# Need advise please (long story to understand)



## havehope402 (Jul 14, 2014)

Just found out my wife of soon to be 2 years probably cheated. Sorry if this is long but I have to give details so things are not one sided.
We started seeing each other when we were both married to our ex's. We had so much in common that it was wrong to be with the wrong person. I still tried to work it out with my ex and she was already divorced. Yes I trying to do something that I know I didn't want but in my ex's eyes I wanted her to know I did try. I would take our daughter to see her in a different state and my current wife was my girlfriend at the time. She didn't like it but I had to take our daughter to see her mom because she couldn't afford to come see her. After I found out she had been sleeping with someone I knew it was time to quit (hypocrite I know). I invested everything with my current wife and things were amazing. She was perfect. We dated for 3 yr and we tied the knot and we knew it was a good decision.
Things were ok between us. I was jealous because she liked to have more guy friends than girlfriends but I managed to try and control it a little bit. We would argue but nothing to where things are right now.
She went to San Antonio for some training this May and she met someone there. They stayed in contact and she would text him throughout her work day and they would be on the phone when I was working night for a month. I knew something g was wrong because she was different. She told me she wasn't happy and we talked about it. I always told her things would get better if we work through it. In June I saw the guy text her at 945pm when we had friends over. She deleted it like all the messages from him. I confronted her and she promised it wasn't anyone yet I saw the name of the sender. She broke the phone when I told her to call him. She did that after 3 rings. She didn't have a phone so she used email to contact him, the first one said, "here I am in bed wishing you were holding me like those last couple of days together." Then they went on to say how much they love each other and want to be together. He's married with two kids and we don't have any just my daughter from my last marriage. I found out the password and printed the emails and she did that again with a fake email she created. I found that out as well then they started to Skype while I was at work. Took me till mid June to find that out. We would argue because my brother is staying with us and he told me she would go to bed at like 7-8pm. She never did that and it was to Skype with him after reading the Skype messages to confirm it. Then they would talk at work so it doesn't show in her call logs. I confronted her about it and she lost it. I told her to stay with a friend and not come home and she came home and broke our front doors window. I called the cops when she wouldn't calm down and she got arrested. She moved her clothes out the house and is staying at her friends apartment because she lives with her fiance. We didn't talk for a week and she missed me. Even with a no contact order issued by the court we contacted each other and I stayed with her a couple of days. She told me she has a miscarriage and the kid was mine. Did research and it seems like it was a lie because we had sex 2 days after that happened. It's hard for a girl to do that because she is in pain. She's now texting him and calling him on a daily basis and she tells me that she isn't when she really is. She says she wants to work it out but it's hard for me to see that yet I'm always trying to see her and be with her.
I just need some guidance on what to do because all of our friends might choose n e sides and it's hard to deal with someone that constantly lies to your face. Sorry for the length but if u read this then you know I don't know what to think right now. Any help and guidance would be greatly appreciated. Thank you for your time.


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## The Middleman (Apr 30, 2012)

Cheating after 2 years of marriage ... no kids ... this is a no brainer. Leave her, let everyone in both of your families see the Skype messages and file for divorce. She is not marriage material (and that's the best thing I can say about her). She is just playing you for a fool. Run, do not walk away from her.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Wow sorry you are here.
You have been married just under 2 years and she's already cheating not good.
First get a hold of the other mans wife asap show her the proof.
Whether or not you d she should know what a pos her h is.
Oh and get tested for STDs.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Divorce her. I would imagine her first marriage ended due to her past infidelities, including with you.


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## workindad (May 7, 2011)

Another vote for STD tests
See a lawyer and protect your assets asap
Let POSOMs wife know she deserves the truth also
Do not get this one pregnant!!
If she becomes pregnant and claims you are the dad- insist on a paternity test.

This is not healthy- get the he!! out.


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## Jasel (Jan 8, 2013)

If they'll cheat with you they'll cheat on you...


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## tainted (Aug 16, 2013)

Run away from this one. Any "women" who would lie about a miscarriage is a psycho ****.


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## Dyokemm (Apr 24, 2013)

First thing I would say is some blunt truth to you.

Why did you expect it to be different with you?

You were the POSOM who helped her to destroy her first M, while betraying your own M and family at the same time.

