# Fiancee kicking me out



## shakazulu2420 (Sep 16, 2014)

We have been engaged together a yr. My family loves her. I have blood pressure issues and just started taking meds. This has affected that I can't have erections. Please dont laugh as this is bothering me a lot. This is mainly our biggest challenge.
I'm about to get my permit for my CDL and get a good paying job. Last one yr I've had trouble getting extra work in this shoddy economy but I do have a job in retail that doesn't pay anywhere close to what she's making. So she has shouldered most of the bills and she feels like she's carried me too long.

Actually when we met I had my own place and car etc.. TWO months after we met , my room mate burnt the house and so she asked me to move in. Then a month later my car died. 
So we have been using her car. She works from home. We also have a four month old baby. 

She knows I have a few weeks to complete the CDL. But she can't wait. She wants me out and then woo her again when I have all my stuff in order. She wants me to go to my sisters. My sister doesn't want that. I've basically no where to go. I have no means to get to work.

We have no sex life but I'm exercising now and taking meds and I feel.my erections are coming back. She mentioned how an ex who dumped her keeps sending her voicemails and she remembers the good times they had.in bed and spark they had in the relationship. But she says she isn't keen to have him back. She doesn't want him. She wants me to go so she doesn't see my face daily and remember the last year's dissapointments like me not having a car, not having a good job etc. She wants to see me in a different light. Like trying to woo her etc

I am down. I'm a man.but I feel scared and vulnerable. Please don't advice to stay cause she turns into a different being when angry. So please don't say stay.


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## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

duplicated post


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## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

Well, you can rest assured I will not say "stay".

Blood pressure medication can cause erectile dysfunction as a side-effect. Some of them are notoriously bad about it. Check with your doctor, for your own benefit and your own peace-of-mind.

I have no specific advice, just do the very best you can to become financially independent and leave as soon as you can. Her mentioning the "good times" with her ex with the current situation set is cruel, disparaging, and shows clearly that she has very little concern for your welfare.

Do what you can to get rid of her permanently. Develop a co-parenting relationship for your common child, and find yourself someone who has a modicum of compassion and tolerance to be your life-partner.

You may very well thank God you didn't marry her yet.


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## BluesPower (Mar 27, 2018)

shakazulu2420 said:


> We have been engaged together a yr. My family loves her. I have blood pressure issues and just started taking meds. This has affected that I can't have erections. Please dont laugh as this is bothering me a lot. This is mainly our biggest challenge.
> I'm about to get my permit for my CDL and get a good paying job. Last one yr I've had trouble getting extra work in this shoddy economy but I do have a job in retail that doesn't pay anywhere close to what she's making. So she has shouldered most of the bills and she feels like she's carried me too long.
> 
> Actually when we met I had my own place and car etc.. TWO months after we met , my room mate burnt the house and so she asked me to move in. Then a month later my car died.
> ...


Listen, are you in the us? Because if you are unemployment states are the lowest in almost the history of the country, ever. 

If you are not then maybe you are in a poor economy. 

But look, can you not go to the doctor and get a script? I mean come on, you can by that stuff over seas and it is the same stuff. 

There really is no excuse for letting that go these days. I have HB as well and it does not stop me at all... 

Listen I don't want to kick you when down, but your post reeks of excuses and does not sound like a CAN DO guy... 

Can you see that or not???


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

nobody here will make fun of you. we all have our own problems, believe me.

you sound like a young guy who's just getting started in this world as far as career, savings, et. is this true? what is your age?

as far as your fiance, I get it up to a point. you're not getting it together fast enough for her. you should be further into the rat race and making more coin than you are.
you've had bad luck. how much of that is your issue and how much is not is debatable without knowing more details.

but i will say a couple of things about your gal. there are red flags my friend. firstly; if you are really 'the one' and she truly was head over heels for you, she would be working with you 
more than just sayn 'get your chit together and come back later, and then maybe............'. and further more (and this is the biggie), she wouldn't be throwing her ex in your face.

this is a lack of class.

do you really want to spend the rest of your life with this.........not measuring up?


