# What should I ask in Divorce??



## trying2bstrong (May 14, 2012)

So quick recap my husband left me 35 weeks pregnant with our 22 month old and moved overseas without us. Now that he isn't in the country he wants to settle out of court... I'm sure because he'd exhaust his vacation days traveling back and forth for hearings and probably still doesn't want to face me.

He has ALL our belongings.. cars, clothes etc.

I'm not settling out of court but I don't want to miss anything and I need to prepare.. Custody.. finances.. support etc. 

How does this work??


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

If you get a good deal out of him out of court there is nothing wrong with setteling out of court. But you most likely will need an attorney.

Do you have access to any money right now? Do you work outside the home?

How did he happen to take all of your worldly possessions with him? That was not very nice of him to put it mildly.

Is he in the military? 

Why is he overseas?

Knowing what state you live in will help a lot.

How long ago did he leave you?

I assume you do not own a home, is that right?

Those questions are not just being nosey, they are needed to help you.


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## trying2bstrong (May 14, 2012)

Military.. we were suppose to be moving overseas together.. while in route I came to visit family and have the baby when he texted me the news of no longer wanting to be married. I will PM you the rest


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## Honeystly (Mar 1, 2012)

Hi, I will PM you as soon as I get more time, but I would focus on custody first of all.... shared is the standard but you will prob. get primary residence since the babies are small. No overnights while you're breast feeding, so breast feed... Child support, certainly gets calculated on the proportion of time you spend with the kids. vs what he spends with the kids. Division of property should be about 40/60 he 40 you 60% (at least in Australia), since you have the primary care. With custody, I would ask for a morality clause (no gf. sleeping over when the kids are there, unless living together or engaged), since the kids don't need people coming in and out of their lives while they are so young. Don't agree to 50/50 custody. Kids need to feel they have a home base. There was a study done on how 50/50 creates 'ping pong kids' and messes them up...splits their personality sort of. My friend had that happen to her, and it really messed up her little boy. Consider holidays, vacations, father mother days and birthdays. Who's with the kids then? Daycare... he should contribute. Extra curricular activities for kids, he could help too, although if he didn't meet your littlest one yet and served you while you were giving birth, essentially (what a complete d*ick!) then I wouldn't hold my breath. Cars should get split. Think who will have the kids on their health insurance, claim taxes for them. Think of being able to access (call kids) when they are with the other parent. Establish an agreement on communication... how, when, what time frame before he needs to get back to you. THink future, will he agree to help with the kids tertiary education? Good luck doll. Congratulations on your bubba and keep strong.


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