# Not sure what to do next



## brokenguy (Sep 7, 2015)

I need help, counsel or at least someone to talk to...

I am a guy, 34 years old. I am married for 4 years last June, my wife is 3.5 years younger, we have a 3 years old beautiful daughter. 
Our marriage has been going down the drain since 3 years ago, I think it started with argument about purchasing a house. I was under financial restrain that year as my father was in and out of hospital cause of his liver cirrhosis. After I said no to a house of her choice, she went on and buy another house without my consent... through loan from her boss. Afterward, our relationship deteriorate, she often shouts at tiniest issues, maybe I was also not being a good father as she had to deal with our newborn. Everything was slowly rotting. She refused to show affection not even hold my hands.
Anyway, after several months of sexual drought - can't even touch her hand - (about 7 months after last sexual activity) I got angry when I found she had watched lots of porn when she is on a business trip, something she didn't do at home. 
I asked whether she had someone else and took this matter to counsel, in hope she understand that I am lonely (my father passed away during this time too)
After counseling, it got even worse as the counseling had a reverse effect, now she hates me even more, so I asked my best friend (and best man) to maybe talk about it...
big mistake, I found that they had (at least a) sexual activity....while I had none for more than a year

when I confront my wife, she lied. She said they had a bet that I would jealous if I saw their texts.... 
their text was about intercourse and how the difference between doing it with me, and with him... 
I also found their hotel receipt (which she said they meet up but did nothing but talk - inside a hotel room ) and dirty laundry. Every evidence points at adultery...

Right now I don't know what to do.... I love my daughter and I don't want her to suffer through a divorce..... 
but if my wife is capable to ignore me while I am healthy and provide her with her daily needs, I am sure she'll left me when I am old or sick.
Also, I am sure my wife would put the blame on me (her family and friends dislike me ) although she was the one that wanted a divorce

At the moment I choose to live in a separate house but I play with my daughter everyday

I can't trust anyone anymore....except my daughter, who makes me happy

Any advice on how do I live from now on is appreciated...


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## BioFury (Jul 9, 2015)

They rented a hotel room together, but only talked. Sounds legit to me.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Having been through this my self and in fact talked to a "good friend" and found out he was banging my wife also....I can tell the 1st thing you need to do is distance your self from your wife....they call it the 180 so look it up.


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

Why do her friends and family dislike you?

Seeing a text comparing sex with him to sex with you is a mind movie you will never be able to get out of your brain. Would be a total deal breaker for me.

Your daughter will not "suffer" through a divorce. She's really too young for that. Do it now before she gets older, just continue being a good dad, and move on to someone who loves and appreciates you.


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## naiveonedave (Jan 9, 2014)

they f&cked. Probably many times. You need to go dark, do not talk, do not confront. Monitor. Find weightlifters evidence thread. If this is a deal breaker for you, lawyer up. Probably lawyer up either way. If you 'friend' is married or has a GF, let her know. Your evidence is way past circumstantial.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Right now any interaction with your wife will just bring more emotional torture so please trust me when I tell you your cheating wife deserves nothing but indifference from you.

The only thing you guys need to talk about is your daughter.

Sorry man but you have been replaced and you can't even start to think about saving this marriage as long as there is a 3rd person infecting it.

You can't control this so please start working on your self by working out, get back those hobbies you enjoyed before this tramp came into your life. Ya I know you love her but the fact is you loved the women you thought she was.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Gather all the evidence, get a statement of the affair. 

Lawyer up and salvage what you can.

Your young now time to start over.

Why would you want her in you life?


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

5 years ago when I was going though this shyt I just kept telling my self " I deserve good things"....every time I thought about my good friend banging my wife a repeated to my self "I deserve good things" I would have to force those dark thought out a million times a day by repeating to my self ...."I desreve good things"....


Have you talked to your best friend?

Does your wife feel sorry she got caught or is she sorry for hurting you?


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

Just file and have her served wit the papers. You can still be a good father to your daughter but the more pressing issue is that your wife is a liar and a cheat. Don't let her get away with it.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Prepare your self......if this affair gets out in the open it will destroy it and most likely your wife will want you to come back.
Now the sex is no long taboo and exciting and real life and the light of day is brought into this affair the relationship will fall apart.

