# Was told I was love starved by a woman counselor today.



## missionsman (Mar 10, 2013)

What does that mean exactly? Any good info on this topic out there I need to read? 
Thanks!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

That you are not getting the love or affection you need as a person. Or not enough.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

My counselor said the same thing. Basically what she was saying was that my behavior (affair) was nothing more than trying to find someone who would love me. Didn't matter that it was only sex... I interpreted that as love.

If you're starved, you'd eat garbage out of a dumpster. If you're starved for love, you'd try to get it anywhere you can. It isn't right, it shouldn't happen but it does.


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## SaltInWound (Jan 2, 2013)

I don't need someone to tell me that. I feel it.


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## COguy (Dec 1, 2011)

Do you find yourself "needing to be needed"?

Are you a white knight type? You like to be the hero in shining armor?

If so, I would recommend reading "No More Mr. Nice Guy" and checking out coda.org


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## anotherguy (Dec 14, 2011)

COguy said:


> Do you find yourself "needing to be needed"?
> 
> Are you a white knight type? You like to be the hero in shining armor?
> 
> If so, I would recommend reading "No More Mr. Nice Guy" and checking out coda.org


no.


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## janefw (Jun 26, 2012)

What kind of 'counselor' is saying this and under what circumstances? It sounds extremely unprofessional.


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

Are you still separated and awaiting divorce?


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## Kobo (May 13, 2010)

I assume you're paying good money for counseling. She should explain what she means along with examples from your behavior.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

COguy said:


> Do you find yourself "needing to be needed"?
> 
> Are you a white knight type? You like to be the hero in shining armor?
> 
> If so, I would recommend reading "No More Mr. Nice Guy" and checking out coda.org


If someone has no source of love, affection or positive time - they don't have to be a nice guy to be starved of this.


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## COguy (Dec 1, 2011)

treyvion said:


> If someone has no source of love, affection or positive time - they don't have to be a nice guy to be starved of this.


No but there's plenty of people in that context will do things to get the feeling of being "loved". If you're craving love you're more likely to put others before yourself in exchange for the payback.

I'm not saying it's 100%, it's why I asked the question instead of making it a statement.


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## missionsman (Mar 10, 2013)

Chris Taylor said:


> My counselor said the same thing. Basically what she was saying was that my behavior (affair) was nothing more than trying to find someone who would love me. Didn't matter that it was only sex... I interpreted that as love.
> 
> If you're starved, you'd eat garbage out of a dumpster. If you're starved for love, you'd try to get it anywhere you can. It isn't right, it shouldn't happen but it does.


I was divorced for 12 years. didn't date anyone but had a few lady friends, then I meet this beautiful woman but she was all messed up emotionally and it was a rebound for her. She was reciently divorced. I'm divorced now but am not desparate now but my picker hasn't been good. I am now seeing so many red flags and if a woman has an attitude it will probably be 10 times worse if you marry her. We need to get emotionally whole before we hook up with someone. I just need to be around some healthy sound people!


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## missionsman (Mar 10, 2013)

COguy said:


> Do you find yourself "needing to be needed"?
> 
> Are you a white knight type? You like to be the hero in shining armor?
> 
> If so, I would recommend reading "No More Mr. Nice Guy" and checking out coda.org


I don't believe needed to be needed but more like wanting to pour out all my love I have inside for that special one. I want to give! I had a dear old lady start takling to me and she said my heart was bigger than my body and the right one would come along.

I do believe that with my last Ex ( been 2 moths since divorce) I thought my love would heal her. She felt like she didn't deserve me and I deserved better. Lots of past hurts on her part.
You can't love hurting people like that because they don't feel they can recieve it. They have a fear that if they totally open up to you, they will get hurt again like they did in the past.

I ended up setiing some boundaries of what I wouldn't allow and it didn't matter to her, so i left. Another person was involved with her emotionally at the time and she pulled away.


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## missionsman (Mar 10, 2013)

janefw said:


> What kind of 'counselor' is saying this and under what circumstances? It sounds extremely unprofessional.


She talked to me when I ran into her on the street. I hadn't seen her for half a year. We got to talking and I told her what had happened and it didn't work out and thats when she told me if she could just be blunt with me. I said yes. She is right.


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## missionsman (Mar 10, 2013)

Kobo said:


> I assume you're paying good money for counseling. She should explain what she means along with examples from your behavior.


this was a freebie because it was out of the office. I had gotten back with my ex after I quit getting counseling. What a mistake!


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## COguy (Dec 1, 2011)

check out coda.org and try to go to a meeting.


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