# what trumps it the morals of marriage or your own



## angelcruise (Sep 11, 2012)

I will try to be as basic as I can. My husband and I have been married for 16yrs and in those yrs we have done many self help tools as well as counselling. And in every one of those times we have saved our marriage.but as with anything life happens again and we find ourselves back into the same old problems. Don't get me wrong I feel that all those self help and counseling has made us a much better marriage. My major struggle is that when life does fall back into the rut the end result is the same. He feels that what I say and do is always an attack. He begins to build resentment for me and the kids. He feels attacked by the family and our communication goes out the door. I don't like being that person and I am confident that I am not. When things begin to fall apart he tells me he knows he does those things and once more we can fix it. What he sees me as is such the opposite of what I value lost in my life. So now this time I am confused to what is more important. Staying married to someone who will always resort back to not like me or the kids or leaving him so I don't have to be that ugly person he always makes me out to be? I know he loves me very much and he loves his kids but I am just so tired of this role. It is the most important part of who I am and what I stand for. I don't want to be. with someone that I have to remind all the time why they like me or their kids. So am I being selfish to leave my marriage based on what I want. according to my own expectation from a husband and father? Or do I just stick to the commentment of marriage and put my desires aside.


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## Innosenses (Jul 8, 2011)

Okay my husband in I don't agree on the same advice for you, so I will give you both sides. He says God is First so stick the marriage out and put your feelings aside. I say if you are frustrated and can change that feel to a better one, leave!


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## CallaLily (Jan 13, 2011)

angelcruise said:


> I will try to be as basic as I can. My husband and I have been married for 16yrs and in those yrs we have done many self help tools as well as counselling. And in every one of those times we have saved our marriage.but as with anything life happens again and we find ourselves back into the same old problems. Don't get me wrong I feel that all those self help and counseling has made us a much better marriage. My major struggle is that when life does fall back into the rut the end result is the same. He feels that what I say and do is always an attack. He begins to build resentment for me and the kids. He feels attacked by the family and our communication goes out the door. I don't like being that person and I am confident that I am not. When things begin to fall apart he tells me he knows he does those things and once more we can fix it. What he sees me as is such the opposite of what I value lost in my life. So now this time I am confused to what is more important. Staying married to someone who will always resort back to not like me or the kids or leaving him so I don't have to be that ugly person he always makes me out to be? I know he loves me very much and he loves his kids but I am just so tired of this role. It is the most important part of who I am and what I stand for. I don't want to be. with someone that I have to remind all the time why they like me or their kids. So am I being selfish to leave my marriage based on what I want. according to my own expectation from a husband and father? Or do I just stick to the commentment of marriage and put my desires aside.


IMO, if you are always having to go back and "fix" things then it wasn't truly "fixed" to begin with. I believe people should learn from their mistakes and if they don't then the same kinds of things will continue to happen. I would say try MC, if that doesn't work, then you will need to decide if you are willing to always go back to the same things to try to "fix" things when they are not going well.


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## Sbrown (Jul 29, 2012)

angelcruise said:


> I will try to be as basic as I can. My husband and I have been married for 16yrs and in those yrs we have done many self help tools as well as counselling. And in every one of those times we have saved our marriage.but as with anything life happens again and we find ourselves back into the same old problems. Don't get me wrong I feel that all those self help and counseling has made us a much better marriage. My major struggle is that when life does fall back into the rut the end result is the same. He feels that what I say and do is always an attack. He begins to build resentment for me and the kids. He feels attacked by the family and our communication goes out the door. I don't like being that person and I am confident that I am not. When things begin to fall apart he tells me he knows he does those things and once more we can fix it. What he sees me as is such the opposite of what I value lost in my life. So now this time I am confused to what is more important. Staying married to someone who will always resort back to *not like* me or *the kids* or leaving him so I don't have to be that ugly person he always makes me out to be? I know he loves me very much and he loves his kids but I am just so tired of this role. It is the most important part of who I am and what I stand for. I don't want to be. with someone that I have to remind all the time why they like me or their kids. So am I being selfish to leave my marriage based on what I want. according to my own expectation from a husband and father? Or do I just stick to the commentment of marriage and put my desires aside.


I think this speaks volumes about his character. Maybe it's just me but how can you not like/resent your kids? How old are they? Are they his?


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## angelcruise (Sep 11, 2012)

Sbrown said:


> I think this speaks volumes about his character. Maybe it's just me but how can you not like/resent your kids? How old are they? Are they his?


Thanks guys this is great to have outside advise!.

To answer the last question......our oldest is 18 she is his step daughter and has been diagnosed with bipoler. So that whole relationship is a whole other story . But our other 2 are 15 and 12. And he just has a hard time seeing the positive in them and focuses on the things he needs to change. He says because he wants to help them to be better people


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