# Please, I need your help about my marriage..



## laughingtogether (Nov 4, 2011)

My husband and I were married for 14 years. He left 4 years ago but we were working towards to make it better. His family always caused problems in our marriage.We started having disagreements.I told him it was over. How matter he wanted to have some contact with me I did not allow him for a year. After that when I get to see him, I asked him not to waste our marriage and i told him that we both made mistakes. he agreed. but, i could see in his eyes that he wanted a single life and a free life.. It is another year is gone now we had no contact. it seems like he has no intention to apply for a divorce. Why would he do that? He is 51 years old..I really want him back. Any advice please..


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## expatforlife (Jun 12, 2011)

why haven't you applied for a divorce?

Why not call him up and ask him on* a date? If he says no, then file, if he says yes, then you got out and see what happens.


*edited word


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## laughingtogether (Nov 4, 2011)

expatforlife said:


> why haven't you applied for a divorce?
> 
> Why not call him up and ask him on* a date? If he says no, then file, if he says yes, then you got out and see what happens.
> 
> ...


Thank you for your reply.

I thought about filing a divorce but I just don't want to. Because I still want him in my life..
I cant call him because I wrote him an email 6 months ago and told him hat I would never forgive him what he did to me and I told him he could go to hell. Because all the hurt he has done over the years..He has not replied.
I heard that he is looking for other women on the net.

I wish I knew what to do


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## expatforlife (Jun 12, 2011)

Have you gone to some sort of counseling to work through your marriage issues on an individual level? Or are you just feeling lonely? Are you jealous he is dating? Basically why the big change 6 months after your last vent?

I am guessing he is not a mind reader. So if you want him back in your life, you have to contact him. You have to work it through with him. Have you considered asking him to see a counselor with you?

You also have to acknowledge that if he doesn't wish to work it out and you don't want an estranged marriage where you husband dates then you will need to file the papers.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

You told him you could never forgive him, and told him to get out of your life. What did you expect to result from saying those things? He's doing what you told him to.

Either call him or move on, already. Your choice. But hanging on to hope he'll suddenly phone and apologize will simply continue to hurt.

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## dojo (Jul 4, 2011)

If you want him back in your life, let him know and try to get him on board with it. If not, get a divorce. All this 'limbo', when you don't know who's doing what, won't be a solution for you. Either work it out or both move on


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

laughingtogether said:


> I cant call him because I wrote him an email 6 months ago and told him hat I would never forgive him what he did to me and I told him he could go to hell. (


So maybe that's where he went???? :scratchhead:

And if you can't forgive him, they why in the world do you want him back? Apparently he is gone, not coming back, and you need to move on. You've sat around and wasted 2 years of your life just to see if he's coming back. Looks like he likes Hell better.


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## laughingtogether (Nov 4, 2011)

expatforlife said:


> Have you gone to some sort of counseling to work through your marriage issues on an individual level? Or are you just feeling lonely? Are you jealous he is dating? Basically why the big change 6 months after your last vent?
> 
> I am guessing he is not a mind reader. So if you want him back in your life, you have to contact him. You have to work it through with him. Have you considered asking him to see a counselor with you?
> 
> You also have to acknowledge that if he doesn't wish to work it out and you don't want an estranged marriage where you husband dates then you will need to file the papers.


Thank you so much for your reply again.Yes we went to counseling but it did not work out.Yes, I do feel lonely. I do not know for sure he is dating all I know is he is looking for someone.
If he wants a free life and a dating others, why he does not divorce me then?
I am not sure if I will file the papers


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

It's been 4 years and no sign of reconciliation.

 If you're happy being married but not together, then great...but is this how you want to spend the rest of your life?


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## laughingtogether (Nov 4, 2011)

PBear said:


> You told him you could never forgive him, and told him to get out of your life. What did you expect to result from saying those things? He's doing what you told him to.
> 
> Either call him or move on, already. Your choice. But hanging on to hope he'll suddenly phone and apologize will simply continue to hurt.
> 
> ...


Thank you for your reply.

Yes, I did say that.Because he promised he was going to call me. I felt that all those years later he just threw me like a piece of dirty handkerchief.So, Iwrote to him and told him i will not forgive him.Because I was deeply hurt.

Yes, you are right,hanging on hope is just hurting me deeply..


