# How I snooped



## LostAndBreathless (Jul 14, 2014)

I posted a couple of months ago about a friendship that my husband was hiding from me that didn't sit right. Everyone said that he was cheating on me, and while part of me knew I wasn't willing to listen. I've done a lot of snooping since then and I thought I would share some of the things I learned. My husband did all of his cheating from his mobile phone so your mileage may vary.

I got lucky since my husband only used about 3 different passwords for anything that wasn't super important, like our banking website. I was able to get them off of his computer with a program that reads all of your saved passwords on IE. I don't remember the name of the one I used but there are a ton of them if you Google it.

Email - Most people don't realize that any email you send from your cell phone on AOL, Outlook, and Yahoo are automatically copied to the Sent folder. You can't even see the folder on the mobile version, you have to go the full site to see it. Check not only the inbox but the spam folder. That's where I found things like a secret tumblr account he shared with one of his women. Access to the email account is crucial to resetting other passwords you may not have.

Phone bill - The detailed phone bill is essential. Any number that pops up a lot that you don't recognize plug into Facebook to see if it's attached to someone's account. If that doesn't work Spy Dialer will dial their voice mail and allow you to listen to it on your computer. Their look up is pretty accurate as well if they don't have a personalized greeting. AT&T only shows you the last 18 months for usage but you can go into their store and get any month printed up for as along as you have had an account with them for $5.

IMs - Yahoo Messenger archives every conversation, mobile or computer, unless the actually archive is deleted. I was able to see conversations going back 4 years. You can also be logged in on the computer at the same time as a mobile account. This lets you watch conversations in real time. You can download the archive into a text file for later reading.

Skype doesn't archive conversations as far as I could see but it does show you who he was recently talking to.

WhatsApp archives everything for the last few days. Simply delete the app from their phone and reinstall it. It will automatically load the last back up. I didn't get to try this one because I never got access to my husband's phone.

Line is trickier. You can log into a mobile device and a computer at the same time but the newest update sends a message to the mobile device telling them. You can only disable that if you have access to the phone. You can download their archive as a text file but if it is deleted on the mobile end it disappears on the computer as well.

PayPal - This is where my husband would spend money so I couldn't see what was happening. Most of the transfers would show up on our bank statement as PAYPALSI66 and he would tell me it was for paintball equipment or something to that effect. While you can only print statements for the last 3 months, the account history page has the history for the entire account. Just change the dates to when you want to see. Newer transactions even include invoices so you can see what exactly was purchased, not just where.

Facebook - You can be logged into the same account in multiple places. I was able to log into his Facebook account while he was using it and watch in real time as he spoke to the other woman. Take screen shots, once it's deleted the conversation is gone forever. I also found it useful to go the search bar and put up a random letter to see who he was searching for.

Google - Here is where I was actually able to confirm everything I thought to be true. My husband has an Android phone so I'm not sure this will work with iPhone. Google saves everything, you tube searches, safari searches, map searches, and the most important of all, location history. Sign into anything Google and under account you will find account history. I was able to see the days he told me he was going to work and was actually at her house all day.

It took a lot of patience but I was able to find out more information from my computer than I thought. When I couldn't figure out a password I would reset to one of his more commonly used ones hoping he would think that he just forgot it. It was a lot of fun changing every single password before I left.

I hope by sharing what I learned I can save someone a little bit of the frustration I went through.


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

Good stuff. You otta work for the CIA.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

thatbpguy said:


> Good stuff. You otta work for the CIA.


Or the IRS. She might be able to find some of those "missing" e-mails.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Just read through your other thread and realized that it's been almost 2 months since you posted this...



LostAndBreathless said:


> I should have listened when every one of you said that I didn't need any more proof than what I already had. I snooped for days and I found 7 different emotional affairs and 2 sexual affairs in the last 3 years. There are probably more but I don't want to know anymore at this point.
> 
> I feel like someone has punched me in the gut multiple times. Does this feeling ever go away?
> 
> He doesn't know that I know. I've smiled and continued to play the doting wife. I have a doctor's appointment next week to get tested. All I can do now is thank God that He didn't answer my prayers for a child. For now I am just hiding money and my valuables until I have a concrete plan in place.


How are you holding up? Did you ever confront? Are you looking to reconcile or divorce?


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## 4x4 (Apr 15, 2014)

Skype creates a local database file that is readable. Google for something like "Skype db reader" and they are out there.


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## LostAndBreathless (Jul 14, 2014)

We are currently in counseling. He's hoping for a reconciliation but I don't know what I want at this point. The therapist says he is a sex addict and that it is no different than the thrill of a druggie getting their fix. It's difficult to wrap my head around. She also said that the entire story was so outrageous that I should write a book. My life has become an episode of the Jerry Springer Show.

