# I want out and ive been telling her this for a long time now..



## ItsMeiGuess (Aug 7, 2016)

1


----------



## Lostme (Nov 14, 2014)

wow you are going through a lot, Sometimes it is best to just leave a marriage and divorce especially when you are losing your sanity.

I would have to leave this kind of marriage myself, and yes you were wrong to cheat but I could not fathom having an affair with my stepbrothers as she has.

will your children be safe with your wife, If you were to leave the marriage? if not it would be best to stay in the state you are in and seek custody of the children. If they are safe with her, then I would do what you need to do for you and your sanity.


----------



## ItsMeiGuess (Aug 7, 2016)

She will never allow me to have any custodial rights to my children, i can already sense that. Our old neighbor downstairs was a welfare woman who lived like a literal hog in a pig pen. The woman broke into our home and took money that i had saved in a jar etc (jar and all). This woman was evicted from the projects for living like a hog (bed bugs, garbage, old food, roaches, uncleanliness of all kinds...) and she carried this living with her to this new apartment below us. I told my wife we are too have nothing to do with this person. And still she continued to be chummy with her, even taking the children downstairs to her apartment when i wasnt home. My kids both got sick continuously (bronchitis, pneumonia, colds, flus etc) as her children were also sick continuously as well. My wife told me that i could not prove that our childrens health had anything to do with her going against my better judgement and undermining me as a man by doing so. Needless to say i had the woman evicted after i called the health department and code enforcers of the town we reside in. My wife didnt want to believe that she stole from us, and yet when the landlord came to colllect the womanns belongings she left behind i found that SAME JAR that she stole...She ran prostitution and drugs with kids in her apartment. My wife and her family are connected to people who would make my life hell for attempting to leave her ass behind. I feel lost and confused ....So do i believe she will put my kids in danger, yes!!! Can i really do anything or do i feel like i can do much , NO! She has connections and i will suffer for her intents.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Why have no you divorced her if you have been telling her for a long time that this is what you were going to do?


----------



## ItsMeiGuess (Aug 7, 2016)

Well, i love my children, and i thought i loved her. I am fearful of the consequences, i am afraid that she will do something drastic because she is unstable (even though she presents herself to others as normal)...I live pay check to paycheck and so it has been impossible to create any type of savings...


----------



## ItsMeiGuess (Aug 7, 2016)

I am in such bad shape (mentally, emotionally, physically) that i have been over tempted with simply WALKING OUT THE DOOR and never coming back.....Regardless of the consequences...No word no warning just one day she will not see me ever again...


----------



## NoChoice (Feb 12, 2012)

OP,
From your post it does not seem like your home would be an intrinsically safe environment for your children were you not there. Do you feel that your children would be properly cared for and protected? They are your first and foremost obligation. You mentioned your W's father and mother, are they involved in your family and the care of your children? You certainly can not feel that a drug using/dealing felon is good for them to be around. Will this stepbrother "step in" if you vacate?

There is much you need to consider here and your happiness is not the number one priority. I would agree that you should not remain in the marriage as you have described it but I also tend to believe that your children should not either. I would strongly recommend that you see to it that your kids are safe and secure before you "abandon ship" and if there is any question of it then I advise that you not remove your presence from their lives.

If that means divorce and fighting for custody then that is what you need to do. You brought those children into this world and they are essentially helpless without parental guidance and protection. You must see to it that hey have it and if she cannot provide it then you certainly must. Your road is not an easy one but as their father you owe them nothing less. I wish you good fortune.


----------



## flyhigher (Jun 23, 2016)

Wow; you're in a very scary situation!!

I really think you should take your kids and you out of there. Can you gather up any evidence at all that your wife is unstable? start saving text messages.. emails.. pictures.. dr's notes. Is she on any prescriptions? does she drink? Do drugs? Start talking to YOUR family; if you have any. 
You need to save those kids.. and yourself.
If she'll fight for custody, get ready to fight her for them. Get yourself dr's notes saying your clean and off drugs. Get yourself tested as proof.. get people with qualifications to write you personal references.. doctors, teachers, priests, lawyers, if you know any..

IF, for whatever reason, and you don't have to say here, you are not willing to fight for your kids.. (I know no one wants to hear that, but we don't know you're entire story) IF you cannot take your kids with you, I URGE you to have child protection services get involved. She doesn't sound safe; and the worst thing you could ever do is leave your children in an unsafe environment.

If you up and leave and your kids are with her. I have no doubt she will come after you for money; and she will win. You will not be living paycheque to paycheque, because the government will take all your money and you won't have a paycheque at all anymore. Trust me, think this through. If you think that she'll play dirty; prepare yourself and get yourself ready to fight.. Now is the time to ask for help. DO your research. Talk to people and brace yourself. Prepare an offense, not just a defense. Courts will automatically favour her, so you'll have to get your sh!t together WELL. Do whatever you have to do to get yourself back on your feet. Talk to a social worker about her.. get her name in the system. Make some reports. Do something.. 

Good luck!! I hope you and your children are able to find peace, love, and happiness.


----------



## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

ItsMeiGuess said:


> I am in such bad shape (mentally, emotionally, physically)


This^^^ A hundred times this!!!

Take care of these things first. Take care of you first. When you do things will fall into place, but not before. Solving your dilemma has little to do with her or her family. It has to do with you. Nothing will change until you do. Do you understand? 

Best


----------



## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Why do you 'keep telling her' anything?

Until you're ready to DO something, your words mean nothing. NOTHING.

She knows perfectly well you're scared, and she's using that to her advantage. You need to
1) hire a lawyer
2) see a counselor to help get your head screwed back on straight


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

You sound like your are frantic and out of control emotionally. This is not helping you. Abandoning your children and running off to Texas an act to carry out this frantic, out of control attitude that you have. Why do you think that Texas will be better? Have you ever lived there? Do you know if you can find a job there? Are you really ready to abandon your children? If you do, you are 100 times worse than your wife.

Forget your wife right now. No one is in danger. She has little to no contact with her step brother from what you say. To be honest it sounds like you are over reacting to the guy. Yes he threatened to bash your face in. You quit the job, got a new job and have nothing to do with him. He's not come after you.

This is about you. You cannot run off to Texas. Your children depend on you. So get over that idea.

You need to get into counseling if at all possible. If you can not afford counseling, I can point you to some books that will help you self-counsel.

You need to work on your mental and physical health. After you are in a better place physically and mentally you can look at what to do about your marriage.

So, let's look at what you can do to fix your mental and physical health. 

What things do you do right now for enjoyment? Do you have friends that you do things with? If you do, what kind of things?

Also, the idea that was put forth above that if you leave you will not no paycheck because the court will give it all to your wife is just bunk. Child support is determined by the amount of time children spend with each parent, each parent's income and extra bills like medical insurance. 

You also need to work with your wife to get your finances straight and start saving money. You need to do this even if you will end up divorcing. My suggestion is that you get the book "Smart Couples Finish Rich". Read it. Get her to read it. And then the two of you work on fixing your finances.

About the house. Did your wife put any money down on it? If so about how much? Did her father put money down on it or just co-sign. Are both of their names on the deed or just hers or just his? All of this makes a difference of what right you have to some portion of equity in the house. 

You will need to look up the divorce laws in your state. I suggest you do this and study them as much as you can before you go see an attorney because you seem to have no real idea how it works. There are books for each state on divorce laws, just search on amazon.com for books on the topic for your state. Also do a lot of google searching on divorce in your state. there is a lot out there on the topic.


----------

