# Does anyone know



## Football fan (Dec 15, 2014)

Anything about a website called Linked In ? Can it be used as an online chatting site, or link to other accounts like Facebook ? 

The reason I am asking this is that I noticed a link to it in the history on our computer. I didnt say anything to my wife about it. This morning I walked in on her and she changed the screen really fast. I did see that it was the log on page to this site though. 

I haven't said anything to her yet. She has been acting very suspicious lately. This is a new site in the history. I dont know anything about it. Or even where to start looking because Im not a tech guy. My wife knows this.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Football fan said:


> Anything about a website called Linked In ? Can it be used as an online chatting site, or link to other accounts like Facebook ?
> 
> The reason I am asking this is that I noticed a link to it in the history on our computer. I didnt say anything to my wife about it. This morning I walked in on her and she changed the screen really fast. I did see that it was the log on page to this site though.
> 
> I haven't said anything to her yet. She has been acting very suspicious lately. This is a new site in the history. I dont know anything about it. Or even where to start looking because Im not a tech guy. My wife knows this.


LinkedIn is somewhat similar to Facebook, but the focus is on social networking for the purposes of maintaining and creating new professional (vs personal) relationships. Think of it as a sort of online resume. Having said that, _it is *entirely possible* to use LinkedIn for inappropriate purposes_, especially via the built-in messaging feature (similar to FB messaging).

What sorts of red flags are you seeing in your wife's recent behavior that has you suspicious?


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## Football fan (Dec 15, 2014)

The other day she was on her cell phone and I walked over to give her a kiss. When I bent down, she turned the phone away so I couldn't see what she was doing. 

She said she was sending her sister a text. If that's the case why did she turn the phone away so I couldn't see it ? 

I also saw a "Welcome to Facebook" notice in the history. She already has an account that I know of. I'm thinking she could have created another one.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

You made the right choice in not confronting her.

Continue to gather more info by GPS, keylogger, and VAR (voice activated recorder). VAR work great when planted in her car.

If your lucky you will find out this all has nothing to do with infidelity and you are getting a great Christmas present.

You have every right to be informed and protect your self from being betrayed.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

As long as you continue to act normal she won't go under ground. Right know it appears she is taking some risks. So the more comfortable she is in taking the risks the easier it will be to get to the bottom of this.


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## Football fan (Dec 15, 2014)

It's awfully hard not to confront her. She is famous for deleting the history off the computer and her cell phone. I noticed on Google Chrome in the history today that there was a message asking her to confirm her login info for Gmail.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Right now you are gathering evidence and this is a great place for support. Check out Wieghtlifters thread

The next step would be confronting...again before you do that you will want to make a plan and come here to get the support.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Well, assuming that she is indeed up to no good, the very first thing that you need to do is to stop acting suspicious of her, as this will only drive her to go about it in a much more careful and deliberate manner.

Next, get the phone bill. You should be able to use it to see who she's been texting, calling, etc. That is, of course, unless she's been using something like iMessage, SnapChat, WhatsApp, Viber, etc to communicate w/ whoever. Either way, you should be able to log into your provider's online portal in order to look at the records.

And, since (by your own admission) you're not a techie, I'll issue this warning -- remember to log out of this website AND to delete your browser history, passwords, cookies, etc... lest YOU get caught.

What kind of phone does she have? What kind of phone do you have?

What kind of PC does she use (Mac OS X, Windows, Linux, etc)? Does she use a tablet of any kind?

Also, and I just want to put this out there... You do realize that we're neck-deep in the holiday shopping season, right? It could be that she's talking w/ her sister (or whoever) about whatever it is that she's bought for you or is planning to buy for you, and she just doesn't want you to to see it.

I'm not saying that she's NOT up to no good (man... how f*cked up is it to say that?!?), but I figured it was worth mentioning. And hopefully that's all it is. Either way, for now just keep your eyes open... and your mouth shut.


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## tulsy (Nov 30, 2012)

Football fan said:


> It's awfully hard not to confront her. She is famous for deleting the history off the computer and her cell phone. I noticed on Google Chrome in the history today that there was a message asking her to confirm her login info for Gmail.


Get a keylogger for the PC.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Football fan said:


> It's awfully hard not to confront her. She is famous for deleting the history off the computer and her cell phone. I noticed on Google Chrome in the history today that there was a message asking her to confirm her login info for Gmail.


Trust us.....you confront now she will back off and regroup.

This could be an emotional affair, it could be a physical affair, she could have been seeing some one for months , she could have just met someone.

Who could it be...an ex boy friend, co worker...a good friend of yours.....your own father, maybe your brother, or sister???

My point is that being here this long I find anything is possible.

Trust us you need more intel to have an effective confrontation!


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

If there in infidelity in your marriage you don't want to confront her to soon.
The last thing you want is for her to think it was a close call, back off wait for things to cool off and start up again with the same person or later down the road to find someone new and with that a new way to hid it.

The objetive here is to have an effective confrontation so as to force your hand in her *getting help* to learn how to affair proof the marriage in the future.

At the very least you need a call log that show she is texting OM (other man) more then her own husband.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

If I was your old lady and you confronted me with the suspicious behavior I would just tell you I was planning a surprise for you.

Even if you hold out and get some proof of inappropreate texting or even sexting I would tell you "I was just joking" and "we are just friends"....

You really need more intel so at the very least you have something to confront her on IMHO.


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## Football fan (Dec 15, 2014)

I can't check the phone bill because we both use pre paid windows phones and I know she deletes messages she doesn't want me to see. The carrier we use doesn't keep track of texts or phone calls. I've checked. 

We have Windows but she rarely uses it. She does have a Kindle Fire and it is usually right beside her when she's home and she spends a lot of time on it. And her phone.

