# My soul hurts.



## Obeseman87 (7 mo ago)

Hello everyone. I go by Obeseman87 and I recently got separated from my wife of one year. For the past two years, I was living in my home with my wife, and due to certain circumstances, my Mom came to stay with us as she lost her apartment and I couldn't let her live on the side of the road. Then this past year her sister and her boyfriend came into the home as well. My Mom stepped over some lines and cause a few scenes which caused me and her to bump heads and in the end of each battle she apologize and we moved on from it and was paying me money whenever she could. When her sister came along, she was cool at first. She was kinda like out of sight, out of mind and I didn't mind having her over especially when I found out that she was going through some things. Her boyfriend was cool at first but then he started to try and takeover my home and was causing me problems and issues and for the past 7 months my bills tripled and since my Mom left for surgery in October/November of 2021 and her sister and her boyfriend came into my home in October, they both refused to pay any rent or help out with expenses and we ended up losing our house and My wife separated from me in April and now she's staying at random people homes and she says that she is not leaving me for another man but I don't know if I should stay here.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Obeseman87 said:


> Hello everyone. I go by Obeseman87 and I recently got separated from my wife of one year. For the past two years, I was living in my home with my wife, and due to certain circumstances, my Mom came to stay with us as she lost her apartment and I couldn't let her live on the side of the road. Then this past year her sister and her boyfriend came into the home as well. My Mom stepped over some lines and cause a few scenes which caused me and her to bump heads and in the end of each battle she apologize and we moved on from it and was paying me money whenever she could. When her sister came along, she was cool at first. She was kinda like out of sight, out of mind and I didn't mind having her over especially when I found out that she was going through some things. Her boyfriend was cool at first but then he started to try and takeover my home and was causing me problems and issues and for the past 7 months my bills tripled and since my Mom left for surgery in October/November of 2021 and her sister and her boyfriend came into my home in October, they both refused to pay any rent or help out with expenses and we ended up losing our house and My wife separated from me in April and now she's staying at random people homes and she says that she is not leaving me for another man but I don't know if I should stay here.


You have the cart driving the horse there. No one should be living there if they're not paying their share. Your wife did the smart thing. Don't know how old mom is but if she's not disabled, she could find some work. If she is, she should be on some disability, depending where you live. 

The sister and boyfriend just need to get out. It's up to you to make that happen. They have no excuse. Are you renting or do you own this home? If renting, when is your lease up? You could just move out and then eventually they'd get evicted, but you would have to be sure to tell your landlord in writing you were out. 

If you own, evict them or whatever you legally have to do. Seems like telling them to go ought to be enough.


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## Obeseman87 (7 mo ago)

DownByTheRiver said:


> You have the cart driving the horse there. No one should be living there if they're not paying their share. Your wife did the smart thing. Don't know how old mom is but if she's not disabled, she could find some work. If she is, she should be on some disability, depending where you live.
> 
> The sister and boyfriend just need to get out. It's up to you to make that happen. They have no excuse. Are you renting or do you own this home? If renting, when is your lease up? You could just move out and then eventually they'd get evicted, but you would have to be sure to tell your landlord in writing you were out.
> 
> If you own, evict them or whatever you legally have to do. Seems like telling them to go ought to be enough.


My mom is disabled and she was with us because shelters was full and then the shutdown happened. We owned the house and we lost it after my sister in law moved in with her boyfriend 🙄. My mom was out of the_ house for surgery and they moved in and it was good for the first month then they just squatted in the house and cost us money. We lost the house and she left. It was her sister and I tried to get them out.bthey caused us problems and just like my mom I got my mom out _and I wanted my wife to get her own sister out.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Obeseman87 said:


> My mom is disabled and she was with us because shelters was full and then the shutdown happened. We owned the house and we lost it after my sister in law moved in with her boyfriend 🙄. My mom was out of the_ house for surgery and they moved in and it was good for the first month then they just squatted in the house and cost us money. We lost the house and she left. It was her sister and I tried to get them out.bthey caused us problems and just like my mom I got my mom out _and I wanted my wife to get her own sister out.


So you say you lost the house, but you're still in it?? Or did you move somewhere?

