# Would pushing my wife to a dermatologist damage her self esteem?



## Captain (Jan 28, 2014)

Let me start by saying my wife's a beauty. Genuinely, and I think objectively, she's a really good looking gal. 

However, after we got married she had, out of the blue, got a severe case of Acne, and it just won't go away, it's been on going for nearly 2 and a half years now. And yes, it bothers her. It doesn't bother me so much, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't want it to go back to how it was. 

It's been two years and although she's tried a lot to bring it down, somewhat successfully, she's never really taken my advice and gone for regular facials or other acne treatments. I'm now thinking of pushing her to go and see a dermatologist, regardless of the cost. What I'm worried about is how she'd feel about it if I actively encourage her to go. I want to restore her self esteem not damage it further... thoughts?


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## MSP (Feb 9, 2012)

Captain said:


> However, after we got married she had, out of the blue, got a severe case of Acne, and it just won't go away . . . she's never really taken my advice and gone for regular facials or other acne treatments.


I'm sure it's hormonal in nature. Is she on birth control? Actually, even just regular sex can change your hormones. If this is what it is, it is something that is best addressed internally, rather than externally with facials.


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## Captain (Jan 28, 2014)

MSP said:


> I'm sure it's hormonal in nature. Is she on birth control? Actually, even just regular sex can change your hormones. If this is what it is, it is something that is best addressed internally, rather than externally with facials.


That's what I thought but it's been two and a half years and she's gone through all the variations without much success. I think it's actually to do with the facts that she has Polycystic Ovary Syndrome. Not sure if that means treatments will be ineffective but that's why I want her to go to a dermatologist to find out.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Pushing her "actively" is likely to cause issues. Suggesting kindly, supporting her, etc... Not so likely to cause issues. It all depends on the approach.

C


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

If she's tried other things I think seeing a dermatologist is the next logical step.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 45188 (Sep 13, 2012)

ENCOURAGE her to see one, don't push her to see one.


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

" Honey, it pains me to see you stressing about your skin, why don't you see a doctor about it"
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## syhoybenden (Feb 21, 2013)

mablenc said:


> " Honey, it pains me to see you stressing about your skin, why don't you see a doctor about it"
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:iagree:
"Before you end up with permanent scarring."


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

Captain said:


> That's what I thought but it's been two and a half years and she's gone through all the variations without much success. I think it's actually to do with the facts that she has Polycystic Ovary Syndrome. Not sure if that means treatments will be ineffective but that's why I want her to go to a dermatologist to find out.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Does she see an endocrinologist about her PCOS? If she doesn't then she should. She should also buy this book to help her manage her diet which will also improve her skin.

The PCOS Workbook: Your Guide to Complete Physical and Emotional Health

I think if you copy and paste that into google it will pull up the book. There are also pcos cookbooks too. 

If she hasn't already she needs to cut down on her sugar and carbs immediately. Not cut out completely but lower the intake.She also needs to start linking her carbs with high protein things. If she eats carbs she must balance it with a high protein item.

Also,while washing her face won't keep the cystic acne from forming it will cut down on the more superficial blemishes. I use plain old Dove exfoliating bar soap day and night. She can't forget to moisturize too! I know it sounds counterproductive but the soap will cleanse and dry her skin.Then her already overactive oil glands will work double if she doesn't immediately put lotion on her face after washing. As far as lotions are concerned,I've been doing pretty well with Origins Mimosa Starting Over face cream. But if that's too heavy for her in the summer she can switch to a lighter oil free product. 

LOTS of water throughout the day too. For PCOS issues I can't stress enough how important hydration is for the skin.

If she really has a terrible blemish area her last resort can be spot treatment with this stuff: Acne Free Terminator 10. She can buy it at walmart or most grocery stores. That stuff works like you wouldn't believe. But it should definitely be used sparingly.

Sorry for the novel LOL I hope it helps.


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## committed4ever (Nov 13, 2012)

As to whether or not it will hurt her self esteem -- it depends on your relationship past and present. If you have overall been supporting, encouraging, and complimenting, and if she doesn't already have a self esteem problem, it most likely will not harm her.

Because of the way I am treated by my H he really can talk to me and urge me to do most anything that someone else might consider insulting because of how he has treated me in our relationship. I know he have my back and only have my best interest at heart.


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## Philat (Sep 12, 2013)

Since she's made it clear to you that it bothers her, a suggestion to see the dermatologist is not out of line (in the context of "this might help get rid of what's troubling you"). In fact, anyone who falls into a skin cancer risk category (age, skin type, sun exposure, etc.) should see a dermatologist regularly anyway. If you and she fall into this category (sounds like you are young, though) maybe you could go together.


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## P51Geo1980 (Sep 25, 2013)

Considering she is aware of it and actively trying to remedy it, suggesting she go to a dermatologist is a good idea.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

I don't think it's damaging at all. 

Tell her you found a cool dermatologist that may help out with her skin.


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## perfectstranger (Aug 14, 2010)

Skin problems can be especially embarrassing, even to seek help for. If my skin were to flair up now, as a married adult, the most helpful, least upsetting thing my husband could do for me would be to call and make the appointment for me with a dermatologist or, even better, a series of regularly scheduled facials with a qualified professional.

These things are not inexpensive and, to me, it would feel selfish to spend our money on my face. Especially because acne can begin to feel like a personal failing.

Years ago I had problems with adult acne about the same time I took a job that involved a significant amount of on-camera work. It was humiliating. For me, a wonderful aesthetician got better results with less invasive fixes than the dermatologist. YMMV.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

perfectstranger said:


> These things are not inexpensive and, to me, it would feel selfish to spend our money on my face. Especially because acne can begin to feel like a personal failing.
> 
> Years ago I had problems with adult acne about the same time I took a job that involved a significant amount of on-camera work. For me, a wonderful aesthetician got better results with less invasive fixes than the dermatologist. YMMV.


Interesting. I wouldn't feel "selfish" at all going to a dermatologist about skin. It's all about improving your skin. Dermatologists can do some great things.

Wha did the aesthetician do?


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

Jellybeans said:


> Interesting. I wouldn't feel "selfish" at all going to a dermatologist about skin. It's all about improving your skin. Dermatologists can do some great things.
> 
> Wha did the aesthetician do?


I don't think it's selfish at all, plus most insurance cover visits and treatment.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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