# What did you do to make your spouse cheat on you?



## russell28 (Apr 17, 2013)

You'll find lots of help on these forums to teach you exactly how to look deeply at what you did to make your spouse cheat on you. 

Welcome to the new cheating friendly TAM. We will help you justify your cheating and shift blame onto your spouse if you're a wayward spouse. If you've been betrayed, we'll let you know what you can do differently next time to make sure you don't make people cheat on you again.

If you're a BS, please share what you did to make your spouse cheat. I'll start.

I played a female character on Warcraft, my wife was jealous because she thought I was in love with her. I went bald, shaved my head and it looked good, but she likes hair. I wasn't the guy in work, that was flirting with her and making her feel good. I was boring, because she was with me for 32 years since we were 16. I never dressed up because I work from home I would wear shorts and a t-shirt instead of a suit and tie. 

I now only play male characters in video games.. I'm working on that. I also am trying to grow hair by talking nice to it.. hoping to stimulate it with positive talk. I'm trying to not be myself since she's bored with me, I'm trying to be other people.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Just wondering...

Why didn't you divorce?


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

left the toilet seat lid up one too many times


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## pidge70 (Jan 17, 2011)

GusPolinski said:


> Just wondering...
> 
> Why didn't you divorce?


I think quite a few people wonder that.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## workindad (May 7, 2011)

I didn't make enough money.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Max.HeadRoom (Jun 28, 2014)

Granted this was in 1993... I worked too much to take care of her and the house hold. In her words “You were neglecting me!” I was playing the part of the “Good Provide”. I still think about it every day even though she has been dead for 12 years now.


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## Q tip (Apr 15, 2014)

The question is wrong...

But the answer is 42


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

used up the milk and didn't leave a note


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## philglossop (Apr 22, 2013)

workindad said:


> I didn't make enough money.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I was working a boring 9 to 5 job which didn't fit in with his idea of partying.

Then I turned grumpy and miserable. It was root canal filling I needed which hurt like funk.

Fast forward, guess who works 9 to 5 and can't go partying anymore? And guess who works variable shifts which allows me time to socialise much more and have a better work life balance.

Be careful what you wish for.....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

took too much of my share of the sheets while sleeping


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Almostrecovered said:


> used up the milk and didn't leave a note


Don't lie... You drank from the carton, didn't you?


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## survivorwife (May 15, 2012)

Almostrecovered said:


> took too much of my share of the sheets while sleeping


:rofl: :lol: :rofl:

Your posts are cracking me up! Keep em coming, I could use a good laugh!


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

left the water running while brushing my teeth


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## PamJ (Mar 22, 2013)

Well, I know your's is tongue-in-cheek, but, if you listened to my H I didn't fawn over him enough. I wasn't thrilled when he came home (after complaining to me all day on the phone about how crappy his day was and how many things I did that he didn't like and then started yelling at my son right away for stuff when he didn't really know what happened).

In reality, he had become an unhappy person for reasons that had to do with himself, but, because I was the one here, it was my fault. Everything I said , in his mind, was a dig of some sort. Sex wasn't exciting or often enough even though he did nothing to make it better, obviously my fault again.

It was justification for looking for something new and different instead of working on things with me. The first time it happened years ago it was because we have very wealthy clients, multi-multi millionaires in some cases, and he realized he would never be one, I think. He also thought that everyone was having way more fun than he was. Must be my fault. 

Turns out even rich people don't have perfect lives, many are on the 2nd wives and the families suffer from their always working to get richer, or stay rich. I think he as better perspective these days.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

kept saying "Ahhh that's the stuff..." instead of "excuse me" after I farted


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

My meatloaf was better than his mother's.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

I bought Scott Toilet Paper instead of Charmin quilted


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## Blonde (Jan 7, 2013)

Married him. If I hadn't married him he wouldn't have cheated on *me.*


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## Q tip (Apr 15, 2014)

Squeezed the toothpaste from the middle instead of the end like all sane, normal people do.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

wore socks with sandals around the house


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

forgot to pick up a loaf of bread on the way home


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## Q tip (Apr 15, 2014)

Almostrecovered said:


> wore socks with sandals around the house


That's Grounds for anything. Cheating, groupsex, divorce, moving out, burning the house down, repainting the living room.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

You all were too beta to ride the dark tricycle. Start working on your golden ratios and everything will be fine.


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## Q tip (Apr 15, 2014)

Toast fell butter-side down


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

WorkingOnMe said:


> You all were too beta to ride the dark tricycle. Start working on your golden ratios and everything will be fine.


NOW you tell me it was supposed to be a DARK tricycle!


I got this instead


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

I didn't pretreat a coffee stain


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

I channel surf too often


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

My wife didn't blame me. In fact, she went out of her way to tell me that her affair was not my fault, that her affair was "just something she had to do."


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## convert (Oct 4, 2013)

MattMatt said:


> My wife didn't blame me. In fact, she went out of her way to tell me that her affair was not my fault, that her affair was "just something she had to do."


I do not know, but to me that seams worse....

then not having a reason/excuse even if it is a non valid one.

maybe it's just me

like there is nothing you could have done to prevent or stop it but I guess sometime even with reasons and excuses you can't stop it.


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## workindad (May 7, 2011)

Matt how long was your wife gone during her affair.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## murphy5 (May 1, 2014)

Almostrecovered said:


> kept saying "Ahhh that's the stuff..." instead of "excuse me" after I farted


if you fart, but you say "oops oops oops" right away, it is ok


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## Q tip (Apr 15, 2014)

Did the "pull my finger" trick too often. (But it worked every time)


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## Q tip (Apr 15, 2014)

Never asked for directions even though we were lost


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## Q tip (Apr 15, 2014)

PamJ said:


> Well, I know your's is tongue-in-cheek, but, if you listened to my H I didn't fawn over him enough. I wasn't thrilled when he came home (after complaining to me all day on the phone about how crappy his day was and how many things I did that he didn't like and then started yelling at my son right away for stuff when he didn't really know what happened).
> 
> In reality, he had become an unhappy person for reasons that had to do with himself, but, because I was the one here, it was my fault. Everything I said , in his mind, was a dig of some sort. Sex wasn't exciting or often enough even though he did nothing to make it better, obviously my fault again.
> 
> ...


Sounds like he needs a puppy. They'd always be happy to see him.


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## Welsh15 (Feb 24, 2014)

I obviously did not take my dog out for a walk enough....


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## hosea77 (Jan 14, 2014)

took 2 to 3 bites of a sandwich at once, instead of just 1 because I am used to eating fast as I worked my a$$ off to pay for everything she bought. 2 to 3 bites instead of 1 is "unattractive" to her (actual words).


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## Q tip (Apr 15, 2014)

I wonder-- if a marriage license had an expiration date on it with option to let it expire or renew, I wonder if a couple would work harder for the marriage.


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## Ripper (Apr 1, 2014)

Almostrecovered said:


> I bought Scott Toilet Paper instead of Charmin quilted


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## PamJ (Mar 22, 2013)

Q tip said:


> *Sounds like he needs a puppy.* They'd always be happy to see him.


We had one, it didn't help. We also had two young boys at home that would have loved to have more attention from him. I know he was tired from working, but so was I and I still took them to all their, school, scouts, sports things alone.

Maybe I should have had the affair....but that's not me.


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## Dad&Hubby (Aug 14, 2012)

russell28 said:


> You'll find lots of help on these forums to teach you exactly how to look deeply at what you did to make your spouse cheat on you.
> 
> Welcome to the new cheating friendly TAM. We will help you justify your cheating and shift blame onto your spouse if you're a wayward spouse. If you've been betrayed, we'll let you know what you can do differently next time to make sure you don't make people cheat on you again.
> 
> ...


I married her.

See if I hadn't married her, then she couldn't become a wayward wife.


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## Q tip (Apr 15, 2014)

PamJ said:


> We had one, it didn't help. We also had two young boys at home that would have loved to have more attention from him. I know he was tired from working, but so was I and I still took them to all their, school, scouts, sports things alone.
> 
> Maybe I should have had the affair....but that's not me.


