# One last rant to flush the system



## deg20 (Apr 10, 2015)

How did she never get caught having sex at the school she works at?

How could she have sex in the boiler room with the married janitor during school hours?

How could she screw a 25 yr old in a dirty alley that night? and then have sex with two men a few hours later who "high fived" each other as they f***ed her?

How could she show up at a married couple's home that she never met and have sex with them while their young kids were sleeping in another room?

How could she let a man she never met choke her and spit on her and urinate on her when she was scared, with his wife watching, and not leave?

How could she spend 100.00 on a vibrator when her son needs shoes and asks her to buy them, but say she has no money?

How could she even ask me for a bar of soap while visiting my apartment, to take to her next "session"?

How could she have sex with other women and then tell me it's to turn "the guy on" and that she doesn't really like it?

How could she pick my friend up at the airport the very night I moved out of our house, and then have sex with him in her car when she should have been sad about me leaving after nine years?

How could she tell me the flowers I bought her every Valentines day for 9 years were just to show herr work friends up, and didn't mean anything?

How could she call me a "mistake"?

How could she even offer and then show me a video of her and a guy she just picked up at a bar having sex in our bedroom?...and be proud of it?

How could she show the same video at a fantasia party and think these women want to see it?

Does her new man of three months know about her recent past? Do her kids? Does her family know?

How can she ask me for money, get it from me, and then never respond to a text, or dismiss me, or avoid me?

How did I end up marrying such a goddamn mess?


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## ScrambledEggs (Jan 14, 2014)

deg20 said:


> How did she never get caught having sex at the school she works at?
> 
> How could she have sex in the boiler room with the married janitor during school hours?
> 
> ...



This really sounds like some sort of compulsive addictive behavior. Imagine if you married an alcoholic or drug addict and that is what you are dealing with. Someone so overcome by their own demons that can't even see to their own safety and security let alone that of their family. 

And it really is just luck that postpones the consequences of the destructive impulse. Sooner or later it catches up and those consequences are realized. STD's, Job Loss, Damage to children, loss of self respect. 

Everyone in this process has their own bottom. For some it is death and they never get past it. 

Just take care of yourself. It is all you can do, you can't save the addict in your life.


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## deg20 (Apr 10, 2015)

*This really sounds like some sort of compulsive addictive behavior. Imagine if you married and alcoholic or drug attic and that is what you are dealing with. Someone so overcome by their own demons that can't even see to their own safety and security let alone that of their family. 
*

Scrambled Eggs...I agree...and she admitted she never used protection...just wondering why this all ruminated AFTER she left me...if this was a disorder/behaviour/illness, etc., then why didn't rear it's head during our 9 years together?


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Wow, she is a piece of work. I appreciate your questions as you are trying to work through this mess. But here's ANOTHER question to ask yourself...

"WHY waste your time trying to figure out the answers to these questions, when she isn't even worth the time it takes to type them all out?"

She is an addict who needs professional help. The scope of her behavior is WAY beyond the pale, and you will likely never have answers to any of those questions. The only logical answer to any of them: Her mind is f*cked.


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## deg20 (Apr 10, 2015)

These are rhetorical...I don't want answers...I just needed others to see what she turned into after she left...and some of me thinks that some of this was around during our marriage...

I used this as a primal scream, or sorts, in type version...

...and I'm interested in all of your feedback...


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## ScrambledEggs (Jan 14, 2014)

deg20 said:


> *This really sounds like some sort of compulsive addictive behavior. Imagine if you married and alcoholic or drug attic and that is what you are dealing with. Someone so overcome by their own demons that can't even see to their own safety and security let alone that of their family.
> *
> 
> Scrambled Eggs...I agree...and she admitted she never used protection...just wondering why this all ruminated AFTER she left me...if this was a disorder/behaviour/illness, etc., then why didn't rear it's head during our 9 years together?





