# Wife's rebound



## loverher (Dec 3, 2012)

Just wanted to get this off my chest its been bothering me,
My wife left two months ago with the whole not in love with you speech after 18 yrs together 17 married. Two weeks into the seperation she files for D just about the time I find out she has a new set of friends and a guy who wants to see her. Well she has been hanging around this guy for the last month and a half. She rushed the D paperwork and now we both have signed and wait 90 days and its done. This seems like a rebound relationship to me just to fill the gap. My question is how long does it take before a rebound crashes and burns, seems like most do. She has had no time to stop and reflect on our marriage at all. Is she setting herself up for disaster or will they have a chance. Any thoughts, Thanks.


----------



## Dewayne76 (Sep 26, 2012)

Always a chance. 

He was probably in her / the picture before she leads you to believe. 

It's a new high for her. Who knows how long. 

Yes, these things typically crash. However I do know of some that have stayed. 

I'm with you. Long story in mine and I deleted my thread, but with complications, same thing. 

Mine's rushing papers to be signed as well. I've decided it's probably like yours. OM that started this is out of the picture probably and she probably has a new "friend" At this point, reflecting back, Fvck HER!

keep on this forum. All kinds of good info. Just read up in Coping With Infidelity and Going Through Divorce sections. Won't take you long to get the info you need. 

Good luck.


----------



## 5Creed (May 29, 2011)

I know this hurts like nothing else right now. Most of the time when someone rushes into a relationship during a divorce or immediately after a divorce-like your wife has-it does not last. She hasn't had the time to work on herself. The best thing you can do now is not to concern yourself with her relationships or if they are going to succeed or not. I was married for a long time too and I know how hard it is to let go; but keeping the attitude of "I don't care anymore" will help you in the long run. She isn't your problem, move forward and take care of you!


----------



## BigMac (Oct 29, 2012)

5Creed said:


> I know this hurts like nothing else right now. Most of the time when someone rushes into a relationship during a divorce or immediately after a divorce-like your wife has-it does not last. She hasn't had the time to work on herself.



Those relationships are out of desperation , to live for the moment , today !

They don't last more then a year if that 1

180 , NC and DARK !

Don't bother at all ! She'll learn the hard way believe me ! My story is almost the same , just divorced but she is changing her mind quickly .

Just be strong and 180 !


----------



## loverher (Dec 3, 2012)

BigMac said:


> Those relationships are out of desperation , to live for the moment , today !
> 
> They don't last more then a year if that 1
> 
> ...


Finding it hard to do the 180 with my daughter, just started last night 100% when the stbxw drop my daughters clothes off. Seems she allways has a text or phone call about somthing, says I want to be able to talk to you. Also wants to remain friends. sighhhhhhhh


----------



## BigMac (Oct 29, 2012)

loverher said:


> Finding it hard to do the 180 with my daughter, just started last night 100% when the stbxw drop my daughters clothes off. Seems she allways has a text or phone call about somthing, says I want to be able to talk to you. Also wants to remain friends. sighhhhhhhh



Just don't answer the calls ! If the text is about the kiddo , answer it but business only , polite and with smile !

Have someone do the exchange !

Don't say " not possible " ! It is possible !

Stay friends = I want to keep you aside me as a Plan B , if the thing doesn't work with posOM !

DON'T DO IT !


----------



## HiRoad (Oct 22, 2012)

loverher said:


> Finding it hard to do the 180 with my daughter, just started last night 100% when the stbxw drop my daughters clothes off. Seems she allways has a text or phone call about somthing, says I want to be able to talk to you. Also wants to remain friends. sighhhhhhhh


Like everyone else here you are not alone, I too am going through the same process. 

My advise, the same as BM! 

180, NC, Let her go, You go DARK!

I plan to p/u my kids on thurs. and have family drop them off on Sun. to her. Get the point, DARK! Then I will not see her for like 2 or 3 weeks. 

The next time i MUST see the STBXW will be a xmas party for my kids that we wil both be at on the 14th. Then i will be happy, cheerful, all about my kids! 

Give them what they want, you want a D or S then you got it. Show them what they are losing, be the best YOU for YOU!


----------



## oncehisangel (Oct 13, 2012)

loverher said:


> Finding it hard to do the 180 with my daughter, just started last night 100% when the stbxw drop my daughters clothes off. Seems she allways has a text or phone call about somthing, says I want to be able to talk to you. Also wants to remain friends. sighhhhhhhh



Dont be her plan B- 

Remain indifferent and calm and watch what she does not what she says 

(curtesy of our wise mr conrad-read his story)


----------



## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

loverher said:


> says I want to be able to talk to you. Also wants to remain friends. sighhhhhhhh


Nope. She gave up this right. Friends don't do this to one another. Move on, she already has. The woman you knew is dead.