I wake up some mornings and I don't know which way is up. Part of me feels like I did something wrong to have caused him to head down this path and the other part of me hates the sight of him. All I know for sure at this point is that I am working on me. And if it doesn't work out, I have a thumb drive full of pictures and emails that will definitely prove his infidelity to anyone that asks.


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

make sure you have backup copies kept in several locations (preferably offsite).


And, dont stay with a serial cheater (unless you want an interesting meaningless life with him).


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

LostAndBreathless said:


> We are currently in counseling. He's hoping for a reconciliation but I don't know what I want at this point. The therapist says he is a sex addict and that it is no different than the thrill of a druggie getting their fix. It's difficult to wrap my head around. She also said that the entire story was so outrageous that I should write a book. My life has become an episode of the Jerry Springer Show.
> 
> I wake up some mornings and I don't know which way is up. Part of me feels like I did something wrong to have caused him to head down this path and the other part of me hates the sight of him. All I know for sure at this point is that I am working on me. And if it doesn't work out, *I have a thumb drive full of pictures and emails that will definitely prove his infidelity to anyone that asks.*


Back that sh*t up!!! Think "Cloud".


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## funnybunny29 (Apr 1, 2014)

Thank you for posting this LostandBreathless! I found some interesting stuff on my husband's Google history which proves even more that I'm married to a habitual liar. I have a question about the location history-does it give an exact address and how do I find it? Thanks!

I'm very sorry for what you're going through and hope things get better!


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

So he loves you but cannot give up the thrill of scoring with other women?

How did you confront him?


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## Prudence222 (Jun 25, 2014)

A lot of useful info, thanks a lot. I am in the stage of just starting to gather intel and your ideas are good. Please tell us how you finally confronted and why you decided when it was the right time. I am so scared of my big moment but I want to be as prepared and smart as I can be.


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## Acoa (Sep 21, 2012)

It is amazing what you find once you really pay attention. Even the best deceiver will leave some trail to follow.

The hard part is overcoming the doubt. I had a hard time believing the woman I loved, and professed to love me could be doing something so torrid.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

aug said:


> make sure you have backup copies kept in several locations (preferably offsite).
> 
> 
> And, dont stady with a serial cheater (unless you want an interesting meaningless life with him).


Google serial cheater, the chances they can stop are slim and none. There is just something cross wired in their brain. There is almost no examples here of fixing a marriage with a serial cheater. They just get to addicted. Getting pregnant with one or getting exposed to a disease isn't worth the effort if you don't have kids.

Cut your losses.


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## Fenix (Jul 2, 2013)

LostAndBreathless said:


> We are currently in counseling. He's hoping for a reconciliation but I don't know what I want at this point. The therapist says he is a sex addict and that it is no different than the thrill of a druggie getting their fix. It's difficult to wrap my head around. She also said that the entire story was so outrageous that I should write a book. My life has become an episode of the Jerry Springer Show.
> 
> I wake up some mornings and I don't know which way is up. Part of me feels like I did something wrong to have caused him to head down this path and the other part of me hates the sight of him. All I know for sure at this point is that I am working on me. And if it doesn't work out, I have a thumb drive full of pictures and emails that will definitely prove his infidelity to anyone that asks.


I wish I had read this thread about 16 months ago! Well, maybe even 24 months ago!  I don't buy the sex addict crap.  Your husband is a serial cheater and a cake eater. Mine was the same. He said he loved me and didn't want the divorce. He didn't know why he did what he did. Well, I know. It was because he was a narcissist and loved the power/ego stroking etc of the chase and boinking of women 20 years younger. But, he also liked the picture of a nice wife and two smart, well behaved children in his life. Now, he can chase all he wants because his children and his wife are no longer in his life.



LongWalk said:


> So he loves you but cannot give up the thrill of scoring with other women?
> 
> How did you confront him?


Yeah. That isn't love. That is a broken man.



Chaparral said:


> Google serial cheater, the chances they can stop are slim and none. There is just something cross wired in their brain. There is almost no examples here of fixing a marriage with a serial cheater. They just get to addicted. Getting pregnant with one or getting exposed to a disease isn't worth the effort if you don't have kids.
> 
> Cut your losses.


Excellent advice. Living with the lies and the lack of trust isn't worth it. Once I got out, I realized just how much of myself I had given away. I would never ever go back and am on the verge of a really wonderful life. My ex is a waste of space on this planet...and the only thing I have from him that I am grateful for are my children.


