# Someone please tell me I'm not going crazy and this is not normal



## Whatmorecanido (Jul 7, 2014)

Let's start with the basics I've been married for close to 15 years my wife and I got married fairly young 18 years old respectively, from the beginning things were okay however early on into the marriage I suspected her of cheating as she was constantly secretive about emails and that sort of thing as well as text messages that would come in nonstop from a coworker.

I confronted the situation head-on as I'm very levelheaded and each and every time I addressed it she blew upon my face and threatened to leave I more or less dealt with it because we just had a baby I want to do what I could to keep the family together so I sucked up and took it. 

She does not clean at all, the house was a mess so I would have to clean it and still do, the kids have never had a consequence as she feels that children should be able to just have fun. She does have a son from another relationship that is not common for us, who is been a handful from the beginning, but when I married her I excepted her as well as any baggage she had wholeheartedly. Fast forward with the last few years and once again the majority of her friends are male and although 

I feel very uncomfortable in which she conducts herself around them such as dancing very close with them hugging them is if they were in a relationship themselves secretly talking to them online each time I bring it up she blows up again and says I'm being paranoid, now on top of all this our noncommon son has started using drugs and has been arrested several times, as a result of his drug habit he also steals from me, to the tune of thousands of dollars as well as material items. 

My wife confronted him the other day as we've caught him stealing from us numerous times and he got very angry and said that I need to leave, and proceeded to call me every Profane name in the book, my wife's response was it will be okay son will work through this, I asked her once again, after attempting to reprimand him myself are you going to let your son talk to me this way, her response was yes. Moving past that our youngest daughter is allowed to have boys older than her, as they grope each other on the couch. 

Since everything I have done has fallen upon deaf ears in terms of reprimand I've just begun going to my room very early at night, especially my living arrangement sucks, within the last couple of years my wife has taken on a 14-year-old mentality of her own where she will actually giggle with my youngest daughter on the couch tickling each other or just talk about things that only teenagers with talk about, sometimes very questionable things is the best way to put it in again something that you would never expect a mother to talking to the daughter about, and believe me this is way beyond the cool mother routine. 

It's to the point where we were having tax troubles and my youngest daughter who is 13 began to talk to her about it and they were holding a full on conversation talking about my taxes and her taxes, and my wife was actually talking to her as if she was an adult friend saying stuff like i wish these stupid taxes didn't exist, or i'll send the irs a cookie and maybe that will keep quiet for a little while, and then they would both giggle it's insane bizarre best.

a little about our sex life and I want to stay as propers possible but the only position that exist is missionary she would do nothing else to me in bed and unless it's initiated we do not do it, on top of that once again there's a lot of giggling before we do it as if she's 14 years old which is why I just stop doing it because it's almost weird even attempt doing it because it feel not right.

just to clear the air also sometime back I was a former model so by all means I'm considered an 8 and physically very well in shape , my wife has been considered a three at best and ask he had people ask how we really married because we were resemble the odd couple , can someone give me some insight here not sure what to do


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Please edit your post and add some paragraphs. A wall of text is hard to read. So if you want a lot of input you need to make it easier to read.


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## ariel_angel77 (May 23, 2014)

Get a marriage and family therapist right away. There are some serious issues going on with your family that need to be handled by a professional.

And also, WTF, you are letting eighteen year old boys grope your THIRTEEN year old daughter in your living room??? THIRTEEN????? Are you serious? Um, KICK his butt right out of your house! And I mean physically! IF you are letting her grope him in your living room in front of you, then they are for sure having sex, and it’s YOUR fault for letting her!!! Like, how someone can have such low regard for their child is beyond me. Keep up this route and she will be pregnant soon. When I was 13 I wasn’t even allowed to have boys over!! My momma never let me do anything with a boy in her house (I do mean ANYTHING) until I was MARRIED. She looked out for me. How the freak are you not looking out for your thirteen year old who is not old enough to look out for herself? I don’t mean to get harsh on you, but this is a serious situation that you are letting go on. END IT NOW before serious consequences arise (although they have already begun). 

