# Be Careful What You Wish For



## Just Wondering (Dec 20, 2011)

Hopefully its nothing serious But I, am the hornest male on earth.I have been married to a LD wife for 30 yrs.I have prayed to God at times to please remove my sexual desires from my mind.I am the worst case HD male ever.I have always had sex run my life.I drove my wife crasy with always wanting to have sex .And the answer was always maybe later.Or it was just Duty Sex.I never have gotten a BJ from her.She thinks its Gross,It was always just a plain as can be sexual event. The women could careless about it.
Well some things have change in the last Month.I do not have any sexual desire at all for nothing.I have tried to masterbate and can't get it up and if I can I can't finish.I have had sex twice with the wife and Its broken.I think I got what I asked for.I have tried to look at porn to see if that helped it did'nt. I am a little concerned about it all.But at the same time I am a little releived that maybe my life long battle with it is over.I would love to reverse my married life with my wife and be able to tell her sorry not interested in sex.I love her so much and all I always wanted was a balanced sex life.Even though I always wanted more I would of settled for some form of balance.For 30 yrs. the sex was at best twice a month and not much fun at that.So maybe she is getting as well what she wished for to.Some how I feel at peace with it.Maybe my mind and body as just raised the white flag and the sex war is over.Their is already some comfort in it all not to have to beg for it or count on it.Or plan a evening around something that never happened.I will keep you posted


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

Classic case of a HD hubby marrying a LD wifee that won't change, adapt or meet her husbands needs.

The sex was horrible and maybe 2x month.

This has gone on for 30 years of marriage bliss.............

Now since its gone on so long, you have ED and no longer want sex and have finally given up.

God didn't do this to you, your selfish unloving wife did.

I feel really bad for you.......not a good woman period!!!


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## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

I would go to a doctor. The fact that you have no response can be an indicator of more serious health concerns.


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## Just Wondering (Dec 20, 2011)

Tall Average Guy said:


> I would go to a doctor. The fact that you have no response can be an indicator of more serious health concerns.


 Hey Old Buddy Thanks for saying so. Maybe I will do just that.Thanks for caring.Not that I am look for attendition But if I would of posted that I think I mite cheat to find out if my problem is real ,I would of got a lot more responce.I personally thought it was a pretty interesting subject.


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## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

Just Wondering said:


> Hey Old Buddy Thanks for saying so. Maybe I will do just that.Thanks for caring.Not that I am look for attendition But if I would of posted that I think I mite cheat to find out if my problem is real ,I would of got a lot more responce.I personally thought it was a pretty interesting subject.


It may well be that you have trained your sex drive out of you system. But that seems unlikely. So just make sure that in your joy over not having to worry about it, you don't over look something bad.


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## Trying2figureitout (Feb 3, 2011)

Its a coping mechanism... I won't let that happen to me. Basically throwing in the towel. You are here to get "sympathy" none coming from me.

The real choice is divorce her or make things better.

That's it... throwing in the towel mentally is weak. You got what you deserve by that thinking.


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## mineforever (Jan 31, 2013)

:-( He is not going to hurt you by taking away your sex drive just to make your wife happy! Go to the doctor, my guess is the constant rejection has finally gotten to you....but better safe than sorry make sure there is nothing physically wrong. I would let her know what her actions are doing.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## NewYorker (Dec 6, 2012)

Just Wondering said:


> Hopefully its nothing serious But I, am the hornest male on earth.I have been married to a LD wife for 30 yrs.I have prayed to God at times to please remove my sexual desires from my mind.I am the worst case HD male ever.I have always had sex run my life.I drove my wife crasy with always wanting to have sex .And the answer was always maybe later.Or it was just Duty Sex.I never have gotten a BJ from her.She thinks its Gross,It was always just a plain as can be sexual event. The women could careless about it.
> Well some things have change in the last Month.I do not have any sexual desire at all for nothing.I have tried to masterbate and can't get it up and if I can I can't finish.I have had sex twice with the wife and Its broken.I think I got what I asked for.I have tried to look at porn to see if that helped it did'nt. I am a little concerned about it all.But at the same time I am a little releived that maybe my life long battle with it is over.I would love to reverse my married life with my wife and be able to tell her sorry not interested in sex.I love her so much and all I always wanted was a balanced sex life.Even though I always wanted more I would of settled for some form of balance.For 30 yrs. the sex was at best twice a month and not much fun at that.So maybe she is getting as well what she wished for to.Some how I feel at peace with it.Maybe my mind and body as just raised the white flag and the sex war is over.Their is already some comfort in it all not to have to beg for it or count on it.Or plan a evening around something that never happened.I will keep you posted


