# Is there a double standard concerning porn use?



## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

Having been accused of promoting an agenda on an issue, I would like to get the feedback of the forum on this question:

"Do you believe that, in Western society, in general a double standard regarding a man's use of visual pornography vs. a woman's use of erotic literature in long term committed relationships?"

First, let's not invite the ire of the moderators and turn this into a debate on porn. I don't care what you think about porn. Try to limit the discussion to the double standard, or lack, in your experience.

Whether you agree with the statement itself, does your view of the (alleged) double standard comport with your view of How It Should Be If I Were King?


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Nope. I think everyone gets to decide how they want their own marriage. Many don't care and many do care, of both genders.

And yes, my view comforts me. People get to decide how they feel. We don't get to decide for them.


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## janefw (Jun 26, 2012)

No. As above.


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

To be clear, the poll question is not how do you think it should be, though that's certainly expected in the discussion. The question is how do you think it actually is, which may or may not be different answers - at least, they are for me.


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## TiggyBlue (Jul 29, 2012)

Depends of the individual person who was speaking against porn was reading novels themselves. If they are then yes I would say they have a double standard. From the things I have read from people who are anti porn they don't read novels so no I wouldn't say they have double standards.


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## MissScarlett (May 22, 2013)

Yes, to an extent there is a double standard. Not only is erotic literature more socially acceptable than porn but it is not uncommon for women to be encouraged to read it if it will make them more sexual.

On vacation (couples only all inclusive) a woman was lying by the pool reading 50. I doubt someone would have gotten away with sitting there watching porn. 

Having grown up in a conservative religion, though, I can assure you not only erotica but evn rated R movies were all lumped in with porn. It was all porn and all terrible.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

In my relationship, porn use is not an issue, so in my case, no, there is no double standard.

As a general rule, which is what this poll is about, yes I do feel that there is a double standard. I do feel that men are treated more harshly than women in general for their porn use.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

One thing I would like to see addressed is how many women use erotic literature vs how many men use visual porn. I have never cared for erotic literature and I don't know any women that do, but.maybe that's the nerd crowd I run with. In contrast, I know a lot of men that use porn. This is just my experience of course. One double standard I think does exist though is the application of these things; it seems to be much more acceptable for men to want their wives to mimic things in porn than it is for women to want their husbands to behave like a romance novel. And of course if porn causes a man to want a lot of sex and he doesn't get it, his wife isn't meeting his needs, bit if a woman wants more romance she's not being practical because these things can't continue long term. As far allowing erotica or porn to interfere by preferring it to ones spouse, I think both genders get hammered for this. IMHO.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

How about this double standard....adult men give young males porn and actually encourage them to use it.

Can't say I've ever heard the same happening with young females. Myself, I had to find the stash in the basement all on my own, whereas, my brothers were handed their own copies of Playboy by the time they were 14 years old. That double standard pissed me off.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

Faithful Wife said:


> How about this double standard....adult men give young males porn and actually encourage them to use it.
> 
> Can't say I've ever heard the same happening with young females. Myself, I had to find the stash in the basement all on my own, whereas, my brothers were handed their own copies of Playboy by the time they were 14 years old. That double standard pissed me off.


never seen that. thats pretty f'd up.


but I do know some moms that read romance novels and then give it to a teenage daughter to reed.


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## Created2Write (Aug 25, 2011)

It depends on the individual. As far as my personal beliefs go, no, there's no double standard. I don't agree with either porn or erotica, or romance novels or soap operas, etc.

In my experience, it's yes and no. I've seen women encouraged to watch porn by "professionals" to up their sex life as much as I've seen women encouraged to read erotica to spice up their sex lives. And I've seen porn recommended to men to spice up their sex lives too. And as far as erotica being acceptable for women vs porn being unacceptable for men...I'd say it depends on the individual. There are a lot of men who seem to think porn is come kind of entitlement, just like there are a lot of women who think that reading erotica is some kind of entitlement. In marriage, I don't think either statement is true, but I won't go into detail. 