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

So you cannot help med side effects, and you are working to overcome them.

And while you have had some bad luck, you are taking concrete steps to bettr yourself and your options.

Plus, you are the father of the child she has.

I'm sorry, but if she is bailing weeks before you are good to go with a CDL _AND_ she has been talking to an ex....I think she is cheating.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

You were married, with children in 2015 when posting here previously. Do us a favor and give a quick wrap up of what went on there? Divorced?


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

@shakazulu2420 I looked at your post history which involved your ex wife. These financial hiccups seem to be a recurring theme in your previous relationship. What have you done since your divorce to get you out of the hole?


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## shakazulu2420 (Sep 16, 2014)

Someone asked about my previous marriage. We divorced. She was cheating.

Someone asked what I'm.doing to better myself. I'm in CDL school now. I had a good job and got laid off last year. I have a job now but it's not that high paying. But I'm no lazy bum. 

Someone said something about being in the US and meds etc. Yes I'm in the US. I said I'm now on meds. And my erections are improving.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

shakazulu2420 said:


> Someone asked about my previous marriage. We divorced. She was cheating.
> 
> Someone asked what I'm.doing to better myself. I'm in CDL school now. I had a good job and got laid off last year. I have a job now but it's not that high paying. But I'm no lazy bum.
> 
> Someone said something about being in the US and meds etc. Yes I'm in the US. I said I'm now on meds. And my erections are improving.


Don’t leave your house. She is waiting to move on to the other guy as soon as your back is turned. Then when you start your new job you’ll be paying children support as well as rent on a new place while your “fiancée” entertains her ex.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Perhaps it's best to put together a plan in your own mind, and live it, to get back to having your own place and live independently. 

It's likely a boon that you see this side of her now rather than after married. 

I certainly don't know all the nuances going in but it's always best to plan and live self sufficiently. 

That doesn't mean there aren't times we all need family, friends, or support group if you will, but it's always a good idea to play the what if game if you're too dependent upon others for day to day living. 

Perseverance is key here it sounds like. 

Hang in there.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

shakazulu2420 said:


> I've basically no where to go. I have no means to get to work.
> 
> Please don't advice to stay cause she turns into a different being when angry. So please don't say stay.


I don't know that there's anything I can suggest with regard to where you go. You are saying you have nowhere to go, but you don't want to stay with her.

That makes it impossible to suggest any solution.

It sounds like you are afraid of her. In this situation, I guess the only thing you can logically do is stay and just let her go nuts. Sorry.


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

Andy1001 said:


> Don’t leave your house. She is waiting to move on to the other guy as soon as your back is turned. Then when you start your new job you’ll be paying children support as well as rent on a new place while your “fiancée” entertains her ex.


I don't think he has a say on who his fiance entertains at the house. It's her house. She asked him to move in with her when his home burned down.


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## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

jorgegene said:


> do you really want to spend the rest of your life with this.........not measuring up?


Losing a job to layoff is something that happens. You are doing the right thing, getting your CDL, and looking for work. I was let go from my job of 6 years in Nov 2017. My poor health caused me to be too slow with my work. I had a stroke in Dec 2017 and spent the next year, pretty much, disabled and wheel-chair bound.

I looked for work after doc released me to go back, it took me 5 months to get an interview, and I landed the job, my start date is next week. It is a good job, and the current US economy is the best for jobs it's been in 50 years. I got a good job at 67 years old.

Don't give up. Educate yourself all that you can. Your fiancee is going to be far more of a hindrance than a help to you. Don't marry her, whatever you do.

Go see a lawyer about where you stand financially and with custody of your child. This kind of a person is not going to be a good mother to your child, either. See if you can become the custodial parent.

Others are correct, don't make any moves. Let her *****, cry, moan, say ugly and abusive (yes, that's right, abusive) things to you, whatever. Her opinions count for NOTHING. Only after you know the skinny from your lawyer, then move.


