# Include God in Your Marriage



## Riverside MFT

*What does it mean to include God in your marriage?*

Throughout my years as a marriage counselor, I have noticed that when people include God in their relationship that they are generally happier both individually and within their marriage. I wanted to share a few thoughts about what it means to me to include God in your relationship.

*Faith in God.* This is the first step. You are not going to be able to include God into your relationship until you believe in him. God wants you to be happy in your marriage. He also wants your spouse to be happy in the marriage as well. Believe that this is true. Have faith in God that he will inspire you to do what is necessary in order to have a happy and fulfilling marriage.

*Pray to Him.* Pray to God for patience and determination to make your marriage work. You can ask Him for help with any aspect of your marriage. Do you need help in your communication? Do you need help in loving your spouse? Pray to God, he will help you and your marriage. Do not pray to change your spouse, but pray for the ability to recognize and change yourself. Pray to Him for your spouse’s needs.

*Act as God would want you to act.* You are married to a son or daughter of God (whether they act like a child of God or not). When my children get married, I want their spouses to treat them with the utmost respect. I want them to be valued and to be treated as the son or daughter of a Great King, because they are. God wants you to respect your spouse. He wants you to value them, and their thoughts, and their feelings.

*Demonstrate Repentance.* Recognizing when you have hurt or offended your spouse is an important aspect of healthy marriages. There are times when we intentionally try to make them feel bad and other times when we innocently hurt or offend our spouse. Apologizing to our spouse (and to God for the way we treated His son or daughter) can be an excellent way to include God in your relationship and can help with the healing of offenses.

*Be Forgiving.* As important as it is to apologize to our spouse for any wrongdoing, it is equally (if not more important) to be forgiving of our spouse when they have offended us. Get rid of those feelings of anger or revenge that you may have towards your spouse. Look for the good in them instead of dwelling on their faults. Let God be the judge of your spouse’s behaviors.

Originally posted at God in Marriage


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## MiriRose

Thank you so much for this post -- what an encouragement!


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## bethshek

Include God in Marriage is the most important thing in relatioship. God is the author of relationship and when the relationship between two person was destroyed because of the plan of the enemy, God made a way to fix the broken pieces and made it a new creation and enjoy life to what God destined us to be.


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## Mr Blunt

> *By Riverside*
> Be Forgiving. As important as it is to apologize to our spouse for any wrongdoing, it is equally (if not more important) to be forgiving of our spouse when they have offended us. Get rid of those feelings of anger or revenge that you may have towards your spouse. Look for the good in them instead of dwelling on their faults. Let God be the judge of your spouse’s behaviors


You cannot be in a marriage for the long haul without being faced with accepting or rejecting forgiveness. All kinds of circumstances are presented that make it really really tough to forgive. The offender not being sorry and the human emotions are just a few road blocks that make it so tough to truly forgive.

Actually I do not think it is possible to forgive some offenses with out God’s help.* However, you do have a part in that you can use your free will choice and faith*. One example is that you can believe God when He says that He will forgive you if you forgive others. Another is that you can choose to believe that God will bless you when you seek His ways and obey Him. 

*Matthew 6:14*“
For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.

*Galatians 5*22 
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law


*Hebrews 11:6*
But without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is, and that He is a *rewarder* of those who diligently seek Him.

*Sometimes it boils down to trust and obey.*


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## 2ntnuf

Quote: Hebrews 11:6
But without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him.


This is what is so hard for me. Apparently, I have never believed enough for Him. Sorry, that is not true. I have believed in Him since I can remember. I have prayed, thanked and worshipped Him. 

I wait for His reply.


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## that_girl

I don't do any of the Christian god stuff.

But we follow most of that. We're doin alright.


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## Mr Blunt

> *By 2ntnuf*
> Quote: Hebrews 11:6
> But without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him.
> 
> 
> This is what is so hard for me. Apparently, I have never believed enough for Him. Sorry, that is not true. I have believed in Him since I can remember. I have prayed, thanked and worshipped Him.
> 
> I wait for His reply.


Abraham waited 100 years before God rewarded him with his son Isaac.
How long are you willing to wait?

Joseph was put in prison for years for refusing to sin against God. God eventually rewarded Joseph with making his the second highest official in all of Egypt and Joseph saved his whole family from starvation. Joseph had a blessed life for his last 60 years of life. Have you suffered more than Joseph?

What does “Diligently” seeking God mean to you?

Of course if you think that the Bible is just a fairy tale then none of the above will mean anything to you.

You seem like a person that is holding on to your faith by a thread. I have been in that position before so I would like to encourage you to hold on.



> “I have believed in Him since I can remember. I have prayed, thanked and worshipped Him.”



You will suffer; you will be tested, because *you are a child of God. *This too shall pass


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## 2ntnuf

Mr Blunt said:


> Abraham waited 100 years before God rewarded him with his son Isaac.
> How long are you willing to wait?
> 
> Joseph was put in prison for years for refusing to sin against God. God eventually rewarded Joseph with making his the second highest official in all of Egypt and Joseph saved his whole family from starvation. Joseph had a blessed life for his last 60 years of life. Have you suffered more than Joseph?
> 
> What does “Diligently” seeking God mean to you?
> 
> *Of course if you think that the Bible is just a fairy tale then none of the above will mean anything to you.*
> 
> I do not.
> 
> 
> *You seem like a person that is holding on to your faith by a thread. I have been in that position before so I would like to encourage you to hold on.*
> 
> I am only holding by a thread. It's not that I do not believe He is there. I am starting to believe He will not help, ever. I am trying my best to hold on.
> 
> 
> 
> *You will suffer; you will be tested, because you are a child of God. This too shall pass *


*
*

Patience is a virtue. I struggle with that virtue.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Not just in your marriage, but in all your relationships.
Remember, marriage starts as something that is not marriage.
So for single people, including God in relationships is a good habit, however God manifests in your beliefs.


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## Mr Blunt

> Nothing has changed my mind. There is no real living without her.



I have no doubt that you are in great pain. However, one person should not be your whole world. *You have a body, mind, and spirit and one person should not control all three to the degree that you give up on life.*

My brother’s wife dropped dead at target from a heart attack at age 58. They have been married since 18 years of age and have two children. My brother’s only daughter was court ordered into lock-down drug treatment one week after his wife died. Was he hurt? He was in great pain. Even though his wife was loved by all as she was a very kind and helpful person, my brother did not put his whole soul and whole being into one person. 

My brother is now remarried and his daughter just graduated from college last May. He had a terrible 8 years but it did not take his whole life from him. That is not harsh that just shows that he had enough strength to endure a terrible life experience and still find some joy in life even if he did have to wait 8 years.


I do not want to minimize your pain but it is not healthy to put your whole body, mind, and soul into one person. Our Vice president, Joe Biden lost his wife and children when he was in his youth (30s) and he has recovered to a degree that he has contributed to his own life and to others.

I do not know your situation but it is probably not worse than Joe Biden losing his spouse and children. *Do you have someone, a family member, a friend, a professional, a brother or sister in yoru faith that can help you?*


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## Gaia

Riverside, although I have different beliefs then most here I do find your advice helpful. Being able to forgive ones spouse is important but so is being able to forgive ones self. For those of us who dont believe in the same thing you do, your advice is still very helpful. Thank you for the post. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 2ntnuf

Gaia said:


> Riverside, although I have different beliefs then most here I do find your advice helpful. Being able to forgive ones spouse is important but so is being able to forgive ones self. For those of us who dont believe in the same thing you do, your advice is still very helpful. Thank you for the post.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Sorry, Gaia, I don't even know what I am supposed to forgive. I do not know what she did or did not do. I know some of what I did. I know some of what I am accused of doing. I know what I remember. I probably have forgotten some things. Some of the things which I was accused of doing never happened. Unfortunately, I was not strong enough to deny them.