> *The Scorpion and the Frog*
> 
> A scorpion and a frog meet on the bank of a stream and the scorpion asks the frog to carry him across on its back.
> 
> ...


The Bold paragraph is just like you asking "why now". Some things do not have a good answer they are just are. Accept that was her nature and move on.


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## ScrambledEggs (Jan 14, 2014)

deg20 said:


> These are rhetorical...I don't want answers...I just needed others to see what she turned into after she left...and some of me thinks that some of this was around during our marriage...
> 
> I used this as a primal scream, or sorts, in type version...
> 
> ...and I'm interested in all of your feedback...


I totally get this. Scream away.


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## cgiles (Dec 10, 2014)

> How can she ask me for money, get it from me, and then never respond to a text, or dismiss me, or avoid me?


Because she doesn't need you anymore for the money, she has a new guy.

Get rig of anything which remind her to you, wear an elastic band to your wrist, and snaps it everytime you think about her. Your brain will associate pain with her, and will stop to think about her.


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## Shiksagoddess (Jan 20, 2011)

Get it out of your system, because there are no good answers.

I hope your next question is "where do I go from here," and "how can I heal from this?" Don't focus on what was done, but what you will do. 

Go forward this day, this very moment, as you mean to go on the rest of your life.


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

Deg

Is the "kid" in your rant your kid as well?


HM


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

And if you truly care for her don't be afraid to alert her family of her destructive behavior and ask that they intercede on her behalf before some wacko on the internet does her in.


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## deg20 (Apr 10, 2015)

*Is the "kid" in your rant your kid as well?

*

It is her son, my stepson...

Her niece, awhile back, told her she needs help after my ex told her/showed her some of this...my ex told me this...my ex told her that she knows what she's doing, and she's having fun being single...

I don't believe anyone else knew about this stuff. Because she is three months in to a relationship, they all are happy for her. All of these events, and more, happened in the first 7 months after she left me...

I thought about telling them, but it's too late now. My ex will deny it, or they simply won't believe me or not care because she has moved on...they will tell me it's none of my business, and I shouldn't concern myself...

They have no idea what this stuff has done to my mental state.


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

But maybe they are right.

You need to move on and put her, your marriage and stepson in the past at this time.

You obviously made a good decision if this is how your ex is reacting.


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## deg20 (Apr 10, 2015)

actually, she left me, not the other way around...citing that I stressed her out, wasn't happy, etc. all this happened afterwards.

perhaps she was acting out. I know she got into a crowd with a few people that were/are into this stuff.

i'm just hoping she wasn't leading a double life while I was married to her, and this was going on then...


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

She's a lot of things in combination most likely...

Narcissistic Personality Disorder...

Sadist...

Compulsive Obsessive...

Sociopath...

.....all rolled up into one diarrhea-inducing Quik-mart pre-packaged burrito. 

Sh!t her out of your life. Vomit her out on the street. Wipe your mouth and move on with your life. She's a festering, stinking pile of filth now.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

You did get checked out for STDs and HIV?


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## harrybrown (May 22, 2013)

Sorry for all of your pain.

Are you divorced from this wild person, and do you have to pay any money to her in support or alimony?

I hope you are divorced and not still married to her.

If you can get her out of your life, it will be so much better.

So sorry.


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## deg20 (Apr 10, 2015)

I did get checked...I am clean.


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## deg20 (Apr 10, 2015)

harrybrown said:


> Sorry for all of your pain.
> 
> Are you divorced from this wild person, and do you have to pay any money to her in support or alimony?
> 
> ...


Our year of sep. just ended...now divorce is proceeding...no alimony, spousal support at all requested by her, and this is in the sep. agreement. I took 20 grand and walked...the house is still for sale a year later and she is struggling. She may get a nil profit if she has to keep reducing the price...


