# Women's Interests



## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

I’m sure this has been addressed in one form or another here, but I’m curious if all of you ladies, whether married or single, share the same interests as women on dating sites. There might as well be a cut-and-paste for profiles. Every woman seems to go in this direction with interests:

- loves anything outdoors
-loves the beach
-loves to laugh
- loves bonfires
- kayaking
- hiking
- traveling
-hates drama

They give the impression that these are the kind of things they do all the time. I’m wondering how someone works hard all week and then wants to go hiking or kayaking every weekend. Doesn’t anyone just like to relax anymore? 

Their written profile then sounds like a college assignment where you describe the most fascinating women you ever met. They are looking for “adventure” and want someone to “bring them out of their comfort zone” and “share all that life has to offer.” They want to be “inspired” and love to “try new things.” 

I might add that these are women in their late 40s and 50s. I guess they assume men won’t be attracted to “Plain Jane,” so they list this stuff. Just for something different, I’d like to find a profile that reads, “I’m a homebody and most people find me rather laid back. I don’t like being on the go all the time, and I like to sleep in on weekends because I have to do my laundry and house cleaning when I’m not working.” If nothing else, that would just be a break from the usual Wonder-Woman profiles. 

Is this the way most of you ladies would describe your daily life, or are you more down to earth?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I think that most guys have similar profiles. They describe the life that they want, not necessarily what their lives are really like.


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## Red Sonja (Sep 8, 2012)

I actually do kayak, I own one (a sit on top) … I fish from it during Yellow Tail season and other times just paddle around in the ocean above the kelp beds, it’s fun and very relaxing. I also hike in the local mountains … we are surrounded by beautiful mountains and trails here in Los Angeles. And, riding my bicycle, there are miles and miles of beach and wilderness bike trials in this area. 

I live in an “outdoor culture”, a beach town where the weather is always great. I do spent time just hanging out at home but mostly in the evenings. So in my case, those things are true and, no I am not Wonder Woman.

YMMV


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

Red Sonja said:


> I actually do kayak, I own one (a sit on top) … I fish from it during Yellow Tail season and other times just paddle around in the ocean above the kelp beds, it’s fun and very relaxing. I also hike in the local mountains … we are surrounded by beautiful mountains and trails here in Los Angeles. And, riding my bicycle, there are miles and miles of beach and wilderness bike trials in this area.
> 
> I live in an “outdoor culture”, a beach town where the weather is always great. I do spent time just hanging out at home but mostly in the evenings. So in my case, those things are true and, no I am not Wonder Woman.
> 
> YMMV


Thanks for sharing. So, you would consider those activities a regular norm for you and not just something you do on occasion? I assume you’re not a tv person. What kind of career do you have?


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## VibrantWings (Sep 8, 2017)

My dating profiles must have seemed rather boring compared to others if that is the norm.

I listed my likes such as reading, card games, chess, taking walks, what kinds of music I like and even some fave movies. *shrugs*


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

VibrantWings said:


> My dating profiles must have seemed rather boring compared to others if that is the norm.
> 
> I listed my likes such as reading, card games, chess, taking walks, what kinds of music I like and even some fave movies. *shrugs*


I would love to encounter a profile like that. That seems like a real person to me.


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## SA2017 (Dec 27, 2016)

my interests (I am female) but I don't have a dating profile. I am done with all that.

-God fearing/Church
-politics
-family
-gardening
-bbq'ing
-I sure love taking walks at the beach (who not?)
-going to the range
-date nights
-decorating/renovating the home 
-photoraphy
-hate lies , can't stand men that STARES at other women.
-of course I hate drama too (what decent person not?)


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

When I was on dating sites, my profiles indicated that I like to read, love old movies, am a sci-fi fan, enjoy cooking with my partner, like trying new things and exploring new places. I also said I like to fish, bird hunt, shoot, kayak and am into college football. Because all those things are entirely true. Of course I don't do all of those things every day. But, my lifestyle and hobbies are fairly typical for many of the women in my social circles. We work hard, family is important, but most of us have various (often physical and outdoor) activities that we enjoy when we get the chance. 

Now that I'm in a relationship, I actually kayak, hunt and fish less than I did when single. Because my SO doesn't enjoy those things as much as I do. But we spend a lot of time together cooking, trying new restaurants, visiting new places, shooting at the range, taking pictures, and working on various projects around the house. We also have weekends where we don't do much of anything other than read or watch TCM or cheesy sci-fi movies in our pajamas. We both work full time, enjoy our various hobbies, and often enjoy just doing nothing most or all of the evening or weekend. We don't have a frantic lifestyle by any means.


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## Elizabeth001 (May 18, 2015)

Hahaaa...mine says that I am introverted and love being happy at home. We do exist. Hahaaaa


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## Red Sonja (Sep 8, 2012)

southbound said:


> Thanks for sharing. So, you would consider those activities a regular norm for you and not just something you do on occasion? I assume you’re not a tv person. What kind of career do you have?


The biking ... several times per week. Kayaking ... average 1x per week, unless it's fishing season . Hiking ... average 2x per month.

I don't own a TV ... there is nothing I want to watch, except for basketball games and then I walk to my local sports bar to view them. Passive-entertainment for me is reading a book or playing a board game.

I am an electrical engineer and an owner of several engineering businesses ... I was able to retire early in life and now I do engineering design work (sometimes, when it's something interesting) and am involved in the management of the businesses. When I work, I work remotely 98% of the time. I am "in the office" only for board meetings, lawyer and financial meetings. I do a lot of volunteer work now but also have plenty of time for "fun".


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## wild jade (Jun 21, 2016)

I would guess that a woman who wants to be "brought out of her comfort zone" and "inspired" is bored, in a rut, and looking for a man to save her. She will enjoy "all that life has to offer" for a while, then tire of it, and probably return to whatever rut she was escaping from.

Of course, there are a lot of high-octane women out there, full of zest and energy. But they can usually find their own adventures, and don't need to fish for one from someone else.

My two cents. I don't do online dating, so am only guessing at how to read between profile lines.

Personally, I love beaches and bonfires, but am utterly indifferent to kayaking. I enjoy walking, but hiking seems too determined.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

I know a good number of women in their 50s and they aren't exactly the outdoors types anymore than my cat is. Especially the married ones.

A 50s woman going fishing? Voluntarily? What's next, driving alone?. 

I suppose it's all relative to where you live. The weather in most of the USA sucks in one way or another and year round decent weather places are either too expensive or too remote in my experience.


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## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

john117 said:


> I know a good number of women in their 50s and they aren't exactly the outdoors types anymore than my cat is.


Yeah - this is me. 

I live in a spot where outdoor activities are like breathing for most people - both men and women. And here it is year round. If there's no snow, then they're out hiking or biking or boating.

But not me. I read a lot - do a lot of research on topics I'm interested in. It does make me quite the oddball.


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## Ms. GP (Jul 8, 2013)

My guess, and this is only a guess, is the women are trying to make themselves appear more outdoorsy to not attract the sit on the couch, watch sports, and drink beer all day types.


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## I shouldnthave (Apr 11, 2018)

southbound said:


> I’m sure this has been addressed in one form or another here, but I’m curious if all of you ladies, whether married or single, share the same interests as women on dating sites. There might as well be a cut-and-paste for profiles. Every woman seems to go in this direction with interests:
> 
> - loves anything outdoors
> -loves the beach
> ...


I am 40, married (so no dating profile) - but here is a little about my "normal" life.

I work and commute 12-13 hours a day, 5 days a week - I take a train to the financial district and rat race it....

And I have a horse, and horse back ride 5 days a week, I also hike and trail run. That IS how I relax.

And I really truly do love the outdoors. I grew up in the mountains, and need lots of outside time to stay sane while urban living.

This week? Worked all week and rode after work tues-thurs. Monday and Friday nights were spent quality  time with my husband (love sex and order in evenings).

Saturday - slept in, went on a long ride, then house chores.

Saturday night Went to a concert with friends (where I had a laughing fit with my husband, total laughing hysterics, I love to laugh).

Sunday - more riding and chores, then drove to the coast, went to the beach, awesome sushi spot, then got a hot tub and sauna at a local spa.

Now holiday Monday, it's 9:00 am, I am lounging in bed - but it is gorgeous out - about to put on my running shoes, and go for a trail run before going to the stables - where I will get a work out setting up a jumping course to play around over.

About twice a month we go on little weekend trips. Maybe a road trip North and camp, maybe a hotel room in the city, and beautiful ferry rides across the bay.

I have a very active busy lifestyle. I don't watch TV, or movies, or spend much time laying around the house. I do like my lazy weekend mornings (as I don't have to get up at 5:30 like usual)


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## Red Sonja (Sep 8, 2012)

john117 said:


> A 50s woman going fishing? Voluntarily? What's next, driving alone?.


Is it possible for you to make a "funny" without insulting women or cats? What's next? Are you going to insult my dogs too? Geez.


