# How can I trust my wife



## kaushal1982 (Aug 12, 2012)

Hello, I am new to his forum and would like some advise. I caught my wife texting and chatting to a married man via her phone bill. When I confronted her she told me that it's a friend and he is going through a divorce and consoling each other. Me and my wife have had some marriage problems recently and we have not been intimate for quite sme time. I caught my wife with his man in my car and even though they were not doing anything I was in complete shock. To cut a long story short a week after this I managed to trace some texts and they were quite flirtatious. I then confronted her about this and told her we are over and she kept telling me that nothing has happened between them sexually and he is the one who has intiated this all ialong and she has just strayed. We are now trying to make this marriage work and everything between is great. Also there has been no contact with my wife and the married man that I know of. My question is that each time she goes to work i get very agitated and sickly feeling that is she still talking to this guy? Is this natural to feel like this? Also whenever I want to try and get close to her she just pushs me away... She says she need time.. Is this really the case with women after such an ordeal. She is still wearing contraceptive patches even though we haven't had sex in 2months. She says that this to control her period... Is this correct..? I am torn between trusting my wife telling me nothing has happened and the married man has taken full advantage of her vulnerability but at the same time what's with the 100's of texts, hourly calls daily and secret meetings in the past. I really don't know and could do with advise. Thanks


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

kaushal1982 said:


> Also whenever I want to try and get close to her she just pushs me away... She says she need time.. Is this really the case with women after such an ordeal. *She is still wearing contraceptive patches even though we haven't had sex in 2months. She says that this to control her period... Is this correct..? I am torn between trusting my wife telling me nothing has happened and the married man has taken full advantage of her vulnerability but at the same time what's with the 100's of texts, hourly calls daily and secret meetings in the past.* I really don't know and could do with advise. Thanks


Almost every single detail you listed is a red flag.
The one I highlighted is the largest.

Is she a marriage counsellor? What is she doing in YOUR car discussing this man's marital problems with HIM? Added to that she is not having sex with you!

Open your eyes man!

She is walking all over you because you are not firm with her.
As the others on this forum will tell you,
She is LYING.
Your eyes are wide shut,time to open then and do some sleuthing.

Most likely they have already had sex.


BTW, she is still in contact with the other man............


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## costa200 (Jun 27, 2012)

> I then confronted her about this and told her we are over and she kept telling me that nothing has happened between them sexually and he is the one who has intiated this all ialong and she has just strayed.


Poor innocent her... Yeah right!

And you already know what was going on:



> I caught my wife with his man in my car and even though they were not doing anything I was in complete shock.


they weren't doing nothing at that exact time buddy. Adult men and married women don't go into cars together to discuss the weather. I'm pretty sure you already know this. Even if the pain is keeping you in doubt.



> My question is that each time she goes to work i get very agitated and sickly feeling that is she still talking to this guy? Is this natural to feel like this?


I think most people here will tell you it is perfectly natural and expected. Even because you have doubts on the extent you have been made aware of. 



> Also whenever I want to try and get close to her she just pushs me away... She says she need time..


She needs time to figure out if she is better off jumping ship to the other fellow or if she has to settle for you. It's like being a spare tire, just in case. The regular behavior for truly remorseful WS is completely the opposite. That behavior just tells on her cake eating tendencies.



> She is still wearing contraceptive patches even though we haven't had sex in 2months. She says that this to control her period... Is this correct..?


Contraceptive patches, like other hormonal contraceptives, can be used to control menstrual cycles. But is this the case of your wife? I cannot say...



> I am torn between trusting my wife telling me nothing has happened and the married man has taken full advantage of her vulnerability but at the same time what's with the 100's of texts, hourly calls daily and secret meetings in the past.


She is doing what people call "trickle truth". Basically she is just giving enough info (the minimal white version of it that she can get away with) to make it believable. This is typical script stuff. He was the big baddie and she was totally innocent, they didn't have sex, they did almost nothing... During their secret meetings they were discussion the fine points of Nietzsche's Philosophie im tragischen Zeitalter der Griechen, while laying on their backs for better blood flux to the brain...

She is most likely lying through her teeth. And you can tell when a recently caught cheater is lying quite easily. It happens every time they open their mouths. 

Sorry you had to be here bro...


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## snap (Oct 3, 2011)

You titled your thread wrong, it should be "Why should I trust my wife?"

There is zero reason for trust so far from what you describe. Her present behavior suggests she took the affair underground.

Look for a burner phone. Install keylogger on your computer and invest in a voice-activated recorder.


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## ReturnOfTheKitty (Aug 11, 2012)

In my experience no man can take advantage of a woman unless she wants to be taken advantage of. Unless of course, it was rape which, quite clearly is not the case. We're not as innocent as we portray.

