# Should I really be sad though...



## Nicolelynn (Mar 22, 2021)

I’ve been in a relationship for 10yrs and married for 2 of those years.My husband Mr. Summers has a rare condition of skin cancer but that didn’t stop me from wanting to be with him. I got married to my soon to be ex husband on August 4, 2018 and only two days after the wedding we get into a fight (not with words) about him helping me clean up cat poop because our kitten wasn’t litter trained. We end up fighting over the fact that he rather sleep in our bedroom that smelled like **** instead of helping; I end up with scratches on my face and neck, busted lip. I was going to divorce him then and have him beaten. Now I don’t know why I ever took him back think that he was going to change just because he said and he even went to counseling but still was the same person from before only this time he would wait for me to hit him first so that he could play victim and tell a lie of a sob story. Tell me I’m the reason to his depression and that he wants to kill himself because of me and then turns and tells me that he loves me. I’m going through with the divorce this but why does it feels like I’m the only hurting in end? Why does it feel like I’m the only one who cares? Even though he constantly told me that he felt like I didn’t care about the relationship when I was the only ever trying the only one who supposedly needed to change for the better even though I felt like I was doing a damn good job... Guess it wasn’t good enough....


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## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

Nicolelynn said:


> ... I was going to divorce him then and have him beaten...


This doesn't seem appropriate to post. Suggesting that physical violence against a spouse is an answer to anything is just wrong on so many levels, unless it's to protect yourself. Revenge taking the form of physical violence... really?


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

So most of what he is saying to you is just PURE manipulation from him to get YOU to do what he wants.
"he would wait for me to hit him first so that he could play victim and tell a lie of a sob story "
(so YOU SHOULDN'T be hitting him -- physical violence is just as much abuse if YOU hit him and if HE hits you -- so STOP THAT ASAP).

"I’m the reason to his depression and that he wants to kill himself because of me and then turns and tells me that he loves me. "
PURE manipulation and trying to turn HIS issues around on YOU. If he threatens to kill himself again, call the police. If he's in danger of doing that, you want the police to get him help.

Have you two tried marriage counseling?


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## Nicolelynn (Mar 22, 2021)

jlg07 said:


> So most of what he is saying to you is just PURE manipulation from him to get YOU to do what he wants.
> "he would wait for me to hit him first so that he could play victim and tell a lie of a sob story "
> (so YOU SHOULDN'T be hitting him -- physical violence is just as much abuse if YOU hit him and if HE hits you -- so STOP THAT ASAP).
> 
> ...


I don’t purposely be trying to hit him it’s when he gets in my face and starts intimidating me and I have gotten the police involved and they sent him to counseling but here we are.
I have tried to get us into marriage counseling but every time I would try to work with his schedule but he made up excuses such as he doesn’t have time for it or he’s too tired.


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## Nicolelynn (Mar 22, 2021)

Casual Observer said:


> This doesn't seem appropriate to post. Suggesting that physical violence against a spouse is an answer to anything is just wrong on so many levels, unless it's to protect yourself. Revenge taking the form of physical violence... really?


It was to protect myself because he was threatening my family and then to kill himself in front of my family


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

Nicolelynn said:


> I don’t purposely be trying to hit him it’s when he gets in my face and starts intimidating me and I have gotten the police involved and they sent him to counseling but here we are.
> I have tried to get us into marriage counseling but every time I would try to work with his schedule but he made up excuses such as he doesn’t have time for it or he’s too tired.


Honestly, there isn't much you can do if the other half of your marriage has no interest in trying to make it work.
You cannot do this by yourself.
Start doing the 180 so that YOU can detach, get your plan together, and make sure that you keep yourself healthy!


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Nicolelynn said:


> I’ve been in a relationship for 10yrs and married for 2 of those years.My husband Mr. Summers has a rare condition of skin cancer but that didn’t stop me from wanting to be with him. I got married to my soon to be ex husband on August 4, 2018 and only two days after the wedding we get into a fight (not with words) about him helping me clean up cat poop because our kitten wasn’t litter trained. We end up fighting over the fact that he rather sleep in our bedroom that smelled like **** instead of helping; I end up with scratches on my face and neck, busted lip. I was going to divorce him then and have him beaten. Now I don’t know why I ever took him back think that he was going to change just because he said and he even went to counseling but still was the same person from before only this time he would wait for me to hit him first so that he could play victim and tell a lie of a sob story. Tell me I’m the reason to his depression and that he wants to kill himself because of me and then turns and tells me that he loves me. I’m going through with the divorce this but why does it feels like I’m the only hurting in end? Why does it feel like I’m the only one who cares? Even though he constantly told me that he felt like I didn’t care about the relationship when I was the only ever trying the only one who supposedly needed to change for the better even though I felt like I was doing a damn good job... Guess it wasn’t good enough....


First of all besides the morality of posting that you want to have someone beaten. It seems unwise to also show your face in a picture there by implicating yourself as well as advertising this behavior to your next potential partner.

Honestly this all seems very toxic, once you start physically fighting our chances of having a good relationship are pretty much out the window.

If feels like all those things because you are involved with a toxic person and the relationship wasn't good. You should maybe seek some consoling to make sure you are on the right track before you move on to another relationship. There are some red flags here.

It shouldn't be this hard.


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## Trident (May 23, 2018)

sokillme said:


> First of all besides the morality of posting that you want to have someone beaten.


Screw morality. An eye for an eye.


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## Nicolelynn (Mar 22, 2021)

sokillme said:


> First of all besides the morality of posting that you want to have someone beaten. It seems unwise to also show your face in a picture there by implicating yourself as well as advertising this behavior to your next potential partner.
> 
> Honestly this all seems very toxic, once you start physically fighting our chances of having a good relationship are pretty much out the window.
> 
> ...


It’s not like it was toxic for all the 10 years we were together it was only toxic after we got married. The rest of the 8 years were great and I don’t know what changed but I would have liked it to have worked out and that’s the main reason why I don’t understand why I am the only hurt in this situation. If anything I should be relieved that I don’t have to deal with feeling like I’m the main cause to all of his problems


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Nicolelynn said:


> It’s not like it was toxic for all the 10 years we were together it was only toxic after we got married. The rest of the 8 years were great and I don’t know what changed but I would have liked it to have worked out and that’s the main reason why I don’t understand why I am the only hurt in this situation. If anything I should be relieved that I don’t have to deal with feeling like I’m the main cause to all of his problems


Cause you are not the cause, his thinking is distorted. Makes sense to mourn your lost for a while because that is what emotionally healthy people do. It will get better though.


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## Nicolelynn (Mar 22, 2021)

sokillme said:


> Cause you not the cause, his thinking is distorted. Makes sense to mourn your lost for a while because that is what emotionally healthy people do. It will get better though.


Thanks 😊


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