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## Decorum (Sep 7, 2012)

shakazulu2420 said:


> We have been engaged together a yr. My family loves her. I have blood pressure issues and just started taking meds. This has affected that I can't have erections. Please dont laugh as this is bothering me a lot. This is mainly our biggest challenge.
> I'm about to get my permit for my CDL and get a good paying job. Last one yr I've had trouble getting extra work in this shoddy economy but I do have a job in retail that doesn't pay anywhere close to what she's making. So she has shouldered most of the bills and she feels like she's carried me too long.
> 
> Actually when we met I had my own place and car etc.. TWO months after we met , my room mate burnt the house and so she asked me to move in. Then a month later my car died.
> ...



This is just my opinion haveing read on this site for some time.

She is giving you false hope to make it easier to get rid of you.

If this is like most of what I see, the day you move out she will be in bed with that ex, if she isn't already.

She may not want him back, but I can almost guarantee you she wants him in her bed.

Keep working on yourself, and make a new life for yourself without her. It is over.

Take control of yourself, and your life.


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## shakazulu2420 (Sep 16, 2014)

She says she's not interested in the ex. She only thought about him when he left a voicemail. 

I'm doing all I can to get this CDL. I don't see how me moving out. Getting my own place. Getting CDL and starting work will improve us. 

She views the last yr with her being the main bread winner as a killer for our relationship. I've gone on numerous interviews. Nothing came out of it. But I did get my present job last year in November. 

Two weeks ago was her sons birthday. I said I'd do the backyard pool. I went and got a vacuum. It drained half the water. 

She ended up calling her sister's ex husband to drain it all as he has the equipment. I then cleaned the pool. Patched holes in the lining. Filled it up. Took the pump for repair. Picked it up and set it up when it was fixed. 
That on her part was failure . Cause she had to get the ex bro in law to drain the rest of the pool cause the vaccum I got wasn't going fast enough. In her eyes I can't be relied on to start and finish a project. Despite the fact that I did 90%of the labor and running back and forth to pool shops getting chlorine, etc etc etc. 
Also I did all the grilling at the party.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

I'm sorry to say, from what I'm reading imho, there doesn't appear to be an "us", as you refer to "...will improve us". 

Objectively the described circumstances reflect she has fully checked out of the relationship and is planning her life without you, and with someone else even.

Partner, very much more likely future you will be way better off if you accept (now) the fact you two don't have a relationship anymore.

Pls wrap your head around the fact everything she's showing you is demonstrating she's split in her mind. There's no amount of work you can do that will magically make her apologize and fall back into your arms. 

Work in your independent future even if have to live with her in a sucky way, to have a roof over your head. 

Save yourself. For yourself. Even if she starts acting nice. Keep your distance mentally and physically. 

Plan on limited interaction by your choice, take decision making out of her hands regarding the relationship.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

shakazulu2420 said:


> She says she's not interested in the ex. She only thought about him when he left a voicemail.
> 
> I'm doing all I can to get this CDL. I don't see how me moving out. Getting my own place. Getting CDL and starting work will improve us.
> 
> ...


do you really want to spend the rest of your life with this.........not measuring up?

you are a young man, i'm assuming. there are good women out there better suited to you. start believing it.


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## TheDudeLebowski (Oct 10, 2017)

Move on. I don't know what else was said here, don't have to look and I don't care. What you described is a rough stretch, a mixture of bad luck, and probably a few mistakes on your part. Communication being one of them. With that said, this is called life. When life happens, she wants to run instead of stand up and fight for your relationship. Not saying she's bad, not saying you're bad, just saying what you two have isn't worth the fight to her. That's not going to change with a piece of paper from the state. Life will continue to happen. Better to find this out now, instead of life hitting you 5 years later, which it certainly will, and you're required to go through the courts to undo that piece of paper from the state.


