# Wife's fantasies make me wonder...



## xitinglife (Jun 25, 2017)

I am sincerely hoping for a genuine advise and suggestions. This is a rather long post, so let me start with a summary to save you time: my wife told me that she fantasizes about double penetration, or simultaneous oral and vaginal sex, albeit she does not have a particular third in mind and her fantasies involve some abstract entity. More details below.

My wife and I have been happily married for nine years, and have two kids. Our marriage, I feel (as does she) is a strong one. Our love life is great -- we are both as much into each other as we were when we first met, and are always open with each other sexually and emotionally. 

Two years ago, during a particularly exciting session, she told me "I want it in both..." It was almost a thought out loud. I think she didn't even realize she said it. I had not brought it up again for many months, but at some point decided to challenge her. She never gave me any details, but would only smile every time I brought it up. I usually brought it up during hot sex sessions, and I noticed how much it turned her on. 

Recently I decided to have a conversation about it, just to set things straight, with a sober mind, so to speak. Now, generally my wife is quite shy (albeit, as I already mentioned, for the most part is rather open with me). I am also the only man she has ever been with. Long story short, it took a lot of effort to get anything comprehensible out of her. She avoided my questions, claiming it was only a "side effect" of a wild orgasm, heat of the moment thing. Eventually she confessed that sometimes the idea of having another penis turns her on. She said (and I knew this about her before) that she likes feeling weak, dominated, and forced into submission. She loves the idea of submitting to a strong man (and she considers me a strong man). 

Now the confusing part: when I asked her how she hopes to fulfill the fantasy, she said it was only a fantasy, and that I already somewhat fulfill it when I use my hands. When I asked her if she has any particular man for the role of the third in mind, she said she didn't, and cannot imagine having sex with anyone but me. She said the fantasy that she has is somewhat abstract -- no particular physical person attached to it. 

This is something I find hard to understand. I also do not know how to respond to this. Did she start feeling unsatisfied by me at some point? The strong man that she is talking about -- have I stopped fulfilling that role for her at some point, and now she needs something more (or someone else)? How common are these fantasies for females? 

I would really like a female perspective, but would also appreciate answers from men. Thank you!


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

Toys. Use a toy on her downstairs while you are inserted upstairs, so to speak. Or vice versa. Or back to front. 

The few times my wife and I have done this, she has gone crazy.

Your wife has given you an amazing gift: transparency in sexual fantasies. You need to both reassure her so she continues to come to you, then execute so she continues to come on you.

This has nothing to do with you based on what she has said. FFS, man, your wife is what many on here wish they had in the sack. 

Have fun!


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

Get a dildo, not another man. 

That's my suggestion.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

People have fantasies, I am sure you have them too, should she be insecure about them. You are not going to be able to fulfill all of them and neither will she. That's OK, for some reason there seems to be this feeling that in life you have to have all your fantasies to the detriment of your marriage. For most people marriage requires giving up stuff, including two men at that same time. There is a bunch of other stuff as well not just sex. Buy her a plug and have fun.


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## FrazzledSadHusband (Jul 3, 2014)

Just be happy she actually is vocal about what she likes. Go the a adult toy store and pick some out.


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## TChousewife (Jun 16, 2017)

It's not confusing about her not having a particular person in mind. To her, it's the IDEA of two penises filling her.

Me and my husband have done this with the use of a dildo, usually both him and toy in me at the same time.

As a few others have said get a toy. You and she both pick one and go from there. Have her be a bit more explicit about what she wants from you "both"


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

A bunch of other posters will soon come on here telling you about how every single man and woman on Planet Earth have a multitude of wild and crazy fantasies, thoughts, feelings and images that pop into and fade out in their minds all day every day.

And they will be correct, people cannot help but have a wide range of thoughts and ideas and images in their mind every day. It's part of being alive.

But there is a huge difference between thinking something and actually pursuing it.

I will let the other posters tell you more about that. I am going to throw in a different perspective.

