# Playing with the back door



## Dancing Nancie (Jul 1, 2008)

I have expressed to my wife that I really enjoy when she plays with my backdoor some. We have done this a few times, and I tend to have a very different orgasm this way. She has said that she is hesitant, and I am curious to see if other fellas enjoy this, and if so how did you come to like it? Does your wife mind, or even enjoy going there?


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## justean (May 28, 2008)

my H really enjoys it. 
It started of with me first for quite sometime.
then i kinda hit on the idea, it was his turn. 
in all honesty, i find this has heightened our sex life to a different level .


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## Dancing Nancie (Jul 1, 2008)

Do you guys use toys? We have a few, and actually bought a strap on. She used it once, but said it made her feel gay, so it got put away.


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

Dancing Nancie said:


> Do you guys use toys? We have a few, and actually bought a strap on. She used it once, but said it made her feel gay, so it got put away.


That pleasure still awaits me


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## Dancing Nancie (Jul 1, 2008)

That one was a top 5 orgasm for me. It pains me to see it collecting dust... Although, I do break it out every blue moon and strap it to a chair and have a seat.


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

I not only enjoy the play, but also prostate massages! 

My GF gets everything that way.  

We have also used a strap-on, many times. It don't make me gay. 

And she LOVES the feeling (of power) while doing me.


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## justean (May 28, 2008)

dcrim;22605)
And she LOVES the feeling (of power) while doing me.[/QUOTE said:


> :iagree:
> 
> as for toys, he aint got no choice.


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## Dancing Nancie (Jul 1, 2008)

justean said:


> :iagree:
> 
> as for toys, he aint got no choice.


:rofl:

I love that!


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## Dancing Nancie (Jul 1, 2008)

dcrim said:


> I not only enjoy the play, but also prostate massages!
> 
> My GF gets everything that way.
> 
> ...


So did she introduce that to you, or did you ask her for this? I am interested in using the strap on once in a while, but she has a hard time letting go and just doing it. Part of what I enjoyed about the time we did it was the role reversal. I have told her it's only gay if a guy does that to me.


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## justean (May 28, 2008)

can i just say and yes this is from my part not H,
but i am the one that seems to go into overdrive and find the role reversal a real turn on. 
some women have a bit of a phobia with regards to this. glad i havent.


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## Dancing Nancie (Jul 1, 2008)

It's very cool of your H to go along with it! Did he show hesitation on letting you do this?


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## justean (May 28, 2008)

no not really. i think because we had been doing anal sex for a while, i saw it as a natural progression. he just allowed me to go ahead.


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

We actually discussed it. 

We were discussing toys one time and I mentioned that I had a lot (for my personal use)!. 

She asked what kind and I told her (dildos, plugs, etc. all anal). 

She said she'd like to try them sometime and I agreed. 

At one point, we came across the harness and I told her I'd gotten it "just in case". Well, that was the case!  

From there, we got into prostate massage (very nice!). And I learned more about lube shooters (keeps the lube inside!) for longer enjoyment. 

I enjoy getting pegged and she loves the role reversal. 

We're looking into a feeldoe, but likely after the first of the year. 

And then there's the whole other issue of bondage. We both like it. When the other takes charge, we each need only relax and enjoy what the other does to us.  Not a TPE, but we both switch on occasion, but only with each other. 

And sometimes, getting spanked is fun, too.  




Dancing Nancie said:


> So did she introduce that to you, or did you ask her for this? I am interested in using the strap on once in a while, but she has a hard time letting go and just doing it. Part of what I enjoyed about the time we did it was the role reversal. I have told her it's only gay if a guy does that to me.


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## Visexual (Nov 8, 2008)

We bought a feeldoe about a year ago and I like it.

My wife isn't into roleplaying that much but I like to pretend she's a shemale. 

About anal? Well, we've tried it both ways, intercourse, and it's OK for her but I never really had that much pleasure receiving, and prefer vaginal to anal giving.

But, I learned about analingus from a prostitute overseas when I was young and have used that technique with most females, including my wife, ever since. Never had a complaint either!

~


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## American Arrogance (Sep 5, 2008)

I just wrote a thread abot this as this is a subject in my marriage right now.

I just found out hubby likes this. I never knew and we have been married for 8 years, I have found out 2 years ago but the way I found out was more of a gay thing than a hetero thing.

Im all for strapping on a dong for hubby if he wants that but he claims he doenst but yet he emails other dudes about sexual acts.


