# Has anyone or does anyone miss their ex spouse?



## MattOly94 (Nov 20, 2021)

I will try to keep it as short as I can. Ex wife and I were together for 6 years, only married for 2. She got pregnant soon after getting married and we seperated a little over a year after our daughter was born, divorced was finalized just a month ago. She started dating someone very quickly after we seperated (no she was not cheating on me before seperation)….they lasted about 4-5 months and broke up. It crushed me when I learned about her dating already and it kind of made me put my head down and made me get over her as quick as I possibly could. It was almost a blessing that she already had a boyfriend. Its weird cause ever since they broke up, i have began missing her. Or at least the idea of her. We barely talk and thats pretty much on me, im cold and ignore her as much as I can unless its about our daughter. When I see her, i have no feelings towards her but maybe some left over sexual feelings. I still think she is attractive but I do not like the person that she is. I have talked to a few women here and there but nothing serious. I am pretty far along with this one woman and shes great and all but I cant stop comparing her to my ex wife and its holding me back from dating her. They are two completely different people, personality wise and its hard to adjust to. My ex wife actually has a great personality but it does get ugly if you get on her bad side, which I eventually did during the marriage. Anyways, I could write a book about our relationship and all but ill keep it short. Has anyone ever (i know most of you have) missed your ex spouse or currently are? I think about her almost everyday but only for a minute or two and the life we could of had, etc. i honestly just think i miss having a partner and i miss having a partner like her. Bright, fun, loving, sexually compatible. All this was true until things went downhill then it was obvious we didnt match but still. Hard to think about what we could have done differently


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Try not to let yourself dwell on it. She’s an ex for a reason. Better luck finding a new woman to love than wishing for a fantasy that’s not real. How you’re seeing her isn’t reality. Believe me, I deal with it regularly.


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## thunderchad (12 mo ago)

Nope.

As for the record, she probably had him in mind all along. Women will rarely leave a man without the next one lined up.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

MattOly94 said:


> i have began missing her. Or at least the idea of her. ..........., i have no feelings towards her but maybe some left over sexual feelings. I still think she is attractive but I do not like the person that she is.


I think you are right -- you miss the "idealized" part of your marriage and her, but you answered your own question.
YOU DO NOT LIKE the person that she is -- so what/WHY do YOU think you really miss her?
You probably just miss having a relationship. So start working towards that (and NOT with her...)


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

I would say it's normal to miss a spouse after a marriage ends unless they were abusive or whatever.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Yes, I miss my relationship with my wife. But it's better this way...


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

Agree with others…it’s normal, and it’s hard to get over.
And you really should keep on ignoring her as much as possible. Every contact just keeps it in your head and makes it hard.

Rebound relationships are tricky…yea you do compare a LOT. At least I did and made for some stupid mistakes. Be careful and don’t jump into deeper relationships too quickly.


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

Not at all


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## Works (Apr 3, 2016)

Like an idiot misses the point. 🙄


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

I don't know OP. Maybe because I 'm wired the old way for men, but after knowing that a woman that has been my woman has sex with another man, it's an inmediate for the rest of my life disconnect.

I just couldn't ever want her again, desire her. She would be just like another person that I would encounter. No romantic feelings of any type whatsoever. 
I know because I lived it with my first wife. Actually she knew about it per conversations that people have when setting up boundaries during the relationship. 

Your ambivalence with this new woman most likely is because she's not the one. Also, if this new woman is seeking a serious relationship, just ended. It's no fair to her. You're just using her.
date other women, eventually one will come along that will make say "Ex who?"


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

I guess it depends on what caused the separation/divorce. I'm sure the betrayed people would rather forget their ex wife.


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## drencrom (Jul 1, 2021)

*"Has anyone or does anyone miss their ex spouse?"*


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## joannacroc (Dec 17, 2014)

Do I miss living in hell? No. No I do not.


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## justaguylookingforhelp (Nov 4, 2021)

I think what you are going through is pretty normal but just remind yourself that you are thinking of an ideal version of your ex and not reality. You are daydreaming about "what could have been" rather than reality. You already mentioned that in your post, but just keep that in the front of your mind when you start to have these thoughts. Me personally, I don't think there is anything wrong with thinking there were redeeming things about an ex or a past relationship, but also that the relationship needed to end. Life is not black and white, there is a lot of gray area. Even the worst relationship can have positives or at least things to take away from it. The key is not to dwell on that. The relationship ended for a reason and it sounds like while your ex has some traits you would want in another partner, there are some things your ex was lacking that you should keep an eye out for when dating in the future.

