# mental health issue or something else?



## magnolia2014 (Aug 29, 2014)

My husband's ex - wife suffers from OCD and depression. She's been on medication for years. Some of the things she calls about are just absurd to me. Is this really from her mental health issues or is she just needy and still dependent on MY husband? 
For example, my SS lives with his mother. He has terrible sinus issues. He gets sick every year when the weather changes. Yesterday he came down with the same symptoms: fever, cough, sore throat. The ex wife called at 1:15 AM because he still had fever. She tells my H he's burning up. She doesn't have a thermometer to take his temperature but wants to know if my H thinks he should go to the hospital. He says no this is nothing new and will take him to the doctor in the AM. she hangs up only to call right back saying she thinks he needs to go but won't take him herself. Wants my H to take him. Finally talk to the SS and like we figured it's his normal symptoms. Now to explain to the ex wife he'll be fine until in the morning and they can go to the doctor. 
Does this sound like someone who has OCD or does she do this on purpose? She calls in the middle of the night about once a month. 
I understand they must communicate. They have a child together. They must keep in contact in a reasonable way so both parties know what's going on with him.
But, I feel like she still feels like my H is still hers. Like she has every right to call him at anytime day or night. 
Am I unreasonable? Is this behavior normal for OCD? Or is she just being a b***h? 
Thoughts?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Leave out the OCD.

Your husband and his ex are co-parenting. It's reasonable for her to call him when there is an issue. Once a month is not tool bad.

This is what being married to someone who has children with someone else is like. It comes with the territory.


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## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

This doesn't seem strange. It would have been nicer if it had been 1 pm but apart from that...

Are you jealous for another reason?


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## magnolia2014 (Aug 29, 2014)

EleGirl said:


> Leave out the OCD.
> 
> Your husband and his ex are co-parenting. It's reasonable for her to call him when there is an issue. Once a month is not tool bad.
> 
> This is what being married to someone who has children with someone else is like. It comes with the territory.


Once a month in the middle of the night is normal, really? I'm not talking about during the day... thats different and much more often. But in the middle of the night... Once a month is really normal? I'm suprised.


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## magnolia2014 (Aug 29, 2014)

clipclop2 said:


> This doesn't seem strange. It would have been nicer if it had been 1 pm but apart from that...
> 
> Are you jealous for another reason?


Never said I was jealous. I know there are no romantic feelings there or I would have posted something entirely different.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

magnolia2014 said:


> Once a month in the middle of the night is normal, really? I'm not talking about during the day... thats different and much more often. But in the middle of the night... Once a month is really normal? I'm suprised.


It depends on the reason she's calling in the middle of the night. If it's because his son is running a high fever and she thinks he needs to go to the hospital, yes that's normal.

If it's to talk about signing him up for a sport? No that's not normal. She can call during the day. Or better yet, send an email. 

But it's your husband who has to set the limits with her. If she calls at 1pm and it's about the new school cloths he needs, your husband can just say "Send me an email. Don't call me about nonsense in the middle of the night."

You need to deal with your husband about this. She is not your issue. Your husband is.


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## magnolia2014 (Aug 29, 2014)

EleGirl said:


> magnolia2014 said:
> 
> 
> > Once a month in the middle of the night is normal, really? I'm not talking about during the day... thats different and much more often. But in the middle of the night... Once a month is really normal? I'm suprised.
> ...


OK that makes sense. So it's more about helping him to know how to set reasonable and healthy boundaries with her. I feel like he does try but could probably try harder. What if she ignores the boundaries? My H will need to be diligent in explaining this I guess until she gets it.


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## Boottothehead (Sep 3, 2013)

At least she is calling. We never get timely info about my husband's daughter, and then he is the bad parent for not being in the know.
I agree with setting boundaries. Right after their divorce, my husband would be inundated at work with phone calls and emails that surely could have waited until the end of the day.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

I suggest you chill out on this or it could lead to problems in your marriage.

Will comment from my personal experience. My partners ex has serious, medically defined mental health issues. Yes I find it confronting at times, bewildering and a little bit unnerving but that is mainly because mental health problems are something I have not had to deal with in my life. I used to think she was being a controlling *b* but over time have done my best to learn a bit more about her issues.

Learning more about her MH issues has helped me greatly, it allows me to sit back and look at her behaviour for what it is. I know she poses no threat to my relationship so I use my energy to support my partner with what he has to deal with.

Take a deep breath and stand back. Support your partner because his life is not and has not been a bed of roses with his ex. This is not about you, it is about him, her, their kids and you are at the bottom of the peeking order.


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## Omego (Apr 17, 2013)

magnolia2014 said:


> But, I feel like she still feels like my H is still hers. Like she has every right to call him at anytime day or night.
> Am I unreasonable? Is this behavior normal for OCD? Or is she just being a b***h?
> Thoughts?


I understand how you feel. Luckily I don't have this problem with my H's ex wife, however, I do call MY ex H often about child related issues. Part of the reason I have to call is because he is generally unresponsive to emails, so if I need to get a point across, the only means I have is the telephone. I get the feeling that it annoys his girlfriend.

I don't feel at ALL as though my H is still mine (heaven forbid) but I do think that I have the right to call him about issues pertaining to our children. I have no ulterior motive whatsoever. So maybe your Hs ex's thinking is along these lines. 

In order to make yourself feel better, perhaps you could just tell your husband that her behavior makes you uncomfortable and leave it at that. You can't control her anyway, but you can communicate your feelings to YOUR H. That's none of her concern!


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