# Very upset



## kalm (Mar 29, 2008)

I'm a full time mom and my husband works on the road, the baby and I travel with him. We have a good marriage, but we have a lot of problems that are outside of our marriage. We try to do things together, but we don't go out anymore because of the baby. We don't have family around, and I'm uncomfortable leaving him with strangers. I do try to have alone time, the baby goes to bed at eight and we go to bed at 10. So, for two hours every night we have time together for ourselves. My husband has been working more and more hours, and when he gets home, he justs wants to watch tv or go to bed. A few times he's wanted to get together with employees from work, but not do things with me. I begged and pleaded and screamed and cried, which has just driven him farther away. Well, the other day I came to stay with my mother for a visit - she ended up in the hospital, my husband called when he got off work and I told him about my mom and how I was so upset. He called back 30 minutes later and told me he was going to a work thing. Anyway, it turns out he lied. He went to a bar and met a woman from work. he was calling her the minute he got off work, but didn't call me until 2 hours later. He lied and continued to lie until he got caught. He showed no remorse for what he did until he had no where else to go. In fact, his initial response was anger. I swears he didn't sleep with her, or had any intention to sleep with her, but he lied about everything else. I don't know how to prove he didn't sleep with her. I even called her and she had a different story than he did about what they had talked about. He's upset now and promises to do anything to make the marriage work, but trust is very important to me and I don't trust him. If it weren't for the baby, I know I would leave. However, the baby's emotional needs are more important than mine. I really want to try to move past this, but don't know where to start. He erased the texts, so I can't see what they actually said. He did agree to take a lie detector test, and do what he can to retrieve the texts from the phone company, but it will take a court order and I don't know if we can get one under these circumstances. He keeps saying I have to trust him, but I don't know how anymore. He never did tell me the truth, he just got busted with his lies... I asked him why he did it, and he has no answer, if it's me, I will change, but he says its not. How can I even fix something if i don't know what's wrong. what caused him to lie, and pull away from me and call this other woman? Any why now, when I'm dealing with my mom, instead of being there for me - he didn't even care!! It hurt so bad. Please help..


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## nangie29 (Mar 28, 2008)

I am sorry you are going through all this right now. You must feel very hurt by all the things that has happened. First of all, being a stay at home mom can be a very draining job. You probably are craving some adult time and interaction by the time your hubby gets home. Hubby may be feeling he needs time to wind down a little so it may be hard for him to jump into the conversation. That's probably why all he wants to do is go to sleep or veg in front of the tv. But, that is just a matter of making good quality time for each other and not worrying so much about quantity.

The going out with a co worker and having two different stories of the conversation would throw up a big red flag for me. Even if he didn't physically cheat on you, he is spending some quality time with her that he could be spending with you. If he is willing to do anything to fix your marriage and build your trust then make him do whatever it takes to build that trust again. This will show he is really serious about making it work. I would set up an appointment with a counselor and I'm sure they could give you some trust building ideas. There are many couples who have had infedelity in their marriage and were able to work through it and make it work - so don't give up hope. Good Luck to you.


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

As far as the phone text messages you can get those from the phone company without a court order as long as your name is on the bill and you agree to pay the 15-35 cent a page printout of all the text messages for the given month.

I am interested in how her story is different from his...

I think he needs to lead a more open life including giving up the ability to text, unless he needs it for work.

draconis


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