Long story short, I think what you are going through is normal, but don't get fixated on it.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

I tried to fight it for a time but I found it's best to accept that my exs have become a part of me and will always be. I adopted the last one's roasty humor and emotional maturity, for instance. I feel more completed, so to speak. Sometimes I do think back, sometimes it still hurts going through the photos, videos. But in the end I still come out of it with a smile.

Not everything is meant to last forever.


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

RandomDude said:


> I tried to fight it for a time but I found it's best to accept that my exs have become a part of me and will always be. I adopted the last one's roasty humor and emotional maturity, for instance. I feel more completed, so to speak. Sometimes I do think back, sometimes it still hurts going through the photos, videos. But in the end I still come out of it with a smile.
> 
> Not everything is meant to last forever.


I adopted my XW's love of random women.....so there's that! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Numb26 said:


> I adopted my XW's love of random women.....so there's that! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣


 LOL!


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## TLynnMartin (9 mo ago)

MattOly94 said:


> I will try to keep it as short as I can. Ex wife and I were together for 6 years, only married for 2. She got pregnant soon after getting married and we seperated a little over a year after our daughter was born, divorced was finalized just a month ago. She started dating someone very quickly after we seperated (no she was not cheating on me before seperation)….they lasted about 4-5 months and broke up. It crushed me when I learned about her dating already and it kind of made me put my head down and made me get over her as quick as I possibly could. It was almost a blessing that she already had a boyfriend. Its weird cause ever since they broke up, i have began missing her. Or at least the idea of her. We barely talk and thats pretty much on me, im cold and ignore her as much as I can unless its about our daughter. When I see her, i have no feelings towards her but maybe some left over sexual feelings. I still think she is attractive but I do not like the person that she is. I have talked to a few women here and there but nothing serious. I am pretty far along with this one woman and shes great and all but I cant stop comparing her to my ex wife and its holding me back from dating her. They are two completely different people, personality wise and its hard to adjust to. My ex wife actually has a great personality but it does get ugly if you get on her bad side, which I eventually did during the marriage. Anyways, I could write a book about our relationship and all but ill keep it short. Has anyone ever (i know most of you have) missed your ex spouse or currently are? I think about her almost everyday but only for a minute or two and the life we could of had, etc. i honestly just think i miss having a partner and i miss having a partner like her. Bright, fun, loving, sexually compatible. All this was true until things went downhill then it was obvious we didnt match but still. Hard to think about what we could have done differently


I was married for 24 years and seperated for 3.5 years now and I'm still struggling. I miss him every day. I still cry often. I havent dated. He has been with a few women and now I know he is serious with somebody and is going to finally finalize the divorce. There is definitely something wrong with me. He cheated on me. We had money issues. But we had been together since we were 16 and I fully believed he would come back to me. I feel so stupid. I'm so tired of feeling this way. He has had no problem at all moving on. I'm glad to see that somebody else struggles. I do think I'm not normal. Its been too long I should feel differently by now. I just cant get over the fact that I meant forever and he did not. Its like I never knew him at all. I have tried counselling....not helpful. Ugh.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

TLynnMartin said:


> I was married for 24 years and seperated for 3.5 years now and I'm still struggling. I miss him every day. I still cry often. I havent dated. He has been with a few women and now I know he is serious with somebody and is going to finally finalize the divorce. There is definitely something wrong with me. He cheated on me. We had money issues. But we had been together since we were 16 and I fully believed he would come back to me. I feel so stupid. I'm so tired of feeling this way. He has had no problem at all moving on. I'm glad to see that somebody else struggles. I do think I'm not normal. Its been too long I should feel differently by now. I just cant get over the fact that I meant forever and he did not. Its like I never knew him at all. I have tried counselling....not helpful. Ugh.


I think that maybe you are still enamored of the IMAGE you have of him, instead of who he REALLY is. He has shown you who he really is -- you just have to accept it. He isn't all unicorns and fairy tales.
Try to detach from him -- no communications if not required (like kids/divorce) -- start working on hobbies that you've always wanted to do -- start exercising, etc.. Maybe some of that will help...


