# Choosing between hometown or my marriage



## Aqua31401 (Apr 6, 2016)

I am torn. I met my now husband 13 years ago online. He lived in Michigan and I lived in Georgia. He eventually moved to Georgia and stayed for 8 months. Due to lack of opportunity in the city we lived and him feeling slight homesickness, we decided to relocate to Michigan together. I was also pregnant at the time with our daughter. My mom, who is retired, also came as well because she wanted to be near me and her future grandchild.

Fast forward to last year... All of this time I have lived in Michigan, my husband and I have been married for 2 years, and our daughter is now 9. My mom decided that she can no longer deal with the cold weather and had decided to relocate back home. I initially wanted to stay because I didn't want to jeopardize my marriage. I knew my husband wasn't ready to leave because he has children from his previous marriage that he is trying to rebuild his relationship with. However, we were staying with his mom trying to get on our feet due to our financial situation. His mom was being hateful towards my daughter (yes, her grandchild) and I couldn't take it anymore. We got into an argument and she asked my daughter and I to leave. My husband was furious. He stood up for me and our daughter because he knew his mom was wrong, but at that point I didn't want to be there any longer. I would have just found a place to stay in Michigan, but we were so buried in debt that it was not feasible. I decided to come back home and live with family until we could get on our feet. My husband did not want to follow immediately because he was not ready to leave his other kids behind (ages 13, 18, 19). 

My mom and I came home and lived with family to get on our feet. My husband and I made plans for him to follow. He told me he wanted to wait at least 6 months before relocating because he didn't want to just up and leave his kids behind so quickly, which is understandable. After we had been here for 6 months, my husband found a job and moved here last month (March 1st). We decided to continue staying with family for 1 month so he can get a few pay checks and decide the area we wants to live in.

2 weeks into him being here, he tells me he's extremely homesick and he's not sure if he can continue living here. We immediately discussed counseling for him and he was receptive. He attended 3 counseling sessions before he confirmed that he wanted to go back home. He has already put in his notice to resign at his job and has already made preparations to move back. 

I'm really torn. He told me loves me and he wants me to move back with him, but he cannot live here right now. He thinks my hometown is beautiful, but he's terribly depressed about leaving Michigan. He said he can't promise whether or not he will ever be able to move here because he just feels like he needs to be home. He understands if I choose not to go back. Our relationship is great outside of this, but now I don't know what to do. I really enjoyed living in Michigan, but I ABSOLUTELY HATE the cold weather. I have two health conditions that are affected by cold weather and the weather has gotten as low as -15 in the winter! If it wasn't for the cold weather, this choice wouldn't be so hard for me to make... or if my husband was able to promise me that he would definitely commit to relocating in 5 years, which he says he can't.

I know essentially I would have to make this decision based off of my own happiness, but just wanted to get opinions from others.


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

Maybe there is a halfway point that isn't so cold and is close enough for each to visit family?


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## CMD1978 (Apr 9, 2016)

Can you afford to become snowbirds? Winters in Georgia, summers in Michigan? Would that be an acceptable compromise?


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

What he has tying him to Michigan is more important than what is tying you to Georgia. You are man & wife. Have a daughter together. I'm sorry but can't agree with you choosing Georgia heat over having an intact family. I can understand refusing to want to live with mother in law but your expecting him to turn his back on his other kids. That's neither reasonable or fair. 

I'm curious, why did it take so many years for him to marry the mother of his kid?


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

jsmart said:


> I'm curious, why did it take so many years for him to marry the mother of his kid?


That was my question too. I think the answer to this is important.


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## WhyMe66 (Mar 25, 2016)

Aqua31401 said:


> I am torn. I met my now husband 13 years ago online. He lived in Michigan and I lived in Georgia. He eventually moved to Georgia and stayed for 8 months. Due to lack of opportunity in the city we lived and him feeling slight homesickness, we decided to relocate to Michigan together. I was also pregnant at the time with our daughter. My mom, who is retired, also came as well because she wanted to be near me and her future grandchild.
> 
> Fast forward to last year... All of this time I have lived in Michigan, my husband and I have been married for 2 years, and our daughter is now 9. My mom decided that she can no longer deal with the cold weather and had decided to relocate back home. I initially wanted to stay because I didn't want to jeopardize my marriage. I knew my husband wasn't ready to leave because he has children from his previous marriage that he is trying to rebuild his relationship with. However, we were staying with his mom trying to get on our feet due to our financial situation. His mom was being hateful towards my daughter (yes, her grandchild) and I couldn't take it anymore. We got into an argument and she asked my daughter and I to leave. My husband was furious. He stood up for me and our daughter because he knew his mom was wrong, but at that point I didn't want to be there any longer. I would have just found a place to stay in Michigan, but we were so buried in debt that it was not feasible. I decided to come back home and live with family until we could get on our feet. My husband did not want to follow immediately because he was not ready to leave his other kids behind (ages 13, 18, 19).
> 
> ...


I agree with the others; find a compromise. Somewhere that would be a relatively balanced point between where the both of you want to be. Marriage is about compromise and understanding, well the successful ones are...


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## DanielleBennett (Oct 9, 2015)

You two are going to need to compromise, point blank. This is no reason to dissolve a perfectly good marriage if location is the only problem. If he gets more homesick than you do and the fact that you actually like Michigan might mean that you need to pack up and go back to Michigan. If you can't stand the cold then don't go out as much and have him do more of the errands. If you have a job though then it would stink going out everyday. I am not a fan of the cold either! But my husband is military and well, I had to suck it up and go with him to all sorts of places because I love him and want to keep the family together. So now you need to decide if you love Georgia more than your husband. 

Also, it is unfair to ask him to move far away from his other kids. You cannot do that. If nothing works and you refuse to go to Michigan then see if your husband is willing to live halfway so you can visit both states in the same amount of time. But if he gets extremely homesick it sounds like his only solution is Michigan. Try talking with him.


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