# Wife seeing her ex.....



## saunqimg (Apr 4, 2018)

Long story short I have been married to my wife for only 6 months. I met her a year prior and she broke up with me at-least 4 times to go back to her ex. Each time she was always back to me within a week because the guy made her miserable. He was her first love in her life and they were together 5 years before meeting me. I think I was her rebound which is why she kept returning to him. Finally she returned to me 3 months prior to our marriage and it was like a new woman. She was passionate, loving, sensual and confessed her love for me over and over again and asked me to marry her as she didn't want to spend another day without being my wife. 

6 months into our marriage now and I lost my job a few months ago. I have a new one but it doesn't start for 2 more weeks. Due to my layoff we have stayed with my father to make ends meet until I start working again. It has been hard staying here as we are cramped in a small room and we have zero privacy. We have been here 3 months now and 1 month ago she moved out to stay with some friends. She said she was not leaving me at all but could not live in my dads house any longer. I understood that as it is pretty crappy here. 

Well last week I found out she had been talking to her ex again and that they have seen each other a few times. I read a text thread they had. We had a huge fight and she has mentioned the word divorce a few times but then says no, she loves me and doesn't want a divorce but wants to be separated to figure things out. Well this morning I saw her car at her exes house when I went to town. 

I do not want our marriage to end but I cant have this going on. How do I go about giving her an ultimatum without seeming needy? I do not want our marriage to end but I also cannot have her ex in her life. Not at all, No texting, nothing! Her being at his house is the last straw. What do I do and how do I approach it? I want to salvage our marriage, not end it but I know the majority of you will tell me shes already gone and to man up and cut my losses. If thats your advice then so be it....but if there is advice as to how to salvage, please let me know.


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## Malaise (Aug 8, 2012)

You want to salvage a marriage where your W keeps going back to her ex?

Why?

You know she's having sex with him.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

For a salvage operation to occur you must have some residual value present.

In her, in your' marriage, you have none.
You will never have any.

Losing your job was a test, one done by friends on the 'other' side of things.

It was a test.

It did not test you.
It tested her.

She failed, failed early in this program, your' marriage program.

Kiss the ground that she failed, folded so early.

You were never 'the one'. 

You were a stop gap man, a straw man, a straw husband.

Someone to pay the bills, someone to titilate her fancies.

Until, the EX passed his test, took her back in.
She is where she belongs.

You are where you deserve to be.
Away from her, away from him.

File for divorce. Never look back.


TRQ-


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

saunqimg said:


> Long story short I have been married to my wife for only 6 months. I met her a year prior and she broke up with me at-least 4 times to go back to her ex. Each time she was always back to me within a week because the guy made her miserable. He was her first love in her life and they were together 5 years before meeting me. I think I was her rebound which is why she kept returning to him. Finally she returned to me 3 months prior to our marriage and it was like a new woman. She was passionate, loving, sensual and confessed her love for me over and over again and asked me to marry her as she didn't want to spend another day without being my wife.
> 
> 6 months into our marriage now and I lost my job a few months ago. I have a new one but it doesn't start for 2 more weeks. Due to my layoff we have stayed with my father to make ends meet until I start working again. It has been hard staying here as we are cramped in a small room and we have zero privacy. We have been here 3 months now and 1 month ago she moved out to stay with some friends. She said she was not leaving me at all but could not live in my dads house any longer. I understood that as it is pretty crappy here.
> 
> ...


Just go ahead and divorce.


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

SunCMars said:


> For a salvage operation to occur you must have some residual value present.
> 
> In her, in your' marriage, you have none.
> You will never have any.
> ...


SunCMars hit the nail on the head with this one.

She's showing you who she really is. She can't stay faithful to you, and she isn't capable of sticking with you through better or worse.

Thank your lucky stars that you found out now before you had kids with her... kids that might not have even been yours to begin with.

You deserve better than this. Better than whatever she's offering.

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

Yo-yo relationships should be a red flag to you.


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## BarbedFenceRider (Mar 30, 2018)

So, you have a very odd relationship since the beginning, but in your mind...She is gold. You put the ring on the finger. Riiight. Nice one.

Then she goes back to the ex. Because, she only using you for security and financial stability. NOT LOVE.

Then, as the world turns, you lost your job...You are living with your dad. (notice, no mention of mom and dad) and she bolts yet again.


I think you need to dump her, stay single until you get yourself wired right and living comfortably. You should not even be thinking marriage and kids right now. Just sayin'.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Cut and run....


