# Uncovering the truth....



## JustPlainOleTried (Nov 18, 2013)

I was a member of this board a while back and got some great advice. I had to change my screen name because my wife found the site and was monitoring my actions. To make a long story short, I know in my gut and by a ton of overwhelming circumstantial evidence that my wife has cheated in the past, and I believe her to be cheating now. I confronted her on this latest affair that I knew of a year ago. I believe the affair has gone underground and I'm now trying to catch her in an attempt to have her leave the house. I believe she has a second phone that she talks on when I'm not there, I also believe she's seeing this other guy when she goes to the mall or another supposed errand. She's a SAHM, so she has plenty of time to make this work. She's also a pretty good liar and is good at covering her tracks. I recently installed MSpy on her phone, but this program was terrible, it barely did anything it was advertised to do. Is there a good cell phone spyware anyone can suggest for a Droid? I'm looking for a real good gps more then the txt features. My goal is to track her by the cell and when I see her where she is, confront her.


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

JustPlainOleTried said:


> I was a member of this board a while back and got some great advice. I had to change my screen name because my wife found the site and was monitoring my actions. To make a long story short, I know in my gut and by a ton of overwhelming circumstantial evidence that my wife has cheated in the past, and I believe her to be cheating now. I confronted her on this latest affair that I knew of a year ago. I believe the affair has gone underground and I'm now trying to catch her in an attempt to have her leave the house. I believe she has a second phone that she talks on when I'm not there, I also believe she's seeing this other guy when she goes to the mall or another supposed errand. She's a SAHM, so she has plenty of time to make this work. She's also a pretty good liar and is good at covering her tracks. I recently installed MSpy on her phone, but this program was terrible, it barely did anything it was advertised to do. Is there a good cell phone spyware anyone can suggest for a Droid? I'm looking for a real good gps more then the txt features. My goal is to track her by the cell and when I see her where she is, confront her.


SpectorSoft - eBlaster | mobile for Android


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## mahike (Aug 16, 2011)

I would buy a couple of VAR's put one in the bedroom and the other in her car. You can also buy a GPS tracker for her car. If she has a burner phone she will use in the car when she is by herself and at home I would guess she would use it in the bedroom when you are gone. 

So you know she has cheated in the past, what is new that makes you think she is doing something again. Try not to confront again until you can do a little more research


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Is she leaving for work early and coming home late?
Has the sex dried up?


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Are you really sure she is cheating on you?


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

The VARs are your best bet. One in her car, one in the living room.


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## mahike (Aug 16, 2011)

turnera said:


> The VARs are your best bet. One in her car, one in the living room.


If there are kids at home I would opt for the bedroom and not the living room. So what other red flags are you seeing


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

tom67 said:


> Is she leaving for work early and coming home late?
> Has the sex dried up?


She is a SAHM. He says he suspects cheating when telling him she is going shopping or running other common errands.

OP. VAR in the car. If you have kids then place a second VAR in the bathroom or bedroom. Where you would expect her to go if she wants privacy away from young ears.

Since she is a SAHM, when you get a chance look for a charger for the burner phone you think she has. Look in underwear drawer, makeup case or drawer - locations that only she would have a reason to access.

Google GPS purchases. I know some folks who have bought GPS devices from online. Some are satisfied while other are not.

Good luck.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

TDSC60 said:


> She is a SAHM. He says he suspects cheating when telling him she is going shopping or running other common errands.
> 
> OP. VAR in the car. If you have kids then place a second VAR in the bathroom or bedroom. Where you would expect her to go if she wants privacy away from young ears.
> 
> ...


:iagree:VARs in the house and car asap.


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## Clay2013 (Oct 30, 2013)

With out sounds stupid what does SAHM stand for? 


Clay


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## mahike (Aug 16, 2011)

stay at home mom


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## Clay2013 (Oct 30, 2013)

mahike said:


> stay at home mom


Thanks


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## ShootMePlz! (Oct 5, 2008)

Why stay married to her if she has been acting this way all this time??


