# Ex rebounding with the worst possible person



## Disenchanted lover (Sep 22, 2021)

My ex cheated on me when we were at school 25 years ago. It was the same time my mother died and it has been really difficult to look back at my mother's memory and I've bottled up feelings regarding the whole sad situation. She left me 7 weeks ago and moved in with this guy 2-3 weeks later

Am I not supposed to see this as a petty act to hurt me as much as humanly possible. I think if I hadn't worked on my own growth over the past month I would have killed myself


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## ElwoodPDowd (Aug 25, 2021)

Best to just move on with your life and just stop thinking about her.
Plenty of nicer women to meet and enjoy life with.


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## Disenchanted lover (Sep 22, 2021)

That's the plan but in practice much harder. I am 40 overweight and bald. I am working on my confidence and my appearance to help. Just in the throws of it right now


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

I hate to bring this up but are you sure that her relationship with this guy was ever over. Could she have been cheating with him during your marriage.


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## ElwoodPDowd (Aug 25, 2021)

Disenchanted lover said:


> That's the plan but in practice much harder. I am 40 overweight and bald. I am working on my confidence and my appearance to help. Just in the throws of it right now


Looks like you're Australian, if it weren't for COVID I'd suggest a little holiday in Barretto (Olongapo) or Angeles City. Bald and fat is not a problem for many slim and beautiful Filipino ladies, and you will meet many of your fellow countrymen there. The pub I used to frequent in Barretto (Midnight Rambler rock and roll bar) even served Aussie meat pies for lunch.

Fat can be cured with a little determination, eat a bit less, walk, hike and cycle more. I was nearly 100Kg a few years back, now I'm down to 75-78Kg. 

At age 40 you're still a young man with the potential for a full and happy life ahead of you.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Bald or a man in line for a bad ass shaven head make over? Start walking. Get a treadmill. Eat better. You got this!


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

40 and bald is fine. 

You can lose weight and become muscular if you want. And update your wardrobe. 

Your age and hair status will not impede you.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Being bald is OK with many women.
Keep your hair very short.

Experiment with your looks.
Keep yourself well-groomed, and fix your teeth if necessary.

Try shaving your head, some men look good this way.
Of course, some look worse. 

If that is the case, keep your remaining hair at 3mm, or so.

Losing weight is a must, as is getting reasonably fit.

I agree, you are still young. 
You can start over.
See this as a blessing, not as that tragedy.
.................................................................................................

Someone mentioned getting a Philippine bride.


As far as finding a Philippina as a mate, be careful.
That culture is rife with cheating and gold digging.

If it is an Asian you seek, a Singapore lady might be a better option.

Pfft.

Or, stick with Aussie gals, many are loyal and awesome!
To say otherwise is generalizing and is nonsense.


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## ElwoodPDowd (Aug 25, 2021)

SunCMars said:


> Someone mentioned getting a Philippine bride.


Nah, I was suggesting he go there for some recreational fun to help him get over his loss and suicidal thoughts. Nothing like a bit of attractive lighthearted female company to help you get over a painful divorce and the subsequent feelings of worthlessness.

There's actually a place in Baretto where they have a bar (Cheap Charlies) staffed by 'drinky girls'. Beer for you is $1 a go, and a drink for an attractive young woman is $3, they sit and lean against you while pretending you're attractive and interesting to them. Better than therapy sessions, and a lot cheaper.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

ElwoodPDowd said:


> Nah, I was suggesting he go there for some 'no strings' recreational fun to help him get over the loss and remove his suicidal thoughts. Nothing like a bit of attractive female company to help you get over a painful divorce and the subsequent feelings of worthlessness.


Not for me..

Best wear doubled-over condoms, me thinks!


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## NTA (Mar 28, 2021)

MattMatt said:


> Bald or a man in line for a bad ass shaven head make over? Start walking. Get a treadmill. Eat better. You got this!


Bald men rule!


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

Did you two ever actually resolve the cheating issue from 25 years ago? Do you still bring this issue up? Are you truly still grieving over the loss of your mom from 25 years ago? That's a long time to not let go of hurt.

