# Fallen for a man thirteen years younger than me.



## spinach (Mar 26, 2013)

I'm 35. He's 22. I've been divorced for four years. I met my ex-husband when I was 16 and we were married when we were 23. The first few years of our marriage were bliss but as we reached our thirties, things became very stale. What finally put the nail in the coffin was the fact that he committed adultery with one of my so called closest friends.

It took me almost two years to get over the trauma of the divorce. I was on meds and therapy. I finally got over all the things that happened and was happy again. However, I had no intention of getting involved with another man at all. There was no physical nor emotional desire for me to do so, until I met a particular young man.

He's an African-American (I'm Caucasian) man who is in his last year of college. He's studying English Literature. I met him through a friend of mine - she's his lecturer. When I first met him I was immediately attracted to him. I know this is kind of playing up to the African-American stereotype, but the first time I saw him was at a college basketball game and his display of gruff physicality and explosive athleticism incited a physical desire I thought had died within me a long time ago.

He's an aspiring writer and my friend (his lecturer) has always raved about his short stories. I'm an avid reader so I read a few of his stories and was blown away by his talent. This led to a dialogue between us through email, where I got to know him more and the more I heard the more I liked. We ended up meeting for lunch as a casual encounter and we both really enjoyed ourselves. We had so much chemistry and loved a lot of the same things. Then we went on an unofficial date. And another one. And another one. This eventually culminated in us sleeping together.

In the beginning the physical side of our relationship was the most profound. To be honest I loved having sex with him. But as time passed, as I got to know him more, I became to really adore the person he is deep down. He's the most wonderful man I've ever met - he's caring, funny, highly intelligent, sweet and very romantic. We've been seeing each other for six months now and I've fallen head over heels for him. He also told me he's fallen head over heels for me, too.

The reason I'm posting this on this site is because the future between us is unclear. I mean, he's only 22. He's barely lived. He has his whole life ahead of him. He's graduating from college in the summer and a new adventure will begin for him. Whereas I'm approaching middle-age. We're two people going in two different directions and I'm terrified because I feel the age gap between us won't be able to survive the reality that is before us.

In a way I wish I never met him, because even though the last 8 months have been some of the happiest in my entire life, I can't stand the thought of what I know is going to happen.

Can anyone offer any advice or input on the situation? It will be greatly appreciated.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Let him go.

He's not mature enough yet. Seriously.


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## Aunt Ava (Jan 24, 2013)

spinach said:


> I'm 35. He's 22.
> In the beginning the physical side of our relationship was the most profound. To be honest I loved having sex with him.
> 
> He's barely lived. He has his whole life ahead of him.
> ...


I can't imagine that you have that much in common, but you certainly aren't the first May/December couple. Demi & Ashton come to mind for example. I guess you could just enjoy it while it lasts. 

On the other hand, at 22 and 35 you are at vastly different life stages and it seems incredibly selfish of the 35 year old to have a relationship with a 22 year old. Slightly icky since he is still a college student and you met him thru his professor.


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

Sex my be good but that's not all that is needed for a full relationship. He's not as mature or life experienced, as you. It will wear on your expectations after time. Don't be short sighted because you haven't found your match yet. 

Good luck.


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## JustHer (Mar 12, 2013)

When I first saw your post, my reaction was "icky". But that is because I have a son just older than this man and young men to me look like children.

My next thought after reading some of the replies was, if this was a man dating a younger girl, no one would care.

Having said all that. Realistically, do you want to be with someone in 20 years that looks young and fresh while you are looking more aged? I know I would not. Maybe I am vain, but I would never want to be with a man that was younger and/or better looking than myself.

In addition to this, you are right. He is just starting out. He has a career to build and a family to start. He seems like a very nice man and you seem like a nice woman, do what is right.

Good luck


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## Coffee Amore (Dec 15, 2011)

I think if this were a man dating a younger woman, there wouldn't be as much of an outcry. There are some posters on TAM who regularly mention their wives are decades younger than them. 

There is a big age gap between the two of you. You're also both consenting adults. I don't think you're taking advantage of him. I don't think you're being selfish. In the long run this relationship may not work out, but why not see how far it goes? Why give it up now? 

A good friend of mine in her 50s dated a man in his 30s. They dated for nearly two years. They're no longer together, but the breakup was a result of his moving to another location, a requirement of his job. Had he stayed where she lived, I think they might even have gotten married at some point. 

