# 72-hour rule?



## Average Joe (Sep 2, 2015)

W learned this from a friend whom she respects and defers to on other issues that play a big role in our lives ... adoption, kids with special needs, some spirituality and career stuff. 

W asked how they keep the intimacy alive in their busy marriage. The answer was the "72-hour rule." Sex can happen whenever but there MUST be no more than 72 hours between sessions. It can be a quickie, or a longie; you can be into it, or you can be mad as hell at each other. But the rule can't be broken.

We haven't needed it in the past few weeks (awesome!) but we're going to "let it run in the background" as a sort of safety net, and see how it affects the way we think about sexy time. 

Got any thoughts, or are ya doing something remotely similar?


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

I think we are at a 7.2 day rule now.


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## Average Joe (Sep 2, 2015)

W's friend has been doing it for a couple years now, successfully. They are tight, and happy. I have hope!


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## BBF (May 21, 2015)

Sounds good. Just wondering; how did that conversation get started with the other couple?


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## sixty-eight (Oct 2, 2015)

that sounds awesome. i wonder if there's any literature on this. 
right now we're at the 336 hour rule, and it's not my favorite.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

If we were to have any rules I would prefer it to be a 48 hr rule, 72 is too long between drinks for me. Only excuses are death, Interstate work travel or the flu.


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## Average Joe (Sep 2, 2015)

BBF said:


> Sounds good. Just wondering; how did that conversation get started with the other couple?


W just had a girl-to-girl chat. Apparently girls talk about that stuff fairly easily ... ?


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## Average Joe (Sep 2, 2015)

Holland said:


> If we were to have any rules I would prefer it to be a 48 hr rule, 72 is too long between drinks for me. Only excuses are death, Interstate work travel or the flu.


That was my first thought too. But having been at the 72-day mark this past year, this is amazing progress for us.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Average Joe said:


> W just had a girl-to-girl chat. Apparently girls talk about that stuff fairly easily ... ?


Of course women talk about sex and all things related, always have, always will. It really isn't a big deal or mystery.


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## Average Joe (Sep 2, 2015)

Holland said:


> Of course women talk about sex and all things related, always have, always will. It really isn't a big deal or mystery.


I know and I think it's a wonderful thing, for sure.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
Yes that would be wonderful. We are still having trouble with the 300 hour rule.


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## anonmd (Oct 23, 2014)

If you are both up for it great, if it is a rule applied to get one of you to do it more than you really want to it isn't going to work out so well.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

Average Joe said:


> That was my first thought too. But having been at the 72-day mark this past year, this is amazing progress for us.


Please share what turned things around for you and your wife.


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## sixty-eight (Oct 2, 2015)

sixty-eight said:


> that sounds awesome. i wonder if there's any literature on this.
> right now we're at the 336 hour rule, and it's not my favorite.





richardsharpe said:


> Good evening
> Yes that would be wonderful. We are still having trouble with the 300 hour rule.


Mr. Sharpe.
i love that we posted relatively the same thing. and by love it, i mean, i hate it


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## Average Joe (Sep 2, 2015)

anonmd said:


> If you are both up for it great, if it is a rule applied to get one of you to do it more than you really want to it isn't going to work out so well.


Good point. In our case, we are both up for it, just about equally. It's more of a priority though for me, which she knows, and of the things that get lost in our schedules (and there are many things), I just don't want sex to be that thing.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*I think that the "72 Hour Rule" is simply the "bee's knees!"

But then again, that's coming from an old fart who now falls under the guise of the "72 Year Rule!"

Hopefully to change very soon because even my poor ol' hand is starting to reject me!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Average Joe (Sep 2, 2015)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Average Joe 

That was my first thought too. But having been at the 72-day mark this past year, this is amazing progress for us.



Fozzy said:


> *Please share what turned things around for you and your wife.*


I need to update my original, giant post. Essentially, I took to heart the advice you guys gave me about working on myself. I confronted W about what I thought was wrong with the marriage. We laid it out bare. I had lots of room for growth, and employed, mainly, the principles of Robert Glover. "I got this" is my new battle cry. Consciousness, integrity, self-soothing anxiety, and empathy. Everything is changed now. Everything. I feel very much on the road to being Dr. Glover's "Second-Order Man."


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## Woodchuck (Nov 1, 2012)

It worked for us for about 20 years.....Now It's about 7.2 weeks and sucks....


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## NoSizeQueen (Sep 9, 2015)

anonmd said:


> If you are both up for it great, if it is a rule applied to get one of you to do it more than you really want to it isn't going to work out so well.


This! ^^

My ex and I had a similar rule for a while. I put an end to that, when he started abusing it. Once he realized that I basically had to put out, no matter how he had been behaving, everything went to crap. He stopped offering household help or spending any time with me. We couldn't find balance until it became the 7-day rule... That way he knew he wouldn't do without for too long, but he had motivation to do his part in the marriage if he wanted to increase frequency.

But in a healthy, balanced relationship, I could see how a rule like this could work. I think it depends a lot on the relationship dynamics.


