# Confused



## izz4u2mm (May 26, 2008)

Hi been long time since I posted anything. I have depression, anxiety disorder and now bipolar disorder. Friday was diagnosed as having high blood pressure...very nervous about this. I went home and got the cold shoulder from my wife. She always does this to me when I am not feeling good and or when I cannot hold it in anymore and have to tell someone I feel sick or feel worried and now scared of having a stroke from the high blood pressure. Can anyone out there tell me if that happens to them and if they think what I think...that my wife has had it with me. I am confused because when she gets sick I want to comfort her. I never have given her the cold shoulder over her feeling sick ans she has gotten very sick on me 4 times. I have always comforted her and gave her all the support she needed or wanted. But when I get sick she turns on me?? I start to think she does not love me anymore and would rather get rid of me or desolve our relationship. Been married many years and in 1984 I started having the worst anxiety and panic attacks in my life. This did start in 1968 and I thought it would gradually go away. It did not and in fact got worst and worst.
Any advice or thoughts that might would lend some support wanted.
Thank you
Manny


----------



## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

Hi Manny,

Sorry to hear about your high blood pressure. I hope the doctors gave you good info. and/or medicine to get that under control. I'm not sure what to say about your wife's reaction. It may be that your depression, anxiety and bipolar have been very difficult for her, too, and she feels 'worn out' if you know what I mean. Or she could be dealing with other stress at the moment and reacted in a bad way due to that. Who knows? Anyway, I'm sorry it has left you feeling unsupported. Maybe you just need a good talk with her to see if something's bothering her.


----------



## izz4u2mm (May 26, 2008)

Well hi Swedish good to hear from you again. yeah I am a worrier and this bp thing has me going on top of the other things I have. Yeah I know my problems could have taken a toll on my W but come hell or high water I am there for her for what ever reason. I am ever going to get tired of taking care of her ever!!. I took my marriage serious and keep to the Vouls we took many years ago. She has gotten very ill on me 4-5 times already and have never stopped caring or supporting her ever!!. I read some of the other posts here now and again and do see that some spouses do get tired and seem to give up on the problems...although I know its very difficult to deal with at times especially when things get worse but come on one has to fight the good fight.
Thanks for the support
Manny


----------



## justean (May 28, 2008)

manny, have you told her how you feel. 
what you have said in your thread, have you told her that to her face and communicated all your feelings.
regardless of whether she wants to listen to it, you both need to know how the other is feeling.
My H and i have the same issues at times. i feel like i take care of him more when hes ill, but he is improving. 
but the fact remains, if im not getin the attention for the right reasons and not the wrong reasons, i simply have to ask for some help. 
it cant be about pride.
maybe thats what you could try .
at the end of the day , you have stil been by your wife through some tough times and no doubt you have been "tired" to .
someone being ill, has negative energy on the opposite spouse.
so it is draining.
but as she has had health issues herself and serious then your issues also need to be addressed by her.
im only asking, but whatever it is you want from your wife, you need to tell her that!


----------



## Junebug (Dec 7, 2008)

I can tell you that as a wife dealing with my husbands depression, anger and emotional issues, I am so tired of it all. I feel mentally drained. After so many years of it, I am at a point I just can't do it anymore, it hurts too much. I can't help you, just telling you from the other side of it what a toll it takes emotionally, mentally, and physically and makes me sadly resentful when he needs me more. I feel like I have given him everything for so many years and I just can't do it anymore.


----------



## GPR (Jan 3, 2009)

Junebug said:


> I can tell you that as a wife dealing with my husbands depression, anger and emotional issues, I am so tired of it all. I feel mentally drained. After so many years of it, I am at a point I just can't do it anymore, it hurts too much. I can't help you, just telling you from the other side of it what a toll it takes emotionally, mentally, and physically and makes me sadly resentful when he needs me more. I feel like I have given him everything for so many years and I just can't do it anymore.


I can echo everything that has been said here.

Also, from the years you've posted, I assume that you and your wife have been together a long time and are an older generation.

I can't speak for the your wife, but I do know that some from older generations don't buy into depression and anxiety as being a real "sickness" (I do). That might cause (or at least aid in) some of the resentment there. Also, women from that generation are likely to have differing expectations of their husband as far as their strength, emotions, and things like that than a woman that may be in her 20's and 30's or so. That might cause more problems. I'm not saying it's right, or that it's even true, guess I'm just saying it is a possibility. 

