# hard time being brought to orgasm..



## bartolome (Oct 10, 2013)

so, this may potentially be TMI, but this is a sex forum, so i guess it's okay to talk about this  also, you don't know who i am  

background info: 
i am almost 30 years old, and have just revently started dating a wonderful guy, who is so amazing, and is such a good man for me to be with. i've never had a boyfriend before though, and i've always wanted to keep sex sacred, so i've never bumped uglies with anyone before. i've also never masturbated seriously until almost two years ago, before i met my SO, when i did it a couple times a week, rarely every day a week.. we were long distance for a year, and now we are finally together and very committed to each other, and i really enjoy having sex with him. 

my problem, even though i don't really want to call it a problem, but i wish i didn't have to deal with it.. anyway, it's just really hard for me to orgasm when he is trying to stimulate me. i wonder if it's because of my longtime status of "virgin" and not playing with myself before, but it's really easy for me to do it on my own. we've tried different positions, lube (though we don't really need it), and we want to try toys, but the country we are in is pretty conservative in this area and it's hard to find such toys. we both really enjoy having sex with each other, and have a similar libido, so no one is denying sex all the time, or asking too often for it. we are a really good match for each other. 

so, aside from patience in him getting to know my body, me relaxing when we're doing it, we are just wondering if anyone has other tips or suggestions we can add to our sexytimes.


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## tracyishere (Dec 2, 2012)

You just gotta figure out what works for you. It took me over a year to have an O from my H.

Start playing with yourself a little, learn your body and teach him what you like.

You have to take some responsibility in this by communicating what feels good and what doesn't.


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## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

I was reading recently about how differently the brains of men and women become active/inactive during sex and orgasm.

Both sexes have to 'shut down' a certain part of the brain to allow orgasm. Men do this much easier then women, which is the big O is usually easier to achieve for them. We women have to really relax and kinda empty the brain to shut this down.... are you getting distracted by light or noise maybe?

I think this is like finding a 'key' once you know how to 'switch off' it get's easier and easier.

If you can O on your own you're more than half way there IMO 

I get my best O's from oral sex... it's easy to achieve. 
Manual stimulation from hubby I find more hit and miss.

I hesitate to suggest alcohol because I know for some folks it's a no-go for various reasons. But a couple of glasses of wine does relax you...


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## pierrematoe (Sep 6, 2013)

Experimenting is key to finding what works. Do fantasies get you aroused? Try incorporating fantasy role play in to your sessions or just talking a certain way while having sex.


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## rush (Mar 29, 2013)

my wife is hard to bring to orgasm too, communicate and tell him what you like, works for us...


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## MissScarlett (May 22, 2013)

I just started having them after 18 years and my husband earns every one. It doesn't make sense, I can do it to myself quite easily. I think there are a lot of psychological and physical issues at play. From what you describe you sound quite normal. Some ladies are very easy, some never have them and then there's the rest of us that lie between.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

MissScarlett said:


> I just started having them after 18 years and my husband earns every one. It doesn't make sense, I can do it to myself quite easily. I think there are a lot of psychological and physical issues at play. From what you describe you sound quite normal. *Some ladies are very easy, some never have them and then there's the rest of us that lie between*.


My STBW warned me before we even started dating that she was a one and done kind of girl, and that even then, she'd only go half the time if the conditions were right, and was one of the women who couldn't go PIV.

Imagine our surprise when it took less than five minutes the very first time I tried with oral, fingers are a gurantee in any position, and PIV about half the time, with multiples.


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## MissScarlett (May 22, 2013)

samyeagar said:


> My STBW warned me before we even started dating that she was a one and done kind of girl, and that even then, she'd only go half the time if the conditions were right, and was one of the women who couldn't go PIV.
> 
> Imagine our surprise when it took less than five minutes the very first time I tried with oral, fingers are a gurantee in any position, and PIV about half the time, with multiples.


Well, let me know if you find yourself single.


I kid, Samy Hagar, I kid.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

MissScarlett said:


> Well, let me know if you find yourself single.
> 
> 
> I kid, Samy Hagar, I kid.




My STBW has wondered how on Earth I ever ended up single...then she met my ex wife's personality and figured it out in a hurry  She's making sure I'm not going to stay single 

My point really was just that all women are different, and even when you think you absolutely know yourself, that can change, and you can discover things you never knew about yourself.

Oh, and my STBW has stopped masturbating because she very seriously said that she's just not as good at it as I am, and it's too big of a let down


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## garykmjp (Oct 11, 2013)

I hesitate to suggest alcohol because I know for some folks it's a no-go for various reasons.