Yes, you're right. We are necks deeps in the middle of the Holiday Season, and I realize she could have been hiding her phone so I couldn't see what she was buying. I may be paranoid, but why would she try and hide the LinkedIn site from me ? If it's about resumes it seems like to me she would mention it so I could get involved. Hasn't said a word about that.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Trust your gut.

Keep up the research and you might find someone here that can help you out with the tec stuff.

Does she go out alot and come home late? If so the GPS would work well.

I still would plant the VAR in her car...cheater often find that their car is the only safe place to actually talk instead of texting.
For $60 its worth the investment


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

I busted my old lady when she came home drunk passed out and didn't delete her text. She slept with her cell under her pillow and I was able to pull it out by the charger.

My point is ...it's just a matter of time before cheaters screw up and you get what you need to have an effective confrontation.


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## Football fan (Dec 15, 2014)

She never goes out alone. I am always with her. She works an evening shift and usually gets home between 11:30-11:45. She's a charge nurse at a nursing home.

After coming home after one of her evening shifts, she immediately took off her scrubs and put them in the wash. She's never done that. I asked her why she was washing clothes so late at night and she said "I've got some new scrubs and I thought I would put this in with them before I wore them." 

Could have been totally innocent, I may have blown it by asking her why she was doing that. I don't know.


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## vellocet (Oct 18, 2013)

LinkedIn is supposed to be like an internet business card.

Its for professional networking connections.

Anyone who uses it for anything but is a f'ing idiot.


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## G.J. (Nov 4, 2014)

Lot of good advice coming down Football Fan

Follow it to the letter and in a few weeks no matter which way it goes you will glad you did

A lot of people come here too late, your in front at the minute


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Football fan said:


> I can't check the phone bill because we both use pre paid windows phones and I know she deletes messages she doesn't want me to see. The carrier we use doesn't keep track of texts or phone calls. I've checked.
> 
> We have Windows but she rarely uses it. She does have a Kindle Fire and it is usually right beside her when she's home and she spends a lot of time on it. And her phone.
> 
> Yes, you're right. We are necks deeps in the middle of the Holiday Season, and I realize she could have been hiding her phone so I couldn't see what she was buying. I may be paranoid, but why would she try and hide the LinkedIn site from me ? If it's about resumes it seems like to me she would mention it so I could get involved. Hasn't said a word about that.


For now I'd play it cool and see if the behavior persists through the holiday season. I have to say, though... if she did indeed open another e-mail address and/or FB account, that doesn't bode well.

Is there any history of infidelity in your marriage? What about your pre-marriage relationship?

Have there been any other times that you were suspicious of her behavior? If so, how long ago were they and what sort of red flags were you seeing at the time?

Do you know the password to unlock her phone and/or Kindle?


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## G.J. (Nov 4, 2014)

Football fan said:


> She never goes out alone. I am always with her. She works an evening shift and usually gets home between 11:30-11:45. She's a charge nurse at a nursing home.
> 
> After coming home after one of her evening shifts, she immediately took off her scrubs and put them in the wash. She's never done that. I asked her why she was washing clothes so late at night and she said "I've got some new scrubs and I thought I would put this in with them before I wore them."
> 
> Could have been totally innocent, I may have blown it by asking her why she was doing that. I don't know.


Big red flag im afraid

Looking like possible co worker at minute if there is anyone

get that VAR tomorrow urgent


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## G.J. (Nov 4, 2014)

How old are you both

Any kids

How long married

Is she wearing any sexy undies for work etc


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Football fan said:


> She never goes out alone. I am always with her. She works an evening shift and usually gets home between 11:30-11:45. She's a charge nurse at a nursing home.
> 
> After coming home after one of her evening shifts, she immediately took off her scrubs and put them in the wash. She's never done that. I asked her why she was washing clothes so late at night and she said "I've got some new scrubs and I thought I would put this in with them before I wore them."
> 
> Could have been totally innocent, I may have blown it by asking her why she was doing that. I don't know.


She's a nurse? Uh oh...

http://boingboing.net/2010/03/10/most-adulterous-prof.html

Washing clothes immediately upon coming home? Also not good.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

It's possible it wasn't the scrubs she was cleaning but her panties.

Are you familiar with her coworkers? Has she brought up any coworkers in the past and has suddenly stopped mentioning them?
This is a typical red flag when a coworker is involved.

Another work affair red flag is a change in her appearence, more makeup/ perfume, along with wearing sexier underwear to work.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Stop questioning her odd behavior. Start a journal with dates and times and just keep track for now.

Who knows you might see a pattern...ei every Wed. she comes home a few minutes late or every Thur. she leaves a little early.

The thing with work affairs its more scheduled. If OM is off and with his family you may not see her texting as much on that particular day.

Did you look at bank statement to see if she is spending more money for lunch...say enough for two people to eat rather then one.

In my case I say a lot of withdraws for cash at work, but every once in a while I saw my wife using her ATM's at liquor stores and gas stations across town. I also noticed her direct deposit being smaller due to her taking time off from work to be with her OM.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Linkedin is a business networking site. 

I suppose that like any communication system it could be used inappropriately, but all I've ever seen on it has been business related.


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## Football fan (Dec 15, 2014)

No, there is no history of infidelity in our marriage. She doesn't keep her phone or the Kindle locked down. As far as our pre-marital relationship, we did live together before we were married and everything seemed fine. I didnt have any suspicions then.

I am 50, she's 51. We have one son who is in the Military. We've been married for 8 yrs in January. She doesn't wear sexy panties to work, that I do know.

I checked the washer while she was in the other room and her panties weren't in there. I have shown up at her job unannounced and she always takes the time to introduce them to me. She doesn't spend any extra time with make up or any of that when she gets ready for work. 

