# Fiance making me choose between him or my job!?



## Elsie (Jan 6, 2013)

My fiance and I have very recently got engaged after dating for 2yrs, He travels the US & Europe alot for his job, which at first wasn't a problem for me. Sometimes we wouldn't see each other for a month at a time. If we did have time together when he wasn't touring & i had to go to work he would get aggravated because he wants alone time together, He always begged me to quit my job and be with him full time as he can provide for us both. Im a professional Ballet dancer but i'm a GoGo Dancer on the side for extra money & I love my job, I've been dancing since i was 2. My fiance was always very vocal on how much he doesn't like that i GoGo dance but supported me anyway but constantly tells me how much he hates knowing that men watch me etc. We are happy together and i love him so much but we seem to argue alot about this which ruins the minimum time we have together. 

We had an agreement when we started dating that he would never come by my job when im working because he said he couldn't deal with it but last week the night before we was due back on the road and without telling me first, he came by my job, This was the 1st time he'd seen me perform and when i went to him he was so angry with me asking why i enjoy the attention of other -(in his words) perverts getting a 'hard on'- it got very heated and he yelled that my job is the reason we cant be around each other & that he supports me being a dancer just not that kind, He said he wishes he never laid eyes on me, which really hurt me i started to cry, In a rage he punched the wall beside me which scared me but he said that he was sorry and that he crossed the line he just can't deal with it and that i have to figure out what i want more, The job or him and then walked out. He is coming home tomorrow and im strongly thinking about quiting my job but my friend thinks he is manipulating me and is being too possessive. I understand were he is coming from but i honestly do love my job, its a fun outlet for me and i feel torn, Should i stand my ground with my job or am i letting it get in the way of what could be something great? Advice please?


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Most men don't want a go go dancer for their wife.

Give up the job. It ain't worth it.


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## MrsOldNews (Feb 22, 2012)

Didn't you ask this question in this exact forum before? Are you rephrasing your question in hopes if getting different answers???


The answer is most men don't want their wife in that line of work. 

Your options are dump your job or him.
He's not going to change his morals and values and you obviously don't want to stop go go dancing.


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

Your friend is not helping you. Your husband is being the opposite of manipulative. He is directly telling you what he will and will not accept. Now it's up to you to decide if 'go-go' dancing (I'm assuming you mean cage or pole dancing here) is important enough to you to reject a man who has a normal aversion to his wife dancing so that other men can get off.


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

As a man I'd date a go-go dancer. Your sisters who offer 'after hour services' means I probably won't consider marrying one, not if she kept working.

Essentially you are telling him that the money and/or thrill of freedom you get from dancing/stripping whatever is more important than a forever with him, much less a NOW with him.

I travel overseas a lot too. My wife took most of my time in country off and told her boss to shove it. She asked if she could work extra hours because this is OUR time AFTER I arrived. Your job seems to get in the way of together time. That thrill of being oogled seems to trump the thrill of seeing him.

Think hard about that.


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## bfree (Sep 30, 2012)

Wasn't this question posted a month ago but instead of go-go dancing it was burlesque? Same answer. If he doesn't want to marry an exotic dancer then you have to choose him or your job. Everything else is simply white noise.

If this is the same OP maybe this time you won't delete your thread and take the advice you receive here to heart.


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## Emerald (Aug 2, 2012)

I remember a similar post & some people focused on his anger punching walls behavior.

If you truly loved this man & he is offering to support you financially, you would have already quit.

You love the attention you get from dancing for horny men. Admit it.


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## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

This question was posted a month ago. I think it might be the same poster with a different account. Maybe her first account was shut down by the mods.

Please if you're a troll, stop trolling .

If you aren't a troll then stop duplicating threads. 

You already know the asnwers to your question. If you can't give up from your career then break up from him. It's perfectly understandable why he doesn't accept this job. 
In your first thread you said you are are burlesque dancer which is WAYYYYYYYYY different from a ballet dancer. 
Being a burlesque dancer means you dance half nude so no man who wants a normal marriage would accept this.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Continuing to be a "go go dancer" would be a deal breaker for me, and for every decent guy I would think. There ARE men who like to profit from these types of activities that some women do, but I don't think you want to go there.


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## Dad&Hubby (Aug 14, 2012)

So basically, you're a stripper and your fiance is saying you choose to be a stripper or you choose to be with me.

Hmmmm, that's a tough one......


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Dad&Hubby said:


> So basically, you're a stripper and your fiance is saying you choose to be a stripper or you choose to be with me.
> 
> Hmmmm, that's a tough one......


Don't forget to add that he makes enough money to support them without her working. So the only reason she continues to be a stripper is that she enjoys the attention she gets from strange men when she strips for them.


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

Elsie,

Use the old switch - a roo here....

What if he was a male dancer at a ladies club? Would you want all sorts of hot girls stuffing dollars into HIS G-String? I personally know I wouldn't want every Tom, D!ck (lol) and Harry touchy mY wife.

Men will date a Go-Go dancer but won't marry them

It's all your choice


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

WorkingOnMe said:


> Continuing to be a "go go dancer" would be a deal breaker for me, and for every decent guy I would think. There ARE men who like to profit from these types of activities that some women do, but I don't think you want to go there.


