# How do they live with themselves?



## Oregon Rose (Jul 1, 2013)

I know of a couple who have an open marriage. The man is a cuckold who is fine with his wife being with whoever she wants, as long as he can watch or participate in his small way. They have ruined many marriages because they go after married men and women. When the BS finds out, marriages are shattered. They think nothing of it. If they can get someone to go along with them, then all is fair and acceptable in their world. Are people like this sociopaths? How can they live with themselves knowing they tear marriages/families apart? I don't get how sex could be so important that all human kindness and morality is tossed out the window. Their own pleasure is all that seems to matter. I think they are mentally ill. Because of them marriages have ended, children are born without the "baby daddy" even being told she got pregnant, and lives are forever changed. Yet they are fine with what they do and they always find people to go along with them. Another marriage bites the dust. No big deal. What is wrong with them?


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## AngryandUsed (Jun 23, 2011)

If there are good people in a marriage, who will they go after? 

This couple is MENTALLY ILL, to be despised as such. They exploit the lack of resistance to temptations.


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## imtamnew (May 13, 2013)

Unless they are trapping someone into their lifestyle, I don't see how they can be called evil.

Everyone is responsible for their own actions. So any man willing to sacrifice his own wife for this lady, gets what he deserves.
This couple is not at fault for that man's shortcomings.


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## TimesOfChange (Mar 20, 2013)

Everyone has the choice to say "NO" and to walk away, from such people.
Evil knows the face of evil, every good man or woman will despise them.
So i'd say the cause of those people cheating with them has already been there before they appeared on the scene.
It's just an opportunity but that does not excuse that couples actions.


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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

Assuming this post is real....

Unless they are kidnapping people and forcing them to do things against there will they really aren't doing anything wrong. Just because they "go after" you doesn't mean you have to join in. 

I'm really not sure why this would be appealing to anyone. For some reason I have a mental picture in my head of a dude dressed in a gimp costume while he watches his old lady get it own with random people. Creepy stuff.


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## LostViking (Mar 26, 2013)

Look at Bonnie and Clyde...two sociopaths who stumbled into one another and fed off each other's sick proclivities. 

It is bad enough when you are a disfunctional individual who has no problem living a completely selfish life, but if you meet another person just like you, then there is a dangerous synergy there. The total becomes greater than the sum of the parts.


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## Rugs (Apr 12, 2013)

I don't blame the women who my husband cheated with. I put ALL the blame on my husband. God only knows what he told them. 

HE chose to cheat.


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## Rottdad42 (Nov 26, 2012)

It's a disgusting life which results in destroyed marriages. Marriage is hard enough to navigate, and then add a dash of intentional stupidity.I never understand why people intentionally sabotage their marriage, because they want to try something different. If that's the case take up rock climbing, or rv'ing anything other than that. Me personally, nobody and I mean "nobody" touches my wife but me and vice versa.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

You might want to post the two of them of cheaterville as a warning to others.


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## Vanguard (Jul 27, 2011)

For the same reason Beltschazzer wanted to use the artifacts from the Israelite Temple for his party- because it's wrong, and he knew it was wrong, and wanted to thumb his nose at God and His people. These people know what they're doing is wrong, and that's precisely why they want to do it. 

Beltschazzer saw the writing on the wall; however most people today are not afforded such a blessing. Fine with me.


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## SomedayDig (Jul 17, 2012)

Oregon Rose said:


> I know of a couple who have an open marriage. The man is a cuckold who is fine with his wife being with whoever she wants, as long as he can watch or participate in his small way. They have ruined many marriages because they go after married men and women. When the BS finds out, marriages are shattered. They think nothing of it. If they can get someone to go along with them, then all is fair and acceptable in their world. Are people like this sociopaths? How can they live with themselves knowing they tear marriages/families apart? I don't get how sex could be so important that all human kindness and morality is tossed out the window. Their own pleasure is all that seems to matter. I think they are mentally ill. Because of them marriages have ended, children are born without the "baby daddy" even being told she got pregnant, and lives are forever changed. Yet they are fine with what they do and they always find people to go along with them. Another marriage bites the dust. No big deal. What is wrong with them?


