# Make up sex



## Vinnydee

We often read about how great make up sex is after an argument and I have had my share with past girlfriends and an ex fiancée. I also had some in the early days of my marriage. However, last night I asked my wife when was the last time we had make up sex and she replied that she cannot remember when because we have not argued for at lease 3 decades of our 44+ marriage.

I have read that arguments are good for a marriage because it gets things out in the open rather than holding them in where they fester. I can vaguely remember some hot makeup sex when we were in our twenties but nothing else. Maybe that is why we have lasted long and have a happy marriage. Just wondering about others in long term marriages. Do you fight often? Do you have makeup sex and is makeup sex good for a marriage or is it just trying to bury real problems with sex? Opinions?


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## jorgegene

i don't know if you can call this 'make up' sex, but there have been a few times when I was still mad at her
that she suggested we have sex. I would think to myself "i'm really not in the mood yet, but what the hell".
we were able to conclude things successfully. it worked.

I get mad at her maybe twice a year but it doesn't escalate. she's just too damn sweet to get really mad at.


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## FeministInPink

My guy and I don't really have make-up sex, or at least we haven't yet anyway... post-argument bonding usually takes the form of cuddling and hugging. Sex will usually happen the next day, and it's usually really good because if we've had an argument, we likely abstained for a little bit, so it feels new and fresh again and kind of intense in that way. (We also don't live together, so immediate make-up sex isn't always in the cards.)

We also don't argue much, because we are already very open about expressing concerns and we actively listen to one another. We average one fight every four months. And each one we do a little bit better, learning from our mistakes; we learn to listen more and talk less, swallow our pride and come together more quickly. Funny this is that it's pretty much the same fight every time.


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## Hope1964

I guess you could call hysterical bonding a form of make up sex, and we definitely did that. But since then, not really. Our fights tend to last for days and we go months between fights, and he's pretty LD also, so when we do finally start speaking to each other again, no, we don't have sex.


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## Faithful Wife

On a couple of occasions, I've had sex after a break up and get back together kind of thing. I guess that counts, right? And heck yes, it was great!!

But after arguments, no, not really. Or at least, by the time we have sex, there is no air of the argument still hanging around so it doesn't register as make up sex.


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## *Deidre*

I've only had one argument with my fiance, others are more disagreements. And we did have ''make up sex,'' which made us both feel like all was forgiven. It's the ultimate sign that you've moved on. But, I have known couples who have great sex even when they're angry with each other. lol


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## peacem

Did anyone else think this thread was about wearing make up for sex?  I've got at problem.....


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## katiecrna

I've never had make up sex in my life because my husband is PA and can't admit any wrong therefore we never have a big make up thing. Fml


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## 269370

There was a time when the only type of sex my wife would initiate, was make up sex. Which obviously meant first starting an argument about something totally irrelevant that would drive me nuts, so to speak. She later explained to me that it was a way for me not to feel that sex should be "easy" with her (if she wasn't my wife, I would call this bratty behaviour!). My theory on the other hand is/was that having those arguments was a way for her to muster together feelings for me, in order to be able to have sex with me and be able to _feel_ something. I have no idea what the truth is.
After we had kids, she seems more practical (and grown up) about it and we sometimes have sex without arguing first. Which to me seems like less of a hassle. But then I have to "compensate" with dirty talk or make up some role play thing...Actually we never really have "normal" sex.

On the whole, make up sex can be wild; many times a really crazy argument would suddenly turn into animalistic sex in a blink of an eye; I really had to keep up sometimes to make sure I catch the right moment because if I tried to turn an _actual_ argument into a sex session too soon...well, the frying pan would likely have a dent in it (from hitting my head).

It can certainly add to intensity because emotionally, you are all riled up and if you get your body and emotions lined up correctly, it can be really ecstatic, like sex on drugs or something (which I haven't done).

I can imagine that this may not suit some couples but because we always argued quite a bit (usually about nothing), it's never been a problem to have make up sex...


