# Not Physically Attracted to Wife



## Rick12 (May 18, 2019)

I’m 35 and my wife is 29, and we are considering divorce because I’m not physically attracted to her as much as she would like. This has been a problem in our relationship from the beginning. When we started dating I let her know that I would like her to get in better shape if we were going to get married. Eventually I fell in love, and we got married despite her not being what I would be physically attracted to. I prefer women that are thin and fit, and she is a little above average. I would classify her as having some “problem areas.” I often (too much for her liking) do express disappointment at her lack of progress, and this has caused arguments and led to our situation now.

She wants me to find her desireable physically, but I don’t, and she’s not willing to get to where I would see her that way. I’d be fine living like this (I think), as I love who she is, and looks fade regardless, but she doesn’t want to stay with me if I can’t feel that way about her. Should we just call it quits, or is this relationship worth trying to save?


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## x598 (Nov 14, 2012)

I think you are BOTH in the wrong.

you, for having unrealistic expectations for her to "aspire to"...although I do applaud you for at least being honest and up front about it. she is in the wrong for knowing this expectation...getting married anyway....probably with the classic "I can change him" thinking that rarely works.

if fitness and looks are so important to you...then you are free to leave and do what you wish. I just hope kids aren't involved to pay the price for your expectations that may not ever be met with any woman. and even if you do find your ideal dreamy hard body....who is to say you wouldn't have trouble in other areas.


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## SecondWind (May 10, 2019)

You shouldn't have dated her much less married her since she didn't meet your body type criteria. Shame on you!

Let her go so she is free to net a man who appreciated her body type.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Seems it was a bad move to be married. Yes you should probably call it quits. It’s still hard and sad for both of you though. Good luck.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

This seems kinda silly. 

How long together? Married?

You two are way grown up enough to not be having difficulty with something like this.

Got kids?


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## I shouldnthave (Apr 11, 2018)

Why in the world did you marry someone that you weren’t attracted to?

Honestly, why did you think that was a good idea? What was your reasoning?

It would be one thing if she changed dramatically for the worse after marriage...

But this kinda like marrying a guy then acting disappointmented that his **** wasn’t bigger, and letting him know you aren’t happy about the situation. That sole crushing stuff right there. 

If no kids, I say cut your losses and hopefully you have learned a lesson here. Perhaps she can find someone who is attracted to her and loves her unconditionally.


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

Rick12 said:


> I’m 35 and my wife is 29, and we are considering divorce because I’m not physically attracted to her as much as she would like. This has been a problem in our relationship from the beginning. When we started dating I let her know that I would like her to get in better shape if we were going to get married. Eventually I fell in love, and we got married despite her not being what I would be physically attracted to. I prefer women that are thin and fit, and she is a little above average. I would classify her as having some “problem areas.” I often (too much for her liking) do express disappointment at her lack of progress, and this has caused arguments and led to our situation now.
> 
> She wants me to find her desireable physically, but I don’t, and she’s not willing to get to where I would see her that way. I’d be fine living like this (I think), as I love who she is, and looks fade regardless, but she doesn’t want to stay with me if I can’t feel that way about her. Should we just call it quits, or is this relationship worth trying to save?


I think you should call it quits. You settled for her and she now understands what that means. She's 29. Still young enough to find a guy that is head over heels for her and finds her hot and sexy exactly as she is.


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## Rick12 (May 18, 2019)

I am attracted to my wife, I think she’s a beautiful woman, just not as much as I could be. I don’t want our relationship to end, as I’m aware that looks will fade and personality will not. Would I like her to be in better shape? Of course, but it isn’t a deal breaker for me. She wants me to want her as though she was in the best shape possible, but she isn’t, so I am not as attracted as I could be.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Rick12 said:


> I am attracted to my wife, I think she’s a beautiful woman, just not as much as I could be. I don’t want our relationship to end, as I’m aware that looks will fade and personality will not. Would I like her to be in better shape? Of course, but it isn’t a deal breaker for me. She wants me to want her as though she was in the best shape possible, but she isn’t, so I am not as attracted as I could be.