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## laughingtogether (Nov 4, 2011)

dojo said:


> If you want him back in your life, let him know and try to get him on board with it. If not, get a divorce. All this 'limbo', when you don't know who's doing what, won't be a solution for you. Either work it out or both move on


Thank you for your reply.

I dont think I can call him .My pride is on its way.


I know it sounds so stupid..


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## laughingtogether (Nov 4, 2011)

that_girl said:


> It's been 4 years and no sign of reconciliation.
> 
> If you're happy being married but not together, then great...but is this how you want to spend the rest of your life?


We have been trying to work it out. And his family got involved and I reacted angry towards them. He was between us.
No, I dont want to spend the rest of my life like this. 
But, I dont know how to get out of this situation either. I feel soo lonely and miserable

I am not ready to contact him. I regret i wrote that email and told him i would never forgive him. I also wrote to him that i did not wish him well I was so angry and deeply hurt that time.

But, I should have never written like that. It is too late now.


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## laughingtogether (Nov 4, 2011)

southern wife said:


> So maybe that's where he went???? :scratchhead:
> 
> And if you can't forgive him, they why in the world do you want him back? Apparently he is gone, not coming back, and you need to move on. You've sat around and wasted 2 years of your life just to see if he's coming back. Looks like he likes Hell better.


Thank you for your reply.

True.If I cant forgive him why would I want him? Because I was hurt and angry at that time..
I know, I need to move on.I just dont know how

Yes, I wasted 2 years of my life like an idiot. You are dead right..

Yes, probably he likes hell better than me..


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## laughingtogether (Nov 4, 2011)

Any more suggestions?


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## Juicy (Nov 15, 2011)

Sounds like he has really hurt you and you have had both said hurtful things.

But does not the fact that you are still thinking about him tell you something?

Maybe you miss him and want it to work, or maybe you are jealous he is moving on and you are still left behind trying to pick up the pieces of your marriage?

If you truly want him back and want to make it work, call him and arrange a 'date' so you can talk things through. Go somewhere public because I find that keeps both parties calm and it is less likely for you two to have an argument. 

If in your heart you love him and can't imagine carrying on any longer without him then contact him. Don't let pride get in the way, sometimes it's okay to let your guard down as you will be happier. 

If you contact him and find he doesn't feel the same, atleast you know and won't be clinging on to this hope of reconciliation. You can then move on aswell and atleast you will never think 'what if' all the time. 

I really hope it works out for you if that is what you want.


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## scione (Jul 11, 2011)

You said you can't call him because of your pride. What about his pride? Do you expect him to come crawling back after you kicked him out and don't want anymore contact with him?

What if he does the same thing to you? Would you call him and beg to be back with him? He's only looking for other women because he wants to be with someone. All men does. He couldn't be with you because you did not allow him to be.


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## blissful (Nov 14, 2011)

hi, he way i see it people will say stupid things when they r hurt or in the heat of an argument. it doesn't justify it or make it right, but everyone has said something at some point in their life which they wish they could take back.

that being said- are u sure you want him back for the right reasons? there were obviously issues to begin with- that was what started the fights in the first place, right? so maybe now you just feel so guilty for the silly email, that you're brushing over all the problems and just focusing on the guilt you feel for the email. sometimes, we tend to sugar coat/ glorify things in our mind, esp if we feel some guilt about a situation.

the first step is to let yourself of the hook- you said some hurtful things, that was the wrong thing to do, but you were hurting & it happened. nothing you can do about it now.

next step, really evaluate your relationship- all the good bad stuff over the years. i found it helpful to put it all down on paper. almost like a biography of the relationship. then once its all down- the good & bad times, look at it objectively. are the flaws in the relationship part of the fundamental building blocks eg. trust, communication, love etc. If so, then maybe you are pursuing a doomed relationship.

You've already wasted such a long time being in limbo- take back your own power & make a decision as to what is best for YOU. if he doesn't file for a divorce for the next 10 years, are you just gonna wait around? Maybe he hasn't applied for a divorce cos the marriage- even if its only on paper- is a safety neyt for him. some people find it difficult to be alon.

you BOTH deserve to be happy, even if that means with other people. so start with baby steps, what's the worst that can happen- can the situation really get worse than it is now? good luck


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## laughingtogether (Nov 4, 2011)

Thank you all.I will be back soon and write to each of you..


