# Grandma issues



## cj48060

S


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## Manchester

Because she wants to.


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## EleGirl

How far is not very far.

How old are you and your boyfriend?

How old is your daughter.

She wants to charge you for gas because she has to spend money on gas and auto wear & tear when she drives to and from school. She's absolutely correct to ask you and boyfriend to cover the cost. You should be giving her at least $.54 per mile to cover gas and wear & tear on her vehicle.

Why do you think that you should not cover her expenses for taking care of your child?


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## CuriousBlue

What does your boyfriend think? Would he be willing to pay? Does he think you should?


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## tropicalbeachiwish

Just fork it over and be thankful that you have grandma to babysit. It's still cheaper than hiring a baby sitter or day care. And you can trust her.


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## Manchester

If Grandma is tight for cash then it's understandable. 

If she's got a comfortable nest egg and she's just being a tight wad when it comes to providing for her grandchildren, it's just sad.

Either way the problems are hers.

Don't make them yours.


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## EleGirl

Manchester said:


> If Grandma is tight for cash then it's understandable.
> 
> If she's got a comfortable nest egg and she's just being a tight wad when it comes to providing for her grandchildren, it's just sad.
> 
> Either way the problems are hers.
> 
> Don't make them yours.


What? Grandma is driving her own car to pick up OP’s kid. How is it grandma’s problem? She’s doing a favor for the OP just picking the kid up and babysitting for free. Why should she absorb the cost of transporting the OP’s child?


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## Manchester

EleGirl said:


> Why should she absorb the cost of transporting the OP’s child?


Because she's the children's grandmother.

She's not obligated of course, but it's not out of the question that she'd help out without asking for cash.

I did a search.

Seems to be a debateable issue:

http://www.grandparents.com/family-...for-children/pay-grandparents-for-babysitting

_When we asked Grandparents.com members whether they thought parents should pay them for their babysitting services, we received some passionate responses. There's a huge difference, many of you pointed out, between doing occasional date-night sitting and providing what amounts to no-cost daily daycare. And while many of you agreed that caring for a child on a regular basis warranted a paycheck, others said that they could never accept money from their kids. Check out what your fellow grandparents had to say:_


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## Hope1964

This sense on entitlement you have - why do you have it? If someone is doing you a favor you should be OFFERING to pay them for gas. NOT b!tching when they tell you that you have to pay it.

Lemme guess - you're one of these MILLENIALS.


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## Hope1964

You know, this is one of my huge pet peeves. Sure, if you're the grandparent, babysit for free if you want to. But for the parents to EXPECT it is what really gets me. NO ONE should EXPECT a grandparent to do ANYthing for free just because they're a grandparent. I don't care HOW rich they are. The expectation of this is becoming rampant. I am far more likely to pay for something or do it for free if my daughter ASKS me and OFFERS TO PAY than if she just EXPECTS it.


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## norajane

cj48060 said:


> So my boyfriend of six years, mother wants to charge us for picking up our daughter from school for gas when its not even that far from her house. And she is already going to be watching her for a few hours until i get out of work. Now she doesn't charge us for babysitting when we work only when we have date nights or errands to run which i am grateful for. But if she already going to be watching her why charge for picking her up?
> 
> Sent from my LGMS330 using Tapatalk


Another way to look at it is you are getting free, safe, reliable child care, so why not pay Grandma for gas as a token gesture of *gratitude*?


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## MarriedDude

cj48060 said:


> So my boyfriend of six years, mother wants to charge us for picking up our daughter from school for gas when its not even that far from her house. And she is already going to be watching her for a few hours until i get out of work. Now she doesn't charge us for babysitting when we work only when we have date nights or errands to run which i am grateful for. But if she already going to be watching her why charge for picking her up?
> 
> Sent from my LGMS330 using Tapatalk


Seriously? 

She is giving freely of her TIME...which IMO, is the most valuable thing she has. She is saving you a substantial amount of money in child care -likely the ONLY reason it pencils out for you and your BF to both work....Being grateful is the Minimum you should be doing.

Fill her tank...Buy her next set of tires....buy some groceries for her house.....Do ALL this and you STILL be saving money over child care. 

I hope you didn't offend her or your BF by already bringing your ridiculous argument up...Please say you didn't do that...