My point is your partner leaving you now in 2021 probably has no direct connection to what happened back in 1996, unless you have never let go if the past. You need to deal with the here and now, she is gone, sure it hurts but you can't dwell on it for the next 25 years or you will miss living your life. Also since the relationship is over who she is with and what she is doing isn't your business. I'm not sure how you know what she is up to but if you are following her on social media do yourself a favor and delete her from all your accounts. Keeping tabs on her will only prolong the hurt.


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

MattMatt said:


> Bald or a man in line for a bad ass shaven head make over? Start walking. Get a treadmill. Eat better. You got this!


I want to echo Matt. This is the time to focus on improving yourself. Bald? F that. Shave your head completely. Next grow out a beard. Make sure it well kept. Then hit the weights. Focus on compound lifts. If you’re going to be a big guy, might as well be a freaking beast. Go look up those strong man competition. See those guys are not to be trifled with and those guys do not have a hard time meeting women. That can be you within a year if you focus like a madman. 

Not saying to be in a contest but to just completely transform yourself. Also, work on your clothes and hygiene. Just because you’re a big guy, doesn’t mean to let the rest of you go. No dilly dallying, start today by just walking like Matt said. Then build from there. This will help get your mind off of your ex and on to your future.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

Disenchanted lover said:


> My ex cheated on me when we were at school 25 years ago. It was the same time my mother died and it has been really difficult to look back at my mother's memory and I've bottled up feelings regarding the whole sad situation. She left me 7 weeks ago and moved in with this guy 2-3 weeks later
> 
> Am I not supposed to see this as a petty act to hurt me as much as humanly possible. I think if I hadn't worked on my own growth over the past month I would have killed myself


Am I reding this right, she left you and moved in with the same guy she cheated with 25 years ago? If that's that case, sounds like it never actually ended. And moving in after 2-3 weeks mean she has been sleeping with him for quite some time already, maybe 25 years. 

This isn't insurmountable. It sounds like you are already doing some of the right things. Just move on and focus on making you a better person, for yourself.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

You would surprised how fast a clothing subscription to StickFix can make you go from barf to BANG !!

Hit the weights

Pity won’t get you anywhere. If you wait for the hard times to disappear before choosing to be happy you will be miserable forever.

Woman are awesome..... the right one is out there.


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## Arkansas (Jan 30, 2020)

Disenchanted lover said:


> She left me 7 weeks ago and moved in with this guy 2-3 weeks later


she's been working/planning on that for a while, sorry to tell you that


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## VladDracul (Jun 17, 2016)

Disenchanted lover said:


> Am I not supposed to see this as a petty act to hurt me as much as humanly possible.


She didn't do this as a petty act to hurt you Dawg. She did it because she wanted to move in with her paramour and really didn't give a rats azz if it hurt you. When a woman loses interest in a man, she doesn't care about your feelings. I know you wished she'd put that much energy in trying to get your goat and that would indicate you were still on her mind, but forget that fantasy Dawg. Its sickening to me your carping bout being a lard ass and bald. You act like she's the only woman you had corralled up enough to stay with your ass. I guess she showed you. Bald ain't enough to run the women off. Being a porky guy is. Lose the weight and get in shape. That your responsibility if youre man enough to do it.
Get that **** out of your head about committing sideways. I've heard this crap time and time again from men, normally those you can push off their own property, saying, "I can't live without my Pookie". That's a load of horse **** and you know it. All the chicks have the same plumbing, f-ing involves the same mechanical movement, so don't pretend your future ex has anything you can't find elsewhere. Don't pretend she's something special. She ain't and is probably worse in the "stand by your man and don't bang other guys". A woman, like a man, that can't be faithful ain't worth have and is easily replaceable. Go find yourself another chick and forget this ***.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Disenchanted lover said:


> My ex cheated on me when we were at school 25 years ago. It was the same time my mother died and it has been really difficult to look back at my mother's memory and I've bottled up feelings regarding the whole sad situation. She left me 7 weeks ago and moved in with this guy 2-3 weeks later
> 
> Am I not supposed to see this as a petty act to hurt me as much as humanly possible. I think if I hadn't worked on my own growth over the past month I would have killed myself


No, you're not. It's way too much trouble to go to just to hurt you. I imagine she's at least partway past the point of caring what you think of her actions at this point, which is the eventual goal of a breakup -- to reach the point where you no longer care about the ex's thoughts or are paranoid what they think when you post on social media because you're still trying to hold on and the goal being reach a point where your present actions have nothing whatever to do with your ex or what they may think about it. You are hoping she cares enough to sacrifice herself with a huge life changing gesture like this just to affect you. Highly unlikely.

