# My husband is assaulting me and I dont know what to do...



## Vickstar (Apr 5, 2012)

This is not the first time this has happened.
A bit of back story.
1. Husband has three girls (16, 14, 8) with crazy drug addicted ex that cheated on him repeatedly and they used to fight violently.
2. 14 & 8 now live with us (and have for the last couple of years)
3. We have a beautiful just turned five year old boy.
4. My husband goes away for work for weeks at a time leaving me to care for all three children alone.
5. I work fulltime, study part-time, and am involved with the school.
6. He went on a seven day no contact hunting holiday just recently that we could not afford, while his mother was staying with us, and left me to deal with everything, including her.
7. Him assaulting me has been happening on and off for a number of years, but recently it is getting worse, physical bruises, being unable to walk etc.

I know I have to leave him. I really wanted to make it work and keep trying but everything is my fault. He decided that it was more important on our sons fifth birthday to go and check on his cannabis plants in the bush with his mate than to be here to put his son to bed on his fifth birthday, the day before he started school, and then he went away for the week, has not seen much of his son this week, and has not been there at all to support me who has been really struggling with it. 

Then when he got home he starts grumping about the kitten that I rescued, and his daughter is saying "why do we have to keep the cat anyway". This began an argument. Which then turned violent. 

I never physically hurt him, though throw some emotional punches sometimes. I throw at him that his behaviour seems that he doesn't care about his family - but you know what - it does seem that way.

I'm scared to leave because I really dont want to hurt my son, but I know that I/we can't live like this anymore.

Not to mention that the step-daughters, as expected, are on their fathers side, ignore me when he is home, particularly when asked to do something, and then everyone gangs up on me.

Help...


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

You already know what to do.

The question is: will you?

By the way, raising your kids in an abusive environment is, in and of itself, abusive.


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## hisfac (Feb 10, 2012)

When he hits you and leaves bruises, call the cops. 

He'll be arrested, maybe spend a night in jail, and he'll be less likely to repeat the behavior. 

Yes I know, you're scared he'll retaliate. Well we're talking one big punch versus and endless supply of smaller ones dished out over time. 

You're in a hole and you need to dig your way out of it, and there are going to be some risks but what's the alternative, be a punching bag for the next 20 years?


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

You know you need to leave him, and justifying staying for the sake of your son is just that; justification. What you're really doing is teaching your son how a man should treat his spouse, and I don't think this is what you want to be teaching him.

Get help. Family, friends, a women's shelter. Whatever you need to do. You need more help than you can get from an anonymous Internet forum. You need help from local resources.

C


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## Jeff/BC (Apr 1, 2012)

Jellybeans said:


> By the way, raising your kids in an abusive environment is, in and of itself, abusive.


I was struggling with that also. I never can figure out how people think that leaving children in an abusive environment so that we can make a whole new generation of abusive parents is "for the children". If _that's_ for the children then I wish people would stop caring about children.


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## trey69 (Dec 29, 2010)

Abuse of any kind will chip away at a persons self worth. My guess is that is one of the reasons most people in abusive situations stay. 

Surround yourself with positive people who can help lift your spirits, self esteem, and encouragement. Family, friends, counselors etc. My guess is one of two things will happen before you choose to leave. 1) Either you will get some help and support, and build up enough courage and self esteem to leave, OR 2) He will hurt you and the kids badly. 

You can't control his actions/words but you can control whether you stay or leave.


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## Vickstar (Apr 5, 2012)

Obviously I am aware of the impact it is having on my son - I know that I need to leave, I am scared...

I don't have enough money to do it on my own, and as my son has just started school I don't want to move out of the area. I went to 13 different schools as a child and it is really important to me that this does not happen to my baby.

How can I leave? I'm scared that he will smash up all my stuff and then I will have to replace everything - and of course it will all be my fault. I only have just enough money to pay one weeks rent and bond and then thats me cleaned out...and then what do I do?

It's all well and good to have a strong opinion about violence, but unless you have been in the situation, you don't really understand. I am not a victim, and I do not want to hurt my children, or do anymore damage to his.


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## mommyofthree (Jan 7, 2012)

I grew up in a home where my mom was verbally and physically abused.My Sister grew up and married a man just like her step dad.Im starting to see some of the attributes in my husband (not physical but Verbal) and I have a few anger issues to deal with.

