# super woman referance



## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

I have read a number of referances about how some married women think they do all the work, raise all the kids and,act resentfull about


I know that in my marriage the reason I let her do most of the things mentioned is because they don't like the way I would do it even if its a better way they want you to do it their way or the complain why did you do it like that with an eyeroll to go with it and I think most husband get fed up with that attitude and figure if it has to be your way then you can do it.

only when its important to me do I say NO this is how its going to be if you don't like too bad. 

for a long time I would try and do things but she always thinks her way is better.

it get old always doing it her way.

it could be as simple as making iced tea or as difficult as doing homework with the kids. if its not her way theres an eyeroll and a smart a$$ comment.


eventually I say find then do it yourself 


there have even been many times where it was obveious after the fact that my way was better and the next time she tries to do it her way. 


listen ladies theres more than one way to skin a cat if you want your man to help and do more thing then except the way he dose them and if you have to comment tread lightly and even if that don't work then learn to live with some of the imperfact way he dose them.


or keep being a b-t-h and do it all yourself.


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## pidge70 (Jan 17, 2011)

Dang! Upset a tad?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

pidge70 said:


> Dang! Upset a tad?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


not at all. rather calm and collected today thanks.

just thought if some of these woman who act like maryters seen their roll in it they might lighten up some.


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## pidge70 (Jan 17, 2011)

I'm not a martyr nor would I want to be. They always die for their cause...I'll take a pass on that.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## deejov (Sep 24, 2011)

I agree with you. If you tell her this, she might be surprised to hear it, and if she is a decent person, she will back off and let you do it your way. Mother child dynamic in a marriage sucks. Use the word "husband" and "person" and tell her to treat you like one. 
And geez, there are more important things in life than how the laundry gets folded. Really. She's treating you like this because you let her.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

pidge70 said:


> I'm not a martyr nor would I want to be. They always die for their cause...I'll take a pass on that.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


or get divorced because they are always right


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

deejov said:


> I agree with you. If you tell her this, she might be surprised to hear it, and if she is a decent person, she will back off and let you do it your way. Mother child dynamic in a marriage sucks. Use the word "husband" and "person" and tell her to treat you like one.
> And geez, there are more important things in life than how the laundry gets folded. Really. She's treating you like this because you let her.


this was just a general observation I see on here all the time and yes if I let her she would do the same.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

I get your frustration, but compromise can go a long way. Though it should be a two way street and navigating it is where communication comes in. Anyways, whether compromise is in it for you or not, if you ever do choose to accomodate her wish make sure to never harbor any resentment over it. (note I say this from my experience doing the wrong thing)


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## SockPuppet (May 16, 2011)

chillymorn said:


> I have read a number of referances about how some married women think they do all the work, raise all the kids and,act resentfull about


Im sure there are many married women who not only feel this way, but in fact, are this way.

Id liken it to all the sexless marriage guys.

Guys think they are doing everything to promote a positive sexual dynamic, but are actually shooting themselves in the foot with the "nice guy" antics.

Women can be the same. Just make sure you arent painting with such a large brush.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

I resent the fact that the people who made comment as to painting with a broad brush and not all women are that way did not read the first sentance of my orginal post.

you can read what sockpuppet has in quotes in the previous post and tell me where a broad brush was used.


NO WHERE did I say all women are this way.

thanks LON for the responce compromise is always a good thing.

deejov, thanks for the responce ,yes I've told her many time I am to the point where I sick of haveing to tell her something she should know it get old always being on guard to defend yourself and fighting to get a fair say.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

chillymorn said:


> ...thanks LON for the responce compromise is always a good thing.


well, erm, don't take it too far though 

"often" > "always"


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## deejov (Sep 24, 2011)

No, not all women are like this. (I'm not). The petty stuff is just that. When I was 23, and living with a boyfriend that pretty anal about stuff, he did things like dumping out a dresser drawer and telling me to re-fold everything. I had been told more than once how to fold them, and I did not listen. I just stopped doing laundry. Do it yourself. I understand this behavior... and think it's ridiculous.
It's a personality trait. Comes with the person. 

If it's my boss... I do whatever they want. Have no choice.
If it's my spouse... I would expect compromise. I'll try my best to do it halfway. 

I also found out that when it comes to houshold stuff... sometimes it's easier if you write down what you LIKE to do. If you hate doing dishes, then offer to do something else. And put it in writing. It gets done your way when you do it. And shut up if your way is better, it's their task to do. 

Stand up and get the mother off your back. It ruins the whole sexy husband thing. I'm living through this. It sucks.


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## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

Lon said:


> I get your frustration, but compromise can go a long way. Though it should be a two way street and navigating it is where communication comes in. Anyways, whether compromise is in it for you or not, if you ever do choose to accomodate her wish make sure to never harbor any resentment over it. (note I say this from my experience doing the wrong thing)



Someone posted awhile back reference to a study where if you add up the self-reported contributions for each spouse the total works comes out to 125% (or some number quite a bit larger than 100%). It is good to remember that all of us tend to remember the hard work we do and overlook the hard work of others. It is just human nature. I try to remember this when I think things are uneven, and then really think about the work my wife does, before I raise the issue. It has actually saved me from eating some humble pie a couple of times when things were even or I was the one who need to pick up the slack.


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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

VICE VERSA. That's all I have to say LMAO


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

Tall Average Guy said:


> It is good to remember that all of us tend to remember the hard work we do and overlook the hard work of others. It is just human nature.


