# tips on how to better myself



## paramore (Jan 11, 2011)

Ok ladies, I need some tips here. I am working on my personal growth for myself and to show my husband I am making permanent changes, and that things wont go back to where they used to be. I am doing this for me, so weigh in and give me some things that worked for you..


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## notaname (Feb 4, 2011)

Well, I have changed a LOT in the past year or two. LOL Mostly in my head, though.

I don't know what kind of changes you are looking to make. I am the type of person who lives in their head and I really would love to be more of a "do-er." That is what I have been working towards.

Some things I have done that have really made a difference in my life and make me smile:

*I discovered my personal values and wrote them down. This helps me to weed things out of my life that don't line up. It also helps me to remember what to ADD to my life that is important to me.

*I made a vision board collage about living my best life. I LOVE it! I put it up in my bedroom and it just makes me smile every time I see it. It reminds me of my goals in different areas of my life-Relationships, Education, Career, Financial, Health.

*I decided to go after my dream career. I have an action plan with many little steps to get me there. I also have dates by them so I can actually accomplish the tasks in a timely manner.

*My best days are the ones that I don't turn on the computer until after noon. I try to keep my computer time down, too, because I seriously could waste the whole day online.

*Realize that I can work on something for a short period of time rather than try to wait until I have a whole day to devote to it. This has really helped me curb my procrastination problem. 

*LISTS. I've always been a list maker. Really, I love lists. The best part is making them realistic and just DOING the things on them. 

*I found an idea on a blog (christinekane.com) that I thought was cool. Instead of making New Year Resolutions you just choose one word that will define your year. My word is COURAGE. It is a scary word, but I knew it was the right one for my year.

*Exercise is always easier when you choose activities that you actually enjoy to begin with. I enjoy hiking the most so I do that. We also got a Wii for Christmas with a few fitness games that really do work my muscles.

*Rewards. When you need to do something that you really don't enjoy give yourself a little reward when you are done. Also, think about why you are doing it and how good it will make you feel to have it accomplished.


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## tobio (Nov 30, 2010)

Great post notaname... I too am a HUGE fan of lists!

I might have to pinch some of those ideas because they're good!


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## paramore (Jan 11, 2011)

I am trying to work on my temper, and I am working myself out of a funk I got myself in when I first got the internet really, my motivation went downhill, I was suffering with the emotional pain I was feeling for my husband. I was spending way too much time on WoW, etc. I am cutting my comp. time way down. Sucks cuz I have started reading ebooks lol. I am trying to work myself back to where I was personally before my kids were born, I really lost myself along the way.


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## notaname (Feb 4, 2011)

I can relate!

My anger is worst when I am thinking about other things...when I am not present with my children or whatever the current situation is.

Reading _The Power of Now_ by Eckart Tolle was helpful for me. However, it is much easier to read than to impliment.

I try to be present and stop thinking about what I would rather be doing (internet or whatever) and just focus on the needs of my children, or whatever the task is that I must complete.
When I do lose my temper I just be aware of my thoughts and actions. As soon as you are aware you will stop doing it....this does take some time and practice.

I found that the more I *tried* to control my anger the worse my outbursts got for awhile. It was like it would stay pent up in me and then explode out of nowhere. It was very frustrating for me and made me feel pretty bad about myself. That is why I no longer *try* to control my anger. Rather, I am aware of my emotions and use them is a positive way rather than negative. Anger is not a bad emotion, it is the actions that sometimes flow from it that can be negative or harmful.

Do you find that you are angry because you have to deal with a child or task and what you really want to do is be on your computer? That was kinda where I was. The computer is just another way we can avoid things in our life we would rather avoid. Some people use tv, books, drugs, porn or whatever...they all serve essentially the same purpose. Avoidance.

Not sure the age of your kids or if you work, but sometimes adding something to your life can really help. I went thru a short schooling program and now work 2 days a week from home. I am also working towards another career that I have always loved. I volunteer 4 hours a week in a way that helps me work towards that career.
This gives me purpose and drive. 

I used to work at my kid's school and that was really good for me, too.

I think I am a lot like you in that I love to learn and read. I love connecting with people via message boards. However, I realized that I wasn't truly living my life. I was living in my head and really missing out on fully enjoying nature and my family and my body.


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## notaname (Feb 4, 2011)

Another tip...this is from Fly Lady (flylady.net) although I'm sure she didn't make the idea up herself.

Use a TIMER. Set the timer for 15 minutes and GO. Sometimes we get overwhelmed, but you can do anything for 15 minutes. 

The timer is a perfect way to give yourself limits and control the urge to spend all day on the computer.


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## paramore (Jan 11, 2011)

Those are fantastic ideas Notaname, thanks!!


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## stumblealong (Jun 30, 2010)

notaname said:


> *I made a vision board collage about living my best life. I LOVE it! I put it up in my bedroom and it just makes me smile every time I see it. It reminds me of my goals in different areas of my life-Relationships, Education, Career, Financial, Health.


I think this is a awesome idea! I think I will try this too Great post!


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## notaname (Feb 4, 2011)

I'm glad you guys like them! I hope they help.

Stumblealong, you can get magazines to cut up from the thrift store for under a dollar.


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## debrajean (Dec 27, 2007)

paramore said:


> Ok ladies, I need some tips here. I am working on my personal growth for myself and to show my husband I am making permanent changes, and that things wont go back to where they used to be. I am doing this for me, so weigh in and give me some things that worked for you..


Not sure what you're looking to show him, but if you need for him to see what a wonderful person you are....think back to who you were when you met. What did he love about you then? Are those same qualities still present? Or have those qualities disappeared beneath a person you don't recognize? 

Or have you changed as you've gotten older? Many women marry young without a real concept of who they really are and as they get older their perceptions of who they are change as well. Many men can't adapt to that change and find themselves saying to their partner, "you're not the woman I married. Where'd she go?" 

A relationship should allow a couple to grow and change w/out losing love. None of us are the same people we were at twenty. There's a big difference between twenty and thirty or even forty. And a relationship should grow and change as well.


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## prettylady01 (Feb 25, 2011)

paramore said:


> Ok ladies, I need some tips here. I am working on my personal growth for myself and to show my husband I am making permanent changes, and that things wont go back to where they used to be. I am doing this for me, so weigh in and give me some things that worked for you..



A few years ago I really got into hypnotherapy and NLP (neuro linguistics programming) Changed my life!! I now see that we are responsible for ourselves in everything we do. Our happiness is up to us. And change can be pretty easy, its not as hopeless as some make it out to be. Our thoughts and beliefs can be changed quickly and we can create an amazing life NOW! It doesnt take years of therapy, or medication or anything like that.

I have all kinds of resources, books and ideas, it just depends on what exactly it is you want to work on. Let me know and I will share all I can


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## paramore (Jan 11, 2011)

after my second child, I completely changed....from super laid back easy going to a spitfire I guess....I guess I am controlling, have a temper, quite a mouth, etc. I want to find the other girl. I want to find the girl my husband fell in love with, I want to save my marriage, but I wanna better myself. We were only a couple for a bit before I got preggers, got preggers again when eldest was 6 months old, and I guess according to him, I completely changed.

We got married at 20 and 21.


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