# Daughter got a DUI, among other things.



## Enigma426

Last night my wife and I got a call we'd hoped we'd never hear. Our 21 year old daughter was arrested for DUI around 1 AM. Not only was she driving drunk but she barely missed hitting a pedestrian and ran into a stop sign!

She also resisted arrest and was even tasered! She had a high BAC.

The guy as far as I know is okay just some scrapes and bruises from falling down. 

Now our daughter is in hot water and called us crying asking us to bail her out. Luckily my wife and I are in complete agreement that if she were to get arrested for any reason she needs to face the consequences.

She gets arraigned monday and she faces some serious charges.

My wife and I are distraught over this. Now we know that she's no angel but it still hurts seeing your child facing possible prison time 

She was in college wanting to be a clinical psychologist, looks like she'll have to put that on hold now.

Anyone else dealt with their child being in jail/prison? If so, what are some ways to cope? We already told her we do not condone what she did and she does not have our support for it, but we still love her and just want her to take responsibility.


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## Garro

Really sorry to hear all that. But for her crimes she deserves to face the same consequences as any man would. No get out of jail free card just because she's a woman. 

Hope things work out.


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## wilderness

Personally I think you are being WAY too harsh. She's not the first 21 year old to drink too much and do something stupid. (or 31 yr old, 41 yr old, etc) She really needs your help right now. I would bail her out and try to help her. If her drinking becomes a lifelong problem, that is different.

They will probably offer her a plea and it's something she will have to consider. Will you be a father to her and help her in her time of need?


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## Enigma426

wilderness said:


> Personally I think you are being WAY too harsh. She's not the first 21 year old to drink too much and do something stupid. (or 31 yr old, 41 yr old, etc) She really needs your help right now. I would bail her out and try to help her. If her drinking becomes a lifelong problem, that is different.
> 
> They will probably offer her a plea and it's something she will have to consider. Will you be a father to her and help her in her time of need?


I get what you are saying, and had it JUST been a DUI I would agree. However, she almost hit a man (which could have killed/seriously injure him), hit a stop sign and resisted arrest to the point of needing to be tased, all while drunk as a skunk. This goes beyond just "doing something stupid". Not that I want her to be in jail/prison but to bail her out and act all "Oh I'm so sorry sweetie your my angel" about it (as you see so many other parents act) would only be legitimizing what she has done and she won't learn anything.


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## JustHer

Enigma, so sorry to hear about this. I do know how difficult it is to watch you child make poor choices and end up on the wrong side of the law.

I do not agree with Wilderness. You need to let her understand the consequeses to her choices. If she doesn't learn it now, she could end up killing someone next time. Better to try to avoid that if she can learn now.

Also, you said "she is no angel" and "Luckily my wife and I are in complete agreement that* if she were to *get arrested for any reason she needs to face the consequences."

If I read that right, it tells me that she has been giving you concern for a while and hasn't learned her lesson yet. Things either get better or worse, but rarely stay the same. Unfortunatly, the seem to have gotten worse.

I wish I had words that would bring you comfort. It is a lonely feeling to go through what you are about to. Some parents may feel as if they have failed. Unfortunatley our children have their own agency and ability to make choices we don't aprove of, we taught them better, and they know better- yet they do it anyway.

There is a reason why they call it "tough love". It is because it is tough on the parents. Support each other, be there for each other. Let your daughter know that you love her, but there is really nothing you can do for her as this was her choice.

Consequenses are a hard thing for parents to watch sometimes.


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## wilderness

The only problem is, how do you even know that the tasering was justified? My experience with police is very negative. I certainly wouldn't put it past police to assault your daughter over something minor or even imagined. At least get her side of the story...
Something doesn't add up. Most people when wasted do not resist arrest after getting into a dui accident. My first thought when I hear stories like this is that the cops probably assaulted her.


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## Enigma426

She's had alcohol problems in the past. We've caught her with alcohol quite a few times when she was underage. Not only that, but she's one of those "mean drunks". Cursing, yelling, etc. etc. 

