# My situation



## tc6872blue (Jan 18, 2010)

Hello everyone. I'm new and like many others have come to the reality that my family will be changed forever here very soon. Yesterday was probably the hardest day for me since my wife and I had to start talking about the details of what we were going to do. For starters I will be keeping the house ( I feel very lucky for that ) and she will be searching for her own place. Things were okay until some financial details were discussed and I turned into a huge a**. For some reason when we talk about the divorce I become so mad and hurt. I just don't get how I can say some of the meanest things to a person I love very much. What hurts the most is not being able to see my 2 year old son everyday. I also truly do not want this, but she feels there is no other way. I also hate the fact of letting go someone I truly love and care for, but I have to realize I can't control that. What does make me feel better is knowing that so many other people are dealing with the same thing and as mentioned will get easier. It's just hard to let go someone I have shared so much with in the past 8 years. The diagnosis of my wife's MS, birth of our son, and the start of what I thought to be a wonderful life. I know my life is not over, but it's just so hard to think about starting over again.

In looking back I do see now some of the mistakes we each made along the way. What bothers me the most is how it feels like I am the one who is being blamed for things going south. I will take some of the blame, but I do feel it works both ways. It just seems that so many stories I read that one person feels there is no hope and wants to quit, while the other party still feels there is hope. I just wonder if she will ever realize how great is was before.

I have read some wonderful things from this site and truly do hope it will help me in my time of need. It's sad that I have no motivation to do anything and even work is a major challenge. All in time right?


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## Notaclue (Jan 1, 2010)

Sorry blue welcome to the site. I am going thru the same thing, so I know what you are feeling. The best thing is to keep posting and seeking advice here. The people on this board have a lot of empathy and understanding. They will share their trials and tribulations and help you as much as they can.


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## jessi (Feb 11, 2009)

just take it little step at a time. It's all overwhelming I know, a lot of us here are in the same boat, I feel like my whole world is being ripped from under me at time..sometimes being away from the marriage and having a little breathing time makes you think more clearly, maybe that will happen for the both of you and your decisions will make more sense......
Just try doing things for you, exercise, go out with family, friends, keep busy.......
You can't control what she feels and thinks but you can control what you do and how you conduct yourself, be the best you can be.......
good luck and post here when you need to get the anger, hurt out......that's what we all do......


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## tc6872blue (Jan 18, 2010)

Thank you both for all the kind words and appreciate the ideas of keeping busy because I know myself all to well. Already I have started the second guessing myself and wondering if I had paid attention to the warning signs if the outcome would be the same. I believe that's what bothers me the most. 

Today will be the start of things to come. We have an appointment to meet with a lawyer later today, so I'm a little nervous about what to expect.


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## Notaclue (Jan 1, 2010)

Blue I also second guess what I did or what I could have done better. In fact, I can't sleep thinking of those types of things. 

I think my W is just as much at fault on some things, yet she isn't second guessing anything. She sure sleeps well at night !

I think it's just natural to be in that mode, but we have to learn to pull out of it at some point. 

I don't have any advice on the lawyers at this point, I only had one visit. I don't like them as they only look at this whole thing as a way to make lots of money off of people's misery. Just my two cents....


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## Alexandra (Jan 9, 2010)

Lawyers... it's really too bad that we need them in our world! 

It's natural to second guess things and replay the relationship over and over. Concentrate though on what you CAN change, your own tendencies and behaviors that contributed to this. 

Don't discount the fact that this separation (as painful as it is) may help both of you. Your marriage, or at the very least your relationship, may come around. It's happened before. 

For now concentrate on yourself and your son.


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