# Reconciliation Advice



## SUZIWORD

Good Morning! I haven't been on in awhile. My husband and I have separated and have been apart for 12 weeks, until last week. Its a very long story, but the just of it is that my family, friends, kids all seem to hate this man that I love! What do I do? I am literally sick to my stomach, because I want to reconcile with him and start a new but my family is making me choose. Him lose them, them lose him. But, alot of that is my fault because I ran to my family and spilled my guts about everything from A to Z about our relationship, fighting, issues, hateful things he said to me (none of the things I have said to him though) and so I have forgiven because I know things said in anger aren't always meant. I know hurting people, hurt people. 

I just don't know what to do, how do you do this! My kids are grown by the way and all live away from home and have their own lives, which I do not and refuse to get involved in, b/c I know that if they have relationship problems one day the next day they will be loving their wife again. 

My mother on the other hand is totally different and likes to play the manipulation game on me and uses tactics like if you don't do what I say then I am going to be mad and not talk to you. I have always pleased everyone without ever giving a second thought to myself all the while hating my own life! I look for validation through others for myself and I am so tired of it and so scared of it! 

Its all screwed up!


----------



## Warrior44

it doesn't matter what anyone else wants.
The only thing that matters is what YOU want.

Stand your ground and tell everyone to back off. It's your husband and if YOU want to work things out. That's YOUR decision. 
Your married to the man and your the one who sleeps with him...not them.


----------



## Duddy

I agree with Warrior44. You've got to set up boundaries to protect your relationship re-building efforts. 

It could be that the negatives you're getting from family and friends are mostly expressions of genuine love and wanting to protect you. 

If you can build a healthy relationship with your husband, people who care about you will start to sense that you're safe and calm down themselves. They'll start to hear your happiness in your voice and see it in your face. 

People that aren't so healthy to hang out with too much, they were that way to begin with, relationship issue or not. 

Again, I agree. You have to put your relationship with your husband first.

If you were both so distressed about your conflict and separation, it means there's some real love under there to work with! 

Way to go getting back together after a rough patch like that!


----------



## drsparkle

You have to do what you want, what your gut tells you. 
Your family will moan and groan but at the end of the day they will support you cos they are family. 
they are just looking about for your best interests. You need to take the reconciliation slowly. Maybe just keep it quite for a while and see how it goes. 

Just tell your family you need to just work it through for yourself and you appreciate their concern but it is something you have to do and would like them to support you. 

Stay strong. Your family will come round in time if they see he makes you happy. Hopefully he will. 

Good luck. I am so pleased that you are having a second try. 
Only wish i could


----------



## F-102

Great that your working on R! If you really want it, don't let your family (whom you admit don't know the whole story) stand in the way. Unless he was being physically or emotionally abusive, (and no, I don't think things said in anger constitute "abuse") then I would say to evaluate what it is you, and ONLY YOU, really want, and go for it.
If it works out, your family, well, most of them anyway, will probably come around.


----------



## SUZIWORD

Thank you for your posts. Things aren't any easier, but for me and my husband they are getting better. Its funny the man that I know and see, seems totally different than the one they see or think they see. I have been excluded from my family. Well, its like this I can come but without him he is not welcomed. A person told me you still have children and yes I do however they are grown and I am not excluding them its their choice and if they have a function and he can not go, I won't leave him at home and go b/c he wouldn't do that to me. Now is that choosing him over them I guess in a way it is but I would not do that to them with their mates. 

At any rate, I realize that I can not allow others into our circle of influence it has to be him and I and what we can live with. 

You are right the people that truly matter will come around and the rest will fall to the way side, even though it hurts I know that I love my husband and want to make this work for us.


----------



## brighterlight

SUZIWORD said:


> Thank you for your posts. Things aren't any easier, but for me and my husband they are getting better. Its funny the man that I know and see, seems totally different than the one they see or think they see. I have been excluded from my family. Well, its like this I can come but without him he is not welcomed. A person told me you still have children and yes I do however they are grown and I am not excluding them its their choice and if they have a function and he can not go, I won't leave him at home and go b/c he wouldn't do that to me. Now is that choosing him over them I guess in a way it is but I would not do that to them with their mates.
> 
> At any rate, I realize that I can not allow others into our circle of influence it has to be him and I and what we can live with.
> 
> You are right the people that truly matter will come around and the rest will fall to the way side, even though it hurts I know that I love my husband and want to make this work for us.


I have the same issues. Stick to your guns, what really matters is you and your H. Your children will come around. It is the most difficult thing to love someone and after making some human mistakes that we all make and trying to make up (that is difficult enough), you have to also deal with external factors that are unfavourable to a reconcilation. Keep fighting those demons. Satan is trying to work his magic - don't let him! The issues and happenings with your family - I call them sideshows. Don't deal with the sideshows to the point where they will drive a wedge between you and your husband. Your family will soon come to realize that it is what your heart needs and feels that is important. Believe me, to them, it's not all about you right now, it's all about them. Tell them that you need their support, tell them that resentment will only divide you more. Don't be afraid to be the one to stand up and say something positive. Don't criticize or point fingers, just let it be known that you have a husband that you love and need in your life and that you could use their support to unite the family. If they are Christian's, they will understand; if they are not then they will have to learn to understand.


----------



## marksaysay

Always remember that when you got married, it was at that point your husband became more important than even your mother and father. Don't let the negativity of those on the outside derail you from your course. It's not about them!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------

