# Men, what are the telltale signs...



## livelaughlovenow (Apr 23, 2012)

That you are not in love with your partner anymore??? MEN only please answer. Thank you


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## Interlocutor (Dec 29, 2011)

When I'd rather masturbate than make love to my wife...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## FormerSelf (Apr 21, 2013)

For me, love goes beyond a feeling...this "in love" business. When we first meet someone, we hit the bonding/attachment phase...the honey-moon, euphoric "IM SOOO IN LOVE!" feeling where you obsess, crave, chase, don't eat-don't sleep. But eventually it cools down, we have to be able to function in reality when we have bills, stresses, accidents, hospital visits, communication issues, past hurts...all these things that are inescapable...and show the human part of ourselves that isn't magical. This is where committed love comes in...that we take charge of our emotions, work hard at investing our hands and time into the relationship...choosing to not reflect on the negatives...but on the positives (unless of course there is some actual abuse, neglect, addiction...then yeah, don't ignore those!)...then you will begin to see a difference in your partner as you treat your partner with love and respect...not having contempt.

But telltale signs of a relationship going down? The dance of death begins when we have unresolved issues, namely looking at our partner as being to blame...where one or both partners refuses to accept responsibility...and arguments are never fully resolved or understood. This builds up into contempt, where grudges, unforgiveness, and just a mental dismissing of each other take place. 

A relationship is in its last gasps when the arguing stops, when things inexplicably seem calmer (not because reconciling occurred, but because one or both partners stopped caring to invest anymore...gave up on reconciliation). At that point, a person may know love has left the building when a rising sense of relational claustrophobia occurs, when there is a sense of "not feeling" anything as one relates to their partner (cos that bond/attachment has been eroding and commitment values aren't kicking in).


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## livelaughlovenow (Apr 23, 2012)

Thank you to the first poster, second poster, I get that but given the poll of men not in love with their wives, I was wondering specific things...


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## FormerSelf (Apr 21, 2013)

Gotcha...I have always loved my wife...even when it has not been reciprocal...but that is a choice I made. However, now that my wife has filed for divorce due to her cheating, and gave me the ILYBNILWY speech...I felt a lot of pain..and I tried to surge through. But after three years of ups and downs...and now her final decision to file for divorce a month ago...I can personally say I felt a disconnect this time...like a piece of metal bent back and forth too many times...my in-love-ness definitely died. I just feel this cold hollowness in the place where I beheld her in my heart.


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## Omgitsjoe (Oct 1, 2012)

One stop doing the " little things " for her which I think is screaaaming " i dont love you anymore " !?!? If you dont care if she had to take the snow off her car herself , not make the coffee before she gets up , buying flowers for her for no reason ......... are all signs that the love is going away or already gone. Good luck !


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## Mr Blunt (Jul 18, 2012)

> Men, what are the telltale signs...
> That you are not in love with your partner anymore??? MEN only please answer. Thank you


You do not hurt when she hurts, 
You always choose yourself over her, 
Your words may sound like love but the actions tell a completely different story
You would always rather be with other people than with your wife
You never show respect for your wife
If your wife shows interest in another man and you are apathetic


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## johnnycomelately (Oct 30, 2010)

You no longer care enough to argue. Indifference is the opposite of love in my opinion.


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## doubletrouble (Apr 23, 2013)

When you feel indifference to anything she says or does.


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## livelaughlovenow (Apr 23, 2012)

Several of you have described feelings, how do you act out those feelings of "indifference"? I'm just curious. Again especially given those poll results, if men are feeling indifferent, why aren't their wives getting it? Some have mentioned signs, I like that... So to the rest of you, how does indifference cause you to act differently?


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

Omgitsjoe said:


> One stop doing the " little things " for her which I think is screaaaming " i dont love you anymore " !?!? If you dont care if she had to take the snow off her car herself , not make the coffee before she gets up , buying flowers for her for no reason ......... are all signs that the love is going away or already gone. Good luck !


:iagree:

I knew a woman who was divorced after her husband had an affair.
She told me that she realized that something was wrong with the relationship when he stopped doing little things like making her morning coffee when he made his, and putting toothpaste on her toothbrush in the morning time, before he left for work.


