# Need mens advice



## lovegonewrong (Jan 5, 2010)

I am a married woman who has been having an affair with a married man for over two years now. we will call this married man Ted, Ted and i have been having an affair for over two years and during those two years we had a child together that we kept a secret up until a couple months ago. Ted and his wife are relitives of my husband. Ted had came to me about 6 months ago and told me he was leaving his wife for me and wanted to be together, (mean while my marriage has been on the rocks for a couple months) so we started having more of an emotional affiar as to just a sexual affair, he was around my family and friends and telling them how much he loves me and wants us to be together. His wife and I finally talked a couple of weeks ago and I found out he has been living a double life. He painted the picture that his marriage was over and there was nothing between them. But actually it was totally differant. He was still having sex with her and they were living a normal marriage except for me. He tells me he is there out of oblagation and that he does love me and that this is killing him and that he doesnt want me moving on and doesnt want me to be with anyone else and that he is hurting as much as I am. I dont know weather to believe him or not. In a mans opion what do you think is going on? What should I do? PLEASE HELP


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## 63Vino (Dec 23, 2009)

K,
"Actions speak louder than words".

My "opinion" as a man is that he is manipulating you both with words and lies made from them.


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

i actually think you are all manipulating each other. what a mess


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## Atholk (Jul 25, 2009)

lovegonewrong said:


> His wife and I finally talked a couple of weeks ago and I found out he has been living a double life.


You mean... you think he's cheating on you... with his wife?


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## iWonder (Jan 2, 2010)

I think there are two most likely possibilities:
1. He is a total cheat, liar, etc and a special type of 'abuser'. If he is this type, he is getting pleasure out of manipulating and controlling you. Does he exhibit other abusive and controlling traits? Does he control every little aspect of his wife (what she wears, who she socializes with, where she goes)? or 
2. He is actually a 'good' person trying to do his best for everyone. Perhaps he basically, and rather passively 'fell out of love with his wife' No big fights, no big scenes, but just no longer any excitement or desire for her. I think when that happens, a truly just go along. Why should he have left her before now? He didn't have to. He got to see you, spend intimate time with you, apparently go to parties with you, etc. Why go to the enormous bother and expense of dividing, reorganizing and disrupting at least two families when it was working just fine as a secret? However, now that it is all out in the open, it is D day. If he really loves you, this is his out and he will be all over it in a New York minute. All of the chaos and hurt that would be caused by telling his wife before, is going to happen now anyway. BEFORE, there was no reason to go, NOW, there is no reason to stay. If money, the cost of a divorce, becomes the 'reason', it is only an excuse.


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## Rose3 (Jan 11, 2010)

How did you keep a child a secret? Does you husband know about this child?


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## Mittens (Jan 9, 2010)

At the risk of sounding judgemental, (and I truly don't mean too) I would look at it as if "Ted" could do something to someone else, why not to you?
Meaning, if he could cheat on his wife with you, even to the extent of fathering a "secret child", what would make you think that he wouldn't completely lie and deceive you as he did his wife?
Does your husband know that this child isn't his? 
I could only imagine the pain of raising a child only to find out later it was deceitfully not even yours...
Not to say I'm sure, that wouldn't make your husband love your child any less, but it is still vastly unfair to him.


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

Rose3 said:


> How did you keep a child a secret? Does you husband know about this child?


Rose!! Sorry - I had the same thought for a minute and almost typed the same thing!!

I'm guessing she told her hubby the kid was his.


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## CaliRN (Jan 2, 2010)

how about using a condom when ur having sex with him!!!!, i feel bad for your husband who probably thinks that child is his and is paying for that child


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