# Pre-nuptial protection



## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

This is something I have had no experience with and very curious about. I tried doing a thread search here but none of them answered what I was looking for which is people's personal experience with them. 

When I got divorced I got lucky. My x wife who cheated on me of course wanted alimony and child support, even though I had and have my kids with me more time than she does. The only reason she didn't get any was because through the course of having her affair she slept with the guy she worked with at work. Not smart as it's a government building with cameras. So I told her no alimony no child support or I'll call your boss and have them check the cameras. That little bit of leverage is what saved me a lifetime of payments. Several of my friends who also were cheated on were not so lucky .

So many years out I find myself wondering would ever get married again. And the answer is not without an iron clad pre-nup that protects my money and kids money. 

Does anyone have any success stories or failures they would like to share in terms of prenups? Do they vary state to state? 

Thanks

Wolf


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

Prenups can be challenged. Sometimes they are overturned. 

You never know what another person is thinking or what they'll do.

You've been burned once by a woman who you thought would be committed to you for the rest of your life.

Why would you ever consider doing it again?


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## JustHer (Mar 12, 2013)

I would seek the advice from your attorney. Yes, each state is different. 

In my state, divorces are a 50 - 50 split, no matter what. The child support is figured with a predetermined chart and very rarely will the judge award alimony.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

pre-nups can be overturned as stated above. Your safest bet is just don't get married again or move to a state that lets you keep the assets you had prior to marriage and only requires you to split what came after marriage.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

ScarletBegonias said:


> pre-nups can be overturned as stated above. Your safest bet is just don't get married again or move to a state that lets you keep the assets you had prior to marriage and only requires you to split what came after marriage.



Well I guess that's what I need to know. Then I won't be getting married again if that's the case in my state. I guess that's what a prenup was. You split what you have earned together but anything prior to marriage stays with that person. Basically want to safeguard my retirement and my kids college fund.



lenzi said:


> Prenups can be challenged. Sometimes they are overturned.
> 
> You never know what another person is thinking or what they'll do.
> 
> ...


Because I picked a bad woman doesn't mean they all are that way. I am not religious by any stretch but the thought of dedicating yourself to another person, standing before your friends and family and stating your commitment, is appealing to me and something I do still believe in.

That said I wouldn't do it without protection. So if they can get manipulated and not stand up in court then I'm out of the marriage game all together. It's not just for me but also my kids. Living together will be the only significant step I will make.


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## MysticSoul (Mar 3, 2014)

We're still very young in our marriage (and in general, lol). I was advised to get a pre-nup before I married to protect my assets. But I didn't have any assets to protect. We both came to the table with pretty much nothing materialistic to our names. 

In my state, though, you keep anything you had before the marriage seperate. Whatever was accumulated during the marriage is split 50/50. I'm ok with that. Because if DH and I ever get a divorce (which I hope never happens), we each deserve our half of things. Because we both worked hard to make this life for ourselves. 

I doubt either of us would ask for alimony. Child support, sure. But alimony leaves a bad taste in my mouth. My parents divorced after over 10 years together. My dad ended up paying alimony to her until the day he died, after over 20 years divorced. SMH. That is disgraceful, in my opinion.


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

Wolf:

Read this: Five Reasons Your Prenup Might Be Invalid - Forbes


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

SlowlyGettingWiser said:


> Wolf:
> 
> Read this: Five Reasons Your Prenup Might Be Invalid - Forbes


Thank you for the article link. It was a good read.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

In Australia alimony is never paid. Child support yes. Alimony, no.

There'd be rioting in the streets if they ever tried to bring that in over here. Why on earth should a man be responsible for supporting his ex wife???


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## adriana (Dec 21, 2013)

Wolf1974 said:


> Does anyone have any success stories or failures they would like to share in terms of prenups? Do they vary state to state?


