# Play Dates And The Single Dad....



## Shoto1984 (Apr 11, 2009)

I thought it might be interesting to hear other people's views on this (ladies feel free to chime in as there were several possible places to put this). It's often the case that as a single dad I find myself having to assert my status as a parent. This typically happens in dealings with schools and dr's offices but I get the vibe elsewhere too. Recently my daughter (10) asked if she could invite a friend over for a "play date". I told her that I would need to speak with her friend's parents first but that we could probably make that happen. Apparently when the friend asked her mother about it the response was "I would never let you go on a play date with a man" My daughter was disappointed and didn't understand of course. In a mocking voice I told her I would never let her go on a play date with a woman and we both had a laugh at how absurd the whole thing was but I still felt bad that she was being singled out for have divorced parents and for having a dad who did not and will not accept lessor status. 

Thoughts?


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

Somewhere along the way, society at large seems to have mostly decided that all males are automatically suspected of having predatory sexual motivations. Your daughter's friend can't come over because her mother is afraid that you're a pedophile. My 15-year old son can't babysit because parents are concerned he might be a pedophile. In another thread here, a man was squicked out by a dad hugging his pre-teen daughter because it's assumed any affection between dad and a non-infant daughter must be pedophilic in nature. 

Yes, it's absolutely ridiculous. No, I haven't figured out what exactly to do about it. Other than simply being unwilling to play along with the hysteria. And talking to my son about it and how ridiculous it is, but that he needs to be aware of it and try not to be offended by other people's idiocy.

As for a dad having to assert his status as a parent, I can understand how frustrating that must be. I've never had to assert myself as a "real" parent, but I've spent most of my life having to battle to be seen as a "real" scientist, and a "real" host of other things that far too many people just seem to assume I'm not truly capable of. It's....maddening. I'm sorry you're having to deal with this.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

You aren't going to win this one I'm afraid. I was the token dad in PTO, playground, etc with two girls (wife too busy  ). I don't recall moms even glancing my way, let alone interacting... Maybe something I ate...


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## ILoveSparkles (Oct 28, 2013)

It really is sad that a man is viewed as a predator like that. I'm sorry this happened to you.

I am a woman, and I would have no problem sending my son on a playdate where the father is the chaperone. 

Could you maybe do a playdate in a public place such as a playground? Would that make the mother more comfortable? At least your daughter could have a playdate with her friend. Heck, invite a few of her friends to a playground!


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## bbdad (Feb 11, 2013)

I am lucky. We are happily married. I take my youngest to school in the mornings. I take the oldest to her dance/gymnastics activities. I am often present at many events for them. The other moms seem to have no issue. I have never had a play date cancelled because I was home alone in the house - wife out on errands or something. It may just be the area you are in, or it may be that the other kids families aren't familiar with you.

I did find early on that the moms at school, dance and gymnastics would often not talk to me. I guess it was weird to see the dad at all of these events. But as time went on and I was a regular there, they seem to be a lot more talkative and friendly. I think it is just a familiarity thing.

Because of what I endured in the beginning, I often encourage my wife to introduce herself to the newer dads that show up at gymnastics or dance events, simply so they don't feel outcast.

The public playdate is a good idea. I have been known to take the kids to the park for playdates, or go places like bowling, those ceramic places where you pay a fee and paint some piece of junk , things like that.

Just be involved and be a familiar face. That should help immensely.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Maybe it would help if I didn't look like the "proverbial practice suspect" according to my boss... Looking like I'm from every other continent except North America didn't help.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Yep experienced this many times where I had to stand up and be recognized as a parent or the parent. It's ridiculous that I have to at all but my kids are more than worth the aggravation of having to put a person or two in thier place.
_Posted via Mobile Device_
What has always interested me is that my GF never experiences the reverse as a single mom raising a son


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## Bananapeel (May 4, 2015)

As far as the play date goes, I'd bet the mom was sexually abused at some point in her life and is just hypervigilant. That stuff happens, and unfortunately leaves lasting scars on a person that influences how protective they are with their kids. 

I haven't had to deal with the issues you are talking about though. I have boys and at the Dr. office or at schools I'm far more assertive than my XWW and don't mind being an a$$, if needed, so I rarely get ignored.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

Shoto1984 said:


> I thought it might be interesting to hear other people's views on this (ladies feel free to chime in as there were several possible places to put this). It's often the case that as a single dad I find myself having to assert my status as a parent. This typically happens in dealings with schools and dr's offices but I get the vibe elsewhere too. Recently my daughter (10) asked if she could invite a friend over for a "play date". I told her that I would need to speak with her friend's parents first but that we could probably make that happen. Apparently when the friend asked her mother about it the response was "I would never let you go on a play date with a man" My daughter was disappointed and didn't understand of course. In a mocking voice I told her I would never let her go on a play date with a woman and we both had a laugh at how absurd the whole thing was but I still felt bad that she was being singled out for have divorced parents and for having a dad who did not and will not accept lessor status.
> 
> Thoughts?


It sucks for your kid!


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## TheGoodGuy (Apr 22, 2013)

Yep, I know exactly how you're feeling. My daughter gets to sleepover at her friends houses from time to time, and she wants to have her friends over to spend the night at some point too. There are probably one or two parents who have gotten to know me well enough to let it happen, but only because they got over that initial mistrust of any men.


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## Shoto1984 (Apr 11, 2009)

The irony in this is that every year I sign up to be a volunteer at the school. To be approved (every year) I have to provide a lot of information and a background check is done. (of course they never call me but whatever...) My ex can't pass the background check but if it's a play date at her house no one is going to question it....


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

This is really sad. I'll have to ask my brother in law if he's had this problem. He has two daughters.


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## lateralus (Feb 14, 2016)

I have 50/50 time with my 8 year old daughter. All of her friends who come over are children of friends of mine, so I have yet to experience this. However, as a bachelor single dad, I'm fully prepared for this to happen at some point regarding my daughter's friends from school whose parents have never met me.

Parents at my daughter's day care see me interact with the kids there all the time, and don't seem to fear me. In fact, one of the married mothers actually hit on me over a week ago. That threw me for a loop.

But parents of kids who don't know me? Oh yeah. I fully expect to hear, "Single guy with a daughter? Nope, not my kids."

Although I'm very pleased with my daughter's teacher. She has engaged me as a parent during conferences and at a local school fundraiser I took my daughter to. I highly approve of her. So I'm hoping some of that may be mitigated a little, but I have no illusions that the stigma of the "predatory single dad" will negatively impact me at some point.


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