She hasn't mentioned anyone at work and then quit talking about them. So is it a possibility I could be just paranoid ?


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

Just in case, get on LinkedIn, and create a profile. Basic subscriptions are free.

When you do this, go to settings and make sure you choose "anonymous" when it asks what you want shown when you view somebody's profile. Otherwise, people can see when you view their profile.

Once anonymous is chosen, go look at her profile, and see if you can view her connections. This feature can also be turned off (mine is, many do this), but maybe she didn't, and this could narrow down possibilities for you.


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## G.J. (Nov 4, 2014)

> No, there is no history of infidelity in our marriage. She doesn't keep her phone or the Kindle locked down. As far as our pre-marital relationship, we did live together before we were married and everything seemed fine. I didnt have any suspicions then.
> 
> I am 50, she's 51. We have one son who is in the Military. We've been married for 8 yrs in January. She doesn't wear sexy panties to work, that I do know.
> 
> ...


All sounds good but the short time ive been on this site nearly everyone had a gut feeling that some thing wasn't quite right including myself so be discreet and *follow the advice given*.

It will be good to have a chuckle *after xmas* if this is all about a secret pressy for you...how ever gut feelings rarely seem to be wrong

ADD:
Those new accounts really suck though


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Its very possible she is texting about you to her family or friends....and it may not be good. She might be talking sh!t about you to others.

Lets just hope it's a nice surprise for you.

I still would keep my guard up...it could be an ex boy friend or her 1st love from high school......it still could be a long distance online affair from some POS on the other side of the country.

Often these long distance things seem safe for the wayward but then emotions start to build and then before you know it your old lady has to go on a business trip for the 1st time ever.

Please tell me she isn't planning a trip in the near future.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Gabriel said:


> Just in case, get on LinkedIn, and create a profile. Basic subscriptions are free.
> 
> When you do this, go to settings and make sure you choose "anonymous" when it asks what you want shown when you view somebody's profile. Otherwise, people can see when you view their profile.
> 
> Once anonymous is chosen, go look at her profile, and see if you can view her connections. This feature can also be turned off (mine is, many do this), but maybe she didn't, and this could narrow down possibilities for you.


:smthumbup:


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

vellocet said:


> LinkedIn is supposed to be like an internet business card.
> 
> Its for professional networking connections.
> 
> Anyone who uses it for anything but is a f'ing idiot.


That settles that cheaters are idiots.


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## Broken at 20 (Sep 25, 2012)

LinkedIn is a networking site for professionals. 
It is the site you use to put your best foot forward. A professional picture, your resume, your work history, and only what you want other people to see. And by other people, I mean your coworkers, your boss, your future employers, etc. 

Facebook is where you put the drunk and disorderly pictures of yourself. 

But using LinkedIn as a cover for an affair would actually be...smarter in some senses. 
Most people know that if they see their spouse getting close to an old high school romance over facebook, to realize shyt is happening. 
Most people, especially those that use linkedin, wouldn't think too far into it. 

Getting a LinkedIn, and with all her other behavior, doesn't make this seem normal. One doesn't need a linkedin and deleted internet history to buy a surprise present for a spouse. 

With her recent change in behavior, I would suggest pulling the overused 180 that everyone here touts. 
If she starts pursuing you and trying to be more active, it is more likely her actions are innocent. 
If she seems uncaring, or doesn't seem to notice the change in behavior, or if she is even happy that you are pulling away, then, well, you're probably overdue for some bad news at that point.


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## Sports Fan (Aug 21, 2014)

LinkiedIn is a site for business professionals. That said it could very well work as a social media site and private message page. If anything using LinkedIn to contact somebody is quite sneaky of her as it would not be the first social media account a spouse would look for infedility.

That said it is time to stay quiet and go into evidence gathering mode. Keylogg the computer, Webwatcher works wonders, buy a VAR and put it under her car seat strapped with velcro, and install a GPS system on her car.

Unfortunately it does sound like she is up to no good. Do this properly and gather the evidence becuase if you confront now without solid proof she will gas light you and only further take any wrong doings under ground


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## thummper (Dec 19, 2013)

Sorry, FF, but I'm seeing LOTS of red flags here!!! It doesn't look good. Better put your foot down hard on this right now and get to the bottom of what's going on. :wtf:


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## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

I've been hit on more times on Linkedin than I've ever been hit on over on Facebook.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Blossom Leigh said:


> I've been hit on more times on Linkedin than I've ever been hit on over on Facebook.


NO SH!T

OP better go back to reread Gab's reply...I think it was post #27


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Here's my take...

She met someone new at work. New coworker? New doctor at the nursing home? New drug rep? New male nurse? New administrator?

She's not using Linked In as as "secret chat site." She's interested in this person and she's looking up his business profile to learn more about him. Find out the name of the person she's searching for (search history or keylogger) and you'll have your answer.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

Football fan said:


> Anything about a website called Linked In ? Can it be used as an online chatting site, or link to other accounts like Facebook ?
> 
> The reason I am asking this is that I noticed a link to it in the history on our computer. I didnt say anything to my wife about it. This morning I walked in on her and she changed the screen really fast. I did see that it was the log on page to this site though.
> 
> I haven't said anything to her yet. She has been acting very suspicious lately. This is a new site in the history. I dont know anything about it. Or even where to start looking because Im not a tech guy. My wife knows this.


Someone would have to abuse linked-in for it to be a problem. Yes it's a social tool but the intent is business connections.


