# Well xmas was hard...



## upsetDan (Jun 17, 2014)

It's the day after Xmas and all I have had with my kids is a 5 minute phone call yesterday. Not much of a call as they were excited about the presents they had received.
I do have all three of my children from the 28-30th dec for our xmas, I can't wait!
But yesterday was awful, felt totally alone, this was my first xmas without them and I hated every second.
For you who have read my previous posts, will know that I have struggled these last 9 months, on the whole I am much better, still have weak days, but christmas without my family has to be the worst. 
Really looking forward to the next few days with my children, but then it will be back to one day a week..
It is so hard cramming in a weeks worth of being a dad into 24 hrs. 

How do separated dads do this?

I have a 5/4/1 yr old and my eldest is demanding and naughty, he has not dealt with separation at all, and has started disliking his mummy, I hate this, what ever has happened with my and my wife I want them to have a great relationship with their mummy. He is very resentful of her and always asks me to move home! Very hard.

For Xmas he wanted me to live with mummy again. I have tried so hard for reconciliation, even after my wife's 3 month relationship she had after our separation. Because I can't switch off my feelings and want my family back under one roof. It is having a negative effect on kids.

So my questions are- 1)how do you possibly do a weeks worth of parenting in a day, 2) has anyone else had issues with kids turning on ex? And how do you over come this?

Hope you all had a great Christmas time


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## jr92gp (Feb 28, 2014)

You don't need to do a weeks worth of parenting in 24 hours. That is an unrealistic expectation you are placing on yourself. Your responsibility is to make the most of the time you have. Ensure that all responsibilities are taken care of beforehand so that you can devote 100% of your parenting time to your children.

You are not responsible for fixing the relationship your children have with their mother. You are responsible for not standing in the way of their relationship.


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

Aw. Holiday hugs to you.
It is hard and unfair, to you, but more to the kids. They are so young and can't really understand what's happening to their lives. They want back what they remember and that's just not going to happen.

Your job now is to be the best father you can be and to help them through this. Consistency will mean more to them than you could possibly imagine. Be there, talk, reassure their fears. Help them find ways to keep communicating. I agree its unrealistic to even try to do a week/month/year of parenting in your week. 

And my 17 DD and her father have no relationship. She discovered his EA/PA and he handled it so badly. He blamed her for the divorce (totally not true, I was already talking to an attorney before I knew of the latest PA for other behavior). He's made no effort to reconcile, instead he says dumb things like he should have a right to demand her respect, and that she is being unfair for holding this "one little thing" against him. He's an idiot and hasn't seen the kids in a year. I used to say things like "He's your father and will always love you." but that fell flat so I don't do that anymore. She refers to him as a sperm donor. So you see, sometimes it just is what it is. Our ex's making horrible decisions and burn their bridges. The effort has to be on them to build the relationship with the kids. Just don't bad mouth them and you should be ok.


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