My wife and I were highly involved in the swinging lifestyle for many years. We haven't just thought about and talked about it - we have actually done it. ..... Many times LOL

OUr first steps were exactly like yours. Although we we had watched a number of swinger group sex videos and one night finally asked.... "Would you ever....?"

The answer at first was of course "absolutely not!!l"

But over the next few YEARS it would come up periodically and eventually it the 'absolutely not' started to turn into "why not?"

In between we did the things others have mentioned, using toys, watching videos together, sexy talk in the heat of the moment etc.

Eventually we opened up and started discussing it when we weren't horned up and the hormones were not flowing.

In time we started slowly dipping our toes into those waters and eventually we were actually having real live encounters with other couples.

My point to this however is not to encourage or discourage you from exploring sex with other people. That is your business and your dicision either way as a couple.

The point I want to make here is for us, the process that went from first mentioning it to actually doing it was 1,256 steps (I counted them ha ha ha) and about 5 years from the first mention to the first actual sex with another couple.

And it was right around 2 years from the first serious discussion until the first full contact encounter.

And I also want to mention, it was about a year from when we first met another couple and had our first baby steps of touching other people, until we had actual intercourse with another couple.

It was a very methodical, step by step process and At anywhere during those 5 years and 1,256 steps, one or the other of us could have pulled the plug.

So my to all of this is don't freak out. You are only on step # 2 of a 1,256 step journey and it is a journey that you can stop at any point along the way if it is not your thang. 

All people have wild fantasies.

All couples will have this topic come up at some point in their marriage.

And whether you leave it as a fun fantasy with virtually no intention of doing anything in real life or whether you go for it, or whether you pick some point somewhere in the middle, it is all between you and your wife to discuss and work out together as a couple.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

If she's told you several times now that it is not a fantasy she wants to live out in real life, why don't you believe her? 

You've never fantasizes about something similar that you wouldn't want to live out? 

I have threesome and group fantasies and will never even try to live them out even though I could easily and ethically find lots of people to do this with. I also have no moral issues with it. But I'll never actually do it simply because I don't want to live out this fantasy. I just like to imagine it. I have a lot of other fantasies I don't want to live out either, and plenty that I do want to live out. There's a huge difference to me and if anyone was trying to push me toward one I didn't want to actually live out, I'd be pissed off. I'd also be pissed if someone got butt hurt about one that I didn't actually want to live out but he insisted on continuing to ask me about it as if I did. 

My boyfriend sometimes dirty talks to me during sex about all sorts of insane debauchery including several men being on me or in me or coming on me. I love this fun word playing in those moments yet he and I both know there is no reality nor even the wish for it to become reality behind the words. 

If you can't respect your wife's fantasy for what it is, then leave her alone and stop talking to her about it. You are being disrespectful by not accepting her truthful answer that she doesn't actually want to experience it.


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## twoofus (Jun 16, 2017)

Fantasies are a harmless and great way to spice up your love life and acting them out with dirty talk and perhaps a toy. A dildo we named George Cluney has sent my wife over the edge a few times in the past. Of course the dildo was not George Cluney in real life, and she had no expectation of having a ménage a trois with the actor or any other. I've made love to a very filthy minded Cameron Diaz and Lucy Lucy, still vivid in my mind.
Having watched Star Trek or similar, did you ever have fantasies about being an astronaut? If so, did you take the first step of sending your CV to NASA? For me and my childhood friends, it is yes to the first part and no to the second. OK, one of them did enquire lol
Let her have her fantasy with an imaginary person. Encourage her to pick an unobtainable celebrity (don't tell her he's out of her reach though, for ego reasons) and give it a Laurence Olivier performance.
Good luck!


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## xitinglife (Jun 25, 2017)

Faithful Wife said:


> If she's told you several times now that it is not a fantasy she wants to live out in real life, why don't you believe her?
> 
> You've never fantasizes about something similar that you wouldn't want to live out?
> 
> ...


