# Article: The Top 5 Reasons People Cheat



## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

Sep 11, 2015
News & Views: From the Editors of Health

The Top 5 Reasons People Cheat

September 3, 2015 | By Jessica Migala

The ****** ******* hack—a web site for those seeking extramarital affairs—has dominated the news for the past few weeks. Some 32 million account holders were exposed when hackers posted the raw data online in August, with multiple celebrities and other important folks (pastors and prosecutors alike) hanging their heads in shame. Now there are apologies being issued and even lawsuits being filed—it’s truly a mess.

But the reality is this isn’t new, of course: Most Americans say infidelity is wrong, but affairs happen. Research indicates that about 25% of married men and 20% of married women cheat.

And while it’s easy to blame a lack of morals (or hypocrisy) the real reasons people step out on their spouses are far more complicated. “Most people will say that they weren’t planning on it or didn’t want it. It often happens when people aren’t looking for it,” Kristin Zeising, Psy.D., a sex therapist and couples counselor in San Diego, California, explained to Health. It doesn’t make it any less hurtful or wrong. But this means that, most people don’t make a calculated decision to cheat. Rather, relationship or life troubles bubble over time, and then, well, an opportunity presents itself that by then seems irresistible.

Zeising shared with us the most common problems that can lead to infidelity down the road

Feeling unsatisfied with each other

It’s a cliché because it’s true. “Unsatisfied” might mean you’re not sexually in sync with your partner or that you’re unhappy in the relationship, but either disconnect may make you or your partner more likely to cheat, suggests 2011 research from the Archives of Sexual Behavior. The study found that 72% of men and 62% of women who cheated said they weren’t happy in the relationship. And 74% and 48% of cheating men and women, respectively, said they weren’t sexually compatible with their partner.

“For both men and women, there’s an emotional component to cheating,” Zeising says. “They may feel a lack of connection, affection, or not feel appreciated by their partner.”

To help affair-proof your relationship, it’s important to be honest with each other about your needs and desires, express your feelings, and show your partner they matter to you.

The wage gap

People that bring home the bacon—and have a partner completely dependent on their earnings—are more likely to be cheated on, per a new study in American Sociological Review. It may be one way the non- or lesser-earning spouse evens the stakes in the relationship. Men, they discovered, took the inequality the hardest, making them more likely to stray, compared to women.

As with all things money-related, communication is key—even if that means simply airing built-up resentment. When you figure out the source of the frustration, you can deal with it in a way that makes you and your partner happier and work out your expectations for the relationship. (Rather than letting it stew under the surface.)

Coming up on a big birthday

How many candles are you getting ready to blow out on your cake? A 2014 study published in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences looked at anonymous data provided by a dating site “for people who are already in relationships” (they didn’t specify whether it was ****** *******), and found that, for men ages 25 to 64, there were 18% more users whose ages ended in “9.” The authors speculate that those on the verge of a big birthday are more likely to search for meaning—and sometimes that meaning is found in an extramarital affair.

Having ways to problem solve effectively will help you buffer those changes. For example, the researchers also found that recreational marathon runners entering a new decade ran faster race times, so people may channel anxiety about big milestones in productive ways, too.

Boredom

“This is a really common reason people cheat. One survey found that 71% of men and 49% of women cheated because they were bored,” says Zeising. It’s sad, but true. Plan activities that create novelty and adventure (like vacation!), and the sexual excitement can follow, she says.

Feeling unsatisfied with yourself

Sadly this isn’t one you can fix for your partner, but it is one you can watch out for in yourself. Whether it’s an ego stroke, an effort to feel better about yourself, or a desire to feel attractive during a midlife crisis, people cheat because they’re looking outside for validation in the wrong place. “This is an inside job. Think about what is going on for you that you need to address rather than searching for someone external to make you feel better,” Zeising says.

Hope after infidelity

“We can never guarantee we won’t be cheated on,” Zeising says. If cheating does happen, Zeising has seen some relationships bounce back in it’s wake. “It can open up the door to address problems in the dynamic of the relationship,” she says. “I’ve seen relationships grow stronger.”


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## Nomorebeans (Mar 31, 2015)

Nope. The real top five reasons people cheat are these:

1. They're selfish. 

2. They're selfish.

3. They're selfish.

4. They're selfish.

5. They're selfish.


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

Nomorebeans said:


> Nope. The real top five reasons people cheat are these:
> 
> 1. They're selfish.
> 
> ...


Of the list in the article the one that jumped out as most vile to me was "boredom" in other words you had no real reason to cheat!


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## Nomorebeans (Mar 31, 2015)

I read the list, and all of them applied to me and my now ex marriage except the wage gap one. We were married for 25 years - of course there were times I was dissatisfied, coming up on big birthdays, bored. I never cheated. And I was propositioned a few times, once by a much younger man. Not strangers - men who knew me and seemed to appreciate me. It didn't even occur to me to seriously consider an affair with any one of them.

