# Coping with wife talking to other men



## NightEagle1981

Well I'm sure that I might get mixed feedback on this one but it's nice to see what others have to say. So how do I cope with the feelings that my wife has conversations with other men via email/facebook etc. I've noticed my wife talking to other men and I've also noticed it's just small talk, weather, how's it going? Etc. I know sometimes thats how it starts, but she has told me many times she has no attraction to them. Actually a funny comment she said made me laugh she said the only guy she'd ever cheat on me with is Derek Jeeter of NYY LOL. But anyways should I make my feeling's known that it makes me uncomfortable with her talking to this particular person? We've talked about it and she's sick of hearing the same thing because she's told me straight up there's nothing going on.


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## Orion

NightEagle1981 said:


> Well I'm sure that I might get mixed feedback on this one but it's nice to see what others have to say. So how do I cope with the feelings that my wife has conversations with other men via email/facebook etc. I've noticed my wife talking to other men and I've also noticed it's just small talk, weather, how's it going? Etc. I know sometimes thats how it starts, but she has told me many times she has no attraction to them. Actually a funny comment she said made me laugh she said the only guy she'd ever cheat on me with is Derek Jeeter of NYY LOL. *But anyways should I make my feeling's known that it makes me uncomfortable with her talking to this particular person?* We've talked about it and she's sick of hearing the same thing because she's told me straight up there's nothing going on.


Do you feel uncomfortable with your wife talking to ALL men or just this particular person? I would say this, if you have questioned/interrogated your wife about her conversations and she has not given you a reason to doubt her, I would not bring it up again because you have said that she is sick of hearing it. I will also say that most women that I know see insecurity as a BIG weakness/red flag. Now, if your wife has given you reason to doubt her (i.e. had an EA, PA, etc) then your both need to go to MC or IC to get a handle on this. My fear for you is that you will push your wife away from you with this insecurity and she has done nothing wrong. Good luck.


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## Confusedanddazed

I wouldnt leave those feelings buried. One of the things that helps lead to emotional intimacy is honesty.

I would not talk to her about angrily. Im sure you are a little angry. However the cause of the anger is fear.

She is your partner. Be honest and tell her this activity scares you.

I would never ask her to stop. Real love is never about controling the other partner..

I would just be honest about how you feel. Be sincere with your feelings. I wouldn't attach a mental story or mental drama with it. 

However I would take issue if she tries to infer that your feelings are ridiculous or silly.

At the same time you should not be trying to control her she also should not be telling you how you are supposed to feel. 

A partner that blows of your emotions as "Irrational" or "stupid" is not helping. Those emotions are there and very real for you. Dismissing does not solve the issue.


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## bluesky

I don't believe in opposite sex friendships unless they are a friend to both.

This is how affairs start, if she is not already having one.


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## NightEagle1981

Well I know she is talking to an old mutual friend who is already married and she has said they don't talk that often but she say's she knows how I get. I dont think it's her talking to men in general it's that when I have to find out that she has made other guy friends and I don't know who they are. I mean the one guy she talks to on FB is mutual friends with her co worker who I've asked about anything that might be going on and I know she wouldn't stand for it nor would she cover up for my w if something was going on. As for the other guy it's a co worker that works at her job who I thought we had a falling out because he had cheated on his wife with our friend and my w took the fall so to speak. I have to be able to trust my wife it's just I think it's out of control and she knows that it makes me uncomfortable and I've told her that. I can't force her friends nor can I tell her to talk to. It's just she knows my feelings yet she keeps doing it. She has gotten better though when I ask her if she's still talking to them she said not too often, but like our cell phones had been down and I had to check the records for billing and I noticed that she was still texting the coworker. I've told her that all I want is honesty and I don't mind that she talks to them. I also told her that if she's going to be emailing/fbing the other guy then I need to know who it is. I've already made him aware that he best not be messing with my wife and he had backed off, but now they're talking again. She said it's mearly friends and she is not attraceted physically or mentally it's just friendship.


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## NightEagle1981

I have never given my w any reason for an affair. We've had up's and down's like any relationship and Ive alway's trusted her. We had an issue before which we caught early (sending photo's) which I caught early and I believe I had let that issue go. She say's me alway's asking about her and the guys she's talking to pushes her away and that it's old that I keep bringing it up. I feel that we keep beating the dead horse. Our therapist said that making new guy friends or emailing etc right now is not a good idea. But I see she is doing it but I dont think she's lied about it when I ask. I think the more I bring it up and talk about it the more she gets mad because she say's that she's never done anything other than talking. Our relationship though has gotten a lot better. I think she knows that if I really wanted to pry that I can find out anyway's so I think she isn't hiding anything from me.


