# When to give up



## Old46 (Jan 14, 2013)

I've been married for 21 years and have two kids(19 and 21). Having trouble with the younger one. He's been trouble all his life. I feel like my wife and I are just live-in babysitters. We no longer have any sort of intimate relationship. Honestly I'm no longer attracted to her and she's probably not attracted to me either. I wish I could go back in time and undo everything. I'm afraid of divorce. I am the type that doesn't like change but none of us are truly happy. I don't know what to do.


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

Do you want to give up? It doesn't sound that way. Problems that were put to the side usually come to a head when the kids are grown. What have you two done to try to reconnect? What does she say about it?


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

Talk to your wife

Ask her if she feels the same and if she (and you) want to even make an effort


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## Terry_CO (Oct 23, 2012)

Toffer said:


> Talk to your wife
> 
> Ask her if she feels the same and if she (and you) want to even make an effort


This

But realize that when it's over, it's over. Not wanting divorce is understandable, but it's like going to a dentist to have a bad tooth pulled ...there's pain, and some bleeding, but ultimately it's far better than hoping it will get better on its own


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## T&T (Nov 16, 2012)

Old46 said:


> I've been married for 21 years and have two kids(19 and 21). Having trouble with the younger one. He's been trouble all his life. I feel like my wife and I are just live-in babysitters. We no longer have any sort of intimate relationship. Honestly I'm no longer attracted to her and she's probably not attracted to me either. I wish I could go back in time and undo everything. I'm afraid of divorce. I am the type that doesn't like change but none of us are truly happy. I don't know what to do.


The attraction and intimacy can be regained, if worked on, but both parties have to be willing and WANT to do it.

You say you feel like "live in babysitters" Why? These aren't boys anymore, they're MEN. Do they work or go to school? Why are they still at home?


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

Are you implying that your youngest son is the cause of the issues between you and your wife? If so, is this because you have differing views as to how to handle him?


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