# Insult or not???



## Greenfrog77 (Nov 19, 2018)

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 18 months and we’ve always enjoyed a fun-filled and interesting sexual life. We joined the lifestyle in February and since then we’ve had a number of MMF’s and adventures as we like to call them. Last Thursday we met up with one of our play dates and as usual we had an amazing time. Approximately ten minutes after we left our dates’ house my boyfriend and I spoke on the phone since we had driven separately. During our conversation I commented on how I saw that he “struggled” during our second round. He apologized and I told him there was no need as his friend had also struggled. That same evening when we arrived at our home he was upset at me and he hardly spoke to me. The following day he told me he was “crushed” by my comment because he feels I was measuring his performance. I explained to him that that was not the case and I simply asked him because I wanted to know why he did not cum a second time or if something had bothered him which caused him not to finish. He is adamant that I am measuring his performance because during the initial conversation I simply said “you struggled a bit.” He was so upset that he said we are “done” because he lost respect for me. He does not want to be intimate with me because he thinks if we have sex I will be thinking he’s “crap!l Any explanation I give him to clarify that my comment was not an intentional attempt at insulting him renders negative results. He says every explanation is BS and that he can no longer look at me in the eyes or respect me because that was the lowest blow I could have delivered to him. Mind you in our 18-month relationship, I have told him repeatedly that he has given me the best sexual pleasure out of any man I have been with. However, he still feels I am measuring his performance, is still upset, and does not want to engage in intimacy or kiss me. Was I wrong to inquire on why he was struggling?? Was it offensive?? Or is he taking the comment out of context??


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

You do measure his sexual performance. Telling him that he's the best is measuring him against all the other men you have been with.

I guess some people do that. It's never even entered my mind to tell someone how they performed sexually against other's I've had sex with. Nor has any man ever made comments to me that compare me to other women that he's been with. It's probably not a wise thing to do.

My take on his reaction to his not finishing last Thursday is that he feels insecure about it. And you even saying that you noticed that he was struggling only confirms to him that he was inadequate. Is he really into the MMF? Or is that all for you? I wonder if he feels that he has to compete with the other guy when this happens?

He's insecure. A lot of guys are. There is not a lot you can do about it at this point. Well, maybe you can tell him that you love him and he's a great lover. And then stop trying to explain to him what you did or did not mean.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

I noticed you didn’t mention whether you also had FFM’s.Does your boyfriend only agree to this arrangement because otherwise you wouldn’t find him “adequate” in bed.And are all your other “adventures” mainly geared towards your pleasure rather than his?
I don’t participate in the lifestyle as you call it,I don’t play well with others and I don’t share.What I have noticed about people in this situation is usually (but not always) one partner is getting most of the benefits while the other one is mainly a bystander and I honestly believe this is the case here.
I think he’s done to be honest


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*So "who" introduced "who" to this so-called "play-dating lifestyle?"

Did he introduce you? Or did you introduce him to it? *


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

It’s the ‘lifestyle’. Something always goes wrong eventually or someone gets insecure or uncomfortable or hurt or carried away or whatever. I have seen it many times. The risks are not worth it if you want to keep a relationship going. It’s not just ‘fun & games’, you are both playing with fire. You need to let him **** your brains out (to ‘reclaim’ you) and quit this ‘lifestyle’. It’s not for everyone. Actually it’s for very very few.


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## Greenfrog77 (Nov 19, 2018)

Thanks for the responses. Elegirl you’re right not much I can do!! I’ve done my fair share of explaining and I get nowhere. Andy1001 The MMF’s is something we both enjoy and it is what he prefers and requests of me. So he doesn’t agree to anything for my pleasure only. He is not into FFM’s, although we did have one adventure with a couple.


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## Greenfrog77 (Nov 19, 2018)

Arbitrator, he was the one who searched for the play date and the only one who communicates and sets up the adventures.


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

EleGirl said:


> My take on his reaction to his not finishing last Thursday is that he feels insecure about it.



It was the Second round. Isn’t it completely normal not to finish or find it harder to finish the second or third times? In any case it takes much longer after the first. (It’s different for a woman).
But it could be insecurity or it could be just biology. This isn’t the problem. His reaction to her comment is the problem. And the reaction/insecurity is due to the lifestyle.



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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

Greenfrog77 said:


> Arbitrator, he was the one who searched for the play date and the only one who communicates and sets up the adventures.



Why did you agree? You have to set boundaries in your relationships: if there’s something you don’t want to do, you have to be able to say ‘no thanks’.


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## Greenfrog77 (Nov 19, 2018)

Inmyprime i agree the lifestyle is not for everyone, but we have good communication and we discuss things that we feel went wrong. Every adventure thus far has given us a new learning experience. We realize we are playing with fire, which is why we have an understanding that if things go south and insecurity and jealous are factors we will quit.


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

Greenfrog77 said:


> Thanks for the responses. Elegirl you’re right not much I can do!! I’ve done my fair share of explaining and I get nowhere. Andy1001 The MMF’s is something we both enjoy and it is what he prefers and requests of me. So he doesn’t agree to anything for my pleasure only. He is not into FFM’s, although we did have one adventure with a couple.




Can I ask you what aspects you enjoy about it? My theory why these things rarely work out (I don’t mean to sound judgemental because some people do seem to be happy with this lifestyle and practice it without bad side effects for a long time but it is rare), is because two people enjoy it for different reasons and when one of them realised that the other partner’s reaction doesn’t go according to HIS fantasy (how he or she imagined it), he gets insecure and that’s when things breakdown.
And because it’s so difficult to communicate exactly how everyone is supposed to act or react beforehand, it is very easy for things to not go according to plan or fall apart.

Would you be happy with just him and not share?


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

Greenfrog77 said:


> Inmyprime i agree the lifestyle is not for everyone, but we have good communication and we discuss things that we feel went wrong. Every adventure thus far has given us a new learning experience. We realize we are playing with fire, which is why we have an understanding that if things go south and insecurity and jealous are factors we will quit.




Then can you communicate exactly that to him now? Say that you feel that it’s time to press the ‘eject’ button. Don’t put the blame on him (I know you don’t).
I worry in his mind, he may have crossed the line and only finds you ‘****able’ if there’s someone else who wants to **** you as well. Yet his insecurity has taken over. So in his mind it might be easier for him to find a new partner where he doesn’t have this conflict of feelings and start anew.
I hope you work it out though. If you say you have good communications, now would be the time to use it.