There is a good chance she will come crawling back to you......and in another 5 years you will be dealing with the same crap but a different guy.


From were I'm sitting it looks like you were being set up....set up to buy a house that you could not live in, set up to be a cuckold and there is a good chance you *have* been set up to raise another mans kid.

there are two test you need to have done;
STD's on you
DNA on your daughter.


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## brokenguy (Sep 7, 2015)

the guy said:


> 5 years ago when I was going though this shyt I just kept telling my self " I deserve good things"....every time I thought about my good friend banging my wife a repeated to my self "I deserve good things" I would have to force those dark thought out a million times a day by repeating to my self ...."I desreve good things"....
> 
> 
> Have you talked to your best friend?
> ...


I talked to him, and he pretend nothing happens. 
And no she doesn't feel sorry. all apology she uttered were those lies I wrote

How do you forget that? even if I think about bang a girl, I'll remember those texts


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Think about it..."the marriage has been going down the drain for 3 years" and "we have a 3 year old daughter"......Man if you don't mind raising another mans child and paying child support for another mans child then don't worry about getting a DNA test done on your kid.


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## brokenguy (Sep 7, 2015)

the guy said:


> Prepare your self......if this affair gets out in the open it will destroy it and most likely your wife will want you to come back.
> Now the sex is no long taboo and exciting and real life and the light of day is brought into this affair the relationship will fall apart.
> 
> There is a good chance she will come crawling back to you......and in another 5 years you will be dealing with the same crap but a different guy.
> ...


She is my daughter, we look alike and she was conceived when our marriage was fine
I didn't touch her for a long time, she would refused any sexual approach from me, at times with violence (I got a kick, and elbowed once) so STD is not of concern
The house is hers, on her name, and she paid for herself (since I pay for every other everyday needs, food, bills, etc.) her salary is intact. She even got a tummy tuck recently


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## brokenguy (Sep 7, 2015)

6301 said:


> Just file and have her served wit the papers. You can still be a good father to your daughter but the more pressing issue is that your wife is a liar and a cheat. Don't let her get away with it.


Divorce is what she wants... law in my country will give her custody even with evidence of affair.


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## brokenguy (Sep 7, 2015)

the guy said:


> Think about it..."the marriage has been going down the drain for 3 years" and "we have a 3 year old daughter"......Man if you don't mind raising another mans child and paying child support for another mans child then don't worry about getting a DNA test done on your kid.


went down the drain after my daughter was born and she bought a house. I should have made it clear


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## brokenguy (Sep 7, 2015)

SecondTime'Round said:


> Why do her friends and family dislike you?


She probably told her stories. Pretty much everytime my daughter caught cold, her family will point at me and say "you infect her with cold"



> Seeing a text comparing sex with him to sex with you is a mind movie you will never be able to get out of your brain. Would be a total deal breaker for me.


That is one of the things made me unsure about the future.. how to forget that



> Your daughter will not "suffer" through a divorce. She's really too young for that. Do it now before she gets older, just continue being a good dad, and move on to someone who loves and appreciates you.


How can you be sure?


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

brokenguy said:


> I talked to him, and he pretend nothing happens.
> And no she doesn't feel sorry. all apology she uttered were those lies I wrote
> 
> How do you forget that? even if I think about bang a girl, I'll remember those texts


You can't forget and decades from now you will still remember....The fact is you remember this crap along with the memory that you did something about it and had the self respect to make the toughest decision in your life and that is to just let her go.

What doesn't kill us makes us stronger!

It's hard now but in time you will remember what this sl6t did and how you handled it .......that's the ting ....down the road when you think about it you will also think about how you handled it.

Stop sharing your wife have the confidence to just let her go and when the dark thought come back you can tell your self you had the self respect to get rid of these evil people.

They are two evil people that do not deserve you and it's not what you lost or what they did to you, but it will be what they lost and what they did to them selves.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Think about it...it's just a matter of time before one of them start cheating on each other and they will be saying the same crap to their new partner about their old partner.

Dude it's not you it's them!

The crap they texted to each other is going to happen again and the person that gets betrayed will feel the same way. I have a feeling it will be your best friend....now imagine that your wife texting a new guy talking shyt about your best friend....