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## laughingtogether (Nov 4, 2011)

Juicy said:


> Sounds like he has really hurt you and you have had both said hurtful things.
> *Thank you for your reply. Yes you are right we both said hurtful things to each other.
> *
> But does not the fact that you are still thinking about him tell you something?
> ...


Thank you so much..


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## laughingtogether (Nov 4, 2011)

scione said:


> You said you can't call him because of your pride. What about his pride? Do you expect him to come crawling back after you kicked him out and don't want anymore contact with him?
> 
> What if he does the same thing to you? Would you call him and beg to be back with him? He's only looking for other women because he wants to be with someone. All men does. He couldn't be with you because you did not allow him to be.


I did not kick him out. He promised that we would be together and we have been working on our marriage. He always said I will always his wife his relatives etc can not change that. But a few months later he said he does not sure about his feelings.
The more I tried the more he was being hurtful towards me.He used to laugh at me and told me that I am so desperate about MY (!) marriage.. And 3 months later he came to say he was so sorry what he did.He said he was angry that's why he was like that..
We started seeing each other again.I thought we were doing well but he said he only had 4 great days with me and he had fun but thats all..

There fore one day, I told him that he can have his way, because he was the one who wanted the marriage finish but he always gave me different signals. I have had enough..
So, I told him finishing the marriage is his idea. He said yes. I said ok, have a wonderful life then. he said thank you.
I was telling him it was over. He was agreeing with me and trying to cuddle me.!? I did not allow him.

after that i did not talk to him for a year.I just gave him a space he wanted.And I did not want to be hurt anymore then I was.

I could no longer have the life he wanted me to live. One day he wanted me the next day he did not. I know, his family were poisoning him. Because I am his second wife. We don't have kids together.
In that 3 year separation time , we always saw each other, because our office's were so close.
when I did not say hello to him for 1 year when I passed him he tried to talk to me. He was so angry I did not.
After that I found another job and did not see him for 3 months and called him 3 months later. He was very concerned that I was okay or not. Because he did not know where I went.
He hugged me maybe 50 times that day.He said he missed me.He sad he even went to bed to cry.But at the same time he said he moved on from the marriage but later on he changed his 
idea And promised me he would call me but he said we must take it slowly. I agreed.
I waited for 4 months to call me he did not. So I wrote that email to him and told him that He hurt me so much and i wish him nothing..
I am sorry , I took so long to write my story. Thank you for your reply.


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## laughingtogether (Nov 4, 2011)

blissful said:


> hi, he way i see it people will say stupid things when they r hurt or in the heat of an argument. it doesn't justify it or make it right, but everyone has said something at some point in their life which they wish they could take back.
> 
> that being said- are u sure you want him back for the right reasons? there were obviously issues to begin with- that was what started the fights in the first place, right? so maybe now you just feel so guilty for the silly email, that you're brushing over all the problems and just focusing on the guilt you feel for the email. sometimes, we tend to sugar coat/ glorify things in our mind, esp if we feel some guilt about a situation.
> 
> ...



Everything you wrote to me is well said. Thank you so much.


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## laughingtogether (Nov 4, 2011)

tariq456 said:


> One side you say don't allow to contact and now you see in his eyes like free life etc .
> My observation is that you and he loves each other and feel shy to talk to each other lets start talk and get together if you really want . No one can do this job only you and he .


True.No one can do it only me and him..
Thank you so much for your reply.


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## laughingtogether (Nov 4, 2011)

laughingtogether said:


> Yes, I feel that he still loves me and thinks of me.
> ANd yes, after what i wrote to him, he would not call me and It is very hard for me to call him.
> 
> True.No one can do it only me and him..
> Thank you so much for your reply.


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## laughingtogether (Nov 4, 2011)

My husband cancelled our account last week.(not a bank account) Just something it was not even important.Even he paid a little bit fee to cancel it..
I did not even use it the last 3 years.
He knows I would not anyway. I wonder what would be the point of doing that.
My husband always trusted me with his accounts.And the most I would cost him a few dollars, if I ever used that account..
I do not think it is the issue anyway.
There must be something else.


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## TiredKiwi (Oct 18, 2011)

Dear laughingtogether,

I know that this is very hard and that it is a very emotionally charged situation, both in the past and the present. I would have only two things to recommend and one viewpoint from my own dilemna.