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## deg20 (Apr 10, 2015)

*As far as screwing the friend.. well she's suddenly single and liberated and she's going to have some fun.*

The fact that he was my friend is the point here. He was a friend of 15 years. She met him through me. We all interacted on occasion every once in a while. Maybe if this was stranger, I could see your point. I was doubly betrayed here...


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

deg20 said:


> How did she never get caught having sex at the school she works at?
> 
> How could she have sex in the boiler room with the married janitor during school hours?
> 
> ...


My god.... This woman needs a TEAM of shrinks examining her. I literally became slightly nauseous reading this. If this isn't mental illness, I don't know what is. I hope you RAN to the doctors and had multiple STD tests done (sometimes stuff doesn't show up till later). She's an utterly disgusting POS. 



deg20 said:


> How did I end up marrying such a goddamn mess?


I have no idea but NEVER LOOK BACK. She should be dead to you. Have a mock funeral if you need too. HARD 180, absolutely zero contact ever again, destroy EVERYTHING that could possibly remind you of her, if anyone asks you anything about the last nine years say you were abducted by aliens... it NEVER happened...


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## deg20 (Apr 10, 2015)

*My god.... This woman needs a TEAM of shrinks examining her. I literally became slightly nauseous reading this. If this isn't mental illness, I don't know what is. I hope you RAN to the doctors and had multiple STD tests done (sometimes stuff doesn't show up till later). She's an utterly disgusting POS. 
*

Yes...I just received results from a psychiatrist who specializes in personality disorders and everything related. I submitted a detailed account of her personality, her traits, her actions, childhood/teen years, relationships, etc. She emailed me exactly the same advice as you, but labelled her a clear SOCIOPATH as well.

It seems after numerous consensus that this is the unanimous advice from professionals and others who have read my situation.


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## deg20 (Apr 10, 2015)

I wouldn't wish death upon her...ever...somewhere in there lies some goodness. Maybe someday she can be fixed


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

deg20 said:


> *My god.... This woman needs a TEAM of shrinks examining her. I literally became slightly nauseous reading this. If this isn't mental illness, I don't know what is. I hope you RAN to the doctors and had multiple STD tests done (sometimes stuff doesn't show up till later). She's an utterly disgusting POS.
> *
> 
> Yes...I just received results from a psychiatrist who specializes in personality disorders and everything related. I submitted a detailed account of her personality, her traits, her actions, childhood/teen years, relationships, etc. She emailed me exactly the same advice as you, but labelled her a clear SOCIOPATH as well.
> ...


Sociopathy is the first thing that popped into my head, along with sex addiction.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

deg20 said:


> I wouldn't wish death upon her...ever...


Okay.

I'll wish it on your behalf.

I don't think she's redeemable, and in fact, needs to be removed from the gene pool. 

Do you have kids?


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

deg20 said:


> I wouldn't wish death upon her...ever...somewhere in there lies some goodness. Maybe someday she can be fixed


Do NOT be the one to try. Some battles are hopeless enough to never initiate.


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## deg20 (Apr 10, 2015)

no...I would never try to fix her. I couldn't be bothered and I don't care to...most likely fruitless.

I didn't have kids with her.no...just helped raise hers...

2/3 of her kids are on meds and they are 19 and 21...anxiety and depression meds...

The 16 year old is the normal one, and funny...I had the most impact on him and moved in there when he was 6...taught him many things, and he loves music like I do...


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## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

deg20 said:


> no...I would never try to fix her. I couldn't be bothered and I don't care to...most likely fruitless.
> 
> I didn't have kids with her.no...just helped raise hers...
> 
> ...


I know a woman who had a similar meltdown to what your stbx is doing now. She estimates that she had sex with over a 1000 people during her 8 years of craziness. She actually kept a record of them all. 

5 years ago she used to brag about it now today she is a broken shell of the woman she once was. Best advice I can give you is just get out of her way, cut her out of your life. You cant help and she wont listen. 