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## Mustang1968 (Sep 14, 2013)

iPhones can be "recovered" with a product by Wondershare called Dr. Fone. You can recover from the phone or their iCloud backup if you have their iCloud password but as you said most people use the same few passwords for everything. Dr. Fone will recover deleted text messages and emails and when you log into iCloud you can choose which backup to recover so you can reach back a little further that way. You can use the product for free but you'll have to pay and register if you want to save what you've recovered.


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## LostAndBreathless (Jul 14, 2014)

funnybunny29 said:


> Thank you for posting this LostandBreathless! I found some interesting stuff on my husband's Google history which proves even more that I'm married to a habitual liar. I have a question about the location history-does it give an exact address and how do I find it? Thanks!
> 
> I'm very sorry for what you're going through and hope things get better!


The Google location history does not give an exact address. From what I read it works by placing a marker every time you connect to someone's wifi and then it takes that wifi's location data and puts it on the map. There were a few times it jumped around but it was easy to see there's no way he went through 2 towns in under a minute and then back to where he was.

I couldn't tell you where exactly she lived with Google locations but I was able to find it with Zaba search.

To log into this sign into anything Google. In the upper right click on the profile picture, then click account, and account history. You'll find location history, safari searches (including images and maps) and you tube history all from that one screen.


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## LostAndBreathless (Jul 14, 2014)

GusPolinski said:


> Back that sh*t up!!! Think "Cloud".


I thought about that but if he ever got access to it I would lose it. So I have multiple thumb drives, just in case. Only one is with me.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Lost...

VERY impressive

SALUTE!


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## LostAndBreathless (Jul 14, 2014)

As far as I can tell he has ceased contact with all of his women. He is actually working with the therapist. She has given him a cold, hard dose of reality and he doesn't like what he sees. I've seen him cry more in the last month than the last 15 years. He is truly remorseful and ashamed at the things he has done.

Does this mean I am going to stay no matter what happens? Not a chance. I don't know what is going to happen but I do know that me and my feelings come first.


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

LostAndBreathless said:


> *The therapist says he is a sex addict *and that it is no different than the thrill of a druggie getting their fix.


:slap: Please.

He's first and foremost a serial cheater Lost. Don't loose sight of that and don't let that therapist convince you that he can be "fixed"; because the odds are long.


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## Acoa (Sep 21, 2012)

Maybe Hope will chime in. She has delt with reconciling with a sex addict. If I trust anyone's opinion on how to deal with such a thing it would be her.

My only suggestion is decide now if he is worth it. Assuming the best case. He doesn't cheat again, and earnestly works his program. Is he capable of making you feel special and can you find happiness again with him?


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Just my $0.02 USD...

Unless he was simply trading "love" for sex, all of the ILY's that OP's WH was swapping back and forth w/ the stripper would seem to indicate that there was something more than sex addiction at play.


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## LostAndBreathless (Jul 14, 2014)

The therapist has been very clear with me that this counseling is not a quick fix. She feels that this whole process is going to take three to five years. She also told me that in her professional opinion that I am going to get better, I am going to get my self esteem back and when that happens I am going to look at him and really think about what he did to me and not be able to stay. 

I'm still soul searching. We are talking about a man that I have been in love with for the last 15 years. A man who before this wasn't perfect but tried to be the best man he could possibly be. A man who supported me and loved me. If he was a drug addict instead of a sex addict, would I leave him? I don't know yet. That's one of things I am working out in counseling.

On top of everything else, my husband has a white knight complex. He loves to save damsels in distress. Add in a stripper who is a master manipulator and we now have someone for him to save. Almost every conversation between the two of them was centered around the fact that she needed something, money for the electric bill, the dog was out of food. I don't think he really loved her, I think he loved feeling needed. Why help me clean the house to feel needed when he could just throw $20 at her and get that same feeling?


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## beautiful_day (Mar 28, 2013)

Lost, please please read the Chump Lady blog. Just google her.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

LostAndBreathless said:


> I thought about that but if he ever got access to it I would lose it. So I have multiple thumb drives, just in case. Only one is with me.


That's why you back it up in more than one place. Carbonite, Dropbox, Google Drive, SugarSync, etc... there are TONS of options out there.

Upload instead of syncing w/ local folders, because this will lead to data loss if the local source repository is deleted. (This may have been what you were referring to...)


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## Prudence222 (Jun 25, 2014)

I can relate. When I have asked my husband about his "alleged" affair he would always say this friend needs him, has no one else and needs help with important things and I should not be suspicious. Its his x and I think their in love. Idiot.


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## BlueCalcite (Jul 15, 2013)

4x4 said:


> Skype creates a local database file that is readable. Google for something like "Skype db reader" and they are out there.