I wasn't looking for a judgement, but rather advise possibly based on similar experience, but thanks for your time nonetheless.


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## xitinglife (Jun 25, 2017)

Thanks everyone for your responses.

Indeed, we both are quite active sexually and are open about our desires with each other -- something we both cherish and are proud of. Regarding "unconventional" sexual tendencies -- well, we have them, obviously, and openly explore them. In fact, we have been quite frisky, and I very much appreciate the fact that she trusts me with her sexual desires. For example, we've explored exhibitionism together (she and I both love it), and other forms of adrenaline inducing escapades.

I think writing about this, and having this discussion with you, has put me at ease -- having to describe to you our relationship reminded me of its strengths. 

Now, regarding her fantasy I mentioned in the original post: actually it turns me on, too. In fact, there have been a few sessions turned from casual to absolutely mind blowing as a consequence of me bringing up this fantasy of hers during the "session." In my mind, however, the other contributors are also "abstract." It is as if they are not physical persons, but some extensions of me (and that is exactly how she described it to me, too). That is very hot. I would sometimes say things like "what you need right now is another **** in your **** and maybe one in your mouth," and that would instantly put her in overdrive. 

But! One shouldn't play with matches if one is afraid of fire. I was really wondering whether I am possibly taking it too far, and would regret it later. I know for a fact, without the faintest shadow of a doubt, that she is loyal to me (as I am to her). I am just not sure how I would take it should she, at some point, want to act on this fantasy. 

Now, it has been mentioned that I should appreciate her honesty and openness. Indeed, I should and I do. In fact, we have made an agreement long ago (10 years) to always be honest with each other. I have also told her about my fantasies, and she is well aware of my desires (albeit I have been loyal to her for the past 10 years, as she has been to me). 

Thanks again for all your thoughts. 

Now I have another question, both for men and women: Those of you who did involve a third in your bedroom -- how was it afterwards? How did your relationship change? Did something "die," or did something come to life?


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

xitinglife said:


> Faithful Wife said:
> 
> 
> > If she's told you several times now that it is not a fantasy she wants to live out in real life, why don't you believe her?
> ...


You asked for a female opinion and when I give it, you think I'm judging you. Um, ok.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Here's a suggestion based on your 2nd post.

Sign up at Fetlife and create a profile for you and your wife there. Peruse other profiles and pictures and events and writings that have to do with the subjects you are interested in. It's free, you can be completely anonymous if you choose, and you don't have to interact with others if you don't choose to. This will give you a broader perspective about the topics you are discussing.


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## xitinglife (Jun 25, 2017)

Faithful Wife said:


> Here's a suggestion based on your 2nd post.
> 
> Sign up at Fetlife and create a profile for you and your wife there. Peruse other profiles and pictures and events and writings that have to do with the subjects you are interested in. It's free, you can be completely anonymous if you choose, and you don't have to interact with others if you don't choose to. This will give you a broader perspective about the topics you are discussing.


Thanks! Not a bad suggestion at all.


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## Phil Anders (Jun 24, 2015)

xitinglife said:


> She said (and I knew this about her before) that she likes feeling weak, dominated, and forced into submission. She loves the idea of submitting to a strong man (and she considers me a strong man).
> 
> Now the confusing part: when I asked her how she hopes to fulfill the fantasy, she said it was only a fantasy, and that I already somewhat fulfill it when I use my hands. When I asked her if she has any particular man for the role of the third in mind, she said she didn't, and cannot imagine having sex with anyone but me. She said the fantasy that she has is somewhat abstract -- no particular physical person attached to it.
> 
> This is something I find hard to understand. I also do not know how to respond to this. *Did she start feeling unsatisfied by me at some point? The strong man that she is talking about -- have I stopped fulfilling that role for her at some point, and now she needs something more (or someone else)?*


IMO, you are in danger of doing so now. Would her imagined strong man fret about this disclosure, ignore her attempt to empower him in the marriage, and instead seek reassurances with patently insecure-sounding interrogations about attractions to other men? 

