# He left last weekend



## Dog Lover (Feb 5, 2012)

I don't even know where to start...been married 18 years...16 of them great, the last 2 not so great, but not awful either. 3 weeks ago he told me he was not happy, not sure what he wants, is very confused, and is thinking about going somewhere to have time and space to think. Had quite a few great talks about eveything that has changed and ways to hopefully make things better. 2 week later he decides he needs some time away, and starts staying in a friends basement. He had suffered from depression for many years and I don't know if this has anything to do with that or his meds. He has been gone a week now and I am MISERABLE. Miss him every minute, it is good when I see him, we talk, text even going to counceling. I am totally broken hearted, I feel like he is running away without trying to fix things. He says he needs to figure out what he whats, he has never been on his own, but he loves me and our family, but all the stress drives him insane. 
Where do I go from here, how long do I wait for him to decide my future, being stuck in limbo sucks, but I don't want to push him for an answer or for him to come home and have things get worse. How do you start healing when you don't know what is going to happen. We have only seperated finances as far as he gives me money for out joint bills and the kids stuff, he keeps the rest of his, I keep the rest of mine. He has only taken a few days worth of clothes, so I keep hoping it will be short term, but so far he has no answers. I just want to stop hurting and accept that as of right now there is nothing I can do, but that is so much easier said than done.


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## CSeryllum (Jan 23, 2012)

There is nothing you can really do about him making this decision. It's on his head, and in his time frame. Though not entirely, you can eventually draw a line and say "I've had enough, i'm done with this and moving on." And be prepared, it may come to that, but it may not.

Don't sit around waiting. That won't help, it will only deepen the wound. Move on with your life as if it is already over...if he changes his mind, then you will be in a position to decide, for yourself and what you want, if you want him back.

Do things to get out in the world and find things that take your mind off of whats going on in your personal life. It's hard, crippling at times...but the more you do it, the better you will feel about everything, the less weight it feels is on your shoulders.


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## accept (Dec 1, 2011)

No dont move on yet. Then he wont come back. What exactly is the problem. How can it suddenly start after so many 'good' years. Often people say here about others that they are not sure what they want. I rarely believe them. Most people know exactly what they want but dont know how to achieve it.


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## Dog Lover (Feb 5, 2012)

I wish I had a good answer for what the problem is. He says he doesn't know what he wants and he hasn't been happy for a while. I agree things have not been perfect, my "side" of things....we both work a lot to make the bills get paid, we don't have a lot of time for each other. We tend to be in crisis mode...the kids did this, the car is broke, the water heater is leaking, the dog is sick...ect. It seems like all of converstions have been about stuff around us and somewhere we lost us. I want to make it work. I think the major event that started this was he had to go away for for about 5 weeks to his hometown (1500 miles away) to do some work for an injured family member. When he was there he was living with no responsibility, gas on our CC, food cooked for him, friends and family around. Then he came back to the normal crazy world we live in, and I think it just drove him nuts..no peace, no quiet, no space to breath. He got home 6 weeks before he told me first that he wasn't happy...then 2 weeks later he went to stay with friends


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## accept (Dec 1, 2011)

so you know what you have to do. Somehow 'uncraze' your world. Maybe you should seek help how to do it. It seems he cant take it. Anyone would run away from a place where you cant 'breath'!


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## hesnothappy (Mar 5, 2011)

There is very little you can do for him....you can do a lot of you. Keep moving forward in your life. If he returns and you both can make a go of it...Wonderful. If he doesn't you will be in a position to handle what ever comes along. I was told the same thing, and 30days later he was gone and no desire to return, I hurt with everything in me...but I didn't let that stop my life. I didn't have any control over anything but me and my response to him leaving. I never got a reason and now it does not matter...it is life. But nothng about my life is the worse for him leaving. You will have some dark days till the sun comes out and everything is clear. You will be fine either way.


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