Leave.I know its easy for me to say but having been there I would have preferred my mom leave long ago.I thought as we got older that maybe it was us kids that caused it so I always felt bad for her being smacked across the face etc and thought that its ok..once we move out it will be good so I moved as soon as I was able.Unfortunatley im now 34 and they still are at it so I guess in hindsight it was not my fault  .

My mom used to call the cops and they would come and never made him leave.They told my mom to leave to keep the peace but she always went back and it just kept happening.

For the sake of your son and your own safety you need to go.Being a parent comes with some difficult choices and sometimes what our child wants/needs is not what is best. You need to think of whats best FOR your child right now whats best is to not be in this situation.

Yup..he may smash your stuff.Not gonna lie cause my dad did and it was soo scary as a child but better that than you.There are places you can go till you figure out where to go. Its scary as hell I know but take a deep breath and think a bit.
You said he goes away for periods of time.Ok..wait till then and pack up your stuff to put in a storage locker for awhile.Maybe talk to the storage people and confide in them why you are doing this and they may help you out with cheaper or free storage for a short time till you get out.If you have a joint account..Go and open one in your name right now (tell them you want nothing mailed to your house not even statements) Do not let the step daughters know what you are doing but at the last minute you will need to make sure they are not left alone (since they are young) till he returns.The school will not keep info from your husabnd because there is no Order in place and he is the biological father on record so be careful what you tell them and maybe leave that till the last minute as well. You can do it  

Also,call a battered womens shelter and talk to them about it right away.They will be able to help you get out and assist you in getting your feet back on the ground.

You never cross a mama bear..... or back one into a corner.

<Hugs


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

Vickstar said:


> Obviously I am aware of the impact it is having on my son - I know that I need to leave, I am scared...
> 
> I don't have enough money to do it on my own, and as my son has just started school I don't want to move out of the area. I went to 13 different schools as a child and it is really important to me that this does not happen to my baby.
> 
> ...


With no consequences to his actions against you this will continue.

Your son staying in the school near you is worth a beat down from time to time?


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

_
*I don't have enough money *to do it on my own, and as* my son has just started school *I don't want to move out of the area. I went to 13 different schools as a child and it is really important to me that this does not happen to my baby.

*How can I leave? *I'm scared that he will smash up all my stuff and *then I will have to replace everything *- and of course it will all be my fault. I only have just enough money to pay one weeks rent *and bond* and then thats me cleaned out...and then what do I do?[/B]_

_It's all well and good to have a strong opinion about violence, but unless you have been in the situation, you don't really understand. *I am not a victim*, and *I do not want to hurt my children*, or do anymore damage to his_

Hold the phone. You said yourself: 

*I know I have to leave him*

Those were your words. You already have the answer. So now it's up to you to do something about it.

The bolded parts above--are excuses.

I was in an emotionally abusive marriage. I know what it's like. It sucks. And granted, he never hit me, but he he didn't have to--it was just under the surface. The night before I left he told me he was going to put me in the emergency room. I didn't stick around to find out. And like you, I spent a lot of times wondering if it was my "fault" that he was so angry, that he would take things out on me, that he'd break things, throw things, ignore me, say awful things about me in front of our family/friends. Because abusers are constantly telling people "If you didn't do X, then I wouldn't do Y." But that is a cop-out. 

As far as not wanting to move your kid around--what is more important to you? Raising him in an abusive environment home where he sees dad beat the sh*t out of mommy (and grows up either doing this to someone else or thinking this is what a healthy relationship is like or learning to have no respect for you since you can't respect yourself) OR, do you want to GTFO and make a new life for yourself?

And what is this "bond" thing about? If he smashes things up--you don't have to "bond" him out. And who cares if he smashes up things--sue him for it in damages. What's more important? Things you can replace? Or your and your son's well-being??? 

Especially your son--think about him. Gah I hate reading about little defenseless children growing up in this kind of place. They have no choice in the matter and it truly sucks for them. I want to adopt them all (but I digress).

You asked HOW can you leave him? Simple. You pack your stuff up and leave and have him served with divorce papers. People do it every day.

