# conditions on wanting a second chance.



## iluvgna08 (Sep 8, 2012)

I have been married for 8 years. My husband and I were having problems.(well I felt we were) He was never around, always wanted to be in church, always wanted to fix his car. We were in the process having his papers fixed. I was the only one working full time and come home wanting to see him and spend time with. The house was always dirty and dinner was hardly fixed. We started to become distant. I ended up cheating on my husband One time. Just one time. Next thing I know I'm pregnant. Through the 9 months my husband and I become very close knowing in my heart this baby probably wasn't his. I have the baby which I truely believe she is not his. After I had her, a week and a half later I ended up confessing what I did. I couldnt keep it inside me. I begged my husband for a second chance. I had told him regardless if he stays with me or not, I am giving my baby to my mother, I am going through too much depression and stress, I don't want to take anything out on the baby. And she would still be in the family. Well my husband is willing to fix things, the only problem now is, he wants to go out and party with a girl he met, no sex no relationship. He took away my truck so I stay at home everyday.(unless I have an appointment) he comes home mad all the time and I calling me names. He holds the baby and shows her as much love as ever. My oldest daughter loves her too. I'm still considering giving her to my mother. Right now we don't have money to go get a paternity test. So thats on hold. He tell me I destroyed his heart. We met at 16 years old. I gave my virginity to him. Is it wrong what he's doing? Am I making the right decision about the baby?


----------



## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Who is the other guy? what if he fights for custody?


----------



## canttrustu (Feb 22, 2012)

No. Not wrong at all. The fact that he hasnt put you out on your posterior end is an exercise of humanity IMO. You not only cheat on him but you GET PREGNANT by another man. And you dont own what you did. Not even a little. *Read the first SEVERAL sentences of your thread. Its called blameshifting*. All of these things may be true but NONE of them have a damned thing to do with you getting pregnant by another man.

*First thing you have to do is stop playing the victim*. YOUR HUSBAND is the victim here. YOur daughter is the victim. YOU are the perpetrator. Until you totally own that 100% youre unworthy of your H.


----------



## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Have you told your mother and daughter about your cheating and that the child likely isn't his?

And what about the OM? Is he married too? You need to tell his wife/gf about his cheating,

And why didn't you use protection when you cheated?

Have you gotten tested for stds?


----------



## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

If your husband as money to party, you have money for a DNA test. It's not fair to your husband to have him pay to raise another mans child.


----------



## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Shaggy said:


> Have you told your mother and daughter about your cheating and that the child likely isn't his?
> 
> And what about the OM? Is he married too? You need to tell his wife/gf about his cheating,
> 
> ...


If I were your husband I would demand a paternity test. They are not that expensive.


----------



## TCSRedhead (Oct 17, 2012)

Paternity test via online provider = $79. It's only fair to everyone involved to set this to rest.

Test you and your husband for STD's. Should be covered under insurance.

Why would you punish your mother and escape your responsibility by dumping the baby on her?


----------



## costa200 (Jun 27, 2012)

Paternity tests are cheap. They are about the cost of a few drinks and gas to go and return. I'm pretty sure you can afford it.


----------



## canttrustu (Feb 22, 2012)

How about you get a job and pay for it. Its your mess to clean up afterall.


----------



## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

canttrustu said:


> How about you get a job and pay for it. Its your mess to clean up afterall.


So you didn't tell him until a week and a half after you had the baby? Is his name on the birth certificate? You knowingly deceived him, he needs to see an attorney asap if in fact the baby isn't his. Wow you are lucky he is still with you at all!


----------



## Juicer (May 2, 2012)

Why do you deserve a second chance? 
What reasons can you give us? 
More importantly, what reasons can you give your husband?


----------



## workindad (May 7, 2011)

You can have a paternity test done in the privacy of your own home. There are kits that you can use. They are painless, simple to use, and the results are received within a few days. The cost is not that expensive. Spend a few minutes on Google and you'll have several options. 

WD


----------



## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Any update?


----------



## Complexities (Oct 25, 2012)

I agree on the paternity test. It seems like maybe you are ready to look at the reasons for your stress and depression and not just blame it on your husband? If that is the case, then yes maybe have you Mom care for the child for a short time while you go to counselling and do all the things you feel you need to do to become a better person for your child, for yourself and maybe for your husband or future.


----------



## iluvgna08 (Sep 8, 2012)

The update is my husband is close enough to the baby now, he says if I don't keep the baby he will divorce me. The name calling continues, he asks me if I enjoyed it. I was so mad at him at that moment that It didn't feel good or bad I just was doin it cause he piss me off. I know I decieved him, but when I don't feel appreciated or wanted I don't know what else to do. And yeah we can buy a paternity test, HE says we don't have the money right now for it. And the other guy is a single guy, and no there was no std. I wish I would have used protection. He wanted to send me outta state to go live with his family for awhile, he said he wants a break. I don't believe in abortion, and when I got pregnant I had already decided to give my baby to my mother...and she wants her bad. I never said I deserve a second chance, I want one, my husband had been through so many problems and with him not having his papers, I was always the one working, we were always living with his parents, even when I had my first kid, he wasn't maning up, when he did have a job he did his best to make it work, we both made enough to have an apartment. We are now still living with his family. My husband is suidcidal(cant spell). He has a lot of anger problems. A lot of my vauable things had gotten broken by him. My family and him definitly don't get along. I do my best to keep peace. They don't see or talk to each other. He is different now, in a lot of ways. But since this happen he is goin back to the way he used to be. And my mother has 2 girls, me and my sister, her dad isn't my dad, I grew up treated differently. My sister definitly had it easy. i didn't realize it til after I moved out. I feel like if I keep my baby, my husband will do the same. He says he hates my family and he knows what not to say or do that would make her feel different. His name IS on the birth certificate, he cut the umbilical cord, when she came out I thought it was a miracle, I thought she was his, now I look at her and see nothin that resembles my husband.


----------



## iluvgna08 (Sep 8, 2012)

He made me quit my job, that's why I said I now stay home all day. He took my truck away. I have to ask him everytime I need to go anywhere.


----------



## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

iluvgna08 said:


> He made me quit my job, that's why I said I now stay home all day. He took my truck away. I have to ask him everytime I need to go anywhere.


I guess if he wants to be the father of someone elses child that is his decision but if he is going to resent you constantly this is not healthy for anyone.


----------



## SadandAngry (Aug 24, 2012)

So what about the OM? Does he know he might be a daddy? Did he know you were married, or did you lie to him too?


----------



## TCSRedhead (Oct 17, 2012)

I'm just not hearing anything healthy from either side of that relationship. 

What are your reasons for wanting to work things out?


----------



## Madman1 (Oct 24, 2012)

ugly ugly lives!


----------

