# Unhappy, confused, scared, lonely



## takczynie (May 4, 2011)

I'm new to this forum. Ive just coem accross this and what a relief.

My husband and i have been married coming onto 2 years. We married very quick (only knew eachother 8 months) and he asked to marry me when we were both drunk. We only had 1 thing in common and that is the sport we both play (thats how we met). I'm in my late 20's, he's in his early 30's.

things havn't been anywhere close to happy since day 1. Just before we got married he found out he cant have kids whcih played a lot on my mind, but got over it because having children was never really that important to me. When we met, i lived in a city, he lived 3 hours away in the country. I gave up my life in the city for him (had to sell my house, leave a good paying job) and moved to a town where i dont know anyone, cant seem to make friends here, there are no decent job opportunities for me. He's happy with his life here, where as I'm not. I've gone back to study, and have bigger plans for my future.

Sex is only ever good if we had a bit to drink, otherwise it's feels very awekward for both of us (but neither one says anything) He drinks a lot. Every day. He will come home from work and write himself off. 

Ive tried suggesting a few compromises for our relationship, where we could live so both of us can have an enjoyable life, but its always a no.
We've been to councellors, it seems ok fro a few weeks then it goes back to normal. I've started taking anti depressants because I'm so unhappy here. I cry a lot. He's never there for me emotionally when i cry or am upset. Never really has been. He's not an a**hole, he's never hit me, never been verbally abusive. In my opinion he would be great husband to a woman who wants the same life as him. 
What do i do? I'm very scared to leave him, I suppose that fear is of being alone, packing my stuff and moving back to the city, fear of what will people say or all the "i told you so's". Fear that I will regret if we seperate. 
thanks


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## Amy G (Apr 26, 2011)

Hi

I just wrote a nice letter to you and pressed the wrong key...

Here goes again. I am also very scared of leaving my relationship of 10 years. It is a big decision to make and you have to weight it up carefully. Maybe make a list of why you would stay and why you should leave? Be very truthful with yourself.

From what you described, I can't see what you would regret? I just rang up a supportive friend who talked me out of giving in, yet again, to promises everything will change, when I know they don't. 

Anyway, get some friends to rally around you and help support you through this difficult time. It is what I have done. I think the first couple of weeks of actually moving out of the home and into your own would be the hardest. I am still looking for a place to move into, then will tackle the moving out bit.

Also think of how many breakups the royal family/ movie stars have had, and how they did it in front of a whole nation and people still love them!

All the best and some hugs to help you through.


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## rebootingnow (May 3, 2011)

If he was willing to move for you to the big city, or compromise like you have, do you still see a future together? If not, then I would come clean and move this to the next phase. If either of you don't have the fight for the marriage in you, I think its clear this is probably for the best.

When we finally came to the conclusion this wasn't going to work I was devastated (I wanted to try to make it work.) I'm sure my was scared and frighten, etc. for a long time prior. Heck, I'm scared and frightened right now. But we both agree that we are relieved in a big way now that we both see the elephant in the room. And we're excited about our working on our new relationship. 

Be honest to yourself and respectful to his feelings and I"m sure it will work out OK.


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