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## JustPlainOleTried (Nov 18, 2013)

mahike said:


> I would buy a couple of VAR's put one in the bedroom and the other in her car. You can also buy a GPS tracker for her car. If she has a burner phone she will use in the car when she is by herself and at home I would guess she would use it in the bedroom when you are gone.
> 
> So you know she has cheated in the past, what is new that makes you think she is doing something again. Try not to confront again until you can do a little more research


 This has been a ongoing deal. I used var's in the past. My problem with them is they are a pain in the a$$ to sit and decipher. Plus she already found one I had in the kitchen. I might try another in her car, the problem with this is we have multiple cars. I found the area where she talks on the phone, its outside, I counted over fifty cigaret butts between our garage and house. Its a great place to talk, as its outside and she can see if someone is coming from the house and or up the driveway. This "discovery" was one of the things that got me suspicious. She has no problem smoking in the house, and I have only seen her talking outside once or twice. This is new since she found the var in the kitchen. As far as whats "new". It's more of a gut feeling..coupled with some evidence. I placed a gps in one of the cars and she has lied to me where she's been. Small, lies, like she was shopping in the mall, but the gps said she was at another parking lot. It was "near" a mall, but still a ways. This happened a couple of times. Also, she has a Hotmail account, and she was deleting emails and had disabled the "recover deleted email functions". without her knowing, I reset it to the standard setting. She reset it to the delete all email setting again about a week later. She claims she didn't, but there is no way she reset it without knowing as its pretty hard to do by mistake. I had a keylogger on the computer too, but again didn't get much. What I did find was she was deleting the Verizon wireless bill immediately when it came in the email. This doesn't make a whole lot of sense, but she pays the Verizon bill twice a month, I believe she's paying the "real" phone and adding time to the "cheat" phone. No real way of knowing this unless I follow her to the store. Also, and really the main reason I'm suspicious, is because the man I accused her of having a affair with lives across the street. We've been neighbors for approx. eight years. In all that time, me and him were never friends, but he was friends with my wife. Now this guy is married and at first I didn't find anything real suspicious, I travel alot in the summer, when I was away she would spend time with them, but when I was around I always got the cold shoulder from them. A few years ago he started coming over to the house and I started getting a little pissed, especially if and when I wasn't there. A bunch of stuff happened a year ago and it accumulated with a confrontation with me telling him in no certain terms that I didn't want him near my wife or on my property. I know I made my point, but this is where it gets a little weird to me. This guy LIVED in his front yard, he was ALWAYS out front doing something. After the confrontation, he disappeared, I mean he went from being there everyday, to me not seeing him for months. Also, my wife continued to talk to his wife for a couple of months after the confrontation, now there is no communication at all with either of them. My wife says its out of respect for me, I say bull ****. We went to counseling over this, and she cried when the mc told her she had to cut ties with this man. My wife never admitted anything but a friendship with him, but my gut and common sense told me it was more. As far as gathering evidence before I confront again, thats my plan, and yes, I have a problem with holding back. I planted a few traps in years past to catch her lying and she failed each and every time. This and her refusing to come clean for the earlier affair and then this one has my guard up...again.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

JustPlainOleTried said:


> This has been a ongoing deal. I used var's in the past. My problem with them is they are a pain in the a$$ to sit and decipher. Plus she already found one I had in the kitchen. I might try another in her car, the problem with this is we have multiple cars. I found the area where she talks on the phone, its outside, I counted over fifty cigaret butts between our garage and house. Its a great place to talk, as its outside and she can see if someone is coming from the house and or up the driveway. This "discovery" was one of the things that got me suspicious. She has no problem smoking in the house, and I have only seen her talking outside once or twice. This is new since she found the var in the kitchen. As far as whats "new". It's more of a gut feeling..coupled with some evidence. I placed a gps in one of the cars and she has lied to me where she's been. Small, lies, like she was shopping in the mall, but the gps said she was at another parking lot. It was "near" a mall, but still a ways. This happened a couple of times. Also, she has a Hotmail account, and she was deleting emails and had disabled the "recover deleted email functions". without her knowing, I reset it to the standard setting. She reset it to the delete all email setting again about a week later. She claims she didn't, but there is no way she reset it without knowing as its pretty hard to do by mistake. I had a keylogger on the computer too, but again didn't get much. What I did find was she was deleting the Verizon wireless bill immediately when it came in the email. This doesn't make a whole lot of sense, but she pays the Verizon bill twice a month, I believe she's paying the "real" phone and adding time to the "cheat" phone. No real way of knowing this unless I follow her to the store. Also, and really the main reason I'm suspicious, is because the man I accused her of having a affair with lives across the street. We've been neighbors for approx. eight years. In all that time, me and him were never friends, but he was friends with my wife. Now this guy is married and at first I didn't find anything real suspicious, I travel alot in the summer, when I was away she would spend time with them, but when I was around I always got the cold shoulder from them. A few years ago he started coming over to the house and I started getting a little pissed, especially if and when I wasn't there. A bunch of stuff happened a year ago and it accumulated with a confrontation with me telling him in no certain terms that I didn't want him near my wife or on my property. I know I made my point, but this is where it gets a little weird to me. This guy LIVED in his front yard, he was ALWAYS out front doing something. After the confrontation, he disappeared, I mean he went from being there everyday, to me not seeing him for months. Also, my wife continued to talk to his wife for a couple of months after the confrontation, now there is no communication at all with either of them. My wife says its out of respect for me, I say bull ****. We went to counseling over this, and she cried when the mc told her she had to cut ties with this man. My wife never admitted anything but a friendship with him, but my gut and common sense told me it was more. As far as gathering evidence before I confront again, thats my plan, and yes, I have a problem with holding back. I planted a few traps in years past to catch her lying and she failed each and every time. This and her refusing to come clean for the earlier affair and then this one has my guard up...again.


