# So after 6 months..the wife is ready to try again. Need advice



## Mr Pink (Sep 26, 2012)

So this is actually pretty embarrassing now that I am typing this, but figure its necessary. Little bit of back ground, me and the W havent had sex in over 6 months, and our sex life before that was pretty tame to say the least. I feel we have been working on other aspects of our lives and it has gotten better, so she told me the other day that once our new bedroom set comes, we can 'christen' it and she even mentioned starting this couples technique that she saw on this show called 7 days of sex, where struggling couples...you guessed it...have sex for 7 straight days. 

Here is how I look at it. These 7 days are basically the make or break it for us. If I dont impress her in these 7 days, she will prob never want to have sex with me again. I know every woman is different....but I need some tips here! Its been quite a while since we've had great sex, so honestly I have no clue what she likes. I look at it as I am having sex with her for the first time, so what do ladies like or dont like from the first encounter? If you were in her situation, what would you like each of these 7 days to shape out to look like? Over the top romance and made to be a big deal or low key?

Couple of facts about her 
- She is reading 50 shades of grey for the 3rd time, but before you ask no she doesnt like to be dominated (or hasnt in the past and that would prob be wierd to go from no sex in 6 months to straight domination)

- Me and her cousin recently got her into toys for her first time (shes almost 30), and Ive noticed her toy usage has gone up dramatically, from once a week to now almost 2-3 times a day....is this normal? Not to be graphic, but when I first discovered masturbation in my early years, it was a lot so not sure if this is similar

So any suggestions are welcome..I basically have a 7 day audition that will decide the rest of our marriage.


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

It's not an audition. To reignite passion, focus on INTIMACY, not performance. This isn't purely physical. Take your time. Slow and sexy wins the race. 

Set the mood early on. Tell her you can't wait for tonight. Describe something you will do to her - not the whole act just something like "I can't wait to lick your _____." Or "Thinking of you tonight is giving me a raging hard on". Send her a few sexy text messages. Ask her if she's ready for you yet (mid-day). 

Maybe just try tying her up for the oral. Use a soft fuzzy bathrobe tie or get some wide satin ribbon at the local fabric store. If you can't get her there with oral, remember she's been using toys a lot and sometimes they have a numbing effect. Don't feel bad if you need that for backup. Tease her a lot. After the O, TAKE HER. You don't have to be 50 shades to just be a little demanding and slightly rough. 

Another day, lay out a pretty nightgown on the bed that morning and tell her you want her in by 10pm. Another night draw a bath, open a bottle of wine and bathe her with a sexy smelling body wash paying special attention to the sensitive areas. If your tub is big enough get it with her and bathe each other. 

Some nights 'vanilla' is great sex. don't feel like you have to perform. Again, it isn't an audition for the rest of your marriage. It's about RECONNECTING. Discover her.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

I suggest you change your vocabulary. The word "audition" doesn't sound very hot to me. It sounds like pressure and stress. Focus on connecting, sensations, love and intimacy.


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## Mr Pink (Sep 26, 2012)

Mavash. said:


> I suggest you change your vocabulary. The word "audition" doesn't sound very hot to me. It sounds like pressure and stress. Focus on connecting, sensations, love and intimacy.


No I dont like that word either, just conveying what it feels like. But of course I didnt say that to her.


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## Mr Pink (Sep 26, 2012)

EnjoliWoman said:


> It's not an audition. To reignite passion, focus on INTIMACY, not performance. This isn't purely physical. Take your time. Slow and sexy wins the race.
> 
> Set the mood early on. Tell her you can't wait for tonight. Describe something you will do to her - not the whole act just something like "I can't wait to lick your _____." Or "Thinking of you tonight is giving me a raging hard on". Send her a few sexy text messages. Ask her if she's ready for you yet (mid-day).
> 
> ...