You know what's good for so much work & too tired as result. Yep - getting to a health club and working out. I had no time and plenty of excuses, but went ahead and fit it in anyway. 

After a month or two, I felt much better, more energy and more ability to help out with everything else at home. Getting in shape, lose the extra pounds and building endurance to handle whatever comes along feels pretty good. I am even busier, but never too tired to chip in and get things done...!


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## SamuraiJack (May 30, 2014)

I forgot to change the catbox once...


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## russell28 (Apr 17, 2013)

GusPolinski said:


> Just wondering...
> 
> Why didn't you divorce?


I started to, after I booted her out and changed the locks.. she was gone for a couple months. I decided to R because she stopped telling me lies, and stopped the blame shifting and gas lighting. I couldn't R with a person that was going to continue to manipulate me. I have a long list of reasons why I chose to R. Pros out weight the cons. Basically she's showing signs of real remorse, not the fake kind that continues to shift blame for the betrayal onto the one that was betrayed, even if it's subtle and disguised as 'marriage problems'. She'll admit her talks were her creating her justifications and not giving me enough information to actually understand what her issues were. So I guess the fact that she's finally being honest with me, it seems refreshing.. the transparency, honesty and great sex.. and she's good looking, that's another reason. If she was ugly I'd dump her. 

Another 'reason' I was cheated on... I load the dishwasher the way it's supposed to be loaded, she wants me to do it backwards!!


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## Forest (Mar 29, 2014)

What I did that lead to all the trouble was mostly to impregnate her.

After childbirth, she turned into a depressed, short tempered, woman who did not want to be a mother, thus felt extremely guilty.

Her guilt caused her more bitterness, which she took out on me rather than a defenseless child. (score 1 for her) She only resented the child.

I exacerbated things by fulfilling the parent roles the best I could to cope with her shortcomings. I really messed up by not rolling over and ignoring her behavior, and having the gall to suggest she or we needed either medical help, or counseling help.


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## russell28 (Apr 17, 2013)

Q tip said:


> I wonder-- if a marriage license had an expiration date on it with option to let it expire or renew, I wonder if a couple would work harder for the marriage.


I like this idea in the modern age of people having three weddings. My SIL is on a cruise for her SIL's third wedding. 

The third one should have special vows... "I do until I get bored with you"


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## rrrbbbttt (Apr 6, 2011)

Trusted her, believed in her and loved her.


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## russell28 (Apr 17, 2013)

I was also too nice.. did everything she wanted. Bought her everything.. catered to her family, let her do whatever she wanted. Flowers, movies, trips, cars.. trusted loved and cherished her... too beta.


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## PamJ (Mar 22, 2013)

Q tip said:


> You know what's good for so much work & too tired as result. Yep - getting to a health club and working out. I had no time and plenty of excuses, but went ahead and fit it in anyway.
> 
> *After a month or two, I felt much better, more energy and more ability to help out with everything else at home. Getting in shape, lose the extra pounds and building endurance to handle whatever comes along feels pretty good. I am even busier, but never too tired to chip in and get things done...!*


*
*

You are right about that, and a lot of his problems were about his self image, body issues. He had gained weight when he started a much less physical career. He was now sitting most of the day and was looking elsewhere for someone to tell him how awesome he was rather than actually doing something constructive about it. 

These days he keeps active whenever possible, even though he still has to sit a lot. He works out, goes on long fast bike rides (I go along sometimes but I slow him down a little), we go for 3-4 mile walks when we can.Our youngest moved out so now he's back in charge of the lawn again  It helps everything, starting with your self-image and mood.


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## TimeHeals (Sep 26, 2011)

The big mistake everybody who has a spouse that cheated on them made is....

they married them  Sometimes, they even stayed with them after they cheated the first time. That's gotta sting the second time.

People with integrity don't cheat. They do get divorced. though.


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

After I came home from Iraq in 2009 I asked my wife what she needed from me. She said she need things to look forward to to keep fun and excitment in her life. So:

1. Oct 2009 - went to the Outer Banks for a week
2. Oct 2009 spent a week in a 2 million dollar house at the Jersey shore and were guests of honor at clam fest with over 10,000 people in attendance, as a returning Iraq Veteran.
3. Jan. 2010 took her to Hilton Head Island
3. Feb 2010, took her to Williamsburg VA
4. 2010 - took her to many Phillies games as she is a big fan of baseball and the Phillies
5. Took two trips to Florida in the summer of 2010, one to Disney and another trip to Ft. Lauderdale.

In April 2010 she started cheating on me.

2011 - Disney, Ft. Lauderdale.

2012 - Cancun, Virgin Islands

And I can list more trips from 2010 through 2012.

Her family said I took my wife on more trips in those years then most of them have gone in the entire course of their marriage.


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## manticore (Sep 3, 2013)

russell28 said:


> I was also too nice.. did everything she wanted. Bought her everything.. catered to her family, let her do whatever she wanted. Flowers, movies, trips, cars.. trusted loved and cherished her... too beta.


Rusell from the first time I read your story (from parts in differents threads) I feel really bad about your situation not just bacuase you were a devoted good man but also for the amount of years it lasted and the amount of betryed memories you have that even while it seem happy you probably think "yeah but she was banging the OM".

which brings me to my point, it seems to me that you have alot of unresolved anger and resentment (which is understable) and at least in your post you don't appear to be written by someone in reconcilation, are more like someone who is divorcing and learning to let go his WW.

Do not take me wrong you have the rigt of the world to vent and leave your anger here instead of home, after all, this is a support forum, but I have to wonder if you are adreesing this anger and resentment issues correctly with your wife, or if you just carry with it and accept it as something that you are going to live with the rest of your life.

I write you this because remembering your posts it seems that they have become more sarcastic and angrier with time in comparation of when you arrived to TAM


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## russell28 (Apr 17, 2013)

manticore said:


> Rusell from the first time I read your story (from parts in differents threads) I feel really bad about your situation not just bacuase you were a devoted good man but also for the amount of years it lasted and the amount of betryed memories you have that even while it seem happy you probably think "yeah but she was banging the OM".
> 
> which brings me to my point, it seems to me that you have alot of unresolved anger and resentment (which is understable) and at least in your post you don't appear to be written by someone in reconcilation, are more like someone who is divorcing and learning to let go his WW.
> 
> ...


I guess the bottom line is that there was a time this place helped me. Now it just annoys me. 

My wife puts up with listening to me vent, another reason I'm still with her.. I won't bother you kind folks any longer with my sarcasm.


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## manticore (Sep 3, 2013)

russell28 said:


> I guess the bottom line is that there was a time this place helped me. Now it just annoys me.
> 
> My wife puts up with listening to me vent, another reason I'm still with her.. I won't bother you kind folks any longer with my sarcasm.



Dude, if you have seen my posts, I am sarcastic, and at times a basher, but I also try to help user that are in R or D, specially focusing in the mental state and circumstances of the BS.

If I bring this subject is because I hope you get better with time, if you are in R then go to IC and properly demand your wife to help you deal with those emotions to eventually minimize them (or dissapear them in the best scenario), what I don't want man is you to become the classic man on his 80's full of resent and anger because of what your wife did.

and man, why would you stop posting for one person's opinion even one of my favorite posters send me to f*ck myself recently because he didnt like my honest opinion but I am not going to leave just bacause of that (althought I understand his postion) but we are here to try to help users to deal with their problems (or at least that is why support fourm where created) I am not attacking you I am trying to give you one valid perspective to see if it is useful for you.


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## Healer (Jun 5, 2013)

russell28 said:


> You'll find lots of help on these forums to teach you exactly how to look deeply at what you did to make your spouse cheat on you.
> 
> Welcome to the new cheating friendly TAM. We will help you justify your cheating and shift blame onto your spouse if you're a wayward spouse. If you've been betrayed, we'll let you know what you can do differently next time to make sure you don't make people cheat on you again.
> 
> ...


I know it's horrible, but that cracked me up. Well done.