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## Greenfrog77 (Nov 19, 2018)

inmyprime said:


> Can I ask you what aspects you enjoy about it? My theory why these things rarely work out (I don’t mean to sound judgemental because some people do seem to be happy with this lifestyle and practice it without bad side effects for a long time but it is rare), is because two people enjoy it for different reasons and when one of them realised that the other partner’s reaction doesn’t go according to HIS fantasy (how he or she imagined it), he gets insecure and that’s when things breakdown.
> And because it’s so difficult to communicate exactly how everyone is supposed to act or react beforehand, it is very easy for things to not go according to plan or fall apart.
> 
> Would you be happy with just him and not share?
> ...




Inmyprime I definitely would be happy with just him and he knows I don’t share him. Like I said MMF’s is something he suggested and I was okay with it. The many things that cannot be accomplished with only one person (double pleasure) is what enjoy about these adventures. My man gets aroused by seeing my pleasure another man, but he also likes to participate. He’s never just a bystander. He considers himself a stag. I also thought about him being insecure but when I mentioned it he denied it. 


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Greenfrog77 said:


> Inmyprime i agree the lifestyle is not for everyone, but we have good communication and we discuss things that we feel went wrong. Every adventure thus far has given us a new learning experience. We realize we are playing with fire, which is why we have an understanding that if things go south and insecurity and jealous are factors we will quit.


*In these MMF trysts, does he ever bring himself to touch or have sex with the other male subjects? 

For a lot of us, just surviving a normal one-on-one heterosexual relationship can be equated with "playing with fire" and a rather exasperating experience in and of itself, much less with bringing third parties into it! *


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## Greenfrog77 (Nov 19, 2018)

arbitrator said:


> *In these MMF trysts, does he ever bring himself to touch or have sex with the other male subjects?
> 
> For a lot of us, just surviving a normal one-on-one heterosexual relationship can be equated with "playing with fire" and a rather exasperating experience in and of itself, much less with bringing third parties into it! *




He does not have sex with the other male subjects. 


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

Greenfrog77 said:


> Inmyprime I definitely would be happy with just him and he knows I don’t share him. Like I said MMF’s is something he suggested and I was okay with it. The many things that cannot be accomplished with only one person (double pleasure) is what enjoy about these adventures. My man gets aroused by seeing my pleasure another man, but he also likes to participate. He’s never just a bystander. He considers himself a stag. I also thought about him being insecure but when I mentioned it he denied it.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk



Yes I thought exactly that...I know how this goes down and seen it many times...Don’t say this to him but he brought it onto himself.
You guys need to quit it. If you do it for longer, the other risk you two run is that you will actually start enjoying it ‘properly’ and fall for the other guy eventually. That part, you can mention to him (that you don’t know if you can trust yourself in future and whether he is willing to risk it), as a reason for it to stop.
(There is only so many times you can get ****ed by someone before you start ‘liking’ them. Maybe some guys can do it. It’s harder for women. The bonding hormones will do the job.)

I should say that many guys have these thoughts and fantasies. (I sometimes do too but my wife keeps me on my toes and I respect her). Keep them as fantasies.


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## Greenfrog77 (Nov 19, 2018)

inmyprime said:


> Then can you communicate exactly that to him now? Say that you feel that it’s time to press the ‘eject’ button. Don’t put the blame on him (I know you don’t).
> I worry in his mind, he may have crossed the line and only finds you ‘****able’ if there’s someone else who wants to **** you as well. Yet his insecurity has taken over. So in his mind it might be easier for him to find a new partner where he doesn’t have this conflict of feelings and start anew.
> I hope you work it out though. If you say you have good communications, now would be the time to use it.
> 
> ...




I’ve tried to explain to him the reasoning for my comment. But I have never put blame on him. Hopefully we can work things out. Thanks!


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## Greenfrog77 (Nov 19, 2018)

inmyprime said:


> Yes I thought exactly that...I know how this goes down and seen it many times...Don’t say this to him but he brought it onto himself.
> You guys need to quit it. If you do it for longer, the other risk you two run is that you will actually start enjoying it ‘properly’ and fall for the other guy eventually. That part, you can mention to him (that you don’t know if you can trust yourself in future and whether he is willing to risk it), as a reason for it to stop.
> (There is only so many times you can get ****ed by someone before you start ‘liking’ them. Maybe some guys can do it. It’s harder for women. The bonding hormones will do the job.)
> 
> ...




We actually ran into a problem with this current play date as the other guy caught feelings for me. Yet after discussing the issue he is still okay with continued adventures with this man. 


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Greenfrog77 said:


> We actually ran into a problem with this current play date as the other guy caught feelings for me. Yet after discussing the issue he is still okay with continued adventures with this man.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


*Leave this lifestyle altogether ~ it is only an open, perpetual invitation to eventual disaster with the many associated mind games!

If he comes back around, you need to convey to him that you only want the love and security of a one-on-one, exclusive heterosexual relationship with him!

If that's not good enough for him, then I'd have to say that he's certainly not looking out for your best interests!*


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

Greenfrog77 said:


> We actually ran into a problem with this current play date as the other guy caught feelings for me. Yet after discussing the issue he is still okay with continued adventures with this man.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk



Yes so that’s your problem right there. How did it come out that he had feelings? Is he a friend of yours or your boyfriend’s?


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

Greenfrog77 said:


> I also thought about him being insecure but when I mentioned it he denied it.




Yeah you don’t mention it. Of course he will deny it!
You can be the bigger person and just say that you don’t think this arrangement is working for either of you and you feel the risks are too high. You want to just be able to **** him. If he does not agree, it will tell you that he maybe just sees you as his ‘play’ object and does not really consider to be deeply involved with you. In which case it’s better the breakup happens earlier rather than later.
You kids...


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Greenfrog77 said:


> Thanks for the responses. Elegirl you’re right not much I can do!! I’ve done my fair share of explaining and I get nowhere. Andy1001 The MMF’s is something we both enjoy and it is what he prefers and requests of me. So he doesn’t agree to anything for my pleasure only. He is not into FFM’s, although we did have one adventure with a couple.


Not to be picky....

Is it MMF you play at, or MFM?

There is a difference.

Look it up.

Most here, I assume, assume it is MFM.
.....................................................................................................

It takes a special man, or men that can pull this off.
I assume, having never tried it.

A women in the middle, two men doing their best to please her.
To rock. jostle her world, literally.

