# Threesome advice



## CuriousGuy751 (Jun 30, 2011)

My wife and I are interested in having a threesome with another girl. How do we find someone that would be willing to participate? Not sure we want to deal with websites, but that might be the only way.

I am not looking to be judged here, so please don't post unless you have ideas or experience with a three-way.


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## Prometheus Pyrphoros (Jun 16, 2011)

Websites and some clubs are the only option I believe. Don't know what kind of a relationship you guys have in marriage now, but seriously, please, do consider possible impacts on your life. And again, and again. Will this one time be enough? What next?

Sex with two women can (and will) be an earth shattering experience, but probably not the one to have in a marriage.

There you go, the judgment and nag you explicitly did not want.


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## Prometheus Pyrphoros (Jun 16, 2011)

Okay, some screening in progress I see, okay....

When you're done, please let us know more on your situation and how this topic came up.
Regards.


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## CuriousGuy751 (Jun 30, 2011)

My wife and I used to fantasize about women that we would see while we were out. It started when we went to Vegas while we were still dating. When we would have sex we would each tell stories about the girl that we just saw. We called it a virtual threesome. 
She is attracted to women and is open to the idea of taking it to the next level. We have talked about ground rules and expectations. Now we feel like it would be fun to give it a try.


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## Prometheus Pyrphoros (Jun 16, 2011)

Oh it will be fun, believe me. May I recommend that you first try with a professional helper? The one who will do what is instructed to and is compensated for her hard work. That way you can break the ice, try out your fantasy and be in total control of it. Then you can decide if you wish to proceed further with this and how - or not at all.


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## CuriousGuy751 (Jun 30, 2011)

Interesting thought. Where does one find a hard worker like that?


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## frustr8dhubby (Dec 23, 2010)

Back in Vegas there should have been plenty.  Or at least that the Bunny Ranch.


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

CuriousGuy751 said:


> Interesting thought. Where does one find a hard worker like that?


I know a guy named Vinnie.....


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## ClipClop (Apr 28, 2011)

Does this kind of discussion even belong on this site? Is this a hookup site or a pro marriage site?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

ClipClop said:


> Does this kind of discussion even belong on this site? Is this a hookup site or a pro marriage site?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


People have different definitions of marriage. While this certainly wouldn't be considered in my marriage, others might. And I wouldn't call this an anti-marriage thread, just different from mine and others views. As long as the thread is in line with forum rules the OP is welcome. If he were trying to actively recruit a third from the site, that would not be acceptable.


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## ClipClop (Apr 28, 2011)

Surely there is a better forum out there to get where to hookup advice. Just sayin.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Advice? Don't do it. That would be my advice. Polyamory is pretty far out there.


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## HurtinginTN (Feb 22, 2011)

OK. I'll bite. Male strip joint? I was "recruited" one night many years ago at a strip joint. My 2 friends and I were approached by a couple. Her fantasy came to life that night. It was quite interesting. That was well before the marriage.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Don't put bite and male strip joint together.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

I would say if you don't like the idea, then don't respond and ignore the thread. It doesn't need to affect you or your life.

There's been many threads in here and the other forums about things like this. As Amp says, it may not be your definition of a marriage, but there's quite a number of people in here that have tried it without blowing their marriage up (and even, heaven forbid, enjoyed it).

Really, it's no different to me than someone posting question about same-sex issues, or religious/sex issues. Neither of those are my cup of tea, so I just avoid reading the threads or making useless comments on them to judge their lifestyle. I save the useless comments for threads I'm interested in. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## HurtinginTN (Feb 22, 2011)

Runs like Dog said:


> Don't put bite and male strip joint together.


:rofl:

Looking back, I guess I should clarify. The strippers at the club I was recruited at were all female. The OP was looking for a female, so I suggested it may work at a male strip club.


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## GiltRemoved (Jul 19, 2011)

CuriousGuy751 said:


> My wife and I are interested in having a threesome with another girl. How do we find someone that would be willing to participate? Not sure we want to deal with websites, but that might be the only way.
> 
> I am not looking to be judged here, so please don't post unless you have ideas or experience with a three-way.


My best advice to you? Do _not_ under any circumstances go there in your relationship. I do have personal experience with this.

My husband and I brought another woman into our marriage and it has all but destroyed everything.

The woman was someone he knew from work. He brought her home to meet me and she seemed okay, although she was in a very bad situation at home with her mother (abuse, manipulation, etc.) and was the mother to a young child. I invited this woman to move in because I have a generalized care and concern for other human beings.

Everything just went downhill from there. She started to dictate where I could sleep, when my husband and I could have sex, where we could have sex, etc. I wasn't allowed to have a conversation with him without her in the room anymore. She would sit around literally ALL day either sleeping or on the internet browsing this one forum about motherhood while she left ME to care for her small child. She would literally lock him in another room and ignore him crying.

Meanwhile, my husband (when he wasn't at work) spent all his time talking to, having "relations" with, or spending time with her. I fell completely by the wayside. I'm talking severe emotional neglect.

I would try to talk to my husband about what a disaster this woman was turning our lives into. She even brought drugs into our house. He would "get rid of her" (tell her, far too nicely, to leave our house) then spend days moping about missing her until I finally gave in and let her come back. It became a vicious cycle of her leaving and coming back. 

