# Trying to keep it together



## moe (Aug 8, 2011)

Last August I started a thread about boundries in counseling. My wife was having an emotional affair with her counselor and very little boundries with a boss at work as well. She was pulling away and it scared me. We ended up moving, partly because an opportunity came up and partly this would get her out of this situation. We started counseling as soon as we moved and were going twice a week for 3 months until she finally anounced she was done. She left our marriage of 20 years and five kids and went to live with her mom and dad in the same area. Back when I first posted my thread I was very clueless as to the power of such an affair and certainly never thought she would leave. To me marriage was forever and the thought of divorce never entered my mind. She left in November, about a week before Thanksgiving, and this divorce has been dragging on and on. The deadline is October but I hope to settle things sooner. I tried in the begining to change her mind, especially in light of the 4 kids still at home. She never entertained a word and I have tried to move forward. I had the typical rebound relationship about 2 months after she left. It felt great to have someone love you but realized a month in that I was not ready. I have had a few dates here and there and then about 3 months ago met someone who is awesome. She is close to finalizing her divorce which has taken 2 years and I am close as well. We have really been great for each other and it has been nice to talk to someone who really gets it. We are both discovering we were in very dysfunctional relationships and realize how great a healthy marriage would be like. With our divorces still not final it has been a bit of a saftey net for me. Now that both are drawing to a close she is all in and I am having anxiety. She is perfect in so many ways and yet I still am having trouble getting over my 20 year of marriage. Just last night I had a sexual dream about my X. I guess that is probably normal? I would never take her back at this point, not that she ever would, but how long does this take? My new love interest has been seperated a year ahead of me so it makes sense that she is further ahead. I don't want to lose her but how do I move forward while stuck in the past?


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## frigginlost (Oct 5, 2011)

moe said:


> Last August I started a thread about boundries in counseling. My wife was having an emotional affair with her counselor and very little boundries with a boss at work as well. She was pulling away and it scared me. We ended up moving, partly because an opportunity came up and partly this would get her out of this situation. We started counseling as soon as we moved and were going twice a week for 3 months until she finally anounced she was done. She left our marriage of 20 years and five kids and went to live with her mom and dad in the same area. Back when I first posted my thread I was very clueless as to the power of such an affair and certainly never thought she would leave. To me marriage was forever and the thought of divorce never entered my mind. She left in November, about a week before Thanksgiving, and this divorce has been dragging on and on. The deadline is October but I hope to settle things sooner. I tried in the begining to change her mind, especially in light of the 4 kids still at home. She never entertained a word and I have tried to move forward. I had the typical rebound relationship about 2 months after she left. It felt great to have someone love you but realized a month in that I was not ready. I have had a few dates here and there and then about 3 months ago met someone who is awesome. She is close to finalizing her divorce which has taken 2 years and I am close as well. We have really been great for each other and it has been nice to talk to someone who really gets it. We are both discovering we were in very dysfunctional relationships and realize how great a healthy marriage would be like. With our divorces still not final it has been a bit of a saftey net for me. Now that both are drawing to a close she is all in and I am having anxiety. She is perfect in so many ways and yet I still am having trouble getting over my 20 year of marriage. Just last night I had a sexual dream about my X. I guess that is probably normal? I would never take her back at this point, not that she ever would, but how long does this take? My new love interest has been seperated a year ahead of me so it makes sense that she is further ahead. I don't want to lose her but how do I move forward while stuck in the past?


Never open one door, without closing another...

Your anxiety makes perfect sense. I have stayed away from rebounds or anything serious for that very reason. I have made a few new female friends and who knows... Maybe something will progress with one of them. But I'm gonna be darn sure my head is on straight first...

Maybe you can slow things down a little? Above all, be honest with her.


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