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## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

The 4-month-old kid thing. Is this her only kid? How did the kid come about? I don't mean the actual mechanics; kinda know how that works. But it's an indication of someone being a wee bit irresponsible, assuming it wasn't planned. Does she regard the kid as hers our both of yours? It's also a bit disquieting that the kid is brought up almost as an afterthought. The kid began just over a year ago; how long before that did you meet? Is the kid the primary reason you're together? Sorry for the intrusiveness of the questions, but kids are a rather big deal in a relationship.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

If respect has bled out, which it has ... you're done.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

She is already finished. Your chasing a ghost.


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## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

shakazulu2420 said:


> In her eyes I can't be relied on to start and finish a project. Despite the fact that I did 90%of the labor and running back and forth to pool shops getting chlorine, etc etc etc.


It won't matter how much, how quickly, how responsive, or how well you do anything. No amount of work will ever be enough. No effort will ever be sufficient. She will never give you any credit. She has bagged and tagged you already. You failed to live up to her expectations once, and you won't be given any other chance.

Your fiancee is singing a solmized song. The melody of her song consists only of the third scale degree. Her tune is not going to change. She likes the one she has far too much.

May God reward her according to her works.

Don't ruin any more of your life than you have to in order to get on your feet.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

What is CDL?


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Blondilocks said:


> What is CDL?


Commercial Driver's Licence.


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## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

The holder of CDL can make good money. It's a good move for the OP to get this.


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## shakazulu2420 (Sep 16, 2014)

Sleeping in my baby daughter's room. She's hardly spoken. But she did order food yesterday and asked me what I wanted and had it delivered. 
A little small talk today here and there from her


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

shakazulu2420 said:


> She views the last yr with her being the main bread winner as a killer for our relationship. I've gone on numerous interviews. Nothing came out of it. But I did get my present job last year in November.
> 
> Two weeks ago was her sons birthday. I said I'd do the backyard pool. I went and got a vacuum. It drained half the water.
> 
> ...


She's right. Women have a deep psychological need - going back to caveman days - for a strong man who protects her. I get it. You've had a rough patch. But she still needs you to be her protector. 

I used to think my husband would do anything to protect our family. But the last 7 or 8 years, he's gone from job to job, screwing up, NOT stepping up and delivering pizzas or working at McDonalds or whatever it takes to pay our bills because he was 'too busy' building his business...and we're now $200K in debt. It's impossible for me to love him and respect him. I've moved from job to job, trying to earn more money to pay our bills, while he is 'too busy' in front of his computer (no way for me to verify anything) doing 'work' that doesn't pay our bills.

I know you think you have reasons. But I'm tasking you to take a good hard look at what you have done to provide your 50%.


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## shakazulu2420 (Sep 16, 2014)

I have sought different jobs in the last yr. Worked one where a gun was pulled on our route driver doing delivery and she asked me to quit for safety.
I was doing Uber and car got messed up.
I do 90% of the cooking.
I have had this retail job since Nov. 
Still looking for jobs. It's saturated like 10,000 people applying for three jobs. But I keep doing. 
I watch the baby as she works from.home when I'm not working and even when I'm working u still watch baby after I get home in the morning. 
I'm studying for my CDL.

It's not like I'm sitting doing nothing. It may not be good enough as she wants to see results. But it's not like I'm turning down jobs.


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## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

TJW said:


> It won't matter how much, how quickly, how responsive, or how well you do anything. No amount of work will ever be enough. No effort will ever be sufficient. She will never give you any credit. She has bagged and tagged you already. You failed to live up to her expectations once, and you won't be given any other chance...


 I'll add to this that the likely reason for the new hatred of you is that she is re-writing history so she won't feel bad about moving on to the next guy (if it's not already the ex). This coupled with the SAHD "syndrome" where she loses respect for you because she is the breadwinner. Her bringing up her ex is because he is on her mind and to validate that she has to make you the bad guy. That being said, even though it's not your house I don't believe she can just kick you out. Look into that. You should try to get your independence plan into overdrive though, because she is done, and it won't change no matter what she says about "time to think" or "a little break".