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## ShawnD

Riverside MFT said:


> Faith in God. This is the first step. You are not going to be able to include God into your relationship until you believe in him. *God wants you to be happy in your marriage. He also wants your spouse to be happy in the marriage as well*. Believe that this is true. Have faith in God that he will inspire you to do what is necessary in order to have a happy and fulfilling marriage.


Why are you assuming this? Historically, marriage was never about happiness or love. It was a business contract. The culture described in the bible is actually very similar to the modern day Middle East or India. Men and women would get married without knowing much about each other, and women were completely cut out of the process. If daddy says you're marrying guy X, that's the way it is. The biblical way to resolve marriage problems was for women to stay quiet and not say anything.


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## 2ntnuf

ShawnD said:


> Why are you assuming this? Historically, marriage was never about happiness or love. It was a business contract. The culture described in the bible is actually very similar to the modern day Middle East or India. Men and women would get married without knowing much about each other, and women were completely cut out of the process. If daddy says you're marrying guy X, that's the way it is. *The biblical way to resolve marriage problems was for women to stay quiet and not say anything.*


Sorry, this just doesn't ring true if you understand what the Bible is trying to convey.

While in many marriages of old and I would assume many even today, a union was/is determined by the parents according to many factors, this is not the ideal situation. It is a shame so many have to endure such a union. 

All things being considered, there is no such thing as love. If this is true, what is God?


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## ShawnD

2ntnuf said:


> Sorry, this just doesn't ring true if you understand what the Bible is trying to convey.


Are we reading the same bible?

Women are made to serve men, and it's not a two way street:


> "But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God."
> (I Corinthians 11:3)
> 
> "For the man is not of the woman; but the woman of the man. Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man."
> (I Corinthians 11:8-9)


If some people want to gang rape a man you don't know, you should suggest they gang rape your daughter instead. She's just a woman, and women are slaves to men anyway:


> "Behold, here is my daughter a maiden, and his concubine; them I will bring out now, and humble ye them, and do with them what seemeth good unto you: but unto this man do not so vile a thing. But the men would not hearken to him: so the man took his concubine, and brought her forth unto them; and they knew her, and abused her all the night until the morning: and when the day began to spring, they let her go."
> (Judges 19:24-25)


Women are retarded, so don't let them teach anything or say stuff:


> "Let the women learn in silence with all subjection. But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence. For Adam was first formed, then Eve. And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in the transgression."
> (I Timothy 2:11-14)


What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes? Nothing. She was already told twice.


> "Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything."
> (Ephesians 5:22-24)


Damn it, woman. We all get slightly dumber when you say stuff, so just don't say anything!


> "Let your women keep silence in the churches: for it is not permitted unto them to speak; but they are commanded to be under obedience, as also saith the law. And if they will learn any thing, let them ask their husbands at home: for it is a shame for women to speak in the church."
> (I Corinthians 14:34-35)



The bible makes it pretty clear that you don't need to show any respect for women.


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## 2ntnuf

ShawnD said:


> Are we reading the same bible?
> 
> Women are made to serve men, and it's not a two way street:
> 
> 
> If some people want to gang rape a man you don't know, you should suggest they gang rape your daughter instead. She's just a woman, and women are slaves to men anyway:
> 
> 
> Women are retarded, so don't let them teach anything or say stuff:
> 
> 
> What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes? Nothing. She was already told twice.
> 
> 
> Damn it, woman. We all get slightly dumber when you say stuff, so just don't say anything!
> 
> 
> 
> The bible makes it pretty clear that you don't need to show any respect for women.


Sorry, we're going to have to agree to disagree. You need to have someone help you think about what you are typing. Well, I guess you need to work on your thoughts first. I can't help you with that. I never gave a woman two black eyes. I never gave anyone two black eyes for that matter. I think you are on the wrong thread.

I can see how you came to those conclusions. You did not read and interpret the full text properly.


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## Maricha75

To ShawnD: How do you explain this part in the Bible, if women are not to be respected?

A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.
Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.
She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life.
She selects wool and flax
and works with eager hands.
She is like the merchant ships,
bringing her food from afar.
She gets up while it is still night;
she provides food for her family
and portions for her female servants.
She considers a field and buys it;
out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
She sets about her work vigorously;
her arms are strong for her tasks.
She sees that her trading is profitable,
and her lamp does not go out at night.
In her hand she holds the distaff
and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
She opens her arms to the poor
and extends her hands to the needy.
When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
She makes coverings for her bed;
she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
Her husband is respected at the city gate,
where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
She makes linen garments and sells them,
and supplies the merchants with sashes.
She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come.
She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:
“Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all.”
Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
Honor her for all that her hands have done,
and let her works bring her praise at the city gate. Proverbs 31: 10-31


Seems to me that women were, and are, more than just a piece of flesh for the man to do with as he pleased. God gave us brains and expected/expects us to use them.


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## Weathered

ShawnD said:


> Are we reading the same bible?
> 
> Women are made to serve men, and it's not a two way street:
> 
> 
> If some people want to gang rape a man you don't know, you should suggest they gang rape your daughter instead. She's just a woman, and women are slaves to men anyway:
> 
> 
> Women are retarded, so don't let them teach anything or say stuff:
> 
> 
> What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes? Nothing. She was already told twice.
> 
> 
> Damn it, woman. We all get slightly dumber when you say stuff, so just don't say anything!
> 
> 
> 
> The bible makes it pretty clear that you don't need to show any respect for women.


If this is some lame cynical attempt at twisting the words of the Bible to try to convey it as farcical and denigrating to women, then you're only fooling yourself.

If however you are serious about what you're typing here, then God help you.


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## Mr Blunt

> Shawn D
> 
> The Bible does not hide any realities. It tells it like it is.
> *Because some men in the bible were twisted you attribute the Bible and God to the free will choices on twisted men.*
> You take out of the Bible certain verses and then you feed your bias. You seem very bitter towards the bible but you are no expert on the scriptures.
> 
> I am no expert either but it is easy to counter some of your statements below with the very bible you quote.





> *Quotes of Shawn D*
> Women are retarded, so don't let them teach anything or say stuff:
> 
> Damn it, woman. We all get slightly dumber when you say stuff, so just don't say anything!




*Judges 4:4*
4 And Deborah, a prophetess, the wife of Lapidoth, she judged Israel at that time.
5 And she dwelt under the palm tree of Deborah between Ramah and Bethel in mount Ephraim: and the children of Israel came up to her for judgment.
*Shawn says that the Bible does not let women teach or stay stuff? WRONG!
Deborah judged all Israel!!!*




> *Esther 4*15
> Then Esther sent this reply to Mordecai: 16 “Go and gather together all the Jews of Susa and fast for me. Do not eat or drink for three days, night or day. My maids and I will do the same. And then, though it is against the law, I will go in to see the king. If I must die, I must die.” 17 So Mordecai went away and did everything as Esther had ordered him.


Mordecai took Ester in to raise her when she was a child. Mordecai was her adopted father yet he “did everything that Esther ordered him”

*Shawn, since you like to quote scriptures why did you not quote this one?*




> *Esther 5*
> On the third day of the fast, Esther put on her royal robes and entered the inner court of the palace, just across from the king’s hall. The king was sitting on his royal throne, facing the entrance. 2 When he saw Queen Esther standing there in the inner court, he welcomed her and held out the gold scepter to her. So Esther approached and touched the end of the scepter.
> 3 Then the king asked her, “What do you want, Queen Esther? What is your request? I will give it to you, even if it is half the kingdom!”


