# He left me



## Naynay89 (Sep 21, 2020)

So back in November my husband fell off the roof helping my dad. He landed hard and his foot hasn’t recovered since then. He was a detention officer for the past 18 years and recently decided to change to a maintenance job. Since then he’s declined. Never happy and fell into a depression. Mind you he’s 15 years older than me BUT we had always agreed that we would have children. Well recently he dropped the bomb on me that he no longer wants kids. I figured ok we’ll work through his depression and see what happens. Well these months have been rocky. I gave him space thinking it would help and it got worse. So when I asked him on Thursday what’s really going on he told me he’s having physiological issues. He barely opened up and said I’m done and left. Hasn’t come back. I text him once a day to make sure he’s fine but his responses are short. I don’t know what to do. I’ve given this mas everything he’s wanted and needed.


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## Dadto2 (Aug 11, 2020)

Unless there are issues you left out, he's most likely depressed and needs medical help. 

As for your marriage...do you own a home together? Who's paying the bills? He has abandoned you, but legally, he's still on the hook for any debts you share. He may just need time to clear his head. Again, you didn't give a lot of details. But you need to look out for yourself first. In your texts, have you asked him if he wants a divorce? If he said yes, I would talk to a lawyer.


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## Naynay89 (Sep 21, 2020)

No I also think it’s mental health issues. I’ve offered to go with him to get help but he’s so stubborn. I owe the house and pay it. He pays the utilities like the water, electricity, cable and car insurance. Everything is under my name. I bought the house a year before we got married. 
we really haven’t communicated.I just text him once a day to say like hope you’re doing better, I’m here when you’re ready to talk.Yesterday I told him I missed him and hope he’s doing better and his response was I’m ok. Just here. Hope you’re getting support from your family. But as for speaking about what we’re going to do he hasn’t said anything. I’m not trying to be too pushy and I’m trying to give him space.
Friday night I caught him passing by the house as I was getting home. He had the car lights off. When I noticed him he tried to act like he didn’t see me so idk what to think. 
I knew there was issues but as in him loving me I thought he still did. Every night I would come home he’d unlock the doors for me and have the shower running. So idk.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

The fact he drove by to see if you were there tells me that he still thinks about you and is interested but I agree something is wrong psychologically or physiologically or both....but unfortunately if decides to not keep you in the loop you can’t do anything about it. My guess is he is trying to suck it up....on his own.


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## Oldtimer (May 25, 2018)

That’s tough, from being a detention officer to going into maintenance is a hard blow. I say this because I know the stature that someone in his previous job had. I can only imagine that not only the physiological aspect has put him into a funk as you said his foot hasn’t recovered since the accident.
I agree with you on the depression and mental health issues. My previous job was similar and since retirement and poor health, my mental acuity has dwindled and I suffered from depression.
If he’s still having physiological issues after 11 months, I would wonder if he wasn’t injured more than you all think.
how long has he been away from you?
I can only wish you the best and hopefully you and he can come to a good conclusion.


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## Naynay89 (Sep 21, 2020)

Oldtimer said:


> That’s tough, from being a detention officer to going into maintenance is a hard blow. I say this because I know the stature that someone in his previous job had. I can only imagine that not only the physiological aspect has put him into a funk as you said his foot hasn’t recovered since the accident.
> I agree with you on the depression and mental health issues. My previous job was similar and since retirement and poor health, my mental acuity has dwindled and I suffered from depression.
> If he’s still having physiological issues after 11 months, I would wonder if he wasn’t injured more than you all think.
> how long has he been away from you?
> I can only wish you the best and hopefully you and he can come to a good conclusion.


Thank you. He’s been gone since this past Thursday. He’s obviously watching me on our house cameras because today I was cleaning in the backyard today and while I was at work he came by the house and started picking up things in the backyard so idk what’s really going through his head.


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## Naynay89 (Sep 21, 2020)

Lostinthought61 said:


> The fact he drove by to see if you were there tells me that he still thinks about you and is interested but I agree something is wrong psychologically or physiologically or both....but unfortunately if decides to not keep you in the loop you can’t do anything about it. My guess is he is trying to suck it up....on his own.


Yeah agree. He left me a note today saying he’s the issue so I’m hoping he can see that there’s ways for him to get help. I know I can’t push too hard.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

IT maybe be best to stop contacting him and see what happens. Say something like 'I am not going to contact you any more, but if you want to talk about what is wrong and about coming back, you know where I am'. I also think its a bit freaky that he can and does watch you all day on cameras despite having left. I would hate that.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

Naynay89 said:


> Yeah agree. He left me a note today saying he’s the issue so I’m hoping he can see that there’s ways for him to get help. I know I can’t push too hard.


i would like to share with you a quote from a book that seems to plague those we love the most but can help at times.

“that we can seldom help anybody. Either we don’t know what part to give or maybe we don’t like to give any part of ourselves. Then, more often than not, the part that is needed is not wanted. And even more often, we do not have the part that is needed.” 
"“We can love completely what we cannot completely understand.”


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## Naynay89 (Sep 21, 2020)

So now what do I do? He texted me to make sure I get home ok yes I get home and he cleared out all his drawers. What’s the point of him checking on me if he’s leaving me. He just abandon me. Wtf.


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## hubbyintrubby (Jul 5, 2019)

Stop answering him. If he wants to be done, MAKE him be done.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Count your blessings.

1. You want children and he doesn't. Now, you're free to find a man who does.
2. He's fifteen years older and already showing signs of mental/physical distress. Now, you're free to find a man closer to your own age.
3. He's moving out. You don't have to argue, negotiate and beg him to leave.

Check on your cameras. You don't want him having access.


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## Naynay89 (Sep 21, 2020)

hubbyintrubby said:


> Stop answering him. If he wants to be done,





Blondilocks said:


> Count your blessings.
> 
> 1. You want children and he doesn't. Now, you're free to find a man who does.
> 2. He's fifteen years older and already showing signs of mental/physical distress. Now, you're free to find a man closer to your own age.
> ...


t
You’re right. So it’s been a few days and we spoke. He said he’s tired of hurting me and making me feel unhappy. And I agree. Though it hurts me like hell to let go of the only man I’ve ever loved and would have done anything for, this is the best decision. If it didn’t end now it would end later and it would have been a lot uglier because we’d both be miserable. And honestly know that I’ve accepted his decision to be over I can see the relief in him. I know his mental health is suffering and he needs to get that taken care of. As much as it pains me to say it just didn’t work out. His capacity of love wasn’t enough to try a little harder. This was always going to be our struggle if we stayed together.


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