It's easy for us to say break up or give him up. It's harder for you since you have feelings for this person and he has feelings for you. I don't think there's a right or wrong...do what you both think is best.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

My daughter went over to a new friends house and I met the mother. She's 50 and looks it. Then the girl came to our house dropped off by her brother, couldn't have been more to 30! Nope her Dad, 14 years younger but looks 10 times better than his wife. My H and I still giggle over that one. They look ridiculous together! 

Right now, maybe you can deal with the age difference, but when your 50 or 60... You think it will be as easy?


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

Big difference between the life of 30, 40, 50 year olds and someone who is just been allowed into a clubs/bars. IMO

And I'm still trying to figure out the reason she needs to point out her/his race? Does it bother her or is she worried it bothers others? Me thinks she may be a bit immature too.


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## BrockLanders (Jul 23, 2012)

You have less than 10 reproductive years of life left. He has until he dies. That's the reason men are usually the older ones in relationships. Of course you're attracted to a young athlete with a great mind, who wouldn't be. Have fun for now but you're going to endup breaking his heart. You know there is little possibility of a ltr, why drag out the pain?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

The age difference here isn't the real issue it's the fact that he's 22. He's going to change a lot as you know over the next 3-8 years and you may or may not be a part of that. It's a risk and only you know whether you want to take it or not.


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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

spinach said:


> He's graduating from college in the summer and a new adventure will begin for him. Whereas I'm approaching middle-age. We're two people going in two different directions and I'm terrified because I feel the age gap between us won't be able to survive the reality that is before us.


You're just seeing each other. There's no emergency. 

This "two different directions" comment is meaningless allegory without some specific basis like he wants to join the Armenian Resistance and you want to join the Peace Corps in Antarctica. One wants kids and the other doesn't. Something of substance. 

It's phrased very strangely too - the age gap won't be able to survive? Is age gap an organism? 



> Can anyone offer any advice or input on the situation? It will be greatly appreciated.


If he doesn't see a problem, why should you? I married a 19 year old at 49. What other people think doesn't matter to us. What mattered was whether we liked being together and had the same vision about a shared future.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

When I was 28 I had a brief relationship with a woman of 58. 

She was the most beautiful woman I ever met. Love doesn't always look at age.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

No, love doesn't look at age, but the reality is every day life shows age. I have been with a man 14 years older (which was fine until his age started showing) and my STBX is 7 years younger. It's good but he's still so very immature on emotional levels.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

Rather than age difference, I think it's the percentage difference that counts... Also, maturity and life experiences.

I'm 15 years older than my SO, but we were both middle-aged when we met, so our life experiences are very similar.

Enjoy what you have and see where life takes you.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

There are issues that the age difference could cause.

The maturity issue is a big one. And it’s one that is there with any 23 year and a person 12 years older, male or female. The human brain does not finish developing until the age of 26. He will be a very different person by the time he reaches 30. Divorce rates are high for men under 30. I think that the immaturity issue is a huge factor in this. 

Another issue that I read about recently is that when a man marries a woman 12 or more years younger, he usually has better health and a longer life. When a women marries a man 12 or more years younger, it seems to have a significant negative affect on her health and shortens her life span. The researchers said that they think the reason for it is that a younger wife tends to take care of her older husband and that’s why it improves so much in his life. But younger men do not take good care of their older wife. 

I’d say enjoy it while it lasts. But don’t give up your life for this guy. He’s helped you find a part of you that was lost for a while. That’s good. Enjoy it.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

vngufmxw said:


> Sex my be good but that's not all that is needed for a full relationship


Did you miss the rest of her post? It's not just about sex for her. There is a real connection in many ways.


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## elizabethdennis (Jan 16, 2013)

Just enjoy what you have right now. But don't stop him from enjoying his life. He's too young, don't deprive him of what he yes has to discover.


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

If you can enjoy this without worrying about the future, go for it. My nephew married a woman 16 years his senior when he was only about 24, and they are still happily together. Some extremely intelligent people are more mature--but it is a rare combination, b/c a lot of people with high IQs can also be socially awkward, etc. 

Just know that it might not be forever b/c he does have a life to live--and so do you. There are no guarantees in any relationship--you are just more aware of that b/c of the age difference and the fact that it is "unusual." But it is "unusual" because of old-fashioned beliefs, etc., not because it "doesn't work." We--as a species--haven't seen it enough to know if it works!


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## Wiltshireman (Jan 23, 2013)

OP,

You are both consenting adults so why not just be happy with what you have now and see what develops. There are no guarantees with any relationship and one in which you have such obvious difference (age & race) could make things harder but then again they do say “that opposites attract”.

