister during my mom's illness, and she was equally thankful for me.

My ex had one child and I can tell you that she was quite unhappy about the prospect of having to shoulder the burden of both of her parents alone. Ironically both of her parents had siblings so neither had to shoulder their own parents alone.

I have 2 kids and I'm thankful every day they have each other. Their dad was ambivalent about having a second but he wouldn't trade him for anything now, and they actually just made a long distance trip together.

But you certainly shouldn't force someone to have kids they don't want.

On a side note I really wish more posters would think about what they want to accomplish with their posts. I know I can be as blunt as anyone here but this poster has basically been told she's selfish and to **** off, so I can pretty much guarantee she's not been helped and won't be back.

TAM is supposed to provide help. Granted sometimes 2x4's are needed but this really wasn't one of those times. She wasn't going to force anything...she's trying to come to terms with her feelings.


----------



## jjj858 (Jun 18, 2021)

I should also add to my post that I think it’s unfair to me to be pressured about having a second kid when I’ve been a good and supportive husband and an attentive father to our baby. It would also be crazy if she left me and our nice little family we have just to satisfy some unreasonable idea about having to have a girl. It’s not like having a girl would be guaranteed with anyone else either. I don’t think she will leave or do anything like that but it’s definitely caused friction in the relationship. 

I think with your husband maybe you should let this issue rest for a bit. Maybe revisit in 6 months to a year when things level out a bit with your life. He may just be stressed now. When you do bring it up again make sure it’s not in the middle of an argument or heated discussion when emotions are running high. 

I always thought I only wanted one kid max. But my wife has also mentioned some of the same things you did about being worried about your child being alone as an adult and not having a sibling to lean on. We have a small family with only a handful of aging relatives for the most part already so I do see it as a real concern now. Basically I’m looking at it now as yes having another child would be hard, but maybe it’s better for my son in the long run.

For me right now the issue isn’t really about having another kid. I’m more open to it. It’s the idea of the kid having to be a girl. But that’s a whole other issue I know.


----------



## claire_f_992 (Jun 29, 2021)

Thank you for the replies and the different perspectives, I really do appreciate it and it’s given me some things to think about.

It is clear that there are some people on this forum that are just after getting a rise out of people and are gunning for an argument. Being aggressive and abusive. Thankfully I have tough skin, and I realise that the abuse you hurl is about you not me. Unfortunately there will be vulnerable people on here looking for support and advice, I hope to god that they are not met by some of the posters on this thread.

Thanks again to those who posted advice and life experiences! 

And JJJ585, I am so sorry for what you are going through with your wife. I know gender disappointment is a real condition and can cause lots of mental health issues. I wish you all the best and I hope you and your family find happiness in your future decisions.


----------



## NTA (Mar 28, 2021)

Coming firm a large family yourself, do you think your son will have a few cousins around his age? Especially if your siblings get pregnant in the next 2 years.

I have two friends who are only child's in their family. One now is a board certified medical specialist (Dr.). After both her parents died, my mother "adopted" her. My Mother says that in about all of our child hood photos, she's in may of them. You may want to cultivate relationships with your nieces and newphews.

There is no telling whether the two siblings will get along well enough. Or whether you and their father will be able to refrain from raw, exposed favoritism. It usually happens in larger families. But I have also read that in smaller families it can also happen.


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

claire_f_992 said:


> Wow, wasn't expecting the hostility.
> 
> I appreciate the situation is created by myself I was just asking if anyone else had been in my position. Doesn't seem like anyone who replied has.
> 
> Thanks anyway.


Claire, did you both talk about children before you married? What were his and your thoughts then? If he agreed on more than one before you married and then changed his mind after wards, then he did marry you under false pretenses.
I have one brother and a far far younger half brother, I always wanted more siblings as I grew up. I would have loved one or more sisters at least, so I get where you are coming from.
I always wanted children, two was our original thought but I ended up with three and no regrets at all. I would have been very sad if I was forced to settle for one, I wanted my child to have siblings as you do.


