# I am at a loss. (long and rambling on)



## crete3121 (Dec 27, 2010)

deleted


----------



## Eli-Zor (Nov 14, 2010)

Crete if no one has answered your post by tonight I will pick this up in the morning Central European time. 

At this moment please keep calm and relax and while you may not want this information now Florida as far as I recall allows you to use adultry as a cause of seperation so you can have him and the other woman in court, to coin a phrase haul their asses over the coals, let's trust it does not come to that.

I will scan for your posts tomorrow morning
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## chefmaster (Oct 30, 2010)

He's trying to tell you he wants his wife back and he doesn't know what to do. He sees you as a mother after having dealt with all the fertility issues. You two not having sex just confirmed it for him.

He is testing the waters of infidelity by telling you he may have feelings for someone else. Get out a switch and whack his foot out of the water.

Find, for yourself, who you are now to him. A hot, sexy attractive person who can turn him on like a switch, and get the ball rolling. Before he gets to close to the edge and falls in.

Be fun, be creative and(pardon the crudeness) go at it like banshees.


----------



## Eli-Zor (Nov 14, 2010)

> I am so loss and so very hurt. I love him dearly and have every hope of fixing it- but is it even possible?


The answer is yes however *it takes two to fix a marriage* your husband has to actively engage in the rebuilding of your marriage , he cannot sit on the side and observe. 

From what I can read both your husband and you are not satisfying each other needs. 

As a start go to amazon and buy the "his needs her needs" book by Harley, therein it explains the emotional needs for a wife and a husband with examples. 

Amazon.com: His Needs, Her Needs: Building an Affair-Proof Marriage Fifteenth Anniversary Edition (9780800717889): Willard F. Harley Jr.: Books

I think your husband is either in an affair or looking for one. So you start with what is called a Plan A 



> The Carrot and the Stick of Plan A
> 
> 
> The carrot of Plan A
> ...



and do not move out of your home. 

What I cannot work out is if your husband is in an affair or he is using it as a threat above your head, hence I will ask you not to expose this to anyone, yet.

Buy the book, have the conversation with your husband, both of you should read the book and get external help from a councilor who is pro marriage. 

I do wonder if your husband is depressed or has another medical condition. To cover all bases you should both go see a doctor. 

In the interim find out who the other woman is (OW) so you have a name and contact details, she may not realize your husband has a crush on her or she may be an active participant in what is called an Emotional Affair (EA) that will ultimately lead to a physical affair (PA). You have to dig and start snooping. 

A phrase for you :- Privacy is going to the bathroom, secrecy is deceit so do not feel guilty looking for the information. 

For your information, most companies take a dim view of co-workers having affairs and they both risk losing their jobs. 

Some online reading for you from the affaircare site:-

http://www.affaircare.com/Articles.htm


Look after your health, mentally , physically, eat well and rest the journey ahead is tough and will require hard work.


----------



## crete3121 (Dec 27, 2010)

deleted


----------



## Eli-Zor (Nov 14, 2010)

He is manipulating you, he does not want you to call the OW because he has something to hide. Two hours in the bathroom with a laptop!!!



> My husband made it clear to me that if I contacted girl #2 it is over. I wonder why...


Do you know the other OW and have her contact details.? Call her , maybe your husband is stalking her , you never know. 

Please assume the worst and do not make excuses for him, depression or not .

At the moment I am concerned for you and your children, you are stressed and have two young children to look after. Your husband does not appear to be supporting you. Have you parents you can call on to help you, if so even if it means you go to them with your children I suggest you consider this as an option, stay there until you are in a better frame of mind. Secure monies to enable this if needs be move the money to an account only you control. 

What counts is you and your children, whether your husband is in an affair or not you are on your own and you need someone to support you.


----------