Older women can have successful relationships / marriages with younger men (and visa versa) so the best of luck to you both.

BTW my mother-in-law is 24 years older than her second husband and they have been married for 12 years. It works for them (even if my wife does find it strange that her step-father is younger than her).


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

I've been on the other side of this equation twice in my life when I was single.
Dated one woman who was 10 years older and me , and just out of a LTR , and another woman who was 10 years older than me and just divorced.

The lovemaking was passionate, the connection was great , but we were at different stages in our lives.
After the initial " bang " of the relationship, reality sets in......

In order for this to work , expectations must be made clear.
There must be deep communication and brutal honesty .

And yes,
It can be very difficult, but as in all relationships , if it is handled properly , I can imagine the rewards would be great.


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

Of course this is just an opinion but I don't see the huge deal in this case in the actual # of years age difference as others have pointed out but more at what age you are as far as stages of life passed.It really the fact he is so young in his life span in comparison to you if that makes sense.Like there is a difference in an 18 yo marrying a 30 year old verses a 30 year old marrying a 42 year old.Or a 50 year old marrying a 62 yo.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

dallasapple said:


> Of course this is just an opinion but I don't see the huge deal in this case in the actual # of years age difference as others have pointed out but more at what age you are as far as stages of life passed.It really the fact he is so young in his life span in comparison to you if that makes sense.Like there is a difference in an 18 yo marrying a 30 year old verses a 30 year old marrying a 42 year old.Or a 50 year old marrying a 62 yo.


:iagree:

It is always the percentage difference rather than the number, IMO.


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## AlmostYoung (May 24, 2012)

spinach said:


> In a way I wish I never met him, because even though the last 8 months have been some of the happiest in my entire life,* I can't stand the thought of what I know is going to happen*.


This, to me, is the red flag more than anything else. If you can't deal with what you "KNOW" is going to happen, and continue on with the R, then you're only setting both of you up for some big pain later. 

This is your mature intuition speaking to you.

As for the "enjoy it while it lasts" sentiment posted by many... Really? 

Personally, short term relationships or flings hold absolutely no interest for me, but I guess everyone is different.


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## LouAnn Poovy (Mar 21, 2013)

*I hope the message to you would be the same if the gender roles were reversed. I won't hold my breath. *


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## LouAnn Poovy (Mar 21, 2013)

AlmostYoung said:


> This, to me, is the red flag more than anything else. If you can't deal with what you "KNOW" is going to happen, and continue on with the R, then you're only setting both of you up for some big pain later.
> 
> This is your mature intuition speaking to you.
> 
> ...


:iagree:


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

I wouldn't be exactly thrilled if my 22 yo daughter was looking to "marry" a 35 yo man TBH..The only "advantage" to that is children IMHO..I think I would be a little more "disturbed" if my son wanted children and he was the 22 yo with a woman in her mid 30's.Not even just because they couldn't but if he wanted he would feel sort of rushed to have them younger than he was ready for.

My sister married a man 9 years older they started dating when he she was 19 and he was 28.I'll admit we did "wonder at first" becasue she was really still closer to a child and he was well into adulthood.They married when she was 22 and he 31...It did cause some problems because she was still on the "wild side" for quite a few more years and he was totally over that.Ya know she in her mid late 20's him approaching 40.Lets put it this ways they had many arguments about her needing to "grow up"..I'm like sorry dude.You should have married someone in your late early 30's who was in their late 20's early 30's if you wanted someone closer to your ideal as far as "grown up".Especially because he wanted the "settled down type" even to more of an extreme than some anyway.The whole "little wife at home greeting him at the door with his ****tail and slippers dinner in the oven to be on the table at 5:30 type.She was running around listening to rap music inviting her friends over to "party" .To her credit she DID try and succefually respected his desires much of the time.Including they had a daughter right away and she was a very attentive and loving mother .But she needed to let her hair down and be "young' still on occasion.His idea of a party was having his drinks while watching golf and grilling steaks out back.She like to hit the club scene still...


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

LouAnn Poovy said:


> *I hope the message to you would be the same if the gender roles were reversed. I won't hold my breath. *


The message wouldn't be the same.

A woman matures faster than a guy, so a 22 year old woman would be more mature than a 22 year old guy.

Mature enough for this kind of relationship? Maybe, maybe not. But she'd have a leg up on her 22 year old male counterpart.

