# Caught in a blaming game !



## Sharonn (Jul 24, 2016)

We have only been married for one year. We are from different places.My husband blames me for his past emotional affair he had which happened one year ago shortly after we got married. It was quite bad cause he didn't want to be close to me and have sex with me. It was a long-distance affair but of course all sort of dirty talk and emotional sharing which he wouldn't share with me. 

I tried to make things work even his reaction was pretty nasty after I confronted him. He blame me for his wrongdoing. I was stupid and actually tried even harder to be a better wife. I thought I have forgiven him where nothing was for me to forgive. As he didn't show remorse through actions. Remorse should be self-initiated not demanded. I did stop him from using Facebook cause thats how they met which he did follow. Other than verbal apology, he didn't do anything else to be a better husband. 

I know that's not the way, as I should try to trust him so after 6 months I told him he could use facebbok it. Then, he stopped me from calling him baby on Facebook last week which triggered everything. My comment was removed shortly after. As he didn't do anything in the past to restore trust, he's doing this because he want to keep the door of flirting open. He scolded me afterwards that I don't trust him. The blame is out again. He always blame me for everything. I am sick of it. I have moved country for him and tried hard to keep it together. 

Finally, I told him I want to leave him because I have done what I could trying to give myself false hope things will be better. He started blaming me again for small things. I am so sick of all this blaming. WHAT IS HE TRYING TO DO ? IS HE Psychologically ABUSING ME ? WHY DOES HE BLAMES ME ALL THE TIME ? 

I did argue and stopped him from blaming me but it's not about being right or wrong. I am just done being blamed when I am completely loyal to him. I am so hurt that I get blamed for everything. When I told him I want a divorce, he started blaming me again. I just kept crying and crying cause I am extremely hurt from the blame. Then he said we should talk again later. How can I stop him from blaming me ? I just don't want out divorce to be nasty and for it to take years because I just walked away. Shall I just protect myself and go back home to my country or I should talk to him properly before I go ? I can't tolerate the blame anymore. I am so hurt ! Please help !


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## blahfridge (Dec 6, 2014)

He sounds like a horrible husband, you should end this marriage as soon as possible and go back to your country. Do not talk to your husband again before you talk to a lawyer first. You haven't been married very long and you have no children. The divorce should be simple and shouldn't take long. And stop letting g him make you feel this is your fault!


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## straightshooter (Dec 27, 2015)

Sharonn,

You got it right 100%. It is simply called "blameshifting". get this straight. If there are problems on communication, sex, or anything else in the marriage you both may own 50%. The cheating is 100% on HIM, and there is no sugar coating that one.

you are basically a newlywed so this crap starting at this point in your relationship is obviously not a good thing. i think most will tell you to leave him and you can do better ,but he obviously thinks he can bluff you and intimidate you.

my recommendation to you are to
(1) see an attorney and DO NOT tell him. You need to know your specific rights where you live.
(2) if you decide to stay, set your NON NEGOTIABLE expectations that must be verifiable. he is a proven liar right now.

And if you want to really rattle his cage since he is bullying you, tell him you are fine with his version of open marriage, and that he can flirt or do anything he wants to and you will do the same. my guess is he will resemble Casper the Ghost when you toss that one at him.

play hardball. Do not put up with what he is dishing out.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Counselling might help. Or a divorce.


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## katiecrna (Jan 29, 2016)

Divorce. Protect yourself. He is immature and selfish. Get out ASAP, If you hurt this much it will only get worse and harder to walk away.


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

You deserve better.


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## Emerging Buddhist (Apr 7, 2016)

He blames you for everything, has emotional affairs on you, is not close nor want intimacy with you, cannot be trusted for truth, and is emotionally and verbally abusive one year into a marriage... not knowing his true mental stability, nationally and culture and with the level of disrespect he has shown you, when does it transition so something more abusive? 

Now is the time to choose the healthy path for yourself and plan how to leave, protecting yourself should be your sole focus. Love simply does not act the way the way you describe your marriage and his ego is too big to navigate and his buttons the size of a dinner plate, I doubt he would even consider a form or marriage counseling the way you describe him. I would not encourage pressing any more buttons but move quietly.

Before you do, find out your country/state/province "long-arm" law for initiating and processing an out of country/location divorce. If you do not, you may be forced to return to your current locale and go through the hardship of filing again from that locale where your poorly behaving, non-remorseful and unrepentant act of a husband is. You have already informed him of you intent, there is no need to bring it up again and face additional wrath, remove yourself as quickly as your legal path allows you since you are in foreign territory,

If you cannot leave the country to divorce, you will have to find a safe place and know the laws to protect you and be sure to keep your passport with you at all times so that it cannot be separated form you and held against you for leverage.

Please be safe as you pursue you better path...


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## VladDracul (Jun 17, 2016)

MattMatt said:


> Counselling might help. Or a divorce.


Divorce and counseling, with divorce being first.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

VladDracul said:


> Divorce and counseling, with divorce being first.


You could well be right.


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## VFW (Oct 24, 2012)

The boy barely got out of the honeymoon suite before he started cheating. Naturally, he has to blame you for the problems in the marriage and somebody has to be at fault. You didn't expect him to accept responsible for his actions did you? (Just Kidding). Consult with an attorney and put an end to this nonsense, then you will be free to go whereever will make you happy and continue with your life. Move forward and don't look back.


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## LucasJackson (May 26, 2016)

Only married a year and he's already being a royal jackass? Kick him to the curb and move on before you invest too much of yourself.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

I have a question for you. Who did he blame before he had you to be the Blamester?


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Pack his sh!t in garbage bags and throw them out on the front porch. Tell him he's gone and you will be divorcing him. Stop having sex with him. 

Your husband is a serial cheat. He is also emotionally and mentally abusive towards you. You cannot fix this or change him. Serial cheats do not change. They are broken. He is broken and there is no fixing him. If you get pregnant by him you will be ruined and will be chained to this idiot for the rest of your life. 

Don't ruin your life staying married to a pathetic clown.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

bandit.45 said:


> Pack his sh!t in garbage bags and throw them out on the front porch. Tell him he's gone and you will be divorcing him. Stop having sex with him.
> 
> Your husband is a serial cheat. He is also emotionally and mentally abusive towards you. You cannot fix this or change him. Serial cheats do not change. They are broken. He is broken and there is no fixing him. If you get pregnant by him you will be ruined and will be chained to this idiot for the rest of your life.
> 
> Don't ruin your life staying married to a pathetic clown.


:iagree:

And he is not even a *nice* clown.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

MattMatt said:


> :iagree:
> 
> And he is not even a *nice* clown.


No... he's a parade clown with a rainbow afro. I hate those fvckers.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

bandit.45 said:


> No... he's a parade clown with a rainbow afro. I hate those fvckers.


:wtf:










Wow @bandit.45 That *is* scary! :rofl:


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