I do believe its about reconnecting, and the fact that she has brought it up to me is actually quite exciting. I wasnt sure if it was a combo of her becoming more sexual with the increased use of her toys of if the MAP ive been running is actually working. Maybe its a combo of both. Shes never let me tie her up in the past and toys have never been an option either so this should be interesting. I wasnt lying when I said our sex life before our problems was pretty plain.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Dude, don't ask the deer for hunting tips.

Now, as for being dominated....never listen to her words. Only her actions. The women who scream the loudest that they could never be submissive are the most submissive of all. She's reading 50 shades for the 3rd time? Are you dense or something???? She wants you to be a take charge guy. She wants you to be passionate. Not romantic. Passionate. She wants you to push her up against the wall and take her. 3 times!!! She's practically screaming at you to dominate her.

Romance  She's fantasizing about your hand turning her butt red and you're thinking about candlelight and jazz. Before this 7 day thing, go to amazon and look up the "under the bed restraint system". Surprise her. Don't back down or chicken out in the middle of it. If you get a serious rebuke (like a very firm NO and a slap to the face) then I'll paypal you $100. No way will I have to pay that out.


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## Mr Pink (Sep 26, 2012)

WorkingOnMe said:


> Dude, don't ask the deer for hunting tips.
> 
> Now, as for being dominated....never listen to her words. Only her actions. The women who scream the loudest that they could never be submissive are the most submissive of all. She's reading 50 shades for the 3rd time? Are you dense or something???? She wants you to be a take charge guy. She wants you to be passionate. Not romantic. Passionate. She wants you to push her up against the wall and take her. 3 times!!! She's practically screaming at you to dominate her.
> 
> Romance  She's fantasizing about your hand turning her butt red and you're thinking about candlelight and jazz. Before this 7 day thing, go to amazon and look up the "under the bed restraint system". Surprise her. Don't back down or chicken out in the middle of it. If you get a serious rebuke (like a very firm NO and a slap to the face) then I'll paypal you $100. No way will I have to pay that out.


You talkin about the one by Sportsheets? Im not gonna lie, the thought of surprising her with this scares me for two reasons...one we have never had that type of sex life. I jokingly put her in handcuffs on like our 3rd date 10 years ago and she hated it and couldnt wait to get out of them (granted that was 10 years ago), and second, if we havent had sex for 6 months isnt that something we should ease back into rather than just bust straight out with something like that. I guess the question is, would you use that on a first date? Because thats almost what it feels like here.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

First, you're talking about 7 days in a row. So this is maybe day 3 or 4. But you have to set the right mood and atmosphere by being aggressive on the first date. Remind her that you're a man and that you have testosterone flowing through your veins! Don't tell her, show her.


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## Mr Pink (Sep 26, 2012)

WorkingOnMe said:


> First, you're talking about 7 days in a row. So this is maybe day 3 or 4. But you have to set the right mood and atmosphere by being aggressive on the first date. Remind her that you're a man and that you have testosterone flowing through your veins!



Very true. I do try to pay attention to her actions as opposed to her words. For example I will pick her up and sit her on the counter in our kitchen and she complains that THAT is even too rough when i pick her up, yet she will read 50 shades 18 times.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Since the 7 day thing was HER idea, I'm thinking that you need to let HER take the lead! At least for the first time. She evidently has something in her mind that she is hoping to have happen.

I have always wanted to do this as well, it sounds very sexy to me! Please post after the 7 days and let us know how it went!


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## Complexities (Oct 25, 2012)

3Xnocharm said:


> Since the 7 day thing was HER idea, I'm thinking that you need to let HER take the lead! At least for the first time. She evidently has something in her mind that she is hoping to have happen.
> 
> I have always wanted to do this as well, it sounds very sexy to me! Please post after the 7 days and let us know how it went!