As far as men and women being encouraged in their use of either one, I'd say it's about even. As far as men and women being shamed for their use of either one, I'd say it's also about even.

However, socially I do it's more acceptable for a woman to read erotica than for a man to view porn to certain degrees. Again, it depends on the crowd you're with. I've known people to think that a man viewing porn is just a man being a man...but for a woman to read erotica, she's labeled all kinds of foul things. So, it's a difficult question to answer. I've had to edit this post several times to alter my opinion. 

My basic answer is yes and no. Pretty noncommittal.


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## always_alone (Dec 11, 2012)

Cletus said:


> Having been accused of promoting an agenda on an issue, I would like to get the feedback of the forum on this question:
> 
> "Do you believe that, in Western society, in general a double standard regarding a man's use of visual pornography vs. a woman's use of erotic literature in long term committed relationships?"
> 
> ...


As accuser, I guess I should respond.

Yes, I agree that overall more women seem upset about men using porn than men seem upset about women reading erotic literature (or watching porn, for that matter, which they also do). 

But I don't think that this necessarily means that there is a double standard at play. Three reasons:

One of the main objections that women levy against visual porn is that it involves the degradation of real living women. I know that men will for the most part scoff at this, label it just more women's insecurities and tell us how rich and successful and happy porn stars are, but like it or not, it's a genuine concern. Women are warned from the get-go about men just wanting one thing from them, and are all too conscious of how highly-sexed women are viewed by the general public. Sometimes when they see women splayed out in porn for men's consumption, they'll feel empathy and concern for that person, especially if they have any idea what real working conditions are like.

Second, I think it's likely (I don't have real numbers, so you can call me out on this if you like) that while men and women probably consume their erotic materials at roughly the same frequency, men overall are much more likely to hide what they do, to refuse to alter their behaviour when they find out how much it hurts their spouse, and to escalate into cybersex, Craig's list trolling, etcetera. This is not to say that women never do this to men, just that they don't do it as often and so we don't see as many posts complaining about it.

Third, while men do often say that they just want their spouse to get aroused by whatever means possible, and don't care about who or what she fantasizes about, they always seem to assume that this is just a ticket for better sex for them. They rarely even consider the possibility that the woman might choose to masturbate over having sex with him, that she will prefer the fantasy and variety and tune out during actual sex, or that she might compare his performance or physical attributes with her porn stars. Yet, this is one of the primary concerns expressed by women: that their men are refusing sex with them, belittling their concerns, pushing them to continually ramp it up in the bedroom, all while he is telling her of his need for variety, for spreading his seed (or at least the illusion thereof), and so on.

On the flip side, men are much more likely to complain that women don't get to have hurt feelings about porn if they are refusing sex because they need some kind of outlet. But if it's the man who is refusing sex to his wife, chances are pretty good he is doing so because of porn, and so isn't likely to start complaining if she gets into it as well.

So, yes, there are differences. But is it really a double standard?


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

The definition of porn is very subjective. Some may say a boy looking at Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition as pornagraphic. Some may say a woman watching soap operas / reading 50 shades of grey is. I personally do not.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## FemBot (May 1, 2013)

First of all Porn does not equal erotic novels. Erotic novels is the equivalent of watching an erotic movie. Porn is not erotica.


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## Woodchuck (Nov 1, 2012)

Yes there is a double standard.....

When was the last time you heard black coc*s in white slu*ts discussed on the view.....

50 shades however is an entirely different story.....BaBa and Woopie, and the rest of the crowd gushing over it's naughtiness...

Katic Couric interviewing the author....

George Takei (Sulu from Star Trek) reading it aloud.......

The double standard is as obvious as it is hypocritical.....

Women do not feel threatened by the written word, even though those words may be demeaning to women.......

Women do not feel in competition because the visual "Meat market" aspect of pictures and videos is absent........Their body image doesn't come into play, so their "porn hate" doesn't kick in.....