This is still silly.

Take her like a damn pirate taking a captive virgin!

If you want to keep her take her like you mean it, with all your passion and strength.

Mrs. Conan quit smoking about 18 years ago and put on some weight.

I love her like no other and I didn't let my lady's feet touch the ground because I was loving her so much.

She found her own motivation and got into killer shape but I don't care if she ends up looking like a potato. I am going to love that and hit that like my life depended on it and with all my strength because I truly and deeply love her.

Commit to your woman and love her in EVERY way with everything in you.

Love is never a waste of time.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Just divorce and put both of each other out of your misery. Love is a terrible reason to be married if it's the only reason.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

sokillme said:


> Love is a terrible reason to be married if it's the only reason.


:laugh: I might have to steal this...


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Rick12 said:


> I’m 35 and my wife is 29, and we are considering divorce because I’m not physically attracted to her as much as she would like. This has been a problem in our relationship from the beginning. When we started dating I let her know that I would like her to get in better shape if we were going to get married. Eventually I fell in love, and we got married despite her not being what I would be physically attracted to. I prefer women that are thin and fit, and she is a little above average. I would classify her as having some “problem areas.” I often (too much for her liking) do express disappointment at her lack of progress, and this has caused arguments and led to our situation now.
> 
> She wants me to find her desireable physically, but I don’t, and she’s not willing to get to where I would see her that way. I’d be fine living like this (I think), as I love who she is, and looks fade regardless, but she doesn’t want to stay with me if I can’t feel that way about her. Should we just call it quits, or is this relationship worth trying to save?


I think she is right to divorce. Women are very sensitive about their bodies and being married to someone who basically lets you know regularly you do not measure up must do tremendous damage to your intimacy and her self esteem. I would say let her go, she is young (29) and is bound to find a man who will love her, including her 'problem areas.' 
I am wondering how aesthetically pleasing are you? A perfect Adonis it seems, good luck with finding your perfect Aphrodite. Just let your wife go. You do not deserve her.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Rick12 said:


> I am attracted to my wife, I think she’s a beautiful woman, just not as much as I could be. I don’t want our relationship to end, as I’m aware that looks will fade and personality will not. Would I like her to be in better shape? Of course, but it isn’t a deal breaker for me. She wants me to want her as though she was in the best shape possible, but she isn’t, so I am not as attracted as I could be.


As I said let here go


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Rick12 said:


> I am attracted to my wife, I think she’s a beautiful woman, just not as much as I could be. I don’t want our relationship to end, as I’m aware that looks will fade and personality will not. Would I like her to be in better shape? Of course, but it isn’t a deal breaker for me. She wants me to want her as though she was in the best shape possible, but she isn’t, so I am not as attracted as I could be.


 You used the words _deal breaker _TWICE in that short paragraph above. Who are you trying to convince - us, or yourself? Maybe it's not a 'deal breaker' as you keep claiming, but your sense of self entitlement in thinking you're such a prize that you 'deserve' someone with a perfect body has completely STAINED this relationship since day #1. I'm assuming you look like Bradly Cooper since you're demanding such perfection from your wife? I'm willing to bet an entire paycheck ya ain't even close. 

Personally, I don't understand why she continued dating you then marrying you when all she's heard from you is how you want her to trim down. What's wrong with HER, is my question. *No one* needs a supposed man in their life THAT bad that they'll disrespect themselves to the level she's disrespected herself.

Do HER a favor and leave because sadly, she doesn't respect herself enough to leave YOU.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

And so you actually think she is attracted to you as much as she could be any other man ??? 

Obviously your under the impression you have no "areas to improve".

Your entire premise is laughable.


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## notmyjamie (Feb 5, 2019)

Wow, just wow. You tell her on the regular how she doesn't measure up to your standards and then you're not sure what to do when she wants to leave you? Your lack of insight into yourself and how YOU created this problem is outstanding. 