My advice to you is to get a job and start saving money. Start looking. But it's still not an excuse to keep your baby in an environment like that. I can't imagine anything more horrible. 

Where there is a will...


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

Maybe it'll take one of your neighbors to call the police on the two of you. Maybe then you'll do something about it.


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## River1977 (Oct 25, 2010)

Vickstar said:


> I know I have to leave him.


You have the answer.



Vickstar said:


> I'm scared to leave because I really dont want to hurt my son


And then you start looking for reasons not to go.



Vickstar said:


> Help...


Are you asking us to come pack your bags and escort you out the door? I will be happy to if that's what it takes. Just send me your address.

It never fails women always find all kinds of excuses not leave their abusive husband. If it is not that they are SAHM and don't have money or anywhere to go, then it is the child(ren) or how seriously they took their vows, or something else nonsensical.

What is keeping you there? I mean if you seriously think about your reasons beyond all the excuses you can think up, you will have to admit that you don't have the nerve to leave. You don't have the self-esteem to put a stop to him using you and abusing you. 

Stop complaining about your husband and finding reasons to be hurt by the things he does. Constantly saying "he does this" and "he didn't do that" is only complaining. If you examine his behavior rather than complain about it, you will be able to determine he is not the husband you want and that you don't want and don't deserve to be treated this way. 

It is a terrible thing to live with abuse. His violence is abusive. That you can never be right about anything is abusive. Everything always being your fault is abusive. His ferocious anger is abusive. The arguing that you can never win is abusive. It is a tragic thing to keep on subjecting yourself to this kind of treatment. 

Begin right now to stop complaining and looking for excuses. Instead, begin right now to work out your finances and look for a place for you and your son. Don't say a word to anyone. Just pack up one day and go. And, on your way to the new place, stop at the bank and withdraw half the savings.


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## hisfac (Feb 10, 2012)

Vickstar said:


> I don't have enough money to do it on my own, and as my son has just started school I don't want to move out of the area.


Get to your local family court, file a restraining order, get him removed from your home based on the past abuse, and then followup with an emergency support petition. 

Happens all the time. 

The courts are well aware of the fact that many single women who have been abused do not earn enough to support themselves. He's still responsible even if he's out of the house.


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## River1977 (Oct 25, 2010)

Vickstar said:


> Obviously I am aware of the impact it is having on my son - I know that I need to leave, I am scared...
> 
> I don't have enough money to do it on my own, and as my son has just started school I don't want to move out of the area. I went to 13 different schools as a child and it is really important to me that this does not happen to my baby.
> 
> ...


Four paragraphs of a whole lot more excuses.

No one said you have to walk out the door right now. You need a few more paychecks and time to plan, but you CAN and SHOULD be gone within the month.

Also, you can call 211 for a domestic violence hotline in your area. They can help you plan your exit strategy. There will be plenty of opportunities to move yourself, your son, and your belongings. The two of you can even stay in a domestic violence shelter for a few weeks if necessary. I have been in one before. They are nice places, usually a house that provide bedroom, food, counseling, washing machines - everything you need for a short period of time until you can get a place. You can keep going to work and saving your money, while they provide for babysitting, as well as someone to take your son to school and pick him up if you cannot. Your husband will never know where you are unless you tell him, which they forbid you to do. 

I hesitate to mention this because it was only another excuse that you mentioned, but what on earth does your son changing schools have to do with getting him and yourself out of that awful environment. Keep on making excuses and you and your son both will be completely destroyed. Destroyed in different ways of couse, but destroyed nonetheless.

You came here and asked for help, but you are refusing and arguing against the only possible help you can receive. There are no other suggestions anyone can or should give to you.


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## hisfac (Feb 10, 2012)

rundown said:


> Here is the deal. Money I have tons of. Tell me the area that you live in. I will rent you a place for 3 months, which is more than enough time to get a job and get situated...
> If this would work for you then pm me.


Wow. I really need a vacation, what do you think about covering the first 4 days and I'll take care of the last 3?


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## hisfac (Feb 10, 2012)

rundown said:


> it makes me sick to my stomach to see somebody care so little about their children and themselves.


I don't think throwing money at the problem is going to make it go away.