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## jb02157

I don't know, it's weird but I can see my mom do the same thing. Gas money is one of those universal things that I guess that some feel entitled to be paid back for. It's great that your mom watches your kids without asking for money. I wish we had that when the kids were growing up. The SAHM thing just didn't work for us and killed us financially. At this point I would be more than content keeping things that way they are.


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## Hope1964

jb02157 said:


> Gas money is one of those universal things that I guess that some feel entitled to be paid back for.


Can you even see how arrogant and pompous this statement is??


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## jb02157

Hope1964 said:


> Can you even see how arrogant and pompous this statement is??


No I don't see that...how can that possibly be arrogant and pompous?? Wanting to be paid back for gas?? really?? that's arrogant??


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## Hope1964

People don't FEEL entitled to be paid back for gas. They ARE entitled to it. Maybe you didn't mean it the way I read it - it sounds like you don't think people are entitled to be paid back for gas. Like the OP.


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## cj48060

EleGirl said:


> How far is not very far.
> 
> How old are you and your boyfriend?
> 
> How old is your daughter.
> 
> She wants to charge you for gas because she has to spend money on gas and auto wear & tear when she drives to and from school. She's absolutely correct to ask you and boyfriend to cover the cost. You should be giving her at least $.54 per mile to cover gas and wear & tear on her vehicle.
> 
> Why do you think that you should not cover her expenses for taking care of your child?



I am 29 and he 30 and oir daughter is 5. And i never said i shouldn't cover her gas was just asking for advice. 


Sent from my LGMS330 using Tapatalk


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## cj48060

Hope1964 said:


> This sense on entitlement you have - why do you have it? If someone is doing you a favor you should be OFFERING to pay them for gas. NOT b!tching when they tell you that you have to pay it.
> 
> Lemme guess - you're one of these MILLENIALS.


I am not *****ing just thought it was odd. This is the same woman who still babys my bf who is 30 and he is a major mommas boy. And she has told me you just gave bith to her im the one who has raised her which is false. She only watchs her when we goto work free of charge yes im grateful of her and we do things in return to pay it back and show it is much appreciated and no i do not expect it. But nothing is ever good enough for her. Anything we do we have to almost get her permission for. When its my child. 

Sent from my LGMS330 using Tapatalk


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## jld

cj48060 said:


> I am not *****ing just thought it was odd. This is the same woman who still babys my bf who is 30 and he is a major mommas boy. And she has told me you just gave bith to her im the one who has raised her which is false. She only watchs her when we goto work free of charge yes im grateful of her and we do things in return to pay it back and show it is much appreciated and no i do not expect it. But nothing is ever good enough for her. Anything we do we have to almost get her permission for. When its my child.
> 
> Sent from my LGMS330 using Tapatalk


Can you please give some examples of things you have asked her permission for in regard to your child?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## frusdil

cj48060 said:


> I am not *****ing just thought it was odd. This is the same woman who still babys my bf who is 30 and he is a major mommas boy. *And she has told me you just gave bith to her im the one who has raised her *which is false. She only watchs her when we goto work free of charge yes im grateful of her and we do things in return to pay it back and show it is much appreciated and no i do not expect it. But nothing is ever good enough for her. Anything we do we have to almost get her permission for. When its my child.
> 
> Sent from my LGMS330 using Tapatalk


If my MIL said that to me, she wouldn't be collecting my child from school anymore.


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## jld

frusdil said:


> If my MIL said that to me, she wouldn't be collecting my child from school anymore.


Because you would not be financially dependent on her.

When you pay your own way, OP, you are free.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## cj48060

jld said:


> Can you please give some examples of things you have asked her permission for in regard to your child?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Almost i said. And one time we were going to have her stay at another relatives. Well of course she didnt like that and said what was on her mind. Which she is entitled to her opinion by all means but of course she swayed my bf decision on it. He is a major mommas boy. Just if were at her house and my daughter acts up like hitting another child and the child doing it back i finally took the toy away which was the problem. So my child throws a fit and my bf comes into the room and asks what happened. Than his mom says oh just give it back. And so he does. Its a control thing. I dont think she ready to let her son free so she does these things to get us arguing 

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## SimplyAmorous

I only read a few posts.. 

Personally I think you should be *offering* well before she felt the need to ask.. that's just "good will".. no one wants to feel taken advantage of.. 

She is doing you a favor that she is not required to do.. family or no...she is a blessing.. reward her for her care, her personal time, her gas... it's good for all involved...


