# May try to rebuild? idk. Next step



## LAPG123 (Jan 13, 2016)

Backstory:
Me and my wife were high school sweethearts. I was always faithful. We had a great relationship. We were together while I went to college and she worked. We moved intogether shortly after I finished college and got married. I got my job and relocated to an area were family and friend were 3 hrs away. The first year in the new location was great.

About september of 2014 we went on a mini vacation together and some guy she works with posted pictures of flowers and a teddy bear on her facebook. I thought this was really weird. Forward on the the following February is saw her texting someone all the time and taking her phone with her everywhere. She even became nervous when I would ask to use it. I asked her once and she denied. The following night I asked her again and we had a big fight. She has not been home since. 

About 3 weeks after she left I found a picture on her facebook indicating the truth. I sent her a text telling her i knew now (she never replied) and exposed the affair to my and her family and friend. There was no contact with her after this date. I tried a couple of times to reach her and she would never respond. 

I found out where the OM lived and started doing "drive byes." She was there all the time and I came to the conclusion she was lving there. I later found out this man is a paraplegic. 

I gave up on her and moved on dated some but was still healing. I thought about her constantly. 

Around thanksgiving my BIL told me that my wife had contacted my sister and said she felt terrible for what she has done and that she made a huge mistake. I didn't think much of it and made no move to contact her at this point. 

A few weeks ago while on a dating website a had not used in awhile I saw she had been looking at my dating profile frequently for awhile. 

After dating some I came to realize I wanted her back and I really do still love this girl. Unless you are really slow you know that I am able to see who visits my profile so I saw this as a way for her to "let me know."

I posted some pics on the profile of us and our dogs. Just some good times we had together. She looked at the profile a few more times. 

I texted her at this point. 

She text back she is willing to talk but needs more time. 

We have been having text conversations every night now for the past week and she seems to know she made a mistake and seems to want to try again. 

I found out she has her own place now and is not living with OM. However, I drove by the OM's house on two different occasions and saw her car there. I also looked at the browsing history on her computer (I know, but dont ask how I can do this) and saw she googled "my ex wants to get back together how do I breakup with my current boyfriend." 

Sorry for the long post. There are SO MANY more details I could write a book. Just looking for advice on next step. I'm afraid to push her and driver her away. She said in one of the text that she thinks she will be able to talk to me "soon."


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

Why would you want to get back with her? You know she is a cheater, and I seriously doubt she will ever change. I predict if you get back with her, she will pull the same stunt in less than 5 years. She is hoping for plan B to work out, and you're plan B.


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

Lets see my man. You love her and are begging her to come back and she tells you she's willing to talk; all the while you find out she's still entertaining this guy while stalk.....errrr checking up on her. 
If she gives you another chance, maybe you can drop her off at his place while you go to work.
In the meantime, try to realize that whether a woman wants to be with you depends on how much she loves you; not how much you love her and when they leave its a good indication she done with you. (unless she temporarily needs a soft place to land) Stay on the dating site Dawg and try to find someone who wants to be with you. With her calling yourself "plan B" is grossly over estimating your position with her.


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

Fvck her. Time you moved on. Your wife is an asshat.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

I would never look back if I were you.

She is a moron and she did not make a mistake.

She made a disgusting choice.

Now she isn't happy with her stupidity and wants to keep playing you.

She is still banging this idiot.

Tell her to grow up, get therapy and stop dropping her panties for people she shouldn't and after she is healed and independent again to give you a call.

Tell her if your not attached, you might date her again but she is certainly right about one thing, she is not ready, worthy or even able to be in a relationship with you now.

She is stupid to still be screwing her AP and trying to land you at the same time.

Now she is cheating on him.

She is still a cheater.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

LAPG123 said:


> Backstory:
> Me and my wife were high school sweethearts. I was always faithful. We had a great relationship. We were together while I went to college and she worked. We moved intogether shortly after I finished college and got married. I got my job and relocated to an area were family and friend were 3 hrs away. The first year in the new location was great.
> 
> About september of 2014 we went on a mini vacation together and some guy she works with posted pictures of flowers and a teddy bear on her facebook. I thought this was really weird. Forward on the the following February is saw her texting someone all the time and taking her phone with her everywhere. She even became nervous when I would ask to use it. I asked her once and she denied. The following night I asked her again and we had a big fight. She has not been home since.
> ...


