# I LOVE how this got turned around to ME having the problem!



## Mapper (Jun 5, 2012)

So back on May 20th began the longest streak ever of my husband not going to work. He "went in" on June 3 after 2 weeks off only to come home 2 hours later saying that there was just NOBODY at work! A company of thousands of people and NOBODY was there? So you thought you should just come home too huh? I was very suspicious and looked at the trash bag in our truck to see if I could find McDonalds trash or something where he got breakfast and just sat in his truck or something. I find a receipt from Denny's from an hour earlier. So I was close. He sat at Denny's all that time instead. So then he takes off again through Thursday and then finally goes in on Friday and finally says to his manager he wants to go back to working on the floor (the whole reason he took all this time off is so they'd replace him). Stays at work all day on Friday and goes in the following Monday to start his new position only to come home 1 1/2 hours early from that. His new boss said she didn't want him taking all this time off as he had been doing and he said he wouldn't do that. Well sure enough he takes off the next day and all of last week and was off all this week until today where I am assuming he is at work, but who knows, he may come home at anytime for some stupid reason.

So out of 23 work days in the past month he has been there 2 days! A few of his days off he used vacation but the rest were unpaid. Nothing like using all your years vacation in less than a month!

I work from home but interviewed for a job about a month ago. The interview went well but I didn't get the job. A few weeks later the guy calls me and asks if I'd like to come in for about 3-4 weeks and work because they need the help. I say sure. Well I started this past Monday where I spent the day watching company videos and just doing general orientation. I had a half hour meeting with the manager and the girl who'd be training me. They briefly went over what I would be doing. I figured I'd get some heavy one on one training the next day. 

Well to make a very long story short, my "training" pretty much compromised the girl coming over and loading the necessary links and programs onto my machine, a very quick run through on what I'm supposed to do (so quick I couldn't even write anything down as she was zipping through screens and panels). She went back to her desk, IM'd me saying she put a few for me to do on the server and she'd be over to check on me in a bit. I had no clue where to even begin. Then comes over and gives me a new aspect to help her out with when I don't even grasp what I'm supposed to be doing with the other thing. To top it off she was going to be in late the next day and I didn't even know that until I got an email from the manager telling me as much! So I was going to be in 3 hours before her in the morning and I was at a total loss as to what I needed to do. I left there knowing that I wasn't going to be coming back and sent an email to the manager when I got home explaining just how frustrated and confused I was and that I was hardly trained on anything. He replied that this isn't the norm it's just that they are under a huge deadline. So that means I don't get any training?? In any case, I wasn't going back.

Of course my husband is all up in arms and says I need to go back and tell them I don't understand and I need someone to sit down with me for a day and go over things bit by bit. I told him that nobody has time for that and that I am so frustrated already. He acts all disappointed in me and then goes "Well I don't want to hear from you about how I don't go into work then if your not going to go into work". WHAT?! I quit a job I wasn't getting trained on that was only going to last 3-4 weeks AND I have freelance work to do from home AND I am the one who has money and has been paying the entire rent and bills since practically the beginning of the year. You have a job that you never go to and don't get paid when you don't go AND you haven't paid your share of the rent or bills since the beginning of the year because you have no money. When you are home all you do is sit on your ass and play video games and nap and eat and drink. I freelance, do housework, do yardwork, run errands.

I'm not proud of quitting a job, since I never have, but at least I am still making money from home.


----------



## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

If you can take care of yourself, I wouldn't worry about what your husband is doing. And now he has a point to use against you anytime you bring up his not working. 

'You quit a job, so shut your face about me.'

I recommend not bringing up his working ethics ever again.


----------



## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

Your husband has some serious issues. Sounds like depression or something.


----------



## Mapper (Jun 5, 2012)

A Bit Much said:


> If you can take care of yourself, I wouldn't worry about what your husband is doing. And now he has a point to use against you anytime you bring up his not working.
> 
> 'You quit a job, so shut your face about me.'
> 
> I recommend not bringing up his working ethics ever again.


But I'm still bringing in money. I still have a job from home. I'm still working!! I would have been working two jobs, leaving at 5:30 AM to travel an hour to work, getting home at 4:30 PM only to sit for another couple of hours to do more work knowing that all he's doing is skipping work to stay home and do nothing!


----------



## KathyBatesel (Apr 26, 2012)

Mapper, what changed in your husband's life before he started slouching at work? 

I'd encourage you to stop being defensive. You have no reason to be. Also stop being critical of him. Speak with your behaviors instead of your words. If he's not working and you're tired of footing the bills, stop paying his bills, kick him out, whatever. Show, don't say.