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

So your wife keeps going back to her ex, is currently having an affair with him, and you want to try to save the marriage? Are you literally insane??? No. Just no. Tell her ex he's welcome to her, get a divorce, work your new job, save up, get back on your feet living independently, and seek out a decent woman who isn't prone to screwing her ex whenever he crooks his finger at her.


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## saunqimg (Apr 4, 2018)

Ok, I think its unanimous...So should I tell her I know shes been seeing her ex or just act like the divorce is my idea? how do I approach this subject with her?


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

saunqimg said:


> Ok, I think its unanimous...So should I tell her I know shes been seeing her ex or just act like the divorce is my idea? how do I approach this subject with her?


She's not going to stop cheating on you. 

Tell her you know she is cheating with her ex and that you are going down to the courthouse to gather paperwork for an annulment. 

Since you have only been married six months, try to do an annulment if such an option is available in the state you live in. An annulment doesn't require attorneys. You and your so-called wife can fill out the paperwork and file it yourselves, and the Court will usually issue a dissolution very quickly. This way you can move on with your life and find yourself a mature female who will actually love you, and your wayward wife can go and be the duplicitous, sneaky cheater she enjoys being.

P.S. Oh! And don't have sex with her anymore! Do not get her pregnant!


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## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

saunqimg said:


> Ok, I think its unanimous...So should I tell her I know shes been seeing her ex or just act like the divorce is my idea? how do I approach this subject with her?


Hey honey you know.....with you moving out and hanging with your ex ....ummmm...I just anit feeling it .....you know IT.....love. I think its time to part ways we can look into an annulment. I'LL call a lawyer and get the ball rolling..

I guess hel will sent you something in the mail. Whats your mailing address?

I feel better getting that off my chest!


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## Windwalker (Mar 19, 2014)

Pretty simple really.

Ghost her. Hard 180. Do not speak to her. Why would you even bother?

She has broken up with you numerous times to go running back to her ex before you were married, and now that you have hit a rough spot she's in his bed. Why the **** would you even want to talk to someone like that?

Go to the courthouse and file. Easy peasy.

She sounds like an emotional leech.

And get tested for STD's! No telling where he has been.


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## snerg (Apr 10, 2013)

saunqimg said:


> Ok, I think its unanimous...So should I tell her I know shes been seeing her ex or just act like the divorce is my idea? how do I approach this subject with her?


Approach subject with her?

Did she approach you about getting back with her ex?

1) Lawyer. Now.
2) Talk with your lawyer about annulment and divorce. 
3) Start the dissolution process.

The only one you should be approaching the subject to right now is your lawyer.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

saunqimg how old are you and your wife?


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

saunqimg said:


> Ok, I think its unanimous...So should I tell her I know shes been seeing her ex or just act like the divorce is my idea? how do I approach this subject with her?


Don't approach her. See a lawyer and have her served at work. She was never yours.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Satya said:


> Yo-yo relationships should be a red flag to you.


I want that pup soo baaaad!


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## TAMAT (Jun 20, 2015)

S,

Cut her off with NO COMMUNICATIONS, you never had a marriage and never will, your marriage will always include a third person even if this current one goes away.

Get an annulment if you can.

Don't have sex with her for any reason and be glad if you didn't get an STD or get her pregnant or she didn't run up huge amounts of debt! 

There is not nothing to save here, except to save yourself from a lifetime of pain.

Once you get rid of her do not allow her to communicate with you or she will manipulate you back into loving her.

Tamat


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## Steve2.0 (Dec 11, 2017)

So you are the overly nice guy that loves her because she is special.... a unicorn like no other.

_"she got back to me 3 months before you got married"_ -> you married her 3 months into a reboot of the relationship? Dude you are so far away from owning your manhood and having self worth. Why did you let her crawl back.

GET OUT NOW before you owe her too much... like go see a lawyer immediately to start the divorce. She will not respect you and she has already cheated on you. You have to decide if you can live a life married to someone you can't trust. Basically she is using you for support and long-term safety but EX boyfriend is using her for sex. Now that you lost the job and live at home her 'long-term safety' guy is questionable at best.

How much privacy does she have living with her friends? Most likely NONE, just like your house... Except with her friends she is free to do what she wants, but at your home (with the same privacy level) she is stuck with you

*For you, i recommend reading *"no more mr. nice guy" book and "rational male" by rollo
You need to take a few days off work and read both of those books while you are waiting for your lawyer appointment. _**Edit, you have no job, so both books should be read by tomorrow night**_

*Today *you can start your journey into being a man and finding a women that will enjoy the new you (she will come crawling back when you transition) or you can settle in with her, have some kids... and have a more difficult way out in 5+ years from now when you find out she cheated again


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## Broken_in_Brooklyn (Feb 21, 2013)

saunqimg said:


> Ok, I think its unanimous...So should I tell her I know shes been seeing her ex or just act like the divorce is my idea? how do I approach this subject with her?