She is hedging her bets and your becoming plan B. 

She is still involved with the om at least in some way and not being truthful with you. I'd stop the communication with her, your getting played right now.


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## Keepin-my-head-up (Jan 11, 2013)

She wants you back because you moved on.
Why you would want to go back is beyond me but it is your life.

One thing I have to give respect for is the quadriplegic who has his game so tight that he could snag your wife.
Yeah, he is garbage for going after a married woman I know.
Got to admit tho, that he is a man who won't let his disability get in the way of what he wants...

Or she is just so not into you that she was willing to ditch you for anyone who showed her some attention.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

Did I read this right? She LEFT YOU in Feb/Mar 2015 and you are "afraid to push her and driver her away"? WTF?

She googled "my ex wants to get back together how do I breakup with my current boyfriend", not "I want to get back with my ex....". Do you see the difference? BTW, you have awesome tech skills. 

I am still curious how she found you on a dating site. Did she join/scan every site to look for you? 

If you take her back, the first time you and she have a fight she will go right back to current boyfriend. And it won't take 5 years for that to happen. 

You want advice? Finalize the divorce.


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## LAPG123 (Jan 13, 2016)

blueinbr said:


> I am still curious how she found you on a dating site. Did she join/scan every site to look for you?


Im not sure. She also has a match account. Both had no pics. The one shes been looking at me with only has a picture of our dog (that she took) in our back yard. She uploaded this after she knew I saw she was looking. I checked her messages and visitors. She has not sent any messages to anyone.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Not only did she fall for someone else, she ABANDONED you. Literally ghosted her own husband! Just disappeared... Who does that???

Certainly not someone with any measure of character.

I would steer clear of this one. Keep moving forward on your own.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LAPG123 (Jan 13, 2016)

happy as a clam said:


> Not only did she fall for someone else, she ABANDONED you. Literally ghosted her own husband! Just disappeared... Who does that???
> 
> Certainly not someone with any measure of character.
> 
> ...


yeah i get that. The only thing is...I was with her for almost 10 yrs. Being 27 years old, thats a long time. Never did I get an inclination that she was capable of this. Honestly this was our only "hickup" for lack a crappier word.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

LAPG123 said:


> yeah i get that. The only thing is...I was with her for almost 10 yrs. Being 27 years old, thats a long time. Never did I get an inclination that she was capable of this. Honestly this was our only "hickup" for lack a crappier word.


I get it. But her behavior is far beyond a "hiccup." More like the equivalent of "projectile vomiting."
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

So now she is texting her husband behind her boyfriends back....nice!

She is a branch grapper...she won't let go of one branch until she knows she has another branch to hold on too.

I'm guessing here but maybe you are not the only branch she looking to grap onto before she lets go of her current branch.

I'm guessing here but she might get tired of you ....again....and find yet a different branch to crap onto once she gets back with you.

I'm guessing she might not be over her current boyfriend and she could stay in contact after she gets back with you.

There is a lot of guessing here and the risk is high. I suggest you take the risk on a new one and let this old one go, but at the very least if you do stay with this one I strongly suggest you take it slow and keep your distance.

Letting her back in 100% until she can prove her self...well...that's just asking for it!

I mean even now you can't trust a word she says....hell you were better off when she went dark.....you didn't have to listen to all the lies.

You guys have been talking now for a while...how much has she said was actually true?


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## LAPG123 (Jan 13, 2016)

the guy said:


> So now she is texting her husband behind her boyfriends back....nice!
> 
> She is a branch grapper...she won't let go of one branch until she knows she has another branch to hold on too.
> 
> ...


The branch creeper thing. ....I agree with. Iv thought of this myself. 

How much is true? Our conversations have stayed on the shallows. So Im would believe all is true.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

I think if she told you in September that she had feeling for some one else and wanted out then i can giver some credit,,,but she deceived you all the way until February and then didn't have the balls to confront you.

It always amazes me when a wayward finds out their betrayed ex is dating and only then they want the betrayed back.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

all is true except the fact she is still seeing her OM (other man)!!!


