# Sick & Tired



## Firemonk13 (Feb 22, 2010)

I am up all night tonight beacuse my wife & I crossed the line...
and I dont have a good perspective anymore.
My wife & I have hit the wall in the last month-
She went from begrudging sex once every 1-3 weeks to a 6 week stretch, and during those rare times, I am not allowed to fondle her, touch any sensitive areas, or kiss her. I basically have to wait for her to finish a vibrator session and then prep for entry. This is of course insane making for me, but she has been going to counseling and trying to increase frequency of intimacy. Tonight afte renduring the no, donts and almosts I was finally ready for entry, literally at the point, when I saw she was picking her teeth.
I snapped and shouted, "C'mon, would ya please?!?!" Which immediately made her jump back into her clothes and say "You blew it ". I explained that after waiting for "permission" to participate I found it rude and demeaning for her to be picking her teeth, she agreed and said she could not help it and since I raised my voice there was no way we were going to continue.
This was the 2nd time I was "blueballed" and I went into a bit of a rage-- I have been trying soooo hard for weeks to help create good conditions, and now I was being punished for calling her on her demeaning behavior toward me.
Her fragility means I cant count on any normal responses- I feel helpless.
She & I escalated exchanges and I finally sarcastically demanded her to "shut up & bend over and be done with it" which she then took as the last straw and that I am such a horrible person for saying such a thing, and I am not safe to be with, never was, etc etc etc.
Now I feel like I was set up from the start, and her behavior evoked a response so I "am the most wrong".
Then, I was told that I was unalllowed to speak to her any further,and since I was standing in the door "blocking" her exit, She thrteatened to call police & punched me in the jaw. 
She left the house & kids to go to a hotel & eventually came back and left, 3 x. Each time, I said I was sorry & I asked if she was going to apologize and that it was met with "you'll never speak to me again" you 'll never touch me again" etc etc.
So the fire blazed again.
Finally I said I am glad she came home and That I will let her sleep alone we can speak in the morning.
It may be menpopause, it may be SAD, it may be psychosis, or a combination. She refuses drug treatment and has been dragging feet for any real counseling together. 
I am in a waiting game, with 2 young kids and no hope.


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## Nekko (Oct 13, 2009)

'Each time, I said I was sorry & I asked if she was going to apologize and that it was met with "you'll never speak to me again" you 'll never touch me again" etc etc.'

Why, I mean, seriously, why would you do this? You have NOTHING to apologize for to a woman who is not interested at all in you during sex. 

If you must stay in that marriage (and i'm known for telling people to stay and fix it...but in this case she just seems like she's plain rude, not just uncarring) then for god's sake just work on yourself, your attitude, your atractiveness, read some Atholk and BBW posts etc. Seriously, the way your marriage appears to me from the post above, you have nothing to loose.


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## diaxis (Feb 20, 2010)

This relationship seems dysfunctional on a number of levels, that you have kids complicates it. No offense, but I think some of the things you said may have been ineloquent / less than diplomatic in delivery, but that aside it seems she has some bonafide issues as well. The punching bothers me; I've never punched or been punched myself. All I can say is don't do anything that might put you at-fault in a divorce. You might consider scheduling an appt with a marriage counselor, let her know this, and if she isn't willing to go, then go by yourself. That might clue her in to the fact the status quo is finally unacceptable while doing something that objectively doesn't seem damaging?


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

should have called the police when she punched you, filed a domestic. she needs a bigtime wake up call, she might not care about you much but her tendency towards physical violence is not good around the kids. ultimately, it seems you two will be seperated and/or divorced.


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## Firemonk13 (Feb 22, 2010)

Thanks for the responses, I was really just so distraught I had to type it out and say it. Now- a little more info:
I was less eloquent that I had liked. 
We have identified that my wife of 10 (together for 17) is getting serious peri menopause--her rage is so intense that all reason fails to reach her when in a state.
I have gone to therapy and gotten myself on some anti anxiety medecine beacuse I thought I might be the problem (I also have a number of other stressors right now, my job is high powered and intensely demanding 60 hrs, my parent is terminally ill & I am intimately involved in care, and we have 2 kids 4 & 8) A full plate! We both work.
The last months/years she has basically exhibited negative doom & gloom attitude,glass is always 1/2 empty. I always call her on it, she resents me for it. It got so that she could not bear to be in the room with me.
I LOVE her intensely, and am committed, loyal , and eager to help her--- and I have had a great change due to my meds.
I definitely pull my share with dishes, cooking shopping. Less so with diapers and childs need (they want their Momma) but always willing. We have a good income and a wonderful home/community.
I have begged her to take the steps fro therapy- she obviously has deeper issues here-- She NEEDS to work on herself. FINALLY last month after 3 days of not talking to me that emotionally 
bankrupted me to a near breakdown she took a step.
We committed to an expensive but excellent therapist- this week was the first and worse regression she has shown. She is
very anti-drug therapy and hormone therapy-although she is text book sex aversion disorder.
She needs a wellbutrin drug and a testosterone supplement along with some therapy- I feel there are emotional scars in her closet that she has not faced, and she has this twisted notion that everyone would be happier if she left our lives...

(Additionally The coaching has emphasized that she needs to be affectionate/sexual with me to keep me emotionally fed (Thank GOD), and she has been "trying". After one week it started to regress....

Each time there is a blowout she creates this scar tissue that I know will be brought up *forever*. Yesterday she cited a time before we were married that I refused to disavow an old girlfriend I was meeting for a lunch. She has a secret hate locker and all my worst behaviors are there ready for her to whip out. 
I on the other hand am fiery Italian and quickly cool off as quickly as I get pissed. I could have kissed and made up last night even.
I am also about one hundred pounds of muscle larger than her, so even though she smashed my jaw, I am OK. I NEVER hit her, ever. On one occaison when we were younger I threw her over my shoulder to keep her from running away!
I would never want the police involved in my marriage, and I never worry that her temper jepardizes the kids.
She sublimates all of that for me.
She is very much alone, her parents are dead and she has no local family or close friends-- she is a bit introverted- but a GREAT SMART WOMAN- Well respected by all who know her, & considered the better half.

I have been trying to work on myself, with what little time I have, I have lost 20 lbs and trying to give her space, take the kids, but the enormity of her hormones is impossible for me to stand against. I lost it, but I was blind in delicto flagrante and surrendered my cool.
I feel like I was pushed to the breaking point so it could all be MY fault again. I confess I have had darkest of thoughts about myself in those desparate moments. And I have definitely turned to prescription substances to cope day to day recently.


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