Well, not all of us, I don't think it is human nature it has to do more with attachment styles. I tend to remember the things I didn't get done and focus on my failures. I also tend to feel like a burden on others and that they must be doing more than me and working harder. In my marriage I felt like I was doing 30% of the things that need to be done (well more like I half-completed 60% of them), but feel like she was only doing 25%. For me, as the low self-esteem person I can be, when I feel like I am outperforming my spouse it indicates a real problem. In all honesty I just felt so far out of reality that I didn't even try to assign fault to anyone nor did I feel capable of sucking it up, it was just all so overwhelming. In hindsight, I am realizing I was picking up a lot of her slack, and am most certain that she wasn't doing any heavy lifting, though it has been easy to overlook the contributions she did make.


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

chillymorn said:


> I have read a number of referances about how some married women think they do all the work, raise all the kids and,act resentfull about


Well, statistics seem to inidicate that for housework and childcare, working women do seem to bear more of the burden. American Time Use Survey Summary

Resentment, of course, is always optional.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

Enchantment said:


> Well, statistics seem to inidicate that for housework and childcare, working women do seem to bear more of the burden. American Time Use Survey Summary
> 
> Resentment, of course, is always optional.


key word there is working women.


find a study that say sahm's do more work than there working husbands.


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

chillymorn said:


> key word there is working women.
> 
> 
> find a study that say sahm's do more *work* than there working husbands.


You'll have to define what you mean by "work" - as in housework, childcare, etc.

According to this link, a SAHM (in 2007 when the study was done) would earn over $138,000 a year for the 'work' that she does. Stay-at-Home Moms Worth Six Figures - ABC News

Edited to add: I think that maybe it just all boils down to a lack of appreciation. I've also seen a number of posts from men who complain that their wives don't seem to appreciate them for what they do. So, I think the moral of the story - show appreciation for the things your spouse does.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

Enchantment said:


> You'll have to define what you mean by "work" - as in housework, childcare, etc.
> 
> According to this link, a SAHM (in 2007 when the study was done) would earn over $138,000 a year for the 'work' that she does. Stay-at-Home Moms Worth Six Figures - ABC News
> 
> Edited to add: I think that maybe it just all boils down to a lack of appreciation. I've also seen a number of posts from men who complain that their wives don't seem to appreciate them for what they do. So, I think the moral of the story - show appreciation for the things your spouse does.


symbolic salary whatever that means 

that study is tainted with conflict of interests.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

this notion that sahm are worth six figure incomes and is much harder than working out in the work force is just bull crap.


if you look at the formula on how they came up with that outragious number its just crazy.


i've heard this many time over the years and I decided to do a survey of some of the best moms I knew that after raising children entered the work force.

first I asked my mom.

and she said that working out in the work force was and is much harded than being a stay at home mom. in every way.

she raise 3 boys and 1 girl and my father did as little as possible because in his mind he worked hard in a steelmill.


next I asked a coworker the same question and she she also said the same thing.and then said it insults her that these studies devalue her job so easilt just to make some moms feel good .


I asked a few more women who also raised children and then went into the work force and they all agreed no comparision being in the work force is harder 

real life experiance is good enough for me instead of propaganda for the internet .



so lets hear it any women want to weigh in .you have to have experianced both to chime in.


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

I really think it's just a matter of a person's perception, chilly.

I've stayed home with my two boys on extended maternity leave (6 mos ea time), but otherwise have worked outside the home for the last 20+ years. I personally found staying at home much harder for many reasons (not the least of which was that I had absolutely no support network and I also work in a fast-paced, ever-changing technology job that makes extended periods of time away difficult), but I think it would depend on the kind of job you have too - some jobs are more demanding - and sometimes mentally demanding ones can be as draining as physically demanding ones. Just depends on the outlook and perspective of the person.

Not sure what's really being debated at this point, I guess. Everybody's life experiences and realities will be different. It doesn't devalue one option (e.g., staying home ) or the other (working outside home). I'm just happy that there ARE more options and choices for both men and women nowadays.

And, you will have to admit that there are going to be legitimate cases where one or the other spouse doesn't pull their full weight. It happens all the time - whether working or not, staying at home or not, husband or wife. The world is full of all kinds.


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

chillymorn said:


> this notion that sahm are worth six figure incomes and is much harder than working out in the work force is just bull crap.
> 
> 
> if you look at the formula on how they came up with that outragious number its just crazy.
> ...


I've done both and I would take working full time in accounting ANY day over throw up on me and wiping up crap. ANY DAY. 
In fact, I would say any woman who is a stay at home mom is out of her mind. Little interaction with adults, washing dishes/bottles/babies, laundry over and over again, crying/hollering kids. The day I got my sanity back was when I shoved my son in daycare and joined the workforce.
Anybody who thinks otherwise, has never been a full time at home parent.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

Therealbrighteyes said:


> I've done both and I would take working full time in accounting ANY day over throw up on me and wiping up crap. ANY DAY.
> In fact, I would say any woman who is a stay at home mom is out of her mind. Little interaction with adults, washing dishes/bottles/babies, laundry over and over again, crying/hollering kids. The day I got my sanity back was when I shoved my son in daycare and joined the workforce.
> Anybody who thinks otherwise, has never been a full time at home parent.


it my be true for you but to gereralise like that is not a good idea all the women I asked this to said the exact oppisite.


I guess some were ment to be sahm's and other wern't.


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