The chick is broken!


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Does your best friend have a wife or girl friend?

Sorry I should be referring to him as "exBF


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

BTW the text you read between the two of them doesn't mean a thing. See the two of them have to talk shyt about you ...it lessons their guilt for doing what they are doing.

The text doesn't mean a thing it's just word they both use in justifing something that has no justification...

What do you think your wife is going to text your best friend? " I love brokenguy so much and he is such a great lover but meet me in a hotel so I can phuck his best friend"....... no she a has to make you look bad in order to make the choices she is making.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

brokenguy said:


> How can you be sure?


Look around !!!!!

There are lot of fine folks here that are going through and went through a divorce and are doing fine and the kids have adjusted well.

There are a guys that went thru the same crap with young kids and are making it work....in fact the relation with their kids is even stronger.

Face it...your little girl will be happy growing up to see daddy in a healthier relationship.

Don't be afraid to show your daughter what a healthy relationship is...and you can't to that to her if you stick around with her mother.

Come on man your daughter's mother needs a lot of help!


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## brokenguy (Sep 7, 2015)

Yeah he is married


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

For what it's worth your wife and exbf will also remember...decades from now when they are on their death bed they will wonder how much trouble they are in for committing adultery between 2012 -2015 when they meet their maker

Does other mans wife (OMW) know?

Dude she has to be told!!!!!!!!!!!

Please tell me you exposed this affair.


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## brokenguy (Sep 7, 2015)

Thank you the guy, I'll think about it...it's midnight here I'm gonna sleep for now. Do you think there'sa chance my wife wiuld change?


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## Roselyn (Sep 19, 2010)

Your wife purchases a house without you, has an affair with your best friend, hasn't had sex with you for 7 months, and does not have respect for you. You are living apart. What's there to salvage?

See a divorce attorney. Inform the wife of your married best friend of their affair. Ignore your wife's relatives. Your wife's relatives will also side with her. Don't waste your time.

It's time for you to move on. See a psychologist to set your mind straight so that you can heal faster. Be done with this marriage akin to a nightmare. Sorry you are here.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

not until...
1) she admits her adultery
2) has the remorse to make things right by telling her family
3) wants individual counseling
4) wants marriage counseling.
5) gives you the same thing she gave the OM
6) stops all contact with OM 
7) excepts any and all consequences you have to offer
8)at the end of the day she has to own what she did and learn the tools to have a healthy relationship and affair proof a marriage.


Until she can even admit to what she did she will never change. Sorry


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## Vulcan2013 (Sep 25, 2013)

I think you should assume your wife won't change. She has no respect for you, and that's impossible to recover from. She may have an epiphany, but don't expect it. In fact, as you pull away, she may "Hoover" you to pull you back in. 

She sounds like she has a serious personality disorder. 

Hit the gym, separate finances, work the 180 and see a lawyer. Hit the eject button and don't look back. Get some counseling to find why you've tolerated being treated this way. Women can't stand being in relationship with weak, passive men who won't stand up to them, and that's the vibe I'm getting from you. You deserve better, as @the guy said.


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## MountainRunner (Dec 30, 2014)

the guy said:


> not until...
> 1) she admits her adultery
> 2) has the remorse to make things right by telling her family
> 3) wants individual counseling
> ...


QFT...


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## carmen ohio (Sep 24, 2012)

brokenguy said:


> Thank you the guy, I'll think about it...it's midnight here I'm gonna sleep for now. Do you think there'sa chance my wife wiuld change?


Dear brokenguy,

Of course there is a chance. Unfortunately, it is about the same chance as that of aliens landing on earth in the next couple of weeks and teaching us how to cure cancer, have free energy and achieve world peace.

I'm really sorry for what has happened to you but there is nothing that you or anyone else can do to change that. So forget about the past and stop trying to figure out what went wrong. Your job, now, is to do what is best for you and your daughter so that the two of you can have the best possible future.

Here's what you need to do:

1) Your first task is to protect your access to your daughter. Consult with an attorney about fathers' child custody rights in your country. Don't assume you know what the law provides, talk to a qualified attorney. You should also ask the attorney how to protect yourself from false accusations (e.g., by havng a VAR with you when you are around your wife).