So sorry.


----------



## our vision shattered (May 25, 2012)

Dewayne76 said:


> Always a chance.
> 
> He was probably in her / the picture before she leads you to believe.
> 
> ...


glad to see your back


----------



## damcel (Nov 27, 2012)

They want you to jump at their requests but is she there for you? Probably not...my philosophy in this case "Treat others as you'd like to be treated."


----------



## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

I guess this rebound relationship will last depending on how much of a friendship you have with your ex.

What I mean is if I was your wifes new BF I wouldn't be to keen on the fact that my chick was still seeing her ex.."just a friends".

So I suggest you become a "real good friend" with your STBXW and keep the doubt in the OM mind that something is still going on.

Play on this guy insecurities and leave the lines of communication open with your STBXW and maybe it will last alot shorter then your STBXW and her new BF think.

I remember a thread here were a husband lost his old lady to OM and she even got a tatoo of OM name on her. The husband was open with being her friend for the "kids sake" and was even communication with OM mother......the OM became so controlling and was so insecure the WW went back to her husband.


----------



## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

loverher said:


> My wife left two months ago with the whole not in love with you speech after 18 yrs together 17 married. *This was the first clue that she was already in another relationship*
> 
> Two weeks into the seperation she files for D just about the time I find out she has a new set of friends and a guy who wants to see her. *Again, she didn't develop this new network of friends and the new guy in 2 weeks time.*
> 
> ...


----------



## loverher (Dec 3, 2012)

Well be going on two days NC 180 have not heard a peep from her. She will drop off my daughter tonight after her counseling session. I asked my W to take so she can see all the hard ache and anger my daughter has with her,going to stay calm and show no emotion hope it is quick and easy.I have finaly got to the point where I dont care what she is doing, papers are signed and I can do nothimg more than take care of my daughter and myself. This sucks but In my heart I have done all I can.


----------



## Dewayne76 (Sep 26, 2012)

our vision shattered said:


> glad to see your back


Thanks bud. 

For a little bit at least.


----------



## loverher (Dec 3, 2012)

update: My wife dropped my daughter off after her counseling session, I put her in counseling right after her mom left because she was pissed at the W big time. This is the first time she has taken her @ my request.So the W came into the house brought me a burger to eat that was nice, talked about her next orthodontic appointment and asked if I was still smoking I said yes so we went to the garage and had a cig and only talked about my daughters counseling session a little. I was calm no emotion and 180 all the way. She then left and the text started to come about me not saying anything to my daughter about what we talked about. It was like she wanted to keep the conversation going, but I was short and to the point. It was the first time that I felt like I had control over me in the last two months to the day. Feels rally good.


----------



## loverher (Dec 3, 2012)

Its been allmost a week on the 180 and its been real tough, I have no calls or text from her its been real quiet. I not sure the 180 is right for someone who feeels she is not loved and cherrished, feels like I am pushing her farther away. It has helped me on days to feel better because I dont have to think about her as much. Papers are signed and will be filed on monday ,not what I wanted to do but she pushed me in a corner to sign. she is having money problems being on her own and needs the child support to make it. I would like to know how long it takes for a WAW to wake up and see that the grass is not greener on the other side,that it would be better to work this out then D.


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

loverher said:


> Its been allmost a week on the 180 and its been real tough, I have no calls or text from her its been real quiet. I not sure the 180 is right for someone who feeels she is not loved and cherrished, feels like I am pushing her farther away. It has helped me on days to feel better because I dont have to think about her as much. Papers are signed and will be filed on monday ,not what I wanted to do but she pushed me in a corner to sign. she is having money problems being on her own and needs the child support to make it. I would like to know how long it takes for a WAW to wake up and see that the grass is not greener on the other side,that it would be better to work this out then D.


You want to be Plan B?


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

loverher said:


> update: My wife dropped my daughter off after her counseling session, I put her in counseling right after her mom left because she was pissed at the W big time. This is the first time she has taken her @ my request.So the W came into the house brought me a burger to eat that was nice, talked about her next orthodontic appointment and asked if I was still smoking I said yes so we went to the garage and had a cig and only talked about my daughters counseling session a little. I was calm no emotion and 180 all the way. She then left and the text started to come about me not saying anything to my daughter about what we talked about. It was like she wanted to keep the conversation going, but I was short and to the point. It was the first time that I felt like I had control over me in the last two months to the day. Feels rally good.


This actually answers your next post.

The 180 is about you - not her.

If she has her head up her ass, that's not yours to own.