So I have little doubt the cop was justified in tasering her. 

Oh, and thanks JustHer. That's how me and my wife feel. We have two other children. A daughter - 18 and a son that is 15. Even despite the normal teenage issues they haven't been near as much trouble or rebellious as our oldest (what is it with the oldest sibling being the most troublesome?). 

We aren't perfect parents, but we do make our children work for what they have and do our best. Sadly, even when you do that it's not always enough. We've always came down hard on her for drinking and being rebellious.


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## 827Aug

Sorry you and your family are going through this. You and your wife are doing the right thing. She really needs to get help before she does kill someone. Hopefully part of her sentence will require some type of treatment program. Maybe this experience will help her acknowledge her problem.


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## wilderness

Enigma426 said:


> She's had alcohol problems in the past. We've caught her with alcohol quite a few times when she was underage. Not only that, but she's one of those "mean drunks". Cursing, yelling, etc. etc.
> 
> So I have little doubt the cop was justified in tasering her.
> 
> Oh, and thanks JustHer. That's how me and my wife feel. We have two other children. A daughter - 18 and a son that is 15. Even despite the normal teenage issues they haven't been near as much trouble or rebellious as our oldest (what is it with the oldest sibling being the most troublesome?).
> 
> We aren't perfect parents, but we do make our children work for what they have and do our best. Sadly, even when you do that it's not always enough. We've always came down hard on her for drinking and being rebellious.


Oh, man, I'm so sorry. I wrongly assumed this was an isolated type incident. This is a tough one. I hope things improve.


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## F-102

There's another poster here whose daughter was "wrongfully" arrested and the "victim" of police brutality. The poor little helpless angel was wrestled to the ground, cuffed, and humiliated because she was wearing a short skirt and her panties were showing when it happened.

What the poster forgot to tell us was that this was her 2nd run-in with the law regarding drugs/alcohol, that she screamed every obscenity known to humans at the cop, tried to get away and then kicked him.

The OP was hysterical that nobody would agree with her and say that the cop was out of line and that her darling daughter should get a second (no, wait...THIRD) chance. She even wanted to re-mortgage the house to hire a lawyer to get her off!

Then her H came on, and like you Enigma, told us that he would NOT bail her out this time, that she was an adult and that she would have to learn the HARD way what happens to ADULTS who f*ck up.


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## F-102

P.S., don't bother looking for the thread, the OP pulled it off when she realized that she and her darling daughter were getting NO sympathy.


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## mablenc

I'm sorry you are going through this, you seem to be realistic about her and you are not playing her out as a victim which is hard sometimes not to do. Be glad she did not hit that pedestrian which is probably thanking their lucky stars right now. 

Tough love is hard but you will see it more fruitful than to bail her out, and have her repeating her behavior, injuring or killing someone and even getting killed herself. As much as it breaks your heart to see her suffer the consequences. In the future I hope she learns her lessons.

My son has autism and as a last resource, I had to show him pictures of burned victims because I can't get him to stop playing with the electric outlets. It pained me to do it as he was not comfortable looking at the pictures but I have to stop him from doing it. And make sure he understands how dangerous it is to mess with electricity. 

I wish your family good luck
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## golfergirl

Being the mother of a son who spent a week in a coma because his buddy drove him while drunk, I appreciate your stance. That 'little something stupid' his friend did almost cost my son his life. I do have to say the driver is facing this like a man. He pled guilty in court and is expected to do jail time when sentenced in July. He still struggles with alcohol but is trying. The statistics and horror stories are out there. Driving impaired isn't an oopsy, it serious sh!t. And for the record, I have never driven drunk in my life. Not everyone gambles with that.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## BrockLanders

The only thing I have a problem with is the taser. What is the point of tasering a 21 year old woman? She's not a physical threat. It sounds cowardly.