I don't buy the story. An open marriage is not at all what you're describing. An open marriage is an arrangement where the 2 who are married are allowed to go solo with whomever they wish. It's not about a husband being a cuckold or whatever else your story wants to create. Heck, it's not even about swingers. Go find another board.


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## Oregon Rose (Jul 1, 2013)

Reformed Hubby, I assure you this post is real. I became their victim when the man in this situation went after my STBX and brought him into their sick lifestyle. My STBX was more than happy to go along with them. I do blame him most of all. He should have been man enough to walk away, but decided instead of have an A with them. Absolutely the cheating spouse is most to blame. My question was mostly about why people would continue this lifestyle knowing their actions continually destroy marriages. If they know that and continue, does that not make them sociopaths? There doesn't seem to be any moral values or concern for others on their part. Obviously, the CS is even worse than them for easily being sucked in. I have thought about posting them on Cheaterville. All three. My STBX now regrets his part, but he has shown his true colors. I don't believe a word that comes out of his mouth. Divorce from me will free him to live the lifestyle he has shown he enjoys. He can be one of them and I will gladly be miles and miles away and FREE of them all.


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## SomedayDig (Jul 17, 2012)

I would be willing to bet dollars to dimes that your husband was the one who found THEM and not the other way around.


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## Harken Banks (Jun 12, 2012)

SomedayDig said:


> I would be willing to bet dollars to dimes that your husband was the one who found THEM and not the other way around.


I don't know. There has been some of this in our community, among our friends, and at least 1 marriage and family with you children blown apart by it. Country club, beautiful houses, beautiful cars, professionals, . . . poof! The husband, an orthodontist seems to be OK with his wife, also an orthodontist, sucking other women's husband's ****s for fun. From what I have seen and learned over the past 24 months, I am pretty sure there is a lot of this going on and around.


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## Oregon Rose (Jul 1, 2013)

SomedayDig - No, they came to him. How do I know? I confronted all three of them after their A was exposed and they all confirmed it. No big deal - just sex they said. Maybe open marriage isn't what it's called. I don't really know. They have a marriage where the guy can't perform well and the wife is somewhat of a nympho. The husband allows her to be with whoever she wants, but he has to know about it. No secrets. As long as he knows, it's okay. In the case of my STBX, the man was involved too and there was 3-way sex. STBX told me all about it, as did they when I asked. The man will hire men to give his wife gang bangs and they go to sex clubs. They brag about it. I'm sorry if you don't believe me or whatever your problems are with it, but it's true and they effectively all 3 ended my marriage. I never wanted to know people could be so cold. I found out anyway. Welcome to the world.


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## Harken Banks (Jun 12, 2012)

Make that 2. I as I was hitting "post" I remembered another. This wife a therapist.


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## Oregon Rose (Jul 1, 2013)

Harken Banks - Yes, I found that to be true as well. When it happens, you are in a state of shock. Then you find out it really is not all that uncommon. You hear stories about other's similar experiences and you then you have to wonder how you ended up with this CS and how people can be so cold. The idea of marriage is forever ruined and life as you knew it is forever changed in a gross and cold way.


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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

Oregon Rose said:


> SomedayDig - No, they came to him. How do I know? I confronted all three of them after their A was exposed and they all confirmed it. No big deal - just sex they said. Maybe open marriage isn't what it's called. I don't really know. They have a marriage where the guy can't perform well and the wife is somewhat of a nympho. The husband allows her to be with whoever she wants, but he has to know about it. No secrets. As long as he knows, it's okay. In the case of my STBX, the man was involved too and there was 3-way sex. STBX told me all about it, as did they when I asked. The man will hire men to give his wife gang bangs and they go to sex clubs. They brag about it. I'm sorry if you don't believe me or whatever your problems are with it, but it's true and they effectively all 3 ended my marriage. I never wanted to know people could be so cold. I found out anyway. Welcome to the world.