As for this case, it sounds like OP knows where this is headed and "enjoy it while it lasts" is fine if she realizes that is all it is.


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## Dr. Rockstar (Mar 23, 2011)

I realize that this is purely anecdotal, but I had a friend in his late 30s. He married a woman under 25. They'll celebrate their 11th anniversary later this year, and they show no signs of slowing down.

On the other hand they're also pretty immature, so take that as you will.


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## LiveFastDieOld (Dec 1, 2012)

I can speak from experience.

My wife is 12 years my senior. I'm now 38, and we've been together 22 years. Surprisingly, the first 10 years or so were when we had more in common.

It's only now (and after 2 children) that I want different things from life. I really want to live now. She'd lived a life before she met me, I hadn't.

It really depends upon what your 22 year old wants from life.


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

Im sorry if a 28 year old woman was interested in my 16 year old son(or vice versa) I would pick up and move (if I couldn't have them arrested for "something)...Until she moved on and or my son or daughter was old enough to leave on their own and go for it.But I would never (sorry) have any respect for a 28 yo old person that would take interest in a CHILD of that age.I mean really..there are millions(understatement more like billions) of ADULTS to choose from.Leave my child alone.


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## tulsy (Nov 30, 2012)

AlmostYoung said:


> As for the "enjoy it while it lasts" sentiment posted by many... Really?
> 
> Personally, short term relationships or flings hold absolutely no interest for me, but I guess everyone is different.


I wouldn't call 8 months short-term or fling. Even if it ended tomorrow at the 8 month mark, I would consider that a regular relationship.

And what's wrong with "enjoy it while it lasts"? He was single, she was single...if you go into every relationship thinking it's going to be your last relationship, the "you and I forever" relationship, you will probably scare off a lot of partners.

I see nothing wrong with continuing the relationship and seeing where is goes...especially if they are both having a wonderful time together. 

The biggest obstacle may be his young age, but you NEVER know what's going to happen. 

Life is a story that hasn't been written yet.


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## Dr. Rockstar (Mar 23, 2011)

> Im sorry if a 28 year old woman was interested in my 16 year old son(or vice versa) I would pick up and move (if I couldn't have them arrested for "something)...Until she moved on and or my son or daughter was old enough to leave on their own and go for it.But I would never (sorry) have any respect for a 28 yo old person that would take interest in a CHILD of that age.I mean really..there are millions(understatement more like billions) of ADULTS to choose from.Leave my child alone.


I'm not sure we're talking about 30-year-old trying to pick up a high school sophomore. In most states that'd be statutory rape. I'm going with the assumption that all the people we're talking about in this thread are at least of legal drinking age.


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## Coffee Amore (Dec 15, 2011)

dallasapple said:


> Im sorry if a 28 year old woman was interested in my 16 year old son(or vice versa) I would pick up and move (if I couldn't have them arrested for "something)...Until she moved on and or my son or daughter was old enough to leave on their own and go for it.But I would never (sorry) have any respect for a 28 yo old person that would take interest in a CHILD of that age.I mean really..there are millions(understatement more like billions) of ADULTS to choose from.Leave my child alone.


Huh? How is the relevant to what the original poster's question? 

In your scenario, you're talking about an adult having a relationship with a minor. That's against the law in the US in many states. That's also a clear case of the adult taking advantage of a minor. Your example isn't an apples to apples comparison with the OP's situation. Her boyfriend is an adult. He's a younger adult, but he's not a teen and she's not taking advantage of him. There's no statutory rape in the OP's situation.


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## LiveFastDieOld (Dec 1, 2012)

That was in reference to my post I believe.

For what it's worth, I'm not in the USA, so it wasn't illegal in any shape or form. I was very mature for my age, she looked very young for hers. Nobody really noticed.

I think my parents were a little surprised when I was suddenly not about much, but they ultimately had no problem with the situation.


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

Yes please let me clarify..I was not referring to the OP.Many people have given their personal experience and insight to the OP's topic I was giving my reaction to a 16 yo (boy or girl) with a 28 year old (man or woman).That is just how I would feel if it was my 16 yo old son or daughter as well as as a 28 yo woman myself a sixteen YO would have been way out of my personal "range" even if it wasn't illegal.I'm sorry but that is TOO young for a way older person.Again as we have been talking about I would feel differently even if it was a 25 year old with a 37 yo..(even though I personally would not have dated someone that young at that age myself but its "different" ..a 16 yo should maybe not even be DATING yet LOL..an if they are ?another teenager not a person closer to going into mid life...My 23 yo is dating a 19 year old..no problem..I did "wonder" when he was dating a 26 year old woman when he was 19.(his first GF)..I didnt intefere nor "judge" ironically she broke up with him because he wasn't "mature enough"and depended too much on his parents..and I'm like NO Sh*** shirlock! He just graduated high school a year ago! DUH!

