# going down?



## deranja (Oct 25, 2010)

My wife is not a big fan of oral sex she feels self conscious about me going down on her and has always felt that way with previous lovers as well. I LOVE going down on her, i would much rather give oral sex than receive! (although getting head is pretty awesome as well)
She says she enjoys it and that it feels good, but is always reluctant to let me do it, how can i get her to feel more comfortable about it?


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## Idontknownow (Sep 30, 2010)

Give her some wine LOL!

I rather give then receive oral. It's a huge turn on to give it. But my husband also likes to give oral and I was shy about it. I would talk to me, say very tender and sexy things and that helped me become more comfortable and feel like it was an attractive part of me. Just being light hearted and having fun with is always good for me to. I have an idea of what a perfect vagina looks like and mine isn't it, he doesn't have that and loves mine the way it is! Some times him just saying that was enough of a comfort.


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## ayala605 (Oct 15, 2010)

my husband is the same way but i get conscious as well. i know how much he enjoys it too so i'm trying to relax myself now so that i can enjoy it as well. i think it just takes time...go slowly and be gentle. and each time u can continue to go on longer. over time she'll get more comfortable with it...emotional connection is huge when it comes to such sexual obstacles. she shud be able to let u give her oral easily by relaxing herself as well


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

My ex-gf wasn't comfortable with it either but she got "hooked" after I did it.

You really, really have to reassure that you like it, to the point you let her know it's driving you crazy.

SimplyAmorous had a good post here the other day - between being an erotic lover and being a sensual lover (if you could classify men and women) Probably most married men gravitate (as did I) towards being #2. #2 won't be as dominant in bed - more give and take and partner-like.

But in this sort of case, I think trying to be erotic with talk would help her open up to the possibility. 

Finally, how's your technique?

Are you a stud like me or are you so-so? 

It can be annoying to a woman (and a man) vs. erotic if your technique is bad.

I mean, it's okay if you are not God-like status like me but let's shoot for above average.


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## southernbelle (Sep 27, 2010)

I was this way for years...I enjoyed it and no doubt it felt great but I was just so uncomfortable that I'd very rarely give in and let him do it...I just eventually learned to relax and just go with it. I think it does help that I know he truly enjoys it and it isn't just a chore to get me off.


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## Sara Ann (Aug 27, 2010)

She could be self-conscious. For example, and this may not apply to your wife, I used to compare my genitals to those of the porn stars (they have labioplasty and more, google it). So I wonder if she is comfortable having you look at her vulva? Do you tell her you like looking at it? Does she feel like she is clean? 

Does she like you talking to her? If so, try talking to her sexy while you are down there. Look at her if she has her eyes open. This enhances the connection and is really erotic.

I agree with the others- I need to know he is enjoying it or I can't relax and enjoy it. For many women, the mind can really interfere with ability to climax. Believe me, I am the best example of this! I have been so close and lost it just because a thought popped in my head, like thinking it's taking too long.


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## 76Trombones (Jun 2, 2010)

Maybe she just doesn't like it. You may not believe it but there are actually women out there that don't! It's a personal preference type thing. Just like how there are actually some guys out there that don't like a blowjob. Certainly a minority but they do exist!

Maybe make an agreement - you can go down on her and in return, you will do something that she loves (but you aren't that much into). Relationships require compromise and sacrifice, and this arrangement could be great for strengthening yours!


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

deranja said:


> My wife is not a big fan of oral sex she feels self conscious about me going down on her and has always felt that way with previous lovers as well. I LOVE going down on her, i would much rather give oral sex than receive! (although getting head is pretty awesome as well)
> She says she enjoys it and that it feels good, but is always reluctant to let me do it, how can i get her to feel more comfortable about it?


 Boy can I ever relate to this !! Been there -felt that. Not sure how your wife was raised, what kind of beliefs, etc, but I used to look at certain sex acts as "dirty" - oral sex in particular - I blame religious thinking on this looking back. I was just never comfortable with this, it seemed too pornographic for me or something. I used to push him away- EVEN THOUGH IT FELT GOOD. *My mind was blocking my enjoyment*. 

Scanner mentioned somethinng above - just something to consider. If you are MORE VOCAL in expressing just how much you want to be there, how much you truly enjoy this, it might help ease her thinking. My husband was very quiet, I mean, he was busy at the time, but breaking the silence with a few hot words of how much he is loving it -MIGHT have helped me feel more relaxed. Worth a try. 

For me, I simply could NOT understand how in the world a man could enjoy such a thing!! So I guess I needed a REAL convincing at least. It was not until I got more educated in sexuality and overcame some of that false dirty mindset I was carrying around, that now I can thoroghly enjoy this expericnce. And love to do him as well.


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