*Shawn ever heard of Queen Esther!!!!*



*Acts 18*:24 
And a certain Jew named Apollos, born at Alexandria, an eloquent man, and mighty in the scriptures, came to Ephesus.
25 This man was instructed in the way of the Lord; and being fervent in the spirit, he spake and taught diligently the things of the Lord, knowing only the baptism of John.
26 And he began to speak boldly in the synagogue: whom when Aquila and *Priscilla* had heard, they took him unto them, and expounded unto him the way of God more perfectly

Priscilla helped to expound to the eloquent and mighty man Apollo’s the way of God more perfectly


> *Quote of Shawn*
> Damn it, woman. We all get slightly dumber when you say stuff


*Priscilla helped to explain things to the eloquent man Apollo! Woman dumb? Shawn=wrong*


Ephesians 5 
King James Version (KJV)

21 Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God.
22 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
23 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.
24 Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.
25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;


Christ so valued the church that He gave His life for the Church then proved that women are so very valuable and taught that men should give their lives for their wives.

Shawn, either you are not very versed in the Bible or you are versed and want to give just one side of scriptures to satisfy your attitude.

I am not even a member of any church and I know I am no expert about the scriptures but it was easy to get scriptures that so countered your attempt at portraying the Bible in a way that you want.


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## RandomDude

What are your views on including God in one's marriage if one spouse in particular is not Christian?


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## 2ntnuf

This is the apostle Paul giving his interpretation. You can find it in the New Testament of the King James version of the Bible.


1Corinthians 7

12 But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away.

13 And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him.

14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy.

15 But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace.

16 For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save thy husband? or how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save thy wife?


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## RandomDude

WHY THE FK WASN'T THIS TAUGHT AT HER BIBLE COLLEGE?!??!?!?!! FK
Sorry... but that just made me explode right there and then... SH-t!!!
Sheez... thanks for that 2ntnuf, you've just stopped me from having a vendetta against all christianity, I'm borderline atm after my STBX's revelation.

These are good principles and it's unfortunate few understand it it seems.
Thanks again btw, it's given me some peace from my vengeful nature


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## 2ntnuf

You are welcome and good luck to you both.


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## 2ntnuf

From the Merriam-Webster online dictionary:

char·i·ty noun \ˈcher-ə-tē, ˈcha-rə-\
plural char·i·ties

Definition of CHARITY

1
: benevolent goodwill toward or love of humanity
2
a : generosity and helpfulness especially toward the needy or suffering; also : aid given to those in need
b : an institution engaged in relief of the poor
c : public provision for the relief of the needy
3
a : a gift for public benevolent purposes
b : an institution (as a hospital) founded by such a gift
4
: lenient judgment of others


My King James version uses the word _love_ instead of charity.

I found this on line version.



>>	
Viewing the Standard King James Version (Pure Cambridge). 


1 Corinthians Chapter 13

1 Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not charity, I am become as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal.

2 And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries, and all knowledge; and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have not charity, I am nothing.

3 And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, and have not charity, it profiteth me nothing.

4 Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up,

5 Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil;

6 Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth;

7 Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.

8 Charity never faileth: but whether there be prophecies, they shall fail; whether there be tongues, they shall cease; whether there be knowledge, it shall vanish away.

9 For we know in part, and we prophesy in part.

10 But when that which is perfect is come, then that which is in part shall be done away.

11 When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.

12 For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known.

13 And now abideth faith, hope, charity, these three; but the greatest of these is charity.


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## RandomDude

My STBX always preached since bible college but never understood what the f--k she was talking about, not her nor her particular church (which is undergoing alot of negative PR THANKFULLY - I want them out of the business, and hell they treat it like a business, biggest church in Sydney)

All this quotes reminds me of the woman my STBX used to be... *sigh*


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## 2ntnuf

It explains what love or charity is. How it is expressed and that it is the most important of the three(faith, hope, love).


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## Mr Blunt

By Random Dude
WHY THE FK WASN'T THIS TAUGHT AT HER BIBLE COLLEGE?!??!?!?!! FK


She ignored it at Bible College or the Bible College is a fake Bible College.

She did not have to go to Bible College to know that scripture; that scripture is mentioned in just about every Bible study on marriage. 


*If someone is really interested, then Bible scriptures on marriage are very easy to find. 
Finding is not the problem, the heart is!*


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## 2ntnuf

kamal11 said:


> God always helps people in their relationship. So believe on god and include god in your relationship is the best thing because every relationship goes with the blessing of god so god is always great.


I do not believe this. I used to believe this. He has a higher purpose. We cannot know what He is thinking. We cannot know why He does what He does. We are called to have faith. Faith doesn't question. Faith moves us forward against all odds.

Yeah, it sounds easy. It isn't; not in the least bit.


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## LemiLekySama

faith in marriage is extremely hard in an interfaith relationship.


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## 2ntnuf

If you read the passage I quoted, you will see that the couple is dedicated{inferred) to the Christian faith for their children's religious beliefs. Otherwise, it would not have been possible.


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## RandomDude

Thanks to the posts here I now bear no hate towards Christianity

But I have to say... I agree that my STBX's "bible college" was a cult, in fact the whole church she was at has negative PR because they are like a cult, materialistic and intolerant. Our daughter is too young to understand this but once she gets older I'm not allowing my STBX to take her to THAT church anymore.


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## 2ntnuf

Your welcome. You learned something very valuable. Not all churches are the same no matter what religion. You have to pick and choose. Know what you want and do what you believe. The bible is the source for Christianity. If the church follows the bible, you can't be too far off. Best wishes to you, your daughter and your spouse, whatever happens. Be well.


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## 2ntnuf

Psalms Chapter 71

>>	
Viewing the Standard King James Version (Pure Cambridge). 


1 In thee, O LORD, do I put my trust: let me never be put to confusion.

2 Deliver me in thy righteousness, and cause me to escape: incline thine ear unto me, and save me.

3 Be thou my strong habitation, whereunto I may continually resort: thou hast given commandment to save me; for thou art my rock and my fortress.

4 Deliver me, O my God, out of the hand of the wicked, out of the hand of the unrighteous and cruel man.

5 For thou art my hope, O Lord GOD: thou art my trust from my youth.

6 By thee have I been holden up from the womb: thou art he that took me out of my mother's bowels: my praise shall be continually of thee.

7 I am as a wonder unto many; but thou art my strong refuge.

8 Let my mouth be filled with thy praise and with thy honour all the day.

9 Cast me not off in the time of old age; forsake me not when my strength faileth.

10 For mine enemies speak against me; and they that lay wait for my soul take counsel together,

11 Saying, God hath forsaken him: persecute and take him; for there is none to deliver him.

12 O God, be not far from me: O my God, make haste for my help.

13 Let them be confounded and consumed that are adversaries to my soul; let them be covered with reproach and dishonour that seek my hurt.

14 But I will hope continually, and will yet praise thee more and more.

15 My mouth shall shew forth thy righteousness and thy salvation all the day; for I know not the numbers thereof.

16 I will go in the strength of the Lord GOD: I will make mention of thy righteousness, even of thine only.

17 O God, thou hast taught me from my youth: and hitherto have I declared thy wondrous works.

18 Now also when I am old and grayheaded, O God, forsake me not; until I have shewed thy strength unto this generation, and thy power to every one that is to come.