Truth is she has unfinished business. 

And shame on her for cheating on you in school, but young people do stupid and thoughtless things. You apparently married her anyway, so you shoulder the blame for that, but again, young people do dumb things. 

This is the time to get in therapy and purge those bottled up feelings from when your mother died that you have associated with this. Let it all out, and then start accepting reality and move forward with your life and stop looking behind you at hers. 

Good luck.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

Disenchanted lover said:


> Am I not supposed to see this as a petty act to hurt me as much as humanly possible. I think if I hadn't worked on my own growth over the past month I would have killed myse


No. you're not suppose to see it as a petty act, but you're seeing it that way because right now it's all about you. Read what @ VladDracul said. You're just being ridiculously down on yourself with self pity. Leave that to teenagers.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

@Disenchanted lover It's possible she did it this way so as not to give you false hope of her coming back to you. 

So, move on without her.


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## SpinyNorman (Jan 24, 2018)

Disenchanted lover said:


> My ex cheated on me when we were at school 25 years ago. It was the same time my mother died and it has been really difficult to look back at my mother's memory and I've bottled up feelings regarding the whole sad situation. She left me 7 weeks ago and moved in with this guy 2-3 weeks later
> 
> Am I not supposed to see this as a petty act to hurt me as much as humanly possible. I think if I hadn't worked on my own growth over the past month I would have killed myself


Even if she did do it to hurt you, what do you get from playing along? Get on with your life in any case. She isn't part of it, don't concern yourself w/ her.


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## Al_Bundy (Mar 14, 2021)

I don't think it's a petty act at all towards you at all, in fact I don't think she's even thinking about you one bit. You should do the same for her.

Go look up some Rich Cooper videos, some Rule Zero stuff too. Get your head right. Right now just focus on yourself. Money, muscles, and game.

Best of luck.


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## marko polo (Jan 26, 2021)

Disenchanted lover said:


> That's the plan but in practice much harder. I am 40 overweight and bald. I am working on my confidence and my appearance to help. Just in the throws of it right now


Give yourself a chance.

Doesn't matter who she is with by desire or design (to hurt you). You wouldn't be any happier about her leaving you for anyone else.

You can lose the weight. Yes harder but it all comes down to how bad you want it. Watch what you eat, reduce your intake and exercise. Try to get proper sleep. Build on the small steps and remain consistent.


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## Disenchanted lover (Sep 22, 2021)

Thanks for the words of encouragement guys. I can see the logic behind what you all say but I can't get past it. I am sure I will. I have already worked hard on myself. I have lost 12kg in the last month and I am not going to let this stop me from continuing my life improvement.


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## Disenchanted lover (Sep 22, 2021)

Any advice how to treat the kids with all of this. She doesn't try to communicate with them and when they try she is very dismissive.

Cause I don't have a mother I really want them to have a healthy relationship with her. But it is like her new relationship means more to her than the kids. She has seen the kids a total of 6 times in 52 days. And only twice spent more than 30mins with them.

I can only see when the kids finally tire of being disappointed by her she will blame for turning them against her.


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## uphillbattle (Aug 17, 2011)

Disenchanted lover said:


> Any advice how to treat the kids with all of this. She doesn't try to communicate with them and when they try she is very dismissive.
> 
> Cause I don't have a mother I really want them to have a healthy relationship with her. But it is like her new relationship means more to her than the kids. She has seen the kids a total of 6 times in 52 days. And only twice spent more than 30mins with them.
> 
> I can only see when the kids finally tire of being disappointed by her she will blame for turning them against her.


Don't give a single second of thought to what you think she will blame you for. You be there the best you can for your kids, you can't control her actions.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Disenchanted lover said:


> Any advice how to treat the kids with all of this. She doesn't try to communicate with them and when they try she is very dismissive.
> 
> Cause I don't have a mother I really want them to have a healthy relationship with her. But it is like her new relationship means more to her than the kids. She has seen the kids a total of 6 times in 52 days. And only twice spent more than 30mins with them.
> 
> I can only see when the kids finally tire of being disappointed by her she will blame for turning them against her.


