# Wanting to try for another baby, but...



## bizzy79 (Mar 22, 2012)

Hello all,

I have returned to this site now after a few months of going away. It really helped with some of my previous issues with my wife (thanks to all those who posted in the past).

Quick rundown of my situation-

I am 34, my wife is turning 30 in a few days. We have a daughter who is 3 and a half, who is pretty much our entire world, and who we are extremely proud of- she is an amazing, bright little lady.

She was conceived through fertility treatment- we did this because I had cancer treatment about 9 years ago (which all but killed my sperm count).

The doctors always told me that there is always the chance that my 'ability' to make a baby could return, although there is always the chance that it may never happen naturally for us. However, we would both like to try for another baby now, and would LOVE it if we could do so in the 'normal' way.

So we have agreed to give it a go, by good old fashioned 'trying' (we can't afford to go through treatment again at the moment- we were lucky our our 'one free go' worked first time for us last time). 

The trouble is, I am quite HD and my wife is LD- and she is going to struggle to have sex willingly as often as we probably need to. Yes, we can work out when she is ovulating etc, but we also receive the advice that you should be making love as often as possible. Normally, we will have sex once/twice per month, but to maximise our chances we need to be doing things more often really.

I would love it if, naturally, the desire to make a baby in this way would increase her drive somewhat, as we both want this so much. I also see this as a chance to do some real husband/wife bonding. Plus, we never got to do the whole 'trying' thing before, it was all very methodical and mechanical because of the treatment she went through.

I'm not sure really why I am even posting this- I guess perhaps I am looking for some tips/advice (for want of a better phrase) on how to up the frequency if things go the way I think they will- i.e. her not feeling 'in the mood' often enough for us to make a success of this.

She is someone who really needs to be in the mood in order to have sex, she doesn't like to just go through the motions.

FYI- we both work- I work full-time, and she works part-time, both outside of the home. I do my fair share of the household chores- she has about 3 hours per day more than I do in the home.

If I can give any more information on things you may want to know, I will do so.

Thanks for reading


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## happysnappy (Jan 8, 2013)

The best thing you can do IMHO is figure out what her love language is and speak it often. The happier she is with you in the relationship, the more she will desire that closeness.


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## Code-Welder (Dec 17, 2012)

bizzy79 said:


> If I can give any more information on things you may want to know, I will do so.
> 
> Thanks for reading


My wife and I were not facing the fertility issue but wanted to conceive a baby to coincide with summer vacation and other factors. So after talking to the Doc we went at it like rabbits. It got to the point my wife would be done vacuuming and told me she had 15 minutes to do the deed. I was young and it was not hard but I told her I prefer a little more romance. well it did not work the first month. We talked to Doc and he said slow down, it is not a race. So we went out and got a ovulation test kit, brand new for the time.

We used that the next month and it worked. So it is not how much you do it, in fact as I recall in a call of lower sperm count every other day might be best. There are things you can take like zinc, and some other amino acids that will help your sperm. Maybe just make sure you wife is relaxed and ready for sex when she is ovulating. 

One thought "TMI" but stay engaged after you have planted the seed. Cuddle longer. My mother-in-law had to stand on her head to get pregnant the second time. She had a tipped uterus. Not saying to try that for your wife but it does help the boys get to the target.

Good Luck!


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## bizzy79 (Mar 22, 2012)

happysnappy said:


> The best thing you can do IMHO is figure out what her love language is and speak it often. The happier she is with you in the relationship, the more she will desire that closeness.



Thanks for the reply. In general, she tends to be more relaxed, and therefore more likely to be in the mood), if we have been getting on well, having a laugh- and most importantly for her- not to mention sex, which makes her feel pressured. The main problem with that last bit is I will feel like I NEED to remind her that we 'need to do it' more frequently if this is going to work :scratchhead:


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## bizzy79 (Mar 22, 2012)

Code-Welder said:


> My wife and I were not facing the fertility issue but wanted to conceive a baby to coincide with summer vacation and other factors. So after talking to the Doc we went at it like rabbits. It got to the point my wife would be done vacuuming and told me she had 15 minutes to do the deed. I was young and it was not hard but I told her I prefer a little more romance. well it did not work the first month. We talked to Doc and he said slow down, it is not a race. So we went out and got a ovulation test kit, brand new for the time.
> 
> We used that the next month and it worked. So it is not how much you do it, in fact as I recall in a call of lower sperm count every other day might be best. There are things you can take like zinc, and some other amino acids that will help your sperm. Maybe just make sure you wife is relaxed and ready for sex when she is ovulating.
> 
> ...



Thanks very much for the reply. I have the Zinc etc to take, and certainly don't plan to be at it like rabbits! The trouble will be though that even every-other-day will not happen, I would think (and be happy with) maybe twice a week to start with? So as not to have it become tooooo mechanical, but also have a good chance. But I worry that she won't be willing to try it even that often.

As for your last paragraph, very glad it worked for her in that way, but it still made me chuckle haha :smthumbup:


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

bizzy79 said:


> Thanks for the reply. In general, she tends to be more relaxed, and therefore more likely to be in the mood), if we have been getting on well, having a laugh- and most importantly for her- not to mention sex, which makes her feel pressured. The main problem with that last bit is I will feel like I NEED to remind her that we 'need to do it' more frequently if this is going to work :scratchhead:


You need to read Married Man Sex Life | How to have the marriage you thought you were going to have. By which I mean doing it like rabbits. to learn how to become more attractive to your wife.

And you certainly shouldn't remind her about sex. That's not sexy at all. Just instigate when it's time. And stop buying into her excuses. I seriously doubt that your wife is so stupid that you must remind her that you're trying to have a baby, which requires sex. If she doesn't want to have sex, it's because you're just not doing it for her at the time. The solution is to do it for her more often. That will up your frequency.

Good luck.


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## bizzy79 (Mar 22, 2012)

PHTlump said:


> You need to read Married Man Sex Life | How to have the marriage you thought you were going to have. By which I mean doing it like rabbits. to learn how to become more attractive to your wife.
> 
> And you certainly shouldn't remind her about sex. That's not sexy at all. Just instigate when it's time. And stop buying into her excuses. I seriously doubt that your wife is so stupid that you must remind her that you're trying to have a baby, which requires sex. If she doesn't want to have sex, it's because you're just not doing it for her at the time. The solution is to do it for her more often. That will up your frequency.
> 
> Good luck.


Thanks, I will try to get round to reading that!


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