# Please help me..my wife is moving out



## toshibamouse60 (Feb 14, 2010)

Hi, I need urgent help. This is my story...

I am married for 7 years and been together for 13 years. My wife is 31 and I am 49. We have no kids. Our relationship has its fair share of ups and downs. We do have differences in almost every aspect but somehow we managed to ride it through. I love her with all my heart and still do. We went for a cruise vacation last December. We talked about having kids this year and raising our kids. About 2 weeks after our vacation, my wife started behaving strangely after reconnecting back with her girlfriend. She refused to talk to me and treated me as if I am a ghost at home. Just last week, she told me that we are not compatible from every angle and that she is moving out of our house. She got a rented apt and will be moving out in the next couple of days. My world is totally turned upside down and my dreams are shattered. I just do not know how to communicate with her of her intentions. All I know is that she is moving and I am not sure if the next step is she will file for divorce. I have been very faithful to her and I know she is not seeing other guys. She has been very unhappy for not having close friends and a stable job. What should I do? Will this separation be a good thing for both of us; giving us time to think about what will be really good for us in the longer term and our mutual happiness? Will there be a chance she will move home and we can be together as a happy couple? I care so much for her and my world revolves around her for so many years. Not I am lost; so lost that I am feeling so depressed. To add salt to my wound, my company is requesting me for a promotion interview in another state. I just do not know what to do. Will moving out to another state be a good healing path for me? I hope to have sound sound advice.


Thanks so much.


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## Notaclue (Jan 1, 2010)

Welcome to the site Toshiba there are a lot of folks here who can give you some good advice. Suggest you see if she will go to counseling with you. If not at least get counseling for yourself. In my case it was too late or to put it another way, my W wouldn't do counseling with me. She is now gone and has started divorce proceedings for reasons still unknown to me. I found counseling helps me and gives me a sounding board and someone who listens and doesn't make judgements.


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## whattodo17 (Jan 12, 2010)

I am so sorry you are going thru this! I really don't have a lot of advice to give but I made the mistake of quitting college after I got accepted into the nursing program which there was a 2 yr waiting list for, for my ex...and then he cheated on me with this young girl who cleaned his dads house! I still smack myself over it.

You have to do what feels right for you but don't sit by and let YOUR life pass you by! Easier said than done, I am struggling right now with my H and it kills me day in and day out that he doesn't want me.

I wish you the best of luck!


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## Feelingalone (Apr 22, 2009)

Toshiba,

I totally understand how you feel. You need to work on yourself. You said you have focused on her for so long -- now it is time to work on you. Don't ask or talk about the "relationship" right now. Get a copy of "Tough Love" the book. You can't overlook the opportunity for the promotion --- because you need to do it for you.

Look in the mirror, search your soul, work on you. At this point that is all you can do. For her -- act like you don't care and that you will be happy with out her to start. But you need to realize that you will be happy with her no matter what. This is important.

You haven't said what is wrong with the relationship so this is general advice --- but some of what you've written suggests some things to me. Tell us what she has said to you about it.

Good luck. There is always hope. And more importantly if you are a "man" you can decide what you want for you.

Peace.


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## toshibamouse60 (Feb 14, 2010)

Thanks for all your responses. It is so hard for me now. She just said that I am a fool not to realise the hint that she is moving out and that means she will divorce me! Her reason is that we are not compatible, in almost all areas. To said that to me after so many years...when she now has the money and needs freedom. SHe said it is better to be friends. that we are not suited as husband n wife. I have supported her all these years, both financially n emotionally. She does not have a full time job as a musician while I have a pretty good job with lots going for me at my company. The last time we went counselling, she decided to stop as she felt the counsellor was siding me after hearing both sides of our story. I will have to seek some counselling and I am in such pain and depressed. I almost lost control of the car when she broke the news to me just now and then she screamed at me that I am tryign to kill her and that she cant wait to move out. I know that is the end of the road on our relationship now. It is a stark reality. I never know till now loving a woman can be so painful; especially when i have so much hopes and dreams and have supported her and made her the center of my world. now it is crashing and i have no body to turn to. but i have to go on...just dont know how and where i can get my strength and poise back again. it hurts so much inside. thanks for allowing me to pen my pain down here. now i wish i can just die and and leave all my pain behind me.


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## tony (Feb 12, 2010)

don't lose hope toshibamouse60...i can see that there's still hope in your marriage..are you the type of husband that are clingy and affectionate? if you do, try to do some changes..


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## Jemal Jelil (Dec 3, 2008)

Dear Toshiba,

You're breaking my heart, bro. I see this so often with husbands, and I still hate seeing it--your wife loses interest in you, and it's killing you to watch her slip away.

Let me give you some quick advice, since I've helped guys in your situation before. I'll tell you the steps that work for them and will work for you, too...

Step #1: Take Charge!

(I teach this to husbands in Wife Magnet Secret #1.)

What does that mean? It means that how your wife responds to you is in *your* control. You'd be amazed how big a role we as men can have in determining our wives' responses to us.

Consider that your wife wanting to separate is merely a *reaction* to how you are, as a man. That can be painful to hear, and it may sound like horrible news, but it’s actually good news...Why? Because not only does it mean that it’s your “fault” if your wife responds negatively to you, but it’s also your “fault” if she responds positively to you.

So become that man that your wife can’t help but respond positively to. How do you do that? Well...

Step #2: Master “Feminese!”

(I teach this to husbands in Wife Magnet Secret #2.)

Women are primarily emotional creatures. Her choosing to leave you is primarily an emotional decision. That doesn’t mean it doesn’t make sense. It just makes sense in the context of emotion, in the language of “Feminese,” as I call it.