She views this most likely like she is in control, she is doing what she wants. Its gonna take her a long time to realize she is just getting used and tossed to the side.


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## deg20 (Apr 10, 2015)

honcho said:


> I know a woman who had a similar meltdown to what your stbx is doing now. She estimates that she had sex with over a 1000 people during her 8 years of craziness. She actually kept a record of them all.
> 
> 5 years ago she used to brag about it now today she is a broken shell of the woman she once was. Best advice I can give you is just get out of her way, cut her out of your life. You cant help and she wont listen.
> 
> She views this most likely like she is in control, she is doing what she wants. Its gonna take her a long time to realize she is just getting used and tossed to the side.


I don't know if shes changed but she is in a 4 month rel. now...


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

The cruelty and disrespect she has shown towards you is what I cannot fathom. Sex addiction and MLC are common causes of hyper sexuality, but her ill treatment of you is beyond the pale.


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## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

deg20 said:


> I don't know if shes changed but she is in a 4 month rel. now...


A 4 month relationship will do little to change her. The woman I know got divorced, married again, divorced again and engaged during her "sexual liberation" phase.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

deg20 said:


> *My god.... This woman needs a TEAM of shrinks examining her. I literally became slightly nauseous reading this. If this isn't mental illness, I don't know what is. I hope you RAN to the doctors and had multiple STD tests done (sometimes stuff doesn't show up till later). She's an utterly disgusting POS.
> *
> 
> Yes...I just received results from a psychiatrist who specializes in personality disorders and everything related. I submitted a detailed account of her personality, her traits, her actions, childhood/teen years, relationships, etc. She emailed me exactly the same advice as you, but labelled her a clear SOCIOPATH as well.
> ...


A psychiatrist diagnosing someone based on a 3rd parties description. Sounds unethical to me.


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## where_are_we (May 24, 2013)

So sorry that you are in this mess. Please just focus on healing yourself. You can't cure a sex addict. I know because I am married to one - but getting divorced. 

I am guessing she was acting out during your marriage you just weren't aware. Get yourself tested if you have not yet.Don't blame yourself. Mine was acting out the entire 12 years and I had NO clue.


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## WorkingWife (May 15, 2015)

Wow. That is all so horrible, I am really sorry.

Is she bipolar? (I ask because I've heard that bipolar women are hyper sexual.) 

There is definitely something wrong with her. It's not just how COULD she, but why WOULD she. That is not the behavior of a mentally healthy woman even if she were single. If it's any consolation to you, know that SOMETHING is very wrong with her. It doesn't make it acceptable or not her fault, but she is definitely not firing on all cylinders.


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## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

EleGirl said:


> A psychiatrist diagnosing someone based on a 3rd parties description. Sounds unethical to me.


This happens all the time ethical or not. My stbx has been to every shrink and counselor in two counties here and had me "diagnosed" with all sorts of wonderous disorders. 4 have even sent letters to the court which are inadmissible and created more delays in our mess.

None have never met me, they all acknowledge my stbx has serious mental issues yet they diagnose me based on what she says. Once they start to focus on her problems she quits and goes to the next one and has me "diagnosed" all over again, usually with a new disorder.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

honcho said:


> This happens all the time ethical or not. My stbx has been to every shrink and counselor in two counties here and had me "diagnosed" with all sorts of wonderous disorders. 4 have even sent letters to the court which are inadmissible and created more delays in our mess.
> 
> None have never met me, they all acknowledge my stbx has serious mental issues yet they diagnose me based on what she says. Once they start to focus on her problems she quits and goes to the next one and has me "diagnosed" all over again, usually with a new disorder.


I know that it happens sometimes. And it's disturbing. All the a 'diagnosis' of that type tells us is what the 3rd party thinks.


I have no doubt that if my ex (son's father) were to describe the way he saw me, some unethical shrink would diagnose me with some type of mental illness, personality disorder and maybe all of them 

This is the guy who used to tell me what I was thinking and what my motives were. I could be reading a book and it was obvious to him that I was doing it to undermine him, to harm him in some way.