19 Thy righteousness also, O God, is very high, who hast done great things: O God, who is like unto thee!

20 Thou, which hast shewed me great and sore troubles, shalt quicken me again, and shalt bring me up again from the depths of the earth.

21 Thou shalt increase my greatness, and comfort me on every side.

22 I will also praise thee with the psaltery, even thy truth, O my God: unto thee will I sing with the harp, O thou Holy One of Israel.

23 My lips shall greatly rejoice when I sing unto thee; and my soul, which thou hast redeemed.

24 My tongue also shall talk of thy righteousness all the day long: for they are confounded, for they are brought unto shame, that seek my hurt.


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## oncehisangel

Ephesians 5.25

no problems then me thinks. 

aaaannnd


1 Corinthians 13. 4-7


Gods way still works brilliantly


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## 2ntnuf

Today I awoke from slumber deep
In surly mood so dark
When golden dreams I try to keep
My soul betrays their spark

Indeed I am alike no other
No mere mortal man can see
The love I have for my brother
Can turn and strike at me

For His sake I will make my stand
And still my aching heart
Waiting for Thy gentle hand
I fail nearly every start

By moonlit night I lie awake
From accursed thoughts so many
I rise from bed to stalk a ghost
That does not wait on any

She whispers softly in my ear
While I turn my thoughts away
Considering not the words I hear
For I must deign to stay


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## fsna.hartley

Including God in our marriage is about understanding our respective roles. When we understand our roles, it is easier to compromise each other. 

Including God in Marriage, means He is above everything in our lives. Hierarchy should be God as the Head of the Family, Husband should be the leader and wife is the helper.

Ideally, in everything we do God should be our first priority above all else.


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## RandomDude

Just an update btw 2ntnuf, I discussed this with my wife briefly today - specifically 1 corinthians 7:14, and although she believes in it, she mentioned that the reason she wants me to believe is so we're on the same page and that she's paranoid of what happened 5 years ago - that was the time when our 2 yr honeymoon ended (religious issues). She admits to have manipulated the word to her benefit, and seems repentant about it, as well as a tad annoyed I brought it up. 

What can I do to help us bridge our religious issues without conflicting with her views and beliefs? Thanks again for this regardless


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## 2ntnuf

RD, no one likes when we call their bluff, so to speak. I am not sure where to find the answer to this in the bible. I will have to research a bit and come back to this.

On the other hand, I think you both should understand enough about each other's religions that neither one of you feels "threatened". I think you and your wife must pick how to raise your daughter and do your best to stick to that plan. As you both grow in knowledge and experience, you may want to alter that plan. If you keep on top of each other's beliefs, it will be made easier to handle. Therefore, easier on your daughter. I know she is precious to both of you.


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## RandomDude

True, it does get complicated sometimes though especially when she claims/seems to come from a position of love at times in terms of our religious/cultural differences - which is another issue either than the threats/fears. For example, she thinks it's too harsh that men in my family (who are very traditional, even compared to others of my people) have stickups about submission. But I think it's a good thing, I don't think men should be on their knees but that's just cultural differences. I also didn't kneel when it came to our engagement.

We're strangely more in agreement in parenting than we are as a couple


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## 2ntnuf

Yeah, the kneeling to propose to my wife has come to mind quite a bit for me. I have thought that was wrong. I was raised in a fairly religious family. There was quite a bit of kneeling at church. It only occurred to me in the past ten or fifteen years to question the reasons for that. 

There are many ways to show respect for another. That includes one's god. What you do does not sound "wrong". I hate that word. It is just your way. Some folks cannot grasp that concept. I don't have to kneel to show respect. I can show it other ways. 

Sounds like she doesn't understand your traditions very well and wants you to just conform to her ways. This is not at all respectful of you. Maybe she would understand if you explained what respect looks like for you? I mean, show her and tell her "this is how I respect" when you express it.

It could be fun to learn more about each other. It would make things a whole bunch easier for you both. I just want to add that I really don't know either of you, but I think you will know what to do.


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## RandomDude

Yes, I also show respect in other ways, in my culture, a hand on our hearts and a nod is our way. Submission is something that doesn't really add up to us, guess we're kinda like the "Spartans of the East" lol. She is coming around but yes, she doesn't really grasp the concept. For her submission to God is what she believes to have given her her life back, so when it comes to me she's like "come on! do it like me!" lol

It's more difficult to argue with her when she comes from this stance of love instead of fear. Oh well, we'll see as time goes by.


----------



## 2ntnuf

This may help to explain the reason for kneeling before God, but not before man.


Prayer of Manasseh 1:1

Viewing the King James Version. 


O Lord, Almighty God of our fathers, Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, and of their righteous seed; who hast made heaven and earth, with all the ornament thereof; who hast bound the sea by the word of thy commandment; who hast shut up the deep, and sealed it by thy terrible and glorious name; whom all men fear, and tremble before thy power; for the majesty of thy glory cannot be borne, and thine angry threatening toward sinners is importable: but thy merciful promise is unmeasurable and unsearchable; for thou art the most high Lord, of great compassion, longsuffering, very merciful, and repentest of the evils of men. Thou, O Lord, according to thy great goodness hast promised repentance and forgiveness to them that have sinned against thee: and of thine infinite mercies hast appointed repentance unto sinners, that they may be saved. Thou therefore, O Lord, that art the God of the just, hast not appointed repentance to the just, as to Abraham, and Isaac, and Jacob, which have not sinned against thee; but thou hast appointed repentance unto me that am a sinner: for I have sinned above the number of the sands of the sea. My transgressions, O Lord, are multiplied: my transgressions are multiplied, and I am not worthy to behold and see the height of heaven for the multitude of mine iniquities. I am bowed down with many iron bands, that I cannot life up mine head, neither have any release: for I have provoked thy wrath, and done evil before thee: I did not thy will, neither kept I thy commandments: I have set up abominations, and have multiplied offences. Now therefore I bow the knee of mine heart, beseeching thee of grace. I have sinned, O Lord, I have sinned, and I acknowledge mine iniquities: wherefore, I humbly beseech thee, forgive me, O Lord, forgive me, and destroy me not with mine iniquites. Be not angry with me for ever, by reserving evil for me; neither condemn me to the lower parts of the earth. For thou art the God, even the God of them that repent; and in me thou wilt shew all thy goodness: for thou wilt save me, that am unworthy, according to thy great mercy. Therefore I will praise thee for ever all the days of my life: for all the powers of the heavens do praise thee, and thine is the glory for ever and ever. Amen.


And...

Revelation Chapter 4

>>	
Viewing the Standard King James Version (Pure Cambridge). Click to switch to 1611 King James Version of Revelation Chapter 4




1 After this I looked, and, behold, a door was opened in heaven: and the first voice which I heard was as it were of a trumpet talking with me; which said, Come up hither, and I will shew thee things which must be hereafter.

2 And immediately I was in the spirit: and, behold, a throne was set in heaven, and one sat on the throne.

3 And he that sat was to look upon like a jasper and a sardine stone: and there was a rainbow round about the throne, in sight like unto an emerald.

4 And round about the throne were four and twenty seats: and upon the seats I saw four and twenty elders sitting, clothed in white raiment; and they had on their heads crowns of gold.

5 And out of the throne proceeded lightnings and thunderings and voices: and there were seven lamps of fire burning before the throne, which are the seven Spirits of God.

6 And before the throne there was a sea of glass like unto crystal: and in the midst of the throne, and round about the throne, were four beasts full of eyes before and behind.

