# Romance in marriage



## BootsAndJeans

I want to start this thread based off a small conversation I had with @D0nnivain, on another thread.

I have heard several women (relatives, friends, on forums, in written works, videos, etc) remark and complain about having no romance from their husbands. In fact I heard a memorable description of one "Mr. Nomance". 

I attended a series of classes years ago at our church for husbands. From this multi-week class, the aspects or romance really stuck with me. These aspects are in general, as all people are unique. 


Men are generally goal oriented. We tend to look at everything as resulting in achieving X. Marriage is no different. We plan, schedule and really invest our thoughts, actions, time and resources on courting the woman we want to marry.
In many marriages, once the "I do's" are done, we men tend to look at it as "goal accomplished", and the courting/romancing tends to taper off. As the joke goes - the husband said "I told her I loved her when we got married - I'll let her know if I change my mind!".
To the absolute amazement of many husbands.....wives typically do not think like this and they definitely do not have the same emotional need/wants as a man. I know...I know....to many men, this is shocking news.
Typically men need to have their wives desire them and physically bond with them, for the man to feel emotionally inclined for romance. Women typically need the man to be romantic and intune with her, for her to be open for and desirous for physical bonding.
A lot of the problems in marriages happen when this natural, mutually beneficial cycle gets short circuited.
I will just give a few examples of how I try and meet my wife's desire and needs for romance and courting and have consciously done so for over 20 years of our marriage. 

I tell her that I love her, even when not trying to get her clothes off and even in front of other people
I plan dates at least twice a month
I send her texts during the day, some to make her laugh, some to make her blush, but all to let her know I am thinking if her.
We spend uninterrupted time together each evening, usually walking and talking.....no cell phones
Each month, I plan and have a "basket of stuff" delivered to her office, with a personally written note from me. The basket of stuff is always different
Her love languages are Acts of Service and Gifts, so I will also randomly just do her chores for her (laundry, bathrooms, etc) and give her the day off, while I still take care of mine (yard, vehicle maintenance, etc).
We have a long and good marriage. We have survived some very hard things, deployment to war, PTSD, cancer and two teenagers in the house!

Just posting this a start of discussion. I have NO complaints on my end of things. I am a very satisfied and very well treated husband. Even if she can be a bit bossy .


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## RandomDude

These are all bare minimum expectations these days with the newer generations. It's both good and bad from my experience.


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## Diceplayer

I heard a psychologist once say that when you wake up every day that you should ask yourself what are you going to do today to make your spouse happy.


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## BootsAndJeans

Diceplayer said:


> I heard a psychologist once say that when you wake up every day that you should ask yourself what are you going to do today to make your spouse happy.


 A really good idea. it does take both spouses to be aware & on board. My love languages are physical touch & words of affirmation. My wife has become good at that over the years. The day-to-day impact of life has to be mitigated actively, in my experience.


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## Julie's Husband

Well, I finally learned to talk dirty. And she loves it.

But beyond making sure to anticipate her needs, making sure we lock lips on every possible occasion and breathlessly telling her how much I love her, nothing special. We are pretty much one.

What she doesn't see is that I buffer where she feels insecure and build her up. She was teased by her brothers and belittled. This has left her with insecurities and too often anticipation of failing. I don't let her fail.


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## BootsAndJeans

Julie's Husband said:


> Well, I finally learned to talk dirty. And she loves it.
> 
> But beyond making sure to anticipate her needs, making sure we lock lips on every possible occasion and breathlessly telling her how much I love her, nothing special. We are pretty much one.
> 
> What she doesn't see is that I buffer where she feels insecure and build her up. She was teased by her brothers and belittled. This has left her with insecurities and too often anticipation of failing. I don't let her fail.


That what marriage is partly for. She is strong where I am weak, and I am strong where she is weak. More than just that, in our marriage we are greater together, than the sum of our parts would suggest.


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## Rus47

Diceplayer said:


> I heard a psychologist once say that when you wake up every day that you should ask yourself what are you going to do today to make your spouse happy.


And that goes for both spouses. I would have phrased it "how will you show your spouse love today". There are plenty of threads on here were one spouse is doing all of the "happy making", and the other feels entitled. Romance is a two-way street.