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

shakazulu2420, losing a job can have a big impact on your self confidence (and maybe your erections too) but living with and supporting a man who is not the pulling his weight fully (regardless of circumstances) puts a huge strain on the respect element for a relationship from a woman's perspective.

I suggest you leave your relationship aside and really start to improve yourself

1. get that qualification, do not talk about it, this is your main ticket to up and out of her hair. If you become a LDD you will be a away and give the relationship space.
2. The respect for you appears to be gone you may be able to win it back but do you want to be with someone who keeps holding you up to the spot light and will probably 'dump you' once you fail. we are all human. There has to be some give and take in a relationship, none of us are infallible. In short, she does not sound very supportive or maybe she is tired of your excuses, we are only hearing your side of the story.
3. Explain that moving out will only increase costs, she will need a baby sitter, etc. You can contribute but live separately inhouse for now. Just focus on getting that CDL and job.
4. Do the 180, no engaging in relationship talk, keep everything official, (look up the 180). 
5. Go and talk to a counsellor about why you are having all these relationship issues, (ex wife now GF), something is not happening on your side of the road. YOu need to take a long hard look at yourself, your actions, behaviour, etc.
5. Once you are on your feet, you may feel differently about this relationship.


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## StarFires (Feb 27, 2018)

1. If you have mail or valid ID at her address, she cannot make you leave without ample legal notice. You could make her go through landlord/tenant court and I don't suppose you want to go that route, but it would buy you more time, like 2 or 3 months before you have to move out.

2. She might be sincere in wanting you to court her all over again. You've had quite a few problems so not only is she finding it hard to respect you, but she's also looking at her life being simpler without you. If you've caused her aggravation, money, etc., then she sees you as a liability, like another child. And no woman wants to feel like she's sleeping with a child. She needs to feel like she's with a man she can look up to (respect) and rely on, one that can provide and protect, but you have relied almost entirely on her. That would not have been terrible, except it's been an extended period of time, and it's been on a level of various different problematic circumstances. And it started out with the reverse of what is generally understood to be gender roles (damsel in distress) when she was the one who had to rescue you (dude in distress) since your house burned down. That, however, was all she called herself signing up for, but you kind of turned into baggage and a series of failed attempts (your story about the pool notwithstanding). The result of all this is that she lost confidence in you and became unable to regard you as someone she can look up to. 

I don't doubt that seems unfair to you. You probably feel like you would give the woman you love all the time, patience, and support she needs as long as she needs it, so you should be afforded the same. But like Tunera said, it's an innate thing. It's primal and it's built-in, so it's not on purpose but a subconscious matter of survival. A person can change their preferences, but they cannot change their needs that are written into the DNA. Those are the driving forces of life. 

I just wanted to explain in hopes that you're able to better understand how she feels based on the various events (stimuli) that have transpired during your relationship. Try to keep your chin up.

3. However, for all the reasons stated above, her asking you to leave and then woo her again could be her gentle way of getting you out of the house on an amicable basis. She might want you to earn back her love and respect, or she might be done and just wants to ends things as gently as she can. Some members are suggesting she wants to see the other guy, but I really don't think it matters. If she's done, she's done, and has a right to set her sights wherever she pleases. She's very much in need of everything that constitutes a man in her esteem because she's pretty much running on empty from regular and semi-frequent depletion for some time now with very little, if anything at all, to fortify her confidence. If this is the case, then I think she should just be honest with you but at the same, I can understand her not wanting to hurt your feelings any worse. Try to understand and continue on your determined path to becoming the independent man that a woman needs.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

shakazulu2420 said:


> I have sought different jobs in the last yr. Worked one where a gun was pulled on our route driver doing delivery and she asked me to quit for safety.
> I was doing Uber and car got messed up.
> I do 90% of the cooking.
> I have had this retail job since Nov.
> ...