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## LAPG123 (Jan 13, 2016)

the guy said:


> I think if she told you in September that she had feeling for some one else and wanted out then i can giver some credit,,,but she deceived you all the way until February and then didn't have the balls to confront you.
> 
> It always amazes me when a wayward finds out their betrayed ex is dating and only then they want the betrayed back.



Yeah. THe first picture on the profile was an old on and then I uploaded a new one. Between these pictures I have lost 103lbs and put on a but of muscle. Honestly I have never looked better. I;m actually a pretty hot piece come to find out from the attention I have been getting lately. :laugh:


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## LAPG123 (Jan 13, 2016)

the guy said:


> all is true except the fact she is still seeing her OM (other man)!!!




I never asked her either.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Sometimes marriages can be rebuilt after hitting rock bottom but I think in your case the playing field is far from level.
I do not know whether you were not fully committed to showing you loved her, etc but that is absolutely no excuse for what she has done and put you through. Let's see

1. she is communicating with another guy or could be more than one via her phone
2. gets angry with you when you confront - typical non remorseful cheater style
3. walks out and abandons you and the marriage when you press her - she is a selfish coward
4. You are now trying to let go and she reappears - typical selfish cheater who wants to keep you on the hook as plan B
5. When she has caught your attention (which she has) she then needs to think about it and needs time? What???? You should be the one telling her this, she is the one who screwed you over, she should be the one begging you to even speak to her. She thinks she has you where she wants you and the next time someone comes along that she thinks is better, she will do it again.

1. Tell her that unless she comes entirely clean about her her activities, timeline, men involved etc you willl not even speak to her
2. she must take a polygraph
3. She must have STD tests taken
4. Must be open with all passwords on all electronics and social media
5. She must have IC and then intensive marital therapy
6. She must keep you abreast of what she is doing and where she is and leave no room for you to be suspicious
7. She must answer all and any questions related to her A(s)

Finally, none of this is a guarantee to get back together, YOU will see how it goes after a time period of (say) one year.

If she balks at all of this and is not willing to do it then you know your answer, kick her to the kerb and get a divorce and find someone who is worthy of you.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Wake up! She's still in the affair isn't she? Been gone a year or so hasn't spoken to you and now you're going to drop everything and take a chance she MAY come back?

It's like a kid who puts a toy down and when someone else wants to play with it they want it back.

Why would you waste more life on this???? The 10 years you had are sunk. 

Read your story and pretend it's a friend. What advice would you give him?


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

LAPG123 said:


> I never asked her either.


You don't have to...you saw it with your own eyes!

I think you have a good thing going why take a step back wards?

I mean I'm all for recycling but I see now value in recycling a relationship that went down the way it did.

bad behavior continues with out consequences.

I think this get out of jail free card you are thinking of giving her will come back to bite you in the @ss.

After 10 years she pulled that crap.....don't you think you should stop driving by the OM's house and finally stop by and see his take on the current situation?


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Talking to the OM just might answer a lot of questions with regard to taking her back.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Something tells me there are a lot of lies and secrets in your wife's pool and you are thinking about jumping right back in...aren't you?


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Nope.


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## OldWolf57 (Mar 20, 2012)

Dude, she has been trolling your site.
She' moved out from guy 1 to date someone else, and keep the other guys happy too.
After all, he's in a chair.
But she is also trolling you.

You must not have much respect for yourself to have not even filed D papers yet.

STOP talk to this woman !!!

Get off the site and just go out with friends to meet people.

Love may be blind, but with no kids, you dodge one hell of a bullet.

Getting back with this woman, you will NEVER know if the kids are your's.
Do you want to raise other men kids ??


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## LAPG123 (Jan 13, 2016)

I dont have friends in this area. Its a very small town. I dont know anyone besides who I work with.


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## jigga114 (Mar 15, 2015)

Hi LAPG. The best advice I can give you is this. I am normally pro R, but in your case, run brother. Run as fast as your legs will carry you. You are still young enough to start fresh no harm no foul. If I understand correctly, she abandoned you and the marriage for close to a year and now she wants to weasel her way back in because fantasy land did not live up to expectations. You deserve better brother. Run for the hills and don't look back. Good luck.


