# My husband doesn't make me feel special



## aturla29 (Oct 17, 2014)

I live with my husband and his parents and I feel like I don't belong. His mom constantly watches my every move and judges me and tells me that I stress her son out. She made fun of my stomach. She even told me that I need to take a picture out of a beautiful butterfly frame because it is too colorful for the picture. There are so many more insults that she gives me but those are just a few of them. Everytime I try to talk to my husband about it he just says stop talking sh** about my mother when all I am doing is letting him know how what she says makes me feel. I told him I can't live with his mom for much longer but he refuses to get an apartment with me because he doesn't want to pay for something he will never own. The other day we got in a fight and he said he took all HIS money and put it in a bank account with his mom and only she has access to it so that not even he can touch it. He says its so we can save money for a house but he didn't even talk to me about it before he did it. He says it's his money and his car and his everything. I have borderline personality disorder so I can be tough to handle at times because of my sensitivity but I am trying my best I am going to a special counselor to help me with those issues. I have been sober for a year now and I am doing the best I have ever done in my whole life but yet I feel the worst I ever have. I thought marriage was 50/50 but I don't even feel like his wife. He makes me feel like more of a burden than someone he loves. I don't know what to do anymore everyday I just wish I was somewhere else with people who made me feel loved and wanted and important.


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

Do you work? Do you have any kids? How old are you and your husband?


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

How long have you been married? Have you always loved with his parents?

His mom probably doesn't think anyone is good enough for her son. And it seems like he's an ass. But that's just based on your post...

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

PBear said:


> How long have you been married? Have you always loved with his parents?
> 
> His mom probably doesn't think anyone is good enough for her son. And it seems like he's an ass. But that's just based on your post...
> 
> ...


You know, it's a bad idea for family members to live with you. If they didn't they couldn't pile up on you in your own space.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

What does it take to make you feel loved and wanted and important?

While it's rarely ever a good idea to live with parents when you're just starting out in life it is survivable. 

What do you want your husband to do to help you feel like he IS on your side, particularly given the fact that your BPD makes it very difficult for you to compromise and see that other people might have a valid point? I mean seriously, a mother in law criticizing your decorating.... So over done, why even let something like that both you? Just because she doesn't like the photo in the frame doesn't mean she doesn't like you.

Having BPD means you have a very difficult time letting things slide and not reacting with hurt. Work with your counselor so that you can more easily recognize some situations in which you might have over reacted and other situations in which you H absolutely needs to back you up.

Financially, he's right about not renting. If you can tolerate it for a year or so while you save money it will be worth it in the long run. Renting is throwing money away.


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## Longtermer (Oct 1, 2014)

If your husband defends his mother rather than you are on a slippery slope. You have a right to feel special. He sounds like a (insert word I cant write on here)!


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## aturla29 (Oct 17, 2014)

He also has mental problems as well he has bipolar and anger issues. When he did drugs he stole from his mother. (that was 3 years ago) and he still says now he owes her his life. He works for his mom too. She even makes him sandwiches in the morning for work. I don't even feel like I belong in his life at all. Yes I am sensitive but I am not delusional I can clearly see what is in front of me and its not a normal marriage. I don't know what to do to get him to fall back in love with me it is breaking my heart every day more and more. A friend of mine passed away in august and I havent been able to come to terms with it since I have been dealing with all this stuff and haven't even had a chance to accept it.The day before the funeral I told him that I would be a little off and if I said something out of the ordinary it was because I was upset and I told him I apologize ahead of time if I say something I don't mean I am just going to need a little extra support from you. We got into a fight that night and I told him I was having a tough time because my friend just died and he said Angelina that happened two months ago its october now. That was so insensitive.I don't know where the man I married is


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## Sunburn (Jul 9, 2012)

Move out


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## manticore (Sep 3, 2013)

Wow, just Wow, did you marry a teeneger, living with his parents, refusing to get a home on his own, siding with mommy in every situation, letting his mom to fix his lunches. No, let me correct it, did you marry a grade shooler?

I am partidarian of trying to fix the marriage as long as long as there are not serial cheaters, plan b or physical abuse in the relationship, but i would not judge you at all if you become a WAW right in this moment.

Not just the way his mother treats you is horrible, but his behavior is so inmature that I have to wonder if he is ready for a serious relationship (lets not even talk about marriage).

You should take agressive initiative here, maybe even temporal spearation (or the discussion of it), will open his eyes, and if not then maybe he is not ready to be a husband, and he should stay mommas boy until he is 50


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## lakergirl (Oct 22, 2014)

Honestly it does not seem that he is open to changing. At his age to have such an unhealthy attachment to his mother without any interest in forming a strong bond with you, I think it is a hopeless situation. Put yourself first and plan to get out.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

Move out......living with <insert anyone> puts tremendous strain on marriage.

Your husband seems like a BOY, not a MAN

His mental condition = lifetime of misery for you and probably children

Is that what you want?

Also, you should never have to "get him to fall back in love with you". He either loves you or he doesn't. Also, LOVE is defined with ACTIONS, not just words.

He gives you no actions OR words of love.

So what the hell are you still doing there and wasting your time is the big question.


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