polygraph time then
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Clay2013 (Oct 30, 2013)

I think you have your answer. I would separate and file for divorce. 
She is never going to be honest with you. Why waste another day suffering. I did this. I waited ten years on my xW to grow up and quit playing with my head. My life is so much better now. I am glad I kicked her to the curb. If you don't take care of you no one else will. 

There are much better women out there. I have remarried since and I am very content. 

Clay


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## JustPlainOleTried (Nov 18, 2013)

ShootMePlz! said:


> Why stay married to her if she has been acting this way all this time??


 I have two kids, now 14 and 16. When I first discovered the first affair, they were six and eight. There was NO way I was leaving and she refused to leave and refused to admit any wrong doing even though I had a ton of non-physical evidence. She refused MC and refused to even discuss it. At the time I was having difficulties with my two sons from my previous marriage and I felt it was best to just bunker down and ride the storm out (Ok.. I rug swept it..) We wound up living pretty much separate lives while still raising our kids together. This worked ok, till a few years ago when I got tired of living a sham marriage. I wanted her to work on it or force her hand and divorce, this is when the second affair which I believe just started or was going on for a few months. When that came to a head, she agreed to work on the marriage and we have been doing so since. To me, its been a weak try. You can tell when someone is sincere and when their not. I stopped my spying till a couple months ago. I placed a var in the kitchen and recorded a couple of conversations. Even though I didn't hear enough to support her having an affair, I did have to listen to how rotten of a person I am. She flat out lie's about how I treat her and was telling her girlfriend how she couldn't wait till the kids were older so she could leave. This was being done while i THOUGHT we were doing good. I mean the sex was better, we were talking etc... That alone has me thinking...


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## BrockLanders (Jul 23, 2012)

It's pretty easy to disable the password on an Android phone. Can you take her phone for any extended period of time? She might not need a burner phone, she could be using Google Voice, etc.


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

Sounds to me like this is not a new affair, it is probably with the same guy, they have just refined their communication techniques since she found out you were suspicious again.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Good grief, man. Just leave her. Make her EARN you back.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

standard evidence gathering. Recommend the Ezoom gps. User RDMU has used it for ages and is very pleased.

standard paste below
VARs and evidence

Your wife is acting funny. Her phone and email suddenly have passwords you don't know. She shuts down phone apps or changes windows on the computer whenever you enter the room. She is suddenly staying out until 2 to 5 in the morning. She has new single friends. She has lost weight and is dressing hotter to boot. Her ex contacted her 3 weeks ago and she wants “to meet to catch up at some public place” Any of this sound familiar? 

If you are reading this your gut is going crazy. “Relax”, in that there is a high liklihood that you are not crazy at least. “Your gut” is your basic instinct from the caveman period. There is something up with your mate. It is part of your mind built into you and in your DNA. You probably cant sleep. You are losing weight like crazy and are not hungry. Well if you are reading this and that is 90% of you reading this if its your first time... You are embarking on what is probably going to be the worst time of your life.