Your love for her is conditional and she knows it. That's not real love and it's certainly not how a husband should love his wife. 

You have 2 choices, divorce and let her go find someone who will truly love her or get yourself in IC for a while and then the both of you into marriage counseling. I see no other way this will work. Don't let her waste years on you while you chip away at her self esteem. That's a horrible thing to do to a person, especially one you claim to "love."


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Rick12 said:


> I am attracted to my wife, I think she’s a beautiful woman, just not as much as I could be. I don’t want our relationship to end, as I’m aware that looks will fade and personality will not. Would I like her to be in better shape? Of course, but it isn’t a deal breaker for me. She wants me to want her as though she was in the best shape possible, but she isn’t, so I am not as attracted as I could be.


She could get in the best shape (according to you) of her life and you would look for something else to complain about to keep her in her place. The problem is you - you don't find her all that attractive so you are blaming it on her. Guess what? She doesn't want to be married to her brother. Time to reassess your priorities.


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

Rick12 said:


> I am attracted to my wife, I think she’s a beautiful woman, just not as much as I could be. I don’t want our relationship to end, as I’m aware that looks will fade and personality will not. Would I like her to be in better shape? Of course, but it isn’t a deal breaker for me. She wants me to want her as though she was in the best shape possible, but she isn’t, so I am not as attracted as I could be.


I still think you two should divorce. It'll never get better for you without a complete 180 from you. 

You're attracted to her potential not who she is right now. Go find someone who is exactly the type you find attractive as is, right now. Let your wife find someone who finds her attractive as she is, right now.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

I'm extremely curious about your looks, OP. Would you say your attractiveness level is much higher than hers? Do you have any "problem areas"? 

It would be interesting if you divorce (and I think you should) and find a new partner who doesn't have any "problem areas", then maybe 5 years down with the road you, say, start to suddenly get thinning hair, which is a "problem" for your partner.... who lets you know on the regular that she isn't as attracted to you as she could be. Karma....


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## MaiChi (Jun 20, 2018)

Rick12 said:


> I’m 35 and my wife is 29, and we are considering divorce because I’m not physically attracted to her as much as she would like. This has been a problem in our relationship from the beginning. When we started dating I let her know that I would like her to get in better shape if we were going to get married. Eventually I fell in love, and we got married despite her not being what I would be physically attracted to. I prefer women that are thin and fit, and she is a little above average. I would classify her as having some “problem areas.” I often (too much for her liking) do express disappointment at her lack of progress, and this has caused arguments and led to our situation now.
> 
> She wants me to find her desireable physically, but I don’t, and she’s not willing to get to where I would see her that way. I’d be fine living like this (I think), as I love who she is, and looks fade regardless, but she doesn’t want to stay with me if I can’t feel that way about her. Should we just call it quits, or is this relationship worth trying to save?


This is one of the most wrong marriages that I have heard of. You cannot marry someone on condition he/she changes to something or somebody else.


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## Bibi1031 (Sep 14, 2015)

Rick12 said:


> I’m 35 and my wife is 29, and we are considering divorce because I’m not physically attracted to her as much as she would like. This has been a problem in our relationship from the beginning. When we started dating I let her know that I would like her to get in better shape if we were going to get married. Eventually I fell in love, and we got married despite her not being what I would be physically attracted to. I prefer women that are thin and fit, and she is a little above average. I would classify her as having some “problem areas.” I often (too much for her liking) do express disappointment at her lack of progress, and this has caused arguments and led to our situation now.
> 
> She wants me to find her desireable physically, but I don’t, and she’s not willing to get to where I would see her that way. I’d be fine living like this (I think), as I love who she is, and looks fade regardless, but she doesn’t want to stay with me if I can’t feel that way about her. Should we just call it quits, or is this relationship worth trying to save?


You two are not meant for each other period. At 35 you are extremely immature and not a good partner plain and simple. She married you because she must be a glutton for punishment because no healthy woman would tolerate being insulted the way you continully tell her you will be more attracted to her if she trimmed down. 