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## Football fan (Dec 15, 2014)

She is working a double shift tonight, then she is working her normal shift tomorrow evening. She sent me a text earlier and said she "might" work a double shift again tomorrow. Her reasoning ? So she can spend more time with me and our son over the Christmas holidays. I am planning on doing a drive by to see if her car is there. I'm planning on going by about 1 AM.


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## drifting on (Nov 22, 2013)

On the kindle fire at the top left corner is a name, example, rustys kindle. Touch your finger there and swipe down. In the upper right you will see settings. Hit that then go to applications. Hit that and scroll down to silk. Hit that and go to your data. Make sure the remember passwords and auto fill are checked and on.

I found this out when I log into here I type on letter of my user name and the rest gets filled automatically. This includes the password!!! I almost had a panic attack!! Good luck I hope you only spoil what you are getting from Santa but I don't think I'm right. Stay strong.


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## drifting on (Nov 22, 2013)

Blossom Leigh said:


> I've been hit on more times on Linkedin than I've ever been hit on over on Facebook.



I haven't been hit on using either!!! What the hell is wrong with me??!! I'm even holding a puppy!!!


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## GROUNDPOUNDER (Mar 8, 2013)

Football fan said:


> She is working a double shift tonight, then she is working her normal shift tomorrow evening. She sent me a text earlier and said she "might" work a double shift again tomorrow. Her reasoning ? So she can spend more time with me and our son over the Christmas holidays. I am planning on doing a drive by to see if her car is there. I'm planning on going by about 1 AM.


This might be too late, but when you go to see if her car is there and it is - Check to see if the hood is warm(engine). If so, she just left and came back during here double shift.


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## Q tip (Apr 15, 2014)

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/209754-standard-evidence-post.html


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## pugnacious (Jul 11, 2012)

I don't know if anyone touched on this yet or not, but just in case, Linkedin DOES have it's own instant messenger. 

Is there a way for you to check her page? (I typed in my WH's email, his usual password , and bingo! (He's not the brightest bulb in the box)
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

drifting on said:


> I haven't been hit on using either!!! What the hell is wrong with me??!! I'm even holding a puppy!!!


Lol! It started happening when I started leaving comments on articles. I ended up with a lot of CEO types checking me out and wanting to "chat." I had to stop posting because it was getting ridiculous.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Blossom Leigh said:


> I've been hit on more times on Linkedin than I've ever been hit on over on Facebook.


You must be the woman with no clothes on that site! LOL!&#55357;&#56842;
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

ConanHub said:


> You must be the woman with no clothes on that site! LOL!��
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Lol! No! just a head shot


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## naiveonedave (Jan 9, 2014)

Blossom Leigh said:


> Lol! No! just a head shot


That is why any on-line stuff can be dangerous to a M. It is almost anonymous.


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

On-line does increase the opportunity. You still need the motive and rationalization.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

rather then just doing a drive by i would surprise her with a warm cup of coffee or tea, this denotes a kind jester, that you appreciate her willingness to want to spend more time with the both of you...so you look like a great husband and a watchful one at the same time.


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## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

naiveonedave said:


> That is why any on-line stuff can be dangerous to a M. It is almost anonymous.


Exactly.


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## RClawson (Sep 19, 2011)

I hate stereotypes but I soon as I heard Nurse my heart sank. I understand the hiring and firing world really well and most nurses have little need for Linkedin.


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## SpinDaddy (Nov 12, 2012)

I use LinkedIn pretty extensively for business purposes. I’m not aware of an IM function and the messaging function is not ideal for chat – it redirects your messages to your affiliated e-mail address. Gabriel’s recommendations for driving abound on LinkedIn anonymously are spot on. I concur with the general sentiment that anyone who is utilizing LinkedIn as a “hook-up” venue is an idiot HOWEVER I could see where it might be a starting point if your spouse recently met someone at a business conference, trade show or something like that.


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## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

Then there are a LOT of idiots on LinkedIn


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## Nucking Futs (Apr 8, 2013)

happy as a clam said:


> Here's my take...
> 
> *She met someone new at work. New coworker? New doctor at the nursing home? New drug rep? New male nurse? New administrator?*
> 
> ...


There was a thread recently with a nursing home nurse who had an affair with a family member of a patient. Can't remember what thread it was, but it goes to show it doesn't have to be another employee.


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

Blossom Leigh said:


> Lol! It started happening when I started leaving comments on articles. I ended up with a lot of CEO types checking me out and wanting to "chat." I had to stop posting because it was getting ridiculous.


Wow, you must have a very flattering profile picture. That is the first time I've heard of this happening. Although I'm not entirely shocked. I'm probably just naive.

I will say that it's entirely possible that women thought I was doing that to them, when in fact, I was honestly trying to make a business connection. That's part of my job, to expand our network of contacts. Some, by random chance, happen to be attractive people. Some not.


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## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

It didn't take long for them to reveal their true intentions.

Yes, my avatar is flattering.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening football fan
Yes.

I know I'm the odd man out here, but if I discovered my wife was spying on me, I'd leave. Who wants to be in a relationship with no trust. 

You can never know she isn't cheating, you can only know that you haven't caught her. There will always be suspicious things: 

My wife is at home right now - maybe there is some other man there - should I drive home and check? Should I put a VAR in the bedroom and in the car? Search through her history? Dig through here dirty laundry? Maybe she cheated on her last business trip. She recently went to a Jazz concert with a co-worker (I hate jazz) -she says he's gay - but maybe not. She was home late a few nights ago - could be having an affair. She usually leaves for work before I do, but last week she accidentally slept in - or WAS it accidental, maybe she was waiting until I left to engage in a wild orgy with Crotobaltislavonian midgets. Maybe the midgets were better endowed than I am? 

You can go crazy with this sort of thing. YOU CAN NEVER KNOW. Trust or do not trust, but spying will drive away the woman you love. 





