# Separation and Birthday



## Emma1981

So my husband doesn't know if he wants to be married anymore and moved home (to his parents across the state) last Wed. He is suffering from unhappiness, he is ex-military, going through somewhat of a career and identity crisis - while he said "ideally" he wants this to work and is in love with me me, he is unhappy and left to assess the state of his soul before he can move forward in our marriage.

That being said -

His birthday is in 3 weeks and I am at a loss for what to do here. Obviously his departure broke my heart (I knew it was coming for 4 months), but needed to be done. Has anyone been in a separated situation, loved the person and done something for their bday? What did you do?

I am not big on physical gifts, my father raised me to do "memory gifts" and that has always been my tradition. A memory gift is going out and doing something together (event, concert, trip etc). Since he is across the state though I can't really do that with him. Any ideas here?


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## prisoner84

I think you should call him and propose the idea. If he's down, you should plan it out.


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## Emma1981

Yeah it' not a good time to see each other - we both need space.

So nobody out there with a separation / birthday experience?


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## prisoner84

Maybe you should just celebrate his birthday by yourself. I know it sounds weird but it seems that you would feel better if you did something rather than nothing.


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## belljason92

My husband and I were going through the same thing as you last year. On my birthday, he sent me a beautiful cookie bouquet with all my favorite cookies. I thought it was very sweet and sentimental. I think it might be nice if you did that for your husband!


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## synthetic

My wife's birthday is in 5 days. She has left me (yet again) and wants a divorce. No idea what to do.


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## Mothra777

My ex's 40th is coming up in July and I have the same issue. She hurt me badly by suddenly becoming a walk away wife and my wounds are still very fresh. I do not feel like doing it - but do I set an example to my son? 

So I would also be interested in any responses to this thread to from others who have had to deal with the birthday/separation thing.


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## brokenbythis

synthetic said:


> My wife's birthday is in 5 days. She has left me (yet again) and wants a divorce. No idea what to do.


IMO you should do nothing - from you. If you have kids, then get a small gift and card on behalf of the kids, and make sure they write on it, not you. Give it to them to give to their mom.

Nice birthday and xmas gifts from the STBX's stop when they walk away.


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## Going Mental

Hard call! I didn't buy anything for his last birthday except a card, but things were so bad, a day later I told him to move out. Having said that, last Christmas which was also not long after H moved out we agreed no gifts, but I couldn't help myself, I bought a book I knew he would like. As we are now trying to reconcile, for our 18th wedding anniversary, he spoilt my surprise of taking him out to dinner by sulking that I wasn't planning anything and then he wonders why I don't plan surprises for him...but I digress. This time around I made a conscious effort to plan something. We are trying to reconcile so currently I am in a much more positive place than you.
IMO, I would stick to something small & simple such as a book or gadget that really reflects his passions (ie a biography on a football player if he is into football). It shows you know him well enough and care enough to buy something, but also reflects the current reality between you. Steer well clear of cards if you can....absolutely fraught with danger!! Good luck.


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## MattMatt

A gift card so he can select his favourite tunes? Plus a card, too.


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## joni

My separated husband wants to take me out for my birthday on sept. 8th. I told him to forget it, and take your gf out instead.


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