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## Mrs.G

bluesky said:


> I don't believe in opposite sex friendships unless they are a friend to both.
> 
> This is how affairs start, if she is not already having one.


Let's not make accusations, Blue. We still don't know if the OP is talking about one particular man or every man. If she cannot even make small talk with strangers, that is unhealthy control. If it is one man, I could see his point.
I don't have opposite sex friends, because it doesn't look right. I would not be comfortable with my hubs having female friends. He is very introverted, so I'm not concerned about that.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## sonydude1966

Confusedanddazed said:


> I wouldnt leave those feelings buried. One of the things that helps lead to emotional intimacy is honesty.
> 
> I would not talk to her about angrily. Im sure you are a little angry. However the cause of the anger is fear.
> 
> She is your partner. Be honest and tell her this activity scares you.
> 
> I would never ask her to stop. Real love is never about controling the other partner..
> 
> I would just be honest about how you feel. Be sincere with your feelings. I wouldn't attach a mental story or mental drama with it.
> 
> However I would take issue if she tries to infer that your feelings are ridiculous or silly.
> 
> At the same time you should not be trying to control her she also should not be telling you how you are supposed to feel.
> 
> A partner that blows of your emotions as "Irrational" or "stupid" is not helping. Those emotions are there and very real for you. Dismissing does not solve the issue.


Cause of anger is hurt. No way she should be talking to strangers on the internet. She needs to grow up. And to say that she would cheat with Derek Jeter is wrong and shows her maturity level. IMHO.


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## sisters359

Oops. I missed your 2nd post. 

Both of you need to learn a few things. First, you--since you are the one here. It is extremely naive of you to think "you've never given her a reason for an affair." 9 times out of 10, it won't be what you've DONE, but what you HAVEN'T done, that leaves a woman feeling disconnected, unappreciated, and/or unfulfilled (or some combination there of). 

BUT--if your wife is ignoring the therapist's advice, there is a bigger problem. Her behavior says that she is not really trying. Does she seem to need the extra male attention? IF you've been working on the marriage in counseling and she's still feeling AND acting this way, she may have some serious self-esteem issues. You could be trying to fill a bottomless cup if you are trying to do your part in making sure you show your love, connection, and appreciation for her. Only you know how much you've tried to meet the needs she's expressed in or out of therapy. If you've given what you can and she's still not happy, maybe it really *is* her issue and she should be doing some individual counseling, too. 

What does your therapist say about the fact that w has ignored the recommendation? Was jealousy (on your part) an issue before?


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## the guy

Dude you already caught her once crossing the line with the pics...So the protential is there you know it and she doesn't. So tell her she can let you have her passwords to her accounts and she can deal with your behavior b/c she has already shown her protential to cross lines and its unacceptable.

You should not sit by will her guy friends continue to charm her into crossing the line again. Once is enough and trust is running thin with the reconnection to the guy you had words with. So you will not wait around for a EA to happen and her current behavior is leading her in that direction. Its that simple " sorry I'm not waiting around for an EA" 

It sound all inecent know but it will happen and she is doing nothing to prevent it so by by. Go find someone that will give you the respect and wont bash you for being concerned for your marraige.

14 years ago I let my W have her friendships b/c they were just friends and her anger at the subject was not worth the fight. I let her do her thing she was telling me everything. Well after a enough sh*t and I looked into it for my self. I did not like what I found. Right now your not there , but you will be soon

Do you know what my W said, after years of this crap? "I thought you didn't care, why didn't you stop me?" Well sh*t now that the damage is done I have a ton of sh*t to work on.

I should of stood up back then and told her I will not tolorate it and I can't stop you but I can move on with out you.. so you decide.

In stead I sat back build up enough resentment through out the years.. to not give a damb anymore and so here I am the guy with the cheating wife. 

This BS will snow ball on you if you don't show her what will happen if she continues. Pull the plug on her and she can decide if she want to stay or leave. Or sit and watch as the marriage slowly falls apart year by year. 

You will piss her off... you no that.. so how far are you willing to go to make a stand? Be prepared to hold nothing back.. she will tell you to leave but you know that you will continue to critize her behavior and if she doesn't like it she can decide to stop or she can leave. So let her know that you are willing to fight and she can get angry every time but it will not deter you from bringing it up every time she over does it. 

