# Wanting to keep my family a whole



## corker22 (Feb 28, 2012)

Ok so my wife has had this on and off thing with a man for 7 years it was off for 2 years and about 3 months ago its back on. But this time its lasted the longest and for the first time its turned sexual. Me and my children are moving to florida soon and she decided she will stay here. I'm trying so very hard to keep my family a whole and im at my wits end with this. we have 3 wonderful children and even if its only to make it work for them ill do it! i know love will come back if we let it! but i need advice.

but i dont know what to do. i dont know what i did so wrong! I'm not controlling at all i let her see her friends whenever! she can goto clubs no biggy and i go with her when she wants me to. I have made sure to take her out once a week for the last 9 years. sometimes we go out 2-3 times a week. 

She has told me we are great until this guy comes around several times i dont know what it is about him at all! He is an old bf from middle school that she dated for about 3 months. He is such a loser too until about 2 months ago i always thought he must have had a great job/place was really doing well in life to take her away from her kids. But i found out recently that he contender for worlds biggest loser.

Hes got no job cant hold one cause his employers get to pissed off at him and fire him within 6 months. he lives at home with his mommy but she was gone for 6 months visiting his dad hes a oversees contractor or something. Came back 2 weeks ago thank goodness cause my wife had to take 2 days off to clean his house cause hes SOOOO freakin lazy that instead of taking his trash out he just throws it in the corner. she his trash pile was from the floor to the ceiling. She chews me out for not vacuuming everday... but its no big deal if she has to sleep in trash there. Also she developed a full body fungus cause of it. she cleaned his house and its finally going away. He never takes her out either! he says he will. He says he bought tickets to concerts or whatever but when it gets close to the date he "forgot" or "ran outa money". he said he'd chip in for gas every week but she has to nag him to forfill on his word

About me tho I am a stay at home dad she really wanted a career. so i let her i do however work part time nights at walmart have for the last 9 years. I wanted to work full time and move up but knowing how much she wanted it i let her have the career. Even tho i get crap for it i never cared cause i wanted her to be happy. Before she got her job i had the fulltime one she would ask if she could i told her ya get one and ill be the stay at home dad. She used to tell ppl that i wouldnt let her have a career her friends would give me so much ****. They would say how dare me in this day and age not let a woman have a career now that shes got one. They say how dare me not let her be the stay at home mom. Soooo im damned either way. so i just let her decided!

This is the choice i gave her. me and the kids are moving to florida with or without her. I've got family that can help me. She doesnt not have to pay child support so she can save money and fly there atleast once a month. I told her she could have them during the summer i'd take them during the school year. She can have the payed for house. I wont sell it so she can save money and see them. While ill have to find another place for me and the kids. 

This is what she wants. she wants me to move and pay child support. she wants the house cause its "hers" She also wants both payed for cars! She says she deserves these things because she is the woman. She says i should not get the kids cause She carried them for 9 months and this is all my fault anyways... 

I cannot let that happen for several reasons 
1. shes mentally unstable she hears voices becomes depressed and has been admitted several times 
2. shes financially irresponsible she will buy cloths and beer before food and bills are taken care of
3. She has a short temper and gets physically violent with me and the kids. I've tried calling the cops on her for it. She tells them i was the one that hit her and that i was couching the kids. i was almost thrown in jail... so that will not work... cops dont believe that women will hit there husbands. ive been a pacifist for about 15 years i believe all conflicts can be solved in a non-violent way and raise my children that way
4. When i worked night shift she would leave them alone at home in the middle of the night.
5. she will not keep the house clean.
6. she "forgets" lunch or dinner
7. she SCREAMS at them all the time! 

I want this to work for my children's sake. When "we" are doing good we are great for the most part the only time these negative changes in her occur are when he comes around. I've tried getting her help and took my vows very seriously. I've always thought these are FOR WORSE parts. But She makes this so hard. She will come home and tell me hatefull things like "i just had the greatest sex" or "I love givin him bjs" or "hes the love of my life" or "hes so much bigger then you"

I've become depressed because of this i always have to hear or see it yes shes shown me pics. I've seen the pics. I'm emotionally battered because of this and i'm doing my best for the kids. i need help. i want this to work!