Or would he "force her into submission" like she just asked for by grabbing some toys and filling up the two spots she mentioned, and maybe a third as well? I don't see anything in her revelation that suggests she actively wants another guy. If I were you, I'd "gear up" over at Good Vibrations & send her off to work wearing a butt-plug with instructions to meditate on how much more "fulfilling" her evening will be.


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## xitinglife (Jun 25, 2017)

Phil Anders said:


> IMO, you are in danger of doing so now. Would her imagined strong man fret about this disclosure, ignore her attempt to empower him in the marriage, and instead seek reassurances with patently insecure-sounding interrogations about attractions to other men?
> 
> Or would he "force her into submission" like she just asked for by grabbing some toys and filling up the two spots she mentioned, and maybe a third as well? I don't see anything in her revelation that suggests she actively wants another guy. If I were you, I'd "gear up" over at Good Vibrations & send her off to work wearing a butt-plug with instructions to meditate on how much more "fulfilling" her evening will be.


I was actually having similar thoughts. Thank you for your comment!


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## Phil Anders (Jun 24, 2015)

Good luck! Part of my suggestion I didn't highlight goes to expanding the menu (anal DP vs oral) as a further sign of strong leading--ie., you aren't just doing what she's scripted but taking things in your own direction, beyond her sense of control. 

Obviously you wouldn't ultimately do anything non-consensual (not without safe words, at least) and it doesn't have to be butt stuff; maybe you tie her up or something instead...but whatever the specifics, I doubt you'll regret playing a confident hand here.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

xitinglife said:


> Two years ago, during a particularly exciting session, she told me "I want it in both..."


Blindfold = $4.99
Strap-on Dildo = $24.98
Life size zombie doll halloween decoration = $49.99 
Zombie makeup for yourself = $15.00
Red food coloring for your lube = $2.49

Finding creative ways to pass the time with your wife until the next season finale of the Walking Dead airs = PRICELESS

Cheers, 
Badsanta


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

It is wonderful for people to feel comfortable enough to share their fantasies with their partners. That doesn't mean that you have to act on every fantasy. It lets you know what she wants, now you can think about what part of that fantasy is OK with you. 

Also, talk to her. Would you being dominant (with a safe word) and using a toy fulfill most of her fantasy, or does it need a 3rs person?


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

Frankly what turns me on in porn is of no interest IRL. It's a way to create arousal, maybe danger or taboo, and perhaps even power (your w is so amazing that guys fall over themselves to f the living s out of her)

That frankly all great! Life has too many responsibilities and realities anyway - why not create a sexual fantasy world that you are the center of?

So, my advise is hard core role play. She loves the sexiness of getting taken by multiple "you's". So you can talk about it in past tense while you're having sex - or about a fictional coworker. "Sheila" the office slvt was getting spit roasted in the conference room today - that xxxx can really take the xxxx! " And go with it. Maybe just talking about it like it really is happening / happened is enough. Watch a few videos and then describe it in detail - that's how fantasies work

Or make it personal - baby I can't believe you took all that xxxx this morning and can still walk! Etc etc with specific details.

Fantasy can be fun and it's best when it occurs exactly as you imagine. Reality rarely measures up


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## xitinglife (Jun 25, 2017)

TheTruthHurts said:


> Frankly what turns me on in porn is of no interest IRL. It's a way to create arousal, maybe danger or taboo, and perhaps even power (your w is so amazing that guys fall over themselves to f the living s out of her)
> 
> That frankly all great! Life has too many responsibilities and realities anyway - why not create a sexual fantasy world that you are the center of?
> 
> ...


I totally agree with everything that you've said. Now, as I have mentioned already, she and I are very open with each other. Also, in the past years, I had been the one most vocal about my fantasies. It wouldn't bother her much, for instance, if we were sitting in a park and I said something like "I'd love to bend that mom over a bench and f her brains out" about a woman passing by. In fact, it would turn my wife on. I think the reason is that she is confident in my loyalty. I am also confident in hers, but I guess what took be somewhat by surprise is her openness (she previously never talked about her daring fantasies other than some casual ones, like laying herself on the dinner table and "serving" me her... which is easy to realize in real life). Not that I'm complaining at all.