Counselling and therapy for them, ASAP. Make sure the therapist has all relevant details, though. Don't spare your wife's feelings, tell it like it is.

Incidentally, how many children do you have? What are their ages?


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## marko polo (Jan 26, 2021)

Disenchanted lover said:


> Any advice how to treat the kids with all of this. She doesn't try to communicate with them and when they try she is very dismissive.
> 
> Cause I don't have a mother I really want them to have a healthy relationship with her. But it is like her new relationship means more to her than the kids. She has seen the kids a total of 6 times in 52 days. And only twice spent more than 30mins with them.
> 
> I can only see when the kids finally tire of being disappointed by her she will blame for turning them against her.


The children will not have a healthy relationship with her - _*She doesn't try to communicate with them and when they try she is very dismissive. *_Any effort you make to try to push her into spending time with the kids will anger her drive her further away. You will come to recognize that the children will be far better off without her poor influence in their lives.

_*I can only see when the kids finally tire of being disappointed by her she will blame for turning them against her. S*_he is already blaming you for everything. That won't change down the road.

You should look forward to the day the kids finally tire of being disappointed by her. Why? Because when that day arrives they will likely be immune to any attempts at manipulation by her.

Be there for your children. Build a future for just you and the children. Don't encourage them to reach out to her because their efforts will only annoy her. When she is old and tired and wants someone to care for her or wants anything in general, she will seek out the children. The last thing any of them will need is a heartless leach clinging to them, trying to suck sympathy and whatever else she can get from them. It would be best if they were largely unsympathetic to her so that she will be unable to drag any or all of them down with her.


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## Disenchanted lover (Sep 22, 2021)

3 kids the older 2 love her but the youngest doesn't


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Yep. Therapy for the kids


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

Have you filed for full custody due to parental abandonment?


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Disenchanted lover said:


> Any advice how to treat the kids with all of this. She doesn't try to communicate with them and when they try she is very dismissive.
> *You need to be the sane parent. Tell them the truth. She left all of you to be with her new boyfriend.*
> 
> Cause I don't have a mother I really want them to have a healthy relationship with her. But it is like her new relationship means more to her than the kids. She has seen the kids a total of 6 times in 52 days. And only twice spent more than 30mins with them.
> ...


You can control you. Nothing else. Cut off contact and get on with your life. She is not worth you or your kids time.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

How old your your kids?

Do not force anything with them about your cheating wife. They will work it out one day if your WW ever pulls her head out of her ass.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

Disenchanted lover said:


> Any advice how to treat the kids with all of this. She doesn't try to communicate with them and when they try she is very dismissive.
> 
> Cause I don't have a mother I really want them to have a healthy relationship with her. But it is like her new relationship means more to her than the kids. She has seen the kids a total of 6 times in 52 days. And only twice spent more than 30mins with them.
> 
> I can only see when the kids finally tire of being disappointed by her she will blame for turning them against her.


Document all of this with her NOT seeing the kids. If they are of an age, it will be important for the custody during the divorce.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

jlg07 said:


> Document all of this with her NOT seeing the kids. If they are of an age, it will be important for the custody during the divorce.


Quoted for emphasis!!!!!!!!!


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

ElwoodPDowd said:


> Looks like you're Australian, if it weren't for COVID I'd suggest a little holiday in Barretto (Olongapo) or Angeles City. Bald and fat is not a problem for many slim and beautiful Filipino ladies, and you will meet many of your fellow countrymen there. The pub I used to frequent in Barretto (Midnight Rambler rock and roll bar) even served Aussie meat pies for lunch.
> 
> Fat can be cured with a little determination, eat a bit less, walk, hike and cycle more. I was nearly 100Kg a few years back, now I'm down to 75-78Kg.
> 
> At age 40 you're still a young man with the potential for a full and happy life ahead of you.


man i WISH i was still 40.
you have a whole life in front of you. go buy a nice sports car, and lose that weight at a gym. go sow some wild oats, man!