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## pierrematoe (Sep 6, 2013)

garykmjp said:


> I hesitate to suggest alcohol because I know for some folks it's a no-go for various reasons.


Yeah tried that once and it ended poorly for her, me and my bedroom carpet


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## alwaysforever (Jul 28, 2012)

When you think your going to get romantic, think about sex all that day, every aspect, that will get your mind right Have a couple drinks relax, get a little buzz going. NOT drunk. This will leave your hangups at the door. Once you get going into the act and your well lubricated, sit on top of him, cowgirl i belive its called. Dont bounce up and down, slide back and forth using his pelvic bone to stimulate your cl!t. You need to ride pretty fast but if you get this down girl your golden. I promise everytime i do this it feels like im having a minute long orgasm. If you feel yourself start to, dont stop, keep going. I swear it draws out the O longer and it is soo intense. This is the only way i can O.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

> *bartolome said:* so, aside from patience in him getting to know my body, me relaxing when we're doing it, we are just wondering if anyone has other tips or suggestions we can add to our sexytimes.


 What positions have you tried? 

Alwaysforever is on it >> Cowgirl  is the best for the woman to get hers...

This article will give you some tips...

Best sex positions for women: Orgasms here we come!


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## Pandakiss (Oct 29, 2010)

It's very hard for me reach the big O. I have to be laying a certain way for oral. Rarely ever from piv. The other day we were going at it (sex), and he started touching me, well 3 positions later, nothing. I told him to give it up. Wasn't happening. 

I think around 30, I had my first O from piv. We talked it out. I told my hubby, it's my prob. If I don't reach it, never mind, move on. We can always try again the next day.


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## MissScarlett (May 22, 2013)

In some reading I have done lately it was suggested that it is good practice to try masturbation in different ways and positions. 

Some of us ladies, I think, can get stuck in a very specific pattern when it comes to orgasm, and these patterns can date back to childhood or perhaps whenever we started exploring.

I can only speak for myself but when I found something that worked I.stuck to it and the circumstances are very difficult to replicate with another person. 

I really don't imagine I could get there from PIV ever - there are several factors at play - however it would be nice to move along from the same set of tried and true circumstances.

You all might find it humorous that, until recently I had never had an orgasm in my bedroom or my bed. That is a true story. The reason being that I live in a very old house with scarce electrical outlets and my electric vibrator wouldn't reach the bed. For 10 years Ive been getting off in the bathroom. 

Good times.


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## bartolome (Oct 10, 2013)

thanks for your replies. 

we have tried different positions, and we do communicate well, IMO. 

most of the time, he's on top of me, although we do switch to doggie or cowgirl occasionally. when i masturbate, i find it's easiest and feels best to lie on my back, so when i'm with him, after i come (i'm stimulating myself manually, with PIV), i tell him to lie back, i wanna ride him, or let's switch to doggie, so we do sometimes. also, after i come once, sometimes i feel like if he keeps going, i could come again (but he's too close), and i have felt the need to pee (but i didn't actually have to pee..) once, but i've never had a second orgasm. 

i guess we are on the right track, just need to keep experimenting and having fun!


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## terrence4159 (Feb 3, 2013)

i got super lucky with my wife she has anywhere from 1 to 7 orgasms everytime we bump uglies. the way she is wired not that im great in the sack


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

pierrematoe said:


> Yeah tried that once and it ended poorly for her, me and my bedroom carpet


That was funny!

I was gonna suggest weed. I, personally, hate the stuff but have a friend who simply can't relax enough to O without it.

I organs early, easily and often and I don't know how. I just like it so much I really reach for it. I have sex in order to have great Orgasms!

But there have been times when it just want happening and I'm pretty sure it was hormonal because I am that age.

So I guess my best advice is to reach for it. Move during sex in order to get there, keep going with what you like until you get there. If you get close, but then it goes away, move to another position or try altering something. There is nothing worse, for me, then coming damn close to orgasming during PIV, but then he starts to ejaculate. At that point I know I am on my own to get there and I take every opportunity to get myself there.

I am a greedy greedy orgasm seeker. Yet, I feel no guilt about that.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Anon Pink said:


> That was funny!
> 
> *I was gonna suggest weed. I, personally, hate the stuff but have a friend who simply can't relax enough to O without it.*
> 
> ...


Uggh...don't like it when STBW has smoked before sex. She hasn't done it very often, but when she has, she gets horny, but there is no motivation on her part to do much. It's kind of weird really. It's like she's there, but not there. She thinks it feels great though.


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