As for your stepson stealing your money, press charges if he is an adult and if not, TAKE AWAY ACCESS to your money. I have no clue how he was able to have access to thousands of dollars of your money, but apparently you have been trusting someone too much with it.

Sounds like you’re just rolling over and taking it and letting everyone run wild in your house. This is one of the most dysfunctional situations I’ve heard of and it is MOST DEFINITELY not normal and it will continue until you take control of the situation. Your family has NO respect for you whatsoever and they never will until you demand it. You say your wife acts like a child, sounds like she IS a child. No one is being an adult in this situation. This was terribly sad for me to read. I am in tremendous fear and concern for your daughter.

I have nothing left to say except :wtf:


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

EleGirl said:


> Please edit your post and add some paragraphs. A wall of text is hard to read. So if you want a lot of input you need to make it easier to read.


:iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree:


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## Whatmorecanido (Jul 7, 2014)

Thank you for replying, I indeed know it is absolutely bizarre, most friends I have had are absolutely blown away and have essentially removed themselves from the my venting on them of the situation.

With regard to my stepson stealing money, I am in the advertising industry, so at times I would keep money on hand for miscellaneous things, and it would generally be stolen on the middle of the night, in our room while sleeping, he has admitted to it, because my wife has never given him a consequence, although he is facing incarceration in the near future. I attempted on numerous occasions to circumvent the situation, but my wife had basically referred to him as struggling addict. 1 direct instance is cameras I had installed caught him stealing some items in our room, when confronted he stated that he did not do it, when I showed him the video, he stated that doesn't prove nothing, he has stated to the court he will not stop doing drugs regardless of the consequences. I have a safe but that can only hold so much. 

With regard to my daughter, my wife will actually sit there while these friends are over and just act like one of the girls,additionally, because of the lack of parenting, my daughter is 100 percent non independent, believe me when I say this I have tried to rectify and discipline, but when a 13 year old knows they can go to mom/friend and do what they want, it will only backfire on you.


With regard to the sex life as mentioned, it does exist but very minimal and only her way,which is missionary, and she generally wants a minimum of 10 minuets of foreplay, which is me getting her worked up, and not the other way around. She refuse anything to me with regard to oral, kissing etc. Strictly 1 position.


Last but not least, I was as mentioned a former model, so I have had my share of women, we got involved merely because thee seemed to be a connection and I am by no means a vain person, and I look at a woman's inner beauty substantially more than the outer beauty. I've been with 10s and I've been with 2's, I believe everyone brings something to the table.

With all this being said, we have tried counseling and she simply storms out, and and I've tried talking to no avail, is it a lost cause???


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Whatmorecanido said:


> Let's start with the basics I've been married for close to 15 years my wife and I got married fairly young 18 years old respectively, from the beginning things were okay however early on into the marriage I suspected her of cheating as she was constantly secretive about emails and that sort of thing as well as text messages that would come in nonstop from a coworker, I confronted the situation head-on as I'm very levelheaded and each and every time I addressed it she blew upon my face and threatened to leave I more or less dealt with it because we just had a baby I want to do what I could to keep the family together so I sucked up and took it.


You have allowed this to continue. There are ways that you can find out if your wife is cheating. Even the behavior you describe here is unacceptable but you allow it. You have taught your wife that it’s ok for her to treat you this way.

You need to grow a backbone. Please get into counseling NOW. This way maybe you can learn to stand up and set real boundaries in your household and relationship.


Whatmorecanido said:


> She does not clean at all, the house was a mess so I would have to clean it and still do,


How many hours a week do each of you work?
What % of the joint income do each of you earn?

Have you considered hiring someone to do the major part of the housework? Then you can both relax.