First recommendation: remember to live in the present. I learned about something called 'mindfulness' right after I read the book 'emotional intelligence 2.0'. Basically the emphasis is that everything between you and your husband that has happened is just that - in the past tense. Being mindful is focusing on what your senses are telling you, sight, taste, touch, hearing, and sound. I would say write a journal about your relationship as someone recommended earlier. Then go through and try to read it while being mindful, but realize that all the feelings you wrote are history. It is up to you to live in the current moment and make a move.

Second recommendation: Look into what is being called EQ 'emotional intelligence'. Then realize - while being mindful - that any interaction is equal between both you and your husband. You are both not calling, emailing, texting, or otherwise talking to each other. He says that he was only happy four days out of a certain period of time. What about you? His focus was apparently on having fun and a good time, not giving you fun and a good time. Consider trying to act sort of 'professionally civil' with him. If he wants to talk, arrangements can be made, yet you are not there to please him. You are there to see if your marriage will work, for both of you. If he can't bring anything to the table for you - find someone who will.

Also, a viewpoint from my dilemna: If my wife and I ever separated, I would want to stay married till I had a good reason (i.e. a prospective fiancee or her being financially dangerous). The reason is that she is still my sons mother and get insurance benefits from my job. In fact, I would keep her on my insurance even if we had no child.


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## laughingtogether (Nov 4, 2011)

TiredKiwi said:


> Dear laughingtogether,
> 
> I know that this is very hard and that it is a very emotionally charged situation, both in the past and the present. I would have only two things to recommend and one viewpoint from my own dilemna.
> 
> ...


Thank you very much.I really appreciated your answer.You are right.Most of our marriage was pleasing him and I always felt my needs were not met
And the last time I saw him he told me that he knew very well how I felt.
My husband is after a fantasy life, I believe.
That life does not exist in reality.But, He wants it.

When we got married he used to tell me and put others down that people just give up their marriage, they don't even try.
He actually did the same thing.


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## Trying2figureitout (Feb 3, 2011)

Call him and tell him had enough time has passed and that you would like to give it another go ideally and feel confident that you could make it work as you've learned a lot about yourself and what it takes or if he is ready and doesn't want to try then you'll accept divorce. Eiter way make him do something.

Can't let this fester... have him make a decision


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## Patricia B. Pina (Nov 22, 2011)

There is nothing about this.
Just file for a divorce and move on.
Staying in this relationship will make you both miserable.


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## laughingtogether12 (Jan 22, 2012)

Finally, 13 months later, I had 5 missed calls and a message from my husband saying that he needs my postal address for filing a divorce two days a go.
I returned his call and we met..
He hugged me when he saw me.
I told him that I respect his wish but I dont want a divorce.
He said our marriage does not go anywhere.
He wants to forget his past ( as far as I understand he wants to forget our 14 years of marriage)

He wants to make a clean start.

He said he has deep feelings for me but we have animosity between us. He can not get over it.

I know that my husband is still being poisoned by his family. They dont like me. They are so happy we are apart.

Later in the conversation he said he will delay filing a divorce.
Lets see how we go.

He offered me to fix my car and he offered me to help moving my house ( I am just about to move a new place)

I thanked him.
When we said good bye to each other when he hugged me, I could feel how much he missed me.

I never asked but He told me that he never had any one in his life when we were apart.He said he would not sleep with any one while he is married to me.

He told me quite a few times to bring my car over to his place. SO he would fix it.

Now, Could you please help me what Should I do ? How should I approach him?
One of my friend said he missed you so much but all the things happened between you and him , he had too much pride to call you and to see you.
So, he just bluffed you!? 


Any advice please.. I really love my husband.

Thank you so much..


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## Mrs. T (Aug 5, 2011)

laughingtogether12 said:


> Finally, 13 months later, I had 5 missed calls and a message from my husband saying that he needs my postal address for filing a divorce two days a go.
> I returned his call and we met..
> He hugged me when he saw me.
> I told him that I respect his wish but I dont want a divorce.
> ...


Let him fix your car. Thank him. To keep the line of communication open offer to take him to lunch or dinner after he works on your car to give you the opportunity to talk more. At the end tell him you enjoyed spending time with him, that in the past there may have been animosity but you've had time to let some of those feelings go...tell him you still love him.