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## justaguylookingforhelp (Nov 4, 2021)

TLynnMartin said:


> I was married for 24 years and seperated for 3.5 years now and I'm still struggling. I miss him every day. I still cry often. I havent dated. He has been with a few women and now I know he is serious with somebody and is going to finally finalize the divorce. There is definitely something wrong with me. He cheated on me. We had money issues. But we had been together since we were 16 and I fully believed he would come back to me. I feel so stupid. I'm so tired of feeling this way. He has had no problem at all moving on. I'm glad to see that somebody else struggles. I do think I'm not normal. Its been too long I should feel differently by now. I just cant get over the fact that I meant forever and he did not. Its like I never knew him at all. I have tried counselling....not helpful. Ugh.


I know this is a cliche, but I do think we all move forward at our own speed. My divorce was finalized just ten days ago and I learned from one of my ex brothers in law that my ex is already engaged with the guy she was having an affair with, which obviously ended our marriage. Granted, she's been seeing this guy for like 2+ years so it isn't like this is new, but my point is that she just moved on as if our relationship was meaningless, much like you are describing with your ex. Did it hurt to hear that she's already moved on so fast? Sure, but it only lasted a few minutes because I don't want to be with someone like that. But it did take me a while to get to this point. You'll get there eventually too. Do as jlg07 suggested and do things for you and that might help.


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## HarryBosch (6 mo ago)

My divorce is still fresh, so take that into account with my comment.

I miss the good things we had. After the divorce, I sought therapy, and I recognized that I wasn't as affectionate as I could have been or wanted to be. We saw each other and had some intimate moments during that time, and I showed her just how affectionate I could be.. and she loved it, I'm sure. But we had other issues and that affection couldn't break through those issues. So I miss some of the "What could have been".

Divorce quickly shows you the fantasy land you can create and how it all can come crashing down. I'm more realistic now and I'm working on me and moving on. I'm fully aware that she could meet someone new and share those things with someone else... it is the distance and time which will slowly erase those feelings of fantasy and make someone new a moot point.


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## Laurentium (May 21, 2017)

MattOly94 said:


> She got pregnant soon after getting married and we seperated a little over a year after our daughter was born,


Oh, that sucks. 



> My ex wife actually has a great personality but it does get ugly if you get on her bad side


That's not really a great personality. 



> Has anyone ever (i know most of you have) missed your ex spouse or currently are?


Sure. She was hot, and a reasonably good cook too. But I have so much more time now to do things.....


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## 342693 (Mar 2, 2020)

Sure, it’s normal. But if you’re comparing women you are going out with to your ex, you’re not over your ex. 

I would suggest taking more time to heal before tipping your toe in the dating pool. Unless you’re into dating just to date and have sex. Then that may help you get over your ex. Worked for me in 2009. But I’m a different person now and wouldn’t do it again.


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## DDG15 (4 mo ago)

Don't be to quick to hit the dating scene. You need time to reflect and work on making a better you. I went through a divorce over 25 years ago (had been married 17 years). We had issues throughout the marriage, but I was absolutely shocked coming home from a business trip one night and being served with separation-divorce papers. 90 days later we we divorced and a couple weeks after that she had remarried. Yes, it was the hardest thing that I had ever went through and broke me financially, spiritually and emotionally. I began to immediately work on myself l, but was not ready to immediately start dating. In fact, it took 3.5 years before I went on my first date. After dating a few women during a two year period (one for nine months that I suspected was seeing someone else behind my back), I met this wonderful unassuming and underappreciated divorced women who was a hidden gem. She became my best friend, love of my life, confidant and eventually my wife. While She does get me out of my comfort zone at times, she lets me be who I am. We've been together for 21 years (married 16 years). I've changed for the better and working on our relationship everyday to be the man she deserves. I never could have imagined that marriage could be this good. It's so important to take your time; work on yourself and when the time is right she will walk into your life. You'll still have to take a chance, but as the two of you grow you will know without a doubt she's the one.


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## DDG15 (4 mo ago)

Oh BTW, after being divorced for over 5 years and for seven months had been dating the lady that I would eventually marry, out the blue my ex-wife shows up and wanting to reconcile. Go figure. I guess the grass wasn't greener after all.


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