# How to handle a high strung partner who has tons of pet peeves...?



## JW8614 (Sep 8, 2014)

Me and my partner have a lot in common, but we also have 2 total opposite personalities.

He's a Type-A personality, a total control freak, very high strung, easily exasperated, etc lol... I'm definitely a Type-B, extremely laid back, I ignore a lot, and I have a "just deal with it" attitude.

It's getting to the point were I can't just deal with him anymore and I hate and dread doing normal stuff around the house with him in the room, because he's so annoying and has to dictate everything.

For instance, I'm washing dishes, I close the cap on the dish liquid, he goes "can you please not close the cap, it's annoying for me to open with my hands wet when I wash." Umm, okay... So I leave it open 

Again, washing dishes - "can you make sure you squeeze the soap out of the sponge when you're done using it, I hate that..."

Feed the dogs - him: "can you start feeding them less." Me: "I can't feed them any less without starving them." Him "they'll be fine, they're getting fat blah blah blah"

These are just a few things I can think of off the top of my head.

I challenege him about half the time, but usually just say "whatever" to myself and let him say whatever to avoid an argument. Because he's such a know-it-all, we'd be going back and forth forever.

I love him, but don't know if I can continue living like this though - feels like a parent-child relationship sometimes and thats not cool.

Has this happened with anyone else and how do you deal?


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## GA HEART (Oct 18, 2011)

Yes, I broke up with him. 

The "high strung" bled into our disagreements and he would spout awful, hateful stuff. And at the same time, that passion that he always seemed to show towards everything else on the planet diminished towards me. It's like he had it backwards. I had to let him go. 

He moved out about a month ago. It was hard because I loved him very much (love him still.) But I finally realized that he just was emotionally too immature for me to deal with.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Love is not enough. It must be combined with compatibility for a relationship to thrive.

You've mentioned petty stuff, JW, which may be annoying but IMO not really a deal-breaker. (Enough of them - frequently - might be, though!) If these behaviors extend to major issues, then they are very likely deal-breakers.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

put up out get out.

your choice. spend the rest of your life with a controlling a$$hole or cut your losses.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Here is a way to solve the 2 that you mentioned.... 

Let *HIM* always feed the dog since he is whining over how much / how little you put in the bowl ..and *YOU* always do the dishes ... then he has no reason to care about the cap and squeezing of the sponge, since he won't have to touch either.. or you can get a dispenser (so there is no cap)... for myself & daughter.. she likes to use a sponge...and I like the scouring pad (no sponge).... so we have both ...no biggie .. 

There are ways to deal with minor annoyances.... sit down and openly discuss them & find out what will alleviate his irritation.. then modify .. so these little squabbles will dry up..
...

Some of this just sounds like a "Back seat Driver"...he thinks he has to correct everything you do.. that would get doggone annoying alright.... he needs to understand he is shooting himself in the foot , causing you to find him gravely unattractive ... why would he want that!


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

1. Dishwashing: Remind him that nobody elected him Dishwashing Sheriff and ignore the BS. He's authorized to feel annoyed if that's his wish. 

2. Dog feeding: Yes, I can feed them less. I can do lots of things less (hint, hint).


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## SamuraiJack (May 30, 2014)

I was with a girl like this.
It didnt last.

When you mention Child/Parent Dynamic...that alone is a HUGE red flag.
Some people can dial it down, but its been my experience that people like that have a hard time with it and its a deal breaker.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

unbelievable said:


> 1. Dishwashing: Remind him that nobody elected him Dishwashing Sheriff and ignore the BS. He's authorized to feel annoyed if that's his wish.
> 
> 2. Dog feeding: Yes, I can feed them less. I can do lots of things less (hint, hint).


then starts the resentment I'm pi$$ed so I will with hold sex.

bad road to go down in my opinion. and most times its a dead end.

if your not compatible then realize it the sooner the better.

if your gut is telling you your not compatible listen to it.


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## Joe Cool (Feb 24, 2015)

Confront in the clearest way. 

When my wife said change or else this isn't going to work, I was hurt but I also was happy to change my destructive ways. 

She was more important than my idiot list of peeves. 

When I was put on notice I was annoying and driving a wedge of resentment between me and the awesome wife I loved, the choice was very easy. 

Try that. If it doesn't work then bail


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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

Could he have OCD issues?


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## JW8614 (Sep 8, 2014)

SimplyAmorous said:


> Here is a way to solve the 2 that you mentioned....
> 
> Let *HIM* always feed the dog since he is whining over how much / how little you put in the bowl ..and *YOU* always do the dishes ... then he has no reason to care about the cap and squeezing of the sponge, since he won't have to touch either.. or you can get a dispenser (so there is no cap)... for myself & daughter.. she likes to use a sponge...and I like the scouring pad (no sponge).... so we have both ...no biggie ..
> 
> ...


Wow - thank you! Good advice!

He's definitely a backseat driver! I just feel he can be so domineering and its very annoying.


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## Orange_Pekoe (Jan 5, 2015)

JW8614 said:


> Me and my partner have a lot in common, but we also have 2 total opposite personalities.
> 
> He's a Type-A personality, a total control freak, very high strung, easily exasperated, etc lol... I'm definitely a Type-B, extremely laid back, I ignore a lot, and I have a "just deal with it" attitude.
> 
> ...


Yes, I know how you feel. This is how my mother in law acted - dictating EVERY LITTLE THING I did in the kitchen. I hated it.

You need to have a talk with him and let him know how it makes you feel. He will change, if you are persistent. It will take a lot of time and effort from both of you, but it is possible.

He won't know how you feel unless you tell him directly, so don't keep it inside and let it fester.


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