2) Make sure everybody who has an interest in your family (your parents and siblings, her parents and siblings, close friends, any clergy, important work colleagues like your boss) know what has happened and that she continues to cheat on you. Ask those who can to help you by urging her to stop cheating.

3) For the time being, continue to fulfill your family duties. Keep working, helping with your child, helping around the house, etc. Do not move out of your house unless you are legally forced to do so.

4) However, and this is very important, stop communicating with her about anything other than things that have to do with your child or your living arrangements (bills, shopping, etc.). Above all, do not initiate conversations about what she is doing or how you feel. If she bring us what is going on, just say "Is that so?" or "I see" and don't engage. As best you can, maintain an air of indifference to all matters pertaining to her and her activities. If she starts to act friendly, ignore it unless she ends the affair, apologizes for what she's done and demonstrates genuine remorse.

5) Do things that your good for your physical, mental and spiritual health. Eat right, get enough rest, exercise, spend time on outside interests or hobbies, go to church if you're religious or, if not, read books about how to be a better person. In other words, strive to become the best person you can be.

6) Then, wait and see what happens.

It is possible, albeit rather unlikely, that your wife will see a change in you, begin to feel remorse for what she's done and start to talk about reconciling. However, even if this does not happen (and it probably won't), what will happen is that, in a month or two, you will feel better about yourself, you will start thinking more clearly, you will be more optimistic about the future and you will begin to figure out what you need to do next.

Unfortunately, there is no magic formula for fixing a marriage that has be damaged by infidelity. However, there are things that you can do to rebuild your life. The sooner you start doing them, the sooner you will be happy again.

One last piece of advice: to the extent you are able, do what your rational mind tells you to do, rather than what your emotions make you want to do. In situations like this, your head is a surer guide than you heart.

Wishing you and your daughter the best.


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

brokenguy said:


> That is one of the things made me unsure about the future.. how to forget that


I can clear that "unsure about the future" up for you my man. You ain't got no future with her. Forget this crap about saving your marriage. She was done with you before she purchased the house and the last thing she thinks about is you and how much you love her and the daughter. You may do something to run the other guy off but she ain't ever going to think you're anything but her reject. Pack up your gear and move along. Ain't nothing left to see there.


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## ScrambledEggs (Jan 14, 2014)

You are getting lots of good advice here--take it.

Let me add you need to stop thinking of yourself a the "brokenguy". Don't give her the satisfaction of having that kind of power over you. You will need your inner drive and a sense of greater worth to emerge from this in the best possible way. 

It is not too soon for this advice. It is never too soon for this advice.


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## brokenguy (Sep 7, 2015)

thank you everybody, for your kindness

I can't express how much this means to me.... it's been a hard couple of years


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

ThePheonix said:


> I can clear that "unsure about the future" up for you my man. You ain't got no future with her. Forget this crap about saving your marriage. She was done with you before she purchased the house and the last thing she thinks about is you and how much you love her and the daughter. You may do something to run the other guy off but she ain't ever going to think you're anything but her reject. Pack up your gear and move along. Ain't nothing left to see there.


I have to agree with this. 

You have been married for only such a short while and she is already acting like this? No. Don't ruin the rest of your life staying with this broken, dysfunctional human being. There us seriously something wrong with her. 

Fight for your custody rights and initiate divorce. Life will never be good with this woman.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Why on earth would you ask your best man/friend to talk to her, maybe a female friend but another man, there is really something wrong with your thinking.

Regardless of the actual acts between them neither your wife or best friend respects you. Dump both of them. You are living seperately so you can do this more easily.
Approach a good lawyer to find out what you need to do, do the 180 on her, and go dark with no contact.
Contact her family, friends and your own family and friends and tell them what she has been doing with your best man (they all probably know him too). Is your best man married also? If so inform his wife and maybe even his family, blow them out of the water and do not give them a chance to continue this dalliance or rewrite history. She will probably paint you out to be the cause of the divorce.

if she wants the divorce there is nothing you can do to stop her except exercise your rights with regard to the child. Let her have what she wants. Try to help yourself, and move on.


