# wife's sex drive / sex toys



## rao (May 21, 2012)

Let me start first- long time reader. First time post for me. Very healthly relationship with wife. We both had very strong sex drive up until last few months. Her sex drive has slowed to a crawl. Recently I noticed in her gym bag ( she goes to gym after work), a vibrator. She has been working out at gym for her whole life, has been in fantasic shape her whole life. We have never discussed her use of sex toys, nor have they come into our beds ( besides lotions, warming creams etc). Should I address that i noticed this toy ? It was complete accident, believe she forgot about it. I did not violate trust and go looking thru her stuff. Now I am very tempted to tear up house. I would love for her to bring toys to our bedroom but do not know how to address it ? Very conflicted with loss of sex drive towards me and recently found vibrator ? I do not fear her cheating on me, just curious with lack of sex drive towards me


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## flnative (Jul 16, 2011)

She's your wife man. Why would you be in trouble looking in her gym bag? No secrets supposed to be in marriage. It's a little strange having that in the gym bag. The wife and I go to the gym daily, never seen the need for a vibrator at the gym....


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## Aristotle (Apr 4, 2012)

Who cares if you looked in her gym bag, you share everything in a marriage in my opinion.

If her sex drive has dropped and she carries a vibrator to the gym, I would check to see what else is going on. Check her phone records or emails. I know you may be a bit timid to do this since you thought looking in her bag needed some sort of explanation, but I mean, my wife doesn't take her toys out of the house. If she is going to the GYM with it in her bag, then that could be another issue entirely. She may not be going to the gym anymore.

Look into it. Be proactive in marriage, a drop in sex for no reason is a huge red flag. Finding a sex toy in a bag that leaves the house is even a bigger red flag in my opinion. Maybe I am prude, but I wouldn't want a dildo flying out of my bag when I was reaching in it to grab my work out gloves.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Exactly. The only sex toy that leaves our house is my iphone. lol


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

People don't usually carry sex toys with them, the chance for accidental embarrassment is too high.

I think you instead should asking, why is my wife carrying a vibrator out of the house at the same time sex has dropped off.

Has she also changed her schedule? New clothes, more attention to how she looks when going out?

Is she protective of her phone? Does she use it a lot at home?

Cause I'm thinking there maybe something going on outside.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## rao (May 21, 2012)

Shaggy said:


> People don't usually carry sex toys with them, the chance for accidental embarrassment is too high.
> 
> I think you instead should asking, why is my wife carrying a vibrator out of the house at the same time sex has dropped off.
> 
> ...


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## rao (May 21, 2012)

No change in schedule, not protective of phone etc. As far as carrying one around, when I was in college I knew many many girls that carried them. Modern technology is amazing, some of these gadgets.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tjohnson (Mar 10, 2010)

I would tend to think that your W’s use of toys is most likely relatively benign. However, I agree with others that some concern over uncharacteristic behavior changes should put a suspicious hat on your head. Even the most astute husbands, close to their spouses have been blindsided after being warned on this site. I would take precaution to make sure there is nothing else besides toy use going on. Either she finds no other private moments than the locker room or her car to do use her friend or perhaps you may again want to wonder. 
On the other hand if your wife is like mine deep down she may be embarrassed by her toy use. My wife is relatively liberated in many ways yet repeatedly hid her vibrator use despite my asking her to use them with me, even though I knew she has used them in the past (even with me a couple times). Keep in mind as you approach this that if you accuse her of hiding this it is likely to trigger defensive behavior and not be productive. 
Hopefully you can figure out why her drive has gone down. I think that many women find the fact that they can get themselves off empowering. I also think that many may find (sorry to say) that the orgasm provided may be at the very least different or perhaps more intense. Plus it is no fuss no muss. If you both are busy and she is just giving herself a quick one. She may be just simply well served physicaly by her electric friend. I can see why you may feel hurt/left out if she is having solo sex in place of sex with you. It is conceivable she is simply enamored by the sensation of her new toy and may not feel comfortable having you see her pleasured by a devise that is not attached to you. While some of the posters on this forum may not feel this way, all women are different in this area. Many liberated women are still bound by the shackles of the double standard and are still not comfortable admitting to using a toy. Our “progressive” LOL US society last time I checked still outlawed these “obscene” devises in 7 states!!! Even if this has recently changed the stigma still prevails. 
For us it took me telling how I wanted to add some variety to our sex by having mutual masturbation sessions and that I wanted to watch her use while I did myself. Then I included a toy while I watched. So handed it too her, then whipped out my D#^% and started pleasuring myself. This worked for me as I think I was taking the lead . So my wife wasn’t doing anything “kinky” she was just being a good wife and following my lead. 
My toy theory number 2 is that some (perhaps many) women vibrators take them to orgasmic places that a human tongue, penis or hand cannot take them. Perhaps better or perhaps just different. They may not wish to admit this but, I think in the interest of sparing feelings this is the female's (some)dirty little secret. If you look at the posts on this subject you will see many women making a women’s vibrator “quality alone time” totally acceptable and even sacred LOL and men should leave well enough alone to me this confirms the validity of my second theory. Regardless, Keep a happy light heart and have fun. 

Hope things all work out.


