# masterbation question



## familygirl (Dec 13, 2013)

My partner masterbates. So do I. He does it because it feels good and I do it because it feels good.

The difference is he masterbates to other women(started this after he moved in with me) and I only think of him when I masterbate. 

What does this mean. Am I more into him than he is to me?


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## long_done (Jun 5, 2014)

It might mean a lot, or not much at all. It really depends, there is no black and white answer.

Now as to how much you masterbate vs how much you make love...is that a healthy ratio? You should try to make love more often and only masterbate when the other is not available or does not want to make love. Otherwise you are going to be leading separate lives soon.

Maybe see a sex therapist to make each other more sexually compatible so you don't have to masterbate as much, and make love to each other instead?


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## familygirl (Dec 13, 2013)

thanks for reply/
We both masterbate in each others absence and have sex about once or twice a week


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## I Don't Know (Oct 8, 2013)

Does he use visual aids to masturbate? It could be that he needs visual stimulation?


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## familygirl (Dec 13, 2013)

I Don't Know said:


> Does he use visual aids to masturbate? It could be that he needs visual stimulation?


Yes he has done internet porn before


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## long_done (Jun 5, 2014)

Some people are more visual, some more audio, etc... he may just have a different learning process, so if that's the case it is no big deal.

But if not, then it might be a big deal. You won't know until you see problems manifest themselves in other behaviors, such as him constantly looking for other women to engage with, etc. Just keep your eyes and ears open for a while and go with your gut if anything is wrong.


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## familygirl (Dec 13, 2013)

long_done said:


> Some people are more visual, some more audio, etc... he may just have a different learning process, so if that's the case it is no big deal.
> 
> But if not, then it might be a big deal. You won't know until you see problems manifest themselves in other behaviors, such as him constantly looking for other women to engage with, etc. Just keep your eyes and ears open for a while and go with your gut if anything is wrong.


He has acted strange around other women - in a nervous kind of way- he also says he is shy and has the tendancy to lie when he has had conversations to other women(like the conversations didnt happen) and lifts home from work with females.a When a lie exposed he would say he is scared of my reaction.

I am aware of his behaviors and he proclaims they are innocent.
I am keeping a watchful eye on him:lol:


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## I Notice The Details (Sep 15, 2012)

I have hundreds of sexy digital pictures of my wife that we have taken over the years. When I need something visual....I grab a folder with my favorite pics of her. She loves that I do this...and I think of her while I polish the stallion.

Does he have any erotic pictures of you? Could you take some? 

It works in our house. Just my two cents.


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## sparkyjim (Sep 22, 2012)

I Notice The Details said:


> polish the stallion.


??? never heard that one before....

I have pictures of my wife also. They can be handy when we are not together. Usually that means when I am away on business.


I would suggest that you make a conscious effort to save the urges and try to have sex more often. I think you both could try that. 

But to answer your question - it does not mean that you are more into him than he is into you. Men and women have different needs, emotionally and physically. But if either one's masturbation is affecting the quality of what you share together then I think you should consider what I said. I think you will find that your frequency of sex together will go up.


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## over20 (Nov 15, 2013)

I know this must be tough. You sound very wise as you want to learn about his sexuality. I think you are doing a great job by keeping communication open and not shaming him. Maybe if the two of you could have more sex, he and you would masturbate less. IDK Nevertheless, you sound very compassionate towards him. 

Remember also, men and women are wired soooo differently when it comes to our sexuality. I would suggest to read up about how men view sex and masturbation. 

Good Luck!


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## BostonBruins32 (Nov 2, 2013)

Viewing porn actors when snapping your carrot is not as much of an emotional experience as it may be for women. 

Personally, its something I turn off and turn on. The women on there dont create any emotional connection. what I watch has no bearing on how attractive I find my wife. My guess is most guys (if you were able to get enough truth serum in them) would admit they wish thier wife/gf would do XYZ acts that they've seen in dirty videos, but for most men its really no big deal. 

if you are having sex with any level of regularity, then masturbation to smut women should be considered a non issue.

and kudos to the guy's idea about his wife giving him sexy photos of herself. That is a good option too.


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## Married_in_michigan (Apr 9, 2014)

masturbation within a marriage is healthy when it is a supplement to a healthy sex life and not so healthy is it is used as a replacement for actual sex (in my opinion). I also agree with BostonBruins32 regarding the porn aspect of masturbation.


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## Visexual (Nov 8, 2008)

My wife and I have talked about this and have decided that men and women are just different when in comes to fantasy and masturbation.

Men are, on the average, more visually stimulated than women. So, having a mental image of a particular female does help. Like a couple of folks here said, I have some photos of my wife from over the years that I do enjoy looking at. OK, yes, it's thinking about a younger woman when I see them but it's also remembering how wonderful that younger woman was because I had her! LOL!

But I also have, many times, had a mental image of other women we know too. And, no, I'd have no problem if she said she had thought of other men we know, in fact, I think it would be hot to know that.

Have you two ever masturbated together? We have, several times and it was pretty hot. Now it's a way to be thinking of each other while enjoying self-pleasuring.

I remember each of us making videos for each other once too. And, knowing I was taping my session for her sure made me think of her while I was doing it.

OK, all of these memories have made me want to go to my private thumb drive and watch that wife of mine when she was young and masturbate!


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