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## brokenguy (Sep 7, 2015)

aine said:


> Why on earth would you ask your best man/friend to talk to her, maybe a female friend but another man, there is really something wrong with your thinking.
> 
> Regardless of the actual acts between them neither your wife or best friend respects you. Dump both of them. You are living seperately so you can do this more easily.
> Approach a good lawyer to find out what you need to do, do the 180 on her, and go dark with no contact.
> ...


I didn't ask him per se, I told him the situation between me and my wife because I was stressed out ( the part where I got no sex for months). He initiated contact afterward.


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## Graywolf2 (Nov 10, 2013)

Your wife is a shrew that screws other men and lies about it. You thought your marriage was fine but did she? Three year old kids can look pretty generic and people tend to see what they want to see. 

Invest $30 in a DNA kit that you can get in almost any drug store, Amazon or Walmart. Swab the inside of your cheek and the kids (she is too young to know what you’re doing) and send it to a lab with $130 more. For $160 you will know 100% forever. Well worth the price even if you’re 99% sure now.


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## Sports Fan (Aug 21, 2014)

Investigate the laws in your country by seeing a solicitor. Use whatever evidence you have to expose them both. Especially to his wife. Go dark. File for custody of your daughter. Unless you harden up and offer up consequences nothing will ever change.

I'm truly sorry you are here


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## Mr Blunt (Jul 18, 2012)

Broken guy
Your title of your thread is *"Not sure what to do next"*

Carmen in Ohio has given you *detailed* advice as to what to do in the previous post. I will just add this.

You should force yourself to only concentrate on you getting away from your wife and getting as much custody of your child. *Any time you spend on thoughts or actions about your wife; trying to understand, trying to think of ways to make it work, thinking of ways to hate her, etc., will be efforts that you are taking away from yourself getting better and being an even better father to your daughter.* I know you worry a lot about your daughter but you will be even better father when you do not have the stress and great put downs and disrespect that your wife is helping on you. *You will not be able to help your daughter as much if you keep this woman in your life because she has torn you down to the ground and has shown no sign of changing.*

Your marriage is toast! Now be smart and work hard for ONLY you and your daughter and do not let your wife take any 0f your time or thoughts. In your relationship with your wife you are in the jungle kingdom and only the strong will survive. You are either going to fight smart or you are going to crumble and cave in. *You will be able to be much better for your daughter with your wife completely out of your life.* Do no let your affectionate emotions or hurt emotions overrule your mind and the help you get from others that know how to go about this. The sooner you make up your mind and start with your plan that is planned by you and the ones that know how, the sooner you will get better for you and your daughter.
Your emotional health is at stake!


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## Be smart (Feb 22, 2015)

Just pack your bags and gtfo.
Your wife is crazy and you are even more crazier then her.

You keep living with that woman,your wife who denies you sex,intimate conact,sleeps with your best friend,talks bad about you to her friends and parents.

Man,I am sorry for you but just file for D.
Your daughter will be OK and she will understand and respect you even more when she founds out about her mom.


Stay strong and file for D asap


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## brokenguy (Sep 7, 2015)

How to break the divorce news to my daughter ? Even if she doesn't understand now, she will later.


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## carmen ohio (Sep 24, 2012)

brokenguy said:


> How to break the divorce news to my daughter ? Even if she doesn't understand now, she will later.


Dear brokenguy,

You need to be honest with your D but also sensitive to her innocence.

You goal is to help her understand and accept that her parents are divorcing, while reassuring her that you love her and will continue to take care of her and protect her. Some would say that you should also tell her that her mother loves her but, IMO, you should let your WW speak for herself. However, if you know how child custody will be handled, then it would be appropriate to tell her that (e.g., that you and your WW will be taking turns caring for her).

Also controversial is whether you should tell her in some manner the reason for the divorce. Some say 'no' because you shouldn't undermine the relationship between the WW and her child. But, IMO, you need to at least allude to the fact that your WW did something wrong so that your D can put the divorce in context. Simply saying that 'your parents don't love each other any more' or that 'things didn't work out' leaves a child with the impression that love is fleeting and the world is an irrational place. Better for her to know that, sometimes, the one's we love do bad things and, when they do, there are negative consequences.

I hope this is of some help to you.