7 And the first beast was like a lion, and the second beast like a calf, and the third beast had a face as a man, and the fourth beast was like a flying eagle.

8 And the four beasts had each of them six wings about him; and they were full of eyes within: and they rest not day and night, saying, Holy, holy, holy, Lord God Almighty, which was, and is, and is to come.

9 And when those beasts give glory and honour and thanks to him that sat on the throne, who liveth for ever and ever,

10 The four and twenty elders fall down before him that sat on the throne, and worship him that liveth for ever and ever, and cast their crowns before the throne, saying,

11 Thou art worthy, O Lord, to receive glory and honour and power: for thou hast created all things, and for thy pleasure they are and were created.


----------



## RandomDude

Interesting, so Christians shouldn't be bending knee either! Might show her this just to make her squirm a little hehe 
For my people though - we can't kneel to anyone, not even a God lol
I think that's the thing in sharp contrast really, alot of my people no longer have this many hiccups about it and some even merged Christian beliefs with traditional Shamanistic/"Pagan" beliefs. Our faith is rather flexible and adaptable from time to time - we all believe we are one under eternal blue sky I guess; similarly in Christianity that we are all one under God. (And for us, the sky is our God)

But for my family -> we have been raised traditionally due to our low population numbers and threat of cultural extinction. We're stuckup about tradition... unfortunately so am I =/

This is quite good though, because just as I would disown myself if I kneel, I lose respect for people who kneel. Which unfortunately includes my wife  Now I have nothing against her faith when it comes to her God and her, that's submission to a higher power that loves her, and is the essense of what love is. But to men... to me? Please no...

I hope she learns this; she broke down a few times already and ended up begging me for this and that but I just wish she didn't, and I wish I've never pushed her to that point because the truth is -> I lost respect for her for it. I hate that and I hate how I lost respect for her but I'm hardwired that way since childhood...


----------



## Mr Blunt

> By 2ntnuf
> Thou art worthy, O Lord, to receive glory and honour and power: for thou hast created all things, and for thy pleasure they are and were created.
> 
> thou art the most high Lord, of great compassion, longsuffering, very merciful, and repentest of the evils of men. Thou, O Lord, according to thy great goodness hast promised repentance and forgiveness to them that have sinned against thee: and of thine infinite mercies hast appointed repentance unto sinners
> 
> Now therefore I bow the knee of mine heart, beseeching thee of grace.



I am not too proud to kneel before the described wonderful God above!

All mankind will eventfully submit to something and although I never plan on kneeling to any human I will gladly kneel before a God that has such compassion and power. I know what I am and I know that I have done wrong and that only a God can restore me.

I used to love all that macho stuff but in reality it takes a much stronger man to submit and ask for forgiveness from God. There is the good pride and the bad pride. The bad pride refuses to admit that mankind is weak and refuses to submit to the truth that mankind needs God.

It gives me joy and strength to kneel before a compassionate, merciful, all powerful, and loving God that offers mankind grace.

Thank you 2ntnuf for those powerful scriptures!


----------



## 2ntnuf

Mr Blunt said:


> I am not too proud to kneel before the described wonderful God above!
> 
> All mankind will eventfully submit to something and although I never plan on kneeling to any human I will gladly kneel before a God that has such compassion and power. I know what I am and I know that I have done wrong and that only a God can restore me.
> 
> I used to love all that macho stuff but in reality it takes a much stronger man to submit and ask for forgiveness from God. There is the good pride and the bad pride. The bad pride refuses to admit that mankind is weak and refuses to submit to the truth that mankind needs God.
> 
> It gives me joy and strength to kneel before a compassionate, merciful, all powerful, and loving God that offers mankind grace.
> 
> Thank you 2ntnuf for those powerful scriptures!


You are welcome. 

You explained my point. Thank you. I hoped you would chime in.


----------



## RandomDude

I'm happy for my wife to submit to her God, just not to me or anyone, and for her to stop insisting that I do lol. Speaking of which, submissiveness of wives... there's nothing in the bible that mentions kneeling to husbands is there?


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## 2ntnuf

James 4:6	
But he giveth more grace. Wherefore he saith, God resisteth the proud, but giveth grace unto the humble.


From Merriam-Webster:

1grace noun \ˈgrās\

Definition of GRACE

1
a : unmerited divine assistance given humans for their regeneration or sanctification
b : a virtue coming from God
c : a state of sanctification enjoyed through divine grace
2
a : approval, favor <stayed in his good graces>
b archaic : mercy, pardon
c : a special favor : privilege <each in his place, by right, not grace, shall rule his heritage — Rudyard Kipling>
d : disposition to or an act or instance of kindness, courtesy, or clemency
e : a temporary exemption : reprieve
3
a : a charming or attractive trait or characteristic
b : a pleasing appearance or effect : charm <all the grace of youth — John Buchan>
c : ease and suppleness of movement or bearing
4
—used as a title of address or reference for a duke, a duchess, or an archbishop
5
: a short prayer at a meal asking a blessing or giving thanks
6
plural capitalized : three sister goddesses in Greek mythology who are the givers of charm and beauty
7
: a musical trill, turn, or appoggiatura
8
a : sense of propriety or right <had the grace not to run for elective office — Calvin Trillin>
b : the quality or state of being considerate or thoughtful



Grace; the gift with no price tag. It is unearned.


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## 2ntnuf

RandomDude said:


> I'm happy for my wife to submit to her God, just not to me or anyone, and for her to stop insisting that I do lol. Speaking of which, submissiveness of wives... there's nothing in the bible that mentions kneeling to husbands is there?


Not that I know of, no. Maybe some others will chime in for another opinion.

The submission thing is really misunderstood, in my opinion. The husband must never ask his wife to do something that would hurt, harm or shame her, ever. Under the circumstances which are explained in the bible, the word submission would never enter the wife's mind. She would want to do many of the things the bible speaks of out of love and respect. This respect is garnered through the righteous actions of her husband who always loves, protects and respects her. He would give her the sex she requires and only take it away for a short period with consent from her, but come together soon once again so they will not be tempted to stray.

It is amazing how much is there if you have a mind to think about it. It's just a little tough to interpret because there are many places in which to find things that knit together perfectly. Also, because of the language used and how the thoughts are couched in stories and parables.


----------



## RandomDude

2ntnuf said:


> Not that I know of, no. Maybe some others will chime in for another opinion.
> 
> The submission thing is really misunderstood, in my opinion. The husband must never ask his wife to do something that would hurt, harm or shame her, ever. Under the circumstances which are explained in the bible, the word submission would never enter the wife's mind. She would want to do many of the things the bible speaks of out of love and respect. This respect is garnered through the righteous actions of her husband who always loves, protects and respects her. He would give her the sex she requires and only take it away for a short period with consent from her, but come together soon once again so they will not be tempted to stray.
> 
> It is amazing how much is there if you have a mind to think about it. It's just a little tough to interpret because there are many places in which to find things that knit together perfectly. Also, because of the language used and how the thoughts are couched in stories and parables.


Yes I agree, it truly is misunderstood often. Even by non-believers such as myself. I have to admit though, my wife is earning my respect back a different way, not being tough, being meek, but there's a clear strength within her to admit to her flaws and be humble.

"He would give her the sex she requires and only take it away for a short period with consent from her" Yeah that's how I screwed up as a husband which started all of this mess.


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## 2ntnuf

RD,

You are a strong man. I respect your words. I am not worthy to judge. We all make our path. I will be alone when I am judged by God. There will be no excuses.


