# Husband pays to watch those live cams..



## RMJV26 (Mar 10, 2013)

One day I was shredding old mail that included credit card statements. I was about to shred one of my husbands statements when I noticed a charge that I didn't recognize. I googled the url address it had and It sent me to a live cam website. Where you can pay to watch those live sex cams..When I started gathering all the monthly statements and started adding all the charges it came out to around $4000. In just 3 months. I couldn't believe he was spending this much money on this! 

He says he didn't do it and that his credit card had fraud on it. But deep down in my gut I felt he was lying. Now I know Men love there porn. And that doesn't bother me. But when you have to spend that much money on watching live girls on cam I feel that is a problem. For one, its a waste of money that can be going towards other payments. 2nd am I not satisfying him? 

He said he was going to call the credit card to credit him back the money. A couple weeks after I had confronted him I asked him what he did about the charges. He said he called the credit card company and they were gonna send him a new card and give him the money back. Something inside of me just didn't believe him. So a few days later I logged into his credit card account online and he still had the same card and no disputes had been filed. There were no more charges from that site since I had confronted him so I guess thats good but I can't get over the fact that he still lied to me.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Lying is to be expected when someone does something this stupid. $4,000 on live cam in 3 months. Yikes. Unless the two of you are very well off that's huge.

For many people live cam is where the line is drawn. It's one thing to view recorded videos. But live cam is very different. 

Where does he view the live cam? at home? 

How often do the two of you have sex? Did you have any idea that he was wanting more sexuallly?


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## RMJV26 (Mar 10, 2013)

Thats the way I feel as well. That live cam is much different then recorded. 

I'm assuming he views it at home. I had surgery on my foot in Oct. So I was on crutches and we have a 3 story house so sometimes we'd be in different rooms. 

We are well off but no matter how much money we have I think $4,000 being spent on that is ridiculous. In fact spending any money on that is. 

We weren't having sex that often after my surgery so I feel that is how it started. But it was still going on after we started having sex again..now we'll have sex once a week sometimes more. It seems that we never want it at the same. WHen he does i'm tired or when he does he's tired.. 

and As I type right now I just logged into his credit card account again and saw a transaction for adultfriendfinder.com .. idk what im doing wrong


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## *LittleDeer* (Apr 19, 2012)

You are doing nothing wrong. 

He is cheating on your marriage. He may not have physically cheated yet, but he's well on his way.

If he doesn't get a drastic wake up call, and ultimatum, I can see nothing but more lies and deceit from here on.

I suggest you insist on marriage counselling.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I'm assuming that your having sex once a week is a temporary slow down due to your surgery. He should be able to make it through your recovery without going nuts on live cam porn.

An adultfreindfinder account is bad news. 

Whatever is wrong with your marriage,the two of you share responsibility for. He has 100% responsibility for what he's doing in secret. Do not beat yourself up for that.

The two of you are wanting sex at different times because both of you are not making it your priority. It needs to be a priorty.

The first thing you need to do is to find out what he's up to. You might have found only the tip of the iceburg. As you have already seen he's going to lie if you confront him with this new info you have found.

Were I you, I'd install a key logger on the computer he uses. You can then see what he's really up to.


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## RMJV26 (Mar 10, 2013)

I will bring the marriage counseling.

what is a key logger? Is it free? This would be perfect if its what I think it is


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

A key logger is software that captures every key typed on the computer. A good key logger also captures screen shots. There are a few free ones and several that cost $$.

this thread might help you.

Evidence thread
http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping...one-interested-evidence-gathering-thread.html


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## RMJV26 (Mar 10, 2013)

thank you so much!


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## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

I would consider live web cams cheating... low level cheating...but cheating nonetheless.

I'd be pressing him for correspondence from the CC company... 

And as for adultfriendfinder! Big red flag.

I'm sorry Op this all sounds really worrying!


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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

RMJV26 said:


> I can't get over the fact that he still lied to me.


Of course. At $2 a minute that's 33 hours of time on webcams so this is the kind of committment he is into. A minimum I'd say. 

My wife has bought me time on sites where it is between $1 and $2 per minute but she has spent less than $100 in three years. These are asian sites on account of my luv of asian girls so I don't know about caucasian sites. 