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## Healer (Jun 5, 2013)

russell28 said:


> I guess the bottom line is that there was a time this place helped me. Now it just annoys me.
> 
> My wife puts up with listening to me vent, another reason I'm still with her.. I won't bother you kind folks any longer with my sarcasm.


I enjoy your sarcasm.

That being said - I understand your growing resentment. Mine grew too large and overpowering and I had to end R and D. Should be finalized any day now, and I'm thrilled about it.

Looking back, I'm amazed I was with that woman. I wouldn't change her cheating if I could - it was the only thing that would allow me to end my marriage to her. Otherwise I'd have stayed no matter what because I took those vows, and had those children with her.

I'm a happier person now, even though the betrayal and losing my family unit is still very painful and hurtful.

I just wish you happiness with whatever path you ultimately take.

Take care of yourself, brother.


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## Healer (Jun 5, 2013)

manticore said:


> Dude, if you have seen my posts, I am sarcastic, and at times a basher, but I also try to help user that are in R or D, specially focusing in the mental state and circumstances of the BS.
> 
> If I bring this subject is because I hope you get better with time, if you are in R then go to IC and properly demand your wife to help you deal with those emotions to eventually minimize them (or dissapear them in the best scenario), what I don't want man is you to become the classic man on his 80's full of resent and anger because of what your wife did.
> 
> and man, why would you stop posting for one person's opinion even one of my favorite posters send me to f*ck myself recently because he didnt like my honest opinion but I am not going to leave just bacause of that (althought I understand his postion) but we are here to try to help users to deal with their problems (or at least that is why support fourm where created) I am not attacking you I am trying to give you one valid perspective to see if it is useful for you.


I think he's knows this. You seem like a genuinely caring person from what I know of you. You were voicing concern, not giving him sh*t. I think Russell is in some pain right now.


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## Racer (Sep 24, 2009)

lol... several wonderful reasons.

After 15 years she noticed I was Anglo-Saxon (a suburban middle class white guy with a decent job). That meant boring and not exotic. Why couldn't I be more exotic (ethnic) and have 'edge' (a criminal record)? So boring I was changing diapers, mowing grass, racing cars... Why couldn't I be a sleek limo driver living on the edge of poverty with a cool African accent and a entirely fabricated life of bandits, rebels, and heroic deeds seeking out and living the American dream? (oddly enough which is a race car driving, home owning, suburban father who owns his own thriving company with 3 beautiful kids, a dog and a perfectly mowed yard)

and lol... she also didn't like that my WoW toon was female.


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## barbados (Aug 30, 2012)

Q tip said:


> The question is wrong...
> 
> But the answer is 42


Did you say 42 ?? LOL


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## nuclearnightmare (May 15, 2013)

TimeHeals said:


> The big mistake everybody who has a spouse that cheated on them made is....
> 
> they married them  Sometimes, they even stayed with them after they cheated the first time. That's gotta sting the second time.
> 
> *People with integrity don't cheat*. They do get divorced. though.


this bolded this


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

One time I bought 2% milk. We are a 1% milk household. I'm told.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

Almostrecovered said:


> wore socks with sandals around the house


That really is unforgivable!


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

workindad said:


> Matt how long was your wife gone during her affair.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


She wasn't gone, as such, but she was seeing her lover. We had separate properties for a number of valid reasons.

We presented a normal face to the world, attended social functions and the like.

Then after 2 to 3 months, her affair was over.


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## HarryDoyle (Jan 19, 2013)

Apparently the only reason I ever complimented her or showed affection is because I wanted sex. 

So she went and had sex with other guys who only wanted to have sex with her. Go figure.:scratchhead:


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## cpacan (Jan 2, 2012)

I was totally ignorant towards infidelity, trusted her and put her on a pedestal.

Also, I forgot to tell her she would probably get busted should she choose to cheat.

I corrected those errors subsequently.


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## jj123456 (Sep 26, 2012)

My WW said ..."I didn't make her feel special". 

But making her feel special was quite hard to fit in among...working 70 hours a week, buying her new cars, taking the family all over the world on vacations, paying all her bills for clothes, hair stylists/colourists etc, taking care of every household utility bill, employing a cleaner, employing a gardener, getting her car serviced, paying for the kids education and clubs.

I really screwed up....if only I'd sat at home on my lazy ass and "made her feel special"..none of this would have happened


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## Racer (Sep 24, 2009)

HarryDoyle said:


> Apparently the only reason I ever complimented her or showed affection is because I wanted sex.


Oh lol... I got that one too. As well as the double down; I was only with her for sex. _Ironic because we were nearly sexless for years too._


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## workindad (May 7, 2011)

MattMatt said:


> She wasn't gone, as such, but she was seeing her lover. We had separate properties for a number of valid reasons.
> 
> We presented a normal face to the world, attended social functions and the like.
> 
> Then after 2 to 3 months, her affair was over.


Dang- that had to suck big time.

You are a more tolerant and forgiving soul than I am.

Did POSOM ever get run over by the karma nb==bus?


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

Got angry that she was cheating.

When I pointed out that getting angry AFTER finding out about her wh0ring around is not the right sequence for a reason to cheat? Her response? I'm trying to confuse her!


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## manticore (Sep 3, 2013)

MattMatt said:


> "just something she had to do."


okey Matt I am also out of words here.

why she "had" to have an affair, telling it like that it seems like you were irrelevant in the equation, but why according to her it has to happen?


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

workindad said:


> Dang- that had to suck big time.
> 
> You are a more tolerant and forgiving soul than I am.
> 
> Did POSOM ever get run over by the karma nb==bus?


Oh, yeah! He went and got a divorce and then married a tall, pretty, blonde woman with large brea.... Hang on, that'd be a no to the karma bus, then!:rofl:


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

manticore said:


> okey Matt I am also out of words here.
> 
> why she "had" to have an affair, telling it like that it seems like you were irrelevant in the equation, but why according to her it has to happen?


He was a former boyfriend who came back to town and it was just like this song Rockin' Berries- He's In Town - YouTube He's Back in Town.

She has a pretty unique way of thinking about things.


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## workindad (May 7, 2011)

MattMatt said:


> Oh, yeah! He went and got a divorce and then married a tall, pretty, blonde woman with large brea.... Hang on, that'd be as no to the karma bus, then!:rofl:


Maybe his new wife hates sex and he doesn't get any...

Think positive.


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## sidney2718 (Nov 2, 2013)

jj123456 said:


> My WW said ..."I didn't make her feel special".
> 
> But making her feel special was quite hard to fit in among...working 70 hours a week, buying her new cars, taking the family all over the world on vacations, paying all her bills for clothes, hair stylists/colourists etc, taking care of every household utility bill, employing a cleaner, employing a gardener, getting her car serviced, paying for the kids education and clubs.
> 
> I really screwed up....if only I'd sat at home on my lazy ass and "made her feel special"..none of this would have happened


You are probably right.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

workindad said:


> Maybe his new wife hates sex and he doesn't get any...
> 
> Think positive.


His children hate him. Which is a plus.


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## Headspin (May 13, 2012)

haha 

As I said in the other thread 

I made her work part time , now 17 years ago for 16 hrs a week for about 4 months 

I work from home and as I had time control over my work and managed to look after the kids too whilst she worked part time, she started shouting at me, "I come in from work and you're here and you've been in doors for most of the day "!!

I 'm a private piano and guitar teacher/performer 
She said "I can't believe you call that working. Sitting there watching people play music, especially for the rates you charge" 


I kid you not !


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I did not keep the house clean enough. I was lazy. I wasted money... for example I hired someone to clean house weekly.

After all, all I did was to bring home the bacon running a software research/development company, was primary care taker of our son, took care of the housework, yard, etc. 

I put him through medical school and supported us.... stupid, lazy me.


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## NeverMore (Feb 24, 2013)

Didn't fold the kitchen towels.


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

In all honesty the mistakes I made:

1) Failed to recognize her depression. I think I should have gotten her help much earlier.

2) Worked too many hours and should have cut them back a bit.


