# Advice?



## RobertWhitelaw301 (May 12, 2016)

Going into my third year of marriage with my wife, and it has been a rocky road so far. We've had several family members get sick, my father move in with us, and I just started a career as a Law Enforcement Officer. These are all stressors, but our biggest issue is that she has wanted a baby since we first got married and I had her waiting because I couldn't tell her I wasn't ready. She started working at a good job and now I've told her I want to have children, and for her to stay home ( her staying home was her idea) and she is furious and says I keep ignoring her wants and needs. I admit I'm not a good listener, and think too rationally at times, how do I show my wife I mean what I say in this area, and that we can make it work together? regain her trust so she will follow me down this path I want so bad with her but fear I may never get to go down because she is so angry with me. I appreciate any help, I know I sound pathetic and like an ***hole I'm just desperate at this point.


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## Anonymous07 (Aug 4, 2012)

You need to sit down with her after dinner and talk about it all. When does she want to start trying for a family? Does she want to stay home or go back to work(she may want to stay at her new job)? How will you budget it all and come up with a budget that works for your family. Really sit there and listen to what she says, using "active listening"(look it up) to make sure she feels heard. Don't interrupt her and ask her opinion on different things.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Please don't bring children into a "rocky" marriage. Wait until things are right with you both. Are you having regular sex? Are you enjoying one another's company? Are you both feeling totally bonded to the other, and hopeful of many years together in the future?

Your wife finally has a good job and is enjoying it, and you suddenly want her to stay home with the kids on a police officer's salary? That's crazy, in my opinion.

You have got to stop thinking of yourself and think about both of your feelings, hopes, and wishes. She's a woman. You don't have to worry about children. If she wants them like most do, she'll get them. Be patient!!!!!!!

Definitely have a talk and listen. Good advice from previous poster. Listen. DOn't fix, don't explain. LISTEN. The less you talk, the more she will. That's a good thing.

Oh, and DAD moving in with you? That's not likely a good idea for long term. Not good AT ALL. She will get resentful. ALmost a guarantee.
Good luck!


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## Lilac23 (Jul 9, 2015)

Why do you want to have children now? Is it because she has some independence now or do you really want to be a father?


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## Annette Tush (May 4, 2016)

Evinrude58 said:


> Please don't bring children into a "rocky" marriage. Wait until things are right with you both. Are you having regular sex? Are you enjoying one another's company? Are you both feeling totally bonded to the other, and hopeful of many years together in the future?
> 
> Your wife finally has a good job and is enjoying it, and you suddenly want her to stay home with the kids on a police officer's salary? That's crazy, in my opinion.
> 
> ...


Very well put! She is an adult, who needs to have a say in what she wants. Can you imagine her telling you to quit your job and raise your kids against your wish? It seems you want her to operate on your terms and clock and this seems unfair to me


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## WhyMe66 (Mar 25, 2016)

RobertWhitelaw301 said:


> Going into my third year of marriage with my wife, and it has been a rocky road so far. We've had several family members get sick, my father move in with us, and I just started a career as a Law Enforcement Officer. These are all stressors, but our biggest issue is that she has wanted a baby since we first got married and I had her waiting because I couldn't tell her I wasn't ready. She started working at a good job and now I've told her I want to have children, and for her to stay home ( her staying home was her idea) and she is furious and says I keep ignoring her wants and needs. I admit I'm not a good listener, and think too rationally at times, how do I show my wife I mean what I say in this area, and that we can make it work together? regain her trust so she will follow me down this path I want so bad with her but fear I may never get to go down because she is so angry with me. I appreciate any help, I know I sound pathetic and like an ***hole I'm just desperate at this point.


Try going to a marriage counselor. Having a third party helping the both of you express your thoughts, helping you to say what you want to say, can help a great deal in communicating. You know WHAT you want to say, the counselor can help you with the HOW to say it. And the counselor can help both of you understand what each other is saying. You may both be expressing pretty much the same idea but are using different words and getting to cross purposes and understandings.


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## WhyMe66 (Mar 25, 2016)

Evinrude58 said:


> Your wife finally has a good job and is enjoying it, and you suddenly want her to stay home with the kids on a police officer's salary? That's crazy, in my opinion.


Actually many agencies pay quite well... Also, the SAHM was her idea, as were the children-according to the OP. Why is there such an emphasis on sex? Seems to me that our porn addled society is putting the emphasis on the wrong things... But I agree with most everything else you posted. Bonding, etc.


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## Froggi2 (Mar 29, 2016)

RobertWhitelaw301 said:


> Going into my third year of marriage with my wife, and it has been a rocky road so far. We've had several family members get sick, my father move in with us, and I just started a career as a Law Enforcement Officer. These are all stressors, but our biggest issue is that she has wanted a baby since we first got married and I had her waiting because I couldn't tell her I wasn't ready. She started working at a good job and now I've told her I want to have children, and for her to stay home ( her staying home was her idea) and she is furious and says I keep ignoring her wants and needs. I admit I'm not a good listener, and think too rationally at times, how do I show my wife I mean what I say in this area, and that we can make it work together? regain her trust so she will follow me down this path I want so bad with her but fear I may never get to go down because she is so angry with me. I appreciate any help, I know I sound pathetic and like an ***hole I'm just desperate at this point.


Why would your dad HAVE to move in with you? Maybe she thinks you are wanting her to have kids and take care of him?


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