And actually, I have no capacity to MAKE anyone else happy. Have you ever met a person who was essentially unhappy with life all of the time? If you greet them at work with "good morning", the response is "what's good about it?
".

So a person married to someone who is miserable in life to start with will never be able to "MAKE" that person happy no matter what they do.


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## BootsAndJeans

Rus47 said:


> And that goes for moth spouses. I would have phrased it "how will you show your spouse love today". There are plenty of threads on here were one spouse is doing all of the "happy making", and the other feels entitled. Romance is a two-way street.
> 
> And actually, I have no capacity to MAKE anyone else happy. Have you ever met a person who was essentially unhappy with life all of the time? If you greet them at work with "good morning", the response is "what's good about it?
> ".
> 
> So a person married to someone who is miserable in life to start with will never be able to "MAKE" that person happy no matter what they do.


I agree. 

I have obviously written how I work for make my marriage happy. My wife also meets me half-way. She is a morning person, I am not. We balance each other and she does show me her love daily.


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## BootsAndJeans

Julie's Husband said:


> Well, I finally learned to talk dirty. And she loves it.


@Julie's Husband ... talking dirty turns my wife off. I can be frisky with her, but talking dirty is a no-go. My wife is a "good girl" and always has been. She will be adventurous with me in bed, but does not like cursing or dirty talk in general. We are both committed Christians, so I don't really talk that way anymore. It was a bad habit picked up in the military.


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## so_sweet

BootsAndJeans said:


> talking dirty turns my wife off. I can be frisky with her, but talking dirty is a no-go. My wife is a "good girl" and always has been.


Am I a "bad woman" for liking dirty talk with my husband?
Btw, what is a "good girl"? Just curious!

It sounds like you are doing a great job for what works in your marriage and that's awesome!

When it comes to romance, for me (generally speaking--I'm not saying anyone's way of being romantic is wrong or bad) too much of a good thing, like regularly scheduled and constant romantic gestures, would get boring and not seem special anymore. I like being pleasantly surprised by romantic gestures, in other words, I don't want to expect it--or come to expect it because it happens so frequently. 

I'm very happy with the romance in my marriage, it's not too much and not too little, it's just right!

But, that's me, everyone is different.


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## BootsAndJeans

so_sweet said:


> Am I a "bad woman" for liking dirty talk with my husband?
> Btw, what is a "good girl"? Just curious!
> 
> It sounds like you are doing a great job for what works in your marriage and that's awesome!
> 
> When it comes to romance, for me (generally speaking--I'm not saying anyone's way of being romantic is wrong or bad) too much of a good thing, like regularly scheduled and constant romantic gestures, would get boring and not seem special anymore. I like being pleasantly surprised by romantic gestures, in other words, I don't want to expect it--or come to expect it because it happens so frequently.
> 
> I'm very happy with the romance in my marriage, it's not too much and not too little, it's just right!
> 
> But, that's me, everyone is different.


In our case (Southerners), a good girl means: Church going, does not drink, drugs, is modest, does not curse, overall = wholesome. That is just her personality.

Give you an example....when we were dating (me college freshman, her senior in HS). I took her to the movies. Bought the tickets, sat down and she felt guilty because it was R rated. So we left. She is just a very conservative and modest woman.


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## Julie's Husband

BootsAndJeans said:


> @Julie's Husband ... talking dirty turns my wife off. I can be frisky with her, but talking dirty is a no-go. My wife is a "good girl" and always has been. She will be adventurous with me in bed, but does not like cursing or dirty talk in general. We are both committed Christians, so I don't really talk that way anymore. It was a bad habit picked up in the military.


By talking dirty, I mean suggestive comments, double entendres and other riske comments. I'm pretty straight laced so when this first happened a couple of years ago she had a shocked expression and then girlish giggles. Sometimes I will tell her I want to do this or that to her, that I'm getting turned on.

She is not able to have intercourse so I think my making riske remarks about intercourse make her feel wanted.


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## so_sweet

BootsAndJeans said:


> She is just a very conservative and modest woman.


