# Furious... financial question



## Mamatomany (Jan 10, 2012)

So my H moved into an apt. He has all of HIS mail going to his new place. Well his mail is also sometimes OUR mail and so now my mortgage company has us not living in our marital home and I won't know if he getting payments made or whatever. I won't get bank statements, bills for the house... I told him he could have just changed his personal mail addresses BUT he had to do a blanket change. 

Last week he supposedly paid our electric bill to avoid a disconnect but instead he paid for his services. I will not be getting those bills. 

My credit report now shows me moving and my current address not in MY house. The mortgage company will not change it. I have a feeling there is more to come. 

I am now dependent on a man who is acting irrational and has for years show that he is FINANCIALLY irresponsible. UGH!

Question w/ rant:

What can I do? 
We are just separated, I think he is trying to push my hand to file etc. I rely on his pay for the bills (we live pay check to pay check) and I have all the kids and have been rebuilding my credit since he screwed it up a few yrs ago. I really, really dislike him right now. I can't do anything rash because he could do more damage to me/kids. We have been fairly cordial. I have tried to give him stuff from the house and not ask him for anything other than see the kids/his pay check so I can continue to pay the bills.


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## sadwithouthim (Dec 8, 2011)

I'm so sorry. I feel for you. I know you said you work. Does your income cover a portion of your expenses? I was thinking maybe you could go online to directly pay some of the bills.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

I know how tough this is. My financially irresponsible estranged husband moved out and took NONE of the bills with him. That was a mess too. I did have to force the issue, since I had no income. I filed for divorce and went before the judge for temporary support payments.

In the meantime you may want to see if you can sign up to receive your bills and statements on-line. Many of our household bills were solely in my estranged husband's name. Those companies wouldn't even speak to me. I was, however, able to gain control of those things by setting up on line accounts.

Good luck!


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

Get the web site and account numbers from the old bills and sign up for e-delivery or to have access to monitor the accounts.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

Pay your bills online. We pay all our bills online. It saves us checks and stamps. It was easy to set up through our bank.


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## working_together (Oct 16, 2011)

Mama, your situation sounds similar to mine....really suck huh??


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## Mamatomany (Jan 10, 2012)

sadwithouthim said:


> I'm so sorry. I feel for you. I know you said you work. Does your income cover a portion of your expenses? I was thinking maybe you could go online to directly pay some of the bills.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I make 37% of our household income. Man that sounds horrible!


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## Mamatomany (Jan 10, 2012)

827Aug said:


> I know how tough this is. My financially irresponsible estranged husband moved out and took NONE of the bills with him. That was a mess too. I did have to force the issue, since I had no income. I filed for divorce and went before the judge for temporary support payments.
> 
> In the meantime you may want to see if you can sign up to receive your bills and statements on-line. Many of our household bills were solely in my estranged husband's name. Those companies wouldn't even speak to me. I was, however, able to gain control of those things by setting up on line accounts.
> 
> Good luck!


Exactly! Our electric company, cell service won't talk but will take payments from me if they call me about disconnects. I have 5 of my kids still in the house ... he is living carefree.


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## Mamatomany (Jan 10, 2012)

I'mInLoveWithMyHubby said:


> Pay your bills online. We pay all our bills online. It saves us checks and stamps. It was easy to set up through our bank.


Thanks, I do pay online most of them that let us, but some won't let us like our mortgage co won't let us. But all our utilities will (needed to register the kids for school) won't have our address on it! He is becoming such a bloody MLC monster!


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## Mamatomany (Jan 10, 2012)

working_together said:


> Mama, your situation sounds similar to mine....really suck huh??


Remember the show Kate & Allie. I think about this and it would be such a good situation ... I am so fed up w/ his erratic behavior!


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

With five children at home and he isn't helping? I think it's about time for him to meet the judge. I know how that can make one "boil'!


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## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

Is his paycheck going into a joint account at least? IF so, then the online bill pay would be the way to go. With all the stress going on, having everything set up automatically is a big help to me, I know. If the utilities are paying for the place where you live, that service address should be on the bill, even if it's not sent to you. We get our bills for my rental and the marital house sent to our PO box (more secure that way). I also tend to get the mail there more often, so I can make sure I get the mail I need to. If you can get the account numbers you should be able to set up everything online either through your bank, or the utility company's website without ever having to talk to anyone. 
On the other hand, if you don't have any access to his pay, then I agree with the other posters -- time to get the judge involved. If you don't want to go all the way to D right now, do you have the option of a legal separation? In my state, you have to specifically ask for one, but they are basically a D, with support agreements, etc., but neither party is free to remarry.


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## melissa68 (Feb 10, 2012)

mamatomany, I am so sorry. It's not enough the emotion devastation they put us through but then the financial too. My stbxh just cancelled a payment I made to the cable co. out of the joint acct. I don't understand how they can find any happiness or spend so much money on themselves knowing how it is hurting their family. I don't think mine even thinks of that part...just wants to hurt me but doesnt seem to care that he's hurting his child in the process. I know its the last thing you want to do, but it might be time to at least suggest to him that you will have to go and get a support order if you two can't work together on this as you dont want to lose the house and have things turned off etc.