Football fan said:


> So is it a possibility I could be just paranoid ?


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

richardsharpe said:


> Good evening football fan
> Yes.
> 
> I know I'm the odd man out here, but if I discovered my wife was spying on me, I'd leave. Who wants to be in a relationship with no trust.
> ...


VAR in her car for the time being.


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## Nucking Futs (Apr 8, 2013)

richardsharpe said:


> Good evening football fan
> Yes.
> 
> I know I'm the odd man out here, but if I discovered my wife was spying on me, I'd leave. Who wants to be in a relationship with no trust.
> ...





richardsharpe said:


> Good afternoon Trickster
> No, I'm just (apparently) very unusual in that fidelity isn't all that important to me. Its not that I don't care, its that I don't care all that much.
> 
> 
> ...



So let me get this straight. Your wife investigating you because she thinks you may be cheating is a divorceable offense but cheating is not?


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## GROUNDPOUNDER (Mar 8, 2013)

richardsharpe said:


> Good evening football fan
> Yes.
> 
> I know I'm the odd man out here, but if I discovered my wife was spying on me, I'd leave. Who wants to be in a relationship with no trust.
> ...




Yes, some people hear may be too quick on the draw when they see red flags. But The vast majority do end up finding something out that was not on the up and up. From flirting to full on affairs/multiple AP's.

If our SO's hadn't hoisted those red flags to begin with, we wouldn't be here...

You are so far on the opposite end of the spectrum. I think that you're a cheating spouse's dream.

I guess it's a good thing that you don't have a problem with finding out your SO has/is cheating. The way that you leave yourself open to it may come in handy one day if you find out(although short of outright being told about, how I'll never know) you SO has cheated on you.

Babes in the woods.


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

Blossom Leigh said:


> It didn't take long for them to reveal their true intentions.


Like the dog pound my girl, there's going to be a lot of hounds around and about.


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## Q tip (Apr 15, 2014)

Blossom Leigh said:


> It didn't take long for them to reveal their true intentions.
> 
> Yes, my avatar is flattering.


And the guys doing this are probably a fake, lying about their job/career to snag the weak... PUA types.


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## Q tip (Apr 15, 2014)

richardsharpe said:


> Good evening football fan
> Yes.
> 
> I know I'm the odd man out here, but if I discovered my wife was spying on me, I'd leave. Who wants to be in a relationship with no trust.
> ...


Whatever works for you, my friend. Nothing wrong with looking for a fire/source if you smell smoke. Particularly if she's checking out some young stud's linkedin profile because of some compliments and brash comments he made to her.

It's super easy to nip it in the bud than after the slippery slope accelerates the innocent progress he's making. Just read up on PUA tactics. (Instigate, Isolate, Escalate). She may be totally innocent, but being corralled into a new field to graze totally unaware. So her H has every right to protect his marriage from him "friending" her. 

Then she'll realize what's going on, break off this "friendship", file a complaint against the dude, - or just shut it down. Who knows who else he's done there. Target rich environment.

Just a common scenario above. Could be it or nothing.


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## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

Q tip said:


> And the guys doing this are probably a fake, lying about their job/career to snag the weak... PUA types.


Yep, it why I quit commenting on articles. Fixed that problem.


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## Q tip (Apr 15, 2014)

Blossom Leigh said:


> Yep, it why I quit commenting on articles. Fixed that problem.


You could have had some fun by sending him to a beach in Hawaii on a certain time and date wearing a silly hat so you can find him. Then say you had to cancel your flight last minute, then offer to meet in Hong Kong with him wearing the same silly hat. Repeat until he's broke... :rofl:

Or offer to meet after your rash clears..


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## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

Q tip said:


> You could have had some fun by sending him to a beach in Hawaii on a certain time and date wearing a silly hat so you can find him. Then say you had to cancel your flight last minute, then offer to meet in Hong Kong with him wearing the same silly hat. Repeat until he's broke... :rofl:
> 
> Or offer to meet after your rash clears..


Lol.. now that would have been funny!!


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## Pollo (Oct 17, 2014)

Nucking Futs said:


> richardsharpe said:
> 
> 
> > Good evening football fan
> ...


Yeah, I'm trying to understand the logic behind this as well....


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## Q tip (Apr 15, 2014)

Pollo said:


> Yeah, I'm trying to understand the logic behind this as well....


Fairly easy to understand. The betaization is complete in this one. Strong amazonian women and weak men. 

Indoctrination is complete. He's grown up in a total environment of manipulation and lies. Values, manhood all out the door. Never had a chance with him. 

Sad, really.


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

RClawson said:


> I hate stereotypes but I soon as I heard Nurse my heart sank. I understand the hiring and firing world really well and most nurses have little need for Linkedin.


This is true. While not unheard of, Linkedin isn't really something nurses would benefit much from. It's more for folks to connect on a "networking" level.

Unless she is considering a job change. Linkedin could be useful to her if she's doing that.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening Nucking Futs
For me, yes. I could tolerate her cheating. I know that ~50% of people cheat in marriages, so I assume there is some chance that she did. If she ended the affair and I understood why it happened and that reason went away, then I would not be that upset.

Lack of trust can never be fixed. Look long enough and eventually you will find evidence of something. I'm not willing to live under suspicion. 


Others may of course live their lives as they wish. 



Nucking Futs said:


> So let me get this straight. Your wife investigating you because she thinks you may be cheating is a divorceable offense but cheating is not?


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening Q tip
So trust and honor are "beta" now? Then I guess I'm beta. 

I love my wife and trust her with my life. She love me and trusts me the same way. I have not broken that trust and I have no reason to think she has. 