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

I've always been affectionate towards my wife. When being "in love" stopped is when I stopped looking at her and wanting to give her a hug, kiss or some other sign of affection just for no other reason than I love her. 

I still love my wife and I always will ... but I may no longer love her like a husband loves a wife.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

I agree with johnnycomelately that indifference is the opposite of love. One of the big warning signs missed by men whose wives have checked out and are possibly starting an affair is she stops "nagging" him or stops arguing with him about little stuff. He thinks she become a better, more understanding wife when in reality she is checking out of the marriage.

There are different kinds of love within a marriage, but I think when a husband is "no longer in love" he has no more regard for his wife than if she were an acquaintance he has little contact with.

No special little efforts which he used to do. Flowers, notes, phone calls at lunch time, etc. Lets his grooming standards decline especially on weekends when maybe he used to spiffy himself up for date night with the wife.


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## bbdad (Feb 11, 2013)

Indifference is simply that. I just don't care what she does. Fix dinner or don't. I don't care. Clean house or don't. I don't care. Go out with friends or not, it doesn't matter. I simply don't care what she does. 

I will take care of the things that directly affect me. Anything else, I simply do not care what she does. That is how I know the "love" is gone. There may still be friendship and a type of caring, but that "love bond" is gone when things reach that point.


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## Racer (Sep 24, 2009)

I suggest you get the book 5 love languages (or something like that). Anyway, different people express this emotion differently both in how the show it and feel it. For instance, I’m more of a physical contact person, so I need intimacy. She uses her own language... Action based. So, she sees me doing stuff for her and feels loved. 

See the two totally different perceptions? Don’t fall into our trap... We tick differently. So her looking out for signs that I loved her would fall under surprising her with a romantic dinner and a babysitter. Or maybe going to the store and getting her favorite bottle of wine she ran out of . All those little gestures.

And in my head, I looked for that intimacy. Her jumping my bones for no apparent reason other than how she felt about me. Her needing to curl up against me. Holding hands, making a real effort to be by my side, etc. 

And as the marriage struggled, each of us asked the other for more and more in each of our own little perceptions of what we needed; Complaints. And each of us denied each other those things until the other “proved their love” to be worth giving these other things. So, like me, I felt like a butler and rebelled only doing what chores she asked for. My wife felt like a sex toy and rebelled only providing bare minimum duty sex. See how different it became? And internally, each of us felt less and less loved by each other.

So, how does your husband express love? Have you asked him or have you just assumed it works the same for him as it does for you?


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## Malpheous (May 3, 2013)

I'd have to say it was that first time I tried mowing her down with my car. I knew right then that we needed a divorce...


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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

I think everybody knows the guy that stays late at work (with nothing to do) just because he doesn't want to go home. Or the guy that hits the pub everyday to avoid going home. In these cases there isn't even another woman, they just would rather be alone than at home with their wives. This behavior is a really bad sign.


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## tulsy (Nov 30, 2012)

bbdad said:


> I just don't care what she does. Fix dinner or don't. I don't care. Clean house or don't. I don't care. Go out with friends or not, it doesn't matter. I simply don't care what she does.
> 
> I will take care of the things that directly affect me. Anything else, I simply do not care what she does. That is how I know the "love" is gone.


Add to it that I no longer want to have sex with her and we have a winner.

Been there.


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## livelaughlovenow (Apr 23, 2012)

Racer said:


> So, how does your husband express love? Have you asked him or have you just assumed it works the same for him as it does for you?


This is not simply about me and my husband, in fact I have received a couple private messages from other woman, glad that I asked... 
one asked that i post, for those this has happened to, do you think your wife even realizes you are not in love with her anymore? Does she simply feel something is amiss but cannot put her finger on it? 

For my relationship my husbands love language is physical touch and closeness. I make sure to show him regularily that I am still into him, although when things really hit a rough patch, I think there is the possibility he feel out of love with me, so in part my question has a few purposes... mostly to clarify for women, what we should watch for.


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