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## Space Mountain (Jul 19, 2015)

Brokenguy,

You have been married to her for 4 years and 3 of the years have been bad. That means that at least 75 % of your married life with her has been miserable. You said that you went a whole year of that 4 years without sex. She cheats on you, disrespects and makes fun of you. Are you a glutton for punishment? You are supposed to be still in the honeymoon stage.

Your marriage to her brings you no joy or has any added value to your life what so ever and it does not look like it will change. She gives you no emotional support or physical intimacy. The only thing she gives you is a hurt, agony and heart break. 

Do you want to spend the rest of you life like this? If she did change her mind and things did go back to the way it was that first year, chances are some ever so slight thing you say or do would make her return to anger and go off the deep end again. Do you want to spend the rest of you life worrying about your wife sleeping with your other friends, neighbors, coworkers and strangers because you made a decision that she did not like? 

You have only been married to her for 4 years, so cut you losses now and pull the plug. You are still young and could have a long happy life with someone that loves, appreciates, and is faithful to you the way a good marriage is supposed to work.

Separate your finances! Do not pay any of her bills!! Do not enable or reward her for kicking you in the nads. Start the 180, lawyer up and file. Get tested for STDs. As hard as it may be to do, DNA test your daughter. When the DNA test comes back and she is yours, make her the most important part of your life.

Regain your life and be happy while you still have time.


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## brokenguy (Sep 7, 2015)

Thank you for all the advice, it has helped me tremendously.

Here is the update of the past month:

I am doing the 180, pretty hard to be honest, especially the not spying part (which yes, that means I still feel jealous), but I am doing the non-talking and makes yourself better quite okay-ish I think.
About the relationship itself, I moved out of the house, and not along after, my wife changed the locks and she did not give me any spare key. 
She told me she has filed for divorce because I can't trust her, and we now wait for the court summon. 

Oh, through a bizarre event, her mom has now known she had cheated. 
She was pissed for about 5-10 minutes before immediately afterward believe in her excuses which are:
1. "we met in a hotel because the guy paid for the room cause of credit card discount, and he left afterward" ( although I showed her mom, a photo of my wife's stained sexy lingerie she wore that day)
2."The sex text messages was a ruse between me and him to test whether my husband still spies on my phone" (although I told her mom, my wife's phone is locked and she erased those messages daily)

All in all, her family isn't going to believe me anyway, and realization that this marriage is toast has sunk in. Now, I am pretty much entering hostile territory everytime I go to see my daughter 

She is living the life now... free of me, as visible through her facebook wall.... but to be honest, although saying I don't want time to turn back to our wedding day is a lie, I don't feel anything anymore


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## Vulcan2013 (Sep 25, 2013)

This is called "gaslighting" from an old movie. Deny everything in spite of all the obvious evidence. It's a very cruel tactic, right out of the cheaters handbook. Just roll your eyes, laugh, and sneer, "whatever, slvt". She's trying to protect her image at the expense of your well being. Laughing at it will really piss her off.


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## Be smart (Feb 22, 2015)

Her family is even worse then her.

Stay strong and keep improving yourself. Go to gym,go out with friends. Spend as much time as you can with your daughter.

Stop looking at her fb. page. You know she happy now that you are out,so you need to show her,others and most importantly to yourself that you are going to be even happier.

You deserve some happiness in your life my friend.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

You are a lucky man to be ridding yourself of this creature. Stay on the 180, stick to the high road, be the best dad you can be to your kids and one day happiness will find you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## brokenguy (Sep 7, 2015)

well... my wife and her family has sunk their teeth in my daughter though... that part is annoying at least and could be painful in the future.

This morning when I visit (I regularly meet my daughter before going to work), my daughter said "Papa, you aren't giving mama money"
well... why would a 3 years old toddler said something like that since she doesn't understand concept of money yet, and why would she know whether I gave her money or not. 
Last month, I subtracted my wife's monthly amount since simply I don't sleep or eat or use electricity in her house but I gave my wife my daughter's school fee and milk money. It was only last month, and this already appear. I guess she was pissed she isn't getting the same amount I gave her when we are together......
Apparently after I asked around among my friends, what I gave her in the past where much more than what many housewives get in my city/country in our social level (middle class).

she apparently also being taught like "Papa, you can't call JJ small""Papa, you can't lift me around, JJ is big not small""please don't take JJ to (my own house)" and other stuff to stop her getting closer to me.