I agree that some fantasies should remain fantasies, but talking about them can spice things up. I also agree that some fantasies should be only partially fulfilled. As far as the one in the original post -- after all the advise, and after thinking about it, I have now internalized them and assimilated to them. I do find it very arousing. 

As far as 3rds -- I am too dominant and too possessive to allow for that, and my wife is too possessive and too private for it, too. In our case, I fear it would do more damage than good. 

Anyway, will write an update in about a week (on vacation now, will experiment once we are back... in the mean time, sex in parks has been great... we're off to a museum today *evil grin* )


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

I don't think is too out of the ordinary, or necessarily means anything IMO.

I had a female friend once tell me that she had this same fantasy. AFAIK, she never acted on it.

My wife will occasionally latch on to my finger with her mouth and mimic oral sex while I'm inside her.

Her, and other partners I've had, have given me oral sex while masturbating/using a dildo or vibrator or fingers.

Simultaneous oral and vaginal sex seems to be a somewhat common fantasy, it appears. Most women (or men, for that matter) have fantasies about multiple partners. Most don't act on it, especially in marriage.





xitinglife said:


> I am sincerely hoping for a genuine advise and suggestions. This is a rather long post, so let me start with a summary to save you time: my wife told me that she fantasizes about double penetration, or simultaneous oral and vaginal sex, albeit she does not have a particular third in mind and her fantasies involve some abstract entity. More details below.
> 
> My wife and I have been happily married for nine years, and have two kids. Our marriage, I feel (as does she) is a strong one. Our love life is great -- we are both as much into each other as we were when we first met, and are always open with each other sexually and emotionally.
> 
> ...


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

This thread makes me wonder about communication and how the positive effects of being transparent are wholly dependent on the listener. 

Are you hearing what she is communicating or are you hearing what you secretly wish to hear?


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## Steve1000 (Nov 25, 2013)

xitinglife said:


> I would really like a female perspective, but would also appreciate answers from men. Thank you!


You currently have a good situation going in fantasy-land. Don't mess it up by asking serious, specific questions. Instead just go along with the fantasies and have fun with her fantasy. If your wife ever tells you outside of a hot steamy session that she wants to try a third person, then you need to take it seriously and clearly tell her "no way". 

Enjoy your wife and your good marriage.


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## Ghost Rider (Mar 6, 2017)

A lot of the advice given to you here so far is ok, but I would just add that I hope you won't let insecurity and jealousy seep into an otherwise good marriage. You will ruin everything if you do. By your own words you have no reason to believe your wife has been unfaithful to you or even wants to be. So you need to come to grips with your irrational insecurity by yourself.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

These situations makes me get worried, make me chatter uncontrollably across the floor. Like a wind up toy.

I would not encourage this line of thought with her.

a. If you do, she might think you do not value her. That you would "actually" share her with another man. Not treasure her, protect her. For this, she will soon resent you. Dump you or cheat on you.
b. If you do so, she will do so. She is only waiting for your tacit approval. And she may do it behind your back, with too strange, two strange peters. In her, in the Heart of Darkness.


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## GettingIt_2 (Apr 12, 2013)

xitinglife said:


> This is something I find hard to understand. I also do not know how to respond to this. *Did she start feeling unsatisfied by me at some point?* The strong man that she is talking about -- *have I stopped fulfilling that role for her at some point, and now she needs something more (or someone else)*? How common are these fantasies for females?


NO, and NO. 

But be careful of self-fulfilling prophesies. If you are insecure about this and drop hints and accusations, she will eventually clam up and go unfulfilled and *perhaps* that is where problems begin. 

