# I don't know what to do!



## Marge

I have been married for 11 years and have a 6 year old son with my husband. My husband has a problem with prescription medication. He has stolen many pills of various prescriptions I have had in the past several years. He has had severe insomnia since his late teens, early twenties and I know this is a major problem for him. He has a few different medications prescribed to him for this. The problem is he will take what should be a months worth of meds in a week or so then he steals my medication. He falls asleep watching TV, in the middle of dinner in mid sentence and at times staggers around and talks complete nonsense in front of our son. I found out recently that I have a herniated disk in my back and have been in excruciating pain only to find that half of my pain medicine has vanished. He is more concerned about getting high than his wife being in horrible pain and try going to your doctor and telling them that you have run out of your narcotic pain medicine in 2 weeks when it should have lasted a month, they don't take that we'll and treat you as a drug seeker. I don't even take it as often as I could so I actually would have more left than I should. I also have insomnia for which I am prescribed medication and I don't take that every night but somehow that has come up short also. I have confronted him about this in the past and gotten him to admit it eventually and he gave me the excuse that he was ashamed to tell me. I have confronted him recently when he has been obviously impaired in front of my son who has said "Daddy's acting weird " and he says he will stop but it continues. My father was and still is an alcoholic and drug addict. I grew up seeing my father act the same way as my husband and do not want my son to go through that, it has had a huge impact on my life and I did stop speaking with my father a few years ago after he refused to let me get him in treatment and I found out he had stolen my brother's identity to go to Emergency rooms for narcotics and also take out several loans that he didn't pay back and ruining my brother's credit. My husband is adamant that he did not steal my pain medication this time (60 of 120 pills)! And I also found today that I have come up short on my sleep medicine. I have hidden any medication that I thought he might take for years now until he finds my hiding spot and I have to keep changing where I keep them. I know that this is not good for my son to witness or for me to let him put us through. I also found many emails about searching on Craigslist to meet up for anonymous sex and actual plans to meet up with people, male and female. He said that this was just a fantasy thing and he never actually followed through with it. I am so tired of him looking me straight in my eyes and lying. I do not think I really love him anymore but I fear being alone and I am scared of divorcing him also because I would have to share custody of my son and can not bare the thought of being away from him for any length of time or sharing holidays and all the things that come with a divorce. I also cannot keep him away from his father because my son of course adores him and I don't think that would be good for him either. I have no family around, the closest is over 6 hours away. I can not afford to live on my own and he could not afford to pay me child support! I don't know what to do, I know I need to do what's best for my son, not to mention myself. I would like to get my husband professional help but when I bring it up he just gets defensive and angry and somehow turns it around like I have done something wrong. Any thoughts?


----------



## TinkCK64

Hi Marge.

I joined today just because of your post (been lurking for over 4 years now). Let me say that you described my life perfectly with my late husband. He had a very bad addiction to pain pills also. When my daughter had shoulder surgery (she was around 15 years old), he stole just about all of her pain medication that she so badly needed. At this point is when I lost complete respect and hope for him. 

We were married very young, me 18 and him 17, due to pregnancy. I knew he liked to party but thought he would "outgrow" it as he got older. Instead, he became addicted to cocaine and overdosed when he was 25 years old. It did not kill him but scared him enough to get clean. I was so happy! He was finally clean (very very hard process in those days) and things started going better for us and our family. Then came the accident at work that tore his shoulder ligaments very severely. This resulted in surgery and of course, pain medication. He once again became addicted. He would get a 90 day supply of Norco's and they would be gone within 2 - 3 weeks! Once he ran out, he would try and get me to go to the doctor with a fake injury to get more pain pills. I did it for him one time and felt so bad, I told him never again would I do that and I didn't. When I did have to have them for myself, he would steal them from me. No hiding place was good enough. He found them all. 

He was addicted for many many years. When he turned 37, I noticed he was getting worse. He lied all the time. Lost his job due to an accident while driving his work truck. He fell asleep at the wheel in the middle of the day and side-swiped a car in the other lane. He swore that is not what happened but I knew the truth as he had nodded off many times when he was driving with me and the children. He would get so defensive if I ever said anything and make me feel so horrible! I started driving after he almost had another accident.

Anyway in 2002, (sorry so long) one night I went on to bed and he was in the bathroom in our bedroom with the door shut. He had a very bad habit of going in there and actually falling asleep on the toilet due to all the pain pills he was taking. I went to sleep and woke up a few hours later, around 1:00 AM. He was still in there. I banged on the door and I could hear him crying so I thought he was having a "prayer time" as he also did that when things were very bad. I went back to sleep as he would not answer me or unlock the door. Around 4:20 AM I woke up again and noticed he was still in the bathroom! I went to the door and banged on it excessively. No answer. I hollered and banged more and still nothing. Finally, I was so worried I actually broke the door knob and got in there. He was sitting on the toilet and I knew he was dead just by looking at him. I called 911 and did CPR but there was no hope. He was cold but I tried any way. The paramedics arrived and tried also but there was nothing they could do. The coroner did an autopsy and his cause of death was ruled "accidental drug poisoning" due to the pain pills and couple of other medications he was on.

I am telling you all of this to let you know you are not alone. You need to talk to someone if you can, maybe a councilor or clergy member. I do not know why I stayed with him for 18 years. I was miserable and it really effected my children badly. My son now has the same problem and I cannot help him even though I have tried. He has to want it for himself. That is the key and there is nothing you can do to change them. Take care of yourself and your child and do not rely on him for your happiness. I pray that he does not end up like my late husband and he realizes and gets the help he needs. My prayers are with you and your son!