Chin up, yes I know it is damn near impossible to believe now, but I and the people at TAM here have taken dozens of men through this process. Some reconcile, most dont in the long run so be aware. Most of us hang around this grim grim place for a sense of “pay it forward” and “getting at the truth” Even in divorce, the long run the majority find love again... yes really. Often selecting a far far better future companion. Read poster BFF for a thread of disaster, divorce, recovery, and a new wonderful woman in his life. Younger and hotter, yes, but also one with better boundaries, often a far far better personality match. Oh and they get to go through that first time with her after the first I love you's have been exchanged. Just know, that for the majority, even if the marriage crashes, in six months, a year, maybe two you will wonder how you got so far so fast and how great your new life is. You will also be MUCH MUCH stronger as a person.

So. Here are your instructions. Do this now. I dont mean next week. I mean make something up within the next day and GET IT DONE! Not looking will only prolong your agony.
Rule 1 for this.
SHUT UP. Eyes open. YOUR mouth closed. confronting only makes them better at hiding. 
Rule 2 for this.
SHUT UP. Eyes open. YOUR mouth closed. confronting only makes them better at hiding. 
Rule 3 for this.
SHUT UP. Eyes open. YOUR mouth closed. confronting only makes them better at hiding. 

NO MORE CONFRONTS!! Play dumb husband for a bit. Dont drive her further underground! Soft confronts RARELY WORK AND ONLY MAKE GETTING AT THE TRUTH HARDER!!! THIS PROLONGS YOUR AGONY! NEVER give up you get your intel from the VAR. You tell her, you always got your info from a PI or someone saw them. Hard confronts with overwhelming evidence to crush all resistance are the name of the game.

Buy 2 sony ICDPX312 or ICDPX333 voice activated recorders. Best Buy sells them for like 50 bucks. DO NOT BUY THE cheapies. USE LITHIUM batteries. We have examples of 25 hour recordings using them on these sony recorders. My icon IS a Sony ICDPX312. No I do not have stock in nor work for Sony.

Setup instructions are on page 19. Also good stuff on page 31.
Use 44K bit rate for balancing file size vs quality DO NOT USE 8K!!!!! Simply put. The higher the quality the better the sound and 8K sucks. ALSO. The higher the quality the more you can manipulate the mp3 in Audacity.
Set VOR "on" see page 38
See page 40 for adding memory if necessary
Play with it yourself to get familiar. TEST IT OUT 
Turn off the beep feature. Its on one of the menus. You can even play prevent defense by going to a dollar store, buying uber-cheapie earbuds, cut off the buds but put in the jack which will actually disable the speaker for additional protection.

Go to Walmart and buy heavy duty velcro.
This is one item: Velcro Heavy-Duty Hook and Loop Fastener VEK90117: Office : Walmart.com
also
Purchase VELCRO Hook and Loop Fasteners, Sticky-Back, for less at Walmart.com. Save money. Live better.
The velcro is usually in the fabric section or less often in the aisle with the fasteners like screws. The velcro pack is mostly blue with a yellow top. Clear pack shows the vecro color which is black or white. 

Use the velcro to attach the var under her seat UP INSIDE. SECURE IT WELL!!!!!! So well even a big bump wont knock it off. attach one side HD velcro from Walmart to back. USE BIG PIECE
attach other side HD velcro again UP INSIDE car seat. 

ATTACH THE CRAP out of it. It needs to stay put going over big potholes or railroad tracks.
I recommend exporting the sound files to your comp. The recorder is very cumbersome for playback.

Put the second VAR in whatever room she uses to talk in when you are not around. If you are a typical man, use your size advantage to put it someplace she cant reach, even on a chair. Beware spring cleaning season if she does it.

Amazon has a pen VAR that can be placed in a purse or other small place to get remote conversations. Yes the pen works.

Usual warning. If you hear another man and perhaps a little kissing or... STOP Listening and have a trusted friend listen and tell you what went on. Knowing she is a cheat will kill you. Hearing her moan while another man is inside her will murder you to your very soul!!!!!! You are not strong enough to hear that. Dont try it. I know what I am talking about in this.

If you need clean up the recordings get Audacity. Its free from the internet. I have used it on var work for others here to remove things like engine noise. If needed, I have done var work for four men here. RDMU is the only one who has released some of the confidentiality. Read his second thread for my reliability and confidentiality. 