I hope your daughter will come to her senses. I had a similar situation when I was 20, it really woke me up and I did a lot of growing up afterward.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## golfergirl

And OP, I got the first call a parent never wants to receive. Your child is struggling for their life because of an impaired driver. That said, I hope your daughter uses the strength and tough love you and your wife are showing to turn her life around from this point forward.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mablenc

BrockLanders said:


> The only thing I have a problem with is the taser. What is the point of tasering a 21 year old woman? She's not a physical threat. It sounds cowardly.
> 
> I hope your daughter will come to her senses. I had a similar situation when I was 20, it really woke me up and I did a lot of growing up afterward.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


OP mentions she's a mean drunk and was not surprised by it. I think any drunk is a physical threat how do the cops know she's not armed?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## BrockLanders

mablenc said:


> OP mentions she's a mean drunk and was not surprised by it. I think any drunk is a physical threat how do the cops know she's not armed?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Seriously? She is a drunk, toss her around and cuff her. Tasers are for cowardly cops. The police are not supposed to punish, that is the job of the courts.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mablenc

BrockLanders said:


> Seriously? She is a drunk, toss her around and cuff her. Tasers are for cowardly cops. The police are not supposed to punish, that is the job of the courts.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I would think its about pubic safety, and I dont think they should taze or not taze based on gender but based on the situation. She, according to the OP resisted arrest, the police acted accordingly.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Shaggy

I think she should very much face consequences,BUT that doesn't necessarily mean via the courts since that can have long lasting financial and legal issues.

If it were my kid, I'd be thinking about something like:

1. Get her a good lawyer to get her the minimum legal penalty and record possible. See if you can get her to keep her license etc.

2. Require her to go take a counseling series about alcohol and to deal with her being a mean drunk. That underlying anger and belligerence is something she should be addressing,so trying some IC to explore why she feels like that and to have her find coping techniques.

3. No car for 6 month or a year.

4. Have her do some kind of community service, but one chosen by her and you and not the court.

See, there are still parent imposed consequences that are possible, while seeking to mnimize what goes on legally and on her record.


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## SlowlyGettingWiser

Enigma:

I'm sorry to hear this; I, too have a headstrong daughter! She's only 15yo so we'll see how she handles the older teen years!

You have A LOT OF SUPPORT from other parents here at TAM! You and your w can support your daughter through visits, letters, phone calls of love (but refusing to listen to her excuses or whining about how miserable she is in jail!) You can ask if she'd like to have her siblings visit her (she might want to see them, OR she might be too humiliated...let HER decide). 

I'm thinking YOU might consider refuse to allow her to drive your vehicles for a set period of time after she gets out of jail (1 year, 3 years, etc.) She can take public transportation OR save up for a junker and pay her own insurance. This might help her think twice about driving drunk ever again!


*Edited to add:* Have to DISAGREE with you, Shaggy! If I have read Enigma's posts correctly, SHE INJURED A MAN...she didn't hit him, but he fell down and was scraped up and injured trying to avoid being hit by her car! This is also NOT the first time she has been drunk and out of control...it's at least the THIRD TIME. Injuring someone else in her drunken state would be a DEAL-BREAKER for me as a parent!

.


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## golfergirl

I have to disagree with Shaggy as well. Consequences are legally there such as criminal record, possible jail time and no license. Courts are expensive, well lets hope she has savings, can get a loan or qualifies for legal aid. It doesn't mean her parents have to ditch her, but she does need to face the music and interfering in that doesn't help her in long run. Maybe she's an alcoholic who needs to hit her rock bottom. Obviously your life hasn't been altered due to the stupidity of an impaired driver. Because you have the vision of a cute tipsy little co-ed on spring break in mind doesn't take away the seriousness of being in 'control' of a several tonne death machine while impaired. Sometimes there are no do-overs in life, she's lucky and the man she almost hit was lucky they get one this time.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Shaggy

Do not get me wrong, I'm 100% for consequences, even harsh ones. I'm just more in favor of them coming from self and family and less from the courts.