Quite frankly, Who died and made you God dude! You have no say so in how she must look. Do you tell her how to dress and color her hair too? WTF? You don't own your partner!


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## faithfulman (Jun 4, 2018)

You have the right to be with a woman who meets the physical attraction standards you require.

The mystery is why you would marry a woman who falls short of that enough to make it a problem for your marriage.

That's your bad. 

*Truth:* If she is not at your required level of physical attractiveness in her 20s, reaching that level as she ages will be quite difficult and even if she does, maintaining it is improbable.

Your best and kindest option is to get a divorce.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

If you have children with her, her body is likely to change radically and not what you would consider for the better. If she's not motivated now, she will not be motivated after children come.

You are right, people age and beauty fades. Character and compatibility are what really matter.

You have a choice to make. You can get divorced because she isn't your idea of perfect or you can focus on what you find beautiful about her and allow yourself to grow in attraction to her. I don't know why you two are having conversations about what you wish was better about her. That seems highly counterproductive to making either of you more attractive to the other. Love her, support her, tell her everything you love about her and how beautiful she is. And don't stop doing it or you are going to lose your wife.

Personally, I've been married for 35 years. My husband was in excellent shape; much better shape than I was. I was thin, but not fit. After children I gained weight. When they got older, I lost weight and got into shape. I'm now in better shape than I was in my 20s.. My husband did not stay in shape. I wouldn't tell him that I wish he was in the same shape that I'm in. That would be rude, so I focus on what I love about him and how much he still turns me on after all these years. If we started having conversations about how he isn't my ideal man, that would not go well. If he were to tell me that I'm not ideal for him, that would not go well either.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Rick12 said:


> I’m 35 and my wife is 29, and we are considering divorce because I’m not physically attracted to her as much as she would like. This has been a problem in our relationship from the beginning. When we started dating I let her know that I would like her to get in better shape if we were going to get married. Eventually I fell in love, and we got married despite her not being what I would be physically attracted to. I prefer women that are thin and fit, and she is a little above average. I would classify her as having some “problem areas.” I often (too much for her liking) do express disappointment at her lack of progress, and this has caused arguments and led to our situation now.
> 
> She wants me to find her desireable physically, but I don’t, and she’s not willing to get to where I would see her that way. I’d be fine living like this (I think), as I love who she is, and looks fade regardless, but she doesn’t want to stay with me if I can’t feel that way about her. Should we just call it quits, or is this relationship worth trying to save?


You are attracted to stick insects and yet you married a WOMAN.

You created the situation, what is your solution?


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## x598 (Nov 14, 2012)

MaiChi said:


> This is one of the most wrong marriages that I have heard of. You cannot marry someone on condition he/she changes to something or somebody else.


how ironic. isn't one of the oldest sayings that women do change...and then expect those changes to be accepted by their spouse?

let me play devils advocate here after more thought on this subject.

lets say for the moment this wasn't about physical looks. instead, lets substitute religion, sporting activities, political beliefs, whatever, instead of physical looks.

I think anyone entering a relationship should be applauded for being honest about what their wants/needs are (be it the man or the woman) and going forward into that relationship with those desires being well know. if that was the case....maybe we would have a lot less divorce.


it seems to me the OP did spell out his desire. and his wife accepted (by continuing the relationship) and even decided to marry.


or, what if it were the other way around? what if the woman spelled out her need for "whatever" and then a few years down the road and after marriage, the OP then decided he wanted nothing to do with it. what it be any different?


I'll take it a step further. the OP's wife agreed....and yet now wants to be "accepted" by him for however she decides to live from this point forward. To me, this is code speak for "I don't care what you though was important in the beginning, I want to never worry about my looks or physique and you should accept me no matter how obese I become".


For everyone piling on this guy about how horrible he is....I just am not getting there. i think he made a huge mistake by marrying her, but I also the she is just as culpable for continuing the relationship and bares blame here as well.


I still would like the OP to go into greater detail about all this.