I understand that YOU feel this way. But clearly she does not. I can't tell from your few posts if she is a selfish gold-digger who thinks you've lost your usefulness or if she is a decent person who has truly gotten tired of carrying your weight. Either way, this is on YOU to get yourself up on your feet and become self-sufficient. If she's the former, just wash your hands and move on. If she's the latter, get creative. I get half of my side jobs on the internet. I sell stuff online. I drive Uber. I work on people's landscaping through TAKL. If I had to, I also could be working at McDonald's. And I'm earning my real estate license online. MY point is, you may think you're doing all you can, but it frankly doesn't look like it from here. And if we see it that way, I guarantee she doesn't. And what SHE sees is your problem.


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## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

turnera said:


> MY point is, you may think you're doing all you can, but it frankly doesn't look like it from here.


I must respectfully disagree. It is meaningless to help your relationship, what I think, but it looks like, to me, you are doing pretty much all you can.

I suggest you stay on the current trajectory. Look for better jobs, and get that CDL.


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## shakazulu2420 (Sep 16, 2014)

We spoke. She understands the last yr has been rough on me but she acknowledges I've tried my best. Not easy to get jobs around here. 

But she still wants me out till I get the CDL..
She wants me to stay at my sister's. 

My sister said it's ok. But she has a family and it can't be for long.

I'm no bum by the way. I've lived on my own before this. First time living in a home where a woman pays the.majority if the bills. I won't knock myself down sorry like some would like. Sh** happens. 

So.im staying at my sister's for a few weeks. Then going to a shared house. Only shared houses we have found to my budget have women room mates. She doesn't like that. 
So my other option is a trucking company in Texas. They offer accomodation to.drivers and all. She doesn't want that. 
But I have to leave the house. So now tell me what I should be doing cause.im.doing all I can. I'm not going to be homeless. So I'm taking one of the two.options


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## shakazulu2420 (Sep 16, 2014)

And I understand people saying thay from her point they understand her dissapointment. 

There are not many jobs around here. I have moved and even sought jobs. 
How many people seek jobs for a yr and more? I already have a job. It just doesn't pay to her satisfaction. BUT IT SURE PAYS BILLS AROUND HERE. Bills that she would have to pay alone if i didn't have it. 

Not like I'm laying around on the couch. I get up daily to Hussle. Daily. 

Now that she finds out I can't stay at my sister's for a month, and that my option is shared housing with the probability in this town of it being with females or a job in Texas that's like 3 days drive from here, she is upset. 
So what do I do? Sleep on the streets near home to be near home till I get the CDL and get a job that's paying?

I'm sorry you can't have your cake and eat it. If she wants me out then there will be sacrificed i make and she makes


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## aquarius1 (May 10, 2019)

shakazulu2420 said:


> And I understand people saying thay from her point they understand her dissapointment.
> 
> There are not many jobs around here. I have moved and even sought jobs.
> How many people seek jobs for a yr and more? I already have a job. It just doesn't pay to her satisfaction. BUT IT SURE PAYS BILLS AROUND HERE. Bills that she would have to pay alone if i didn't have it.
> ...


Now you’re talking. You make decisions that are best for you. I understand her concerns but she can’t kick you out AND tie your hands. There may also be other options you haven’t found yet. Student housing? Do what you have to do to get that CDL in a timely manner.


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## shakazulu2420 (Sep 16, 2014)

I understand her position.

At the same time, it's not like she doesn't see my effort and it's not like I haven't had a job. I have not been laying on a couch, playing vid games. 

I work
I do 90%of the cooking.
I clean.
I help with our baby
I have yard mowed. Etc.
I pick up her kids from after school.


It's not like I've been sleeping doing zero. Wrong perception. 
It's just been rough getting a good paying job. 

Yes CDL school in Texas is that option or shared housing here around home and we looked and 90%of thr ones I can afford have a female.room.mate who doesn't mind a make roomie. 

The two with a make room mate are very pricey and far away .