Right now you are so affraid to bring it up...chicken....push her ...push until she see how hurtful her disrespect is. Your so scared to confront her b/c she gets mad...well let her ..let her get mad .... let her get mad every hour of the day, soon she will have to deside what she wants to do. Stop and stay or leave and lose you.

You need to start acting like she is losing you instead of being affraid of losing her. Show some conifidence in confronting the problem. She has your number b/c she knows you won't confront her as much as you should becuse she gets mad. What she should be doing is cring b/c she will lose you if she keeps it up. 

Good luck on turning this around, it will get nasty, but better to do it now then wait for your wife to start laying down with these guys b/c she thinks you will not fight for her.


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## NightEagle1981

We did some of our homework from thereapy and we have written down our issues etc. Its not that she is hididng her computer and phone use its she knows that I'm jealous and honesty plays a role hand in hand. We have agreed that we both need to.be up front about things and that sitting on feelings and letting things explode later is not healthy. But me telling her who and when to talk to might be over board. I know she has Guy friends and she's told me that if she was interested in having relationships with other men she would just call it quits. I believe she is being honest and she has told me that she doesn't realize things like that bothers me because her emailing another Guy isn't cheating and she would tell me if the conversation went sour.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## sinnister

So she already sent pics of herself to men in the past? And now she say's your jealousy is "getting old"?

Go with your gut.


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## NightEagle1981

I haven't seen any behavior like that since that happened. As I know I've spied enough and I haven't seen any behavior that would lead me to believe that she is cheating. It's just her making friends. I know as much as I'd like to tell her I don't want her talking to other men I can't force her to make those decisions. But she is aware that it makes me uncomfortable and she is more understanding about the situation. It's not like I'm saying "Your not allowed to talk to any other man" it's I just like to know who she's talking to.


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## Latigo

NightEagle1981,
I would be interested in hearing how your situation is going now. I am dealing with this issue myself. I am also dealing with some jealousy issues. I take a more hardline approach. Some may say it's controlling. To each their own.


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## alphaomega

Affaircare from this site gave a good example of the difference between controlling behavior and standing up to your boundaries.

Controlling behavior: "you can't talk to these men anymore"

Standing up to your boundaries: "Look. You can talk to these men all you want. But if you continue to disregard my feelings and shrug them off as immature or irrelevant, then by all means keep doing what you are doing. In the meantime, if you do continue to disrespect my opinions or thoughts by your continued actions, then I should tell you that I will then have to decide myself whether or not I wish to remain in a relationship with someone that holds so little regard for my feelings."

Don't be scared to state your boundaries. If you are scared, your wife will see this as weakness, and will continue to lose respect for you. Loss of respect equals loss of love, and eventually leads to that "I love you but I'm not in love with you" talk she will will eventually give you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## TheFamilyMan

i feel like there are more and more posts about facebook causing problems every day! to me it doesn't sound like you have the upper hand in the relationship...I would say talk about it but hold your ground with your feelings and what not, just don't get too worked up.


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## Ronin

Women who are in love with men don't send pictures and make "small talk" with other men on facebook, PERIOD. They LOVE to bring up the "OMG YOURE CONTROLLING ME!!! arguement, but really they just want to have their cake and eat it too. You know how many women ive been involved with who had "small talk" conversations with men via the internet where it turned out to be more? EVERY ONE. Don't be naive, and don't listen to women on this. 

How about this.. create a facebook account, put up some pictures, and then begin making small talk to every pretty girl who will respond to you. Talk about the weather, sports, whatever. See how she responds to that. I have had women in my past doing this so when I responded by adding women from my past as friends she flipped as if she hadn't been doing the EXACT same thing. In my experience, these young women of today's society continually have no concept of loyalty and this whole facebook/myspace phenomena is their perfect outlet for servicing their attention infatuation, and as soon as they get caught they immediately play their "woman get out of jail free card" (I didn't know, you're controlling, they're just friends, you're just jealous). Don't be naive, check it now, or it WILL expand into something more. Don't let anyone convince you otherwise. This is her idea of a "warning shot". Openly being friendly with other men, throwing it in your face, and then not even bothering to deny it or stop it. Did she do it before marriage? NOPE didn't think so.