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

I just wanted to get other opinions and see if this was real. I suppose I just wasn't raised to be doing stuff like that all the time. I see nothing wrong with any of it, but for me, hiking, kayaking, and traveling would just be something done on occasion as something special, not something I would do weekly. I just don't see how people have a full-time job, then do what needs to be done around the house, and then have the energy and desire to go climb a mountain. I'm usually satisfied with Netflix when I'm in a mood to wind down.

I'm curious as to whether people who are this active actually enjoy it all the time, or are they just in a rut. I know that may sound silly that they are in a rut. Being in a rut is usually reserved for when your life is boring, but I think some people just convince themselves that they need to be living a certain lifestyle sometimes. It never crosses their mind that it might be enjoyable to not be be so busy sometimes. I guess being an introvert drives what i do as well. I wind down with peace and quiet, not activity.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

Oops


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

I have a cat so... He'd claw me if he thought I insult cats.

I know quite a few guys who enjoy fishing. Let's just say I have yet to hear any of them mention how much their wives enjoy fishing...


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## Red Sonja (Sep 8, 2012)

john117 said:


> I know quite a few guys who enjoy fishing. Let's just say I have yet to hear any of them mention how much their wives enjoy fishing...


The world is not your limited view of it ... you need to get out more.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

john117 said:


> I have a cat so... He'd claw me if he thought I insult cats.
> 
> I know quite a few guys who enjoy fishing. Let's just say I have yet to hear any of them mention how much their wives enjoy fishing...


Awww, mean little old me here to mess up another paradigm. I enjoy fishing with my hubby just like I did with my dad when I was little.

I even drive!


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## OnTheFly (Mar 12, 2015)

.


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## DustyDog (Jul 12, 2016)

When looking for someone to add to your life, your goal is NOT to lead the same life.

Both men and women, in profiles, tend to describe the life they would prefer to have, rather than the one they do have. To some extent, whether it's practical or not depends on how close the "dream" life is to what they have now.

If I were 100% satisfied with doing life exactly the way I was doing it when single, I would have no desire to add another person. Would you?




southbound said:


> - loves anything outdoors


Modern neuroscience has shown us, unquestionably, that ALL the neurotransmitters, hormones, etc, move in a favorable direction when we are outdoors. Like all mammals, we are born without any instinct to be inside a box, and houses/buildings/offices are all boxes. They limit our freedom, and fMRI studies show that any time spent indoors triggers the brain portions that indicate a slight sense of claustrophobia.

Therefore "loves anything outdoors" is a sign that you haven't been brainwashed into thinking that artificial environments (which is everything indoors) are somehow better. IMO, it's a good sign.




southbound said:


> -loves the beach


Yet another example of our genetically ingrained outdoor preference. Outdoors is always better than indoors, based on brain chemistry studies, and outdoors with LESS man-made stuff is even better. A beach will have at least 50% of its view (the ocean) consisting predominantly of things from the Earth which spawned us and that is a very strong call to be bonded with our true Mother.



southbound said:


> -loves to laugh


Yet another thing that neuroscience has proven is highly beneficial to our physical well-being. Totally natural.



southbound said:


> - loves bonfires


This one has been growing lately. CFLs and LEDs create an artificial light that has been demonstrated to decrease seratonin levels and screw up how the brain works. We lust for "real" light. The sun is perfect. A fire is close to the sun's balance. We tend to think of "lighting" as a night-time thing and even better than "lighting" is outdoors AND lighting together.


So far, everything on that list comes directly from over 10,000 years of human existence and speaks directly to human primal urges. Anybody who does NOT have those things on their desires list is trying to violate our basic instincts for good mental and physical health.



southbound said:


> - kayaking
> - hiking
> - traveling
> -hates drama
> ...


No, I see this as an expressed desire to do more of those things...not that they do them "all the time". What is "all the time" by the way? Three times a day like brushing teeth? Once a month like paying bills?




southbound said:


> I’m wondering how someone works hard all week and then wants to go hiking or kayaking every weekend. Doesn’t anyone just like to relax anymore?


"Relaxing", based on the benefits it creates for the body and mind, is NEVER "doing nothing" or watching TV. A better word is "recreation" literally meaning to re-create yourself. Stopping what you're doing, and doing nothing, does no re-creation and does not, in any way, prepare you to begin a week of "hard" work. If work is hard, BTW, you should consider finding a job more suitable.




southbound said:


> Their written profile then sounds like a college assignment where you describe the most fascinating women you ever met. They are looking for “adventure” and want someone to “bring them out of their comfort zone” and “share all that life has to offer.” They want to be “inspired” and love to “try new things.”


Tribal expectations. Women are biologically and anthropologically supposed to be the ones that create a calm and predicable home, and men are the ones who are supposed to inject change and adventure. That's how it was 50,000 years ago, and to deny this is to deny our most basic instincts.




southbound said:


> I might add that these are women in their late 40s and 50s.


Who are sick and tired of denying what "living" is all about. "Living" is not doing the same thing every weekend. That's actually called death.




southbound said:


> I guess they assume men won’t be attracted to “Plain Jane,” so they list this stuff.


Talk about self-centered!!! They didn't write this stuff to attract you, they wrote this stuff to keep you as far away from them as possible if you don't think you can provide these things. People do not write personal ads as advertisements, seeking anybody who's interested, they are writing them to narrow down the choices so that only INTERESTING people reply. If you're not going to be interesting to her, then don't reply.




southbound said:


> Just for something different, I’d like to find a profile that reads, “I’m a homebody and most people find me rather laid back. I don’t like being on the go all the time, and I like to sleep in on weekends because I have to do my laundry and house cleaning when I’m not working.” If nothing else, that would just be a break from the usual Wonder-Woman profiles.


If that's the kind of boring person you want to meet, then you should write a profile that reads:

"Seeking a woman who's known for being laid back, who isn't fond of being on the go and who tends to sleep in on weekends and who enjoys doing laundry and house cleaning when not working".

If you want something different - then ask for it!!!!




southbound said:


> Is this the way most of you ladies would describe your daily life, or are you more down to earth?


What you call down to Earth is what I call "death before her time". I would NEVER respond to a woman's ad if it was phrased to please you!!!!

DD (not a woman)


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Red Sonja said:


> The world is not your limited view of it ... you need to get out more.


I did. To Missouri


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

personofinterest said:


> Awww, mean little old me here to mess up another paradigm. I enjoy fishing with my hubby just like I did with my dad when I was little.
> 
> I even drive!


But do you drive the fishing boat?

Obviously my stereotype is not representative of reality. But my circle is mostly working people who can't turn everything off and go to their adventure. Not at age 45 or 50. I'm sure the narrative is different for other age groups and locations, as well as marital status. Some people enjoy sharing all activities with their partners, some don't. 

I think participating in such activities at that age is very indicative of health, active mindset, a bit of nature lover, and so on. Also indicative of income and free time. So it's a positive, much like cycling would be (something I've done for a few years now). 

By and large, tho, an active lifestyle at 50+ is all about energy and resources. As a potential dating partner I would welcome this indicator yet also think about the type of interaction I could achieve with someone who has a lot of "distractions".


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

DustyDog said:


> When looking for someone to add to your life, your goal is NOT to lead the same life.
> 
> Both men and women, in profiles, tend to describe the life they would prefer to have, rather than the one they do have. To some extent, whether it's practical or not depends on how close the "dream" life is to what they have now.


^^^^ This is what I think is going on. People post about what they want their life to be and they are looking for someone to share it with. By looking around at people in their 40s and 50s, I’ll bet most of them couldn’t paddle a kayak more than 100 feet. I think these women are saying they need more exercise and someone to exercise with would be ideal.


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## veganmermaid (Jun 17, 2016)

I’m a professional white-collar woman and most of my friends and I work hard all week *and* then go hiking, kayaking, camping, rock climbing. I have a very laid-back personality *and* I work hard all week, then, most weekends, take off to the mountains to hike and camp. I don’t think those things are mutually exclusive.


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

veganmermaid said:


> I’m a professional white-collar woman and most of my friends and I work hard all week *and* then go hiking, kayaking, camping, rock climbing. I have a very laid-back personality *and* I work hard all week, then, most weekends, take off to the mountains to hike and camp. I don’t think those things are mutually exclusive.


I suppose it depends on how physical the work is. I know people who irk construction and operate a farm. They’re not usually hoping for more physical activity after work.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

When someone says they hate drama, that could mean that they are always in the middle of drama and are looking for someone calm that won't freak out at their manipulative and controlling ways.


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## Elizabeth001 (May 18, 2015)

southbound said:


> I suppose it depends on how physical the work is. I know people who irk construction and operate a farm. They’re not usually hoping for more physical activity after work.




*raises hand*


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

veganmermaid said:


> I’m a professional white-collar woman and most of my friends and I work hard all week *and* then go hiking, kayaking, camping, rock climbing. I have a very laid-back personality *and* I work hard all week, then, most weekends, take off to the mountains to hike and camp. I don’t think those things are mutually exclusive.


How close are you to the 40-50 and single demographic? In 2018, with separation in progress, prepping the McMansion for sale, and a cross country move for DD1 it's been a good weekend when I get some rest. A year ago I was doing 100 miles a week cycling, not a lot by Strava-head standards but pretty good for a 57 year old. 