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

American, I read your other thread and agree with the responses there, so had nothing much to contribute. 

In this thread, however...I like being pegged. But only with my GF. I'm not gay or bi. I just love the stimulation. And this is a safe way to achieve it.  

And she loves doing it; loves the power, the feeling of being in charge. We both switch (as they say) but not constantly. 

If hubby doesn't want to be pegged, then what does he want? Oral from a man? Analed by a man? Or to be the one doing either of those? I'd think there would be some role playing scenes that might alleviate this situation. But, only if he wants you to.


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

i am attracted to playing with my wifes rear, she once liked it as part of foreplay but she doesnt let me anymore. it's a turn on for me to play with her, and now she doesnt let me. she has gone quaker on me.


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## American Arrogance (Sep 5, 2008)

dcrim said:


> American, I read your other thread and agree with the responses there, so had nothing much to contribute.
> 
> In this thread, however...I like being pegged. But only with my GF. I'm not gay or bi. I just love the stimulation. And this is a safe way to achieve it.
> 
> ...



Well after talking to him about it, he says he is not attracted to men but he was too scared to ask me to do that too him. HE said he likes it but doesnt know any women who are into doing that. Plus he said Im his wife and kissing me afterwards would gross him out knowing what I did to him....but yet he doesnt find it gross when he does it to me. Im just so confused becuase the whole gay porn thing has me thinking he wants a man. But he said there isnt much porn with women doing the act to men....But I told him about switch hitters but that still involves men.

But I told him I wouldnt mind playing that role if it means he wont seek other men.....Im just so confused right now. And to make matters worse we are both black so this topic is taboo in our community.


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

I don't know what "grossed out" means...does he mean after analingus (rimming)? Then don't kiss him. As for the male aspect, dress in pants and a shirt (maybe a tie) and then "take him"!


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## Guest (Dec 10, 2008)

I've obviously done more than 'play' with the back door. 

Just remember to always use lube people! And I suggest pelvic exercises too!


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

ok, "obviously"? Elaborate, please...


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## voivod (Aug 7, 2008)

mommy22 said:


> Perhaps just a reference to his homosexuality?


yep, dude's gay.


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

ooppss, yep, missed that. Sorry and no prob...


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## soulmate (Jan 18, 2009)

Gee, have you ever considered that he is bi-sexual and if he is, so what? If he is faithful inside of his marriage according to their standards, so what? And, pleeeeeeeaaaaseeee, anal play does not make you gay, (homophobic, much?). How come a woman can want an object in her rear and that is okay, but not a man? What about nipples? I love to have my nipples aroused, my husband does not. If he did, does that make him gay? Why were we given so many erroganeous zones if we are not allowed to make use of them. American Arrogance seems to be doing the right thing, she is talking to her husband. If she is concerned about the gay porn, look for porn with anal play by a man and a woman. Believe me, it is out there. I have had a number of conversations with men about anal play and every single one of them love it. Those nerve endings are there for a reason. If it feels good do.


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## soulmate (Jan 18, 2009)

American Arrogance, order a nice little vibrator that you can use on your husband. He will love it. Remember that you are dealing with a physical reaction. You hit it on the head when you said that it is easiest to find male anal play in gay porn. But who said life is easy? Find some good porn, or good stories, or whatever. Go to a "toy" store and both of you pick out something or go yourself and surprise him. You should be relieved that he admitted it to you. Change that, you should be happy that he admitted it to you. This gives you a chance to explore, expand your sexual relationship.


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## soulmate (Jan 18, 2009)

Oops, I see that you were referring to Alex as a gay man. I thought you were referring to American Arrogance's husband (by the way, I love the play on AA (African-American), nicely done) as gay and I thought that you were putting a negative spin on it and I overreacted. Sorry. Alex, can you back me up here with info that sex acts are sex acts. I wonder how many of your straight male friends are jealous of you because you get something they have always wanted?


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## snix11 (Sep 25, 2008)

wow. I guess i'm a virgin when it comes to all that. Would I for my husband? sure if he liked it 

just to see what wonderful sex lives you people have! wow


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## Guest (Jan 20, 2009)

soulmate said:


> Oops, I see that you were referring to Alex as a gay man. I thought you were referring to American Arrogance's husband (by the way, I love the play on AA (African-American), nicely done) as gay and I thought that you were putting a negative spin on it and I overreacted. Sorry. Alex, can you back me up here with info that sex acts are sex acts. I wonder how many of your straight male friends are jealous of you because you get something they have always wanted?