This is not an uncommon fantasy. 



xitinglife said:


> As far as 3rds -- I am too dominant and too possessive to allow for that, and my wife is too possessive and too private for it, too. In our case, I fear it would do more damage than good.


I have the same fantasy as your wife (to a pretty extreme degree) and my husband is fully aware of it and I can talk to him about it without shame, and he doesn't ever act insecure about it. 

That being said, he would NEVER share me, and has made it abundantly clear. And I respect that, and need that, and it makes me feel deliciously owned. 

If my husband was ever ok with sharing me, even to fulfill a sexual fantasy of mine, it would shatter me. I don't know about your wife, but one of the reasons I'm okay sharing my fantasies with my husband is that I'm completely sure that he will always protect us, our marriage, our bond FIRST. And that means he has exclusive rights to my body. 

The day he'd even mention that he *might* be okay with sharing me, the day he agreed to even entertain a serious conversation about it, is the day I'd know he didn't own me, possess me, and want me in that fierce way that feels like love. 

I NEED him to set that boundary. I TRUST him to set that boundary. 

And if I crossed that boundary I'd know I could never have back what I have now. So if you are someone who can't and won't share--then don't. Ever.


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## Elizabeth001 (May 18, 2015)

Some fantasies are better left as just that. I think you should just have fun with the pillow talk, enjoy it and relax. Me thinks you are over-thinking something you should just enjoy with your wife.

I hope one day I find someone I can be as comfortable and intimate with!

Sometimes we humans ponder too much on tomorrow and end up missing out on what's happening today 


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

GettingIt_2 said:


> NO, and NO.
> 
> But be careful of self-fulfilling prophesies. If you are insecure about this and drop hints and accusations, she will eventually clam up and go unfulfilled and *perhaps* that is where problems begin.
> 
> ...




GI you're awesome! I miss you babe!


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## xitinglife (Jun 25, 2017)

GettingIt_2 said:


> NO, and NO.
> 
> But be careful of self-fulfilling prophesies. If you are insecure about this and drop hints and accusations, she will eventually clam up and go unfulfilled and *perhaps* that is where problems begin.
> 
> ...


Thank you for your response! This was almost therapeutic. You see, I feel about my wife exactly the way your husband feels about you (or at least how you described it). This is precisely the reason why I got a bit worried. You see, being as possessive as I am, and as much in love with my wife as I am, when I first heard of her fantasies, it took me a lot of energy and effort to not blow things out of proportion. I needed to know whether this was somewhat of a common "thing" with women, I needed to know how to interpret it, I needed to know whether there came a time for me to put up a fight for our relationship.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

Why don't you tell your wife EXACTLY that -- you would love to share this fantasy with her, but NOT something that you would ever want in real life -- and explain to her that you would never share her. Set those boundaries explicitly, and then figure out inventive ways (as others have pointed out!) to play with that fantasy.


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## GettingIt_2 (Apr 12, 2013)

xitinglife said:


> Thank you for your response! This was almost therapeutic. You see, I feel about my wife exactly the way your husband feels about you (or at least how you described it). This is precisely the reason why I got a bit worried. You see, being as possessive as I am, and as much in love with my wife as I am, when I first heard of her fantasies, *it took me a lot of energy and effort to not blow things out of proportion.* I needed to know whether this was somewhat of a common "thing" with women, I needed to know how to interpret it, I needed to know whether there came a time for me to put up a fight for our relationship.


And that, as an "ownership" type of guy, will forever be your challenge, and your responsibility. Some women cherish being "owned" in this way, others will chafe against it and even provoke her husband's anxieties. Your job is to be steady state and fair, to remain calm and matter of fact. Doing the whole insecure routine where you check up on her behind her back, or project your anxieties on her her behavior because you can't stop that hamster wheel in your head . . . well, there is where you lose "dominant" and become "needy."

She was honest with you, so be honest with her. If she understands your boundaries and _you hold to them and don't ever start down some slippery slope because you think that if you don't your might lose her_ . . . then there is no problem with enjoying her fantasy together. 