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## Hope1964

So the real issue isn't anything to do with gas money.


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## EleGirl

Hope1964 said:


> You know, this is one of my huge pet peeves. Sure, if you're the grandparent, babysit for free if you want to. But for the parents to EXPECT it is what really gets me. NO ONE should EXPECT a grandparent to do ANYthing for free just because they're a grandparent. I don't care HOW rich they are. The expectation of this is becoming rampant. I am far more likely to pay for something or do it for free if my daughter ASKS me and OFFERS TO PAY than if she just EXPECTS it.


My mom baby sat my son while I was at work for the first few years of his life. I paid her the going rate for in-home child care. It only seemed fair to me since I was tying up her time this way.


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## EleGirl

cj48060 said:


> I am not *****ing just thought it was odd. This is the same woman who still babys my bf who is 30 and he is a major mommas boy.* And she has told me you just gave bith to her im the one who has raised her which is false.* She only watchs her when we goto work free of charge yes im grateful of her and we do things in return to pay it back and show it is much appreciated and no i do not expect it. But nothing is ever good enough for her. Anything we do we have to almost get her permission for. When its my child.


What is false about the statement that you gave birth to her, you have to raise her? Could you clarify that?

ETA: Maybe I misunderstood that sentence. Did your bf's mother means that she is the one who is raising your daughter?

How many hours a week is your daughter under the care of your bf's mother?


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## cj48060

EleGirl said:


> What is false about the statement that you gave birth to her, you have to raise her? Could you clarify that?
> 
> ETA: Maybe I misunderstood that sentence. Did your bf's mother means that she is the one who is raising your daughter?
> 
> How many hours a week is your daughter under the care of your bf's mother?




She told me once that yeah I gave birth to her but my daughter is hers she's the one raising her. And she maybe has her 14 working hours.


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## EleGirl

cj48060 said:


> She told me once that yeah I gave birth to her but my daughter is hers she's the one raising her. And she maybe has her 14 working hours.


14 hours a week? or 14 hours a day?


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## Wolfman1968

Manchester said:


> If Grandma is tight for cash then it's understandable.
> 
> If she's got a comfortable nest egg and she's just being a tight wad when it comes to providing for her grandchildren, it's just sad.
> 
> *Either way the problems are hers.
> 
> Don't make them yours*.


Uh, actually, the problem is that the OP needs childcare. Everything else flows from that.

That problem is the OP's. 

Don't make it grandma's.


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## brooklynAnn

Pay Grandma whatever she is asking to pickup your kid. I am sure it will be a small amount compared to what you have to pay for babysitting and a pickup service. Do you know what babysitting cost? Count yourself lucky and pay the lady. 

Grandparents baby sitting is a privilege not a right.


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## cj48060

EleGirl said:


> 14 hours a week? or 14 hours a day?


A week


frusdil said:


> If my MIL said that to me, she wouldn't be collecting my child from school anymore.



Sent from my LGMS330 using Tapatalk


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## EleGirl

cj48060 said:


> A week


So she has your child 14 hours a week. She is clearly not raising your child.

However, as long as you use her for free, or almost free, child care you will need to put up with her crazy.

Perhaps you could come up with some comebacks that gently put her in her place. And I emphasize 'gently'.

For example, if she repeats that nonsense that 'you had her but she's raising her'.

A good comeback would be "Yes, your helping us out for about 14 hours a week is greatly appreciated. Baby girl enjoys her time with you."

That way you cannot be accused of fight with her if you complement her with the truth.


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## Max.HeadRoom

Pay up;
My grandma had me and my brother from 6am till 5pm every week day until I was 9; dad paid her 45 per month & that was from 1968-1976, 

Meals
Gas/car
Not to mention the horror of seeing us often covered in blood; sometimes not our own.
& there was that time we brought the garbage of snakes into the living room. Ah good times.

Pay up; grand parents deserve it man


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## cj48060

Max.HeadRoom said:


> Pay up;
> My grandma had me and my brother from 6am till 5pm every week day until I was 9; dad paid her 45 per month & that was from 1968-1976,
> 
> Meals
> Gas/car
> Not to mention the horror of seeing us often covered in blood; sometimes not our own.
> & there was that time we brought the garbage of snakes into the living room. Ah good times.
> 
> Pay up; grand parents deserve it man


Guess i went around this post the wrong way. Its not even about the money just other issues. 

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