Nothing wrong with that, of course! 
And thank-you for answering what "good girl" means or at least what it means in your case.


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## Rus47

so_sweet said:


> Am I a "bad woman" for liking dirty talk with my husband?


Absolutely NOT! 

I think all he was saying was his wife didn't appreciate him talking dirty to her. My wife is the same. Talking dirty to my wife would not have a positive result. She was brought up that way more than seven decades ago. We are all creatures of our life experiences 




so_sweet said:


> But, that's me, everyone is different.


Exactly, like snowflakes. And different is wonderful IMO.


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## Rus47

so_sweet said:


> I like being pleasantly surprised by romantic gestures, in other words, I don't want to expect it--or come to expect it because it happens so frequently


Since our 50th anniversary, when we shop groceries, first stop is at the flower section, have her pick out bouquet. She has said more than once “you can stop anytime”. My answer was that I will stop when leave this life. She often brags about it to her friends. 

But she is a person who likes schedules, plans, organization. Our intimacy is scheduled same time every day. I realize that would kill the mood for most. Works well for both of us. And has since we started having kids. We both start getting cranked with anticipation when that time nears.

Like Pavlov’s dog anticipated food when he rang a bell lol


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## BootsAndJeans

Rus47 said:


> Since our 50th anniversary, when we shop groceries, first stop is at the flower section, have her pick out bouquet. She has said more than once “you can stop anytime”. My answer was that I will stop when leave this life. She often brags about it to her friends.
> 
> But she is a person who likes schedules, plans, organization. Our intimacy is scheduled same time every day. I realize that would kill the mood for most. Works well for both of us. And has since we started having kids. We both start getting cranked with anticipation when that time nears.
> 
> Like Pavlov’s dog anticipated food when he rang a bell lol


^^^You are doing it right^^^


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## UpsideDownWorld11

Yep, this one hits at me. I suck at romance, I just wasn't brought to be lovey dovey. #4 is what we struggle with. It's like a negative feedback loop. I need intimacy to have an emotional connection and she needs an emotional connection to have physical intimacy. 

We started trying this week at kind of meeting each other in the middle with me making myself uncomfortable by speaking her love language (words of affirmation) and she showing more physical intimacy (my love language) even when she doesn't necessarily feel connected. This **** is hard...


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## BootsAndJeans

UpsideDownWorld11 said:


> Yep, this one hits at me. I suck at romance, I just wasn't brought to be lovey dovey. #4 is what we struggle with. It's like a negative feedback loop. I need intimacy to have an emotional connection and she needs an emotional connection to have physical intimacy.
> 
> We started trying this week at kind of meeting each other in the middle with me making myself uncomfortable by speaking her love language (words of affirmation) and she showing more physical intimacy (my love language) even when she doesn't necessarily feel connected. This **** is hard...


Did you romance her when dating? Or just, "get in the bed of the truck woman"?

I put my mindset to be continuing dating and courting her. She needs to want to choose me every day. Same for me. 

Remembering how it was then, helps me now, if that makes sense. 

Love & intimacy is like a flower, it has to be watered and tended to.


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## UpsideDownWorld11

BootsAndJeans said:


> Did you romance her when dating? Or just, "get in the bed of the truck woman"?


Yeah, but it seemed to be easier then. We had time apart to sort of build the attraction. We have been doing date nights more...usually once or twice a month. But then we have a fight or something and we are back in our negative feedback loop. I love her and I think she still loves me but I'm just tired really.


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## BootsAndJeans

UpsideDownWorld11 said:


> Yeah, but it seemed to be easier then. We had time apart to sort of build the attraction. We have been doing date nights more...usually once or twice a month. But then we have a fight or something and we are back in our negative feedback loop. I love her and I think she still loves me but I'm just tired really.


I do not understand fighting. I have never had that in my marriage. 

I learned a good mental calculation about issues and fighting/arguing. "If it will not matter in 5 days, I am not going to waster 5 seconds arguing about it". 

99% of the stuff most couples argue about is pointless, meaningless stuff.