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## Lostme (Nov 14, 2014)

I agree with everyone else run run run. Yes 10 years is a long time but you are still way young enough to find someone that will treat you a lot better. You have been without her this long and have done just fine, keep moving forward and don't look back.

She is just keeping you hanging, and it will only make you miserable. I bet the chair bound guy is not the only person she is sleeping around with, you know she is still seeing the guy so why would you want a scab like her back?


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

I know that she is all you have really known in terms of serious relationships, but what she has done is really, really bad. It's dysfunctional with a capital D & disrespectful & hurtful. She is an extreme case.

You are a young man in good shape. Give yourself a chance for a better life. Have you filed for divorce?


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## RWB (Feb 6, 2010)

C'mon TAM... seriously?


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## dash74 (Jan 3, 2015)

Heck hit it one more time, drive it like you stole it I am talking bang it into reverse on the hwy, neutral shift it, ghost ride it, and leave her on the lawn at her house 

then you just crip walk away to the getto boys feels good to be a gangsta


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## Augusto (Aug 14, 2013)

Google this......"my WIFE left me for another man. Did I take her back when she is unsure and needs time?" Uh.....no you end this and post pictures of a new GF.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

How does she do this? 

She stops cheating. Now.

This is clearly going to be very difficult for her.

Can she do it? 

Who knows? 

But it is unlikely.

I would suggest counselling. Though it is problematic if she can't stop seeing her OM.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LAPG123 (Jan 13, 2016)

alte Dame said:


> Have you filed for divorce?


I cant file till february.


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## LAPG123 (Jan 13, 2016)

dash74 said:


> Heck hit it one more time, drive it like you stole it I am talking bang it into reverse on the hwy, neutral shift it, ghost ride it, and leave her on the lawn at her house
> 
> then you just crip walk away to the getto boys feels good to be a gangsta


Love it


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

A walk-away-wife who is truly sorry and wants her marriage back does not have to think about it. 

Now after almost a year of no contact and abandonment, she is willing to talk but still needs more time? This is ridiculous! You are only 27.

If you truly love this woman and want her back, then file for divorce. After the divorce is final, THEN ask her for a date.

Do not cloud your mind by talking or communicating with her until after the divorce. I have a feeling she is up to something, I just don't know what it could be.

But, if you two are meant to be together, she and you will have no problem waiting until you both are free. The old marriage has been killed by her actions - bury it (divorce).

Then a new relationship may be possible.


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

RWB said:


> C'mon TAM... seriously?


I know, I know....


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## Be smart (Feb 22, 2015)

Sorry you are here my friend.

You are still young,only 27 years old and you can find another,better woman who will respect you and love you.

She does not deserve you. She have no idea what she wants from her life and she is acting like a 18 years old girl.

Dont even talk with her,let your lawyer do the job.

Also dont forget this : she cheated on you,left you and run away from you,never contacted you.
Now she is cheating on her current boyfriend,have profiles on dating sites while still being married to you.

I hope now you got the picture about this woman,your wife !


Stay strong my friend.


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## LAPG123 (Jan 13, 2016)

lol. I know. Hard too believe I never saw this crazy in her in 10 yrs.


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

LAPG123 said:


> lol. I know. Hard too believe I never saw this crazy in her in 10 yrs.


Love is blind.

But she has ripped your heart out and stomped it flat.

Now she THINKS she MIGHT want you to give her a chance to do the same thing again (if you will just give her some time to work things out with her current boyfriend).

Can you see the crazy now? 

Run and don't look back.

Plus you should be applying for jobs out of your little town.


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## Rugs (Apr 12, 2013)

Really? Not feelin' it but I'll play: 

She has a boyfriend she left you for....a paraplegic....

She's trolling dating websites......you can tell she's checking you out....

You can see her browser history......

You're buff now after losing weight......

Match made in heaven being HS sweethearts and all....sure, give it a whirl. What's not to love?


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## Sports Fan (Aug 21, 2014)

Run. The concerning thing is she carried on an affair behind your back, completely abandoned you without so much as an explanation or admitting to the affair and now you think she wants you back.

Sure she wants you back now that she has worked out that things aren't as rosy with the Paraplegic Smuck as when she had you there to provide, and do everything else for her.

I repeat again Run far far away without looking back.

You dodged a real bullet given that you have no kids tying you to her.