But yeah here LiveFastDieOld your relationship(not now) but when you were 16 and she 28 she would have been charged with some sort of abuse of a minor.And I'm sorry I agree with that.The exceptions (that you were way more mature for your age) can not be the rule and too many young people would be preyed upon and no one could do anything to protect them..


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

So its ok for a 35 year old man to date a 22 year old woman, but not ok for a 35 year old woman to date a 22 year old man.. WTF is up with that?

I would say go for it... Peoples maturity levels are not based on age alone. I have met some older people who lack maturity. Age is only a number. You only live once and you will never know what "could have been" if you don't take a chance.

For me however. I would not date a 22 year old (I will be 35 in a cpl of months) ONLY because I have a son who is 19 and that is way creepy.


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

ladybird said:


> So its ok for a 35 year old man to date a 22 year old woman, but not ok for a 35 year old woman to date a 22 year old man.. WTF is up with that?
> 
> I would say go for it... Peoples maturity levels are not based on age alone. I have met some older people who lack maturity. Age is only a number. You only live once and you will never know what "could have been" if you don't take a chance.
> 
> For me however. I would not date a 22 year old (I will be 35 in a cpl of months) ONLY because I have a son who is 19 and that is way creepy.


Yeah when I was 35 I had a 21 year old ..(my oldest (thank god LOL)...Plus Im 45 now and have another one 23..I look at his friends as CHILDREN to me..(not litterally children but too YOUNG for me)) I also have a 17 yo son his friends are "legal" it (for me) is repulsive to even think of them as being a sexual partner..And if my seventeen year old came in here and told me he was dating a 47 year old woman?She could "adopt him' then ..he would lose me and his fathers support unless he wanted to call us to come home ..most likely most of his family would fee the same way and he could go on and and live happily ever after and goodbye I'm sure she would throw him a great "happy 21 party" as she hit 51 ..the woman would never be welcome to step foot on my property and only once he was rid of her would I consider him back to his senses.

And yes I feel the SAME way about old men dating teenagers and young women..NO double standard here..you cant find someone that's not a practical child to get along with is proof in point..


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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

Age bigotry between consenting adults is no different from any other kind of bigotry.

You'll find stereotypes being used and the facile logic that "I find the idea of sex with [X] creepy" so therefore it is wrong.

Where X = Catholic, Jew, Protestant, Asian, African, Caucasian, Fat, Skinny, Tall, Short, Rich, Poor, Older, Younger, etc.

Fortunately we live in a society where the law protects us against that bigotry and allows adults the freedom to have relationships with whomever they please. 

I find the idea of sex with 99.9% of the world population as creepy, especially the other men, but I'm smart enough to understand that has no relevance whatsoever to their own relationships.

Do I say "oh God I have a brother/father/son who is a man so the idea of sex with a man is wrong"? No, and you don't see me saying that they couldn't find women to shack up with so they resorted to men. 

It's their business. And I'll perform the marriage ceremony myself if one of my sons wants to marry another man or an older woman or whatever.


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

Dr. Rockstar said:


> I'm not sure we're talking about 30-year-old trying to pick up a high school sophomore. In most states that'd be statutory rape. I'm going with the assumption that all the people we're talking about in this thread are at least of legal drinking age.


I don't know post seem to appear and disapear..One of my responses was a woman who said she was 49 and married a 19 year old (which of course isn't statuatory rape)..then said she (they don't care what people think) then deleted her post.All I could say about that is I have a 17 year old son.And that's "legal age of consent".I would NEVER speak to or want to meet the 47 year old woman who thought she was good marriage material for my 17 year son..Let alone 2 years later when he is 19 and she is 49..But as LONG as they are "happy" ?Then my son doesnt need me or his father ..And she shouldn't care right?They have "each other".Just be happy/As she enters into her senior years as he just begins to enter young adult life..Its none of my business hes an "adult" (can legally consent to sex ).Wonder what they will do when he hits 21 and he can buy beer (legally)?and she is into hormone replacement therapy and having a historectomy?Whatever barring extreme exceptions its totally wrong and unfair.