You knew she had this capability in her...why were you naive enough to think she would never repeat the process in your relationship?

She is a hopelessly broken serial cheater who will probably NEVER stop repeating this cycle in her relationships.

If you regret your past behavior and do not want to be a person like that again, but instead be a loyal and honorable family man, you are going to have to leave her to do it.

If you stay with her, your resentment and pain at her continued adulteries will probably tempt and lead you back into the life of a worthless POS who wantonly ruins other people's M's.

It doesn't sound like you want to be that person anymore...if not, then file for D immediately.

Expose her A to both your families, all friends, and ESPECIALLY to the BW of her current POSOM.

You were a despicable cheater who knowingly f*cked over another man's M and life when he had done nothing wrong to you....but you DO NOT have to stay that person.

You can be better.

Good luck.


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## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

Unfortunately you are learning the hard way that most people whose relationships start out of affairs almost always run into problems. She is cheating on you and she has a history of it and this pattern will likely continue.

She most likely wants to get back with you because the OM isn’t really available or dumped her once she left you. You are plan B and until she even begins to show any remorse for her decisions you should file for divorce. The miscarriage and it was yours, all that whether it is true or not is just her trying to get attention diverted off the real issue. She is having an affair. 

Your only married 2 years so divorce should not be that difficult.


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

You cheated and ended up with the person you cheated on your ex.

You wrote this in your post: 

*We started seeing each other when we were both married to our ex's. We had so much in common that it was wrong to be with the wrong person. I still tried to work it out with my ex and she was already divorced. Yes I trying to do something that I know I didn't want but in my ex's eyes I wanted her to know I did try.*

*I invested everything with my current wife and things were amazing. She was perfect. We dated for 3 yr and we tied the knot and we knew it was a good decision.*

Your wife is not perfect - shw was and still is a cheater. If you both knew it was a good decision then why is your wife cheating on you?

So you have so much in common and you felt it was wrong to be with the wrong person. It seems like you definately have the wrong person now.

So much for "soul mate", "the one", etc. In many cases the grass being greener, is just that, a fairy tale myth.

Statistically, marriages like yours, where both spouses cheated and end up married to their cheating partner, end up divorced in very high numbers.

You married a cheater, knowing she was a cheater. You are a cheater and left your wife to marry the person you were cheating with.

Frankly your story did not come as a surprise and just goes to show how the statistics in these cases are fairly accurate.


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

Thorburn said:


> You cheated and ended up with the person you cheated on your ex.
> 
> You wrote this in your post:
> 
> ...


When a cheater gets cheated on by another cheater it is hard to be sympathetic. You reap what you sow.


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## xakulax (Feb 9, 2014)

Your relationship was built on bed of lies and deception how can you possibly expect to have honest and true relationship when you both cheated on your spouse's with each other and now you expect loyalty ????????????


dude my advice let her go move on with your life you have been designated as plan B and based on her track record she goes for plan A.


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## MovingAhead (Dec 27, 2012)

You cheated on your wife with this person who cheated on their husband. You expect her to be faithful to you?

I forget who said it but, 'You can't fix stupid.'

1. Find a moral compass
2. Atone to your EX
3. Extirpate Cranium from Anus
4. Be a better human being and move on


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

havehope402 said:


> We started seeing each other when we were both married to our ex's. We had so much in common that it was wrong to be with the wrong person.


Sir, consider yourself to have been hit by the karma bus. If she'll cheat with you, she'll cheat on you.

But even if that hadn't happened, I see absolutely no sign that she is remorseful for what she's done. Combine her track record with her lack of remorse and your decision is an easy one.

Divorce her, move on with your life and accept your hard earned life lesson.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

badmemory said:


> Sir, consider yourself to have been hit by the karma bus. If she'll cheat with you, she'll cheat on you.
> 
> But even if that hadn't happened, I see absolutely no sign that she is remorseful for what she's done. Combine her track record with her lack of remorse and your decision is an easy one.
> 
> Divorce her, move on with your life and accept your hard earned life lesson.


Consider yourself lucky you were not stuck paying for someone elses kid for the next eighteen years.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Divorce.

_Posted via *Topify* using iPhone/iPad_


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