Hehe, no problem. 

For any men who want anal fun... three words:
Bend Over Boyfriend!


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

Alex, I have them both! It was great watching them with my GF! Woohoo!


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## Guest (Jan 21, 2009)

dcrim said:


> Alex, I have them both! It was great watching them with my GF! Woohoo!










Get any naughty ideas?


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## sarah.rslp (Jan 2, 2009)

In my own case my rules with my past bf's were that they could finger my bum to a certain extend but that they couldn't touch me vaginally afterwards, It was a hygine issue and I was pretty firm about it. The shower is the obvious place to do it. The actual physical sensation didn't do anything for me but neither did I find it especially uncomfortable and as its something a lot of guys appreciate I'd go along to a certain extend. A lot of guys think that somehow trying to get you *used* to a finger will make you more receptive to anal sex once you've cleared any misconceptions up though its usually okay.

As for doing stuff to a mans anus, well men have prostates so its going to feel a lot different for them. A lot of guys I've been with have like it to a certain extend.

One ex in particular I noticed fairly soon after we started having sex responded paticularly to me using my finger, though he never actually asked me to. He got quite upset when I brought it up in conversation, but he was a good guy that I liked and respected, the sex was good and he was generally a good bf.

So I got a bit pissed off with his attitude, I told him I didn't care that I could use a vibrator on him if he wanted but I wasn't a mindreader. As soon as I mentioned the vibrator it was glaringly obvious that he wanted to do it. But there was a trust issue, I wanted him to trust me , that I'd do this for him and it would stay between us.

I don't think he was comfortable with verbalising the whole thing. I got a vibrator and some lube sat on the bed, he kind of just mumbled ok and got on his hand and knees.

I actually think he might have chosen doggy style cause that was how I prefer sex. It was a good choice of postion cause I think having the make eye contact would make us both really self conscious.

The whole thing was a mystery for me, I didn't know whether I was meant to be all rough and assertive or what. I'd had anal sex a couple of years previously with another guy ( I didn't really care for it), so I did it the easiest way for a guy to do it to me.

He didn't give me any verbal signs just kept facing his front with his hands on the bed, I think he was really vulnerable but the only physical indication was when every muscle on his body tensed up. The vibrator was not ideal and I think it hurt him a little not that he showed it.

So I tried to reassure him and get him to relax, It took a lot of effort to get it inside him I just had to trust that he'd tell me if it was hurting too much. I experimented with different positions but eventually I kind of draped myself across him resting my head on his shoulders looking back at what I was doing.

The whole thing was really intimite. I talked to him all the way through reassuring him letting him know what I was doing. He never looked back he trusted me. I didn't actually realise that men orgasam from it so it took me by surprise but it let me know he was finished.

Afterwards he was like me after sex, he wanted to cuddle and have his head stroked, I felt really close to hm.

Like I said he was never great at putting stuff into words but the next time we had regular sex he made a special effort at cuddling me afterwards which I loved.

It kind of brought us closer, he trusted me enough to let me do that to him and that I wasn't going to tell anyone (which me in the army is a big thing) he appreciated me doing it and tried to show it in different ways.

Anywho I haven't thought about it in a while and I just thought I'd share the experience. I don't know how much relevance it has to other peoples relationships.


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

sarah.rslp-

Great post. I liked the explanation of his intimacy/vulnerability - spot on.


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## GPR (Jan 3, 2009)

guys don't want to verbalize those things because of the (and don't take this the wrong way) "Dude, I'm not gay" thing. No matter how intimate it is at the time, outside the bedroom, it's weird.

Compare it to this... Anyone ever watch the Soprano's? Do you remember the episode were Junior get's all pissed off at his girlfriend at the time because she was telling people that he would go down on her? It's kind of similar to that. There is a stigma attached with it that they don't want other people to really know about.


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

GPR said:


> Anyone ever watch the Soprano's? Do you remember the episode were Junior get's all pissed off at his girlfriend at the time because she was telling people that he would go down on her? It's kind of similar to that. There is a stigma attached with it that they don't want other people to really know about.



Yeah, I remember that episode. I think Tony referred to it as “whistling though the wheat fields” :rofl: I don’t think performing cunnilingus carries much of a stigma anymore. At least I hope not.


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## GPR (Jan 3, 2009)

Amplexor said:


> Yeah, I remember that episode. I think Tony referred to it as “whistling though the wheat fields” :rofl: I don’t think performing cunnilingus carries much of a stigma anymore. At least I hope not.