The thing is I do not trust the courts to do the right thing, and the wrong thing can last decades and she may be suffering at 30 for a stupid thing done at 21.

For instance this on her record may prevent her from qualifying to be a driver for her kids school outings when she's 28 and wants to drive her kid and 3 others on a school outing.

Yes, what she did was incredibly bad and she should have not been behind that wheel drunk. But she didn't actually hit the guy. So don't convict her for murder, convict her for the stupid stupid choice that led to what did happen, but make sure those consequences for a stupid choice at 21 don't roll over for years and years.

Also last night just how many drunk 21 years olds got behind the wheel and didn't go to jail? Each of them is guilty of the same bad choice she made. Yet, we aren't throwing them to the wolves.

I see this as a opportunity to get her turned around and a life lesson to grow from, but I don't trust the courts to do that.


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## Shaggy

And I'll add, as a parent one of the consequences I'd be imposing , is that she wouldn't be having access to any car I control for at least 6 months, possibly a year or two depending on her attitude about all of this.

If I was paying her car insurance, that would also stop for the next year at least.

So I'm on board with consequences.


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## BrockLanders

mablenc said:


> I would think its about pubic safety, and I dont think they should taze or not taze based on gender but based on the situation. She, according to the OP resisted arrest, the police acted accordingly.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Gender absolutely matters. A woman is not going to overpower police. The cop's job is to bring her into custody, not punish her for resisting arrest.

Would you be okay with cops punching her in the face if it weren't necessary to take her into custody?


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## BrockLanders

Shaggy said:


> And I'll add, as a parent one of the consequences I'd be imposing , is that she wouldn't be having access to any car I control for at least 6 months, possibly a year or two depending on her attitude about all of this.
> 
> If I was paying her car insurance, that would also stop for the next year at least.
> 
> So I'm on board with consequences.


I would also stipulate she checks into a outpatient rehab program now. It will help her and it will look favorable to the court. Definitely no car for a while, let her take the bus. She's an adult and she lives in your home, set the rules or she's out.


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## Enigma426

Thanks for all the support everyone! This has been very difficult for all of us. 

BrockLanders, she does not live with us, she lives in an apartment. 

Also, I have to disagree with what you said about gender mattering. I've seen plenty of women, even small women do quite a bit of damage, especially when they have long nails (had a gf that scratched me real bad). A cops job is to end resistance as quickly as possible. Tasering her I believe was much more preferable to him, say, punching her or even slamming her to the ground. 

Regardless, I've known some cops and the stories they tell...

Even though the media goes crazy showing all the "bad ways" cops use tasers, the fact is they are a very good non-lethal force type weapon that ends resistence very quickly most of the time. I don't like that my daughter had to be tased, but under the circumstances I understand, especially when you're dealing with an out of control drunkard (and my daughter does go crazy when drunk, she once pushed her mother into a wall).


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## mablenc

BrockLanders said:


> Gender absolutely matters. A woman is not going to overpower police. The cop's job is to bring her into custody, not punish her for resisting arrest.
> 
> Would you be okay with cops punching her in the face if it weren't necessary to take her into custody?


You would have to take a walk in my old neighborhood if you don't think a female can over power the police.  even unarmed.
They did not punish her they tased her becuase she was risisting arrest. People need to be treated equal. If the cops would have punched anyone's face for no reason I would have a problem.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## BrockLanders

Enigma426 said:


> Thanks for all the support everyone! This has been very difficult for all of us.
> 
> BrockLanders, she does not live with us, she lives in an apartment.
> 
> Also, I have to disagree with what you said about gender mattering. I've seen plenty of women, even small women do quite a bit of damage, especially when they have long nails (had a gf that scratched me real bad). A cops job is to end resistance as quickly as possible. Tasering her I believe was much more preferable to him, say, punching her or even slamming her to the ground.
> 
> Regardless, I've known some cops and the stories they tell...
> 
> Even though the media goes crazy showing all the "bad ways" cops use tasers, the fact is they are a very good non-lethal force type weapon that ends resistence very quickly most of the time. I don't like that my daughter had to be tased, but under the circumstances I understand, especially when you're dealing with an out of control drunkard (and my daughter does go crazy when drunk, she once pushed her mother into a wall).


