# Facing head on at time of DD issues...will I cause more damage?



## mentallydrained (Oct 7, 2010)

I have many threads about different things going on with me and marriage in general. 

A developement that happend yesterday with my DD at school has triggered and uproared a lot of emotions within in. Yes, emotionalwreck! So, in nut shell, my DD has jealousy issues with two little friends at school. The counselor is getting involved. They say her words are far from her actions.

I believe the underlying is the change between me and H. He has always treated her older and expected her to act older. I totally opposite. So, now that she is saying mean things when her two little friends don't do what she wants or play how she wants, or include her at all. These two little girls cry at home and now the parents have come to the teacher. I'm beside myself and I feel even more like a failure in rasing her, protecting her, and just teaching her in general. I myself struggle with feeling of insecurity, the 'I have no life for self', I have no friendships or circle of friends. H and I are going two different directions. I'm 41 missing socialization and interaction and plan ol' having fun. H is 52, content with staying home, being just our 3 of us doing our thing. And he is very into church now which is another thread and story but not a same desire of mine.

So....main question....with situation of daughter, and now counseling of daughter, am I completely off balance to think now is the time I need to just lay it all out to H that I don't feel I can proceed like this? All that runs through my mind is how he says I will ruin her life if I end this marriage and how it will have to be viewed as a mistake, a 19yr mistake if I feel I need to end the marriage. All his negative critizism haunt me when I did tell him I'm not sure this is what will make me happy. I cannot find the strength to seperate myself in my marriage mentally, to work on me. I have no confidence, no self esteem, and I'm always moody, bitter, angry. When H was away 5 days at Christmas, I was a totally different person with my dd. And I felt like a new person with my head held high and able to breath.

Saying that my self talk then takes me to how heartless I sound, how selfish. We are at a cross road and now with my dd lashing out or what ever it is she is doing, I feel I'm to blame for allowing her to see me so unhappy and crying all the time. 

Do I wait even more until she gets through counseling? I feel powerless, helpless. I've always depending on a male companion to 'exsisit'. I don't want that anymore. I want to exisist for ME. ME be a reason of life.


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