# Love busters quiz??



## Paperflowers (Jun 14, 2010)

Hi! I'm new to this forum - though I have been lurking for a while.

My husband and I have hit somewhat of a rut and things have been building up between us. Well, it came to a head tonight (thank God) and we are looking into ways of better communication and ways of communicating our needs to e/o in a better way. Also, we (moreso I) have some resentment that I need to work on and let go in order to move forward. 

I remember seeing something called a "Lovebuster Quiz" or something like that. I would like more information about that since I think that is something that would be beneficial for my dh and I to do together - and yes, he is willing to do this with me ! Does anyone have a link or more info about this?

We're also going to read Five Love Languages and watch Fireproof. I'm open to any other suggestions that anyone may have! 
I appreciate your help!!! Thank you!!!


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

It's on the website marriagebuilders.com. It's a questionnaire. You should both fill out one copy, and then swap copies. You can read what YOU do that your husband doesn't like, and he will read what HE does that YOU don't like.

That way, you stop harming each other, so that love can grow.

Example: My husband leaves a butter knife on the counter each and every day, as he comes home and makes a sandwich, no matter when dinner will be ready. But he leaves the knife on the counter, instead of walking two steps to drop it in the sink or, heaven forbid, one more step to put it in the dishwasher. He KNOWS it bothers me. But he chooses to NOT care that it bothers me, and chooses to CONTINUE to leave it on the counter, so I have to clean the counter every day if I want it to stay clean and germ free.

That is a major Love Buster for me. Every day, I have to pick up that knife, and no matter what needs he meets for me, I am STILL mad at him for not caring about my feelings enough (Love Busting me) to put it in the sink.


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## Paperflowers (Jun 14, 2010)

Thank you, Turnera! And thank you for the example!

That's EXACTLY what we need to work through - the things we do and don't do (say and don't say too) for each other that hurts our love. I have a feeling there will be a lot to work through since we've really let things build up over the years. We are pretty opposite in most things and so it's finding a middle ground and a way to communicate in a non-hurtful way to each other. 

We're starting out with this (and the book/movie) first. If need be, we may move on to mc. But we'll cross that bridge if/when we get there.

Thanks again for giving me the website. I appreciate it!


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## madimoff (Feb 17, 2010)

That's EXACTLY what we need to work through - the things we do and don't do (say and don't say too) for each other that hurts our love. I have a feeling there will be a lot to work through since we've really let things build up over the years. We are pretty opposite in most things and so it's finding a middle ground and a way to communicate in a non-hurtful way to each other
Paperflowers you sound a lot like us; we've got the LB questions printed off but other TAM-inspired reading helped us along the way recently & we haven't got around to it yet. But we will!
I do wonder if, for us, some of the problem is that we got together 'mature' (!) & because we knew we wanted to have a baby we didn't have much time (!!) so the getting-to-know each other phase was very rapidly overtaken by the stress of a baby (well more stressful for him since I'd already had two previously....) & so you have mature baggage plus new baby= recipe for potential friction from word getgo.


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## Paperflowers (Jun 14, 2010)

Yeah, I guess that could detour the "getting to know you" process. You're so busy focusing on "baby" and goals that your relationship starts to take a back seat. That's similar to what happen to me and my dh. We struggled through infertility and then worked for 4 years saving up for adoption, went through that process and now we have twin girls (they are almost 2).

we also have some other issues as well, such as lack of respect and the way he talks to me - an issue he's "working" on. and he feels underappreciated by me. so i'm "working" on that. but like i said before we have YEARS of stuff that's just built up and so we're trying to get things back on track.

I wish you luck as you and your husband work through things and congrats on your baby!!!


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