# Did she do it?



## jryan12341 (Oct 4, 2010)

My wife of 25 years told me over the summer that she didn't love me anymore. She went away on a 2 day business trip last week and this is what I know: she said 4 people from her work were attending the conference and I found out it was was only her and her boss, they rode together< she did not leave any hotel or conference information in case of emergency after asked, she sent a text at 8pm saying she was out to dinner with Lori, I have no idea who lori is, I texted her back and sent my love and asked her to call me after dinner or when she returned to her room, she did not call me or the kids, I found out where the conference was and called her hotel room from 10:30 pm through 3am about every 20 minutes and called her cell phone also with no answers. At 3am she/ someone picked up the hotel phone and when I said hello hung it up, I called her cell phone and she answered, she sounded intoxicated, her voice was raspy and she did not sound sleepy. She said she was in her room at 10 right after dinner and went to sleep, after I told her that I had called the room every twenty minutes she said it was 11 when she got back to the room after having a nightcap at the hotel bar with her boss and lori, she said her cell phone was on vibrate and she got back to the room at 11:30 and didnt hear the room phone ring because it was on low. The next morning they left the conference early at 930 am..and drove home. She denies any wrong doing, wont tell me who went to dinner, the room time, nightcap story has changed a few times. I know it's not right but I looked through her suitcase, her business clothes worn that day were taken off inside out and in disarray, the clothes she normally wears to bed were neatly folded and she was wearing new lacy panties and her boss had the adjoining room to hers. Looking for thoughts and help on this..I am not a controling person and would normally never call and check up on my wife, just something told me to check on her.


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

I wouldn’t confront her at all. Why? If she’s having and affair and wants to keep it up all she will do is lie to you.

I would snoop. There’s software you can use to link your mobile to hers in such a why you can see history of txts, calls etc. Put something on her pc so you can see all her activity. If you find something amiss that’s the time to confront her … with evidence. That’s something she can’t lie her way out of.

Good luck.

Bob


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

She's not being exactly truthful with you. Could be she's having an affair or it could be it's all innocent but she believed you would not accept the truth and she lied to avoid drama with you. Calling every 20 minutes, calling at 3:00am, going through her clothes, etc, sounds a bit over the top. She has already told you she didn't love you. If you found evidence that she was having an affair, how would that change your situation? If your plan is to discover evidence of wrongdoing so you can justify divorcing her, you could always hire a private investigator. If your plan is to save your marriage, you might focus on changing whatever your wife is unhappy about and avoid investigating or interrogating her. Even if she were having an affair, it would be easier for her to discontinue it and come back to you if you weren't aware of it. It's just natural to want to catch her in the act for some "ah ha!" moment, but that will produce one of two things. Either she realizes she's caught and ends the marriage or she feels forced to end the relationship against her will. Neither approach seems likely to advance your goal (if your goal is to win her back). If she is having a fling, most of those fizzle out on their own. If she isn't having an affair, investigating her will only offend her even more. Most women prefer confident, secure men. Your actions during her business trip don't project that image. She should know you are interested in continuing and improving relations with her but you don't want to look desperate. If you want her to desire you, you have to appear desirable. If you can't be strong and confident, try to put on an act of being strong and confident. She's going to do whatever she's going to do, regardless of your efforts. If it's something that is a serious threat to your marriage, it'll make itself obvious in due course. Is her boss married? If so, how likely is it that he's going to leave his wife and lose half his wealth to hook up with your wife and kids?


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

What kind of cell phone service do you have? If you have AT&T, you can view who she's calling and texting by viewing your bill and activity online.

Has she been doing this type of thing a lot lately? Not answering the phone, staying out late, working late, acting odd about where she's been and who she's with, changing stories when you ask questions?


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