Yes, you can effectively protect your assets with a prenuptial agreement in case of marriage breakup. I'm currently going through a divorce after a short marriage and my prenup is virtually airtight. No valid grounds to challenge anything. 

My advice for you is to talk to a local attorney who has experience with pre-nuptial agreements. Internet advice is completely useless when it comes to legal matters.


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

ScarletBegonias said:


> pre-nups can be overturned as stated above. Your safest bet is just don't get married again or move to a state that lets you keep the assets you had prior to marriage and only requires you to split what came after marriage.


The problem one can have is that even cohabitation makes you 'married' by common law marriages. You don't even have to be married to end up giving up half your stuff and paying alimony.


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## hambone (Mar 30, 2013)

My first wife got everything I had... except I did get the half of the dog that she owned.

So, I owned a $100,000 dog!

I got a pre-nup.. What it did was layout what I had going into the marriage and what she had so that there would be no confusion as to what each owned prior to the marriage.

Good news is that I am just as madly in love with my wife today as I was the day we married. Our 22 wedding anniversary is tomorrow!


After that first experience... I don't know if I could have forced myself to marry again without the pre-nup.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

hambone said:


> my first wife got everything i had... Except i did get the half of the dog that she owned.
> 
> So, i owned a $100,000 dog!
> 
> ...


*Happy 22nd Anniversary, Ham! And many more to you, kind Sir!*


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## hambone (Mar 30, 2013)

arbitrator said:


> *Happy 22nd Anniversary, Ham! And many more to you, kind Sir!*


Thanks Arb!

This weekend is my wife's 40th HS reunion.


Tonight, they are dining at a fancy restaurant... So, I'm getting a two-fer. Killing two birds with one stone.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

larry.gray said:


> The problem one can have is that even cohabitation makes you 'married' by common law marriages. You don't even have to be married to end up giving up half your stuff and paying alimony.


True,I completely forgot about common law. here it's after 7 years.


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## COGypsy (Aug 12, 2010)

And common-law arrangements can also impact pre-nups. If you've been presenting yourselves as married and combined property or assets, it can be difficult to determine what assets pre-dated the marriage. In Colorado though, common law marriage is based on how you present yourselves to the community (life together, refer to each other as spouses, etc.) rather than a pre-determined amount of time together.

When I moved in with my ex, we created a cohabitation agreement that outlined responsibilities and property and later when we married, we did a pre-nup as well. Never really needed either one, even when we divorced, but it was good to outline everything beforehand. Led to some valuable discussions.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

hambone said:


> Thanks Arb!
> 
> This weekend is my wife's 40th HS reunion.
> 
> ...


*Go for it, Brother! Y'all have yourselves a large time!*


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

larry.gray said:


> The problem one can have is that even cohabitation makes you 'married' by common law marriages. You don't even have to be married to end up giving up half your stuff and paying alimony.


In my state this isn't true. So long as I don't hold us out to the community as married or put her on my insurance or combine our checking accounts....stuff like that then we are not common law married. That much I have researched very carefully

Wolf


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

COGypsy said:


> And common-law arrangements can also impact pre-nups. If you've been presenting yourselves as married and combined property or assets, it can be difficult to determine what assets pre-dated the marriage. In Colorado though, common law marriage is based on how you present yourselves to the community (life together, refer to each other as spouses, etc.) rather than a pre-determined amount of time together.
> 
> When I moved in with my ex, we created a cohabitation agreement that outlined responsibilities and property and later when we married, we did a pre-nup as well. Never really needed either one, even when we divorced, but it was good to outline everything beforehand. Led to some valuable discussions.



I am in Colorado as well. I have also been researching pre nups here and feel more confident with them now since I started this thread. 

CO has some nice protections so long as you follow the rules. The marriage agreement act here protects pre nups so long as you didn't hide assets, or that it wasn't signed under duress and so on. One thing a pre nip won't protect is if we had kids and child support. No issue since first thing I did when getting divorced was get snipped :smthumbup:


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