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## LAPG123 (Jan 13, 2016)

Well.. We ralked face to face for the first time in almost a year. She said she was done with the other guy and she wants what she had back. When she left we both agreed we wanted to try again. She called me two days later and said she doesn't feel like being controlled right now and needs some time. Wtf.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

LAPG123 said:


> Well.. We ralked face to face for the first time in almost a year. She said she was done with the other guy and she wants what she had back. When she left we both agreed we wanted to try again. She called me two days later and said she doesn't feel like being controlled right now and needs some time. Wtf.


JFC.

Just be done w/ her already.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jigga114 (Mar 15, 2015)

What did you expect OP? Seriously, someone who can abandon you for close to a year for another man, then contact you to say she wants to "try again" is not someone to be trusted. This is just a recipe for disaster. You have effectively laid down a marker which tells her she can treat you how she pleases, and you will always stick around as the fall back plan. Don't do that to yourself. The only way you should even consider getting back together (which imo you shouldn't) is if she is literally begging you for a chance, and she demonstrates she understands what she did to you. You have neither, so I will say it again, run partner and don't look back. Good luck.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

LAPG123 said:


> Well.. We ralked face to face for the first time in almost a year. She said she was done with the other guy and she wants what she had back. When she left we both agreed we wanted to try again. She called me two days later and said she doesn't feel like being controlled right now and needs some time. Wtf.


Geese, February is here soon. If you're smart you'll file and move on with your life.

Give her forever time.


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

Don't give her the time of day. File and don't look back. She thought that she wanted you back but seeing how quickly you would take her back made her remember why she left you in the 1st place. She has no respect for you. No man with self respect would quickly agree to R with a wife that dissed you this badly.


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## workindad (May 7, 2011)

LAPG123 said:


> I cant file till february.




OP- good news, it is almost February.

I like a good R story as much as anyone but your wife is not worthy of R.


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## workindad (May 7, 2011)

LAPG123 said:


> Well.. We ralked face to face for the first time in almost a year. She said she was done with the other guy and she wants what she had back. When she left we both agreed we wanted to try again. She called me two days later and said *she doesn't feel like being controlled right now and needs some time*. Wtf.


OP- as to your WTF; let me try to translate.

doesn't feel like being controlled right now = she has zero plans or interest in being faithful to you or transparent with you because she still wants to keep some side action going. She's enjoying the single life too much.

If you want a honest shot at R.

You have no choice but hardball. File for D. It is the only thing she will respect from you.


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## Better Days (Oct 27, 2013)

I've read this from the beginning and I know you have feelings but for what you have done and what she has done to you, I'd honestly tell her you are filing and moving on and that's it. She'll either crap and get off the pot or else she is still involved with the other person or persons'! Don't let her keep leading you on. You've put up with way too much.


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## LAPG123 (Jan 13, 2016)

Better Days said:


> I've read this from the beginning and I know you have feelings but for what you have done and what she has done to you, I'd honestly tell her you are filing and moving on and that's it. She'll either crap and get off the pot or else she is still involved with the other person or persons'! Don't let her keep leading you on. You've put up with way too much.


lol. Im not getting my hopes up. Talked to her tonight. I was more"a man" and she agreed to counseling.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

LAPG123 said:


> lol. Im not getting my hopes up. Talked to her tonight. I was more"a man" and she agreed to counseling.


Ugh. What a waste of time and money.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

LAPG123 said:


> I'm afraid to push her and driver her away.


There's your problem LAPG. 

Your wife totally humiliates, disrespects, betrays and abandons you - and *you* are afraid of driving *her* away. Then you make the mistake of contacting her - and she still displays little or no remorse. 

If you take her back you will live life in a false R and perpetual regret; until she either cheats on you again, divorces you, or both. What little respect she may have left for you will be diminished to nothing; by allowing yourself to be her doormat and and plan B backup.

You need individual counseling, not MC. Find out what has caused your lack of self respect and confidence. Find out why you are so co-dependent.

Finish out the divorce and stop communicating with her. You are young and have your whole life ahead of you; and you certainly deserve better.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Popcorn2015 (Sep 10, 2015)

LAPG123 said:


> When she left we both agreed we wanted to try again. She called me two days later and said she doesn't feel like being controlled right now and needs some time. Wtf.