If a cop can't handle a woman resisting arrest he or she shouldn't be a cop.. Tasers are not as benign as you think, they kill over 500 people a year. Cops around here don't have them, even in neighboring NYC the NYPD don't have them. I've seen cops brutalize people in real life, I narrowly escaped an episode of it once. I don't give them a blank check on force.


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## deejov

I"m so sorry to read this, as a parent I can only imagine your pain at this.

Thankfully no one was seriously hurt, 

I do hope the aftermath goes smoothly. Best wishes


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## tacoma

I would have bailed her out immediately.

Trust me, she doesn't need a few days in jail to "Learn her lesson".
She'll learn from all the rightfully oppressive hoops she's going to be required to jump through for the next few years just being "In the system".this won't lead to more jail or prison if it's a first offense.
She'll lose her license for awhile and be on probabtion for awhile.

It shouldn't effect her schooling other than scheduling around court dates and probabtion requirements

I don't care what my kid does I wouldn't leave her in there for a minute longer than necessary.
It ain't pretty

Memorial day weekend too.
She'll be in there an extra day probably.
Go bail her out today while you can
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## BrockLanders

tacoma said:


> I would have bailed her out immediately.
> 
> Trust me, she doesn't need a few days in jail to "Learn her lesson".
> She'll learn from all the rightfully oppressive hoops she's going to be required to jump through for the next few years just being "In the system".this won't keas to mire jail or prison if it's a first offense.
> She'll lose her license for awhile and be on probabtion for awhile.
> 
> It shouldn't effect her schooling other than scheduling around court dates and probabtion requirements
> 
> I don't care what my kid does I wouldn't leave her in there for a minute longer than necessary.
> It ain't pretty
> 
> Memorial day weekend too.
> She'll be in there an extra day probably.
> Go bail her out today while you can
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


The OP stated this wasn't the first time alcohol was an issue, this is her wakeup call. She's a 21 year old adult, her parents aren't obligated to bail her out. OP, how much is the bail? I'm surprised she wasn't released on her own recognizance.


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## JustHer

Somehow this post has mutated away from the OP's question to discussions about the cops, tasering, gender equality, etc.

OP would like advice in how to get through this.

Not letting his daughter stay in jail, or coming up with his own consequenses isn't an issue here. Being that she is an adult, living on her own and making her own choices, she is now at the mercy of the courts, wheather we like it or not. There comes a point when the choices of an adult child, and even a minor one for that matter, can-and do-put the decision making into the laws hands and out of the parents.

OP, visit her this weekend if you can. Be firm, but suppotive. She will be very humble, being stripped and searched has a way of doing that to you. She is in jail, not prisson. Show her your love, talk with her and see where she is at. Unfortunately if she leaves jail too soon, she will forget just as fast.

Then, look into getting her a mental eval. Some of these kids who are a little more rebellious end up being diagnossed latter in life with bi-polar, borderline, or something else. If she faces jail time, she will porbably not get any counseling. I would ask her if you can meet with her appointed attorny, discuss with him how to get her into counseling.

This totaly sucks for you, and again I am really sorry.


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## BrockLanders

Wait I just reread the 1st post. She hasn't been arraigned yet, she can't be released on bail. How is she getting arraigned on Monday, which is a holiday?


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## Trojan John

I have little remorse for drunk drivers. A friend was killed just days after his graduation from uni and three others with him were seriously injured by a drunk. I cannot imagine the pain that his family and fiancée went through and I hope that I never experience it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Enigma426

BrockLanders said:


> Wait I just reread the 1st post. She hasn't been arraigned yet, she can't be released on bail. How is she getting arraigned on Monday, which is a holiday?


Doh, tuesday.