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## RandomDude

Likewise and thank you 
Respect brother


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

RandomDude said:


> some even merged Christian beliefs with traditional Shamanistic/"Pagan" beliefs. Our faith is rather flexible and adaptable from time to time - we all believe we are one under eternal blue sky I guess; similarly in Christianity that we are all one under God. (And for us, the sky is our God)
> 
> But for my family -> we have been raised traditionally due to our low population numbers and threat of cultural extinction. We're stuckup about tradition... unfortunately so am I =/


RD, are you Mongolian? I'm interested in your traditional beliefs, have not heard you mention this before...please elaborate.


----------



## lalsr1988

Riverside MFT said:


> *What does it mean to include God in your marriage?*
> 
> Throughout my years as a marriage counselor, I have noticed that when people include God in their relationship that they are generally happier both individually and within their marriage. I wanted to share a few thoughts about what it means to me to include God in your relationship.
> 
> *Faith in God.* This is the first step. You are not going to be able to include God into your relationship until you believe in him. God wants you to be happy in your marriage. He also wants your spouse to be happy in the marriage as well. Believe that this is true. Have faith in God that he will inspire you to do what is necessary in order to have a happy and fulfilling marriage.
> 
> *Pray to Him.* Pray to God for patience and determination to make your marriage work. You can ask Him for help with any aspect of your marriage. Do you need help in your communication? Do you need help in loving your spouse? Pray to God, he will help you and your marriage. Do not pray to change your spouse, but pray for the ability to recognize and change yourself. Pray to Him for your spouse’s needs.
> 
> *Act as God would want you to act.* You are married to a son or daughter of God (whether they act like a child of God or not). When my children get married, I want their spouses to treat them with the utmost respect. I want them to be valued and to be treated as the son or daughter of a Great King, because they are. God wants you to respect your spouse. He wants you to value them, and their thoughts, and their feelings.
> 
> *Demonstrate Repentance.* Recognizing when you have hurt or offended your spouse is an important aspect of healthy marriages. There are times when we intentionally try to make them feel bad and other times when we innocently hurt or offend our spouse. Apologizing to our spouse (and to God for the way we treated His son or daughter) can be an excellent way to include God in your relationship and can help with the healing of offenses.
> 
> *Be Forgiving.* As important as it is to apologize to our spouse for any wrongdoing, it is equally (if not more important) to be forgiving of our spouse when they have offended us. Get rid of those feelings of anger or revenge that you may have towards your spouse. Look for the good in them instead of dwelling on their faults. Let God be the judge of your spouse’s behaviors.
> 
> Originally posted at God in Marriage


that if you don't believe in God
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## debster

> Demonstrate Repentance. Recognizing when you have hurt or offended your spouse is an important aspect of healthy marriages. There are times when we intentionally try to make them feel bad and other times when we innocently hurt or offend our spouse. Apologizing to our spouse (and to God for the way we treated His son or daughter) can be an excellent way to include God in your relationship and can help with the healing of offenses.
> 
> Be Forgiving. As important as it is to apologize to our spouse for any wrongdoing, it is equally (if not more important) to be forgiving of our spouse when they have offended us. Get rid of those feelings of anger or revenge that you may have towards your spouse. Look for the good in them instead of dwelling on their faults. Let God be the judge of your spouse’s behaviors.


Thanks Riverside 

This is helping me to forgive my husband and let go of a grudge I am holding.


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## RandomDude

@2ntnuf

Actually, I just have a question now. You know the whole "turning the other cheek" principle? I am wondering if you are interested in a potentially volatile debate about it, I have a few inquiries in regards to it, as well as disagreements - but I'm hoping I can come to a better understanding of this principle then what I have currently - with your help of course, I'll try not to be offensive lol

@Homemaker_Numero_Uno

I don't mention it because we (especially ones like me born in foreign countries) are too few to go around telling folks who we are because chances are they will judge ALL of us by one individual lol
We are very proud people, and so am I, but that's where the similarities end in this case because unlike most, I'm surrounded by foreign cultures in the middle of nowhere and have very little community here down under.

Please edit your post because I enjoy my anonymity - and to help my people prevent prejudice - either than the stereotype that we're all barbarians which is easier to handle then if suddenly folks start stereotyping my people based on... ME! :rofl:
But yes - you guessed right, surprised you figured it out 

It will take ALOT of writing to go through our traditional beliefs, and I don't wanna hijack this thread (unless it's relating it to Christianity as my wife is Christian while I'm not). PM me if you wish however.


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## 2ntnuf

@RD,

I don't believe I can honestly debate "turning the other cheek". I have not found a way to do so. If you want me to try to find reasons this is the way to go about dealing with harm done to me, I don't think I can. I still have so much anger inside of me. It rears it's ugly head once in a while and turns me into a true wimp since I blame and turn it inward on myself. I suppose because I cannot relieve my anger. I want to, but the only way I know how to relieve this much anger is not healthy. So, debating this would be difficult. I would need to prove to myself first how to do it in a healthy manner. I have not found that "turning the other cheek" is healthy unless there is another outlet for that pain. I don't know what it is yet. I don't know. I want my pain to come out. I want it to manifest in ways which are to my personal satisfaction. I know what I want. It is not healthy. It would only bring down justice from others. That is why I cannot forgive. That is why I pray for mercy each day. Well, one reason anyway.


----------



## RandomDude

... that sucks. It would break my heart if my daughter doesn't recognise me, how long since you've seen your kids? As for "turning the other cheek" though, personally I believe in the opposite, and I can understand how it's very difficult to upkeep such a principle. Like, there's a saying "forgive one insult and you encourage the commission of many".

Turning the other cheek I can never do, I'm an "eye for an eye" type of person, and believe in the natural forces of nature, anger/lust for vengeance - all the same as love and compassion. You can also see on the men's clubhouse with all these problems with the "nice guys" - they turned the other cheek and their wives lost respect for them. Sad really.

Forgiveness personally I feel should be reserved for those who are repentant, though my wife has taught me through her faith in regards to the power that forgiveness can give me. It changed me from my violent ways and made me "sane" in fact, and more in control of myself. My wife does turn the other cheek but even she has her limits, I respect her for her ability, as I know I can't do it lol

But that's how I feel anyways, I always found this principle very interesting, let alone impossible for me.


----------



## 2ntnuf

More than a year since I saw my daughter and my two grandchildren(hers). Yeah, same with my son. Although my son has spoken with me on the phone in the last month. My daughter won't return my calls....XW started trouble and I got sucked into it. I was on the way to a better relationship. That's over.

You have to know what to forgive. I do not know. I have not spoken to my XW alone, face to face since June of 2011. I will always hold hatred, anger, disgust, contempt, mistrust for my XW. Nothing she can do will change that fact. She can wish for it; beg for it(she hasn't) or anything else. She was a major part of the way I have to live my life today.


----------



## RandomDude

If my wife dares to repeat what my mother did to me - aka poisoning children - especially my own daughter... then my heart won't be able to take it - she'll no longer be human to me. I've broken a promise to her already by seperating with my wife, I won't break it another time by allowing her to be poisoned and have hatred against her own father.
Hatred against my family was what inspired me to do the sick violent sh-t that I did in the past. Won't let it happen to my daughter... can't allow it.

I don't blame you at all for your feelings, in fact I am even inspired at your restraint, because I sure as hell won't let it go if it ever came to that, I wouldn't be able to sleep thinking if whenever my daughter is with my wife she's being poisoned and taught to hate her dad. 

Thankfully however, my wife feels as strongly as I do about this - I hope, and she knew this was a dealbreaker LONG even before marriage. And my daughter is a daddy's girl, which is fortunate... hell... just reading that makes me worked up. What the fk is the problem with these women?

