# Husband writes romantic letters to other women



## ocngirl (May 21, 2011)

My husband and I have 3 kids and have been together for 22 yrs. We have been fighting homelessness for the past 9 months, including living in our car for a while with 2 kids. We've only made love a few times only because of our living situation not because we dont love each other. But since then, I am finding him joining more dating and porno websites. I have also caught him writing romantic letters to these women. I know he never meets them because we are always together. I love him with all my heart and he says and even acts live he really loves me. It kills me when ever I see this. There is an age difference. He is turning 61 this August and I'm turning 45 this July. Is it me or is it him and what can I do?


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Why would it be you? He is the one joining "more" dating sites and writing romantic letters to women. Unless you stuck a gun to his head and made him do those things, it's not you.

He should be focusing on your current living situation and not hitting up other women who aren't his wife.


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## VLR (May 15, 2011)

How could a decent guy find ten minutes for porn or hookup sites knowing his family doesn't have a roof over their head?


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

^ ...is what I want to know...


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## ocngirl (May 21, 2011)

The only thing I could think of is its his way to escape from reality. We dont get any alone time. I've never known a man not to be into porno married or not but this is too much. But we've been through alot in 22 yrs. I've cut short new contacts. 
I wonder if he is addicted to sex.


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## ing (Mar 26, 2011)

Sounds to me like he is escaping reality. This is not an excuse for the romantic letters and porno and this is NOT your fault. 
22 years is a long time and it sounds like you are having a very tough time.
Talk to him. Tell him your concerns.
i know it sounds hard but try and take some time together that is not focused on the hardship. 
I am only guessing here.. but perhaps intimacy is missing in your relationship. 
Men have sex to feel intimate, women need to be intimate to have sex.


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## heartbroken1957 (Apr 8, 2011)

I agree with Ing. Your husband is only finding a world where life is happy and free of his problems. Somehow you need to find a place in the real world where he can feel free of the fact that he has failed everything a man should be. You need to step up and make this your biggest goal. I am in the same situation, only my husband was having an affair prior to the loss of job. We were working on relationship repair and getting good when the unemployment happened. 
It is so very hard on them because they have failed to provide, protect and prosper for their family. 
Talk to him, show him you and the children are thriving and are good. Talk to him about the online stuff and try not to sound like he is failing you with that too. Try making it seem like it's not something you would want the children to see, and try finding a minister or male of authourity for him to talk with. Sometimes just having a shoulder to lean on is enough to give that hope of things getting better. The people online don't have connections to jobs or help. Most are scams as my husband found. 
Good luck and keep in touch. The people on here are great with help.


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## ocngirl (May 21, 2011)

I know for a fact he is suffering from destroyed ego. Not being a good provider, doesn't feel like he is doing a good job as a husband and as a father. For a while there we were taking a weekend away together and that made a big difference but its been a while since the last one. We live in a travel trailor with all 5 of us. No privacy what so ever. Once car in the family, so we are always with someone else. We keep trying.


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## ocngirl (May 21, 2011)

Well, he no longer writes other women as far as I can tell. But now he has deleted his Facebook account. He was adding all these Blonde/Bombshell/ Big Boobed women. He had nothing in common with them. I called him on it. So he deleted his account so he isn't temted to look at any more. I'm pissed because I feel its pretty much saying He's not mature enough to restrain himself and still have an account. He says I have nothing to worry about, but I feel horrible about my looks, and we are not able to be intimate because of our living situation. What do I do?


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## heartbroken1957 (Apr 8, 2011)

For one thing, you cannot completely delete the FB account. You only Freeze it. You look gone to everyone, but you can re-activate by signing in again. He could De-friend everyone and not use it, but it will remain for him to use in the future. 
So he is using restraint to stay away from it. 
As for your looks, you are down in life and you feel rotten. It's not like all of a sudden you woke up one morning and you are the Ugly Troll wife. You still look like you did before the world fell apart. Do your hair different, if you can do it, get a hair cut, or color. Put on some lipstick. Pinch your cheeks and smile. It would do the kids good to see Mom and Dad dance to a song on the radio, or just flirt with each other. There is nothing sexual that they shouldn't see in that. In fact it's good for them to see what love really looks like. 

You may not be able to have the actual "act of sex", but feeling that someone wants you is a big pickup to the ego. The place has a bathroom, correct? Grab a blanket and couple pillows and lock the bathroom door. Play quiet and no one will ever know. 
No excuses. Find that playful inside teenager and go to it.


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## ocngirl (May 21, 2011)

Heartbroken, we do flirt alot infront of the kids. Even though they are 22 and 15 they say "Eww, my eyes. LOL'
Infact my daughter says she doesnt understand why other couples are like that. I guess the letters were his way of escaping the fact that we can't sexually be together. As far as a bathroom, have you ever seen the size of a bathroom in a travel trailor. One person can barely sit on the toilet there is so little room. We have decided as soon as we have enough money we are going away together, alone, for a weekend. 
Thanks for the advice. Things will get better as soon as our lives turn around. But for now we flirt and try to take a day just for the two of us.


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## ocngirl (May 21, 2011)

ok, I really need advice. and a shoulder to cry on. I thought the letters were done. They aren't romantic letters, but, he still has women from other websites writing him saying lets meet, and I want to get to know you. He saves them in his "Naughty file". cont.


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## ocngirl (May 21, 2011)

He says "Yes, i would like to get to know you.' I know he doesn't meet them because we are together so much. But it kills me. I've confronted him with this and 1st he says he trashed the emails then I say "No you didn't you saved them." He said you checking my mail, I said yes." Ever since the 1st letter which was months ago i've been checking on him. I'm sorry but joining multiple dating websites, connecting via email with these women, and saving them , to me is cheating. Is this sex adiction, is this just fantasy, or is this cheating? We've been together 22 yrs, raised 3 kids, been through so many things, things I should have left him for and didn't. I don't know how to handle this.


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