Are you guys in the US? If your mom is old, then she should have some Medicare or Medicaid and Social Security. If she's truly disabled, she should have Social Security Disability. Point being, she should have some income. 

If not in the US, what do you have where you are?


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## Obeseman87 (7 mo ago)

DownByTheRiver said:


> So you say you lost the house, but you're still in it?? Or did you move somewhere?


No I moved in with my brother until my apartment is ready.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Obeseman87 said:


> No I moved in with my brother until my apartment is ready.


And did the troublesome sister and boyfriend follow? Do not let them follow. If they will follow anyway, then just move into temporary short-term housing so you can up and move away from them if needed. I had a friend whose sister did this to her and all they could do was just keep moving away from them.


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## Obeseman87 (7 mo ago)

DownByTheRiver said:


> And did the troublesome sister and boyfriend follow? Do not let them follow. If they will follow anyway, then just move into temporary short-term housing so you can up and move away from them if needed. I had a friend whose sister did this to her and all they could do was just keep moving away from them.


No. They went somewhere else. I told my wife that wherever I go, no one will be living with us. But I don't know if I can trust my wife and I don't know if she is sleeping around on me. I'm not saying that I'm 100% innocent but I didn't do anything that would result in a separation. I'm going through some things and I just need to know if I should keep going?


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Obeseman87 said:


> No. They went somewhere else. I told my wife that wherever I go, no one will be living with us. But I don't know if I can trust my wife and I don't know if she is sleeping around on me. I'm not saying that I'm 100% innocent but I didn't do anything that would result in a separation. I'm going through some things and I just need to know if I should keep going?


I think your wife just didn't like living with all those people, not to do with sleeping around. That would have made most people up and leave.


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## Obeseman87 (7 mo ago)

DownByTheRiver said:


> I think your wife just didn't like living with all those people, not to do with sleeping around. That would have made most people up and leave.


But she's staying at random people homes and she's saying that she wasn't leaving for another man, but staying at two different places how can I not be suspicious


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## Obeseman87 (7 mo ago)

DownByTheRiver said:


> I think your wife just didn't like living with all those people, not to do with sleeping around. That would have made most people up and leave.


I know. I was getting people our, but her sister and her boyfriend wouldn't leave.


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## OnTheRocks (Sep 26, 2011)

Sounds methy.


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## D0nnivain (Mar 13, 2021)

You sound like a nice give giving family shelter in a pandemic when they would otherwise be out. 

Not sure how you lost the house. Presumably you afforded the mortgage before people lived with you. Even if food & utilities went up that mortgage payment needed to be made, no matter what. I would have eaten Ramen noodles in the dark rather than foreclosure. 

All in all your wife who let this happen, who didn't stand up to her leech of a sister & her BF, isn't mature enough to be married & didn't want to fight for the two of you. I see no evidence that she's sleeping around but I also see no evidence that she cares about your marriage. 

It may be time to let this go. 

I hope your mom is doing well after her surgery.


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## Obeseman87 (7 mo ago)

D0nnivain said:


> You sound like a nice give giving family shelter in a pandemic when they would otherwise be out.
> 
> Not sure how you lost the house. Presumably you afforded the mortgage before people lived with you. Even if food & utilities went up that mortgage payment needed to be made, no matter what. I would have eaten Ramen noodles in the dark rather than foreclosure.
> 
> ...


Mom is fine. She caused some issues but I was able to put those to bed. I was paying bills while she took on the mortgage and we ended up behind because I get disability and all my money was swallowed up and the leaches only added on to the bills making it impossible to keep up and we had to sell it before we defaulted on our loan. But her staying at random people homes and she's saying that she hasn't left me for another man is making me go insane. I'm starving Physically Emotionally Mentally and I can't break my vows but I need some attention and it's to the point where I'm getting tired.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Obeseman87 said:


> I'm not saying that I'm 100% innocent but I didn't do anything that would result in a separation.


Filling the house with in-laws mooching off of you IS valid reason for moving out. 

She lost trust and respect in you for not sticking up for her and her rights and her financial stability in her own home. 

I would have packed up too if my spouse had done that.


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## Obeseman87 (7 mo ago)

oldshirt said:


> Filling the house with in-laws mooching off of you IS valid reason for moving out.
> 
> She lost trust and respect in you for not sticking up for her and her rights and her financial stability in her own home.
> 
> I would have packed up too if my spouse had done that.


