# Is Leaving the Right Decision?



## lonleyandlost (Oct 14, 2012)

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A little history for you. My H and I have only been married 11 months. We have been together 8 1/2 years and living together for 5 1/2 years. We have been having problems for a very long time. I have tried to work things out with him so many times I have lost count. I'm always the hopeful one and I give in and believe he will change. He will for a short time and it's right back to where we were. Basically he is very immature, emotionally abusive, witholds affections/makes me earn it, very insecure, does not provide me with much security, and mainly does not want to create a partnership with me or make me his priority. I truly believed that once I was his wife these things would change. I am feeling very foolish.

We have not been getting along for about 5 months. About 3 months ago I finally said that I couldn't live like this anymore and I was considering leaving. This woke him up a bit and he agreed to MC. We went for a few sessions and he was able to make some surface level changes, as in generally being more friendly towards me. But he has fallen short in so many of the deeper rooted issues. 

In the meantime I have continued going to IC. My C and I really click and she has helped me sort out my feelings and learn what a healthy relationship is supposed to look like. I have some codependency issues and she is helping me keep those in check as well. I'm taking better care of myself and am generally in a good place. I did make the decision that it is time for me to leave my marriage. My C fully supports this and feels that this is a healthy decision.

However, I am still struggling with setting the process into motion. I know I am no longer in love with my H but it tears me apart seeing how much this hurts him. I am not hopeful that we would be able to put the pieces back together. He would have to change who he is to an extent and I feel he would end up resenting me later on. I have compromised who I am and what I am worth for so long that I can't ask him to do the same.

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Now that the holidays are here this decision is weighing on me heavily. I have made the decision that we need to spend them apart. I will be with my family and he will be with his. I'm hoping that this time will provide morr clarity to our situation. He really does not want to divorce but I don't feel that there is another option. We both have different expectations of what marriage is and should be. If we did try to work on things I feel like it would only be a matter of time until we're right back here. I don't think my heart could take that again. This cycle has repeated itself too many times already.

Anyone have any advice on how to make sure that leaving is the right decision? I don't want to make the wrong choice by leaving or staying and end up regretting it later. How did you know the decision you made was the right one? Any advice is appreciated.

Hoy H's eyes tears me apart. I know I'm not inlove with


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## lonleyandlost (Oct 14, 2012)

Sorry for the last line. On my tablet and wasn't able to delete it, please ignore.


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