# Been off for a while, in a new relationship



## stillhoping (Aug 27, 2012)

I have moved, physically and emotionally from my old home and I hope, from my old relationship. I am spending time with a man I knew in college, meet up through a common friend. He is such a great guy, D x 10 years, two kids, 3 grandkids who he adores. We have a lot of interests in common, had a great summer, hanging out on weekends, occasionally during the week, as he lives about 90 minutes away. He is telling me he hasn't seen or learned a thing about me that he doesn't like, he is really happy with our relationship but doesn't want to pressure me since I am just a couple of years out after a 30 year relationship. 

When we are together, I am so comfortable, he is really interested in my job, my friends, my hobbies, my family. He listens when I am sad, celebrates when I am happy, etc. 

Now, the concern. I like many things about my single life. I miss many things about being in a relationship. I'm not sure he is my next love, I am not sure I am ready to be in love again. There is no hurry, but my heart tells me this is an important relationship, but I am a total chicken. In my marriage, I gave my all. I don't think I would survive doing that again. Words of wisdom please


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Best advice? Go slow. Take your time. 

Date him for at least a year before even starting to think about if this is the real thing.


----------



## stillhoping (Aug 27, 2012)

Its just so easy to fall in to the best parts of a relationship. The shared jokes, the going to everything as a couple again. Just hanging out with each other, sharing the yard work, his grandkids. I loved being in a relationship, taking care of other people. So far, all that is going really well. And I see that I can certainly wait a year to make any big changes. We are going out about 6 months so far


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Just give it time. Watch for red flags. I hope it does work out for you.


----------



## poppyseed (Dec 22, 2013)

stillhoping said:


> When we are together, I am so comfortable, he is really interested in my job, my friends, my hobbies, my family. He listens when I am sad, celebrates when I am happy, etc.
> 
> Now, the concern. I like many things about my single life. I miss many things about being in a relationship. I'm not sure he is my next love, I am not sure I am ready to be in love again. There is no hurry, but my heart tells me this is an important relationship, but I am a total chicken. In my marriage, I gave my all. I don't think I would survive doing that again. Words of wisdom please


You might want to remember that it is "you" that's important. This could be an important relationship but you're out of a very long marriage. Perhaps, you should have some fun and date others instead of going exclusive too soon. Post-divorce, it would be the best time for self-growth, meeting new people, having lots of exciting new experiences, travels and generally celebrating and enrichment of one's life. Have you looked at "Singles of TAM" thread yet? It's a riot. I couldn't stop laughing. I also learned a lot from that thread. Good luck.


----------



## Fenix (Jul 2, 2013)

Stillhoping, just enjoy the moment. You are a few years out and he is 10 out. After a 30 year relationship, there is no need to feel pressure to move fast. You are in a different phase of life. Enjoy him and let him enjoy you. 

While six months is still honeymoon time, it is also a decent amount of time to figure out the crazies. Your heart says yes, but you are scared. Well, life does not favor the faint of heart. Rein in your fear, follow you gut and have fun. You do not have to go all in. And if things ultimately don't work out, what have you lost vs what have you gained? You have lost a bit of time (for what??) and you have gained the experience of knowing a wonderful man with whom you have had a ton of fun.


----------



## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

One other bit of advice - enjoy it, don't analyze it too much but don't enmesh yourself in it. For instance, if you had post-divorce plans of always having Sunday brunch with a girlfriend(s), keep doing that. You may be tempted to forgo individual plans for couple plans and sometimes that's fine - if you have a weekend trip planned with him then sure skip Sunday brunch that one time. But make sure to keep some of your individual time. Set that aside as sacred so you don't become all about him/the couple - you need to retain you as YOU.


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Stillhoping - just go with it! It seems like he's a catch and is really respectful of you and the journey you have been on with marriage/divorce and he isn't rushing you. Those are all wins!

There's no pressure to do anything - enjoy it for what it is. It's easy to get caught up in the what-ifs or feeling like "I won't be able to survive a negative experience again" but the thing is -- no matter what, you will prevail and move forward, always in this life. 

Enjoy it. There is no set rule for anything as long as you are both honest and happy.


----------



## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Take your time. Use him like a boy toy. Have fun.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

If you're happy and he's happy, why are you thinking there's any pressure to make any life changing decisions or changes? 

C


----------



## stillhoping (Aug 27, 2012)

Thanks everyone, you are all correct, there is no rush, just the present and I can enjoy it like the gift it is. I will keep my friends, my own plans and bring him into my life. Its not easy to think so positively, a whole new world


----------



## poppyseed (Dec 22, 2013)

bandit.45 said:


> Take your time. Use him like a boy toy. Have fun.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Humour is good for the soul


----------



## Fenix (Jul 2, 2013)

poppyseed said:


> Humour is good for the soul


Always. Especially in the darkest moments.


----------



## COguy (Dec 1, 2011)

EnjoliWoman said:


> One other bit of advice - enjoy it, don't analyze it too much but don't enmesh yourself in it. For instance, if you had post-divorce plans of always having Sunday brunch with a girlfriend(s), keep doing that. You may be tempted to forgo individual plans for couple plans and sometimes that's fine - if you have a weekend trip planned with him then sure skip Sunday brunch that one time. But make sure to keep some of your individual time. Set that aside as sacred so you don't become all about him/the couple - you need to retain you as YOU.


This advice is gold. Don't rearrange your life for someone you've only known for 6 months. Should the relationship pan out it will be like getting divorced.


----------