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## jim123 (Sep 29, 2012)

russell28 said:


> I started to, after I booted her out and changed the locks.. she was gone for a couple months. I decided to R because she stopped telling me lies, and stopped the blame shifting and gas lighting. I couldn't R with a person that was going to continue to manipulate me. I have a long list of reasons why I chose to R. Pros out weight the cons. Basically she's showing signs of real remorse, not the fake kind that continues to shift blame for the betrayal onto the one that was betrayed, even if it's subtle and disguised as 'marriage problems'. She'll admit her talks were her creating her justifications and not giving me enough information to actually understand what her issues were. So I guess the fact that she's finally being honest with me, it seems refreshing.. the transparency, honesty and great sex.. and she's good looking, that's another reason. If she was ugly I'd dump her.
> 
> Another 'reason' I was cheated on... I load the dishwasher the way it's supposed to be loaded, she wants me to do it backwards!!


Don't you see that your wife is now giving you enough information to be honest with you is exactly what Mrs. M is talking about and what you are making fun of.

Mrs. M wants to be honest with Matt. I am not sure why it is such a big deal for you when anyone in true R must do it.


----------



## dgtal (Jun 11, 2010)

I didn't mow the lawn for 2 weeks in a raw during summer time


----------



## dgtal (Jun 11, 2010)

I forgot to put the garbage out


----------



## Juicer (May 2, 2012)

Worked too much. I guess 70 hour work weeks doesn't always mean we get as much quality time as she wanted. 
And our long-term plans may have not exactly lined up like they should have...I blame her for that though. 
And took steroids. She was afraid to argue with me, thinking I'd go all roid rage on her. Don't know why, never did before. Didn't even go raging on DDay. On her that is...But I found out I could lift more than 400 lbs. that day. My personal record still. 

I don't know what else. Uh...
I drive like an idiot? (her words not mine)
I don't like scary movies? 
I left the seat up? 
Or when I bought her the wrong sized bra for some lingerie for her birthday? That one time...


----------



## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

Almostrecovered said:


> wore socks with sandals around the house



The other ones are funny, but this one is probably justifiable


----------



## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

Q tip said:


> Did the "pull my finger" trick too often. (But it worked every time)


I have a pretty funny story about that. 

One day at work I made the comment "That sounds as much fun as pulling Grandpa's finger." Everyone laughed except a guy who immigrated from Brazil. He asked me to explain the joke. I told him the gag and that it was something often done by grandfathers.

Several months later he comes up to me "Larry, my wife hates you."

"Huh?"

"My wife hates you. Remember that 'pull my finger' thing you told me about?"

"Yeah, and?"

"Well my two grand-kids were over and I successfully pulled the trick. My grand-kids thought it was funny, but my wife hates you."

:lol:


----------



## PreRaphaelite (Dec 15, 2012)

Almostrecovered said:


> left the water running while brushing my teeth


Oooooo, I get that one all the time!


----------



## PreRaphaelite (Dec 15, 2012)

michzz said:


> Got angry that she was cheating.
> 
> When I pointed out that getting angry AFTER finding out about her wh0ring around is not the right sequence for a reason to cheat? Her response? I'm trying to confuse her!


:rofl:


----------



## PreRaphaelite (Dec 15, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> I did not keep the house clean enough. I was lazy. I wasted money... for example I hired someone to clean house weekly.
> 
> After all, all I did was to bring home the bacon running a software research/development company, was primary care taker of our son, took care of the housework, yard, etc.
> 
> I put him through medical school and supported us.... stupid, lazy me.


You wasted money putting him through medical school. No wonder he cheated on you. :wtf:


----------



## Headspin (May 13, 2012)

Here's a couple that reminds just what a nasty evil piece of work she was 

As I musician I was at one point touring around, not excessively so, just through summer months for functions work but earning very very good money. This was for 9 years 

She starts a fling with the other singer in the band. I finsh the whole band as and blow him a good 'friend' out.

6 months later "and now you're earning less and supporting us less" !

2011 Jan had a kidney stone - anyone who has had this knows about pain trust me. From Nov to Jan . Finally hospitalized in Jan for three weeks and three weeks convalesce - 6 weeks not working 

She leaves three months later citing "and you've become lazy baztard not bothering to support us" 



:rofl:

Brilliant


----------



## BetrayedAgain7 (Apr 27, 2013)

russell28 said:


> If you're a BS, please share what you did to make your spouse cheat.


From HIS perspective, I did nothing. Although he did feel alone and used, he was just fvcked in the head. (His words, not mine)


From MY perspective he cheated because he felt very alone in our marriage. I had a high flying career and concentrated all my effort into that. What was left of my emotional and physical effort I put into the kids.
He was also very much a beta who wouldn't stand up for himself except in a passive aggressive way which I despised, and my words and manner conveyed that to him at times.

He however, NEVER ONCE told me that he felt alone and abandoned. Never explained that his self esteem was low enough, and his resentment high enough, that all he could do was to act out his resentment in a very PA way. He never wanted to confront ANYTHING, whereas I yearned for it. He would also make very subtle hints (without actually coming right out and telling me why) that he wasn't happy with our sex life.

All of these realisations (for both of us) have occurred post D Day.


----------



## Acoa (Sep 21, 2012)

Where do I start?

When the affairs were starting (before I knew about them), I was playing a female character on World of Warcraft, so that must be the common theme. Guys, don't play female pixels, it will make your spouse cheat. 

Oh, and I worked too much, and spent time with the kids, and the only time I had available for her conflicted with when she had commitments to the theater. And she couldn't blow that off because people were counting on her. (That wasn't sarcastic, that was an actual conversation we had, ugh).

And I fart in bed and didn't make meatloaf. (That was sarcastic)

Once all that played out, she admitted it was her depression, and if I had helped her recognize it earlier and get help then it wouldn't have happened. (I wonder why it didn't come up in the thousands of dollars worth of counseling I paid for!)

In her mind I am partially responsible for her cheating. And that is the only part she wants to discuss. I told her everything she needs to know in the petition for dissolution of marriage.


----------



## Fun_One (May 28, 2014)

I provided for her.

When I got out of the military, we moved, I bought her a new house and started working a 40 hour week. She was a bored stay at home mom and the only person around was the builder who was fixing the house. She was bored for over a year.


----------



## Headspin (May 13, 2012)

Acoa said:


> Where do I start............
> 
> In her mind I am partially responsible for her cheating. And that is the only part she wants to discuss.


Exactly where I was and still am with her.

"You never supported us financially" Although she worked part time for 10 of the 15 years 18 months full time and 3 and 1/2 not at all.

So as I still questioned whilst under verbal assault from her only a month ago 

"As you worked mostly part time and apparently I did fkall how was it that we had such a rich fruitful full time together - holidays beautiful house cars etc etc ( in moments of honesty she admits to this great life we had) How would we be able to afford the life we had if you worked only part time and I did nothing ??" 

"That's not the point " she exclaimed 

I then said "I can go into the office next door and with work records tax and pay sheets for the whole period prove who did what and would you believe it turns out I did more than you, substantially more (and looked after the kids full time). Would you like to see those records"?

"Fvck off" 

:rofl:

Even now nearly 2 and 1/2 years after separating she's still spouting this re written justification for all her serial deeds and here's the scary thing 

She actually believes her own invention. She's re written things into her mind embedded them so that they are TRUTH 

As I say 'Don't you think you'd get on better move forward better by just admitting you were a selfish entitled lying baztard and we'd all eventually admit that that is what some people do and get on. 

But she simply cannot go there and admit anything

It makes it so easy to have zero respect for her permanently. Even the kids see this about her now


----------



## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

Was a nice guy that catered to her every whim.

I'm serious.


----------



## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

revenge for the "dutch oven"


----------



## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

michzz said:


> Got angry that she was cheating.
> 
> When I pointed out that getting angry AFTER finding out about her wh0ring around is not the right sequence for a reason to cheat? Her response? I'm trying to confuse her!


Heh.

That reminded me of the 3rd or 4th last conversation I had with my ex.

