# Scared To Marry The One I Do Not Love: Still Someone In Mind:



## jigs (Aug 17, 2009)

Hi friends, 
I have a serious problem which I thought to discuss with all to get some solutions.
I used to like a girl which was in my school, she was my only crush in my life, after our schooling we were in same college as well, though I used to talk less, eventually at the end of our education we became best friends, I still had crush on her and I realised its love, I never ever thought of any other girl in my life except her, I told her my feelings many times (almost 7-8 times), every time she said, she only consider me as her best frnd, I respect her answer, But I cannot forget her, and cannot think of any other girl, 

My parents were forcing me to see girls (arrange marriage) and marry soon, Finally after last no from my love, I agreed to marry one girl of our community, 
Our marriage are after 3 months, But I still cannot forget my love and keep thinking of her, even while talking with or being with the one I am marrying, I always compare both, It hurts me a lot, I am a guy but still I am very emotional and I used to cry each and every day since last 1 and a half year.I am very much depressed and scared whether I'll be happy with the girl I am marrying or whether I'll keep her happy, 

Once my parents saw me crying and I didn't mention about my love, but I said I do not like the girl I am marrying, and they said now I have to marry her else our name will be spoilt in our community, they said you will eventually start loving her after some time. Many times I thought of killing myself but didn't do anything thinking I have to live for my parents.

My condition is so bad now that I keep crying internally every time, can someone help me with these things....
Please reply.....


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

jigs said:


> every time she said, she only consider me as her best frnd, I respect her answer.


This girl has made it loud and clear she is only interested in you as a friend. To spend so much time focused on the fantasy of being with her, is only bringing you down in your real life.

Since you have dated other women and agreed to marry, what is it about your fiance that made you decide to choose her for marriage? If there are things you like about her, it is time to focus your energy there...try to make her smile today and see how you feel. 

Part of you is probably mourning the fact that once you marry, you no longer have a chance with the woman from college. The truth is, she has already told you there is no chance of marriage with her.


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## MarriedMark (Dec 20, 2009)

I think it is unfair if you are to marry the other woman if you are not in "love" with her.

With that in mind, you do need to get past your crush on the woman from your college.

You need to understand that what you are experiencing is a strong deep emotion, and as such it will take time to get over it. 

No one tip or advice will change how you feel in an instant. Only a conscious, continuous effort, lapse of sufficient time and patience on your part will allow you to fully recover from what you feel right now

Stop harboring hope and imagining how great it would be spending time with your crush. Doing this only aggravates your condition and does absolutely no good to you. It's like opening a wound that just started healing. Do not do it.

Stop thinking that the person you have a crush on is one of a kind. It NOT TRUE. No matter how highly you think of him / her, there WILL be other people in your future that will be unique and speical in their own way, and this what will make you fall in love with them.

Refocus your attention and get busy. This is not that time to spend too much time alone and dwell on your situation. Pursue other romantic prospects, spend time with other people who are positive, supportive and funny, and pursue your professional, educational and social goals. Keep yourself busy to prevent boredom, because when boredom kicks in, all the negative, weak thoughts return to your mind.

Just thought I'd also add that my favorite relationship advice websites are:

Stop Divorce
and
How to Attract Women

All the best!

Mark


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