Tink


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Get a lockbox for your meds with a combination lock, memorize it and don't let him know the combination. And give him an ultimatum: go to rehab NOW (or sign himself into a psych hospital as drug dependency as the problem) or you're leaving. If he argues, do not engage. Repeat yourself. He can keep arguing and you keep stating it is not up for discussion. Go, or you leave.

That's not healthy for you or your child. He lied because he hates his inability to control himself. He chose meds over you because he's addicted. He may also feel the need for risky behavior; he could be bi-polar. But whatever the problem is, it has to be diagnosed and he has to be willing to address it. If he isn't, then you might as well leave before he hits bottom. You might just end up "saving" him by giving him the wake-up call he needs, though don't count on it.

It may seem you can't do this on your own but there is. Family, friends, get a roommate, get a second job you can work from home... something. If you have to let some things go, then just do. You can repair credit later - that's not forever.

Your son adores him so your husband needs to do whatever it takes to be healthy enough to be there for him. You don't want to entrust your son to his care and have him decide to drive or leave a burner on, or endanger him in some way. Keeping your son away from him may just be the best thing you can do - for a little while. You can always ask for supervised visitation in a public place.


----------



## karole

My heart goes out to you Op. As a child that grew up with a pain pill addicted mother, I know what it's like living with an addict. My mom was addicted to pain meds for many years and it eventually killed her. All you can do is take care of yourself and your kids. You can't save him, love him enough or give him any ultimatums to make him stop. Drug addicts are extremely selfish people. He will become more and more consumed with getting pills. He will have massive mood swings - rages of anger and then of feeling sorry for himself. It's a terrible environment to raise a child in. 

Unfortunately, until he decides for himself he wants to quit, there is nothing anyone can do for him. Sadly, some addicts never get to the place of wanting help. I hope he will go into drug treatment and get help, but unfortunately, most people won't until they are either forced or have no other options. 

Please, take care of yourself and your kids.


----------



## Adelais

Marge said:


> I have been married for 11 years and have a 6 year old son with my husband.
> 
> My husband has a problem with prescription medication.
> 
> He has stolen many pills of various prescriptions I have had in the past several years.
> 
> The problem is he will take what should be a months worth of meds in a week or so then he steals my medication.
> 
> He falls asleep watching TV, in the middle of dinner in mid sentence and at times staggers around and talks complete nonsense in front of our son.
> 
> I found out recently that I have a herniated disk in my back and have been in excruciating pain only to find that half of my pain medicine has vanished.
> 
> He is more concerned about getting high than his wife being in horrible pain and try going to your doctor and telling them that you have run out of your narcotic pain medicine in 2 weeks when it should have lasted a month, they don't take that we'll and treat you as a drug seeker.
> 
> I don't even take it as often as I could so I actually would have more left than I should. I also have insomnia for which I am prescribed medication and I don't take that every night but somehow that has come up short also.
> 
> I have confronted him about this in the past and gotten him to admit it eventually and he gave me the excuse that he was ashamed to tell me.
> 
> I have confronted him recently when he has been obviously impaired in front of my son who has said "Daddy's acting weird " and he says he will stop but it continues.
> 
> My father was and still is an alcoholic and drug addict. I grew up seeing my father act the same way as my husband and do not want my son to go through that, it has had a huge impact on my life and I did stop speaking with my father a few years ago after he refused to let me get him in treatment and I found out he had stolen my brother's identity to go to Emergency rooms for narcotics and also take out several loans that he didn't pay back and ruining my brother's credit.
> 
> My husband is adamant that he did not steal my pain medication this time (60 of 120 pills)!
> 
> And I also found today that I have come up short on my sleep medicine. I have hidden any medication that I thought he might take for years now until he finds my hiding spot and I have to keep changing where I keep them.
> 
> I know that this is not good for my son to witness or for me to let him put us through.
> 
> I also found many emails about searching on Craigslist to meet up for anonymous sex and actual plans to meet up with people, male and female. He said that this was just a fantasy thing and he never actually followed through with it.
> 
> I am so tired of him looking me straight in my eyes and lying.
> 
> I do not think I really love him anymore but I fear being alone
> 
> and I am scared of divorcing him also because I would have to share custody of my son and can not bare the thought of being away from him for any length of time or sharing holidays and all the things that come with a divorce.
> 
> I also cannot keep him away from his father because my son of course adores him and I don't think that would be good for him either.
> 
> I have no family around, the closest is over 6 hours away. I can not afford to live on my own and he could not afford to pay me child support!
> 
> I don't know what to do, I know I need to do what's best for my son, not to mention myself.
> 
> I would like to get my husband professional help but when I bring it up he just gets defensive and angry and somehow turns it around like I have done something wrong. Any thoughts?


I broke up your post so it will be easier for people to read.

You have a few things going on here.

The most important one is that your health and life is in danger, since your drug addict husband is having sex with strangers from Craig's list. Don't believe for one minute that he isn't following through with the solicitations. He is a habitual liar, and cares more about drugs and sex than he cares about you.

You must stop having sex with him immediately and go get tested for STD's. HIV takes 6 months to 1 year to show up on a test, so even if you are infected, you won't know for that long. You will have to wait to be retested for HIV because of the long incubation period.

The next problem is the terrible example/situation for your son. You grew up with an addict for a father, and therefore you married one. Your son will either grow up to be an addict or marry one if he stays in this environment. Getting your son away from your addict husband will be less damaging than allowing him to see your husband high. If you divorce your husband, and if you can prove the drug addiction, you could very well get custody of him, and not have to share him very much.

You feel alone, but you aren't. Keep posting here. You will get encouragement, and ideas on what to do. Reach out to your family and friends for help. Like someone else already said, you can get a job, and provide for yourself. If your husband gets his act together, he will have to provide child support for your son.

Get that lock box that was suggested so you can keep your meds from your husband, and have them when you need them. Do it for yourself, not for him.


----------