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## WorkingOnMe

jorgegene said:


> i don't know if you can call this 'make up' sex, but there have been a few times when I was still mad at her
> 
> that she suggested we have sex. I would think to myself "i'm really not in the mood yet, but what the hell".
> 
> we were able to conclude things successfully. it worked.
> 
> 
> 
> I get mad at her maybe twice a year but it doesn't escalate. she's just too damn sweet to get really mad at.




That's angry sex or hate sex. Totally different thing. But also pretty satisfying. 


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## Fozzy

I've never had make-up sex. Fights in our household drag on for weeks because my wife prefers to play the silent treatment game.


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## 269370

Fozzy said:


> I've never had make-up sex. Fights in our household drag on for weeks because my wife prefers to play the silent treatment game.




That's terrible. I am thankful my wife is not capable of holding grudges. The fights never last longer than 24h (or until sex) unless I hurt her with something really badly with and I don't recall doing this in the last 10-20 years.


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## arbitrator

Vinnydee said:


> *We often read about how great make up sex is after an argument and I have had my share with past girlfriends and an ex fiancée. I also had some in the early days of my marriage. However, last night I asked my wife when was the last time we had make up sex and she replied that she cannot remember when because we have not argued for at lease 3 decades of our 44+ marriage.*
> 
> I have read that arguments are good for a marriage because it gets things out in the open rather than holding them in where they fester. I can vaguely remember some hot makeup sex when we were in our twenties but nothing else. Maybe that is why we have lasted long and have a happy marriage. Just wondering about others in long term marriages. Do you fight often? Do you have makeup sex and is makeup sex good for a marriage or is it just trying to bury real problems with sex? Opinions?


*I'm absolutely envious!*


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## MrsHolland

I prefer flowers and a nice dinner out.


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## SimplyAmorous

I'm a little surprised how few seem to have "make up sex"...I guess I'll be one of those who sheds another light on this ....

Me and my husband ALWAYS have make up sex... if we have a fight.. we WILL be doing it afterwards... it's just always been this way... even when my drive was lessor... 

I can't say we fight a lot... at least neither of us would feel so.. the good far outweighs the bad.. maybe a good brawl about 2 -3 times a year.. sad to say these are always started by ME... I get upset over something.. it's almost always THAT time of month...something set me off, it's like my brain gets stuck on a hamster wheel.....the things I have fought about with him.. some men would LIKE to have this issue >> I want MORE SEX !!... I want him to be rougher.... these are dumb fights (the man loves sex.. I am just impatient with his "come on").... some of them are so ridiculous.. we have started laughing out loud in the midst of them... 

It can get tense at times... then it's hilarious.. all sorts of emotions really...one of us will crack a smile, a joke, tell the other off, we get it out [email protected]#.... we'll embrace, one thing with both of us that helps is.. even though I can be a hot head at times.. I am also very self aware ... I can admit my faults outright to him... even if I am pissed off... and he will admit where he's screwed up too...so we're humble at the same time -even if our emotions may be flaring...

It always ends in us finding our peace again...generally we bring some NEW understanding with us.. we'll both be apologizing for hurting each other.. we're good at making up !...I'll be telling him he's my everything.. how I can't stay away from him... he's happy I can't stay away...always very forgiving... then onto make up sex ! My husband's 1st post here was in reference to one of our silly fights.. I was growling at him.. we were fighting naked... we'll forever laugh over that one...ended with one of our funniest moments in bed... 

He has accused me of fighting with him JUST for make up sex ... he says we could avoid all that...

For us... my husband could NOT do sex unless we are at peace with each other, back in each others arms.. some men may be able to do "Angry sex".. he's not one of them...actually I don't think I could either ... When we're mad at each other.. we both feel AWFUL, just a pit in our stomach feeling... this surely drives us closer ... working it out, with honesty.. whatever it takes...when we get to the embrace... the touchy /feely is on it's way.. 