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## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

Anymore, I think the 'Crisis' in MLC refers to the people left behind, not the spouse who leaves.


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## melissa68 (Feb 10, 2012)

I'm thinking you're right angel....an excuse to act like a selfish A-hole and have a 'reason'. I think my stbxh is just a selfish jerk period.


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## cabbage65 (Feb 14, 2012)

Mamatomany said:


> I make 37% of our household income. Man that sounds horrible!


it's more than i do! 
i'm so sorry for all you're going through mama


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## Set me FREE (Sep 5, 2011)

Ok....you need to get the ball rolling now. I was a stay at home mom for over 9 years and moved 1200 miles away from my work network...my experience in the Boston/Providence area is meaningless here in Central FL...I have been actively looking for work since 2009. Barely any interest...2 short term work at home assignments. My stbxh cut us off completely, forced us out of our home and took my car away and totaled it. Now I live in a rural area with no public transportation and I can borrow my mom's car between 10am and 6pm everyday...but at 98k miles she would prefer that I only use it sparingly. He left at the end of September, I applied for food stamps, TANF and medicaid immediately...got approved for food stamps and medicaid ...TANF is a big pain in the butt and due to my limited transportation options I do not qualify for that $300 a month and thankfully I was approved for legal aid. Because I applied for state assistance the state of Florida is also suing my stbxh....so he hired a lawyer who filed for divorce at the end of November 2011...and hour before my lawyer arrived at the courthouse to file...we have mediation mid April(useless, waste of time) and a temporary support hearing in mid May...so 9 months to maybe establish a temporary support order....during this time he has managed to total my car which caused the same injuries he suffered in a workman's comp injury 7-8 years ago(coincidence???), he stopped working and has gone from making 250k per year to letting the OW support his sorry hairy butt....he is now frantically selling off his business assets less than 2 months before the temp support hearing after letting them sit and rot all of this time and letting the business go once and for all by not filing his corporate ppwk with the state.....did I mention that he is also refusing to complete business or personal tax returns for 2010 showing he made 250k? The refusal to complete the 2010 tax return also kept me from qualifying for financial aid for this past Spring semester forcing me to wait until the Fall to start working toward my degree so I can better support my children. I was forced to move in with my mom, she buys the shampoo and soap, the clothes for the kids, puts the gas into her car to get the kids back and forth to doctor's appts along with all of her other household bills....but somehow my stbxh's motorcycle payment($300) still gets paid every month and the kids eat every single meal in a restaurant while they are with him oh yeah he also set up a gigantic salt water aquarium during this time and a tortoise habitat and can afford $200 a year memberships on kink sites so he and OW can find a 'sister slave'....if I ask him to buy them socks($10) he tells me to get a job that it's 'my turn' to support the kids...even though he insisted that I stay home all of these years. 

When the abuser leaves the abuse doesn't stop, it just continues in other ways.


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## nc_girl (Feb 12, 2012)

When I moved out and went on-line to do the address change, I was able to change the address for me only, so I think your husband could have done the same. Have you tried to go on-line and do an address change for yourself? If he has you living at his place, you could change the address for you only back to your house. Just a thought...good luck!


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## melissa68 (Feb 10, 2012)

"When the abuser leaves the abuse doesn't stop, it just continues in other ways"

Oh my gosh this is so true. My stbxh chose to quit his job instead of taking a position in another plant stating that it was so he could stay near our son....who he hasen't seen in two months. He also stated in a recent email that I could go ahead and file...that he wouldnt have an income now. What a guy. It never ends....he keeps referring to my first ex-husband stating to 'bring him to court too as the judge would like to know why I get no support from him" Gee maybe because I pick LOSERS for husbands...thats why.


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## Mamatomany (Jan 10, 2012)

nc_girl said:


> When I moved out and went on-line to do the address change,* I was able to change the address for me only*, so I think your husband could have done the same. Have you tried to go on-line and do an address change for yourself? If he has you living at his place, you could change the address for you only back to your house. Just a thought...good luck!


That's what he did. BUT anything with his name on it (and mine) is being sent to him and the PO can send a change to that address to inform them. The PO employees here aren't great us neighbors are constantly having to exchange mail. This was his intention but it's not what happened in reality. He said "sorry" and ignored my concerns. Leaving me to note it for the lawyers.


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## OldGirl (Feb 20, 2012)

827Aug said:


> With five children at home and he isn't helping? I think it's about time for him to meet the judge. I know how that can make one "boil'!


:iagree::iagree: He needs to start facing up to his responsibilities, by force if necessary.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Mamatomany said:


> Exactly! Our electric company, cell service won't talk but will take payments from me if they call me about disconnects. I have 5 of my kids still in the house ... he is living carefree.


Are these bills only in his name?

Is the mortgage in his name only? Or is it in your name as well?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

It's important to not get in a piss contest with him over this.

First thing to do is sign up for online accounts with every company you have a bill with. You can do this with your banks and other assets as well.

Then you can just download the bills and check them every months. He does not even need to know that you are doing this.


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