# Want to save but he doesn't



## jill427 (Aug 8, 2009)

My husband moved out a week ago. We had one big argument. We've had some little spats that come from just being together all the time. Nothing big, nothing that lasts more than 3 minutes of voices even raise. We had one big arguement over his best friend, a very big source of conflict in our home. They went to war together and I understand thats a huge bond, but no matter how big that bond, this man and his family are bad for my husband and our family.
He moved out last Friday saying that he wanted sometime to cool down and wanted to go to marriage counsling and work things out. He lied about where he went and he went to this friends house. 2 days later he comes home and says that he doesn't love me and wants a divorce. Now everything was fine before this and this isn't the first time this has happend. He has moved out a few times before (everytime we get in an argument that lasts more than 1 day, he packs up and goes over there) and everytime hes there, he comes home and says he says he doesn't love me and he hasn't been happy and a marriage shouldn't take this much work. These argumets are few and far between and when they happen its normally because we have alot of stress in our lives right then. This year alone we have been facing him having an injury that has left him for all practical purposes disabled, he had and addiction to the pain pills and went to rehab, our oldest child has been diagnosed with Aspergers (a form of autism), and he's being put out of the army. We are only in our early-mid 20's. Thats alot for people our age to face. He says he wants a divorce no matter what. I guess I just want advice on what to do from here and some support. My brother say that I need to go to JAG and have an emergancy seperation order written out to make sure that the bills are taken care of and the boys and I are fine. I think thats what I'm going to do. I think at this point the only thing to do is file for seperation and start moving foward. I want my marriage, but I'm the only one right now that does. I also think that he thinks divorce will fix everything. I think starting paperwork will give him a does of reality. He has said continually over the week he wants a divorce but doen't want me starting paperwork.


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

Wow! You have alot on your shoulders....so glad you came here for support! 

He sounds like a "runner." He runs when the things get tough. He probably doesn't express himself well?

Suggest counseling...individually or couples. You both need support big time! Reach out for help. 

You can file the paperwork and it may give him a reality check. If he chooses to come home...there will be a next time he runs if you don't take care of the core issues of WHY he is running.

However, if he isn't taking care of his responsibilites then you may need to file for emergency separation orders to protect yourself.


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## jill427 (Aug 8, 2009)

He is very big on running. We are supposed to be doing marriage counsling, his idea. At first he said it was to help fix things, now he's saying its to help make the divorce easier. He keeps flip-floping on what hes going to do and take care of as far as bills are concerned. I live in a place with a crappy job market if you don't have a college education. I'm a stay at home mom who takes care of our 2 small kids.I need to make sure the bills are paid and theres food until we divorce or work things out. I also need to save money to make sure I have some when it comes time to move. I want to fix it, but I guess I just have to do what I gotta do.


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

Well...if he doesn't help you out, then it leaves you no choice.

Filing doesn't mean divorce. You both can still work on it in the meantime.

The flip flopping is common. He probably doesn't know what he wants either.


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