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## Bibi1031 (Sep 14, 2015)

x598 said:


> how ironic. isn't one of the oldest sayings that women do change...and then expect those changes to be accepted by their spouse?
> 
> let me play devils advocate here after more thought on this subject.
> 
> ...


The way he phrased things showcase his maturity level; and hers too of course for accepting it. 

It is well known that we have types of people we are attracted to, yet seldomly do any of us marry the type we are attracted to because as we mature, we fall in love we a partner that can provide/offer so much more than mere attraction. In other words, our brain kicks in not just freaking chemicals which is what attraction is.

Love Trump's attraction when the maturity in choosing a life partner is used with better tools under our belts. I didn't marry and had children with my type of guy. That would have been a total disaster. Not father or marriage material at all, but darn good looking as hell!


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

At 35, the man is childish. It’s like saying I don’t like to eat turnip, but as it’s there I will, but it’s not my fault I ate it. Nonsense!


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Rick12 said:


> I am attracted to my wife, I think she’s a beautiful woman, just not as much as I could be. I don’t want our relationship to end, as I’m aware that looks will fade and personality will not. Would I like her to be in better shape? Of course, but it isn’t a deal breaker for me. She wants me to want her as though she was in the best shape possible, but she isn’t, so I am not as attracted as I could be.




Shallow. Completely shallow. Divorce the poor woman so she can find a real partner who thinks she is beautiful exactly as she is!




Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Rick12 (May 18, 2019)

I appreciate the feedback given by those who were able to provide an opinion without rushing to judgement. I married my wife because I love her personality and I love the time we spend together. She’s a wonderful woman and I’m lucky to have her. I do not find her ugly, she’s just not what I would ideally be attracted to physically. Despite that I still married her because it was worth it to me. I’m not wanting to divorce her, nor leave her. I’m also completely aware of what I’ve done, how much an ass I was, and why she feels the way she does. I think she is 100% justified in feeling the way she does. My question is about whether or not the relationship is worth salvaging if I am able to work on my issues. Can people move past things like lacking physical attraction, and can women move past husbands being absolute giant asses to them in the past.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

What ARE you doing to work on your issues?

They stem from your childhood, you know. 

My brother kept dating pretty stick figures for 20 years and each relationship failed...because he just had to have that 'look.' By the time he was 35, he figured he'd be single the rest of his life cos none of his stick figures had a decent personality or head on her shoulders - they were all about their looks, with nothing inside. 

When he was 35, he met a wonderful, fun, engaging decent-looking woman who didn't take sh*t from him, and they had a great marriage. She taught him to shed that childhood need he had to be seen as the guy who caught the hot chick.

I get wanting her to be in shape. We all like great-looking bodies. What's at issue is why you NEED a great-looking body in your bed.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Rick12 said:


> I appreciate the feedback given by those who were able to provide an opinion without rushing to judgement. I married my wife because I love her personality and I love the time we spend together. She’s a wonderful woman and I’m lucky to have her. I do not find her ugly, she’s just not what I would ideally be attracted to physically. Despite that I still married her because it was worth it to me. I’m not wanting to divorce her, nor leave her. I’m also completely aware of what I’ve done, how much an ass I was, and why she feels the way she does. I think she is 100% justified in feeling the way she does. My question is about whether or not the relationship is worth salvaging if I am able to work on my issues. *Can people move past things like lacking physical attraction, and can women move past husbands being absolute giant asses to them in the past.*




You might be able to move past the lack of physical attraction and _settle_ for her because of what else she brings to your life; but, your wife isn't willing to _settle _because she wants a husband who is wild about her. She could probably get past a giant ass if the issue was you were teasing her about liking broccoli or beanie babies. But, knowing that your lover thinks your body is sub-par? Nope. She deserves better. 

Respect her enough to not try to convince her that the two of you can still have a good life in spite of this one _little _problem.


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## notmyjamie (Feb 5, 2019)

It's nice to know you do see her side of things. I wonder if you have any insight into just how badly you've probably eroded her self esteem though. There's being a giant ass and then there's being a deeply hurtful person. Repeatedly tell your wife how she doesn't measure up to your standards is beyond hurtful to her. 