It would be dishonorable for me to spy on someone I claim to trust and love. "trust but verify is an oxymoron". 

So to me, my honor is more important than concerns about her fidelity. 







Q tip said:


> Fairly easy to understand. The betaization is complete in this one. Strong amazonian women and weak men.
> 
> Indoctrination is complete. He's grown up in a total environment of manipulation and lies. Values, manhood all out the door. Never had a chance with him.
> 
> Sad, really.


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

richardsharpe said:


> It would be dishonorable for me to spy on someone I claim to trust and love. "trust but verify is an oxymoron".


Plus there a numerous signs that something is out of kilter before she's showing interest in another guy; if you're paying attention.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Hiding her screen, exiting pages has caught many cheaters here. Just saying.


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## naiveonedave (Jan 9, 2014)

ThePheonix said:


> Plus there a numerous signs that something is out of kilter before she's showing interest in another guy; if you're paying attention.


based on this board alone, I totally disagree with your statement.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

richardsharpe said:


> I have no reason to think she has.


Some guys get all the luck

Back in the day I could only wish I had no reason to think my old lady was screwing around.

It truly sucked big time to even have to go down that road to verify I wasn't crazy and protect my self from further betrayal.


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## RClawson (Sep 19, 2011)

Gabriel said:


> This is true. While not unheard of, Linkedin isn't really something nurses would benefit much from. It's more for folks to connect on a "networking" level.
> 
> Unless she is considering a job change. Linkedin could be useful to her if she's doing that.


I am not trying to be a know it all but I have been tied in to the hiring and firing world closely since before the turn of the century and I know many many nurses. Going to Linkedin as a resource for a nurse would be out of total desperation. Those jobs almost fall out of trees.


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## RClawson (Sep 19, 2011)

Mr. Sharpe,

Be on the look out for the pair of Rose Colored Glasses I sent.


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## Q tip (Apr 15, 2014)

richardsharpe said:


> Good evening Q tip
> So trust and honor are "beta" now? Then I guess I'm beta.
> 
> I love my wife and trust her with my life. She love me and trusts me the same way. I have not broken that trust and I have no reason to think she has.
> ...


QED. I was referring to being a man. A real one, not some woman's interpretation of what a man is.

You'll opine to the opposite when she comes home with a different smell on her breath...


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## Ceegee (Sep 9, 2012)

richardsharpe said:


> Good evening Q tip
> 
> So trust and honor are "beta" now? Then I guess I'm beta.
> 
> ...



Sorry, but in a Coping with Infidelity forum this is just stupid. 

I felt the same about my wife all the way up until she ****ed another dude. At work. 

Trust but verify an oxymoron? You're dreaming dude.


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## Ceegee (Sep 9, 2012)

I mean, really. 

Most of us here have been cheated on. Lives, as we knew them, destroyed. 

And you want to tell us to ignore the red flags in the name of honor?

Ok...FF...ignore the red flags. Go about your business. Forget what you see and hear. 

Close your account. No need to come back.


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## Q tip (Apr 15, 2014)

Ceegee said:


> I mean, really.
> 
> Most of us here have been cheated on. Lives, as we knew them, destroyed.
> 
> ...


Kinda wonder if this guy is an OM. (Not FF)


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## Ceegee (Sep 9, 2012)

Taking him at his word, I don't think he his. 

Just unaware of the environment. I find these remarks insensitive and offensive. 

Not to mention that they don't help the OP at all. There is a reason why he is here. Telling him to ignore his instincts is, well, just wrong.


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## Sports Fan (Aug 21, 2014)

The supposed double shifts is a HUGE RED FLAG consdiering the other suspicious behavour. I would definately recommend doing a drive by. That said she might park her car at work as a form of cover and have the other man pick her up. Definately drive by, and perhaps call the nursing home under some pretense of emergency. I think you can think of an excuse.

As suggested earlier VAR & GPS her car. This is not heading in a good direction.


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## G.J. (Nov 4, 2014)

Invest in a VAR yesterday and GPS her car , both inexpensive and worth the few dollars/pounds


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## GROUNDPOUNDER (Mar 8, 2013)

richardsharpe said:


> Good evening Q tip
> So trust and honor are "beta" now? Then I guess I'm beta.
> 
> I love my wife and trust her with my life. She love me and trusts me the same way. I have not broken that trust and I have no reason to think she has.
> ...


We got a Doris Day fan here.

_*Que Sera, Sera,
Whatever will be, will be
The future's not ours, to see*_

Everybody, join in!

_*Que Sera, Sera
What will be, will be.*_


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## D.H Mosquito (Jul 22, 2014)

If she is doing double shifts as she claims then you thoughtfully dropping off her favourite treat as a thank you for all her hard work wont be a problem for her, firstly it lets you check in a nice way she is doing what she says she is, 2 if she is tempted to mess about the fact you are a bit unpredictable might help her toe the line


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

LinkedIn can be used as a messaging app.
I've been hit on through LinkedIn messaging.

However I believe LinkedIn also send a notcie to your e-mail that you have recieved a message so it's not the most subtle way to hide communications (don't know if this can be turned off).

If she is up to something (and unlike others here I'm not seeing too many red flags) you should concentrate on her work environment.

Washing of work clothes immediately when she gets home
Hiding the use of a Professional network app.

If she is up to something these things point towards her job.
That's where I'd look if I were you.


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## convert (Oct 4, 2013)

richardsharpe said:


> Good evening Q tip
> So trust and honor are "beta" now? Then I guess I'm beta.
> 
> I love my wife and trust her with my life. She love me and trusts me the same way. I have not broken that trust and I have no reason to think she has.
> ...