One of the reasons I respect my husband is that I know that there are deal breakers for him. He would not sacrifice his core values and who he is as a man just to keep me. If I knew I could cross the lines he has clearly set out and have him take me back, then he wouldn't be the man for me. 

Have the self respect and self confidence to have deal breakers in your marriage. For me, it's the foundation of the security of our commitment--more so than our love for one another. 

Call it my "invisible leash." Belief in consequences in a powerful thing.


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## xitinglife (Jun 25, 2017)

GettingIt_2 said:


> And that, as an "ownership" type of guy, will forever be your challenge, and your responsibility. Some women cherish being "owned" in this way, others will chafe against it and even provoke her husband's anxieties. Your job is to be steady state and fair, to remain calm and matter of fact. Doing the whole insecure routine where you check up on her behind her back, or project your anxieties on her her behavior because you can't stop that hamster wheel in your head . . . well, there is where you lose "dominant" and become "needy."
> 
> She was honest with you, so be honest with her. If she understands your boundaries and _you hold to them and don't ever start down some slippery slope because you think that if you don't your might lose her_ . . . then there is no problem with enjoying her fantasy together.
> 
> ...


So I actually had this conversation with her last night (it wasn't focused and came about in a somewhat by the way fashion). Anyway, I obviously did not interrogate her -- that wasn't my intention. We began casually talking about how much we enjoy each other sexually, and she herself brought it up. I made sure to tell her about my possessiveness (as if she didn't know) and set strict boundaries. Sure enough, as suspected, she said she didn't want or see anyone else in my place, even in her wildest fantasies. Instead, again, she images a couple of "clones" of me having our way with her. By the way, to me that is quite arousing! She herself is very possessive, and said she doesn't want to even think of the possibility of bringing another female into our bed. That's fair enough.


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

xitinglife said:


> So I actually had this conversation with her last night (it wasn't focused and came about in a somewhat by the way fashion). Anyway, I obviously did not interrogate her -- that wasn't my intention. We began casually talking about how much we enjoy each other sexually, and she herself brought it up. I made sure to tell her about my possessiveness (as if she didn't know) and set strict boundaries. Sure enough, as suspected, she said she didn't want or see anyone else in my place, even in her wildest fantasies. Instead, again, she images a couple of "clones" of me having our way with her. By the way, to me that is quite arousing! She herself is very possessive, and said she doesn't want to even think of the possibility of bringing another female into our bed. That's fair enough.




But a couple "clone a Willy" sets, get a pump and c ring, and google how to clone yourself. You have to have everything timed out. A guy recommended using a pvc tube instead of the provided tubing to allow you to push it on deeper.

I did for a laugh for my w.

The result is very rigid and therefore not very useful but if she's highly aroused that might not matter - she can still play with you both or all 3


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

TheTruthHurts said:


> But a couple "clone a Willy" sets, get a pump and c ring, and google how to clone yourself. You have to have everything timed out.


What, you mean from that website CloneAWilly.com?
:smile2:


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## GettingIt_2 (Apr 12, 2013)

xitinglife said:


> So I actually had this conversation with her last night (it wasn't focused and came about in a somewhat by the way fashion). Anyway, I obviously did not interrogate her -- that wasn't my intention. We began casually talking about how much we enjoy each other sexually, and she herself brought it up. I made sure to tell her about my possessiveness (as if she didn't know) and set strict boundaries. Sure enough, as suspected, she said she didn't want or see anyone else in my place, even in her wildest fantasies. Instead, again, she images a couple of "clones" of me having our way with her. By the way, to me that is quite arousing! She herself is very possessive, and said she doesn't want to even think of the possibility of bringing another female into our bed. That's fair enough.


Glad you can talk to her about it. 