We were separated. She said that I was too dependant on her, that I couldn't do anything right without having her do it for me, and something to the effect that "a real partner would be able to stand on their own."

I was coming out of my funk (having been spontaneously left a few months before) and having a good day, so my response was:

"Wait a minute, I'm 27, make six figures and get flown around the world to speak at conferences and set up new departments, have a ton of friends and hobbies, and just came from teaching a martial arts class to more than a dozen people. Explain to me again how I'm dependant on you to do everything?"

Her response:

"You're confusing me. I'm going to leave now."


----------



## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

left a tissue in my pocket that got all over the wash


----------



## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

michzz said:


> Got angry that she was cheating.
> 
> When I pointed out that getting angry AFTER finding out about her wh0ring around is not the right sequence for a reason to cheat? *Her response? I'm trying to confuse her!*





marduk said:


> Heh.
> 
> "Wait a minute, I'm 27, make six figures, have a ton of friends and hobbies, and just came from teaching a martial arts class to more than a dozen people. Explain to me again how I'm dependant on you to do everything?"
> 
> ...


They either actually believe their obvious baloney or just can't admit that it is stale lunchmeat.

So rather than just for once say the truth in response to obvious calling out of their BS, they have to dodge it one more time.


----------



## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

double dipping


----------



## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

michzz said:


> They either actually believe their obvious baloney or just can't admit that it is stale lunchmeat.
> 
> So rather than just for once say the truth in response to obvious calling out of their BS, they have to dodge it one more time.


She said the same thing when we were separated a couple of weeks, had agreed _not_ to see any other people (unbeknownst to me she had been for the past 6 months or more) and I found out she was going away for the weekend with her sister, her sister's boyfriend, and her sister's boyfriend's friend. 

When I said, wait a minute, we agreed not to see other people until we decide we're done, she said "we're separated, I can go away and do what I want. You're the one that's confused."

So we go ahead and call it quits. I have to go to our condo to get it ready for resale, and to take it over while it's listed because I refused to keep paying the mortgage on a place where she's living at screwing other guys.

So I go over. We're amicable. Everything's cool. In fact, too cool. She's taking way too long to get the hell out the door.

So I say... can we hurry this up a little? I have a date coming over. Which I did.

She say's... get this... "I'm confused, I thought we agreed not to see other people until we're legally divorced." I just laughed in her face and said "I know you've been screwing at least one other guy this whole time, so don't give me that."

She looks at me like I just peed on her shoes and hurried out the door.

Another time was was when our divorce was finalized (in Canada it takes a year of separation). She actually sent a guy on behalf of her lawyer to my work, said that "I was in trouble with the police and had to come see him at reception right now," so my boss escorted me up.

He shoves the divorce papers at me and said "you've been served" like my ex thought I would run and hide from the divorce being finalized (we'd been apart a year at this point).

So I smile, sign the papers right there, and gave them to the guy. My boss was cool, and laughed, and took me for a beer.

My ex calls me during this and says "I hear you laughed when you got served." I said "That was a bunch of BS and a stupid trick, I'm happy to be rid of you." She said... "I'm confused, I thought you still wanted to be married!" 

I hung up.

The last time we spoke, I was driving out to a fun romantic weekend with my hot new GF (who became my wife) when the ex called me up. Was a month or two after we signed the papers.

She says "We need to talk about the lawyer fees, you had agreed to pay for my lawyer so I need a check." I said "What are you talking about, why would I agree to pay for your lawyer so you can divorce me?" 

She said "I'm confused, I don't have the money, you need to pay for it!" 

I said "Time to not be confused. Let me be clear. Never speak to me again and I now owe you nothing."

And hung up the phone with a smile on my face.

Sorry for the diatribe. I just realized how delusional my ex was.


----------



## Dad&Hubby (Aug 14, 2012)

I didn't squeeze the toothpaste tube from the bottom

I left only a few sheets of toilet paper on the roll instead of replacing it

I was inconsiderate when I would use my electric razor to shave before work because it would wake her up and she was a stay at home mom

I didn't always spray after "dropping the kids off at the pool"

Apparently I was a monster in the bathroom


----------



## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

marduk said:


> *She says "We need to talk about the lawyer fees, you had agreed to pay for my lawyer so I need a check." I said "What are you talking about, why would I agree to pay for your lawyer so you can divorce me?" *
> 
> She said "I'm confused, I don't have the money, you need to pay for it!"
> 
> ...


My ex tried to get $3K out of me to pay her lawyer. I told her I didn't agree too pay her lawyer on top of the fortune I have to pay her every month. I told her to pound sand.

She actually tried to tell me that her lawyer was "our" mediator.


----------



## PamJ (Mar 22, 2013)

marduk<<Sorry for the diatribe. I just realized how delusional my ex was.>>

And confused!


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

I put "i" before "e" EVEN AFTER "c"

She was so concieted...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Hopeful Cynic (Apr 27, 2014)

Let's see....

Looked after the kids my ex wanted...

Worked a stressful job so my ex could have the part-time dream job that made no money...

Wasn't spontaneous or energetic enough (see above)...

But it's nice to know I can blame it all on my female WoW character!


Oh, and when the woman accuses you of trying to confuse her when all you're doing is being logical? It's because there's no arguing the logic!


----------



## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

Hopeful Cynic said:


> Let's see....
> 
> Looked after the kids my ex wanted...
> 
> ...


It's like my ex being a realtor. She hadn't had a transaction in five years but I was paying her real estate office fees. I insisted that she quit and find a real job.

Oh she quit, whining the whole time, blaming me for her no sales in a booming silicon valley real estate market. But has never worked another day in her life since then, in 2008.

Truth be told, she really only had a few sales in the prior decade, mostly one or two a year. I think she just used that job as a cover for explaining her time.

When called on the sheer waste of time and money that 'career" was?

She called me envious! Said that I hated my job and couldn't stand it that she loved hers.


----------



## Healer (Jun 5, 2013)

I didn't treat her like **** like her father and the guy she was in love with in high school (who she cheated on me with). I stopped doing the things I loved (playing music professionally, having a social life) to (ineffectively) put to rest her fears that I was cheating on her. I remained totally faithful to her.

If I would've done the reverse of all these things, I don't think she would've cheated on me. Because she's a very damaged person. Some people treat you better when you treat them like sh*t. It's sick.


----------



## Q tip (Apr 15, 2014)

On a drunken Friday night, I pulled the clear plastic "dust" covers off all the furniture in the living room we can't go in or use.

;-)


----------



## Pepper123 (Nov 27, 2012)

My exH didn't cheat, but he strangled me.... Because I stayed at work late to work on a loan for a customer and then "ran my mouth" when he accused me of cheating.


----------



## Q tip (Apr 15, 2014)

Pepper123 said:


> My exH didn't cheat, but he strangled me.... Because I stayed at work late to work on a loan for a customer and then "ran my mouth" when he accused me of cheating.


Oh wow...


----------



## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

Pepper123 said:


> My exH didn't cheat, but he strangled me.... Because I stayed at work late to work on a loan for a customer and then "ran my mouth" when he accused me of cheating.


I'm so sorry.


----------



## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Healer said:


> I didn't treat her like **** like her father and the guy she was in love with in high school (who she cheated on me with). I stopped doing the things I loved (playing music professionally, having a social life) to (ineffectively) put to rest her fears that I was cheating on her. I remained totally faithful to her.
> 
> If I would've done the reverse of all these things, I don't think she would've cheated on me. Because she's a very damaged person. Some people treat you better when you treat them like sh*t. It's sick.


You don't have to treat her like ****. You just have to be able to say No to her, when necessary, and stick to it.


----------



## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Pepper123 said:


> My exH didn't cheat, but he strangled me.... Because I stayed at work late to work on a loan for a customer and then "ran my mouth" when he accused me of cheating.


(((((Pepper)))))


----------



## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

Pepper123 said:


> My exH didn't cheat, but he strangled me.... Because I stayed at work late to work on a loan for a customer and then "ran my mouth" when he accused me of cheating.


