# I Cheated, How do I earn forgiveness?



## MAnderson2269 (Jan 2, 2013)

I cheated on my wife and feel absolutely horrible about it. I would like to explain the situation that occurred and I would appreciate any insight anyone might have as to how I can get my wife to forgive me or if I am crazy for even thinking it is possible. 

There is a couple that my wife and I were friend with that seemed very open sexually. Whenever we would hang out with them they wouldn't hold back when talking about sex and there was a lot of flirting going on. My wife and I talked about the fact that they were clearly trying to hook up with us but we did not want to participate. This did not, however, stop the other wife from flirting with me almost every chance she got, even in front of my wife. It eventually got to the point that it was even making me uncomfortable, and I told my wife this but she always just told me to let it go. 


Eventually the situation came up that we were all drinking at their house and planned on spending the night. I had told my wife that I did not want to go there because the whole situation is bad but she told me I was crazy. Toward the end of the night, we all got drunk, the other wife changed into skimpy pajamas and the flirting occurred again. This made my wife angry at me for some reason, even though I was on the receiving end. My wife then began to talk about how much she missed her ex boyfriend from 10 years ago and how great he was and how no one ever treated her the way he did. This made me upset so I went upstairs and went to bed. I was awakened shortly after falling asleep by the other wife trying to get me to come back downstairs. I told her to leave me alone but she insisted it would be ok and we needed to just talk about it. I walked with her to the top of the stairs where I heard my wife downstairs with the other husband explaining to him how much of a jerk I was. As I turned around to go back to bed, the other wife stopped me and said she was sorry. She then hugged me and began to rub up against me. That is when I made the biggest mistake of my life, and then laid back down in bed and passed out. 

I woke the next morning to my wife in tears because the other wife woke her and told her before I had a chance to confess. The other wife told her husband also, but he didn't care, and said it was bound to happen eventually.

I realize I am completely in the wrong and am busting my but to try to earn the forgiveness of my wife. I am having trouble though, because she insists that there is a reason I chose the other girl over my wife and keeps coming up with reasons that it must've occurred even though though they don't make sense. I do not want to downplay what I have done by any means it is just that my situation is different from most. I did not have an affair. There was zero emotion involved and very little thought. I love my wife very much and never did I think I would make a mistake like this in a million years.

This was a few months ago, and now anything I do wrong comes back to the fact that I don't love her and I think I can get away with whatever I want now because she didn't leave me after that night. We start marriage counseling next week and I hope that will help. Thank you all for taking the time to read my post, and any insight as to how doomed you think my relationship is or even how much of a jerk you think I am would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you.


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## sharkeey (Apr 27, 2012)

MAnderson2269 said:


> That is when I made the biggest mistake of my life, and then laid back down in bed and passed out.


I guess I don't get why laying down in bed and passing out from drinking too much is the biggest mistake of your life?

At least you didn't get behind the wheel of a car and go drive down the street and lose control and kill an innocent person.


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## MAnderson2269 (Jan 2, 2013)

Sorry, I really didn't explain that clearly. I must've lost my train of thought or something. The biggest mistake I made was having sex with the other chick at that time. I then laid down and passed out afterwards.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

This post is almost exactly the same as one posted a few months ago.


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

Please get yourself to counseling.
I'm thinking some of this was imagination or alcoholic haze? Stop alcohol for the foreseeable future. At least until this issue is settled. 

Arrange counseling for your wife.


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## MAnderson2269 (Jan 2, 2013)

I tried to find posts from people in situations similar to mine but couldn't. And as for counseling, we are both going together soon. And I don't know about the whole alcoholic haze thing. I have stopped drinking since that night, and I know a lot of it wouldn't have happened if alcohol wasn't involved. I am not sure which part is so hard to believe, but none of it was imagination.


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## sharkeey (Apr 27, 2012)

Catherine602 said:


> This post is almost exactly the same as one posted a few months ago.


I bet lots of people go to parties and get drunk and have sex with other people and then pass out and then regret it when they wake up in the morning and try to blame it on the booze.

The only thing this particular story has that is unique is that involves exactly two couples one of which are "known swingers" who apparently have no problem with sharing.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

There's a lot here that makes me wonder what games are being played and by whom...

OK, so this couple want to have sex with you and your wife.

You express your concerns, but your wife mocks your concerns.

You did not want to go to the party, your wife coerced you into going.

At the party your wife gets angry with you for being flirted at. The very thing you told her you were concerned about.

Then your wife starts comparing you, in very unfavourable and derogatory terms, to an old boy friend...


> My wife then began to talk about how much she missed her ex boyfriend from 10 years ago and how great he was and how no one ever treated her the way he did.


This upsets you, so you go to bed. The wife of the couple then encourages you to come back downstairs when you accidentally overhear...


> my wife downstairs with the other husband explaining to him how much of a jerk I was.


Your hostess regrets that you overheard this and offers you the solace of her body.

Next day when you are sober you bitterly regret what you did, but before you had the chance to confess, your hostess told all to your wife.

There are several possible explanations to this, including the one running through your head.

However, and I do not toss this in lightly, your story *as YOU understand it* might not be quite what you think it is.

Is there a possibility that you were set up, either by the couple, or even the couple with the collusion of your wife?

Stripped to the bare essentials, as I have done, shows that the series of events could have been stopped by your wife saying, at several points beforehand: "You know what, Honey? You are right. They are weird. Let's not go there."

But she didn't. 

I feel that there's more to this story than you know. You need to learn more before you take any further action, in my opinion.


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## cledus_snow (Feb 19, 2012)

> This post is almost exactly the same as one posted a few months ago.


i concur. the same exact post.

_SPOOOKY!_


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## Mr Blunt (Jul 18, 2012)

> By *MattMatt*
> I feel that there's more to this story than you know. You need to learn more before you take any further action, in my opinion.


*My thoughts exactly*



> By Manderson
> the other wife from flirting with me almost every chance she got, even in front of my wife. It eventually got to the point that it was even making me uncomfortable, and I told my wife this but she always just told me to let it go.
> 
> I did not want to go there because the whole situation is bad but she told me I was crazy.
> ...


*There is definitely more to this story! *

Manderson, you need to really make some changes in your life:

First, you decide who you are going to be friends with.
Second, when you see that something is not right then you take the imitative to put a stop to it, no matter what your wife says. 
Third, realize that getting drunk is a good way to become a loser. 
Forth, learn to forgive yourself. 
Fifth, Build yourself up by doing the things that you know will prove that you are an honorable man

The wife swapping swinging philosophy is one that will destroy a decent marriage
Getting drunk reduces your integrity


Find someone that has a 30+ year successful marriage that does not buy into any of the pop culture crap that has a track record of broken marriages. *You and your wife need to learn a LOT from long-term successful marriages*. Do not think that your wife does not need help

Prepare yourself for several years of battling issues in your marriage because you have a few that are not going away in a month or two.


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