# Stay married or get divorced???? Help!!!



## elmesican (Jan 28, 2015)

Ok, I am 40yrs old. My wife and I have been married for 14 years We have been separated for nearly 1 year now. I ended out filing for uncontested divorce and we are scheduled to appear in court next month, Feb. However, my wife has not told me she wants to work things out. My dilemma is this...I want to save my family, we have 3 kids. 11yr old daughter 7yr old daughter and a 2yr old boy. I am having the hardest time because I want to be there for them and not be a part time dad as I see it. I love my kids and I am thinking about giving my marriage another shot for them. My problem is I am not in love with her anymore, I know our sex life was always just blah and by no means am I basing everything on just our sex life. I just don't feel the love that I should have yet I don't want tear my family apart. I am scared of what the divorce will do to my daughters and son. I don't know what I am supposed to do anymore. Do I go back with her knowing I am not in love and just do it for my kids??? that is what I really am leaning towards. I could care less if about my love life, as my kids happiness is ALL that matters to me. Just need advice. thank you.


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## NotLikeYou (Aug 30, 2011)

Time to use your imagination (you'll need pen and paper for this exercise).

Take some time and think about what your wife would have to do to make you head-over-heels love her. Get into the details. Write it all down, and don't be considerate or thoughtful or sensitive- just lay it all out no matter how unfair it would be.

Take a break.

Then sit back down with your list, and try to work it down to what you could live with at the bare minimum. 

Take a break.

Look over your list, and decide whether or not you believe your wife could accomplish what you have left on the short list.

If you decide she can't, you might want to go ahead and proceed with the divorce, and find a woman who meets your needs.

If you think she can, or can't decide one way or another, sit down and talk to her about what you need, and go ahead and be sensitive and listen to her and all that good stuff.

Some roses might not hurt either (fake it 'til you make it).

Keep in mind that your kids are the most important thing in your world.

If you decide to give it a try (and I hope you do, your marriage sounds repair-able), invest in some marriage counseling, and go buy a copy of the 5 Languages of Love book and read it.

Good luck and best wishes!


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