# Last night slipped out how he really feel I AM LIVID



## sunflower (Dec 15, 2008)

I dont even know if I want to stay with him at this point in our marriage I feel like I have been lied to this whole time since he made out with my ex friend. Last night we were hanging out with some friends talking sex lifes cause they are single. Well we brought up things of the past and my husband was saying "ya when I was with those girls I wouldn't even kiss then it's way to personal" My heart dropped when he said that and he didnt even notice what he had said. What I am thinking is if he thinks that kissing is SO personal and did this TWICE with her then what and where was he trying to get with her... I am really upset today I wont speak with him and I dont know what to do..:scratchhead:


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Low blow. He shouldn't have said that in front of your friends. It's very disrespectful, IMO.


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

Sunflower, I can see why this triggered the memory of the incident with your ex-friend, but I don't believe he is revealing anything new or different from what you learned back then. I believe most married people would consider kissing another as crossing the line because it IS personal. It goes back to these friends in particular who didn't think much of playing strip poker with you (which most would also consider crossing the line) or kissing your h. And maybe the strip poker incident wasn't personal to you, but it seems to have upset your husband enough and it was brushed off at the time...along comes same woman showing HIM attention so he figured 'what the heck?'...I think you are taking his comment out of context and hope you don't put your marriage on the line over it.


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## sunflower (Dec 15, 2008)

Oh swedish how I love your advice and you are right.... I have not talked to him and I tried this morning to get into it and he just told me not today not right now. So I will drop it. but its hard and I know that any type of cheating is personal so I dont know why I was up in arms about this. I should be thankful that it wasnt sex or something so stupid. I know that is more personal then a kiss in a marriage. I know that what I did with the poker night was really stupid and that it was very personal to him also. ugh.. 


BTW I am swedish also!!!!!!!!!!


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

And I don't mean to downplay your feelings. I know that triggers can bring you right back to that time and your mind starts racing again. 

If I remember right, back at that time you and your husband talked a lot and you were feeling in a much better place that you both agreed you needed and wanted more boundaries in place in your marriage when it came to 'friends'. What might be better for you at this point is to acknowledge the trigger but don't 'throw it in his face' rather say something like 'wow, when you made that comment it brought back that bad memory and it felt like it happened yesterday...I am so glad we aren't in that place anymore'

That way, you don't bury your real feelings and he doesn't feel attacked if you bring it up.


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## sunflower (Dec 15, 2008)

Your right today I texed him and just told him that I felt that he didnt care about our marriage anymore cause he said nothing to me. and of course didnt reply to my text so I called him and he was so mad at me for ignoring him over it and I was mad at him for not reading my mind and talking to me about it... so again its all in communication. He did tell me later after we were done fighting that he knew as soon as he said it that it wasnt the right thing and felt bad. But he was waiting for me to bring it up with him to explain himself. and I didnt instead I held it in and was even more pissed... You dont worry about hurting my feeling I like it on this site cause people tell you striaght its not like a friend telling you to your face just what you want to hear.


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## twotimeloser (Feb 13, 2011)

On a side note: this is why it is a bad idea to hang out with single friends. Always choose an environment that is healthy for your marriage, not toxic.


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## sunflower (Dec 15, 2008)

I know what you are saying! I dont think that these friends are the toxic ones. The ones that are toxic are actually the MARRIED ones. lol weird I know but they are! I just need to staY focused so does my Hubby. We need to know what we have is good.


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

Yes, sunflower....and if you come on here and we see you floating out in the middle of the lake, we will pull you back in


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## sunflower (Dec 15, 2008)

Good to know cause sometimes I really can lose my head and get in crazy mode.... I just can get get caught up in drama to easy I hate it I wish I could be like a man...


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