Ronin


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## ManDup

NightEagle1981 said:


> I haven't seen any behavior like that since that happened. As I know I've spied enough and I haven't seen any behavior that would lead me to believe that she is cheating. It's just her making friends.


To her, it's just making friends. To the guys, they want to nail her. Every single one. Do you trust THEM?


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## F-102

Look on his other threads. It has long since taken a very ugly turn.


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## Latigo

WOW, I hadn't seen his other threads! I guess thats why I don't care if I come off as "controlling". In my case non of these things were ever issues until FB. Lines needed to be drawn somewhere.


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## MisguidedMiscreant

NightEagle1981 said:


> Well I'm sure that I might get mixed feedback on this one but it's nice to see what others have to say. So how do I cope with the feelings that my wife has conversations with other men via email/facebook etc. I've noticed my wife talking to other men and I've also noticed it's just small talk, weather, how's it going? Etc. I know sometimes thats how it starts, but she has told me many times she has no attraction to them. Actually a funny comment she said made me laugh she said the only guy she'd ever cheat on me with is Derek Jeeter of NYY LOL. But anyways should I make my feeling's known that it makes me uncomfortable with her talking to this particular person? We've talked about it and she's sick of hearing the same thing because she's told me straight up there's nothing going on.


Tell her to ****in stop. You're her husband. If she tries to bull**** you, tell her to she can ****in leave if she wants.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Laurae1967

If your wife is choosing to talk to this guy knowing that it is bothering you, that is a red flag. This is how my husband's two emotional affairs started. When these friendships are done in secret, that is a problem.

Also, why the hell is she trying to find male friends online? Having a male friend through work or your social circle is one thing, but going on line and developing random friendships with men is a huge red flag.

Also know that you are not causing your wife to have an affair (if she's having one). People who cheat do it because they don't feel good about themselves and they are trying to fill a void.


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## aussie2012

alphaomega said:


> Affaircare from this site gave a good example of the difference between controlling behavior and standing up to your boundaries.
> 
> Controlling behavior: "you can't talk to these men anymore"
> 
> Standing up to your boundaries: "Look. You can talk to these men all you want. But if you continue to disregard my feelings and shrug them off as immature or irrelevant, then by all means keep doing what you are doing. In the meantime, if you do continue to disrespect my opinions or thoughts by your continued actions, then I should tell you that I will then have to decide myself whether or not I wish to remain in a relationship with someone that holds so little regard for my feelings."
> 
> Don't be scared to state your boundaries. If you are scared, your wife will see this as weakness, and will continue to lose respect for you. Loss of respect equals loss of love, and eventually leads to that "I love you but I'm not in love with you" talk she will will eventually give you.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yes this is post is spot on advice. She will lose all respect for you and then it is downhill from there. Don't tread lightly on this issue.

She is going to buck and scream and carry on but believe me, it will be worth it in the end.

I have been through similar circumstances. Before she started chatting to some guy friends online, she gave me a lot of respect and even cared about my movie selections and we were actually quite close. Then the chatting to her friends started and it became an almost nightly affair. They shared their feelings on movies and tv series and became really close. Needless to say, at that time she was starting to call me a loser, avoiding physical affection with me and the whole thing became such a mess that I went to a lawyer and got ready to get out. That was just 7 months into the marriage.

We have had numerous arguments over it and I have reached the point where I too have had to lay down the law. Right now she is overseas visiting her family. We talk every day on the computer and our relationship struggles on. I have grown apathetic to a certain degree. But there's a lot of fight in me.

I added one of her male friends that she cheated on me with (by going out to dinner with him behind my back). Sure enough, tonight she told me that he had told her about me chatting to him.

The whole thing is a sick joke. I figure I can't do anything while she is away. No way to control her chatting to these men. But when she gets back home in a couple of weeks time, it's a choice for her to make between me or the other men. And I am willing to fight to the death on this issue to get her to stop chatting up these two men. Because what she has done already is cause massive embarrassment to my family (my parents found out she went to dinner with this bloke) and she has caused enough hurt and resentment in me to really find it difficult to forgive her.

One half of me wishes that going forward in this marriage, things will improve, the other half already checked out.

Either way, I still love her so I am willing to challenge her to the point where she gives up these ridiculous fantasies or she loses me... I want us closer and more connected.

The thing is a woman will respect her husband if he fights for her. Sometimes that means setting the standards and raising the stakes. Then they will enjoy the happy connected bond.

