# Texting other women



## idontknowu (Dec 29, 2011)

Me and my husband have been fighting a lot lately about him texting a new women he met. She is single and told him she finds him "cute". I think it's inappropriate, but he says he is doing nothing wrong. I dont think he's cheating yet, but I see it leading in that direction. I recently started snooping, which I know is wrong, and found he is texting her almost everyday. When I work late, he texts her til he goes to bed. He then deletes all the texts so I won't see them. Am I being overly jealous? BTW she is 20 and he is 45, which I find crazy!


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## GreenEyes (Jan 27, 2011)

You are in no way being over jealous!!!!!!! You are not being jealous at all IMO. Nothing good can ever come from a married person texting someone of the opposite sex, that's not family or a super close friend of the couple (and even that's touchy). Like I have told my H in the past, if you aren't doing anything wrong then you wouldn't feel the need to hide it, i.e. deleting texts, to which you will probably get the reply, as I did, "I knew you would get mad"...that's b.s....What he is doing is not right and disrespectful to you and your marriage....


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

No, you're not being overly jealous. Deleting his text history is a huge red flag; if there was nothing to hide he wouldn't need to do that. She's not looking for just a crossword puzzle partner, and he's, at a minimum, not stooping it.

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## idontknowu (Dec 29, 2011)

He met her in our neighborhood. I actually went to school with her dad! I just don't know how to go about saying anything to him now. He says he is not texting her anymore and I know he is. I feel horrible for snooping but even worse that I know this is still going on.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

So call him out on his bullsh!t. Ask him how he'd feel if u were texting some guy daily who said he found u "cute." Him deleting everything and lying about stopping contact is a huge red flag. If he respects u and the marriage, he will stop.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## GreenEyes (Jan 27, 2011)

Call him out on his lying about it, if you are absolutly sure that it is still going on. Stand up for yourself and be strong about it, don't back down. What he is doing is crap. You know better than we do what your H will respond to the most, but in my case it was stand up and don't back down....this issue is something that no married person should have to deal with, it's so disrespectful....I'm sure the driving force behind it is he is in his 40's and a 20-year-old said he was "cute" and gives him attention....so pathetic....


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Go to the infidelity forum, and do your reading on busting up an affair, assuming you want to make things work. But be prepared to deliver an ultimatum, and to mean it.

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## GreenEyes (Jan 27, 2011)

PBear: *But be prepared to deliver an ultimatum, and to mean it.*


:iagree:


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## idontknowu (Dec 29, 2011)

I know deep down I just need to find the balls to say something. Our previous fights were horrible and I really thought things were going better. I honestly thought he was done with it. I thought it had stopped...untill i looked at the phone bill tonight. Thanks Pbear I will do that. I know I can't go on living like this. I know he is treating me horrible. The sad part is we have only been married for 6 months.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

How long did you date before you got married? Are you two doing anything to address our issues?

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## idontknowu (Dec 29, 2011)

We have been together for 5yrs and lived together for 4yrs. I have talked to him numerous times about this and he thinks I'm making a big deal out of nothing. I even asked him how he would feel if it were the other way around. He said he wouldn't care. I know better! He is the kind of man that thrives on comments from people. I think this time its a little too much. I just wanted to make sure it wasn't me being jealous. I can be jealous sometimes.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Why does he even have her #? And vice versa? Print out the call & text logs and show them to him. Call him out. Put ur foot down hard. Rug sweeping this issue and hoping it will go away is not the answer. Ever. Especially in caases where there is an infidelity (or potnetial infidelity).
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## chattycathy (Aug 19, 2011)

Well, you can't make him stop but you can tell him you know what he is doing and it is not acceptable to you.
That any husband of yours must not have a 'friend' of the opposite gender nor another romantic interest. Either nor or.
He will hear you and ignore your stance and things will percolate onward until you tell him goodbye due to his independent behavior.
That is just the way it is and you state your position and deal with the fall out as you become aware of it.
You are one of the many. Know that.

Basically, you can not control another human being but you can state your position for reference. You can say what consequences there are for actions but can not force someone to behave.


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## sigma1299 (May 26, 2011)

Listen to what you've been told. Your marriage is under attack and you must act quickly and decisively if you want to defend it. I had a two month emotional affair that was all electronic, I know just how fast it happens and how consuming it is. Do not let him confuse, distract or dissuade you from the position that what he is doing is a violation of his wedding vows and wrong. Get to the infidelity section and get educated on what to do to stop this. It's going to be hard, it's going to be a fight. You have not a moment to lose. Every text he sends he gets deeper in and it will be that much harder to get him out when the fit hits the shan. Good luck. There's lots of support and good advice here.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

GreenEyes said:


> You are in no way being over jealous!!!!!!! You are not being jealous at all IMO. Nothing good can ever come from a married person texting someone of the opposite sex, that's not family or a super close friend of the couple (and even that's touchy). Like I have told my H in the past, _*if you aren't doing anything wrong then you wouldn't feel the need to hide it, i.e. deleting texts, to which you will probably get the reply, as I did, "I knew you would get mad"*_...that's b.s....What he is doing is not right and disrespectful to you and your marriage....


BEST advice!

:iagree:


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

sigma1299 said:


> Listen to what you've been told. Your marriage is under attack and you must act quickly and decisively if you want to defend it. I had a two month emotional affair that was all electronic, I know just how fast it happens and how consuming it is. Do not let him confuse, distract or dissuade you from the position that what he is doing is a violation of his wedding vows and wrong. Get to the infidelity section and get educated on what to do to stop this. It's going to be hard, it's going to be a fight. You have not a moment to lose. Every text he sends he gets deeper in and it will be that much harder to get him out when the fit hits the shan. Good luck. There's lots of support and good advice here.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Also an amazing post! :iagree::iagree:

I am going through a similar thing right now...we've only been married 3 months! You HAVE to stop feeling bad for snooping. Stop that right now. You know that you'd never feel the need to snoop if there was nothing going on.

Deliver that ultimatum now, or set yourself up for a lifetime of bullsh!t like this.


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## GreenEyes (Jan 27, 2011)

CandieGirl said:


> Also an amazing post! :iagree::iagree:
> 
> I am going through a similar thing right now...we've only been married 3 months! *You HAVE to stop feeling bad for snooping. Stop that right now. You know that you'd never feel the need to snoop if there was nothing going on.*
> 
> *Deliver that ultimatum now, or set yourself up for a lifetime of bullsh!t like this.*


:iagree: So True


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