# Partner cheated



## Mes_24 (Jul 5, 2015)

Hello everyone 

I found out through Facebook that my partner of two years (we are not married) cheated on me for three months with a girl he met whilst flying back from a business trip. 

The girl apparently had no idea he was in a relationship and told me that he said he was single and had been for a while. The strangest thing of all is he never slept with her, she has strong religious beliefs and said she would not have sex outside of wedlock. I have seen all their message exchanges where he is telling her "she is the woman of his dreams" how much he loves her and wants to marry her! He proposed to her several time in three months- she told me she declined each time as she felt it was too soon and he was really intense. 

I don't understand why he did this - I gave him every thing he wants and needs and he wasn't getting anything from her. He has never proposed to me in two years yet he could propose to her several times in three months. 

I don't know what to do. Do I forgive him as in his eyes he never really 'cheated' because they never had sex. Or do I leave him. He said he was confused and didn't know what to do. 

Please advise.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

I would leave him. He does not seem very stable.


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

Oh he definitely cheated and would have slept with her without thought for you if she had agreed - so do not doubt that!

But more importantly, you should focus on why you would want to be with this type of disrespectful, lying, cheating [email protected] at all ?

Not only does he not love you, but he also disrespects you and is using you to perhaps fill some of his needs until he finds the next girl he fancies.

Get your ducks in a row and drop him - and then thank your lucky stars that you found out what he is this soon.


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## anonfrank (Apr 18, 2013)

I'd be saying "buh-bye"! In a hurry. Normal for you to feel hurt in this situation, his behavior indicates he doesn't respect you. Time to move on...


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## kristin2349 (Sep 12, 2013)

jld said:


> I would leave him. He does not seem very stable.


I agree with JLD he doesn't seem stable at all. He's probably really intrigued by the idea of getting this woman to give up her virginity to him or something odd given the way he is pursuing her. Who proposes to someone like that? You have been disrespected in a major way. There is no saving this "relationship" he is a toxic person, run.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Mes_24 said:


> Hello everyone
> 
> I found out through Facebook that my partner of two years (we are not married) cheated on me for three months with a girl he met whilst flying back from a business trip.
> 
> ...


Your boyfriend could be the type who needs constant challenge. This would explain why women who, to you or me, may come across as rude are considered "sassy" and desireable by various men.

Believe me I could not understand why my future husband would rather treat someone else more like a girlfriend when all I could see in the messaging was someone who was rude and sometimes cruel to him. The lesson that I took from that was that men need some sassiness, challenge, whatever. 

But it's also a balance. How sassy do you feel like being to up your game and how much is this guy or anyone else worth it.

In your immediate situation, if your bf isn't remoseful / apologising and being transparent (ie, you can search his phone/ facebook / e-mails / etc. , then this will be a good time to move one; think about what you could have done differently including interpreting the red flags you may have chosen to ignore.


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## Mes_24 (Jul 5, 2015)

I think did he use me for sex and was his intention to marry this other girl all along. The messages he sent her were so intense he said she was his soul mate and how he wanted to introduce her to his parents ... He spent weekends with her taking her everywhere and he wasn't getting anything from her. I gave him every thing and he never treated me like that


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Really sorry that you are here. Your partner has no respect for you. It is irrelevant that he did not sleep with her - wasn't his choice, he has engaged in an emotional affair and has crossed the line. Why can he ask a girl he knows for three months to marry him and not you. Obviously he has no intention of making a deep commitment to you. Consider this and get out of this relationship, he will probably do it again.


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

I am sorry so for what you are going through. I agree with the other posters that you need to move on. You deserve better.


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## RWB (Feb 6, 2010)

... like a Hot Potato. At this juncture, be thankful you got to see the real "Him" before you were married and worse had kids.


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## Mes_24 (Jul 5, 2015)

Thank you so much everyone for responding 

The stupid person in me that is dominating my thoughts believes that if this girl was so perfect then why didn't he leave me for her. Why did he continue to be with me. If she was his soul mate surely he would have left me as soon as he met her 

I know he had no respect for me doing this p. I wish they had slept together it wouldn't hurt as bad the fact that they shared something deeper makes it so painful


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## workindad (May 7, 2011)

Dump the chump.

You don't need his crap.

He continued with you to keep his plan B in place and to keep getting laid.

Sorry to be that blunt. He seems a little off to be proposing 3 times in a few months.

He has given you a very good look at what your future with him will be like. This is no way to live your life. There are plenty of quality guys who will not treat you and your relationship like worthless garbage. Unfortunately, the guy you are with now will.

Good luck
WD


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

I'm sorry for what happened, but the obvious thing to do is to leave him in the dust with absolutely no method of getting in touch with you. Block his number, block him immediately on FB and any other social media. Get on with your life and heal for your next relationship.

There are plenty of men out there that won't behave this way. Better you found what he was like sooner rather than later.

Plenty more fish in the sea, so go for a nice swim. You'll be ok, all the best.


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## scatty (Mar 15, 2013)

Next him, many other guys can best him!