This is why 3rd party diagnosis are crap.


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## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

EleGirl said:


> I know that it happens sometimes. And it's disturbing. All the a 'diagnosis' of that type tells us is what the 3rd party thinks.
> 
> 
> I have no doubt that if my ex (son's father) were to describe the way he saw me, some unethical shrink would diagnose me with some type of mental illness, personality disorder and maybe all of them
> ...


I got more disorders than I can remember haha. I can also control her mind thru her lawyer, that was one of my favorites. 3rd party diagnosis are indeed crap.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## deg20 (Apr 10, 2015)

*I am guessing she was acting out during your marriage you just weren't aware. Get yourself tested if you have not yet.Don't blame yourself. Mine was acting out the entire 12 years and I had NO clue. 

*
If she was, then she hid it well...she almost always told me where she was...but hindsight is not always 20/20, and now, after realizing how easily she lies, many of these "whereabouts" could have easily been fabricated, or she in fact did go to the places she went, but then strayed afterwards...

I am clean...I got tested.

*Is she bipolar? (I ask because I've heard that bipolar women are hyper sexual.) 

There is definitely something wrong with her. It's not just how COULD she, but why WOULD she. That is not the behavior of a mentally healthy woman even if she were single. If it's any consolation to you, know that SOMETHING is very wrong with her. It doesn't make it acceptable or not her fault, but she is definitely not firing on all cylinders. 
*

I'm not sure about her being bi-polar...she was and still is taking anxiety meds and sleeping meds, and maybe others I'm not sure about. We share the same family doctor whom I visited recently. I relayed all this info to her. She couldn't comment obviously because of confidentiality, but as I told her these horrific events, and how I felt, she was tearing up...but of course was very generic and wouldn't comment about these events. Her facial expression and the watery eyes told me she knew SOMETHING...

Yes, there is SOMETHING wrong with her, no doubt. I look at these events in disbelief and wonder if they really happened...until I saw the pics and the video...you have no idea what it's done.

*The cruelty and disrespect she has shown towards you is what I cannot fathom. Sex addiction and MLC are common causes of hyper sexuality, but her ill treatment of you is beyond the pale. 

*

Yes...it's the cruelty and disrespect of her bragging about this that I can't grasp. She believed I'd be turned on by her events...probably because she's telling other guys ( my friend whom she reached out to a week before she left me...perverted bastard...single and gets off on breaking people up ). This is why I believe she never really loved me...how can a wife be so cruel...?

After reading heavily about sociopathic tendencies, it seems she fits the bill with about 75% of their traits...lying, false apologies, using me, callousness and apathy, and on and on...





















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## deg20 (Apr 10, 2015)

First of all, she told me...then about 3 weeks later, I was playing cards with guys on my ball team, many of them younger than me...one of them told the story that his buddy, around the same age as him...24-25, screwed this "milf" in the alley behind a popular bar in our city a couple weeks ago...said she went down on him, then he f***ed her from behind...I put 2 and 2 together, obviously...


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## convert (Oct 4, 2013)

EleGirl said:


> I know that it happens sometimes. And it's disturbing. All the a 'diagnosis' of that type tells us is what the 3rd party thinks.
> 
> 
> I have no doubt that if my ex (son's father) were to describe the way he saw me, some unethical shrink would diagnose me with some type of mental illness, personality disorder and maybe all of them
> ...


wait... Ele, you had a man that could read your mind and you let him go? That is every woman's dream:grin2:

Unless he is reading it all wrong


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

deg20 said:


> First of all, she told me...then about 3 weeks later, I was playing cards with guys on my ball team, many of them younger than me...one of them told the story that his buddy, around the same age as him...24-25, screwed this "milf" in the alley behind a popular bar in our city a couple weeks ago...said she went down on him, then he f***ed her from behind...I put 2 and 2 together, obviously...