It's impossible for folk like myself to forgive such atrocities, only God can forgive if I was to be put in that situation. Interesting really, my wife did tell me though that it's God who gives her the strength to forgive, it's something that she can't do with her own strength sometimes. Meh, but that's why she's my wife, she balances me out.


----------



## 2ntnuf

RandomDude said:


> If my wife dares to repeat what my mother did to me - aka poisoning children - especially my own daughter... then my heart won't be able to take it - she'll no longer be human to me. I've broken a promise to her already by seperating with my wife, I won't break it another time by allowing her to be poisoned and have hatred against her own father.
> Hatred against my family was what inspired me to do the sick violent sh-t that I did in the past. Won't let it happen to my daughter... can't allow it.
> 
> I don't blame you at all for your feelings, in fact I am even inspired at your restraint, because I sure as hell won't let it go if it ever came to that, I wouldn't be able to sleep thinking if whenever my daughter is with my wife she's being poisoned and taught to hate her dad.
> 
> Thankfully however, my wife feels as strongly as I do about this - I hope, and she knew this was a dealbreaker LONG even before marriage. And my daughter is a daddy's girl, which is fortunate... hell... just reading that makes me worked up. What the fk is the problem with these women?
> 
> It's impossible for folk like myself to forgive such atrocities, *only God can forgive* if I was to be put in that situation. Interesting really, my wife did tell me though that it's God who gives her the strength to forgive, it's something that she can't do with her own strength sometimes. Meh, but that's why she's my wife, she balances me out.


That's what I have been saying. Thank you for this post. It helps. If you go to the post I made before this, you will see why this just broke everything to pieces which I truly don't think can be put back together, ever. I am trying. It is so difficult. I have to be very careful, but I just cannot give up. My heart won't let me. And I don't care if I sound like a wimp....My daughter was my girl when she was little. She sat beside me on the couch in the evening and I would read stories. She was my buddy. My little darling. My dear sweet precious baby girl.


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## RandomDude

I find your post very interesting to be honest, I just don't know how to comment, like -> violence for me is an accepted flaw of mine as long as I continue to contain and control it nowadays. I believe in the chaos of the natural world and yet its harmony and balance, well now anyways, in my youth it was very different.

At 7 years of age my parents divorced, and I was poisoned against my father but he got custody. For years I've hated and resented everything he did based on what my mother taught me - I was a young child. I snapped when he tried to hit me with a metal pole when I was around 10 or something, I can't remember now. I grabbed it, swung it and hit him across the head with it lol. So I was left to live with mum, then she kicked me out on the streets at 12. So much for being loyal to her "cause" against dad, betrayed, abandoned and confused... all because her bf at that time didn't like me around. He refused responsibility obviously, the two eventually broke up so figures. I was too young to have done anything but when I grew up I hunted him but couldn't find him. Lucky really for both of us, because I wanted to torture and kill him as sadistically as possible.

Anyways I spent the next 6 years fighting for survival, couldn't get into the pension system as a minor and after squatting from friend to friend - with families that simply did not wish another responsibility (me) and being kicked out each time - I simply did not wish to be a freeloader anymore. So I began to be independent, I made my own money the only way that was available; drug runs and dealing. Everything about me for the next 6 years was simply - hate.

Over time I grew up, grew stronger, and at 16 I had my own crew, collected debts and had alot of violent fun. Used to stage fights with my mates and ended up in hospital being pumped with morphine and loving it then coming out straight on the street starting fights repeatedly to satisfy my hate as well as keeping my fighting skills sharp. I always fought dirty, I simply didn't care.

Even after I left that life behind because frankly it sucked - I was still unable to let go of that hate. The women I ended up in relationships with were all nutcases like me, my first was even more violent than me back in the day, I was a ***** with girls at first - but she hardened me up. The one before my wife also had mental issues. When my wife came along - she was very different to all the past girls, but still had a dark past which I could relate to. Turned out she's just as psycho as me but sexually instead! Found out after marriage... typical!

But that leads me to the point of this post. My wife has shown me the power of forgiveness by helping me forgive my parents. I have let go of so much anger and hate that only then did I find peace and stability in my mind either than thinking about killing people half the time. In that way - I grew to appreciate what Christianity can truly offer and what it has offered my wife when it came to dealing with her past.

As years past my family and I reconciled, some things they are repentant about, others not so much but as I've forgiven them, I no longer really cared nor did they generate such intense hate from me. It also matured me as a person, no longer would I mutiliate someone and then blame it on my parents inside my head - I learnt accountability and responsibility.

However, this doesn't mean that I've become immune to hate. I still hate, but I no longer let it run so deep as to control my every thought and emotion. Most of the time now I just can't be bothered to react to idiots, I just say my piece then cut them off. My counsellor however has identified that this is also part of my coping mechanism which at times can be self-destructive.

Like - when my wife and I get in a bad time, I try to sabotage everything so I can cut her off. I admitted this to my wife, and she has admitted a whole lot of sh-t too, ALOT... but there have been times where I still lost it, resulting in charges for assault/grievous bodily harm in the past with some folk when I first got married due to rather uncolorful racist slurs against my daughter and pregnant wife before my daughter was even born. 

Since then, in fights now I learnt how to restrain myself (somewhat) by grappling - I learnt on the street but was extremely brutal, I enjoyed breaking them. Now however I just end up controlling the situation and putting them in rather painful and humiliating positions without leaving them hospitalised and then having to go to court to pay for their damages. So far, they haven't sued, besides once I let them go they're fine, good luck whining about it to court lol.
This prevents me from having to deal with the consequences of beating down folks to a pulp, but still allows me to administer my "opinion". I always keep that dark side of me locked down however if presented with another life or death situation, so far, never had to use it nowadays.

With women though it's a completely different battlefield. They are lucky - most only really have one - the battle of the tongues. We as men have to learn how to fight both. My MIL definitely presented me with a challenge. EVERYTHING about me just cried out to seek out vengeance as she has repeatedly hated on me to my wife both when we were friends then when we were going out and even in marriage. She even wanted my wife to abort our daughter because I was apparent "bad blood" due to having no career at that time and came from a people who she despised for no reason either than history.

But I got my revenge alright, I took up her challenge, supported my family independently without anyone's help including our house and all the luxuries my wife has grown accustomed to living in a rich household, rose to management and then ownership, and now have expanded my business successfully, have secure income and moreover - financial freedom, few even succeed in this. So I got my revenge, and it was sweet, cold and satisfying. Even made myself rich in the process.
Everyone who heard her say sh-t about me, turned their backs on her, I proved to everyone that I'm not only an able provider, but how much of a judgemental lying piece of sh-t my MIL truly was. Since then my MIL has got abit better, still a pain in the ass though but lol

Anger and hate is useful, but it's a double edged blade in my opinion. I don't know if this post helps, but I just wanted to point out what I've learnt over the years. Forgiveness is not about the other person, it's about us - what my wife said, and she's right. It can be seen as turning the other cheek, I guess in a way I've done that with my parents.

Yet at the same time, it's hard to let certain things go -> Your situation for example... if my wife did that, she will be doing what my mother did to me years ago as I mentioned, with me I'm passed it... but with my daughter, no, not a chance I will allow it. I don't know, I'm just as confused as you are when it comes to turning the other cheek lol


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## 2ntnuf

I took some time this morning typing my response, RD. When I tried to post, something went wrong and I lost my reply. 

Summarizing:

I need to grow a pair. I lost them when she left, but it started much earlier.