Also, what steps are you taking to get better? That's a huge thing as the other spouse. One of the most frustrating things in the world is when the other spouse does so much work, invest so much time and so many emotions and makes so many sacrifices. If it doesn't appear that the spouse who has the disorder is actually making REAL EFFORTS to get better, it makes the stress and frustration increase ten-fold


----------



## izz4u2mm (May 26, 2008)

Hello befor eI get too behind on this thread I want to thank Justean, junebug and gpr for the responses so thanks. But I did tell my W to her face what I wanted and she just kept quiet. Also I know itshaerd and takes a toll putting up with someone that has problems after all who wants to hang around a depressed person all the time I know. But the vows I took I took seriously !!!!. and yeah I am a t an older age not so old that it doesn't bother me but since I started getting sick I noticed more and more behavior from w that tells me something and its not good. what am I supposed to do then...abandon ship????. Yeah we started out like I go to work w stays home and takes care of the kids and cooks etc. I know the women are gonna say " what?? we do way more than that!! ok ok but you know what I mean. Now and since then things changed I did not ask for it, did not volunteer to get sick I made sacrefices and thought I was doing the right thing. all the depression etc just kept creeping up on me till the sky fell on me. All I want is support when I need it. I have never been the type to ask for help, did or tried to do everything by myself and no one ever gave me anything..I worked hard for everything I have including my W.
So what am I to do??.
Manny


----------



## GPR (Jan 3, 2009)

You have talked about what you've asked for... but have you talked about what she wants? 

Also, what are you doing to try to get better?


----------



## izz4u2mm (May 26, 2008)

GPR yes of course I have asked her what does she want. I sked her if a divorce was due....no she said, I asked her what does she want me to do...she said try to handle it. I even stopped taking the meds that were driving me nuts...she liked that and does not want me to take anymore meds. She wants to be happy like I do and she wants me to be normal again....well unless they make thee magic pill that will cure my probelms I will have to bear with it all. I did give in to taking Resperadone that my dr said at first "would stop my mind" hahahahaha....but mant that will relax my mind. ok started taking that a week ago and I do feel a bit more relaxed. Things look good for now so lets se what happens. Thanks for the support you guys.
Manny:scratchhead:


----------



## voivod (Aug 7, 2008)

manny...
a woman can get worn out from being a supercaretaker no doubt...i see you are a recovering alcoholic and drug user...she's probably tired from trying to manage her life, your life, and your disease...on top of that health and mental issues make it tough...my wife is a saint and i think i took it out of her with my past being similar to yours...she managed my stroke recovery and rehab and she's a worn out, spent girl...she's had to face more in her 36 years than any one woman should have to...and, saint that she is, i think she's still hanging in there waiting for me to not relapse...help her, take the burden off when she is ill...whether she says it or not, she appreciates it.


----------



## izz4u2mm (May 26, 2008)

Hi Voivod thats really good of you for thinking about your wifes side of your illness you went thru. She is strong they all r strong ppl. The y can take more than us men can I think anyways. Yes I do give my wife lots and lots of credit for all she has gone thru and all I have gone thru. I think all the women that stand by the man deserve a medal really. now you take care of yourself and don't have a relapse ok and I hope you recover fully. Thanks for the support.:smthumbup:
Manny


----------



## corvette1986 (Jan 24, 2009)

Sorry to hear about your medical problems. I have had many of the same and they seem to revolve around my wife. I just turned 50, several major back surgeries plus other things. I have found a renewal of my independance somewhat by losing alot of weight. I think this affected my wife more than anything. Now she is jealous, but still mean and cold. But I feel like I don't "need" her anymore and am debating right now if I WANT her. I have found friends that treat me with respect and kindness that for some strange reason she can't or won't do herself.I have asked her to leave the house and that seems to have shaken her up a little, at least she shows anger instead of brainless robotactivity.Manny I was never a drinker, but due to the back surgeries, Doctors soon get you hooked on painkillers. I was finally able to gain the upper hand on those(oxycontin, methadone, fentanyl, and finally morphine) along with every muscle relaxer made.I am sure my wife is the single biggest problem I have. I want her out of the house for a while just to make sure. Hang in there and keep your dignity. She can't take that away from you.


----------