It seems to me that the participants, especially the men would have little romantic interest in the women for it to work....well.

Or, one or both would have 'tremendous' love for the lady in the middle.
Seeing her in ecstasy being primarily important to them [or him].

This is rare, I would think.

It likely would be the case with a much older man and a younger women couple.

I do assume the suppose. :scratchhead:


Or, just using her, pleasing themselves.
Or, a little of both.


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## syhoybenden (Feb 21, 2013)

Oooo. "The Lifestyle". Pphhhffftt.

Just desserts.

Deal with it.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

My thinking is he wanted to try it to please you.
You have indicated a liking for this...OK.

Your BF, 'said' OK, he was good with it, then likely saw himself as a sex tool for you.
Seeing nothing else from your end.

You did not make him feel special. 
He likely had romantic feelings for you, he would do anything for you...

Then, he was convinced that sharing your lovely baubles was good.

Going along with a partners wish does not always equate to enjoying it.

Yes, of course he feels inadequate. 

He is the most commonplace man.
A one woman, one man..person.

He is monogamous.
If he was 'not' before all this sex sharing, he is 'now'.

He saw the light. 
He saw you in the daylight.
The bright light showed him a side of you that he is not comfortable with.

My suggestion?
Get this behavior out of your system before settling down with one man, one penis.

Oh, and then move out of Dodge. 
To a place where you are unknown.

That is, if you want to settle down with a single man.
Most men would be upset if they got wind of this sort of thing in your past adventures.

This is how people get fat. 
Figuratively. Uh, forget it!
They cannot just eat one piece of chocolate, one Lay's potato chip.

Nope!


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## Ed3n (Sep 25, 2018)

OP, My husband (of 19 years) is one of the most sexually secure men that I have ever been with, but if I mention ANYTHING about his not getting hard enough, struggling to finish, etc. he instantly gets offended (usually he gets very self conscious). He tries to joke about it, and brush it off, but it bothers him. It is not insecurity, but more about being self-conscious. 

If you notice that your man is struggling during the act, you could try to help him out, without drawing attention to his difficulties. Oral is a good go-to move, especially if you say something like "My mouth is watering just thinking about you! I want you, NOW!" (or whatever works for you, and him) Does he like it when you take control? A situation like that would be the perfect time for you to don your dominant seductress persona, so he can get out of his own head, and stop worrying about how things down south are not cooperating. :wink2:

If you want to mention it after you're finished, and NOT naked in the bedroom, try something along the lines of "That second time really wore me out! How about you?" This way you can address your concerns about everything being okay, without making him feel inadequate, of singling him out.

My husband rarely has issues, and has gotten MUCH better since I have never made it into a big deal. I just wink at him, and smile as I tell him "I like a challenge" or teasingly say "Are you playing hard to get? Good, now I can make you beg!" with a playful evil laugh, if things are not going as well as he wants them to. It reassures him that I don't think of his lack of "rising to the occasion" as a measure of his manhood, and that I don't take it personally. 

In his own words "That's why the call it a pr**k. Sometimes it has a mind of its own!" He has told me that I am the first woman he has been with that makes him feel secure when things just aren't working out right for him. He knows that no matter what happens, it is okay. I understand. (Using my husband, and how I deal with him is the easiest way for me to explain potential solutions. Sorry if it making this post too long.) 

Women can have their own performance issues from time to time. Haven't you ever had an issue getting in the mood, not wet enough, or just too tired to have a fun and freaky night? It happens to the best of us! > However, we get the benefit of toys, lube, partners willing to lend a hand, tongue, or any body part of his that we ask for, AND the added bonus of not having our arousal (or lack of) standing at attention for our partner to see. It is easier for us to hide any difficulty that we may have getting aroused, and we usually have multiple resources to help us out if needed. 

So, yes, it was an unintentional insult, even though you asked a seemingly harmless question. He is also overreacting to your question, that was based out of concern. You guys can either get things all twisted in what he perceives as a slight to his manhood, or you can talk about it. First, acknowledge that you could have asked him about what happened in a way that is more understanding of how he might be feeling. (Yeah, I know, it seems absurd, but trust me, (most) men are sensitive about their ability to perform (IME) To be fair, so are most women.) 

I suggest saying something along the lines of "You know baby (or whatever pet name you use for him), I am always happy to help to lend a hand (add in a playful wink) to help out. It really turns me on!" 

Instead of asking a question out of concern, try some playful teasing. Instead of "Are you okay? You couldn't keep it up, and I was worried you weren't in the mood." Try "I don't envy men. I don't need a break between O's" with a sexy/playful smile on your face. Then suggest a challenge to see how many he can give you in one lovemaking session, before one of you needs to take a break. (It will give him the chance to reestablish that he is a virile male, who can satisfy his woman.) 

Sex is adult play. Try to keep it that way. 

As for your lifestyle choices, if it works for both of you, and ya'll keep it honest, and make your relationship the top priority...party on! >


(I hope my post made sense. It's been a LONG day!)


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

Maybe the guy is fed up sharing and has lost attraction for you. Tell me do you orgasm easier with your playmates than your boyfriend? 
The fact that you know your **** buddy has developed feelings for you and you still have sex with him says a lot about your own character,and if your boyfriend is really ok with this then you need to be asking yourself what he really thinks about you and what he sees you as. 
A masturbation tool is my opinion.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

As you've said, OP, the 'lifestyle' isn't for everyone (but there are literally millions of couples in just the US who do). You've gotten some good comments and questions here, without some of the judgmental negativity I've seen so often about this and related topics - I'm really pleased by the overall tone of this thread. 

We've been more or less active in the lifestyle - or some other variation on non-monogamy, such as polyamory - for nearly 20 years. For the most part, it has been fun and exciting. There have been occasional, but solvable, issues with minor insecurity, or with other partners. (A few got clingy, so we had to stop seeing them. Developing feelings isn't necessarily a deal breaker, because we're polyamorous, but each situation requires its own response. Someone developing feelings for one of us has happened - how we respond depends on how we feel about them, too.) Usually, these issues present opportunities for improving communication between us, or with others, and opportunities for growth in various ways (e.g., dealing with irrational jealousy or insecurity). We've done MFM and FMF about equally, but usually play with other couples, and sometimes we've played alone or separately.

We will also stop if either of us wants to, and we _have_ taken breaks from seeing others when it seemed best to do so, but have - so far - decided to resume and have more adventures.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Greenfrog77 said:


> He does not have sex with *the other male subjects*.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


Subjects, they are?