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## hisfac (Feb 10, 2012)

rundown said:


> I disagree with this. Either way it makes it go away. If she choses to take me up on it then she gets her son and herself out. If she continues to make excuses then she is doing it to herself so she no longer has a problem with him, it's her.


You'd really cover the rent and associated expenses for 3 months for a person that you only know through 2 posts on an internet discussion board?

Besides you are over simplifying things by saying covering 3 months worth of her expenses solves her money issues. 3 months goes by very quickly. Like I said she needs to be proactive here and get hubby to pay her support.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

sounds like hubby might turn into a stalker or worse.....

you need to cover the bases next time he hits you call the cops take pictures get witnesses anything that will help document your case of years of abuse.

then buy a 45acp practice practice practice if he comes to asult you again you will be ready.

what a coward ....


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## mrsamazing (Feb 9, 2012)

OP, look at it this way: you are aware that the violence being committed on you is a crime. Toy said yourself you are not a victim. That means you are a party to the crime. Before you say I don't know, I'll tell you that I do know. After 15 years of steadily increasing violence, some one said to me "what are you going to do about it?" It was then that I realized that at that point I was responsible for what was happening to me and that I was choosing to expose my son. I walled away within a week. I was lucky and had a good job, but other than that, I started over.
Stop making excuses.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## rundown (Mar 21, 2012)

chillymorn said:


> then buy a 45acp practice practice practice if he comes to asult you again you will be ready.
> 
> what a coward ....


:iagree:I happen to love this idea.


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## hisfac (Feb 10, 2012)

rundown said:


> Three months is more than enough time to find a job, get a little money together, and get a place. She doesn't need to take another beating to get support from him, she only needs to file for it.


With THIS economy? People who are trained, skilled, eduated, and highly experienced in their fields are going broke, declaring bankruptcy, their houses are being foreclosed and they're out of work for many months or years and you're stating that this woman, with a young child and in a state of major crisis will have a job and savings in 3 months.


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

I think the OP has left this conversation. She's not ready.


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## River1977 (Oct 25, 2010)

I don't understand anyone disputing or minimizing the offer Rundown made to the OP. Do people really just need to have something, just any ole thing to say? Of course 3 months would be extremely helpful to the OP. She already has a job. Not that I would take that kind of help from an online stranger, but that is up to her. It would help a lot, especially since one of her excuses is not having the money to leave.


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## hisfac (Feb 10, 2012)

A Bit Much said:


> I think the OP has left this conversation. She's not ready.


You assume the Op has left because she's not ready.. all because she hasn't followed up with another post?

It's been 3 hours since she started the thread and _2 hours_ since she last posted. Maybe she has things to take care of today?


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

hisfac said:


> You assume the Op has left because she's not ready.. all because she hasn't followed up with another post?
> 
> It's been 3 hours since she started the thread and _2 hours_ since she last posted. Maybe she has things to take care of today?


I didn't state it as fact, I did preface my post with I think.

Maybe she has things to do, but that last post she left here isn't promising in the way of really wanting to do any more than she has already.


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## hisfac (Feb 10, 2012)

A Bit Much said:


> I didn't state it as fact, I did preface my post with I think.
> 
> Maybe she has things to do, but that last post she left here isn't promising in the way of really wanting to do any more than she has already.


I get that what people post is what they think and their opinions unless they cite some sort of legitimate reference or proven clinical study or something of that nature.

I was questioning why someone would think someone else has left a conversation because they didn't respond to a thread in under 2 hours.


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

hisfac said:


> I get that what people post is what they think and their opinions unless they cite some sort of legitimate reference or proven clinical study or something of that nature.
> 
> *I was questioning why someone would think someone else has left a conversation because they didn't respond to a thread in under 2 hours*.


It's my opinion. That's okay isn't it? By her last post, I have formed an opinion. 

Does that bother you?


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## River1977 (Oct 25, 2010)

hisfac said:


> With THIS economy? People who are trained, skilled, eduated, and highly experienced in their fields are going broke, declaring bankruptcy, their houses are being foreclosed and they're out of work for many months or years and you're stating that this woman, with a young child and in a state of major crisis will have a job and savings in 3 months.