Please get yourself tested for STDs. Its not an easy position to be, being cheated on and I sympathize with the agony you must be feeling. 

And understand that begging for scraps of attention or sex will only reinforce her belief that you are not worthy of her, that she deserves more. is that the case with you my friend? Do you think you're lucky she's your wife?

And when you get agitated and get that gnarly sickly feeling in your stomach, thats a warning sign of danger. Don't ignore it.

Somebody post the link for the 180


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Get as much evidence as you can. What phone does she have?

She is most likely still in the affair. How are you checking up on her?

Expose her to her family. If the married man is a coworker, inform the HR. Find out his wife and tell her.


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## SomedayDig (Jul 17, 2012)

180


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

The reason they won't have sex with their husband is because she wants to be faithful to the other man.

You need to go into super sleuth mode and see what is really going on with her.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

She's still seeing him. That's why she needs time. She is the one who strayed, a remorseful person would be doing their very best to be trying to keep you from leaving. They would be throwing themself at your mercy asking fir forgiveness.

She pushes you away and demands time.

You caught them so they've taken it underground.

I suggest you find the OMs name and info from the number he was talking to her on and find his wife. You may find that he is very much not getting divorced.

How did they meet? At work? 

Right now you can't trust her because her affair is still active.

Do you have a voice activated recorder in her car? 

- can you pop into her work to visit and see if she is there?

- is she going in early/leaving late

- look for an affair phone in her car


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## Will_Kane (Feb 26, 2012)

Buy a voice-activated recorder and attach it to the bottom of the seat of her car with heavy-duty velcro. Check it daily. You should have your evidence of her cheating within one week.


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## Kallan Pavithran (Jan 17, 2012)

Its time for snooping, dont expect any truth from her, she will lie untill you have solid proof.

Get a VAR and keylogger.


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## AngryandUsed (Jun 23, 2011)

Another jb100?


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## wiigirl (Jun 14, 2012)

snap said:


> You titled your thread wrong, it should be "Why should I trust my wife?"
> 
> There is zero reason for trust so far from what you describe. Her present behavior suggests she took the affair underground.
> 
> Look for a burner phone. Install keylogger on your computer and invest in a voice-activated recorder.


:iagree:


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## WasDecimated (Mar 23, 2011)

kaushal1982,

This is Exactly what my STBXW did...exactly! This is only the tip of the iceberg. She is lying to you and she is still seeing him...whom ever he is...
guaranteed. 

I hope you listen to the advice you have been given here. We've all been in you shoes...and some of us still are.

You didn't say how long you were married, how old she is, or if you have children but in this situation it really doesn't matter. 

You need to verify her affair with a GPS tracker, keylogger software, Voice activated recorder...whatever it takes. Try to find out whom her OM is and if he's married or has a girl friend. This proof won't do you much good in court…no-fault states that is but it will help you make your decision. 

My next advice may seem a little harsh. 

I would retain a lawyer and start the process to file for divorce. It she wakes up down the road you can always withdraw you petition. Divorce papers has the ability to wake up some cheaters to the reality of what they are losing. 

I was in your shoes about 3 years ago. My wife said all the same things to me and had also become emotionally and physically cold. I made the mistake of believing her when she said she wasn't cheating and tried the soft, loving, I'll do anything approach. Guess what? She was lying the whole time and still seeing him. I wasted 1 1/2 years working on a false, one sided reconciliation. I should have shocked her with "D" papers I may have had a chance to keep us together. 

You should also think about your marriage, future, is this the kind of person I want to be married to? If she stops, will she start up again in the future? How would I know if it ever stopped? 

The choices you make right now are critical to saving your marriage...if you decide that is what you want. The actions that you take, that have the best chance of success, may also seem counter intuitive.

After thinking about questions like these I decided to file for divorce. I realized that I couldn't live like this for the rest of my life….always wondering, looking over my shoulder. I guess the fact that I gave my STBXW at least 3 chances (multiple "D" days) to commit to our marriage and she showed little remorse after I found all the proof of her affair helped make my decision easier.

Good luck my friend.


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## Unsure in Seattle (Sep 6, 2011)

As for "is it normal to feel this way?", of course it is.


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## mahike (Aug 16, 2011)

This is looking bad. Do you know who the other man is? can you talk with his wife? You need to expose this and get it all out in the open. I agree with another post is she is not having sex with you it is at the very least because of the OM. I would bet that they have had sex as well.

Start digging hard. Ask her for her phone and go through everything while she is sitting there. Photos. messages emails the works. Also put a keylogger on the computer right now and put a VAR in the car.

Is she acting remorseful? Looking for ways to make you feel secure? I bet not. Does she have her phone with her 24/7?

Things are going on and have gone on that you are not aware of. You need to find out


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

You say you're both working on the marriage? But haven't had sex in 2 months? Right.


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