Very cool words. Brrr.

Oh my..:surprise:


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Greenfrog77 said:


> Thanks for the responses. Elegirl you’re right not much I can do!! I’ve done my fair share of explaining and I get nowhere. Andy1001 The MMF’s is something we both enjoy and it is what he prefers and requests of me.


You do know that "MMF" means the men interact, don't you? If your boyfriend isn't crossing swords with the other guy, then you need to stop calling it MMF. It's *MFM*.

Secondly, the boyfriend is obviously into hot-wifing and is getting off on it, so to whine like a damned 3 year old and have his little tantrum because you DARED to mention he seemed to be struggling a bit to get off a second time just makes him look like such a childish idiot. Doesn't it seem a bit odd to wonder if a comment you made was 'offensive' when you consider what you were doing that caused you to make the comment in the first place? It seems silly to worry about 'offending' someone whose happy to watch his girlfriend get banged 3 ways into Sunday. I mean, come on.

Tell him to get the **** over it. Seriously, if you want to play with fire, sometimes you're just going to get burned, that's how it goes. And Mr. Sensitive got burned. Too bad, so very sad.

Offer him up a lifetime of vanilla sex and no more men for him to watch you perform with and see how quick he changes his mind.


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## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

Greenfrog77 said:


> Inmyprime i agree the lifestyle is not for everyone, but we have good communication and we discuss things that we feel went wrong. Every adventure thus far has given us a new learning experience. We realize we are playing with fire, which is why we have an understanding that if things go south and insecurity and jealous are factors we will quit.


It sounds like you might be at the quitting point. If you want to keep this relationship you are going to have to tread carefully. Was there something different about this time. Was the other guy much larger than your boyfriend? was he better looking? Anything that could explain the sudden insecurity. 

I think you apologized and tried to clarify so thats good. He might come around with a little time, all you can do is be loving and patient. 

The couples that can survive in the lifestyle for an extended period of time are a rare breed. Normally the successful ones have a long background together and their relationship is built on a great foundation and the sex play is just a small part of their lives. It sounds like you guys didn't have that strong foundation to start so this small incident might have crushed it. 

He might have been feeling over the swinging for a while but was afraid that it was the base of the relationship and things wouldn't work without it.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Greenfrog77 said:


> My boyfriend and I have been dating for 18 months and we’ve always enjoyed a fun-filled and interesting sexual life*. We joined the lifestyle in February* and since then we’ve had a number of MMF’s and adventures as we like to call them. Last Thursday we met up with one of our play dates and as usual we had an amazing time. Approximately ten minutes after we left our dates’ house my boyfriend and I spoke on the phone since we had driven separately. During our conversation I commented on how I saw that he “struggled” during our second round. He apologized and I told him there was no need as his friend had also struggled. That same evening when we arrived at our home he was upset at me and he hardly spoke to me. The following day he told me he was “crushed” by my comment because he feels I was measuring his performance. I explained to him that that was not the case and I simply asked him because I wanted to know why he did not cum a second time or if something had bothered him which caused him not to finish. He is adamant that I am measuring his performance because during the initial conversation I simply said “you struggled a bit.” He was so upset that he said we are “done” because he lost respect for me. He does not want to be intimate with me because he thinks if we have sex I will be thinking he’s “crap!l Any explanation I give him to clarify that my comment was not an intentional attempt at insulting him renders negative results. He says every explanation is BS and that he can no longer look at me in the eyes or respect me because that was the lowest blow I could have delivered to him. Mind you in our 18-month relationship, I have told him repeatedly that he has given me the best sexual pleasure out of any man I have been with. However, he still feels I am measuring his performance, is still upset, and does not want to engage in intimacy or kiss me. Was I wrong to inquire on why he was struggling?? Was it offensive?? Or is he taking the comment out of context??


Maybe it is time to decouple from "the lifestyle?"

And you call them playdates? Really? :scratchhead:

Perhaps it's time for some adulting by the two of you?

There are a number of problems with "the lifestyle."

You have spotted several of them already, but you seem to be ignoring them whilst you are in a dopamine frenzy.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Yes, they were very cool words, brrrrr. I missed that.

How very astute and on the money!

Btw, for OP. There are generally two camps of men regarding their sensitivity to not hostile perhaps but disparaging if even a stretch, comments on their "performance ".

One is; the he$$ with your opinion, it's not about you anyway, this f*** is for me so your opinion means nothing. Which leans towards having a tough guy attitude that will often manifest outside the beduouir, mind you not in any hostile or abusive way, just maybe there being no doubt who wears the pants in the relationship.
And this isn't a negative; this man keeps his own counsel, usually very responsible in his career and a good leader in his home, and does truly care for his SO. One can depend on this type of man to take a bullet if it comes to that, God forbid. He will protect those hes decided hes responsible for. You won't hurt his feelings because he can't afford to let you. And he won't be worried about the next encounter, he'll make it a point to reinforce to you you'll be thoroughly enjoyed. F....d like he owns you. And life goes on. Problem solved.

The second type of man will let your casual comments on his "performance" crush him, and he'll worry on it like a dog worries about a bone. He'll start to pick fights over nothing with you, and no amount of explaining by you will help his "hurt feelings". Say hello to passive aggressive arguments. All because he's not strong enough in his own person to say well sh!!! happens and just move on. 


The third type of man is mostly type one, a very little bit of type two (in today's PC climate).

Btw, that's me 😎😎😎. Love me or don't. I can take either.

And many men here on TAM are the same. It's a balance.


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## BigToe (Jun 2, 2011)

Listen, men want to hear only two things. 

1) You are the BIGGEST I have ever had
2) You are the BEST I have ever had

If it's not true, LIE! Yes, it was wrong of you to inquire about his performance. In your case, you need to also make sure you always confirm that he was bigger and better than the other guy.


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

The biggest issue is going to arise when one of your MMF playdates turns out to be with a pornstar. Some guy is going to turn you on like never before and your husband won't be able to deal with it. He can't handle you mentioning that he 'struggled'. What will his reaction be when some guys really rocks your world, over and over again?


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## Greenfrog77 (Nov 19, 2018)

inmyprime said:


> Yes so that’s your problem right there. How did it come out that he had feelings? Is he a friend of yours or your boyfriend’s?
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk




He found him on a lifestyle website Andy boyfriend is the only one who communicates with him. 


