# Staying active and attraction Part 2



## luvinhim (Jun 25, 2014)

Hi Guys I love reading that you are doing things to keep fit...I wish my husband would do this.

Anyway..my question or part 2 to this is:

Is you wife fit also. Or is she overweight. And if she is overweight, how does it affect your desire for her?


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

My wife is in shape. She goes through periods where she really goes all out at the gym (she has run a 1/2 marathon, we have done spartan races together, etc...) and other times backs off a bit (mostly due to having a young family).

If she did ever become overweight (I am talking unhealthy overweight, rather have someone with a little extra on them then not enough) it would undoubtedly impact my attraction towards her.


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## DoneWithHurting (Feb 4, 2015)

When i met W, she was thin as a rail and in great shape. 3 kids later she added 100 pounds to her small body.
I still found her extremely attractive... could not keep my hands off her. Since, she has lost all the weight and is in the best shape of her life. It forced me to improve my own fitness and i am now in the best shape of my life. Sex is decent, 1-2 times per week, mostly her initiating. Married 30+ years, I am 60+


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## luvinhim (Jun 25, 2014)

DoneWithHurting said:


> Sex is decent, 1-2 times per week, mostly her initiating. Married 30+ years, I am 60+


Why? Why is she the only one initiating sex


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## bbdad (Feb 11, 2013)

My wife has never been rail thin. She used to work out, but diet is her kryptonite. She is heavier than she wants to be, but it doesn't change my attraction to her. I guess if she got to morbidly obese, it would be an issue. What does detract my attraction to her is when she complains on and on about how she perceives her body as unattractive - no matter how much I tell her that I feel the opposite.

If your husband says he finds you attractive, believe him!


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## Dycedarg (Apr 17, 2014)

Most men are going to be honest unless they're afraid of your response, which they shouldn't. 

Having said that, I don't think it's unfair of me to point out that almost invariably, men become less attracted to wives/gf's who let themselves go, even if they truly love them. 

You just can't eradicate 2 million years of evolution with social justice, not matter how loud it is.


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## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

My ex was very attractive to me. However over the years exercise became less important to her than dieting was. She lost a lot of weight over the last few years of our marriage. Mainly from doing the HCG diet (which I thing screwed up her hormones). But exercise was something she found she didn't have time for. She looked good in clothes but not so good naked. She had no muscle tone which I found unattractive. 
I think that the level of ones fitness is a measure of their own self worth. One does not need to be cut or chiseled to be attractive. But people who just let themselves go are saying they don't really care about them selves. If they don't care about them selves, how could you possibly think they are going to care about you. 
OTOH, one can take it too far in the opposite direction as well. Despite not exercising, my ex was overly concerned about appearances. Narcissism is also very unattractive as well.
Everybody is capable of taking care of themselves. Most people just make excuses.


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## stevehowefan (Apr 3, 2013)

My wife was 215 pounds when we met. I was also about 215 pounds. I'm six feet; she's 5'5". When I went to Iraq, she lost about 70 or so pounds. She was 145 when I got back. I got up to 235 pounds around 2007. I am now 185 and the wife is 160-ish. She has a good bit of muscle compared to back then. And I have a lot more. I was attracted to her when she was a big guh, and I am still attracted to her. She gave birth to two kids over three years and the weight has fluctuated some. We both work out, but I work out a lot. She is into karate and we both eat pretty good. I see this as a lifestyle and not a diet.


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

I know you asked the guys for their feedback, but I'm going to tell you what my husband has said about my fluctuations in weight. I think there has to be a basis for comparison. If you've always been heavy, then adding 20 or 30 lbs isn't going to make as much of difference than if you started out thin and then packed on the pounds. It's the drop of salt in the ocean theory. 

My husband's preference is for women with a bit more meat on their bones, especially along the derriere. Not overweight, but definitely not thin. He's ALWAYS had this preference, even before Kim Kardashian and J-Lo came into popularity. The man likes what he likes. Thankfully I meet this criteria. 