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## BrockLanders

Is her apartment near your home? If so there is a good chance that there won't be any bail. If it were me I would lend her money for a lawyer but insist it needs to be paid back. Many jurisdictions will plea down a dui to a lesser offense. That would mean the difference between a violation and a misdemeanor, the latter will go on her record.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tacoma

BrockLanders said:


> Wait I just reread the 1st post. She hasn't been arraigned yet, she can't be released on bail. How is she getting arraigned on Monday, which is a holiday?


I mentioned she'd be in there an extra day due to the holiday.

I'd get her out.


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## All of a sudden

See if she is willing to go to rehab, if so help her. If not let her face the music!


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## Anonymous07

I think you are doing the right thing by letting her stay and face the consequences of her actions. She is old enough to know better and doesn't need to be let off the hook by being bailed out. If my son got a DUI, I'd let him deal with the consequences of his actions. I had a good friend get killed last year by a drunk driver and have little sympathy for drunk drivers. I love my son, but it's never ok to do such a stupid thing. Show her that you love and care for her, by talking to her and visiting, but don't bail her out. She made a dumb decision and now it's time to face the music. Those who get bailed out tend to be repeat offenders, just as something to think about.


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## Enigma426

JustHer said:


> Somehow this post has mutated away from the OP's question to discussions about the cops, tasering, gender equality, etc.
> 
> OP would like advice in how to get through this.
> 
> Not letting his daughter stay in jail, or coming up with his own consequenses isn't an issue here. Being that she is an adult, living on her own and making her own choices, she is now at the mercy of the courts, wheather we like it or not. There comes a point when the choices of an adult child, and even a minor one for that matter, can-and do-put the decision making into the laws hands and out of the parents.
> 
> OP, visit her this weekend if you can. Be firm, but suppotive. She will be very humble, being stripped and searched has a way of doing that to you. She is in jail, not prisson. Show her your love, talk with her and see where she is at. Unfortunately if she leaves jail too soon, she will forget just as fast.
> 
> Then, look into getting her a mental eval. Some of these kids who are a little more rebellious end up being diagnossed latter in life with bi-polar, borderline, or something else. If she faces jail time, she will porbably not get any counseling. I would ask her if you can meet with her appointed attorny, discuss with him how to get her into counseling.
> 
> This totaly sucks for you, and again I am really sorry.


Thanks, great advice. But I was curious what you meant by:




> She will be very humble, being stripped and searched has a way of doing that to you.


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## JustHer

It is my understanding that as an adult they have to strip, are body searched, and given the approved clothing to wear after the booking - all while the gaurds are watching. Maybe all jails don't body search, I am not an expert. And possibly your daughter was too drunk to remember.

I have a friend who - long story - police came to her house and arrested her purposely after the bondsmen were closed so her husband couldn't post bail - and so she had to endure it. It was humiliating to no end, not to mention the complete loss of all your rights. When she talked about it years later it was still upsetting for her, and she was around 40 when this happened.


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## F-102

And don't forget, what happens when she goes to look for a job? Employers are VERY picky nowadays, and all they have to do is Google her name and her arrest record will show up.


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## oddball

Im a recovered/recovering addict. Wish my parents gave me more tough love and consequences. I also agree that you should look at whether the 'system' is going to be nest in that regard.

Let her own her choices, by being clear on your boundaries. Love her, but dont enable her.

Ive seen too many junkies/alkies loved too death by enabling parents.

step out the way. Let her own her journey.

I know thats painful as a parent.


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## Enigma426

Just wanted to give an update: 

She was arraigned today and her court date is June 7th. She is getting a public defender but we are not going to pay her 2K bail. We do plan on going to see her soon. We talked to her again today and she's holding up as best she can.

Her major complaints were: Bad food, the jail chooses your bra size and she says it doesn't fit that well and that she finds it embarrassing having to ask male guards for feminine stuff (she does ask a female guard if one is around but good majority of the people are men).