Lets be very clear about what the VAR is for and is not for. It will not be court admissible evidence. It is not for the confrontation. IT IS TO GET YOU AHEAD OF THE AFFAIR so you can gain other real evidence by knowing the who and when. NEVER MENTION YOUR VAR EVIDENCE. As far as the cheater is concerned, they were seen by a PI or something NOT your VAR!!

If your wife comes home from an alone time does she immediately change liners, change panties possibly even immediately laundering them?, shower? This can be an after the fact clean up. Amazon sells a semen detection kit called checkmate.

The ezoom GPS has been found to be easy to buy at Radio shack and useful. There is even a locator webpage you can track with.

Look for a burner phone. This is a second phone from a prepay service just used for cheating communications. That is often why wives let the husband "see their phone" The dont use their main phone for cheating purposes.

There is an app out there called teensafe. Its for both Iphone and Android. It monitors texts, GPS and facebook. Needs no jailbreak. Not perfect and delayed but no jailbreak required.

Look for apps on her phone like words with friends. It has a non traceable texting feature.
Here is a list 25 Apps to Help You Cheat On Your Girlfriend | Complex
Rclawson came up with how to get the PW on an ipad
http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping...eling-my-wife-cheating-me-16.html#post4692714

A poster named Stigmatizer came up with this nice app that appears to give the caller name for iphones:
http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping...y-creepy-happening-my-home-7.html#post4769890

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/4854930-post220.html
Hi rosie!

If he uses chrome or firefox, there is probably a list of saved passwords you can look at. Even if his email isn't saved there, people usually only use a couple of different passwords, so one from the list might work. 

For firefox it's Tools -> Options -> Security -> Saved Passwords

For Chrome it's the little box with three bars in the top right -> Settings - Show advanced settings -> Managed saved passwords


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

May I make a suggestion? When are you going to finally realize that you have been beating a dead horse for how many years now and just end this farce of a marriage. It's obvious that she is putting up a false front and she really doesn't give you the love and respect that you deserve and will continue to have her way when she wants, where she wants and how she wants it knowing full well she has you chasing your tail like a dog.

Friend, she's three steps ahead of you and she knows it. Until you put the brakes and let her know that it's time for her to move on, she's going to be four steps ahead and your losing bad now and it will get much more worse.

Time to put your big boy pants on and taking charge of your family and either divorcing her and her cheating ways or put up with it and live the life you in now. Your choice, but the games she's playing with you is her game and you have no way of competing with her let alone beating her at it.


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## CASE_Sensitive (Jul 22, 2013)

Only other advice is to lay low, (maybe a fake business trip), lull her into a false sense of comfort, and then have a PI monitor her for a few days. My question for you is does OMW have any suspicion of your wife?


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

I guess this will come across as a dumb question from me. You have had 8 years of trying to catch your wife red handed in an affair. She has been very skillful at dodging you attempts to catch her. It has gotten to the point that you two ended up living as roommates and staying for the sake of the kids. There hasn't been any trust between the two of you for 8 years (or longer). You are convinced she's cheating on you. She's convinced that she won't be able to do anything without you spying, sneaking or accusing her of lying/cheating/deceiving. 

Basically, you two have been playing cat and mouse this entire time. Assuming you live in a no fault state, I gotta ask why are you continuing to live this way? You've had 8 years to catch her. You couldn't do it. No one is that good that they wouldn't slip up at some point with 8 years of surveilance, questioning and spying.

I think you have to ask yourself - is she really cheating? We're talking 8 years of trying to catch a cheater. You used VARS, keyloggers, cameras and other devices I'm sure. When will it be enough?

Did you ever consider that her lying and deceit may not be the cause of your spying but the effect of your spying? Maybe she's telling you lies because she is tired of being watched constantly? IDK, not saying this is happening either way, but you need to start thinking about this seriously at some point if your 8 years of surveilance has yielded nothing tangible aside from circumstantial at best evidence. 

The bottom line is the trust is gone from both sides. It's been gone for a long time. Assuming you live in a no fault state, you are probably not going to get much of anything if you prove she has cheated after all of these years. You're wasting your time. Whether she is or isn't cheating, you are convinced that she is. Stop wasting your time and just divorce.