Have her served divorce papers at her ex's house. Like at 7 AM 

That is how you tell her.


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

Yes, you "tell" her through your actions.
Words aren't even necessary.


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## Real talk (Apr 13, 2017)

Wow this type of simpness is kinda tough to read. I used to this gullible and stupid but this is kinda extreme.

You have extremely low self worth and that needs to be worked on. You can only do this alone. Giving advice about how to break up is pointless because clearly all she'll have to do is rub your and you'd be on your knees begging. Just wait for her to finally be tired of you and start your personal reckoning.


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## Glamdaring (Apr 3, 2018)

saunqimg said:


> Long story short I have been married to my wife for only 6 months. I met her a year prior and she broke up with me at-least 4 times to go back to her ex. Each time she was always back to me within a week because the guy made her miserable. He was her first love in her life and they were together 5 years before meeting me. I think I was her rebound which is why she kept returning to him. Finally she returned to me 3 months prior to our marriage and it was like a new woman. She was passionate, loving, sensual and confessed her love for me over and over again and asked me to marry her as she didn't want to spend another day without being my wife.
> 
> 6 months into our marriage now and I lost my job a few months ago. I have a new one but it doesn't start for 2 more weeks. Due to my layoff we have stayed with my father to make ends meet until I start working again. It has been hard staying here as we are cramped in a small room and we have zero privacy. We have been here 3 months now and 1 month ago she moved out to stay with some friends. She said she was not leaving me at all but could not live in my dads house any longer. I understood that as it is pretty crappy here.
> 
> ...



Wow...

Run. 

"I do not want our marriage to end but I cant have this going on"

It's already ended. She ended it. Fool me once and all. She's toxic, and I would almost say sociopathic, as in she has zero empathy for you if she just betrays you at the drop of a hat damn.

Let me say this clearly. YOU.. do not want that woman, stop convincing yourself you do. She is not "The best you'll ever get" or "Your only chance at happiness, or sex, or love, or whatever dire circumstance your telling yourself in order to hang on. There are millions of women in the world. 99.9875% of them are better than that one.


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## Glamdaring (Apr 3, 2018)

Real talk said:


> Wow this type of simpness is kinda tough to read. I used to this gullible and stupid but this is kinda extreme.
> 
> You have extremely low self worth and that needs to be worked on. You can only do this alone. Giving advice about how to break up is pointless because clearly all she'll have to do is rub your and you'd be on your knees begging. Just wait for her to finally be tired of you and start your personal reckoning.


I was too, in my first marriage. I held on to the most toxic person I have ever met in my life. It took me TEN YEARS to leave, no... for God to drag me kicking and screaming out of that relationship slap me in the face and tell me to BE BETTER!


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

You don't approach the subject with her at all. You don't approach her at all. You stop talking to her, messaging her, or communicating with her in any way, shape, or form. Let her go! Shake her off. Reject the very thought of her.

Buy a book on divorce in your state. Read it. Do what it says. She will know that you are divorcing her when she is served divorce papers. You never have to speak to her again, and you shouldn't. You need to get her out of your system.



saunqimg said:


> Ok, I think its unanimous...So should I tell her I know shes been seeing her ex or just act like the divorce is my idea? how do I approach this subject with her?


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## BluesPower (Mar 27, 2018)

*Are you Freaking kidding me with this question...*



saunqimg said:


> Ok, I think its unanimous...So should I tell her I know shes been seeing her ex or just act like the divorce is my idea? how do I approach this subject with her?


Are you Freaking kidding me with this question...

OMG, my young brother, I am not going to yell, but will you wake the $$$$ up? 

Your "WIFE" has been cheating with her ex that makes her "miserable", except of course in the bed room, since you started dating. 

What is wrong with you that you would ever, ever, ever accept this type of disrespect? WHAT? 

Are you deformed in some way, are you mentally deficient, what is it. 

Your relationship with your dad is good enough for him to let you stay till you are on your feet. What is it? Please tell us. 

You need to wake up and figure out how to be a man, because this is not it. Did your mom treat your dad this way? 

I will bet you are a run of the mill good guy and buddy, there are so many women out there in the big world that you cannot imagine what it is like. 