I would add a few more things: 

1. Be careful that you're not unintentionally "leading" her during these conversations. If she perceives that her fantasy is triggering your insecurities, she might feel compelled to "dress it down," so to speak. The less you say and the more you listen, the better. For example, don't question her about the other men in her fantasy--whether they resemble you, are bigger than you, etc. It's very easy for a woman to pick up on a man's insecurities. You don't want her to feel she has to edit her fantasy to keep you from freaking out and not letting her enjoy it. 

2. Be prepared for her fantasy to evolve and to perhaps become different, more extreme etc. It is possible that she is still in a "testing the waters" phase with you. Building trust with this sort of thing can take time. If those clones of you morph into fantasies of men who are quite different than you, don't panic, and don't feel like it "means" something. 

I'm not saying she does fantasize about being used sexually by other men, but if she does, it does not mean it's going to become her behavior. And if it does, then it's not because you let her indulge in the fantasy; it's because she's choses not be be monongamous to you. 

Question: Would you be up for having sex with another woman if your wife was okay with it, or if it turned her on? Do you fantasize about that? Do you talk to you wife about that fantasy?


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## xitinglife (Jun 25, 2017)

GettingIt_2 said:


> Glad you can talk to her about it.
> 
> I would add a few more things:
> 
> ...


No, she knows I am quite secure in my own skin. She also knows I have enough kink in me so she can talk to me openly; but I do see your point behind (1) and agree with you.

Regarding (2): agreed, and I'll deal with that if/when that comes about. For now, I think thinking/reading too much into it may actually be damaging (which I think was one of your original points). 

Answering your question: I choose to stay loyal to my wife not because I feel it's "right" (I have done plenty of "wrong" things), but because I want to. It defines my character, it is one of my principles. Do I fantasize about other women? Well, just about every time I see an attractive lady (albeit it isn't really a fantasy... just a passing thought). My wife knows about it. She also knows I won't jump under another skirt even given the opportunity.

That said, I did, for the fun of it, throw it out there a couple of times - "how about we bring a girl into our bed? I'll let you choose one." The answer from her was always a categorical "no!" Similar categorical "no" was given when asked about bringing in a "boy."


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## xitinglife (Jun 25, 2017)

@Talker67 and @TheTruthHurts: :grin2: I am aware of that, and that could be fun, but no, that isn't what I meant.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Anon Pink said:


> This thread makes me wonder about communication and how the positive effects of being transparent are wholly dependent on the listener.
> 
> Are you hearing what she is communicating or are you hearing what you secretly wish to hear?


Don't we ALL do that?

We project our thoughts and dreams and wishes and hopes on our SO's.

It is the easiest path. The most comfortable path for the speaker who offers up the window to his/her innermost desires. Transparency [can be] a dangerous thing.

Some things, some thoughts must remain hidden. 
.............................................................................................................
Three oft used quotes:

'Some people cannot handle the truth'.

'Familiarity brings contempt'.

'It is better to be silent and thought a fool, then to speak and to be known one'.

Eh?


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## CaliRN13 (Jun 30, 2017)

xitinglife said:


> Thanks everyone for your responses.
> 
> Indeed, we both are quite active sexually and are open about our desires with each other -- something we both cherish and are proud of. Regarding "unconventional" sexual tendencies -- well, we have them, obviously, and openly explore them. In fact, we have been quite frisky, and I very much appreciate the fact that she trusts me with her sexual desires. For example, we've explored exhibitionism together (she and I both love it), and other forms of adrenaline inducing escapades.
> 
> ...



We have added M and F's as 3'rds. My H likes M to join almost more. Nothing has changed. Except we have interesting stories. Feeld (an app) is a fun place to brouse too. **never invite personal friends to join!!!


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

SunCMars said:


> Don't we ALL do that?
> 
> We project our thoughts and dreams and wishes and hopes on our SO's.
> 
> ...



No, I don't think we all do that. I don't.

I agree that some things are better left unsaid. But then again, they could fester until they blow up.





> Three oft used quotes:
> 
> 'Some people cannot handle the truth'.
> 
> ...



True. Walking a line we sometimes step over and it turns out well, other times, not so much.


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