----------



## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

Mapper said:


> But I'm still bringing in money. I still have a job from home. I'm still working!! I would have been working two jobs, leaving at 5:30 AM to travel an hour to work, getting home at 4:30 PM only to sit for another couple of hours to do more work knowing that all he's doing is skipping work to stay home and do nothing!


So what? That's not how he sees it. He said as much.


----------



## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

There's nothing for YOU to defend, and there hasn't been. Why start now? Because his warped sense of entitlement forces it on you? 

Stop it. You're only frustrating yourself further by trying to explain your POV. He's not hearing it. It's okay for HIM to behave the way he does, and you are not allowed to do the same (even thought it's not the same, you are responsible and mature, and he is not).


----------



## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

He is a narcissist. He will never change. This behaviour will never change. You are aware of it. Staying in this marriage is the choice you have made. Until you are ready to make a different choice, you have given up your right to complain about him any more. This is now on you.


----------



## justonelife (Jul 29, 2010)

So what advice are you looking for?


----------



## COGypsy (Aug 12, 2010)

Frankly, this IS your problem. Deciding how long you're willing to support and tolerate an unmotivated leech is all on your shoulders, not his.


----------



## pink_lady (Dec 1, 2012)

Yeah, it sounds like he has a different set of standards for himself than he has for you. My STBXH was like that. It became clear that he saw NOTHING WRONG with doing whatever he wanted while I worked. He thought he was special, and he deserved to be taken care of by others and was offended when he was asked or expected to make any kind of effort at anything so mundane as earning money or taking care of the house.

After I left he got a job, but found a way to make himself a victim and was on 'medical leave' a couple months after starting. Of course, the boss declined to have him come back. 

All I can say is that I'm so glad he is no longer my problem.


----------



## Mapper (Jun 5, 2012)

He comes home from work yesterday and is all self-righteous and says "See I TOLD you I was going in today!". Yeah you told me that practically everyday for the past month but you never did! He then tells me that his boss took him aside that morning and told him that he needs to show up everyday. He says to her "So what have I missed while I've been gone?" She replies with "Nothing" and he tells me "So I didn't really need to be there anyway since we are on such a long cycle now that the guys just stand around as it is." I tell him "Well at least you get paid for just standing around then if you go in". Oh that got him riled up and he goes "I WAS getting paid for staying home with the vacation and sick days". Oh really? So I should see an 80 hour check from you next week for everyday you were getting paid while you were home?" All pissy he goes "No I TOLD you I took some FMLA days in there as well." So you'll have a crappy check as usual? You are currently $160 in debt on your bank account now. You'll end up with about a $400 check after all is taken out. Subtract your current debt from that and it will leave you with $240 and rent is due next week so I will need your $550 share for that. Oh wait....you won't have that will you and I'll have to pay the entire rent again for the 5th month in a row. Gee I sure hope the last 6 months of this year YOU pay MY share of the rent and all the bills! IF I say this to him he will go "Just chill out will you? I'll get you what I can, but even when I do work a 40 hour week my check is still only like $800 when all is taken out". So you figure since your check is only $800 that going to work for that much isn't worth it so you just won't work at all??


----------



## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Mapper said:


> Of course my husband is all up in arms and says I need to go back and tell them I don't understand and I need someone to sit down with me for a day and go over things bit by bit. I told him that nobody has time for that and that I am so frustrated already. He acts all disappointed in me and then goes "Well I don't want to hear from you about how I don't go into work then if your not going to go into work". WHAT?! I quit a job I wasn't getting trained on that was only going to last 3-4 weeks AND I have freelance work to do from home AND I am the one who has money and has been paying the entire rent and bills since practically the beginning of the year. You have a job that you never go to and don't get paid when you don't go AND you haven't paid your share of the rent or bills since the beginning of the year because you have no money. When you are home all you do is sit on your ass and play video games and nap and eat and drink. I freelance, do housework, do yardwork, run errands.
> 
> I'm not proud of quitting a job, since I never have, but at least I am still making money from home.


Oh, this would have earned him a big fat FVCK YOU from me!  How much longer are you going to put up with this crap?


----------



## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

And you let him stay because...


----------



## tennisstar (Dec 19, 2011)

Mapper, why would he change? You refuse to leave him or put up an ultimatum. So welcome to your life....
Frankly, I don't see how you pay your bills...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Mapper (Jun 5, 2012)

tennisstar said:


> Mapper, why would he change? You refuse to leave him or put up an ultimatum. So welcome to your life....
> Frankly, I don't see how you pay your bills...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Lots of savings from BEFORE I met him!


----------