So the question now is, can she overcome that and stay with you? Only she knows that for sure but I think it would take a lot of good therapy for that to happen. As I said in my earlier post, you need some therapy to figure out why you'd think it was okay to marry someone and then chip away at her self esteem repeatedly. You need to figure out why you got together with her in the first place if you weren't attracted to her. Only by working on yourself first can you hope to have something worth bringing to her to want to save the marriage. 

But, if she has asked for a divorce, I'm not sure you can save it. When a woman is done, she's done. It may have taken her years to realize that she deserves to be with someone who appreciates her and is attracted to her as she is but now that she's realized it, she can't go back. If she were my friend, I'd be telling her to proceed with the divorce and wishing her luck in finding someone who has the genuine hots for her...and by your description of her, I bet there are already a bunch of guys who do. There are many men who like a women with a little meat on her bones so to speak. It's fine if you don't, but next time, don't marry someone who does and then make her feel like **** about herself. That's just cruel, whether you meant it to be or not.

I'm sorry that is not the answer you wanted. I do wish you luck in getting a good outcome here.


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## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

Rick12 said:


> My question is about whether or not the relationship is worth salvaging if I am able to work on my issues.


I would say definitely yes, it is worth saving. You seem to have a good marriage..... that's golden.... give this your very best shot. Get any help you need to work through.



Rick12 said:


> Can people move past things like lacking physical attraction,


Yes. You can be one of those people who look at a picture of Marilyn Monroe and see only her mole..... or, you can gain an appreciation for the rest of her.... it's a choice.... there are no perfect people.... but your wife is a good one.....and, I'm quite sure you can overlook these minor issues.....



Rick12 said:


> and can women move past husbands being absolute giant asses to them in the past.


Well, I surely cannot speak for women.... but I'm here to tell you that I got over my wife being an ass about my anatomy. I didn't care that she was an ass. That was forgivable....

However, the fact that she was disappointed in me was something I never got over. It ruined our sexuality for me. No matter how many times she tried to tell me that she accepted me as I was, I could never believe it. No amount of forgiveness could cover it, I came to our bed with strong reservations, and finally, there was just no sex at all between us. I stopped. The pleasure wasn't worth the pain.



Rick12 said:


> I married my wife because I love her personality and I love the time we spend together.


My wife married me because of my "qualities".... I was a practicing Christian, a successful businessman, a devoted husband and father.... but, when she expressed that to me, internally, the "message" came through that she would have preferred other guys as a partner, but she married me because she couldn't find one of them who could "supply"..... I was a "plan B provider guy", a "settle"..... 

Strangely, the qualities I really wanted to have and to live by ?? Became a complete source of resentment..... I didn't really wish that I was a selfish ******* member of her **** carousel.... but, the honest truth was that I didn't want to be her husband anymore. I didn't want to sacrifice my life, my time, my money, and my effort to just be a "plan B".

I have to admit, that following the "message"..... I was significantly more self-interested..... divorce would have turned both our lives into a train wreck, so I didn't..... but I wanted to.....



notmyjamie said:


> When a woman is done, she's done.


 @notmyjamie is qualified to say this..... I can only say that when a man is done, he's done....too...


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Rick12 said:


> Can people move past things like lacking physical attraction, and can women move past husbands being absolute giant asses to them in the past.


Can people climb Everest?


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

I heard the best advice from Dan Savage... when you find a great .6 you round that person up to a 1. And you treat that person like they are a 1. Because NO ONE is a 1, even you... and the truth is she rounds you up to a higher number as well.


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## Bibi1031 (Sep 14, 2015)

Rick12 said:


> I appreciate the feedback given by those who were able to provide an opinion without rushing to judgement. I married my wife because I love her personality and I love the time we spend together. She’s a wonderful woman and I’m lucky to have her. I do not find her ugly, she’s just not what I would ideally be attracted to physically. Despite that I still married her because it was worth it to me. I’m not wanting to divorce her, nor leave her. I’m also completely aware of what I’ve done, how much an ass I was, and why she feels the way she does. I think she is 100% justified in feeling the way she does. My question is about whether or not the relationship is worth salvaging if I am able to work on my issues. Can people move past things like lacking physical attraction, and can women move past husbands being absolute giant asses to them in the past.