Pepper I got mad just reading this. I'm glad you are in a better place now.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Healer (Jun 5, 2013)

jld said:


> You don't have to treat her like ****. You just have to be able to say No to her, when necessary, and stick to it.


Well first off, I'm divorcing her. And secondly, I said "no" and stuck to it, plenty.


----------



## Hurtin_Still (Oct 3, 2011)

......well ....I worked a lot ....at least 60 hrs a week ...and the job had a two hour commute / drive (each way). I took that job after pressure from her to get a position that had medical benefits. But ...of course we always could use more money ...so I always did freelance work too.

.....I never wanted to go out ...to the movies ...or as I will hear till the day I die ..to a free concert that she won tickets for.

....I didn't compliment her left and right regarding her looks ....because I was comfortable with her ...home life...etc.

.....I later found out ...after having what I thought was a nervous breakdown ...that I had been in the grip of clinical depression for several years.

.....so ...my bad ...I was ill ...and didn't know it. Yup ...my bad.

...guess I deserved for her to cheat.


----------



## love=pain (Nov 26, 2012)

Woke up breathing


----------



## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Healer said:


> Well first off, I'm divorcing her. And secondly, I said "no" and stuck to it, plenty.


Good. That will help you in the future.


----------



## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

Max.HeadRoom said:


> Granted this was in 1993... I worked too much to take care of her and the house hold. In her words “You were neglecting me!” I was playing the part of the “Good Provide”. I still think about it every day even though she has been dead for 12 years now.


What did she die of? Sounds like you where her caretaker and the user usually outlives the caretaker.

Must've made you feel like garbage that no matter what you did it could never be enough.


----------



## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

Hurtin_Still said:


> ......well ....I worked a lot ....at least 60 hrs a week ...and the job had a two hour commute / drive (each way). I took that job after pressure from her to get a position that had medical benefits. But ...of course we always could use more money ...so I always did freelance work too.


You worked harder to provide for the family, nothing wrong with that.



Hurtin_Still said:


> ......
> .....I
> never wanted to go out ...to the movies ...or as I will hear till the day I die ..to a free concert that she won tickets for.


Even if your married you still have to date.



Hurtin_Still said:


> ......
> ....I didn't compliment her left and right regarding her looks ....because I was comfortable with her ...home life...etc.




You have to complement them some, but don't over do it so it loses it effect. You can complement them and they are giving more value to the guys out in the world who complement them though...



Hurtin_Still said:


> ......
> .....I later found out ...after having what I thought was a nervous breakdown ...that I had been in the grip of clinical depression for several years.


How the hell do you know she wasn't cheating on you and gaslighting you the entire time, and causing your stress to be super high and for you to have a nervous breakdown due to the lies that you never knew about culminating into doubt and worry because something wasn't right?



Hurtin_Still said:


> ......
> 
> .....so ...my bad ...I was ill ...and didn't know it. Yup ...my bad.
> 
> ...guess I deserved for her to cheat.


NOpe


----------



## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

Almostrecovered said:


> revenge for the "dutch oven"


That probably would have gotten more likes if more people knew what it was. 

(You stinky ******.)


----------



## Pepper123 (Nov 27, 2012)

*Re: Re: What did you do to make your spouse cheat on you?*



larry.gray said:


> That probably would have gotten more likes if more people knew what it was.
> 
> (You stinky ******.)


Lol. 

Thank you, Urban Dictionary.


----------



## AngryandUsed (Jun 23, 2011)

Almostrecovered said:


> took too much of my share of the sheets while sleeping


AlmostRecovered, that is crude hatred.


----------



## sammy3 (Jun 5, 2011)

My husband said he was lonely. He said he tried to reach out to me but that I didnt hear him, he said I brushed him off, saying, "As soon as our son is launched, our time will come..."

~ sammy


----------



## Healer (Jun 5, 2013)

almostrecovered said:


> left a tissue in my pocket that got all over the wash


bastard!


----------



## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

Hung her clothes on wire hangers.


----------



## kenmoore14217 (Apr 8, 2010)

*Welcome to the new cheating friendly TAM.* 

I disagree with this statement if it's directed towards TAM and it sure looks like it is.

Try surviving infidelity if you want to get your bun hole in a knot! That disgusting site is run by a female cheater and it's her way or the highway. Believe me, I learned first hand.


----------



## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

larry.gray said:


> That probably would have gotten more likes if more people knew what it was.
> 
> (You stinky ******.)



urban dictionary is your friend


----------



## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

Almostrecovered said:


> urban dictionary is your friend


I learned what it was when I was in grade school. A buddy told me about what his dad did to him, mom and little brother.

The kids had come into mom and dad's bed on a Sunday morning. Dad snorted hard and said "I think I'm going to hock a loogie up in the air and see where it lands." They all duck under the covers and he pulls a dutch oven on all three of them.


----------



## 2xloser (May 8, 2011)

workindad said:


> I didn't make enough money.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I MADE enough money, so that she didn't have to work and could stay at home, raise our child, go the gym... and have plenty of time to cheat on me because I was working and on the road often.


----------



## love=pain (Nov 26, 2012)

Truthseeker1 said:


> Hung her clothes on wire hangers.


No Wire Hangers - Mommie Dearest (6/9) Movie CLIP (1981) HD - YouTube


----------



## Q tip (Apr 15, 2014)

Almostrecovered said:


> double dipping


Is this one open to interpretation...?


----------



## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

kenmoore14217 said:


> *Welcome to the new cheating friendly TAM.*
> 
> I disagree with this statement if it's directed towards TAM and it sure looks like it is.
> 
> Try surviving infidelity if you want to get your bun hole in a knot! That disgusting site is run by a female cheater and it's her way or the highway. Believe me, I learned first hand.


My ex who cheated on me 2006-2009 sent me to surviving infidelity, I was also on Dr Phil and DivorceBusting.

The surviving infidelity site was filled with treachery and people torn apart in affairs.

My ex-wife was the unrepentant "power" cheater similar to the author of the website. TAM really helped me get off of it, because they had more stories of guys and ladies who made it through the "tunnel" to the other end of divorce and living your life.


----------



## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

2xloser said:


> I MADE enough money, so that she didn't have to work and could stay at home, raise our child, go the gym... and have plenty of time to cheat on me because I was working and on the road often.


Well you know they say "no good deed goes unpunished".


----------



## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

Lets see, she has used so many lines now it hard to keep track of them all…

I never gave her a child so I lied and deceived her our whole marriage yet she couldn’t have children.

I should have bought her a nicer car after she got fired for theft from her job and lost her company car.

I didn’t ask her to help more when I cooked dinner but she found it demeaning and belittling if I asked her to help with the dishes. 

I was lazy because I didn’t put the handles on the kitchen cabinets quick enough after she bought them. Ok this I am guilty of so it did make the cheating ok I guess.


----------



## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

Nothing I guess. Her excuse was that we "grew apart", but later saying that she needs space. :scratchhead:


----------



## Headspin (May 13, 2012)

lordmayhem said:


> Nothing I guess. Her excuse was that we "grew apart", but later saying that she needs space. :scratchhead:


Haha

Your Lordship, I get that - so now we can safely conclude that 'space' is , yes it is .....an 'unmet need' 
:smthumbup:


----------



## russell28 (Apr 17, 2013)

lordmayhem said:


> Nothing I guess. Her excuse was that we "grew apart", but later saying that she needs space. :scratchhead:


So her real unmet need, was a good story and sticking to it.. she _needed _a better reason.


----------



## Moonfly (Mar 21, 2014)

After 12 years of marriage and 2 children, he decided he hated my voice and I didn't know enough about art and musical theater.


----------



## toonaive (Dec 13, 2012)

Apparently, I did Everything. :scratchhead:


----------



## russell28 (Apr 17, 2013)

Moonfly said:


> After 12 years of marriage and 2 children, he decided he hated my voice and I didn't know enough about art and musical theater.


You really should have sung better.. songs .. from CATs.. you were a monster.