:wtf:

Jesus, how does that even happen? Even the most alpha guy I know doesn't have the balls to ask a random girl in a bar for a double team in the back alley. That had to be 100% HER idea. Especially, given her history of hooking up with couples. Sickening...


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## deg20 (Apr 10, 2015)

*Jesus, how does that even happen? Even the most alpha guy I know doesn't have the balls to ask a random girl in a bar for a double team in the back alley. That had to be 100% HER idea. Especially, given her history of hooking up with couples. Sickening... 
*

No no...apparently, he asked her to go outside for some air, and they were both flirting...she knew him as he is a friend of her nieces who is the same age...It was hours later, after they had sex in the alley ( she told me this part first hand, and told someone else I know ) that she called a different guy she was with only a week ago for a ride. He showed up with another man...had her threesome at his house...

It is extremely sick, and this is not the woman I knew at all...

















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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

deg20 said:


> No no...apparently, he asked her to go outside for some air, and they were both flirting...she knew him as he is a friend of her nieces who is the same age...It was hours later, after they had sex in the alley ( she told me this part first hand, and told someone else I know ) that she called a different guy she was with only a week ago for a ride. He showed up with another man...had her threesome at his house...
> 
> It is extremely sick, and this is not the woman I knew at all...


I'm getting all these atrocities mixed up, I got it now. 

Sorry man, I'd buy you a beer if I could. That's horrible...

I found ranting here very therapeutic. Hopefully it's helping you too.

Good Luck.


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## deg20 (Apr 10, 2015)

The longer this thread goes, the better for me...telling neutral parties does help indeed. All of these incidents are stockpiled in my head, so writing them and receiving feedback is helping...some are so disturbing, that I can barely fathom them...

She had to go home to her son after these incidents...and she told her friends these things...I wonder what they truly think of her. I'm hoping, as bitter as this may sound, that her new man catches wind of this too. She told me she never spent the night...she always left, or sent them home...

My friend saw her sitting in perverts row one evening last summer, watching the female strippers. Apparently, it's easy to pick up a guy by doing this because these guys are hot and ready from watching the stage shows, so they are easy prey...

There are so many incidents that know of...and every one made me sicker and more disgusted in her...I am quite sure she found many of her threesomes on Craigslist...yet she told me that once you are in the "circle", other couples pass on her number and it's like a chain...I am so foreign to this lifestyle...she was a great mom, great cook, family oriented, seemed caring...but I now have a whole new perspective of her...


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## deg20 (Apr 10, 2015)

intheory said:


> deg20,
> 
> I am not familiar with your other threads, obviously.
> 
> ...


Intheory...thanks for your concern. Let me explain...

We separated on April 1st of last year...she left me citing I was miserable and stressing her out...the kids were stressing us out...true...but she showed detachment months before and I even had thoughts then of maybe leaving.... I remained in the home until June 1st. This is when I discovered her sexting my longtime friend...while I was in the house while separated. She slept with him the night I moved out.

Her threesome **** and all of these exploits began in July, to my knowledge, as this is when she first began telling me this stuff...with her coming over once a week for a "visit"...bad mistake... but I was experiencing hysterical bonding...

Then all of her sex stuff at school started in September along with these hook ups and threesomes with married couples which also continued from the summer and she relayed these events to me up to February...mind you, I only saw her once a month at around November...Yes, it is my fault I stayed in contact with her...I take full blame for not closing her off from the beginning.

Yes, I know we were separated at this point, but her actions made me think that this stuff could have been going on while I was married to her...and I was in disbelief that it was actually happening, and so extreme... that she was telling me this, and that it may have been fabricated...but it wasn't...others told me some of this stuff because they couldn't believe it either

I never thought of brain tumor...but all of her other faculties seemed fine...just that her moral compass was smashed and she was now a disgusting monster I never knew...


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