GOOD EVENING,
When you gut is telling you something is up, trust but verify is just common sense.

but I guess common sense is oxymoron these days


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## SpinDaddy (Nov 12, 2012)

SpinDaddy said:


> I use LinkedIn pretty extensively for business purposes. I’m not aware of an IM function and the messaging function is not ideal for chat – it redirects your messages to your affiliated e-mail address. Gabriel’s recommendations for driving abound on LinkedIn anonymously are spot on. I concur with the general sentiment that anyone who is utilizing LinkedIn as a “hook-up” venue is an idiot HOWEVER I could see where it might be a starting point if your spouse recently met someone at a business conference, trade show or something like that.





Blossom Leigh said:


> Then there are a LOT of idiots on LinkedIn


Point noted Blossom. There are idiots everywhere.


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## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

:smthumbup: Yes sir


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## Football fan (Dec 15, 2014)

She f*ing did it again. She closed the screen she was looking at on her Kindle when I walked over to her. I'm pissed. I know shes up to something, not sure what it is. But I will catch her.

I want to ask her what the f*** is going on, because I know you are up to something. She's sneaky as he'll and I'm sick of it. I am so pissed right now. 

I'm tired of the games she's playing. If she wants someone else I'm at the point of telling her to get the f*** out.


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## Football fan (Dec 15, 2014)

God I'm PISSED right now ! Theres suppose to be no secrets in marriage right ? It's OBVIOUS she is hiding something. I'm f****** sick of it.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

SpinDaddy said:


> I use LinkedIn pretty extensively for business purposes. I’m not aware of an IM function and the messaging function is not ideal for chat – it redirects your messages to your affiliated e-mail address. Gabriel’s recommendations for driving abound on LinkedIn anonymously are spot on. I concur with the general sentiment that anyone who is utilizing LinkedIn as a “hook-up” venue is an idiot HOWEVER I could see where it might be a starting point if your spouse recently met someone at a business conference, trade show or something like that.


Your LinkedIn profile will forward e-mail to whichever e-mail address you've specified; mine forwards to my personal e-mail.


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## Football fan (Dec 15, 2014)

Well if she's getting email from there she's deleting them. I know her user name and password. Does anyone know how to track what's she doing on that f***** Kindle Fire ?


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## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

Football fan said:


> God I'm PISSED right now ! Theres suppose to be no secrets in marriage right ? It's OBVIOUS she is hiding something. I'm f****** sick of it.


Control yourself, catch her first.


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## Tobyboy (Jun 13, 2013)

Disable her kindle fire!!! A little salt water will permanently do this!!
In the meantime, download a keylogger on her PC. I recommend Relytec!! The full version is free for a week. Or just buy it and let it do it's job!! Very stealthy and easy to install.


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

Football fan said:


> She f*ing did it again. She closed the screen she was looking at on her Kindle when I walked over to her. I'm pissed. I know shes up to something, not sure what it is. But I will catch her.
> 
> I want to ask her what the f*** is going on, because I know you are up to something. She's sneaky as he'll and I'm sick of it. I am so pissed right now.
> 
> ...


Aren't Kindle's for reading and that's about it.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Thundarr said:


> Aren't Kindle's for reading and that's about it.


The Kindle Fire is a full-blown tablet.


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## Football fan (Dec 15, 2014)

If I disable her Kindle Fire she still has her Windows 8 phone. I know she's up to something. I'm really frustrated that I can't catch her. My gut is telling me something ain't right somewhere. 

I'm pissed, but I'm not going to let it show. 

She is either in an online affair or got something else going on. I feel it.


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

GusPolinski said:


> The Kindle Fire is a full-blown tablet.


huh. Interesting. In that case, I'm not sure why OP keeps helicoptering around the issue. Constantly trying to catch my spouse in the act is a sad excuse to avoid just having boundaries. 

I suppose is scary to just say if you close that kindle one more g*d dam time when I come around then I'm leaving your arse and you can keep the f-ing kindle sweetie.


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## Sports Fan (Aug 21, 2014)

Football fan said:


> If I disable her Kindle Fire she still has her Windows 8 phone. I know she's up to something. I'm really frustrated that I can't catch her. My gut is telling me something ain't right somewhere.
> 
> I'm pissed, but I'm not going to let it show.
> 
> She is either in an online affair or got something else going on. I feel it.


Sorry it has come to this. Believe me i know the feeling. You have two choices. Sit tight and catch her with the methods recommended here, or alternatively take all the money from any joint bank accounts and deposit it in your own personal account then confront taking a hardline.

You have more than enough proof to validate yourself however unless you basically catch her red handed with proof she cannot lie her way out of she will just deny until the cows come home.


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## Football fan (Dec 15, 2014)

Thundarr, I am at the point where I am ready to tell her to get the f*** out. The very next time she does that **** with her Kindle, I am going to yank the damn thing out her hand and find out for myself what she is hiding. 

You're right. I don't need her. In fact I would be much happier without her. It's not like I am losing a whole lot if she is going to be this way.


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## Kresaera (Nov 8, 2014)

My husband has had 2 online affairs. The first one was full blown sexual affair, the 2nd was Craigslist personals. He was acting exactly like your wife both times. 

I agree with everyone else, get a keylogger, install it on the tablet and try to get her phone alone without her. If she is in the middle of a full blown emotional online affair, getting her phone away from her will be near impossible.


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## Tobyboy (Jun 13, 2013)

Football fan said:


> If I disable her Kindle Fire she still has her Windows 8 phone. I know she's up to something. I'm really frustrated that I can't catch her. My gut is telling me something ain't right somewhere.
> 
> I'm pissed, but I'm not going to let it show.
> 
> She is either in an online affair or got something else going on. I feel it.