I remember yrs ago, one fight in particular... forget what sparked it...these things always fade from my memory...it was on the heavy side....we do lay it ALL OUT there.. I remember feeling like I needed him LIKE AIR... it was intoxicating... it can be very







.. it does stir the hormones.. no doubt about it.. I have posted that my "fighting style" can be volatile ... explained here > http://talkaboutmarriage.com/genera...ead-4-types-5-1-ratio-marriage-conflicts.html ... what it said is very true for us >> 



> "For volatile couples, conflicts erupt easily, and are fought on grand scale, but of course, making up is even greater! These couples have passionate disputes, and frequent and passionate arguments.
> 
> According to Gottman, while volatile fight openly, they argue with a lot of wit, display fondness for each other, and have a great time making up. It seems that their volcanic arguments are just a small part of their warm and loving relationship.
> 
> It appears that passion and fighting lead to better relationships which include making up, laughing, and affection. So despite the level of their argument, they still resolve their differences.
> 
> Volatile couples see themselves as equals, and exhibit individuality and independence in their marriage. They are open with each other about their positive and negative feelings, and their marriages tend to be passionate and exciting.
> 
> Gottman’s research indicates that their frequent arguments are balanced out by their positive interactions such as touching, smiling, paying complements, and laughing, and so on. So these couples stick together for the long haul."


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## heartsbeating

The other night I came home from work, it was a big week, not even the dogs greeted me. He'd had a long day too. We got snippy with one another. It wasn't going anywhere good and we decided to call a truce and start over. In a playful way, I went back to the front door, he greeted me with dogs following, but the snippy remarks still emerged from each of us. It sounds ridiculous but it became kind of funny. Fourth attempt nailed it... I went back to the front door, dogs still following, he welcomed me home and we kissed passionately. We gave each other a knowing look, 'we're good now' and started our evening. 

As for when we have argued, we don't really have make-up sex. We might help to lick each other's wounds, so to speak, but it's not sexual.


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## heartsbeating

As for arguments, it's not a regular occurrence however his motto, which I agree with, is 'It's better out than in..' And we have both learned what it means to express ourselves openly. It's not always delivered in the most effective way, but it's delivered nonetheless. Speaking our minds, having those raw interactions has, from my perspective, been mind-boggling helpful. 

The snippy moments are not. That's when you gotta check yourself... is this really something or is it tiredness / sugar levels / stress. Get yourself sorted.


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## CharlieParker

heartsbeating said:


> As for arguments, it's not a regular occurrence however his motto, which I agree with, is 'It's better out than in..' And we have both learned what it means to express ourselves openly. *It's not always delivered in the most effective way*, but it's delivered nonetheless. Speaking our minds, having those raw interactions has, from my perspective, been mind-boggling helpful.


I was on the receiving end of that the other day. She blew up seemingly out of the blue in way I've rarely seen (unless I know I've directly done something). I was super hurt, very confused and angry until she basically explained she just had to get it out. After that we calmly discussed the issue, at length.


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## _anonymous_

Almost 10 years of marriage, no "make-up sex", ever. We're good at arguing, but that sex stuff, nah. Doesn't happen too often. Sounds great though, everyone... thanks for sharing! Really enjoy TAM, but sometimes, it's like salt in the wound


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## WilliamM

The last fight I had with my wife was in 1980. She has never been a fighter, so she has never had a fight with me, as such. The make up sex was not good, back in 1980. It took us several days to get back into having our old fun.

Edit: we did have sex while I was fighting with Mary. But it wasn't as good as I wanted. That fight lasted about 18 months.


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## Anastasia6

I've been happily married for 23 years. We don't have make up sex. We don't fight to get things out in the open because they are already in the open. We don't hardly disagree. I have often wondered about those that seem to disagree all the time.


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## SimplyAmorous

anastasia6 said:


> I've been happily married for 23 years. We don't have make up sex. We don't fight to get things out in the open because they are already in the open. We don't hardly disagree. I have often wondered about those that seem to disagree all the time.