So like I said, I'm not becoming homeless. It's either Texas or shack up with a female room mate. 

She's now saying she's not happy me doing either etc. Well you want me out. So inconvenience for me sane for you. It wasn't just gonna be hard for me. 

When I'm in Texas , three days away and hardly ever coming home but a few times a year then...
Or when living with a female roomie and you have to wonder.....then....

I refuse anymore to go.under her whims. I'm making a decision for me


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## shakazulu2420 (Sep 16, 2014)

When I'm gone she will have to pick up kids from after school activities that end at between 8 to 9pm.

She will have to do all the cooking now.
She will have to clean the pool.
Coordinate lawn mowing.
Care for baby 100%.


Since In her opinion I want doing much.

She's mentioned she doesn't know how she will handle baby, cooking, picking kids up etc etc when I'm gone.


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## WorkingWife (May 15, 2015)

turnera said:


> ...NOT stepping up and delivering pizzas or working at McDonalds or whatever it takes to pay our bills because he was 'too busy' building his business...and we're now $200K in debt. It's impossible for me to love him and respect him. I've moved from job to job, trying to earn more money to pay our bills, while he is 'too busy' in front of his computer (no way for me to verify anything) doing 'work' that doesn't pay our bills.


Wait...what? You're married to my ex? Surely by now you've realized... Narcissists do NOT deliver pizzas or work for McDonalds.




turnera said:


> I know you think you have reasons. But I'm tasking you to take a good hard look at what you have done to provide your 50%.


To the OP - @turnera is right, IMO. You sound like a nice guy down on your luck, but you also sound like you have a lot of excuses. If you are in the USA, this is NOT a tough economy right now. People need an equal teammate, and women in particular are wired to want a PROTECTOR. Someone they can count on. Especially women with babies.

I think by wanting you to move out and establish yourself first she is just trying to not be a fool and marry a man who can't/won't take care of her and your baby. She may be already gone, as others have said. But regardless you do need to man up and finish getting your CDL and put it to use and start bringing in as steady paycheck.

Whether it ultimately results in the two of you being together or you each finding someone else, it needs to happen for you and your life. You are saying you don't see what the point is, but the point is she needs to know she's marrying a man who will do whatever he can to take care of her and your children.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

shakazulu2420 said:


> When I'm gone she will have to pick up kids from after school activities that end at between 8 to 9pm.
> 
> She will have to do all the cooking now.
> She will have to clean the pool.
> ...


Now THIS is the position you need to be speaking of. No, your job situation isn't ideal. But she has been taking everything else you do for granted, and you need to drive that point home, if you're to ever have a real relationship. I was about to advise you to read No More Mr Nice Guy, but if you're able to speak to this point and make it clear you think she's being unfair, well, that's the strength you need to be showing. 

I missed somehow that she has other kids you are caretaker for. If that's true, you should run up a spreadsheet of all the work you are doing and how much she would be paying somebody to make her life easier. Including childcare and delivering kids to and from school, which isn't cheap!


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## shakazulu2420 (Sep 16, 2014)

Turnera that's what I'm saying. People saying I'm making excuses. 

When I'm.applying for jobs all over the place. I already have one. And by seeking CDL I'm.seeking ONE good paying job. Not several min wage ones.
You can only put applications and follow through. Getting the job is upto hiring managers. How many people are looking for jobs and can't find them? Not talking about people who don't do crap. 
I work nights and when I get off I go home and tend to our baby as she works from home. So it's not like I'm not contributing.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Does she understand that if you move out that your paycheck goes with you? Because you can't afford to support two households. If she thinks times are tough now, just wait 'til she's paying all of the bills and doing all of the work.

Are you sure that she isn't looking to try the ex on for size and that's why she wants you out?

Are you sure you want to hitch your wagon to this woman for the long-term?


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Apparently she's taken a good hard look at the future and didn't like what she saw. Which is her right.

You're done here. It's best to accept it and move on like she has.