If you don't do this, then she will get her needs met elsewhere and walk away from you. Women are driven by emotional needs. Simple as that.


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## tacoma

NightEagle1981 said:


> I have never given my w any reason for an affair. We've had up's and down's like any relationship and Ive alway's trusted her. We had an issue before which we caught early (sending photo's) which I caught early and I believe I had let that issue go. She say's me alway's asking about her and the guys she's talking to pushes her away and that it's old that I keep bringing it up. I feel that we keep beating the dead horse. Our therapist said that making new guy friends or emailing etc right now is not a good idea. But I see she is doing it but I dont think she's lied about it when I ask. I think the more I bring it up and talk about it the more she gets mad because she say's that she's never done anything other than talking. Our relationship though has gotten a lot better. I think she knows that if I really wanted to pry that I can find out anyway's so I think she isn't hiding anything from me.


But she has done more than talking, you said she was sending pics before.

If you are uncomfortable with your wifes communication with other men draw a boundary.

Tell her you need her to stop the communication.


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## costa200

Zombie thread...

but i read this and i thought "this is gonna end bad", having a look at the other stuff he posted, i was right. Always the same script...

"You are jealous and controlling, just let me cheat at will already..."


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## mina

I am into horse back riding. For a period of time this spring I was going trail riding on my old mount, doing some walking / rehab riding for an injury he was dealing with. So in short the rides were very boring, as it was like an hour of walking several days a week. 

For some weeks in a row I ran into the same man with his horse and they were kind of on the same program and schedule as me, so we rode together. I came home one weekend and told my DH about him and said I had considered exchanging contact information this man so we could continue the rides and plan them instead of just the chance meetings. 

I wasn't very surprised when DH shook his head and said 'that's how things get started ... <trailed off>' and just left it there. 

I changed my riding schedule after that and haven't seen the man since. DH is right I don't need male riding partners - I have plenty of female riding partners as well as my own children who can ride with me. Why introduce a man I don't know into my life? Bad idea.


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## mina

sorry I had no idea this was an old, dead thread. based on newer threads the OP has started seems like letting the wife talk to men wasn't a good plan for them, either. 

my DH looks smarter and smarter to me all the time. I didn't realize how naive I was until I found TAM.


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## Gmoyer3292

I am in this same situation right now. I got the we are just friends answer.


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## Omgitsjoe

ManDup said:


> To her, it's just making friends. To the guys, they want to nail her. Every single one. Do you trust THEM?


I've told this to my wife many times. She seems to make male friends much , much easier than female friends. If anything females often despise her or maybe even be envious of her !?

The Mrs thinks its all friendship and being buddies but in reality these guys are just looking to get into her undies. I , thank goodness am secure and do trust my wife but not the guys


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## Jack29

Hi everyone!

This topic is of particular interest to me as my last relationship was with a girl of this kind.

I agree with what most people are saying here that is not fair that us men should put up with kind of behavior from wife/girlfriend. I dumped my girlfriend of 2months because she completely ignored me on several occasions and talked to other guys. During the last 2 weeks she would be randomly mad at me and call me loser or things in this line. Id wait out for her to calm down and later id ask her what got her mad and id only recieve vague answers such as the weather is too hot makes her moody, i don't wash dishes or take out the trash anymore like i used to etc. I figured i don't want to give myself headache thinking if shes cheating on me or not when meeting other guys because even if its not happening it will sometime in the future.

I also think that dumping these women is the best thing to do because the way i see it its very hard for them to change:

If you allow her to have her way you run the risk of being cheated on and if you assert yourself you are called controlling, insecure and whatnot. Definitely a lose-lose.

This was 3 months back. I had some very good times with the girl (when we were only the two of us of course). I do feel lonely at times and think of what good times we had together but i still belive i did the right thing and spared myself from a world of pain.

If i could give a little piece of advice it will be: By the time someone asks this kind of question is already too late and things are already going downhill so cut your losses and bail out!


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## Conrad

This is a pretty old thread.


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## 45188

I used to talk to guys all the time. Bf said it made him uncomfortable, I didn't care. I didnt like them, so why did it matter?

Then the shoe was put on the other foot. He started spending a LOT of time with this one girl. It made me rage with jealousy. 

Come on man, you're a guy. You're paranoid because you know why other guys are talking to her. PURSUIT! Unless it's just casual.

With guys theres usually a physical attraction first. With many many girls the emotional connection brings on the attraction.