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

claire_f_992 said:


> Thank you for the replies and the different perspectives, I really do appreciate it and it’s given me some things to think about.
> 
> It is clear that there are some people on this forum that are just after getting a rise out of people and are gunning for an argument. Being aggressive and abusive. Thankfully I have tough skin, and I realise that the abuse you hurl is about you not me. Unfortunately there will be vulnerable people on here looking for support and advice, I hope to god that they are not met by some of the posters on this thread.
> 
> ...


Yes there are some here like that, try and rise above it.


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

jjj858 said:


> I’ll give you a male perspective. My wife and I have been together about 9 years and married 4. We discussed early on the possibility of having kids. I was somewhat indifferent to the idea but at least open to it at a future date when we were more settled in our life. I had always said I was open to having 1.
> 
> Our son was born last year. I thought everything would be great. But it turned into her having ‘gender disappointment’. Unbeknownst to me she only wanted a girl. She was depressed for months after she gave birth. She hasn’t been mean or neglectful to our son at any point and she seems to have leveled out somewhat since last year. But she’s still made the desire to have a girl clear.
> 
> ...


Thats really sad. I hope she never lets your son know that she really wanted a girl because that is so damaging to the child, it happened to someone I know. Also if you did have another baby it could be another boy.


----------



## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

claire_f_992 said:


> Before we got pregnant my husband said he only wanted one child


This is the beginning, middle, and end of everything that needs to be said.


----------



## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

I constantly hear and read about people getting into all kind of arrangements as to kids or not kids. For some reason I have had the opportunity to meet, be friend with, even have some relatives, my first wife, all people that are "only child" my take from most but not all of these people is that they feel it, say it or just inwardly wish it, and all that make them sad at various stages of their life to various degree dependent on the person; that they would love to have had a brother/sister. Take my ex wife for example; I actually saw her a few times having melancholic moments and stay there until it passes. All of it because she wished she had a sibling.

Is fine if both partners agreed to no children, but when "yes" to children is agreed, they should also think of the repercussions when deciding "one child only". the responsible and unselfish thing to do is if they are going to have children, then two should be the "standard". this give the children a more emotional and behavioral overall roundness to their upbringing. not that " an only child' cannot have a well rounded emotional and behavioral upbringing, but regardless of it, most do feel something missing in their life because of no siblings. Another point I have observed is a percentage of them are maybe selfish is not the correct word, but egocentrics to various degree. Some of them can't relate to sharing at all. 

So to all of you that think of having a child think of the possible ramifications of having just one child might mean in the long run to that child.

from an evolutionary point of view that's not how we humans evolved. We evolved having as many as possible to guarantee that at least a couple of them might survive. So most of us humans have that need to relate to others of our own blood. A lot of humans don't feel the need for multiple children anymore (but the drive is there), because of overpopulation, tough economical situations for having children in a highly well established economical power (it's extremely expensive to have children in the most developed countries around the world) and little time to take care of them for a lot of people. Yeah, first world countries problems!! while underdeveloped countries don't have this problem, as a matter of fact in some of them they need children to help with the survival of the family.


----------



## nypsychnurse (Jan 13, 2019)

You are projecting your feelings onto your child. Don't do that.
Words of comfort: You will be able to give your one child ALL of your $$, time and attention. 
You will be able to focus solely on your husband and your child (your family.) 
You will have opportunities to have a life outside of a career and family.

Sent from my SM-N920V using Tapatalk


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Mr.Married said:


> This is the beginning, middle, and end of everything that needs to be said.


No mention of before they agreed to marriage.


----------



## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

I’m an only child. I’ve never regretted not having a sibling. My husband had several siblings and he wasn’t close to any of them. Everyone is different.


----------



## theloveofmylife (Jan 5, 2021)

People here don't mince words. Even though sometimes it comes off as harsh, there is usually something worth thinking through at least. 

You probably won't like what I have to say either, but I hope you'll consider it if applicable. You say it's been 'tough', so honest question not 'abuse' toward you - is your child spoiled? He sounds like a handful. If so, I'd suggest learning some parenting techniques that include boundaries for the child. Don't let him rule the home/family or be a 'brat', because of course your husband wouldn't want to do that all over again. 

Good luck.


----------



## NTA (Mar 28, 2021)

It only takes one child to become a parent.


