# Man Speakk



## janesmith (Nov 29, 2010)

I need a lesson in how to talk to this dude cause what im doing isnt getting me the results i need.

Im going to give you what ive been saying and can some of you nice men please translate into man speak before i STAB THIS DUDE IN THE NECK from frusration (that was a joke.......kinda)

1. I feel like a peice of furniture around her, only noticed when i stop being "comfy" and have a tantrum

2. I feel like we are just parents and roomates and we dont take care of our relationship

3. I feel most alone when i need you the most

Those are the ones i try to communicate the most.

I also dont know how to deal with defensivness and end up feeling guilty i even brought these things up in face of "all the things he does do" (his words) and end up back down.


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

janesmith said:


> I need a lesson in how to talk to this dude cause what im doing isnt getting me the results i need.
> 
> Im going to give you what ive been saying and can some of you nice men please translate into man speak before i STAB THIS DUDE IN THE NECK from frusration (that was a joke.......kinda)
> 
> ...


What are his comments when you specifically say these things?

And are you saying them directly to him in a non-argument situation?

Do you propose any ways to resolve these feelings you have?

Have you considered that he does not share those feelings and doesn't see how you can feel that way?

Is it possible he considers you saying such things are an expression of moodiness that may go away if he ignores it?

Maybe his communication skills with you are not that great.


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## janesmith (Nov 29, 2010)

michzz said:


> What are his comments when you specifically say these things?
> 
> And are you saying them directly to him in a non-argument situation?
> 
> ...


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

I think the help of a third party like a marriage counselor could be useful in touching up your interactions. At the very least clarify whether things are hopeless or not.


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## OhGeesh (Jan 5, 2010)

They all sound fine too me!!! I can't relate my wife is my world and she knows it and I 100% show it every day!

We chat, txt, call, flirt, joke, if my wife told me just one of those things I would know I was dropping the ball big time!!

Best of luck getting him back on track!!


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## janesmith (Nov 29, 2010)

dont know if i have the energy or desire to get him on track. I can only "fix" me. Every year seems i want to make less and less of an effort


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

So who turned away first?

You or him?

Regardless, he has retreated from you and you from him.

Going to an MC wouldn't hurt you or obligate you to stay with someone you don't love or like. However, it could be useful if what is really going on is defensive maneuvering to avoid hurt by the both of you.


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## janesmith (Nov 29, 2010)

i dont think he has ever been as connected to me emotionally as i to him. I dont know, he doesnt talk about his feelings, he doesnt like to (his words)

i was going to couseling. we went twice together. she retired and i didnt want to start with someone else. besides it was "my thing" something i iniated, made the appointments for, yadayada. when i didnt ind another counselor he didnt push or it either...so i got the "f*ck its"....


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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

janesmith said:


> I need a lesson in how to talk to this dude cause what im doing isnt getting me the results i need.
> 
> Im going to give you what ive been saying and can some of you nice men please translate into man speak before i STAB THIS DUDE IN THE NECK from frusration (that was a joke.......kinda)
> 
> ...


I am not a man. I don't even play one on tv. My husband would look at me with a dead stare with those words. He wants me to tell him what I want him to DO differently. 

1. I feel like a piece of furniture... might be translated into I would feel special if you would spend time with me each evening. Or I would feel happy if you we made a point to do something together several times per week.

2. I feel we don't take care of our relationship might be gee honey I love talking to you. Instead of getting on the computer, how about if you pull up a chair and chat with me while I cook dinner some evenings?

3. Can you please help reassure me that we still have love right now, I feel low.

I don't know if this helps at all. But for my DH the what does she want me to DO words are more helpful.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

The post below is right. While your comments are/may be totally valid, what he hears is "I am not happy and it is your fault". 

Much better to specifically request what you want and then if he declines or does it in a half azzed way - you know exactly where you stand. 

And FWIW - "lets sit on the couch and talk" is ok. But "lets go for a walk or go to the zoo, or the .... - and leave our cell phones at home" is way better. The first long pause on the couch may lead to him reaching for the tv remote or his laptop and you will be irked. But a 3-4 mile walk - or the zoo or whatever is a block of time that doesn't instantly end when there is a period of silence. 





vthomeschoolmom said:


> I am not a man. I don't even play one on tv. My husband would look at me with a dead stare with those words. He wants me to tell him what I want him to DO differently.
> 
> 1. I feel like a piece of furniture... might be translated into I would feel special if you would spend time with me each evening. Or I would feel happy if you we made a point to do something together several times per week.
> 
> ...


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## Draguna (Jan 13, 2011)

vthomeschoolmom said:


> I am not a man. I don't even play one on tv. My husband would look at me with a dead stare with those words. He wants me to tell him what I want him to DO differently.
> 
> 1. I feel like a piece of furniture... might be translated into I would feel special if you would spend time with me each evening. Or I would feel happy if you we made a point to do something together several times per week.
> 
> ...


Nailed it! Not much else to say. 
You might try to add a bit more reasoning, but otherwise perfect.
e.g. Could you help me cook dinner? I would appreciate it very much and it would give us some time together. (Us simpletons only understand reason. You have a problem, I'll fix it. Damsel needs help, I'll do my best. Tell him to shut down the computer though, and he might say: Why would I?)

Now, about you telling him what's wrong. I don't get men who try to shy away from those things. I would love my girl to tell me more often if there is something wrong. Hasn't done it much during our relationship (maybe 6 times in 10 years) and I hope it's because it's all great most of the time.


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

vthomeschoolmom said:


> I feel like a piece of furniture... might be translated into I would feel special if you would spend time with me each evening. Or I would feel happy if you we made a point to do something together several times per week.


A lot of guys when hearing the furniture comment would interpret that to mean you want some furniture and they'd stress about getting asked about the color of said furniture. )
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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