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## UpsideDownWorld11

BootsAndJeans said:


> I do not understand fighting. I have never had that in my marriage.
> 
> I learned a good mental calculation about issues and fighting/arguing. "If it will not matter in 5 days, I am not going to waster 5 seconds arguing about it".
> 
> 99% of the stuff most couples argue about is pointless, meaningless stuff.


I agree...but we inevitably push each other buttons, intentionally or not. She loses her temper, eventually I lose mine and here we go again. I have told her over and over that we need to take a time out when this happens to cool off but nope...she prods me until I lose it. Like I said, I'm tired.


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## BootsAndJeans

UpsideDownWorld11 said:


> I agree...but we inevitably push each other buttons, intentionally or not. She loses her temper, eventually I lose mine and here we go again. I have told her over and over that we need to take a time out when this happens to cool off but nope...she prods me until I lose it. Like I said, I'm tired.


Sorry to hear that. My mother and stepfather have done this for 50 years. It is dysfunctional and creates a horrible home life. If you have kids, it is effecting them.

TOobe blunt, as person who grew up around this, fix it or leave. I hope you do not have children.


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## Rus47

BootsAndJeans said:


> I put my mindset to be continuing dating and courting her. She needs to want to choose me every day. Same for me.


This exactly. Courting should not end when the marriage begins. It needs to last a lifetime for a marriage to last.



UpsideDownWorld11 said:


> But then we have a fight or something and we are back in our negative feedback loop. I love her and I think she still loves me but I'm just tired really.


Maybe you need some MC together to learn how to “fight fair”. Our spouse is not our enemy. They are a team mate. We have one another’s back. Two against the world

“A soft answer turns away wrath”. 

Does she know that you “think” she still loves you? There ought not be any doubt about that between spouses.


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## aaarghdub

Diceplayer said:


> I heard a psychologist once say that when you wake up every day that you should ask yourself what are you going to do today to make your spouse happy.


I did this for awhile but you usually end up in a covert contract especially if they aren’t thinking the same. My DW wakes up wondering how she’s gonna make the kids happy today. . She had a traumatic childhood so romance (giving/receiving) is just not her thing.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Griswold

Neat thread. I've heard / read several sources that women's need for "novelty" is actually higher than men. This kind of fits with what So_Sweet wrote. Predictability is not necessarily the goal. In the last couple of years (we've been married over 30 years), I've decided that I need play Confuse-a-Cat with my wife. I text flirty things. I hide love notes in crazy places that I know will take her weeks to find. I drop subtle hints about what I have planned for the bedroom. I'm more "in charge" of planning bedroom activities. Speaking of bedroom activities my wife too is not one for filthy dirty talk. She's not a good southern girl by any means but she prefers gentler language. She watched Sex Ed on Netflix and thought the episodes dealing with dirty talk were cute (but not her thing). I'm concocting a scenario where she is seduced by Mr. Clean Talk....you know...."Hi. I want to to throw you on my bed and touch you to see if I can spark joy..." Stupid silly double entendres. I suspect she'll get a kick out of it. I'm hoping anyway. But constantly thinking up things to catch her off guard in a loving way is my goal.

Oh. and kissing. Lots of kissing. We have upped our kissing game so much that we are stockpiling lip balm. We gauge our romance by how much our lips are cracking and how dry they are!


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## RandomDude

so_sweet said:


> Am I a "bad woman" for liking dirty talk with my husband?
> Btw, what is a "good girl"? Just curious!
> 
> It sounds like you are doing a great job for what works in your marriage and that's awesome!
> 
> When it comes to romance, for me (generally speaking--I'm not saying anyone's way of being romantic is wrong or bad) too much of a good thing, like regularly scheduled and constant romantic gestures, would get boring and not seem special anymore. I like being pleasantly surprised by romantic gestures, in other words, I don't want to expect it--or come to expect it because it happens so frequently.
> 
> I'm very happy with the romance in my marriage, it's not too much and not too little, it's just right!
> 
> But, that's me, everyone is different.


Ex was opposite and I hated it, wanted everything scheduled, routine including all the surprises and whenever I fell short of her quota I'm just not fking good enough 🙄 because "that's just my expectations, tell me what you actually do that shows me you love me"

Meh

It takes vulnerability for romance as well, emotional availability, all that jazz. Maybe the newer generations are better at it I don't know.


