# I just completely lost it ..



## kgregory1011 (Dec 2, 2010)

My husband and I separated last friday. He left because he needed to figure some things out, he needed to remove himself from the situation and reflect. We both love each other very much. He has anxiety disorder, depression and is seeing a psychiatrist tomorrow for possible borderline personality disorder. 

Anyways .. I had a really rough day today, felt like my world was being ripped out from under me. I said some things because I was so emotionally upset. I asked why he couldnt come home, told him this was killing me, didnt know if I could take much more etc .. 

I asked to see him tomorrow or thursday, he said we'll see and I freaked out on him. I text him and told him thanks for being an ass .. He couldnt answer a simple question. He replied that I was being over dramatic, he said we'll talk about it later, his mood changes day by day sometimes minute to minute. .. I know I was being dramatic, I was very very upset, like i said earlier .. it was a bad day.

Anyways .. I had a meeting tonight. I text him to let him know how it went, no response, so I called, still no response. 

Have I pushed him over the edge? Will he realize that we all have these tyoes of days or have I just screwed everything up? I am soo freakin confused.


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## blownaway (Dec 11, 2010)

I know exactly how you are feeling - upset, anxious, depressed, confused, all of it. But, my counselor always told me that if you want to try to get someone to engage and to get them to start listening, you cannot pull out your gun and fire. No matter how much you want to go nuts on him, you can't. People in that situation will not engage if you attack, they will either run in the other direction or fire back. At this point, you need to take a step back and try your best to calm down. I know it's awful and it is one of the hardest things to do, but you just have to try.


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

that's how i used to talk to my H, too. i had panic attacks if i couldnt get a hold of him. i would freak out. once i did get a hold of him i would cuss him out. it got pretty ugly. the last time i freaked out that way i was close to my counselor's and so i went there instead. he told me, "that's a lot of power to give one person." which amazingly calmed me down.


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## kgregory1011 (Dec 2, 2010)

He called me...

I explained that I'm having a really hard time with all this. It would be so much easier to walk away from this situation.

I love this man with everything I am. He is my best friend.

His goal is to work out his issues and be home within a month. 

Unfortunately mental illness just doesn't go away, Im hoping with therapy and some meds he can be stabalized.

I don't deal with change well and I am feeling very insecure and vulnerable.

Thanks for everyones input, I have been spending alot of time reading through these forums and they have been a huge help.

I don't feel so alone in this mess ..


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## DjF (Nov 24, 2010)

Reading here, just posting things when I get on edge...thats what is helped me a bunch...funny how complete strangers help more than the ones we want to be with can't...


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

kgregory1011 said:


> His goal is to work out his issues and be home within a month.
> 
> Unfortunately mental illness just doesn't go away, Im hoping with therapy and some meds he can be stabalized.


Mental illness does not go away.

Hate to be the one to ask, but do you think you can deal with this kind of relationship for the rest of your life?


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## kgregory1011 (Dec 2, 2010)

nice777guy said:


> Mental illness does not go away.
> 
> Hate to be the one to ask, but do you think you can deal with this kind of relationship for the rest of your life?


I've asked myself that same question. I go back and forth with it. 

If he is willing to go through the therapy then I will suport him, it's going to be a long road, not an easy fix. 

Hopefully with meds he can be stabalized. 

This is a hard situation because i do love him, it would be alot easier to end the relationship. I don't want to end this too soon and have regrets. There is hope for people that have mental illness.

In the meantime, I am struggling, sometimes moment to moment, his mood changes so quickly.

Right now I am focusing on getting through each day, even that is difficult.


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