Well thank goodness there is hope for you yet. Thanks for posting again and in a more mature manner. I hope your wife is not totally done with you. But may she never take to heart your immature crap regarding the over used attraction card. 

Love and a wonderful partner that earned that emotion is worth their weight in gold! Stop looking for the diamond when the rare Ruby is just as precious and loves you back!

Seek professional help please. You will grow so much instead of being in a maturity level that got stunted due to whatever reasons as you were growing up. At 35, attraction should have never had the importance you placed on it. It is so sad, you damaged you partner terribly that she may very well not recover fully from the emotional toll having met you caused her. 

I hope you are aware of the damage you have caused the person you vowed to love, respect and be your other half in this life journey. She is the only one that has the answers for you. Did you finally wake up because you really feel she is done with you and your ****?

If she is done, let her go and get yourself healed and healthy for your next relationship. You sadly killed this one and you can't revive a dead horse so to speak.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

This is something you need to talk you your wife about. For me... the damage would already be done and there is no going back from this. I would never be able to feel comfortable, loved, and respected by you again. But then again I am super sensitive. You need to talk to your wife and see if she can look past this.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Rick,
Do you have kids?






Rick12 said:


> I’m 35 and my wife is 29, and we are considering divorce because I’m not physically attracted to her as much as she would like. This has been a problem in our relationship from the beginning. When we started dating I let her know that I would like her to get in better shape if we were going to get married. Eventually I fell in love, and we got married despite her not being what I would be physically attracted to. I prefer women that are thin and fit, and she is a little above average. I would classify her as having some “problem areas.” I often (too much for her liking) do express disappointment at her lack of progress, and this has caused arguments and led to our situation now.
> 
> She wants me to find her desireable physically, but I don’t, and she’s not willing to get to where I would see her that way. I’d be fine living like this (I think), as I love who she is, and looks fade regardless, but she doesn’t want to stay with me if I can’t feel that way about her. Should we just call it quits, or is this relationship worth trying to save?


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

ConanHub said:


> This is still silly.
> 
> Take her like a damn pirate taking a captive virgin!
> 
> ...


I just saw this. Fantastic post. Most inspiring. That's an attitude I suspect a lot of women could get behind. As a man, I think it rocks.


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## UpsideDownWorld11 (Feb 14, 2018)

Rick12 said:


> I am attracted to my wife, I think she’s a beautiful woman, just not as much as I could be. I don’t want our relationship to end, as I’m aware that looks will fade and personality will not. Would I like her to be in better shape? Of course, but it isn’t a deal breaker for me. She wants me to want her as though she was in the best shape possible, but she isn’t, so I am not as attracted as I could be.


I don't think its unrealistic to expect your mate to be physically fit. You don't just buy a piece of ligerie and automatically become sexy, the fat rolls tend to take away from the viewing pleasure, I don't care how good her personality is. I think its not too much to ask for her to want to look good for you. Unless you yourself are a slob, then you are just a hypocrite. 

What would happen if you got a gym membership for the two of you? Would she go or just sit on the couch munching cheetoes?


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

UpsideDownWorld11 said:


> I don't think its unrealistic to expect your mate to be physically fit. You don't just buy a piece of ligerie and automatically become sexy, the fat rolls tend to take away from the viewing pleasure, I don't care how good her personality is. I think its not too much to ask for her to want to look good for you. Unless you yourself are a slob, then you are just a hypocrite.
> 
> What would happen if you got a gym membership for the two of you? Would she go or just sit on the couch munching cheetoes?


Hopefully she'd tell him to shove that bag of cheetos...