It was her sister and her boyfriend. I moved my mom out and she refused to move her family out after she told me that she wanted them out. I did more than stick up for her, I was the one willing to help them get their own place. I'm not perfect but I did my part.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Obeseman87 said:


> It was her sister and her boyfriend. I moved my mom out and she refused to move her family out after she told me that she wanted them out. I did more than stick up for her, I was the one willing to help them get their own place. I'm not perfect but I did my part.


So it was your wife’s sister and BF? I misunderstood, I thought was your mom’s sister and BF. 

Either way, having in-laws living in the house is always a big stressor, especially if they aren’t doing their share of the housework or paying their share of the bills. 

Sometimes that stress and pain-in-the-buttness just pushes people over the edge and they end up holding it all against their partner. 

Maybe she’s seeing some other dude(s) and maybe she isn’t. But either way the stress of having multiple families in one house is enough to push people over the edge even if some of them are her relatives.


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## Obeseman87 (7 mo ago)

oldshirt said:


> So it was your wife’s sister and BF? I misunderstood, I thought was your mom’s sister and BF.
> 
> Either way, having in-laws living in the house is always a big stressor, especially if they aren’t doing their share of the housework or paying their share of the bills.
> 
> ...


So I can't see anyone because I am honoring my vows and my commitment but she can sleep at random people homes and I don't know what to do. I gave up six years to her and I sacrificed everything to make her happy. I made some mistakes, but I never cheated or even looked at another woman. I feel like everything I worked for was taken from me and I am not sure what I need to do


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Obeseman87 said:


> So I can't see anyone because I am honoring my vows and my commitment but she can sleep at random people homes and I don't know what to do. I gave up six years to her and I sacrificed everything to make her happy. I made some mistakes, but I never cheated or even looked at another woman. I feel like everything I worked for was taken from me and I am not sure what I need to do


I’m not saying she is or isn’t getting with other dudes. 

I’m saying that a house full of mooching relatives is enough to put anyone over the edge.


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## Obeseman87 (7 mo ago)

oldshirt said:


> I’m not saying she is or isn’t getting with other dudes.
> 
> I’m saying that a house full of mooching relatives is enough to put anyone over the edge.


I was over the edge plenty of times with her and her family. I never treated them harshly or rude. I never just got up and left her alone while I go and sleep with or stay over other women houses. That is straight BS. Man suicide is on my mind. Six years and I am the only one being the good person? How?! Why must I be quiet about her family when she can tee off on my family who wasn't even in the house? Somebody make it make sense?


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## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

Learn how to say NO!
You have had no boundary. Get some professional help. 
your life looks like there are drug users hanging around.

say NO to everyone who tries to mooch off you!
Learn to are for yourself and how to have a healthy home environment! This should be your safe place!


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## Obeseman87 (7 mo ago)

Beach123 said:


> Learn how to say NO!
> You have had no boundary. Get some professional help.
> your life looks like there are drug users hanging around.
> 
> ...


Thank you. I've begun saying no. It hurt at first, but now I got it better


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

You are going to have to choose. Your family or your wife, any wife you may have either now or the future.


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## Obeseman87 (7 mo ago)

sokillme said:


> You are going to have to choose. Your family or your wife, any wife you may have either now or the future.


I made it clear that it was my wife. I never put my family over her. I just didn't want family on the curb during covid


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## Night Owl1 (Nov 6, 2020)

What a mess. I feel for you. However , allowing people to take advantage of you has resulted in this situation. I’m not sure what advice to give, except your marriage should be the top priority. If you still care for your wife, maybe if you talk about the experience & set some mutually respectful boundaries, you could live happily together.


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## Obeseman87 (7 mo ago)

Night Owl1 said:


> What a mess. I feel for you. However , allowing people to take advantage of you has resulted in this situation. I’m not sure what advice to give, except your marriage should be the top priority. If you still care for your wife, maybe if you talk about the experience & set some mutually respectful boundaries, you could live happily together.


I will try. I appreciate your support and advice


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## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

You need to take care of you.
Let others take care of themselves!


