# How do you tell the kids? 3 & 5 year old.



## I want the kids! (Apr 17, 2012)

Any pointers? Since we all still live together we haven't said anythink yet.


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## one_strange_otter (Aug 26, 2008)

I can tell you exactly what I said to my 11, 8 and 4 year old.

"Kids, you know your mom and me love you very much. But you need to understand that this summer some things will be changing. Your mother and I will be separating and moving into separate houses. This does not mean that we are no longer a family. She will always be your mother, I will always be your father and we will always love you no matter what."

The counselor approved with a smile. We actually attended "divorce counseling" for a few sessions and then brought the kids in for the last appointment and told them all at the same time. It felt better being in neutral environment. None of them have seemingly been very bothered with the entire notion of divorce.


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## papa5280 (Oct 12, 2011)

I want the kids! said:


> Any pointers? Since we all still live together we haven't said anythink yet.


Really? Mom and the kids are doing nude body art with the OM and the kids think everything is hunky dory?


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## coachman (Jan 31, 2012)

Same boat... kids are 4 & 6 and will be telling them in the next couple weeks. 

Been dreading it for 5 months.


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## njdad (Mar 29, 2012)

Told our kids (6 & 10) last week. Six year old clearly understood some of it, but not all of it. It was like he didn't want to think about it too much, for fear of realizing what was really happening. So, he kind of just goofed off. It was bizarre. Ten year old cried for an hour. She finally calmed down, but then it was like she was shell-shocked for the rest of the day. I worry about them both; hell of a thing to do to two great kids.


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## sd212 (Feb 24, 2012)

I took this extremely seriously and it was one of the biggest moments of my life to date. My x couldn't have cared less. I posted about it here, let me find that...


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## UpnDown (May 4, 2012)

Stbxw wanted to play it off as 'hey, you guys will get to spent a lot of time at grandma and grandpas' (she moved back with her parents).

Of course my daughter just loved the idea (6), my son didn't really know what was going on (4). Apparently the next day my daughter started to freak out about it while at stbxw place.

Stbxw thinks the kids will be JUST FINE because they are young. She's a dumb bad 4 letter word starting with C.

Just tonight I had to field tons of questions from my daughter about why mom isn't living here anymore .. the kids have also had it easy (if I can even say that) because I took 3 months off work (stbxw hates it) to help ease the kids into the transition.

Starting in July my cousin will be acting as a daycare for us, while I work evenings I am still able to go see the children during the morning / early afternoon then I go to work. I plan on doing so every single day when it's not 'my weeks'.

But starting Sept the time they see me will be cut drastically... not looking forward to that because I know it will be hard on them.

Weeeee!


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## sd212 (Feb 24, 2012)

Well I can't find it but basically I was fighting back tears the whole time and she was very whatever. They were 2 and 4 at the time.

We waited till she had her new place and then, together, in the living room of her place sat them down and said mommy would be living here now. They didn't think much of it until we told them that they would have a new room. They were excited about that. We went to their new room and hung some stuff on the walls together, made the beds, etc. They had alot of fun w/ it making it their own.

I had alot rehearsed on "mommy and daddy love you" and that kind of stuff but they didn't even pay attention to it. Again, they are very young though and I expect that it will be a thing that comes up year after year.

My X will likely be shacking up soon so that will change things drastically for them I'm sure. I have a solid IC who has a ton of experience with this stuff so I plan to prepare with her ahead of time. 

I would say the best thing was that we were able to do it together and show them there was no hostility.


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## Mothra777 (Apr 10, 2012)

It's one of the toughest things to do in this whole process. I have a 7 year old boy and I will never forget the look in his eye when we told him. One of confusion, anger and sadness all rolled into one.

It definitely needs to be done with both parents present and the best thing to do when they are young is to keep it simple and to the point and have a strong emphasis that the both of you still love them very much. I would not go into any specifics for the reasons behind the separation other than you both no longer love each other like a husband and wife (tricky that one as it felt it was only a half truth as I still loved my wife at the time).

Be prepared for questions and be ready to let them know who will be living where, when it will happen. What the days they will be with whom etc. My son was very concerned about where the dogs would live if we had two houses 

All the best with it.


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