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## Bananapeel (May 4, 2015)

I don't know if your BF is really done or not, but you might want to just respect his decision and let him choose if he wants to continue with you or not. How about call him up and tell him that? If he's really done then you don't have to waste any more of your time worrying about how to fix this. If he's not really done he'll probably not be happy with the thought of you moving on and that will entice him to talk with you and figure things out.


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## Greenfrog77 (Nov 19, 2018)

SunCMars said:


> My thinking is he wanted to try it to please you.
> 
> You have indicated a liking for this...OK.
> 
> ...




Actually he didn’t go along to please me. I’m the one that agreed to please him. Previous to him, i had only had one adventure and it didn’t go well so I never engaged in further play. I can eat just one chip or piece of chocolate, but he is the one that enjoys seeing me with another man. Also I always make sure he is the one receiving the most pleasure, which is why I asked if anything had happened that bothered him. He knows how special he is to me in and out of the adventures. 


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## Greenfrog77 (Nov 19, 2018)

Ed3n said:


> OP, My husband (of 19 years) is one of the most sexually secure men that I have ever been with, but if I mention ANYTHING about his not getting hard enough, struggling to finish, etc. he instantly gets offended (usually he gets very self conscious). He tries to joke about it, and brush it off, but it bothers him. It is not insecurity, but more about being self-conscious.
> 
> 
> 
> ...




Wow!! Thanks for this amazing response and advise. I couldn’t agree more!!! I have never judged him about any topic or kinks he has. Congrats on your solid marriage. I hope to be there one day with this man. He is the love of my life. As for the lifestyle, yes we have rules and boundaries. We agreed that as long as we are both ok with it and we only engage in it to spice things up we can continue. Otherwise if it creates problems we are both fine with leaving the lifestyle. 


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## Greenfrog77 (Nov 19, 2018)

Andy1001 said:


> Maybe the guy is fed up sharing and has lost attraction for you. Tell me do you orgasm easier with your playmates than your boyfriend?
> The fact that you know your **** buddy has developed feelings for you and you still have sex with him says a lot about your own character,and if your boyfriend is really ok with this then you need to be asking yourself what he really thinks about you and what he sees you as.
> A masturbation tool is my opinion.




I don’t always climax during our adventures. It is easier for me with just my BF. He does it for me 100% and I’ve always told him. 


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## Greenfrog77 (Nov 19, 2018)

Married but Happy said:


> As you've said, OP, the 'lifestyle' isn't for everyone (but there are literally millions of couples in just the US who do). You've gotten some good comments and questions here, without some of the judgmental negativity I've seen so often about this and related topics - I'm really pleased by the overall tone of this thread.
> 
> 
> 
> ...




We have not run I to issues In every adventure, but the few times we have we definitely have used it as a learning tool. We communicate, learn from it and do our best to avoid similar issues. 


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## Greenfrog77 (Nov 19, 2018)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> You do know that "MMF" means the men interact, don't you? If your boyfriend isn't crossing swords with the other guy, then you need to stop calling it MMF. It's *MFM*.
> 
> Secondly, the boyfriend is obviously into hot-wifing and is getting off on it, so to whine like a damned 3 year old and have his little tantrum because you DARED to mention he seemed to be struggling a bit to get off a second time just makes him look like such a childish idiot. Doesn't it seem a bit odd to wonder if a comment you made was 'offensive' when you consider what you were doing that caused you to make the comment in the first place? It seems silly to worry about 'offending' someone whose happy to watch his girlfriend get banged 3 ways into Sunday. I mean, come on.
> 
> ...




I don’t know much about the lifestyle so I did not know it was MFM and not MMF. Thanks for the clarification! 


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## Greenfrog77 (Nov 19, 2018)

happyhusband0005 said:


> It sounds like you might be at the quitting point. If you want to keep this relationship you are going to have to tread carefully. Was there something different about this time. Was the other guy much larger than your boyfriend? was he better looking? Anything that could explain the sudden insecurity.
> 
> 
> 
> ...




Nothing different this time around and the other man’s looks or size has never been a factor that affects my BF. He knows that i can do without the adventures as he is the one I love. I’m not with him for the adventures. I’m with him because I’m in love with him. You’re right I have done my fair share of apologizing and at this juncture I just need to be patient and loving. 


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## Greenfrog77 (Nov 19, 2018)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> Yes, they were very cool words, brrrrr. I missed that.
> 
> 
> 
> ...




Thanks for your response. Definitely sheds a lot of light on our problem. 


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## Steelman (Mar 5, 2018)

Greenfrog77 said:


> We actually ran into a problem with this current play date as the other guy caught feelings for me. Yet after discussing the issue he is still okay with continued adventures with this man.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


That sounds healthy.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

@Greenfrog77

How old are you and your boyfriend? Knowing the ages helps to get a better idea of some things.


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## Greenfrog77 (Nov 19, 2018)

EleGirl said:


> @Greenfrog77
> 
> 
> 
> How old are you and your boyfriend? Knowing the ages helps to get a better idea of some things.




He’s 45. I’m 40. 


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

Greenfrog77 said:


> Previous to him, i had only had one adventure and it didn’t go well so I never engaged in further play.



Can I ask what went wrong that time? (Nosey ) and who suggested it?
If it was before your current BF, I guess you have had experience with this already?



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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Greenfrog77 said:


> Actually he didn’t go along to please me. I’m the one that agreed to please him. Previous to him, i had only had one adventure and it didn’t go well so I never engaged in further play. I can eat just one chip or piece of chocolate, but he is the one that enjoys seeing me with another man. Also I always make sure he is the one receiving the most pleasure, which is why I asked if anything had happened that bothered him. He knows how special he is to me in and out of the adventures.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


Here's the thing.

He lied, no he didn't.

What he wanted, he got, though in the end, it laid him mentally low.

Some piece of the puzzle is missing.

It is not the warm pieces that you share.
It has to be something not thought about?

Maybe your words, the tone of your voice, your response to the other lucky pal.

Men can change their mind, too, two or three times.

For him to get nasty and cold at the end means that you meant something to him.... before the end.
Obviously, you angered him.

You must figure this out with facts prior to any sign of discontent on his part.
His part in the adventure.

I know, I know that is why you are here! :surprise:

This feeling in him has/had come to an end sometime prior to this one adventure. 

It likely has to do with the other 'object' present in the last adventure. The dude that took a shine on you.
A warm, flush-red shine with you.