----------



## loverher (Dec 3, 2012)

well I was kind of thinking I was plan A, that her walking out looking for greener grass was plan B. Would hope she would come back to plan A me. Is this wrong to think this way. I have changed the things she complained about and working on myself to be even better, and she has acknowleged that. I just keep getting the "not right now" speech until I went NC.


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

loverher said:


> well I was kind of thinking I was plan A, that her walking out looking for greener grass was plan B. Would hope she would come back to plan A me. Is this wrong to think this way. I have changed the things she complained about and working on myself to be even better, and she has acknowleged that. I just keep getting the "not right now" speech until I went NC.


The thoughts in your head indicate you are happy being HER Plan B.

Are you in counseling?


----------



## loverher (Dec 3, 2012)

Yes next appointment on thursday. I get what you are saying conrad, move on let her go! dont be her second choice because that what I am doing. I just had hope that I could get my family back.


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

loverher said:


> Yes next appointment on thursday. I get what you are saying conrad, move on let her go! dont be her second choice because that what I am doing. I just had hope that I could get my family back.


The ONLY hope you have for that is to basically forget about it and work on you.


----------



## loverher (Dec 3, 2012)

Well the 180 is in full effect and had to see the stbxw today for the first time in a week when she droped off my daughters clothes. It was her birthday so I wished her a happy birthday with a smile and she said thank you, then she said you have lost some weight, how much you lost? I told her and then she said I bet you feel good, then I said I feel great! After she left my daughter basicaly told me if it was not for the "POSOM" mommy would be back, but the "POSOM" is giving mommy what she wants! What a kick to the [email protected]$. It just sucks that someone would get in the way and try to date a women thats in a S and now a D. I got 90days and the judge drops the gavel. I guess I will stick with the 180 for me It has helped! She noticed a slimer and fit new man at least.


----------



## ReGroup (Dec 6, 2012)

And when you regain your confidence back - she'll notice even more.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## loverher (Dec 3, 2012)

ReGroup said:


> And when you regain your confidence back - she'll notice even more.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I am workin on that. I do fear by that time it will be to late and the D will be done and the POSOM is still around. Still tryin hard!


----------



## ReGroup (Dec 6, 2012)

My man - when you get your confidence and swag back - none of what you just stated above will even matter.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

loverher said:


> Well the 180 is in full effect and had to see the stbxw today for the first time in a week when she droped off my daughters clothes. It was her birthday so I wished her a happy birthday with a smile and she said thank you, then she said you have lost some weight, how much you lost? I told her and then she said I bet you feel good, then I said I feel great! After she left my daughter basicaly told me if it was not for the "POSOM" mommy would be back, but the "POSOM" is giving mommy what she wants! What a kick to the [email protected]$. It just sucks that someone would get in the way and try to date a women thats in a S and now a D. I got 90days and the judge drops the gavel. I guess I will stick with the 180 for me It has helped! She noticed a slimer and fit new man at least.


What a crappy thing to say to your child...to involve them like that. 
Yea..well...your 'not' 'her' plan B. Go buy some new clothes with the trimmer you and get a date.


----------



## loverher (Dec 3, 2012)

Stella Moon said:


> What a crappy thing to say to your child...to involve them like that.
> Yea..well...your 'not' 'her' plan B. Go buy some new clothes with the trimmer you and get a date.


I think you missunderstood stella. I did not say this to my kid she said it to me! I would never involve my kid.


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

loverher said:


> I think you missunderstood stella. I did not say this to my kid she said it to me! I would never involve my kid.


no no no ... well ya.. I misunderstood thinking 'she'...mom had said it to the child...and the child was quoting her...therefore telling you... 

not 'you' saying it...know what i mean?


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

Stella Moon said:


> no no no ... well ya.. I misunderstood thinking 'she'...mom had said it to the child...and the child was quoting her...therefore telling you...
> 
> not 'you' saying it...know what i mean?


meaning: as if your ex said to your child....

"mommy would get back with daddy but she's with so and so and getting what she needs".... 

therefore the child repeated...

that's how I thought I read it


----------



## loverher (Dec 3, 2012)

Stella Moon said:


> meaning: as if your ex said to your child....
> 
> "mommy would get back with daddy but she's with so and so and getting what she needs"....
> 
> ...


Sorry stella, no I believe these are my daughters observations to the situation as she sees them becuase my stbxw has been taking her around this posom. So I have backed out and tried to focus on me and my daughter knowing that I cant change what my stbxw is doing. Thanx...


----------



## loverher (Dec 3, 2012)

BigMac said:


> Those relationships are out of desperation , to live for the moment , today !
> 
> They don't last more then a year if that 1
> 
> ...


Thanks BM, What sucks is that this posom is taking my daughter and stbxw out to eat and bowling showing a good time just kills me! I am still dark and 180.


----------

