# Do you feel like it would be easier to just start over with someone new?



## Daisy10 (Nov 10, 2013)

You know, when the marital problems just pile up and are unresolved. I often get the feeling that some people divorce for this reason. What do you think?


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## ReGroup (Dec 6, 2012)

When you don't Learn how to deal with unresolved issues from the past you can best believe that when they creep up again with your new companion - history will most likely repeat itself.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Daisy10 (Nov 10, 2013)

ReGroup said:


> When you don't Learn how to deal with unresolved issues from the past you can best believe that when they creep up again with your new companion - history will most likely repeat itself.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Fair enough, but I didn't make this thread to criticize it or wish bad things on them. I was just curious if some people think this way.


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## zookeeper (Oct 2, 2012)

In my case, it would absolutely be easier. My wife has fundamental issues with trust and anger that can be traced back to childhood sexual abuse and many years of family ambivalence. No doubt, many of the problems I have with her would not be present if I was with a woman who did not suffer such trauma. I freely admit that I bring my own issue to the marriage, but her fundamental inability to trust is probably at the root of the major marital problems. Yes, the way I react to it often exacerbates things, but the fact is that if you take the trust issues away there would be nothing for me to react poorly to.

Regardless, I stay and work on it. I know I can't do it forever, but I'm still here right now. The fact that I stay may be a symptom of my own dysfunction, but I'm willing to endure more pain with the hope that she can make progress and things will improve.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

They can pile up, unresolved even if you've made a real effort to fix them, up to and including counseling. At that point, it's probably easier to start over with someone else - it was for me.


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## Daisy10 (Nov 10, 2013)

zookeeper said:


> In my case, it would absolutely be easier. My wife has fundamental issues with trust and anger that can be traced back to childhood sexual abuse and many years of family ambivalence. No doubt, many of the problems I have with her would not be present if I was with a woman who did not suffer such trauma. I freely admit that I bring my own issue to the marriage, but her fundamental inability to trust is probably at the root of the major marital problems. Yes, the way I react to it often exacerbates things, but the fact is that if you take the trust issues away there would be nothing for me to react poorly to.
> 
> Regardless, I stay and work on it. I know I can't do it forever, but I'm still here right now. The fact that I stay may be a symptom of my own dysfunction, but I'm willing to endure more pain with the hope that she can make progress and things will improve.





Married but Happy said:


> They can pile up, unresolved even if you've made a real effort to fix them, up to and including counseling. At that point, it's probably easier to start over with someone else - it was for me.


Thanks for answering. I kind of figured some people thought this way.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

Ditto what Zookeeper said. Same situation, wife was abused as child and will not deal with it.

Though a new relationship would have it's own issues, and the new partner would bring their own baggage, it would be _new_ baggage. 

Sometimes what is broken in the marriage poisons the ability to rebuild trust or find intimacy. The spouse may overcome their issues, but the other spouse has become so guarded or so hurt that they cannot build a good marriage.


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## hambone (Mar 30, 2013)

Daisy10 said:


> You know, when the marital problems just pile up and are unresolved. I often get the feeling that some people divorce for this reason. What do you think?


I moved on from my first wife because, in hindsight, she was never in love with me in the first place.

Every thing was hunky dory when we were dating but as soon as she ate that wedding cake... everything pretty much came to a screeching halt

She was unwilling to go to counseling..

In the end, she left me.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Sure! My wealthy XW and I had problems, as they were mostly hers. But she never addressed them fully either personally or before our MC. She was PO'd at me allegedly for minor money problems; I was PO'd at her for allowing her juvenile delinquent kids carte blanche with bringing their dopehead friends, their drugs, and alcohol into the home, and for not making them go to school. Not to mention all the money that she threw their way in getting them through their arrests for drug possession and county incarceration, paid out to the County, State, and various defense attorney's!


Then came that fateful March morning where she came into my study and laid out her plans for "a trial separation." What I didn't know was that for 1-1/2 years prior to this, she had been conducting simultaneous dual out-of-town EA's/PA's with BF's from her past. I didn't actually confirm this for yet another 1-1/2 years.

In my heart, I truly think I knew that I had married the wrong woman. And in answering the header question, I greatly feel that it would be far easier to marry someone more acclimated to my morals, and religious beliefs.

But she evidently was more atuned to taking things into her own hands and deceptively cheated to seek closure to our relationship, much rather than working out our problems!

For her, money could buy absolutely anything!*


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