# Husband has multiple (7or more) dating profiles



## madwoman (Oct 20, 2011)

Married 28 years. I rug swept, but when his ad says how many times we have sex (he lied) and that he is seeking healthy woman for descreet sex the rug got pulled out from under me. He said he'd stop, and appeared to, but I have found he hasn't. I think but cannot prove he has had at least 3 affairs. He would never admit, because he knows I'd leave. I don't need him. 

I get gaslighted ALOT! each severe gaslighting period, I had reason to suspect affairs. 

But, someone please help me realize the severity of these online profiles..... my heart doesn't want to listen to my head. 

28 years of devotion, hard work, trust, and it's hard. I just don't know what to do.

my mother would want me to leave, she taught me better, but my rosey glasses JUST WONT COME OFF.... I'm sooo sad


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

gaslighting demonstrates that he will not show you true remorse and thus will not have a proper R.

if you must have further proof, install a keylogger


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

Your mother would be right...you should leave. 3 affairs! Jeezus!


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## HerToo (Oct 3, 2011)

Sorry this has happened to you.

You have to know what you want and expect out of your marriage. Get any evidence you can find and confront him with it. If he's not part of what you expect out of your marriage, either work with him to fix it, or end it. 

Others will be by to post better suggestions.


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## madwoman (Oct 20, 2011)

I did that, printed it out, he tried to turn it on me saying he thought I was getting ready to leave him. BS, he stopped long enough for me to quit watching, then went right back at it. 

I haven't asked for his passwords, but have highjacked his phone currently he is just reading replies, and if he has responded I can't tell.

I am going back to college and want to install a key logger cause I know he'll use the computer with me gone can someone suggest one that I don't have to get through the mail?

I don't ask for his passwords or even bring up that I know, I want quiet calm while he hangs himself. I guess I need proof that this isn't just hybrid porn to him. ( I personally don't mind him viewing porn) But this is too much for my boundries of faith. If I were doing it I would be kicked out and divorced in a nano second


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

so your plan is to go back to school and get a degree to get a better paying job and then divorce him?


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

My husband did that and when I found out I kicked him out that very day. I wanted NO part of it. I found out later that he actually got scammed a couple of times and never met anyone face to face, but to me that didn't matter one iota.

I was not gaslighted but if you have been that much, why are you still with him? Move on!!! If by some miracle he finally GETS it and truly becomes remorseful and you still want to be with him, then start from there. but right now he's just using you and you're LETTING him! Print out his profiles - what more do you need? He may or may not have gotten physical, but what does it matter? He wants to, that much is obvious. Whether he's actually dtd is totally irrelevant.

Have you had STD testing done? If not do it now.


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## madwoman (Oct 20, 2011)

ummm 28 YEARS.....

I am going back to college because I want to. I can leave whenever. 

My heart still says he's my husband, the love of my life. The father of my children.. He is all I have known for more of my life than without him.

Without him, who am I....

With him what am I....

This hurts so bad...... I have been a good wife... really good.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

madwoman said:


> ummm 28 YEARS.....
> 
> I am going back to college because I want to. I can leave whenever.


Then leave now, he isn't showing remorse, he isn't being transparent, he isn't showing you respect and love that you have given to him. So what if it's been that long, isn't that more reason for *him* to do the right thing?



madwoman said:


> Without him, who am I....


A woman who knows she deserves better than to tolerate such disrespect and abuse[/quote]



madwoman said:


> With him what am I....


a broken woman who is a shell of her former self



madwoman said:


> This hurts so bad...... I have been a good wife... really good.


No doubt and it's why you deserve better, start standing up for yourself, until you do he will NEVER treat you right. (and he still might not but at least you will have gotten away from him)


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## CH (May 18, 2010)

madwoman said:


> ummm 28 YEARS..... Do you want it to be another XX number of years of the same thing?
> 
> *I can leave whenever. *
> 
> ...


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

I was a good wife too, and I got walked all over. I ws with mine 15 years and he was a serial cheater. He had many, many, many afafirs on me. At least 10 I know of and I don't know how many I don't know of. Leaving him was a hard decision for me because of all the time and effort I put into my marriage and because I believed so so much in my vows. I felt I had to keep my vows even though he didn't keep his. What I didn't see was that his broken vows freed me of my vows. I was no longer committed to keeping my vows when he broke his. He broke the contract, I was free. 
I understand you wanting to be with him, but I saw the same behavior in my ex husband. The cheating, the lying, the gaslighting. The gaslighting from my ex was so bad that for 15 years I could not figure out what was wrong with me. I thought I must be the most stupidest person on earth. He would tell me things like he's be home by 7pm but not come home til 10pm and when I asked him about his whereabouts, he would say that he told me 10pm but I knew he had said 7pm. He would then stand firm on that 10pm and make me wrong for only "hearing what I wanted to" and "that I just never listen to him anyways" It would drive me insane. I couldn't understand how I kept being wrong time after time.
I think you should leave. He is doing you no good. 28 years is a long time to give someone but you deserve better treatment than what you are getting from him. If you don't want to divorce, at least just take some time away from himself to reflect on things. This would mean NO contact at all for a period of time.


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