# chores and sex again



## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

I do not understand why I didn't get the same appreciation when I was at home? I honestly don't. I was expected by him to take care of the kids and keep a clean house and that's what I did. Now he stays home and he can't be bothered to wash dishes AND I'm supposed to give him a bj? 

Quoted from elsewhere. 

A small amount of back story. This woman's husband spends his day taking care of kids. This is cool. The beef is that the dishes remain undone all day. He also has time management issues and will do fun stuff first and lose track of time.

I have no idea if these 2 have sex issues. But i wanted to highlight this paragraph because it speaks to what I have been saying.

If this woman was, in fact, not interested in sex with her husband, it would not be because she was trying to wield power or withholding by intent to withhold. She is tired. She feels unappreciated and unloved. Some big love bank withdrawals here.

Now if he were to step up and do dishes and yet was a weeny needy guy or whatever way unattractive to her, the sex likely would not improve. 

But if she is feeling unappreciated, unloved and overwhelmed... that is not helping your cause either.

Furthermore, I would add feeling that you were not capable would be added to the lack of attraction.

OP I used this paragraph knowing that you were not really discussing sex. But it popped out at me from other posts.


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## themrs (Oct 16, 2009)

Mom6547 said:


> I do not understand why I didn't get the same appreciation when I was at home? I honestly don't. I was expected by him to take care of the kids and keep a clean house and that's what I did. Now he stays home and he can't be bothered to wash dishes AND I'm supposed to give him a bj?
> 
> Quoted from elsewhere.
> 
> ...


That's my quote and we actually DON'T have sex issues! LOL! We generally have sex 2-4 times a week, but we didn't the night I had to clean up the kitchen! I was too tired.

The one thing I have done right in our marriage is to not let the sex go when the house is not clean. If it's not clean, I usually just ignore it. I work really hard on not resenting the mess and his unwillingness to clean it up, but sometimes it does get the better of me.


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## magnoliagal (Mar 30, 2011)

<ducking here> but my humble opinion and please don't flame. This is why most men shouldn't stay at home.


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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

magnoliagal said:


> <ducking here> but my humble opinion and please don't flame. This is why most men shouldn't stay at home.


I know a lot of guys who are perfectly capable.


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## themrs (Oct 16, 2009)

magnoliagal said:


> <ducking here> but my humble opinion and please don't flame. This is why men shouldn't stay at home.


No flames here. I agree. I think men are best suited for outside work and women for working inside the home. It's better suited to our needs.

Sometimes however, that just isn't possible. Someone has to pay the bills.


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## Powerbane (Nov 8, 2010)

themrs said:


> No flames here. I agree. I think men are best suited for outside work and women for working inside the home. It's better suited to our needs.
> 
> Sometimes however, that just isn't possible. Someone has to pay the bills.


As a man - I most humbly and wholeheartedly agree!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Managing your customer's expectations. But I am not entirely cynical about this. One must always keep in mind what their partner's hot button issues are. If for instance I am home, and I usually am, and the wifey is not, I know, I just know that she will behave just like a stereotypic male ironworker if she walks in the door around dinner time and the table's not set. She's not even hungry and probably won't eat for another hour or more. But the 10 minutes spent setting the table avoids a great deal of noise. Likewise her job is to make lunch. If she's screwing around doing something else and never gets to it, I can be pretty difficult. I can feed myself but that's not the issue. 

So from a 'chores' perspective one must be aware of the little things and how and why they get done. Dishes in the sink take what? 20 minutes? There's always time for 20 minutes even with 2 screaming kids at home. So for the 20 minutes, just do the damn dishes.


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## MGirl (Mar 13, 2011)

Mom6547 said:


> I know a lot of guys who are perfectly capable.


My husband is definitely one of them


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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

themrs said:


> No flames here. I agree. I think men are best suited for outside work and women for working inside the home. It's better suited to our needs.


Double barf! 

I cannot even tell you how much I disagree. I need to become a research scientist in the area of genetic gender make up. Alas I am just too old.

I cannot even tell you how grateful I am to be meeting my needs to be back at work!


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