Im not totally sure she will want to take the lead. Some women, including me would want to be ravished and not have to take the lead for the first couple of nights...i dunno, consider what your wife is like and either let her or have a plan


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## Mr Pink (Sep 26, 2012)

She is definitely not a take the lead kind of girl from what I can tell, but see here is where my confusion lies. I know she wants me to be the man and take the lead, but in the past she has always been very resistant and shy about many things (which are a few reasons for our tame sex life). Its hard to decipher what she says, compared to what she does, compared to what she wants. Normally I wouldnt stress about this situation and just go with the flow, but I really do feel that I have 7 days to show her that we can make this marriage work physically, so I want to make sure its done right


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## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

Mr Pink said:


> You talkin about the one by Sportsheets? Im not gonna lie, the thought of surprising her with this scares me for two reasons...one we have never had that type of sex life. I jokingly put her in handcuffs on like our 3rd date 10 years ago and she hated it and couldnt wait to get out of them (granted that was 10 years ago), and second, if we havent had sex for 6 months isnt that something we should ease back into rather than just bust straight out with something like that. I guess the question is, would you use that on a first date? Because thats almost what it feels like here.


Take action and then read her reaction. For example, grab her wrists and hold them at some point. See how she reacts. When she reacts positively (as I suspect she will), then move to the next level.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Did you watch the 7 Days of Sex show yourself? If not, you should. Or watch it together and discuss it. That shows focuses on more than just the sex, there are other issues with each marriage on that show.

Also, have you read 50 Shades of Gray yourself? If not, you should, and be open about it. Tell her you want to know why it is such a good book and invite her to discuss it with you.

If you want to know more about your wife, start asking a lot of questions and try to stop being worried or insecure about things. I know you said it has been 6 months so yes, it is understandable that you feel this is an audition. But a few good discussions with her might clear a lot of that up.

Also, why wait for the new bed? Start some kissing tonight!


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## Pinkme (Oct 15, 2012)

WorkingOnMe said:


> Dude, don't ask the deer for hunting tips.
> 
> Now, as for being dominated....never listen to her words. Only her actions. The women who scream the loudest that they could never be submissive are the most submissive of all. She's reading 50 shades for the 3rd time? Are you dense or something???? She wants you to be a take charge guy. She wants you to be passionate. Not romantic. Passionate. She wants you to push her up against the wall and take her. 3 times!!! She's practically screaming at you to dominate her.
> 
> Romance  She's fantasizing about your hand turning her butt red and you're thinking about candlelight..


:iagree:

YES, YES and YES!!!!! :smthumbup: I couldnt agree more. This is what I wanted and difnt know how to tell DH. Through MC we were able to open up and I was able to tell him exactly what I want.

Also., make sure you are emotionaly conected. Hold her touch her talk to her run your fingers through her hair.. Dont go straight for the sweetest spot. Touch and lick around the sweet spot. 

Check out Jason Julius he has some amazing O tips and how to please a women orally. He has done wonders for our sex life.


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## Mr Pink (Sep 26, 2012)

So I got the restraints. In the interest of time I got them locally rather than online...much cheaper online FYI. So I figure depending on how the first few days go, I can bust these out around day 4. IVE NEVER DONE THIS BEFORE so it will be awkward as hell. I know I need to be confident and assertive, but any advice on particular methods that are better than others of actually getting her into the restraints?


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

I'm going to tell you Mr. Pink, and you can confirm this looking at the old threads started by me, I was in a very similar situation. Here's what I did. First, in the missionary position I took hold of her wrists, careful not to put my weight on them, and held them over head. I tried to do this with an assertive "I'm in charge" attitude, at least in my head (and I think it came out in my posture and movements).

Now I'm a little shy, so I never said anything about it. But it was pretty clear that she was really getting off on it.You could tell by her reactions. So the next day I sent her a text. I said "I'm thinking you like what I did last night didn't you". She replied with an OMG Yes. So the next time, I did it again, and upped the aggressiveness just a little. Not too much (I've tried that too and she didn't like it). After that, I copied a link to the restraint system and texted it to her. Then I just texted "I just ordered this". And not another word. She texted back, "OMG" with a smiley face. When it came in, I installed it. So the next time we were having sex I said I want to try something and dug the cuffs out from under the mattress. She knew it was coming so it wasn't a surprise.