This is way over the top and makes no sense to state. She already has a job. And yes, people survive with all their problems. No one is trying to solve all of her problems, especially not any problems she may face in the future, and you keep on giving her more excuses to stay. There was no legitimate or reasonable purpose for posting this. She needs to leave and get out of her abusive environment. Would you either be helpful or reframe from responding, please, because this was not at all helpful and not at all true either because none of your scenario applies to the OP and her situation.



Angel5112 said:


> Throwing money at it will not help. If she leaves and takes her son without his permission she could be charged with kidnapping. Even if that doesn't happen, her H could claim abandonment and possible use it to get full custody. THAT would be good for her son.
> 
> Money doesn't solve as many issues as people seem to think it does.


No one gets charged with abandonment for leaving their spouse, nor can he claim abandonment for her leaving, nor can he use her leaving to get full custody. That is just ridiculous. Besides, there practically is no such thing as full custody any more. Each parent receives visitation rights in a divorce. It's called parenting time and usually works out to be equal time through the week and weekends, or he would at least get every other weekend. She certainly would not lose her son just because she left her husband.

And, no one gets charged with kidnapping for leaving and taking their child with them unless there is a custody order that specifically states they cannot have their child. Taking her children is the customary thing to do. What rock do you live under?

This is getting worse by the moment....or by the post. Good grief.

I'm betting she hasn't posted any more because she does not like what she's reading. She came here thinking there would be some kind of magic potion people could offer her. She does not want to leave and doesn't want anyone telling her to leave.


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

Financial dependance keeps MANY people in bad or untolerable conditions. Let's be real here, if they had the money to live independantly they wouldn't be there. That doesn't make any sense whatsoever. Why stay with someone that beats the crap out of you if you had enough money to get away from them?


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

Argios said:


> Ever hear of Stolkholm syndrome?
> 
> A person learns to identify with their captor and wants to please them. It's twisted but it's proven.
> 
> Nothing to do with money.


I've heard of it, just don't think it applies here.

One of her excuses for not leaving was financial.


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

Vickstar said:


> Obviously I am aware of the impact it is having on my son - I know that I need to leave, I am scared...
> 
> *I don't have enough money to do it on my own,* and as my son has just started school I don't want to move out of the area. I went to 13 different schools as a child and it is really important to me that this does not happen to my baby.
> 
> How can I leave? I'm scared that he will smash up all my stuff and then I will have to replace everything - and of course it will all be my fault. I* only have just enough money to pay one weeks rent and bond and then thats me cleaned out...and then what do I do?*It's all well and good to have a strong opinion about violence, but unless you have been in the situation, you don't really understand. I am not a victim, and I do not want to hurt my children, or do anymore damage to his.


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

> My step-brother went through the same thing, minus the physical abuse, with his first wife and she was threatened with kidnapping charges.


Physical abuse changes the entire scenario. All she needs is the police reports to back it up. They're not going to honor a (documented) abusive spouses petition in court, no matter what his claim. As a matter of fact the court could say the child is endangered in the custody of the abusive spouse and require chaperoned visits.


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## rundown (Mar 21, 2012)

Angel5112 said:


> I didn't say get "charged" with abandonment. I said he could claim, in divorce proceedings, that she abandoned the home, the marriage, and half the bills. I guess I could be wrong, but I am only going on things I have personally heard.
> 
> If she was to leave, take her child with her, and not allow the husband access to him (unless you are suggesting she allow her physically abusive husband access to her 5yr old) he could call the police and tell them so. If she refused to bring him back she could be charged with kidnapping. My step-brother went through the same thing, minus the physical abuse, with his first wife and she was threatened with kidnapping charges. What rock you are living under? Just because you don't believe it to be true doesn't mean it doesn't happen. Laws vary from state to state. Do you know the laws regarding these situations in all states?
> 
> There is such a thing as full custody. Just because it is uncommon doesn't mean it doesn't exist. You are either a fan of extremely over generalized statements, or you actually believe your statements to be absolute truth.


You can only get the kidnapping charge if there is a custody order in place. Until that point, nothing can happen because they have joint custody. She can take him to Timbuktu and nothing will happen witout a court order of custody. If one is not in place it doesn't matter what state you are in, a judge needs to tell you to bring them back. From that point if you dont then you are up for kidnapping.
As far as abandonment in a divorce, unless you are talking about 10 years ago or a prenup in place, only New York and California will lend any weight to it. Google is your friend no matter what rock you live under.