Coming from my perspective as a couple who's always had make up sex... I wouldn't say that things aren't always in the open here either... I am very forthcoming with what's on my mind.. I've never been one to "bottle" anything.. I have a need to talk things through...by that I mean calmly... to hear me, the give & Take, for us both to be understood... I can even be "unfiltered" at times, at least at home with him...but still this doesn't mean SOMETIMES things may escalate... for us.. it may be only 3 to 4 "blow outs" a year.... by that I mean .. I am REALLY steamed, looks could probably kill... there is TENSION... I may slam a door being mad at him, then find I can't stay away and come cracking the door a half hour later...we don't scream, call each other names or things like that... but we are bonking heads.... it happens. 

What I have come to appreciate about a good fight is: We do learn something from it... we had the same fight for a # of yrs..it's really a dumb thing & I wouldn't even want to share how dumb it was.. then lo & behold... something he said during a fight...it was an " moment"....how HIS WAY OF LOOKING AT A WORD, it's meaning (such a simple thing) was completely different / backwards to how I saw that same word and it's meaning -to me... which suddenly explained SO MUCH....it all became clear.... this realization was what I NEEDED- to finally understand his perspective... then we talked that through.. we finally got to *the root* of the WHY's he struggled to use that word...I still think it is stupid, to be honest.. but at least it makes sense to me now...

Another time... he refused to say something that may hurt me.. and by golly.. I dragged it out of him!! .. but the thing was: What it WAS was far less hurtful than what I was THINKING... and hoping it WASN'T!.... and it's funny because once I drug this out of him, suspecting the worse and saying exactly what he didn't way to say- laying it out there... I was thrilled [email protected]# What a relief !! Which he wouldn't have expected me to respond like that... ... both of these fights were over a sexual thing...both of them were misunderstandings..and the 2nd one had an easy solution. 

I really wouldn't take back some of these fights.. we always bring something with us.. some new nugget of understanding, then the hard feelings turn to mush, like they are washed in the ocean.. it's resolved.. and we are back to good.


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## Tomara

Never had make up sex. My mind can't disconnect when upset. I have to rationalize in my own mind my behavior and the rest of me doesn't always follows....


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## SunnyT

We don't fight. 11 years this Thursday....and no fights. We just talk things through. We really just enjoy each other, we enjoy life. It sounds kind of hokey, but there is nothing to fight about.


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## katiecrna

From a women's point of view...
There is nothing better than a man who admits when he is wrong and knows how to rectify his wrong. My husband was too stubborn to do any of this so we never had makeup sex. But when a man gives the women some space... then comes back with a nice gesture.... flowers, a card, jewelry whatever and he apologizes without making a excuse for his behavior, without defending his behavior, and he hugs her and kisses her... this sets the mood for some makeup sex. 

Not to be gender biased but a lot of times the mans behavior isn't necessarily wrong, but just insensitive. And I know a lot of people disagree with me on this, but you can apologize for being insensitive even if your not wrong. And many times the wife will realize that she blew it out of proportion, and realize what an awesome husband they have for putting up with them and loving them.


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## SimplyAmorous

katiecrna said:


> From a women's point of view...
> There is nothing better than a man who admits when he is wrong and knows how to rectify his wrong. My husband was too stubborn to do any of this so we never had makeup sex. But when a man gives the women some space... then comes back with a nice gesture.... flowers, a card, jewelry whatever and he apologizes without making a excuse for his behavior, without defending his behavior, and he hugs her and kisses her... this sets the mood for some makeup sex.
> 
> Not to be gender biased but a lot of times the mans behavior isn't necessarily wrong, but just insensitive. And I know a lot of people disagree with me on this,* but you can apologize for being insensitive even if your not wrong. And many times the wife will realize that she blew it out of proportion, and realize what an awesome husband they have for putting up with them and loving them.*.


My husband has always been sensitive to any notion of being "Insensitive" to me... It goes a long way.. it also allows for us both to be *more humble* and come together much quicker..

I shared this little exchange a while back... to illustrate making up for speaking harshly in a moment...

One night He was putting together a computer desk for one of our sons, I bought it off Amazon.com.. I walk into the room & ask if I can help.. he barks at me as a piece was already broken & starts swearing about Chinese Junk.... I walk out of the room fully understanding his irritation ... I didn't take this personally at all.. didn't think much of it.. was feeling bad he had to deal with it.. 

