# Re: Brother making things worse



## Malibu17 (Nov 30, 2007)

*Re: Brother making things worse*

Those of you who have read my posts from the previous several months know my background. After nearly 14 months of separation I am ready to file for a divorce and my wife is expecting it. We have already been over the Parenting plan and Marital Dissolution agreement. It only needs to be filed.

Unfortunately, my brother who is my business partner is really giving me a hard time, especially today about filing. He's looking at it from a religious perspective (because he says, even though he doesn't know everything), that I don't have biblical grounds to file, even though my wife was unfaithful to me years ago (not necessarily adultery per se). He says she needs to be the one to file, but she won't because she refuses too. At the same time, she also won't help improve our relationship so we can have a successful reconciliation. 

The bottom line; it's very complicated and both of us are to blame for the damage/failure of our relationship, therefore, I'm ready to file and move on, but my brother is giving me grief over it...even though it's my decision.

Have any of you had issues with friends/family; the results of which, either got you back together, or drove you to want to divorce your spouse even more...as it's doing with me?


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## KMDillon (Apr 13, 2009)

*Re: Brother making things worse*

Why does she refuse to file? Hoping for a better end of the deal in the divorce or is she holding onto some hope?


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

*Re: Brother making things worse*

Refusal to go to counseling or to try to save the marriage, on her part, is the equivalent of abandonment, usually a valid grounds for divorce in Christian communities (historically). Try that on him. Then, IGNORE HIM. You are an adult, and sometimes that means telling other people they are getting into business that is NOT THEIR OWN, as he is doing. Refuse to have any conversations with him about it; walk away, whatever it takes, for him to get the message. Repeat and repeat to him, "This is my business, not yours, and I make my own decisions." Be calm but firm. He needs to learn about boundaries!

You sound like you are in a good place with what is happening--as good as can be, of course. Reach inside yourself for that maturity in dealing with your brother, and you will be happier. He is completely off base in his interference.


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## Malibu17 (Nov 30, 2007)

*Re: Brother making things worse*

She says she refuses to file, because she doesn't want the divorce...but at the same time she hasn't (for the past 14 months) done much to improve the relationship, so we could have a successful reconciliation. I have been the one doing most of the reaching out to her to try to reconcile. The issues are still there and haven't been resolved so it's time to move on...it is what it is..


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## Malibu17 (Nov 30, 2007)

*Re: Brother making things worse*

We've been through alot of counseling in the past, but a year later (after much counseling), our relationship crashed and I moved out, because my wife kept discussing a legal separation. I didn't move back home, because I recognized that unless the issues were resolved, I'd end up moving out again...and I didn't want to start the pain all over.

I agree, I'll certainly tell my brother to mind his own business. I actually walked away from him yesterday, when he was in the middle of berating me, for filing for the divorce. I've had enough of his input...and no more!


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## JDPreacher (Feb 27, 2009)

*Re: Brother making things worse*

Addiction, adultery or abuse, any of the three are grounds for either the man or woman to file for divorce...and it's often universal among most religions...

Blessed Be,
Preacher


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## KMDillon (Apr 13, 2009)

*Re: Brother making things worse*

I thought maybe your brothers opinion bothered you so much because you too thought maybe you shouldn't file. But it seems like you've already fought long and hard for a change that won't happen.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

*Re: Brother making things worse*

I haven't had anyone working on my behalf or my spouse's to save our marriage. However, I sense some of his family members have been encouraging a divorce. I can certainly feel your frustration. It isn't easy when only one partner goes to counseling and is committed to saving the marriage. It is down right exhausting! I am a Christian who attends church regularly; I tend to agree with JD preacher. My case is much simpler from a religious stand point. My spouse committed adultry and wouldn't go to counseling for the purpose of marriage reconciliation. So, my lawyer told me to do two things. First, tell the huband to move back in the house. Second, tell him to go to marriage counseling. If he refused to do BOTH, then my attorney said it was time to file for divorce. And that's where I am. I really see the wisdom in what my attorney said. Perhaps that will help you also. Maybe your brother should go to counseling, since he is the one with a problem.lol


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