I apologize for not believing you. I didn't know your husband was directly involved. I don't know what to say really.


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## SomedayDig (Jul 17, 2012)

Oregon Rose said:


> SomedayDig - No, they came to him. How do I know? I confronted all three of them after their A was exposed and they all confirmed it. No big deal - just sex they said. Maybe open marriage isn't what it's called. I don't really know. They have a marriage where the guy can't perform well and the wife is somewhat of a nympho. The husband allows her to be with whoever she wants, but he has to know about it. No secrets. As long as he knows, it's okay. In the case of my STBX, the man was involved too and there was 3-way sex. STBX told me all about it, as did they when I asked. The man will hire men to give his wife gang bangs and they go to sex clubs. They brag about it. I'm sorry if you don't believe me or whatever your problems are with it, but it's true and they effectively all 3 ended my marriage. I never wanted to know people could be so cold. I found out anyway. Welcome to the world.


Oh, I don't have problems with it except that I don't think it was just this couple actively searching out your husband. I'm simply saying I'd be willing to bet that he found them or at the very least it was a mutual meet up - like Craigslist or something.


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

Oregon Rose said:


> I know of a couple who have an open marriage. The man is a cuckold who is fine with his wife being with whoever she wants, as long as he can watch or participate in his small way. They have ruined many marriages because they go after married men and women. When the BS finds out, marriages are shattered. They think nothing of it. If they can get someone to go along with them, then all is fair and acceptable in their world. Are people like this sociopaths? How can they live with themselves knowing they tear marriages/families apart? I don't get how sex could be so important that all human kindness and morality is tossed out the window. Their own pleasure is all that seems to matter. I think they are mentally ill. Because of them marriages have ended, children are born without the "baby daddy" even being told she got pregnant, and lives are forever changed. Yet they are fine with what they do and they always find people to go along with them. Another marriage bites the dust. No big deal. What is wrong with them?


Did not seem real to me at first either


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## SomedayDig (Jul 17, 2012)

Harken Banks said:


> I don't know. There has been some of this in our community, among our friends, and at least 1 marriage and family with you children blown apart by it. Country club, beautiful houses, beautiful cars, professionals, . . . poof! The husband, an orthodontist seems to be OK with his wife, also an orthodontist, sucking other women's husband's ****s for fun. From what I have seen and learned over the past 24 months, I am pretty sure there is a lot of this going on and around.


Oh, it's not that I _don't_ believe that stuff goes on. I'm just not buying what the OP's husband is selling. He, I would almost guarantee, was actively searching for it.


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

SomedayDig said:


> Oh, I don't have problems with it except that I don't think it was just this couple actively searching out your husband. I'm simply saying I'd be willing to bet that he found them or at the very least it was a mutual meet up - like Craigslist or something.


When I suspected that my wife was fooling around with multiple men earilier some here on TAM suggested that I look on Craigslist to see if my wife was hooking up that way. I had no clue what people post there. It is eye opening and yes there were couples that posted similar situations. Can't say if these are scammers or not but people do post these types of arraignments.


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

SomedayDig said:


> Oh, it's not that I _don't_ believe that stuff goes on. I'm just not buying what the OP's husband is selling. He, I would almost guarantee, was actively searching for it.


:iagree::iagree::iagree:


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## LostViking (Mar 26, 2013)

I knew a couple a long time ago who were into swinging. They asked me to join in on a threesome and, needless to say, I declined. I also avoided them like the plague after that. I felt bad because on the surface they seemed like such nice normal people. If you had just met them you would never imagine they would be into freaky things like that. They were not particularly attractive people. They had kids. It blew my mind when they asked me. I guess because I am European that they thought I would go along. LOL!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Harken Banks (Jun 12, 2012)

*It blew my mind when they asked me. I guess because I am Scandinavian*


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## Squeakr (May 1, 2013)