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

Wiserforit said:


> Age bigotry between consenting adults is no different from any other kind of bigotry.
> 
> You'll find stereotypes being used and the facile logic that "I find the idea of sex with [X] creepy" so therefore it is wrong.
> 
> ...


Its not sex...I have a problem with MUCH older people taking YOUG people and tying them down..I'm 45 Im sure I could find an attractive 75 year old to "have sex ////I would be hard pressed to marry a 75 year old ..and I'm OLD LOL!!

Im talking about YOUNG bareley born people ..hooking up in commited relationships with people hitting mid life..its wrong..IMHO...


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## Ellie5 (Mar 12, 2013)

Wiserforit said:


> If he doesn't see a problem, why should you? I married a 19 year old at 49. What other people think doesn't matter to us. What mattered was whether we liked being together and had the same vision about a shared future.


:iagree:

It's nobody's business but your own. How shallow are we as human beings if "what we look like" as a couple really matters?

Enjoy your relationship while it lasts, whether that's a lifetime or a brief few weeks/months. It could be more painful to end it further down the line, but that's your choice no one else's.


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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

dallasapple said:


> Then my son doesnt need me or his father ..And she shouldn't care right?They have "each other".Just be happy/As she enters into her senior years as he just begins to enter young adult life..Its none of my business hes an "adult" (can legally consent to sex ).


"I don't like it, therefore no parent will"

In our case, her father performed the marriage ceremony for us. 

I lived with them for several months before getting married. We built a house together with the whole extended family, which is a very important cultural affect of the Philippines. (Mutual reciprocity in the extended family).

This is exactly the opposite of your presumption of "not needing" the parents and rejecting each other. This is working side by side for a common goal and bonding prior to marriage. 

You want that in any marriage, and when the father is thrilled enough about it he will marry the couple himself.


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## JWilliams (Jul 2, 2012)

I didn't read all of this thread. 

I married my wife when I was 18. She was 37. She is my first true love. 

Yes we have a lot of different interested, but we learned to have interests together. 

I would not change it for anything. Love is not defined by age or life experience. 

Love is all in the heart


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## LouAnn Poovy (Mar 21, 2013)

Call me crazy, but I just don't understand the attraction in a May/Dec romance.


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## Rob774 (Sep 27, 2010)

My 2 cents...

They met each others needs perfectly. He's a maturing young man, who comes across a woman he finds very attractive, and is intrigued when he discovers she older than what she looks. He finds himself captivated by this new level of conversation that he's not use to because of dealing with women in his age group.

They finally sleep together and their bond intensifies. She gets the raw, athletic power that she thought that was inside of him manifest itself into sexual viracity. Where he gets this hightened level of love-making that once again, he wasn't used to because he was used to sleeping with women with only 4-5 years of sexual experience. Now he's being made to with a woman that's probably been getting busy for half her life. Her skills in the bedroom have been perfected, she's probably at her peak right now, and she's confident enough to convey exactly what she wants.

OP! I say ... go with it. Don't even bring it up at all to him. Don't even let him know you have "concerns" about this. Don't even put that into his mind. You don't have to. He already knows the deal, he isn't stupid. In the end, it will be up to him to decide to ride this out or not. There is already testimoney above the mentions that there are chances of success for relationships with this sorta gap working. Good Luck. Keep us posted.


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## stumblealong (Jun 30, 2010)

LouAnn Poovy said:


> *I hope the message to you would be the same if the gender roles were reversed. I won't hold my breath. *


Problem is...I don't think most men would come on here asking for advice on how to handle the age difference.


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## LouAnn Poovy (Mar 21, 2013)

stumblealong said:


> Problem is...I don't think most men would come on here asking for advice on how to handle the age difference.


:iagree:


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

stumblealong said:


> Problem is...I don't think most men would come on here asking for advice on how to handle the age difference.


:iagree:

And that's the subtle difference a lot of posters are missing.....


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## KJ5000 (May 29, 2011)

Regardless of gender, the age difference is a pretty big one and you can't really label him as being immature when he's stlll going to want to do things a 22 year old wants to do. 

If you're cool with that then it's all good.

Also, if he decides he wants kids you two will have to get started SOON.


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

I met my husband at 18 he was 10 years older. We got married shortly after i turned 19.

Age does not define a person, it is only a number. Who cares if a 35 year old wants to date a 22 year old or vise versa. They are both adults!!! Who are we to judge them.


