# MLC



## Yoho (Aug 28, 2017)

Been married for almost 18years, 3 children ages 15, 16 and 24. Life has been mostly very good. I work overseas, 4 weeks on/4 weeks off. My wife , 10 years younger (48 years old) had an affair 7 years ago which I guess I never got over it, she apologized but a few months later blame me or made it my fault. This pissed me off and I stopped making nice comments or I guess not as loving as I should have been. 
6 months ago my wife was acting strange and i mention if it was menopause, she was angry but agreed 2 months later. I gave her all the space she needed and put up with snide remarks thinking it was the menopause. I thought this was you are suppose to do. The intimacy was going downhill big time. 
My wife took my boys on a holiday out of the country to visit grandparents for 4 weeks. Came back , she went to work and I took the boys to the lake for 2 weeks so I never saw her that much. 
I went to work and I usually always phone every day and she says love you at the end of the call. Next morning I get an email,she says " she his marriage is destroying me and I want out" accusations of me controlling her and me insulting her and she is going to live her life. She will not answer the phone says she will move to a friends house when I get back in 2 weeks. 
I am devastated, I know it's not an affair happening so I figure MLC. 
What are my chances of reconciliation or what's going on.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Yoohoo, Yoho!

You were nice enough to forgive her first affair. No small deal.

Leaving a spouse alone for long periods of time is extremely risky.

Especially one who is co-dependent, needy and Gawd help you....high desire, HD.

It is a lot to ask anyone to do without sex for long periods of time. 

Four weeks is Not a long time but being repetitive is hard on a relationship.

Plus, her being a women and known to be alone for these periods makes her an easy target for predators.

She is a cheat, she is remorseless, she has gotten used to living her life without you.

MLC? I think when she hooked up with her affair partner, opened her legs for him, THAT was MLC time [7 year itch cycle].

Now? She wants to start over...without you. Could she have another man in the wings?

Maybe, who cares. Let her go. 

You lost her 6 or 7 years ago. At that time, she found "Her Groove", and she shared the furry devil with some POSOM. They both enjoyed chasing each other around the house, like squirrels.

Just Sayin'


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

I suspect she is up to her old tricks....if she wants a divorce then you need to tell he kids the truth of her past and potential current affair and do not accept the blame shifting. She has to own her own crap.


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## Yoho (Aug 28, 2017)

Unfortunately I believe that she is not in an affair just seems to be losing her mind right now


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

You barely see each other why do you think it's not an affair?

Either way you can't have a solid relationship when you are both away from each other so much


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Acting crazy, wanting you out of the house, past history of affairs, suddenly wanting a divorce, you're gone long periods of time, and YOU saying it's NOT an affair.................. 

Dude, she's having another affair. Regardless, it's over. Once they fall out of love (she's been out of love for 7 years), it's never coming back. This proves it.

Sorry. You still have a lot of life. Don't think for an instant that you can't find another one as good as this one. That's crazy talk and comes from emotional trauma that you're experiencing. You CAN find another woman to love. You CAN still have a great life.

GET RID OF HER.


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## Taxman (Dec 21, 2016)

Right now, you have no evidence either way. Yes, it is a lot less vexing to think that she is keeping it to herself, however, past behavior is the best indicator of future behavior. I believe that you will need to hire a PI. Based on his findings you can then chart your next course of action. Do not listen to those saying crank up the divorce papers now, as this just might be MLC. In any event, prepare yourself for the marriage to end, but find out what you are dealing with. If not just for your own peace of mind.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

SlowlyGoingCrazy said:


> You barely see each other why do you think it's not an affair?
> 
> Either way you can't have a solid relationship when you are both away from each other so much


YES!

You barely see each other.
You barely touch each other, caress each other.
You barely comfort each other.
You barely laugh together, have fun together.
You barely do anything constructive together.

Obviously, one or both do not love the other.

That said, that is the recipe for:

Irreparable differences.
Separation.
Sexual satisfaction in one's one hands, using one's own rhythmic stroking.
Finding a OSF to work on/out the genitals. Cheating. Continued cheating. Bad thing, this.
Divorce in the First Degree, in the First Person.

I can see why she would cheat. I can see why you might cheat.

But Divorce is always the morally correct answer. Not cheating.

What do you expect?

Why are you still married?

Just Sayin'


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## Yoho (Aug 28, 2017)

I am home now with the kids and she is staying with friends. We have had next to no communication for the last 3 weeks. I know there is no affair going on. Just not sure what to do


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Yoho said:


> I am home now with the kids and she is staying with friends. We have had next to no communication for the last 3 weeks. I know there is no affair going on. Just not sure what to do


You do not know what to do?
She does.

She lost her mind?
No, you lost yours worrying about her.

Let her go.
She beat you to it. Go.


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## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

Yoho said:


> I am home now with the kids and she is staying with friends. We have had next to no communication for the last 3 weeks. I know there is no affair going on. Just not sure what to do


Have you checked her phone records?


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

You MUST file for divorce and move on. It doesn't matter whether or not it's an affair. The fact is, she doesn't love you anymore and her actions with cheating and leaving and TELLING you she doesn't want to be married says it all.

The great thing is for you that you can now find someone that truly loves you. You have the possibility of many years of happiness ahead of you. No matter what, this wife of yours is going to try to make your life miserable just because hers is. DON'T LET HER!

You feel helpless, alone, your self confidence likely shot. You aren't alone, you still get to make decisions about your own life, and there are millions of faithful, loyal, loving women in the world. Just because she's the only woman on the planet to you now, doesn't mean you'll feel that way in a couple of years. Give yourself the gift of casting off the anchor. She is NOT the only woman you can love. I promise.


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## Yoho (Aug 28, 2017)

I think it's to early to throw in the towel. Worried about the kids they are 16 and 15 and they need a dad that at home


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Sad thing is, it's not your choice. It's hers. And she has made it. 
I know you're hurting. I know you wish this would go away. I know you probably want to be a loyal husband that doesn't give up when the going gets tough. Geez, she cheated on you and you looked the other way and stayed. Just how far do you have to go? Death? Well you're parted already, thanks to her. So don't think "until death do us part". You can stay if you want, but she's not staying. She's gone. 

You are going to keep up the "fight" for the last, best years of your life when you could be spending it with a person that cares about you.
I say don't do it. You should file. You can ALWAYS stop the divorce, or you can ALWAYS remarry. Start the process of moving forward. You've already done everything you can to stop her from leaving. It's not working. If you keep sitting around on bent knees waiting for her to come back---- well that isn't very attractive to a woman.

Bear in mind, I don't believe in the MLC bull****, so........


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## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

Yoho said:


> I think it's to early to throw in the towel. Worried about the kids they are 16 and 15 and they need a dad that at home


They have a dad at home, they don't have a mother she's the one that left. Your making all the excuse many of us did to not act. The longer these situations go on the harder they are to ever repair. What's happening right now is she is learning to live without you. You need to show her that you can stand by yourself. You should file for divorce. Show her that separation is unacceptable. Either she will try to reconcile or the divorce moves forward. 

The longer you wait the more she will convince herself she's better off without you.


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## Yoho (Aug 28, 2017)

Correct me if I am wrong. I must wait one year before filing as I have proof of affair 7 years ago but I believe she is not in one now


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## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

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Yoho said:


> Correct me if I am wrong. I must wait one year before filing as I have proof of affair 7 years ago but I believe she is not in one now


This is all dependent on your state as each one the rules differ greatly. In many states that have a waiting period you normally need to get a separation agreement in place anyway. Talk to a lawyer and find out your rights and responsibilities in your state.


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