# Golden Child



## Smackdown (Feb 21, 2011)

Just a quick back ground. Married 20 yrs and then she cheated...not sure how many men. Her mom did the samething @ the same age. 36 weeks of MC and she filed. @ the time she filed she wasn't seeing anybody else. The first week I left she was giving oral to a guy in the mens bathroom in a bar. We have 4 children, the oldest is her favorite....and she acts the same as her mother and grandmother. I was comfortable w/ her having the children til I found out about the bar and the men sneaking in and out of the house...wanna know how I found out? She told me!!! She told me every detail of the sex she had w/ this man...
She is on meds for depression and the doses are high. She is also on other meds for anixety. She shows signs of BORDERLINE PERSONALITY D. NARCISIST BEHAVIOR....AND BIPOLAR.
My question is "is getting the kids a problem?" So far I have ordered a P Dr. for analist of the entire family. 
I have been out of the house for 4mo and now that I am away from her I can see how messed up our lives were. I have been in IC for about 16mo so I am on my way to getting better as far as being controlled by her.
I have a GF who is willing to do anything to help me get the children safe. My lawyer tells me there is no way I can introduce her to the kids until after the divorce.
Mouse


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Mouse,
It not a given, but the fact that you are out of the house may play a factor with the court.
Many here will recommend that you move back. I hear the courts look at the amount of time one parents spends or has time for the kids.
The other thing I read here at TAM, is the marital home and the home the kids have grown up in. The fact of up rooting the kids is also a big factor.

So with these two things said it may be in your best interest to move back in until the divorce is final and a judgment has been made as far living arrangement and who gets the house.

Right now it looks like you left the kids...not good. Character is looked at by the courts but it is not one of the main factors.

Bottom line your wife giving oral in the mans room has little bearing on her being a good or bad mother. Again, but, the courts can order a moral clause, ask your lawyer about this clause, it will prevent her from taking this behavior home.

The both of you can be the best parent ever, you having a girl friend while still married, and her being a wh0re, the thing here is who will best for the kids, period. 

So move back in and be there for the kids, that is my suggestion. In doing this you will have a better chance. Document how many times she stays out all night and keep a good record of her behavior. It will wieght alot more when you are around versus when you are not.

I know it sucks, but you have to go through fire to make steel.


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## gearhead65 (Aug 25, 2011)

Yes getting the kids is a problem. You need to lose the girlfriend until the divorce is final. Your STBX can get a PI and document you being with her. That won't look good in front of a judge when you're trying to say she's sleeping around. The monks life for you my friend. 

The biggest knock you have against you is that YOU left. Saying to any judge that being on your own (and with your Girlfriend) was more important than your home or your kids. And you can obviously afford it. So why shouldn't she get the house and the kids? And why shouldn't you continue to pay for all of that?

If you want a hope in hell of winning custody or having the home, get your ass back there now. She can't keep you out, record every conversation and every time she leaves. If she really is that bad, you need to be prepared for her making false allegations of assault to kick you out.

Best of luck!

GearHead


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Why can the stbx give oral sx in a bar, but the OP can't have a gf? If the judge won't care about the men and the sex the cheating wife is running through the house, it's crazy to tell him he needs to dump a stable relationship with his gf.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## NotLikeYou (Aug 30, 2011)

Smackdown- Being the man, getting custody of the children is always going to be a problem, regardless of the specifics. So understand that you are at a tremendous disadvantage from the get-go.

Since you are already in the divorce process, if you want to fight for custody, I would talk to your lawyer about stressing the facts of the medications your wife is on and the mental problems she has been diagnosed with. That probably won't be enough to get custody either, but if her mental state gets worse over time, you will have established a basis for gaining custody later on, if her behavior begins to impact the children then.

In the mean time, try to build as safe and stable of an environment for your kids as you can, and make sure they feel welcome there. Getting them to the point where they prefer living with you over living with her will allow you to pursue custody when they get older, if your STBXW continues to act erratically.

Also put a lot of thought into how you introduce your kids to your girlfriend- that is a first impression that you really want to get right!


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## gearhead65 (Aug 25, 2011)

Its a bad idea for either party to be involved with other people during a custody hearing. He's still married. It doesn't matter what his wife is/has been doing. If he's going to have a hope to get them he needs to be a stable parent and be around. Not out with his GF. Look at it from a 3rd parties point of view. If both A and B are messing around neither is really focused on the kids. B saying A is doing stuff they shouldn't while B is also engaged in similar activities negates the arguement. Meds means treatment. If she isn't taking them then that might be something to bring up, but how will Smackdown know that if he isn't still living with her? Also how will he be viewed as a reliable parent if the kids are mostly with the crazy mom in the marital home. It isn't a good position to fight from. I would also imagine it is in the best interest of the kids to not have guys sneaking into the house. Do you think they would do that if Smackdown was there? But she'll likely stay out and party with a live in babysitter, which can then be documented...

GearHead


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## Smackdown (Feb 21, 2011)

Sorry it's been so long but it's a crazy life being out on my own after being in the same house/ home for 20yrs.
This is what my lawyer told me- You will never get full 100% custody, she will be in their lives no matter what. 3 of the children are old enough to say where they want to live, the judge will listen to their request. Keep cool, the kids will see her bitterness and come running after they see how horrible she is. The oldest boy has already seen too much and is asking to come live w/ me.
As for me running- I did no such thing, she filed after 36 weeks of MC over 1.5years. There was a court order for me to leave.
As for her and her bathroom love lol....just after her 3mo run w/ this guy from HS he started dating her best friend,,,LOL!!! I didn't laugh @ her, but I told her betrayal sucks, I know how it feels.
AND last week she asked we try one more time....yes I did laugh in her face but it was only b/c she thought she was stable and could help me and my problems.
Thanks for all the help, divorce sucks...it has been a last resort but it'll work out.
Mouse


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