# Doing a 180



## pjbap (Feb 19, 2011)

What is the best link. Thanks.


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## Anonymous_Female (Apr 16, 2011)

from survivinginfidelity.com, I found this to be all I needed to know. There is also a 180 support thread here on TAM, can't remember which forum it's in though.



Q: What is 180 and how does it work? 

A: 180 is a list of behaviors from Michelle Wiener Davis, the author of Divorce Busting, that will help your spouse to see you moving forward as a healthy person. I would highly suggest that any new BS begin these behaviors as soon as possible. I am convinced that if I had implemented them, I would still be married. In retrospect, I did everything besides 180. I looked pathetic. No one wants to be perceived as pathetic. 180 makes you look strong. Strong is attractive. (Making it) 

So here's the list: 

[Copyrighted content removed by request of copyright holder http://www.divorcebusting.com/]


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## Anonymous_Female (Apr 16, 2011)

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/going-...180-support-thread-how-many-us-same-boat.html


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## mmiller1234576 (May 3, 2011)

here is a quick 180 question.

Is this only for people at the phase of getting a divorce, in seperation, etc.

How long do you do it for? when do you stop.

My wife cheated on me (EA/Slight PA) but we are still living together and attempting to make this work. I read about 180 and hear how it worked for people, but I don't have the context leading up to the 180 to know if it is right. 

I have more but I someone can comment on just that to start.


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## Lilyana (Apr 12, 2011)

I started the 180 when my H and I were trying to work things out. The minute he noticed I was changing and doing things I enjoyed and not sitting an moping around the house waiting for him, thats when he wanted to work it out.

The 180 is a great tool in helping you keep some sort of sanity in the situation. I know it helped me tons. When you stop begging and pleading for them to pick you.. they start to wonder why you arent begging and pleading anymore and want to spend time with you to find out why! 

I have a lot of issues in my marriage so mine is headed to divorce, however I believe in the 180 and it can help you in whatever stage you are in!

It's tough to stick to tho.. expect a few slip ups! It happens.. but stay strong and get back on track right away.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

mmiller1234576 said:


> here is a quick 180 question.
> 
> Is this only for people at the phase of getting a divorce, in seperation, etc.


It doesn't matter what phase you're in. It's a personal tool to help yourself. It helps enpower you and strengthen you, and to reduce any co-dependency issues you might have. It has the side effect of making you look less weak and pathetic and make you more attractive to your spouse, but that isn't the main goal. It's to help you.



mmiller1234576 said:


> How long do you do it for? when do you stop.


If you notice, you don't have to stop some parts of the 180, like getting back into life. You modify the 180 to fit your particular situation, and do the parts that you feel are appropriate for your particular situation.



mmiller1234576 said:


> My wife cheated on me (EA/Slight PA) but we are still living together and attempting to make this work. I read about 180 and hear how it worked for people, but I don't have the context leading up to the 180 to know if it is right.


It depends on where exactly you are at in your R. Is she still not truly remorseful? Is there NC? Is she transparent? Does she empathize with your feelings? 

When I stopped crying, begging, and pleading, and started doing the 180 (I didn't know what it was called at the time), my wife noticed. All of a sudden she was following me around the house, calling me all the time, ACTUALLY always trying to hold my hand when we go somewhere (shocking!), sitting by me all the time. I actually started to feel like she was clingy!


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

I'm doing a 180 but my 180 is for me because I do not want my husband back. 15 years of lies, adultery and emotional abuse has taken it's toll on me. I am done with the marriage. I'm not really seeing any changes in my husband at all. He is still very lost in his fog with this ow. Even if he comes out of it, he is too late. He has lost me. I truly hope someday he regrets what he did and is sorry for what he did.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

AppleDucklings said:


> I'm doing a 180 but my 180 is for me because I do not want my husband back. 15 years of lies, adultery and emotional abuse has taken it's toll on me. I am done with the marriage. I'm not really seeing any changes in my husband at all. He is still very lost in his fog with this ow. Even if he comes out of it, he is too late. He has lost me. I truly hope someday he regrets what he did and is sorry for what he did.


Odds are he WILL regret it. Statistics show that only 3%-5% of affair relationships work out. Their relationship was built on lies and they will start to see all the ugly sides of each other, not just their best sides when they were in the fantasy of their affair.


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

lordmayhem said:


> Odds are he WILL regret it. Statistics show that only 3%-5% of affair relationships work out. Their relationship was built on lies and they will start to see all the ugly sides of each other, not just their best sides when they were in the fantasy of their affair.


he has had numerous affairs over the past 15 years we've been together. 2 have been a relationship and the rest have been just sex. He hasnt regretted it enough to stop before, why would he ever regret it at all?


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

AppleDucklings said:


> he has had numerous affairs over the past 15 years we've been together. 2 have been a relationship and the rest have been just sex. He hasnt regretted it enough to stop before, why would he ever regret it at all?


Because you have always been his safety net all these years. He never regretted it before because he knew you would always take him back no matter what.


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

lordmayhem said:


> Because you have always been his safety net all these years. He never regretted it before because he knew you would always take him back no matter what.


wow. You are right on the money.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

mmiller1234576 said:


> here is a quick 180 question.
> 
> Is this only for people at the phase of getting a divorce, in seperation, etc.
> 
> ...


A 180 can start at any time. If you are used to pursuing her, stop doing it. If she has told you she doesn't like something, do the opposite. I fyou have been meaning to try out something for awhile and never done it, DO IT. 180s are mostly for YOU.


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## mmiller1234576 (May 3, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> A 180 can start at any time. If you are used to pursuing her, stop doing it. If she has told you she doesn't like something, do the opposite. I fyou have been meaning to try out something for awhile and never done it, DO IT. 180s are mostly for YOU.


I think I am going to test the waters this weekend with one or 2 and slowly add more as needed to get the right seasoning....


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