----------



## Headspin (May 13, 2012)

toonaive said:


> Apparently, I did Everything. :scratchhead:


Yes but you did it crap


----------



## vellocet (Oct 18, 2013)

I was cheated on because I didn't have the ability to morph into someone different about every month or 2.

Even though I jest above, there is truth to it.

What I did was initiate affection all the time only to be rejected over and over. So I grew use to not having my needs met and just stopped trying.

So she cheated because I no longer was going to put myself through the humiliation of constant rejection.:rofl:

Wow, why didn't I cheat then?? Things that make you go hmmmm.


----------



## NeverMore (Feb 24, 2013)

Truthseeker1 said:


> Hung her clothes on wire hangers.


OOhhh... special place in Hell for that.


----------



## toonaive (Dec 13, 2012)

vellocet said:


> I was cheated on because I didn't have the ability to morph into someone different about every month or 2.
> 
> Even though I jest above, there is truth to it.
> 
> ...



I think we married the same make and model.


----------



## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

Oh, ya, I forgot another reason why my ex cheated on me.

Because I wanted to have sex with her.


----------



## Acoa (Sep 21, 2012)

marduk said:


> Oh, ya, I forgot another reason why my ex cheated on me.
> 
> Because I wanted to have sex with her.


Unacceptable! You monster.


----------



## X-B (Jul 25, 2013)

Because I married her.


----------



## RWB (Feb 6, 2010)

Trust.


----------



## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

vellocet said:


> I was cheated on because I didn't have the ability to morph into someone different about every month or 2.
> 
> Even though I jest above, there is truth to it.
> 
> ...


You didn't cheat because you didn't care enough about yourself and your needs.


----------



## TooNice (Nov 26, 2013)

We were seven years into our marriage, my parents had just died within 18 months of each other, and he didn't want to burden me with his troubles.


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## jim123 (Sep 29, 2012)

If you get cheated on and do not look into yourself, you are a fool.

I was cheated on and she left but I learned from it.


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## jim123 (Sep 29, 2012)

dupe


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## Acoa (Sep 21, 2012)

jim123 said:


> If you get cheated on and do not look into yourself, you are a fool.
> 
> 
> 
> I was cheated on and she left but I learned from it.



Are you saying it was your fault she cheated?


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## Rookie4 (Nov 26, 2012)

russell28 said:


> You'll find lots of help on these forums to teach you exactly how to look deeply at what you did to make your spouse cheat on you.
> 
> Welcome to the new cheating friendly TAM. We will help you justify your cheating and shift blame onto your spouse if you're a wayward spouse. If you've been betrayed, we'll let you know what you can do differently next time to make sure you don't make people cheat on you again.
> 
> ...


Having fun yet? The whole lame idea for this thread is that you really don't get the difference between marital issues and cheating issues, do you? The WS is always the evil one and the BS is always good. Goes without saying that cheaters should be branded with the scarlet letter.


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## Rookie4 (Nov 26, 2012)

They should change the name of this thread to, " The snarl, spit venom and sarcastic " thread. Reasonable opinions, not included.


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## russell28 (Apr 17, 2013)

Rookie4 said:


> Having fun yet? The whole lame idea for this thread is that you really don't get the difference between marital issues and cheating issues, do you? The WS is always the evil one and the BS is always good. Goes without saying that cheaters should be branded with the scarlet letter.


The idea for this lame thread is that many cheaters come up with lame ass excuses for why they cheat that have nothing to do with the REAL reasons they cheat (poor boundaries, selfish, lack of self control, entitlement etc..).

Have you read the thread?

I never said the BS is good and the WS is evil, but I'm also intelligent enough to understand that when someone is lying and cheating on a spouse, that's not a good thing.

I also never said a cheater should be branded with a scarlet letter. You said that.

I'm in R with a woman that cheated on me Rookie. If I thought she was an evil person, I wouldn't be with her. I also don't think I'm perfect. I do think good and bad are black and white. Good is white, black is bad. Not cheating, is good. Cheating is bad. It's not a complicated formula to comprehend for some. Others it's not such a clear line. They can be kind of faithful.. or faithful under certain circumstances.

What would you rather we call people that get caught cheating, can you find a nice name for them so we won't have to use the bad A letter? How about confused, or broken, are those nice enough for you?

I feel sorry for you that you think you caused your spouse to cheat on you. I don't think you should NOT work on yourself, but I do think you should do it for reasons that you want to be a better person, and a better spouse if you're in R, not because you think you had any control over your spouse telling you lies and sneaking around on you. You weren't involved in the choice to cheat, so don't let it eat you up that your wife blame shifted her choice to have an affair onto you.


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## russell28 (Apr 17, 2013)

Rookie4 said:


> They should change the name of this thread to, " The snarl, spit venom and sarcastic " thread. Reasonable opinions, not included.


Feel free to give a reasonable opinion at any point in time.. I'm still waiting.


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## russell28 (Apr 17, 2013)

*Cheating issues: *Telling lies, sneaking around, arrogance, lack of trustworthiness, indifference to suffering and pain, selfishness, entitlement, weak boundaries, poor self control, too flirty... etc.. etc..

*Marrige issues: *Poor communication, unmet needs, not enough hugs...

To me those are differences between marriage issues and cheating issues.

How do you think that list looks Rookie, like this?

Marrige issues: Telling lies, sneaking around, arrogance, lack of trustworthiness, indifference to suffering and pain, selfishness, entitlement, weak boundaries, poor self control, too flirty, poor communication, unmet needs, not enough hugs...


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## TooNice (Nov 26, 2013)

russell28 said:


> *Cheating issues: *Telling lies, sneaking around, arrogance, lack of trustworthiness, indifference to suffering and pain, selfishness, entitlement, weak boundaries, poor self control, too flirty... etc.. etc..
> 
> *Marrige issues: *Poor communication, unmet needs, not enough hugs...
> 
> To me those are differences between marriage issues and cheating issues.


I completely agree. I stayed with my H after he cheated on me 7 years in. After a 20 year marriage, I am absolutely accepting some blame for our failed marriage. While I sort of understand where he was back when he cheated, to this day I think it was $hitty as could be to do that while I was grieving for my parents. 

I also think it's a raw deal that I don't get to choose to work harder on fixing what is broken now, but that's a marriage issue.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## russell28 (Apr 17, 2013)

jim123 said:


> If you get cheated on and do not look into yourself, you are a fool.
> 
> I was cheated on and she left but I learned from it.


Care to share what you learned?

What did you see when you looked at yourself?

When I looked at myself, I saw a person that was a much better option than the OM my wife chose to have an affair with. As a marriage partner at least,.. actually in every sense now that I think about it, he really had nothing going for him. I guess he was awesome for sneaking around with and having sex. I wonder if he ever took a good long look at himself..


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

Rookie4 said:


> They should change the name of this thread to, " The snarl, spit venom and sarcastic " thread. Reasonable opinions, not included.


Against the rules.

5. No posting just to incite people or start arguments. (aka "trolls")


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## dgtal (Jun 11, 2010)

Assembled the toilet paper the wrong direction (unrolling to the person) as per her, it should be unrolling to the wall...ba fangulo
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## russell28 (Apr 17, 2013)

dgtal said:


> Assembled the toilet paper the wrong direction (unrolling to the person) as per her, it should be unrolling to the wall...ba fangulo
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Have you been working on this, so you don't repeat in future relationships and make people have to cheat on you again?

There really aren't enough good books about how to manage your toilet paper problems in a relationship. You may need a good IC for this one, or one of those guys that you have to tip in fancy bahtrooms, they might know how to fix you.


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## Tomara (Jun 19, 2013)

I didn't do call in's, I didn't cost. $1000.00 bucks for sex, I wasn't Asian, I wasn't a red head.... I just wasn't.


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## russell28 (Apr 17, 2013)

Tomara said:


> I didn't do call in's, I didn't cost. $1000.00 bucks for sex, I wasn't Asian, I wasn't a red head.... I just wasn't.


Sorry to hear you aren't a redhead. Many women suffer from this, you're not alone.