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

UpsideDownWorld11 said:


> Rick12 said:
> 
> 
> > I am attracted to my wife, I think she’s a beautiful woman, just not as much as I could be. I don’t want our relationship to end, as I’m aware that looks will fade and personality will not. Would I like her to be in better shape? Of course, but it isn’t a deal breaker for me. She wants me to want her as though she was in the best shape possible, but she isn’t, so I am not as attracted as I could be.
> ...


Wow. We don't even know that she has "fat rolls". OP said her weight was a little above average. That she has some "problem areas". You can be fit and still have some problem areas. She does not sound obese at all from what he described. People have different body types. Hers isn't the type he prefers. Not everyone is going to be in the BEST SHAPE POSSIBLE and it's unrealistic to expect that. For a lot of people, to be in the best shape possible means they'd have to have their primary focus be on what they eat, with their main life priority exercising. 

Newsflash: Average people*can* be thought of as attractive.


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## BluesPower (Mar 27, 2018)

Rick12 said:


> I am attracted to my wife, I think she’s a beautiful woman, just not as much as I could be. I don’t want our relationship to end, as I’m aware that looks will fade and personality will not. Would I like her to be in better shape? Of course, but it isn’t a deal breaker for me. She wants me to want her as though she was in the best shape possible, but she isn’t, so I am not as attracted as I could be.


Sorry Rick, this is on you. Further to say, sorry but you are a goof.

You made a big mistake and it is your fault, so be a man and end it...

I am not sure what your issue is, but I find larger woman can "feel" much better, but that is just me.

All but my Current GF who is French, thin, hot a **** and feels WONDERFUL...

You really stepped in it this time...


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## UpsideDownWorld11 (Feb 14, 2018)

Livvie said:


> Newsflash: Average people*can* be thought of as attractive.


Maybe but if your mate is a 9 (not that he is) and your a 6 (not that she is), you have to work a little harder or I would think you would want to.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

BluesPower said:


> Sorry Rick, this is on you. Further to say, sorry but you are a goof.
> 
> You made a big mistake and it is your fault, so be a man and end it...
> 
> ...


Pretty sure OP said she isnt a "larger" woman, she has "problem areas."  Guess my belly pooch on my 130lb frame would be considered a dealbreaker! :grin2:


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

UpsideDownWorld11 said:


> Livvie said:
> 
> 
> > Newsflash: Average people*can* be thought of as attractive.
> ...


OP married this woman in the hopes she would change and surprise, surprise....she didn't. He nagged her to no avail and now she wants a divorce. He married a project not a person. 

Fixer uppers are for houses and cars....not for people.


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## SongoftheSouth (Apr 22, 2014)

Rick as we (men) get older (mature) our perspectives change. When I was young I placed high value on how hot my girl was and I married based on looks rather than more important things such as character etc.. I regretted that. Looks fade and we all get older. Ask yourself is this a good person or not. Physical attraction may very well change with time as we all mature. All the best.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

Rick12 said:


> My question is about whether or not the relationship is worth salvaging if I am able to work on my issues. Can people move past things like lacking physical attraction, and can women move past husbands being absolute giant asses to them in the past.


People can only move past things that are no longer an issue. If it's something that is still a problem, no, that cannot be moved past. If you are still not attracted to your wife, that's not past; that's present. Now if you mean that you work on building attraction to your wife and genuinely become attracted and crazy about her, she might be able to move past that, but it would take herculean effort on your part of constantly reassuring and loving on her for her to ever feel that you were being truthful.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Rick, you are entitled to have whatever you want, your choice. However if you belittle/nag, etc someone and esp a female about their body it does a mountain of damage. You describe yourself as an ass, that is minimising what you have done. Saying sorry is not going to cut it, neither As ass forgets to buy flowers, etc. Now you say you have changed your mind, doesn't she have a say?
It's like hammering nails into wood, you remove the nails, you still leave the nail marks in the wood. 
If she has decided she wants a divorce, let her go. The only alternative is you spend your time in action showing her you really love her and want to make this right. However, it is very difficult to fake physical attraction.


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