Please divorce your so called wife, and start going to therapy so you can figure out why you would ever let any woman treat you this way.


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## Real talk (Apr 13, 2017)

Glamdaring said:


> I was too, in my first marriage. I held on to the most toxic person I have ever met in my life. It took me TEN YEARS to leave, no... for God to drag me kicking and screaming out of that relationship slap me in the face and tell me to BE BETTER!


I was lucky enough to be forced out of the situation before marrying her even though I was dumb enough to have tried. That's why I try my best to.l judge because we're all have been in dumb gullible situations. But my goodness this is well past toxic.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

saunqimg said:


> Ok, I think its unanimous...So should I tell her I know shes been seeing her ex or just act like the divorce is my idea? how do I approach this subject with her?


This isn’t difficult.

You tell her that you’re divorcing her.

When she asks why, you tell her it’s because you know that she’s cheating with her ex again.

When she denies it, you tell her to save the lies for someone who cares and that you’re still divorcing her.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

saunqimg said:


> Long story short I have been married to my wife for only 6 months. I met her a year prior and she broke up with me at-least 4 times to go back to her ex. Each time she was always back to me within a week because the guy made her miserable. He was her first love in her life and they were together 5 years before meeting me. I think I was her rebound which is why she kept returning to him. Finally she returned to me 3 months prior to our marriage and it was like a new woman. She was passionate, loving, sensual and confessed her love for me over and over again and asked me to marry her as she didn't want to spend another day without being my wife.
> 
> 6 months into our marriage now and I lost my job a few months ago. I have a new one but it doesn't start for 2 more weeks. Due to my layoff we have stayed with my father to make ends meet until I start working again. It has been hard staying here as we are cramped in a small room and we have zero privacy. We have been here 3 months now and 1 month ago she moved out to stay with some friends. She said she was not leaving me at all but could not live in my dads house any longer. I understood that as it is pretty crappy here.
> 
> ...


Have her served with divorce papers. 

She will not see you as needy.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

There were red flags flying high before you married, so what did you expect ?She isn't going to change.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

saunqimg said:


> Ok, I think its unanimous...So should I tell her I know shes been seeing her ex or just act like the divorce is my idea? how do I approach this subject with her?


Make an appointment with a divorce lawyer and file for divorce. No need to talk with her. 

She didn’t feel the need to let you know she was staying with her ex.


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## UpsideDownWorld11 (Feb 14, 2018)

Its over, dude. You see the pattern, right? You're 6 months in it, lucky, it could be A LOT WORSE. Don't let it get to worse. Because it WILL if you delude yourself into thinking she will change. People that have patterns don't change. They continue their patterns over and over. She isn't healthy, shes likely screwing this guy or else he'd have nothing to do with her. Serve her, ghost her, NO CONTACT. You made a mistake, don't double down on it.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

saunqimg said:


> Ok, I think its unanimous...So should I tell her I know shes been seeing her ex or just act like the divorce is my idea? how do I approach this subject with her?


Get a lawyer and discuss this with your lawyer and do whatever your lawyer says will be the most advantageous to you.

Look out for yourself and do whatever is best for you.

Don't worry about her; she's taking care of herself just fine.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

saunqimg said:


> Long story short I have been married to my wife for only 6 months. I met her a year prior and she broke up with me at-least 4 times to go back to her ex. Each time she was always back to me within a week because the guy made her miserable. He was her first love in her life and they were together 5 years before meeting me. I think I was her rebound which is why she kept returning to him. Finally she returned to me 3 months prior to our marriage and it was like a new woman. She was passionate, loving, sensual and confessed her love for me over and over again and asked me to marry her as she didn't want to spend another day without being my wife.
> 
> 
> 6 months into our marriage now and I lost my job a few months ago. I have a new one but it doesn't start for 2 more weeks. Due to my layoff we have stayed with my father to make ends meet until I start working again. It has been hard staying here as we are cramped in a small room and we have zero privacy. We have been here 3 months now and 1 month ago she moved out to stay with some friends. She said she was not leaving me at all but could not live in my dads house any longer. I understood that as it is pretty crappy here.
> ...


She clearly wants the ex and not you. Give her to him. And then ghost her.
Do not be a cuckold. Have more self respect.

When she said she “needed some space to figure things out”, she meant she wanted more alone time to **** her ex.

No contact and file papers. You already know this. Stop stalling and file.


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## USD2018 (Apr 4, 2018)

You will feel great after initiating and going through with the annulment/divorce. It will feel bad until it is completed, then you will realize that you do in fact have pride because that is what you will need to act on throughout the whole thing.