My younger girl spent a couple weeks with her mom on break. She reported that with a 600 SQ ft urban loft, a rather easy 8 hour job, and no commute s-wife is training like it's the freaking Olympics. Again, a function of energy and resources.


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## Elizabeth001 (May 18, 2015)

My job isn’t terribly physical now but I have led a life of manual labor and do not desire to run a marathon on my weekends, that’s for sure. I do love being outside and am not a couch potato but enjoy puttering around my yard. I worked hard to have this place and enjoy making it a place I want to be. Today I planted dahlia bulbs 

I do enjoy hiking but that mostly means a nice stroll through the woods at a local park to me. I haven’t been camping in years (XH wasn’t into it) but I wouldn’t mind a weekend camping at the OBX if it had someone to go with. It’s not something I would enjoy doing alone. 

XH and I used to go to Jamaica every couple of years but the last time we went, I really missed my dogs so I probably wouldn’t travel anywhere they couldn’t go...they (I) have separation anxiety. Hahaa

Everyone is different I suppose. 

I also feel that if someone mentions drama on their profile, they probably attract it so I do not respond to those guys. 


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

Elizabeth001 said:


> I also feel that if someone mentions drama on their profile, they probably attract it so I do not respond to those guys.


Wise choice. You are most likely correct.


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

Well, I suppose we have the neuroscience version of things. While I'm sure there is truth to that, not everyone fits that mold. There are those who prefer indoors to outdoors



DustyDog said:


> "Relaxing", based on the benefits it creates for the body and mind, is NEVER "doing nothing" or watching TV. A better word is "recreation" literally meaning to re-create yourself. Stopping what you're doing, and doing nothing, does no re-creation and does not, in any way, prepare you to begin a week of "hard" work. If work is hard, BTW, you should consider finding a job more suitable.


I believe that depends on the person. I am an introvert, and I recharge my battery by surrounding myself with peace and quiet and avoiding activity; sometimes tv fits that. If I participate in an activity, it's because I'm doing it for the activity, but not to relax. It reminds me of an original Star Trek episode where they had found a planet similar to Earth, and they were going to beam down for r&r. When Spock was asked why he wasn't beaming down, he said he didn't understand the concept of running through fields to relax. If he wanted to relax, he would do it in his quarters. I could relate to that. 



DustyDog said:


> Who are sick and tired of denying what "living" is all about. "Living" is not doing the same thing every weekend. That's actually called death.
> 
> What you call down to Earth is what I call "death before her time". I would NEVER respond to a woman's ad if it was phrased to please you!!!!


Living is whatever you do that you enjoy. For me, death would be never having down-time and being on the go all the time. I would consider that low quality of life for me.


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## DustyDog (Jul 12, 2016)

CynthiaDe said:


> ^^^^ This is what I think is going on. People post about what they want their life to be and they are looking for someone to share it with. By looking around at people in their 40s and 50s, I’ll bet most of them couldn’t paddle a kayak more than 100 feet. I think these women are saying they need more exercise and someone to exercise with would be ideal.


Oddly, the statistics don't quite support that. The American Association of Retired People quotes WedMD, the NIH and CDC in claiming that, on average:

- Once the kids are grown and gone, Mom and Dad become more active, spend more time outdoors, lose weight, and get into the greatest fitness levels of their lives
- From 1960 onward, each succeeding generation is less healthy than the previous one, with the healthiest Americans, as an age group, being those born from 1950 to 1960. That's the last generation born before video games were common.

However, we don't tend to be big spenders. Kayaking is expensive enough and requires some pretty heavy duty training, and as such, is in/near the realm of an elitist activity, so it tends to pander to the younger generation.


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## DustyDog (Jul 12, 2016)

southbound said:


> I suppose it depends on how physical the work is. I know people who irk construction and operate a farm. They’re not usually hoping for more physical activity after work.


That's weird. I live in farm country. Most here work a high-tech job, high stress, then they come home and "do the farm". To them, sitting in front of a TV simply doesn't work - after being productive for the boss, then being productive for the animals, they feel a need to "be productive" for themselves. They go fishing, swimming in the ocean, snow-skiing during the season, hunting...most are serious introverts, so they do these activities by themselves or just with significant other.

Most people, who get engaged in physical activity, want MORE of it. Physical activity itself stimuates neurotransmitters that increase the desire for more of it.

However, "physical" in this case means aerobic...most "physically demanding" jobs that I've had were not aerobic. They required muscular strength to lift heavy things, such as when I worked in a plant that did metal coating, and part of my job was to empty 200 pound boxes of bolts into chemical tanks. I was beat - but not exercised. I think that's horrible work to make any person do.

Interestingly enough, I got to attend a seminar for people who did that kind of work. Road crew workers. A study showed that they live a very short life - unless they workout or have active sport-like avocations. Then they live longer than average, because they get both kinds of exercise - muscle-building and aerobic.


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## wild jade (Jun 21, 2016)

southbound said:


> I'm curious as to whether people who are this active actually enjoy it all the time, or are they just in a rut. I know that may sound silly that they are in a rut. Being in a rut is usually reserved for when your life is boring, but I think some people just convince themselves that they need to be living a certain lifestyle sometimes. *It never crosses their mind that it might be enjoyable to not be be so busy sometimes.* I guess being an introvert drives what i do as well. I wind down with peace and quiet, not activity.


I think some people really can't stand to sit still for any period of time. They don't want quiet, they don't want to be left alone with their thoughts. They want to be up, moving around, making the most of every moment.

Personally, I'm exhausted from working and daily chores, and so really love my down time when I have no demands, and can just sit and watch the world go by. To me that IS making the most of every moment. At the same time, I also love travel, trying new things and laughing .... and so, you know, it's about personality and overall energy levels. Everyone is different.


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## Laurentium (May 21, 2017)

CynthiaDe said:


> When someone says they hate drama, that could mean that they are always in the middle of drama and are looking for someone calm that won't freak out at their manipulative and controlling ways.


I generally wouldn't respond to anyone who states what they don't want.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

The 50s is a great time to do all these things assuming there is time. If you're retired or semi-retired or have a trust fund then things work well. If you still have college kids and a house to deal with... 

In retrospect it's about achieving a balance between things physical and things cerebral. I love cycling but I'm not going to do the tour de France every week. I have employees who do the active lifestyle described but they're 25 to 30, single or no children... 

It also depends on ones mental health or lack thereof. I have ADHD and there's absolutely no way I'm sitting on a rock waiting for captain Ahab's whale to bite the worm. 

Would I emphasize cycling on an OLD profile? Not likely because the chance of getting a KOM type who wants to cycle to Louisville and back every Saturday isn't quite appealing. I'd mention it but casually at best.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

DustyDog said:


> Kayaking is expensive enough and requires some pretty heavy duty training, and as such, is in/near the realm of an elitist activity, so it tends to pander to the younger generation.


I think this points to another issue that may be clouding the waters. What do various people mean when they say they enjoy things like kayaking?

*DD* describes kayaking as expensive, requiring a lot of training, and as in the realm of an elitist activity. That's pretty much the opposite of my experience with it. We don't do white water kayaking here, nor do we take out sea kayaks for offshore adventure (I've done both). So, when the local ladies get together to kayak on the weekends around here, it's a very different experience from those things. We've mostly all got setups that totaled up to less than $1,000, some as little as $300, which is expensive but not appallingly so when compared to the gear required for a lot of other recreational activities. We each pack a cooler of something to share, we put in at a river landing and basically do an unhurried paddle/drift through the wild river swamps for however many hours, take out at our chosen landing and share a picnic of the snacks and goodies we've brought. Then everyone goes home to do whatever else they had on tap for the rest of the day. The big group trips are usually between 4 and 6 hours and happen once a month or so, with smaller groups getting together on the fly around weekly for shorter trips. It's not frantic, it's not hectic, it's possible to get into it with borrowed equipment for free and there's no training beyond basic paddle usage that most of us learned on the water in childhood and a few dos and do-nots related to navigation, packing your gear, the local wildlife, and what to do when you flip over and end up underwater. It's not an elite or extreme sport by any means. The obvious dangers of any water sport or outdoor activity certainly apply, but with some common sense and basic outdoor awareness, it's basically a quiet meditative activity - like a good long walk in the woods. With wine and munchies at the end. 

So, perhaps things like kayaking or hiking or trying new things sound onerous, frantic, and off-putting to some because what various people mean by those things can be very different. Is that competitive white-water kayaking or wine-and-cheese kayaking? Does hiking mean mountain climbing or walking trails at the local wildlife management area? Does trying new things mean a constant search for novelty and an inability to be content with anything, or does it just mean you'd personally hate always ordering the same thing from the menu at the same restaurant on "date-night" once a week? And isn't the process of dating designed to allow you to find the answers to those questions so that you wind up with someone you're actually compatible with?


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Balance. It's all about balance...at what works for the individual. Personally I know all of the type of folks mentioned and their recreational activities vary. Yes, some are similar but intensities of their particular activities vary over time. 

