# My d's only grandparents-ex's parents-is somem going on here ?



## whitehawk (Aug 14, 2012)

We sep' 18mths ago and the d is coming through right now. Ex was a WAW, with a brand new om at the time, after we'd had a lot of crap going on a few yrs. l dunno if he's still around.
She moved into a rental 10mins away and we decided my d,12, would live with her. lt's just them two. D comes and goes a lot as l'm staying close, plus every w/e and holidays. l go see her there a bit too to save her house hopping more. 

My ex's parents are relentless. They're 75, live 2hrs away , hate the small town my ex lives in yet they're up every 2-3wks- and they stay - at her house to boot which is a tiny 2b/r. A few mths back the mum stayed for 3 wks on her 2 seater couch at 75.
3 or 4 w/es since and then they've just left for home , again. This time stayed 4days , right through my daughters visiting time.
My wife slept on the 2 seater and they used her bed. l said are you fkg crazy , say no , just say no.
l don't trust them and l don't know what l should do about it.
They are supporting my ex in this and know they're my d's only grandparents now and they're relentless at getting time with her. 
lt's a tiny town so they get to nose around at my life, ex's , my d's . And l'm sure they try sussing my d out about me and our time, hell everything . 
They are very nosy , they act all nice and which in most ways they are , but they love poking around in all their kids lives and l'd bet that's what they're trying to do with my d.
We had 4yrs intestate with my parents before l lost them and these two hated that.Now they have her all to themselves. They've got 4 others down home to though , yet this.

The mother never liked me and the dad , he was that damn quiet in 18yrs l just couldn't talk to him.
My ex and me did a lot of stuff to they wouldn't have approved of , and things they'd blame me for.
l asked ex once , wtf are doing dagging you 24/7 like this , all the way up here. And wtf do they think about you breaking up your fkg family , it's as if they support it.
She said nah , you know them they'd never say anything about that they're just trying to look after me. l dunno.
My d and l go canoeing , next minute l hear they took her out all day in a boat. There's a lot of [email protected] like that goes on to. Sometimes l think they're competing with me , her own dad l mean wth !.

l mean really , they've done nothing except maybe dag her , into our area like this and it's been a damn hard 2yrs with all this and them up here hanging round like this drives me mad. And l worry about what they might be trying to do with my d , or asking her when they look after her.
It also messes up our system and often costs me some of my time with my d. 
I don't want anything to do with them , i don't even wanna see them , ever . To my mind they are supporting my ex in this in a way , the mum maybe much more than that. She'd love me out of the way to get them both to herself .
l did make one attempt at seeing them one stay , when l was dropping of my d l went in and said hello. A few days later again picking her up. The mum pretty well snubbed me , even puled a few smirks when my d was showing her some clothes we'd just bought. l don't trust her at all.

They're even getting on my d's nerves hanging round up here so much lately . My ex is even getting that way and that's saying something , but she won't admit it.

Well , l have no idea how all that side of things is suppose to work now . Or if l can trust them , or if they're up to something.
My family are 3hrs away so it's been near impossible seeing much of my side for my d. And the few times we've managed a few hrs here or there , these in laws sure as eggs have popped up within days and stayed for wks afterwards , making damn sure they don't get left behind . 
like l guess l shouldn't warn my d about her only grandparents , l don't know , but l feel like it !

l dunno . How's everyone else handling this crap , any suggestions ?


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

You've been separated for a long time. You need to (IMHO) start having more concrete separation lines. That means keeping your nose out of your ex's business. What she and her family do with your daughter on their time is their business. Focus on your time with your daughter, and what you do with her.

C


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

You need to let it go. It's not something you have any control over and otherwise it will drive you crazy as long as they exist.


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## whitehawk (Aug 14, 2012)

So doesn't it seem strange to you? like you hear horror stories about grandparents in sitch's like this. Trying to take over , dominate or even get the kids.

Do you think they're up to something ?
That's what my concern is.
l don't mind them spending time around her as long as it's all just about sweet old grandparents being around their grand kids.

But don't forget , it's also my job to look out for her and not let her be manipulated .


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

whitehawk said:


> So doesn't it seem strange to you? like you hear horror stories about grandparents in sitch's like this. Trying to take over , dominate or even get the kids.
> 
> Do you think they're up to something ?
> That's what my concern is.
> ...


You don't get much of a say in what happens when your wife has her time with your daughter. The best you can realistically hope for is 50/50 custody, and enforce that. They won't be able to "take" your daughter from you, in all likelihood. All they can do is dominate your wife's time with your daughter, and there's nothing you can do about it.

C


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

If the grandparents are infringing on your time with your daughter then you need to enforce that boundary but there's really nothing you can do about the grandparents when your daughter is with her mom.

It's too bad that the grandparents can't behave for the sake of your daughter. I will tell you that I can relate a bit. My husband's parents get VERY jealous when the kids spend time with my parents. They act the same with my BIL and SIL's kids too. All of us have tried to keep things "even" but it didn't change anything. We do what we want now.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

As others have said, enforce your time with your daughter.

Ignore what goes on when your wife has your daughter. That's her time and she is not hurting your child in anyway.

You need to get a life of your own now, it's time for that.


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## whitehawk (Aug 14, 2012)

soccermom2three said:


> If the grandparents are infringing on your time with your daughter then you need to enforce that boundary but there's really nothing you can do about the grandparents when your daughter is with her mom.
> 
> It's too bad that the grandparents can't behave for the sake of your daughter. I will tell you that I can relate a bit. My husband's parents get VERY jealous when the kids spend time with my parents. They act the same with my BIL and SIL's kids too. All of us have tried to keep things "even" but it didn't change anything. We do what we want now.



Thanks for that Smum and everyone, appreciated .
Yep I'm sure they're competing with me a bit which is crazy. The relationship is hardly the same thing anyway but why would you even bother , l'm happy to work with everyone and so is my ex. 
My time wise , it's not too bad but there have been moments and they add up. My ex is very fair though l still do have to keep my eye on it and speak up a bit.

lt's not about my life Ele l have enough going on right now to fill a book and then there's the love life. Just what l've said though and l'll always be watching out for my girl .


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

Yup everyone has it covered. Just be the best Dad you can, enforce your visitation time with her and ignore the rest.

You can't control the grandparents and don't try to read too much into it. Maybe they just realize time with her is limited since she's growing up. Or maybe your ex doesn't visit THEM as much as they would like.

Let it go and don't speculate.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

What goes on at your ex-wife's house is up to her. That's just reality. So enjoy your new life and don't worry about what's going on there. Assume your daughter's having a great time with her grandparents.


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