# I think I just messed up/relapsed



## Mo24 (Feb 18, 2014)

quick back story--

walk away wife last fall
i dated while going through divorce and till about a month ago same girl
wife had dates but no bf
i get cancer 
while im in recovery wife stops by often and we get along

one of those days she says if i am ever single again i should ask her out

a couple of weeks ago she hugs and kisses me on the mouth

she admits last week that she has wanted to "jump my bones"

i am non chalant about it she doesnt seem truly interested im R so i dont say much

tonight she texts that she needs to come over to talk she tells me some random items then gets real emotional and tells me she started dating a guy she ran into about a week ago that she went to college with

after she leaves i send texts kids have already met him but when i was dating for six months she flipped out when the gf met the kids after 2 1/2 months

she sayys she is sorry
i ask for what, for making you upset she says
then i feel a trigger--anger like i felt last fall when she gave me the ILYBINILWY

then my daughter tells me neither of the kids had baths at her house--tues to friday-- i text her asking if true--she said busy week they need baths

this is the second time in 3 weeks she has neglected to bathe them over her three day visitation

i go off said you suck, dont come over tomorrow (for sons birthday) and show up on time to get them sunday

im so angry and want to get back to where i was when i didnt care....help?


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

I hope you are not giving any thought to R with with this woman. Stop getting close enough for her to pull sh!t like kissing you. And most important, STOP TALKING TO HER!! Keep it to nothing at all except the kids. And shame on her for not bathing the kids! WTF?? No excuse for that. 

Go dark. Stop trying to be her friend.


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## bravenewworld (Mar 24, 2013)

Mo24 said:


> then my daughter tells me neither of the kids had baths at her house--tues to friday-- i text her asking if true--she said busy week they need baths
> 
> this is the second time in 3 weeks she has neglected to bathe them over her three day visitation
> 
> ...


That's so sad and neglectful. 3 days? I get super uncomfortable and itchy after one day without bathing. 

Actually, I think it's good you're angry. That is something worth being angry over. I think we all have memories of who was "the stinky kid" back in school. Does your ex have all her marbles?


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## poppyseed (Dec 22, 2013)

Mo24 said:


> q i feel a trigger--anger like i felt last fall when she gave me the* ILYBINILWY*


 :iagree: Cheaters fav. phrase..3 Days no shower or bath. YUK!


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

that anger you are feeling is your mind reminding you of why you D in the first place-listen to it.


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## Mrlonelyhearts (Apr 12, 2012)

Sounds like she's a tap dancer. Sounds like she can't imagine life without some man, any man in her life. If one relationship does not work out, oh well, I will jump back into the old relationship. I agree with what's been said. Back way off. Set boundaries and keep them.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

There was apparently no man in her life when she decided recently she was interested in you. Now there is and you are out of the picture again. 

Learn from your mistakes. Don't repeat them.


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## sd212 (Feb 24, 2012)

Openminded said:


> There was apparently no man in her life when she decided recently she was interested in you. Now there is and you are out of the picture again.
> 
> Learn from your mistakes. Don't repeat them.


Amen. Total garbage. I cannot believe these fools exist. Someone needs to teach her that she cannot do this to people. You are the one to do it. Pi$$ on her. Such garbage. I'm angry for you. Man I wish I could quit being a nice guy like I'm telling you. These people walk all over doormats like you and I and you've got to stop it.

Stay salty. She's a $hit person.


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## Mo24 (Feb 18, 2014)

ok i get the sentiments. any recommendations re what to actually DO about it?

thanks everyone.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Detach. Stop communicating with her unless it involves the children. When you think about her, change your focus. Remember what she's done. Tell yourself you don't want to be Plan B. Accept you can't control what she does (like not bathing them). Hopefully they can wash their faces and wipe themselves down with baby wipes (that you send with them) but you can't make her bathe them.


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## sd212 (Feb 24, 2012)

Openminded said:


> Detach. Stop communicating with her unless it involves the children. When you think about her, change your focus. Remember what she's done. Tell yourself you don't want to be Plan B. Accept you can't control what she does (like not bathing them). Hopefully they can wash their faces and wipe themselves down with baby wipes (that you send with them) but you can't make her bathe them.


Agreed. You can't control her. You're nothing to her. You have to accept it and move on. Seek therapy by the way. That changed my life.


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## sd212 (Feb 24, 2012)

Sorry, didn't mean to be rude there. Just sorta came out that way. It is easy to forget how hard it is when you're in the middle of it. I was such a wreck and had no idea what to do or how to proceed with anything. Sorry for being insensitive.


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## m0nk (Mar 14, 2014)

Mo24 said:


> quick back story--
> 
> walk away wife last fall
> i dated while going through divorce and till about a month ago same girl
> ...


This. is. disgusting. I know this will be hard, but I think the best thing to do would be to only communicate with her about the children and the expectations for the kids. It sounds like she wants you as a backup because you, unlike her, are dependable. If the children are old enough, maybe they can bathe themselves or start practicing this life skill. I would text her back and say she is welcome for the birthday, but henceforth she will only be addressed when the kids are the subject, and you'll need to clearly spell out that despite how "busy" she gets (try to be tone-free there), the kids will need bathing and meals. I bet if she forgot the baths she forgot the normal bedtimes and good meals. Best of luck...


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## Morgiana (Oct 18, 2011)

Depending on the age, they don't need bathing every day. That being said, 3 days without is a bit much. How old are they? At 5, both my kids were showering by themselves, although they weren't the best at getting truly clean and we would wash their hair for them.


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