You have a right to feel this way. Have her block him, you'll feel safer in your relationship. I've given and gotten the lecture many times, but only recently I understood it.


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## tom67

kipani said:


> I used to talk to guys all the time. Bf said it made him uncomfortable, I didn't care. I didnt like them, so why did it matter?
> 
> Then the shoe was put on the other foot. He started spending a LOT of time with this one girl. It made me rage with jealousy.
> 
> Come on man, you're a guy. You're paranoid because you know why other guys are talking to her. PURSUIT! Unless it's just casual.
> 
> With guys theres usually a physical attraction first. With many many girls the emotional connection brings on the attraction.
> 
> You have a right to feel this way. Have her block him, you'll feel safer in your relationship. I've given and gotten the lecture many times, but only recently I understood it.


pinche viejos sorry just trying to keep my spanish going


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## Jack29

> I used to talk to guys all the time. Bf said it made him uncomfortable, I didn't care. I didnt like them, so why did it matter?
> 
> Then the shoe was put on the other foot. He started spending a LOT of time with this one girl. It made me rage with jealousy.
> 
> Come on man, you're a guy. You're paranoid because you know why other guys are talking to her. PURSUIT! Unless it's just casual.
> 
> With guys theres usually a physical attraction first. With many many girls the emotional connection brings on the attraction.
> 
> You have a right to feel this way. Have her block him, you'll feel safer in your relationship. I've given and gotten the lecture many times, but only recently I understood it.


I just don't understand how girls don't realise that talking to other men on a regular basis when they have already a boyfriend is plain wrong. In my opinion this is common sense and i don't even want to explain to them why they shouldnt do it! I still belive that the best thing is to break it off!

I also don't think that doing onto them the same thing they're doing to you is right either! Two wrongs don't make a right. I didnt try it with my girlfriend (ex now) but i belive that things like this are more likely to open space for even more arguments than to make things right!


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## lfortender

My wife sometimes talks to old friends in facebook, what can i do? I've talked to her several times but i quit, she thinks i'm controlling, out of control about jealousy, insecure, and stuff like that. Sometimes, for revenge, i want to talk to other girls in facebook too but i don't think is a good idea. I want to make her jealousy? How can i do that?


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## 45188

Jack its common sense to you, but not to us - why? We're wired differently. Like I mean most guys like porn and most girls generally don't care for it and even get deeply offended if we catch you watching it - because most girls just don't understand.

With OUR wiring WE can be friends with a guy and never ever develop feelings for him. It's because WE are not the pursuers by nature. WE figure guys think like we do and they just want to be friends. Of course we're wrong in this most of the time.

lfor, you wanna make your wife jealous? You do to her what she's doing to you. Just make a fake profile with a very pretty girl as the pic and tell her you knew the girl in high school. This way there's no betrayal, because the girl isn't even real. Just let her see you talking to the 'girl' a few times a day for a few weeks - doesn't even have to be flirty - and she will likely flip out on you. I'm sure she loves you, but like most girls, she just doesn't understand.

What my bf did to test me was he made me tell each of my guy friends I wasn't interested in that way. I rolled my eyes because I didnt think they were either, but one of them called me a "Stupid ****ing ****" after I dropped the bomb, one of them stopped talking to me altogether, and many of them just stopped messaging or popping over. 

I thought it was just bad luck. Until I got the shoe on the other foot, I still talked to guys. If you wanna be up front with her say "Sweetheart, I love you a bunch, but can you make it abundantly clear to these guys that you'll never end up with any of them?" - if she doesn't do it, I'd be wary.


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## Jellybeans

Jack29 said:


> I just don't understand how girls don't realise that talking to other men on a regular basis when they have already a boyfriend is plain wrong. In my opinion this is common sense and i don't even want to explain to them why they shouldnt do it! I still belive that the best thing is to break it off!


This is why I think it is so important to have a relationship with someone who sees eye-to-eye with you on opposite-sex friendships. For instance, if both think it's ok to be friendly with exes, hang iwth opposite sex, then they can date well together. If both are not ok with opposite sex friends/close friends/etc, then they would be better dating eachother instead of someone who is against OSF vs someone who isn't. 

The older I get, the less I think opposite sex friendships are ever just platonic--especially the "close" ones. TAM has really opened my eyes to a new world/viewpoint. Cause thinking back, any guy who I ever got close to (friendship-wise) at some point made a pass at me or etc. Like my friend said "I've never had a guy friend who didn't try to fvck me at some point." Oy.