Whatmorecanido said:


> the kids have never had a consequence as she feels that children should be able to just have fun. She does have a son from another relationship that is not common for us, who is been a handful from the beginning, but when I married her I excepted her as well as any baggage she had wholeheartedly. Fast forward with the last few years and once again the majority of her friends are male and although I feel very uncomfortable in which she conducts herself around them such as dancing very close with them hugging them is if they were in a relationship themselves secretly talking to them online each time I bring it up she blows up again and says I'm being paranoid,


You have allowed this for years. So what are you going to do now? You need to let her know that you will not stay with her if she continues this. If she’s cheating you really need to divorce her. She has no respect for you since you have allowed her to walk all over you.


Whatmorecanido said:


> now on top of all this our noncommon son has started using drugs and has been arrested several times, as a result of his drug habit he also steals from me, to the tune of thousands of dollars as well as material items.


How exactly does a kid this his hands on thousands of dollars? Do you have thousands just sitting around the house?



Whatmorecanido said:


> My wife confronted him the other day as we've caught him stealing from us numerous times and he got very angry and said that I need to leave, and proceeded to call me every Profane name in the book, my wife's response was it will be okay son will work through this, I asked her once again, after attempting to reprimand him myself are you going to let your son talk to me this way, her response was yes.


Is his bio dad in the picture? Or are you the only father he knows? Your mistake is that you asked her to not allow him to talk to you that way. That’s not what you do. You do not allow him to talk to you that way. You call the police and have is butt arrested for stealing from you. YOU teach him that he will respect you because you are not going to put up with his nonsense. 



Whatmorecanido said:


> Moving past that our youngest daughter is allowed to have boys over 5 years older than her, as they grope each other on the couch. Since everything I have done has fallen upon deaf ears in terms of reprimand I've just begun going to my room very early at night, especially my living arrangement sucks,


So you walk off and let an older boy sexually molest you daughter? You even let him do it right in front of you? Why don’t you protect your daughter?

What I would do is to tell the guy that I am calling 911 and telling them that an older guy is molesting my daughter in my house. Then if he does not leave I’d call 911. I might even have my shotgun handy.

This carp is happening in your home because YOU allow it.



Whatmorecanido said:


> within the last couple of years my wife has taken on a 14-year-old mentality of her own where she will actually giggle with my youngest daughter on the couch tickly each other or just talk about things that only teenagers with talk about, sometimes very questionable things is the best way to put it in again something that you would never expect a mother to talking to the daughter about, and believe me this is way beyond the call mother routine.


You do not say what they are talking about that is so questionable so I cannot comment on it.

But there is nothing wrong with a mother talking and giggling with her kids no matter how old she and/or the kids are.



Whatmorecanido said:


> It's to the point where we were having tax troubles and my youngest daughter who is 13 began to talk to her about it and they were holding a full on conversation talking about my taxes and her taxes, and my wife was actually talking or is it it was an adult friend saying stuff like i wish these stupid taxes didn't exist, or i'll send the irs a cookie and maybe that will keep quiet for a little while, and then they would both giggle it's insane bizarre best,


There is nothing wrong with your wife and your daughter making jokes about the IRS an laughing. You need to pick your battles better.



Whatmorecanido said:


> a little better sex life and I want to stay as propers possible but the only position that exist is missionary she would do nothing else to me in bed and unless it's initiated we do not do it, on top of that once again there's a lot of giggling before we do it as if she's 14 years old which is why I just stop doing it because it's almost weird even attempt doing it because it feel not right,


Nothing wrong with your wife giggling and having some fun with sex. If you make her feel like her approach to sex is not acceptable she’s going to pull back.. which she has done.

How often do the two of you have sex? If it’s been a while.. how long?

The lack of sex is a symptom of a very broken relationship. 


Whatmorecanido said:


> just to clear the air also sometime back I was a former model so by all means I'm considered an 8 and physically very well in shape , my wife has been considered a three at best and ask he had people ask how we really married because we were resemble the odd couple , can someone give me some insight here not sure what to do


So you married a woman who you don’t like, who is not good enough for you and who are you are not attracted to. And then you wonder why she disrespects you?