Are you sure you are not on some medication? Like propecia or SSRI?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Just Wondering (Dec 20, 2011)

Trying2figureitout said:


> Its a coping mechanism... I won't let that happen to me. Basically throwing in the towel. You are here to get "sympathy" none coming from me.
> 
> The real choice is divorce her or make things better.
> 
> That's it... throwing in the towel mentally is weak. You got what you deserve by that thinking.


Ya know you missed the point?? This is not about divorce/Or this happening to you and what you would dr throwing in the towel.I did not change anything.It just happened to me over night.At this point I do not know if its mind or body.And one thing I realize is that are only problem in marriage was the sex.And if its gone.Iam sure glad I never divorce her for it.Because than now I would have nothing.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

Just Wondering said:


> Ya know you missed the point?? This is not about divorce/Or this happening to you and what you would dr throwing in the towel.I did not change anything.It just happened to me over night.At this point I do not know if its mind or body.And one thing I realize is that are only problem in marriage was the sex.And if its gone.Iam sure glad I never divorce her for it.Because than now I would have nothing.


Your wife is the cause of this situation.

Use it or lose it, like any muscle group.

Men are made to be in the mood a lot and desire women but when rejected by a LD spouse for 30 years???, you will eventually "lose it", like has happened to you.

Having sex often with the wife is very healthy for us men because it gets the testosterone going among other things. No sex equals minimal testosterone which leads to health problems.

She should of gone to the Dr to get her hormones checked 30 years ago and go on meds so this situation wouldn't of occurred.

Again, this entire situation is your wife's doing.

No sympathy from me either, sorry.


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## Trying2figureitout (Feb 3, 2011)

Just Wondering said:


> Ya know you missed the point?? This is not about divorce/Or this happening to you and what you would dr throwing in the towel.I did not change anything.It just happened to me over night.At this point I do not know if its mind or body.And one thing I realize is that are only problem in marriage was the sex.And if its gone.Iam sure glad I never divorce her for it.Because than now I would have nothing.


You posted it... you are wrong the ONLY problem in your marriage is sex, its also communication and ability to work through an issue.

That's like saying its OK for your spouse to be a drug addict as long as they are nice to me.

Face it the PROBLEM is you accept the unacceptable and you are rationalizing it by posting your proclamation when in reality the problem still remains and will eat at your core for life. Whatever if you are OK with no sex for eternity that is your right. The rest of us see it for what it is.


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## IndyTMI (Oct 26, 2012)

If I were in your shoes, I'd get a divorce and find a woman that enjoys sex as much as you.

Oh, wait...I was in your shoes, except there were a few other bonus traits my STBXW had as well, but ultimately the lack of sex is what got me down the path I headed.

I now have a new girlfriend that enjoys sex as much, if not more than I do. I hit the jackpot and am not looking back.

How can you love your wife when she refuses to love you in one of the most important aspects of marriage there possibly could be?

That's not love from her...that is pure selfishness and punishment towards you!


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## Just Wondering (Dec 20, 2011)

IndyTMI said:


> If I were in your shoes, I'd get a divorce and find a woman that enjoys sex as much as you.
> 
> Oh, wait...I was in your shoes, except there were a few other bonus traits my STBXW had as well, but ultimately the lack of sex is what got me down the path I headed.
> 
> ...


I have to wonder if you know so much and am so happy why do you still hang around a forum for sexual problems,If I was in your shoes I would be enjoying more sex. Pal


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## Just Wondering (Dec 20, 2011)

Trying2figureitout said:


> You posted it... you are wrong the ONLY problem in your marriage is sex, its also communication and ability to work through an issue.
> 
> That's like saying its OK for your spouse to be a drug addict as long as they are nice to me.
> 
> Face it the PROBLEM is you accept the unacceptable and you are rationalizing it by posting your proclamation when in reality the problem still remains and will eat at your core for life. Whatever if you are OK with no sex for eternity that is your right. The rest of us see it for what it is.