I have high tech high stress job, sometimes I end up walking a lot, sometimes being speaker for large groups, sometimes a lot of CAD and doc work... and that can dictate that weeks - weekend activities. 

I've seen evidence many are the same.


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## I shouldnthave (Apr 11, 2018)

southbound said:


> I suppose it depends on how physical the work is. I know people who irk construction and operate a farm. They’re not usually hoping for more physical activity after work.


And this may be the difference.

I grew up in a ranching / rual community, I get the tired by labor thing. I used to always work at the stables after school and summer growing up - did a lot of physical labor like bringing hay in from the fields.

But these days? I live downtown in a city of a million. I join a couple other hundred thousand people and head into the financial district every day and work behind a desk.

And every chance I get, I go get out in nature. I ride my horse, I go hiking, I go to the beach (right now I am on the way to work and noticing how sore I am from my active weekend).

You weren't raised to be active all the time - and I was raised to believe that TV was an absolute waste of time. I rather "relax" by quietly grooming my horse, rather than plopped down on the couch any day.

But that very well be because my paid work does not tax my body.


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## Elizabeth001 (May 18, 2015)

DustyDog said:


> However, "physical" in this case means aerobic...most "physically demanding" jobs that I've had were not aerobic. They required muscular strength to lift heavy things, such as when I worked in a plant that did metal coating, and part of my job was to empty 200 pound boxes of bolts into chemical tanks. I was beat - but not exercised. I think that's horrible work to make any person do.


Chrome plating by chance? 







Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

As an aside, the flippin ads bordering this thread in my web browser have shifted to Kayaks.


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

I shouldnthave said:


> And every chance I get, I go get out in nature. I ride my horse, I go hiking, I go to the beach (right now I am on the way to work and noticing how sore I am from my active weekend).
> 
> You weren't raised to be active all the time - and I was raised to believe that TV was an absolute waste of time. I rather "relax" by quietly grooming my horse, rather than plopped down on the couch any day.


Actually, I was raised to be active all the time, but not "recreational active." I live in a rural area, and I grew up with a grandfather who owned a farm, and we spent a lot of time working on it outside of school, and that was back when there wasn't as much modern technology, so it required a little more physical labor. We weren't allowed to be indoors watching tv when it was nice weather outside. 

I currently live on that farm. I work a public career, so we have scaled down the farm work, but I live in a very rural area. There is not another house in sight of mine. I have creeks, ponds, streams, fields, woods, and I can look out my door anytime and probably see wild turkey and deer. It's similar to living in the Smokey Mountains. So, going on a hike or nature walk is not much of an added thrill to me. I get enough hiking when I walk the fence line checking for issues. Before I'm done, I've waded creeks, climbed hills, walked in fields, and walked in woods. I also don't care for camping, at least not how people do it around here. 

I used to think camping meant a tent and campfire, but people around here buy their campers with all the comforts of home, and drive to the county lake and park for the weekend. If I were going to do that, I would just stay at home. It's quieter and more rural at my house than the county lake. 

I suppose it's all the mental process of how one views it. If I'm going to put forth physical activity, I like it to achieve something. For example, when I walk my fence line, I'm getting in what most people would call a nature walk or hike and completing a job at the same time. that's why I could never do an exercise routine for any length of time. I realize it helps keep one healthy, but whenever I was exercising, I was always thinking, "wouldn't it be nice if all this physical activity and sweat that I'm producing on this exercise could be putting those 200 bales of hay in the barn or fencing off a field." 

I suppose it's about balance with me too, but perhaps in a different way than most. Honestly, I actually enjoy watching tv in the evenings. It's very relaxing to me, and I guess I view being in by the air conditioner or a nice cozy house in the winter as a reward for work; I do enjoy it at times. I have no desire to fill every waking moment with an activity. While that may be living life to the fullest for most, it is not to me.


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## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

southbound said:


> I suppose it's all the mental process of how one views it. If I'm going to put forth physical activity, I like it to achieve something.


This is exactly how I am. I'm driven by purpose in almost everything. Even my travel. It's much more satisfying and enjoyable for me.


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## I shouldnthave (Apr 11, 2018)

southbound said:


> . I am an introvert, and I recharge my battery by surrounding myself with peace and quiet and *avoiding activity*; sometimes tv fits that. If I participate in an activity, it's because I'm doing it for the activity, but not to relax.
> 
> *Living is whatever you do that you enjoy*. For me, death would be never having down-time and being on the go all the time. I would consider that low quality of life for me.


Well you are just going to have to find one who shares your views. I have introvert qualities as well, but how we live those out is very very different. 

I avoid PEOPLE not activity. I go out by myself. I ride alone. I hike alone. 

To me? TV is is "death" - Watching TV causes the brain to become inactive - less active than sleeping or walking. Tends to negatively affect mood, attention span - Personally I find very few redeeming qualities when it comes to TV. I rather spend quiet time reading, playing fetch with my dog or just watching the clouds roll by. 




wild jade said:


> I think some people really can't stand to sit still for any period of time. They don't want quiet, they don't want to be left alone with their thoughts. They want to be up, moving around, making the most of every moment.


While I agree, some people like to be active most of the time - I disagree that they do not have time for their thoughts then. For many people, a solo hike, a paddle out - that IS their quiet time to be lost in reflection. By contrast, TV or movies for example, not only make the watcher physically inactive, but also distracts them from their thoughts.


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## DustyDog (Jul 12, 2016)

Elizabeth001 said:


> Chrome plating by chance?
> 
> NOt much, no. These were production volumes of bolts, nuts, washers, and we were doing whatever atmospheric plating was common at the time. IF alumininum, it would have been irridite or anodize, if steel it would have been zinc-cadmium. Shiny chrome is all but gone, since it was determined to be a health hazard like lead.


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## DustyDog (Jul 12, 2016)

I shouldnthave said:


> While I agree, some people like to be active most of the time - I disagree that they do not have time for their thoughts then. For many people, a solo hike, a paddle out - that IS their quiet time to be lost in reflection. By contrast, TV or movies for example, not only make the watcher physically inactive, but also distracts them from their thoughts.


No kidding. My very best thinking occurs on hikes and while running. I went to an exhibit on how the brain works, and this actually makes sense. "Creativity" is when the conscious and unconcscious mind can meet, and flooding the brain with oxygen is needed. You can get this creative burst if you're able to wake yourself up just before you fall asleep. Thomas Edison famously sat in his easy chair with a handful of marbles. As he drifted off to sleep, the marbles fell, waking him up, and he wrote down his brainstorm ideas. I take my phone when running and when a brainstorm hits me, I record it on the audio recorder.


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## DustyDog (Jul 12, 2016)

Rowan said:


> I think this points to another issue that may be clouding the waters. What do various people mean when they say they enjoy things like kayaking?
> 
> *DD* describes kayaking as expensive, requiring a lot of training, and as in the realm of an elitist activity. That's pretty much the opposite of my experience with it. We don't do white water kayaking here, nor do we take out sea kayaks for offshore adventure (I've done both). So, when the local ladies get together to kayak on the weekends around here, it's a very different experience from those things. We've mostly all got setups that totaled up to less than $1,000, some as little as $300, which is expensive but not appallingly so when compared to the gear required for a lot of other recreational activities.


Ham radio is said to be expensive. In 40 years of it, I spent less than $1000. I do not personally own anything worth more than $1000, except one of my two cars, and a house. Even $300 is a LOT for most of us in the 99%, and then there's the question of where to store it.

I blew the budget on my mountain bike in 2003, at $350. It's only needed tires since then, and I don't have to drive anywhere to use it.

I assume a certain amount of training, because the kayakers I know all have frightening stories of how to stay upright, then how to right yourself when you flip, and not drown.




Rowan said:


> Does trying new things mean a constant search for novelty and an inability to be content with anything, or does it just mean you'd personally hate always ordering the same thing from the menu at the same restaurant on "date-night" once a week? And isn't the process of dating designed to allow you to find the answers to those questions so that you wind up with someone you're actually compatible with?


I like that outlook.

Sadly, I've concluded that I'm an "A". Never content. Actually, lately, the way I've fouled up my life, been wishing most nights that I would not survive the night. I couldn't bring myself to take action on that hope, but it is a hope.


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## Elizabeth001 (May 18, 2015)

DustyDog said:


> Elizabeth001 said:
> 
> 
> > Chrome plating by chance?
> ...


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

I'm a guy and those all sound great to me. I'm not a huge fan or the beach, but otherwise all those sound good. I think they are things that a lot of humans enjoy.

I work hard, but I find those things relaxing. Obviously can't do them all every weekend, but they are fun things that I do pretty frequently (Kayaking not so often because there isn't a suitable place nearby but I do enjoy it).




southbound said:


> I’m sure this has been addressed in one form or another here, but I’m curious if all of you ladies, whether married or single, share the same interests as women on dating sites. There might as well be a cut-and-paste for profiles. Every woman seems to go in this direction with interests:
> 
> - loves anything outdoors
> -loves the beach
> ...


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

DustyDog said:


> If work is hard, BTW, you should consider finding a job more suitable.