The way the sites work with what my wife showed me is that you only pay for the "private" time where they are stripping but you chat for free the rest of the time so who knows how much total time this represents. Oh, there's also one site she showed me where a lot of people are looking on but only some are paying. :scratchhead: Kind of a no-brainer there. Why pay. 

*Elegirl* is right that this calls for a spy regime because the husband is in extreme denial. The adult friend finder is a five alarm fire.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

RMJV26 said:


> Thats the way I feel as well. That live cam is much different then recorded.
> 
> I'm assuming he views it at home. I had surgery on my foot in Oct. So I was on crutches and we have a 3 story house so sometimes we'd be in different rooms.
> 
> ...


Being married to a man who spends $4,000 watching girls on web cams, who lies with such ease and who signs up for an affair site is not you doing anything wrong. That's all down to him.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Wiserforit said:


> Of course. At $2 a minute that's 33 hours of time on webcams so this is the kind of committment he is into. A minimum I'd say.
> 
> My wife has bought me time on sites where it is between $1 and $2 per minute but she has spent less than $100 in three years. These are asian sites on account of my luv of asian girls so I don't know about caucasian sites.
> 
> ...


Why pay? I think that if you pay, you can ask the stripper to do things you want to see while she's stripping.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

Oh, hell no. $4k is a really nice vacation for two on a tropical island, all expenses paid. And he gave it away to some web cam girls who performed for him?

And now adultfriendfinder? He's not looking for a tennis partner, you know. Your husband is actively looking to cheat.

There is a serious problem in your marriage. Your husband may deny it, and you might feel the need for keyloggers and spying, but the truth is already all right there on your credit card bills and in your husband's lies.

Marriage counseling might help him admit that he did it, but he also needs to come clean with WHY he is doing this. Otherwise, you have no reason to believe that you shouldn't be using condoms with him when you do have sex. You don't know when he'll find that adult _friend_ he's seeking.


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## terrence4159 (Feb 3, 2013)

wow i watch porn, my wife watches porn, we watch it together, we have the playboy channel on dtv.....but 4k in porn charges wow that is insane holy crap is all i can say


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## Blue Firefly (Mar 6, 2013)

$4,000 in 3 months?

That's an annual cost of $16,000. 

This is in the same league as a gambling addiction. It could sink your family financially. You need to sit down with him an point out the danger this is putting your family in. And yes, I would suggest counseling.

In the mean time:

Cancel all your current credit cards. Once these scum get your credit card, they will continue to throw charges on it just to see if they stick. You can never really cancel these types of services.

Get new credit cards.

Subscribe to a credit service like Equifax that lets you pull your and your husband's credit reports anytime. Then monitor it. If your husband tries to open a credit card (to use for this service) it should pop up on the credit report.

You really need to grab your husband by the collar and shake him. Make sure he knows exactly the kind of financial danger he is putting his family in.

I know your primary focus is the moral aspects of what he has done, but you need to focus on the finances first, because by the time he gets his moral ship straightened out he could have already sunk your financial ship.


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## Theseus (Feb 22, 2013)

waiwera said:


> I would consider live web cams cheating... low level cheating...but cheating nonetheless.



If live web cams are cheating, then going to strip clubs would be cheating too.

However, $4000 is ridiculous. Especially when there are so many "cam babes" out there that do it for free.

The lying here is more troublesome than the "cheating". But I have a feeling he's lying because he's embarrassed he was duped into spending so much money. I don't think he's lying because he's planning to run away with a web cam girl.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

Theseus said:


> I don't think he's lying because he's planning to run away with a web cam girl.


He is, however, looking to meet an adult friend on adultfriendfinders.


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## SquareCircle (Dec 13, 2012)

This may have started because of your surgery, however, after you two started having sex again, it should ave halted. It's sounds like it kicked up a notch.

Porn watching is one thing. Paying for Live Cam is another. By the way, it's NOT just cam girls. There are couples too. Actual sex with a man and a woman. Unfortunately, I know from experience. I paid for some too. Less than $100, but that was still too much. I couldn't imagine 4k!!! That is quite excessive. 

Adult Friend Finder is bad. A paid account? Look out!!! This is NOT good. This means he can look and correspond with woman, setup "dates" or worse.


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## Blue Firefly (Mar 6, 2013)

I felt compelled to follow up on this.