A few hours later...we're in the bathroom, and he apologizes for speaking to me like that.. that I didn't deserve that.. I remember starting to laugh even....just how sensitive he IS to speaking harshly -and wanting to make that right ...but also feeling "my god, where do you come from, that is so sweet of you"... telling him I didn't think a thing of it....how I'd be swearing too, and be frustrated.. he wanted to thank me for offering to help him...

This little thing... he felt bad that he spoke in haste and was sensitive enough to know he came off "insensitive" to me.. 

I can't remember now.. but I could see me kissing him for that.. just for being that sort of guy... yeah.. we need more of those type of exchanges when we speak harshly to each other.. many times it is over EXTERNAL THINGS going on and nothing to even do with us... 

We all miss it sometimes, in a heated moment.. our mouths get the best of us... we're only human... it can do so much to just offer an "olive branch"...


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## SimplyAmorous

Make up Sex was mentioned in this article  .. made me think of this thread...it's discussion.... 



> Why exactly is make-up sex so good? It is because fights and breakups remind people of exactly what losses they face should a couple permanently split. Sometimes events that invoke fear and separation are truly healthy reminders.


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## JayDee7

Early in our marriage I remember having a huge argument, I don't remember what about. It was the day of my cousin's wedding and I walked out and told her I'm going alone. I went to the wedding and everyone asked where my new wife was, I said she wasn't feeling good. I drank heavily and tried to have a good time but my sister asked me what's wrong. I told her that we had an argument and that I was probably done with her, I said I couldn't imagine staying married to her. My sister told me not to talk like that, but I didn't care because I was so angry at her.

I got home angry and still half drunk, she was in bed and when I walked into the bedroom she ran up to me and threw her arms around me, I could see that she had been crying. I took her, physically, threw her on the bed and nearly ripped her clothes off literally, I kissed her passionately and went down on her then had rough angry sex with her. When we were finished we kissed and cuddled and I held her. That was one of the hottest encounters we've ever had! 

I think it's the mix of emotions that make it hot. Luckily we do not argue very often, but every once in a while, we get to have some really passionate hot make up sex. It's kind of like saying we are both angry or hurt and there is no resolution, but all that matters is that we love each other and let's do it.


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## SimplyAmorous

JayDee7 said:


> ....
> 
> I got home angry and still half drunk, she was in bed and when I walked into the bedroom she ran up to me and threw her arms around me, I could see that she had been crying. I took her, physically, threw her on the bed and nearly ripped her clothes off literally, I kissed her passionately and went down on her then had rough angry sex with her. When we were finished we kissed and cuddled and I held her. That was one of the hottest encounters we've ever had!
> 
> I think it's the mix of emotions that make it hot. Luckily we do not argue very often, but every once in a while, we get to have some really passionate hot make up sex. It's kind of like saying we are both angry or hurt and there is no resolution, but all that matters is that we love each other and let's do it.


That was a GREAT example @JayDee7 !


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## 482

Vinnydee said:


> We often read about how great make up sex is after an argument and I have had my share with past girlfriends and an ex fiancée. I also had some in the early days of my marriage. However, last night I asked my wife when was the last time we had make up sex and she replied that she cannot remember when because we have not argued for at lease 3 decades of our 44+ marriage.
> 
> I have read that arguments are good for a marriage because it gets things out in the open rather than holding them in where they fester. I can vaguely remember some hot makeup sex when we were in our twenties but nothing else. Maybe that is why we have lasted long and have a happy marriage. Just wondering about others in long term marriages. Do you fight often? Do you have makeup sex and is makeup sex good for a marriage or is it just trying to bury real problems with sex? Opinions?


I commend you for being together all that time and never arguing. I can only hope to get to that point. 

