# Is this normal?



## DameEdna (Aug 26, 2009)

Whilst I know my OH earns a good amount of money at his job (which he works bloomin' long hours for.... a well paid office based job... he part owns a small company) I have no idea EXACTLY how much savings we have. He's avid that we "balance" up our money (what we have in our wallet) each week and I have to record all my spends over the week (is this normal??? Been doing it for years so I assume other couples do same)

He has stocks and shares (I think anyway:scratchhead and "investments" in accounts that you can't get to, as well as a pension. He has computer software that records all our spends etc. It shows an amount of money that he says we have, then he's cagey about it. 

He acts like we're short of money all the time, neither of us has a particularly special car, though we have a lovely home and enjoy expensive holidays and regular meals out. 

Our teenager is starting Uni and she's a huge drain on our money generally, we've been way too soft on her, she has a couple of part time jobs on an "as and when basis" which isn't regular enough, that'll stop when she goes to Uni. 

Hubby thinks it's more important for her to get a good education than it is to work, but he did work in holidays from his Uni, and I worked full time from 16. 

Is all of this "normal?"

PS I work part time so I do my bit!


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## MarriedWifeInLove (May 28, 2010)

To be honest, he sounds CHEAP.

Cheap people always fudge on exactly how much money is "available" because they don't want anyone to spend it.

They have a need to save and have a cushion of money and they will guard it like the goose that laid the golden egg.

I know, I've been married to CHEAP for almost 29 years.

My husband used to ask me for $$ and say he didn't have any and there might be $100-$200 in his wallet. He just wanted MORE as it may him feel better to have $$--like a security blanket.

He's relaxed quite a bit than when he was younger, but he's still cheap.

Now, he never had me balance up what I spent each week or anything of that nature, that would not fly one bit in my house.

But, if you don't mind, then it doesn't matter.

But, the lack of transparency as to your financial assets isn't right. You should not only know what you have but have the ability to access it if need be. 

Normal is relative to each couple.

What might be normal to you might not be to others and vice versa.

But, on the face of what you've posted here, I see CHEAP written all over him, not a crime--but you should definitely know where your family is financially--this is not just his business, but your business too as his spouse.


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

I think you need to have a talk with him. You *need* to know where the money invested. A marriage is a partnership. My wife has a full handle on where her accounts are but not a clue as to where I've invested the bulk of our money. She just doesn't care or worry about it. It bothers me in case I step out in front of a bus that she wouldn't know where it is. I keep a list on file in my desk with my will but just in case, I'd feel better if she had a general idea of at least how much is out there. Also the life insurance policies..... You should have full transparency with your husband on where the money resides.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

I am like that. I didn't care if the kids worked in college -their call. I demanded educational results first and foremost at all costs.


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## rj700 (Jun 22, 2012)

Are you ok with not knowing? If you're not ask him. You should at least know where everything is just in case. I handle all the money, but I don't hide it. My wife never asks, but if she did I'd show her. I've shown her where I keep everything, including passwords to accounts.

I don't make her account for spending. But neither of us make large purchases without discussing it first.

So if you are uncomfortable not knowing, then ask. If he won't show you the specifics, ask why not.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Personally I couldn't be in the dark with finances. I need (and like) to be actively involved and know exactly where we're at. In our household, I'm the one who pays the bills, makes sure the mortgage is covered etc. It works for us this way. We both know what's happening though, so to answer your question, that wouldn't be MY idea of normal. 

It sounds like it's been a long time like this. Is that the case? Why are you now questioning this?


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

DameEdna said:


> He's avid that we "balance" up our money (what we have in our wallet) each week and I have to record all my spends over the week (is this normal??? Been doing it for years so I assume other couples do same)


I have relatives that do this. They either save the receipts or write down all their spending. 

It's not something we do. When I'm looking at the credit card statements, I just ask hubs if I notice a transaction I'm unsure about - just to make sure it's legit. It doesn't happen often.


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