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Your wife has no respect for you. You allowed this affair to continue for 7 years and you allow her to push you around.

It's time you man-up (I never say that but boy do you need to do it!)

You gave a laundry list of why she cannot have custody of the children. It's a list of some pretty serious things. Why are you even considering allowing her to have the children during the summer? She should have only supervised visitation.

If you tell the court that she's unfit so you need to have full custody ... but she can have them for the summer.. they are not going to believe your claims of her being unfit. 

And why are you considering giving her the house? That's nonsense. By giving her the house you lose the equity which ou will need to raise your children. 

Does you wife earn a decent income? Go see a lawyer and protect your kids. You might want to move to Florida and stay there long enough to establish residency with the children. When she wants to take the children be prepared with a court order that does not allow her to remove them from the state or take them at all.


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## corker22 (Feb 28, 2012)

I love her i always have. the reason why i chose to give her summers was because during the stress free summers shes totally cool. Its the school time that really gets her. the kids homework really pisses her off fractions really make her mad! I told her she could have the house so she could save money(its fully paid) so she could fly there often. Also i wanted my children to have a place in the summers.

She tells me that i cannot prove anything! All she has to do is say it was me and ill lose them forever. Believe it or not i've tried talking to ppl about it no one believes that a woman can do that. 

Me moving to florida is one of only ways i can think of to truly move on. i contacted a lawyer today one i could afford i dont think he believed me either but he said he could get it done for about 2500$ if she doesn't fight. 

There was one condition tho for her getting the kids for summers and that was to go threw therapy for her issues. yes she does make a decent pay she throws that in my face all the time. I was raised in a home with 2 loving parents she wasnt her dad cheated alot on her mother and ran away with his gf. I just wanted my children to have a 2 parent household.

Reading your reply tho i think im gonna have to play hard ball with her. My oldest is attached at the hip to her my 2 youngest refer to her by first name rather then mommy. i guess thats why im trying to be so nice about it. i want them to know their mom. Once i move she wont see them but once a month for a minimal of a year. until next summer if she doesnt get help then it'll be the summer after that. 

Is there anything i can do to get her to change her ways?
so it doesnt come to her becoming an absent mother? if i let her save money do you think that she could use that against me? i also said she could call whenever and video chat with them too. she said she would but when she disappeared for a week she didnt even bother checking in on them. so i dont think she will...


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

If you want her to have the house to live in for your children, then make it so that she can use the house. But when she moves or when the children are all over 18 the house has to sell and you get half of it.

In the way of a warning... I've seen it so many times where a man does what you are talking about... give her the house because of the kids. Then the ex-wife gets a boyfriend. She puts his name on the house too. They spit and he ends up with the house. I think there are acutally men who look for situations like that to get the house.

There is no guarantee that if you give her the house that she will have it for very long.

I believe that women can be vicious and violent. I've seen it with two of my sister's-in-law. There is a growing awareness of this.

My suggestion is that you get a voice activated recorder (VAR) and have it on you at all times when she is around. That way if she goes off on you, you have some proof. You can also get a nanny cam that she is not aware of for the same reason. Just check your state laws about recording people.


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## corker22 (Feb 28, 2012)

Thats good advice im gonna get both. 

I know that this man has done this with atleast 2 other women one was her friend. he tries time after time finally hes won i guess. he comes up with one excuse or another to why he does it even told her that with the last one "I realized she was happy with her husband so i backed off" so now she thinks hes a trust worthy and upstanding guy. Now i am worried that is what hes after the house. its in our names so maybe i just wont let her put it in her name only. 
She and him use the fact that we are so young as an excuse for her behavior. They tell each other she was so young of course this happened and its for the best. Now that they are older they know better now


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## accept (Dec 1, 2011)

Youre just better off without her.


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## corker22 (Feb 28, 2012)

So she moved out i helped her pack her things and told her to go live with stinky in his mothers garage. Alot of stress has been lifted thank God


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