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## rao (May 21, 2012)

tjohnson said:


> I would tend to think that your W’s use of toys is most likely relatively benign. However, I agree with others that some concern over uncharacteristic behavior changes should put a suspicious hat on your head. Even the most astute husbands, close to their spouses have been blindsided after being warned on this site. I would take precaution to make sure there is nothing else besides toy use going on. Either she finds no other private moments than the locker room or her car to do use her friend or perhaps you may again want to wonder.
> On the other hand if your wife is like mine deep down she may be embarrassed by her toy use. My wife is relatively liberated in many ways yet repeatedly hid her vibrator use despite my asking her to use them with me, even though I knew she has used them in the past (even with me a couple times). Keep in mind as you approach this that if you accuse her of hiding this it is likely to trigger defensive behavior and not be productive.
> Hopefully you can figure out why her drive has gone down. I think that many women find the fact that they can get themselves off empowering. I also think that many may find (sorry to say) that the orgasm provided may be at the very least different or perhaps more intense. Plus it is no fuss no muss. If you both are busy and she is just giving herself a quick one. She may be just simply well served physicaly by her electric friend. I can see why you may feel hurt/left out if she is having solo sex in place of sex with you. It is conceivable she is simply enamored by the sensation of her new toy and may not feel comfortable having you see her pleasured by a devise that is not attached to you. While some of the posters on this forum may not feel this way, all women are different in this area. Many liberated women are still bound by the shackles of the double standard and are still not comfortable admitting to using a toy. Our “progressive” LOL US society last time I checked still outlawed these “obscene” devises in 7 states!!! Even if this has recently changed the stigma still prevails.
> For us it took me telling how I wanted to add some variety to our sex by having mutual masturbation sessions and that I wanted to watch her use while I did myself. Then I included a toy while I watched. So handed it too her, then whipped out my D#^% and started pleasuring myself. This worked for me as I think I was taking the lead . So my wife wasn’t doing anything “kinky” she was just being a good wife and following my lead.
> ...


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Seawolf (Oct 10, 2011)

Is it possible that you may have interrupted her and the gym bag was a quick place to stash the goods? Might not have been at the same time you found it, and could have been earlier after which she didn't get it back to its normal place before you stumbled upon it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## rao (May 21, 2012)

No. Not possible that interrupted, have no idea where her normal place is in the house. First I knew of any toys . Going to keep happy light heart and have fun...trust her and respect her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

I just don't get why she's taking it to the gym.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

hmmmm,

just come out and ask her. shes your wife and you should be able to ask what the hell is going on. 


maybe something like........hey hon, whats up with our sex life? is there some type of problem? we don't seem to make love,have sex bump uglies anymore. I really need more loving from my hot sexy wife!.........then let her give you an answer.

I know I'm baiting 


when she says she just hasn't been in the mood latley and don't know whats wrong . Thats when you ask about her viberator. and act mad about her lying. Not about her masterbating at the gym or where ever shes masterbating. scratch that read that again.


shes denining you love as she takes her toy to the gym!!!!!!!

WAKE UP MAN. thats just not right. and you know it!

Put your foot down and ask what the hell is going on.

unfortunatly she is probly having an affair. vegas would give you 1000 to 1 odds that shes screwing around on you.

why because she can and you will believe anything she says.


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## Aristotle (Apr 4, 2012)

rao said:


> ...when I was in college I knew many many girls that carried them. _Posted via Mobile Device_


Indeed, is your wife single and back in college? It's not normal for a married woman to carry around a vibrator in her gym back, that's all we are saying.


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## adultlove (May 30, 2012)

sex toys should not be use alone!Your wife should share sex toys with you.Then you can know what she want!Happyness will come!Otherwise,you can go Adult Sex Toys,Cheap Sex Adult Novelties All in Yesextoys! to learn more about sex toys!


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## cpacan (Jan 2, 2012)

I can think of dusins of creative reasons as to why the vibrator is in the gym bag.

What bothers me is that you claim that her sex drive has lowered... I would say that active use of toy and LD is contradictive signs that cannot co-exist.

You can't rule affairs out and you definitely have sex life issues you need to discuss. I would rule out the affair first and then consult a sex therapist.


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## edgya1234 (Apr 10, 2014)

rao said:


> Let me start first- long time reader. First time post for me. Very healthly relationship with wife. We both had very strong sex drive up until last few months. Her sex drive has slowed to a crawl. Recently I noticed in her gym bag ( she goes to gym after work), a vibrator. She has been working out at gym for her whole life, has been in fantasic shape her whole life. We have never discussed her use of sex toys, nor have they come into our beds ( besides lotions, warming creams etc). Should I address that i noticed this toy ? It was complete accident, believe she forgot about it. I did not violate trust and go looking thru her stuff. Now I am very tempted to tear up house. I would love for her to bring toys to our bedroom but do not know how to address it ? Very conflicted with loss of sex drive towards me and recently found vibrator ? I do not fear her cheating on me, just curious with lack of sex drive towards me


As a woman, I can tell she will defensive if you confront her. I would feel ashamed and guilty. However she might react very well t you taking control. Look first time I said no to my husband - jokingly he true me on the couch and said honey I want you so badly you are not going to say no to me and "he had his way with me". Needless to say I wish he would do this more but I hate expressing what I want. I am a woman I expected he to guess if I live some hints here and there. Sadly he didn't guess and our sex life is down the drain because I pushed him away several times, unaware why, I just felt I could not do it and he, in his desire to show me he loves me , did not pushed the issue. Sometimes we just do not want to talk, we want the man in our life to be our own Christian Gray


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

edgya1234 said:


> As a woman, I can tell she will defensive if you confront her. I would feel ashamed and guilty. However she might react very well t you taking control. Look first time I said no to my husband - jokingly he true me on the couch and said honey I want you so badly you are not going to say no to me and "he had his way with me". Needless to say I wish he would do this more but I hate expressing what I want. I am a woman I expected he to guess if I live some hints here and there. Sadly he didn't guess and our sex life is down the drain because I pushed him away several times, unaware why, I just felt I could not do it and he, in his desire to show me he loves me , did not pushed the issue. Sometimes we just do not want to talk, we want the man in our life to be our own Christian Gray


Dead thread.


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