# Stuttering: What i'm I supposed to do now?



## mark11

Before my wife and i married, i thought everything was fine in terms of communication. Only that i introduced most of the topics and often thought from time to time that she evaded some arguements remaining silent. I thought this was due to her not knowing what to say and swallowed it. It was after our marriage for the first time that i got a clue that she stammered, when i friend came visiting and put it to her. The stammering became obvious to me 2yrs later after our marriage after carefully understudying her behaviour in public. She never mentioned to me that she stammered even though she alluded to it talking about her childhood (but not presently as an adult). It has now come to my knowledge that before we married, she was carefully avoiding discussion/arguments that could bring out her stammering. She mentioned to me once after i discovered how she would use alternative words other than those that could get her stuck. My challenge now is that should i not have been told all these before marriage? Could i not be put in a position of deciding whether or not i will be able to develop a relationship with someone who stuttered (especially as i never met anyone priviously?). Given the importance of communication between spouses in marriage and fact that every stutter these days hit me in the face like a bomb shell how do i proceed? I need views on how to proceed with this relationship without feeling robbed or decieved in a relationship that should mean so much. We are both Christians and are not considering the divorce path.


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## preso

If thats the worst problem in your marriage, you are blessed.


As far as her stuttering, it seems you should have talked to her enough, or let her talk to pick that up.
but............... since you didn't... I don't think that will be something hard to live with. She can get speech therapy too, which your insurance should cover.
I don't think stuttering is any sign of mental deficiency... and a minor issue in my opinion.


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## Blanca

this is definitely one of the strangest complaints i have ever read. you must have some pre-seeded trust issues. 

if the way she talks is that important to you, then you should probably just leave- honestly i just feel bad for her. im sure she hid it from you out of fear of rejection. she's probably had to face that a lot in her life. although i never condone hiding things about oneself i really feel for how this will affect her. not that i think you should try and change how you feel, you have a right to how you feel, i just feel sorry for the rejection she must feel.

but you know, she set herself up for this rejection. she ought to have just been honest with you in the first place, accept who she is, and find someone that loves her for who she is. im sure there are plenty of people out there who wouldnt mind, and if she would just accept herself and not fear rejection should wouldnt have walked into this painful mess. so i dont think you are to blame for the pain she'll go through for this rejection. she set herself up for it.


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## preso

Just so you know..... Moses, Thomas Jefferson, Bruce Willis, James earl Jones and Marilyn Monroe and a lot of other people who became quite famous stuttered. Check out this link
for a list of more people who stutter. I hardly see it as a problem, but if you do, maybe you should re-think it.

Famous People Who Stutter


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## Birdsong

Stuttering? I actually find it endearing! I have mentored a child who stuttered, and actually, I loved her even more because of her "imperfection". It is our imperfections that make us human, after all.

I'm glad that she isn't struggling with acceptance of you, despite your occasional trouble with spelling ("priviously")... Don't mean to be cruel, I'm just making a point - hope you forgive. We all have imperfections, issues & problems. Some are just more obvious than others.

I'm a little surprised that you didn't discover this about her before you got married. Did you rush into your marriage? Did she not feel able to truly open up to you? The question has to be; why didn't she feel she could trust you enough with this secret of hers? Maybe because she knew that you would react this way?

Would you truly give up loving someone because they had a slight speech impediment? Does it change who they are?

Maybe the problem is that she held back a secret about herself, and that makes you feel bad. I'm sure that you have your own secrets too. I think you need to be a little more understanding, and then try to help and support her, not judge her. You're a Christian; what would Jesus do?


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## preso

I'd take a person who stutters over an used car or lawyer type ...slick talking salesman type anytime 

Whats in the heart is what matters with people you are very close to....


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## GAsoccerman

help your wife, don't be a jerk. Stuttering is no big deal.


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## nancy.moore16

I don't think stammering is a big defect in one's life. it is something that can be corrected i don't feel that you need to regret of marrying such a person as well 
or you have to blame your wife for not having you told you before marriage 
it is something which will take some time once the therapy will start and it will okay don't worry


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## timrm1022

Hi, This is coming from a person who has a moderate/severe stutter.

" Given the importance of communication between spouses in marriage and fact that every stutter these days hit me in the face like a bomb shell how do i proceed?"

Just because someone stutters or has another fluency disorder does not mean they are a bad communicator. Communication is about getting your idea across and being able to listen and learn from others, not how they say their words. I don't know about you, but I know very fluent people who are terrible communicators.

Second, I can see why you feel slighted about not knowing sooner, but I'm guessing she is a covert stutterer and hiding it is a behavior she has been doing all her life.

Based on my experience, I feel that you should embrace her and her stuttering, and not shun it. I know I stutter less and feel much more comfortable when I'm able to talk to someone about my stuttering and they accept it with open arms. Try it, it works.

If you want more information on stuttering go to:
National Stuttering Association (NSA): Stuttering Help - The NSA (national stuttering association). They even have a national conference every year if you were interested.

The Stuttering Home Page, Minnesota State University, Mankato - great informational resource


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## mark11

What can i say? You comments have been like a soothing balm on an open wound. I have to thank you all for your kind words. I feel a bit better now, i must tell you.


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## preso

mark11 said:


> What can i say? You comments have been like a soothing balm on an open wound. I have to thank you all for your kind words. I feel a bit better now, i must tell you.


well thank God.. because I was starting to think you married your wife for her to give promotional speeches or something:lol:


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