She thinks she found something better.

Keep your hopes up and stay single; after the newest guy dumps her, you can take her back again! :banghead:

Oh, and you might want to get tested for STDs.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

LAPG123 said:


> Well.. We ralked face to face for the first time in almost a year. She said she was done with the other guy and she wants what she had back. When she left we both agreed we wanted to try again. She called me two days later and said she doesn't feel like being controlled right now and needs some time. Wtf.


Has she ever told you before that she thought you were controlling?


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## Voltaire2013 (Sep 22, 2013)

I'm sure only when he was asking her to not sleep with other people. :laugh:



EleGirl said:


> Has she ever told you before that she thought you were controlling?


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

LAPG123 said:


> alte Dame said:
> 
> 
> > Have you filed for divorce?
> ...


You at the finish line!!!!? Don't stop now! Finish the race.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

LAPG123 said:


> Well.. We ralked face to face for the first time in almost a year. She said she was done with the other guy and she wants what she had back. When she left we both agreed we wanted to try again. She called me two days later and said she doesn't feel like being controlled right now and needs some time. Wtf.


Hello! McFly!!!!

She is keeping you on the hook. She wants to continue to screw others. If you get back and she keeps on....you just reset the 1 year wait.


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## bryanp (Aug 25, 2011)

If you do not respect yourself then who will? Your wife surely doesn't,


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## OldWolf57 (Mar 20, 2012)

Dude, she knows Feb. is just around the corner.
So she had to see you to find out if she still has her hooks into you, to keep you from filing.

I mean a whole damn year and no face to face, but now that's it almost time to be able legally to file, she wants face time. She got it, found out you still her puppet, and later called to set you straight.

AND you, actually tell us you manned up !!!

My man, this woman likes sex right??
wheelchair guy has to have income, but not hit it right, so she moved out, OR he found out she was cheating on him too, and put her out.

What does she do ?? She moves out, but continue to sell it to him.

NOW, she has YOU and him on the hook. LMFAO

What you should be doing, is finding out who else is hitting it.


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## OldWolf57 (Mar 20, 2012)

NOOO, what you should be doing, is going to IC to find out why you don't have ANY respect for yourself.


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## Jeffery (Oct 8, 2012)

Humility. Cheating is about entitlement. Being truly sorry is about humility. That means the cheater doesn?t go first in anything for a loooong time. Their grievances about the marriage, for instance. Their ?healing.? (Grieving the affair partner? Give me a ****ing break.) Remorse is the cheater recognizing their place on the food chain ? which is grovel level for as long as the chump needs it. That means a chump?s grief is not met with dismissive anger. That means there are no false equivalencies. (Well, you suck too!) True remorse is a deep awareness that infidelity broke a sacred trust, and you are not owed reconciliation.

2. Initiative. Real remorse books its own shrink appointments. Real remorse does the homework. Real remorse does not need to be cajoled, wheedled, or dragged by its ear. Real remorse buys the books and reads the books. GINR waits for you to do it, and then finds a very good reason to be too busy.

3. Honesty. You can?t cheat on someone without lying to them. Real remorse spits out the truth. All of the truth, and it doesn?t editorialize and say things like ?she really needed me? or ?he was just a friend.? Real remorse answers the same questions over and over and over again and gives truthful, consistent answers. (None of which is ?I don?t know.?) If real remorse doesn?t know, real remorse does whatever it can to find out. Real remorse doesn?t balk at a polygraph. GINR thinks polygraphs are expensive and unreliable. Real remorse will do whatever it must to give you peace of mind even if real remorse thinks it?s pointless.

4. Patience. Real remorse understands that repairing a relationship after infidelity is a long haul with dubious prospects. GINR wants to you to ?get over it? already because hey, it said it was sorry.

5. Ownership. See Humility. Real remorse wears the shame. Real remorse takes responsibility for the fallout. Real remorse is okay if you tell people, because you need the support. GINR wants you to protect its image. GINR blame shifts and says ?we all brought issues to this marriage that led me to cheat.? GINR minimizes and obfuscates.