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## DownByTheRiver

BootsAndJeans said:


> I want to start this thread based off a small conversation I had with @D0nnivain, on another thread.
> 
> I have heard several women (relatives, friends, on forums, in written works, videos, etc) remark and complain about having no romance from their husbands. In fact I heard a memorable description of one "Mr. Nomance".
> 
> I attended a series of classes years ago at our church for husbands. From this multi-week class, the aspects or romance really stuck with me. These aspects are in general, as all people are unique.
> 
> 
> Men are generally goal oriented. We tend to look at everything as resulting in achieving X. Marriage is no different. We plan, schedule and really invest our thoughts, actions, time and resources on courting the woman we want to marry.
> In many marriages, once the "I do's" are done, we men tend to look at it as "goal accomplished", and the courting/romancing tends to taper off. As the joke goes - the husband said "I told her I loved her when we got married - I'll let her know if I change my mind!".
> To the absolute amazement of many husbands.....wives typically do not think like this and they definitely do not have the same emotional need/wants as a man. I know...I know....to many men, this is shocking news.
> Typically men need to have their wives desire them and physically bond with them, for the man to feel emotionally inclined for romance. Women typically need the man to be romantic and intune with her, for her to be open for and desirous for physical bonding.
> A lot of the problems in marriages happen when this natural, mutually beneficial cycle gets short circuited.
> I will just give a few examples of how I try and meet my wife's desire and needs for romance and courting and have consciously done so for over 20 years of our marriage.
> 
> I tell her that I love her, even when not trying to get her clothes off and even in front of other people
> I plan dates at least twice a month
> I send her texts during the day, some to make her laugh, some to make her blush, but all to let her know I am thinking if her.
> We spend uninterrupted time together each evening, usually walking and talking.....no cell phones
> Each month, I plan and have a "basket of stuff" delivered to her office, with a personally written note from me. The basket of stuff is always different
> Her love languages are Acts of Service and Gifts, so I will also randomly just do her chores for her (laundry, bathrooms, etc) and give her the day off, while I still take care of mine (yard, vehicle maintenance, etc).
> We have a long and good marriage. We have survived some very hard things, deployment to war, PTSD, cancer and two teenagers in the house!
> 
> Just posting this a start of discussion. I have NO complaints on my end of things. I am a very satisfied and very well treated husband. Even if she can be a bit bossy .


You know, I think most women just want to know their husband is interested in them and what they do and what they think and LIKE them. Women do not measure satisfaction just through sex, that's for sure. 

You are doing above and beyond. I hope she really appreciates you. Many women would be happy with any one of those a week, really. Honestly, mainly, if you don't LIKE your woman and aren't interested in what she's thinking and doing, don't even marry her.


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## so_sweet

RandomDude said:


> Ex was opposite and I hated it, wanted everything scheduled, routine including all the surprises and whenever I fell short of her quota I'm just not fking good enough 🙄 because "that's just my expectations, tell me what you actually do that shows me you love me"
> 
> Meh
> 
> It takes vulnerability for romance as well, emotional availability, all that jazz. Maybe the newer generations are better at it I don't know.


Well, RD, I guess you two weren't a good match. I'm sure there is someone for you who will match you better and her as well. 

As for "shows me you love me" thing:
I've been feeling under the weather this weekend. My husband completely took over and did everything and anything around the house, including cook dinner, that I would've done if I wasn't feeling sick. He didn't say a word to me about any of it and just did it all. I thanked him and told him he showed me he loved me without even having to say it. 

I'm sure you did show love in many ways, but maybe she didn't realize it. That's not saying your ex was a bad person for possibly not noticing times when you did stuff that showed you loved her. Maybe you two were just a mismatched couple. 

How are things lately? Are you seeing anyone?


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## RandomDude

so_sweet said:


> Well, RD, I guess you two weren't a good match. I'm sure there is someone for you who will match you better and her as well.
> 
> As for "shows me you love me" thing:
> I've been feeling under the weather this weekend. My husband completely took over and did everything and anything around the house, including cook dinner, that I would've done if I wasn't feeling sick. He didn't say a word to me about any of it and just did it all. I thanked him and told him he showed me he loved me without even having to say it.


