# Wife doesn't love me anymore...



## painandhurt (Jul 3, 2013)

Hi everyone,

I was wondering if someone on here might have been or is currently going through a similar thing and can give me some advice.

We have been married for 4 years. We have 2 beautiful boys, one 2.5 and the youngest is nearly 1. For the past 6 months (pretty much since she stopped breastfeeding) my wife has started to become distance. She never wants kisses, cuddles and definitely not sex. She has started going out with her friends all the time, sometimes till 3 or 4 in the morning. When I question her she tells me "you can't tell me what to do". 

Things have got worse since. She has told me that she doesn't know if she loves me anymore. She has also said that she doesn't enjoy my company anymore, that she wants her freedom back and that she regrets getting married. She says she feels sorry for me but she can't help the way she's feeling. I have asked her if there is someone else and she says no. We tried marriage counseling but it didn't work.

We have now been separated for 2 weeks. I have moved out of the home. We are starting to talk about separation of assets and selling the home. I have told her this is not what I want but she just tells me she is sorry but she can't help that she's fallen out of love with me. I have my faults but I am a kind, loving husband and a wonderful father. We have everything any couple could want. It is breaking my heart as my eldest son begs me not to leave when I go.

Is there any hope in this marriage? Is this something women go through after children? She admits she has changed but says "what if this is the real me?". Her family try and talk to her about trying to make the marriage work and not giving up but she refuses to listen to anyone.

I still love her and don't want the marriage to end. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

painandhurt said:


> When I question her she tells me "you can't tell me what to do".


I suppose that's true but it's not the point. You're not telling her what to do, you're simply asking her what she's doing, who she's doing it with. That's not an unreasonable question for a husband to ask of his wife. 



painandhurt said:


> I have asked her if there is someone else and she says no.


Well that's an exercise in futility. Cheaters rarely say "oh yes, there's someone else that I happen to like better at the moment and we're having some amazing mind blowing sex" even though it's usually the case. 



painandhurt said:


> We have now been separated for 2 weeks. I have moved out of the home.


You're making it very easy for her to move on with her life and leave you in the dust. It also may place you at a serious legal disadvantage during the upcoming divorce. You really should have consulted with an attorney before leaving. I suggest you move back immediately. 



painandhurt said:


> I have told her this is not what I want but she just tells me she is sorry but she can't help that she's fallen out of love with me.


She knows that's not what you want. What you want is of little to no concern to you, to her you are nothing more than an inconvenience and a source of spending money.



painandhurt said:


> I have my faults but I am a kind, loving husband and a wonderful father.


That's irrelevant. She's really only interested in the characteristics of the guy she's screwing. 




painandhurt said:


> Is there any hope in this marriage?


You could try doing the "affair busting" techniques advocated by many on this site who believe that reconciliation is possible once you break the affair and the cheater is forced out of the unreality of the "affair fog" and comes back to reality.

If it was me I'd say goodbye and good luck but I wouldn't make it too easy for her- which you're doing by getting out of her way. If you're trying to make a save here, get yourself a VAR and place it under her car seat, a keylogger on the computer so you can get into her email accounts and see who she's communicating with, and see if you can get a look at her cellphone messages. If and when you find something do not confront her, it will only send her deeper underground. Remember, there is only one person that needs proof, and that's you.


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## wtf2012 (Oct 22, 2012)

Sounds like there is someone else. 

Yes there are many others going through this, and I feel your pain.

Time is an excellent healer. So is physical exercise.

See a lawyer immediately. You need to protect yourself.

If I was you I would give her what she wants. Alot of times they realize it sucks and try to reconcile (often time very half a$$) judging by many stories on the board.

Bottom line is she doesn't sound like marriage material. Too bad you didn't see this in her until after you were already married. 

There is hope, but honestly from the outside why do you want to save it?

The best thing you can do is take control of the situation.


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## painandhurt (Jul 3, 2013)

Hi guys and thank you for your replies. 

Everybody has said that it sounds like there is someone else. She left her ipad out yesterday when I went to drop the kids home and I managed to check her emails and facebook and there were no messages from guys. That's not to say she couldn't be conversing by her phone.

My family is telling me to forget about her and move on. That she doesn't love me and care about me and that should be enough. I guess the main reason is that I put so much stress on being a good father and this is not the path I wanted for my children and it breaks my heart.

She says the years of arguments have taken their toll and this is why she has fallen out of love. She says that she can't give me what I need. I know there is nothing I can do it just hurts like hell.

Thanks again for your help.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Pain stand up for yourself and move back in have her move out and carry a VAR on you.


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## somethingnewmaybe (May 12, 2013)

Mine did the same thing. I think EA too still. 180 it.


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## painandhurt (Jul 3, 2013)

somethingnewmaybe said:


> Mine did the same thing. I think EA too still. 180 it.


Hi somethingnewmaybe,

Thanks for your advice. Did your wife snap out of it or are you still going through it?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

painandhurt said:


> Hi somethingnewmaybe,
> 
> Thanks for your advice. Did your wife snap out of it or are you still going through it?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It depends on if you crush the affair.

Review the phone bill. Text logs.. Chats... IM's

You need to know what you're up against.

Is anyone you know around when she's "out with her friends"?

Who are these friends?


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## somethingnewmaybe (May 12, 2013)

I'm still in it and divorce is imminent
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## painandhurt (Jul 3, 2013)

Conrad said:


> It depends on if you crush the affair.
> 
> Review the phone bill. Text logs.. Chats... IM's
> 
> ...


Thanks for your help. I have checked her emails & facebook but there is nothing there. I went through her phone 3 weeks ago but did not find anything. They are her girlfriends of which some have partners and some are single. None are married with children though and when I point that out she says "so what? Thats not Me". She has told me when this all started that she doesn't believe you should have to sacrifice in a marriage. That you should still be able to do whatever you want to do. She has said that she didn't think marriage would be this hard. She saw one of my friends when she was out one night at a nightclub and he asked where I was and she replied "my husband is boring". Maybe she just didn't really know what she signed up for but it's a bit late now with two children that need our love and support.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

I'm really sorry you're going through this. I had tears in my eyes and that's not easy for me to admit.

But weren't there any signs of this? I mean...looking back there had to be right? This seems like a woman who never really wanted commitment and was just giving in.

Don't stay in mourning too long. Your kids need at least one strong stable, responsible parent. And looks like you're up. You won't want to hear this because you're still raw with pain, but there are TONS of women out there that really want a responsible husband and father.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

painandhurt said:


> Thanks for your help. I have checked her emails & facebook but there is nothing there. I went through her phone 3 weeks ago but did not find anything. They are her girlfriends of which some have partners and some are single. None are married with children though and when I point that out she says "so what? Thats not Me". She has told me when this all started that she doesn't believe you should have to sacrifice in a marriage. That you should still be able to do whatever you want to do. She has said that she didn't think marriage would be this hard. She saw one of my friends when she was out one night at a nightclub and he asked where I was and she replied "my husband is boring". Maybe she just didn't really know what she signed up for but it's a bit late now with two children that need our love and support.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Have her followed.

You'll know his name soon enough.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

How old is your wife?


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## painandhurt (Jul 3, 2013)

Mavash. said:


> How old is your wife?


Thanks for all your advice guys. She is 26. 22 when we got maried.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SaltInWound (Jan 2, 2013)

Conrad said:


> Have her followed.
> 
> You'll know his name soon enough.


:iagree: or if you don't have the money, have someone watch the kids and you borrow someone else's car so she won't notice it. Follow her yourself.


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