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## 45188

Same Jellybeans :rofl: and here we are CLUELESS that they wanna screw us!


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## Jellybeans

kipani said:


> Same Jellybeans :rofl: and here we are CLUELESS that they wanna screw us!


It's crazy, isn't it? I was drinking wine with my girlfriends this weekend and this subject came up. One of the chicks is good friends with a guy and she said "Yeah but we're just friends." And then later it came out that he has been trying to holler at her forever and that they have made out in the past. He even called while she was there asking what she was up to. Uh huh. All late night. I said "You just proved my theory." The other chick said "I've never experienced that before."I said, What do you mean?" She said "Being close friends with a guy. I have never had a close male friend" because they pretty much all want to have sex.... 

Now looking back on my life I wonder if any guy I was "close" friends with was secretly wanting more. Oyyyyyyyyyyy. TAM has really ruined me.


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## dumpedandhappy

kipani said:


> Same Jellybeans :rofl: and here we are CLUELESS that they wanna screw us!


Yah duh!! Sheesh! Whatta think we are here for anyway!?


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## Jack29

kipani said:


> Same Jellybeans :rofl: and here we are CLUELESS that they wanna screw us!


First off id say that an average guy with two bits of a brain is able to discriminate between friends. If i got woman friends who are coworkers or smth similar i woulnt try to start anything with them. And theres no problem sticking to this rule.

But if a girl will invite me for smth afterwards and if i got no girlfriend and im feeling lonely at the period i think im somehow justfied if i try to get laid!

Second off you girls arent as naive either! Im sure of that. There was a girl i used to know once and we agreed to go out together just as friends because it wouldnt be good if we started anything because we had to move to different places in a month or so and to make a long story short one day she was complaining to me about her problems when we were walking and i put a hand or her shoulder and not long afterwards she mouth kissed me!


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## Jack29

lfortender said:


> My wife sometimes talks to old friends in facebook, what can i do? I've talked to her several times but i quit, she thinks i'm controlling, out of control about jealousy, insecure, and stuff like that. Sometimes, for revenge, i want to talk to other girls in facebook too but i don't think is a good idea. I want to make her jealousy? How can i do that?


I don't know if you read this thread from start but the guy who started it had a similar problem to yours and he let gis wife see other men and it didnt work out for him, they're divorced now! But no two relationships are identical so things might go better with you. I had a girlfriend like this and she did this kind of things. When id complain about it shed say i was a little ***** she even met her ex once, since she was a beliver of the "you can be just friends with your ex" and that was the end of it, i quit! Good luck!


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## Stonewall

NightEagle1981 said:


> Well I'm sure that I might get mixed feedback on this one but it's nice to see what others have to say. So how do I cope with the feelings that my wife has conversations with other men via email/facebook etc. I've noticed my wife talking to other men and I've also noticed it's just small talk, weather, how's it going? Etc. I know sometimes thats how it starts, but she has told me many times she has no attraction to them. Actually a funny comment she said made me laugh she said the only guy she'd ever cheat on me with is Derek Jeeter of NYY LOL. But anyways should I make my feeling's known that it makes me uncomfortable with her talking to this particular person? We've talked about it and she's sick of hearing the same thing because she's told me straight up there's nothing going on.


Love that name Jeeter. Was talking ball with a friend of mine one day and question came up about him and guy says Jeeter? 

I said nope.......Just kissed her!


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## diwali123

I just wanted to pitch in that I have talked to exes on fb with my h's knowledge. I'm not attracted to either of them and I know my
boundaries. It's usually very brief about how is life going and that kind of thing. If he ever wanted to read the messages he can. I don't know if they are trying to get in my pants from thousand miles away but I got my curiosity about how life treated them fulfilled.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 45188

diwali123 said:


> I just wanted to pitch in that I have talked to exes on fb with my h's knowledge. I'm not attracted to either of them and I know my
> boundaries. It's usually very brief about how is life going and that kind of thing. If he ever wanted to read the messages he can. I don't know if they are trying to get in my pants from thousand miles away but I got my curiosity about how life treated them fulfilled.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


If you aren't attracted to them, why did you date them in the first place? You don't date people you're not attracted to.


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## buttman

Confusedanddazed said:


> However the cause of the anger is fear.


Honestly what pisses me off is not fear, it's the fact that the talking is 'flirty' talk. or are you saying flirty talk is acceptable?


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