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Satya said:


> I'm sorry for what happened, but the obvious thing to do is to leave him in the dust with absolutely no method of getting in touch with you. Block his number, block him immediately on FB and any other social media. Get on with your life and heal for your next relationship.
> 
> There are plenty of men out there that won't behave this way. Better you found what he was like sooner rather than later.
> 
> Plenty more fish in the sea, so go for a nice swim. You'll be ok, all the best.


yeah, here's how to do it:

http://www.nytimes.com/2015/06/26/f...sting-the-ultimate-silent-treatment.html?_r=0


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## NoChoice (Feb 12, 2012)

OP,
From the scant amount of information you have given my first thought is that he is using you as a stop gap, a holdover, until his real dream girl comes along. You questioned why he did not leave you for her, it was because she turned him down. Had she accepted any one of his three proposals do you not think he would have left you? He remains with you simply because he gets what he wants, without any encumbrances. He is not willing to risk losing his sure thing over the possibility of a positive outcome when he realizes it would more likely be turn down number 4.

You should consider that you deserve better than to be someone's fall back plan. To find someone with whom you have a real future. If you are honorable and have integrity then you most certainly deserve a real "partner" who reciprocates those traits. They are out there but you must be rather selective and patient in your search. It would be worth it however, to find that man, your Mr. Right. I wish you good fortune in whatever path you choose.


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## Hardtohandle (Jan 10, 2013)

Mes_24 said:


> I wish they had slept together it wouldn't hurt as bad the fact that they shared something deeper makes it so painful


Let me tell you it would hurt more if he fvcked her.. Its comparing almost getting shot to getting shot.. I personally have been through both with my Ex wife and I can tell the time she got caught after cheating ( the last time btw ) hurt much, much, much more than the 3 times before when I caught her before she cheated.. TONS more.. 

You have nothing with this man, move the fvck on.. Fvck a few of his friends on the way out and move on.. 

But sadly I feel you will not.. 

Sadly I feel you will forgive him and waste your life with him. Heck you will NOW probably be married within the year.. 

Please tell your parents or someone that has physical contact with you to slap the sh!t out of you to wake you the fvck up..

Dear, you are a woman.. YOU can walk into any place with men and just announce I need a date. You my dear will have a line of men single, married, divorced to pick from.. 

You are a woman and you have this magical power that men do not..

For some reason you seem to forgot you have it.. 

If you met a guy who said to you, look I don't want a relationship but I have thursday night free.. Do you want to be my thursday night.. 

As cold and callous as it might sound, at least its honest and would be 1000% better than what you have now with this d0uchebag.. At least you would know your place in that "relationship" because you surely do not here.

I get your all hung up about the marriage thing.. Again trust me there are men that will marry you.. Don't be so hung up on this little D0uche..

You are looking to get a validation out of him now.. Now you feel you need to have him want to marry you.. The more time you have away from this, the more you will see how crazy he is.. 

Again I married someone after 3 months.. It was crazy and retarded.. it lasted a year.. I don't even think about it unless I'm on TAM posting to be honest..

But again I feel all this sh!t is going in one ear and out the other..

Good luck and keep posting in this SAME thread.. No matter what changes.. Just makes it easy for others to follow along and respond knowing the background story.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Originally Posted by Mes_24 View Post


> I wish they had slept together it wouldn't hurt as bad the fact that they shared something deeper makes it so painful


This is the way some women think. That is, that this woman was able to get so much attention from man without having to put out.

At lest, if Mes_24's partner's affair partner "had" to give it up for all of that attention, then maybe it would be a level playing field.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Mes_24 said:


> Hello everyone
> 
> I found out through Facebook that my partner of two years (we are not married) cheated on me for three months with a girl he met whilst flying back from a business trip.
> 
> ...


Oh, please! "He didn't know what to do?"

I'd argue that he knew exactly what he should do. And then did the exact opposite!

You need better than him. In fact, you deserve better than him!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## workindad (May 7, 2011)

MattMatt said:


> Oh, please! "He didn't know what to do?"
> 
> I'd argue that he knew exactly what he should do. And then did the exact opposite!
> 
> ...


Absolutely agree


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

Mes_24 said:


> I have seen all their message exchanges where he is telling her "she is the woman of his dreams" how much he loves her and wants to marry her! He proposed to her several time in three months- she told me she declined each time as she felt it was too soon and he was really intense.
> 
> I don't understand why he did this


Why did he do this? To get into her pants. Don't be naive about this. If you didn't find out he would have eventually slept with her (before getting "married") and would have continued until she started pushing him (or she found about you).


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

All you are to him is a safety blanket and a way for him to not be lonely while he looks for someone he actually wants to be with.

Sorry about that.


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## life_huppens (Jun 3, 2015)

Just dump him. Stop spending time and energy on him. He used you in every way he could. Do not think about it. Count it as a blessing that you able to find this out sooner rather then latter. Dump him and never look back, DO NOT take him back.


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## Peony55555 (Nov 4, 2012)

People say "he was using you" but it really has nothing to do with you. (Guess how I know this)


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