I agree is is a strange and generally non-accepted lifestyle, some would say sick, but it was just as much your husband's responsibility as theirs. To say how can they do this and live with themselves, is no different than to say and think the the same thing about anyone that cheats. They make the informed decision to engage in the activity with someone that is involved, knowing that they will be destroying something (relationship, family, etc) yet they continue through with it no hesitation, remorse, guilt, or regret. Lots even feel justified in their actions (and this could be the case, as they don't find it wrong and your H didn't have to participate. He is an adult and made the decision on his own, so he is ultimately the responsible party whether he was pursued or not as the end choice was his.) I would think that the lifestyle they live is no different to them than some of the polygamy and religious polygamy lifestyles or some of the middle eastern lifestyles where men have many wives (they don't find it strange or abnormal), we in the western society have different morals and standards and view sex in a different way.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

One thing I know about folks in that lifestyle is they do worry about widespread public exposure of their lifestyle.

You real should help them get over their fear by exposing it for them.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Squeakr said:


> I agree is is a strange and generally non-accepted lifestyle, some would say sick, but it was just as much your husband's responsibility as theirs. To say how can they do this and live with themselves, is no different than to say and think the the same thing about anyone that cheats. They make the informed decision to engage in the activity with someone that is involved, knowing that they will be destroying something (relationship, family, etc) yet they continue through with it no hesitation, remorse, guilt, or regret. Lots even feel justified in their actions (and this could be the case, as they don't find it wrong and your H didn't have to participate. He is an adult and made the decision on his own, so he is ultimately the responsible party whether he was pursued or not as the end choice was his.) * I would think that the lifestyle they live is no different to them than some of the polygamy and religious polygamy lifestyles *or some of the middle eastern lifestyles where men have many wives (they don't find it strange or abnormal), we in the western society have different morals and standards and view sex in a different way.


Yes. It is actually very different. What they go for is cuckoldry, not polygamy.


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## Labcoat (Aug 12, 2012)

As the affair website says, "life is short...'

To which I reply, yeah life is short, so why the hell would I want to live it as an experiment and run the risk of shortening it? It be much easier to live my short life on the model practiced by pretty much all my ancestors over the past 1,000. Why do I need to revisit the failed life experiments of the ancient world prior to that by engaging in hedonistic silliness like these people?


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## Squeakr (May 1, 2013)

MattMatt said:


> Yes. It is actually very different. What they go for is cuckoldry, not polygamy.


Polygamy in the broad socialogical sense means "multiple marriage". Since very few societies allow this it is more a theoretical marriage and therefor not much different than cuckoldry carried on in a long term setting. Cuckoldry is in modern times more of a fetish, but it has more to it than was described in the first post. What was described in the first post could be also considered more of a three way sexual encounter, which I think is also a demented practice but who am I to judge. What differentiates between polygamy, cuckoldry, orgy, or gang bang? A very fine line I say, so to me they are not that much different in the grand scheme of things.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Labcoat (Aug 12, 2012)

Squeakr said:


> Polygamy in the broad socialogical sense means "multiple marriage". Since very few societies allow this it is more a theoretical marriage and therefor not much different than cuckoldry carried on in a long term setting. Cuckoldry is in modern times more of a fetish, but it has more to it than was described in the first post. What was described in the first post could be also considered more of a three way sexual encounter, which I think is also a demented practice but who am I to judge. What differentiates between polygamy, cuckoldry, orgy, or gang bang? A very fine line I say, so to me they are not that much different in the grand scheme of things.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Right, but I think his point is that there's a difference between fetish polygamy and religious polygamy. Both are failed lifestyle experiments that had to have taken place at some point in human history. With religious polygamy there is, at least, some evidence that it worked for a brief while.


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## Unaware (Jan 7, 2013)

Rugs said:


> I don't blame the women who my husband cheated with. I put ALL the blame on my husband. God only knows what he told them.
> 
> HE chose to cheat.


I have been the Unwilling OW twice but I know of OW that pursue Married men, in that case I feel that both parties are at fault


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