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

dallasapple said:


> Im sorry if a 28 year old woman was interested in my 16 year old son(or vice versa) I would pick up and move (if I couldn't have them arrested for "something)...Until she moved on and or my son or daughter was old enough to leave on their own and go for it.But I would never (sorry) have any respect for a 28 yo old person that would take interest in a CHILD of that age.I mean really..there are millions(understatement more like billions) of ADULTS to choose from.Leave my child alone.


 This would be different. It has nothing to do with a 16 year old, but a 22 year who is an adult.


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## Finding her way (May 30, 2013)

spinach said:


> I'm 35. He's 22. I've been divorced for four years. I met my ex-husband when I was 16 and we were married when we were 23. The first few years of our marriage were bliss but as we reached our thirties, things became very stale. What finally put the nail in the coffin was the fact that he committed adultery with one of my so called closest friends.
> 
> It took me almost two years to get over the trauma of the divorce. I was on meds and therapy. I finally got over all the things that happened and was happy again. However, I had no intention of getting involved with another man at all. There was no physical nor emotional desire for me to do so, until I met a particular young man.
> 
> ...


Id be really interested to see how this goes, I am 36 and recently was hotly pursued by a man of 21.At first I kept dismissing him because of the age difference, though we have similar interests i couldnt concieve how we could connect as much of what he is doing is stuff I did ten years ago!

Last weekend we wound up at the same party and with much determination once again he tried to win me over.Part of this was a well thought out discourse on why age doesn't matter for him. He is a remarkable young man and amongst other things said that he just cant find much in common with girls his own age.We spent the weekend together and I discovered we had more in common than I thought!

I also found he was easier to talk to than men the same age as me that Ive dated, he seemed more open and honest about his perspective on life and his emotions......I dunno maybe that is just youthful optimism on his part, perhaps he hasn't experienced enough to become jaded.

I really really like him but am still struggling with the age thing.I wonder how it will ever work but I feel If I don't give it a go then Im not giving enough respect to a wonderful connection that I wouldn't think twice about exploring if he were closer to my age.......

I have decided to just go with the flow whilst trying not to make any assumptions about what we both have or don't to offer each other.I feel like generally in life we miss out on an awful lot of good things because we make to many assumptions based on what society or others tell us.

Probably not very helpful for you but hey, you're not the only one in this boat at least and if it helps any, all of the people I have confided about this in have encouraged me to go for it!

Good luck and keep me posted!:scratchhead:


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

Ha! You ladies have to stop. If I ever go back on the market, there won't be anyone there who is around my age because they are all with young guys  I guess if all the young guys are dating women around my age then that leaves all the young women their age ... maybe this defies the stereotype but they don't do much for me. Yeah, their bodies still look hot but women my age are better in bed!

I am MOSTLY joking around ... but for me personally I think their relative lack of life experience and different priorities would drive me crazy ... what would I talk to them about? Cognitive development doesn't even reach adult maturity until around the age of 26. I mean sure, I suppose I could transport myself back in time and enjoy their "youthful exuberance" for a while ... a short while. The age difference isn't a problem for me ... it is the relative youth of someone in their early 20's.


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## ClimbingTheWalls (Feb 16, 2013)

My husband is 12 years older than me. That does bring challenges, now that I am in my forties and wanting lots of sex whereas he would be happy to sit in his armchair and wear his slippers. It takes work - but we are working on it.

A friend of the family hooked up with a woman 20 years his senior. When he was 40 and she was 60 it was OK. Now that he is 60 and she is 80 he is not liking it so much.

I personally think that an age gap should not be a reason for not pursuing a relationship BUT you have to recognise that it will bring its own issues. If you love each other enough to deal with them, then that's great.

All I would say is that the OP should absolutely not get pregnant. And if she wants a family then she should think very carefully whether this young man is right for her.


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## PreRaphaelite (Dec 15, 2012)

Enjoy.

If you've got the hots for this guy, if his virility and enthusiasm excite you and the two of you have been sharing many things together, then why stop?

Just don't make plans. Have a wonderful relationship for as long as it lasts. You're not married, he's full of youthful vigor and enthusiasm. The moment you start thinking too much of the future the pleasure in it will fade.

Later in life you may look back upon this love affair with great fondness. Don't spoil it.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

ClimbingTheWalls said:


> I personally think that an age gap should not be a reason for not pursuing a relationship *BUT you have to recognise that it will bring its own issues. If you love each other enough to deal with them, then that's great.*
> 
> All I would say is that the OP should absolutely not get pregnant. And if she wants a family then she should think very carefully whether this young man is right for her.


