# wife does not love me anymore



## lostmysoul (Feb 7, 2011)

after 10 yrs of being together 5 married i have hurt my wife by drinking and acting stupid. never abuse physically or name calling just drunk dumbness. She said she has felt this way for two years now and has never been with anyone else. we have 2 kids 3 and 6. we still live in the same house ,sleep in the same bed and I still do everything for her she needs doing. cannot think of life without her and i have said I will stop drinking before but at 40 yrs old iI believe I can change for my family. She said that she has heard it before and is not sure what she wants to do. financially she is stuck here and this is even more tension. She needs space but it is limited. I know she has problems letting go with the past hurt because it keeps coming up. (drunk dumbness) my vow to quit is sincere and I would do anything to have her love me again. I havehad a job everyday of our lives , even 2 jobs to support us , she has a job as well but hours are limited. What can I do to be with my soulmate again? I have mentioned councelling for us to deal with my problem and her resentment,and she is not sure if i wont do it again and it will be as waste of time


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## Orion (Jul 17, 2010)

lostmysoul said:


> after 10 yrs of being together 5 married i have hurt my wife by drinking and acting stupid. never abuse physically or name calling just drunk dumbness. She said she has felt this way for two years now and has never been with anyone else. we have 2 kids 3 and 6. we still live in the same house ,sleep in the same bed and I still do everything for her she needs doing. cannot think of life without her and i have said I will stop drinking before but at 40 yrs old iI believe I can change for my family. She said that she has heard it before and is not sure what she wants to do. financially she is stuck here and this is even more tension. She needs space but it is limited. I know she has problems letting go with the past hurt because it keeps coming up. (drunk dumbness) my vow to quit is sincere and I would do anything to have her love me again. I havehad a job everyday of our lives , even 2 jobs to support us , she has a job as well but hours are limited. What can I do to be with my soulmate again?


lostmysoul,

I feel for what you are going through. From what I have seen, all you can do is work on yourself. And even then, there is no guarantee that she will change her mind. In my experience, when a woman says that she is fed up, it's not really up to you to change her mind. If she wants to stay, she will. If she is done with you then it's over. Just concentrate on being a better man. Don't worry about her because you have no control over that. Just my two cents. Good luck.


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## breathe (Feb 2, 2011)

The only thing you can do is change who you are (easier said than done), and change right now. Become that better person now, and if she sticks around, she may have a change of heart. She must see a changed man over time, so you must commit to change without turning back.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

LMS,

Here's some stuff to ponder as you contemplate working on yourself. She fell in love with you once. If you were to be the man she fell in love with (again), it could happen (again).

No guarantees, but worth a look:

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/mens-clubhouse/18181-man-up-nice-guy-reference.html


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## Candystripes (Feb 7, 2011)

It sounds like you are truly willing to make changes. It must be frustrating to have tried and failed, tried and failed. No matter what has happened in the past, any change is positive. immersing yourself in counselling, aa meetings are amazing. Don't be afraid to show her how you can work hard for yourself and ultimately for the family. you know what you want and you can do it. i lived with an alcoholic (my mother's common law) and it was hard, but we were proud of him when he tried. even if he had a small set back. dont' let those set backs take you down. perfection gets us all tied in a knot. baby steps to your freedom and dreams!


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## gregj123 (Dec 29, 2010)

Cant change the past only the future.


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## MsLady (Dec 1, 2008)

All that you can do is see how your drinking has ruined the life that you built up to this point. And commit to not let it ruin the life that you want to build from this day forward. 

The change has to be real and has to be, ultimately, for yourself. Are YOU fed up with the "drunken dumbness"??

You could want to change for her all your want, but as soon as all got back to cozy normal, YOU would get back to silly drunk. So, consider this woman gone, and STILL change your life -- your SELF -- for the better.

Give her room. She's fed up. The last thing she needs is you pleading, moping, guilting. She's likely overwhelmed by own pain and doesn't need to take care of yours. She doesn't have the psychic energy to invest more trust and hope in you. Don't ask her to.

Just change. Improve. Enjoy that process for yourself and your kids. Be proud of it. Become stronger and together and mature.

She MAY see those changes from a distance and let herself hope again. She MAY decide to try again. But you can't fool her. She will know if it's for real and she'll never trust it if it's done just to get her back. That, even if well intentioned and meant out of love, will feel manipulative to her. 

Of course, she may not come back regardless of what you change. But you still have to stop being a drunk. You can still earn her respect once again and her friendship, if not her love and your marriage. 

And, more importantly, you're still at the beginning of your relationship with your kids. Learn from this, and don't **** that up too.


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

Define drunk dumbness. Some things can be worked out, other can't. What did you do that was bad while you were drunk?


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## lostmysoul (Feb 7, 2011)

drunk dumbness: drove home twice.
once i was sick on the door , did not clean it untill next day but she had to go to work right then. smell made her mad.
i mde it to the bar she was at after a party and when she came up to me i grabbed her friend beside her and kissed her. (good friend )
woke up one night and urinated on the kithchen floor . went left not right. all these are the major dumbness things she has held onto for 8 yrs ago to last christmas.
i am sure there are smaller ones but eACH TIME I WAS SORRY AND IT WOULD NOT HAPPEN AGAIN. IT DID.


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## major misfit (Oct 17, 2010)

You blew it by making promises you didn't keep. Sounds like she's tolerated a lot of "drunken dumbness". She's had to live with piss and vomit all over. It's no small miracle she's still there. 

Since you've reniged on the promises you've made, you're going to have to get really proactive in getting your problem under control. She's going to have to see you going to every stinkin' AA meeting they have, and truly WORKING the program. She's going to have to see you in counseling and working on the issues that causes you to drink in the first place. You're going to have to keep doing this despite NOT getting any "atta boys" from her. You're not likely to get any. It's going to take a lot of time before she realizes that you've gotten serious about this, and are going to do everything in your power to stop drinking for good. 

You've already blown the smoke up her a$$, now it's time to get busy. I truly hope you're successful.


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