# Affection, not Sex



## DiZ (May 15, 2012)

I like sex with my man a lot. But I also like affection. Little kisses during the day, hugs, maybe a total of not even 30 seconds a day. I talk to my man about this a lot. I have even told him that our relationship will not sustain if he doesn't show me some affection. Yes we could have sex every night but I need more. He is in pain right now with sciatica and we have not had sex for 2 weeks. That is the longest we have gone and that does not bother me. He is in pain and I understand. I get migraines and sex is the last thing on my mind when I get them. But I cannot go day to day to day without a little kiss or a touch. I will dry up into an old prune. When I tell him this things will be ok for a few days and then it'll peter out again. He was o so affectionate when we first met of course the honeymoon stage and all that. Sometimes when maybe the 8th day goes by without even a peck on the cheek I just want to run away or climb into bed and pull the covers over my head and just fade away. I am tired of being the one to initiate affection all the time. Am I being selfish? He does ask if I need anything a lot. Can he make me coffee, etc. and yes that is sweet and means a lot but I need touch.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

DiZ said:


> I like sex with my man a lot. But I also like affection. Little kisses during the day, hugs, maybe a total of not even 30 seconds a day. I talk to my man about this a lot. I have even told him that our relationship will not sustain if he doesn't show me some affection. Yes we could have sex every night but I need more. He is in pain right now with sciatica and we have not had sex for 2 weeks. That is the longest we have gone and that does not bother me. He is in pain and I understand. I get migraines and sex is the last thing on my mind when I get them. But I cannot go day to day to day without a little kiss or a touch. I will dry up into an old prune. When I tell him this things will be ok for a few days and then it'll peter out again. He was o so affectionate when we first met of course the honeymoon stage and all that. Sometimes when maybe the 8th day goes by without even a peck on the cheek I just want to run away or climb into bed and pull the covers over my head and just fade away. I am tired of being the one to initiate affection all the time. Am I being selfish? He does ask if I need anything a lot. Can he make me coffee, etc. and yes that is sweet and means a lot but I need touch.


The top of your love languages is *Physical Touch*, I can easily see what his is... *ACTS OF SERVICE*.... 








http://talkaboutmarriage.com/genera...-languages-how-does-affect-your-marraige.html


















You and he are badly missing each other... Have you ever read the book ? (in link above - also tests)

We tend to give the Love languages we ourselves crave... and if our languages are stark opposites of each other ....this causes alot of hurt in relationships. To get a handle on these things early within a marriage is very helpful to it's over-all happiness.


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## DiZ (May 15, 2012)

SimplyAmorous said:


> The top of your love languages is *Physical Touch*, I can easily see what his is... *ACTS OF SERVICE*....
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Thank you. Very informative.


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## heavensangel (Feb 12, 2012)

SimplyAmorous is right! We took the test. Thinking like most others that my H 1st love language would be physical touch; boy was I surprised to find out it was 'Words of Affirmation'; physical touch is his 2nd. Should have had a clue as he's always giving me praise and encouragement. But never would have thought it until we took the test, read the book and did the workbook. 

Mine are: Quality Time and Acts of Service. Quality Time can be a challenge for us as H works away from home 3 weeks/ then he's home for 3 weeks. But we make it work - thank GOD for unlimited mobile to mobile.


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## Tango (Sep 30, 2012)

Diz:

I live with chronic pain due to 4 back surgeries. I also,have a sexless marriage partly because my H "understood" and was being "considerate". I guess my first suggestion is to not let not having sex go for too long. I wish my H would have at least asked me over the years for anything. I don't think you are being selfish at all. Maybe the next time he asks if he can do something for you you could tell him then what you need. I don't like being the only one to initiate either.


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## DiZ (May 15, 2012)

We did talk and had sex tonight. I know he is in pain but he enjoyed it as always. I did too. I missed being close to my sweetheart. 2 weeks is a long time. I think it put him to sleep, always does. He has not slept good for the 2 weeks so maybe it helped. haha

Anyway thank you for your reply.


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