# Please Help Me I am Desperate!!!!



## firstkid7

My wife and I have been married for just over two years. Looking back on things I can honestly say that the issue I have today is the same I had before we got married. I never seem to make my wife happy with anything. I have always been very optimistic about life but my wife just see the glass half full. Two years into our marriage she told me that she wanted a divorce. I told her I love her and we started going to counseling. 

We have been going for about three months or so and my wife now says I am the perfect husband and that I am great but she just hates her life and cannot forgive me for things that were done the first two years. I never cheated on her or anything like that but her view of our first two years of marriage is that it has been awe ful but I do not see it like that. I have apologized like crazy and made major improvements which she has noticed but to no avail. The crazy thing is that about two months after marriage she stopped wanting to have sex. In fact we have only had sex 5 times in 26 months. She has done other things for me but she will not be intimate with me what so ever. I constantly am trying to be nice and encourage her but the weird thing is that the nicer I am to her to more hateful she is to me and the meaner I am to her then the nicer she is to me. This is really messed up. 

Why can I not be loving to my wife and get a good response. I think that things are going better as she tells me how awesome I am and like clock work almost every other weekend she says that she just can not stay in the marriage and that there is no way she can make me happy. I tell her I am happy with her I just want her to be happy. The last few weeks she has been taking off for the weekend and going out of town or different places. She says that she needs space to think. The crazy thing is that I have been amazingly nice to her in fact she says I am to good to her. 

I was in ministry for years and always desired to have someone that loved my faith. Now she tells me that she can not be herself around me and that she wants to study other religions. My life is breaking apart and I do not know how to make her happy. Before we got married when we went through marriage counseling she admitted that she had problems with her hormones. The marriage counselor said that he had a mother in law with those problems and that some one with those problems could be a bear to live with. The counselor then asked my wife if she would be willing to get help for those issues and she eagerly said yes. It has been 26 months and I can not even get her to go to the doctor. Honestly it seems like for every few days that I am nice then she goes into this crazy depressive state and all she can think about is how bad her life is.

She does not have any friends to speak of and actually come to think of she does not have one childhood friend that she keeps up with. Many times when we get into a social situation she get really moody and all she can do is complain about the people she is around and point out all their faults. This is even true when we go to church she gives me a hour lecture on how bad things are in the church or the pastor. He preaches to loud. He is not sincere and so on.... 

Why cant people be happy. Once again we had a great week. We had no sex but their was some intimacy. In fact I notice at night about 4 or 5 in the morning she will cuddle with me when she thinks I am asleep but if I am awake she is very non affectionate. Just yesterday we held each other had a nice bath and she met some of my needs but there was still no sex and when I try to do something that will please here she turns me off. Will someone please help me. I have spent thousands on counseling, made lots of changes, and want to be with my wife for ever. How can I make her happy? Please Help!!!!!!!!!


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## Threetimesalady

Hi: I am sorry for your problems...Yours is the problem of many men...Believe me you are not alone...How was she when you were dating?...Did you guys have intercourse or some heavy petting?...If she showed signs of not wanting sex then, it is possible that these were early signs...A woman is two people...The one that lingers inside and can't let go and the one of years ago who not only fears sex, but doesn't want to learn...Have you ever tried having a few drinks and getting it on?....Truthfully, if she ever let go she could be hot to trot, but I don't think she knows how...We all or many of us have the Eve syndrome from the Garden of Eden...You know, cover thyself and sin no more...We were taught this...Our problem after marriage is uncovering and the good girl turning into the bad girl and letting it all hang out...I guess I have learned well....

These are just a few of my thoughts...Hope it helps...


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## Threetimesalady

IMO, most women do not realize that having sex is a big part of marriage...They look at marriage as romantic and wonderful....To many and I am including myself of years ago, sex is a invasion....Something that you used to get hot about, but after marriage you wonder "where are all the bells and whistles of yesterday"....You really never thought that this sexual thing that you have to do would have to be done as often and without the prelude of being swept off your feet as your yesterdays....Many marriages either go to hell or have happen what has happened to you....I was a horny woman before I married, but also a virgin..Never saw my husband's penis until the night we married...After that first night I didn't like sex...It hurt...Where was all the thrill that there was supposed to be?...I wished I was back in the parked car and he was undressing me...Many women do not admit this, but it is the reason that they have affairs and search to try to find out what they are missing....I believe the statistic is near 88%(if they truly admit it) that don't have an orgasm....

I truly wonder how many of us go to bed with a man that we crave?.....Sad, but true...Take care....


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## amigo1

My first thought when you said theres no sex is that something else is going on. Either some type of medical problem or she has been sexually abused. It doesnt sound like theres anything you can do but she needs to do for herself. she needs help for whatever her issues are.


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## Threetimesalady

Pandakiss said:


> i think its true. i think some women go from daddys house to husbands bed.
> 
> where is the inbetween??
> there is a old thread made new here, and its about per-marital sex good idea Vs. bad idea. i am all for it, i think a lot of sexual probs are avoided.
> 
> but thats not why we are here, keep talking, find out her views on sex. on whats intimate for her, and tell her whats intimate for you.
> 
> this will open up communication to talk freely about anything, and bring you closer...


IMO, a woman will say and do many things to snare her catch....Sad, but true...It's what happens afterwards that can be a disaster...Her problem: She didn't count on what was to come....


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## Threetimesalady

amigo1 said:


> My first thought when you said theres no sex is that something else is going on. Either some type of medical problem or she has been sexually abused. It doesnt sound like theres anything you can do but she needs to do for herself. she needs help for whatever her issues are.


I will never get over the "sexually abused" bit that some people use...Dig back and you can find things...Sure some do, but give me a break...The poor man suffered too...

Heck, we all could have medical problems...That's another good one...However, a good shrink can put these ideas in her head and before long she is more mixed up then when she started...I don't know...Maybe that is what keeps them coming back...

A woman should not marry a man unless she could eat him alive by just looking at him....Then add to this, she can't wait until the next time he takes his hand and crawls up her leg and into her panties...Married sex is different than pre-marriage parking...This is the problem of so many....Of course, these are just my thoughts....


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## kendra2705

So sorry but it sounds like round hole square peg situation , what ever you do its wrong.


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## Threetimesalady

I answered this one before and it was the wrong answer so I will pass....


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