I'd love to see noted psychologists start writing articles about the truth about cheaters. The truth is they lack moral character and are terminally selfish. I know many a BS - male and female - who was loving and supportive and had plenty of good, regular sex with their spouses, and still got cheated on. Because they weren't feeding their egos quite enough.

Really, this applies to cheaters of all kinds. They think they're better than other people, to the point that they cease to care who they hurt and how much in order to get that happiness they're so more entitled to and deserving of than others. See Bernie Madoff.


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## commonsenseisn't (Aug 13, 2014)

I think the title would be more accurate if the word "reasons" was replaced with "excuses".

The reasons are well summed up with selfishness and a liberal dose of dishonesty mixed in.


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## Dyokemm (Apr 24, 2013)

1. They're selfish.

2. They have entitlement issues.

3. They have sh*tty coping mechanisms for life stress.

4. They have screwed up boundaries with others.

5. The have not a shred of dignity and self-respect, but rather pathetic levels of self-esteem.

There's my opinion on the top 5 reasons cheaters cheat.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

They cheat because life is all about them and their needs, to hell with anyone else


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## drifting on (Nov 22, 2013)

These may be the top five "reasons" out of a myriad of "reasons" to have an affair, but it's also much more then this. If you ask a person who is cheating you just may get these "reasons". The cheater is actually fake from what I have been figuring out. I'm not saying all cheaters are fake but a good percentage of cheaters have a facade, their life is nothing like it appears to be. Their facade is about as thick as the edge of a piece of paper. 

That's why they rewrite history, lie, live a double life, deny, and stay far away from the truth. After all they have to look into a mirror, and when they lie long enough they believe it. Add in the fact that deep inside they're broken, and the recipe starts to come together. Look do an affair, my wife said she never looked for an affair. She didn't wake up one morning and think, I'll have an affair today. Of course not, but she didn't shut the advances down either, she didn't inform me I was in a fight for my marriage. No, she all in her own accepted these advances, acted on these advances, and now we are trying to sort it all out. 

So right of the bat my wife had poor boundaries, low self esteem, poor relationship skills, and poor communication skills. I mean before you go have sex with someone other then your spouse, shouldn't you be communicating? So now you can add poor communication skills to a cheater. 

Is the marriage to blame for the affair, I don't think so but there probably is a few exceptions to this. Our marriage wasn't great, wasn't terrible either, in fact the month her affair ended was the first time I thought of divorce. Hmmm I want a divorce as for the last six months she was cheating but I didn't know. All I knew was that I was done living in a marriage that was terrible. But it was terrible because she was cheating. It took her a few months to remember that all those lies she believed, were truths, even though she believed her lies. 

Cheaters will do anything to justify their "reasons", anything to keep from being caught, but what amazes me the most is they lie to their own children. They endanger their children with STD's, they take time away from their children, they lie to their friends, they lie to the person they cheat with. Yet even more amazingly, the person they cheat with is a great person! Yet when the affair is discovered the person is no longer all that great. 

I guess I'll never fully understand infidelity, well the why of it at least, I know all too well the rest of infidelity though.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
The reason I have been very tempted to cheat (though I haven't) is simple. My wife won't sleep with me. I've got a quarter century with a very limited sex life, and I desire much more.

Leaving her might or might be better than cheating, but both would hurt her very deeply, so I do neither.

I would not however fault anyone who did cheat under these conditions, especially if they had kids or another situation that made it difficult to leave.


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## OnTheFly (Mar 12, 2015)

Often in the Coping with Infidelity threads a lot of vitriol is directed toward the affair partner (rightly so!!) along with highly appropriate acronym POSOM or POSOW. 

With this in mind, when reading the article, all I could think about was POSS (piece of sh*t spouse) and their sh*tty excuses.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

There are really only two reasons: 

They want to. 
They can.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Nomorebeans said:


> Nope. The real top five reasons people cheat are these:
> 
> 1. They're selfish.
> 
> ...


That's a stupid oversimplification. It leaves no room for prevention, and no hope for reconciliation. And since selfishness is fairly easy to detect in someone, it means you'd have to be stupid to marry them. Oversimplification also means you'll never understand other people well enough to avoid making or repeating similar mistakes in your next relationship. Yes, let's abandon all hope and reason!


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

Rowan said:


> There are really only two reasons:
> 
> They want to.
> They can.


I would add to that list: They enjoy it.


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

OnTheFly said:


> Often in the Coping with Infidelity threads a lot of vitriol is directed toward the affair partner (rightly so!!) along with highly appropriate acronym POSOM or POSOW.
> 
> With this in mind, when reading the article, all I could think about was POSS (piece of sh*t spouse) and their sh*tty excuses.


what was interesting is the psychologists seeks to downplay flawed character from the outset..


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