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## Average Joe (Sep 2, 2015)

Fozzy said:


> Please share what turned things around for you and your wife.





Woodchuck said:


> It worked for us for about 20 years.....Now It's about 7.2 weeks and sucks....


Cool, I have 15 years left 

We shall see. But W is so highly scheduled. 4 teenagers, messed up to varying degrees, tons of doc appts and surgeries. Knowing sex is officially a big priority, and that it now merits a place on the schedule (of sorts), and is NOT to be overlooked, could be just the ticket for us.

Meanwhile, I'll continue to strive to be the person she actually WANTS to have sex with, of course.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

When I first saw this thread the following two thoughts went through my head BEFORE reading:

#1 After sex, my wife expects me to give her a break and not try to initiate again for at least 72 hours. I often break this rule, and after we go at it, she will try to double them up. She will be like, we were together yesterday and you just got it again, now I get a break for at least a week. Then I break that rule again, you know because I have sexual amnesia (two days feels like a week for me!).

or

#2 Sex IS often the most awesome if you can refrain from orgasm at least for 72 hours before going at it. 

Cheers, 
Badsanta


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

badsanta said:


> When I first saw this thread the following two thoughts went through my head BEFORE reading:
> 
> #1 After sex, my wife expects me to give her a break and not try to initiate again for at least 72 hours. I often break this rule, and after we go at it, she will try to double them up. She will be like, we were together yesterday and you just got it again, now I get a break for at least a week. Then I break that rule again, you know because I have sexual amnesia (two days feels like a week for me!).
> 
> ...


* The precepts of the 72 Hour Rule ain't all that bad, given that a caveat needs to be placed in there that basically says that after knocking off a piece with your spouse within the 72 hour period, if the resultant hormones so move either party to a successful encore performance, then the 72 hour waiting clock starts later upon completion of the "encore!"

Just saying!

It's hell getting to "encore" stage when you can't even get a "free pass" to first base!
*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

I would apply the same thing to things she wants. Like endless apologies. If you get in a fight stipulate you won't admit (of course) she's right and you learned another lesson, for 3 days. Seems reasonable to me. All we ever hear is a woman's sex life is 99% up in her head. Ok. Work it that way.


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

Average Joe said:


> .
> 
> W asked how they keep the intimacy alive in their busy marriage. The answer was the "72-hour rule." Sex can happen whenever but there MUST be no more than 72 hours between sessions. *It can be a quickie, or a longie; you can be into it, or you can be mad as hell at each other. *But the rule can't be broken.
> 
> Got any thoughts, or are ya doing something remotely similar?



We don't have any specific rules regarding quantity of sex. We focus more on quality. The bolded statement goes counter to that. 

When I'm mad at H, I lose all desire to have sex with him and he'd rather forgo it that settle for pity sex. I also know that when H is under a lot of stress, his mind is not focused on sex. Barring ed drugs (which may not work anyways ), sex isn't going to happen and I refuse to be with someone who isn't into it. 

I can also see how the 72 hour mandate could backfire on the partner who's primary need is something other than sex. 

This rule would only work in a relationship where all needs are being met except sex.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

That seems silly. After all after a generation of chick movies, doesn't the heart want it wants? Well so do the other organs.


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## Deguello (Apr 3, 2015)

:frown2::frown2:72 hour rule! we're at the 14 day,1.5 day per month rule and it's killing me, now she is in to "obligatory Because We're married sex."I'do be in heaven at no more than 72 hours
Deguello


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

Lila said:


> We don't have any specific rules regarding quantity of sex. We focus more on quality. The bolded statement goes counter to that.
> 
> When I'm mad at H, I lose all desire to have sex with him and he'd rather forgo it that settle for pity sex. I also know that when H is under a lot of stress, his mind is not focused on sex. Barring ed drugs (which may not work anyways ), sex isn't going to happen and I refuse to be with someone who isn't into it.
> 
> ...


I agree. I wouldn't be able to muster if I was PO'd at my wife.
I've never been the kind that would be able to hate-f*ck.


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

Also in the camp that the 72 hour rule is for marriages where everything else is hunky dory. When there are serious issue going on, having sex when one partner doesn't want to at all might actually cause worse problems in the long run.


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## JoeHenderson (Oct 3, 2011)

Good luck, OP. I hope it works out for you. I went on google calculator to see how long it was during our darkest time. We were apparently practicing the 21,900+ hour rule.


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

Average Joe said:


> W learned this from a friend whom she respects and defers to on other issues that play a big role in our lives ... adoption, kids with special needs, some spirituality and career stuff.
> 
> W asked how they keep the intimacy alive in their busy marriage. The answer was the "72-hour rule." Sex can happen whenever but there MUST be no more than 72 hours between sessions. It can be a quickie, or a longie; you can be into it, or you can be mad as hell at each other. But the rule can't be broken.
> 
> ...


Your wife's friend either came up with that and is very smart or she read it and is very smart to recognise the value. My wife and I usually get busy on weekends only now but I should probably pay attention to this 72 hour rule. I'm sure she'd let me jump her on hump day as well.