She has no respect for you and there is nothing you did to make that the case. It's just the way she is, she's her ex's pet and he has her locked into his sexual and emotional roller coaster. She knows this deep down, and lacks the character to mend herself. Instead, she's trying to make herself feel better by getting a good guy like you to love and commit to her. 

It's not that she's better than you, but she thinks she's better than you and uses you to boost her wounded ego while she continues on with her addiction to whatever crappy treatment she is getting from her "ex" who is not really an ex, but a f**k buddy. 

The sooner you exit their toxic cycle, the better. I bet her ex really gets his rocks off having his way with another man's wife. 

You obviously have a good sense of your own value of commitment if you are even considering the possibility of allowing her to be redeemed in your esteem. Please don't waste your potential as a husband on so undeserving a subject. 

Let someone else meet and fall in love with you so that you can experience the best in life. Good luck


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## saunqimg (Apr 4, 2018)

I am serving her as soon as I can. I will go to courthouse and file tomorrow. I love the idea of having her served at his house. That will certainly be an blow to her ego. She is an extreme narcissist by the way. I was a whipped puppy and she knew it and took advantage of me. I thank everyone for their bluntness. Sometimes it takes others to say what needs to be said to give that person in denial the, "AH HA" moment they desperately need. 

Thank you.


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## TAMAT (Jun 20, 2015)

Post marriage take some time to date so you don't marry another one like this one, narcissist can smell vulnerability.


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## poida (Jan 17, 2014)

saunqimg said:


> I am serving her as soon as I can. I will go to courthouse and file tomorrow. I love the idea of having her served at his house. That will certainly be an blow to her ego. She is an extreme narcissist by the way. I was a whipped puppy and she knew it and took advantage of me. I thank everyone for their bluntness. Sometimes it takes others to say what needs to be said to give that person in denial the, "AH HA" moment they desperately need.
> 
> Thank you.


Good for you. Don't waste another day of your life on this pathetic excuse for a woman.


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## Windwalker (Mar 19, 2014)

TAMAT said:


> Post marriage take some time to date so you don't marry another one like this one, narcissist can smell vulnerability.


Kinda like a great white and blood in the water.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

Honestly how many ultimatums are you going to give her...dear god man, stop acting like a doormat, your father should have told you to dump her the first time, so if he won't i will...DUMP HER NOW!!!


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

saunqimg said:


> I am serving her as soon as I can. I will go to courthouse and file tomorrow. I love the idea of having her served at his house. That will certainly be an blow to her ego. She is an extreme narcissist by the way.


I usually don't show sympathy for those who post here confessing their partner cheated on them ... but they hang in there and won't let go.

I applaud you for waking up and seeing this for what it is sooner rather than later. Work on your self-esteem and in time you will find the right woman who will treat you with respect.

I'm sorry this happened to you. Cutting your losses and kicking her to the curb is a wise decision. Let us know how it plays out.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Come back and tell us how it went.


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## Graywolf2 (Nov 10, 2013)

You’re doing the right thing. Your wife is turned on by her bad boy first love and it appears that she always will be. But he’s too unstable to be marriage material. You’re the stable nice guy she sees a future with. 

When you lost your job you lost a great deal of why you were attractive to her.


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## Ms. Hawaii (Mar 28, 2018)

saunqimg said:


> Long story short I have been married to my wife for only 6 months. I met her a year prior and she broke up with me at-least 4 times to go back to her ex. Each time she was always back to me within a week because the guy made her miserable. He was her first love in her life and they were together 5 years before meeting me. I think I was her rebound which is why she kept returning to him. Finally she returned to me 3 months prior to our marriage and it was like a new woman. She was passionate, loving, sensual and confessed her love for me over and over again and asked me to marry her as she didn't want to spend another day without being my wife.
> 
> 
> 
> ...




Why oh why would you want to work it out with her? 

Hello self respect?


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

B is for back up plan. Can you say doormat.......? I knew you could!

Dude! Stop sniffing another man's leftovers and find your own dinner!


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

You don't approach this with her, you see a lawyer TODAY, file and have her served either at her ex's or her work.

You pack anything she's got left at your dads and get a friend to drop it at her ex's house. DO NOT TAKE IT YOURSELF.

As of right now, she is dead to you. You block her from your phone, social media, email, the lot. What is there to discuss? She's treating you like crap, she's cheating on you - neither of these things are acceptable.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*A loyal wife does not treat her husband this way!

See a good family attorney and get out of this relationship now! She is anything but loyal to you!*


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