:iagree:

Usually these types of relationships can be very fulfilling at a visceral level, because of the amount of effort needed to make it work.

However, there are insurmountable problems inherent to that type of dynamic.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

My hb is 19 years older than me, and I find that the issue with age gaps is the differences in baggage. This is why age differences matter less the older both parties get, because the baggage tends to even out. 13 years is big at 22 and 35; having said that it doesn't mean your can't enjoy it, just understand that odds are it's not going to be long term. And as another poster already said, do not get pregnant and do not come back here complaining about his maturity level; you have to assume he's immature and make your decisions accordingly. On a side note, I find that with large age differences the older party often still sees themselves as much younger than they really are; I know this is true of my hb and he'll openly admit it. It's not necessarily a bad thing, just an observation. OP met her ex at 16 and in some ways didn't experience some of her youth; this guy gives her a chance to make up for what she missed. I say have a good time, just remember what it likely is. If something more happens that's great but don't expect it. The OP's use of the term "terrified" tells me she's already too invested in it. Lighten up and have fun.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Sanity (Mar 7, 2011)

When I was 20 and in college I had a few romps in the sheets with a teacher's aid doing her intern hours. She was 35 and had that hot librarian look. That was a great experience but it ended once she began to have feelings for me and wanted something serious. My point being that a 22 year old is more than likely loving the loving you are giving him and acting out some fantasy. My thought process and emotionally maturity are light years from 20 to my current age of 35. 

OP try to stick to your age bracket or older if you want a higher chance of success. A young man that age just doesn't have the maturity for the long term especially when his eyes wander to a younger specimen in his age bracket.


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## Sanity (Mar 7, 2011)

PreRaphaelite said:


> Enjoy.
> 
> If you've got the hots for this guy, if his virility and enthusiasm excite you and the two of you have been sharing many things together, then why stop?
> 
> ...



Basically treat this relationship like a wild rollercoaster. Get on, ride it, scream, cry, laugh and get off with a smile of the happy memories. :smthumbup:


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

Sanity said:


> When I was 20 and in college I had a few romps in the sheets with a teacher's aid doing her intern hours. She was 35 and had that hot librarian look. That was a great experience but it ended once she began to have feelings for me and wanted something serious. My point being that a 22 year old is more than likely loving the loving you are giving him and acting out some fantasy. My thought process and emotionally maturity are light years from 20 to my current age of 35.
> 
> OP try to stick to your age bracket or older if you want a higher chance of success. A young man that age just doesn't have the maturity for the long term especially when his eyes wander to a younger specimen in his age bracket.


Yeah, I keep thinking back to when I was in my early 20s. I thought I had it together and maybe it looked that way from all appearances. In great shape, near the top of my class in college, great future, eyes wide open. Truth is that I didn't know anything. I had the tools for life but none of the perspective. I'm sure that I might have seemed a lot of fun to someone much older but I didn't have much to offer except perhaps a window back to their youth. I married at 25 and I realize now that was a mistake. I did not have the perspective I needed to make that type of life-long commitment. I think I was enamored with being in love and had not yet understood what I wanted.

Like I said in a post earlier, the age difference wouldn't concern me. It is the relative youth of the person. It would be completely different if the person was 30 and you were 43. That would have a better chance for long term success.

Like others said, enjoy it, avoid setting unrealistic expectations for what could be and have the time of your life.


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## Anonymous07 (Aug 4, 2012)

spinach said:


> I'm 35. He's 22.
> 
> The reason I'm posting this on this site is because the future between us is unclear. He's graduating from college in the summer and a new adventure will begin for him. Whereas I'm approaching middle-age. We're two people going in two different directions and I'm terrified because I feel the age gap between us won't be able to survive the reality that is before us.
> 
> Can anyone offer any advice or input on the situation? It will be greatly appreciated.


I don't really have an issue with age-gap relationships, as my husband is 10 years older than me, but what makes it work for us is that we have the same values and goals in life. We both have the same religious beliefs, same core values, same goals(careers, college degrees, family, etc.), and so on. 

He is only 22. Does he want to have a family? You are at a point where having a family might be difficult(fertility declines at 35), if you even want to go there. And if you do want a family, is he the type of father you want for your children? 22 year old males tend to be very immature and he isn't at a place to provide for a family right now. What does he want to do after he graduates? He has a lot of decisions to make about his future. 

There are a lot of things that are up in the air that you need to think about.


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