Now she asks for them all the time. Do you have a toy? It's fun to bind her wrists and "torture" her with a magic wand.


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## Mr Pink (Sep 26, 2012)

I am debating on if I should 'use' 3-4 days of build up to get her into the cuffs. At first I think yes because we have never done anything like that, but on the other hand with her reading 50 shades like crazy it seems she would be ready to dive right in. I know I would need to feel it out, just wondering other peoples first times with these. 

She just got toys, for the first time ever. I knwo she uses them, but she isnt comfortable enough showing me or letting me use them on her...yet.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Um, if she's tied up she can't really stop you. That's the point. When it's not her decision, it frees her. It's easier to let yourself go when you don't have to admit that it's your choice.


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## FalconKing (Aug 8, 2012)

I agree with WorkingOnMe. This is for all men. Those erotic stories that a woman reads? Read them yourself. And it will give you an idea of what intrigues her. But don't let her know you are reading it. Women don't want to have any control of how a man turns them on or gets them off. I don't mean just take her whenever you want. I mean, she doesn't want to tell you what arouses her because she loses the fantasy. Check out the crap in the book and troubleshoot and modify(if you can) for you use.


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## Mr Pink (Sep 26, 2012)

FalconKing said:


> I agree with WorkingOnMe. And i'll tell you something else i've seen recommended often for men trying to ignite passion in their lives. Those erotic stories that she reads? Read them yourself. And it will give you an idea of what intrigues her. But don't let her know you are reading it. Women don't want to have any control of how a man turns them on or gets them off. I don't mean just take her whenever you want. I mean, she doesn't want to tell you what arouses her because she loses the fantasy. Check out the crap in the book and troubleshoot and modify(if you can) for you use.


This is totally it but I cant bring myself to read those 3 books. She has told me in the past 'if I have to tell you what I like then I wont like it anymore' which basically means I need to be a mind reader. So its either feast or famine on this one


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## FalconKing (Aug 8, 2012)

Mr Pink said:


> This is totally it but I cant bring myself to read those 3 books. She has told me in the past 'if I have to tell you what I like then I wont like it anymore' which basically means I need to be a mind reader. So its either feast or famine on this one


Believe me. You will when you are desperate enough to save this marriage and the passion of this relationship. Haha you will read your ass off then


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## Madman1 (Oct 24, 2012)

This should become a week long national holiday!


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## humanbecoming (Mar 14, 2012)

Dude... You haven't had sex in 6 months, and she's getting thank you post cards from Duracell...

There are bigger issues here than your 7 day thing....


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Wtf is with this... Dont ask deer for hunting tips thing?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Lol. You know you ladies don't really know what turns you on. Maybe you do. But most don't. They think they do, and when their man does what he's told will work they just get turned off. Best to get hunting tips from successful hunters I think.


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## FalconKing (Aug 8, 2012)

WorkingOnMe said:


> Lol. You know you ladies don't really know what turns you on. Maybe you do. But most don't. They think they do, and when their man does what he's told will work they just get turned off. Best to get hunting tips from successful hunters I think.


I think a lot of women will tell you what they like and appreciate. But that's not the same thing as what makes them horny. Men confuse the two. And a lot of women don't want to tell you specifically what gets them going because it ruins the fantasy and maybe gives some insecurity to the relationship. It's like, "How can I trust you are the man for me when I have tell you what you need to do to turn me on?"


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Yes exactly. And deer don't want to tell you how to successfully hunt either.


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

That would be like women saying men dont really know what turns them on and its best to get advice from other women when it comes to men.... I dont think its a matter of not knowing.. I believe they do know... I think its more a matter of... "Hmm how can I avoid sex today..." Or.. "Hmm he ticked me off so ill make up something as an excuse to punish him and string him along..." And when it fails..... I think they are either impressed the man caught on or ashamed and try to make it up by excluding any bullcrap games.