I hope you learned a lesson about yourself, and in the future you can be more Asian and charge your spouse for sex.


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## Q tip (Apr 15, 2014)

Is it people abuse the "marriage issue" excuse to cheat? Perhaps they incited the marital issues to create their mental cover for the affair. Master manipulators they learn to become...


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## Headspin (May 13, 2012)

Rookie4 said:


> They should change the name of this thread to, " The snarl, spit venom and sarcastic " thread. Reasonable opinions, not included.


Correct - they should 

Rookie's who is now 'snarling, spitting venom and being sarcastic

:lol:

Why are you so offended? Be interesting to know exactly why you are?

........ I wont hold my breath


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## Tomara (Jun 19, 2013)

russell28 said:


> Sorry to hear you aren't a redhead. Many women suffer from this, you're not alone.
> 
> 
> 
> I hope you learned a lesson about yourself, and in the future you can be more Asian and charge your spouse for sex.



Blondes have more fun or so I am told. Never will marry again, will leave that to the believers


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## russell28 (Apr 17, 2013)

Q tip said:


> Is it people abuse the "marriage issue" excuse to cheat? Perhaps they incited the marital issues to create their mental cover for the affair. Master manipulators they learn to become...


Many times the reasons are right there handed to them on a platter, but often they need to reach and grasp at straws because the spouse really isn't all that horrible enough to justify exploring those tingly feelings the new person has been giving them.. Many cheaters have to blow stuff out of proportion, make normal stuff that any marriage goes through into super huge issues. Instead of working on the issues, or talking to the spouse about the issues, they start telling the new person about the issues leaving the spouse in the dark. This new person comforts them, makes them feel tingly, so they tell them more, and hide more stuff from the spouse until they convince themselves they have enough reasons to abandon the 'relationship' (not the house, paycheck, kids, food in the fridge, car etc..) and just don't mention it to the spouse. 

They put much effort into coming up with reasons why cheating is a path to solve marriage problems, so when caught, they rattle them off like a machine gun... 

_'my boyfriend said you didn't appreciate me'... 

'why would i appreciate you, you were being cold and mean and not nice to me, probably because you had a boyfriend'..._

So what came first, the boyfriend or the marriage problems.. if it was the marriage problems, what did getting a boyfriend solve about the marriage problems? Is cheating a sign that you were being a wonderful spouse, but your partner was a bad spouse? To me, if you're cheating.. no matter what kind of spouse your partner is or was, you're being a bad spouse. So who cares about anything else? Why not focus on how you can do things better and stop blaming the spouse for your unhappiness, then sneaking around on them and telling them lies. It seems to me the one that should really be unhappy is the one that's being disrespected and abused behind their back by the person that took vows to love and cherish them.

So yea, wah wah to the cheater that complains about marriage problems. Complain before the cheating and we'll talk, but once you cheat.. I don't want to hear about how bad your spouse was. Because you basically aren't the model spouse any longer either.. so you can't play the 'I was treated poorly' card easily at that point. You can put it out there, and you can also be laughed at for being a hypocrite.

It's the old "I kicked him in the head because he poked me in the arm" argument.. It looks foolish, you should have walked away if you didn't like being poked in the arm. Not became the bigger bully.


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## russell28 (Apr 17, 2013)

Tomara said:


> Blondes have more fun or so I am told. Never will marry again, will leave that to the believers


I honestly will never marry another redhead as long as I live.


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## Rookie4 (Nov 26, 2012)

lordmayhem said:


> Against the rules.
> 
> 5. No posting just to incite people or start arguments. (aka "trolls")


Not at all. I don't agree with the premiss of this thread, and I'm entitled to feel that way. Who made you a Mod?


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## Rookie4 (Nov 26, 2012)

russell28 said:


> *Cheating issues: *Telling lies, sneaking around, arrogance, lack of trustworthiness, indifference to suffering and pain, selfishness, entitlement, weak boundaries, poor self control, too flirty... etc.. etc..
> 
> *Marrige issues: *Poor communication, unmet needs, not enough hugs...
> 
> ...


How about all of the above, plus many others . The trouble with your black /white, good/evil, scenerio is that, A. it allows very little room for personal growth, B. is based on the idea that the BS is totally blameless for the state of the marriage, C. is seriously harmful to the WS self-esteem. You said it yourself, , didn't you? Hey, do you want a slave or an equal partner? 
The WS works on the issues that lead them to cheat, you BOTH work on the issues that made your marriage so unworkable. Anybody believe that cheating happens in a vacuum?


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## Q tip (Apr 15, 2014)

Tomara said:


> Blondes have more fun or so I am told. Never will marry again, will leave that to the believers


...and to remarry is hope winning out over experience.


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## vellocet (Oct 18, 2013)

Rookie4 said:


> The WS is always the evil one and the BS is always good.


Not at all. I think most BS realize they weren't perfect.

But once cheating happens, the marital issues tend to take a back seat for a while until the infidelity is dealt with.




> Goes without saying that cheaters should be branded with the scarlet letter.


I believe most do deserve that designation, not all, but most.


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## vellocet (Oct 18, 2013)

Rookie4 said:


> How about all of the above, plus many others . The trouble with your black /white, good/evil, scenerio is that, A. it allows very little room for personal growth, B. *is based on the idea that the BS is totally blameless for the state of the marriage*



Then you obviously read you wanted to read, because he did highlight the marital issues and the issues he highlighted puts responsibility on the BS.




> C. is seriously harmful to the WS self-esteem.


How so?

And do I really need to point out the damaged self-esteem of most BS's by being cheated on?





> The WS works on the issues that lead them to cheat, you BOTH work on the issues that made your marriage so unworkable. *Anybody believe that cheating happens in a vacuum*?


Yes yes yes, we know, us BS pushed them into the bed of someone else. We are the real azzholes here


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## BradWesley (May 24, 2013)

In spite of the threads tongue in cheek mood, it really reinforces my opinion of how pathetic some people truly are!


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## russell28 (Apr 17, 2013)

Rookie4 said:


> How about all of the above, plus many others . The trouble with your black /white, good/evil, scenerio is that, A. it allows very little room for personal growth, B. is based on the idea that the BS is totally blameless for the state of the marriage, C. is seriously harmful to the WS self-esteem. You said it yourself, , didn't you? Hey, do you want a slave or an equal partner?
> The WS works on the issues that lead them to cheat, you BOTH work on the issues that made your marriage so unworkable. Anybody believe that cheating happens in a vacuum?


So if I feel that cheating is bad, and not cheating is good, then I'm allowing little growth in the relationship? 

I never said the BS was blameless for the state of the marriage, I said the BS is blameless for the choice to cheat instead of leaving the marriage honestly.

I don't want a slave, but I also don't want a partner that's blowing smoke up my buttocks while they continue to cheat because I'm foolish enough to let them continue to believe they cheated because of the direction I put the toilet paper on the roll. I'd expect them to be really honest with themselves and me to consider R, not for them to continue the blame shifting.

You are saying that bad marriages are why people cheat. I don't agree, I think poor character is why people cheat.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

russell28 said:


> So if I feel that cheating is bad, and not cheating is good, then I'm allowing little growth in the relationship?
> 
> I never said the BS was blameless for the state of the marriage, I said the BS is blameless for the choice to cheat instead of leaving the marriage honestly.
> 
> ...


*
*

Absolutely true. People through many years of marriage have ups and downs and that's natural. Good marriages and responsible people turn toward one another and communicate to fix it. If it's become too big a gap then you leave. 

Irresponsible and selfish people turn towards others outside their marriage when things go bad. You can't fix marriage problems by having a third party get involved. And when one spouse does this it's 100% on them and no one else. Anyone who says an affair can fix a marriage is lying to themselves.

As far as what did I do? I married a distressed damsel and thought, through love, I could save her and was wrong.

Ohh and apparently didn't put the toilet paper on the holder correctly


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

Thread locked. Multiple complaints from both BSs and WSs. While some of the postings could be seen as helpful too many are making light of the subject matter. Far too many, in fact, to clean up the thread. The thread will be deleted later today.


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