I want to make some decent money. I am too old to get rich unless I would win the lottery and I don't play.

I am starting to feel better. I mean much better. I don't think I will ever be the same. I have headaches in the area of my head which I felt the "swoosh" of heat when my XW called and told me she needed all of her lingerie packed. I have to make the most of what is left of me.

I haven't figured out what to do. I will probably just waste away being lonely whether I want to or not.

I will never forgive her or her family, my family, anyone involved in what happened. If I get the chance and it is legal, I will have my day. I am patient. If it doesn't happen, I haven't lost anything. They will never be my friends. I can never trust them.

I have learned that even the folks who are popular and well liked are evil and cannot be trusted. I knew this, but never thought it would be my XW or my family; not to this degree anyway.

Truth is what you want it to be. I told the truth in the way I recalled it. She told some truth of her own. Never trust the truth.

Love? There is no such thing. There are acquaintances. There are wives. There is family. None of whom are trustworthy. All of whom will harm you in any way they can if it is expedient. Share your love with as many people as you can(including sex when applicable) it will allow you to get love back when you least expect it. 

Love yourself. You are the only one who will. Forget the others. Do what you can and that's it. Too bad, that's all I can do. 

Don't apologize unless you've harmed someone. Even then, they probably won't believe you are truly sorry. I describe hurting as an accident. Sometimes it requires an apology.

Sex is a physical need which does not require love and very little trust. Evidenced by the number of casual sex encounter threads I have run across here. 

Protect yourself. No one truly cares about you. 

Confidence is good as long as it is tempered with humility.

Give your love to God or whatever is your choice. In the end you can't count on anything, but will at least have someone to talk to when you are alone. He doesn't speak back, but it gives you some comfort.

Never think your wife is faithful. She will betray you one way or another. She will also think you have betrayed her when you have not. No one is truly faithful, not even to themselves.

We are all different. We each have different goals, tolerances, etc.

No one is "good". No one. We are all "evil" in some way. What I think is one thing, someone else will think the opposite.

Although I put my trust in God, I have never, to my recollection, seen any evidence of God. I thought I did, but it can be just as easily argued away. It is up to you to have faith if you want.

I'm sure I'll think of more as time goes on. I thank you for taking an interest in me. I would love to make something of myself just so when she hears about me it makes her question her decisions. That would be part of a long list of sweet retribution. Any reasonable suggestions or questions appreciated. Thank you for taking time to recognize me in your life.


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## RandomDude

Anytime, and I would most definitely make something of myself in your shoes. Or I could just let go - like what I did with my father and mother. It depends you see: Another thing I learnt from my wife is how to be calculative and analyse what is worth it and what isn't. If the hate drives you, pushes you, then I would keep it, as I have done, and I have succeeded both due to love for my wife and child and hate against everyone who spoke against my family. And some people just had it coming to them, like those idiots in the past.

A great man himself once said "I am the punishment of God, if you have not committed great sins, God would not have unleashed me upon you" :rofl:

I disagree that no one can be faithful however, but one thing I did learn on the streets that have proven true even with my new life; it's not who you trust, it's WHAT you trust them to do. Follow your natural instincts, it's there to help you live, so in the end, I don't really trust anyone fully either lol


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## 2ntnuf

Thank you, RD


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## WillPrez

It is great for include god in your marriage for your better relationship because the god was witness between you and the wife of your youth, to whom you have been faithless, though she is your companion and your wife by covenant. Someone says that the god created marriage. No government subcommittee intended it. No social organization developed it. What you thought about it?


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## 2ntnuf

Marriage


Was instituted in Paradise when man was in innocence (Gen. "2:18-24). Here we have its original charter, which was confirmed" "by our Lord, as the basis on which all regulations are to be" "framed (Matt. 19:4, 5). It is evident that monogamy was the" original law of marriage (Matt. 19:5; 1 Cor. 6:16). This law was "violated in after times, when corrupt usages began to be" introduced (Gen. 4:19; 6:2). We meet with the prevalence of polygamy and concubinage in the patriarchal age (Gen. 16:1-4; "22:21-24; 28:8, 9; 29:23-30, etc.). Polygamy was acknowledged in" "the Mosaic law and made the basis of legislation, and continued" to be practised all down through the period of Jewish histroy to "the Captivity, after which there is no instance of it on record." "It seems to have been the practice from the beginning for fathers to select wives for their sons (Gen. 24:3; 38:6). Sometimes also proposals were initiated by the father of the maiden (Ex. 2:21). The brothers of the maiden were also "sometimes consulted (Gen. 24:51; 34:11), but her own consent was" not required. The young man was bound to give a price to the "father of the maiden (31:15; 34:12; Ex. 22:16, 17; 1 Sam. 18:23," 25; Ruth 4:10; Hos. 3:2) On these patriarchal customs the Mosaic law made no change. "In the pre-Mosaic times, when the proposals were accepted and "the marriage price given, the bridegroom could come at once and" take away his bride to his own house (Gen. 24:63-67). But in general the marriage was celebrated by a feast in the house of "the bride's parents, to which all friends were invited (29:22," "27); and on the day of the marriage the bride, concealed under a" "thick veil, was conducted to her future husband's home." "Our Lord corrected many false notions then existing on the "subject of marriage (Matt. 22:23-30), and placed it as a divine" institution on the highest grounds. The apostles state clearly and enforce the nuptial duties of husband and wife (Eph. "5:22-33; Col. 3:18, 19; 1 Pet. 3:1-7). Marriage is said to be" "honourable (Heb. 13:4), and the prohibition of it is noted as" one of the marks of degenerate times (1 Tim. 4:3). "The marriage relation is used to represent the union between God "and his people (Isa. 54:5; Jer. 3:1-14; Hos. 2:9, 20). In the" New Testament the same figure is employed in representing the love of Christ to his saints (Eph. 5:25-27). The Church of the "redeemed is the "Bride, the Lamb's wife" (Rev. 19:7-9)."

"(John 2:1-11) "lasted usually for a whole week; but the cost of" such prolonged rejoicing is very small in the East. The guests "sit round the great bowl or bowls on the floor, the meal usually" consisting of a lamb or kid stewed in rice or barley. The most "honoured guests sit nearest, others behind; and all in eating" "dip their hand into the one smoking mound, pieces of the thin" "bread, bent together, serving for spoons when necessary. After" "the first circle have satisfied themselves, those lower in" "honour sit down to the rest, the whole company being men, for" women are never seen at a feast. Water is poured on the hands "before eating; and this is repeated when the meal closes, the" "fingers having first been wiped on pieces of bread, which, after" "serving the same purpose as table-napkins with us, are thrown on" the ground to be eaten by any dog that may have stolen in from "the streets through the ever-open door, or picked up by those" outside when gathered and tossed out to them (Matt. 15:27; Mark 7:28). Rising from the ground and retiring to the seats round "the walls, the guests then sit down cross-legged and gossip, or" "listen to recitals, or puzzle over riddles, light being scantily" "supplied by a small lamp or two, or if the night be chilly, by a" "smouldering fire of weeds kindled in the middle of the room," "perhaps in a brazier, often in a hole in the floor. As to the" "smoke, it escapes as it best may; but indeed there is little of" "it, though enough to blacken the water or wine or milk skins" hung up on pegs on the wall. (Comp. Ps. 119:83.) To some such marriage-feast Jesus and his five disciples were invited at Cana "of Galilee." Geikie's Life of Christ. (See [380]CANA.)"


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## marriageindia

We are all created by god. So we cannot ignore the creator in our relationships. Including god will make a marriage happier and peaceful.


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