About 4 years ago, someone I worked with started to go regularly to a local strip club. He eventually got involved with one of the strippers there. His wife found out over a year later when they were both out together, did something stupid in public, and managed to get themselves arrested.

What did his wife find out?

 Their credit cards were maxed
 He had drained their savings
 He had raided their 401k
 He had taken a loan against their home

Literally, he had run his family--his wife and children--into the ground financially. They divorced and she had to start from square one. It was absolutely horrible.

That may be an extreme case, but it's a true story. When I say you need to batten down the hatches and protect yourself and your children financially, I'm dead serious.

The people involved int he porn "industry" are not nice people. They have their hooks into your husband, and will attempt to drain him for every cent they can. They don't care about your family; and the don't care about the morality (they have none); they don't care who they hurt. They just know they have a mark (your husband) who they know is vulnerable to their attacks. They will continue to go after him.

Protect yourself and your family financially.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

This is again a case of whether or not people have the right to set boundaries for what they are willing to deal with in their lives.

Some might not think that this is cheating.

Others will or they will believe it's inappropriate.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Theseus said:


> If live web cams are cheating, then going to strip clubs would be cheating too.
> 
> However, $4000 is ridiculous. Especially when there are so many "cam babes" out there that do it for free.
> 
> The lying here is more troublesome than the "cheating". But I have a feeling he's lying because he's embarrassed he was duped into spending so much money. I don't think he's lying because he's planning to run away with a web cam girl.


Would you be ok with your wife going to an online show where she could pay to tell men what she wants them to do?


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## Theseus (Feb 22, 2013)

EleGirl said:


> Would you be ok with your wife going to an online show where she could pay to tell men what she wants them to do?



Actually, I've gone with her to strip clubs with both male and female dancers. She had no interest in tossing dollars at the male dancers, but I wouldn't have a problem if she did.

I don't mind if it's occasional and above board. It's a very different thing if a spouse is secretly running the family to financial ruin.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Theseus said:


> If live web cams are cheating, then going to strip clubs would be cheating too.


And? For some people, like my husband and myself, it would be. What's your point?


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## Rakkasan (Mar 4, 2013)

It is easy to get addicted to these sites. I am in the military and one of my sergeants got addicted. He was so bad that his wife did not allow him to keep a credit card. So what he did? He asked one of my soldiers to order flowers on line for him, and he paid him cash for the favor, but kept his credit card numbers. He run like 2 grand on someone else's account for porn sites.

So, I would take your husband's credit cards to help him with his addiction.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Theseus said:


> Actually, I've gone with her to strip clubs with both male and female dancers. She had no interest in tossing dollars at the male dancers, but I wouldn't have a problem if she did.
> 
> I don't mind if it's occasional and above board. It's a very different thing if a spouse is secretly running the family to financial ruin.


My question was about live web cam sites not strip clubs with you there. Would you be ok with your wife secretly going to live cam websites and communicating with male strippers, telling what to do, etc? Say she spent 100 hours a week doing this without your knowledge.

(not talking about the financial end of it)


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

IMO, there's very little difference (apart from $4,000) between the OP's H taking part in live, interactive webcams, and a W joining a singles site and chatting/cyber sexing/webcamming with other men. Whilst the parties might never meet in person, and it mightn't qualify as an emotional affair, nor a physical affair, in my book it qualifies as a sexual affair.

The OP needs to find out exactly what her H is up to, and investigative equipment is the way to go.


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## Theseus (Feb 22, 2013)

EleGirl said:


> My question was about live web cam sites not strip clubs with you there. Would you be ok with your wife secretly going to live cam websites and communicating with male strippers, telling what to do, etc? Say she spent 100 hours a week doing this without your knowledge.
> 
> (not talking about the financial end of it)


Well, jeez... 100 hours a week would be like four days straight! I would be upset at any hobby that took that much of her time. I wouldn't really care about cam sites per se, if it wasn't an obsession.


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## Theseus (Feb 22, 2013)

Maricha75 said:


> And? For some people, like my husband and myself, it would be. What's your point?


Well, I'm pretty confident that stripclubs = cheating is a minority point of view, but you are entitled to your beliefs. Curious how you view seeing Vegas showgirls, nudist resorts, or even beaches in Southern Europe (where it's common for women to go topless).