Your boyfriend did not see you rebuff him for this. 
Why would you? Of course.
He may not see it that way.

I have noticed many times myself, that other people view things totally different than me.
Ways, not logically based, emotionally based.

Love is a wondrous thing.
Until it turns your mind and your life into a pretzel....overnight, it seems.

*Rarely is.*

Almost always tis' a slow process, to go from love to hate.

Except, when major betrayal happens.

Or, when the other person is looking to dump you and uses just any old thing to justify such, such new {totally rejecting of you} feelings.
.......................................................................

A side question?

Do you think he has met another woman?


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## Greenfrog77 (Nov 19, 2018)

inmyprime said:


> Can I ask what went wrong that time? (Nosey ) and who suggested it?
> If it was before your current BF, I guess you have had experience with this already?
> 
> 
> ...




The guy who I was dating at the time got jealous as the guy HE invited to play with us caught feelings for me. I was hesitant to agree in the first place but he kept insisting. I later regretted my decision!!! Needless to say, That was the first and only time I engaged in similar acts. My BF had more experience though. We’ve talked about our previous adventures. 


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## Greenfrog77 (Nov 19, 2018)

SunCMars said:


> Here's the thing.
> 
> 
> 
> ...




No there is no other woman. 


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

Greenfrog77 said:


> The guy who I was dating at the time got jealous as the guy HE invited to play with us caught feelings for me. I was hesitant to agree in the first place but he kept insisting. I later regretted my decision!!! Needless to say, That was the first and only time I engaged in similar acts. My BF had more experience though. We’ve talked about our previous adventures.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk



That sounds like Groundhog Day to me. 
How did that relationship end?

I’m confused: I can’t quite work out how you manage to find two partners in a row who are into that sort of thing? While I don’t have any prejudice against doing this (except pointing out risks to people), this is still not very usual!
Where/how do you find them?? Guys usually tend to run away from any mention of anyone touching, never mind sleeping, with their GF.


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## EveningThoughts (Jul 12, 2018)

Not so much an insult, but it is a sensitive issue. 
Bringing it up 10 minutes later over a phone call probably wasn't the best way to broach the subject. It may have been better to have let things settle for awhile and wait and see if he mentions it himself, maybe in a humorous way at a later date. Or if you still really wanted to talk about it before another play date, then bring it up in a lighthearted way. 

He has taken it rather badly though and I wonder if he is sensitive to perceived criticism in other areas of his life. Not wanting to be with you sexually now seems a reaction born of deep insecurity. 

You have apologised and explained, so the ball is now in his court if he wants to start play again. You can't reason his feelings back so it might take time.


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## Greenfrog77 (Nov 19, 2018)

inmyprime said:


> That sounds like Groundhog Day to me.
> How did that relationship end?
> 
> I’m confused: I can’t quite work out how you manage to find two partners in a row who are into that sort of thing? While I don’t have any prejudice against doing this (except pointing out risks to people), this is still not very usual!
> ...




Groundhog Day? Lol. The previous guy despite having a problem during the adventure requested we try it again. However, I never agreed. In the end, we parted ways. He was too jealous possessive and insecure. You’re right most men don’t like to share their women. My BF however gets turned on by it. 


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## Greenfrog77 (Nov 19, 2018)

EveningThoughts said:


> Not so much an insult, but it is a sensitive issue.
> Bringing it up 10 minutes later over a phone call probably wasn't the best way to broach the subject. It may have been better to have let things settle for awhile and wait and see if he mentions it himself, maybe in a humorous way at a later date. Or if you still really wanted to talk about it before another play date, then bring it up in a lighthearted way.
> 
> He has taken it rather badly though and I wonder if he is sensitive to perceived criticism in other areas of his life. Not wanting to be with you sexually now seems a reaction born of deep insecurity.
> ...




I totally agree! My timing and delivery was not the best. Wish I had never said anything but I can’t turn back time! 


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

One other thing....

It takes a special man to give his lover to another.

By special, I mean a rare man.

I suspect this happens a lot in life, but not as much as some would have you believe.

He wanted to give you away, not for his pleasure, but for his disdain.

He somehow heard about your 'other' adventure and needed to see if you were still 'up for it'.

Are you exclusive material or not?
He found you to be in the "not" category.

He performed a **** test [poop test].
He found you wanting.

He found you wanting a third wheel, a second set of hands, another penis.

Had you never said yes, ever again. He likely would still be around,

Had you never told him of your 'other' adventure, he would never have broached the subject, breached your sexual boundaries.

Now, I do not know how he came to know this.

Someone told him, it bothered him, he convinced you to do a repeat performance, it did not go well, his manhood was not up to it....so much so.

And then you inadvertently mentioned his flag had gone half staff. 
An honest mistake, damage done, he's done.

Yes, I believe it was a ****-test. 

You did just fine in the adventure. 
You did a bang up job.

And that bothered him. 
He sees you as a hedonist, not as a keeper.

I suspect he is looking for a monogamous partner.

Hell, he may not have even known what he wanted.
I am giving him some malicious clever-credit, when none may be due.

Uh, he thought he did want to see you with two guys, then after seeing it, now he does not.

This is a hard concept, a hard adventure for most people.

They see it, they get sick. 

They get seasick from all the motion before their eyes.

The 'afore' love of their life, laying spread-eagled, having a ball, no, four of them.


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## red oak (Oct 26, 2018)

Greenfrog77 said:


> The guy who I was dating at the time got jealous as the guy HE invited to play with us caught feelings for me. I was hesitant to agree in the first place but he kept insisting. I later regretted my decision!!! Needless to say, That was the first and only time I engaged in similar acts. My BF had more experience though. We’ve talked about our previous adventures.


As @SunCMars says something is amiss.

If everything is verbatim; you have given all needed details then something took place at the "event," to cause an issue; why else call him and ask what was wrong.

Perhaps he has lost all respect for himself. Whether because he felt he didn't measure up, is getting older and doesn't have the go power, or something took place he didn't want to happen and lost respect for himself for not standing up only he can decide. 
Then again he may be unable to handle unbridled female sexuality and his first real view of it shocked him.

If you really want to get to the root of the issue think back to what took place right before you noticed the "struggle." It may well give you needed clues to rectify your situation.


