# Please help with suggesions,,My Husband LIES for no reason!!



## Suurri (Sep 18, 2010)

*[B]Hi everyone. I am brand new to this forum and never in my wildest dreams thought I'd ever be writing about my husband in a negative way. I REALLY NEED HELP figuring out what is going on..what am I missing?? First of all...we have been together about 18 years. Dated 14+ yrs before we got married in '07. I am going to try to quickly sum up this issue because I could say sooo much, but I dont want to loose anyones attention so that I may, hopefully get some help. 
For the last approx. 2 1/2 years things with my husband have been changing. Now as far as the last 8 months they have drastically changed to the point that I feel as though I am an outsider and "Who is this man in my house?"
It started with getting behind on the bills and we've always had it worked out that he is the one who takes care of making sure the bills are written out & sent off. I started noticing "late" notices and "disconnect notices" and all he would say is that not to worry he is paying the bills. (Our money is joint but he has full access to debt card now...and now , within the last year, it seems like I have to ask "Permission" to use it. and when I do He gives me the third degree on what I need to buy. (Well geez..laundry soap, food for the house..you know nothing grandeous!! ) and he will litterilly say "That will have to wait a few days." or he will say "didnt you just get laundry soap .."How much are you using" etc..Third degree on EVERYTHING. Anyway...All the while he is telling me he is paying the bills and I need to understand money, budgeting and that I am so clueless about bills. **Let me go back for a second and tell you that this had NEVER been an issue.. I am 8 years older then him and I ALWAYS paid bills my whole life. Worked since I was 12 & had my own appt. at 17 years old. Our whole relationship we NEVER fought about money..or buying things, Yes..we are careful spenders and make a modest living, nothing extravigant but we've always been happy and been "Partners" when it comes to finances. We also have always let each other be who we are..I never questioned him, nor he question me. I had seriously felt as though he was the man I would always be with. So anyway...now... he is Not paying the bills (But saying he is) I've had just about every service I have..shut Off , such as gas, power, cable, water..You name it. They actually have come to my door wanting money..saying they spoke with my husband and he promised to pay a certain date..and he neglected to do so. I can't count the times this has happend over the last 8 months! When I confront him about it..he ball face lies and says either "They are screwing us.. he IS paying the bills...they are crossing in mail..or he will say that they renigged on the payment agreement and its their fault . AND..at the same time... HE tells me, that I am the cause we are in a money bind..etc...and I dont even have access to the debt card anymore!!! So...(Ahhh..i just want to get to the point) Anyway...i found out that he has been buying things...ALOT OF THINGS...HUNDREDS & HUNDREDS OF DOLLARS WORTH of things and HIDING THEM !!! Anywhere from brand new clothes for work..(Complete outfits ..(not even needed)head to toe) also..new accessories for his car, His guitar his cell phone toys, apps.. over $500 in just stuff to go bike riding in..things that he already had!! the list could go on..Its crazy and HIDING it ALL !!! while he is buying and Not paying the bills, he is seemingly trying to make me think the money issues are my fault , which is crazy because its been so long since I've been able to buy myself something I can't even recall what it was. A few months ago, I had an appointment and it was close to my husbands work. My vehicle was on empty and I still needed to drive a half hour to get home. I wouldnt of made it. So I stopped at his work to get some gas money and he..NO Joke, handed me $5 !!! Has anyone noticed the price of gas lately? Gee that might get me a couple blocks in my SUV. :scratchhead: * He said he was going to keep the debt card..for his lunch !!!! (something is so wrong here!!??)
As I read back on all i've written , what comes to mind is that you are all probably sensing that he is having an affair. Which, has crossed my mind.. and No I'm not nieve ..but If you knew him, it would truly truly be so hard to believe. I dont want to get too personal but our 'private' life has always been very good.. Always make the time to be with one another and we always talked openly about pleasing one another and there were never any complaints on either side. We both felt pretty lucky in that area.Also, just the type of person he 'is' (er..'was'(?) he's never ever given a cause to ever think he'd cheat.. So..That said, there is another 'something' i found within all the 'hidden' stuff and that is packages of "EXTENZE" (yea..the male enhancement drug!!)some empty pkgs..some half empty &LOTS of Empty (already used) ones. He..BY all means..DOES NOT NEED THAT..I've actually told him that in several conversations when we've talked about things. Ive always felt very fortunate that he is equipted as he is and when weve talked about the viagra etc...I always said "no need to fix it if it aint broke" and we'd laugh...and that was that. SO ..wtf !?? a few hundred dollars on EXTENZE??? and they were HIDDEN in Each of his vehicles.. NONE in the HOUSE. They werent just hidden..they were TRULY HIDDEN.. 
Yes... to what you are all thinking...I confronted him on it. !! and he said ..(get this) that they were for "ME"..yes, that he wanted to try to have more stamina.. for me. That he doesnt like it when he doesnt last long enough and then I dont get gratification. (Since WHEN HAVE I COMPLAINED?? NEVER) .
so since that day..Its been real rough.After catching him in lies and hiding stuff etc...I told him we really need to talk. He agreed. and also gave some lame excuse for all the purchases that when he bought them..he felt guilty, so he hid them. (Ohhh RIGHT!!?? Im not stupid) so here we are tothis last week..Waiting for a day he has off so that we can talk and clear whatevers going on up. I also ..as much as I miss being intimate with him, I told him I cant right now..I need to think clearly using my head and not involve my heart right now. 
So what happend 2 days ago...???? He ball face lied to me again!!! And tried to tell me he went to ONE store first, to get a certyain item on the grocery list cause it was cheaper) THEN went on his bike ride..THEN went to get the rest of groceries. Well..What he REALLY did is went to the ONE STORE FIRST..Not for a cheaper grocery item..But to buy a Brand new jacket AND brand new riding glasses ! I checked in his car when he got home that evening...thats how I found the coat & glasses.. So I went in to find the grocery reciept and sure enough..the one item he supposidly stopped at the FIRST store for, was on the reciept with the main groceries from the 2nd store. (The first store was before his bike ride..in the afternoon& the grocery store was in the evening..so there is NO mistaking he LIED!!!
Yesterday morning I told him that I KNOW FOR A FACT HE WAS LYING TO ME. (I didnt say what I knew or how I knew it) . he kept denying any lie..etc...telling me he doesnt know what Im talking about..telling me that I'm 'Psycho" !! I left to take my momma to the Dr. and when I came back..I went out to see if the coat was still in his car & GET THIS....He actually took it out (Its a gray jacket) HID IT and replaced it with a long sleeve gray shirt he has so that I will think I imagined it being a coat!! that it was really his shirt!! WTF??!! I found the coat too..it was hidden all crammed in a corner behind a bunch of stuff in the garage.:scratchhead::scratchhead:
Someone pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease ...any suggestions about what is going on?????? I have spent so many sleepless nights, searching my brain... he wont stop being so decietfull.. and then trying to make me look like I'm the crazy one. He actually said that to me.."You just mix things up in your head"
Thank you everyone for reading this long winded post..!!! I am in neeed of feed back. please.
~Suurri[/B]


