# Spending Bday alone for first time



## heartbroken0426 (Dec 4, 2013)

So my H told me on Nov. 11 that he wants to separate. We've been to MC and according to my H it's over and he doesn't think reconciliation is possible. It's not important what happened, why he's feeling this way, if he cheated, etc. It's my 33rd bday on Saturday and it is also his work Christmas Party. He has chosen to go to the party alone. He just told me today that he's also going to go out on Fri night, all day Sat and Sat night (xmas party). So it'll just be myself and our 7-month old daughter. This is the e-mail he wrote to me about a week or so ago regarding my bday and him going to his party alone.

_Regarding that day, I realize it's your birthday, so I do think its best that you do go see your family so that it's a special day and not ruined by our situation. I'm not going to be fake with you trying to share a day that should normally be celebratory in nature. I realize that it's not about me, but I'm not going to confuse or lead you in a different direction than what I'm feeling and I also don’t want to be cold to you either by not sharing in the day.

I know this may come across as harsh but its not my intentions, I just don't know how else to say it without being direct. _ 


I'm devastated. I was so upset when I got that e-mail a week ago and I'm crushed even more now that he told me that he has plans Fri night, all day Sat, and Sat night. I know I have my daughter to spend it with and I am so grateful for that but I'm so heart. How do I get through this weekend?

Btw....please let's not talk about him cheating on me. I know that's a possibility but I just don't want to talk about that. I just need encouragement and advice on how to get through this weekend.


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## karole (Jun 30, 2010)

Get a sitter for your daughter, call up some friends and spend a night on the town.


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## hitbyabrick (Nov 14, 2013)

Happy birthday in advance.

I'd suggest making plans with family and/or friends. Go out, have fun. Realize that there are other people in your life who care about you, and find happiness in that.


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## ne9907 (Jul 17, 2013)

Happy Birthday to you!1!!

Listen to him. Believe every single word. It is painful, it sucks, he is being a **** but hopefully you will gain insight!

Follow the advise of other posters, plan a night out with friends and family.
He has told you what you want, he has shown you he has no room in his life for you. He is an ass. DO not waste any more of your precious time thinking about him
This is easier said than done, but you will do it!!!!


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

Screw him! You have a few days to plan the best birthday ever. I suggest if you can afford it take a mini vacation. Somewhere close but away from town. Like a cabin, or a nice touristic city. Or throw yourself a party meet friends and family. Don't spend it alone.

Happy early birthday, buy yourself a gift too.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Gonnabealright (Oct 24, 2013)

Happy B day! Are you trying to reconcile? I'm sorry I don't know your whole story.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Happy birthday! Even though it doesn't seem like it please remember that it's better to be by yourself than to be with someone that doesn't want to be there. I have learned this first hand.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## heartbroken0426 (Dec 4, 2013)

Gonnabealright - I don't know if we're going to reconcile. He says he's done and part of me thinks I won't take him back if he comes back and the other part of me thinks I would take him back.


THANK YOU everyone for the support and encouragement. After crying on and off all day (I keep shutting my office door at work to cry) reading your posts have made me smile and given me a boost. I actually called my aunt that lives about 1.5hrs away and I'm going to spend the day with my aunt/uncle and my daughter. So I won't be alone and I will be enjoying myself.


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## Gonnabealright (Oct 24, 2013)

heartbroken0426 said:


> Gonnabealright - I don't know if we're going to reconcile. He says he's done and part of me thinks I won't take him back if he comes back and the other part of me thinks I would take him back.
> 
> 
> THANK YOU everyone for the support and encouragement. After crying on and off all day (I keep shutting my office door at work to cry) reading your posts have made me smile and given me a boost. I actually called my aunt that lives about 1.5hrs away and I'm going to spend the day with my aunt/uncle and my daughter. So I won't be alone and I will be enjoying myself.


Take it day at a time, I hope you can but not being with you on your birthday is bad. Take care of you first. Start a 180. It's the best advice I've ever got here.


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## heartbroken0426 (Dec 4, 2013)

Gonnabealright said:


> Take it day at a time, I hope you can but not being with you on your birthday is bad. Take care of you first. Start a 180. It's the best advice I've ever got here.


The 180 is basically when your spouse says they want to separate so you in turn separate from them....do your own thing.....go out with friends and act like you're fine without them and building your own life and can care less about what they are doing, right? If yes....then that's what I'm doing :smthumbup:


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## shooby1213 (Dec 10, 2013)

heartbroken0426 said:


> The 180 is basically when your spouse says they want to separate so you in turn separate from them....do your own thing.....go out with friends and act like you're fine without them and building your own life and can care less about what they are doing, right? If yes....then that's what I'm doing :smthumbup:


I did the 180 and it worked in a way....he texts me alot, worried when I dont text or call back, sees me everyday, spends his days off with me buys me thoughtful gifts BUT we still arent romantic yet..its only been a week and a half though


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## heartbroken0426 (Dec 4, 2013)

shooby1213 said:


> I did the 180 and it worked in a way....he texts me alot, worried when I dont text or call back, sees me everyday, spends his days off with me buys me thoughtful gifts BUT we still arent romantic yet..its only been a week and a half though


Shooby - Did he move out? has it only been a week and half since he moved out?


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## Gonnabealright (Oct 24, 2013)

Stay strong
The Healing Heart: The 180


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## shooby1213 (Dec 10, 2013)

He moved out over a month ago......I did the 180 and the turn around has been about a week and half. But I cant tell you why he wants to be this close or act like besties


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## heartbroken0426 (Dec 4, 2013)

Thank you for the link


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## heartbroken0426 (Dec 4, 2013)

lifeistooshort said:


> Happy birthday! Even though it doesn't seem like it please remember that it's better to be by yourself than to be with someone that doesn't want to be there. I have learned this first hand.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Good point....better to be alone (or with my daughter) than be with someone who doesn't want to be there even after sharing so much over the last 7yrs we've been together. His loss, right?


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Yes, it is. He's told you he's done. That may or may not turn out to be the case but for now it is. So surround yourself with people who truly love you. And have a wonderful birthday!!


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