# How tell my W who had an EA I have forgiven her



## moeman (Aug 12, 2010)

Hello all,

I would not go through all the stages of the EA that I have explained in the other posts since I discovered my W's EA early enough not to get to PA. However, my question is after several months of going through the stages that you're all familiar with I have come to realize that she is still mindful of the issue and I really want to put her at ease. I know that actions speak louder than words, but do you suggest that at some point I should tell her that I am over it and that she should feel comfortable about the past? If so, what kind of wording can I use? My health insurance has changed and I am no longer able to see the therapist that I discuss this issue with.

Thanks,
Moeman


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## DanF (Sep 27, 2010)

I held my wife in my arms and told her this;
"I love you more than anything else in this world. I am committed to you and you alone. We have both made mistakes in our marriage and I am deeply sorry for what I have done. I know that you have made mistakes, too and I forgive you. I know that neither of us purposely tried to hurt the other, although that's what we ended up doing. I will do my best to never hurt you again and all I ask is that you love me as much as I love you."


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## Atholk (Jul 25, 2009)

Dude just ask her how she is doing about it.


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## chefmaster (Oct 30, 2010)

Yes it's suggested as a final part of the healing process and is as necessary for you as it is for her. Make sure to commit yourself to the forgiveness. 

Then just approach her and tell you how you feel.

DanF has given a pretty amazing example:



DanF said:


> I held my wife in my arms and told her this;
> "I love you more than anything else in this world. I am committed to you and you alone. We have both made mistakes in our marriage and I am deeply sorry for what I have done. I know that you have made mistakes, too and I forgive you. I know that neither of us purposely tried to hurt the other, although that's what we ended up doing. I will do my best to never hurt you again and all I ask is that you love me as much as I love you."


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## moeman (Aug 12, 2010)

DanF said:


> I held my wife in my arms and told her this;
> "I love you more than anything else in this world. I am committed to you and you alone. We have both made mistakes in our marriage and I am deeply sorry for what I have done. I know that you have made mistakes, too and I forgive you. I know that neither of us purposely tried to hurt the other, although that's what we ended up doing. I will do my best to never hurt you again and all I ask is that you love me as much as I love you."


Beautiful. Thanks for sharing.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

I'm coming up on my 20th anniversary, and thinking about renewing our vows, if that doesnt say fogiveness I doen't know what will.

But... I can't assume that my W is thinking that way, so I'm just going to keep showing I finally care, along with telling her how nice her hair looks and how nice her outfit looks and asking if she wants to take her clothes off so I can have her body. 

I guess what I'm saying, there are big thing that we can do to show forgiveness and the whole moving on thing, and there are little things that can have the same effect. so if we all keep doing both, our marriages will be a better place.


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

Just give it time. Eventually, somewhere down the road, she will open up totally to you, and then you can "officially" forgive her.


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## moeman (Aug 12, 2010)

F-102 said:


> Just give it time. Eventually, somewhere down the road, she will open up totally to you, and then you can "officially" forgive her.


You really think she's going to tell me all about the A? I am not sure about it because I had to do some Colombo kind of investigation to gather the evidence. Even after that she says it has been nothing, and I am making a mountain out of mole. Still in denial...


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

You can't forgive someone if you are still demanding a confession.


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