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## JustPlainOleTried (Nov 18, 2013)

First, I appreciate ALL the responses and suggestions. Just to clarify a few things... 1.) My goal is to either catch her cheating now, or 2.) Prove without a doubt she cheated in the past. Why?, because I do not wish to leave my home or my kids. I've had experience in a split marriage and split time with my kids, and I will do anything I can not to go that route. My only way of getting her to leave is to prove she cheated in the past or is now. I have a excellent pre-nup in place so I'm pretty confident I'll fare well in the financial department. What I'm concerned about is the kids. If I force her out without more concrete proof, I feel it will be harder on them. 

A quick note on the time line of all of this, in 2006 I first suspected her of cheating. At the time, our marriage wasn't good and she had no interest in MC or working to make it better. To be honest, I was tired of dealing with her drama and tired of beating my head against a wall to make things better. I would have welcomed her leaving for another man. Unfortunately, the other man decided, he didn't want a cheat for a second wife and he dumped her. I was left with not enough evidence to force her out and with two young kids, and my refusal to split time with them, I decided to move into the in-law suite. We lived separate lives on the same property, this worked to a point for a few years. Even though we slept in separate beds, we still maintained somewhat of a relationship. It was more for the kids then anything else though. With the kids getting a little older, this "arrangement" was starting to lose merit. I didn't want to go through life with someone that didn't want to be with me. I started to rethink where we were in life and I decided to once again push for reconciliation. At this point, I found TAM, read Women's Infidelity and the Athol's book on becoming a better man. As I was attempting to make the marriage work, the "new" affair started to unfold in front of my eyes. This is when I started to go "detective", and this was roughly a year and a half ago. 

Since then I made a lot of mistakes, one was confronting her too soon. I feel my confronting her only drove this latest affair to go "underground". After I confronted her, she cried, and begged to try and make our marriage work. She agreed to marriage counseling and has been making an attempt..... To me the attempt has been weak at best. She has not admitted either affair, and she shows no remorse. I've caught her in stupid lies, and have her on var lying about how I treat her and how she can't wait to leave... I tried getting her to leave a few months ago after all this, but she has rallied her parents against me saying they can't believe she would ever cheat and I'm the one that must be cheating because I'm accusing her. 

Well... thats pretty much were I'm at. She's lying through her teeth, giving me just enough effort to claim she's trying and I'm getting that gut feeling somethings up, because of some stupid lies she's telling me. One more thing... Just to shed some light on this. My wife is a stay at home mom.. even though she promised to go back to work when the kids were old enough to go to school...which has been ten plus years. There is NO reason she can't work, as she tells it, she hates people and would rather die then go back into the work place. I've made life way to comfortable for her and I'm paying for it dearly.


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

At the very least, I would force her a*s back out into the workplace. She's comfy and entitled and apparently a sneaky liar. Why should you bankroll all of that?

Give her an ultimatum. Tell her she has to get a job. Right now she has her cake and is eating it too all on your dime. I would shake up that scenario. If she wants another man, let her pay her expenses.


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## JustPlainOleTried (Nov 18, 2013)

Back to my original post.. Uncovering the truth.... I have a few ways to go with this. 1.) I can dig now for evidence of something happening now.... 2.) I can talk to the guy who she had the affair with six years ago... I have some strong evidence I could use, or just confront him... This guy actually drove to where I worked six years ago and did everything but tell me he was banging her. At the time I was too stupid to realize what he was doing. Maybe he would give it up now? 3.) Talk to the wife of the guy I suspected the latest affair?, they live directly across the street, I'm a friendly guy, but they were never friends of me AND my wife, they were HER friends. I spent a lot of time in the early part of our marriage coaching youth sports, later I spent a lot of the weekends in the summer racing, which is a profession not a hobby. I always felt she was bad mouthing me to them as they always acted a little funny around me. In retrospect, I think my wife befriended the wife to get closer to the husband. This is 20/20 hindsight. When I went back through the phone records of the past year, she was talking to BOTH of them alot. After I confronted her on the possible affair, the phone calls stopped altogether with him, but continued for a few weeks with her. Now, for the last few months, my wife isn't talking to her at all... Maybe she knows something? Worth talking to her?