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## laughingtogether12 (Jan 22, 2012)

Mrs. T said:


> Let him fix your car. Thank him. To keep the line of communication open offer to take him to lunch or dinner after he works on your car to give you the opportunity to talk more. At the end tell him you enjoyed spending time with him, that in the past there may have been animosity but you've had time to let some of those feelings go...tell him you still love him.


Thank you so much for your answer. I will do that..Hopefully things will work out between us.


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## laughingtogether12 (Jan 22, 2012)

I talked to my husband today.When he answered his phone. He was not in his mood. I asked him if I could bring my car on the weekend.He said Yes.
4 minutes later he called me and asked me If I want, I could bring my car the next day. I said okay.
He also asked me if I needed any help when I buy the oil filter etc.. He told me to go to his home and he would drive me to the shop to buy them.
So, we did..
I will go tomorrow and he will fix my car.
He apologized for being rude on the phone when I called. He said things were happening at work.


Any advice please..Thank you all.


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## laughingtogether12 (Jan 22, 2012)

I know, he has deep feelings for me. However, he was cold and distant today.
Should I just ignore this behavior?


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## laughingtogether12 (Jan 22, 2012)

I would like to add something.
If my husband had someone in his life. He would not tell me he is always free on the weekends..

The reason I wrote this, I thought he is having an affair, so he is distance to me.

During all our marriage, I never caught him cheating.

So, I am hoping that he really does not have any one in his life..

What do you think?


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

laughingtogether12 said:


> I would like to add something.
> If my husband had someone in his life. He would not tell me he is always free on the weekends..
> 
> The reason I wrote this, I thought he is having an affair, so he is distance to me.
> ...


After all the years apart, I think it's irrelevant if he has anyone else in his life or not. You two are living apart, as if divorced already, and he has moved on with his life without you. You keep trying to hang on to any thread that might be floating in the air, but you can't reach it and it seems you never will. You are wasting your life away by "wanting" someone that you cannot have. It's time to REALLY call it quits, let him file for the divorce, and MOVE ON already!!! :scratchhead: :banghead:

He very obviously has alot of resentment and anger towards you that even time is not healing. If you do love him, you have to let him go.....and just wish him the best. And I wish you the best!! Stop living in the past and look towards your future. There are other fish in the sea... :fish:


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## laughingtogether12 (Jan 22, 2012)

Thank you so much for your reply.


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## laughingtogether12 (Jan 22, 2012)

My husband fixed my car today. he spent a lot of time for it.

He also introduced me to his mates as "his wife"..

Honestly, I was not expecting that. I thought he would just say my name, when he introduced me.

We also went out for lunch..Had a lovely day.
He is still a bit distant but he is much better than it was before.

Hopefully things will get better.

Thank you for all your replies.


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## blissful (Nov 14, 2011)

The adage about time being a great healer isn't true. It's what you do with that time that counts. In the time you guys were apart you both have built up alot of resentment & anger & hurt toward each other. You seem to be having an easier time of getting over it than him. The fact that he intorduced you as his wife is a good sign.

Moving forward, why don't you guys schedukle a date night for a weeks time. Dont push too hard though, or you may spook him. Maybe say "I had a really good time the other day & I would like to do it again. Would you like to do dinner next Fri?" By starting to socialise again maybe you guys can get on the road to recovery. 

I wouldn't discuss any famly issues or marriage problems for the next 3 dates at least. It will just rub salt in old wounds. after a few dates (4 or 5) then maybe you could suggest that the two of you go for MC together, as you would like to make this work.


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## laughingtogether12 (Jan 22, 2012)

blissful said:


> The adage about time being a great healer isn't true. It's what you do with that time that counts. In the time you guys were apart you both have built up alot of resentment & anger & hurt toward each other. You seem to be having an easier time of getting over it than him. The fact that he intorduced you as his wife is a good sign.
> 
> Moving forward, why don't you guys schedukle a date night for a weeks time. Dont push too hard though, or you may spook him. Maybe say "I had a really good time the other day & I would like to do it again. Would you like to do dinner next Fri?" By starting to socialise again maybe you guys can get on the road to recovery.
> 
> I wouldn't discuss any famly issues or marriage problems for the next 3 dates at least. It will just rub salt in old wounds. after a few dates (4 or 5) then maybe you could suggest that the two of you go for MC together, as you would like to make this work.