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

Greenfrog77 said:


> Groundhog Day? Lol. The previous guy despite having a problem during the adventure requested we try it again. However, I never agreed. In the end, we parted ways. He was too jealous possessive and insecure. You’re right most men don’t like to share their women. My BF however gets turned on by it.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk




So the previous bf and this one both get turned on by you sleeping with other guys?
Have dated a guy who is not into sharing you by chance? Do you prefer it and i presume it is ok with you to not be shared. Because that’s what majority of relationships are usually like. 

Where/how did you meet this one and the other one?


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## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

EveningThoughts said:


> You have apologised and explained, so the ball is now in his court if he wants to start play again. You can't reason his feelings back so it might take time.


I wouldn't hold my breath..... deep-seated issues like these don't go away. They are embedded into the person by years, maybe even decades, of constructing neural networks which tend to return the same conclusions, no matter what the input.

And, please.... if being with one guy is ok with you, don't involve yourself in polyamorous activities. Find yourself a good, one-woman man and have a happy life. This kind of involvement can definitely bring unfortunate outcomes.


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

Regardless of MFM or just MF, let’s be clear that having difficulty coming a second time in a row, for a regular guy, is absolutely normal.
So I don’t understand his hissy fit or why it’s even worth mentioning to him. The insecurity is surely coming from some place else?

Maybe he’s annoyed that he doesn’t like it as much as he thought he would or not in the way that he thought he would. There’s no reason taking it out on you.

Lastly, I’m a little bit concerned the way you mention that you don’t want to ‘judge his kinks’. Not judging kinks and participating in something you don’t especially enjoy (from the sounds of it) are two very different things. Do you need this complication in your life? (Honest question).


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## Greenfrog77 (Nov 19, 2018)

inmyprime said:


> So the previous bf and this one both get turned on by you sleeping with other guys?
> Have dated a guy who is not into sharing you by chance? Do you prefer it and i presume it is ok with you to not be shared. Because that’s what majority of relationships are usually like.
> 
> Where/how did you meet this one and the other one?
> ...




I am totally okay with not being shared. Especially with my BF. He is all I need!!! We met at a casino. 


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

I need to go back to my Tales..

I do.


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## Greenfrog77 (Nov 19, 2018)

inmyprime said:


> Regardless of MFM or just MF, let’s be clear that having difficulty coming a second time in a row, for a regular guy, is absolutely normal.
> So I don’t understand his hissy fit or why it’s even worth mentioning to him. The insecurity is surely coming from some place else?
> 
> Maybe he’s annoyed that he doesn’t like it as much as he thought he would or not in the way that he thought he would. There’s no reason taking it out on you.
> ...




We both have kinks that many would judge. But we understand each other and don’t label or judge. It’s something we share! 


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## DjDjani (Feb 10, 2018)

Just stop with that lifestile. That is the only solution.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Your boyfriend likely is toast, not fight-to-the-end, Alamo type Texas toast, likely, Melba toast made from sour-dough bread.

Your relationship bread has gone flat, remaining out of the warm air, even that found at High Nun, some call it Naan bread, they have no taste.

Likely, from some rising bread, yeast infection.

..............................................................

Humor and words aside.

Let him cool off for few weeks.

If he calls, talk to him politely and calmly.

Do not make excuses and do not grovel.

When he gets horny, his sack being full, expect a call.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Greenfrog77 said:


> I am totally okay with not being shared. Especially with my BF. He is all I need!!! *We met at a casino.
> *
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


Aye!

You met at a casino, you gambled away a women's most prized possession.

You gambled and to date you have lost a lot, maybe your heart.

To be honest, though, you seem rather 'cool' about the potential loss of your BF?

Eh?


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## syhoybenden (Feb 21, 2013)

SunCMars said:


> Aye!
> 
> You met at a casino, you gambled away a women's most prized possession.
> 
> ...


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## syhoybenden (Feb 21, 2013)

SunCMars said:


> Aye!
> 
> You met at a casino, you gambled away a women's most prized possession.
> 
> ...



That's because it's all about her *****.

Not about her heart.

Not about her mind. 

Not about her soul.

Not about her life, nor her future. 

It's all about her *****.


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

Greenfrog77 said:


> We both have kinks that many would judge. But we understand each other and don’t label or judge. It’s something we share!
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk



What are your kinks and does he indulge you in those as well?


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## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

It ends up being an insult, if the person is insulted. Sounds like he was. If he won’t accept an apology, there is not much you can do. 

A LTR with someone that won’t accept an apology has a very low chance of success unless you are perfect.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Spicy said:


> It ends up being an insult, if the person is insulted. Sounds like he was. If he won’t accept an apology, there is not much you can do.
> 
> A LTR with someone that won’t accept an apology has a very low chance of success unless you are perfect.


Aye!

Perfect, is the other person compromising on it definition.
Perfect, is perfect on key points, the other points locked away with key intent.

Some people are very firm on what they believe to be important.
The rest is not firm belief but is shifting, *'whatever'* becomes the prevalent response to those less important drifts.
Those shifts remain flexible, are never quite in view as they are of no 'immediate' concern.

This is commonly known as remaining flexible, picking ones battles and issues that one is willing to die for.
This is good, except....

Some, concentrate on the 'wrong' issues, discarding really valuable points.
All this proven out by hindsight's unfailing kick in the hindquarters.

Maturity normally improves ones hindsight going forward.
Until, unbalanced hormones or onset senility regresses ones thoughts back to immaturity.



SunCMars-


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

So, he's upset because he thinks you were measuring his performance. This whole dog and pony show is nothing but him measuring your performance with him and his 'friends'. He needs to own his crap and grow the **** up.


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## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

@Greenfrog77

You said only your boyfriend talks to the third. In that case how did you find out the third "caught" feelings for you? If your Boyfriend is aware of that then that could have set him off. Did this other guy service you better or do more for you than your BF that night? I'd guess, as a few others have alluded to, that something happened that put him in a less favorable light and the third in a better light, at least in your BF's perception. If he's not willing to discuss it with you then there's not much you can do.
From post #25: if you say those "tactfully" worded feel good questions to your BF in front of a third man, you can definitely count on him being gone, if he's not already. Have you two had any further discussion about this or your future?


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Greenfrog77 said:


> Inmyprime i agree the lifestyle is not for everyone, but we have good communication and we discuss things that we feel went wrong. Every adventure thus far has given us a new learning experience. We realize we are playing with fire, which is why we have an understanding that if things go south and insecurity and jealous are factors we will quit.