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## Obeseman87 (7 mo ago)

Beach123 said:


> You need to take care of you.
> Let others take care of themselves!


I don't know how. All I ever did was take care of others.


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## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

Obeseman87 said:


> I don't know how. All I ever did was take care of others.


get busy practicing contrary action!!!

any person doing the work for several people is gonna go down. You do you! Let others do for themselves!

when they ask for you to do things for them - simply say NO.
If they push you say “that’s for YOU to take care of, not me!”

practice saying it in the mirror!


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Obeseman87 said:


> But she's staying at random people homes and she's saying that she wasn't leaving for another man, but staying at two different places how can I not be suspicious


Because she had to find a place to stay. Your relatives ran her out of her home.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Obeseman87 said:


> So I can't see anyone because I am honoring my vows and my commitment but she can sleep at random people homes and I don't know what to do. I gave up six years to her and I sacrificed everything to make her happy. I made some mistakes, but I never cheated or even looked at another woman. I feel like everything I worked for was taken from me and I am not sure what I need to do


Just because she's staying at someone's home does not mean she's having sex with them. I don't know where you're getting that.

If you had to go find a friend's home to stay at temporarily does that mean you would be having sex with them?


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## Obeseman87 (7 mo ago)

Beach123 said:


> get busy practicing contrary action!!!
> 
> any person doing the work for several people is gonna go down. You do you! Let others do for themselves!
> 
> ...


Thank you. I just wanted to


DownByTheRiver said:


> Just because she's staying at someone's home does not mean she's having sex with them. I don't know where you're getting that.


Come on. Staying at another man's house....late nights coming home the following day? And she is NOT sleeping with him? She won't tell me names?


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## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

Divorce her! She isn’t a partner to you anymore!


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## DudeInProgress (Jun 10, 2019)

Obeseman87 said:


> I made it clear that it was my wife. *I never put my family over her*. I just didn't want family on the curb during covid


Yes you did.
You allowed your family to disrupt your world and your wife’s world, and it sounds like you allowed that situation to contribute to losing your (and your wife’s) home.
You did not put your marriage above your family drama.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Obeseman87 said:


> Thank you. I just wanted to
> 
> Come on. Staying at another man's house....late nights coming home the following day? And she is NOT sleeping with him? She won't tell me names?


It's not a given at all. And when you said coming home I thought you said she had moved out.


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## Obeseman87 (7 mo ago)

DudeInProgress said:


> Yes you did.
> You allowed your family to disrupt your world and your wife’s world, and it sounds like you allowed that situation to contribute to losing your (and your wife’s) home.
> You did not put your marriage above your family drama.


It was not just my family. It was both of our family members staying.


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## Obeseman87 (7 mo ago)

DownByTheRiver said:


> It's not a given at all. And when you said coming home I thought you said she had moved out.


Yeah she left after everything caved in on us and I got blamed for everything.


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## Obeseman87 (7 mo ago)

Beach123 said:


> Divorce her! She isn’t a partner to you anymore!


I understand that completely but she doesn't want to leave me. I don't know what to do at all.


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## DudeInProgress (Jun 10, 2019)

Obeseman87 said:


> I understand that completely but she doesn't want to leave me. I don't know what to do at all.


You need to take ownership of your situation, your marriage, and everything else in your life.

And you need to come up with a plan to get things back on track as much as possible, as quickly as possible.
And you need to establish with your wife what you will, and will not accept in your marriage (i.e. you will not accept your wife staying with other men, period).

You needed to lead your marriage and household and not let other people (even family members) derail and jeopardize you and your wife’s well-being. 
You didn’t do that. You didn’t control the situation and enforce boundaries with the family members, and everything imploded.

You can’t change that now, but you can learn from it and you can start taking control of your situation and leading now.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Obeseman87 said:


> Mom is fine. She caused some issues but I was able to put those to bed. I was paying bills while she took on the mortgage and we ended up behind because I get disability and all my money was swallowed up and the leaches only added on to the bills making it impossible to keep up and we had to sell it before we defaulted on our loan. But her staying at random people homes and she's saying that she hasn't left me for another man is making me go insane. I'm starving Physically Emotionally Mentally and I can't break my vows but I need some attention and it's to the point where I'm getting tired.


