# Advice needed asap



## BeenHurt (Sep 19, 2012)

*Background...*

So things have been extremely tense, and we are a few months into what is unfortunately appearing to be false R

I've turned a corner in my life since she cheated, well the lies mostly to be honest, it's been hell, but in a way the best thing that ever happened to me, outside of the 'marriage' anyway (health, work, friends, MY KIDS, everything, is through the roof good, and getting better, and better)

Anyway I'm standing up to her now, taking back control and back to my alpha, I've always been that way, First 4 years of our 8 together but got lost somewhere along the way, and went ****ing unbelievably soft..Ended up a crying mess, at the end of it..
She isn't responding well with having to properly commit, as I'm back to how I was years back, and it's a culture shock she isn't taking lightly, I've tried eveything to 'help her see' (I know that's wrong) I can honestly say I've tried everything I can think of. I've made myself clear that if she wants me, she needs to want me or **** off, she did cheat after all, and lie through her teeth, took advantage of me sums it up. And she isn't being very nice 
I believe in what was once there, but I'm done trying to help her come back, I'm looking after me and my kids.

I'm finnacially not sitting very well, we've always been living week to week on wages, and I have debt they may even restrict me get a rental.
I'll be able to live a lot better off without her screwing me over all the time, but right now I'm stuck. And I'm still hoping the R will get better, but it's just so last straw.

We had a conflict earlier, she tried everything, all the things that would usually get me back in line, I don't know weather intentionally or not, but it's sort of her normal cycle, I can see it all unfolding. I'm leaning toward not, as it was much more sincere, I believe she does want it, somewhere in that. I always will, but she's had enough chance to show me. I didn't take it tonight, and the kids had to listen to her crying while they tried to sleep again, I won't miss that.


*Advice needed..*
What to do in the tomorrow...

I don't know what to do in the morning, I'm on the couch and she's asleep. I don't have enough to really do much, and don't know if I should take the kids out first thing, limp through the day...
Or wait till the kids get up, make em some brekkie, and go and demand the bed I paid for back as I need to catch up on sleep, after a long week at work, and dealing with all this....


I have a mate that I need to see around lunchtime, and I could just spend the rest of the day out with myself for a change.
I don't have much money left, and I really need to be making sure I have an emergency incase she goes completely feral again fund.
I have no family here, and friends aren't a great help.

There's a lot of I's there, but the children are fine, They know me properly and will always be looked after to the maximum my human ability. It's rough on them but I am satisfied that it's only better from here for them.

I have legal wheels, and my balls back but I'm stuck with this one.


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## Danielfom (Sep 27, 2012)

Sleep on the bed. I don't how the hell you managed to get yourself on the couch after her affair.

Also if she isn't really remorseful than she needs to go. You can't force her to show remorse and to want to be a good wife. She either wants to or she doesn't and from the picture you painted she clearly doesn't. I know money is tight, but you're setting yourself up for a miserable marriage coupled with a messy and costly divorce if you allow this to go on unabated. I recommend separation.


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## BeenHurt (Sep 19, 2012)

I agree totally, I want to be on the couch, and the living arrangement is extremely complicated, things have been rough for a long time, I've moved out before, spent a month overseas, and I've had 'incidents' with other women.
I am a good person, and a life ahead of me without the **** she puts me through.

I really want people to know that I've read the books, I've done a lot of internalising, I have my strength back and won't slip up now.

I'm just looking at it from a different angle,

Things weren't always this bad, she was devoted, we both where. Always been up and down, intense and bad. Just not to the extent things got themselves to.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## BeenHurt (Sep 19, 2012)

3 years ago mind you
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Never leave your own bed - it's very surrendering thing to do. You're the KING , the KING doesn't leave - they queen does.

Are you sure the cheating is done with? Her attitude doesn't sound like someone trying make the marriage work, it sounds like someone who still views it as one of her options. Which often means their is still contact of some form going on.


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## BeenHurt (Sep 19, 2012)

I've had my suspicions, but she is being transparent, I'm mostly certain she's not seeing him, or anyone else. She is being genuine and she does feel remorse. As I said it was my choice, I would be the one moving out, I understand the bed situation, but it is received as a sign of how close I am to leaving her. I'd be in a much nicer place hence why I'd move, we both hate this house. 

Her big thing, and I can fully understand it, is that she doesn't understand why I'm still here. I've told her enough times why, but have stopped and taken back control of my life. The band has snapped and its happened. She hasn't got much reason to want the marriage work, she ****s everything up, then makes me out to be the bad guy. I am an option in her eyes, I've not given her much reason to want to choose me. We are both in a similar place, although she causes most of it and brings out the utter worst in me
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## BeenHurt (Sep 19, 2012)

She has been given the ultimatum loud and clear, she ****s up its over.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

so why the game of pretending?

why not declare bankruptcy, short sell the house, divorce and start over?


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

Did you already stopped your own EA with that MOW?


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## badbane (Jun 9, 2012)

What to do tomorrow. I would separate finances. Just give her exactly how much money she needs to pay bills and put gas in her car. If she wants to go have fun she needs to go get a job. You, your credit card, and your heart should be off the table until she starts acting right.


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## BeenHurt (Sep 19, 2012)

Yes that's all over now, I got my morals back, it's not as easy without being wanted so badly by someone, but it was very wrong. As people have said I've 'banked it' and it has re awoken my confidence. The self loathing is all but over.

She rugged swept this morning, I went up to the bed early and told her, I'm sleeping here now, I've had a long week and need to catch up on sleep. Got into bed and fell asleep. Greeted with a hesitant 'morning' and I had a shower, got dressed and gone to the shops for some bits I need.
She tried 'being nice' by talking about something unrelated. I responded cold faced, but not jerky.

The argument last night was over her 'accidentally' deleting text messages, from s mutual (female) friend.

She claims it was an accident, hard to believe but the friend is someone I trust to a point, there was no need for her to delete them.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## OldWolf57 (Mar 20, 2012)

Never give complete trust to enabling false friends. Old song " Back Stabbers "

For now just let it go. Youv'e made her aware how serious you takes that deleting crap. So she has used her get out of jail card for that.
Any other deleting is sneaky.
She may have been testing the boundaries, and you SHUT that down for real DUDE. Way to go man !!!
No free passes there.

Now you just have to wait and see where her next lil test will come from.
Or, you can tell her you don't know if it was done deliberate testing to see what she could get away with, but you are letting it go this time. 
BUT, she has used her only get out of jail card. And if there is any more breaking of the boundries, it a done deal.


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