# Can you expect a man to nto want to be with other women?



## destinygirl (Mar 7, 2010)

Hi there to all the men in the clubhouse! 

I have a question: for those of you who are married or are in a long-term relationship; can you tell me whether you feel it is possible for you to be fulfilled, excited and happy with just one woman for 40 plus years (however long a marriage or long-term relationship is for), without you desiring to be with other women (sexually or in a relationship)?

And I'm not just talking about the average guy....I'm talking about men who have high status. What if you had lots of money, high status, and had beautiful women wanting to be with you (sexually, in a relationship, whatever) - all the time?

I'm aware that a lot of average men just settle for what they think they can get, and that's it. Many don't, either. And I'm also not discounting the fact that there are a large number of women who are unfaithful, but since I am a woman, I simply wanted to direct this to the men, out of interest. 

It appears that nearly every woman has been through the pain of being cheated on....

Thanks!


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## BigBadWolf (Nov 30, 2009)

Hello destinygirl.

I will speak to my opinion, and what I have seen and experienced over my life.

I have been married going on 21 years, and since my marriage I have never been with another woman physically nor will I intend to as long as I am married to my wife.

With that said, also it is a fact that I have a desire to be with sexual practically every women I have seen that is even remotely attractive, this is without dispute. And my wife knows this about me, without a doubt she knows my drive and desires. 

But desire is certainly not the same as action, as I value highly my own integrity and my own word and commitment to keep my passions and desires and all things that are myself under control and in context.

For this talk of high status, I am thinking you are rewording an old question, is a man only as faithful as his opportunities? 

I will tell you this is absolutely false, and perhaps backwards as it would seem. 

For in my own situation, it would be without much effort at all to engage sexually with some other woman.

So even without the thought of how stunning and incredible is my own wife, and our own exotic and often dark sexual relationship, and all these other things as my own desire to protect my own marriage, etc etc. 

Simply as if I was married and decided to have an affair. 

And in doing so, assuming a typical affair as needing to be secretive from my wife, would put myself in immediate social and financial vulnerability, and give this other woman very much power over me. 

And so to me, that thought is making this one woman out of billions of women, to give her so much power and influence over my own life, is making her look not very attractive at all, no matter how "perfect" she may be in sexual ways that I would be otherwise desiring her.

But assuming there is some man, that is not so much in a happy marriage himself, sexless mostly with not much emotional connection if at all, and maybe with not much to lose careerwise. 

And assuming this man is not used to attention from women, and then out of the blue for some act of fate is noticed by some woman and has the opportunity for a sexual affair, what will such a man do? Is that not an interesting question as well?


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## destinygirl (Mar 7, 2010)

Thanks BigBadWolf, for your honest response.

Yes, that final question you asked is interesting. I guess, given that you feel this way, what is the point of marriage at all? Why would you want to feel as though you are restricting yourself? You know, nobody really enjoys compromising ones own desires.

Can I ask you what it would feel like to you if your wife said that she felt the desire to be sexual with nearly every good looking man she has seen?

I guess I'm exploring the possibility that marriage is pointless, and so is having an exclusive relationship, if your partner is going to feel this way.


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## BigBadWolf (Nov 30, 2009)

destinygirl said:


> Thanks BigBadWolf, for your honest response.
> 
> Yes, that final question you asked is interesting. I guess, given that you feel this way, what is the point of marriage at all? Why would you want to feel as though you are restricting yourself? You know, nobody really enjoys compromising ones own desires.


I am not sure how to best answer this question, other than to say, that desires are not to be treated as mere whims, but natural forces of attraction. 

Given they are natural, I do not assign them the characteristic of good or evil, they just are. 

In the case of sexual desires, there is certainly the fact that yes as a heterosexual male I notice women and are attracted to women and desire women.

Because of this desire, I was attracted to my wife, and she to me, and now she and I are enjoying a happy and successful and sexual relationship.

So this desire of other woman in good men, it is neither good nor evil, only what actions come from it are going to have consequence.

If my desire leads me to infidelity, then there will be consequences. Consequences that I choose to avoid because of course, the consequences of no infidelity are more appealing to me, as I am the happy man in a very sexual marriage.

But if my desire leads me to choose no infidelity, yet my wife is knowing how strongly I do desire so many other women, inside her it is telling her how sexual and beautiful and desirable must she herself be, and what a man I must be to love her and value her so much as to turn my back on these desires with these other women. 

Inside her this is making her feel not insecure, but very sexual.

So this way, my desires for other women are producing a benefit.

Now if I were to be dishonest, and say to my wife that I do not desire other women, and do not even notice other women, etc etc etc. This is a big lie of course, but inside her she is wondering what kind of strange man is she married to that doesn't notice other women, or what kind of strange woman is she that can only attract a man that doesn't notice women!

This scenario is not beneficial. 




> Can I ask you what it would feel like to you if your wife said that she felt the desire to be sexual with nearly every good looking man she has seen?


I would feel pretty much like I feel right now, that I have won over the three billion or so other men the attraction of a beautiful and sexual and intelligent woman that is my wife, and that it would be the rare man that would even be any competition to me for my wife's devotion and sexual intimacy.



> I guess I'm exploring the possibility that marriage is pointless, and so is having an exclusive relationship, if your partner is going to feel this way.


I am wondering if you are not letting the fear of insecurity outweigh the importance of honesty in the role of sexual communication? 

A man that desires many women, and indeed could have many women, yet chooses and is devoted to the one, how very special must that one woman be indeed! 

So it is not the comparison to the desire and what we can call love or lust or passion or all these things and so much more that I feel for my own wife, with our history and intimacy and sharing and million other things only known between us.


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## destinygirl (Mar 7, 2010)

Hm, BBW, if you look at it this way, it's quite enlightening. I see more where you are coming from now. 

You sound like you have a wonderful marriage, and clearly you're an intelligent man and I think your wife is lucky, and you are equally as lucky to have her. 

Thanks for your thoughts and I need to do more thinking about what you have said.


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## OhGeesh (Jan 5, 2010)

Desire and action are two different things and the lack of infideity boils down to conviction, committment, honor, and dare I say morality.

Best of luck on your investigating......communication is the key!


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## Crypsys (Apr 22, 2010)

I'm in the same boat BBW. I've had opportunities as a married man to have no-strings-attached sex. And I like you if I was not married would willingly go after many different women. My wife as well knows I find other women very attractive and I have told her as much because I believe in total honesty. My wife as well has no problems pointing out men she finds attractive. 

Any male with a high testosterone level will entertain thoughts of "what would it be like to have sex with that woman" its a byproduct of the chemical. A GOOD and HONEST husband will keep them just that, thoughts and never act upon them. It's about you honoring and loving your wife. I love my wife too much to ever hurt her by acting upon those feelings. So in a way, it's kind of like someone who is a sober alcoholic. The "want" to drink will be with you for the rest of your life. But your will overrides the want.


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