I just told her to stay strong and hope she learned something from this. She was crying saying how she still has nightmares about getting arrested, tased etc. 

Our other children have already said they won't be going to jail.

County jail sucks, but it isn't meant to be the hilton.


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## unbelievable

wilderness said:


> Personally I think you are being WAY too harsh. She's not the first 21 year old to drink too much and do something stupid. (or 31 yr old, 41 yr old, etc) She really needs your help right now. I would bail her out and try to help her. If her drinking becomes a lifelong problem, that is different.
> 
> They will probably offer her a plea and it's something she will have to consider. Will you be a father to her and help her in her time of need?


What's the difference between a drunk driver who almost kills someone and one who kills a family of five? The answer is "luck". If your children were burned alive due to some 21 year old's ignorance, would you find a couple days in the slam to be excessively harsh? There are people sitting in prison for vehicular homicide who made exactly the same choices as this young lady. Even if convicted of a first offense DUI and resisting, she won't get any serious time. She won't be killed, maimed, orphaned or widowed for the rest of her life. That's the penalty innocent people get for the "crime" of meeting a drunk driver. Might I make a suggestion? Work a few fatal or personal injury DUI crashes. Listen to the screams, smell the blood and burning flesh and see real life things that make Halloween seem like Disneyland. Search through the wreckage for body parts. Hold the grieving family members. Be the guy who gets to tell a mother their kid is never coming home. After you've done that a few years, get back with me about what's "harsh". I've seen harsh way too many times. Harsh isn't some 21 year old American princess sitting in the slam with mascara running down her cheeks, feeling sorry for herself for a few hours because she can't update her Facebook status. Drunk drivers kill and maim people every day the sun rises and only the grace of God and a little luck kept this cupcake from being one of those murderers. I hope she feels rotten. I hope she feels guilty to her very soul. I hope she's humiliated nearly to death. I hope she feels the full weight of consequences and I hope it hurts...so much that she'll go the next 80 years without ever doing it again. We don't all get second chances. If it's played right, she's got one and that'll be sufficient. Make it easier on her and you increase the odds that she'll do it again...and she or someone else end up dead. If my kid is 100 and thinks I was too harsh, that means he or she is alive. I'd rather be a harsh parent with a live kid than an understanding buddy peering over my kid's grave.


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## Anonymous07

Enigma426 said:


> Just wanted to give an update:
> 
> She was arraigned today and her court date is June 7th. She is getting a public defender but we are not going to pay her 2K bail. We do plan on going to see her soon. We talked to her again today and she's holding up as best she can.
> 
> Her major complaints were: Bad food, the jail chooses your bra size and she says it doesn't fit that well and that she finds it embarrassing having to ask male guards for feminine stuff (she does ask a female guard if one is around but good majority of the people are men).
> 
> I just told her to stay strong and hope she learned something from this. She was crying saying how she still has nightmares about getting arrested, tased etc.
> 
> Our other children have already said they won't be going to jail.
> 
> County jail sucks, but it isn't meant to be the hilton.


Well, hopefully she'll learn from this experience. I want to say again that I think you are doing the right thing and she needs to deal with the consequences of her actions. Her minor complaints are nothing compared to what she could have done with possibly killing someone. Stay strong.


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## unbelievable

An arrest can be the greatest, most loving gift of God, if one is wise enough to learn from the experience. The dead don't eat. They are food for worms. They don't worry about ill fitting bras and laying there naked on the autopsy table, they are beyond embarrassment. County jail might seem like it sucks but if this experience saves her life or someone else's, if it turns her around and helps her become a more responsible person, the visit is worth more than a thousand trips to the most expensive, exclusive spa and resort. A trip to jail has turned many young people around before it was too late. Again, it all hinges on her attitude. Every time I get to arrest someone for DUI and nobody's dead or in the hospital, every time I arrest someone who resists and nobody ends up dead or in the hospital, I thank God. This scenario could have had a far sadder ending.


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## Amplexor

Troll


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