# Vacation without children



## themightypenguin (Dec 5, 2011)

I'm not sure who/where else to ask this and I used this board a lot to get through the rough times and thought maybe someone here could offer some insight. 

I have a vacation planned in May without my children. I've had it planned and informed her a couple months ago. Recently I started dating and have developed a somewhat serious relationship. Now that the ex knows about it she's saying she will not take the kids while I'm gone and I need to find a sitter for the nights I would normally have the kids. 

My questions is can she do that? Our agreement just states we have to inform each other 48 hours in advance if we are not going to have parenting time.

Anyone else have this problem? If there's nothing I can do about it I thought I might just take the kids with me the entire time and change the vacation. 

Thank you all for any advice you may have.


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## nosmallchoice (Mar 25, 2013)

Why, yes - she can, and did, do that. 

Some ex's are vindictive, and some like to play games. You could either be proactive by changing your vacation plans to accommodate her game, or choose to be in a bad mood over it.

Being proactive makes you the hero in your kids' eyes. 

Being pi**y about it only means your kids lose in the end.


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## themightypenguin (Dec 5, 2011)

I agree. So I told her I would take them with me and she didn't like that either. Now I'm taking the kids away from her in her eyes! I told her she could keep them while I was gone or I'd take them with me. 

I just playing her game. Either way it'll be a vacation and I love spending time with my kids so I'm going to worry about it.


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

Shame on your ex for using the kids as a weapon against you.  I think it's digusting when people do that. 

But I guess if she was a reasonable human being you'd still be with her. Unfortunately if the divorce agreement clearly states when/how often you have the kids then it's pretty much written in stone. Problem with you taking the kids is that now she can pull this crap in the OTHER direction. 

Don't know what you can do except try and reason with her. If you take the kids without her consent then she can take you to court. I guess you can see if she's bluffing...don't know exactly. :scratchhead: You have no schedule at all with regards to visitation, vacations, etc? Usually that's all worked out in the settlement but not always. My STBX and I don't have a formal schedule for visitation but that's mostly because our children are older (18 and 15). We agreed to work it among ourselves. 

Fortunately my STBX and I are very cooperative about our son. He sees my son most weekends. We are now discussing the summer and how we want to work that out. It also helps that my STBX lives only a few miles down the road so my son will often just see him for a few hours and here and there. Most times he and his father will work out their shedule between them and just confirm it with me. 

Our sons 15 so that's a big help. For the most part he's independent and doesn't need constant supervision so the only issues are ovenights. When my 18 year old daughter is home for the summer she will stay with my son if I choose to go away and my ex can't watch our son. 

But with younger children and vindictive exes it's a bad scene indeed. I'd try and keep your new relationship as far away from your ex as possible. Tell her as little as possible and show her less. Obviously she's not over you.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Do you have anything in your divorce about vacations or taking the kids out of town when it's your time with them?

In mine it stated that if one of us was taking our son out of town on our own time we just had to inform the other within a few days before doing it and provide a phone number for contact. We also had to tell the other the address of where our son about be.

for longer vacation we had to give at least a 2 week notice with all the info.

If I were you, if you want to take them our of town on your days, give give her the address of were you are staying, contact phone number and the return date. As long as you are not cutting into her time and you keep her informed, I doubt she could say anything about it. It's yoru time with the children after all.


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