So you are newly married, just over one year and you let all this **** happen? How old are you both? No wonder your wife is off staying in other peoples houses, yet instead of looking at the mess which you helped to create, you are more worried about what she is doing. Provide a safe place for your new bride. What a **** show, if your wife was my daughter I would insist she comes back home. No-one esp newly married should go through all of this including losing a home.
What happened with your mother exactly? I think there is more to this than you have shared. maybe it was the straw that broke the camel's back. Instead of sitting whinging about getting all the blame, be a man, be a leader and take control of the circumstances and take action, set boundaries, provide a home and win back your wife, discuss the way forward together and no more boundary breaking.

Your priorities are all screwed up!

1. Why did you separate?
2. Do you have siblings to help with your mother?
3. Where is your mother now?
4. Do you have an income?
5. Does your wife have an income? Can she work?
6. Why weren't her sister and BIL working?
7. You need to sort out your own circumstances first, living, finances, etc. before you considering what to do with your marriage.
Appears you are not in any position to take care of a wife, why is that?
Do you guys take drugs or any form of substances?


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Obeseman87 said:


> Yeah she left after everything caved in on us and I got blamed for everything.


That's because it's your family and you didn't set boundaries.


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## Obeseman87 (7 mo ago)

aine said:


> So you are newly married, just over one year and you let all this *** happen? How old are you both? No wonder your wife is off staying in other peoples houses, yet instead of looking at the mess which you helped to create, you are more worried about what she is doing. Provide a safe place for your new bride. What a *** show, if your wife was my daughter I would insist she comes back home. No-one esp newly married should go through all of this including losing a home.
> What happened with your mother exactly? I think there is more to this than you have shared. maybe it was the straw that broke the camel's back. Instead of sitting whinging about getting all the blame, be a man, be a leader and take control of the circumstances and take action, set boundaries, provide a home and win back your wife, discuss the way forward together and no more boundary breaking.
> 
> Your priorities are all screwed up!
> ...


Okay, first thank you for comment. Second, I have never used drugs. In my 35 years of living I have never gone down that path. As for income, I am disabled and I have an income and she has a great job. My Mom needed surgery to fix her back and neck and she lost her home due to her husband losing everything and now she is staying with my brother. My wife and I separated because of the house and the family issues which I have stated in my original post and throughout the previous responses. I'm not perfect, I made some issues which I have already took responsibility for. As for her sister, I have no idea why she refused to work. When I moved my mom out, I made it clear that she and her boyfriend had to go, she said nothing and did nothing to help me move them out. As for my "circumstances", I actually was fixing them and making HUGE progress as I graduated from school and took the immediate steps to get off of disability by getting a serious surgery so I can go back to my field of study and get some serious cash(legally🤣). So I was working on the problems I have so I wasn't sure on why I shouldn't worry about someone I love sleeping in some dudes house?! You may not know me but I have NEVER been outside of my marriage and I have done all that I can do. So thank you for your time and help ☺ I appreciate your words more than you know.


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## Obeseman87 (7 mo ago)

DownByTheRiver said:


> That's because it's your family and you didn't set boundaries.


I agree but it wasn't just my family either.


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## Obeseman87 (7 mo ago)

DudeInProgress said:


> You need to take ownership of your situation, your marriage, and everything else in your life.
> 
> And you need to come up with a plan to get things back on track as much as possible, as quickly as possible.
> And you need to establish with your wife what you will, and will not accept in your marriage (i.e. you will not accept your wife staying with other men, period).
> ...


Thank you. I appreciate it very much. I already have told her that nobody will be in our home together ever again. No staying the night or anything like that.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Obeseman87 said:


> I agree but it wasn't just my family either.


But that's all you've told us about in your original post.


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## Obeseman87 (7 mo ago)

DownByTheRiver said:


> But that's all you've told us about in your original post.


