# Never Knew Pain Like This



## ghostgirl (Feb 1, 2010)

Shortly after 2010 dawned, I thought it was going to be a great year, better than the last. Little did I know that by the end of the first month of that year my life would be changed forever. Three weeks ago my husband of 15 years tells me he is interested in this other woman. We have had our ups and downs like any other couple, but we have had many wonderful times and generally really enjoy each others' company. We have a 14 year old daughter and an 11 year old son. I didn't know what to say to his confession. Turns out, he planned on openly seeing this woman. He began going to her house, visiting her and her kids and even introduced our kids to them. I pleaded with him to give "us" another chance. I would change whatever it was I needed to change. Truthfully, I didn't know how I could be a much better wife. I have worked while he's gone through school the past four years and have always doted on him and given him his freedom. Even after my pleas, he said he didn't want to give up how happy he was feeling right now. He didn't want to do it, that he was happier than he'd been in a long time.

I thought I could deal with it, change his mind, win him back, but a few days ago after some of the most painful days of my life, and tears upon tears, I asked him to move out, for my own sake. He then changed his Facebook status to say he was in a relationship with this woman, all before any of our friends even knew we were splitting up. I was devastated and embarrassed by all of the messages and im's I started receiving. Then his new girlfriend posted a photo of the two of them together and made it her profile picture. The heartbreak just seems to know no bounds.

I sit here alone and lost. I have lost 20 lbs. in the past month. I can't sleep, and when I do, I wake up repeatedly and cry at the sight of the empty space in the bed beside me. I can't focus at work and I just feel so lonely and lost while trying to be strong for my kids. I don't know why this is happening to me. I have been with him since I was 20 years old. He was my first boyfriend. I do not know how to live without him. I am falling apart.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

You will live without him. You will grieve. You will cry. You will hurt. But ... you *will* live without him. What you cannot possibly imagine at this moment is that there is another side to the pain you now feel. It will take time, work, and support, but you will do it. 

You have already exercised the strength and attitude that is going to carry you through this by insisting that he moves out.


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## whattodo17 (Jan 12, 2010)

deejo-I really loved your post....very true!

ghostgirl-I am so sorry he is doing this to you! You and your children do not deserve that kind of treatment. As someone very wise asked me, "If he did come back, could you deep down ever forgive him for walking out on you and turning his back on your marriage?" Just really think about that.....I know I sit here and seem to forget all the things I was so unhappy about in my marriage and can only remember the good things about what my husband once was....ONCE WAS. You deserve someone to love you and not make you beg and plead. 

Easier said than done I know. Especially when if you are like me, cannot do anything else but think about him.


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## ghostgirl (Feb 1, 2010)

Thank you


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## SurrealPain (Feb 26, 2010)

The immense impact of the emotional trauma, and mental shock, having received the information and news of your partner, having had an affair, has a devastating effect on the human mind. When you are broken inside, after receiving information of your partner, having had an affair, the instantaneous emotional reaction is one of, traumatic mental shock, that will result in a tremendous emotional reaction, of emotional pain and aching, and a feeling of emotional weakness, because of the tremendous amount of mental and emotional pain, that you are experiencing, it is hard to be strong inside. Even coping with life's little challenges, will proof difficult. 
Get support from people you are close with, family or close friends. It is very important that you don't try to battle this alone. The feeling of utter loneliness and desolation, betrayal, and humiliation, is a type of "mental rape". The whole body feels lifeless, and numb, and your whole body goes into shock. Mental shock resonates through the physical body too. It immediately affects your appetite, your organs goes into phalactic shock. The whole body starts to shake, because of the shock to the system. The human mind is so closely attached to the body, that any mental trauma will induce a physical reaction, like nausea, and vomiting, and a sickness to the stomach.
The realization of the fact, that the person, whom you are so close with, and have been in partnership with, the person whom, you share your body with, in intimacy, and enjoying the wonderful pleasures of sex, and passion, has now, broken that precious bond of trust and intimacy, by allowing another person to share the same intimacy, that was so special between yourself and your partner, and corrupting that private special bond and trust, induces a trauma to the body soul and mind.
This is why the reaction of mental shock, of this kind, manifests in different emotional outbursts. Typical emotions are anger, crying, expressions of hatred towards that person, accusations, simultaneously, emotions of forgiveness, and love is common, in a person, in a state of mental shock. The mind is unable to process all the mixed emotions at once, and will respond in various emotional outbursts, of alternating emotions.
These emotions are so violent, and persistent, varying, alternating continuously, that people, find themselves in such a tremendous state of anxiety, and anguish, that they can see no hope, and all they can sense is a feeling of darkness, overwhelming them, and emotions of hopelessness, and desolation sets in. This is indeed a type of "mental crime", committed against the person on the receiving end of this hurtful shocking incident.
The need for closeness and acceptance is suddenly so critical, for the person receiving the shocking news, that a total feeling of desperation sets in. This can affect one’s ability to focus on even, minor responsibilities. This trauma will induce a mental state of complete distraught behavior. Concentration at work is a major factor, affected by this emotional state of mind. This feeling of total disability, is so consuming, that many people collapse, in nervous breakdowns. The psychological trauma, that a person suffers, from, such mental trauma and shock, is horrific.
People need to have someone, nearby, like family members or close friends, just for the moral support. This condition is serious, and it is advisable, that people experiencing this trauma, need to find counseling, pastoral or otherwise. The next mental state of mind, which sets in, is depression, which is a dangerous emotional state of being.
If only, the people, who commits these "mental crimes" against their partners, were aware of the damage they have caused. The partners who, gets involved in affairs, are too weak to resist the temptations, and are unaware of the mental damage, that it will induce to their unsuspecting spouses.


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## sadbear26 (Feb 16, 2010)

hi there am in a very similar situation here with my wife. excepet its the other way around. i sit and cry at night on the couch while shes in the bed. same exact feelings as you been together for a long time now she saved my life and now it feels like its over... it hurts its so sad it makes you sick. have lost so much weight here too. but at the end of the day you have to show yourself that youre strong for you and try to take care of yourself..


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