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

Angel5112 said:


> IF she has documented proof of the abuse. According to her, she doesn't. Her best hope would be if she has had repeated hospital visits but they way she describes it, it's just bruises. You can't prove prolonged prior abuse with fading bruises. You need medical records, police reports, and witnesses. We all know how jacked up our judicial system is, especially family court. All her H would have to do is say she is lying and it would become a case of he said/she said.


911. 

He needs to be locked up for this crap.


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## River1977 (Oct 25, 2010)

Angel5112 said:


> I didn't say get "charged" with abandonment. I said he could claim, in divorce proceedings, that she abandoned the home, the marriage, and half the bills. I guess I could be wrong, but I am only going on things I have personally heard.
> 
> If she was to leave, take her child with her, and not allow the husband access to him (unless you are suggesting she allow her physically abusive husband access to her 5yr old) he could call the police and tell them so. If she refused to bring him back she could be charged with kidnapping. My step-brother went through the same thing, minus the physical abuse, with his first wife and she was threatened with kidnapping charges. What rock you are living under? Just because you don't believe it to be true doesn't mean it doesn't happen. Laws vary from state to state. Do you know the laws regarding these situations in all states?
> 
> There is such a thing as full custody. Just because it is uncommon doesn't mean it doesn't exist. You are either a fan of extremely over generalized statements, or you actually believe your statements to be absolute truth.


Is there something wrong with you? You completely manufactured this woman's whole life and circumstance of her leaving her husband. You just totally dreamed it all up because not one bit, not one word of it applies. 

And then you twisted my words entirely.....to the point that nothing I actually stated can be found anywhere. I am done trying to explain anything to you. Anything else I say will also get jakked up inside your imagination.


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## Vickstar (Apr 5, 2012)

I just though I would update as I have been sleeping...

Thank you for the kind offer of financial support, if I didn't live on the other side of the world I may very well take you up on the offer.

I have reported to my doctor the last few times that he has assaulted me so that there is a record.

I am still scared to leave, but will be having the final try at a conversation with H today. I am so stiff and sore from yesterday, that I can hardly move my neck.

I am scared. And I don't know if I can do it financially - especially since all of the family expenses are in my name - hence I am liable for them. But it is ultimatum time.

I looked on the internet for a new house yesterday and did a budget. I am about $160 short a week and already work full time, so am unsure how I am going to do it, but I don't have a choice.

BTW cruel to be kind is not working for me. so if anyone out there has some kind advice it would be greatly appreciated - Thank you to those of you who have


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## rundown (Mar 21, 2012)

Vickstar said:


> He decided that it was more important on our sons fifth birthday to go and check on his cannabis plants in the bush with his mate QUOTE]
> 
> If you really wish to end this all of this, call in an anonymous tip the next time he goes to do this. He goes to prison, you divorce him and get custody.


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## rundown (Mar 21, 2012)

Vickstar said:


> I just though I would update as I have been sleeping...
> 
> Thank you for the kind offer of financial support, if I didn't live on the other side of the world I may very well take you up on the offer.
> 
> ...


Oops, I should have noticed the use of the words "bush" and "mate" to realize you live a bit away.
That being said, good for you. I hope you follow through and wish you and your son the best of luck.


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## rundown (Mar 21, 2012)

I would also suggest you should get a var before you have this talk with him.


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## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

Vickstar said:


> I just though I would update as I have been sleeping...
> 
> Thank you for the kind offer of financial support, if I didn't live on the other side of the world I may very well take you up on the offer.
> 
> ...


Okay - Here's what my H did to me -- Called 911 one night after a fight. I got locked up. He went to the station, filed a temp restraining order on me, I could not go back to the house. Once the actual hearing happened (2 weeks later), I was ordered to remain out of the home, I had supervised visits with my children, I was also ordered to pay for the entire daycare for the children and any and all of the utilities that were in my name. The rest is a different story.

You don't have to pay all the bills by yourself. If you are trying to do this without the support of the courts, it will be a struggle. 

Quite frankly, I would go the route of trying to get him kicked out of the home. 

This is all assuming you live in the US and are governed by our laws?


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## Vickstar (Apr 5, 2012)

Tried talking to him...it's not working.