I don't think it does either... especially for the general public. But there are still cultures and groups that hold on to things like that now.


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## Guest (Jan 21, 2009)

Amplexor said:


> I don’t think performing cunnilingus carries much of a stigma anymore. At least I hope not.


In my experience, it carries less stigma then fallatio! :rofl:


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

Alex, not really too much new ideas, but a couple of variations, as I recall.  

GPR, I've never had the idea "I'm gay". My GF and I talk about things openly and honestly and bluntly. When she gives me a prostate massage, I'm on my back and she's between my legs, looking at me (when I manage to open my eyes from the wonderful sensations!  ). 

I don't have a problem verbalizing at all. Nor does my GF have a problem asking things. I actually had to teach her how to find my prostate. Just like I had to learn to find the G spot. We both discussed position, technique, duration, expectations, etc. And, the first time, what was working and what wasn't. 

Sarah, you might have him try using surgical (or rubber) gloves. My GF uses them on me. Similarly when I'm in her, I use a condom (mutual decision between us) and have a quick shower afterwards to make sure I'm clean. I also use an anti-bacterial soap, followed by regular soap. When she's doing me, I shower afterwards, too.


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## Guest (Jan 21, 2009)

Gosh dcrim, you sound like you enjoy it more than I do!


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

Well, you know what they say...if the er, uh, mmm...oh yeah, SHOE fits...  I do enjoy it tremendously, with GF.


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## Guest (Jan 21, 2009)

dcrim said:


> if the er, uh, mmm...oh yeah, SHOE fits...


hehe, I see what you did there.


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## sarah.rslp (Jan 2, 2009)

dcrim said:


> Sarah, you might have him try using surgical (or rubber) gloves. My GF uses them on me. Similarly when I'm in her, I use a condom (mutual decision between us) and have a quick shower afterwards to make sure I'm clean. I also use an anti-bacterial soap, followed by regular soap. When she's doing me, I shower afterwards, too.


Like I said it was with a previous bf, it didn't do anything for me sexually. It isn't hubbys scene so its all in the past.


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## GPR (Jan 3, 2009)

dcrim said:


> GPR, I've never had the idea "I'm gay". My GF and I talk about things openly and honestly and bluntly. When she gives me a prostate massage, I'm on my back and she's between my legs, looking at me (when I manage to open my eyes from the wonderful sensations!  ).
> 
> I don't have a problem verbalizing at all. Nor does my GF have a problem asking things. I actually had to teach her how to find my prostate. Just like I had to learn to find the G spot. We both discussed position, technique, duration, expectations, etc. And, the first time, what was working and what wasn't.


It's not all guys. My wife and I talk about it too... but I have friends that want to act more "masculine" that would never talk about it or allow it to happen because of that stigma.


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## Dancing Nancie (Jul 1, 2008)

sarah.rslp said:


> In my own case my rules with my past bf's were that they could finger my bum to a certain extend but that they couldn't touch me vaginally afterwards, It was a hygine issue and I was pretty firm about it. The shower is the obvious place to do it. The actual physical sensation didn't do anything for me but neither did I find it especially uncomfortable and as its something a lot of guys appreciate I'd go along to a certain extend. A lot of guys think that somehow trying to get you *used* to a finger will make you more receptive to anal sex once you've cleared any misconceptions up though its usually okay.
> 
> As for doing stuff to a mans anus, well men have prostates so its going to feel a lot different for them. A lot of guys I've been with have like it to a certain extend.
> 
> ...


Great post! It is interesting to hear this from your point of view. I will say that when my wife and I do this, I prefer to have it doggy. Not only does it feel better, but it also gives a complete role reversal. It's very intimate to completely give control over. I will say that the best orgasms I have ever had were from this.


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## sarah.rslp (Jan 2, 2009)

Dancing Nancie said:


> Great post! It is interesting to hear this from your point of view. I will say that when my wife and I do this, I prefer to have it doggy. Not only does it feel better, but it also gives a complete role reversal. It's very intimate to completely give control over. I will say that the best orgasms I have ever had were from this.


If you're going to do it to a bloke its easier if you do it from behind not just for the mechanics of it but because its just too weird`if you have to look at each others faces.

There was an amusing aspect to it, in that he naturally got into the same position I liked to be shagged in (though I never let do me anally) he even behaved the same way I do after sex, its as if he didn't know how to take it so just modeled himself on me.

Anywho the one thing I will say is that for something that didn't really take a lot of effort on my part he was really grateful, its kind of cool having a guy treat you like the best gf in the world.

