# I was dumb, and now I am Numb



## thecqman (May 17, 2012)

Hello everyone. I am really confused right now and i was so desperate for some help that I found this great forum. 

Well to start of, I am M30 years old, married for almost 9 years (thinking about divorce), one son who is almost 6, and have been most of my married life.

Here it goes,
I met my wife when I was still overseas. We were dating for 4 months when I had to migrate here with my parents. In short I left her with a constant communication. Joined the military then after 18 months came back and we got married. left again for tw0 years, then she came over to Japan where I was stationed. Right after three weeks being there, she told me she was pregnant. I was a little surprised but what can I say I will be a dad soon. 

I came home onetime for lunch when i saw a message on the computer. She was chatting with someone. I found out that was his ex bf while she was overseas. of course I was really upset. the fact that I was working hard for us and this is what I got in return. Then I started having doubts about the soon to be baby. 

One month before her expected delivery date, i saw another message and this time the guy was asking about her pregnancy condition and how he was so excited about "his Son". I flipped out. I want to drag her out of the house but I did not. I confronted her, but the only answer I got was he is lying. I am the father. I dont want her to fly thousand miles on her condition. After giving birth, i am not sure bt since there is no real admitance from her, I tried to forget about it. 

Cut the long story short, i have caught her so many times communicating with this guy. I kept on forgiving her. I have warned her, that if ever i caught her communicating with this guy again, i will divorce her.

two years had past, everything was fine, until she had to go home so she can take care of her sick sister. Before she left, i reminded him about his ex-bf. and plus this would be a true test if she got my trust back. 

after three months, she came back. she was showing me her pictures then i noticed some pictures, which i believe she never ment to showed me. she had a lot of pictures on a very nice beach which she never mentioned she was going. and when i confronted her, she said she was with her sister. I did not see a single picture of her sister. and when i asked her sister, she said she was never on that place. After doing some investigation, i found out that she was with her ex-bf but with the BF's fiancee and friends. A group outing.

I told her i am getting a divorce and she needs to leave our house. She wont leave. and she kept on begging me to take her back. i keep on insisting for her to leave but she wont. and begging ang begging. there are times that I will take her back for her to stop begging me. 

Now here are my questions?
Am i going to forgive her? 

It looks like nothing happened between her and the guy, but she lied about it. 

What do i need to do to get her out of the house?

i need some to tell me if i really love this person why i forgave her so many times or I am just dumb.

One more thing. My I am not the fateher of my beloved son. I knew about it, but it is not his fault for him to suffer. I loved him so much. He is with his grand parents since his mother left, so I think this would be the perfect time for me to drift away. Right?

Sorry if it is too long and boring. I am just desperate.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Sorry your here. Please clarify if your wife is with you or with her parents.
If so then ya it time to start packing.

Once you can get away then you can let your head clear up and give yourself some time to make better dicision.


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

DNA test the child.

Contact an attorney and start the divorce.


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## thecqman (May 17, 2012)

She is with me.

I don't have to do a DNA. She admitted that its not mine.


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

You're in a sea of misery and will only get worst for you if you stay with her.

She has never left her old boyfriend and now never will. The child is not yours. She has hooked you in as the provider. And she will always have her boyfriend (the father of her child).


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

Contact an attorney just to see your rights, incase she decide's to ask for child support. Not saying you should give up the kid but protect yourself financially. Once the divorce starts she'll be getting evil advices to screw you over.

Change the locks of the house and kick her out. Have someone else deal with her.


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

CQ,

This woman has decieved you in the worst possible way. Not only did she lie to you, disrespect you and her marriage vows, she had you believe (for SIX YEARS) that a child she had as the result of sex with ANOTHER man was yours and made you care for this child, both on a financial and emotional level.

The dark force is strong with this one. I would divorce her as fast as humanly possible.

As others have said, we understand that you've raised this child as your own and you are the only father he has ever known. You should find out what rights you will have regarding visitation if you so desire. Please remember that the child is another innocent victim of your lying spouse and shares no blame in her sorted affair(s).

That being said, find out from a lawyer what responsibilities the biological father has to support HIS child financially. If he does have obligations under the law, be sure he fulfills them to the penney!

Also, find out who his fiance is (if this is the same guy) and expose his affair to her. She has a right to know.

Move on and get this toxic woman out of your home and your life!


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