Your wife is leaving you because you failed to make her *feel* a certain way. If you make her *feel* differently, she’ll make a different decision. She even hinted that to you when she told you that you’re probably better off as friends. That’s Feminese for, “You just don’t inspire in me the feelings that I need from a husband.”

You talk about *thinking* “about what will be really good for us in the longer term and our mutual happiness.” Bro, that’s not Feminese. That’s what I call “Masculish.” You’re thinking in terms of thinking; you need to think in terms of *feeling*. Sound crazy? It’s not.

I guarantee you that the women on this forum get what I’m talking about; I bet my words would resonate with your wife if she read them.

Okay, so now that we’ve got you focused on emotions, what emotion should you be creating in your wife if you’re to have any hope of getting her back?

Magnetic attraction. Your wife is dying to feel that flutter in her heart when she sees you or even thinks you. She *needs* you to be able to give her goosebumps, even after years of marriage.

Step #3: Become Magnetic!

(I teach this to husbands in Wife Magnet Secrets #3-7.)

You may find it painful that she’s moving out, but it may actually help your relationship.

You see, Magnetism is created by striking that perfect balance between Distance and Closeness. Think of how a magnet almost trembles in longing when you hold it just the right distance from a spoon or other piece of metal.

Many of us husbands don’t know how to balance emotional closeness and emotional space to allow that magnetic attraction. So we end up repelling our wives...until she tries to create that emotional space herself, by separating, for example.

Of course, if you don’t take advantage of that emotional space that’s created by her moving out and become irresistible to her, then she’ll simply slip away forever.

All she really wants is to be dazzled, charmed, and magnetized by you. So magnetize her!

I hope that helps put things in perspective for you, bro.

Keep Your Wife Magnetized!

Jemal Jelil.
WifeMagnet.com
JustHusbands.com


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## Feelingalone (Apr 22, 2009)

Jemal,

How about giving an example to Toshiba of how to create that balance in a real life situation.


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## boarderwayne (Feb 14, 2010)

toshibamouse60 said:


> I never know till now loving a woman can be so painful; especially when i have so much hopes and dreams and have supported her and made her the center of my world. now it is crashing and i have no body to turn to.


I know exactly how you feel, worst feeling In the world. I don't really have much advise to give as I'm in a somewhat similar situation myself. I'll I can say is hang in there and keep posting/reading on here. It's sure helping me right now.

Best of luck to you


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## Jemal Jelil (Dec 3, 2008)

Okay, example for Step #1 (Taking Charge):

She's moving out, so you need to take charge, to take responsibility for your marriage and her reactions by asking yourself the following question:

"What did *I* do to cause her to react that way?"

Stop all blaming, stop all complaining, and stop replaying in your head all the times you think she wronged you. Shed your attachment to those things. (I teach a process called "The FACT(TM)" to help let those things go.)

I'm not saying you're doing those things...but if we're honest, we'll admit that we all do. All us men have what I call an ISB: Inner Sucky-Baby .

Learn to shed your inner sucky-baby. A man that has shed his inner sucky-baby becomes 100x more magnetic and compelling to his woman.


Example for Step #2 (Feminese):

Her emotional needs can usually return back to her need for SECS(TM): Safety, Excitement, Connection, or Significance.

So ask yourself,

"What emotional pleas has she made to me?

Is she not opening up to me? Maybe I'm not meeting her need for safety.

Has she complained about boredom or acted bored in my presence? Maybe I'm not meeting her need for connection.

Has she complained that I neglect her? Maybe I'm not meeting her need for significance."

Toshiba, make sure you pay attention to her Feminese(TM) cues. What emotions are driving her behaviour?

It starts with paying attention to the cues, asking the right questions, and interpreting her Feminese. Only then will you find the right answers.

Here in the forum, we only have part of the picture. And that part of the picture is through your filter. But if you're overlooking her key emotional signals, then so will we.


Example for Step #3 (Becoming Magnetic):

The biggest secret to Magnetism and to winning your wife's heart is balancing between Distance & Closeness.

You create Distance by focusing on your individuality, your purpose in life, your passions, by getting good control over your own life, by building your Respectability as a man...by engaging in what I call Masculine Development(TM).

Focus on your own life until your own life brings you so much joy and is filled with so much passion that you can then bring that joy and passion into your wife's life.

Take a personal development course. Create your own Growth Atlas(TM) to help you get crystal-clear on who *you* are as a man what direction your life needs to go (this is something I introduce in my Wife Magnet program--it takes some time to build).

Take up a martial art or a sport or a hobby that you're passionate about...especially if it's something physical and challenging.

That is for Distance. Notice that it has everything to do with you and nothing to do with your wife or your marriage. But it will *impact* your wife and your marriage dramatically. Many husbands overlook this.

Closeness, on the other hand, is entirely about your marriage and your relationship with your wife.

It entails that you build intimacy with her. Play with her. Enjoy her company. One of the biggest secrets to Intimacy is to *keep it light*.

Play hothands with her. Thumb wrestle with her. Tease her. Joke around. Play a boardgame with her, and make sure to cheat . Do things together that were fun back when we were kids.

Make sure to avoid the 4 connection killers: criticism, defensiveness, contempt, and stonewalling. Those things make relationships heavy and stressful.

Now, you'll have to read the signs of whether you need to focus more on your Masculine Development or on your Intimacy.

If your wife acted disrespectful or contemptful (rolling her eyes when you speak, putting you down, being sarcastic, not honouring you, etc.), then you probably need to focus on your Masculine Development.

If your wife acted lonely or sad (complaining that you don't focus on her enough, or using body language or words that indicate she feels heavy around you), for example, then you probably need to focus on your Intimacy with her.

I could go on, but I hope that gives you some examples and something to work with.

Keep Your Wife Magnetized!

Jemal.
WifeMagnet.com
JustHusbands.com


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