Of course thats just my opinion....after all women are told that in order to keep a man interested and wanting it... They have to make them earn it by making them work for it or chase it by playing cat and mouse. At least thats what this woman grew up hearing.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Ooh I get what your saying now working.. Lol
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## FalconKing (Aug 8, 2012)

Gaia said:


> That would be like women saying men dont really know what turns them on and its best to get advice from other women when it comes to men.... I dont think its a matter of not knowing.. I believe they do know... I think its more a matter of... "Hmm how can I avoid sex today..." Or.. "Hmm he ticked me off so ill make up something as an excuse to punish him and string him along..." And when it fails..... I think they are either impressed the man caught on or ashamed and try to make it up by excluding any bullcrap games.
> 
> Of course thats just my opinion....after all women are told that in order to keep a man interested and wanting it... They have to make them earn it by making them work for it or chase it by playing cat and mouse. At least thats what this woman grew up hearing.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Gaia I think some women do indeed do that. I can't disagree with you there. It just sounds like another example of a sh!t test. A really stupid and frustrating one. 

Have you ever heard of this site called hookingupsmart.com?

I think you might like it. Based on your posts I think you might agree with many things on it.


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

No... Never heard of it. I'll take a look at it I suppose but ill wait on that until gate comes home.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## FalconKing (Aug 8, 2012)

Gaia said:


> No... Never heard of it. I'll take a look at it I suppose but ill wait on that until gate comes home.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It's cool. It's not anything bad though. It's this lady that calls out other women on self depreciating behavior. But she always comes from an objective standpoint and never attacks people, just behavior. It just kind of reminds me of the way you post.


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Hmm now you've definately peaked my interest.  I probably would like it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## catcalls (Oct 31, 2012)

why is the imperative on you to please her, read her mind and ravish her? what has she done to deserve all this? you need to tell her that you are looking forward to seeing what she has in store for you. after depriving you for 6 months, you want to see what goods she can come up with. 

you need to get out of this mode of pleasing her and satisfying her. if you are talking in alpha/beta terms, the very fact that you are thinking all about her pleasure means you are beta to her and therefore automatically unattractive.

this should be a mutually satisfying activity. why did you agree to 6 months of no sex or was it just imposed on you. if so, you should be angry with this woman for manipulating you and you should tell her you want sex all the time and good sex at that. you wont be pandering to her 7 days fantasy. because that is what it is. she has decided she is a princess and special and you need to step up to the plate

seriously, the elephant in the room is that she is witholding sex and mistreating you. you need to stand up and tell her you wont be taking part in her games and that you are angry with her behaviour till now. so she should make it up to you and you can then discuss in a mature fashion what is wrong with your sex life. if she wants certain things from you, then she should communicate it and no say that you should read her mind. again that is her feeling of entitlement. 

stop this bull**** and tell her to buck up and be ready to talk to you as an adult.

i say all this as a woman and think she is demeaning you.


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## Created2Write (Aug 25, 2011)

Mr. Pink...dominate.  It's all I have to say. Just dominate. It's hot, it's sexy, and it shows(more than anything else in the bedroom) that you want HER. You don't just want sex. You can get that from any woman. You want HER. Romance and sweet love making is great, and it has its place as well. But to help adjust a relationship a woman wants to know her man is all about HER. She wants to know that his fantasy is HER. 

That's my thing. I know my husband has a dream that we'll do anal someday. But nothing works me up more than seeing and feeling that, even without anal, his fantasy is ME. No matter what act or position, as long as it's me he wants, and as long as that's what he conveys, I'm good. 

Why does that do it for me? Because it shows that my man knows what he wants, and he goes after it. It shows his strength, his resolve, his confidence...in essence, his masculinity. BAM! Horny. 

So, dominate.


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