Whatever the reason women give for "porn hate" the only consistent, and credible one is....Women cannot stand the thought of their mate being visually stimulated by images of other women.....Period........

All the other reasons fall by the wayside under even the most casual scrutiny......

Another aspect of the double standard is a relatively small subset of women who will not even allow their husbands to read erotic literature.....Though less a trigger than images, these women are too insecure to allow the written word in it's erotic form........

Desire for complete control of their mates erectile faculties being the primary reason......

the woodchuck


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## Woodchuck (Nov 1, 2012)

FemBot said:


> First of all Porn does not equal erotic novels. Erotic novels is the equivalent of watching an erotic movie. Porn is not erotica.


But many women have their "porn hate" triggered by "R" rated movies on cable TV......And yes, porn is indeed erotica, just in a visual rather than print form.......But again we have the double standard.....

This argument puts individuals to the task of determining good erotica, and bad erotica.....text vs. grapic...Hence Cletus's survey

the woodchuck


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## Woodchuck (Nov 1, 2012)

Faithful Wife said:


> How about this double standard....adult men give young males porn and actually encourage them to use it.
> 
> Can't say I've ever heard the same happening with young females. Myself, I had to find the stash in the basement all on my own, whereas, my brothers were handed their own copies of Playboy by the time they were 14 years old. That double standard pissed me off.


Wow, I never had the good fortune to have anyone give me porn when I was 12-14.....I found most of it thrown from automobiles, or in old abandoned buildings...Some guys have all the luck...

the woodchuck


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## Accipiter777 (Jul 22, 2011)

FemBot said:


> First of all Porn does not equal erotic novels. Erotic novels is the equivalent of watching an erotic movie. Porn is not erotica.



Pornography - Definition and More from the Free Merriam-Webster Dictionary


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

Whether or not there is a double standard..or any standard for that matter on viewing porn is not really relevant. Who views porn to gain social acceptance? :scratchhead:

It doesn't matter whether it's deemed socially acceptable or not. If your spouse is the one person on the planet opposed to it than you watching it is a potential problem. Or if on the other hand it's deemed abhorrent by everyone but your spouse than I suppose you're free to watch it.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

As someone who grew up in the land of free love (The Peoples Republic of Europe ) let me say that in my opinion America's view on porn and erotic literature is consistent with its view of sexuality in general. Put some aspects of it on a pedestal, usually the not so great ones, while demonizing it as a whole. Having said this, yes, there is a major double standard when erotic junk (50 shades) is very popular in written form yet if anyone dared make the exact same work as a movie there would not be enough X's in a print shop to use for the rating...

And, erotic lit can degrade or otherwise malign women and it is acceptable, even if you could buy it everywhere, but show more than a b00b or two in a film and hello X rating...


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

50 shades is currently being made into a movie and it has thousands of women waiting with baited breath to find out who is playing the lead characters, etc. 

"Fifty Shades of Grey" movie gets Aug. 1, 2014 release date - CBS News

And aside from the Hollywood movie, there are already dozens of straight up porn parodies of 50 shades that are extremely popular with the women who read the books. And I am talking hardcore porn here.

Who cares what the rating is?

Women will be watching the R, the X and the XXXXX versions.

They (women and girls) are already watching porn way more than you (many guys around here who think that women are less sexual than men) think they are. And this trend will only continue, until we are ALL watching porn and no one can cast any stones.

Is that good or bad? I don't know, but I know it is coming. The girls upcoming in this generation are watching as much porn as the boys, which will soon be evident in statistical data.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

I have never noticed a double standard in any of my relationships, so I answered "No." 

I don't read erotic novels and my SO doesn't watch porn, but I doubt that either of us would continue doing anything that made either of feel uncomfortable.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Violation of forum rules--polling and not asking for help with a problem.

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/sex-marriage/2459-sex-section-rules-please-read-first.html


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