It's interesting as to how people in different walks of life view work. I'm also on a farming/ranching forum, and those guys are always talking about how most people don't know what real work is anymore. It's difficult for them to find good help on the farm because nobody wants to get started early, and nobody wants to work over 5 hours a day because it's "too hard." I j sut saw a post from a guy who said he is taking a short break because this has been his duties in the last few days:

- put a roof on his and brother's house
- worked 100 acres of hay into bales
-cut several logs for the mill(I can affirm that cutting logs is no easy task)
- worked and vaccinated 100 head of cattle

The list goes on


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

My wife and I are both in our mid 50s. Both work engineering / science / high-tech jobs.

We go for a walk outdoors - woods, hills, etc, pretty much every week, often both weekend days. 

We go on big trips ~4X/year. Those may involve mountain hiking, or river / ocean kayaking. Sometimes just exploring new places. We go on couple of day trips more often - again a similar mix of things, but closer to home. 

Very occasionally we take purely "relaxing" trips, but most of the time we mix some time relaxing and some time doing active things (like parapenting)


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## I shouldnthave (Apr 11, 2018)

DustyDog said:


> If work is hard, BTW, you should consider finding a job more suitable.





southbound said:


> It's interesting as to how people in different walks of life view work. I'm also on a farming/ranching forum, and those guys are always talking about how most people don't know what real work is anymore. It's difficult for them to find good help on the farm because nobody wants to get started early, and nobody wants to work over 5 hours a day because it's "too hard." I j sut saw a post from a guy who said he is taking a short break because this has been his duties in the last few days:
> 
> - put a roof on his and brother's house
> - worked 100 acres of hay into bales
> ...


Well, that is PHYSICAL work. That is the type of work that will tax your body. Some people do the type of work that is mentally taxing, but not physically taxing. 

Most people can't keep up long days doing physically taxing work in their advanced years. Physical work in this economy tends to not pay as well as other professions. Tends to not provide the same advancement opportunities. 

From the ranching families I knew, it tended to be a family affair - big families, lots of kids to help out, hired hands weren't as common as blood related ones. Family members have a stake in the outcome of the operation - hired hands? Bust a$$ all day for low pay and not a lot of return? Yeah, its getting harder and harder to find people that would find that line of work appealing. 

Me? My work is mentally taxing. Fairly high stress. I have whole teams of attorneys to be accountable to every day, huge sums of money and liabilities to over watch. Its been hard to find someone to hire, as many bulk at the high pressure, and can't handle this type of stress. Also, our days tend to be of the 10 hour plus variety. 

I do great with it (the stress) - because I also do a lot of decompressing - my hikes, my solo time in nature, my chores out at the stables. Would you believe I actually enjoy cleaning stalls after a long day at the office? Some get paid to shovel horse s***, I do it for pleasure


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## DustyDog (Jul 12, 2016)

southbound said:


> It's interesting as to how people in different walks of life view work. I'm also on a farming/ranching forum, and those guys are always talking about how most people don't know what real work is anymore. It's difficult for them to find good help on the farm because nobody wants to get started early, and nobody wants to work over 5 hours a day because it's "too hard." I j sut saw a post from a guy who said he is taking a short break because this has been his duties in the last few days:
> 
> - put a roof on his and brother's house
> - worked 100 acres of hay into bales
> ...


But you notice they DO this work and are not looking to change. I'm surrounded by farmers, some of them nearing 100, and their day is not done unless they do something physically demanding. It is what drives them, makes them want to get up in the morning.

To a certain extent, they find it difficult to believe that people who DON'T work this hard can survive past 50.


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## PigglyWiggly (May 1, 2018)

DustyDog said:


> But you notice they DO this work and are not looking to change. I'm surrounded by farmers, some of them nearing 100, and their day is not done unless they do something physically demanding. It is what drives them, makes them want to get up in the morning.
> 
> To a certain extent, they find it difficult to believe that people who DON'T work this hard can survive past 50.


Many chaplains who work in hospice care have revealed what men told them in their last days. They told them that they worked too much and didn't spend enough time with their family and friends. I took this to heart and have made work/life balance changes. I am also reminded of this quote:

The Dalai Lama, when asked what surprised him most about humanity, he said:

“Man.
Because he sacrifices his health in order to make money.
Then he sacrifices money to recuperate his health.
And then he is so anxious about the future that he does not enjoy the present;
the result being that he does not live in the present or the future;
he lives as if he is never going to die, and then dies having never really lived.”


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

We've touched several different angles in this thread, but concerning the kayaking, hiking, traveling, and the constant desire for activity, I guess that's just not the environment I was raised in. I know everyone doesn't go with how they were raised, but I guess I must have been good with it. I’m not putting that kind of thing down, but it just seems so different than how I was raised, I wanted to know if it was real or just people fantasizing. 

I grew up in the 70s. Money-wise, we were middle class, but nobody in my neighborhood had a boat, camper, kayak, or longed for the beach every year. We went to the lake a couple of times with my uncle who lived away, and that was considered a treat and not a routine, but it didn't cause us to crave going to the lake. All the adults worked public work, and then stayed busy gardening or farming. We would have cook-outs on occasion. People liked to visit and socialize. We would attend local festivals. We went to The Smokey Mountains and Graceland once. My parents would take us kids places that we wanted to go like theme parks and such, but nobody that I grew up around seemed to have the need to constantly be involved in an organized recreational activity. As a kid, my summers were spent riding bicycles with my cousin and riding go-carts or roaming the woods. I probably didn’t even know what kayaking was back then. The mood that I recall was that everybody seemed happy as a lark, adults and kids alike, and I have always described my childhood as being great. So, I guess I'm just like I was raised and enjoy that lifestyle.


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## wild jade (Jun 21, 2016)

The difference is just one of geography, isn't it?

When I was a kid, I spent a lot of time riding my bike or roaming the woods too. I rode to the lake a fair shake too, but it was more of an adventure because it was farther away. Just recently, though, I went to a friend's family cottage. They grew up kayaking and swimming .... because, well, they live on an island surrounded by water.

There really isn't a whole lot of difference between riding your bike all over the place and kayaking in terms of activity level. 

As for going to festivals .... why would you want to do all that partying? Why weren't you happy just staying home? (See what I'm saying?)


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## wild jade (Jun 21, 2016)

Or, for that matter, what's the difference between "roaming the woods" and "hiking"? 

Maybe you're overlooking some really compatible women!


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

wild jade said:


> There really isn't a whole lot of difference between riding your bike all over the place and kayaking in terms of activity level.


You are probably correct, but I'm talking about things I did as a kid. I don't ride a bicycle anymore. If I did, I could at least do it near my home; I wouldn't have to travel somewhere to do it, and I just don't feel the thrill of doing it as an adult. 



wild jade said:


> As for going to festivals .... why would you want to do all that partying? Why weren't you happy just staying home? (See what I'm saying?)


I'm not talking about Mardi Gras type things. I'm talking about things like a "Pumpkin Festival" that was 5 miles away where everyone walked around looking at arts & crafts booths and drinking lemonade. That was once a year; we weren't looking for a festival every time we had a spare moment. 



wild jade said:


> Or, for that matter, what's the difference between "roaming the woods" and "hiking"?


Probably nothing is different, but the woods was out my back door when I was a kid and it was just a natural playground as opposed to having a park across the street. As an adult, I get my fill of nature walks doing farming chores. I don't see the thrill in driving to a park and going on a nature trail.


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## I shouldnthave (Apr 11, 2018)

You will simply have to find someone who is content with a quiet and simple lifestyle.

I can tell you it wouldn't work for me at all. Like you say, it probably comes down to how you were raised.

I was raised by a father full of wonderlust. We lived near the coast, because when he got in his old truck and started driving west from Pittsburgh, that is where he ended up.

We lived in the country / redwoods, we rode our horses around town, went to the community forth of July festivals, and egg hunts and what not - gatherings where you knew everyone and their grandma.

But we also went on road trips all the time. Grand mini adventures. Picked a direction and went. Explored awe inspiring granite valleys, crystal blue crater lakes, bubbling volcanic coldrons, stunning cliffs dropping to the Pacific. 

We would go to new places and try foods we had never before eaten. Go to concerts and hear types of music we had never heard.

And when I look at my life today, it is very much like the one my father has lived. My husband and I even have a "road trip car" which converts into a camper - because we go on lots of weekend adventures. Maybe the mountains, or the desert, or the coast, or a city like Denver, Los Angeles or Portland.

It's how I was raised and it's what I enjoy.

Find a woman who was raised like you, or at the very least seeks like lifestyle.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

I shouldnthave said:


> I can tell you it wouldn't work for me at all. Like you say, it probably comes down to how you were raised.


:iagree:

As I mentioned earlier, my lifestyle is pretty similar to most of the people in my circles and with whom I was raised. We live in a place that's filled to the brim with forests, lakes, ponds, rivers and streams. We're less than an hour by car to the ocean and the beach. People in my culture hunt what's in season for both food and sport, we fish in those ponds and other water ways. We swim, walk the woods. Before kayaks became a thing, everyone owned a canoe and paddled that down the river on weekend trips. We do all this stuff because that's what there is to do around here. No one is out every single day. But evenings and weekends, most people will find something they enjoy doing to pass the time. People in small rural towns make their own fun. It just so happens that much of that fun in this area involves the abundant natural resources and is active and outdoors.


