# Last hurdle for reconciliation



## Oneillo77 (Sep 13, 2021)

From my previous post my wife and i started a trail separation due to alcohol abuse. Nothing physical be were were always fighting and yelling. We have been separated for three months and i have been sober for 90 days. I went to rehab, both got IC, and are seeing a MC as well. We see each other everyday because of the kids (Living out of house). We talk and text all day and been getting along awesome. She is everything to me, love her dearly. 

The last main issue is she is scared of relapse. I‘M still doing outpatient treatment, attending AA, taking meds for it Antibuse & Naltrexon. These help with cravings and the other will make be sick if i have alcohol. I’ve also said i would take breath tests or wear some kind of monitoring system to help her With the uneasines. 

Reaching out for any recommendations you might have. I am doing everything i can, that i can think of to help her thoughts on relapse. Other things i could do would me welcomed because I’m running out of things i can work on.


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## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

I'm going to say it this way. You're an addict. You will always be an addict. I don't say that frivolously. Your seratonin pathways are harder to activate than the average person. That's the biological basis for addiction..

Addiction is also fed by the self-perception of loneliness and purposelessness. A massive study out of Vietnam, during the Vietnam war, showed that 95% of all hardcore addicts were able to kick the habit without intervention once they got home and started interacting with their families and getting back into socialization.

So, interact with your family as if you are loved, because you are. You can have confidence on that.

Also find a meaningful hobby or work that brings meaning to you that can replace the alcohol.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

Has she stopped or cut back on her drinking or is she still drinking every night. 
It’s like I told you two months ago, if you move back in and she’s drinking every night it’s going to be very difficult for you to stay sober. 
I think you need to make one more attempt at discussing you moving home and if she still doesn’t want it then you need to start looking for a place of your own and maybe talk to a lawyer and see where you stand financially speaking. I know some people told you that you should never have left your house but you wouldn’t have gotten sober if you stayed. 
Two months sober is great so well done but you have a long way to go my friend and a co-dependant relationship with another alcoholic is not going to end well.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

She's wise to wait. There are alcoholics who never feel they are safe from relapse.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

DownByTheRiver said:


> She's wise to wait. *There are alcoholics who never feel they are safe from relapse.*


Nor, should they ever feel safe.
They should use that fear as a shield, not as an excuse to fall into the bottle again.


Quitting alcohol is harder than quitting heroin.
Um, that is what I have been told!


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## chazmataz33 (Apr 18, 2021)

How are you?


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## Oneillo77 (Sep 13, 2021)

chazmataz33 said:


> How are you?


I’m doing good. Just following through with all the changes I’ve made. Still not home but wife and I are working on that. Doing both independent and couples therapy, we both are. She gave a timeline of 6 and 12 months where we discuss moving back in. That will been in feb. all I can do if keep moving forward and know I am giving it 150% everyday. 
Not really sure if there is anything else I can do. Any thoughts or books?


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## chazmataz33 (Apr 18, 2021)

Yeah,praying only for the knowledge of Gods will for me and the power to carry that out! Just know that God knows what best for us but we want what we want and we want it NOW! So work on one day at at time! Good job so far just remember you're only sober for today,what you do today helps for tommorrow. Do you read the big book? I been sober 34 years and I only got today! You got a sponser?


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## Oneillo77 (Sep 13, 2021)

chazmataz33 said:


> Yeah,praying only for the knowledge of Gods will for me and the power to carry that out! Just know that God knows what best for us but we want what we want and we want it NOW! So work on one day at at time! Good job so far just remember you're only sober for today,what you do today helps for tommorrow. Do you read the big book? I been sober 34 years and I only got today! You got a sponser?


Yes, I have the book and sponsor. Attending 3 outpatient group meetings and 4 aa meetings a week. Doing really well so far. The patience on getting back with the family is what is killing me. Probably the hardest thing if ever been through in my life, the unknown. My kids want our full family back together.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Is your wife still drinking?


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## Oneillo77 (Sep 13, 2021)

Blondilocks said:


> Is your wife still drinking?


No she is not. We both realize it was doing no good


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## CurlsAtx (12 mo ago)

Whatever you’re doing, it’s more than my spouse was. He hid a drinking problem for me for over a year (we both probably drank too much but he would lie about drinking at all and led me to believe it was a diabetic issue…. There’s a whole other story on why I believed him that’s not relevant), and went to an outpatient program while not living at home. The literal day after that program finished I had arranged for him to see the kids and he showed up altered. He ran from a breathalyzer and later claimed he had taken a large edible. We gradually tried to reconcile and I thought we were really close at Christmas, let him partake in the kids celebration… two days later an angry husband emails me about the affair my husband had been concealing for a year.
So if you’ve really tried to make amends and come clean with her… you’re not the worst dude out there.


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## Oneillo77 (Sep 13, 2021)

CurlsAtx said:


> Whatever you’re doing, it’s more than my spouse was. He hid a drinking problem for me for over a year (we both probably drank too much but he would lie about drinking at all and led me to believe it was a diabetic issue…. There’s a whole other story on why I believed him that’s not relevant), and went to an outpatient program while not living at home. The literal day after that program finished I had arranged for him to see the kids and he showed up altered. He ran from a breathalyzer and later claimed he had taken a large edible. We gradually tried to reconcile and I thought we were really close at Christmas, let him partake in the kids celebration… two days later an angry husband emails me about the affair my husband had been concealing for a year.
> So if you’ve really tried to make amends and come clean with her… you’re not the worst dude out there.


We are doing good and haven’t drank. The more we discus in couples therapy it was more lack of communication. I see the kids everyday and we will discuss moving back in in a couple weeks, six month part. even Tho the separation sucks, it’s been a good time reflecting how I did this to myself. Became complacent and let myself go. I have grown so much during this time that it’s a good trade off


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