----------



## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

jjj858 said:


> But my wife has also mentioned some of the same things you did about being worried about your child being alone as an adult and not having a sibling to lean on. We have a small family with only a handful of aging relatives for the most part already so I do see it as a real concern now. Basically I’m looking at it now as yes having another child would be hard, but maybe it’s better for my son in the long run.


Eh, siblings are overrated. I have 2. Both younger. Both grew up to be huge disappointments. My brother is a complete ass. And that's the nicest thing I can say about him. I went no contact almost a year ago now. My sister is a tramp and a lush. I speak to her a few times a year at best. 

Basically, I had siblings and am now facing aging and all that comes with it alone anyway. Sibs are no guarantee. Additionally, sometimes they are a burden.


----------



## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

Wonder if she does come up pregnant again, is he going to want the pregnancy aborted?


----------



## NTA (Mar 28, 2021)

I did read in a Q&A column that a mother is struggling with her daughter's (mostly mental) services that she is paying for. So much so that she is missing out on contributing to her retirement funds.


----------



## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

there was 5 of us in it my sister is close and one brother , one brother as far as I go he is a stranger I have not talked to him with 20 years never went to his mothers funereal and the other is holding the fact that mother and father did not give him everything and he is the youngest 


MJJEAN said:


> Eh, siblings are overrated. I have 2. Both younger. Both grew up to be huge disappointments. My brother is a complete ass. And that's the nicest thing I can say about him. I went no contact almost a year ago now. My sister is a tramp and a lush. I speak to her a few times a year at best.
> 
> Basically, I had siblings and am now facing aging and all that comes with it alone anyway. Sibs are no guarantee. Additionally, sometimes they are a burden.


----------



## CatholicDad (Oct 30, 2017)

I was fearful of another failed pregnancy but my wife basically offered herself to me one day when she’d hit her peak fertility. Fool that I am I accepted her offer joyously and the result was the apple of my eye- beautiful little toddler daughter that I cherish every second with today.

Sometimes when afraid... men may need a little push. Lol


----------



## Al_Bundy (Mar 14, 2021)

I think some of the "hostile" remarks are because we always hear about guys not communicating. Yet here a guy is honest and clear about what he wants and he still can't win.


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Al_Bundy said:


> I think some of the "hostile" remarks are because we always hear about guys not communicating. Yet here a guy is honest and clear about what he wants and he still can't win.


I woud still like to know what was discussed before they married. If he said he wanted 2 or more then and after they married said only one, that is very hard. If he always said he only wanted one back then that is different. I wouldnt have married a man who said he only wanted one child.


----------



## DudeInProgress (Jun 10, 2019)

I get that some people don’t want children, and that’s fine. As long as it’s discussed and agreed on ahead of time.

But I really don’t understand why some people are so set on only one, especially if it’s important to their spouse.
“I only want one child and that’s it, no further discussion” seems a bit closed minded and unreasonable. Sure, no one should be forced to have more children if they don’t want them, but it’s really not that hard to go from 1 to 2. Especially if it’s very important to your spouse. 

I just don’t get it. I guess it’s a bigger deal to some people that have a much stronger, committed vision/image of an exact family/child dynamic set In their minds.


----------



## Luckylucky (Dec 11, 2020)

First of all, defensive and calling people hostile - these types of people concern me. So I do have concerns for your husband and child, as well as future child if you do go there. If you want to be heard, you must learn to listen.

Your husband hasn’t been heard, but you want him to listen. You should get some help for this.

Moving on, I have been in this position, except I was the one that wanted only one child. I won’t say much more.


----------



## Yoni (Feb 7, 2021)

I don't want second one but my husband want two children it's really difficult for choose as a couple.
I understand you and I understand your husband as well.


----------



## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

DudeInProgress said:


> I get that some people don’t want children, and that’s fine. As long as it’s discussed and agreed on ahead of time.
> 
> But I really don’t understand why some people are so set on only one, especially if it’s important to their spouse.
> “I only want one child and that’s it, no further discussion” seems a bit closed minded and unreasonable. Sure, no one should be forced to have more children if they don’t want them, but it’s really not that hard to go from 1 to 2. Especially if it’s very important to your spouse.
> ...


and people can't have everything they want a good friend got married and when they could not have children it was very hard for her to take , and another friend wanted 2 they had 1 and had triplets second


----------