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## Tobyboy (Jun 13, 2013)

Hire a PI.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

I would tell her you have a polygraph appointment set up then see her reaction to this.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Clay2013 (Oct 30, 2013)

I get not wanting to split time with the kids. But you need to stop and think. Do you really think this life you are living is healthy for them now. My kids suffered dearly while I tried to keep the family together through all my xW cheating. After the divorce they did better and school and have lived a far better life than they would have with her in it. Yes I did get custody. I do no regret the divorce. The only regret I have is not leaving sooner. 

There are ways to draw this to a head and deal with it now without all the secrecy. Tell her you want her to take a polygraph to prove she is not cheating. Tell her if she passes you will seek counseling for your problems. Tell her if she fails to pack her bags. 

I am sorry you are even having to deal with this. Chasing my xW for ten years over these same fears just killed me. 

Clay


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

Here are a couple things you can do....if your name is on the phone records you can call verizon and get past bills. 
2. if she does have a burner phone but it has wifi and she uses it, you can see it if you login into your gateway and note who is on the wifi
3. the other options is to hire a PI, granted its not cheap but if she is cheating then you get your wish sooner. 
4. do not go to the first guy....he might set her off.
5. do not go to the wife across the street because she is currently an unknown, meaning she could be friendly or she may see you as disturbed. But if you discover the info then your use it against your wife first to get a written confession. 

I definitely smell a rat


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

Tobyboy said:


> Hire a PI.


Provide as many oportunities as you can and play dumb... before hiring the PI, a good one (give him free access).
Fake travels, go MIA for a few afternoons/nights and tell her in advance so she can "schedule".


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## JustPlainOleTried (Nov 18, 2013)

Here's the game plan... 

1.) Since I have a gut feeling there is something still going on....not positive, just enough flags to make me think something is up, I plan on going back to VAR's in her cars and track both of them along with a gps tracker on her phone. I'll go with this for the next six weeks or so. I have a business trip planned for mid December so if anything is happening, I'll know with this much fire power. If I do get something I'll hire a PI to nail her.

2.) If nothing happens before January, I'm thinking about talking to the first guy or the wife of the neighbor. My wife might be telling the truth about not cheating now... That doesn't change the fact I want her out, if not for the past but the fact of her bad mouthing me to her family and friends.

3.) If the above two fail to materialize anything before spring, I'm planning on filing divorce papers and just ending the misery and taking my chances in the courts.....


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Get the ezoom. She may be on to the phone teacking... But if the phone and the car are in sepatate places...


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## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

JustPlainOleTried said:


> Here's the game plan...
> 
> 1.) Since I have a gut feeling there is something still going on....not positive, just enough flags to make me think something is up, I plan on going back to VAR's in her cars and track both of them along with a gps tracker on her phone. I'll go with this for the next six weeks or so. I have a business trip planned for mid December so if anything is happening, I'll know with this much fire power. If I do get something I'll hire a PI to nail her.
> 
> ...


No ifs. Hire a PI while you're on your trip. You should have evidence when you get back. Is this only for your peace of mind? I think the only thing that's going to work is that you file for D and start doing the 180. Work out. Start looking good. Show her that you while you may love her, you don't need her. You can move on and be deliriously happy without her.


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

sandc said:


> No ifs. Hire a PI while you're on your trip. You should have evidence when you get back. Is this only for your peace of mind? I think the only thing that's going to work is that you file for D and start doing the 180. Work out. Start looking good. Show her that you while you may love her, you don't need her. You can move on and be deliriously happy without her.


Yes, hire the PI now before the trip so that the PI has time to establish her routine. Also, you get a chance to see how good the PI is.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Not everyone has the 500 to 1500 for a PI...

Great idea but...


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## JustPlainOleTried (Nov 18, 2013)

I'm looking into Private Detectives.... Still trying to find someone local with references... any help would be appreciated, I'm in the Philadelphia area. I'm still working on doing my own investigating as well. GPS, and VAR's. I have Eblaster installed, but I'm having trouble getting the GPS to work.... 

Just a quick recap of where I'm at with this mess. I believe in my heart, that my wife is a serial cheater. In 2007, we were going through a real rough patch, she showed all the signs of cheating, sex with me was once a month (and it wasn't good, no passion, just hurry up and lets get it done), we were battling terribly, she tried to force me out of the house, she said she wanted a divorce etc. (I agreed, but stated I wasn't leaving the house and wanted the kids) I didn't have TAM at the time and even though I suspected she was cheating I didn't have any physical evidence. I tried getting her to go to MC, I tried talking... she wanted no parts of anything. Even though we were fighting and the sex was close to nil, every time it got to the point of us breaking up, she would get hysterical and not want to break up...(????) I later realized that even though she didn't want me, she had it to good to leave, as she didn't work, had no financial responsibility, had full freedom, etc.. etc..