I am going to get a protection order (which means that if he assaults me again he will be arrested).

I will give him one more opportunity to make things better, while still looking for a new house. due to the fact that he has two kids from another relationship living here it is just easier for me to go - and I would honestly rather have a new place with new energys than live here where everything is angry tension vibes.

All I really need is a hug. From my family. From my friends. From my husband. Basically from anyone. And I can't get one - poor me.


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## Jeff74 (Feb 11, 2012)

Where do you live?

As a practicing attorney here in the u.s. I would be happy to give you specific legal advice/opinions in a pm if this would be helpful. There are many good people here that have responded to your message but some of it is not technically legally correct/precise. Domestic battery and assault are crimes. I wrote this in another MSG but I will say it again here. The united states declaration of independence states that everyone is entitled to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness...and no one has the right to take that away from you. Period. You are not at fault and you are a victim. This situation needs to be rectified immediately. Your life could very well depend on it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

Vickstar said:


> Tried talking to him...it's not working.
> 
> I am going to get a protection order (which means that if he assaults me again he will be arrested).
> 
> ...


{{{{HUGS}}}}

You are not alone in all this and I like your way of thinking related to the home


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## mrsamazing (Feb 9, 2012)

My kind advice is to tell everyone what you are going through. Forced accountability. Realize that he will NOT change.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Coffee Amore (Dec 15, 2011)

Jeff74 said:


> Where do you live?
> 
> As a practicing attorney here in the u.s. I would be happy to give you specific legal advice/opinions in a pm if this would be helpful. There are many good people here that have responded to your message but some of it is not technically legally correct/precise. Domestic battery and assault are crimes. I wrote this in another MSG but I will say it again here. The united states declaration of independence states that everyone is entitled to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness...and no one has the right to take that away from you. Period. You are not at fault and you are a victim. This situation needs to be rectified immediately. Your life could very well depend on it.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


That's a great offer, but it doesn't sound like the OP is in the US. She used words like "mates" to refer to friends which makes me think she's in Australia, New Zealand, England or some other country where that term is used for friends.


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

She also used "out in the bush," so I think that is Down Under.

OP, don't you have domestic abuse hotlines? In the US, if a woman fears that leaving will itself cause abuse, she just disappears--with the kids and whatever she can throw into the car as fast as possible. She goes to a women's shelter, and the people there help her with EVERYTHING--counseling, medical care (both are available to her and the kids), and with legal proceedings, housing, and finding a job. A big emphasis is put on making sure the h doesn't know where she is. She might have to see him in court, but she is kept safe, as are the kids.

Because you have seen your doctor, you should have no trouble proving the abuse. Your son may have to leave his current school, but you can settle somewhere else for a while--as long as you want--get divorced, have sole custody, etc. 

Please, talk to the professionals in your community--look for a hotline. If things are so different there, let us know. We all have our own system as a reference point and don't want to waste your time with things that aren't available to you.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

Heres my advice.

this has been an ongoing problem! You have tried and tried and just recently have tried again by talking to him like a caring human being. If things don't change DO NOT TALK TO HIM AGAIN ABOUT IT. just leave. this guy sounds unstable and I think it would be unwise to provoke him. If he assults you in any way take it and as soon as he falls asleep call 911. when they show up tell them you are scared for your life and he has been beating you for awhile also tell them about his canibis plants. 

Then sell everything and start over. or whatever you want once hes out of the picture.


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## Jamison (Feb 10, 2011)

Vickstar said:


> Tried talking to him...it's not working.
> 
> 
> 
> I will give him one more opportunity to make things better,


You don't need to give him one more opportunity to make it better, because he is not going to make it better. This is a issue that has been going on for a very long time. He has had many opportunities it seems, so now its time to do something different. Leaving sounds good!


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## allisterfiend (Sep 29, 2011)

hisfac said:


> I don't think throwing money at the problem is going to make it go away.


No one is trowing money anywhere. If someone is taking that sort of abuse and someone has the means and is willing to help, I can totally respect it.

Rundown is a great person for just the offer alone.

I have police friends that see the circle of abuse go on and on.

If I could help, I would. But I have problems of my own.

This world needs more people like Rundown. This guy is a superhero.


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