Any advice on dealing with this issue? 
At the moment, I am preparing myself for the "Evil Father that left me" brand that my daughter could have about me.. at least until she is teenager and can be reasoned with


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## RV9 (Sep 29, 2014)

brokenguy said:


> well... my wife and her family has sunk their teeth in my daughter though... that part is annoying at least and could be painful in the future.
> 
> This morning when I visit (I regularly meet my daughter before going to work), my daughter said "Papa, you aren't giving mama money"
> well... why would a 3 years old toddler said something like that since she doesn't understand concept of money yet, and why would she know whether I gave her money or not.
> ...


hope you are documenting everything. Check with a lawyer if you can file for parental alienation.


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## Be smart (Feb 22, 2015)

brokenguy said:


> well... my wife and her family has sunk their teeth in my daughter though... that part is annoying at least and could be painful in the future.
> 
> This morning when I visit (I regularly meet my daughter before going to work), my daughter said "Papa, you aren't giving mama money"
> well... why would a 3 years old toddler said something like that since she doesn't understand concept of money yet, and why would she know whether I gave her money or not.
> ...


This is why you should talk with lawyer. This is why you should expose her affair to everbody. 

Next time your friends will asking you why are leaving your wife and daughter for another woman !!! 

Your wife and her family is spreading really bad things about you.

She is doing what she wants and you are just "eating" it.
Go to your lawyer asap.

Talk with your daughter,dont let them poison her brain.


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## brokenguy (Sep 7, 2015)

First, I would like to thank the people here for your advice through one of the toughest days of my life... I never thought I can find help from anonymous people on the internet but I was completely wrong. Thank you

Second, I confronted my wife about her cheating act, and instead of asking for forgiveness, she sued for divorce..... 
well, I went through with the process, she even tried to make me absent from court summon by not telling me the date, and (I think) her lawyer bribed the court clerk as the summon wasn't given to me or my mother (who opened the door for the clerk) but it was delivered in urban village office. Well, anyway, court divorced us, she kept our daughter as expected but I made an agreement that I can visit her anytime. Alimony was kept to a minimum as I think the judges can see who was at fault here.

Third, Trying my best to stay the **** out of her life, as she somewhat explode in her newfound freedom.... in negative way, if you know what I am getting at.

Fourth, I really want to get on with my life, finding a new spouse and all... but I find women has a negative view whenever I mention "I am divorced" even though I explain this isn't what I wanted... 
Any advice on approaching women? 
Do remember "the go out to clubs, meet new girls, have one night stand etc." is harder to apply in my case... I also been out of loop for 7 years, flirting is a rusty skill.... playing with my daughter is my more polished skill these days.

Above all, thank you for making me not so broken..


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

BG,

You shouldn't rush out to hook up with anyone else. The problem is all of us are flawed and we carry those flaws from one relationship to another unless we are prepared to do something about them.
I would suggest you start working on yourself to become a better man, get healthy and fit, (join a gym) take up personal development courses, pursue a new hobby, do some charity work at weekends. Your life can be very fulfilling and complete without a woman right now. I guess you can go on dates, you will meet people through the activities I mentioned above. Just take your time, there is no rush.


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## brokenguy (Sep 7, 2015)

aine said:


> BG,
> 
> You shouldn't rush out to hook up with anyone else. The problem is all of us are flawed and we carry those flaws from one relationship to another unless we are prepared to do something about them.
> I would suggest you start working on yourself to become a better man, get healthy and fit, (join a gym) take up personal development courses, pursue a new hobby, do some charity work at weekends. Your life can be very fulfilling and complete without a woman right now. I guess you can go on dates, you will meet people through the activities I mentioned above. Just take your time, there is no rush.


that is a dilemma, I know I should not enter a relationship just yet, but on the other hand, how can I move on if I at least not try to find new people.

