# Trying to make it work when it's pretty impossible...



## Oracal651 (Jan 29, 2018)

Hi, 

I'm not sure what I'm looking for other then to vent .. 3 year ago, I met someone from who lived 12 hours away from me. After meeting for 3-4 times, I got pregnant (by accident) but I knew I wanted a baby and there was no way I would have an abortion. EVER.

I didn't force it on him since we had barely met.. He wanted to keep the baby too and we would make it work. 

I had to move to his country as he already had 2 older daughters and that was the only option.

After 2.5 years of living with him, we both realized we're pretty incompatible. We can't ever just have a normal conversation, there is always an issue. We never think the same about anything.. I feel I can't speak my mind because it will just create a situation. He feels the same way. 

I don't see how to solve this. If we split, I move back 12 hours away. My daughter won't have her dad and her 2 sisters whom she loves. 

Thanks for reading and if you have any idea... please share with me.

Zoe


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Can you live and work near him for the sake of your child? If not, you may not have much choice if you split up. Presumably you'll get child support, but that may not be enough to stay nearby.


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## Oracal651 (Jan 29, 2018)

Hi Married but Happy,

Thanks for your reply.

I became a stay at home mom after leaving my home country since childcare here is so pricey and there is no job in my field of study around where we live. Staying here would not be very feasible. (No family, no friends, no job, no credit history for renting or buying a house...) He would probably let me move back home with our daughter specially as I would have my old job back & my home country is very good with child support for single mom..

I'm ready to stay in this situation for the sake of my little one but I so wish things would have turned out differently and we could just get along and be in love like we thought we would be at first.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

You have a very difficult choice to make, but staying with someone very incompatible is the worse choice, IMO. At your child's age, she won't remember much, if anything, about her life now, but assuming her father will still stay in touch and see her when possible, she'll still have them as part of her life. And you will probably find a new and better life and relationship, if that's what you want eventually.


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## Oracal651 (Jan 29, 2018)

Very true... 

My thoughts right now to avoid any conversation issues is to agree with whatever is being talked about and not add anything. That's pretty crazy but that's the only way I feel we could "get along".. 

Not the fun life & relationship I was expecting.

I think the fact that I sold my car, sold my house, left my country, my family, my friends and moved all my stuff here... Now having to remove everything back. 

It's sad, it's like a failure somehow..


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## cindy1 (Sep 23, 2016)

I can relate with your situation, my husband and I are going through the same thing except we don't have a child. I also moved from my home country to be with him, we have a big communication issue, I feel like I can't talk with him or share my feelings, we have different goals, I want a child he doesn't and I see him as a negative person overall.

My suggestion, probably you can seek a free counselling center to talk with someone than maybe he can join you in the future. This is the route am planning on taking myself.

Guess last resolution is to readjust back in your home country or to return to school here to find a new career.


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