OP, I do think you may be succumbing to a bit of black/white thinking on all this. Most rational people will list their hobbies and things they enjoy in their online dating profiles. That does not in any way mean that they are incapable of spending time on the couch watching television or quietly reading or simply meditating in the outdoors. It also doesn't mean they are out every single waking moment in pursuit of activity. That you assume it does indicates that you're engaged in all-or-nothing, black-or-white, sorts of thought patterns. When the real world is made up of a wide variety of interesting shades of gray. 

Just because someone likes steak doesn't automatically mean they want to eat steak three meals a day for the rest of their lives. Just because someone enjoys college football doesn't automatically mean they order their lives around attending every Vols game no matter what. Just because someone enjoys the beach or hiking or kayaking, doesn't automatically mean they are slavering to enjoy those things every waking moment every single day for the rest of their lives either. There are people who will be exceptionally committed to their interests and hobbies. They won't be compatible with you, nor you with them. But to imagine that every woman who mentions she enjoys the beach or likes to hike or is into cycling is some over-the-top devotee who's concealing an inability to sit still, is just...odd and a bit irrational.

However, if you want a woman who professes to enjoy nothing but the sort of things you would feel ideal, then you should put that in your profile. Say what sort of woman you're looking for. Be honest. And you should absolutely screen out women who aren't that type. There will be women who are drawn to your lifestyle. Just be aware that by holding to your polarized view, you're likely limiting the pool of acceptable women to a large - and likely unnecessary - degree.


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## UpsideDownWorld11 (Feb 14, 2018)

Every woman on OLD loves hiking. I went on a few dates with them and what it seems to mean is they hiked once or twice before and they liked it so they list that as a hobby. Most people are pretty boring or busy and not out hiking every weekend.


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

I shouldnthave said:


> You will simply have to find someone who is content with a quiet and simple lifestyle.
> 
> Find a woman who was raised like you, or at the very least seeks like lifestyle.


I'm sure you are correct, but it's beginning to appear there is nobody out there like that, and that is a shocker to me since nobody was Mr. Adventure when I was growing up. We were just "common people." I know that's a dirty word these days and nobody wants to be "common" anymore, but that's how I would describe it. I also didn't have to worry about this for a long time because I was married for 18 years, so I didn't give it much thought. Now that I'm single, it appears every woman is Ms. Adventure. Nobody likes catching a movie or sitting in the porch swing anymore. 




Rowan said:


> As I mentioned earlier, my lifestyle is pretty similar to most of the people in my circles and with whom I was raised. We live in a place that's filled to the brim with forests, lakes, ponds, rivers and streams. We're less than an hour by car to the ocean and the beach. People in my culture hunt what's in season for both food and sport, we fish in those ponds and other water ways. We swim, walk the woods. Before kayaks became a thing, everyone owned a canoe and paddled that down the river on weekend trips. We do all this stuff because that's what there is to do around here. No one is out every single day. But evenings and weekends, most people will find something they enjoy doing to pass the time. People in small rural towns make their own fun. It just so happens that much of that fun in this area involves the abundant natural resources and is active and outdoors.
> 
> 
> OP, I do think you may be succumbing to a bit of black/white thinking on all this. Most rational people will list their hobbies and things they enjoy in their online dating profiles. That does not in any way mean that they are incapable of spending time on the couch watching television or quietly reading or simply meditating in the outdoors. It also doesn't mean they are out every single waking moment in pursuit of activity. That you assume it does indicates that you're engaged in all-or-nothing, black-or-white, sorts of thought patterns. When the real world is made up of a wide variety of interesting shades of gray.


I'm sure you are right. I guess I just want to know what a person is like stripped down to who they really are on a daily basis as opposed to whether they like to hike once in a while. I guess that's different than what most people want to see in a profile. If someone is so exhausted from their job that they usually just crash every evening, I'd rather know that than the fact that they like kayaking on occasion. 

I am actually in a local band and play some dates on occasion, but I don't even list that in my profile because I don't feel like that is what defines me, and it really doesn't affect my everyday life or my personality. 




Rowan said:


> However, if you want a woman who professes to enjoy nothing but the sort of things you would feel ideal, then you should put that in your profile. Say what sort of woman you're looking for. Be honest. And you should absolutely screen out women who aren't that type. There will be women who are drawn to your lifestyle. Just be aware that by holding to your polarized view, you're likely limiting the pool of acceptable women to a large - and likely unnecessary - degree.


I do. Within my profile description, I state that I am a guy who likes the simple things in life, I'm not on-the-go all the time, and I don't lead a stressful life.


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## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

UpsideDownWorld11 said:


> Every woman on OLD loves hiking. I went on a few dates with them and what it seems to mean is they hiked once or twice before and they liked it so they list that as a hobby. Most people are pretty boring or busy and not out hiking every weekend.


Again, it depends where you live. 

Here, people are active and outside _all the time_. Before their shifts, after their shifts. Days off. Holidays. Vacations.

It makes my head numb.


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## DustyDog (Jul 12, 2016)

PigglyWiggly said:


> Many chaplains who work in hospice care have revealed what men told them in their last days. They told them that they worked too much and didn't spend enough time with their family and friends. I took this to heart and have made work/life balance changes. I am also reminded of this quote:
> 
> The Dalai Lama, when asked what surprised him most about humanity, he said:
> 
> ...


I am deep in hospice...90% of my closest friends are hospice nurses and chaplains. And I have heard what you have heard, and I have asked exporatory questions, and both nurses and chaplains have agreed that those who work in factories are more likely to wish they'd worked less, while those who worked outdoors, in concert with nature, don't tend to complain about it nearly as much. It's not a job that you do for money, it's a job you do because it fills your spirit - making food for others is apparently far more rewarding than making cell phones.

I respect the Dalai Lama more than anybody else, and he has said favorable things about those who choose, as a living, work that provides sustance for others, and he has also noted how much healther are those who work outside of buildings. "Nature not make flat walls and square corners and in history of mankind, our brains not changed to work better with them."


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

southbound said:


> I’m sure this has been addressed in one form or another here, but I’m curious if all of you ladies, whether married or single, share the same interests as women on dating sites. There might as well be a cut-and-paste for profiles. Every woman seems to go in this direction with interests:
> 
> - loves anything outdoors
> -loves the beach
> ...


This is pretty much what my wife's profile said. I married her.


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

PigglyWiggly said:


> DustyDog said:
> 
> 
> > But you notice they DO this work and are not looking to change. I'm surrounded by farmers, some of them nearing 100, and their day is not done unless they do something physically demanding. It is what drives them, makes them want to get up in the morning.
> ...


I agree 100% with Dalia Lama. I’ve always felt that people spend too much time working, but I lump some of the stuff in there that some call recreation. I’ve just never cared to be “on the go” all the time. 
It seems like people just fill their life with business; if it’s not work, it some sort of other on the go stuff. I just don’t get it. 

Perhaps it’s where I live. As I stated before, I live in a rural area with not a house in sight. It’s like the Smokey Mountains. I don’t really feel the need to get away and explore. I feel like I’ve got paradise out my front door. I guess if I live in an urban area where the houses were ten feet apart and all I could see was concrete, I might feel the need to be on the go more too.


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## Betrayedone (Jan 1, 2014)

I shouldnthave said:


> I am 40, married (so no dating profile) - but here is a little about my "normal" life.
> 
> I work and commute 12-13 hours a day, 5 days a week - I take a train to the financial district and rat race it....
> 
> ...


I needed a nap after reading.........


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## Betrayedone (Jan 1, 2014)

Red Sonja said:


> The world is not your limited view of it ... you need to get out more.


Lighten up Francis.......


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## Betrayedone (Jan 1, 2014)

I shouldnthave said:


> Well you are just going to have to find one who shares your views. I have introvert qualities as well, but how we live those out is very very different.
> 
> I avoid PEOPLE not activity. I go out by myself. I ride alone. I hike alone.
> 
> ...


I LOVE educational TV. I would not be the person I have become were it not for the History channel, PBS, Biography, Nat Geo......there is SO much knowledge to be had. I also read a book a week. I can't get enough....


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

Betrayedone said:


> I shouldnthave said:
> 
> 
> > Well you are just going to have to find one who shares your views. I have introvert qualities as well, but how we live those out is very very different.
> ...


I agree. I love documentaries. My kids both do great in school, and over the years, both have told me specific situations where they remembered something from tv that helped them answer a test question.


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

samyeagar said:


> southbound said:
> 
> 
> > I’m sure this has been addressed in one form or another here, but I’m curious if all of you ladies, whether married or single, share the same interests as women on dating sites. There might as well be a cut-and-paste for profiles. Every woman seems to go in this direction with interests:
> ...


Sounds like you found a winner.


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## PigglyWiggly (May 1, 2018)

southbound said:


> I agree. I love documentaries. My kids both do great in school, and over the years, both have told me specific situations where they remembered something from tv that helped them answer a test question.


this is my wife and I. We love documentaries and that makes up 75% of what we watch. 



