# I miss him!???



## LIMBOLADY (Aug 26, 2013)

We have been legally separated for a month. I have been doing great. Not missing him at all.

Tonight he calls. It's my night with the kids by the way. He wants to bring some stuff by. I say ok. Ends up hanging out for a drink and then dinner. So like old times. 

Then he invites me over tomorrow night (his night with the kids) for burgers on the grill. I want to say yes but I know I can't and I made plans with a friend. I told him I can't. I have plans. He leaves shortly after but then texts me all night.

I feel like I have been doing so well and in one night he can suck me back in. I know there is no hope for us. I thought I was done feeling anything but here I am.

I miss the old us. 
I miss what we used to be.
Wish I could say all this to him but I can't.
He won't respect it.
He will know I still care and that does nothing.

Ugh!


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## LIMBOLADY (Aug 26, 2013)

Did I do the right thing? Telling him no? We can't still play happy family when we aren't and he left. Am I right here?


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## never was (Oct 28, 2013)

Maybe this is his way of telling you he wants to work it out. Your separated and he was the one who left. You stated there's no hope for your M. Infidelity a factor?


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## sherri1997 (Jul 9, 2013)

I think you did the right thing. But like the above post, I am not sure what happen in your marriage like OW?

If you are trying to do the 180, then I think that you did the exact thing that you need to do and said you had plans.


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## ne9907 (Jul 17, 2013)

You did the right thing but you also have to ask yourself
Do you want to reconcile?
It is very normal at this stage in your separation to miss him and love him (still).
You both will be going through a lot of emotional turmoil

We are here for you.


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## BFGuru (Jan 28, 2013)

Heck, it's been 8 months and I still have moments I miss him. However, there is another woman involved, and it would never work out anymore. What is your background reason for separating?


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## IndecisionIsTorture (Oct 9, 2013)

LIMBOLADY said:


> We have been legally separated for a month. I have been doing great. Not missing him at all.
> 
> Tonight he calls. It's my night with the kids by the way. He wants to bring some stuff by. I say ok. Ends up hanging out for a drink and then dinner. So like old times.
> 
> ...


I think I remember your story. It sounds like you two need to grab a coffee somewhere neutral, not at either's house, and talk about boundaries.

If you really feel there is no hope, and if he's testing the waters, better to get it all out on the table now.


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## LIMBOLADY (Aug 26, 2013)

Thank you for all of your responses. I don't know for sure if infidelity was a factor. I think he was/is having an EA with a co-worker but I have no way of knowing for sure.

We had many other issues in our marriage. A lot of arguing. He can be very critical of me which would start a lot of fights. The last year of our marriage was a mess. I wanted to work on the marriage. He had one foot out the door the entire time. He would not commit to 100% working on things so even though we did MC we never got anywhere.

He has said he thinks we are toxic together and not good for each other. I thought we could have worked it out. I can't hope for R because I don't think he truly wants it.

And we are still doing family activities together which is probably not helping the matter. Yesterday we all went on an amazing hike. He came over for dinner. Next thing you know I am in tears again - apologizing for being a crappy wife, blah, blah, blah.

For some reason, I keep blaming myself for everything. If I had been more supportive, if I didn't get so mad at him criticizing me and putting me down. I don't know what my problem is. He took my hand at one point in the hike to help me over some rocks and I still felt something when he did it. 

We also ended up kissing like teenagers before he left. Luckily I put a stop to that before it ended becoming more which would have made me feel even worse today. It happened to many times when we had the in-house separation and I just felt used the next day. It would be great while it was happening and then back to business the next day. He would be cold and aloof and act like nothing happened between us.

I am so tired of feeling like a puddle. I know I am better off not hanging around with him but when we have a good day like we did yesterday it makes me miss him all the more.


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## KnottedStomach (Sep 19, 2013)

Hello LL, I agree with the poster above who says that perhaps you and your H need to have a cup of coffee and talk things out.

Having said that, I have to ask, besides the fact that you love him, why would you want to be with someone who treats you so poorly? Don't you think you deserve someone who loves you and treats you the way you deserve to be treated?


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## LIMBOLADY (Aug 26, 2013)

KnottedStomach said:


> Hello LL, I agree with the poster above who says that perhaps you and your H need to have a cup of coffee and talk things out.
> 
> Having said that, I have to ask, besides the fact that you love him, why would you want to be with someone who treats you so poorly? Don't you think you deserve someone who loves you and treats you the way you deserve to be treated?


There is nothing to talk out. I am not letting anything like that happen again.

KS, you are 100% correct. I *should* want better for myself. I just feel so lost right now and alone. I think my self-esteem and self-worth has been completely demolished by this. I'm thinking I need to start IC as soon as possible!!!!


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## KnottedStomach (Sep 19, 2013)

LIMBOLADY said:


> There is nothing to talk out. I am not letting anything like that happen again.
> 
> KS, you are 100% correct. I *should* want better for myself. I just feel so lost right now and alone. I think my self-esteem and self-worth has been completely demolished by this. I'm thinking I need to start IC as soon as possible!!!!


I agree with the IC, it really does help.

If you are sure that there is nothing to talk about then you have to start moving on, moving forward without him. 

I know how you feel. I feel lost and alone at times as well. Just try to hold on to the positive, your children, maybe a laugh you have some where. It should get easier, especially now that he is out of the house. At least all the negative things are not a constant every single day.


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## LIMBOLADY (Aug 26, 2013)

Yes, you are right. The negative is no longer there so I have to focus on that and stop feeling sorry for myself.

I know that is exactly what I am doing - feeling sorry for myself. It's not going to accomplish anything!


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## KnottedStomach (Sep 19, 2013)

LIMBOLADY said:


> Yes, you are right. The negative is no longer there so I have to focus on that and stop feeling sorry for myself.
> 
> I know that is exactly what I am doing - feeling sorry for myself. It's not going to accomplish anything!


My mother in law always says to me stop feeling sorry for yourself. You are a survivor not a victim. I try. Sometimes though, after all the pain, no one can help but feel sorry for themselves. I would say don't beat yourself up so much over how you feel. Go to IC, try to focus on the positive and give it some time, it will get easier.


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