# Its official now we are seperated.....



## noideato20 (Oct 27, 2009)

I moved over here from coping with infidelity. Thats how I deal or cope I tell him to move. Although he had no problem doing so. He moved on monday havent talked to him since. Except I had to text him to see if he had the money to pay his separation child support. He opened his own account and his check goes in there which is fine as long as he pays what he said. Ive been worried alot over the past few days because I have all the bills now. It will take some budgeting on my part to make it work. I just feel like he has this hatred for me that I just dont understand how it got to that point in a month and a half. Anyway its very hard to keep my mind of feeling sorry for myself. I guess it will get better but I was on a severe crying jag last night. I would have never thought someone who said he loved me so much all those years could be so callous to me now. Tomm my youngest has a band concert at school that should be painful and interesting. I know alot of people have btdt but it still hurts like hell.
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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

It can only get better, right? Sorry its so tough.


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

So if he were to come back - dump the girl - and promise to make some very minor improvements would you want him back?


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## noideato20 (Oct 27, 2009)

Something just occured to me when I was folding up clothes.(One small benefit is there is less laundry.) The thing that occured to me is he moved out and he has nothing but his clothes and the all important TV. So the way I figure it as painful as it is was he had to be pretty unhappy. I cant imagine being that unhappy that I would leave my home, my comforts, everything I had accumulated, as well as the day to day with my kids unless I was....... well I just cant imagine a scenerio unless it was physical abuse and even then I wouldnt leave my children. Its a painful realization that thats how much he loves this woman or girl whatever. This cant have been going on for more than a year. WOW.....

Anyway on a lighter note I was getting ready to go shopping with my 12 yr old and I was putting on my makeup and stuff and he said mom are we going or what? I said honey im a cougar now and I cant leave the house unless im uber sexy. He died laughing. Good to know my kids still think Im funny. Heres wishing everyone a great weekend!!!!!
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## noideato20 (Oct 27, 2009)

Tommorrow will be a week since he left. Had no contact at all except exchanging awkard smiles at the school function. Like I said before its just weird. Like he dropped off the face of the earth. My seventen yr old has been by to see him a few times. Its good he has his own car and can go by there. Went xmas shopping yesterday and then I started to get really angry again just pure rage sometimes. Came home finally settled down and then I was exhausted from all these feelings. My seventeen year old is acting kind of strange. He sent me a text message the other day and his signature had been changed to *depessed* I tried to talk to him about it and he said he was just going through somethings he had to work out. It is painful to see all of this and I have no idea whats going through his head. Teenagers just dont talk about things. Anyone have any suggestions on that??
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## silvernblack (Jul 21, 2009)

It wasn't but 6 years ago that I was 17, and what worked when my mom wanted to talk to me was her forcing me to talk lol. I know, it's not the best method...and I'd talk to him if he changed his signature to "depressed". You could say something like "I know it's been difficult, but the best way for you to cope is not by holding in your feelings. You need to express how you feel, no matter if you're feeling sad, angry, confused, or all of the above. I'm going to help you through this".

Also realize that he's a male, and they're expected (by society) to just put on a tough appearance and deal with things, and not show they're hurt. He needs to know he can let it out.

I wondered what had happened with you, looked up the old thread and caught up, then came over here. I'm so glad that he's gone and you don't have to put on the facade anymore. But it's going to hurt. After 18 years together, it will be tough at times. I'm hurting like crazy, and I was only married for 4 months! 

My advice to you is when you start feeling really hurt and angry that you find an outlet that doesn't involve calling or texting him. I so want him to sign my papers and not be tied to him anymore, that I called him for 20 min straight tonight to see what the deal was, and why he wouldn't get it over with...I sent some pretty nasty text messages, and emails. He's ignoring them all. I don't get what the hold up is, especially since he has NOT changed at all. Back to my point- don't give him a reason to call you "crazy". That is what my bastard (I refuse to call that man my husband) will do, because he doesn't want to face the fact that he ruined the marriage, and will want to find a way to blame it on me.

Here are some other things that may make you feel better:

1.) Be glad you aren't married to Shaq or Tiger Woods right now, or else your husband's cheating would be on front street in a terribly embarrassing way...

2.) Be glad you aren't married to my bastard. I found out that not only is he a convicted felon (had no clue he'd ever even been to jail), but the girl he cheated with indeed has an STD (no, I didn't get anything thank God), he never married the woman who was supposedly his 1st "wife" (she was common law), may not have married the 2nd "wife" (which makes me the 1st? hell I don't know anymore), and he has totally lied about his finances and now his house (the one he begged me to come back to) is begin foreclosed on.


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## noideato20 (Oct 27, 2009)

Thanks for the cheer up silvernblack . Your right it could always and I mean always be worse. Sounds like you have had a pretty rough go of it with him. You are very wise and thoughtful for a person your age. I guess Im chuggin along ok for right now. I still am prone to crying at the drop of a hat though. Im glad its the weekend. Im thankful I have my kids. Im thankful I had the money to get them what they wanted for xmas. Im thankful im not married to tiger although when your sleeping with that many women you cant fall in love with them all.
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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

I loved your cougar comment to your 12 year old! Funny.

You are hurting but from your post your sound like a strong woman. That sense of humor will help carry you..


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## noideato20 (Oct 27, 2009)

Thanks cw I have read through alot of yours, wrens and LH Threads. They have gotten me through many a lonely night. Also kind of let me know what Im gonna be going through. I read something the other day that said you dont build character through easy times just struggle. So a feel an injection of character may be coming soon.
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## karajh (Jul 25, 2009)

silvernblack said:


> It wasn't but 6 years ago that I was 17, and what worked when my mom wanted to talk to me was her forcing me to talk lol. I know, it's not the best method...and I'd talk to him if he changed his signature to "depressed". You could say something like "I know it's been difficult, but the best way for you to cope is not by holding in your feelings. You need to express how you feel, no matter if you're feeling sad, angry, confused, or all of the above. I'm going to help you through this".
> 
> Also realize that he's a male, and they're expected (by society) to just put on a tough appearance and deal with things, and not show they're hurt. He needs to know he can let it out.
> 
> ...


Wow Girl...!


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