Wife and I went to Six Flags yesterday. I think we were the only 35+ couple there with no kids. We went for the exercise, people watching and had fun together on rides as if we were teenagers dating. We firmly believe that you don't quit playing when you get old, you get old when you stop playing.


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## DustyDog (Jul 12, 2016)

southbound said:


> I agree 100% with Dalia Lama. I’ve always felt that people spend too much time working, but I lump some of the stuff in there that some call recreation. I’ve just never cared to be “on the go” all the time.
> It seems like people just fill their life with business; if it’s not work, it some sort of other on the go stuff. I just don’t get it.
> 
> Perhaps it’s where I live. As I stated before, I live in a rural area with not a house in sight. It’s like the Smokey Mountains. I don’t really feel the need to get away and explore. I feel like I’ve got paradise out my front door. I guess if I live in an urban area where the houses were ten feet apart and all I could see was concrete, I might feel the need to be on the go more too.


I understand that...living in a place you don't feel the need to get away from. But lying in a hammock in nature, while better than lying in one in a backyard (based on fMRI studies), does not actual re-create you. For that, you need to oxygenate the brain and stimulate the creative centers.

To re-create the soul, mind and body, you need to put all of them to use and that requires physical activity. "On the go", IMO, doesn't mean sitting in a car and driving somewhere, it means raising the heart and breathing rates doing something you love.

BTW, one of the coolest things about the Dalai Lama is that he's not merely steeped in 80 years of Tibetan Buddhism, he's also completely connected to modern science and is helping guide it. He and Dr. Paul Ekman are using principles from both Buddhism and modern neuroscience to develop a model of "global compassion"...they have empirical evidence that if they can transform 30% of the world's population into people whose automatic behavior is compassionate, then it will be virtually impossible to start a war because militaries won't be able to get enough people to act as soldiers. Estimated time to completion is three generations.


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

DustyDog said:


> southbound said:
> 
> 
> > I agree 100% with Dalia Lama. I’ve always felt that people spend too much time working, but I lump some of the stuff in there that some call recreation. I’ve just never cared to be “on the go” all the time.
> ...


If that is how it should work for everyone, why does my body and mind not respond that way? Just for the sake of argument, let’s say I had an unusually rough work week and was expecting another the next week. I assure you I would feel more recharged to face the next week if I just had a calm, relaxing weekend around the house as opppsed to going kayaking and mountain climbing.


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## DustyDog (Jul 12, 2016)

southbound said:


> If that is how it should work for everyone, why does my body and mind not respond that way? Just for the sake of argument, let’s say I had an unusually rough work week and was expecting another the next week. I assure you I would feel more recharged to face the next week if I just had a calm, relaxing weekend around the house as opppsed to going kayaking and mountain climbing.



You haven't found your calling.

If work is that stressful, MOST people would quit. Just staying in a job that sucks that badly could kill all kinds of normal brain function.

The worst job I ever had was one that I was done with the moment I got in the car to drive home.


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

DustyDog said:


> southbound said:
> 
> 
> > If that is how it should work for everyone, why does my body and mind not respond that way? Just for the sake of argument, let’s say I had an unusually rough work week and was expecting another the next week. I assure you I would feel more recharged to face the next week if I just had a calm, relaxing weekend around the house as opppsed to going kayaking and mountain climbing.
> ...


Actually I can’t think of anything I would rather do than be a teacher, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t rough weeks. Anyway, I was just using that as an example. 

Let’s say I choose to put my own roof on my house, which I can do. Roofing is rough work. When the weekend rolls around, I assure you I will recharge more by taking it easy a couple of days as opposed to a hiking trip. 

Those kind of activities just don’t interest me anyway. Kayaking and hiking holds no fascination for me. I’d rather take in a museum or something in that category.


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## DustyDog (Jul 12, 2016)

southbound said:


> Actually I can’t think of anything I would rather do than be a teacher, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t rough weeks. Anyway, I was just using that as an example.
> 
> Let’s say I choose to put my own roof on my house, which I can do. Roofing is rough work. When the weekend rolls around, I assure you I will recharge more by taking it easy a couple of days as opposed to a hiking trip.
> 
> Those kind of activities just don’t interest me anyway. Kayaking and hiking holds no fascination for me. I’d rather take in a museum or something in that category.


Must you be fixated on kayaking and hiking? There are MILLIONS of outdoor aerobic activities. Find one you like. And please do not infect your students with your issues.

I Loved teaching. Every minute of it. I was invigorated at the end of the day. The worse the day was, the more I knew I was NEEDED in that job. Your heart is not in it.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

DustyDog said:


> southbound said:
> 
> 
> > If that is how it should work for everyone, why does my body and mind not respond that way? Just for the sake of argument, let’s say I had an unusually rough work week and was expecting another the next week. I assure you I would feel more recharged to face the next week if I just had a calm, relaxing weekend around the house as opppsed to going kayaking and mountain climbing.
> ...


This is totally untrue.. *most* people in the world encounter some stress on the job and a great many of the world's population struggles to live. I'm sure people in third world countries are so glad to hear that they should quit their hard job because they haven't found their " calling" yet.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

Different people enjoy different levels of stress at work. Yes I mean "enjoy" because for many stress is correlated with a feeling of self worth. If you feel that what you are doing at work doesn't matter and that you can't fail, then maybe it isn't important and anyone could do it. If you are constantly worried about failing (stress), then it can make you feel like you are the only one who can do the job. 

How people relax after work varies a lot. I find flying an airplane to be be very stress reducing - because the stakes when flying are so different - the risks are immediate and real, not something abstract in the future. I also enjoy the physical exertion / challenge of hiking in the mountains. Again its stress, but a completely different sort of stress form my work. 

Other people relax in other ways.


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

DustyDog said:


> Must you be fixated on kayaking and hiking? There are MILLIONS of outdoor aerobic activities. Find one you like. And please do not infect your students with your issues.
> 
> I Loved teaching. Every minute of it. I was invigorated at the end of the day. The worse the day was, the more I knew I was NEEDED in that job. Your heart is not in it.


As I stated before, kayaking and hiking always come to mind because it seems like a large number of women's dating profile lists those as interest; I thought maybe they were the only outdoor, physical activities left. 

I don't have any issues to infect my students with, so I'm sure things will be fine. It's not really your place to tell me that my heart is not in it. With every job, there are aspects we don't like. With teaching, it's the often misguided regulations handed down by our state department that creates a lot of meaningless duties. If I could dedicate the time I take doing paperwork to my students, it would be great. 



Livvie said:


> This is totally untrue.. *most* people in the world encounter some stress on the job and a great many of the world's population struggles to live. I'm sure people in third world countries are so glad to hear that they should quit their hard job because they haven't found their " calling" yet.


I agree. I'm sure it's great to have income from something one loves so much there is never, ever any stress or feeling of fatigue, but I was never taught that life was always that easy; it's ok if one has to work. Just because one isn't jumping for joy every day of their life at work doesn't mean they are miserable either; it's just reality. And as you said, I'm sure people in the third world countries will be glad to get the news that they can quit because they haven't found their calling. 



uhtred said:


> How people relax after work varies a lot. I find flying an airplane to be be very stress reducing - because the stakes when flying are so different - the risks are immediate and real, not something abstract in the future. I also enjoy the physical exertion / challenge of hiking in the mountains. Again its stress, but a completely different sort of stress form my work.
> 
> Other people relax in other ways.


Right. For example, I started mowing hay this morning at 4:30 and completed that in 10 hours. Then I worked with the cattle for a couple of hours, and now I'm finished. I'm not interested at all in any kind of physical activity to unwind. I've taken a shower, and I'm looking at Netflix; that's how I relax.


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## DustyDog (Jul 12, 2016)

Livvie said:


> This is totally untrue.. *most* people in the world encounter some stress on the job and a great many of the world's population struggles to live. I'm sure people in third world countries are so glad to hear that they should quit their hard job because they haven't found their " calling" yet.


I agree and disagree.

It is not "totally" untrue. What I said is if your job gives you THAT much stress (so much that after arriving home, all the person wants to do is veg out), then you have not found your calling.

I have lived in several third world countries. They know they're struggling only because Americans tell them they are. In central China, nobody ever has to repair a washing machine because they don't have them...nor electricity in many parts. This is the life they know, they like it. Washing clothes with other people doing the same is a social activity. I spoke of washing machines inside the house, and the teenagers reacted negatively - but that's friend time!!!

Jobs are SUPPOSED to give us stress - if there wasn't stress, they wouldn't need someone to work there. "Too much stress" is when the stress is so overbearing that you cannot deal with it at work by solving problems, and you take it home with you and it wrecks your health and social ife.

It might be that OP simply needs to understand stress better and instead of viewing all stress as negative, start making it positive. All major changes, and anything that requires effort IS stressful, but look at how many kinds are joyful - marriage, moving, buying a house, solving a puzzle, finishing an art project begun two years ago.

