# should i separated?



## Foreign woman (10 mo ago)

Found out 2 months ago, my college professor husband was hiding and deleting his texts with his young former student now coworker. 4 days ago, I confronted with him. He lied in my face
we have been married 25 years with two kids. I was a shock that he actually would lie to me and have emotional relationship with other woman. Our marriage was not great. We are from different culture and have different value. 
We don't like each other much. But I dont have the courage to get separated or divorce. I am afraid I would end of alone. 
I have been crying and depressed. please help!!


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## Diceplayer (Oct 12, 2019)

After 25 years of marriage, why did he turn to another woman?


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

Foreign woman said:


> Found out 2 months ago, my college professor husband was hiding and deleting his texts with his young former student now coworker. 4 days ago, I confronted with him. He lied in my face
> we have been married 25 years with two kids. I was a shock that he actually would lie to me and have emotional relationship with other woman. Our marriage was not great. We are from different culture and have different value.
> We don't like each other much. But I dont have the courage to get separated or divorce. I am afraid I would end of alone.
> I have been crying and depressed. please help!!


I’m sure this is a scary place for you and none of the options are very good.

If you stay with your husband he will continue as he has been doing. Cheaters don’t change unless it is forced, and often that does not work.

If you leave him you will have much turmoil as you get adjusted and living on your own.

I would suggest to put your fear aside for now. A fear of ending up alone is common but there are a LOT of great men out there who will not treat you like your husband. Do not let fear make decisions for you.

Next I am sorry to tell you that your husbands emotional affair is more than likely already physical. If he is around her while at work, they could be together at many times throughout the days. Don’t believe his words on this.

Last I would suggest that you find your inner strength and go talk to a lawyer. They have free consultations, and you’re not obligated to do anything. But get information if you do file for divorce how would that look for you and your situation.

Make no mistake, he has committed adultery. You must protect your emotions and plan for a life without him. Which may be for the best anyway because, as you said, your cultures are too different and your marriage is bad.

I wish you the best of luck with these first days of making decisions and coming to terms emotionally with what has happened.


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## D0nnivain (Mar 13, 2021)

If you don't even like your husband & now you find out he's been carrying on with another woman, do not let the fear of being along stop you from living. There is life after divorce. You may have to put in some effort but once you get rid of the albatross around your neck you will be shocked at how much better you feel.


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## Mr Jim (10 mo ago)

Foreign woman said:


> Found out 2 months ago, my college professor husband was hiding and deleting his texts with his young former student now coworker. 4 days ago, I confronted with him. He lied in my face
> we have been married 25 years with two kids. I was a shock that he actually would lie to me and have emotional relationship with other woman. Our marriage was not great. We are from different culture and have different value.
> We don't like each other much. But I dont have the courage to get separated or divorce. I am afraid I would end of alone.
> I have been crying and depressed. please help!!


Sounds like you have Stockholm syndrome. If he is a College Professor and you have been married 25 years with two kids, he will have to pay you a good chunk of his salary. He is the one that should be afraid! Once you get your self -esteem back, things will look a lot different.


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## Foreign woman (10 mo ago)

BeyondRepair007 said:


> I’m sure this is a scary place for you and none of the options are very good.
> 
> If you stay with your husband he will continue as he has been doing. Cheaters don’t change unless it is forced, and often that does not work.
> 
> ...


Thank you for your long thoughtful email. You are right I must protect my emotions and plan for a life without him. Its better to end it.


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

Foreign woman said:


> Thank you for your long thoughtful email. You are right I must protect my emotions and plan for a life without him. Its better to end it.


I’m sad you have such a tough road ahead of you, divorce is a terrible thing.
But, it sounds like it is good for you and very empowering when you finally make that decision to get yourself out of this bad situation.

Detach from him emotionally, keep working on that every moment of every day. Remind yourself about the girl he’s with and let it fuel your anger to do what must be done.

Consult with a lawyer and follow their advise even before telling your husband. He may not react very well and you may need to protect yourself, your assets, etc. The lawyer can advise how to do that legally.

Do you have a friend or relative you can go to? Either to live briefly if he goes nuts, or else you can visit them for emotional support when needed.

I wish you the best of luck OP.


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## Onmyown12 (10 mo ago)

I know how you feel, I am in the same way.. my husband has an emotional affair with another married women just 1 month after I had our baby..


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## Foreign woman (10 mo ago)

Onmyown12 said:


> I know how you feel, I am in the same way.. my husband has an emotional affair with another married women just 1 month after I had our baby..


What are you going to do? I don't have the courage to get divorce, keep thinking it's my fault


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Foreign woman said:


> What are you going to do? I don't have the courage to get divorce, keep thinking it's my fault


No it's not your fault. See a lawyer and get that divorce started.


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

Foreign woman said:


> What are you going to do? I don't have the courage to get divorce, keep thinking it's my fault


Don’t think this is your fault. None of it. A cheater is a broken person who needs to have validation outside the marriage. It wouldn’t matter if you were the perfect wife, your husband needs to have the ‘thrill of the hunt’ so-to-speak and would be unfaithful regardless.

That is also why you should never trust him, even if he says he stopped. He will be lying. He needs this.

I know this because he lied to your face about the texting part of the relationship. If he really valued you and saw what he was doing was wrong, he should be a completely changed man today because of how he hurt you. But he’s not is he.

You can stay with him if you want. But don’t expect it to get better. Especially now that you know and didn’t do anything about it. He will feel confident that he can do what he wants and you will do nothing.

This is not your fault.


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

How certain are you that it is only emotional? If he works with her it's likely physical as well.

Or did Mr. Wonderful tell you it's only emotional?


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## DreamGuyxo (10 mo ago)

You have to ask him if he would like you texting other guys, threaten him and tell him that you will talk to other guys if he keeps on talking to other girls, Let him know you are very willing to leave him if he continues to talking to other people


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