I see. Well I'll say this, My mom came in first due to her husband losing her place and car. She was with us for a while and yes I was oblivious to the issues that were rising and when COVID hit and the shutdown came I started planning on getting her out as my wife was asking me to. I will agree and admit that I grew soft and during the time she was with us, I grew inpatient and I saw that problems were growing and I started to go into overdrive and then when she said she was leaving to have surgery, my aunt and I started the process of moving her stuff out so that she could be moreso on the chopping block so to say. But as soon as October 2021 came, her sister and her sister's boyfriend came in as my mom was leaving and even though my Mom was staying, she was paying us something and helping out with other things. But from October 2021 to April 2022 they contributed NOTHING to the bills and our overall bills were doubled and even tripled. I pleaded with her to let her go back but she used my mom as a card at first and I understood her until she realized that we were used horribly and even with my income, we were in trouble with the bills. I borrowed money from family to help but I was fighting a losing battle cause they would not leave and by then she was in a tailspin and blaming me for everything and lumped me in with everyone else.


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## DudeInProgress (Jun 10, 2019)

Obeseman87 said:


> Thank you. I appreciate it very much. I already have told her that nobody will be in our home together ever again. No staying the night or anything like that.


You also need to tell her that she is either your wife or she’s not - and as such she needs to move back in with you immediately if she intends to remain your wife. 

Do not tolerate her staying with another man. Ever. That stops immediately or you need to file for divorce.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Whose sister and boyfriend? I read it as your mother's sister.


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## Obeseman87 (7 mo ago)

DudeInProgress said:


> You also need to tell her that she is either your wife or she’s not - and as such she needs to move back in with you immediately if she intends to remain your wife.
> 
> Do not tolerate her staying with another man. Ever. That stops immediately or you need to file for divorce.


Yes sir. Thank you kindly


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## Obeseman87 (7 mo ago)

DownByTheRiver said:


> Whose sister and boyfriend? I read it as your mother's sister.


My wife's sister and her boyfriend


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Obeseman87 said:


> My wife's sister and her boyfriend


So she let her own sister run her out of her home and you stayed behind? I still don't see who you're getting her cheating from this. Who gave them permission to stay there, was it her or you?


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## Obeseman87 (7 mo ago)

DownByTheRiver said:


> So she let her own sister run her out of her home and you stayed behind? I still don't see who you're getting her cheating from this. Who gave them permission to stay there, was it her or you?


I didn't stay behind. She sold the house. Her sister was immature and so was the boyfriend. I know it was something more to the selling of the house but yeah her sister and her boyfriend were the straw that broke the camel's back. I was paying bills with everything I had and it was just a pain after that. She left and I was trying to get us a place to go but she found a place for herself and I have been on my brother's couch since May. I have a place set up for us but I just wanted to know if she was cheating or not and if I should fight for my marriage. There was plenty of things I didn't do right, things that I SHOULD have done, but to take it here is making me crazy.


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## DudeInProgress (Jun 10, 2019)

Yes, you screwed up a lot of things but you can’t control how you handled things in the past.
At this point, you just need to address your situation from current reality.
And the reality is that she is no longer behaving as your wife. She is clearly looking out for HER interests now, not your interests as a couple. And that’s fine if that’s where she’s at, but you need to do the same.

And if she staying with another man, without you, you need to assume that she is cheating unless proven otherwise. And act accordingly in your own best interests.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Obeseman87 said:


> I didn't stay behind. She sold the house. Her sister was immature and so was the boyfriend. I know it was something more to the selling of the house but yeah her sister and her boyfriend were the straw that broke the camel's back. I was paying bills with everything I had and it was just a pain after that. She left and I was trying to get us a place to go but she found a place for herself and I have been on my brother's couch since May. I have a place set up for us but I just wanted to know if she was cheating or not and if I should fight for my marriage. There was plenty of things I didn't do right, things that I SHOULD have done, but to take it here is making me crazy.


Unless she has a history of definitely cheating, you have no reason to think she's cheating. She went and got a roof over her head because both of you dropped the ball letting those people take over your house and run you out. She probably was giving you time to find both of you a place, but not knowing other details, it's also possible she decided she didn't want to live with your mother too and thought she would still be living there, just me speculating. I mean, some people cannot deal with other people living in their home. I don't blame them. But I get you needed time to find a spot for your mom. Both of y'all together not ridding yourselves of the sister and bf and having to just move away, there's something amiss there. It being her relatives, it really was up to her to be the assertive one, but failing that, you had a right to run them out as well. Instead, they ran you two out. The whole thing just sounds dysfunctional. If she's wanting to come back to live with you, let her. She had reason enough to leave and find a spot to sleep, more than enough reason. Good luck.