What a good idea..Thank you so much..
We went to see a MC 2 years a go. We had a very bad MC. We stopped. I will ask him later on again..


My husband is so unwell. He always had anxiety problem through our marriage..He still suffers with that.


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## laughingtogether12 (Jan 22, 2012)

I am going to see my husband next week again.


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## Claude Veritas (Jan 29, 2012)

In a Sense, Both of you are "Foolishly" acting as Strangers to each other, as if you never belonged to each other nor intend any further, this is happening in your Ego and Bitterness and more because you people are Reluctant to admit you need Each Other...for PARADOXICALLY, both Love Each Other...!!

In Uncanny and Unnecessary Impulses , you people fought, bashed and split...

Now


Accept each of your faults( thats the understanding which is lacking)...the reconciliation is very possibly very possible...you .Laughing Together , shud tell him about it...he was reminding you and instigating you to do it, by his gestures,you were the one who said QUITS first,I suppose.,as I infer..for he loves you and you love him still and its like almost ever...

Now

The Signs and Gestures show how much there is Still The Strong feeling of Belonging and Intimacy...yet you both create the Distance , which is just your Incapacitance to Admit and Confess your Faults and Make it Up...

Start Afresh , learning from the Past and talk openly to each other and Live your Full Abundant Life...

Start even now and Its Now...Take the steps...dont feel ashamed...for its for Life and Its for Love...

Send him a Nice Fond SMS...and see his reply...whether it comes or not, your love is being won back

Wishes...


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## laughingtogether12 (Jan 22, 2012)

Claude Veritas said:


> In a Sense, Both of you are "Foolishly" acting as Strangers to each other, as if you never belonged to each other nor intend any further, this is happening in your Ego and Bitterness and more because you people are Reluctant to admit you need Each Other...for PARADOXICALLY, both Love Each Other...!!
> 
> In Uncanny and Unnecessary Impulses , you people fought, bashed and split...
> 
> ...


Thank you so much for your reply. As yourself said, I feel ashamed and I do not want to be hurt again either.

How do you mean Nice Fond SMS? What do you think I should write? Wish him a good day or something like that?
Is that what you meant?
You really made me feel good about myself. Thank you so much..


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## Claude Veritas (Jan 29, 2012)

Laughing together, 

In The Past and in the Split and Afterwards ...

Both of you could have had impulsive ,and sometimes ,many a times,infact,THOUGHTLESS,Conflicts...which both seems to REALIZE now...as I infer from your descriptions...for example,you called on him for the car to be taken to him on a weekend, which he agreed and hung the phone, but immediately called you back to bring it next day...it is possible that he couldnt wait to see you ,just as you made the Excuse of the car to be near him...Now Chuckle .....also his missed calls and sms etc..shows he wants you TO KNOW ( infact ,perhaps to rethink ?)

dont you see both long deeply for each other..?feigning Indifference and acting as strangers out of ego, out of fear, out of feeling guilt of the Conflicts of the Past and The Split etc etc...BUT Still Longing in your Love , which is already rekindled , infact,which never was gone ,but was always there...

There is Love , there is the Bond...which the separation made to be PINING and now that you two shud shed your ego and fear , of what the other might think, what wud happen if I tell him , or I tell her situation..!! 

*Man and Woman need to be in Synergy,Symbiosis and Mutuality...
* There shud be CONSTRUCTIVE COMPROMISE, Mutually admitting the faults and going for RECTIFICATIONS, logically agreeing on a better Understanding here after...and starting afresh...with Tolerance,Forgiveness and Realistic Approach...

---Then , why you think ,the children wont accept you? why you think he is angry with you still? perhaps he needed you to tell him finally and admit your faults ,and also he needs to tell you and admit his faults and both shud confess your Love for each other...

Somebody shud make the first move , atleast diplomatically ...

What to Send as for the SMS...?

Do you both have any Private Pleasant Nick or Pet names you had for each other? do you have special occasions, which in the past was memorable..?perhaps a place, or did you have common hobbies, or tastes like that in poetry r a Classic novel ?or a Travel Memoir of any Incident?Send a text message (with appropriate smileys..if needed) on that, wishing him as well on some thing or about the day..or anything or about Santa or Tin Tin etc etc ...or send him a Beautiful Quote , something Fair and Touching...