6. Recompense. Real remorse understands that reconciliation is a risky investment. GINR wants you to assume all that risk and how dare you ask for any assurances, because don?t you trust me? Real remorse puts its money where its mouth is with a post-nup with an infidelity clause. A completely useless document if the cheater never cheats again, which of course, only the cheater has control over. Real remorse pays your legal bill. Real remorse compensates you and your children for every dime spent on the affair(s). Real remorse recognizes that there are financial and time losses as real as the emotional ones. Time and heartbreak cannot be recompensed. Money can. Real remorse says, it?s the least I ca



if any of this list is missing just run


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## Jeffery (Oct 8, 2012)

No, trust can never be rebuilt. Once someone shows what they are actually capable of, there is no going back. There is no rebuilding, there is no trusting again. If you truly want to find a deep, intimate and trusting relationship, that line of cheating can never be crossed. I am a realist and know that the level of intimacy would never be fulfilled after the cheating occurred. I feel I deserve that love & commitment because I return 100% the same to my partner and it's beautiful.
I could never reach that level with some one who thinks its ok to violate me in that way. I feel cheating is the same as someone putting a gun to my head. It's deadly and life treating. I felt she had threatened my life by the chance of bringing home a disease that could kill. Don't be a fool to the manipulation of others. There are sick people out there that enjoy toying with others emotions and life. Cheating is a sign that you have one of these people in your life. Stand up for yourself if you feel abused or done wrong in anyway. Move on with your life, there are many wonderful people out there that will stay true. 

Just file dont be her fool


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Lapg
Congrats on losing 100+ pounds. That's phenomenal. 

Any idea at all - WHY - your wife left you? 

What's the timeline on your weight gain/weight loss? 

Meaning - did you slowly gain the 100 pounds after you two met and only start losing it after she bailed? 

Why does she think you are controlling? 

BTW: repeatedly cruising by the house she's living in, and installing spyware on her computer reflect a controlling nature. 

I'm not excusing her behavior. That said, if you resume doing what you were doing before she left, she'll leave again....




LAPG123 said:


> lol. Im not getting my hopes up. Talked to her tonight. I was more"a man" and she agreed to counseling.


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

The disrespect she has shown over the past year is an indication of her basic character. She will not change. You need to be done with her totally or prepare yourself for round two of cheating. It will come eventually if you take her back.


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## eric1 (Apr 10, 2015)

My recommendation is that you file your papers now that it is Feburary. At some point you need to move on with you life. Even if things were going peachy with her you would have a strong caution against proceeding. Literally not a single one of her actions has supported the thesis that she's an adequate mate for you.

You can probably do better, much better, and you owe it to yourself to atleast try.


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## workindad (May 7, 2011)

bryanp said:


> If you do not respect yourself then who will? Your wife surely doesn't,


I absolutely agree with this post.


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## LAPG123 (Jan 13, 2016)

EleGirl said:


> Has she ever told you before that she thought you were controlling?


Not until everything went down


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## LAPG123 (Jan 13, 2016)

MEM11363 said:


> Lapg
> Congrats on losing 100+ pounds. That's phenomenal.
> 
> Any idea at all - WHY - your wife left you?
> ...


I gained most during college and then when I was laid off from a crap job before I started my career. I was thin when we met but I was a "fat kid" before that. Weight yo-yo'd a lot. I got serious about it after she left.

She gave me some specific examples in some texts but I don't remember them. They all seemed petty. Seemed like her aunt told me I was controlling more than my wife. I know they talked a lot.


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## ducrider (Sep 24, 2013)

I know you won't listen but run and don't look back, if you stay it will end worse and you will be missing even more years of you life you could of not wasted on her
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LAPG123 (Jan 13, 2016)

I'v decided to relocate back to my hometown and family. Not sure how long it will take to transfer. I don't think long. I'm probably going to let her know this weekend. I haven't decided if I want to invite her to come along. I hoping the counseling will help me decide. I'm relocating rather or not she stays or goes. I'm going to tell her if she stays that's it.

Most say run, but a couple of people say try to reconcile if you think it will make you happy. She was amazing up until that point. I guess that's where I'm hung up. I changed my tone with her the last time we talked. I told her she should be begging to come back and I felt I was putting too much effort in this. She agreed. That's when she agreed to concealing. Since then we have worked on our taxes and she has always responded immediately to may texts. I think I way way too "needy," for lack of a better word when she called with her mind changed. I guess I'll see.