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

File for divorce and press hard for full custody of your daughter.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Whatmorecanido said:


> Thank you for replying, I indeed know it is absolutely bizarre, most friends I have had are absolutely blown away and have essentially removed themselves from the my venting on them of the situation.


I can see why. You need to get into counseling. Your friends cannot help you with how to move heaven and earth, and how to change yourself, your wife and fix your marriage.



Whatmorecanido said:


> With regard to my stepson stealing money, I am in the advertising industry, so at times I would keep money on hand for miscellaneous things, and it would generally be stolen on the middle of the night, in our room while sleeping,


Have you ever heard of safes? Money can be kept in an account with w/d as needed with an ATM card.

I had two troubled step kids who I figured out were stealing from me. So I kept all cash I hand in the house on my body, usually in a fanny pack. I also had a cabinet and a safe that locked. After the first theft you could have prevented him from having access to any further cash. The same goes for material items. There are locks that we use to keep thieves out.



Whatmorecanido said:


> he has admitted to it, because my wife has never given him a consequence, although he is facing incarceration in the near future.


You seem to need to blame things on your wife. You could have prevented most of the thefts. Instead you left the money where he could get it. Then you can bad mouth your wife for not giving him consequences. I’m not saying it’s ok that she did not give them consequences. I’m saying that there were things that you could have done to keep him away from anything he could steal.





Whatmorecanido said:


> I attempted on numerous occasions to circumvent the situation, but my wife had basically referred to him as struggling addict. 1 direct instance is cameras I had installed caught him stealing some items in our room, when confronted he stated that he did not do it, when I showed him the video, he stated that doesn't prove nothing,


Since you knew he was stealing, why did you leave things out where he could get to them?


Whatmorecanido said:


> he has stated to the court he will not stop doing drugs regardless of the consequences.


Typical drug addict.


Whatmorecanido said:


> I have a safe but that can only hold so much.


Really? You had so much cash on hand that it did not fit in a safe? What about getting cabinets with locks? Putting locks on a room?




Whatmorecanido said:


> With regard to my daughter, my wife will actually sit there while these friends are over and just act like one of the girls, additionally, because of the lack of parenting, my daughter is 100 percent non independent, believe me when I say this I have tried to rectify and discipline, but when a 13 year old knows they can go to mom/friend and do what they want, it will only backfire on you.


If you mean that her mom is on the couch when the guy is man handling your daughter, why not use that camera for something good and get on the camera that your wife is enabling the sexual molestation of your daughter? The police will do something with that.



Whatmorecanido said:


> With regard to the sex life as mentioned, it does exist but very minimal and only her way, which is missionary, and she generally wants a minimum of 10 minuets of foreplay, which is me getting her worked up, and not the other way around. She refuse anything to me with regard to oral, kissing etc. Strictly 1 position.


10 minutes of foreplay is more than reasonable. But like I said earlier the sex problems are just a symptom of the major problems in the marriage. Until the marriage is fixed the sex will be what it is. And I don’t think you can fix this. Divorce is your best bet.



Whatmorecanido said:


> Last but not least, I was as mentioned a former model, so I have had my share of women, we got involved merely because thee seemed to be a connection and I am by no means a vain person, and I look at a woman's inner beauty substantially more than the outer beauty. I've been with 10s and I've been with 2's, I believe everyone brings something to the table.


I don’t even know what to think about this paragraph. If I were your wife and knew that you talked about me like this, I’d dump you.



Whatmorecanido said:


> With all this being said, we have tried counseling and she simply storms out, and and I've tried talking to no avail, is it a lost cause???


YOu need counseling for yourself right now. Forget her right now. You need to work on yourself and how you interact with her. And you need to start being a father and protect your daughter.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

GusPolinski said:


> File for divorce and press hard for full custody of your daughter.


He needs evidence of the wife going along with the older guy with his daughter. 

His daughter is too aligned with her mother in this. So he needs to be able to prove that the mother is allowing the older guy sexual access to the daughter.