Ok. How about the router? Can you disable it forcing her to use the PC?
I'm telling you straight up. Keylogger will capture everything you need!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## G.J. (Nov 4, 2014)

If you go the confrontation route it will drive it underground e.g. when your not around

So if you do it you will have to do it when she has just turned it away from you so you know some things happening at that point, walk away then sneak back quickly and grab it when she's got engrossed again
Be prepared for scratching and slaps though

some good points made by others

1.disable her kindle
2.router for kindle

make PC tempting

isn't there any software to put on her phone????

phone for texting perhaps
kindle for piccies perhaps

Whens the drive bye ?

you did VAR her car didn't you ?
As its good time for chatting in a car


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## Nucking Futs (Apr 8, 2013)

Tobyboy said:


> Ok. How about the router? Can you disable it forcing her to use the PC?
> I'm telling you straight up. Keylogger will capture everything you need!!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


The phone will just drop back to the cellular network. If her first choice is the kindle and the second choice is the phone nothing he does to the router will get her on the pc. He would need to get the phone away from her first. Get it "lost", get it wet, "accidentally" knock it on the floor then step on it, etc.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Nucking Futs said:


> The phone will just drop back to the cellular network. If her first choice is the kindle and the second choice is the phone nothing he does to the router will get her on the pc. He would need to get the phone away from her first. Get it "lost", get it wet, "accidentally" knock it on the floor then step on it, etc.


Or just make the SIM card disappear.


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## Squeakr (May 1, 2013)

Football fan said:


> Thundarr, I am at the point where I am ready to tell her to get the f*** out. The very next time she does that **** with her Kindle, I am going to yank the damn thing out her hand and find out for myself what she is hiding.


Careful on this as I know someone that was arguing with his WW and they were fighting over a phone, trying to pul, it out of the other's hands, and the police charged him with battery, as he "shook" her. I don't know why she wasn't charged as well as they both admit they were only touching the phone and neither was touching the other (other than she called and reported it). He had to do probation for it. Total BS but the charge stuck, so be careful in your actions.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Football fan said:


> Thundarr, I am at the point where I am ready to tell her to get the f*** out. The very next time she does that **** with her Kindle, I am going to yank the damn thing out her hand and find out for myself what she is hiding.
> 
> You're right. I don't need her. In fact I would be much happier without her. It's not like I am losing a whole lot if she is going to be this way.


Stay frosty, man. I know it's hard, but don't lose your cool.


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

Did you eliminate the possibility this is for a Christmas gift? I would wait until after 12/25 to blow up on her, just in case. 

But I agree you have reason for concern.


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## Q tip (Apr 15, 2014)

Again... Review this. VAR the Car and house where she usually is. Also, if you can and she always sits in the same spot with the Kindle, get a small USB video device. Perhaps you'll see what she's up to. Depends on how you can hide it.

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/209754-standard-evidence-post.html


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## BrockLanders (Jul 23, 2012)

Can you get physical possession of the Kindle without her being around? If yes you can get rid of her password via adb. You'll need a USB cable to connect to the computer and also will need some drivers. I'll get into more detail if you say you can get it.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

GusPolinski said:


> Or just make the SIM card disappear.


Can you take the sim card out and read it? Would that do any good?


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## BrockLanders (Jul 23, 2012)

Chaparral said:


> Can you take the sim card out and read it? Would that do any good?


The SIM card doesn't hold any data of value.


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## Squeakr (May 1, 2013)

BrockLanders said:


> The SIM card doesn't hold any data of value.


Depends on the device, and how it is configured, as some do write some of the log files and data to the sim cards. Most don't though, so it probably won't have much information of significance.


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## Pollo (Oct 17, 2014)

richardsharpe said:


> Good evening Nucking Futs
> For me, yes. I could tolerate her cheating. I know that ~50% of people cheat in marriages, so I assume there is some chance that she did. If she ended the affair and I understood why it happened and that reason went away, then I would not be that upset.
> 
> Lack of trust can never be fixed. Look long enough and eventually you will find evidence of something. I'm not willing to live under suspicion.
> ...


Ok, I'm really confused. Cheating doesn't count as a breach of trust???


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## Mr Right (Oct 5, 2013)

Nucking Futs said:


> The phone will just drop back to the cellular network. If her first choice is the kindle and the second choice is the phone nothing he does to the router will get her on the pc. He would need to get the phone away from her first. Get it "lost", get it wet, "accidentally" knock it on the floor then step on it, etc.


No need, put her Kindle in the Microwave Oven for 20-30 seconds and it's kaput without her knowing someone fooled with it. It will throw out a few sparks but the Microwave will be fine. This also works with Mobile Phones.


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## SpinDaddy (Nov 12, 2012)

Football fan said:


> She f*ing did it again. She closed the screen she was looking at on her Kindle when I walked over to her. I'm pissed. I know shes up to something, not sure what it is. But I will catch her.
> 
> I want to ask her what the f*** is going on, because I know you are up to something. She's sneaky as he'll and I'm sick of it. I am so pissed right now.
> 
> I'm tired of the games she's playing. If she wants someone else I'm at the point of telling her to get the f*** out.


*Maybe she’s on TAM?*


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

Hey Football Fan - got an update?


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## Sports Fan (Aug 21, 2014)

Does anyone know what happened here?


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

I'm guessing he found his old lady screwing around and is done with her and TAM.

Moving on.....


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Something must have went down.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## altawa (Jan 4, 2015)

I agree....too long and too quiet.


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## I dunno (Nov 14, 2012)

The phone is usually the big give away, happened to me, the ex suddenly became very possessive about sharing information. I'd ask very politely if you could look to see what the fuss is all about, if she becomes aggressive then alarm bells need to start ringing, very loudly. Hugs xxx


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