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

I am 49 and have noticed several little foxes in their 20s eying me up in past few months. If i were not very happily married i might be tempted to entertain them. Gym, hair, wardrobe....you will do fine.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

Divinely Favored said:


> I am 49 and have noticed several little foxes in their 20s eying me up in past few months. If i were not very happily married i might be tempted to entertain them. Gym, hair, wardrobe....you will do fine.


and BLING! Get some nice gold finery, maybe a pimp cane!


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

ElwoodPDowd said:


> Nah, I was suggesting he go there for some recreational fun to help him get over his loss and suicidal thoughts. Nothing like a bit of attractive lighthearted female company to help you get over a painful divorce and the subsequent feelings of worthlessness.
> 
> There's actually a place in Baretto where they have a bar (Cheap Charlies) staffed by 'drinky girls'. Beer for you is $1 a go, and a drink for an attractive young woman is $3, they sit and lean against you while pretending you're attractive and interesting to them. Better than therapy sessions, and a lot cheaper.


Unless you have common sense and understand they aren't really at all interested in you.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Disenchanted lover said:


> Thanks for the words of encouragement guys. I can see the logic behind what you all say but I can't get past it. I am sure I will. I have already worked hard on myself. I have lost 12kg in the last month and I am not going to let this stop me from continuing my life improvement.


12 kg in 4 weeks?!?!? What did you do, chop your leg off???
Just be careful as loosing weight to fast isn't the best thing. It's usually recommended you go for 1-2lbs a week. That way its more likely to stay off.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Diana7 said:


> 12 kg in 4 weeks?!?!? What did you do, chop your leg off???
> Just be careful as loosing weight to fast isn't the best thing. It's usually recommended you go for 1-2lbs a week. That way its more likely to stay off.


Yikes! @Diana7 is right! In UK terms that not far off two stone and that's not a healthy weight loss.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

Talker67 said:


> and BLING! Get some nice gold finery, maybe a pimp cane!


Nah. But it caught me off guard and felt like a mouse being looked at by a hungry 🐱. At times i can understand how a female may feel when getting unsolicited cat calls.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

MattMatt said:


> Yikes! @Diana7 is right! In UK terms that not far off two stone and that's not a healthy weight loss.


Back when i was frustrated in my marriage and last ditch effort to get my wifes attention, i bulked up on muscle and dropped 56 lbs in 5.5 weeks. Was not eating well and stress through the roof. She took notice alright. She thought i was already out the door....it was open and i was straddling the threshold. Communication was established after much tears and realizations were made to correct things. Been nothing but amazing since.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

Talker67 said:


> and BLING! Get some nice gold finery, maybe a pimp cane!


Nah. But it caught me off guard and felt like a mouse being looked at by a hungry 🐱.


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## EI (Jun 12, 2012)

Talker67 said:


> and _*BLING! Get some nice gold finery, maybe a pimp cane*_!


*Nooooooooooooooo!!! 🤦🏼‍♀️*


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

EI said:


> *Nooooooooooooooo!!! 🤦🏼‍♀️*


YESSSS!


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

ElwoodPDowd said:


> Nah, I was suggesting he go there for some recreational fun to help him get over his loss and suicidal thoughts. Nothing like a bit of attractive lighthearted female company to help you get over a painful divorce and the subsequent feelings of worthlessness.
> 
> There's actually a place in Baretto where they have a bar (Cheap Charlies) staffed by 'drinky girls'. Beer for you is $1 a go, and a drink for an attractive young woman is $3, they sit and lean against you while pretending you're attractive and interesting to them. Better than therapy sessions, and a lot cheaper.


These are known as 'B' girls, the bar girls.

They have been around forever, likely too, in the Roman Period, maybe before!

They are found in all Western countries, many in Asia, very few in the Middle East!


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

SunCMars said:


> These are known as 'B' girls, the bar girls.
> 
> They have been around forever, likely too, in the Roman Period, maybe before!
> 
> They are found in all Western countries, many in Asia, very few in the Middle East!


i have seen those B girls.
around 1 AM, they start looking PRETTY DAMN GOOD!


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

Talker67 said:


> YESSSS!
> 
> 
> View attachment 79040


No fish in the shoes?


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

Divinely Favored said:


> No fish in the shoes?


you get extra street cred for goldfish in the heels


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

Talker67 said:


> you get extra street cred for goldfish in the heels


Was an hillarious movie!!!


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