# husband has no inrst in sex. I'm thinking about writing sex stories to someone elsels



## hkmarie1 (Jul 6, 2011)

My husband has a low...or non existent sex drive for me... He'll watch porn but he's to tired or doesn't feel like it if I bring it up. Doesn't matter if I dress sexy, get dolled up, I offered to do the things the women in the porn videos do but he doesn't feel comfortable with that (I think he prefers watching it). 

My sex drive is high on the other hand and I'm ready to go crazy. I've had sex more often in my dreams then with my husband and I haven't even seen him naked in months. I no longer feel a connection with him, he is still attractive to me...in some ways. 

I would never cheat on him, or be with someone else. but I've recently found a place online to submit sex letters/stories to. I'd do this anonymously of course and it lead to nothing else. But I would be able to express myself, what has been building up inside, and connect with others in a way that satisfies me.

MY husband and I are going to counseling to work on our marriage...but he has no interest in sex, he is not a physical person. When we are intimate....it's not even intimate it's wham bam thank you mam. He says it feels forced (because he's never in the mood even if it is hard). So neither of us get real enjoyment out of it...not that it doesn't feel good we just aren't on the same level. Yes, it would make sense to talk to him about my wants, needs, desires and I have and I've asked him what his are or his fantasies and if he'd like to know mine... not really, and he feels like my input is an "attack" on him and telling him he's not good enough. Let me add that when I bring this up...my needs wants and desires....I was sensitive, patient, and guiding about it... but nope. So know I've become distant and harsh...it's been SO long since I've felt loved or appreciated on a physical level/ emotional level in the bedroom.

So in a way I feel being able to express my desires through words/"letters" is a form of...release, without messing around behind his back in an hourly hotel room feeling like ....cheap and I don't want to hurt him but I still want to satisfy me. Your thoughs on this idea?


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## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

Clearly your husband is lazy, has a porn addiction and needs professional help. It is not in any way OK for a man to watch porn and not have sex with real flesh and blood wife.

Honestly i just don't think there is much help for men with these kinds of problems. 

However no I don't think you should write sex stories to someone else. You should not ignore this. You have a right in the marriage to expect that he will love you and value you above everybody and everything else (porn included). I think you are a ticking time bomb, and eventually you will leave or cheat.


You need to gather evidence about porn addiction and how harmful porn is. You need to not get in a fight with him about it, just hand him the info. Clearly state or write a letter about what needs to be done to save the marriage -No porn, counseling, a renewed and absolute commitment to each other etc. Let him know that if he cannot do those things then you will leave, because he is pushing you out the door anyway.

If you don't do this and mean it then I'm afraid he will never change and your marriage will get worse.


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## PealedBannana (Jun 9, 2011)

My wife would love to read what you would write. I wouldn't write to a specific person though. Check out fan fictions website.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

It is good that you are going to counseling - it sounds like it is certainly warranted.

In order for any desire your husband may have to turn toward you, he needs to cut off the porn. If he's watching on a computer, then set yourself up as the administrator with a password only you know. Set him up as a standard user and set up parental control to not allow access to porn sites. Yes, we do this with our teenage son.

I would not send erotic stories off to an anonymous site. I would suggest that you consider journalling - include your stories and your feelings in your journal. Keep the journal as a private thing. It may help you to be able to get some of those things out of your head and onto paper.

The fact that you want to send your stories off for others to read implies some kind of titillation factor for you. Again, to me, that would be comparable to the titillation factor of porn for your husband. Anything that you bring in between you two in the marriage bed is going to push both of you farther away, not bring you closer together.

Lastly, what is the state of your husband's health? Is he overweight? Has he had a check-up recently? Had any checks done for low thyroid function or low testosterone?

Godspeed.


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## fhg1893 (Jun 25, 2011)

If you decide to write erotica for the internet, then be advised that this is a stop-gap; it's not a long-term solution to your marital problems. 

If you can approach it in the way that this is just something to keep you from getting depressed, or cheating, just long enough to allow you to work through the issues in your relationship, then there's nothing really unethical about writing erotica. And if you feel you need to do it for this reason, then do it.

If, however, you're thinking that this is going to replace a sexual relationship with your husband, then you should not write erotica, because it's not going to replace anything.


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## Laurae1967 (May 10, 2011)

It sounds like your husband needs individual counseling (not marriage counseling) to deal with his issues around low self-esteem and fear of intimacy/commitment. My guess is that either he's using sex (or lack of it) to keep you at a distance OR he's too insecure to have sex with you because he can only hear judgement from you when you talk about what you want from him. Every time you bring it up, it's like he's hearing you tell him he doesn't measure up. Of course that's not what you are doing, but that is how he is receiving it. 

The sex stories will not help you feel better and will lead you down a slippery slope.

He needs to know about your desire to write these stories as an outlet for no sex. He also should know that you love him and want to work this out. Suggest counseling for him. I just don't see it getting better unless he addresses HIS issues.


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## Roooth (May 13, 2011)

I honestly wonder how long women with a healthy sexuality like you and I can go without at least some attention in that area. As I read this, I'm starting to wonder if the temptation cheat will become strong enough to cause trouble. I never imagined I could and it sounds like the worse thing in the world, but it's been years since I've felt truly desired (sexually). Oh, how nice it would be to feel that again...


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## Closer (Jul 15, 2011)

I see that it's really frustrating for you and you're doing a great job on improving your marriage.

Not all women are great and patient like you are. Your guy is probably has insecurities and in denial that there is a problem because it hurts his pride.

I am hesitant to encourage you to writing sex stories because while, there are valid points to doing it in your situation... I can see how it can lead to you losing interest in making your relationship work because you finally have an outlet.


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## Blaine (Jul 23, 2015)

Hi hkmarie1 Go ahead and write. Dont expect it to solve anything but it may help you get in touch with who you really are and learn about urself. Keep up the therapy and good luck


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## crossbar (Aug 25, 2011)

I would talk to the Marriage counselor about you two see a sex therapist. NOT a sex surrogate. BIG DIFFERENCE! Just a therapist that is trained to get you to reconnected again (not only physically, but emotionally). 

Hard part will be getting your husband to agree to go.


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

What is the situation with your spinocerebellera ataxia? Have symptoms started showing?


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)




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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

Zombie Thread Closed


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