I'll try those activities though.. thank you


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

A church singles class is an excellent place to meet women. Also a park with your kid or walking a dog. Bars are usually not that great and there's a thin line between being a cool, friendly guy and a creepy guy (and easy to cross over especially if you're inexperienced or uncomfortable in this environment. If you're doing bars, stick to happy hour where meeting women is more conducive. Target other things women are usually more interested in, museums, art shows, etc. And there less competition from other men.


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## brokenguy (Sep 7, 2015)

One thing I should make clear to ask is "how do you handle society view?" as it is I am viewed as a lousy spouse target because I am divorce..... which I admit if I am in their shoes I would think twice also


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Lol, you are in for a strange ride. There are a mind boggling large amount of women out there looking for a man. Take your time and don't worry about it. They will find YOU. Divorced means little, 99% of the women you meet at this age are divorced also. You worry too much
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

brokenguy said:


> First, I would like to thank the people here for your advice through one of the toughest days of my life... I never thought I can find help from anonymous people on the internet but I was completely wrong. Thank you
> 
> Second, I confronted my wife about her cheating act, and instead of asking for forgiveness, she sued for divorce.....
> well, I went through with the process, she even tried to make me absent from court summon by not telling me the date, and (I think) her lawyer bribed the court clerk as the summon wasn't given to me or my mother (who opened the door for the clerk) but it was delivered in urban village office. Well, anyway, court divorced us, she kept our daughter as expected but I made an agreement that I can visit her anytime. Alimony was kept to a minimum as I think the judges can see who was at fault here.
> ...


Telling them divorce isn't what you wanted etc tells people your still attached emotionally to your ex. Worry less about about the details and explaining it all.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Stop talking about what happened in your life and start talking about what *is* going to happen.

Keep conversations more focused on what your goals are for the future.


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## TAMAT (Jun 20, 2015)

BrokenGuy,

Just be perfectly and completely honest and upfront, tell them the whole story if they want to listen. You do not want to start your next relationship dishonestly. If you are rejected for doing so immediately it is much better than hiding what happened and having them find out a year later.

Tamat


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## BobSimmons (Mar 2, 2013)

brokenguy said:


> One thing I should make clear to ask is "how do you handle society view?" as it is I am viewed as a lousy spouse target because I am divorce..... which I admit if I am in their shoes I would think twice also


That's your first problem. Giving a toss what people think. Do you think a cheater sails into relationship after relationship thinking "Society views me as a cheater, thus I can't hook up and make a lousy hook up target" Of course not. They just don't give a toss.

My bet is right now all the negative thinking, the I've been out the loop for 7 years, how do I talk a woman into bed with just three words..forget about that. It always starts with self.

It's why people say don't dive headfirst into dating. Sure dive head first into talking with women, engaging with women, getting comfortable with them, but work on yourself and your esteem, the rest comes easily man.

Again, stop with the "world sees me as divorced thus women think this or that" You approach things with honesty, whether they take that honesty says more about them than you.


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## Be smart (Feb 22, 2015)

Happy to see you back @brokenguy.

You are lucky guy to get rid of her cheating a$$ with minimal alimony and you can see your daughter any time you want. Happy for you.

You should not care about what other people think about you and you being a divorced man now.
You have freedom now and enjoy yourself. Dont even think about ex-wife,let her do whatever she wants. She is not your problem anymore.

Spend your time with daughter,find new friends,go to nice mountain (I do that when I feel down).

About you finding a new girl-please dont look at the bar. I used to have one from bar and she $hitt all over me. In my case my love for mountains gave me love of my life. I met a really nice lady there and I am happy now .

Best wishes to you my friend.
Sry. for grammar mistakes.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

ThePheonix said:


> A church singles class is an excellent place to meet women.


Nooooooooooo!

OP you stay away from single or divorced churchified women. They are the absolute worst cheaters in existence. I'd rather date a porn star. At least a porn star is honest. 



Sorry..recovering Baptist here.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

bandit.45 said:


> Nooooooooooo!
> 
> OP you stay away from single or divorced churchified women. They are the absolute worst cheaters in existence. I'd rather date a porn star. At least a porn star is honest.
> 
> ...


I can see where that could be true.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

There are good, moral Christian women still out there. 

Have you ever panned for gold? It can take years of toil to find one good nugget. That's how hard it is to find a Christian woman who is a real Christian.


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