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## Obeseman87 (7 mo ago)

DownByTheRiver said:


> Unless she has a history of definitely cheating, you have no reason to think she's cheating. She went and got a roof over her head because both of you dropped the ball letting those people take over your house and run you out. She probably was giving you time to find both of you a place, but not knowing other details, it's also possible she decided she didn't want to live with your mother too and thought she would still be living there, just me speculating. I mean, some people cannot deal with other people living in their home. I don't blame them. But I get you needed time to find a spot for your mom. Both of y'all together not ridding yourselves of the sister and bf and having to just move away, there's something amiss there. It being her relatives, it really was up to her to be the assertive one, but failing that, you had a right to run them out as well. Instead, they ran you two out. The whole thing just sounds dysfunctional. If she's wanting to come back to live with you, let her. She had reason enough to leave and find a spot to sleep, more than enough reason. Good luck.


So you don't think she sleeping around? Thank you for your help. I appreciate it


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Obeseman87 said:


> So you don't think she sleeping around? Thank you for your help. I appreciate it


Not unless before all this, you had some sort of proof she was already cheating around.


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## Obeseman87 (7 mo ago)

DownByTheRiver said:


> Not unless before all this, you had some sort of proof she was already cheating around.


Never cheated on me. I still feel hurt but I am getting my new place so I will take all of the advice you all gave me thanks again


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## gaius (Nov 5, 2020)

I don't know what your disability is but you can't take care of anyone on disability payments. If there's anything you can do to get back into the working class then do it. Fight like you've never fought before. Because there are very few women out there who will ever feel safe and protected by a man who makes a thousand dollars a month.


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## Obeseman87 (7 mo ago)

gaius said:


> I don't know what your disability is but you can't take care of anyone on disability payments. If there's anything you can do to get back into the working class then do it. Fight like you've never fought before. Because there are very few women out there who will ever feel safe and protected by a man who makes a thousand dollars a month.


Oh I understand that completely. In order for me to get back into the work force, I have to go get surgery. I already have it scheduled 😎. I just graduated so that will help me along the way. Thank you.


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## theloveofmylife (Jan 5, 2021)

Obeseman87 said:


> I'm not saying that I'm 100% innocent but I didn't do anything that would result in a separation.


What exactly does this mean?


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## Obeseman87 (7 mo ago)

theloveofmylife said:


> What exactly does this mean?


Like I said. I'm not perfect. I've argued with her, I have fought with her(not physically), we've had some battles but I've never left her when things got tough. I know I've dropped the ball and I didn't stand firm and I wasn't stern about everyone leaving our home. But I felt like all the wrongs I have done should not have resulted in the split up. But I have accepted and I have taken responsibility for my actions in my marriage.


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

I still do not understand why you think she was cheating. Is it because she won't tell you who these men are in addition to staying overnight at their places (and coming home in the morning?!?!?!)? This immediately is cause for divorce. It means that she did not have to move out or go stay elsewhere, she chose to since she had a place to come back to in the morning!!! And at different men's houses - who you don't know and she won't tell you. But she still wants to be in a marriage with you. If this is the case then I also think that she is cheating. Does your disability affect your sex life?


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## Obeseman87 (7 mo ago)

manfromlamancha said:


> I still do not understand why you think she was cheating. Is it because she won't tell you who these men are in addition to staying overnight at their places (and coming home in the morning?!?!?!)? This immediately is cause for divorce. It means that she did not have to move out or go stay elsewhere, she chose to since she had a place to come back to in the morning!!! And at different men's houses - who you don't know and she won't tell you. But she still wants to be in a marriage with you. If this is the case then I also think that she is cheating. Does your disability affect your sex life?


No my disability doesn't affect my sex life. She was going out to hangout with her friends at club, but then it would be like 3am and she would not answer my calls or texts and then when 10am or later she would tell me that she stayed at a house with the girls and she said that he phone was in the car and I just don't know if she actually cheated on me or not.


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

Obeseman87 said:


> No my disability doesn't affect my sex life. She was going out to hangout with her friends at club, but then it would be like 3am and she would not answer my calls or texts and then when 10am or later she would tell me that she stayed at a house with the girls and she said that he phone was in the car and I just don't know if she actually cheated on me or not.