When I mentioned that, how I took care of her whenever she's sick or even heading out late night hunting for period pills to relieve the cramps. She says that's the bare minimum and just her expectations.



> I'm sure you did show love in many ways, but maybe she didn't realize it. That's not saying your ex was a bad person for possibly not noticing times when you did stuff that showed you loved her. Maybe you two were just a mismatched couple.
> 
> How are things lately? Are you seeing anyone?


Maybe, but your post is really messing with my head at least.
_"I like being pleasantly surprised by romantic gestures, in other words, I don't want to expect it--or come to expect it because it happens so frequently."_

Will be processing that. Years of not feeling good enough, perhaps its just one word - incompatibility, and that's it. 
I'm not good at routine, but I sure as hell am good with surprises.

And nah nah nah, I'm still in my cocoon metamorphosing into who I want myself to become.


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## so_sweet

RandomDude said:


> Maybe, but your post is really messing with my head at least.
> _"I like being pleasantly surprised by romantic gestures, in other words, I don't want to expect it--or come to expect it because it happens so frequently."_





RandomDude said:


> Will be processing that. Years of not feeling good enough, perhaps its just one word - incompatibility, and that's it.
> I'm not good at routine, but I sure as hell am good with surprises.


You ARE good enough. Don't let your ex make you feel not good enough, especially since it's to do with her high expectations. 

It sounds like she felt she deserved a lot from you for no reason other than she was your girlfriend. Is that a fair statement? Also, did she apply her quota to you? Did she do a lot for you and to the same degree she expected from you?

Is my post messing with your head because I don't want to expect romantic gestures and your ex has made you feel that all women do, and that is something you will be processing? Just trying to understand.

It's true, I like to be surprised with romantic gestures. Think of when a man proposes marriage to a woman. Even if the woman knows a proposal is coming, the moment he actually pops the question is usually a surprise to the woman. The man usually does not say, "Well, Sally, I will propose marriage to you on Tuesday at 2:30 p.m." Where would the romance be in that?! lol

On my birthday or our anniversaries (wedding and our first date), I do expect SOMETHING on those days but the element of surprise there is that I don't WHAT that something will be. Random romantic gestures I don't want to expect.

That's just me though.

I've never actually discussed this with my husband either, he likes to surprise me and I happen to be someone who likes to be surprised by my husband. We mesh in a lot of ways.

I fully believe there is a woman out there that you will mesh with.


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## RandomDude

so_sweet said:


> You ARE good enough. Don't let your ex make you feel not good enough, especially since it's to do with her high expectations.


I have high expectations as well. That's another reason. I told her on our first date she should never settle for anyone. Did I shoot myself in the foot all the way in the beginning? Maybe, but I still believe it. So if I can't feel good enough to match the expectations of the one I love, well, I don't care how high the expectations are. It's either I match them or I don't.



> She sounds like she felt she deserved a lot from you for no reason other than she was your girlfriend. Is that a fair statement? Also, did she apply her quota to you? Did she do a lot for you and to the same degree she expected from you?


Yes, she expected and gave a lot of love. Am I just a fking sh-t partner or did we just love each other in different ways and just couldn't appreciate it?



> Is my post messing with your head because I don't want to expect romantic gestures and your ex has made you feel that all women do, and that is something you will be processing? Just trying to understand.
> 
> It's true, I like to be surprised with romantic gestures. Think of when a man proposes marriage to a woman. Even if the woman knows a proposal is coming, the moment he actually pops the question is usually a surprise to the woman. The man usually does not say, "Well, Sally, I will propose marriage to you on Tuesday at 2:30 p.m." Where would the romance be in that?! lol


Because you said you don't want to expect it, and you appreciate the surprises. I enjoy surprises that made her cry in happiness, but it's not something I can do everyday or come up with all the damn time or to have that as an expectation just because she saw the other damn day some bloke on TikTok did it for his missus and wants to the world to be in awe of it or some sh-t.