In 20/20 hindsight, and some things I discovered later on, the guy I suspected her of having the affair wasn't willing to take her on full time. When he broke it off, she made just enough of an attempt with me to keep me from leaving. Our life together was far from pleasant, but with two young kids I was willing to rug sweep the possible affair. Due to her being miserable around me and the constant fighting, I moved into the in-law suite we have over the garage. For the next four years I lived there and we pretty much raised the kids together while living separate lives. 

In 2011, I met a woman and started a EA, I realized that it was going to go physical, and before that happened, I wanted to look long and hard at my marriage. Even though it was a sham, I still had a commitment to my kids and wasn't ready to move on. I decided to once again try and make the marriage work. I found TAM, read Married Mans Sex Planner and went to work on myself. I tried a different approach with her, and told her that I wasn't willing to be in a sham marriage anymore. 

We did some battling and it got to the point I decided to file for a divorce, with this, she once again got hysterical and promised to try and make it work. Things were somewhat ok for a few weeks, but then I noticed her relationship with a neighbor. I confronted her and she threw the EA I was having back in my face. What she had with him was at a minimum a EA and possibly another PA. Unfortunately I confronted her too soon, and without any physical proof. I believe this has now gone underground. This is the affair I'm trying to investigate now. I'm not 100% sure its going on, but there are numerous flags to make me think something is.


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## manticore (Sep 3, 2013)

yes man, i was gionna suggest using a PI as you just post, if she is so cynical about it as your describe, the PI will have no problem catching her in less than a week, and problem solve.

I may seems expensive but if is a quick job, it will save you more suffering, anguish and mental torment.


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## JustPlainOleTried (Nov 18, 2013)

A question... I KNOW in my heart my wife has cheated at least once and possibly a "few" times. She denies this... and has agreed to take a polygraph test to prove it..... BUT...I've caught her in numerous lies, ones where I KNOW she lied. She's a VERY GOOD liar and I think she is to the point where she believes her lies. I'm thinking about taking her up on the offer and having her take the polygraph.... Any thoughts on this? My goal is to force her out of the house and for me to retain residence and my kids who are at this time 14 and 16... If I didn't have this as a goal, I'd just divorce her and leave myself. My wife is very concerned how she looks in the eyes of others. I believe having evidence of her affairs will tilt the odds in my favor of having her leave.


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## manticore (Sep 3, 2013)

then you need the PI not the polygraph, even if she fail all the questions, it will be no good as leverage against her, because she always can argue with family and friends that she was nervous or polygraphs are not 100% effectives.

the polygraph is for you, not to prove something to someone else.

in the other hand, A picture of her leaving a Motel with a guy say it all.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Would a camera help? Bestbuy has cameras starting at a hundred dollars that work on your wifi. You can watch them from another computer or a smart phone.


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## tayfungover (Nov 28, 2013)

JustPlainOleTried said:


> I was a member of this board a while back and got some great advice. I had to change my screen name because my wife found the site and was monitoring my actions. To make a long story short, I know in my gut and by a ton of overwhelming circumstantial evidence that my wife has cheated in the past, and I believe her to be cheating now. I confronted her on this latest affair that I knew of a year ago. I believe the affair has gone underground and I'm now trying to catch her in an attempt to have her leave the house. I believe she has a second phone that she talks on when I'm not there, I also believe she's seeing this other guy when she goes to the mall or another supposed errand. She's a SAHM, so she has plenty of time to make this work. She's also a pretty good liar and is good at covering her tracks. I recently installed MSpy on her phone, but this program was terrible, it barely did anything it was advertised to do. Is there a good cell phone spyware anyone can suggest for a Droid? I'm looking for a real good gps more then the txt features. My goal is to track her by the cell and when I see her where she is, confront her.


Hi,

I recommend you using a good, professional app for her phone. This is the best way to discover all this in a few hours maximum a day.

There are many apps for kids, teens etc, but this one is designed exactly for your situation : http://spyera.com

Good luck


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