Also if you do it, then keep it in the bedroom, don't mention it in general conversation, don't treat it casually if he wants to discuss it afterwards he will. A few days after I did it to him the first time he started to bring up in conversation that he found the vibrator I used to be too painful so rather than create a scene I just said I'd take care of it for next time, and again he was really happy with that. I had a small bag with bits and pieces I bought that I left with him when we broke up

Also it might be worth while in making it seperate from normal sex. In our case once or twice a week maybe in the evening, he was never in the mood for regular sex before or after so you need to take that in to account.


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## Dancing Nancie (Jul 1, 2008)

sarah.rslp said:


> If you're going to do it to a bloke its easier if you do it from behind not just for the mechanics of it but because its just too weird`if you have to look at each others faces.
> 
> There was an amusing aspect to it, in that he naturally got into the same position I liked to be shagged in (though I never let do me anally) he even behaved the same way I do after sex, its as if he didn't know how to take it so just modeled himself on me.
> 
> ...


This isn't part of our regular routine. It's something we do right now, maybe once every 6 weeks or so. We use a glass toy that has bumps on it. We have used other styles, but I have found that the texture on this one to be the best for me. The texture adds a certain stimulation that I can't quite describe. 

I am very open, and don't mind talking about anything. So bringing this up in casual conversation isn't a big deal to me. I do not tell some because I already know they wouldn't be open to this. 

As far as when it happens, and in regards to "regular" sex, I really like when we have regular sex before. If she finished before me, she is finished. I love to be finished this way.


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## sarah.rslp (Jan 2, 2009)

I think this is one sex act that people do need to think a lot about before acting on any desire to do it.

Its not just the physical mechanics of actually doing it, its how its going to affect the relationship. 

In my case it had pretty positive effects, I hadn't expected that relationship to be especially long lasting but doing that to him kind of bonded us, it wasn't love but we grew pretty close. For anyone considering it I think you need to ask yourself how you're going to feel about your partner after you've done it.


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## Junebug (Dec 7, 2008)

Dancing Nancie- The pyrex glass ones, I have a few and they are absolutely fabulous. I love cold things so we put it on the window ledge for awhile first. I have one like that with gradually increasing bumps and it is wonderful!!


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## Dancing Nancie (Jul 1, 2008)

Mine doesnt have bumps that increase in size. I would love to take that one for a test drive though!


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## Junebug (Dec 7, 2008)

You would not be dissapointed!!


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## brad (Jul 31, 2008)

dcrim said:


> We actually discussed it.
> 
> We were discussing toys one time and I mentioned that I had a lot (for my personal use)!.
> 
> ...


The lines between gay and hetro often are very blurry but I thought "gay" when I read your post. You seem to own quite a bit of "equipment" even before you got your GF involved. Sorry mabe I'm wrong and I very well could be. Mabe your just real open minded about your sexuality. More power to you if so true.


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

brad said:


> The lines between gay and hetro often are very blurry but I thought "gay" when I read your post. You seem to own quite a bit of "equipment" even before you got your GF involved. Sorry mabe I'm wrong and I very well could be. Mabe your just real open minded about your sexuality. More power to you if so true.


Brad, surely you mean bi, not gay, if anything? However, I think you are off beam with dcrim.

A lot of men who are secure in their masculinity and sexuality like to experience being submissive. Psychologically, there is a world of difference between bending over for a woman with a strap-on, and bending over for another man. Even though it might seem from the outside like an attempt to duplicate the gay experience, it is not.


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

Brad -- nope, not gay or bi. 

I've never been with a man. Of course, there's always the curiosity factor in that, too.  

A fantasy of ours would be for me to give oral to a guy, but it's not anything I'd want to do on my own (and not really anything we would actually do; it's a fantasy). 

And, btw, I have tasted my ejaculate (with and without hers) - if GF can, why can't I?  

None of that makes me gay/bi. It does, however, give me a wider range of experiences and a greater repertoire to draw from! 

I am a highly sexual person. Fortunately, so too is my GF. We're willing to talk about and try new things.


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## Uglee70 (Jan 2, 2009)

My wife is reluctant to trying anything new. It's a "no go" area for her...I think her way of looking at it is "why put the sewer right beside the playground".

It took years before she was comfortable even with being nude on the beach, which for me is totally natural (not a designated public clothed beach, but secluded and known only to locals).

But the "chocolate starfish" although I find it excitingly naughty and erotic is a real hands off area.


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