If Im pissed off with her or she is pissed off with me probably not. There is just to much to be resolved to get to that point, but once we do, wow. Something similar did just happened to me last night. We have been arguing for a couple of days about a sensitive topic. We were sitting at the kitchen table literally screaming because we were so mad at each other. We sorted out our differences and playful smiles started to emerge. Without saying any words I told her how much I wanted her. There were other people there. She went to the bathroom and then to the bedroom. I did the same. The for play was gentle and attentive the sex was crazy rough. It was super hot. Amazing the things we were saying to one another. Honestly it was some of the most amazing sex I have ever had. Then we ate dinner like nothing happened and did it all over again.:grin2:


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## Trieste

JayDee7 said:


> I think it's the mix of emotions that make it hot. Luckily we do not argue very often, but every once in a while, we get to have some really passionate hot make up sex. It's kind of like saying we are both angry or hurt and there is no resolution, but all that matters is that we love each other and let's do it.


When we argue we try to make up before we have sex. Once when there seemed to be no resolution she took me to bed. I said 'we shouldn't be doing this, enjoying sex when we haven't settled anything'. She didn't reply, just got on with it, and making love did help us through our anger and hurt. 
It really did help us love each other and we somehow survived the unresolved issues.


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## leon2100

make up sex? if we go three weeks without sex... she gets very horny... and we have great sex 3 - 5 days in a row. That's making up for lost time...


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## cknpro

Never happens for us in any “traditional” way. We have to be made up for a while then sex can occur. But when it does again, it’s usually good.


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## bencoll

I love all the tips here. I wish I did more makeup sex with my now ex bf. It's all been really fresh and I hope we get back together again.


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## Todd Haberdasher

Arguments and sex are so rare, what are the odds they will both happen on the same day?

Anyway, when I disagree with my wife she clams up for a few days, so clearly no chance of having sex then.


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## FalCod

My wife and I never really fight. We disagree about things, but we discuss them and either reach an agreement or at least some understanding an acceptance of each other's views. Neither of us is the dramatic type.


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## KungFuJoe

I'm of the opinion that make up sex is NOT good for a relationship. My earlier relationships were full of make up sex. My first relationship (of 4 years) got so bad that nearly 100% of our sex was the make up kind in the final year or so. 

I've now been with the same woman for 18 years (with 15 years of marriage coming up in a few months) and I can probably count on one hand how many times we had make up sex. We fought a LOT in the beginning but we always somehow managed to talk it out in the end and come to a "solution" that, maybe we didn't 100% agree on, but it was enough to create closure and allow us to move on. 

Make up sex isn't solving any kind of dispute...it's sweeping stuff under the rug. You gotta talk and talk and talk until the both of you are at least mentally "satisfied" to where you're not still mulling over things and making yourself angry after you've both decided to move on.

I guess if you manage to have sex AFTER talking it out amicably...then win/win.  But, with my wife, there was never (as far as I can remember) the desire to have crazy make up sex afterwards.


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## BluesPower

Here is my comment about Make up sex. 

Yes it happened in many relationships. And frankly it was always good and in some ways it actually makes that problem go away, but not always. 

I will say this, while I would rather not have the argument and get angry in the first place, it can solve issues. 

GF and I had an argument about an issue, which I cannot remember what it was, and that is kind of the point, and it was so bad that I told her to take me home. We were in her car and had left mine at my house. 

We did not say a word on the trip. When we got to my house, I got out and headed in the house, again not saying a word. 

She followed me inside and insisted that we have sex, and while I was pissed off, I agreed. It was one of our best sessions ever and that is really saying something. 

After that, I could not remember what we were arguing about, and everything was good. The fact that she "tricked" me with her feminine wiles does not really bother me. And since we forgot what we were arguing about it seems to me that it solved whatever the problem was. 

And she call it "Angry Sex", and it was just that and she loved it as did I. I just don't want to get angry in the first place. 

Maybe we can find a way to simulate "Angry Sex", I would be Ok with that...


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## personofinterest

My ex was almost asexual, as well as passive aggressive, so no make up sex there.

I haven't had a "fight" with my somewhat new husband. I try not to fight. I have a gift with words which, when combined with anger, is not a good thing. So I usually go quiet until the red blur has passed and then ask to sit down and talk. We have "play fought" a bit, where we pick on each other, but I suppose that is not really make up sex.

I don't really enjoy conflict, as there comes a point when all bets are off and I say things I regret.


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