When we got married, I wasn't overweight but I wasn't thin either. To give you an idea, my wedding dress was a size 10 because of my butt. It was tailored to a size 8 around the chest and a size 4 around the waist. So going back to the drop of salt in the ocean theory, although my weight has fluctuated by as much as 30 lbs over the course of our marriage, he says it hasn't affected his sexual attraction for me. However, on my end, I have noticed that when I'm working out and toned, his sexual innuendos and compliments go through the roof and he mate guards a lot more. I swear the man is 'marking his territory' when he does the drive-by pop kiss or gives me the 'good job' football pat on the butt in between sets at the gym. Makes me laugh.


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## tjs8447 (Oct 24, 2015)

I think the best case scenario is that both partners age and evolve in terms of body composition roughly the same. And, with similar thoughts about "working at it." 

My wife gained a lot of weight over the first 15 years of our marriage. I'll be honest. My attraction for her did change. I thought she was pretty, but the passion wasn't there to the same degree it once was. Some nasty by products....what we did together became more limited. I felt like it was more of a struggle for me to remain fit and active. Just less motivated. Its a VERY difficult thing to talk about. Anything that's affecting the marriage and you're not talking about it is not good. She naturally was sensitive to it and she changed. 

I think there's a misconception that marriages are either good or bad. And this subject of attraction is like a "gotcha" kind of thing. Her weight gain was not anything closely resembling a deal breaker in the marriage, but we were both less happy.

Fast forward....she lost the weight. At first it was like the honeymoon was on again. However, her knees are shot now. I'm like this super active guy. It was ok when my son was still in HS and more available. I'd play sports with him, go backpacking, play and be active and have fun. I feel pretty alone now in a lot of ways and even a little resentful. I play golf with my friends. I don't mind a whole lot running and working out alone. I know you don't marry for an activity partner, but I wish we had more of that.


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

Do I think at least part of the reason my ex cheated on me was due to the fact that at the time I had gained 50 lbs. and let myself go so she lost some attraction to me. Especially, when the OM has in better shape at the time? Definitely.

Did I care she gained 80 lbs. when she was pregnant with my first kid. Nope. Still thought she was attractive. 

Draw whatever conclusions you want from that.


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## 3kgtmitsu (Jul 28, 2012)

It totally depends on the individual..my wife has always been in pretty good shape and I don't really care if she packs on a couple pounds here and there...that's because she takes good care of herself and always has.

However, I can see if someone just totally gives up and doesn't take care of themselves anymore that's disgusting..sorry. There's a difference between just natural weight gain and just not giving a crap. Of course medical reasons can happen and that's an exception.

I believe that excercise improves your sense of well being overall and that makes you feel more attrActive and that your partner picks up on that..even if you still look pretty much the same..

I personally don't hit the gym nearly as much as I like or should. But I also have a physically demanding job, so aside from not having big guns like I could have if I went to the gym 5 days a week I do stay fit and healthy. If my wife was only attracted to me when I am at my peak physique then I would know I married a shallow person and that's no way to go thru life worrying if you measure up to the next guy.


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

My wife stays very fit, even at 50 years old.
She did lose 25 pounds when I started losing weight. I don't think it made a bit of difference in how I view her. Now if she was 50+ pounds over weight, that might be an issue.
Bottom line is I want HER to feel good about HERSELF.


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## Ol'Pal (Aug 24, 2015)

My wife is probably 20-30lbs over weight. I think what affects my attraction to her more than the actual weight is her piss poor attitude towards doing anything about it.


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## bbdad (Feb 11, 2013)

My wife is overweight at this point - more than she likes for sure. As stated above, I do still find her attractive. 

She has yo-yo'd with weight much of her life. In the past, when she spends time on herself, she does well. However, lately, she is just looking for every medical reason why she is overweight and what shortcuts may be possible. That is unattractive, but not the end of the world. I am sure she has emotional eating disorders and types of food addictions, but I don't think she wants to address them.

But, I can truly say that I still find her attractive through everything.


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## Ol'Pal (Aug 24, 2015)

boltam said:


> Not so sure.. ask yourself this.
> 
> Lets say she lost that 20-30 lbs and yet had a piss poor attitude about losing the weight. Would your attraction be greater than it is now?


Touche':smile2:


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