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

LAPG123 said:


> I'v decided to relocate back to my hometown and family. Not sure how long it will take to transfer. I don't think long. I'm probably going to let her know this weekend. I haven't decided if I want to invite her to come along. I hoping the counseling will help me decide. I'm relocating rather or not she stays or goes. I'm going to tell her if she stays that's it.
> 
> Most say run, but a couple of people say try to reconcile if you think it will make you happy. She was amazing up until that point. I guess that's where I'm hung up. I changed my tone with her the last time we talked. I told her she should be begging to come back and I felt I was putting too much effort in this. She agreed. That's when she agreed to concealing. Since then we have worked on our taxes and she has always responded immediately to may texts. I think I way way too "needy," for lack of a better word when she called with her mind changed. I guess I'll see.


Just tell her you are moving. Do not give her an ultimatum to go with you or it's over.

You were almost right when you told her you were putting too much effort into reconciling. You are the only one making any effort at all.

You have to respect yourself. She certainly shows you no respect at this time.

When you tell her you are moving, I am fairly certain she will tell you it is over if you move. She is still choosing her boyfriend over you, File the papers and get on with your life. She walked out on you and moved in with her boyfriend and refused any contact for a year. Now she is still keeping you hanging. How hard will it be for her to do this all over again when she gets upset with you?

Get out now.


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## OldWolf57 (Mar 20, 2012)

Good Lord man, are you really this needy in real life ??

Oh, make sure that income tax check come to and address only you have access to.


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## LAPG123 (Jan 13, 2016)

OldWolf57 said:


> Good Lord man, are you really this needy in real life ??
> 
> Oh, make sure that income tax check come to and address only you have access to.


We both owe. She owed more than me. We decided to file separately.


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## LAPG123 (Jan 13, 2016)

I left my house around 830 this morning to go to the store and passed her coming home to her house. Probably means she did not stay home last night which means she is probably still lying to me. I'm out. My hands are clean. She can live with her regrets later. I have to put myself first now. Peace.


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

LAPG123 said:


> I left my house around 830 this morning to go to the store and passed her coming home to her house. Probably means she did not stay home last night which means she is probably still lying to me. I'm out. My hands are clean. She can live with her regrets later. I have to put myself first now. Peace.


About a year too late, but better late than never.

File the divorce papers.

Move back to your families area.

Forget about her and her drama.

Get on with your life with no regrets.

You have waited long enough.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

File immediately and end this nonsense. You've wasted too much time already. 

Unless you're content on being in a plan B limbo.


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## LAPG123 (Jan 13, 2016)

Still cant file till the 26th. She has 30 days to respond after she gets served. damnit..........................


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## LAPG123 (Jan 13, 2016)

Is it possible to get my dog back?


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

LAPG

Just realize she is not the same person you met at 17.

People change as they get older. Especially in those early years.

Your wife changed and not for the better. She got "selfish".

Just the way she walked out on you with no explanation is proof of that.

Add in the cheating and lying. That should be enough for you to realize that it is time to move away, serve her and divorce her.

Do yourself one other favor. Move away and don't tell her. Let her keep the dog.

Move back home, get a great job, stay in shape and focus on rebuilding your life.

Think of her as someone you used to know.

You owe her nothing. Now stop thinking of her and focus on you.

In the long run it will be the best decision for you.

Now get going.

HM


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## stevehowefan (Apr 3, 2013)

If this is real life, the desire to reconcile will pass. BELIEVE me. Don't do like I did when my ex-fiance called another dude "baby" with me in the other room. I was within hearing distance of her saying it. She knew I could hear. What you're going through is far worse than what I did. We ended up going back and forth for about a year, mostly me reaching out to her. When she said "maybe" we could be together still, I was giddy. I was so happy that day I felt drunk. I'll never forget that feeling, nor will I ever forget the pain of realizing it was really over. I will also never forgot the feeling I had when I said I was done waiting. It was literally three months later and I met my current wife. We have been together 12 years and I never think about my ex. Take solace in the fact that: you will find better and she will regret it for as long as she lives. My ex still does and has communicated it over the last 12 years. I just ignored it all. You will get to that point too. Just skip all the heartache now.


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