Stress is NOT the devil. If it's overwhelming, then you either have too much or you haven't learned to make it the friend it is supposed to be.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

southbound said:


> Actually, I was raised to be active all the time, but not "recreational active." I live in a rural area, and I grew up with a grandfather who owned a farm, and we spent a lot of time working on it outside of school, and that was back when there wasn't as much modern technology, so it required a little more physical labor. We weren't allowed to be indoors watching tv when it was nice weather outside.
> 
> I currently live on that farm. I work a public career, so we have scaled down the farm work, but I live in a very rural area. There is not another house in sight of mine. * I have creeks, ponds, streams, fields, woods, and I can look out my door anytime and probably see wild turkey and deer. It's similar to living in the Smokey Mountains. So, going on a hike or nature walk is not much of an added thrill to me. I get enough hiking when I walk the fence line checking for issues. Before I'm done, I've waded creeks, climbed hills, walked in fields, and walked in woods.* I also don't care for camping, at least not how people do it around here.


 Here is my question to you Southbound... beings you LIVE on a beautiful piece of land where you see wildlife on a daily basis and it's quiet and serene... you get your taste/ your fill of this DAILY... so it makes all the sense in the world that you don't really crave more of it, or would need to list how you enjoy country walks, or being outdoors so much...

But what if you were someone who lived in the city 24/7, all they see outside their windows is cars / sidewalks, car horns beeping/ maybe even gun shots on occasion/ people everywhere ... I wonder if you too would crave more of the outdoors?? 

We live on property very similar to yours.. no neighbors, turkeys/ deer outside our windows, might even see a coyote on occasion...yet still when I seek a vacation destination.. I LOVE getting out in the country.. still enjoy a NATURE walk... I guess it's about the "VARIETY" for me...seeing something new... the wonders of the world.. I could list so many places I would love to see in person.. instead of just reading about online or seeing on TV. 



> I suppose it's all the mental process of how one views it. If I'm going to put forth physical activity, I like it to achieve something. * For example, when I walk my fence line, I'm getting in what most people would call a nature walk or hike and completing a job at the same time. that's why I could never do an exercise routine for any length of time. * I realize it helps keep one healthy, but whenever I was exercising, I was always thinking, "wouldn't it be nice if all this physical activity and sweat that I'm producing on this exercise could be putting those 200 bales of hay in the barn or fencing off a field."


 I can very much relate to this... I HATE exercising.. can't do it.. can't keep the routine.. I've whined & moaned how boring it is -every time we have tried to stick with it... it never lasts longer than a couple weeks.. I'd never join a gym.. I wouldn't get my moneys worth out of it...

Frankly... I'd rather did a ditch (& we've dug plenty together), at least something is getting accomplished... that's just how my mind works... between our jobs (no sitting at a desk)... and just projects at home that need done...that's enough exercising for us (walking to our mailbox is 750 ft away).... 

My Grandfather lived to be 97 .. seemed he never really retired , then he was out delivering papers at 5 am in the morning house to house & mowing graveyards .. kept busy in his garden....this was enough to keep him in good health...He did enjoy watching Tv at nights before going to bed too, his relaxation time, and I remember always a big bowl of ice cream to boot... 



> I suppose it's about balance with me too, but perhaps in a different way than most. Honestly, I actually enjoy watching tv in the evenings. It's very relaxing to me, and I guess I view being in by the air conditioner or a nice cozy house in the winter as a reward for work; I do enjoy it at times. I have no desire to fill every waking moment with an activity. While that may be living life to the fullest for most, it is not to me.


 this "activity thing" is a common theme in so many of your threads... I think "Social media" contributes to this pressure somehow, this Expectation... reading about all the places & FUN everyone is having out & about...dating profiles have to keep up, don't they....it's almost like the modern "Keeping up with the Jones"... but it's shifted to the Adventurous...


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

PigglyWiggly said:


> Many chaplains who work in hospice care have revealed what men told them in their last days. They told them that they worked too much and didn't spend enough time with their family and friends. I took this to heart and have made work/life balance changes. I am also reminded of this quote:
> 
> The Dalai Lama, when asked what surprised him most about humanity, he said:
> 
> ...


Sad ...and far too often... so true...


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

southbound said:


> Perhaps it’s where I live. As I stated before, I live in a rural area with not a house in sight. It’s like the Smokey Mountains. I don’t really feel the need to get away and explore. I feel like I’ve got paradise out my front door.* I guess if I live in an urban area where the houses were ten feet apart and all I could see was concrete, I might feel the need to be on the go more too.*


You likely would if you have country in your soul.... 

I can attest to this... I am very content being a boring old Homebody living in the country with the peace & quiet.....there is such freedom with the privacy....from shooting a spud potato gun, to running around the yard half naked, to Bonfires any night you want, and the list goes on...

On the flip side...when I lived in the city in my late teens/ early 20's....I HATED IT...as I DO love the outside.. the trees, the VIEW... I like a house with full view windows OPEN with the sun shining in...you can't do this in the city, the blinds need to be down many times for privacy....and the concrete to me was depressing [email protected]# all that noise... I've always likened it to feeling like a "caged animal"... I've even had dreams after we got our country house... that somehow I was back in the city... this rush of sadness would come over me in the dream, this great LOSS... I'd wake up and thank God it wasn't true .. these were like nightmares to me... It would be a deal breaker for a man even... gotta love the country... 

And back then...I purposely filled my days with working a few jobs, with that dream in mind...saving every penny.... Even when I was home, I remember wanting to be more on the go...we'd take many drives looking at houses...or go to parks to get away....


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

You make do with what you have. S-wife is a few hundred yards from a renowned urban trail system. DD1 is living in the brick jungle but is a mile away from an awesome zoo where a $40 pass annual allows her to walk amongst her favorite critters. 

The key is to be able to adapt. DD is without her vehicle and is unclear if she'll get it. The bus system is pretty good and her "fiance" has a car so...


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

SimplyAmorous said:


> But what if you were someone who lived in the city 24/7, all they see outside their windows is cars / sidewalks, car horns beeping/ maybe even gun shots on occasion/ people everywhere ... I wonder if you too would crave more of the outdoors??


I'm sure I would crave more quiet secluded surroundings. 

I was in a group of people yesterday and I overheard a guy saying that he "needed a vacation to rest up from his vacation." Another woman immediately joined in and said, "Oh, that's true; you don't get any rest on a vacation." That is not information I didn't already know, but it makes me wonder why it is so exciting for people to travel when they admit it is so tiring. 



SimplyAmorous said:


> I can very much relate to this... I HATE exercising.. can't do it.. can't keep the routine.. I've whined & moaned how boring it is -every time we have tried to stick with it... it never lasts longer than a couple weeks.. I'd never join a gym.. I wouldn't get my moneys worth out of it...
> 
> Frankly... I'd rather did a ditch (& we've dug plenty together), at least something is getting accomplished... that's just how my mind works... between our jobs (no sitting at a desk)... and just projects at home that need done...that's enough exercising for us (walking to our mailbox is 750 ft away)....
> 
> My Grandfather lived to be 97 .. seemed he never really retired , then he was out delivering papers at 5 am in the morning house to house & mowing graveyards .. kept busy in his garden....this was enough to keep him in good health...He did enjoy watching Tv at nights before going to bed too, his relaxation time, and I remember always a big bowl of ice cream to boot...


I relate to preferring digging a ditch as opposed to exercise. 




SimplyAmorous said:


> I can attest to this... I am very content being a boring old Homebody living in the country with the peace & quiet.....there is such freedom with the privacy....from shooting a spud potato gun, to running around the yard half naked, to Bonfires any night you want, and the list goes on..


I agree. If you like that quiet, secluded, nature-woldlife environment, that's what I wake up to every morning, so I have no desire to travel to see more of it. 



SimplyAmorous said:


> this "activity thing" is a common theme in so many of your threads... I think "Social media" contributes to this pressure somehow, this Expectation... reading about all the places & FUN everyone is having out & about...dating profiles have to keep up, don't they....it's almost like the modern "Keeping up with the Jones"... but it's shifted to the Adventurous...


It just seems like people are just so busy anymore; it's nothing like when I grew up and people worked and then watched Gunsmoke at night. People are running all over the country with ballgames, being on committees, running here and there all the time. And then when they do have a few free minutes, they're planning activities that are supposed to be enjoyable. Most people are so busy, they think a person is crazy if they actually sit down to a family meal at the table in the evenings. that's just not my bag, and it never has been. To me, that's not stopping to smell the roses or living an enjoyable life. 

I sat on the porch last night for about an hour while it was raining. For me, that's enjoyment at it's highest.


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

SimplyAmorous said:


> this "activity thing" is a common theme in so many of your threads... I think "Social media" contributes to this pressure somehow, this Expectation... reading about all the places & FUN everyone is having out & about...dating profiles have to keep up, don't they....it's almost like the modern "Keeping up with the Jones"... but it's
> shifted to the Adventurous...


I believe you have nailed it here. Keeping up with the Jones these days is more than just having fancier cars and a bigger house, it also includes how many trips you can go on and how many adventures you have experienced. Those pictures seem to fill up Facebook and dating sites. I suppose everyone is supposed to be in awe.


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