# blow up over a question



## bab123 (Dec 9, 2010)

Last night my husband and I got into a big argument over one little question. "is everything ok?"
What happened was my younger brother came over. I really didn't want him in the house but I did anyway.
Let me give you some background. My brother is mentally ill, and can be emotionally unstable. Last time he was here when I was home, he ended up ranting and raving and yelling outside. The whole neighborhood could hear him. I thought someone would end up calling the police. And believe me they are familiar with my brother.
I had to leave to pick up my mother, and I didn't voice my concern about my H and him. Tho I was. My H said when he came over when I wasnt here he was just fine, and that he wouldn't do anything to set him off. 
So, I come home with mom in tow and when I get in the door I inocently say "is everything ok?". My H snaps at me. 
So maybe ten minutes later my mom and brother leave, and I go to my husband and I say to him, you really didn't need to snap at me, and I didn't like being treated like that. I just asked if everything was ok. He got defensive and said yeah, everything was ok, I wouldn't do anything to set him off. 
I said that I was just concerned when I left, and he said well you didn't act like you were concerned. And if you were you should have said something right then. He said he didn't snap at me, and that if I had a problem I should have mentioned it right away. I said I didn't want to discuss it in front of my mother. He said that he would of, and that it was too late to discuss it. It had only been maybe 10 minutes.
Anywho, it got blow into a huge argument with him leaving the house, and me crying.


----------



## magnoliagal (Mar 30, 2011)

That argument had nothing to do with that question. That was just the trigger. Right off I'm wondering why you let your brother in when you didn't want to? It's your house.


----------



## bab123 (Dec 9, 2010)

Because he's my brother, and up till now I have had much sympathy for him being mentaly ill. But he pulled another one today and that was it. The last straw, and I told my husband that he wasn't welcome in our home. At this point I don't care what happens to him. He has put my mother through so much. She is 87 years old, and doesn't need this $#@%. My husband and I don't need this $#@! Our marriage is already stressed to the breaking point.
Tonight I said to my husband. NOW do you understand why yesterday when I came home I asked "is everything was ok?"


----------



## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

Blood ties are tough.  You want to do so well by your family, but sometimes you give too much. 

You don't need to argue. Just tell him you won't discuss this right now if he continues to yell and be unreasonable. Then walk away. Much less emotionally disturbing than the after crying.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Cara (Aug 15, 2010)

Oh man, that phrase has triggered so many arguments!


----------



## BigToe (Jun 2, 2011)

Refraise the question...how's everyone tonight?


----------



## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

Lol. Unless your PA. Then, that phrase immediately gets an "nothing! Nothings wrong". After which you then go silent and start sulking...a lot. Emitting vibes of anger.

Sorry....flashing back to the "old" me....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bab123 (Dec 9, 2010)

My brother is in jail tonight. His behavior escalated to a point that he ruined my moms car. She went into the grocery store to buy herself something to eat. My brother wouldn't let her have the car keys. When she came out he said "You don't have to worry about the car, I fixed it really good." He had pulled the wires in the engine compartment, including the distributer cap and spark plugs, and shattered her brand new front wind shield.
Mom was told that he wouldn't be allowed near her. Big relief. She needs a break from her son, and he needs to be sent back to the wacky ward.(for the umpteeth time) I told mom that what he has put her through(years of this crap) was a form of elder abuse.
If I have to get a restraining order to keep him away from my husband and I, I'll do it.


----------