After one of the last times she was told to leave, and then allowed back, I ended up leaving the house myself. I was told that if I was ever allowed back it was _at her discretion_. Like an idiot, I went back under those conditions because I missed my husband. But he treated me even worse than before. He wasn't even allowed to kiss me when she was around without her blowing up and throwing a tantrum.

I tried once again to talk to him and tell him what a serious issue she was causing. She was literally pulling me aside when he wasn't looking and telling me what a terrible person I was, how I didn't treat him right, etc. (Bear in mind, this is a man who has always tried to control every minute detail about my life, including what shoes I wear and how I'm "not girly enough," etc.) How he would be better off if I left, etc. I finally got through to him by leaving the state for a week. I was trying to make it clear, in no uncertain terms, that a three-way relationship with a controlling, sex-addicted, drug-addict was never going to work. 

Like an idiot (again), I came back under the condition he would no longer pursue a relationship with her, but they could stay friends. I wasn't aware "staying friends" meant going over to her house at 5 in the evening (because in the 9 years we've been together he's NEVER gone over to ANYONE'S house) after double work shifts, instead of coming home to spend time with me after work. (He'd been gone since 4 AM. Early work shift.)

I ended up leaving the state. But after about a month he started talking about missing me, etc. and wanting to get back together. So I said okay, but only if he cut off contact with this woman entirely. Which he did.

But now I'm finding out all kinds of things that happened in the month we were apart. While he and I were together, he ordered a custom wedding set for me. When we separated, he had the ring changed to her size and the stones she wanted. Even though he was still legally married to me. So now another woman is running around with a wedding set from him and he won't ask for it back or anything. I don't even feel right wearing a wedding band from him anymore.

Long story short, just _don't go there_. If there are _any_ existing problems, bringing in another person will only make them a thousand times worse. Take it from someone who has been there, don't subject yourself or the person you care about to this kind of situation. There's a reason, I've discovered, for the majority of married relationships being between two people. It's because it's hard enough to communicate and understand ONE person.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

GiltRemoved said:


> My best advice to you? Do _not_ under any circumstances go there in your relationship. I do have personal experience with this.
> 
> My husband and I brought another woman into our marriage and it has all but destroyed everything.
> 
> ...


No offense, but there's a world of difference between trying a threesome one time with a semi-random stranger and rolling over and allowing some else to take over your life. If my GF and I try a threesome, we wouldn't start by having someone move in with us, we'd start by meeting that person in a hotel room for a one time thing. I guess if we all enjoyed it, we might be in touch to set up another meeting. 

What you did was the equivalent of lighting your couch on fire to warm up because the room was too cold... Way overkill for the situation, and terribly distructive to the home. No offense intended, of course.

Edit to add: I would definitely agree that bringing in someone else sexually to "fix" a relationship seems much more likely to fracture it than fix it. But I don't have any personal experience with that.

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ClipClop (Apr 28, 2011)

You mean prostitute. Escort makes it sound better but it isn't. I wish men would stop trying to downplay the truth.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Lea2407 (Jul 14, 2011)

I don't see how calling someone an escort downplays anything. Of course, I also don't see the evilness of prostitutes, either. Now don't get me wrong, I do absolutely see a problem if the woman/man is underage or forced into the situation. Otherwise, what they choose to do with their bodies is their business. Most of the time, they're not the ones ruining marriages/relationships.

But how is agreeing to pay someone for sex (which boils down to qualifications of you do x and I'll do y) any different than any two (or more) people agreeing to have sex based on other qualifications (you take me out and we'll have sex). I'm not saying this is how it is when there are feelings involved, but if everyone is an adult and can make decisions for their self, what is the problem? 

I'm sure there are very few people who agree with me, but I don't believe strippers, porn stars, prostitutes, etc. should be judged for their own personal choices. The same way I don't think that anyone should be judged for what they do in their own marriage. If it makes you both happy (the key is both) then, I don't see the problem. Okay, I'm off my soapbox now.

As kind of a not funny but interesting side note, there's a couple that my husband knows that have made the choice to have threesomes with other women. A few of my husband's guy friends were talking about the situation and about how this is just the first step towards the couple getting divorced. They were just 100% sure that when you make this type of decision, your marriage is over. 

However, the couple having the threesomes is actually a stable couple and have been together and happy for several years. The guys that were talking about this, one of them just got out of a relationship where the girl was cheating on him and the other guy's wife just told him she wanted a divorce. So, people in glass houses and all that I guess.


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## alicew332 (Jul 20, 2011)

What you are looking for is called a golden unicorn. She is very, very hard to find. But she does exist. If you were lucky, she would have a girlfriend that sh e"joked" with about it. Lacking that, websites are your best bet. Don't even bother as a free member though. No one will take you seriously unless you pay.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

GiltRemoved said:


> Long story short, just _don't go there_. If there are _any_ existing problems, bringing in another person will only make them a thousand times worse. Take it from someone who has been there, don't subject yourself or the person you care about to this kind of situation. There's a reason, I've discovered, for the majority of married relationships being between two people. It's because it's hard enough to communicate and understand ONE person.


Indeed. A real life cautionary tale.

But it also shows what can happen when you allow other people to take control over your life. The good thing is that you finally 'grew a pair' - so to speak  - and said 'enough!' and that is when the insanity stopped.

I hope that you and your husband are going to MC (marriage counseling).

Good luck.


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## alicew332 (Jul 20, 2011)

GiltRemoved said:


> Everything just went downhill from there. She started to dictate where I could sleep,


.... And that has to do with a threesome, how? 

For us, the experience was very positive.


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