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## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

Blondilocks said:


> Does she understand that if you move out that your paycheck goes with you? Because you can't afford to support two households. If she thinks times are tough now, just wait 'til she's paying all of the bills and doing all of the work.
> 
> *Are you sure that she isn't looking to try the ex on for size and that's why she wants you out?*
> 
> Are you sure you want to hitch your wagon to this woman for the long-term?


 I'd bet large sums of money that the bolded above is exactly what's happening. When you move out she'll be having him (or someone else) over often. You will likely decide to split after hellish suffering and as soon as you get away from her and your head in a good place her new relationship will implode and she'll start calling you again and want to get back together. If you go back, the process will repeat. Seen it happen SO many times.


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## shakazulu2420 (Sep 16, 2014)

Update. She's just kicked me out


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## shakazulu2420 (Sep 16, 2014)

Y'all think that's what I hapenning?


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## shakazulu2420 (Sep 16, 2014)

She mentioned like we had agreed, trying for a last baby in October.

Said I'll get a job in trucking n Texas jobs looks great. She doesn't like the idea of me gone so far.

She doesn't like the idea of me leaving my sister's house and getting my own plavs


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

shakazulu2420 said:


> She mentioned like we had agreed, trying for a last baby in October.
> 
> Said I'll get a job in trucking n Texas jobs looks great. She doesn't like the idea of me gone so far.
> 
> She doesn't like the idea of me leaving my sister's house and getting my own plavs


It's not her call. Go for the job and move on. Like she has.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

shakazulu2420 said:


> Update. She's just kicked me out


No surprise here. You knew this was coming.


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## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

Is there any way you can find out/track who comes and goes from her/your house? Like a neighbor, you can trust?


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

shakazulu2420 said:


> She mentioned like we had agreed, trying for a last baby in October.
> 
> Said I'll get a job in trucking n Texas jobs looks great. She doesn't like the idea of me gone so far.
> 
> She doesn't like the idea of me leaving my sister's house and getting my own plavs


Are you saying you are going to have another baby with this woman? How many kids do you have with your ex?


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## Decorum (Sep 7, 2012)

Blondilocks said:


> Are you saying you are going to have another baby with this woman? How many kids do you have with your ex?


I'm afraid to even offer advice here.


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## Hopeful Cynic (Apr 27, 2014)

shakazulu2420 said:


> Update. She's just kicked me out


Give up on her. She's given up on you already. She was just manufacturing ways to get you out of her house gently and keep you as a plan B in case whatever she intends doesn't work out.

Nobody in a stable, loving and respectful relationship does this to their partner.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

shakazulu2420 said:


> She mentioned like we had agreed, trying for a last baby in October.
> 
> Said I'll get a job in trucking n Texas jobs looks great. She doesn't like the idea of me gone so far.
> 
> She doesn't like the idea of me leaving my sister's house and getting my own plavs


For goodness sake, you are letting this woman run circles around you, no wonder she does not respect you. Be a man and do what YOU need to do, regardless of whether she likes it or not. If she has kicked you out the she has no rights to dictate anything and you letting her is your problem not hers. Now take back your balls and do what you need to do which is best for you to get back on your feet, get a job, earn money for your little one and be the man you should be.


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## stefanjames (Jul 15, 2019)

Are you saying you are going to have another baby with this woman? How many kids do you have with your ex?


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

stefanjames said:


> Are you saying you are going to have another baby with this woman? How many kids do you have with your ex?


*Moderator Message:-*

@stefanjames Why are you repeating (not quoting, but repeating) other member's posts?


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## stefanjames (Jul 15, 2019)

MattMatt said:


> *Moderator Message:-*
> 
> @stefanjames Why are you repeating (not quoting, but repeating) other member's posts?


I would like to make an apologize for what I did,I am new to a forum and I didnt intention to break the rules in this field. Sorry to what I have done sir.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Why in hell are you agreeing to leave your home?? DO NOT LEAVE! She can kiss off.


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