# chatting online cheating??



## twistin_wood (Oct 20, 2010)

My wife and I have had a tough few years, she wanted a divorce 2 years ago and we have been slowly working on it. We have been married 20 years and have three kids.
One of my biggest problems is that she chats on face book with a guy friend late at night. I have seen her telling him our problems, but not the parts that she contributes to our downfalls. I admit i have read stuff without her knowing about it and just feel like I have to not only work hard on my marriage but I am also compeating against someone for my wife's attention. I know she has high morals and says its just a friend but I feel like the guy sometimes just says what she wants to here. She is also finishing up her last year of school to get her bachelors degree and I have always supported he education but when I am doing most all the house work and I come down at 2am and she is doing homework and has face book window open it really hurts. I really want this marriage to work out for us and our kids and am going the distance to make it happen. We are seeing a concealer but it seams we don't hit on problems as much as we should. Things have changed a lot we get along way better she says she on the fence, a year ago she was a mile away. But this one issue is bugging the crap out of me.
My question, is it unfair to ask her to stop talking to this guy?
How to ask her to stop talking to him and sounding like a jealous freak?


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

You should at least tell her NOT to discuss your marriage issues with ANYONE except you.

I would also be concerned with what else may be said on FB. Where is this guy and how does she know him?


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

2am chat?no way would i stand for that.if she is feeling so chatty she needs to chat with HER HUSBAND instead of some random dude on Wh*reBook oops i mean FB.

that's not being jealous,that's setting boundaries and keeping your marriage safe from the outside world.


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

ScarletBegonias said:


> 2am chat?no way would i stand for that.if she is feeling so chatty she needs to chat with HER HUSBAND instead of some random dude on Wh*reBook oops i mean FB.
> 
> that's not being jealous,that's setting boundaries and keeping your marriage safe from the outside world.



Uh... yeah... this... totally agree with it and its exactly what I would say. Ok maybe not exactly... but same concept.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## KathyBatesel (Apr 26, 2012)

I think if your marriage has been rocky, and she's still one foot out the door, issuing a demand is not going to help matters. 

That's not to say you shouldn't be concerned, because obviously her chats can be dangerous for your relationship. I just think you should tread very carefully here. 

Is there any reason you can't bring this up during your counseling appointments?


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

She needs to drop this guy.


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## thunderstruck (May 9, 2012)

A few years ago my W discovered FB, and it didn't take long for her to connect with an old male friend. Fast forward a few weeks, and she's up past midnight chatting. My gut started burning. While I sat around with my thumb up my azz for a month or so, the guy's W saw something she didn't like, and shut down their little chats. As far as I know, they cut all contact.

So...yeah...sit around with your thumb up your azz like I did, and pray that someone else comes in to do the heavy lifting, or shut down this BS yourself.


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## MrK (Sep 2, 2010)

ScarletBegonias said:


> .


"She had scarlet begonias, tucked into her curls..."

Sorry, couldn't resist. I LOVE that song.


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## Writer (Aug 3, 2012)

He's "just a friend" is a cheater's script. It's a huge red flag.

As long as she is engaged with this guy in an EA (or PA), the counseling will not help. It is like an using drug addict going to rehab. Rehab will not help if they are still taking the drugs in rehab.

You set boundaries, stand up for yourself, and don't be a doormat. If she crosses your boundaries, you enact consequences. Jealousy is the body's natural warning sign that something is wrong. To much is bad, though. By what you wrote, I don't think that you are in the wrong with being jealous.

She needs to lose the guy.


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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

twistin_wood said:


> We are seeing a concealer but it seams we don't hit on problems as much as we should.


Why not? What's the purpose of going?


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## wiigirl (Jun 14, 2012)

ScarletBegonias said:


> 2am chat?no way would i stand for that.if she is feeling so chatty she needs to chat with HER HUSBAND instead of some random dude on Wh*reBook oops i mean FB.
> 
> that's not being jealous,that's setting boundaries and keeping your marriage safe from the outside world.


 :iagree:








_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ubercoolpanda (Sep 11, 2012)

Twistin wood ~ 

Your wife is definitely having an EA with this guy, nobody stays awake until 2am to talk to just "a friend." 

Who is this guy btw? You need to find out who he is now and stop this becoming a PA. 
Tell your wife this needs to stop now. 

If she cannot talk to that man on the computer in front of you then she has something to hide.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Latigo (Apr 27, 2011)

thunderstruck said:


> A few years ago my W discovered FB, and it didn't take long for her to connect with an old male friend. Fast forward a few weeks, and she's up past midnight chatting. My gut started burning. While I sat around with my thumb up my azz for a month or so, the guy's W saw something she didn't like, and shut down their little chats. As far as I know, they cut all contact.
> 
> So...yeah...sit around with your thumb up your azz like I did, and pray that someone else comes in to do the heavy lifting, or shut down this BS yourself.


 THIS!!! This post should come up everytime someone brings up FB of OS friends on TAM! When my wife started chatting with guys (some of them old college "friends"), I started to get that old gut twisting feeling too. I figured I had two choices, 1)Try to ignore it an hope it would go away, or 2)Be a d-ck and put a stop to it all! Guess which option I chose? I will never know what would have happened if I hadn't done what I did. I regret not doing it sooner :scratchhead:


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## oddball (Sep 5, 2012)

My wife has just had to go No Contact after i found messages between her and an old friend that became sexual. I knew it was going to happen. She was sending him goodnight messages while in bed next to me. She insisted he was just a friend. I warned her it was going to go south. I asked to see what they were writing to each other. She got really defensive. Eventually I looged into her facebook, and she had invited him to do "anything and everything to her"

Its over now. She is really having a hard time understanding how she ended up doing this. It did start out as friendship. But she admits now it went on to being an EA.

So stop this now. Demand to see what they are writing. If she refuses, you know its an EA. Otherwise put a key logger on and start monitoring.

This is not going to end well if you do nothing


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