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

NoSizeQueen said:


> This! ^^
> 
> My ex and I had a similar rule for a while. I put an end to that, when he started abusing it. Once he realized that I basically had to put out, no matter how he had been behaving, everything went to crap. He stopped offering household help or spending any time with me. We couldn't find balance until it became the 7-day rule... That way he knew he wouldn't do without for too long, but he had motivation to do his part in the marriage if he wanted to increase frequency.
> 
> *But in a healthy, balanced relationship, I could see how a rule like this could work.* I think it depends a lot on the relationship dynamics.


I was going to comment about not falling into a covert contract dynamic but then I saw the last part of your comment (highlighted). I'm sure it sucks to feel like you can't have that good dynamic.


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## Average Joe (Sep 2, 2015)

Lila said:


> I can also see how the 72 hour mandate could backfire on the partner who's primary need is something other than sex.
> 
> This rule would only work in a relationship where all needs are being met except sex.


I had written a post about that but deleted it. Yeah, of course. This would presume that all love languages are concurrently understood. All love tanks are being appropriately filled.

Sex is one love language that is more of an event, though, and benefits from the scheduling-type thing. Edit: Granted, sex isn't a love language, per se.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Fozzy said:


> I agree. I wouldn't be able to muster if I was PO'd at my wife.
> I've never been the kind that would be able to hate-f*ck.


*In regard to "hate-effing," I had a good friend of mine who was the head CPA of our Oilfield Corporate Accounting Department, now deceased, who once said of good looking, but socially undesirable women within the company ranks running around the complex in their short skimpy skirts, with their a$$es literally hanging out: "Man, I'd absolutely love to "lay pipe" on her drilling pad, and then afterwards have the resounding pleasure of telling her just how bad it was!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

arbitrator said:


> *In regard to "hate-effing," I had a good friend of mine who was the head CPA of our Oilfield Corporate Accounting Department, now deceased, who once said of good looking, but socially undesirable women within the company ranks running around the complex in their short skimpy skirts, with their a$$es literally hanging out: "Man, I'd absolutely love to "lay pipe" on her drilling pad, and then afterwards have the resounding pleasure of telling her just how bad it was!*
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Was this guy competent to get any of the women he commented on? I see a guy with wire framed glasses, crunching numbers, talking about things he doesn't understand.


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## bestyet2be (Jul 28, 2013)

Average Joe said:


> ...But the rule can't be broken.
> 
> Got any thoughts, or are ya doing something remotely similar?


Have tried variations of this several times. Never worked. My wife, in theory, loves sex. But in actuality, there are often reasons it has to tomorrow...tomorrow...tomorrow...etc.

What's missing is some sort of "or else." Until I can think of a *productive* (not destructive) "or else," I probably won't try this again.

Getting angry or depressed after the appointed time interval isn't productive! Any ideas of productive "or elses"?


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

Does your wife's friend specify which sex positions you are supposed to use also?


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## Average Joe (Sep 2, 2015)

Hicks said:


> Does your wife's friend specify which sex positions you are supposed to use also?


I'm waiting patiently to find out. I hope we can do the one that *I* like!


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

Lila said:


> We don't have any specific rules regarding quantity of sex. We focus more on quality. The bolded statement goes counter to that.
> 
> *When I'm mad at H, I lose all desire to have sex with him and he'd rather forgo it that settle for pity sex. * I also know that when H is under a lot of stress, his mind is not focused on sex. Barring ed drugs (which may not work anyways ), sex isn't going to happen and I refuse to be with someone who isn't into it.
> *
> ...


Although the "72 hour rule" sounds a good idea in theory, I can also see it not going according to plan...

For me, sex is an expression of what I feel towards my SO, and if I'm harbouring truly negative feelings towards him, getting up close and ultra personal mightn't go well...


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

It seems to me that the point of this rule is to help maintain the sexual bond in an otherwise healthy, happy relationship. People live busy lives, and work, kids, volunteer activities, and other obligations tend to demand priority over maintaining your bond with your partner. It's easy to get complacent and think that your partner will always be there for you, and before you know it, it's been several weeks, your both getting cranky and becoming distant. This rule is good for requiring minimum maintenance of that sexual bond, to make sure that you don't go too long between, and serves as a reminder to prioritize one another. Because all those other "priorities" aren't going to give back to you and take care of you the way a loving, committed partner will. 

I think it's a good rule. I give it the FiP stamp of approval, but only for couples who are already in a happy, healthy relationship.

There are people in dysfunctional relationships, who have maladjusted relationship behaviors, who would abuse this rule in any number of ways, many of which are noted in this thread. I would NOT recommend this rule for them, because it could cause even more harm to the relationship than good.


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## woodyh (Oct 23, 2015)

We kind of have the same rule, 72 hours or actually 4 days or so. If we haven't had sex in 4 days, we will either have sex or the wife lets me masturbate. 

My wife is the same way as others mentioned, once we have sex, she needs a break for whatever reason and doesn't want me even asking or mentioning sex for at least a couple of days.


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