# Dream holiday booked and paid - do we still go ?



## YellowRoses (Jun 2, 2012)

I have threads in CWI, chucked out a serial cheater

Me and husband have been separated for 2 months - he is in a flat, I'm home with our 2 sons. He is not in a relationship with anyone else.

I have a decision to make and quickly

We have had a holiday booked for 12m. Its a cruise to the Norwegian Fjords on a pretty nice cruise ship with formal dinners, fully paid kids club etc and is quite high value. It departs in 7 DAYS.

I haven't even been thinking about it until we got the detailed itineraries through last week. I'd just dismissed it as lost (too late to change the booking in any way) but now I've reminded myself what it was and what we'd miss. Destinations are high on my wish list. I'm now thinking we should still go

I know he would go if I gave the word. Going on my own with the boys is not really an option. I just don't feel up to being a single parent in that type of arena. Just couldn't face 7 days of formal meals on my own

It doesn't take much to guess where this is leading. Do you think it would be a bad decision for us to go ? The saving graces are that it is only for 7 days and we have 2 staterooms booked. One was for the boys but we could do a child each now.

I'm kind of thinking we might get a chance to thrash some things out and we really don't need to be together that much apart from mealtimes. Its a huge ship so probably big enough for both of us.

Am I just mixed up in thinking it might work ?


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## Dadwithtwolittlegirls (Jul 23, 2012)

WOW.. this is a tough one.. is there any chance of reconciliation?


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## Sbrown (Jul 29, 2012)

Can you two be civil towards each other? If not it could be 7 days of HELL, and that large ship would seem awfully small in a hurry. If you two can get along I would go.


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## lonleyinlasvegas (Jul 3, 2012)

can't change his booking for another person? family member? you deserve to go..not him..


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## YellowRoses (Jun 2, 2012)

No, can't change - too late (there isn't anyone else to go anyway)


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## Couleur (Apr 4, 2012)

Two staterooms -- that makes it much more possible.

I'm inclined to say "yes, but"

The "yes" is because you probably need a treat, because your kids will probably love going on a cruise (my kids went with the grandparents and *loved* the pools and the buffets -- & didn't actually eat many formal dinners), and because it might be good for you and your ex to establish the new normal for your divorced family.

The "but" is because I think it's foolish to invite him without having a talk about how you see this vacation going. Will you eat together at the formal dinners? Will you stick to your normal parenting schedule and trade the kids off so that each adult has the kids on his/ her own rather than as a foursome? Are you planning on hashing out details of your separation/ divorce or is the plan to just practice doing things with your kids even though you are no longer emotionally linked? Are you and your ex going to take turns going to dance/ drink/ social events and mingling like the two single people you are or is this a no-dating while the kids are around vacation?

Assuming your ex and you have a pretty good agreement on what it would be like -- go for it.


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## Orpheus (Jul 6, 2012)

don't go on vacation with your x. do go on vacation. even an awkward bad vaca will give you a change of reference and will allow you some new memories to move forward with.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

YellowRoses said:


> No, can't change - too late (there isn't anyone else to go anyway)


I'll go!


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## YellowRoses (Jun 2, 2012)

I should have bitten the bullet earlier when there was still time to change the arrangements - can't believe how much has been a blur this last few months. It was at the back of my mind and I just thought we'd let it go but that now seems a bit stupid.

I really can't face going alone with children. Its a 5 hr drive to Southampton and I don't have a reliable vehicle right now. I'm also still adjusting to meds which make me sleep a lot so would feel very wary being sole parent in charge away from home and taking on long drives. I'm also very up and down with depression and moods and would have noone to back me up with the childcare if I went alone. I could let him go on his own but I don't want to - he doesn't deserve that much !!

If he went, it would be ready made chauffeur, child minder and spending money payer - so purely selfishly its convenient to me.

I wouldn't even dream of it if we were all in the one stateroom but having two makes me think its possible

Its £4k value I'd be throwing away if we didn't go ( I didn't pay for it as such, I earned it through a supermarket loyalty scheme but its still worth that much )

EDIT I can see that I'm talking myself into it but I do still wonder if there is anything I haven't thought of


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

First you could always take the train down it. No car needed.

Second, how will you be at the end of trip? Will you be happier for having gone than you will be unhappy for loosing the money?


Is there any cancellation insurance through the credit cards you used?


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## donkler (May 21, 2012)

You and your children def go.


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## YellowRoses (Jun 2, 2012)

No, no cancellation insurance because I paid with vouchers.

I know Shaggy, its not the money as such its the opportunity the money bought - won't be easily replaced and I really don't want to miss it, plus it deprives the boys. They love cruising.

Taking him along is the easiest way for me - if I wanted to I could put my feet up on the balcony and order room service for a week and let him see to the boys. Alone I won't get that chill time. Once I've packed the cases that would be me done in terms of effort. 

I think we'd have to avoid being too social with others like we usually are - I suspect that could be a trigger for me. You know, people seeing a 'happy family' and wanting to blurt out the truth

But I sure could do with some easily won time away from these four walls. I absolutely love cruising and am sure I could get quite a bit out of this one even if its strange circumstances.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

You should go,

If he goes tell him clearly and up front what your rules and boundaries are then stick to them.


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## YellowRoses (Jun 2, 2012)

Like what Shaggy ?


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Shaggy said:


> You should go,
> 
> If he goes tell him clearly and up front what your rules and boundaries are then stick to them.


Agreed. Go ahead and go and have him tag along.

Take his money and gamble it away. Play the tables. Ignore him. He can sit out by the pool and look at chicks. You can have fun and pretend he's not there.


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