Yeah, I think they call those guys "pimps"


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

I don't understand... she's a professional ballet dancer. Doesn't that take up more time than being a "GoGo Dancer on the side"? 

it really doesn't matter whether or not she quits the go go dancing job... her ballet work will take up much more time anyway.

So is it a time issue with him or the sleazy aspect of the go go dancing.

Between that question, him punching the wall and her dancing, assuming she's not a troll, I vote for them splitting up.


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## KanDo (Jun 15, 2011)

You should dump him. No woman who feels torn by this decision should be in a steady relationship of any kind!

JMHO


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## Vega (Jan 8, 2013)

Elsie,

If you were (go-go) dancing when your fiance first met you, and now that you're engaged he wants you to give it up, I'd say that he was being terribly unfair to you. 

People aren't supposed to 'change' once they become engaged. If he doesn't love you for who you are, and accept what you do NOW, what's he going to ask you to give up after you're married? 

In all honesty, I don't think that YOU should have to make this decision. I think it's on HIM. After all, he KNEW what you did for a living when he first met you. HE decided to 'get involved' anyway. Did he do so with the belief that he could convince you to 'give it up' once you two became more serious? 

And please don't buy into the "If you loved me you would..." line of b.s. That, in itself, is manipulative and controlling! If you give in to his demands NOW, I can almost guarantee that this won't be the LAST time he tries to manipulate and control you...

Another red-flag is that he punched a wall. And he BROKE an agreement that the two of you had (that he wouldn't come by where you work)...

Elsie, I'm seeing too many red-flags here for your marriage to e happy, and I agree with the peeps here who are suggesting that you throw that 'fish' back in the ocean!

Vega


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## *LittleDeer* (Apr 19, 2012)

I disagree with Vega. Dating is for getting to know someone. 

He has learnt that he can't live with your stripping and you need to make a choice.

This is fair enough, as I wouldn't want to be with someone who needed sexual approval from the multitudes either.

That's not healthy.


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## Tigger (Dec 5, 2007)

Maybe that is how women should handle their mates wanking to porn and they don't like it. Scream and have a fit and punch holes in the wall. 

Love the double standards men have for women.


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## Hortensia (Feb 1, 2013)

Give up the job. You can go-go dance all you want for your husband. Keep your costumes and set a spare room ( or a corner in the bedroom if there is no extra room available) as your private dance club. Put some mirrors, install a pole, use a disco ball or xmas lights to create a fake stage...you can keep doing what you love,with him as the only " audience". All men love to watch this, but rarely want a performer as.a wife.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## NewThingsGetOld (Jan 11, 2013)

being a gogo dancer > dating an abusive jerk.

his punching walls is a red flag.

plus he knew when he met you that you worked there!


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## NewThingsGetOld (Jan 11, 2013)

Tigger said:


> Maybe that is how women should handle their mates wanking to porn and they don't like it. Scream and have a fit and punch holes in the wall.
> 
> Love the double standards men have for women.


:iagree:


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## Starstarfish (Apr 19, 2012)

> Don't forget to add that he makes enough money to support them without her working.


And yet in many threads, male (and sometimes other female posters) will label a non-working spouse as "not contributing anything to the marriage" and warn that they could be SOL in case of a break up. So - aside from people's knee-jerk reaction about the line of work - having that inherent trust that he'll always be making that kind of money, and they'll always be together is kind of naive. 

Read the other thread about a man who offered to "take care of everything" - then proceeded to not give the wife access to any of the accounts, because it was HIS money, and at least one poster is cheering him on because she isn't working.


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## StargateFan (Nov 19, 2012)

I have not known any strippers personally, only professionally, but from what I have seen others post about them I suggest you work on your Daddy issues before you consider getting married.

I remember a episode of the Sopranos where a stripper at Bada Bing was trying to get friendly with Tony. He has to set her straight. There are two kinds of women, those you marry and those you mess around with. She was the latter. 

Have fun and when you grow up and want a real relationship get one. You cannot have a real marriage and be a sex worker.


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## ShawnD (Apr 2, 2012)

OP's man sounds like a ****. Dancing is her passion and he's telling her to stop doing what makes her happy. Tell him to go suck it. Get a rebound boyfriend IMMEDIATELY just to emphasize how highly valued you are. Don't initiate any contact with your current man. If he wants to talk or text, go along with it, but emphasize how nice things are going and how emotionally supported you feel now that someone respects your career choices.

The rebound guy will probably suck, so he's just temporary for the sake of making a point.


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## Goldmember357 (Jan 31, 2012)

Most men would not want a go go dancer as a wife and the men who would. Are very liberal about their wives

Id advice you to leave your job if he means that much to you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Goldmember357 (Jan 31, 2012)

*LittleDeer* said:


> I disagree with Vega. Dating is for getting to know someone.
> 
> He has learnt that he can't live with your stripping and you need to make a choice.
> 
> ...


this and the porn issue people are bringing up is a little different.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MrK (Sep 2, 2010)

He's made it clear he doesn't want a sex worker for a wife. It's up to you now.


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