# Awful Day :(



## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

This morning when I got off of work, I went home, and usually I go straight to bed... however today I just needed some winding down.

Hubby was in bed asleep, and when he awoke he said he was having some tooth/jaw pain. I suggest he go to a medical center of some sort (dentist/doctor) for relief, etc. To which he refused.

So, I'm laying in bed, and he normally leaves to run errands or whatnot while I rest, but he stayed in bed. Writhing. I know he was suffering. Then... he asked me for a Tramadol. For those who aren't aware, my husband is a recovering addict. It became so horrible last year that he gave me the rest of his pills, (and I mean that... I did not ask him for the pills, nor take them). He asked me to keep them from him, but not to destroy or dispose of them. I had the nasty things and every single day I want to flush them down the toilet, but I don't. I keep my word.

While Tramadol is sometimes perscribed as a moderate pain medication, it is fairly ineffective. Since it is an SSRI it is more often perscribed (as I understand it) as an antidepressant. All I know is that for years my husband wrecked his body with this stuff... Buying it online from some Pill Place. I wish they could held accountable for handing out this addictive substance to anyone with a credit card. 

Anyhow, getting off topic. My husband occassionally asks for a pill... to which I tell him NO, and usually he shrugs it off.

Today he asked and I again refused... has been very distant and despondant. Literally refusing to talk to me unless making some sort of back-handed comment, put-down, etc. He is understandably grumpy due to the tooth pain, but I reiterate - he refused to seek professional treatment. 

He's tried to make me feel guilty for not giving in... Made threats to purchase more pills without my knowledge, etc. Again, we have trust issues and this isn't helping. My husband is the sweetest man alive... but some days... it feels like he's complete stranger... 

Days like these are so incredibly difficult... I don't know if they'll ever go away... but being as I am pregnant (we find out how many weeks tomorrow morning, right after my shift!) and currently undergoing a 24/hour a day hormonal vomit-fest AND I learned this afternoon that a good friend of mine lost his battle with cancer, I am beside myself and distraught.

My husband has expressed an interest in marital therapy, however his passive-aggressive tendancies usually leave him not taking any initiation. I could do it myself... but then he may just take a "it wasn't my idea, she-made-me-do-it" stance). Regardless, I am thinking of entering counseling alone... for me.

You would think he could put aside his negativity and be there for me. Like a friend should. Like a husband should. His silence has been unrelenting. My anxiety and paranoia of "what's going on" has been turning me inside out. I just don't know how to cope with this... No question in particular... but some words of wisdom/advice would be appreciated.


----------



## Disposition (Aug 2, 2011)

i feel for you. it sounds like you're stuck between some very heavy emotional rocks. if you're feeling this saddened by everything, then i think going to see someone would be beneficial. maybe if you go and he sees that it's working for you, he'd be more inclined to go. i know it's hard to trust the addict after so much deceit. best of luck to you, i'm here to bend an ear!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## CLucas976 (Jun 27, 2010)

Honestly, I would lose the pills. Unless he somehow see them in your possession..get rid of them. There's no need to keep them around especially when he has an addiction and knows you have them.

Try to remember on days like this too, that addictions never go away, it is always there, and to hate his addiction, but remember the person burried underneath that nasty sarcastic exterior.


----------