So does Facebook. I was able to recover Skype chats and Facebook messages from my xw's laptop hard drive.


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## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

LostAndBreathless said:


> We are currently in counseling. He's hoping for a reconciliation but I don't know what I want at this point. The therapist says he is a sex addict and that it is no different than the thrill of a druggie getting their fix. It's difficult to wrap my head around. She also said that the entire story was so outrageous that I should write a book. My life has become an episode of the Jerry Springer Show.
> 
> I wake up some mornings and I don't know which way is up. Part of me feels like I did something wrong to have caused him to head down this path and the other part of me hates the sight of him. All I know for sure at this point is that I am working on me. And if it doesn't work out, I have a thumb drive full of pictures and emails that will definitely prove his infidelity to anyone that asks.



I am in pain just listening to your story. Horrible. But your advice in the initial post is invaluable and thank you for it. Best of luck to you. You seem to be on your 'A' game


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## LostAndBreathless (Jul 14, 2014)

A couple of people have asked me about the confrontation so here we go. It was a lot harder to write than I thought it would be.

My husband swore up and down for a month that the stripper and a number from the 740 area code were just friends. He somehow managed to avoid telling me 740's name. The stripper even thanked me for understanding why she needed a friend (she claimed the first time we talked that her daughter was being molested and my husband convinced her to go to the cops) and wanted the three of us to get together sometime. I knew something was off, he talked to them way too much for it to just be friendly. So I asked him to stop. And he was so understanding, of course he would stop. Anything to help me from feeling so paranoid. And I was happy for a day or two. 

Then he started talking in his sleep. He has always talked in his sleep but it's usually gibberish. I was laying next to him unable to sleep when he said, "When can I see you again Andrea?" and then proceeded to talk about the things he wanted to do to her. I woke him up and asked him who she was. He told me that the only Andrea he knew was at work but they had only spoken over the radio. Even though it was dark I could hear the panic in his voice. I asked him about 740 and he said her name was Crystal.

As soon as he left for work I jumped onto my computer. I found Andrea through his yahoo messenger account. Her name was part of her screen name. I went through the archive. They had been "talking" for 3 years and had managed to meet up multiple times even though they lived 500 miles apart. I had her phone number so I sent her a message. I wanted to see what she would say. So I called her Crystal and apologized for taking her friend away. I thanked her for staying away and giving him the time he needed to work on his marriage. She kept apologizing but would never say exactly what for. I did get to watch as the two of them talked in yahoo wondering if I suspected anything.

Then I remembered his old Line account he used to use for games. I logged into that from my computer and that's where I found he was talking to the stripper. She kept begging him to come see him and eventually they made plans to meet on Friday night. So Friday night I had two of my sister's friends sitting at the strip club ready to text me the moment he arrives. I was just gathering evidence, I didn't really have plans to confront yet. He gets out of work early and comes home. I was pretty confused and thought that maybe I had misread the situation. Saturday comes along and she mesages him that she would be at work all day if he wanted to come up. He never actually said he would be up there. So when his friend came up to go to the festival, they had been planning this for a year, it never occured to me that they would make a detour. Lucky for me though I had left Line open on my computer and she sent one message. "Who's that guy you are with."

I knew they were planning on meeting but actually being confronted with it made me angry. I got into my car and drove up there. I parked next to his truck and sent him a message asking him how the festival was. He told me later that as soon as he saw that he knew something was up, they left brand new drinks and were hurrying out as I was walking in. He tried to tell me that it wasn't planned, that they stopped in on the way to the festival so that he could tell her good bye in person but he never got the chance because she was working. He wouldn't let me inside to confront her, so he sent his friend home in his truck and we waited outside for 90 minutes for her to get off work. He begged me to leave, said there was no need for me to talk to her, that their friendship was over. She came right up to me in the parking lot. She told me there was nothing going on between her and my husband, that she is totally committed to her husband. She swore on her children's lives that they had no plans to meet up. I laughed at her, asked her if she really wanted to swear on something so precious when we both knew it was a lie. But they were both sticking to their stories. I looked at my husband and told him I knew he was lieing. How else would I have known to come up here at this time. I asked her what kind of a mother uses her children like that? He thought I was going to hit her at that point so he started to pull me away.

We went home with me screaming and yelling the entire way. I packed a few bags and now we are doing the counseling. I wish I could say that was the worst of it, but it's not.


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## LostAndBreathless (Jul 14, 2014)

BlueCalcite said:


> So does Facebook. I was able to recover Skype chats and Facebook messages from my xw's laptop hard drive.


Does that work for a phone too? My problem was my husband did everything on his phone and wouldn't let me get my hands on it.


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