So if she stayed at a house with the girls what makes you think there was a man involved at all???


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

Obeseman87 said:


> No my disability doesn't affect my sex life. She was going out to hangout with her friends at club, but then it would be like 3am and she would not answer my calls or texts and then when 10am or later she would tell me that she stayed at a house with the girls and she said that he phone was in the car and I just don't know if she actually cheated on me or not.


No matter what it is NOT ok to disappear overnight. Just for safety reasons, what if she’d been in an accident or assaulted? It’s not about control, it’s about courtesy. Being out all night isn’t ok for men OR women.


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## Obeseman87 (7 mo ago)

manfromlamancha said:


> So if she stayed at a house with the girls what makes you think there was a man involved at all???


She said that the girls were at a party and they stayed at the promoter's house


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## Obeseman87 (7 mo ago)

Obeseman87 said:


> She said that the girls were at a party and they stayed at the promoter's house


The promoter is a guy


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## Obeseman87 (7 mo ago)

TexasMom1216 said:


> No matter what it is NOT ok to disappear overnight. Just for safety reasons, what if she’d been in an accident or assaulted? It’s not about control, it’s about courtesy. Being out all night isn’t ok for men OR women.


THAT'S EXACTLY MY POINT! I WASN'T SAYING THAT SHE COULDN'T HAVE FUN OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT BUT AT LEAST HAVE THE DECENCY TO CALL OR ANSWER MY MESSAGE. THAT'S NOT ASKING FOR TOO MUCH🥹


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

Obeseman87 said:


> THAT'S EXACTLY MY POINT! I WASN'T SAYING THAT SHE COULDN'T HAVE FUN OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT BUT AT LEAST HAVE THE DECENCY TO CALL OR ANSWER MY MESSAGE. THAT'S NOT ASKING FOR TOO MUCH🥹


It’s not. You’re correct about that.


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## Obeseman87 (7 mo ago)

TexasMom1216 said:


> It’s not. You’re correct about that.


Thank you. I love her deeply but this is the most challenging thing I have faced as an adult


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

Obeseman87 said:


> The promoter is a guy


A couple of things - this story is one story (where you know who the other guy is or at least can easily find out from the girls who the promoter is - by the way, what kind of party needs a promoter?). What about the other times she has stayed out all night? What is it the same story each time?


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## Obeseman87 (7 mo ago)

manfromlamancha said:


> A couple of things - this story is one story (where you know who the other guy is or at least can easily find out from the girls who the promoter is - by the way, what kind of party needs a promoter?). What about the other times she has stayed out all night? What is it the same story each time?


More or less. The first time she was out with them and she was forthright with info. The second time her other sister(not the sister who was with us) went with her and again she was forthright with the information. It was the last three meetings before the split that made me think something was amiss. She was supposed to be at an event near our city, then about an hour into said event, she stopped all communication with me and that's when she was telling me what happened but it was like she didn't want to say what was going on and why she travelled to another city without letting me know if anything had happened and that's when the I left my phone in the car line was being used more often. I felt like she was seeing the promoter guy and when I bought it up she said that she wasn't.


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## Obeseman87 (7 mo ago)

manfromlamancha said:


> A couple of things - this story is one story (where you know who the other guy is or at least can easily find out from the girls who the promoter is - by the way, what kind of party needs a promoter?). What about the other times she has stayed out all night? What is it the same story each time?


I wish I knew. If I did it would be no longer an issue. I started to believe that it was the girls and the promoter guy who was behind her attitude change.


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

So do you know who this promoter guy is? Can you start monitoring and going into investigative mode? Mouth shut, eyes and ears open. Does she message or call him? Do you have access to her phone?


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## Obeseman87 (7 mo ago)

manfromlamancha said:


> So do you know who this promoter guy is? Can you start monitoring and going into investigative mode? Mouth shut, eyes and ears open. Does she message or call him? Do you have access to her phone?


No I have no access to the phone. I used to but I'm not near her to get to it. I don't know who he is. I tried investigating by going through her social media accounts but she has over 5000 followers and most of them I have checked out over the past two months


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