I'm going to suggest that you don't have as good of communication as you think you do. Especially since you didn't empathize with him when he shared how hurt he was.


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## Greenfrog77 (Nov 19, 2018)

Rubix Cubed said:


> @Greenfrog77
> 
> 
> 
> ...




We found out because the “third” said it to me during our play time. My boyfriend also heard it and despite this he elected to play with him again. The third guy did not service me better. I’ve always told my BF that he has always made me climax the best. We have had further discussions. He is still around and the different points of views from everyone have really helped him. We have actually talked a great deal about a few posts in this thread. 


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

Greenfrog77 said:


> We found out because the “third” said it to me during our play time. My boyfriend also heard it and despite this he elected to play with him again. The third guy did not service me better. I’ve always told my BF that he has always made me climax the best. We have had further discussions. He is still around and the different points of views from everyone have really helped him. We have actually talked a great deal about a few posts in this thread.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk



How have you decided to proceed? 
There’s a funny asymmetry when it comes to partnerships: it seems to me that at the beginning, some girls seem more concerned about pleasing the guy (perhaps worrying too much they will leave them otherwise?) and going out of their way. Not many women would do this for their partner (since you said you’d be happy with just him, I presume it’s not really a first choice activity for you).

The asymmetry is: when relationships progress, couples get married and perhaps things become a little more stable, the fear of the husband/partner leaving perhaps evaporates, then it seems many have trouble even getting plain vanilla sex, not to mention indulging husband into his kinks.
Life’s unfair 

I don’t know. My only thought is just be careful you don’t end up getting treated as a sex object and not a real person, with feelings, choices and own desires. There are just too many things that can go wrong.

Also if you are going to continue, you should definitely change the third guy: you can’t be having sex with someone who has feelings for you (that sentence sounds odd on it’s own! Lol). It’s not fair to him.

Maybe what happened was that your bf suddenly realised that some guy who fancies his girlfriend is actually ****ing her, in front of his eyes, and maybe that tipped the scales away from it being a hot fantasy, towards a mundane reality? (I mean let’s face it: there are people who jump off buildings when they find out that their wife was ****ed by someone else). It’s all relative.


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## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

inmyprime said:


> Maybe what happened was that your bf suddenly realized that some guy who fancies his girlfriend is actually ****ing her, in front of his eyes, and maybe that tipped the scales away from it being a hot fantasy, towards a mundane reality?
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


 I think this may be the case EXCEPT for the underlined. I think the scales tipped to the reality that someone who has feelings for his wife is ****ing her and that she might start having feelings toward him. Good old jealousy/competition. Maybe he was up for round 2 with this guy to not appear weak or needy and the second go-round got him to his boiling point and the performance question/comment blew the lid off and everything boiled over. I would venture that he is not comfortable with hot wifing but thinks you are enjoying it so he pretends he is.


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## Greenfrog77 (Nov 19, 2018)

inmyprime said:


> How have you decided to proceed?
> There’s a funny asymmetry when it comes to partnerships: it seems to me that at the beginning, some girls seem more concerned about pleasing the guy (perhaps worrying too much they will leave them otherwise?) and going out of their way. Not many women would do this for their partner (since you said you’d be happy with just him, I presume it’s not really a first choice activity for you).
> 
> The asymmetry is: when relationships progress, couples get married and perhaps things become a little more stable, the fear of the husband/partner leaving perhaps evaporates, then it seems many have trouble even getting plain vanilla sex, not to mention indulging husband into his kinks.
> ...




Lol. Yeah your having sex sentence sounded funny. The third has been in the lifestyle for a very long time. He claims to know the rules about developing feelings towards a person he plays with. So he has the option to turn us down and I therefore disagree it’s not fair to him for us to play. My bf and I have had many long conversations relating to people’s different views of our situation. We see both sides of the coin and have never seen the lifestyle as a requirement for a successful relationship. Regarding being a sex object, I’ve never seen it as that because I get equal pleasure. We always discuss what we want before heading to the adventure and afterwards we talk about what worked and what we felt went wrong. Both parties’ feelings are always considered. I appreciate your insight. 


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

Greenfrog77 said:


> Lol. Yeah your having sex sentence sounded funny. The third has been in the lifestyle for a very long time. He claims to know the rules about developing feelings towards a person he plays with. So he has the option to turn us down and I therefore disagree it’s not fair to him for us to play. My bf and I have had many long conversations relating to people’s different views of our situation. We see both sides of the coin and have never seen the lifestyle as a requirement for a successful relationship. Regarding being a sex object, I’ve never seen it as that because I get equal pleasure. We always discuss what we want before heading to the adventure and afterwards we talk about what worked and what we felt went wrong. Both parties’ feelings are always considered. I appreciate your insight.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk




It’s good that you guys talk. But just for my own curiosity....regarding equal pleasure comment: even though this lifestyle is not something you’d yourself choose to do, you still feel you can get equal pleasure from it? That’s interesting. Logically, you can only get ‘equal pleasure’ from something that you are also equally into. So either you must be equally into these activities or maybe you don’t get as much of an equal pleasure? 
Generally speaking, for someone who’s not entirely into that sort of thing, it would be equal to a form of abuse. It must be enjoyable to some extent for you, otherwise there would not be any pleasure from it, for you...

Maybe I’ll fast track that thought: can you say for sure that you KNOW what you want and you KNOW what you like and you are not being taken advantage of or in any way manipulated? You don’t need to answer that. Maybe you are a pro at this and I don’t know what I’m talking about. Wish you good luck in any case.


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## Greenfrog77 (Nov 19, 2018)

inmyprime said:


> It’s good that you guys talk. But just for my own curiosity....regarding equal pleasure comment: even though this lifestyle is not something you’d yourself choose to do, you still feel you can get equal pleasure from it? That’s interesting. Logically, you can only get ‘equal pleasure’ from something that you are also equally into. So either you must be equally into these activities or maybe you don’t get as much of an equal pleasure?
> Generally speaking, for someone who’s not entirely into that sort of thing, it would be equal to a form of abuse. It must be enjoyable to some extent for you, otherwise there would not be any pleasure from it, for you...
> 
> Maybe I’ll fast track that thought: can you say for sure that you KNOW what you want and you KNOW what you like and you are not being taken advantage of or in any way manipulated? You don’t need to answer that. Maybe you are a pro at this and I don’t know what I’m talking about. Wish you good luck in any case.
> ...




I get equal pleasure because I like my BF enjoy the lifestyle. 


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