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## Susan2010 (Apr 19, 2010)

Every single solitary thing he has done; every single solitary thing he has said; every single solitary time he tried to make you look stupid, tried to make you think you are crazy, and tried to put everything off on you and blame you are classic examples of you know what. I am not even going to say it because you know what is going on. My only question is why you want others to tell you. 

All the lying and not paying the bills alone is enough for me to leave him. Don't say another word because it will only lead to more lies and ridiculous, pointless arguments. Just leave. Better yet, let him come home from work tomorrow to find all his bags packed and on the lawn. Change the locks. Unless just like here, you need to hear the words and want him to confess. He isn't going to confess. He has gotten you into debt and so far, you have no idea how bad it is. You probably don't have money in the bank if you did want to go. All the more reason to put him out. I initially thought he is either cheating, gambling, or planning to move out. The more I read, the more gambling and moving were ruled out. You have to get ahead of him before he ruins you. Act now and stop waiting around for more discovery and heartache.


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

I think you've put up with it for far too long, though it's understandable that it would be so hard to believe what you were seeing from someone you loved. You've had enough time now to absorb what he's doing, enough time to take off the rose coloured glasses.

Start thinking about where his actions are going to take you, and what his responses have been to your questions. It doesn't sound like he will listen to you, or change back to the person you thought you married. This is the person you are married to now. Would you have married someone like this? I would guess not, it would mean financial ruin and heartache and possibly becoming homeless. So why are you staying in a marriage to someone like that?


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