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

Adult friend finder has live web cams that members post and you can chat with the people. I don't think he's looking for a real life hookup. AFF is a cheaper way to view live amateur cams and chat. 
I don't condone it but I used to be a member when I was single. There actually a lot more to it than it sounds, a lot of very interesting blogs and articles. 
But that's like saying he's buying Playboy for the articles. He just found a cheaper way to look at videos.
beaches in Southern Europe (where it's common for women to go topless).
Are the women on the beach dancing around and grinding on men trying to get them to go to a different area to pay for a BJ? 
I don't think going to a club is cheating but those are two entirely different situations.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> Why pay? I think that if you pay, you can ask the stripper to do things you want to see while she's stripping.


Exactly so. It's just such a waste of money, personally. 


*diwali123* -

I don't think it wise to minimize Adult Friend Finder as "just cheaper". It has swinger and hook-up functions as a marketing feature so the fact he lied so eggregiously, and signed up for yet another site that has these additional capabilities - this is out of control and in need of intervention.


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## Cigar56 (Mar 9, 2013)

I am a married man and have watched the live cams, but in the months I do use those services, my credit card bill is usually about $30.00

I have a LD wife and I supplement with masturbation. The live cams bring a little added excitement to that experience.

At $30 a month I am obviously not viewing the live cams all that often. At more than $1,000 a month your husband is clearly spending lots of time viewing or chatting with the most beautiful women on the live cams. Some charges upwards of $5.99 a minute, so you can see the charges could rack up.

With the excessive use of the live cams and the adult friend finder thing, it sounds like your husband is looking for a Tiger Woods moment, or to put it another way, very wild and freaky sex.

He should not venture into Adult Friend Finder. To me, that's as big a red flag as the excessive live cam charges.

I think the even greater issue is the dishonesty. If my wife saw my credit card receipt for the live cams I'd just tell her what it is and then show it to her. Then we could decide together if that is healthy/unhealthy/doesn't matter for our relationship.

I would not use Adult Friend Finder, but if I did and she caught me I would hope that I would fess up and tell my wife what it is that I am missing and hope to find in Friend Finder.

Your husband has to be careful not to lose touch with reality. Live cam girls and porn stars are actors. It is usually not reasonable to view porn and then expect a spouse to perform like the actors.

However, your husband may be yearning for eroticism that he feels is missing from with you. But that does not give him the right to be dishonest. What he should be doing is talking to you about his feelings and needs.

Good luck!


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## trey69 (Dec 29, 2010)

I would have to find something more productive to do with my money. Like my wife would like a new kitchen floor. :smthumbup: 

IMO he probably got ripped off.


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## Cigar56 (Mar 9, 2013)

Trey69, he may have enough money to blow $4K on live cams AND install the new kitchen floor.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Theseus said:


> Well, I'm pretty confident that stripclubs = cheating is a minority point of view, but you are entitled to your beliefs. Curious how you view seeing Vegas showgirls, nudist resorts, or even beaches in Southern Europe (where it's common for women to go topless).


Well, you are entitled to your opinion as well. My personal opinion? We'd never go anywhere where it is "common" for women to be topless. No desire to go to Vegas or any of the other places you mentioned. Shocking, right? A man (my husband) who actually doesn't want to go to such establishments. Imagine that....


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## trey69 (Dec 29, 2010)

Cigar56 said:


> Trey69, he may have enough money to blow $4K on live cams AND install the new kitchen floor.


Could be


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Please have a look at my story. My husband did exactly what yours did. He was being scammed. DO NOT believe him when he tells you what he is doing - he is LYING. He's doing more than he is telling. He may be addicted to this type of thing or he may not, but guaranteed he is very ashamed of what he is doing and is lying to minimize it.

Whether it's cheating or not to someone else is totally beside the point here. If it's cheating to YOU, then it's cheating. My husband crossed the line when he went to live cams, both in my mind and in his. That is when he started seeking sex outside the marriage.

Adult Friend Finder is FULL of scammers. You need to get to the bottom of this ASAP before he spends any more money. That credit card needs to be cancelled NOW.

Has he made any cash withdrawals? These women on these sites get guys to wire them cash through Western Union.

And get the keylogger ASAP as well. What you have found is probably just the tip of the iceberg.


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