If I was a betting man I would bet that you have been trying 2 figure it out for a long time. I started this thread about a medical 
condition.At this point I don't feel its because of lack of sex from my wife.


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## Mark72 (May 26, 2012)

Just Wondering said:


> I have to wonder if you know so much and am so happy why do you still hang around a forum for sexual problems,If I was in your shoes I would be enjoying more sex. Pal


A lot of us have been through things and were in your shoes. Or we have had other marital issues and we got through them. We are sharing our knowledge and insight with those that ask for help. We are paying it forward. You came here asking for help and it's obvious that it's a big deal to you. If we give some advice, there is no guarantee it will be what you want to hear. But many people on this site have been dragged through the mud by the man/woman they love more than life itself, and are here to try to help others through it or even help them avoid it.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Just Wondering said:


> I have to wonder if you know so much and am so happy why do you still hang around a forum for sexual problems,If I was in your shoes I would be enjoying more sex. Pal


Ouch.

There are many of us that have been in sexless marriages and now moved onto a new life. Most of us have moved on, divorced and found a life out there that is what we wanted.
There are very few here that have found a great renewed sexlife with their current denying spouse.
So I guess that means that the most successful way to have the sexlife you want is to wake up to the fact that it may not be with your current partner.

My marriage became very sexless and I divorced him eventually, not because of then lack of sex but because of what his denying really meant as in he did not care about my needs enough to make the changes needed.

Living the life you are is very painful, too many people know the pain first hand. Many of us stick around here for the company, to discuss the issues from the past, to bask in the glory of what our lives are now, to talk about the problems we face due to the fallout of living in a sexless marriage.

I went from a marriage that included sex once or twice a year if I was lucky. I am now repartnered with a man that is compatible with me, we have a huge amount of amazing sex. I stay here because I like the wonderful people of TAM. No one has to justify why they are on a public forum.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

My guess is that it isn't God or your wife ... it's Old Man Time.

Go get your testosterone levels checked, get checked for BPH, and get a blood work up.

Or bask in your new non-sexual responsive self ... up to you.


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## Lord Summerisle (May 23, 2013)

I bet it is your testosterone. I had something similar happen to me in my late 20's. I thought the world was coming to an end and went to see urologist (actually for fertility as well) and he had my testoserone levels checked. They were super low (probably due to working with some harmful chemicals at my job) and he put on a script for Clomid and in about a weeks time I was amazed to have woken up with "morning wood" and it besides sexual performance my overall life improved as far as energy and vigor.


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## Goldmember357 (Jan 31, 2012)

IndyTMI said:


> If I were in your shoes, I'd get a divorce and find a woman that enjoys sex as much as you.
> 
> Oh, wait...I was in your shoes, except there were a few other bonus traits my STBXW had as well, but ultimately the lack of sex is what got me down the path I headed.
> 
> ...


I suggest OP does the same.


If my wife turned LD and was unwilling to make a change, Id leave her. Id give 2 years tops at MAX.


Life is short OP should leave his wife, find a good woman and have a great sex life.


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## anonim (Apr 24, 2012)

Understand that your wife knows that you are suffering and she is content in knowing that you suffer.

This is all you really need to know.


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## nuclearnightmare (May 15, 2013)

Lord Summerisle said:


> I bet it is your testosterone. I had something similar happen to me in my late 20's. I thought the world was coming to an end and went to see urologist (actually for fertility as well) and he had my testoserone levels checked. They were super low (probably due to working with some harmful chemicals at my job) and he put on a script for Clomid and in about a weeks time I was amazed to have woken up with "morning wood" and it besides sexual performance my overall life improved as far as energy and vigor.


have a question and a comment:

question: my T is at the (very) low end of the "normal" range. MD suggested not significant enough to treat. do any of the over-the-counter things one sees do anything?? the stuff you see on the racks, like in a Walgreens (USA)?

comment: sexual encounters with my wife dwindling to 1-3 times per month. masturbating 2-3 times per week. I am curious as to what people think the psychological risks are of minimal to no partner sex in a marriage. Does it gradually degrade the love bonds between the 2 people, EVEN IF both people are OK with it?


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