Just Do it,naturally and in diplomacy , so you dont over do it...but certainly,I think he wudnt mind( for he seems very much needing you back in his heart n home),even if you do...


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## laughingtogether12 (Jan 22, 2012)

Claude Veritas said:


> Laughing together,
> 
> In The Past and in the Split and Afterwards ...
> 
> ...



I am so impressed what you wrote. Thank you so very much.
I will let you know how I go..


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## laughingtogether12 (Jan 22, 2012)

I sent him a sms saying "have a great day  this morning.
I have not heard from him yet..


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## Claude Veritas (Jan 29, 2012)

Hmm...very formal ..why shud you be..?have you atleast addressed him by name..and then wished the text..?or simply formally wished..? do you feel , you will rush..? its not rushing, rather shud have been the way to address and send him..

shed that much of Formality and and next time you send , let it be bit personal more influencing and touching his heart...kind a quote that will relate to Life...and some philosophy,if not some jokes...etc 

as of now, wait some more time , till he responds...if he does not, there is nothing to worry...but have Time n Patience working on it...


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## laughingtogether12 (Jan 22, 2012)

Claude Veritas said:


> Hmm...very formal ..why shud you be..?have you atleast addressed him by name..and then wished the text..?or simply formally wished..? do you feel , you will rush..? its not rushing, rather shud have been the way to address and send him..
> 
> shed that much of Formality and and next time you send , let it be bit personal more influencing and touching his heart...kind a quote that will relate to Life...and some philosophy,if not some jokes...etc
> 
> as of now, wait some more time , till he responds...if he does not, there is nothing to worry...but have Time n Patience working on it...


yes, i think it was very formal..no, i have not addressed him by his name
yes, i do feel i will rush.
I think i am too scared to make a mistake..
Thank you soooo much for your reply..


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## Claude Veritas (Jan 29, 2012)

Its Okay, as of now, and seems perfect enough...

But have a Self-Balance on your Confidence and Fear...


PS:has not been able to reply back for pm.seems not enabled.


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## laughingtogether12 (Jan 22, 2012)

Claude Veritas said:


> Its Okay, as of now, and seems perfect enough...
> 
> But have a Self-Balance on your Confidence and Fear...
> 
> ...


Thank you..

My pm seems enabled.Where do I go to check?


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## Lydia (Sep 4, 2011)

Of course your husband is going to seem distant to you... You don't live together and it certainly doesn't seem like you spend enough time together to keep your bond and love alive.

You both really need marriage counseling. The resentment will not ease without someone there to teach you some coping skills and allow you each to talk and see each others' sides.

You both sound like you need some guidance as to what steps to take to make your marriage work, if possible. However, before you waste time and money you need to make sure your husband is 100% committed and wants the same as you. If he's not, MC is just going to be a waste of time.

Confront him. Ask him what he truly wants. If he wants to be free and single, there is nothing you can do to win him back. Unfortunately if that is the case, you will have to let him go.

As of now your marriage isn't a marriage, there is no real point in hanging on in limbo for this long. You are just sitting there stranded... You need to free yourself, either by working it out through dedication and MC or by filing divorce papers. This will not resolve on it's own.


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## laughingtogether12 (Jan 22, 2012)

Lydia said:


> Of course your husband is going to seem distant to you... You don't live together and it certainly doesn't seem like you spend enough time together to keep your bond and love alive.
> 
> You both really need marriage counseling. The resentment will not ease without someone there to teach you some coping skills and allow you each to talk and see each others' sides.
> 
> ...



Thank you very much for your answer.


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## laughingtogether12 (Jan 22, 2012)

Claude Veritas said:


> Its Okay, as of now, and seems perfect enough...
> 
> But have a Self-Balance on your Confidence and Fear...
> 
> ...



Hi, Just to let you know that I can not answer your pm.


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## laughingtogether12 (Jan 22, 2012)

I went to see my husband today. We had a nice half day At this place. 
HAd a cuppa and a nice conversation.

And evening time, we went to a meditation meeting. It was lovely.
He introduced me as his wife again.
He seems like he wants to give it a go too.
Yet,There is still a little bit distance between us..

We will go every week to a meditation night together.


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## laughingtogether12 (Jan 22, 2012)

Why cant I get private messages?


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