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## bravenewworld (Mar 24, 2013)

This is insane. Forget the crappy marriage part - How can you allow these guys to manhandle your daughter?!

This entire environment sounds toxic. Frankly I'm not sure either one of you should have custody. If my Dad saw that happening when I was 13, the next sound those men would have heard would have been him ratcheting his shotgun.


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## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

Whatmorecanido said:


> She does have a son from another relationship that is not common for us, who is been a handful from the beginning, but when I married her I excepted her as well as any baggage she had wholeheartedly.


 Although your wife's son has lived with you for 15 years starting from when he was a tiny baby, you have never in your posts referred to him as your son, and instead even refer to him here as "baggage". It is no wonder that you have no relationship with him and why he does not respect you.

Your wife has had inappropriate relationship with other men from the beginning of your marriage, and when you get up the courage to question this, she yells at you and you run off and hide in your room to avoid confronting what is going on. No one in your household has any respect for you. That is the real problem here. You need to address this, even if it means that you will end your marraige and start over with someone else that has not become so use to disrespecting you that it is almost a habit.


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## Theseus (Feb 22, 2013)

I don't have much to add to what others have said except you should consider DNA testing your daughter to make sure she is yours.


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## KathyBatesel (Apr 26, 2012)

Whatmorecanido said:


> Thank you for replying, I indeed know it is absolutely bizarre, most friends I have had are absolutely blown away and have essentially removed themselves from the my venting on them of the situation.
> 
> With regard to my stepson stealing money, I am in the advertising industry, so at times I would keep money on hand for miscellaneous things, and it would generally be stolen on the middle of the night, in our room while sleeping, he has admitted to it, because my wife has never given him a consequence, although he is facing incarceration in the near future. I attempted on numerous occasions to circumvent the situation, but my wife had basically referred to him as struggling addict. 1 direct instance is cameras I had installed caught him stealing some items in our room, when confronted he stated that he did not do it, when I showed him the video, he stated that doesn't prove nothing, he has stated to the court he will not stop doing drugs regardless of the consequences. I have a safe but that can only hold so much.
> 
> ...


Yes, it's a lost cause. Your wife is using you to further her own desires - which is to have the benefits of being a mom but not the responsibilities. 

She isn't putting your best interests at the top of her list. She'll let your money benefit her son, daughter, herself. She'll let you be the sad sap who gets mistreated and when you try to ask that she reciprocate, she'll treat you worse yet. 

Why do you put up with this?


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## Emerald (Aug 2, 2012)

Stop asking your wife to "handle" your Stepson. If he's stealing from you & disrespecting you in your own home & is 18 yrs. old, then kick him out.

As for your 13 yr. old daughter, quit blaming your wife for "letting" guys grope her on the couch. Take charge of the situation yourself as the Father. No excuses.

You both married too young & had children too young. It happens. So now years later you have a messy house, lousy sex life, out of control children, a wife who behaves inappropriately with other men, an 8 married to a 3 (seriously?), a wife who storms out of counseling, a miserable husband, etc.

I'm not sure what kind of advice you are looking for. Maybe talk to a lawyer about divorce.


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## KathyBatesel (Apr 26, 2012)

Emerald said:


> I'm not sure what kind of advice you are looking for.


It just occurred to me. I think he's seeking permission to act like a man because she sure as heck isn't giving him permission to be.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

KathyBatesel said:


> It just occurred to me. I think he's seeking permission to act like a man because she sure as heck isn't giving him permission to be.


Why would he need permission? He's a man, he can act like one as soon as he decides that's what he wants to do.


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## Duguesclin (Jan 18, 2014)

OP, you need some serious work. Before focusing on what your wife, son and daughter are doing, you should fix yourself.

You should have said, "Please tell me I'm not normal and this is going crazy"!


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## Revamped (Jun 19, 2014)

This is a double post.

Is there a way to consolidate both posts to get all the responses he got the first time?


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