# So hard to just accept it and move on



## Surreal (Jan 6, 2011)

Hi everyone ! I'm new to this site and glad I found it.

I am going through a break up of 20 years and 2 kids, it's been nearly 3 months now sense she left. It has been real confusing for me.
First let me tell you my story we all have one. I have been through hell and back with this women and she still has a hold on my soul. We were deeply in love and things over time say the last ten years have been tough to say the least. We went nearly 8 years without sex , I know she has issues from childhood and I broke down at around the 12th year together and stepped out on her and moved in with a girl, I just couldn't take it anymore. 
But here is where it gets interesting, even though I was ok for a few months not being with here I missed her and I left her everything ,house cars you name it , I just walked out letting her know why, she just cried and let me go. after awhile of no contact she started bringing our kids by the girl house I was staying at, which was ok they are my kids. I'm not sure where I went from being angry at her to just giving up, but whatever happened I ended up going home leaving that girl. I felt like crap for hurting her but didn't go back because of that, I went back because I loved her.
Things were ok for awhile in the sack and otherwise, but after a short time it went back to the same no sex or intimacy again. I swore I would not hurt her again and stayed true to her over all those years aprox 8 of having no sex. Let me tell you it was a true leap of faith and my love for her that got me threw it and gets me threw it even today.
Now in the last 3 months she decides to move out get a place and move on. But even now we can sit on the couch at her place watch TV laugh together have dinner. And when I leave she will give me a tight hug and kiss, well a peck not a intimate kiss. 
She says she feels nothing for me as far as wanting anything sexual or intimate. This has went on now for a couple months and I'm sick of getting my heart tore out ,by the only being the friends thing ,that's sucks worse than just no contact . 
So now this week I have not contacted her , I notice she has the kids call , it's hard to do the no contact thing when kids are involved, but I only talk to them thru their cell phones not hers. So right now I'm just trying to accept that she is gone and not contact her in anyway. 
It's hard ,it hurts and it's just no fun, but I feel it's the best thing for me and she was just using me for whatever reason and I need to pull the rug out from under her. I guess at this point ,I just wonder if any of you have similar stories and if I'm doing the right thing. Ultimately I believe love can heal ,if you both want it . Right now and in the past its been just me trying to save things a one sided love affair. Why I'm still loven her is only one reason because I really did love her. And that's not something that can just be forgotten when you have experienced it. Thanks for listening ray:


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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

I'd like to share with you my views of your marriage issues.

Your marriage can be analyzed into 2 perspectives: 

Family love: strong, close & sweet. 
Passionate love (sex & intimacy): weak & dying.

So the only problematic part in your marriage: lacking of passionate love, intimacy, and sexless.

I had pretty similar issue in my marriage in the past 6 years. Few months ago, I found this forum that has inspired me to find my way to communicate & repair the sexless problem in my marriage. I got rid of my 3 year emotional affair and fall back in love with my husband. My husband used to ignore my sexual needs, now he is fully attended & he wants more.  

Luckily, I has resolved the sexless issue with my husband, (Our sexual life is now hot, passionate & sweet) 

Everybody's problem is different, but maybe I can share with you my sucessful experiences for your references.


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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

As I don't have enough details from you, so I can only offer you some references that might match the situation.

First of all, do you understand your wife?

What made her not wanting sex with you? 

She has low sex drive or she has sex drive but she can't find connection with you?

If she has low sex drive because of pain or lack of hormon, that are medical problems to be consulted by the doctor. Spend some money and it can be solved.

If it's emotional issue, it can be resolved by effective communication. (tricky & challenging)

My husband actually has both problems, medical & emotional. After the medical problems consulted, the emotional parts were the hardest part to break through. I was very struggling & it took me few months, finally he opened his world to me, then as soon the communication is open, you can talk about everything. If she doesn't want to tell you what she exactly wants in bed, you can only waste time in guessing & more misunderstandings & resentments will pile up. She can't never find connections with you. 

She might offer you her convenient ass, only because she loves you, but that's not the sex you want.


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