# This Roller Coaster



## oviid (Sep 27, 2013)

I'm in the process of legal separation. While I don't want it I also understand why we are here. No cheating, abuse or yelling at each other but still I am here. I understand that emotional neglect and failure to tackle problems early on can doom a marriage, I'm proof of that. Our marriage, as I know it, will end. 

One of the things that stands out the most to me when reading comments here is when things take a turn for the worse people almost always point to themselves looking for answers as to how they caused it or why they are the blame. They say they know they are guilty of this or that. I think that reflection is good but I also think it's good to look at the big picture. Are you the only one to blame? It's hard to think that way when there's pain but I've learned that I need to think about the good I have done. I'm not perfect but I also know I am not the only reason why this marriage is where it is right now.

Something that always follows the self blame is the vow to better yourself in hopes that it will make your marriage survive this. I can tell you too from personal experience that is not always the case. But what I also know is that when you take a good look at yourself and decide to make that change, put in the work and really make it happen, you will come out a better person in the end no matter what happens to your marriage.


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## hopefulbuthonest (Oct 7, 2013)

Many times people will take an honest look at the situation and realize the problems are not one sided. But you cannot help the other person fix their issues. You can however be honest with yourself and deal with what you have going on within you. Life comes from us not at us. You can beat yourself up about what you may or may not have done and choose one of two paths. Decide you want to change some things about yourself or decide you are happy with who you are. Either way, a little self reflection is not a bad thing.

Everything will not always be ok. But sometimes holding onto that one tiny sliver of hope is enough for some people to become who they really want to be. Their situation may not change with their partner, but they can come out the other side stronger and more resilient. Love yourself. If you can find a way to do that, you can love others without hesitation.


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## oviid (Sep 27, 2013)

Love yourself is great advice. I wonder how many people can say they love the person they are? I guess we can all use improvement and you have to ask yourself that question sometimes and if the answer is, " I don't even *like* the person I am." The next step is a step towards changing. 

The way I see my situation now is I will work on me and if my marriage somehow survives I will see that as a kick a#$ extra bonus BUT I will not work on myself with the only hope being that my marriage will survive as a result.


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## hopefulbuthonest (Oct 7, 2013)

Great outlook to have. I have no idea where my marriage is going to end up. Right now I need to keep a positive outlook on life. I do not always love myself, but I am learning to.


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