> On my birthday or our anniversaries (wedding and our first date), I do expect SOMETHING on those days but the element of surprise there is that I don't WHAT that something will be. Random romantic gestures I don't want to expect.
> That's just me though.
> I've never actually discussed this with my husband either, he likes to surprise me and I happen to be someone who likes to be surprised by my husband. We mesh in a lot of ways.
> I fully believe there is a woman out there that you will mesh with.


More concerned with my own self esteem than finding anyone right now.


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## so_sweet

RandomDude said:


> So if I can't feel good enough to match the expectations of the one I love, well, I don't care how high the expectations are. It's either I match them or I don't.


If you match them happily and easily, then great. If it stresses you out to do so, then I don't think it's healthy. If you don't match them because I assume you just can't, then is that your fault? I don't think that it necessarily is. But perhaps a conversation about expectations should have been had before the relationship got serious. But now at this point, no use crying over spilled milk and you learn and move on. Its life and full of all kinds of experiences, some harder than others.


RandomDude said:


> Am I just a fking sh-t partner or did we just love each other in different ways and just couldn't appreciate it?


I think you're being really hard on yourself.


RandomDude said:


> or to have that as an expectation just because she saw the other damn day some bloke on TikTok did it for his missus and wants to the world to be in awe of it or some sh-t.


This sounds like immature behavior. And people on social media usually only show you what they want you to see. For all anyone knows, five minutes before the video of the boyfriend doing something nice for his girlfriend, he was on the couch scratching his butt and rubbing his finger under his girlfriend's nose. lol


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## RandomDude

so_sweet said:


> For all anyone knows, five minutes before the video of the boyfriend doing something nice for his girlfriend, he was on the couch scratching his butt and rubbing his finger under his girlfriend's nose. lol


Hahahaha now that's a trick 😅


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## Divinely Favored

so_sweet said:


> Btw, what is a "good girl"? Just curious!


That is what I call my wife as part of our dirty talk.


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## Divinely Favored

Wife loves the new furniture I bought for her intimate apparel with matching heels(with ankle straps😜) and toys. 😏 She has been such a good girl😋, have 3 shipments due from Amazon, today, tomorrow and next week, to fill it up the rest of the way. She loves making me happy and I in turn will give her the world to the best of my ability.￼


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## Julie's Husband

Divinely Favored said:


> Wife loves the new furniture I bought for her intimate apparel with matching heels(with ankle straps😜) and toys. 😏 She has been such a good girl😋, have 3 shipments due from Amazon, today, tomorrow and next week, to fill it up the rest of the way. She loves making me happy and I in turn will give her the world to the best of my ability.￼


And the boots...?


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## aaarghdub

DownByTheRiver said:


> You know, I think most women just want to know their husband is interested in them and what they do and what they think and LIKE them. Women do not measure satisfaction just through sex, that's for sure.


This goes both ways. Abandonment trauma feeds the inner critic’s mantra of “do they even like me?” My wife has that and is sensitive to whether I’m into her or not but TBH she’s more focused on whether the kids like her. Outside of sex, my wife is more of a “cool”’ “that’s nice” “I’m happy for you” and has to make it known that I have to see and appreciate something she’s done including how much it cost her time-, effort-, inconvenience-wise.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## DownByTheRiver

aaarghdub said:


> This goes both ways. Abandonment trauma feeds the inner critic’s mantra of “do they even like me?” My wife has that and is sensitive to whether I’m into her or not but TBH she’s more focused on whether the kids like her. Outside of sex, my wife is more of a “cool”’ “that’s nice” “I’m happy for you” and has to make it known that I have to see and appreciate something she’s done including how much it cost her time-, effort-, inconvenience-wise.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


It's not really that great to be that concerned about whether your kids like you or not. That's a trend that's happened in the last 30 or 40 years and the results have not been good from that.


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## Divinely Favored

Julie's Husband said:


> And the boots...?


She keeps her rear lace up black leather over calf boots in the closet. I call them her "riding boots." 😜I like things that are leather, lace up or have straps around those pretty little ankles. 






Those are my alligator/ostrich by the cabinet.


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